sHeroes: “Cultivate gratitude, gratitude, and more gratitude; Nothing is more healing” With Writer and Speaker Esther Gonzalez Freeman

Cultivate gratitude, gratitude, and more gratitude. Nothing is more healing than recognizing all that you have been given and all that you must give. Writing in a gratitude journal helps me keep things in perspective. It enables me to see how far I have come on days when I’m out of sync. It also helps […]

Cultivate gratitude, gratitude, and more gratitude.
Nothing is more healing than recognizing all that you have been given
and all that you must give. Writing in a gratitude journal helps me keep
things in perspective. It enables me to see how far I have come on days
when I’m out of sync. It also helps me remember that my flow is in
serving others more than in being served.

For
my series on strong female leaders, I had the pleasure of interviewing
Esther Gonzalez Freeman, a Latina speaker, writer, and Board-Certified
life, career, and business coach. The founder of E Powered Media, LLC
(home to Empowered Campus and My Balanced Plate), Esther is passionate
about motivating, empowering, and guiding others to create fulfilling,
purposeful, and balanced lives. As a speaker, writer, and coach, Esther
is respected for her unflinching authenticity regarding her own
experiences and “tell-it-like-it-is” bluntness — all of which is
delivered with warmth, humor, and empathy.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

My
parents worked long, hard hours in factory settings. Their examples
taught me the value of hard work and consistency. Today my dad is in his
seventies and he is still working twelve-hour shifts — not because he
must, but because he loves his work. That work ethic is in my blood! But
no matter how hard of a day either of my parents had, regardless of
their exhaustion, they always made time to help others in need and to
serve the community: at church, in our neighborhood, and in the
community at large. I learned that it isn’t simply important to work
hard; it’s important to give back and serve.

I
carried these values with me when I went to college. I always knew that
no matter what career I pursued, I would work hard and find a way to
serve others. Initially, I thought I would become a lawyer or go into
politics, which is why I have a BA in Political Science! But God had
another plan. As a first-generation college student, I not only
struggled to finish college but after graduation, I struggled to try to
find my way. I ended up in a temporary position at a nonprofit, teaching
middle school kids life skills — mostly sex ed. I realized a few things
during those months almost seventeen years ago.

First,
I learned that there was power in my story. There I was in a
low-performing school across the street from my grandmother’s house,
working with kids just like me. They grew up in humble homes, with
hard-working parents, in a mostly Latino community. But somehow, I was
different. I always saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I knew deep in
my soul that I was not only going to make something of myself, but it
was going to be BIG! However, the kids in my class didn’t seem to have
that spark. That all changed after they heard my story. When they
realized that I too was Latina, went to their church and that my Abuela
lived in their neighborhood, they started to see the possibilities of
other options. This taught me the importance of not only sharing my
story but the importance of representation.

So,
as a very young professional, I realized that I had an opportunity to
make a difference in the world in my own unique way. Not only could I
use my story, experiences, and education to make an impact, but that
impact could affect an entire family and the community at large. I was
planting seeds of possibility. Little did I know then that what I was
doing was called mindset coaching. I also realized that if I could teach
sex education to middle schoolers, I could do anything!

This
experience opened a door into the world of higher education, and after
16+ years, I decided that I wanted to have a broader impact beyond the
walls of a specific institution. In fact, I wanted to influence
individuals and groups beyond the field of higher education. That’s why I
started my company. My mission is to serve on a larger scale, taking
what I have learned over the years and helping people and organizations
build upon their strengths. I saw that there were gaps I was uniquely
capable of filling.

What does it mean for you to live “on purpose”? Can you explain? How can one achieve that?

Living
“on purpose” takes work! For me it means living a mission-driven life;
one in which you recognize that you have the power to decide how you
respond to the circumstances around you. When you live on purpose, you
make conscious decisions based on your values and the legacy you want to
leave behind. It’s about the impact that you have every day.

