Where weird shit hits bizarre fans.

Month

March 2016

This knife was a bit of a weird fascination for me since before it I wasn’t a huge fan of folding knives and I’d never even heard of Spyderco let lone would I ever be able to admire their unique beauty.
They’re odd looking knives but they’re so iconic and functional that you have to respect the craftmanship and utilitarian nature and the subtle curves of an effortlessly elegant knife such as a spyderco.
I became fixated on this knife in particular after I saw what was close enough to it in a punisher comic.

I really loved the idea of such a small nimble deadly little knife like that taking on someone with a machete. That sneaky way you can open it without looking using the spyder hole. Finding the edge alignment just right, waiting for the moment they’re close enough for you to launch one quick strike before they can even raise their knife. The serrated blade cutting evenly and quickly.
The knife is tiny, its probably the smallest folder I own since I collect just for show, so I like bigger flashier folders not so much utilitarian edcs. But something about it’s vicious utility and the idea of such a small knife being so deadly like a spider bite really intrigued me and I had to have one similiar.

The delica is the closest I could find, the blade may be a little rounder, the knife from the comic is more like a smaller version of the spyderco police which has that little top unsharpened swedge. But I never really liked the police and I wanted a three inch hide away type knife and there was something that irked me about having the word POLICE on the side of my knife, and I wasn’t really feeling the stainless steel handle scales.So the delica fit perfectly.

The delica 4 is just under 3 inches of serrated cutting mini-samurai sword haha. Made with beautiful vg-10 all the way from seki city japan. The only knife I think I have from seki city so far.

Black frn handles, a tight back lock, and 4 way pocket clip. Its a really snug grip in the hand, weighs almost nothing. I’ve had this knife in my pocket and completely forgot it was there. It chokes up really nice and favors, due to the size, a forward filipino knife grip. That’s like a forward sabre grip with the thumb on the back of the knife. It has some really nice jimping so it stays perfectly still for cutting.

The blade itself is very strong and ridiculously sharp, the serrations are probably the sharpest serrations I’ve ever encountered, kicks coldsteels ass cold haha. Once you have the edle alignment right this little thing cuts like no other knife I’ve ever owned, it’s scary smooth cuts.

Overall I just love how small and compact it is and how much deadly power you can get from such a delicate knife. If you need it for household shit as an everyday carry I’d recommend it, it carves through cardboard and plastic like it’s possessed, it cuts anything. And I wouldn’t be that hard pressed to use it for defence if I was inclined. Not home defence, I’d probably go for the more traditional baseball bat, my personal favourite the cold steel brooklyn shorty. But if you were in a country that allowed legal carry of lock knives under 3 inches, I’d say take this.

Snappy title eh? Bet you can’t guess by that and the comic strip show I feel about this trailer.
It’s about the only thing about this rant that will be snappy, I’m chomping at the bit to keep this short and not devolve into gutteral grunting noises and end it by curling up into the fetal position crying and sucking my thumb. I really have to keep this controlled or I’m gonna write a manifesto and be accused of the dreaded MUH-SOGGY-KNEES!

Ok enough preamble, let’s get up in this bitch… err lady… err ladies… err gender nonspecific pronouns.
The first thing about this trailer and I watched it and I sort of let it just roll over my eyes not really letting it go in the first time I watched it. But subsequently I watched reaction video after reaction video and seriously I must have watched at least fifty different reaction videos on youtube. Just trying to make sure this was real and I hadn’t entered an alternate dimension of pure concentrated SUCK.
So I’m gonna be really anal and not talk about the trailer and instead talk about the reactions to the trailer haha. The first funny thing is almost every male reviewer and male’s are obviously the majority of people reviewing this trailer… COS SEXISM! No. But they almost always (I always get fucking side tracked) had to give the a little caveat before addressing the female cast.*DISCLAIMER* I am not nor have I ever been a member of the communist party… err I mean I’m not a misogynist.

