started as a joke, developed into a idle pastime and eventually, who knows?, mite become a career! Real life issues, addressing taboo topics, if it's worth discussing behind closed doors I'll talk about it here.

Tag Archives: lisa

Welcome to the DuttyBerryShow blog, I hope that you have been enjoying the blogs thus far and I thank you for the support. Now dat mi get all a dat decent stuff out di way, let’s get to the meat of the matter. As I sat in my couch watching the news I thought to myself what would be some funny and crazy Jamaican ways to ‘kick the bucket’. After consulting with my friend Courtney, I came up with these 25 ways. Enjoy! Live and laugh!

1) You disrespected a police officer and somehow a bullet from the officer’s gun ends up in your head. The police, after conducting a few seconds of investigation will conclude that a shootout ensued and that the other members of your gang escaped in nearby bushes.

2) You decided to ‘tek a gal man’ and she found out and decided to ‘daaab yuh wid acid’ while you were getting your hair done on Princess Street Downtown.

3) You were so hot, that it became unbearable to stand in one spot. As you walked off to wine, Roger Clarke fell from the sky and smashed you to pieces.

4) You were disobedient at a street dance. You did not raise your hands when the selector yelled, “All a di man dem from yuh know seh yuh straight put yuh hand ina di air.”

5) You followed Kartel’s advice and took penis because you thought it was easy. The penis was enormous and caused your vaginal walls to erupt.

6) You told a badman to go and ‘labba juice’ (suck) his mother.

7) You tried to follow the bus conductor and skillfully ‘bail out’ of the coaster bus. You missed a step, tripped and slammed into the ground.

8) Your mother finally decided to carry out her favorite threat to you. For example,”Mi a go knock out yuh brain ino pickney.”

9) Cliff Twang told you that “nobody can cross it” but you ignored his warning, tried to get across, and got washed away in ‘many water like Hellshire’.

10) You saw Lisa Hanna up close and her awesomeness was just too overwhelming to handle. Just as you had a little hope of survival she whispered in your ears with her Toni Braxton like voice and you just fainted and died.

11) You went to buy a cheese patty. The worker told you that the patties would be ready in 3 minutes. Two hours later, the worker returns to tell you 5 more minutes. You fall to the floor. The autopsy revealed that you died of starvation.

12) You decided to cut your expenses by attempting to ‘bridge’ light. While doing so a bolt of lightning struck you. Involuntarily causing you to do the Harlem shake before collapsing.

13) Upon receiving your JPS light bill you got a sudden heart attack because it was just so high.

14) While at a dance you heard your jam playing and felt compelled to transform into a sketel and jump from a speaker box and land in a split. However while jumping, you lost your balance and landed head first.

15) You went to the ‘Gully-Side’ and spray painted the wall “FREE WERL BOSS”

16) You wore your PNP shirt on the wrong lane in Mountain View during election season.

17) After watching the All Angles bleaching documentary, you opted to emulate Bobbette and ‘rub off’ your first, second and third layers. Because your cream was so powerful your skin began to ‘buss’ until your body combusted.

18) In Half Way Three celebrating Jamaica’s 4 *100 meter win. The crowd got a bit too excited and you got trampled in a stampede.

19) Having sex to ‘Dye Dye’ and upon your 51st orgasm after you got twisted, you stopped breathing because you body was not used to such extreme pleasure.

20) You tried to end a relationship with a policeman.

21) You went to St.Thomas and offended an Obeah man.

22) You died of old age waiting on the Reggae Boyz to qualify for another World Cup.

23) Running towards the scene of a shootout and a bullet ‘bax yuh cross yuh face’.

24) As an amateur in the kitchen, you tried to prepare the national dish and ‘di ackee poison yuh’ because you forced some open.

25) You followed too many of RDX’s instructions. Jumping, ‘kotching’, ‘broading out’ and bending over. One day, as you proceeded to bend over and ‘touch toe’ you pulled a muscle, cricked your back, crashed to the floor and had a slow and embarrassing death.

THANKS FOR READING THIS BLOG. REMEMBER TO RATE, COMMENT AND SHARE. Checkout my vlog on YouTube ‘DuttyBerry Show’ and keep posted. Live and laugh.

In other cultures, public figures are often slaves to the cosmetic industry. A little nip tuck here, a little botox there and enhancements everywhere and anywhere in between. However, in Jamaica, people pride themselves on being able to ‘look good’ and age gracefully while remaining as youthful as they possibly can. These 30 Jamaicans seem to have found the fountain of youth and are maturing like fine wine.

