Wonga puppet millionaires flee with booty

Scotland Yard is on the hunt for a trio of extortionists and suspected money launderers following a tip off from a Wonga.com whistleblower.

Using a TV advertising campaign as a front for their nefarious activities the fugitives have creamed off millions of pounds from recession hit families and vulnerable individuals. Now the so-called Wonga puppet millionaires, Betty, Earl and Joyce have allegedly bagged up their booty and fled to South America.

Earlier reports that they had joined their South African counterparts, Felicia, Noelene and Frans in an international rip off scheme have been discounted.

“We decided to take the money and run,” said Betty, in a series of cynical tweets from her million dollar yacht moored off the Columbian coast “Keeping up the pretence of living in a modest semi, and working in a dingy office with Earl and Joyce like a superannuated and extremely unfunny version of Friends just got too much for us.”

Partner Earl said, “Ripping people off between Countdown and Deal or no Deal got really boring after a while, but with a coke habit to support I needed that 4,000% APR to keep me on a permanent high and to support my two bitches.”

The trio are now wanted for alleged extortion, human trafficking and drug running. “We had hoped to increase our interest to over 5,000%” said fellow accomplice, Joyce, “but when loan sharks started offering lower rates we knew the good times were over. But the cash did help to fund my secret string of brothels and keep a supply of oriental and eastern European girls in full time work.”

Following the tip-off Scotland Yard has raided an address in London’s exclusive Mayfair and confiscated three carrier bags full of pensioners’ clothing, a Sopranos DVD boxed set, two rampant rabbits and a packet of Rich Tea biscuits. Meanwhile HM Treasury officials have frozen three Post Office savings accounts and have allegedly intercepted a claim for winter fuel allowance from an address in Ecuador.