Obviouly not as melodramatic as that but not far off. And I think it speaks volumes about this PATRIARCHY we obviously live in when almost every man on the internet is so shit scared of being called a misogynist they have to prostrate themselves on the alter of feminism and beg forgiveness for the audacity of having a negative opinion about a movie with a holy vagina carier in it.
Ok mini rant ceased!
Just had to get that out of the way and of course there were women reviewers who tore it apart too so no one especially not sony can really claim like they’ve been trying that it’s neckbeard heman woman haters hammering the living fuck out of the dislike button.
Someone even said that even gods of egypt which tanked had a higher like to dislike ratio on it’s trailer, but the new Ghostbusters trailer almost has double the dislikes than likes. So either the world is just full of misogynists and women with ‘internalized misogyny’ or this trailer is a steaming pile of ectoplasm.
What’s wrong with the trailer you ask? What the fuck is right with it? I ask you.
It starts off with this stupid piano version of the old theme ripping off when jurassic world did it. Then it says ‘thirty years ago four scientists saved new york’ and people have rightly latched onto this as bullshit for two reasons.
Reason one; this movie has claimed to be a reboot but is now acknowledging the previous films as if it’s a direct canonical sequel to the other two. And I’ve had it under good sources that the returning cast are appearing as cameos that are completely unrelated to the characters they played in the first, they’re just random guys held at contractual gun point by sony to prance around and bring in more people to watch this mess.
Reason two; there were technically only two scientists, Egon and Ray, Winston was more or less a temp and Venkman was a quack paraspychologist, which is not science any more than crystal skulls are a diet plan.
So the trailer hasn’t even started and it’s poked a hole in it’s own colostomy bag.Then we’re introduced to a recreation of the library scene from the original but instead of this creepy vibe punctuated with sarcastic comedy, we get an instant jump scare gross out visual gag which Feig is known for. The ghost just does an excorcist and pukes all over Kristen Wiig and then a follow up joke is implied when she talks about how the gunk got in all her cracks, haha vaginas and bums, so funny.

But wait that’s only the start of the non jokes. There’s also a joke where Kristen Wiig and the always nauseating Mellissa Mcarthy say ‘let’s go’ at the same time and awkwardly apologise politely and this is a joke, it’s just fucking cringe central.

We’re introduced to the characters in such a cringe worthy way ‘oh what’s her face you’re the best at quantum whatever, oh Egon clone, you do stuff that’s relevent to the plot’ and more to that effect. Oh and the black chick has a car. And of course she is a total token, loud black character ‘Oh lordy, I’m so black and large and loud’. And for a movie sort of aimed at that social justice crowd, fuck the haters progressive bullshit thinly veiled cashgrab, it seemed like an odd choice to not make her a scientist too. Or atleast choose a black actor that isn’t written like a fucking minstrel. And the car is a herse, the original car was an old ambulance, so either they did that on purpose because they’re fucking retards or the people making this reboot didn’t know the ghostbusters car was an ambulance, either out come is bad, it’s all bad folks. It’s idiots all the way down.
The effects look ok, there’s too much cg, I much prefer phsysical effects, even now that freaks me out, puppets and shit man.
Then there’s a joke where one of them wears a wig and a hat, no seriously that’s a joke, that’s a joke in this film. Go look for yourself.
Then there’s some ghostbusting montage and bit of Chris Hemsworth actually making women want to see this movie as opposed to making them all collectively yawn. Then the last joke of the trailer is Mcarthy getting possessed by the ghost of purest cringe. This scene is almost painful to watch as the black ghostbuster Patti basically slaps the ghost jizz out of Mcarthy ripping off excorcist again with such gems as “The power of Patty compels you!”
I mean seriously, you know that movie is forty years old right? So the new generous your trying to appeal to only tangentially understand that that’s a joke at all, not that it is, it’s not funny. And it doesn’t become funnier when you say ‘That’s gonna leave a mark’ after as if stating facts is now humour. I mean fuck that isn’t even a joke but its so old and so tired.
All in all it’s terrible, between the cast and the writing and the feel and Melissa Mcarthy punching ghosts with proton knuckle dusters, to quote tumblr; I just can’t even.
Honestly it’s not even so much the cast, I have no idea who Leslie Jones is but she’s not funny going by the trailer and in the international trailer it’s even worse and they get upstaged by Hemsworth of all people.
The chick who plays the new Egon I have never heard of but she’s like the token hot one I guess but she didn’t seem to do much.
Melissa Mcarthy plays the same character in every movie, which can be summed up in four syllables; FATTY FALL DOWN!
She’s just a female Chris Farly and it was barely funny when he did it.
I actually like Kristen Wiig, I’ve seen her in some pretty funny stuff and she’s actually the only cast member I approve of. But the tone and the writing seems so silly and so jilted and inorganic I don’t see how it can be funny.
I can’t really say my big bugbear is with the cast, I honestly think this movie would still suck even if you had all the original cast including using hoodoo to bring back Harold Ramis, who is as we speak spinning so hard and fast in his grave he’s achieved total plutonic reversal without crossing the streams.
The tone and the feel and the direction is all wrong and I’ve seen a leaked synopsis of the script and it sounds fucking awful. It doesn’t feel like a ghostbusters movie and far be it for me to try and encapsulate what that is in the summation of this blog. But this movie just feels like a summer comedy, it’s like an snl skit that got out of hand and grew into a film like mould.

