From Lebanon, with Love

As a mother of a soldier in the Israel Defense Forces, I pride myself on being pretty calm. But all that changed this past summer.

As a mother of a soldier in the Israel Defense Forces, I pride myself on being pretty calm. While I can't compete with my extremely laid-back husband, I don't lose any sleep over my olive green-clad son. Chananya, my first-born, has been stationed in Gaza, Ramallah, Kalkilya -- not particularly friendly places, to say the least -- and while I may worry a bit, I figure that the chances of anything happening to him are very small.

But I was ready to throw all that calm to the winds this past summer. Hezbollah terrorists, based in southern Lebanon, crossed into Israel and kidnapped two reserve soldiers. Israel retaliated by bombing Lebanon. Hezbollah started raining down missiles on northern Israel. We were at war.

"Good!" I exclaimed. "You should be bored stiff for the whole war!" He laughed. I didn't. I said I loved him, he said he loved me, and we hung up. Thank God, I thought as the tension left me. I'll still be able to sleep.

The war progressed. I listened to the radio often, and called Chananya frequently to make sure he was still on the Golan and everything was quiet. His cellular phone was off a lot -- much more than usual -- but whenever I managed to get him, he told me with a yawn that he was still there and nothing was happening. Israel was deliberately dropping bombs close to the Syrian border to send them the message not to get involved, he informed me, and while Syria was on high alert, we both knew they wouldn't attack Israel. His unit was still hanging out. It was still boring.

"Great," I said. "Stay bored. Very bored!"

Meanwhile, despite Israel's heavy bombing of terrorist targets in southern Lebanon, Hezbollah's missiles kept falling. After a couple of weeks, the news reported that we had begun a ground invasion. My stomach tightened, because I knew that meant casualties. Young men, my son's age, would be killed. But my son, safely positioned on the Golan Heights, wouldn't be among them.

During the entire war, Chananya came home only once, and I barely saw him. He arrived in the evening and fell into bed, as he often does. The next morning he changed into his good uniform, mumbled something about having to go down to Ashkelon for some ceremony, and quickly left. He came back late, fell into bed again, and the next morning returned to his unit. I was disappointed to see so little of him, but I figured that in wartime, he was needed on the Golan, boring or not.

The war finally ended with a ceasefire. Over 50 soldiers had lost their lives. My heart broke for the bereaved families, who had surely suffered considerable fear only to have their worst nightmare come true.

A short while later, my friend Batya and I treated ourselves to a day at the separate beach at Rishon LeTzion. The ocean is one of my favorite places. Floating far out with the sea all around me and the blue sky above, I feel overwhelmed by God's love for me.

Sitting on the beach afterwards, I sighed. "Batya, my life is so good. I have a home in Jerusalem, a wonderful husband, seven precious children, rewarding work, trips to the ocean... The problem is, I know I don't deserve all I've been given. What's more, I know I'm not growing as much as I would if I had to contend with difficulty or pain. And that's scary. I feel that sooner or later, something's going to have to happen and I'm just waiting for the axe to fall."

Batya looked thoughtful. I could see she was choosing her words carefully. "What would it take to feel that the axe had fallen?"

I shuddered. "I don't want to think about it. Getting a terrible disease. Worse, something happening to my husband. Or one of the kids."

A couple of weeks later, I noticed something unusual in the mail. It was from the army. I opened it. Inside was a letter addressed to all the parents of my son's unit. I read it -- and froze.

The letter was thanking us for supporting our brave sons who had fought so courageously in Lebanon.

Chananya had been in Lebanon.

I confronted my husband. It turned out he had known all along, but recognizing the limits of my calm, he told Chananya not to tell me. I wasn't angry -- I knew the decision to spare me from worrying came only from love. Meanwhile, basically the rest of the world -- including Batya, and Chananya's next three younger siblings -- knew. Only I was allowed to continue naively believing that my son was sitting bored on the Golan.

Shortly afterwards, Chananya came home on leave. I waited for a good time and quietly told him I knew where he'd spent half his summer. He didn't look surprised -- it was just a matter of time before I found out. I asked him what he'd been doing in Lebanon. He told me, matter-of-factly, that he was shooting, being shot at, and blowing up terrorists' bunkers.

Then I asked him what ceremony he had attended the day he was home. He told me it was a funeral for a soldier in his unit.

TRY AGAIN

It's very disturbing to have your past reality change so dramatically. But once I recovered, I thought deep and hard.

My son had been in Lebanon. Had I known, I would have prayed with more intensity than ever. I would have taken upon myself some huge mitzvah as a merit for him. I would have done just about anything in the hope of ensuring his safe return.

Could gratitude motivate me as much as fear?

Well, he did come home safely. Did I not now owe God just as much as if I'd suffered that worry and tension? And even more, for the incredible blessing of having been spared it?

