Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2010 01:38:45 -0400 (EDT)
From: jacobmillertex@aol.com
Subject: Jacob Finding His Way: Chapter 41
{Jacob Finding His Way is based on mostly true events in my life. To keep
the story interesting for the readers, some events now in the story are
fictionalized. As I am writing this story, I am above the age of 21. If you
want a story with lots of sex, look elsewhere. This is a love story.
Any similarity to any other events, names, or life events is purely
accidental. If you are underage, (according to your state laws as a minor),
if this literature is offensive to you or to anyone around your viewing
area, or it is illegal for you to view such content where you are reading
it, stop reading the story. This story can't be distributed in any way,
shape or form without my expressed consent.}
Written by J.P.G.
Chapter 41
(ANDY'S POINT OF VIEW)
As I woke up, I found myself alone in the bed and looked around the room to
see if I could see Jake anywhere but he was nowhere to be seen. I crawled
out of bed and walked over to the bathroom to wash up before heading
upstairs.
I didn't see anyone in the kitchen or in any of the other rooms downstairs,
so decided to look upstairs for Jake. To my surprise, I didn't find Jacob
in his room either. In fact I thought, by the looks of it, no one had been
in here. Joey's closet and drawers were wide open and empty. I walked in
and closed everything, trying to make sure I could make things easier for
Jacob.
I looked out the bedroom window as I was closing the drawers to the
dresser. I saw the back door to what was Beth's house open. There was
someone in the house, but who was the question that needed to be answered.
Quickly I walked back downstairs and out the back door heading towards
Beth's old house. When I walked in I didn't hear any noise coming from any
of the rooms. Just as I walked into the hallway Jacob appeared and scared
the crap out of me. I took several steps back and almost tripped on my own
feet.
"You had me worried little bro! When I woke and didn't find you in the
bed, I started frantically looking for you all over the house. I would
never have thought of looking for you over here in this house."
I started looking around at the empty rooms that once were full of
furniture. "Boy not to sound mean or anything Jake but those guys really
cleaned this house out, didn't they? I didn't see moving boxes or any signs
they were packing up."
"That makes two of us Andy. I should have seen this coming before it
happened. What gets me madder now than anything else is that they took
what wasn't theirs to take when they ran out of here in the middle of the
night.
Don't get me wrong about this whole thing. Joey helped by paying half the
amount of this house. But every piece of furniture, from wall to wall in
this house, I paid for, not them. It wasn't given as a gift to Beth or
anyone in this house. And let me tell you that the furniture Beth selected
wasn't cheap.
I woke up this morning feeling bad about Joey paying half on this house.
Now with them taking everything with them, including the hooks and nails on
the wall I don't feel bad at all. In fact, Joey and his family got away
with a lot more."
I just nodded at Jake as we continued to walk the house and see the empty
rooms. The more that Jacob looked around the house, the more he looked at
ease! I found that weird but at the same time maybe this was what he needed
to get kick started once again.
Jacob stopped right in the middle of the hallway and turned around. I
heard finally what he must have been hearing. I turned around as well and
walked over to the hallway heading to the back door.
Just as Jacob and I entered into the hallway, we saw movement in the
kitchen. We stopped where we are standing and waited to see who was there
to walk out into the hallway. We didn't have to wait too long before Tom,
David, and Chase walked out. When I saw it was them I was actually able to
breathe once again.
"Good morning to each of you! You scared the crap out of us when you
walked in here!" Just like Jacob did to me, I spooked them to the point
where they started tripping over each other trying to step back.
"We didn't know you guys were here. Chase told us about the empty house and
we wanted to see it for ourselves. Tom and I couldn't believe what Chase
told us about the house being cleared out."
"None of us can believe it, but it is true. There is nothing left in this
house except the walls and anything that was nailed down. I am very
surprised they didn't try to pry those things off the wall or ground to try
and take with them as well."
Everyone nodded their heads in agreement with Jake. If they could have
taken the cabinets, doors, baths, and sinks they would have. Maybe they
just didn't have enough time to do so.
Jacob and I went back down the hallway and continued where we were before
we were interrupted. After we finished looking over the house, we all
gathered in the living room and just talked. Jacob tried to stay in the
conversation as best as he could, but you could tell when he was starting
to analyze things. More than likely he was analyzing what went on with
Joey and the way he left.
We heard my grandfather calling for Jacob from the back door of our
house. Jacob got up and headed out to the house again. He was trying his
best to hide the hurt that he is feeling right now. Still, no matter how
hard he tries to hide it, we all can see it in his face and the way he
walks around here.
"I know this is a weird question to ask, but I am going to ask it
anyway. The ring that Jacob is wearing on his wedding finger is his promise
ring to Joey. Both of them have the exact same ring and have been wearing
them for almost two years or longer. My question is why or when is Jacob
going to take that ring off?" David asked.
"David, I think the best thing for all of us to do is let Jacob decide on
his own when it's best for him to take that ring off. What we need to do
now is make sure we help him get over Joey as smoothly as possible. It is a
lot easier said than done. Even more so with these two because they were
each others first loves."
As we sat in the middle of the living room, we tried to figure out a way to
help Jacob get through these next several weeks. One thing was for certain,
we can't rush or push Jacob in any direction or try to speed it up. The
only way Jacob is going to be able to get through this and come out OK is
by doing it on his timetable and in his own way.
(JACOB'S POINT OF VIEW)
I walked out of the back door of the spare house to see my grandfather
walking towards me. As he spotted me walking towards him, he stopped in the
middle of the yard and waited for me to join him.
"Jacob you have visitors in the study. Do you have anything you would like
to tell me about what is going on with you in ROTC class? Two older
gentlemen want to speak with you."
"Not really grandpa! Yesterday, I let my anger get the best of me and I
stepped down from my position in ROTC class. Major Moore hit me at the
wrong time, and I could not hold back my true feelings at that moment."
My grandfather grabbed a hold of my arm, and we walked back towards the
house. As we entered and headed to the study, my grandfather told me he was
going to be present for this meeting. He feels that I am not in the right
mindset to be making major decisions concerning my schooling or anything
for that matter.
