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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Finality...the Dear John letter

It is way too easy for people to forget the good a person has done all along when you have someone suddenly appear, like a dream come true, and takes care of everything.

You look at certain things, certain messages, as justification for your use and abuse of this person's generosity. Do you really think the things you do will not have repercussions in the end? Do you really think she will be able to separate the love she has for you and the money she is trying to provide for you and not get caught up?

This is the example of the fantasy you cling on to; the one you hold on to as a crutch.

How can you claim to reach for the stars if you come up with every excuse for your feet to be stuck in the earth?

But enough about that...when Karma comes in and rapes you with this grand scheme you and her have going, I won't be around for the fall out.

As far as this so called admittance of wrong/apology I'm supposed to give you...

You are one of the most self-absorbed, laziest pricks I have ever come across in life. You are on the street, don't have a pot to piss in, and instead of thinking, "I must not be a total bitch since I called to see if you were all right." the only thing you can say is "I want you to admit I was wrong."

Wrong for not enabling you in your using ways? For not wanting to be the next Faye--for not wanting the so called three weeks to turn into years. For you not respecting my right to privacy, the freedom of living by myself without the burden, the obligation of having to care for another human being besides myself.

Wrong because of all the other times I helped your ass out, this is the one time when I was like, "You are asking too much."?

Like you are entitled to have women take care of you?

How dare you! You knowing what hell I was put through with taking care of my partner and then expecting me to go all out for you? At least she had me during the time I was without. At least she acted like she cared about what I was going through all up until the time she got too sick to see beyond herself.

You hear me talk about stuff and act like what I go through doesn't mean anything. Like everyone has to drop everything they are doing to look after you. Like no one else has a life. You're a parasite, clinging on to others. How about when you moan and groan, you just need someone to listen, but if I dare to talk about things going on with me, I'm accused of being ungrateful and whining and not caring about your problems...

Which is why I never want to tell you shit. Because people who don't work for shit cannot relate to those who do. It's so easy for you to sit back and tell me what I need and don't need to do.

You talk so much smack about other people but no absolutely nothing about what it is like to work hard because you don't want to do it. You aren't ready to do it. If you were, you wouldn't be in this situation for as long as you have been.

And you haven't learned your lesson. You still want to play victim. You enjoy it, but it's played out. It's played out with me. After you were homeless for the first time, you should have tried harder not to put yourself in the position the second time.

But you hold me responsible for your lack of trying and leaning on others. If I had to lean on everyone, I would never have gotten as far as I have.

Because in my reality, people help those who are really trying to help themselves.

In my reality, true friends are understanding when their friends are going through heartbreak, personal hardship, and trying to rebuild. They don't add to the burden; they don't accuse the person of being a false friend or negate all the good they did in the past.

And I'm not dealing with the unevenness anymore.

You will not be getting an apology for what I did, just for the timing being fucked. That's it. I would make the same decision again.

And contrary to your opinion, more people agree with my decision than you think; they just aren't going to say that ish directly to you.

So I guess you and I will never talk again in this life.

I will pray that you get to the point where you stand up and be a functioning member of society instead of being a succubus. I will pray that you will get tired of playing victim and mooching off of women.

I will pray that you will understand why it has to be this way, and I'm sorry that you feel as if I wasn't a friend to you.

But I know I was; you just asked for too much. And I'm human; even Superwomen like me have a breaking point.