JON VALLEY

The Ballad Of Zack And Jessica Lyrics

Now Zackâ€¦ he wasâ€¦ a high school dropoutâ€¦ but not the good kind, noâ€¦
Not the kind with vision, babeâ€¦ who knows where he wants to goâ€¦
And high school just kinda gets in the wayâ€¦ it kinda gets in the wayâ€¦.
And Zackâ€¦ yeah, he just didn't like being told what to doâ€¦
And Zackaryâ€¦ yeah, he thought he knewâ€¦ more than everyone elseâ€¦ about just about everythingâ€¦
He had managed to hide from even himselfâ€¦ the fact that smart people terrify himâ€¦
When placed in a corner he'd just puff out his chestâ€¦ and let testosterone do the restâ€¦
And hide behind his image as a bad bad boyâ€¦ a bad bad boyâ€¦ heyâ€¦
It'd carried him that farâ€¦ and he thought it would make him a starâ€¦ in life as it had with his friendsâ€¦
And so he split the sceneâ€¦ to chase some undefined wet dreamâ€¦
But it don't work the same outside the cocoonâ€¦ does it Zacky boy?â€¦
No, it don't work the same outside the cocoonâ€¦ now, does it Zackary?...
What you gonna do now, Zackary?â€¦ are you gonna party?
I said, hey, what you gonna do now, Zackary? â€¦ you gonna party?...
Hey Zack, I said, what you gonna do now?... gonna stay up all night?... you gonna f**k some pussy?...
Smoke yourself some weed?... make somebody bleed?...
Who doesn't look at you with the right kind of respect?...
Hey, Zackaryâ€¦ what you gonna do now?
And in a haze of alcohol, and pot, and trouble with the law, and odd jobsâ€¦
Zack had managed to shoot his wad into his womanâ€¦
Enough times to make him a father twice overâ€¦ by the time he was twentyâ€¦
Not that there was a wedding ringâ€¦ not that they stayed togetherâ€¦
And it was right around this timeâ€¦ that Zack met Jessicaâ€¦
And Jessicaâ€¦ sweet Jessicaâ€¦ so pretty in her panties, yesâ€¦
Was in the same boat as Zackaryâ€¦ neither were intellectually blessedâ€¦
In their mindsâ€¦ in their mindsâ€¦
She'd discovered at an early ageâ€¦ though it didn't take no sageâ€¦
To know the boys found her quite interestingâ€¦ yes, quite interesting indeedâ€¦
And the boys have needsâ€¦ oh yes, the boys have needsâ€¦ hungers to feedâ€¦
And when her tits started growingâ€¦ and her grass needed mowingâ€¦
And her private parts began to bleedâ€¦
They started sniffing aroundâ€¦ they started sniffing aroundâ€¦ oooooohâ€¦ they started sniffing aroundâ€¦
And Jessica, she foundâ€¦ that she could get what she wanted from the boys who were hauntedâ€¦
By her lovely young figure, yesâ€¦ but the boys wanted something tooâ€¦
There were things they wanted to doâ€¦ things they thought aboutâ€¦ every nightâ€¦
And those boys poor mother's plightâ€¦ was to clean the sheetsâ€¦ that the boys did secreteâ€¦
The residue of said thoughts uponâ€¦ either in their sleepâ€¦ or by their own hands that did creepâ€¦
Often, down below their own equatorâ€¦ if you know what I mean (spanking the monkey! )â€¦
And you know what I mean (spanking the monkey! )â€¦
And Jessicaâ€¦ she started giving inâ€¦ to the boys' thoughts of abject sinâ€¦
At far too early of an ageâ€¦ at far too low number of a pageâ€¦
In the book of her lifeâ€¦ in the book of her lifeâ€¦
Because you can only tease for so longâ€¦ before the boys get frustrated and move onâ€¦
To more willing pastures, so to speakâ€¦. And she let them in deepâ€¦
And many beds were made to creakâ€¦ (bed creaking in the backgrounds with sexual moaning)â€¦
By the passing of these thingsâ€¦ by the passing of these things ((spoken) â€œI'm getting close Jessicaâ€)â€¦
By the passing ofâ€¦ these things ((spoken) â€œyeahâ€¦ f**k yeah! â€) (Bed stops creaking at boy's cuming))â€¦
Good thing she was on the pillâ€¦ because the boys like to get their thrillsâ€¦
Sans the gloveâ€¦ au naturalâ€¦ bare skin to warm cherry pieâ€¦
Oh me, oh myâ€¦ oh myâ€¦
Now, I know what you're thinkingâ€¦ (Slut! )â€¦
But Jessica didn't see it that wayâ€¦ She just thought she was giving what she had to offer to her manâ€¦
Pleasing himâ€¦ keeping him aroundâ€¦
One wonders if she'd think the same if she knew her current boyfriend Rogerâ€¦
Was saying things to the other boys like, â€¦
â€œYou know, Jessica and I only really get along when my dick is in her mouthâ€â€¦
To hoots, and hollers, and high fives all aroundâ€¦ sorry girls, but it's trueâ€¦
But in the summer just before her senior yearâ€¦ it became clearâ€¦ to Jessicaâ€¦
That Roger just wasn't the oneâ€¦ to make her life fulfilled and funâ€¦
And, anyway, he had his eye on other girlsâ€¦ and she was so tired of casting her relative pearlsâ€¦
Before relative swineâ€¦ relative swineâ€¦ relative swineâ€¦
Rumors flyâ€¦ tensions buildâ€¦ cold shoulders givenâ€¦ text messages filledâ€¦
With sarcasm, and angst, and verbal spanksâ€¦ are shot at light speed through the airâ€¦.
And it all came to a headâ€¦ one night when Roger wanted headâ€¦
And Jessica thought they should talk insteadâ€¦ and they split apart at the seamsâ€¦
In one of those teenage fights that seemâ€¦ to mean so much at the time, but with the passage of timeâ€¦
Just seems like a drama filled, hormone fuelled, idiot-festâ€¦ let's go nowâ€¦