Could gratitude motivate me as much as fear?

Jews are commanded constantly both to love and to fear God. Fear is a lower level of relationship, and it comes more easily to most of us. On the eve of the 1991 Gulf War, when Saddam Hussein was threatening to destroy Israel with chemical weapons, there was a lot of fervent praying and repentance. Fear is a great motivator.

Love is tougher to muster up, because as long as things are going well, we take most of our blessings for granted. When the Gulf War ended on Purim, the 39 conventional missiles that had fallen on Israel had left only one fatality. It was clearly miraculous, and for a short time everyone felt it and was thankful. But that quickly dissipated, and within no time at all, life was unfortunately back to normal.

I felt that God was now testing me, saying: You're good at fearing Me, but look what I've given you: I saved your son from danger that you didn't even know he was in. Can you now love Me as much -- and keep loving Me?

I'll be honest: I tried, but not hard enough. I slipped back into complacency. So a month later, God sent me a different kind of wake-up call. While hiking in a wadi, I dislocated and broke my wrist. This time I think I responded better. Despite the pain and the prospect of slow healing, I made two long lists of all my reasons to be grateful.

First I listed the many blessings accompanying the accident. My ever calm husband was there; my wrist and not my ankle was injured, so I could climb out; it was my left wrist and not my dominant right; I had fast emergency room care and a nice doctor; it was after beach season(!), and more.

Then I listed all the spiritual benefits that resulted. To name a few: My irreligious sense of invincibility was destroyed; I acquired greater empathy for my handicapped mother; and I was forced to develop patience and trust in God for the long months ahead.

Most importantly, my accident drove home the lesson I hadn't fully learned from Lebanon: that I should deeply appreciate everything I've been given, never take it for granted, and constantly love God for it.

Simple and obvious truths, it seems, are those we often have the most difficulty internalizing. Thankfully, God always gives us the opportunity to try again.

Visitor Comments: 38

I am in the same situation at present. Thank you for sharing this. You have left me "shaken and stirred".

I am in the same situation at present but living very far away and will only, G-d willing, see my son once a year. Thank you for sharing this. You have left me "shaken and stirred".

(37)
Jeveline,
August 23, 2010 3:59 AM

Thank you for sharing. It reminds me to be grateful and thankful every day.

(36)
yehoshua paltiel (poltenson),
April 19, 2007 2:43 PM

great article

Gila, thanks for sharing that. Just tell me: my showing up with a rifle and uniform did not have anything to do with chananya - right? G-d bless you all, and regards to your wonderful husband Avraham

(35)
Kathy Leebhoff,
March 4, 2007 1:25 AM

Gila, it was incredible hearing about your son. I think that my heart must have skipped a beat just imagining what you must have gone through. Thinking about you while still here in North Hollywood. Remembering, your amazing zest for life. Love Kathy

(34)
shamoon,
March 3, 2007 7:40 AM

you very good

your very good a man

(33)
cwaxman,
February 25, 2007 9:06 PM

Hello, Gila, your message stirs me

My family and I had Shabbat dinner with your family in Har Nof and your daughter Amuna has been my grandchildren's favorit friend for years. How blessed all of you are.

(32)
issam ghallab,
February 25, 2007 9:38 AM

what we are waiting for?

dears/no body have the answer to the question/what are we waiting for and -hizbollah-reorganizing his -death wish- so as to lunch more and more missieles against the people of israel..really for mi i dont understand the american and israely policy regarding how whene and where will be the finel death of hizbollah as to free lebanon and to win in iraq iran and syria dears/dont postpone any more the finel victory against the criminal and terrorist and bringing them to the justic...i can serve too...issam ghallab venezuela

(31)
LoretteStarr,
February 22, 2007 8:32 PM

My daughter went to Israel via Birthright 2006

As an American mom, I find myself daily wondering how my little girl is doing (so what if she's now 20), she'll always be my little girl in a grown up body. I have not seen her since the 21st of June. She's informed us she "loves Israel and considers Israel her home". I realize we only have the deep blue sea that separates us. We stay in touch via IM's, emails and those brief phone calls. She has seen so much of the world. I know the heartbreak of being told "I am staying in Israel, it's beautiful here I am at home." I know I may not ever see her again. I miss her. I pray for Shalom now in Israel and in the world.I want the thank all the Israeli soldiers for their protection and safety.

(30)
Barbara Martin,
February 22, 2007 8:08 PM

Thank you so much for sharing that lesson with us. What you wrote is true. Often times we are not as thankful as we should be. I am trying to be thankful for the bad as well as the good. GOD bless you and yours.

(29)
Danielle,
February 7, 2007 4:45 PM

I was on birthright with Chananya

This past summer I went on Birthright to Israel and Chananya was one of our Israeli soldiers that accompanied us on our trip.

