# Shy guys make better friends. They’re good listeners and they’re very considerate. But you obviously don’t want to be her friend, so this isn’t a good sign. If you want to date a girl, you need to let her know that!

# Shy guys make better sex buddies. Girls feel powerful around shy guys. Get drunk with a girl and let her have her way with you and she’ll definitely like it. And if you’re just looking for a fling thing, you’d definitely like it too! [Read: How to get a sex buddy]

# Girls definitely like a guy who’s shy at first but opens up after a few conversations. They definitely don’t like a guy who’s shy in the first conversation and shy after that too. Now almost all the time, even the shyest of guys open up after a couple of conversations, so you don’t have to worry there.

What do girls want in a great guy?

Now shy guys have a lot of good sides to them. They’re more sensitive and caring and girls like their company. But to fall for a guy, there are three things that a girl needs in a boyfriend material. [Read: 10 traits of a good boyfriend]

#1 A guy who can protect her

#2 A guy she can depend on

#3 A guy who can pursue her

Now these three things that every girl needs may seem simple, but this is where almost every shy guy fails. Do you realistically think you have the bold presence of a guy who can protect the girl from any trouble when she’s with you? Do you think she can depend on you to sort any issue out for her? And if you’re so shy that you can’t even have a conversation with her, can you really woo her and impress her by pursuing her when she’s playing hard to get?

Well, shy guys fail miserably in all three requirements. And that’s where a perfect shy guy who is every girl’s dream loses a great girl and ends up becoming her friend instead of her boyfriend.

#1 The problem with shy guys is that they have no balls. They can’t make a stand for anything. They’d rather stand in the sidelines than take center stage.

#2 Shy guys are very accommodating and give in to any problem just to avoid any kind of conflict. Even if anyone insults them, they’d pretend like they’re not affected by it when in reality they’d be furious inside their shy heads.

#3 Shy guys would rather give up than fight. And they think they’re peace loving when they’re just too chicken hearted in reality.

#4 They have to be peeled back, layer by layer. It takes too much time for a girl to get to know a shy guy. When great girls can get any guy they want, would a girl really be interested in counseling you and trying to make you a better man when they can be pampered and treated like a queen by any bold guy they want?

#5 Shy guys don’t have confidence around other people, especially other guys. If another guy tried to flirt with your girlfriend, would you have the courage to make a stand and put the other guy in place? If you can’t even stand up for yourself, how can you stand up for the girl in your arms?

How to turn your shyness into an advantage

Your shyness could create a lot of difficulties for you, especially when it comes to dating a great girl. But here are a few immediate tips you could use to tilt the shyness to your advantage. [Read: How to get a girl’s attention wherever you are]

#1 Become a quiet guy. Turn your shyness into confidence. Don’t let anyone think you’re shy. Instead make it appear like you’re just a quiet guy who likes his own space.

#2 Make it appear like you’re bold. Talk less, but don’t let anyone know your heart’s beating like a hummingbird inside. Avoid being nervous and jittery, instead reply in short sentences that make you appear confident.

#3 Brave up and talk to her. This is inevitable. You need to man up and talk to her at least once. Get introduced through a friend if you have to. After that, woo her through texts and messages. Pursue the girl silently by avoiding long conversations face to face at the beginning and focus all your attention on your texts and gifts. [Read: What to say to a girl you like]

#4 Walk with a purpose. Shy guys can actually come off as extremely confident as long as they move purposefully and appear composed. Walk tall, and don’t bother trying to get anyone’s attention but that one girl who matters.

#5 Don’t tell the girl that you’re a shy guy. Telling a girl that you’re shy can work against your favor. She’ll immediately get confident and behave aloof. By pretending to be a quiet guy, you can appear mysterious and more appealing to any girl.

The easy and better way out – Don’t be the shy guy

It’s not easy being a shy guy. I was a shy girl once too and I know how hard it can be to change. But the only way to have better opportunities in life is by trying hard to eliminate that shy side of yours.

All of us have been shy guys and shy girls at some point of time. Some lose that trait in their childhood while others lose it in their teens. The earlier you realize the need to change, the faster you can become a better man who can feel confident in his own shoes. [Read: How to be a better man by using a role model]

Here are five steps that can help you lose the shy guy tag with a bit of effort.

#1 Open up to people. Make an effort to open up early to people. What’s the point in waiting for a few meetings to be friendly? Shy guys are cute friends, and not cute boyfriends. A shy guy may seem cute in his teens, but anything beyond that and you’d end up being isolated by everyone.

#3 Get introduced to girls. Talk to girls even if you’re not interested in dating them. Sometimes, you need a few warm up lessons by talking to girls you’re not interested in to feel more confident about your own abilities and prepare yourself for the girl you’re going to fall in love with. [Read: How shy guys can get over their hover hands]

#3 Don’t be afraid of being judged. Make new friends. Most shy guys avoid opening up to people because they assume they have nothing important to add. Or they stay quiet because they assume they’ll appear dumb if they speak too much. Don’t be afraid to reveal who you really are. You may be shy, but you’re still a great guy who can share so much with his friends and the world.

#4 Girls are just like you. Only they have lady parts. Remember that girls are a part of the human species too. They like guys just as much as you like girls. They want to make a good impression on you just as much as you want to make an impression on them. Some girls may have more confidence, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be more confident with a few tries.

