The Best Presidential Election Scenario for Libertarians

The best scenario for libertarians would of course be the best scenario for everyone in general, though most people don’t realize this because most people receive tax funds and would rather not have their milk supply cut off from the State’s nipple.

Here’s the best possible scenario as I see it. Hillary Clinton is sick as a dog, but she is still the best possible president, partly because of this. Julian Assange שליט”א is breathing down her neck and and about to make her life even more miserable than it already is, and forgive me for hoping that whatever remains of her sad life is spent doing nothing but staging personal battles against her accusers so she doesn’t have any time to kill anyone else in some foreign country or come up with bigger and more evil taxing schemes.

I don’t want her to suffer as much as I just want her to be totally preoccupied with defending (however poorly) her own sick (physical and spiritual) reputation just so she has no time to do anything else at all.

So the best scenario is as follows, as I see it. Hillary hobbles through to November while being beaten over the head by Assange and by the public for her health problems. By hook or by crook, she wins the election, and spends the her entire term fighting back scandal after scandal as her health continues to deteriorate. She is unable to pass a single piece of legislation, start a single war, or pass any executive order because she is too busy fending off attacks by a united Republican congress who do everything they can to stifle her just to spite her. She’ll be the greatest president since Nixon in terms of sullying the office, which is a very positive thing.

Go Hillary! If you’re voting, I endorse her. Just make sure you vote a straight Republican ticket to make sure she has the greatest opposition in Congress as possible. Make the branches of government fight one another so fiercely that they forget to oppress us in their preoccupation with one another.

For now though, she has to recover. I don’t want Biden getting in there and screwing this up. He doesn’t inspire nearly enough hatred for government. Hillary is the queen of that. I want her as president.