Comedy on the campaign trail as father aims to be the first MP to follow his son into the Commons

Thwack. Squeak, squeak, …. Two mops of white-blonde hair, two twirling rackets, two turned up collars. Boris Johnson called it “glorified torture”. Stanley Johnson, his less famous father, said it was a “needle match”.

How else would the Johnsons mark their historic bid for two seats in the Commons but by playing squash against each other in Newton Abbot? If Stanley, 64, can wrest the Devon seat of Teignbridge from the Liberal Democrats, he will be the first father to follow his son into Parliament, the Johnsons think.

If Johnson Sr, a poet, novelist, farmer, 1980s Tory MEP and, latterly, an environmentalist, succeeds it would also be a victory for a different era, when politicians were not robotic careerists but free-thinkers, not afraid to tell bad jokes.

Resplendent in a green jumper (“the reason I’m wearing it is I saw an enormous spot on my tie and didn’t have time to buy a new one”), Stanley Johnson has a unique approach to winning.

He trekked 70 miles from his farm in Exmoor to Dartmoor to prove he lived within easy walking distance of his constituents after realising that “being Boris’s dad is not enough to wing it”.
Johnson Sr is having “a joyous time” meeting voters on the doorstep.”We go from pub to pub. One forgets what a central feature of village life the pub is,” he says.

Before the squash, the Johnsons trail off together around Teignmouth town centre like a couple of naughty schoolboys.

“So sorry to barge in,” says Boris, making a beeline for two waitresses sitting in the corner of Dairymaid restaurant.
Johnson Sr admits that “being Boris’s dad” has boosted recognition on the doorstep. One voter mistook him for Boris; another, to his delight, asked if Boris was his father.
The problem in Teignmouth seems to be the reverse.
“Hello Stanley,” says a pensioner to Boris.
“No I’m Boris,” replies Boris. “This is Stanley.”
“No this is Stanley,” insists the pensioner, pointing at Boris.
Voters warm to them. “I agree with a lot of Stanley’s policies on farming and fishing,” says Portia Woodhouse, a law student working in Scoopys ice-cream parlour. “I’d love to take Boris for a drink. He’s a great laugh and politics needs that.”

Stanley Johnson collects “nuggets” during canvassing and posts them on his weblog. “A chap said to me ‘are you on the electoral roll?’ and I said ‘of course I’m on the electoral roll. We are rolling down here,” he says. Boris covers his face with his hands.

But the Johnsons are never far from trouble and the audience criticises Stanley for declaring in his blog he hopes to do “not too much” in Westminster. “It was in the Greek sense of meden agan, nothing excessive,” he protests.

“In a nutshell, the Tories have a jolly good message to put over at the moment,” he tells the Guardian. “More police.” A long pause. “Controlled immigration. Lower taxes. Cleaner hospitals. There’s another one. We’re missing one. Don’t go away, I’ve got a crib here.”

On the squash court he is defeated. “This is not symbolic in any way,” he shouts cheerily.
He has a clear idea of his role: “My job and Boris’s is to help inject a bit of fun into the campaign. It ought to be fun. So far it’s been an absolute joy.”

Stanley Johnson is the Conservative candidate for Teignbridge in Devon. He has lived on a family farm on Exmoor since 1951. He is a former MEP.

He says about his eldest son, Boris:

… Boris, was president of the Union at the time. The Chernobyl disaster had just occurred. Boris rang me in Brussels two days before the debate was due to take place. “I’m running into trouble finding a speaker” he said “What’s the topic?” I asked. “‘This House believes that nuclear power is both safe and essential’ I’d like you to propose the motion!”

Well, I helped out then and Boris is helping me out now, down in Devon.

Stanley is first-rate and we wish him all good fortune and luck on Election Night.

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14 thoughts on “Stanley Johnson”

Delighted to hear the Johnsons are squash players! I’m involved in a serious political struggle with our local sports and leisure centre to save the last public squash court in the Stirling/Trossachs area. (They want to close us down to use the space for yoga, tai chi and dance classes etc.)