#5 Make a few mistakes and learn from it. The dumbest shy guys are the ones who know they’re shy and yet don’t do anything to open up. They’re afraid of failure and rejection and end up hiding in their own little world and bitch about how unfair the world is to them. Don’t be that guy. It’s alright to fall a few times before you start walking. It’s alright to get rejected a few times before you meet the perfect girl too!

So do girls like shy guys? Of course, they do, just as long as the guy can be a confident shy guy. But if you can’t be that guy, just follow these tips and you’ll definitely turn over a new leaf and get any girl you like with a little effort.

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Erica Patterson
A cat lady and a yoga practitioner, Erica Patterson loves writing just as much as she loves shopping online. And when she’s offline, you’ll find her curled ...

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DISCUSSION

64 thoughts on “Do Girls Like Shy Guys Who Don’t Make A Bold Move?”

I don’t agree with you. Again instead of saying you wanted an alpha male you had to write all that. This is the reason you women get dissapointed and cheated in the end, bc you want the cool guy. Guess what? They’re the ones who will not stand by you in the end. They’ll go to bed with many other girls bc they’re sooo confident they can get just about any. Do me a favor and try to evolve. We’re in the 21st century not in the Stone Age.

What you are (shy) and what you do (be bold and confident) don’t have to be the same thing, you may call it acting but when we get into it and understand where both sides are coming from, and truly feel it, is it acting anymore? or just becoming what we want by will and understanding?

Humans have a flexibility and I encourage people to seek themselves. I also encourage people to not judge each other because I experiment a lot and when people see one thing, that is all they can see, they think that is all you will ever be.

As for these cool guys are who will not stand by their women in the end, that’s not how I feel inside. I can be at times this bold alpha romantic guy and I do feel like I can get just about any girl but I always appreciate them. It does look like I am not sticking by a girl sometimes though when I am rapid fire flirting with everyone in the beginning. I’m part shy guy, and part alpha guy so you are totally talking about me. I read this stuff to reflect on what I do right and get new and old ideas.

I would tell you the secret to being yourself, maybe a few root ideas and concepts that will help understanding, but I like my privacy and I plan on putting this material elsewhere without linking it to this “bragging” comment that feels too arrogant to me. I plan on evolving and giving my best ideas out there for free (wouldn’t mind the competition too much…) and maybe if you like my ideas it will help give me a good social position to get into a marketing career or something cool.

Marketing is important because Steve jobs was an amazing guy, but it wasn’t until one of his grad speeches that I truly understood where he came from. He did do countless interviews and presentations that did show his intellectual sensitivity. brilliance, vision, and leadership, but I don’t think the average person knew because it wasn’t popular. This is where I plan on evolving and doing my campaign to show my brilliance.

Here’s a simple idea. The key to being yourself and bring forth character is recognizing every part of yourself, some neglected, some nurtured, nurture everything. What these attractive people do is something we can all do.

I’m a girl and I totally agree with this.
As a girl I find shy guys absolutely unattractive. It doesn’t matter what he looks like- if I sense shyness and doubt, I automatically find him unattractive. In guys, confidence is attractive (however arrogance is not! you can be confident and nice at the same time!). Quiet confidence, however is <3333 Most of the guys I've fallen for have been quietly confident (they are assertive and have good social skills but don't put themselves out there. appearances only come into play when a guy is confident. when a guy doesn't participate, doesn't stand up for himself and doesn't speak confidently he is unattractive regardless of how 'hot' he may be)
Be confident guys. Even if you aren't the hottest thing out there, if you're confident you'll be so much more attractive!!!!!!!!!! Once we sense shyness we turn away. Participate. Speak up. Do yo own thing (maybe that's why jerks appeal to us 😛 they aren't deterred by what people think). That's not to say you can't be sweet and confident though 🙂 As long as you have self-confidence, all is well!

I know it has been ages before anyone last posted but I thought I’d just respond to ‘ShyGuy’. You’re obviously in denial because you can’t bear the thought of your shy nature being unattractive (I mean who wants to be told that part of their personality isn’t exactly appealing? ). I don’t quite get your post – correct me if I’m wrong but I find what you’ve stated to be a paradox.
Once you start acting on behalf of yourself, and yourself only, you are no longer being shy. You are being confident because you are not deterred by the opinions of others. Shyness is the reluctance to do what you truly want to do because you are scared of what others think. It’s not participating because you’re doubtful of your abilities. And usually it means you have poor communication skills. That is unattractive. Girls don’t like that- they pity it. I can speak on behalf of all girls when I say that confidence (even quiet confidence) is attractive. It should be *shy* guys finish last. So amp up your self-confidence xx
(part shy is no good. part sensitive is good. and fyi, this info on this page mainly applies to real shy guys. any shyness in a guy isn’t particularly attractive so get rid of it asap. )

@totestrue, it’s girls like you who get and stay with guys that treat them like shit and seem to love it. a few words of advice from someone with far more intellect than yoyrself, stop trying to change people, some of us are just naturally shy, acting otherwise is just a front that will seen right through in time, people like shyguy should stay away from people like you who want to be dominated by some dickhead, so he my guest, get with all your sexy alpha males you that are so desirable to you (and all women according to you) but when you wake up in 20 years in a pool of blood and semen, don’t say that I wasn’t correct.

