Dancing On Ice 2014, week two: Todd Carty gets a standing ovation just for turning up but David Seaman and Gary Lucy leave

The curse of the Carty struck Dancing On Ice this week. Eastenders legend Todd Carty, was saved because he managed not to fall over or accidentally skate off the rink. Instead we said goodbye to diamond trousers David Seaman, who demonstrated an athlete’s strength but a lack of drama, and Gary Lucy in the skate-off.

The skate-off saw Gary Lucy try a nice but safe turn to What About Now and actor Sam Attwater mess up a more daring routine to Riverdance.

Well, I say he messed up, it was his partner who came out of the headbanger awkwardly, which is probably why he was saved, unanimously, by the judges.

It’s Riverdance on ice! (Picture: ITV)

As for said judges this week, Ashley Roberts is moving on from straightforward annoying to ‘trying to be controversial’ annoying.

She doled out several unnecessarily low scores when her fellow judges were more generous.

Who cares what she thinks anyway? Anyone who uses the word ‘sass’ as much as she does, and who isn’t a professional skater anyway, is hardly worth listening to.

Olympic gymnast Beth Tweddle got the show off to an ok start, swinging in on a vine, but her performance to Katy Perry’s Roar lacked bite. As Jason said, she might be strong technically but she needs more theatricality.

Gary’s performance was a bit safe

I couldn’t really concentrate much during the next dance, as it was to Bastille’s Pompeii, aka The Vodafone Helpline Hold Music. Even with no music, former Hollyoaks hunk Gary Lucy’s attempt was ‘safe and a little contrived in places’, so it wasn’t a great shock he ended up in the skate off.

Finally some show-womanship arrived in the form of Zaraah Abrahams, confident and charismatic and dressed in feathers she earned a standing ovation and 30.5. for her dance to Lady Marmalade. As Jason rightly said she ‘put the cat among the pigeons with that performance.’

Sam gets married on the ice… sort of (Picture: ITV)

Then. Oh God. Actor Sam Attwater enacted a rink-side wedding. Karen cooed ‘who said romance is dead?’ Well me, Karen, if a woman in an Ann Summers sexy bride outfit, a man all in white and two random skating ankle biters is romance. They didn’t deserve their 30 and, with that kind of schmaltz, they should have expected their skate off place.

Less cringey but still pointless was EastEnder’s legend and official DOI underdog Todd Carty. ‘I can’t be any worse than last time,’ he smiled. And he got a standing ovation just for turning up. He stayed on his feet, he stayed in the rink but the 16.5 he won was fair enough.

Todd survives to skate another day (Picture: ITV)

Thank goodness, then, for Suzanne Shaw. Her performance had it all – emotion, a great song choice (Rihanna’s Stay), lovely outfits and the feeling she really ‘felt’ it. She deservedly picked up the first nines of the season, resulting in 35.5.

Suzanne raised the bar (Picture: ITV)

With a performance like that the series is definitely looking up – but can she better it next time?

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