Things To Do When You Don’t Have A Computer #1: Get Chicken Pox4 minute read

So you were wondering how my week without a computer went, right? Well, here’s a few ideas:

I enjoyed how I was able to relax. I wasn’t stressing over the constant clamour of the internet.

I wasn’t very productive. I didn’t do much writing. The computer is where I compose most of my short writing, or at least where I edit it.

I didn’t miss the computer’s power of entertainment. I had the radio and a hefty supply of good (and not good) books.

But this is all academic really because I’ve spent most of the last two weeks in bed, with grown up chicken pox.

Farcical.

I might as well make this post useful, so if you’ve got chicken pox, here’s what to expect:

Days -4 to 0

A developing fever and a sore throat. You’ll think you’re getting a cold. Little do you know what the universe has in store for you: two weeks of ugly.

You are now highly contagious, but you aren’t aware of that so you give it to all your mates. They’ll thank you in 10-20 days’ time.

Day 1

Discover funny little knobs behind head. Think that’s odd.

Feel feverish.

Feel sick.

Collapse on floor in a faint.

Wake up sweating, inside washing basket. Wonder how you got there.

Discover the first pustule.

Pustules multiply, popping up before your very eyes.

A strange weight on your chest makes you paranoid that you’ve also developed pneumonia. Keep an eye on that.

You indulge in lots and lots of sleeping.

Day 2

Pustules spread to legs, arms, back, face, and multiply on chest and everywhere.

A few spots are slightly itchy. Not compulsively itchy, just a slight throb, a feeling of bulge that is tempting to check out. Don’t.

Headaches persist through the day.

Hard to sleep at night due to discomfort of the pustules.

Day 3

The weight on the chest, the sore throat and the headaches might have eased a little.

Neck still aches though and you’ve lost your appetite.

Pustules are multiplying and itching at a low level, but just enough to make you constantly aware of them.

You try to have a shower to clean up a little, but can’t really do much actual cleaning because of vast number of pustules on your scalp. Your hair is matted. You consider dreadlocks.

Notice that some have burst and some are starting to scab.

Your face is burning and you think you might have accidentally burst a pustule in your ear. But it could just have been general grossness as you are now the ugliest you’ve been since you came out of your mother covered in blood.

No chance of sleep because your face is covered with exploding volcanoes. The night is the worst time for sleeping. Get some in the morning.

Fever seems to alternate with itching.

Day 4

Sleep in the day. Read. Twiddle thumbs. Listen to radio.

Get the shivers before going to bed.

Have heavy dreams, exhausting, fever and wake up with a headache and the sweats.

On the plus side: the itching is almost gone.

Day 5

Feel ill some of the day.

Appetite definitely back as you eat a six-egg omelette with sauerkraut and ketchup (because that’s all you’ve got left in the cupboard).

Scared to believe that you have no new spots.

Try a bath with bicarbonate of soda – yeah!

Have best night’s sleep since Day 0. Still wake up three times for some sweats, but feel fine. Start enjoying the sweat.

You dare to hope that you’re over the worst.

Day 10

Tired with a headache all morning and afternoon.

The pustules have mostly crusted over and are beginning to fall off, or get rubbed off.

You feel bored and lazy. This lassitude is now your biggest enemy.

You’re not contagious any more, but you still feel disinclined to go out in public in daylight.

Day 13

Worst of the scabs are falling off all over the place. Gross.

Your first day of full-on activity, like a normal person.

You’re still a bit ugly, though.

The worst of the scabs leaves a crater in your cheek.

The face ones seem to develop and fall off faster than the chest ones.

Day 16

Could pass for a slightly uglier version of yourself. People stop screaming when they see your face.

Just a few marks on your face that could be dry skin or normal spots.

Your chest still looks like leprosy. Don’t show anyone.

Still some itching against your clothes.

And still it goes on. Apparently chicken pox marks can take months to fully vanish – and, of course, some of them will scar you for life.

Enjoy!

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David

David Charles is co-writer of BBC radio sitcom Foiled. He also writes for The Bike Project, Thighs of Steel, and the Elevate Festival. He blogs at davidcharles.info.
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