@jakkarra
First off I was just trying to put it out there that confidence is very attractive because there’s this misconception (that a lot of naturally shy guys want to believe for their own sake) that the shy, quiet guy is attractive. It looks good on paper, but in reality, the shy quiet guy isn’t all that attractive.
And I do get that some of you are naturally shy but it doesn’t hurt to be confident when you have to be. By getting what you want when you want it you don’t lose any opportunities (this applies to the dating world too). Don’t let your shyness (which mainly stems from insecurities- oh I’m not hot enough, oh she’s out of my league…) get in the way of what you really want, whether it be a job or a girl!!
I actually find quiet confident guys extremely attractive. If you’re naturally introverted you can really score some points with women by being quietly confident (talk confidently, walk confidently: good posture, act confidently: eye contact, smile, face up, back straight). You don’t have to talk, but just make sure that when you do, you do it with confidence (don’t stutter, deep voice). Oh, and don’t be afraid to do yo thing.

First of all we must be ourselves i.e by being the way that makes us happy. Secondly we are not born to impress all girls . so when you like a girl that seems to like you back go for her. Being shy or introverted is just normal

I’m torn, this is the first article I’ve seen anywhere that actually tries to help the shy guy with any advice besides “Don’t be shy!”, so I’m pleased at the effort. On the other hand, I’m rather disappointed that it wraps up with the impression that being shy is somehow a bad thing. It’s just the other side of the coin from being exceptionally outgoing, which has downsides and annoyance factor of it’s own.

Being shy =! being insecure or necessarily lacking in confidence. It’s simply being uncomfortable or disliking putting yourself out there (for whatever reason). Some people naturally enjoy being the center of attention and interacting with multiple other people simultaneously. Some don’t. That doesn’t necessarily stem from not being good at it, we just don’t like it or may even actively dislike it.

I consider myself shy (most of my friends agree), yet I’m regularly complimented on my conversational skills (particularly with women since relationships and personal dreams are far more interesting to me than sports or cars), my speeches, and my essays. I don’t have trouble expressing myself and I’m certainly in possession of the self-esteem to weather the occasional rejection or negative response. That said, my skill at it doesn’t make giving a speech personally enjoyable. My conversational skills may be sharp, but I’m still not comfortable interjecting myself into ongoing conversations or socially interacting with more than a few people at a time. I’m comfortable when I know things and by definition I don’t know things about strangers. I enjoy watching quietly from the sidelines and trying to figure things out about people without having to ask. It’s the kind of puzzle that appeals to me. In short, I am not fearful, insecure, or socially inept, I’m just shy and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Telling a shy guy he needs to stop being shy is like telling a guy who dislikes spicy food that he must eat it because other people respect someone who eats really spicy food. He may go along to get along when that’s the restaurant his friends pick, but he isn’t likely to ever enjoy it. He likes what he likes and dislikes what he dislikes and other people should respect that, not label it a personal weakness on his part.

Seriously, if being an outgoing alpha was the only way to get together with women than I would expect shyness to have been bred out of the human race long ago. If you are naturally shy, don’t hurt yourself trying (or pretending) to be something you aren’t. Most women might not go for it, but you only need a single one who finds it sweet and attractive to her.

I enjoyed and appreciated this article right up to the point where is says “The earlier you realize the need to change (being shy), the faster you can become a better man”

That’s flat out insulting. Some guys may view shyness as a weight to be dropped ASAP, but that’s a value judgement that isn’t the author’s place to make. I’m happy to learn better ways to make my shyness work for me. but I’m not interested in hearing anyone unilaterally claim that extroverts are somehow better people than introverts. It’s poor form to be blatantly patronizing to your specified audience.

Agree with comment above, the article seems to state shyness as being a bad thing, how do you even define shyness today? It’s nothing more than a pop-culture construct appearing in everyday media, it ain’t real! What ever happened to the “strong but silent” male characteristics that instead should be admired? What about the pretentious hypocrites that “appears” to be confident in order to hit on every female creature that walks the earth? Strong, silent and noble males can sense pretentious males a mile away, a gift from evolution in order to protect your significant other, if such traits are identified as “shyness”, I don’t know what else to say…

I agree with Urusigh. I’m a bit shy and introverted myself especially when it comes to dating. It’s not that I’m insecure, it’s more like uncomfortable. I am comfortable in knowing stuff, not being uncertain to things. I do feel comfortable getting to know other people before dating them, but in today’s world it seems that the only way to get a date is by going up to random strangers and starting a conversation then asking them out while you barely know anything about them. I’m not complete against trying to get to know more about random strangers while dating because dating shouldn’t be about getting sex and should be about getting to know a person.

Another thing is approaching those who are interested. I had enough women flirt with me for fun or a joke and compliment to know that most signs a woman gives mean absolutely nothing. I mean it’d be nice to know or see signs that someone is interested but when it comes to attraction it seems to be the only thing I can’t read out of people and probably because I’ve been falsely lead on so many time.

