OK, I’ll admit it….grudgingly. I have become addicted to Starbucks Blended Lemon. Every so often, I *really* like to have my $5.00 “venti” lemonade slushie.

To a certain extent, I like messing with the long suffering, exceedingly perky, and slightly patronizing staff by refusing to use the lingo that applies to the sizing of the drinks. “I’ll have a *large* Blended Lemon please.” That really chaps whoever is serving me, which is a a small selfish pleasure for me, and hopefully a way for these people not to take themselves so darn seriously.

Moving on….

Today, before a short road trip to the bustling metropolis of Thamesville we had to stop for refreshing and tasty beverages, of the decadent variety. As my girlfriend, Rose, and I sat in the van waiting for my husband to come back with the aforementioned tasty treats, a fellow pulled into the parking lot, narrowly missing the car parked next to the spot he chose. Stupid drivers make for stupid actions in a parking lot in London…they just go hand in hand.

Mr. Mazda3 gets out of his car, and stares deeply into the depths of the van and swoops his nose into the air. My jaw dropped as I thought, “Who the hell are you???” Rose…bless her…said it out loud. Thus ensued Rose’s commentary of “…if I wasn’t so black, I’d tag his car”. Laughing way too hard, but still wondering who exactly this guy thought he was, I wasn’t about to let the slight go unpunished. I scrambled out of the van to Rose’s loud protests of “I’m gonna tee-eeell!!”.

I guess at this point a brief physical description of myself is somewhat necessary. It’s been said that I am either statuesque or amazonian…regardless, I can be physically intimidating.

As I walked into Starbucks, I saw that Mr. Mazda3 was in line after my beloved husband, which worked out really well. I came in staring at him in a manner that people say is scary…I really couldn’t tell you one way or the other.

Mr. Mazda3 was looking at my blatantly tacky peacock blue-green toenails and suddenly realized that it was one of *those girls* from the van he stared at.

He looked very nervous and uncertain. He tried to smile. He failed…miserably. Methinks he has a complex, and doesn’t like it when he feels uncomfortable around women…particularly ones who have about eight inches of height on him.

I turned my attention to my husband and asked for a couple of additional items just for the heck of it and then…for the benefit of Mr. Mazda3…said that Rose was considering tagging a car out in the lot. Mr. Mazda3 began prancing from foot to foot, glancing out to the parking lot to ensure that no one was molesting his car.

At this point, I do have to say, I felt a momentary flash of pity for the situation that Mr. Mazda3 found himself in….one that I had created. I watched the dilemma flash across his face, “Do I leave and find another Starbucks or do I stay in line?”. It’s really hard not to laugh while watching him struggle with his choices. I scampered back to the van, feeling lighter for stirring the pot for the day.

I’m pleased to say, there *is* hope for Mr. Mazda3…he plucked up his courage and stood his ground, all the while watching his car through the window.

I relayed to Rose what had happened inside. She enjoyed that way too much…but then again, so did I. I know this sounds unusually cruel, to pick on some poor unsuspecting man for no other reason than he annoyed me….BUT….there is always a but, Mr. Mazda3, in my opinion, is attaching a great big bullseye to his back with his behaviour. I have never seen anyone throw their nose into the air like that outside of an over-the-top comedy.

While my husband was waiting for our drinks at the barista station, Mr. Mazda3 came out clutching his coffee.

He peered into his locked and armed car as if checking that my passing by it may have magically removed something from the front seat. He very pointedly put his wallet into his front right hand pocket, and unlocked his car…all the while still looking deep into the van, as if we were going to come out and jack his car.

We didn’t, and the funny thing is…he looked disappointed as he drove away to the not-so-melodious tones of Rose and I guffawing loudly.

I would have to say the lesson is this: You can put your nose in the air if you like….however, when you do that, you open yourself up to having a great big target locked on to you. One day, someone will take aim and blast you.