It’s just silly, the reason people loved the tone of the original gb is because it was a film first and a comedy second. If you removed the humour it would still be an interesting film, the comedy is inconsequental, it’s just there, it’s just a result of the tone and natural chemistry between the cast and that’s why it works so well, it’s not forced its organic.
This movie seems to just be a vehicle for terrible jokes, like the story and everything else is just decoration, it’s bridesmaids wearing the skin of ghostbusters without the swearing.

I don’t really begrudge the cast for making it, from what I’ve heard they’ve mostly gone into hiding and the entire cast and crew was forced to sign a second nda to prevent leaks. And there have been no real marketing pushes I’ve seen except a carcher pressure wash ad I just saw with the ghostbusters logo, wow sony, really pushing the boat out.
You know it’s damage control, they know it’s going down like the titanic they’re just trying to save as much money as possibly now by limiting the marketing and telling people to shut up as well as deleting all the negative comments that aren’t also sexist and racist in order to make their detractors all half a million of them look like Donald Trump supporters haha *wink wink nod nod current events*.

Honestly I thought this movie was going to be ok, I mean I knew I was going to hate it because I hate everything, I’m probably the anti-christ or distantly related to Hitler. But I thought it would be ok, like it would be funny, because I hear nothing but benign things about Paul Feig and people seem to suck Mcarthy’s dick but people like Amy Schumer and I want to throw her under a thresher. Fuck can you imagine if they cast her and Sarah Silverman, see looking on the bright side, it could have been worse.

Now excuse me while I raid my cupboards for whiskey soaked coasters to suck.

Latest chapter of Green Sunday go figure. I’ve been all over the place recently got back on facebook and I’m just enjoying rustling as many jimmies as I can, trying to get back into a rhythm with my blogging and writing so I can get this done before nanowrimo.

~
A drone camera buzzes over the scene behind TJ’s house, out of sight, too high up to be heard. It’s ambivalent gaze documenting everything. It’s lens flitting about like that of an insects eye. The monitor feed from Evergreen’s deployment truck glared as he grinned back. The feed reflected in his goggles.

“She got too close to the perimeter of the game zone. Looks like she was taken out by beta team” The nerd at the console said as he looked over the footage again. “Very clean, she won’t have felt a thing.” Murray straightened his glasses on his face with a morbid sense of appreciation. “They really are the best sir”.

“Yes sir, beginning stage three” The tech said as he turned back to his console.

~

Helicopter blades cutting through a virulent wind. Casting rain in wide dispersal patterns as the heavy behemoths rocked back and forth.

Military transport helicopters for carrying battlements or vehicles to the field. Four in all, carrying heavy metal containers. They looked like smooth industrial shipping containers. But both the containers and the choppers were completely unmarked.

“Roger that, we’re estimated four hours out of the drop zone. Good morning, if this rain lets up, it’s gonna be a beautiful day” The chopper pilot in front said over his radio.

~

“You kept me waiting.” Carpenter whispered as he twisted barbed point of the arrow under Dave’s chin. Dave grimaced dropping his torch and Kukri.

“Killing me will do you no good, I’m not a part of the game, I’m just his assistant!”

Carpenter took Dave by his shoulders and threw him down on the dirty linoleum floor. He offered little resistance and fell at the side of the dead woman drinking the milkshake. His fall caused her to shift in her seat. Sliding down the bench to rest her face right next to Dave as he attempted to dust himself off. He turned his head in the dark. Just with the dim light of his torch on the floor he could see he was in kissing range of the gaping exit wound in her face. Her hair brushed aside by her sliding down the bench.

