A military doctor working for Trump’s White House and within the military of which Donald Trump is Commander-in-Chief has made the completely independent decision to announce that Trump is cognitively normal.

Rear admiral and Physician to the President Dr Ronny Jackson told reporters “It just so happens that the man upon whom my job depends is not, as so many of you suspect, a raging maniac with the self-awareness of a peanut and the reasoning capacity of a cow being electrocuted.

“Does this face look racist? Let me tell you, this face is not racist, this is not a racist face. I wouldn’t lie, trust me. How could I be lying – I’m white!”

Orange sociopath Donald Trump has silenced critics and proved his non-racist credentials once and for all, after explaining to reporters that whatever he says is absolutely fine as long as he tells you it is.

The White House squatter was under fire for allegedly referring to poorer countries as ‘shitholes’ during a meeting with senior republicans and democrats, but the Trump camp claims such fake news has now successfully been dispelled by “the expert and statesmanlike subsequent emission of flatulence from Donald’s mouth.”

Theresa May’s cabinet have roundly applauded the vindication of the capitalist system, after an enormous private firm supposed to manage billions of pounds worth of government contracts collapsed.

The compulsory liquidation of Carillon in the early hours of this morning – threatening the completion of massive government projects as well as tens of thousands of jobs – has been hailed as Continue reading →

Neither a paedophile nor a bigot, Jones won for reasons the Republicans cannot fathom

The State of Alabama has grudgingly accepted that it would on the whole probably be better if they were represented in the United States Senate by a Democrat rather than an alleged multiple sex offender and paedophile.

Democrat candidate Doug Jones beat notoriously bigoted ex-judge Roy Moore in a close race, which nevertheless proved that even the Continue reading →