The indie kid’s guide to classical music

What you need to do is close the curtains, take your clothes off, lie face down with your teeth sunk deep into the carpet. Then get your butler to sprinkle your buttocks with rose petals and put on the 16-plus hours of Wagner’s operatic tetralogy, The Ring, before he retreats, locking the door on you, until the bloody ordeal is over. Not really: what you need is peace, quiet and concentration.