not that i'm saying they're pretty difficult, but they really are kiddies: the playful type. they're all cousins (some are brothers and sisters, which i find cute :D) but they all get along pretty well. they like taking breaks (oh yes they do) and they're all under 5 yrs old. javi's 10 and he just got transferred to sir mar's care -- but he's also a sweet kid too.

that's the kiddies for you, and i have to help sir arnel to teach them.

on my first day at work, i was really just finding my place in the huge room -- because i really didn't know what to do. in the end, after around 3 sessions of seeing the kiddies, i guess i've found my place: practically an all around person :))

but what's fulfilling in teaching the kiddies is that you see them at work while doing their artworks, and in the process, you get a clear picture of what they really are. kat's really what a girl should be, andres is really all-out when it comes to cleanliness, even in his work, mateo has a story beneath every masterpiece, martina likes organizing colors and javi's almost at the stage wherein he has to let go of his childishness, but it's still there as of the moment, so everything's good.

they make a rowdy bunch, and sure, maybe they don't talk too much to strangers (like me), but they're amiable sort of kids who gets swayed easily.

and that's what makes them all so lovable :)) yep, i love working with them so much :D

March 29, 2010

although my feet were slowly dying in my shoes, i still enjoyed last night :)) the food was awesome and oh lord, seeing my friends again (and so many other familiar faces) made me so much happy, i was high the whole night :))

and yep, i managed to pull my 'much more beautiful person (by bowling for soup)' stint off :)) the whole day i was singing it and i was kinda wondering if i was really going to pull it off, because first, it's ROCK and second, this princess doesn't DO rock (although maybe i like listening to it, but i don't sing it out loud)

i'm sure everyone was pretty much amused, and i guess i did well because anna pat liked it, so so much for the embarrassment but OH WELL :))

what i failed to do though, was to arrive early. as a consequence, i only had 2 pictures with kitty ko at photo booth because the thing closed at 10. and i arrived at around 9 30 >> that just sucked, but it was fine :))

and shani just had to sing that song =)) epic win :))

last night was awesome anna pat! congrats! you can now rest your jumpy nerves :))

a few days back (march 26, 2010), ate lorraine accompanied (and toured yet again) me in AdMU. although ate has been there for about 3 years already, we kinda got a bit lost in xavier hall, but it's all right :)

i had my mug shot taken on that day too :)) IF I JUST KNEW BEFORE HAND, i'd have fixed my hair, combed it straight or something but nooooo~ my hair was a mess and there was this white board right under my chin that had my student number scrawled on it.

you guess it, i was kinda laughing pretty hard inside the photo room :)) i was saying 'mug shot! mug shot!' again and again, and i bet the people after me were like 'wtf is this kid yapping about? what's so funny about a mug shot?'

well sorry :)) they just don't get it :))

and then after, we ate at the cafeteria: and instantly fell in love with their mami <3 all right, i might not live with mami alone, but on my first day, promise i'll go back and eat that mami one more time because it tasted so good :))

it had a slice of egg on top ;)

really, i'm pretty hyped up about college, and in AdMU of all places. i guess it's all right that i didn't get to UP even after i cried about it. the fact still remains that i still have a school to go to, therefore i should be content that i'm going to school this coming june.

March 25, 2010

in just a week, i have completely turned over a new leaf -- that is to say, i have been 'reborn' and i see things now as different than what i thought they were. i'm not kidding. i feel the whole 'optimism' and 'happiness' radiating all through out my body the moment i wake up, and every time i lie down every night, i feel like the sugar rush still won't stop.

that's how happy i am, really.

maybe it's because i feel accomplished. i can say that i've been doing a lot of worthwhile stuffs, and i feel happy that i'm writing again, that i'm going out of the house every now and then, that i don't ask my mom much for money (because my grad money hasn't depleted yet) and i think life is just perfect the way things are now.

i wake up early because i have something to look forward to doing -- be it going out to a meeting, or do my job as an art assistant. that sort of thing. and when the afternoon strikes, the house is pretty silent and i could do anything i want (mostly sleep) and when night comes, it's back to the computer with one goal in mind: finish writing those articles :))

it really has been fun, and i hope things stay the way they are. i'm experiencing a whole lot of new things that i've never imagined i could do, but i'm doing them, and it really does feel wonderful.

it makes you feel like you're a whole new person, both inside and out.

oh, and i guess a huge factor of it comes from the fact that i've already moved on with life: i'm over him.

that alone is something to rejoice about :) i mean, for almost close to a year, i've tied myself down to one person who can't even love me back. that turned out to be one thing that dragged me down the most, but now it's done and over; i've lifted that heavy boulder up from my shoulders and threw it far into the sea, never to go back to it again because it's somewhere you can't go to anymore :)

March 22, 2010

Oh Zhar -- one thing i'll definitely remember about you is that the camera just LOVES your face ;)

i'mnot going to disclose details here, because i know you'll appreciate it that way. not because i have anything else to write, but because the things that we usually talk about are very confidential, i don't think i need to use words to convey what i want to tell you about those things -- i know you know what i want to say about them anyway :D

