gotta love her shy, sneaky way to kiss him….though for a moment there i wondered whether she would tell him that against all expectations she somehow got pregnant….but i guess thats truly impossible. comic science aside, if they can´t even kiss without a negative reaction for one, i doubt the exchange of other body fluids is possible at all.

Mikael, just because the blood’s toxic doesn’t mean the entire Sarnothi is. On the tomato plant, for example, every part of the tomato plant except the ripe fruit is toxic. Same thing with the potato plant – every part of the potato plant except the potato is toxic.

Regardless of the toxicity of their bodily fluids, Avery has already confirmed that cross-species reproduction isn’t possible. Don’t have the time right now to find and link the relevant page, but back when he first revealed that he was married to a Sarnothi, Selkie asked if his kid was half-human, and he responded ‘No, that’s impossible’.

I do wonder if copulation is possible, both for his marriage and for Selkie’s future romantic prospects, but that is a completely different topic than the possibility of conception.

@ DataWog: i know that avery said so, but seeing as him+carrie are likely the first, perhaps even only mixed couple, i´d say that all knowledge is theoretical and/or based on assumptions – and mother nature has a way to surprise people. to quote a certain movie: Life will find a Way!

as for whether copulation is possible at all, i´d say its a definite yes. granted, love is way more then sex, but i can´t see a grown man marry someone he can only hold hands and cuddle with 😉

@ Peya Luna:: “but i can´t see a grown man marry someone he can only hold hands and cuddle with.”
Paws:: there are women out there who would be worth it, I’ve met ’em. There are men out there, whom for the right woman, would do it, I’ve met ’em.
The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure that we should be as happy as kings.

Sex is possible, but additional considerations need to be made for it. For example, the sarnothi libido is different than a human’s. It’s more mercurial: when it’s down it’s dooooooown, but when it’s up it’s UP.

It’s more than possible. Some people lack the ability to reproduce, or they don’t have working “equipment”, orrrrrrrrr they don’t have sex. Ever. Period. Asexual people- also known as Ace’s -don’t have sex with anyone. It’s not a choice; the very idea is abhorrent or even alien to them, they may have no libido… marriage isn’t about sex. It’s about finding the special someone/those special people that you want to annoy for the rest of your lives together.

From what I’ve read, there’s a spectrum of asexual, from sex-repulsed to “…I have no real libido, but hey, I will go along with my partner on this, and it’s nice.” (And then grey-ace, which sometimes feels attraction…) There’s also a-romantics, who, if allosexual, are the type who like hookups — and if asexual, just eye all the allosexuals and go, “…you people are weird.” 😉

So while one cross-section of ace (sex-repulsed, allo-romantic) could totally be a template for this situation (though it’s kind of problematic to link ace humans to even sympathetic aliens, because aces are not aliens), it’s missing out on a lot of other kinds of ace.

(And it’s really not necessary to assume that the Averys have a sexless marriage; mis-matched sex-drives in allosexual relationships (as well as non-sex-repulsed ace+allo) can result in the currently uninterested partner being happy enough to help the horny one get relief, and cuddle afterwards, for instance. Dangerous bodily fluids just mean lots of latex being involved. *holds halo over head* )

Thank you for clarifying this. Aces are misrepresented enough as it is (which is just compounded when you think about how few established aces exist in popular media… Jughead and Sheldon are the only two I know).

I don’t follow the series (although I do see occasional episodes at the Laundromat), but I did understand that at some point he started having sex.

But I should note that just because he is having sex doesn’t mean he’s necessarily non-asexual. Asexuals can have and enjoy sex; while some of them are repulsed by the idea, others are merely neutral to it, or don’t have to deal with sexual attraction as a significant part of their day-to-day lives.

Regarding the sex-repulsed, I figure it’s much the same way that some autistics find the act of talking (smacking parts of your mouth against other parts and forcing sound to come out) to be disgusting and off-putting. Most humans aren’t bothered by this process, it’s as natural as learning to repeatedly fall forward and catch yourself with the other foot — but some people are deeply disturbed by the idea, or the sensation.