I
think that a lot of us live on auto-pilot. We wake up and let the day
happen to us. We are reactive in the way we respond to the issues that
arise, and we often see ourselves as powerless to affect the
circumstances around us. I know, because this is how I lived for many
years. And thanks to depression and anxiety disorder, it’s something
that can become a daily battle for me — if I allow it.

I
have spent numerous years of my life blaming my circumstances for my
issues and failures. I struggled to get out of bed, and once I did, I
struggled to make it through the day. Then I felt guilty for wasting the
day and for feeling hopeless. There I was, a high-achieving
professional woman struggling to make it through a meeting. Some
meetings can be brutal, I know, but this was different.

I
saw myself as a fraud! I was spending hours a day coaching people and
helping them align their passions, strengths, and skills. I would
challenge their mindsets and see them grow leaps and bounds; all the
while, I was struggling to keep my own life together. I felt like I was
merely existing, not living — and certainly not growing.

During
this time, I was working with a therapist, but I didn’t feel like I was
getting any better until I had an “aha!” moment: I was expecting the
therapist to do all the work, and I was not taking responsibility for my
role in my own life. Instead of recognizing the power I had over my own
reality, I was busy looking for the answers to my problems outside of
myself. Don’t get me wrong; my depression, anxiety, and past experiences
were real — but they weren’t my only roadblock.

You
know those moments in movies where the protagonist has a moment of
clarity? They swipe everything off the desk onto the floor and suddenly
become transformed. Think Elle Woods in Legally Blonde.
That didn’t happen for me! Living on purpose is a slow and sometimes
painful process. Notice that I am using present tense? This is ongoing!

Every
day I must make multiple conscious decisions to live on purpose, from
the moment I open my eyes to the moment I close them at the end of the
day. It isn’t as simple as the movies make it out to be. Yes, I had to
make the choice to be mindful and decide that things needed to change,
but that was part 1a of the process. The rest is made up of small
decisions; the ones I make every day, hour, and minute.

Living
purposefully can be overwhelming, and for someone like me with an
anxiety disorder, it can feel impossible. The key word is FEEL. Notice I
didn’t say it was impossible? You need to find what works for you, but I do have a few suggestions to help you get started.

If you are struggling with a mental health issue, please seek the help of a licensed professional.
I have several calls a week from people seeking a coach, but upon
talking to them, I recognize that what they need is a therapist. Don’t
get me wrong; I have clients who are also in therapy, but I have made it
very clear to them that I am a board-certified coach, NOT a mental
health professional. It is vital that you have the right type of help
for your needs.

Seek clarity.
I, like most of my clients, lacked clarity for a large portion of my
life. I wasn’t moving in the right direction because I didn’t know where
to go! I thought I was struggling with motivation but what I really
needed was direction. Today, most of my work is centered around helping
people find clarity of purpose. It’s much easier to develop a strategy
and implement it if you know where you are going and why you want to go
there! This is also true for organizations that are struggling to live
on purpose.

Reach for the low-hanging fruit.
What I mean is that we often worry ourselves solely with the big
things, and in doing so, we miss out on the small wins. It might be as
simple as getting out of bed in the morning on time and making your bed
consistently for a week. Or you might celebrate that you are unplugging
after a certain time and being truly present in your life outside of
work. If you want to live life on purpose and you have been living on
auto-pilot, the small wins will help build your confidence and keep you
on track.

Bathe daily.
You can take this literally, but what I mean is that living on purpose
is not a once-and-done thing. It’s all about HABITS! I must remind
myself daily of my goals and dreams. I have a vision board as well as
reminders on my bathroom mirror, my cell phone screen, my laptop
wallpaper, etc. Keeping my mission at the forefront of my mind helps me
make those minute-by-minute decisions. I liken my reminders to the
bumpers on a bowling lane. When my circumstances change, and I want to
go back to my old way of thinking, they help keep me on track.

