Joined: October 20th, 2004, 4:16 pmPosts: 10398Location: Where ever I'm at now

Re: Joke of the Day

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for identifying and describing virtually all groups of animals.

For example, we are all familar with a herd of cows, or a flock of chickens, or a school of fish and even a gaggle of geese. However, less widely know are such nouns as a murder of crows (or rooks or ravens), an exaltation of doves, and presumably because they look so wise, a parliament of owls.

Now consider the primates. A group of gorillas is considered a "gang". But among primates, the baboons are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious and least intelligent of all.

And what is the correct collective noun used to describe a group of baboons?

Believe it or not......a CONGRESS!

I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington.

_________________I will not put on blinders when it comes to our QBs performances.

September 9th, 2011, 8:25 am

m2karateman

RIP Killer

Joined: October 20th, 2004, 4:16 pmPosts: 10398Location: Where ever I'm at now

Re: Joke of the Day

Two terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a coke.'

'Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?'

'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?'

THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.

_________________I will not put on blinders when it comes to our QBs performances.

I was going to post this in the joke of the day thread, but there's an obvious moral to the story that applies to politics, so here goes:Change Your Underwear Often

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspectedhis sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad...

The Captain suggested that perhaps it would help if the sailorswould change underwear occasionally.The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "TheCaptain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change withWitkowski, and Brown, you change withSchultz."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:Someone may come along and promise " Change ", but don't count on things smelling any better.

January 17th, 2012, 4:15 pm

wjb21ndtown

Re: Joke of the Day

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, ” Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".

January 17th, 2012, 4:18 pm

wjb21ndtown

Re: Joke of the Day

... We are in trouble!!!The population of this country is 310 million.160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing TERRORISTSWhich leaves 17.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are, Sitting on your rectum, At your computer, reading jokes . . .

On a more serious note, I truly feel sorry for those that lack the intellectual capacity to figure that out yet. They're probably the same ones that believe Debbie Wasserman Schultz speaks the truth. Pathetic.

_________________

February 2nd, 2012, 4:02 am

wjb21ndtown

Re: Joke of the Day

slybri19 wrote:

An oldie but a goodie:

How do you know that Mitt Romnay is lying?

His mouth is moving.

On a more serious note, I truly feel sorry for those that lack the intellectual capacity to figure that out yet. They're probably the same ones that believe Debbie Wasserman Schultz speaks the truth. Pathetic.

I feel sorry for the people that actually believe that Barak Obama doesn't want to run against Mitt, and would prefer to run against Newt. That is the biggest rouse in recent politics.