Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Miss Big Help was my bench mate in First grade. She was always mean to me. But the one bad thing I did turned her from mean to a scary person. She had red horns on her head - a sign of Evil.We had a quiz and I turned to her for help.

7+5 is ____
"Psst, Miss Big Help! What's the answer to this question?"
"Apple Pie..."
"But this is a Math problem. The answer should be in numbers right?"
"It's a trick question. The seven and five are the dimensions of the pie. And they rhyme too, seven and five makes Apple Pie!"
"Okay... Hey, how come you wrote something different?"
"I am going to get this question wrong. That way, Mrs. Yells at me won't think you copied."
"Wow. Thanks! But how about the other questions?"
"Just write what I say."

I wrote everything that she said. Couple of answers had Angry faces. One answer was Santa Claus. I was done with the test and I thanked her. The results were out the next day. I got a D on my test and next to it was a weird expression. I looked up at Mrs. Yells at me and she was wearing the same look.

The next week, we had another math quiz.
"Psst, Miss Big Help! What's the answer to question one?"
"Its Seven Bazillion..."
"Having a pleasant conversation?"There was a voice from behind us. It was Mrs. Yells at me.
Miss Big Help couldn't get a word out "But... I..."
"Maybe, you should sit up front. That way, you won't distract him anymore."
I had to say something "I tried to get her to be quite. She wanted to say the answer even though I never asked her. You know how girls are..."
Mrs. Yells at me stared and left. Miss Big Help was still stunned and her face was all red.

I was all alone now. So, I sent Miss Big Help a note -

Hey Miss Big Help,
How is the view way up there? HA HA
You look like a clown when you turn all red. Another HA HA
And how many zeroes should I add to Seven Bazillion?

Miss Big Help turned and stared at me. She was really angry. She took out her pencil and started writing a note. I was sure it was addressed to me.
She was scribbling and didn't notice Mrs. Yells at me who was standing next to her.
"Writing notes in class?" Miss Big Help turned all red again and there was an "EEP!" from her.

She was sent to the Principal's Chamber. I was lucky the teacher had blamed her for everything I did. But, I kept wondering what was happening inside. She returned pretty quick and walked to Mrs. Yells at me. She whispered something and got back to her seat.
"Miss Big Help, what did they do to you? Did you get expelled? Are you banished from the neighborhood? What happened?"
Miss Big Help didn't say a thing. Then she turned and stared at me. "You will learn pretty soon. I just said one thing and Mr. Principal was convinced."
"What? What did you say?"
"Nothing..." Miss Big Help smiled at me. An Evil Smile.
Mrs. Yells at me called out my name. I walked to her. On the way, I turned to find Miss Big Help still wearing the Evil Smile.

The next part of the story was bad. Miss Big Help had snitched on me. I got in trouble for getting her in trouble. Mr. Principal and Mrs. Yells at me gave me the stares. I was happy my parents weren't called. But then, they arrived. This time, I turned all red and screamed an "EEP!". All the four people stared at me. Miss Big Help stayed Evil and I continued cheating off her in quizzes...

38 comments:

Another funny piece from you. It really brighten up my day when I read your post. There was a girl in my class when I was in std 1 who would hold my hand when ever I copy too fast from the board, she fears that I will finish faster than her, gosh, what a bully.

That reminds me of an answer to an algebra test one my friends gave one time. The question was find 'x' in the equation. He circled it and wrote "Here it is" above the equation with an arrow pointing to the circle. It made the teacher laugh so hard she gave him credit for it.

After that he and I made it a point to try to make each of our teachers and professors in college try to laugh when we didn't know an answer to a question. Surprisingly a little humor buys you enough points to pass. :)

This was hilarious ---- I hope I got this right - however there was a book out a few years ago called : I learned everything I needed to know in kindergarten"? In your funny script was wisdom buried in the story... learned at an early age.

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