Judging the Coolness of Past Survivor Pretty People Alliances

It seems like it happens every season: a group of young, hot castaways form a clique despite being the minority. Sometimes they find a way to run the game anyway, other times the outsiders band together.

We’re all nerds here (except Andy, or so he claims), so we have a rough idea about which of these alliances were the most successful and which ones crashed and burned like Mike Skupin. But there’s a more important question, one that has no easy answer: Which alliance of pretty people was the coolest? I did some investigating and found results that are 100% objective and indisputable.

Jabaru Clique

Jenna: In a sorority, +35; Swimsuit model, +65
Alex: Winning side in a love triangle with Shawna, +50; Told the truth, -10
Heidi: Looks down on those less attractive than herself, +40; Has high IQ, -25
Rob: Funny, +5; Super fan of Survivor, -300Total: -140

Love this. Solid reasoning, hard to argue with the results. Parvati’s alliances would have to win. However, should we include the Africa Mallrats alliance in the analysis? It seems like they would be one of the originals and one of the clique-iest.

Sorry to cross the streams, but BJ isn’t participating in the Australian Survivor comments: Hey @disqus_GpYJ355BVM:disqus: Apparently Flick (either #1 or #2 in the power ranking at this point) is dating Benry’s brother or some such. What’s up with that?

I think that was brought up in the Wiggle Room if I am not mistaken. I knew that Benry was/spends a considerable amount of time down under because he is close with Ami who lives and works in New Zealand, so I’m not terribly shocked.

Shawna and Heidi were both fighting for Alex’s affection, which was mooted when Shawna got voted out, and then, in the only time where I’m transferring Survivor gossip to you, Alex and Heidi hooked up at Ponderosa.

Little tip for if you’re gonna watch Amazon – when CBS made seasons available on streaming platforms they didn’t bother repaying for the rights to any of the players’ musical performances from the old seasons, so Rob’s iconic confessional when he votes of Roger is cut. If you’re gonna stream that, make sure you Youtube Rob’s bit. It shouldn’t be hard to find since it’s in the funny 115.

Hornacek, you don’t realize how many seasons I haven’t watched. You see, true millennials binge watch seasons or impatiently look up what happened on Survivor Wikia or listen to a spoiler-filled podcast that tells you who wins what season because you were desperate for Survivor content (cough PRP season rankings cough).

But didn’t I see somewhere else on this page that you were currently watching South Pacific? If so, stop watching SP, watch all of Amazon, then watch it again with Rob and Jenna’s commentary, then start watching another season, hopefully forgetting all about South Pacific.

I watched everything from Africa to Blood vs. Water in the span of the start of San Juan del Sur to the premier of World’s Apart, but maybe you lack my poor decision making skills and terrible sleep patterns.

I was so desperate for podcasts about the older seasons that I listened to what little was available from the Survivor Historians back on my initial binge-watch through the seasons.
I tried to fast forward and/or sing over whenever spoilers for later seasons came up, but that didn’t work to well and I got spoiled a lot.

Andy is a nerd, whether he admits it or not. He’s Canadian (which makes him a nerd automatically), and he’s friends with an accountant, two people who wear glasses, and a Survivor reject. If nothing else, he’s a nerd by association.