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Inhaling…exhaling…Inhaling…exhaling….arms swinging back and forth….music buds in ears, iPod tucked in front pocket of yoga pants, a huge smile…Thats me at 6:30 AM

And just as routine as my workouts are….

….So is Ken walking up to me with his charming and happy salutations!….After wishing him a Happy New Years, and without skipping a beat in between gasping for breath I say; lets talk un-PC of course.

Let me back up a little….

Ken is one of my wonderful gym friends (first names only) that greets me with smiles and happy/inspirational thoughts early early mornings. He is a 75 year old 6′ 1″ African American man who grew up with a single mother in the Bronx (New York City). A gang leader as a teen who is now an upstanding father/grandfather, who by the way, still works (part-time) and volunteers in places that need him the most.

Ken and I were talking about kids and guns when he said something very powerful…”When I was younger we fought, we did a lot of fighting but there weren’t any guns and I’m sure happy about that. Because I would have killed someone who ended up to be my best friend. He just died a year ago and I still miss him everyday. Kids now, could be killing their future best friend.”

He went off to his piece of equipment (bike) and I continued to run on my piece of equipment (elliptical)…As always, getting nowhere fast!….Enough said.

I keep reading about the idea of personal fulfillment…We should be pushing ourselves to “the edge” and only by doing so will we know our abilities/limits and hence personal fulfillment…

But…

…My mediation teacher says, personal fulfillment and keeping your positive energy open comes in our choices. Everything we do and think about, is our choice. The question we should ask ourselves, “Is this choice beneficial to my well being (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and to the well being of others.?”

And…

At the end of our day, we should do a recap, a review of our day’s choices. Being mindful and staying present in total honesty, (lying to yourself is inexcusably damaging to you and to others) and in our evening’s review, if some choices were not beneficial to our well being, then we should inhale empathy for ourselves and exhale empathy for everyone else in the world who feels pain/anger/humiliation, for we are all connected and no one wants to suffer in pain.

So without judgement or guilt, set your intentions for tomorrow’s choices of physical, emotional and spiritual well being…

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With all the attention these past few days to the 25th anniversary of the movie “When Harry Met Sally”, staring Billie Crystal and Meg Ryan…My thoughts wonder towards relationships and the movie’s theme. Can a man and a woman really be friends?

“When Harry Met Sally”

“Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.”
― Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

So given my stir it up personality, needing to take it to the next level…

The question before you is:

….Can a hetersexual married woman be friends with a hetersexual man that is not her husband?

AND…

…Can a hetersexual woman be friends with another woman’s husband? And not with his wife?

I suppose the quick and edging answer is: yes (friendships have no boundaries)….But is that really true, are friendships really without boundaries or expectations?

Can you meet a married man and fall into a causal gender-neutral friendship? Or what what about the kind of friendships that had started years ago during your single years? Can you remain close friends regardless of yours or his marital status?

I say, martial status changes the game and hence the rules to play by. AND only stupid girls with huge ego’s think they can have a friendship with someone else’s husband….End of game!

Is it snobbery or fair expectations to expect police/security to be in shape?

I say FAIR EXPECTATIONS!

If I was paying a group of people to protect my life…Damn straight I wouldn’t want them in a food coma and I would expect every single one of them to be in great physical and mental shape!

I mean…

….Would you pay a person to help your 8th grade child with writing and be OK if that person could only write at a 4th grade level? I mean where are we going with this?

There is nothing wrong with job (and life) standards! In fact, there is nothing wrong with a high job (and life) standards! It’s called a high work and living ethic to do your very best!…To Be accountable!

For some reason, people with standards are now viewed as intolerant…We all should accept unacceptable behavior, regardless…

…….When and how did this happen?

What level of standards do you have for yourself and are they the same for others?

Are the best relationships due to honesty?
Or….
…Are the best relationships due to holding back some of that honesty AND due to, not being honest?

Is full disclosure necessary for a great relationship?
Or…
…Is full disclosure nothing more than a selfish act of unburdening? Or is it a pure and loving act of kindness?
And once honesty is out there, is it fair to have expectations stemming from the honesty?

Maybe…
…Honesty is nothing more than a tool to hurt others in the name of a virtuous act? Or could it be, the necessary tool to enjoying life to the fullest?

Just maybe…
…Honesty is the party that brings the right people together and is what keeps damaging people off your guest list?

Could it be that honesty is not what you WANT, but what you NEED? And just maybe giving honesty is a fair and true loving act that sacrifices one’s peace, to give to a another in need?

But in the end…

I think honesty is the same as sex in a marriage…You can’t have a great relationship without it…But just because you have it, doesn’t mean you have a great relationship!