WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (c) vs. “Special Delivery” S.D. Jones. Reynolds that there are a number of “Orientals” at ringside to cover the match. They trade hammerlocks. You’d think Valentine would be the master of that particular hold. Jones shines a bit, throwing the champion around and beating him up. Jones works the arm and lands some headbutts to Valentine’s back. Valentine goes to work on the leg in order to soften up Jones for the figure-four. Jones escapes leg torture and makes his comeback. Valentine bails. Jones follows him out and sends him into the barricade. Back inside, Valentine hits a backdrop suplex for the pin in about 9 minutes. You can’t hear the bell on this show. The crowd is upset, but Valentine won clean as a sheet. Good match. I love me some Hammer Valentine. **3/4

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Rocky Johnson. Punches. Volkoff with a nerve hold. Johnson, the only one with any athleticism to contribute to this match, flies around a bit for Volkoff. Johnson gets a sunset flip that the announcer calls a small package. Johnson with a crab hold, but he almost put Volkoff on top of the ropes in the process. They do a test of strength, then Volkoff goes on the attack. Johnson avoids Volkoff in the corner, then spreads his legs and stomps on him. Looked like it was in the balls to me, but the referee says otherwise. Back and forth. Volkoff with a double axe handle off the middle rope for two. Volkoff hot shots Johnson into the top rope for the pin in about 9 minutes. **1/4

Goldie Rogers & Bobby Bass vs. Dynamite Kid & Davey Boy Smith. They aren’t even called The British Bulldogs at this point! Dynamite with some sweet maneuvering and dropkicking against Rogers to start. Smith shows his power against Bass, then rams Bass’ head into Dynamite’s. Bass tries to tag out. Rogers is reluctant, but eventually obliges. He probably shouldn’t have, as the Bulldogs put a beating on him. Bass comes in and takes a headbutt from iron-skulled Dynamite. Bass tries to make a save and hits his partner. Smith hits the running powerslam on Rogers for 2, then applies a rear chin lock. Rogers and Bass actually cut Smith off and get some heat on him. The interesting part of the match has concluded for the moment. Dynamite gets the hot tag and headbutts Rogers into next week. Bass refuses to tag in. Dynamite goes for a piledriver on the ramp, but gets backdropped. Back inside, Bass tags in and goes for a diving headbutt. Dynamite avoids it. Smith tags in, avoids a headbutt from Bass, and hits a pildedriver. Dynamite tags in. Rogers comes in. Smith gets him up a fireman’s carry. Dynamite comes off of Roger’s back with a diving headbutt on Bass for the pin in about 10 minutes. It was good except for the heat segment. Bulldogs looked great here. **1/2

Steel Cage Match: Kamala (w/ Kim Chee) vs. Andre the Giant. The announcers apparently don’t know Kim Chee’s name, as they keep calling him “Friday,” as in “Man Friday.” Andre beats up Kamala. Kamala rallies, lands a big splash, and doesn’t understand why the referee isn’t counting. The referee is not, in fact, inside the cage. This is a WWF cage match, in which the objective is to run away. Kamala beats up Andre. Andre beats up Kamala. Kamala beats up Andre. Andre is bleeding. Repeat ad nauseam. Andre chokes Kamala. They fight some more. Andre slams Kamala. Andre with an elbow drop. Andre with a really horrible looking failed diving ass drop. Andre leaves to end this in about 14 minutes. Really bad.

The show starts with words from the Rumble participants. We are LIVE on iPPV!

Brad Stutts and Amber Gertner are on commentary.

CWF Mid-Atlantic Television Championship Match: Trevor Lee (c) (w/ Chet Sterling & CWF Mid-Atlantic Rising Generation League Champion Ben Tyler) vs. Matty De Nero (w/ Donnie Dollars). According to Stutts, Lee is 19 years old. I think that De Nero (a member of Fatback Enterprises) is the babyface. He hits a cannonball dive onto Lee’s cornermen. He then takes his shirt off, which frightens young Trevor Lee. Lee’s cornermen interfere and get T-bone suplexes for their trouble. Chet Sterling puts an object in Lee’s kickpad, allowing him to KO De Nero and get the pin in 4:24. A little short, but I guess they’ve got the long Rumble coming later.

“Hurricane” Shane Helms appears via video. He talks about going all over the world.

ArenaChicks Tournament Match: “The Rate Tank” Kellie Skater vs. Sassy Stephie. Both of these girls are in the same stable, so the manager comes out with both of them. They wrestle a bit, then accuse each other of cheating and start choking each other. The Coach tries to get them to make up, but they go at each other even more viciously. Stephie does the “hump the other girl’s face into the mat” deal, which always amuses me. The Coach has a whistle, but at least he’s not being Bill Alfonso and blowing it constantly. Coach Gemini? Is that the guy’s name? He keeps switching jerseys based on whoever has the advantage at a given moment. Skater counters Stephie’s “Kiss My Sass” and locks in an ankle lock. Stephie gets a rope break. Skater gets a reverse cradle, but get caught holding the tights. Stephie cuts it back, doesn’t get caught holding the tights, and gets the pin in 10:58. Chasity Taylor(?) tries to interview Skater, but gets shoved down for her trouble.

Commercial for the next iPPV, Ultimate Survivor.

CWF Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Title Match: The Killbillies (c) (w/ Bobby Jo Neil) vs. The Dawson Brothers. The Killbillies are undefeated as a team for 10 months. The Dawsons have apparently won several tag titles in North Carolina, but this one. Evan Banks annoys Zane Dawson my touching his impressive beard, and Zane kicks his ass. Killbillies cut Zane off and work him over. The Dawsons try to cut Banks off, but fail. The Killbillies do not fail to cut off Zane again. Zane knocks Aric Andrews out of the ring, where Dave Dawson outs a hurting on him. The Dawsons get the heat on Andrews. Aric Andrews is an awesome face in peril. Evan Banks gets the hot tag and RUNS WILD~! Dave Dawson grabs Bobby Jo Neil at ringside and gets PBR spit in his face. Evans hits Zane with a knee trembler and a spear for the pin in 14:42. My new favorite tag team, the Killbillies, retain! Good formulaic tag match, very fun.

Video explaining the next match. It’s a bounty match. Coach Gemini has put a bounty on Arik Royal, and Jake Manning is thinking about taking it.

“The Man Scout” Jake Manning (w/ Freight Train) vs. Arik Royal. Manning is a boy scout, but he’s a man, so… he’s a man scout. Will the fine, upstanding man scout do the dastardly thing and injure Arik Royal? Manning offers a handshake. Royal declines. They have a clean sporting match. Manning is apparently a father/big brother figure for Freight Train, a large black man who seems sort of… special. They start clubberin’ each other. Royal injures his knee. Coach Gemini comes out to wave the money in Manning’s face. Manning appears to take the deal, as he attacks Royal’s knee. Manning applies a figure-four leglock. Coach Gemini distracts the referee. Manning grabs a chair and threatens to Pillmanize Royal’s leg. Freight Train tells Manning not to do it. Manning throws out the chair and goes for the figure-four. Royal cradles him for 2, then kicks him in the face for the pin in 11:51. My second favorite match of the night so far. Gemini berates Manning. Freight Train comes in and gives him a hilariously gentle forearm, then takes the money. Royal and Freight Train help Manning up.

Chiva Kid and Ray Kandrack promos.

CWF Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Championship Match: Ray Kandrack (c) vs. Chiva Kid. Chiva Kid is the much smaller man. He’s impressive too. Nice springboard headbutt followed by a standing Shooting Star press. SUICIDE DIVE BY CHIVA KID! Kandrack clotheslines Chiva Kid and the apron and Kid does a 360 bump to the floor. Awesome. Kandrack hip tosses Chiva into the post. Freaking OUCH. Oklahoma Stampede gets 2 for the champion. I’m digging this match. Chiva’s bumping like a madman. Great big man/little man match. Headbutt battle! Chiva Kid makes a comeback and escapes Kandrack’s finish, the Ray Gun (Death Valley Driver). Chiva’s hurting, but he’s still in it. SHOOTING STAR PRESS! KANDRACK KICKED OUT! I thought that was it. Kandrack ducks a kick and hits the Ray Gun for the… 2 or 3? The referee decides that it was 2. The match continues! Kandrack is NOT HAPPY. CHIVA KID HITS A DRAGONRANA FROM THE RAFTERS! And it’s only 2! Crowd is HOT for this. COME ON CHIVA! Chiva knocks Kid down and goes up top again. Chiva CRASHES AND BURNS. Kandrack hits the Gamma Ray for the pin in 13:59. This match RULED!

Now they’re airing a match from Britannia Wrestling Promotions England.

PWI/BWP World Catchweight Championship Match: “The Toxic Terror” Alex Cyanide (c) vs. Shaun “The Hammer” Davis. Clipped. They beat on each other inside a ridiculously tiny ring. Cyanide is a rather large bloke. Cyanide hits a powerbomb and 2 big splashes, but doesn’t cover. Davis hits a chokeslam off the middle rope. It’s a double KO. At least it’s over. What was the point of this? Just to kill ten minutes?

They show some photos of Jake Manning and somebody going to England to interview Dynamite Kid. Depressing.

Comments from Rumble participants. And now it’s Rumble time! Cory Edsel explains how a Rumble works, just in case you’ve never watched Pro Wrestling before.

