Obama is president. Postmodernism is dead. Welcome to the Age of Convergence. Or something like that.

So, as you probably already know, I was a near eastern linguistics major in university and am currently working on my own independant translation into English. Always felt the need for the a truly radical paradigm shift in translation from the King James carcase. However, as they have many more resources, and willing aids in their work, it appears that the Illuminati has beat me to it.

I'm flipping through a magazine in the 'Christian' section of Barnes and Noble and discover that I'm reading the New Testament Writings. On the cover is a rather gothed out looking girl giving me a green eyed stare that would make Ma'a the Kitty Cat of Egypt blush with envy.

Inside I can view photos of Angelina Jolie, Ghandi, chics in swimsuits, and a veritable managery of curiosities all along with a New Testament translation that reads with all the zeal of a corporate powerpoint presentation.

Lovely work, Illuminati. Getting cozy with us are we? Very, very cozy. I think the Illuminati want to go to bed with us Christians now. They love us and want to get intimate with us. So come on then, come into our bed. We're inviting you. We will snuggle with our precious little Illuminati.

On the back cover is a picture of a dude that looks like Fonzie turned into a ring wrathe or something. Our Illuminati is letting us know that they are being spooky. They want us to know how excellent they are at occultism. They are both sneeky and cunning. Just look at them over there hiding in the shadows looking us and being well hidden from our Eyes.

Where are you O Illuminati? We cannot see you. Come out of this hiding and have some tea and cookies with us at potluck this next Sunday.