I just wanted to share with some of you some funny cabin announcements. Please feel free to add to the list. Lets see how many we can get!

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Denver...please use caution when opening the overhead compartments as you may be KILLED by falling luggage items, and that would create a lot more paperwork for us!"

On a lightly booked flight, with about 15 people or so on it, the captain would make this announcement a few minutes before pushback.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you could help us out by moving to the window, we would greatly appreciate your help...(pause) so we can give our compeditors the impression that we have a full flight today. Thanks for your cooperation."

Here is an announcment that was made after a real hard landing.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain seated as our pilots are much better flyers than they are drivers!

Here is one of my favorites. This was made on a through flight to Orlando.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, here at United the flight attendants are required to clean the plane on through flights and we could certainly use some extra help today, so if you would like to help, please indicate yourself by standing up before the seatbelt sign is turned off. Thank you."

There are more...and i'll post them later. Also, I've actually never heard these made on a flight, but some f/a's have told me about them being made.

On my flight from JFK to SJC last Summer, the AA f/a said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, good afternoon, and welcome aboard AA flight ### with nonstop service to San Juan, Puerto Rico (long pause, whispering among passengers) Oh, excuse me, I mean, San Jose, California."

Some guy yelled out "Yeah! Puerto Rico! I could use a vacation! Let's go!"

After landing from a gorgeous flight from ATL to San Diego, CA on a DL 757, the flight attendant came on an announced: "ladies and gentlement, we would like to be the first one's to welcome you to........(a pause for about 3 mins) and as we were rolling into the gate the flight attendant came back on and said, San Diego, and then continued.

I don't remember any of it, but on a Mesaba Airlines flight from Wichita to Memphis a few years ago, the FA's sung a rap song about the safety features of the RJ85. It was really catchy and every line rhymed. Has anyone heard this on their flight?

On a flight from Moscow with multiple stops, every time they'd use a different crew. And every time, the crew would say - Welcome to our plane. Then after 3rd or fourth stop, someone gets up and yells - NO - That's our plane, we've been her longer than you!

Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.

My favorites are also on Southwest, withthe all-time classic being (in the pre-flight announcements):

"There is no smoking anywhere on this aircraft, including the restrooms. Anyone caught smoking will be re-seated out on the wing, where they will be free to enjoy our double-feature movie: "Bye-Bye Birdie", and "Gone With the Wind".

Tom in NO (at MSY)

"The criminal ineptitude makes you furious"-Bruce Springsteen, after seeing firsthand the damage from Hurricane Katrina

On a Delta 727 in SLC, we had been delayed for about 40 minutes due to bad weather in the area and bad weather along the route. We finally begin to taxi out and the pilot came on and said...

"Ladies and gentlemen...Due to less than favorable weather along the flight path we will be taxiing out towards our runway, but will have to sit around out there for a little while until we are able to take off."

15 minutes later...

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a change in the winds, we must now taxi to the other end of the runway where we will continue our sitting around and waiting to take off..."

Virgin had just started flight from MEL to BNE and everyone was talking about how fun they were. On one flight after land they announced that we should be 'careful opening overhead lockers as shift happens during flight'

On a recent Aeromexico 757 flight MEX-MTY, after landing and waiting on the ramp for almost 30 minutes, pilot says: "Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the severe stupidity of the airlines's staff at MTY, and even though we have available gates, we will have to wait another 5 minutes to arrive at our gate"

Just yesterday on a Delta 767 going to Boston from Atlanta this happened:

There was a cold front causing rain and wind in both Atlanta and Boston. I figured there would be delays, but to my surprise we left the gate on time. The plane was pushed back and just as the movement stopped the captain came on the PA to say, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Captain (name). It looked like we were ready to go, but now there's a ground hold in Boston. We're going to be towed back to the gate. We'll have to wait there about an hour. We'll keep you updated as info is passed on to us." The plane moved forward to the gate. But just as we got there the captain came on the PA to say, "Well, we've got an update. The hold is off. We can go now." The plane hadn't even stopped moving forward! Now they were backing us out again. After being backed out the second time, we taxied to the runway. As we got to the runway the co-pilot said, "This is First Officer (name). We're number three for take-off. It should be only a few minutes. Captain (name) and I will continue with our pre-flight checklist. Now that we've practiced our ramp procedures we'll prepare for take-off... which we figure we'll only do once." All on board laughed.