30-Person CWF Rumble: #1 is Chase Dakota. #2 is Jason (not Mayhem) Miller. Dakota narrowly survives early elimination. Sweet sit out full nelson face buster by Miller. #3 is Chet Sterling. Miller destroys him. Miller hits a belly to belly on Dakota and Sterling at the same time. He throws them both out. Sterling is out, but Dakota saves himself again. #4 is Sassy Stephie, substituting for someone. Stephie and Dakota work together. Being slapped by Stephie only pisses Miller off. #5 is Mark James, who promptly beats the shit out of Chase Dakota. James sets Stephie on the apron. She slaps him. James pie faces her off the apron, then returns to beating up Dakota. Apparently James and Miller are tag team partners. #6 is CWF Mid-Atlantic Television Champion Trevor Lee, who promptly falls victim to a double spinebuster. James and Lee pair off, as do Miller and Dakota. #7 is Jesse Ortega, who helps from the floor to eliminate Miller. Miller attacks him, but is held back by the officials. Mark James tosses Ortega out so Miller can kick his ass. #8 is Solomon Spades, Dakota’s mentor. Lee bails while Spade and Dakota go after James. James gets the better off them and Lee Pearl Harbors him. James deals with him as well. #9 is Donnie Dollars, who cleans house. Joe Black appears and attacks Dollars, who tosses him. Dollars eliminates Dakota and Spades. Lee and Dollars face off. Lee took the TV title from Dollars last month with help from Spades and Dakota. #10 is CWF Mid-Atlantic Rising Generation League Champion and Lee’s partner, Ben Tyler. Dollars kicks both of their asses. #11 is Michael McAllister. His music is “I’m sexy and I know it,” so I hate him. Jason Miller and Jesse Ortega reappear, still fighting. #12 is “Ice Man” Joe Storm, who brings some plunder to the party. Storm plays the role of the poor man’s Sandman/Tommy Dreamer and has fun with weapons. #13 is Mecha Mercenary, who no sells Storm’s Singapore cane shots and throws him out. Mecha eliminates Donnie Dollars with a clothesline. The remaining guys in the ring, all heels, try to avoid him. #14 is Ty Dillinger, who attacks McAllister with a club and tosses him out. Dillingers backs into Mecha and tries to whack him with the club. That fails, but he grabs Mecha’s beard and lands some punches. Mecha tosses him. The Fun Athletic Guys (Lee and Tyler) dance around like goofballs and try to avoid Mecha’s wrath. #15 is Matt Smith, who runs wild on the heels in the ring before he gets powerbombed by Mecha. Trevor Lee barely avoids elimination. Smith hits a Northern Lights suplex and a Shining Wizard on Tyler, then gets killed by Mecha. #16 is Kamakazi Kid, who unexpectedly helps Mecha. Kazi takes his mask off. It’s CECIL SCOTT! The real Kazi appears and kicks his ass before being forced to the back. #17 is Amber O’Neal. Lee tries to kiss her. She throws glitter in his eyes. She gives Ben Tyler a stink face, then rams Lee’s head into Tyler’s balls. She gives them both a bronco buster. Mecha grabs her. #18 is Freight Train, who faces off with Mecha and gives him some love taps. Amber O’Neal gives Cecil Scott an X Factor, then Freight Train whips him and O’Neal low bridges him out of the ring. Dammit. Mecha eliminates Freight Train. #19 is Roy Wilkins. O’Neal grabs Lee’s and Tyler’s balls. Wilkins kicks her in the face and the Fun Athletic Guys eliminate her. Matt Smith eliminates Mecha Mercenary! Smith is fired up! #20 is Marcellus King. The Fun Athletic Guys attack him and get their asses kicked. King eliminates both of them. Smith and King beat up Roy Wilkins. #21 is Walter Eaton, Wilkins’ tag team partner. Smith is eliminated by Eaton and Wilkins. #22 is Devin Dalton. He’s a U.S. Marine, and he kicks ass like one. #23 is Nick Richards, who goofs off with King. #24 is Ric Converse. King waits for him, but Eaton nails him from behind. This only pisses King off, but the distraction allows Converse to eliminate King. Converse gives Dalton the Richter Scale, and Eaton tosses him. #25 is Chris Lea, who the crowd loves, and who immediately goes after Converse. Lea slips on a springboard, but catches Converse and dropkicks him to the apron. Eaton kills Lea with a clotheslines. #26 is Matty De Nero, who has a power gauntlet. What? IT WORKS! He punches the mat and knocks everyone down. Awesome. #27 is “The Rate Tank” Kellie Skater. De Nero gives her the power glove, and she throws it away and attacks him. De Nero decks her and teases eliminating her. Skater throws him out of the ring onto the ramp to eliminate him. #28 is Chiva Kid! He and Skater go at it. He’s still selling his back from earlier. Awesome. He tries to springboard, but Skater kicks him off the apron to the floor. #29 is Kamakazi Kid for real this time. He kills Skater with an uppercut and tosses her out. Cecil Scott and Mecha Mercenary reappear to attack Kazi. “The Boogie Woogie Man” Rob McBride appears to get rid of Mecha and Scott. #30 is Steve Greene, who seems to be both a surprise and a huge deal. Greene cleans house. Eaton and Wilkins eliminate him. Kazi and Lea go at it. Kazi hits a Frankensteiner. Lea hits the Eat Defeat (Soul Food), and Eaton eliminates Kazi. Converse and Lea brawl again. We’re down to five. Lea counters the Richter Scale and eliminates Converse. Apparently this is Lea’s pro debut. Impressive. Final four are Lea, Eaton, Wilkins, and Richards. Lea and Wilkins struggle to eliminate each other. Wilkins and Eaton eliminate him with a dropkick. Eaton and Wilkins are left with Richards. Stutts keeps calling them the Goon Squad. Is that their actual name? They put a beating on Richards. Goons set up a Doomsday Device. Richards fights out and gives Eaton a butterfly suplex off the top, then gives Eaton an avalanche-style backdrop suplex! Double clothesline! Richards is FIRED UP! Double DDT! The Goons cut him off and put a beating on him. Goons go for the Gang Bang. Richards counters out and hits a cutter on Wilkins. Richards manages to toss Eaton. Wilkins throws Richards out through the ropes. Eaton attacks him at ringside and gives him a sit-out Pedigree on the floor. Richards comes back in. Wilkins tries to eliminate him. Richards pulls him to the apron, a dangerous place to fight. Wilkins sends Richards into the post and to the floor to win it in 56:27. Damn. Fun Rumble. They really had me hooked at the end. Goons celebrate.

The show ends with a Killbillies promo, which is perfectly fine with me. Ultimate Survivor, November 17!

Very fun show, very much worth the $10. I’m glad I could support CWF Mid-Atlantic’s first iPPV.

LIVE from the Richfield Coliseum in Richfield, Ohio! Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers. I’m sure that means this is going to be a happening. Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

Elimination Match: WWF Intercontinental Champion The Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, The Blue Blazer, Sam Houston, & Jim Brunzell vs. The Honky Tonk Man, Danny Davis, Greg Valentine, Ron Bass, & Bad News Brown (w/ Jimmy Hart). Co-captains Warrior and Beefcake shake the ropes together. Valentine and Beefcake start. They trade blows. Davis tags in and puts the boots to Beefcake. Beefcake leap frogs him and locks in the sleeper to eliminate Davis in 1:18. Valentine comes in and hammers Beefcake again. Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Beefcake kicks him away. Blazer tags in and does an awesome head scissors takeover. Brunzell tags in and twists Valentine’s arm. Brunzell lands a dropkick, but didn’t notice Bad News tag in. Brown kicks Brunzell’s ass. Brunzell tries to fight back, but it seems to just piss Bad News off. Brown hits the Ghetto Blaster to pin Brunzell at 5:12. Beefcake, followed quickly by Houston, go after Brown. Brown kicks Houston in the face and hits a leg drop for 2. Brown beats up Houston some more and tags in Valentine. Valentine hammers him, then tags Brown back in. Brown holds Houston for a shot, but Valentine accidentally nails Brown. They argue. The rest of the heel time tries to soothe things. Bad News just leaves and gets counted out in about 7:50. Houston gets a quick cradle on Valentine for 2. Valentine blocks a sunset flip attempt, then tags in Bass. Houston gets a reverse cradle for 2. Bass boots him in the face, then hits a clothesline for 2. Houston hits a rebound cross body for 2. Bass knocks him down and drops an elbow for 2. Houston fires back, tries a monkey flip, but gets powerslammed by Bass for the pin at 10:11. Warrior comes in and runs wild on the remaining opponents. Tag to Blazer. Rocket launcher by Warrior and Blazer on Bass for 2. Honky tags in and takes a cross body from The Blazer. Blazer hits a monkey flip and a dropkick on Honky. Tag to Valentine. Awesome. Blazer hits a gutwrench suplex and a knee drop for 2. Blazer goes up top, but Honky pushes him off. Blazer lands on his knees. Valentine locks the figure-four on Blazer for the submission in 12:22. Valentine attacks his former tag partner, Beefcake. Bass tags in and beats up Beefcake. Honky tags in and gets in on that, too. Beefcake counters a Shake, Rattle, & Roll attempt. Honky tags in Bass, who hot shots Beefcake into the ropes and covers, but Beefcake gets a foot on the ropes. Tag to Honky, who comes off the top and gets caught with a shot to the middle. Beefcake brawls with Honky, then hits an atomic drop and a clothesline. Beefcake locks in the sleeper. They both fall out of the ring. Beefcake locks in the sleeper again. They both get counted out in 15:42. Valentine and Bass beat up Warrior. Warrior rallies and drops them both with a double clothesline. Warrior pins Bass with a double axe handle at 17:37. Valentine meets the same fate in 17:50. Very fun match. It was a happening!

Tag Team Elimination Match: WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji), The Brain Busters (w/ Bobby Heenan), The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart), The Bolsheviks, & Los Conquistadors vs. The Powers of Pain, The Young Stallions, The Hart Foundation, The Rockers, & The British Bulldogs. Davey Boy stats with one of the Conquistadors. Jacques tags in and gets press slammed onto Raymond. Shawn Michaels, in his PPV debut, gets beaten up by the Bolsheviks. Jannetty tags in and The Rockers double team Zhukov. Ax tags in and wails on Jannetty. Arn Anderson beats up Jannetty, then gets backdropped and dropkicked. Tully tags in and trades punches with Jannetty. Jannetty hits an atomic drop, gets punched by the babyfaces, dropkicked, and tags in Jacques. Jannetty avoids a cross body from Jacques and covers for 2. Dynamite tags in and hits the snap suplex for 2. Powers and Raymond tags in, but Davey Boy wasn’t done. He comes in and gets 2 on Raymond off a Brisco roll. Powers and Zhukov tag in. Powers gets beaten up by the heels and tags in Bret Hart. Hart pins Raymond with an inside cradle at 5:38. Roma and Volkoff fight. Sorry, these matches are hard to follow with so many guys and so much going on. Smash hammers Neidhart, but gets caught with a clothesline. Barbarian tags in and trades blows with Smash. A Conquistador tags in and gets his head kicked off by Barbarian. Warlord tags in and has his way with the Conquistador, then tags in Hart. The Conquistador makes the tag to Smash. Tag to Ax. Demolition beats up Hart. Tag to Blanchard. This can’t be fun to read for you guys. Every freakin’ sentence is “X tags Y” or some such. The heels take turns beating up Michaels. Anderson hits him with the spinebuster for 2. Michaels makes the tag to Jannetty, who runs wild on the Conquistadors. Volkoff tags in and Jannetty gets a 2 count on him. Lots of quick tags. I think we’ve established that, though. Warlord press slams a Conquistador, who tags in Ax. Ax and Warlord trade punches. Smash tags in. Barbarian tags in. Tags everywhere! Barbarian and Smash land some fierce blows on each other. Barbarian press slams Blanchard into the ropes, then tags in Neidhart, who powerslams Blanchard for 2. Dynamite tags in and drops Blanchard, then gets thrown out of the ring. Anderson tags in, puts the boots to Dynamite, and tags a Conquistador. Zhukov misses a knee drop on Dynamite. Powers beats up Zhukov. Powers hits a cross body on Zhukov, but Zhukov rolls through and gets the pin at 15:34. Michaels hits a diving fist drop on Zhukov for 2. Barbarian nails Zhukov with a shoulder black. Blanchard tags in and tip toes over to tag in Volkoff. Ax clobbers Barbarian with a flurry of fierce blows. Volkoff comes back in. Barbarian kicks his head off and tags in Michaels. Michaels beats him up, then goes with Zhukov. Jannetty tags in and pins Zhukov with a slingshot sunset flip at 18:20. Jannetty almost pins one of the Conquistadors with a sunset flip. The heels take turns beating up Jannetty. Davey Boy tags in and backdrops a Conquistador, who tags in Blanchard. Smith and Blanchard trade shots. Blanchard is an awesome chickenshit heel. Smash tags in and beats up Davey Boy. Blanchard taunts the face team before going to the apron. Conquistadors beat up Davey Boy. Davey Boy makes the tag to Neidhart. Harts double team the Conquistador. Michaels hits a dropkick on the Conquistador. Marty hits an elbow smash. The Conquistador ends up in the wrong corner and gets beat up. Dynamite treats him to a snap suplex and a diving knee drop for 2. Dynamite hits a backbreaker for 2, then tags in Barbarian. Barbarian beats the shit out of the Conquistador, who manages to tag out to Blanchard. Blanchard plays chickenshit and gets the advantage with a cheap shot, then turns Barbarian over to Demolition. The heel team takes turns beating up Barbarian. Barbarian kicks the shit out of Arn and makes the tag to Jannetty. Jannetty hits Arn with an elbow and tags in Neidhart. Blanchard tags in and hits a cross body for 2. Neidhart suplexes Blanchard and tags in Hart. Hart hits a German suplex hold on Blanchard, but Blanchard gets a shoulder up and Hart gets pinned at 27:08. Dynamite hits a Tombstone on Blanchard for 2. Bulldogs double team Blanchard. The Rockers brawl with the Busters and all four are DQ’d at about 29 minutes. They keep brawling all the way backstage. Smash beats up Dynamite. Dynamite fights back. More quick tags. Powers of Pain beat up one of the Conquistadors. Davey Boy hits the vertical suplex on the other Conquistador. Davey gets a crucifix hold on Ax for 2. Dynamite shines against Demolition. Davey Boy press slams a Conquistador again and follows with the running powerslam. Barbarian and Ax fight. Smash throws Barbarian out of the ring. The Conquistadors help beat up Barbarian. Bulldogs beat up a Conquistador. Dynamite hits the snap suplex on Smash and goes for the diving headbutt, but misses. Smash hits Dynamite with a clothesline for the pin in 36:18. Powers of Pain beat up a Conquistador. Warlord spears the post. Ax tags in and beats the shit out of the injured shoulder. Fuji gets on the apron with his cane for no apparent reason as the heels beat up The Warlord. He does it again a minute later. Fuji low bridges Smash, his own man, out of the ring. Smash gets counted out at 39:48. Ax bitches at Fuji. Fuji tells Ax he’s the boss, then whacks him with the cane. Smash grabs Fuji and throws him to Ax, who slams Fuji at ringside. The Powers of Pain go outside and help Mr. Fuji up and lead him to their corner. Fuji trips one of the Conquistadors with the cane, allowing Barbarian to hit a headbutt for the pin in 42:25. Powers of Pain celebrate with Mr. Fuji. Demolition comes back out and brawls with the Powers of Pain. Demolition kicks their asses and runs them off. There’s your double turn that didn’t really make sense, and I don’t think it really got over. The match was long and often a clusterfuck, but it was a lot of fun.

