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Friday, April 9, 2010

a completely innocent post

Or:I Can't Help But GiggleWhen Conversations with Children Go Badsubtitle: This Is Horrible, and I Am Probably Going to Hell When Dr. Krog Finds Out.

biscuit: I want almond milk.

me: You can't have almond milk.

biscuit: Why?

me: Because it's expensive, doesn't have the fat and protein you need, and has too much sugar.

biscuit: I just want some almond milk. I want to be like you.

me: Look, what if you put one of your almonds in this glass of cow's milk? Then it will be almond milk.

biscuit: YEAH! I can have almond milk! I will put my nuts in my milk and then drink them! That will be yummy for me!

me: No, drink the milk, but don't drink the nuts.

biscuit: Why? Daddy lets me have nuts in my mouth.

me: (spewsnarflewhah!?!) You can eat nuts, but you have to be careful, because they can make you choke if you don't chew them first.

biscuit: But after I drink my nut milk, then can I eat my nuts? My nice, salty, yummy, milky nuts?

me: (shooting almond milk out my nose and sure Dr. Krog will kill me for this post) Sure, buddy. You can eat your nuts. Just chew 'em up real good before you swallow.

*

Isn't that awful? I'm a horrible person. It just reminds me so much of Alec Baldwin's delicious Schweddy Balls. (It gets really good around 2:45, but it's all good. Good times. His balls are here for your pleasure.)

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Author! WICKED AS THEY COME, a steampunk paranormal romance and the first in a series, is now available from Pocket/Simon & Schuster! I'm also an artist, goof, geek, synesthete, steampunk enthusiast, and Libra. Do you want to know more? Check the About page.