Snips and snails and puppy-dog tails;
That’s what little boys are made of …

When I found out I was having a son, I vowed to teach him to be gentle, empathetic and loving. In many ways he is. However, it seems as if Ryan, 2, can only take so much touchy-feely before his boyish ways emerge. The other day, for instance, Ryan, Zoe and I were playing in the backyard when Zoe, 5, noticed a fuzzy bug slithering along the patio.

“Mommy, mommy,” she called. “Come look at this cute little bug.”

The two of us were on our hands and knees, cooing at the cute little bug, whom Zoe named Little Cute Bug.

As she was telling me how she would become Little Cute Bug’s mommy and take care of the bug “forever,” Ryan ran over with his wild hair, his dirt-smudged face and his voice yelling, “Bug, bug, bug, I want to see the bug.”

He leaned over to examine Little Cute Bug.

“Isn’t it cuuuuuute?” Zoe sang.

“Isn’t it a nice bug?” I asked Ryan.

He looked at me and smiled big.

STOMP!

He squealed with delight as he smashed the life out of Little Cute Bug.

Both Zoe and I were stunned. It never occurred to me that he would intentionally step on a bug. Zoe never would have done that. In fact, she has cried at the sight of a dead bug.

But before I had a chance to contemplate my boy’s splat-action, Ryan scooped down and stuck his fingers in the bug guts and giggled. Then he stuck his slimy fingers in my face and and in Zoe’s.

Nothing delighted Ryan more than his mommy and his sister screeching “ewwww.”

Boys Are From Mars, Girls Are From Venus?

Before becoming a mom, I tended to believe that aside from physical differences, boys and girls were more similar emotionally and in personalities. In college, my second major was sociology and I remember a professor’s lecture on how parents, teachers and society in general tended to encourage, both overtly and subconsciously, boys to be more boyish and girls to be more girly. I never had a brother and rarely played with boys as a child because I was girly-girl, so this made sense to me.

However, now that I have a son, I doubt my sociology professor and the studies he cited, as well as recent research. Most boys and girls are just born differently–and I say that as someone who likes to think she is open-minded. The last thing I want to do is encourage gender stereotypes.

But when I’ve given my son a doll, he lugs it around by her hair, caveman-style, before flinging her back and forth or dunking her in a basketball net. My daughter, Zoe, likes playing cars but instead of making “vroom, vroom, vroom” sounds like Ryan, she will find one soft-colored car (the girl) and a darker, rougher-looking car (the boy) and she’ll create a conversation between the cars that usually ends with them kissing and falling in love.

Sugar and spice and everything nice;
That’s what little girls are made of…

The photograph accompanying this post supports my belief. It was taken last week on Zoe’s first day of kindergarten. The students were waiting for the teacher.

Zoe (far left) and the girls started gabbing immediately. They talked about their hair bows, backpacks and toys. Most of them, like Zoe, didn’t know one another. But that didn’t stop them from being social.

Meanwhile, many of the boys sat awkwardly and kept mum.

Now, I know you cannot pigeonhole girls and boys. Some girls will be shy while others will gladly stomp on a bug. Likewise, some boys will coddle bugs or chit-chat endlessly.

But generally speaking, I think girls and boys are wired differently from the day they are born.
Agree? Disagree? Any anecdotes to share?

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I think that they are simply born different from each other. I always say that boys are born with sound effects. My husband says that girls are born chatty, so what’s the difference? As noted, yesterday, we were driving through some construction and my husband was the one making noises for us going over the bumps and I was busy talking to him about the noises he kept making….

http://babytoolkit.blogspot.com adrienne

My boy would generally dislike the bug, and my daughter might eat it.

I don’t even want to know what that means.

Lindsay Weiss

Totally agree…my boy and girl are wired completely differently. Carter was born into a family of girl toys. Didn’t have a truck or car to his name for at least a year. He definitely played with the girl toys, but played with them completely differently. Polly Pocket cars became race cars…doll houses became something that Barbies jumped from etc.

Completely different wiring!

Andrea Lord

I too agree they are wired differently. And this is coming from someone with only girls! Observing the dynamics of a middle school bus stop is really no different from watching the elementary kids on their first day of school. All the girls gabbing about this, that, and the other, while the boys meander aimlessly, some sticking in pairs like the last two cheerios in a bowl… floating around together, not talking, not knowing why.

Craig

While I enjoy Kristina’s writing, I am a little peeved by this concept. Of course boys and girls have certain differences in innate tendancies. I think we perhaps all have known this all along, even when there was monumental political pressures making such ideas taboo in the 1970s-2000 era.

What peeves me, however, is the subtle anti-little boy attitude here.

