7 Ways Your Life is Like High School

Throughout life, we are trained to constantly anticipate the next phase. In 2nd grade they tell you that 3rd grade teachers won’t let you get away with switching from print to cursive in the same sentence. In 8th grade they say you’d better learn how to properly format your papers or else you’ll never make it in high school. But once you get to high school all they talk about is how ill-prepared you are to survive in college when college is just one long scare tactic about how frightening “the real world” is.

Well, jokes on them ‘cause I never learned any of that stuff. Then again, perhaps it’s all an elaborate ruse to distract us from the fact that nothing in life ever changes. Sure, we no longer have to buy our own markers and scissors at the beginning of the year but the rest of it is pretty spot on—especially when you look at all the ways that high school is just like real life:

#1: You Would Never Intentionally Choose To Be Around These People

There’s something to be said for diversity, but this doesn’t count. You spend your childhood and adolescence being herded into classrooms with kids who wear necklaces made out of impaled grasshoppers. You have to endure all sorts of annoying personal convictions like the kid in band who won’t sit near you because his European ancestors were oppressed by your European ancestors. When you finally “grow up” you think you’ll now have the freedom and autonomy to choose who you share your life with.

Wrong.

Now you’re sharing a hallway with a man you’re pretty sure keeps a gun in his desk and reading passive aggressive emails from a harpy with a silver-streaked bun atop her head. Just when you think to yourself “my God, are these people real?” the extreme couponer from the 2nd floor walks in your office to show you a panoramic photo of the 27 bottles of handsoap they just bought for $4.37. Yes, these people are real and no, you have no choices in life.

#2: You’re Pretty Sure That Nothing You Do Really Matters

There are two things I’ve retained from high school—one had something to do with how snails were crushed to make purple dye (possibly in the fertile crescent?) and the other was that some guy named Thales of Miletus invented math. Beyond that, I have no idea what else happened for those four years. There was a lot of instruction on how to properly cite webpages whilst writing useless research papers but this didn’t seem to matter when I could still score an A+ on an essay full of hidden references to various pop culture icons.

This continues to be something of a trend in the real world. While I occasionally involve myself in things that matter I also write a lot of reports no one bothers reading and review policies that no one cares to follow. When I take a two-week vacation, the only chaos is over the fact that I didn’t delegate someone to hold onto my thermostat key while I was gone.

#3: You Have No Idea What’s Going On When Someone Calls Your Name

In highschool this was the dreaded “having the teacher call on you” moment. If you were like me, you copped up to your ignorance immediately. I found it was safest to say “I have no clue” and then follow up with a “yes but seriously I have no clue.” The one advantage here is that if you play your cards right you can actually shift the blame back to the teacher for failing to properly educate you.

This doesn’t exactly work in the professional world because it’s no one else’s fault that you haven’t been paying attention for the last 20 minutes when you’re asked to chime in. You can’t exactly own up to the fact that you were distracted by a tweet about body image that led you to google Mary-Kate Olsen and that this somehow led to reading an article on offshore banking. Then again, if they didn’t want you to do such extensive research during meetings, why did they buy you a company iPhone?

#4: You End Up Doing Everything, Every Time

Group work, while endlessly frustrating, is actually really great preparation for future moments in your unfulfilling career. Just as in the high school days of yore, you can pretty much count on the fact that no one on your committee will ever follow through on what they’re supposed to do. No matter how many times you reschedule the meeting to accommodate their half-assery, they will report the same efforts and updates each time, and everyone else will be too distracted hoping that no one notices they haven’t done anything to notice that no one else has done anything either.

#5: You Are Everyone’s Favorite Topic

Or at least it seems that way. No matter what you do, someone is going to have an opinion about it. The guy with three DUIs is going to look down on the woman with a pregnant teenage daughter and the guy who beats his wife will think he’s better than the dude who once got busted for possession of marijuana. The truth is, everything you do is worthy of public discussion regardless of whether you are 17 or 47 so get ready to be judged for every wrinkle in your shirt and every fast food sack seen through your untinted car window.

#6: You Can Accomplish A Lot While Mostly Doing Nothing

So much is said to caution us from developing a habit of writing a paper the night before it’s due or waiting to study for a final until the end of the semester. And yet, this is actually an incredibly valuable lesson to learn because your 40-hour work-week will largely be consumed with trolling the internets, favoriting tweets, and planning vacations on Pinterest. Why work on something at a slow pace for 8 hours when you can crank it out in the last 2 ½ and still receive half-hearted appreciation from your boss? Think of all the wikipedia articles you could have read in that 5 ½ hours–now you’ll never know everything there is to know about the Palomares Hydrogen Bomb Incident.

#7: You Follow The Same Cycle of Motivation and Demotivation

Year 1 at Your New Job (Freshman): You have great hopes for your future, you take notes, show up everyday and are there on time.

Year 2 at Your Job (Sophomore): While you retain a certain semblance of ambition you’ve learned exactly which corners to cut and how little you have to do in order to get by.

Years 4-40 at the hell hole where you’re probably going to die (Senior): If you can’t find a good enough parking spot, you’re probably going to just go back home and get in bed.

Never underestimate the value of what you’ve been taught in school. There will always be “free days,” freaks, and frenemies—but it all boils down to how well you can avoid eye contact when someone asks for volunteers.

What did you learn in high school that is still relevant today? Do you ever feel like you’re constantly waiting for the next phase of life? How have you managed to convince people that you’re a functioning adult?

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Hahaha #6 is probably my favorite, I can’t lie. I really wish that #5 would no longer apply but I can’t seem to do anything without it becoming a topic of conversation. I’ll move a box from my front seat to the trunk of my car in the parking lot and some phlebotomist will ask me about it because she heard it from one of the social workers. Whaaaat.

Hahaha! I like your new label. That’s interesting… perhaps a topic that should be further explored, the way our labels change and yet stay the same as we navigate through life. Hmmm…. I’d say I probably went from being a “weirdo” to “eccentric” but then again I think I still get called a weirdo from time to time.

Hey, at least we get paid money for all that meaningless stuff now. That helps a lot. Now if a coworker holds an office party in his/her mom’s basement, that would really feel like high school. I’d do it myself, but Mom doesn’t have a basement.

You know, you make a really good point there! I like this fresh new perspective here. At least we are MAKING money, as opposed to PAYING it like in college. Granted, we get taxed so that future generations of time wasters can follow through the cycle… but let’s not think of that and just focus on the fact that we’re both on the internet right now.

Super post, Aussa. While meaningful employment is a wondrous thing, we often loose sight of the fact that the primary purpose of employment is to sustain ourselves and our families. I suppose a little comedic cynicism is more than justified, and you’ve delivered nicely on this.

Where did you learn of the Palomares Incident? I hadn’t heard of it, and quite enjoyed the read. Thank you.

So can I. I always chip in $20 when they flash the big yellow “we need funding support” thing. Wikipedia is the Internet Reformation update on the Library of Alexandria, to some degree. A treasure.

The cough syrup is the magic potion that makes the unicorns appear. *cough* I’ll get paid to STUDY and PRACTICE professional and technical writing all day. Only take a 25% pay decree with my second son heading off to university next year, and figure out how to make a living at it.

