Dancing and BDSM: Negotiating Relationships

Are there any other dancers out there? I'm a Latin ballroom dancer and I have noticed so parallels between BDSM and ballroom dance. If you have ever seen the shows, "Dancing with the Stars," "So You Think You Can Dance," or "Strictly Come Dancing," they all showcase partner dances.

In the partner dance world, there is extensive communication and negotiation involved before a partnership is formed. Schedules are compared, time commitment is questioned and we ask each other how much we are willing to spend each month on lessons. All of the details are worked out before we even become partners and we constantly check in to see if opinions have changed.

Similarly, in BDSM, hard and soft limits are discussed before any scene. You need to discuss relationship expectations and other preferences.

In ballroom dance, there is a leader and a follower. In BDSM there are Tops/bottoms, Doms/subs, etc. With dance, the leader is equally as important as the follower; and without one, there cannot be the other. The same is true with BDSM. A submissive, or bottom, is not weak. In fact, the act of submitting is often seen as a sign of strength and trust in your partner. Plus, the submissive, has the ability and the right to stop revoke her submission at any time. Similarly, in dance, while a leader dictates what moves a follower will do next, the follower ultimately decides whether or not she will do them and with what embellishments and styling.

Has anyone else seen similar relationship negotiation in non-BDSM situations?

Now that you mention it. I can see the correlation between leader and follower.

Yes. I think it may have more to do with the fact that both dance and BDSM are associated with traditional gender roles. Even though at this point BDSM relationships can be any combination of genders or sexual orientations, to many people, they still see BDSM as having a male Dom and female sub.

Yes. I think it may have more to do with the fact that both dance and BDSM are associated with traditional gender roles. Even though at this point BDSM relationships can be any combination of genders or sexual orientations, to many people, they
...

Yes. I think it may have more to do with the fact that both dance and BDSM are associated with traditional gender roles. Even though at this point BDSM relationships can be any combination of genders or sexual orientations, to many people, they still see BDSM as having a male Dom and female sub.

I bet you love watching Dancing with the Stars. Is that a fair assumption?

I bet you love watching Dancing with the Stars. Is that a fair assumption?

Definitely a fair assumption. I watch only the couples I like, though! Sometimes I feel like Len Goodman when I just want the dances to have more traditional Latin/ballroom moves. But I always appreciate the grandeur that is DwtS!

Yes. I think it may have more to do with the fact that both dance and BDSM are associated with traditional gender roles. Even though at this point BDSM relationships can be any combination of genders or sexual orientations, to many people, they
...

Yes. I think it may have more to do with the fact that both dance and BDSM are associated with traditional gender roles. Even though at this point BDSM relationships can be any combination of genders or sexual orientations, to many people, they still see BDSM as having a male Dom and female sub.

It didn't occur to me until I saw this post that BDSM typically is associated w/ traditional gender roles. It might be that my interactions with that community tend to defy that such roles exist in context to the D/S roles. Definitely an interesting idea posited that there is a correlation in leader/follower in dancing to that of a D/S relationship.

I'm now going to be looking for other potential examples... only one that came to mind was potentially that of a chef/sous chef. Like a chef has to communicate what the sous chef needs to do and what steps they need done next in the orchestration of putting a dish together. A lot of communication, trust, and expectations of what each persons role is. And has a similar power dynamic of a leader/follower as well. No implied genders on either position; however, one could argue that there is implied sexism/gender norms in almost everything

It didn't occur to me until I saw this post that BDSM typically is associated w/ traditional gender roles. It might be that my interactions with that community tend to defy that such roles exist in context to the D/S roles. Definitely an
...

It didn't occur to me until I saw this post that BDSM typically is associated w/ traditional gender roles. It might be that my interactions with that community tend to defy that such roles exist in context to the D/S roles. Definitely an interesting idea posited that there is a correlation in leader/follower in dancing to that of a D/S relationship.

I'm now going to be looking for other potential examples... only one that came to mind was potentially that of a chef/sous chef. Like a chef has to communicate what the sous chef needs to do and what steps they need done next in the orchestration of putting a dish together. A lot of communication, trust, and expectations of what each persons role is. And has a similar power dynamic of a leader/follower as well. No implied genders on either position; however, one could argue that there is implied sexism/gender norms in almost everything

Oh, that's a good example. The military definitely has similar power dynamics.