A pickup truck went off the side of a bridge yesterday, killing two. the occupants of the cab were able to roll down the windows and swim to safety, but the two men in the back couldn't get the tailgate down in time.Permalink

A man needs some legal advice, so he goes to see a well known, but crooked lawyer. He asks, "How much do you charge?" The lawyer replies, "$1000 for three questions". The man says, "Isn't that a lot?", the lawyer replies, "Yes it is. What's your third question?"Permalink

A neutron walks in to a bar to get a drink, then asks the bartender: "How much is it?" The bartender answers: "For you, no charge."

Werner Heisenberg and Erwin schroedinger are out driving in Heisenberg's new car. A policeman stops them and asks Heisenberg: "do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg answers: "No, but i knew where i was until you stopped me." The policeman, puzzled by this answer decides to take a closer look at the car and looks in the trunk. He then looks up and says: "Hey! Do you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?" Schroedinger answers: "Well, NOW we do!"

Seen on the toilet of a German university: Werner Heisenberg COULD have been here!

Sorry if any of these have been posted before, i just saw the thread and wanted to contribute :-)Permalink

I went to a church Christmas party and they nearly ran out of apple cider, I was only able to get a fraction of it. A friend thought that I got little, but at least I saw the cup as half full. Permalink