Week of August 3–9, 2017Riders this past week: 41,723
Rider miles this past week: 186,712

DOWN IN THE TUBEAcademy Award–winning actress Melissa Leo was on the Subway on Tuesday heading toward Springs from the East Hampton stop. She was traveling with her father, Arnold Leo, longtime secretary of the East Hampton Baymen’s Association. Jerry Seinfeld was seen traveling on the Subway between Hampton Bays and Southampton Monday evening. Going to a gig?

POP DOWNSStraphangers were startled last Saturday at 6:30 a.m. when they came down the escalator at the Southampton station to find Emiline, a women’s luxury handbag and shoe shop, right next door to the newsstand on the platform. All glass and chrome, it made a startling contrast with the newsstand. How it got there, nobody knows, but it was filled with excited customers. Subway officials spoke to a young woman named Karen, who works there, and said she was just an employee of the shop and Emiline was a pop-up store in East Hampton but there was no room for a pop-up on Jobs Lane in Southampton and so they were doing a pop-down below Jobs Lane. Subway officials examined the ceiling of that platform but didn’t see any evidence of anything popping down. By Monday morning, Subway lawyers had prepared papers ordering the pop-down removed. They were particularly concerned because the fast food restaurant Subway pays a handsome monthly rent to have a shop on the platform, not only in Southampton but on every other platform. But when Subway officials returned to the pop-down that afternoon, they found the shop gone. All that remained was a Blahnik mule. A left, size eight.

RIGHTS TO THE UNDERGROUNDMerger and acquisitions billionaire Horace Gemstone has filed papers to have the Hamptons Subway tunnel removed from underneath his 22-acre Bridgehampton estate. According to the paperwork, Gemstone claims that an 1887 deed for the land he now owns includes the phrase “and all rights to the underground land beneath the surface of the earth for 200 furlongs.” This was at a time when it was believed that silver could be mined in the Hamptons. In any case, the papers say the earth shakes when the Subway trains come rumbling through and sometimes dishes get thrown out of the cabinets. They also say that when there is a deer on the tracks down there and the motorman honks the horn, the moaning sound disturbs him and his family. He has filed a cease and desist and the Subway lawyers have filed a temporary injunction. His home sits about halfway between the Bridgehampton and Sagaponack stops. “I don’t care where they move it to,” Gemstone told the New York Times.

TRUMP FIRES ASPINALL’S WIFEAfter a company called Kushner and Siberian Enterprises (KSE) bought a 10% stake in the Hamptons Subway, it was revealed that the majority stakeholder of KSE was President Trump. Trump is on a campaign to takeover the Hamptons Subway—it is believed he wants to put photos of himself with supporters on the walls for the rich folks who use the Subway to see—and he claims its gross mismanagement has made it a highly undervalued property and it has to go, starting with Commissioner Aspinall. Anthony Scaramucci, Trump’s new Communications Director, followed up by demanding Aspinall’s wife, also on the payroll, be fired, and their dog. The next day Trump fired Scaramucci. Is Trump finally coming around?

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGEMy dog has nothing to do with Hamptons Subway’s mismanagement. Trump should leave my dog Radar out of this battle. These are fighting words.