Dorm
Shower Fun

There are ways to make just about
any situation fun, even going to your dorm shower...

1. Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really
loudly, exclaiming, "I didn't know I had one of THOSE!"

2. Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do
not undress and make sure your clothes get all wet and soapy.
Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt tends to bleed.

3. Ask Scottie to beam you up.

4. Enter the stall, undress and then
re-dress up as Superman. Leap out of the stall, vengefully vow to
stop Lex Luther's evil plot, then run full force into the wall.
Stand up, shake your head, and proceed to take your shower.

5. Bring a bottle of fake blood or
ketchup into the shower with you. Exclaim "Ow! You know, it
really hurts when you pop one of those." Then let the
blood/ketchup seep down the drain for all to see.

6. Bring in a rubber chicken. Get it
all soapy, then toss in into the next stall. Demand that the person
in that stall return it to you, or you will cast a voodoo curse on
them. The next day, hang the chicken from the bathroom lighting
fixtures by a noose and stick numerous pins and forks in it.

7. Have a seizure. Bang against the
walls of the stall really hard. Try to knock them down. If anyone
later asks if you are okay, just say that you had some Mexican
Jumping Fava Beans and they were reacting negatively with your
stomach.

8. Stand in the bathroom, waiting for
would-be shower-goers. When they come in, tell them "not to do
it" and ask them "not to give in to sin." Wail
mournfully when they step into the shower.

9. Initiate a war with the person in
the stall next to you. Use the residual water on the floor as your
battle medium, and float little battleships over to their side. If
they kick them back or throw them over the edge, exclaim that you
didn't know they had the power of God and sheepishly mumble prayers
for the duration of your shower.

10. Bring in a fake finger. Float it
down the drainage "ditch." Ask if someone would be so kind
as to return it to you. If no one does, tell them that the finger
has been sacrificed to Satan and that the shower stalls are now
possessed. Hang Halloween decorations and crepe-paper ghosts from
them the next day.

11. Bang your head against the stall
wall, shouting "Redrum! Redrum!" in your best groggy
voice.

12. Bring a Yoo-Hoo chocolate milk
drink to the shower with you. Complain about a stomach ache, then
moan "Ohhhh, um, uh-oh," and squirt the Yoo-Hoo down the
drain "ditch" for all to see.

13. Before you turn the shower on,
make a noise like you are charging up a proton pack from
Ghostbusters. Before you turn it off, ask Egon to set the trap up
for you.

14. Bring a balloon into the shower.
Make the balloon squeak for the duration of your bathing experience.
Then pop it, and fall to the ground as if shot.

15. Bring dead fish into the shower
with you. Let them float down the drainage "ditch",
complaining angrily about the quality of water these days.

16. Hang up the names of different
farm animals in the stalls. Have everyone entering the stalls join
you in a rendition of "Old McDonald Had A Farm," making
the sound of the animal in their stall.

17. Turn the stall into a shrine for
a pagan god. Call him Weeshy. Insist that anyone who uses that stall
must tithe to receive his benevolence and glory. If they don't
tithe, avoid them for the rest of your life.

18. Take your shower like normal, and
then begin screaming that the Communists are taking over. Make
battle sounds -- including bombs, bazookas, and tanks. Towards the
end, wearily declare victory. Leave wounded.

19. Blow bubbles. Exclaim that you
are dissolving.

20. Bring in a bucket, fill it with
water, and float a bar of soap in it. Charge a fee for people to see
the Wicked Witch of the West bathing nude. Threaten anyone who
laughs at you with flying monkeys.

21. Start singing Pavarotti really
loud. In the middle, stop, stutter for a second, and then exclaim
"Ohmigosh...do you know what these words REALLY mean?"

22. Suck on the faucet head until you
fill up with water. Complain that the Seven Chinese Brothers get no
respect, OR pretend to be a fountain.

23. Wet your head, and then sneak
into a toilet stall. Flush the bowl and wait a minute. Walk out of
the stall lurching, complaining about how dizzy you are.

24. Buy a bunch of those tiny
animal-pills that expand into full, spongy shapes when they get wet.
Bring them into the shower and spill them into the ditch. Ask
somebody for your pills back, and when they hand you little animals,
scream, slap them, and run away.

25. Make your best Psycho noise (reeEENT
reeEENT...).

26. Try to get everyone in the other
stalls to sing in four-part harmony with you. If this actually
works, change your voice part every three measures.

27. Become a shower-pirate. Loot
other stalls of soap, Oxy pads, and Q-Tips. Bury them under the tile
floor. Fire cannons at people using toilet balls.

28. Bring scuba gear into the shower
with you. Talk to Cousteau. Upon leaving, tell everyone that the
Titanic was actually torpedoed by the Germans. Be cocky.

29. Hum for a couple of moments,
stop, make an "Mmmm!" sound, and then announce to everyone
that the mildew on the shower walls kind of tastes like head cheese.

30. Coat the floor in a fine layer of
quick-drying cement.

31. Hang "Marisa Cevasco steals
Homecoming Queen Crown" signs in all the stalls. If anyone asks
who Marisa Cevasco is, call them ignorant and ignore them for the
rest of your life.

32. Bring in Sesame Street bath
books. Read them aloud. Giggle every time Bert walks in on Ernie
bathing.

33. Stare at people's feet as they
bathe. If they do not wash their feet, tell them to. If this happens
a second time, steal their shoes and tell them that they left on
strike. If they DO wash their feet and fall down while doing it,
laugh hysterically.

34. Stand outside the shower curtain,
raise a harpoon, and shout "I'm coming for you, Moby!" Run
in and do battle with the faucet-head. Walk out a peg leg.

35. Charge a toll for people wanting
to use the shower. If they complain, light them on fire. THEN
they'll pay.