The science of shyness

Shy people have quite a bit to contend with - not least the word itself.
It has a number of different meanings, none of which are
flattering. To "shy away" from something implies avoidance; to "shy"
can also mean to move suddenly in fright; to "be shy of" something can
mean to come up short, or be insufficient.
And to be a shy person in our extrovert-worshipping age can be seen
as being inadequate for the task of relentlessly positive
self-presentation.
I recently wrote a memoir called "Shy" as part of a PhD in Creative
Writing at RMIT University and have been exploring the different
definitions of the word "shy" as part of a quest to understand the
impact of shyness on my own life story. As at least 40 per cent of us
would self-identify as shy, I suspect my deep interest in this subject
will be shared by many fellow-sufferers.
Psychologists would say it is a temperament trait, one that can
induce feelings of social anxiety ranging from mildly distressing to
severely debilitating. I have been relieved to discover, though, that
shyness is also accompanied by a range of socially useful and positive
character attributes.
Part of my research involved interviewing my mother, Melbourne
University psychologist Margot Prior, who has been studying temperament
for more than three decades. In her view, all children fit somewhere
on a spectrum called "approach-withdrawal," ranging from the most
engaged and extroverted kids to the most withdrawn, fearful and anxious
kids.
For the shy ones among us, this fear comes from our biology, specifically from the reactivity of our nervous systems.
American psychologist Jerome Kagan has studied the physical symptoms
of so-called "timid" and "bold" children and found in the timid ones a
neural circuitry that is highly reactive to even mild stress.
In short, those children were shown to sweat more and their hearts
beat faster in response to new situations. Some kids grow out of
shyness, but many of us carry this anxiety into adulthood, when this
reactivity commonly manifests as blushing, trembling and
hyperventilating.
I had two shy parents, so it is hardly surprising that I inherited a
large dose of shyness. As a child and teen-ager, I found that this
shyness often got in the way of my initiating social contact for fear
of rejection. As an adult, I have grappled with social anxiety and been
forced to find strategies to overcome my irrational fears.
One such strategy has been to create professional personas for
myself, enabling me to function as an apparent extrovert in the
workplace. In the memoir I label this persona "Professional Sian" and
analyse how she has managed to perform the roles of environment
campaigner, choral conductor, opera singer, broadcaster, arts critic and
university lecturer.
I now call myself a "shy extrovert." If I was an introvert, I might
be quite happy to remain in the background and avoid social
situations. Shy people long for social connections but have to fight
through a thicket of fears to make those connections.
Managing anxiety often comes at a cost to the shy person's body.
Swinburne University psychologist Simon Knowles has studied the
"brain-gut axis" and its role in the fraught relationship between
anxiety and the gastro-intestinal system.
Many of Knowles' anxious patients present with IBS (irritable bowel
syndrome), an inflammatory bowel condition caused by the interaction
between the gut's nervous system and the brain. My own digestive system
has reacted to decades of nervous stress by developing a broad range
of food intolerances.
While the symptoms of shyness can be difficult to control, the
distress of social anxiety can be compounded by feelings of shame and
embarrassment. We shy people often feel like incompetent idiots in
social situations.
English sociologist Susie Scott believes this feeling of relative
incompetence is central to the experience of shyness. But she blames
these feelings on what she calls "the illusion of competence": the
mistaken belief that we all have to present ourselves as socially
competent all the time.
In her 2007 book "Shyness and Society: The Illusion of Competence,"
Scott argues that shy people are perceived as failing to pull their
weight in social situations and that, while non-shyness is seen as
normal and acceptable, shyness is seen as deviant and undesirable.
The misperception of shyness as rudeness or aloofness plagues shy
people, but in fact we long for social inclusion and connection.
But the news is not all bad. According to Macquarie University
psychologist Ron Rapee, shyness usually comes with a range of positive
attributes, including greater sensitivity and greater levels of
honesty.
When I interviewed Rapee, he told me shy people were often
reliable, conscientious and good listeners who demonstrated high levels
of empathy. Many shy people can be found in the caring professions,
working in roles that are generally non-self-aggrandising and
non-domineering.
The social acceptability of shyness is also somewhat dependent on
the culture in which you're living. According to Canadian psychologist
Xinyin Chen, while North American parents typically react to their
children's shy-inhibited behavior with disappointment, in
group-oriented societies such as China, shy-inhibited behavior may be
encouraged because it is conducive to group organisation.
My autobiographical quest to understand shyness has not "cured" me
of this temperament trait, as I had hoped. But it has erased my shame
and embarrassment about my social anxiety and reassured me that without
shy people the world would be a far less compassionate place.

Zinat Hanna is a full time writer who spends most of his time in
the coffee shops of Texas. Zinat has a BSc in psychology. Her
other interests are self improvement, general health, trans-humanism and
brain training. As well as writing for websites and magazines, she also
runs her own sites and has published several books and apps on these
topics. She lives in Texas, USA with her boyfriend and in her spare
time she enjoys climbing, travelling, playing games, reading comics and
eating sandwiches.

About Me

Zinat Hanna is a full time writer who spends most of his time in
the coffee shops of Texas. Zinat has a BSc in psychology. Her
other interests are self improvement, general health, trans-humanism and
brain training. As well as writing for websites and magazines, she also
runs her own sites and has published several books and apps on these
topics. She lives in Texas, USA with her boyfriend and in her spare
time she enjoys climbing, travelling, playing games, reading comics and
eating sandwiches.