This is a team sport.
Make sure you have a solid support system and take advantage of your
resources. There are days when I am STRUGGLING, but I have a team to
lean on during those moments. My therapist, my minister, my family, an
accountability partner, my coach, my mentors…you get the picture. It is
not a sign of weakness to ask for help. No one is successful alone.

Cultivate gratitude, gratitude, and more gratitude.
Nothing is more healing than recognizing all that you have been given
and all that you must give. Writing in a gratitude journal helps me keep
things in perspective. It enables me to see how far I have come on days
when I’m out of sync. It also helps me remember that my flow is in
serving others more than in being served.

Do you have an example or story in your own life of how your pain helped to guide you to finding your life’s purpose?

As
I mentioned earlier, my parents taught me the importance of having a
strong work ethic, a solid education, and the importance of serving
others. They would tell me that although I may never have an inheritance
in the traditional sense, I would always have my education. I was a
high achiever and even earned a full scholarship to college. But as a
first-generation college student, I struggled. Like many
first-generation college students, I was focused on finding a career
that would allow me to help others while making me wealthy. I never
really gave thought to purpose or meaning until my life hit a wall.

It
didn’t take long before I went from being a high achiever to struggling
with basic tasks like getting out of bed or going to class. I felt like
I was fighting myself daily! What I didn’t recognize then was that I
wasn’t only overwhelmed by the transition to college; I was also
fighting severe depression and anxiety disorder. By the time I came to
that important realization, I had already received the dreaded “your
scholarship is officially revoked, and you are no longer welcome here”
letter. I, the overachiever, had flunked out of college.

Can
you imagine the conversation I had to have with my hard-working parents
— the parents who had worked insane hours in a factory for years so
that I could have a good education? Let’s just say that I got it both in
English and Spanish. Beyond my parents, I was so ashamed and
embarrassed that I didn’t tell a soul.

Today,
I find this amusing because I have shared my story with thousands of
teens and college students across the country, professionals,
entrepreneurs, and now your audience.

I
did go on to finish not only my BA in Political Science but also an MS
in Leadership. Thanks to a dear friend of my father’s who was a faculty
member at a local college, I was able to push forward and earn my
undergraduate diploma. I started doing the work to help me better manage
and understand my mental health issues, and I learned the importance of
leveraging my resources to overcome setbacks.

I
didn’t realize until much later that I was given a gift. Maybe you
didn’t flunk out of college or struggle with mental health issues, but I
am sure that you have had to deal with some sort of major setback on
some level in your life. And when it comes to pushing through and living
on purpose, the obstacle you face is bigger than just the setback
itself; it’s also the loss, frustration, shame, other negative feelings
you’re bombarded with. Because of my experiences in college, I learned
to fall with grace and get back up to fight another day.

Since
then I have encountered a steady stream of setbacks and failures in
several areas, but I have come out on the other side. I now have the
ability to help others who are struggling with similar pain learn
lessons from it, let go of the shame they attached to it, and move
forward as much stronger and resilient people. Failing big-time at such
an early age went from being a liability to one of my greatest assets.

The United States is currently rated at #18 in the World Happiness Report. Can you share a few reasons why you think the ranking is so low?

It
all comes back to what I discussed earlier about living life on
purpose. I believe that we are focused on the wrong things and have
developed a taste for unrealistic expectations. The wild part is that
most of these expectations aren’t even our own; they’re what we’ve been
fed by others! We seem to be living by such a narrow definition of
success that people are hurting themselves trying to achieve the
impossible, especially since the perfection we seek doesn’t exist.

We live in one of the best and wealthiest countries in the world, yet we are a country where most people:

…are unhappy with the work that they do.

…don’t find any meaning or fulfillment in their careers.

…are
attached to electronics from the moment they wake up. (Many
individuals’ most meaningful relationship is with their smartphone!)

…have no division between work and home.

…work even while on vacation (that’s if they even take a vacation).

…put major effort into keeping up Instagram-worthy appearances.

And
that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Then we wonder why we’re depressed
and anxious! This may sound overly dramatic, but is it really?

