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I've had a few people ask me what happen between the time I was with Mikey until I met Kadin. It was kinda a dark time in my life and if you been with me since the start of this blog I bet you could tell with my writings. There was a period of stupid and trusting the wrong people period I really not proud of. But cause my life has been an open book since I was 16 I'll share this with ya'll too some already know the story others know pieces of the story.

My Uncle is the main reason I moved to Florida I am very close to him and he's gay so I always had that in common with him. I won't go into me and Mikey break up and the whys and how comes but after he left I decided I wanted to be single for a while and dip my toes in the gay community. My Uncle told me to be careful that gay community is awesome to be have but can also chew a young boy up and spit him out like bad cum.

Living across the bay from the big gay community at the time I thought just sucked having to cross the skyway bridge everytime I wanted to go out and make new friends. There really no good gay clubs in my area so you had to go up to the StPete/Tampa area. So off I went and my Uncle said if you need me I'm a phone call and 20 minutes away. I'm not gonna name the clubs I went to don't want to promote them same of them just suck now and for that reason I won't speak of them.Didn't take long to make friends I felt like all eyes on me like I was the new piece of meat in town. Felt good really having self esteem issues it was nice to have everybody checking me out. Moving on don't want make this a super long post. I met some guys seem to pretty cool and we became friends. I started dating this local club dj it just didn't feel right with him he was a night person I was a day person. I remember doing things with him that made me feel nasty so you know it had to be bad.

For months I did the back and forth across the bridge or would stay the night with friends up there or whatever I picked up I thought was hot. The problem was I was finding out how much I liked drinking and I knew that in my family we had problems with it on both my parents. But I never turn it down and it started to be an issue. I would get on the juice and I would do crazy shit like stripping and even had sex in bathrooms of gay clubs yeah shit I'm not proud of.

With my immune system the way it is didn't talk long to get sick with the life I was living I remember waking up one morning at a friends house in St. Pete and I couldn't breath I told him best I could call 9-11 he freak out said I can't have them come here you know I can't I said I can't breath I need them he said go down to the corner and I'll call them so they won't come here. So a couple people help me to the corner sit me on a bus bench went across the street to a pay phone called 9-11 and left.

Damn this is gonna be a long post after all I'm gonna have to finish tomorrow sorry look at it as a daytime soap don't make fun of daytime soap cause I love them big big fan of General Hospital!

Ryan, I'm just gonna say this, we've all done stupid stuff in our lives and I'm sure there will be more to come for all of us. But you have a good man, now, who takes care of you, loves you and would most likely do anything for you. Hold on to him tight and never let go. This is not to say Mikey wasn't good for you while you were together, he was, but I don't think it was ever the deep down love you have with Kadin. I will send you an email for the rest because it is for your eyes only.

Wow, Ryan, you are really opening up. I'm sure these are painful memories, but you are to be commended for finding the courage to write them out. You never know when a young guy may read this and see himself...and know that it gets better!

Do you know what? I think this happens to a lot of people when they first come out. I know it happened to me and many of the friends I have now. The first gay clubbing experience, it is almost like a right of passage.