Speaking of which, did I send you the actual cover design / art for that future NY Times #1 non-fiction best seller that so haunts your inbox?

This is brilliant girl! I’ve equated working in a hospital to high school so many times, straight down to the dreaded cafeteria, but it really is everywhere! The hubs works in a machine shop and he has surprisingly familiar gossip chains, popularity contests and overall useless shit to deal with because of useless humans.

Your list was spot on and the evolution of the four years is great! Good stuff!!!

Thanks Dawn! It’s funny how so many different types of people and employment can relate to these sorts of feelings. I suppose we should be thankful that we have such cushy jobs to complain about, bahahaha. I’ve just started in on year four at my job so it’s all downhill from now.

I lasted three yrs actually in the hospital and then five “in the field”. Neither were very far from high school life. Now I work at home raising the babes. It can be lonely at times but refreshing when I do have to interact with adults and am reminded how much most of them suck.

Totally agree with everything on the list! The main thing that I learned in high school is that having a smart mouth is waaaay better than being the biggest or the toughest – I have very effectively been using my smart mouth ever since – sometimes it gets me into trouble, but is always there to help me get back out of it again! 🙂

These are words of wisdom, Linda. I feel like the only way I ever survived all levels of schooling was because I was the funny kid– a little dorky and socially awkward but at least able to properly mock our studies. This continues to work in my favor in this supposedly “adult” world I’ve been forced to join.

Well, you did have a couple of “Office Space” references, so I had to go there. Actually, there was a moment last week when someone was trying to print on one of the machines outside my office, and I heard them go, “Wait–what’s this?” and I said softly, “PC Load Letter?” right before they stared cursing. Sometimes I love being here. Sometimes.

I’m in much the same boat on my last few jobs. I have noticed with managers, too, that if you ask them if they’ve see “Office Space”, the majority either haven’t seen it, and those who have either don’t “get it”, or don’t find it funny. I even had a CFO once tell me that *no* companies “worked that way”. I actually looked at him for about five seconds and then went, “Yeah . . . about that . . .”

I was a #3 in high school and sometimes in life. I worked in medical offices and labs and disliked it very much. I dread the thought of ever having to go back to a 40 hour week. Love having my own business 🙂 Excellent post as usual!

Booooo you are not irrelevant, nay sir! I call foul! High school was just the absolute worst. I should have probably included something on this list about how it’s preferable to eat a packed lunch while hiding in your car than it is to go anywhere else with all the little haters you spend the day with.

Actually, for me work is nothing like high school. Everybody hated me in high school… at work I’m on pretty good terms with everybody. I would only actually spend time with about 2 of them outside work, but at least we get on okay while we’re stuck there all day. However, some of my colleagues did have a problem with each other for a while… to the extent that my boss had us all get into groups and think up rules for how to treat our colleagues. There was also a lot of bitching behind people’s backs at that time. I wouldn’t even go as far as high school… personally, I felt like I was back at nursery!

That’s awesome that you and your coworkers get along for the most part! But kind of hilarious that there was a point where you had to be sat down for drama mediation. I don’t have to personally manage a lot of people like that– I don’t know if I could navigate such a situation appropriately… no, I know I wouldn’t. I’d probably just give them all Nerf guns and tell them to battle it out.

My best friend in high school got kicked out of our typing class. This was in the days when we used actual typewriters. Ever seen one? He placed a pencil in the bay where the metal arms come up and strikes the paper. He struck the G key and launched the pencil across the length of the room and hit the typing teacher in the forehead. It was a total accident!

Hold the phone.
You had a typing class with typewriters?
Do I need to get back on Wikipedia for a history lesson?! I thought type writers were like world war 2 era.
*dodges whatever you just threw at her*
I have a typewriter sitting on my table at home… maybe it used to be yours 😉

I’m trying to get my 12-year old to learn to type. I told her she’ll be lightyears ahead of her classmates and have the world at her fingertips but she’s resisting because it’s “boring.” Well…yeah, it’s boring! Breathing is boring too! But you need to do it!

Typing class was definitely a legit class to be forced to survive– I must say I’m actually thankful for that one. And you are right about it not mattering– if only there were a way to communicate such things to the poor youths that are still imprisoned in those places.

Golden Aussa. The light at the end of the tunnel?? Eventually you reach an age where you know what matters and what doesn’t. You really don’t care what most people think, or how you are judged. What’s that saying?? “Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter” God it is hard to grow up.

I feel like with every passing year, month, minute, pico-second I care a little less about such things… perhaps that is the true value in growing up. I like that saying about who matters– it’s right on point!

That’s pretty much the definition of in-laws. For the most part, they’re nobody you’d choose to hang out with. Some family members are like that too, for that matter.

Seriously…have you ever had that happen? You’re in a meeting room with about a dozen or so people, you hear your name, you look up and everyone is staring at you and you don’t know why. Flop sweat.

In my case, the truth of the matter is that EVERYTHING I’ve done is worthy of public humiliation. Or was that your point all along?

The best part of ANY job is that first six month honeymoon period. You’re not held accountable for anything because you’re TOO NEW to have known any better. It’s a sad day when that fairie dust rubs off.

Here’s what I’ve managed to do: Have a career (half-assed, as it is) in the asset management industry without spending ONE SECOND in college and with only marginal skills. How did I do that? Because I talk a good game. That’s my skill.

There’s a lot of passive/aggressive bullshit in this post. I find it commendable. Well done, you!

Oh I have DEFINITELY had it happen where I look up and everyone is staring at me. My boss will actually just out me and be like “let’s move on before Aussa passes out over there.” I’m the worst about yawning– I know, it’s sooo unprofessional but it just happens about ten thousand times an hour when I’m in a meeting. It just happened right as I was typing that sentence, actually.

I remember you saying you didn’t go to college, huzzah!
I feel like I’ve seen it work both ways, really. Some people spend a lot of time and money on advanced degrees but they’re still battling the high school grads for a low-paying job. It’s hard to know the best path sometimes. Thank you for commending me on my passive/aggressive bullshit, there’s always more where that came from.

Not going to college is one of–not not one of, THE– biggest regret of my life. Don’t get me started. It totally fucked with my already low self-esteem. When you’re young and hitting on a girl and all the cylinders are firing, that question will inevitably arise: “Where’d you go to school?” Once you say, “nowhere,” they start looking over your right shoulder. Plus getting work without a degree on your resume is a friggin’ nightmare. I’m making damn sure my two daughters go to school.

Aussa, I doubt your yawning problem is caused by boredom. One of the triggers of yawning is increased carbon dioxide content in the air. That happens especially when there are a bunch of people in a closed room with poor air circulation. Some people are more sensitive than others to CO2 – sounds like you’re one of those. So next time tell your boss that if he/she had a healthy breathing environment in his/her boardroom, you wouldn’t be yawning. Threaten them with H&S – it is possible to measure that stuff.

Yep. ALMOST spot on. Except that I’ve found instead of taking years to reach that level of “senior,” it’s a matter of months…maybe like 12-18 months in total. And it’s more of a get-me-the-fuck-out-of-here; the next place, “college,” is going to be SO much better. Except that it’s not.

I think it’s our entitled generation. I’m okay with being entitled, though, because wherever I am, I feel smarter than everyone around me.