Old things fall apart and new things comeâ€¦ new things form when things come undoneâ€¦
And the light of day will help you find your wayâ€¦ for better or for worstâ€¦ for blessing or for curseâ€¦
Find your wayâ€¦

As for Rogerâ€¦ well he'd soon find another high school girl's mouth to get along withâ€¦
But Jessicaâ€¦ she didn't know it quite yetâ€¦ but she was done with the high school boysâ€¦
And having just turned eighteenâ€¦ and no longer being jail baitâ€¦ she wasâ€¦ shall we sayâ€¦
More open to mature audiencesâ€¦
And fateâ€¦ it was about to lend a handâ€¦ as two lines would converge on a nearby patch of landâ€¦
Ole, my friendsâ€¦. Oleâ€¦.
In the parking lotâ€¦ of a taco restaurant â€¦ two future lovers were about to meetâ€¦
In the parking lotâ€¦ of a taco restaurant â€¦ they would be as two cats in heatâ€¦
Jessica was there with two of her friendsâ€¦ getting a little tipsy andâ€¦ celebrating the endâ€¦
Of her five month excursion into Roger-Villeâ€¦ (good god)â€¦
And mourning the end of her final high school summerâ€¦
Zack was taking a break from topping burritos with sour creamâ€¦
To smoke a cigaretteâ€¦ after making a yellow streamâ€¦
And as he stepped out the backâ€¦ he did spy a rackâ€¦
And he was so happy to discoverâ€¦ it belonged to a beautiful girlâ€¦.
Yeah, whose ready for some love?â€¦ because the love train is coming throughâ€¦ oh yeahâ€¦
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4â€¦. From fifteen feet away their eyes did meetâ€¦
And sparks did fly however subtle and discreteâ€¦ but sparks don't equate with meetingâ€¦ no, no, ah, ahâ€¦
Though a window would open so fleetingâ€¦. As Jessica was experiencing a moment quite lameâ€¦
As her lighterâ€¦. would not, could not make flameâ€¦
Moments, of opportunityâ€¦ aw, they come and they goâ€¦
Like sands through the hourglassâ€¦ they move fast, not slowâ€¦
Good thing for Zack, who was pondering modes of attackâ€¦
He was as quick with a lighter and since he wanted to be inside herâ€¦
He made fast moves to give herâ€¦ that which she most desiredâ€¦
The gift of fireâ€¦ which she tacitly accepted with an inhale, an exhale, and a smileâ€¦
While all the whileâ€¦ checking out the bulge in his pantsâ€¦.
(Hotcha potcha borderlay, now, hotcha potcha borderlayâ€¦ now, hotcha potcha borderlay,
Now, hotcha potcha borderlayâ€¦ now, hotcha potcha borderlay, now, hotcha potchaâ€¦)â€¦
Flatteryâ€¦ will get you everywhereâ€¦ sometimes in this lifeâ€¦
And, as cheesy as it sounds, Zack would lay down the lineâ€¦ â€œhey there, pretty eyesâ€â€¦
And her friendsâ€¦ they thought he was being a little too boldâ€¦
But, Jessicaâ€¦ she was quickly being soldâ€¦ on the man in the uniformâ€¦ who smelled a little too muchâ€¦
Like refried beans, and cheddar cheese, and sour cream, and taco meatâ€¦ and things of this natureâ€¦
By some strange magicâ€¦ Zack had managed to parlayâ€¦ his smoke break into a first dateâ€¦
And they agreed to meet back there at tenâ€¦ which just happened to be whenâ€¦
His drudgery ended for the nightâ€¦
Jessica came back at the appointed hourâ€¦ against her friends' adviceâ€¦
Jessica came backâ€¦ looking for loveâ€¦ but prepared for viceâ€¦
Everybody knows that the bad bad boys will take you bad bad placesâ€¦
