Things that seemed poetic were always sad,
though I yearned for sparkle
and my dad's guffaw, which never came.
Familiar things were always drear --
repeated motions in the same old game.
There were only distant glimpses
of budding spring, fleeting views
of daffodils. The strongest
poems dealt me death and dying.
Yet I always hoped, never went under
to gray despair, always dreaming
of a garden of love that we could share.
But those forbidden delights faded
quickly away; the only reality
I understand is the ever-looming
and final one. Nothing's changed.
The strongest poems deal death and dying.

At the end of my tunnel I use to see the light.
It was built not with rock but with thick vines green and bright.
I could see my path it was there I always walked,
sometimes I would sit and think, listen as plants talked.
Sweet peas, marigolds and pansies were at my side,
I lived my life with friends in who I would confide.
The air was scented in sachets rare,
coloured in muted tones stripped down bare.
Growing above me were angel lamps,
also gorgeous dahlias, on the ramps.
I remember in the large blue pond, a rare pair of two toned swans,
while below the weeping willow, an almost sleeping chipmunk yawns.
Convergent ladybugs clustering for warmth on the ground,
drifting leaves acted like an ocean wave just to confound.
Back then switched on lights would decorate the night sky with stars
but now alarms sound as they shut me down behind these bars.

Blue –
for your arm wrapped around
my clavicle. I thought
I would loose my breath.
Red –
for the cusp of our hip bones
struggling to pull the drunken color
from our orange cheeks.
and our sweat, our sweat, our sweat
evaporating
in the drenched summer air.
Our pants futile afterthoughts
Left crumpled on the floor
It is here I asked for your respect
And you filled me with it.
Orange –
for the musk smell of our blanket den. I would watch the way dawn light
speckled your shoulders, pale, white-blue
Iridium.
I would trace the ink
of your skin, fingertip hovering a half inch
from your bone.
Green –
for how my name would hesitate
on your breath in brief puffs
like dandelion seeds blown from
My wistful lips when I was
eleven
waiting for them to bring back my wish.
Black –
for my sleeveless dress, as we strolled from
your father’s funeral.
It was the only time I watched you cry.
There were little holes in the cement sidewalk.
They filled with rain, oil
And your tears.
I watched your face change through
their watery colored reflections.
Pink –
for the way your skin repels from my
Touch, quivers as though my finger-
print were a red hot poker.
You haven’t allowed me to touch you
In a year.
Purple –
for the color of her font, as she responds to you. It is an eager
Color. She responds with all the passion of an Eskimo kiss.
You left her waitng..always.
I have been special to you,
she replies to your
overtures.
Her letters
Who blush
like a maid
Who’s felt the hot moist
whisper of something naughty
tickle against her ear lobe.
White –
for the way your eyes punch accusations
sharper then your razor tongue.
They spit
blue crackled lightening,
like an angry alley cat.
My words cannot reach you here.
You will leave.
We will divide our booty
Words that once held my name like a piece
Of carefully folded origami
now hiss cold
devoid like the plaster of our empty room.
Grey-
for the morning
now knocking on my window.
I am livid in my withdrawal, tossing and turning
I can find no comfort
in
the tangle of these vacant sheets.

There it is again
Bubbling up from within
Wretched wrath washing over me
Vile disgusting filth freely flowing
Angry demons seizing control
Forced attrition to evil urges
Screaming
Yelling
Rants of rage
Watched from within
Helpless
Powerless
Unable to soothe the beast
Surrender to aggression
Until the bile is expelled
Vomited forth in fury
Leaving only the bitter tastes
Of regret and sorrow

Raindrops
are like my thoughts
falling down into my mind
sending goose bumps down
my spine
Their cool aftermath
cleanses me of my thoughts
of fear and uncertainty
about what tomorrows
pain may bring
They make me feel,
wet with creativity
drenched in my optimistic
illumination. glistening
raindrops, my thoughts
leave paths of pleasurable
distress, and hope of success
which road, less traveled
may be the best
Forget an umbrella
when these raindrops
arrive, I walk outside
arms open wide
Ready to Receive
whatever
the mind storm may bring
because raindrops are
as my thoughts, falling
down into my mind
sending shivers down
my spine
My brain, yearns
for the rain, to wash away
the pain, tomorrows worry
does bring
One special drop
could speed up life's clock
to the time
I can handle my own
and not dwell inside my controllers
home
For raindrops are,
like my thoughts
falling down into my mind
sending goose bumps
down my spine

You call this poetry
I'm sorry I must confess
Your recent work
Why, it's a complete mess
Your rhymes aren't good
The story's not compelling
Where's this going
There's really no telling
You think it's clever
I don't mean to criticize
But your latest poem
Put a hurting on my eyes
Are you embarrassed
You didn't print your name
But this looks familiar
So I'll guess just the same
What's that you say..
Oh my, can that be true
No wonder I recognized it
The poet's me and not you
Contest: Linda's "A Poem Not Entered Into A Contest #13"
Date: 9-13-14
Poet: Lyric Man

Rainfall washing
Light splashes on windowpane…
Leaving nothing behind
No pattern or trace…
If only those tears
Anguishly wept for you…
Upon your deathbed
Had washed away…
Cleansing the pain
That even now abrades my spirit…

How far will you fly?
Cross continent? Moonward?
Across the room?
When will you depart?
Through which gate?
Let me fly with you.
You won't even notice me,
On the wing,
Clinging for life (and love).
Why do you flee me,
choosing a destination
from which it will be
impossible
to book a return?

The man who tells the truth
There’s something about those fearful folk
There’s many of them too
They hate hassles of any kind
When another says what’s true
They cringe, and hide behind the door
Cause maybe he is right
And if there knowledge gets tested
It gives them no delight
If someone should question them
On beliefs and all that stuff
Even though the words are wise
The truth becomes too tough
They have to have their Teddy bears
To protect them from the night
And when somebody differs from them
It gives them quite a fright
Though the truth might lose him friends
He knows one thing for sure
He’s spoken from intelligence
He’s looked into the core
And because he never follows
{Self-reliance is his way}
He always will respect himself
In all he’ll do and say.
11 October 2014.

Just forgive me, you'll see what I do
I'm sorry, going to make it up to you
Girl, I was so wrong to play a brat
Never deserve to be treated like that
I was a wild lion that had been caged
I lashed out, and now you're enraged
I'm out of the cage, I won't be a jerk
A second chance we can make it work
Like little children not ready for a war
Our innocence robbed, we need a door
If we walk through it, can be set free
There's a path beyond for you and me
Oh, I'm the sun and you are the river
Our hearts fearless and yet we quiver
When it's high noon.. We feel far away
But soon we'll touch at the melt of day
In the moonlight, I know that we will see
The thought of us is more than fantasy
Our love is real, it's not just in your head
I'm so lovesick girl, and you're my meds
Date: 9-16-14

When I am Colder,Older and then alone...
I will collect the sky on my own...
When the art has faded and the days then fade-
when everyone has gone away...
I may finally see what never was saw
.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh............... the quiet sky
The unlit room which bares my end...shows the flashes of my pains my joys and sins.
This life has been a strange one since the curtains were drawn
These paper and plastic figures have clouded the dawn
I was once younger,foolish,and obsessed with truth
Now I am bitter,sour,dour faced with my heart under shoe
The children were all searching or lost in a crowd
All weeds in a garden...growing vile and foul
Though beauty was sold it never came true
Obsessions and vanity have traveled safe through
Materials and poison and everything lost
have been burned in the fires or lost in the frost
I stand face to mirror tearing my being apart
Winding thoughts of love,pain,god,and art
As the sun sets and the darkness grows
I too shall follow this pattern in tow
Death has a friendly hand and a pretty face
She has given me comfort as I leave this place
The wars have occurred,humanity's lost
Souls have been burnt in the fire or lost in the frost
Day was Life,Night is Death
And the latter has given counsel on my final steps

I never talk to you as much as I should
Just to say thank you for all of your gifts
I take for granted all that you’ve given to me
Sometimes blaming you for all I have missed
And when you come to me I shy away
Feigning I can’t see you or hear you
But no matter where I look you’re around me
In every vivid color and shape of movement
You voice beckoning in all the worldly sounds
I even try to hide myself away from you
Still you find me wherever I go without effort
Cruel and hard or ignorant and fleeting
I’ve been both and you lovingly embrace me
Cursing you at the losses washed upon me
Your hand generously gives without prejudice
Gluttonously taking much more than my fill
When I look back you’ve again filled my cup
All the mistakes I have made and will make
Many of them knowingly and willingly
Still you offer all of your forgiveness
If only I will ask as a son should his father
I’ve broken so many of your rules a multitude of times
Deceiving myself believing you wouldn’t notice
Still you offer me everything you have
When I lay in the dark at night and examine
I hope and fear you and I doubt and pray
I hope you can hear me through all the other voices
Although I fear you don’t listen to me anymore
I force myself to doubt your existence
Knowing the truth unwilling to admit to it
I pray…Dear God…Can you hear me?

A river may babble
The wind may sigh
A cloud may rumble
Are they any more at peace than I?
Oceans may swell
Volcanoes erupt
And a dam can burst
Do their hearts stop as abrupt?
Tornadoes may destroy
Lightning strikes from the sky
And an earthquake can ruin all:
Do they hurt any more than I?

Dear Me,
I need you to be stronger
I need you to never be afraid
swallow your pride,and your flight will be softer
tell her you love her,even if it hurts
Grab onto your dream and live it
Do not be afraid of the sun's divinity
Be better,love more, hold on.
Dear Me,
Enjoy every stop of the ride.
For when the train finally stops...we die
Until we witness the angels dance after final day...
Dear Me, hide your fears away

If only it was me who could win this race.
I stand so very proud with honor.
Along with you in my rightful place.
But I am but this man that you see.
Everything but him.
If only it was me.
A beggar ive become pride no longer does exist.
Counting seconds till my rejection.
With no escape still the foolish heart does resist.
For we are but children when it comes to soul.
Love leaves us blind.
Failure turns the heart as dark and bitter as a piece
of coal.
Head apon pillow waitting for what will be.
Tears from a helpless heart pour.
The mind becomes a prison as i curse if it
were me.
For if it were me I would make it all
right.
Castaway doubt.
Erase every empty night.
My arms are open empty they do remain.
Reflecting apon every word.
As slowly I go insane.
But i do not wish for the sadness
of being free.
Your love is endless passion that cast such warmth.
A fool cries to the wind if only it were me.

Every morning I wanna wake to your face.
Empty are the walls.
Bare is my soul for without you this is
just a place.
Head apon pillow deep in slumber without a care.
I curse shadows and lose
myself in the sent of her hair.
I miss you befor you even leave.
The foolish try.
Emotions are not hidden well
apon the sleave.
She saw the man befor the ghost.
The ship sits out off shore.
As the pain does linger just off
the coast.
In hand brings more comfort than
in heart.
You felt all.
So without warning you did depart.
Every morning just befor light chases
night away.
I sit and curse the reason I could no longer
stay.
Empty as the lost who's life
sit's in a cart.
To exist is a struggle when your
forever missing
the other half of your heart.

Every time we fall we lose a bit of are selfs.
Untill hollow becomes the heart.
bare as a vacant stores shelves.
The dreamer finds solice in every new face.
That new love's illusion.
Cold is the afterglow when we reflect apon that
once passionet embrace.
Can the bitter heart find a reason to try?
Skipping stones alone across dark water.
We keep setting are selves up without
a single question as to why.
A room smoke filled yet every thing shows
clear.
Sometimes we play the cards.
And hold the best one aside in fear.
As vast as the ocean from its shores
the the innocent crawl.
Trying to capture only a glimmer of that true passion.
Every time we fall.

In the garden she said goodbye.
A kiss filled with remorse.
Moonlit memories she asked to forget us
as I promised to try.
Time and addictions.
A change in appearance.
Old vices and new afflictions.
I found comfort with many
and refuge with none.
Life can be a tragic play.
As empty as the night as beautiful
as the setting sun.
Sometimes a vision becomes unclear.
Forgotten lovers guilty eyes.
Did we part under false terms or
simply fear.
A candle's light.
Glows softley and cuts
through the night.
Sanity is only a common state of mind.
To forget is not possible.
For it only takes a single song to remind.
I saw the pain in your eyes.
The sorrow did illuminate the darkness.
Moments go unseen as this statue of a man cries.
I cannot give you my word that it will
be my best.
In that place so far away.
I belive I will never be able to fulfill your
request,
I understand that which could never be.
Trapped in a prison of a memory.

By committing to nothing, one retains infinite options.
I have hid inside these words for moons and seasons and New Year’s toasts.
The lone wolf roams fertile pastures unfettered.
The thrill of the hunt.
The chase.
An empty bed is the hope of a new body’s sleeping curve.
Tomorrow becomes yesterday.
“The mystery of mysteries is the gateway to marvels.”
I stopped looking long ago.
The faces have blurred into a montage of emptiness.
Come and go; came and went.
I never bothered much to be bothered.
There aren’t many memories
And I am thankful for that.
Wet fingers and licked lips’
Blood on my hands.
Wasted time.
The years run on like a favorite sitcom gone bad.
It all should have been retired years ago.
It is easier to stay afloat and roam the big waters alone
Than set up camp on an island and face a face.
No problems.
No worries.
No connection.
Freedom is all that you cannot commit to
And who surrenders to nothing is he who lives in frigid shadows of fear.
Maybe I have never truly known warmth.
I walk the streets like a war-worn shoulder.
A little cold, a little distant, a little too silent.
The words I have are recycled fragments of someone else’s life.
I don’t offer much.
Poker face.
Can you read my concrete stare?
I have an entire universe hiding in my back pocket
But I’m scared to show you.
It’s been so long since I groped or even fondled my own life.
I’m not sure what I do or don’t have to offer.
I just keep making bets and upping the ante.

The phone rings empty into the night.
Filling a void that brings strange comfort
to thoose around.
Rage eats away untill it bores a hole
straight through are hearts.
Whiskey cauterizes the wound.
Alone with fools we gather.
The bitter ones taking to there barstools.
the weak look to punish thoose happy
bastards.
Who dare to feel anything in the place of
emptyness.
She left so many years befor.
At least her mortal soul did.
I rememeber when it was when I still
dared to dream.
Long befor reallity was a friend.
Lovers lie.
Motions keep us living.
She spoke but the words were empty as her heart.
So as strangers we parted just as we met.
With a bitter taste I never did reply.
The phone rang it's last time.
I herd it echo farewell down the hall.
I had to go so I never unlocked the door.
i just left my emotions hanging like some
forgotten coat pushed back in
the closet.
Its been almost a year since that phone filled
the emptyness of my soul.
If only I had answered.

Strange creature and my best friend.
The distance between us is great.
So why do we pretend.
You cross the street as I head to the bar
I'll drink to you my dear.
For if I cant hold you close.
I'll just love you from afar.
Like crumbs tossed to a pigeon from a delicate
hand.
I'll wait like a fool.
For my heart is forever yours to command.
You say I cause pain when you remember the past.
Bitter tears erase the passion.
That sometimes isnt ment to last.
Sometimes it's easier to forget then remember
who we are.
if it bothers you to keep me close.
Then I'll love you from afar.
Standing underneath your window in the pouring
rain.
Times alone often i do reflect.
Love has a way of making the normal seem insane.
So very close never knowing who we truley are.
Taken from my heart.
left only to love from afar.

Caught up in this circle sphere of integration; I swoon
as the feeling of worthlessness overwhelms me.
Nothing seems to remedy as this depression lulls me
into its claws of wretchedness.
Sweet and salty smiles that slink into your mind
seems to melt the drowning feeling of despondency.
Still there is the burning bubbling vibes of insanity that circumvents any relief.

Friends we are much more I yern for us
to be.
I take to silence cause its not him.
That I was ever ment to to be.
A barfly wasnt ever ment to see the light.
I'll bury my emotions .
So no one will ever catch sight.
Drown like a coward in this bottle of booze.
And ignore the impulse.
For its not in my nature to use.
speaking whats on my mind.
Isnt worth leaving you
behind.
I cannot speak these words to your face.
but you bring warmth to my life.
And take away the emptyness
from this dismal place.
If only I was a painter then i could show
you clear.
That I am empty without you here.
Am i the fool or just a pawn
just a worn out fighter in
a all to ready stance.
Dont need a fotune teller to
know I have no chance.

Bring on what awakens
It falls under what I’ll lose
And so it goes on sleeping
Under a queen I will refuse
Face what she calls perfect
It got there through her pain
And so it circles back to nothing
Where every face becomes the same
Calmness and reflection
It gets me high on life
But then I find where this is leading
When I become her darling knight
I’ll screw her just to prove it
I’ll throw away my mind
And when I find she’s non-existent
I’ll spread her poison through a rhyme
So lovely in completion
So pointless to deny
If self-hate did not believe me
I’d give it all another try

Finger in the hole in the dike
Holding back vast volumes
Of raging emotions
Surely to sweep me away
I try some comforting
Favored music from my past
Grab a book
To distract my fear
Linger in the Black Hole
of despair
Reach out to memories
Misty unrealities
Sweet and sour
I pass another hour
Only the peace of sleep
And ultimately death
Will bring craved relief.

Alone for for now driffting apon the sea.
You stayed at the shore.
Cause you never found comfort in someone like me.
The sunset is empty when your alone.
Worthless is the kingdom.
When no one is willing to share the
throne.
I was your clown when in shadows I always
found a way to make your spirts lift.
Ive lost all since of direction.
Since you set me adrift.
Was it only a moment something I cold not see.
the heart bleeds still.
From this prison called a memory.
The storm doesnt effect me out here.
Its not death.
But isolation I fear.
The wind is my only friend the ocean my home.
Searching for that which I cannot have.
On this endless quest I roam.
Drawing a heart inside your hand as
through the sand you sift.
From the comfort of the shore I wonder
do you recall.
Are love you set adrift.

So stay the gold.
foolish thoughts wasted
apon the old.
Your never alone except day and night.
did we forget the cause.
Or just grow tired of the fight.
Evergreen moments dont exist in books.
Or pictures trapped apon the page.
The wisdom of life is nothing without the rage.
Into a maze we go blind.
Far past the moment.
Nothing is left to remind.
Motions are not feelings.
Along with contracts and lies.
So many loser's with there double dealings.
Taken from the city lights
I lost all that was obscene.
My pasion was turned into my evergreen.
Time you change all but me.
Casting many storms.
That turn so very deep within the sea.
Erased are thoose moments
apon the slate is clean.
I wonder do you ever reflect my sweet evergreen.

O Light!
I meander through this maze called world,
seeing darkness everywhere, even in the
bright desert light, my soul ripped by doubt
and fear, and utter loneliness, only slaved
by a sudden wave of love, or a flicker of hope.

A fleeting still small voice tries to warn me
A sudden overwhelming desire to run
The tell tale taste of metallic flakes
Means my nightmare has begun
Everything around takes on a ghostly pallor
A landscape of anguish and corrosion
A moment of silence before the violence
The flash of light, the brilliant explosion
The sound of the Sun fills my ears
Fear, my throat, though none escapes me
And paralyzed I clench my eyes
As my tormentor prepares to rape me
And it's endeavor is absolute
Consumption is its ultimate goal
It exists to chase me so it can erase me
Whilst feasting on my soul
And then that familiar salty smell
The sudden rush of warmth so stings
Engaging me relentlessly
In vile unspeakable things
Over and over and over again
My limbs stretched and wrought
As it's teeth tear my bones bare
It's mind defiles my thoughts
And still wounds beget wounds beget wounds
As in the mouth of madness I suffer
And with every injury he just seems to be
Rougher and rougher and rougher
Then just as suddenly as it began it ceases
And for a moment I am clearer
And then the true horror of it all
Is revealed in a darkly lit mirror
There in front of me stands my destroyer
Face flush with it's fill of my pain
And I find that it's eyes and mine
My God, they’re one in the same

With shadows in the dark,
Facing atrocities of the cold,
Yet drenched in the sweat,
I walk down the street
Am bound to follow what others passed by,
Crime it is as if else I try,
Tears follow the path of my cheek,
And it’s the only way my eyes speak,
Lips of mine when turn dry.
I smile I really try to,
To be happy as if I was made to,
I speak of something I don’t know
But there’s what my heart knows,
That’s what my eyes ponder,
And that’s what untold but true,
Yes I know,
Yes I do,
I am missing me in me,
Yes I know,
Yes I do,
I am missing being me……….

Being you
Accept yourself
That’s all that I can say
Let your inner voice tell you
The way to live your day
Do not be hard upon yourself
That never did no good
Just be happy, never worry
It’s foolish that one should.
Love yourself
Cause you’re a ‘one off’ too
No one else can play your part
Nobody can be you
It’s a lovely world we live in
Let it seep into your soul
Then when you feel at one with life
Twill get you feeling whole.
Most people call me crazy
But I love being me
I do not care what others think
I only like to be
To be this way, it is my right
A gift sent down by fate
I’m so I’m happy being me
Each day to me is great.
14 August 2013 @ 1410hrs.

The mirror reflects, obliquely,
a peculiar yellow butterfly -- it flutters, flutters
the specks of black my beard is made of
on the breeze. A daffodil hangs down its treasure
and I spread shaving cream, in great white puffs,
shielding from the wind and rain its yellow
across my face. The nose protrudes, ridiculous
excrescence. A leaf half green sweeps up in circles
in the whiteness all around. A weak chin, think I,
of windy sighs. Squirrels crack acorns, crunching,
down into a patchy neck. Very unsatisfactory
remembering winter's almost famine. The trees --
appearance. Altogether so. Oh well.
Quiet. Steady. Sturdy. Oh well.
The mirror reflects, but not uniquely.

Such deep amber green eyes
Stare into me
Like arrows that so delicately pierce my heart
She is covered in a curtain of black woven cloth
Ah but her hair flows like caramel
She is concealed and wrapped, the camouflage of fear
The burka hiding the princess within
I may not see with my eyes
Oh but how my heart dreams
Of running in the meadows, laughter at our own happiness
Her voice is musical, and softly charms my soul
I am lost in illusions, of this woman in chador
She hides inside this blackness
Her heart protected by dragons
In the dragons lair so deep
I gaze intently into this darkness
I breathe the fire of rejection
I have no chance with this maiden of such beauty
You see
Her dress is blue like the summer breeze
Her hair blonde like the golden skies
She is the desire of many a suitor
As she sleeps in the drum tower
High above all of loves intentions
The bailey her only wanderings
As you see the only burka she ever wore
Was around her heart

A truth in rage of insult furrows my mind
For it is only an offense given to me by myself
In the mouths of others far innocent than I
I feel the tears trickle down my cheeks
For I have surfaced into an ugly mistake
I am always inadequate in this brain
I try to shine like the advice of grace given
But confidence rarely rears its head my way
There’s a sort of shade blocking its way
A shade that darkens everyday
That very shade led me to believe my feelings are wrong
That I will never belong so long as they are not controlled
I must be careful—for the lines of love and lust run cold
I hate myself truly this night
And no one but myself will give me the right
The very right to degrade my every being
Because you are not seeing what I am seeing
There is no point
My lines run cold
Can I be so bold as to say
I still love with a pang of indistinguishable doubt
All feelings enter in
As my truth blurs and checks out
Your words pierce me so deep
I cannot describe the pain I feel
God it hurts so bad
It can’t be real
Much like the love I have come to embrace
The very love that links to your face
Tears don’t give it justice
It can’t be real
Much like the love I will never face

They listened to your clever lines,
Felt guilty when you gave them blame
Bought in to your stick man stories
The anecdotal evidence you proclaimed
So now adoption is the enemy
Christian families are a villain
Gotcha day is doom's day
A horror story of joy killing
They believed you, "He was trafficked!"
But if that was true then what went wrong
The dollars would have moved me out of there
If these books were credible I'd have been gone
Of course you knew the true reality
Your agenda was so thinly veiled
There isn't this army of rescuers
For years adoption numbers have fell
I'm not copy for your editors
Don't care about best selling lists
I wasn't a child for any Catcher's
Those kinds of children rarely exist
You'd think there was an evil industry
By the awful things you wrote
You created your desired fiction
The fact is agencies are going broke
So don't imprison me with narrow labels
I'm just a hurting human being
I'm not a product or a talking point
I'm a somebody, not a something!
No one shopped for me like it was Walmart
I'm a fatherless child, now an aged out orphan
I have a name, hopes, and fears
You sold me out and made a fortune!
3-10-14
Sponsor: Chris D. Aechtner
Contest Name: Anything Goes

Keep well away from dark, forbidding dreams --
Instead, stay near the hearth and play your lyre;
Sleep even so will wait on wooden beams,
Seducing you beside your cozy fire.
Meticulous and careful you may be,
Evicting darting shadows with the blaze --
Inside your quiet cottage, patiently,
Night's emissary holds you in her gaze.
The cuckoo calls as midnight church-bells chime;
His warning message echoes from the walls --
Enchanted ears have lost all track of time,
So far from whispered fears as silence falls.
Her chilling hands then rip away your voice,
And images assail your inner eyes --
Denying you the act of conscious choice,
On captive lips she mixes truth and lies.
When sunlight climbs the sky and breaks her spell,
She blows a darkened kiss, and bids farewell.

The 18th of December was her last day;
she neither knew the date nor cared to.
Gathered at the hospital, keeping vigil,
we couldn't overcome her fright, or ours.
The pain, too great to be driven away,
was only "managed" with IV drips,
needles stuck in bruised appendages --
bony things -- arms and legs, hands and feet.
Above the medicines and washes, we sniffed
her scent, which, more than her yet familiar
face, to us identified our mother --
a smell we never would mistake
for any other. It went quickly
as her body cooled. The rouged and pickled
carcass they displayed was more a statue
than a person. We planned to bury her
with homely tokens, like an ancient mummy:
a family photo, a brooch she liked,
a pink hairbrush, and the brass bell she rang
to call her keeper during her last years.
But, when the time came, I could not bear
to see her leave so finally;
I took the bell from her metal box.
And, now, I ring it -- not to bring a keeper,
but to recall my mother on her birthday,
and on many dark days when I need her.

The swordsman who draws his blade
Heart racing at the keening of steel on scabbard
Tension coiled, poised for the unleashing
Held back by muscles tight with glee.
I am as the soldier, held in stance,
The lioness crouched beneath the concealing grass
As it sways back and forth, as insects sing along the day
Her every breath is halted, her veins do not pulse,
And just as the swordsman stands
They are statues in this moment,
Statues of derision,
Mocking, with their stillness, the very charged tension within.
And I am as the lioness frozen before her pounce
Coiled with motivation and purpose,
And I am as the tongue held with words clinging off its’ edge
Ready to lash out and strike with direction
But I am as the frozen purpose, held tight
Waiting, for a warrior to stand before me
For a reason to uncoil, to lash out with words and pounce.
But I am now as the pen halting before the purest of paper
White and supple, in askance for the lightest touch
A slash of the tip, drawing lines in ink
Lines like a hunter’s bowstring, taut with intent,
As the pen lies frozen above its prey, the falcon petrified aloft still winds
I am the need coiled tight like a wound jack in the box
But alas, there is no victim to frighten,
No pray to pounce upon, no sword or bared neck to slash against
And I am here, with pen frozen, ink ready to be drawn taut
And I have nothing to draw in the ink, no prey or purpose to evoke
I am coiled tight with energy, but it is release that so eludes me,
I am coiled tight with purpose, but it is direction that so denies me.
And here I am, pouncing at ground before me,
Slicing away at the air around me
Scratching away with a dry pen, on paper still white in askance
I write about…
I write about the coil within, and the lack without
And alone I wonder,
Is it enough, is it enough to go on, a wound up box
Waiting for the slightest touch, the weakest parry, to live.

My Bio
Born in Peckham, London
In the year of forty three
I moved down to Australia
It was my destiny
I am a man who stands alone
And I don’t give a damn
I fought a war in sixty eight
In a land called Vietnam.
I always tell it how it is
So friends, I have not many
But me I would not give a damn
If I did not have any
Most respect me. That’s for sure
But me I am not close
To anyone but family
It’s them I love the most
Photography, and nature
Music, taking walks
Listening to the mystic ones
Who on the the truth do talk
These are my pleasures. I am kind
And give to everyone
But my mind is all my own
I do not follow none.
I do not like authority
Especially politicians
I do not like the church at all
I don’t like high positions
I don’t like folk who would be cruel
To women, children too
I’d like to lock them up for life
This I would like to do
Peter duggan is my name
And being me, it is my game
18 October 2014
Peter Duggan 18 October 2014

I never did the
''He loves me not....
He loves me'' game
with flowers.
I already knew nobody loved me
so why should I listen
to a stupid flower?
I did make wishes
on dandelions
after the bloom died
and it was tiny spikes of fluff
waiting to blow away
till next year.
I hated wasting my time
but I couldn't resist.
I figured
''If there's even a small hope
that this will work....
I've got to try! ''
I would find a spot
where nobody could see me
and I'd whisper
my one wish
the same wish
every time.
Thousands of dandelions
blown away
by my pleading breath.
I never told a soul
my wishes.
Until now.
I wished to be happy
one day...
with a husband
who loves me
and kids who love me.
I wished so hard...
I never thought
those dandelions
were listening.

Today the darkness comes.
Music is subdued and low --
measured beats -- an ebb and flow
of oboes and of drums
to pace the sluggish feet.
I do not choose to meet,
this day of blacks and grays,
the collared priest who prays
but, ultimately, betrays
the cant that fills his days
with repetitious words.
I view the streaming hordes
descending from the church
steps, watch them as they lurch
about -- in apparent disregard
for any ordered exit from
the sepulchre, dank and dim.
They met to worship Him --
but I -- I try so hard
to suspend my disbelief --
to find, in faith, relief.
Yet, still, the darkness comes.

Page unwritten hand never to be
played.
Outcasts sitting at center stage.
When you never showed love.
It's no need to question why no one ever stayed.
And you never wondred and new better
to ask.
Cause people grew tired of the game.
And you of the mask.
Deep emotin with which like
overgrown children we play.
Gone in a second.
Was it love or just another day.
Torn sails endless flow.
Blocks and miles.citys and backroads.
Like any flock we scatter.
Only to lose track the futher we go.
Dellusion speaks well amongnst friends.
You see it's the last farewell.
But with truth in are thoughts
everyone pretends.
Are you okay everyone does ask.
You give a expected reply.
And slip into oblivian slowley
fading behind your mask.

In those younger years
I made a friend of the sun
And allowed her to bathe me
In brown creamy skin
In those younger years
I ran across a beach
And played with the sun
Let her sprinkle freckles
Upon my healthy golden cheeks
In those younger years
I had my way
With the sun
Took her in so many
Different positions
Under the burn of her sultry touch
In those younger years
I traveled to exotic climes
Just to enter my sunshine heaven
And soak up her glow
But the cave I now inhabit
Shuts out all the warming rays
The cave in which I hide
Repels all her sunny ways
The cave I made from earth and
Resignation
Never lets her kiss within
The cave I excavated
Collapses upon my daily sins
In those younger years
I once loved the sun

Within the forest’s dream of night’s true fright
shadows twist obsidian trees torment,
the cypress writhe in blood moon’s bright delight.
The hunter hides his nascent lust for might
and so the doe flees by man’s bow unbent,
within the forest’s dream of night’s true fright.
The cypress writhes in blood moon’s bright delight,
bedevil not the finer soul, repent,
the destined deed, must feed, man’s plight.
With deadly skill, fletched shaft sheers frosty night.
The horned hart does fall in wonderment,
within the forest’s dream of night’s true fright.
And torment flows in drops of crimson sight,
distorting right and light with man’s intent.
The cypress writhes in blood moon’s bright delight
Into the holy water blood rings light
for life is all and death is but dissent,
within the forest’s dream of night’s true fright,
the cypress writhes in blood moon’s bright delight.

The voices grow louder,
Intensifying with emotion, anger lining every aggressive word.
My insides squeeze tighter as the vitriol poisons my mind,
How does such hostility exist?
As the sound of hatred deepens,
The feelings strengthen their grip, like a vice,
So tight, I can no longer breathe
All the negative emotions I have ever felt, fill me,
Threatening to overflow.
So long have they been banished…
Enough. No more!
My mouth opens,
An earsplitting scream of pain and suffering shatters the silence,
Sobs of sorrow and grief wrack my body,
Murderous shrieks of anger and hate,
Wretched cries of self-pity and self-loathing,
Poison the air.
Now, free of these emotions.
But the monster still exists
Within the dark depths of my mind.

She'll be loved, a modest, pure and golden
Love, but hers is lust . .
A teenage dream of youth today
Refraining from true trust;
Explosive social tendencies to
Decide her right from wrong,
Human instincts not so human
But a technologic song-
It shall hum to her desire,
In another whom she'll cross;
Mechanic works inside her brain,
Must force her soul a loss.
Such a choice yet to be made,
Though no pain inside shall pass.
Due to social tendencies,
Yes, due to social tendencies . .
His heartache be her last

As I surmise all that is me strewn and cluttered,
My conscious lies casually shorn and shuttered,
For here lie the spoils of stubborn iniquity,
I shuffle and toil, floundering in frailty.
Oh what great havoc, what conscious so lewd,
Creates such traffic which now spoils the fruit,
Of truly righteous deeds committed by a scurrilous man,
Of whom I could no better know, no better understand,
For this terribly lost and forever forlorn soul,
Is none other than me shivering and sniveling so,
And as helpless as I suddenly appear to be,
I now understand the strength pride provides so easily,
For there is purpose in pride, yet none in shame,
As ambition carries us blind to who’s at blame,
And just where is the woe when the devil may care,
For we are soon found alone, our conscious left bare,
And as I embark into this desolate place,
My horrors so dark, my fears crimson in taste,
Forward I race into the perilous pit,
With none other to blame for this simple life I quit.

It was sixty eight
We had the world by the tail
Jim sang, "Hello, I love you"
We kissed to the soft beat
The Doors played on the radio
Now it's eighty six
The world has given me hell
Morrison has long been dead
Gone, kisses and soft beats
The doors are closed, I'm all alone
Note: Jim Morrison was the famous lead singer of the sixties band, "The Doors"
He tragically died at age 27
Contest: Nette's "Doors"
Date: 7-16-14

Looking dead at me in this smeared mirror...
a lost man
tormented
face red
brittle
and teared
stacking excuses
the longer I stare
this stress abuses
my conscience with a glare
a guilty reflection warns
my mind is the prison I fear
as I long to escape
from the hell I dwell in
right here
who have I become?
what have I done right?
crossroads appear suddenly
as fog fills the mirror tonight
darkness owning the room,
prefers I suffer slow
so I proceed with speed
because it’s the only way I know
tasteless stories
flood my life’s hard bound chapters
while this smeared mirror reflects tears
dripping from a face
which was once filled with laughter.

a hallway. offices. tinted sunlight.
people who have forgotten my name.
but i am here.
and then a room. and a meeting.
and i am unprepared.
“you’re up” says the leader.
and my lungs fill with heaviness as they all turn towards me.
my mind screams.
my throat locks.
and then a word fights through the scream.
and i breathe. and find a voice.
and then another word.
and a thought.
then relevance.
i am moving.
and eyes do not wander.
but the scream fights on:
they will find out.
i was connected at one time.
so the scream would fade.
but not now.
these many years later.
“we could use you again,”
he had said.
and i had relented.
but why? boredom? faith?
the scream of fear vs. the scream of isolation?
or a familiar voice dragging me back from madness.
“what have you been up to?”
he had asked.
and i had lied.
and now my mind all scrambled between work and stupor.
“what on EARTH are you talking about?!”
demands the one who should have taken over for me.
and the throat locks again.
and the scream rises up.
and he knows it.
but sympathy has no place here.
so i struggle with the scream.
and find the words to hide the Fraud
as he shakes his head in disgust.
and i remember why i left.
so i wade in the scream until i am done and take my seat.
and the scream that never dies whispers, “what else is there?”

I’ll only write the truth
I have always wrote my poems
To please the eyes of others
I’ve wrote those songs of nature
I have wrote about my lover
I have always wanted comments
So I’d write words oh so sweet
But this is only half of me
And I want to be complete.
So now I write only the truth
And how I really feel
It’s all that now shall come from me
I’ll show folk what is real
I’ll write on my philosophy
And really give folk me
Unless the truth is spoken
How can a man be free.
I see the writings on this site
About religions, and beliefs
And I feel that I must do the same
Even though I bring on grief
I’ll miss out on the comments
But do I really care?
For I am here, to speak the truth
A thing that’s very rare.
12 January 2014 @ 0625hrs

The things in life that cost me most are the things that came for free.
And what I thought I was,
Was not what I would be.
And what I thought I was looking for
Was not what I could see.
And every time I got close
I threw it all away.
And the price of that keeps going up
It's more than I can pay.
So I keep trading my tomorrows
To forget my yesterdays.
And every time I get close
I throw it all away.
And I know I'm gonna do it
But don't know what makes me this way.
And every time I get close
I know I've got to pay.
And every time it changes
It always stays the same.
I couldn't wait when I was young
To get away from home
I've spent the rest of my life wishing
That I had never gone.
Chasing my regrets
They're dragging me along.
Willingly unwilling
To forget and just move on.
Driven by the things
That keep me all alone.
Taking comfort in the pain
Knowing every time that I get close
I'll throw it all away.
And I know I'm gonna do it
But don't know what makes me this way.
Like a secret life has kept from me
To dry me with the rain.
Drinking life like it was whiskey
And chasing it with pain.
And the things that cost the most
Are the things I got for free.
And the ones I need the most
Are the ones I throw away.
And I know I'm gonna do it
But don't know what makes me this way.
I just keep trading my tomorrows
To forget my yesterdays.
And there's not enough days ahead
To pay for the days pre-spent.
That prize I've chased in life
I just don't know where it went.
And the things that I've loved most
Are the things that came for free.
And the ones that I need most
Are the ones I throw away.
And I know I'm gonna do it
But don't know what makes me this way
And the love that cost the most
Is the love I'll throw away
And what was given to me free
Had a price I wouldn't pay.

` ` `
on fire …
with a silken face bouncing gently
in the bath of combed sunlight, her eyes open
like a newborn rose sprinkled by drips
of honeyed laughter; the sheer mist floats
into a world where robins wing around her feet,
as if to chase a meadow filled with morning
coffee scent… and she feels the natural brightness
of people humming violin tunes inside her head;
how she loves with arms knitting tender flames ,
a slow fire in the rush of breaths flowing in cool
breeze: lungs floating in and out between
the piety of her bones…she rambles along
greeting everyone she meets with a soft smile.

on ice…
in a sudden shift, froth of darkness strikes the light,
her teeth chilled; pinched by the dusk of
terror screaming on walls and breaking
each glass that cuts the inside of her mouth;
her face spitting out violet eyes of evil
in a public lash of ten or more whips,
mocking all the way down to the marrow…
a glacier of rage disconnects her from some
sense of reason: the raw edge of coldness
runs at every turn, panting, cursing, and cutting
sliced words all at same time, as though
her frigid heart drowns in Celsius fog

fire on ice…
she taste the tears of both wrath and liberation,
flowing down the sunken river in a hazy blur;
until she hears a voice,” rock –a-bye, baby girl”
silencing herself, unaware of her twin lives,
for her eyes cannot see the difference
between another time, another place
where elements of fire and ice cannot blend.

Futility
my heart breathes its last breath
Embraces its own death
Ready to be reborn
and made anew
Can’t live a lie
Refuse to “do”
and I’ll DIE....
Focus now on why I’ll live
And never touch the sky.
I have to forget you
I have to reject you
But I will never love anyone
like I loved you.....
I heard you whisper
and you never knew it
I wiped the tears from your eyes
But you couldn’t feel it
You’re lost and you’ll never find you
And neither will I
And I’m so sorry--
but I’m NOT.
I'll attempt to reset
Try to forget
But you know, I never will.
Be my dirty little secret
My very worst-kept secret
Sweet, smooth, beautiful poison
My infernal and endless attraction
towards complete and utter self-destruction
I fell in love with the devil
And it will take one heck of an angel
To save me from the likes of you....
My addiction
my confusion
my nightmare
my dream never to come true
Oh, I’ll never forget the times
we never shared
I’ll never forget
how you were never there
Always me, the stars, and tears
And I ask you,
what kind of life is THAT?
I have to face the facts
I don’t know what happens now
but it happens without you.
The stains will always be there
the scars will never fade
But the memory of you----
it HAS to.
I could carry the torch forever
But it would only consume me
I can’t cry another tear for you
Or I’ll dry up completely
It doesn’t affect you
and you never deserved me
You’ll go on with your life, too
All, all alone
Because you’ll only ever be in love
with you.

Why aren’t we happy?
What is it in the most of us?
We are not how we should be
We should be like a singing bird
Who boldly, in the trees
Sings his song when fear is done
His life just flows along
He only knows the dance of life
So he just sings his song.
And yet we humans live our lives
Enfolded in our fears
Glorifying in the sad
And making this quite clear
As we always speak of doom and gloom
And watch it on TV
And always live our lives in fear
Is this the way it should be?
If only each would take a look
And see just what we be
We never see the flowers grow
Or let our hearts be free
Maybe it’s time to see the truth
Of what this life could be
If we look at life without the fear
And live with mystery.
6 August 2013 @ 1908hrs.

Here
In this centrifuge of sanctimony
Where I sip the atrophied air of my ancestors
The shipwrecked tide of my unborn children
Angels dangle from a precipice of silence
Strained by strings of a theoretical God
Sung by eyes of defiance
Which navigate the jagged epitaphs below
Searching
For that one sediment of salvation
That one moment of submission
Hoping he will see
His wonders, atrocities, his indifference
To cast a shadow of conviction
Over shivering light
There
Across the inlet where ivory columns crumbled
And modernity now deftly mumbles
Its fleets of fortune baptized
Nigh the bronze dust of golden millennia
Where history lies with its victims
A fugue of fossilized souls
A silent prayer remains
Here

First thing you should know, is this isn’t a poem, it’s not a story, it’s not a song. These
are just the mad ramblings of a genius with a headache.
Watching the smoke curl between his fingertips, he wonders. Is it his body that’s on
fire or his soul? Physically he feels fine yet he sees the flames, inside the pain is
excruciating yet, not a scratch to be seen. Isn’t that a thought though, not a scratch to
be seen on his soul. Why is it that the scratches and cuts that do the most damage are
the ones you can never see? How can that much pain not leave a visible mark? How
much pain can the soul take before it turns into the story of humpty dumpty, never to
be put back together again? Isn’t it funny how you can forget your dying, when you
have died inside?
First thing you should know, is this isn’t a poem, it’s not a story, it’s not a song. These
are just the mad ramblings of a genius with a headache.

If I rewrote the story and somehow are paths
did not cross.
In temptations fire.
We would only know the cold of others.
Freezing in the silent agony unable
to speak.
The statue remains its meaning erased.
As into others we will seek.
The emotions we no longer share.
Alone I am now inthe isolation of many blank
stares.
The jokes are but a wall built to conceal.
All that I am.
That I could never reveal.
Use the substances to keep you numb.
And let the voices take you to another place.
Beyond the madness there lies
beauthy in pain.
And always truth.
Destruction breeds art.
I light up in a room of vacant stares
and empty lives.
To blind in addiction to know the other does exist.
In this den like some scene from a opium parlor from the west.
Ashes hit the floor along with my pride.
This battle im losing with devilish glee.
All but nothing is left.
so in the shadows I confide.
Sometimes wisdom can come from great acts of stupidty
sometimes pain brings us closer to the truth
nothing stays buried it just lays in wait.

Here in this room again
mind’s racing
the fan on low…
and I’m not to be trusted
can’t be left alone here
with shot gun temples
and a soul full of fear
no worse place than now
I can’t yell it more clearly
I beg for your attention
but I can’t stand you near me
contradiction swimming
in the blood of my veins
I’d cut off my hands
to send toxins to drain
I’m gutless
yet I’m too gutsy for action
say that in public
imagine the reaction
I sit in whirl pools
but I’ve always hated heat
and claim to take a stand
but I’m lazy at my seat
and I’m always on time
as I miss the bus again
I lie in your face
with a devilish grin
I’m harmless
and swear I didn’t mean it
I talk about my conscience
still I’ve never seen it
in a world of swirling confusions
I’m stuck on the spin cycle
madness,
creating contusions
my game’s not over
I need a fresh start
I’m begging for new blood
cus’ I’ve got a good heart

So much is lost in time.
Words are taken in the wrong meaning.
Soon te bridge is but a scar of memory.
Sweet moments but a fargone reflection none of which
I choose to recall.
the laughter stale as the beer in this smoke filled room.
Music heals but stabs us deep.
Cents for the pain.
Numbers the tune.
Her body is there but not for anyone to
truley know.
the backward thougts with forward visions.
The emptyness my home hollow in the aftreglow.
My return is long overdue and to soon my exit.
A thief of emotion that exist only within my pen.
Has it been lost all over agian?

Sitting in this empty room
Looking at broken pictures of me and you
A broken life together
I always thought we’d make it forever
What has become of me?
I never ever thought I would be
One of those who were beaten down
One of those who didn’t make a sound
Silent when you pushed me around
Silent when you covered my mouth
Silent when you raised your hand
Silent when you gave your commands
But something deep within my soul
Tells me to rise up and take control
Take a hold of my lost self again
Knowing if I don’t this might be the very end
You will not break me down this way
You will not darken my coming days
I am stronger now you see
And I will never let you kill the beautiful soul inside me
I am someone who has a voice
I am a woman who can make my own choice
I don’t need permission to be free
Or to discover the real woman inside me
Discovering the strength and power within
To let the bright shining sun shine in
To let my heart feel free and bold
To let my soul escape your choking hold
I’ve come to realize just a few things
That my life is worth more than two gold rings
Sometimes it has to be that way
For me to take ME back and then for me to say…
I am a beautiful woman inside
I will never ever run away and hide
I will rise to the very top
I won’t quit and I won’t stop
There is nothing that I can’t do
There is nothing left for me and you
So now I surrender and just let go
I am special this I know…..

it's the last Sunday of the year known as 2010
and i hope next Sunday a new year together we'll begin
as humans we have a habit of looking back over the past year
to hopefully gain a better understanding of all that occured back there
there's nothing wrong with reviewing last year's trials and tribulations
maybe next year we'll have a solution to better handle those situations
in 2010 we made some resolutions and we set some goals
but did we overcome our challenges or did we lose control?
over our aches and pains, our difficulties, our struggles and our strife
our bouts of frustration, our complications, just trying to live life
we had some trials in 2010 of which we wish we could redo
but we need to remember all the triumphs that somehow got us through
we might not have had a lot of money but somehow the bills got paid
we might have fell into some choppy waters but somehow we learned to wade
we had some illness, we had some issues and we all had some strain
but by the grace of God we triumphed and somehow still stayed sane
in the book of Hebrews a group of people had some trials and tribulations
and when they accepted Christ they came into a godly situation
they took that walk with God, they took that leap of faith
and came to realize that when one's in Christ the devil will be in your face
as its not all peaches and cream whenever a person commits to God
there will be trials and tribulations just keep a prayerful heart
there will be those whom you thought cared about and supported you
who may become your biggest detractors and stomp all over you
but you need to understand that the enemy will have you under attack
just keep your eyes on God and stay on the right spiritual track
as all things are possible with God for He's in complete control
God is God all by Himself and you need to understand that your role
is to trust in Him, believe in Him for through you He gets all the glory
so let your trials and triumphs be a testimony and inspiring story
for you can't have a testimony without having being tested
and there is no triumph without a trial you have bested
you came through some fires and you survived some floods
and all of it was by the grace of God and the power of the blood
you triumphed over death and today you're still alive
you triumphed over the devil no matter how hard he strived
you made it through 2010 standing on the promises of Christ
you had your trials, you had your triumphs and above all you still have life

My words are lost in ink stains
Verses smudged in prints of you
Illegible scribbles soon fill in lines
Once paved with love anew
Now only paperless pain ensues
An unnatural sequence of thoughts
Scribed in distressed hues of blue
Will re-actively release your grip
But the pain it can’t undo
Now only agony grew
My heart hands weep writes of tomorrow
My paper and pen are tempered in sorrow
My emotions bellow wallows
Of a mournful mind
I pray
This too
Shall pass
In time…

My eyes grow heavy,
Yet I can't sleep,
My soul feels weighted,
But I can't weep
I dream on
Without the hope I need
I need to talk
Yet my tongue's not freed
I clutch my pillow,
I cling to the thought
Of how we met,
And why we fought
It all seems so silly now,
And I wonder why
We could let this stand
And let love die
Pure "saving face"
Holds me back,
Especially since
Your verbal attack
Being a person,
No easy thing,
You've left your nest
And the protection of
Your mother's wing
Should i call?
Or hold out?
Be the weak one?
Or stand and shout?
Oh, Lord, please guide me
Let me know
The way to be...
I roll over in bed again,
And turn on the light,
But light doesn't help.
I have no sight...
Indecision means inaction
I start to groan,
To lose your love,
A fear greatly grown
Turn off the light,
Again to bed
In many ways,
Wishing I was dead.

