We return to Luann’s brunch, where Dorinda is in the midst of storming out after her epic meltdown over Sonja’s nutjob-iness. Luann is pleading with Dorinda to cut Sonja some slack (since she’s a nutjob) but Dorinda is having none of it; Ramona is pleading with Sonja to apologize to Dorinda but Sonja–as usual–refuses to take any responsibility for her part in this mess.

Dorinda gets in a last dig at Sonja, throwing out that if Richard were alive, he would still love and respect her, whereas Sonja threw her marriage away by cheating on her husband. Sonja denies she would have ever jeopardized her “beautiful marriage” like that, but Luann seems to confirm that Sonja’s fooling around in the South of France was indeed the reason for her divorce. I don’t doubt it–Sonja seems to have a hard time staying away from the D.

As Ramona and a still-hysterical Dorinda drive away, Ramona gets down to the real problem here: she is having a dinner that night–seated! with one table!–and two of her guests may never speak to each other again. What is she going to do??! Ramona has some nerve. It’s a good thing she made that comment in a talking head, because since Dorinda was offended by the audacity of Sonja’s narcissism, hearing the audacity of Ramona’s narcissism might have sent her completely over the edge.

Over in Bridgehampton, Bethenny is showing Carole and Tinsley her new investment property. It’s an 8-bedroom, 6-bath property with an unfinished attic and therefore tons of potential. It’s also one of the few historic properties left in the Hamptons, because people keep knocking down older houses to build McMansions. Here is where there is a regional disconnect because, where I live, an 8-bedroom, 6-bath house IS a McMansion.

While the three of them are outside admiring the pool, Carole calls Dorinda in response to her distraught text. Naturally Carole, being a widow herself, sympathizes with Dorinda in the brunch debacle, while Bethenny, having been through the world’s nastiest divorce, can see Sonja’s point of view. Dorinda thinks divorce is a choice, while death is a tragedy. I’m not sure it’s that black and white–who’s to say what constitutes a tragedy in someone else’s life?

Ramona is discussing her investment philosophy with Dorinda as they get ready for the dinner party. She would rather have her money in a SOUTH of the highway Hamptons house that she can use and enjoy rather than in the stock market where it just sits there. Her house has appreciated seven times over and she can periodically rent it out tax-free. This actually makes sense. Ramona is so crazy, I forget she’s a business woman who has done pretty well for herself. Ramona likes to comment on her own success, which is kind of annoying, but she tempers that by pointing out that she came from nothing and built everything she has on her own. (With a little help from Mario, I’m sure). I loved that about Heather (holla!), too. It’s much better than Sonja pretending she was to the manor born all the time.

Everyone arrives, and as Bethenny points out, they all look ridiculous. Carole is the worst offender with her “fashion moment” tattoo body suit, but Bethenny, Bethenny’s boyfriend Dennis, Luann and Ramona are all tarted up like they’re on their way to a poor man’s Carnivale. And Tinsley is wearing yet another oversized bow.

Sonja and Ramona immediately get into it because Sonja is miffed Ramona didn’t stick up for her at Luann’s brunch. Tinsley hears their raised voices and wants to stay away from the fray, but Dorinda channels the “Meddler” and tells her she should jump in there with them. Before she can, Ramona calls everyone to the table, where it’s about to go down.

Carole is confused because she thought this was supposed to be a party celebrating her marathon run, but there it is just a family-style buffet with no marathon memorabilia. “Marathon memorabilia”-huh? What is she expecting? Ramona gives a nice toast congratulating Carole on her achievement, and that should be enough for Princess Radziwill.

Luann, not realizing that Bethenny’s date is the “married man” she accused Bethenny of dating at the last reunion, tries to make polite small talk by asking how he and Bethenny met. An awkward moment ensues when everyone informs her that this is in fact THE Dennis, but the Countess recovers nicely, even, at Bethenny’s shrewish prompting, apologizing to him for her reunion comments. I remember a time when this little exchange would have devolved into a Berkshires-style throwdown, but in this case everyone lets is go and all–surprisingly–is well.

