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The Daily Dumb 6-30-2010

Insane limbo skills, star wars killer death machines as loving pets, the mofuckin’ dad life BEEEEEYATCH! and much much more.

Gallery o lazy.Insane limbo.If you’re going to do something dumb, have proper footing.This guy’s being just a wee bit dramatic.Ouchie ouchie ouchie.Star Wars killer death machines…. as loving pets.If this is true, it’s totally awesome.Biden’s not going to let Obama get to do all the public shit talking fun.It’s mofuckin’ dad life beeeeeeeeeeeyatch.The known universe.The 7 most WTF origins of iconic pop culture franchises.Al-Qaeda calls off attack on nation’s capitol to spare life of “twilight” author.Nostalgia Critic: Captain Planet…. fuck I hated that show. SCHOOL — 1958 vs. 2008 Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 1958 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack. 2008 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school. 1958 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 2008 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students. 1958 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2008 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability. Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 1958 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2008 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist. Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes a couple of aspirin he brought to school. 1958 – Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2008 – Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. Scenario: Pedro fails high school English. 1958 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college. 2008 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English. Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed. 1958 – Ants die. 2008- ATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary puts bandage on knee and gives Johnny a hug. 1958 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2008 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy..