Girl wants to bring it down a notch, advice needed

I've been dating this girl for a little over a month and as much as I tried to kept it gradual, we kind of quickly became infatuated with each other and tore off our clothes about 2 weeks into it. The fact that I was on a 3yr dryspell didn't help, or the fact that she is very good looking and used to be a gymnast.

She said something about her having second thoughts about having sex with me, but I got it on with her before she could even think about it again.

Yesterday in the car she told me that she can't be intimate with me today...
I asked her wtf and she told me she wants to bring it down a notch.

I immediately told her that if she thinks of me as a friend. I'm leaving her car and not seeing her ever again, cause I have enough friends. She said, no, and that she wants to talk to me at my place.

We got to my place and basically she said that she needs more time to make a decision. She can't be my friend, cause we're waaay past that, but she definitely can't be my gf yet (not that I want her to either).

So her justification was that since she's been out of the relationship for 3 months only and since she learned so much about herself in those 3 months, she needs a little more time.
We're still going to be dating, it's just it won't go past kissing.

What bugs me is that she doesn't know how long she'll have to think about this, and what her decision will be.

I was honest, completely, yesterday, and told her that this summer was really good and I really see her make a positive decision. I'm staying optimistic...So i'll wait.

I don't know how long I should (or can) wait...or what to do. We both have never been in this situation, so it's weird, yet I think we handled it somewhat maturely.

When I hinted if she has anyone else, she picked it up and assured me that i'm the only one she's seeing and she really likes me, and that she just needs time. As much as we didn't give each other labels, we kinda have been acting like a bf/gf.

I find it a little odd, to go all the way, and then cutting yourself off like that. I'm not sure.

sexually we're both very compatible. turn each other on like a fucking switch. However, that is being put on hold.

I say give it a shot for a while with just the dating (nothing past kissing).

It sucks that she can't give you a time frame but then if you think about it, it's probably hard for her as well and I'm not too sure if there's a specific time frame in which people "find themselves" or whatever she's doing.

Maybe she wants to get to know you a bit more or maybe she just simply doesn't want the relationship to be all about sex (not saying that it is).

However I think it was wise of you to tell her that you weren't looking for another friend and that you want a relationship.

I say give it a shot for a while with just the dating (nothing past kissing).

It sucks that she can't give you a time frame but then if you think about it, it's probably hard for her as well and I'm not too sure if there's a specific time frame in which people "find themselves" or whatever she's doing.

Maybe she wants to get to know you a bit more or maybe she just simply doesn't want the relationship to be all about sex (not saying that it is).

However I think it was wise of you to tell her that you weren't looking for another friend and that you want a relationship.

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I dunno if "get to know you" applies here. We were lately about sex, maybe that's what freaked her out

There was no way I could be in her friendzone, I explained to her that at some point yesterday and she told me that she won't be able to cause we're way past that.

I dunno if "get to know you" applies here. We were lately about sex, maybe that's what freaked her out

There was no way I could be in her friendzone, I explained to her that at some point yesterday and she told me that she won't be able to cause we're way past that.

I'll wait.

p.s. kinda weird seeing you out of main forum lulz.

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yea i see where you're coming from. I too think that the sex may have freaked her out. I know some women think that if they rush into sex with a guy or have it soon into the relationship, that that's all the guy wanted. But you seem to be very open about her with what you're looking for. so i hope everything works out ok.

yea i see where you're coming from. I too think that the sex may have freaked her out. I know some women think that if they rush into sex with a guy or have it soon into the relationship, that that's all the guy wanted. But you seem to be very open about her with what you're looking for. so i hope everything works out ok.

and yea, I'm venturing out

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That makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, she knows that I don't wanna just sexxor her up. I made that clear yesterday.

i think she might be worried that since sex started early in the relationship you might be just viewing it as a physical relationship

i personally would give her a few weeks to sort it out. if she still cant make her mind up then just take a break and look for someone else. tell her to let you know if she decides anything but you cant wait around any longer.

this could be a good thing, its probably better to take it slow. my last g/f and i took it way too fast and it caused alot of problems later in the relationship

i think she might be worried that since sex started early in the relationship you might be just viewing it as a physical relationship

i personally would give her a few weeks to sort it out. if she still cant make her mind up then just take a break and look for someone else. tell her to let you know if she decides anything but you cant wait around any longer.

this could be a good thing, its probably better to take it slow. my last g/f and i took it way too fast and it caused alot of problems later in the relationship

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I think that's what I'm gonna do. At this point she's upgrade on many levels compared to my ex. She opened up to me somewhat yesterday, which was relaxing. However, I can't be just sitting on a sideline for too long : /

The problem is that after the first time, she was the one who'd initiate sex. So yesterday she was kind of blaming herself and stuffs. While I was going

