7 Things You Should Know Before Loving A Lady Who Drinks Beer

I love beer. You can drink it with any meal, at any time of day. Like snowflakes and fingerprints, no two are exactly alike and there are seemingly unending amounts of variations and flavors. The same can be said for women.

Which is why you should love women who drink beer. Because it's two of the best things in the world coming together. Chocolate and peanut butter, Rachel and Ross, Zach and Kelly, girls and beer — it just seems right. Here are 7 truths about women who love brewskis:

1. She’s one of the guys.

Speaking for myself, I never liked the girl who tried to advertise how much “one of the guys” she was. Uh … hello? The reason I’m trying to get you into my bed is because you aren't a guy. Besides, a girl who tries to emphasize how much she is one of the guys usually isn’t. It’s kinda like that person you know who tries to tell everyone they meet how much money they have or that “smart” person who tries to tell you how genius they are. Stop projecting, broskis and sorostitutes; we all know a Bill Gates or an Einstein when we see one.

A true girl who is one of the guys? Well, she’s not afraid to look like a fool. She laughs a lot, often at herself. She makes reckless decisions, but owns up to the consequences. She burps. She shouts. She tells you to “fuck off” when you deserve it. She likes sports. She likes video games and comic books. She’s a flip-cup/beerpong champion. She’s not afraid to have an imagination. She’s not afraid to dream big and fail often. She doesn’t care what you think of her.

2. She’s probably drinking Blue Moon.

Women, when drinking beer, tend to gravitate toward this one brand. The problem is most women are locked into this one brand when there are much better tasting and carefully-crafted options. Don’t get me wrong, Blue Moon was my beer of choice when I was nineteen but it’s a brave, new world, gals. So next time you’re at the bar, ask the bartender for a Hefeweizen (this is pretty much a German word for an equivalent style beer) or witbier you never tried before. I promise you might like it.

In this case, she’s trying to watch her calories. This woman wants to keep her girlish figure yet not be that boring girl drinking club soda. She’s out at the bar to have fun with everyone and enjoys the backyard barbeque as much as anyone, however, she doesn’t want to end up passed out in an hour. These beers are known to have a lower alcohol content compared to their counterparts and since alcohol is a depressant (i.e. it slows down your heart-rate, metabolism, etc.) these women know that less is more and this beer hoice can be the difference between a long night and a very short one.

4. She’s not high maintenance.

Sometimes the best way to figure out what something is is to figure out what it’s not. Beer drinking women don’t tend to be high-maintenance and are direct in telling you what they want. My favorite woman to serve at the bar is the one who drinks beer. It’s easy for me to pour, easy for you to drink, and I can spend more time talking to you, rather than figuring out what the hell your friend next to you wants when she's telling me about a cocktail she had at some other bar that “tasted like mangos and bananas and was pink, but kinda blue and looked like cotton candy." (Kill me before she orders food, please.) You, my beer-drinking goddess, make my life easier.

5. She’s DTF.

I’ll just leave this little tidbit right here for everyone. According to the dating website OkCupid, the single most accurate indication of whether or not a woman will have sex with a man on a first date is directly correlated to how they answer this question: “Do you like the taste of beer”? In fact, just under seventy percent of women who answer that question “Yes” are ready to throwdown in the bedroom.

6. EXCEPTION: The craft beer for a crafty girl.

Craft beers are trendy right now and have stolen a good deal of the market share away from the big two beer manufacturers (Anheuser Busch and MillerCoors) in the past five years. Hipsters and craft beer have become synonymous with each other and women who drink craft beer know their shit. They drink these beers for the different flavors and they could probably teach you a thing or two if and when you meet one.

7. She isn't fancy.

A girl who drinks beer is not going to waste their time with those sugary, weak “special” shots, often served in a dixie cup or a test tube. (I’m sorry Miss Cocktail Waitress; I thought I was at a bar, not chemistry class.) Besides, the beer/shot combination is almost as American as apple pie, baseball, and college tuition debt. This also means she enjoys getting drunk, but won't lose her shit, either (figuativel, and literally.) In other words: my kind of girl.

So the next time you see a woman drinking beer, seize the moment and talk to her. Or maybe she’ll come over and talk to you. In my experience, the universe is trying to tell you something wonderful and you should probably listen.

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Frank has over ten years of experience bartending for different bars and restaurants, has been falling in love with women for twice as long, and when he's not doing either, he's busy laughing or telling jokes somewhere (probably at a bar.)