Old School Wrestling

What if I told you that this was an unedited direct quote from Hulk Hogan’s pre-match interview in Wrestlemania 4?

All my Hulkamaniacs, they’re gonna feel it tooooo…. But if you look in their eyes, man, have you seen the fear in all those little Hulksters? They realize that when I get Andre the Giant cinched up in the launch position, when I SLAM him through the Trump Plaza, brother!

—from New York, down to Tampa, Florida, the FAULT LINE is gonna break off!

And as Andre the Giant falls into the ocean!—as my next two opponents fall to the ocean floor and I pin ’em, so will DONALD TRUMP and ALL THE HULKAMANIACS!

But as Donald Trump hangs on to the top of the Trump Plaza, with his family under his other arm, as they SINK, to the BOTTOM OF THE SEA—THANK GOD Donald Trump’s a Hulkamaniac!!!

He’ll know enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, DOG PADDLE with his life all the way to safety. But Donald, if somethin’ happens, if you run outta gas, and all those little Hulkamaniacs, just hang on to the LARGEST BACK in the world, and I’ll dog paddle us, backstroke all of us to safety!”

You would probably say something to the effect of “That’s the stupidest fucking thing I ever heard”, or “no way Hogan would say something that retarded.” When I was a kid I used to eat this shit up. As a grownup, I realize just how ridiculous the WWF (I refuse to call it WWE) really was.

In the 80’s, basically all the WWF Superstars would take an absurdly dangerous cocktail of recreational and performance-enhancing drugs including but not limited to: steriods, vicodin, cocaine, percocets, ect., and ramble into a microphone. There is no way in hell that any sane individual wrote that speech for Hogan. Hogan was the #2 all time offender of ridiculous pre-match interviews, second to only the Ulimate Warrior. Look at how coked out Hogan is during the entire promo, dude is flying. Still don’t believe me? Here’s the video.