But the girls who like the bad boys just like the bad boysâ€¦
And Jessica, God help herâ€¦ she liked the bad boysâ€¦
Ha, cha cha cha chaâ€¦. Yeahâ€¦
Everybody... everybodyâ€¦ everybodyâ€¦ everybodyâ€¦ everybodyâ€¦ everybody knowsâ€¦
Everybody knowsâ€¦ that moths go to flameâ€¦ that girls who like the bad boysâ€¦
Gravitate to the same when they're singleâ€¦ and Jessica was singleâ€¦
And Zackâ€¦ he was a bad bad boyâ€¦ a bad bad boyâ€¦ a bad bad boyâ€¦
Hushâ€¦ yeahâ€¦ ahâ€¦ ohâ€¦ (like, I wonder how Jessica's date went)â€¦
Her friends had dropped her offâ€¦ so he had the only carâ€¦
But for the first half hourâ€¦ they did not make it farâ€¦
They sat talking in his car with an eye on the rear view mirrorâ€¦
To make sure his boss wasn't around while they discretely sipped beerâ€¦
That he kept on his backseat in a cooler nice and coldâ€¦
To numb his pain at the end of each day that he had soldâ€¦ chunks of his youthâ€¦
Precious morsels of his timeâ€¦. down the faux Mexican, fast food assembly lineâ€¦
And somewhere in between tipsyâ€¦ and too impaired to driveâ€¦
He suggested they pick up a pizzaâ€¦ and watch a movie back at his hiveâ€¦
An apartment he shared with his best friend Rickyâ€¦
Who was just leaving as they arrivedâ€¦ after having just made stickyâ€¦ with his girlfriend, Betty Annâ€¦
(Hey Ricky! )â€¦ how you doin' broâ€¦ You wouldn't happen to be staying out late by any chance?...
Because I kinda hope soâ€¦. I got you manâ€¦ I got youâ€¦ we dudes gotta stick togetherâ€¦
Zack's gonna get him someâ€¦ Ricky thought to himselfâ€¦
I already had my fill tonightâ€¦ so why not share the wealthâ€¦ by gettin' out of a brother's wayâ€¦
And after brief introductions and an acceptance of a sliceâ€¦
Zack and Jessica were left to their own devicesâ€¦.
Zack scanned the apartment because he wanted to make sureâ€¦
It was chick friendly enough for his chick de jourâ€¦
Meaning he hoped there were no cum rags to be foundâ€¦
As Ricky had a nasty habit of leaving them aroundâ€¦ after he and Betty Ann had had their funâ€¦
But it looked like they had cleaned up after they were doneâ€¦
So he got out a bongâ€¦ and they listened to some songsâ€¦
As they puffed on the magic dra-a-gonâ€¦ oh yeahâ€¦
Huffin' and a puffin'â€¦ they went huffin' and a puffin'â€¦
Huffin' and a puffin'â€¦ they went huffin' and a puffin'â€¦
Huff/puffâ€¦ huff/puffâ€¦ And it went a little something like thisâ€¦ yeahâ€¦
Inhaleâ€¦ exhaleâ€¦ inhaleâ€¦ exhaleâ€¦ inhaleâ€¦ exhaleâ€¦ they got stonedâ€¦
Inhaleâ€¦ exhaleâ€¦ inhaleâ€¦ exhaleâ€¦ inhaleâ€¦ exhaleâ€¦ they got stonedâ€¦
As they puffed on the magic dra-a-gonâ€¦ as they puffed on the magic dra-a-gonâ€¦
Then they cuddled on the couch to watch their movieâ€¦. feeling what the hippies used to call groovyâ€¦
And the evening, it, unfolded from thereâ€¦ a newly minted couple with hardly a careâ€¦
And that, my friends, is how these two metâ€¦ did they have sex that first night?... huh?... YOU BET!
What!... Brown streaked tighty whities layin' on the floorâ€¦
Jessica's pussy didn't know what was in storeâ€¦ because Zack really knew how to pound a holeâ€¦
Tighty whitiesâ€¦ on the floorâ€¦ flesh torpedoâ€¦ down the hooooooooooooleâ€¦

