Anyone coming into this game expecting a solid or even reasonably functional offense was delusional, but cold reality stings even when you know there's a blizzard outside and you're dressed only in a garter belt and a ball gag leaping from a 3rd story window into a snow bank...

Don't ask.

Metaphorically been there, bro. And literally, but let's focus on the metaphorically please.

Here is a list of potential SMU hires I am linking for no particular reason. Michigan's going to have more access than SMU if they need to make a coaching change at the end of the season, but Harbaugh Hail Marys aside the landscape isn't going to look too different than this list of eight candidates to replace June Jones after his sudden resignation. It's heavy on offensive coordinators, with those of Ohio State, Clemson, Baylor, and Oklahoma on the list along with some washed up dudes. (Butch Davis! Rick Neuheisel!) Michigan has a bunch of midlevel head coaches they can grab… it's just that there aren't any.

If you think that's excessively grim, look around the college football landscape for an established, pluckable head coach with a track record that makes you warm and fuzzy. I don't see one. Texas grabbed the best idea out there when they hired Charlie Strong to repair the damage letting Mack Brown hang on way too long caused. Washington picked off Chris Petersen. Penn State got James Franklin. There's nobody at a midlevel BCS program who's an obvious next big thing a la Meyer or Sumlin.

Unless you think Michigan can swoop in on a Texas A&M or Oklahoma State—extremely doubtful—there are virtually no available coaches who finished in the top 25 last year except George O'Leary (hooray!) and Todd Graham (because Todd Graham is always available). David Cutcliffe is 59; Art Briles is 58 (and not leaving).

The best bet outside the HHM may be Craig Bohl, who led NDSU to three consecutive national titles and various upsets of nearby I-A teams. Dual problems: he just got hired by Wyoming and he's 56.

Maybe someone will cut a hot swath of death through some conference or another, but legit A-level hires have track records of performing over expectations over a number of years. With Petersen, Strong, and Franklin off the board the pickings are slim. They get even slimmer if you insist on a coach who runs a program that looks like 1990s Michigan, because fewer and fewer programs do that.

Hail Harbaugh full of grace and all that, then. Or ripping off ten straight wins and going to the Rose Bowl. Either one. Preferably the latter. It could happen!

Actually, I wonder about that after the Great Card Stunt of 2012, which was not exactly North Korea quality. We are a goatish people, we Michigan fans: hard to lead, prone to irritating bleating, capable of grudgingly eating anything put in front of our face.

This week in People In Charge Of Things Are Just In Charge Of Them. Nothing about what Ray Rice did changed in the last couple days, but once people actually saw him knocking out his wife all of a sudden Rice is gone from the league. NFL officials are either 1) worse than TMZ at getting video, 2) lied to everyone about having saw it, or 3) saw it and thought two games was okay.

This is a comprehensive failure by an idiot. He's an idiot who makes 45 million dollars a year, and he's an idiot because he thinks this makes him untouchable. See Donald Sterling, Dan Snyder, etc. People in charge of things are not necessarily deserving of such a position and their judgments should be questioned, because no one inside these organizations is successfully doing so.

It is not the fans' fault that this program is awful to be a fan of. It's not Rich Rodriguez's fault. Anyone who sells their ticket for whatever they can get—currently 60 bucks and dropping from 80 yesterday—is only making a logical decision to not get punched in the soul dong on Saturday.

You are a true fan if you want the team to win a lot. Believing is optional, and right now kind of dumb.

Etc.: Shut up, Jim Delany, it is most definitely not premature to judge the Big Ten. Michigan Monday, hooray. Miami (Not That Miami) is not good. M is a 31.5 point favorite and YOU JUST HAD TO PICK THAT LINE, VEGAS, SERIOUSLY?

This is still in the not-gospel category but it looks like Desmond Morgan is going to be on the shelf a while.

This morning, the internet started rumoring about a linebacker out injured. This was vaguely confirmed (no name, no timetable) by Sam Webb. Now there are reports that Desmond Morgan has been spotted on campus with a cast on one arm. This confirms a report from our message board that I think is legit; I've followed up with the poster to get more detail.

