Monday, 12 May 2014

Space to Breathe...

Today is the first day in about 2 months that I've finally felt on top of things. I've got space to breathe. My house is clean(er), I feel like I'm connecting with friends & family again, I'm getting to grips with this new site, I'm enjoying blogging.

The decision to move to this new-look website was not taken lightly. When I spoke to the internet experts, I was told about how wonderful it would be to use, how it was the logical next step for my blog.

The truth is, it's been nothing short of nightmarish and I'll be honest and say that I'm sorry I did it. I miss my old site - the simplicity of writing a blog post, the ease of uploading photos, no worries about disk space or photo sizes...Google's Blogger App did it for me and I could focus on shopping and writing.

But with this move to Wordpress (where I self-host my site) has resulted in hours and hours and hours of extra work for me behind the scenes, fixing links, finding errors, running out of disk space, crashing, coping with shop issues and throughout, I've had criticism from online forums - some quite personal and upsetting. Suck it up is my motto...but there's only so much you can suck up in the space of 8 weeks of late nights I've found.

I've hardly seen my kids or husband, barely cleaned my house and not exercised in this time. Perhaps more telling, I've hardly shopped either...which is unheard of for me! I've cried, I've worried and I've felt like closing up the blog completely.

BUT - something happened over the past week and I suddenly realised I'm out the other side. I'm thinking of new posts, I'm spending time with the family, I found the bottom of the ironing basket (and put it all away!).

The purpose of this post? Well, mainly to thank the people who helped me during this busy time. My husband, my fellow bloggers who've put up with my woes on our online forum and in real life. But most importantly, you - the readers of this blog who've been commenting, emailing and buying from the shop throughout - putting up with issues and mistakes in some cases.

I also just *needed* to write this down - to process it all. Like most women, I tend to breeze along with the 'everything's fine' face on and people think I'm coping really well. But I really wasn't and I needed the support more than I ever let on to my friends and family. I now have the headspace to realise it wasn't a big deal really in the overall scheme of things...nobody died...it's just a blog and I'm out the other side but I'm left reflecting on another life lesson learned.

Here's to having space to breathe again..and loving this blog once more.

102 comments

If it's the online forum thread I am thinking of, I read it and some of it was quite harsh (not just about you either but some of my other faves too) but my goodness, some of the rest of it about blogging in general was really interesting and informative. It's never nice to read unpleasant things about yourself online but I hope for every derisory comment about the new site you spotted the nice ones, the good for her, good luck to her ones as there were plenty of those too! It just takes time for everyone to get used to a vast change, readers and the blog author alike, as you have admitted here.

I hope your weekend break in Dusseldoft and Amsterdam helped a bit too, I caught up last night in bed feeling shite (woe is me at 33 weeks) and it sounds like you had a lovely time :)

I didn't realise you had been going through such a stressful time - you would never have guessed from your always brilliant blog posts!

I have never commented on a blog before but felt I must after reading of your problems. I just wanted to say a big thank you for your informative and entertaining blogs and also the fabulous things I have received from your shop. It never ceases to amaze me why some people can be horrible to another human being?!

Keep up the good work - I am so glad to hear you feel that you have 'come out the other side'.

Avril - What an honest and refreshing post - I know from experience what an absolute nightmare it can be to start hosting your own site. it was never obvious from your posts the you were going through such a stressful time in your life, you hid it very well I must say! Well done to you and to heck with any begrudgers - and while it took me a while to get used to the new look, you're still my "go-to" blog every morning! Claire

I love your new site! I can't imagine how you find the time to do it with 3 kids, a hubby, home, shopping etc etc. Those who have not been positive should maybe try it themselves sometime and maybe then they would be less critical. Love your shop and it keeps me in scarves that no-one else has in my part of Scotland. xxx

Hi Avril, I am fairly new to this blogging lark, I started using Wordpress (also self hosted) from the get go, it does get easier with wordpress, hang on in there. I've been following your blog for a while and I always enjoy your posts. Sue xBestfriendstyle

