Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I haven't visited any churches for a while. Not sure if I just ran out of steam or what but Sunday comes and goes and it doesn't hardly cross my mind to go. DH faithfully attends and fills his calling in the ward, I stay at home with our progeny. A few months ago I wrote about my fear of becoming committed to a church, but this is something different. Perhaps it is just complacency. laziness, or getting stuck in a rut. Maybe it is to avoid the awkwardness of a two-faith home. But it could be something else too. I was talking about it to a friend the other day and she said something along the lines of "It's like you are trying to prove to god that you still care about him even if you don't like your last church, so a new one will be proof." That really rang true. Maybe not proof to god, but proof to other people that I am serious about spirituality.

Maybe I'm losing that need to prove that I'm serious about spirituality.(Maybe I'm not as serious about spirituality as I once was? I guess that's a possibility too).I loved xjane's post about her particular brand of atheism; one that is a deeply spiritual form of anti-religion instead of a rigidly secular form of anti-divinity.

There is a multiplicity of way's to get in touch with my spirituality outside of a church if I so chose. As for a sense of community, there is likewise a multiplicity of ways to connect with the people around me that do not involve participating in a particular religion. (My friend, in that conversation we were having rattled off about ten suggestions off the top of her head).

Just some of my rambling thoughts that I needed to get out. That's all.(Meanwhile... I'm going to start volunteering with the local drawing studio.)