After only ten minutes of jogging outside, area woman Jane Lester’s workout was ruined by one of the worst thunderstorms of the summer, which was followed by Lester’s consumption of an entire chocolate cake. “I’m a really dedicated...

In line with the notorious, statewide rivalry between the University of Michigan and the Ohio State University, this year’s incoming out-of- state students are already continuing the centuries-old tradition of pretending to hate Ohio. “I can’t...

Weinstein is excited to see how far his daughter advances in next year’s tournament. According to sources close to the family, student Rachel Weinstein’s dad gave called her last Sunday to congratulate her on the University of Michigan Men’s...

Williams realized that it’s only getting worse from here. Youth baseball player Timmy Williams is reportedly coming to terms with his complete lack of talent after being assigned to right field in his team’s fifth game of the season. Williams,...

Gym users were unsure what exactly was wrong with the equipment. Upon discovering an unoccupied squat bar in an otherwise packed weight room, gym goers concluded that the only explanation was that the equipment was, “some kind of sadistic trap.”...