Zhar, i really thank Kate for letting us meet. Lol, that sounded wrong but hey, it's the truth anyway :D i thank her for introducing us to each other three years ago, because right now, if we didn't know each other, we wouldn't be friends and my camera wouldn't be so full of your pictures :))

but seriously, you're one of the people who kept me sane for the first few weeks of sen10r year, and even up till now, i've always depended on you and angel when it came to everything classroom related -- mapa thesis man yan o hindi, mapachenes man or wala, you guys are the only ones i can seem to talk to with reservation, and we're awesome that way.

share ko lang, i really DID feel like crying when your finger got cut by the cutter and you were just shivering as hell while they poured Agua Oxigenada on it. at least it's all healed up right now, right?

in case you want to, start admitting to yourself that i call you my bestfriend, because for all those years that we've known each other, you've always been my bestfriend :D

i don't remember how exactly we got ourselves talking back in second grade, but i sure know that you were so much more wild back then than you are now: because back then you were so gung ho about playing walkie-talkie jollibee with me :)) come to think of it, the set up's just that stupid, i bet we were just testing them out for the fun of it :))

i remember back in the summer before grade 6, i called your house and you didn't even know me anymore. 'who?' 'elisha. i was your classmate in grade four, remember?' -- hanep, NAG ENGLISH PA TAYO EH :)) after maybe 2 minutes, we just hung up, but you know, i still have your number in my little sun-shaped notebook, with YOUR hand writing on it :)

stalker much, yes, but admit it, na-flatter ka naman.

grade five and grade six weren't REALLY the best years of our lives (admit it) so let's fast forward to grade seven: you were even scared to sit down beside me and we ended up sitting far from each other on the first day. but hoh lord, can i just admit that i was so glad you were my classmate? yes i was, and i pretty much enjoyed the year hanging out with you, calling you every night just because it was a habit already, and pretty much we started to discover the wonders of drawing and art once again (remember raining icecream? yes, that was us, with kate :D).

remember when i called you up just to tell you my dad bought me a modem? i was just practically screaming on the phone with excitement, and maybe you thought it was boring, but you were really happy for me as well.

remember the times when you used to say 'utang mo to sakin' but then i ended up never paying for them? that's why we coined the term 'utang-turned-libre' :D because that always happened.

remember when you and kate slipped a note on my locker back in freshman year and it read 'Shing' in pink because you so wanted to test out your new watercolor faber castle pencils? yes, i still have it btw :)) i just need to look for it :P

remember second year when you were just rooms apart and i had to go to another building just to talk to you? you never did like going out so kate and i made it a point to walk towards your building. and when you transferred to our building, we still had to walk you up one floor again before classes started after recess.

remember last year when we just practically shared stories about our NOW ex-es because they were being bitches? chie, i've finally learned that THEY DON'T FRIGGIN DESERVE US AND YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IT.

i know this year wasn't that great, and we fought real bad, and you were there to see me break down, and yet you were still the first one to make amends with me. no, it wasn't kate -- it was YOU.

and that's why i love you :))

i remember way before you said something like: 'if you love someone, let them go, because if they come back, you know they really belong to you. kaya when the time goes, i can let go of you because alam kong babalik ka rin sakin eh'

yes, you DID say that (that was grade seven i think), and for the whole of november and december, that was the only thing i was thinking of: that was what REALLY kept me going, after all :>

chie, thanks for a lot of firsts. oh, don't you go all green on me :)) by firsts, i mean like, first time someone came to my house and slept over, first cosplay event i went to, first mall gala experience that lasted more than 6 hours, first time to go on a vacation with someone other than my family, sharing with me my first heartbreak... i can list a lot, but i know you'll get tired reading them all.

just get the point that you really are indeed very VERY special to me and that'll never change. the eagle can never EVER brainwash me into hating the archers because that's what you are -- and i respect that because for the longest time, you were and have always been talking about going to la salle when i was just ranting on and on about my would-be UP life (that would now never ever happen, but wtf. i'm still in Katipunan and it won't change)

chie, thanks for trusting me with your secrets. i know you and kate usually hide some from me to avoid hurting me, and i guess it's all right because you know i'm a nut case and i can't help it ;) but all the same, i still thank you for trusting me enough.

i'm sorry if i've been overly annoying at sometimes :) i can't help that either :<

but even so, i know you still love me the same way i love you. and no matter what 'walang iwanan at kalimutan' because once you're rich and famous, i'mma leech off you :P no, i'm kidding. we still have loads of dream to fulfill together with the rest (like our grand bar idea -- complete with the books, the artworks, the DRINKS and all the snazzy rooms people could use... for various reasons ;) )

it's not the best picture i could find of her, but it sure does show you why i called her 'bubble' -- now go figure, but don't own it, because i'm the ONLY ONE who could call her that cause she's MY bubble.

period.

first day of sen10r year, i was surprised to see angel lingering around room 5 when she suddenly told me 'classmate kaya kita' and then we fell into a thorough discussion of our options.

yes, what made angel and i closer was the fact that we were newbies to the DD/SD class and our minds had one thought running through them: run!

of course, that didn't happen. angel was more realistic when it came to the whole issue and told me to actually stay, for her sake. i couldn't refuse her then , because she was kate's seatmate for the whole of third year, and i usually asked her loads of favors like 'pakisabi kay kate...' 'pakibigay naman oh..' and things like that.

maybe it was the best decision i made in my whole entire life: and angel had a hand in taking me where i am right now.