Working
with college students over the last almost-two decades, I have had the
opportunity to see what we have been teaching our youth to focus on. Our
culture’s narrow definition of success, the need for perfection, and
the desire to be admired through likes and shares have all led to some
troubling results. I have seen an increase in the number of teens and
young adults suffering from mental health issues, stress disorders,
sleep disorders, eating disorders, cutting, poor self-esteem, and
suicidal ideation.

When
I was an academic adviser I would have an initial meeting with my
advisees during orientation. During each conversation, like clockwork, I
would hear stories of what these students’ parents wanted them to study
or what their parents wanted them to participate in. They would
constantly talk about feeling lost or empty because they couldn’t figure
which thoughts were their own and which ones were given to them. The
amount of pressure that was being placed on these young people was
astronomical. They had no room for error because if they make a mistake,
it felt like a catastrophic event. The source of the pressure varied
based on the family’s education level or socioeconomic background, but
across the board, a crushing pressure remained nonetheless.

This isn’t just a problem facing college students. We all keep
living a life made up of “shoulds,” and then we take the same life
that’s making us miserable and place it upon our kids. As an educator, I
know that parents mean well. They want what they believe is best for
their kids. That’s the intention driving their high standards and
expectations. However, there is a distinct difference between intention
and impact. The impact well-meaning parents have on their children is
often the opposite of their initial intention! Instead of pushing our
kids higher and farther, we are simply feeding into a vicious cycle — a
cycle that can lead towards self-medication and self-destruction.

This
knowledge has greatly influenced not only how I choose to live my life
and run my business, but also how I parent. It’s becoming increasingly
more important that we do live life on purpose and
use our voices to show others that they can choose differently. They
don’t have to live life on anyone’s terms but their own. It’s freeing,
and that freedom allows us to live in a more joyful state.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

This
question excites me because I have never really thought about my life
in these terms! I try to use my success to bring goodness into the world
daily. I believe that we are called to pour into others and be a light
in the world. For a long time, I thought that I needed something outside
of myself to leave an impact on the world. I thought that I needed to
start the next big thing. But the reality is that we can all bring
goodness into our world every day at no cost, save the cost of time and
energy that we pour into others.

I
have had some amazing opportunities to use my story to bring light to
youth. I was honored to work with the “It Takes A Village” Project in
Alamance County, North Carolina. The program is housed at Elon
University and uses a collaborative approach to help children in the
community who are struggling to read. It was initially focused on
younger children up through middle school. Several years ago, I had the
opportunity to use my expertise in leadership development to create a
similar program for high school students who had aged out of the initial
program.

Many
of these students were struggling in school academically and
behaviorally. They also faced issues stemming from systemic poverty. We
would meet for six weeks a semester, two hours a week. Each week I would
teach a different lesson focused on Sean Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.
We had Odyssey Scholars from the university serve as near-peer mentors,
and they would share their own stories of overcoming challenges with
their mentees.

Over
time we noticed a distinct shift. Students were reporting fewer school
issues and suspensions. Many of the students stopped experiencing
behavioral issues altogether! Most of them are now thinking about or
have already started to attend college; something that seemed like a
foreign and impossible concept at the beginning of our work. My class
was made up of predominantly Latino kids. I was the first Latina teacher
they’d had, not to mention the first one they’d met who was a
college-educated professional. Talk about visibility mattering.

I
will never forget asking a student who had struggled in all areas for a
long time, “What do you think contributed to your turn-around?” He
said, “You were the first person to tell me I was worth something, and I
believed you. You showed me that it was okay to ask for help. If you
can do it, so can I!” My mind was blown! This young man waited 16 years
to hear that he was worth something.

We
are all fully equipped as we are in this moment to make a lasting
impact on at least one person. This young man will forever be a reminder
to me of that important truth.

What
are your 6 strategies to help you face your day with exuberance, “Joie
De Vivre” and a “ravenous thirst for life”? Can you please give a story
or example for each?

