PETA's Worried About Penis Size At The National Buffalo Wing Festival

PETA is really concerned about the future penis sizes of Americans, you guys, so naturally, the pro-animal group is taking their fears straight to the National Buffalo Wing Festival. Confused? We think that's the point.

In a letter sent to organizers of the annual food fest in Buffalo, New York, PETA demands that buffalo wings are kept away from pregnant women, citing an effect on the penis sizes of unborn babies.

“Findings published by the Study for Future Families showed that eating poultry during pregnancy may lead to smaller penis size in male infants," writes PETA. "Looking at dairy products, eggs, fish, fruit, bird meat, potatoes, tomatoes, vegetables, and red meat, researchers found the most significant link between chicken consumption and decreased penis size because of a chemical compound found in the meat. Furthermore, evidence indicates that heterosexual women’s sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size.”

We've said it before and we'll say it again: until we're allowed to go hands-on as a volunteer researcher on any of these penis size studies, we take all their findings with a grain of salt!

Let me guess, next they'll associate the same thing towards beef, pork, seafood, and wild game. The only thing that comes close to their claim would be the over-eaters who suffer from "peekaboo dick" - the growth of fatty groin skin folds that hide the entire penis from recognition. Ensue the mental picture.