We walked into the study and Major Moore, and Colonel May stood up from
their seats. They looked at my grandfather and me as we walked in. My
grandfather pointed me to take a seat behind my desk as he took a seat
behind our guests.
As I sat down, I looked to see who was going to speak first. Since Major
Moore and Colonel May came over they should be the ones to begin the
conversation. As far as I am concerned, everything got dealt with
yesterday.
"Jacob we want to speak with Joey at the same time since he lives here. If
it is no problem, can you go and get Joey for us?"
"It wouldn't be a problem for me to go and get Joey, but he no longer lives
at this address. He moved out Wednesday and I don't know where he moved
to."
Major Moore looked over to Colonel May and then back to my grandfather
before Colonel May started to speak again.
"I am sorry if I have spoken about an issue that I should not have. Let us
just go ahead and speak with you right now. I won't make excuses for what
happened yesterday neither will Major Moore. The way I see it both of you
are in the wrong.
I am now getting a sense of why you had a short temper yesterday. Again I
am not going to talk out of step about what is going on here. What I want
to do is settle any issues between you and your instructor."
"Colonel May, I really don't have an issue with Major Moore. I know where
his bread and butter are and that is his teams. Since I am not part of any
of his teams, I am at the bottom. I am fine with that, but where I am not
fine at is being told that I am nothing and completely replaceable. To top
it all off, it was done in front of those I am supposed to command. I lost
all credibility and can never get that back."
"I see where you are coming from Jacob and that part needs to be
corrected. That is something Major Moore and I will speak in private
about. What I need to speak with you about is that you can't let your
temper get the best of you. Sometimes bad things happen in our lives we
need to leave them at the door.
"Both of you have things going on in your lives that you guys are allowing
to interfere with the battalion and brigade. I know one of the issues is
Cadet Lorain Luaveno. I won't lose a great battalion commander over a
company commander/drill team commander. I don't want to lose either of you
two, but I have to make a decision in this matter. I will, in that
decision, want to keep my battalion commander."
"I need you stay around Jacob, because I have big plans for you next
year. It all depends on you passing the brigade promotion board, but I know
you will. You have shown Major Moore and me your ability to lead and do
great things under pressure. I need that Jacob back, and I need him to
lead."
I looked at Colonel May as he spoke and realized I allowed my personal
issues to boil over to my duties as the Battalion Commander. I need to find
a way to put aside my personal issues and just lead. That is what a
battalion commander or any leader does when he or she is bothered about
something personal. I know I am not going to go into the military, but
still I like to do everything I do right. The hotheaded way I handled it
was not bad just from an ROTC or military point of view; it's bad for any
aspect of my life.
"Jacob, I want to be able to leave here today with this issue settled. When
you all return back to school on Monday, everything should be as it was
when you left on Wednesday."
"What are we going to do with the Lorraine issue? I did everything I could
to make it easier for her, but she just doesn't want it easy. At the same
time, I can see where Major Moore is coming from with the issue of
Lorraine."
"You are the Battalion Commander, and that decision is on your desk to
make."
"I think the only solution to this issue is pretty much in our face right
now. We remove her from all positions dealing with the Battalion from the
Company Commander position and any other board she might be on. The only
position and authority she will have is the unarmed drill team. She will
respect the Battalion Staff members, or any superior officer, that she is
in lower rank to. The bottom line is that Major Moore deals with her and
nobody else. I get what's best for the Battalion and Major Moore gets
what's best for the drill teams."
Major Moore looked at Colonel May and then back over to me. "I have no
problem with that at all. In fact, it is a great solution to our
problem. This change will go into effect as of Monday. You and the
Battalion staff will need to decide who will be promoted to take over the
Company Commander position."
"Once Lorraine is informed of the change, I will bring in the Battalion
staff and get that ball rolling. We have got to continue to prepare for a
lot that is upcoming and we don't need any distractions at this point in
time."
We all agreed to the changes that were going to occur in the battalion on
Monday. Colonel May also made it clear to me that I don't have another get
out of jail card. If I step down from my position again, both he and Major
Moore will accept it.
After we agreed with everything and settled every topic that needed to be
discussed I escorted Major Moore and Colonel May to their car. It seems to
me that Colonel May went beyond what he would normally do.
You know, by coming down to my house the day after Thanksgiving and talking
to a student, it showed me that I do have value. I certainly have never
heard of anything like that before. I really do believe this is the only
time, and probably the last time, this will happen.
(JOEY'S POINT OF VIEW)
I woke up on Sunday morning still in a clutter of boxes in my room. We
moved into this house so quickly that everything was thrown around
everywhere. I felt that I was suffocating in this clutter.
I got up and put on my shirt and started my way out of my room. On my way I
kicked boxes that were empty, or full of trash, or even some that were
still half way filled with things. I made my way into the hall and down to
the kitchen. I found my mom and uncle sitting at the kitchen table drinking
coffee.
I walked past them to get a cup of orange juice, and as I was heading out
my mom stopped me and tried to speak with me.
"The silent treatment needs to end Joey. You are no longer a child, but
becoming a man. A decision had to be made. You made it. Now, you will have
to live with that decision. But refusing to talk to me or your uncle is
wrong and you know it."
I looked over at my mom and then over to my uncle with disgust on my
face. At this point I can barely even look at them, let alone talk with
them. I know I am the one that made the decision but wouldn't have done it
if I weren't pressured into doing it.
"You want me to say something, fine I will. What I have to say you won't
like. I made the decision you guys wanted and I will have to live with that
and not you. I will get a girl and marry her and have kids. But again, this
is something I don't want and I won't enjoy either. Again, I made that
decision under the pressure you and my uncle here gave me. It's called
duress. So, I will do what you have asked me to do but don't get me wrong
on this. We will live in the same house. We will eat at the same table. We
will see each other every day, but I don't love or will I ever love either
of you again. You lost me the day you asked me to leave everything I love
behind. Once I graduate from high school. I am out of here. I will never
again return to this house or to you, Mom while we both are on this
Earth. You will get grandchildren, but these grandchildren, you will never
see. Think about that, woman, and see how that feels."