Thing is I heard a lot of stuff saying “Shy guys don’t do anything and deserve to be alone”, “Shy guys have boring personalities and never make themselves seen”, or “shy guys are just losers who hate people”. To be honest we could sit here and judge people based off of who they naturally are or we could get to know them a bit and at least give them a chance.

Being confident is probably the worst advice you could give anyone. Yes shy guys will ask a woman out and it does take a lot of confidence to ask a woman out. The difference between shy guys who ask women out and alpha guys is that shy guys just don’t ask any woman and every woman out. Shy guys ask out women who they are genuinely interested in and genuinely like.

People could stick to their stereotypes about shy men being weak, but from experence at being both shy and introverted, I’d say I’d rather be like this than to conform to the world I tend to observe everyday.

A lot of thesr supposed shy guys seem bitter and angry. Perhaps that’s why you have trouble finding women, not because you are shy.

I find it works if one takes a college course for instance and sits down with an air of confidence at an open, but empty spot. Chances are a few women will sit next to you clearly interested. Never give them much attention. You want to find the girl willing to persue you. She will talk to you, you must be cool, calm, confident. Exchange a few sentences and smile sweetly. Always keep cool confident and calm. After a week start initiating conversation, but leave early and make sure she wants more… The key is you got to ignore her sometimes and you have to know what you can and can’t ignore. Make sure she’s always on the prowl. Never put yourself in the chasing position.

i read something interest about shy guys on 9GAG, one comment there said: “shy guys should not get any girl! let natural selection work! only the best will reproduce” come to think about it… it can actually be true

I am actually shy. Some of the things like opening up to people I just cant do. I still go to school and im afraid to not just talk to the girl I like but to everybody. You know how you get scared watching scary movies when some monster pops up out of no where, thats how it feels to me just to walk in thd halls. And sith a fear like that, its hard to makeany trasformation. I feels like if I move to fast im going to be melted down by stares. Its already enough that I cant even have a regulsr conversation. The one thing I dont like the most is when the only ghing they ask me is why im shy. How can I have a conversation when I dont know shy im shy.

I am a shy guy too. If you posted something bad about shyness you are a complete idiot. I can take a punch literally and figuratively plus will go out and show just how bold if I have a good reason. Just because I am shy does not mean I’m a wimp. It just means I am not happy in large.social events and such. I will stand for.what I believe in. Survival of the fittest means mentally too. Let’s say im an animal walking along, keeplook.a put of something that looks dangerous, there’s food on the other side, I will charge.through it to get the food. That’s a cocky person who thinks he’s the best. Another animal sees the same thing but goes around. That’s the smart shy one who thinks things through to avoid bad consequences. Shy isn’t bad, it can keep you from trouble.and even help.you get what needs to get done. So shut up with the insults. That’s what makes us mad jerks.and animals who run through the dangerous looking pit for a bite of food. That is all you are if you believe the quote by Darwin. Sorry for typos my phone keyboard is annoying.

One more thing you should know. If you believe that being shy is bad because of people like Jonathon up there than just know he is an idiot, a jerk, and done swear words I won’t say. In other words he is the dead animal from last post.The iconic football player is just like him, cocky until they realize that the smart shy kid.they bullied in school is their boss. Or they die, which means they are probably single or in a very temporary relationship. Never listen to them they are just the cocky people and bullies. Be shy but try to step out of your comfort zones occasionally and see just what all you can do. That’s what I try and am happy with my life. Always stay true to who you are and who you want to be. That’s what matters not the opinions of others. That’s my advice and opinion on this. Find yours. By the way, for those that aren’t shy and hate shy people, WHY DID YOU LOOK THIS UP AND READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, ONCE.AGAIN YOU ARE.IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!

For all you “shy guys” .. the beta is the new alpha… (relationship worthy) women are tired of being treated like sh*t… and we’re also tired of the bad boy act. So keep doing what you do as long as its not an act or if you have rejection issues. Please work on that. We all get rejected at some point in our lives.
If you want a quality woman, just try and meet us half way. If we smile at you, it means approach us and talk to us. Don’t make us do all the work. The good ones will always meet you in the middle and not make you chase us. The women who make men chase them are usually the one’s who are into games. I used to be that type.
I get approached by alphas (including married men and players), I can read them a mile away and avoid them (run away). I crush hard on the shy guys but they never take the extra step to talk to me even after I’ve given them the signals. I don’t like to feel like I’m doing all the work to communicate. It’s taxing. Please try, look up and around, see who smiles at you, you’d be surprised, I promise {x-ing heart} .. you won’t be disappointed…

I am in abit of a mass, I like a shy guy who seems to be in to me too. And although I spoke to him several times on being more attentive and caring, we seem to be going nowhere. But when I confront him again and telling I won’t continue trying and insisting he is offended ask me not to give up on him. I ain’t know what to do since things don’t seem to be changing.

