JEZEBEL – Bronze-medal winning skater Adam Rippon changed his mind and decided not to accept a gig doing color commentary for NBC for the rest of the Olympics, possibly because the second week is when all the really serious Olympic Village sex goes down

THE BLEMISH – Evidently Apple’s brand-new $5 billion super high-tech headquarters includes glass doors so super new and high-tech that Apple employees routinely walk into them and get injured. No one seems to have concluded that Apple’s HQ is really the world’s first fully functioning Holodeck, so, you read it here first

CELEBITCHY – America’s current president seemed to be mad at an awful lot of different things this weekend, most notably — and least explicably — Oprah

VERY SMART BROTHAS – On a related note, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Donald Trump

LAINEY GOSSIP – Also related: Beyonce and Blue Ivy were the most photographed couple at the NBA All-Star Game this weekend. Blue reprised her bit from the Grammys where she got to look cool while mom held her snacks, *and* she got two different mascot rides. Blue is Oprah-in-training

DLISTED – Black Panther opened this weekend. Apparently it’s very good! People are excited to see it! And contrary to what you may have heard / seen on Twitter, no, random groups of black moviegoers are not attacking white moviegoers as they head into the theater

REALITY TEA – Lala Kent swears the now-infamous pasta argument between herself and James Kennedy really was about pasta and not actually cocaine. She may be telling the truth, but the next time you watch Vanderpump Rules and there’s a huge screaming match replace the subject of the screaming match with “pasta” and see how long you can go without giggling

UPROXX – Joel McHale is returning to late night snark on The Joel McHale Show with Joel McHale, coming soon to a Netflix near you. If you miss The Soup or wish you could have more sarcastic laughs at the end of the day, your wish has been granted

THE BLEMISH – Danny Masterson’s lawyers tried to get The Blemish to take down a story stating that Masterson has been accused of raping unconscious women and that the Church of Scientology allegedly helped cover it up. Which is true: though he hasn’t been charged, he’s been *accused*, and the LA Times has reported on the church’s involvement in the allegations. Anyway, what the site did instead of taking the story down was smart and you should give them your clicks

VERY SMART BROTHAS – 17 students were shot to death at Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida yesterday. It was the 18th school shooting in America in 2018, which was 45 days old at the time. We all may have forgotten this over the past few years, but schools aren’t supposed to be a venue for shootings and insecurity and panic

CELEBITCHY – “Donald Trump doesn’t think school shootings are a national tragedy”

JEZEBEL – It’s the links post Sunshine Trifecta: A woman in Lantana, Florida is accusing the mayor of offering to get her the neighborhood speed bumps she asked for in exchange for sex. Not that you shouldn’t be outraged, but this can’t be the first time this has happened in Florida

REALITY TEA – Countess Luann rejected the prosecution’s plea deal and now faces five years in prison for her Christmas Eve shenanigans. In case you’ve forgotten, those include allegedly “resisting an officer with violence” (a felony) along with trespassing and disorderly intoxication (both misdemeanors). No matter how unbearable your holiday may have been, Luann had it worse

DLISTED – The Smashing Pumpkins aren’t going to reunite with all four original members in 2018 for the same reason they didn’t do it in 2007: Billy Corgan is a doofus

VOX – In case you missed its debut last night because you had something else to do on Valentine’s Day, here’s the first trailer for The Incredibles 2. The first one was maybe the most fun Hollywood movie of this century so far, so hopefully the sequel can at least graze that impossibly high bar with its fingertips

UPROXX – George R.R. Martin probably just told the world (in the most oblique fashion possible) that the next Game of Thrones book won’t be out this year. Not that anyone has been able to pressure more words out of him, but wouldn’t it make more sense marketing-wise for the book to come out when the final season of the TV show airs next year anyway?

LAINEY GOSSIP – Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart may be dating again. Or it’s a conspiracy theory, which these days makes it as good as true

CELEBITCHY – Somehow, the pics of 45-year-old Dane Cook kissing his 19-year-old girlfriend are way less disturbing than the candids with the two of them posing side-by-side. Being able to see both of their faces makes them look like a father and daughter enjoying one last family vacation before she goes off to college

JEZEBEL – If you’ve been feeling especially miserable, depressed, run-down, ragged, or helpless for the past year and change, it turns out you’re not alone. According to a massive new Gallup poll, a mysterious, nameless sickness has been ailing a majority of Americans since late 2016

LAINEY GOSSIP – We’re now less than two months from Beyonce’s return to the stage at Coachella. So Beyonce has that much time to drop some surprise album / single / tour announcement, and the rest of us have an unofficial deadline for figuring out who the unnamed actress is that Tiffany Haddish says hit on Jay-Z at a party and almost got Beyonce to throw hands

