Tuesday, March 24, 2009

There. I said it. It's out there for all the world to see, absorb, contemplate, then laugh. Go ahead. It's okay. I can take it. And just because I said it doesn't mean I have to hit "publish post" on blogger. It is, after all, MY blog. So neener-neener. Yes, I have a bit of an attitude. I blame it on the 157.

Stupid 157.

It was the number displayed on my scale 2 days ago. It jumped out at me like a grasshopper does when you are looking at it with wonder when WHAM! That little sucker jumps on you and you start flailing around like an idiot with your arms waving wildly in the air wondering if it is in your hair. Or worse, your bra. Yes. It was a lovely sight.

I tread lightly on this topic because I realize weight is a very personal thing for people. It's one of those things that, frankly, I don't think about very often. I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin, even at 157. I know that some people are not comfortable at 125. I know that some people are perfectly okay at 170. It's all VERY personal. But this is the heaviest *I* have ever been in my entire life....including March 3, 1992, just one day before I delivered my last baby. I'm 20 lbs. heavier than that day to be perfectly honest. And I might as well be honest. I mean, I've already come clean about my weight. I'm also 43. I might as well tell you that, too.

Stupid 157.

So if I'm comfortable, why the flailing grasshopper dance?

Because 160 scares me, people! And at 5'2" it should.

So this is my official "come clean" party. I have reached my stopping point and it's time to get serious. I need to attack that back fat with a vengeance! (I didn't even realize I *had* back fat until I looked at a picture recently.) I need to get this weight off and I need to start NOW. It really isn't that I'm uncomfortable with myself, but it IS that I don't feel 100% wonderful. I feel tired and lazy. My hip is hurting more than it ever has. I'm pretty sure my heart could use a good workout. And I refuse to go up a pant size. I don't care how big the muffin top is. I'm not buying another size. I'll just go hang out with the 18-22 crowd that seems to sport the muffin top as a positive fashion statement.

Does it seem weird that I'm announcing my weight before I reach my goal? (Which is to lose 30 lbs.) I mean, I think people start their journey and once they reach their goal they announce the weight loss and what their heaviest point was. But I'm putting it out there because I want to be accountable for it. Anybody who reads my blog will now know how much I weigh. I think it will work for me. I'm getting a jump start on announcing my heaviest point. Because it's 157. I refuse for it to be 158. Or 159.

Because 160 REALLY scares me.

I also contemplated posting a "before" picture. My starting point. 157. Back fat and all. But I decided against that.

I think it is a great motivator to put the number out there like this (not to mention brave). I had this same thing happen a few weeks ago, and I have been trying the low carb thing, at least to get the pounds off for now, and then I will try just to be healthy and maintain it after. It is hard, but I was getting to my scary number too! It IS a one day at a time thing. You go girl!

Oh my friend... you know I am with you in this struggle. It's been a lifelong battle to find the magic solution and I have yet to find it. The ol' bod doesn't respond like it did even just a few years ago, so don't get discouraged. Sometimes we have to settle for knowing that we are doing the right things and if the body refuses to cooperate, it's not because we aren't trying. Choose small goals... 5 pounds. Then another. VBFITTW