Why can’t girls ask guys out? The three major reason why…

The first time I stumbled upon this question was on the youthfully obnoxious website, girlaskguys.com or what I call GAG for short. That particular post is here, What’s wrong with girls asking guys out? If you care to read this incredibly adolescent post go ahead… or I can tell you what I learned from it. (Ironically I might be doing video posts for them, go figure…)

The majority of guys answering this question encouraged most women to, “Just go for it! Ask him out!” I was probably one of the only guys out of 20 that said, “Of course he wants you to ask him out! Its so he doesn’t have to do any work!”

In the last post, Should a girl ask a guy out? 13 answers there was a bit of a split. Some women said they were totally comfortable asking a guy out. Other women said that they were tired of taking on this role because it set the bar for the rest of the relationship. I agree with the later, although I do believe they still were asking men out but in a very subversive way.

What sucks about asking a guy out:

Problem #1 He might go out with you even if he is not that into you.

If a guy asks you out and you are not that into him, you will probably say no. HOWEVER, if a girl asks a guy out and he is not that into her he might still say YES…! (WTF??? WHY??)

Why? Because for a man (not all) sex is the priority, not relationship. This means that if you ask a man out he might say yes simply because he sees some free ass he can tap! He may not be rationally thinking, “Shit she is nasty but what the hell…” well, actually he might be but I would like to give guys the benefit of the doubt.

Problem #2 It is a weak position for a woman to take

Being the one to ask him out immediately makes you weak, but you say,” If he asks me out doesn’t that put him in the same position?” Sometimes, but usually NO, instinctually the guy knows that it is his job to ask you out and he has far less to lose doing so. All guys know deep down that the girl asking him out is not playing the female role and only a REALLY interested girl would do this. You just showed him your poker hand and you will surely lose the game.

Problem #3 This is the guys job!

Many of you say something like, “I guess I am just old fashioned, I like guys to ask me out.” So what does this mean? Is “the modern” woman going to evolve to the point of getting drunk and sexually harassing some guy at a bar? “No, stop! Don’t touch me there!” I can’t imagine this is coming but I can dream…

The reason this is the guys job is because it is necessary for him to show his sincerity and true interest by running the risk of rejection. This is not the girl’s job and as long as guys stay sexually driven (not relationship) this will remain.

I know the three points here kind over overlapped but if you take any message home it is this:

A guy might say yes to a girl asking them out for the opportunity to have sex with her, and possibly NOTHING more.

The next post I will contradict myself, since it is totally possible to ask a guy out as long as it is done in the right way!

Comments

Hey Mike,
Thanks for the post—I hate myself for doing this, but I have to agree with you on this one. I’ve asked guys out, and each time, even though it might have scored me a few dates, the “relationships” ended quickly and abruptly. If a guy is interested, he will let you know. If you go chasing him, it shows a bit of desperation. (I sound like an ad for the 1950’s.) I’m all for equality when it comes to dating, but unfortunately it’s still a game to some extent. So, do things to make yourself look more approachable, but don’t do the approaching.
.-= Kelly Seal´s last blog ..“The Rules” revisited? Please say it isn’t so… =-.

Ha, no it just frustrates me that when it comes to dating, we still have old-fashioned mentalities. It should be that girls can ask guys out no problem, but it doesn’t work. Anyway, thanks for the post.
.-= Kelly Seal´s last blog ..“The Rules” revisited? Please say it isn’t so… =-.

Mike, I hate asking guys out. However, the last three times I’ve been asked out 1) parent of a student I teach, 2) guy who I did say yes to, but who then snorted cocaine (sorry I don’t know all the drug lingo) on the public transportation while sitting next to me at the end of the night, 3) a blind guy at applebee’s who kept insisting I was SO beautiful even though my back was to him. I guess I have a beautiful back. I get asked out out losers, so I like to be in control and do the asking out. But you have an interesting point.

Lynn, your problem is very simple
You are not advertising, that is why losers are asking you out. If you don’t advertise well know one will come forward!
So did you go out with any of these guys? Blow the guy doing blow?

I have a question for you! If you’ve been emailing a dude online for awhile and he hasn’t asked you out yet, is there a good way to give a nudge indicating i’m interested in meeting up? I don’t want to ignore his emails and blow him off, but i’m losing interest b/c he hasn’t asked me to meet in person. Ideas?

what do you think of asking out a guy you’ve been emailing online? we’ve been emailing for a couple of weeks and he hasn’t suggested meeting. i don’t want to blow him off, i enjoy his emails, but i’m not looking for a pen pal so i’m not sure how to move things forward without directly asking him out. any ideas?

Love the site! A little harsh but it’s good to know. Here’s
a lesson learned:

A guy at a local store who I thought was intersted
(because we shared some good laughs and pleasant conversations)
suddenly got transferred. So I did the silly thing of
tracking him down, calling the store and having him call me back.
He texted back. Asked me for ‘coffee sometime’. But then I think I sent
too many texts and ended up confusing him. He said so.
His last text was “i’ve just been busy”.

