Yeah, so Marvel is making Thor. Kenneth Branagh is directing. Chris Hemsworth is the lead. And now Natalie Portman has been tapped (hee hee!) as the female lead. Yay, Norse Gods of Thunder looove cerebral New York hipster chicks!

Natalie Portman is starring as Jane Foster, the Thunder God’s love interest. In the original comics the character was a nurse who worked for Dr. Donald Blake, a regular old cripple who sometimes turned into Thor. [CHUD]

[From Marvel’s press release] Marvel Studios expands its film universe with a new type of superhero: THOR. This epic adventure spans the Marvel Universe; from present day Earth to the realm of Asgard. At the center of the story is The Mighty Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans as punishment. Once here, Thor learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth.

Huh, sounds kinda like the Bible, or Transformers. Meanwhile Kenneth Branagh previously directed As You Like It, Hamlet, and Much Ado About Nothing, and if Natalie Portman doesn’t mention Shakespeare during the press tour I’ll eat my own sh-t.

BTW, I really don’t know what to say about this movie. As a comic, Thor sucks some pretty shitty ass. What I was never able to understand is how Marvel could make the mythology surrounding the god characters so dull and shallow.

The only even remotely interesting take I have seen on Odin/Thor/Loki was in Vertigo’s Sandman, and even at that Thor was still a big fucking useless dunce.

07.13.09 at 3:28 pm

Fek'lhr

Tit bit nipply in that room…

07.13.09 at 3:29 pm

iwontrememberthis

Inside joke? Isn’t it outside?

Speaking of which, I’ll let myself out.

07.13.09 at 3:29 pm

Donkey Hodey

What the banner pic doesn’t show you is that Hillary’s dick is erect.

07.13.09 at 3:41 pm

Rock Strongo

When i put on my bicycle shorts, I’ve left the modern world for the realm of Ass-gard

Its ok, I’ll be in the corner

07.13.09 at 3:42 pm

Crapbasket

Why does Hillary have a Band-Aid for black people stuck to her jacket?

07.13.09 at 3:43 pm

Crapbasket

Photo taken 2.37 seconds after Natalie told Hillary that yes, she too, had taken Bill’s dick inside of her.

07.13.09 at 3:46 pm

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm

Even Loki would looky at those fun bags.

07.13.09 at 3:46 pm

nominus

I’m just so happy that Hillary thought she was breaking down the stereotypical walls defining what women can do, and in the end, she winds up being a secretary.

07.13.09 at 3:48 pm

iwontrememberthis

Looking at the banner pic is like doing long division for my junk.

07.13.09 at 3:48 pm

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm

Bra…nagh

That’s what Natalie said when she got ready to go to this photo shoot.

07.13.09 at 3:49 pm

Crapbasket

Jeeeesus fucking a duck! You just know Nats is knuckle deep in Hill’s mudhole. Look at it! LOOK AT IIIIT!!

07.13.09 at 3:53 pm

Crapbasket

I have the Natalie as Queen Amidala Real Doll. The make up always rubs off around my junk and makes it look like I got mouth raped by Roland McDonald.

07.13.09 at 3:53 pm

First Class Male

Whatever you do, do not look to the left while you jack it….do not look to the left while you jack it…do not look to the OH!…OHHH!

If anyone needs me, I’ll be jumping off the Walt Whitman bridge.

07.13.09 at 3:55 pm

Crapbasket

Moby looked at this picture and got his first erection in 3 years.

07.13.09 at 3:59 pm

Patty Boots

I’d rather see a comic book author interpret Shakespeare. Hamlet would be way more awesome if the characters had laser beam eyes and metal claws.

And if we’re going to get a movie with Norse mythology, why can’t it be American Gods? Best use of Norse mythology ever.

07.13.09 at 4:02 pm

ChinoMoreno

Hillary’s nipples are just as hard, you just can’t see them because they are pointing at her comfortable shoes.

07.13.09 at 4:02 pm

JohnnyAwesome

Natalie Portman hasn’t been hot since her supple ass was in The Professional.

07.13.09 at 4:03 pm

Marty McBrundlefly

I kind of hope Chris Hemsworth has a lisp and his pick up line is, “I’m going to fuck you until I’m thore/Thor.”

When shown this photo, I did the “fire starter” on my dick for like, 30, 40 seconds.

07.13.09 at 4:44 pm

Burnsy

But how will this compare to I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell?

07.13.09 at 4:50 pm

Crapbasket

[Writes Ryan Reynolds on “Kill soon;” list]

I understand.
Re PD: I think it went down like this;
Hey ABC bossman! Did you know that we have a creative, subversively funny, endearing, critically acclaimed, refreshingly non sterotypical intelligence insulting pile of drivel series that’s doing good in the ratings?
ABC bossman: Fuck that shit! Cancel it immediately and run a repeat of Deal or No Deal!

07.13.09 at 4:58 pm

Fek'lhr

Lince, if we don’t get a new post soon, He is going to spam ur site wif gamr talk and tell fnniez story bout suprise dorf lolwhut!

07.13.09 at 5:19 pm

ChinoMoreno

Natalie’s nipples seem to follow me wherever I go. It’s uncanny. Or would that be canny??

07.13.09 at 5:30 pm

ChinoMoreno

Leon looks at banner pic…

“This is for…Matilda”

*opens coat, SCHWING!!!*

07.13.09 at 5:32 pm

Lester Hayes Mayes

Hillary = Natalie + Sara Lee

07.13.09 at 6:17 pm

Guy Who Looks Like a Durst

Natalie has just shown Hilary her magical Portmanteau.

07.13.09 at 6:19 pm

Oski

That’s the face you make when you are using every ounce of strength to not look at a girl’s hard nips.