Judge John Hodgman on Dedicating a Space to Flatulence

By Judge John Hodgman

May 31, 2018

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CreditIllustration by Kyle Hilton

Max writes:I would like you to order my 14-year-old daughter, Baby, to get rid of her fart corner: the corner in her bedroom she goes to whenever she needs to fart. I find it disgusting, but more important, it’s right where our cat, Hobbes, likes to sit.

I have changed your daughter’s name to protect her privacy and to set up a bad dad joke at the end of this column. It is a father’s right to embarrass his teenage daughter (mostly with puns), but this is dad harassment of a higher order. No one can deny another human’s right to flatulence. And while you do presumably own or pay for the home that contains her room, it is critical to her emergent independence and your own sanity to appreciate that you cannot control every aspect of her life any more than you can catch a fart and pin it down. Or, to make another cultural reference: Nobody keeps Baby from her fart corner. Sorry, Hobbes.

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A version of this article appears in print on , on Page 22 of the Sunday Magazine with the headline: Bonus Advice From Judge John Hodgman. Order Reprints | Today’s Paper | Subscribe