It’s Not Hard For Me

Or maybe I should say it’s not as hard for me as I thought it would be. Leaving the feed store, that is. It was such a huge part of our lives but for such a short time. When I walk in now, I see the potential again. I see the growth and the changes.

I remember our time there fondly and with great warmth. The people we met are really what made that time the most special for our family. Many of the people we met are still part of our lives and for that, we are deeply grateful.

I was telling my sweet husband that I haven’t been as sad about the end to our feed store adventure as I thought I would be. It has been a blessing to be home with our precious kids. We’re keeping up with our school work and enjoying our farm. I am thankful for such a smooth transition.

So tonight, as I was working on the blog, I didn’t expect the wave of emotion as I came across some pictures I used for posts for the feed store. It hit me pretty hard and I looked slowly through the pictures. We didn’t quite make a year there, and I spent a short time thinking of all the things that could have been different.

But as I looked at all the images I put together and thought back on the hours I spent working at the feed store during the day and on the feed store once I was home and preparing marketing strategies and orders and more, I took a deep breath. I gave it my all. I worked hard. It’s not easy for me to tell myself nice things sometimes. Hindsight always has a certain clarity that only comes after having walked through something. Sure, I know now that I could have done many things differently – maybe it wouldn’t have been “better” than the way I did, but it would have been different.

In the end, though, I didn’t feel like I could reasonably have both my homeschooling 5 kids goal and the feed store. One suffered. It alternated often which one was being let go for the day, or even the hour. But one always suffered.

I let the wave of emotions come and I let them go. I tried hard. I had fun. I learned so much. I’m better because of this adventure. I also made a choice, and I know in 10 years, I won’t shake my head at the younger me and wonder why I chose the kids.

Tomorrow, I will go back to my precious son and tell him it’s not as hard for me as I thought it would be. (He asked me some tough questions when we first transitioned out of the store. Read about it here.) I am overjoyed that the feed store lives on, and I am glad that someone stepped in that could do with it what I wasn’t able to. I love to see small businesses thrive and I pray for her success in both her first store and her second store. And I am grateful that I had the opportunity for so many lessons and memories from our short time at a little feed store in a small town.