you know what, i'm so grateful to you my dear bubble <3 not only were you my thesis mate, my seatmate in physics, my rant mate inside the classroom (along with zhar) and a great classmate, you were one of the people who made this year REALLY special and unforgettable. yeah, i know you had your PMS moments, but i could live with that ;)

i must admit, you're definitely amazing -- you're responsible, you're good with accounting, you pass your requirements on time (something i haven't done for the past two quarters) and you manage to ride every joke and every sabaw moment that zhar and i have. admit it, both of us usually are too weird to handle, but you were always there to listen to us everyday -- because you're never absent :D

thanks for being an awesome friend :) i know, you must've heard a thousand justin stories from me, even until the very end, but you put up with that. not only, you bluntly told me advice that i sure did need. it's only now that everything sunk in, you know. it's not like i wasn't listening to you back then, it's just that i guess i've finally woken up from that dream and i'm about to jump to another -- if i find it.

thanks for entrusting me with your secret too ;) i shall keep it forever in my heart and die with it.

i hope i'll still see you sometime. UE is very very far from Katipunan and maybe the only time we'll see each other is that when you use the LRT and then the MRT home, because we'll definitely cross paths in Cubao, gateway ;)

i still can't get over the fact that you're so much older than me, but hey, i have to live with it ;)

i've always been aware of anapat's presence: that dark, twisted brain of hers emitting waves that just practically caused me to shiver, but it's not always the case.

maybe the only time i really got to know anapat was when we were asked to layout our book for GIFT last year. that was when i discovered that she was a great artists, that she was awesomely amazing when it came to art and that her concepts were so awesome, they would've won any award.

i could still remember the awkward phone calls i had with her during the first weeks of us being a team. i really had no idea how to talk to her because she was all english and i just had to answer her in filipino because i was in no mood to correct myself.

but that soon went away when we seriously started to work on the layout. who cared if we didn't talk in the same dialect, huh? as long as we got the job done right?

she was the first person who i admitted to that i had no friggin idea how to use Adobe InDesign, but i still winged the whole thing anyway back at the OCEA. i was wishing back then that sir velarde also wrote her name on the excuse letter they gave to sister TA, because it was REALLY hard to do the whole thing, all alone, with someone i didn't know (who turned out to be Ms. De la Paz, my awesome and lovely english teacher :P)

remember anapat when ms. de la paz got mad at you for not greeting her? i was so scared for you back then :|

until now, anapat's still my partner when it came to various GIFT projects, especially for the recent one we just didn't finish :| oh, and i'm still sad about it, but what can we do anyway? LOL.

thanks anapat. this year wouldn't be awesome without you. i enjoy all those meetings we had, all the yearbook stress and angst, all that chismis we shared in YM and everything. but one thing i'd like to thank you for would be your support: it never did falter. not even once. seriously, you would always say 'go shinglet!~' even if i was all 'no way i can't do that :<'. you were always there to read my stats in Ym and you would always have to react to them, no matter how absurd they may sound, but they all make sense to you, and i don't really know why :>

maybe it's because you're awesome that you understand :D i hope you continue being awesome :) and when you're out there already, in the big world, trying to gain world domination, i hope you count me in as one of your generals, because i'd go that far for you.

shani has always been good in math. the moment i met her, i knew she was awesome with numbers. no really.

that was how it all started for us: we were randomly picked as a pair to man the booth we had back in 1st year (i think we did a lounge sort of thing), and we ended up finally talking to each other, even if we were GIFT mates for months.

well, you can guess that she counted the money and took note of them while i was the one asking for it from the people entering. and in between, we were just talking about jugoku shojou's opening theme song 'sakasama no chou' -- because the wallet i stole from kate had a copy of the lyrics :P by the end of the 4 hour shift, we were officially friends :)

what's more, God made it possible for us to be classmates in second year, and oh Lord, i need to thank you for that. Shani and Kitty made second year bearable. Shani was just a seat apart from me, so when Essa wanted to change seats, we would always comply ;)

and during the annual retreat, we had this phrase called 'divorcee' because we actually promised to stick our beds together but our other classmates pulled them away :))

for the longest time, it would always be shani who would be the first person who i'd run to when i needed to cry or vent out something. shani would prepteually be my cram mate, especially in GIFT, because that's where we usually cram together. shani would forever be the girl who, for me, would perpetually have that boy toy of hers just around the corner, the one who actually had the guts to make fun of her hair.

about shani's hair -- i've seen a complete transformation of it ;) it looks best now btw :D

shani, thanks for always being there, at the other classroom, ready to hear me out when i needed you to. thanks for understanding me the best. thanks for being so patient with me, letting me take a look at your notes in physics and in any other subject, for being so smart and so cool, even if you don't admit it, for lending me books, for walking with me during lunch time when we had nothing else to do, for watching with me a whole lot of plays and movies, for supporting every little thing that i actually do and for just being the shani that everyone loves and who loves me too <3

i bet when we grow old, and even if we're in college, we'll still watch those plays together :)) don't forget to call me when it's time for the oblation run ;)

yes, sakasama no chou just ended on my playlist, but our friendship will never EVER end. and don't you forget it :)

March 15, 2010

this morning, my cousin texted me and said that she sent something on fb and i had to check it out. so obviously, i got out of bed and raced downstairs to open my computer -- because i was absent and it was already 11 am. who goes to school at 11? i blame the DVD for making me feel dizzy when i woke up at 5 am

anyway, going back to the point, i checked the message and got interested. who wouldn't? ate aei was seriously talking about one awesome summer job :)

(and i shall share because i know someone who's reading this who knows how to write in an awesome manner *wink*)

Hi Shing!

