A document making the rounds online will either make you laugh so hard you’ll cry, or cry so hard you’ll laugh. Either way, get ready for a lot of feelings. Hero blogger Alvin McEwen gathered some of the craziest, scariest, meanest, weirdest things that the religious right has to say about LGBTs, and put them into one exhaustive document. Titled “How They See Us,” it’s climbed its way to the top of the Scribd’s political category over the last few months. Here are a few of our favorite excerpts, emphasis ours throughout.

• “My belief is that if the medical community would just step forward and just would share with the American people what happens to the male anus, the problems that homosexuals have with their rectums, the damage that is done, the operations that are needed to sew up their bodies if you will, and how many of the men don’t even give these stitches time to heal before they are back out there practicing that wicked behavior. Some are bleeders, men who are not turned off by ingesting the feces of other men.” – North Carolina pastor Patrick Wooden

• “Hitler discovered that he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough to carry out his orders, but that homosexual solders basically had no limits and the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict on whomever Hitler sent them after. So he surrounded himself, virtually all of the Stormtroopers, the Brownshirts, were male homosexuals.” – Bryan Fischer, American Family Association

• “A. P. Bell and M. S. Weinberg, in their classic study of male and female homosexuality, found that 43 percent of white male homosexuals had sex with five hundred or more partners, with 28 percent having 1,000 or more sex partners” – Homosexuality, Placing Children at Risk

hat we have is the gay Gestapo who go out and try to intimidate morally, economically, professionally, and personally anyone who speaks out against the homosexual agenda.” – Jeffrey Kuhner, The Washington Times

• “…what we have is the gay Gestapo who go out and try to intimidate morally, economically, professionally, and personally anyone who speaks out against the homosexual agenda.” – Jeffrey Kuhner, The Washington Times

• “Homosexual activists claim their lifestyle, which in some cases includes thousands of sexual partners, should be sanctioned, protected and granted special rights by society.” – Focus on the Family

Or that we’re mentally ill and that radical gay activists managed to convince the psychiatric community back in the late 60’s to delist homosexuality as a mental illness. It was erroneously listed in the first place!

To sum it up, here’s why that happened :

By the end of the 19th century, medicine and psychiatry were effectively competing with religion and the law for jurisdiction over sexuality. As a consequence, discourse about homosexuality expanded from the realms of sin and crime to include that of pathology. This historical shift was generally considered progressive because a sick person was less blameful than a sinner or criminal

I should also point out that while gay haters usually only focus on gay male sex and the alleged grossness of anal sex – “gross, shit comes out of there! That’s so nasty. Gays are filthy!” – they somehow forget that semen comes out of the very same organ that URINE comes out of. I’m just making a point.

I also have the feeling that the 20th century’s crazy penchant for super hygienic cleanliness, while obviously beneficial to large degrees, reduced the body to a diseased foreign element in constant need of cleansing which MAY have put gay people, specifically gay men, into a damned position whereby our very sex acts, whilst shared with straight people, became more “evidence” that we were dirty things. This can all be boiled down to religious concepts of original sin and the evils of the naked form.

May 15, 2013 at 2:34 pm · @Reply ·

Hillers

@Deepdow: They also blithely forget that straight people engage in anal sex, too. It’s a whole freakin’ sub-genre in straight porn.

May 15, 2013 at 2:52 pm · @Reply ·

D P

Dammit! I’m below my quota! Alright, form the line on the left…

May 15, 2013 at 3:02 pm · @Reply ·

queerty1958

Comment number 2 about the skeletons…
It’s better than being a bunch of morbidly obese bigots waiting to die and thinking they’re having eternal life with their imaginary man in the sky. What a waste of a life?

May 15, 2013 at 3:28 pm · @Reply ·

dnyboy

I’ve seen this “Homosexuals were in league with Hitler!” thing a few times. I honestly can’t even think of where the idea came from. They do realize that homosexuals were one of the groups targetted in the Holocaust, right?

Ernst Rohm was the leader of the brownshirts (S.A.), which was known to be comprised by a large minority of homosexuals. When Hitler consolidated power in 1934, Rohm and other gay nazis were killed off, along with a lot of other non-gay nazi leaders, in an attempt to stifle any opposition.
The Nazi party actually had a lot of gay members in the beginning, especially in the 1920s and the early 1930s, but then afterwards it became actively homophobic.

It’s all very complex, but there are historical reasons for this. In the last nineteenth century and early 20th, back to nature all male societies sprung up in Germany in response to anti-industrialization. This group of young men was considered to be minimally homo-centric….anyway, they became the soldiers of ww1, got disenchanted during the 20s because of losing the war unheroically and because of the economy…Weimar Republic was pretty tolerable to gays..enter Hitelr : “Restore Germany!” .. things happened.

