It’s here! It’s here! The season 3 premiere of the best damn show on television, Hannibal!

I can’t say enough about this phenomenal television series. And, for serious, yinz guys, why aren’t you watching it yet?

I absolutely love Hannibal. It has all the trademarks of a show that I would be totally down with (see also: Twin Peaks, The X-Files, Six Feet Under, American Horror Story)

Weird dreams

Murder

Surrealism

Batshit insane characters

Mad crazy sexual tension

Gore

Pretty people in pretty clothes

Bizarre ways to die!

Amazing guest stars

Mystery

Spooky music

Great sound design

Plus, there is Scully.

And, I want to say that Mads Mikkelsen KILLS IT as Hannibal Lecter. He’s the best. Suck it, Hopkins! #SorryNotSorry

In preparation for today’s big show, I made a Hannibal-themed dish and tucked into season 2’s finale, the epic Mizumono.

So, those are the meats that I bought last weekend.

And yes, oxtails or beef kidney or pig feet (especially the pig feet–heeeeey, Mason Verger!) would have been appropriate, but I decided to go with a dish from my copy of the Playboy’s Host and Bar Book by Thomas Mario (1971 edition).

OK, this may gross you out. Because raw meat. But it’s a good way to introduce steak tartare to those who’ve tasted raw beef!

This doesn’t weird me out because I always taste my meatball mixtures raw to make sure the seasoning is just so AND my Pap Pap was a fan of a Cannibal Sandwich, which I think was just ground beef, salt, and pepper on white bread. And that sounds delicious to me. Is that so wrong?

So, no, I had no qualms about making an uncooked dish.

I couldn’t find a Burgundy, other than big Carlo Rossi jugs, so I went with a Pinot Noir (it was French!). I’m not hating on big Carlo Rossi jugs, because I can make a mean Sangria out of those. But aside from the wine sub, I just halved the recipe and followed it to the T.

I also made my own rye Melba rounds because I had some rye bread in the freezer.

So, here they are. AND THEY ARE DELICIOUS.

Meat? Good. Wine? Good. Capers? Love ’em. Parsley? I grew my own!

Of course, they should be served with a Mason Verger Martini (tears of children optional). Or, perhaps a nice Chianti. (but that should be saved for liver and Fava beans).

I chose a red background, because BLOOD. But my snowflake plate because it’s always snowing. The show is shot in Canada (see also: The X-Files).

I baked some of the meatballs for those of you who may be squeamish or what not.

They were good, but the cooking made them really salty. Raw is the way to go.

Want to see some of the other Hannibal-approved dishes I’ve made? And by Hannibal-approved, I mean anything involving organ meats, check these out:

I asked you, gentle readers, for ideas on what to do with the rest of my pickled ramps, and you gave them to me (thank you!). One of the suggestions–and how the hell did it never occur to me to do this? –was make a COCKTAIL!

So here it is, a Ramp Gibson.

Ramp Gibson

Make a Martini with the Vodka or Gin of your choice

Garnish with a ramp or two.

….and that’s it.

Seriously, a Gibson is nothing more than a Martini with a pickled onion garnish in lieu of an olive or a twist.

This is a very, very, yummy drink. And the ramp is an excellent sub for a regular ol’ cocktail onion because the pickled ramps are slightly sweet.

Mmmmmmmmm. Watch out! These go down easy.

And a word of warning: don’t drink them if you’re planning on making out with someone later. Because you will have some monster ramp breath afterwards.

Making out is not a problem for me right now–in that I am not doing any of that at all.

So I guess I’m saying that making out isa problem for me right now….?

Now, after the jump is an excellent infographic to give you the low down on the ins and outs of the Martini, via FIX.COM

Let the mixture cool and then pour it over the ramps in a jar (I used a cleaned spaghetti sauce jar) and close it. Put the jar in the fridge.

The recipe says that it stays for 2 weeks, but I think we all know that refrigerator pickles can last much longer than that.

These are quite tasty–sweet, tangy–the flavor of the ramps just sits in your chest much like when you eat a spicy pepper (or, I guess, a lot of garlic), but these aint’ spicy. Just very RAMPY.

I’ve been taking little bites out of the jar here and there, but I still can’t think of anything that I really want to do with them. Put them on a sandwich? As a side with a piece of what–chicken? Fish?

Well, even after making that delicious ramp pesto, I still had tons of ramp leaves yet. What to do…what to do…

Why not make a compound butter?

This is soooooo easy. This is all you need:

Ramps

Butter

Lemon zest

Salt

Pepper

Dried thyme

Bring the butter to room temperature and then fold in the remaining ingredients to your taste. Try to get the cleaned ramps as dry as possible because as you fold, they will release liquid.

Place a blob of the butter in parchment or wax paper. Roll into “sticks” (they’re more like logs). Twist the ends of the paper. And freeze!

A little goes a long way since it’s so concentrated. But I’m looking forward to using in a roux for a punchy white sauce (think fettuccine alfredo) and brushing it on chicken or fish and bake/broil. So far I have just used it on a side of pasta (I didn’t want to go full-on pesto), but it was good!