Question to Peter Mandelson on his website 24 July 2004: “Is being a good liar a prerequisite to being a successful MP?”, Mandelson’s lying answer: “Certainly not. Honesty is the best policy, especially in politics.” (classic)
Careers of a Clown
1979-82 Lambeth councillor
1982-85 producer at London Weekend Television
Late 1980s Director of Labour Party Campaigns and Communications
1992 Became MP for Hartlepool
1994 supported Blair’s leadership bid
1997 Ran Labour’s election campaign
1997 Named Cabinet ‘Minister Without Portfolio'(a sign of Blairs utter faith in the slimeball)
1998 Secretary of State for Trade and Industry
1998 Resigned over Geoffrey Robinson house loan affair
1999 Returned as Secretary of State for Northern Ireland
2001 Resigned over Hinduja passports affair
2004 Appointed as European Commissioner.
(Thanks to the BBC for the timeline info above)

3 Strikes and you’re in.
Blair once spoke of giving criminals a ‘3 strikes and your out’ rule, whereby if they committed 3 offences they would be jailed. But if you are a politician, it’s like the rule is reversed to some ‘3 strikes and your in’ ruling.

Peter Mandleson: One Law for him…………

In late 1996 Peter Mandelson purchased a house in London’s trendy Notting Hill for £450,000, while Labour was still out of government. He paid for this mainly with a personal loan (an interest free loan!!!) from Geoffrey Robinson of £373,000, plus a mortgage of £150,000. Mandy saved himself a VERY tidy packet on interest rates. He never declared this on the MP’s register of interests despite telling us all on several occasions how ‘clean’ and ‘sleaze free’ the labour party were. There was an investigation into the man he got the loan off, the former paymaster general, Geoffrey Robinson, another new labour millionaire.
Robinson in turn resigned himself and claimed that it was Mandleson who made the moves in securing the loan off him; this is enough to hang Mandleson with. But Blair will not do so. The matter was dropped.
“We are intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich.” Slime-bag Peter Mandleson kissing the backside of Rich Americans on a ‘fact finding mission’ funded by the mug UK tax payers.(Financial Times, 23 October 1998)

The same sleaze
So, all in all we can simply see the same new labour sleaze continuing, and Mandleson has now been rewarded again and given another very important and well paying Job as European Commissioner. Mr Sleaze himself said he hopes to “make Brussels more accountable”. Is he joking? Does he really think we believe he could be accountable to anyone except himself? The same Mandleson was involved with handing out large sums of money to Sonae here in Kirkby. Wherever Mandleson appears, it seems that those with money end up with more money, after all, a man who states “We are intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich”, is really saying he is giving the go ahead for the rich and upper class and monied classes to continue their thieving and corruption.
THE LATEST

Peter Mandelson was invited on the yacht of Paul Allen of MICROSOFT
But PETER MANDELSON is the EU TRADE COMMISSIONER
Is this not a CONFLICT OF INTEREST?

PRIVATE INTEREST conflicting with the PUBLIC DUTY to give the impression of appearing INDEPENDENT!!!

PETER MANDELSON – can this man be TRUSTED?

PETER MANDELSON – should this man be a MINISTER?

PETER MANDELSON – dooes this not say a lot about the decision making of the PM?

Stories such as the roadsweeper should be given far more publicity. People suffer from mego when given figures in millions. Real examples would be far more effective. Vox pop interviews are a waste of time and do not hold the attention

Let’s hear more about Peter Mandelson MP of Northumberland Place W2 and as Labour minister and his abuse of power.

Let’s hear more about the Labour MP, Clive Soley MP of 24 Birch Grove, Ealing Common W3 9SS and his demands that all the Labour back bench MPs had to vote for an unlawful war – otherwise they would be de-selected.

Let’s hear more about the Blair lies and deceit.

How much fresh blood is on their hands?

How many innocent lives of women and innocent children were killed?

Some are rattled.

Others have no conscience and couldn’t really care.

Sadly the more experienced politicians just know lies and deceit.

Should there not be a limit on politicians only serving two terms – and NO more!

I am hoping that this message reaches Stanley Johnson. I am writing to wish you well in the election and to let you know that everyone in this household, including my daughter who cast her first vote today, and who initially intended voting for RYR but who, with some gentle persuassion from the parents voted for you, hopes that you are successful. We are under no illussions about which party will probably win this election but we hope that you win this seat back. We also hope that this along with other gains will be enough to stop Mr Blair in his tracks and get this country back to where it belongs. Good luck to you,
Brenda

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