Help! I Have Too Many Neggs!

Easter has come and gone. The Negg Faerie, however, is still lurking like the stench of a spoiled negg, smashed bitterly against your window. Every day you go about your business in Neopia, trying hard to toil away industriously, but every day she seems to insist on hunting you down and giving you more Neggs. “Thank you,” you always say, teeth gritted, and try to think of a new hiding place for tomorrow. She won't find you lurking in the bank toilets, surely?

But in any case, you now have enough Neggs to buy the neggiest negg of them all – not that you want it, because Neggs are so lame. Like your pets would want to eat anything that smiles at them (excluding Chocolate Chias, Hazelnut Techo Truffles, Xweetok Cream Puffs...). Your cupboards are overflowing with negg-like items, your pets keep tripping over them and you came this close to breaking your leg when you slipped on one the other day. Surely soon those Neggs will be the death of you. Yet there is no escape – for we are haunted by the festival of Neggs.

I know many of you have your head in your hands, weeping tears of helpless rage. You thought you'd endured the worst already. You survived the month of Celebrating, where heaps of items were forcefully crammed into your innocent safety deposit box. But here you are, again stuck with mountains of valuable items. Your bank manager is calling you to ask if you'd like a better bank account, since you're so much wealthier. People in shops have started treating you with respect as you totter around, struggling to carry all your shiny new Neggs. You got a promotion when you begged your colleagues to take away your free stuff. And it stinks.

Help is at hand. Here are some suggestions on how to rid yourself of all your Neggs and negg related items.

1. The Money Tree

Make those Neggs someone else's problem. Dump them on the tree and run. Some poor fellow will end up with a Festival Negg when they'd really been hoping for another bottle of sand for their collection, but you shouldn't let that dwell on your conscious. It's a Gelert eat Gelert world out there.

2. Cook them in the Giant Omelette

The omelette might spread a little further around hungry Neopets with your offering of chocolate Neggs and neggnog. Sure, it might create some new flavours, and maybe those flavours will be even grosser than a Wiggling Grub Surprise or might even start a pandemic of Neggitus, but as long as you don't go back for a while, you probably won't suffer for it. Do it at night so no-one knows it was you.

3. Dump them in Meridell

Start a new trend of negg rolling to replace cheeserolling. Fyora knows that Meridell needs something new in that place and some shattered Neggs at the bottom of the hill might give the place a bit more colour.

4. Chuck them at Coltzan's Shrine

Remember that time Coltzan ignored your plea for help? How that jerk has never, not once, given you a million neopoints? Or if he did, he never did it again? Even though everyone has heard he can do it? What load of dung! Stick it to him by hurling all your Coltzan Neggs at his stupid shrine of stupidity.

5. Throw them in Kiko Lake

Actually, scratch that. Polluting is wrong. Very wrong. I can't believe I suggested such a thing. Plus, they have glass bottomed boats, so you'd get caught right away. Better make it Maraqua.

6. Give them to the Snowager

Did you hear? Someone stole a load of priceless artefacts from the Snowager recently! They snuck in whilst he was sound asleep and raided his home. I know, I know, it's absolutely shocking. Who would do such a terrible thing? Give a little back to the community by adding to the Snowager's meagre hoard.

7. Force feed them to the Esophagor

It's hungry, right? And Neggs are food. So it totally can't complain if you throw Neggs in its mouth. Make it more fun by turning it into a game – how many Neggs can you get in its mouth in a row?

8. Put them in the Cooking Pot

Easy. Put them in, stir it up, see what comes out. However, this is pretty risky. There's a chance that you'll just wind up with more Neggs and then you're back to square one.

9. Stir them into the Soup Kitchen's soup

So you've stocked up on Neggitus Injections and you've decided that the Giant Omelette isn't spreading the disease fast enough. Speed up the process a little by dumping the Neggs into the soup here and it'll spread through Neopia faster than you can say Ultimate Riches! Again, this is a little risky – you'd be giving the disease to poor Neopians who probably can't afford the highly inflated price of your injections. To be safe, put Neggs in the Giant Jelly, too, and maybe try to sneak some chopped up Neggs into Kelp and the Golden Dubloon. If you succeed in that, you're sure to be rolling in mountains of Neopoints soon!

10. Donate them to the Happiness Faerie's Totally Innocent Fund for Making the World a Happier Place

Dr Sl- I mean, the Happiness Faerie has very nicely asked that I ask you all to donate your Neggs to him. The Neggs will be sold to raise money for a Laser of Ultimate Happiness and No Death at All and new uniforms for his Army of Ultra Joy. Can you think of a better cause for your rotten Neggs? Forget about all the reasons I listed above. They're rubbish. And stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. Please, please give all your Neggs to the Happiness Faerie! I have so much still to live for! I don't want to be the first victim of his Lovely Machine for Tickling Toesies!