Yang blogs on : 11/26/2012 @ 7:41 AM............................................................................................................
when you just wanna give up

Ever wished for something so bad, and tried so many times, so many people kept shooting you down, eventually you just say fuck this shit, go on with life, buy a house, a car and dont ever look back.
i bought a small apartment with ching, and recently, a 2nd hand car. i have a job that makes me smile, mainly cos my boss is too nice, and i have time with my girl. money aint that great, sometimes i even ponder should i change to get more cash. looking at my cash, i was thinking to actually.
only setback is my weight, seems to be getting bad to worse. trying to cut down on my intake now, so at least i can be healthy.
and today, an email came. It was written at 9:07am, most likely from another place or something as i checked it was about 6:30am. I really dont know if my girl's power girl pulled some strings for me, or maybe AK gave me some hope.
Now, even though it is just the 1st stage, which i need to study hard, i am in a big dilemma. what if i passed all 4 stages? then should i sell my car, or even half of my apartment just to risk 3 years of studying, so i can achieve my dreams? i will risk everything from my job to my girl, to even my future. i have already debt of 40k with government, 50k debt with my aunt, 200k for apartment, 40k for car and now i want to risk it again with 250k debt for another round of studies?
i really want to do it, guess i really need to strike jackpot to get through this...
but just once in my life, i want something right to happen, so far ive been a big failure in life, and i am trying my best to fix it.
Yang, you can do it, just put some effort into it!

Yang blogs on : 1/11/2011 @ 12:32 AM............................................................................................................
Work Work Work

Wow, even after work I have to sit here and do reports with boss in the hotel lounge, but I guess its something nice considering my hotel is free. I'm always worn out, getting fat, but I know I have to do this or get a new job, perhaps I'm still hoping for my dreams to come true, perhaps I just want to run somehow. I want to be something I always want to be, haha, even some things in life I've let go just to do this. But is there anyone out there that even supports my dreams? I really hope this one is...

I want more tshirts, stupid laundry lost few of my fav sigh (check)I want a washing machine, so I can blame myself if there's anything missing (check)I want a pair of jordans, always been a dream (check)I want pair of blades, just to join in for a few hours (check)I want a GSHOCK, so I don't need to take out my handphone, dropping it a few floors (check)I want an iphone4, cos my E71 drop too many times (check)I want a PS3, so I can play all the games I've missed out (check)I want a good laptop, so I can actually watch youtube (check)I want a bike, so I do not need to wake up 6am waiting till 8am to work (check)I want a car, so I can fetch her anywhere I want instead of letting others do it (check)

Most of all, I want a house, so at least, I have a place to call home... I'm trading all of those above just for one dream, is it worth it? Let's see how by end year and please let me go through this before breaking down anymore.

Every thought that ok, this is it, I gotta find another way to do this, my believe is now gone, and I have to face it another way, to improve my life, somehow just give up something to gain something.

Then it comes back to hunt you, stabbing me, crimson blood flowing out knowing that I was just a bit late, to gain back what was taken from me. And yet the only thing that happened was, trying to dig information from me?

For this I take back my words, I don't wanna depend on nobody no more for at least this dream I hold so dear to my soul

So far, I think I've gotten somewhere, but somehow, I don't feel like I'm doing enough.There's so many promises to keep, and so many I've broken.I need more and more time, maybe more control, or perhaps sell tiles for a living.Maybe I should just get on with life, dump my past, but everytime I see old pictures, or old friends, I regret for not doing better.