Keep it 100 percent authentic. I
cannot face the day with a “ravenous thirst for life” if I am not being
authentically me. I must be true to myself and walk in that truth. It
sounds easy, but how many of us wake up dreading the hours ahead because
we know we have to be someone we’re not to make it through the day? I’m
not talking about code-switching. I’m talking about being straight-up
fake to survive. I once worked in an organization that had a lot of
serious personnel issues. Everyone walked around in fear and no one did a
thing about it! Every day I woke up and had to mentally prepare myself
for a full day of charades. At the time it was the highest paycheck I’d
ever had, and when you owe money to Sallie Mae you don’t simply jump
ship! It took six months, therapy twice a week, and a cocktail of
medications before I finally decided that I was not going to give that
organization another second of my life. From that moment I was convicted
that I would never accept another position where I couldn’t be
authentically me. How can you face your day with exuberance if you’re
busy adjusting a mask?

Stay spiritually grounded. When
I start to feel depressed or down, one of the first things I do is
check my spiritual health. Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “We are not human beings
having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human
experience.” I believe that connection to something bigger than myself
has been a key to living life with exuberance. For me this includes
meditation, prayer, reading my bible, going to church, spending time in
nature (especially around water!), and service to others. (I want to
clarify that this isn’t a magic formula or the “right way” — I encourage
people to find what works for them.) In my darkest moments, my faith
has been the light to guide me through. Over ten years ago, I had to
make the difficult and painful decision to get a divorce. It was the
best thing for both of us, but that knowledge didn’t make the separation
any less painful. During that time, on the nights when I would cry
myself to sleep and wonder how I was going to make it financially or
whether I should go back to my home state of New Jersey, my faith
grounded me. Taking the time to meditate and pray gave me clarity, an
overwhelming sense of peace, and the knowledge that this difficult
situation was going to work out for the best. It’s hard to experience
joy when peace isn’t present.

Be a quitter. At
a recent event, Eric Thomas said, “You need to move from dreams to
legacy!” Dreams are surface-level extrinsic goals: the cars, the house,
the promotion. But legacy is a deeply entrenched sense of purpose; your
intrinsic motivation. Legacy is about others and not you! It’s about
what lives long after you are gone. Simon Sinek would call this your
“why.” If you don’t know your “why,” you probably feel like you are
constantly moving but never going anywhere. Your why is what pushes you
to do the improbable. It’s what helps you make the tough decisions —
decisions that can determine whether you move from chasing dreams to
building a legacy. To make this shift, I needed to become a world-class
quitter. Yes, you read that correctly. QUITTER. I needed to quit
competing with other people and start competing with myself. I had to
quit comparing myself to others and instead compare the me of today with
the me of yesterday. I began to ask, “Did I grow?” I quit apologizing
for my desires and goals. No one needs to buy into my vision but me! I
also quit worrying about what I can’t control (this one is a work in
progress!). Successful people who live with a thirst for life are
excellent quitters! They know that the key to living their best lives
and building their legacies is quitting the behaviors — and sometimes
people — -that may be keeping them from the success they desire. The
moment I realized that the only one keeping me from pursuing my calling
and living life with peace and joy was me, I quit doing that too!

Celebrate the success of others. This
is one of my favorite strategies for living my life with exuberance! On
the days when I wake up and feel like I want to simply go back to bed, I
phone a friend and ask them to tell me something good. I want to know
what success they are currently celebrating so that I can celebrate with
them! In my world, the success of my friends and those closest to me
might as well be my success. Heck, I celebrate the successes of people I
don’t even know! It inspires me and reminds me that there is more to
life than this present moment. Too often we operate with a scarcity
mindset, believing that when something good happens to another person,
there’s less success left for the rest of us. Nothing could be farther
from the truth! When you succeed, you’re in a better position to give me
a leg up, and in turn, I can pass an important lesson on to someone
else. See what I mean? It’s not always about me, and that’s an
inspiration!