Someone is hurt, and two different reports that it's Morgan, one eyewitness. I expect that he will be out for a bit; six weeks is the internet timetable, but I wouldn't put a ton of stock in that.

In Morgan's absence expect to see more James Ross. ND's offensive scheme will put Michigan in the nickel for most snaps, all but eliminating the WLB spot that Ross and RJS are occupying at the moment. Ross got some time at ILB against App State when Mattison was displeased with the starters. Michigan is going to need an option there if either starter doesn't live up to offseason hype.

Neither a team spokesman nor coach Urban Meyer would confirm the news, but sources said that Miller, who had been considered a strong candidate for the Heisman Trophy, suffered the injury while throwing a routine pass. He was not hit, having been off-limits from contact since off-season shoulder surgery.

Miller underwent an MRI this morning, the details of which have yet to be released. There's still no official word from Ohio State.

Before anything else, let me express my deepest sympathies for Miller; he not only faces what appears to be a tough recovery—if he injured the shoulder without any contact, it's likely his injury suffered against Clemson in January never fully healed in the first place—but he's in a very tough spot regarding his pro future.

Miller could take a redshirt and come back in 2015, but there were already serious questions about whether he could be a quarterback at the NFL level; if his best chance to make it is at running back or wide receiver, he's lost a critical year of development and faces a difficult choice: come back to school and take another year of punishment as OSU's QB, or go pro despite coming off a season lost to injury. Here's hoping he fully recovers his past form; he's a truly spectacular player to watch, and college football will be worse off this year without him.

As for the on-field ramifications, Ohio State looks like they'll enter the season with a redshirt freshman starting in Miller's place:

If Miller misses time, redshirt freshman J.T. Barrett currently leads redshirt sophomore Cardale Jones to be the next in at quarterback for Ohio State. Barrett redshirted in 2013 while recovering from a knee injury he suffered in his senior season of high school. Jones appeared in three games last season, completing 1/2 passes for 3 yards and rushing 17 times for 128 yards and a touchdown.

The Buckeyes must also replace RB Carlos Hyde, who rushed for over 1,500 yards in 2013, along with four starters on their offensive line. Their talent should allow them to contend for the Big Ten title anyway, especially if they can shore up their issues on defense under new co-DC Chris Ash, but this certainly hurts their chances at a national title run and likely makes Michigan State the frontrunner for the conference title.

UPDATE: Ohio State has released a statement confirming Miller will miss the 2014 season. Miller is on track to graduate in December; he plans to enroll in graduate school at OSU and return for the 2015 season.

Multiple outlets are reporting that Braxton Miller reinjured his shoulder in practice this evening, and it could cause him to miss the 2014 season. Tim May of the Columbus Dispatchfirst reported the news:

Ohio State senior quarterback Braxton Miller, considered by several polls to be among the preseason leaders to make a run at the Heisman Trophy, reinjured his right shoulder in practice this afternoon, sources told The Dispatch. The injury puts in jeopardy his playing status for the coming season.

An OSU spokesman would not confirm the news, and coach Urban Meyer could not be reached for comment.

Eleven Warriors reports that Miller left practice in a sling. Bucknuts claims a third source that says Miller was injured in today's practice. All are reporting that the injury is to Miller's right (throwing) shoulder, which he injured against Clemson in the Orange Bowl before undergoing surgery in February. Ohio State hasn't confirmed any of these reports thus far.

If Miller misses time, redshirt freshman J.T. Barrett currently leads redshirt sophomore Cardale Jones to be the next in at quarterback for Ohio State. Barrett redshirted in 2013 while recovering from a knee injury he suffered in his senior season of high school. Jones appeared in three games last season, completing 1/2 passes for 3 yards and rushing 17 times for 128 yards and a touchdown.

If Braxton Miller is out, Ohio State returns 19.1% of their rushing yards and 0.1% of their passing yards.