Our society is in a complete muddle about sex

'The pill seems to be the medically miraculous answer to the fear of an unwanted baby' (PA)

And this confusion is rooted in the arrival of the Pill in the early 1960s

A friend has just visited me and related the following story, told to her by her 13-year old daughter. It seems that her daughter has a friend of the same age, whose mother, happily married and in her early 40s with two children, found she was pregnant again by accident. She was very upset, her husband was appalled and the whole family agreed she would have to have an abortion. She had actually booked herself in to a clinic and was going for her appointment when she saw a group of people praying outside. She left in tears, went home, cancelled the abortion, had the baby – a little boy – and the family changed its attitude overnight, from fear and rejection to acceptance and happiness.

I mention this story because it reflects the whole culture of abortion today; stable married women in early middle age are as likely to resort to it as teenage girls. Listening to it, I was also taken aback at the way a 13-year-old girl thought abortion the best, indeed the only option for her mother. It struck me that this all stems from a contraceptive outlook, brought about by the advent of the Pill in the early 1960s; it seemed to be the medically miraculous answer to the fear of an unwanted baby. If there were accidents, abortion became the obvious solution.

An article in the Sunday Telegraph magazine last week further emphasised this culture, but also showed that the miracle has now become a little threadbare. Written by Sirin Kale, “a 24-year-old Oxbridge-educated student, with bookshelves full of feminist literature and a fair amount of sexual activity behind me”, the article focused on the anxiety some women now feel about the many negative side effects of the Pill, and thus how to have pregnancy-free sex by other methods. It discussed the morning-after pill, the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases, safe sex, how “the availability of abortion has transformed women’s attitudes towards the risk of unwanted pregnancies”, sexual health and so on.

As Madeleine Teahan’s blog about an article in the Guardian on celibacy shows, our society is in a complete muddle about sexual behaviour. On the one hand it is assumed that everyone has the right, almost a duty, to have a sexual relationship (so that you can’t admit openly to being celibate) and on the other there is deep unease about the consequences. The Sunday Telegraph article concludes “The Pill was certainly a game-changer, transforming women’s sex lives forever, yet it has become clear that it raises as many questions as it answers. Today it seems that women feel more confused than ever by the choices they face. What does the future hold for women and contraception? Only time will tell…”

I feel sad for the younger generation, sold a chimera of sexual fulfilment outside the context of marriage, children and the worthwhile self-sacrifices these entail. Georges Bernanos, who I blogged about on Monday, saw friendship with God, the hallmark of sanctity, as the source of true happiness – “this wonderful adventure” he called it. This is the same adventure to which Pope Francis, quoted in the Herald of June 6, calls married men and women: he said married couples should look to how Jesus loves his Church to learn how to be faithful, steadfast and fruitful in their vocation and warned against the alternative: choosing pets and a comfortable lifestyle.

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Comments

Comment Policy

At The Catholic Herald we want our articles to provoke spirited and lively debate. We also want to ensure the discussions hosted on our website are carried out in civil terms.

All commenters are therefore politely asked to ensure that their posts respond directly to points raised in the particular article or by fellow contributors, and that all responses are respectful.

Alan40

The difference between the much-derided 1950s and today is that then there were generally-accepted unwritten rules about sexual behaviour. Those rules were of course not always adhered to, but most people adhered to them, and those who didn’t knew that they were in breach of them.
Today, anything goes, resulting in utter confusion and much unhappiness. The chief culprit, to my mind, is the irresponsible mass media, with their incessant stories about successions of “relationships” being the acceptable norm.

sclerotic

The responsible mass media and Edward VII spring to mind.

Alan40

Do you mean Edward VIII?

Andrew Milhurst

Sex has replaced religion for many. The young supply its most enthusiastic disciples. The rose in full bloom has its attractions. Bare stemmed and sharp-thorned it has few attractions. Botoxed even fewer. Loathsome merchandisers, whose features resemble Hell’s worst, abound.

Cestius

To my mind, feminism must take a fair share of the blame. It did much to undermine marriage and make easy divorce possible, but then feminists cry foul when men refuse to “commit” or expect sexual relationships outside marriage without any consequences. Feminists also cry foul about the “objectification” of women, but again they did so much to undermine marriage and the sanctity of relationships (and some wanted casual relationships when it suited them) that they must be at least partially responsible.

Sara_TMS_again

You wouldn’t be male, by any chance?

MEENA999

“To my mind” above and “to my mind” below (and all over the website), what do you think?

MEENA999

Mae Rose Cottage > Polly Garter > Mrs. Ogmore-Pritchard

“The young supply its most enthusiastic disciples” – they certainly do.
When you say “disciples” you could be thought to be saying that sex is the new religion, rather than it “has replaced religion”.
I don’t think either is true – sex is just something people very much like, it’s “designed” to be like that. It “has its attractions” is an understatement,Jack Black.