Haha! I know. This is incredibly entitled and whiny about being fortunate enough to have a cush job… my first troll ever said that I only ever whined about having first world problems, I’m sure they’ll appreciate this one 😉

And you are probably right about it being more like 12-18 months… I feel like I was this passionate little ground breaker for the first year or so and I’ve slowly transitioned into requiring gifts when people enter my office for a request.

I cut so many classes my senior year (of which were only half days to begin with) that I had 33 hours of detention….which I also got out of. My Health class teacher was a cute young guy who signed me off after a few lunch hours of grading papers. I had definitely learned how to use my looks to my advantage. I also learned how to beat the system. 🙂

Haha! Okay so perhaps that’s another lesson to be learned in high school– the power of sex appeal.

I started skipping class my second semester of junior year. Soooo bad. Me and my brother would have lunch detention pretty much every day, but I didn’t mind it because I usually spent lunch hiding somewhere anyways. My senior year….. I actually never went. I didn’t make it back after fleeing in the middle of enrollment.

Hahaha! Four years is right at that “gives zero F*cks” phase! I am just starting my fourth year here… and I remember when I hit four years at AT&T… yeah…. productivity is continuing to plummet toward record breaking lows…

Yes! That’s exactly right. And we just got word the heat in the building went out – it’s -11 windchill outside. It will take at least 2 hours to fix, and naturally we’re the last building at the university to get worked on. At least I’ll be too cold to fall asleep, I guess.

Office Space is absolutely my favorite movie ev-er. “It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care.”

I would have to say typing is the only relevant thing I learned in high school. Algebra, not so much. I can’t stop laughing at the #3 photo…actually, that’s how I looked during my Algebra class. Great post, Aussa!

Great post Aussa and so very true. So, at one job, where I was manager in a distribution warehouse, I structured the workplace and rewards systems to encourage efficiency and maximize production (with a heavy emphasis on safety) and trusted the employees to do their jobs as adults. My door was always open and they had communications with me 24/7 if they chose. Lo and behold, productivity increased, incidents reduced, morale grew, absenteeism disappeared and team work became the norm. You would think that the company would be appreciative, wouldn’t you? NOT. The managers of other departments started to complain, even my own boss set out to sabotage me. It got so bad that I spent about 75% of my time defending my crew and our systems. The complaints included such stupid things as: “Your employees are not taking their breaks when they are supposed to.” Duh, they take their breaks when they want and when it best fits their work schedule. (The unspoken issue being: who is watching to make sure they aren’t taking too long if their breaks are not the same as everyone else’s? Ever heard of trust?) One year, my appraisal was done by my boss’s boss and my boss was present to contribute. My boss started into me about worker breaks, my lack of control of my employees (Where is John? How the hell should I know – he’s doing his job and could be anywhere in the 350,000 sq ft whse.) Anyway, I loaded up and started to fire back – increased productivity (250% increase in 3 years), decreased safety issues (actually went full years without a single incident), decreased absenteeism (so low in my dept that it was only a small fraction of the next best dept), decreased resource used to do 2.5 times as much work, increased morale (turnover to zero) etc, etc. My boss’s boss was flabbergasted and my boss got so upset, he literally left the room in tears. I got my full bonus that year but it became more and more difficult the better we got. I had no choice but to get out of that job. That’s what happens when you try to work as an adult with a bunch of high school students. It’s not sustainable

Gah, that is nuts but I find it absolutely believable– especially since it sounds like your boss was the king of micromanaging. Your take on supervising and leading your people is right up my alley but there are a lot of people who climb the ranks for the sole purpose of lording over everyone and they don’t see the value in creating a team that gets along and trusts each other. Good thing you got out of there!

I was a nerd in high school. I wasn’t one of the cool kids and rarely participated in school activities. I went home and played games with the family and read. So, I still am. Something my kids never hesitate to point out to me. My wife has said that I was the kind of boy she wouldn’t have dated in high school. To which I want to point out to all of them … yes, and this nerd is the one who provides for all of you “cool” people. Your right, high school is like life. The cool people never get how dependent they are on the nerds.

That’s a really good point about the cool people’s needs of the less-than-cool. I wouldn’t say I was a nerd but I definitely didn’t ever do anything but keep my head down, try to survive, and then get out of there as soon as possible. So funny that your wife said that to you… I’m pretty sure I said something similar to my boyfriend hahaha

“The one advantage here is that if you play your cards right you can actually shift the blame back to the teacher for failing to properly educate you.”—Ha, love your style. If only I’d thought of that all those times I clammed up.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have great work environments colleague-wise. Plus, I’ve always been so busy at work, flying around too quickly for anyone to tap me in conversations about their coupon savings!

I actually feel really bad for my teachers now that I think about it– and also now that I have friends who are teachers and they tell me all their horror stories! I don’t think I was thaaat bad of a student but damn, I could be surly.

I’m glad you’ve had good work environments— and it is sooo nice to be busy sometimes!

On the flip side, Aussa, was my tendency to think “I never learn” when I opened my pie hole at a meeting and ended up making the process drag on another half hour, of which every other colleague not at the head of the room was killing me with their stink-eye. I should have had that trap-shut down since the entire junior-high class ostracized me when I spoke up to the teacher’s rote and lackadaisacal “any other questions?”

You know, I immediately wanted to agree with number five – but then I remembered that we all have this ‘fear’ that other people are talking about us, which is intrinsically egotistical and sometimes I have to remind myself that -i’m just not that important-.

Brilliant. I remember that dread of having your name called. I remember avoiding making eye contact with the teacher, which REALLY? I also remember using your tactic of “I have no idea, no srsly” but it was in university,when for some reason I had to prove that I can’t swim so they’d put me in the “can’t swim” group. (They made us take two semesters of sports in university). FYI, in sports “I have no idea” doesn’t work. They’ll still ask for proof and you’ll have to provide it.

Love your observation, but I lied. Ish. I don’t “sink” can’t swim I “can’t-hold-my-head-underwater-or-swim-longer-than-five-minutes-or-anywhere-my-feet-can’t-touch-the-ground” can’t swim. But I do love that potentially lethal quality about us. And that we share it. 😀

It’s either very good or very bad to hear that other people’s jobs are as soul-crushing as mine! I am in year 3; and this morning I looked outside and saw that I would have to shovel 7 inches of snow from around the wheels of my car and I texted my coworker that I couldn’t possibly make it in and went back to bed.

Haha oh I am so jealous of you right now. I’ve been looking out my window every morning, praying some sort of massive tree has fallen on top of my car so that I can be stranded but as of yet I haven’t been so lucky.

I sucked at reading the paperwork and crap that the school would send home with me. I suck at paperwork in general.

Now my children bring home piles of paperwork. I shuffle it to the side and ignore it. I have a friend who calls and reminds me of things like, “There’s no school today” or “Their lunch money is due” and so I’m never late.

I fool everyone but her into thinking I’m a functioning adult who pays attention.

Oh no. Kids come with paperwork? Add this to the list of terrifying things that have to do with parenting. Shouldn’t there just be some sort of iPhone app that allows you to briefly scroll through any and all child-related notifications and check on a “yes” box for field trips?

Girlll! You know hoe to brighten my day at my job. #6 gives me life hunny. I promise that is the truth times 10. Plus #3 was me ever since I was born haha every time it never fails .When my name is called I give that ‘Wait a minute what?” face hahaha good read!

