Thursday, April 16, 2015

I got a new bike. Take that, automotive industrial complex!

So my Washington Post piece now has over 1,700 comments. I haven't read them, nor do I intend to, and nor do I even have to in order to know that many of them are completely fucking stupid. This is because we're a nation of idiots.

Sure, we may only be 28th and falling on the inequality-adjusted Human Rights Index, but there is still no better country on the planet in which to be born a complete moron. This is because we have these mobility assistance devices for stupid people called "cars," and our entire infrastructure is conveniently built around them. Cars are ideal for people of limited mental faculties because they're just large boxes with a great big wheel inside (not to mention entertainment and climate control!) and all you have to do is turn the wheel in the general direction you want to go and then stomp on a big fat "go" button with your foot. Also, if you see something you don't like, like a person, you just press the handy "angry" button in the middle of the great big wheel in order to express your displeasure like the bleating fuckwit you are:

"BWAAAAAAAMP!"

Best of all, if you bump into something, there's a whole system built around making it all go away. Ever had an "accident" with your car? Everybody from the police to the insurance company to the body shop will hold your hand and walk you through it like you're a kindergartener on a field drip. Also, they'll make sure you have another mobility assistance device to use while you wait for them to remove the blood stains from your bumper. Of course, this system doesn't work too well if you're riding a bicycle or, even worse, walking, but that's why it's crucial to remain inside your mobility assistance device at all times.

(We're not so much the world's policeman as we are the world's Six Flags.)

Just make sure not to question any of this, because anything that undermines the mobility assistance device system will destroy America. See, while you drive around in air-conditioned bovine bliss and occasionally bumping into things, the auto companies and the banks and the insurance companies are putting it all on your tab. So it's very important we remain a nation of idiots indenturing ourselves so that we can spend our days inside wildly inefficient depreciating assets owned by usurious financial institutions.

Hey, I do it too. I even have a satellite radio subscription. Gotta have my Stern, you know.

I'm old but not that old, and when I was a kid it was perfectly normal for us to roam around the neighborhood. Now, just a few decades later, I guess I'd be some kind of "free range" freak. Shouldn't be much longer until children aren't legally allowed to walk outside without an adult until they're 21, at which point they'll finally be released into the wild with six-figure student loan debt and absolutely no survival skills.

Anyway, enough about all that. Let's talk about bieks!

("Yay bieks!")

So yesterday I received a visit from the UPS guy.

It was cool, we hung out for awhile and did gravity bong hits, then he left.

But then I received a visit from another UPS guy, and he brought this:

Now I may have the easiest job in the world (semi-porfessional biek boggler) but I'm also the father of 17--no, shit, 18!--children, which means I can't just drop everything and assemble the new bike I'm really excited about. (Especially because "drop everything" in this case means "drop baby," which you shouldn't do, even though I'm sure some politician is proposing a mandatory baby helment law even as I type this.) So it wasn't until well into the evening that I was finally able to drag it into the basement, remove it from the box, and reverse-dismember it:

The bike was packed exceptionally well and there wasn't a scratch on it. It was also assembled exceptionally well before it was packed, so I didn't have to do anything except fasten a few bolts. Nevertheless, being a dunce, while installing the handlebars I managed to get confused by the shifter cables until I realized that they'd apparently been set up to cross under the downtube. (Unless I was even more confused than I thought. Either way, they cross under the downtube now, and they work, so I'm calling it good.) Anyway, here's what the bike looked like when I was done:

Before you pick it apart because this is the Internet, please note that I have not yet made the final saddle height or bar tilt adjustments or anything like that. That will come next. I simply wanted it out of the box and in one piece before I went to bed. Also, some bike dork notes:

--I chose Shimano 10 speed because all my other bikes are Shimano 10 speed and I want to be able to switch wheels. Also, I have way too many spare Shimano 10 speed parts at this point to consider changing at this point, it would just be a giant waste;

--I chose a compact crank because I finally hit "compact" about a year or two ago and I don't see that changing--nor do I see going single ring on the road, even though it's the rage with all the cool kids, and even though double is now the new triple, and triple is now the new recumbent;

--I put a Brooks Cambium on it because after a year and a half of using one I really, really like it;

--I specified "no crabon" because that's where I'm at right now in my life;

--I put mountain bike pedals on it because that's also where I'm at right now in my life. Consider my Ritte:

I enjoy riding this bicycle very much (funky finish aside). At the same time, my life has changed since I got it back in 2011. In particular, I've moved, and so now my typical road ride generally takes me on and off unpaved paths a decent chunk of the time. This means my preferred road tire size is now 28mm, and while the Ritte takes 28s albeit with little room to spare, this new bike has medium reach brakes and therefore lots of daylight between rubber and brake. Furthermore, given the aforementioned paths, there's not much reason for me to bother with road pedals when stopping for beer or coffee or I'm clomping around in thickets looking for a place to urinate. Best of all, when winter rolls around I can put full fenders on this bike instead of switching to the winter bike. Basically then, the Ritte can go back to being a skinny-tire "go fast" road bike (yeah, like that ever happens anymore) and this can be a "most of the time, grab-and-go" bike.