Hi there!! So pleased that things have turned a corner for you- Wordpress from what I've heard is a daunting and brave move but hopefully you've learnt a lot during this stressful time which will enable you to cope with any future problems that may arise again, it's definitely handy to know the techy side of things even if they've caused such aggro!! Well done, the blog looks fabulous and here's to a more balanced lifestyle xx

Thanks Lou - I'm sure we're talking about the same forum thread. I am not a member there anymore and didn't read it but some of the comments were copied to me (more's the pity!). Good luck with the last few weeks you've got left - hope it's not all spent in bed! x

Oh Avril, I'm so sorry to hear how you've been feeling. And furious at whoever has dared to try and drag you down in the middle of it all. I can relate to a lot of what you said and can't wait to give you a huge hug xx

Haha - just as you do every day on the forum, you've cheered me up with this comment Donna. Elasticated waist bands!!! ROFL...tho I have been wearing my harems lots in the past week...maybe they are the secret?! x

Thanks so much Fiona...I only realised how much time it took up when I changed over and then realised that I had no extra time to dedicate to getting things in order...then everything started backing up and it all got a bit out of control! Slow and steady for a few weeks has done the trick - as has all the positivity from my readers. Thanks again x

That's so helpful to hear Sue - thanks for letting me know. I think it's so different to Blogger and definitely less intuitive. I will stick with it though - great to hear you're finding it easier now you've been using it for a while. I do enjoy your blog also - it's on my bloglovin feed! x

As a very regular long-time reader of your blog, I just wanted to reply and say that I didn't notice a thing. I really didn't. I always enjoy your posts. So please take heart that you hid it very well and the new site looks great. X

What can I say, you're an absolute trouper and like Helen (Flaky) said - I'm not playing poker with you either - you never showed how bad it had gotten for you on the blog. I'm glad you're coming out on the other side - I want to see you in your harems and Birks .... together :)

Avril I am shocked on your behalf that people have been unkind or critical about your lovely blog and shop! It is all the more infuriating because reading and following blogs is not compulsory and if you don't like what you see or read the answer is simple - DON'T! As wives, mums, sisters we should all support each other and our endeavours not knock each other down! I can imagin the hard work that goes into the blog and shop alongside raising a family - keep up the good work and be proud of yourself! X

I am sorry you have been under such stress recently. I am a very new comer to your site, and also much older than your target range. However, I love reading your posts , you are so cheerful, and I have taken away great ideas which I use to find more " age appropriate" clothes for myself. I drew the line at harem pants, but already investigating a blazer.

I purchased a scarf recently from the shop, which has been admired by both my younger daughters and older friends.

The new site is really fantastic and much easier to use so sorry to hear it's been such a 'mare to set up. Hope it gets easier. I also thought 'space to breathe' was on harem pants which I am tempted to try on but owing to my large rear am a little frightened that it wouldn't be such a good look!!.

Sorry to hear you have been going through a rough patch. People can be so unkind. If they don't like your blog, don't read it. Simple. No need for cruel words.I really enjoy your blog, it was one of the first I started following. The new format is great & you are on my favourites list which I check most days. Enjoy some quality time with your lovely family, you deserve it. L x

I liked your old blog, and I really really like your new blog. The graphics are great and it has a really good look and feel. Its been really well thought through.

Blogger really does hold your hand but also constrains you - Wordpress really puts you in the driving seat, You have a lot more freedom to develop the site you want.

Now that you have got the the pain of setting up the site, testing and making sure it all works it will calm down, and you should get good usage stats so you shouldn't run out of space without warning again.

So time for a well earned relax, and a big pat on the back cause it is fantastic! :0)Paul

What an awful time you have had, I can't believe people make personal comments about the blog. I have continued to enjoy your posts and love your shop. So glad that you have decided to continue and continue to inspire us, take care x

I read this and wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. I'll be honest - often I would personally make different outfit choices but I think you are super cool and interesting for starting the conversation and I check your blog all the time for new chat! Well done for sticking the painful bits out. Please don't stop blogging! I was in Deja Vu at the weekend because of you (hailing from East Belfast!). Keep it up!

