Goal Update

To me, I'd say I've pretty much remained the same this week. I'll do the averages tomorrow, since I've still got tonight's weight and calories to take into account. Because of this, I'll probably post the goal updates on the Monday from now on.

- Fuck drinking a gallon a day. Since first cutting ~2 years ago, I've always drank a lot of water, however I've never had problems awaking in the night like I have now. This has had something of a domino effect: Waking up in night for piss -> fucking up sleeping pattern and not properly getting back into a deep sleep -> awake for work feeling groggy and tired throughout entire day -> workouts not as explosive and I get brain fog -> lose sight of goal and binged on Friday.

- I really want to get to a point where I can start bulking. I've only ever bulked once, and that was a bit hit-and-miss. I'm in a life situation where it's pretty optimal to bulk, and I can do it for 3 months and still have time to cut some fat for the beginning of Uni. Thus, I will cut for a few more weeks, review my physique, then decide if I want to continue cutting or start a lean bulk.

I've started doing the same, it seems like a smart idea. If you are tracking your change over a week then if you write your report on the Sunday, your potentially leaving out 1/7th of the week, I don't actually know how much that would affect things but psychologically it feels pretty good to wrap the week up neatly on a Monday morning.

I can't picture consuming that much water although I guess breaking it down helps, still a ton. Seems like although it's affected other stuff negatively you already have a solid solution in mind.

As for the rest better to stay at the same weight rather than go backwards Did you identify what was causing you to skip your measurements mid week? I've let my tracking slip totally, and that's fucked a load of stuff up. Going to try your earlier suggestion of MyFitnessPal this week.

Did you identify what was causing you to skip your measurements mid week?

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Thursday evening was BJJ and I went straight to bed afterwards; didn't even think about weighing myself. Same with last night. I missed Friday morning because I drank my water and got dressed before weighing myself, so the weight would've been totally inaccurate.

I'm holding myself accountable for eating and drinking according to my macros. I'm fucking off to see some of people I met on my travels at Christmas and am responsible for being disciplined enough to not drink excessively, nor eat out of proportion.

I can have a good time without having to get drunk, and my goal is to not be peer-pressured into getting fucked up, while having a good time.

I don't want to focus one "GAME GAME GAME" or else, as it did when I was away, it will take up too much headspace and I'll end up getting anxious and not doing anything. My aim, instead, is to simply have fun. If there's a girl whom I find attractive, the goal will be to simply say hello. Baby steps.

Not sure why, but I'm feeling more stressed than I have in a long time.

I seem to be disciplined in the week, then fuck up at weekends.
Today I spent a few hours looking into GTD and created some lists on Wunderlist to help organize my life. I seem to not know where I'm heading at the moment.

So much headspace is taken up by girls and my lack of comfortability/confidence in regards to expressing my sexuality. It's ridiculous: I'm in a very poor place to practice game etc., yet I literally think about it for hours each day. I feel like I must be able to cold approach and have decent game by the time I get to Uni. I've put some ridiculous time constraint on myself. I beat myself up this weekend because I didn't go to the local run-down club solo. It's like it's the most important thing in my life, even though it makes no sense to be because I'm in no good position to practise game and meet girls.

This, of course, is disrupting other areas of my life. I lose focus at work easily and find myself browsing Reddit and eBay for the sake of it, and have had to impose rules on myself to stop this from turning into a habit. I binged again today and watched porn for the first time in months, literally for the sake of doing so. I'm unsure if I even want to keep cutting.

I'm practising guitar daily, eating very well 5-6 days of the week, going to the gym 4 times, etc., yet I don't feel much joy in my day-to-day life. It's as if I feel the only thing that will make me feel like I've achieved something would be if I met a bird and fucked her. That's absolutely ridiculous, but that's how fucked my mindset currently is. I'm also going to stop reading so much TRP, as I think the amount it's focused toward women is what's clouding my headspace so much each day.

This post really is just a cry for help since I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels at the moment. There's progress at the gym, with my guitar skills, with my ability to talk to people whom I don't know, yet I don't feel like I'm getting absolutely anywhere.

I think work frustrates me because I don't have many opportunities to practise self-dev. I'm staring at a screen all day and am surrounded by introverts. I think that's why I enjoyed working in retail: I was constantly talking to people and could employ techniques found in The Charisma Myth and HTWFAIP. I guess that's another reason why I feel like I'm stuck in the mud.