Middle-aged Women Run ... for Cover

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It’s not too late, fitness lovers. Still, want to make good on that New Year’s resolution to get in shape in 2018, but hate the chic club scene, where all the cool girls and guys promenade, point, and flex their muscles and the latest fab workout clothes?

Well, for those of you wanting to shake up their exercise routine and scene, I’ve got a recommendation. Here’s the skinny … and yes, I do mean the skinny. There’s a gym offering workouts without clothes. Yes, disrobed, in the raw, bare-assed naked.

“Working out without clothes provides a number of benefits to your exercise, including skin breathing, the release of endorphins due to Vitamin D from sunlight and complete body awareness, so you can see if you’re cheating on your exercise routines,” proclaims in-the-raw and in-your-face Hanson Fitness in a recent post on Facebook.

Now, wait a minute. One of the “benefits” is exposure to Vitamin D from sunlight? Does that mean the exercise-in-the-buff sessions take place in the sun i.e. outdoors? That is taking the concept of au naturel one additional step too far.

Middle-aged Me Cringes

And before we go too much further discussing the so-called benefits of this new trend, I must say, as a middle-aged woman, I find the entire nudie exercise concept—indoors or out—100% horrifying. These days I can barely stand looking at bare me in the mirror. I can scarcely imagine putting myself on display—stationary or stretching, straining and sweating—amid a group of strangers.

Even as a teenager, I hated changing clothes in the locker room for gym class. I always snuck into the bathroom stall to switch into my gym gear. And as a 20-something, I always avoided those massive shared department store dressing rooms.

My view? Conversation is something to share, not glimpses of epidermis—even youthful epidermis!

And in terms of marital nudity, all I have to say about that is—I take my cue from Stephen Sondheim’s A Little Night Music and the song “Now, Later, Soon” that includes the following lyrics:

“My body’s all right– But not in perspective And not in the light.”

Yet, Nud-ercise Gym Guru Sings its Praises.

“This new development brings with it a range of fitness and health benefits and allows our members to have a little cheeky fun in the process!” says Hanson Fitness founder Harry Hanson.

And cheeky puns aside, think of the time and cost-savings associated with nudie exercising. No more shopping, laundering, or even squeezing yourself into those constricting tight tights and related gym garb! Oh, joy! Oh, bliss?

Now Hanson is no novice when it comes to trendy. His gym hosts and boasts a slew of celebrity clients like Rihanna, Julia Roberts, and Tom Cruise. (Sorry, no website or Facebook intel on whether celebs are signing up for the in-the-birthday-suit exer-sessions.)

For those of you (us) who feel a tad uncomfortable doing squats sans sweatpants, there’s a face and butt-saving option: you (we) can wear nude-colored underwear. Now that’s a comfort, right?

This idea of nudie sports isn’t actually new at all. The ancient Greeks engaged in athletic activities sans togas. In fact, the word “gymnasium” comes from the Greek “gymnós,” which means “naked.” Oh, those Greeks. They have a word for everything.

So, Fitness Lovers, Ready to Strip? I Mean Sign Up?

The good news is you still have time to sign up for classes. The first sessions—men’s, women’s, and coed—don’t start until the first week of February.

The bad news? Hanson Fitness is located in NYC. But with a marketing gimmick like this, I’m sure jumping and stretching altogether in the altogether will spread across the nation like sweat on a stationary bike. Imagine the possibilities … Peeled Pilates, Bare-naked Barre, Braless Boot Camp, Topless Tai Chi, Cardio for the Unclad … The mind boggles, the body jiggles, the giggles endless.

Still not sure about getting buff in the buff? You might consider a more Zen option like Nude Yoga. On Instagram, Nude Yoga Girl boasts almost a million followers.

Now, this is, perhaps, a concept I can endorse. Anything to end the bane of yoga pants—now ubiquitous in our lives.

Just don’t expect me to stand behind your behind in a nude yoga class when it comes time to do Downward Dog!