Welcome aboard Southwest flight XXX with service to Las Vegas through MANCHESTER, BWI, MSY, Kansas city and Dallas.
Large male passengter stands up and yells (a little drunk) hell of a way to get to vegas.

There is a pilot that works for Olympic who's surname is Makaritis. Makaritis in Greek is called someone who has died. My best friend though it was a joke during a fligh but he then found out that it was his real name. Many passengers were afraid...

My friend Kate has just returned from a trip to Paris, on arrival the pa said:
"Would all British and Irish passengers remove any meat products they have in their baggage to help avoid the spread of "nose and mouth" disease"

A number of years ago on a flight to IND, we arrived late one night due to weather and a very tired F/A came on the PA to announce "welcome to....." and she went blank, however she had the mic open as she asked anther F/A, where in the hell are we? Every one heard it, however she went on to announce that indeed we had arrived at Indianapolis.

Once, we flew on American Airlines from Miami to the Dominican Republic on vacation. We had a really bad landing, and I mean really bad. We hit the ground and heard a loud BOOM where it sounded like a tire had burst. Anyways, the Captain came on the PA and said "There you have it"
-NGR

"Ladies and Gentlemen, as a special inflight entertainment service our f/a (...) will read poems by W.B. Yeats now for the next two hours. Those who already have enjoyed her readings before, know that the headphones are stored in the armrests."

I support the right to arm bears

25 EIPremier
: "We have a very strict carrion policy. If you have additional carrions, feel free to give them to one of our resourceful flight attendant, who will fi

26 N757tw
: Once on a flight from STL-MKE-STL on TWA, we had a crew that was hilarrious. They annouced to us that we had to ' discontinue the use of all portable

27 Gobind
: Last year on a vanguard flight after "heavy" turbulence, the captain says: "Wasn't that bad was it"

28 Heisan67
: On a flight on Braathens (BU) the female flight attendant said: "...nothing will be served between these two legs today" then bursting out inlaughter

29 EIPremier
: Arriving in Seattle on a foggy evening: "We thank you for your choice of X airlines. You may have thought you had a choice of carriers today, but actu

30 ScottB
: Most of these are from Southwest, of course: After landing: "We'd like to thank you for flying with us today, and the next time you want to be shot th

31 BlueJet
: Where in the Dom Rep? I was on an AA flight MIA-LRM (La Romana) and when we landed the piloy said... "Welcome aboard La Romana" and the in the backrou

32 ILOVEA340
: not oin the funny side but interestying. On a swissair flight from ZRH-JFK apon arrival the FA says "welcome to beautiful Newark" (theres two erros in

33 Tsully
: UAL flt 933 LHR-LAX 16 April 2001: "...On behalf of all of us at United, welcome to Los Angeles International Airport, which is in the United States

34 Ironchain15
: In January of this year, I took a flight from MCI to LAX with a stop at IAH. The flight from IAH to LAX was on a Continental DC-10 and the flight atte

35 Rootsgirl
: I like a little joke after a flight and when I make announcements I say "please remember to take all of your personal belongings with you, because wha

36 SophieMaltese
: A flight attendant on an international flight came on the speaker and said, "Help me, help me, I'm stuck out on the wing." After everybody looked out

37 Rw774477
: "Welcome to Denver ........ and please remain seated until the AIRPORT has come to a complete standstill" - CO rw774477

38 Boeing nut
: Oh man! These are too funny! Here's a couple .... On a TWA flight, we had experince a ground hold, and the flight was only about half full. The Captai

39 EyeSky
: Southwest used to fly between GEG and BOI in the mid 90's. I had only flown Southwest once before from GEG to SEA and hadn't really encountered their

40 ATL Traveller
: This really isn't an announcement, but I was on a Southwest flight once where the flight attendants were asking trivia questions over the PA. If you k