MARK Cuban’s slow-pitch bouquet to Isiah Thomas while the Mavericks were in New York is learned jibber-jabber from years of playing poker with chumps:

Haul in the chips and praise the losers. “It was just bad luck. … The cards just weren’t falling for you. … You’re real good players.”

“They’re good all right, good at losing all their cash, many more times than not,” underlines column contributor Alan Hirsch. “The only thing the Knicks are really good for is matching the other team in the ‘total minutes played” column. It’s uncanny how every game they’re able to equal their opponent, 240 minutes to 240 minutes. They’re even able to keep pace minute-for-minute in overtime.”

I’ll believe Cuban believes in Thomas when he puts him in charge of squandering his fortune and managing his team’s minutes.

Nobody is saying the Knicks haven’t improved this season, but much of that is attributed to the cast remaining together from training camp (other than buying out peripheral personnel), and maturing naturally as individuals and as a unit. I think we all know who made the no-trade, stand-pat decision, and it wasn’t the False Prophet.

What I am saying is, the Knicks would be in no worse shape had James Dolan not replaced Larry Brown on the sidelines and simply allowed the players to coach themselves.

That was never more evident than after Thursday’s homely performance against Portland (and reinforced last night in Cleveland), minus low docks dealer Zach Randolph, the Blazers’ leading scorer and rebounder.

Oh, that’s right, Eddy Curry, the pony the Knicks ride in the paint, didn’t play, against Portland, either. Check that, I’m wrong; it just appeared as if he didn’t play, judging by his zero trips to the free-throw line to complement his eight-point, four-rebound effort against the Blazers.

So, what seems to be Curry’s problem? “Teams have figured out how to play us right now,” Thomas enlightened the assembled media crunch after the loss to the Blazers. “They’re double-teaming and triple-teaming Eddy. We’ve just go to find a way to score the basketball.”

As opposed to what, the goal? A puck? Music? At least Thomas has that much down cold!

Still, this is nothin’ remotely new. Opponents have been confounding Curry for weeks by attacking him from different angles at diverse intervals to keep him off balance when he gets the ball, or to keep him from getting it. While his team’s backcourt (once Jamal Crawford got stressed out) has infuriated him by banking the bulk of the Knicks’ attack in an off-shore account.

It’s immaterial which comes first, the defensive convergence on Curry and subsequent disruption/frustration, or the colonization of the 3-point line by Stephon Marbury (3-12), Nate Robinson (8-9) and Steve Francis (1-6) against the Blazers. What matters is the Knicks are meekly allowing the defense to dictate their offense, as evidenced by last night’s 90-68 atrocity to the Cavaliers.

Hence, no free-throw attempts for Curry and a short stack of 14 for the entire team Thursday – in their own building – and deservedly so. Marbury, Robinson and Francis combined for 27 trifectas and 10 fouls shots. In comparison, the Blazers, infinitely more aggressive to the tin, went to the welfare line 31 times.

Any game now I fully expect Thomas and his staff o’ plenty to craft the appropriate adjustment, and that doesn’t mean catering to Curry for 27 while nobody else cracks double figures except Renaldo Balkman (12). Deputize Robinson, if necessary, to unscramble the clutter. You definitely want the input of someone who celebrates after every basket as if it’s an NBA championship. When do 5-foot-8 guys with low assists – one in 33 minutes – ever win games? Never! Nevertheless, Da Gadget seemed pretty happy.

On second thought, maybe Thomas plans to wait until next Friday’s rematch in Dallas to unveil his cunningly remodeled offense and defense to show off in front of Cuban.

Or maybe he’s saving such shrewdness for Game 2 of the opening playoff series.

Who knows, maybe adjustments weren’t covered under the warranty of Thomas’ recent extension.

Because Dolan re-upchucked The Prophet’s contract, human nature took over in a league of hard-line hombres. The Knicks dropped their guard and haven’t recovered from the hangover of the reward for attaining mediocrity. But, wait, mediocrity is equilibrium. The 30-39 Knicks aren’t even close.

I can still see the photo of the team huddled that infamous afternoon. Curry and the other suspects were he-hawin’ it like they’d achieved something special. I don’t think they’ve won more than once since. A reward for what?