"Sing to me, Muse, of the wrath of Achilles." - Iliad, Line 1
Western dreams were born in wrath,
Overmastering all the noble aims of reason.
The bloom of youth, cut from its proper path,
Fallen wasted in full season
Torn and silent upon fields of fire,
Betrayed by elder men's desire
To force their goals on one another,
Stolen from each grieving Mother
Against the tides of pain each strives
His misery to quench, his hate to smother
As they pay for lies with lives.
Home and hearth abandoned for ambition,
The promise of tomorrow dies on foreign shores
For shadows' sake they are cast to perdition,
To drown in the shifting seas of wars.
The Enemy as confused as they,
Affrighted and divided by the fray,
Consumed by fear in the battle's heat
The dead lie dead, come victory or defeat.
The living, stung by memories' knives,
Against which they in vain entreat,
Go on to pay for lies with lives.
The world turns on as the game is played,
Each dawn finds men so much the same.
The debts accrue, are bourne and paid
Each seeking honor for his name,
And a home secure in peace.
Yet men move other men, and will not cease
To bind them to some formless claim or cause,
To bid them die to right the flaws
Perceived in others of like kind; their wives
Bide in fear and live by tyrants' laws
As they pay for lies with lives.
Noctambulate, the pawns of powers fight,
For cause of country weakly understood;
They move from day to death's eternal night
Directed by the wills of men of wood.
When all has ended, what has been acheived?
What meaning comforts myriads bereived?
The world will turn, and others rise
To fill the void, the numb surprise
Of lives unlived, of weeping eyes,
Of silence heavy with unanswered sighs
For those who paid for lies with lives.
Must so many lines of history
Be so far writ in blood,
So tainted with tragic mystery
Trammeled by iron stained with mud,
Its pages overrun with acts untamed,
Acts of slaughter by the vast unnamed?
So many deeds set down in red
Give cause to rest uneasy in our beds.
Though the past recedes, the present shall reprise
The accusatory march of the silent dead,
Parading those who paid for lies with lives.
Who dares leave our collective guilt unclaimed?
Were not our many wars for subtle reasons framed
By minds fit for much finer uses,
By hearts that might have scorned such abuses
Leading to this madness - who denies
Those self-delusions that should leave us shamed,
That make us pay for lies with lives?

Where does my conscious go, when demons raise their fiery eyes,
They steal my very soul, killing all which is sanctified,
Engulfed by instant fears, no longer hearing loved ones cries,
The beast within appears, telling me I am justified,
I have already lost, no reprieve from my mortal sin,
All reason now is blocked, as I become the beast within,
No pity can I feel, as I make my grandiose stand,
Yes the horror is real, as I destroy all that I can,
Where do my feelings go, when demons raise their snarling lips,
Bringing an all new low, into my life now torn to bits,
Certain of being right, I flail and thrash as if in fits,
I threaten and I strike, with great fury the demon spits,
Yet I still stand and shout, my ugly hate and derision,
Accusing lies said out loud, revolting words - degradation,
Just look at what I’ve done, I scream my blatant confession,
Ready to blame anyone, for my evil molestation,
Where does my true love go, when demons raise their gruesome head,
Destroying all I know, without slightest hesitation,
There is no where to hide, hideous deeds - infinite dread,
Shame crushes senseless pride, nothing left but devastation,
Recoiling in horror, reality enters the room,
Now begins the torture, judgment of my now mortal soul,
The evil that is me, my conscious has become my tomb,
I look and all I see, marks my spirit and takes its toll,
Where does salvation go, when demons raise their awful screech,
Making damnation grow, as dark shadows envelope me,
How can I persevere, and escape from this demon’s reach,
For he is always near, and may kill eventually,
Cold and chilling insight, I now realize what is at stake,
And the one path which might, protect the ones I truly love,
But how can I just leave, this world I worked so hard to make,
And cause even more grief, for family and God above.
Where does my resolve go, when demons raise their deadly claws,
Tearing at all I know, stealing my conscious care and pride,
I can’t run anymore, all is destroyed everything lost,
Now beaten tired and sore, I’ve lost my path into the light,
Who can I reach out to, when all I love recoil in fear,
Eyes beseech black and blue, where once was love - now only hate,
Yes I know - I’m the cause, the reason for each falling tear,
And while demons give pause, I must face my terrible fate.

Angst
i gnaw away, starting from my head, the store-house of
all my phantasms. and my eyes, in which you once drowned
and rose up as a nocturnal fire-bird
i am saving the best for the last, the heart,
tasting of off-season berries shriveled, bitter-sweet
caressed by decades of winter, beating inside
a summer-scented chest,
hay, cow-dung and mildew.
Catharsis
The forest has given birth
to a prying Moon.
Single. Static.
It watches over my tendency
to measure things.
The moon, metaphorical as ever, swinging smugly over the
mango groves.
In her I saw your youth (resplendent, shining, bold)
and your age (scarred, empty, restless).
Farewell
We took turns at the well
Pulling the slimy rope
Bringing up the loot
The coins, the lost kittens
The ghosts of ancient trees
How do we share equally?
Self-estrangement
You mourn for a life time
But the sudden discovery of that wart
In your armpit made you laugh
(cynical, the 'ha' went up, up, up)
you stop being you.
There is nothing left but dredges
you took what was yours
left behind what was mine
I turn it into a broken mirror
to reflect you
through my shattered veins

not sure how she got here
only know she needs to leave
underneath the stranger
my arm numb; asleep,
mouth a desert.
a hundred dead cigarettes dance my tongue dry
princess of night
exposed by light.
get me out of this;
another dreaded morning mess.
bed broken
along with my will.
I swore never again;
the lie is half the thrill.
~JSLambert

Bleeding around me are empty faces
Sad, drooping spaces, crumpled places
Melancholy for the light of new places
Stuck in time, frozen in time
The pangs of lonesome fill their sagging hearts
Frowning forever, frowning forever
Let me stare blankly at the stained wall
Nothing at all…nothing at all
The mind is a scary place
The mind is a distraction
From the reality ever binding
Curbing every reaction
The mind is overwhelming
The mind is oh so sad
When we turn to larvae and graves
It’s an never-ending...
Entwinement
Found myself looking through the tiny hole in the wall
Watching you fall, watching you fall
Scared for the neck that would break us all
You shuddered my blood…shuddered my blood
I met the eyes of the souls of your feet
Twitching and swinging…unfeeling…unfeeling
Please allow me this sole ease:
Just be with me... lie with me
The mind is a scary place
The mind is a distraction
From the reality ever binding
Curbing every reaction
The mind is overwhelming
The mind is oh so sad
When we turn to larvae and graves
It’s an everlasting...
Entwinement
-inspired by Mad World by Gary Jules-
-also inspired by the stop motion film: The Man in the Lower-Left hand Corner of the Photograph-

I have just scratched the surface of my latent hatred
Of my blind, awe-inspiring, narcissistic, misanthropic, vehement self
In Flames draws it
As, I believe, Nightwish will
There is so much power here, my heart is stone.
But inside, oh how is it acerbic!
Corrosive, burning
It burns! I feel… the burn
It yearns to burst out
To… to kill
Do I mean that?
No, just thoughts.
Twisted, darkened thought.
Define me?
No, they do not.
The moment I turn this music off
I am out.
I am me.
But, right now, I am king.
A god, DO AS I SAY!
…and leave me be.
Desolate, forgotten.
Anything else is unsatisfactory
No… IT IS TORTURE.
So get away.
Get away!
Humans make me weak.
I acknowledge no pain,
only that which you give me
So leave!
Go, go now!
...and live.
It is all your fault,
it is all your fault!
My twisted, wretched existence
Bound by darkness,
Bound by rusted iron chains,
to this never-ending life
of pain, of misery, of anguish!
Escape? There is none.
Certainly not by your hand
You are foolish, you are human, and you are nothing.
How could you think us equals?
Don’t you see me?
Don’t you see my power?

Reasonings
Too few
Hopefully more
My resentment flairs
My will ebbs
Still looking elsewhere
I won’t just leave
I care too much
My heart is here
Have more to give
Want answers to my whys
Know I’ll never truly know
Doors of opportunity may open
But I still hold hope
Knowing this is my calling

In my heart there’s no longer
loneliness from longing for love.
Finally found someone to love,
but he is my silent sorrow manifest.
In my chest there’s still even now
a prolonging lonesomeness.
Finally found somewhere to live,
but it is my isolating incubation erect.
In my head there’s still me, myself,
and I comforting my lonely heart.
Finally found someway to befriend,
but they are my persona’s karma manifest.
In my soul there’s no longer
loneliness from longing for love.
Finally found some truth of whom I am,
but my heart’s still filled with loneliness.

Sometimes I wonder,
What ripped us asunder
I wonder...why friends fade away,
I wonder...why death is our destiny,
And as we experience our final day,
I wonder what will become of you and me
I wonder, with eyes dilated,
Why this day was to be so fated...
When all I saw was you walking away
Or your soul released from here...
I see the suffering of Rene'
Our lives are short,
I wonder what ought
To have been,
Is there some reasoning
For the the ultimate sadness
Towards which we spin?
I wonder if we'll ever understand
What it's all about
I wonder, and wonder,
What was God's plan grand?
I could have redone this life
And accomplished so much more
But now it's too late,
For death approaches my door.

I needed some time, some space to think
And it was either take a walk or drink
And since I knew drinking would solve nothing
I put on my shoes and I started walking
The wind blew the chilly air
Through my unkempt locks of hair,
But I hardly felt the biting cold,
Walking with memories warm in my soul
The street was dark, cold and silent
It was funny the places where my mind went
While I slowly walked across the blacktop road
No destination in mind where I would go
It's funny the things you will remember
I recall a day in mid-December
And how suddenly, nothing seemed the same
After that man at the door called my name
I followed him into a secluded office
Where he would tell me his diagnosis
And suddenly I felt my beating heart
But the rest of the world had just stopped
I felt a hand in mine get tighter
I don't think the room could have been quieter
I shook my head in total disbelief
Too numb to feel anything, even grief
The question asked, "What does this mean?"
But the answer didn't mean anything
My head too fuzzy, my thoughts too jumbled
I turned to my love to speak, but mumbled
I don't remember what else he said
Because of the swirling thoughts in my head
It took three days before I could even think
Which led me to tonight: walk or drink
So I walked and I thought and I truly remembered
Dreams of the past, love treasured forever
Friendship and laughter, sorrow and pain
As though I was reliving my life over again
Little things that I'd sorely taken for granted
Things that didn't happen the way that I planned it
Promises made and ones that were broken
Love that was shared, love still unspoken
The frosty air filled me with a sense of renewal
Inside my soul was fighting a duel
The angel, the devil, both battling demons
Inside of myself I fought to redeem them
I don't know who won the ethereal battle
And I'm not sure right now it even matters
Where once I believed everything for a reason
I'm finding that harder and harder to believe in

Darkness is my life that apears in
light.
Has it come to just another fix.
The smile does conceal my losing fight.
The music the screams within.
The lies eat away at the man I can no
longer stand.
Hollow is thy heart.
Crimson stains all that is never held in
hand.
It started a game now it's a curse.
In darkness I speak to you
all I could never say.
The man once known to you.
Has all but faded away.
And as I slip into adictions abyss.
Candle lit memories were taken
with the breeze.
That killed that romantic glow.
As the stranger who exists in the form
once you did love.
Twist's into a form you cannot understand.
I ask out of love for you to forget.
The monster that haunts this form.
In memories true love we will forever know.
The emptyness of of this life.
And the once splendid candle lights glow.
In truth we die.
As we live.
So must we cry.
Not every every question has a answer my friends.
Gonzo.

"i can see the truth, in pain's honest form
a death rejoiced, a life unknown."
when at times, my despair grows high
i keep with me, an honest nights cry
when darkness closes, and the night is long
i remember the sun, and keep my faith strong
a new day has come, with its own peace of mind
and then i can believe, love isn't that hard to find
i look around and see, the rays of a brand new day
shining brightly all around me, a hope for me to say:
"i can see the peace, in truth's honest form
a life rejoiced, a love reborn."

When my heart beats
It pumps black ink
Flowing to my brain
Effecting how I think
I start to weep
Black tears of rage
A pool of darkness
Soaking my page
Your injected words
Have filled my veins
A heart colored black
Covered with stains
My life re-imagined
With love energized
The beat changes
New blood supplied
Color now returned
My heart fully fed
Now when I cry
My tears will be red

IF YOU DARE THINK; YOU CAN
GET PASS ME, WELL THINK AGAIN...
MY FRIEND!!! " KARMA " IS THE
NAME.
** FEAR NOT **
EVERYTHING YOU DO; OR BREATHE
REVOLVES AROUND ME, SO WATCH
YOUR STEP N' STONE WITH ME....
** FEAR NOT **
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE WHAT I
SAY; OR DO JUST ABIDE BY YOUR
OWN ACTIONS THEREFORE NO,
PROBLEMS.
** FEAR NOT **
DON'T BE MIS~GUIDED BY MY
WORDS FOR THEY ARE GENUINE;
MY SOUL IS: TRUSTED, AND I
LOVE EVERYONE TIL' I'M BLINDLY
STABED AND LEFT BLEEDING
THIS HEART ON THE FLOOR.
** FEAR NOT **
FOR I AM PURE: LIFE JUST RUNS
BLACK N' WHITE AND SPEAKS
TRUTH, YOU OR I CAN' T HIDE
FROM WHAT'S REAL... REALITY!!!
** FEAR NOT**
SO CLICK; CLICK, PULL THE
TRIGGER IF YOU CAN... OR
DARE... JUST DON'T MISS*FIRE....
HAHAHA!!!
** FEAR NOT **
Written By: Carma SWEETHEART
06-22-12

All the castles
I'd longed to see,
Will never stand
In front of me
All the knowledge
I have gained,
All the emotions,
I have feigned
And now real love
To make me cry
I lie in bed,
I wonder why...
It seems unfair,
But such is life,
I've suffered much,
As with an unfaithful wife
Those castle walls
Will long outlive me,
And it will come the time soon,
For me to see
My maker,
My love's faker
Heartbreaker,
Soul taker
But I have my one
Ace in the hole,
I've kept one piece
Of me that's whole
That part of me
That believes in me
And no matter
What others see
This part is mine,
And mine alone,
And surely I'll have
Sins to atone,
But this one part,
Unassailable,
Believes in me,
And it knows,
I never hurt anyone,
For I chose
To do what seemed right
And moral too,
And though I'd fight,
To prove it true,
I tried to do
My very best,
I tried to pass
My soul's real test,
If I failed,
It was by mistake,
All I wanted,
Was a smile to make.

Outside, the moon is alone in the sky
and floats bright white in the ocean
of the great black-blue on high.
It illuminates slightly my surroundings,
giving everything the soft pallid hue
that makes everything something familiar,
though some things I have never seen.
All things being equal,
under the bright white moon,
I see the waves of grass
in neighboring lawns that I’ve never trod,
and I see the soft waves of the moon
dancing off the rooftops of houses
that I’ve never been welcomed in,
that contain neighbors that I’ve never met.
It’s cold out…
if the sun gives off heat in the day,
does the moon radiate chills at night?
The moon sheds its cold, emotionally bankrupt light
on everything I see.
Is this how I should be?
If this is how all emotional attachment ends up,
should I even bother?
Or better yet, should I wait for the moon,
that reopens my wounds just by shining on me?
Every time it comes into sight,
I can’t help but think of all the times
it left me dark and cold.
Should I wait for it to change,
or should I move on?
I can’t see why I should waste my time,
when there are other things that
can radiate a brighter and warmer light than this.
If I see it shining its light on others;
what light does it have for me?

I remember the dream of Austria
As the war for me was finally closing
High in my turret upon the Sherman
I entered this mountain paradise at last
Until I reached the earthly gates of hell
Within those eyes I found despair
That spark of life long dead
Their hearts filled of solitudes poison
Muted voices no longer calling out
Thousands of souls starving for hope
Existing amongst corpses who had lost it
Now just shadows of the once proud
Crushed by tyranny simply because they “were”
Empty men drifting about lost in a miring haze
Praying for the peace only death grants
So very few seemed to hold onto humanity
They had nothing to fear because all was lost
As I stood at the hells gates called Mauthausen
In that moment I found the truest of evils
Under the threshold of Hades a toxoid of hatred
Not truly comprehending what my eyes spoke
Numbed in fears I never knew subsisted within me
Standing frozen I wanted nothing more than to run
As the shell of that crying man fell in my arms
I am haunted by his words…”godheid bedanken”
My faith transfused giving him a moments hope
Within those high peaks of the songs of paradise
I lost my soul at the gates of a concentration camp
Every night since I hear his voice thanking God
He called us the wrath and thunder of reckoning
But…I was just a boy with rifle searching for a respite

Rainy Sunday morning lying in bed
Stroking your hair, watching you sleep
My heart beating every beat for you
The way it used to
The train rumbles by waking you
Your sleepy eyes look up at me
I wrap my arms around you
The way I used to
Sitting having tea, enjoying the company
Talking about life and the rain
I can’t take my eyes off you
The way I used to
You lean against me, cuddling up tight
I hold you closely against me
Kindly, gently, comforting you
The way I used to
You lead me by the hand to your bedroom
We undress, kissing passionately, desperately
We hold on tightly and make love
The way we used to

I know death
it lives in my chest
I know life
it lives in my head
giving me beautiful visions
that my chest won't let me
feel
I know death
it lives in my chest
I know life
it lives in my head
torn between desire
and numbness
I coexist
forever the Gemini

On top of the pile___shoes upon shoes
One lone wedged-heel red shoe that gives clue
That she knew what her fate would be soon
Aware her soul__spirit would take flight
One lone wedged-heel red shoe that gives clue
The owner was last one to die the death
Aware her soul__spirit would take flight
Memories filled her every thought
The owner was last one to die the death
Terror, horror with every breath
Memories filled her every thought
Of family, friends, life, love__children
Terror, horror, with every breath
Because she knew what fate would be soon
Same as family, friends, love__children
On top of the pile__shoes upon shoes

Memories like you dont always shine true.
Nor do old places hold that magic.
In a life so short.
That seems so traggic.
Im thinking of forever while slowley fading away.
Oh such clear thinking on a cloudy day.
A summer ago is when we met.
So far now it seems.
Yet the still my heart holds no regret.
The poetry you inspired apon this very page.
Is ment to complment a love without age.
Early morning memories that you've lent.
Is simpley a dream of time well spent.
A dark sky hides the sunlights ray.
Such is the clear thinking on such
a cloudy day.
Im not blind yet for years
hope has went unseen.
Sometimes age can taint a sweet dream.
Turning bitter the once colorful
fruit.
Killing wonder straight at the root.
A love like our's has kept with change.
And grown in definance.
Like a silly game.
We formed this this passion swept Alliance.
First with love you must blindly fall.
Then you must try to run when you
can bareley crawl.
To outlast the storms is to stand against the wind.
To ignor friends and to put trust in
a stranger and depend.
Many thoughts run through my head.
In the early morning as she lay against me
in bed.
A heart has many rivers a soul is a endless sea.
As we apart we are caged.
While togather we are free.
From this loves eternal bliss my heart should never
stray.
As i sit clear is my thinking on such a cloudy day.

i come from
the jungle of despair
with its vines and thorns
full of emptiness
i come from
the nothingness of space
without stars
born of a black hole
a vacuum of longing
i come from
a man and a woman
but not
a mother and a father
not husband and wife
nor even lovers
i come from
potential unrealized
and opportunity missed
slashing away
in the rain forest of frustration
clearing the way
for the seed of hope
i come from
the society that killed
malcolm x
and left me for dead
that promoted slavery
longer than liberty
i come from
here
wishing i was
there

wind always knows
it limitation
as it writes its swirling
scripts upon threadbare roof.
lamentations for the
fields of empty prairies
as the dry leaves rustle
in strings of grass…
i do not know
my boundaries
the geographical shapes
of my darkness
for life
has been left empty
with only a puppy
of narrowness
to feed
scraps of plain verse too
how the tail wagged for years
as empty …
i light candles
like images on the window
of my smile
for the sputter of light
is much more reassuring
than the breathless darkness.
i recite my own alphabets
that i have
hidden in the mysteries of my throat
and marvel as the moonlight passes
through the simple words
the trellises of upper
and lower case
shades i have formed
with my craftless hands
and letters
speak upon the glass
of outside
like frost
for i have found my true words
and they fit my squalor
with a strength of calmness
for darkness cannot
abide in smallness
so it leaves me
as the darkest raven
ever imagined…

Three years ago, we started from nothing
Nothing at all, just us and the will to go on
We worked and we worked, we fought for each other
Stood up alone and together, looking out for one another
But early last year we got off track
We got lazy and bored, it was resistance we lacked
As time wandered on our lives became sour
We need each other but only for a few hours
Then life turned upside down and everything was broken
What was real became haunted, we felt close to choking
So here we are now in the same situation
Problem is now that we don’t have us, different sensation
Now what do we do, which way do we turn, where do we go
I miss what we had; I regret every move now even more so

I once heard a saying,
that the happiest people are the saddest
Shining because they’ve seen the darkest
Like the lotus that grows out of mud
Or the rotting stump that bears a bud..
You never know what troubles the mind
So be careful with words unkind
The glowing person just beside you
Could be a crumbling ruin behind the hairdo
Most people struggle everyday
Souls burdened with decay..
I guess it takes a lot of courage
To act normal with that damage
Hard to believe that under the surface
Lives a soul with no purpose
A cry for help won’t be any crisper
Listen to the their inner whisper..

You wish to reach the deepest parts of me
To lure the abandoned child from her eternal sleep
To protect my shrouded frailty and soothe the storm within
But through no fault of my own, I could never truly let you in
You will underestimate my devotion, and burden my heart
Shatter my delicate trust, and at your hands, I'll surely fall apart
It would be wise for me to forget
Your eyes, your arms, your lips upon my neck
The heart knows no rationale, unlike the mind
But it holds the answers that logic unceasingly struggles to find
It's in my nature, it has always been my way
To seek comfort in solitary darkness, I find no refuge in the light of day
In my earliest years I discovered that no matter which love I chose
Far too many thorns mar a single rose

Here’s what I’m thinking now
at the end of the world:
There are no atheists in foxholes—
no theists in politics.
If knowledge is power,
and power corrupts,
then why did I bother reading you, Cicero?
Does it matter that I didn't’t love you?
Would it have mattered if I did?
There’s a poetry reading tonight
whence I’I'll chide other poets
who don’t sit alone.
I won’t bring up death
but I might have to breathe,
even into a mike
and mouth lines to get a snap or a boo
maybe even a wince or two.
Just maybe I’I'll talk about love
and how following your heart is like following a dog—
it only leads to vittles and (female dogs).
But how many times have I used that line
since the story I wrote about you,
a witty and sexy and fictional you?
Most likely I’I'll read something tonight about you.
I won’t recite it from memory
because I don’t think about you that much anymore,
not even when I search for my socks in your drawer
or when I put on the scratchy sweaters you give me,
horizontally striped to bring out my eyes?
I don’t remember your eyes
except they are blue.
And I don’t remember you,
not even when I smell cucumber and apple,
not even when I sleep on my side of the bed
or when you walk through the door
happy to see me;
even then I don’t remember you.
Does it matter that I don’t love you?
Would it have mattered if I did?
How about a few one-liners
for the end of days?—
Depression is self-awareness,
which you’d know if you were;
I need Ritalin to listen to you,
Lithium to hug you,
Viagra to feel you,
and Valium to sleep.
All you need
is me standing there, waiting at home
with turns of phrase and word plays
telling you about why I hate Ayn Rand
but want to buy as much as I can
and how I love celebrity gossip
and detest poetry slams
and find rhyming trite
except when I am.
Hypocrites can still be right,
which you do understand
because you nod at my nonsense
about fighting the man.
But now, at the end of all things—
I’m speechless and witless and pointlessly well-read,
and you’re just sitting there, smiling
asking me to pass the bread.

She's sliding and if you look past, if you watch her.....
maybe you'll capture a glance of her yesterday.....
“Sunrise only falls when you don't believe tomorrow exists,” I explained, in my most
patient tone.
She bit her lip and shook her head, she followed me into my room and shut the door, she
locked us in, for an hour it seemed, and whispered in my ear....
“I can write pain better than anyone,” she informed me, “I'm brilliant at tears.”
And with this she tore pages out of my beloved sketch book, the one that no one is allowed
to touch, and just when my jaw fell with the shock of her brazenness, I shut my mouth as I
watched her pen turn letters into sobs....
I followed the words as they ran down, as ink turned into pretty swirls that screamed art
and I told her...
“Your angst belongs in a museum.”
I had never seen her smile before, I had never heard her grin, but her lips parted at that
moment as a single curl dropped down her previously wrinkled forehead and I saw the beauty
in eyes that cry and knew that she had realized I accepted it.
“Oh, but who would pay to hear me scream?” she asked, almost joking, as she crossed her
legs and sat forward a bit, as her teeth tugged on her bottom lip, as she looked more her
age and resembled a child instead of me....
“I would,” I replied, as I pushed back her hair and kissed her on the nose, “I would, if I
didn't hear you in my dreams almost every night.”

I'm Agonizing every Word that my mind Creates
You've done this all to me
release your wrath to Me
You wonder How much a Human Heart can take
I've reached the limit
You've invaded me on every level
none of this is Mine anymore
I can't bleed enough for You
We're through
This, This Torture
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You
Feel Free to abuse
If it's you I won't lose
The Winds push away
The Vines pull forth
I'm at a lose on what to do
So very lost and Confused
Don't say we're through
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You
I Hate you
...Don't leave me
I push you so far away
But need you so close
I'm on the edge
you're all I really need
I'll do anything
Just don't Abandoned me
leaving has it's toll
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You

In frozen ivory towers and burning dungeons
The inescapable truth is that in the darkness
Even your shadow leaves you
Stare at the abyss and the void fills you
Your mind trapped as you hide your black-hole heart
Shadows lurking out of sight
Manifestations surround you
the journey of the hopeless soul
Is it a lesson that must be endured
To make the heart steady
So that when you reach the end
You truly appreciate how bad it could have been
And what you’re capable of
So that you know that you all need
Is your beating heart and nothing else
Just you
Believing in a dream..
Something that
The darkness
Can’t touch.

They speak lies and deal in pain.
Ask for your confession .
Yet torment the week and insane.
Preaching to thoose who need hope.
A dealer in disguise.
So clever is his dope.
Hands apon the innocent rules without reason
lead to a perverts desire.
Fancy robes burn just as fast within hells fire.
A idea so good thought.
A tombstone left is a marker.
Trust in the father is what we were taught.
And old trunk and a empty promise
only take space.
The soul when broken.
Is just another empty damaged place.

Complete darkness
No sound at all
This is where you live
No one to talk to
The blackness, engulfing
Smothering the air out of you
In this vast void with lack of light
You are forced to believe
That you see a speck
A tiny green light
Way off in the distance
This blot of light brings so much hope
So many desires
You can hardly breath
Suddenly the light grows larger
You feel elated
Then FLASH
Complete darkness
No sound at all
Things are back
To the way they will always be

The rage I feel now is boiling inside, pressure in my head
I have never liked this feeling when I’ve felt it before, too close to being dead
I am tormented between jealousy and guilt, not sure how to deal
If I could figure it all out and make it all right, to tell only which is real
My head is throbbing hard, my eyes real sore, something’s gotta break
I lie in my bed and think it all through, not sure how much more I can take
No one on the phone, no knock at the door, no answer to my call
If it does not change soon, honest to God, I fear I am going to fall
With one final thought, I head for the door, a crime I am to commit
Rage filling me now, unable to stop, damned, this I will admit

I set fire to the caskets of your ever-burning shame
Crossing lines that were smothered in yesterday’s rain
Holding onto words that scorch my spirits
My happiness to you living hell
Pulling me apart, smothering me
Telling me you love me but not showing me
You are like the first Twin Tower that fell,
Shattered and torn by foreign enemies
And I am soon the next to fall…
By the remnants of your grimace-laced tantrums
Shackled by your negativity
It is a wonder one can sleep at night
Feeling the dampness of self-pity you wallow in
Comparing and despairing… always comparing
I thought I knew you like a favorite subject
I thought I could be myself
But everything that is me is shredding you to tears
And I sigh, ached by your fears
Burying my talents so that you may stand tall
So that you can shine in the glimmers
Of my poignant fall of sobs and shivers
…
I lose everything in the wasteland of your dots
Quiet descention weighing the worries
Keeping them down and in a flurry
Crawling around me, feeding the decay
To never hear the voice behind those words
I love you… I LOVE YOU…
I scarcely know you
Kiss my shards that have once been whole
Cradle industrial waste because I can no longer taste
The tears you shed that are too fast for me to wipe
Burying me against the sharp rocks tonight
And you run away…you always run
That is all we ever do, you see
I am a happy person,
A content as ever being inspired by the galaxies surrounding me
Exhaling the laughter of my comrades
But there… in some dark distance…
I hear the high-pitched frequency of your tidal waves of envy
You can have my world…
You can have my fame…
I am heading to space,
Where I may find solace alone
And for once taste
Freedom from your stark embrace
Wanting me for yourself to fill in your space
Have you ever stopped to wonder why I am still around?
I care for you beyond light and sound
But ever for that—you hated, jeered and spat
Crumbled as you play the victim
Becoming an enemy I can only learn to love
So I hand this world to you
Where both of us have fallen
You can have my world—my words
But you cannot have me…..
-June 2, 2014-

it began so innocently
we exchanged ideas on poetry
his art, the suffering he endured
he preyed upon my compassion
as he meticulously bided his time...
i felt safe as we expressed
our mutual love of words
i was excited, i was learning,
unbeknowst to me, i was his prey..
many months and thousands of hours,
talking, reaffirmed my trust; faith in him
he shared his life, triumps & tragedies
i supported all he desired for himself..
i understood, i felt his pain,
his drive i admired, he overcame tremedous odds,
became a doctor so others would not suffer as he had;
he baited me; the innocent and naieve one.
living life with no regret,
i chose to take a leap of faith,
he guided me, alleviated my fears,
of promises to cherish and adore me..
as a tiger waits patiently to pounce on his prey
i was oblivious to his hatred inside,
he was a master of manipulation
his mission - to destroy me..
i felt he was worth giving
up all i knew to build a life
he so lovingly described to me,
little did i know, his words - poison..
america bound i left everything i knew; i loved.
the terror of his drunken rages, his icy silence,
the cruelty of his words stung like red hot coals.
what he admired most about me,intensified his hatred.
the vacancy in his eyes was terrifying,
i was alone in a strange country,
knowing no one, in a house, not a home,
full of tension, rage, abuse; numb and in shock;
this was my reality..
with each painstaking day of living in terror
dreading his arrival, my fear reached new heights;
i had enough; i was leaving.
his rage increased, his words pure venom..
i was numb, shaking, fear drove me to action
he became desperate, i did not sleep
for fear of never waking, his actions so terrifying
i felt a strength within, empowering me..
planning my escape, fear became my ally,
i reached the airport and did not stop shaking
until safely on the plane, doors shut,
moving down the runway to take-off;
i wept, i crumbled, i collapsed.
jubilantly at home, i felt peace, safe,
and soaked in the beauty of my freedom; my home.
it has been six weeks; i have flashbacks,
terror still haunts me; i am determined
to not let another change me.
i am healing and am grateful for every
moment i smile, smell a flower, witness
the marvel of each sunrise and sunset.
i am a blessed girl.
~this was me~

Swirling, chaotic, unending, torturous, darkness. Black as the deepest black, he sits,
wondering how could she nurture his dark side. This blinding rage that fills his soul, is
so foreign, he’s usually so calm, and collected. But she is starting to damage his calm.
This music isn’t helping, nothing does. It just builds and builds the temperament slowly
getting worse and worse. This poison is killing him, if he doesn’t release it, he will
explode. But where does he turn to let loose the torrential hatred? How can he loose
this torment on others and live with himself. To be or not to be violent, THAT is the
question. Does he continue to proliferate, or does he release upon the masses. Which
is the lesser of two evils, to die from his own abomination, or does he smite those who
cause this?

Does everybody feel the same as I do?
Lost? Adrift? Disconnected? Confused?
Does anyone know how to ease the hurt of truth
For the accuser, as well as the accused?
I've heard there's bliss
Found somewhere in ignorance
For those who have been stripped
Of their already fleeting innocence
So I continue to move through this life
Practiced smile, that doesn't quite reach my eyes
Which instead reflect the emptiness
That fills me up inside
It hurts to feel so alone and uncertain
Consumed by doubt and fear
Eventually life becomes a burden
Damaged beyond all repair
The temptation to numb all sensation
It more powerful than one might believe
I'll sacrifice the pleasure, to relieve the devastation
As passion gives way to apathy
Say whatever you want
About those who dwell on the past
Go ahead and judge me from your moral soapbox
While you cower behind your mask
The opinions of most matter very little to me
It won't be taken to heart as you intend it to be
First you'd have to practice the words you preach
If you ever do then I promise I'll start listening

Forgotten thoughts resurface like the dim light of the stars
seeping from the wounds that sit on shelves in broken jars
never to be mended in the tattered threads I've weaved
knotted in the fabric of the falsehoods I believed
to bind me in the cobalt tide that no one vessel keeps
what seems are dreams for some of you are nightmares while I sleep.
Proudly they parade in gaudy colors crimson laced
radiating fiercly from the fears I haven't faced
crashing as the seas of sorrow wash the taste of pain
out of my mouth as I turn south where nothing left remains
but scattered, dusty memories and used up yesterdays
and scars that last from days gone past in hues of blacks and greys.

Like turning our backs
From stinging needles of icy wind
We dust our impervious spirits clean
Acceptance is the LIGHT
The way
The might
The only solution
As grievous as it seems~
An intangible hell wallows in sin
Tragedies can maul our spirits away
Adversity wins
Try as we may…
Let it go
Toss comprehension
…to the winds
Learn to accept
‘Tis not GOD'S way
Tear torment to shreds
Create Satan’s own havoc
Learn shame can be a ploy
Playing a pawn in Satan’s game
Do not be fooled…
nor wallow and break down
An inevitable outcome
A situation unforeseen
Comprehension beyond reason
Accept fate and rise
Broadcast your strength to Satan
Let acceptance seethe….
Acceptance needs no reason
Allow your wisdom to thrive

the jukebox in the corner haunts this baroom like
a ghost.
Lonley is the soul under the neon light that serves
as the host.
Broken knuckles and shattred dreams.
We spend are time chasing empty lovers.
But it always comes back to the bottle
it does seem.
The blues are like a old friend.
To many shallow hearts.
But apon this smoke filled companion I can
depend.
The mirror just above the sink.
Reflects the truth.
As the bottle helps me not to think.
I put it down a time are two.
Found it helped fill a void.
Answered the question for which i had no
clue.
Left many a broken heart in the dust.
Was it a cowards lie.
A onenight stand a moments passion laced
with lust.
Misspelled thoughts apon napkins in a room were it's not
so easy to see.
In a dark lit corner.
Sits the bottle and me.
People gatherin to pass the time women askin
for a light.
Shadows hide the scars from many a drunken
fight.
The blues it knows us so very well.
Stories of legend.
Of which the poets do tell.
Busted knuckles and broken hearts.
Worn out lies and false starts.
The worn out veteran trying to forget.
The once young dreamer.
Who now lives to regret.
We are bound by chains no eye may see.
So is the case of the
bottle and me.

Part 1
Onion
the delicacy of friendship
I found you in the flowers
Standing tall we become one
Looking down from gangly towers
Squash, you burn, you pillage, son.
Follow me you say in tongues
Thy shallow mind reveal me tell
Whisper lies clean load the guns
I feel the burn I rot in hell
Friend folly menacing the liar
I loathe this coffin how it leaks
Dear foe you raped me set on fire
The onion peal itself and weeps
Part 2
Traitor
dear monkey boy
Older eyes eat themselves,
glance and kill the other
Unified in the dance,
they steer the musty rudder.
Pained and sweeter deeper wells,
poised buckets drunk with water.
Singled out the one that dried,
handed weights to pull him under.
Wiser times capture the mind,
death justifies dishonor.
Knife slice neat through the devil's back,
who stares blank and milks the udder.
Part 3
Tempest
patron saint
Inside this box
Goodbye tempestuous fall
My puppet of steel coiled thread
Smashed buttons and twisted dread,
Alarm these doors, and
Escape this delusive bunker bed
Stamp the spiders
Thief, vulture of the deflection
The mocking patron of the sinners
Erase this affliction
Relating inward at the reflection
Rise you fool
Part 4
Phoenix
i love you
close the grip
cinched hematic grip
drenched, clawing
seeking the sheave
becoming the counterweight
i absorb, now
extracting the heat
rise like a phoenix
away to be gone to be free
fix me! i have fixed me
i am alive and i love you
Part 5
Aye, Damager
Abolish her state of disrepair
Scattered, spattered drippy thoughts
All around this box of soused leaves
Soak, ferment in the faith of our love
I can't fix this, you know
I loathe this misunderstanding
Of what I am speaking, projecting
To me, Aye Damager, to you
This devil in me
turned and twisted
A wrecked elevator in rejection
Years locked painfully aware
...

Walks down by the harbor.
That cafe where are table still waits.
Times spent alone with you were golden.
So much more than just forgettable dates.
She knew what I could not understand.
Time is a gift.
A kiss of a raindrop is never ment to be kept in hand.
The steps of that old church still look out onto
the street.
Snow and time wash away the impressions.
Leaving only traces to every stranger I never truly meet.
Did it just disappear causing us to somehow lose track.
Does it seem pathetic.
To yern for all you'll never get back.
Couples see through me as easily as a ghost.
Maybe I should ramble.
But my soul will forever be attached to the coast.
Forgotten confessions are empty as to the city streets I tell.
How the young become old and bitter.
As reality shines through to show Im no longer under your spell.
For the night seems to gather the broken in a misfit pack.
Streetlights cast shadows that loom and hide.
As into a stranger I confide.
Dull has become the wit once sharp as a tack.
As I wonder do you ever reflect apon all you'll never get back.

If I were a word,
I'd be on the point of Sharon's pen...
If I were a poem,
The young one would have penned me...
If I needed to show my heart,
I guess I would be me,
If I were to lay down wisdom,
I'd be John, Vince, Ruby, Christy, Maya
But, I wouldn't be me....
If I awoke in the middle of the night,
Wrapped in fear and uncertainty,....
I would be Tom Bell again,....
In desperate need of a friend...
If I have offended, I will volunteer
To cut off the offensive part...
If someone will remember me...
Somewhere down the road...
If I can create a smile,
or a wondrous thought,
I will have exceeded my aspirations
As a person, though never quite a farah chammah,
I will see the sun rise, I will see the sun sink...
I will pray for my fellow man,
Regardless of what others may think....
One life to live?
Nonsense, the Hindus got it right,
The cycle is repeated,
Until we see the light...
Yet the light is here at Soup,
It shines so bright that it could blind,
But blind most of us are,
We keep a closed up mind...
Lives end, lives begin...
They are virtually the same...
God kisses each of us,
And grants us a special name...
But time is oblivious to all this,
It has it's own agenda,
And we are powerless to influence it,
There are higher powers we'll never understand...
But the power of our words lives on...
That power will never end.

You don't understand, I needed you
I needed you to be there for me,
The way you always said you would be
But when I asked for help, you refused
I needed you
You don't understand, I wanted you
I wanted to share our dreams
And if you had only waited
We could have had so many things
I wanted you
You don't understand, I loved you
More than I can explain now
In a way I felt for no other
I reached, but just didn't know how
I loved you
You tell me to let go of the past
But the past is still my present
You've moved on to other things
How can you simply forget it?
How could you
Forget all the laughter, friendship true
And all the love I did give
And throw me away, broken, torn
I am alive, but I barely live
How could you?
You just don't understand...

Many nights I've sat typing things for which none will ever read.
Burning midnight oil only to add to this mornings trash.
Then going about the act of pretending it's all good.
Wearing a mask of my own creation.
These long nights of endless confession to empty wall's.
Hollow thoughts from a bitter heart to scared to exist as himself.
The page lay beaten only to be erased.
the circus of life is a deception for after the show when the dust settles
the magic gives way to truth.
Tempers flare and thoose happy clowns appear to be just angry ordinary
people who hate and loath there so called friends.
Dream that it would have all been diffrent if not for this or that.
never taking blame just putting it on others like normal so called adults.
These long nights breed anger and that page takes the punishment
and like a coward I look apon this act of pure thoughtless work.
And second guess myself wishing only for the approval of people who yearn only
for the approval of some one else.
Like hamster in a wheel never getting anywhere.
For who wants to be themself when you can be a watered down version of someone who
wasnt good to start with.
I cant say the comforts of being a clone wouldnt be nice .
But I never did like things that were nice.
Never cared about being on a list or kissing someone's rearend just
to have them talk about me as soon as my back was turned.
Be yourself and cherish thoose who hate for the bitter and cruel amount to
nothing and there only hope is to lure you down there same dead end life.
The clown tries in vain to make you laugh.
The fool doenst know or care if you laugh.
And me Im just the jerk adding to the mornings trash empty
as the page that sit's befor him.

Broken
So Broken
Like Shards of glass
I'm shattered
A million pieces scattered
across the floor of my heart
Beating,
Pulsing,
Throbbing,
for your love.
But I am not worthy
for anyone's heart,
much less yours.
For so long you were my heart
And now you are gone.
I am dying
from the inside out
Like a knife carving its way out of my chest.
Blood trickles,
as I leave this place.
Sweet release

Huddled, hands entwined as one,
the thoughts, the dread
felt like a terrifying storm,
its destruction powerfully felt.
As the tear flowed freely
and anxieties grew,
they clung tighter, closer;
though they already knew.
The room though non-sterile
reeked an aura of death,
for in this solemn room;
their worst fears were met.
As the doctor walked in
eyes stoic, stature tall,
he uttered the words;
your baby is gone.
She fought with the spirit
of one wise beyond her years,
you may be with your baby;
her sweet soul is now free.
Huddled, hands entwined as one,
they wept together, what was left to say.
The drunk driver who killed their baby
in this karmic world;
would pay; would pay.

At
gray fabric offices,
cubicles divide us—
turn us into
refuges
with mock privacy,
as overheard conversations
drip from lips
endlessly smacking.
Sometimes
it seems insanity
squared—
nothingness
randomly speaking
in tongues
to cubicles
with no one there.
We
thumb tack
individuality
loosely
to coarse fabrics—
arms stretched out
from wall to wall,
as mouths open
to mirrored
silences
we never
scream.

take this blade
and cut your wrists
make escape holes for the devil
let him leave you
through the bleeding
make the world then somewhat level
it's a sacrifice
most unholy
but for the good of all mankind
so take thy soul
unto the slaughter
and you'll find i'm right in time
sure i'm just
your shoulder demon
and yes i've fallen from what's divine
but no lives
will get saved this evening
'less you're willing to cross the line

What you see is a hollow shell,
Inside I stand alone in my private hell.
My pain is something I try to hide,
It is kept locked deep inside.
No one to talk to about my morbid thought,
Nor anyone to care nor anyone that can be sought.
On my face you will see a smile,
But inside I have been hurting all the while.
I have sisters who I love dearly,
But lines between us have been drawn clearly.
I have friends, a very a select few,
But they have their own problems they are going through.
I hate to be an obligation.
What I would give not to have that sensation.
I want to be asked about in genuine concern,
Not because you see me as problem to discern.
I know these issues are mine and mine alone,
However it would be nice for someone to just phone.
To ask how I am really feeling,
And not take the crap that I have been speeling!
I want someone just once to say
That they thought of me today.
That they want to know what way went by,
That caused me to lose the twinkle in my eye.
I ask about everyone because I truly care,
But feel like I am not really all there.
Is it too much to ask
For someone to forget about the past?
I know that most of this is my own making,
But it is still real, there is no faking.
One day I hope to have that sparkle back.
But 'til then I remain still at the end of the pack.
Still a hollow shell,
Still alone in my own private hell.

Distill emotion
to one cliché “I love you”
call it poetry
Wrap all your feelings
in colorful box, ribbons,
call it greatest gift
Inflated ego
sworn superiority
call it all I need
I hear no trace of
regret in the voice speaking
of indiscretions
I see no sign of
truth in the dark eyes that claim
to love me only
I feel not the touch
of kindness from hands that give
only when they need
Hit-and-run kisses
when all I need is for you
to linger a while
Beware the high ground
only time until the fall
inevitable
Singular captures
only the essence of one
and that one is you
I lost myself there
sometimes I think you love me
for bending to you
So say it’s untrue
though every verb indicates
quite the contrary
I can not believe
manipulated words when
you’re hiding your eyes
Redeem, for this heart
that fell blissful into you
is reaching out still

When did things change?
When did we stop imagining?
When we were young we believed in dragons, witches, gnomes and trolls
Nights were spent under a blanket
We read of princesses and heroes
In our mind we were there
We helped free the woman in danger
We slew the dragons
But we knew they would come back the next night
Always wanting another fight
Witches cast their spells on us
Somehow we knew that we changed
No one ever noticed, but we knew
That spell written in the book was meant for us
But in the morning we were the same.
We walked through the woods
Every bridge had creaks and groans
We knew that a troll was beneath waiting to jump
But we always made it to the other side
Safe for now, or at least until we walked home.
When did we lose that life?
When did we stop imagining?
Maybe it was part of growing up?
We don't want to think that Sleeping Beauty and Snow White may be real
Maybe, just maybe, we are their fairy tale.

1.
My grapefruit tanned
toothpicks
bow above
the five-day flattened
spot
in an olive shag carpet
tracing grandpa Leo's
blueprint,
with one encapsulated
toe –
this is the femur, this is
the head,
this is the fist, the ring
finger, the soul.
I search for any blunt
white quivering slivers
of Caroline's purported
fly fetuses.
2.
Huddling behind the
corpse
of an old hospital bed,
a framed photo
smoke browned and
wearing my toddler face,
watches
his children choke
hushed, broken
sentences
this will be yours, my
plate, separate the
holiday china…
an enigmatic language
that hovers in
smoke stretched rings
to wilt
upon the hallway
bulb.
3.
I am left
the ceramic cygnet,
and an ivory carved
dromedary.
These artifacts
plucked
from his porcelain
menagerie
that I decipher
through dust fingerprints
for
one small inheritance of
a memory.
4.
Tomorrow,
Aunt Rose
puts price
to his bibelots,
the olive shag carpet,
even cousin Amy's
plastic horse,
who was accidentally
left to pasture on an
afghan.
A silver plated glass cage
image of her past,
she says she will whittle
all of him,
from the
wooden
house
bones.

