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Loss That Grows You

Searing loss can define us. It can make us bitter and angry or it can help us have an intense depth of compassion for others.

Three years ago today I held my sweet fourth born child. For 32 weeks I had wondered what this little man would look like. And now here he was. His fingers and toes so precious. His jet black hair resembled his father and his pug little nose looked exactly like his big brother. His tiny frame was perfect yet my heart ached.

Those 32 weeks of feeling him move and grow inside me had not prepared me for this moment of hushed sounds. His perfect frame that once held great life laid limp in my arms.

How could God let this happen, AGAIN? Wasn’t the death of my first born at 23 weeks enough (click here for details)? He’s all powerful, the Alpha and the Omega. He could of stopped it.

Is there a loss in your own life that has gotten you to go down this path? The loss of someone close? A broken marriage? An accident leaving you in pain? So many possible losses that can leave us questioning the very character of God. And asking ourselves “Is God good or is He cruel?”

As my husband and I wrestled through another loss of a child we too had to come to terms with this question. We cried out to the living God for answers and for healing of our child. Neither came but as we pressed into His presence we did find something.

We found a “Father of compassion and the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). Yes, He is the God of the Universe but He greaves with us. Why didn’t He heal our children when we cried out for His healing touch? I don’t know but I do know He is still good, He loves me and always wants to comfort me.

So often people will run to God in their pain but when He doesn’t fix it the way they want they assuming God is cruel. Yet they are missing out on the true heart of our passionate God that wants to journey with us in the pain and will bring beauty in the midst of the ashes.

As we journey with Him He heals our heart and helps us find peace no mater what situations are swirling around us.

Today as we celebrate three years since the death of our son Elisha let’s choose to journey with Jesus through our pains. Let’s believe that Jesus is good all the time, even when we don’t understand our circumstances.