16 July 2006

Ride the Coasters - It's in Your DNA

You must see a chiropractor. You must see a chiropractor after riding wooden rollercoasters.The newer, steel framed rides at amusement parks are sooooo much more smooth and fluid than the older, wooden framed rides which have joints along their tracks.

It is often said that riding the 'coasters at the amusement parks retuns a 30-something young man to memories of his childhood. My memories? I remembered what it felt like when I was punched in the chest and shoulder blades by my older brother. OMGWTF? The Psycloneand The Colossus at Magic Mountain cause pain. Real pain in my bones. I was not alone in my criticism of the assault endured on these fantastic rides.

We rode every coaster at Magic Mountain. Xtreme is pictured above. Ever notice that the framework of roller coasters resembles both DNA and the framework of the human back? What irony there.

We rode Goliath, Ninja, Batman, Scream!, Viper, Revolution, Tatsu, and DejaVu-- all steel framed roller coasters located in the park, between the wood-framed Psyclone and Colossus. We didn't ride Superman, which is a shuttle style ride that goes 100mph and makes a 90-degree bend as it ascends toward the clouds.

X flips riders in their seats as it rolls 360degrees while navigating the tracks. Confused? It's even more confusing in person.

Tatsu loads passengers in a seated position and then prior to take-off, rotates them into a doggy-paddle position. Each ride has a unique personality.

The next day, we resumed our tour of rides at DisneyLandand California Adventures, where we rode Matterhorn Bobsleds, Big Mountain Railroad, Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Mulholland Madness, Grizzly River Run and California Screamin'.

California Screamin' begins from a flat stop and rockets forward horizontally to ascend the initial peak and continues with banked turns and loops.

Last time out to D'land in 2003, Big Mtn RR was closed just three trainloads ahead of us, as a derailment caused severe injury to several people and a death to one. These places are fun because of the perceived risk involved in the swoops and flips, but not the risk from personal injury.

This is tasteless, and possibly humorless

City Editor:Do you think they give you your money back if your kid dies at Disney World?Editor-in-Chief: No, but Mickey Mouse volunteers to be a pallbearer at the funeral.Sports Editor, in a Mickey Mouse falsetto:"Hey guys, what's in the box?"