I think it’ll last long, too. Just cut off what you need from a stick and wrap it up and put it back in the freezer. It’ll last until the ramps come back again next year!

And her’s an idea–at the end of the summer, if you have lots of leftover herbs from your garden, this is an excellent way to savor fresh herb flavor all-year round. Waste not want not, kittens!

Like this:

Hello, my little chickadees! It’s been a while, right? Well, with the exception of my recent cocktail posts. I haven’t done actual food as of late.

Not to make excuses (although this is an excuse), but I think I’m still tired from the Mad Men party last month! I’ve been cooking a lot, but getting back onto the computer once I get from home from work is just the last thing I want to do. Plus, since spring has sprung, I’ve been busy cleaning up my teeny-tiny front yard and planting my veggie containers. And I’ve been going out. A lot. We’ve finally thawed and my social life is coming back like a dormant plant.

Speaking of plants…

I was hanging out with Retrofurn Rick when his neighbor Jim (the hubcap Christmas tree guy) pulled up with a giant pillowcase full of something. Imagine the haul that you used to get on a really, really good Halloween–that’s what this pillowcase looked like. But no, this wasn’t candy, it was RAMPS. For those not familiar with this farmers’ market favorite, the ramp (a.k.a. wild leek or spring onion) is a skinny, little, garlicky-oniony bulb that, this time of year, pops up in wooded areas up and down the Appalachians.

I didn’t know that the ramp was a thing until a few years ago. I kept hearing about them and seeing them on restaurant menus and then I finally got a bunch. Well, I was a bit surprised. Who knew that the famous ramp was just the same spring onions that grew rampant (ha!) up and down the banks of the Connoquenessing Creek would sell for over $15/lb!

I wish I could go back, ransack the place, and sell ’em.

Anyway, when Jim dragged the pillowcase up the stairs and said that it was packed with ramps fresh-picked from West Virginia, my eyes lit up. Those are all ramps??? He sent me home with a produce bag full of 2 pounds of ramps. TWO POUNDS.

Well, what to do with them?

My retro cookbooks don’t tackle the ramp, so I had to turn to the interwebz for some inspiration and I decided to do ramps three ways (that’s how many goddamned ramps I had).

Like this:

I said out-loud to absolutely no one when I had the first sip of this Classic Old-Fashioned.

Here’s the skinny:

1 rough-cut brown sugar cube***

2 dashes aromatic bitters

2 ounces rye whiskey

1 thickly cut orange zest twist, using paring knife, not peeler

hand-cut ice cubes***

Place sugar cube in old-fashioned glass. Wet the cube with the aromatic bitters. Singe the orange zest twist by holding it firmly behind a lit match and pinching it to release its natural citrus oils. be careful to spritz the citrus oils into the glass. Place the orange zest twist into the glass; using a muddler or the end of a wooden spoon, press it gently against the sugar cube. Then add the rye whiskey and stir gently. Add a couple large hand-cut ice cubes to the glass; stir gently again. Garnish with another orange zest twist, and seve. It’s restrained, potable elegance in a glass.

Literally. A twist. The, thick, lit-on-a-match twist is what made this drink! I was so shocked by how orangey (that’s a word now) the drink was since I didn’t muddle any actual slices of fruit in it. The orange bitters probably helped as well.

The glass says: “Man’s mind stretched to a new idea, never returns to its original dimension. -Jim”

I stirred it with a beautiful WMF drink spoon, which was also a prize from the Mad Men party.

I love winning things, don’t you?

And now I am going to make another delicious Old-Fashioned.

Because I can. Don Draper would.

***Note: no one will be surprised to know that I didn’t have brown sugar cubes on hand. Nor any hand-cut ice cubes.

I’ve had the biggest girl crush on Ann-Margret ever since I saw Bye Bye Birdie for the first time as a small kid. I wanted to be Ann-Margret. Shit, I still want to be Ann-Margret.

However, as awesome as Bye Bye Birdie is, Viva Las Vegas is my favorite. Because Elvis. And because Ann-Margret does some of the most bizarre choreography ever. And because her character, Rusty, manages to be sans pants for about 80% of the movie. Seriously. Hot pants. Swim suits. Leotards.

Whatever this ensemble is:

NOT. PANTS.

And this:

Tights are not pants, missy.

But anyhoo, in honor of the sauciest of all Swedish-American stars, I bring you a little libation I made up all on my own.

Ann-Margret Cocktail

Lingonberry concentrate (that’s what makes this Swedish)

vodka

cherry bitters

seltzer

Fill stem of a hollow-stemmed champagne flute with lingonberry concentrate.

In an ice-filled shaker, mix 1 jigger vodka with a few dashes of cherry bitters.

Pour the vodka over the back of a spoon to “float” over the berry concentrate. Top with seltzer if desired.

Doesn’t that look cool?

Now I’m just going to share some Ann-Margret album art, because they’re just wackadoo….