I’m less convinced of the idea that people don’t have a choice over their own sexuality. We are human beings; reprogramming our brains is something we are capable of doing. I mean, heck, there’s a gal who achieved stereoscopic vision in her 30’s — after growing up ignoring the input of one eye, and then learning exercises to force her brain to figure out how to reconcile the input of both eyes at the same time.

It may be difficult, and I assume that most people don’t care to do so and have no reason to try. But I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s *impossible*.

There’s two parts to it, as I see it: Can you become *more* attracted to a thing, and can you become *less* attracted to a thing?

It’s clearly possible to change sexual turn-ons due to trauma: a victim of rape might become terrified of sex, and a victim of child abuse can wind up with harmful fetishes. But let’s consider less extreme changes.

If you start off highly attracted to something, I don’t think it’s possible to just will yourself to be less attracted to it (“oh look, I’m not gay anymore”) — not without some serious mental gymnastics. If it were easy, we wouldn’t have so many anecdotes about those who tried to change and failed.

But adding something? Becoming sexually attracted to something you weren’t attracted to before? That happens all the time! “Y’know, when I first heard about oviposition, it was a total turn-off… but now it’s 70% of what I read.” Or “I never thought I’d be capable of getting it up for a transwoman, but now I’m happily married to one.”

I’m not sure how broadly these changes might occur (can you become attracted to a category as broad as “women” when you weren’t before?). But they clearly happen. And that’s not even counting Situational Sexuality (“man, I’m horny, but there aren’t any women around… guess you’ll do”).

So that’s why I have to question the “it’s not a choice” mantra. I’m not saying that people choose their sexuality, or that it’s possible to change 100% of it — but let’s give some credit to the human being’s ability to take a hand in their own psychology.

Before I start, I’d like to say that I’m not posting myself as being typical. Just an example of how it’s possible. And forcing it would definitely not work.

I used to find human bodies disgusting. Still do, really. But I still had romantic crushes as a teen, and in college developed a sexual crush. I got lucky. He was very understanding of me taking lots of time to get past the “ewwww” factor to be able to do anything. (My attempts to do so caused him to need to finish himself off for like, three months, and we were meeting as close to daily as we could x.x).

12 years later, I have a different partner, and I still relapse at times. It’s not perfect, and occasionally I have to stop in the middle of stuff to avoid throwing up. Not just physical gag reflex. Other times, I glory in the messiness of it all.

So what I’m saying is, it’s possible. It’s not easy, and not permanent. But it is possible to overcome a deep aversion. It takes a lot of patience from everyone involved, and a deep desire by the person who is trying to overcome it. Every person is different. Some won’t be able to do it. Others will, but under completely different circumstances than what I did. And it’s totally okay for someone to not want to go through it.

If you are a person who experiences deep aversion to sexual things, and you don’t want to overcome that, there is nothing wrong with you. If you are a person who experiences deep aversion to sexual things, and you do want to overcome that, it takes the right partner, and lots of patience, but it can be done. Also, you’ll have spurts of relapse, so don’t beat yourself up when they happen.

If you know someone who has deep aversion to it, it is their choice whether they want to try to get over it or not. It’s impossible to force this out of someone, and trying to force it is likely to result in phobias being piled on top the aversion. If they are willing to try it with you, have patience. It took me three months, but I’ve been through therapy since I was five, so I know a lot more than most do about how to push my brain around. It might take a year or two. Make sure you’re okay with that.

Yes, absolutely, it’s the individual’s choice whether to attempt it or not, and whether or not to keep trying when it gets difficult.

The anti-ace mindset strikes me as utterly bizarre. Christians have zero excuse for it (the Bible doesn’t condemn aces, it *lauds* them), and when members of the LGBTQ community doesn’t accept aces, they’re being pretty hypocritical. It doesn’t even make sense from an evolutionary standpoint: This person is not a threat to your dating pool!

