Why bother?

I know im not the only one here who has been in this state of mind but lately I've been starting to slip into the deep dark depths of depression again. It feels so much different this time though.

Normally i have no problem going about my day doing what i have to you know... Get by, survive. Lately though ive been having a lot of trouble finding the strength to get out of bed and go to work. Ive also been forgeting to pay bills which ive never done. Thus resulting in late fee's. I have been starting to feel like no one wants to be around me even my roommate who ive been good friend with for 2 years now im having trouble communicating with because i feel like she suddenly stopped caring.

So my question is why bother? Why get out of bed to go to work? To pay rent and other bills? Sure but beside that.

Why bother trying to keep contact with people who no longer seem to want to talk to me or be around me.

Ive ive always told myself im content with my solitude but i know deep down thats just a lie i tell myself to make myself feel better. Truth is im loney and feel very isolated. Even the rare occasion that i do hang out with someone i feel like there is no longer that connection.

I will say this because i know this is the first thing everyone is going to say. I don't have insurance, i don't really have the money to seek professional help, even if i did I'd refuse medication ive been in the system since i was a kid and meds dont help and imo they are not a soulution just sonething that temporarily numbs the pain not fixs it.

Just dont know what to do anymore. I just feel so empty. Life seems pointless, i rarely find joy in it anymore. Its like im living in a nightmare i can't wake up from.

Sometimes we all need to find something new, getting a better job that pays more money, had cool new people to talk to and sucks up less of your time is probably not realistic so have you thought of finding a new hobby?

We have been in a slump as well and amazingly found a LARP group, new active hobby, new friendly aquantances (that just might be friend material.)

Hi, DprEffect,
I'm really sorry to hear how bad things are for you right now. From one of your previous threads, I understand there is a lot going on in your life right now, including moving to a new place, wanting to get out of your current job, and ongoing problems with your car. You mentioned previously about suffering from anxiety as well. I'm wondering if all the anxiety over the current problems is catching up to you. It can be exhausting, and when you crash, it can cause depression. Moving is stressful and even in the best conditions it can still wear you down. On the other hand, it can help get you into a new environment with changes in the routine which may help shake things up.

At the very least, get yourself settled into your new place and see how you feel afterwards. The change in environment could be a positive influence on how you feel right now. Sometimes it can seem like there are a million things coming at you and it's hard to tackle everything at once. My best advice is to make it manageable. Take one thing at a time, such as moving, and focus your attention on what needs to be done right now. This will not only help get you settled, but it will help you put in place the next steps to deal with the things that are bothering you. By setting small achievable goals, it helps you build towards the next goal, which could be finding a new job.

My main concern is that you say you have suffered from depression before yet somehow it is 'different' this time. This is definitely a time to see your doctor. Please make sure you stay safe. The fact that you recognize it may be worse than before, is a good sign and I'm glad you're opening up to talk about it. It's a sign you don't want it to go any further and that you want help for these feelings. If you are at any risk of self-harm, then please, get yourself to a hospital for immediate care. You should not be doing this on your own. There are people who can help.

I do think it would be adviseable to discuss your current situation with your doctor, even if you are not keen on meds. Depression can be caused by physiological problems and may be something that can be treated or managed. Let your doctor know how you feel about past medications and see if there may be some new options or treatments to pursue. I'm also curious about how long it has been since you've seen your doctor. With the way you are feeling right now, you really have nothing to lose by seeing your doctor as soon as possible..

On a personal note, one of the most important things that I discovered about coping with depression was when I took up long-distance running. It was something that was recommended to me by my doctor and I thought he has crazy for suggesting it. I was a pack-a-day smoker going through a 26-ouncer every night. I eventually tried since nothing else working and I kept falling into a darker place. The sport helped me recover from ongoing thoughts of suicide, depression and alcoholism. It gave me new goals and challenges in my life, and it turned my life around. It also gave me the confidence and strength to push myself further in other areas such of my life, eventually quitting a miserable job to go back to school. Like you, I wanted my life to have meaning, beyond paying bills and working.

That's not to say running (or any form of exercise) solves everything. Feelings of depression can be clinical in nature and should only be treated by a doctor, however, a healthy regime that includes regular exercise, proper diet, and healthy sleep patterns can all contribute to your mental well-being and they are all equally important in how you live. It was a doctor that suggested a running program for me after I told him about my reluctance to take meds. Together we came up with a comprehensive program whereby the meds were eventually reduced and eliminated while the running became a constant stabilizer in my life. So please, do see your doctor to cover whatever options are available.

Also when you feel that people don't care about you and that nobody wants you around, I think that is more of a symptom of depression and not the reality. When you feel like withdrawing because you don't feel wanted, it's the worst time to isolate yourself from people who care. This is the time when you need to reach out, by talking to a friend, family member or professional, and letting them know what is going on. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your roommate about what you feel is a communication breakdown. It may be possible she also feels your depression is 'different' this time and is unsure of how to help you or know what to say. There's also the possibility she has some other things going on in her life that need her attention and that none of her vehaviour has anything to do with her feelings for you. Open up to her and see how you can both work to get things back on the right track again. Silence will just make things worse.

Also, try and make a point to get out of the house on a regular basis, preferably for things that you enjoy, for example, getting out to see a movie or just go for a walk. Your profile says your into Young Adult books, so see if there may be a book club in your area. Another thing you could talk to your doctor or helplines about is a referral to any support groups that deal with anxiety or depression. It would help you realize that you are far from alone and meet people with similar experiences. I don't know where you live in Texas but here is a link to let you know the types of support that may exist to help you through this:

In addition, the link below has the coordinates and contact information for all the local crisis hotlines in your area. Local helplines can provide a wealth of information about community resources and services where you live. Chances are they will have some other options that can help you.

If you want one less stressor in your life, set your bills up to be paid automatically from your checking account. Credit cards can be arranged to be paid from partial to in full. And yes running and meditation do help relieve stress.