This is my blog. So far most of the entries are about sports. Please check out my autism site at www.coachmike.net and my photography site at www.mikefrandsen.net. Please also see my sports articles at http://www.examiner.com/sports-in-washington-dc/mike-frandsen and http://bleacherreport.com/users/583899-mike-frandsen, my autism articles at http://www.examiner.com/dc-in-national/mike-frandsen, and www.myredskinsblog.com. By Mike Frandsen.

Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

Heard Mike Wise on 106.7 “The Fan” today (my Sirius Satellite radio wasn’t working) talking about seeding older women (I prefer not to call them “Cougars”) as if in an NCAA-style March Madness tournament. Only problem is, it has already been done – by me more than a year ago: mikefrandsen.org/2008/12/05/most-beautiful-tv-news-women-2008/. How about some credit?

So in no particular order (who am I kidding – Linda Hamilton and Lynda Carter are tied at No. 1), off the top of my head, here are a few older women. Don’t talk to me about 40 or 41 – that’s not older. Even when I was 35 I wouldn’t have said that was older. You have to bee at least in the mid-to late 40s to make this list.

Christine McVie

Hannah Storm

Susan Lisovicz

Jill Clayburgh

Lynda Carter

Linda Hamilton

Michelle Pfeiffer (listening to the song “Tequila Sunrise” as I write this)

Karen Finerman (“The Chairwoman)

Anne Archer

Katty Kay

Sandra Bullock (reluctantly)

Sharon Stone

Jacqueline Bisset

Sigourney Weaver

I’m sure I missed a ton but that’s just a combo of my first two lists and also a little off the top of my head.

“She is very sharp. She’s gotten better in sports knowledge and looks as she’s gotten older. I didn’t expect to include her but now I can’t keep her out. Her work is absolutely stellar, way better than it was years ago.”

Hannah Storm

As for Kornheiser’s recent comments about Storm being too old to wear what she wears, I think she looks amazing even though I usually favor women who are a few pounds overweight rather than a few pounds underweight. But one thing is certain. If I had a choice between a woman in her 40s (like Hannah Storm), her 30s, or her 20s, nine times out of ten I’d choose the one in her 40s, especially if she were like Hannah Storm.

MINNEAPOLIS – For the first time in recorded history, a woman used “logic,” defined as “reason or sound judgment,” ahead of emotion in dealing with her boyfriend, while her boyfriend simultaneously placed more importance on understanding her emotions than attempting to fix their problems using only his perspective.

The historic moment occurred Tuesday afternoon when Polly Piatkouwski and John Tuttle “validated” each others’ thoughts by listening and repeating back what each other said, a strategy that has been previously believed to be theoretically possible, but heretofore never actually been verified to have occurred organically.

“I decided to listen to what she was saying and tried to put myself in her position,” Tuttle said. Meanwhile, Piatkowski said she used “reason,” defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “the power of intelligent and dispassionate thought, or of conduct influenced by such thought.”

“It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be,” Piatkouwski opined. “But I’ll probably go back to letting my emotions rule my thoughts, being indirect, and expecting John to read my mind.” Tuttle said he planned to return to trying to fix problems, taking things literally and ignoring intangibles rather than listening to his girlfriend and understanding where she’s coming from.

Still, the moment will be chronicled and celebrated for decades to come, historians say. “If it happened once, it could happen again,” said Nicholas Johnson of the National Archives and Records Administration.

Sociologists say women have used logic before. They also have multiple records of men being emotionally aware and validating what women say. However, this has never been accomplished to anyone’s knowledge by the same couple in the same situation.

Psychologist Norman Greenbaum said he believes that the couple’s claims are plausible. “With hundreds of millions of couples having argued throughout America’s history, I believe this may have even happened another time at some point before and just gone unnoticed.”

Greenbaum said that it would be statistically possible for a man to be empathetic while his girlfriend uses rational sense to solve a problem. He stated that this phenomenon may even occur again at some point. However, cynics say the couple may be perpetrating a hoax, claiming that the odds of such an event are just too high to have actually occurred during the same situation.

(Note: The above is a satire and not related to any particular situation. It is written in the style of articles on the onion.com. Sometimes I write blogs or website content that is exaggerated or intended to be humorous. Not everyone will like it or get it. It reminds me of a story in which comedian Gilbert Gottfried was bombing, but continued to do more and more of the same material on purpose despite the audience’s reaction).