I just started work at Havoc Digital Inc, a digital marketing group in Makati, and we’re starting this media project that’s perfect for Net-savvy geeks (who can write) like us! Do you happen to be a forum junkie, a witty writer, and someone willing to take up writing articles part-time?

We’re looking for someone tech-savvy who can consistently write two 3-to-5-sentence articles every day, based on PinoyExchange forum threads. Topics can be anything from IronMan 2, political rivalry, local celeb gossip, travel tips, beauty tips, tech hacks, etc.

We’ll provide a general direction of topic trends, though contributors mostly have the free hand to choose what they’ll write about, based on any of the gabazillion PEx threads.

Articles will be like "intros" for the threads: First few sentences talks about the topic then wrapped up by a linked closing sentence, which directs the readers to a specific topic thread. At least one thumbnail/image should be in the article too.

If you become a contributor, we’ll give you access to a Wordpress CMS that you can open from anywhere with internet and a computer, where you’ll create and submit your work. Articles get published as soon as we approve it (which is only like a minute or so away, unless you submit stuff in advance!).

Contributors will be compensated on a per-article basis.

This is chance is rewarding allowance-/extra-kicks/writing-experience-wise, especially for those who are passionate and interested in the tech and online industries!

If you feel like you're up to the task, just reply to this message or go ahead and email me at aleli@havocdigital.com your cover letter, resume, and at least three sample blog entries or articles. If you also know someone who fits the bill, maybe you can refer them to me too?

I'm excited to hear from you Shing! Hope all is well and great so far in your summer! ^_~

this got me totally excited so the whole morning, i was trying to piece together one awesome resume and cover letter. but the problem was, i didn't know HOW to write one and i had totally no clue how resumes went.i discussed this thoroughly with Hrin and she kinda help me edit and get through with everything i needed to pass.

after thoroughly going over a dozen or so web pages discussing how to write resumes, do's and dont's, samples and whatnot, i was getting confused. did skills come first before achievements or vice versa? do i have to state this experience or not? is this even RIGHT?!?

i was in a total hiatus to get it done before the day ended, because i really wanted to finish it, and i needed to make it sound impressive as well. hell, i even wrote down on my skills ' able to write 80 words per minute' just right after timing myself while i typed. i am not kidding, i must've looked like a complete idiot with the watch.

don't laugh. it was the best i could do. i've totally forgotten how i managed to finish my UP/Ateneo/Lasalle/UST app forms and jobspice.com didn't exactly have the usual structured, usual fill-out form i've been used to seeing since last year.

but it was damn helpful... and free too :)

and the cover letter was just totally screwed up in a way because it didn't exactly talk about my skills... it more of focused on the idea that i was more than willing to write for them and that i really wanted the job :) i am so not posting that one though :)) it's embarrassing >////<

all in all, i guess i did a good job for my first ever serious resume... and at high school for that matter! another experience point for me!

March 14, 2010

for the people who i love terribly, here's something for you to listen to.

don't forget that even if we graduate, i'll still be there for you, the way i always do. so if you need someone to listen, to talk, to hug and to just fool around, you can count on me.

no matter how far away and how far apart, there'll always be a way for us to stay together :) i've written down every birthday, every special event, and when the time comes, you know it'll be me who's calling you :P

i hope that when high school ends, our friendship never will. after four years, i've come to love and cherish you, as if you guys were the very air i breathe. i enjoyed all those moments, all those memories, even if some of you made me cry and hurt all over, it doesn't matter anymore. those things happened for a reason, and i know that when we sing our last songs, everything that happened to us, every risk and every jump where all worth it.

i will and can never regret all those stupid things we did.

i will and can never forget every bit of conversation we had.

sabi nga, walang iwanan, diba? walang kalimutan?

one day, when we're old enough, let's all start an epically wonderful idea and build all of our dreams into a reality. yeah. i'm really looking forward to that :)

(thank you trisha javier for singing this song last friday :P you were awesome :D)

because it's just a week before graduation, i though i'd start on my awesome grad gift project.

and for the last time, i changed the concept again. first of all, it should've been a wallet of some sorts and i was going to go ahead and teach myself using these tutorials:

they're called 'Easy Peasy Snap' wallets (by CheyElizabeth) and i've been meaning to make them ever since Christmas, but since i didn't have enough money (even until now), i wasn't able to accomplish it. plus, the sewing machine broke down loads of times and there was no point in using it anymore. my mom didn't want to buy another one, so if i wanted to make these wallets, i would have to sew them by hand. i hesitated and ended up giving up on the idea.

another one of my bizarre ideas is this one, the Quilted Wallet (by that*darn*kat). supposedly i was going to make one for my mom but then while i was looking through the steps, i found them really hard to understand. i mean, i'm no veteran in sewing (i can classify myself as an alien to it) so yes, i gave up on the idea again as well. but i thought it was really pretty.

yes, i've been meaning to do a lot of things but it turns out that it's either i got disheartened or i was too damn ass lazy to start them.

but this time i've found a fool proof, super easy to make grad gift that i could do a whole lot in just one day :) and it's pretty meaningful too :)

i want to disclose some details but i know a few of my friends read my blog from time to time so i'll stay quiet for now :)) but rest assured i'm making them right now and it's pretty fun to do :)) plus i get to write a few things for them too, so it's all good.

