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Tuesday, 25 October 2016

It's Alive!!!

Walt: write effective paragraphs and link to make a great story

Key Colours:Blue = SimpleOrange = CompoundPink = Complex

Picture:

Coloured version:

“ Time to go Jess!” her mum yelled “Coming!” Jess said as she sprinted to the car in excitement. Jess had packed her favourite snacks, Watermelon, cookies, pineapple and a water bottle. They arrived at Mt Wellington. She and her family hopped out of the car and started strolling happily.

Once everyone had made it to the top they sat down to have a snack…Thomas ( Jess’s little brother ) went to play for a while and found a tree facing the horizon so he sat down. “Jess! Come look at this” he screamed with no reply. Thomas soon realised his voice was muted and his word were only in his head.

Thomas tried to leave and find his family but he couldn’t move either.Struggling to move he screamed at the top of his lungs and it came out as a small yell, luckily Jess caught his voice and followed it to him.Thomas seemed paralyzed for moments till she broke him free from what seemed a curse.

Jess and Thomas went back the next day after Jess was informed of the situation. “Are you sure it was around here?” Jess asked. “ 100% positive sis” Thomas replied. Minutes later they found the tree “ Don’t go too close to it!” Thomas whispered “Or else it will happen to you next!” “ I hope not…” she whimpered. Let get this sucker.“Who are you!?” Jess screamed. “It’s none of your business children, now away with you I have things to do…”“ Not a chance” Thomas exclaimed. “ If I stop will you?” the tree said “ what did we do!?” Jess questioned “ People always sit on me and try to cut me down, so if I stop will you?” “We had no idea… deal then and we also apologise on behalf of everyone” “Yes me too…” “Let’s go home now Thomas” Jess said happily once again.

For years Thomas and Jess had been bringing things to help the tree out.

The tree had always been kind and happy since the day the two children apologised and everything was forever well.

Normal Version:

“ Time to go Jess!” her mum yelled “Coming!” Jess said as she sprinted to the car in excitement. Jess had packed her favourite snacks, Watermelon, cookies, pineapple and a water bottle. They arrived at Mt Wellington. She and her family hopped out of the car and started strolling happily.

Once everyone had made it to the top they sat down to have a snack… Thomas ( Jess’s little brother ) went to play for a while and found a tree facing the horizon so he sat down. “Jess! Come look at this” he screamed with no reply. Thomas soon realised his voice was muted and his word were only in his head.

Thomas tried to leave and find his family but he couldn’t move either. Struggling to move he screamed at the top of his lungs and it came out as a small yell, luckily Jess caught his voice and followed it to him. Thomas seemed paralyzed for moments till she broke him free from what seemed a curse.

Jess and Thomas went back the next day after Jess was informed of the situation. “Are you sure it was around here?” Jess asked. “ 100% positive sis” Thomas replied. Minutes later they found the tree “ Don’t go too close to it!” Thomas whispered “Or else it will happen to you next!” “ I hope not…” she whimpered. Let get this sucker. “Who are you!?” Jess screamed. “It’s none of your business children, now away with you I have things to do…” “ Not a chance” Thomas exclaimed. “ If I stop will you?” the tree said “ what did we do!?” Jess questioned “ People always sit on me and try to cut me down, so if I stop will you?” “We had no idea… deal then and we also apologise on behalf of everyone” “Yes me too…” “Let’s go home now Thomas” Jess said happily once again.

For years Thomas and Jess had been bringing things to help the tree out.

The tree had always been kind and happy since the day the two children apologised and everything was forever well.