Chris Brown’s Retiring From Music Because Y’All Are Meanies

Chris Brown just announced on Twitter that he’s retiring from music at age 24. And if you’re wondering if he blamed it on people always mentioning he beat the living shit out of Rihanna, he blamed it on people always mentioning he beat the living shit out of Rihanna:

- Don’t worry mainstream America.After this X album, it’ll probably be my last album.
– Being famous is amazing when it’s for ur music and talent. I’m tired of being famous for a mistake I made when i was 18. I’m cool & over it!

Oh thank God. For a minute there I thought Chris Brown would not be cool that he has to retire because people only remember him for bashing Rihanna’s skull in before biting and choking her, but fortunately he’s entirely at peace with still being rich while never working again because he didn’t once try to act remorseful. Even when he got to re-fuck Rihanna and then dumped her for not letting him bang other women. Because, seriously, this would’ve been me, “Is Chris Brown cool? I refuse to sleep until I know that he is.” That’s no way to live.