For those of you wondering how Demi Moore’s holding up after her divorce from Ashton Kutcher, not fucking well. TMZ reports she was hospitalized last night for substance abuse which her reps are actually trying to spin as “exhaustion” because no one hears that and goes, “So drugs, right? It’s drugs.” Never happens. Anyway, RadarOnline reports things are far worse and that Demi supposedly suffered a seizure from a combination of anorexia and pill-popping:

“She collapsed after having an epileptic seizure,” the source said about the frightening medical emergency.
Her dramatic weight loss has caused much speculation about her health and the source confirmed that this is one of the issues she is seeking treatment for.
“Demi is in getting treated for anorexia, as well as other issues that caused her seizure,” the source said.
“She has not taken care of her health at all lately and has lost a ton of weight.”

When reached for comment Ashton Kutcher responded, “Hold, on there’s a young, vibrant 23-year-old vagina blocking my phone. Now who was hospitalized for the what now? And if it’s Demi, she knows she’s not supposed to drive at night or drink regular coffee after 7. Goddamn hospice care…”

Don’t I remember something similar happening in the late 80’s, where she ended up opening all the windows and trying to freeze herself to death, until Rob Lowe broke the door with a saxophone and saved her? I think Judd Nelson was there too. Mother issues, as I recall.