We went from July 1- July 14, just as the war started.

We all grew so emotionally connected with each of the Israeli soldiers on our trip and by the end, we all left with teary eyes.

I have read Gila's book on Shomer Negiah before I had went to Israel, and Chananya handed out a few of these books towards the end of our trip. It is really coincidental that he is her son, we were all really surprised to find that out.

He is such a great person and I learned so much from him in such a short period of time :)

I'm glad I found this message board.

(28)
Ofra Ben-David,
February 7, 2007 2:37 AM

Faith in G-D and pray in time of war helps.

This article is close to my heart and it is touching to know what mothers in Isr. are going through in time of war, and it is on going war, I am here in Houston and every time I hear the news about Isr.I pray to G-D to keep our soldiers safe.

(27)
EloÃ¡ Gruc,
February 2, 2007 7:50 AM

A lesson of life

We, the jews out of Israel, pray for the soldiers, who certainly are our sons also. This article touched me a lot.EloÃ¡ Gruc from Brazil

(26)
Jo Richelson,
February 1, 2007 2:15 PM

Article by Gila Manolson

A beautiful article by Mrs.Manolson. My Granddaughter was in Israel (birthright program)right before the Lebanon war and her son, she wrote about, was one of their guards. He was a very special person like his Mother.

(25)
Desmond Slade,
February 1, 2007 4:50 AM

Thanks

What a beautiful article, full of Jewish love. Oh that more Israelis would turn to God in love, thank Him for everything, including that beautiful country.

(24)
dovi cohen,
January 31, 2007 10:57 AM

very good

i love it-it rocks

(23)
Sharon,
January 30, 2007 11:57 AM

I identify completely

And as blessed as I feel, I'm always waiting for the axe to fall. I pray that I'll be able to grow without too much pain.

(22)
Martine Vanacker,
January 30, 2007 7:29 AM

the same family

Your article has inspired me to pray even more for Israel.I am living in a comfortable situation, in a rich country, whith three marvelous children.. and I know that Israel is in a difficult situation. As a christian we want to support you. Thank you, I hope I met you in Jerusalem.

(21)
Anonymous,
January 30, 2007 7:27 AM

true words

so true, we cause ourselves anxiety in order, we think,to prevent tragedy and to motivate us to be closer to Hashem but when we are calm and things are going smoothly, the urgency is just not there. thank your son for us.

(20)
Anonymous,
January 30, 2007 12:32 AM

good to thank our GOD

In the USA we have already forgotten the 9/11 attack. Your story was a gentle reminder that we live in uncertain times but we serve a good God! thank you

(19)
peri,
January 29, 2007 10:04 PM

you raised a wonderful responsible and devoted son. both you and your husband should take great pride in that. and while you are doing so, please thank your son from all of us. having lost my father, 4 months later my husband (age 48 from 1 second to the next) and my mother 2 weeks after my husband's first yarzeit really brought home that absolute truthful saying--women are like tea leaves--put them into hot water and you will surely see their strength. not easy to say that. right at this moment i am able to. and so i wish you the best. and i constantly beseech that no one ever go through such living hell.yailchu machyil l'chayl bezrat Hashemthank you again

(18)
Alfred,
January 29, 2007 3:13 PM

God Bless Chananya

Yes, God bless Chananya.I pray God will watch over him and protect him.

(17)
noah,
January 29, 2007 2:25 PM

THANK GOD

I knew him from Aish and a little better from when I stayed with all you guys (in his chateau on the balcony!..), one Shabbos back in early 2004. I knew not long into meeting him that he was so very serious about his career goals and what they would entail. It's inspiring to hear (and see from the photo), how he's grown with them. Thank you for sharing, truly.

(16)
Shirley,
January 29, 2007 10:53 AM

Very thought timely

I nned to be reminded that in everything to gove God thanks. It is His goodness that leads us to repentance. Thank you.

(15)
Steven,
January 29, 2007 10:50 AM

Now that's perspective.

Rebetzin Manolson eloquently says what needs be said.

(14)
Anonymous,
January 29, 2007 4:23 AM

Thank you for bringing out the beauty and importance in loving Hashem and appriciating every second of good that we have.

(13)
anonymous,
January 29, 2007 12:00 AM

special

I am really impressed by the love and devotion your son showed you- it must have been very hard for him not to tell you-

(12)
Mindy,
January 28, 2007 11:14 PM

Wow! What a thing to hide!

I don't think any of us here in the United States can ever understand what it means to have a relative in the place of danger. It's like: How do you react to knowing that every time you tell your loved one goodbye it may be the last time? It's heartwrenching, and totoally incomprehensible. It makes you realize how much you love your family members.