Me: (I “winked” at her – admittedly a lazy thing to do instead of emailing).

Her: I enjoyed your profile. Specifically your timeline of events and your clarity on having kids, refreshing. Great pics. Also nice to have an MBA make good money and still be liberal and believe in universal healthcare, even more refreshing.

Off to the gym this morning, perhaps we can extend this into an exchange then a conversation?

Me: Thanks for the email. I have to admit I don’t make much money right now working with kids. But let me know if you’d still like to meet.

Mike

Her: No response.

My comment: I have seen a lot of women who marry partly for the money, and it is true that they are happy — for the first five years or so.

So this is my list of the 20 most attractive actresses in movies. I list them as the most “attractive” instead of “beautiful,” because though most of them are beautiful, “attractive” implies personality traits and other intangibles. The roles are also important, though this isn’t a list of great actresses – it’s a list of the most attractive women in my opinion based on their roles in these movies. So it’s sort of more the character than the person, since obviously I don’t know them.

Without going through the whole list, this competition was over before it began. Linda Hamilton has the nice girl, innocent look in “Terminator” and she shows she has a lot of heart. Then in “Terminator II” she becomes a bad ass. Franka Potente in “Bourne Identity” has moxie and style. If I had just seen her without her being in the role, she might not make the top 100, but she is pretty phenomenal in the role of Marie.

Sometimes it’s a particular scene that leaves the impression, like when Sigourney Weaver is possessed by a ghost in “Ghostbusters,” or when Phoebe Cates walks by the pool in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” with an assist by the song “Moving in Stereo” by the Cars (one of the most underappreciated rock bands of all time). Then there’s the woman as authority figure, like P.J. Soles who played an MP in “Stripes,” a variation on the teacher theme. In “Silver Streak,” Jill Clayburgh looked wholesome; in “Basic Instinct” Sharon Stone did not.

Back before older women were called cougars, you had Jacqueline Bisset (“Class”), Anne Archer (“Patriot Games”) and of course, Anne Bancroft in “The Graduate,” who just edges out Katherine Ross from the same movie. Believe it or not, Linda Fiorentino of “Vision Quest” was also an older woman although she played someone who was only 21 in the movie. Her suitor in Vision Quest was 17. I always thought her character was more like 25 until I saw the movie again. Cheesy movie but great.

The mention of Sandra Bullock reminds me that I saw her twice in bars in Washington, D.C. about 10 years ago. Each time she had her hair colored blond (or was wearing a wig) like she has it in her new movie “The Blind Side.” It was definitely her. Once was in Atomic Billiards in Cleveland Park. I honestly can’t remember where the other time was. Anyway, I went up to her to talk. I didn’t mention anything about her looking like (or being) Sandra Bullock – just tried to talk with her but I have to say she was pretty underwhelmed. She blew me off both times. Then after that I told her I knew who she was. Again, she was a little bit unimpressed. Oh well.

So here you have it. I’m going to add pictures later.

Linda Hamilton, Terminator

Linda Hamilton, Terminator II

Franka Potente, Bourne Identity and Bourne Supremacy

P.J. Soles, Stripes

Jacqueline Bisset, Class

Sigourney Weaver, Ghostbusters

Jill Clayburgh, Silver Streak

Linda Fiorentino, Vision Quest

Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct

Anne Bancroft, The Graduate

Katherine Ross, The Graduate

Anne Archer, Patriot Games

Julia Roberts, Ocean’s Eleven

Sandra Bullock, Speed

Lucy Liu, Charlie’s Angels

Jessica Lange, King Kong

Debra Winger, Officer and a Gentleman

Halle Berry, Swordfish

Robin Wright Penn, Forrest Gump

Ashley Judd, Double Jeopardy

Phoebe Cates, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Honorable Mention: Lynda Carter. I know she was a TV actress and hardly did any movies, but I had to include her on the list. She can occasionally be spotted in Bethesda, MD and looks as great as ever.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ve missed a ton of attractive actresses but this is the list. It was almost a year ago that I did the list of the most beautiful newswomen of 2008, and that blog entry has gotten more traffic than all my other blog posts combined.

Here’s an interview I did in 1999 with a Vampiress. She talks a lot about philosophy and happiness. For example, enjoyment is found in the now, not in the past or the future. It’s good stuff.

