OPEN TO YOGA – an inquiry by Carolyn Anne Budgell

on my way to oneness – it’s in the devotion

November 2, 2012

“Nowadays people speak of ‘love, love.’ What is it? True love is devotion to the Divine. Such devotion is when we have such longing and care for the Divine as we have for our own body.” Krishnamacharya

ALL OF THE TIME is a time to reflect upon this surreal existence. I am awed that: I have lived in the forest. I have shared space with friends during precious aha moments. My body has shifted shape. I have observed nature’s destructive forces. I feel the infinite possibilities of my intellect, my intuition and of yours.

The observer in me continues to show up and question: How can I stay grounded while receiving and transmitting all these blessings, this stormy life?

Devotion. Only recently, humility struck when I began incessantly honouring my teachers. By devoting my thoughts and words for all the teachers in my life and my experiences with them, I drink in a quiet haze. I speak honestly about the simple things, the simple beauty I am lucky to be immersed in. I have energy for those around me. I have energy to absorb the teachings.

It’s true that I can only rely upon myself to practice the teachings in a dedicated way but, THANK GOD for all our teachers.

Every step I take is in devotion. I think time and time again of all the people who have taught me how to break down, how to laugh, how to stand up for myself. I continually remember those who have pushed me away, those who have scared me, those who have tortured me. Because through them, I discovered the immense power I have over myself. I have the power to perceive stories and imaginary tales and it is my responsibility to powerfully grow and change. I am devoted to transformation. I am devoted to impermanence.

The word teacher reminds me of the Guru. Kumare is an emotional tale of cynicism and experimentation (2 things close to my heart). In this documentary, Vikram Gandhi breaks through barriers of idolatry only to realize that finding a Guru can be akin to finding a dear friend, finding a confidante, finding someone to help you heal and vice versa. My reverence is to all my Gurus and if they fail me (as Kumare inevitably does, to his followers), then I move forward with the lessons. I move forward independently yet supported by so many. I’m finally learning to allow myself to be held. Not in competition with, not from a place of weakness or aggression, but held from a place of awe and unknowing.

I am devoted to who you are. You are my Guru. You are my Student.

I have offerings as a Teacher, but I prefer to take in your experiences, your emotions, your path of unfolding and hold you with me as I move forward. The blessings in my life are you: the stories you share, your commitment to this practice, the times I feel wronged by you, the thoughtful gifts you bestow, the tea we enjoy in silence, the smile you beam from across the room.

It’s all you. I am devoted to holding you with me and I cannot help but embody you in my daily life and offer all of you through me as I walk this earth.

“A guru is considered important in most Eastern philosophies; in yoga, too, a guru is important – to impart knowledge, to guide with clarity, and to inspire conviction by presence and conduct. But yoga relies solely on the effort of an individual to bring about spiritual transformation, opening that spiritual power or progress comes only from transformation of the mind; it is something only we can do for ourselves.” Krishnamacharya.