Haha! I’m so glad you’re reading this while at work 😉 I figured this would be a good post to publish in the early morning hours hahaha. And oh, the “wait a minute what” face is like a constant fixture in my life, alternating with the “REALLY?!” face I’m giving the rest of the time.

This is super weird, because just last night I found myself digging out my yearbooks from high school (research on someone I saw on Facebook, don’t ask) and then I ended up reading what people wrote in them, which led to making tally marks of how many times I was called some variation of goofball, weird, or nut. There were a lot. I’m still trying to figure out if “Most Unforgettable” was a compliment or a sneaky insult. So, yeah, not much has changed around here. Except now I work from home and don’t have to see anybody or get dressed and those are two of my favorite things!

Haha I think that the most interesting people in the world are probably those who are called goofball, weird, and nut. I’m stewing in envy over here that you work from home and don’t necessarily have to put on pants every day. *weeps*

Aussa, I am sitting here in my home office/bonus room giggling to myself. You nailed this, as always. So many comments come to mind, where to start????

Ok, #2, where you referenced your high school years and “There was a lot of instruction on how to properly cite webpages whilst writing useless research papers…” When I was in high school, our webpages were on stone tablets, or was that the “The World Book Encyclopedia”? ROFL

For me personally, #3 is the bane of my existence…sitting through as many as 6 full HOURS of conference calls every day, the mind tends to wander, it is a colossal effort to pay attention, especially with so much other work to do (many marvy bloggers to read).

#5 is not so much a problem working at home, you know, out of sight, out of mind. That is until I open my big mouth, calling out some emperor with no clothes; that usually goes over like a fart in church in Corporate America.

As far as #7, I am definitely in stage 4 and counting the days, except for the worry about the parking spot, of course. My parking spot at home is sweet! 🙂

Haha! I do remember using encyclopedias in like middle school a few years before “Encarta” and the world wide web made its debut! And okay, conference calls are the absolute worst because you don’t even have someone to stare at our anything to focus on. Waaaay too tempting to just start doodling or grab a quick nap. But! If you can conference call whilst not wearing pants… that sounds delightful…

Yes, my office attire is totally up to me! Mostly it consists of yoga wear, so Squeeee 🙂

A coworker and friend who also works from home told me recently that his department had bought everyone web cams, and they would be mandated to join a video feed for every conference call. However, we totally got around that…with proper web cam placement, he could simply wear a dress shirt and tie, with his boxers and flip flops. And he’s a guy, so he doesn’t have to worry about make up or fixing his hair lol. I am hoping my department doesn’t catch wind of this trend, though!

First off – that gif of Ed Norton blinking may haunt my dreams. I kept trying to scroll just enough to hide it either below or above what I was reading. What in the blue Hell.

My first job out of college, I landed amongst folks who actually went straight from high school to working in a corporate environment (with some waitressing/bar tending/retail in between), all while still living with their parents, and they brought all that high school dramz and cliques right into our call center loveliness.

My favorite moment was walking into the break room to find my co-worker in a complete screaming rage meltdown that someone ate her ENTIRE PIZZA that she brought down from NY (she had flown in from NYC and went straight to work). It had a note on it saying it was hers but they still ate it. Thus began the “no lunch is safe in the fridge” wars of 2004. The managers had to intervene and have security come speak to our floor. I died.

The 2nd favorite break room moment (cuz that and the bathrooms were where all the most excellent theater happened. They were just missing popcorn) was when someone microwaved a soda can they FORGOT was in some pre-packed microwaveable lunch. One second everything was fine and the next second there were massive sparks, then flames, and people yelling FIRE! and scrambling to get out of there. The guy (who was around 25) said to the fire rescue folks he had no idea that could happen because his mom didn’t let him use the microwave at home. There was no break room for almost 3 months so, after that, all the drama shifted solely to the bathrooms or the break rooms on other floors.

OH MY GOSH Rachel you always have the most bizarre work people– how do you microwave a lunch with a coke in it?! Like… you throw your whole brown paper bag in there???? People who are coddled by their parents are totally helpless out in the world, that is hilarious and reminds me of an episode of the office where someone starts a fire in the mic.

I’ll admit, someone once ate one of my lunches out of the fridge when I worked at AT&T and I almost went jungle crazy on her, I was like “WHY YOU TAKE THINGS THAT ARE NOT YOURS”

Lastly, I know exactly what you mean about having to hide the gif on your screen. That made me cackle but I am ever so sorry for the trauma.

I wondered the same and was told it was a luncheable type thing that had a 6oz can of soda in it. Of course, my question was “Who the hell microwaves luncheables?”.

As for the fridge wars, I was so surprised to find out through working in offices how often this happens! It makes no sense to me to eat someone else’s lunch. I just loved that security and the managers had to intervene cuz it was becoming Gladiator-like in there. The pizza co-worker was interviewing people asking who saw people eating pizza and then she confronted them one by one. It got really nasty.

My “career” is so completely high school. There are even cheerleaders (kiss ass admin staff), jocks (manager-types that feel the need to bully or flex their muscles at will), nerds (computer support, accounting, people who actually try to do a good job), slackers (those dead-weight employees that may or may not also be stoners) and, then, a handful of misfits that either don’t totally fit into one group or choose not to be one stereotype. Classic high school. The prom committee is now the “Holiday” party. Yearbook is just employee identification badges and the quarterly newsletter. And, all of the other clubs/groups from high school are seasonal potlucks, “diversity” awareness and equal opportunity blah, blah, blah. The employee break room is missing a lunch lady in a hair net, though. (bummer)

You are brilliant. This comment totally nailed it– I can almost relate except for the fact that there is an alarming lack of men-folk in my workplace so it’s mostly like an all-girls high school. This is hilarious and I feel like it could be a post all on its own!

Also, don’t forget that once out of school…what you wear, eat, live in, and very especially, drive, will be endlessly judged and weighed against everyone else’s choices, and you will be measured and treated accordingly. I get to see this first-hand every day right now because, after driving three new BMW’s in a row for over half my adult life…I am taking a year and a half OFF to not own a car, while sharing my daughter’s 24-year-old Celica with dents everywhere, duct tape on the antenna, and a super-glued tail light. Oh yes. They DO judge you…

Oh man, that is very true. I’m impressed that you are going carless. I did that for one year when I got back from China (and I don’t live in a place with great public transportation) and it was a wee bit of a challenge at times– and yeah, no one understood why I was walking to work, “What, are you homeless?”

I know…try carless while having two kids in high school, band and sports, one with a job and a boyfriend. Most days when roads are good I just let her drive them both to school and figure it out. THIS weekend, we all have plans, a basketball tournament, spanning two counties. How that is going to work, I have no idea.

I can’t tell you how much I hate it, but it will be worth it when we pay cash for the next car.

The *looks* from people are interesting though, when you pull up and get out of a teenager’s car with teeniebopper bumper stickers and duct tape all over it. (“Nice”)

It does make me think twice before dressing up or wearing killer heels much when I go anywhere—I mean, what’s more incongruous than THAT?–it’s like showing up at your prom on a BM-X bike with handlebar streamers…

Haha! Um, I think it’s awesome that you are saving to pay cash for your car though. The boyfriend and I were just talking about this the other day (because I’ve never had a car payment) and the whole concept of saving up to purchase it outright was such a radical concept to him. But it’s so much smarter in the long run. I have mad respect for your teenybopper driving ways.

