2014-09-23

I’ve been flying a lot lately. I like travelling, and end up
jetting around quite a lot both for business and pleasure. I also like beer, as
some of you may have gathered by now. How, then, do these two things go
together? Are there hoppy pleasures to be had thirty thousand feet off the
ground? These are questions I know most of you have been tempted to consider
dying to ask, so I thought I’d share my experiences with you on this absolutely
fascinating topic.

As with all serious subjects, a little historical background
is a great way to waste a paragraph or two. Flying’s been around since some
pre-historic birds first climbed up a convenient tree to fling themselves at
the ground, and missed. However, it took a long time before humans developed
wings – quite a few tried emulating the birds, but usually failed to miss hitting
the ground in what was undoubtedly a very painful fashion, and so it wasn’t really until the Wright
brothers combined two oversized ironing boards and a lawn mower on a beach in
North Carolina in December 1903 that the concept of flying for humans really, and quite
literally, took off. Humanity hasn’t looked back since, though quite often
down.

The inflight service on the very first flight was probably quite limited, especially since it lasted less than a minute.
Apparently, the first flight attendants appeared only about 30 years later,
complete with a friendly smile and an appropriate amount of hard liquor to
settle the nerves of the passengers, who back in those days had a relatively
high chance of hitting the ground very hard and therefore regretting not taking
the train. Luckily, the situation nowadays is very different – flying is just
about the safest way to travel, so there’s absolutely no reason not to sit
back, relax and enjoy a little luxury such as a fine brew or two, if only such
pleasures had been widely available.

Those of you who have actually bothered to drag your arses
to the nearest airport to board a sardine box that, in complete breach of most
of the laws of physics, lifts itself from the ground and brings you relatively
quickly (unless Icelandic Volcanoes are throwing some lava into the mix) to
your preferred destination (unless you’ve made the classic mistake of boarding
a plane to “Torquay” instead of “Turkey”, or “Dakar” instead of “Dhaka”), will
know that (unless you’ve re-mortgaged your house to pay for business class) the
stuff you get for free (or, more accurately, included) is, at best, very
limited. In fact, many airlines won’t give you anything at all unless you pay
extra through a nostril of your choice, though they usually accept credit
cards. However, despite all this, most airlines do have at least one beer on
offer.

A very common sight up there.

Unfortunately, the beer revolution that has resulted in an
incredible increase in the number and styles of beers on offer in the average
pub or supermarket has completely failed to lift off the ground. The average
inflight trolley will contain a few cans of what is simply known as “beer”,
whereas the wine buffs at least get to choose between “red” and “white”. To
make matters worse, the “beer” on offer is typically one of the big industrial
blands (sic), so if you fancy a “beer” with “taste”, you are probably out of
luck. There are some exceptions though: the main airline in Switzerland,
cunningly named “Swiss”, actually serves up quite a decent local beer from
Appenzeller land (a rural Canton in the north-east for the many geography buffs
among you), which – at least for people who like lager – has a nice hoppy
taste. For the time being, Swiss is also one of the few airlines that will let
you have a can or two without charging you for it. Not sure if this justifies
always flying via Zurich regardless of where you want to go, but it’s clearly
worth bearing in mind.

Quite a few cans of decent lager taking off.

Another airline that takes beer a little bit more seriously
than most is good old British Airways. Last time I flew with BA, I actually had
the choice of no fewer than FOUR beers, though since three of them were predictable
global tasteless lagers, there wasn’t really much of a choice. The last one,
though, was one of the fairly safe British bitters, namely London Pride. Never
a truly great drinking experience, but hardly ever a disappointing one either,
Pride for sure might just probably be perhaps the best beer you’re ever likely
to get served in, on or above the clouds.

Having said that, a bit of internet research reveals that,
mirroring the situation on the ground, North American airlines seem to provide
both the worst and best beers in the sky. Some of the biggest airlines (which I have flown with), which I
shall refrain from naming and shaming, stick to the old “making love in a canoe”
ones, whereas at least a handful (including Alaska Airlines and Virgin America, neither of which I have been on) have started serving craft beers – a round of applause is merited, I think. I clearly need to travel more.

So who’s the winner? Which is the world’s best beerline? I can't decide, so I'm just going to say that it’s the train. It may be slower, but this simply means more time to savour
your beer – and best of all, you can buy a couple of great beers and
bring them on board with you. Apparently, it’s more environmentally friendly
too, although getting to Canada, Australia and Japan from Europe on the train
remains a bit of a challenge.

On this lofty note I shall end this informative and highly
entertaining blog post, and wish you all a lovely autumn (or spring, should you
read this from the southern hemisphere). My advice to you for the coming weeks
until the next post appears is to drink beerfully, fly high, train hard and
don’t worry – be hoppy. As they say in Finland: Kippis!