Smartassery for the serious. Assistance for the terrifed. Information for the curious. A memoir for what's left of my sanity.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Twenty-Eighth Post.

Been back for a while now. Mystery picked me up from the airport, greeted her and then practically dragged her out of there. We discussed things in the car and she elaborated on her "dream" when we got back to the mansion. I got to meet our guests which was nice. Trinity mauled the shit out of me, Sunshine dogpiled both of us. Despite not really being in the mood for it I squeezed them both and smiled one. After going over the things regarding Mystery's "dream" we went ahead to speak about Executor's latest post. We are both angry, completely sick of his game. On top of that Dodgy is alive, can you believe that? He lived, jumped bodies. What the fuck... I don't even know.

I popped home earlier after Mystery and I talked, saw everyone since no one really works Sundays, least not often. It was nice, didn't stay long. Honestly, didn't want to. Feel shitty for saying that but it's true. They don't even notice me gone, don't want to deal with that. My mind keeps asking me if this is even home, if I would even know the difference with the lack of memories, why I consider this place a home, if I even have a home to begin with. It's... Fuck. I laid on my bed for two hours when I got home, didn't feel better. Felt worse, actually. Just watched the fan on the ceiling go around and around until I got a headache. I checked on the traps around the property before I left.

Prosper was spotted, kept his distance. It was brief, a glimmer. He steped out of nowhere and weaved through some trees, looking my way before vanishing again. I picked up a rock and chucked it as hard as I could into his direction even after he left. Fucking taunt, didn't even appear long enough for me to question... Not that he'd even answer them anyways.

The only thing I could think about on the way back is "I don't know". And you know... I really hate it. Doesn't matter what happens, I still don't know. Didn't know before, didn't know when it was happening, don't know now, probably won't know in the future. What the hell? Am I supposed to just move forward within a constant state of unknowing? Again, I don't know. I don't have the answers. This all sounds like a wad of shit too. I probably know more than I am giving credit for, but hell... Still feels like I know nothing, and I'm not about to presume I know everything or more than what I do. I just wish I knew something, or at least was sure about fricking something. No... I just wish I could feel sure about something mostly. Yea, that's the winner.

Anyways, delayed Twitter post was due to visiting and talking, then home, then back for dinner at the mansion. Would have written this thing earlier but... I don't know. I really just haven't been motivated. Checked over the mansion and everything, peeked at the others when they had gone to bed. Spent some time with Mr. Sunshine in his spot. I think he knows something is up, not by my behavior. He seemed... Peeved. I wonder if he knows anything, thinking of questioning later again. Maybe he's found more of his voice.

Great, 4:30 A.M. and I'm sleep deprived again. Funny, I'm doing it to myself. Haven't been able to eat much, nor sleep. Like I said in the last post I'll get some stuff up soon. Spam Blogger with information and what not. Sorry for the late/early post, keep getting distracted but these thoughts. Seriously, just shrug off typos. I really don't care at this point.

Anyways... Plan is that Mystery is heading out while I take watch. She's going to check in with her family and everything again after what Executor posted. I'm hoping for good results, maybe some more answers. Something could have been missed, right? I should just make my catch phrase "I don't know" rather than "Stay safe" at the end of these posts.

Ughs. Happy Fourth of July, everyone.Maybe blowing up something will make shit shine.Aka, make things better.

3 comments:

Instead of looking for what will happen, look for what can happen. Always be prepared everything and anything when venturing into the unknown.Sometimes if you focus on one thing for to long you might miss the important facts to something else. Try to work all of the angles of a situation and maybe the pieces will fall in place.But im sure everything will work out in the end, they always do. Unfortunately its not always for the better, but lets hope for the best!~just trying to help~

Thank you, dear. It's ridiculous how close I live by doing that but how easily I venture off course of it. I think it's just the paranoia and my lack of control over it since, well, Executor. Trying to keep focused on all the angles, you can't be good at tactics if you can't do such. Thank you for the kidness, my friend.