Elimination Match: Jake Roberts, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Tito Santana, Ken Patera, & Scott Casey vs. Andre the Giant, Dino Bravo, Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect, & Harley Race (w/ Bobby Heenan & Frenchy Martin). Rude and Patera start. Nothing of note happens. Bravo tags in and wrestles with Patera a bit. Perfect tags in and Patera drags him into the corner and makes the tag to Roberts. Roberts has his second, then tags in Santana, who has a nice exchange with Perfect. Jake and Bravo brawl. Scott Casey (who?) tags in and tries a monkey flip on Bravo, but gets countered. Race tags in and works over Casey. Rude tags in and works over Casey. Perfect tags in and works over Casey. Casey realizes he’s boned and tags in Santana, who stays in for about a second before tagging Patera, who stays in for about a second before tagging Duggan. Duggan takes Perfect’s head off with a clothesline. Duggan punches Perfect out of the ring, gets into a confrontation with Andre, then tags in Casey. Casey tries to pick the bones of Perfect, but fails. Perfect tags Rude, who beats up Casey. Tito tags in and hits a forearm on Rude for 2. Duggan tags in and fails at clotheslining Rude, slams him, and fails at elbow drops. Patera tags in and works over Rude. Rude manages to hit the Rude Awakening for the pin at 8:21. Casey, who never learns, tags in and gets his ass kicked. He manages to get a 2 count on Bravo with a backslide. Bravo avoids a reverse cradle and hits a side suplex to pin Casey at 9:29. Tito and Perfect go at it again. Tito gets an inside cradle for 2. Duggan tags in. Perfect catches him with a kick and beats him up. Duggan Hacksaws up, but gets caught by Andre on the apron. Andre headbutts Duggan. Rude tags in and beats up Duggan some more. Duggan drops Rude with a clothesline. Race and Tito tag in. Bravo tags in soon after and Tito hits him with a cross body for 2. Tito gets a Brisco roll for 2 on Bravo. Race tags in and hits a piledriver on Tito for 2. Tito hits the flying jalapeno to pin Race at 13:19. Andre comes in and ravages Tito. Tito tries to sunset flip Andre. Is he retarded? Andre squashes him for the pin at 14:44. Duggan comes in and attacks Andre, who gets tied up in the ropes. Jake comes in and beats up the tied up Andre. That dick. Andre gets lose and tags in Rude. Rude beats up Roberts, then tags in Perfect,who also beats up Roberts. Andre chokes Roberts behind the referee’s back. Perfect slaps Jake. Jake fights back. Bravo tags in and cuts off Jake from making the tag. Roberts hits a short range lariat and goes for the DDT, but Rude clotheslines him from the apron. Rude tags in and beats up Jake. My video goes wonky because of the ancient VHS source material. Bravo hits a piledriver on Roberts. Duggan gets the hot tag and runs wild on Bravo. Duggan goes for the 3 point clothesline, but Martin trips him from the outside. Bravo knocks Duggan out of the ring and slams Bravo on the floor. Duggan hits Bravo with the 2×4 to get DQ’d at 21:24. Roberts is screwed. Roberts and Perfect lock up. Roberts hits a clothesline. Crowd chants “DDT!” Roberts and Perfect trade punches. Roberts hits the knee lift. Perfect tags out to Bravo. Bravo over powers Roberts with a knuckle lock. Bravo avoids a DDT attempt, misses an elbow drop, and tags in Rude. Roberts bails for a moment, then comes back in. He tries to stay as close to his corner as he can. He and Rude brawl. Bravo decks Rude from the apron. Rude hits a gutbuster. Rude works over Roberts. Rude hits a diving… punch, I guess, then does his gay stripper dance over Roberts. Rude saunters over to make the tag. Roberts grabs him and hits the DDT for the pin at 28:47. Andre tags in and chokes the shit out of Roberts. Andre gets DQ’d for the choking at 29:40. Perfect pins Roberts to win it 30:03. Perfect and Bravo survive. Finkel, you fucking moron, it’s not the SOLE SURVIVOR if TWO GUYS SURVIVED. No complaints about the match. Roberts brings the snake out after the match and scares Andre.

Mean Gene interviews The Big Boss Man and Akeem’s team.

Elimination Match: The Big Boss Man, Akeem, Ted Dibiase, King Haku, & The Red Rooster (w/ Slick, Virgil, & Bobby Heenan) vs. WWF Champion Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth), Hulk Hogan, Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie), Hillbilly Jim, & Hercules. Savage and Dibiase start. It’s good. Dibiase nails Savage with a clothesline. They reverse Irish whip attempts. Savage hits a clothesline and tags in Hercules. Dibiase bails and tags in Rooster. Poor Terry Taylor. Rooster goes for what looks like a Scorpion Death Lock of all things, but doesn’t get it. Koko tags in and eats Rooster’s boot. Akeem tags in for a second, then tags in Haku. Haku slams Koko, but Koko avoids a leg drop and tags in Hercules. Hercules hammers Haku. Hogan tags in and beats up Haku. Jim tags in and gets a 2 count after a double big boot. Akeem tags in and hammers Jim, then quickly tags in Rooster. Rooster fails at slamming Jim, who slams him instead. Tag to Koko, who powerslams Rooster for 2. Koko hits a missile dropkick for 2. Hogan tags in and beats up Rooster. Tag to Savage. Hogan slams Rooster and Savage hits the diving elbow for the pin at 6:12. Heenan bitches at Rooster. Haku and Hogan trade blows. Haku gets the better of it and puts a beating on Hogan. Hogan reverses a whip into the corner and hits a clothesline, then a slam, then tags Hercules. Hercules dances and hits an elbow drop for 2. Herc grabs a headlock, but Haku hits a backdrop suplex and tags Haku. Herc avoids an elbow and tags in Hillbilly Jim. Big guy fight. Akeem hits a clothesline and a big splash for the pin at 9:54. Koko dropkicks Akeem from behind, gets his licks in, and tags Hogan, who quickly tags Savage. Savage hits a diving double axe handle, tags Herc. Herc beats up Akeem. Nobody can take Akeem down. Koko tags in. He’s not gonna pull it off. He dropkicks Akeem into the corner. Akeem avoids a Stinger Splash and tags in Boss Man, who hits the sidewalk slam to pin Koko at 11:46. Hogan comes in and squares off with Boss Man. Hogan hits an atomic drop. All of the babyfaces punch Boss Man. Hogan clotheslines him in the corner. Hogan hits a big boot, then slams Boss Man. Boss Man hits a spinebuster, then tags out to Akeem. Twin Towers double team Hogan. Tag to Haku, who beats up Hogan some more. Boss Man beats up Hogan some more. Dibiase tags in and beats up Hogan too. Who doesn’t want to beat up Hogan a little bit? Dibiase lands a few fist drops and covers, but Hogan throws him off at 2. Hogan hulks up, hits an atomic drop, then tags in Hercules. Herc beats up Dibiase. When Herc gets rolling, Virgil provides the distraction that lets Dibase schoolboy Herc for the pin at 16:36. Savage schoolboys Dibiase for the pin at 16:59. Haku hammers Savage. Savage avoids a headbutt and fights back. Tag to Hogan. Hogan beats up Haku. Haku lands a superkick and tags in Boss Man. Boss Man clobbers Hogan. Akeem tags in and does the same. Haku tags in and suplexes Hogan for 2. Haku slaps a nerve hold on Hogan. Hogan revives. Boss Man tags in and hits the sidewalk slam, and doesn’t cover because he’s an idiot. Boss Man goes for a splash, but of course he crashes and burns. Hot tag to Savage, who runs wild on everybody. Slick trips Savage from the outside. Slick grabs Elizabeth by the arm as Savage is being bear hugged by Boss Man. Hogan saves Liz, but the Towers jump him in the aisle. Boss Man handcuffs Hogan to the bottom rope. Boss Man is counted out at around 23:30. Since he already lost, be beats the shit out Hogan with the nightstick. Savage tries to make a comeback on Haku, but Boss Man chokes him with the nightstick. Akeem is DQ’d at around 25:10. The Towers leave. Haku beats up Savage. Slick taunts Hogan with the keys to the handcuffs. Slick holds Savage for Haku. Savage ducks and Slick gets superkicked off the apron. Hogan nails Heenan. Liz takes the keys from Slick and unlocks Hogan. Haku hits a diving splash on Savage for 2. Hogan gets the hot tag, punches Haku. Big boot, body slam, and the leg drop for the pin in 29:11. The Mega Powers survive. Dammit Howard, THEY’RE NOT SOLE SURVIVORS IF THERE’S TWO OF THEM, YOU FUCKING FUCK. Like the last match, no complaints, it was just really long. Hogan and Savage pose to close the show. I’m not sure if this is relevant to the storyline or not, but I noticed a couple of things about the Mega Powers. 1.) The rest of the team came out together to Savage’s music, but Hogan had to have his own entrance. 2.) Savage wore his Mega Powers trunks on. Hogan didn’t.

The WWF: What The World Is Watching! PPV opening video. We’re LIVE from Madison Square Garden! Gorilla Monsoon and “Superstar” Billy Graham are the announcers. Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Matilda). The Rougeaus are now pretending to be pro-America, which makes them heels. Davey Boy goes to work on Jacques immediately. Raymond tags in. They lock up. Davey Boy backs him into the corner. Raymond cheap shots him. Raymond does a monkey flip, but Smith lands on his feet and takes him over with an arm drag. Dynamite tags in and works over Raymond. Davey Boy tags in and gets a sunset flip for 2. Bulldogs take turns working over Raymond. Raymond and Davey do a cool quick little reversal sequences. Jacques trips Davey Boy from the outside, then tags in and works his leg. Rougeaus take turns working Davey Boy’s leg. Davey manages to get a quick inside cradle on Jacques for 2. Dynamite gets the hot tag and runs wild. Snap suplex to Jacques! Falling headbutt gets 2. Brief clusterfuck. Davey Boy hits the running powerslam on Raymond, but Jacques saves. Dynamite tags in and gets backdrop suplexed off of Raymond by Jacques. Jacques tags in and beats up Dynamite. Jacques locks him in an abdominal stretch, prompting Davey to run in and break it. Raymond comes in and puts it on as well. Dynamite fights out and gets beaten up. Jacques hits a big splash for 2. Jacques puts Dynamite in a weird modified camel clutch. Raymond tags in and applies the same hold. Again. Dynamite escapes, but Jacques cuts him off from making the tag. Dynamite gets an inside cradle, but the referee takes too long to start the count, and only gets 2. Jacques puts Dynamite in the abdominal stretch. Raymond tags in and kicks him in the gut. Dynamite struggles over and makes the hot tag… but the referee didn’t see it! Jacques covers for a 2 count. Dynamite fights back and makes the real hot tag. Jacques holds onto the ropes and avoids a dropkick. Davey Boy press slams Jacques into the top rope. More stuff happens. Davey Boy press slams Dynamite onto Jacques and the bell rings. It’s a time limit draw at 19:05. The fuck? The Rougeaus cheap shot the Bulldogs and the Bulldogs chase them to the back. The match was good in parts, but part of it seemed like they were just killing time.

They show Ron Bass injuring Brutus Beefcake. A big red “CENSORED” X appears on the screen. As a result, Beefcake won’t be able to challenge for the Intercontinental Championship tonight. Gorilla says there will indeed be an Intercontinental Championship match tonight.