I am learning a lot from your blog Aussa. You write very well haha. And you have a God Blessed really entertaining life to boot. I envy you at times, yes you have gruesome sad moments, but at the same time you have great times too. I actually learned a bit in high school. I might do a blog post with your questions. And no I am not a functioning adult. In my culture it’s ok to still be very attached to parents in your 20s and yeah I keep on clinging to mom too much :/ and I am the friendly type at work so most people consider me a kid anyway 🙁

Haha hey, you can’t help it if it’s your culture! I would totally cling to parents if that were an option for me. I have friends who still have their parents pay their cell phone bill and that sounds particularly appealing…
It’s good that you’re friendly at work! Otherwise, your coworkers might secretly blog about you on the internet 😉

Instead of having an official high school reunion, we had an unofficial one… with all the people we went to parties with… I need to do a post about that… it was awesome. Why hang out with people you didn’t like just because they were in the same grade?

I think that’s an excellent idea. There’s no way I would want to go to a high school reunion– especially now that there is facebook. I feel like I continue to see more of them online than I ever really wanted to in the first place.

I remember shifting the blame to my teacher for not educating me properly. However, it was really because I hated algebra and often felt like I had missed a week of school. I guess it would have helped to do homework or study for that class.

I did learn in high school not to pass up opportunities….like not befriending Peter Krause who happened to be in the grade below me. My older sister actually got asked out by Richard Dean Anderson(MacGyver). She said no though. We had quite the Hollywood hunks at our little school in Minnesota. Loved this post, oh you crack me up!!

My life now is not at ALL like high school for me… but that’s because I was homeschooled and stuck at home with my dad who thought God was going to give us 1.7 billion dollars any second. =P I had no interaction with other “normal” people in the world. =P
Howeverrrrr… a lot of what you said does apply to college, too. 😀 You work so hard to get ahead and then you find yourself not ahead but just doing what all the rest of us do. Although one day I will have my own practice as a counselor (hopefully!) I still expect that gets kind of monotonous some days. 🙂
Although I will say too… I DO end up doing everything, every time. Laaaaaaaaaaammme.

Haha! So you were a stereotypical “homeschooler?” That’s awesome. I know a TON of people who were homeschooled but they seemed to still be out and about all the time and they also learned random things like Greek. Actually… come to think of it… it seems like the big difference is that you homeschooled people actually LEARN in general. Hmmm.

And someday you will have your own practice and you’ll need to make sure that any staff who work for you and writing things like this 😉

Oh I so didn’t want to THINK I was a stereotypical homeschooler… but yeah, I was. 😀 I made up a course for my senior year of classic books that I was supposed to read and write reports on. I read the entirety of Dante’s Divine Comedy by choice. Hahaha…Ok so THAT is still the same I still subject myself to rigid learning structures lol.,
Oh I hope one day I can be a super awesome manager! Maybe I know enough about domineering behavior and what that loosk like from living with my familiy and can avoid any mishaps. 😉

I constantly feel like I’m waiting for the next phase in life. High school definitely prepares you on how to deal with people in general though! Right now though, I’m sipping on a whiskey in an Irish bar in Germany soooo… Ha.

Haha, thanks Monty! Actually… I think that this job will be particularly helpful when the zombie apocalypse happens because I’m planning on bunking down here. We have secret underground tunnels, food, and a pharmacy. I just need to figure out where they store all the guns…

This was funny, Aussa! You painted it so perfectly in so many ways. I went from incredibly enthusiastic to notoriously rebellious in high school. It all worked but geez what a journey. I so laughed at Years 4-40 because I had that exact thought yesterday on a parking spot at work 🙂

In high school I learned that those in authority are usually power-hungry assholes. I also learned I had to be persistent and sometimes confrontational in order to get those assholes to do what was right or fair. These lessons still serve me well today — thus my continuing problem with authority.

I’ve always been accused of having issues with authority (what, who me?) but I never learned this persistent and confrontational thing until the last year or so. I’ve always opted for more of a subversive approach but that’s not always the best way to go, it would seem.

The only really useful class I took in high school was typing, although they might not even offer that anymore because children are born with a little keyboard clutched in their fists.
I also figured out how to look “busy” by staring at a book, and get out if class by saying I had to take a photograph for the yearbook.
Functioning adult? The jury is still out.

Oh my gosh! I totally forgot about the excuses we would use to get out of class!!!! Gosh. What were those… I know there was something about hanging posters or something… we would smile sweetly at the teacher, deliver the line, and then be free to roam the halls like true rebels.

Wait? We’re NOT still in high school?? Someone better tell those bitchy, catty, gossipy, Mean Girl Mothers who sit in the park with their designer heels or head up the PTA meetings and look down at you because you threw on mom jeans and a mismatched tee shirt, (but hey it doesn’t have baby spit-up on the shoulder tonight, and at least you got out of the house at all since you don’t have a live-in nanny) that we did in fact, graduate from high school and their Cheerleading Sneer days are alas, over.

Aw, thank you! And oh my gosh. I often read things about parenting that frighten me (lack of sleep? defiant little troll humans?) but when I see things like this I know that I’m going to be that Mom who embarrasses her children and gets into fights with all the other Moms. I can’t STAND people like that… to the point that I’ll have to set traps for those little designer shoes to saunter into.

Oh Aussa, a class post as always! It’s all so true!
In answer to your questions: Nothing. Yes. Bullshitting. I’m in year 22 of my ‘senior year’, so I basically know what the f!**k I have to do everyday as it is the same cycle of shiz every six months. I do; trawl the internet, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook, write my blog, plan my holidays, look at trip advisor, email my husband, write shopping lists and doodle. Every. Day. Then I do that bit of essential work in the last hour and hey presto! I got a salary at the end of the month. I am lucky that I have a really lame boss who has never once questioned my lack of enthusiasm (to my face anyway).
Oh, and the parking spot thing – abso-frikkin-lutely. Nuff said.

Haha! That’s soooo freakin’ funny about your daily routine! It’s true, oh so true. Love that you write your blog while you’re at work. I have only done that once and that’s because my biatch coworker just put me over the edge– I couldn’t help it! I love that your boss doesn’t question your lack of enthusiasm. Sometimes my boss will ask how I am and I’ll mumble “I’m excellent” and he will tell me I need to work on my sincerity. Woops 😉

Ha ha! You “need to work on your sincerity” – excellent. Thankfully my boss is so far up his own ass that he has no idea what or how much I do every day!! I have been there so long that I am ‘part of the furniture’, apparently. Oh, and that list of my extra curricular activities wasn’t exactly definitive….he he! 8 hours is a helluva long time to fill honey.

I’m pretty sure I don’t work with functioning adults, so I don’t know if that last question really applies.
I still use the self confidence I self-taught myself in high school… um…..I use…………….knowledge of classic literature to find new books to read. And I vote. That’s something I learned in high school.

Oh man, I had very little self-confidence in high school but I made up for it with apathy. I like this knowledge of classic lit to find new books.. question: Did you actually do the reading in high school? I loooove reading but I always had an issue doing it when it was required.

…If by reading you mean Spark Notes, then yes… yes I did do the reading.

Oh, and that reminded me of another talent. Fuck the reading. Don’t do the reading. When discussing work, wait for someone to say something first. Then, give your opinion on what they said. Stay silent for the rest of the period. You have just proven to your teacher/professor/boss that you did the reading and earned your participation points for the day. Go you!

The funny thing about high school is that some of the only things I remember are the Catholic prayers that we said at the end of each day. I wish I remembered algebra, in the very least, because then I’d be able to help my own kid with it when she goes to high school.

Hey that actually sounds like a pretty good thing to have in your memory bank! And let’s never speak of Algebra again… I don’t even know why I just capitalized it but I don’t want to even go back and edit it because I’m trying not to look at the word.

Okay now i am pretty sure i need to have paid some kind of attention..but school does not really do it for me. yeah i am a senior LOL
But now I know why I did not have any friends. I didn’t care LOL. now mind you i did not have twitter. i just took a nap during class/work. that is why i am still awake now at 2 am yeah coffee. rocks.

now what was you saying god i have to read it all over again. Yup i pretty much did not pay any attention at school i suck at work so what else is new.. it i snot that cannot do it. I just not the person to fix every ones else fucking problem. why did they not pay attention in school. he I did learn something.

thank you for a laugh and uhmm i think it was learning something. whatever it was..smile

Haha well at least I earned a laugh and a smile from this one. And! I’m glad I’m not the only one who used to sleep through class. The first two years of high school you feel embarrassed about it but by my junior year I was making sure to bring a hoodie to class so I’d have a nice soft pillow to lay my head on.

The last time I had a job that was relatively normal, i.e. did not involve stuff like raising thousands of baby tarantulas or sitting in the sun getting loaded and watching to see what they were throwing away at the grocery store, was in 1995. It’s possible that I could have devoted all my time to the Internet but it wasn’t all that great back then. I remember my employer telling me he expected us to be tired when we went home, and thinking “Get tired doing what?”

It’s totally unclear to me why this culture is so devoted to making people sit around in rooms. It’s possible that’s the main reason we have the Internet, to pass the time more usefully.

I was watching Cops earlier at the boyfriend’s house (because we are classy like that) and one of them made a comment about how he didn’t want a job sitting behind a desk etc. the usual thing. But then I really started thinking about it…. and it really is rather creepy. Especially when it’s a room full of desks, just people working away on their asses. It’s all odd if you step back a few feet.

I’m looking forward to it warming up because I find all sorts of random projects to take me out from behind my desk and out into the world. But in the winter months… googling random things is basically my job.

Such keen observation and detailed thoughts. It is scary how much High School resembles Life. If it wasn’t for the real world and all these pesky bills I would drop out of work TOO!!!!. Full on “Office Space” style.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have a meeting with the Bob’s in five minutes. LOL. Awesome post Aussa. As usual.

Freakin’ bills, right?! At some point I will need to blog about my college years of squalor… I did anything and everything to avoid having bills… it was a time of freedom. It’s endlessly confusing to see how my income has grown like 8X over and I have less cash than I did back then.

I couldn’t help but share this on my blog’s Facebook page. You hit the nail on the head with this one. It was also difficult to realize how many minutes… hours?… that I was staring at Ed Norton blinking.

When it comes down to it: you can only present and rely on yourself. I disliked group work, because there were one or two people that really didn’t pull their weight.

As far as the years go: four years is a long time, and it does wear on you… especially in an office/desk/cube setting.

Aw, thanks for sharing my post, huzzah! And I’m so very sorry that you can completely relate to the enlightened insights I have shared here. It’s hard to imagine spending very many more years in the job where I am now… I’m starting on year four and I can feel the walls closing in.

Hey, life is funny like that. Many people (surprisingly) don’t change, and jobs are “funny” like that. If the company that I worked four and half years for didn’t downsize and cut my job, there could be a great chance that I may have been working there still or may have worked there longer, working other jobs on the side, and my life would have been different (maybe not for the better)l.

We get ourselves into feeling comfortable,and we don’t fully realize it. But four years shows dedication and work ethic. 🙂

I came out of high school able to weld, machine, and fabricate metal. Those skills did, in fact, come in handy later on. As my machine shop instructor once told us: If you can make it out of tool-steel, you can probably make it out of anything.
Also, my welding teacher used to build and fly his own airplanes, and getting high was one of my favorite activities for years.
You don’t remember any math that you don’t use, or I don’t. So I don’t remember much algebra or geometry, but I still know how to set up a proportion to figure out how big to make something.
The longest I was ever at one job was seven years (before the company went out of business) and there was always stuff like work to be done. Mostly always.
One thing they DIDN’T teach me in high school was that you have to train your boss how to like the work you do and how to find it completely necessary for the very existence of the company.

That’s cool that you actually had a “shop” class (isn’t that what they call it?) There wasn’t anything like that at my school, though it seems like it would have been a good idea and preferable to the leaning against walls looking cool that we all did instead. (horrible grammar but I just had to)

And you’re very right about that last comment– setting yourself up as indispensable is one of the smartest moves you can make. It’s curious that things like that really aren’t taught in high school.

Oh gosh, that sounds uncomfortable. At the same time… I feel like it might be kind of fun to work with mostly guys. Maybe that’s just my “I have four older brothers” thing kicking in but I could see it being more laid back than all the biatches I work with. But I’m also kind of a horrible feminist because I like having guys around in case there’s something heavy to move or a bug that needs to be punished for existing.

Men are really fun to work with. Except since I am a supervisor they are mostly straight white men. And they have no concept of what life is like for anyone that isn’t a straight white male. It makes for a lot of arguments. And they say pretty terrible things. I wind up being the politically correct police because I won’t tolerate sexism, racism, homophobia, ableism, fat shaming, slut shaming, or classism. It’s honestly kind of exhausting.

Oh yick, yeah a lack of diversity in the workplace certainly makes it easier to become a breeding ground for that sort of intolerance. Have you seen “The Wolf of Wall Street?” because that’s how I just pictured your workplace, though perhaps knocked down by a few million dollars.

I learned in high school that there are many cooler people than me, and many who are smarter and more athletic, and I think I learned to be okay with that because I am much sexier than all of them, and a writer of unequalled peerage. For the next phase of life… I dont think that’s a bad thing really, we should always dream; I think the looking ahead to something else is just our way of hoping.

What is a functioning adult? Please define. I have not run across this creature as such. May I observe it in a zoo somewhere, or is it already extinct? Was it known as homo get-real?

Haha! I too learned that there were a lot of people cooler than me in high school but I broke it down specifically to being the people who could pull of one-shoulder tops and the people who’s parents bought them a new Lexus every two years.

The functioning adult is a fantastical character of our era– often spoken of in conversation but the sightings are few and far between. Still… the legend persists.

Man, even your comments are well-written… what gives? I think Aussa that you’re some kind of robot writing overlord that I have no choice but to read, and in high school that you were likely one of those people that you knew would take over the world one day, but that was okay.

If I catch a glimpse of one of these so-called functioning adults, I will snap a photo and send it on to you, then we can make lots of money and… well, blog even more.

Haha! I assure you there are plenty of people around here who could easily contradict your statement on my well-written comments. Sometimes things just shoot out of my fingers and hit “reply” before self-censoring. It can become very uncomfortable for all of us.

And yes, please do send a photo. Feel free to send photos of other things you find interesting… like fancy jars of mustard or bathroom stall graffiti. Ya know.

Isn’t it funny how similar things are…the popular kids, the jesters, the bullies, the people who really do the work and those who skate by their whole career without doing anything but nodding at the right time. I’m lucky to be on the downward side and about five years away from retirement. These days, I’m looking down when they ask for volunteers, just like you described, because there is no reward for working hard, just more work.

This post cracks me up! Today at work, we were talking about our high school experiences. I admitted I’d never been privy to seeing any fights break out. Apparently, I led a sheltered life…or just spent a lot of time in the science wing. Given my career today, I’d say it was the latter. Sadly, I do remember that rotten egg smell that inevitably wafted out of the chemistry lab.

Ha! Do you watch Breaking Bad? I juuuust started it a few days ago and they do all sorts of interesting things with the high school lab equipment 😉 That’s funny that you were just talking about high school at work today. I don’t recall that many real fights, just stupid things where people yell at each other like “come at me bro, yeah.”

So true. In real life there are still the “cool” kids, the nerds, the jocks & the preppies. We still go along with the “crowd”, try to be popular, unique, funny and still choose the ice cream sandwich over the fish sticks at lunch. 🙂

Yes, pretty much! So funny about the cool kids. At the hospital where I work, I don’t know who the cool kids would be… because there aren’t your usual upper-class beautiful snob types… though we did just hire an administrative RN who drives a canary yellow camaro and fixes her hair in the mornings so perhaps she will be our queen bee.

Absolutely. The only thing is that being on disability, I’ve skipped a good chunk of it. Oh sure, I’ve had some minor encounters with office politics and workplace banality– just not on a really regular basis. It’s like retiring at a very early age.

And it’s hard. So many in our age group really do define themselves a lot by their employment– it’s textbook developmental psychology, or at least it was when I was an education student. The hardest part is I feel I’m on the outside looking in. Many I know come home from their jobs, isolate tight to their families, and I can’t often reach them face-to-face. They have retreated to their homes as sanctuaries, but often hide away from friends and neighbors in the process.

I would think that things are starting to change, as far as the regular 9-5 desk route being the “dominant” route to take so maybe that will be less and less the case as time goes on… and honestly, I can’t blame people for retreating to their homes as sanctuaries from all this madness! But it does prevent a sense of community, I can see that.

Haha! Yep, when standing up to bullies you must “win all future fights.” And this is the best part– the extreme couponer is actually a dude. YEP. And he has an addiction that our organization, sadly, does not treat.

I think he does illegal things. When I allow him to speak of such things, he tells me that he walks through all the grocery stores and takes the free coupons that are sitting out in front of the product. Then he matches up all these barcode tricks and uses them on other items while they’re on sale at places that double coupons. It’s all very Black Ops.

You said it, girlfriend. I have a high school reunion this year, but there is no fucking way I’m flying my ass there. Because people will still be the SAME. There are variations of the high school cheerleader, football star, geek, headgirl and goth everywhere I go. The same people will make me want to throw up in my mouth or facepalm. Life IS high school through and through.

The most important thing is to choose whether you are going to throw-up OR facepalm– never do both, it’s a dangerous combination. Even if it is incredibly tempting.

I facebook stalked a girl I went to high school with who was one of your typical “beautiful people” and saw all these photos of her skiing in designer duds with some Euro-trash hunk and that was enough to convince me to never ever go to a high school reunion.

Haha I could never come to terms with the idea of cheating when I was in high school but when we were in classes where everyone had to get their work done before we could do a movie I was queen of passing mine around for everyone to copy. Movie time, yeah.

Great list Aussa! (When I first typed that I accidentally wrote “Great lust Aussa!” I was going to leave it to see if you noticed, but then I thought that if you didn’t say anything, I wouldn’t know whether you hadn’t noticed or whether you had noticed and thought I was weird and that’s why you hadn’t said anything about it, and then I would worry that if it was the latter, it would make things awkward between us. Now I’m worried that me talking about things being awkward between us sounds weird, as if there is an “us” especially as just a few minutes ago I liked your Facebook page. Oh dear…I don’t know what to do now…I’ll just leave everything and hope it’s all going to be ok).

One thing I learned at secondary school (aka high school, kind of) was that if you’re quiet a lot then nobody notices whether you’re there or not – not only do they not notice at the time, but they don’t remember afterwards. This has advantages and disadvantages.

You are hilarious. I love everything about your stream of consciousness comment and am so glad that you acknowledge the fact that there is an “us” and think my lust is great 😉

You are very right about the quiet thing– definite advantages and disadvantages for both the school and the workplace. Despite my spastic blogging behavior I’m typically rather quiet and I think it aids me in getting away with as much as possible most days.

People like to claim that “high school doesn’t teach you real world skills”, but I never go a single day without using the cosine rule to relate the lengths of the sides of a triangle to the cosine of one of its angles.

LOL yeah #6 is definitely me. I’m so quick at work, I get all my shit done in a few hours and I spend the rest of the time blogging, paying bills, online shopping, and doing homework. If I worked in a large company where they trolled my computer I would be sincerely fucked. Instead, I get a “you have just gone above and beyond here.”

Holy crap this is so true! At work I sometomes feel as if I am in 13th grade. As if high school morphed into this life long job environment. $6 is so me. What do you think I am doing right now in my office? Writing this!

The most important thing I learned in high school was that in order to talk the boy of my dreams, I had to be smart and volunteer to tutor him in Geometry. Yeah – high school was all kinds of awesome. I’m pretty sure I’m still not popular.

And I almost missed this post completely! If I had been stalking your site I would’ve never seen it. Okay, so here I am. Loved it, of course, and not only did I graduate high school (albeit from an alternative school since my public high school had enough of my shiz) but went on to an honors degree in Master of Avoiding Everything That Sounded Like Responsibility or Knowledge. That’s a real thing. Look it up.

Is it weird that I got stuck staring at the blinking actor whose name escapes me but I freakin’ KNOW who he is, dammit? He’s from Fight Club. Edward Norton? Is that real name or did I make it up? *sigh* whatever. I stared at that for an unhealthy amount of time. It’s sort of mesmerizing.

Genious post! Lol I was homeschooled for half of high school and Then went to a tiny one room christian school for the other half. That last half made me into a feminist because girls there were encouraged to marry or go to missionary school… Ive learned also that people don’t change that much from high school. I still have issues fitting into the bubbly, girlie girl type groups at work. Worse than those though are the jealous ones who watch your every move!

Haha you certainly had a different sort of schooling experience than the typical hoodrat public school kid! Hope you didn’t take any offense if you saw my tweets about the Olympic team’s “homeschool” sweaters 😉 Couldn’t help it! I have a lot of friends who were homeschooled though…

I can understand that turning you into a feminist. The church I went to growing up was somewhat similar. Once I got into high school and eventually college and wanted to do anything other than be a missionary, teacher, or Mom, I was a total outcast. Those girls spent most of their time baking for our guy friends, I kid you not. I just couldn’t do it. I have friends who are Moms, teachers, and missionaries but anytime someone tries to tell you what path you ought to take… no thanks!