what i'm working on right now though is the fact that the materials i have are just a few (considering how i got them) so i might end up giving only a few grad gifts when i wanted to make a lot. oh well... i hope they turn out good all the same ;)

March 11, 2010

I remember the time when i took the ACET, my essay question went something like 'how can non-voters help in the May 2010 elections?'. i had only 5 minutes to spare (since the test part itself was quite time consuming) and i needed a quick fix that would sound really convinving and different at the same time.

i'm not sure if it really convinced the people who read my essay, but i wrote down that non-voters still needed to voice out their opinions. i mean, non-voters have minds too, and since we were all taught to read, write and talk, then definitely we're able to express our opinions freely. if non-voters do that, then surely those who are at the right age (for example their parents) would be able to add those opinions to their list of pros and cons, making the May 2010 elections so much more meaningful and well-thought.

well, that's definitely how i looked at it during September of last year, but it sure seems different now.

about a month ago, my org mates basically just showed up in the middle of the night to ask me to sign a PPCRV application form. i've been hearing them say something about PPCRV but i haven't really payed attention to them. i didn't even asked details: i just took the paper and wrote on it without even thinking of what i was getting myself into (although i know it wasn't bad because my organization's not some illegal thing).

so i did a little research on what this so called PPCRV was and lo and behold, it had something to do with the elections.

PPCRV stands for Parish Pastoral Council For Responsible Voting and from what i understand, it's a movement for

"Clean,Honest, Accurate, Meaningful and Peaceful election(s)"

Honestly, because of my schedule as a Senior, i haven't been to the past meetings before but last last Saturday, i was able to attend one. It was even an emergency meeting so i was the only one from my org who was present.

but it wasn't at all bad. i found out that what we're really supposed to do was to educate the masses of the upcoming elections, how they should vote and use the new and advanced election system the government has put up, share guidelines on how they should choose from the many candidates and so on.

i'm a non-voter honestly, so i listened carefully. i found the election process to be quite interesting, especially the new electronic system the whole Philippines would be using come May 10. it's a tad bit complicated, and a lot of questions were raised about how and what will happen after so and so person does this and that to the ballot.

after the meeting, all the way home, i was thinking how important the elections were and that people should actually take it really seriously. i've heard stories of how people would really sell their votes for money. the way i see it, it's like selling your soul.

in economics, our teacher presented to us a dozen of graphs showing the Philippine economy, our imports, our exports, our priorities, our GNPs and GPAs, and i felt a little sad that (honestly) our economy has started to dwindle down.

'it's because of corruption'

oh yes, corruption. the way people on top pocket money for themselves. why? when they die, will God eventually ask them how much money they had when they were alive? i don't even think the physical things matter in heaven and i'm pretty sure we're all going there one way or another without anything, even a coin.

i can see that we Filipinos are really hard workers and we really are a diligent bunch, but nothing will happen to us if everyone on top aren't willing to help us out.

i know being a volunteer in the PPCRV is just like being another tiny molecule in the ocean, but i hope it makes a difference. not even. if everyone just thought of being honest and fair for once, then maybe life would turn better and in the near future, we'll all rise from this poverty we're in and finally take-off to the next level :)

--shing

references:

Parish Pastoral Council For Responsible Voting official website: click here

March 10, 2010

this one actually seems sad because shaniqua, lorraine, anapat and i worked hard to come up with a brilliant scheme for this comic, but we had to discontinue this one because i don't think we need to submit this one anymore.

(character plug :P)

i hope someday we'll pick this up one again, polish the plot and then start all over again. i find the plot really interesting and the many times where we tried looking for a perfect title but ended up with 'metanoia' or something like that -- titles which were unappealing but lorraine sounded sure that it was fitting enough :))

right now, i'm currently editing the last missing write-up sent to me. once i finish and send this, i'm about 95% done with my obligation to the yearbook.

it has definitely been fun. i mean, sure it wasn't fun when almost every morning i had to be out chasing class representatives, when i had to meet deadlines, when i had people bickering behind my back. i admit, i lack the skills to be a leader. i've never been good at that, but at least now i've proved to myself that i can survive in being one.

after i turn in this one last write-up, i can actually start rejoicing because i can. i feel like i've done and achieved something great. i've done a feat that someone as ordinary as me wouldn't even dream of doing.

months ago, i was up to this for supporting my best friends, but down the road, i found myself digging deep in the dirt with them. i don't even know why i did, but i did it :)

i'm so proud.

to all the writers who've worked for the seniors yearbook 0910, if ever you're reading this, know that i am so proud of you guys as well :) you guys tried your best to meet the deadlines :D yey! :) i promise we'll party like crazy when the yb's finally out :) thanks for being there for me and doing your job, with the addition of your other obligations. i know some of you found it difficult because of other things, but i hope the yb never really did kill you :) i love you guys! <3

I've known her for at least 5 years already. Back when we were in the seventh grade, we became club mates at Young Librarians, but we really didn't mind each other during that time. From 1st year to 4th year, she's also been my GIFT mate, but it's only now that we've become awesome friends.

