Now today Tubularsock was in the process of cleaning his underground solar panels that provide off-grid power to Tubularsock’s top floor corner office of his underground bunker that overlooks Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA when Tubularsock started to think about sex.

Now it is almost a proven fact that when you are in the process of cleaning, your mind wonders off to thoughts of sex. No really, it’s kind of scientific.

And maybe just the monotony of cleaning reminds one of the monotony of the “missionary-position” of sexual intercourse. No really, it’s kind of scientific.

Now if Tubularsock just thought of the hedonist’s position toward sexual intercourse, a voluptuary thought indeed, then that could be satisfactory. But no, Tubularsock’s thoughts penetrate to a deeper level. That of the role that religion plays within the sexual formula. No really, it’s kind of scientific.

Now, I know many of you are going to say, “There goes Tubularsock and his prurient interests again”. But no, Tubularsock is ONLY doing this for YOUR prurient interests because if you have not stopped reading this yet then you are wondering, where in the fuck is Tubularsock going with this? And really, Tubularsock knows that you too are interested in Tubularsock’s almost scientific pontifications.

Well sex and religion go together as well as gonorrhea and syphilis so to speak.

Religions have always been interested in sex ….. in THOUGHT and in DEED. No stone is left unturned here.

Every religious organization (Church, Synagogue, Temple, Mosque) have lessons in sex usually for those who are getting married. And sometimes instruction in celibacy for teen groups.

So because the fundamentalist religions are so voicetress about their views on sexural behavior in our society, Tubularsock will start with them.

The fundamentalist religions don’t want ANY fun in sex. Sex is a duty to produce more fundamentalists for the “flock” so that it increases. Much like chickens but not because according to the fundamentalist religions having sex with chickens is “a sin”!

ABORTIONis “a sin” and against the WHITE MALE GOD LAW as well. But killing a child with a drone is fine because of “GOD’S WILL”.

And killing an entire village is a “A JUST WAR”.

Having sex before marriage is “a sin” according to the WHITE MALE GOD and so is teaching young adults “how babies are created” because it may stimulate an interest in sex.

Showing how to prevent pregnancy is NOT ACCEPTABLE because it may increase sexual activities among young unmarried adults who are without knowledge or foresightstatistically having unprotected sex like rabbits which is “a sin” as is having sex with rabbits!

Do you see a pattern here?

Yet, the brain dead which make up the bulk of the fundamentalist religions say way more bull shit than any truth but they just keep repeating this shit which actually should be “a sin” but isn’t!

And to top this all off there are some who feel that demonic spirits can be transferred to you during sex and/or sexual activity. And to others, like Tubularsock, who thinks that that must be some great sex!

And then there are the Catholics.

Now the Catholics too want to be in control of the sexual activities of their followers and just about everything about sex is “a sin” including thinking about it!

The amazing thing here is that the teaching and direction of proper sexual behavior is directed by Priests or Nuns who have vowed NEVER to have sex and even worse neverhave had it!

Sex outside of marriage is “a sin” and can get you excommunicated but like many “sins” there are ways around that. Usually by money and prayer.

Once again the only sex that is considered acceptable is that which increases the “flock” and the more the merrier.

And the use of condoms are prohibited and is “a sin” because it prevents pregnancy which is the ONLY reason for sex and the logic goes that using a condom creates the possibility of sex for fun and pleasure ……. and we can’t have THAT!

And once again ABORTIONis “a sin” and against the WHITE MALE GOD LAW. But killing a child with a drone is fine because of “GOD’S WILL”.

And killing an entire village is a “A JUST WAR”.

But the cool thing is Papal infallibility and that’s a neat little package that says when it comes to Church dogma the Pope in virtue of his supreme apostolic authority, (which is another way to say he was voted into Popehood) defines the doctrine concerning faith or morals to be held by the whole Church. Much like the buck starts here. And the Pope hasn’t had sex at all (in theory) so there you have it!

The Mormons almost take the cake when it comes to religion but only because it’s a “modern” day religion formulated by Joseph Smith in the 1830’s. A little late compared to other religions.

Some believe that Mormonism is a cult but Tubularsock still hasn’t figured out where a religion and a cult part company. Oh well.

Mormonism is just an upgrade religion using the same basic Christian stories but those stories were formed from the Book of Mormon which Joe said he transcribed from “. . . a buried book made of golden plates”. The angel Moroni revealed their location to Joe and he dug them up and worked out the translation.

Be that as it may, it is clear that when it came to sex it was only good for creating more offspring for the flock like the aforementioned religions but with a twist. In order to do that task multiply wives were needed so early Mormons believed in the sanctity of polygamy.

Sex out of marriage is not permitted which may have accounted for the most common name for patrons of motel sex being Mr. & Mrs. Smith. A fact, Tubularsock will leave to your imagination.