I would say that I’m a shy guy, but I’m definitely not a chicken or stupid as this article states. Yes, I can be shy to talk to someone, or try to avoid conflicts, but I also like to express my opinions and if I have to defend my girl, myself or anybody who matters to me, I don

Okay, I been reading through article comments I been going through other articles and such. Being shy not for everyone manly my self easy over come or even be able beat. Me I been shy since I little kid I still am. Reason being I was young I get judged picked on and ECT. This lead me being shy have small group friends. Not being able ask girl out due people make fun of you after or all rejections. Acting like your something not help you over come the fear. Alright like one commented above I’m afraid talk people general from past experiences that I only talked to the few who approached me and talked. Being shy not ITS BETTER BEING THE DOUCHBAG who can’t treat the girl right who she keeps dating. For shy guys girls we are oblivious at times when your flirting, were not sure your being nice or like us. Girls want guy be direct shy guys need girl be bit direct too. Alright we may not be brave,bold,and such but we want treat girl to best. That’s why we always ask not act. If we act on instinct or what we think she making move I should do this well we be screwed we not be sure either. Anyone says being shy is bad they need change or be alone I say this. GO LOOK AT A MIRROR. You know you see persons didn’t try harder get know shy boy who ate lunch by him self by stair case
the shy boy you see being alone on lab project he to scared ton ask anyone. One who(depending on person) cries due this reasons. This all what I said also applies shy girls not just boys either. Sorry for rambling and such just a topic that hits me hard st the heart. Thanks for reading if you do. Shy boys and girls find each other. For no one should ever be alone….never.

To Kenny ^. I know you say no one should ever be alone, but I think I’m the exception, and WILL be alone forever. I’ve done it all, I’ve been shy (my natural self, for the same reasons as you in my childhood), I’ve been bold, I’ve asked numerous girls out directly, I’ve been quiet, confident, loud, and nothing works. I’m just incompatible with girls, and I’m incompatible with people for that matter. So I’ve given up already and I’ll just have to accept being alone for the rest of my life, which hopefully won’t drag on much longer.

@Totestrue:
I don’t agree with your comment on this article. First of all, saying being shy is not good and we should change is quite insulting. Here is why; I’m a shy guy but by that I mean I’m being who I am. I’m not trying to be shy, it just happens.

Everyone at work likes who I am, I have the best friends in the world that I feel lucky sometimes, best loving family one can have, and I’m most talkative and loving person out there (from what I heard from my friends/people and family) So I know there is nothing wrong with me nor do I need to change anything. I love for who I am, I love what I have around me, and I love my hobbies such as basketball, collecting/watching TV shows, playing games, watching anime and etc.

So I’m grateful for what I have. Now I am shy when it comes to girls but for you to say its wrong and we should change because we are not confident enough or we seem to be little cowards or weak or not able to stand up for ourselves is quite insulting and judgmental of you. I mean, look at what you read just now (if you did read it) do I sound like someone who is boring at the very least? A coward? Someone who can’t stand up for themselves? no, maybe you should stop and think that we guys are just naturally shy and we are not really cowards that you think we are and telling us we should change. It’s who we are and maybe you should try to get know us first and see that “shyness” is just a part of human nature.

I’m shy to girls maybe because I’m not used to talking to many girls or dating them (like most guys do, probably the ones you want) maybe because girls are just hard to open up with, maybe girls like you are the ones who won’t give us a chance at all.

Right now, I’m looking for a girl. A girl….well to sum it up, who is innocence. By that I mean, who isn’t naturally judgmental(we’re human after, we all judge) who is mature, looks at the quality and the naturalness of one’s self, not following a trend in society, not being peer pressured into anything, not trying to fit in cause of popularity or some stupid immature goal, who is herself, kind, caring, considerate, someone that doesn’t reveal herself with skirts or minimal clothing just for attention (btw I find girls who dress cute and mature clothing to be a lot more attractive). That’s a girl I’m looking for and I’m willing to patient about it.

Some of the comments in this article are upsetting to me personally. I am a shy guy but I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, I am just not to comfortable in big groups of people I do not know well. Many of my friends have told me that its hard to believe that I was ever shy at all. Well, I am still shy, but thats because ‘shy people’ like myself are always shy around people they do not know because we dont feel comfortable around them and we do not know weather or not to trust them. Once you get to know us though we are like any other person.

I played varsity soccer (which was the big sport at my highschool) since I was a freshman and that made me “popular” but even with me being “popular” and everyone knowing me it did not help my shyness at all. To us shy people, it doesnt matter how well you know us, its how well we know you personally that makes our shy-shell start to crack open. To be honest Most of the time we are shy because of experiences in the past, even with something as minor as being bullied as a kid can make someone shy but others can also be naturally shy.

I do tend to ignore people when they talk bad about me but thats not because I am afraid of conflict, its because I do not think that the people making those comments are worth my time to get upset about. I used to be beaten up daily by a few 18-20 year olds on my bus ride to school when i was only 16 and 17, reason being was because I believed in God and went to a Christian school. Its not like I sat there and took the beating either, I tried to stand up for myself but against three 18-20 year olds the odds arent very good for one 17 year old no matter how physically fit I am. So the other comment that said “shy guys can’t take a hit” is ludicrous. From soccer alone ive had, 2 concussions from head on collisions, broken probably every toe in both feet, multiple cracked rips, and managed to tear my right thigh muscle from my bone (thats what you get for not stretching enough I guess.. Lol). Im going to be 19 tomorrow actually (survived freshman year of college yay!) but im not going to try to be someone that I am not, just to try and get a girl. I am a shy guy, thats who I am and Ive got to learn to deal with the fact that although making new friends for me is hard, I should still try to make more. Truth is I hate being alone, but Id rather find someone who loves me for who I am then pretend to be some confident cocky jackass that isnt me. Im still young so I do not plan on giving up anytime soon. Hopefully the rest of you wont give up either.

