24 Pet Peeves Everyone Has

So many people hate these things, you don't even feel bad for hating them anymore.

By
Cosmo Frank

Jun 06, 2014

1. When people say "expresso" instead of "espresso." Is this pretentious? Yes. Is it worse than mispronouncing a fairly common word? No.

2. Knuckle cracking. Do you want arthritis to gross people out?

3. When people leave the volume of their phone keyboards on high.

4. When people clear their throats a bunch of times. Just cough once loudly. It's preferable.

5. When people don't know the difference between your and you're. "You're" is a contraction of "you" and "are" as in, "You're an idiot."

6. When people quote themselves on Facebook. You might think that whatever you said was witty enough to post on social media, but it's best you just let that moment in the sun go. Don't milk it.

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7. When people maintain their personal hygiene outside of a bathroom. Are you just trying to show everyone you're one of five people on earth who actually flosses consistently?

8. When people stop in the middle of crowded, busy places. Pull over somewhere people aren't walking before you stop to check your phone, not at the top of a narrow staircase.

9. When people hit "reply all" to some random email chain you received. Cool, man, now we all know you wanted to unsubscribe.

10. Limp handshakes. Physiological issues notwithstanding, there's no reason to shake hands like you are a giant baby.

11. When strangers kiss you on the cheek. We just met. Thanks for the parting gift of your spit on my face.

12. One-upping. Thanks for interrupting my story about how my grandma is currently in the hospital to tell me both your grandmas died 10 years ago. Do either of their ghosts know how to perform an appendectomy or is this not really applicable?

13. When people say, "I itched it" instead of, "I scratched it." SOMETHING "ITCHES," YOU DO NOT ITCH IT. PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I ITCH MY EYES OUT IN FRUSTRATION.

14. When people use "lol" out of turn. Come on, we both know that text wasn't that funny.

15. When people use "haha" or "ok" in a text instead of sending a real response. Thanks for killing this conversation.

16. When two different audio things are playing at once. Why would you turn on music while I'm watching TV?? Fine, this is so insufferable I will cave. Grey's will wait until this dumb song is over.

17. When someone stands behind you while you're watching TV. Just come in the room and sit down instead of lurking at my periphery.

18. When someone asks you to repeat yourself because they were too busy texting someone else to listen. Doing two things at once and then screwing one of them up isn't multitasking.

20. When people ask you for directions even though you are busy and people around you aren't. I'm on a phone call. Why are you interrupting me to ask what street you're on instead of asking the person next to me who is literally just staring at a wall. Oh, OK. I get it now…

21. Public, adult pushing. You are an adult person. Why are you pushing me? Stop. No pushing.

22. When someone writes or says, "le sigh." Pepé Le Pew excluded.

23. When people call you by your nickname even when you introduce yourself by your full name. Oh, I'm sorry, did Ursula the Sea Witch steal my voice before I fully got through my name or are you just in a habit of not listening to people?

24. Loud chewing. I'm not sure what's worse, this happening or the fact that it bothers me so much.