But true to form with the rest of the Christian Religions Mormonism believes that ABORTION is “a sin” and against the WHITE MALE GOD LAW. But killing a child with a drone is fine because of “GOD’S WILL”.

And killing an entire village is a “A JUST WAR”.

Now Protestantism in general is any of those European religions that broke away from the Catholic Church back in the day. And the Protestants disagree among themselves over all the silly little rules they each came up with but they all agree that sex is “a sin” unless in marriage and ABORTIONis “a sin” and against the WHITE MALE GOD LAW. But killing a child with a drone is fine because of “GOD’S WILL”.

And killing an entire village is a “A JUST WAR”.

Now Tubularsock doesn’t really care what one believes. And Tubularsock doesn’t even mind religious minded people spinning their belief mantras and through example showing others why one should join their “flock”. That is all well and good.

What Tubularsock sees as an abomination is ANY group attempting to DICTATE how things should be and attempting to force it on to everybody else.

Tubularsock has been mulling over this entire Charlie Hebdo cartoon mess.

It was truly fantastic to see people actually get off their butts and go to the streets in a statement of freedom of speech. And then Tubularsock realized that it was happening in France not the United States. So it isn’t as fantastic as it appears because the French have always gone to the streets in protests.

Years ago while Tubularsock was bopping around France he bumped into a huge protest in the streets of Paris himself. Tubularsock doesn’t speak French but he does drink French wine which gives him credibility in understanding.

The protest Tubularsock finally figured out was in favor of the French librarians being on strike.

No, you got that right ….. The French LIBRARIANS! (les bibliothécaires Français)

Tubularsock marveled at the size of the protest and was flabbergasted at the support for Librarians. WTF?

Leaving the protest and cutting through to smaller back streets Tubularsock ran smack into truck loads of the French military decked out in riot gear.

Come to find out street protest in France get out of hand often.

Side note: From that day forward Tubularsock has never had a library fine for late books. Librarians are a force to contend with! Some things just stick with you.

The French live in a cafe culture where people are out in the public sphere all the time and they know what is politically going on not only in France but in the world AND they express their opinion about it publicly.

And to see Voltaire’s statement being paraded about, “I may disagree with what you say but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it”, was music to Tubularsock’s core beliefs.

Which brings up some bottom line issues for Tubularsock.

Tubularsock really likes to at least attempt to take people as individuals and not as groups. On a one to one bases even an ass-hole has some good qualities. So grouping people as “All Moslems, All Jews, All Christians, All Atheists” doesn’t really make too much sense if you want to understand somebody else that isn’t like you.

And when “All Moslems, All Jews, All Christians, All Atheists” are grouped like that then usually they are grouped so as to ascribe some negative aspect to them. Not that you can’t dig some shit up about all of them but in general people are individuals.

That is where some issues come up that Tubularsock is attempting to explore.

Charlie Hebdo cartoons have always covered everyone across the board and make satirical positions whether using cartoons or words to push their view. And hell satire is funny.

But why is it that in France as Chris Hedges points out, “. . . a Holocaust denier, or someone who denies the Armenian genocide, can be imprisoned for a year and forced to pay a $60,000 fine. It is a criminal act in France to mock the Holocaust the way Charlie Hebdo mocked Islam.”

Why is that?

And Hedges continues to point out that, “French high school students must be taught about the Nazi persecution of the Jews, but these same students read almost nothing in their textbooks about the widespread French atrocities, including a death toll among Algerians that some sources set at more than 1 million, in the Algerian war for independence against colonial France.”

Why is that?

And just why is it that the media seemed to have missed the 2000 Nigerian, mostly women and children” that were slaughtered by Boko Haram the Islamist group and focused all their attention on the Paris attack.

Well Tubularsock does find Russell Brand’s explanation having some merit. Brand says that we (Western peoples) can identify with the Paris attack because we live in that type of environment ourselves while a “village” seems a stretch to identify with because it is not familiar. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dg8Y0WpbfZw)

Why is that?

Have we as a people EVER really had the ability to walk in the other guys moccasins?

Tubularsock thinks not ………

And the reason Tubularsock thinks not is because if we had that ability we a long time ago would have stopped this constant killing and taking other peoples life, liberty and pursuit of happiness!

It appears to Tubularsock as institutions “All Moslems, All Jews, All Christians, All Atheists” have all created reason why walking in the other guys moccasins is of value but continue in reality to justify killing so as to grab those moccasins off their dead feet!

Now Tubularsock is not interested in taking a stand and walking out on the end of the limb without it being a true stand for a core belief. Tubularsock is not interested in riling people up without a good reason. Of course, in truth, Tubularsock can ALWAYS find a good reason. And Tubularsock can go off the deep end for the fun of it as well.

But poking someone with a stick doesn’t usually get a positive understanding in return.

