Too often, I find myself in the craziest situations that seem too funny to be true, yet too impossible to make up! This blog is dedicated to my exploits & all things fabulous. Enjoy!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Ooops! I Did It Again!

Ok, so I was dating this guy years ago. We’d been seeing each other for a few months exclusively. He lived about 30 miles from my house so to be fair we’d trade off on whose house we’d spend time at. This one particular weekend he was off Friday & Saturday so he came down to my house to stay with me. He had to work Sunday morning so he brought his work clothes with him so that he could get up Sunday morning, get dressed, and head to work.

Saturday night/Sunday morning we were in the bed knocked out. I was in that serious REM when I hear “OH SHIT.” I woke up startled. “What’s wrong?” I asked. He didn’t say anything. My heart was beating fast. I fumbled for the light on the nightstand. I looked over and he was just sitting up in the bed. “What’s wrong?” I asked again. “I peed in your bed.” he said. I’m thinking I know I didn’t hear that right. “What?” I asked. By now I’m FULLY awake. “I peed in your bed!” he repeated. “Well GET UP!” I shouted. I was a little irritated by him being so casual about having just urinated in my bed! I sprung to my feet & snatched back the sheets. Sure enough his pants were saturated and so were my sheets! He slowly got up and walked to the bathroom. I was tired and didn’t appreciate being awakened by someone yelling “OH SHIT!” But I took into consideration that he was probably VERY embarrassed and I didn’t want to treat him like a leper. I told him it was ok, these things happen sometimes. I remember even telling him about the time that I had a “pee dream”. I had this dream that I was at The White House and needed to use the bathroom. I remember walking down all these confusing hallways until I found this grand lavatory with golden sinks & toilets. I sat down to pee and the warmth is actually what woke me up. Of course I was a 9 year old girl when this happened, not a 27 year old man. But I digress. I pulled the wet sheets & the soaked egg crate off the bed. I rolled up the crate & stuffed it into the kitchen trash. That crate actually saved my mattress. I put on some fresh sheets and after he was all cleaned up, we got back in the bed & went back to sleep.

Fast forward to a few weeks later. SAME scenario. We’re asleep again at my place. It’s late night/early morning. I’m KNOCKED out. And I hear “Not again!” I woke up and he says, “I peed in your bed again.” This time supportive Christine was not in the building. “WTF is wrong with you!” I yelled. It was the 1st thing that came out of my mouth. I’d gone to Target a few days before to get a new egg crate & they didn’t have queen size so this time the only thing between his wet pants & my mattress was a soaked sheet. I was FURIOUS. Once again, I snatched the sheets off and he just stood there watching me as I scrubbed the mattress with a sponge & Pine-Sol in my yellow rubber gloves. I couldn’t believe that I had been awakened out of my slumber AGAIN because this grown man couldn’t control his fluid intake before bed and I’m having to flip my mattress over at 3:00 in the morning. I asked him if this had ever happened to him before and he swore that it hadn’t. I actually Googled “adult bed wetting” to see if I could make some sense of this. The search results said he either had a prostate issue or some psychological issue or he just needed to stop drinking beverages before bed. Whatever the case was, it was a huge turn off. I didn’t give him a 3rd chance to pee in my bed. We ended pretty soon thereafter.

Hey Fox, I bet you didnt spend too many nights at his spot, you would have pick up the odor coming from his mattress. I'm sure these two are not the only occasions this has happened. I would have flip the first time... Game Over