Twas the Week before Christmas – a BAD but almost funny – Trade Show Gypsy Poem

Twas the week before Christmas, when all through warehouse
all the creatures were stirring, especially the mouse.
The crate locks were missing the bungee cords hanging with care,
In hopes that St Fixit soon would be there.

The sales staff were nestled all snug in their cubes, While visions of bonuses danced in their heads. (You know these folks are dreaming/drinking!)

And Assistant in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just rattled our brains for a long winter’s inventory.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the step ladder to see what was the matter.
Away to receiving I flew like a flash,
Tore open the garage door and threw up the latch.

The moon on the “ruts” of the new-fallen snow
Gave the view of the ruined objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a huge honkin semi, and eight broken crates there.
(Ok maybe a stretch on that one)

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Driveit. (Fixit is AWAL!)
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them documented names!

Now Demolished! now, Smashed! now, Pounded and Fractured!
On, Clobbered! On, Splintered! on, on Defective and Disaster!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now trash away! Trash away! Trash away all!”

(Ok, so I skipped a few verses!)

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!(Writing myself up right now!)
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He gave me that look to know I had a lot to dread.(Writing him up right now!)

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the dumpsters, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose, (WE WON’T GO THERE)
And giving a nod, back in the semi he rose!

He sprang to his seat, to his radio gave a whistle,
And away he drove like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

or maybe it was

Happy Christmas to Me and to you “a good luck with that Gypsy!!!

MAY YOU ALL HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL OF HOLIDAYS – AND ENJOY YOUR LIVES TO THE FULLEST! AND MAY WE ALL HAVE A VERY, VERY, VERY PROSPEROUS 2012!!!