If the ocean can calm itself so can you; We are both salt water mixed with air.

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Monday, 21 April 2014

Today was the first day of increasing my dosage to 15mg. I think I was so happy for so long that I forgot how awful it is to feel so low. When my pills stopped having the same benefits as they did before I just fet discouraged, but I am staying hopeful and now I am motivated to get better, since I could feel myself getting sick again. I hope 15 brings me luck.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

I'm scared because its getting bad again. I know its getting bad because I have been consciously thinking about it and noticing it getting bad again. When everything good there is no think about these things. I think I need a higher dose of medication, but what happens when I am at the highest dose and it gets bad again? What happens in 10 years, or 20 years, or when I'm fucking 80 years old and its still bad.

Monday, 24 February 2014

I am so much less depressed and happy now I can't believe it. I literally thought I was hopeless before this medication and that I would feel how I felt for my whole life. Now I know things get better. A new perspective. Haven't had a bad panic attack in a while which makes me so hopeful about my life. Finally life is looking up, even though I never thought it would. Cipralex literally is saving me

Thursday, 20 February 2014

FINALLY all my side effects are gone. Finally my life is starting to get better and I want to cry about it. I am waaaaaaay less depressed than ever before and it feels so good. I haven't been in such a good mood in so long. I am still getting anxiety attacks; even though I obviously know how to deal with them, they are still very scary and unsettling. Last week I was contemplating different ways to kill myself and now I am seeing the positive results of Cipralex on depression. Finally.

Sunday, 9 February 2014

This medication is obviously not a quick fix, but finally after a month my side effects are very much gone. I am not magically "fixed" or anything like that but there's things I notice about myself, small things, that have made me change my perspective on getting better. I am less afraid of life. I want to go out places and get my life on the right track. Also, I don't want to die as much, hardly at all really. This is how I know I am getting better. A month ago I was 100% sure I wasn't going to get better and I was trapped. I don't feel trapped in the dark hole that I had created for myself. I spend less time in my bed, I'm not trying to make the world go away anymore - now the world is a place I am excited to be in. I still get panic attacks just as frequently though, I'd be lying if I said I didn't.

Monday, 27 January 2014

Sooooo basically its obvious that you aren't typically supposed to drink while on anti-depressants, but asking for a teenager during their senior year of high school to remain sober just isn't realistic. I've read a bunch of things online saying that you can drink, you just have to watch the amount you drink. Basically anti-depressants get you drunk really quick. My friend once told me that 1 beer on Cipralex is the equivalent to 3. I'm not sure of how accurate that is, but you get the point. Many people are under the impression that you will literally die if you drink or something, which is very false. I drank a couple beers this weekend with friends and I was fine and actually felt it (now I'm a cheap drunk so thats cool). I'm gunna stay away from hard liquor and wine as I've heard many times that those do not go over well at all! Basically the trick to drinking with any anti-depressant is doing it in moderation and not going overboard!!!! Your tolerance is little to nothing now so take it easy with the shots!!!

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

One word. Exhausted. Holy shit now I know why they say to take this stuff at night, it makes you the most tired ever. Also the other problem is that it is also very hard to sleep on this stuff, no matter how tired I am, so it wouldn't really make a difference to take it at night. I already slept a ridiculous amount before I went on this medication since I am a typical teenager who needs a nap to get through the day. Now it's more like I need 2 to function. I've researched this and everyone says its very normal, I just feel like a fucking zombie when I can't get a nap in!!!!!! Also my dreams are so vivid it crazy, just like what happened on Prozac. This week has been probably the most tiring of my whole life. Fuck.