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Critical Mass to kiss Smolka’s Ass (goodbye)

Hey don’t forget to sign the buddymap and let me know where your at…————————————————————–Well tomorrow is the last NYC critical mass before the parade rules take effect. To recap, this was the latest strategy for the police to clamp down on our consitutional rights to assemble and further enhance their powers to stop the pesky critical mass bike ride. While we were sleeping, the NYPD decided to change the definitions of a parade to include bike rides of 50 people or more…hmmm….this couldn’t have anything to do with critical mass, could it? Don’t forget that the NYPD is not the legislative body of the city…and decided to do this without city council approval. They did hold a public forum the Monday after Thanksgiving day weekend during work hours…how nice of them to accept civic input on THEIR decision while we were all out of town and trying to work just to afford to live in Bloomberg’s rich paradise of unaffordability.

The kingpin behind all this was Bruce Smolka, assistant police chief of activities in Manhattan below 59th Street, where all the freeloading, Saddam loving, Bush hating anarchists hang out and ride their bikes in a group because they hate our freedom and just want to sit idle in traffic all day, impeeding our Freedom to shop and make money for big corporations.

Bruce, however is retiring from the NYPD, obviously exhausted from beating up on females, journalists and legal observers. He’s going to be head of Security for Revlon, where all those freedom hating ecco terrorists plot revenge and attack the make-up company for killing bunny rabbits so Halley Berry’s eyelashes don’t get all infected. After all Smolka has lots of expericence with protestors…like the ones who ride in critical mass. You can never be too careful, when a bunch of people want to ride their bikes together in a group…Yikes! We don’t want the terrorists to win! We need to stop our freedoms or we might end up like some sort of democratic country, like Amsterdam with all that extended life-spans and bullshit clean air and health citizenry…P-UKE!

For a quick refresher course on what kind of a cop Smolka is watch this video from I-winess video’s blog. Its a nice piece on how Smolka likes to knee a woman in the face while she is clearly handcuffed and surrounded by cops. They also have good info on how the police use surveillance on us, illegally.

Tomorrow is the February Critical Mass and we are celebrating by saying good riddens to Bruce with a retirement party…I hear he is being given gifts.

Here is what is going down:

If you haven’t been to Critical Mass in while, you should definately come out for tomorrow night’s ride because you can participate without riding a bike (no tickets) and because your favorite radical marching band, the Rude Mechanical Orchestra, will be performing. Please forward:

If you think its too cold to ride a bike on Friday’s Critical Mass, you’re not alone. You can join in the festivities as we celebrate the retirement of police cheif Bruce Smolka, the kind soul who started the crack down on those bicycle terrorists. If it wasn’t for him, thousands of cyclists would be able to ride their bikes every month in peace and fun.

This friday join activists from all across NYC, as we say good-bye to our beloved friend Chief Bruce Smolka. You may remember him as the man who set up the crime unit responsible for killing Amadou Diallo. After that, he was promoted to police chief and responsible for the illegal detention of thousands of demonstrators at the 2004 Republican National Convention. Has announced his retirement and plans to start working as a private security guard for Revlon.

Even if you don’t have a bike, you should still come out and say good bye to Smolka. You can join us on foot with the Rude Mechanical Orchestra, as we present Smolka with a present from all of us. Wear your Smolka Polka T-shirts.

It’s the final Critical Mass ride before the new parade permitting rules go into affect. Come out and enjoy your last chance to peaceably assemble!

PS. Start the celebration early! Possible Breakfast on the Bridge Friday morning if the weather isn’t too bad. Brooklyn side of the Manhattan Bridge 8am-10am.

So please come to Union Square at 7:00pm for a peacefull assembly, we are not ————————–After the ride, come out and ride your a bike in one place…stationary. It’s goldsprints. Indoor bike racing.

If you are in the NYC area:

GOLDSPRINTS NYC is on!!!

We’re moving to EAST RIVER BAR (the place where MonsterTrack ended…)97 S 6th St (Bedford/Berry)

Party starts at 9p, racing shortly thereafter.

If you raced and did well over the last couple weeks, you should definitely be there tomorrow to throw down…

GET SUM Prizes!!GET SUM GLORY!!!GET SUM Booze!!!and if you lucky, just GET SUM!!

I empathize will all the bullshit nyc cyclists have had to put up with – I’m a Seattle native now out in the Midwest, and like most cyclists, I’ve seen my share of shit from drivers who think they own the thoroughfares. But the crazy bicycle opression from the cops out your way is next level.

Best of luck with the ride – is it gonna keep goin on in Brooklyn?

BTW, a bit of a plug, but I posted a poem about cycling in NYC on my blog, thought you might enjoy it ~