BIRMINGHAM, AL—In an effort to recognize the group’s pivotal role in helping elect Democrat Doug Jones to the Senate, the DNC took out a full-page ad Wednesday in The Birmingham News thanking Alabama’s working-class white voters. “To each and every white, working-class Alabaman who made their voices heard yesterday:…Read more...

BENTON HARBOR, MI—Calling the rugged utensil a necessity for those who bake as hard as they live, KitchenAid on Thursday unveiled its new all-terrain rolling pin. “The DuraDough rolling pin features a larger cylinder diameter lined with specialized treads to take on heavy-duty dough prep,” said company spokesperson…Read more...

HUNTSVILLE, AL—Scanning his mind for any minority groups he could have demonized more forcefully, Alabama Senate candidate and secret Democratic operative Roy Moore admitted Tuesday that he wasn’t sure what else he could have done to destroy the Republican Party’s reputation. “When Nancy [Pelosi] sent me here, I was…Read more...

North Korean state media claimed that Kim Jong-Un has the power to control the country’s weather after a blizzard temporarily stopped during his visit to the summit of Mt. Paektu. What do you think? Read more...

WASHINGTON—In response to the 15 individuals who have come forward alleging sexual misconduct by the president, Donald Trump reportedly dismissed his accusers Tuesday as women. “Anyone can see that these disgraceful and false allegations are clearly coming from total, utter women,” said Trump, adding that those…Read more...

CLEVELAND—Saying the activity was proving highly effective at halting mental deterioration, a new report released Tuesday by the Cleveland Clinic found that a growing number of elderly Americans are improving their cognitive functioning by solving simple murders each day. “We’ve long known that it’s important to keep…Read more...

The election on Nov. 8, 2016, served as a wake-up call to those in my profession. All through the campaign, we illusionists had continued to dazzle people with feats of magic and mystery, assuming that a man who openly mocked so many cherished American values would never become president. But[…]

PHILADELPHIA—Brazenly demonstrating his near-traitorous contempt for his country, unpatriotic man Douglas Harlow on Tuesday reportedly failed to maintain an erection for the duration of the National Anthem. “Sorry, but he doesn’t deserve to call himself an American if he won’t keep his hard-on going for the entire…Read more...

In a recent interview, Pope Francis suggested changing the words to the Lord’s Prayer in Italian and English, saying that the phrase “lead us not into temptation” incorrectly suggests that God tempts humans to do evil. What do you think?Read more...

ALLENTOWN, PA—Expressing his excitement while watching the latest Star Wars: The Last Jedi trailer, local man Tim Abrams told reporters Monday that he couldn’t wait to find out if the Millennium Falcon gets out of that tunnel. “It would be such a bummer if it’s stuck in there for the[…]

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Bursting through the glowing space-time portal backstage just before the first debate of the 2016 presidential election, a frantic time-traveling Hillary Clinton reportedly warned her past self to do everything in the exact same way. “Listen very carefully because we don’t have much time: Make sure you…Read more...

Dictionary.com has named “complicit” as the word of the year, citing a massive spikes in searches for the word after Ivanka Trump used this word in a CBS This Morning interview. What do you think?Read more...

It's the decade that political correctness forgot - because it hadn't been born yet. Nevertheless the 70s were also a gentler time, when casual racism, sexism and homophobia were a part of every day life, and people enjoyed it. To celebrate the forti...

Buckingham Palace, London Buckingham Palace announced today that, right after playing Storm Troopers in the Star Wars movie, the Royal Brothers had so much fun that they're now going to make a side-career of movies. Some of the movies they are intere...

London, England The Royal House of England, including the members of the House of Windsor (Saxe-Coburg-Gotha), Stuart, Plantaganet, Spencer, and others."Am I not royal enough to collect royalties?" asked Queen Elizabeth. "It is tragic that I am n...

It is November, and as usual British tabloids are getting into the festive mood by searching the country for stories of people not celebrating Christmas properly. It is a yearly tradition to whip up readers into a frenzy of loathing, and will warm th...

Along with a disappointingly snow free Christmas morning, death and destruction in the socialist realist documentaries Eastenders and Emmerdale, the Queen's Speech is now as traditional part of the festive season as seeing Darren from the office phot...

British newspaper of repute, The Daily Mail has alerted the world (or anybody on the right wing, who believes this bullshit) that 73rd series of the Great British Bake Off will start the long awaited, and long fore-told yogurt apocalypse.Flauntin...

A renowned UK fish restaurant has topped the AA charts after some splendid reviews claiming the place stinks!The owner, welcomed the fact that a reviewer told TripAdvisor of his experience there, and here it is:"Well, when you walk through th...

Royal Mausoleum Visitors to the Royal Mausoleum began hearing a strange noise and feeling strange vibrations in the vicinity of the grave of Queen Victoria, who ushered in the Victorian Age. The Victorian Age was considered a time of virtue, reticenc...

