Monday, 18 November 2013

Facial Hair for Everybody

THIS statement may be the beginning to great entertainment in my life...or the start of wine-o'clock (or sometimes both).

"What's that?" I ask.

"How come evergreens don't shave?"

"Ummm, because they like their whiskers?" I hazard a wild guess.

There's this pause and JUST when I think my bullshit has been called:

"Okay."

Whew!

"Yup, whiskers...all year long."

Siri you Bitch

I recently updated my cell to the iPhone 5s. I love having an iPhone - they're easy to use, but I must admit autocorrect has a serious hate on for me. Now with Siri talk-to-text I've arrived in an entirely new level of texting Hell.

I gave Siri a whirl and totally did NOT CHECK what it wrote. Call me trigger happy on the send button. Call me stupid. Call me regretful.

Because I am.

This ranks an entirely new NUMBER ONE on my list of things to NEVER EVER send your mother...ever.

What was That?

I am thinking I am deaf as a freaking post. Here is a short list of hearing fails recently:

1. Not surfing for prostitutes...apparently."OMG?! Did they just say go to www.ultimatehooker.com?" I ask."Ultimate poker," my son's Dad tells me."Oh, thank goodness. That would've been wrong."2. Is that Proactiv in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"Did you just say you have zits in your pocket?" I ask my Mom - totally baffled."No, I have a Kleenex in my pocket.""Wow, that's way more sanitary.""Get a hearing aid."3. Student handouts that would send a message"Your teacher gave you butts?" I ask Reece for some clarification (justifiably I should think)."No! Inspiring Leadership bracelets," he corrects me."Well, that makes more sense."I think I'll be making a hearing test appointment...soon.