Tag Archives: change

A friend of mine brought up a great point yesterday in a conversation.

‘If people know what they need to do to lose fat or achieve a gym based goal, and essentially how easy it is why is it they struggle? I feel it’s more the mental side of things that need addressing than the fact of calories in/calories out.’

^^ I’m paraphrasing, however that is the overall gist.

Solid point, right?

When it comes to the mental state of the masses I have one thing to say on the topic.

You, me and everyone else are broken.

Yep, many come from similar backgrounds of dysfunctional families, emotional traumas, social compromises and much more.

Those few that have their shit together are rare.

Essentially they’re the unicorns of the world, much like kids who grow up with both parents happily married, a loving pair of siblings and they house with a white picket fence.

Mental health has been given far more of the spotlight over these last few years, for good reason too.

It can play a large role in how a person progresses through life, yet many will not ever want to delve in to their own psyche, at least not until they’re ready, which might be never.

You’d be amazed how many would rather live shrouded by indifference than step out in to clarity.

Then we have people that will fall back on their mental health issues to keep themselves protected and firmly routed in the place they currently reside.

Stack all of this up and then try to throw in a body composition related goal such as fat loss or LBM gain and you’ve got quite the recipe for struggle.

While achieving goals is often simple, it’s rarely easy.

Take for example someone who gets dumped due to putting on a hefty amount of comfort weight in a relationship.

Once it happens the person decides to make a change, and often succeed.

The find a new partner, a better one, kinda.

Once again they begin putting their lost comfort weight back on and the cycle repeats, perhaps for their entire life and many won’t ever stop to ask why.

This is where knowing a little about your own mental pitfalls can be rather advantageous.

In regards to the example above, food is often linked to our emotions or rather a missed emotional need that isn’t being met, as such we get that need which our partner/significant other isn’t attending to filled by food.

One thing to remember is that when something is missing from our lives we will often find ways to plug that hole.

It can be in the form of food, fornication with people other than our other half, drugs or something else entirely.

Emotional leakage you might call it.

Then what we use to plug that hole is nothing more than a low quality band aid, which will of course come off and need replacing, I guess it’s back to the fridge then.

Being completely at peace with who you are is rare.

In fact some people never achieve it.

This can cause many to think there is something wrong with them, when that could’t be further from the truth because the majority of everyone else is int he exact same place.

Of course it doesn’t help that people life their ‘fantasy’ life on social media which gives off the image they’ve got all their shit together, which they haven’t.

If they had they wouldn’t be needed to share it every 5minutes via their mobile apps.

So, in regards to what my friend said, mental health is a massive factor because unless you’ve got the courage to step in to the unknown part of your own self, then even something as simple as losing some excess body fat can become an insurmountable task.

How well do you know yourself?

Ask yourself the questions that you haven’t yet dared to, it might just be the first step you need.

Hurting the same and even the next or next few days, that’s what it’s all about, right?

You’re addicted to pain is seems.

I was like you once.

While you can indeed live for this style of training it doesn’t do much.

Just because you’re sore that doesn’t mean you’ve made progress, it just means your sore.

If your level of discomfort/pain post external stressor/stimulus was the main factor in how many gains you made then everyone who had a major accident, such as –

Car crashes, falling down man holes, getting jumped and beaten to a pulp or tearing a muscle(s) falling down stairs.

Well they’d all be jacked by that logic.

Yea, sounds a little absurd, that’s because it is.

While this is indeed a logical fallacy, it helps people understand a simple point, you don’t need to kill yourself and if you’re seeking certain feelings from training then that says more about your psychology than anything else.

I can personally understand wanting to leave a session feeling accomplished.

In the past I was even caught in the trap of not being happy unless post training I felt demolished.

While it was good for the ego, it did little in the way of achieving progress.

It’s funny really.

I’ve had clients where we’ve reduced their training amount by as much as three quarters, they’ve ended up making more in the way of results in 3 months following this change than they did in their last 5 years of training the way they like.

The saddest part is that even though they could see and admitted they were getting the best results of their life for a long time, they didn’t like the training.

They wanted to do more because they felt they needed to.

Even in the face of strong evidence to that thought.

People are strange creatures.

We want to do what we want, even if it doesn’t get us to the goal or any progress what so ever, the cognitive dissonance is frightening.

