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I’m sorry. I’m not trying to rag on lame Burghers all the time, but as a regular peruser of Craigslist, I cannot help it that these people are just baiting me with this shit. I gotta share. I’m like that.

1. I have never in my life heard the word “snooties” (is that redneck speak?) and ladies, this fish NEEDS to be the one that you throw back in and “let it get away.”

2. On one hand I’m all, “At least he’s upfront in telling us he’s been a druggie, in jail, has no wheels, etc.” But on the other hand, I’m all, “Whoa! Too. Much. Information.” Who answers a Craigslist ad from a former drug addict/convict with no car?

3 . And who answers a Craigslist ad from a guy that admits he can “be a real asshole”?! WTF is wrong with these guys? “Hmm, what should I write? My personality traits? What I’m looking for in a woman? How awesome I am? Nah, let’s go with ‘drug addicted former convict who sucks at love and can be a real asshole.’ THAT’LL get ’em writing me!”

8 Wow. I bet this woman’s inbox is flooded with guys who just want a picture of what she claims are the “biggest boobs you’ve ever seen in your life.” As of this writing, THESE are the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen in my life (TOTALLY safe for work. Promise).

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This is purely just out of curiosity, I haven’t gotten to the Craigslist level of needing a date…yet. But when I read these posts, and browse Craigslist myself, I can’t help but wonder…are there such things as Craigslist success stories? And I don’t mean “We got married and love one another and live in a castle in Shadyside with a moat and everything,” I mean “He/she was cool, we went out a few times.” Anybody meet any success on this comedic gold mine?

Based on these profiles, I’d say any time the date doesn’t end with a trip through a wood chipper or having your remains scattered about the State Game Lands then you’ve got yourself a success story. And I’ve posted too much today. I hereby ban myself. Goodbye.

C’mon, PG, I bet you know PLENTY of girls who are out looking for assholes. Oh, they don’t put it that way, they don’t CALL him that, at first. But that’s what he is. He doesn’t care what he says or who he says it to, doesn’t care what he does or who he does it to, anything for a laugh — That’s an asshole. And he IS fun to be around, isn’t he? He’s kinda dangerous, MUCH more exciting than that guy who worships the ground you walk on but is just, you know, too NICE (read: boring). And he’s attractive — he MUST be, he always seems to have hot women hanging around him, even if he goes through one a week. So the girls MUST be looking just for him, and guys like him. So maybe the CraigsList guys just know how to troll, eh?

I guess you can tell which way I leaned (asshole vs. nice) back in the day. Not that I’m bitter …

RE: the 50 year old guy who wants a girl who is not scared easily . . . is that the same guy who posted on Craigslist pictures of screws in his neck due to a car accident? I guess that strategy didn’t work and now he’s trying another bait to reel in the women.

The truly nice guys don’t go around saying how nice they are. There ARE girls who can’t stand being with a guy who doesn’t treat them like crap, but that’s that ONE GIRL’S problem. Just like some girls projectile vomit if they eat Italian food and stuff.

I like men who are sweet and nice and kind, but if they never call me on my crap (which I occasionally dish) I’ll probably dump them. It just makes me think that they have such a low opinion of themselves that they put up with a girl treating them like crap, and I have no desire to be with someone who hates himself that much.