Look at this one, then. A mushroom that makes you
grow or shrink. Talking flowers. A cat that disappears, leaving
only its smile. A talking rabbit.

Weird, how about anything more in a marijuana-type
thing?

Got just the thing. Here you go.

Something Wicked This Way Comes. That's like
marijuana?

Oh yeah, man. I smoked through this one book in one
night. First it made me paranoid, then the next thing you know I
have the munchies. I had to read three Bradbury short story
collections to get rid of them.

What about coke?

Better than that, man. Here's some stuff that goes
really fast and gets you up really high, but, uh, then you've got
to have more.

Hmm. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. What if I
get hooked, man?

Well, there's two more of those, and then you can
tune into A Wizards of Earthsea or A Wrinkle in
Time.

But what then?

I'm always here, man.

I don't know. I mean, my parents tell me I should read all
the time.

Do they read?

Uh, no. But they watch TV movies made from
books.

So, like, do you think they want you to
read? Wouldn't they be doing it themselves if they really approved
of it? I mean, they didn't go out and get their tongues pierced,
did they?

Uh, I guess you're right.

Lots of adults don't want you to read this stuff,
man. This book was banned in Kansas.

Well, that's not very hard.

It's more than Kansas. Harry Potter is under
attack in Minnesota, Michigan, New York, California, and South
Carolina. The Wizard of Oz has been challenged in nearly
every state in the country. Every book I offer has been challenged
or banned in the last ten years.

Coooooooool. They don't want me to read this stuff? Why
not?

They're afraid, man. They don't want you to know
what's in these books. They think if a kid can't read about it,
they won't know about it, and if they don't know about it, it won't
happen.

Like, I don't know about this stuff already?

I don't understand it. They never think it through.
If you don't read about this stuff, the only way to find out about
it is to actually do it. I mean, really, do you want to find
out about war and violence by running into it for real? Do you want
to find out about getting your heart broken by letting it happen?
This stuff is the ultimate virtual reality simulator.

It's just a book, man.

You don't get it. You drop some of these words, do
some of these verbs, pop a few short-shorts, and it does stuff to
you. It puts pictures in your head. It takes you places light years
away from home, thousands of years into the future or the past,
into the lives of people you'd never meet around here. You can have
happy childhoods, miserable ones, find out what it's like to be
rich, be poor, older, really old, be a girl, be a parent, be an
alien. Be a hero, be a villain, save the world or end it. That's
gotta change your head.

And they don't want that, man. You start seeing
other ways to behave, other things you can be. Different things
from what they want. They lose control.

Does it piss them off?

So much, man.

Duuuuuuuuuude. Sign me up. How much?

The first one is always free.

Uh, okay. Ummm, well, I'll take this one.

Catcher in the Rye? Excellent choice. Been
in trouble ever since it was published forty-eight years ago.
[voice shift] A fascinating and enlightening description of our
human condition.

What did you say?

Uh, nothing.

Wait a minute. I could swear I just recognized your voice.
Let me look at you.

Get away.

Take off those sunglasses, man. Hey, your goatee came off in
my hand. I know you.

No, you don't, kid. I'm just a businessman trying
to push a little product.

No, you're not! You're Mr. Dobbs, the eleventh grade English
teacher! What are you trying to pull here?

I'm not pulling. I'm pushing. [heavy sigh] Don't
give me away, kid. Do you know what they pay teachers in this
state? I'm just trying to make a little money.

What for?

My habit. [clears throat] Uh, first editions of
John Steinbeck. You still want the book?