Just Kidding, Tati Neves Is A Hooker

Yesterday, the Internet was rocked by a video of Justin Bieber sleeping which his people swore up and down was not taken by a prostitute while conveniently leaving out the fact everyone thought that because earlier in the week Justin Bieber was in an entire building filled with them. Except it turns out that Tati Neves, the model who made the video, is – Surprise! – also a hooker, according to Gawker. Apparently, she advertised her services in a nude magazine called Private which you can see extremely NSFW scans of on Egotastic if you’re in the mood to give a Brazilian model/prostitute a pap smear with your eyes. HPV is serious business, so I’m not about to judge you if you do. These are perilous times.

Might be better to say. “if you’re in the mood to give a Brazilian model/prostitute a colposcopy.”

Pap smears are also done with the eyes. While there is of course the swabbing and whatnot, the actual pap smear is read by a pathologist looking under a microscope. In a related story: During medical school, I was reviewing some pap smears and we found some strange looking cells under the microscope. Great big rectangle looking things…. turns out it was plant matter.* Pretty sure the patient was going to town on a cucumber like 2 hours before her pelvic exams.

So… I worked as a Medic for a decade in Las Vegas. During that time, we got a call that was very vague on information. Apparently during the course of some very hot sex, the wife had the inspired idea of inserting her child’s lightsaber into the rectum of her husband. (collapsible kind… and no it wasn’t the hilt.).

Little known fact. While having sex, the anus can and will spasm and gain a death grip on anything inserted into it. And unfortunately, it will generally not let it go. Finding a way to transport that patient out of his house while maintaining some semblance of dignity was without a doubt the most challenging day of my career.

On a side note, I found it interesting that the doctor said to treat it like an impaled wound. Which meant I was forced to stabilized the object.