The wind passed through the trees
A delicate touch
A delicate leaf,
fell on me
Crisp and tan,
down it fell...
You cannot change
A turning leaf
A falling leaf
A falling man
I held it in my hand
So light...
So fragile...
How this leaf could withstand
A Summers season
Now a dying Autumn,
in this changing land
The colour turned...
The leaves fell on me
A falling man,
in a changing Autumn land
A delicate touch
A delicate leaf
Could be crushed
Yet, with a soft blow
I let an Autumn leaf go
The leaves falling...
From an Autumn tree
Crisp and tan
A falling man
A falling leaf
A falling me
I will appear
Lush and green,
in a summer next year
A delicate leaf
you have seen
you have let it go
in a changing colourland so

So tired is my soul this eve,
and my heart hangs heavy within me,
I've finally purged to the paper,
the words I've needed to
for so long,
although a release,
a strange sort of relief,
I grieve too
for meanings lost
somewhere between the lines
and your soul.
My intentions so deep,
I drowned myself beneath them.
Yet finally,
after purging my angst,
I shall rise to the surface,
and live freely once again.

Knowing me now, I take the central target
No matter what it seems that I am lost
I throw away what could maybe save me
I break apart when I need to stand
If I am so much to me, why must I fall down?
To over-think what comes, I’m full of lies
But this self aggression is what I was raised on
Without depression I feel that I’d be gone
With hopes of grandeur and a hope obsession
With lies built up as though there’s no such thing
With hate affliction and a love addiction
I’d be dead before I’d even smiled
Knowing you now and my eyes wide open
I am the phoenix and I’ll take you down
For within this anger lies a desperate child
No matter what he knows he can’t be saved
Despair is over and his dreams forsaken
The ashes rise now and the blame’s on you
When I wake without the mask of laughter
I will scream and I will burn you down
My judge will die now and all words forgotten
I am fire in its purity
Even if you see me I’ll tear your eyes up
Burn you out with no sincerity
I’ll reach your mind and I’ll make it blind now
I’ll find a way to make you hate yourself
I am all of you and more
I’ve seen through everything before
What you feel will gather in me
And with this I will bring you down
I am fear and I am the helpless
If I live, my goals are far too dark
With self destruction and a fading mask now
Give me ears and I will avenge
The self conflictions that avert my eyes here
They’re too far gone now to ever stop
So give me anger and I know I’ll smile
Feed the phoenix and you will get burnt

will I awaken
tears?
struggling, uncomfortably
adjusting to fears:
change - stagnation breeding boredom
acceptance - realization that it's over
Self - knowledge that I must face
truth - she's found another lover....
discheveled droopy drawers
howling down on all fours,
drinking
under table,
walking
though unable, I
vanish
in the wind.
Symbols of the ways
that I have wrongly sinned,
Against my inner portrait
Image with no mirror,
A painted picture of the soul:
UNDESIRABLY SUPERIOR
to the one you primp
and pose for,
for vanity's sake:
take yr daily dose
of annihilistic rape!
Yr outer - woven
cloven hoofs
are worn and swollen
Better take yr beauty sleep
before Time has it stolen...
So wash yr guilty
wants with lie,
and scrub yr yellowish heel,
rinse yr drydrunk unconscious
and tip-toe at the wheel,
weave in
out the traffic
and push the pedals hard,
to erase the dividing lines from memory
without a spoken word...

I see pain in their eyes.
I hear sorrow in their cries.
Inside I break and cry alone,
with my eyes of fire and heart of stone.
No matter how much pain I feel
I am sure that I will always deal
the way I know..alone
with my eyes of fire and heart of stone.
Others may not know the fear.
They know just what they see or hear.
I come off cruel and cold.
Inside I'm not...I'm just not bold.
I have to thank my mother
for the love she's never shown
The one thing that she did give me...
her eyes of fire and heart of stone.

You are like a thousand drugs
The absence of you makes me want to
Kill what I feel
Not because of your warmth but because
My heart is so cold
Maybe someday we'll learn to make relationships last
Maybe someday we'll learn to forget our past
And we'll learn to control without poisons
What exactly did I write you
Bringing this out into the open of all times
Naked
Made me throw it all way
Broken
And everything happened this way
Worst mistake that it happened this way
Everything seemed so perfect
Just for the record
Drugs or something
Made it seem like one makeout session
And of course it hadn't even started yet
So hard not to laugh out loud
Picking this up with you
Are you hiding in cult practices
New job printing dragonflies on your back
Almost serious suicide
Stepping inside me and changing everything that I am
We'll have all of the mind-blowing sex
You'll change struck by lightening
I've been here before
So leave quietly before we become something more
Maybe someday we'll learn to renew our past
And someday we could put some relationships last
So we'll learn obedience without the choke collar
After all you've done for me

Dark the shadow, moving among us as a thief,
Deftly slipping its thin, spiny fingers
Deep into those hearts not yet strong
Tugging almost effortlessly at the soul within
That knows not, the light, the bright salvation.
For only a small step towards the shining star
Would summon the angels to battle,
Fierce, cunning, strong, they fly to their call.
But, alas, though a small step, a deep, endless chasm
For one so lost, so tortured...so alone.
The others watch yet do nothing to stop
The growing vastness of nothing,
Suckling all life, all hope from where it feeds
So simply, with hardly a protest or fight, not even a whimper;
Only abandon and sadness, regret and loss.
Yet in the distance a soft and gentle song trumpets in the wind,
Calling back the lost and weary souls forgotten,
Calling them all back, aching for their pains and sorrows,
Offering a choice if only they would hear.
Closer and brighter, chasing shadow back into the night.
The endless battle surely bringing victory to one
Yet, we watch and do nothing, and the angels cry out
Their frustrations and despair, and with prayers that man will take
That step of faith, opening their hearts as all who hunger for the light,
May find salvation and end the nothingness that grows.

This puppet self-conflicted
Surreal to the end
I’m painting my own master
From the pain that I depend
This master so forgiving
Never one to speak
I am frightened of his laughter
And I depend because I’m weak
These strings eternal rapture
My strings are every pain
Unseen but granting vision
Yet never letting me relate
This puppet unbecoming
Whenever I have come undone
Unseen yet still regretting
That I have never had such fun
Master please implore me
Teach me how to stand
So I can divide this mirror
Between myself and why I’m damned
And all that’s left is silence
Between this mirror land
Where puppets are their masters
To deny the strings within their hands
Suddenly strings reach out
Right across this pain
Entangled within others
As the master starts his game

Must be so far
'Cause I can't see the end
Here's hoping
Here's to all who never cared
I said I'd serve you until the end
Not so hard to understand
But you have killed the moment
Left me here for dead
Coming too fast
'Cause I can see the end
Here's hoping
You take time forget
I said I'd serve you until the end
Not so hard to understand
But you have killed the moment
Left me here for dead
Coming too late
'Cause I have passed the end
Here's hoping
You let go of all regrets
In comes the tide
To wash your life away
Here's hoping
That you're on solid ground

anxiety showing through;
bated breath and tired sighs
all the same
today and tomorrow...
just crude forgeries of yesterday
nothing changes
every exhalation breathing out
another piece of our monotony ridden souls
pressure
strife
choking me, constricting my lungs
as if even the air is now my enemy
blowing and pushing me in directions
that I'd sworn never to take
anxiety showing through

How do I breathe
When the air is so thin
With lungs made of fire
And walls closing in
How do I see
In darkness of night
With eyes made of water
And nothing in sight
How do I love
With sadness and pain
With a heart made of earth
Washed out by the rain
How do I know
That everything's fine
One look at my family
The sun starts to shine.

I’ve been staring out the window all night long
But I don’t know what it is I expect to see
Maybe I will see myself walking, happy,
Down the street, where I can cross to the other side
But the street is empty
And there’s nothing but the falling leaves
So I look back inside now
Where I try to forget
That the world outside is not so cold
And the emptiness inside me
Is the only feeling that I know
And I cry…
I’ve been living with the pain of a love gone wrong
When inside I know that love seems so damned right
So tell me that you just don’t love me, it’s better
Than saying that you love me
But we can’t put it back together
The shards that are so broken
You should know, I’d give anything
To have the chance to make you see
That I’m not the one who hurt you
Look at me, don’t you see who I am?
But the silence here is deafening
I know I must forget you
But don’t know why…
So I sit here by my window looking out
Watching life just pass me by while I sit alone
I look for something to move me, distraction
But all I see are falling leaves
As they land and scatter
I know the breeze that blows
Because I feel it in my soul
And it’s cold and so unyielding
Blowing across the street
So I cannot cross to the other side
Still, I keep looking
And I cry…

I
Boastfully, I regret no deeds,
my sins are minor, lame, and weak.
These children, though born dead, are strong,
like a necromancer, I make them dance.
Machineries, and wretched whores,
all linger midst my core's hollow depths.
So violent, I reproach their names,
like demons, they return the favour.
Silence now, no not a sound,
save for my gears, grinding gold.
A littany, these vicious lines,
meant to be enjoyed in Death.
So let me sleep, wake me not,
the Grave is my truest home.
Quietly, I shall decay,
and I will become my art.
II
Burn this body, this sinful cage,
bound to Earth's pleading ways.
My soul is chained within,
the keys just out of reach.
Pleasantries, I crave emotion,
intoxicated, I find them here.
Cells may rot, the better then,
so that the soul may roam.
Spread the ashes near and far,
somewhere left unseen.
Not valiant, not brave,
I am the Coward's King.
So still my heart of violence,
let the impurities flow.
Diminish all your foolish laws,
this soul belongs to me.

The open sea
Seems endless
In every direction for me
The last accompanying sail
Gone over the edge,
The tip of the mast
A sight I found a comfort
Is now a thing of the past
All alone on a world
With no end
Sailing alone
With a heart to mend
No ocean liner
Or luxury yacht for me
A simple boat
On this useless sea
If I make
Some distant shore
To sail once again
A desire I will have no more

Blood i seek, blood i lust,
blood i crave, blood i must!
Day has gone night is here,
eternal day thats all i fear!
Years have past seem like days,
endless night i stop to gaze.
Forever young i cant get old,
thirst for blood my skin is cold.
Born centuries ago in a far distant land,
were i fell victim to another hand!
I left my home land so long ago,
where this evil feeling did so grow!
I searched for others just like me,
i sailed the ocean across the sea.
Years went by my search was long,
looking for belief to were i belong.
It was Paris (1304)it finally came,
i think of it again and again
The night was young it was pouring with rain
She whispered in my ear that we are the same.
Enemy of man, they hunt me down,
home for now, this old town.
I hear their thoughts, i smell their fear,
most often they don't now am here.
I keep my face on that old bookshelf,
because that's the only time i see myself.
Blood i need, before sun rise,
staring through these black cold eyes
I roam the night were creatures call,
i write this now from this old town hall.

Perched on a smooth river rock
studying her reflection in the flow
A timeline of changing faces
slowly drifts by...
Carefree happy child
running, playing among trees.
Rebellious miserable teen
banging her head against authority.
Disillusioned, deeply depressed
escaping with her spirit broken.
New mother ecstatic in California
memorizing his growing up slide show.
Lonely, desolate woman with wrong partners
until near death does she part.
Empty-nesters' angst ridden face
hidden, lost in darkness.
Unstoppable learner/teacher
finding her pieces in lifes' school.
Evolving computer addict, isolator
searching on-line for love.
Mostly content, peaceful now
her heart found God and "true blue."
Freedom lover flying, watching from above
Her lifes' puzzle face more balanced
yet incomplete.

The young boy happy and contented in life
Sheltered from the real evils of man
Lost in his room with the treasures of adventure
Unbridled dreams tapestry serene summer days
Purity of youth’s innocence in soft blue eyes
This happy child lost in pages upon his bed
Never paying life a second thought
The realization that someday he would pass on
Oh, to be invincible again if only for a moment…
Years flitter by on the winds as they always have
Struggle reared up its eyes all to often
The imagination boy of unsullied venture
Began the transforming journey into the world
The crisp blue eyes of photographed youth
Now a hard gray reflecting scars of strife
The insatiable ardor for living in the moment
Becomes the bittersweet flavor of years gone by
Under the flushing candle his sword now a pen
He writes of looking in the mirror of whetted eyes
Wishing what he believed then, he could grasp now.
Oh, to be invincible again if only for a moment…

Sometimes when I see
A happy family
It quickly gets to me
The sadness that must be
In this lonely life of just me
For whatever sins I may have done,
I never meant to hurt anyone
And whatever luster I had in life,
Burned away with a cheating wife.
I realize part was my fault
I did not provide something I ought,
But the pain was slow to fade,
In the misery that she made
Now hope has come again to me
In a beauty all can see
Shining from the inside out
Makes me want to shout
And, I know that I am blessed.
And in happiness I am dressed.

I wish this battle would end today
I’m so tired and really must say
That if you continue
To stress me out
I’m afraid there’s more I can do
Than simply just shout
You say I drive you crazy
And you don’t know why
That I must scream, yell and cry
Well just once
You should hear me out
Then maybe I wouldn’t
Feel the need to shout out
But you must understand
There is a reason to you whys
Why you make ME crazy
And why I easily cry
And I’m not saying
I’m right and you’re wrong
I’m simply saying
It’s getting hard to go on
With this life I made with you
Our home, our marriage
And our children too
I love you all without doubt
But I can’t stand
How you make me shout
And I do not like the way you are
When you say that’s it
And that it is YOU who are tired
For I have put in
One hundred and ten percent
And you may say you love me
But I can’t see that yet
I thought I did when we first met
But that one I haven’t
Figured out just yet
But I know this without a doubt
That the that you make me shout
Just isn’t right
And is driving me insane
As well as it is you
I can see your views
But the problem here
Is easy to see
It is a little bit you
And a little bit me
And together with family
Disaster makes three
That is my view
At this present time
Concluded from the vibes
That I get from you
And if you don’t get
What I’ve been trying to say
Then I hope and I pray
You figure it out one day
For I’m tired of explaining
Myself to you
When all that you do
Is form your own views
I’m sick of the way
I scream and I shout
When you twist things around
And put words in my mouth!!
8/14/2005 3:47 AM

The light has reached
us through
shattered
vessels
Yet sparks remain
in our souls
The face of reality
is too bright for us
but scattered light
in the darkness
can ease our pain
Touching the infinite
with trepidation
we see the world
through new eyes
let us be secure
in the knowledge
That we must accept that there are forces
We will never
be able
to comprehend

Across the cold concrete steps
Are strewn pears and lilies
A very long time ago
A grave tragedy occurred here
No one saw anything
No one said a word
Dark spirits now protect the site
Somber, powerful memories still remain
At the corner of forever
Out on the edge of time
Where something means everything
But means nothing at all
Stands a figure transfixed, keenly aware
that beyond the void and
Across the cold concrete steps
Are strewn pears and lilies

How long......will this sadness last
how long will I live in the past
How long....will this nightmare stay
how long...before I pray
How long...'ere the sun breaks through
how long 'til you make all things new
How long....until I realise
never to receive..other's lies
How long ?

Why is everyone so surprised,
To learn of the pain I have disguised?
They say that they had not a clue.
They always say"Who knew?"
They had not a single notion,
All the tears shed could fill an ocean.
They all want me to put my heart on my sleeve.
Why so again everyone can just leave?
They say my soul I should bare,
Yet they as well never share.
I am just going to be by myself.
My heart will be placed upon a shelf.
I am hurting way too much
No longer want to feel or touch.
I have made my many mistakes.
This is my life, that is the breaks.
I have many sins and many regrets,
Never shall I allow myself to forget.
All my pain and all my endless sorrow
Shall raise its head again on the morrow.
It is mine and mine alone.
I should not grumble or even moan.
One day the sun will surely shine,
And I will no longer whine.
Til then I will just silently scream
And pray this is nothing but a dream.

Promises made on the day he did depart.
After a long wait in hell.
When his feet touched familar soil they'd make a new start.
But time is a empty partner indeed.
Nights turned to endless hours.
And in a moment of weekness she did concede.
With time and regret so we do learn.
He saw no one waitting.
On the day of his return.
So many happy smilling faces none he did know.
Just strangers in another life.
He just a extra in the background of this traggic show.
He knew the adress but couldnt reconize the place.
many storms had passed.
But haunted was the look apon her face.
Tears and regret over what she had and for
what she did yern.
Victems of time tears but not of joy.
Shed apon this sudden return.
Deep within the eyes thoose old feelings
almost did shine through.
A confession in pain.When she waved farewell
it was already threw.
A leason of emptyness two former
lovers did learn.
Passion like any flame dies.
Leaving only smoke and darkness
to greet you apon your return.

What do you do with someone who has a black heart?
One so black, that no light can shine through it
What would you do to try to get away?
A potential killer, locked away on the inside
Now seems to be emerging and nothing can stop it
How do you plan on keeping, the devil inside?
You wanted nothing nice of me
Instead, you preferred…that I show you
The evil trapped in my heart…
Why does everyone want to…
See how far they can go with me? I wanna know
So can you please tell me?
Why doesn't anyone appreciate…
The fact that I try to remain sane? I wanna know
So, tell me…
I don’t fight much anymore like I used to
Just because the sight of blood excites me
I would fight to the death, if I could…
I've nearly killed a few of my friends when in rage
And a few times, little children as well
But I'm afraid of what I can do
That is why, I became an outcast…
Just to prevent such a thing…from happening again
Now why did you bring it out again?
Why does everyone want to…
See the evil, the demon in my heart? I wanna know
So, you better tell me
Why do you act like the rest of them?
Did you want to see me insane? I wanna know
Do you wanna die?
Everyone…doesn't deserve
To be treated with kindness…nor respect
For that matter, so why try?
Why does everyone want to…
Be caught up in the darkness? I wanna know
And you better tell me
I won't waste my time with you all
To me it seems that you want to go to hell. I wanna know
Do you plan on joining me?

Loathing and choking in a smoke filled hall,
life passing by as I begin to fall,
fiery depths has taken its toll,
eternally falling as death takes its call,
meaningless choices in life,
as the reaper Say's hi,
I turn my cheek to say good bye,
hopeless to cry,
life is done and now its good bye!
as the light passes over I wander,
a endless journey in a new world before me,
Loathing in death and endless mourning,
tears of joy and hopeless tormenting,
I heath the call to end it all,
leaning forward to a endless fall,
Fields of joy,
Filld with light,
I walk through an endless night,
no exit or escape,
I run towards a hooded man in a cape,
eyes crimson with fury,
and a scythe at hand,
skin grey like stone,
in a soft voice he whispers to me,
the end is here and your to stay,
life is pointless if you throw it away!
peace and understanding to all,
by the moon and the stars,
we give freedom of worship,
to all,
freedom of the mind,
Heart, spirit and soul,
open your eyes to a new understanding,
of the world around you,
if you all took the time to breath,
you might see a better way,
Aces over kings,
empowerment is the key,
pure of hearts,
ritual of clubs,
spades of hell roam the hearts of sheep of Eden,
Truth comes in time and essence,
life goes on and so does Wicca for eternity!

I feel the tears come as I half close my eyes
A familiar old song plays in the background as my personal
torment grinds down the old bones of wounds not yet healed
I carry the burden of my actions with
few or little outlets
My brain is turned to broil, hotter than
hell and ready to burn
Rest is all I truly crave, I beg anyone of you,
when will it be my turn
Dark forces are at work tonight, the
embers burn down low
Time is my enemy, a constant confrontation, it
moves so bloody slow
As I watch the moon rise over the mountains tonight,
my angry festering thoughts move to you
My confidant, my only true friend, my partner in crime
I am hurting deeply and I can’t get what I need,
to stick to you like glue
My outside shell is strong as ever, determined to stand
strong, resistant to attack, ready to conceal
My inner portion, soft and vulnerable is torn apart,
bleeding and wounded now, ready to reveal

As I chant my sisters' creed,
And forge my talisman,
I remember violent lullabies
That I still can't understand.
I say if these wilds could be controlled,
With wants to habilitate,
Than why on Earth would fractured souls
Still thrive to fornicate?
So here I am,
My guise be true,
Thy young sorceress,
Controlled by wilds of casting spells,
And sensual naughtiness!
I bled for them,
I chased the sun,
Now I've tied my tourniquet.
Everything that once was blue,
Is now raging violet!
The Garden's dark,
The moon is full,
I dance while I undress;
In this place, this dance, this time,
I am Nature's poetess,
As if somehow,
Back long ago,
With boundaries overstepped,
I led a life,
Oh hearts do Scream!
I lived a life unwept!

I get the silent phone calls.
I know she's on the line.
Why don't you be a man for once
and choose her home or mine?
You say I must be crazy
because I do accuse...
You must have forgotten
how much I have to lose.
I've given you the better part
of my unhappy life.
Why can't you just be satisfied
with me being your wife?
Have I made you be unfaithful?
Do I not fulfill your needs?
Or is it just your selfishness
that makes you do such dirty deeds?
I'll get the strength to leave you,
and believe me...when I do,
You'll Pay for all the pain you've caused
when she does the same to you!

In a world filled with lust and sin,
People knock, but can't get in.
There is no right, and there's no wrong.
There's no perserverance to carry on.
There's no happiness, and there is no sorrow.
Folks look forward, but not to tomorrow.
Uncertaincy grips you as you proceed with caution.
Victories are won, but not very often.
Now is the time of broken hearts,
When folks move on, and don't get very far.
Where you want to hope, you dare to dream,
And everything in life is more than it seems.
A time in life of missed opportunities and lost chances.
Where people no longer believe in "love," or "romances."
The world once known has come to an end,
And a 'new,' less appealing one is about to begin.

Speaking once for some levity
Speak it twice for revenge
Speaking three times so you look at me
You’ll hear me never again
I paint you a picture
Of everything you are
If you’re honest you will love me
Too bad I’m just another scar
Speaking of how to retrieve me
I sing my little songs
But when boredom depletes me
I’ll ask you what is wrong
If I speak of how to screw you
You’re just another toy
If I tell you that I love you
You’re just another desperate ploy
Riddles become my serenity
Psychopathic malcontent
If I can’t have you it will please me
The search for death is heaven sent

Fury unleashed
By an Enlightened soul.
Future unfolded,
But she's not a fool.
Twilight has come,
And the passage is true:
What comes with the day,
In the night remains too.
She prays 'tis a dream;
She hopes to soon wake.
If not to be so,
May her dawn never break.
Screaming and pleading,
Her most humblest desires;
Her mind being built,
A Psychotic Empire!

Directions to envision a lost trail of agony
Reveals passage to a black bag tautly held for many years
While overhauling contents of a violent imagery
I thrust forward to the pathway of rudimentary repair
To weaken the hold and ease the grips of anguish and despair
Thoughts are pulling me,pushing me toward perception more each day
Torn apart by recognition as it was consciously turned away
Broken of hand it plummets, while insulting the earth below
Thousands of tears race from the bag as I nurture my scorned ego
A gush of emotion slashes the soil in a torrent, bitter rain
While viciously spouting a pool of frustration
Then is snatched up by the dirt again
In contempt of the ailing turmoil that stifled many a goal
The soil sucks it down, further down, then swallows it in whole
The satchel of stressful burden once over-stuffed by me
Descends to fill on devil’s rations where it packs up easily
Fate of torments asunder, I had to let go
To cradle awareness and potentially grow
Advanced from suppression, unwilling to stumble
Into the black clutch of madness where healthy minds crumble

In my quest of life sublime
I face a mountain I must climb
There dwells up inside of me
A growing amount of hostility
My anger is growing day by day
Regardless of the prayers I pray
Like two grinding tectonic plates
One is love and the other is hate
As the plates slowly grind away
Price of hate my love must pay
Like a beautiful exotic dance
Hate is held in dark romance
Like a lone mountain flower
Love shall hold mystic power
The two sides of a single face
Only one can rule this place
Off to hell fallen angels go
Is this the fate of my soul?
Is the meaning of this rhyme?
Bound by the hands of time
For all to hear and all to see
Love and hate each dwell in me
Love and hate each have their goal
I wonder, which shall win my soul

Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and
read Part 2 to complete the poem and leave your comments on the Part 2 submission. Thank
you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain diminished
Me, Myself, and I...
“There are things that concern us,”
Consensed my “Selves” in earnest
““We” fear that “I” have succumbed to delusion”
“And after careful deliberation
It is with much hesitation
That we choose to delineate upon this confusion”
“Fact is your intuition
Is riddled with superstition
And your judgment leaves much to be desired”
“So you leave us no recourse
Don’t push us to use force”
It is then that the “I” was summarily fired
I exclaimed “By whose authority?” Response, “Rule of majority”
“The “Myself” and the “Me,” (forthwith the “We”), are experts in our field”
“And with much technique and time
And some forays into the sublime
The nature of your malady will be revealed”
“So to keep yourself from having a fit
Step back and just calm down a bit”
“We,” they said, “certainly have this under control”
“We swear this won’t hurt at all”
Then I felt my inhibitions fall
Still I said a prayer to God that He keep my soul
You know, fact is I do feel off axis
As evidenced by such parapraxis
As this prose that I, (or is it “Us”), seek to pen
And with my mind feeling numb
I finally chose to succumb
And allow the “Me” and the “Myself” to begin
And then came questions in a flurry
Answer, answer and please do hurry
Not one moment of respite did they give
They pushed and they prodded
With every “T” crossed and “I” dotted
My mind felt like it had gone through a sieve
And all this psycho-analysis
Is causing my mind paralysis
The questions, can you stop with the questions please
“Yes, oh yes indeed
I do believe we have what we need
To make an attempt to identify your unknown neuroses”

i am a possibility
of many possibilities
i am a ratio
an indecisive factor
in the rest of what this dimension has to offer
the world is a top
i spin it and predict the probability
that the end will equal the means
or perhaps surpass it
even if i never surpass this muck-up
these broken eardrums
and the inquisition of my empty head exclaiming empty words
and i don't even exist
especially to the solipsists, nihilists
and i no longer give a sh--
i am now officially some lazy apathetic prick
oh i could have been a possibility
but that possibility was so small
that you'd need a magnifying glass
and some tweezers
i am rust, oxified and tearing up
i am crust, the sh-- in the ring on the toilet
i am lust, but never just enough
i am bust
i am a loser without a leash and/or choke chain

Bullying
Berty Beaver, he was quiet
He never said too much
Yet Molly, Berty’s little wife
She mouthed off just a touch
She’d always threw her weight around
And poor old Tiny Tim
He got a slap most every day
And times his days felt grim
Molly, well she was his mum
And though she loved him so
She always had to nag someone
And give them a cuff or blow
Tim became a poor young man
And shrunk from every one
And as the bully’s hung around
More evil did get done
His mum she says ‘now that’s not on
They don’t do this to my son!’
And she goes running to the school
Oh, she’s an angry one
She glares the teacher up and down
And lets her know who’s boss
Teachers try hard to placate her
Though, they only suffer loss.
Then Tiny Tim, comes running in
And says right to his mum
[Frustration snatching fear away
No more his mouth hangs numb]
‘Look Mum, at what you always do!!!’
He says with voice stern
‘If you’re a bully too, then how
Will us kids ever learn.
28 June 2013 @ 1727hrs.

Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and
read Part 1 first so as to get the true gist of the poem and leave your comments here on the
Part 2 submission. Thank you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain
diminished.
Me, Myself, and I... (continued)
“Your, (Or “Our”), symptoms seem to intermit
And the fact that “You’re,” (“We’re”), a hypocrite
Tis no wonder we’re having such problems with diagnosis”
Then “I” had an idea so grand
To dispense with this at my own hand
A self-inflicted coup de grace would be my prognosis
So while the “Me” and the “Myself” squabbled
With courage newly cobbled
“I” spotted the dresser drawer and made my run
With fingers fiercely fumbling
Whilst they continued grumbling
“I” produced from the depths of the drawer a shiny gun
And now my life, though ill-fated
Was soon to be vindicated
This would affect us all equally the same
Would be no myself or me
No you, him, us, or we
But an inclusive all would be to blame
It took me a moment to figure
Out the safety on the trigger
Then “I,” (or “Us”), prepared to do the dirty deed
Then the barrel found my temple
And as it settled into the dimple
A still small voice did my “selves” choose to heed
Hence a moment of clarity
Harkened me to posterity
And I thought what a legacy to leave behind
“Can’t we all find a way
To save this miserable day
And avoid a broken body for someone to find”
And then deep within my soul
I felt and heard a simple drum roll
And the differing sides of me just subsided
And with my mind now as one
I worked to get this all undone
The whole business of this stuff I derided
And tis now true of fact
That I survived this ordeal intact
And lived to raise my face unto the sky
And here now as it ends
I find I’ve made good friends
With the “Me”, the “Myself,” and the “I”
Thank you for taking the time to share in my poetry. Please feel free to leave your thoughts
or comments here on this page.
J. Scott Burns...

Once again as my pen fails the page
In a humble but sincere effort
To honor my loving sage
As I ponder and attempt to deduce
In a low, soft chuckle, “more than words”
My rhetorical excuse
By function; words exact, color and define
And with Webster’s sword levied I chase
Definition of you into the sublime
Concept, newly born of insight and ash
Presents no attempt at justice
So its fate is sealed to trash
And alas, as a thousand times tense
I seek to corral feelings
By pen within paper fence
For moment’s sake, suppose these words I cannot cage
I humbly offer in place of love song
The feelings that surround this page

Overlook a lifetime past
Remember how it did not last
Life changes quickly before your eyes.
This so called reality surrounded by lies.
A sad thought it may seem
I do not want to open my eyes to another dream.
Real reality set in.
Lets look forward and begin
I am in this game of life to win.
I will not give up and lose.
I will stand tall
even though I am battered and bruised.

Once again to my chagrin
This nightmare perseveres
And through the glass it comes to pass
To feed upon my fears
And it seems to slay my dreams
And in their stead leave blind
Mine own two eyes to that one prize
My soul doth seek to find
Still I pray that night gives way
And cures this circumstance
That captive holds my weary soul
Within it's darkened trance
And perhaps lay loose the straps
That bind me to this cross
And free from 'round my neck now bound
This curs'ed albatross

Oppressed by you, your state, your religion
So you think you good, kind and Superior
But I find you cruel, arrogant and callous
But that is just in my view, what do I know?
You control the language that describes pain
But there is no for me in its grid, or how I feel
My soul is ripped from my body and bound,
On to your machines on which I slave and toil.
You say it has to be this way, no room for doubt
Master and slave, it is only a matter of degrees
But it is my kind that is always tied to the rack
While you sip vintage wine in the lap of luxury.
Everything has its time and its place, yours is over
End is near, for you and everything you hold dear
Everything carries with it the root of its own destruction
And I will rejoice now that your has very nearly come.

Betrayal is a subject I know to well
A one-way ticket to a place called hell
Whatever the case when trust is lost
A piece of your soul will be the cost
Be it by a lover or a dear friend
Regardless it will lead to the end
Something as special as it can be
Tossed to the side for pure misery
Built on treachery and based on a lie
No doubt all of the blue has left the sky
As the sky turns dark and sheds its tears
Shame and guilt fill the guilty with fear
My friend turned me in; ratted me out
I was found guilty without any doubt
What happened soon as I hit the pen?
My girlfriend up let him move on in
Full of hate and driving on the yard
Hands of fate played a beautiful card
He got busted one very beautiful day
Right to my yard they sent him away
Scared to death and shaking like a leaf
He walked on the yard to my disbelief
I was due to parole the very next day
Yet off the SHU they shipped me away
One of those things you just can’t let go
Regardless of the price and cost to the soul
You know sometimes choices can be real hard
When you’re a junkie walking the prison yard
Written for the Betrayal contest

Our planet Earth
If one took the human form
And drained it thoroughly
Took all the minerals and Oils
Well what then would he, be?
He would be dead, I tell you this
And yet our planet Earth
With each new day that comes along
They drain her of her worth.
But don’t they know, these human fools
Without these things she needs
She suffers through a million ills
She’s just like you and me
And too soon she’s going to die
And why will this be so
Because we’ve slowly strangled her
And taken all her glow.
How shortsighted is mankind
Why can’t he see at all
That everything is really one
And he is but a fool
Slowly committing suicide
Oh what a shame this be
If he slowed down a tiny bit
Earths beauty he would see.
25 July 2013 @ 1034hrs.

Only light can penetrate the
darkness
that resides in the default state
of mind
I descend from beta to delta
through
binaural beats; instantly caught
between frequencies beyond
time
I absorb amplitudes of acoustic
energy
and I learn to just be earth
Since I am the earth
and because I am of
the one that is the source of its
existence,
I've owned the power of
omnificence
I realize now that I AM because
HE is since I am from that, a
descendant
Created in the image of a
thought
and a feeling from the
Universal Mind
I tune in to this vibration from
rhythmic
pulse that manipulates
subconscious minds
Immersed between 4 and 7
hertz;
brainwaves halt to a conscious
sleep
All chakras are aligned shining
crown energy
and now my consciousness
begins to reap!
and light begins to penetrate
the harmonious beams
that were already there
constant and always there
is now flooded with sound
patterns
that force brainwaves to submit
to power
of omnipresent sound that
always was
and always will be connected to
the Source from which I came
so I extend exponentially
beyond;
physical time and space
I long to embrace the intensity
of gamma rays
I give way to the coded sounds
that resonate from the inner
core
and continue to connect
through the binaural beats that
-
remind me of before
Always familiar but ignored
until found by gaining
knowledge of self
I listen with the intent to excel
while reaping an abundance of
benefits and rewards
Listen!!
It's already yours
Just reach out and grab it
as long as intention and ego is
checked
the universe will correspond
accordingly
it will deliver a life to you divine
and orderly
Just listen to the sounds that
were there from before
They will guide to to the
vibration from the core
and it will guide you to connect
directly with the source

A tribute to Ramana Maharshi, a man who has inspired me for forty years. a greaty Indian saint he was.....Peter
Who Am I?
Sometimes I ask the question “who Am I?”
Am I just this tiny speck put here by trust?
Just a puppet in the hands of destiny
To be blown within the wind just merely dust.
Then sometimes I’m aware of who I am
As I stand beside a lake or waterfall
As the music of the morning melts into me
And deep within that ancient whisper calls.
Well I ask myself this question
“Will I ever find the way?”
Ramana told me what to do
Said “Do it now, today!”
Oh such a little question one may ask
Does the answer come and blow the mind away?
Will the truth arise to set the bird to freedom?
If one asks this thing each minute of the day.

Blues in the Night.
A malignant moon
shines his metallic claws -
combs my hair and brushes me forward.
I am alone in the shadowy crooks
of a poisoned metropolis.
A clandestine garbage chute -
where waifs and strays burn
within the fetid bowels
of a cavernous concrete underbelly.
The orphanage awaits my arrival,
as muted outcries are crushed
beneath my footsteps.
A parentless prison
teeters atop Utopia's dreaded brim;
the hamlet where Orwell slew Hilton.
St. Peter has been released
and no longer tends the kitchen.
Agony and angel wings reneged
a redundant brotherhood of sorts.
His recipe for remorse shall be missed.
Blues in the Night.
In the distance,
feigned epileptic outbursts
placates a patron's fears.
Caffeine injections
stimulates another's venial sins
as it magnifies their cardinal options.
An insomnious woman converses
with a napkin holder. The surface
is dull and unreflective, like she.
Banter never-to-be heard
by her never-to-be gentleman caller.
I am home –
amongst the dead I adore.
A haggard waitress serves me a menu.
A laminated journal stained
with melancholy and mustard.
Desolation and demi-tasse
are tonight’s midnight special.
Ten cents additional, if you order deluxe.
Blues in the Night.
I twiddle my thumbs
for I have no other’s to borrow.
I catch my rugged reflection
in the asylum’s window.
I espy my counterpart again
in a twisted spoon -
realizing I’m three utensils short
from a grievous quartet salted
with Mack Sennett misfits.
A collection of dishes clatter
above the sanatorium’s jukebox.
I place my spoon on the counter
and pick up a lifeless knife.
I envy its potential and possibilities
as Woody Herman croons
in the background.

I feel life breaking a glass, any glass
Or screaming at anyone with or without cause
For now, my blood and tears have no rest,
Seething on a bomb of fury, anger is my guest
The rage rakes through my wounds too deep…
I never knew he has gone to expired sleep.
My soul hemorrhaged, my innocence vandalized
Holy water and missal looking mummified.
Midnight prayers dripping lines of candle wax
I blow like a dam but only silence comes back,
My damn, damn spirit cries for a resting place
While he has traveled off in a land without maze,
And as I continue to fear this anger will never go to bed
I drown in the reality of why…why is Dad suddenly dead?

Its midnight again, TV on
The sofa becomes my bed
As the confusion of our lives
Fills my weary head
At times I drift off
And think of days gone by
How I yearn for yesterday
So bad it makes me cry
Other times I feel just like a kid
With something new to share
And you put your soul around me
And tell me how much you care
At times I think its working
Like I’ve finally met the mark
And all too quickly it ends
And I’m alone, on the couch, in the dark
Why can’t it all be the way it was
That day on top of the hill
Am I really as bad a person
As you can make me feel
Inside I try so hard
Outside it seems I don’t
I want to meet your needs
But I don’t know what you want
I try to be your husband
Your lover and your friend
Somehow I never am
And I find myself here again
I try to be a father
But those efforts just backfire
Somehow I manage to destroy
Everything that I desire
I ask myself, “Is it worth it?”
Why don’t I start anew
And after hours of contemplation
Just one answer, “I love you”
And resolved to that end
I lay my heart to sleep
And I pray the lord
Our souls together he will keep
A silent kiss to you and the kids
In hopes of a better day
As I close my eyes to dream
And let my troubles drift away

My words may feel so cold,
Yet this feeling of falling and
Then trying to be so loving
Eventually misleads me to
Feeling like she or myself
Is gradually shoving my feelings
Through an invisible door.
It's all so not worth
Letting this sorrow corner me in,
My mind is wondering if I'm truly fine with
Having no one special in my own current life.
My reasons for trying to
Move onwards from there
Were nothing but idealized dreams
Turning into unpleasant realities.
Who knew that a few days
After those euphoric moments
I would be realizing that
The strings of my heart were pulled
By desires so unnecessary for healing
My own inner strife.
My words may have been so cold,
But it's only because this sorrow I go through
Will always continue beyond tomorrow.
You don't deserve being
My eternal object of depression,
Yet you are also even taking it
All too simply to be the object
Of my true love and affection.
My feelings from loving you
Were absolutely true,
But I now see I was so wrong
In believing in my own naïve thoughts.
So fleeting was the beautiful
Rendering of my soul,
Except that no one knew then
That it was only a game of pretend.
Wanting my first kiss returned,
Yet again I guess first can mean the worst,
So I guess I'll find someone
Who will become my second best.
After telling you I can't love you anymore,
I now feel as if I can finally rest.
My words were only so cold,
Because something in the depths of my heart
Was calling out to be heard.
In the end though I have released myself
From the bittersweet feelings I gained from
My voice and feelings that once were forsaken.
I'm sorry for being so cold.

Let the Deicide commence.
You're a voyeur at best!
Your vampiric heart is beating out of your chest!
And you have slayed the ones whom would love you for anything less
Ready to consume the final fragments of innocence,
And for you there is no forgiveness,
On your knees pleading, screaming to a tyrant in the skies;
The father of lies.
I will never be enslaved in your superiority
The people agree: jaded of your false dichotomies.
Know: I will be whomever nature intends to be
Apollo and I will share our dreams,
and you will be forced to see
your failure!
I know who you are...
Readily the first to present your scars
Chained by some despot or mental czar
An emotional homunculus in your mind, behind bars
Reluctant to escape - even when proven fake
Your demented mind - depths no one will penetrate!
...And you see me suffering
Not caring of any casualties
Just as long you recieve your safeguard of sympathy
So very wary of the masses and their Anarchy; Liberious ways
Solipsist - Is there no one you can see?
Even if she was presented burning?
Solipsist - Is there no one you can believe?
Even if Sophia was screaming?
Solipsist - Know you have killed and abused me
Imprisoned in your own personal reality

Another new day has begun
and I've been given one more day
to feel the pain I always feel
from knowing that I don't belong
and that I should have never been
Another chance to mourn my dreams
as I watch them laid to rest
and wait for death to come and trade
this earthly hell for one that's earned
with the sins that are my own
Yet one more day that I may cry
though countless tears I've cried before
again examining the faults
that I regretfully possess
within this useless bag of flesh
Another day for me to swim
in the pool of my self hate
though I've been hated all my life
no one could ever hate me more
than I already hate myself
I've gained more time so I can think
about that which is wrong with me
and everything thing I cannot change
for I have tried and always fail
to change what is just meant to be
Then again it's one more day
that brings me closer to the end
of my pain and worthlessness
when I'll no longer have to face
the darkness that consumes my mind
Inspired by Sami Al-Khaliti's The Cynical Heart contest

P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
!!

Drink the drink, and take the pills, lay on the medication.
But your soul's forever lost to them without persistent dedication.
There's things we've learned, and things we will, to decide us right from wrong.
But your ears are only open, now, to a techno-logic song.
Social norms have bound you tight, then cut you awf'ly deep.
And still your soul beneath the surface begs of you, relief.
You waded in their welcome waters, thought it nice and cool
But now I'm sure you've figured out you're lost in sorrows pool
So take it from who knows you best
Someone who has passed this test:

Before you drift out in the sea
And the shore's no longer in your view,
I promise that I'll bring you back
And if I can't, I'll follow you.
Before your legs and arms grow weak
And you've passed your final tier,
I promise that I'll hold your hand;
I promise you I'll still be here.
Before your lungs are filled with water
And our souls are parted once again,
I promise you that you're forgiven;
I promise you I'm still your friend.
Before you close your sunken eyes
Inviting night to kill the day
Know your bright was never slight
And soon you'll see your way.

Oh, how I miss the dead…
... the softness in their voices
That I cannot recreate,
the warmth of their silence
Where now only cold remains;
And I know, oh how I know
That they are long gone
And I have been long removed
From those fuller times
But still, when I feel around my heart
I find that it is missing things
Parts long lost and dearly missed,
And I sit here feeling fatally incomplete
And I know- that I can never be whole again.
But I still miss the dead,
And I miss the times
When I never knew
That I would live on
Missing the days when I was whole…
-So I still miss the dead
And the times when I was not hollowed by loss
Living every day with a lighter heart
So far from the times
when I would never be whole again.
And now, so far removed
from fuller times,
These few missing holes
they let in a chill wind
And somehow, these missing holes
they leave my heart heavy
And I know that it will grow heavier yet,
But I dread
That when I am lost
I die not just incomplete
But empty-
Empty of all I could yet lose.

I tell myself
You will not define me
By putting me at the bottom
Or in a slightly higher place
I see no honor in your mention
I am not a favorite child
Thankfully my words remain my own
Spilled from tipped glass
Soaking into white cloth
These stains have meanings
They exist outside of arbitrary rules
I cannot dance to a one person band
So I tell myself
It doesn't matter
Yet why
Why! does it make me sadder
Sometimes even madder and madder
I read through other's winning work
Is this some kind of joke?
I thought mine had substance
Perhaps it was nothing but smoke
Wait
I said you would not define me
Yet here I go again
Digging up the old bones that caused me pain
Forgetting the meaning of my own stain
Poured out
Yet no one will see
Why?
Why?
Is it not about me!
I want that elusive first place
To be the winner of the race
Able to be humble
Accept the praise with grace
Instead
I'm denied
I settle for a three
Not the way it was supposed to be
How come the Judge couldn't see?
It remains a mystery
But wait the next contest
I am number one
A metaphorical home run
Gleaming under the poetic sun
Finally
Thankfully
Defined
Until I read a lower number
Then I am left to wonder
Inside I feel their deeper hunger
Their glass spilt
Left a darker stain
Much more depth within their pain
So I start from the beginning again
You will not define me!
I will not Define Me
I will just be.
A lover of words
Formed into
Poetry

Pigeons flutter in the park
eating refuse from the grass.
Noon comes; the hours pass.
Leaves fall; the sky grows dark.
Silence reigns throughout the park.
A crumpled headline, a forgotten toy,
lifeless, do not hear a far-off bark.
In the park, not a single little boy.
Midnight comes; the hours go --
soon, the sky begins to glow...
morning breaks, and with it, sound.
In the park begins the morning round.
White skeletons of benches -- slats --
in all the wintry parks of Age
fill up in morning. Deserted flats,
each with the aspect of a cage,
become an unused, waiting gauge
that measures dull and wasted years --
floods of loneliness -- rivers of fears...
The weak and battered, pallid crowd
which, daily, parks ingest
speak in muted tones; but loud
is the message all suggest.
The clangor of the beaten Belles,
trampled in the slime of years,
entreats the mind to plug its ears;
yet, if it will, it hears...
memories, perhaps, keep active still
the shriveled and the loosened flaps
that are the mouths of all the Bills --
reduced to gray and ugly gaps...
Down the graveled pathways come
children bent on carefree play.
Belles, though silent, are not dumb,
nor will the Bills forego their say.
But warnings fall on ears too deaf;
around are eyes too blind to see.
And so the tots, too young for Death,
play on and on till time for tea.
Day after day after day
children come and children play.
Pigeons flutter in the park;
Leaves fall; the sky grows dark.
Once more, deep silence claims the park.
Midnight hours come and go.
The sky again assumes a glow.
Wind stirs dead leaves to rustle.
Starts again the aimless bustle
of the battered, weak, and infirm-eyed:
those whom living failed -- who died
but still must play their signal role
of unloved, friendless, unhailed Old;
who gather daily in the park
to envy tots their vital spark --
the hope, the promise in their eyes --
before it fades, before it dies.
But tots at play -- the young, the bold --
must laugh and sing -- cannot be told
that youth's not long and Time is cold.
Time devours -- a ravenous beast --
and men are the courses at his feast.
Some he swallows in their prime,
On some he waits too long a time:
these rancid morsels, Time's midnight snack,
explore their memories. They hie them back
to that old moment, deepest black,
when they first dared to know -- and first said --
that Time's the master all men dread.
(Please read The Park -- Part Two, which is a continuation of
this poem...due to space limitations)

You’ll never guess whom the cat drug in; have a day where you just couldn’t win?
He came strutting in, smacking his gum loud, dressed to the nines Goth Punk style.
Tats trailed down his left arm, with my notice, he said, saving up for the other arm.
When ask about drugs, his answer to me was: “Yes, I’ll share” most invitingly…
Metal adornments on ears, nose, and lips, didn’t want to know, the all of it, at this.
As I noticed, he smiled most cattily, asking: ‘Want to see where else they might be?’
Hair a Mohawk with a trail down his back, colors of the rainbow, left nothing to lack.
Steel studs on a black leather butt, said, ‘Bite Me!’ with each and every staged strut.
What are you kidding?… Do my eyes me deceive, or did he just make a pass, at ME?
No Way! I’d rather drop kick him from my office fast, didn't he have any real class?
The application, a Sales Manager Job. Who would try to send me over the deep end?
Bet it had been a practical joke, beginning to end, so I simply held on, my friend.
He must've read my face, forhe smirked, I continued to ask for his list of experience.
His experience was none, but he said he managed his I-tune collection, very well.
Of course, he was the Leader of his ‘Chat Room’. I wondered, ‘Who could tell?’ GEE!
Also an impressive set up on his Facebook page, for his innumerable video games.
I ask how he was qualified for ANY job? Said, Dad ‘THE CEO’ wanted him employed.
I verified this with a call, was told not to be too Harsh, he had Potential, after all...
Ask what job he wanted to give his son? ‘Let him chose himself’, came the real clue!
Ask him, what job he really wanted to do, ‘VP in charge of Recreation’ was imbued.
Said he'd check out all the great places, in his Dad’s fancy Porche. Honestly True!
I kid you not! And he wanted his girlfriend, made into his secretary, Yah! No Doubt!
Believe it or not, he got all he thought he was due. All approved by the CEO’s! True!
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better… I began to really reconsider…
Really, who had been clueless… It hadn’t been him!… Which left me in a dither…
Knowing I just couldn’t win! I’d be glad when this day was finally, truly, done…
The kid had probably thought this a great joke on me from beginning to the end!
My perfect job, had just come undone! Apparently, being in HR isn’t always fun!
My college degree, that took so much sacrifice, no longer sparkled, so much to me.
Boy did I now WISH, I was a CEO’s SON! As I simply got all the paper work done.
Later, I saw the family portrait on the CEO’s desk. Lucky me! One down!…
Only eight more to go!
Carol Eastman and Hubby

The fear of life.
For nine months in warm sweet world
I float there peacefully
Then cast into that birth canal
It kind of frightens me
I feel I’m suffocating
And I don’t know what it is
Too soon I enter crazy world
Far from the gardens bliss.
As light comes shining everywhere
The panic settles in
This world is filled with action
And so much awful din
I feel like I’m in trouble
Yet there’s naught that I can do
It seems this place is crazy
That I’ve been cast into.
Then as I grow from babyhood
And listen to the lies
That all these madmen tell me
Cause they’re not very wise
It seems that something’s wrong with me
My life it feels off key
So the only question on my mind
Is ‘What is wrong with me???’

