Four engineers are riding in a car when it stalls. The mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. The electrical engineer says it's a bad spark. The chemical engineer offers that it was caused by a poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but says, "If we get out of the car and get back in again, it may start."

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00 His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money? Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house. The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

What do Frisbeetarians think about death and the afterlife? After death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Ole took the shell off of his racing snail to make it go faster, but it just made it sluggish.

American Airlines just apologized to a concert musician for preventing her from bringing her violin on board as a carry-on.Next time she will be allowed, with no strings attached.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.

Two farmers are standing in a field discussing their work. "I'm having issues with my flock of cows," the first farmer admits. "Herd of cows," the second farmer corrects his friend. "Of course I've heard of cows," the first farmer barks, "I've got a whole flock of them!"

Bob and Earl are fishing...almost silently, so as not to scare the fish , Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'Earl continues slowly sipping his beer , then thoughtfully says , 'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'