The video says it’s intended for mature audiences, but it’s really pretty tame. She’s wearing basically the equivalent of a bikini. I rated it NC-17 so that’s why you have to verify your age. To be honest, not many people read my blog anyway…

Is she a real vampiress? Well that may be stretching it a little bit, but hey, vampires are big nowadays. And as I will say in the next blog post after this one, the posts I do about women usually generate much more traffic to my blog than any of my posts on sports or autism combined although you can still expect a lot more of those in the future. For example, the Most Beautiful TV News Women of 2008 blog literally got more traffic than all my other blog posts combined, ever.

If some people think it toes the line of what is appropriate, well, it is what it is. Guess what? I guess I don’t really care anymore. Listen to the wisdom in the video.

I’m writing below notes I’ve made from a bunch of different books about relationships for married and unmarried couples. A few years ago, I got really into the subject as I went to couples counseling with my girlfriend at the time. As I look at the notes, I guess I got a little obsessed about it. I underlined the best parts of the books and then typed out those parts. It is possible that, like Rodney Dangerfield said in “Back to School,” “The guy who underlined those books could have been an idiot.”

(There’s another good line from that movie that I like. Rodney asks his professor out for a date. She says, “I can’t tomorrow, I have class.” He replies, “Ok, why don’t you go out with me when you have no class.” But enough about a guy who gets more respect than I do…)

Anyway, about the notes from the books, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being as prepared as possible. It’s fun to wing it sometimes, but you can’t hurt yourself with preparation. I believe in having a great marriage, not an average one or a good one. Anyway, I have the notes, so I thought I’d put them onto my blog in case anyone is interested in reading the Cliff Notes versions of these books.

I include Martin Seligman’s “Authentic Happiness,” even though it isn’t specifically a book for couples. Another book, “Raising the Emotionally Intelligent Child,” by John Gottman, is under the Disabilities, Autism section of my blog. I am a Gottman disciple. I think that his books on relationships are great. So here we go.

Martin Seligman, “Authentic Happiness”

Authentic happiness comes from using your best strengths in work, love, play, and parenting. Meaningful life adds using these strengths to forward knowledge, power, or goodness

Take particular care with the endings of relationships because that’s in large part how they’re remembered.

Doing kind and fun actions create a lot more satisfaction than doing things that are only fun.

Happy people remember more of the good events than the bad.

Happy people spend the least amount of time alone and most time socializing.

If you do not allow yourself to express an emotion it will squeeze its way out, usually as an undesirable symptom.

People often unravel as they ventilate in traditional talk therapy. Cognitive therapy techniques, however, get people to change their thinking about the present and future. Dwelling on anger produces more anger.

Good things and high accomplishments have surprisingly little power to raise happiness.

Once a person is just barely comfortable, added money adds little or no happiness.

All emotions about the past are driven by thinking and interpretation.

Dwelling on anger produces more anger.

Savoring the awareness of pleasure.

Sharing with others

Memory-building (photos)

Congratulation

Sharpening perceptions

Absorption

Gratifying activities

Challenging and require skill

We concentrate

There are clear goals

We get immediate feedback

We have deep, effortless involvement

There is a sense of control

Sense of self vanishes

Time stops

People often choose pleasure over gratification

6 universal virtues

Wisdom and knowledge

Courage

Love and humility

Justice

Temperance

Spirituality and transcendence

You have to let yourself receive love in addition to giving it.

While real income has risen 16%, happiness has decreased 30%

Flow – positive emotion about the present without thinking about the future or the past.

Gottman’s harbingers of divorce as quoted by Seligman:

Harsh startup in a disagreement

Criticism rather than complaints

Displays of contempt

Hair-trigger defensiveness

Lack of validation (particularly stonewalling)

Negative body language

Positive signs

Partings – before you leave, find out one thing that your spouse will do that day

Reunions – at the end of the day, have a low-stress reunion conversation

Affection – physical intimacy

At least one weekly date

Express admiration and appreciation at least once a day.

When you have a hot button issue, mention it. Use the gavel.

Raising children – Make sure they know what they are being punished for.

The good life consists in deriving happiness by using your signature strengths every day. The meaningful life adds one more component: using these same strengths to forward knowledge, power, or goodness.

John Gottman, “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail”

Do you have affection for each other even during conflicts?

Couples who initially had complaints about each other were among the most stable as the years went on.

Research shows that marital satisfaction is linked to spouses’ physiological responses to one another.

