Saturday, April 11, 2009

Day 559 - Costco Rant

Before we had kids, Lisa and I would shop at Costco about once a month. I would buy a few books and movies; Lisa would buy gigantic boxes of tampons and maxipads. We had so many tampon applicators laying around the house, I started to pour fruit punch into them and make popsicles during the summer.

But as I have mentioned in previous entries, Costco has become a weekly adventure. It's almost like going to Disneyland: you're fighting crowds, you spend more money that you planned, and you accidentally leave with someone else's child (If anyone is missing a German speaking child named Badegisel, please give me a call.).

This past weekend, I had to go to Costco by myself. Although I knew exactly where to go and what to buy, I had difficulty getting to my destinations because of those cursed free sample stands. I can't STAND those free sample stands. I love free stuff as much as the next person, but not when it creates a sixteen cart pile up on aisle 275 (Seriously...Costco is that big.).

My cart was full of our weekly essentials: diapers, wipes, produce, and a big ass box of tampons. I just had to get to the back of the warehouse to grab a bag of ciabatta bread. But I could not get to the bread because the entire aisle was blocked with cart after cart of people waiting for a free sample. It looked like a community college version of "Oliver" except the orphans were played by a group of middle aged professionals in their casual Saturday outfit of J. Crew polos and dark shorts that only highlighted their pasty white legs.

My mind was imagining what they could be giving out. A roll of that lush Kirkland brand toilet paper? A six pack of coffins? A two gallon sample of Visine? As my cart wobbled by the free sample cart, my mouth dropped open with shock at what they were giving out: yogurt. WHAT THE F(*@? People were crowding around for a sample of yogurt? It wasn't even fancy yogurt! It was fu#&ing Yoplait! And the sample were in these teeny tiny cups like this...

(actual size)

I know this blog entry doesn't really have anything to do with Emma and Andrew, but on behalf of all parents of multiple children who must trek to their local Costco to stock up on diapers, wipes, and industrial sized boxes of tampons, please be courteous when you grab your free sample. Don't park your cart in the middle of the aisle or eat your sample in an inconvenient location. Just make an orderly line, take your sample, and leave. And if you're idiotic enough to create a scene over a spoon of yogurt, I will find you and force feed you popsicles that may or may not be made with fruit punch.