Trying to pull myself out of this

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Thank you for sharing your story. My baby was born on August 21 last year, and although I did seek treatment for PPD after about 2 months (including therapy), I really shouldn't have waited this long to get back on this site (I was diagnosed with depression 15 years ago) and see that I'm not alone. I'm so glad about the increasing awareness of PPD and treatment... but god when you're in it, that's all there is, just the constant sadness, always on the verge of tears, for me it seriously feels like my heart's being twisted and squeezed, it just hurts so much. And then you feel guilty because here's this beautiful innocent precious brand new little baby completely dependent on you, and you should be the happiest person in the world, right? As someone who's dealt with general depression for so many years, including suicidal thoughts (and a couple attempts) a few times over the years, I can say that the PPD was just the lowest of the low. I have to go back to work next week and I'm going to be a complete wreck. Despite this, I'm feeling optimistic, which I think means I'm out of the worst of it. But it is so easy to sink right back into depression. Anyway enough about me, my point was to tell you that I totally understand how you feel, and to thank you so much for sharing your story, it's one small consolation while you're in the middle of it all to know that there are other new mommies coping with this same thing.

__________________"They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm." - Dorothy Parker

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