I looked at my mom one last time before leaving the kitchen. I left her in
tears as I walked out. She was now crying for what she had done. I have no
tears for her or anyone in this family. All I have right now is hate and
anger for my mother.
For the first time in my life, I can't stand being around my mother. The
last time I ever felt this much hate was with my father. I never thought
the day would come that I would hate my mom as much as I did my father
until now.
I grabbed my tennis shoes and walked out. I got into my truck and drove
away from the house. I had no idea where I was going because I didn't know
the city. Not only did we move out of my house with Jacob. We moved out of
the city and the state. I guess my mom feared the love that Jacob and I
had.
Our love is strong and will go across continents if it has to. That is all
I keep thinking as I drove around my new neighborhood. When I walked out
that door on Jacob, I could not look back, because I wouldn't have been
able to leave.
I have to figure out a way to do what my family wants me to do. At the same
time, I need to figure out how to salvage my relationship with Jacob. I
don't even know if Jacob will ever forgive me for what I have done. I know
if I were in his shoes, I wouldn't, because the way I did the breakup.
I wonder now if I would have gone to Jacob and told him about what was
going on with my family if he would have let me get with a girl to have
children. Jacob always has been there for me, no matter what. I believe he
would have allowed me to go and have sex with a girl in order to please my
family. Now this question will never be answered.
Not only can't I stand my family, now I don't have the person I have gotten
used to being there for me to lean on. What I need to do is quickly do what
my family wants me to do and have kids. Then, I need to go back to Jacob
and plead with him.
I need to explain to him what had happened and why I made the decisions
that I made. Even if that means throwing my mother and uncle under the bus,
so be it. I want to have a chance to get Jacob back. That is my ultimate
goal.
In order for me to reach that goal I will need to get started now. My heart
aches for Jacob, every single second of the day. I need to get back to him
as quickly as possible and doing all this quickly in order for me to have a
chance of getting Jacob back.
(Norma'S POINT OF VIEW)
As I drove up to Jacobs house I couldn't help but think about this
Thanksgiving. I can't remember the last time I had a Thanksgiving this
bad. I miss Andy and I would do anything to get him back.
I got out of the car and headed up to the front door. I knocked several
times, and there was no answer. I then walked over to Andy's grandfather's
house and knocked on his door. After my second knock, Andy's grandmother
answered the door.
"Ma'am is Andy here? I need to talk with him. Please ma'am, I would like
to talk with Andy if he is around."
"Young lady, Andy is in the back house with his grandfather, brother and
his brother's friends. If you want, you can go around the block to the
front entrance the house. Let me write down the actual street number of the
house."
She walked back in the house leaving the front door opened and shortly came
back with a piece of paper in her hand. She handed me the paper and said
goodbye as she shut the door. I looked down at the paper to see the address
where I was going. I got back in the car and drove around the
corner. Right away, I found the house. It wasn't too hard to find because
of the construction work being done between Jacob's house and this
house. It looked like they are joining the two houses to make one.
I walked up to the front door and found it wide open. I walked in and ran
right into several of Jacob's friends. They just looked at me like I was
some kind of Martian or something. I really don't blame them for the looks
on their faces.
"Sorry for just walking in, the front door was open. I want to speak with
Andy if that is possible." The two guys didn't budge at all. They just
looked at me, and then at each other. Andy's grandfather walked in from the
hallway.
"Norma, it is a surprise to find you standing here in this living room. Not
to seem rude, what is it that you need that brings you here?"
I repeated my request to Andy's grandfather. He turned and yelled out for
Andy to come. I really hoped that Andy is the only one that comes. If his
brother or any one else for that matter comes with him I will just simply
lose it right here and right now.
I didn't have to worry about Andy being with anybody. He walked up by
himself and looked very surprised to see me here. He walked over to me and
escorted me out of the house to the front yard before he spoke.
"Norma, what in the world are you doing here in this house, of all places?
You and my brother don't see eye to eye on anything. Out of respect to my
brother, you should not be in his house."
"Andy I want to speak with you and this is where you live. Maybe not this
house, but the house behind, I think. All this is very confusing to me, the
houses that your grandfather and brother own."
"Norma, you know where I stand right now about us. Unless you can get along
with my brother and take him as he is, there is nothing for us to talk
about."
As Andy spoke, I looked straight into his eyes to see if I have any wiggle
room on this topic. I could see in Andy's eyes that I didn't. I still
can't accept Jacob being what he is.
"Andy, this is not worth losing each other over. We need to sit down and
discuss ways that we can live with compromise. I am willing to compromise,
but not give you everything on this topic. A marriage is full of
compromises."
"What do you mean by compromise Norma?"
"Just like it sounds and what you think it is. I will let go of trying to
force you to leave your family behind. We as a couple can visit your family
at anytime as long as your brother is not in the group. Whenever you want
to visit your brother, you can do that, but you must do it alone.
As far as the wedding is concerned, I still stand firm not wanting your
brother or his boyfriend. You can spend some time with him in the morning
of the day, but he cannot be at the wedding or the dance or anything we
have dealing with the wedding."
"No Norma. You still want me to give up my brother and that I won't do. I
am willing to compromise, but not compromise my brother. If you want us to
be happy together, and marry each other, you need to accept my entire
family. There will be no compromise as far as that goes. When you are ready
to come to terms on that, we can talk again. So if you are not ready now to
do so, you must leave and don't come back until you are ready. I love you
Norma and I want to be with you. You need to be able to let go of whatever
anger, bigotry and hate you have and take my brother and his boyfriend as
part of your own family. If we are to marry, that is what he will be to you
and that is a fact. He WILL be part of YOUR family. Have you thought about
that? Norma, I'm starting to lose my feelings for you, so if you are going
to come to your senses on this, it had best be sooner rather than
later. There will come a point where it will be too late. I will never
waver on this."
Andy leaned in and kissed me on the cheek before heading back into the
house. I just stood there in the front yard, trying once again to figure
out what it was going to take. I will do anything except what he wants me
to do.
I got back into my car and drove off. I already got my rental and no longer
using my mother's car. One thing was for sure, I have a major decision to
make concerning my future with Andy. I just don't see myself doing what he
is asking me to do. I love Andy, but the question I have to answer to
myself is do I love Andy enough to accept that he has an openly gay
brother.