I engineered an intricate design,
determined to be action,
not thoughtful stasis.
But, isolate and distant --
a preserver of decorum --
formal, unexposed, and safe --
with bounds determined
by tight, sane strictures,
I did not struggle,
could not escape nor abandon place --
became, instead, a creature
habit-ridden: a cousin
to the circus seal
that honks a horn
for fish.

I don't have the words
To say how I feel
And language won't do
To describe what is real
God give me a voice
So that I can explain
I need a song, with
A compelling refrain
Waiting.. For words that soar
Longing.. For so much more
Praying.. That God might see
Needing.. You to be with me
I need you
I need you
I need you
Need you!
12-19-14

Rose hips lady
Your field is ripe
Bury my torn body
In that rain-soaked night
Taste those sweet confessions
On your baby breath
Lift this wounded flag
Into your burning nest
Oh, yes, I will
I will
Rose hips lady
Your field is ripe
Bury my torn body
In that rain-soaked night
Tame the roaring tiger
Never lets you rest
Take my last reward
From your moonlit breasts
Oh, yes, I will
I will
Daddy’s gone hunting
He’s gone away
Daddy’s gone hunting
Won’t be back for days
Left you with a lover
Makes a shrine
Of your skin
Left you with a lover
Takes you down
Roads of sin
Left you all alone
Alone
And the knots cut deep
Through the musk and flesh
Of hot regret
And the love you need
It’s a shadow
Never lets you rest
You release the Beast
From a well that’s wet
You will confess
That the love you need
It’s a shadow
Never lets you rest
Rose hips lady
Aaaaaah......

You collapse to the ground
I hurry to catch you
Whispering words of destitution, tiredness, and fatigue
You tell me you’re tired
Weary to live like this
With this illness
How it shuts every door
Pains to the core
Slowly, spitefully, you start to lose yourself
I fear that in my every soul
Tears of ache run down my sight
I yell at you, beg you at you to stop
Demand you to discontinue
Thrive for that promise of yours
Tell me it’ll all be okay
Tell me you’ll get better
Awe me with your dreams
Inspire me with every act of good of yours
Every city you wish to route every street of its
Every sunset you wish to set eyes on
Every night sky, full of bright blazing miracles
But you don’t
You tell me you can’t
And I ask of you to do that
But although that
Although every worry that ties me
Every doubt, every tear, every darkest misery
You surrender and leave
Leave me there
All anxious and terrified
Of what comes next
What is due to occur
And it frightens me
Keeps staring at the empty space
With thoughts and thoughts
Conquering
Torturing
Consuming
We began with nothing
And what’s left is nothing
But all that we began with

Dancing with the trees.
Like the silence of the bush be I
So wonderful I feel
Within the depth of mystic river
Comes a space that is so still
I see it all, and all of me
In the dancing of the trees
The way they wave so gracefully
As they float upon the breeze.
I catch a glimpse of the vast 'I am'
In the power of the silence
All arrogance it dissipates
And so do shades of violence
As they flow away on the painted river
On it's way to the mighty ocean
The only thing that takes their place
Is love and sweet devotion.
A Parrot lands upon a branch
All orange, blue, and green
As I catch a glimpse of the morning sun
As it shines upon his sheen
And make the colours come to life
And I feel that power in me
the power of the all that is
With all it's energy.
25 September 2013 @ 1020hrs.

The Noose is tightening.
The 5’s and 10’s yanked from our hands and aching backs
Are spent on band-aids:
A last stand effort to plug the holes in our hearts
When the price of drowning is only getting higher
So we turn to tiny acts of thievery
Taxes prettied up, cashiers uncorrected,
Stealing at the edges because we’re backed into corners,
Corners
Glittering with promises corners
Dripping with possibility,
With Island resort wallpaper
Sold in bulk at Wal-Mart for
Profit: A trail of crumbs called America-
Which has curdled our souls and we love it!
And hate it and gossip about it and think obsessively about it and then
We find the most expensive friends our looks can afford,
Shopping for substance (50% off)
Staring through the eye of a screen
Light speed in pursuit of heaven on earth (Ignore the plastic)-
Until pop!
We die of ADHD.
Never having had the chance to smell the genetically modified roses.
Never having had the chance to see through this kingdom of ideas
As we served out our sentence to life in cubicle.
Jacob Reinhardt
10/24/2013

They are bound to the Earth like trees
Suffocating under the weight of an icy grave
Reaching to be free, but only their limbs are seen
Hoping that one day someone will see:
They can't escape with lacerated wings
The ocean surrounds me, covering everything
Nothing will be clearly seen; confusion overwhelming
No-one can save you, you're on your own, left to die
Manipulating every bleeding heart you can find
I can't escape with lacerated wings.
Swarms of nets, waves of screams
Entangle: your captive illusions and dreams
The mask has be seared - The truth now they see
The Liar - Vampiric Fiend; lowly thief
And now they know you can't escape with Lacerated Wings
There's reasons for your rejections:
Your Heavy heart's transferred oppression
The scars are too deep to pass the trials
But you can find peace in your cage of empty spirals
You Cannot Escape With Lacerated Wings

Let’s go climb
And move back time
To that mysterious hill
Where a boy first met his girl
Long before
The cynics arrived
Before the laughter died
And God returned the day to night
Where dazzling fireworks
Rained sparkles
On our lives
Two strange birds
Came together
And opened up their eyes
Let’s go climb
We’ll move back time
Fireworks Hill, Fireworks Hill
Far from my mind
Never forgotten
Fireworks Hill, Fireworks Hill
We became one there
So very often
And there are vivid colors
Blasting through the sky
Dancing rainbows
I really want to taste
There is weeping smoke
Painting all the stars
Burning graveyards
For the human race
Let’s go climb
And move back time
To that mysterious hill
Where a boy first met his girl
We’ll race to the edge
Fulfill our pledge
It was written in blood
The heat of our love
Oh, jump, baby, jump
We’ll fly away together
Jump, baby, jump
Our bodies joined forever
Let’s go climb
And move back time
To that mysterious hill
Where a boy first met his girl
Fireworks hill, fireworks hill
I see the sparkles in the air
Fireworks hill, fireworks hill
I smell the dazzle of your hair
Fireworks hill, Fireworks hill
We flew to Heaven over there
Let’s go climb
We’ll move back time
(Forever…with you)

She retraces the past to uncover the mystery of the many failed relationships.
The first date seems to generate some fireworks.
This entices her to tempt fate and go out again.
Sometimes there is more of a connection and other times she strikes out.
The third date things get more intimate as more secrets are uncovered.
The next thing she knows he is all over or he might wait one more date to get
aggressive.
Yet in that moment the situation has become too intense for her to handle.
She slaps his arm and flees from the vicinity.
Yet she always wonders what could have been.
She thinks back to why she struggles with a guy wanting physical contact with
her.
She admits to herself she suffers from a low self worth.
In middle school she remembers being called ugly while the guys shoved her
around.
While she has untapped this clairvoyant moment, the rush of it all still
traumatizes her.

The art of being happy
It’s all so sweet
Yet folk don’t understand
They needs, be doing all the time
They need life to be grand
They’re doing this, they’re doing that
Not happy, not at all
They don’t see, just being here
Is really wonderful.
Have you felt the wonder?
Of now, just being here
Breathing in, and breathing out
And holding life so dear
Oh, the joy of merely sitting?
Relaxing in the chair?
Everything is beautiful
Such joy is everywhere.
The mind is working all the time
It never stops to rest
It wanders off from here to there
And knows no happiness
Tomorrows, always it’s tomorrow
That happiness you’ll feel
Yet if you do not feel joy now
Don’t think you ever will.
2 May 2014 @ 0930hrs.

I Don't Care...
I don't care,
if you're battered black and blue,
I don't care,
just as long as I can drink and screw.
I don't care,
if you've lost your damn job,
I don't care,
you're just a kernel off the cob.
I don't care,
when I see you begging in the street,
I don't care,
I get to suckle on capitalism's raw teat.
I don't care,
about the elderly, the poor, or the weak,
I don't care,
if the earth will be inherited by the meek.
I don't care,
if the climate is warming, I'm so much cooler,
I don't care,
in my penthouse I'm the boss, the only ruler.
I don't care,
for those rolling for scraps in the muck,
I don't care,
I really don't care, cos' I don't give a f**k
inspired by Bob Geldof's "The Great Song of Indifference"

One much given
to introspective self absorption,
little inclined to action,
I record this plaintive piece.....
The years go by and, though I age,
I am still the lone, unwanted one.
Early it was I learned
to embrace pain, or to avoid it.....
never to invite, through any expectation,
added disappointment.....
always penning solitary lines,
mere mental meanderings.....
My drab world,
all dry sand and clouded sun,
sparsely populated,
was a nearly vacant, arid desert.
All my laurels for achievements
I, and others, immediately devalued.
Nothing I did could
be worthy of a lauding.....
no good could come from
an unwanted one,
one outside the pale.....
not from such a joyless one.
The years go by, and still,
I am I.....
the lone, unwanted one.

And the storm calls to me in ways you'll never understand
A gentle call that urges my soul forth
The lighting guiding a path for my feet to walk
Between the stones and ash of all that once was
I stand in the echoing silence of the rain
It drops down upon my skin like the blessing waters of heaven
Soothing me, lifting the weight from my body
I feel at once as if I am home
Standing amid two dimensions
Caught between two skies - here and there
The night wraping around me in warmth
The gentle wind lifting me off my feet
Drops from the clouded moon washing away my body
and I am left just a soul, an essence
The storm calls me forth from beneath my roof
Beckoning me into its depth
I stand among the reeds in the basin
They dance and sway as if welcoming me
And I sway with them back
Caught up in the power that charges the air
That threatens to sweep me away
If the ground will just loosen its hold
The thunder rumbles a low welcoming growl
And I get pleasently lost within it
I am so small compared to its vastness
I close my eyes and succumb to the skies wishes
Rising higher until my feet no longer touch the ground
My fingertips touch the liquid color of the stars
A sigh drifts from my lips
There is no need of thought to stay afloat
There is no demand to breathe in air
No crushing weight upon my chest
As my lungs struggle to survive
There are no struggles here
I make my bed on blackened clouds
And give in to the call
The storm has claimed me as its own
It was such a struggle to stay upon the ground
When the storm would call me home

What do you think?
Nothing. Again, nothing.
I am as colorless as clear water,
as reflective as a mirror, as empty as a room
everyone just left.
What do you feel?
Nothing. Once more, nothing.
I am as passive as a stone,
as fluid as a stream,
as shallow as a saucer...
Why do you lie?
I do not lie --
you see my exposed shell,
the walls inside which I
have become dessicated, shrunken,
hard, withdrawn --
an oyster, a clam, a snail --
a distracting polished whelk.

I wake filled with anxiety and despair
My body aches and is full of pain
My first thought is of what is not there
There is nothing I can do to stop the thoughts in my brain
I go to the medicine cabinet to take a pill for anxiety
But still my mind reels with thoughts of what I want
Why must I put this burden upon me
I’m trapped in a life where I must be nonchalant
As the day goes on it just gets worse
There’s a nagging feeling that I’m not me
My mind and body beginning to hurt
I hide inside myself so no one can see
Will I ever release myself from this hell
As of today there’s no way to tell

These are my confessions
Secrets of my mind
Everything that mattered
Truth I can not hide
Nothing but a shadow
Distant memory
What I was, What I am
What I’m supposed to be
Forgive me, God, forgive me
For being so unkind
Impatient…ungrateful
Cynical and blind
To those who thought they knew me
And those who never did
To those who hear my songs
In the places where they live
I offer my confessions
Honest to the core
Offer my confessions
There won’t be anymore
No more…

My younger days, I had naught.
At least, that was what I thought.
Fame and riches, the goals I sought.
Wanting only things that could be bought.
Day after day, for them I fought;
And in the game, I was caught
In the cold and ruthless life I’d wrought.
As life progressed, I began to see
That not all things had price or fee,
The most beautiful things are truly free,
Hope and joy, compassion and empathy,
Someone to love and to love me.
And in my quiet moments, I began to plea;
And so, my true happiness came to be.
Others could share in this lesson too.
You can believe my words are true;
But it seems a lesson valued by few.
Instead of a life and memories you rue,
Reappraise your life and what you do.
It’s never too late to renew
Your life and be…….. a happier you.

Who am I today?
Husband, Father, Son or Brother
A noble thought that gives itself away,
Or some distant, self-obsessed Other?
What shape I don tomorrow
Who can say
If I shall move across my stage
Enacting joy or sorrow?
What tides shall bear me
To what familiar or what stranger port
Whose ears shall hear, whose eyes shall see
Old things or new, of unfamiliar sort
Come crowding 'round my senses,
Who may know
What meanings they may bring,
Or how assault
My incomplete defenses?
For I, at base, like every man
Am a shambling, shapeless Legion
Who strives for sense as best he can
Within the compass of his crowded region
Bounded fore and aft by birth and death,
Seeking for some middle way
Amidst the crowd he is;
To speak some sense with his last breath.

I’m a child again
I’m a child again and it’s such fun
To kick a ball, and laugh, and run
And walk down to the local park
And being bad, oh, what a lark
I love to watch those colored birds
This always kind of gets me stirred
Their lovely hues, my eyes they daze
These lovely birds do me amaze.
But there is one thing that I do hate
At bath times, fuss I do create
And mum and dad, they get real mad
I suppose I do play up a tad.
And also I do hate that school
With all its daft, and silly rules
But when I write my little stories
That’s when I get my share of glory.
But really, If I had the choice
I’d really like to raise my voice
And tell them ‘I want out of this!!
Being a child gives me no bliss!’
27 August 2013 @ 1722hrs.
Peter Duggan. You're a kid again contest...Age ten

How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Call of hope
After the world turned dark
How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Healing words
Made from
Angel heart
Oh, her chocolate whisper
Warm convincing breeze
Oh, her breathy laughter
In the shadow of my need
Don’t you hear the voice?
Save you from despair
Don’t you hear the voice?
Sent by ghosts who care
Don’t you hear the voice?
Rises like a prayer
Come to rescue you
From your earthly snare
How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Call of hope
Kissed my tears away
How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Now I dance
To a magic serenade
Don’t you hear the voice?
Memories of home
Don’t you hear the voice?
Pretty as a poem
Don’t you hear the voice?
Vivifies your soul
Bathes you in a pool
Love you’ve never known
How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Call of hope
After the world turned dark
Voice inside the darkness
Gets into my head
Lady caller,
Take me, take me
To your bed
Voice inside the darkness
Gets into my head
Lady caller
Raise me, raise me
From the dead
Voice inside the darkness
Gets into my head

The ocean sparkles
in the morning light.
We sip hot coffee;
you cough, turn your head.
Eyes say more than words.
Ties connecting us
dissipate in sunshine.
Waves which wash ashore,
this white-flecked water,
underscore your silence.
Last night, in humid darkness,
velvet-feeling black, we joined --
made pacts that daylight violates.
I will not understand your shame.
You will not see my heart-hurt face,
nor will you long remember
my already half-forgotten name.

You’re a 3AM
Wake up call
With another sob story
About the latest boy
Who pumped you
Then dumped you
And left you
In a sweaty lonely pile
Upon another
Empty bed
And you cry
Baby girl tears
All over my phone
And you wonder why handsome
Boys
With shining white teeth
With full heads of curly black hair
With six-pack stomachs
And tight muscular
Rear ends
Can not be more like
Mature
Older
Men
“Just like you,”
Baby girl says
“Just like you.”
And you cry
Baby girl tears
All over my phone
And you wonder why reckless
Boys
Who party all night
Who down countless vodka shots
Who shout “muthafukka,” “dude,” "beotch,"
And other raucous
Victory chants
Can not be more like
Mature
Older
Men
“Just like you,”
Baby girl says
“Just like you.”
You want me to empathize
You want me to criticize
The nasty boys
Who took you for another
Cruel and pointless ride
You want me to father you
In a way he never did
But I’m sorry
Baby girl
I’m sorry
I can’t
Because I admire and envy those
Boys
In the prime of their life
Not yet defeated
Not yet haunted
Not yet beaten
By the disappointments that
Await
They are a national treasure
A precious resource
From the exuberant crude shouts of
Irrational wild boys
Come the builders of shelter
The providers of sustenance
The conquerors of enemies
The explorers of frontiers
From the exuberant crude shouts of
Irrational boys
Come the daring adventurers
The first one into the burning house
The last one out of the burning house
The one still standing when everybody else
Fled
From the insatiable loins of such
Irrational wild boys
Come the fierce wild girls
Who dance insanely upon tables
Who run naked through the streets
Who make love without limits
In open fields
Upon damp grass
All through the night
From the insatiable loins of such
Irrational wild boys
Come the fierce wild girls
Who cat-fight for their lover
Who kill for their children
Who wail passionately for their dead
From such boys
Baby girl
From such boys
You were born into the world
My crazy baby girl
You were born into the world
Like father, like daughter
And if I could be that young wild boy
Again
The one that you hate
And love
In such a maniacal way
It would be an honor to be with you
An honor to hold you
An honor to love you
Until my dying day.

He fled the faces of his brood --
They cut his soul with edges sharp
From lack of food.
And, although their mouths
Voiced no complaint,
The steady, unaccusing stare
Was so much more than he could bear --
This hero of two foreign wars.
He cowers now in alleyways
(And drinks his courage from a jar)
Beneath a far, unjudging star.

You were like a serpent
Wise, crafty
Whispering in my ear
The most extrodinary lies...
You were like the APPLE
Sweet and FORBIDDEN...
Once I BIT of your essence
My EYES were OPENED...
A myriad of colors
Assailed my senses
And pleasure
Like I've never known before
Left me quivering after you...
The simultaneous orgasm
Sounded like a fairy tale
Until...your cunning and craftiness
Showed me the way...
And now I know
The difference between GOOD s_x and BAD s_x...
I enjoyed your every touch
How you made my body feel alive!
But, now I have been
CAST AWAY from my GARDEN of pleasure
Cast away from YOUR LOVE and touch
Now, I must TOIL
In my own SWEAT and in the sun
Looking for a SERPENT
With the magic touch you held
Oh, to be BLIND once more!
Now, every man
Doesn't measure up
To your EVIL
Ecstasy of pleasure and SIZE
Now I am in the hot
Desert of the world
WEEPING and GNASHING
My teeth
trying to find
The GRAINS of GOOD s_x
Among the WEEDS
Of lousy lovers

There’s some honey, so you can take they said
There’s some sugar, you might enjoy they say
But then you might not enjoy it by the end.
Within the sweetness of the word,
There’s the sweetness of the soul
But the bittersweet taste in this mouth isn’t a foul
Cause this taste they said I might enjoy then, I certainly don’t do now.
There’s the sweetness that rests upon this body,
The sweetness streaming by the currents,
Swirling and twisting in miraculous ways,
Just cascading into another future
But then while forming now the present to the future.
This transformation brings great changes with it,
And now changing the way the dandelion dances with the wind
Creates a mess, a honed mess
But now the dandelion is dying.
Who would take care of the dandelion?
The now sweet dandelion,
That has discovered that ain't it all be sweetness,
Now the dandelion dances with the wind, evades that much sweetness and delights in the sun.
Anna~

Everything is you
There’s something I must tell you
Though you won’t like it much
Cause no one wants to hear the truth
It worries them a touch
Yet truth, it must be spoken
This be the only way
To live your life in harmony
And be here now, today
Each child will have a Teddy bear
To keep him company
Because he knows no better
His fears cause misery
When we grow up, it’s still the same
We have our Teddy bears
In beliefs, loves, and possessions
Our teddy bears are there.
But this is not the answer
It does no good at all
We all must learn to stand alone
It might seem kind of cruel
But we did enter world alone
And when we leave again
We also go all by ourselves
Nothing with us remains.
There’s only one real certainty
And that’s the fact of you
Just look within and you will see
That this, it be so true
For in the end you’ll find this out
That you are everything
And oh such peace, and harmony
This truth to you will bring
22 March 2014 @ 1440hrs.

(in memoriam, Eugene Lawler, d. January 29, 2012, aged 83 years)
--- Note: "The singing machine" is a not so tongue-in-cheek reference to Gene and his penchant for singing whenever and wherever he wished, as well as to his karaoke
equipment and his nickname at bars that featured karaoke nights. ---
You fancied yourself a singer,
and indeed you were.
What songs we heard from you
you had made your own,
and you gave them freely
to all who would listen
(though we were just a few
who were, at times, inattentive.)
Time and remembrance may color
the images you left behind,
and the sentimental songs
you sang (and scribed on silver disks
for us to hear when, and if, we will)
may prod us to recall
your willful, dour demeanor
which could bloom into benevolence
or darken further in stormy sneers
at tardiness, or at perceived
maltreatment of any sort.
You were your own arbiter of behavior
who kept before you expectations
of what was appropriate, for yourself
and for us, the others of your kind.
We were few (still fewer now),
who flocked together on occasion
to celebrate, in quiet fashion,
whatever anniversary we chose --
perhaps your passing date
will become another to be marked.
And your voice, reproduced mechanically,
amplified, may remind us of our loss,
and of yours.

And when I learned that you died
How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty
You were my boxer in the night
Sparred with you
About every aspect of
Life
My secret tonic
Made everything
Feel alright
Got me through it all
All the frustrations
Disappointments of
Life
And when I learned that you died
How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty
We called each other friend
Even when
Our bodies came together
That single
Lunatic
Moment
That single
Lunatic
Time
And it felt so
Full
You made me feel
Full
How can I describe
The full
Full
Full
My life was full
When you laughed
It felt so full even
When you
Cried
The times I was mean
And my body left
Your body
After
That single
Lunatic
Time
And so we pretended
We were just
Friends
In the end
We pretended
Then
And now you’re
Gone
And I can barely speak
Or write
I can barely write
A
Single
Meaningful
Poetic
Word
And there’s a quiet room
In my mind
Where your laughter
Once
Played
My innocent child
Woman
Gone
Away
How can I describe
The Empty
Empty
Empty
How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty
How can I describe
The
Way
I
Feel?

7.
On The Road Back
Serious illness instructs its victims
In the miracle of the normal life.
Spend time starting over on things you never think of,
And a new appreciation dawns
For the marvel of Being-in-the-World.
Crisis finally ended, they move me down
So I may eat like a human again and gain the strength
To walk geriatrically about the ward
Creepingly, yet exulting in my newfound freedom
From the Sargasso Sea of lines that bound me for so long.
Soon they would send me home
To where Gulliver's god asserts his primacy.
There is in every life that question never asked aloud,
Yet waits for its whisper in misfortune's ear:
Why go on?
Why the trouble of going on
When we know all things, after all,
Make an end of themselves?
What purpose served when Summer's light gives way again
To Winter's dark, itself to give way once more
Before the furious blooms of Spring,
This cycling of changes running blindly 'round
'Til all together, when at last we're called away from being
Will soon enough leave not even faint memory
That ever we, or they, had been?
Why go on,
When all are orphaned in the end,
When in due time Time itself will cease to march
When even God may wonder
To what end He set it all in motion for,
Leaving only an original Mystery
To occupy Forever?
Yet still all things contrive to persevere, especially ourselves,
Despite our cursed knowledge of Finality,
Knowing that none shall escape eclipsion,
But sensing that the weight
Of whatever we have made of our lives
Will add its dram of meaning
When the sum of it all is balanced together
In the great equation of existence.
We go on for the honor of going on,
Because there is no road back
And the bridges burn themselves behind us as we go.
The going is its own meaning
Because all moments matter to those they happen to,
Are defined by those they happen to -
And in the happening
Each soul makes its bright flash in the infinite dark,
Illumines itself in silent declaration
That it once was, and dared to be,
Despite the vanishing that follows.
When all is said and over,
It's perhaps best we measure ourselves
Against the blazing stars and wheeling galaxies
To find that we come out the larger
Than they in all their magnificence,
In our tiny, burning brilliance.

I Know of Someone Holding Unforgiveness!
I know of someone holding unforgiveness!
This has led to a life of much bitterness!
Toward his brother, he’s held on to a grudge.
From his viewpoint, he won’t even “budge.”
No matter what God’s word has clearly spoken…
He’s walked with a heart
that’s been broken!
His son prayed that God would speak to him!
That he would forgive, so God could heal him!
Forgiveness is a powerful thing to do!
If you want God’s mercy to
flow through you!
We’re not called to “hold back,”
the love God’s given!
Through Christ shed blood…
We’re all forgiven!
May the love of Christ come and touch us!
It’s no secret how much God
really loves us!
Please come Lord Jesus! And touch our soul!
May we express your love, wherever we go!
May God’s gentle love, be what always binds us!
HIS words; “love one another,”
do remind us!
By Jim Pemberton

You cried at losing, as some do;
Not I. Determined to accrue
That credit to my name
I courted and called fame,
I steeled myself and stood,
Rigid -- upright -- and would
Not deign reveal what graced
My form: two faces,
both mask-encased.

Goodbye Johnny Walker
Joanna Davis
I swear I’m in a nightmare
I know it’s some bad dream
this craving for the deadly juice
is nothing new it seems
Our life is one long quarrel,
a battle no one can win
Am I paying a kind of penance,
for some past life of sin?
I won’t put up with this forever
the smell or wavering gait,
If I stay with you much longer,
I’ll surely be tempting my fate
A soul that’s soaked with liquor,
with breath to ignite a match
But your handsome looks so deceiving
I naively believed you a catch!
You’ll promise it’s the last time,
say you’re done… that it’s the end!
But in me you see a nagging wife,
while in the bottle - a comforting friend
Tell me exactly how, I can win,
or compete with something so pure?
What kind of psychological jargon,
would even up the score?
This demon is so elusive,
someone, somewhere, please advise me
What spirits will finally convince you
to seek your desired sobriety!

All the windows down.
Shades drawn.
Door locked.
Against the imitation mahogany, a little manila card:
"Check out time: 3 o'clock."
Click!
All dark now.
Hmmmmm.
The Wizard Deluxe 16" Oscillating Fan
makes a lot of noise.
Click.
It's too cool anyway.
Whew! Those ugly flowers on the rug!
I can almost smell them.
And the bedsprings creak.
What am I doing here...
the Big Guy...
the Smart Alec with All the Ideas...
the Joe Who Was Going Places...
the Most Likely to Succeed...
Huh! If they could only see me now.
Well, here goes nothing.
I guess I'd better, now...
if ever, now!

I was born pale and invisible
In a world
Sees everything
Everything, everything….but me
Invisible to your touch
And doubt you’ll like me very much
Am I alive?
Was I ever me?
I’m a non-existent cipher
A pointless empty zero
Never added up to anything
A non-existent cipher
Pointless empty zero
Tell me….what does it all mean?
And now I think I want you
Ethereal body
Oblivious mask
And now I think I love you
Intelligent lips
Painted in black
But no need to look my way
Or give me the time of day
Can’t be with you
In this world
Invisible man
Never gets the girl
Oh, no...
I’ll find where you are
And watch from afar
You will be felt by me
I’ll find where you are
And watch from afar
You will be loved by me
Your
Zero
Tonight
Your
Zero
For life
Your zero
The day I die
Your zero….your zero
Zero

I am the face of misery
My life, a dissonance of autumn and spring,
The years are written in the same
Lugubrious, nostalgic grey
How can it be the author to blame?
I cannot scream this all away…
Burn nor Bleed this all away…
To Death I am Ordained
Lacuna ever growing
With Velvet sheets of life flowing
Aeons apart of my "royalty"
Under the mask the cannot see...
Can you dispel this tragedy:
Antigone - Epiphany failing
If it must be…
Then just kill me,
(Antigone) sing me out of reality;
I wear this dissonant crown of shame
(Antigone) Of a kingdom's disdain
I hate to be this way... normalcy's bane
(Antigone) Here comes the edict, to blame
The sordid child of Thebes,
This is me,
Antigone
No words of hope
No words of hate
Do I have Lenore to send to me:
The sordid child of Thebes
Caught In the longest nightmare
life - the slowest way to die
I know this is my life
But I'm not under control
under the mask the will see
Just Another Human
If it must be…
Then just kill me,
(Antigone) sing me out of reality;
I wear this dissonant crown of shame
(Antigone) Of a kingdom's disdain
I hate to be this way... normalcy's bane
(Antigone) Here comes the edict, to blame
The sordid child of Thebes,
This is me,
Antigone
If it must be…
Then just kill me,
(Antigone) sing me out of reality;
I wear this dissonant crown of shame
(Antigone) Of a kingdom's disdain
I hate to be this way... normalcy's bane
(Antigone) Here comes the edict, to blame
The sordid child of Thebes,
This is me,
Antigone
Can you dispel my life; this tragedy?
Can you control the storm in my mind?
I'm asking you: can you rid me
Of The Curse of Antigone?

Ideas
are at
times hard to
capture into
one good piece that will
be appreciated.
It is a constant struggle
to please yourself, yet please someone
who would buy what you write. It's like your
soul and spirit takes a negative hit.
by:Brandee Augustus

I shall layeth down my cloak of redemption
it shall cleaneth you of all manner of compensation
for just as my temperament doth squabble feebly with the present foibles of my most difficult current hostilities
time sweet majestic unwavering time
doth reconcile in me
an assurance of tranquility shall invade my troubled waters and calm the turbulent seas to but a ripple
as if transposed to a lake
where the sun doth shine from the heavens
and prosperity will live in my house
once more

I have thought about it
I have thought about it
For so very long
I’ve made so many verses
I’ve made so many songs
I’ve walked a million miles
Been half way cross the world
I fought a war in Vietnam
With mind made all a whirl
Been a nurse, a builders labourer
And a lot there in between
And life has brought me bags of strife
Yet so much joy I’ve seen.
I used to know the answers
That’s what I then did think
I’ve sat at many a bar, have I
With my only friend, the drink
And I’ve envisioned Suicide
I’ve thought a lot on death
I’ve thought with sadness in my mind
My marriage nearly left
I’ve tried for transformation
Still riding me that trail
And one thing that I have found out
We all must live for now.
I found out just a while ago
That the past be dead and gone
And the future!! well who knows?
That be an unknown song.
The only thing you have is now
This stands out to me
So if you’re living past or future
You lose life’s mystery
While you’re living yesterday
Or tomorrow, don’t you know?
You miss the dance so beautiful
Your life will never flow.
12 October 2014

Confused
If there were thing's I couldn't understand,you was one of them.
Going back and forth with one another,like the wind and does in the howls
of winter.You'd follow me to escape your own reality,only not knowing your shattering mine.You tell me to be me there was a time when I was me and you couldn't stand it like it was looking into the eye's of a demon.How should I respond? Running away only brings more then I can offer.
Now I'm drifting and everything left me,I'll suffer the venom of past and the reoccurring pains.
From the tell's of literature to the mounts of the great wars have I been able to tell just from their looks what they thought that very moment but as I look into your eye's does it not only confuse me it refuses to tell me the truth,why am I looking into my own eyes?
Let me touch your face.Let me look into your eye's.Let me see the truth which is clouded and locked away.Let me see your feelings fall from your eye's.
Burned. Chain. Shackled. Scared. Tortured. Entangled with lies.and yet harbors no hate toward anyone then yourself.How much do you loathe yourself? To the point your a sacrificial offering of your own whim's?
As I search for the truth,I see the many heartbreaks and the lies been told to help but nothing prevails. Yet you look at me looking for the same thing.
We're both confused? We're both in agony? We're the same?
This isn't right.This is a lie.I don't wish to see anymore.
I won't lose to this,nor bow down and be your toy.Yet when I'm close to you,it never cold.
Hold my hand as I fight with myself. Never mind hold me closer until neither of us is cold.Don't lie to me with those pleading eye's,that are like dark's as coal and beautiful as an onyx.
Let's be ourselves.Let's shut ourselves away from this world.Let's search for our own truth.But if there only fear in your mouth,then there's lies.I shall grab your heart and I will hold it like it was the last gem on earth.So scream,hate,and be gently.
I'm confused.Your confused.I will listen,if you will talk.
Have you ever heard these words before? I never have but I will say them to you,you who has the same pleading eye's as me.When we're so much alike yet so different to the point it confusing.

(Another childhood poem.)
Filaments tightly woven,
a chrysalis cradles me,
deflects the dangers;
it is an armored womb,
bright and hard.
Loosely woven,
a web imprisons me;
struggles snare me firmly
in these threads.
What weaves this armor
and this trap?
It is I --
I am the spider,
and the potential
butterfly.

Bound by blame, broken by blight,
Scarred by a stolen satire,
nuzzling necrophiliacs within the night.
Tangled in torment, tied untamed,
blemished by the blasphemy,
of never speaking your name.
Shackled in sin, shredded sovereignty,
dealing death’s doses,
murdering you and me.
Cuffed with candor, calling our crimes,
to an impetuous enslavement,
tortured through time.
Set me free, to flee this fool’s game,
where we're always left wandering,
in this wasteland of shame.

A certain kind of forever passed by today –
It was coiled up and corked in a bottle,
And as I watched it ride the ripples
Of the clouds in dank sky,
I sat in wonder –
I thought about the gripping restlessness –
That forever would eradicate,
The funnel of emptiness
Engorging my heart,
That forever would calm –
I contemplated, deliberated and toyed –
With the notion of that forever,
Out of grasp, out of reach
Enlarging my need,
Oh that timeless forever –
I watched as that forever passed by –
Caressed by the glass of antiquity,
And as it rode out of sight
Into sky’s vastness,
My wonder throbbed –

[The Puppeteer]
The storm I see you in
Caught in the race of Caïn
Held by the arms you cannot see--the conducter of Ennui
-No stronger than the void you hold within-
It began with a hope, an obsession
Casted into, slavery of repugnant possessions
Granted by, the Avaricious Lords, the ones we serve for
-They Told Us to pray, hope, away from despair, the despair caused by their immaculate Hands
Malice, envy, greed, was granted to me, The Feudal Dream, we want to be Them, just like him
-just how he solaces us, ambivalent hope, engendering knives to my throat
[The Fall]
In this Valley of morning and weeping
Love lies bleeding, in desperate fear
With their talons, the hunt to rip out thy heart
As each velvet petal falls apart
Her body chained in their bile and lies, covered with their red-spy
-sent just to check if our souls are in line, do not defy
Her blood velvet and pure, drips away with innocence of the amber guardian
The soil of plagues, beggars, and graves
Is know her home, the coven of solace
Though the seed has died--resurrection Is near passing through death's fear
One stronger than you--and thy funeral skies
She is alive--anew
But the vapors still remain
The Apocalypse is here, do we fear?
Just for the death of our sins
Elysia never Seemed so far away
[Our Damnation]
Solitary ruins, Fulfill their visions
We strayed far from the depths within
We all lingered to his solace--lies
-you make the sign everyday, but lack toknow the name
We are just the toys, he pulls all of the strings
We are nothing in this burning world
of Decadence, and Failed Semblance
[Draconian]
Draconian--Reach for the shadows within
Draconian--Break from the Fallen's son
Draconian--Their empirical lies, only die
Draconian--Reach the shadows within

"I shall be telling this with a sigh"
Robert Frost
My thoughts they roil like waters dark
in the abyss of blackest night
with memories of mother’s book marks
of Longfellow read by lamp light.
She called in the room around me
the patter of other small feet,
her gentle voice fetched angels
Oh, rhymes how they astounded me
like lullabies soft and so sweet.
All fearsome shadows, she’d dispel
Maxine, my queen read Tennyson
and the Charge of the Light Brigade
a little girl dreamt of caissons
roll and thunderous cannonades.
To be so brave the small child mused
mother’s small, precious, heroine
what would it take to stand so strong
without father, and not confused
What words where the linchpin
to right mother’s tell tale wrong.
Such sad inspiration*.. mother
but a champion you were born.
You’re adored before all others
yet, tears bring memories forlorn.
So, dreams stream on of Mother Goose
three kittens and their mittens.
My visions of your fleeting smile
return almost every night,
and your spirit comforts, lightens
sights, if only for a little while.

We have hurled to heaven
a polished, golden disk
inscribed with symbols of our race.
And, night and day, we beam
a stream of radio waves to space.
We broadcast, in wide spectrum,
diffuse and scattered signals
from here to where(?).
We also listen, long and hard,
for whatever we may hear.
In our attempts to span the void,
what should we say to humanoid
or other minds that we might find?
Should we speak of rock; of crow of cock?
Of the once-fiery cores of stars -- collapsed
and denser now than densest stone?
Of light that's darker far than any
depth of night; of pulse; of tone?
Shall we speak of hair, and air? Of hints?
Of lava, seeped or spewed from vents?
Of sea-borne or of plains-born zephyrs?
Of hanging plant or swaying palm?
Shall we touch upon the calm
of thin, free ions strewn
through much of soupy space?
Shall we chat of heat and ice;
of energy unleashed? Of spark and flash;
of mean and nice -- of atom, or of Eve?
Shall we speak of cosmos and of bowers?
Of farm? Of flowers? Of yours and ours?
Of nothing? Of zero and of hero?
Of evil and of good?
Shall we talk of hate and haste;
of love; of taste -- below; above;
around? Of iron and of wood?
Or should we stick to lectures on
celestial navigation and our tools?
Can we talk? May we sing?
Will our phones ever ring
providing good connections,
bringing news that, pretensions
all aside, we're not the universe's
only singular and lonely fools.

Dizzied by the whirl of crowds
On sidewalks, seen through windows --
Reflected in mirrored, columned walls --
I drink, I eat, I mull and fret, I yearn,
Little lulled by homely music
Softly playing beneath sonorous
Strains of Spanish
(Beautiful tongue, not yet quite my own,
But now not strange to me --
Not wholly foreign.)
I sneak sidelong glances, I peek, I stare.
And I almost always feign indifference:
A pseudo-cosmopolitan air.
I am quiet and excessively polite,
Not yet knowing how to be rude
In this still stiff idiom.
And, I am ever intensely lonely --
Hungry for a caressing, offhand phrase,
Or only a stray familiar word, hardly heard,
Whispering all there is to say of home.

She sits in the room across from me
Mocking my sanity
As I try to will her to go away
But we live in a room that has no door
She sits there smug and awfully sure
That she’s in my life now to stay
She grows bigger as I get small
I don’t recognize myself at all
Her desires dictate my every move
I see her through my family’s tears
She has separated us for years
Making rough times from a life that was smooth
I cannot leave her tight embrace
Her influence distorts my once clean face
Everyone else but myself is to blame
I give into her constant plea
To get again inside of me
I loathe this gal with Addiction as her name

The wait_only link a telephone line
Minutes trickle through the minute glass
Everyone gets a call and that is fine
Our daughter answered phone as her own task
Minutes trickle through the minute glass
Finally the phone call from Doctor Burke
Our daughter answered phone as her own task
His job was done; he did excellent work
Finally the phone call from Doctor Burke
Surgery finished, it went well_ hip in
His job was done; he did excellent work
Wait again while in recovery_wear thin
Surgery finished, it went well_ hip in
He's in recovery will be there short while
Wait again while in recovery_wear thin
My anxiety went past quarter mile
He's in recovery will be there short while
Everyone gets a call and that is fine
My anxiety went past quarter mile
The wait_only link a telephone line

Should I disregard
what other people think or,
balanced on the brink, maintain
a thin-veneered façade?
Where shall I store,
how shall I keep,
the poetry I must write
but cannot show--
that which smolders deep
and threatens to erupt?
Must I lock it all
securely in a box,
store it high upon a shelf
where none are wont to go?
Would it be likely to corrupt
the innocently unaware?
Should I, at least,
pretend to care?
Might not I plunge into the mob,
joining others of this ilk...
should it be my job
to preach, now the day
has finally been reached --
to walk alone in open air,
free from fear of full disclosure?
Would my revelations stir
those who taunt, who hate?
Might not their spate of hurtful words,
and worse, prompt my avoidance of
the fate they threaten,
encourage my reluctance to unmask?
And may I be moved, instead,
in surly tones, to ask
who made them my judge and jury?

I thumbed my way across the states,
flew over oceans. I lost myself
in city crowds, tried the boundaries
of my brain's inventiveness --
yet I did not outrun Time.
I did the things some young men do,
avoided others. Years shrunk the heights:
my expectations changed.
I fell and climbed.
The journey still excites;
the roads still wind.
And, still, there is much to see.
That has become enough for me;
but I'll never outrun Time.

Once, when no star shined
on slick, black, asphalt roads,
the murky wetness
of November's watered nights
a freedom-feeling and
strangeness-sense inspired.
The moisture lubricated
sluggish mental cogs that
all the dirty, dry, autumnal season
had rusted tight and atrophied.
Wildness no man can tell
I knew then.
All November's labored length
my nightly notions filled:
my bacchic spirit soared and flew,
traveled far, saw much in waking dream,
along a single street, wet
and splotched with light from cars
which coughed their fumes
as they passed my momentary immortality.
And now...
time has come when I no longer
feel delight to revel in the wildness
that I knew:
senses, now subordinate to sense,
defuse the spell
and November nights are merely
murky.

I miss you so...
Wordless... I miss you
without you I'm uninspired
a mute, my voice is truly yours
Speechless, numb, and empty
whats sometimes hard to show
that which I cannot say
I hope you feel it, I pray you know
this bares no question
My friend without strings... I do miss you so
so confused about what to do
I'm unable to handle what's true
sometimes our reality is conflicted
I sit back and marvel in thoughts of you
**For Matt Caliri's "Write a Poem Backwards" Contest

It's hard when I see so much pain,
Filled with life's many hardships,
All these troubled souls praying,
For miracles through their worships,
Even at home they are lost,
And muddle through their days,
'Release us from our lots',
They cry out from their maze,
Yet I find it even harder still,
When I must stand here and watch,
With neither the way or the will,
To give what little I've got,
So Lord I pray you fill my cup,
Give me the success and station,
Where hope can spring from love,
To answer all this frustration,
Let me afford more than simple words,
Grant me the means to answer prayer,
Lay before me a path true and sure,
To receive great fruit I can share,
My life has taught me so very much,
As my prayers so often are granted,
I know what it means to be touched,
By the charity of the enchanted,
It brings a life of such great hope,
To you and all of those you love,
It helps you to widen your scope,
And great faith when times get tough,
So today Lord I finally pray,
For something I never have before,
I pray for riches so very great,
That I would never need to ask for more,
Vast wealth beyond Solomon or Jabez,
Great wisdom and eternal good health,
The power to shape the will of others,
And all the prayers I leave on the shelf,
And I pray that I remain steadfast,
In service to you through my fellow man,
And you answer this prayer however crass,
Before this poem is written by this hand.

Wining and dining,
Dancing and prancing
Hoping I'll score,
My money I'm chancing...
Desperate for love,
A body warm
All my sensualities
Begin to swarm
Peck on the cheek,
My $100 prize
I stood there still,
With glazed eyes
Inside she rushed,
With ne're a word,
I stood still on the stoop,
Like a highschool nerd
Was it my hair?
My breath?
My looks?
Does she see
My hands as hooks?
Home I went,
Head hung low,
Well, at least,
Now I know...
No vanity
Do I see...
Worthy of...
Overcoming me.

Oh, God, tell me why
You made my bones
From dust
My soul
From
Hebrew
Clay
Tell me why
You made my mind
From storms
Dark remnants
Of the day
Reveal all your secrets
Why you placed me
In this
Pain
Show me a
Hidden
Higher
Path
The one
From which
I strayed
Refill the pool of
Laughter
Whose waters
Have been
Drained
God
You
Made
Me
So
Sad
And...
Naked I kneel
Before you
Sing your
Yahweh
Name
Naked in your
Temple
Bathed in
Holy
Shade
Tell me why
I was born
A priest
Fallen
And
Betrayed
Fallen
From your
Garden
Lost
In every
Way.

when you're fast asleep
and thoughts creep into your head
and flood your brain until it weeps
and your mind descends dark and deep
into a land of dead end worlds
where the only way out
is the way you came in
but the road is way too steep
and your feet are made of lead
and every smile is just pretend
and nothing is to be believed
and you're going off the deep end
bleeding rivers of hatred
into a pool of shallow deceit
where every thought is colored red
and every shade of black completes
every nightmare ever conceived
born of blood-stained dreams within dreams
where that person you used to be
is falling into skies of silent screams
and contemplating death
all the while wishing
to be alive again

She worry’s so much
She worries in case he’ll leave her
In her crazy kind of mind
Old memories they haunt her
And now they’ve made her blind
She does not see reality
She’s living in a dream
She’s built herself a nightmare
It’s just the way it seems.
She doesn’t see him laughing
And singing all the time
And how he is so loveable
And writes her lovely rhymes
How he cares so much when she is down
She never see those things
She sees the horror in her mind
That her thoughts so often bring.
When will she ever see him?
The way he really is
He’s wrote five thousand poems for her
All filled with loves sweet bliss
But is it not too late for her
When she lives back in the past
The damage done by foolish acts
It be so very vast
23 July 2013 @ 1250hrs

Another Old Piece of Writing. I was 18 when I wrote this one
Too many thoughts, I see
Frustration inspired writer’s block,
Eyes red and pulse racing
A word is heard, my mind locks,
Pencil tapping and imagination free
I am evil, I feed on hate,
My original nature is calling me
To fight it now is much too late,
My name is fear, eyes are dark
Anger flows through me like a flood,
My hand begins to write it away
As I glide through seas of bad blood,
I push out innocence and embrace loathing
My nightmares copy my breathing,
Verse after verse is brilliantly written
My creativity thrives, my soul is bleeding,
For a moment my nature is free
Briefly my darkness causes fear,
the trembling hand finishes the verse
Reminding me of goals I am near,
As anger becomes restrained again
The finished piece deserves fame,
For to be the best, I release the real me
Thus, anger and creativity are exactly the same

I read a poem about fear and emptiness this morning, and it made me write this poem. I hope it is of some help to someone, I speak about neurotic fears, not real ones.....Peter
Fear, and emptiness
Have you looked into your emptiness?
Have you looked into your fear?
Have felt those crazy demons
As you feel them coming near?
Do you feel the wind of panic?
As they just keep pouring in
And the mind goes round in circles
Creating such a din.
Do you turn away and run?
Turn your back on them?
As the paranoid takes over
And you feel its awful pain
Well they are nothing really
Merely thoughts, and this be all
They have no real existence
They’re like shadows on the wall.
Next time these fears come calling
And they crash into your mind
Look at them right in the eye
Don’t fight them, just be kind
Then turn all your attention
To your body, or your breath
This will make your mind go calm
Your fear it will have left
And if the fear comes back again
Each time just do the same
Eventually it will stay away
You will have won the game
Then peace will come to stay with you
And such sweet harmony
Will make your life a heaven
All loose and fancy free.
21 April 2014 @ 1503hrs.

I wait in all the crummy
little barrooms of the soul.
I look about and sniff the air,
drink, and wait.
In the demi-world of honky-tonks,
which vie against night's
inner gloom, beneath mantles
of thick smoke, pinches,
slurred speech and propositions,
I leer drunkenly about,
swimming in the haze
of my heebie-jeebies.
I wait.
After the smoke clears away
and the honky-tonk tones die,
when the scraggy light of the
morning after spreads, mustily,
across the floor,
I wait.
After the hangover,
after the aching head, glazed eyes,
belches, and specks
which move around my head in circles,
I see a different sort of light:
A flatter sort.
In the sordidness,
ergo filthy waxy sawdust on the floor,
I have seen a conjuration
which I sought.
But soon it disappears
and will not come again.
Illusion slips from mind
with lifting drunkenness
and break of sensibility
(five syllables of collective myth) –
and pain creeps in which
is not merely physical.
Oh well.
I must try again tomorrow night.
There will always be another night.

