Blackboard :- None due to shortened intro.Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.Couch :- The family's eyes all run in in darkness -- and when the lights come on, the bodies run in after the eyes. The bodies sit down on the couch and lean forward, sticking their eyes in their sockets with a popping sound. It's an afternoon at the video arcade! The arcade is packed with kids, some even forming long lines as they wait for a game to become free. Martin plays one of the more intellectual games.Video Man: Thirsting for a way to name the unnameable, to express the inexpressible? Martin: [entranced] Tell me more! -- Martin plays "My Dinner with Andre", "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Meanwhile, Bart plays a rather more violent game while Milhouse watches.Bart: Be cool, Simpson...but be _in_ the game, not _of_ the game. Man: Bwaa! No es bueno...Bwaa! [He gets shot and falls off the building] [George Bush walks on the screen and kicks the corpse] Bush: [robotically] Winners don't use drugs. -- Bart plays "Panamanian Strongman", "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood""GAME OVER" flashes on the screen. Bart is despondent.Bart: Aw, I'm out of money. Milhouse: Don't say that out loud! [Security men watch a bank of TV screens] Man 1: Caucasian males out of money in sector four. Go to code red. -- Bart and Milhouse at the arcade, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Each security guard has a key, and they place them into keyholes simultaneously and turn them clockwise. In the arcade, a siren goes off and red lights bathe all the game players in an eerie glow. Bart and Milhouse watch as a door opens and a huge shadow walks out of the blinding white light, smoke billowing around its form as its footfalls shake the room. It turns out to be the change boy, and he says, "I'm sorry, you'll have to leave," as though reading these words off a card. Bart and Milhouse walk out.Bart: Oh, man, how are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon? Bum: You mustn't kill time, boys, you must cherish it. Seize the day!...Can I have some change to go get loaded? -- Bart and Milhouse get ejected from the arcade, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"At home, Homer is surrounded by books.Ah, finally a little quiet time to read some of my old favorites... [Looks at books, picks up peanut jar] Honey-roasted peanuts. Ingredients: "Salt, artificial honey-roasting agents, [excited] pressed peanut sweepings..." Mmm. -- Homer reads a literary masterpiece, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Marge interrupts Homer's fantasy, saying she has to go out to pick up something for dinner. "Steak?" Homer guesses happily, but Marge says the money's too tight. "Steak?" Homer guesses again, and Marge says with a worried look, "Er, sure, steak..."Homer turns back to the honey-roasted peanut jar.Ah, the last peanut -- overflowing with the oil and salt of its departed brothers. -- Homer with an almost empty jar of peanuts, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"He tips his head back, closes his eyes, opens his mouth, and tosses the peanut towards his head, missing his mouth. The peanut clatters behind the couch, and after a couple of seconds, Homer observes, "Something's wrong." He gets down on his hands and knees in front of the couch and reaches underneath.[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut] Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! [looks, then says remorsefully] Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut! Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how. Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services. -- The voice of reason, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood""Woo hoo!" Homer chuckles, and he begins to walk out. But he trips on the peanut and lands on his fat can. The $20 flies out of his hand and blows out the window. While "Flight of the Bumblebee" plays in the background, we follow the course of the money as it blows high over Springfield.In the parking lot of the arcade, Bart and Milhouse take turns punching one another in the arm. Both look bored, and Bart says he thinks it's wearing a bit thin. "You think so?" queries Milhouse. Just then, the $20 lands in the parking lot five feet in front of them, and Milhouse points it out. "Maybe a plane exploded," Bart suggests, but Milhouse is ecstatic: "Our prayers have been answered!"The two boys strut into the Kwik-E-Mart. "Hello gents," Apu says, "what will it be?" Milhouse orders a Super Squishy -- "One that's made entirely out of syrup," Bart adds. Apu is aghast, as are all the other customers in the store -- even Snake who holds a bag while he points a gun at Sanjay. "An all-syrup Super Squishy? Oh, s-such a thing has never been done," Apu explains. Bart pushes the $20 towards him and says, "Just make it happen." Apu complies, with some trepidation.He