m

Why

Pregnancy

is like a

Hangover

There are many wonderful things about pregnancy; like growing a human and feeling that tiny little being wallop you from the inside (which is more amazing than it sounds having written it down) however, the first trimester is, perhaps, not one of those things

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The first lap of pregnancy feels like a hungover marathon, like the morning after a night out on Bath Street for months on end.

Well, it was a really good night

(about 8 months ago!)

Think I’m kidding? Here are ten reasons why the first trimester is like a hangover:

1. The Fear

Pregnancy is hungover fear with a capital F.

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Your anxieties swing between what might have happened: how much sushi did I eat before I found out (i.e how much did I actually drink last night?)… and what will happen (i.e did anybody see me trying to breakdance?)… I’m having a baby!

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Plus, the cagey uneasiness that follows a big night out is surprisingly similar to the guilty secret of the first few weeks of making a baby.

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Sssh, don’t tell anybody!

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2. Your Relationship With The Toilet Bowl

You wake up, the room is spinning. Bathroom, QUICK!

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However, this isn’t a nasty side effect from too many Sambucas the night before: this is pregnancy. One early morning, cuddling the ceramic god at 5am I realised with a shock I’d been here before… last New Year.

Really, though, is there anything worse for nausea, pregnant or hungover, than staring into a big bowl of something that is not chips?

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3. The Nausea

There is a misconception that morning sickness is all about being sick. It’s not. I like to call it ‘being on the boat’. You feel queasy all the time, like you’re stuck on the Clyde during Hurricane Bawbag.

And, the sight or smell of anything: raw meat, your husband, someone eating a sandwich, can make it considerably worse. Just like that morning after Pete’s 30th Birthday.

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4. The Drooth

You wake up, reach for your glass of water and it’s empty. ‘Juice’ you croak like you’ve been kipping in the Sahara overnight.

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The cause is not overindulgence though, it’s making a baby. There is no thirst quite like a pregnant woman’s… except maybe someone who has been out on the lash!

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5. Carb Loading

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They say you don’t need to eat for two until your third trimester but anyone who has had an adult headache knows, sometimes the only thing to quell the quease is fried food, salty crisps and a good slug of Ginger, and the same goes for pregnancy.

You know something green would be better and there’s a chance you might see your fish supper again but, at the time, it was like hope in a poke.

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6. The Bloat

Clothing of choice for a hangover: pyjamas, jogging bottoms, stretchy waistbands. See similar for maternity wear.

Before you get to the lovely bump stage of pregnancy, most of us appear, well, just a bit fat.

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It could be the greasy food, glugging gallons of water or the small and important fact that you’re growing a baby but, in all honestly, it looks more like you had a big night out and devoured aDominos at 3am. Sorry.

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7. The Headaches

Hormone headaches are considerably worse than normal headaches. They’re different from having had one too many at your pals wedding the night before and more like a nasty migraine.

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However, the feeling is the same, wanting to lie down in a dark room and for the person practising drums upstairs to do one.

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What makes pregnancy headaches worse is you can’t take anything (other than paracetamol) from your medicine cabinet to soothe them. Ouchy.

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8. The Tiredness

You might have scored eight hours the night before (this is only possible with a hangover pre-kids), however, you still feel like you’ve barely slept a wink. Your body weighs a tonne, getting off the sofa is a struggle and the day feels considerably longer than any other.

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You decide adult bedtime should be about 5pm.

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9. The Insomnia

Another similarity between early pregnancy and being hungover is feeling (hair of the) dog tired but being unable to sleep.

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You can’t get comfortable, you need at least eight pillows to even attempt to get your head down and you count down the minutes (not sheep) before it’s reasonable to get up and go and watch telly.

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10. And, Finally

You might wonder if that night of passion really was such a good idea…

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But then you get your big girl pregnancy pants on and buckle down until (hopefully) around 12-16 weeks (my experience is it tends to be the latter) when suddenly you won’t feel that bad and you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about; which is a wee bit like the pregnancy equivalent of when you say ‘Honestly, I’m never drinking again’!