...en l'an soixante-dix de mon age...
All the familiar names from our youth
now belong to aged, unfamiliar faces.
Even my own reflection startles
as I pass the mirror
hanging in the hall.
Suddenly, we are old.
And, although taken by surprise,
we must accommodate reality --
perhaps convince ourselves
how lucky we survivors are --
how much better that we wear
these flaccid faces, these worn-out bodies,
these aids and apparatuses,
than to have ended
while in almost-mint condition.
But these are mere macabre,
septuagenarian musings.
So, let's forget all this!
Turn up the music
and hear us murmur,
in weakly mordant, fatalistic,
untriumphant chorus:
"We're still here!"

Death of a Dream
by Amy Swanson
Time
existence
goes by
*long drawn out sigh*
gray transforming
overbearing
the happy
once joyful
exuberant bright cheerful eclectic
becoming shadows
misty vapor
rising to the sky
fleeting...
gone.
Days gone by
weeks
and
months
and
years
motions of life
crowd out
emotions of life
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.
Spark of light
soft golden
struggles against
darkened mire
hope's ashes
faith's grief
love's despondence
Marigold hue
charred
sphere of night envelopes
Streaks and smudges
of pride
vanity
selfishness
cruelty
deface life's canvas
once glowing brilliant
-- now torn and tainted.
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.
Silence...
utter chaos...
sheer madness
consuming life -
they don't know.
They don't care.
They go about
*busily*
trading dreams
spiritual riches
for material fantasies
built with air.
Colorless
consumes the bright
one small spark
daring dream
chasing burgeoning shadows
until exhausted
extinguished...
no more.
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.

I wiped away the tears of a crying
Child
Yesterday
And felt as though I were wiping
My own
But couldn’t dry them
Couldn’t dry
Them
As hard as
I tried
A neighbor knocked on my
Door
Today
Asked me if I would move
My car
And felt as though I were spinning
My wheels
Because I couldn’t drive it
Couldn’t
Drive
As hard as
I tried
Please
Let me step
Forward
But know I can’t go
Any farther
Please
Let me step
Backward
But know I might trip
Fall over
Please
Let me step
Sideways
But know I
Hurt
With
Every
Inch
Please
Let me step
Let me step
Any way
I can

Germany, 1964
In barracks bare of beauty,
I lay restlessly in bed. Around, a rife
of lifeless characters
from some Saturday charade
sullenly invite me to their ghastly parade.
I merely pull my blanket higher up
and blatantly yell out "Shaddup!"
A spot of flesh, unknown to sun, itches
so I scratch. Musty curtains run
in dusty ripples on their pulleys.
The room overflows with bullies
but I turn over in my bunk
and choose to spurn,
scratching a spot that doesn't itch.
I glance up; the light bulb top is dirty.
So I reach up, unscrew the bulb,
lay silent in my patch of dark,
and try, vainly, to extinguish
a more persistent spark.
The air around me, reeking of smoke and beer,
is heavy with the weight of discontent.
I lie still, darkly fomenting
an impotent dislike
for atmospheres like this one.
I writhe upon my squeaky cot and dun,
and growl, like some ancient,
burly, and barbaric Hun.
A small important part of me I treasured dies.
Vehemently, I vocalize my intense tension
using interjections "nice people" never mention.

The flash of fear I feel
at passing darkened windows
or dim-lit mirrors
comes when I observe, reflected,
a stranger in my clothes
(or skin) and think:
is this the me
that other people see?
This ghostly image
that I know cannot be me?
Though its actions correspond
to those I take
in shaving, bathing,
wielding cans of aerosol,
surely I would recognize
this jaded, aging,
desensitized distraction
that the world
mistakes
for me.

This pain you live in
Is unmistakably so real
This torture you’re prone too
It kills me too
With every breathe you choke in
My heart pulses “No”
With every weakened bone
I shout, toss, and spin
But although that
You speak to me
With words, weary words, and gentle care
You speak of feelings you have
Kept Hidden for me
And I stop the screaming, the tossing, the breaking, the beating
I freeze
My sense of denial, of fear, pushes me back
But the other senses
The sense of conscience, of affection, of claim
Claiming to own a good heart
Claiming to know what to say
Claiming to know what to do
Assuming knowing where this goes
But those feelings, those vulnerable sensations
End up killing the people they own
Too great is not to be greater
But to be destroyed when becoming greatest
Regardless of the destruction those feelings are submitted into
They thrive to appear, to break surface
Will they turn into something beautiful?
Something alive and wistful
Or will they self-destruct because of other feelings?
Will they vanish into ample emptiness?
A squander of fire to be extinguished
These senses consume me, slay me silently
And time, seconds tick swiftly
Until I am bound to eternal silence
And unutterable misery
In a cage of impassive breathing
They drug me into.

A day in the country
I went to the country
To see my Bro's Land
I saw he had worked hard
His land looked so grand
For a second this envy
It tapped on my soul
But then I looked deeper
Saw things as a whole!
I looked at his features
All the lines on his face
Not character lines
Those lines that add grace
Just sad saggy lines
From worry and stress
There was naught in his manner
That read happiness.
I’m a loser to his type
I have no ambition
I live for today
He lives for his mission
But I have a smile
And a generous heart
While he, how I see him
Is a grumpy old fart.
10 August 2013 @ 1700hrs

She thought that he’s charming
Her friends says he is so cute
But little did they know
It’s the furthest from the truth
Her mom buys her a new dress
Because he ask her to the prom
But during the fun and laughter
He spikes her punch with rum
She wakes up in his BMW
He,s smiling with a cigarette
A morning she will remember
A night to forget
She can’t stop crying
She lies on her bed
Feeling hurt and disgusted
Suicide thoughts comes to her head
Her mom notice the changes
But she don’t know what is wrong
She use to sing in the church choir
The preacher says she stops coming around
She hugs her mother last night
Then walks out the door alone
And its now early morning
She didn’t come back home
She jumps over the bridge
They pull her body soaking wet
She couldn’t live with the memory
Of the night she can’t forget
It’s sad that her young life was ruin
By the evil that lays hidden behind a smile
Her mother life is shattered
Never knowing what happen to her child
This is happening to innocent girls
All over the world
Taking away their dignity and pride
Sucking the life out of their very soul
Another girl sits under a tree
Reading a book of poem by kaz ishmael
He said “excuse me just got to say
That you have a beautiful smile
She brushes her long hair
Think her jeans didn’t fit to right
His BMW is waiting out side
They are going to movies tonight

Each day he felt the distance growing,
separating him from where and whom
they thought he should want to be.
Though he was adrift in the currents
of prevailing winds, he felt the pull
of strong undertows -- and he didn't know
to which he should acquiesce
or against which he should struggle.
He neither acquiesced nor struggled.
"Didn't he think he should shave,
shower regularly, get a hair cut, lose weight,
shine his shoes, change clothes, and show up early?
Shouldn't he set an example?"
He wanted to imagine a "but" to refute
apparent logic, could do no better
than to scribble description
which drifted across the pad,
influenced by other undertows.
He tried to last, having once believed
in the universal flux, but could no longer.
Finally, he avoided mirrors and others' eyes,
kept to the rooms' darker corners, and
no longer engaged in conversation --
not even with himself.

In this hope
Where nobody survives
In this place
Where babies wither
And die
All I ever wanted to know
All I ever wondered
About
Disappeared upon your kiss
That last illusion
In
The Wontry Winter of
Why
Fever spreads
Takes another
Victim
And the castle
Can't protect you
Can’t
Stop the slide
The race never
Ends
A futile search for
Infinity
In places that
Eat you
Alive
Pass the salt
Place it inside
The wound
Try to
Smile
While your blood burns
Blisters
Within its
Tortured
Tomb
Now
Ask the question
Where did it go?
Ask the question
A million times
And
You
Will
Never
Know
In this poem
Where thoughts melt
Before they
Concretize
In this life
Where true meaning
Is rarely
Realized
All I ever wanted to know
All I ever wondered
About
Disappeared upon your kiss
That last illusion
In
The Wontry Winter of
Why

We walk the rocky shore
and you lean heavily on me,
Mother, bruising my balky arm --
muttering "Ay, Hijo!";
a few steps and, breathless,
we are both exhausted.
Your once-brown eyes, gone gray,
are like concentric rings
rippling from a random stone
thrown into a polluted pond
in winter: eyes as flat
as the latex paint that
coats a cheerless rented room.
Cataracts circle your lenses;
they have a ruptured look --
purple, jellied -- like the eyes
of a dead fish, which I poke,
perversely fascinated.
It is puffed and rotten.
Your eyes are puffed, too, red-rimmed,
moist with tears that brim over
though you try to blink them back.
That you love me and I you,
and that we wish to extend
our time together, is clear --
as clear as the black water
in the pond, as clear as your
cataract-clouded eyes,
as clear as my conscience
when I drop you at the Home,
cleverly inventing an important
meeting, to which I hastily fly.

I hear your pleas...
Amen Brothers and Sisters!
I mean we don't want anything more
than a society which we can respect...
lotteries... crooked politicians...
debt to foreign nations
who consider us an enemy...
it's just getting to be a bit much.
Sure we have had to do much
to become a more perfect nation...
but we used to try...
now its open season
on everyone in the name of fairness
while they twist and turn
the blade of corruption
in our gut.
...Now its just wistful poetry...

The various shades of yellow and orange of a napalm blast,
the dark grey plumes of smoke from burning jungle underbrush,
the shiny silver jets blasting away at the enemy,
the army green helicopters bringing in reinforcements,
the bright red blood of wounded comrades,
the brown wooden stock of the M-14 rifle,
the glistening gold bugle sounding taps for fallen buddies,
the colours of war seared in my mind forevermore.

Be Here Now.
Now I’ve known fear my whole damned life
And I’ve seen worry, and I’ve seen strife.
‘Been afraid of living and afraid of dying
‘Been reading lots and I’ve been lying.
Acting like I know the story
The fall to Hell, and the rise to glory.
But now I know that I know naught
And I know that Truth, it can’t be taught.
But sometimes I do come upon
Some wise man, who may sing his song
In such a way, I see the truth.
I see it clear, don’t need no proof.
With eyes like oceans, mystic orbs!
He’ll look in me and I’m absorbed.
And his words come out, so all in tune
Just fingers pointing at the moon.
These guys they speak of a mystic state.
When I hear them, I don’t hesitate
To believe each word that comes through them
As each they say the same again.
“Be here now! my friends” they say
“It’s the only time there is”
And the truth of this be in those eyes
And their faces filled with bliss…
Written in 1996

Listen to the school bell
Ring
Distant plaintive
Wail
Beyond anything the mind can
Comprehend
And return to a deserted field
Where spirited girls and boys
Once played
Before
Becoming mature
Women and men
When I hear the laughter
Childish screams
And ghostly
Cheers
I can feel a world at
Peace
Overcoming my
Fears
Of a future without
Love
And the solitude I
Chose
Of a future without
Birth
And the terminus
Imposed
Didn’t I hear a sprightly piano
Plinking through a
Window
Near that faded
School yard?
Reminds me of you
Bright girly radiance
Dressed in
Black
Leotard
Dancing all the time
We were carefree
Back then
Before the days of
Wrinkled
Women
Defeated
Silver
Men
Can I return to that time
With my old soccer ball?
Play with young spirits
Long passed away
Can I redo the errors
Stamped upon my life?
Recapture
Lost hopes
Yesterday
That’s a sharp
School bell
Ring
Distant plaintive wail
Beyond anything the mind can
Comprehend
But there’s no return
To a deserted field
Where spirited girls and boys
Once played
Before
Becoming mature
Women and men
There’s no return to
The beginning
No return
When you’ve
Reached
The
End

JSLambert ~ This is the fabulous "Prankster Haiku"
Haiku from the Heart Contest
~This is not your average Haiku. But I am not yir' average Joseph, for my "Prankster Haiku" form is highly Ex-plosiPH! Ya' DiGG?

Oh
I remember history well --
the ancient guidelines --
the lessons repeated,
the dramas reenacted:
the dates, of course,
were of no import;
catching the drift of things,
that was the art.
Languages change, seasons wane.
People experience all the old pain.
What happens now?
What happened before?
Lessons of history
are writ on the walls --
they peek out from thousands
of toilet stalls
where Kilroy once sat.

Force of mortal and faceless reason
A dark light finds no fate to reason.
Of cancerous nights, an uprooted slumber
Manic red luster of livid white reason.
No justice refined for the everyman's token
The cavalry's engine, the hum of blind reason.
For heavenly voices a desperate chorus
Numb as in prayer to beseech yet a reason.
One summer's bright flower reborn in a shadow
Calls off the late reaper, a wind of sage reason.

Riding so long, I feel nauseous
They won’t stop the Ferris wheel
My throat is dry and cracked from screaming
Stop!, Please Stop!
Up, up - ground shifting at dizzying heights
Down, down - crashing, stomach flopping
White knuckles from holding the grimy bar
Smell of metal and cooking meat all around
Creaking and moaning of hot gears and
Weight under tension
Unnerving canting and swaying of
A rickety car with black grease oozing from
Over-worked pivot points and hinges
Just another day at the carnival….
And being Bipolar.

I tried to write about love but I haven’t felt it.
I tried to write about the sea but I’ve never seen it.
Then I tried to write about the air, but I have never breathed it.
I tried to write about magic but I never believed it.
I couldn’t write about god, all I have ever done is sinned.
And when I tried to write about life I found,
I have never really lived.

Pretty girl, a perfect home
I will never be alone
but life's a bore
The American dream
it's not all it seems
not chasing anymore
I'm so restless inside
afraid I can't hide
a wondering heart
You touched my hand
and feelings began
love's spark
I can't be taken when I'm taken
so I must say no
Upon further contemplation what if I'm really mistaken
oh I need to know
I'm shaken and awakened, my defenses overtaken
I can't say no
You are a summer tease
know just how to please
dancing slow
Here in my embrace
inhibition erased
emotions grow
I can't be taken when I'm taken
so I must say no
Upon further contemplation what if I'm really mistaken
oh I need to know
I'm shaken and awakened, my defenses overtaken
I can't say no!
Oh, whoa..
like a baby in the water, like a lamb to the slaughter
know it's death but here I go...
I can't be taken when I'm taken
so I must say no
Upon further contemplation what if I'm really mistaken
oh I need to know
I'm shaken and awakened, my defenses overtaken
I can't say no..
I can't say no..
oh, baby, I need you to say no..
Say No!
20 May 2014
For Shadow's Scary Moments Contest

You were always honest
unfortunately it didn't extend to yourself
Regal persona was never exceeded by your accomplishments
If only you were as important as you thought others thought you were
Some bring joy when they enter a room
no one would ever accuse you of that
Leaving was always the best gift you could offer
Being you could not have been easy
No friends to speak of
accept one
maybe not even him
I think he froze in your shadow
He has begun to thaw in your absence
Strangely I miss you
Not entirely sure why
Do I in some weird way owe you for my success?
Without you I would not have been born
You are gone
Certainly not forgotten
The scars are my reminder
A multitude of memories mark my soul
Not your typical father son fare
Norman Rockwell wouldn't paint our picture
I wish I could remember happier times
some wishes don't come true
Eventually our nightmare came to an end
You gave us the gift of leaving
Am I evil for being Thankful?
You died alone
Should I have flown to be by your side?
Perhaps
Somehow it seems fitting you parted in this way
If I had come I may not have been able to hide my relief
Now we both have rest
Scars Left Behind Contest
By: Richard Lamoureux

Turn On Your Light.
Turn on your light
Turn on your light
Light the velvet softness of your night
You might have felt that breath of sweetest power
In that silver moon
That paints the twilight hours
Have you ever felt that mystic pull
That takes you from the smallest flower
To melt into the all.
I sometimes stand there staring at the sea
As each wave reaches out to destiny
To fade and then to come back
So another wave might form
To be destroyed
Then to be reborn….
Turn on your light
Pass no judgment, who’s to say what’s right?
No need for this when light is shining bright
Have you felt such magic
Have you felt that pull
It’s something that must happen to each fool
He must learn how to melt into
The silence of the all.
The secrets they be wrote within your soul
Seek them out and let them make you whole
Each flower it must bloom then die
So know your precious I
Must be destroyed
To be reborn…

Both the ignorant and wise
Have the nerve to criticize
But I've heard the crocodile cries
And the smiley-faced lies
Of those New York cynics
I’ve been bloodied and bruised
Wrongly blamed and bemused
Now negativity’s infused
All my patience has been used
By those New York cynics
Now I step on those stones
That once broke my bones
But I’ve become one of those drones
Just another of the clones
Yeah, I’m a New York cynic

Birds chirp by jarfuls
in twilight dawn.
The sun could stand correction
in the hesitation of fulfillment.
The planets & stars roll off
the table of sky, plop
in the puddle of lakes serene
as maniacs in straight jackets.
The wind mumbles
it isn’t so. The unbend poplars
don’t care,
and children
aren’t children anymore.

So, I see a princess, all alone
Her beauty clear, her wisdom known
I ask her why she sits, on a floor of stone
Instead of on, an elaborate throne
She gives me a look, of utter confusion
Then asks me why, I live in this delusion
Must it be, that in her seclusion
She cannot be happy, why this conclusion?
I take a minute to wonder
And another to ponder
Why away from riches my mind will wander
And my heart grows fonder
I ask if I may sit with her, but she politely declines
I am startled at this, as my fascination subsides
She gives me a smile, and beautifully chimes
I am happy alone, listening to life’s little rhymes
Again I am struck to a daze
Amidst confusion and haze
My eyes weaken and begin to glaze
I feel I have wasted many days
How can you be happy alone, I ask
To live life, without sharing your task
To sit here, no metaphorical mask
While right over there, in your birth you can bask
She gives me no answer, just one more riddle
Are you on top, or on the bottom, or stuck in the middle
To your neighbor do you mean much, or less than a little
Does a man play music, or is he a slave to the fiddle?
Though the answer is still haunting
I can hear it from a friends dull taunting
I have chased all that the rich were flaunting
And now I live a life that is lonely and daunting

Don’t wanna fall
Don’t wanna feel this way anymore
And don’t wanna see any disaster ´cause it eats my insides.
Everything is climbing by the walls, I built a while ago
And I am not safe, not anymore
Everything is crumbling and nothing is like it should be
I need a sparkle of hope in my way
A little candle held in the numb night of my heart
So I can get to see hope between this entire storm.
So from the storm's eye where everything is calm,
I can get to find a little hope,
within this devastation and misery,
I don't know if I should stay or should I go.
If I stay in this storm awaiting for a calm that might never come,
awaiting for the rain in the middle of the fire,
where I keep on fighting and there don't seem an end this winds.
the walls have crumbled away, now how can I cover myself?
If I go, well, what else is there other than this endless fight?
what am I gonna find at the end of that tunnel?
should I finish with this fight now?
without the knowledge of where does everything goes.
Should I fall within the petals of the pavot,
or should I keep on fighting for what I believe,
although I'm tiered,
although I don't know what I want anymore.
~Anna

The Black butterfly waves away her adorations
All she seeks is seclusion, subsuming slave to mortification
The Dear Air is all she can breath, captive of imaginary dreams
The Beacon resonates, but the hope isolates
The Wasteland's silky fingers caressing the virgin's face
So she is now, the covet of the damned
Programmed to every victim's pain
Carrying the weight of every sorrow
Drowning in wrongs she does not know
But paradise is at loss; she must go
Nature sighs after the bite
All my hopes fading
Don't look at me with those sorrowful eyes
How do you know exactly what I'm feeling?
I'm just the ghost flower passing by
And you can hear nature's sigh

If I should die right now
If I should die right now
I wouldn’t even stir
As death would take me by the hand
And make the mind a blur
All that is and ever was
Is in this moment ‘now’
Oh, what have I to grieve about
The force will live somehow.
When lost within this now
There’s nothing can be wrong
No matter what the circumstance
I’m me, And I belong
To everything and anything
There’s naught to fade away
Though I know not how to speak of this
I know not what to say.
If I should die right now
The mind would fill with fear
But somewhere there’s a truth in me
That makes it all so clear
Immortal is the core of me
I know it always will be
The one that cannot ever fade
I am this one
I am me.

Tomorrow is Ours.
Suffocating beneath the weight of historical fear,
asphyxiated by the legacy of traumatised yesteryear,
the festering wounds of enslavement still remain,
juggling euphemisms in a crisp sound-bitten refrain,
spewing out neo-liberal economic charades,
doling out charity in strips of plastic band-aids,
but,
tomorrow shall be ours,
casting away subservient mind-sets that shackle,
no longer the weakened prey of the insatiable jackal,
tomorrow shall be ours,
we shall reclaim our plundered mindspaces,
we shall shed our chains, leaving behind the traces,
of past injustice, of the hurt and pain of our ancestors' sorrows,
we are here, now, alive with hope,
we shall rightfully claim our own tomorrows.

Live as others see,
just what it is we do
Uncomplicated so to speak,
Superficial surface, simple rules
unfolding actions
Genuflecting before the holy altar
Or living the life provided
But there is the backgrounder
The arbiter, arbitrator of who we are
Giving opinions, comments
On every lasting moment
Final liable depending on circumstances
That we don’t necessarily agree to see
Directs us to those actions
might puzzle even on lookers
The final ruler, the master slave
Who lives deep down, lives so far down
No one knows from country which
Only guess at his (hers) presence
Involved in more, much more
Then you would ever guess
Smoke reveals flame, spring needs rain
The presence shapes the flowing current
And talks tales to the tiller,
A stronger voice when seas’ in turmoil
Surprisingly directed seemingly
unthoughtful actions
To those who stand and stare
Surprising mostly to ourselves
Unfamiliar with the master slave
Who lives so far below.

As sin and perversion often
become integrated…
So many lives and families
are being “disintegrated.”
Many are being driven by sin’s temptation force…
It’s no wonder much of this country
is way “off course.”
The morality and values that once made a great nation.
Are evaporating…. Leading to a
“spiritual separation.”
Love, honor, and respect of God…
Is often a “thing of the past.”
Anything of God seems to be
disappearing FAST!
God is our only hope! And him alone!
Only he can bring healing to our broken homes!
He’s the answer to this wounded nation, that bleeds!
It’s only God that can meet all of our needs!
He’s our provider… The great: “I am!”
Won’t you reach out to him?
And give him your hand?
Why not give him a chance? And allow him in?
A brand new life for you…
Is waiting to begin!
May we allow God’s holiness and love to reach
down into our hearts…
Asking; “Lord please forgive our sins!”
Is a good place to start!
By Jim Pemberton

Leave me with my dreams.
Leave me with my dreams
Cause I’m a dreaming fellow
Leave me here a pondering
With mind all calm and mellow
Picturing a better world
Where evil is no more
Let me dream of the harmony
Of a world all free of war.
It might never happen
Sometimes it seems to me
That a tadpole has more chance
Of swimming in the deep blue sea
But let me dream about it
It makes my heart feel warm
Let me dream of a world at peace
And this it be the norm.
Leave me with my dreaming
Of peace and harmony
Where God will rest within each heart
And a perfect world will be
Where everywhere becomes a space
Of sweetest liberty.
Leave me with my dreams
Maybe they’ll seep into you
Then peace and harmony might reign
In everything you do
I guess that someone has to dream
For something to be born
So if more folk did get to dreaming
There might be a brand new dawn.

A hankerin’
an unscratched itch
which one doesn’t wish to scratch for one
a need for heat and warmth
a turnstile dreamer ushers night to morn.
A what the hell
why not devil may care
for who else does?
The siren calls Ulysses to her gate.
Flower scents surmount
the desert dryness of aging heroines.
Lotharios play grinding tic tac and toes
searching for the golden fleece.
And neither Heaven nor Hell
concerns themselves
with such mundane matters.

People were
Many things.
Strange or not
People were
Different and
Odd and fun.
People were
Monsters but…
That’s not all
People were
And still are
Strange and odd.
People are
People. For
life is life.
Yet not.
Not is lies.
Truth seeps from
Every mouth
Lies, lies, lies
Move, move, move
But somehow
Lies prevail.
Lies are life.
Lies are death.
Lies are homes.
Lies are pain.
Lies are truth.
Yet somehow.
Truth prevails.
Truth is life.
Truth is death.
Truth is home.
Truth is pain.
Truth is lie.
Truth is that.
Lies will die.
Lies will cease.
Nevermore.
Truth will live.
Truth will be.
Forever.

Grief took me by the hand
Lead where I didn't want to go
Straight into the valley of tears
That began to constantly flow
Now that grief had acquainted me
With sorrow in the vale of tears
It seemed at eternal spring of weeping
Was where I would constantly live
Then grief brought me up the mount
Where loved ones went before
When escorted in this place
The lessons to which exposed
Seems now working my way back
Changed forever from that meeting
Grief an aquaintance I had spurned
But now after the greeting
I will never be the same
Though given another hundred years
Grief taught me more in a few short fears
Than joy with all her pleasings

Offended
is ignorance
a lack of understanding
silence
is not for everyone
humans speak
and do things
different than you
or your faction
true
or untrue
or stretch truth
what's the worry?
stressing
over someone else's beliefs
takes you away
from your own routine
offended
is a waste of energy
needed for nothing
causing dangerous sparks
within one's mind
one's heart
one's soul
becomes contaminated
with preoccupations
vengeance breeds furious
often unexpected actions
of ill-will occur
or changes for the worse
creep
in the shadows of good
growing
taking over
"spiritual kudzoo"
none could tame
extinguish your dealings
with petty rage
of another imperfect being's mouth
cancer vanishes easier
with early detection
MOVE ON!
or at least learn
from your polar opposite

He stares
into the distance of the days,
of those gone and of those yet to come --
he touches no one,
is touched by no one.
Yet noisy commerce
around him flows, constant movement;
but movement without a change of place,
no progress forward, no backward retreat --
an illusion of movement, only.
He sees youths --
with no sense of self --
and leathery crones,
unhygienic vagrants,
no place to go,
assailed by noises --
a repetitious assault
upon the ear and air.
Still he sits,
in frozen semi-trance,
staring always inward,
but also into distance,
sentient and inert.

The Escape.
Two field mice took a walk one day
Then feeling tired, they'd walked a ways
They thought they'd stop and rest a while
For home was further on some miles.
Then they heard the pad of old Toms paws
Which spooked them quite a bit I'm sure
As the cat purred loudly to see the mice
And thought "a meal it would be nice!"
Their whiskers quivered nervously
As, our two mice made haste to flee
So off they scampered for their lives
As old Tom cat for them did strive
That old cat looked he, high and low
And where they were he didn't know
As the two they trembled neath a bush
They could almost touch that mean old puss.
Then Tom gave up and skulked away
And the two mice lived another day
And their lungs filled up with gratitude
They'd foiled that old tom cat, so rude.
Peace, Socrares Dec 2 2003

Prayers upon prayers
In ceaseless array prayers
More than enough
If counting rain drops
How many prayers
To help those below
Overwhelmed with disaster
Man made, machine made
Natural disasters, too many
For earth to bear
Prayer upon prayer
Heaping platters of prayers
Beaches of scattered sand
Needing much much more
Seems to be evermore
Prayers upon prayer
Please preach evermore
Who hears the prayers
of those below

What is this creepy thing
Infecting my body?
Busily digesting my flesh, melting,
The first stages of the blob.
End of my extremities
Swell ominously, wriggling,
Undulating like giant worms
Busily digesting my tissue
I’m becoming what I fear most,
Mistaken for castings
Shoveled up and thrown
On the compost heap.

To be absolutely certain
To be firmly convicted in principle and belief
Is the scariest feeling of all
But, like all feelings, it never lasts
The conviction stays, but the mind wanders
Deep into the zones of ostensible comfort
Where it rests merely to frenzy
Into the streets of opposition
Straight into the absolute wrong
But the feeling never lasts
It returns to the minute certainty
The mind becomes determined in the conviction it has embraced
And the best feeling rises above the initial fear:
Gratefulness

Interesting to realize…
Resolution of the matter of suicide
Only requires a few pills,
Nonchalantly handed out by
Indiscriminate Doctors, treating me for depression
Completely oblivious of my intentions
But I did tell them…

there is a storm deep in me
skies turn dark within my mind
a raging tsunami begging to be free
clouds obscure the truth to find
tidal waves crashing forcibly
lightning strikes and i am blind
battering my body for all to see
thunder tramples my heart to grind
pain lashes out to ignore my plea
as winds howl and i am resigned
to my fate,
my life,
my time.

Relentless need to get away again…
Nerves plucked and fraying, lost in the din
Trapped and cornered: more within than without,
But nonetheless willing to run; to drown out
Constantly mocking voices of conscience and reason
No money, no time, no plan, no season
Never the appropriate time for feral desires;
Imagined bliss somewhere where nothing is required
False hope so real, with its tangible disregard…
Like raised plastic numbers on the new credit card
Endless destinations; disappear into haze
Some shred of silent comfort, if only for a few days
Wistful woeful wanton will
This relentless need shall not be fulfilled
Perhaps this notion futility finds
For relief lies only in leaving...
Myself behind

Love breeds hate, we are her children,
lost and scared, blasé and meek.
We curse the ones who left us lonely
and blame the ones who made us weak.
Love will shove you to the ground,
on all your fours to crawl through dust.
You'll lift your head towards the sunrise
to catch some light but only just.
Love breeds fear, now watch me shiver:
too scared to open up the door,
in case in comes another stranger
to add more damage to the sore.
Love will leave you lying breathless,
your body scattered on the bed.
A hopeless pilgrim gone off radar,
still longing for the words she said.
Love will show you the error
of your pathetic little ways.
With every hand the stake gets higher
and in the end - the loser pays.
Love will never give you pity,
too many fallen, fools galore.
A lesson learnt, I should know better
but here I am, begging for more...

Raw awareness of
Countless perceptions
Cloaked in bravado; steeped in deception
Attached by chance, or perhaps choice
To fickle company with humiliation’s voice
Constant requirement for assimilation
Or face the consequences of social annihilation
Monumental effort to discover within
Someone strong enough to survive inside this thin skin
Ugly and cruel before it happens to you
Watching the pack circle the unfortunate few,
Who, now looking back were stronger than most
And the alpha wolf leaders have all become ghosts
But what did we know then of altruism?
Walking around like open sores with clouded vision
Running the gauntlet of harsh adolescence
With fervor and passion not to be rivaled since
Heady memories only; both wicked and splendid
A secret locked time, into jaded minds blended
Carefully, in age we tread; to not be exposed
For the doorways back to our teenage wasteland
All have been closed

A nation at war with itself
A father sucking his daughter's breasts
A child cheering at her mother's pain
My heart is heavily laden
My soul bleeds profusely
disaster comes with every meal
Tragedy is my morning shower
Irrational has attained rational
To err has become acceptable
Abnormality is now being celebrated
the corpse is rot but we still court it
My phobia for ills have been suppressed
My mates scorn my many woes
My behind is the house of humor
My back is like a senile penis
Indeed,I was made to be great
How my success got waylaid?
is a mystery beyond my big head
My name,my friend,is Nigeria
How did i go wrong?

There's no comfort like that which I have with him
On this I've come to depend
He knows me better than all
Always been there; catches me before I fall
He places no one before me
In his eyes love is all I see
No matter the time of day
A simple call and he's on his way
I do the same for him
With him I always win
So why is it that we love
Yet we cannot be
This is the unanswered question
That continues to haunt me
Our connection is stronger than steel
Our bond is everlasting, Our love is real
Lay

Warm soft comfortable surrounded here
Splish, splash bouncing rock and roll good good life
Then fast change being forced into a tear
What happened, has into great life come strife
Baby died before it had chance to live
That is when I left her young tender head
Roll down her gentle cheek emotions sieve
Caught by angel in flight placed in bottle instead
Flown into the heavens to live with God
He gives me place to stay until some day
For some disbelievers they'll just give nod
Saying there are no tears in jars to stay
Every sad event in life when one cries
Shed tears down one's face come here to reside
Contest: "Personify A Tear"
Sponsor: HGarvey Esquire
Written by: Sara Kendrick

He thought to himself
If I could go back, I’d tell
No one, not even the police, that I’d
Driven by and shot him with ease,
Silence, would be my clutch, so
I wouldn’t be judged
Guilty, nor lambasted like that, by
Hypocrites in mass, for killing a
Toddler thug, with candy bar drugs

Why was I given these eyes that hide
Behind this clumsy heart-
Hands and knees forever searching
For an honest soul?
It feels as though we're wringing water
From a dusty rag.
It feels as though we're submerged in longing
Ever drowning in our thirst.
Why was I given these eyes that grope
For another’s warmth,
When love is fired through a gun,
Or taken from a calloused hand;
Sight has cursed my heart to see
The naked spent to dust.
Blindness,
Kiss me with your tasteless lips and I will see no more.
I will not see their tears through mine,
I will not see their laughter;
I will not see their careless words,
Looking dumbly after.
I will not see their hateful glares that only’ve seen hateful eyes.
I will not see their broken ears that never hear my broken cries;
They’ll all be black to me.
Jacob Reinhardt 09/11/2013

You move a lot some nights
As I lay next to you, I watched your face
Your eyelashes fluttered
I feared you would awake and catch me
You raised one arm and sighed
Then you smiled
Were you dreaming of me?
I hope so

I lay, dripping, soaked within a dark sweat,
seeing and hearing your soft voice abet.
I want to run, to leave this merciless realm,
but you pull me closer, without a choice at helm.
Get out of my dreams.
I miss you, but I hate you, every last memory.
You taunt my every being, you’re all that I see.
I see you in the crowds, or when I’m all alone.
You’re here and there, on your heartless throne.
Why couldn’t you stay?
Get out of my life.
I hear your laughter and see your beautiful smile.
Once so beautiful, now helping others with guile.
You’re now decayed, withering into shallow dust.
I loved you so much, and never again will I trust.
Get out of my head.
Tears I weep, when others aren’t around to see –
I remember the days, the months and years I bleed.
I try to forget, and to hate you and your choices.
But all I can hear are these damn forgiving voices.
Maybe I am what you proclaim me to be.
Was I really that monster, that demon you see?
I hate what I love and love what I hate.
I try to erase our past, and to claim it our fate.
But I can’t let go, you’re all that I hear and see.
I wished you could have loved, that loathsome “me”.
Get out of my heart.

Something sits slunk in the corner
Am I the only mourner?
This stranger rocks weeping
it has been sleeping
It has awoke to find
its nightmare was not in its mind
It realizes that this is real
sadness it begins to feel
I step closer to this unknown
For in this dungeon no light is shown
Darkness envelops this victim
My cigarette the only light on him
As I step closer "help me" he whimpers
"save me from these night tremors"
This is no dream my friend
Your sorrow will not end
"I am dying" he tells me
How can I save thee?
"Carry on my word
So little am I heard"
As I step closer to the helpless soul
Gasoline penetrates my nostrils whole
Who are you good sir
"I am Mankind's Conscious mister
I have lived in the shadows as mankind
cuts each others throats without mind
of the consequences of heartless acts
So will you help me in the face of these facts?"
I contemplate his pleading
A conscious this world is needing
But what is that to me
No benefit for me do I see
With the smell of gasoline still in my nose
I flick my cigarette at his body and ragged clothes
As I turn and leave I hear his moans
As I turn and leave I trip over Chivalry and Honesty's bones

Drenching cold in every fiber
Washing away the little girl
Who once believed she could fix anything
With hope...
Clinging to spiky reality
Like a tuft of white fur to a filthy branch
So painfully determined,
Yet unrelenting rain;
Torrents of raw emotions
And mudslides of despair
Saturate and smear her fragile innocence
Her hope will dwindle,
Slowly drowned
Until nothing more
Remains
Of that child
In the rain

1.Fill me up, I am always lacking.
Consumption, the name of the game.
The hunger devours the horse,
fattens me to the core.
I'm about to burst...
Always empty,
yet full of
loveless
fear.
2. My my what a big piece of the pie!
Pension raiders anonymous.
We live to carry secrets,
yearning to fill this need.
Profit devotees
live a life of
penniless
loveless
fear.
3. I mean honest to God, what's the point?
We're all gonna die...why bother?
I may as well just sit here
wallowing in despair,
a quiet, lonely,
unproductive
slacker. A
loveless
fear.
4. You want the goods? I'll give you the goods!
Come here baby and say hello.
How easy is it to come
to life, awe inspiring
mother to us all
prostituting
shame, guilt, and
loveless
fear.
5. Mirror mirror on the bathroom wall.
Am I pretty enough to be
a beauty queen? Parade me
around in fancy cars.
I must protect my
reputation
hinged on a
loveless
fear.
6. Grass is greener on the other side.
Why wouldn't it be? These neighbors
are so filthy rich with their
hundred thousand dollar
landscaping jobs and
mansions built on
envious
loveless
fear.
7. In the end there was always hatred,
deeply seated, mindless, blind rage.
Searching for a suitable
target. Lies built on lies.
Ready to explode:
unforgiving,
merciless,
loveless
fear.
By all means, you sinless wretch
Go ahead, live on cloud nine!
But I can't share in your euphoric state of ecstasy...
I just don't feel that way about myself
never have
never will
*dedicated to Kevin Spacey and his love of all things sinful.

A Better Life
I don't know why she hides,
I don't know why she shivers,
I don't know why she cries,
I don't know why she quivers,
Daddy's girl is all alone,
And I don't know how to help her,
Daddy's world is all but blown,
And I don't know what to tell her,
What happened to her confidence,
And her self assured way,
Which used to be so prominent,
In all she did or would say,
Who stole my little girl’s heart,
And drove her to such confusion,
She now slowly does her part,
As if all she has is illusion,
She knows I would kill any other man,
For doing such harm to my little girl,
But this is much more than I can stand,
As it has forever blown apart my world,
They took ‘steps’ to the next level,
And now they each look to me in despair,
I warned them each to be careful,
But the forbidden fruit they shared,
Now I look at one without trust,
Yet I still love my son so very much,
I still hold her distant as I must,
But she needs Daddy’s healing touch,
Why do I have to be the bad guy,
When my children need my help,
I pushed one out and I still cry,
While I can't help her help herself,
There is no way to win here,
And my tears won't stop falling,
I have lost them both I fear,
And my fears won't stop calling,
I don’t know what to do anymore,
Or how I can help either of them,
Both children my heart cries out for,
But the truth is neither can win,
And for this my darling kids,
I am so sorry I can’t decide,
Which to disown or which to kiss,
When I am actually on both your sides,
So I pray that both her and him,
Of whom I am so very proud,
Do not give up and become victims,
Who wear this pain like a shroud,
I pray both of you hear my advice,
Get over this hardship and understand,
This lesson with its terrible price,
Is one where you do as best you can,
To forgive and move on from here,
Without Dad having to choose a side,
And to let go of all that you fear,
If you want to grow to have a better life.

I can't see for these tears have blinded by my eyes.
I can't breathe cause these lungs are empty.
I feel like I have failed.
How could I have failed you so effortlessly?
I was suppose to make your sunshine.
I was suppose to make you smile.
And now I can't even see.
I want to escape from being so ordinary.
I just want to stand up and scream.
Oh my God!!!
They said that we would never be.
When did you stop listening to me!?
Are you telling me that you listened, honestly!?
They're liars.
And now I am forsaken by a traitor.
Liar.
Traitor.
So now there is no more you and me.
I wanted to take you from this world.
Escape the hatred and betrayal.
I was meant to make you smile.
I was meant to take you from here.
I have failed you.
You have failed me.
You listened to them, honestly!?
We could have ran from this world that kept us apart.
Baby, I wish you would have never listened to a word that they said.
I take a moment to ponder about things, I wish you would have gave me another chance.
I would have taken all the time in the world to prove them wrong.
Your knife, my chest.
My blood, your dress.
Stitch it up!
I'll bite my lip and fake it!
Fake it!!
I'll say you never meant a thing, anything.
I gave you the world, and a diamong ring.
A solitaire.
You listened to them, when you should have listened to me.
I can't see for the tears in my eyes.
Broken heart, deception, I'll stitch it up with a few more lies.
We could have been far from ordinary.
We could have had the world, but we have the contrary.
So now this is over, the world has me on my knees.
I'll bite my lip, i'll fake it, and say you didn't mean a thing.
Still so pretty, you're beauty illuminates this place.
I'll light a cigarette and watch this whole world burst into flames.

What a morning! It was well received
According to all who watch the inauguration?
From the gay to the straight, to the in-betweens
We will be free, according to the Abraham, Martin and John
Now, Obama, Joe and Hillary Clinton
We shall be free, to walk this earth with a sense of
Peace and reassurance.
Free to be an American Citizen,
In the land of opportunities,
Or else we shall die fighting for it.
So, stop launching the false accusation, and false allegations,
Let us all wait and see what this second term is going to be
White house; history in the making: Waves those flags

Standing strong, running wild, [beat] flying free,
I wish I could afford that kind of dream, but
What's a man with misery as his currency?
And I know I've said a great many things,
Pockets full of promises I've yet to keep.
IOUs too high to pay, don't got that kind of money
And spare change, anger, hate, always rattling in
some tin can, my piggy bank, savin' for a treat
So I'll go down to the market where they're selling fleas
And I'll buy you for my misery, yeah
I'll buy you with my misery, yeah
Trade you for my misery.
And you can be my lie of lies,
Filthy sanctuary, a rundown lullaby
Delusional, I know I am,
But what's a man with misery as his only currency??

My Eyes
Seem Cold
You Hurt
Them So
My Hand
You Shook
My First
You Took
My Heart
Discarded
You Vowed
Then Parted
My Soul
Does Hurt
You Smirk
Then Curse
My Stand
You Shook
My Grasp
You Felt
On Tight
I Held
You Pulled
I Fought
My Neck
You Caught
My Cross
Did Fall
Within That
Moment
I
Dropped
The
Ball
My Eyes
See Clear
For Pity
You Can't
Put In Them
I'll Shed No
Tears For
Pain I've
Carried
Within Them
For There's
Been
Too Much
Hurt, For
Me To Stay
And My Only
Choice Is
To
Walk
Away

Permanent resident
You have become…
My heart, your doorstep…my mind is numb
Swimming and sliding about my soul
Leaking and seeping till you’ve covered the whole
However you entered is puzzlement pure
But alas, there you are; and not leaving, I’m sure
Antidote once: countering my flagrant egotism
Now you have tainted me, quite beyond reason
The cure, it seems, has surpassed the disease
With debilitating neediness I no longer wish to appease
So go with your play-pretend doctor’s routine
And find someone sicker to ply and demean
My inclination to uncertainty has finally waned
I’m done with your presence;
I will keep washing away
Evidence
Of your
Stains

Rifles rattle,
Armies battle
On the plain,
Getting glory,
Grief, or gory
Colored pain.
Conscripts giving
Up their living
For a patriotic bed
That is bag-shaped,
Shrouded, flag-draped:
Blue, white, red.

You know what I hate about writer’s block,
How my creativity is hidden behind a lock;
Time ticks away as I stare at my screen,
My heart beating faster from the strain of caffeine;
The cursor flashing lulls me to doze,
Til a fly lands smack on the tip of my nose;
I swing at the fly and glance at the clock,
How did 10 AM turn into 5 O’clock;
I stand and I stretch and then walk away,
And say goodbye to another wasted day;
Maybe tomorrow will inspire my brain,
Or I could be slowly going insane…

I am a poet writing of my pain
I am a person living a life of shame
I am your daughter, hiding my depression
I am your sister, striving to make a great impression
I am your friend acting like I'm fine
I am a dreamer, wishing this life, wasn't mine
I am a girl who struggles with suicide
I am a teenager, pushing her tears aside
Side note: (Writing for other ladies out there, not so much myself, so don't worry about me)

The Petty Posh-Wahzee - Liberation & Ostentation
The Not-So Distant Past:
The fallen fighters for freedom, are unable to turn in their graves,
their battered, fragmented bones, mixed with a handful of torn rags,
are all that remain, a mute reminder of their selfless valiant sacrifice.
They endured brutal Apartheid harassment, detentions without trial,
torture in the cells, and mental anguish when loved ones disappeared,
they left their homeland, to continue the struggle against racial bigotry,
while countless others fought the scourge of white-minority rule at home.
Nelson Mandela and many, many others, spent their lives imprisoned,
on islands of stone, and on islands of the cruellest torture, yet they stood,
never bowing, never scraping, they stood, firm for ideals for which they were prepared to die,
and many, many comrades did die, at the hands of the callous oppressor,
and many, many comrades perished in distant lands, torn from their homes,
while the struggle continued, for decades, soaked in blood, in tears, in pain.
The Present:
19 years have passed, since freedom was secured at the highest of prices,
delivering unto us, this present, a gift of emancipation from servitude,
a freedom to walk this land, head held high, no longer second-class citizens,
in the land of our ancestors, whose voices we hear and need to heed today.
I do not care much for fashion, Lewis-Fit-On and Sleeves unSt.-Moron,
yet the ostentation that I witness baffles even my unsophisticated palate,
our ancestors' plaintive whispers are being dismissed, left unheeded, as
we browse the aisles for more and more, always for more and yet more.
Asphyxiated by the excess of the Petty Posh-Wahzee, we find ourselves,
perched precariously on the edge, of a dissolution of all that is humane,
babies go hungry, wives are battered, our elders left in hospitals for hours,
I cringe as I scribble these words, perhaps too sanctimonious and preachy,
yet I know, deep in the marrow of my brittle bones, I know, I know, I know,
this tree of freedom planted by the nameless daughters and sons of Africa,
needs to be shielded, nurtured, protected from our very own baser impulses,
so that the precious tree of freedom, may bear the fruit that may feed us all,
for if not, then we are doomed, to tip over, and into the yawning abyss, we shall fall.

thy power over wood and water
lead me to springs untainted
thy music is a bath for the mind
thy art is a balm for the eyes
oh Elvina you elusive slyph,
where shall we meet next?
Elvina i long to see your face again
with thy hair black as midnight flowing like a river
thy face angles like an elf
with patience to match
thy gentel words show thou troubles
and scars yet to my eyes
they beauty is everlastingElvina i thank you
thy skin is scarred with lines of flame
the burning knife that scarred your skin
is no deterent to me for i know
the troubles other cause
you strength has saved
me from the burning knife
for this
Elvina i thank you
you have saved me
from myself
for this
Elvina i thank you
may we meet again

I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
Wondering...
When is Mum, coming for me?
"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"
I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now
I wish God
Could make my Mum
Magically appear
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
Disappear!
“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!
I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own
A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!
Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Dirty tears
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm
“What am I going to do?”
“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?
“Is my life worth living?”
Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!

My heart cries for thousands and thousands of people
those who perished in the earthquake-spawned waves;
known as tsunami, the worst natural disaster
that caused tons and tons of deaths across Asian countries.
It’s a great tragedy, a giant blow to humanity,
with its repercussions to all spheres of life –
a wake-up call, an immediate response
that needs to be attended to and done forthwith.
Global mourning takes its course in every nation,
particularly in these countries of Asia where –
Indonesia, Thailand, Sri Lanka are faced with difficulties;
in coping with destructions, tragedies, and other commotions
indeed, an urgent call that needs an international attention.
In four decades this catastrophe has ceased its wrath,
but after that starts another episode, so terrifying
that people who are caught up in that mere situation
can solemnly declare and profess their fears.
Oh, Mother Nature! at times we don’t know
your reactions that cause pandemonium,
tragedy, destruction, sorrow, and pain to all
like this one, a very strong and powerful disaster.
However, across the world, people show their compassion
with their unwavering generosity that floods in all levels
it’s an illustration that we’re humans with caring behaviors
to all those who’re afflicted and severely hit by this phenomenon.
I can’t imagine how the world mobilizes and responds
showing their love and concern to these people in pain
loss of lives, heart brokenness, and other misfortunes;
these generate an answer to be mindful of them in many ways.
I see the unprecedented generosity that rolls in every land,
institutions and other organizations make a collaboration
in what is conceived and put into action: fund raising,
charity, and pledges of thousands of donors.
Horrific media images shown in television channels,
are remarkable pointers for reflection and yet an invitation;
for someone who needs conversion and a return to church call,
that life can be as quick as those giant waves that killed many people.
It’s a theological reflection which embraces human sufferings,
Like a pathway to profound invocation, faith and trust in Him;
Oh God, our source of strength and goal to fulfill this portion
Where we unite ourselves to all those who’re in afflictions.

