Scotty McCreery misses his cue. Brad Pitt wasn't always a tragically overweight, dumpy-looking urchin with a comb-over. Kim Kardashian exposes herself to The Poors and learns the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Today's Gossip Roundup is sitting on the couch with some turkeys, playing video games and eating pumpkin pie topped with mashed potatoes instead of Cool Whip.

American Idol winner and Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade entertainer Scotty McCreery was so distracted by all of the inflatable floats and other UFOs filling up the skies that he majorly screwed up his lip-syncing job. And then everyone watching at home ran to their computers and uploaded the mistake to YouTube. [TMZ]

"Will Katy Perry Star as Marilyn Monroe on Broadway?" Or will she star as the Jersey Boys? [E Online]

Brad Pitt's ex-gf Sinitta reveals a SHOCKING SECRET: Brad Pitt is "beautiful with the most amazing body." Or at least he was when they dated during the 1980s. Now he's often mistaken for Jabba the Hut's twin brother Melvin. Just kidding, Brad! You look more like Jabba's cousin, Mervin. Just kidding! You look like Bradley Cooper. Just kidding! You're at least 97 times hotter than Bradley Cooper. Not kidding! [US Magazine]

Ashton Kutcher's hot-tub sex partner Sara Leal did not "torpedo" Kutcher's marriage to Neville Chamberlain. Leal was only a "bump in the road" and had no real strong opinions about conceding the Sudetenland to the Germans. So you just be quiet. [TMZ]

The picture shows Kim Kardashian, Zoe Saldana, and Jennifer Love-Hewitt serving food to homeless Los Angelenos, but the title only lists two of them. Guess which of the Stygian witches is the least important of the three, then click to find out the answer. In related: Kardashian was so moved by the experience that she's creating an Occupy Kardashian encampment in one of her spare bedrooms. [US]

"According to an EXTREMELY reliable snitch," Lil Wayne got married to his longtime girlfriend Dhea at a "non-traditional" wedding ceremony officiated by Bill O'Reilly and a chorus of seven Norse gods. Dhea is taking her husband's name and will now go by Lil Dhea Wayne. [Media Takeout]

The Black Eyed Peas are taking a break from touring to start a family with Josh Duhamel. First Fergie will start a family with him, and then the others will start a family with him. [ONTD]

Former Playboy playmate Ava Fabian—who is still being identified as a Playboy playmate even though she was featured in 1986, because some things stick for good (like that Cool Whip, to your hips! LOL)—is suing Neal Schon of modern-rock outfit Journey because he ran off with Michaele Salahi in defiance of the "marriage-like deal" he had set up with Fabian, supposedly, who knows. Courts in 16 U.S. states uphold "marriage-like deals," and California is one of them, so he better get out his wallet and prepare to hand over some of those "Don't Stop Believin'" royalties. In other news: All of the people involved in this storyline have very unique names. In other news: Schon should have been in Loverboy. [Mercury News]

Justin Timberlake will marry Jessica Biel if she says she wants to get married, but she hasn't said she wants to get married, so they remain unmarried, that's how communication works. Maybe she will propose to him. Maybe she is doing just that, at this very moment, via an engagement ring she baked into Justin's turkey-Stove Top holiday casserole meal. A glittering platinum ring, instead of the arsenic she usually sprinkles in her casseroles. [US]

Why did Beyonce scurry off to the bathroom 14 times during her husband Jay-Z's concert the other night? Was there a Playstation in there? Or was she dancing in a stall? "According to one witness, 'she took about 14 bathroom breaks…she barely stopped dancing!'" This person obviously followed Beyonce into the bathroom, which is strange. [US Magazine]

Miley Cyrus is getting rid of one of her old tattoos and giving it to her brother Trace. [Celebuzz]