I get how a Muslim kid would be desperate for 72 virgins and booze, but whom does he plan to call when he’s dead? And is there a clothing shortage in paradise or what? If it weren’t full of beautiful naked people, I’d demand to go downstairs. The climate is worse, but the company is great.

(Just kidding – I don’t believe in silly notions of heaven or hell. Glory be to the Supreme God Thor, who welcomes brave various to the glorious hall of Valhalla in Asgard.)