The guide feature on cable is supposed to be my friend. During a recent “nothing good is on” spell, I stumbled across the headline “Party Down South” and immediately looked at the channel to see if this was porn. It was not. Instead, it read CMT and made me think twice about what it could possibly be. As nothing else was appealing I decided to click on this channel and found a nugget from heaven. The first scene I see is a drunk amazon woman falling out of taxi van and a bunch of wasted southerners yelling and complaining about how trashed she is. The cab drops them off at this house and chatter begins about the whereabouts of Daddy. The camera cuts to a shot of a man who is sleeping in a hammock. In my brain, I wonder if he is the father to this brood of white trash but quickly learn that he is one of them and had simply passed out in the hammock. They bumrush the hammock and wake daddy to restart the party. I watch for another 15 minutes and try to figure what the eff is going on. In the end, it’s Redneck Real World and later find out that the Jersey Shore producers are behind it all.

Overall, white trash Kristin Cavallari will give you the boner you seek so watch and have your DVR handy as they speak in tongues you may not understand.