@RHChilliPepper I completely agree with your post. My family friends, and coworkers all tell me im a great guy to and love me for who I am. Im also trying to look for the same type of girl you are so the best of luck to you.

I think if u verbally beat down probably anybody enough they would be traumatized no matter what their confidence level is like PTSD, anxiety would stay with them, i think extroverts needpeople to feed off their creativity as they are lost without them and are in fact the ones that are truly shy and insecure thats why they try and manipulate and control peoples self esteem.

i fell that VIRTUALLY ALL of you misunderstand each other do to the fact that many argue, But i am reading the same thing over and over. Some say LOW SELF ESTEEM (shyness) isnt cute. some gets offended and state a defense like “saying shy is a bad thing is wrong of you you alpha lovin son of ahh hore” which Both is wrong! annnnd Right at the same damn time B/ some people do find it cute, others dont. example: CONFIDENT bulky muscle guy says to her ‘hey give me ah hug’ with a smile B), girl likes it and hugs him. SHY nervous guy hesitates but builds up enough courage to walk over to the girl and after a prayer he calms his nervs enough to ask,’ can i get a hug?’ :/ which guy do you think will have her as a girlfriend a week later? Answer: it depends! on her type. some like them shy, like this author did say how being “quiet” is cute. some like it while overs dont. But being if someone say they are shy dont be to quick to say the dont have as much confidence as them meat head jocks who still girls…the then end up with hiv … >:) (i have a poor sense of humor :/

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. He’s shy and reserved yet I am COMPLETELY, MADLY, and DEEPLY in love with him! But on the other hand, I’m an extrovert, loves socializing, making new friends… so i guess its a case of “opposites attract” . Initially, he never made an effort to approach me because he was shy and he felt too nervous. He was also starting his engineering degree and was so focused and commited to his career at the same time. And then his campus buddy told him to man-up and talk to me about his feelings. He still is very shy and reserved around people he doesnt know. But thats who he is. I love him and I love him for who he is. Its the little things that he does that take my breath away like being a gentleman , holding my hands discretely if my parents are around and most importantly RESPECTING me. So what if hes shy and not the alpha male…. Hes cute, funny, loving, and fun! And i really enjoy gaming with him and his nerdy friends lol 😛 And…….. well…… i can tell u one thing about shy guys …. once you tease them and get comfy with each other , they can be wild animals lol 😛

I have spent the first 30 or so years of my life being EXTREMELY shy. Still am on some occasions nowadays, but the last 8 years have been pretty good. But there have been many days and occasions in the past, when I was feeling good about myself, where I would just naturally “flow”, be funny without trying, witty, great at improvising in the moment, and would wind up seducing amazing women in totally unexpected situations.

With time, I have learned the secret to these “magical”, “total confidence”, moments: NO FEAR. Feeling completely relaxed and in the moment. And no caring about other people’s thoughts. But there are ups and downs in everyone’s lives of course, and we’re not constantly in a state of “being touched by grace”. Fear is also a powerful and resilient force that will always try to sneak back in to your heart. So, when fear does come back every once in a while, I look at this and crack up:

“The less you give a fuck, the happier you’ll be”. Notice the look in Jack’s eyes, he looks totally crazy. That’s it. And it applies to everything, not just women. Be who you are. Speak the thoughts that come to your mind. If you hear these sentences in your head that you would like to say, but just are unable to speak them out, thinking “no that is going to sound stupid”: Just do it. It’s like the 10 meter jump platform at the swimming pool. It’s scary as shit. But if you just jump anyway and realize you did not die or get injured, it will be much less scary the next time. And even if you landed soemwhat flat on your stomach, it may have hurt, but you still did not die or end up in the ER. Practice makes perfect. Allow yourself to feel the fear, tell yourself it is normal to be afraid, and then just jump anyway.

Here is something to remember the next time you are feeling shy: don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. You should know that most of them are already busy wondering about what you and others are thinking about them !!! 😉 All humans seek love and approval. The bold ones just really believe they are entitled to it, and don’t care much whether others approve or not. Alpha males get turned down too. When that happens, they just move on to the next girl. They do no let that one girl’s rejection affect their opinion of themselves.

My other weapon against fear ? Humor. Poke fun and laugh at yourself. When you do, you are accepting these things about yourself you do not like. And self-acceptance and self-love is the root of confidence. Works like a charm for me 🙂

i am a shy and quiet guy, and soo much of this is bullshit and just wrote by the girl who likes the alpha male doush bag, which there are many girls who do. most shy guys have social anxiety or lack of self confidence, but a lot of it they just dont want to be like what they see and hear. shy guys can still get hot girls, there is someone for everyone. and most shy guys open up once they know they are accepted. so a girl is pretty lame if she is physically attracted to a guy but has no interest in him because he is shy, because just because he seems shy or quiet doesnt mean he will be that way with you once he knows you. nobody should believe that being shy or quiet is a bad trait needing to be changed, be yourself.