Avril, it is so lovely to see so much support here for you from your lovely readers......it's testament to the fact that you do such a great job as a blogger! You do a amazing job and have a great many followers so I'm glad that you've come through the other side and are starting to enjoy doing this again! Don't let a few nasty comments that are in the minority spoil it for the loyal, who love what you do majority! xx

I think I know the thread you mean and I suspect it was mainly jealousy (I wonder if these people realise how hurtful their throwaway comments can be). Your blog is fantastic and I've had some really lovely scarves from you as well as picking up loads of great style ideas. Overall I've seen many more positive comments about your blog than negative ones, and quite rightly so. Keep up the good work and glad you're feeling better :) xx

Hi Avril....glad you are feeling better...I have often thought about giving up myself but now I just do what I can whenever I have the time:) It isn't easy with family to take care of! Have a good week:)~Anne xx

Ignore all the nasty comments, life's too short to worry about the mean things other people say. We could all do with remembering our manners and etiquette whether in person, in a car or on the internet!

Personally I like your new blog and read every week, change is good :-)

Thanks Felicity! I'm very aware that once you have a public profile - particularly one you have created yourself - you need to take criticism as not everyone's going to like what I do. It's not the first time and won't be the last time I'll be slated on there :) The greater shame is that I had to delete my profile but it's for the best. Thanks again x

Oh Shazi - how lovely to hear that and LOL at harem pants comment too...you and Donna are a pair! You should go check out her blog :) Thank you for taking the time to comment and your blocking advice has been taken x

Thank you Lynne - I'm so grateful that you've taken the time to comment. I remember your name from the shop also ... thanks for supporting me there too and I'm delighted you like your new scarf! Onward and upwards...sure I can't tempt you to try out the harems? ;) x

Oh you're so wise...I also wonder why people bother reading if they dislike it so much. Maybe they really love it but are afraid to admit it?? I'm like One Direction :) lol Thank you for your orders (and your pretty cards) in recent weeks - it's been great getting to know you via the blog x

You poor thing. You work so hard, it must be awful to read negative things, but unfortunately some people can't adapt to change, and others don't take into consideration the hard work that you obviously put in. I think the website is great and easy to navigate. Keep going I'd miss this so much if I didn't get a daily fix! I'm glad you're coming out the other side. Xx

Hi,I have never commented on a blog before but wanted to after reading your post today.Yes, as a reader only (I have no understanding of anything technical relating to blogs), at first I did prefer the style of your old blog but that was because I was used to using it, now I couldn't even tell you what the old one was like. To me the only thing that matters is the content of your posts, the quality of which is still great. The only problem I have is that some days there isn't a new post to give me my School Gate fix!! My understanding is that primarily, a blog is an outlet for people's thoughts, passions and general ramblings. I don't think any of us should question or criticise someone who is doing a very good job. I love your style and all of the things in your shop - unfortunately, I haven't ordered yet, partly because I can't narrow down my wishlist of items but hopefully that will change very soon.Keep up the good work and most importantly remember to keep breathing - critical for a great life!!xx

So glad you are still here :) Technology is not always easy to mastermind (says she of no skill) so I am gald you've stuck with it. I would so miss your updates as I navigate through the masses of Lulu Lemon sweat pants at my school gate here (but it is a drive through drop off in fact because it's Ameri-cain but you know what I mean).x

oh Avril I've never sent a reply before but I'm so sorry that you have had to read mean things about yourself. I've been reading your blog for 18 months it's been an inspiration to me even the title is inspiring. xx

Sorry to hear you've been through such a stressful time lately. Personally I think the new blog layout looks really professional and shows that you're moving up to the next level.

I really enjoy reading your blog and have just returned to work after a 4 year break and been completely stressed out myself. I have to admit I don't know where you find time to research and write your blog - I can only just keep up with reading them! Keep up the good work.

Hello Avril, After reading this post I feel I must comment (first time ever) as your blog was and now is fab. Your personality shines through, and to be fair, you inspired a lot of other bloggers to follow in your footsteps. In my opinion, you were the forerunner for many others and please do congratulate yourself on being such an honest inspiration to so many.When you run out of rope, tie a knot in the end and hang on!!

