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Friday, August 31, 2007

What Sucks...Quick Hits: Government Douchebags

...Larry Craig

So after this has happened for like the 20th time, you know the ardent “anti-gay” politician turning out to be well, really, really gay, can’t we all just now assume if you’re really into anti-gay legislation that you’re, you know, gay? Kind of like the whole _________ (fill in the blank with a classic gay stereotype) thing? (I’ll chose “show tunes”!) Does this have to happen again? I mean how many dudes dug Joan Crawford before it was code for, you know, being gay.

Also, the whole “Why do these gay guys keep sticking their dicks in my mouth?” defense, as seen above, is just plain sad.

…Alberto Gonzales

Even for a lawyer, Alberto Gonzales makes for a very special douchebag. Everything from his alleged (and by alleged I mean factual) encounter with an equally douchey but half passed out John Ashcroft in the hospital (trying to get him to sign off on illegal wire taps), to his calling of the Geneva Convention “quaint”, to his really, really, really shitty memory blows.

…Karl Rove

A super-hero in douchiness, the scope of his suck offenses will reverberate for decades, I’d crash the internet if I listed them all here but it should be pointed out that this “perj-aholic” is kinda responsible for Alberto Gonzales going away, you know by ordering that he fire US Attorneys for political reasons, so thanks.

...Nouri al-Maliki

Hey asshole, how bout a little less bitching and whining about the US and a little more “not going on vacation for the month of August while we have guys in your country tip toeing around IED’s". By the way, I'm playing a drinking game where I do a shot every time your government falls short of a benchmark, and I'm fucking shit-faced right now. (and yes, being in a dysfunctional government, qualifies you for this list)

…George W. Bush

Feel like I’m a little late to the party in addressing this, but I thought I imagined it, turns out it happened…

Did this a-hole use a Vietnam comparison as an argument to STAY in Iraq?

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What Sucks Mission Statement

Suckiness surrounds us all, gripping us in a vice-like hold, with the ferocity of a bear trap made of shit. My mission? To offer insight and shed understanding on the vast, seemingly endless, black hole of crap each one of us has to face on a daily basis. And while that torrent of bullshit is both mammoth in scope and unyielding in its advance, at least here it can be called it out for what it is- a lot of shit that really sucks.

So join me- everyday I’ll shine the spotlight on something that sucks. And your comments, until you weird me out, are always welcome. That being said, thanks for stopping by and sorry everything sucks so bad.

About Me

Chris DeLuca is a writer/ producer/ comic currently living in Hoboken, the Prague of New Jersey. He's written for a bunch of TV shows you probably have not watched or heard of (United States of Hip Hop, Nikki & Sara Live, Mob Wives Reunion, BET's Don't Sleep, and Fuse News- see?) as well as Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, Best Week Ever, Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson and the 12/12/12 Concert For Sandy Relief. He was also the "World's Oldest Intern" on VH1's Big Morning Buzz. In 2009 he created, wrote and starred in the hilarious, and subversive “Mocap, LLC" on Spike. Sadly, he thinks he caused his parent's divorce.