We all speak of men and women as though we are so very different. We are not! We are both human. The same nature consumes of both of us. There is someone for everyone sp relax about it and be yourself. It all depends on your motive, ladies and gentlemen. Personally, as a man, I am attracted to women who who meet two conditions. First, self confidence (in your sexuality, beauty, drive, etc). Second, social intelligence. Be outspoken, socialize, and do not be so shallow. Guys, add masculinity (alpha male type personality) to these two conditions and women will be attracted to you. Do not be an arrogant person though. Good luck to all.

Time to put things strait. Remember and don’t get butthurt by the facts I’m about to discharge.
Shyness isn’t caused by a shy person getting to breed somehow. It’s due to poor parenting.
Any girl who does so how like the full out shy guy is retarded, desperate, ugly, and or not even a girl. So all these girls saying they disagree and like shy guys aren’t reliable sources,mans should be reported as spam or ignored
Mathew, you should get a logic check. Keeping up that nature, you’re never going to have a good relationship if you do at all. While I agree you definitely can take a hit, you just don’t appeal to good girls. Shape up a bit for peats sake!
@RHChilliPepper, girls like that are far and few. Better and easier to change for the world than wait for the world to change for you.
@b, that’s an excellent point, but there’s a line wider than the Grand Canyon between shy endurance and outgoing endurance.
@AJ, low self esteem automatically translates to shyness, that’s just how humans beings work.
@uriah, this is possibly THE best written article on this sight. You’re not smart right now, your whiny and in denial. Go away.
@William, that’s flawed logic. While of course, men and women are both the same species, We act like we’re different. So just switching and adding to your personal opinion is a fail.

I honestly think that this is very poor advice for shy guys. You are telling them to change who they are and just become more confident. It doesn’t work like that. And I don’t know why everyone seems to think that shyness is bad. In some instances, it may be frustrating because the girl really wants them to just talk to her, but’s not a completely bad thing, and I think shy people in general are more empathetic and pleasant to be around. I don’t know why some of the people commenting think that shyness is unattractive, because I think it is rather adorable and I’ve liked shy guys since I was in elementary school. I suppose it depends on a person’s specific preference, but I am somewhat ashamed that we feel that the only way a shy guy can get a girl is by changing who he is. I’m sorry if I offended anyone, forgive me.

What hasn’t been touched upon is that there’s often a reason guys like myself are shy. In my case, I doubt I was born the way I am. After a childhood of abuse by my father and being bullied in school because I didn’t play sports and thus wasn’t cool, you find it difficult to open up to and ultimately trust people as you never know how they’ll make you feel like shit or wrap their hands around your throat again. This article is 100% accurate and helpful, however, it’s not like we’re shy because we were born chickens with something wrong with us.

I have read many of the comments on this thread. I won’t lie. I consider myself ‘shy’, but even so, I never let it stop me from being bold every now and again. Wise person once told me that if you say you can’t do something, then you’ve already defeated yourself.

Life is short, so I am going to be blunt about this. For all those people feeling sorry for themselves, get out of your ’emo’ act and grow a pair. You aren’t going to get anywhere by self defeat. Take a grip and chase after who you are meant to be rather than sitting on your ass feeling sorry for yourself. Is it hard? Yeah, it is; then again so is life. Nothing is going to change until you push forward. You got to get off your pity pot before you can even dream about getting any girl.

For those on this thread who are shy, but not letting that stop them, congratulations, you have taken the first step. All you got to do is take another, and another.

Stop making excuses. Feeling sorry and letting your so called shyness eat you alive isn’t going to get you anywhere. I said it once and I will say it again, get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t say you can’t, because you very well can, you just keep making excuses and keep defeating yourself. It’s stupid and it’s pathetic.

Referring to the article, I saw something I completely disagreed with, and I quote “#3 Brave up and talk to her. This is inevitable. You need to man up and talk to her at least once. Get introduced through a friend if you have to. After that, woo her through texts and messages.”
Screw texting her. Just because you can act confident in SMS and texting doesn’t change the fact you can’t grow a pair when it comes to talking to her in real life. Call her, invite her out on a date, or talk to her in person. If you succeed, put your phone in your pocket, and unless somebody extremely important calls or texts (family or work), you stay off that thing. You can’t rely on a device to get to know somebody. Too many go into relationships not knowing jack about their partner. The thing about dating people don’t seem to get, is that it’s sole purpose is looking for a mate for marriage, not hooking up to have sex or a fling and breaking up after you get tired of them. If you have that perverted mindset, I think you are screwed up. So if you are serious about committing to somebody, show that to them by giving them your full attention rather than your Facebook, Twitter, Friends, etc.

One last thing, this is mostly speaking from personal experience and common sense. I really didn’t even have any friends till I went out of my way, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and did something about it. You got to learn how to socialize and deal with your relationships with friends before you can deal with the next level (and that is dating relationships). You might still feel lonely, but I think you will find yourself happier that you are trying to make yourself happy. Because honestly, another reason it seems people obsess over getting into relationships is because they want to feel wanted, and they will do anything to get that psychological need fulfilled. So if I can fulfill my psychological needs, then so can you. Takes a little time and perseverance but I believe anybody can pull through if they set their mind to it.

