Putting a Humorous Twist on the Mundane

Fifty Shades Darker – The Conclusion

Ana wakes up with a headache and contemplates Mr. Grey’s marriage proposal over a glass of orange juice and a couple of Advil.

I know that I always like to contemplate life-changing decisions with a hang-over.

Mr. Grey wakes up panicked in part because he had a nightmare and in part because he doesn’t see Ana anywhere and believes that she has left him.

She runs to him when she hears him crying. Then, they have sex.

Turn page. Turn page.

Mr. Grey tells Ana about the time his mother’s pimp used him as an ash tray. Then she and Mr. Grey go back to sleep and when she wakes up again she realizes that she’s late for work.

Apparently she picked a really bad day to be late to work because Creepy-Crawly Jack is in a super pissy mood and barks at her all day.

Jose calls Ana at work to make arrangements to deliver Mr. Grey’s photos of Ana to his apartment and all to see if he and Ana can have dinner.

Then Mia calls Ana to make arrangements with her about Mr. Grey’s birthday party later that week.

Jack is progressively nastier and nastier to Ana through out the day.

Ana scurries to get everything ready for Jack to take to his conference the next day. She realizes that she hasn’t had anything to eat so just after 6 pm, when the office is conveniently empty, she goes to the break room for a snack.

Jack follows her into the break room and closes the door behind him. Uh oh! This can’t be good.

Chapter 16

Sure as shit, Mr. Grey was right. SIP’s emails are all monitored and Jack has been reading Ana’s emails to Mr. Grey. But, he can’t seem to find Mr. Grey’s responses to Ana.

Jack has clearly been drinking and accuses Ana of teasing him. He also demands that she show him some gratitude for hiring her because she was inexperienced and not actually the best person for the job.

I think he’s absolutely right. She should show him some gratitude for hiring him. Give him a cookie, Ana! he’s earned it!

Then the name-calling starts. Can somebody please tell me what a “prick-tease” is? Apparently Ana fits the description, at least, according to Jack. Still, I’m not sure I understand what a “prick-tease” is. That’s new to me.

Jack makes his move on Ana.

Ana shows her gratitude to Jack by knocking him on his ass. Way to go Ana! You may be annoying but at least you can kick butt!

Ana runs into Mr. Grey and Taylor as she is running out of the building. She tries to tell him what happened but bursts into laughter instead. Taylor runs into the building. Mr. Grey tries to join him but Ana pleads with him not to go and then tells him about the emails.

He is furious, makes a phone call to a third party demanding that all of Ana’s emails are wiped from the server and also that Jack Hyde be terminated immediately.

Then comes the round of “I told you so’s” I’m not really sure this is the time for that but it seems to me that inappropriate timing is a common theme with these two.

Finally, Mr. Grey puts Ana into the car and goes into the building in search of Taylor and Jack.

25 minutes later Jack is being escorted out of the building by security, Taylor and Mr. Grey.

Mr. Grey, Taylor and Ana drive away. In the car, Mr. Grey receives a phone call, presumably from an employee at SIP confirming that Jack has been fired but also that some interesting things were found on his computer. Unfortunately for the readers, specific details are not disclosed at this time.

Mr. Grey is very angry at Ana and isn’t speaking to her for the rest of this page and all of the next page.

One page later, they are making out in the elevator on the way up to his apartment. Looks like they’ve made up.

Turn page. Turn page.

Mr. Grey’s cook, Mrs. Jones, made a very tasty chicken pot pie.

Turn page. Turn page.

Ana wanders into the playroom and stumbles upon a bunch of sex devices that she’s never seen before and has no idea what they are for. Glad I’m not the only one.

Mr. Grey finds her in the play room. He identifies each object and explains what they are for.

Butt plugs, anal beads, genital clamps – Oh My!

Turn page. Turn page.

Clothespins? Seriously?

Yuck! I use those to hang my son’s cloth diapers. I’ll never look at them the same again.

Turn page. Turn page.

Ana finds a spreader bar with wrist and ankle restraints.

Turn page. Turn page.

They take the bar and go back to Mr. Grey’s bedroom.

Turn page. Turn page.

Ana’s restrained by the spreader bar.

Turn page.

More foreplay. Turn page.

They’re still engaged in foreplay.

Get on with it will you! I have to feed my kid!

Turn page. Turn page.

They have sex – FINALLY

Mr. Grey removes the restraints.

Turn page.

They fall asleep.

Chapter 17

Dancing in the sheets starts off the day for these two kinky rabbits. I typically start off my day with Folgers – but whatever.

Mrs. Jones fixes them breakfast.

Turn page. Turn page.

Ana goes to work unsure of what will happen when she arrives.

Turn page. Turn page.

Ana is promoted into Jack’s position. Mr. Grey doesn’t have anything to do with this.

Turn page. Turn page.

Ana uses her Blackberry to email Mr. Grey. It’s about time!

Turn page. Turn page.

Ana and Mr. Grey take a long drive and they spend most of it with Mr. Grey criticizing her driving. Oh goody! He sounds just like my ex-husband.

Chapter 18

They arrive at a large home that is for sale. I see where this is going. Ana’s still a little clueless. Mr. Grey fills in the blanks for her. Basically, he wants to buy this home for the two of them to live in. That revelation takes Ana by surprise.

Later, they celebrate with a bottle of Cristal and oysters. I really don’t think either of them needed the extra dose of aphrodisiac.

Then they have fish for dinner.