Movies played but seldom watched
As we entangled on the couch
Intoxicated by each other, we drank wine to clear our heads
Things were simple in those times
You were red-eyed and freshly mangled
I wanted so badly to make you smile and forget her
For a time I think I succeeded
We were blissful in our distraction
Playing grown up as we discovered each other
Long nights where sleeping was forsaken
We preferred to lie intertwined
Talking
Smiling
Laughing
The sun would rise and you would leave, reveling in how the hours had escaped us
Smiling at the pink tinged sky
Only to repeat the process nightly
Then we traded places
I am the red-eyed one, and another tries to help me forget you
Sometimes he succeeds
Perspective feels like a cruel joke
Could have
Would have
Should have
Someday he will have red eyes too
A cycle perpetuated

Zoo and state fair
Children, I'm not
Quite sure.
But their
Smiles are
Soothing,
Nonetheless.
Sew buttons
Now and this
Tie clip
Isn't fancy
Anymore.
Barn smells,
I enter you
Wishing it
Was less
Than pennies.
To recuperate.

Now I lay beneath the covers, worldly thoughts I try to smother,
Sleep, a pleasure like no other, eyes are closed, I begin to yawn.
Pray to the Lord my soul to keep. Plump my pillow and snuggle deep,
Sigh and settle, welcome sleep. Mr. Sandman dream me a dream,
Show me a sight I've never seen, bring me visions to muse upon;
Let me sleep until the dawn.
It doesn't seem too much to ask, nightly sleep after daily tasks.
Let me sip from a soothing flask, no further need to carry on;
Tomorrow is another day -- another day to fight the fray,
Another day to harvest hay. Never mind the resolutions,
Problems having no solutions, the curtains of the day are drawn;
Want to sleep until the dawn.
Now, I begin to feel a twitch, a muscle spasm, now an itch.
I really hate to whine and b----, but this condition can't go on.
Turn on the light, read my book, squint, give the clock a second look,
Wonder how many pills I took. Covers rumpled, twisted, tangled,
I'm annoyed, nerves are jangled. Maybe, turn the radio on;
I need sleep before the dawn.
Think I'll go down and watch TV, something relaxing -- history,
maybe drama or mystery, don't want anything that's too long,
don't want to think or contemplate, would be nice just to vegetate,
If it's too slow I ruminate. Letterman is good for a laugh,
just in time for the second half. Shopping channel has got a con;
I can't believe I've got this on.
Hush sleepy papa don't you cry, sleep will come to you by and by,
Somebody sing a lullaby. Who's that singin’ that rockin’ song?
In the wee hours of the morning, thoughts arrive without a warning,
evil thoughts like hornets swarming, spoken by a voice inside me,
meant to weaken and deride me, I'm not worthy to carry on.
No time to sleep, here comes the dawn.

If ever a frailty should be rued,
then my emotional resistance of
those who hold my affection dearest
to them, is the sin that equates my soul
with the essence of a Hitler, and condemns
my name to the highest degree of infamy,
While my heart longs to be understood, my
fear of abandonment dictates my legs to gain
distance as each loving gesture is offered in
repetition, Persistently they reach, only to be
disregarded, and embody me within my shame,
Friends and family alike, endure the coldness
of my introverted haven, staring into my eyes
in hopes of disconfirming the projected emptiness
that flows from actions, words, or lack of both,
As they hurt from me, I scream for them in silence,
A deafening continuous stream of soundlessness,
that elevates my withheld pain from ache to harrowing,
Yet they can only assume the contents of this confession,
For my words go directly from mind to paper, and
never see the eyes of those who need to know this tenderness,
To express such powerful statements and risk the familiar
sting of neglect or abandonment once more, is a fear that
surpasses every shameful tear, haunting my thoughts as
a reminder that lives on insomnia, thus I remain devoted
to a faithful vow of solidarity that keeps me sane and sheltered,
Moving at a constant pace, racing against my own fright, holding
every term or phrase of endearment within, and running from a
past that will not be relived by my decree, Alas, with mortal lungs,
mechanical legs, and a heart that lies somewhere between the two,
I run,
for and from,
the feeling I desire most....

the life that you have now
is the one you will cry over when you are removed from it
it happens that many lives are taken
away from the now and when we lived
the can’t grow fast enough is bicycle hard to catch up to
crispy in leaves, and, bare under the bark

Let it come naturally
I read a note the other day
That told me what to do
She said that If I write for her
But write it somehow brand new
Change the way you write it
Bring arrangement to the fore
She rattled out a million rules
That me, did really bore
And then she said ‘come through the soul
That’s how it’s supposed to be’
But then rereading what was wrote
It kind of puzzled me
My stuff it always comes through soul
That’s the only way I write
But when I try to change my style
The poems don’t shine so bright.
For patterns they come from the mind
They don’t come through the soul
So when I write my good words down
I find it all so dull
Cause words ain’t words until they flow
And how can that be done
When mind is busy trying to wreck
A song once it’s begun.
6 August 2013 @ 1300hrs.

In this babel
I'm to find my feet
In this city of vice
I'm to live and learn
A land of pain,few gains
Still,they yearn for my best
My head held high
but how long can it rise?
My neck tweaks from the strain
Yet,it dares not drop
I'm caught in a raging storm
Again,i'm told to stand tall
but how did i jump?
from a thorny cliff to a stony sea
How do i remain unscathed?
All eyes on me now
My test beats my head
how do i proceed?
Oh mama nature
where hath thou placed me?

I lied when I said it was easy,
There are so many things that I fear;
Just thinking of them makes me queasy,
I’m waiting for them to appear;
Could it be we’re temporary,
Is our love enough to last;
Will he think I’m ordinary,
When so much time has passed;
The day that he betrays me,
The day he says goodbye;
All of the things that could be,
Make me want to cry;
How do I quell my many fears,
I don’t know what to do;
Cause I only have so many tears,
That I can spend on you.

Elusive embers,
Why does your fire not burn for me?
So many others cloaked in vibrant warmth
Yet here I sit on the cold dark edge of sanity
Gazing into an empty blackened hearth
Filled repeatedly with the dissipating smoke of matches spent…
Passionately stoked you have been with such colorful kindling:
Little brown pharmacy bottles like hollowed out logs of failed intent
Weak acknowledgement of wretched night dwindling
So cruel in length without;
Morning comes slowly and bitter cold

In the choas we new order in nights we new the emptyness
of a once filled apartment.
The laughter ,The seldom thought voice in a queit storm.
Bare now are the walls I cant recall.
Like a ghost that huants us in a dream it's faded into
just another day of a endless moment's.
And in anothers hands maybe you'll grow like vision.
Instead of reamaning as my soul and cold dead earth.
Maybe it's a scene none can recall.
Or maybe there just to scared to see themselves in failures grasp.
Maybe I should have never closed that door.
Light chases life into the corners of my empty room
Bare as my words some doors should never be opened again.

It’s a crying shame
In the midnight hour
I stroll along this shore
A silence comes on over me
I’ve felt this thing before
It’s a kind of joining up with God
Whatever that might be
In the midnight hour so all alone with me.
So early in the morning
Before the dark has gone
I stroll along these wetland trails
My heart all filled with song
I hear the birds who come alive
Sing their prayers for the day
In the early morn, the whole world seems okay
It’s a crying shame
That the silence has to go
Amidst the noise of the market place
What happens to that glow
That come when folk are not around
Oh, it’s a crying shame
It might be that it’s only me to blame.
I walk amidst the market place
With all the noise it makes
The gossip and the judgements come
It’s noise for it’s own sake
As I try to find the silence
Of the morning and the night
I am searching for that source of all delight.

I can't have a picnic today.
The food, I can't afford to pay.
The price of gas and everything.
Even my heart can't afford to sing.
The blues are sung by yellow wrens.
And the camara's cover is still on the lens.
The joy in life is slowly fading.
As picnic ants are hungryly waiting.
I know this is not what you want to hear.
But empty bellies are living near.
The price for pleasure and blissfulness.
Is much too high for all the rest.

If only I could air brush out
the many monochrome
moments of my life
that have caused so much
damning introspection
and debilitating self doubt.
No good traveling the same
old beaten track
I just want to feel good about myself
and put the stolen self worth back
Adding colour to my life
throwing ambient light upon my
darkest days and nights.
Peter Dome.copyright.2014.

Land of wave-like verse
churning love into a
gum-like consistency
tasting of nicotine and nectar.
Steeped in tears and magic
Metaphor for silver or nubility
immortality and abundance
Hiding your yawning emptiness
Behind ballads and psychosis
Airless craters turn to
allegories for love
consumed or unrequited
Lost or gained suddenly
like a surprised sliver of a plum
inside a boarding house Sunday cake
And a certain cliché for
timeless allure.

Regaining Power.
He walks a lonely road, with his head there in the clouds
And he doesn’t even notice passing strangers
He’s been here ‘bout a thousand years forever all alone
And he’s always looking out for passing danger.
Invisible sometimes he feels, so he tries to seek the glory
As the child calls out in panic “I am here
They have taken all my power so my blossom will not flower
And all around I’ve built a wall of fear
But it’s his pain it is his game
As he prowls around his cage
He lives in vain, is he insane?
And fear ignites his rage.
The truth be plain, the lions mane is what he must acquire
The little boy he must regain his power
And tell the world “I’m here, I’m here” and feed the burning fire
It would take this much to open up his flower.

It’s heavy down here...
Weariness is worn like dark cloaks
Strange faces fade in and out
Of a hauntingly familiar dream
Lost in a moment of out-of-focus thoughts
Back again with exhausting effort to keep going
A smile feels like trickery;
Betrayal of that what is under the skin,
Behind the skull
Shaking sweaty arms holding an unbearable load
Sometimes it crashes against my head…
It’s so heavy here.

The Aphotic rays reach higher
And shame, shade reigns over all
Lacuna, Apathy is all I feel as I fall into the ashed grave
I'm living, the slowest way to die
Elysia, rapture where are you now
What will I do when the flame is extinguished
What will I do when I drown in ash
What will I do when they sing my name in funeral dirges
How can this be all, one short organic vitality
Scares to die, but afraid of a new day
Scared to die, but so afraid of a new day
Will I Ressructe to Paradise, burn in Hell, or lay in Sheol
Is this a there is, one feather, to the dirge
My life so long - my suffering grows
Scared to die, but so afraid of a new day
In all of the ashes, a flame begins
Once again, here I am
Living, the slowest way to die

Sometimes an
Obsolete
Old bulb inside him
Flickers on
And dimly lights
His woozy thoughts
And thirst to write
A song.
Recall he's human,
That's to say, he
Thinks he
Still adheres,
Not just a washed-up
Singer, missing
Schedules to
Appear.
The stained and
Scribbled rhymes
Of scattered nonsense
On the floor,
Three gulps of Vodka,
Bring applause,
Adoring fans,
Encore.
Gene Bourne
06-01-14
.

JOURNAL II – The
Last Few
The old, empty house
just next door.
They say it’s
gutted, pipes and
all.
It’s boarded-up now
sad
ghostly,
The metamorphosis
over a long period
Walking by one day I
wonder at the wealth
of
Roses by the front
sidewalk
Life goes on
And I catch at the
realization
Such a wealth of
flowers,
Such beauty fronting
the ugly old place
I smooth a petal
with one finger,
deep in thought
Oh yes, the last few
will be searching

It could have been me
whose brains got blown off today.
And it could have been you
wasted in that high-rise inferno.
But neither one of us,
at least not yet, vaporized as gas.
So let us be merry, drink!
when it comes, smile, don't blink.

i crack smiles
and lie to use it
i run for miles
just to refuse it
i chase my mind
each time I choose it
i bite my tongue
so not to chew it
i hold my breath
so they'll excuse it
i hide my skin
again
I've bruised it
i admit
within
it's been confusing
~ JSLambert

I am empty as the page that sits befor the flustrated poet.
Pain trapped in heart without words to put to pen.
Shaking cold knowing full well my time has passed as swiftly
as train through a midnight so very clear.
The road behind me I can longer recall.
Faces and places shallow as a drying river bed.
Life has taught me to put up wall.
Stolen moments from a welcome barstool.
One of many jesters in this fools
kingdom I do rule.
The clock of my life grows closer
to closing time.
When I walk out that door it's left to others to recall.
reflect in the thoose smokey dark corners.
How many of you ever did know me at all.
Thinking of times never had.
Missing friendships that never were.
To fail means at least you did try.
The road never ends so why must I?

Joanna Davis
How much are you… willing to give?
Lay down your life so they may live.
In this cold world when passions flame
burns so bight beneath your name.
I still believe in what your said…
that time will come in days ahead
when love and hope will rule the day
Hate is forced to run away.
I look for your face, you hold my hand
Give me the grace to understand
Tell me now, what I should do?
Strength of will to see it through
Justice cowers, forced to hide
Too afraid to step outside
Could you stand firm of foot and say
I'll not let fear get in my way?
When a cold white world freezes the truth
Stillborn’s the child and stunts the youth?
Justice is blind, for if she saw,
She’d cry her eyes till they were raw.
I know you not; you know me less
With broken bone do I confess
Sightless eyes feel the pain,
of ruptured heats and punctured vain.
Sole less; heatless, skeletal, carcass.
Statue standing, arms erect
Belches out the crown’s reject.
Justice tight shuts her sight from view
With all that blood...well wouldn’t you?

A field of angry faces fume
with mouths agape as spittle flies
from lips best used for other tasks.
Upon the green , the rolling lawn of angst,
demonstrators wave paper placards.
Group A never nearing Group B.
Flags drape the bandstand packed
with pomp and politicians give lip-service
to the trodden rights of man.
Unequal, but present, women, fe-males
present themselves in all manner of vehicles
from stroller to walker to wheel chair, we are here.
For one hundred years, we have been ‘given’
the ‘right’ to own property,
but still
our labor is worth less.
Un-joined, un-backed,
if alone, many are left
in the ranks of the poor.
A field of angry faces fume
no child care, no child left behind,
inadequate health care, still we struggle on
in the twenty-first century,
where politicians preen and prance
and misuse our votes.
The divide ever present,
our ranks rife with unrest,
our creative powers used to shackle us
given only lip-service.
Still, we will prevail.

Brother, why the haste
why are you so quick to bail
how life has made you frail
why art thou so lean in faith
Desires of sodom, you chase
till you wear and rot to waste.
The truths of life you dare not face
you cower behind the shell of race
and bequeath to it,the fortune of your days
Oh Sister, why the haste
this phase you crave
is soiled with fray
this course you chart
is fraught with chains
Are you numb to the flames;
that chars the face with pains
that lays in wait, in ways
unseen to sight and gaze
You fill your pate with tales of hate
and lose your fate in pits of vale
The weight of your plate
is filled with kills of kin
why the haste, brother
why the waste, sister?

3.
Wrapped close, in implacable, bitter embrace,
The winter grips the land and holds it immobile,
The cat upon its mouse.
Stripped bare and glazed with stony ice
Ashudder beneath a slatecloud sky
That drops its snow in a hush of crowding dimness,
A white leaden mantle
Is lain over empty fields, piling 'round the trunks of skeletal trees
Standing soberly and waving their bony branches in the frozen air
The twilight days light a world now comatose,
Drawn in against the cold and huddled like
Some invalid giant shorn of all his strength,
Lying stretched half slain across the firmament
Gazing into nothing with a distant blank stare
As scattered carrion birds wheel against a wan canvas,
Waiting.
Those two in their little house circle 'round as well,
Moving without purpose through the events of their lives
As the cold outside seeps into the rooms
Invading their thoughts
To make them tremble
Shaken in the blindness of their desperation,
And though the fire blazes orange-warm in the hearth,
Defending this inside space from the day's deep gloom,
Autumnal sorrows have collected in the silence
And worn their hearts weary with cares,
And thus the spirit's wounds have festered and widened,
Filling with the poison of despair.
Soft sparks the glow of the fire makes in his tired eyes,
Reflecting wild fears that her love is lost;
They dance in his mind, stabbing with a pain
That knows no cure.
Long the time he just looks at her,
This life that chose to be with him always,
And he sees that
Whatever
The hurt that came between,
He cannot bear that she leave him
Condemned to go on without her,
Alone.
Her thoughts for him are much the same,
Though she says it not.
Yet when at last he reaches out across the table
And takes her hand in his,
She looks up, and for one long moment
They two become the lone human pair
In all of space and time,
And in one another's moist crystalline gaze
They read a deep sweet tale
In a language without words.
Something melts,
And something breaks
In that moment when she gently folds
Her delicate fingers over his,
Looking down again with a schoolgirl smile
Spreading irresistable over her face.
Outside, in the blackness of the star-shot night,
Ice cracks
And waters run clear beneath the snow.

To Dine, To Die;
Conversations spiral
While thunderous eyes
Grasp concepts to recycle.
Constant debt crisis
A political paradox
Grating social devices
Over the sorting of socks.
Pseudo-analysis
An endless groan
Argumental paralysis
The debate grants no throne.
Existentialism
Over a roast
Potatoes won't listen
To who talks the most.
"That point is so interesting"
The floor is open for chat
"What is real?" not a thing
"Meow" adds the cat.

Let me breathe,let me step on this earth
to see the wonderful world of god.
More than that,grant me the
wish to be in your arms.
Do not let the love,which
brought both of u together
become a curse to me ,which makes me
pay a hefty price-i.e. my life.
Kindly do not build me a grave
even before I am born and
do not flush me like waste
for being a girl child.
Is being born as girl such
a crime to you are punishing
me with death?.
please do not fill your heart
with venom instead of love.
I promise to be a good daughter,
take care of you always,
be there for you through thick and thin,
make you proud and laugh.
do not crush my little heart which loves you,
do not break my hands,which craves to hug u.
I am a bundle of happiness not a burden.
Is it too much to ask for a chance
to live and love you?
yes I am girl child,it does not make
me less human.
Just let me have my chance of living and
do not pluck the bud even before it blossoms.
[This poem reflects about the most dangerous crime -female foeticide.I hope this kiling stops forever and girl child is embraced .]

Oh Christ, catch an idea
Stuck in the throat
Choking, coughing, spitting
The idea of salvation?
Ground in till belief flourishes
Understood by sight and senses
Those who undertake the holy journey
The truths of all who laugh and cry
Span the time, limitless decades
Watching water flow
Mountains sitting surprise
Blue skies span limitless views
Telling things in quiet voice
And all the time I cough
Cough and retch and spit
whatever it is I hold inside

There was no casket to be set into the earth.
Only memories were to be burried washed clean
by the bottles embrace.
Strangers do we part a vist to a familar cold place
by the oceans shore.
Words spoken never hurt when you understand
human nature.
The dark inwhich I only know.
A dark river flowing unto the sea.
Its broken current flow's with no true direction.
As children we start fresh only to loose the spark.
Dancing under a shroud of tenderness apon lifes
harsh stage.
Bitter souls reflect anger lost only tears of regret.
Me i just cast demons down in some twisted hope
I just might forget.
Sometimes you gotta realize when you crash through that glass
celling you only got to look forward to the floor.
The bottle now empty I cast into the dark waters
eternal bed.
Along with a memory I'll pretend to erase.
Distanse is only a thought away.
The road echos my lifes song.
Underground burried so deadly the truth
just as sweet as the lie.
Barbwire and daydreams plague my soul.
Like the bottle that sit's within the depths
of a water cast tomb.
I know strangers as friends.
Night as backdrop.
Farewell seems fitting as hello.
When the river has run dry
To whom will go?
Read more: http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-death-of-a-friend/#ixzz0suxHEd00

Finding the key
He’s putting his life in order
He’s not a kid no more
Took him a long time growing up
Through all the inner wars
But now he’s getting there at last
He’s climbing through the mist
He’s putting things in order
He will not be dismissed.
For many years a beast kept under
Will rot within his cage
He’ll seethe within with fury
Because of inner rage
But then one day the man looks in
And sees that blessed beast
He sees that it can’t really hurt him
Not even in the least.
He learns then at a deep, deep level
That the beast it has no power.
It be the mark of the fearful man
Who truly will not flower
He’s let the beast so cower him
That he stands there looking scared
Yet look the fear right in the eye
And the truth be everywhere
He must recognize his jailor
And say “Give me the key!!!”
Then he know it’s he that’s holding
The end to misery
He has to learn to like himself
That’s the only way to go
To bring those shadows to the light
And feel his life just flow
He must rest within his glory
It’s the only way to go
Let the light come into him
And feel that inner glow
Then never will these prison walls
Take hold of him again
Because he’ll hold the key to freedom
From all his inner pain.
11 December 2013 @ 1755hrs.

To the wisest there is no answer
Even as a multitude perplexed
The one whose trouble is their concern
Knowing far less even for himself
Ordinary yet alone and seemingly unparalleled
Perhaps the narcissism talking
The rectitude repair if possible
But no happy cure
Not for this one like a
Substituted sheep upon the altar
Could it not have been an object
Of less potential
Unguided and unsourced, fearing
The before it is too late
Life lived as days not as a whole
Never having had an adequate defense
Against the prosecutor who knoweth all

We can't get back the years we have lost
The Demon inside stole you at all cost
The father you loved and trusted in
Took your innocence a mortal sin
Your broken spirit yearns more of the same
Now he tells me... that I am to blame
I should have not left you and trusted him
Denial has ways of making life grim
Now what can I do since he took my child
In ways someone could never take mild
I have no witness but you my sweet girl
Protecing your secret till God's grace unfurls
In bed thinking what could I have done
Of all Ugly... this the ugliest one~

All these years at home, me and my momma alone
Daddy on the run, headed for the sun, he must of been..
Because I obviously wasn't his sunshine
Growing up wishing you were there when I had something to say
But now it's on pause, just like I am to write this
There's no more fightin' it, I hate you daddy
And I love writing it
All the love and hate will come out, I'll be spittin' **** you
And failure out of my mouth. And when I stop talkin'
I'll be in a craze, glaring at him
With my hate my hate and rage gaze
I'll kick up my feet, scuff dirt in his face
Tell him I put weed and lines of cocaine in his place
And enjoy the disgrace upon his face
And tell him that it's his fault for tappin' out in the first place
Left alone in this world of demons
Trying to find my halo in this crazy maze
Raising myself, daddy left
And mommas worrying about her ownself
Life ain't always a perfect song, it skips and studders
Fear, something nothing can cover
My will is what I discovered, feelings uncovered
She starts thinking and wonders
Here dad, I'm gonna use brain
Yeah, I'm a smart ass
Seventeen years later
And I'm pouring my heart out, at last
Making it my point, I'm taking off my mask
Getting it off my chest, and laying these demons to rest
But **** me and the way I lived
Playing dirty and not letting my emotions show
Couldn't find mine
So I stole someone else's halo
But used it as a frisbee and chased it to hell
Spittin' cards now with cruela di'ville
And I know you're here too, in this fiery hell
I'll find you
And the corner in which you dwell
And when I find you asshole
You won't be slithering no more
I'll take off you're scales one by one
Make you the one who's coming undone
Scatter your ashes on hells front door
Bye daddy, now I'm the one who's leaving
I'll shut it, make sure I slam it
Throw in a **** you and god damn it
God sure damned us alright
But don't worry, I'll be sleeping tight
Nightmares at night, no more
I found my heart at my core
Survivin', tryin'
Leaving this life behind
And one last thing to the guy
Calling himself my ****ing dad
I'm better than you
And bull*****if I'm gonna let you haunt my mind
End of rhyme, I'm the one
Peacin' out this time.

This is not the golden age.
It is the future reeling from
earthquake, hurricanes,
lost innocence, lost generations:
Who will cry?
Their voices are muted
beneath the blare of the trumpet sounders
who cry for justice: human rights,
the environment, save this, save that,
save the world.
They do not see
In the modern world,
after the dark-age, beyond skyscrapers,
escalators and aeroplanes, without concord.
They do not see the muting things
nor hear the muted voices.
In the modern world,
they
do not feel.

You quote a man not known but known to everyone when speaking to me
You still are my favorite one to dream about
I choose my words carefully when talking to you
Constructed forums for self doubt surround my delusional landscape
So do consider this an ode to you and your false perfection
I climb all the ladders in reverse when trying to reach you
O'er freezing waters and under painful thoughts
Around you is agnostic heaven
You are a graceful angel and i am your charmless flipper baby tourette baring sappy tap
danced party joke :/
smile...i like it

Tear away her skin, her bones,
Watch her curves move through...her tones
explore her body curiouser... and curiouser....
Sandwich her, squeeze her till her blood flows...
Let your sperms kill her, drown her in her woes.
Afterwards tell her how unattractive she is, how you hate her, loathe her, the mother of
your kids.
challenge her, walk away, leave her to lick her wounds.
Tell yourself its okay, this is what she chose!
Lie to her, abandon her and consume her soul,
Tell yourself its okay one day she will feel whole!
Trample her crush her... tell her how she is all wrong.
Tell yourself its okay she wont last for long.
Push her away till she falls over the edge...
But she will always come back.... for its your daughter she bred!

I live in a house where
all the doors are closed
they hide away the secrets
that can’t ever be told.
I live behind these doors
hidden away, no one knows
what goes on within my head;
or the monsters the closet stows.
One by one, the lights go out,
but the darkness cannot hide
I walk past closed doors
that monsters hide behind.
They shriek at the door,
it shakes in the frame
fumbling with the handle
wondering how they became
the ghost that moans
and the monster that leers,
trapped behind the doors
to cover up our fears.
Their hands reach out
in that space underneath
clawed hands, fumbling,
hear them gnash their teeth.
I look down in the dark
the closed doors line the hall
wonder how we’ve become
the secrets, the lies, the fall.
And these day dreams fill my head
though the hour reads late
I walk light so no one awakes
Aeolus knocks at the gate.
But, others hear what they wish
so even if I were to scream
they’d only hear everything else
thinking it a bad dream.
For we are masters of pretending
spending our lives shutting doors
hiding away our secrets too big
to fit in dresser drawers.
I can’t sleep with all their howling
so I’m left to wander alone the hallway
and pray I do not fall victim.
But old locks and frames so easily betray
me to the monster who is persistent
and the doors they all crumble.
Unleashed I must face what lies beyond
the madness that they mumble.
I cannot hide from their truths
the grotesque and the beauty.
We’ve made monsters of our secrets
and they hold us to this cruelty.
Forced to hide behind locks
I live in this house suppressed by sadness
victim to their bite, I suffer secret’s sorrow
only to end up contemplating madness.

Sometimes you gotta get lost to find the emptyness of the true soul.
Bury thoose memories to unearth old truths.
Cut the ties only to return to thoose past relations.
Ive seen the streets erase the picture only to relive the past.
Living ghosts a backdrop eternal.
I cant question thoose night's regrets like a blanket keep me warm
on a humid night.
When all is wrong why cant anything be right.
I'd never curse you utter truths into your lies.
Tainted encounters in many ever changing rooms.
Neon lit dream's sunset of my mind salt water taste the
bitterness we love.
The mountain's veiw is empty and cold.
Have we lost the the spark.
Iced over thoughts leave only shallow promises
to hold.
So I'll push you away only to hold the memory dear.
A coward to live in the pressent.
A living ghost of the man who once stood here.
I've lost track gone so far from all that ive known.
Sparks in the darkness.
Only illusion paint's the reallity sanity grace me life
once more.
I question has it vanished with my time?

She lets down hair of silken gold,
It falls below her hips,
Then she turns around to face me,
With a smile on painted lips.
Her breasts are round and fulsome,
And her thighs are smooth and sleek,
She gives what she has to offer,
But it's not the thing I seek.
For I take her without passion,
I can't even remember her name,
But I'll whisper to her that I love her,
Just to play by the rules of the game.
Now her laugh's just a little bit hollow,
And her smile's just a little bit sad,
For we've cheated ourselves and each other
Of the love that we both might have had.
For tomorrow she'll lie with another,
And probably, so will I,
But I will remember my no-name girl
And somewhere, inside, I will cry.

Rubbing roughly
Against fractured rocks
Turning and contorting in
Dark dank soil
Brushing over brittle bark:
Tumbling over tangles of
Fallen dead discarded branches
No hands to use to free myself,
Vulnerable in this transmutation…
Knowing exactly how it feels
To pull yourself out of your own skin
Only to begin the cycle
All over again

cross hangs down, silver hits the desk as i inhale. i try so hard to be good but this feels better.
the relaxing god, the fanatic inside the savior inside who helps me through these sweaty nights.
serenity is soothed in silver. and its 1+1+2+2+1 and the lights are burning my face.
ive got a new dress. i dont wanna burn it up, stay awake.
little rituals. little ways and parts and places. the real world is approaching fast,
i wanna stay here in this bubble, i wanna live where no one will ever hurt me again.
only so much powder and the pain is not in your reach.
teeth hurt but the clenching ended days ago.
i beg for sweet sleep, but to not dream of vows and coins and promises.
the commandments make me itch and your prayers are like angel dust.
i beg for sweet sleep, not the hard plastic chairs and the counting of days and the very special anniversaries, you all are stunning hipocrites.
so i bend again to the table. and i scratch and i bleed.
and i make it perfect for my eyes.
and i let the silver swing down to the wood and the clank it makes.... makes me feel like i am home again.
and the radio doesnt matter anymore and the lies are all gone and i sink back into a very real reality.

This smell penetrates my senses;
My belongings in hand, I will wait
for the grey faced man to take me.
Solemnly walking into it;
my belongings are in plain sight.
I will wait
for the grey faced man to take me.
In this stale room;
dreary eyes proceed.
Bleak God please, not this soon,
I look through the crack
and wish to believe
that he not humiliate me.
Will he not take me?
Will he not imprison me?
Alas, he has come;
I see him through the crack.
Is my face not red with embarrassment?
Am I not ashamed?
Am I true in this guilt?
Alas, he has come;
I see him through the crack.
Will he not humiliate me?
Will he not take me?
Will he not imprison me?
He takes me now
with all too much force.
Bleak God please, not this soon.
Looking through concrete
my essence is guilt.
Solemnly walking into it;
I have ended my successes,
I will wait,
for the grey faced man now takes me.
Bleak God! I deserve all of this!
My face is red with embarrassment.
Alas, the grey faced man takes me.

Love is whispered and not forgotten
If this be so
I deaf to soft lipped invitations seek no thought of hope
I of no past collection hold thought
To forget is gruesome and beautiful
My eyes, swift allies in my war of world tell no lies
Silent in the 4 walled chalkboard blue
Shakespearean mad men twist their tongues with words of bland hue
I believe the concept of Ugliness is more profound than that of beauty
Dreams of my bladed face fill up behind my eyes...scratching my mind
Nothing goes SURPRISE! anymore
To love and lose is not the exciting protagonist to never having lost love
the optimists run in circles
pretenders of despair hunt themselves
Every street is Desolation row and my window is covered with blood
Nothing comforts anything
No advice
....just surprises

Ignorant questions you asked
While requesting in return intelligent answers
A pillow of tears I cried
But only for awhile
Yet instead my heart was beating like a hammer beats a nail
And I was slowly decreasing like a paper being filed
Into shelter I would hide
Behind doors I cried
Over the phone I denied
And inside I died
As if hanging up in my face weren't enough
You left me no choice, but to fall asleep with your
Thoughtless and careless words
The constant need to be in control of everything and everyone
I closed my eyes to hold back those tears
Those tears that were trying so desperately to break through
But steadily they came running down my face
Like I was pouring water down a drain
But did you hear me
That language that I spoke
I was talking out loud to all the distant ears
I begged you to lower your voice
But you were to busy screaming at me to hear
You see I constantly found myself apologizing to you
Not believing that I had a right to my own opinion
And that I had a right to be loved and respected
I cursed at times, You kept me mad
And then most days you left me sad
But could you hear me
Could you take my point of view for once
After all that was said and done
My heart was aching and my soul was breaking
A little attention, Like a baby crying out for its mother
Is all I asked of you
Only to hear you speak your truth of belief
And then hang up in my face with a gasp of relief
As if my voice was killing you
When I defended myself , I never knew what I would face
Never knew how you'd react, But I was acting on faith
So I took that leap of faith, I didn't know what else to do
But thank God I found the courage to stand up to you
You made it seem like we were in some game
And half time conversations is all you could spare
Yet like a mother in the midst of labor
I bared all the pain, You couldn't bare
But I had to speak out
My silence had to be broken
Words shattered at that moment
Shock encountered ones face
Something that never happened before
I would not pretend, That all was well
But you weren't listening to me, I was talking to myself
When I poured out my heart to you sincerely
You belittled me, cursed me, degraded and ignored me
Picked and devoured me like I was poultry
You took me through so much misery
You see this lonely faucet, Only runs so deep
But I found the strength to break free, finally
I wanted to be friends but I remember too clearly
Just how it was in the past, When you couldn't hear me

they sentenced me to
pay off your credit cards and
back tax ring that bell
they sentenced me to
be subjected to grumpy
not so special day
they sentenced me to
wish I didn't waste my time
trying to be sweet
they sentenced me to
wonder about your motives
it feels so phony
they sentenced me to
first take back my heart and then
protect it from you

He crouched among the ‘noble’ men
Of so much worth they were much to him
As seas carry creatures, he carries hope within
How much longer must he wait for them, then-
To let him in?
A beam of a smile appeared on his face
They spoke of beautiful women, in dance and grace
Their laughter fed his soul like water quenching fire
His confidence low, yet high his most wanted
Desire
The chatter was of an upcoming banquet
With well-dressed lovelies, their speech eloquent
Hearts swollen with wine and merriment
He longed to live among them
With resentment
Eyes never glanced his way, he hoped to find
A gleam coming to meet him eye to eye
And as they spoke with anxious humor,
There came over the youth a sudden
Tremor
He was ready to make himself known
In beggar’s clothes he would have shown
That he can speak as eloquent as any
And that the smallest bodies of waters
Are plenty
The ‘noble’ men continued their vibrant chat
Without a thought of the boy, not e’en a glance
When suddenly the youth sprung up, ignited
“My friends, I too—I too
Am excited!”
There was a pause in the chilly air
Some men laughed but the host merely stared
The beggar man smiled and bowed so nobly
They would have never suspected a man of his tongue
As lowly
The smile disappeared as they continued to jeer
And the boy was overtaken with inferior fear
At last the host said, “Good man, I am glad you are excited,
But do tell me—er...were you ever
Invited?”
His head went down the kindhearted floor
He could not take the unfeeling eyes on him anymore
Pained to the marrow of his bones, he shook his head
He was never invited, he was never
Well fed
He ran away with tears in his youthful eyes
It is sad how quickly one’s hope can die
And all that night no hope remained but hunger,
Leaving him driven to survive, not above
But under

They said her time had come
No place to run
No place to hide
No time for fun
Just an empty vessel inside
Going through the motions
Numb.
Overwhelming emotions
They said her time had come
They said her time had come
Evil coats
She wants to run
She desires to have fun
Not understanding why she can not play
It is now the month of May
Another denial letter
Another denial to get better
They said her time had come
They said her time had come
Why such looks of sorrow?
She doesn’t understand
For there is always tomorrow
Evil coats
She takes a breath
Smelling all of the flowers
No place to hide
Now literally an empty vessel inside
They said her time had come
Her time had come
Her bald head
Just four years old
She looks to comfort from her mom and dad
Why do they look so sad?
Evil coats drag them away
She never got that chance to go out and play
Beep. Beep. Beeep.. Bleeeeep…..
The room floods with long white coats
Now to heaven this little girl floats
Her time had come
They said her time had come
She was just a name
No money, undeserving of fame
Easy for her to be denied
If only the suits had looked her in the eyes
Who is to blame?
Sent to the free clinic
Now dead at four
No insurance
Ooops! What a shame…
She could have been saved
Now two parents at her grave
Once a happy family, now destroyed
Because THEY said her time had come

Needy waves overwhelm
Battering, smashing
Soft flesh quivering
Splintering, raging, angry
Screeching , fists clenched.
I need more then I have!
To quench the fire,
A hunger, burning desire
As oxen grind grain
Doomed to everlasting circle
Consumed by a need
Spontaneous combustion, eruption
Do what I must
Abilities of others,
To comprehend, to know
What I wish I can't do The arrow pierces deep
And the final words
Are of no help
Doesn’t the sun follow rain?
Releasing the parched earth
Who has my tomarrow?
Searching stacks of stuff
Cheating Chinese workers
Can’t get to heaven today
Enough of anything
Weather turns cold
Fields brown, sun is gone
Special celestial light
Summer stolen while I napped
Can’t get to heaven today.

On Dying.
I was strolling in the sunshine
It was half past afternoon
And I even heard that new born baby cry.
As I carried on, I heard birdsong
That I’d missed my whole life long
Me mind had told me I was bound to die.
But the whisper in my heart said “cool
Look at the positives, you fool”
As he tried so hard to make me understand
That One must open up ones heart
And see the whole, not just the parts?
It could be ones demise be kind of grand.
For positives have negatives
And negatives have positives
And life may choose to dance with you
With Death in fact enhancing you.
And then those trees did sparkle now
They seemed to glow and gleam somehow
And life seemed like a candy covered dream.
And now I know that every man
Is here to learn to understand
As still I wonder just what all this means.

It seems, I much prefer my dreams
though times of consequence pass fleetingly.
It seems, I know while in those very dreams
of all that passes in between.
Matching my realities to messages
left within the ‘seems’ of fear and fantasy and light
of the umbilicus cord which snaps when I’m affright.
Yes, I’d say it often seems,
I’m so a home when wrestling with my dreams.
The I sees “I” , and oft compresses screams
Munch-like in hues of blue and green
on bridges to the nowhere and in-betweens,
ear-covering, muffling, silent screams.
Mesmerized, am I, by what can be,
reality dissolves within the ever-after seams.
Clocks melt, trees morph to faces, Dali emotes
tattle-tailing signs that float on reels
in rooms off kilter, windows bricked without.
Can you hear me?
Can I hear me, shout?
I’m right here, I just asleep
Please let me out!

Valentines day is always something special to me, I explained.
So I planned a romantic evening and got ready for my campaign.
The children were at a sleepover with their favorite friends they adore.
So I met my hubby as he came in, accidentally tripping and making him hit the door.
Thank God his head is hard as he hit that, the nearby TV, but very little more.
I made Cherries Jubilee as a snack while he sat there with an ice pack to his head.
But before I knew it, I’d knocked it over and almost burned down the house instead.
When he finally put the fire extinguisher away…
I got up and got some of the kids’ apple tarts I had made.
He bit in deep and burned his mouth, declaring he wasn’t hungry and the pain would fade.
Next he decided to go upstairs, but I had put rose petals down everywhere in spades.
And yes you probably guessed it… he slipped and ended up needing a little aide.
At this he decided to take an aspirin and lay down upon the couch. OH HHWell…
But I knew the rest needed to happen above, to totally create this romantic spell…
I had to get him to the candles and bubble bath, where my romantic dreams still dwelled.
So I got out some scarves and danced toward him, tying up his hands before he fell.
He never knew what hit him as he was lassoed and gently bounced up the stairs.
I guess I wouldn’t have had to tie his feet… a few words would have done as well.
But you know me when I get going, my mind tends to lose a few brain cells…
He was flustered, exhausted and bruised when he got there, but he’s made of the right stuff.
Though as I took off the scarves, he flopped on the bed pulling the covers over his head kind of rough.
He said he loved me, but living with me could be kind of tough.
He said it was better to leave it to him, for the romantic endeavors and such.
He said he had reservations and play tickets in his shirt pocket for later on that night.
But what he needed now was some aspirin and a few moments of quiet respite.
So with a sigh he started snoring, and my romantic dreams were momentarily crushed.
I dearly love the man you know. But, do you think maybe I tried too much?

I stand here and watch the changing of seasons,
a summer of winters, an autumn of springs,
I stand here in thought, not knowing the reasons,
to the meaning of life, how the caged bird still sings.
I stand here and watch as the years pass me by,
regrets of my past, what my life might have been,
I stand here and muse over one butterfly,
freed from the prison it had put itself in.
I stand here and watch as the dark turns to day,
the first glimpse of sunrise, a shimmer of light,
I stand here and wonder where clouds go to play
would they take me with them when day turns to night?
I stand here on guard while my inner self dreams,
of a world free of hurting, a life blank of stain,
I stand here and listen while my inner self screams,
with fear in his eyes and a soul filled with pain.
I stand here alone, memories by my side,
a flood of emotions, bittersweet in my mind,
I stand here unknown with the tears I have cried,
searching for answers in a world where I'm blind.

Stalking him,
Always now,
In the daylight, or down city street, no matter.
Sleek- a panther, its coat cast obsidian under a moon in anarchy.
Behind him, or in front,
Clutching deeply until each appendage of self falls victim;
The brain, the belly
And the heart unwittingly surrenders.
And the heart.
For although it assuages his fear
It absorbs the essence of the spirit.
It has given inexplicable sorrow a name.
And although the symptoms are in juxtaposition
Nonetheless it defines the nature of his disease;
In this he has found the substance for his epitaph.
And you, who are behooved by deadly youth's penchant for morbidity,
Seize now, his eyes, glance for glance,
And answer this question which binds his life to a name.
Who can be so blind as to assume
That one is amongst the living because you see him walking?
B ecause his lungs expand and so much toxic air is absobed
And expelled?

The rain fell down fiercely today.
Washed the trees and washed the birds,
the cars that slowly passed by,
And washed the red roofs of houses in town.
It just couldn't wash away this sorrow,
this inate, nevergone feeling of being alone.
My lips move but what do they say?
not a word from what runs within.
And I always hoped that like salt
the rain would melt it all away,
releasing the heavy lid upon my chest.
A naive expectation,
A silly childish mistake.
For I will die misunderstood,
I'll surely die being betrayed,
No doubt I'll die trying to mend
my full of hope, broken, bleeding heart
that 's been always as heavy as the rain that fell down today.

Words are easy
Words are cheap
Hard to swallow
With tongue in cheek
A clap for wonder
A clap of praise
Left to wander
An endless maze
Broken promise
Broken trust
Words hid under
Flaky crusts
Crush the honour
Hush the scream
Take the objects
Please leave the dreams.

Vietnam Vets Story
Have you heard the story
Of those bold courageous men
Who served their country tall and proud
As they fought in Vietnam.
They done their country proud and all
And showed how soldiers fought
But now their lives aren’t worth a damns
Their nerves all tense and taut.
They sprayed their poisons on trees
Endangered all these men
And fed them drugs not tested yet
They didn’t care back then!
They wanted just to win a war
A war pointless and mad
And many now do suffer so
Their lives all sour and sad.
And now these men just live their lives
All down with no self value
{Their bodies torn their minds all twisted
Marriages broken too!}
They have to fight with all their might
To get fair compensation!!!!
What price to risk one’s soul and life
In defence of one‘s good nation.

The still darkness
closes in on me,
it envelopes me
so much so that I feel
I am part of a big nothing,
just isolated and totally alone.
I know this is not true,
I am part of something,
I am connected to God and you.
How horrible it would be
to live in a real nothing nightmare,
to always be separated from loved ones.
But I snap out of this by reaching into my mind
pulling memories of you close to my heart
and letting your love save me, again.
You'll never know how many times
you've saved me with only the hope of your love,
tonight is no different in the still darkness.
Were you here next to me
I would show you again
how much I love you
and how big a part of me you are,
but, sleeping in this stillness
is what I have to do, for now.

I have the fury of hell trapped inside. I’m so angry that words can’t express how I
feel. Nothing in life could have ever told me that these emotions existed. I’m mad at
you, at everything you ever stood for. At the very fact that you were so charming
and happy in life only to die and leave me alone like you did. Angry at the fact that
your death could have been prevented, Drinking and Driving - were you just stupid;
careless. Did you think that you would never die? That you were immortal and could
defy even God. Well you weren’t, I guess you know that now. I still can’t believe
that your life could be wasted because you were too arrogant to wait till you got
home. You should've waited...

You think that you so big and tough,
I’ll show you what it means to get rough;
Dishing out your stupid words,
But it only makes you sound absurd;
Thinking your so big and bad;
Your life must be something sad,
All you do is talk, talk, talk,
But I know that you can’t walk the walk;
Ridiculous you sound to me,
And trust me everyone agrees;
You get up on that high horse,
But I just let nature take it’s course;
One day soon you’re gonna fall,
Or get smashed into a brick wall;
I’m find myself waiting for that day,
To end your outrageously false display;
I salivate at that very thought,
Your brains must be filled with rot;
No intelligent life to be found,
Your just as retarded as you sound;
Don’t worry you never were my friend,
And I fully mean to condescend;
I revel now in your distress,
Who am I talking about, just guess!
~Don't worry it's not about anyone on the Soup -
he can barely string words together, I'm not sure if
he can even write~
~For P.D.'s Slam Contest~

Friends one with whom I shared a drink.
Are now ghosts who haunt my heart dear.
Most left to find that which in life they did thirst.
But with seasons I did remain like some old pillar unable to
move.
Feet planted tears caressing a bitter face hiding
the fact that goodbye had come all to soon.
Cards underneath my door.
Unfamilar faces make me question do I exist anymore.
Old passions destroy new flames.
Nights alone cast shadows.
You find more comfort in dreams
The whiskey that burns is all that reminds.
You haunt this body like a vacant building
most seem to ignore as they pass its once warm
structure.
My soul knows midnight my heart emersed in the
agony of truth.
We yern for warmth in the comfort of pain.
Memories are like scars a prison of the mind.
Greetings from outskirts.
For I am the at home with the left behind.
Like a character in a novle ment to entertain im
lost in the back pages of life.
But if you ever question just turn back in reflection.
For they may have fled but im sill here.

I have the evil of you
Caught in my hands, entangled
Like the arabesques of Eden's vines
Just like paradise, but why should shame remain
Singeing like immolation of Peter's Inferno
These reddish-purple chains convolute myself
as the grapples shoot out from the clouds
both below, above me
The self-lovelust propelling
You did this - these plagues
You drag me down - to your cage
Cadaver Vampire - I am your slave

Here they go again.
anything to win,
indulging
in shameless
self-promotion.
layin’ it on thick,
makin’ sure it sticks,
slappin’ it on like lotion.
“click my stuff,
and I’ll click yours too.
wanna feel like the best
even though
it ain’t true?”
back n’ forth complements
are so self defeating.
inflating other’s heads for praise
is a blatant way
of cheating.
“do unto others”
but don’t lie,
to boost their ego.
misleading them
to raise their hopes
should clearly be illegal.
no need to read
a word
of their work
while scratching their backs
bare.
skimmin’
skippin’
scannin’…
all’s fair
in tactical
warfare.
poets thought to be adored
while chewin’ truth’s gristle.
before you swallow,
broke a tooth that hurt
like a damn
lit
missile.
feeding on lines
with hidden agendas
is worse
than bein’ ignored.
cuz’ when you find
copy n’ pasted comments,
your hopes
are sadly floored.
how about
reading and endorsing work
you actually enjoy,
instead of
feedin’ folks a line of crap
laced with praise
and “atta-boys!”

Missing You
by Amy Swanson
Sunny day...
reminds me of the warmth
in your smile
Today I saw
a mom and daughter
walking arm in arm
talking
laughing
shopping...
how I wished it could be us.
It seems so many little things...
and some days, it is everything...
or even, just anything.....
reminds me of you.
I remember
your laugh...
the sparkle of your dark brown eyes
a merry mischief twinkled
from their depths
I remember
how we talked
of everything
and nothing
at the same time;
no one else has ever understood me like you did.
All my bad...
my faults and habits...
rebellious teenage years...
you loved me still
like any good mother does.
*and you were*
Such a good mother.
Oh, how I wish that I could tell you
one more time
how much you've meant to me
how much
I love you.
My little girl was sick the other night...
and as I bathed her with wet towels
bringing down her fever,
checking on her through the night
medicines around the clock
constant hugs and gentle words -
I thought of you.
All the times
you did the same for me...
All the times
I never got to say
"thank you," Mom
*so much*
for helping me be
who I am today.
And so I write
thinking of you
picturing so clearly in my mind
beautiful thoughts
precious memories
of
you-
and hope somehow you know
how very much
you'll always mean to me;
how very much
I'm
missing you.

