Ray William Johnson – Carrot Sticks

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] What’s up guys? I ‘ll tell you, what’s up! A horse in the backseat of a (beep) car!

[There's a horse in that car - Clip]

[Background Voice] Smile, horsey! There’s a horse in the car.

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] I’m sorry sir, is it just me, or is there a (beep) horse in your backseat? Why? Why? Of all the crazy stuff I’ve seen reviewing viral video’s, why would you put a horse in the back of your car – more horse power! No, I mean, is it one of those Flintstones Cars and its’ little legs are running underneath? (yabba dabba doo). I don’t think so. Is the horse rich and this is his chauffeur. Yo, you got any great ? in this (beep). Actually, you know what? I wrote a letter. Here we go! Dear, anyone, who puts a horse in the back seat of your car (beep) stop. I’m just saying, you can put it in a trailer, you can even ride it, you know you can ride those bastards right, just get it out of your car!

[Cool Transition]

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Speaking of animals that shouldn’t be in certain situations. There’s this cat and (kitteh) and this cat is getting into a fight, but not with another cat or even a dog but with an alligator!

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] That is by far the Ballsiest cat I’ve ever seen! Is ballsiest a word? Is ballsiest, ballsiest is now a word! Ballsiest cat I’ve ever seen. No really, 300,000 views in a week, and I can’t tell if this cat is really brave or just a (beep) idiot. I mean, look he bztch slaps that gator twice, whoosh, whoosh! Then two gators roll up and he does it again! What did you say about my momma! Whoosh!! Now, I’ve played Pitfall, enough to know, Gator’s will gobble your zss up, but tell me, am I wrong about this? Cause nobody in the video seems to be afraid, and those Gators seem to be ready to be snatchin yo people up! Now, I’ve never actually seen an Alligator in real life, and I imagine, if I did, I’d run away, like a little bztch, like, ahhhhhhhhh, I don’t know, but these Gators certainly lost that fight, looks like they need to drink more Gatorade, get it, Gator-ade, come on, that was funny, come on. (LOL you szck)

[Cool Transition]

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Now, enough with the animals, now lets look at the people, the people I’m about to show you are apparently in a Carrot – Peeling Contest and I guess, the girl is the judge?

[Carrot Peeling Contest - Clip]

[Two Dudes' Carrot Peeling On The Girls Face] (laughing)

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] What in the hell was that? I mean, really, there’s, there’s just something not right about that whole thing. How can she accurately judge the contest when she’s on her knees’ with her eyes closed? That just doesn’t seem like a fair and regulated contest to me, and how do you know who wins anyway? He who blows the biggest carrot load is the biggest winner? This video is 2 and an half years old and 200,00 views and it’s just wrong! Come on, young lady what would your mother say? She told you to eat your vegetables but not like eat your veg, never-mind, ahhhh. One can only imagine what you people are doing with a cheese grator, I’m sorry!