The secrets of the universe are soon to be revealed! I am Baba Doodlius, and I know all! Well, truth be told I only know "most", but since nobody knows "all" I can just make up the stuff I don't know and nobody will be the wiser. That's the First Secret of Baba Doodlius! More to come.
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Thursday, November 1, 2007

Greetings all you hamsters on the spinning exercize wheel of Truth! Baba Doodlius here, with this week's Revelation of another Mystery of the Universe!

I'm sure you think of me as a tenacious, hard-working champion on a never-ending quest for Truth, but in reality I am basically a lazy bastard. So I'm not going to do any work whatsoever this week. Rather, I have a Special Guest Blogger who has done all of the work for today's Revelation and as such will also be writing all the copy.

So without further ado, and because I'm tired from even having to type a few sentences, I am happy to introduce to you my good friend and Special Guest Blogger

Howdy Blog Readers! I'm Buckirk McGurk, and my ol' buddy Baba Doodlius has asked me if I'd like to do a blog entry for him this week. Well shucks, Baba, that'd be just fine with me!

Baba tells me that he does this blog about all the Secrets of the Universe that everbody wants to know but just don't ask fer whatever reason. Well I have somethin' to contribute to Baba's little encyclopedia here, seein' as how I know a secret that people DO ask now and again. And that would be

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

And in case you were wonderin', NO, I'm NOT gonna discuss that novelty T-shirt with the chicken and the egg humpin' each other. That would be just plain silly, and this is a completely serious blog.

Now I know some of you are gonna get all smart-alecky and start talkin' about how lots of old-timey critters laid eggs

Yes, dinosaurs laid eggs you smart-aleck varmints.

Well you think you're so smart, but we're talkin' about chickens and chicken eggs here, consarnit! I had a theory of my own here I wanted to look into, and I just so happen to have access to all Baba's super-duper high-tech time travellin' equipment that he uses to go back in time and prove his theories. So I went all the way back in time, to the absolute beginning, and got a picture of the the start of time as you know it (pretty slick, eh? Baba's got some seriously neat stuff here at the ol' nest, lemme tell ya). Yep, I'm talkin' about the Big Bang! I got a picture o' that!

And my picture proves my theory of which came first beyond any doubt:

It was a chicken what started the whole Big Bang itself! The Cosmic Chicken laid the whole Universe!

Now that y'all know that you owe your entire existence to the Cosmic Chicken, you might have a little more respect for us chickens, and stop eatin' so darned many of us! And Baba, thanks for lettin' me set all these good people straight about that whole chicken-egg Mystery. Have a good 'un!

Well, Buckirk, that was, uh, enlightening, I guess. I won't even try to fathom how the Cosmic Chicken got there. Anyway, I hope you folks enjoyed today's guest blogger, but from now on I think I'll just get off my lazy, feathered butt and write my own updates fer cryin' out loud.

Have you never seen on a clear night when the moon is full, the constellation Pullam Gallinam Cosmos? It's right next to the Big Dipper, you can't miss it. In a leap year, you often see the formation jump into the big pot!

The Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius

Let me explain... no, there is too much. Let me sum up:

The Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius is a citizen of the Universe, and resides there full time. He enjoys eating, sleeping, chewing up blocks of wood, and pondering the deepest secrets of the Cosmos that have remained unexhumed and unexamined for countless millenia. All that and he's darned cute as well.