Sonja is mad that she is relegated to the corner of the table when Dorinda, who she thinks started the brouhaha at the brunch, is “right in the middle” of the table. Not true–Dorinda is at the other end of the table, in the same seat Sonja is, but on the opposite side. Sonja starts babbling about Rocco to her “Hamptons friends,” and somehow Dorinda hears her from her end of the table, hollers that Sonja is not dating Rocco and calls her a “liar, liar, ho on fire.” Dorinda is obviously getting into the wine, and that can only bode well for the evening. Clip, clip.

Sonja fires back that she IS dating Rocco and she’s not a liar. This is Tinsley’s cue to ask Sonja why she’s been going around town lying about her and her finances. Sonja maintains that she’s not lying about Tinsley, and her money is coming from somewhere–her boyfriend, her “mommy” –but not from Tinsley herself. She doesn’t believe Tinsley paid for the infamous gift card or anything else in her life, prompting Tinsley to jump up and yell at Sonja to close her mouth and close her legs. Good advice.

Tinsley writes out a check to pay Sonja back for her room and board, but Sonja doesn’t want her money–she wants her love. Huh? Then maybe Sonja shouldn’t be telling Page Six that Tinsley is basically a high-class escort. She tries to return the check to Tinsley but Tinsley throws it back at her. Bethenny intercepts it and burns it over one of the candles on the table, thus ending that little bit of drama.

The caterers come out with a cake for Carole, and everyone congratulates her once again on the marathon.

Still unsatisfied, Carole gives Ramona’s attempt at a “themed” marathon party an F. How gracious. Where did Carole get the idea this was supposed to be a theme party anyway? What’s wrong with getting friends together for a nice dinner in your honor? Obviously they threw better parties at ABC News when Carole worked there. Because she used to work at ABC News. In case you didn’t know.

The next morning, Dorinda and Ramona are having some hair of the dog while Ramona shows a nice text she received from, of all people, John Mahdessian. She asks Dorinda about the state of her and John’s relationship, and what Dorinda says without really saying it is that she has outgrown John. Interesting. And finally!

Ramona may have gotten a nice text from John, but she’s gotten a nasty text from her former BFF Sonja.

It’s basically a verbose rehash of everything she said to Ramona at the party last night that ends with her calling Ramona an “unfeeling POS.” Neither Ramona nor Dorinda know what is going on with Sonja, but they’re both over her behavior.

As is Tinsley, who is rehashing the previous night with Carole over at the Topping Rose. The Sonja she used to know was fun and light-hearted, but the Sonja of today just seems dark and depressed. Everyone pretty much agrees that Sonja is, in Bethenny’s word, “imploding.” She’s actually been imploding for about 4 seasons now, but where she used to be merely pathetic, she’s now becoming pathetic and mean.

Tinsley and Carole hit up the bartender for place cards for yet another brunch–will these women never learn? (And of course the bartender at the fancy Topping Rose has a supply of place cards on hand.) They relegate Sonja to the end of the table again, far away from Tinsley and Dorinda, and place her across from Ramona, with whom they think she is still on good terms–they don’t know about the text yet. Ramona is not pleased with the placement and concocts a scheme to relocate to the other end of the table without making it seem she’s deliberately removing herself from Sonja’s presence.

She pretends to consult Dorinda and Tinsley about a decorating project, while at the other end of the table Sonja is complaining about Ramona to Carole. She babbles about being the fun one at all the parties and then having to go home and be in the trenches. No one knows what she’s talking about and they all tell her she’s losing the “fun.” Ramona yells down the table that Sonja needs to learn how to listen, but before it can descend into yet another screaming altercation, the Countess steps in and asks for the check. With that, another delightful Housewives brunch is in the can.