Bad News Brown vs. Ken Patera. Brown jumps Patera immediately and kicks his ass. Patera rallies and clotheslines Brown out of the corner and finally manages to take his ring jacket off. Patera looks remarkably like a chunky old lady. That chunky old lady kicks Bad News’ ass. Brown avoids an elbow drop and beats up Patera some more. Patera catches Brown with a knee lift, then elbows him in the head a couple of times. Patera takes Brown down into a pinning combination, but only gets 1. Patera drops Brown again and drops an elbow for 2. Patera hits a backbreaker for 2. Patera gets an inside cradle for 1. Patera bear hugs Brown. Brown escapes. Patera goes for a full nelson. Brown immediately gets to the ropes. Repeat. More stuff happens. Patera spears the post. Brown hits the Ghetto Blaster for the pin in 6:37. Yeah, this wasn’t any good.

Hype for a boxing match. Gorilla’s favorite line tonight is “It’s gonna be a happening.”

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews the Mega Powers (w/ Elizabeth).

Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Junkyard Dog. Rude does his usual pre-match promo, and has JYD’s face on his tights. Alrighty. Rude jumps JYD immediately. JYD backdrops him and headbutts him out of the ring. JYD beats up Rude. Rude beats up JYD. Sorry, I really should be paying closer attention to the match. Rude works a rear chin lock. Whoops, I just checked out again. JYD fights back and lands a big headbutt, then nails Heenan off the apron. Rude hits a side Russian leg sweep goes to the top rope, pulls his pants down, and hits a diving punch. The tights under the tights have Jake Roberts’ wife on then. Roberts runs in and kicks Rude’s ass to cause the DQ in 5:31. Roberts apologizes to JYD for getting him DQ’d. JYD visibly mouths “Fuck.”

The Bolsheviks (w/ Slick) vs. The Powers of Pain (w/ Baron Von Raschke). Third straight match that starts with immediate brawling. The Powers clean house. Volkoff trips Barbarian and Zhukov tries to capitalize, but gets sent out of the ring. Powers beat up Volkoff and sends him bailing, too. Zhukov tries to get rolling on Barbarian, but nothing comes of it. Warlord tags in and beats him up. Volkoff breaks a cover. Warlord hits a belly to belly, but Nikolai saves again. Slick gets on the apron with his cane. Nothing comes of that. The Bolsheviks get heat on Warlord. Slick threatens The Baron with his cane. Barbarian tags in and beats up the Bolsheviks. I refuse to call this “running wild.” Tag to Warlord. Double shoulder block to Zhukov. Warlord hits a running powerslam. Barbarian follows with a diving headbutt for the pin on Zhukov in 7:20. Man, this sucked.

Survivor Series hype. 3 months beforehand. Awesome. Nowadays, they barely promote PPVs in the weeks before the show. Gorilla promises that it will be a happening!

Brother Love comes out to do the Brother Love Show. His guest is “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Duggan calls him a phony. Brother Love lectures Duggan on love. They bicker. Duggan threatens to stick his 2×4 up Love’s ass. Love tries to convince him that he loves him. Duggan swings the 2×4. Love runs away. This was kinda fun.

More hype for that boxing match. It’s gonna be a happening! Gorilla and Graham talk about it.

Honky Tonk Man comes out and calls for anyone to come out and wrestle him.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Honky Tonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Ultimate Warrior. Warrior kicks Honky’s ass. Slam, shoulder block, clothesline, big splash, pin in 31 seconds. And so ends the longest Intercontinental Championship reign of all time, a record that still stands almost 22 years later.

Regis Philbin is in the crowd.

Survivor Series hype! They show highlights from the 1987 Survivor Series. Gorilla says “It was a happening” twice in 30 seconds. And it will be a happening once again! I count 8 occurrences of the word “Happening” during that segment.

Mean Gene interviews Sugar Ray Leonard, one of the boxers in the fight they keep hyping. They show some highlights of him boxing. I don’t care. This must be intermission. They show a video interview with Leonard’s opponent, what’s-his-face. Okerlund talks to Leonard some more. I still don’t care.

They show the opening video hyping the main event again.

Bobby Heenan intrudes into the announcer’s booth. Crowd chants “WEASEL!” at him. He talks about whatever.

“The Rock” Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin). They lock up. They break. They lock up again. Gorilla, Heenan, and Graham argue about Bravo’s supposed bench press record. It’s quite a happening. Muraco throws Bravo around. Bravo bails. Bravo beats Muraco up a bit. Muraco flips Bravo around some more. Bravo beats him up some more. Muraco hits a side Russian leg sweep, which Monsoon calls a neckbreaker. Muraco backdrops Bravo, then decks Martin when he gets on the apron. Muraco lifts Bravo and bumps the ref. Bravo hits the side suplex for the pin in 5:30. This wasn’t any good either.

Sean Mooney interviews Jesse “The Body” Ventura, who will be the special guest referee in the main event.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: Demolition (c) (w/ Mr. Fuji & Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation. The Hart Foundation turned babyface, so Jimmy turned on them. Ax beats up Bret to start. Bret avoids an elbow drop and starts fighting back. He decks Smash for good measure, then gets a reverse cradle on Ax for 2. Smash tags in and Bret hits him with a couple of arm drags. Tag to Neidhart, who continues working Smash’s arm. Ax catches Neidhart with a kick from the apron to let Demolition get the advantage. Neidhart gets beaten up until Hart tags in against Ax. Smash comes in and sends Hart into the turnbuckles. Demolition beats up Bret. Neidhart runs Jimmy Hart away, presumably because he’s as sick of that fucking megaphone as I am. Demolition punishes Bret’s shoulder. Bret manages to drop Ax with a clothesline and makes a hot tag that the referee didn’t see. Neidhart finally gets the proper hot tag and cleans house. Hart slingshots Neidhart outside onto Smash. Back inside, Neidhart hits a powerslam for 2. Hart tags in and whips Neidhart to smash Smash in the corner. Heh. Hart hits a backbreaker on Smash, but Ax saves. Neidhart beats him up, then beats up Mr. Fuji on the apron. Jimmy Hart runs back out and gives the megaphone to Ax, who nails Bret with it, allowing Smash to get the pin in 10:48. Good match.

BOXING MATCH! SUGAR RAY LEONARD VS. SOMEBODY! IT WILL BE A HAPPENING!

Mean Gene is in the heel locker room to interview the defeated Honky Tonk Man.

The Big Boss Man (w/ Slick) vs. Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie). Slick distracts Koko to allow Boss Man to jump him from behind. Koko fights back and lands a dropkick that gets Boss Man tied up in the ropes. Koko beats up a tied up Boss Man. When Boss Man escapes, he starts wailing on Koko. Boss Man with the Stinger Splash in the corner. Boss Man continues abusing Koko. Boss Man goes up and goes for a diving splash, but Koko avoids the worst of it. Koko avoids Boss Man in the corner and Boss Man crotches himself on the middle rope. Koko mounts his comeback, connecting with a missile dropkick that looks like it caught Boss Man in the face. Koko hits a big splash, but Boss Man throws him off of the cover. Boss Man hits the sidewalk slam for the pin in 5:57. Fun little match.

SURVIVOR SERIES! IT’S GONNA BE A HAPPENING!

Sean Mooney is in the babyface locker room to interview the NEW Intercontinental Champion, The Ultimate Warrior. Typically insane Warrior promo.

Hercules vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts. They do nothing. Jake goes for the snake bag, then Herc tries to jump him. They fight. Jake hits the knee lift and goes for the DDT, but Herc bails. Roberts works a side headlock. Herc backdrop suplexes him, but Jake holds on. Herc gets out of it and beats up Roberts. Herc works a rear chin lock. Herc hits a clothesline for 2. Herc goes back to the chin lock. They trade hammerlocks. Herc hits an elbow that sends Roberts out of the ring. Roberts pulls Herc to the outside and goes back in. Herc pulls Jake across the top rope. Back inside, Herc hammers Jake. Jake hits a jawbreaker to escape a rear chin lock. Roberts connects with some punches and a short range clothesline. Roberts goes for the DDT, but Herc backdrops him. Herc avoids the knee lift and hits a slam and an elbow drop for 2. Jake rallies and hits the DDT for the pin in 10:09. This was boring and went WAY too long. Jake puts the snake on Hercules.

They show the events leading up the Mega Powers/Mega Bucks match.

The Mega Bucks (Ted Dibiase & Andre the Giant) (w/ Bobby Heenan & Virgil) vs. The Mega Powers (WWF Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage & Hulk Hogan) (w/ Miss Elizabeth). Jesse Ventura is the referee. It’s gonna be a happening! Jesse moves the tag ropes around to different corners for some reason. Savage and Andre lock up. Andre mauls Savage. Quick tag to Dibiase. Dibiase wants Hogan. Savage tags out to Hogan. Hogan and Dibiase lock up. Dibiase rakes the eyes. Hogan blocks all of his punches and hits an atomic drop. The Mega Powers throw Dibiase back and forth, punching him. Savage shoves Ventura in the process. Mega Powers make some quick tags and work over Dibiase. Hogan tries to deck Andre and gets headbutted. Well, he deserved it. Savage comes in and Andre headbutts him too. Andre tags in and squashes Hogan and otherwise abuses him. Dibiase tags in and beats up Hogan too. Well, it does look like fun. Dibiase works a rear chin lock. Hogan fights out. Double clothesline spot. Hogan makes the tag to Savage. Savage drops Dibiase across the top rope, then hits the diving axe handle. Dibiase avoids Savage charging in the corner. Savage stays in control and hits a cross body for 2. Dibiase drops Savage with a clothesline and tags in Andre. Andre sits on Savage in the corner. That can’t be pleasant. Dibiase tags in and beats up Savage some more. Suplex gets 2. Savage avoids a falling elbow drop from the middle rope. Savage makes the tag to Hogan. Hogan beats up Dibiase. Hogan suplexes Dibiase, then decks Andre and drops him. Savage goes for the diving elbow on Andre, but Andre boots him in the face. Hogan puts Dibiase in a sleeper. Andre grabs him from behind, headbutts him, and throws him out of the ring. All of the corner people get on the apron. Liz takes her skirt off. HOT. Savage and Hogan make it back in and run wild. Hogan slams Dibiase. Savage hits the diving elbow drop. Hogan hits the leg drop. Jesse counts 1, 2, but doesn’t want to count the 3. Savage pushes his hand down for the 3 in 14:50. Fun match. Hogan and Savage pose.

There were some bad matches, but overall the show was a lot of fun. SummerSlam ’88 was quite a happening!

The referees carry a huge ass trophy to the ring. It will be presented to the winner of the Battle Royal.

Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers. They talk about what’s on tap for tonight. Bob Uecker is back, too.

Battle Royal featuring The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, The Young Stallions of Paul Roma & Jim Powers, Sika, Danny Davis, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair & Jim Brunzell, Bad News Brown, Sam Houston, The Rougeau Brothers of Jacques & Raymond, Ken Patera, Ron Bass, Junkyard Dog, The Bolsheviks of Nikolai Volkoff & Boris Zhukov, Hillbilly Jim, King Harley Race, and George “The Animal” Steele. Everybody brawls, except Steele, who is just wandering around at ringside. Sam Houston gets eliminated, followed quickly by Sika. Volkoff almost eliminates Brunzell, the one of the Rougeaus almost does too. Steele keeps fucking with Neidhart, and pulls him out of the ring over the top to eliminate him. Brunzell got eliminated somewhere in there. Raymond Rougeau and Brian Blair get eliminated in the same motion. JYD eliminates Bass. Zhukov and/or Hart eliminate Hillbilly Jim. Roma eliminates Davis. Somebody eliminates Jim Powers. Race and JYD trade headbutts. Volkoff, Patera, and Zhukov get eliminated in short order. Jacques gets eliminated. JYD eliminates Race. Brown eliminates Roma. Hart holds JYD for Brown, but JYD ducks and Hart gets hit. JYD does his headbutts on the ground. Hart and Brown double team JYD, then talk strategy. JYD fights them both, but he’s overcome by superior numbers. Hart and Brown bundle JYD out. They act like they’re going to split the win, then Brown drops Hart with a kick, kicks his ass, then throws him out to win it in 9:47. Hart, pissed that Brown double crossed him, dropkicks him out of the ring and smashes the trophy.

