a few nights ago I swore to leave this life behind

anyway, a few nights ago I actually to leave this life behind Of fighting, violence, and trying to get vengence on vairous people I ahd on a hit list. And the reason it all seemed clear to me that it was pointless and I will never become vicious enough for this life or have the fearlessness for it and fighting ability and jdugement making at the right times for it is this:

I was beaten with a single punch by some Samoan beast, and it was the hardest hit I ever took in a fight inside or outside the sparring gyms and ma schools or numerous fights Ive gone into including some where a huge bouncer twice my size had to hit me about 4 times before I finally fell and got upr ight away.

This is what happened. I was walking and tlaking to this guy I kind of knew who id rank a beer with, than as I talk to someone else I turn around and notice this Samoan guy who looks a bit bulky but wasnt any bigger really than me imo (although other ppl later claimed he was) was hassling him and trying to provoke him or look for an excuse to attack him. So after waiting awhile seeing this guy I knew back down and the guy kept pesturing him, I decided to restrain him by putting him in a rear naked choke like I did that one time in the party I mentioned here where I told the guy later "you dont know what Ive been trained in" and it worke dnumerous times for me including that cocaine addict friend of mine form the boxing gym I think I told you guys about whose half eskimo, he even on a high couldnt escape it.

ANyway as I start squeezing harder and barely into it all fo a sudden he turns or if I remember right uses hsi neck muscles to spring himself forward or something to that effect and gets loose in like less than a second (I never seen anyone egt loose form this in my life and I had one hard grip), than all of a sudden in another split moment he punches me with a hook right to my eye (or just below it) and before I know it Im on the ground and probably wa suncontious for a second, cause the next thing I remember was he was gone on the other side of the street I think with some other homioes of his waiting to see if anyone else will come toward them or me and mocking me to come toward him. I remember my eye feeling so badly that even when someone gave me ice and I held it the cut I had on it kept pouring some blood and I couldnt open it at all.

One guy told me I might need some stiches, and another came up I met earlier for a bit in the bar asked the other guy who I was trying to help if some other guy was around to which he said yes, than asked what did he do, and the guy I was with said njtohing. Than that guy said "nothing huh? thats exactly what he did back in pelican bay with me, nothing."

Anyway, later as I was ehading toward my car a cab driver pulled up enar me who took that guy and his friends and told me they were form some other town and how he hated what they did to me and how he thinks theyre trash, etc. and told me theyre waiting somwhere sitting near their car. I started walking toward them with wepaons on me and the cab driver pulled up enar me again and said that they left and thats not them before asking what I was gonna do. I decided to leave since I felt pressure to do that by him and actually knew it was a dumb idea xsince I was already wounded seeying with one eye basically and they might have had weapons as well.

ANyway, this really shows how tough and agressive some ppl can be and how pure agression and strengh can overcome anything. I mean hwo often do u expect someone to get out of a full force perfectly executed rnc and hit you harder than even pro fighters or any trainer ever hit you? Thats why ma trianing imo is only for health and such and to be a street fighter you have to grow up that way. And plus Samoans are beasts, I heard another one put a few white americans in a hospital in this town by my mom who is a nurse, Im thinking it could have been the same guy.

how often do u see people in mma get out of guillotines like that? and how many of u can realistically say u could have knocked him out or dominated him? heck compare the vicousness to such fights to say the house party fight of the ultimate fighter where sucker punches did basically no damage cause those guys fogught fair/nice and without a huge rush of adrenaline and pain/damage nullifications through that. In order to become beast and become a street presence u have to get out there and get ur feet wet and keep doing it over ansd over until you finally beocme good at it, the ring training actually probably made me worse cause I stopped going for groin hits (cause its not allowed or looked down upon in mma) and started relying ons tirking in those encounters rather than the two mvoes in my life I relied on previously for my fights which were the trip/takedown and kick to the gut.

ike I said I am not ready and too soft/frail for this life. I dont have what it takes even if I tried many times to harden myself. I dont have what it takes to attack my enemies form behind or/and with weapons as quickly as possible before their friends join in or I egt caught, I dont have what it takes to hit someone continuously and without giving them a chance to attack back and continue hitting them once they fall, this is why they keep winning against me, and why they ended up messing my car up. I had many chances to get them this way and backed out, I saw one of them alone with some hippy looking ppl who wouldnt fight for him (and only 2 of thema dn oen was a woman) ina cofee shopa nd when I walked by I didnt have what it takes to go in and attack quickly and efficiently. I have to haev an excuse or be really provoked to beocme violent, and even than I often give them a chance to fight bakc or try making it a fair fight and they end up using weapons or friends against me. This is why i can never succed on the streets. The other thing is I dont have enough heart for it, when that smaoan hit me I wasnt knocked out instead of holding my eye all the time while he was taunting me form far away I should have fought him anyway, as long as I was contious I should not have backed off or gave up. Thats what it takes to excel at that life. Thats the diff between alpha males in prison and those who follow their orders.

bottom line is there is no such thing as a fair fight on the streets, if you trye making it a fair fight your opponent will take advantage of that. This is why you have to use weapons or whatever and dont let up until hes down and out. I just wanted tot est myself by fighting one on one fair fights but in all those tries almost never were they one on one or fair.