Column: A community response to the Will Barker story

The news has been tough to digest. It’s not what any town — small or large — wants to read about one of its core citizens.

Rev. Jason McKnight / Guest Columnist

The news has been tough to digest. It’s not what any town — small or large — wants to read about one of its core citizens. Will Barker has been a positive part of this community for many years. I’ve got some thoughts on how we as a community can process all of this.

As a local pastor, my role is to shepherd people, to preach grace, and to hold out the truth of Christ. Here is my attempt to do that for the people of our city.

I understand that at Westminster’s church services the first Sunday after the news broke, there was a clear call to pray for the Barkers and to reach out in love. It’s their home church; this is the definitely the right tone.

One problem people have (whether at churches, workplaces, country clubs or in the school yard) is to turn on those who break the rules and upset the apple cart. Worse, it’s been said the church is the only army that shoots its wounded. Sounds to me like the body of Christ at WUMC is proving that wrong.

Amen.

Question 1: What do we do with the man and how do we minister to his family?

By reaching out in love are we saying that there is nothing wrong in what was done? Not at all. But we are recognizing that, even in sin, this is a person. There is real hurt in this. We need to emulate the initial response of Westminster. We need to think how we can love and support the family in simple, practical ways.

Question 2: What do we do with the sin?

This situation is another example that there really is right and wrong in this world. No one can deny that. Some things are wrong, and need to be addressed as such. Sometimes we don’t like to use the word “sin,” but that’s the only word that can account for this.

I am not pointing fingers at one guy, positioning myself as perfect. Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, “The line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” We are all mired in sin (though created by a good God). We all deserve to sit in a jail cell — or worse.

But here’s the good news: once we acknowledge there is sin, then we can begin to grab hold of the antidote for it, the solution for it. God knows that sin is rampant in this world and in our heart, so he did something about it. We celebrate it at Christmas: the gift of his Son. The whole purpose of Christ’s coming was “to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). Sin’s answer is not “more jail time” or “better penance.” It’s Jesus dying in our place, taking our punishment, and giving us his freedom; freedom to live at peace with God if we will surrender to him.

When faced with an especially tough sin (as we are), we need to remember that since we are all in the same boat, this instance is merely a difference of degree (not a difference of kind) of sin that we are all capable of. And then we need to remember that God’s answer to sin was to meet us at our worst, and take us to his best — all through the gift given at Christmas.

The courts will deal with the societal impact of this instance before us. And they must. But, as individuals, let us remember our own sin while we think about that of another.

That leads to the final question: What does each of us do from here?

Men: Get help. Will Barker is not the only one in Kinston viewing things that are degrading. How much sex/porn or violence/gore are you allowing to enter your mind? These desensitize us to the good gift of sex and life that come from a gracious God. Be careful what movies and games you’re spending time with. Be selective what sites you click on. Be discerning what you let your sons (and daughters) in on.

However, viewing pornography and explicit sex is especially insidious to the male brain. According to William M. Struthers’ “Wired for Intimacy,” extended viewing of porn actually rewires guys’ brains —physiologically changing the circuitry — so that they require more and more varied stimulation, seeking ever higher highs. This is true of every guy who sees stuff; he needs to see the next thing.

Struthers also shows how to un-wire the damage, and, over time, move back to the brain’s original wiring. There is always hope for healing, once the viewing stops!

Guys: you know if you are tempted to click to places of danger. You know the last time you’ve gone there. You know how hard it is to stop. You know what it’s like to get that first feeling of a high — “maybe I can just sneak something quick.”

THAT’S the moment to stop. Call a buddy. Cry out to God. Get out of the room. Take a walk. Break the spell. Dodge the bullet in this tempting hour. And, get a friend to help you long-term. Many guys use Internet programs like “Covenant Eyes” that will send a weekly email of all the websites you visit to a person of your choice — a buddy who will pray for you and keep you safe.

Women: pray for your husbands, sons and friends. Be ready to help them out of a mud-hole, not condemn them in it, as betraying as it can feel. Research is also revealing that more and more women are viewing porn. I’m not sure why this is the case, but it is. If this is you, get help. God has way better ideas of how to fill your mind!

Moms and Dads: get the televisions and computers out of your sons’ bedrooms and out of unsupervised rec-rooms. Monitor the smartphones (or hold off on them altogether): a 3-inch screen is as deadly as a 60-inch! Would you leave a loaded gun in the Den as you go to bed, while your 16 year old is still doing his homework? Would you leave a case of beer in your nephew’s bedroom each night? Be real about the dangers here. Let your son be mad at you today. One day he’ll thank you—as will his future wife!

We’re fooling ourselves if we read the headlines of The Free Press, and don’t examine the activities in our lives. Look inward: take this as a wake-up call to make a change. It’s a gracious challenge from a forgiving and holy God: “return to me, and I will build you up!”

Look outward: Take this as a call to reach out in love and support to a hurting family here and now.

The Rev. Jason McKnight is pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Kinston. Reach him at Jason@gracekinston.org. The opinions of the guest columnist are not necessarily those of The Free Press.

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