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Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

I have just started working on my own self image............been working on a LOT of things, like getting out of my abusive marriage..............BUT, my self image sucks and so I have just started with a few things to try to make ME feel good about ME.

1. I got my eyebrows and moustache waxed for the first time in my life, and I'm over 40! Not having a hairy moustache makes me feel SOOOOOO much better when I look in the mirror.

2. I highlighted my hair and BOUGHT A CURLING IRON.............which was a huge deal for me to do, although I know it may not seem like much to others.

3. Most importantly...........every night before I go to bed I think of ONE THING that I did RIGHT TODAY and tell myself that I did a GOOD JOB with at least ONE THING!!

Wow! I just read through this whole thread and what a lot of great ideas! I'm working on my self image too, and have been really struggling with coming up with ways to increase self acceptance. i think my self hate is more about the fact that i cant accept that i am human and make mistakes and believe i am just not valuable and then i take it out on hating my body, because my body seems more easy to change than my worth as a human being is!

here are some tips i can offer:

1)Recite a self affirmation such as “I am worth fighting for” twice every day.2)Celebrate dedication and effort over result by praising yourself for at least one thing each day. After all, life isn't a destination- its a journey! so dont wait until you hit your goals to reward yourself. cheer yourself on every step of the way!3)do things that are challenging but possible to make you feel in control and accomplished (ideas: 30 minutes areobic exercise, volunteering at a soup kitchen for an hour every two weeks, learnig something new) 4)Write a love letter to yourself and read it when you are feeling down. Find the dialectic of your self-hate.5)Sincerely accept compliments6)Be mindful of your limits. Accept that you are human and can control only myself.7)Allow mistakes to be viewed as learning opportunities that inspire change.8) do a lovingkindness or any other tpye of meditation practice. i will post one below that is my favorite, you can also find more mindfulness practices on google

INSTRUCTIONS:Take a comfortable position. BRing your focus mindfully to your breath or body for a few breaths. Open and soften as much as feels safe to you as you allow yourself to connect with your natural inner feelings of kindness and compassion for others.

now shift your atention to yourself. it could be a snese of your whole self or some part that needs care and attention, such as a physical injury or the site of an illness or a feeling of emotional pain.

use a phrase like "may i be safe and protected" or "may i be happy" or "may i be healthy and well" or "may i live with ease" or make up one of your own. let the phrase you pick be something anyone would want (safety, ease, joy, and so on). Pick one that works for you. it can be a single phrase. then but all your heart into it each time you speak to yourself. let kindness and compassion come through you.

practice by repeating your phrase to yourself silently as if singing a lullaby to a baby. practice for as long as you like. it may help to just practice for a few minutes at a time at first and later build up to a longer practice.

I always keep one set of clothes that is RIDICULOUSLY uncomfortable but makes me look amazing, so if I'm having that trouble, I'll do my hair and makeup, put on my pretty clothes and go out for a walk, enjoying the attention. It feels great to be noticed and admired like that! Even more than the heels hurt. :D

I am glad I left my selfconscious feelings about myself with my last stupid X husband! Now when I go out in my running clothes no one cares! It's normal around here to see people out enjoying the beautiful fresh air. He wasn't a physically active person and hated it when I enjoyed running.

oh god how i struggle with this, especially the last few years. time and 2 children and way too many potato chips and choclate bars have not been kind to me.~i actually try NOT to look at myself naked. I have weighed over 250lbs, and even with some weight loss, it aint pretty. neither are scars. that is reality. i can accept it, but i dont have to look at it. ~swimming - always leaves me feeling good. any water actually - shower, tub, hot tub. naked always feels better. love to skinny-dip (or more like chunky-dunk!)~scent, especially sandlewood. use lotion or perfume oil, always feels nice~clothes that fit well, especially black. ~boots with a heal, like motorbike boots. like to feel like i could kick some ass. ~A well fitting bra~black underwear~rest- the more tired i am the worse i seem to feel about me.

something i have been doing lately for my body is what i call my daily ritual. i light candles and make a safe circle with a sage plant's smoke. then i lay down and let my body soften all over, releasing all the tension. i breath and notice how my body feels. i listen and am responsive, that is all. i follow the natural impulses of my body with out judging it. often it takes me into great dances, where my rage escapes through the core and out of me, like a huge moment of freedom! i love to move my body in ways it wants to move, my cells know how i can heal... these cells are so much wiser than my brain or emotions or patterning from this life's experience. i love being present in my body and feeling how large i am with all that space that opens up after the release, as my emotions ripple through my muscles, as i feel my inner deeper knowing in the now. its all about now for me, this healing process. this looking back. in my movement zone, images, memories, shadows, they all rise up and haunt me, but i can handle them because i am as part of the cells of all the universe. strength in my open, soft and vulnerability.

This is going to sound a bit weird, but I've always hated my thighs - I'm an hourglass so they're quite big!I've grown to love them though as my cats ADORE them. They love sitting on them, padding on them like a cushion and such! It's nice to see someone appreciate a bit of myself I never liked