A North-Lanarkshire, 18-old month toddler, destined to become a famous painter, has caused his mum some grief after deciding to paint her carpet instead of a canvas mum gave him to practice with!The toddler, still in his nappies, showed an aptitu...

For months now, world has been shocked by stories of fake news. People believe president is liar or idiot or Russia is bad country. Now news reports say fake news never existed.UK Government Leader Comrade May explain to press, "There no fake new...

It has long been reported that the numbers of ex-servicemen who attend Remembrance Sunday events are falling. Now it appears that many of them are simply forgetting to turn up. We asked some of them to try to understand why.Geoff De'ath, 81, of M...

A luxury UK prison in Boston, UK (logical), crowned as the 'cushiest' prison in the UK, only accepts meat-eating inmates because the canteen only serves pork from local pigs, and vegetarian or Muslim inmates cannot be allowed to go hungry!The pri...

There was a serious kerfuffle at a shopping centre in Bangor, Wales today, when a reindeer became entangled with a wheelchair and had to be surgically removed from it.The problem began at Santa's Grotto, a temporary shop full of cheap Christmas g...

The world is awash with important breaking news stories that scream so loud they surely cannot be ignored. There's a endless parade of sexual assault claims in Hollywood. Ex-Generals claiming the US could lose a war against the tinpot dictatorship of...

London, England Buckingham Palace announced today that the Queen's famous Corgis will all be Knighted. Also, the Royal Cocker Spaniels and Dorgis will receive MBEs, while the Queen's favorite two Corgis, Monty and Emma, will be made a Baron and a Mar...

"What a terrific week", said Fred Clout, Mayor of the hamlet of Millington in the East Riding of Yorkshire, England."We may be leaving the EU, but they're still a great source of inspiration over there."Following Catalonia's move to break awa...

Mar-A-Lago, FL Trump tweeted today that he is having his staff try to arrange a visit with the Queen. Although previous inquiries have been ignored, Trump is certain she will respond this time due to the important cause of his visit."I wish to co...

A restaurant owner in Wales has won the prestigious Chef of the Year award for 2017. It is a trophy given by the International Food Tasters And Gluttons of Paris, and is highly regarded. The winner Geoff Fork, 46, of Swansea, was surprised at the res...

Bristol, UK: A dead body waiting to be transported to the grave missed its appointment because the vehicle carrying it was CLAMPED!The owner of the hearse was DEAD sure he paid his road tax, but the brain-dead company clamping the thing thought,...

Statistics have shown that "hate attacks" have gone up since Brexit began (sometime in the 1900s we think, not sure it's been going on forever). We have to admit we have taken part in them as well. We shouted "your full of shit you hate filled bitch!...

The Humberside police force have been issued with a new fleet of open-top cars called Dodgems! Originally, the cars were only seen at fairgrounds all over the country.Police on Humberside have been trying out their latest fleet of vehicles at fai...

During a slight altercation between a busy London cab driver, who just happened to be of Caribbean origin and black, and a Polish bicycle rider in the middle of multi-culti London, the cab driver screamed the following to the unfortunate Polish cycli...

Mayfair, London, yesterday: A bunch of moronic thieves attempted to break into a jewelry shop wielding sledge hammers, knives and anything else they could get their hands on.Then, after arriving on scooters, the latest trend in armed robbery in L...

Tragedy occurred in Lower Upper Middle Poppleton on Gastric By The Bypass as a parade to commemorate the 1956 tractor disaster ended in disaster. Back and to the Left news investigates......at the end of this sentence....from here....In 1956 fort...

Always at the forefront of breaking news (or at the very least listening in on other peoples conversations) we spoke to the Queens ex chef to find out what grub she loved!An exquisitely tall gentlemen, easily approaching 9ft 5, his arms the lengt...

Today the winners of the Worst Pun Headlines were announced. The prize is a new one, and will be given out annually by the editors of the Chaffinch St Cock Gazette, a weekly newspaper in Chaffinch St Cock.The winner will receive nothing except th...

Barry Chuckle, (no,not that one) is shocked to learn that he now has the option of doubling the length of his tweets.The sexist fool gets himself into enough trouble with 140 characters, so just imagine what he could do with 280 instead?Mrs C...

Charles Dickens depiction of life in Victorian orphanages, Oliver Twist, has now been turned into a 2017 reality horror show by a bunch of Scrooges who run a daily meal service in a Catholic school in North London!It seems as though little Oliver...

Embattled Prime Minister, Teresa May, has claimed she has "the full support of the cabinet" and the table and dining room chairs we guess.Mrs May, who was sat on what looked like a tub of vipers, said:"The country needs calm leadership and t...

Doberman dogs are usually used as superb guard dogs, or Hitler's favorite animal for chasing "Untermenschen" if trained incorrectly! However, there is one dumb doberman residing in Geordieland, Sunderland, to be precise, that would not qualify to do...