# 30) Neville Bell

You have been waking up to him on Smile Jamaica for years. His career in media started over two decades ago and yet somehow he has managed to look pretty much the same. Guess all that football playing is paying off.

#29) P. J. Patterson

Can you believe that he is 78 years of age? Mr. Patterson served as the sixth prime minister of Jamaica and led the country from 1992 to 2006. This man became the face that this generation associated with politics, and to honest, he looks exactly as he did during the 90s.

# 28) Michael Lee Chin

Mr. Chin is money in motion. At 62 years old, he can retire now and just focus on remaining youthful.

# 27) Kerlyn Brown

The day Kerlyn leaves CVM TV is the day that station should come off air. She has been the face of the 8:00 pm news since the 90s and she gets hotter and hotter each year.

# 26) Lady Saw

The Queen of the dancehall, Mumma Saw, at age 45 is looking sexier and more refined than most of the emerging dancehall ladies half her age.

# 25) Amelia Milk Sewell

Did you know that Milk has been involved in the local entertainment industry from as early as 1998? Fast forward to 2013 and she still ‘stay good’.

# 24) Sean Paul

Dancehall superstar, Sean Paul at the moment could pass for a 29 year old, but if you were to check his birth paper you’d discover that he is a 40 yrs old…. Buju Banton is the same age. See the difference?

# 23) Beenie Man

The ‘Girls Dem Sugar’ , at 39 is probably the youngest looking grandfather in Jamaica.

# 22) Ken Boothe

This 65 years old reggae icon seems to have been sheltered from that storm called aging.

#21) Fae Ellington

This woman’s glow is the source of her youthful appearance. Always radiant. Always charming. 60 and still looking sweet.

# 20) KD Knight

Doesn’t he look exactly the same now as he did when you were a child?

#19) Dorraine Samuels

Miss RJR, now Miss Prime Time News. She is as gorgeous and she was at the beginning of her career.

# 18) Michael Anthony Cuffe

Y’all remember in the 90s when he used to host the morning show on CVM TV?

# 17) Mazie Miller/Dorothy Lightbourne

Mazie Miller aka Miss Creative Cooking has been hosting that show for over two decades. Dorothy on the other hand, has spent her life in politics. I still cannot believe that she is 76 years old.

# 16) Delano- Renaissance

The Renaissance sound system has been around for years yet Delano’s appearing younger than many of the new disc jocks. Weird isn’t it?

# 15) Cindy Breakspeare

58 and still looking as fab as she did back in 1976 when she won the Miss World crown.

# 14) Shaggy

Mr. Boombastic , at 44, looks younger than many of the current dancehall acts,

# 13) Tony Matterhorn

Yes, Tony Matterhorn is actually 41 years old. Surprised?

#12) Audrey Reid

Popular Jamaican actress, Audrey Reid , at 43, doesn’t look any different than she did when she played the sassy role of Marcia in Dancehall Queen. I guess black really doesn’t crack.

# 11) Carlene Davis

God is really working on this woman because age 60 never looked this good.

# 10) Ian Boyne

For over 25 years, Ian Boyne has been interviewing people on his popular television show Profile. I dare you to find an old Profile video and compare it to how he looks presently. Time has been good to him.

# 9) Merlene Ottey

Sprint Queen and Jamaican treasure, Ottey is the epitome of determination. Oh and by the way, she is 53 years of age.

# 8 ) Professor Nuts

“You are only as old as you feel” and this 51 year old dancehall veteran not only feels young, he looks it.

# 7) Marcia Griffiths

Over six decades on this earth and she is still glowing. Sweet reggae music must be the reason.

# 6) Kiprich/Ding Dong

These two men somehow have no intention of aging any time soon. Both began their professional careers over 15 years ago.

Does Cham look like at 34 year old? Nope. I guess that’s what happens when your wife ‘Tun up, Tun up’.

# 2) Denise Hunt

I have a feeling her face will remain like this for the next thirty years. Did y’all know she had a role in How Stella Got Her Groove Back?

# 1) Lisa Hanna

Lisa Hanna, Oh Lisa Hanna. Why must you age in reverse? “No primples, no mosquito bite”. Miss World 1993 must be on some vampire diet because not many people can say they look better now than they did when they won a world title. Lisa Rene Hanna at 37, you are a timeless… ageless beauty.