The "Only In Florida" Police Blotter - Living Proof That Hell Is Other People

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If you looked closely at other states in the country, there is no shortage of bizarre/dumbass crimes outside of Florida.

It's just easier for news outlets to go with another piece of low hanging "only in Florida" fruit than to point out the same types of stuff happening in every other state. Same goes for close elections/recounts, with the tossed out undervotes and the rest of it.

Which isn't to say a lot of fucked up shit doesn't happen here in Florida.

CLEARWATER, Fla. (FOX 13) - Three syringes were found in a Pinellas County man’s rectum, which he claimed didn’t belong him, deputies said.

A warrant was out for 40-year-old Wesley Dasher Scott on a drug charge, and deputies took him into custody on January 4 around 4:30 a.m. During his strip search, deputies with the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office said he removed three syringes from his rectum and handed it to them.

Scott said he found them, and they weren’t his, deputies said.

Additional drug charges were added during his arrest.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Simple math: Possession is how many tenths the law?

My advice to all criminals with syringes up their ass: never say those are not mine. Because there will be an investigation...

If you looked closely at other states in the country, there is no shortage of bizarre/dumbass crimes outside of Florida.

It's just easier for news outlets to go with another piece of low hanging "only in Florida" fruit than to point out the same types of stuff happening in every other state. Same goes for close elections/recounts, with the tossed out undervotes and the rest of it.

Which isn't to say a lot of fucked up shit doesn't happen here in Florida.

It comes with a great deal of affection, I've spent far more time in Florida than anywhere else in the US. Not just the Orlando parks either, Gulf coast, the Keys, Tampa, Miami, all over basically apart from the north.

Man, that kid must have been half a fag to have to run and tell Mommy and Daddy about tapping that...PLUS she got him weed on top of it?! Although I think the parents caught onto it, rather than the kid just offering up the info, but still.

Where were all these hot teachers who liked to party with and fuck their students when I was in middle school. All my teachers were ugly bitches or old hags.

McDonald's employee fights back after Florida man attacks her over plastic straw
A plastic straw ban in St. Petersburg, meant to increase sustainability, apparently caused a patron to attack a McDonald's employee.

A viral video shows that a McDonald's worker fought back against an enraged customer who attacked her over a plastic straw.

The man, who the St. Petersburg Florida Police Department identified as Daniel Taylor, attacked employee Yasmine James on Monday, grabbing her shirt and trying to pull her over the register.

Brenda Biandudi, the mother of the man who posted the video, which has amassed more than 3.5 million views, told NBC affiliate WFLA that the fight began when Taylor complained there were no straws at the store’s drink station.

According to Biandudi, James explained that a new law mandated that the store remove straws from the lobby, but that straws still could be requested. This was a result of a St. Petersburg ordinance passed last month that mandated “plastic straws can be given only upon customer request”— an effort to increase the city’s sustainability.

A hangry Florida woman “became enraged” and threatened to kill her parents when they refused to take her to Outback Steakhouse, police said.

Deana Seltzer, 28, started punching her mother Lydumila Seltzer on the chest and arms last week after being told she couldn’t go to the Australian-themed eatery known for its fried onion blossom, the local ABC affiliate reported.

Seltzer, 28, “began screaming and flipped over a large heavy glass table top,” breaking it into “hundreds of pieces,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

She continued her rampage through the house, flipping over recliner chairs and tearing up other pieces of furniture.

Seltzer then allegedly ripped a 12-inch decorative knife from the wall and ran towards her dad, Vadim Seltzer, making “slashing” motions with the weapon and screeching: “I’m going to f—ing kill you” as she chased him.

Eventually, her father was able to wrestle the knife away and called the cops.

Seltzer was charged with simple domestic battery, battery of a person 65 or older and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

A Palm Beach County judge ordered her to undergo a mental health assessment and she was released on supervised recognizance.

Florida police run over couple lying in the road to watch lunar eclipse

Both individuals were taken to the hospital and treated for non-life-threatening injuries

Clark Mindock

A police officer in Florida ran over two people lying on a dark road to watch the lunar eclipse, leading them requring hospital treatment.

The West Palm Beach Police Department has confirmed the officer ran over the two people, who were taken to the hospital and treated for non-life-threatening injuries after the incident on Sunday night.

Police said that the individuals, who have not been identified, were hit around 11.30pm, just at the height of the eclipse.

The officer was strolling a park at the time, and driving at about 5mph when he struck the two.

One of the individuals was a man, and the other a woman. Both were 24-years-old and lived nearby, according to police.