When you don’t need your husband, but you still want him

When you don’t need your husband, but you still want him

Growing up with two brothers, and practical and pragmatic parents, I learned from an early age that I could do anything my brothers could. I built my own treehouse, made a go-kart, played with dolls, and got muddy along with the rest of them. I learned I was in charge of my own destiny, and while I grew to cherish input and help, I learned that I was not dependent upon it. Something happens when you don’t need something but can have it anyway. Perhaps you value or appreciate it more.

I can say that I chose to marry Colin because I wanted him, and not because I needed him. I am not dependent upon him to change light bulbs, replace a broken floor tile, replace a lavatory seal, or insert a new pane of glass. I never needed him to change a flat tyre, or to make my happiness for me. Since Colin’s accident, people ask me how it is to be with him. They want to know if I still love him, or if things have changed too much. For me, there is only one response – he is still the same man I married.

Perhaps he is not able to change a tyre, or help me in the garden, or with the pool maintenance, but that is not why I am with him. It is the essence of who he is that I am drawn to. Of course, I miss the hugs, and wish to be swept into his arms at the end of a day, or even sleep in the same bed as him, but these are less important things. He is still Colin. He sleeps in a hospital bed, by necessity, and he cannot sneak up on me when he comes home to give me a hug; but he is still himself.

I had to help a friend whose car battery was dead on the weekend, but it was not a problem as I have done it many times before. I was prepared for this many years ago, and I can’t help wondering if this is exactly where I am meant to be. Sort of that I was preparing for this life all along.

Today I am grateful for my Dad who lives with us. Thanks, Dad. It may have taken me 40 years, but I finally get it. Maybe today, I have finally grown up. XxX