Thursday, October 13, 2016

I wish could stop being what so called "baper" in Indonesian. Having overwhelmingly sensitive feeling. You know, wise man said, when you're easily angered, or being too sentimental means you're off balance with yourself. Well, maybe i am. It's just lately i'm not able to face people with their action, or even tolerate the smallest part of sarcasm and stupidity. I just can't. It's way too hard. I want to be alone.

Actually, i do know my source of problem is not accepting the reality i had right now. Which is everything change at workplace. I want them the way it used to be. But, it's impossible and i can not even change my mindset to accept something, and search happiness from that. And in the other side, i can not quit this job, because i have to pay the bills (that's what adult do) and i have to work for that.

But, every single day, everything was being grey. Darker. And, i can not face this changes. I dont know how. And, i think i lose my mentality (not that i become crazy and have to be put in assylum) it's just i need a getaway, but then i know it's not a solution. Because it's just way to drift something apart for a while, and soon it will be hitting you again. HARDER. no. i won't take that option.

So every morning, my thought was like can i wake up a little late? Can i have some coffee and wander and do my favorite stuff - like watch TV, you tube channel or even laughing at stupid stuff with my child? or even do not think or rush about anything? You know? i'm tired of this rushing around life. And sometimes i wander, Life. I do wander, does it have to be like this to be successful? is it what it takes when you sign up agreement to be an adult? is it what it's like to be a grown up? Is this why Peterpan doesn't want to grow up? I don't know. I don't.

And the other question is, can i be just like some people who does their favorite stuff and get money from that? Without having to have this overwhelmingly sensitive feeling about almost anything (which are mostly unimportant and rubbish). Is that kind of life exist? I don't know but i wish i can be that one people :) It must have been very happy, tho.

It's not that i'm not thankful for life has given to me right now. It's just i can not face the situation and feeling pressed from all over the sides, and not even knowing what i want from this.

Oh Life. You are bitter sweet. it's just now i'm biting the bitter more than the sweet.

From Sunday-Tuesday, i will be leaving for Bali for business trip, but it doesn't feel right because i will be 3 days away from Kinanti, and i don't like it. But Momma have to grow up and be an adult, that's why.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

This past few days, i've learned something, that i wish i could share in a proper words. I'd like to but it's unexplainable.

All i know was, patience is virtue. And it's applied in every single thing that you do

Don't let society, some people, person who has higher level than you, defines who you are, because i've just felt it couple days ago. And it wasn't a good experience. You are what you do, not what people thinks you are

Let's see how August rolls. I wish it will be rolled out properly and nice.
Amin.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

These past two days, i've been head over heels with Teza Sumendra (cover) song Hotline Bling by Drake. Since i (accidentally) watch his live performance on Kuningan City last Sunday. My opinion was, it's a better version of Drake, far much better. And i can't stop listening to this song for 2 days non stop. It's lebay but i like it.

It makes your mind & heart dance. And body too, of course :)
Here i attached, if you want to dance too!

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

There comes a day when you just want to cuddle in your blanket and refuse to do some activities. When you just want to listen to your comfort songs and reminiscing the day you were young and all these (not all, tho) responsibilities is a million miles away.

And, that's the day even when your coffee needs coffee.

Being left in wander, and insecurities isn't quite a good mix.And i don't feel okay with that.

In the end, i talked to myself, that i don't wanna be such mother or person. It's as simple as respecting other person with their own choices, because there will always be stories behind that. No no, ini bukan pembenaran atas semua pilihan yang gw lakukan. Tapi memang ada alasan di balik itu semua. I know, judgement won't stop. But, i think, we can start from ourselves to think, that motherhood isn't supposed to be like this. It supposed to be judgement free and literally help other women. So there will be no women who will feel like "ibu gagal" hanya karena soal berat badan anaknya kurang. And in the end, i think we should manage the tone & manner to talk to other women when it comes to motherhood :)

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Lemme' update to you, that my maid is leaving me (all of sudden) and it broke my heart totally :( i feel so sad - reminiscing to old days when i had heartbroken moments, those feelings kind of the same. Seriously, no joke. But, as a grown up adolescence, i am just gonna face it like a grown up should be :(

Enough of that.
Just want to share some stories, that actually makes us more human in workplace.
Sometimes, when we work or surrounded by workload, we are very stressed, tensed, and you name it lah. And, sometimes we (or me) forget what it's like to be a human.
We are going mad, being bit snob, and i don't think it's good to be named. And i think, we need to have sometimes (beside lunch break) that makes us realize that working doesn't always have to be very tensed. Just like today, i had conversation with someone, i never chat with, about her lipstick. I admire the colour and i said it directly to her, and it end up like we talked about women has never had enough of make up. Which like totally true. And it makes me happy. And i encourage her to use red lipstick on friday! haha let's see about that.

Sometimes, it takes one or two steps out of the box and being human again.
and i think, i will always remind my self how to be human at work.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Lately, i was really tired, and feel like laid back.
But, being not present in office for 2 days, and suddenly today made a comeback, and receiving more or less 50 emails, which was mostly request, make me behaving badly (and, i dont like it honestly).

James Ingram and Michael Bolton might save me from this pretentious mood, hopefully.