The best words of advice I got at the onset of caring for my mother after she was in assisted living was: "Don't go visit at regular times". It seems minor but it is really important for your freedom and stress level. Keep your visits on your timing, as much as possible so they won't expect it. Remember you are paying big money for professionals to be there so you don't have to be.

3 Comments

Ahhh, Iowa...good people there! I believe he will make friends after awhile. Mom's assisted living is like a soap opera...something gossipy going on all the time. She loves complaining about the others, but I ask her if she wants me to find another place and she refuses, saying she knows everybody...if they'd just quit dying on her and being replaced by newbies! haha It's a hoot hearing who is flirting with whom and this one can't hear a word and that one can't remember her own name, complaints to the cook, etc. She claims there's too much going on and she's tired by evening from sitting through too many bingo games. Haha

Exhausted101, you are so right.... I always give that advice but I find myself going to see my Dad almost daily :P

The way I look at it, it's like sending a kid away to college... you hope they like the dorm.... make new friends.... like the food... and get to classes [activities] on time. You can't help but worry.

I know I need to start backing off, as there is no need for me to go every day. Dad still has his Caregivers from back when he lived at home, but they are now just mornings instead of full-time... so he has the whole afternoon and evening to do what he wants. I think I would feel better if he would make some friends, but I guess it is not easy to do at 94 years old. He's only been there 3 weeks. He does have dinner in the main dinning room with the same couple, who's wife is from the same part of Iowa that my Dad is from :)

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