Be present. I
can’t imagine facing the day in what Tony Robbins calls “peak state”
without mindfulness. Embracing the moment has helped me manage both my
anxiety and depression without medication for some time now. Breathing
exercises, meditation, and using an acupressure mat have been
instrumental in my mindfulness practice. Growing up, mindfulness wasn’t
something we really discussed in the Latino community. I wasn’t
introduced to mindfulness practices until about 12 years ago when I
started working with the best therapist I have ever had. (Love you
Carol!) She suggested that I start small with simple breathing exercises
before bed, and over time I added more. How could I live my best life
if I was constantly in a state of fight or flight? How could I have a
meaningful impact right now if I was obsessing over the past or worrying about the future?

Know you are enough. It’s
almost impossible to live with a true zest for life if you never feel
that you are enough. When I am feeling especially off my game, it’s
often due to feelings of inadequacy. I start backsliding into a place
where I feel like an imposter who has somehow made a wrong turn and
ended up in a place where I don’t belong or deserve to be. If I added up
the money I have spent over the years trying to find ways to be enough,
I am sure that it would knock my socks off! And for what? None of the
things I bought were necessary, because all I had to do was recognize
that I was — and always had been — enough as I am. Don’t get me wrong; I
am a strong believer in investing in myself, but there’s a caveat:
doing it because I love myself, not from a lack of
self-love. Every morning, I look in the mirror and remind myself that I
AM ENOUGH. There is something powerful and invigorating about looking
into your own eyes, the window to your soul, and reminding yourself of
who you really are and who you are meant to be.

Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that most inspired you to live with a thirst for life?

Maybe it’s because we’re getting close to the end of the year, but I have been on a decluttering kick. I loved The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. It’s hard to live an inspired life if you’re bogged down with clutter or if you are wasting time hunting for things!

I am obsessed with Audible! Some of the books I have recently listened to or have in my queue are:

Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

Kick-Ass with Mel Robbins by Mel Robbins

The Hollywood Commandments by DeVon Franklin

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

High-Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard

Start with Why by Simon Sinek

I also subscribe to several podcasts and catch up on them when I’m not listening to a book. Some of my favorites are:

The Secret to Success with CJ and Eric Thomas

Tiny Leaps, Big Changes with Gregg Clunis

Gratitude: UnFiltered with Joshua T. Berglan

Can
you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that relates to
having a Joie De Vivre? Can you share how that was relevant to you in
your life?

Progress over perfection.
For so long I was pursuing an impossible quest for perfection, and as a
result, I accomplished NOTHING. I was frozen. I took ZERO action
because whatever I was working on wasn’t perfect just yet. I needed
another certification. I needed another class. I needed another degree. I
needed more money. I needed. I needed. I needed. I was consuming
information on overload and I wasn’t executing a single thing!

I
was miserable because I was stuck. I failed to launch because I was
afraid of not being perfect. I wasn’t living because I couldn’t bring
myself to leave the safety of my comfort zone, which was basically a
bubble of inaction.

The
moment I shifted my mindset to embrace progress over perfection, my
procrastinating tendencies started to dissipate. I began taking small
steps and what I called “mini risks” towards my goals. The more I took,
the more confident I felt — and still feel. Crucially, it isn’t an
extrinsic confidence.

I don’t mean
that I am taking risks left and right. I still have my perfectionist
tendencies, but every day I remind myself that what truly matters is
that I am making progress. I remind myself that there is someone out
there who needs me to show up, even though I don’t have it all together
all the time.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

Yes!
I am in the process of scheduling a speaking tour of colleges for the
upcoming spring. I have worked on college campuses for years and have
spoken at events held at many educational institutions, but I have never
done an actual tour! I hope that I can be for someone the voice I
needed to hear when I was struggling in school. I look forward to
sharing my message of resilience and inspiring students to look for
opportunities to fail. Yes, you read that right. If students aren’t
failing, it means they aren’t trying new things. I want students to
embrace the lessons they learn from their experiences — good and bad
— because that’s how they will begin to identify the unrealistic
expectations that have been placed on them by other people, pinpoint
what they actually want for themselves, and live on purpose.

