Push Pull

We’ve all had the experience of chasing a girl – and we all know how that ends. When you chase someone, you just get them to run away faster. Chasing doesn’t work because chasing subcommunicates lower value: if you’re chasing her, that must mean she’s higher value than you, otherwise she would be chasing you.

On the other hand, you can’t refuse to chase, either. Women expect men to take the lead in dating, and unless her attraction level for you is through the roof, waiting for her is really just giving other guys an opportunity to swoop in ahead of you. While you’re not calling, or escalating … they are. And if they’re attractive, well, she’s not going to wait on you.

Fortunately, there’s is a solution to this catch-22, and that solution is push pull routines. You remain unpredictable, and refuse to fall into a “courting” frame. On the other hand, you continue to provide opportunities for her to spend time with you, you continue to provide her with good emotions, and you continue to escalate kino.

We’ve already seen some examples of PUA push-pull in other articles so far. For example, when you call a girl for the first time, and you don’t ask her out, and you get off the phone first, you are practicing push-pull. She is receiving mixed messages: “He seems to like me, he seems to enjoy my company, but he didn’t ask me out. Why didn’t he ask me out?” Or when you invite a girl to a group activity: on one hand, you’re asking her out, but on the other it doesn’t feel like a date, so she doesn’t know where she stands.

Conversationally, it’s often good to keep this dynamic going. If you praise her for something (which you should do, often!) make sure you deflate her a little, too. It’s okay if this is playful, and a little goes a long way.

WIth kino, two-steps-forward, one-step-back is a form of push-pull. Being the one to stop kissing is incredibly powerful. (One great technique is to start kissing her in a location where you can’t go very far … so you’re the one to stop it.) Women are so used to men trying to get every inch of physical affection they can that when you stop things, they’ll often have a powerful surge demanding more. You can use the control you have over her physical reactions in this way as a springboard for cocky humor, as well.

Learning to calibrate how much push goes with how much pull takes time and experience. Try to develop a feel for when you’re leaning forward, and when she is. A little attention can go a long way, and you’ll probably start to pick it up pretty quickly. If this is new to you, don’t be afraid to push a little harder than you’re used to. WIth your value high, she’ll come back around. In fact, while you’re learning, if you never push hard enough to get a negative reaction, you’re probably pulling too much and not pushing enough. Get out of your comfort zone and you’ll probably discover that you have much more latitude than you think you do.