7 Science-Backed Methods To Get You Out Of Your Head

People get stuck in their heads all the time – some of us more than others. Although it's lovely to ponder life and inquisite about yourself, the problem is that the majority of our thoughts are not so upbeat. When we’re in mind-wandering mode (a.k.a., “in your head”), thoughts usually turn to what bills are due, why your partner was a jerk last night, why a coworker took credit for your work today, why you reacted in a particular way to a family member, and so on. And, funnily, at times like this, when we're not focusing on anything in particular, the brain's default mode network (DMN) is "on," which means that the brain literally defaults to this kind of (worry-based) thinking much of the time.

When your mind is wandering in any direction from what you're doing, you’re a lot less likely to be feeling happy. One Harvard study a few years ago used a specially designed iPhone app to query people about what they were doing at random times throughout the day, whether they were thinking about that task or not, and how happy/unhappy they were. The verdict was clear, and became the title of the paper: "A wandering mind is an unhappy mind."

So getting out of our heads and back to the present is the key. How to do this has been the subject of psychologists’ debates for centuries, and philosophic debate for even longer. Here are tried and true (and science-based) methods to help get you out of your head and back into the present.

Man thinking on a train journey. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1. Get ready to “go there”

This sounds like a way to do exactly the opposite of getting out of your head, but it’s not. Getting in touch with your internal stuff allows you to process it, which lets you move on from it. The reality is that most people, especially depending on your generation, grew up with the notion that it’s better to hide your feelings than to talk about them. This, of course, is one of the most destructive ideas you to carry with you, because it means that thoughts never get processed – they just spin around your head ad infinitum. But addressing them by talking about them (with friends or better yet, a psychologist) is one way to step out of them.

“From the earliest exchanges between infants and parents, a self grows in relationship with those around them,” says Todd Essig, PhD, fellow Forbes contributor and practicing psychologist in NYC. “So too is the case in adulthood. We come to know ourselves in dialogue with others.”

And people are starting to talk more openly about their experiences and pain, which is a very good thing. It should be pointed out that medication can absolutely be useful – and life-saving – for some. But if you’re not processing your experiences at the same time, then the underlying problems will continue. Even if you can’t go to formal therapy, talking about how we feel with close friends helps us process events and emotions in a way that going over and over them in your head simply can’t.

2. Be a storyteller, not an ruminator

That said, there’s a double-edged sword: The danger of introspecting too much, of course, is that it can easily turn into full-blown rumination – an endless cycle of self-examination and worry that goes nowhere. David Brooks wrote a great piece on this issue last week, pointing out that it’s critical that we create a narrative, rather than a cycle of overly-detailed self-inquiry. “When people examine themselves from too close,” he writes, “they often end up ruminating or oversimplifying. Rumination is like that middle-of-the-night thinking — when the rest of the world is hidden by darkness and the mind descends into a spiral of endless reaction to itself. People have repetitive thoughts, but don’t take action. Depressed ruminators end up making themselves more depressed.”

Instead, as he and others have argued, you should think of yourself like a storyteller, trying to fit events into a general framework, rather than pouring over each little piece of information. “Introspection is a closed system,” adds Essig. “Patterns of growth only emerge by opening yourself to input from others. Can you imagine doing a search on an iPhone with no network connection? Even the best search strategy, i.e., introspection alone, would be terribly limited. So too with cognition, feeling, and desire.”

3.“Be slightly inappropriate”

This may be the best method of all, though it's easier said than done. While it may not be scientifically “proven,” you’ve surely witnessed it in action many times: When someone asks you a question that’s a little too personal, you may have noticed that after the initial surprise, it actually feels good to answer it, because it opens the conversation up to another level. The truth is that most of us actually want to be more open and connected with one another, but just don’t know how to go about it – it’s so ingrained in us not to offend anyone and not to over-share, that we end up being too conservative.

