Resisting the norm: running away

I recently uprooted and moved on from a chapter of my life with the intention of grounding mySelf and creating a plan for where my journey is headed.

That human egotistical grasp on control slinks its dirty fingers over my wild heart and I already feel short of breath.

According to my values, the situation I've manifested tells of perfect alignment: working for a local business I support and surrounded by an abundance of life-giving food, living at home to reconnect with my family after a year away, taking some time out to reflect and be fairly introverted to read and write and listen.

The gap?

My soul isn’t in a state of seduction by my scenario. Living this ‘normal’ existence doesn’t make me feel radiant. For me, sleep ins aren’t sexy and I am finding it hard to wake up smiling.

I want more. My mind scatters over the fear of stability. As a seeker there is a balance to practice, that we understand how it feels to run away in the sense of leaving or arriving. That we are consciously choosing presence rather than escape. Growth and exploration rather than turning away from the pain and distracting it with a more exciting option.

Feed the fire in your belly that knows there is more to life than what you are told, challenge those questions for yourself, but know when to stay. Know when to hold on, to listen, to pray, to keep going. Even when it’s hard.

I’m still exploring my answers. I’m releasing the control and discovering my inner guidance system again after its light was dimmed. Right now, I am here, and I want to meet myself in the solitude of the sunsets. I will realize the true desires and actualize them when I can, but for now, stillness is required. I am where I am supposed to be. We all are.

Ground those bare feet in to the earth you are given now. Give your gratitude to the four walls that keep you warm and find your adventure within. Stay strong in the pursuit to peace.