Hot Mess of the Week- Minneapolis Parking

As promised from my blog post on ‘Sota-Pop!, here’s the Hot Mess that found me during that excursion. If it’s not clear, I’m a suburban mama. Not only do I drive a Chevrolet Suburban, I live in the suburbs of Minneapolis, MN. I frequent Costco and Target donned in 1 of my 5 pairs of Ugg boots. If you’ve been following my blog for a while you may have caught on to the fact that I’m not a great driver. Let us not forget my parking…

Do you want to practice parking? What’s the point? Everywhere you go has valet.- Cher, Clueless

Living in the suburbs, I play it safe while parking Black Beauty (BB) on the far end of buildings. I don’t want any parking lot fender benders. Even more importantly, I don’t want to call my husband aka “Emergency Responder” in the event that we get in a little situation. Needless to say, a day trip to downtown Minneapolis during the Super Bowl 52 weekend was risky.

I invited my mother in law along. There was no way I could tackle this mission alone with 2 toddlers. No way! We conveinently left at nap time to make matters extra smooth (sarcasm). As my 12 month old was crying, I was trying to pay attention to my GPS. My Apple Watch vibrated and I swerved over to my exit. WRONG. Up I drive, into a parking ramp. Excuse me? You’re supposed to be a road leading me to Nicollet Mall! We determine this ramp is too far away from the festivities and we need to exit ASAP.

I shouldn’t even call this a parking ramp. More like LABYRINTH as my MIL declared it! No joke, this structure was designed to be puzzling. It takes so long to find the exit it racks up your time hence charging you more. Can you say conspiracy?! Exit to the right…AKA take another few loops around. Finally we emerge. Determined to find closer, affordable parking we trudge on.

Through my dirty windshield, pedestrians and clustered autos, we see a sign for ‘$7 PARKING’. Figuring this is the best we can get for Super Bowl 52 event parking, I enter through the thick automatic doors. My palms start to sweat as it looks dangerously tight for BB to wiggle through. We creep along the curvy ramp to see vehicles parked like sardines. SMH. It’s a valet ramp. $7 was for the first 30 minutes.

Actual footage from the valet ramp

We decide to take our chances and look for more affordable parking. Yet, we felt a “hot mess” creeping so we snapped this photo evidence before fleeing as fast as my huge SUV could go. (Slowly…)

Naps and lunch time knocking on my toddlers patience, we try the next closest ramp. Not kidding guys, VALET PARKING. Maybe you’re thinking, “Hilary, you’re bad at parking, valet was made for you!” Well, sure, but I also like to save money for press on manicures, Starbucks and someone else to clean my truck. *winks*

With no more wiggle room on the clock, I agreed for valet. I think for a second, “what are these dudes going to think of my stinky mom-mobile? Ah, screw it. That’s what tips are for!

We make it to ‘Sota-Pop. Above is a lovely photo of Peach eating some strange Dorito crumbs off a window sill. #HOTMESS. These fiascos were worth it for our fun photo-ops. Memories to last a lifetime, friends.

Before we get back in the truck I ask Peach if she has to pee. “Yes”. Phew we’re gonna make it! I find an employee and they tell me “no toilets. Go out on 6th and blah blah blah”. Dude, seriously. You’re gonna say no to this 2 year old?! Gah! I say a little prayer that we make it home knowing darn well I doubt we can. To complete the Hot Mess, she pees on the way home. *tear*. At that point, my MIL suggests a car potty. WHAT?! How do I seriously not have a car potty?! #momfail.

Another adventure, another hot mess. Nothing stops me! Or these darn hot messes from our fun.