Turn page. Turn page.

They go back to Mr. Grey’s place and talk in depth about politics and overdue library book fees.

Just kidding!

They have sex.

The next morning Ana is rummaging through his closet when she stumbles on a bunch of dirty photos of likely ex-submissives.

During work the next day she uses her Blackberry to send more emails. Kate calls her to tell her she’s back home. It’s about time. She’s been gone since the end of Book 1 – well over 338 pages.

Jose meets Ana at work and they go out for drinks. Ana attempts several times to reach Mr. Grey on his cell phone to invite him to join them. But he doesn’t respond. She’s concerned but not panicked.

Kate arrives. They chit chat. Then Elliott (Mr. Grey’s brother and Kate’s boyfriend) calls Kate. Kate passes the phone to Ana. Elliott tells her that Mr. Grey left that morning, helicopter bound, and now he and his helicopter are missing.

Now she’s panicked.

Chapter 19

Eight hours later, Ana is at Mr. Grey’s apartment, staring into space and hardly noticing the room filled with his entire family, Jose, and Kate. The television is broadcasting a news bulletin about Mr. Grey’s disappearance. A search party was out looking for him but was called off because it got dark out.

Suspense! Suspense!

Turn page. Turn page.

Mr. Grey walks into his apartment and is surprised to see everyone there.

Guess what? Everyone there is just as equally surprised to see him.

Turn page. Turn page.

He couldn’t call anyone because his cell phone is dead.

Turn page. Turn page.

Mr. Grey asks Mrs. Jones to bring him a beer.

Any day now it would be really nice to find out what happened.

Turn page. Turn page.

Mr. Grey tells everyone what happened and it only took 5….sorry….8 pages to get here.

Mr. Grey and a colleague took his helicopter to Vancouver for business. His colleague had never seen Mount Saint Helen’s before. On the way home they took a detour to see the volcano. At some point in time they were flying low to the ground when the instrument panel went ape shit crazy and that’s when he noticed the tail was on fire. He made an emergency landing and put out the fire.

It took them four hours to get to the nearest road. There was no cell reception, both cell phones died and they had to hitch a ride with a trucker in order to get home.

Turn page. Turn page.

Everyone, except for Jose, goes home. Jose turns in for the night. Since it’s now officially after midnight, this makes it Mr. Grey’s birthday. Ana gives him his birthday gift. It’s an LED key chain that displays the word “Yes on it”.

Chapter 20

Ana has agreed to marry Mr. Grey

Turn page. Turn page.

They take a shower.

Turn page. Turn page.

More foreplay.

Turn page. Turn page.

They have sex.

Turn page. Turn page.

Jose leaves the next morning.

Turn page.

Ana gives Mr. Grey his other birthday gift – a box containing an eye mask, nipple clamps (OUCH), a butt plug (Awkward), his iPod, a silver tie and the keys to his playroom.
Here’s my question. What’s the iPod for? I hope it’s for music but with this book series, any thing’s possible.

Chapter 21

They go into the playroom. Huge sigh of relief – the iPod is indeed used for music.

The foreplay begins.

Her “…nightdress skims and ripples softly down [ her] body…”

Why oh why do all these fictional characters have perfect bodies? Just once I’d like to read:

See – that’s how you know I’m a fat girl. I’ve just incorporated a candy bar into a sex scene.

Turn page. Turn page.

Mr. Grey switches out the butt plug and nipple clamps with less painful versions. Such a gentleman!

Turn page. Turn page.

More foreplay. More sex.

Later the next day Mr. Grey asks Ana’s dad for her hand in marriage.

During lunch Ana inquires about the dirty photos she found. Mr. Grey is alarmed that they were in the closet. They were supposed to be in his safe. Then he remembers that Leila had the combination to the safe and she must have removed them and placed them in his closet.

Why would he give the combination to his safe to a submissive?

Then he tells Ana that the dirty pictures were insurance. He intended to use them only if a submissive tried to expose him. Classy!

Turn page. Turn page.

They are on their way to Mr. Grey’s family home for his birthday celebration. They barely arrive at the event when Kate confronts both of them about an email she found that documented the terms of the sex contract.

Chapter 22

Kate is upset and concerned that Ana would agree to any such thing. They tell Kate that they are getting married.

Now everything is okay and Kate is apologizing to them.

At the party, in front of all his family and friends, Mr. Grey announces his engagement to Ana. Everyone is happy. Everyone, except Mrs. Robinson.

Mrs. Robinson confronts Ana about the engagement, telling her that she’ll never make him happy. Mr. Grey stumbles into the room in the middle of the argument. He and Mrs. Robinson have it out! Unfortunately Mr. Grey’s adoptive mother walks into the argument and overhears the part about his sexual relationship with Mrs. Robinson.

She tells Mrs. Robinson to leave the house and never come back. Then she asks Ana to leave the room for a moment so that she and Mr. Grey can have a little chat.

Turn page. Turn page.

Mr. Grey finds Ana later and tells her that his personal and business relationship with Mrs. Robinson are now officially over.

After the party Mr. Grey tells Ana he bought the house they looked at. Then they take a walk out to the boat house which has been decorated with flowers and Christmas lights. Mr. Grey drops to one knee and proposes with a ring.

The chapter ends with Mr. Hyde’s thoughts. He’s upset that Mr. Grey didn’t die in the helicopter crash. He’s even more upset that his attempt to sabotage the helicopter failed. But he has a plan for Mr. Grey and Ana.