Depression Report

I didn’t blog that last week I had something said to me as a comment on my behavior that dug out my depeest childhood hurt and over two day brought me the fits of crying and deep sadness. I am slowly emerging from that sad ness. Today is a hard day. I want to jsut bury myself in a book that will take me away from how I am feeling. I need, badly need, to find a cheaper place to live. Sharing with someone. this both attracts and scares me. The loss of my freedom to be a slob, to live like a wild man in a cave. And my sense of vocation to being a hermit. my old attraction to religious life. I have been happy feeling like a hermit for a while. there are moments of real joy and deep content resting in the lap og God. But my practical life has gone to hell. I am searching for another place to live in two ways. Someone to come here and take a larger apartment with me. Ot to find a room with someone elsewhere. I had someone that was to call me this morning and arrange to come by and check things out. He hasn’t called. I also have an older man wanting to share. We haven’t me. I had to cancel because I don’t think I have enough gasoline to get there and back. I will also need gas to do some grocery shopping soon. I have food stamps for that. I feel so stuck here. I need to look for new ads on craigslist but I am dragging my feet. I feel sad and tired and headachey. The weather is overcast and very humid and that does affect me. So I will be going forward looking at ads fairly soon I hope. First I needed to pour this out, hoping to get it out of my way. And I need to apologize and expain to those offenbded by my using the F work in a previous post, in an email list.