Mellow as I have become over the years I still want to shake some people and tell them to stop being fools.

I of course put myself in this camp as well.

Let me as you this, why wouldn’t you want to change your training to get results?

In fact why wouldn’t you want to get results?

Are you one of the few who trains multiple times a day (or for 2 hours sessions of back to back classes) and gets no results?

If that is you then perhaps you need to reevaluate.

Then ask yourself this; What is training to me?

Now some will spend that long in the gym for deeper psychological reasons, this is worth discussion.

That being said, the aim of the game is to make progress because the body doesn’t really ever stay stagnant for too long.

You’re either making progress or regressing.

Maintaining balance is an illusion.

Often one championed by the mediocrity who achieve some basic results and are then ‘happy’ with where they are.

Those are the same people who end up putting on almost all of the weight they lost or regressing back to before they started training.

They repeat this cycle for many years.

All just to look, okay, average, mediocre.

I sincerely doubt anyone ever wakes up as a child and thinks –

“Oh boy, I hope when I grow up that I’m perfectly average.”

Would you do me a kindness?

Please leave what the gym means to you in the comments section, along with the last time you achieved any notable results.

Be honest.

I didn’t make any in the time period of 2010-2014, while I gained strength nothing else changed, wasted time that I will never get back.

These days I train in the gym as I did when I was in my competitive fields, for performance, to become a better human.

I don’t personally need the gym for respite or mental reprieve, for that I have places to go and write, people to share and have deep conversations with because I learn a long time ago that the gym can only change how I look, not how I feel about myself, not really.

Any mental fortitude from the gym is fleeting at best.

Don’t believe me, just speak to any physique competitor, most are chronically depressed because no matter how good we can make ourselves look on the outside that won’t change what, who we are on the inside.

In our heart we will always be the fat kid who was bullied at school and the only way to change that is not by working out, it’s by working in.

The gym is a tool, that all, a tool.

That’s me though, I know me, what I’m really interested in is getting to know more about you.

Are you obsessed with the first while also being caught in the vicious cycle of the second?

Many are because loosening the reigns it too scary.

Did you know that on average people eat between only 15-20 different foods per week.

It’s not a great amount of variety, yet I know why many do it.

Safety, familiarity and all that other good stuff synonymous with the comfort zone.

From a calorie tracking perspective this makes things easy, yet it also means there might not be much change physically.

When you eat the same foods again and again the body will become better accustomed to processing them, in another word more efficient.

This will potentially lower the TEF a tad.

You’d also be surprised as o how devoid of certain nutrients you may actually be, a common consequence of lacking variety of foods.

Now many might say it’s because they don’t like certain foods, which might be true, however more often than not they’re just being fussy because their parents allowed them to be that way in their youth.

There is also the potential case that they’re being lazy.

We are not talking about preparing 5 star gourmet every day, however a little change will do you the world of good.

Sticking with the same foods all the time,while not only dull, will also lead to anxiety when you can’t get your fix because you feel your control slipping away from you.

I’ve seen it happen time and again.

Being the intelligent individuals you are, I’m sure you can understand that without change there will often be no change.

This applies to your nutrition as well.

Opting for more variety in what you eat can help you start to make that much sought after progress you desire, honestly.

You can keep the calories at whatever level they need to be for your desired goal while changing the food choices.

^^ On a calorie laden note, you can have higher days and lower days so long as the total amount of calories across the longer term tracking (say 1 year) is in sync with your goal – surplus for gain, deficit for loss.

^^ You don’t need to eat the same calories day in day you, you wouldn’t do it for training volume/intensity so remember you don’t have to do it for food either.

Do me a favour, keep a food diary for 2 weeks.

Sit down and take a look at those two weeks and see how many foods you eat on average, I’m willing to bet it falls in to the above (15-20).

*Of course i am bias towards a more whole foods approach to nutrition from a health stand point, however if on any given day you want cake then have the damn cake, enjoy it, don’t lament it, then adjust your foods the next day and carry on with life.

Once you’ve done this take a look at all the other foods you can add in, swap/substitute and enjoy.

Most ironic of all is all the people that call themselves ‘foodies’ are of the aforementioned ilk.

These sorts of posts will be rife unsocial media soon, so I felt I’d add in my two pennies worth as well.

