This is a big weekend for movies, we’re getting into the summer fudge fest of films when every weekend is the most awesome weekend and one movie is clearly meant to make more money than all the rest. This weekend everyone was hanging their hats on Superman, but we’ll see how that pans out.

So the world almost ended and you’ve found yourself in a landscape with no semblance of law or civilization and mutants, desperate criminals and the ruins of cities all around you. It’s a shitty world, yo. Better make the most of it by picking these careers which are likely to be favorites in our new world!

Playstation 4 and Xbox One are on the way and the question no one is asking is who gives a shit? Games have pretty much gone downhill since Atari 2600. Today’s games may have cool graphics and storylines and extended gameplay and all this stuff, but compare that shit to Pacman and what do you have? No time to answer! On to awesome Atari games!

It's summer time and that means you should probably hit some water slides with me. Before we arrange that though, the good people at Corona asked me if I wanted to run a contest for you lot to help kick off their Corona Summer promotion because this is Holy Taco and we support summery, beer-filled goodness around here

The San Diego Fatty Fat Fat Festival kicked off last week with the introduction of a new manner of gut-obliterating fried food – the Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe. See, fairs like to keep introducing newer and grosser foods in an ever increasing gamble to see if they can make normal folks grosser than carny folk.

Last week After Earth farted onto screens that no one watched, ensuring that Fast 6 stayed on top of the heap pulling in a ton of cash that could have been used to buy food for the homeless. Ha ha ha! Anyway, on with this week.

I met a dude named Mortimer recently and I have no idea what he does or what he said to me because I got lost in his name. Mortimer. Morty. How is it someone who isn’t retired has that name in 2013? His parents must have hated him the moment they met him.

Not too long ago, sad old timer Jerry Lewis reiterated his distaste for female comedians, stating how unfunny they are, or something very much like that. It doesn’t matter because he’s irrelevant to the modern world and, truth be told, he was not a particularly good performer in his heyday anyway. Dean Martin carried that act. Everything Lewis did on his own was poison and don’t you deny it.

Quinoa is a South America grain that has a long, boring history as do most grains if you ever find yourself hard up for reading material – the history of grains is sure to put you right to sleep. It’s become something of a popular food item in the last decade or so because who knows why? But how do you prepare the weird stuff? Follow this handy guide and you’ll be up to your nuts in quinoa in no time.

After Earth opened this weekend as failed Blockbuster since it seems to be universally reviled. Luckily for me I was able to go see it (not my choice) and now I have firsthand knowledge of why no one liked it – because it sucked.