July 10, 2010

Cat Food

Haglund just returned from Petco-where the pets
go - with a big supply of Fancy Feast. It's 50 cents per can compared to
90 cents at the Food Extortion supermarket in Manhattan. While at
Petco-where the pets go, Haglund met Chesty, a lady bulldog with major
pecs who was doing the sniff & drool on everyone's feet with a free repeat
on anyone with naked toes. Chesty waddled up the cat food aisle sniffing &
drooling on the cans of food on the bottom shelf – life for her is good.
Haglund bagged a couple of cans of Fancy Feast with Chesty's drool to bring home
to his cats who are now both happy and alarmed with their new stash.
Happy and alarmed cats - handle with care - and keep them away from any
––

Ring, ring, ring. Oh, damn, who is that!

Haglund: Hello?

Voice: Can we talk?

Haglund: Who is this?

Voice: I need your help.

Haglund: Who IS this?

Voice: Let's refer to me as L1-L3,
okay?

Haglund: L1-L3?? O-o-o-o-o-oh. [Sneering]

L1-L3: I read your blog all the time –

Haglund: – and sometimes borrow from it –

L1-L3: – well yes, that too. I'm in such a
conflicted state and you are the only one I can turn to.

Haglund: Uh huh.

L1-L3: You know about my carnal cravings for David
Hallberg.

Haglund: Uh huh.

L1-L3: You know how I adore that darling Natalia
Osipova. I've hyped her to the point of hyperventilating.

Haglund: Uh huh.

L1-L3: You know how I detest Kenneth MacMillan and
love skewering his choreography whenever possible.

Haglund: Yep.

L1-L3: So here I am – sitting in L1 – wondering
what the heck I'm going to write about this performance.

Haglund: Uh, the performance doesn't start for another
minute.

L1-L3: But I have deadlines and cannot
diddle-piddle about.

Haglund: So, what do you want from me?

L1-L3: Tell me which is better: "I can almost
tolerate this production with Mr. Hallberg and Ms. Osipova in the leads" OR "I
could learn to live with this trashy choreography if Mr. Hallberg and Ms Osipova
were dancing it."