And so, it seems like he retracted his offer for ‘coffee’.
It’s been a week, haven’t text him back. Can they do that?
Why?

I really liked him. Rather that men say, “I’m not intersted”
rather than say, “I’m busy”. Why can’t men just do that?
Women can take rejection.

Everyone is afraid, girls, guys, my cat!
He did tell you he wasn’t interested, why do you need to hear him say it “clearly”?

If you want to get him back, no texting/contact for two weeks. Then send him a quiet text like, “Sorry I haven’t text you in a while… family trouble.” Something like that. Make it as if it were your problem, not his.

He will most likely respond. However I would still read my book on texting which really kicks ass!

Hey, idk if you’ll be able to help me out at this point but I would love the help. I met a guy a few years ago and at the time I had a boyfriend and I had known his girlfriend for years. Well I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and then during this past summer he broke up with his. (Note-that when he was with her he’d stay up until 5 a.m talking to me on aim/facebook) so he started texting me everyday in the morning until night. Then he came home and asked me to come over, and I did. It went well and at the end of the night around like 3 a.m I left and he asked me to text him when I got home, but while I was driving home he texted me saying “I had a great time, you’re really easy to talk to” and then things were well and he said hed try to make time for us to hang again bc hed be home until tuesday. But he never did, although continued texting me and stopped the day he left back for college. I’m so confused on what’s going on in his head…he even texted me on day to tell me he’s been busy…help? Haha

I have to tell you to grow up and stop writing about “relationships”
this dating thing is really juvinile and you don’t need to do it. Instead of pursuing girls i suggest you find other more stimulating things.

LADIES, DON’T BE STUPID. THIS ARTICLE IS COMPLETELY MORONIC AND PROBABLY WRITTEN BY SOME GAYLORD THAT HAS NO SAY IN THIS.

IF YOU WANT A QUALITY GUY, YOU NEED TO ASK HIM OUT. OTHERWISE YOU WILL KEEP ENDING UP WITH SOME BOTTOMFEEDING PIECE OF SHIT THAT WILL END UP BEING A ROYAL WASTE OF TIME. DON’T LET YOURSELF FIGURE IT OUT WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR FIFTIES.

GROW SOME OVARIES AND GET WITH THE TIMES. YOU MAKE MORE MONEY THAN US NOW AND YOU HAVE MAN UP (WO”MAN”).

Shut up faggot…
Just checked your IP and big fucking surprise. OF COURSE you are from fucking OXNARD the asshole of California. Your type embarrasses the male race because you a too worthless to get a decent job so you blame others for your stupidity.
So get back on your shitty bicycle, peddle to your blue collar job and fantasise about women NOT asking you out because you are such a fucking loser.
Oh! and I totally forgot to mention! How did you find my post? Were you possibly looking for ways to ask women out??? Coward… too afraid to ask a woman out so you scream at women to ask you out. Wow… what a little bitch you are.

I don’t know you Mike, but after reading the comments, two of which were by the guys you were talking about in your post. That is, grs, who is obviously the guy who has only one thing on his mind and wants the women to show him the “easy route” to getting laid without having to be serious, and GAY LITTLE BITCH, who has issues asking his interest out and is obviously raging in the comments section instead of growing a pair of his own. Having said that, you take an open minded approach to the issue. Which, after reading way to many of these articles for a college essay, I have to say is fairly close to the true parameters of what a woman would find if asking a guy out. For example, I have friends who, if asked out by a women, would definitely go home and message me saying something like ” bro, you are not going to believe this slut-bag(sorry ladies) that asked me out, I am for sure gonna hit that”. So when it comes down to it ladies, make sure he isn’t a player if your considering asking him out, unless of course you are looking for that late night booty call.

That’s just stupid, I wish more girls would take the initiative, I would not mind and for your reasons:

Problem #1 He might go out with you even if he is not that into you.
She can still say no to sex, besides most men have a hard time reading your hidden signals, if she is interested why not ask them, is it still the 1950s?

Problem #2 It is a weak position for a woman to take
So you are saying it is bad if women take their natural role of the weaker sex, and thereby neglect their natural biological feminine ways, do you really think this is good?

And “…instinctually the guy knows that it is his job to ask you out…”, that is not instinct, that is social conditioning of the 21 century, can’t we get past those stupid social rules and just show honest interest if it is their? Please girls, if you like a man ask him out, sure he will be surprised, but any decent single guy won’t turn you down.

Problem #3 This is the guys job!

Again, social conditioning at it’s finest, as long as the women is gentle, submissive and feminine in her approach, she can seduce her chosen target. No need to wait for your dream-guy ladies, just use your charm and draw him in.

And please if you notice that the guy is not getting your indirect approach, don’t bitch about him with your girlfriends. He might not enough get your clues be more direct, in a submissive way. But wait for marriage to have sex.