Software Engineer. Geek. Technojunkie.

Category Archives: Reflection

A very astute blogger described pretty accurately what it is like dating a geek/nerd in The Nerd Handbook. It’s a pretty good read. I recommend it.

Let’s discuss how it applies to me, and I do welcome feedback should anyone actually read this. Although really anyone that can comment on it from an experienced perspective is highly unlikely to read it.

Part I: The nerd is defined by their computer.

In a literal sense I don’t think that is me, sure I know computers fairly well, I should it has been nearly my entire life. But my computer does not define me. It’s the latter part of this paragraph that I relate to. I look at the world from a view of everything (except people) can be understood given enough time and effort. I also realize that sometimes it is not worth the effort to figure them out.

Part II: The nerd has control issues.

This is only somewhat true about me, believe it or not I do like change, but I need forms of constant to go along with those changes. If I don’t have that constant, I am very resistant to change. That makes the advice he gives later in the article very worthwhile. But I do like change, I like excitement, and frankly I need some excitement right now.

Part III: Your nerd has built himself a cave.

This is completely true about me, but not in quite the physical surrounding that he has set up. My cave has been built into me. I shut the world out, even when I’m really screaming to be heard inside. It’s a protection mechanism (albeit it a poor one), I’ve been hurt, and I try to pretend to be strong, but it’s no secret the people that know me can tell. They leave me alone because they know eventually I will burst and come to them to talk. Sometimes I just wish they would beat it out of me to get it over with, although I have found that doesn’t usually work, I usually still have to work it out myself.

Part IV: Puzzles & Projects

I love puzzles, I love projects, even if I get frustrated with both. When I’m dating someone they are certainly my project, I’m trying to prove myself worth of their attention. I like to think even once I have gained their affection sufficiently I still pay good attention, but I’m sure it does weaken whilst I work on another (non-relationship. I would never cheat, ever.) project.

Part V: Amazing Appetite for information

I am very much like this, so rarely do I watch TV exclusively one show at a time, I am usually watching while browsing the web, or programming. It is what I do, I don’t watch three shows at once, I watch one while I do something I hope is productive. The biggest thing is once I see something interesting, I have to go explore it, it will nag at me until I read it. This is why while I’m at work I have a different homepage set up, one that doesn’t have any news feeds. I just can’t stop myself from reading the latest tech news when I see a headline that is interesting.

Part VI: Efficiency engine

This is ABSOLUTELY true. It was always my biggest problem in school from late elementary school through college. If I cannot see an application to what I am being told, I really just don’t care to remember it. Even if I find it interesting, I will learn, be intrigued, and promptly forget it. I’m not being rude, I am genuinely interested, but if there is no value in me retaining it, it is likely to be forgotten. That is how I can listen to someone intently, give advice, and a week from now forget we ever had the conversation.

So that’s how I relate to the nerd handbook, the later part are some tips, some of them might work for me, some of that might be completely unnecessary.

I saw a random YouTube link to a music video of Apologize by OneRepublic. It’s an amazingly well put together music video, very artistic, and very representative of the song. The song is a little dark, and I’m not a fan of the reference to suicide but ignoring that it’s a song that got me thinking.

I’m told that I’m not a man to cross and that I’m not forgiving. It’s an image that I suspect I do a very good job of portraying, one that occurs somewhat naturally, and one that I use as a defense mechanism. Using a you hurt me, I’m not going to forgive you, and you will be sorry someday attitude.

Really the truth is I don’t think I can say that I could not forgive someone (aside from ridiculous circumstances of course). There’s two people in my life that have hurt me enough to be placed on my Dark List. I’m bitter towards them only as a defense, a way to cope with the pain they caused me. It’s no secret, it’s known who they are. One has managed to get off of it, it took 3 years, but they’re off of it.

I was visiting a mutual friend and they said that the person asked about me, asked how I was, and shared a story where she broke down in tears while talking about what she did to me. Said she missed having me as a friend. My initial reaction was “Yeah right, how can she miss me, I’m a completely different person. She doesn’t know me.” as by this point I was over her, the pain had dulled. The mutual friend, being older and wiser, essentially told me I was being a stubborn jerk. Not in those words, but the message was conveyed. (It went something more like, you know she can miss the friendship that you once had, and the friend that you were to her)

It stuck with me for a couple days, and I thought it over, I’m not going to lie it gave me a little bit of satisfaction knowing that the pain I felt for all those years was not just my burden. After a couple days of thought I tracked down her e-mail address, (those really are quite easy to get) and sent her a message, told her I was fine (mostly true) and that it’s unnecessary for her to worry about something that happened so long ago.

Genuine sincerity removed her from my list. I think that’s what it takes for me, it’s easy to tell when someone’s lying if you know them well. Will we ever be friends again, probably not, we’re different people now. That’s truly the first time I can say I’ve forgiven someone. I think if I can forgive a person who broke my heart, and in a fashion like no other, I think it’s safe to say it is possible.

So if you ever happen to get on my bad side, my really bad side, be sincere, if you’re not do not bother to apologize, it’ll only dig yourself further.

This is interesting, I’m not happy that I can be so bitter, but I am glad that I have it in me to forgive. I guess it stems from the fact that I am very sensitive, I care about people, even if I don’t show it, and when someone I care about hurts me, it’s a very long lasting hurt.

Anyway, it’s amazing how a simple song can bring up all of these thoughts. So check it out on Amazon’s new Download Service. Despite my admiration of Apple I’m going to support them over iTunes due to the lack of DRM. I know it’s the media industry’s attack on Apple, but higher quality and DRM free is certainly a step in the right direction for everyone.