Howard Finkel explains tonight’s tournament for the vacant WWF Championship. He introduces Robin Leach from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous to read a scroll about it.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Ted Dibiase (w/ Andre the Giant & Virgil). They lock up. Dibiase backs Duggan into the corner and breaks clean. Repeat, but this time Dibiase tries a cheap shot and Duggan cuts him off. They trade punches. Duggan hits an atomic drop and sends Dibiase out of the ring in a hilarious bump. Dibiase goes on the offensive until Duggan drops him with a clothesline. Duggan punches Dibiase in the corner, then runs into Dibiase’s boot in the opposite corner. Dibiase goes to work. Duggan fights back, but Dibiase rakes his eyes. Duggan gets a sunset flip for 2. Dibiase catches Duggan with a knee to the middle, then a fist drop. Dibiase goes for a suplex, but Duggan reverses it. Dibiase comes off the middle rope and gets caught with a shot to the gut. Duggan gets rolling and goes for the three point clothesline, but Andre grabs his leg. Dibiase hits him from behind, then finishes him with a fist drop in 5:03. It was a fun little match.

WWE Championship Tournament – Round 1: Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) vs. “The Rock” Don Muraco (w/ “Superstar” Billy Graham). They lock up, break, lock up again. Bravo shoves Muraco into the corner and wails on him. Muraco comes back and hits a half assed Vader Bomb into an elbow drop. Bravo hits a couple of elbow drops, then a gutwrench suplex. Muraco fights back and works on Bravo’s leg some. Muraco works a spinning toe hold. Bravo kicks Muraco away and Muraco gets hung in the ropes. Bravo hits a piledriver, takes too long to cover, and only gets 2. Bravo goes for another one, but Muraco backdrops him. Double clothesline spot. Muraco makes a comeback, but accidentally kills the ref in the process. Bravo hits his side suplex and covers. The referee taps him on the back three times, so Bravo thinks he won. The ref was calling for the DQ. Muraco wins by DQ in 4:54 because Bravo pulled the referee in front of him. This match was lame and had a lame finish to boot.

Bob Uecker talks about Vanna White, who is around somewhere, then talks to The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart. Honky will be putting the Intercontinental Title against Brutus Beefcake tonight.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (w/ baby Richie Steamboat). Steamboat carrying his son to the ring will be something they show when Richie debuts on WWE TV in the future, I’m sure. They lock up, break, repeat. Lock up again and do some awesome stuff. Man, Steamboat has the most glorious arm drags ever. Steamboat moves fast. Valentine throws him over the top, but Steamboat skins the cat back in, dropkicks him, then fails at a crucifix. Valentine beats up Steamboat. Valentine goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands his feet and rams Valentine into the turnbuckles. Steamboat works on Valentine’s arm. Valentine hits an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline, then elbows Steamboat in the head. They show Donald Trump in the front row. Steamboat goes for a body slam, but Valentine lands on top for 2. Valentine hits a gut buster, then goes for the figure-four. Steamboat kicks him into the turnbuckle. They trade chops. Valentine finally falls down. Valentine hits a shoulder breaker for 2. Valentine goes for the figure-four again, but Steamboat cuts him off, then rams his head into the mat. Steamboat hits a diving chop, and Valentine takes a great delayed bump. Cover only gets 2. Steamboat rams Valentine’s head repeatedly into the turnbuckles, argues with the referee, then goes up top. Steamboat hits a diving cross body, but Valentine rolls through and gets the pin in 9:11. Good match.

Mean Gene interviews Koko B. Ware and The British Bulldogs, who have Matilda back after The Islanders and Bobby Heenan kidnapped her. They say Matilda has been trained to go after weasels. Heh.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: “The Natural” Butch Reed (w/ Slick) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth). Nothing happens, then they do a little bit. Reed slow beats up Savage. Savage fights back, but Reed reverses his suplex attempt. Reed hits an elbow drop for 2. Reed ponderously beats up Savage some more. Reed hits Savage with a clothesline, talks at Elizabeth, then goes up top. He spent too long fucking around. Savage throws him off the top, then hits the diving elbow for the pin in 4:08. It was fine when Savage was on offense, but unfortunately that was maybe 30 seconds of the match.

Uecker is backstage, still talking about Vanna White. He talks to Bobby Heenan, with the Islanders.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: The One Man Gang (w/ Slick) vs. Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Oliver Humperdink). Gang jumps Bigelow and lumbers around, beating him up. Bigelow hits a cartwheel splash for 2, then a cross body for 2. Bigelow keeps rolling. Bigelow hits a headbutt, then Slick low bridges him out of the ring. Bigelow makes it to the apron, but that really ugly ref counts him out at 3:00. Stupid.

Another shot of Trump in the front row. They show Slick screwing Bigelow again.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Jake Roberts. Rude cuts a promo, saying what’s under his robe is why “the odds are in [his] favorite.” They lock up as Damien wriggles around in the bag. Roberts rams Rude’s face into the mat. Rude slams Roberts, then hammers him. Repeat. Roberts slams Rude a couple of times. Rude ends up the corner with Damien and freaks out. Roberts cranks on Rude’s arm. Rude punches Roberts, but Roberts holds onto the wrist lock and grounds him. Roberts his a knee off the middle rope and goes for the DDT, but Rude bails. Heenan hugs him. Back inside, Roberts works on Rude’s arm some more. The run the ropes. Roberts slams Rude again and goes for the knee lift, but Rude avoids it and puts the boots to him. Rude hits a clothesline, swivels his hips, and hits an elbow drop for 2. Rude works a chin lock. Heenan distracts the referee to give Rude the chance to choke Roberts. Roberts finally works his way out of it. Rude hits a diving chop, then swivels his hips some more. Rude hits a clothesline for 2. Rude goes back to the chin lock. Rude flapjacks Roberts and goes up top to hit a diving punch for 2, covers for another 2, then goes back to the chin lock. Roberts backdrop suplexes him, but Rude keeps his old on, then covers for 2. Rude stomps Roberts in the ropes. I think I hear a “BORING!” chant developing. Rude works the chin lock again. This is boring. Roberts finally breaks out with a jawbreaker, then makes his comeback. Roberts hits a short range clothesline and goes for the DDT, but Rude runs him into the corner. Roberts catches a charging Rude with a knee, then hits a gutbuster for 2. Rude hits a backdrop suplex for 2. Double clothesline spot. Rude gets a 1 count. Rude goes for the Flair pin in the corner, but the bell rings after 2. It’s a 15:00 draw at 15:14. Roberts runs Rude and Heenan off with Damien. The match was good in the beginning and the end. The middle part where they were just stalling for time was boring.

Mean Gene and Vanna White are at the big fancy tournament bracket. Vanna gives her predictions for the second round.

Hercules (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. The Ultimate Warrior. Hercules tries a shoulder block, to no effect. Repeat. They stare at each other, then shove each other. They lock up and lumber around. Warrior backs Hercules into the corner. The ref makes them break and Herc gets a cheap shot in. They brawl. It’s bad. Hercules backdrops Warrior out of the ring. Warrior pulls Herc out and they brawl on the floor. Back inside, more horrible brawling. Warrior punches Herc in the corner. Herc brings him out with an inverted atomic drop. Herc avoids Warrior in the corner and locks in the full nelson. Warrior kicks off the turnbuckles, then lifts his shoulder and gets the pin in 4:37. Herc attacks Warrior after the match, then chokes him with his chain. Warrior gets the chain and swings it around to run Herc off. This sucked. All of it.

Gorilla and Jesse talk, then we get an Andre/Hogan history package.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: Andre the Giant (w/ Ted Dibiase & Virgil) vs. Hulk Hogan. Andre immediately goes on the attack. He clobbers Hogan with huge blows. Hogan fights back with forearms, then chokes DIbiase when he gets on the apron. Hogan knocks Andre and Dibiase’s heads together. Hogan chops Andre. Andre gets tangled up in the ropes. Hogan rips his shirt off and poses as Virgil and Dibiase free Andre. Stupid Hogan. Hogan knocks Andre down and hits 3 elbow drops for 2. Andre chokes Hogan. Andre chops Hogan, then clamps on a nerve hold. Hogan fights back, then signals for the slam. Virgil distracts the ref while Dibiase sneaks in and hits Hogan with a chair. Hogan hits Andre with the chair IN FULL VIEW of the referee, who does NOTHING. Andre hits Hogan with the chair, and the ref calls for the double DQ in 5:22. This actively sucked. Hogan chases Dibiase up the aisle. Dibiase throws Virgil to Hogan. Hogan suplex Virgil in the aisle. Hogan comes back to the ring and body slams Andre. Hogan does his posing routine.

Mean Gene interviews Randy Savage and Elizabeth.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: “The Rock” Don Muraco (w/ “Superstar” Billy Graham) vs. Ted Dibiase. Dibiase doesn’t want to get in the ring. Muraco brings him in the hard way. Muraco hits a powerslam for 2. Muraco hits a diving fist or chop for 2. Muraco hits the Throwback, and generally continues beating up Dibiase. Dibiase finally manages to defensively slingshot Muraco into the turnbuckles, then puts the boots to him. Dibiase gets the heat on Muraco. Except this crowd isn’t heated AT ALL. Muraco avoids a falling elbow drop from the middle rope and makes his comeback. Dibiase hot shots Muraco into the top rope for the pin in 5:36. Fine little match.

Bob Uecker talks to Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji).

The One Man Gang and Slick are in the ring for Finkel’s announcement that Gang receives a BYE in this round because of the draw between Rude and Roberts.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth). They lock up. Valentine hammers Savage. Savage fights back and hits a knee drop for 2. Valentine beats up Savage some more. Elbow drop gets 2. Valentine hits a shoulder breaker for 2. Valentine throws Savage out of the ring, then hits him with an elbow to the back of the head from the apron. Valentine hits Savage with some chops. Valentine continues to beat up Savage. He goes for the figure-four, but Savage holds into the ropes. Valentine hits a suplex for 2. Savage starts fighting back and actually gets a small reaction from the crowd. Savage slams Valentine, then hits a diving double axe handle. Hart jumps on the apron to stop the count. Savage lunges for him. Valentine gets the offensive on Savage again, but Savage reverses a suplex attempt, then goes up and goes for another axe handle. Valentine catches him with a blow to the middle. Hart helps Valentine avoids a charging Savage in the ropes. Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Savage turns it into an inside cradle for the pin in 6:07. Good little match.

Mean Gene and Vanna White go over the brackets at the end of the second round. Vanna still doesn’t know who Uecker is.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Honky Tonk Man (c) (w/ Jimmy Hart & Peggy Sue) vs. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. They lock up. Beefcake catches Honky’s foot, teases a punch, then hits an atomic drop. Beefcake messes up Honky’s hair, so Honky bails. Beefcake rams Honky’s head into the turnbuckles repeatedly. He keeps doing a scissors motion with his fingers, I guess because he wants to cut Honky’s hair. Beefcake hits a high knee and Honky bails again. Beefcake pulls him back in and beats him up. Honky avoids an elbow drop and puts the boots to Brutus. Honky beats up Brutus. Hart chokes Beefcake behind the referee’s back. Honky grabs a front face lock, but decides to beat him up some more instead of going for his move. Then he actually goes for the Shake, Rattle, & Roll, but Beefcake holds onto the ropes to avoid it and makes his comeback. Beefcake locks in the sleeper hold. Jimmy gets on the apron and nails the referee with the megaphone. Beefcake puts Honky to sleep and thinks he won, then notices the referee is also sleeping. Beefcake goes for his bag of barber equipment, but Hart gets it and tries to escape under the ring. Beefcake drags him out and cuts some of Hart’s hair off. Peggy Sue tries to wake Honky while some more referees try to wake the original referee. Peggy throws water on Honky to wake him up. Beefcake comes in with his shears, but referees hold him back. Beefcake is announces as the winner by DQ in about 9 minutes (no bell). Fun match.

