A satirical view into the world of online dating and personal ad writing on Craigslist

Just Call Me Master By Michael Brown

Sometimes I truly amaze myself with the crap I come up with. I know there are a lot of sports fans out there and many of whom feel that life could not go on without sports. My buddy Colin is one of them; well I don’t like sports that much, which is why Colin was surprised when I came up with this idea for an ad.

This ad was about a stereotypical white trash NASCAR fan who loved to dominate women. I figured there was someone out there who was looking for our Knight in brown Carhartt.

Hey there ladies and more ladies, Thank you for taking the time out to read my wonderful post. What I’m looking for is a woman that I can control one that does what she is told and never says no. I like being called master, because I am the master of this castle and won’t have anything less. So things I enjoy are fishing, hunting, NASCAR, and drinking with my friends. I love Budweiser because it is just like me a KING. Anyways I’m really looking forward to meeting a woman that wants kids and likes being controlled. I have a very dominate personality and I love to control my women. The only thing that I ask of you is when we go out you let me pick what you are eating. Just so you understand who’s the master.

Thank you BitchesJohnny PriceI have posted a picture of my favorite NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt JRThat son of a bitch sure knows how to drive a car!!

This ad, like a lot of our early works was pretty shitty. I don’t think we even went back and revised any of the early stuff; we just got the idea and boom on the web for the idiot masses to see.

The ad was up no more than 15 minutes and I had received a reply, the e-mail was from what we like to refer to as a beached whale. This lady was a huge bitch. She said that she could not believe I had posted an ad like this. She said no one would reply to the ad and that I had deep seeded issues since I like to control women. She told me to go join the Jehovah’s Witnesses because men in that church love to control women. Fortunately for me, our friend here was pretty willing to listen to whatever I told her. I told her that the only way she would see a picture of me was to call me master. At first she was reluctant but after about 15 minutes of e-mailing back and forth she finally caved and called me master. Stupid bitch! I finally just came out and told her the ad was fake and she was pissed! I guess you really can’t help stupid people.

Another e-mail was from a real freak. She was really into being controlled. I was shocked to actually find a women like this on Craigslist, but truth be told I’m not surprised she was there after what she told me. She told me that she had been in many abusive relationships in the past and that she had accepted the inevitability that she would be with a controlling person. She said that she had three children with three different men and wanted me as a role model for them. I told her that I wanted her to call me master and that I was not going to work or support her or the three kids and she said it was okay that she would support me. I was shocked, I thought this lady is seriously fucked. She said she loved NASCAR and would basically wait on me hand and foot. I decided that I had better not get to deep into something I couldn’t deal with and just tell her that I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything with her. She actually scared me. This was a truly crazy lady with very Stockholm syndrome like tendencies and I quickly changed my e-mail address and got away from her.

So there is a saying, “if you build it, they will come.” In the world of online dating on Craigslist, “If you post it, they will respond.” Desperation brings out the best in people, it amazes’ me even today the lengths people will go too just to not be alone in this life. I mean, good lord, do you really want to be with a beer swilling redneck wife beater? Apparently, Yes! Thanks again Craigslist for all the fun you provide me.

1 comment:

LMAO! I don't know how you guys come up with these but they are really hysterical. I have no doubt that no matter how trashy your ads are you'll get women to respond. Like they say, there's an ass for every seat!