Seatmate, if ever you might be reading this, you should know that you're the BEST seatmate i've ever had ever since i started school. No really. You're one awesome seatmate who sleeps when i do, who laughs when i do, who doesn't even try standing up even if the teacher's inside the room. The 2 quarters being stuck with you was really awesome, and i'm being honest. I'd totally miss you when you're absent and the front really feels lonely without you.

maybe we became really close because it was just the two of us at the front. the other half was on the other side and we usually just had fun talking while classes were going on.

i'll really never forget the time when ms. de la paz lectured us about sleeping :)) like c'mon, i thought you'd wake me up but it turns out that you also slept :)) why is it we just end up sleeping anyway?!? =))

you've always put up with my weird antics and sometimes retort back, and then we'd end up bickering at each other until we end up laughing because it's just really stupid to bicker about things that don't even exist in the first place.

i really love tying your hair up too :) promise, you look way prettier with the pony tail up, instead of down :D even hiroe says so, and she's your mother ;)

thanks for being my right hand too and my support group when everything feel to pieces during the 3rd quarter. i swear, if it weren't for you, i'd end up just brawling on and on inside the classroom and i wouldn't even care if classes came to a halt because of me.

you're really a wonderful person. and even though you're small and nice to hug and poke and just pester, you've got one big big big big BIG heart <3

seatmate, wait for me in UP diliman okay? :D i'll be there for sure! :) and if they won't allow me, then i'll still come visit you there (because c'mon, i won't be seperated from my dream school that easily. so even if i'll study in ateneo, i'm still going to stroll the UP campus fropm time to time ;) )

a little while ago, i was scanning my blog page when i found under my 'current projects' the project entitled 'affiliates of a lifetime'. i'm sure i've never explained this before, and i don't really remember why i wanted to do this one, so i'll take my own little time explaining it.

basically, i just wanted to compile a sort of 'people book' and write about them. in my life time, there were a lot of people who came into my life and somehow touched me. they're the people who stuck to me no matter what, who trusted me and cared for me, who understood me even better than myself and loved me for who i am.

they might not really end up looking at the things i've written for them, but in the years to come, i want to remember how i looked at them when i was just seventeen.

March 9, 2010

but although it has been exactly 3 days after the graduation ball, i still feel the same happiness i felt during the night itself. i can still feel the same anticipation, the same nervousness, the same gladness and the same pure idiotic intentions i have come to admit that truly and really, was the most stupidest thing i've done in my whole entire life.

but i don't regret it. i never did.

a day before the grad ball, i stayed at home because of two reasons:
1. my dad was leaving (refer to this blog post)
2. i was mentally preparing myself. either for the worst or for the better.

so maybe you don't understand what i'm trying to say here. bottom line: i invited my all time crush as my graduation ball date and i was seriously freaking out. and if i knew how to or if i were capable, i'd induce hyperventilating to actually stress my point further.

i'm not really sure now if i like him or love him. there really is a thin line separating those two words and sometimes, it gets blurry to the point that it's almost hopeless to distinguish one from the other. but before the grad ball, i was sure that i just liked him. maybe obsessively liked, but i still liked him all the same.

come saturday at 3:00 pm, i was breathing in slowly at the salon, trying to calm down my jumpy nerves. that was it. that was where the nervousness started: the moment foundation was smeared on my face, i'm sure i've started to chant inwardly 'there's no turning back... there's no turning back...'

and the hours sped by. i was consciously looking at my cellphone's watch every now and than and by the time 6 pm struck, i was already at school, in my dress, with a little tiara on my head, all dolled up for the occasion with only courage holding on to my feet just to keep me from falling.

have you ever pictured a scenario where in from afar, you see the guy of your dreams slowly emerging from the closed door and as if he knew where to go, starts walking across the room towards you?

sure, i pictured that, but it never did happen. i guess i blame my stupidity for it, but i took the 'we'll fetch him from the basement (parking lot)' message and equated it to 'he'll come by car so i must look at all the cars that would pass by'message.

so yes, i did. i just looked at the cars while kate and i talked about every other random little detail we knew. i didn't even hear my name being called until it was kate screeching it. i turn around and voila! he's standing right there in front of me, all decked out in a manly fashion that i wanted to just fall on my knees and gape.

(justin, i'm sorry if you've come this far but i suggest you hit the back button and forget you started reading this... just in case ;D)

justin isn't at all the drop-dead-gorgeous guy you'd see in tv or in movies. he's more of like the ordinary (yet extraordinary) typical kind of guy. he has average looks but with an ultimately big heart. he's into swimming (i guess that's why he's dark) and he's in his school student coordinating team. so far, i've learned that he's a smart ass, kind-hearted person and he's sort of a martyr too. i think he's clearly a masochist but i'm not sure about that either. he has loads of friends (when i lack a lot) and he's undeniably witty at times. he's not into the modern-day society way of thinking and he keeps his distances when he knows he has to.

in short, he's your modern day gentleman, a straight descendant of those who lived in the era of Queen Victoria of England.

the moment my eyes landed on his, my mouth suddenly quirked into this shy awkward smile. how i know what kind of smile it was, well, that was just a guess, but i feel like i clearly mirrored the same smile on his face.

true, it was both our first time to go on a ball/dance/party with a date.

i forgot how he phrased it but the first thing he said after saying 'hi' was a complement to how i looked. whatever it was he said, i'm pretty sure it was akin to being pretty because it made me smile more.

and i met his mom too. although i hid behind him most of the time. i now ask myself why i even did that, but i guess that was something i wasn't ready to do. i could only manage a feeble wave and an even more feeble 'hello po'

when his mom and bea's parents were gone, we were just staring at each other, occasionally laughing to shake off a few bits of awkwardness. i mean, c'mon, for almost a year i haven't seen him but i had this big crush on him i couldn't really shove off.