(JACOB'S POINT OF VIEW)
I noticed something this weekend, and that is, if I keep busy I don't think
about Joey. Whenever I am in the apartment downstairs alone all I think
about Joey. I have cried so much that I have no more tears when I cry now.
One thing is for sure is that we can't keep that house empty for long. If
the neighborhood kids find out there is an empty house on their block they
will more than certainly ran sack the house.
I decided to pull my grandfather aside and discuss what to do with the
house. After a long couple of hours of cleaning the house, we all headed
back to the main house. I decided at that point was the best time to speak
with my grandpa. I stopped him in the yard and let the others go in.
"Grandpa, we need to decide what to do with the house. I bought it for Beth
to live in, because I felt the downstairs apartment wasn't right for her
and Joey's sister. Now that they are gone, and I will never let them move
back in. We need to either sell the house before we add it to the main
house or do something with it."
"I understand where you are coming from Jacob, but don't you want to give
it some more time before you make this kind of decision? "
"Grandpa, there is no way I will ever allow Beth and her family around my
house and family. I don't need any more time to think about that. Joey made
it very clear last Wednesday on his future plans."
"Okay, if this is what you want, I will back you. I don't recommend you to
sell the home, because you won't get anywhere near what you paid for
it. What we need to decide is who could move in there."
We stood outside throwing names around on who we think should get the house
to live in. I will never again give a house as a gift to anyone. Whoever we
decide on to move into the house needs to understand that they will never
own it.
"Look, I think the best person that should move into the house is
Franseca. She works here five days a week, and now with Beth gone we might
need her to work on her days off or hire someone to work on Saturday and
Sunday.
There is no way your grandmother can handle two days out of the week by
herself. Not with so many people, and Jeremy, in one house. Your
grandmother is no longer young and should not have to work anymore."
"I agree with everything you just said, grandpa. We can talk with Franseca
tomorrow and let her know about the offer. We would like her to work the
two extra days, but not for extra money. We will pay her by allowing her to
stay in the house rent-free. We also need to place some ground rules about
the friends her children might have around."
For the next thirty minutes my grandfather and I stood in the back yard
coming up with some ground rules. We wanted to be ready with everything
when we made the offer to Francesca tomorrow. The main concern I have is
the friends that her kids might have around. I don't want those friends
running around in my house.
The final thing we agreed on is that my grandfather will be the one talking
with Franseca. He will be home when she walks in to work in the morning. If
she doesn't take the offer, we are going to have to find someone to work on
Saturday and Sunday. Mainly to cook, do dishes and straighten out any mess
we make.
After dinner instead of sitting down and watching TV, I decided to go up to
my room. This would be the first time I would be in this room since Joey
left except for the times I came in to get a fast change of clothing. As I
walked into the room, I shut the door and headed straight to the bed to sit
down. I looked around the room that I had shared with Joey since we bought
this house. It felt a lot emptier and lonelier without him. I can't or
won't make the same mistake with any other guy that I might meet. I won't
move in together with anyone.
I got up from the bed and started ripping off the sheets and blankets. I
tossed them into a trash bag and headed into the bathroom to do the same
thing with anything that reminds me of Joey. By the time I finished up with
the room, I have five large plastic bags full of stuff that would remind me
of Joey.
Instead of throwing the bags away, I thought it was best to either give it
to Francesca or Goodwill. All the stuff was nice and could be used again by
people that wouldn't be reminded of the memories that come with them!
I went downstairs into the garage and tossed the bags in the corner. I
grabbed several boxes and headed back upstairs with them. I grabbed every
picture we ever took together or of him and threw it in the box. I also
grabbed anything that we bought each other and tossed the items in the
boxes. Just like the bags, I took them down and stored them in the garage.
I jumped in my car and headed over to Wal-Mart. I need to buy pretty much
everything brand-new for my room. From new bed sheets, to covers, to
towels, and everything in between that I got rid of from the room.
As I walked through Wal-Mart, I stopped at the row of hockey equipment. I
flashed back to the time when we came here and bought all this stuff to
play street hockey. I started to walk down the aisle and stopped right in
the middle. I looked at the equipment and started to cry once again. The
memories, so many memories started flooding back to me again. We did so
much together. It was going to be hard not to walk by something somewhere
and be reminded of what I had, and have now lost.
I just stood there in the aisle trying my best to get control of
myself. All of a sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder that startled me. I
turned around to see who was trying to get my attention. At first, I didn't
recognize the guy. I knew that I knew him, but from where?
"By the look on your face Jacob, you can't place me. You have always been
bad as far as names are concerned. It will come to you, just give it a few
minutes."
Wiping my face, and trying at the same time to figure out who this person
was, I tried to think. The face and the voice I knew from somewhere. I knew
it, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then he smiled, and that smile is
all it took.
"Damn, you are Victor! I haven't seen you since I was at Austin High
School. You have changed a lot and for the better!"
I met Victor around the same time that I met Joey. In fact now that I think
about it, I met everyone that I know today about the same time, at least my
long lasting friendships I have in my life right now.
Victor was my same age and started with me in Austin High School. When I
first saw him was in PE class. My first day of freshman year I noticed him
right off the bat, and always tried to run behind him. I wanted to always
be looking at his butt and his legs. Man, those legs of his were awesome!
"I am surprised to run into you here Jacob. Once you moved away from
Austin, I thought I would never see you again. Are you attending school on
this side of town?"
"Yeah, my mother moved us to this side of town after that shooting at
Austin High for our safety and all. Ever since then I have been attending
Newman High School. It is the oldest high school here in El Paso, but I
like it."
"If you have time, I would like to speak with you. I will be attending
Newman high school as of tomorrow. I am so glad that you are attending this
school. I really thought I was going to be alone."
We started our way to the little restaurant inside of Wal-Mart. Basically
the only thing you could buy he in these little restaurants was soda,
popcorn and a bad cheeseburger. Still, you can sit down and take a break
while shopping.
"Jake, didn't Joey move to this side of town as well? Both of you left
Austin about the same time if I remember correctly."
