Wednesday, February 18, 2009

pinch hit

We were in the car, the radio was on, and I was idly listening to the "Question Of The Day', which ran something like:

Okay, guys and girls! If there was one person who you would switch teams for, who would it be? Which celebrity would make you play for the opposite team? Do you have a secret girl-crush? Is there a male star that you can't take your eyes off? Call us now!

The first guy that called in blurted something about Vin Diesel, and I was turning his words over in my head 'I'd just get him before my girlfriend could'

and then there was a noise from the backseat and Cass- holy CRAP, they're in the car! - said 'Mom? Switching teams? What do they mean?'

and I opened and shut my mouth a few times and totally lied

Baseball, honey. They're talking about baseball.

And he was satisfied and I - well, I felt like a shmuck.Not very pc at all.

Because even though I feel comfortable talking to my son about almost everything, discussing homosexual experimentation (when we haven't even hit the big What A Penis Is For talk yet) seems too much.

Tonight I need to clean out the pantry. I know, damnit, that the kid came with a manual.

We had that conversation last year when Grace came home from third grade and asked what "gay" meant. I forged ahead and answered the question -- someting simple like guys who date guys and women who date women -- and the girls were satisfied. There's no need to get into the mechanics of the situation quite yet. I'm having a hard enough time getting Grace used to the idea of puberty and all that.

Laughing. We were driving with our girls in the car (where serious discussions sometimes take place) and the younger one said 'Daddy, what's a fairy?') The car swerved slightly, Daddy took a big breath and said 'Um, someone who, um, likes someone else, um, of the same sex and ...' The other daughter said 'Daddy, do you mean a homosexual?'. A more serious swerve. 'Yes,' said Daddy weakly. They were, maybe, eight and nine.Manual? Nah. Bomb protection gear.

Is it me or is the radio a bit too risque for my taste these days. When I have the kids in my car anyhow. Last week I had D and M with me on the way to school and they were doing some "When Harry Met Sally" contest where they had two people making "those" sounds. I am not a prude normally, but really is this necessary at 7:45 in the morning, when my kids are listening... I changed the channel.

Laughing hard. You did FINE. You know how up-front I am with kids about sexual information, (and how impatient with squeamishness) but to start explaining tea-switching to a child who doesn't yet know what sex is, is kind of getting the cart before the horse. Let's walk before we run, shall we?

If he'd persisted with the questions, though, you could fall back on the intermediate sorta cop-out: kissing. Mostly boys kiss girls, and girls kiss boys, but some boys prefer kissing boys, etc...

If you find it, please photocopy it and send it to me. I could use it. The girls' fave movie right now is Mamma Mia! They love the music. During the final post-wedding dance scene when the fountain erupts and a shirtless Colin Firth is dancing with a very cute young guy, Rachel(6) pipes up with "Why is Harry dancing with a man?" to which her older (9) sister replies, "because they're happy." Yeah, that's it, they're happy. I like that answer.

My older daughter learned to read early and was about 5 when we were in a ladies' toilet and she read out from a tampon dispenser, ' "Tampax Internal Sanitary Protection" - what's that, Mummy?' And ten women stopped washing their hands and stood waiting for my answer.

Hey you, these awkward times are exactly the right time to just spill some of the beans. I find that being up here, in Canada that is, there are plenty of opportunities to show the kids that there are many opportunities and choices. but then I was one to always finish Cinderella and then add my two cents of, oh, well, she choose a man but she could have choosen a man or woman, whoever she happened to fall in love with. (my poor kids)

My older son (just turned 11) has been getting Sex Education at school. The conversations have been wonderful - it's sort of a relief to have all that stuff completely out in the open. And of course the 8 year old has now learned it all too.....

Ha. We've talked about homosexual marriage, but not sex at this point. So I think this is addressable in terms of who you love, never mind the sexual aspect. I think they'd get that. I should get on with the sex talk soon, I suppose. I knew that stuff at 3 and was certain I'd do the same for my girl. It's just never come up, I guess.

about me

Big city smartass girl marries small town earnest boy, moves to new country, has a dog, two children and three thick-furred cats. The kids yell, the dog barks, and the cats shed. (sigh) Someone hand me more coffee.