Why does it have to be so hard? Why does it never stop? I’ve already waited for months for a response to a query letter and now I have to wait for an unknown length of time for an agent to read my manuscript.

To think about it, even if my dream comes true and the agent signs me on, there will be only more waiting to come. Waiting for a publisher to respond to query, waiting for them to review the manuscript, waiting for a decision. Even the ultimate dream of publishing will be all about waiting, waiting, waiting…

I am terrible at waiting. Which is silly, because how hard could it be? All you have to do is watch hours of TV and eat Cheetos. Trouble is, I don’t do either. So instead, I go through my days as if under a spell, constantly daydreaming about “what if?” Sometimes it’s good, sort of a barely contained giggle of “OMG, here it comes!” Other times it’s more like a monotonous drone of an air conditioner in the doctor’s office, while you wait to be stabbed with a needle.

I hate it. I love it. I’m basically addicted to it. Considering that I ain’t got no skills on how to deal with the addiction, I turned to Google for advice on how to get over it. Google suggested that I distract myself with something else. Here are some ideas of things to do while waiting for the agent’s response:

1. Go to movies. Except to that Interstellar flick. You’ve been warned.
2. Have sex. Again and again, if that’s what it takes.
3. Take a nap.
4. Call your mother and get into an argument about something. The topics are endless, like for example, why you are getting married so soon.
5. Clean scale insects off a massive house plant. Trust me, going back to aimless waiting will be a joy.
6. Miss a Coles delivery because you were having sex and get into a huge fight with the customer rep over the cancellation fee.
7. Draft a lengthy email to Coles complaining about the customer rep. Have a lengthy discussion with your partner about the reasons it was not your fault. Read the Coles customer agreement. The whole thing. Rejoice at having found a loophole and craft another lengthy email.
8. Eat strawberries in bed (any fruit will do).
9. Read a book. Hey, this is actually good advice! All decent writers swear by this whole reading thing.
10. Start writing your next book. Now, this is the best advice yet. I’m gonna go take some of it myself.