I would also point out that the perspective that male-girl differences revolve around boys insensitivity, even violence, while the worst thing that can be said about female tendencies is that they talk a lot, is extremely narrow and not balanced.

It is true, that girls more commonly spread joy through their chattiness and ability to easily express affection. However, I would point out that females do not ONLY more often use friendly social-networking, but are dramatically more likely to be vicious in ‘relational aggression’ such as social exclusion, malicious gossip, or bullying campaigns in which an entire group torments a targeted individual (and often their targets are other females). Yes, men participate in these behaviors, just like there are violent women, but relational aggression is primarily a female domain. The social evolutionary reasons for this may have to do with creating appropriate social mores and ostracizing those who don’t comply, but they also have to do with personal gain and aggression toward competitors.

I would also point out that the flip side of some of the seeming insensitivity of boys is an greater likelihood to exhibit bravery in the face of peril, and a protective instinct toward loved ones. It is not ever discussed in the modern anti-male atmosphere, but men in fact not only share a protective instinct toward their children, but toward their wives and loved female family members.

People who have been influenced by political agendas will emphasize the negative tendencies of the group they want to target, and deny the positive.

I wish people would think before dismissing males, and especially little boys, either subtly or overtly.

My reason for making these comments is that my own son is a particularly sweet, loving little fellow. While my daughter is the love of my life, I have to admit her little brother from birth has been the more sensitive soul. I very much hope that he is more accepted as a male than my generation was. During the Clinton era it seemed as if the official attitude was that the only thing a man has to contribute to his children is the potential for abuse. It really bothers me when these attitudes are extended to boys. There was an advertisement for a woman’s program at the local YMCA where I live here in Tennessee some while ago which showed a little boy standing in a doorway, with the caption “…in 15 years, he’ll beat his wife.” If a record was made of examples of anti-male messages in our society, it would fill a 100,000 gig hard drive.

Hope nobody is offended, but I felt I had to stick up for the little boys out there.

http://www.mythirtyone.com/erinb Erin

I have 3 girls and the older two, age 6 and 4, are more girly and would like to look at a bug from a distance but not touch it. However my 19 month would probably poke it, taste it, and then stomp on it so maybe it is just an age thing or even birth order thing for Ryan coupled with curiosity.
However there is no denying the wiring in boys and girls is different.

Tricia G

Craig,

While I’m not offended by your comment,I might point out, it’s just like a “boy” to overly analyze and pick apart an article that was meant to be lighthearted and generalized. I think Kristina pointed out in her blog that these stereotypes do not fit all boys and all girls, they are generalizations. That girls will gravitate towards socialization, things they might have in common, and might not like things like bugs, guts, etc. And boys like it rough and tough, bug, guts and all. Again, generalizations, but she pointed out not every boy or girl fits the mold. And let us thank god for that why don’t we instead of getting all sanctimonial and putting the writer down. I have two boys, one of which is rough and tough, and would be the bug stomper every time, laughing hysterically while he watched the girls “ewwww”. The other which is a sweet, sensitive, empathetic child, but who can also hang with his boy friends, but just might run the other way if a bee comes near him. And I love them both for their special qualities both of which make me smile and melt my heart.

Tricia G

Oh and our “meet the teacher” night at kindergarten. While the principle was one the smart board making announcement, I noticed all the girls moved to the circle carpet and were sitting closely together, chatting, touching eachother hair, shoes, etc.(most of them never even have met before) and all the boys just sat in their individual desks, rattling their papers, playing with their new backpacks (toys), etc. I leaned over to my husband and whispered in his ear, “if this doesn’t tell the story of life I don’t know what does.” Maybe it’s true that phrase, “everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten.”

jennifer

I believe that their brain development has different paths and timing. (But) I’ve been reading Lise Eliot’s book on the matter, and she disagrees with these large innate differences; she says it’s culture that leads to the differences, which leads to more pronounced differences. She found very little bio differences, can you believe it?

Craig

Tricia, thanks for your comment. When talking about innate gender differences, the point I was trying to make is that girls and boys have natural noble and not-so noble tendencies, and I’d trying to caution against the modern tendancy to pathalogize boys and put a positive slant on girls’ behavior.

Both are delightful, one meant to complement the other…and like the author, I’m grateful to have both a son and daughter so I can enjoy the the full range.

Appreciate it for this howling post, I am glad I discovered this web site on yahoo.

Vania

Disagree completely!!! two individuals are different just because they are two different persons. I have a 5 1/2 year old girl and a 4 year old boy and she is more daring and fearless than he is!! He is gentle and sensitive, she is into breaking everything and she is tough! He loves butterflies, she is into building stuff! They are different not because of their gender but just because they are who they are.

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