Friday, 27 February 2015

The Woman Behind the Veil

Tamar lay still in
bed listening to the sounds of chirping birds on the nearby trees. It
wasn’t evening yet and the day seemed to move by quite slowly for
her. She had been called in by her husband Onan. She had left her
chores midway to come please him at his request. But then here she
was; lying on bed after the aftermath of their copulation and still
felt wary of herself. There was something definitely wrong. This was
not what the womenfolks talked about whenever they talked about sex.
They always had this look of fulfillment, satisfaction. Call it
whatever it may be but definitely not what she was feeling right now.
She knew that she was missing out on something.

This was her second
marriage. She had been a virgin when she had been given into
marriage. Her relationship with her first husband hadn’t been much
to talk about. She had barely known him when he passed away. They had
had only a few days together. But then as the Jewish custom will
have it, She had been given to the next-in-line brother, Onan to
continue his heritage. This is because she had no children with her
first husband. Here
she was having these same thoughts going through her mind and heart.
It was a feeling of déjà vu. She signed.

She got up from the
bed and rustled through the crumpled clothes on the floor looking for
her cover cloth. She found it and covered herself. Silently stepping
outside so as not to wake her sleeping husband. She made her way out.
The air outside was quiet cool as it hit her. She hadn't noticed the
tears that had spilled down her face amidst the thoughts that run
through her mind. Quickly, she wiped them away and scurried to
continue her chores and help the other women in the house.

She tried to make
sense of all that was happening to her but
words were not enough to explain them. She was
beautiful in every sense of the word and yet she didn't feel womanly
enough. Womanhood; the pride and joy of it seemed to elude her. Which
woman after being married to two able-bodied men was unable to get
pregnant. Yet she also knew it had nothing to do with her. How do you
explain the secret matters of the bedroom to another person? It was
as if the men had disgust for the thought of her carrying their seed.
How do you call a woman into your tent to sleep with her with the
sole of purpose of satisfying your need and have no regards to the
need of the woman?

To her; a whore was
of much better value than her. At least, they had something to show
forth for their labor. Something to prove the substance of their
trade. At least that was more honorable. But here she was; she had
nothing. Absolutely nothing!

A S-C-R-E-A-M broke
though her thoughts terrain. Followed by a heart wrenching wail. Her
heart skipped a beat as she ran towards the source of the scream. It
was coming from Onan's room. She ran towards the room.

She was shaking as
she reached it and entered into the tent. What she saw before her
confirmed her fears. It had happened again. Onan dead! She broke down
and began to sob. “Not again!”, she cried. Wailing, she felt she
couldn't take it any longer. Judah, her father-in-law came for her.
He took her outside the tent . He took her to the women so she could
be consoled.

But no, not this
time. No one could console her. Her grief was beyond reason. Her
grief was made much worse as the thought of the stigma that was
associated with it stared at her in the face. For the second time, a
man she was married to dies.

The next few days
were quiet a drudgery. Like a forlorn woman, she could barely lift
her head. She couldn't move around freely without bumping into
someone who beheld her with pity or the other one ; mockery. She
preferred to be alone rather than to seek the company of her women
folk. The gossip, the stigma, it was just too much.

She would often cry
unto the God of her forefathers and yet that was when God decided to
remain quiet. Judah as her father-in-law preferred to avoid her - who
could blame him. Having lost two sons to the same woman, his grief
was also comprehensible.

The father of the
tribe Jacob was known as a man with a deep connection with the God of
the Universe. A man believed to be blessed by God had no words of
comfort for her either. Or to even explain why she has faced this
fate.Based on Genesis 38