Japanese Court Upholds Deportation Order For 83-year-old With Korean Heritage

Dec 10, 2016

The Tokyo High Court has ruled against an appeal by an 83-year-old man with Korean forefathers to continue to reside in Japan without a valid permanent residency visa.

The courts were forced to uphold a strict interpretation of the law and recognize Emperor Akihito as an “outside person”.

“The law clearly states that a ‘gaijin is a gaijin is a gaijin’,” the high court judge announced.

According to legal scholar Kevin Steerman, the courts had no option but to “obey the letter of the law”, as this would otherwise set a precedent allowing other members of “tenuously divine family lineages to find their own way into a position of completely passive and basically negligible power”.

While disappointed with the 10-second court-ruling, Emperor Akihito remains optimistic that Japan’s stringent racial categorization criteria will one day stretch to rulings that are deliberated on for at least 20 seconds.

“I was born into this position, I didn’t choose to reign over Japan for the past 28 years without a visa,” said Akihito.

As of yet no Japanese citizen has commented at all on the role that immigrants could theoretically play in stabilizing the nation’s breeding and age disparities, though according to sources they are continuing to diligently ignore it in favor of an apparent sorcerer who combines apples and pens.