The Staff Canteen -- By Faelan

"You know," said the Gargoyle, "This job really gets me down sometimes." The
other hunched figures around the table nodded glumly in agreement. "It's not
as if we even get paid, is it?"

A deep voice from above boomed down to where the Gargoyle sat, hunched over
his beverage. "Nein, und der pension scheme dat I vos promised has not come
about. I am in mein castle all day, bellowing at adwenturers, killing them,
letting them kill me, dying realiztically - und how many ov dese new so called
mobs do that right? - and vot do I get? Nozzink." The Gargoyle looked up to
the Giant sat on his right, the table illumined by the small corona of flames
flickering around his head.

"Well, dearie, perhaps you shouldn't expect an award for a hammy performance.
Now, as for I, I am a true star - sent from the heavens to guard the
treasures sought by evil mortals." The Solar, sat on the opposite side of
the table from the Fire Giant simpered gently to himself. The Gargoyle held
up a restraining talon as the Giant started to work out what the Solar had
said.

"Now there's no room for that kind of talk here. For one thing you were only
sent from heaven after that business with the cherubim, and your treasure isn'
t worth that many equipment points. Besides, there's not so many people
round here would like the description evil being used offensively." The
Gargoyle gestured at the Giant next to him but the Solar only pouted at him
and began to buff his nails with a small file.

"Heh," replied the Gargoyle, holding up his talons for inspection. "Just keep
'em sharp and use frequently - like the Boss said. He grimaced briefly. "Of
course, if there wasn't so much metal armor around it would be easier to keep
'em sharp. Have to go across to Genkaya's to get them dealt with properly
every so often." The gargoyle paused and stared at his talons for a second
then turned to the hulking, scaled figure next to him. "Next tuesday alright?
" he asked.

"K''ll'akssaklssll ssllk'llk," Genkaya replied, indifferently.

"True enough," the Gargoyle said. "I can get one of my brothers from Crime to
cover for me - we close enough to fool the mortals - but if people keep
killing you that often... well - I'll fly over anyway and see if you're
alive. It'll be a day out at any rate." Genkaya just nodded and turned back
to his bowl of green soup.

"What I don't get," muttered an emaciated Adventurer, staring hungrily at the
bowl of nuts on the table before him, "Is why we don't just band together and
really scare the life out of those mortals. They keep outnumbering us so why
not do the same to them?" The Gargoyle passed the bowl of nuts across but the
Adventurer waved them away saying, "Thanks, but I've got to keep my figure."

"Yeah - much good it'll do. Them Trolls tried that and started beating people
up when they were trading goods around. Good money it was till the mortals
figured out how to beat them off. By then the Kobolds had joined the game as
well as some Bandits and Rogues. Now I hear a Demon Lord has joined in as
well." The Gargoyle paused in his litany and waited for some form of
intelligent response.

"Has he got those adorable puppies house-trained, lover?" asked the Solar,
looking up from his small sponge finger.

"Ack, nein," rumbled the Giant, "He is still in need of trainink dem. He came
to visit lazt veek and dey made holes int alla da floorz."

"I'm talking about ganging up and playing the mortals at their own game,"
growled the Gargoyle. "Organised resistance."

"Come on, dearie, it wouldn't work. You beat them off and kill them and they
just come back a few minutes later with friends. Besides, him upstairs
wouldn't like it one bit." The Solar finished his dessert and pointed at an
Avatar stood at the salad counter. "Speak too loudly and word may get back to
Him. Oh well, time to make another incarnation, I suppose. Ciao!" With a
cheery wave the Solar formed into a bright light and disappeared.

"I vish he vud do dat after he goez back," muttered the Giant, wiping at his
streaming eyes with the back of a hand.

"It's the looks of the thing," said the Emaciated Adventurer. "If he gets
back there and someone sees him light up then it's bad form and the Boss can
be a bit miffed. You wouldn't like it if he was miffed." His stomach
growled in agreement.

A large wave of noise shattered the glass windows and tumbled crockery and
utensils to the floor. A large figure materialised on the floor and slowly
rose to its feet. "BY THE GODS ON HIGH! IT'S NOT SAFE TO BE AN IMMORTAL!" it
roared. Realising where it was it looked around and waved a hand
theatrically. The glass in the windows moved back into seamless sheets, the
crockery and utensils leapt back to their proper places and the noise calmed
down.

"Ah, Tyr - we're having a chat - come and join us," called the Gargoyle,
pushing the Solar's empty chair away from the table. Tyr strode grandly
across the room and sat down disconsolately.

"I tell you - it's truly unfair to expect me to continue like this. I may be
the living incarnation of Tyr himself, but when I am not even allowed to move
from the room I am in..." He shook his head sadly. "They just keep running
in, exchanging blows and running out again. It's unfair."

"I was just saying this to the good people here - we want something done about
behavior like this," said the Gargoyle.

"It's not as if they have any grace about it either. There I was, my corpse
still cooling down, and they're complaining that my wonderful Warhammer isn't
as good as the one they got from me last week. Admittedly I had to rush it a
bit on Friday night, but it was still a good job."

"Yes, we all know how it is," soothed the Gargoyle. "As I was saying I was
trying to get people interested in doing something about this. The Boss has
to be told about this - it's just not good enough. I mean, all he does is
sit on high and pass judgement and..." His voice trailed off as he realised
everyone was staring past him.