Get ready for a longer message because I feel my current experience is different than some (most?)

Well as of now I am 15 , I am deeply deeply ingrained into my fudie baptist church in Utah (ironic right?) and about 2 weeks ago I thought "hey ill look up atheist arguments and disprove them to stengthen my faith!" Yaaa didn't really work out .... Since then I feel like I have been under extreme mental strain when I think of leaving the faith . One reason is my mom is also deeply ingrained into the church since about 3 years ago ( it's what brought her out of 10 years of alcoholism) , it seems so hard for me to even think bout leaving because that might set her on drinking again ( she's quite tempted when under lots of emotion) . And on top of that she would never let me live it down nor would the pastor ( I'm being discipled by him ) ! Another thing I think is contributing is i might be brainwashed in the real sense , I've read articals saying that a lot of times people under brainwashing of sorts can come out of it to a degree when quite tried . And guess when most my thoughts of leaving have been ? (Night for you slow people ) I've had quite a rough childhood and I have no Idea how to cope with how I am feeling right now I feel as though reality is starting to shatter and I may have to hold on to it till I'm on my own .

Extra Info: parents divorced i live with my dad he's atheist but he never talks about . He enjoys I go to church cause he know I'm A "good" kid cause of it .
Another reason it's hard is that I have friends I really care for there
Also my mom is in a Christian rehab called RU
I feel a lot of conflicting emotions right now . Also I feel my mom has quite the mental grip on me subcounsiously because she has always been able to guilt trip me essoecialy since she got sober
Also I got 5 year old half bro on her side
you guys think my brain has undergone the religious washing ?
Sorry of sperattic I'm not the best writer and my mind feels very unstable as I explained before
Any help appreciated or similar stories

Well, it sounds like you have no reason to not openly admit to being an atheist to your family. If your mother doesn't like it, well then she'll just have to fucking deal with it. You can not allow other people, anyone, it does not matter who they are, to tell you what to think.

Your situation is not uncommon. Quite a lot of atheists are de-converts who have had to struggle out of the pressure of their family, and even friends, and sometimes even everyone else that they only know, to think for themselves. And there are many more who are still shut-in, like you.

In fact, my situation isn't that different to yours; my family is a family of hardcore Jehovah's Witnesses; the only difference is that both of my parents are christian fanatics, and I have more younger siblings than you.

The best thing to do is come out and state what you really think to them, before they have an emotional control on your thoughts for too long. It's their problem if they don't like, they'll have to deal with it, not you.

Enjoy your life and your own mind while it's still yours.

"Humans always measure what they see in front of them to what they already know. They will deny anything outside of that. They are shallow lifeforms, so enthralled with superficial appearances that they fail to see the truth."

Man, you don't seem brainwashed at all! Your mental flexibility and honesty is remarkable. You were a believer, but when confronted with valid arguments and evidence you changed your mind immediately.
The really brainwashed people take years to come out of faith, sometimes decades, sometimes never. It gives them a really hard time, when they have doubts, they actually become more intense in their faith, to cover them. They become fundamentalists, a real unpleasant people.

Be careful however, your newly found reason is no reason to come out of the closet. If you think becoming an open atheist would hurt you and the people around you, don't do it. Wait it out, if you can. If you go to college, you might need the family support and good relationships. There is no rule in atheism that you have to be an outspoken atheist.
But you might be interested in this book. The author, David McAfee became an atheist also in the age of 15. http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Dad-Im-Atheist...an+atheist

Shattering reality... Yeah, I know how it feels. I went through it a few times and it also involved the family breakdown. What helped me was finding some hints of dark humor in the situation, no matter how bad. It wasn't even funny, but it helped. And it also helps to go to the forum to vent, among like-minded atheists. We have here all of them, young and old, from good and bad households. You'll find lots of understanding here and it should help you to get by. This forum was based on a podcast of a man in Oklahoma, who lost his faith but lives surrounded by believers and also created it as his weekly therapy.

By the way, what does it mean to be "discipled" by a pastor? Sounds sinister. It's not anything... Catholic, right?

I would think that most people who really are brainwashed wouldn't think they are nor would they ask that question.

Keep reading and studying. Figure out where you stand. Try talking to your dad. And remember that you can't take responsibility for your mother's choices. If she thinks religion got her sober she is likely to cling to it and see any rejection of it as a rejection of her. Think and decide where you stand before rocking the boat too much, that's would likely make things harder for you.

Guilt trips suck, they are a manipulation and you need to see them as such.

Good luck...come here if you need to talk or ask questions.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

Luminion a disipleship is where you go under the pastor and get a better understanding of bible and what not he kinda also acts as a counselor

Ya I wish it was an easy disision but they do have emotional ties . I mean for Petesake though it may be a lie they are under they have helped me through some really though and depressing times >.< it may not be time yet to tell my mother but I surely can be studying .

I guess the reason I say "brainwashed" is maybe because I keep having a feeling of severe dought in my head and a pressure in my chest . That's the best way to put it .
And another issue is that we are fundamentalist and if I were to stop coming I would be barraged with texts ,calls, home visits , and any other form of communication o-o

EDIT: Also biggest reason I may wait is that I have to visit my mom once or twice a week (once she is out of rehab) and having to deal with that every week would be strainious

Don't tell now. You've not even decided if you really don't believe it or not, from what I understand. You're young and if your parents react badly there may be repercussions which you can't escape from, as you will be able to once you're say 18 and can move out from home (not saying you have to move out, but it's good to have the option available).

If you can find a friend you can trust to talk things over with it might be a good thing - ideally that would actually be your parents but it seems that's not the case for you.

I'm a big fan of keeping this kinda thing under your hat for the moment... you always have the option of telling everyone, so delaying buys you time to decide exactly what you want to do.

I'd say, keep quiet for the moment, no problem there, and study stuff. There's a whole thread here in the atheism and theism section called the Informational resource thread, with lots of links for reading. Also study your bible and your Book of Mormon and so forth, so that at least you feel like you've fairly evaluated them...

The following 2 users Like morondog's post:2 users Like morondog's postDom (20-09-2013), Bows and Arrows (10-01-2014)

As for the topic answer: No, you are not brainwashed. why? Because you question, you wonder, you ask questions ( here at least ).... a truly brainwashed would never do any of those things, blidly keep to their dogma and even force people into your bubble or away from you if they say otherwise.

But you are merely 15, and my advice is to give yourself time and educate yourself on what you really want, i wont say "what you want to believe" sounds like a oxymoron to me.. rather what you want to "know" is a better description in my opinion.

I do not believe that you are brainwashed but I do believe you understood and identified brainwashing tactics through your google adventures. Yes, it does give some migraines. I get them when doing research and boy oh boy, it can take a lot out of ya!