That's the idea anyway. It's silly to talk about before I've even ridden the damn thing.

Oh, I also chose black, because I like black bikes, and it's a matte finish, which I really like:

It even matches my Engin, which I'm not supposed to care about but totally do:

So there you go. I'll report back when I finally have time for a proper ride, Lob willing.

I love it!! You use "go-fast" bike, too! I thought it might be a one-off yesterday, but nope. It's here to stay, and for some silly reason, that makes me grin from ear to ear. I do ever so dearly love you, Snobi-Wan. You inspire me. :)

It's soooo pretty, yer new go-fast bike. I like mat black, too, almost as much as I love shiny things. It's a yin/yuang sort of thing. Um, and why aren't you supposed to care about the Engin?

Er, and my little guy has gone free-range since eight. He demanded to be allowed to make his own way to school as soon as the school legally permitted it, though several nosey mothers openly accused me of being an abusive parent, and reported me to the school officials! (Who totally backed me up, blessed be.) I did, in fact, shadow him for a couple of weeks, but he stopped his longboard at all of the appropriate places, and so I could see no good reason to say no to his demands for autonomy. To this day he much prefers a longboard to a lift in an automobile every time. Nowadays I hear from all sorts of various adults who know him that he is a remarkably responsible, independent young man. Go. Figure.

I just put a new 10 speed group on my old steel bike and it seems to work just fine. Doesn't shift as nice as the 10 speed grupo-san on my plastic beik, but the wheels are now easily interchangeable, and that's a good thing.

Crosspalms - right?! I noticed its meticulousness, too. Nothing sweeter than a clean and organised space. Well, cept maybe a clean and organised space with a few beautiful bikes in it. I recently took posession of a pretty, red, plastic go-fast bike with Campy ten speed bits, (happyhappyjoyjoy!!) and it is sharing a closet (an 8x10 closet) with Ti Baby and its Campy 10 speed hub. Unfortunately, that particular space has a very looooooooooooooooong way to go before it might boast such a clean and tidy floor.

Babble, that's awesome. I don't have kids, but I sometimes used to trail my niece when she walked to school "alone" as part of the family quality assurance system, and all these years later my cockles are still warmed by my memories of her proud and determined demeanor when she'd walk to school. I ride a '94 Marin with 7 speeds and a triple crank and Spank Spikes(when I'm not riding my omafiets). Now excuse me while I go look for my bifocals, Matlock is almost on.

I think your Wash Post article / opinion is great! Lot's of great, snappy writing. If only some of the other usual-suspect columnists (like C. Milloy) wrote like you did, it would be very refreshing.

Regarding the comments on your Post story, man, there is a lot of hate and idiocy out there. It always takes me by surprise. You are right not to read them! I feel definitely dumber having waded through some of them, and then decided better of it and came back to read your blog instead!

Snob,Sadly I was just as bad when we lived in a condo building. Everybody had a storage compartment, but I overflowed into the common area. I'm sure our neighbors were amazed at how big the basement was after I moved our bikes, my workbench, tools and miscellaneous crap out of there.

Started for my first ride on the go-fast bike. First pedal down and the derailleur broke clean off. Probly shoulda cleaned and lubed before going out.Go play with your new Mill Wookie, and may the free range freak be with you.

My town had a meeting last night to discuss walking to school. Apparently some hipster midwest natives after a short stay in Brooklyn made their way to my town. Now they will enlighten us on a new thing they invented called walking. It will take several meetings to organize and instruct all participants. Hopefully some test walks could be scheduled as early as spring 2016.

nice bike. from the tone of this post I'm guessing you probably did read some of the comments to your Washington post piece. If you really want to incite America's dumbest, next time do an article on gun control.

Hey Fred, you saddle is 0.001 degrees off, which will rip your scranus enough to get a prescription for steroid cream. Also, no dick breaks so it's not going to be UCI legal next year so if I see you going up Alp D'huez on this thing, I'm telling on you faster than Betsy Andreu.I'm watching you.

