Monday, 27 December 2010

The 2010 RoxxU Awards

It's that time of year again. Yes, it is the time of the year when the poker equivalent of the Oscars are awarded.

If you don't have a RoxxU trophy on your mantelpiece then you haven't made it in poker.

The winners of the prestigious RoxxU Awards are decided by a voting panel made up of the very best poker players and poker media personnel in the world. These are the only fair and unrigged poker awards in the world.

And the winner is.... *drumroll*.... The Micros! Krantz and JimmyLegs have produced a masterpiece, a hilarious animated poker series. Check it out on youtube.

Worst Poker TV Show

The clear winner in the voting was Face The Ace. Seriously? Bobby from The Soppranos presenting a show where the biggest douchebags in the world are contestants playing against "pros" that haven't won at poker in over a decade?

What a fucking surprise that it turned out to be the worst show of the year. Even super hot Megan Abreigo couldn't save this show from being an epic fail. Still, every cloud has a silver lining, depsite the epic failure of the show they are now the proud owners of a nice shiny RoxxU trophy. Congrats guys.

Poker Player Of The Year

Our panel of judges took into account a number of factors including number of fools pwned, number of blog hits and number of fanboys, fangirls and railtards.

The clear winner of this impartial vote was Daleroxxu.

Upon learning of the award Daleroxxu had this to say "I am extremely proud to be voted Player Of The Year for 2010 by the panel of elite poker players and the poker media. I've tried to set a good example this year to all the lesser poker players out there, to give them inspiration and the hope that one day they could be as awesome as me."

Most Rigged Poker Awards

There are a lot of rigged poker awards out there, which is why the RoxxU's are considered the only fair awards in the poker industry. This year's Most Rigged Poker Awards award goes to Bluff Magazine for their extremely rigged Reader's Choice Awards. These guys make it seem as if they have a fair vote by their readers, while tactically snubbing certain sites and individuals from their rigged nominations that would otherwise be clear winners of their awards.

Examples:

Favorite Poker Blog - No nomination for The Best Poker Blog In The World - Daleroxxu's Blogaments. Instead they list 5 boring ass blogs where each blogger writes an essay on each dry subject that nobody gives a fackin shat about, surrounded by shitloads of flashing banner ads for every sketchy poker site and shady rakeback affiliate. Not even a single fanboy video in sight. What a joke!

Favorite Web-based Poker Show - No nomination for the guys at Poker Static who are delivering the best poker media content out there at the moment, including interviews with the best players in the world, strategy segments and awesome podcasts. Rigged!

Funniest Poker Twitterer - Ok for a start it's "Tweeter" not "Twitterer" and what's this, no nomination for @DougLeePoker? Either these guys at bluff have no sense of humor or they have rigged it to make sure that @DoyleBrunson and his dumb blonde jokes wins the award yet again.

Congratulations Bluff, you truly are the Most Rigged Poker Awards of 2010. Enjoy the RoxxU.

He's the ultimate SNG grinder, and if you don't grind as hard as him you're a fucking loser (and it's his job to make sure that you know it). Follow him on Twitter? You're a sheep! Follow his blog? Get a life sheep! Member of his training site? Fucking Sheep! Mad Poker is your favorite show? Baaaaaaaahhhh

Congratulations Nick, it takes a true attention whore to have 3 threads about himself on the front page of NVG, BBV and MTTc, and that's the kind of talent that wins you a RoxxU.

I Can't Believe It's Not Botter

This is the award that is given to the person that our panel of judges just can't believe it isn't a bot. 2p2's Kevmath was a favorite for the award when nominations were first announced, but he has since been revealed to be human in this video.

This years award goes to rs03rs03 on PokerStars, because if you're 100+ tabling the $1 DoN SNGs for 25 hours per day, every day, then we just can't believe that you're not a bot. PokerStars bot expert Jeff used every tool and technique available and said there's no sign of bot activity on that account. People still didn't believe that he's not a bot. PokerStars sent someone round to the guys house to observe him while he played, and determined that he's not a bot.

People STILL didn't believe that he's not a bot. Congratulations rs03rs03, you can include the I can't Believe It's Not Botter Roxxu Award as one of your major accomplishments of 2010, alongside being the biggest loser in the history of $1 SNGs.

With so many shitty poker blogs out there, leave it to the best in the world to set an example of excellence.

Daleroxxu had this to say "Thanks to the impartial panel of Judges for voting Daleroxxu's Blogaments the Best Poker Blog, but the real thanks has to go to my loyal followers, you know - you fanboys out there that love me and love my blog, I couldn't have won this award without you. Remember to check out my blog site for my world tour over at www.tourofcards.com".

These guys have interviewed the hottest players in the game over 2010, and have always kept it entertaining whilst asking the questions and talking about the subjects that we all want to hear about.

Congrats!

Lardass Poker Player Of The Year

The award for poker lardass looked set to go to Eskimo Clark for the 10th year running but he was excluded from the nominations this time around after I became aware that his 2009 RoxxU trophy was listed on ebay, apparently by someone who found it in a dingy downtown Las Vegas pawn shop. Fuck you Eskimo, don't you dare disrespect the RoxxUs and the game of poker by pawning off your silverware for a couple of buyins to the 1/2 NL game at the Orleans.

With Eskimo out of the running the votes flooded in for The Coach from Kentuky. The coach hasn't finished ahead in a game of poker since the 70's, and this has sent him on a 40-year comfort eating KFC binge, to the point that we see him today. A true ambassador for his country, he wins the 2010 RoxxU for Lardass Poker Player Of The Year.

I really hadn't prepared an acceptance speech for my award, but here goes..... I have to thank my parents for instilling a great sense of hatred and spite for all foriegners, especially Scottish Poker Pros. I would like to thank the folks at PokerKY.com and the Geeks on Poker radio show for caving to my threats and giving me an outlet for my spite and rage. I have to thank the makers of Coors Light and the Kentucky Pork Producers for giving me my legendary physique. And finally I have to thank God for making me the greatest thing to happen to Kentucky Poker in the past decade. God bless, Happy New Year, drive safe and remember to tip your waitress!