Separated At Birth? Palo Alto, Concord

Published 4:00 am, Friday, October 13, 2000

Being a proud Concord resident -- hey, somebody's got to defend the Spirit Poles -- I rarely pass up a chance to promote Contra Costa's largest city.

So when word came that drugstores in town were featuring Concord postcards, I felt a swelling in my chest. It was either pride or the beginnings of a gastrointestinal condition. No, definitely pride.

It's about time our biggest 'burb got its props in the form of postcards. I was ready to plunk down big bucks and send 'em to relatives in Wyoming, innocents who know the Bay Area only from cliched images of the fog-shrouded Golden Gate Bridge.

I ask you, who'd want glossies of cable cars when you can send Uncle Bob shots from the Concord BART station?

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The photo selected for the card was a pretty aerial shot, green and leafy, showing clean streets and jutting 20-story office buildings and this hulking parking garage plunked down right in the midst of this sprawl.

Wait, that's not our beloved Concord.

That's . . . Palo Alto! I quickly turned the card over and read the description: "Located at the foot of Mt. Diablo, this growing city is the center for many businesses located in the Bay Area."

How could such a blunder have happened, you ask? Could the postcard makers, Smith Novelty Company of San Francisco, possibly have missed that the looming presence of Mount Diablo is nowhere to be found? Ditto for other Concordian landmarks, such as Todos Santos Plaza, the Chronicle Pavilion, Sunvalley Mall and, of course, Interstate 680.

Having made many a blunder myself, I was curious to hear the card company's explanation and inquire as to whether Palo Alto's card received Concord's aerial shot.

I was directed to Michelle Furuichi in the company's art department. Nicely as possible, for a journalist, I alerted her to the error. She acknowledged it, then cut me off.

Furuichi: "Don't you people in the suburbs have anything better to do with your time than bother us?"

Me: "Uh, no, ma'am."

Furuichi: "I don't know who in Concord's city government put you up to this, but they must be pretty bored."

Me: "No one did. They sell the card at stores. See, I write a humor column and -- "

But, Michelle, this is no mere waste of time. A community's very identity, its fragile self-esteem, is at stake.

Turns out that this isn't the first time Concord's been dissed by postcard people. Chronicle columnist and amateur archivist John King pulled out a story he wrote in 1991 for, as they say, "another newspaper." Same thing. Only this time, the postcard company was based in Sacramento and the shot wasn't as tight a closeup as the current faux Concord photograph.

Being mistaken for Palo Alto twice in 10 years can do some psychic damage to Concord's sense of self. (Stop that sniggering, you haughty Palo Altans.) But, really, we shouldn't feel slighted, because everyone knows Concord is superior. Let us count the ways, shall we:

-- They have one four-year institution of higher learning -- Stanford, I think it's called. We soon will have two -- the existing satellite campus for Cal State Hayward and the soon-to-be-built John F. Kennedy University campus near the BART station.

So, Palo Alto's Hoover Tower will be trumped by Kennedy's quad. Who was, after all, the superior president?

-- They have the Stanford football team -- with a one-game losing streak. We have De La Salle High's football team -- with a 105-game winning streak.

-- They have a median home price of $816,000 for their cramped McMansions, according to the California Association of Realtors. Median price for our modest ranch houses with backyards: $195,000.

-- They have the yuppified Stanford Shopping Center, where it seemingly costs more to valet park than to shop. We have the unpretentious Park 'n' Shop on Willow Pass Road, where, as its name implies, you just park the damn car yourself and shop.

So, as you can see, Palo Altans should feel pretty darn fortunate to have the name "CONCORD" emblazoned across the aerial shot of its environs. As for Concordians, well, we're secure enough in our superiority to slough off this slight.

NOW, FOR ANOTHER VIEW OF CONCORD: The Web 'zine juked.com last month ran a short story by
Nicole M. Bigas
called "Seeing Stars," about a Concord home girl trying to make her way in life. Bigas -- or, at least, Stacy, the narrator in her story -- must have some issues with Concord. Check out her slams at our beloved 'burb:

-- "Concord, Massachusetts, pronounced with sharp, crisp consonants and rich round vowels, intonates its history of revolutionary freedom fighters, stalwart Yankee spirit. . . .The emphasis of Concord, California is on the second syllable, which rhymes with turd."

-- "Concord girls have a different reputation in San Francisco. Concord girls were always slightly dated. In the early '90s, they styled their bleached blonde hair long with heavy bangs and wore white high heels with acid-washed jeans, or perhaps a jean skirt."

-- "One thing Stacy did like about DVC was watching the way Concord girls were treated by their richer sisters from Lafayette, Danville, Orinda and Moraga. Even the Walnut Creek girls took a turn at marking their superiority. . . . Status at DVC was gained through money and appearance. The intellectuals had all gone onto four-year colleges."

JACK THE JOKER STRIKES AGAIN: Remember J.T. "Jack" Novak, the 20-year-old rabble-rouser running for Concord's City Council on a platform of no special-interest campaign contributions and, uh, well some other stuff?

At the Oct. 3 city council meeting, Novak presented council members a token of his affection.

"Four of the council members were given paper soda shop hats full of corporate sponsor logos, and the mayor was given a paper Pope hat," he told The Chronicle's Joe Garofoli. "I'm glad I opened by reading the First Amendment, because the mayor asked the city attorney to stop me halfway through my speech. The city attorney just shrugged. The council sprinkled the rest of the meeting with heart- wrenching speeches about their self- sacrifice and the need for proper decorum at City Hall."

AND FINALLY: The Concord Human Relations Committee, a cabal of dedicated citizens promoting civic harmony, is planning a "Moment of Unity" in the city. Why stop there, guys? Instead of a moment, go for a whole Hour of Unity. Concord's progressive enough to go for it.

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