REALITY TEA – Peggy Sulahian won’t be back for more Real Housewives of Orange County sleepwalking next season. Fan reaction appears to be a mix of high-pitched joy shrieks and shrugs

UPROXX – To celebrate the one-year anniversary of its release (and as part of its overall Oscar campaign), Get Out is coming back to theaters for free on President’s Day. The catch: it’s only going to play at, like, 100 theaters

VOX – Here’s a breakdown of how much Winter Olympic athletes have to eat every day. Cross-country skiiers are the most otherworldly, at between 4,000 and 7,000 calories. And ski jumpers are the most mortal, with a pitiful 1,300 to 2,500. Also, apparently teenage snowboarders are just like regular teenagers in that they can subsist on a diet of ice cream and churros and still function. Except, in this case, “function” means “Win a gold medal”

THE BLEMISH – Also, contrary to what you may have heard, the Winter Olympics are not being held at P.F. Chang’s

DLISTED – Those of you still hoping against hope for a third Sex In The City movie are in luck: Cynthia Nixon is still in Kim Cattrall’s good graces. Though, in her favor, Cynthia apparently called Kim to express her condolences for Kim’s dead brother, and a phone call is

CELEBITCHY – In fairytale wedding news, Prince Henry and Meghan Markle’s forthcoming nuptuals will include, but not be limited to: a horse-carriage ride through the streets of Windsor; a vow exchange at St. George’s Chapel helmed by the Archbishop of Canterbury; and literal golden tickets to the reception. Veruca Salt still wants two

VERY SMART BROTHAS – The Obamas’ official portraits went public today. People have thoughts on them! The growing consensus is that Michelle got the better look, continuing her unbroken streak of winning every public head-to-head against Barack

THE BLEMISH – YouTube suspended Logan Paul not because he is an insufferable douchebag, but because he gets YouTube consistent bad press (because he is an insufferable douchebag). Reddit banned FakeApp for the same reason. Basically, every “content creator” is still at the mercy of his platform, because those platforms are more corporation than outlet for free speech

CELEBUZZ – And speaking of YouTube, Shay Mitchell from Pretty Little Liars promised her assistant she’d go streaking around LA if she ever got three million subscribers. She hit the milestone last week, promptly dropped trou, and hit the bricks, leaving her assistant running to catch up. Shay Mitchell is raising the bar for content creators everywhere

UPROXX – In more social media news, Instagram will now notify you if someone takes a screenshot of your story; they’ll also tell you who took the screenshot (assuming the person is logged in). But it will only work for stories, not regular posts. And there’s already a loophole

DLISTED – Slow your roll, everyone who was excited by last week’s news that the Spice Girls were reuniting for a world tour: Posh “Victoria” Spice now says that the tour isn’t happening, though the group will get back together for…something

REALITY TEA – If you have dated Kristen Doute, you have had your phone ransacked by Kristen Doute. Also, if you are Lisa Vanderpump, Kristen Doute has stolen cutlery from your restaurant (and so has every other employee)

VOX – American figure skater Mirai Nagasu’s triple axel at the Olympics was somewhat overshadowed by the American commentators’ over-the-top reaction to it, but still really cool and impressive and worthy of all the superlatives it’s been getting. Here’s a tidy explainer on why the axel is such an elusive and tricky jump. Bonus: The article includes an official scoresheet, which is super helpful if you’re like me and haven’t been able to figure out why some skaters’ scores — like, say, Adam Rippon’s — aren’t as high as their performances would appear to merit

JEZEBEL – In other skating news: Ice dancing is ballroom dancing combined with barely-legal-in-public dry humping, so tune in if you haven’t been

LAINEY GOSSIP – 20-year-old Camila Cabello’s new boyfriend is a 30-year-old dating expert named Matthew Hussey. Matthew, who coaches woman, uses the professional mantra “Get The Guy,” which is passive-aggressive enough to remind me of the bit in Trainwreck where Amy Schumer is arguing with Bill Hader and she chides him for saying he likes going down on her. Anyway, here’s a photo of Camila and Matthew looking happy and cuddling on a Mexican beach

VERY SMART BROTHAS – Do yourself a favor and check out 85-year-old Quincy Jones’ delightfully batsh!t new interview, in which he makes the following claims: The Beatles sucked; Michael Jackson stole songs; Marlon Brando and Richard Pryor had sex; the mafia killed JFK; and Ivanka Trump, “wrong father” or not, has “the most beautiful legs [he] ever saw”

LAINEY GOSSIP – Tom Hardy is completely unf*ckwithable, but the just-released trailer for Venom is kind of a hot mess. Instead of yet another comic book super / anti-hero movie, can Tom Hardy star in a movie about a man who rescues puppies from inbound natural disasters and helps them through their puppy PTSD with the power of cuddles? It would be like We Bought A Zoo meets Castaway. But fun!