"No, when I moved, Joey moved to Phoenix. And then he moved back at the end
of our freshman year. All that is a very long story, and we need more time
than we have right now. But yeah, Joey is attending my high school."
"That is cool to have a friend like that. It is hard to start out at a new
school in the middle the year and more so my junior year. I heard rumors
that you and Joey became more than friends after you left our school."
"We did and believe it or not, we just broke up last Wednesday. Don't ask
me why, because I didn't do the breakup. I was the one that got dumped and
it was done out of nowhere. So we are no longer together."
"Sorry to hear that Jake and now I understand why I found you the way I
found you. I know everyone keeps telling you that you will get over this in
time. It is going to hurt, and it is going to take a lot of time. I think
the best thing to do is to stay busy. Don't think about it because you
can't change it right now. So tell me about Newman, high school."
I sat there telling Victor everything about school. Somewhere in our
conversation, I stopped thinking about Joey. Victor even got me to laugh
and smile for the first time since Wednesday. He actually got me thinking
about tomorrow. I stopped thinking about the present and the future when
Joey left. All I thought about is the past.
As we started to see Wal-Mart getting empty of shoppers we looked at that
time. We both jumped up and headed to the cashier that was still open. As
we waited to pay, we kept talking about the next day.
Victor told me that he was actually in ROTC and on the rifle team. I hoped
he was in my class, so I didn't have to be with Joey tomorrow. As we walked
out to our cars, I asked Victor to meet me in the cafeteria. That way I can
introduce him to my group of friends and he doesn't have to be alone at a
new school.
As I drove up to the house, I saw the front door open. Before I could step
out of my car, everyone greeted me with a worried look on their faces. I
told them where I was at and what I had been doing. That seemed to settle
them down.
The minute I walked into my room, I did my bed. I headed in to the bathroom
and showered before going to bed. Just like the nights before, I did more
tossing and turning than I actually slept.
I wished I could get rid of the dreams, but that didn't happen. In fact,
the dreams were actually worse that night than they were the nights
before. I figured I was so restless, because I would be seeing Joey for the
first time tomorrow since Wednesday. I couldn't help but wonder how we were
going to deal with our friends.
I got up and started pacing around the room. I couldn't sleep, and I
couldn't force myself to sleep. I just didn't understand why I couldn't get
Joey out of my mind. Then I thought it could be that I didn't get closer to
our relationship. Basically, Joey threw me out like yesterdays garbage.
I walked over to my desk, sat down, and pulled out a piece a paper. I
stared at the blank piece of paper for a few minute. Then I started writing
a letter to Joey. That way when I see him tomorrow, I could just give him
the letter.
Dear Joey,
I am sitting here alone in our room, or what was our room, in the dark. I
never fathomed a day that we wouldn't be together. I never saw a day that
you would leave the way you did last Wednesday. I never thought you were
unhappy with me. I never thought you regretted the day we got together. But
now I see that I had blinders on during our relationship.
When I first saw you the day outside my mother's kitchen window for the
first time that was the day I fell in love with you completely. After that
day, I have never wanted anyone else except you.
I thought I was out of my league, and I would never get you. Then you came
up to me days later in the nurse's office. My heart felt like it was going
to jump out of my chest. My legs and knees were weak when I saw you. I know
if I had gotten up at that moment, I would have fallen on my face.
Then, you told me what had happened to you, and why. You were the first
person I ever told my darkest secret to. We almost right off the bat hit it
off. Once we got together. I was the happiest guy on this Earth. You were
the only guy I would ever want to have in my life and I did.
We have been through a lot together. You were at my side when I got shot,
and then I got told about my cancer. You never left my bedside through it
all. When I went in for the second time dealing with my cancer, because of
you, I am here today. Our love is what kept me going and fighting to live.
I survived it all, and then some. You went through my hell at my side. You
had your own hell from the beatings your father gave you, to the death of
you father. We stood those tests as well. We survived everything your
father tried to do to break us apart.
Then, my mother replaced your father. She tried everything to break us
apart. Once again, we made it through everything. From the demands she
placed on me to paying that kid at school to see if you would cheat on
me. we survived it all.
The day you left me, you said it was because that you never gave yourself a
chance to have love with a girl. What I don't understand about that is your
past actions. When you cheated on me, you didn't cheat with a woman. The
two times that I know of, you cheated with a guy. If you honestly believe
that you are straight, why didn't you cheat on me with a girl? The answer
to that question is easy you're gay, just like me!
I forgave you, every time you cheated on me. You told me that you would
never do it again. I believed you and took you back. The reason I did that
is because of the love I have, or should I say had, for you.
You took everything we built together and threw it out the window. You
destroyed everything we had in less than five minutes. You did what others
tried to do in the last two and a half years, in five minutes.
It is going to take me a long time to put myself together. You were the
love of my life and there will never be another that can replace you. But
just like you, I need to move on and put my life back together.
I want to leave with you a thought for you to think about. Through
everything we have been through, how could you make it seem so easy to walk
out on me that day? You made it look like second nature. Like water rolling
over your back, you threw everything we had away for a maybe.
I will pick up my heart, and some how put it back into my chest. But this
letter will be the last time I will ever talk with you or think of you. I
need closure, and this is how I will get my closure. I will always love you
and you will always have that special part of my heart, but I can never
forgive you. Just so you hear me perfectly clear; Joey, I will never
forgive you. I wish you all the best and hope the best will come for you in
life.
Always my first love,
Jacob
Hernandez
I folded the letter into an envelope and sealed it. I won't talk with Joey
tomorrow. Instead I will be giving him this letter. I really do hope he is
hurting as much as I am right now. That would be a little justice, just a
little, for me.
Sometime during the morning I got a couple hours of sleep. When the alarm
clock went off, I didn't want to get up. By the third time I hit the snooze
button, I forced myself to crawl out of bed and get dressed for school.
As I drove into the school parking lot, I kept an eye out for Joey's
truck. I know he is not going to park in the same spot anymore but still, I
wanted to be ready to see him. I parked my car in the same spot, and headed
to the cafeteria. The entire way over I didn't see Joey's truck anywhere. I
started wondering if he was going to come to school today.