You must have at least five times as many positive as negative moments together.

Validating – letting each other know your emotions are valid. Repeating back what the other said. “So you’re saying….is that right?”

Pick your battles carefully. “What do you suggest?”

You can “agree to disagree.”

Show interest.

Be appreciative.

Be empathetic.

Be accepting.

Joke around.

Four Horsemen

Criticism

Attacking someone’s personality or character. i.e., saying “always” or “never.” However, complaining about a specific event is healthy.

Speak and listen non-defensively. By dwelling on what is wrong, you miss out on what is right. Recall specific happy memories.

Validate each other – “Go ahead, I’m listening,” “I can see why you’d feel that way,” “It makes sense that you’d feel that way,” or even “yeah.” Go far out of your way to validate.

Overlearn these principles. Practice often. Even when you don’t feel like it.

Set a limit of 15 minutes for disagreements. Pick one major issue.

Sex – talk about what is good.

Since politeness vanishes early, make an extra effort to treat your spouse nicely.

Happiest couples accentuate the strengths and the bright side, downplay faults, elevate shortcomings into strengths. If the good things about your relationship are considered the norm while the bad parts are fleeting and situational, that’s good.

Happiest couples are those who understand limitations.

Go out of your way to validate. Especially during hot-button issues – use gavel.

Use “I” as much as possible rather than “you.”

Nothing foretells a marriage’s future as accurately as how a couple retells their past. A negative spin on your past is a very bad sign. Telling how you met. Remembering details are good. It’s best if you glorify your past struggles. You can make an effort by changing the negatives to positives.

Mismatches in marital style aren’t good.

John Gottman, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”

Emotional intelligence is a predictor of a child’s success later in life.

Most happy couples do not do active listening when they’re upset. (different than Hendrix)

There’s a lot of affection and laughter as they hash this out.

The key to a happy marriage is finding someone with whom you mesh.

Happy spouses do not keep tabs on whether a good deed is payback.

No one style of resolving conflict is best – as long as both people have the same style.

4. Body Language – The more flooding, the harder it is to respond to repair.

5. Failed Repair Attempts – The failure of repair attempts is an accurate marker for an unhappy future. You can even be high on the four horsemen and still have a good marriage if there are repair attempts.

Quality of the friendship is key.

6. Bad Memories

Couples who have a negative view of their spouse often rewrite the past.

In a happy marriage, couples tend to look back on their early days fondly. They glorify the struggles they’ve been through.

When you find the past difficult to remember – bad sign.

***

Lack of knowledge about each other is bad. You need to know what the other person likes, dislikes, fears and loves.

Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. They remember the major events in each other’s history, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change.

Know each other’s deepest longings, beliefs, and fears.

Getting to know each other shouldn’t be a chore.

At least once a week just go out and talk.

Talk about your triumphs and strivings, the difficult events you’ve gone through

Fondness and admiration are two of the most important elements in a marriage. They are antidotes for contempt.

How you view your past. If you put a positive spin on your history, that’s good.

Lots of chit chat means you are connecting.

There is deep drama in the little moments. It’s important to turn toward each other every day. Just remember you shouldn’t take your every day interactions for granted.

Asking each other about your day helps relieve stress from other areas that can spill over. Talk about what is on your mind outside your marriage.

You have to let her know that you fully empathize with her problem.

Ask her to point out instances in which you are being controlling.

You don’t have to resolve all your conflicts. You can agree to disagree.

Share with each other the personal dreams of your life.

Make sure your startup is soft and not harsh

Look for signs of flooding

Be more tolerant of each other’s perfections

John Gottman, “The Relationship Cure”

People headed for divorce disregarded their spouse’s bids for connection most of the time.

Happily married people engaged each other as many as 100 times in 10 minutes.

Humor and affection during a conflict is invaluable.

The probability that a person will attempt to re-bid once an initial bid has been rejected is close to zero.

Heart to heart exchanges are great.

Playfulness is great for relationships.

When you look for negativity you find it.

Being familiar with the details of each other’s lives can help you to have happier, more stable relationships.

The first three minutes of a conversation predict the rest.

Say “I” instead of “you.”

Don’t dismiss other people’s emotions.

55% of people rely on facial expressions and other body language; 38% rely on tone of voice and pace of speech; only 7% rely on the spoken word.

70% of marital conflicts never go away. So, how you handle conflicts is huge, and what you disagree on early, you will probably still disagree on late.

