How 'bout you Jimmie, you an oak man?

07/24/2011

A Friendship Bargain.

If you have guy friends, i.e. friends who are guys but who are not "boyfriends," you really need to understand a few things.

Having to repeat yourself is not a sign that we don't like you-- it's a sign that we weren't listening.

After all, we don't have to think your cat is cute-- you're not sleeping with us.

We don't have to care about your Aunt Sally or Uncle Chuck or Nephew Tommy-- you're not bumping uglies with us.

We don't need to know what shoes you're buying, or how long it took you to find the perfect pair of flip-flops-- you're not going down on us.

We don't want to hear you talk about your troubles with your boyfriend-- we're not your boyfriend, and our advice is rightly limited to "Then why don't you break up already?" or "Try sleeping with him, that usually solves the problem-- his problem, at least."

These stories don't get better with age. Stop repeating yourself. We ignored you the first time.

I am *not* saying these things to be cruel. That men-- ALL MEN-- believe these things to be self-evident does not mean we don't like you, or that you don't serve some purpose in our lives (i.e., you smell prettier than our guy friends, or better yet, you have hot friends we want to sleep with).

It's just that I-- and ALL MEN-- everywhere are a little tired of constantly being tested by our female friends. We men all have plenty of things worth remembering in our own lives, things we must keep track of-- the car keys, the sports scores, the intercontinental ballistic missile launch codes. This means we don't have the time, the inclination, nor even the capability to concern ourselves with every mundane detail of the feminine experience.

ESPECIALLY if we're not getting a blowjob out of the deal. Hell, this should all be frickin' obvious, ladies.

None of this is personal, and it's not meant to offend. But unless there's nookie involved, you get the identical level of attention guys give to their guy friends. Which should tell you all that you need to know.