Mom to Jenny McCarthy: You’re Wrong About Vaccines And Autism

Dear Mr. Manners: Yesterday at a barbeque with some other parents — all of us have newborns — one of the other moms said suddenly that she didn’t plan to vaccinate her little one. Why? Like Jenny McCarthy, she thinks vaccines lead to autism. Politely, I told her she was wrong and shouldn’t be passing along misinformation like that. When we got home my husband told me I had been rude and I should have either said nothing or taken her aside and talked with her privately. Do you agree with him? ~J.F., Sarasota, FL

A: No, I don’t side with your husband — but before I explain why let me highlight some of the many comments your question garnered when I posted it on my Facebook page. First, a few supported the anti-vaccination mother, as shown in this post:

“Telling ANYONE (especially a mother) that they’re “wrong” is flat-out RUDE and highly offensive. My question is, did the pro-vaccine mother actually CARE about having a sensitive, open, and KIND conversation with the anti-vaccine mom, or did she just want to be RIGHT? Don’t profess to care about my child’s healthy in ANY capacity unless you can climb down off your high horse and approach me with compassion instead of disdain and contempt.”

The majority of commenters, however, supported your position for varying reasons:

“The question is whether it was ok for anti-vaccine mom to speak her opinion publicly but not ok for pro-vaccine mom to speak hers publicly. In addition, anti-vaccine mom was obviously inciting debate.”

“In this case, where there were other parents with newborns present – I think it was important to counter false medical information openly, where the other parents could hear.”

“I think the mom was right to speak up, though I think she could have been more careful with her wording and said that Jenny McCarthy is wrong rather than calling the other mother wrong.”

As always, there’s much wisdom from these moms (and dads) but here’s my take: You may choose to speak your mind about a hot-button issue such as vaccinating newborns, knowing that you’re opening yourself up to discussion (if not a spirited debate). But no name-calling or shaming is allowed. If I were you I’d have focused more on Jenny McCarthy’s views than the other mother’s – to keep it less personal but still make your point.

Still, while this is a heated issue, it’s not a controversial one: Vaccinations are essential for public health, especially for our kids, and medical studies have continually debunked any causation between vaccines (notably the preservative thimerosal) and autism. The flawed study in The Lancet that started the fear of a vaccine-autism link has long since been withdrawn. According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention:

“CDC supports the Institute of Medicine conclusion that there is no relationship between vaccines containing thimerosal and autism rates in children.”

Still, some parents have not gotten the word that the study didn’t hold up, and they are vulnerable to misinformation being spread by folks like Jenny McCarthy. The result is bad news for the very children they want to protect: We’re now seeing outbreaks of diseases (such as measles, whooping cough, and polio) that claim young lives precisely because some parents are forgoing vaccinating the. In fact, the CDC reported that 2013 was the worst year for measles in this country in almost two decades – and that’s for a disease that was considered eradicated by the year 2000.

So why do I disagree with your husband about having a private chat with anti-vaccine mom? Because with other parents of newborns present, it was important to counter false medical information openly. Those parents could easily be swayed by the incorrect anti-vaccine information, which could lead to them following it and even spreading it further. Your response, although more forceful than it probably needed to be, at least alerted those parents to the truth. As for your husband’s suggesting of keeping quiet, I’m reminded that “silence equals assent.” If no one speaks up, everyone may think there’s no disagreement.

The bottom line: Polite civil conversation is appropriate, but public ridicule and polemics are not. As long as you spoke politely, your response was appropriate. As for your husband, I think he needs to better understand the severity of the public health issue at hand and the danger to your little one.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Steven Petrow

Steven Petrow is the go-to source on contemporary etiquette, as cited by The New York Times, People, Time, and NPR. His sometimes gentle, sometimes snarky, always insightful advice has made him a nationally...read more