DO NOT buy teeth whitener off a Facebook AD. The result will be a burn, badly. You might experience bleached gums, spitting up blood, and a swollen face. It’s so not the white teeth you were hoping for.

Sunday morning (and by morning I mean afternoon) I woke up to find that someone had stolen my big bottle of Captain I just bought the night before. So naturally I yelled, “WHY IS THE RUM GONE!?”I love being able to say when it’s relevant.

I am a very sneaky and smart person, the dbag who stole my Captain didn’t realize who he was messing with. I was not about to let that wanker get away with the crime he committed. After some research was done I figured out who comandeered my liquor..

So I did what needed to be done, I wore an eye patch, knocked on his door, when he opened his door I pushed him aside and said “Excuse me” in the most snotty girl voice I am capable of, walked into his kitchen, took the rum, and walked out without saying a word. (that is all true except for the eye-patch part, I wish I was wearing an eyepatch)

Clearly this man with half a brain knew to stay out of my way, he didn’t try to stop me, he just stood there dumbfounded. As I walked out the door I heard him say “have a good night”

There is a boy in my class who is an moron. I am not being mean either, he is the dumbest kid I’ve ever met. He is the kind of kid who leans too far back on his chair and falls over in the middle of class. The kid who tries to change the grade the professor gave him thinking she won’t notice. The kind of kid who barks like a dog at people in public.

In class the other day this pathetic excuse for a student decided to sit next to me. Great. I love sitting next to morons. This is how it went…

I am sitting quietly in the front row listening to the professor lecture

Moron- Pssst!

I ignored him

Moron- pssst! hey you! Look at my granola bar

I ignored him

Moron- JUST LOOK AT MY GRANOLA BAR

I looked. I Nodded than looked away.

Moron- Look how many nuts are in my granola bar, it’s driving me nuts

I ignored him

Moron- LOOK at the nuts in my granola bar!

I looked. No comment.

Moron- Listen to me chew. It’s so loud

Then he chewed in my ear.

How the hell is this moron in college? How does he dress himself every morning? Stupid people never cease to amaze me.

My sisters school (which happens to be a christian university) got shut down the other day on account of really bad racism. Someone had the nerve to put raccoons in a black students car. What point was he or she trying to make? What sort of statement is that? If you are black you deserve to have raccoons in your car? What the hell, I don’t care who you are, that is wrong and not to mention really stupid.