Thursday, May 30, 2013

Releasing The Floodgate

On the way in to work, I did my Divine Peace Healing. When it comes to the part about my immediate concerns (myself, my son, and one other) I generally am excited to do that healing. Today I didn't want to, not at all.

I was surprised at what came out. Healing for me. You see, this is the time the other's Higher Self and mine 'talk'. I felt anger that surprised me. Some was anger at this soul for 'talking me into reincarnating'. There is a lot of 'I hate it here!' type of horror over experiences lived in this lifetime, as well as others, that my soul needs to say to his. And it does! There is a lot of 'promise me it's finished, the horrors' I want to hear. And I discovered I hate certain life choices this other has made. There is a tattoo that means very much to him, like an oath or a vow. I spit on it. My hatred of his breaking the laws of Spirit--in Heaven there are no vows--rankled me THAT MUCH! Next I took my 'soul mate of the sixth vibration' papers and waved them in front of his face, saying I had certain rights as a soul mate. He saw my point but made no motion to change. No promises. Nothing.

But I saw how judging I was, and how that was not right on my part to have such strong feelings. He had every right to live as his choice, independent of me. The rest of the healing went better. But, um, between us? The Thrill Is Gone...

________________________________

At work I did five cases before noon. They were quick. Everyone did well. I was delighted that my favorite gastroenterologist was there, and further, he asked me how my blog was doing? He is very proud of my accomplishments, even though he does not know how to 'find me' online, he understands the importance of this work.

He shared how his asthma was so bad that he had to go to Colorado for specialist treatment a few years back. The expert told him 'you have end-stage incurable asthma, and there is nothing that can be done.'.

His wife said, 'I don't believe him. We will find something to work for you.'

The only thing left was an injectable monoclonal antibody for eosinophilic asthma. It cost three thousand dollars a month. Insurance did not cover it.

His wife said, 'You make good money. Without this you can't work. Why don't we buy it for you ourselves?'

It worked so well, his doctor wrote and email on his behalf to the insurance company in support of his getting the treatment.

The insurance denied it. They said, 'immunoglobilin levels are normal'.

'It was not a doctor who was saying no--it was someone with high school education. Anyone medical would know that steroid use normalizes the immunoglobulin level. I took the risk of going off the steroids to show it was high in order to get the insurance company to pay for it.'

It has been two years now, with no long-term inhalers or steroids. He goes to the doctor's office (medical benefit, not pharmacy one if he self-injected) every two weeks.

One patient was extra nervous. I had seen the pattern before. There was a lot of drama, and the partner and I had to wipe the tears. We did it because we wanted to, of course, but the patient was seriously upset. It took longer to talk the patient down than to do the procedure. It was the second time of the day I had a patient with fear of propofol. I gave Reiki and lots of it, and propofol too! At the end everyone was happy. However, I found that this panic attack took a toll on me. It didn't 'hit' until the drive home.

Never underestimate the effect on the emotional health of the caregiver from being 'on the front lines'.
_______________________________________________

I stopped by the Reptile store to pick up some jumbo mice. But first, I went to the used bookstore to find a copy of Tao by Lao Tzu, as the tattoo patient with my father's birthday recommended. I found one, sort of a sequel. Here is the line that 'jumped out' at me:

If you have a spiritual experience and you want to keep having spiritual experiences, you must turn from that which you just completed and go on to the next thing.It doesn't matter how wonderful or uplifting your experience was; you turn from that and go on to the next thing. To do less is to deny your growth and awareness.As soon as you measure your present experience with a past experience, you have judged it, and your judgements will be upon you. You have then propelled yourself out of Spirit.To get yourself back into the Spirit, you move into the present moment and love whatever is happening.

When you are not living in expectation, you can't be caught in negativity.
The book is signed by the author, John-Roger. It says 'For (almost my first name, only one letter off), Best Wishes'.

There were no mice.
_________________________________________________

I cried in the car on the drive home.

I felt lost.

I get very tearful around Dad's 'anniversary' or 'birthday in Heaven'.

I also felt the sting of rejection from my twin soul.

He has no feelings towards me.

I should have noticed.

I should have shut the F up and gone on my own way a lot sooner than I did.

I had a heart to heart with Ross, my 'guide' who is 'up there'.

'Is there no happiness for me in this life?' I asked, with my whole heart.His answer? 'Did you Learn and Grow from it?''Yes.''Then move on. There is no loss when one Learns and experiences Growth from it.'
At that point I realized whatever is happening in my perception may be archon-influenced--it might be half-true--but my heart knows there is no connection. Painful as it is, I accept it.

Out of all the Twin Flame, soul-mates of the sixth vibration, mine does not like me. Mine does not want anything to do with me. Mine is more interested in everything else, ANYTHING ELSE, and not me. Won't lift a finger. Won't go out of his way. Is Asian 'polite'. And that is about it.

His silence is a weapon against my heart. More like a ten-blade (this is a scalpel). It cuts to heal. God only knows what it is meant to heal? But there is not one drop of anesthesia for my soul...and in some way, I suppose, that is 'good'.

I am a two when it comes to birth years. Two's and three's are not known to 'mix'.

_________________________________________

If it's not mine, take it away. I prayed that. It worked enough to get me the rest of the way home.

Search This Blog

Translate

About Me

I am a medical doctor who works in a hospital. I do anesthesia. I am also a Reiki practitioner. While I do anesthesia, I also make this form of Energy Healing available to my patients who wish to have it while their procedure is taking place.
I have quite a following at work. Many patients and coworkers request my services. Recovery room RN's love me. All of my patient report the same thing: they felt no pain. One friend's spouse actually made her take two of her pain pills at home because he absolutely could not believe she felt no pain after gallbladder surgery!