Why Obamacare is going-to-will-have-been a disaster

Ted Cruz conspiracy explains it all

October 22, 2013|By Rex W. Huppke

Of all the things in this world that haven't happened yet, Obamacare is clearly the worst. I know this because Sean Hannity of Fox News has been telling me since the law was passed in 2010 that it's destroying America, and I believe him because the Bible says lying is a sin and I seriously doubt a sinner would get his own television show.

Just recently, Mr. Hannity talked to a few patriotic Americans on his program, and they all said Obamacare is either destroying their family business or causing their health insurance rates to skyrocket.

Hearing three random couples say an insurance program that doesn't start insuring people until January is going-to-will-have-been an abject failure lines up well with my belief in time travel, so I have no reason to doubt the credibility of their claims.

Granted, a so-called journalist named Eric Stern with a so-called website named Salon followed up with these people and found that none of them had actually looked at the Affordable Care Act insurance exchanges. And granted, what Stern found was that Obamacare would likely either have no impact on them or save them money.

The most important thing for now is that the government shutdown is over and Americans are finally able to see what a mess the Obamacare enrollment website has become. President Barack Obama himself came out Monday and said there was "no excuse" for the early enrollment problems.

"Nobody's madder than me about the fact the website isn't working as well as it should, which means it's going to get fixed," Obama said.

Classic socialist jibber-jabber.

If you ask me, there's a pretty clear conspiracy that has been going on here for weeks.

The government shutdown, which conveniently started the same day the Affordable Care Act exchanges opened, was pushed by Republican Sen. Ted Cruz. As soon as the health care website started acting hinky, we learned it was created by a subsidiary of CGI Group, a company based in Canada, a godless, ghastly country ravaged by decades of universal health care coverage.

(The letters CGI stand for Conseillers en Gestion et Informatique, which I believe is French for "We're going to destroy your democracy by making sure poor people get health insurance.")

Now the average person might look at this and think, "Well, too bad we farmed our tech work out to the Canadians, but what's the connection to the government shutdown?"

Good thing I'm not the average person. The GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN was concocted by TED CRUZ who was born IN CANADA which is where the OBAMACARE WEBSITE COMES FROM.

See the connection? In much the same way Obama's presidency was hatched years before his birth and carefully planned out with the insertion of a fake birth notice in a Hawaiian newspaper, Cruz was sent here to provide cover for this communist Muslim president's socialist anarchist health care law.

WAKE UP, PEOPLE!!

Don't be fooled by the Canadian Cruz-Bot sent to distract us. American thought-leaders like Hannity have taught us how imperative it is to assume something is a failure before it actually happens.

Prior to the president's first inauguration in 2009, every far-right pundit worth his or her salt had already declared Obama's presidency a disaster. And before his second inauguration, they declared it a further disaster with extra disaster on top.

I'd be comfortable saying that whatever it is Obama is thinking about doing tomorrow is a horrible idea that will never work out. It just stands to reason.

And if history has taught us anything, it's that positive thinking is a slippery slope down to success. During World War II, Americans came together and believed we could defeat the Nazis, and look what happened. It worked.

In the 1960s, we decided to believe America could put a man on the moon, and next think you know Neil Armstrong was prancing around the lunar surface, shoving our unified optimism right in our faces.

If we come together and believe Obamacare might be anything but an utter disaster, if we for a moment let ourselves think it will succeed, it's entirely possible the law will work and millions of people will get health insurance.

And that, my friends, is going-to-will-have-been an unmitigated disaster.