“Oh shit!”

“‘Oh shit’ indeed” Carpenter chuckled as he picked up both Dave’s torch and his Kukri knife.

“What do you want?”

Carpenter put the torch under his chin and smiled like a ghoul in an old monster movie “A way out”.

“Why would I know the way?”

“Do you like scary movies?” Carpenter said smiling the torch still under his chin. He poked each yellow tooth with his tongue in turn. “You don’t think there was someone like you and your butt buddy up there the last time?” Carpenter let out a bitter little breathy laugh. He shook the beam of the torch around feigning hysterics. “It’s a sick world we live”.

He marched up on Dave and stomped on the leg closest to him, Dave let out an anguished cry like an injured animal.

Carpenter crouched down next to Dave shining the torch in his face. Dave cowered under the beam guarding his eyes with his hand. Carpenter saw it immediately and snickered to himself. Thinking of something poetic to say at this karmic justice he’d send on its way. “Feeling all right? Fever? Dry mouth? Itching under the skin? E-rectile dysfunction?”.

Dave looked up at him and swallowed a dry gob of spit “There’s a helicopter. North side of town, by the abandoned railyard, but it’s guarded, you’ll never make it alone”.

Carpenter gave him that wide devil grin and stood up turning around to walk away. Tossing the torch and the kukri carelessly on the ground as he left Dave scrabbling in the dark.

“I’m not alone, not anymore.”

~

TJ couldn’t move, his body rooted to the ground by chains of empty regret. His limbs all feeling hollow and heavy at the same time.

“TJ, it’s Sunday, I know we just met, but you have to trust me. I used you, I’m not a good person. But I can make it up to you, if you live” Sunday whispered in TJ’s ear as lay on the cold damp grass of his backyard. A light drizzle approaching accompanied by muffled threats of dull aching thunder.

TJ remained perfectly still. Sunday swallowed and turning him over with much effort he flopped onto his back. His eyes were open, vacant and grey. His mouth hung open a fraction and fluttered. As if he was trying to say something but didn’t have enough energy to move his whole mouth.

“TJ, can you hear me? We need to move” TJ didn’t react, his eyes fixed open in something similar to a silent scream. “You’re gonna come with me, ok?” She spoke to him crouched over him. Walking around the back of the snorlax-like individual. She hooked her dainty little hands under his sweaty pits. Lifting him with some noticeable effort. “Urf fuck you’re heavy”

She turned him around and dragged him in the direction of his house “Ergh! This would be a lot easier if you just hrrff hrrff stood up and you know, walked”

She got him back into the kitchen which felt a lot colder now. Closing the door she looked out the window out at the back of his house. Her body lying there looked almost beautiful. She took a moment and breathed in and out feeling her icy breath swirling around in her chest. “It could have been worse” she sighed as the rain rolled in.

TJ is an underachieving tubby neckbeard in his early twenties still living with his mother in their suburban home in a rural Midwestern American mountain town, in which he’s convinced will be infested with zombie soon.

Unfortunately for him, the zombie apocalypse already came and went with more of a hiccup than a big bang. Happening in a small isolated town, it was quickly isolated and contained by the army and a government contractor which referred not to be named. But TJ still holds out hope that the apocalypse will get a sequel in his lifetime collecting various weapons and zombie paraphernalia with his meagre pocket money.

A chance meeting with an obnoxious green haired girl sets his suspicions into high gear as she seems to be the cusp of a series of strange visitors which begin to put the small mountain community on edge. Men in chemical suits block the bridges. Armed mercenaries line the woods making escape impossible. All lines of communication are cut off as the town is flooded with the living dead.

TJ unaware of the horror that has gripped his town goes down to the store for a quart of milk only to come face to face with the living dead completely caught off guard he faces his own death but is saved by the same green haired girl who had previously snubbed him. All his planning and fantasising had proved ineffectual coming face to face with the real thing completely out of the blue caused him to rethink his fascination with the living dead.

TJ rushes home to find that the fantasy he’d imagined the zombie apocalypse to be falls completely short and he’s unwittingly stumbled onto a deep web reality tv show where real lives are on the line.

The green haired girl follows TJ, revealing that her name is Sunday, a survivor from the previous town that was, as he now realises intentionally infected for the purposes of this sick game.