REALITY TEA – Ramona Singer’s ex-husband Mario tried to evict his former mistress Kasey Dexter from their Boca Raton apartment, then had to call the cops to get her to actually leave. The next season of RHONY is currently filming, so some version of this may make it onto the show

JEZEBEL – Bill Cosby’s legal team is trying to disallow testimony from new accusers in Cosby’s sexual assault case, claiming that the women’s stories would be “highly prejudicial” for the jury. Cue facepalm

THE BLEMISH – San Diego had to institute an official “Don’t Kill The Homeless” policy after a garbage truck accidentally picked up a can with a homeless person inside and nearly crushed the person to death

VOX – Jeff Sessions is afraid of marijuana the way Abe Simpson is afraid of skateboards. It’s almost cute until you remember that the drug policies he’s pushing were outdated 20 years ago, meaning Sessions is the political equivalent of the Fuller House reboot — something nobody really asked for and, now that they’ve seen it, nobody really wants

UPROXX – Last year, SteelHouse CEO Mark Douglas gave everyone in his company a three-day weekend in every month that didn’t already have one and threw in a $2,000 yearly vacation allowance. Since then, employee happiness and productivity have skyrocketed, since it turns out people really do like money and time off. #MakeAmericaEuropeForOnce

DLISTED – There are currently three Hollywood movies about Charles Manson and the Manson Family murders in production right now. Since you’re probably going to choose which one to care about based on who’s in it, just know that of them will be directed by Quentin Tarantino; one of them stars Matt “Doctor Who” Smith; and one of them will feature Hilary Duff playing Sharon Tate in the lead

CELEBITCHY – And speaking of Hilary Duff, Sharon Tate’s sister Debra is not pleased with Duff for taking the part of Sharon in the third Manson-related film, which is currently entitled The Haunting of Sharon Tate. Among the things Debra said: “It doesn’t matter who it is acting in it – it’s just tasteless. It’s classless how everyone is rushing to release something for the 50th anniversary of this horrific event.”

CELEBUZZ – Finally, in vaguely Manson-adjacent news, Mariah Carey’s sister Alison claims their mother raised them in a cult and taught them “satanic rituals” and that she and Mariah were “exposed to sexual activity and [animal] sacrifices” while growing up

CELEBITCHY – Donya Fiorentino, who was married to Gary Oldman from 1997 until 2001, is now openly accusing Oldman of abusing her in front of their children: “Our marriage was a giant car crash in which demented things happened….I would rather get eaten by a great white shark than go through that marriage again.”

JEZEBEL – And speaking of terrible things in retrospect, here’s the 2003 interview in which Quentin Tarantino defends Roman Polanski against claims Polanski forced himself upon a 13-year-old girl. Among Tarantino’s defenses: “She wanted to have it” and “She was down with this.”

REALITY TEA – Stassi Schroeder revealed that the former flame who tried to peddle her sex tape is none other than Frank Herlihy, who featured on Pump Rules‘ first season before apparently shuffling off to upstate New York, where he now works at a deli. “So, you’re fine.” -The fan of Stassi’s who told her this

THE BLEMISH – David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, who created the television version of Game of Thrones for HBO, are going to create an entirely new, non-Luke-and-Leia-and-Han-based series of Star Wars movies for Disney…

UPROXX – …but Disney is *also* planning an entirely separate line of Star Wars TV shows for their streaming service. Thanks to those, the brand-new Star Wars movies not yet in production, and the ones already coming out literally every year for the next three or four, whatever juice was left in this once-precious fruit is about to be squeezed out by a mechanical hand and packaged into oblivion

VOX – In a report since confirmed by the Pentagon, Donald Trump wants the American military to plan a big flashy parade for the American people to gawk at. Surprise detail: Rather than being inspired by a Russian show of force, Trump was apparently super impressed by the display France put on for their Bastille Day celebrations last summer. Basically, don’t be surprised if we start celebrating Fourth of July #2 this year

VERY SMART BROTHAS – Enjoy this explainer on the difference between “hungry” and “thirsty,” which comes with helpful Drake and Miley Cyrus examples for your learning pleasure

LAINEY GOSSIP – Here’s Robert Pattinson working out shirtless and possibly shilling for an Antiguan beach resort while he does so. He looks more like a cub than a tiger to me, but to each his own heat

CELEBUZZ – Either Heidi Montag is pregnant again or Spencer Pratt is trying to play coy for attention. Since the Kardashians already trolled that game into exhaustion, let’s hope it’s the former

DLISTED – Rob Gronkowski’s house got burglarized while Gronk was out of town for the Super Bowl. Anti-Philly fan theories currently percolating in the Boston metro area

DLISTED – Pepsi is following the hygiene industry’s lead and developing a snack chip just for women. (ICYMI: Pepsi owns Frito-Lay and Doritos.) CEO Indra Nooyi seems to think that women don’t like the fact that Cheeto powder sticks to your fingers and you have to lick it off…but isn’t that the best part about eating Cheetos?

