Top 10: Reasons David Bennett Should be the National Party Leader

David Bennett writes everyone a letter on their birthday and when they make sports teams. It may not seem like a lot, but given National does fuck all else for students, we will take what we can get.

People may look at his track record and think, “How has he been in parliament all this time and not really done anything?” We are more optimistically suggesting that “Bennett is an excellent team player and delegator.”

He once refused a funnel during a Nexus interview as it was “before midday”, how responsible is that?

He looks less like a victim of a cult abduction than his Hamilton Colleagues Jamie Strange and Tim McIndoe.

Given he’s single handedly re-claimed the bucket hat as “Dad fashion chique”, there’s no reason he couldn’t do the same with tax cuts for the rich.

There hasn’t been a bald, middle class, white male, leader of the National Party since Robert Muldoon – and look how well that turned out.

We assume he is someone who has paid close attention to Jacinda since she was a freshman in the Management School, he’s done his homework.

Because (sadly) at 47, Bennett would be considered one of three “youthful” options (Amy Adams is 46, Simon Bridges is - biologically - 41).

If elected leader, he would supply every household with 2 high quality O-week pens