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Live Premier League Round-Up: Miki thrives, Raheem Cries and Tottenham Show Cojones

“I’m never playing for
you again. EVER!” shrieked Riyad Mahrez at the Leicester City board when they
refused to sell him to Manchester City last week.

City could have done
with the wantaway winger against Burnley, with Raheem Sterling wasting a golden
opportunity on the way to dropping a rare two points against Sean Dyche’s
gritty underdogs. After fill-in full-back Danilo R1’d into the top corner to
put City 1-0 up, shot-bobbler Sterling miskicked wide of an open goal from six
yards out in the second half, then threw himself to the ground with an
ear-piercing scream, in a manner usually reserved for dives and transfer
tantrums. The Clarets earned a well-deserved equaliser through Johann Berg
Guomundsson’s deft half-volley and for once, Guardiola’s super-team didn’t
particularly threaten to retaliate with a late winner. One presumes Pep will
target Mahrez once again come summer.

Riyad
Mahrez, holding back his fury
(Algerie-Armenie-20140531-Riyad
Mahrez by Clement Bucco-Lechat is licensed by CC 2.0)

Two players who did
get the January transfer moves they wanted were Henrikh Mkhitaryan and
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, who lit up the Emirates in a 5-1 victory against
Everton with a zeal that has been missing from Arsenal’s team since Alexis
Sanchez mentally checked out in October. Aubameyang introduced himself to the
Emirates faithful with a delightful, dinked finish on debut, while “Miki”
notched three assists in his first start for the Gunners. The real hattrick
hero however, was Aaron Ramsey. The Welshman’s goal-guzzling performance does
much to suggest the inclusion of Aubameyang and Mkhitaryan will lift the entire
first eleven, as well as adding a sprinkling of star-dust to replace the
mercurial Alexis.

Whether the
acquisition of those two ex-Dortmund forwards will be enough to overhaul Spurs
and Liverpool in the race for the Champions League is a question that appears
to be unanswerable. Jurgen Klopp and
Mauricio Pochettino’s respective teams are the two most unpredictable sides in
the Premier League, as evidenced by an absolutely bananas last ten minutes in
Sunday’s 2-2 draw an Anfield.

Jurgen
Klopp, waiting for the next Dejan Lovren error
(Jurgen Klopp by
Thomas Rodenbucher is licensed by CC 2.0)

Victor Wanyama
equalised Mo Salah’s first-half opener with an 80
th minute strike smacked
so wickedly off the outside of his boot that is bounced twelve yards out of
Lloris Karius’ net after swerving into the top corner – this after the Kenyan was
substituted on to play as a defensive midfielder. Six minutes later, Harry Kane
won a penalty (and no, Mark Lawrenson, it wasn’t offside according to the
letter of the law) before hitting straight at unlikely hero Karius in the
Liverpool goal, who either read Kane’s intentions or is so useless he merely
didn’t consider moving.

Six minutes after
that, Salah reacted first to a ricochet
on the right- side of the penalty area and slalomed his way past Ben Davies and
Jan Vertonghen before poking over Hugo Lloris, a goal that, whisper it quietly,
was genuinely Messi-esque. Cue pandemonium in the stands, the commentator
declaring the game over and defiant chants of You’ll Never Walk Alone from the
Kop. Victory was theirs.

Of course, Liverpool are
more “Spursy” than Spurs are, and there was no way they would pass up an
opportunity to get involved in all the
snatching-a-draw-from-the-jaws-of-victory that was going on. A long throw to
Spurs in the penultimate minute of injury-time saw Fernando Llorente nod on for
Érik Lamela. Competing for the ball was Liverpool’s Virgil Van Dijk, Liverpool’s
defensive saviour and guardian of all that is red, who instead of clearing the
ball, decided to kick Lamela as hard as he could in the back of the knee. Or,
according to one camera angle doing the rounds on Twitter, barely brushed the
Argentine with a gentle swing of his right foot, before “Coco” collapsed in
agony. A second penalty was given, Kane showed the “big balls” that Pochettino hailed
in the post-match aftermath to tuck his finish away into the bottom right-hand
corner, and shortly afterwards, referee Jon Moss blew the whistle on a
gloriously insane game of football, the craziest draw that Liverpool have been
involved in since…last month against Arsenal.

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Author

James Dick

When James Dick isn't writing for Topgolf, you can find him agonising over Tottenham Hotspur's title prospects and listening to obscure hip-hop artists that nobody else cares about.