Charlie Hebdo did a lot of anti-Muslim theme cartoons but they did a lot of anti-Pope cartoons and anti-political cartoons. They would have gone after the Jews but didn’t …. as Carlos Latuff, the Arab Brazilian freelance political cartoonist, so aptly conveys the double standard below:

You just have to remember if they make fun of YOU it’s not funny. If they make fun of THEM it’s funny.

Well Tubularsock can stretch his emotional view across this entire divide.

Tubularsock believes, the world as we know it is such a painful place that we should not rile people up. Just let them believe as they wish. But then again Tubularsock believes, fuck all that maybe a cartoon depicting Allah as a pile of pig shit will settle it.

And those extreme views rattle around in Tubularsock’s head ALL THE TIME!

But more to the point ……. Tubularsock doesn’t have a bone to pick with Allah or God, or Mohammad, or Jesus, or Buddha for that matter. No, Tubularsock leaves all the fantasy manipulations to Disney.

Tubularsock has a bone to pick with the ignorant Air Force Captain who reads his Bible and then climbs into his jet and bombs the fuck out of his fellow humans beings.

Tubularsock has a bone to pick with that ignorant mujahid who reads his Koran and then marches off to bomb the fuck out of all those who don’t believe as he does.

Tubularsock has a bone to pick with the governments that play the ignorant to achieve domination over others.

But most of all Tubularsock has a bone to pick with all those who don’t realize that we are all one …….. now how fucking simple is that?

This entire Charlie Hebdo cartoon mess falls back to that playground scene most everyone who went to grade school has witnessed.

You know ……. “if you step over that line I’ll punch you”.

And what ALWAYS happens?

Yep.

And just like the playground scene there are the background players who egg each side on.

And Tubularsock still has the 10 year old stance when it comes to being “warned” not to do something. Tubularsock’s “adult-self” likes to be reasonable and rational about decision making but confronted with that WARNING/THREAT from anyone over anything and Tubularsock ALWAYS jumps to his 10 year old self.

Now Tubularsock would like at this point to say that he had overcome his 10 year old response for his adult-self response. But in truth the only thing that has changed is that when someone gives that WARNING/THREAT Tubularsock steps back three paces. Not to take an adult appraisal of the situation but to give himself more speed as he head butts the fucker.

Well, so much for all those anger management sessions.

Just when will mankind wake up and say enough? You know the answer as well as Tubularsock and that is why Tubularsock just happens to be selling bulletproof vests.

You see there are more people going back to work because the job numbers reflect the government workers, that were put on furlough during the shut-down, that are now back at work. Now, that’s sly.

And there is an influx of part time holiday workers that have gotten jobs to fight off the Black Friday onslaught so those jobs are counted in the job numbers.

And of course people that stop looking for work aren’t counted at all. But nobody counts them! There could be six people or five million but if nobody counts them then the numbers look better on that new employment graph.

Wow. Tubularsock has gotten off track again. All Tubularsock wanted to do was explain HIS process in getting a job over the Christmas part time employment spike.

And Tubularsock will admit right here that for many of you you really couldn’t do the job that Tubularsock has been hired to do because of Tubularsock’s stellar abilities.

Now, trust me. This is not bravado this is just the TRUTH as Tubularsock see it!

But what is important to you is that Tubularsock will lead you through the rough terrain of finding a job over the holiday season.

Now with the many jobs that are offered you’ll find that you are overqualified if you know how to read and write English and if you expect to be paid. I know that is discouraging but stay tough!

Now don’t sell out! Tubularsock went for what he was qualified to do and pushed forward even when the odds would appear totally against him. Staying true to your calling will land you the job you can do best. It worked for Tubularsock!

Now there was the “Three Wise Men” job. First, Tubularsock noted that that job would spread himself rather thin. Not to mention being only paid as one wise man doing three wise men’s work. Fuck that! And second, perhaps it would have been alright if it had been a “Three Yes Men” job but Tube said NO!

And of course the standard “Santa Gig” job. Now I ask you …….. really? A job where you dress up as a fat old man and let children sit in your lap for extended periods of time while they are screaming and tears running down their little faces …….. HO, HO, HO.

They just couldn’t pay Tube enough!

And then there was the “Baby in the Manger” job. A great job because you get to sleep for long periods of time. Much like the job in that cubical you had last year except a manger is a long low trough which is so much better to stretch out in. The only drawback is the persistent hymning of the neon halo. Tube turned it down in part because the neon halo ran interference with Tubularsock’s natural halo …….. you should be so lucky!

So things were looking pretty glum for Tubularsock in his quest for the perfect part time job during Christmas but then this poster appeared on a telephone pole near Tubularsock’s underground bunker:

Now you have to admit as well as you know Tubularsock that he was a shoe-in for this job. Just his infallibility alone put him over the top! And yes, if you get a chance to visit the Vatican this Christmas Season

do drop by his offices for a visit and just ask for TubePope …….. Dio e Tubularsock sono uno! Basta inviare contanti!