Thursday, December 31, 2009

Slab releases a whistling screaming fist directly at the maw of his opponent! But the trained bill opens at the last instant!It clasps down on the Fist of Fire!Donald tears the fist apart in his powerful bill! Digits sever! Knuckles separate!Bobby is up now, rooting on his Toon champion!

As the nutrients of Slab's pooberty hormones surge through the bastards's veins, he swells with burning power!CRUNCH! He's taken the other fist! Oh my God, it's a slaughter folks! He's squeezing every ounce of juice out of the raging fist as if it's a morning orange!With sheer disdain, he spits out the indigestible joints. Slab is crippled! Can this fight go on??

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Blen and Kubercheebie are from another dimension-the dimension of your eyelashes where the laws of physics are completely different than the ones that keep you stuck to the ground.

They sometimes visit us and hide on our shirts. You might worry about this at first, but actually while you wear the shirts you have magical powers. You can curse out your boss in full voice and he won't hear a thing - while the rest of the office will hear it all think your are the bravest creature in our flimsy slice of space-time.

You can attract aliens from even more bizarre worlds.

Your torso will glisten from the magical eyelash dimension dust that lures potential mates that you can couple with and then devour while they are still in a hypnotic trance of bliss.We now have these popular otherwordly items in all sizes and for multiple genders.

This popular item also is now available in larger sizes, so all you manly brutes can finally advertise your love for discipline to the dirty little sissies in your neighborhood:

Monday, December 28, 2009

Sunday, December 27, 2009

May God bless all cartoonists with Kali's talent.May Santa bring the gift of tongue to every tree.and leave a vintage dusty old Knickerbocker toy in his own used sock for every child who craves love from the inanimate denzions of the earth.Blessed be even the bipolar of all nations, genders and social strata.Grant a downy coat of cuteness to all torturers of the weakFrame every child with a balance of warmth and discipline.May we all get along in peace, harmony and mutual tolerance.Let us all believe in a variety of lesser Gods and decorate pagan rites with graven images of them.Let all hippies be spray painted green and pray for a second eye to be found under all his hair.Oh and lastly, may every marker that runs out of color halfway through a picture be damned to eternal and everlasting torments.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Slab's out of trouble, but his pooberty fist is starting to ache worse than ever!

The throbbing intensifies.Bigger and bigger! Now it's turning blue! Oh, the pangs of budding youth!And now here comes the other fist!Now they're both throbbing! Back and forth! Back and forth!

He turns to his corner for help: "I can't stand the pain, Ern!"Ernie: "Shut up! Look out! He's getting up!"Donald looks determined. It's an ugly look. The glare of eyes tasting their helpless prey hungrily.Slab: "WhattooIdo Ern'? WHATTA I DOOOOO?""OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!! Help me Ern!"Ernie: "Now you got 2 Pooberty fists, Slab! Use 'em or lose 'em!"Slab accepts the intense burning in his changing organs of violence and takes a step to meet his opponent. I couldn't guess the outcome of this fight! Will it be skill or hormones that win the day?!to be continued....

Friday, December 25, 2009

Mom: "AAAAARGGH! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT!!!""Whoever taught you to decorate like that!!???"

"LOOK! I had every one of these ornaments numbered and arranged so that everything would be perfectly color coordinated!!"GGAWWWWD! I have to do everything around here! Lemme show you!"

"Remember, the man upstairs can see everything we do! We gotta impress Him!!!"Cut to the Prince Of Heaven peeking in on everyone's business on His flatscreen TV.Jesus: "Y'know after a couple thousand of these birthdays, it's pretty hard to impress me. I dig that blue hair though."

Mom: "Here now, watch a pro!""Ta Da! Now that's how you decorate the Christmas Hippie!"