I’m a Sexological Bodyworker, and Sexological Bodywork is a form of somatic sexual learning and re-patterning for the purpose of deepening your connection to your desire, your body and your sexuality. It may include (with your embodied consent) hands-on contact (including over a sheet, or over your hand) for the purpose of reconnecting you to your body and integrating past trauma.

This process is highly individual—the work usually lasts from 2-8 sessions.

During a session, you might hear me say something like: “Sometimes the next touch is my whole hand contacting your whole vulva. How does that sound to you—at the mind level and the body level. I know you came thinking that we would do genital touch, but does that sounds good to you right now? Do you want me to touch your vulva?

Let’s pause and wait until that contact feels like something you want, and if it isn't, then let me know what would feel good. Some women like to contact their own vulva and I place a hand over theirs. Or some people would rather I touch them over the sheet."

It goes something like that. This dialogue feels human, and that is sometimes disconcerting. So much happens through this broad contact, and this dialogue. Stepping into present moment desire, and giving lots of space and time for the body to talk, for the mind to integrate, for whatever needs to arise to come to the surface.

For some women, pelvic mapping feels like a massage. For others, it feels like a mystery revealed. For others, it feels like radical reclamation. Yet others, it is painful—explicably and inexplicably.

But we move together, and we listen, and we cry, and we find the responses we couldn't have before. We retrieve the lost parts of ourselves. We offer ourselves the gift of more wholeness and true self-expression in the present moment. We all heal together.

Having a guide during the impasse of sexual discovery aids you in discovering your real, unfettered expression of healthy sexuality. Sexual health is pelvic health is gynecological health: that is, these are pieces of the same puzzle, and you can’t separate one from the other.

What is portrayed to us in films and movies is a male arousal trajectory. Even if you watch porn of women masturbating, they are imitating a male arousal pattern. This pattern looks like starting slow, and then accelerating, and going faster and faster until there is a peak and a scream and then a sharp drop-off. Both men and women see this imagery and then our behavior is affected by it. We think that being “good at sex” or “hot sex” means to be able to give it or take it hard and fast. Really, that kind of sex is just one flavor of many different possible flavors. It’s cock-centered and focused on endorphin release and performance. I’m not saying it’s a bad flavor, just that it’s the dominant one and it robs us of having a rich, varied and mutually pleasurable intimate life, where orgasm can happen effortlessly. Female arousal is wavelike, with ebbs and flows, as it climbs and builds.

How long it takes for us to get aroused is also different from men to women. Typical male arousal, which is defined by full engorgement of genital erectile tissue (soft to hard) can take anywhere from 30 seconds to 1 ½ minutes, and of course much longer or not at all. As women, we have just as much erectile tissue as men do! Yet for women, full arousal (engorgement of all the erectile tissue) takes 35 to 45 MINUTES. Yes! You read that right. Many women I work with haven’t experienced penetration with full arousal. Sex educators like Sheri Winston, the author of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, suggest that a woman should never be penetrated until she is fully aroused and lubricated and begging to be entered. That’s definitely not the common path we see followed in television and film! It also explains why so many women find orgasm elusive when the sex we are taught is not based on how our biology and physiology work.

Learn more about how your unique body responds to arousal and stimulation when you book a Sexual Discovery session.