The game takes place over three days and is fought for points, each day sectioned off into different rounds. The first day/round covers the initial outbreak, each zombie is designated points for kills, the second round is open season on survivors, combatant human’s become double points, the third round is the endgame, weapons and strange mutants are air dropped to wreak havoc on the remnants of the town. The audience paying to watch and take bets on the outcome, spectating through a series of drone cameras flying above the small town.

The aim of the game is to live, the winner with the most accumulated points wins, winning three consecutive games in a row wins the survivors freedom.

Sunday decides to take TJ under her wing and teach him what real apocalypse survival is about and actually help him to kill his first zombie, something he didn’t consider would be so hard after watching all those zombie movies where people decapitate them as easy as breathing.

Together they take on cheese grater wielding zombies, an insane biker gang and monsters right out of greek mythology to fulfil their modest goal of staying alive nothing more.

TJ learns that the way he saw himself up to this point was a lie and he stands on a precipice of whether to shatter that lie or embrace it and become it, take the girl and say to hell with reality.

He’s taken through the ringer as his life as he knew it is completely eviscerated and everyone he knew and loved is killed, his childhood home decimated, all bringing him closer to this strange girl and learning her boundless secrets and the mystery behind the sick game they find themselves trapped.

He has no choice but to fight and entertain the audience to secure his position as a returning character on the show. Using his hours of imaginary training in his back garden with his cheap novelty swords, he squares off against the living dead in a vain attempt at uncovering the mysterious group behind the annihilation of his once peaceful town.

Having survived the three days thanks to Sunday, TJ and Sunday seeing an opportunity to escape in the chaos of the endgame, seek out a series of tunnels in a missile silo some conspiracy nut turned into a survalist bunker. Coming face to face with the man that brought them here Mr. Evergreen.

Been critically retarded in the classical french usage of the word ‘to be held back’ by intense insanity workouts. I’m not in pain, I just feel like I’m dying, like I slipped into a coma and I’m trapped in a nightmare world of tiredness coffee cannot cure. Into the second month and my pudge be quelled, those lovehandles taking a pounding like an inflatable in Michael Barrymore’s pool. Been banned from facebook for excercising my freedom of speech a little too much so my social media presence is that of a nat at this moment but I dunno, fuck facebook, if only twitter didn’t look like the fast scrawling matrix code I’d make a full transition. But with their new speech codes I really don’t know where freedom of speech can hide on the internet anymore, soon we’ll have to go underground to be total assholes without repentance haha.
Anyway, still I find the strength the write and somehow to edit and proofread. So here is the first proofread of chapter 12, this is where the feels start people haha. Some action, some laughing some crying, some awkward boners, all that good stuff.Actually working towards the end now, getting to the real shit soon, should be all done and ready for proofreading by the end of next month, maybe later. So it’s all speed ahead to nanowrimo and maybe a novela in between now and november.

As always this is just an excerpt, I put the whole thing up on inkitt so you can read all the chapters in order from start to finish without having to trawl through this inane collection of ramblings and brainfarts I call a blog.

Read it here for free, all of it, no catches, no scams or add revenue, I don’t think, well be happy in the knowledge if there is, the money isn’t going to me, so add block that shit hard haha.

Candle light flickered on the counter top in TJ’s kitchen. A weary flame tossed back and forth by a careless breath or a sigh. TJ, his mother and Sunday huddled around the small kitchen table and ate in silence. A restrained rattling of cutlery hid polite coughs and awkward glances across the table. No one dared utter a word.

TJ’s mom just smiled at whomever would cast an eye her way, but it was a little cracked on one side.

They finished a humble meal of just some frozen pork chops and a garden salad from a re-sealable pack. Which his mother put back in the crisper at the bottom of the fridge. She cleared their plates “Mom let me help you”.

“It’s fine, you two wash up and get to bed. I set you two up on the couch until we can get your room tidied up” She sighed “It’s such a mess, you said an animal got in?”

“Yeah” TJ said as his hands slipped from the plates. he turned his head away and felt a cold steel ringing in the emptiness that was growing inside him.

She smiled as she took the plates to the dishwasher and loaded them in “It’s ok. I didn’t like any of those posters anyway, we can get it cleaned up in no time.” A weak laugh tried to escape her diaphragm but it didn’t quite make it and instead came out like pained hiccup.