grabs a Super-sized cup and twists the knob on the Squishy machine from "Recommended Dosage" past "Unhealthy Dosage" to "Experimental". The machine begins to shake as it ejects goopy green liquid into the cup. A man runs out of the store in a panic, and Apu sweats, "She won't hold! She's breaking up!" But the machine dings and stops shaking. "If you survive, please come again!" he says cordially.The boys cheer as they walk out. Milhouse forces a straw into the Squishy, commenting how thick it is. He tries to drink some of it through the straw, but he sucks the straw into his throat and his glasses fly off. Bart doesn't bother with the straw; he simply drinks straight out of the cup. "Whoa! That's good squishy," he smiles, but then his eyes start to go wonky and he groans. His vision trebles, and three Milhouses ask him, "What's it like, Bart?" Bart can only stutter incoherently, and Milhouse grabs the Squishy: "Gimme that!" He takes a slurp, then groans himself, and his face twitches.Bart: OK, we're young, rich, and full of sugar. What do we do? Milhouse: [yelling] Let's go crazy, Broadway style! [singing together] Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town: the schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down. The stray dogs go to the animal pound, Bart: Springfield, Springfield! Milhouse: Springfield, Springfield! Sailor: New York, New York! Bart: New York is that-a-way, man! Sailor: Thanks, kid! Together: [singing] It's a hell of a...toooown! -- Painting the town green, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"The two young men have a hell of a time: first, they go to the skateboard park, where a man in a suit shows Bart a skateboard for his approval. At the VIP video game room, Milhouse plays two games at once while a garcon brings him a drink. The boys go to see "Cats" next, and Bart mischieviously starts a cat-fight by spitting some Squishy at one of the actors. Then, they buy lots of packs of "Toothless Joe"-brand bubblegum-flavored chewing product and blow immense bubbles with it -- so immense that when the bubbles burst, they are covered with pink stuff. Homer happens by, and he sticks his finger in it and licks it off. "Mmm, free goo."At the 24-hour rub-on tattoo parlor, Bart gets a cobweb and bat on his right arm and a snake on his left arm, while Milhouse has a woman on his right arm, a globe on his left arm, and a fiery skull on his torso. As they leave, Barney is seen to be walking behind them.I don't know where you magic pixies came from...but I like your pixie drink! [drinks some squishy] -- Barney to Milhouse and Bart, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Apu's laughing face appears while images whirl by: a "Models and Model Decals" store, a triple-G rated movie theater, a "Sweet tooth" sign, a "Come on in" sign, "Bootleg Records", "All Nite Arcade", and a "Booking" and a "Batting" sign. Then, the signs begin to blur as they spin around faster.The next morning, Bart wakes up on his bed, under a blanket.Bart: [groans] Oh, my head. Lisa: Tsk, tsk, tsk, the remorse of the sugar junkie. Bart: Ohh...I don't remember anything. Lisa: Really? Not even...this? [pulls back the covers] [Bart is dressed as in a uniform] Bart: Aah! Oh, no! I must have joined the Junior Campers. Lisa: The few, the proud, the geeky. [laughs unsympathetically] Bart: Boy, a man on a Squishy bender can sure do some crazy things. -- Bart considers a membership in Squishyholics Anonymous, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"{Barney would agree with Bart's latter utterance: he wakes up on a boat, his bed a bunch of sacks with baklava in them, his attire a blue-and- white horizontally-striped sailor suit complete with blue hat and pom- pom. "Uh oh," he rues, "not again!"}[End of Act One. Time: 5:48]At the breakfast table that morning, Bart reconciles his behavior.Bart: OK, look: I made a terrible mistake. I wandered into a Junior Camper recruitment center, but what's done is done: I've made my bed, and ow I've got to weasel out of it. Marge: I know you think the Junior Campers are square and "uncool", but they also do a lot of neat things, like sing-alongs and flag ceremonies. Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals!... except the weasels. -- The morning after the Squishy bender, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"At school, Bart thinks he has a solution to his problem.Bart: All I've got to do is take this uniform back after school. Milhouse: You're lucky. You only joined the Junior Campers; _I_ got a dirty word shaved into the back of my head. Skinner: [gasps] What is it with you kids and that word? I'm going to shave you bald, young man, until you learn that hair is not a right: it's a privilege! -- The curse of the toupee, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Nelson: What's in the bag, wuss? [grabs it from Bart] Oh, look: [contemptuously] Campers' Pampers. Heh. [Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney appear, and the four bullies start to play "Keepaway!"] Bart: Yeah, whatever. [walks away] Jimbo: [blocking his path] You better pretend you want your uniform back, twerp! Bart: [gulps] [The bullies begin to play Keepaway again] Bart: [half-hearted] Oh, no. Woe is me. My precious uniform. -- Oozing sincerity, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Edna: Guess what, class? Martin: Time for a surprise quiz? Edna: Well, that's not what I was going to say, but it's a good idea. Hah! -- Thank you, Mr. Prince, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Edna: Take out a sheet of paper, books under your desk. Warren: [whining] I'm supposed to -- I've got -- I'm supposed to -- Edna: Oh, Warren, I nearly forgot. All Junior Campers are excused to attend their patrol meeting. Bart: [hastily putting on the uniform] Um, Mrs. Krabappel, I-I'd love to stay, but this uniform carries certain responsibilities. Nelson: Hey, look: sergeant Dork! Ha-ha! Bart: [slyly] Enjoy your test. Nelson: Ha-h -- [realizing] Aw! -- Saved by the skin of his teeth, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Bart walks up to the meeting room door: "Junior Campers Meeting Room," it reads, "Not affiliated with the Boy Scouts of America."Bart: Hello, alternative to testing! [Opens the door, sees Ned Flanders] Ohh... Ned: Well, it's Bart Simpson...come on in! You're just in time for "Sponge Bath the Old Folks" Day! Jasper: Help yourself...but stay above the equator! -- Frightening introductory activities, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Bart screams and tries to run out, but his necktie gets caught in the door and it chokes the air out of him. As he comes to, he hears Ned explaining, "Now, just breathe into him every three seconds. Make sure you form a tight seal around his mouth!" A plump child does as Ned suggests, and Bart tries to protest, but the sound is blocked by the other kid's mouth. Bart pushes him off and coughs, and the kid turns to Flanders uncertainly: "Should I keep doing it?"Ned: Well sir, just apply a smidgen of peanut butter to an ordinary pinecone and you've got yourself a makeshift bird feeder, sir! Bart: I'm outta here, man. [starts to leave] Ned: OK, now everybody take out your Junior Campers' pocket-knives. Bart: Huh? [excited] You guys get to play with knives? [grabs one of the other kids' knives] Aw, cool: a spork! Kid: Don't hurt me! -- Bart at a Junior Campers meeting, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"But Ned is quick with kind reproach: "Oops, sorry Bart. That's a Neddy no-no! You're not allowed to handle a pocket-knife till you read this booklet on knife safety and pass a test." Bart feels sour grapes as he looks at the booklet's title: "The 10 Do's and 500 Don'ts of Knife Safety," and he scoffs, "Aw, who needs a cruddy knife anyway?" A rhetorical question, it would seem.{On the way home, he walks past Moe's, muttering, "Knives are boring." Just then, a man flies out the door, followed by Moe, who holds (guess what?) a knife!}Moe: {When I say, "Put your beer on a coaster," I mean it!} Hans: {You call that a knife? This is a knife! [pulls a huge blade from his cane] [It's too heavy for him to hold up] [weakly] Ooh, down I go.} -- Crocodile Moleman, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Next, Bart comes across Martin. "Oh, hi Bart! I'd gladly share these sweet cookies with you, if only you would help me remove this ribbon." Jimbo happens by, and he volunteers his knife. He cuts the ribbon, and Martin thanks him, opening the box and suggesting everyone share the goodness. "Share this!" Kearney exclaims, pushing Martin in a puddle while Jimbo grabs the box. The bullies run off with the cookies, cackling.Bart happens upon a crowd of people surrounding a man who is clearly in pain. Dr. Hibbert kneels over the man and his diagnosis is that the man's appendix is about to burst. "Luckily, I have my trusty pocket- knife," the doctor smiles, making an incision and removing the inflamed organ. The crowd gasps, and he implores, "Stand back!" as he tosses the appendix away. It explodes with a flash, and everyone cheers the doctor's quick operation. "Thank you, Dr. Hibbert," says the man. "Don't thank me," the doctor laughs, "thank the knife!"Bart notices a trend: "Seems like everywhere I go, people are enjoying knives." So he relents and opens the book Ned gave him."Don't do what Donny Don't does"...[sighs] They could have made this clearer. -- Bart reads a knife safety book, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Things not to do, according to the book, are use your knife as a toothbrush, use your knife in a slingshot, or threaten your cat while it sleeps. "Oh, they won't let you have any fun," Bart moans. Homer walks by and sees what Bart is doing.Homer: [scoffing] Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons. Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive. Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. [ruffles his hair] [Marge leaves] [singing] Egghead likes his booky-books! Marge: Homer! Homer: Just tucking him in. -- Homer, master of tolerance, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Here you go: your rubber training knife. You've attained the rank of "pussy willow"! -- Ned to Bart the Junior Camper after Bart passes a knife safety test, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood""Rubber knives?" Bart is incredulous. "This place is for wimps!" He starts to walk out again, but Ned says, "OK kids, now I'm gonna teach you how to trap wild animals." Bart pauses, his hand on the doorknob. "This should only be used in life-or-death situations," cautions Ned. Bart gets an idea.Homer walks by the kitchen door and he notices a piece of cherry pie on a plate on the floor. He walks over to it..."Ooh! Floor pie!" As he reaches for it, a noose of rope on the floor which he didn't notice tightens around his ankle, and he is slung up from the ceiling, dangling back and forth upside down. Santa's Little Helper gobbles the pie up, but all Homer can do is watch impotently.Bart has now earned five badges: archery, debt collecting, embalming, TV trivia, and his latest, patch forgery, which he sews onto his sash.When Homer arrives home from work one day, he sees a pie on top of a green blanket on the driveway. He hops out of the car and onto the blanket, but the blanket's purpose was to conceal a pit in the driveway. Homer, the pie, and the blanket all fall into it. "Bart!" he yells angrily, {but he soon forgets his anger: "Mmm, apple."}Lisa and Bart watch an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, "Aaahhh! Wilderness!" In it, Scratchy plays the guitar in front of a campfire while Itchy roasts a marshmallow. It begins to rain and the fire goes out. So Itchy grabs some tent pegs and hammers them through Scratch's feet and hands. He then puts a stick under Scratchy's stomach to hold it up, and ties the cat's tongue onto one peg and hammers another through his tail. Itchy then lies down under Scratchy's body as though it was a tent. Although he is dry, the unfortunate Scratchy gets hit repeatedly by lightning.Lisa finds it amusing, but Bart points out an error: "The guys who wrote this show don't know squat. Itchy should have tied Scratchy's tongue with a taut-line hitch, not a sheet bend." Lisa is nonplussed: "Oh, Bart, cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic." Just as she finishes saying this, Homer walks by the window -- despite the fact that (another?) Homer already sits on the couch.Ned: {Howdely-hey, Camper Bart. Ready for today's meeting?} Bart: {You knowdely-know it, Neddy.} Ned: {Okily dokily.} -- Bart learns Nedspeak, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Ned: Our annual father-son rafting trip is next weekend. Bart: [thinking] Oh no, me bring Homer on a rafting trip? [In Bart's imagination, Homer wears a paper sailor hat and faces the wrong way in the raft] Homer: Duh, I'm the captain. My son is Bart. [splashes everyone with his oar] Father 1: What an oaf! Father 2: How embarrassing. Camper: Glad he's not _my_ father. -- Nightmare rafting trips, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Bart shudders at the thought. Another camper seems unhappy.Ned: Oh, Warren, I know your dad is in prison, but don't you fret! A special celebrity dad has been arranged for you. Warren: But -- my older brother would like -- Ned: [cheerfully] Sorry, but I'm afraid Ernest Borgnine has already been confirmed. [Ernest Borgnine walks in laughing] Ernest: Hiya! I'm sure you kids know me best as Sergeant Fatso Judson in "From Here to Eternity". [The kids except for Bart and Warren cheer] -- Or not, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Bart walks into the living room at home while Marge knits.Homer: How was jerk practice, boy? Did they teach you how to sing to trees? And build crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs? Huh? [His chair collapses] D'oh! Stupid poetic justice. Bart: Actually, we were just planning the father-son river rafting trip. Homer: Heh heh, you don't have a son. -- People unclear on the concept, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Bart goes up to his room to mull it over.Bart: [to himself] Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him and he'll say "No." Then it'll be his fault. Homer: [to himself] I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say, "Yes!" Homer's brain: Wait! Are you sure that's how this sort of thing works? Homer: Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip! Bart: [through clenched teeth] Dad, I really want you to come on this trip with me. Homer: [through clenched teeth] Bart, I'd be delighted to go on your trip with you. Bart & Homer: D'oh! -- The rafting trip showdown, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Warren