Tuesday, August 23, 2011

There have been times, after I have posted something here, that I look back on what I wrote, and reflect to myself , “I just shared a little TOO much.”

This is probably gonna be one of those times.

If you’ve been around these parts for a while, then you know that I have been prone to having some pretty messed up dreams from time to time.

Well, Ladies and Gents, I do believe we have ourselves a Winnah!!!

Let me recount for you my dream from last night…….

In my dream, I was petering around my house, when I realized that I was quite hungry.

Actually, “hungry” doesn’t really do justice to the state I was in. I was RAVENOUS!

So, my sexy dream self decided to go into the kitchen to see what kind of left-overs we had in the fridge.

No sooner did I open the fridge, when I started tearing open every container I could find to see what there was to eat.

The problem was, no matter how many Tupperware containers I opened, I could find NOTHING to eat. One container had spoiled Chinese food, the next was empty with just crumbs inside, the next one had some food that I can’t stand, like Eggplant, in it……

On and on and on….

Now, at this point, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that this so far is the lamest and most BORING dream that was ever dreamt in all of Dreamland.

Well, hold on to your hats…..

Because, just when I was about to give up my search and go hungry, I found one last Tupperware container in the back of the fridge.

So, I pulled it out, set it down on the counter, and when I peeled back the lid, I discovered that it was full of………

of……..

Well, of…….

Penises.

Yeah, that’s right. I said it. The container was filled to the brim with dozens of penises.

And whoever had put them in there did so very lovingly, because they weren’t just thrown in there all hap hazardly. Lord knows I wouldn’t have taken the time to place them in there all nice and organized, but THAT’S just how they were placed, all neatly splayed on top of each other.

They were all even facing the same direction!

Clearly, SOMEONE really cares about the contents of their Tupperware.

Anyway, although I’m FAIRLY certain that, in real life, if I came home to find a box of severed penises in my refrigerator, it would probably put me in some level of distress, my Dream Me seemed to be just fine with it.

MORE than fine with it, actually.

You see, I was still hungry.

So, Dream Me started trying to decide how I was going to cook them up.

Should I bake them? Bread them? Or maybe just throw em on the Barbeque basted with a little Teriyaki?

A Penis shish-kabob, perhaps?

Anyway, while Dream Me was trying to decide just what Emeril Lagasse might do in this situation, my alarm went off and I woke up.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so fucking glad to have to get up to work in the morning.

Ok then. This is the part where I’d normally ask you to go easy on me, but who am I kidding?