Hi Avril I've been following your blog for a while and love it .... and I think the new site is just fab! It looks so much more slick and professional. You have always given me loads of fashion inspiration and of all the blogs I read yours is my absolute fave. I'm sorry to hear this has been such a stressful time and really glad that things are feeling better now. Keep up the good work :-)BTw, do you ship to Italy?

Really sorry to hear all the trials and tribulations. From where I'm sitting it has looked fantastic.Clean and easy to navigate. I just wanted to reiterate Jo's comments - great blog, great jewellery treats. Ignore the negative. Some people just have too much time on their hands.

Love your writing, your posts, your blog, your shop, your fashion choices.People need to be aware how the way they react, things they say can have a detrimental effect, you chose to carry on regardless & come through.My motto in life....see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil....instilled in my kids too. Doesn't mean you can't have an opinion, but be constructive.Avril.......you rock! XX

Thanks so much...that's such a kind comment and wise advice too. I have a much thicker skin than when I started out but it shouldn't have to be that way...we should all keep our non-constructive comments to ourselves!! Thanks again x

Thanks for your comment Michelle - I love that you still enjoy the blog even though we're on completely different seasons...mind you, our summer wardrobe probably doesn't differ hugely from your spring/autumn one :) Hope the return to work situation calms a little - I'm sure before too long, you'll settle into the new routine x

I'm so grateful for your honesty Carly - thank you. I'm sure you speak for lots of readers when you say that it took some getting used to. Thanks for persevering and I'm actually really pleased you tell me you can't remember what the old one looked like. It's so good to hear that feedback x

Thank you Claire - I think I did get very caught up in the work in the background and forgot that people couldn't see that going on. Which is a good thing really. Anyway, I'm so buoyed up by yours and everyone else's comments. Thank you - I didn't think it was possible to feel even more positive than I did yesterday. But I do! x

Bless you, it sounds like it's been a tough time. Sorry it's been so difficult moving across to Wordpress, I haven't done that myself, still clinging onto Blogger! I think this new site is super, and I didn't notice anything too crazy going on with it, I think you managed it more smoothly than others.

Out of interest, I'm looking for helpful blogging forums, I don't suppose you could point me in the direction some, or just say which ones are bitchy and best avoided?!

Keep going lovely, what you get from doing it will be sure to outweigh the negatives again soon. P x

Big hugs to you Avril. So sorry to hear you've had a difficult time, but it sounds like you have an amazing family and support network. I like your new site, don't listen to any nasty stuff online. Hope you're feeling more positive now!Abbi x

Like several other posters, this is the first time I've ever been motivated to comment on a blog - and also, 'that thread' was the first one that ever prompted me to stick my head above the parapet and post a cross response! I hope that you were also copied the positive posts on that thread. So much easier to sit at home and be mean than to - ooh, I don't know - set up a blog and business from scratch and be successful within 2 years! :) So chin up, and take a minute to look at what you've achieved. This probably sounds mad but, as one mum to another: Well done, I'm really proud of you!

I had NO idea, Avril. And this is even with our fairly regular chats. You seemed to unfazed that I really envy how pragmatic and sensible you are. A real trooper. But you know what? Regardless of the issues you've had, you never once whinged (I'm an expert on the topic. Ask me anytime should you consider taking it up as a hobby) nor complained but marched on and taught the rest of us the pitfalls to look out for.

Ah bless you Avril. I know that feeling when it all gets a bit much, inspiration is lost, posts are drafted then deleted and nothing about your space in the blogsphere feels right. It normally all comes back after a few weeks, we all need some time out and to those that battle on regardless, well I take my hat off to them! As working mums there are other aspects in our lives that have to come before our blogs and fashion, I wish I could be more committed but it just isn't possible x

Please persevere Avril as I LOVE your blog and effortless style! If I had even half of your talent, I'd be proud as punch! It could also be worse - I had 1 lemonade too many (coupled with time of the month) last Sat evening at a local concert and somehow ended up performing backing vocals! Not my finest hour... Ingrid x

