Cliff Waters: Well, I gotta go. Joe Waters: Exam week. You got to study, huh! Cliff Waters: Nooooo, gotta *party*! Joe Waters: Y'know, in my day, we studied the night before an exam. Cliff Waters: Yeah, well Joe, it's just one of those courses that all the athletes take. Joe Waters: Ah, a 'gimme' course. And you figure just because you're playing ball, all you have to do is show up to get a passing grade. Cliff Waters: Oh, like you didn't take easy courses when you were playing football. Joe Waters: No, I didn't. I was trying to prepare myself for life after football. Lou Waters: Yeah, Cliffie, Joey's right, there. I know, 'cause I helped him with his homework. He took some real tough courses. Joe Waters: That's right. Lou Waters: Like, The Roots of Rock 'n' Roll. Joe Waters: [beginning to feel embarrassed] Lou! Lou Waters: The History of Bowling. Joe Waters: That's enough, Lou. Lou Waters: Care and Maintenance of Your Private Parts. Joe Waters: That was Personal Hygiene. Look, Cliff, all I'm saying is, even though this course may be easy, you still gotta take it seriously to pass. Lou Waters: You flunked 'Private Parts' three times.

Joe Waters: [Cliff has just informed everyone that he flunked his Human Sexuality exam] I told ya you'd flunk. If you'd only listened to me once. Cliff Waters: Joe... Lou Waters: Once! One time, does he listen? Lou Waters: Joe, Joe, don't be so hard on him, now. We had the same trouble there with you, when I was tutorin' you for your Hygiene Parts class, there. I said, 'Joe, Joe, learn all about your gentiles.' I said, 'You be true to your gentiles, or they'll be false to you.' Donald Maltby: [Lou's mistakes in word choice finally push Donald over the edge, out of control] GENITALS! GENITALS, you big, fat thing that scurries away when the lights go on!

Lou Waters: [Lou is trying to make a man out of his 10-year-old nephew Harry, while Harry is only pretending to enjoy himself] I been doin' what's best for the kid. Cliff Waters: Lou, it's never best to ask somebody to be something that they aren't. Joe Waters: Lou, you may not always be perfect, but you have always been honest. And that's what I respect about you the most. Cliff Waters: Yeah, that's true. People know where they stand with you, right or wrong. Look, if you're bent on teaching Harry how to be a man, I would hate to think that's the trait you leave out. Lou Waters: He told you that he was foolin' me? Joe Waters: Yeah, Lou. To please you. Lou Waters: [angry] Well I am un-pleased. Cliff Waters: Lou, 'un-pleased' isn't a word. Lou Waters: Well, I am un-pleasant.

Donald Maltby: [Donald has just discovered that Joe, Cliff and Lou have stashed a dead man in his apartment to avoid a prying reporter] I come home from the Shubert Theatre to find this! Lou Waters: What'd you see? Donald Maltby: Marty Allen and Mimi Hines in "The Prisoner of Second Avenue". Haven't I suffered enough?

Joe Waters: [coming home in tennis clothes] Let this be a lesson to you, young lady. Always be alert. Tennis is a demanding sport. If you were mentally prepared, you would not have gotten hurt. Respect tennis and it will respect you. Penny Waters: We never played. You slammed my finger in the car door! Lou Waters: [later, Lou comes in while Joe is treating Penny's injury] What's with the ice? Penny Waters: Oh, they're having me frozen until someone discovers a cure for heredity.