'feel ko kinakabahan ako'

'ha! anu ka ba? dapat ako nagsasabi niyan eh'

laugh

'so... shall we go?'

he stretched his arm a bit and for a moment, i puzzled over what to do with it actually. should i? could i? whatever. i carefully twined my arm with his and walked.

that was just the start. that was the beginning.

so yes, maybe i was civilized during the early part of the grad ball, but by dinner time, i was totally losing composure and i couldn't resist but revert back to my old chatty, crazy self. i was laughing all over the place, going to places, dragging him everywhere, introducing him to this and that, talking about anything random...

i've had inward fan girl thoughts, especially when i poked him on the stomach and was amazed that it was seriously hard. no kidding, he had abs dude :| it was all fat and jello 10 months ago but hey, they're on their way to become abs :P and well, he grew taller too :) but i t was still fine for me that i wore flats :P it was to my utter advantage!~

there were really cute moments when we'd get our picture taken, or when he'd hold my stuff for me, or he'd get my drink. when we tasted the creme brulee together (because kate gave hers to me when i gave her my mango tart) and then we both put our teaspoons down at the same time and laughed because it tasted bad (well, for us, it did). when he allowed me to cling to his arm when i felt like it and when he never complained if i dragged him by the wrist or by the hand. when he asked if he should get water for me and i didn't want him to get it and we practically had to race back to the hall (i win of course ;P). when he didn't complain too much when i asked a lot and even answered every question i threw.

you know what, i really shouldn't have talked that much. i clearly remember that since we didn't hear each other exactly that well inside the venue, i had to inch close to his ear and sort of whisper/talk. sometimes my lips would even brush his ear, just momentarily like a fleeting second, and somehow it went unnoticed.

(bea, if you've also gone this far, i suggest you hit that back button as well. i don't know if justin told you everything i did but just in case... i don't want you to kill me tomorrow -- whenever that may be)

and when the dancing started. oh lord, i lost it. i was just practically living on the dance floor. sometimes i'd drag him with me but then he'd go back to the table and just stand there quietly. then i'd have to drag him again. i think i remember saying 'you're not stepping out of here until you take off that coat of yours' -- but of course, that never happened.

he was kind enough to go with kate chie (and myself) for pictures! :) yes, i've got loads of pictures but the most memorable one would be probably this one

because it is awesome :P definitely says a lot about the two of us :))

then the slow dance.

oh that one awkward slow dance.

it was kate who pushed us to do it. she was saying 'they're going to play slow songs so you guys should slow dance. just do it' and practically shoved us back inside the hall. while walking, i was gushing off how weird this looked and all that when he suddenly said 'ayaw mo ata eh' and proceeded to go back to where we were. oh yeah, guess what i did. i stopped him and clung to him like crazy and totally admitted 'oo na, gusto ko'.

he caught me there.

at first we just stood there and we didn't even touch and just swayed and talked when zhar suddenly arrived and said (practically screaming) 'ANONG KLASENG SLOW DANCE YAN! DAPAT GANITO!' so she grabs both of our hands and mashes it together, gets my other hand and slumps it to his shoulder. justin followed suit by holding my waist.

oh yes, i can remember the triumphant grin on zhar's face. priceless, if i weren't in a mortified state. fingers intertwined and slightly swaying back and forth in time with the song entitled 'No Air'.

so zhar goes back to her slow dance partner and we continue in silence. oh i could feel the awkwardness all right. i felt like crying badly, but i wasn't about to: not in front of him. i knew from the very start he didn't like me the same way i liked him, but it was ONE night. i had ONE night to own him, and if it that was what it took, then so be it.

a few minutes later, after glancing at the other couples, i blurted out the first idiotic thing i could think off

'i'm not going to do that'

(by that, i mean, wrapping my arms around his neck and bring our faces a bit more closer)

giggle. laugh. glance back.

i could still remember his low, baritone voice saying these words in reply:

'of course. limitations'

maybe at that moment, at that exact time he stopped speaking, when the words registered in my head.... i think i fell for him harder than i even meant to. (thus the reason why i can't say if i LIKE him or LOVE him).

we kept on the slow dancing for the entire song and half of 'Take a Bow' when we called it quits and just walked away from the dance floor arm in arm.

back then, i could feel the disappointment wash all over me, but it's only now that i realize that it was really for the good, if it weren't for the better. but anyway, i went back to the dancefloor and danced some more to shake off the dissapointment, leaving justin to kate and ichie's care.

when i came back, angel was kinda lecturing me about 'you shouldn't have left him' when he went to get some water. i couldn't really tell her back then why i left because i wouldn't think she'd take that as an excuse. i mean, of course they'd take his side of the story being left alone by the girl who asked him out.

but i couldn't push him any further. from the moment 10 pm struck, i could feel that he was starting to slip away. even during the slow dance i could feel like he was going to doze off. no kidding, he was tired, and i was REALLY pushing him to his limits already. he had some practice hours (swimming i guess) before the grad ball and the day before i don't think he was even home. angel wouldn't have known that but i did. so as mean as it may sound, i wanted to enjoy my grad ball dancing on the dance floor like crazy even if it meant leaving him because i was afraid he'd totally get mad at me for pushing him to do the impossible... especially at his state.

