I like it, it's almost 'creepy' in a sense. I think the phrase "I'm not afraid" is repeated too often, I love the last verse especially the repetition of "I'll never know" well doneplease crit mine, it's called "I Don't Need You" thanks alot!

I'm not afraid to spend my cashOn fancy candy that costs too muchI'm afraid that you'll hate the tasteAnd just spit the sh1t all up

The flow is definitely forced here. I would count syllables if I were you. You got your idea across pretty well, but I just don't like the way you did it. The image that stays in my head is not one worth contemplating. Also, the 2 to 4 rhyme is not very good at all.

I'm not afraid to make a heartAnd write how much you mean to meI'm afraid you'll tear it up'Cause no one likes bad poetry

I like this one better. I would get rid of the abbreviation "cause", but other than that, not bad at all. The self-deprecation here saves this piece from being too precious.

I'm not afraid to say I love youBut you won't hear a word I sayI'm afraid I've held my breath so longThat I've got no more to waste

Back to the problems of stanza one. The flow needs fixing. This can be done pretty easily, as well as fixing the bad rhyme. I do like the last two lines, I would keep them and change the first two.

But what I fear the most Is that I'll never knowI'll never knowI'll never knowJust what it feels likeTo finally be completeAnd be called your valentine

Conceptually, not a bad ending. I liked how the repetition in the first three stanzas is resolved by this one, but I didn't like how it was implemented. The repeating phrase definitely feels unnecessary, and the last line is jarring because it doesn't rhyme.

Overall, not too bad. You didn't say much original, but none of it was particularly bad. Try to add more imagery for the reader to grab onto. Also, take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm tired and also not the most experienced critic, others might disagree with me.C4C? "Broken Hippie" in sig

I'm not afraid to spend my cashOn fancy candy that costs too muchI'm afraid that you'll hate the tasteAnd just spit the sh1t all up

As already said above, the flow of this stanza isn't great. The first 3 lines are fine, it's just the last line feels very out of place and doesn't fit the flow. I'm never a big fan of swearing in work like this but 'spit the sh1t' does actually sound nice, still though, I would scrap this line and rethink it.

I'm not afraid to make a heartAnd write how much you mean to meI'm afraid you'll tear it up'Cause no one likes bad poetry

Good verse. I think the flow works well and I like the content. Again agree with the above post that 'cause' isn't great, but can easily be substituted with 'as' or something along those lines. not too sure about making a heart, its original but not entirely sure it makes a lot of sense. however, giving you heart is far too cliche so think what you've done works well.

I'm not afraid to say I love youBut you won't hear a word I sayI'm afraid I've held my breath so longThat I've got no more to waste

I'm not copying Hesh's crit but I almost totally agree again. The first 2 lines aren't very original and feel like they've been used many times before. However the last two lines I think are probably the best in the whole piece.

But what I fear the most Is that I'll never knowI'll never knowI'll never knowJust what it feels likeTo finally be completeAnd be called your valentine

Nothing I can say about this. I really like it. And as for the last line not really fitting with the rest of the stanza, I don't mind this. I feel it gives it a strong ending. Maybe splitting it from the last stanza so it stands alone would make it have an even stronger impact and would resolve it not really flowing with the rest. And maybe you should lose one of the 'I'll never know' lines.

But yeah, like it a lot. Look forward to seeing a revised version! If you do have time to crit something of mine, any of the 2 in the sig will be fine.

Lacking what I would call your usual spark, this wa only purdy for me, nothing more, nothing less. Not quite the edginess or piece of mind you usually spread about.

But good to see the post, Broseph. But I'll be anticipating something more clinical. This failed to engage me quite as much as you usually do. See, you've set a pretty high standard in my eyes, lol. Can you cope with the pressure?