Showing his more feminine side, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has yielded to the thousands of letters he had received from the readers of girl magazines Seventeen, Tiger Beat, and Teen Vogue, pleading with him that the Senate conducts a sleepover to bring about world peace.

"Like, if the Senate just had more, like you know, sleepovers with S'mores and popcorn they'd realize how icky war is," said a letter from Muffy Binghamton of Canoga Park, California.

~ "If we had more Sleepovers For Peace in Congress and the White House we would all be living in peace long time ago and the war in Iraq would have never happened maybe?" said another letter signed by Alice Booth of Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Some of the girls have been invited to the First Sleepover For Peace on Capitol Hill. "I sent a letter on 'Hello Kitty' stationery and Senator Reid not, like, only answered my letter, he agreed," said Annie Putnam of Salem, MA, to our correspondent. "He also invited me to the very first sleepover as, like, the guest of honor."

"Senator Collins of Maine is bringing the S'mores and Senator Clinton is bringing the soda and chips," Annie confided to us. "And Senator Kennedy will be sneaking in the booze he stole from his parent's liquor cabinet... Shhhhhhh!"

Washington insiders are speculating whether Senator Clinton will be bringing along her husband - a possibility that might turn the Giant Senate Surrender Sleepover For Peace into anything but peaceful.

Democratic senators and little girls? We must keep a lid on this. I'm calling my KGB contacts right now. There will be a lot of dirt that must be swept under the People's carpet. Kommissar Vodkov is in fact an expert on fact disinfection. Those who don't keep their mouths shut will disappear into a black hole. Let the orgy begin! Kommissar Vodkov will watch over you!

Ahhhhh by Stalin! I have just made an incredible discovery! I am using the bourgeois invention of beer to help with the redistribution of whiskey. This beer was bought with hard-earned welfare money (and is therefore an instrument of wealth-redistribution by itself). But what do I see when I look at the bottle? "Samuel Adams - Brewer - PATRIOT!!!!" I'm drinking a beer brewed by a FACIST for the purpose of wealth redistribution! Ahahahah I whish he was alive to witness this! Samuel Adams; you have become an instrument of International Socialism!

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise