[ open on teenagers sitting around Richard's room playing their guitars ]

Richard: Alright. First off, we need a name for our band, okay? Then we all learn how to play instruments.. then we get gigs.. and then every chick in the school digs us! Alright? So it's starts with a name. I got two. Zaxxon, or Matrix. I like 'em both - which one?

Richard: [ getting annoyed ] As long as they never got paid for being pretty, okay? [ thinking ] You know, wait a second.. supermodels are okay, alright? But no lowball part-time model chicks! Okay? Now, what's the truth we're gonna sing about?

Chris: [ struggling to explain his idea ] How about.. this one time.. I stayed at.. my friend's house. And, uh.. uh, I got crabs from his ouch, and.. so, I went into the bathroom to kill 'em.. and I set off a bug bomb. And.. and.. I sat in there for about two hours.. and.. I almost died!

David: Hey, you guys, we've gotta write songs about drugs! Alright? Like, remember "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds"? Lucy.. Sky.. Diamonds - L.S.D., right? See? Every song from the 70's is about drugs. Give me any song.

Adam: "Hey Jude".

David: "Hey Jude"? "Hey Heroin"! "Don't make it bad"? "Don't make a bad batch - of heroin." See? Once you know what they're doing, it's easy! It's like The Who, when they sang "Don't Get Food Again"? "Food" is heroin!

Adam: [ laughing ] I think it's "Don't Get Fooled Again"!

David: No, it's not! I saw him say it in an interview - he quoted it! And, like, on "Ticket To Ride" - Ride is the heroin trip, and Ticket is your dealer. Wait.. I think the ticket is just a ticket on that one..

Melanie: [ stands, grinning ] Hey, guys.. let's get some pot!

Richard: [ confused ] Did you just make some money in the last five minutes?

Melanie: No.

Richard: Then, shut up! Plus, you know, I don't really know if this band smokes pot, alright? It might not be their image! Alright, let's vote. Who thinks this band should smoke pot?

[ everyone raises their hands ]

Alright. Well, when we're making the bucks, it'll be easy to get it.

Chris: [ awkwardly ] Mooney..? Man.. the best way to get some cash flow going.. is to invent something.. We need, like, a killer idea that.. like, the guy who, that, invented the Pet Rock? He's got it made! 'Cause.. in.. he.. does nothing.. ever! All he does.. is just kick back in his pad all day, and get baked! Cashing elephant.. checks.. and.. then.. errr.. what.. what was I saying? [ drifts off ]

Richard: Nothing.. nothing. [ the phone rings ] Don't answer it!

Adam: [ singing and strumming guitar ]
"The phone is ringing
I ain't gonna answer it.
No, no, can't pick it up
'Cuase of what it represents.."

David: Yeah.. yeah! Dude, the phone is heroin.. and answering it is giving in to your habit!