Question Of The Moment: What Would You Do-Over?

Note: I started this Question of the Day thing, fully intending to ask a question every day. But a daily question became more than I could handle, so I’m changing it to Question of the Moment.

Is there anything in your life you’d like to do-over? And if there is, what would it be?

I am not sure I can answer this. Would I change the fact that I stayed in a bad marriage so long? My son came from that marriage, which puts an immeasurable value on it. Should I have gotten out earlier? When my son was small? I could write a long blog about what might have been, vs what was. Would I do over that drama filled relationship I was in for too long? Maybe. In the grand scheme of things, when I look at my life’s journey, it is a small, scant part of it and really has no significance. Maybe I would finish college, I’d like to have gotten a degree. Instead I worked with my ex for 30 years. We built a thriving business and lost it. There were some wonderful benefits to that, and some terrible drawbacks. If I’d finished college, I wouldn’t have worked with him, and who knows where that path might have led.

But honestly, I tend to look at the difficult things in my life as my lessons to learn. Dan and I had a conversation about young people dying the other day. I thought about my niece, who died in a car accident 14 years ago at 24. She was brilliant (valedictorian of her class, went to University of Texas on a full ride), and beautiful, and funny, and kind and compassionate. I always considered her an old soul. I think maybe when she died, she was done with whatever she came here to do. I don’t imagine that she had serious regrets, because she gave her all to everything she did. We were not done, her family, in any way and still, even though we talk about the fun times with her, which were constant, we still grieve, that hard gut wrenching grief.

Then I think about my best friends son who died of a drug overdose this summer, at the age of 29, and Ido- know he was not done, that he was just on the cusp of a new life, a happy life, but got caught up in the old one just one too many times. I know he has regrets, and probably a list of things he’d like to have had a chance to do over. I’ve heard it said that those addicted to drugs can break the addiction if they can live through it. Sadly, many, maybe most, do not. He was one who wanted to….and he was creating a life with his girlfriend that would have lent itself to an addiction free existence.

So, for me? I don’t have any big regrets, because the things I regret occasionally, also had treasure buried in them. I don’t think I’d do any of them over. I learned from them all, I have much more balance, and happiness right now as a result of the life I’ve lived. All of it.

So, do-overs. What do you think about the idea? Would you, if you could? And if you would, and you could, what would it be?

nswer this. Would I change the fact that I stayed in a bad marriage so long? My son came from that marriage, which puts an immeasurable value on it. Should I have gotten out earlier? When my son was small? I could write a long blog about what might have been, vs what was. Would I do over that drama filled relationship I was in for too long? Maybe. In the grand scheme of things, when I look at my life’s journey, it is a small, scant part of it and really has no significance. Maybe I would finish college, I’d like to have gotten a degree. Instead I worked with my ex for 30 years. We built a thriving business and lost it. There were some wonderful benefits to that, and some terrible drawbacks. If I’d finished college, I wouldn’t have worked with him, and who knows where that path might have led.

But honestly, I tend to look at the difficult things in my life as my lessons to learn. Dan and I had a conversation about young people dying the other day. I thought about my niece, who died in a car accident 14 years ago at 24. She was brilliant (valedictorian of her class, went to University of Texas on a full ride), and beautiful, and funny, and kind and compassionate. I always considered her an old soul. I think maybe when she died, she was done with whatever she came here to do. I don’t imagine that she had serious regrets, because she gave her all to everything she did. We were not done, her family, in any way and still, even though we talk about the fun times with her, which were constant, we still grieve, that hard gut wrenching grief.

Then I think about my best friends son who died of a drug overdose this summer, at the age of 29, and I know he was not done, that he was just on the cusp of a new life, a happy life, but got caught up in the old one just one too many times. I know he has regrets, and probably a list of things he’d like to have had a chance to do over. I’ve heard it said that those addicted to drugs can break the addiction if they can live through it. Sadly, many, maybe most, do not. He was one who wanted to….and he was creating a life with his girlfriend that would have lent itself to an addiction free existence.

So, for me? I don’t have any big regrets, because the things I regret occasionally, also had treasure buried in them. I don’t think I’d do any of them over. I learned from them all, I have much more balance, and happiness right now as a result of the life I’ve lived. All of it.

So, do-overs. What do you think about the idea? Would you, if you could? And if you would, and you could, what would it be?

I always say that everything that’s happened to us led us to the place where we are, so if we’re in a good place now, then it’s all good, right? Each thing can be a teaching moment, and allow us to learn more about ourselves. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Very similar to my own!

I’d like to be philosophical about my mistakes making me who I am. But there are things I regret and things I would change if I could. I would have left the “rebound from hell” after the second date and not been with him a year. It was only a year, but my children needed me to be solid. Instead I was solid with a few gaping holes and lapses of insanity. At least they saw me pull out of that. But who knows how things would be different. Maybe there’s something I don’t see. Of course I learned to have compassion for people who stay in unhealthy relationships and compassion for myself.

I get it, about the rebound. Dan always says the rebound chick or guy is never the ONE we’re looking for, and I can say I did the same as you, let it go on way too long, and looking back wonder where my head was at, lol. (Can you call it a rebound if it’s the first relationship but 6 or 7 years after the divorce?) Perhaps it prepared me to appreciate the wonderful man I am with now. Who knows. You and I made it to this amazing place we’re in now, and that’s all that matters, right?