The United States Supreme Court’s announcement Monday that it will no longer hear arguments in transgender student Gavin Grimm’s bathroom lawsuit left LGBTQ advocates disappointed and scrambling to regroup. “It’s not just about bathrooms, it’s about the right of trans people to exist in public spaces,” Grimm, a 17-year-old Virginia high school student, said on Monday after the announcement.

Dear Friends, I am sure you are all wondering why I went to Serbia for a single day, and what the hell happened to me there. Well, here we go:

The long story short:

Saw a surgeon in Belgrade because I was worried if I didn’t go from Europe and drop a shit ton of money on airfare to see him on short notice, the entire process of getting him to operate on me would never move forward at all. I was right.

My doctors in New York had not coordinated with this surgeon AT ALL despite having suggested they had, and even suggesting I was supposed to have had surgery next week by him when he visited New York.

The surgeon wants $3500 to operate on me at his office in Belgrade, the soonest this could be is October. There is no guarantee he can fix everything that is wrong, but he will do what he can. This figure does not include other expenses I’d incur, none the least of which the $800 I spent to change all my fights around in a single night to see him at all.

I do not have $3500+, and I am applying for jobs right now that would make it impossible to take time off sufficient for a surgery in October. I am stuck delaying getting a job to have surgery (which I can’t afford) or trying to “move on” from my body problems long enough to earn the money and be able to take the time off, which is basically saying that having a fucked-up vagina never mattered in the first place.

I am fucked. Goodbye, I’m just done with all this shit.

Serbia seemed like a nice place. I was only there for 30hrs or I’d have loved to explore it more.