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Sexual Frequency, Tech-Relief, Neighborhood Party, My Kabbalah String

Saturday 4-16-05These next three entries are older, I'll back date them after people have had a chance to read them. Sorry I haven't been able to reply to all of your wonderful comments. I so appreciate them!!! Love you guys -- Jac XOXO

My garden looks sooo good right now with all of the roses in bloom. I'm having so much fun taking pictures of them. Isn't this striped one amazing?

Thanks everyone for all of the kind comments about the last batch of pictures I put up. In answer to your questions, I'm using the latest Sony Cybershot -- the eight megapixel one -- and I use a baby, wanna-be version of Photoshop called Adobe Photo Deluxe to edit the pictures.

Scotty just left. I thought that if I set a goal for us, in terms of sexual frequency, that it would help us both, and so far it's really been a positive thing ; ) At the very least he'll know how much he matters to me and how much our intimacy matters to me. We're both very sexual people, but unfortunately we're also both super-sensitive, anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed, so pretty much everything has been getting in the way. I asked him recently that if everything were ideal, how often he would like to have sex, and he said every day. I think I'd be happy with every other day.

I bought two new Hitachi Magic Wands at our local Love Store yesterday because Scott misplaced the bag of toys I had taken to his house in all of the unpacking. I'd been without my favorite vibrator for way too long and it was definitely time to do something about this. I walked right in knowing what I wanted, walked up to the cool Gothy looking gal at the counter, and asked where they were. I like that I'm not afraid any more to go to sex stores and ask for what I want. When I had asked Scott to go get them for us, (one for his house and one for mine,) I hadn't realized that the reason he wasn't doing it was because he was shy. I had been feeling kind of hurt that he'd let so much time go by without taking care of this for me, but when he told me it was because he felt uncomfortable I immediately understood and felt protective of him, and then all my resentment melted away.

I think I'm finally beginning to get a handle on all of our electronic and technological challenges we've been having here. I've been seriously frustrated with how challenging it is to learn how to use all of these new things we've acquired, and there are all of these accessories we have to manage that came with them. No matter how much I wish I could, you can't just plug everything in and have it work. Sadly, it just isn't that simple. Eventually you have to make the time to sit down and go through the manuals, but Beau and I both have a super hard time assimilating information from manuals so we procrastinate and keep trying to learn by doing. I've been making myself read a couple of pages at a time and have been making major progress, and this little thing -- that for most people is so easy -- feels like such a major accomplishment for me.

In a very brief span of time we were lucky enough to take on a new car, two new cell phones -- a mini computer phone thing for Beau and a Palm Treo 600 for me -- and both of them were more work and trouble than we were prepared for, then I lost mine and Beau's broke, so I got a Blackberry that I am finding even harder to learn how to work than the first one. Then I added Bluetooth and the headset, so I had to learn how to operate that. We also got a Sirius Satellite Radio, two new HGTV's, and the digital receivers that come with them, so we have new cable remotes and DVR programs to learn how to operate. We upgraded our home telephone system and added cordless phones to the mix, and they don't always work. I got a new digital camera for my birthday that's more complicated and has many more features than my last one. We bought iPods, (Beau has had his for a long time, I'm the one who's new to this), and even though it's been fairly easy to learn how to use, there are so many accessories that come with it and I'm forever losing them.

Then there are the never-ending computer problems. I bought expensive all-in-one printers that just won't work -- the drivers are enormous and slow everything down too much so now we don't have any working printers. I added a second DSL line with a wireless router in order to have a clean connection that is separate from Beau's dangerous web surfing, and for some reason my computer kept jumping off of my router and onto his. I had days where I couldn't keep my computer on-line for more than a few minutes at a time. But after a long phone session with our computer helper pal Ron, I think I've finally got all this worked out.

I wish the center of this one had come out better, but I wanted you to see this purple rose. It's so much fun to pick these and give them to people. The purple ones look so nice with all of the other variegated pastel peach and pinks.

Beau had a really rough night last Thursday and I was pretty panicked about it, but after talking a lot with him, making some decisions, and speaking with other parents, some kids, and his vice-principal, we managed to work things out and are both feeling much better. I'm glad that his PSP finally arrived. He's been having fun playing with it and I was getting so tired of Phil and Beau asking me when they would get here.