I heard Victor yelling for me as I crossed the street to the Main
building. Just as I got to the door that leads to the cafeteria, Victor
caught up with me. We shook hands as we walked down the skinny hallway
leading to the cafeteria.
"Victor, when you get to the table please don't take a side dealing with me
and Joey. I don't know if the others know yet. If they don't, we are going
to have to tell them. And what I mean by `we' is me and Joey."
"Look Jake, I understand where you are coming from and I promise not to
take any sides. I need friends here, not enemies. Still with that said, you
are the one I know not Joey. So if it comes down to choosing sides, your
side is the one I will choose to go on."
We walked into the cafeteria and grabbed breakfast. As we walked to the
table I expected to run into Joey, but I didn't. In fact, once I reached
the table Joey was not there. So as I took my seat, I slid the letter back
into my book bag.
I introduced everybody to Victor and explained to them, where he was
from. Everyone accepted Victor right off the bat. We all started talking
about our Thanksgiving vacation and how it ended too quickly. I looked
around the table and smiled at myself. I don't know why I was so worried
about everybody finding out. I guess my mind got lost because everyone here
lives at my house except Toni. That means everybody knows and won't be
asking me about Joey.
I realized there was no way I would lose any of my friends. I will never
ask them to take sides but at the same time I know they won't abandon me. I
really have not given my friends a chance to talk with me. I know, they
want to, but they were giving me time to sort out my thoughts and feelings.
(GRANDPA AL'S POINT OF VIEW)
The house feels weird when all the kids are at school. With only Jeremy in
the house during the day it is way too quiet. Virginia and I got used to it
being just the two of us. Now we had become used to having so many people
around us.
I heard the front door open and shut. As I looked at the clock, I knew who
walked through the front door. I got up to go speak with Francesca before
she gets busy working. Just as I called her name the door bell rang. I
turned around and went to answer the door.
"Gloria! What a surprise to see you here on a Monday. Don't you have to
work? Between you ladies and the events of this weekend, I don't know if I
can take any more surprises. Please, come on in and have coffee with me."
My daughter and I walked to the kitchen to have coffee. The whole way down,
my daughter didn't say a word. She doesn't look angry, but she looks
confused and scared at the same time. We sat down at the kitchen table, and
she started speaking.
"Dad I am very concerned about Jacob! I know there is something going on
here, and I pretty much know what it is. You guys don't trust me, and I
don't blame you. With all the crap that I pulled on Jacob and Joey, you all
have good reason to not trust me. Please dad I am asking you to tell me
what is going on. Should I be worried about my son?"
"You have to understand the position I am in. With what has occurred
between you and Jacob and Joey makes it hard for any of us to talk with you
about anything. We want to tell you, but the fear I have of saying anything
is because of your possible enjoyment of the whole thing. It might sound
mean, but it is true."
Gloria didn't look happy at what I just said. In fact it looked like she
wanted to jump out of that seat and start yelling but she knows if she does
that she is out of here.
"Let me tell you what I know for a fact dad. I know for sure, that Joey and
Jacob are either in a big fight, separated, or no longer together. I know
that it happened before Thanksgiving and more than likely it happened the
week of Thanksgiving.
I also know that Jacob is taking it hard. I know my kids and their friends
think of me as a bitch and I totally deserve that. Still, I will never
abandon any of my kids when they are hurting in anyway."
"Gloria, you have proved that what you just said is wrong. I can't go into
detail because I don't know what occurred in your house between you and
Andy. What I do know for a fact is that when he got into trouble, you ran
and turned your back on him. I am not saying this with malice or to hurt
you. I am just saying this to let you know what I have seen.
I will go out on a limb here and let you know, what is going on. If I find
out that you use this information other than to be there for Jacob, you
will see the father you knew as you kids were growing up."
I sat there telling Gloria everything from the beginning to the end. I told
her what happened on Wednesday in the events that followed. I concluded
with Joey's family moving out of the house that Joey and Jacob bought for
them.
The whole time I was talking. I could see the anger growing in Gloria's
face. Every so often I stopped to calm her down. Once I felt she was calm
enough for me to continue, I continued with the story.
"Is Jacob back at school and do we know if Joey is attending the same
school still?"
"The first part of your question is yes. Jacob is back at school. The
second part of your question I have no answer for, because when Joey left
none of us even knew he had this planned with his family."
"Okay, if you need anything, or Jacob needs anything please don't hesitate
to call me. I won't say a word to Jacob and wait for him to talk to me
about this. I hope I have not ruined my relationship with my second son."
"Relationships between family members can be fixed at anytime. It takes
both sides to come to the table and put their differences aside. I have
said this so many times to you and I will say it again. You need to decide
if it's worth losing your son over whatever anger you have towards his way
of life."
For the first time in a very long time, I sat at my kitchen table and
talked to my daughter. We didn't fight about one thing or another. We just
sat there talking about ways to put this family completely back together.
I walked her to the door and said my goodbyes. I left the open invitation
for her to come anytime she wants as I shut the door. As I went to go find
Francesca, I could not help but think of the events that just happened.
I really hope this is not a ploy for my daughter to get back into this
family in order to hurt Jacob or if she thinks this is her chance to try to
set Jacob right, you know, put him on the straight and narrow and not be
gay.
(JACOB'S POINT OF VIEW)
During lunch, David reminded me about my doctor's appointment today. I
forgot that today my cast was coming off. I looked up at the clock and
realized I could barely make it to my doctor's appointment if I left right
away.
I hurried up and tossed my tray and trash in the containers and headed out
the door. As I walked across the street to the student parking lot, Chase
and Victor caught up to me.
"Hey there my friend, why don't you let me drive since you have a screwed
up leg for a couple more hours. We don't want you getting in too much of a
hurry and your foot sliding off of the clutch of the car."
I could not help but laugh, and nod in agreement. Victor slid into the back
seat behind Chase, as I took the passenger seat. Since it was lunchtime,
and this was an open campus we found out how hard it was to get off this
campus as students are rushing to return back to school on time.
