Ho-ho-harumph: A guide to surviving the season

This is a tale of how Burl Ives saved my seasonal sanity and how he — and maybe Gene Autry — might save yours.

You know by now we’re in the midst of the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Certainly the most sentimental. For more than a month, gauzy photos of families together and women getting diamonds from tender, loving men have peppered the media.

Christmas music is everywhere, in stores, all over radio, nearly unavoidable. The message is clear: Have a happy season or don’t bother participating in life.

You may not be surprised to know that all don’t share the holiday euphoria that demands shopping and decorating and gathering. It’s not their fault. Sometimes people are just sad, or lonely or strapped for cash. Sometimes they miss absent loved ones; sometimes they resent having to continually express an opinion about the sort of holidays they are experiencing.

“How was your Thanksgiving?” “What are your plans for the holidays?” Questions that sometimes people just don’t have the starch to answer. Tears come more easily.

Such feelings came to a head for me two weeks ago when my dearly beloved tried to jump-start our Yuleness with the suggestion that we listen to Christmas music as I engaged in an activity that itself was something of a Christmas miracle — preparing Sunday dinner.

First up, “Blue Christmas.” I swallowed hard, fighting off the bubbling up sad feelings. Next:
“O Holy Night” — maintain, maintain! Then: “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Images of the family holiday we weren’t having overcame me; suddenly, I couldn’t see what was browning in the pan. Enough!

But then it occurred to me: an antidote. Stay away from the wonderfully sloppy sentiment and go for the stuff you wouldn’t be caught dead listening to any other year. Horrid holiday tunes. Like “The 12 Days of Christmas.”

Not “The Christmas Song,” or anything Crosby, and especially not “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” which makes me weepy even when I feel terrific.

Also, no Hallmark-y movies on TV. The weepers, the heart-tuggers, the treacle: e.g. “The Town Without Christmas” or “Home for the Holidays” or anything starring a former member of “Charlie’s Angels” or “Melrose Place.” Avoid the Lifetime channel altogether as well as Andy Williams, George Bailey and even the Muppets.

Call it a coping strategy. Survival for the season. But there is another way. Start by watching the Grinch. See someone even crankier than you are. Appreciate how even his pea-sized heart was touched, how even he, a bitter, selfish creature, could find redemption in the season.

Then, do this: Something for someone else. A card or a flower to one who’s alone. Or a meal (accessofwestmichigan.org knows of families needing food. Food!)

And wait: You know how time flies? Soon enough, the cold winter will be all we have and everyone will join you in the wintry grumps.

But then where will we all be? With no memories of doing good, and no tinsel and glitter to urge us to do it no matter how we feel.