We had our neighborhood block party today. Everyone pitches in, we close off one of the main streets, and restaurants and local businesses, (esp. brokers), donate food and services. We had a big moon-bounce/slide, a little train, face painting and pony rides for the kids. There were salads, hot dogs, burgers, pizza, edamame, (which was pretty much the only thing I could eat), chips, drinks and all kinds of home baked goods. There was even some kind of donation table where people had brought things to share like my neighbor who brought her fresh catnip.

Esther, her sister Concha, Beau, and his friend Jose, (who had spent the night), and I all walked to the party, which is a good walk for Esther and me. Actually the kids rode their bikes and Jose crashed into the back of a parked car because he was so tired. We saw the spoiled neighborhood rude boy who rode by us on his Segue. He's been cold, superior, and rude -- just like his Dad -- since he was pretty small. It just really made me angry when Beau and Jose got so excited and tried to talk to him about his damned scooter and he wouldn't give them the time of day. I want to bend him over my knee and spank some kindness into him, but that doesn't usually engender kindness, it would sure make me feel good though ; )

My Kabbalah bracelet frayed down to it's last little red thread and came off a few weeks ago. It took me a while to find the package of blessed string with the prayer, and of course there's always the issue of my wandering attention span, so it was a sweet relief to finally remember to ask Scott to tie a fresh piece of it back on my wrist again tonight. I'd been wanting to wear it again because I honestly felt happier and more protected when I had it on. I know that this must sound soooo lame and woo-woo-LA-celebrity-cult-faddish and silly to most of you, and it's probably all in my head, or just an issue of mind over matter, (the string acting like a sort of tie-a-string-around-your-finger-and-you'll remember-whatever-it-is-that-you-need-to-remember kind of thing), but whatever it is I like it and find it comforting and cheering.

One of the main things I like about it is that you make this commitment/promise not to engage in negative gossip about other people, and it makes me happy and sort of soothes my aching heart when I catch myself saying or thinking something unkind, and then manage to turn it around by touching the bracelet and reminding myself not to continue. I can get super gossipy and negative if I'm not careful. I can mimic pretty much anyone -- it's a gift I've always had -- I can do any accent, so it's a little too easy for me to entertain people at someone else's expense. Although I forgot to use it to deal with my anger against scooter boy a moment ago.

Atra's Mother keeps getting better every day. Thank you to anyone who sent prayers or well wishes her way!

You know, usually when I'm sitting here writing to you I've got the TV running in the background. Right now I've got America's Next Top Model on. This is the episode where the poor models have been given some very brief and superficial acting coaching and have to do a scene using a cockney accent. I swear if I ever feel like my work is crap, all I'll have to do is watch this to know just how good I am. I have a lot to say about celeb acting coaches and their queenly ways, (and it's funny because Scott and I were just talking about this today), but I think I'll just leave this for now.

Poor girls, I don't know why they're making them do this. What does blacking out a tooth, doing some weird Pygmalion meets Boston Public scene, while trying to pull off an accent they're hardly ever going to be required to use on a runway, have to do with being drop dead photogenic gorgeous?

Scott just signed on. I love our AOL avatars that we use in our IM's. His is a dolphin swimming in the sea, and mine is the cutest little green buggy with blue wings, deep dark eyes, and big red kissy lips. They're just so adorable.

BTW will anyone who wouldn't mind doing this sort of thing, say some prayers, or send some healing energy to my cats Buki, Curly, and Zazu? Buki -- because he's getting thin, has a continuously runny nose, is often sneezing, (on my keyboard, yuck, or like this morning when he had a major sneezing attack on my hair), and has these pre-cancerous lesions on his face that we're treating. I love this old man so much. I don't even think he has any teeth left. Let me see...nope, no teeth. He used to have one. I just kiss-attacked him and he's purring. what he really wants is a tablespoon of Nutrical, pardon me while I feed my friend some gooey calorie and vitamin laden fish oil with some Lysine mixed in for the virus... Zazu has been fighting something for a long time now. She gets very sick, her white blood cell count shoots up, all of the vets thing she's going to die, and then she rallies with a lot of nursing on our parts. She's in a rallied phase now, but I worry so much about her, if she misses so much as one meal she can head back down again. I have to work so hard to keep the weight on her. Wish that was my problem. Curly has a wheezy asthmatic thing going on and it scares me. Oh hell, might as well make it a blanket healing request for all of our animals. That would include the bunnies, the rats, and of course the dogs, the three white mice, and the Norouz goldfishies.