How to Tell When Someone Is Nice: Answers for Teens With Autism

When people are nice, it means that they like you. When making a new friend,
choose someone who is nice to you.

What Do People Do When They Want to Be Your Friend?

When people are nice, they may look at you and smile. They may use words to let
you know that they enjoy being with you, such as "I like hanging out with you."

People who like spending time with you will say yes when you ask them to do something.
If they're busy and say no, they might suggest a better time to do something together
(like after school or on another day).

What if People Don't Want to Be Your Friend?

Just as people give clues when they like being with you, they also give clues when
they don't want to spend time with you. Someone who doesn't want to be with you will:

turn away from you

not look you in the eye

not smile at you

say no every time you ask him or her to do something together

tell you with words that he or she doesn't want to be with you (example: "I don't
want to play with you.")

If someone doesn't want to play or be your friend, that's OK. Leave that person
alone. Go find someone else to be with who wants to be your friend.

Are They Laughing at Me or With Me?

People who bully may laugh when you're around — but it's not because they're
being nice. They may be laughing at you, instead of with you. So, how can you tell
the difference?

Someone who is laughing with you enjoys being your friend. After you tell a joke,
they will laugh or say, "That's funny!" or "That's a good one!"

Someone who is being mean and laughing at you may roll their eyes and laugh or
look at someone else and laugh. They may not let you finish talking before they begin
laughing.

What Should I Do About It?

If someone is mean to you, leave right away.

If someone is mean to you on social media, in email, or in texts, don't respond.
Tell an adult you trust what happened. Someone like your parent, teacher, or coach
can help you figure out what to do next. Sometimes just ignoring a person who is being
mean can help a lot.

Choose to spend time with people who are nice to you. Don't spend time with people
who are mean.