One common pattern I’ve noticed is that almost everyone who saying things like –

“Next year is going to be my year.”

Only then to epically fail at making the year any different from previous ones all have this in common.

They don’t do anything differently, like nothing.

How can you expect change or a different results if you continue to perform the same things?

Now it might just be me who thinks this way, however that seems rather illogical, as such here is my views that you can choose to apply for change.

The tropes of “next year will be mine”

1 – Achieving a better body, no more XXL pants for me.

The reason internet guru’s and quick fix programs are still round is because people majorly suck at this part of the ‘best year yet’.

Why do they suck?

Many dislike the discomfort they have to endure to achieve anything notable, while I’d like to say you can make epic change without it, I can’t because it’s not true.

If this sounds like you then here is the answer you need.

Hire a trainer, a real one you can see face to face.

Before you say you don’t have the money, I’m sure you do, write down everything you spend on an average week and make note of what you don’t need, then chop it.

This is doubly true for things you WANT but don’t need because those funds can go towards a far better cause.

The money you invest in a good trainer will be worth it.

I can promise you that.

2 – I won’t let anymore deadbeats play with my heart.

Bahahahahahha, yea we both know that’s wishful thinking because you will go for the same type of person you always do, simply because they’re your type, obviously.

We get caught in this loop because of familiarity.

Deep in our subconscious we meet people we’ve met before, all because we know the subtle traits, which lets us to seek them out, and because they’re familiar we feel comfortable with them.

I bet you’re guilty of saying things like this “It’s like we’ve known each other for years, yet we only just met.” or the classic “We click, there’s a spark.”

Dear god pleas run.

Head for the hills immediately because this is only going to end one way, and you know it.

So, give the above how do you prevent this?

Go to places you’ve never been, step outside of your comfort zone, your circle of friends and venture out to make new circles and new friends.

If you go to the same places, do the same things you’ll always meet the sam people, trust me.

To find something you never knew you were looking for you need to go to places you’d never normally go, it is here you give yourself the chance to be happy by taking a leap of faith in to situations/places that you don’t know.

Go on, step outside your box and see the rest of the world, you never know who you might meet doing so.

Also, you might be better off on your own for a bit, another person might not give you what you think you need, if what you need is to be happy with who you are, in every aspect and element of ‘you’.

Sometimes moving forwards isn’t about doing it with someone else, sometimes it’s about knowing you’ll be alright doing it for yourself.

Better to be alone and be happy in yourself than to be with someone unhappily and change who you are for them because you can’t stomach the thought of not having someone in your life.

3 – I’m will do more things for me, time to be strong.

Admittedly this is more for those of you that are people pleasers.

You know who you are, basically door mats, mugs, that person everyone knows won’t object to anything asked of them because they fear being called a ‘bad friend’ or seen as ‘selfish’ and so on.

Don’t get me wrong, doing kind things and giving to other people is what makes life fulfilling, however there is a difference between doing this out of choice and some misplaced sense of obligation.

I’ve know a lot of people over they years who pride themselves on being that person people go to anything they need help, and bess them they’re too naive to see that their ‘friends’ are simply using them as a mean to and end.

Worst of all is that many who fall in to this description know this is the truth.

You know it too, don’t you….

Having some self-worth, some value in your time and not giving it away willy nilly to anyone who will abuse your generosity doesn’t make you a bad person, if anything it will derive more respect from people in the long run.

To stop being so scared of upsetting the world and it’s dog will be the first step to setting you free fro being everyones bitch.

Might sound harsh, however I’ve seen too many a good friend get drowned in this and not be abel to get themselves out, even with help.

The same thing happens in marriages too, so beware.

So apart from having more self-wroth and internal value, what else can you do?

Here is the biggest, and the hardest part of becoming free of this trope.

You ready?

Learning to say no, and actually mean it.

Your time is precious, you only have so much of it and by all means give it to people who appreciate it, who you truly care for, however don’t waste it being a dogsbody.

You’re a person too after all, you deserve as much respect and time as you give to others, never forget that.

Are they really what is stopping you from moving forwards or is it something else entirely?

Be it fitness, business, life or love, there always seems to be reasons why something won’t go the way we want.

A long time ago I stopped looking at all they reasons things wouldn’t work and instead went in search of the reason it was a guaranteed win for me, idealistic, yes, however it’s surprisingly effective.

