The Sin City BetBot Presents

Initially built by NASA to set lines for theLas Vegas casinos in the late 50s (Who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government?It was the mob … ), TheSinCity Betbot6000 calculated lines for more than 30 years. The Betbotwas given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines and living the good life.

The Betbotwas de-commissioned in 1990 afterSan Francisco destroyedDenver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’swires and he retired. The Betbotwas discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL.

It’s that time of year again. Every NFL fan has that gleam in his eye; that gleam that says – this will be the year, this is the year my team finally stops disappointing me. That feeling will last for at least one week, or halftime if you’re aTampaBay fan. The only fans who won’t be feeling that way are New Orleans Saints’ fans, but they’re drunk; so it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Let’s get right into this preview. I have to attend the opening of my lover’s new show ‘High Kicks and Magic Tricks.’ Natasha’s on the chorus line, but also has a speaking part. Her line is, “But, I only have so many eggs!” I assume it’s funny, but it’s hard to know without the context. She once did a show with Jon Dorenbos, the long snapper for the Philadelphia Eagles. He has his own magic show in the offseason. He’s pretty good, but I didn’t like the way he leered at Natasha. I’m watching you Dorenbos, I’m watching you.

Where was I? Oh yes …

AFC West

Another year, another sorry effort from this sad sack of clowns. I find the lack of playmakers disturbing and the lack of defense appalling. These guys are in a dogfight with the NFC West for worst division in the NFL, which is saying something as the NFC West represented three of the top six draft picks in this year’s draft. But, enough about those chumps who get a takedown of their own in a few paragraphs. Let’s deal with this mess first.

San DiegoChargers – 10-6 – This is a below average team that will once again get by on playing everyone else in this division twice.Philip Rivers is a top quarterback, but his left tackle and his best wide receiver don’t look like they’re going to play this season and he can’t throw toAntonio Gates every play. He’ll keep the Chargers in games but keep your expectations in check. Also, the defense on this team has quickly rotted underNorv Turner’s watch, and I can’t find a single player on that side of the ball worth discussing. I mean,Shawne Merriman was a nice player a few seasons ago but now he’s just a big name that can’t rush the passer. At least he can be proud to see his jersey in the stands – nobody else on the Chargers can rush the quarterback either. And to add insult to injury, fans also have to look in the program just to find out who those players are.

Kansas CityChiefs– 7-9 – Seems like I’ve been saying that I likeDwayne Bowe as a fantasy wideout basically since he came into the league, but it’s still true. Then I realize that I am loathe to find anything even remotely interesting about the Chiefs so I am using Bowe as a crutch. Well, that’ll show you what employingHerm Edwards will do for you.

OaklandRaiders – 5-11 – Thinking of something nice to say about this franchise is one of the most difficult things I can imagine. And with my cognitive capacity, I can imagine quite a bit. For example, what ifJason Campbell were to ever play for a team that wasn’t completely dysfunctional at every level? Would he actually develop? We may never know. Here’s something nice to say about Oakland – they finally cut their losses and cannedJaMarcus Russell, a grown man who gets high by drinking cough syrup. Are you … BZZT … bleeping kidding me?

Denver Broncos– 5-11 – Their best player on offense (tackleRyan Clady) and on defense (endElvis Dumervil) are both injured and out for most or all of the season and they spent a first-round pick on a player that most analysts predicted would be a third round halfback. That’s a tough hole to dig yourself out of, althoughKyle Orton is a lot better than people give him credit for. You know how people say that you never get a second chance to make a first impression? Well Orton’s first impression was that he was more awful thanRex Grossman. Also, when Orton first arrived on the scene he sported the grizzliest NFL neckbeard sinceKoy Detmer, so pretty much everyone started thinking that Orton was a tool from the word go. The fact that he won’t shave the damn neckbeard isn’t helping matters.

AFC East

New England Patriots– 11-5 – I really don’t know what to make of this team. First, people keep saying that the defense is going to be a problem, but that goes too far.Bill Belichick may be a nasty little critter, but he made his bones turning decent talent into great defenses and he has some decent talent at linebacker. The offense is going to be fine as long asTom Brady is upright, and I hope he’s involved all year because his haircut is going to be the gift that keeps on giving for this column. Your wife is the model, Tom.

Miami Dolphins– 9-7 – I likeChad Henne, and I likeBrandon Marshall, and I like whichever ofRonnie Brown orRicky Williams makes it through the season. But, the offense won’t be the story here – as is his wont,Bill Parcells has overseen the rebuilding of a physical, tough defense. They need someone to make the leap, and whoever does that will be a huge story for Miami this year. I mean, other than the basketball team which I hear should be pretty good now that they picked up Chris Bosh.

New York Jets– 8-8 – The Jets are the most overhyped team in recent memory, other than whichever team signsBrett Favre from year to year. It’s easy to forget that this was a team that was gifted a playoff opportunity last season, mostly because the bombastic head coach thinks they’re super special, although he would describe them using different vocabulary. The defense will be great, but they still don’t have the quarterback to be considered an elite team, no matter how good lookingMark Sanchez seems.

Buffalo Bills– 4-12– On the other hand, Bills fans would kill for a quarterback like Mark Sanchez. In fact, Bills fans would kill for a quarterback likeKerry Collins, or any quarterback that wasn’t limp-armed and slow-footed. I cannot believeChan Gailey got another head coaching gig (what,Joe Bugel not available?) The defense here actually has some decent young talent, but the offense hasC.J. Spiller and a lot of not-much-else.

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.