Digging into each other’s hidden agendas provides a great opportunity for intimacy.

Talk about your life dreams.

Make list of absolute must haves, then another list of more flexible requirements.

Charlotte Kasl, “If the Buddha Dated”

Never try to control another person.

Don’t put someone on a pedestal, and don’t set them below you.

Confront everything inside that kindles fear or anxiety. Walk right into your fears, sit down, talk to them, until they become our friends. You can’t release what you won’t grasp or feel.

The old brain has no sense of linear time. Today, tomorrow, and yesterday do not exist; everything that was, still is. That’s why feelings sometimes seem alarmingly out of proportion to the events that triggered them.

During intimacy, you aren’t judging each other, or interpreting what your spouse is saying, or being self-absorbed.

Don’t use global words like “always” or “never.”

As romantic love fades, the power struggle begins. Couples begin to

Stir up each other’s repressed behaviors and feelings.

Reinjure each other’s childhood wounds.

Project their own negative traits onto each other.

You have to take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your spouse.

Become more intentional in your interactions.

Issues take a while to come to the surface. So that is why counseling takes a while.

You need to throw in a curve once in a while.

Isolaters unwittingly recreate the struggle of their childhood by marrying fusers, who have an unsatisfied need for intimacy.

You have to understand the reasons behind behaviors to grow.

Complaints about your spouse are often descriptions of parts of yourself.

Most of your spouse’s criticisms of you have some basis in reality.

There is tremendous satisfaction in just being heard.

Call once a day just to chat.

Any suggestion of an obligation or expectation will reduce the exercise to a bargain.

One spouse’s greatest desire is often matched by the other spouse’s greatest resistance.

When you make someone else happy, a part of the unconscious mind interprets the caring behavior as self-directed. Love of the self is achieved through love of the other.

Define what you want, ask, and reciprocate.

Adaptations that serve useful purposes in childhood drain the life from marriage.

The person who unleashes the anger feels equally assaulted, because on a deep level the old brain perceives all action as inner-directed.

The more one attacks, the more one retreats, the more one retreats, the more the other feels abandoned.

In times of stress, you retreat to old patterns.

Instead of fighting, ask for what you want.

What you are doing for your spouse is what you are doing for yourself.

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

People who perceived their spouses to be superior to them felt guilty and insecure. People who perceived their spouses to be inferior to them reported feelings of anger. When people perceived themselves to be equals, their relationships were relatively conflict-free and stable.

I was going to wait until I start my autism blog for this, but this is as good a place as any for me to address something here – and it is about a misconception about what I do for a living.I provide therapeutic services to children and adults with autism in the areas of sports and exercise, social skills, and academics.It’s not that people always misunderstand what I do, but they often have some preconceived notions about it.

The reactions I get are sometimes very positive – some people really appreciate what I do and find it very interesting.For every time that I have received that reaction, though, there have been many times that people have had reactions that fall into one of the categories below.Surprisingly, it’s often women who have these reactions – sometimes on a first date or upon an initial conversation that starts with “What do you do?” Then after I answer, the follow up response is something like:

“Oh, that must be so hard.”They say this with a really pained expression on their face.(Remember those commercials a few years ago – the Bitter Beer Face?)They say it as if to say, “Wow, I would never be able to do that, and I would never want to do that.How unfun and boring.”Their body language gives away the fact that the last thing they would want to do is work with kids on the autism spectrum.I try to explain that it is hard sometimes but it’s also a lot of fun.

Kids with autism are like neurotypical kids except that they have different skills and abilities.They are just more extreme.To put it simply, if you don’t like children with autism, then you don’t like children.And I’m surprised at the number of women in the Washington area who don’t like children.Your job, whether it is being a lawyer, a pharmaceutical sales representative, or a consultant, would be unfun and boring to me.While you’re watching the clock, I’m in the flow and time is flying.So have fun with your spreadsheet.

(I don’t mean to imply that career oriented women aren’t good with children.You don’t have to be a teacher, a pediatric nurse, or a volunteer to be good with kids.And people need to make money, and careers should be important.But if you think that your career is more important than anything else, and you don’t value the idea of having any experience with kids, that’s a little extreme.)

There is also an attitude that people have about children and adults with disabilities that they are to be felt sorry for.While this may be a normal initial reaction, once you get over it, you can’t feel sorry for the kids too much because if you do then you’ll spoil them and let them get away with just about anything.