TJ sat back down and looked at Sunday anxiously. She sat with her feet up on her seat poking at a very dry piece of lettuce trying not to be noticed. “I’m done.” She said as she pushed the table away and hopped off the seat. She swam through the tension in the little kitchen and escaped to the cosy solitude of the living room.

TJ bit his bottom lip and swallowed a dry lump, his chest feeling tight and hot.

“Goodnight” He said as he got up from the table and walked away. His footsteps light, barely made contact with the floor. The image of his mother at the kitchen sink got smaller and smaller as he left the room. That image of her burning into his memory.

~

“It’s almost time.” Evergreen sighed as he felt a strange elation washing over him. He kept it to himself inside his stoney exterior. “What do we have in stock?” He said through gritted teeth. A closeted eagerness eaked out in his voice as he leant against a high back chair in the operations van.

“Err a couple of chimeras, one of those big bastards and that new one.” The tech said as he handed Evergreen a small tablet computer over his shoulder.

Evergreen took it from the tech. He seemed to be getting a contact high of Evergreen’s steely excitement. He sat in his chair craning his neck to watch. Evergreen smiled flipping through the pictures on the tablet as it lit up his dark sharklike face. The mobile command centre was kept dark. Only lit by a series of monitors monitoring god knows what. Which covered the inside of what looked like a large tanker truck from the outside.

Noticing the attention he was getting from this eager little welp. He cast disparaging eye towards the tech. He was a younger guy maybe late twenties early thirties with shaggy blonde. A set of boxy glasses perched on a sharp nose. His name tag said his name was ‘Murray’. tossing the tablet in his lap. “Fuck it ‘Murray’, use’em all”.

Murray feeling a little exposed. Tilted his eyes down clearing his throat and adjusted his glasses and got back to work. “Yes sir, t-minus two hours to full release of specimens”.

~

Thanks for reading to check out the rest of this long ass chapter go to;

Got a lovely new review for Green Sunday from someone I’m totally not sleeping with, faerie author of delightfully whimsical fiction, Knicky Laurel. You can check her out at her fancy author page on facebook Knicky Laurel, and you can read Green Sunday for free on inkitt Green Sunday.

Something Special

I recently finished reading the first eight chapters of Ryk Brink’s Green Sunday, and one of the first of many things to hook me hard was his writing style. It’s metaphoric and pointed laser focus deeply analyses the story’s subject matter, and its razor-edge imagery is hauntingly precise – in other words, the unique way in which he describes the story as he tells it leaves you unable to unsee it that exact way, and you can’t help but agree with his word choice and direction. And I think that is the impression I came away with the most – Ryk is a director, but of words rather than movies, and while every directorial style isn’t to everyone’s taste, his just happens to be one I favour.
I think this style is deliciously juxtaposed with the irreverent, open wound that is Ryk’s sense of humour and is what gives this particular zom-pocalyse novel such a refreshing feel. From the mean-spirited manner in which it depicts our proxy, TJ Kincaid, to the lovesick relationship it clearly has with nonchalant but gratuitous violence, it is apparent that this work is not for the overly-sensitive reader. That said, if you have the balls to stomach it, it is a story that has many elements anyone with an open mind for a different kind of story can appreciate, including some very real human moments, as dark and serious and quiet as they are by turn light-hearted, playful and a little silly.
My favourite aspect of this novel, and it would seem that I am not alone in this, is the relationship between TJ and Sunday. There is something so appealing about the ebb and flow between her hardness and his innocence, and the nuances of the role reversal featuring her as the protector with him as the virgin sacrifice or the atypical dude-in-distress. The space between them is filled with the overtone of the entire work, the loud cheesy camaraderie with death TJ has in his imagination versus the one that permeates the very bleak, sordid reality that Sunday herself occupies.
All in all, there is so much to enjoy here – the style, the voice, the themes and how they all work to tell a story about characters you can really care about. You know the elements that comprise a work are promising when you find yourself reading ahead simply because you cannot take the tension of what you are presently reading in the moment any longer. I found myself doing this consistently throughout my read, which tells me everything I need to know. That no matter how, gruesome, silly and depraved it may seem on the surface, there is definitely something special about Green Sunday.