As we got out of the parking lot and started heading down Schuster Street
Chase, spoke up and broke the silence in the car.
"Jacob I found something out, but I don't want you killing a messenger. It
concerns Joey, and why he is not at school today."
For some awkward reason, I started to worry about what Chase was about to
say. The way he started with `not to kill the messenger', and `why he is
not at school today'. No matter what has happened between Joey, and me I
will always worry about him.
"Over the years Jacob, I have gotten to know you really well and that look
on your face is a worried look. What I have to say is nothing bad at all so
stop worrying and just listen without any interruptions. I heard that Joey
not only left us, but he as well left the state of Texas. He dropped from
school on Wednesday before heading home. He got a copy of his transcripts
in order to enroll in his new school.
I don't know what state he moved to, but I do know he has moved out of
Texas. So I guess we won't be seeing Joey around. Trust me when I say this,
I want to talk to him, but now I can't. He has made these decisions without
any pressure from any of us."
"I know you are right Chase, and I won't get angry with any of you when you
come up and tell me anything about what you have heard. If they decided to
move out of this state, so be it. I wish him the best of luck and good
health wherever he goes." The rest of the way to Dr. Whitmore's office we
drove in silence. We parked in a parking garage and headed up to my
doctor's office. On the ride up on the elevator I checked in with Victor to
make sure he was okay. He joined our group at one of the worst times
possible. That is not his fault or mine for that matter.
I barely sat down when Dr. Whitmore, called me in. As I walked into his
office he smiled at me and asked me the normal questions about my
health. He then knocked on my cast and told me he would be taking it off
today.
Dr. Whitmore walked over to a table and started to pull it over to where I
was sitting. He moved the towel off the equipment in order to go to
work. Without any warning, Dr. Whitmore plugged in the saw and started to
saw through my cast. Not even ten minutes later, the cast got pulled off.
"The white skin will go away in time and your leg will be skinny for awhile
until you exercise it. Don't try and just exercise that leg and not the
other one. Just do everything normally and it will build back the muscle
and fat."
"Thank you, Dr. Whitmore. It seems as if you are always piecing me back
together all the time. I have said this before, but I mean it this time. I
won't get hurt anymore, I promise you Dr. Whitmore."
"I know you try your best not to get hurt Jacob. It just seems as if
trouble looks for you. Let me tell you now that your body can't continue
this kind of punishment. You need to take care of your body more than most
people do. You are my miracle patient, and I don't want to lose you over
something stupid like a fight. You have beaten the odds; don't get hurt or
killed over stupid things."
"I promise to be more careful in the future. I know every thing you are
saying is right, and you have been saying this since I left the hospital
two years ago. My eyes are wide open, and I promise you."
"That is all I need is your word Jacob. Now get out of here and enjoy your
holiday."
I got up from the bed and started my way to the door when Dr. Whitmore,
called me back to his office.
"Also Jacob, please tell your grandfather and family that you guys are
invited to spend New Year's Eve at my house. I am throwing a party for my
closet friends and family. I consider you family Jacob. So, I won't take
`no' for an answer on this."
I told Dr. Whitmore that we would go, and it is our honor to go. He smiled
and waved me off. I grabbed Chase and Victor from the lobby and headed
out. On our way down the elevator, Chase threw me the keys to my car.
On my way to drop Victor at his home, I showed him where I lived. I told
him that he was more than welcome to come around anytime. I also wanted to
set aside some time to really catch up with him.
As the week went by, I started to get into a new groove at home and
school. Now without Joey I needed to make a life without him. No one talked
about Joey at school or at home. The only time I had to explain what had
happened between me and Joey was when Toni asked why Joey hadn't been
around?
Toni took it really well. I didn't see why he should take it any other
way. He really doesn't know any of us well enough to take sides. We are
barely getting to know him. With his living arrangements it is a little
harder to hang out after school. I know that isn't his fault.
My grandfather spoke with Francesca about working on the weekend and she
said fine. She answered before my grandfather was able to tell her second
part of the deal. She wasn't only stunned but surprised of the offer. Of
course she said yes and set the first of the month for her to move in.
We are getting ready to take over our McDonald's restaurants at the
beginning of the month as well. My grandfather is still setting up the main
office. We didn't want anything fancy, but we don't want anything run down
either. We also want it in the middle of town where it is easier for all to
get to.
On Friday we found a space in an office building off of I-10 west. It is
the entire floor with several conference rooms and offices. One office is
for sure my grandfather's and the other is mine although I don't know when
I will ever use it.
After school on Friday, I met my grandfather at the Holiday Inn off of the
freeway. He set up a meeting with the managers and assistant managers and
he wanted me to be present. We decided to go ahead for right now and keep
the management staff of the stores. At any time we can make a change if we
choose to.
He wants them to understand who their new owners are. It isn't only my
grandfather it is I as well. I could not help but think these guys are not
going to like a teenager as their boss/owner. They won't respect me from
the moment they see me.
I arrived on time, and headed into the meeting area that my grandfather
rented. I walked in to see the room was already filled with our managers
and supervisors. I walked towards the front of the room with all eyes on me
as I did.
I found my grandfather there with several other guys. I knew some of them
as our attorneys, but the other's I didn't. Right away, my grandfather
introduced them to me. One was the CEO of McDonald's and the other was the
franchise president.
Right at five, the franchise president called the meeting to order. He
spoke for about ten minutes before introducing my grandfather as the new
owner of the McDonald's here in El Paso.
My grandfather got up and introduced himself before he got into his main
speech. Basically, he informed the management staff that they were keeping
their jobs and would keep them as long as the issues in their stores were
corrected immediately.
My grandfather pointed out, one of the store managers issues with her
management staff. Just last week one of her shift managers actually got
caught by the police stealing boxes of hamburger patties from the store
after hours.
He made it clear this kind of behavior won't continue. If they assume that
one of their managers is up to no good, they need to report them, and pull
them out of their position until a complete investigation occurs. Under our
ownership, a person is guilty until proven innocent.
He went on to tell them about the new office, and that is where the
supervisors were to report as of the fifth of December. The last deposit
under the old ownership was today, and from now on the deposits were to go
into the new bank.