(Spoken): Now there are those that theorize that the reason that most men get so tired after sexâ€¦
And just want to sleepâ€¦ is that humans have evolved this way to facilitate the child rearing processâ€¦
Namelyâ€¦ as was the case back in the cave man daysâ€¦
So that the male didn't just leave after ejaculationâ€¦
There-bye â€¦ giving the female further opportunities to charm him into a lasting relationshipâ€¦
Through food, further sex, and blow jobsâ€¦ so that if a child resulted from their sweaty deedsâ€¦
It would have a greater chance at survivalâ€¦ having two parents instead of just oneâ€¦
To fend off saber tooth tiger attacks (saber tooth tiger snarls in the background)â€¦
Until the child was old enoughâ€¦ to fight off it's own would-be saber tooth tiger predatorsâ€¦
And thatâ€¦ the mechanisms are still there deep within our genetic codingâ€¦.
Causing the tiredness that occurs in most male humansâ€¦ after shooting their wadâ€¦

After the creamingâ€¦ Zack laid there dreamingâ€¦ asleep and restingâ€¦
As Jessica laid there fully awakeâ€¦ with thoughts of nestingâ€¦
A brand new worldâ€¦ had just opened up for herâ€¦
A brand new worldâ€¦ revealed in a night of passionate blurâ€¦
A world without parentsâ€¦ a world without rulesâ€¦
To insert herself into this worldâ€¦ Jessica knew she had the toolsâ€¦
To make Zack her boyfriend and live here herselfâ€¦

Senior year was set to beginâ€¦ senior yearâ€¦ she couldn't remember whenâ€¦
She was less enthused about an idea(r)â€¦ then she was about herâ€¦ her senior yearâ€¦
Senior year!... seemed like such a dragâ€¦ senior year!... how her father would nagâ€¦.
If she still lived at homeâ€¦ instead of hereâ€¦ if she attended her senior yearâ€¦

(Spoken: Tell us Jessica, how does a barely legal young girl rationalize dropping out of high school?)â€¦
Huh?...
Zack after all seemed to be doing O.Kâ€¦.
He was able just fineâ€¦ to make his wayâ€¦ in this worldâ€¦ withoutâ€¦ his high school diploma â€¦
He got to party every nightâ€¦ drink himself into a comaâ€¦ why couldn't sheâ€¦ it seemed meant to beâ€¦
All she had to do was set herself freeâ€¦ from herâ€¦ her senior yearâ€¦ her senior yearâ€¦
(Spoken: If only, Zack was her boyfriendâ€¦ but how could you make that happen so quickly Jessica?)â€¦
She developed herself a desperate planâ€¦ that would begin with the use of her mouth and handsâ€¦
She figured it would help to seal the dealâ€¦ if when Zack awokeâ€¦ it was to the feelâ€¦
Of her pretty young lipsâ€¦ polishing his nobâ€¦ If he awoke in theâ€¦
Middle of a blow jobâ€¦ oh yeahâ€¦ middle of a blow jobâ€¦ all rightâ€¦
(Spoken: That he'd lay back and think as she carried out the taskâ€¦
That she knew how to pleaseâ€¦ why he didn't even have to askâ€¦
That it would be goodâ€¦ if sheâ€¦ was aroundâ€¦ as he made animalistic soft moaning soundsâ€¦
(Soft moaning sounds in the background))â€¦
He was already coming to her conclusionâ€¦ when a feeling arose that clarified all confusionâ€¦
A warm ticklingâ€¦ within his tipâ€¦ the pressure built up until he thrust his hipsâ€¦ And sheâ€¦
Caught every dropâ€¦ within her lipsâ€¦ as if it was mother's milk upon which she sippedâ€¦
And Zackâ€¦ he was impressedâ€¦ that she knew the rules to followâ€¦
That mean girls spitâ€¦ and nice girls swallowâ€¦ (Spoken: nice girls swallowâ€¦ yeah! )â€¦
Ahâ€¦. Ohâ€¦. Ahâ€¦ Ahâ€¦ahhhhhhhhhhh!...
(Spoken: and from that moment onâ€¦ they were joined at the hipâ€¦
I mean, they started spending all of their time togetherâ€¦ and within two weeksâ€¦
She had dropped out of high school and moved in with himâ€¦ much to her father's chagrinâ€¦
Ricky didn't seem to mind muchâ€¦ there were, after all, two bedroomsâ€¦
And he was thinking about asking Betty Ann to do the same thingâ€¦
In one felled swoopâ€¦ Jessica had managed to leap frog into a brand new lifeâ€¦ a more fun lifeâ€¦
She had found her way out of the need for perseverance in favor of instant gratificationâ€¦
Needless to sayâ€¦ if Jessica had been given the marshmallow test at an early ageâ€¦
She probably wouldn't have done very wellâ€¦ that, however is a subject for a different timeâ€¦))â€¦
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4â€¦. And that's how Zack met Jessicaâ€¦ and that's how Zack met Jessicaâ€¦
And that's how Zack met Jessica-a-a-a-aâ€¦ Ha!... Bravissimo!

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Record Label(s): 2014 Jon Valley

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