seems less than impressed about his assigned celebrity dad, and Ernest tries to cheer him up. "Aw, come on, kid: quit crying! It'll be fun, I promise!" He laughs, but it tapers off sheepishly.McAllister: Arr, here be a fine vessel -- the yarest river-going boat there be. Homer: I'll take it! [The raft sinks] McAllister: [sadly] Arr, I don't know what I'm doing. -- The truth comes out, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Ned: Okey dokey, every dad find a partner. Two dads to a raft. [All dads except Homer shake hands and smile at one another] Homer: Please not Flanders, please not Flanders, please not Flanders -- Ned: Well, Homer, looks like we're boat-buddies, huh? Want me to zinc your sniffer? -- A fate worse than death, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"They all depart. The river is a fast-moving one, and everyone has to work at directing their rafts.Ned: Well, I guess now we know why they call them "rapids" and not "slowpids", huh? Bart: [appreciative] Ha, ha! Homer: You are not my son! -- Bart gets disowned in the raft, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"A little further down the river, Flanders searches through his pack.Ned: Now, what happened to that gosh-darn map I brought? [said map is on Homer's head as a sailor's hat. It blows off] Homer: Um, I dunno...but lucky for you _somebody_ here is responsible. [pulls out a "Krusty Burger Fun Map"] Hey, there's a _New_ Mexico. -- Useful geography trivia, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"The raft rapidly approaches a fork in the river. "Quick, Homer: which way do we turn?" But Homer is engrossed with the number of Krusty Burger locations on the map. Ned is forced to pick a path on his own. He chooses the left one, but everyone else goes down the right side. "Hey," wonders Ernest aloud, "where are the sissy and the bald guy going?"Homer, Bart, Ned, and Todd are swept over a few waterfalls, but eventually they end up at the mouth of the sea. "Paddle harder, Homer, we gotta fight the current!" Homer disagrees vehemently. He grabs everyone's paddle and says, "In a situation like this you just relax and let the current take you back to land." He lies back with his hands behind his head. But the land recedes from view rapidly until they are in the middle of the ocean. Homer stands up, looks worried for a moment, then says quietly, "D'oh."[End of Act Two. Time: 15:12][Homer dances on a beach with ice cream cones and lollipops] Homer: [singing] Sugar, do-do-do do, do do, Oh, honey honey, do-do-do do, do do, You are my candy girl... [batteries in walkman run down] Lousy piece of junk! [throws it into the water] Todd: Hey...I got that for my birthday! Homer: Now I have to face stupid reality again. -- Homer's escapism, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Homer: Flanders! My socks feel dirty. Give me some water to wash them. Flanders: Again? Homer, we have to ration the water carefully. It's our only hope! Homer: Oh, pardon me, Mr. "Let's ration everything", but what d'you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem? "Water, water, everywhere, so let's all have a drink." -- The Rime of the Modern Homer, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"He begins to slurp up the salt water, and the other three campers have to restrain him.Homer: Oh, what does it matter, we're doomed! [a seagull flies into view] Flanders: Wrong, we're saved! Seagulls always stay near land. They only go out to sea to die! [it squawks and spirals into the ocean] Homer: [triumphant] Woo-hoo! See that, boy? Your old man was right, not Flanders. We _are_ doomed! In your face, Flanders! -- Extreme grudge-holding, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Bart is quick to point out, "Well, at least Ned is trying. What are _you_ doing to help?" Homer gets bitter: "Since you're all such a big bunch of big ration babies, I'll just be in charge of the rationing." He grabs the ration box and begins to explain that the secret is to take tiny bites. At first he demonstrates by nibbling at some rations tentatively, but then he crams them by double handfuls into his mouth. Everyone has to restrain him forcibly, and Homer sobs, "Why couldn't I be on one of the smart rafts? I bet they're having the time of their life." He would lose his bet, however: the other rafts travel slowly between dark, ominous forests which emit rustling noises.{Chief Wiggum is talking on the phone down at the police station: "I keep telling you, lady, your husband and son have to be missing for a week before we can start searching. I'd like to help sooner, I would. But we're very, very busy down here." As he gets off the phone, he sighs with relief, and tells his checkers opponent, a dog, to king him.