A fine example of citizenry from Ohio, TJ Lane posted the above status update via Facebook two months and several states away before the actual shootings occurred, but news companies are treating it like he posted it the fucking hour before. TJ (which is short for Thizzlehat Junction) was apparently the subject of some extreme trolling and bullying, which prompted him to bring a gun to school and shoot some people for fun.

His killcount stands at 3, getting only hitmarkers on 2 others. Dumbfuck should have used Stopping Power. News agencies flipped their collective shit and Facebook Newsfeeds were shitspammed with ZOMGZ! and redirects to Huffington Post. However, as with any school shooting or killing spree of this sort, all the names of the victims were quickly forgotten, but TJ's name and middle finger continued to hold a place in everyone's memories.

Seeing a great opportunity for lulz, Lane scribbled the word "KILLER" on a white shirt. The boy proceeded to hide the shirt until he took his place among the trial, spawning enough BAWWWWing and butthurt to power New York City for a month. Sadly all of this raw power went to fuel the countless supplies of farming equipment and to the numerous hunting rifles aimed at deer scattered around the state.

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This hand that pulled the trigger that killed your sons now masturbates to the memory. Fuck all of you.

Realizing just how much butthurt he generated, Lane couldn't put up a defense in court because he was too busy laughing his ass off, as he was called a "disgusting human being". Worth noting, however, is that these are the same breed of moralfag that say anyone who shows them a picture of goatse is a "disgusting human being". To raeg the crowd even more, Lane gave an inspiring speech to us all that ended in "Fuck all of you" and flipped the bawwwing moralfags the bird. Rage, butthurt, and batshit insanity followed, as Lane trolled the entire courtroom with this swift move.

Unfortunately, his Jew of a lawyer couldn't save the case following this, because Lane did not consider making the jury butthurt in his master plan. The Judge sentenced him to three lifetimes in jail (only in Ohio can someone stay in jail twice as long as they lived after they die), with charges of maximum trolling.

Though his high scorepales in comparisontoothers, our hero managed to stir up enough butthurt and drama for him to be remembered as a legend until two weeks from now, when Ohioans are too drunk/stupid to remember who the fuck he was (unfortunately for him, another crime in the state was getting more media attention, causing his epic deed to go into relative obscurity).

According to sauces, TJ spent the first 18 months in the big house playing the Pokemon card game with himself, pissing on prison walls like an animal, and playing the role of class rebel in his education courses. He claimed that he couldn't read because it hurt his neck (despite the fact that he was hoarding books in his cell), and that learning gave him a migraine, and he found that drawing pictures of kittens on his schoolwork made for a better learning experience. No, srsly.

He was also busted for giving himself 3 tattoos on his bird chest (unknown what the tattoos were of, but believed to be a combination of Pokemon, kitty cats, and the word "killer") and smoking grips of marijuana with the other kool kidz. This resulted in loss of recreation privileges, as if he had any interest in working out or playing basketball anyway.

So basically TJ is continuing to be the backwoods edgelord who shot and killed a couple kids, jerked off to the memories of said killings, and rebels against the system and its institutional learning facilities. The best part of the prison records report was a quote from a teacher who said "he also does not wear deodorant to the point no one wants to sit next to him." Now *that's* edgy!

As his face reveals, he's been suffering from a lot of painful buttseks in the pokey.

Then on 9/11 of 2014, in another example of razor-sharp hillbilly edge, TJ and the man presumed to have been reaming his ass in their cell escaped together while the guards were busy participating in remembrance rituals. TJ became the first person ever to get a second chance at achieving the high score in life and will likely return to the same school to redeem his low killcount. The manboyhunt is on.

TJ IF YOU'RE READING THIS HMU YOU CAN STAY AY MY PLACE. Lol disregard that, the dumb fuck already got caught 6 hours after escaping in front of a farm house in the woods, armed with a fucking pitchfork.

You'll never take me alive! lol jk I miss buttsex already

Lane was promptly shipped to the super-max slammer in Youngstown where he now enjoys 23-hour lockdown in a cell the size of a parking space. At least now he has his own jack shack in which he can masturbate to the memory of those teenagers he shot dead in peace for the rest of his life.

Second chance score: 0 kills. Could have maimed a cop with your hay poker, or at least tried to an hero with it, but no, you chose to live out the rest of your life enduring painful buttsex on a regular basis instead. YOU SUCK, FAGGOT. HANG YOURSELF, IT'S THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THE BITCH LIFE.

Yes. Lots of edgy teenage girls seem to obsess over this punk, similar to the way Columbiners get wet by the 2 fags, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. Many girls complimented his look, only further proving that women are fucking retarded as TJ is one ugly son of a bitch. Even though the TJ Lane story is old news at this point, there continues to be hundreds, if not thousands, of creepy fangirls. So yeah... Have fun feeling comfortable after learning about this, dude. News article here.