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This little girl will always have a place in my heart and mind. For a few weeks every time I saw her face on our computers a part of my heart hurt. I know in my head that the chance of getting this sweet little baby, would have to be a miracle. My God is a miracle worker.

There are orphans all over the world.. Here are some statistics…

Between 1990 and 2000, the number of orphans in Africa rose from 30.9 million to 41.5 million, and those orphaned by AIDS increased from 330,000 to seven million.

The spine-chilling statistics on African orphans estimate that there are 170,000 orphaned children in Mauritania, 710,000 in Mali, 800,000 in Niger, 600,000 in Chad, 1.7 million in Sudan, 280,000 in Eritrea, 48,000 in Djibouti, 4.8 million in Ethiopia, 630,000 in Somalia, 560,000 in Senegal, 710,000 in Burkina Faso, 370,000 in Benin, 64,000 in The Gambia, 100,000 in Guinea-Bissau and 370,000 in Guinea.

Every 15 SECONDS, another child becomes an AIDS orphan in Africa

Every DAY 5,760 more children become orphans

Every YEAR 2,102,400 more children become orphans (in Africa alone)

143,000,000Orphans in the world today spend an average of 10 years3 in an orphanage or foster home

Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but…

Every YEAR 14,050,000 children still grow up as orphans and AGE OUTof the system

Every DAY 38,493 children AGE OUT

Every 2.2 SECONDS, another orphan child AGES OUT with no family to belong to and no place to call

home

In Ukraine and Russia 10% -15% of children who age out of an orphanage commit suicide before age 18.

60% of the girls are lured into prostitution. 70% of the boys become hardened criminals.

Many of these children accept job offers that ultimately result in their being sold as slaves. Millions of girls are

sex slaves today, simply because they were unfortunate enough to grow up as orphans.

This is staggering, this is against human dignity. This is so upsetting to me. These children are just like my 3 girls who are

up in their room, listening to music and loving life. So full of promise, destiny, love, energy, and a future.

I write this because Michael and I may have to look into another Country to adopt. We have looked so much into China and have found the process to be very difficult and the waiting period to get that child, to not be a few years but 5 or more years. There is a back load of more than 70,000 applications to adopt from China and each country is only allowed so many adoptions a year. This is huge. That is why so many children get to that un-adoptable age and never see the light of day, outside of an orphanage.

Since our youngest is 15 now, we feel like we don’t want her to be that old. We want her to still be in her early teens if possible.

This scripture tells me, God knows which country, which child and the path he already has figured out for us. We just don’t know yet, so we are blindly walking seeing which doors are open and which are closed and walking through the open ones. We are currently looking into Nepal, which is South of China and North of India. Nepal has a population of more than 26 million people, made up of over 40 different races and tribes. The two major groups in Nepalese society are Tibeto-Burmans, or Mongoloids for the North, and Indo-Aryans from the South.

So join us in prayer that God would continue to show us his will and wants in this situation. That we would boldly without fear, follow the path he is showing us.That all our worries would be cast away.

Psalm 68:19Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

As of my last post I wrote on how I was keeping my heart and soul quietly to myself. I even remember having our de-brief with our mission board and trying to explain the changes in my life from this trip. It was so hard to explain and I even then don’t know if I showed what was in my heart and head. Maybe i did, I really am not sure. It is so hard to put things in words, things that you never even thought or felt. When God shows you his heart he sometimes has to change you and make you ready to see his wants, his hurts, his love. I just know that when God changes you, everything you thought you were and are is gone. Changed, made new, different, transformed.

Changed- to make different in some particular :alter, to make radically different :transform, to give a different position, course, or direction to, to replace with another , to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution , change , alter , vary , modify mean to make or become different.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I have now realized that this change, this thing that was wrote on my sleeve, was there, right there, for everyone to see. That I wasn’t fooling anyone, or hiding anything. It was clearly written on me. Someone on the mission board, called it being branded. I was branded with a love for our China believers and un-believers when I went to Hong Kong in 07′ and brought bibles in. That was the beginning of a change in me. Seeing how they are persecuted just for believing in Jesus, that most of them never have a chance to hear his name. That in the USA, people hear the gospel over 400 times a year.

Then when I went to Beijing and worked at PHF, it was another love of the China people. A love for their orphans, a understanding of why these babies are thrown away. That a mother may not even have a choice in the matter, even if the child is wanted. China’s culture is for the grandparents, their son and family, to support each other as a family unit. Since there is a one child per family law, families wouldn’t want sick children or females, since that child would be everything to the family. If they had a female, once she is married she would go with her husband, to his family. So these women are having no choice in the matter.

After my husband sat me down one day and said you want to adopt right, we started to pray for what God’s will is. At first there were concerns on his part, with our ages, and our independence when he is at retirement age. Also our youngest is 15, so we would have changes in our lives. We can go out in the evening and not have to hire a babysitter anymore. We know our eldest is on her way to her own life, getting married next year and our two youngest are in 9th and 12th grade.

