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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

De ce I ve R

Here it comes.

Here I see.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept deception within me as me.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to watch sex video and deceive me - instead of realising that not me moving me as self as expression as who I am as all as one as equal - but of separation as separation I feared and then manifested the deception and trough manifesting still hoping that within and as the manifestation I can realise that is deception - instead of just simply stop.I forgive myself to allow me to hope, to not taking self-responsiblity. And still accepting the preprogrammed personality behaviour: flowing within and as the system and defining it as expression - but it is not. And in some moments I was like hmm cool but I let trust me into the thought accidently(noo) that the rabbit is fearful and instead of supressing it in the hole - let it run and run and run - instead of just stop and see that everything is already here. And no possible to run away from the hunter, to run after the carrot - I am as the totality is here.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define desire as to running me after me in the deception to hopefully being able to fulfill me.Full fill - fall filmI forgive myself that I wanted to seek or hunt women to find a girl - to have an agreement - simply justifying the burning desire - to simply manifesting the supressed demonic nature to rage as the nature of consciousness as me but trough the refractional mind consciousness system - being fell aparted - and even enjoying that the parts are running after each other - instead of realising that I AM ALL and I am here to UNIFY all as me as one as equal - to STOP moving theese and be the moment all ways.I forgive myself that I let me deceive me to comphound emotional systems what will force me to charge out for instance as sexuality as orgasm.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define joy as a definition - separated from me - and in the definition as separation - projecting it trough other definitions and trough desire letting me moving and trough this manifesting and controling and directing me where I am apparently a slave.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to being excited when I stop for a moment and I realise that I am silent. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define realisation as defining - as definition as definication. I forgive myself that I have become addicted. I forgive myself that I have become addicted to the 3D picture world - I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me trough the picture presentation of my body what is of consciousness what is of definition what is of limitation what is of separation.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire sex - and let me controlling.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy sex-porn- trough simply definiing it as exciting - trough definiing it as arousing - trough defining it as interesting - I delete - I do not accept to move me according trough the accepted and allowed system programming - what I already expreienced, realised, knew - and I let me fall and fall and fall - instead of seeing that I am the manifested falling. I am separated from fall - that's why I am manifesting - to see that is not actually real. LOL.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not real. I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realise that I am not real. I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to understand how I am not real and why.I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to actually live.I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to see that I am playing around and still letting me driven trough the events instead of me as self as one as equal direct as here and stop abusement stop dishonesty and stop deception in all ways as me as one as equal as all - simply allowing me to be aware of the breath and not participating in thoughts.I forgive myself that I actually believed that I am special - because of the obtained, obsessed knowledge - and trough I definied it as me as who I am - it is useless, simply not allow me to experience the pure nature of me as moment as breath.I let go the desire for women - I let go the desire for music instruments, I let go the desire of sorting out my loan, I let go the desire of being accepted - being appreticiated, being raised - being someone who has right.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to supress thoughts - and by this just simply swallowing, swallowing, and after a point move and express and explode and then when I see that for a moment systems went by - returning back to the program - because as a storm I precisely tuned me to extravagantly being able to moving extensively and in the same way just sinking and being this and trough it's polarity being only this one dimensional mind system as consciousness and defining it as who I am - obviously not - I let go - I let go of this.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire for making cool videos - simply letting go the imaginations - simply letting go the desire to learn - instead of being here and express me as who I am as life as breath.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to supress life.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire power, to desire money, to desire women and to desire me.I forgive myself that I accepted desire as separation within me as me.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear of being embarrassed - trough fear of loss trough fear of change - I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to fear of loss. I let go - I facing fear and I facing myself as facing my definition of fear trough seeing that is of definition - of memory - of the mind.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define orgasm as emotional chargeout as release as liberating - trough first I definied it as tiring and after simply fall to the other part of the polarity - definied it as cleansing - instead of realising that I used mind pictures to getting aroused - to getting excited to getting controlled trough my definition of desire, and enjoy.I forgive myself that even now here wanting to release thoughtbased emotional chargeup constantly as orgasm - as many years ago I desired to have constant orgasm - and I havent allowed myself to realise that I liked orgasm because of the electric chargeout - because of for a moment loosing all self system but after instantly building up again and like that being dependant on sex or self-supression or self-seclusion trough boosting and upgrading contionusly the mind consciousness system trough psychedelic drugs and knowledge and spirituality.I forgive myself that I hated myself trough I definied me as my own limit - and fearing letting go and in that fear of letting go - becoming addicted to not allowing letting go all self-definition and manifesting and comphounding all system until the point when I not only for moments or minutes I stand up as I HAD ENOUGH - but I STAND and I AM HERE.--Human computer cyborg system mind consciousness - no separation is allowed - I forgive myself that I fear of looosing people around me if I dare me to express me in every moment without stopping trough self-judgement as self-designed self-stumblement.I forgive myself that I wanted to fuck woman - I wanted to manifest that I fuck me as I already fucked me with and as my mind.I forgive myself that I separated myself from the word - fuck. I embrace I am fucked - I am fucking with myself what is not necessary - simply stop trough exploring the 'no necessaryness'.

I do not need any picture, image about me who I am - I even letting go of the design of talamon. Talamon. TALAMON. No need - limited. I am life expression as all as one as equal. I dare me to not seeking after women - I already manifested my process - now just what is coming HERE - I face - I dare to move me - not run away, not supress and not hesitate - not procrastinate - I have nothing to loose - or if have then lets loose it here.I stop desire to being silent - that is supression of mind and trough polarity still maintaining - instead of what is here - I forgive I correct I let go and sorting all here as me as one as equal and realising that I am the directive principle and I am one and equal and I can stop one and for all and STOP.