The recent Hollywood redux of Get Smart isn’t particularly good, but it did remind me of 2 things:

1.) That both BigDubbs and The Rock enjoy talking about themselves in the third-person, and BigDubbs definitely still appreciates The Rock aka The People’s Elbow aka Dwayne Johnson. But he cannot smell what The Rock is cooking…

aka

2.) That Get Smart was the shit…

and you should never try and remake the shit.

aka

The whole point of this drop however, was that i mistakenly thought we copped a whole lot of interest in the comments section all of a sudden, but then realised that something even more significant had occurred…

Just to put the randomness of this story in perspective, these are the first images you get if you google:

“drunk 12 year old victoria australia”

It’s true, there’s few things as iconic as a lazy red kangaroo with a super-imposed nondescript beer, but lets get back to the subject.

What the fk is up with a 12 year old girl having skills like that?

Not only did she achieve a certified high score on the breathometer, but shit, she also drove the car, and skipped her Court appearance.

There’s a police dragnet out as we speak blog, for this pre-teen dynamo.

While NOTR by no means condones the activities of this young lady, we do ask that you consider, for a moment, the situation that the hard-working, diligent, Victorian police officer found him/herself in.

COP: Hello ma’m, just a random breath-test. can i see your license and registration please?

12 YEAR OLD GIRL: Oh, where am i? Car’s are funny, can i have a Breezer?

COP: License and registration please?

12 YEAR OLD GIRL: What’s a license, i don’t smoke? Did you hear about Dave and Megan? She’s such a slut.

COP: Can you please step out of the car ma’m?

12 YEAR OLD GIRL: My mum told me not to talk to strangers…

If only the police had invited her to a Facebook party, next to the Village Cinemas at QV, she would have been there for sure…

Drink responsibly friends, and for god sake don’t send your little sister out for booze, she may just ‘jack a car and go on the run… with your booze.

Whether or not you’ve ever enjoyed the tasty fruit-yoghurty goodness of a Weiss Bar fresh from your local freezer…

If you like well written prose, smoking weed, reggae/hip hop/afro beat/funk/”indie”/rock/shit… music in any real sense, if you appreciate the almost intangible (read: largely fictitious) quality of a well constructed blog-post, then by gosh, you should be reading:

As an unrelated aside, graduate art shows are funny events… free booze however, makes up for many silly people and their ridiculously pompous attitudes. “I’ll kick you off your bike you fucking dog.” now that’s art.

Pirates from Somalia have seized the Sirius Star, a Saudi supertanker sailing for the States.¹ About 450 kms off the coast of Kenya, southeast of Mombassa (no Reg), the Sirius Star was carrying approximately US$100m worth of crude oil, which, for those not paying attention is about a bazillion dollars Australian. The ship is about 330 metres long and carries around 2 million barrels.

Additionally, crews of bucaneers hijacked a Hong Kong registered ship, The Delight, carrying 36,000 tonnes of wheat to Iran. While in September this year, some scurvy sea-dogs overran the Faina, a Ukrainian ship carrying 33 Soviet-designed T-72 tanks and a large supply of ammunition and grenade launchers intended for the Kenyan military.

Needless to say, moving tanks is tough in a speed boat, especially when each one ways 80,000 pounds.

The Gulf of Aden leads to and from the Suez canal and represents the major shipping channel for dry goods between Europe and North America. This means that ebay purchases are taking up to two weeks longer to arrive, or even worse, some Somalian cabin boy is playing your latest shipment of Institubes vinyl.

These freebooting corsairs are in the ransom business. With demands of up to $35 million being made for the return of one ship and its crew. This year alone has seen more than 50 ships attacked, 25 hijacked and about a dozen currently being held by pirates. Recognising the impact of the language barrier, they even have someone who speaks english, but how do you say arggghh in Iranian?

The experts are speculating that the pirates wait on the high seas and then board the large unwieldy trade ships using speed boats and grappling hooks… oh and rocket propelled grenades and machine guns. Already the rhetoric is flying around as millitary advisors start suggesting the preemptive sinking of any ship looking vaguely suspicious… isn’t that how Waterworld happened? ²

Obviously this is not a good look for international trade, but then neither was Enron or the US Stock Market, and many of these salty sea-bandits used to be fisherman, but due to political and economic upheaval they’ve had to get into other industries. I appreciate that “Big Poppa” Joe Biden, is against pirates, but rather than politicians talking about harpooning ‘threatening’ vessels, the international community should perhaps look more at stabilising an incredibly volatile part of the world… while they’re at it, AIDS and starvation in Africa could use some work, financial meltdowns across Europe and i believe we’re still at war with a few middle-eastern nations.

Be careful where you go fishing, friends, and for the record, the Iranian for arrrggh is in fact arrrggh… its a small world.

¹ Alliteration is an criminally underused form.

² Because i don’t want to have to piss on a tomato every day… and i’m a Smoker already.

Inspired by the recent death of legendary drummer Mitch Mitchell, Melbourne blues/grunge band Smurfinger posted this beautiful poem on their Myspaz bulletin. I cried on the inside when i read this.

mitch, oh mitch
you will be put in a ditch
i hope it doesnt itch down there
because you will be there for a long time
mitch, oh mitch
i like the way you played the drums
i like the way you mixed rock with jazz
and you called it “fusion”
you are such a quirky guy
why, oh why
mitch, oh mitch
did a guy like you have to die?

When approached by Chas Chandler of The Animals to be part of a three piece with Hendrix and Redding, the awesomely named teenager Mitch Mitchell replied… “i’ll give it a crack”.

Thus was the Exerience born. While the obvious focus was on Hendrix, there can be no doubt that Redding’s steady bass work and Mitch Mitchell’s Elvin Jones insprired Jazz drumming style provided the loose, responsive beat needed to allow Hendrix his exploratory guitar wig outs.

However, on the Afro front Mitch Mitchell was not so blessed, falling back on the time honoured white-boy tradition of the Perm for his tonsorial accoutrement.