The Islanders & Bobby Heenan vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Matilda) & Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie). Second missed bell in a row. Is the time keeper in the toilet or something? Dynamite schools Tama to start. Davey Boy and Haku tag in. Davey Boy hits a cross body for 2, then a body slam for 2. Davey Boy gets a crucifix hold for 2. Tama tags in and gets press slammed. Haku tags in and beats up Smith. Koko tags in and dropkicks Haku, then does an awesome headlock/leg scissors to the Islanders. Haku beats up Dynamite, who tags in Heenan, wearing his silly dog proof suit. Heenan puts the boots to Dynamite. As soon as Dynamite responds, Heenan tags in Tama. Tama slams Dynamite and goes for a Vader Bomb, but Dynamite gets his knees up. Koko tags in and runs wild on the Islanders. The Islanders get some heat on Koko, then tag in Heenan to get his licks in again. Whatever letters are on the back of Koko’s tights are blurred out. I think it’s “WWF.” Koko whips Heenan into the turnbuckles, then dropkicks him. The Islanders jump Koko and a clusterfuck ensues. The Islanders slam Heenan on top of Koko for the pin in about 7 minutes. Good little match. Dynamite headbutts the Islanders, which is always a stupid move. Davey Boy sicks Matilda on Heenan afterwards.

Finkel introduces Jesse Ventura. It must have been in Jesse’s contract that he gets to pose at every WrestleMania.

Ted Dibiase is in the ring for Finkel’s announcement that he gets a BYE in the semifinals. Why do they feel the need to bring the guys out for these announcements?

WWF Championship Tournament – Semifinal: The One Man Gang (w/ Slick) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth). They lock up, with Gang overpowering Savage. Savage grabs Gang by the beard and “clotheslines” him across the top rope. Gang beats up Savage. Gang gets a couple of 2 counts. Gang slams Savage and goes for the splash, but Savage moves, avoids Gang in the corner, and makes a comeback. Savage knocks Gang out of the ring and hits a diving axe handle to the outside. Slick helps Gang get back in the ring. Savage tries to slam Gang, fails, and gets choked. Slick aggravates Elizabeth. Savage chokes Slick. Gang attacks Savage with Slick’s cane to cause the DQ in 4:12. This was bad. After the match, Savage hits a diving axe handle that causes Gang to squash Slick.

Flip over disc to continue! I shall!

Mean Gene and Vanna White and the brackets board again. Vanna leaves to go to ringside. Bob Uecker shows up just after she left.

Finkel introduces the celebrities for the main event: Robin Leach, who will present the championship belt to the winner and guest ring announcer Bob Uecker, who introduces guest timekeeper Vanna White.

WWF Championship Tournament – Final: Ted Dibiase (w/ Andre the Giant) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth). They lock up. Crowd is dead. Andre trips Savage behind the referee’s back. They trade hammerlocks. Savage hits a shoulder block, then Andre trips him again. Dibiase works over Savage. Savage blocks a sunset flip attempt and hits a clothesline for 2. Dibiase beats up Savage some more. Savage rallies. The crowd pops a little bit when he hits a move. Savage knocks Dibiase out of the ring and goes to the top, but Andre stands over Dibiase to protect him. Savage confers with Elizabeth, who leaves. Dibiase attacks Savage from behind and gives him a bunch of fist drops for 2. Elizabeth comes back out with Hulk Hogan in tow. Dibiase works a rear chin lock. He lets go when he sees Hogan. Hogan gets a chair and sits down in Macho’s corner. Dibiase continues to beat on Savage. Andre grabs Savage again and Hogan nails Andre. Savage tries to fight back against Dibiase, but can’t get rolling. Dibiase hits a suplex for 2. Dibiase hits a gutwrench suplex for 2. Dibiase goes up top, but Savage throws him off, then goes for the diving elbow drop, but Dibiase moves out of his way. Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream. Andre distracts the referee. Hogan sneaks in and hits Dibiase with the chair. Savage hits the diving elbow drop for the pin in 9:18. Okay match, but I’m sure they had a lot of matches that were way better than this. This was mostly storyline, which is fine, I guess. Savage, Liz, and Hogan celebrate.

Fun show. This was one of the few old school tapes that one of my local video stores had when I first became a fan, so it’s a sentimental favorite of mine.

Howard Finkel counts down the seconds until the show starts. I was finally able to find the original PPV broadcast of this show.

Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are our hosts, LIVE from Richfield, Ohio on Thanksgiving Day, 1987!

PPV open.

Gorilla and Jesse talk about what’s going on TONIGHT, then explain the rules of the Survivor Series matches.

Craig DeGeorge interviews the Honky Tonk Man, with his team.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews “Macho Man” Randy Savage’s team.

Elimination Match: WWF Intercontinental Champion The Honky Tonk Man, Harley Race, Hercules, Ron Bass, & Danny Davis (w/ Bobby Heenan & Jimmy Hart) vs. Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth), Ricky Steamboat, Brutus Beefcake, Jake Roberts, & “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Beefcake and Hercules start. They get the crowd riled up. Hercules hammers Beefcake. Beefcake leapfrogs him and locks in a sleeper. Hercules tags in Davis. Beefcake hip tosses Hercules, Davis, and Bass, then slaps Bass and tags in Roberts. Robert and Savage both have their turns with Davis, then Steamboat tags in and rules him for a minute, then gets caught with a shot by Davis. Race tags in and beats up Steamboat. Steamboat hits a diving chop. They trade blows. Race throws Steamboat over the top rope, but Steamboat skins the cat back in. Repeat on the opposite side, then Steamboat throws Race out of the ring. Race comes back in and hits a belly to belly suplex on Steamboat for 2. Steamboat tags in Duggan. Duggan clotheslines Race out of the ring, then beats him up on the outside. Duggan and Race both get counted out in 4:32. The rest of the guys separate them. Bass and Roberts go at it in the ring. Savage tags in and beats up Bass. Savage decks Honky, then get clotheslined by Bass. Honky tags in to get his licks up, but Savage kicks his ass. Bass tags back in against Savage. Beefcake tags in and hits Bass with a high knee for the pin in 7:01. Hercules and Honky take turns working over Beefcake, mainly with long, long hammerlocks. Beefcake hits an atomic drop on Honky and makes a comeback on him. Davis knees Beefcake in the back from the apron, which allows Honky to hit the Shake, Rattle, and Roll for the pin in 10:51. Hercules beats up Savage. Davis tags in and Savage owns him. Honky tags in. Savage nails him with an elbow and tags in Roberts. The bad guys beat up on Roberts. Crowd chants “DDT!” Roberts hulks up on Danny Davis. Roberts hits the DDT on Davis for the pin in 15:10. Hercules immediately jumps Roberts. Roberts plays face in peril for a little while. Steamboat finally gets the hot tag and runs wild. Savage tags in and makes good on Steamboat’s handy work, hitting the diving elbow on Hercules for the pin in 21:04. Savage beats up Honky. Honky fights back and hammers him. Steamboat tags in and beats up on Honky, then Roberts has his turn. The video gets a little fuzzy from the ancient VHS source material. Savage tags in to beat up Honky some more. An atomic drop sends Honky out of the ring. Honky leaves and takes the count out in 23:41. Savage, Steamboat, and Roberts survive. It was alright, but boring in some places.

Craig DeGeorge interviews Andre the Giant’s team.

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Elimination Match: WWF Women’s Champion Sensational Sherri, WWF Women’s Tag Team Champions The Glamour Girls (w/ Jimmy Hart), Dawn Marie, & Donna Christianello vs. The Fabulous Moolah, Velvet McIntyre, Rockin’ Robin, & The Jumping Bomb Angels. For the record, that isn’t the same Dawn Marie that was in ECW/WWE in the late 90s/early 2000s. Sherri jumps Velvet to start. Velvet his a cross body for 2. Tag to Moolah, who snapmares Sherri around. Tag to Donna Christianello. Tag to one of the Jumping Bomb Angels. I have no idea which one is which. Velvet comes back in and beats up Donna. Velvet pins Donna with a victory roll in 1:57. Leilani Kai comes in against Velvet. Velvet gets the better of her and tags in Robin. Robin gets backed into the heel corner. The heels take turns working her over. Robin pins Dawn Marie in 4:10 with a cross body. One of the Glamour Girls and one of the Angels go at it. Awesome stuff from the Itsuki Yamazaki (thank you, Gorilla). Tateno tags in and hits an awesome arm drag on Kai. Tateno is awesome against Sherri. Butterfly suplex gets 2. Rockin’ Robin tags in and goes at it with Sherri. The heels take turns working over Robin. Sherri hits a suplex for the pin at 6:54. Yamazaki comes back in against Sherri. Martin tags in and throws her across the ring by her hair. Velvet hits a cross body on Martin for 2. Kai tags in and gets catapulted across the ring by Velvet. Moolah tags in and monkey flips Kai, then further abuses her. Martin tags in and gets abused as well. Tateno (I think) tags in again and runs wild for a second, then fails a dropkick and gets beaten up by Leilani Kai. Sherri tags in and beats her up. Itsuki and one of the Glamour Girls tags in. For a second. Moolah tags in and beats up… I THINK that’s Leilani Kai. Martin tags in and clotheslines Moolah for the pin in 10:53. The remaining faces take turns working over Judy Martin. Velvet locks her in a crab hold, transitions it into something of a half assed Muta Lock, then turns it into a bow & arrow. Sherri tags in and gets the advantage on Velvet. She fucks up a gutwrench suplex, then tags in… Kai. Itsuki tags in and almost gets pinned (they even ring the bell by mistake), but she bridges out. Velvet and Sherri are back in now. Velvet gives her a big swing. Velvet pins Sherri with a victory roll in 14:55. Martin tags in and attacks Velvet. Itsuki tags in and is awesome. She fails to slam Martin. Tateno tags in and can’t butterfly suplex Martin. Ah, she gets it on the second try. Cover gets 2. Kai tags in and mimmicks intercourse with Tateno. Velvet and Kai in now. Velvet gets a 2 count off of another victory roll. She tries again, but Kai turns it into an electric chair drop for the pin in 11:22. The Angels stereo slam the Glamour Girls, then Tateno catapults one onto the other. Kai slams Tateno, then misses a diving splash. Itsuki tags in and hits a diving cross body on Kai for the pin in 18:37. Martin, the only woman left on her team, beats up Itsuki. Tateno tags in. Itsuki slams Martin. Tateno hits a diving knee. The Angels double team Martin. Itsuki dropkicks Jimmy Hat off the apron. Tateno hits a diving clothesline on Martin for the pin in 20:16. The Jumping Bomb Angels survive. Given the current standards of women’s wrestling in WWE… this was awesome. WWE needs a Japanase girl tag team NOW.

