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Morgan Harper Nichols, founder of Quite Women Co and Quite Magazine is the the author of this post. This is the original 40 questions, originally posted November 2012.

As women, sometimes we have the tendency to let our emotions do the talking when it comes to making decisions in our lives. This is especially common when we began new relationships. As a result of this, many of us end up in relationships where we wish we had done things differently, or we wish known more in the beginning.

However, sometimes we’re just so happy to be with this guy that we’re afraid to dig too deep or start asking too many questions for fear that we might mess things up or scare him away before things even get started.

But we have to do that. By dating someone, you’re agreeing that you could possibly end up being committed to this person through marriage and maybe even have an offspring with them.

Because of this, we have to stir things up and ask some questions. And if you happen to scare him away by asking him questions, then he isn’t worth having a relationship with you!

Below are some questions you can ask yourself before you change that Facebook status to In A Relationship. These questions aren’t anything revolutionary and it’s also possible that there could be some teeny little grey areas, but more than likely, these are questions that you can work your way through before you decide to be in a committed relationship:

Have you ever heard him talk about his parents? If so, is he respectful?

Would he rather TALK to you than text?

Is he respectful toward you around his friends?

Would you be okay with him spending time with your dad (or the fatherly figure in your life) when you aren’t around?

Would you be okay allowing him to see when your makeup/hair is not done?

Does he have a father/mentor whom he seeks to model himself after?

Does he give you more non-physical compliments than physical compliments?

Does he have a job to support himself?

Does he handle his money well?

Do you have the same beliefs when it comes what matters to you most?

Has he met your parents?

Have you talked about short term goals?

Do your short term goals align?

Have you talked about long term goals?

Do your long term goals align?

Does he stop when you say “stop?”

Does he respect your body?

Have you had dialogue about what you believe and why?

Do you know anything about his past relationships?

Do he know anything about your past relationships?

Is his number one, two, and three reasons for being attracted to you non-physical?

Are your number one, two, and three reasons for being attracted to him non-physical?

Do the people you trust the most approve of him?

Do the people he trust the most approve of you?

Is he involved in his local church, or charity, missions, or has a desire to help others?

Has he ever offered to help with a project or something you were working on or stressed about?

Does he try his best to stay clear of dangerous activities (texting/drinking and driving, speeding, other illegal activities)?

Is he willing to admit when he is wrong?

Is he a person of integrity (not willing to cheat, steal, or lie even if no one is looking)?

Is he sensitive towards people with disabilities, people who are elderly, etc.?

Do you have the same beliefs when it comes to children?

Do you feel comfortable when he’s around the people you are closest to?

Does he show an interest in the things you are interested in?

Have you ever seen him help someone?

Do you feel safe around him?

Do you feel that he would protect you in a time of need?

Do you feel that he will stand up for you?

Do you feel good about standing up for him?

Do you see him as someone you could spend the rest of your life (and maybe even have children) with?

Does he love God more than he loves anyone else?

If your answer is yes to most of these questions, then it sounds like you may have a good thing going.

If your answer was no more than a couple of times, you should really talk to this guy and maybe just spend some more time as friends and get to know each other!

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and while most people can agree with that, many still live under the impression that you get married when you’re done having all the fun, or simply tired of sleeping around, and finally found someone you think you can put up with for a while.

My husband and I got married at 20 years old. We’re now 25 and have been married for just almost 5 years. I’ve lost track of the number of times people have responded to us being married young by saying. “Why? you’re so young!” as though to imply that marriage is not for our age group.

If you’re afraid of getting married young because you think you’re missing out on something, I’m here to tell you, you’re not. My husband is truly my best friend and in our marriage, we’ve done so many things from living in different states to leaving our day jobs to go work in the music business, and even though it has been far from easy, we’ve gotten closer to each other and closer to God. I think a lot of times people fear that young people just aren’t “ready” for marriage. I do think there is a certain level of maturity that comes with making the decision to get married however, you will never reach a point in life where you are completely “ready” for everything that will happen when you get married. The only the thing that’s going to prepare you for that is trusting that everything happens for a reason (Romans 8:28) God has a plan for it all (Jeremiah 29:11).

Marriage is apart of life just like anything else. We can’t spend all of our times stressing out about tomorrow where we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. We just have to know that trusting in God is apart of that tomorrow..whether we’re married or not.

I got married young because I loved Patrick, and he loved me, and we knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. There’s no age restriction on that. Don’t let others discourage you into thinking that marriage is not for you because you are young! Of course, if you don’t get married young there is nothing wrong with that and there are some people who wait, but the reason why I wrote this is to inspire others to see that if you desire marriage at a young age, getting married at 20 or 22 isn’t unrealistic. Age does not exactly always equate maturity, or even experience!

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Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. – Mt. 5:16 (NIV)

These are Jesus’ words when preaching to a captivated crowd during the Sermon on the Mount. It’s a reminder that the difference He makes in our hearts and in our lives isn’t just for us, but for those around us, too. Whether the people you’re around are followers of Christ or not, they should be able to see the transformation taking place in your life because of Jesus. It should help them understand that:

1. Change is a good thing.So often times people use the phrase “you’ve changed” negatively. However, in Christ, change is not negative at all but life altering in the best way. Following Jesus isn’t about looking better than others, but about shining brighter so that others can see just how life changing it is when you make the point to follow Him. So when it comes to the things that God has delivered you from, don’t be ashamed to share that part of your story. Share with your friends the story of how God healed your broken heart. Tell your little sister the story of how you learned to know what you were in Christ. Your transformation is a powerful tool that can truly bless those around you.

2. Change is something they too can experience.When you begin to shine your light, others will take note. They will notice that you’re different and they will want to experience what you have as well. But keep in mind that this doesn’t always mean that they’re going to walk up to you and say, “wow, I really admire your life…how can I be like you?” Sometimes, they might disagree, or maybe they won’t understand at first. They may question what you do, not because they doubt you, but because they’re trying to learn what it means to let Jesus into their hearts themselves. Sometimes, they might not say anything at all. But don’t let that stop you from shining your light! You are called to be an example even when others say”you’ve changed” and even when they question you, keep on being a light and let God be the one who transforms them!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. – James 1:2-4

1. Don’t let it break you. It doesn’t matter if you just went through a bad breakup or you’re unsuccessfully searching for a new job–whatever it is–don’t let it break you. And you know what’s amazing? When you consider it pure joy, it cannot break you. You’re only maturing in your faith and getting so much stronger than you were yesterday.

2. When faced with difficult things, I know it may seem like you’re being emptied out day by day, becoming more and more exhausted and less and less motivated to move on, but know that God is doing a mighty work in your life and in this process, through Him, you are lacking nothing. It doesn’t matter who abandoned you. It doesn’t matter what situation just fell through, even when you’ve been thrown the most challenging, heartbreaking battles of your life, consider it joy. Consider that no matter how bad it gets, God is going to bring you through this. You’re going to be able to tell a story you never thought you would tell. God is going to reveal so much to you that you never imagined you would see. Hold onto that! That’s what it means to consider it pure joy.

3.Dig into God’s word on a daily basis so that you can be reminded just how true this is for every single thing you’re going through, no matter how big or small. This is important because even though if we had it our way, we wouldn’t have to deal with trials, we are still going to face them, but even those will make us stronger, because when we learn put out trust in God by continuing to be joyful no matter what comes, we mature in our faith, getting stronger and stronger. This is how you can become that woman that walks around with an unshakeable faith, no matter what gets thrown at her. No matter, consider it pure joy.