An Afghan fixer struggles in exile in Sweden

I am from Afghanistan, but I have lived in exile in Sweden
for almost a year and a half. I spent my teenaged life in Pakistan, where I moved
in 1997 to escape the savage regime of the Taliban.

I studied English in a private institute, and then became an
English teacher to make my living. To improve my English, I used to watch
channels like the BBC and CNN, and I became interested in journalism. Although
there are many private universities in Pakistan, I was not able to afford to go
to one to study journalism. But in 2004, I got lucky and was hired as a
translator for German TV (Deutsche Welle) through a friend of mine who was
already working for them. The station had a training program for local
journalists who worked Radio Television Afghanistan.

My German colleagues and I often went out together
to a nearby restaurant or guesthouse. It was at one of these where I met Ajmal Naskhbandi,
an Afghan journalist and fixer who would later be murdered by the Taliban in
2007. Ajmal and I began working together as fixers--a fixer is somebody who
facilitates almost everything for a Western journalist, acts as their eyes and
ears.

Our job was extremely dangerous. We used to set up
interviews with the Taliban and take Western journalists to the war zone. We
also helped them craft their stories about the poppy trade and violence against
women. Writing about these issues in Afghanistan is difficult and dangerous.

In September 2006, I faced my first truly dangerous
situation as a fixer. Christian Parenti, a correspondent for The Nation; Ian Olds, a filmmaker; and I went to Khogyani
Nangarhar in Afghanistan on the Pakistani border to do a story on poppy. It was
my third trip to this place; on the way back we faced a Taliban ambush. Five armed
men tried to kidnap us but we managed to escape.

Receiving death threats messages from the east, in
Nangarhar, which is my hometown in Afghanistan, stopped me from traveling there
anymore. But the tragedy that happened in April 2007 made me leave the country.

My friend Ajmal had set up an interview in Helmand with a
key Taliban militant for Daniele Mastrogiacomo, an Italian journalist, and a
local driver, Sayed Agha. The three were kidnapped during that trip on March 4,
2007. Agha was beheaded after five days, while Ajmal and Daniele watched. Soon
after, the government freed five Taliban prisoners supposedly in exchange for
the release of Ajmal and Daniele. Daniele was set free but not Ajmal; the
Taliban made another demand for the release of prisoners. The president and
minister of foreign affairs denied this demand; Ajmal was beheaded in April
2007.

It became harder for me after that to work as a fixer or
even to live my life. During Ajmal's captivity I worked hard to get help from
non-government groups and appealed to the Taliban we used to interview to set
Ajmal free. After that, the Taliban threatened me with death many times. One
man told me that my name was on a Taliban death list so I'd better leave, or
else I would be killed.

I went to Pakistan and paid a large amount money to an agent
to take me out of the region. Europe was the best option. Holding a Pakistani
passport, I flew to Dubai and then to a European city, which I think it was in
Germany, and then to drove to Sweden. I applied for asylum in a Swedish
immigration office in February 2008, and after months of waiting, I was
accepted that November.

Now I study the Swedish language and I'm trying to make my
way back to journalism. I am not happy but I am safe. There are many things that
make me unhappy. For example, losing my profession, which was dangerous, yes,
but I wanted to improve and become a formal journalist. Leaving my family
behind; they are still suffering because of my experience. And I am living
alone in a different society, which sometimes makes me sick (Sweden can be dark
and freezing cold).

There are some major problems too. I have not yet been
issued an ID or a bank account, which are very necessary. I have applied for
both, but the office that issue IDs refused to issue me one because I have no
family members to certify that I am who I say I am. It is really hard to
resettle in a new country, especially when you don't speak the language and
don't come from a similar culture and traditions. I still have to find a part-time
job to support my family.

For me, it is now impossible to return to my home country,
since a documentary about Ajmal's murder has been shown around the world (Fixer:
The Taking of Ajmal Naqshbandi)--I know they
would find me and kill me. Because I am safe here, I will go through all these difficulties in exile and settle in at some point. But the loss of my friend
and being lonely and worrying about my family's security makes me depressed.

Comments

Some tough times you had. It is very hard to live oversease away from family. I know how you feel because I am facing kind of similar circumestances. You must be very streesed because you worry about your family's safty in Afghanistan, and about building your life here in Sweden. I hope you could unite with your family soon. Wish you best of luck.

I saw the film last night. It was another reminder of the never-ending suffering of the Afhgan people in so many different ways, for so long! lIfe goes on for everybody, especially the transient actors and players, the hear-breaking burden of pain, dismay, anger and chaos is alwasy left with the inocent Afghans who are simply trying to survive. When Ajamal is reassuring his family about his status, his eyes were hopelessly telling another story. That calm but sad look expressed the painful truth that he would not be protected and saved.

My deepest sympathy goes to all his family, friends and you Nageeb jan. Your story is told and please continue doing what you have to do and need to do in order to survive. Remember, we are good at that.

Greetings to you from England. I read your story with much sympathy - living in exile, away from your family and the places that you love is for me unimaginably hard. I am doing some research into the lives of Afghan journalists and fixers - would you be interested in helping me? I would love to talk to you.