http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
Congress launched an investigation Tuesday into the use of
steroids in Major League ball. The drug is risky for any athlete.
Not only does the stuff cause excess bulk and hair loss, it also
limits you to one term as governor of Minnesota.

Hidden Valley Golf Club in Riverside was raided Sunday when
prostitutes were caught working in tents on the golf course. It
was during a tournament for home building contractors. Jimmy
Carter announced the next day he's built his last house.

Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill complained Tuesday that the
U.S. tax code is driving businesses to relocate in Bermuda. It's
a haven for tax evaders. The weather is great but it gets really
old going out to see Willie Nelson every night.

President Bush hosted the annual Conference on Character at
the White House Wednesday. He extolled the virtues of respect,
responsibility, self-restraint, honesty and family commitment.
These constant attacks on Bill Clinton will never end.

The NSA told Congress it intercepted phone calls on
September 10th warning that the match was on and September 11th
was zero hour. However, the CIA says it's not sure the calls were
referring to the suicide hijackings. There's always the chance
that someone was trying to warn Martha Stewart to sell her Enron
stock.

The FBI warned Tuesday a boatload of al-Qaeda fighters is
sailing toward Los Angeles to attempt a beach landing. No one's
worried. This is Los Angeles, and the moment they try to land,
they will be driven back into the sea by Crip gunfire.

The White House was evacuated Wednesday when an unidentified
aircraft circled overhead. The airplane quickly vanished and U.S.
intelligence doesn't know who it was or where it was going. That
night in California, blondes were telling FBI jokes.

A House of Representatives subcommittee voted Wednesday to
allow airline pilots to carry guns in the cockpit. The
legislation is just in time. It's not going to be easy telling
some of those overweight passengers they have to buy a second
ticket.

M&Ms announced the results of their election for a new color
Wednesday. Purple got 41 percent of the vote, followed by aqua
with 37 percent and pink with 19 percent. It may seem trivial,
but if not for all those votes for green, Al Gore would be
president today.

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements,
please click here.