Sometimes we all struggle to relax, we have things on our mind that we can’t shift. Whether it’s an impending sense of doom due to another day at the office, or an unrelenting unrequited love. Everyone needs help trying to calm down sometimes.

There are many ways to achieve relaxation, some more effective than others; for instance, many people choose herbal remedies, or “placebos” as they’re more accurately known. Other people will choose a swift pint or nine, and that works, but it’s not a long-term solution.

Below I will describe a first class, drug free method of relaxation: THE SCENIC WEE

Let me explain. In this technique I use two natural relaxation methods and run them in tandem for an unparalleled sense of serenity, unsurpassed, I believe, since the dawn of civilization. Sometime ago I was talking to a 7 year old child, we were discussing urination. A fairly standard topic in males, young and old. I asked the boy what he thought about having a wee and his answer was as dramatic and mind opening as it was simple, he said “it’s relaxing.”

And he is spot on, it is wonderfully relaxing, but we take it for granted because, so often, it’s carried out in a windowless, dank room in a rush or with other things on our minds.

So what’s the best way to really maximize the good vibes that a wazz produces?: take it outdoors. But not just anywhere, a street corner is uninspiring and the threat of being caught will negate any upbeat feelings that the tinkle will induce.

Take it to the countryside, get away from it, position yourself with a beautiful vista and just let go. Stare off in to the middle distance and open your bladder. A beautiful view will always make the soul fly, and when experienced in tandem with a relaxed bladder, boy oh boy is it relaxing. You do the math. Here are a couple of examples, enjoy:

This expulsion was up in the wilds of Scotland, scenic wee territory extraordinaire

This was filmed at the enchanting Cuckmere Haven:

Aaaahhhhh….

I have had the good fortune to practice this all round the world and I hope you enjoy what I have taught you today. I’m afraid to say that this method does not work for the ladies, the crouching position they must adopt means that true relaxation can not occur. This is a sad function of our gender differences and, to all girls, I send my best wishes.

ADDITIONAL SCENIC WEE DONE JUST RECENTLY FROM LEPROSY POINT BRIGHTON!!!!: