Want you Battlefield 3 experience a little more realistic? JOIN AN ARMY. Not that realistic? Check out this Battlefield 3 simulator system -- the realest you can get without bleeding and using your dying breath to tell a comrade you used to put on your girlfriend's panties and masturbate whenever she left for work. What? People say weird shit when they're dying!

So, how's it all work? The gun peripheral is your mouse, or right thumbstick. The treadmills are your WASD keys, or left thumbstick, replicating your actual feet's movements in the game. The wrap-around screen gives you an almost virtual reality-like environment to play in, and the paintball guns, well, they're there to actually shoot you when you've been shot in the game.

Not gonna lie, I kind of like laying on the couch with a beer on my stomach. Sure this is impressive, I'm just -- what's the word I'm looking for? "Lazy as f***." YES. Plus fat. They kind of go hand in hand. Like me and my babysitter whenever she takes me to the zoo. Can't have me trying to climb into the tiger pit again!