Transformation | My Spiritual Journey and Awakening

I completely forgot how amazing I feel after some vinyasa. I took my first yoga class in years, today and all I want to do is go back for more. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to go to The Om Center and today I finally bit the bullet. I woke up on time (thats a small victory), got in my little, grey Prius, and sat all the way in the back of the room – the less people to see me wobble around, the better!

But there’s a deeper reason to why I finally came back to yoga. This past year and months have been an amazing, exhausting journey of transformation – spiritual awakening and self-understanding. It began last year in my beautiful New Haven apartment. I was feeling lost, depressed and angry (all the time) and it was exhausting. Lashing out at my loved ones and ignoring phone calls and texts for days. I became an emotional eater and couldn’t go a day without a glass of wine to calm my nerves. I was wrapped up in my head and fear was running the game.

One day, while driving to work, like usual, I was in my head and leading with fear. Just like a lightbulb going off atop your head, it all finally clicked and I understood and my journey to self-understanding began. Luckily, I had a good friend at work who was so grounded and center in her being, and I felt comfortable speaking with her. Day after day she would enlightenment me on how to get out of my head and ultimately out of my own way. Reminding me that I’m not this story that I’ve been playing over and over again. She suggested that I start meditating and at first I laughed and shrugged it off but my curiosity kept lurking. So I tried it. And got nothing. I couldn’t keep my mind quiet… couldn’t be still. But she said that that was okay. She said to keep a journal near and while meditating, every time my mind drifts, to write down where my thoughts were taking me. This way, when I’m done, I can reflect on this list and start working on the things holding space in my mind.

She gave me a book by Gabrielle Bernstein, called The Universe Has Your Back, in the fall and I’m finally just getting to it. I was having a bad day and was sick and tired of being out of control of my life so I went to the park with my blanket, headphones and this book. The first chapter alone was so transformative! Every single word jumped off the page and reminded me that I am not the story I’ve created for myself. Bernstein made me aware that this image of my world was created, but multiple people and societies and I have the power to change that world.

I put the book down after chapter one, found a meditation playlist online, closed my eyes and tried to meditate. Focused on my breath and it was amazing. In that moment, I understood and I became obsessed. Never before in my life did I feel so at peace. I went back home and nothing could touch me. Nothing could take me off of this cloud of peace and enlightenment that I was one.

So I began googling. I needed to learn everything that I could about meditating and what tools I could get my hands on to help me keep this feeling. After a few hours of searching I stumbled upon an article about crystals from Mother Earth and how they hold metaphysical properties that can assist in meditation and connecting to that energy. And another lightbulb came to me. I used to collect rocks, crystals and gemstones as a kid! It’s funny how the universe works on you, even from when you’re little. So I started hunting and found them laying peacefully right in front of me, in the centerpiece, on my living room table – a rose quartz crystal, a snowflake obsidian, a smoky quartz crystal with specs of tourmaline, a tiger eye stone, and many agates.

Now I’m close to committing to a daily ritual of setting intentions and meditation. My journey has led to to High Vibe Livin and kundalini yoga and I’ve gone back to Vinyasa. I’m feeling amazing and I’m excited to continue on this journey, what ever and where ever it may take me. My north node is in Aquarius and it tells me my soul’s purpose is meant for some kind of spiritual work and I’m digging it. Maybe I’ll become a yoga or kundalini instructor or own a shop filled with metaphysical wonders. All I know is that I want people to be able to feel the way I did in the park, every single day.

TranslucentBrown has been in a state of transformation as well (re-branding if you will). It’s been months since I’ve last posted and that’s because, as I’ve wandered through my journey of self, I haven’t been able to genuinely write content. I was changing and I wanted my content to change as well. Since starting this holistic lifestyle and slowly adjusting and learning, I’ve decided to take this blog in that direction, as well!

Hang out with me because I’m going to continue to document this journey and all the things I learn and I want you along with me. Make sure you subscribe for more updates! All you have to do is enter you’re email down below!

1 Comment

This post was great and right in time for me. I’ve been having smalk bouts of anxiety and “leading with fear” lately. I’ve been trying g to get spiritually grounded and this post listed some of the things I’ve read about but didn’t really consider until now. Any links to mediation you can share?