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Boardies, the standard choice of the newbie. Your first time sliding into the rubber and you're fully kitted in your beach boardies and your shiny new rash vest. No need for a towel. You slip straight in, zip up and are immediately aware that you've become victim to a terrible wedgie and a rash vest which now fits like your sister's tube top. Ready to dive into your session you have no choice but to man up and deal with two hours of irritation and discomfort.

Comfort 3/10

Unless you take your precious time to apply your wetsuit carefully, you'll spend the session with boardies pulling at your arse.

Convenience 3/10

Well, it's great if you go to the beach wearing them before your surf, but otherwise what's the point? As well as putting your wetsuit on you've got to extend your changing time just to throw some bum grabbers on.

Public view 10/10

Yes it's better for the public to see you in boardies rather than in the flesh, but do you really care?

Boxers

Now you've moved on from the boardies. The wedgie was too much and one day you forgot to bring them along anyway. So fearing the worst you dive into your suit wearing only your boxers. But surprisingly the wedgie isn't quite as severe. It's easier to manoeuvre them away from the cracks.

And when surfing you hardly notice them. Every now and then the dreaded discomfort hits you but each time you manage to pull them away. You reach the end of the session and it's time to change. You slide out of the suit as a dripping half naked neanderthal. You peel away the drenched boxers and realise you forgot the back up. And have to regrettably go commando all the way home, not the best end to a surf but it could have been worse.

Comfort 5/10

Less effort than boardies but precious surfing time must be wasted to avoid the discomfort.

Convenience 10/10

If you're a regular human being you'll always be wearing your undies, so slip off those shorts and jump straight into your suit! Just remember that second pair of pants otherwise it's a breezy drive home.

Public view 5/10

So boxers, underwear etc are strangely frowned upon by most, even though it's OK to wear your best budgie smuggling speedos. So for public view it's worse than boardies. But you're still not naked.

Naked

So you know what's next. And no it's not because you've forgotten to wear boxers. You've become tired of peeling off those sea ridden boxers and you've heard the rumours of a pleasant alternative, the nude. You finally bring yourself to strip right down, awkwardly undressing while holding the towel that's the only thing stopping you flashing a passing pensioner.

Eventually you're in, the pure feeling of freeness overwhelms you. The difference is outstanding and you feel idiotic for not realising this phenomenon earlier. Rushing to the surf you sit upon your board in joy; exhilarated from the complete lack of discomfort. You spend the rest of the session in complete happiness and look forward to a life of naked freedom beneath the suit.

Comfort 10/10

Perfection, apart from nothing at all there's no better alternative.

Convenience 5/10

No need to bring anything extra. But unless you've got a robie changing can be a bit of hassle.

Public view 0/10

No matter how good you feel about yourself, no one wants to see you naked.

Comments

Admit it. We're a weird bunch.
Here are six of the creatures you'll find yourself mingling with in the line up.
(Illustrations by Andi Pratt. Check out more of his crazy work here and on Instagram.)
And all together:
So which one are you? Or are you a different beast entirely?
Let us know in the comments below.
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Surfers are sweet. Sometimes salty, but mostly sweet. And to prove it here are some surfing-themed Valentine's cards.
You can buy them from our Zazzle shop.
Or if you're skint, just copy and paste one of the images below onto your Valentine's Facebook page. If that doesn't do the trick, they clearly have no feelings.
Click on any image to view it in the shop.
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