Kind of interesting: in a quick sample of the WaPo commenters, I saw that many are reasonably civil, most have strong opinions one way or the other, some have anecdotes, but very few seemed to grasp the argument being advanced regarding whether helmet use should be mandatory. They simply jump immediately to the pointless question, are bicycles evil, or cars?

Not really important what they think when they aren't thinking at all.

I curated a similar biek not too many years ago. Nice steel frame (for that "is real" feel), fender eyelets, mid-reach brakes (for fatter tires and fenders), taller head tube (to avoid Shermer's Neck syndrome), a triple chainring (I live near the mountains, and I'm old) and spd pedals (I got the ones that look like road pedals, but take mountain cleats).

I must have been clinging to some youthful ambitions, since I decided to outfit this sensible bike with a crabon front fork, wheels with just a few bladed spokes and skinny tires.

I hate the bladed spokes, after having skinned my knuckles on them a few times while repairing flats.

I've switched my tires from 25s to 32s, after being reminded that I am old during a few group rides.

And I'm regretting that I propped up the front end of the bike with a piece of plastic that is sure to explode at any moment.

Okay I DID read a bunch of the comments from yesterday's Post piece, which I thought was terrific and would begin a lively debate amongst the open minded well-educated readers of one of our nation's oldest and best publications.

Sounds like Jello Biafra took over BikeSnobs blog for the day: "Just make suURre not to question ANEEEEEY of this, because ANEEYYYthing that undermiiiiines the mobility aSSistance DEVICE SYSTEM will destroy AAAAMerrrica."

Once again this blog has changed my riding hygiene...I took a long commute from the burbs to the city today (past seaman & Cummings) without energy gels. I went with one of those big sesame-honey bars & had a piece every half hour. Results: One bad cramp near destination (I'm out of shape...doesn't count) Zero farting at work.

Snob, thanks for sharing the unpacking and assembling your new bike! I haven’t had that satisfying experience for over twenty years! (Yeah, my bikes are old…but still ass-kickin’ good! Steel, don’t-cha-know.) Your reception of the “Milwaukee” was good vicarious fun! Looking forward to your ride reviews!

I learn so much here. I didn't know what bladed spokes were till now, and now I know that my lovely shiny Campagnolo Shamal Ultra Gold clincher wheelset has bladed spokes. They're just flat, though, not sharp. How did you skin yer knuckles on em??!! That musta taken some doing.

Today I learned that the Zipp crabon crankset needs a special tool if you want to shift it from one set to another. Something to do with the bearings (ceramic) being outside of something else...

I also learned that Campy is no longer supporting ten speed clusters in Chorus. Bastards are trying to force me to upgrade to eleven speeds. Because if you ride yer bike any sort of distance over a winter you're going to have to replace the drivechain every year. And now you either have to upgrade to eleven speeds or downgrade to a heavier groupset.

Is it just Campy doing that particular dirty, or is Shimano pulling the same nonsense?

I should just ride a nine speed over the winter and save the ten (or eleven) for summer, and for the races. You see?! No matter how many bikes a girl has, she always needs Just. One. More.

Purty bike - It will look sweet once you add the lucid brake and kickstand pump scranus scrathcer. I do agree with the commenters on low spoke count - I hope the rims hold up for you.

As a result of random impulse purchases over many years I have 7, 9, 10 and 11 speed set ups from three different manufacturers - three different road shifter styles - two different types of mountain shifters. Confusion reigns.

I STILL like your Washington Post piece of Wednesday, and I like the way it has started endless arguments between earnest people & other earnest people, and between earnest people & trolls, and between trolls & trolls. "Let's you and him argue", as they say. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!

Also, I'm glad you like your new Milwaukee bike. It looks nice! But, and it always my pleasure to break the inevitable "But" in our card game of Bike Snob Hearts, I don't think you have really scored a point, or "taken the trick" against the Automotive Industrial Complex, unless you adopt some sort of xenophobic, anti-religious, bigoted viewpoint.

Henry Ford has a good head start, I grant you. But you mustn't lose hope, nor feel obligated to hate the Jews. That would be what we call these days, "derivative".

WCRM, I hope you will pour your local expertise into a a Bikecycling Westchester book. I wouldn't even insist on explicit route descriptions. The odd photo with a strip mall (darn, I'm sure I've passed that Sleepy's!), cemetery, or perfectly focused road sign, and we'll take it from there.

Andrew Burt, Toshiba America's VP of Image Sensor Business Unit, continues his "Eye on Sensors" blog with a second post on automotive image sensors. The post primarily talks about TU-Automotive Conference held in Detroit in June. Viet Hoa

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!