Tag Team Elimination Match: The Hart Foundation (w/ Jimmy Hart), Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji), The Bolsheviks (w/ Slick), The New Dream Team (w/ Johnny Valiant), & The Islanders (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. WWF Tag Team Champions Strike Force, The British Bulldogs (w/ Matilda), The Young Stallions, The Rougeau Brothers, & The Killer Bees. This is literally a tag team elimination match, in that when one member of a tag team is beaten, both are eliminated. Martel and Volkoff start. There’s a lot of dudes on the apron. Martel gets a reverse cradle for 2. Volkoff over powers him. Zhukov tags in, misses an elbow, and almost gets pinned off of a cross body. Santana tags in and covers Zhukov for 2. Tito hits the flying forearm for the pin 1:45. The Bolsheviks are gone! Ax attacks Santana. Santana avoids an elbow and tags in Jacques Rougeau. He dropkicks Ax. Dino Brave tags in and gets dropkicked too. The babyfaces make several quick tags. Haku and Dynamite clubber each other, which is awesome for a second. The Killer Bees work over Haku. Neidhart tags in. Paul Roma works Neidhart’s leg. Neidhart slams him and tax in Smash. Demolition beats up Roma. Haku tags in and beats him up too, since it looks so fun. Tama and Roma trade blows. Jim Powers tags in and gets beaten up too. Jacques tags in and runs wild for a second, then gets pinned by Ax at 5:50. Man, this match moves fast. The heels work over Powers. Roma tags in and gets beaten up too. He fights back, then eats a Demolition boot. Greg Valentine tags in and hits a shoulder breaker on Roma for 2. Valentine hits a suplex for 2. Bravo tags in and hits a gutwrench suplex and a leg drop for 2. Smash and Blair go at it. Dynamite comes in and drops Smash with a clothesline for 2. The heel team beats up Dynamite in their corner. Demolition gets DQ’d for referee violence in 9:12. Bret Hart hits a piledriver on Dynamite for 2. Dynamite avoids Hart in the corner and tags in Powers. Tama tags in. Powers kicks his ass, then gets dropped with a clothesline. Powers avoids a Vader Bomb and tags in Martel. Martel runs wild on Tama. Martel locks in the Boston crab in the heel corner. Stupid. Neidhart tags in and kicks his ass. Martel catches him with a boot and tags in Santana. Tito hits the flying forearm, but Hart breaks the cover with a blow to Santana’s head. Neidhart pins Santana at 12:06. Powers misses a dropkick against Neidhart. The heels work over Powers. Powers manages to reverse a suplex by Valentine, but Valentine hits a drop toe hold into the heel corner to make sure the punishment continues. Hart hits a suplex on Powers for 2. Powers manages to tag in Roma. He gets worked over too. Valentine hits a clubbing blow off the top rope for 2. Powers tags back in. Hart tags in. Powers avoids a dropkick and tags in Dynamite. Dynamite hits a backdrop suplex for 2. Roma tags in. Hart avoids an elbow and tags in Haku. Blair tags in and backdrops Haku. Haku gets beaten up in the face corner. Tag to Davey Boy, then a quick tag to Powers. Neidhart tags in and clubbers Powers. Davey Boy and Bret tag in and go at it. Davey Boy press slams Bret for 2. Haku tags in. Davey Boy hits the running powerslam for 2. Dynamite tags in. Davey Boy hits a suplex, then Dynamite hits a diving headbutt. You NEVER HEADBUTT A SAMOAN. Haku hits a thrust kick on Dynamite for the pin in 19:58. Roma goes after Haku. Bravo tags in, fails an elbow, and Powers tags in. He fails a monkey flip and tags an atomic drop. The heels work over Powers. Bret ties him to the tree of woe. Roma and the Bees try to save, but the referee stops them. Powers gets worked over some more. Valentine tries the figure-four leglock on Powers, but Powers kicks him away and tags in Roma. Roma hits a diving sunset slip on Valentine for the pin in 23:39. The Bees work over Anvil. Brunzell hits a high knee for 2. The babyfaces work over Bret Hart. Hart turns the tide on Roma and tags in Tama. The Islanders double team Roma. Roma avoids a leg drop from Haku and tags in Brunzell. Brunzell runs wild on Haku, who tags in Hart. Roma tags in and hits a diving fist drop on Bret for 2. Hart excellently executes Roma. Tag to Tama, who gouges at Roma’s face. Haku tags in and the Islanders hit a double headbutt on Roma. Roma kicks out. Proof that wrestling is fake! Nobody could kick out of a double Samoan headbutt! Heels work over Roma. Neidhart hits a powerslam for 2. Brunzell tags in and runs wild on Hart. One of the Islanders dropkicks Hart onto Brunzell, but Brunzell rolls through for the pin in 30:28. The Islanders work over Brunzell. Brunzell manages to sunset flip Haku for 2, then gets beaten up some more. Brunzell catches Haku with a knee, then tags in Powers. Powers runs wild on Haku. Roma tags in and powerslams Haku, but Tama saves. The Islanders stomp Roma behind the referee’s back. Blair tags in and gets beaten up too. Brunzell gets the tag and runs wild on both Islanders. Dropkick on Tama gets 2, as Haku saves. Shenanigans ensue. The Bees put their masks on. Blair pins Tama with a springboard sunset flip for the pin in 37:15. The Young Stallions and The Killer Bees survive. This was really fun.

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Gorilla and Jesse wonder how “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase spends his Thanksgiving. We get a video of Dibiase talking in his car, then some examples of him making people do stuff for money. Man, this stuff got mega heat. Poor Shawn. Dibiase is now in his study, with Virgil standing guard. More examples of Dibiase degrading people. Dibiase is being served a big meal. They show the young man who would grow up to be ROB VAN DAM kissing Dibiase’s feet! Dibiase even paid off a guy to shut down a public pool. That dick. Great stuff.

Gorilla and Jesse talk about everything that’s gone down tonight.

Craig DeGeorge is in the arena to interview The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart. Honky talks about being unbeatable, etc.

After lots of fucking around, it’s time for the main event. The heel team make their entrance, then Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan’s team. They talk about burning the building down because they’re hungry.

Elimination Match: Andre the Giant, Rick Rude, King Kong Bundy, Butch Reed, & The One Man Gang (w/ Bobby Heenan & Slick) vs. WWF Champion Hulk Hogan, Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Sir Oliver Humperdink), Ken Patera, Don Muraco, & Paul Orndorff. Muraco and Rude start. They lock up and trade blows. Orndorff tags in and beats up Rude. He rams Rude into Hogan’s boot, then tags in Hogan. Hogan hits the Axe Bomber and a few elbow drops, then tags in Bigelow. Hogan slams Rude and Bigelow hits a big splash. Bigelow press slams Rude. Patera and Reed tag in. Patera gets a half assed inside cradle for 2. Muraco tags in and dropkicks Reed, then rams him into Orndorff’s boot. Orndorff tags in, beats up Reed, cheap shots Bundy, and rams Reed into Hogan’s boot. Hogan tags in and hits the leg drop on Reed for the pin in 3:08. Andre and Hogan go face to face. Hogan had accidentally tagged in Patera when he was celebrating the pin over Reed. Andre tags Bundy in. Patera runs wild on Bundy, then tags in Orndorff. One Man Gang tags in . Orndorff kicks his ass briefly. Gang gets the advantage and tags in Rude. Orndorff slams Rude, then hits an elbow drop for 2. Muraco tags in and clotheslines Rude. Gang tags in and beats up Muraco. Muraco tags out to Patera, who hits a cross body on Gang for 2. The heels work over Patera. Gang clotheslines Patera for the pin in 8:48. Hogan comes in and beats up Gang. Bigelow tags in. He and Hogan hit a double big boot on Gang. Bigelow and Gang knock each other down with shoulder blocks. Orndorff and Rude tag in and go at it. Orndorff hits the elbow drop that Steve Austin stole, then backdrops Rude. Bundy cheap shots Orndorff, allowing Rude to schoolboy him for the pin in 10:26. The faces take turn having their way with Rude. Muraco hits a powerslam on Rude for the pin in 11:14. Muraco avoids a knee drop from Bundy and works over Bundy’s leg. Gang tags in and beats up Muraco. Muraco fails at slamming Gang and almost gets pinned. Andre nails Muraco and Gang pins him with a splash in 12:58. Bigelow tries a sunset flip on Gang, but gets squashed. Bundy tags in and turns Bigelow inside out with a clothesline. Cover gets 2, as Hogan saves. Andre tags in and swings at Bigelow, but Bigelow ducks and tags in Hogan. Hogan and Andre go at it. Hogan knocks Bundy and Gang off the apron. Bundy trips Hogan and pulls him outside. Hogan fights with Bundy and Gang outside and gets counted out in 16:01. Hogan doesn’t want to leave, but the referees make him under threat of DQing Bigelow. Bigelow is all alone against Andre, Bundy, and Gang. Bigelow takes the fight to Bundy. Bigelow avoids the Avalanche and hits a springboard splash for the pin in 18:35. Gang beats up Bigelow. Bigelow avoids a diving splash and pins Gang in 20:56. Andre attacks Bigelow. Bigelow rolls around to avoid Andre. Andre lets Bigelow ram himself into the corner, then headbutts him in the back. Andre hits a butterfly suplex for the pin in 22:12. Hogan runs back out and hits Andre with the title belt, just because he’s a sore loser. The match was pretty fun. Hogan does his posing routine.

Vince McMahon is in the ring to welcome us to the Pontiac Silverdome for WrestleMania III. Then, he introduces Aretha Franklin to sing America the Beautiful.

The announcers, Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura, talk to special guests Mary Hart and Bob Uecker, then throw it to ring announcer, Howard Finkel for the first match.

The Can-Am Connection vs. “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr. & Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji). Muraco and Martel start. Man, there are a lot of people in the Pontiac Silverdome. Zenk tags in and they double team both opponents. Orton and Zenk go at it. Zenk slams Orton. Orton stumbles into the wrong corner and gets decked. They reverse each others’ full nelsons. Muraco accidentally decks Orton. Zenk covers for 2. Martel tags in and works Orton’s arm. Zenk and Muraco tag in. The heels start to get heat on Zenk for a minute. Martel tags in and runs wild. Clusterfuck ensues. The Can-Ams whip the heels into each other and Muraco backdrops Orton. Orton gets sent out of the ring. Martel hits a cross body on Muraco for the pin in 5:37. It was fine.

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules Hernandez (w/ Bobby Heenan). They’re feuding over who the master of the full nelson is. They lock up and go at it. Haynes press slams Hercules. He goes for the full nelson, but Hercules scampers to the ropes. Haynes punches Hercules. Hercules DROPS him with a lariat. Hercules back body drops Haynes and punishes his back in other ways, such as whipping him into the turnbuckles and suplexing him. Hercules covers off the suplex, then lets Haynes up. Haynes fights back, but Hercules clobbers his back. Hercules continues to punish Haynes’ back. Hercules goes for the full nelson, but can’t get his fingers locked. Haynes hulks up and breaks the hold, but Hercules hits him in the back of the head. Double clothesline spot. Haynes hits an inverted atomic drop, a clothesline, some more blows, another clothesline, and a leg drop. Haynes his a diving fist drop. Haynes locks in the full nelson. They go out together through the ropes and Haynes locks the full nelson in on the outside. Double count-out in 7:53. It was fine. Heenan cheap shots Haynes. Haynes chases him around the ring. Hercules hits Haynes with his chain repeatedly and busts him open, then puts him in the full nelson for good measure.

Mean Gene interviews King Kong Bundy and his midgets.

Bob Uecker has joined Heenan and Ventura for commentary.

Mean Gene interviews Hillbilly Jim and his midgets.

King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo, & Lord Littlebrook vs. Hillbilly Jim, Little Beaver, & The Haiti Kid. They edit out “Don’t Go Messin’ With A Country Boy,” which is akin to blasphemy. Haiti and Tokyo start. Midget wrestling! All four midgets run the ropes. The heel midgets collide. The face midgets do the row the boat bit with their legs. Beaver smacks Tokyo silly, so Tokyo tags in Littlebrook. Beaver hits Bundy in the gut, which pisses him off. Bundy tags in. Beaver dropkicks him to no effect, then tags in Hillbilly Jim. Jim clotheslines Bundy, then drops an elbow. Jim and the midgets cover for 2. Beaver comes in and smacks Bundy with an object. Bundy avalanches Jim. Bundy finally has enough of his shit and body slams Little Beaver, then drops an elbow on him. The referee DQs Bundy in 4:22. No fair! That midget was starting shit. The four midgets and Jim chase Bundy off. Poor Bundy. The midget had it coming.

Loser Must Bow To The Winner: King Harley Race (w/ Bobby Heenan & WWF Women’s Champion The Fabulous Moolah) vs. Junkyard Dog. They brawl. Race throws JYD out of the ring and tries a headbutt off the apron, but JYD avoids it! JYD beats up Race. JYD avoids another headbutt. JYD whips Race into the corner. Race Flair flips out of the ring. Heenan distracts JYD, allowing Race to hit a belly to belly suplex for the pin in 3:22. This sucked. JYD bows, then hits Race with a chair. JYD steals Race’s robe.

The Rougeau Brothers are introduces, then we get a Dream Team interview before their entrance.