What is so bizarre about an ace that some people take it as a personal affront?

Anyway.

Yeah, I’d agree that for those who want to change, the change ought to be motivated by positives (“I would like to find new ways to bring pleasure to my partner” or “I would like to have more control over this aspect of myself”) rather than negatives (“I hate being this weird” or “my partner can’t love me unless I change”). And done with patience and love.

As one fanfic I enjoy puts it, “You need to be able to enjoy things that are meant to feel good.” Although I don’t think it’s quite that cut-and-dry. But it’s possible to get there, and to get past certain limitations that might seem insurmountable.

And if it doesn’t work at all, well, it shouldn’t be that big a deal. Sometimes there are things about an individual that they can’t change, and sometimes there are things that can only be changed through difficult and/or dangerous processes (e.g. major plastic surgery), so sometimes you just accept the way you are and pour your energy into other parts of your life. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being different.

Yes, yes. I agree! I have seen lots of couples for whom sex was just not available either through birth, accident, or choice. And I liked your quote, although I think Lewis said it best; “and they ended up fighting so often that when they were older they got married, so as to go on fighting more conveniently.

Asexual, nonsexual, bla bla bla. I get that. But I don’t see the point in comitting yourself to marriage you are sexually compatible with.

Look, I live with my best friend, I love him. I can admit that. But I’m not sexually compatible with him and there’s no reason why I’d want to commit to a marriage when we are just friends.

And that’s what people are who don’t have any sort of sexual contact, friends. That’s the biggest decider. You can sit here and argue with me until you are blue in the face, I won’t agree to change my opinion.

Nobody’s going to try to argue you into feeling differently about the kind of marriage you’d want. That’s up to you, and your feelings are yours.

But other people are not you. This is very hard to remember, but it is also very important to remember. Other people are not you. Your inability to see the point of something doesn’t mean that there is no point.

It’s okay to ask questions, and try to understand. That part’s all right. Just, recognize that people’s mileage does vary. Don’t try to suggest that because you wouldn’t want something, nobody should want it.

given that genetically Sarnothi are more closely related to fish and amphibians, than humans, it would of course be impossible for a half breed to be born. though given what Dave has said it’s probably safe to say that they don’t practice external fertilization. and that Sarnothi probably have sexual organs that are similar enough to humans, that they can be intimate with each other.

Waffle fruit, so many questions to be asked.
Why was it named waffle fruit ?
– do they look like waffles ?
– do they look like you could use them to make waffle-patterns in dough ?
– do they taste like waffles ?
But waffles are just dough, most of the taste comes from the topping.
does the fruit taste like waffles, and …
– maple syrup ?
– sugar syrup ?
– vanilla ice-cream ?
– whipped cream and berries ?
but what kind of berries ? there are so many different kinds of berries.

You have been eating poor quality waffles if all you think they taste like is their toppings. A good waffle is a delicately sweet crunchy texture akin to french toast except all over instead of just at the edges.

The dynamic is different with a stepdad, especially when the father has died/removed from the family unintentionally (not divorce) It might still bug Benny that his mom is cuddling up to another guy, even though he seems to respect Avery somewhat.

It does if you consider how hard it is to learn a second language. It makes sense that Benny doesn’t keep the pluralses, because he’s been taught the language (unlike Selkie), AND spends a lot of time around other people who speak it (at school). If she’s so shy and introverted that she rarely leaves the house, the only people she would interact with are her husband and son. Unlike Pohl & family, who frequently interact with the general public, and most likely also had help learning before/during their integration.

Pohl was actually explaining that the speech patterns would require work on her part to fix them– it wasn’t so much that they would go away (when Pohl was starting out being a doctor he had the speech pattern– hence the “removed kidneys” confusion) but could be unlearned.