Thoughts etched in obsidian,
Wisps of color,
Like a jade curved smith,
To hew out crevices of the wast'd rock,
Wind washed and sand clothed,
Pulsating taking solitude,
With angels milling about,
Deceptive in their demeanor,
Like new born locusts,
Death is taken captive,
The captain calling out a-ship, a-shore?
Golden waves play harps in the summer,
And dance a deathly knell in mid-winters reverie,
Yet in all the colored hue,
A heart finds no solacing bosom.

I pulled the handle, Just playing for fun,
But soon became fixated on the excitement it brung
Little did I know, It was the beginning of the end
My addictive passion was playing to win
The flashing lights and arousing sounds
Winning or losing I was completely bound
Amongst myself and the other strays
Just one more time became a common phrase
My wallet grew empty, My bank account cleaned
Temptation had taken it's toll on me
I was Late for work, And some days I called off
I had written bad checks, Just to cover up my loss
No money for the rent, bills or for food
Everything was gone, Gone far too soon
I some how found the strength to get up and leave
But not before I had lost, Lost everything
Now I am left with a half empty tank, No food at home
And no money in the bank
Driving down the freeway, With many thoughts in mind
What kind of person would do this, What kind of person am I
Tears are streaming down my face, Why do I keep making the same mistake
One day my Mom discovered what I'd been hiding inside
When it came time to buy groceries and my pocketbook was dry
I cried my heart out and pleaded for help
She gave me her love, warmth and support
We worked through the motions, I cried so many tears
Because every time I turned around, The urges reappeared
I was so weak, So she offered her strength
She became the payee, Of the bills and the rent
I gave over my money, Each paycheck I earned
And chucked it all up to a hard lesson learned
It's been a few years, Since I've lived in that life
I'm thankful to God, For a Mother so wise
So loving and gentle, Strong and so true
She's part of the reason, I started OVER brand new
The other reason I chose for turning over a new leaf
I realized nothing was more important, Than my daughter who needed me
It took my Mom giving me so much inspiration and support-Loving me and guiding me, showing
me what I was doing, and me feeling the aftermath of needing necessities and my daughter
wanting me to take her places and buy her things and I was broke because I had gambled it
all away- Harsh reality- I couldn't bare to see the disappointment in her eyes once
more-she is my whole world, I wanted to do so much for her.I couldn't when I was weak-but
little by little I found strength..I realized my worth-We all make mistakes but I have
learned from mine. It wasn't easy but besides my daughter and my mom-The most amazing
support I have is My Lord Jesus Christ- I am stronger now more than I ever was-Now my
daughter is spoiled!

There is a danger in desperation.
The things you will do,
the things you will say,
just to have another day
There is a danger in desperation.
Many know exactly what I mean,
others have no clue what about this.
Longing and dreaming of one more kiss
There is a danger in desperation.
Sometimes its long hours of waiting,
most times you sit by the phone
just thinking and debating.
There is a danger in desperation.
The moments you have managed to make
leave you wanting and craving for more.
Its a dangerous game, but you love to allure.
There is a danger in desperation.
When you see what you want, walk away,
to go find the one that they say they love.
Silently you just pray to up someone up above.
There is a danger in desperation.
Your heart gets trampled on
beaten, torn and badly bruised.
Sadly you know you have been used.

*~*
In my heart, what I thought to be love
Was simply my own desire
So brief...
Gone before time could tell it even happened
Like a whisper
Barely heard in the shadowy stillness of night
I tell myself it's over, you're gone
But in the same breath
A voice whispers quietly to my heart
Assuring me that perhaps
You may have really cared
I tell myself it wasn't meant to be
But in my remembering...
I find that thought elusive
Too painfully conclusive
It weaves its memory in and out
Like a fine needle sewing its fragile threads
Delicately twisting them intimately
Amongst the filigrees of my mind
The magic was so mysteriously enchanting
I tell myself it's over...
But my heart refuses to listen
My mind says to forget you
That no one's worth this kind of sadness
My soul doesn't need this heartache
I tell myself I didn't really care
That it was all just a momentary illusion
But...
I never did lie very well
*~*

Archers Bow.
Words may fly like arrows
From the deadly archers bow
They have a lot of power
‘Depends which way they go.
I’ve seen them make a whole crowd cry
{They could cause some poor soul to die}
Guard them well, let them spread joy
Just let them heal
But not destroy.
Oh go you easy writing friends
Be very careful, words offend!
For some folk, they be sensitive
My friends be careful what you give.
Responsibility be yours
For the arrows from your bow
So watch thee well the words you choose
For with them love must flow.
Oh, let your words be arrows
All dipped in harmony
Then left to seep in happiness
And the juice of liberty.
Then bend your bow, and let it go
These arrows be your song…
So let your arrows aim to heal
Then love may carry on.

Chance
By BJ Welsh
With life and living we take our chance
Nodding in agreement to a furtive glance
Waking up each day is a chance we take
That life will deliver us for Heaven’s sake
We awake each sunrise with a hope reborn
Chance seeing an other suffer and torn
It’s one other’s life you see at a glance
Hoping for approval, it’s but a chance
The life you witness as others pass
The pain inside may subside, alas
Hoping to see one as you
The chance you take to find two
Running out of time the clock is ticking
Chance there are others whose lives aren’t clicking
Great as that may be, the chance you’re all alone rises
Furtive glances from beneath disguises
Chance that hiding the pain and hurt won’t last
The agony you feel will not be fast
Chance you soon become discovered
In your waking hours its’ uncovered
You’ve lived a life of hurt and pain
The chance you’ve taken may have been in vain

Stunted
Head bowed
He shuffles along
Scared he might stumble
Hesitant
Hands twitchy
He drags himself
Terrified of all around
Powerless
Eyes nervous
He glances erratically
Intimidated by people passing
Haunted
By memories
He turns around
Glancing back at time
Staring at an incident, an act of man
That crippled his emotions as only a human can.

Escape the tort of our avarice world
Defy the ones who shift the blame
Deter the decadence forgetting shame
Freedom is on the top of the bare eyes
Beyond the consciousness of The Human Kind
Search harder and then you'll find
The Land of Sophia
Dwelling past are needs
Swirling around our bare minds
Our wants polluting out sight
the Land of Sophia is lost at night
Are the Lies held
worth it in time
Only embracing The Veil of Logic
The Truth is cast into shade
where all vices are soon to be made
For all of our dreams and dramaticies
The Destruction Star poisons seas
Far from This Galaxy
among the stars
I can see myself,
And The One I've became
Escape the tort of our avarice world
Defy the ones who shift the blame
Deter the decadence forgetting shame
Freedom is on the top of the bare eyes
Beyond the consciousness of The Human Kind
Search harder and then you'll find
The Land of Sophia
Dwelling past are needs
Swirling around our bare minds
Our wants polluting out sight
the Land of Sophia is lost at night
Caught in our lust,
of forgetting trust
I wonder can we break free
of bound forever in the clutches
of Lilith's Love
Eden's Heart
Who's desperate For Love
Who's desperate For Light
yet wallows in Blight
and chooses to wait--forevermore
The wait in Summer--An Eternity
Lilith's Love
Eden's Heart
Escape the tort of our avarice world
Defy the ones who shift the blame
Deter the decadence forgetting shame
Freedom is on the top of the bare eyes
Beyond the consciousness of The Human Kind
Search harder and then you'll find
The Land of Sophia
Dwelling past are needs
Swirling around our bare minds
Our wants polluting out sight
the Land of Sophia is lost at night
We don't chose what's right
I can't believe we are able to see this far
Crawling in Shadows
Never will breath find it's light
Escape the tort of our avarice world
Defy the ones who shift the blame
Deter the decadence forgetting shame
Freedom is on the top of the bare eyes
Beyond the consciousness of The Human Kind
Search harder and then you'll find
The Land of Sophia
Dwelling past are needs
Swirling around our bare minds
Our wants polluting out sight
the Land of Sophia is lost at night

The quiet, at the beginning
Is suddenly disrupted by a rush
Of light and sound
Chaos and confusion
Drive and dominion takes course
Lack of experience and insight the source
Accelerating away from the initial calm of what once was
The quiet in the midst
Is burdened by the distraction and discord
By need and necessity
Other wills and other ways
Light and sound now complicate
Deeds and desires resonate
Increasing the distance and diminishing the importance of what once was
The quiet before the end
Now lost from time, tide and total disregard
Dark and delusional
Where all that remains removed
Is coloured and consumed
Life and longing to the acknowledgement of what once was
The quiet in the beyond
Returns

I let you die for my name
As you reached for my hands
Out of waters of drowning
What a hypocrite this writer is
The Hatred of Solitude
Letting an orphan dream
Then destroy him with knowledge
Of what you have done
He opened up to you
In new ways
But in nostalgic guises
The springwinds whisper blithe yore
But the winterwinds, much stronger
Caress you with the dreams of your funeral sky
“It was you… it was your fault…
Letting the one who was so open to you
Be the laugh… the piece in the game…”

Just breathe in the clarity
Clarity of the whole
Whole or negativity
Negativity eating your soul
Head for tomorrow
Tomorrow always waits
Waits for enlightenment
Enlightenment heals mistakes
You are where you’ve put yourself
Your “SELF” now reminds you of shame
Shame brought on by acting out thoughts
Thoughts a conscious shouldn't retain
Give yourself an apology
An Apology you deserve to have
Have some faith in your timing
Timing bleeds wisdom in man
Bless your self and live righteous
Righteous spirits rise above
Above all if you are kind
Kind souls conquer hate with love
Poetry brings torment to a halt
Halt all your never-ending thoughts
Thoughts are forbidden evil hiding
Hiding light inside divine spots
So please write down your own deep thoughts
Thoughts penned will conquer your inside trap
Trap your life up in your cell all alone
Alone you shall stay smelling your crap~
please don't be offended by the last line~
I felt it was necessary to get my point across~

I hate waiting.
I don't like going
anywhere either.
Patience is a
virtue that some
one else got;
cause it's all
lost on me.
Smiling is a googly
face on a cardboard
with raised eyebrows
so it looks like we
might all be smiling.
Foolish fools is a form
to flee. Something we
don't want to be; like
a bedbug or a dying elm
tree sign this here we
don't want to stop what
nature has started or was
that something humans
have done? Oh it's so
insipid. Maybe it was
the sun. Who's talking
here anyway, I'm still
waiting.

"Judge not lest ye be judged yourself" Matthew 7:1
That phrase is appropriate.
I am who I am.
I am WHAT I am.
I make no bones about it.
I am a poet.
I write when I write.
I write what is in my head.
I write what is in my heart.
Some is fiction, some true.
Some of it is scenarios in my busy head.
Some is a dark. Some light.
Some perverse. Some nice.
I am a friend.
One who stands for what I believe.
Even if my friend is wrong, I stay
I am a lover.
Not in a physical sense.
But a lover I am just the same.
I am a child of God.
Just because I am NOT
A bible thumping, card carrying
Member of a particular church
DOES NOT make me any less
A daughter of God.
He knows my heart and
He loves me just the same.
I am tired of people looking
Down on me because I do
NOT live their way!!!
This is my life!!!
God gave it to me.
I refuse to be beaten anymore.
I refuse to have a husband
To take what is supposed to
Be a act of love and have it
Whenever and however he likes
It, no matter the hurt.
I refuse to be punching bag!
I refuse to be the wife that smiles
For all the world to see and pity
Because her husband is off screwing
The cute young woman that batted
Her darling eyelashes at him,
I have tattoos.
So what?
So what if I want to
Date a younger man?
I am a good person.
Take me as I am.
I am me and for ALL
Of you that judge, I am
NOT committing any sins.
The only sin I committed
Was believing I am worthy.
I know I am not.
But just because I am
Unworthy does not mean
That I can not have a life.
I will answer to God
In Heaven when My
Time comes.
He is the only one
EVER allowed to judge me.
"Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself" Matthew 7:1

No more icy showers,
No rats, no roaches,
I’ll never trek reluctantly,
Up your five flights again.
No more neighbors’ yelling,
No slumlords, no supers,
No longer will I freeze,
In your dark bitter space.
Though I’m cautious and weary,
Of the next empty apartment,
I’ll never look back,
Once I step out of your door.
No, no, don’t you worry,
There will always be another,
To suffer inside the hell,
Of your suffocating walls.
Where you will try to break them,
Confine and oppress them,
Until they are empty,
Just like you. Just like me.
*For Matt Caliri's "Empty Apartment" Contest

In righteous fury, she stands alone
her children unaided to war
while worldly fellows do protest
amidst crimson streams of blood
care not, her passionate cries of pain
on grit of dust and sand
for glory follows this wickedly chore
in honor borne through task.
In ignorant bliss he walks without fear
his sons unguided must fight
deaf to dissent, protests hushed
fallacious zeal, bravery be told
wandering forth with distain and pride
broken dreams scattered as dirt
comforting whimsy he reclines in thought
children gone lost and scared.
In paralyzed fear mother stands grieving
her children unloved return
flag draped coffins parade in solemn respect
innocence stolen by force
beneath cold azure skies caskets interred
sorrowful eyes frozen in time
mere words cannot condole this young life
no recompense made to suffice.
In anger and silence they share pity
this man though damaged, lives
together they reminisce with pride
His sworn duty now complete
gone are their fears of death and loss
with the living he shall trek
the child they cherish so, lays breathing
Yet he’ll never walk again

Rain falls on the roof
Each drop plays a familiar note
I toss and turn no sleep to be found
The storm rages on
A chill fills the summer air
My body aches with fear and longing
No comfort to be found inside
The storm rages on
Raindrops hit my face
One by one, they awaken my senses
To erase fear, doubt, and sensibility
The storm rages on
Lightning streaks across the sky
I am blind to the dangers ahead
In the flash of light I see only hope
The storm rages on
As fast as it came
The rain starts to fade
I retreat inside my shelter
The storm rages on
My thirst overcomes me
I am consumed by the need
To feel the rain on my face again
The storm rages on
The stars shine like gems
On a cloudless night
I toss and turn no sleep to be found
The storm rages on

A thing so paradoxical desire;
So all encompassing it’s grasp;
A curse of eternal thirst-
Though we are drowning.
Hands desperately scratching for a life raft
That is secretly made of the same water we drown in.
So we continue our daily floundering
Chasing a trail of crumbs we call “Hope”

Back to the roots ever weaving
Hands to elbows sweat streaming
Back to the roots whence the seed began
Deluded to think that along the path you ran
The roots had not snaked behind your every stride
And tangled your feet to fall hands first into your erstwhile guide
Back to the roots where it sprouted out
And take grasp of the past and heave with a shout
How your roots have brought you back matters no more
For you have fallen back into knots that have tripped you before
So take grasp of the roots and yield to your past
Knees bent untying the knots of fate’s cast.

Can you feel?
Can you feel the tremor?
That rocks your world
That shakes the cage
Like a beast trapped outside
A beast raging against the bars
It lifts, it throws, it rages
Can you feel it?
And in the aftermath,
You can hear the cooing, cajoling
Of puppeteers laying strings before your bars
And they croon and cluck like fretting hens
Petting your bars and calling for you
to reach out and take these strings
Tie them where they cannot reach
Deep within, where no one else goes
And let these good people in,
They preen and you shake your head
Seeing the gleam in their eyes
Oh so like the ape’s
Cooing, cajoling... cawing
And oh, how you can feel it...
But I’m here so hold on
I’ll sit by your bars,
I’ll sit by the door
right beneath that lock that turns from within
And I won’t rage, or set the siren’s call upon you
I’ll sit by your bars, and keep you company
My friend;
But Cold bars let through a breeze friend...
Your sharp breath is not secreted away
And with every breath you take
Your lungs are profaned
And you cannot hide
Behind bars
You cannot hide
From My voice, or my presence, or my eyes
My eyes that see too clear
And you cannot hide from what I see
What you can feel
Pressing in, from us all
So just let us in
My friend,
Let us in, for we will not be kept out
Life does not surrender, life does not hold back
Life seeps through
Every crack,
And be sure, there are cracks everywhere
Where there are breaths to be shared, there are bars to let them through,
And you feel it don’t you?
That which you see deep in my eyes
You feel it
That feeling so clearly reflected
When I look into your soul
That fear alive in my eyes
That rages within you,
But don’t fear a battle you have lost
Do not fear the day you must face the world
The world, friend, has never
Turned its face from you
And the rest of us:
Well we are not so brave
We are not iron bars moulded to flesh
That fear you see is real
And it is ours all
But we cannot hide
From what burns within
And I will not die
Hiding from life
And I will not cower when I tremble inside
I will not rest in a cage when I am tired
And I, friend, I am so tired
Of living between bars.

As I purge my mind of all the memories bits and pieces that still infuriate me
I remember being on the phone with her in our last conversation
and in the background I could hear what her new boy friend was saying
Threatening to leave and reminding her about the things I?d done
Then you claimed I had not changed
You said I was still very angry
I said under the circumstances how would you feel
If the only love you knew was being decided upon a moments notice
No more chasing
No more memories
No more wishing you?d come back
No more you, no more me
Last page, End of story, close the book and don?t look back
Then suddenly another memory a psychic gave your mom advice
She said you were going to have to choose between two lovers
But that moment in time had no rhyme and we just laughed it off
But as I reminded her of that time I could hear fear through a fateful sigh
then suddenly everything in my mind began to flicker
Like a candle blowing in the wind
My mind my soul prepared to let go
Like an addiction that feeds off the regret
No more chasing
No more memories
No more wishing you?d come back
No more you, no more me
Last page, End of story, close the book and don?t look back
Another reel of my memory plays
Like sitting in a dark room with a tv on and remote in hand
Skipping through the channels
And watching each clip
She said I have to call you back
but I already knew what the answer would be
It was in her voice when that moment became a reality.
She buckled under pressure and I was out of the picture
No more chasing
No more memories
No more wishing you?d come back
No more you, no more me
Last page, End of story, close the book and don?t look back
Our break up was resentful
Unfortunately it was all based on a lie
And for six years she hated me
However she never really knew the truth why
And as one last image begins to float away like a balloon
I see the engagement ring and the party
I see what could have been, should?ve been but is not going to happen
I see you on face book with two kids and an illegitimate husband
No more chasing
No more memories
No more wishing you?d come back
No more you, no more me
Last page, End of story, close the book and don?t look back

Election Day
Last week was our election
It’s been going on for weeks
From the space where I was standing
It all looked kind of bleak
The chance of labor leaders
Getting the ruling hand
There’d been some inside fighting
They weren’t looking too grand.
But when I thought about it
It didn’t really matter
All these fools, it seems to me
Are only noisy chatter
They promise this, they promise that
And then what do they do?
Nothing, absolutely naught
They say is ever true?
So anyway I was lucky
What by accident, I done
Was muck up on the valet sheet
I failed on every one
Of those boring little boxes
That were staring up at me
But I really did not want to vote
So it was meant to be.
11 September 2013@1720hrs.

words that pierce like a sharpened edge
the pen has no regret
old pain incessant we must dredge
if not forgive, forget?
but the power of a simple verse
overlooked by the creator
has made the past in present worse
and lesser pain now greater

Today,as i lay impatiently in wait
for my ever elusive headway
regrets and pains awash me
The should have's and could have's
the imbalance of nature
the failures of Mama Africa
Maybe,my optimism is far-fetched
but then,i shouldn't be chastised
for being too much of a believer
in a world that bore so much promise
When did we become faceless?
how did we inherit the alps heart?
The cycle of wrongs seem endless
A soothsayer once said to me
"Hold still,yearn little and hope
nothing"

Sometimes it is hard to know what to write or when to write when you have just about every
thought possible flowing through your head. I wonder, "Should I please the public with
how "poetic" I am or should I please You? I know what the answer is but at times I'm
worried about being liked or whether people get me. Is my belief in Your Son too far
above their heads or will they get it? Should I even worry about public opinion? Of
course I know as a follower of Christ, sharing my testimony and telling them about the
Lord is what I'm supposed to do. On the other hand, have I become to preachy and
dull? Am I shoving my beliefs down their throats? Then I realize, didn't Jesus make
himself of no reputation? Everybody thought that He was weird, blasphemous and not
qualified to tell them anything when it came to how they were living. I'm only here to do
what He wants me to do, nothing more, nothing less. If I do my part, the right people will
hear it, love it and appreciate it. All I should do, is write the word and leave all my
"rambling worries" to Him.

Sometimes I sit and ponder
what it may be like
to have parents, not always
looking for a petty fight
the love you feel, always
being there for you
day o' night
I wake up fighting a
constant battle,
I feel like I am in a circus
having to jump through hoops
my parents hold
to earn their admiration and
approval
Earning their gold star
for the day
I was a rebel since day one
not trying to conform
dancing to the beat of a
different drummer
Wishing to be accepted
for who I want to be
and how I seek to spend my hours
nothing I ever do, seems to be good
enough
They talk about "emotional deposits"
i.e. spending time with them
but they spend too much time
picking and proving
reacting wrong, saying ignorant assumptions
they push me away, each day
'further and further I go
as soon as I make enough money
I'm gone
They act as if my artistic mind
couldn't make money
like my dreams are distant relatives
of which I will never meet
but I strive to prove them wrong
Its bad enough being
one person versus the world
but when the army you fight
is led by your family, your blood
it's twice as hard to get up
in the morning, when the suns
rays dance on my closed
eyelids
I try my best to be the kind
of person I want to be
despite their efforts to kill off
my individualistic soul
I have given up trying
to belong to which I
was born unto
I'm simply playing the game
Hoping to win, one day
the chance to be myself
as I feel emulates me,
and regardless
have a proud
Mommy and Daddy
I do pray, I shall be
free to be
Heather Rose Marie

Darkness lingers
on the other side
of the glass
Sweet disaster
rings in my ears
As I drink myself
to indifference
Tiny buckets
of amber radium
burn trails
down my throat
leaving craters
in my soul
Never reaching
the thirst or the
inviting darkness
In one-eyed splendor
I look up from my glass
to rearrange dusty words
and search my desert soul
for a sliver of shade
But the darkness remains
just out of reach
yet never more
than a drink away.

I walk among the weathered stones,
Contemplating my life alone;
Staring into the vanishing light,
Praying for the courage to face the night;
Fearing the endless days up ahead,
I’m stuck here alone, no friends but the dead,
Trapped in this place, never to be freed;
I was deserted by all in my hour of need;
I look around but no one is there,
Filling my lonely heart with despair;
The soulless blackbirds fly overhead,
“Tirzah” they whisper, my name brings me dread;
I’m stuck here alone with naught but my fear,
The path to my future remaining unclear;
I cling to the memory of my fading past;
Hoping that I can find peace at last.

Wedding Ring
Why did you take my wedding ring? Did taking it give you a zing? Did hurting me give you a
double ring in your b b thing? Did the carats make your heart sing?
Did you think your new lady would like my ring? Wouldn’t it sting her to know whose thing
that was first darling?
That hurt more than anything. Why did you take my ring?

It hurts me a lot, when you don’t understand me,
It hurts me when you listen to what I say but don’t understand me.
When you look into my eyes and can’t read them,
When you hold my hand but you didn’t mean it.
When you say everything is fine, when I know its not,
It hurts me a lot when I see you pretend.
Its painful then anything else in this world,
Its like watching you with someone else.
Its like you telling me its over,
Yes it hurts me a lot,
To be with you but not to be with you!!!
Yes it hurts me Alot!!!

Approaching the winter of my years,
Never yet found my reason.
So much laughter, so many tears,
Yet all that’s sure is the season.
To few, all my days;
So many spent simply breezin’.
Should I regret their waste
When all that’s sure is the season?
What’s it been about anyway?
Perhaps there is no reason.
Did so want to learn the truth,
But all that’s sure is the season.
Always tried to consider others.
‘Tis much easier to be pleasin’.
How many are my friends?
All that’s sure is the season
Felt the urge to make my mark.
Fame or fortune was my reason.
Fear of failure was my tether,
For all that’s sure is the season.
A man of Christian faith,
Hope God finds me pleasin’.
Fair chance tho’, I’ll go to Hell,
Yes, all that’s sure is the season.
So what of value will I leave?
Hearts and souls I may be teasin’
With too few words too few will read,
While all that’s sure is the season.
Approaching the winter of my years,
Never yet found my reason;
But thank God for each extra day I search.
Still, all that’s sure is the season.

A smudge on the mirror
Thats all I can see
I cant see the eyes staring back at me
My vision is blurred
My sight unclear
Why cant I see when I am so near
To the person on the other side
Still I cant see the tears she's cried
Before me the image is a lie
For it can only show the outside
Not the truth that's held inside
Behind the eyes that I cannot see
For the smudge is keeping it hidden from me

This frenzy of feeling
this pull of hindsight
is bursting in optics
resounding in light
at the tip of a porcupine
centered explosion
this frenzy of feeling
internal implosion
This fanatic fancy
this race to be found
is shooting star tonguing
and silent of sound
at the tip of the mouth
on the verge of a thought
this fanatic fancy
can never be caught

What’s big to me may be small for you
But when you hurt I hurt too
So many different phases I’ve been through
Withdrawal & self-indulgence just to name a few
I dodge sleep to note this nonsense to both me and you
My desperate attempt at understanding
Has only led to more questions
I remember when medication numbed me well enough to stay quiet
Nonchalant
A zombie!
All last night I cried and cried
And
You slept while I died all the more inside
I don’t have all the answers
One thing I know is
Dreaming and fantasizing
In these worlds I find solace
Seeing and realizing
It hurts…
It hurts…
People have been so unfair –
But then again
What is fair?
So many questions…
Once upon a time,
I’ve put down my pen
And
Followed doctors and drugs
Their drugs, my drugs
Just stop judging me and fix me!
I’ve put down the drugs
Picked up a pen
And this is the reason other people say I’m doing well?
What’s real?
I can’t tell
Is it what you tell me or what I tell me?
Drugs have concealed me
Silenced me…
Taught me that I don’t have to feel just see
And shake my head
Now I can both feel
And
Shake my head
I can verbalize
Sure
But I’d rather not talk just write
I can write and write just to get it out on paper
But
It’s still in my mind
I’m not fixed
Still I cry and cry
While you sleep
So which am I supposed to choose?
Solace or the truth?

Meme-Shatter
The volume of a certain something
does not by any means determine its levity over any given situation
or its brevity by relation
Once you strike a chord,
It's moment of breath
Shatters through it's glass-painted interstellar conquest
Where the fine line between an arrow and a target success
is evident in the lack of evidence
Which provides you, the Reader, better access to the verity in absence
You're an ancient old trick
but if I am watching, you'll have no where to rest your well-traveled head
But in my seductive grin
I am too an old trick
But I stand closest to the cauldron
Stirring green the ocean
To make way for that final moment
When the flame burns cold in the winter frozen solstice;
The waves come crashing to the coasts
Coming for my broken souls
With a gleaming smile for all their sorrows
Taking off into tomorrow
With a calmed, relieved breath
Reliving the scenes on an endless landscape
Now, in compassionate presence
Because after all,
Can't have nothing without 'how'
How: being everything that has ever been conceived of.
So, what have You left out?
You've become ignorant of your own shining features
Forgotten feathers from a bow
Lost your inner voice in the mirror glow
All along Zephyr without, you've lived as a pestilence to others and yourself...
And now, its time for show
Up close and personal
Bath in all the choices ever dreamed of; and burn with a rosy glow
Opened-close a shut case
Without remorse or concern or thirst,
Because all this, will soon be Unearthed

Trudge home
All alone
Can’t condone
What I feel inside
Can’t abide
What constitutes
My whole
My soul
My hope for
What is to come
What is to some
Their whole life
An allergy
An allegory
Of their whole existence
Their whole subsistence
In the long drawn-
Out years
Rolled out in front
Of you.
Dispensed
In time
A specious crime
Tempted to make
Tempted to sate
Your long lost dreams
That have been
Lent out
To someone new
To someone younger
Than you
And you are left
Empty
Left plenty
Of something?
Nothing
No excitement
No enticement
To that glistening,
Mist revealing path
No mirror reflection
Of your past
That blasted
And opened your eyes
To the addictions
To the fiction
In their bodies,
The illnesses
Created by God
As a folly
To our greed,
As a folly
To their seed
That created
A new psychosis
Ripping through
Bulldozing anything true
The crimes of insanity
Crimes of humanity:
Rapes, murder, assault
.
These are the genes
I wear
That have
Teared
Through my heart
Left at its core
A lust
For stardom
For brilliance
To save the world
To help wrap-up
Those curled-
Up within their
Beaten bodies
To help those
Whose
Luck turned
Inside out
Had cast a doubt
All this
Was my destiny
My reason
For being
For seeing
All the past
Destruction
Past obstruction
To happy
Functioning
Lives
But the poison
Has caught up
Within my brain
And drained
All the energy
Away
Paying
For the transparent
Sins of my past.
In my dark
Hooded cloak,
Soaked
Through
To my
Weary bones
Feet scraping
Across
The ground,
I trudge home.

There is a shadow that fallows me
The shadows have taken all that come near me
for I live in the dark
where once I dwelled in the light
the darkness that lived inside me
has now become me
there is a lust for blood,
a fury that nothing can sate
this darkness that was once a shadow
is now the fangs of midnights unholy creature
a changeling that takes the form of everything and nothing
both corporeal and at the same time a incorporeal mist
tearing into me, ripping my flesh from my body
as it eats my liver and devours my heart
there is nothing I can do but still I fight
with hands that have turned to claws
and teeth that tear bite more beast than human
I fight the living dead and the dead that are living
I feel only rage blood lust and fire dwell in my eyes
I was born in the light and there I once dwelled
Now I live in the dark
For I have been reborn
Born in darkness
I
am
the
Shadow
Born

I am woman, hear me cry
With bloodcurdling screams as I slowly die
Pulled down into sadness, I travel due south
With no hopeful words to spew from my mouth
Buried deep within my shell
I torture myself within my own hell
Of self-loathing deeds, I wilt before I bloom
Fading away in my own world of gloom
I take a little pill and travel due north
To wash away the tears and push myself forth
I am Bipolar, see my moods shift
From melancholy to euphoric, I am whip-lashed in the rift

And from the battlefield so does he emerge.
Beaten blood stains his memories.
Such beathy in destruction apon the devils backbone
such powers converge.
Bodies gather tossed into a heap.
he's silent even in his thoughts.
For the madness to one's self is better to keep.
Dying moments at a time.
the field may change death is the same.
Where humans are numbers with a toll
up the ladder he does climb.
The honest view over shadows the
ignorant few.
Tortured are the memories trapped inside.
Cold steel to which tonight he does confide.
Blood stainded bages how they do gleam.
After years of the twisted vision.
No side has to be right it does seem.
The blood is embedded in his very soul.
No matter the side.
The the memorie alone takes it's toll.
Often we recall alone we regret.
nightmares creep into are waking hours.
So is the victem of the memory forwhich you cannot forget.

I Knew Someone Who Was Ready to “End It All!”
I knew of someone who just wanted “to end it.”
Giving up on life, and did not want to “defend it.”
It was a heart wrenching and difficult situation.
He said what he wanted to, with no explanation!
I could see his face and the sad look in his eyes!
What he was going to do next, was anyone’s surprise.
He turned to drugs and encountered addictions.
With this brought much disease and afflictions!
He gave up on the wonderful family that was given.
And turned to a pretty wild and crazy way of livin’!
I told him about a God who loves him very deeply.
As he listened, he began to grow restless and weary.
I reached for his hand and began to pray for God’s power!
It was a miracle! The blood of Jesus changed him that hour!
The spirit of God brought healing and hope to his body!
He was so excited! He rushed out to tell everybody!
The “end” that he wanted, seemed to just fade away!
For the son of the living God, changed him this day!
The glory of God, and the power of Jesus’ resurrection…
Changed him! And got him going in a NEW direction!
He’s so thankful for the blood of Christ’ atonement!
And is a different person now, because of that moment!
This same Jesus loves and can do the same for YOU!
Through the problems of life…
He will see you through!
By Jim Pemberton

Darkened clouds overshadowed me
Insults dropped like rain, My
Thick layer emerged
There are times when people are at
their worst and they do all they can
to make you just as miserable as
them ,don't let them...Just smile
and put on your Thick Layer.

"No." She whispered before drowning into her sorrows.
Her life had been a simple happy one.
There were no pains and no troubles.
Life was life and people were people.
Life was simple.
and life was all about tomorrows.
Life didn't know about sorrows.
Her sorrows.
Those same sorrows that she drowned in never existed.
They were never there, but where?
First to be sad in the naive town of joy.
Sorrow became contagious and what was known as happiness no longer was there.
It was non-exististent.
A meager thought
and a blessed memory.
She tried and tried.
She failed and failed.
Life was no longer hers.
For Pain was her only possession.
Her curse.
She lived and she died.
Yet, her legacy was passed on.
Never was it gone.
"No." She whispered before drowning in her sorrows,
"Save them."

New onset seizure,
Syncopal episode – hmmmm
Psychogenic origins?
Regardless of that
I paid the price in full,
Although I’m grateful
That bitten tongue
And broken bone
Were not on sale today
Pain has painted my
Body black
And stuffed my nerves
With tar
I feel too thick in it
To move
Maybe tonight I’ll
Swim in dreams
Of darkest India inks

I stole her away…
That was no innocent child
She was full of wisdom I would never attain,
That not even a martyr of a thousand years could ever dream of
I stole her away….
Because she was never mine
Just as my wife was never mine,
That child was never mine
I can still see the look of confusion in my wife’s eyes
That baby knew everything within that stare
She knew everything and more
She knew more than was physically possible,
In her little time on earth
So I stole her away…
I kept her from growing…
I keep her…in here!!!
She listens to my lies
Though somehow she sees right through them
She finds truth in the ugly…the damned…
With surpassing intelligence
The truth has many eyes, many ears
The truth need only taste once
Then it has to hit and run
The taxi driver knocked me out,
But before I was hit,
He saw the loose shell in my arms
He saw that she was not looking at anyone
He saw a stupid, innocent child
She was looking at the ceiling,
Fascinated by its insignificance
She didn’t cry out,
No matter how hard I thrashed
One second I missed that terrible stranger
But the memory has seared into me a hate that will never fade…
She didn’t move at allI woke up and was childless. I lost everything, I dully knew. Sometimes I am haunted by the baby’s gaze…but she is not looking at me. She is looking at everyone else—all of those who I have hurt and ruined, all of those I have yet to know.
The sad thing is, I never imagine my child looking down from sky paradise…I always picture her as I last saw her…looking up.

My head fills with words of pain and sorrow
But comes the dawn with hope of the morrow
And the private tortures haunting my dreams
Dissolve until all is not as it seems
These words in my head, as I start to write
Are supposed to be black, but turn out white
Instead of the angst, from being apart
I sing of the love that is in my heart
Maybe anxious poetry’s just not me
Perhaps that’s not what I want you to see
Nature and romance come more easily
Instead of the words I want to set free
So remember sometimes, these words will hide
Those caged ones that are burning deep inside ~

We started off friends
There was something more
We knew better then to open that door
Came so close just a breath away
We knew if it was meant it would happen
Just not that day
And now you live so far away
O the ways we used to play
Makes me miss the good ol days
But the good days are now not then
We can hardly remember when
You love her and I love him
Will we ever commit that sin
Taste each others salty skin
Will the temptation ever win
Back then was a trying time
Both in your life and in mine
Our paths seperated on a dime
We kept on living knowing we would be fine
Now questions come up and get me thinking
Since we parted are we sinking
If we met up now after years gone by
Would we still tingle deep inside
Could you then look me in the eyes
Even though she is to be your bride
Will there be feelings we must deny
Cause I too am with another guy
I cant help but wonder why
So many things in life can make you cry
All I can do is look to the sky
And ask my questions till the day I die

Room with a View
by Amy Swanson 12/2008
~ Written for someone dear to me ~
She sits alone
this quiet room
feels so empty
echoes her quiet scream.
She barely catches
just a glimpse
of one lonely tree branch
it seems to mock her;
Saying, see,
I am alone
but I am free
and you are not.
Why did life
turn out this way?
Why is it so difficult
just to live?
Hot tears fall down;
she silently prays
that God will somehow rescue her
from this place.
The hours go by;
days and minutes
all turn into months
and years -
At times it seems unbearable
where did the time go?
Where did life go?
joys exchanged for fears
She sighs so deep
within her spirit
just another day -
they are all the same.
But she is resigned
to this hollow existence
weary silence
in this room with a view.

We are as we do and nothing more
A meter of hope
A cry to the wicked
Soldiers march to the heartstrings of war
Madness broken by human will
Human nature broken by the insanity of repetition
Millions die for the sake of statistics
Hungry souls devour what they're given
Politicians speak of equality
Some are shot for the sake of truth... and secrecy
The sorrow of our cycle speaks volumes to the children who live in today
We are as we do and nothing less
(Entered in the conest: Politically Educated, Christopher Stones)

I beg your forgiveness for I am not long for this world. Happenstance has led me down this path so crooked and forlorn. Misery has preceded my path and darkened my senses all but torn. Mistakes have illuminated my way though their light be a fallacy; an illusion to comfort a tortured mind, riddled with confusion and false fancy. ‘Tis only just to forgive me sisters, I am not long for this world.
An image wreaks havoc with my memory. A picture so horrendous the effects of its trauma echo through the hallways of time. The sight that for all my life I was so grateful to possess, leads me now to curse what gods may be that granted it me. For surely had I never seen the sight of him, cold and lifeless, I would have eventually endeavoured to be healed in my spirit. The fault is mine; it was never him but I that had the capacity to change. ‘Tis only right to forgive me father, I am not long for this world.
My middle name should rather have been disappointment. That is all I have ever delivered to her who brought me into the world and nurtured an infant into a lady. I call her Gaia, that is her spirit name. My existence has put lines on her face prematurely and caused her to despair time and time again. The audacity of me now to leave this earth without ever having produced for her a grandchild. The insolence of leaving only words to counter the preponderance of condolences from rejoicing enemies that shall now assail and abuse her. My soul is repentant, twas never the intent to hurt your heart dear Gaia. ; Tis only compassionate to forgive me mother, I am not long for this world.
As for the empty future that awaits me. No children to carry on the memory of me. No great achievements to render my life the content of legend. No great works to immortalise me in poem and prose. No others to mourn the passing of a life most unremarkable. Nothing but things, regrettable decisions, words left unsaid and the cold sound of silence to mark that most auspicious event. Death finds me waiting and unafraid with only the last words to pass from these lips; ‘tis only fair to forgive me self, for we are not long for this world.

Has America’s spirit strayed off the trail?
Have we found what’s in every canyon
Or have we failed?
Will we let the bad guys win and try no more?
See Lady Liberty as something
To just deplore?
Have we seen the elephant grow soft and weak
As the donkey only sits and brays,
But does not speak
Or see the wild anger in our horse’s eyes
As they promise us those gold cities
And tell more lies.
America has strayed too far off the trail—
We wait a great judgment from the West
Cloaked in black veil.

Check clock
A white light burst expanding across the sheet
Blue ruled lines blur to nothing
Clear against the paper.
I can’t see them, or the graphite symbols
But I know they are there.
I wrote them
Another failed attempt at grasping attention.
The professor’s voice cuts through the moment
High pitched, harmonious
Her accent harmonizing the mathematical enlightenment
A series of statements strung together
Punctuated by silences
An expectation of some sort of outpouring of understanding.
After a pause, she resumes
Leaving another potential for exposure averted for now.
The green marker fades against the white board
It is also putting forth a minimal effort.
The chapter and section offer a temporal landmark
A quantifiable measurement of how far I am behind.
Another pause
Silence
She gazes across the board
A battlefield of green example problems and red functions
Even she is confused by the carnage.
A mathematical expression lays stunned
But not dead
Suddenly, a light flickers, shining from behind her eyes
A moment of triumph.
She resumes, renewed
While I fade farther into the back
Attempting to become one with the off beige wall.
My mind is blank, almost clear
So much so that I can feel the blood rush through my veins
I try to trace a single cell through my body
But I realize I don’t remember that much detail on the circulatory system.
My adventure aborted, my gaze returns to the clock
Check clock
I am only interested in a line of pi, 180°
As in 6:45pm
Time to leave.

If i held you apon the ledge would fear
ever drift into your heart.
Waves crash below salt kisses the wind.
Far from this madness we do depart.
The storm outside brings it's cold
casting doubts with fear.
ligthing flashes giving light to useen places.
Thunder crashes you question the voices you hear.
locked behind doors kept in a wooden box atop
the fire place.
He removes the mask
To reveal only to the darkness his true face.
Within the flames exists the ash of
my troubled past.
Ripped sails.
Dreams of light cant exist under skies overcast.
A single moment can be the breaking straw.
Whats left of the lion.
does reside in the cats paw.
A ghost to these sheets this
bed I no longer haunt.
A waltz at a forgotten balll.
Underneath the arm of another was it only to flaunt.
Dark circles under eyes.
Trapped in this hell I despise.
the midnightoil burnt on through the day.
Love conseals a promise that your heart does betray.
Echo's in darkness
to all but strangers I do confide.
Bleeding within in the emptyness my
true self does reside.

Goodbye Dear Child
We will see you again
We will love and pray for you
Each night until then
Please find it in your heart
To forgive your mothers
Blasphemous heart
Please forgive her
For believing in “Pro-Choice”
For taking away your voice
She knows not what she has done
In this decision no one has won
Words can’t begin to describe
All the pain she's in
Saying she's sorry
Won’t wipe away her sin
For her decision she surely pay's
She surely pay's each and every day
Goodbye for now dear child
We will see you again
We will Love and Pray for you
Each day until then…
Lay

Rukan your fur radiates the Silver Light
That illuminates the Darkness, guiding me a to the trace
The paths that Darkness has not yet taken
those that still hold light in their earthen veins
Burning hotter than a dragon’s flame
the light Guards
Against darkness that seeks to devour me
and has claimed my foes who use Darkness
to try and make me succumb to the Dark
Darkness
Cannot penetrate the Shield of Silver Light
That you wield so deftly
And it serves as a forewarning of the coming of my foes
Your claws and fangs are with me in the melee
And in my dreams all the teachers guard my mind
If only you all could protect me during my waking hours
For we are fighting for the right to live and so we kill
The fight against the dark and those who claim
allegiance to its nefarious master
never ends much to my despair
Darkness Rages forevermore
without you at my side
I would not survive this

I have fallen into a very deep well
Where darkness and despair do dwell.
There's slime and mildew on the wall
How I got here...I don't recall.
Somewhere I hear water trickle
The sky above, no bigger than a nickle.
For when you're in a well so deep
All you do is sit and weep.
You wear the darkness like a cloak
Touch the pieces of a life that broke.
You and the darkness become as one
There are no reasons left to run.
Up there people are having fun
Loving and laughing in the sun.
They do not hear my inner plea
Do not see the cold in me.
As the walls pull closer still
Somber memories my heart do fill.
For in this well I cannot win
You see the darkness...is within.
So I curl up very tight
Await the passing of this night.
Maybe in the early dawn
I again will be reborn.
This poem inspired by a book that I read. Clinical depression is a devastating
and often misunderstood disease. HB

With open arms
And staring wryly
A curve on the lips,
I relish catastrophy.
The turmoil you see,
The bizzare irony;
These are just...
My accomplices really.
They say I choose
To embrace agony
When the rest crashes down...
Where else could I be?

Winter is also celibate. The conscience is moving,
A frozen light in a frozen eye. It's raining much looser,
Down a ripped tree. I couldn't have,
I couldn't have, in this sin-sick tenderness.
___
My face is cracked in my fawnlike fingers;
And the nose betrays an inner child, who
Wouldn't listen to sparrows about being catched.
I just insisted fur was wings.
___
The feminine chill on the palm must be sorrow;
When I think of church bells, or mother-
That I am haunting as raw love.

I Cried Today
I am thirteen today
You would think I would be happy
Yet it is hard to even crack a smile
With everyone wishing me a Happy Birthday
To me it’s not that happy
As today strange voices carrying on inside me
They say I don’t deserve to live
They say I should die
I am thirteen and
I Cried Today
My sweet sixteen isn’t so sweet
I just want to hide
Go back to sleep
Or simply disappear
What is a girl to do?
When she feels so sad, lonely and depressed
I don’t even have anyone to turn to
I am sixteen and
I Cried Today
Today I am nineteen
It is my graduation day
And while I am smiling on the outside
I feel like I am crumbling on the inside
Those voices don’t give
Never a break
No rest for the wicked they say
I am nineteen and
Today I Cried
I am twenty-one
No drinking for me
I am in a hospital as my first sip was almost my last
Who knew I could be so allergic
I am twenty-one
In a hospital and
I Cried Today
I am twenty-five
I thought I was in love
Until I walked in on my fiancé
In bed with my best friend
My heart feels so cold
I am so alone
As my world has just turned upside down
I am twenty-five and
I Cried Today
I am thirty
I am working hard
To get back my life
Take control of my future
And actually see the possibilities of a tomorrow
It is a lot of work
With a hard road ahead
I am Thirty
I Never Cried Today
I am thirty-four
In a few short months I will be thirty-five
I am not alone
I realize I never was
Surrounded by people I love
People who love me
Married to the love of my life
My dreams are coming true
I feel so happy
I am almost thirty-five and
I Smiled Today
By: Jean Shular

I want to drown my urge to die
I want to kill my pulse inside
I can't breathe, I'm paranoid
Everything in life I avoid
Don't speak to me, I'll look away
Inside my eyes is just decay
I'm already dead, but have yet to die
Why do I keep my body alive
My soul is dead, eyes are lies
So is the smile I hide behind
Pull the plug, I'm a fake
In a nightmare and I cannot wake
Drown me! I'm flooded in pain
Please help me regain
Some peace, some rest
I want to die to live again
Set me free
Slitting my wrists isn't working
The more stares I get
The more I become numb
I just need to be gone
Eliminate my pain,
I'm already out of breath
Suffocating on my hopelessness
Every day I am alive
But I'm craving to die inside
Curved smile because your so naive
You think I'm happy
Yet I'm being crushed
My head is overflowing
With these thoughts that are too much
One word, suicide
Sparks a light inside of my eyes
I don't want to pretend to live
Let me go, flood me in sin
There is where I want to swim
Six feet under the ground
Don't be selfish
And keep me in pain
To tourture my lifeless body again
Let my body float soundly
Rushing water, ocean salt
I promise I won't feel it at all.
End it, hold me under
Then bury me so I can slumber
Goodbye lifeless eyes
As I'm dying I'll be coming alive
Haunting images
Deleted from my mind
Laughing
As I leave this world behind
Water
Floods my lungs
Death
Leans in for a kiss
Together we sink into insanity
And drown in infinitys abyss.

Trees still shade the road
where Gramps and I once rode
in his old green car -- I drove --
on dusky early evenings
in my fifteenth year.
We stopped, as he insisted, at every spot
where an armadillo scratched
among the tender greenery
in ditches.
I was dispatched,
with Gramps' strong wood cane,
to kill a pesky armored creature
by striking hard, once, upon its snout.
Gramps waited in the car,
called encouragement or condemnation:
"That's it! Hit him hard!" or
"Can't you do a damn thing right?"
He knew I didn't like to kill
but was determined to toughen up
my softness.
That hard old man was not accustomed
to being crossed or contradicted.
But part of him was tender,
and he had a sense of what was right
in the bayou country of his day.
How could I tell him that I hated
killing just to please him?
Often, I killed, then killed again,
although, at times, I'd miss the snout
or be slow to follow up,
and permit an armadillo to escape.
Sometimes, I'd temper force with moderation --
I'd stun the creature, grab the tail,
fling it far into dense bushes
to revive and live another day.
My grandfather eyed me darkly then,
but often kept his peace.
He gave me the treatment
I gave those stunned armadillos.
Could he have felt the same
toward me as I toward them?

