Welcome to my ramblings!

Little Piglet turned two…

On the 28th April she blew out two candles. I still can’t believe she is two and am somewhat on denial.

Somehow we’ve progressed from me worrying about her not drinking enough milk to where she’s going to be going to school. Yes. School.

In our part of rural France we don’t have any International schools or Montessori schools and I’m somewhat dubious about the French eduction system and their uncanny ability to break a childs spirit, churning out thousands of carbon copy mini adults all aspiring to be French civil servants.

When I watch my daughters creativity, her talent as an actrice and her ability to get her own way, I see a talented individual where others may see an unruly child.

Maybe I’m looking through rose tinted glasses or maybe not but either way I had fobbed off the school question for sometime as there was no way that she could go if she wasnt potty trained. But here’s the thing: she trained herself one week before her first birthday and is now clean all day long. So the school question is back on and I’ve learned that you need to enroll really early to get a good one which I’m way behind on.

I’m not bothered about her being in the besf school, I’m more bothered about her being allowed to grow and develop naturally but now I’m beginning to get stressed.

They say as a parent you never stop worrying and boy is that true.

How did you cope with the school situation and at what age did your little one (s) start?

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17 Responses

I’ve heard really good things about French maternelles from friends who have kids in the system. It’s later on that it becomes all about marks and academic rigour. So maybe you can put off worrying for a couple of years yet!

I’ve posted on here before, not sure if that’ll register! I’m too unwell today to log on to my computer!

I have 3 children: daughter, 13, in France since she was 9, now in Collège (catholic- whether that’s thought of as better than public or not depends upon the region.). She started at Ecole primaire in CE2. Her self-discipline improved greatly and her marks were soon v good despite speaking no French on arrival. Her artistic flair remains, but she is more conservative. In her case, this isn’t such a bad thing- but I keep reminding her that life in the UK is less rigid and that she should NOT let herself be bullied into absolute conformity, not by the teachers, the other students, nor the system. I think we agree that she’ll stay here til bac then go back either before or after Uni, depending upon places available, etc.

I also have a daughter of 3 and a son of 2, born in France. The daughter was really too unruly at home and school was the best place for her! She went at 2 and a half, and lives it. After all, at this age it’s not real school!!! She is more polite, but is a bossy little madam.

In an ideal world I’d want my children to have a freer existence but I’m married to a very strict and domineering Frenchman and none if us have much choice on anything, so might as well make the best of the “francotron” system. Here are the benefits, to me:

1 – Children are more polite (but critical of others- I’ll reduce this though by telling them not to hound others into submission unless they are perfect themselves!)

2- can’t deny they learn the 3 “r”s more thoroughly than in the UK

3- they are forced to be disciplined, which has many benefits

4- if they can stomach it til Bac they can access cheap and good universities (if they pass the concours)- then choose which country to live in. I think we all know how difficult it is to work in France without these.

Having a British mother, I vow that my children won’t turn into bigoted, judgmental automatrons. I hope that they will be able to imbue their friends with some of our open-minded generosity of spirit, and dare to add some genuine opinions to the debate, instead of trotting out the party line. I fear that this last one may fail, as social sanctions are severe and risk being life-changing here!

Unfortunately what you have written about the education system describes my worst fears of the French education system although my personal experience hasn’t been quite as bad (I have been to French university and have a French masters degree) but I certainly noticed that the system wasn’t very open. I also attended a French lycée for about 1 week before I walked out and preferring to continue my A Levels by correspondence. That said, I was brought up in Britain and therefore am very British despite landing here at a young age.

I find your comments regarding your 3 year old daughter re-assuring as it sounds as if you are describing my daughter. However, I cannot stand the French way of talking about people and stabbing them in the back, the snide comments and remarks. I really hope that this common French trait doesn’t stem from the education system otherwise I will be home ed all the way!

ut I’m married to a very strict and domineering Frenchman and none if us have much choice on anything, so might as well make the best of the “francotron” system.

Wow! Thankfully I don’t know many Frenchmen like you describe and my husband certainly doesn’t fall into this category, I don’t think this has anything to do with the education system and I really hope it doesn’t otherwise we are all doomed (in my opinion). However much I loved my husband I don’t think I could stay with someone that doesn’t let me have any choice. I would consider it as a form of emotional violence, are you sure you’re okay with it or maybe it’s not as bad as I’m thinking?

Hi Piglet, my two both went to the local creche, local maternelle, local primary, local and private college and now my eldest is in the local lycée.

As we live in a nice area, the kids in the local schools are nice enough and while not perfect, finding an alternative would be a huge stress, would make our lives difficult (travelling in and out of Montpellier) and with no guarantee of better results.

As long as you keep an eye on things, and give your daughter the Brit perspective, make sure she does creative things outside school, you should be okay. Maternelle is a good system, both my boys loved it.

Another “yes” for Maternelle then! I hear what you’re saying regarding the practicalities and I think that is something that we are going to come up against also (having moved away from the city). I have no idea what the kids in the schools here are like, there seem to be quite a lot of small privately run schools and a handful of state schools so time will tell I guess.