There's not a lot left to say that hasn't been said already but I just wanted to say how much I enjoy & look forward to your blog - keep up the good work and forget the negative comments. It amazes me that people take time to post hurtful remarks. They obviously have a lot of time on their hands & pretty empty boring lives. Ignore them & keep smiling they're not worth it x

Avril, well done on getting through and making it to the other side! I never really know if it's a personal failing or a strength that we women muddle on through with an ever increasing feeling of being overwhelmed by everythingl, all the while maintaining to all and sundry that we're coping just fine. It's a hard lesson to learn that it's ok to ask for help every now and again, and to just stop and take time to figure out what's important. It sounds like you're very lucky to have people around you who understand that.

As for the nasty comments people directed your way, I was only talking about this subject today to friends - before I had even read yesterday's post. Unfortunately there are some people in the world who seem to find it easy to hurt others - maybe they're unaware of the pain they cause or maybe that's exactly their intention. Either way, having recently experienced something similar when I lost a close relative, it's not easy to ignore what they say. What we can do, however, is try to pay more heed to the positive comments - and you have certainly received plenty of those over the past 24 hours. It is clear the enjoyment you bring to people who read your blog, myself included - I am always genuinely pleased to receive an email notification of a new blog post and love trawling through the beautiful scarves and jewellery in your shop.

AvrilSo sorry to hear of your technical probs and about the horrid comments on that particular forum - I think I know the one you mean. Ignore and keep going. I'm a big fan of your blog and look forward to your posts. I've got some great ideas (finally have a notion how to style the harem pants I indulged in), and have some fantastic items from your shop. Glad you're coming out the other sideGill

Please don't let negative people drag you down. The thread you're referring to was harsh in places but please be assured there were people speaking up for you and other bloggers who were getting it in the neck. Keep up the good work and most importantly...enjoy!

Hi Avril, I have been reading and being inspired by your blog for a while now and your shop is fantastic, every item is sent out with a personal touch making you feel like you are a friend . The comments that all the lovely ladies have put on here will hopefully help you forget about negative and personal remarks that have been written and put it all behind you . Good luck for your future blogging !! Xx

Avril - cannot believe anyone could ever criticise your amazing, witty and super-stylish blog and ideas. As a twin mum myself, I have absolutely no idea how you do it - but you do - and with such style and panache! I have recommended your blog to so many friends who are now all as obsessed as me!! Keep up the fantastic work and so glad to see you're sticking with us - we'd all miss you and your fashion tips too much!! Xx

I'm so sorry to hear you've been given a hard time over your blog changes and can't believe that some sad people have the need/time to bitch and moan about your blog! What boring lives they must lead! I've always loved your blog and long may you continue the fab work. I also admire that you have the time to do it too with a young family and shop and a house to clean so ignore the moaners - they're probably just jealous! Xxx

So glad to hear you feel you are out the other side, and at moments like this, it's so good to hear there is another side:) It is so easy to look carefree and as if you are taking it all in your stride (and might I say, you do this very well!) but we all need a little down time to process. As for the technology, I need a degree - but from the outside, it's looking great - keep up the good work xx

I am sorry to hear about things getting on top of you, your new site is great, I am sure after the teething problems you have had things can only get better....... and as for nasty comments online, how dear they, you are too nice for that, just a working mummy trying to do her best with your blog and at the same time being unselfish helping and supporting new bloggers like myself! Keep smiling! Xx

Big Big Hugs & Kisses Darl! You are doing just grand & we all have times like this! I've just crawled out of one myself! It does help to get it all out & I've always been a believer in sometimes you need to go down in order to get back up! You are amazing & we love you! xx

I love reading your comments and will reply as soon as I can if you have a specific question. If for any reason, you are unable to leave a comment, just drop me an email at avril@alifetostyle.com or leave a comment on the A Life to Style Facebook Page! Thank you xx

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I'm Avril - a 40-something busy mum with a love of all things stylish. This blog is where I share my love of fashion, home, food and fitness. Email me on avril@alifetostyle.com or click on the links below to see more!