Gretchen Rubin put it well in her article about small talk a few months ago, when she noticed that when people are a little too inquiring, it actually doesn’t put others off – it opens them up. “I can’t use this strategy, myself,” she wrote, “because I don’t have the necessary gumption, but my husband is a master. Over and over, I hear him ask a question that seems slightly too prying, or too cheeky, and I feel a wifely annoyance, but then I see that the person to whom he’s talking isn’t offended–if anything, that person seems intrigued and flattered by his interest.”

4. Talk to a stranger

In the same vein, building connections with others – even if you don’t actually know them – is another good way to step outside your head, particularly in these days of iPhone isolation. A recent study at the University of Chicago found that when participants were asked to talk to a total stranger on the train or bus, doing so brightened their moods considerably – and even more amazingly, it also brightened the mood of the stranger. Again, this is probably because we really do want to connect with one another more – even with strangers – but just aren’t sure if others want to. It turns out they do.

So try overstepping the bounds just a little – not so much as to freak the other person out, but enough to show them that you’re up for feeling a little more connected. Or talk to the guy next to you on the bus. It will certainly get you out of your head, not to mention brighten your day, and his.

5. Deactivate the “Me Centers” of your brain by meditating

There’s almost no mental practice that has more research behind it than meditation: Studies from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, UCLA, Stanford, and UMass, to name a few, are showing the effects of meditation training on brain functionand brain structure. But among its more striking benefits, meditation seems to deactivate the “me centers” of the brain, the areas that are active when we’re having thoughts related to the self – self-referential thoughts.

In fact, the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) is an area that’s “on” when we're having these thoughts, and meditation has been shown to quiet activity this area of the brain. In fact, experienced meditators’ brains were also shown to co-activate areas involved in self-monitoring, suggesting that their brains may always be on the “lookout” for me-centered thoughts, ready to bring them back to the present moment just as fast.

Of course, meditating has also been shown to help treat other related mental health issues, like depression, addiction, anxiety, and attention deficit disorders, as well as to improve concentration, attention, and cognitive performance. So give it a try: Start with sitting, and focusing on your breath for five minutes. If your mind wanders, just observe that wandering, with a sense of curiosity, and pull it back to your focus. That part – the pulling the mind back, again and again – is really the heart of the practice.

6. Focus on someone else

Lots of people have said that helping others is actually a selfish deed because it’s such a good way of helping yourself. We know this on an intuitive level, and studies also show it to be true. Last year a study at the University of Exeter Medical School found that people who volunteered their time for various causes were less depressed, and had greater well-being and life satisfaction than people who didn’t. (They also lived longer, but that’s another story.) Helping others helps you because it forces you get out of your own schtick and focus on something outside yourself. If you’re a parent, you know that focusing on another person (even if they’re a tiny, demanding one) does a similar thing. But when you actually set out to spend your time on another person or cause, you’ll find that it’s a very good way to move the focus away from you. Try asking someone who looks down if they need to talk. It’ll certainly make them feel better, just to be asked that question. And you’ll be the better for it, too.

7. Learn what mindfulness really is

If you still can’t seem to hop outside your head, try a few minutes of mindfulness whenever you notice yourself getting stuck there. Although it’s become a buzzword over the last few years, mindfulness really is an effective way to introspect productively. If you find yourself spinning a thought around in your head, try to stop and investigate it. (Here’s a good how-to on that.) Notice what it feels like, what sparked it (if you can), and how your body feels in response to it. Often, just observing it curiously can make it much less scary.

Many mindfulness experts have said that the most important thing to remember is that thoughts don’t have to be believed – they come and go into our heads like clouds, often very randomly. So if you can just acknowledge a thought non-judgmentally and then let it go, you’ll be in good shape. The letting-go part is, of course, the hard one, but with practice, it can happen. And then your thoughts lose their power over you.

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So if you find yourself in an endless cycle of rumination, step back and try one of these methods. Talk with a friend or a psychologist; mediate for five minutes; ask another person (or stranger, if you’re feeling bold) how they are; share a little (too much?) about yourself; introspect curiously into your thoughts and then try to let them go.

The mind is a pretty cool place – but when it gets to be too much, it’s important to know how to take a break from it.