It’s a very complex set of circumstances. I’m in no way implying that the Nazis loved gays or actively recruited them or that the Nazi party had significant numbers of gay members, but I am saying that gay men were leaders in the party and they had a presence, albeit shadowed, initially – just like every other all male anything ever in the history of civilizations.

May 15, 2013 at 4:12 pm · @Reply ·

Ogre Magi

I am sooooooooo sick of christians and all their crap!

May 15, 2013 at 5:57 pm · @Reply ·

SamiJ

It’s worth noting that “Legitimate Deathstyle” comic has some seriously hilarious elements, like the bit where the guy being informed about the horrors of homosexuality is told, queasily, that homosexuality involves… kissing. (He nearly throws up.) “Many sexual and non-sexual diseases are spread through saliva,” it adds.

Because apparently kissing is both gross and gay and heterosexuals obviously never do it.

@Ogre Magi: I’d like to point out that not all Christians do this stuff – not even a majority do. And some Christians are also gay.

May 15, 2013 at 7:15 pm · @Reply ·

SamiJ

@dnyboy: As Deepdow said, the Sturmabteilung was, initially, actually quite heavily gay until the Night of the Long Knives.

The Nazi Party’s militia gangs were in two categories: the Brownshirts and the Blackshirts. The Brownshirts were the SA, and were a fine collection of fit young men who in many cases liked to bang other fit young men, and they were vital up until the point where Hitler actually had control of Germany.

After which point quite a lot of them were killed, and the Blackshirts, the SS, took over, alongside the expanding Gestapo.

The Night of the Long Knives was a bloodbath.

Of course, linking gays and Hitler is still kind of overtly stupid, since while yes, a subset of his adherents were gay, the majority were still straight, sort of like how a subset of everybody is gay. You’ll just get a higher-than-population-average representation of gay men if you’re looking at a group of young, healthy, attractive men who like to hang out with other young, healthy, attractive men.

Essentially: The Sturmabteilung! Join for the hot gay sex, stay for the politics! Or the other way around! … just quit and leave the country, and possibly Europe, by 1934.

May 15, 2013 at 7:28 pm · @Reply ·

J W G

These are good reasons for gay men and women to NOT get too comfortable with all that is going on in our favor. It is hard to say what we really have GENUINELY accomplished in the political arena as of late and what would be fashionable acceptance capable of turning at any time. We were fashionable in 1980 as well. Four years later we were lepers who deserved AIDS. I’m not saying everyone abandoned us in those dark days but a large portion of Americans did.
As long as this kind of slander and hate mongering is publicly addressed without any kind of social consequence or backlash then I’d say that this is insidious, dangerous and not EVER to be taken blithely. Don’t get too comfortable. There are people who hate us and wish us eradicated! Be vigilant!

May 15, 2013 at 7:39 pm · @Reply ·

Teleny

The sewn anus one is really bizarre… I’ve never heard that one before.

May 15, 2013 at 7:56 pm · @Reply ·

Kangol

“Anti-gay bigots” are obsessed with gay people because anti-gay bigots can’t deal with their own gay feelings. They need to get help and leave gay people alone. It’ll be good for everyone involved, including therapists, who could use the work.

May 15, 2013 at 11:45 pm · @Reply ·

swoeck

Hmm, I keep wondering who is having hundreds of sex partners? Certainly not me or those that I know in my area. Also where I am wondering how I can make all that money? I am gay not making a lot of money and not having sex. I guess waiting for sex with the one guy I want to spend my life with as a Christian and Gay man goes against what all those pathetic lying douche bag “Christians” arr saying. Yes I did believe them at one time too and went through all types of stuff denying who I am but then I realized God does not hate me nor does He want me to be alone – all Biblical. So when I bring that up to my conservative friends it shuts them up.

I always say, you go to heaven for the climate, you go to hell for the company.

May 16, 2013 at 5:42 am · @Reply ·

frankiefrancisco

I am so over this gay haters saying that gay porn and gay sex is gross. HELLO!! Stop your b.s. because straight porn is just the same. They do basically the same things. We all experiment and play the same ways. Watch all porn and see. It’s just politics : /

May 16, 2013 at 7:39 am · @Reply ·

frankiefrancisco

@frankiefrancisco: All bodies are beautiful! Sex is Beautiful and fun! Stop attempting to use sex as a weapon! MMmm, sounds like a Pat Benatar song haha! love her! new music PB please!

May 16, 2013 at 7:41 am · @Reply ·

tdx3fan

Never underestimate the stupidity that can be spewed by the losing side when they know that they are losing, and never underestimate the stupidity of those willing to believe it. This reminds me of all the crap that has been said by every minority since forever.

