Sluggers, Zappleheads, Zapplers, Cabbagers, Dukers and other fans of me, my slugs, my books, my cabbages you may soon rejoice as this week, or next, will see the launch of two new books and the re-launch of the current two? New covers, new illustrations, new books, new prices, new slugs, new laughs, new tears and new tea bags. Get ready for a hilarious week of adventure and more Zappleness. The sequel to Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting, Elias Zapple's Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch and... that's about it. Get those pennies out now!

O Elias Zapple, you are so greatfrom the fields that doth bear your nameto the towns that singeth and cryeth for youfor fear of thou which is curly and furry

O Elias Zapple, you are so resplendent in your dashing Zapplenessyour hair in which poetry has been written andrecited through the ages where many a cabbage been throwntossed hither and thither not landing onbut upon noggin of Dieter

O Elias Zapple, emperor of slugmonyambassador to slugs that doth battle for thoufight, explode in all the glory that is thinethee struggle, bleed thickened slush andbringeth home chocolate frosted cupcakes

Basset Hounds are adorable, cute, intelligent, superior, lazy, hungry, sarcastic, pompous, food-obsessed, witty... wait, that's just Duke. Basset Hounds are an incredible canine. I had my first encounter with a Basset Hound when one night, as I slept in my four-poster bed, I was rudely awoken by some strange barking. I rushed downstairs to the parlour to see an adorable Basset Hound staring at me with those say, puppy-dog eyes. He opened his mouth and said nothing because he's a dog and cannot speak, not like us tulips. However, it got me thinking. What if he could speak, what would he say? I went back to sleep, after having kicked the Basset Hound out of the house, and the entire book of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor came to me, page by page, word by word.

Duke was once a Basset Hound puppy. He and his brothers were once little and didn't weight many tonnes. It's hard to believe, I know. This very video just below could very well have been Duke and his brothers Titan, Earl, Prince, Baron and his late German brother, Albert before he withered away.

The Basset Hound is an amazing dog that would have no trouble in finding that small bit of cheese you dropped by the fridge when having a midnight snack. Their short legs mean their noses are close to the ground and can sniff out anything. They would make better police dogs than most, if they could be bothered. However, they prefer to relax, frolic in the grass, eat Country Dog - Premium Nibbles and annoy children on skateboards.