First they branded our produce, now the evil Disney overlords are coming to brand our lifestyles. According to an article in the new issue of Newsweek, adult women are a big part of Disney's $4 billion "Princess" industry of apparel, which already includes tiaras, jewelry, princess-inspired gowns, and forthcoming princess sleepwear and household furnishings. Take Lindsay Timberman. The 29-year-old is planning Belle from Beauty and the Beast-inspired nuptials, replete with the film's signature bloom, a "buttercup yellow" gown mimicking Belle's dress, and she's even looking for glass slippers. Disney's dresses run for $1,100; according to Disney apparel designer Jim Calhoun, the gowns are "designed to appeal to the working- and middle-class woman interested in 'trading up.'" Says Timberman: "Our first trip to Disney World, I was having my picture taken with Cinderella. She asked me if I had a prince with me, and I said, 'I do!'"

I'm guessing this marriage lasts 18 months, tops, because real relationships outside of retardo fantasy world aren't about glass slippers and shit. They're about mortgages and mewling babies and peeing with the door open. (Even Teri Hatcher knows to leave Disney fantasies behind: "You're responsible for what you bring to a relationship, so I think the idea of Prince Charming is someone who can take care of everything, and I don't think that's it," she recently said.)

In addition to credit card-wielding adults — yup, there's also an Ariel Visa card! — Disney is hoping women will pass on their fairy-tale tastes to their infant daughters, with diaper-changing mats and cribs festooned with Belle and her bitches coming out next year. And although the childhood love of princesses doesn't seem so bad, isn't wasting your grown-up purchasing power to indulge an antiquated dreamworld pretty pathetic?