“Wow…what you do is really great.That must be really…rewarding.”However, they say this with a hushed tone, and look at you as if you are from another planet.“How could someone want to do something like that?” I usually follow this one up with, “Yes, but it’s also a lot of fun.”One time, I actually had someone reply back to me, “No, you mean rewarding, but not fun.”I responded back, “No, I mean fun.”

The tone with which they say, “That must be rewarding,” again, seems to imply, “Wow, that must be so tough.”“Rewarding” happens when you help a charity when you don’t really want to, but you make a sacrifice in order to achieve some good.Like serving food to the homeless.For me, that would be boring and tedious, though certainly honorable.What I’m doing isn’t unselfish – it’s selfish – because what I do is highly enjoyable.

“Oh, you’re a do-gooder.”Usually they just think this instead of say it outright, but recently someone I met said that exact sentence to me, in a condescending tone.She followed it up with, “I work in the hotel industry.I get people drunk for a living.”The implication seemed to be, “Oh, you’re a goody two-shoes.I like to party and have fun.” Now you might say that was just being self-deprecating and was actually putting what I do on a pedestal.But no, in this case it was condescending. I agree that partying is fun.I did it from the time I was in college through my early 30s.Is that not enough?I partied with the best of them and had a lot of fun.But you can only do so much of that.

Playing sports is also fun.Catching a touchdown pass in a coed football game, hitting a backhand winner in tennis, scoring a goal in soccer, or throwing a long pass in ultimate Frisbee are all fun.

Going to a great concert is fun.So is seeing your favorite team win a big game.Traveling to new places is fun.Being at a party when things are rolling is fun.Seeing a great movie is fun.

And teaching kids is also fun.If you can’t appreciate teaching a child to learn to read, converse, do math, play sports for the first time, develop a sense of humor, learn to make friends, and make progress in all these areas, all the while improving behaviors, then I feel sorry for you.If you think that working with the coolest kids in the world isn’t fun, then what kind of a parent will you be?These kids are miracles and miracles are happening, although slowly.

It’s like trying to explain music to someone who doesn’t get it.If you like Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” the Eagles’ “Hotel California,” Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven,” or any number of inspiring songs, and you try to explain that to someone and they don’t get it, then, well, they just don’t get it.So if you don’t like kids, then you don’t like kids.Just admit it.

Of course, many people say these things with the best of intentions and really do admire this type of work, but many women have a high regard for men who work in more traditional roles such as lawyers or salesmen. I’m not looking for admiration – I just don’t want someone to look at what I do as a negative. You don’t have to love my job, but don’t hate it.

My point is that this work is not only rewarding, but it is also fun.In his book, “Authentic Happiness,” psychologist Martin Seligman says that using your strengths to forward knowledge, power, or goodness is great.Doing all of that while you’re having fun is the best of both worlds.So doing kind and fun actions creates a lot more satisfaction than doing things that are only kind, or things that are only fun.

“I know many fine feathered friends.But their friendliness depends on how you do.”

– Cat Stevens

A few years ago, I had a girlfriend who was a major TV network news reporter.We dated for a year, traveled to Australia, New Zealand, and three corners of the U.S. – Maine, Florida, and Arizona, and almost got engaged.She’s probably one of the best looking women on national news.I broke up with her because I didn’t think we were compatible enough.

But the point is that, when we were together, I got a lot more respect from people, probably because of her looks and her status.Getting a huge amount of respect from people when I was with her was somewhat expected, and I understand it – it’s human nature to a certain extent.But the difference between the way some people treated me then and the way they have treated me since then when I’ve been single has been so blatant and over the top. It’s a sad commentary on society that so many people put so much emphasis on looks and status when it comes to how they treat people.Here’s just one example.I had a couple of acquaintances walk right past me on a narrow sidewalk a while ago, pretending not to see me.If I had been with her, there is no doubt they would have stopped to say hi.

I’m basically the same person now that I was back then.In fact, I like to think that I’ve improved in many ways.But without someone like her with me, I get a whole lot less respect.It shouldn’t be that way.But it is.(To her credit, she was very down to earth.)The difference between the way I am viewed overall now by certain people as compared to the way I was viewed then, is absolutely astounding. There are people who are so fake and put so much emphasis on looks and status in how they treat people, it’s unbelievable.It’s a good litmus test though, for finding out who your friends really are. Or aren’t.