Who Do I Blame For My Problems

by Elizabeth

It is just so easy to blame parents, siblings, classmates, workmates when life goes topsy turvey. It helps to put the blame on someone else for personal failings but in the end you are the one who has to do something to make changes.

We are all conditioned by our families, environments where we were brought up. We might have been brought up in a very strict religious family, where all was black and white not grey. or else where we did not receive any religious instruction at all.

Our lives might be ordered, everything done to preciseness. On the other hand our family life may have been a muddle, every one just doing their own thing and getting there somehow or other out of the chaos of our daily lives.

There is variation in how people live, homes, occupations, city, small town, country areas. Mothers may choose to stay at home and look after their families, others will go out to work, juggling work commitments, and family life. The fathers may have an occupation where they work in or near home, or else they may see little of their children during the week.

No one family is perfect, no parent is perfect, children differ in personality and outlook on life. You may be born into a family and have little in common with them. Some parents may expect too much of a child, others may ignore a potentiality that child may display. A child may be at home more in another family where they may feel they fit in. The adults in that family will accept the child for what she or he is. and it may be easier for them rather than that child’s own parents to point out something that the child needs to know.

Our teachers are the next people who exert the most influence over us. We may tend to accept their opinions regarding our abilities and our shortcomings as they see them. There is many an adult who has been grateful to the teacher who went out of their way to help them when they were lost as children because the parents were just too busy or could not be bothered with the children.

Unfortunately too many adults carry baggage of adverse experiences they had as children, they have never realised that they could have been capable of so much more. They have been subjected to abuse and are angry with the world as a whole. They hit out at people who have never done anything to harm them. The parent who dealt out the abuse may have gone and it may be the other parent who did not know of the abuse who is targeted. The abused person may state that they are okay, that there is nothing wrong but underneath they are holding on to a lot of unhappy memories which they have often suppressed. If they have children, those children suffer because the parent may be inconsistent in their handling of day to day life situations that the problems are handed on to the next generation.

There is help out there for them to find, all sorts of assistance from trained and professional people. This help differs it is up to them to find a type of assistance where they feel comfortable and they have some control over the healing.

Years ago when people were suffering from upsets of various kinds they were put on to medication which often did not help the problems, only damping them down for a short time. They were left often bewildered and not knowing where to turn and feeling they were failures.

People can and do make changes, although it is very hard work and so much falling back. Give it a few years and look back, and see where you came from and what you have achieved although it has been slow and very very hard.