-looking at the baby bundled up in his arms before glancing at you and whispering in an awestruck voice “we made this”-emailing drop dead to ask them if their clothing comes in children’s sizes-accidentally drinking the baby formula because he thought it was a protein shake-taking your child to the dog shelter every weekend because “babe, if we’re gonna get one this is good practice”-letting your child colour in his tattoos whilst he’s just sitting and giggling slightly because “what? it tickles”-walking in on you breastfeeding and pouting because he claims that “its not fair, i never get boob time anymore :-(”-poking the baby’s cheeks and laughing at how your child is so squishy, yet he rolls his eyes whenever you do the same thing to him-”babe, look, look, a green day onesie!”-the baby would probably fall asleep on his chest and calum would just rub soothing circles into their back until he followed suit-”no, trust me, the guitar is overrated, don’t pay attention to uncle luke. bass is way better bub, i swear. no listen–”-dressing your child up as a puppy for their first halloween-dropping the baby bottle and going “fuck–no wait i’m not allowed to swear anymore, shit–no, fuck i meant–”-teaching your child how to play soccer and letting them score on him all the time-”your mummy is so pretty, isn’t she bub?” “you’re still not getting laid tonight”-”aunt mali’s gonna take you out for ice cream, okay? that way me and mummy can have some alone time”-insisting that his kid is way better than uncle michael’s kid-”for fuck’s sake ashton, yes my child is getting all the nutrition they need, thank you very much”