Sunday Morning Fervour

Well said!
(I’m a woman, by the way!)

Atilla The Possum

What difference does it make?

Andrew Milhurst

Could you send me your instruction sheet on “How to tie shoelaces” please.

Liturgically Abused

The issue for Catholics is, How could young Catholics possibly go against the culture of contraception? Said another way, What chance (and what resources) do young Catholics have to live differently from society in general? Theoretical answers – such as ‘grace’ – are not what I mean; finding and implementing practical answers/strategies (particularly for parents) are the real issue.

bluesuede

In China the coercive abortion and the infamous one-child policy is carried out with the quick criminalization and severe punishment of women who dare to have more than what is allowed. They must ask permission to conceive and are hauled off to the abortionist or sterilized if they disobey the “law” and even if they associate with someone who dares to break the law. It is so engrained in the people after so many years of abortion propaganda, that most don’t think about it as being any different than having ones tonsils removed.
Many women suffer physically and emotionally though. The old ways in Chinese culture of preferring a male child is still prevalent as evidenced by the fact that females are not often being born, but are the main ones being aborted. It has created some very real unresolved problems.
China Aid website, Jinghong Cai, now a Ph.D. student in the United States, shared her story. Illegally Pregnant: A True Story of Chinese Women.

MIKE

Sex has become a god – idolized in many countries today.
Continence / abstinence is not taught.
So many human beings act like animals, actually worse than animals.

Contraception is a Mortal sin (CCC 2370 & 2399).
Viewing pornography (also a mortal sin -CCC 2396), has become a multi-billions of dollars business.
Billions of cases of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) are reported annually around the world. This is not widely advertised by the public media on an country by country basis, and should be.

Catholics must NEVER tolerate mortal sin.
CCC: ” 1868 Sin is a personal act.
Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
– by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
– by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
– by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
– by protecting evil-doers.”

Since the Magisterium has provided us with the “Catechism of the Catholic Church”, there will be no excuse for ignorance of the literate on their own judgment day.
Eternity = Heaven or Hell.
I’m asking all Catholics to think about – What is your choice based upon your own actions and own free will?
Your eternity judgment includes sins of Omission as well as Commission (CCC 1853).

“Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.
For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” – JESUS Mt 7:13-14.

sclerotic

No.

James M

“And this confusion is rooted in the arrival of the Pill in the early 1960s”

## Not to mention the gutlessness and treachery of the bishops. Our lot, that is. If there is a problem, it is mostly because the bishops did not act as bishops. If the bishops lack courage, how can it be expected of the Faithful ? If the bishops neglect to teach – how can the Faithful be expected to learn ? The hierarchy is worse than useless, positively deadly to the Church, when it doesn’t work properly – the negligence of those higher up endangers the well-being of those lower down

revolting ewe

Feminism and easy divorce are certainly contributors to the current state of things but contraception is probably the single biggest factor because it divorces sex from procreation. These things are all intertwined but the king-pin at the middle of it all is contraception. Nothing else would be feasible options if contraception were not available. When people understand that the nature of things is that sex causes babies (generally speaking) they have to take account of that reality and be responsible for their actions. Contraception has led to a distorted understanding of what sex is all about, which in turn leads to other distorted views such as the acceptance of SSM. People have lost the natural link between sex and babies and now think that sex is synonymous with love (at best) and “romantic love” can be very transitory, often being little more than lust. Lust is a sin in much the same way as gluttony. Yes, of course, we need to eat and we enjoy eating…that’s how the system is designed to work….but if we over indulge the enjoyment of food without regard to the natural purpose of eating, ill health will result. The same applies in sexual matters, but not only physical ill health results but also emotional and social ills.

Thomas Poovathinkal SSP

Bring up the Children in the atmosphere of God’s Word and they will not go the wrong way easily. Regular confession and participating in the Holy Sacrifice make them good children of God. Body chemistry will not be able to dominate them.

OneTimothyThreeFifteen

I don’t think of anything which highlights the problem more than this article posted on the BBC website today:

In the modern world the media plays a very important part in the life of people. It has tremendous capacity to spread ides and ideology.It can builf up people,it can demolish them. Most of the media are secular and encourage the modern thought that sex is mainly for recreation. The Catholic Church is the only organization that teaches and insists on chastity. As this goes against the secular ideology ,media as well as some educated people work against the Church and its teachings on sexual moral ethics. To arrest the trend of moral erosion in the younger generation ,the parents and the parishes must work hard to inculcate human values,spiritual values,independent thinking and a counter cultural attitude in them at appropriate time.