The Rougeau Brothers vs. The Dream Team (w/ Johnny Valiant & Dino Bravo). Raymond and Beefcake start. Atomic drop and a tag to Jacques. Double dropkick to Beefcake. Valentine tags in and hammers Jacques. Tag to Raymond, who hits a cross body for 2. Jacques gets back in. Valentine avoids a cross body and hammers him, too. Tag to Valentine, who drops a knee on Jacques for 2. Tag to Valentine, and some double teaming by the Dream Team. Bobby Heenan comes into the broadcast booth. Valentine locks Jacques in the figure-four leglock. Valentine goes for a sunset flip, but Jacques punches him and tags in Raymond. Raymond locks Valentine in a sleeper. Beefcake tries to save and accidentally hits Valentine. Rougeaus hit a Doomsday leg lariat on Valentine and Raymond gets a jackknife cradle. With the referee distracted, Bravo comes in and hits Raymond. Valentine pins Raymond in 4:04. It was alright. Valiant, Valentine, and Bravo leave without Beefcake.

Adonis/Piper video package.

Adonis makes his entrance, then they show a pre-taped interview with Adonis and Jimmy Hart.

Hair vs. Hair, Roddy Piper Retirement Match: Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Roddy Piper. They brawl. Piper whips Adonis with his belt, then chokes Jimmy Hart with it. Adonis hits Piper from behind, then whips Piper with the belt. Piper whips Adonis into the corner. Flair flip. Piper pulls Adonis back in, and Hart along with him. Piper knocks their heads together, then throws Hart into Adonis and sends them both tumbling out of the ring. Piper pulls Adonis back in, beats him up, then launches Hart off the top rope into Adonis. Hart trips Piper behind the referee’s back. Adonis rakes Piper’s chest. Ouch. Adonis uses his amble bulk to knock Piper down, then scrapes at him some more. They go outside. Adonis rams Piper into the timekeeper’s table. Hart hits Piper. Adonis hammers Piper back in the ring. Piper fights back. Hart sprays perfume in Piper’s eyes. Adonis locks Piper in the sleeper hold. Adonis lets it go before the referee can check the arm the last time. Brutus Beefcake comes in and shakes Piper awake. Piper decks Jimmy Hart, ducks a shot from Adonis with the big shears he brought to the ring, and locks Adonis in the sleeper for the win in 6:55. It was decent. Beefcake cuts Adonis’ hair as Piper roughs up Jimmy Hart. Piper holds up the mirror so Adonis can see himself. Adonis punches the mirror and runs after Piper, but fails. So this is Piper’s first retirement, and Beefcake’s face turn and the beginning the Barber gimmick. A fan runs in and hugs Piper and shakes his hand before security tackles him and takes him away. Piper rides off into the sunset.

Gorilla talks to Mary Hart and Bob Uecker. Howard Finkel randomly introduces Jesse Ventura to the live audience. Random. Ventura buddies it up with the Hart Foundation.

Pre-taped interview with Mean Gene interviewing Jimmy Hart for the Hart Foundation and Danny Davis. Davis was a crooked referee who screwed the Bulldogs and Tito Santana. He was suspended for “life plus 10 years” as a referee.

WWF Tag Team Champions The Hart Foundation & Danny Davis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The British Bulldogs & Tito Santana (w/ Matilda). Before the match, Santana whips the Harts into each other, then Davey Boy press slams Davis out of the ring and onto them. Tito starts with Bret Hart. Ventura carries Matilda to the back. Davey Boy and Neidhart tag in and have a power match. Mary Hart clarifies that she has no relation to Jimmy Hart. Tito tags in and works Neidhart’s arm. Bret chokes Tito behind the referee’s back. Tito leapfrogs Neidhart and tags in Davey Boy, who backdrops Anvil. Hart tags in and goes for an elbow that Davey Boy avoids. Dynamite Kid tags in and whips Bret frontwards into the turnbuckle. Dynamite stumbles and hits a headbutt. Neidhart helps Bret get the advantage on Dynamite. Dynamite goes for the snap suplex, but Neidhart hits him in the back. Tito goes after Neidhart every time he interferes. Neidhart comes in and works over Dynamite. Harts hits a double team backbreaker/elbow drop on Dynamite. Davids tags in, puts the boots to Dynamite, and tags in Bret. Major heat for that one. Harts work over Dynamite. “We’re going to have to rename Dynamite “Firecracker” if he doesn’t shape up here.” says Mary Hart. Davis tags in again and gets his licks in, then tags back out. Harts slingshot Davis into a splash, but Dynamite gets his knees up. Hot tag to Tito Santana, who runs wild on Davis, decks the Harts, and beats up Davis some more. Santana goes for the figure-four, but Neidhart decks him to prevent it. Davey Boy tags in and beats up Davis. Davey Boy tombstones Davis, years before it meant anything, then hits the stalling suplex, then the running powerslam. He covers, but Neidhart saves. Tito gives him the flying jalapeno. Clusterfuck ensues. Davis whacks Davey Boy with Jimmy’s megaphone for the pin in 8:52. This was kind of excellent.

Mean Gene interviews Andre the Giant and Bobby Heenan.

“The Natural” Butch Reed (w/ Slick) vs. Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie). Ventura is back on commentary now. They fuck off for a while, then lock up. Reed takes the early advantage. Ware tries a reverse cradle, fails, but dropkicks Reed out of the ring. Ware tries to get some offense going, but Reed hits him in the back of his head and rattles his brains. Frankie tries to peck the camera lens. Gorilla says Frankie realizes Koko is in trouble. Ware hip tosses Reed and hits some punches and a dropkick. Ware gets an inside cradle for 2. Koko hits a cross body, but Reed rolls through and hooks the tights for the pin in 3:39. Koko nails Reed. Slick attacks Koko with his cane. Tito Santana comes out and rips Slick’s $3 suit off. Koko and Tito hit a double dropkick on Reed. Meh.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Ricky Steamboat (w/ George “The Animal” Steele). They feel each other out a bit. Savage bails to lead Elizabeth to another corner because Steele was too close to her. Steamboat with a pair of his gorgeous arm drags and a double hand lifting choke (think a choke bomb without the bomb). Savage attacks Steamboat’s arm, then slings him off the ropes and covers for 2. Steamboat works on Savage’s arm. Savage elbows Steamboat in the face. Ouch. Savage throws Steamboat out of the ring. Savage pulls Steamboat to the apron by his hair, then hits him in the throat. See, that’s how this feud started. Savage put Steamboat out for a while by hitting him in the throat with the ring bell, I think. Steamboat fights back. Savage gets tied up in the ropes. Steamboat beats on him. Savage escapes. Steamboat hits a cross body for 2. Another gorgeous arm drag, and a shoulder block for 2. Savage knees Steamboat in the back. Savage throws Steamboat out, but Steamboat skins the cat back in. Savage clotheslines Steamboat out of the ring. Steele tries to help him up, then recoils like a scolded child when the referee admonishes him. Savage hits Steamboat from behind and sends him over the barricade. Steele picks Steamboat up and puts him back in the ring. Savage sends Steamboat out again and hits a double axe handle to the floor. Back inside, Savage hits another double axe handle for 2. Savage pulls Steamboat’s throat across the top rope for 2. Atomic drop for 2. Vertical suplex gets 2. Steamboat fights back, but Savage hits a gutwrench suplex for 2. Steamboat backdrops Savage out of the ring. Ventura calls for a DQ, but the WWF never had that stupid rule. Steamboat hits a diving karate chop for what looks like a 3 count, but Savage got his foot on the rope. Steamboat drops him again in the middle of the ring for 2. Steamboat gets a sunset flip for 2. Steamboat gets a schoolboy for 2. Steamboat gets a jackknife hold for 2. Steamboat gets an inside cradle for 2. This is getting awesome. Steamboat catapults Savage into the corner and sunset flips him again for 2. Steamboat gets a reverse cradle for 2, then Savage reverses it for 2. Savage sends Steamboat into the referee. Man, those referees are fragile. Savage hits the diving elbow drop for a phantom 3 count, but there’s no referee. Savage takes the ring bell from the timekeeper. Steele snatches it away from him. Savage kicks him in the head and goes up top with the bell, but the Steele pushes him off. Savage picks up Steamboat, but Steamboat gets him with an inside cradle for the pin in about 14:42 (the bell was in the ring, so couldn’t be rung). One of the most famous matches in WWE history, and while on previous viewings I didn’t think it lived up to the hype, but this time I was really into it and thought it was awesome.

Mean Gene interviews Jake Roberts and Alice Cooper. They make their entrance, then we get a pre-taped interview with The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart.

Jake “The Snake” Roberts (w/ Alice Cooper) vs. The Honky Tonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart). Roberts jumps Honky before the bell and kicks his ass and rips his jump suit off. Honky gets the advantage and beats up on Roberts. Roberts drops him with a short range lariat. The snow the snake moving around in the bag. Honky bails for unrelated reasons. Roberts follows him and gets into into the post, then stumbles into the barricade. Roberts makes it back to the apron with Cooper’s help, and Honky takes a break from dancing to knock Roberts into the barricade again. Roberts finally makes it back inside. Honky slams him and hits a first drop off the second rope. Honky beats up Roberts. Honky sets up his finish, but Roberts backdrops him. Honky punches Roberts in the corner. Roberts gives him an inverted atomic drop. Roberts makes his comeback and goes for the DDT, but Hart grabs his leg. Honky schoolboys Roberts and grabs the ropes for the pin in 7:05. It was fine. Roberts swings Honky’s guitar at him. Honky avoids it. Roberts smashes the guitar into the post. Honky runs away. Jake and Cooper introduce Jimmy Hart to Damien.

Howard Finkel introduces Mean Gene Okerlund, who announces the attendance at 93,173. The real number is around 78,000, which is plenty impressive, but wrestling promoters are devout liars, especially when it comes to attendance numbers.

The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, and Slick make their way to the ring. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan runs down with his 2×4 to stop Volkoff from singing the Soviet national anthem.

The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Slick) vs. The Killer Bees. Duggan marches back and forth at ringside. Volkoff and Sheik Pearl Harbor the Killer Beers to start the match. There’s a do si do spot, then the Killer Bees get the advantage. The Bees make quick tags and work over Sheiky. Volkoff and Sheik work over Brunzell. Brunzell hits Sheik with a knee and makes the lukewarm tag. The referee didn’t see it, so it’s a false tag. Brunzell continues playing face in peril. Duggan chases Volkoff and Slick around the ring. Sheik puts Brunzell in the camel clutch. Hacksaw chases Volkoff into the ring, then whacks Sheik with the 2×4 to cause the DQ in 5:43. Hacksaw cuts a lame, but patriotic promo, and gets the crowd to chant “USA!” Whatever. Replays. Double whatever.

Mean Gene interviews Andre and Heenan again.

Hogan/Andre video package. The highlight is Roddy Piper saying “You damn betcha I can!” I want to start saying that all the time.

Mean Gene interviews Hogan again. Man, his promos are whack. Did I just use the word “whack?” I’ve been watching so much 80s wrestling, my brain is starting to rot.

WWF Championship Match: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan). Epic staredown. “The irresistible force meeting the immovable object.” says Monsoon. They shove each other. Hogan punches Andre and tries to slam him, but fails, as Andre falls on top for 2. Andre attacks Hogan’s back. Andre slams Hogan. Hogan sells it like he’s having the hell beat out of him. Andre works over Hogan in the corner. Hogan sneaks out of the corner and makes his comeback with punches, elbows, and chops. Hogan ramps Andre’s face into the top turnbuckle. Hogan charges Andre and eats his boot. Andre bear hugs Hogan. Hogan FINALLY escapes and tries to get rolling again. Andre chops him down. Andre kicks Hogan out of the ring. Andre accidentally headbutts the post. Hogan pulls up a section of the floor mats and goes for a piledriver. Yeah, that’ll happen. Andre backdrops him out of it. Back inside, Hogan finally manages to knock Andre down with a shoulder block. Hogan slams Andre and hits the leg drop for the pin in 12:09. Not a good wrestling match, but it doesn’t matter, because this was all spectacle, and one of the most pivotal moments in WWE history. Hogan does his posing routine.

Monsoon and Ventura talk for a minute, then we get a slide show set to Aretha Franklin’s opening performance to close the show.

And so ends perhaps the most famous show in WWE history. It’s fun to watch, and much easier to sit through that some of the other older shows I’ve watched recently. Savage/Steamboat was, of course, match of the night by a huge margin.