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Friday, December 24, 2010

The Opinuary Column

Posted by
mjs

The Opinion "No One Should Ask, No One Should Tell" has died after years of asking and telling (off the record, mind you). It will not be buried right away but will instead lie in state for a few months, or until enough time passes that gnarly, old men can be distracted by the neighbor's kids playing on their lawns. Born 17 years ago, the Opinion was a perfect fit for a nation that was already comfortable with living as many lies as it could think up. Eventually, after discharging thousands of soldiers for the sin of putting their naughty bits where Yahweh didn't want them to, the military softened its stance and withdrew from the battle. And then toweled off.

The family of the Opinion thinks flowers would be lovely. Remembrances may be made to the land where the clouds are far behind, where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops, that's where you can donate, because just over the rainbow there are armed forces practicing and employing their deadly trade. Straight, gay or a combination thereof, the Country of Record keeps the wars a coming...

(Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! If you're gay and in the military don't tell anyone yet--those in a position of authority might get a hard on for you!)

5 comments:

No one should should on their fellow personkind. If the game that needs hella dollars to inflict empire needs all patriots in spite of a propensity to do other naughty things with other naughty bits then we must as true non-sodomites preserve the sanctity of the nation over our non-propensities.

Even though the Opinion is dead, its spawn will live on in the form of "No Special Rights" and "Free Speech for Straights." If a bunch of proudly heterosexualist soldiers or sailors (but not airmen -- those flyboys are gay as all get-out) want to taunt a suspected homosexualist or lesbozonian and beat the crap out of them so they'll be like normal people, will the military discipline them for that? Will heterosexualists be kicked out of the heteroservices because somebody shat in some homosexualist's footlocker or smashed some of their teeth out with a rifle butt? What will THAT do for unit cohesion when five or six guys get disciplined because some weenie complains about youthful hijinks and/or injuries resulting in blood loss?

Speaking of blood, will homosexualist soldiers be allowed to donate their unclean bodily fluids? Can any soldier trust the ungheyness of a transfusion on the battlefield?

Oh, the questions, the questions! I have no doubt that ghey-hating patriotikkkal Amerikkkans will be screaming their opinions for years. DADT was a lost battle, but the war goes on forever.

I dunno. I think we as a nation are better off when we don't discriminate against the folk based upon things (including a foot fetish, ok Mr. Ryan?)over which they have no control, but I could be mistaken.

Mostly, I just wanted to wish The General and all the Fighting Keyboardists of the 101st Chairborne a Merry Christmas. Y'all were LIGHTS OUT in 2010, again.

The Mohametans describe teh gay as the taker, not the giver. Imagine the fear they would feel knowing that the soldiers they are fighting will do a deep dive into their cave of shame and turn them gay. It will forever turn them off their bearded women. Also, their false god Allah will hate them and not let them into paradise.

I believe the American homosexualist fighter is an integral part to victorious assymetrical warfare.