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Friday, May 2, 2008

FOD Virus Panics Obama Campaign

Fear of Democracy Syndrome (FODS) is creating a dangerous epidemic which threatens to overwhelm Democrats often causing people to go blind, deaf and dumb. Panic stricken Democrats, wishing to avert the disease, have often moved to Pennsylvania where a certain “bitterness” in the DNA, combined with a firm grip on guns and bibles, has managed so far to thwart the spread of FODS.

In other states, deshabilles white liberal Obama supporters in Birkenstock sandals have been observed desperately seeking Brie in some neighborhoods, however. Police departments in major cities have noted an unusual number of illegally parked Volvos at residences where “Superdelegates” are said to reside. Joe Andrew was the latest guilt-ridden liberal to switch his support from Hillary to Obama after being the victim of repeated “wedgies” from DNC chairman Howard Dean.

Joe Andrew couldn’t man up to a courtesy phone call to Hillary Clinton before switching his superdelegate vote, but he did manage to suck up to Keith Olbermann of the Obama Channel.Andrew told Olbermann he was first afflicted with the FOD virus while pressed between a sandwich board at an Obama campaign rally. Andrew noted on the show that “being pressed between an Obama sandwich board was not nearly as bad as being pressed between Representative James Clyburn and Chris Matthews at a cheese and wine party at the Pelosi mansion in San Franciso. Andrews told Olbermann how the dreaded FODS disease later spread to his liver and brain and, with Dean’s savage wedgie attacks fresh in his mind, he succumbed.

Howard Dean, a doctor, reports there is no known cure for FODS. He feels that voter quarantine is the best remedy right now to limit the damage sustained by the Donkey Party. Dean had several months ago ordered a quarantine of two states, Michigan and Florida, and is willing to sacrifice voters there for the “greater good.” Dean says that democracy doesn’t really need all of the states in the union voting; he feels that a democracy equivalent may be constructed from the opinions of key Obama supporters who long ago climbed out on a limb and the thousands-strong members of a suicide cult who have vowed to drown themselves in the sea around Cape Cod if the eighteen cent per gallon gasoline tax is even temporarily suspended.