I’m glad you can relate to that church type background as well. Oh my gosh, I know… those baking invitations during highschool… I always had an excuse to get out of those. Lol no worries about the home school sweater comment. I saw humour in that!

I remember every lie I told and every rule I broke. Does that count? Thanks to this, my parenting skills (in this area) are Grade A! Between me and my husband, we have done it all and our kids don’t stand a chance! I can spot a lie at twenty paces and they don’t even have to speak. It’s friggin’ hysterical to watch their faces when we know what’s up before it even happens. Our 17 year old is still trying to figure out how we know where she is all the time. She’s a really smart girl so how she hasn’t figured out there’s a GPS tracker on her car is beyond me….

Haha! That’s amazing, I can’t believe you have a GPS on the car! Though I really can’t blame you… Everything about raising teenagers sounds absolutely terrifying to me and I hope there are some sort of injectable trackers (a la The Hunger Games) and/or isolated communes where I can live when I have children of that age.

I always thought I’d grow up to be the kind of person that had friends from all over the globe, from every walk of life and that I’d throw chic dinner parties where we all engaged in complicated debates about politics and the importance of mindfulness. Ha!

True, i seem to forget that sometimes. “The grass is always greener” as they say… It is a gorgeous place with lovely people. Looking forward to going back to Laos soon. I miss the amazing chocolate cakes they make!

I decided after roughly ten years into a fifteen year stint within a Government office that if it couldn’t be turned into a joke, it wasn’t worth taking seriously:
I got written up one time for essentially doing my job very, very effectively in a way that was considered to be too far outside the boundaries of our structure, too far removed from our sacrosanct policies and procedures that I had to be put in my place.
A portion of that particular process was that I had to sign the bottom of the form to acknowledge my understanding of what it was I had done wrong.
I signed it, but only after I had gone over it with a red pen correcting all the spelling and grammatical mistakes and graded it.
I was basically torn a new one over that stunt, and suggested that if the Powers That Be were truly that upset by what it was I did to accomplish the stated goal (or “mission”) of our office, they should take it up with the Higher Powers That Be at the State level and explain to the client why it was I faced six months of Disciplinary Probation and that time was not to be counted towards my step-increment raise or my Seniority.
Subsequently, the Probation was lifted when I advised them that if they chose not to take the issue outside the office, I would..

Just as a point of reference, I did nothing either illegal or immoral, and had collected $10,000.00 in past-due Child Support for a single mother of three children.

Wow… that’s horribly frustrating and draining. There’s nothing worse than realizing the supposed mission or ideals of a corporation don’t actually line up with their behavior. At least you made a difference for that family. And I love that you corrected the grammar and spelling, that is priceless! Sounds like my workplace.

Our office had laws, both statutory and case law, to which we had to adhere, and I respected them deeply. In certain instances I very well might have felt they were unadulterated bullshit, but we were bound to adhere to them. No one person could over-ride any of them.
Then you had the Policies and Procedures that often were the brainchild of one bureaucratic demigod who will always make room for the suggestions of whoever advances their original idea, but don’t you dare veer off their original course.
You were expected to do things a certain way because those things were done in that certain way. No explanations, no reasoning.
Yup …. High School, where the Administration had their sets of Policies and Procedures, the Cool Kids had their’s and heaven help those who took a different path to reach the same destination.

In a while I’ll be posting a story to the “Froot Loops” section of my blog, http://www.nocturnaladmissions.net, about the time a $750,000.00 Child Support Arrears debt just disappeared from our system and I was told there was nothing we could do about it.

It’s amazing what you will come across in life that needs to be addressed that other people will tell you to ignore, and that remains the status quo.
Started that way in High School.

I’m in year 8, and yes, I feel exactly like that when I can’t find a parking spot. And I am totally doing all these idiots here a favor by showing up. I know I have my “moments” but seriously I DO know how to wipe my own butt and I also know how to find the damn toilet paper to do my own wiping….I think I learned in high school that people gossip, I just always thought it was the girls more than the men. Now I work in a mostly-male company and O.M.G. men gossip just like women do, if not worse!!! At least women (sometimes, usually, more often then the men I know anyway) at least try to fix things for themselves. These guys just whine. I sound like such a pessimist….I’m not really, but I desperately want a new job, hahahaha! And I love this post, I think you nailed it on the head! Life is JUST like high school!

It’s so funny how men gossip– I have two male coworkers who are HUGE gossip queens! When I first got this position it was actually a dude– like the most manly of men– who spread rumors about me and caused me loads of trouble. Granted… he wasn’t being malicious, just gossipy. And double granted… most of what he said was true 😉 Ah, high school!

I tepidly decided to click on the link to this post. My schooling was less like an American pie film and more an exercise in being me for me but non-existent for everyone else. Quite a happy one.

You’re right though. Nothing has changed. Ok so I don’t buy in to a lot of cultural memes but they still hold true. Present company awful: check. As long as it matters to me then I’m good. It fills me with silent dread to hear my name called. I’m sure disparagement goes on behind closed doors. I have cycles of chaos and order. motivation is irrelevant in chaos; I’ll still come out 30 pounds heavier and surviving on Whiskey.

Yes but what about the 7 more important ways it isn’t like high school?

1. Ear hair
2. Shoulder hair
3. Basically hair everywhere but the head
4. Floppy balls you sit on sometimes
5. Unbearable weariness at all times
6. Utter and complete despair
7. And all of that is okay because now I can legally drink so fuck you High School

It was something I came across in a book of quotes but I forgot to write down who said it. But I presumed it was a writer but turns out I was wrong it was a film quote from the movie “Peter’s Friends”.

Another way you could say that Life is like High School is the social stratification of it all. How you could say that it’s a microcosm of real world social structures. An example of that is this: you have the popular kids and the athletes at the top, a bit like celebrities, sports stars and so on, and then there’s everyone else in the social strata that could be likened to the rest of society that looks up to the popular ones. See what I mean?

Yeah I definitely see what you mean. Then you have the uncool kids who are smart and everyone cheats off of them– there are your people who actually make our worlds go round in an unglamorous way haha.

After many years of being the manager for several large corporations, I decided to become just an employee at a company.
The managers of today constantly make the exact same mistakes me and my counterparts made years ago.

After many years of being the manager for several large corporations, I decided to become just an employee at a company.
The managers of today constantly make the exact same mistakes me and my counterparts made years ago.

Seriously– at the very least, management should be willing to “crowdsource” new ideas from their staff. I have tried proposing that in EMT meetings on several occasions but they really can’t wrap their minds around the idea of showing their hand like that. And so…. history repeats.

I agree that we’re going to be judged 24/7 for our lifestyles, our occupations, our loved ones, our vehicles, the selfies that we post on Instagram, and so on.

As a closet Transformers fan, I say that you’re free to add “Real-life Starscreams” to this list. There are those who try to upstage their superiors or even get rid of them. Executives, managers, and even homecoming queens probably know this by now.

[…] It seems like maybe I already posted this. Oh, who the hell cares, here it is again. I think Aussa of Hacker, Ninja, Hooker, Spy said it best. The years of your job are like the years of high school. […]