REALITY TEA – Former RHONJ star Dina Manzo is getting dragged a little bit for the advice she gave Kylie Jenner upon the birth of Kylie’s first child. But the advice amounts to “Don’t make having a kid at 20 look too glamorous since you have it super easy and your fans are impressionable,” which seems like a pretty sensible, telling-it-like-it-is-on-a-sitcom thing to say

CELEBITCHY – Justin Timberlake’s Prince tribute at the Super Bowl halftime show was definite pandering, considering the two had a longstanding beef. Also, Timberlake’s outfit was both ugly and ridiculous — you can’t wear a vaguely camo-looking suit on top of a shirt with deer on it. The idea is to not get shot by hunters

THE BLEMISH – No, McDonald’s French fries do not cure baldness, help make you thinner, and lower your blood pressure. If they did, America’s current president would appear to the rest of the world the way he sees himself in the mirror

JEZEBEL – Tom Golisano, a billionaire, is so enraged that by the geese that poop on his upstate New York property that he’s refusing to pay a $90,000 school tax until authorities step in and deal with the problem. “Deal with” apparently means “Kill all the geese, since how else do you stop them (or anything!) from pooping? Plus, couldn’t he just apply for a hunting license and take care of this problem in one weekend? The ensuing cookout would be a lot more endearing than withholding $90,000 from kids

VOX – Speaking of goose poop, Ram took a Martin Luther King Jr. speech about as far out of context as they possibly could in using it to sell trucks with their Super Bowl commercial. Here’s what the speech actually says

VERY SMART BROTHAS – And here’s why Ram taking Martin Luther King Jr.’s words about as far out of context as they possibly could in using it to sell trucks with their Super Bowl commercial matters

LAINEY GOSSIP – The trailer for the new Jurassic Park movie debuted during the Super Bowl. It looked neat! But it revealed the inherent flaw in the franchise’s formula: it’s pretty much the same premise in every movie. (See also: Home Alone; Star Wars)

CELEBUZZ – Here are the best memes involving the #SelfieKid who was more absorbed with his phone than Justin Timberlake dancing next ho him at the Super Bowl halftime show

UPROXX – And here’s every Super Bowl commercial in one place, complete with a handy list of winning and losing commercials for you to argue over

DLISTED – Tom Hanks is going to play Mr. Rogers in a forthcoming biopic called You Are My Friend. It sounds like this particular movie might avoid the biopic’s cardinal sin of trying to cram an entire life into two-and-a-half bloated Oscar-intended hours, and will instead focus on a brief period in Mr. Rogers’ life. Good news all around!

REALITY TEA – Stephen McGee claims his recently avowed enemy and Summer House co-star Carl Radke “f*cked Scheana Marie” back in early December, though he gave some eyebrow-raising details as evidence

CELEBITCHY – Apparently Lorde didn’t perform at the Grammys because the powers that be only asked her to sing as part of the Tom Petty tribute and not to do a song solo. Though Lorde was up for Album of the Year, the show’s producer defended the decision by saying “We can’t have every nominee perform.” To which any rational observer might respond: Why did the other AOTY nominees get to do so?

JEZEBEL – Among the praise Nicole Kidman had for the bugs she ate on-camera for a Vanity Fair piece: “Awesome. Like nothing you’ve ever tasted. Like…a hairy…nut.”

THE BLEMISH – It really *is* easy to forget that Blue Ivy is just six years old in this clip of her shushing her parents at the Grammys…

VERY SMART BROTHAS – …until you see the pics of Beyonce holding snacks and a juice box for her daughter during commercial breaks

LAINEY GOSSIP – The dance Rihanna was doing at the Grammys is called Gwara Gwara; it’s from South Africa. Here’s that, plus a photo gallery of the woman doing what she does

UPROXX – Norm Macdonald is apparently going to join the ranks of David Letterman with his very own talk show on Netflix. The only thing that could be better is if Norm just became Dave’s permanent guest

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Ummmm WTF?

Oklahoman Patricia Ann Spann, best known as the woman who married her daughter in March 2016, has been sentenced to two years in prison on a charge of felony incest. Bizarrely, the charge comes a decade after Patricia also married her son…

Anfisa returning to Russia!

90 Day Fiance stars Jorge and Anfisa have returned to Youtube to share the news that Anfisa is going back to Russia! And after that, the two go shopping for gifts for Anfisa’s mother and grandmother, and it is a string of wonderful #Jorfisa moments!