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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

It's National Dump Your Significant Jerk Week, or as I like to call it, Dump Week. That's right, folks, it's time to get out now before you have to spend another Valentines' Day shelling out the dough for over-priced chocolates and stuffed animals!

And really, what better way is there to end a romantic entanglement than with CAKE?

Now your ex can drown his sorrows in beer and buttercream. Unless he's out of beer. Or hates cake. In which case, this cake is PERFECT.

For some reason I get this one a lot. You know, from you readers. It's usually followed by a "I promise I'm not a stalker," and a request for my home address. (No joke.)

If you prefer a more subtle route, there's also this option:

"Allow me to point out that the arrow pointing to the representation of the amount of my love is actually larger than the representation of the amount of my actual love.

"If you're not getting this, I've also prepared a pie chart. On a pie."

Then there are all the old standbys:

The Outraged:

The Relieved:

The Psychopath:

But for my money, I'll always prefer good old fashioned crazy:

If I find a jam filling, I am OUTTA HERE.

Thanks to Sarah H., Kjaere, Lesley M., Birdy, Olivia C., and Erin W., who will always hold a special place in my heart, and we'll always be friends, but I'm at a really complicated place right now and just need some time to think about who I am, you know?

Reader Comments (57)

You can tell a great deal about a person based on the cakes they present to you:1nd- Cowardly with low self esteem2th- Cowardly with high self esteem3st- Honest and detail oriented4nd- Refreshingly honest5st- Honest and religious6nd- Exciting and possibly dangerous7st- Delightfully playful

I'm buying my hubby -- who I'm NOT dumping, no way, no how -- a "Find the Toenail" cake (with jam filling) for Valentine's Day, if my local store-that-shall-not-be-named will make it... It reduced me to snorting while pointing at the monitor. My son -- and Valentine's Day baby -- thought he was going to have to do CPR.

I would have spit out my coffee at Sharyn's " If you please could drop dead nowYour leaving will make me dance," had I not been prepared by Haiku Joy's touching haiku (I feel sad for that girl cake.)Either way, keyboard catastrophe averted.

Hey... I only asked for your address ONE TIME! And it was for a thank you note. :) And when I was outside your window it was really hard to hear what the two of you were saying and I hardly got any good pictures, so you've got that going for you.

Susan, I'm selling bootleg copies of the Yates neighborhood videos. The security detail wouldn't let me get close to THEIR house (how did you get all the way to the window?!) but Mildred from across the street comes through picture-perfect. She's had a hip surgery so she moves kinda slow, which helps.

Twenty cupcakes for each ten minutes of video. I pick the ten minutes.

I'm still in awe that you got up against the house, but it's no wonder you couldn't hear the conversation over the sound of Jon's muscles rippling. They kind of drown out everything else. Maybe try a muscle-noise-reducing microphone next time?

Today IS National Lame Duck Day. A perfect day for those waiting until AFTER Valentine's Day to dump their partners.

I am officially afraid of the person who put so much work into the "Burn Up and Die" cake. I think someone enjoyed embellishing that a bit too much.

But the Find the Toenail cake? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Genius. What would be really fun is to set up an office event in advance and leave that cake out on the table, then video people's reactions when they see the cake -- especially on the face of the person who's supposed to cut and serve the cake. And see how many people eat it or turn it down!

Jen, if you give me your home address, I'll set this up deliver the video to you and Jon PERSONALLY. And I'll bring my video camera with me so I can record the sound of Jon's muscles rippling.

OMG, hilarious cakes for sure, but I have never laughed so hard while reading the comments before! You guys are too funny! The toenail cake was my fav...my hubby happened across it earlier this week and posted it to my FB page, so we were, of course, ecstatic to see it on Wreckies today!

I am an avid viewer (closet stalker), not an avid poster.... HAD to post for this one. The cakes were funny, the cake comments helped, but the Comments today were the 'icing' on the whole thing. I laughed so hard I had to keep wiping the tears from my eyes!

I enjoy the cake wrecks, they are hilarious! I cannot believe that you are able to keep posting so many pictures after all this time! I enjoy every one though. Keep up the good work.

I promise to NOT ask for your home address (I have friends who can find it for me). LOL just kidding.... or am i?!

As weird as it sounds...I just had to write Find the Toenail on a cake at work the other day. The man's wife thought it was a super hilarious inside joke that her husband would understand. The rest of us thought it was gross. LOL

Dang! I so wish I had thought of this when I dumped the ex. The Burn up and Die one and the Thank God you're leaving ("your"?? Really?? Have these people never heard of CW?? Or maybe they need to be in Haiku Joy's class for a week?) would have been PERFECT!@Haiku Joy you just amaze me sometimes. Well, all the time really. p.s. that creeped me out a little too o.O

@Sharyn ~ I've totally run out of superlatives to describe how I feel about you. If you give me your address I promise not to post pictures on Facebook! :)

Thanks Jen for giving me a reason to celebrate this stupid holiday. I'll buy myself a cake and eat it all by myself. It's a "holiday" so the calories don't count, right?

It's not suppose to say flavor it's just saying what kind of cake it is. No bakeries well grocery store ones call it vanilla its white or yellow cake. There is no other word for chocolate cake other than just chocolate

Lol at all these cakes. Though that burn up and die one I thought was nicely done as well as the toenail cake lol. Man can't wait for next week aka send someone a VD cake. Those are priceless. And reminds me of the ads once put up on the CW page for the Vampire Diaries. Some geniuses thought "Catch VD" would be a good idea lol nope not a good ad campaign there guys.

Say what you will about the Burn Up and Die cake, but that wreckerator knows how to do some nice trees.

TLC, be very afraid - there are lots of us out there! The boyfriend wanted effigy cakes for the Superbowl & playoff games, and ho boy you shoulda seen the flames on that raven! I don't care at all about football, but flames are fun.