Struggling With 4 Year Olds Behaviour

DD seems to be going through a phase of challenging behaviour crying at the slightest of things i.e. not getting her own way, not being first down the stairs, not finishing a meal first, me carrying her teddy instead of her (even though if I had not got the teddy she would have forgot it) the list goes on.

If she is not crying, she is the opposite she is stroppy, shouting and angry.

She is also not listening and I have to repeatedly say the same thing to her.

I?m finding it very hard to cope with and I?m not sure what the best way to deal with it is.

When she is good, she is very good and loving which I think makes this behaviour harder to cope with.

When I tell her off, she will say things like I suppose you don?t like me anymore. I think you want to get rid of me, maybe you should not have called me (her name) as that?s a bad name as I?m always bad etc.

Neither DH or I have ever said anything like that to her and it hurts that she is thinking these things.

We are going through a similar thing with my son. He's just turned 4 and his behaviour is very challenging sometimes. The tantrums as you describe when he is thwarted/doesn't get his own way, not all the time, but often; shouting, throwing things, kicking, hitting, even at pre school with the teachers too. And his behaviour with other children is worrying too. He knows he shouldn't hit, but he still does sometimes and I am aware that other little ones are wary of him as he is unpredictable and prone to kick off at times. That said, he does have a very sweet, gentle nature on the flip side, which makes the bad behaviour all the more upsetting and perplexing. We've had our issues at home plus a new baby earlier this year so it may all be classic jealousy plus some insecurity from DH and my relationship... Anyway, I've bought the book recommended above... I'd try anything if it would be a success.Good luck with your daughter.

I found that whiles evryone warns you about the terrible twos, they all forget the ones that come after..... Am guessing she has just started nursery and she is pushing the boundaries, both my boys became little monsters at this age and in bith case it lasted for about 3 months, is her name very popular could you accredit the its a bad name thing to a book? Am sure all is well and its just a normal developmental stage, they do the same at 5 and 6 imo, although it seems to get shorter with each bout I found that whiles evryone warns you about the terrible twos, they all forget the ones that come after..... Am guessing she has just started nursery and she is pushing the boundaries, both my boys became littlwe monsters at this age and in bith case it lasted for about 3 months, is her name very popular could you accredit the its a bad name thing to a book? Am sure all is well and its just a normal developmental stage, they do the same at 5 and 6 imo, although it seems tro get shorter with each boutwhiles evryone warns you about the terrible twos, they all forget the ones that come after..... Am guessing she has just started nursery and she is pushing the boundaries, both my boys became little monsters at this age and in bith case it lasted for about 3 months, is her name very popular could you accredit the its a bad name thing to a book? Am sure all is well and its just a normal developmental stage, they do the same at 5 and 6 imo, although it seems to get shorter with each bout I found that whiles evryone warns you about the terrible twos, they all forget the ones that come after.....

Thanks for the replies. It is good to know that Im not the only one going through this and even though it is hard, its probably is a stage that will pass.

DD is actually in her second year of nursery but there have been a few changes with new staff, some of her friends went to school this year so she is now one of the older children and new children have started. We are in Scotland so the children here get into preschool nursery as soon as they turn three so many of the children seem very young and immature compared to DD so I dont know if she is maybe imitating some of their behaviour. Although saying that she is as good as gold at nursery her behaviour is worse for DH and I. I think she is trying to push the boundaries and get a reaction from us, which unfortunately she is, when she is playing up.

DH, DD and I had a chat last night and told her that we are going to introduce a reward chart so we will see how that goes. I know people have mixed reviews on reward charts but as we have never used one before we thought we would give it a go.

I will also look up both the book recommendations so thanks for them.

Oh, and DD does not have a popular name she actually has quite an old fashioned name which is making a comeback but she is the only one in her class where as her best friend is one of three in the class with the same name.

we are having very similar problems as well, no real advice because we are also struggling, except some of the stuff she was doing stopped quite quickly when we stumbled across very silly and quite funny book called bad manners by babette cole that we all read together, I change words because the idea is simple but some of the words are a bit old for her but she loves it and understands now that some of what she was doing was naughty (its got farting and bogeys in it just to warn you, we dont have a problem with that but out neighbour wasnt amused when SD made her read it wso only fair to warn you) perhaps worth a little try for something that will make her laugh but also show her that temper tantrums etc are silly