I
am also in the process of outlining my first book. To be honest, this
project terrifies me! Never in my wildest dreams did I believe that
writing a book could be a possibility. When English isn’t your first
language and you grow up feeling extra self-conscious over your writing,
a book doesn’t feel realistic. But I found a purpose much bigger and
much more powerful than fear! I hope that it inspires people to step
outside of their comfort zones and live authentic lives.

And
through all of this, my coaching business is continuing to grow. I am
looking forward to working with more budding entrepreneurs and
facilitating corporate professional development workshops.

You
are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that
would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what
would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I
look at my perfectly imperfect little girls and think about how deeply I
want them to succeed in life. I want them to dream big and go bigger. I
want them to look at themselves in the mirror and know that not only
are they AMAZING, but they have what it takes to overcome whatever they
encounter. I also want to protect them. And because I want to protect
them, I do the exact opposite of what every bone in my body wants to do.
I let them fail. I let them fall. I let them figure out problems on
their own. They know that my husband and I are here to support them and
guide them, but they also know that we want them to exercise what our
family calls their “resilience muscle.”

In
my work with teens, college students, and young professionals, I have
seen the negative impact of preventing our youth from exercising their
“resilience muscle.” They struggle to manage adversity. They freeze amid
struggle and are so afraid of failure that they’d rather quit than make
a mistake. That being the case, I would like to inspire a movement of
people who embrace failure and recognize that failure brings
opportunities for success. Resilience is about adapting to setbacks and
bouncing back instead of falling apart. It isn’t a destination, but like
a muscle, it needs to be constantly exercised.

Resilient
people take chances and have an insatiable thirst for life because they
know they can get back up again no matter what. The Mayo Clinic says
that “resilience can not only help protect us from mental health
conditions such as depression and anxiety, but it can also improve our
ability to cope with existing mental health conditions.”

As
I look back at my own life, I realize that my biggest successes came
out of my most devastating failures. But if I wasn’t resilient, I would
have been unable to recognize and embrace the lessons in the failures.
Without resilience, I would have berated myself mercilessly, told myself
how much I sucked and stopped moving toward my goals! Can you imagine a
friend coming to you because they experienced a setback and you telling
them that it’s all because they suck? Of course not! You’d tell them
how capable they are and encourage them to keep pushing forward. We all
need to be as kind to ourselves as we are to other people. If I had
viciously and unfairly criticized myself in those moments instead of
choosing kind self-talk, seeking support, and finding meaning in the
experience, I would not be living my life with such a sense of purpose
and joy.

Can
you imagine a world in which we can bounce back from setbacks, suffer
less stress, better cope with mental health issues, take ownership of
our experiences, and live life with more grace? A world where we don’t
have to use unhealthy coping mechanisms and are able to live more
meaningful and happy lives? I’m not talking about a perfect world;
simply a way of living in which we extend grace, compassion, and support
to ourselves as well as others. Sure, it’s a big goal, but I
wholeheartedly believe it’s an attainable one. And the key to reaching any goal, big or small, is to take it one step at a time.

So,
here’s my challenge to you: purposefully begin to exercise your
resilience muscle. The next time you experience a setback, pay attention
to your reaction. Do you feel like hiding, quitting, or staying in your
comfort zone? Is your first inclination to place blame — either on
yourself or an external source? What does your self-talk sound like?
Examine your reaction without judgment, then exercise your resilience
muscle. Find the lesson in your failure, extend the same kindness to
yourself that you would to a friend, and plan for moving forward. (I
know that’s easier said than done — but many of the tactics I’ve shared
throughout this interview should help!)

If
we can spark a resilience movement — in other words, increase each
person’s joy, strengthen their purpose, and sharpen their clarity — just
think about the avalanche of positivity our world would experience!

I am an entrepreneur, journalist, publicist and event producer based in Sunny Florida.

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