Thursday, 1 March 2018

You are not a candle. You don't have to burn yourself to light up a dark space.

A lot of times we take it upon ourselves to save the world. There is a scientific term for it. Its called the 'Savior complex' or 'Messiah complex'. I like to call it 'Main bhi Superman complex'.

This is especially true for a lot of people who work in the development sector. It gets reinforced when all our friends and family keep telling us how 'we are changing the lives of people'.

Unfortunately this complex backfires on most of us. We tend to start believing that we are here to save everyone from their miseries. It gets to our head so bad that sometimes we assume miseries that people have and try to save them from those even when the person in question is perfectly happy with their situation. We have the urge to 'save' even when there is nothing or no one to save.

Savior complex, in the long run, does more harm to the stakeholder than good. Solutions of today become problems of tomorrow because the solutions that you had thought of were to surface level problems or to imaginary/assumed problems.

On a personal level also, savior complex is pretty damaging. It makes you wallow in self pity in case you are not able to 'save' someone from their problem. You tend to feel like all problems that people have are your problems and it is your responsibility to 'save' them from these problems. You feel guilty if you refuse to save them or do nothing.

It also feeds of our basic need of feeling needed. It feels pretty good to be needed, doesn't it? Well, its not always a good thing. It breeds over dependency without you realizing it.

Always remember, you only have to solve your own problems. Other people's problems are not automatically your problems irrespective of what relationship you share with them. Don't solve problems for them. Teach them how to solve their problems themselves. You are under no obligation to solve their problems.