Final Note: Sorry if you don’t understand my thread. I acknowledge their may be flaws in my argument, but I do have the right to an opinion. I call it as I see it usually and that’s what I did here. If you don’t like it, tough. If you are too stubborn to acknowledge there is some wisdom in my post, your problem; not mine. I’m just trying to help. Of course you can bring a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

Oh, one last thing, quote from a very smart and well known musician. I’m a huge Beatles fan. This quote is by John Lennon. Actually it’s a lyric. “Life is what happens while your busy making other plans.” It’s pretty much saying, stop making excuses. The worlds not going to wait for you.

I disagree and agree. We, humans, have different types of guys. As for me, they’re not chicken. You don’t have the right to judge people without knowing them. Shiz! Yes, some girls find shy guys attractive while others, not.. And for me, they’re cute.

Am inlove with a Lady and she is aware of that but she asked me a question saying why are my this shy to talk to a lady. funny enough its a distance relationship but i do make out time to go and see her since am working in a different state. I feel she love me but doesnt love the shy part of me.

Why do you assume the “shy” guy wants to be with you? I’m not going to change who I am for anybody. I’m not going to play all sorts of games and jump through hoops so I can have the “privilege” of your company. If that means I’ll never have a girlfriend, then so be it. You need to get over yourself. I really don’t care if you’re attracted to me or not.

Articles like this make me not want to approach women, I don’t care if you don’t like that I’m quiet.. If you don’t like quiet men go find a loud obnoxious douche cause there are plenty of them out there too. I’ll keep going to the gym getting my swole on and focusing on self improvement, instead of spending my time seeking the approval of a woman. How about you show me good reason why you’re worth putting so much effort into? Sure I may even find you attractive but if you want me to jump through hoops to prove myself you are sorely mistaken when you haven’t even proven your own worth.

I’m a shy guy but I also do mma and have been into a few fights in my life when I was young and dumb. Didn’t know I was chicken hearted for being shy though. Now I do believe in trying to diplomatically resolve a situation or walking away rather than trying to act like a neadrathal and resort to violence. But believe me if hands are laid on me I will defend myself. Sounds like Erica is just one of those childish girls who are into cocky douche bags that like to fight. My ex liked those type of guys too, she married one and he would beat her up that’s why she’s divorced now with three kids. It makes you wonder why so many women suffer from domestic violence. And the confident douchebag she fell in love with is also a deadbeat not helping her with child support at all. And now she’s trying to reconnect with me the nice, quite, shy guy. I’m sure she’s thinking, ill run back to her and take care of her and her kids. Sorry sweety you missed your boat. My heart belongs to a beautiful and more important “smart” woman who is my wife, who likes the fact that I am shy and she is part of the very few that get to see the real me. Word of advice for all you “girls” out there (not women because you’re smart to not get fooled by cocky douche bags) know the difference when somebody is being confident or being a cocky douchebag. A guy that is shy does not mean he’s not confident, it’s just in his nature to be more reserved. It might take you to approach him first but trust me he will not think your easy like a cocky douche bag guy would think. He’ll appreciate it and will now know that you’re interested in him and then he will start wooing you. That’s how my wife got me.

Also it sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder. If you actually want a girlfriend, that bitter MGTOW crap does way more harm to your relationships than the weak, empty boost it does for your ego. It is essentially the same as fat acceptance; we know you hate yourself, you’re only lying to yourself.

It was one of those bitchy, “oh you’re FINE but actually do things this way” maneuvers that women pull in socialization to prevent themselves from looking bad. It’s passive aggressive and for men that are inexperienced with women, it is more harmful than useless, even.

If you were abused and now you are shy, then no, you weren’t “born” that way. You were raised that way. And when you say you were born that way, you deny yourself the agency to do anything about it. You fall back to this lazy excuse to admit that being shy is really your responsibility to deal with. It is weak and you deserve better from yourself.

If you really would prefer to be shy, go for it. Who knows maybe you will get lucky. But you will probably not get lucky, because women don’t often abide by that, “you NEED a man” bullshit anymore, and so they will look for the best man they can, and under those circumstances you have to make yourself noticed.

It is a harsh truth but if you put the time and effort (and in your case, probably some significant therapy) into dealing with your shyness, you will get the results you want from women. If you continue to make excuses, you won’t. It is that simple.

It’s like when men try to talk about how they like a woman’s interests or their intelligence to try and take away from the fact that they are a shallow fuck. Those are shallow things anyway, and there isn’t anything wrong with being shallow. What is wrong is pretending that you aren’t shallow.

In your case, I bet you liked quiet men. But I also bet they had a vanir of strength, the kind of silent, mysterious dude. Soft-spoken, empathetic, but still clearly a man (or boy as your child self would have seen).

What this article is talking about is the shrimpy, deflated dandelion of a man that is so shy that you didn’t even know he was there. The men that even other men don’t usually notice. The men that nobody takes seriously and the men that always feel invisible. And I would be shocked if you liked those guys, because even those guys don’t like those guys.

Shyness is 50% genetic bro, do not get that confused. and what kind of dumbass advice is this. It not as simple as just having practice. For people with social anxiety disorder, practice isn’t going to just make that go away.

Anything can be overcome by practicing coping mechanisms. You may never develop the greatest social skills, but being shy is no excuse to remove yourself from what you want. I am shy too. I am practicing getting around that. You can too.