Like straight up after everything that has happened, i am buzzed as fuck right now so i don't give a shit about spilling truth. So i'd figure i'd level with you. sure I like you a lot. like totally, but hell my best bro is in the hospital and could die.

three of my friends died in the past year I'm still hurting over my ex and shit is all crazy as a rhino orgy. so i have no idea if looking for girlfriend right now, not that you wouldn't be awesome in that dept, i'd totally go out with you, but that doesn't change anything for the moment. You seem to be rather gangsta. I'm rather gangsta myself.

I'm chill with playing videogames or whatever, there are few that I can trust at the moment, and I seriously think that you are worth investing time into though can be rather difficult to read which is totally understandable.

Fucking tired and sleep deprived slightly dissociative. probably going to play metroid until i pass out again.

Moved out of north hills finally and that enabled me to have more money than i've had in a looooooooong time. trying not to let it burn a hole in my pocket. but it feels good. Should be getting a place with Smash very soon if everything goes as planned.

Ugh. Getting stuck in the friendzone again with girl I really like. WTF!? any advice? I used to be good at this, but i haven't been single in a really long time lol. I jumped through major hoops for this one and still it seems to be getting more and more platonic. details if dialogue progresses.

I'm really thinking about giving up dating entirely and just focusing on myself and my art. I dunno. I've said that so many times, but now i almost feel a genuine apathy towards anything sexual at all. it just seems pointless. I have a lot of almost sterotypically feminine romantic desires when it comes to what i want from a woman, and that is all that could propel me into something. so there is this feeling of longing. fantasy. excitement. maybe i should just draw/write all this shit to fulfill my needs instead of expecting them from reality. I dont know.

these ideas have been playing around in my head for a while now, which has a tendency to distract me from what i should actually be doing with my time, but i suppose it is a good thing, considering everything that has happened in the past few months almost killed me.

a huge portion of my artwork has been either lost or destroyed by someone i used to live with which absolutely sucks. and my best friend broke my guitar and then threw it away without telling me. =/

other than that things are going pretty well i suppose. They're either really good or really bad. I'm anxious about tomorrow(today) and don't want to go to bed yet, maybe I'm trying to sleep through the world for a day.

2008-02-26 16:02:48 ET

random post of no functionality whatsoever. took psycho photos today with erica, if she permits shall share some.