This doesn’t mean you ignore the potential pitfalls, you merely accept they’re there and go around them, instead of throwing all the toys out of the pram.

It’s funny when people share those inspirational quotes, you know the kind –

“A black belt is a white belt that didn’t give up.”

and

“The first step to success is truing up and the second is counting to do so until success is achieved.”

I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of them and novel as they are, there is some truth to them.

Honestly.

From personal experience there are many things that shouldn’t have been a success in my life, yet they were for no other reason than I stuck it out and ended up being the last one standing, Seth Godin refers to this as surviving ‘the dip’ and it is 100% a real thing.

I’m sure you’ve got the potential to do very well in whatever you choose to do, in fact I know you have because I have yet to meet one person yet who is that forsaken by the world to not have the latent potential to make something of themselves, provided they get out of their own way long enough that is.

Take a look at what is stopping you.

Is it what you think it is, or is it just that you’re scared of succeeding and all the hate that’d come with it?

You will find that many, myself included talk about finding the right balance, you know, the middle of the bell-curve.

I have a little something for you to think about, if you’re up for the challenge as well it will take you One Year to complete.

Knowing your own body is something we all strive for, this is so we can go hard when needed and back of when we have no other choice before we break, this is an ongoing experiment, or at least it should be.

– September to December: Extreme Rest, train every 3-5 days, eating like a King & Queen (large calorie surplus).

This little idea gives you the much needed RAMP at the start of the year while cutting out some of the ‘cheek’y calories you over consumed across the festive period, then it get’s you in shape of the summer, ready to take some down time in the lead up to Christmas.

Essentially it’s just simple periodisation of sorts.

Make sense?

The idea of going to an extreme, especially one you’ve don’t done before can be just what you need. The above is merely an example, however you’d find it would work.

You will be pleasantly surprised how taking your training down from say your typical 6 days a week to 2-3 days per week can be a welcome break, both physically and mentally.

It will also mean that when you go in you don’t piss about, oh yes I know you don’t train as hard as you could going in 6 days a week.

Many who go in multiple days and multiple times a day don’t really put in as much effort as they could, in fact how would it even be possible?

You can train hard or long, not both, after all.

Going in less times a week will invigorate you to push it a little more in the sessions you do have, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised how well you do with this approach.

That is if you have the courage to do it.

Give some thought to the extremes, many you will try the above or create your own, who knows.

I’m not talking about political agenda or anything morally ambiguous by the way, I’m referring to habits.

This is about those sneaky little things that take over our life and cause us to do things that are perhaps not conducive to progression in the end.

Upon browsing the plethora of solid questions you all ask I’ve noticed a pattern in regards to coming up against that barrier we all have.

Long standing habits.

Most of you fall victim to your habits and thus throw out every excuses under the sun, which is of course your right to do, however that type of behaviour won’t necessarily get you what you want in the end.

In the answers to your questions that other members and myself post it is mentioned that you need to seek out what they (your habits) are and more importantly what causes them (your triggers), yet sometimes this key piece of information if missed as there is no direct answer how to do this, apart from data collection.

I get it you know, when we ask a question we want an answer, preferably one that fits in to our bias/paradigm however this is sadly not how it works.

Establishing our habits, routines and their triggers that send us to the cookie jar takes time.

A lot of time in some cases.

Many of us are firmly routed in our current habit loops.

The good thing though is that they can be changed, the downside is that it will take time and conscience effort and that my friends is where many struggle because they don’t find the pain of change too comfortable.

Not to mention having to think about doing something is quite draining for some which can itself lead to an already linked habit, such as reaching for sweet treats because of the mental overload.

This happens in 4 stags for the most past.

1 – Cue (emotional, physical, environmental trigger)

2 – Craving (food, cigarette, etc)

3 – Response (habit activation/execution, emotional response)

4 – Reward (food, etc to give required neurotransmitter hit)

To find out what they potentially are you’d need to have a detailed diary of the following:

– Day to day routine breakdown
– How the client feels at each stage of the day
– Eating times/routine that leads them to this
– Common stress responses if their routine is broken
– Tasks and how stressful they find them
– Tasks they avoid
– Comfort zones/uncomfortable zones

The list can invariably go on, however seeking out the above can help you start to make great progress because most of our habits/responses are automatic because we have done them for so long they not happen without thought.

