10 Things I've Stopped Saying Now That I Have a Kid...

Are any of you watching the new show Up All Night? I’m obsessed with it. I knew I’d love it when I saw the first episode and Will Arnett and Christina Applegate were like “She’s so f*cking beautiful”… about their baby!

Much like Will and Christina’s characters, I can curse with the best of them when I’m not around my daughter. But when we’re together, you’d think I was the spawn of Mother Teresa. My daughter is the queen of repeating things so I’ve trained myself to watch everything I say around her. No cursing, no disparaging remarks about myself or other people, the list goes on. It’s hard, of course, but it’s important to me that she doesn’t going around shooting off at the mouth. Here’s what you’ll never catch me saying in front of my kid:

1. I look fat in this. Overall, I’m pretty happy with my post-baby body, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my days. But because my daughter loves watching me get dressed and do my makeup in the morning, I never let on when I’m having a fat day or a bad hair. I feel like if she sees me taking pride and feeling good about myself, she’ll feel the same about herself.

2. I hate this. Or that. Or him/her. I basically refrain from using the word hate around my daughter. She’s only 3 and in my mind that’s too young for her start saying she hates anything. It’s such a strong word, so unless she really means–which she probably doesn’t at this point–I don’t want her saying it.

3. I don’t care. I know this was one our list of 10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Kid, but it also belongs here. There’s just something so dismissive about this phrase that makes me uncomfortable with my daughter using it. It’s one thing for her to act like she doesn’t care–which most 3-year-olds do for everything that isn’t Dora the Explorer–but that doesn’t mean she should say it.

4. All of the 4 letter words including hell, plus the “b” word. Some people think little kids cursing is cute–I’m looking at you Tori Spelling–but I am not one of them.

5. Liar and/or lie. This is old school and I really have no idea why I think of liar as a bad word. But growing up my parents would scold me if I said liar. Instead they told me I should say so and so didn’t tell the truth or so and so is telling a story. Even though I don’t technically think liar or lie is a bad word, I still prefer my daughter not to say the words and therefore I don’t say them around her.

6. That’s ugly. Or he/she is ugly. I’ve mentioned before that ugly is a “not nice” word in our home, so I’m a stickler about this one. It also happens to be the hardest word for me to replace. I can be… opinionated about certain things, but weird has become my go-to replacement for ugly.

7. I can’t or I quit or I’m done. There’s a line from an episode of Dora that perfect sums this one up: “Never give up!” I tell my daughter she should never give up or stop trying, so I have to hold myself to the same standard.

8. Get outta here! Blame this one on my very Southern grandmother–she says this quite often and has passed it on to me. Fast forward to my little girl was telling me a story to which I respond, “What? Get outta here!” And then she starts crying–because she literally thought I was telling her to leave the room. Needless to say, it’s a harmless phrase that my daughter is too young to understand so I don’t really say it anymore.

9. That sucks. I don’t really know the origins of this phrase, but, call me perverse, it makes me think of something I definitely don’t want my toddler referencing. I know she won’t understand that part of it, but even still it’s a no-no.

10. Are you drunk? Yeah, I had to learn this one the hard way. One day my daughter was walking like a crazy person, bumping into walls so without thinking I said “Are you drunk or something?” For days later, she couldn’t stop doing the same silly walk saying, “Look mommy, I’m drunk.” Yikes!

Is there anything you won’t say in front of your kids? Share in the comments.

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