Then, my grandfather introduced me as the other owner. I got up and looked
around the room to see the looks on their faces. To some it didn't matter
about my age, and to others you could see the dislike on their faces.
I walked over to the podium to say a few words. I basically just said that
I was looking forward to working with them. I will be going from store to
store and learning everything about the stores from the ground up.
When I do walk into stores I want to be treated like any other staff
member. I want them to show me everything from flipping burgers to running
cash registers and how to shutdown a store at the end of the
day. Basically, I want to learn everything from opening and closing
procedures and everything in between.
I stepped away from the podium for my grandfather to conclude the
meeting. I couldn't believe, as of tomorrow, we would own all the
McDonald's in El Paso. That was something pretty damn awesome.
It got me thinking about whom I would leave this business to the day that I
die. Normally you would leave it to your kids, but I won't have any. Now I
have to think about that and how to handle it. Maybe I should take a page
out of Joey's playbook and get with a lady to have kids of my own.
We left the hotel and headed home. Since we came in separate cars, I drove
my car home, following my grandfather. With just the music blaring, I
started to think about my future. One thing was for sure, I need to move on
and make a life without Joey. Enough with mourning the loss of Joey; it is
time to start living my life once again!
TO BE CONTINUED...
WRITER'S CORNER:
{We learned a lot in this chapter about everybody involved in Jacob's
life. It looks like Jacob is getting over losing Joey. Little by little, he
will get better, but he will never heal from that kind of hurt Joey caused
him.
I don't know how many of you readers have been into a long-term
relationship like Joey and Jacob had in this story. Both were fully
invested in this relationship for almost three years. To top it all off,
they were living together and bought things together in their
relationship. It is hard to lose anybody but even more so in the way it
happened here.
In the last chapter, we saw Joey breaking up with Jacob. What we didn't see
in full detail was the cause and the reasoning. Yes Joey told Jacob, in not
so many words, why. But in this chapter, we see in Joey's eyes what had
happened.
Why all of a sudden did Beth do a one eighty on the relationship of her son
and Jacob. All along I thought she had no problem with it. I guess I read
the entire situation wrong. I hope in the chapters to come we see what
really made Beth change so suddenly.
I also want to know if Joey was truly in love with Jacob. What is stopping
him from going back to Jacob? He has done it once before, and this time. He
has the means and the ability to do so. Is he lying to everyone about his
feelings? I really hope that question is answered also in the chapters to
come.
Just like grandpa Al said to himself after his daughter left, is Gloria
really turning a new leaf or is this a way she thinks she can sneak in
under the radar and change Jacob? If she is thinking any wrong, she will be
caught. When that happens, she will lose out on a lot more than she is
already losing out on. I really hope that Gloria is truly turning over a
new leaf and wanting to help her son; to be there for her son like a mother
should be.
I know the rest of the characters were pretty silent I this chapter. They
will come out and be in play in the future chapters. We have so many open
questions still to be answered and new ones opened up in this chapter as
well. I wonder what is to happen with that letter Jacob wrote to Joey. I
wonder what is going to happen with Norma and Andy. It doesn't look like
she is willing to compromise at all.
We have a new character on board here. Victor got written into this chapter
as if he existed in the past. Please don't go back to the past chapters and
see if he was ever there. The answer to that question is no. I just need to
get a character into Jacob's life that is not new to him. He needs to be
able to know the person in order to trust him. I also saw a mistake and
corrected it in this chapter. Andy's soon to be wife if all things work out
name got written I wrong in the last few chapters. I pulled up my
characters list and saw that I spelled her name at first Normal not
Norma. So please don't wonder what is going on, it was my mistake and I am
correcting it.
As always I can go on and on about the open plots in the story! If I do
that, I can actually write several more chapters. There are so many plots
that can take a turn at anytime. You might think it is going to go one way,
but is lands up going another. Don't miss out on anything, or you will be
kicking yourself for it.
There is a so much to answer in the chapters to come. Stick around and keep
reading the future chapters, and enjoy! Please email me and let me know how
I am doing at jacobmillertex@aol.com, Thanks!}
EDITOR'S CORNER:
Jacob asked the question about those of us that have had or have a long
term relationship (LTR). I'm one that has, in the past and does
currently. Back some 20 plus years, I was head over heels in love with a
wonderful guy. We had nearly seven years together that were happy and
filled with love for both of us. He left me in much the same way as Joey
left Jacob and like Joey, his leaving was the result of outside factors he
was unable to control. I could write a short story about the feelings and
the long term damage I suffered. Unlike in the story, I was given no reason
for the breakup. What is ironic is that I didn't realize that I still had
emotional baggage even some 20 years later. I didn't realize it until I
answered a phone call and HE was on the other end! I discovered in less
than 30 seconds that the deep love was still there. We are now friends and
see each other for a long weekend from time to time. My current partner and
I are solid for coming up on nine years. He knows that the "X" is no threat
so the "X" coming to visit isn't a problem. Well, enough about me.
I am so pleased that Andy has gotten his priorities defined and is sticking
by his principles. Norma just cannot be allowed to drive a wedge between
Andy and his family. I would be the first to tell Andy that if Norma can't
accept his gay brother that she is totally unworthy as a person to have his
(Andy's) love. It shows that she is a shallow and bigoted person unworthy
of the love of anyone that has a centered morality.
Enter Victor: What an interesting twist with interesting timing. Yes, Jake
needs a diversion and Victor along with the new McDonald's added to Jake's
busy life should be most therapeutic. Just noting Victor's enthusiastic
demeanor, I suspect that there's an aspect of commonality between he and
Jake that will provide some intrigue.
Gloria? One quick sentence: I don't trust her anymore than I would a
hungry lioness. Nuf said!
I hope that Jake is able to continue with ROTC and graduate with honors
from the program. Major Moore has a burr under his saddle that makes him go
off on whom ever is handy. Whatever that is needs to be addressed and I
think Colonel May has that situation in his sights. I also suspect that
Lorraine has cooked her goose totally this time.
Let us hear your thoughts and ideas for where the story needs to go. Jacob
and I relish each and every e-mail we get.
Until next time,
"Daddy" Rick