My husband came back to me about a week later with a verse that shows what God’s heart is on adoption.

James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress

It’s ironic that while we were at PHF, Diane and I shared a room and that was the scripture on our door. I believe God had this planned all out for us before we knew anything about it. That God planned to wreck me and change me and that our house would be a refuge for an orphan. When I realized that there are unwanted orphans all over the world, I knew that we have a home and we could love this child and give this child a family.

1 Corinthians 14:4-8, 13 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

THIS IS THE JOURNEY YOU MUST UNDERTAKE. YOUR DESTINATION IS UNKNOWN; ALL THAT YOU DO KNOW IS THAT THERE IS A GREAT TREASURE AT THE END OF IT; IT’S WORTH BEYOND ALL COST; A JEWEL SO PRICELESS THAT ALL YOU ENDURE, ALL THAT YOU SUFFER, ALL THAT YOU HOPE FOR WILL BE MORE THAN WORTH IT.

IN SOME WAYS MAYBE IT’S GOOD NOT TO KNOW THE FUTURE; FOR EVEN THOUGH THERE IS AN AWARENESS THAT THINGS CAN AND DO GO WRONG, YOU KEEP ON GOING. FRIENDS AND FAMILY ENCOURAGE YOU, BUT EVEN IN THEIR CARING IT IS NOT ENOUGH. FOR NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS THIS CALL OF YOUR SOUL.

PERHAPS THIS IS WHAT MAKES HUMANITY IN ALL IT’S FRAIL AND THOUGHTLESS WAYS SHINE WITH GREATNESS. FOR THE ONE THING THAT KEEPS BEAUTY IN OUR WORLD, THAT BUILDS GREAT MONUMENTS AND ENDEAVORS, THAT OPENS EYES AND HEARTS AND SOULS TO ALL THAT IS THE VERY HIGHEST AIM OF HUMANITY; AND YES, EVEN YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY; IS LOVE.

At the end of my trip in China, at Phillip Hayden Foundation, I ended up getting a very bad cold. Because many of the children and Sharon were in a hospital and many of the children were very sick, I was told I couldn’t be at the hospital. It is funny what God does to protect us, I was already concerned about leaving these children and not wanting to be heart-broken and prayed for God to protect my heart.

Philipipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Well the fact that I got sick did protect my heart, I never was able to hold Sharon and say goodbye and I knew she was there and God has her in his hands. I was there for a few days and was able to still play, hold and minister to those children who were more healthy. God showed me all ages of orphans, not just babies, but 4, 5, 6, 13, 14, and 18 year olds.

When I got off that plane I was ready to be home, ready to be with my kids and husband, ready to share my experience and love for these kids. I was still figuring out what God wanted me to do, or as a family to do. We could support a child financially, or support PHF financially, pray, or adopt. What was God trying to show me. I finally was back home and I shared my love for these children to those all around me, but didn’t share my heart, for adoption. I had friends from the trip telling my husband that I would have taken Sharon home if they would’ve let me and I did say yes I would have.

But I thought I had hidden my heart and soul, how could I explain how I felt if I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure how to say it, how to put it in words, if God wanted this for us, how would Michael feel about this. I always felt it wouldn’t be fair to a spouse if someone came home from Africa and said God is calling us there, without the other person feeling the same call.

I did go through a hard time coming home, I was changed and still am. How can you not hold those babies and be changed. God is amazing and powerful, he is enough, to change my stubborn, afraid to change mindset. We were de-briefed when we came home and had a chance to share to the mission board, the things that we experienced and how God changed our views, even about the people and things we had thought about the culture.

I had people around me saying what’s wrong with you, are you ok. That was fine for a while but very annoying after a while. It’s a shame that people all over the world are praying for God to change them and when he does people think you are depressed or just don’t know what to do with you.

Matthew 18:3 And he said: I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven

Other people that have been on mission trips understand this change and don’t get me wrong, I was telling people that I am all right but haven’t figured out everything that God is doing in me. Sometimes when God changes us, it is a gradual thing, it may be a revealing of his heart in a situation, little by little and step by step. But if he wants a true change, it won’t just be a passing thing, it will be hard. It will be hard to explain, it may change friendships, life, your family, your desires, your comfort, everything. Everything that you put importance to or thought you were.

I just want to be one who is obedient to what God is calling us to.

John 14:15 If you love me, you will obey what I command.

Philippians 2:13 For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

My sweet little angelWe didn’t even know your name
When we first learned about you
But we loved you just the same.
We prayed and we dreamed
Of the day when we would meet
The special little person
Who would make our life complete.
That we were brought together
Is an answer from above
You needed someone to care for you
We needed someone to love
The road that you have walked alone
Is now part of your past
So rest assured my angel,
You are safe at home at last.