(11)
Connie Newman,
January 28, 2007 10:23 PM

Beautiful Mothers Story

January 23 my Father s Friend lost her only 19 year old son in a car accident...He was a good boy...She has 2 or 3 daughters Thank God....How Sick and heartbroken she must be and my heart hurts for her and Gila ....

(10)
Rivky W.,
January 28, 2007 10:06 PM

We need more articles like this

Thank you for putting your thoughts into words. It is easy to be inspired, and just as easy to become uninspired again and forget what we learned. But if we have more articles like this to read then we can keep getting inspired over and over again.Thank you.

(9)
Frederick,
January 28, 2007 8:43 PM

Gila Manolson article

I enjoy reading many of the articles in your newsletter.The article by Gila Manolson was a tribute to Jews. It was warming, inspiring, human and sad all at once.

(8)
Chana Levi,
January 28, 2007 4:18 PM

Power of Prayer

I could relate to every word of this story. My son is also in the IDF and was on the Lebanese border during the war. He also didn't tell me what he was up to till it was over. But as soon as I found out he was going to the border, I contacted everyone I knew and all on my email list and asked them to daven for him. When he finally came home, he told me these stories. One Shabbat afternoon, he was outside with two other soldiers when a missile came right at them. It happened so fast they had no time to react. The other two soldiers were unfortunately wounded but my son was B"H intact, except for mild shock. Another time his unit was about to go on a mission inside Lebanon but it got canceled at the last minute. The power of prayer is amazing!

(7)
Miriam,
January 28, 2007 2:54 PM

As If

Thank you, Gila, for sharing your personal struggle as a religious mother of a soldier. Not having a son in the army, while having a married son of army age, I feel the need to daven more than the average mother. I don't believe a soldier's life ends earlier than a young man who serves his people through Torah learning. We know there are illnesses or traffic accidents, G-d forbid. As a religious Jew, I know the soldiers who die during their army duty are doing so "Al kiddush Hashem" -sanctifying Hashem in this world. What troubles me most is that I get up in the morning and make my 'to do' list without empathizing as much as I can with the mothers of the missing soldiers. In an attempt to pull my heart after my actions, I have these soldiers, previous 'missing' soldiers and Jonathan Pollard in mind when I say the morning bracha "Matir Asurim". I try to stop for a moment before saying the bracha, and feel as if it were a son of mine...wondering if he is alive or dead, wondering if he is in pain, wondering if there is anyone really doing anything that can help....waiting for Hashem's rachamim to kick in and bring my son home. I say this bracha loudly with my eyes closed, "MATIR ASURIM!", ...I am so lacking the proper level of concentration, but I hope it helps.

(6)
Arik,
January 28, 2007 2:45 PM

Thank you for giving us a wake up call

Thank you very much for your article. It underscores the importance of being grateful on a daily basis both for the things that have happened for us and, yes, even those things that have happened to us. If both bring us to the undestanding and appreciation of G-d's benevolence and His Teaching, then truly, as hard as some situations can be, everything is a blessing. Thank YOU for being a blessing.

(5)
Anonymous,
January 28, 2007 12:37 PM

Very very true, meaningful and applies to everyone!

(4)
Sara Rigler,
January 28, 2007 12:15 PM

A glimpse into a truly aspiring soul

This article was a "wake-up call" to me as well. If Gila should be filled with love and gratitude to Hashem that her son came back safely from Lebanon, should I be any less filled with love and gratitude to Hashem that my daughter, who recently got her driver's license, comes home safely from driving, that my son comes home safely from riding on the bus, that my husband comes home safely from trips into downtown Jerusalem? A great article!

(3)
S. Arnold,
January 28, 2007 11:44 AM

Thank you for sharing this

Thank you for your son's service, and for your support behind him. And for sharing this story. We all need reminders sometimes, and this was a good one. That when times are bad, we are to open up even more (not close up). I often think of doing mitzvot for my own merits and forget about our "collective karma." It's a reminder how we're all connected.

(2)
Leah,
January 28, 2007 10:53 AM

Wow.

Gila, I saw you at "CC" when you gave a lecture for the parents. Everyone was mesmerized by your talk. In fact, after the lecture, the parents grabbed up every book you had to sell!I didn't know your son was in the army. Now that I do know, please accept our heartfelt thanks for your and your family's huge sacrifice for Am Yisrael.May your son be totally bored during the rest of his army service!Leah

(1)
C. Siegel,
January 28, 2007 4:41 AM

Thank You For Your Wonderful Son

...And thank you for your perspective on tefilla as an IDF mom. All our hearts should be spilling over with thankfulness (and unity) for all the IDF moms and dads and of course, our brave and steadfast soldiers, those on the front, those in the rear, and those learning and praying for them. May Hashem bring them all home safe and sound and never let our spirits weaken.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...