i forgot to mention that our base was the spot just beside the washroom, in front of the classroom near the stairs.

when we were the only ones left sitting on the floor, i couldn't help but do what couples usually do: i just practically slumped my body against him and laid my head on his shoulder. it felt nice really, couple or not, because it did. and we talked like that. of course i pulled away when i thought i was overdoing it but it was really... well... he didn't complain, didn't he? :)

when the event finally had to end, we were at loss for words. well, i was. i was wishing the night would never end, but that was just me. me and my wishful hoping. of course it should have an end :) everything does anyway.

so were we just standing behind bea and the others who were going to the after party, me excluded because i never got invited to it and because i was never allowed to go to one. we weren't really talking to each other by that time, and i was busy trying to take my attention off him already because, as i said before, i really hated good byes.

beforehand, i had a feeling that it would be the last time i'd see him after many many many years to come. i don't know where i got that idea, but i'm pretty sure it's the truth. asking him helped me piece a lot of missing spaces together. i've come up with one conclusion: it's either i take an effort to see him or i just wait for fate to lead us back together.

i vote for the latter.

their car came in first. funny how my car was just around 6 cars away but i didn't mention that.

i don't exactly know who initiated it, but we hugged. i don't remember if he looked at me asking for one or i did it on my own, but we just did.

and then, it happened.

i seriously wasn't thinking. my mind wasn't processing anything and i might've gone blank when i did it.

even before we could both let go, i took the chance and planted one, firm kiss on his cheek. just one. i've been dreaming to do that ever since summer but it had to happen that night. and oh lord, i thought i'd linger there for a few more second before entirely (but slowly) pull myself away.

(i find that kiss perfect btw. it was straight smack in the middle. not like the kisses i usually give to my friends that are off target and sometimes would land too close to the ear or too close to the mouth. it was just there, dead center.)

you know, what's funny is that the night started with a shy awkward smile and it ended with the both of us eliciting shy awkward smiles of our own.

i watched the car go with one single thought in mind: that no matter how crazy the night might have been, no matter how pathetic my passes to him were, i could not absolutely regret anything and everything that i did.

March 5, 2010

i hate seeing backs being turned or hearing even the words 'bye' spilling out of other people's mouths. it makes me want to think of the time i'll have to endure without that person. i just hate it when that happens.

in short, i hate it when my father leaves. and yes, it'll be another 7 months before i get to see him again. that's the reason why i excused myself from school today. this hurts more than it really should because i'm graduating and he won't see me leave high school for good when in fact he and my mom are the two people who have kept me going on for the past 4 years i've stayed in school, trying my best and almost killing myself because of the workload and the demand they give there.

and i'm going off to college too.

but i'm not saying he can't give me the support i need over the phone. i usually hear him out when he calls on Sundays. but i guess it's so much better to actually have him here with us because life's more fun that way.

why does earning money have to be so hard? i can't believe people actually have to go out to earn money elsewhere. I believe that the government should do something about this, really. ever since 4th grade, i've been seeing my dad leave time and time again and would only come back for at least two to 3 months and then it's goodbye again till next year.

i bet those people in the government never had to experience this. they call OFWs the 'new hero' without even feeling it for themselves how hard it is for their families and for themselves. i wish things would be easier and the quality of life would gradually turn for the better because really, this just sucks.

March 1, 2010

there were times when i'd sit in front of the telly and just watch allt hose inside it flaunt their obviously flawless white skin. you can scratch out the white part because i've never dreamed of turning into a different shade of color, but the flawless part...

i just wish i had a face that was flawless too.

so that drove me into the conclusion that maybe it was high time to see a dermatologist. well, the plan was initially to get a facial, but because i was underage (i'm 17 if you must know. just a year short of becoming a full-fledged adult), i had to undergo a consultation check-up with a dermatologist. maybe it was because to be on the safe side, but i couldn't care less about it.

after 15 minutes, i was carted off to the washroom with a bottle of facial wash. i forgot what they called it, but it was the first step if i wanted to get things done.

maybe it was a bit impulsive of me. or maybe i had a screw loose, but i actually agreed to have this thing called 'acne surgery'. from the term itself, i was actually freaked out already, but i had one goal in mind: to be pretty. it was one thing that kept me going until the moment i was told to lie down on the bed with a lamp light just in front of my face.

the aim of the whole thing was to simply remove the blackheads that littered my face. i didn't try glimpsing at the torture instrument being used on me for fear that i'd feel the pain more if i knew what was digging in to my skin :|

the forehead was fine. the cheeks were okay. but when it came to the nose and the surrounding area, i was crying from the pain, and the doctor laughed. maybe she's seen a lot of my kind, and that sort of thing amused her. couldn't blame her :| if i were her, i'd laugh too :))

post-surgery: hello red blots on my face :| i hope you go away in due time.

and the bill. OH LORD the bill. i've told my mom countless of times that 'vanity has its price' and it was really no joke. the whole thing, with the additional toner and day and night cream i have yet to understand why i have to put, cost around little less than 2k.

i thought my heart wouldn't take it.

i don't see how it's all worth it now, but i hope real soon i see the difference. i still want to look pretty, and even if it takes ma a long time, it's okay :) as long as i get there, then i'll be fine.