Nights move like a forgotten ghost unwanted by all.
A vision unseen to all but one.
Down damp streets he haunts the same path every night just befor the dawn.
The empty hearts gather to drown togther in the sea.
Togther feeling so very alone.
Can we cast shadows in the darkness project happiness in such gloom to return the same
old haunts again and again.
A wheel rolling without question.
On into the emptyness of my night.
Waitting for a return that never will be.
Cursing the problem never understanding it was her and me.
As the dream turn to the drunk.
The painter paints no longer sunsets but
Nights and his thoughts of blue to gray.
Warmth in the darker corners gives a view to
the young and the still hopefull.
Tiping my half empty glass I wish them to never know pain.
Finding a home with other empty hearts caught.
In dirty sheets im haunted by the ghost of my
former self.
A puddle stepped in cast waves of reflected neon light.
As we play a roll unknown to all
At typewritter I sit.
Listening to To the bar and bottles clatter men and women's
laughter and soon forgotten fight.
Yerning to be free so is the emptyness of my night.

You are not the man, you want to be
You said you were my Father, till, I discovered different
Enduring, daily beatings
Bashing the living day lights, out of a woman and a child
Repetitive, bad ass attitude, nasty streak
Mean and aggressive!
Fists, knives and guns, your weapons of chose
Out of control, abusive, devious
Relentless, over – bearing!
Breaking me, piece by piece
Confusing a child, with unhealthy love
Hand fed your bullshit, brain washed
Using me as your human, punching bag
This innocent child’s blood, staining your callas hands
My child’s curiosity, asking you one day
“Why do you hurt me and Mum?”
Your retort: “I am not your blood!”
I didn't understand, back then
Now, as an adult, I clearly understand!
Believe me, when I say
There was never a day that went past
That you didn't remind me of that!
My freedom, restrained
My sanity, tested
Caged, like a wild bird in captivity
Behind bars, looking out
Here, I am today, free from your grip
Nursing, this inner child’s, bleeding love

It is dark and night outside my window,
and in the soundless, lit confines of my
room I sit at my old, ivory desk
cheerless
and anxious with dread for what the rest
of another night may bring.
My ostomy bag, an abhorrent creature that
hugs precariously on one side of my abdomen,
covers my raw and fleshy stoma underneath.
Against my desire, the stoma continually oozes
feces and waste
like a sewer into the ostomy bag, which,
every seven days or so ruptures its seal
and transforms into
a stinking and rancid cabbage
whose fetid odor refuses to stop emanating
until the entire, offensive beast is immediately
uprooted from my body.
So, I sit at my ancient, ivory desk, writing
these cherry-picked words to express
the anxiety and the doldrums
of another night;
and the lonely, isolating, embarrassing, humiliating,
ego-wiping, self-esteem killing, mind-numbing,
soul-shattering, universal, all-embracing,
omni-present
stench
that weekly offends my nostrils and fills my lungs
because of a thoroughly used-up ostomy bag that
needs to be removed immediately
like an old, decaying vegetable
that has outlived its
freshness--
It is another cheerless night in the same, old
cheerless space:
the nose-blistering smell, however, is only for
another night...

My gentle tongue,
Loosely professes my sorrow
Aches and pain fill my body daily
My warm soul,
Speaks words of love and loss of reality
For my love has gone astray and left me lonely
My crooked feet,
Walk the floors of insanity
And leaves footprints in vain
My scarred arms,
Curdle up with coldness
Shivering like a dope fiend
My friendly heart,
Talks to me daily
Offers guidance and strength
My bare ears,
Hear words, Words that are not spoken
Paranoia steps in
My youthful mind,
Wonders through and through
Disconnected from the world outside
My fruitful body,
Seeks pleasure, In the midst of another
To ignite that fire that burns within me
My glossy eyes,
See vengeance and anger
For those that accused and slandered me
My inner child,
Is speaking out,
Speaking out loudly for me
My sense of life,
Slowly deteriorates
Like a drunk that can't tell the time of day
My thought of love,
Increasingly escapes
For happiness is not meant to be, Least not for me
My lonely nose,
Smells death , Lurking in the dark
Carrying the scent of flesh and loss of life
My greatest fear,
Of change, Keeps me bound
Afraid to breathe , This breath of life
I feel like a zombie, Walking the floor
Of a lifeless earth, Knocking on enemy's door
Open up, Here I am...

In a room filled with a solitary red hue
The bourgeois spins a wheel
With no destination, nor need
She will spin until her brittle Hands bleed
Just to satisfy her ennui and artifice
But she does not see - the rien I see
The monster approaching her empty dreams
Spinning still - she does not know
The insomniac rose will begin to grow
The thorn of clandestine and ebony
Ostracized for he began to realize
What lies in nonsense is decadence
Which sparks interest
Who's lover is a dadaist
But his story is over now
As Seth lead the way
A poet dies in dismay
The thorn as she spun penetrated
A distraction and a lack of action
She knew the temptation for she so loved the sensation
Of crass, rebellious - ways
The thought laid it's seed
In her Gaulish mind it breeds
She has no other need and no regrets
So she proceeds and the smile lets
With full intention and desire
Caring none of her fate that will transpire
She presses her finger on the thorn
So now she bleeds knowingly
she did not recede

What suggestive simile has mould,
Its choice of residence could not be sweeter planned;
Such a perfect timed embrace,
Embedded in the papers flattering embroidery -
So fitting of analogy.
Growing down the wall each day,
A sickly, ill debauchery;
but yet, it still amazes me.
How it painted such a life-like portrait,
How deliberate it seems to be.
So what of it’s reflective study
Should I now consider?
What of your depiction
Mould -
What are you trying to tell me?

Onion skin pages and empty windows
Repel us as much as attract—
Possess brief images locked fast in place—
Memory melded in faded photographs of thought.
We are things we once were—
Frozen kaleidoscopes of dreams
Cupping eyes and pens so tightly,
Casting free flaxseeds of imagination.
Still, sepia leaves seem white-boned
And open windows let in absences.

Dreams are made of some fearful stuff,
And then again, some lollipops.
They bring us joy and they bring us pain,
As they hold us tightly in their reign.
Why can’t I guide them in my sleep?
And why don’t they resolve the issues they hold so deep?
They drive us crazy and then build us up…
Why oh why, won’t they just give up?
They show us our yearnings and of course our fears,
But why must we relive them and shed such tears?
They’re there for a purpose: THAT is abundantly clear…
But some are just memories burned deep, I fear.
I’m sure, some must be resolved first from without,
Before being removed from so deep, where they’ve set up shop.
They can’t be ignored and they can’t be gainsaid,
But with help we can take some of their power away.
Yes, they are there for a purpose of that I’m sure…
But I may never know why, as we endure.
Written: 8-1-2012

*~*
I sit -looking at the river gracefully bending
Flowing smoothly over moss covered rocks and stones
Measuring in endless time -my life
My loves, my losses
Posing my thoughts with unspoken words
Just me and the river...
Sitting all alone
I cry- my whetted, salty tears
Like the river weeping her warm liquid waves
Showering the earth with her promising shades of life
Breathing her liquid grace over all the lands she saves?
Yet…
I could not save us
My hungry heart hides my tears as I breathe in your image
Calling your name -whispering our story
And all the tender moments
Of our once remembered glory
With my thoughts softly weaving their dreams
I trace the memories of the sweetest fruit from the vine
Painting vivid pictures of warm candlelight and roses
That turned into a sad, bitter tasting wine
My grieving spirit hides the breeze that softly blows
Whispering in its low, hushed voice
My sad, lonely story…
That only I and the river know
Hiding my shattered heart
A bird...
With a broken wing
*~*

Would if I told you, You'd never see me again
Would if I told you, My life was about to end
Would if I told you, My final plea goodbye
There would be no more interruptions, no more discussions
And no more lies
Would if I told you, There's no way to live without you
Would if I told you, I never meant to overcrowd you
Would if I could hold you and make your troubles go away
Would if we could make love, Each and everyday
Would if I could sing you a beautiful love song
Would if we could just talk, And not argue who's right or wrong
Would if I wrote you, A passionate love letter
Would if I could snap my fingers, And make everything go better
Would if I was able, To massage your inner thoughts
Would you stop pretending you were perfect and had no faults
Would if I forgot , About you completely
Would if I forgave, All the ways you deceived me
Would if I made the effort , To change my attitude
Would if I told you, Your whole attire needs to improve
Would if we made a pact, To forget about the past
Can you tell me how long you honestly think that will last
Would if we tried hard , To make things work
Could we let go of the pain, All the suffering and the hurt
Would if I just walked out of your life
Would you ever acknowledge you even had a wife
Would if I decided, To take that drink with you
Take a sip right out the bottle, But what will it prove
Would if we started all over again
Would you be willing to try, For the sake of our kid
What would be the cost of a new beginning
Would all the pain be lost, Along with good memories
Is it really worth the price, Trying to find each other
To discover what we lost, Should have never be uncovered
Maybe it's time to wash away our tears
And remember all the golden moments
You and I shared.

"V~O~V"
IF I WERE GRANTED FORTUNE N' FAME...
THOSE WHO CONSIDER ME LIABILITY,WOULD ACKNOWLEDGE ME LOVED
TH' SPILLING OF MY BLOOD,MIGHT EVEN BRING A STITCH OF COMPASSION
I'D NEVER BE ALONE,'LESS I REQUESTED ME LET BE
COMPANY DOES NOT LOVE MISERY,SO NOW I'M KEPT AT A DISTANCE
ALL I EVER WANTED OUT OF LIFE,WAS TO RECIEVE AS MUCH CARE AS I GIVE
BUT MOOT IS TH' FACT,THEY WANT ME OUT OF MIND N' VIEW
LITTLE IT IS KNOWN,OF TH' AFFLICTIONS I MUST ENDURE...FOR THEM
IF I WROUGHT MIRACLES AT WILL,TH' MEEK WOULD 'DEED RULE
SINS OF TH' SHAMELESS,WOULD ALL BE MADE KNOWN
A SILVER'D SCREEN OF TH' SKIES,WOULD DISPLAY THEIR DESECRATIONS
VICTIMS OF THEIR TRESSPASSES,WOULD DECIDE OF THEIR FATES
FAR FROM BEING PERFECT,I TOO...WOULD BE ASHAMED
BUT FOR SCARLET OF PAST BREACHINGS,I WOULD BEG FOR TH' BLANCHING
NEVER THAN LESS...THEIR WILL WOULD BE DONE
FOR FUTILE IS FORGIVENESS,IF NOT TRULY...
...IT IS WON
~AZAZA~'09

Gorging with impunity to fill an empty void
of hollow needs and guilty deeds that fester
unceasing, into fissures of a vacuous soul
searching, without finding a way to make it whole
Purging with obsession to cleanse a tarnished image
Of distorted ideals with unrealistic appeals that flaunt
False messages into unsuspecting circuits of the mind
Revolving endlessly without stopping to unwind
Binging with a ravenous urge to quell the anguish
of taunted jeers and unfounded fears of rejection
spinning uncontrollably without cause or reason
into fragmented notions and confused emotions
Repelling with compulsion to assuage the shame
Of inaccessible goals and lost controls that mock
Incessantly with bitterness that burns the wounds within
Disgorging undigested pieces of a broken whole

Sitting on a tranquil mountain top
as I do from time to time
looking down at the view before me
listening to the calming silence
to heal my battered soul
and clear my troubled mind.
I look down to the bottom
to remind me
of how far I have come
and where I used to be
The mountain only exists
in my imagination
but I go there when I need
when live's battles get too much
It heals and restores me
once more like before
free from
stress and anxiety.
Peter Dome.copyright.2012.

I'll never get over you
Even though our time was fast
Memories of you forever last
What you've been through has made me blue
Taking your younger sisters wasn't right
I had second thoughts from the first night
My wife did too
They were 4 and 6 while you were 9
We lied to ourselves that this was fine
We flew home leaving you behind
Adopting the other two while dismissing you
It's what we decided to do...
I'll never get over you!
Seven years have past
Constant thoughts of you persist
And now there's no way to dismiss
Or hide behind a smiling mask; don't even ask
The question that haunts me still
Why we settled for this unthinkable deal
I'm taking myself to task
That even though you're on my mind
Most every day and all the time
I've still never been enough inclined
To have more than two and come for you
It's what we decided to do...
I'll never get over you!
*Story of a family who went to Ukraine to adopt three children and chose to only come home with the two youngest. The now, 16 year old girl, told me the story of being coldly rejected for convenience sake and begged me to find her a loving family before she aged out of the orphan home. (The story is told through the guilty eyes of the adoptive father).
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A
Contest Name: Any Poem #21

Can this ever stop
The world is blacked by the lunar love
All the tides have gone undone
The seas beckon us with their rage
Will they ever calm
The mist covers our sight
The storm comes
Her eyes are the color of dyed blue
With her raven hair and crimson lips
She sleeps quietly waiting for the innocence of me
But I've already put her in vain
And tossed her aside
I've already condoned my belovéd
The desire was so much
I couldn't face it In the eyes
Forgetting the shame is just a
Another winless game
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
The moonbeams light up my pale face
I don't want to be seen
Banished from this world I'll ever be
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
I cry but the sun cant hear
Do I exist?
This eclipse took over
Now I'm left to face it all
Left in the dark where can we go
Lunar love is what we'll be
Lunar love is what we have
Fly away from the scene
The tides are blind from the madness
Even to the mountains they'll kiss
The storm is too much
The desire was so much
I couldn't face it In the eyes
Forgetting the shame is just a
Another winless game
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
Lunar love is what we'll be
Lunar love is what we have
The moonbeams light up my pale face
I don't want to be seen
Banished from this world I'll ever be
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
The ghosts are tangled in my dreams
They play with what was meant to be forgotten
But I know there must be a away
To find the closure
But so lost are we
So lost I've been
Save yourself from the downfall
How close are we to the edge
This is what the rage has done
This is what the sin has done
The desire was so much
I couldn't face it In the eyes
Forgetting the shame is just a
Another winless game
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
The moonbeams light up my pale face
I don't want to be seen
Banished from this world I'll ever be
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
Lunar love is what we'll be
Lunar love is what we have
Forgetting the shame is just a
Another winless game

The Diamond in the rough has been lost in the masses of panicked flesh
He looks through the eyes of the unnoticed,
He thinks with the questioning of his being,
He only looks to escape the day
The Diamond in the rough only leaves in the night
bereft of joy he entraps his plight
He makes music alone waiting for pain to escape
he looks in the mirror and cries at his face
the Diamond in the rough he's escaped far away
He's tired of the masses he sticks to like clay
He walks the silk plains and travels alone,he's severed all contact with his past and his home
His potential may be realized and maybe it won't
He writes in his soul what his eyes have absorbed
They hear it and like it but they always want more
His soul's been exchanged by demons in suits
For MTV slots, platinum plaques,drugs,sex, and a bust in a room
The Diamond in the rough,no longer there lies
but he's had enough he's decided to fly
The fame and the fortune has darkened his day
It's tragic, but masses proclaim him cliche'
He knew they would view him as weak,and then scared
Nothing else mattered he was always prepared
He couldn't fear fear any longer inside
Alone in a tower a diamond he died

Was thinking long and hard about giving up writing.
Convinced myself that I'm a quitter and there's no sense in fighting
To keep the only thing that kept me far from the edge
But I can't pretend.
Pretend that it isn't my Fortress of Solitude
That's honoured me with solemn servitude.
That it hasn't helped put me to rest, thought and mind,
By accepting the past on paper and keeping it close behind.
I was thinking logically and analytically
Because it seems to be the only thing I'm good at.
Thinking about everything I've seen and everyone I've fought to keep,
They're all gone now, only to be found in memories.
They say Poets and Artists are the architects of Heaven
And only they know it's the hardest when no one buys what they're selling.
No one wants to listen and no one wants to see
Because everyone's so sure of what you're supposed to be.
But what are you supposed to do when you've dedicated your life to understanding?
When you can empathize with your brother, but your own sight you can't stand it.
When you feel that there's a missing piece and so the wholes hurting.
Swim out long past the reef and any safety that you keep to do some soul searching.
Days and months fighting fears, love and tears, digging the hard soil.
Only to find that missing piece you desperately seek is hidden deep beneath.
When you've found the straw that broke the Camels back
Only to find there's a million more underneath.
What are you supposed to do when you follow the chains
Long past the plains in hopes to break the link.
Kill the ties that bind and have held you for so long,
Only to find there is no ball, you were free all along.
And in your days of darkness with no life to sip or sup
All the hands around your back were never meant to keep you up
And all of those who have kept you down will fight to keep you dancing to their beat.
Any impenetrable man once stabbed in the heart, will crumble with defeat.

A ghost apparition under glowing wreath
scattered sounds from a falling leaf
see spirits wander under rainy sheath
this real haunting from the world underneath
nothing remains but bone and teeth
all that is left of them to bequeath
dried up to dust and the thirsting heath
what lies beyond in the world underneath.
www.insiderealhauntings.com

My sad, deplorable glory is a nightmare for another
This knowing is sickening to the bone
The need for anothers' pain is like a virus
Slitting the veins of truth and delirious want of false
Watching the bile flow through
I emptied a full, sorrowful glass for you
Without even a moment’s glance
Your parched lips opened to drink
But like poison the sustainable exhalation surrounded your body
I shrank at the shrieks of your disquietude
Not knowing what to do
Expression died with the loss of flow
I couldn’t flourish in the bleak winters of your loss
I couldn’t grow
All happiness in a flash of susceptibility
Turned to woe
I gave into thinking it was all an unworthy dream
But the answers, the symbolism was never clear
The loss of your very soul is what I fear
I never meant to poison you in what I take as nourishment
And here now you rot
At the expense of these sad, empty tunes
They must mean close to nothing to you
Pain
Pain
Why do I revolve around the pain?
The empty glass of your spirits remains stained
With the insides of all things true
Torn away
Smothered in a ghostly, ghastly gore
I couldn’t see you could not take it
The sorrow I meant to erase to fake it
But instead make it
The reason I live is to sing for you
To disintegrate the swelling blue
But instead I crawled into your only space
Leaving only disgrace
The gore splattering in jewels across your face
I’ll tell you what
All my achievements are naught
They are only fakes
I am nothing without God’s grace
I spurt with illegitimate words and tunes
That you can never face!
As if by the heaven I inspired
I am drunken with your bile
Of pride risen above the mile
What is this sadness—
This anger, this madness?
Show me what to do
Show me what to say
I’ll dispose of all vagaries I dared to feel today
And replace it with pain
Replace it with pain
Discordance from another is my nightmare smothered
And this the majority crave
The need—the desire for acknowledgement
We will take it to the grave
I never wanted heartless fame
A poison in a cup
I never wanted anything
Only to fill you up
I poured the glass and there it came
Just sad, tired air
Nothing left to give you
Not even the sentiment of a stare
The truth is I am scared
The truth is I am scared
I guess, at times we are all. . .
Not there
7/13/13

Lack of perspective
on a burdensome life
leaves us in pieces
near a sharpened, slick knife.
Smashing heads yet again,
to the wall I beat mine,
trying to break through
to our friendship in time.
My appearance lacks
motivation and heart,
locked away in my mind,
I am falling apart.
I don't treat such a treasure
like one should be loved,
stopped giving time of day to
my friend from above.
Care too much
and stow it all away,
making it look like I don't care
whether you leave me or stay.
A painful gut feeling may
nibble at my gray heart,
but I just fear the truth
and I don't know where to start.

I'm Always Around
by BJ Welsh
I'm not near, but I'm really not so far
If you look up I'll be the brightest star
Looking down upon God's project earth
Watching and waiting for a rebirth
When you speak I will always listen
My points will seem to shine and glisten
Giving you guidance when things seem tough
Steady now it may be rough
When we meet again someday
Be it there or far away
I'm here for now and always will
Never escaping, did you feel that chill?
My spirit wind brushed by your side
Or the soft, gentle wave pushed by the sea tide
When we meet again someday
Be it there or far away
You've given me hope and reason to breath
It's not yet time for me to leave
I'm that fluttering seagull upon the sands
Maybe I'm the reason for you to dance
When we meet again someday
Be it near or far away

Politics consistent
With moral corruption
Religion at best
Breeding dysfunction
Churches pristine
On every corner
While homeless abound
Where is the honor?
The rich at ease
Out at play
The poverty-stricken
Know only dismay
The wealthy feast
Indulge in the finest
The destitute and poor
Haven't the slightest
Crime well known
On America's streets
Violence in action
With every heart beat
Victims seek justice
Where has she gone?
Is she hog-tied
In somebody's trunk?
Political correctness
To drastic extremes
No longer can one
Express their beliefs
America, take credit
For progression ingenius
But also acknowledge
The brink of madness
We rightfully know
There is a fine line
Between the two
We just can't deny
It seems we're crossing
Into that dimension
With each passing day
Without apprehension
Camille Rose Castillo
Note*
Although I love my country and do acknowledge it can never be perfect, I believe it can be less flawed.

The Dark Half…
Demons trapped inside of me
Released for the world to see
Awakened from their life-long slumber
At last they’ve been set free
My inner rage is the fire that fuels me
My anger seethes from every pore
No longer caged, my desire will rule me
A bloodlust to even the score
I am only half the monster being a man has made me
The other half is like a forgotten dream
Half the monster being a man has made me
The dark half that you now see…
I feel a rage like I’ve never felt before
To inflict pain in a way that cannot be forgotten
Years of suffering over, ended once and for all
Laid to rest with the bodies of those I’ll leave for dead
Call my name and in my own grave you’ll find me
Spark to flame I will rise as you are falling
I can’t explain, not in words but in violent actions
Uncontrolled, exacting vengeance while slowly killing myself
I am only half the monster that being a man has made me
The other half is a forgotten dream
Half the monster being a man has made me
The dark half that you now see…
…In a reflection of the world around me,
I have become all that I have seen,
At times, that which I most despise…
The dark half that lives in me.

Another year of poverty and grief
To stand on welfare lines for dough
To beg the government, the biggest thief
For what I deserve, and what they owe
I can laugh and cry at the drop of a dime
This isn’t the life I was meant to live
And feeling hope is a waste of time
When I used up all I had left to give
I wish Kutcher could say “you’ve just been Punk'd”
And Murry could tell me “Trump is your father”
If life is a school, I’ve surely flunked
And I’m wondering why I even bother
Can’t off myself either, I’d die with regrets
Ten thousand dollars is the Reaper’s fee
It’ll only add to my parent’s debts
Because nothing in life or death is free
Go on and shrink my masochistic brain
Nothing cures poverty like an addiction to pills
Replace my love for self-sabotaging pain
With a dependence on numbing refills
Money can buy the happiness I need
So like a starving dog, I beg and yelp
I ask God for money, but not out of greed
But because it’s the only thing that can help
New panic attacks set in for ‘09
No job, no money, no cure for my fear
Just another day to pretend that I’m fine
It’s just another happy new year

Once you've lost love,
loving is never the same thereafter.
You'll cherish more your laughter,
you'll think differently when you see a man,
his looks will go through you like a bullet through your heart.

There’s a chemical factory upon my face
I have lines and spots I need to erase
I mix elixirs and daily apply
The aging process I cannot deny
I have marks and wrinkles and sagging skin
The lines increase and I can’t seem to win
Freckles increase and begin to align
Like routes on a map – I’ve lived a long time!
I sunblock, peel, use Oils of Olay
I moisten and cream my parts – every day
I shave and massage, apply hot face oil
It’s my avocation; how hard I toil.
Silicone, botox, collagen from cows
Inject as much as my money allows
I need to move from my face to my legs
My veins mark muscles with little blue pegs
Choices are limited – laser? Saline?
The process somehow is getting obscene
I endure the pain as they inject
I need to recover my self respect!

It burns and it stings.
It hurts.
More than drowning beneath
the ice.
More than remaining in a
kindled flame
She hits and I no longer cry.
Why mother, why?
It burned and it stung.
The markings remained,
returned, and were relived
Looking, loving, and little
known loathing were the known
ways of living.
Never was their pity for the
child that cried
Never was their relief for the
child that tried
You were that lovely bird that
understood the complications of
felicity
Nothing looked the same in
those dewy browns of yours.
My everbeating would cry tears
of joy.
The others-they were yet to
appear.
Caring Mother, o' so fair
You were that beautiful bird
filled with care.
The others came and were not
alone. Their two suitors sat on
the throne.
Rampage and rage why did you
come?
I began to wither and wither
slumping along. So very soon I-
the child of fines- became a
human raceme.
The droops of the Lily of the
Valley became the slumping of
my heart.
My lovely bird the enemy had
taken you and the person you
were is far from near.
For that divine nature left its
intricate self and you became
irretrievable my big bird.
All of your fairness died.
With that went my pride.
Mother, Mother what moved
you so?
Your intense spirt vanished only
to supplement a monster.
Mother, Monster and your tar
filled lungs.
How did I kill that liver that was
so, so strong?
The lesson of pain was one you
came to learn.
My darling bird why did you
turn?
My lovely bird and your big
brown eyes
I'll tell you once, but never
twice.
Pain is only a flower for it
blooms and dies
And a mistake can be killed as
quickly as lice.
You dear bird hurt me well.
Though, haven't you heard?
Weakness is a souls greatest
strength.
You brought me up, then you
brought me down.
You haved helped, hurt, and
hindered my blazing spirit.
A hero in my heart-I left you
down in your deep black
slumber.
Escaping those terrible nights
To go for the town of delights.

As the night is consumed by crimson mist, I stand surrounded by all manner of nefarious foes, both human and demon, living and dead as I stand my eyes burn with draconic flame I feel the lust ,the lust for blood and vengeance revenge for their words and actions, chains and abuse their acid venom The blades they used that flayed my flesh from my body leaving me with bones and sinew leaving me raw not an inch of skin left to protect me
As I start toward my foes, consumed by blood lust and the flames of vengeance when wolves of silver rush in front of me and from the shadow of the wood a man and woman appear both handsome and lovely clad in white; from the black skies a wall of gold and black shimmering with light appear holding back my foes
In the air clad in gold and black scales emanating power a dragon comes and from the earth rises a sylph ,a cold wind blows as summer leafs and the scent of honey mix with the frigid air around us and two Fae one of the winter and one of the summer court come walking out of the wind
then dragon fire flames the barrier between me and my foes , the Fae speak in an unknown tongue immediately wind gathers gathering my foes in a tornado of such power that non could avoid the earth arose around the fury of the storm as the pair in white strode into the storm soon I heard not pain but moans of joy emanate inside wolves rushed in soon there came limbs flying from the maelstrom of power the dragon rose into the air above the magic’s of those around me soon the smell of burning flesh flooded my nose soon the carnage was over

Who hit it big: and who got snub!
The Oscar nomination is in
Who got snub and who won?
Would the world become a better place?
When a father can take his son to the park
Before dark without all gun fire;
Life can take us anywhere, but no matter where we go
Let pray that isn’t an outbreak of the flu,
To make us stay indoor with all the aches
and pain behind closed doors
Intensify and scary; as it may seem until Quvenzhané Wallis
9-Year-Old youngest best actress nominee,
In Hollywood nomination history: won her first trophy
Just when you thought everything was going great
Hundreds of whales trapped under the frozen water near Canada:
Mother Nature is definitely trying to tell us something.
To believe that it was warmer in that part of that region:
a confused school of whales;
Had to bailed
Ben Laden death photo may stay secret
Why not reveal it?
It might be better off saving the one horn Rhino
Or debating the value of a family dog in Texas
One more day in a verse in the news

When have I lied?
It makes me wonder if to be hopeful
is a white lie of sorts…
I have often lied to a child
who sat and cried in despair
Telling that child it would be alright
when I had no way of knowing.
Have I lied to myself
that I’m happy or sad?
Have I pretended I’m of use to others?
Has that been true or was it a lie
I suppose that’s up to you?
When my sister was born
I hated her, was that a lie, FOR SURE
I wanted to hate her to blame her for all
but I knew that wasn’t true.
I grew up a bit and then I saw
she’s the best person I ever knew.
I lied when I cried
to my husband and told him I was happy.
Happiness ha! Safe I was … cloistered
like a parrot in a cage
held there by my own fears.
I’m happy now sitting here
all alone in front of this screen
is it a lie? I wonder….
[can you hear me scream]

I may falter on a few steps,
but my eye is on the goal
My spine is made of solid gold,
my heart is made of stone
My limbs have gone limp with heat,
my body growing heavy
My eyes are bloodshot, filled with tears,
and yet my pace is steady
I remember what I came here for,
it pushes me ahead
My conscience is long gone for now,
the path I leave is dead
My mind quivers at the thought of you,
my vision starts to blur
But the prize I see in the end is: me,
and the souls that I have hurt.

It was the quiet that reasoned
With my mind –
As I continued to trudge
In the mundane –
Walking alongside me
Was only I –
Not a shadowed version,
But an exactness –
“But for why beats my heart”
I asked her –
A snicker the reply
Exotically dull –
“Slowly, I die”
My thoughts spoke –
From the neglect
She added –
I sat down to face her
Eyes of hollow –
Detached yearn,
Disconsolate spirit –
I wept for her heart –
“It is not meant for you,”
I reassured her dream,
The quiet did not reason –

The water in my chest,
And my eyes, they burn,
Lungs burst for air,
They are losing all their turn.
My eyes see the light,
That swims in the water,
And as I sink,
My lungs burn hotter.
I try to breathe,
Yet only choke,
I scratch for the surface,
Pray that it be broke.
But I know that I,
Will soon touch sand,
But only beneath the waves,
I will never touch land.
So I close my eyes,
To be engulfed by the dark,
As as i slip away,
Shines bright, the mark.
The deeper I go,
My dress cling to me,
As I drown,
Sink,
To the bottomless sea.

My Time
Age proves to me that time is a passing breeze
Fleeting glimpses of my life and the lives of others
Boil up and over in my mind’s eyes, late at night
Frantic flashes of feelings and emotions in my head
Years fly by in the bat of an eye… each day we must seize
Capturing memories to cherish hold and adore… Our own mothers
Knowing in our heart and mind just how to make it right
Steady knowledge of family and loved ones, as we lay our heads to bed
rlm ‘06

I stand, alone.
Scratching for my truths,
peeling away the veneer,
I stand, alone, before this
impregnable cliff so sheer.
Cocooned in my solitary shell,
wrenching a smile from a tear,
I stand, alone, a little odd,
and definitely quite queer.
I stand, alone.

[The Cypress Is In Bloom]
The cypress is in bloom
I see the evil, the efflorescence of decadent doom
Eloigning, with thy clandestines of the Dead September's reign
My belovéd Penelope, abscond from the coven so deep, the glades of misery
We must face her in the grove, for arcany, the path we must take
She's in my mind, vaporously,
Lauding with my, dangers and fears
Lie, with ephermelcy's broken truths
Leading me go Cypress, Marigold
Immortally, willows, forevermore
Forevermore
[To Question; To Know]
My argentine silence, your only condonicy
Ends with such eath
The Mockingbird in me--died
Resting in one ounce, an abundance of shame
With an infinity of joy
Exiled, by the ones, who give all, names
My breath starves for only more
The façade, the veil, the austerity dims with Aquarianlore
She falls to her knees, why for?
Celandine she will be
Celandine is she
[Bead]
The lair within, free from their causalities of their sins
Shadowy primroses begin to grow, the season will never end
In there I dream to be like you, violet blue, White Flower of Lisieux,
La Fleur Blanche du Lisieux,
So Celandine are you
Celandine are you
[Draconian]
Draconian--Reach for the shadows within
Draconian--Break from The Fallen's Sin
Draconian--Their Empirical lies, only die
Draconian--Reach The Shadows Within

Joanna Davis
Politician pity me
My pent-view tenement sanctuary
These panoramic views you see
Only serve to tether me,
The putrid stair a bloody
And decaying maze
Of putrid souls
In a morphine daze.
Please doctor, in my
Minute’s appointment
Don’t dismiss my pain with
The usual ointment
The scars that you
Refuse to see,
Have made me doubt
My sanity.
And preacher, when you gave
Your blessing
Did you ever wonder why
I was missing?
Condemning my absence
as a lack of faith,
My soul to the suffering
Of purgatory’s state.

no-one would ever imagine that she,
the old woman sitting quietly alone
drinking her morning cup of coffee,
had anything for which to atone..
yet , like so many others you know,
she has a secret or two tucked away..
words spoken in haste, more than one lie,
now in her memories, they come to play..
I am one with that quiet gray head,
thinking of the changes I'd make..
if only I could go back in time
and undo just one great mistake..
I chose a path because it was easy,
Instead of a more difficult way..
thinking now of "what might have been"
knowing that dream was of another day...

I find myself feeling so cliché at times.
I want what I can't have.
I need you but not that bad.
Thoughts of jealousy never cross my mind when I picture you with him.
A typical story with a typical ending,
Despite all my break and bending;
Despite all my break and bending;
You know what you are to me
And yet I still float here weightlessly all the while.
For my sake I'll swallow my heart and gag at the taste.
I don't love you, I won't let myself.
Or is that just the taste of denial.
My mind is what's in control.
Emotions hardly ever play a role.
It pains me to say
How easy it is for me to turn away.
What I need is what our friendship is lacking.
I will never ask for more than what you can give.
I know what you can and what you refuse to.
Being strung along is something no one should have to get used to.
So all and all I ask myself.
Do I fly or do I fall?
Run away from what I feel,
Or abandon pride to seal the deal?
I'm just praying for the next best thing.
To take my mind away from what has been.
All summer long they've come and gone.
But still, for your hand I seem too long.

(Verse 1)
Calling to you from out of time
Just wanted to say
So sorry for the younger days
All of the mistreatments
(Verse 2)
Things I did without disgrace
Knowing now I was so wrong
Learning to understand many mistakes
A beating heart without trust
(Hook)
Before insecurities rap around tight
Become friends with yourself
Love yourself first
Before a first impression shows your epic life
Become friends with yourself
Love yourself first
Before confidence disappears into a shadowy night
Become friends with yourself
Love yourself first
(Verse 3
Tenderly your heart to me
Carelessly I set you free
Anger and guilt followed me
My heart has been swimming frantically
(Verse 4)
When love comes to stay
Just like a tool it too has a rule
Before dreams slip away
So many times asking why
(Hook)
Before insecurities rap around tight
Become friends with yourself
Love yourself first
Before a first impression shows your epic life
Become friends with yourself
Love yourself first
Before confidence disappears into a shadowy night
Become friends with yourself
Love yourself first
Love yourself
Love yourself
Love yourself first

You’re gone for days, and
you always show up most
unexpectedly.
Like the mushrooms
that weren't there
the night before—
a ring of pallid sculls,
sleepers pushing through
the dark moist earth.
I always wonder:
are you toxic or
are you a delicacy...
Oh how I wish I knew
the plan that is set before me,
and your intentions...

"Self absorption:
fickle, spiny sponge.
Crevices of fingerprints
stinging on the tongue...
Rapt attention
fixed upon the
reproducing cell-
Fickle self absorption
I know you very well."
(-on the internal struggle of an artist's drive to create vs. the demands of real life.)

A stoma and a scar
like the Grand Canyon
form a conspiracy
against my body.
The stoma--raw and
fleshy--looks like a red
and beefy barnacle on
my side that constantly
oozes and drains feces
and waste like an
overflowing, backyard
cesspool. It sickens me.
Near the red and moist
stoma lies a huge,
crooked scar on my
stomach and abdomen.
It is like the Grand
Canyon of Arizona--an
immense displacement
of the local landscape,
only instead of earth
and rock and soil it is
my skin and muscle
and tissue that has been
gouged away. Like my
stoma, it sickens me as
well. Because of them
both, my body now
feels to me like the
raw anatomy of
what's disgusting.

Lost in a moment of waiting
patiently wasting away
Eventually, is my motto
and maybe is where I reside
Another sunrise, another sunset
I'm still here twiddling thumbs
Any day now is my hotel room
passing the time, is my specialty
Here I am again dillydallying
bidding away all my time
I'm another second closer
I know it's comming so so soon
There is no time to waste
That's what I've heard before,
but to me I find time plentiful
and so I toss it aside carelessly
lost in a moment of waiting
I'm still here twiddling tumbs
I'm yet another second closer
There is plenty of time to waste.

Everything becomes atmospheric in its nature:
the black rock holding open a door to a room with no entry.
Redemption comes with a price,
but it is not for sale here.
Kind gestures mastering no weight,
and music being played idly through a cracked window.
Without your bright signs, or the screams of the unlucky who await within,
there would be no patrons of your dead hostel.
But we come for the screams and we come for the signs,
and we come for the music we can almost hear.
We are almost soothed and almost relinquish our personal peace
for the greater apathy to reign.
I am here with you darling,
but you cannot even feel my touch.
So gentle in nature, so tenacious in your attempts to learn.
So blanketed with dream trees and angelic harps that sound only in your ears.
This is my gallery to display the despair we call art.
Lack of emotion and childless mothers abound.
Come in, he says, Come in.
And on and on they stream.
With no tears for the dead,
the brothers that we left by the side of the road.
Too gentle in their tenacity.
No ability to further progress in this procession of the damned,
observed by careful observers from behind the glass.
Cracked and broken and without a place to conceal their eyes.
I am trembling in this wake,
but I grasp your hand and we march on.
To great nothingness,
to empty years of needing some way to be free.
Clanking glasses and shearing metal break my mind and bring me back to you.
Where are you?
And how are you going to take me away from here?
Here, where dream trees’ boughs bend and snap beneath the snow-covering.
We are burying the infants who have passed from this world to the next,
we are smothering their little mouths and tearing out their eyes.
We must suppress the screams of the innocent,
lest we believe we have a place with them.
Follow their stoic departure and wish with our minds’ whispers
that there was somewhere we too could go.

It was overwhelming, it was lovely
It was my definition of forever, it was empowering
I spread it into the sea
Into space, time, and everything in between or beyond
I spread it into their souls
I spread it throughout the forgotten dimensions
Betrayal, a curve ball
Unexpectedly knocking me from this universe
I floated, away from everything i had seen
I was spread, beyond the city
I was spread, further from the seas
Closer to the bottom
The light became dim
The light became an illusion
The truth had been unfolded beneath
Like a trench, eager to sub duct innocence of loyalty
For I had traveled so far...
The spark, what is now a burden
What now burns
For once, it lit the way
It guided the way that the mind created
The illusion we were eager to find
Now all that is left
And of course,
Only the foolish search for the spark

The shadows in my dream
Burning through the leaves
Shadows so disturbed
They break me from the good that I have shared
Scraping through the day
The darkness likes to play
Livelihood now gone
Leaving every place where I belonged
Tear me inside out
The shadow starts to shout
Betraying all I need
I pray for strength to lift me off my knees
Darkness in the air
Enveloping my care
Replacing all I say
With quiet paintings whispering this pain
Underneath these screams
My shadow and my dream
Both would claim my soul
But either way the world would eat me whole

You are looking at me as if I did that to you.
Ah, whatever damn fool!
I am sorry for the expletive.
I did not mean to curse you.
However, I swear you looking at me quite obscene.
You put yourself in these dumb things.
Invective you must be.
I do understand.
Whatever, however, is all I have to give.
A discussion of what has transpired means nothing.
Vilification is your daily panorama.
Your response is these are your friends and family.
They just be playing.
All I have to say is whatever.
This is because I know an insult is an insult.
Nevertheless, you continue to hang out with the boys.
Maliciousness you call me because I tell you what really is happening.
I tell you the mental abuse that you let fester in your life.
Abasement is not transgressed.
Whatever is all I have to say.
You had better get yourself together right now – today!
[Whatever, means that you better stop the lying and strive man!]
Worried about who loves you...
Have you thought about what friends are true?
Ask yourself are you a damn fool
To take their insults the way you do.
Every time they snap you up
Verify for what.
Ears are burning to hear them defame.
Realize they are not playing!
I love you...
[WHATEVER...]
|__________|________|______________________________________|
Penned on June 08, 2014!
Philosophical: If you did friends into family and family into friends, whatever!

here I go again
dipping into
my well of inspiration
and coming up
empty
how long has it been?
seems like
time has stopped,
stuck at 12 'o clock
stumped
this well
that I'm talking about
only has fumes
suffocating, then floating away to
nothingness
I stare blankly
and let my mind wander
but all I see are roadblocks
don't know where to start
helpless
so I dip again
into that well
of abysmal nothingness
hopeful that I might scoop up
something...anything
the bucket slips
plunges into that oblivion,
lost to infinity it seems
so I walk away, sighing
then I hear a "clink!"
the faintest of clinks
that would have ever existed
but I heard it
that well all along has always been
empty
***Sept. 14, 2010

Why are you so cruel and mean?
Why do you yell and create a scene?
In front of others you belittle me.
I have feelings to, why can't you see?
You may have been right in what you said.
Couldn't you have just told me privately instead?
If you have problem why not just sit and talk?
Why do we have to argue into a gridlock?
You left a scar on my wounded emotions.
Why, use unkind words when you take a notion?
Everyone else may kiss-up under your spell.
I, will not sucumb to your egotistic degrading hell.
If this keeps on day after working day..
I will finally tell you, what I really want to say.
I may be fired; no more being nice and polite.
If I do, at least...it will not be without a fight.

My only friend
Is the one in my head
'cause the one that I had
was left behind in the sand
The sand of the hourglass
waning away
never stopping
never speeding
only burying your secrets
grain by grain
Someone to hold
something to have
All pain
no gain
I reached out to touch you
and you melted
as my fingers grazed
your perfect face
I try to scoop up the puddle
mould you back into shape
But I just kept slipping
in the mess
that I used to live for

The warm concrete kissed my cheek
when I had finally stopped falling
and I lay there,
at peace in the sunshine,
bruises on my knees and
scrapes on my hands
bleeding oh so quietly
while I sang my uplifting songs of gratitude.
It's finally happened,
I met the ground,
The world quit spinning
all around
The clock just stopped
The pain just quit
I just embraced my moment
while my throat was slit
I sang and sang and lay and prayed,
My time has come, it's over now, bless my soul
forgive my sins
--scratch that--
I don't give a sh**
Just leave me be, here on the ground
Let me sing without a sound
Let me be at peace
In my effortless glow
Let me have my minute
Of being alone.

She smiles at two beautiful white doves
Prompting her to pray to above
Wondering will she ever find love
Her heart continues to ache
Pain so deep, she just can not take
The doves fly into the sky
Thinking she must be the reason why
Alone she is getting ready to say her final goodbye
Clouds creeping in… She begins to walk towards the lowering sun
Dreaming of that day she thought she met the perfect one
A young girl once ambitious and fun
Her heart ripped into two
Wishing for a simple fix, yet there is no strong enough glue
Still walking towards the sun
Ignoring what is about to come
A pain far too much to take
She chose to make that fatal mistake

It seems
the longer I wait
on this dry shore
the farther you get
as I watch you sail
away
from my place
on this dry shore;
the winds pick up
and your sails unfurl
and with every breath I lose
watching you drift away
a gust of wind
sends you with blessings
of wasted breaths;
and I see you still
distant as you are
going to that place
I dreamt for you,
a place that grows farther still
as I dream for you
grander things
and grander places
that you will visit;
And on currents
that seem to flow
to the beating in my chest
you sail farther still
and with every dream I breathe
you sail farther yet
and you’re so far away now
from where I am
on this dry shore;
and I wonder if things would have been different
had I not sent you away
and kept you here
on this shore
where I can still see you
no matter how far you sail
from this shore
that you have never left
and I have never left.

Just thinking
I’m sitting, and I’m
thinking
About the way life
be
I have earned my
share of karma
I have caused some
misery
I fought a war in
Asia
And I’ve seen some
good folk die
And now at almost
sixty five
I watch life pass me
by.
It seems the worlds
gone crazy
Too much push with
nothing gained
With ambition always
winning
And causing so much
pain
With strokes, cancer
and heart attacks
Affecting more and
more
And every where one
looks, it seems
There’s another
bloody war.
You know, It’s just
ain’t right
All these burdens
caused by man
The world is going
crazy
Better stop it while
we can.
I’ve been poisoned
by my country
Such sweet democracy
Now my body breaks
on open
That’s just the way
things be
But it seems I’ve
suffered all in vain
Cause, those leaders
never learn
They’re leading us
straight into Hell
Where all of us will
burn.
January 2008.

When a man
hates the world soo much
and it is publicly known....
Isn't it society
whose job it is
to kill the demon with kindness?
charity
and parties
and gifts
and happy smiling we love yous
Whean a man hates the world soo much
it is public knowledge
doesn't that mean he hates himself
so therefore killing him with kindness is like torture
and the greatest act of kindness is allowing him to do something kind for
someone else
even if it is himself?
Look at Marilyn manson
Look at Aleister Crowley
look at Ozzy osbourne
did we kill them with kindness
Britney spears
did she do it again?
when someone hates themselves or the world
and it is publicly known
is it societies job to kill them with kindness and how so?
potlucks?
surprise holidays?
ceremonies?
serenading?
and alas when they realize they have become the joke!
the joke where they plan to fail
when a man publicly hates the world
and knowledge of you killing with kindness is publicly known
who throws the first stone?
here i be dressed in suicide
dancing in the mud on valentines day asking why don't you love me?

Flashing neon signs
Dark pavement left behind
But more to go
I know, I know
I've darkness on the mind
Absorbed in mind's cafe
I take a seat to say,
“This can't be mine
This dream I find
Is taken course dismay”
Now gather in good cheer
Partake in lifeless beer
Glasses empty
Patrons gone
Myself I've come to fear
But how this came to pass
I cannot say at last
I turn to go
But now I know
I can't reshape my past
Walk on in dream I do
But lifeless forms ensue
A mother gone
A father too
But empty streets pursue
I've taken now the task
To live this dream at last
Without my wish
Or to my hope
A lonely shadow cast

Old poems/new posts inspired by recent articles on PoetrySoup
All forms relate to the word
So from the beginning
They carried their ideas
In their minds eye
Shaping symbols
A dimension of spirit
The eye that underlies eyes
Vision makes the flash seem longer
In one blinding flash I thought I saw I was
I said
All forms relate to the word
Being based on a set of words
Also forgotten parts of yourself
Evocation and reproduction
Of the things of life
As strange factory-born personages
Words very mysterious
Every process of Creation begins with
Also with Imagination
Of past ways
Of seeing and experiencing
Detached from life
Finding a way back into it
Breaking from time
Fracturing the sense of balance and place
Where past and future are interchangeable
Achieving synthesis of time and space
One can literally pass the time
Cut loose drifting slowly through
Slowed down space of next to nothingness
Detached from life until
In one blinding flash I said I thought I saw I was
The word falls on its face on the floor

The Orchard
In an autumn’s dream
They are the reds and yellows and other colors once green
Once a mother’s own
So golden in their eyes had each one, -- at one time gleamed!
Humanity's given beauty of a thousand trees
Yet, save for a gentle serenity long gone
Swept quietly away by a past spring breeze
Innocence needs not shorn in storm of night
Subtle winds can carry young leaves
Like a mother's forlorn cries left unheard throughout her plight

Do words hurt?
To be belittled,
talked down to,
dehumanized,
rejected of your very life.
To be objectified,
demeaned,
robbed of your mind
and spirit,
robbed of your individuality;
your very heart itself.
Do words hurt?
Or are they illusions?
Is equality a dream?
Do you notice it at all?
Walking day to day,
from place to place,
seeing the masses.
Do you feel their struggle?
Do you take the time to care?
To wonder if their lives are really equal,
like yours?
Do you dream in apathy?
Or are you awake in denial?
Do words hurt?
When used to steal.
Do words hurt?
When attacking,
when targeting,
when ostracizing,
humiliating;
or criticizing?
Do you have feelings too?
How would you feel?
If I talked down to you;
...in condescension?

Debauched, extortionate and inconstant
was the knavish and foul mercenary?
The perfidious praetorian reprobate
was a venal unscrupulous slug.
Debased in character and depraved in spirit
this purveyor of evil tended to his wicked ways.
Morally spoiled, he was a putrid putrescent
and an aberration to integrity.
Nefarious and tainted in character,
he infected the soul.
Treacherous and two-faced,
underhanded and unethical,
debased and unprincipled,
this snide poor excuse to humanity
defined the meaning of "corruption."