Kinda funny that when we started we decided to take it slow and then just went all out, and now we're forcing each other to keep it slow again. Seems so forced, which is why i'm feeling odd...

she is using chick logic. don't even talk about this with her anymore. just go "OK, we'll just see how this goes" and make her miss you, see her less often, tease the hell out of her, and when she pushes forward, don't let her go beyond kissing (for a while)

she is using chick logic. don't even talk about this with her anymore. just go "OK, we'll just see how this goes" and make her miss you, see her less often, tease the hell out of her, and when she pushes forward, don't let her go beyond kissing (for a while)

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intriguing, but I don't know if it's the best thing to do. Don't wanna see that i lost interest in her or ignoring her.

i know i've done that with guys and it leaves them wanting more
and a few have even done it to me

absence makes the heart grow fonder. but i would only use that as a last resort.

so like after a month of you two not hooking up and just casually dating, that's when i'd spring that on her

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Well in the beginning, like the second week. She was telling me how i'm a wicked tease. Since I put my hand almost in her bra and then pull it out saying "too early". So I dunno...I'll try it out, but just a little, and maybe in a month i'll try to tease her with more effort.

Personally, I wouldn't wait around. Who knows how long it will take for her to figure out what she wants/be ready? Not to mention, if she just got out of a relationship she DOES have a lot to figure out. Especially if she knows you're right there waiting, you gotta put a little fire under her ass.

I would be inclined to say, "I respect that. I wish you luck, give me a call when you figure out what you want. If we're both still unattached, we'll see where it goes." Reassure her of your interest in her, but let her know that you're not going to wait around indefinitely.

I just don't understand people wanting to go backwards, as if "just kissing" after you've already slept together will make any difference in her decision making/thought process If she thinks cutting off the physical stuff will help her figure everything out, then cut it all off.

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I tend to agree with this a bit. If you were both enjoying yourself where is the problem? Holding back just because she's scared is just going to hurt herself and your relationship in the long run anyway.

It sounds shitty, but you should ask for at least some sort of time span. The fact that you're willing to give her space and not immediately end things should be plenty of justification. She has a need, so do you.

Personally, I wouldn't wait around. Who knows how long it will take for her to figure out what she wants/be ready? Not to mention, if she just got out of a relationship she DOES have a lot to figure out. Especially if she knows you're right there waiting, you gotta put a little fire under her ass.

I would be inclined to say, "I respect that. I wish you luck, give me a call when you figure out what you want. If we're both still unattached, we'll see where it goes." Reassure her of your interest in her, but let her know that you're not going to wait around indefinitely.

I just don't understand people wanting to go backwards, as if "just kissing" after you've already slept together will make any difference in her decision making/thought process If she thinks cutting off the physical stuff will help her figure everything out, then cut it all off.

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I know she does last relationship left me "not looking" for good 6 months, and I developed some trust issues. I'm over it and it's been 9 months.

I know that I won't wait for another 3 months. i'm thinking halloween or so. If at some point when we're together things aren't going any further, I'll just do the bolded paragraph, because I have my needs as well.
She never done anything like this so she's weirded out by her decision and she was a little surprised by mine...So she told me a lot of stuff that were going in her head, which is good.
I'm seeing her on friday. We'll see what's happening there. I'll update this thread.

I tend to agree with this a bit. If you were both enjoying yourself where is the problem? Holding back just because she's scared is just going to hurt herself and your relationship in the long run anyway.

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I dunno if it will. It might, cause i'll just walk away in couple of months. However, i know we can click back into it without a problem until then.
I'm not exactly sure wtf she's figuring out. I'm definitely giving her some space tho'.

It sounds shitty, but you should ask for at least some sort of time span. The fact that you're willing to give her space and not immediately end things should be plenty of justification. She has a need, so do you.

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She asked me that in the beginning that she doesn't have a time frame. However, once i'm tired of waiting i'll ask her for a time span or leave (or leave if she needs too much time).

i dont think you should ask for time span. i dont think you should "wait" for her to figure things out. if you wait and it doesn work out then you are gonna feel retarded. just keep options open and see other girls ^^

i dont think you should ask for time span. i dont think you should "wait" for her to figure things out. if you wait and it doesn work out then you are gonna feel retarded. just keep options open and see other girls ^^

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I'm not going to feel retarded, but there definitely be some wasted time. I'll wait, but if anything good comes along after some time...I might explain her the situation (i guess that would be soft ultimatum).

I made my decision. I know there's a risk of me wasting time off my life. However, if she does need just a little time, why not. She'll only be more sure about me, and I want her and not some other chick. I talked to her yesterday (she contacted me). We talked like nothing happened, which is a good sign and i'll see her on friday (planning a little double date). We'll see how this is going.