Wednesday, March 6, 2013

It is Sexy Time: Frustrated! Do Black Women Drive Black Men to Brazil in Order to Find Sex and Love?

Lots of pain out there...

I was looking back over some of the topics we have discussed here on We Are Respectable Negroes over the last few weeks and months. Race and politics, ghetto nerd culture, professional wresting, cyber racism, sociology, housing segregation, foreign policy, popular culture, questions about black respectability, and a litany of other other matters, have all been considered here.

We are going to be pushing our boundaries even more. There is a common theme on We Are Respectable Negroes across its various iterations--critical inquiry and politics in its many forms--and a range of topics pursued to that end. Good stuff.

As I mentioned last week, I will be debuting my podcast conversation with Nica Noelle tomorrow. I keep pushing it back for the right time, as I wanted to have a proper lead in to the topic. I then realized WARN does its own thing, so there really is no right time like the present.

I like sexy time. I like talking about sex in its many forms. I love hands on research even more. In all, our conversations about sex have been among some of the most interesting and surprising here on We Are Respectable Negroes.

Attraction is a funny thing. Is is a function of biology? Circumstance? Timing? Something else?

For example, as a young working class black guy I was always told to avoid redheaded white women. I internalized this mantra until I met a bad white sister who happened to have red hair. There was a moment of cognitive dissonance: would I turn down a ride to Pleasure Town because of a few genetic markers, or would I come to my senses and enjoy the ride?

Me thinks you know my policy regarding intimacy across the color line--as long as all parties have washed, we are all the same color when the lights go out. And yes, redheaded pleasure town was a mighty nice place to visit. I would eagerly return there again and again and again with said sister who happened to be white and have red hair.

Attraction is much more than skin deep. I will not judge others; I simply want what I want regardless of the race or body type the object of my desires may be contained within.

Of course, I have a "type." Don't we all? It has become increasingly both refined and specific, as well as ambiguous over the years. Color me confused.

Nevertheless, I do not have a "racial" type. It is not that I am that universal and radically humanistic as to not see color. To suggest such a thing would 1) be a lie, and 2) deny how superficial aesthetics can get a person's engine going. Moreover, I have never been a fan of bringing political correctness into the bedroom.

I also reject the claim that a particular ethnic or racial group has a particular set of traits that are in turn reflected by their intimate style, or chemistry with a given person.

I have enjoyed women from "conservative" cultures and backgrounds who would make the angels blush when they got down to business. I have also spent quality time with women from "exotic" or "hedonistic" backgrounds where I was counting down the ways and moments to a respectable exit from the situation.

I had heard about this project some time ago. I am happy the copyright monster has not gobbled it up (yet).

I met one of these "Black American going to Brazil brothers to find beautiful women not like Black Americans" once. We chatted. He was a nice guy, but he was not the most attractive or compelling. I did not have it in my heart to perhaps suggest that he was traveling abroad and using his resources to have a "girlfriend relationship" with a sex worker. I did not want to break his heart. I can be mean. I try not to be cruel.

Money looms over the relationships discussed in Frustrated: Black American Men in Brazil. There is another obvious variable at play in these stories of desire and attraction narrated by the principals in this "documentary." I will leave calling that one out to all of you good folks.

One never knows what they will find here on We Are Respectable Negroes. I love to swerve folks. It keeps things interesting.

You tell me. Is there some direct relationship between a person's ethnic or racial background and their sexual prowess? Or is the real question about finding a good partner and a compatible set of cultural values that make them a desirable mate...and therefore, more sexy and attractive?

Wrong thread. But anyway, those are the lies you tell children. In the real world, there is volumes of data on how social networks, wealth, income, and yes names, impact life chances. Never mind race and gender.

My mother, godmother, and aunts. I do think that was part of the cultural memory. Being from the Northeast, the Irish post 18th c. or so had no love for black folks and were amongst the most racist "whites." Ironic, because all the brothers I know have had nothing but great times with women in Ireland. I guess the abolitionist era alliances still hold across the pond.

Sorry guys. It's not always feasible to walk around in half bikinis and "laugh, talk and dance in the club" in America. Most Americans, all we can do is work, work, work. But hey. if you think that this is what will make you happy, carry on. In my opinion, it reeks of the superficiality that American women are being accused of.

As far as relationships preferences go, I'd have to say mutual respect, varied interests and a healthy curiosity have to go hand in hand with a willingness to learn and grow. Knowledge, the pursuit of knowledge and openness to learning what you may not know, is sexy.

One of the worst thing that can be said to me is "We've done it this way all my life..." in answer to a suggestion on a different approach. Or, if your conversational style consists of "if I am walking down the street with my girlfriend and her hair fall on the floor..," you may, for the first time in your life, actually see a pair of eyeballs roll onto the floor. Just like they threatened to do while watching that video.

I bet you don't even deal with black women Mr. DeVega. Stop frontin'. Your comments on extolling the sexual virtues of non black women has reached saturation. What a concept a black man who loves white women. Get over yourself dude, you are a dime a dozen.

Okay. Must have literally hit a nerve with you. Any personal pain that you would like to process?

Many of your comments as of late have been very contrarian and borderline hostile here on WARN. I would suggest reviewing the comment policy. If you cannot contribute positively--i.e. not just complaining, but actually offering up something substantive--WARN may not be a good place for you.

Take a breath. Step back. Reconsider your comment. What if anything have I said here or elsewhere would ever lead you to that conclusion. Do you have reading comprehension issues?

I think if you actually read what I wrote above, and also elsewhere here, you will see that I have talked about that issue many times. And my deep belief that poc should marry and partner with each other all things being equal in this society, for reasons as basic as resource allocation. Every white (ethnic) group did this. Why should we not?

However, that never trumps personal chemistry, taste, love, or respect.

Reconsider my comment? Uhh...no. Reading comprehension issues? No, but I have a high BS radar. You can't defend what I said without feigning outrage then, I think I hit a nerve with you. If you think someone challenging you on what you say on here is hostile, then go ahead and enforce your subjective comment policy. Toodles!!!

I can't front Chauncey. Some white chicks literally make me weak at the knees. Must be the forbidden fruit thing. I've only been to bed with one white woman in my life and she was about as freaky as any freaky black woman I've been with. But with her it just felt more nasty(in a good way). It had to be the "society thinks this is wrong" factor that made it feel that good. I think that factors in to the pleasure experience.

Who is Chauncey DeVega?

I am a political essayist, cultural critic, educator, and host of the podcast known as "The Chauncey DeVega Show".

I have been a guest on the BBC, Ring of Fire Radio, Ed Schultz, Make it Plain, Joshua Holland's Alternet Radio Hour, the Thom Hartmann radio show, the Burt Cohen show, and Our Common Ground.

I have also been interviewed on the RT Network and Free Speech TV.

My writing has been featured by Salon, Alternet, The New York Daily News, and the Daily Kos.

My work has also been referenced by MSNBC, the Associated Press, Chicago Sun-Times, Detroit Free Press, San Diego Free Press, the Global Post, as well as online magazines and publications such as The Atlantic, Slate, The Week, The New Republic, Buzzfeed, Counterpunch, Truth-Out, Pacific Standard, Common Dreams, The Daily Beast, The Washington Times, The Nation, RogerEbert.com, Ebony, and The Chronicle of Higher Education.

Judge me by my enemies. Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Juan Williams, Herman Cain, Alex Jones, World Net Daily, Twitchy, the Free Republic, the National Review, NewsBusters, the Media Research Council, Project 21, and Weasel Zippers have made it known that they do not like me very much.