Here’s Ryan Lochte, sex-crazed star of What Would Ryan Lochte Do if he had a functioning brain, pitching a massive tent (presumably) on TV. Because the FCC doesn’t care what you do if no one’s watching.

E!

Ryan was excited because Jaimee was visiting him. Jaimee is an on-again, off-again f-ck buddy who lives in England and I can’t believe I just broke down a clip of a guy’s weiner on a third-rate cable show. Excuse me while I reevaluate my place in this world.