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Six-Pack Challenge WEEK 3 – We Need Belding

Principal Dick Belding, fresh off being terminated from Bayside High for sexual harassment, was the guest commissioner (some might say replacement commissioner) at a Pro Wrestling Syndicate event last week in New Jersey. Just like when Zack was pulling one of his stunts, Belding didn’t shit from anybody and even slammed a wrestler who dared to disobey him.

It’s clear now that Roger Goodell isn’t getting the job done as Commissioner of the NFL, so I say replace him with Belding. If we can replace the refs, why can’t we replace the Commish? There’s no way Belding would let Bountygate get this out of hand. He’d be like, “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what is going on here?” and then give Jonathan Vilma Saturday detention with Mr. Tuttle. Concussion lawsuits getting out of hand? Let’s whip up some Screech’s spaghetti sauce and use the proceeds for a settlement. There’s no way the NFL is crazier than Bayside. Do you think Ray Lewis ever started a telephone advice line and accidentally manipulated Joe Flacco’s little sister to fall in love with him? All I know is if I see these refs calling pass interference indiscriminately any more, I’m going to lose it. Now let’s make some picks.

RAMS AT BEARS (-7.5)Stone: RamsSam Bradford is secretly having a very good season.

Rory: RamsJust call me an NFC West man! Maybe I’ve been listening to too much of Simmons and Cousin Sal, but I really like the Rams this week.

DP Animal: RamsSt. Louis has actually showed signs of life, and who knows what Bears team will show up?

Phanatic: RamsAt the very least, the Rams will cover after their performance against Washington.

EAGLES (-3.5) AT CARDINALSStone: CardinalsYou’re not going to win a lot of games when you turn the ball over a lot. FACT.

Slumdeezy: Cardinals

DRK: Eagles

Rory: CardinalsBoth of these teams got really lucky the first two weeks, so I predict one of these teams will get blown out. Might as well take the points (plus, I still have the girlfriend who roots for Arizona!).

DP Animal: CardinalsThe defense is for real, and the Eagles are very lucky to be 2-0. I expect the turnovers to doom them here.

Phanatic: EaglesThis will be a letdown game for the Cardinals. Can’t wait to see Kolb in action against his old team, or not.

FALCONS AT CHARGERS (-3.5)Stone: ChargersIt’s September and the Chargers are still winning? Whaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Slumdeezy: Falcons

DRK: Chargers

Rory: FalconsThey look like one of the top teams in the league. I’m sticking with them until proven wrong (which I usually am).

DP Animal: FalconsI don’t yet buy into the Chargers, but I do believe in Atlanta.

Phanatic: Falcons

TEXANS (-2.5) AT BRONCOSStone: TexansCan Peyton turn his neck yet?

Slumdeezy: Broncos

DRK: BroncosFetusHead will get his REVENGE.

Rory: Texans

DP Animal: TexansThis is a chance to find out just how good Houston is.

Phanatic: Broncos

PATRIOTS AT RAVENS (-3.5)Stone: RavensIf the Pats don’t step up, this one might get ugly.