I have figured out why pregnant ladies are barefoot in the kitchen–BABIES ARE FLIPPING EXPENSIVE! (Check out this article to see what I mean!) Who can afford shoes or take-out , let alone going out to eat, when planning to bring a baby into the family? I’ll tell you who can’t, us!

In my admittedly selfish, boot-obsessed world, I compare all major purchases to Frye boots, a technique I call Frye Math. In my opinion, Frye boots are not only the gold standard in boots, but also the gold standard in bang-for-your-buck. A nice pair will set you back about $300, but they come with a lifetime guarantee to back up the amazing craftsmanship. Perfection.

Now, I’m no ditz (most of the time). I’m a statistics super-fan and I do not support girls-are-bad-at-math thinking. However, I am not always good at putting major purchases in perspective, so that’s where Frye Math comes in. My shopping trips typically involve comments like this, “Wow, for that I could get a pair of Frye Campus!” or “I could get three pairs of Fryes for the cost of that patio furniture! No deal.”

Well, I did some quick Frye Math, and babies cost, like, 30 pairs of Frye boots. And that is just the cost of set-up before the show! So I’m counting after hospital bills and nesting costs, but before they (1) come home and projectile poo and vomit everywhere (note: add cleaning supplies to budget); (2) need new clothes and larger diapers; and (3) drool, crawl, and walk through cognitive milestones requiring new toys. Eep!

I can’t help but imagine what 30 pairs of Frye boots would look like on my feet. Let me tell you, they look adorable! Like this pair? Oh baby! And yes, babies are adorable too, but are they 30-pairs-of-Fryes adorable?

Silver lining: I now think I understand why “push presents” were invented. Patrick, you now have the link to mine. I’m serious. Add it to the budget. 😐