} Marge hangs up the phone worriedly, and Patty does nothing to reassure her by telling her that it _is_ cougar season and that cougars don't mess around.Back at sea, a plane hovers near the raft.Bart: A rescue plane! Get the flare gun! [Flanders does so, but Homer grabs it] Homer: This ain't one of your church picnic flare-gun firings, Flanders! This is the real thing! [He discharges the gun, and the flare hits the plane and explodes] D'oh! -- Homer, Church of Armaments member, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Homer reasons they're still OK because the minute they rescue the pilot, they'll also see the raft. But a plane swoops by, just catching the pilot before flying away.{Three dolphins swim up to the raft, and Flanders is relieved. "Here's our chance: dolphins always help humans lost at sea!" The dolphins chatter at the humans, and a caption appears on the screen: "You're all going to die." They swim away, and Ned calls out to them, "Come back! Come back!" They ignore him, and Ned becomes frantic.}Ned: {Oh, we're done for, we're done for, we're done diddely done for, we're done diddely doodily, done diddely doodily, done diddely doodily, done diddely doodily --} Homer: {[grabs him and slaps him] Flanders! Snap out of it! [slap!]} Ned: {Thank you, Homer...I don't know what got -- [slap! slap! slap!]} Bart: {[grabbing Homer's arm] Dad, I think he's OK --} Homer: {[slap! slap! slap slap!] It's better [slap!] to be [slap!] safe [slap!] than [slap!] sorry! [slap! slap! slap!] [apologizing] Sorry.} Flanders: {Diddely -- [slap!]} -- Violence solves everything, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"{Wiggum and Lou prepare a police boat for a search and rescue, but Wiggum is reluctant to cast off before the mini-refrigerator is stocked with beer and cold cuts.}Homer pushes a cheese doodle onto a fishhook and Flanders points out it's their last morsel. Homer says, "You'll thank me when we're frying up a big juicy fish." He drops the hook into the water and holds the reel of thread to which the hook is attached. "Godspeed, little doodle," sighs Neddy. A fish bites right away, but Homer is too complacent to do anything before the thread is all gone. "He'll be back," Homer thinks. That night he calls lamely, "Here, fishy, fishy, fishy. We're waiting."The next day the air is thick with fog.Homer: Son, there was something I was going to give you at the end of this trip, but since we may not survive, I want you to have it now. Bart: [gasps] A real Swiss Army knife! Cool! Homer: I stole it from that Borgnine guy. [Scene switch to a ferocious bear] Ernest: Don't worry, kids! I'll take care of him with my trusty... [searches for his knife]...er, er, um, er, uh, hmm. -- Who needed it more?, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Dad, I know I've been a little hard on you the last couple of days. If I had the strength to lift my arms, I'd give you a hug. -- Bart to Homer as they near death, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Homer begins to warn Bart about the dangers of a knife on an inflated raft, but he drops it. All the blades are extended, but fortunately none puncture the raft. Just then the fog burns off and the sun comes out. Its rays are focused through the magnifying glass on the knife, and it burns a hole through the rubber. Homer watches dumbly, and Bart says, "Dad, don't take this wrong, but your expression doesn't fill me with confidence."The foul stench of death is upon us! [sniffs] Mmm, hamburgers. -- Homer's famous nearly-last words, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Bart sniffs and says, "Hey, wait, I smell hamburgers too!" Flanders and Todd sniff the air and they smell the same thing.Homer: According to this map, there's a Krusty Burger on an offshore oil rig. Flanders: That's what you're smelling, Homer! Oh, if it weren't for this blasted fog, we'd be saved. Homer: Never mind the fog! [sniffs] That way! Steer, there isn't much time! -- The nose knows, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Homer uses his super sense of smell to direct them. On board the rig, Krusty paces back and forth anxiously.Krusty: Oh, I'm taking a bath on this. Man: We tried to tell you, these are _unmanned_ oil rigs. Krusty: Aw, close the damn thing down. No one's ever going to come. Homer: [runs in] Give me seven hundred Krusty burgers! Kid: You want fries with that? -- Just in the nick of time, "Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood"Bart tells Homer he's proud Homer's his father. "Go away, eating!" says Homer, stuffing his face.Meanwhile, Ernest Borgnine and the other Junior Campers are settling in around a fire. "It sure is lucky we stumbled upon this old, abandoned summer camp." He suggests they all sing a song, and the boys agree. He grabs his guitar and they break into "Bingo the Dog." From the trees around the fire someone watches them. As they sing the end of the chorus, the figure darts out and grabs Ernest. He screams.[End of Act Three. Time: 21:24]

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