Help on Autobiographical Coursework

You can probably see by my poorly constructed sentence that I am a GCSEstudent (hoping to become a teacher) that needs a bit of help/ direction. (Not implying that every GCSE Student can't write standard English)

I have a piece of Autobiographical writing that I've done for the third time, and I've asked to do it again because my language skills has considerably increased. I know it's a bit cheeky, but I would appreciate very much if someone could check it and just offer me suggestions how to improve it and such like.

If you do, thank you very much. I want to get a widespread view on suggestions, so that I don't pester my English teacher again.

Once again, thank you

Joseph

Oh, the link for the autobiographical writing is here: https://www.tes.co.uk/teaching-resource/Autobiographical-Coursework-6072120/