It's all a ruse! Kirkman insists when we speak last week. Really! Despite all the success and fandom and Twitter followers, she swears she's as lost as the rest of us.

And yet from divorcing to dating to clearing her name of a wrongful hepatitis C diagnosis, it's clear that Kirkman has some wisdom to impart.

LIFE LESSON #1: IT'S OKAY TO CHANGE COURSE

Although she had at first pitched it as an advice book, Kirkman soon realized she wasn't very interested in writing one. "I thought [the book] would have that attitude of like, 'I figured it out, and here's how you can be like me,'" Kirkman says. "And halfway through writing it, I was like, 'No, I have nothing figured out, and it's fine.'" Better than fine, it seems.

LIFE LESSON #2: TRUST YOURSELF

Tempted though she may have been to run a copy of the manuscript by a million friends, Kirkman decided to resist the urge to get too many extra opinions. "At a certain point, I just had to be a big girl and decide that, yes, I think this is good," Kirkman says. "I have an editor. I know what I think. What's the point of running it by a bunch of people?"

LIFE LESSON #3: ...BUT NOT ALL THE TIME

"I've learned that my instincts are a little bit off," Kirkman says, laughing. "Like when I met my husband, we didn't have that spark. I just thought he was a really nice, good guy. We didn't have a lot in common, but I was like who cares, you know? It's fine."

You have to know your wiring, she continues. Which means understanding when it would probably be a good idea to second guess your intuition.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

LIFE LESSON #4: YOU WILL BE OKAY ON YOUR OWN

"You're not going to die if you don't get laid," Kirkman says, speaking (she assures me) from experience. "I've had a good time in the last 20 years, so now it's really time to focus on myself. That's not selfish. That's better for everyone."

LIFE LESSON #5: YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE SOMEONE ELSE'S CHEERLEADER

Whatever tolerance Kirkman once had for "wishy-washy" men has evaporated. "I cannot tolerate people with big plans [who] never do anything," she fumes. Life is too short to spend your time encouraging other people to live up to their full potential.

The anecdotes were depressing, but the sense of engagement and mutual care was remarkable. "It was just an organic thing," she says. "Honestly, I just loved it and I think I'll keep doing it, because why not? I've always been kind of a loud-mouth feminist."

LIFE LESSON #7: PUT THE MEN TO WORK

"Men have to do more," Kirkman says. It's not enough, she stresses, for them to teach their daughters to be fierce and independent.

"It's about teaching their sons to be, you know—to not to be assholes."

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
ELLE participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.