May 16, 2013 at 8:23 am · @Reply ·

tdx3fan

@Deepdow: Yeah, but when they are laying in bed with their wives, girlfriends and mistresses, they fail to realize that shit comes out of the hole they are begging her to let them stick it into. The problem with complaining about gay anal sex is that more straight guys are fascinated with anal sex than turned off by it as long as the partner is a female.

May 16, 2013 at 8:26 am · @Reply ·

tdx3fan

@dnyboy: Unfortunately, the idea has merit… although you really have to twist and turn to give it that merit. One of Hitler’s leading generals was gay and surrounded himself with gay soldiers. That group was part of the original protection of Hitler until Hitler had them all executed because they were homosexuals. That last part is where the talking heads of the right cut the story apart because it is only there where their ideas do not hold water.

May 16, 2013 at 8:29 am · @Reply ·

balehead

Actually the homosexuals targeted by Hitler usually also had to be communists….just sayin..

Very true, however unlike 1980, when I guess you could say we were newer to the public sphere, these days there are laws against discrimination, gay marriage in several nations and in several states, a few generations who have its majority as being accustomed to equality, and the U.N. of all organizations declaring that GLBT violence is a concern of theirs. I do understand your point and I will remain vigilant. Thankfully, we have science, logic and history on our side. As long as Constitutions exist and as long as religion NEVER again strangles existence – we should be fine.

May 16, 2013 at 1:40 pm · @Reply ·

Charles175

The way to crush these lies is for all of us to live open and honest amongst the people. In this those around us will see the truth in who and what we actually are. In this their lies and their subsequent propaganda will be easily crushed.

@SamiJ: Thank you so much! I am a gay christian and I don’t see how making generalizations about christians is any better than them making generalizations about gay people. The problem is the name christian is too freely used today. Anyone can call themselves a christian but it doesn’t mean it’s true.

May 17, 2013 at 1:17 pm · @Reply ·

J W G

@GayJ: A ‘true’ Christian. Which confuses me. The way I see it, a Christian is a belief in the resurrection of The Christ, born of a virgin, son of the one God and his accent to heaven to sit on the right hand of God, his father. However! Interpretations of biblical text varies greatly. It seems everyone with their Christian agenda calls themselves the true faith, from Westboro Baptist to The Christian left. This is nothing new. Much blood has been spilled infighting in the name of “the true faith”, the reformation, the Spanish inquisition, Medice’s (sic) bonfire of the vanities to mention a few. What is a ‘true’ Christian? Christ never said anything about gays, not once! But I do not consider Christ the founder of Christianity. St Paul (a raging homophobic) and St Augustine perhaps are more likely the founders. Paul plainly condemns homosexuality in…Romans? And that is why, as a gay man, I cannot call myself a Christian although I respect your faith.

May 18, 2013 at 7:53 am · @Reply ·

J W G

@J W G: @Deepdow: Unfortunately I have a strong distrust for our laws now days. California passed a gay marriage bill and then promptly voted for proposition 8. I wish our laws were engraved in stone but in this digital age they just seem to follow fashion and can repeal on any arbitrary whim (I keep falling on that word fashion) And if the supreme court shoots marriage equality down this June (which they very well might do, I do hope not!) all bets are off. I apologize, I have been stumping for gay rights now for 42 years and I just don’t trust straight America, or any other’s for that matter. How many country’s in the world still prosecute homosexuals?, some with death! Look it up. It’s shocking. We uppity queers are a small minority, unfortunately.

May 18, 2013 at 8:09 am · @Reply ·

jamal49

There is nothing even remotely funny about those comments, even if they’ve been presented as a “there they go again those crazy anti-gay wingnuts” type of snark. Listen, the people who write or speak these things have an audience in the hundreds of thousands. Their audience votes. We can sit here and think that such vile untruths can’t possibly be taken seriously anymore but these comments ARE taken seriously. People BELIEVE this stuff about us. You know and I know that those people ARE wing-nuts. They ARE crazy. They ARE hateful bigots. But those hateful bigots and their hundreds of thousands of followers VOTE. Don’t be lulled–EVER–by our recent victories for equality. Where Republicans and conservatives and right-wing-nuts are concerned, we are always one step away from being voted back into a regressive homophobic society that we have struggled to free ourselves from for all these years.

May 18, 2013 at 10:19 am · @Reply ·

J W G

@jamal49: I fully agree with you. This whole pro-gay band wagon could change with the wind. It’s too bad. The general public can be like sheep. All it would take would be some good looking charismatic bigot (Paul Ryan? Marco Rupio? Ted Cruz God help us?) and it’s back to square 1. Like I said, I don’t trust straight America. I saw how they turned on us in 1984. Keep an eye on those dangerous homophobe’s I mentioned.

May 18, 2013 at 2:27 pm · @Reply ·

GayJ

@J W G: By true christian I meant someone who tries their best to live as godly as possible as apposed to someone who says I’m a christian and then goes out and murders twelve people.