Wow .. tan7nite, reading your reply , I told my husband that this sounded like you were referring to the US.
“bigoted , judgemental, automatrons” … sadly, I have noticed this quite a bit since we returned to the US from living out of the country.
No one, it seems, cares that they have the freedom to think as individuals .. I am sad to hear that the UK is similar.
I was one of those mothers who never wanted my children to go to school. Well, not in the early days, I wanted them home with me just a little longer.
So going to kindergarden or pre-school was no treat to me.
I wanted those soft little, open minds to be gently subjected to thoughts and opinions and ideas of others .. not bombarded ..
I think I am glad mine grew up as well as they did and have such minds of their own .. even if at times, they do not think the way I do. Even then, I know they grew up with the power to be individuals in their thinking.
Good luck Piglet .. little piglet will be just fine .. your concern shows you will do the right things for her in all ways🙂
I hope your health is good and all those difficulties after she was born are over.
C

Candice, you have moved back to the US? Why? I will be over to your blog for some news!!

I know what you mean about not wishing them to go off to pre-school. I seriously thought about home ed for a little while but the isolation would be too much both for me and for her.

Unfortunately tan7nite was speaking about France (I think) as she is in France😦 It paints a poor picture I know but thankfully isn’t representative of all of France. Her points re eduction though are a part of my worry but more from a creative perspective.

I am a mother of three and a high school teacher, my advice is to follow your intuition. I constantly obsess over the choices I have made at different times, it is so hard trying to do everything perfectly (against whose definition of perfect anyway – lol). Remember that we make the best choices we can at any given time. One of the things I have noticed with my children is that they are all very different in their needs and coping abilities. Trust that you will know what those are and how far to push with your own I also believe that modelling from home is far greater (often – in terms of being open minded for example) than what they learn at school, you are lucky at this age that you are able to balance out any ideas from outside of home with your own, and foster those ideals that you value. You also have the ability to give value to those attributes that others may not (eg creativity), and at the same time show your daughter how to conform in a manner that will help her get along in the world she lives, while being true to herself (I am hoping that makes sense). Good luck.

Has it really been two years? She’s growing up isn’t she. Well, my advise is to relax. Go swinging and read a few books to her. You’ll figure out what works best for you and it will be the perfect solution for your family. I remember the stress of feeling like I had to get everything just right. Now I wish I had just worried a little less.

yep! two years and 2 weeks now🙂 I realised today when she was talking to me (in her language of course) that it is no longer my little baby that is stood there talking to me but a little girl with her own mind, own personality and own language.
I had become very relaxed about a lot of things until she turned two and then WHAM all that worry came back to hit me! Should I be doing this? should I be doing that? why isn’t she talking? Arggghhh!

I think the French schooling system is the best in the world. I wouldn’t worry that much about having her spirit broken, it won’t happen, it is school, not prison!🙂

My son went to Catholic school in Bucharest for the first 4 years as well as for the entire kindergarten and I have to say it was the best possible and I am very happy with our decision. And it was a French order that managed both kindergarten and primary school and we were very happy with it. By the age of 10 he’d learned perfectly well how to behave in society, how to speak to people and how to act in a group, no matter how large or strange. I did not have to teach him anything, I didn’t have to tell him once that something is not apropriate. And they were not at all making them unhappy, they were just firm and gentle and persistent and they did a terrific job. He had the bacalaureate this years, passed with flying colours and is now a Law student. Do not imagine his spirit is broken, he is a rocker, he plays electric guitars, love cars and bikes, he is just a normal young men, but he is also very controlled with everything he is doing in society. When he was a little boy I was very worried because I knew he was dyslexic and school requirements were sometimes difficult for him, especially the writing/reading things but you know what, he followed a normal school, no special classes, no special curricula, nu special treatment and he was just fine! Those very first 6 years with the French nuns did the trick to him and did it for good. I wish he could have stayed in that school until bac but we moved places and we could not find a similar school where we live now. My conclusion (after working in training for over 15 years with adults and teenagers, and after my own son’s educational experience) is that very liberal education very often results into adults who cannot cope with anything difficult and demanding in life.

Your son sounds like a lovely young man Rosabell and very lucky that he was given the support he needed in those early years at school as you say. It sounds as if his teachers were very caring in their role. It is too often that we hear of children with dyslexia being left behind or it not being picked up and then they are at a disadvantage for the rest of their life; it must be so frustrating for the child and the parents.

I would like my daughter to have the same education as I did, at least for enfant and primary school. I felt safe at school, inspired to work and create, free to imagine. It wasn’t liberal but it wasn’t military and we all learned how to manage in society and respect others. I personally don’t think that young French people have any respect these days and I am sure the same could be said for young people over the world.

But the idea of churning out a French fonctionnaire (sorry to any fonctionnaires who may be reading this) chills me to the spine and is not what I am about. This is obviously a huge generalism and of course is not the case for all children in all French schools (thank goodness) but it does worry me.

I am an entrepreneur and have been since I was about 13 (my Mum may say younger LOL) and in my job I get to meet (virtually) lots of people all over the world and rarely in France are they entrepreneurs. This really needs a whole new blog post but to cut a long story short it would seem as if the French are scared of achieving and following their dreams and I must wonder where this stems from. Discussions have suggested school although of course not everyone agrees with it and I have yet to experience the school system (although I did spend a week in a French classroom age 16 but then walked out).

Sorry for the mumbling, it is early, I didn’t sleep much and have a cold! xx