Provided the right circumstances (triggers) are met the habit activates and does its thing, and will continue to do so until it’s addressed.

This is not to say all habits are bad, however some are less favourable than others.

In taking the above in to consideration it becomes much easier to understand why we do what we do.

As I’ve mentioned to people many times of the the years –

“Nothing changes if nothing changes.”

While not the answer many want, it’s often the one they need to accept, this way we can move forwards in our understanding and help in the most effective ways possible.

In knowing they ‘why’ you can almost always find the ‘how’.

What current coaching tools to do you have in place to collect the required information from your routine behaviours so that you can find the triggers to the habits?

A lot of people certainly do, yet there is something that many forget when they are steeped in their loathing.

It’s not your bodies fault it is the way it is.

Honestly, for the most part it does it’s best to keep going for you, despite the excessive amount of calories you force in to it via sub optimal food choices, calorically dense beverages, or even the sleep depriving activities you subject it too.

Regardless of what you do to it, it does it’s best.

So, let us say you have a few extra lbs, who’s to blame?

Is it your body because it’s out to get you and store as much excess body fat as possible so that you have a lower value in the overall dominance hierarchy, or is it because of ‘you’?

We are in control of them because nothing happens without some form of thought process first (for the most part, medical exceptions that affect mental/hormonal health/perceptions of reality or control excluded).

A lot of people find it easier to blame poor genetics, a bad hand that life dealt them, basically anything else other than themselves.

You’d be surprised how many people keep their ‘genetics’ int he fridge or wine rack.

It is in everyone to take control, all you need it to look inward and honestly think for yourself for a change.

“I think, therefore I am.”

Wow, this is getting quite deep 🤔

Don’t hate your body, appreciate it because what you see aesthetically is not a reflection of a ‘naughty/bad body’ it’s a reflection of YOUR mental state, of your mind, a reflection of what we might call ‘you’.

Your body is not to blame, you are, remember that, accept it and change it.

We go in, do the same movements, with the same loads, the same rest periods, the same tempos, day in, day out, it’s all pretty much the same.

Personally I’m quite the fan of sticking with a handful of movements for an extended period of time, however there needs to be some variety in the intensity, sets, reps, cadence, rest and even the execution of the reps.

Let’s take 10×10 for example as your rep scheme.

There are a few ways you can tweak it, via reps/sets

– 5x 2-3-5-10

– 5x 5-10-5

– 10x 5-3-2

– 4 x25

– 10x 3-7

Honestly there are a lot of things you can do with sets and reps before we even delve in to rest, tempo and pause reps.

Say you have 6 movements that you do regularly, great, you’ll be able to make some progress on these if you apply the ‘same yet different’ philosophy to the aforementioned.

I’d suggest changing one of the above every 2-6 weeks in a logical/progressive manor, here is an example with reps/loading.

No = success that will stick around because people want the easy option.

Yes – it dies.

Fads only last if they are easy and require very little effort to apply, regardless of if results are a part of the mix, it’s quite sad really.

The ability to tough things out has fallen dramatically over the years.

If it’s not easy then it can make it’s way to the pile with all the other things people don’t have time for now because all that a great many want is the next new & exciting thing.

How many times have you given up and blamed it on the program, the nutrition protocol or some other factor that wasn’t yourself?

Many is the answer I’m guessing.

In a world of ever changing potential inconsistencies we are the only thing that is in every equation, as such shouldn’t there be a tad more attention and accountability put on ourselves, rather than just shifting the blame to anything or everything else?

Do this for yourself, it may highlight some interesting things for you.

1 – Write down your most common excuses or reasons for failure.

2 – Write down why they happen and then how you can overcome them.

3 – Look at what you’ve written and see your problems for what they are, excuses on paper that you already have in your head as to why you can’t succeed and not actual problems.

It is common for us to create issues and barriers that stand in our way, so much so that by doing the above you will see how many you already have that aren’t even in the way yet.

These excuses make it easier for people to believe that more often than not they are not the problem.

Of course somethings can’t be helped, however for the majority we just use them as a convenient reason not to do what we need to be doing, that’s a fact.

Learn to overcome your own bullshit and watch your life change for the better.