Dear Readers, We always call
you "Dear" readers, although you may by just one of the ordinary
'mugs' or 'suckers.' No matter, accept the heartiest good wishes from
the Editorial Staff for a Merry Christmas. Although the tables no
longer groan (as they did in the old novels) under the weight of provender
we hope that your table will squeak a little; and that you will enjoy
a rest at this festive season of the year. So! here's to you, who have
helped us in the past year to put the Magazine across. Don't be
backward with the mistletoe, boys, go to it.

During the year we have striven to
be serious only in the Editorial; and now Christmas comes round again
and finds the world still at war, bear with us while we doff Christmas
festivity and survey the year.

Latterly the forces of Freedom have
rallies, dealing embattled Tyranny a mighty blow, eliminating the junior
Axis partner, who now pays a bitter price in war for her misguided
policy. Not yet has Italy proved to be more than a passive bystander.

Our Russian Allies have made war -
War against the Teuton, war such as he never dreamt of, on such a scale so
vast, so swift, so terrible. A chill wind from the East blows over the
Balkans, a wind bearing the thunder of the guns, and the crash and fall of
armies.

Air Chief Marshall Sir Arthur
Harris's grim promise of the autumn of 1942, that he would destroy the
German cities one by one has been fulfilled in all its tremendous scope, the
R.A.F. striking like the Wrath of God, eliminating the Nazi cities one by
one.

We look to 1944 to bring us great
things, who knows, the collapse - into the pit from whence it sprang - of
Nazi-ism. When that happy day comes, we shall have our old Christmases
back again, so let's make this a Merry Christmas and don't forget to make
whoopee.

We would like to commence our
feature this month by extending to the many men and women of our works,
who are about to plunge into the sea of matrimony, our heartiest
congratulations and good wishes. We know at Christmas, wedding
bells get more to do than at any other time, and as we do not get
information regarding all our Workers we trust this will be accepted by
all such as referring to them.

Great amusement was caused by
the action of a certain person in the A/C, who being stationed in the
new type of cubicle (which is solid brick for four feet, then the top
part being wire mesh). was seen continuously slamming the door after the
workers went out. Was his object to keep out the draught, or was
it to prevent his "hair" from being disarranged?

Congratulations to Tommy Blair,
A/C 1, on the occasion of his marriage to Miss Betty Hamill on Nov.
3rd. Good Luck

Will the Gridley Gauger of S.H.
1, please let us into the secret of how she can travel on the tram for a
halfpenny fare. Come Ena, be a sport.

Who was the Shell clerk who
lured the young lady to the Balcony of the Ulster Hall, during the
recent Welfare Dance. He must have been a "Masterman."

What attracts a young fitter
from S.E. Dept. to the A/C. Perhaps Nat. could help us? Who
is the cowboy of the Hackling Dept. Perhaps the Foreman could help
us? What is the attraction for "Comber" on the Falls
Trolley Bus? Perhaps Mary could help us? What young lady in
Dept. 13 has developed a liking for fish and chips and why?
Perhaps Francis could tell us? Impatience in the A.P. Paint
Spray. Is it to be Lily or Annie? Perhaps Bunty could help
us? Has the blonde waitress on the night shift found the target
with her bow and arrow? Perhaps Tony the Engineer could help us?

Who is the young man of A/C 2
who has been seen assisting the young ladies of the Fitting Benches with
their embroidery? "In and out, in and out," says the Taylor.
Watch your fingers - Andy.

Who is the young man who
attracts a continuous stream of admirers from the Mechanical Costs to
the Creditors A/cs. Section? Keep it up John, and "Eve"
may turn up yet.

Competition is keen 'twixt
Isobel and Gladys for hand of certain electrician. The Wages
Office say Gladys has won first round. Watch for round 2, and by
the way Jim, what's this we hear about A.T.S. girls? Has Isobel
nothing to say about it?

Congratulations to Miss Rose
Taggart, S.H. 4 on her engagement to My Bill Foster of Gallaghers
Ltd. Also to Miss Rhoda Patty, F.B., on the occasion of her
marriage to Mr. Ken Micho, U.S. Army.

We regret very much to learn
that our esteemed friend and clerk, Davy, from S.H. 1 has given up
dancing, and just when he and his partner were making such
progress. Is it because winter is coming in? Or has the
twinkle gone from his feet into his eyes. We wonder, because,
"Davy does dance delightfully."

We have been requested by Miss
Lily Lowe to thank the many friends who sent floral tributes and
expressions of sympathy to her, on the death of her mother.

Workers in S.H. Paint Spray are
anxious to know when Dicky is going to do a man's job. They
suggest for him to try a class of knitting. What about it, Dicky?

An effort from a budding Poet
has reached us, so here it is.

Our Wages Department, is a pitiful sight
As the females they gabble by day and by night.
"Big Lil" is the leader, her tongue does not rest
She talks of the Yanks, and declares they're the best.
But "Ginger," poor thing, was once heard to declare
"No, Irish for me" and put her head in the air.
We've watched Isobel, who has got quite a flair
Thro' sighing for "Davy" with the light brown hair.
Of course then, there's Nancy, heart carried away
By the "Wop" whose laughter is heard every day.
Not forgetting our Kitty, ever talking of course
To Constable Sweeney, Downpatrick Police Force.
These glamorous creatures did nature create
Get most of their beauty from powder and paint.
So be not too jealous, my hard working friend
Of "suckers" whose money, these girls help to spend.

We hear of a big Scotch party
on New Year's Night. Any invitations going Mrs. McB.?

Who is the Mrs. McNeese of the
A/C 2?

We trust we are in order in
offering our congratulations to Mr. J. Neill of Wolfhill on his
engagement to Miss M. McCreedy, formerly of Docket Office, but, the boys
are still "Hopin'" for a treat.

The many friends of Arthur
Campbell, "Do All" King of A/C Fame will regret his leaving
the Firm. His many impersonations will be sadly missed at our
mid-day Concerts. Wishing "Darkey" all the best.

In answer to Winnie of A/C 1
Dept. No Mabel was not playing "Hunt the Slipper," but
hunt the "heel" and did she enjoy it? Nuff said.

Who was the draughtsman who
thought Cos X, was the name of a Russian soldier, how about it B?

Outstanding amongst the
Christmas rush is Sammy (Rubber Cheque) Leslie of A.P. 4. whose letter
to us we quote in full:-

Sir - I am bringing to your notice the fact that I am about to be
married at Xmas (25th Dec.) and I hear that you have a Fund to reimburse
those who are regular readers on the occasion of their marriage.
Hoping you will consider this, my application. Yours, Sammy Leslie

NO Sammy, we have not any Fund
but we will most certainly attend your wedding, along with all the other
folk in the canteen who you so generously invited.

Oh, Barney, your blarney you think it is hot, so now
we're putting you right on the spot
For writing things that are really not true this deed we'll surely make
you to rue
Next time your mind begins to wander see that your mates you do not
slander
Your bright ideas of verse and rhyme seem to us a serious crime
You think there is time just make a clean breast
As we'd like you to die with your sins all confessed
To die like a man and free from sin we would help the grave digger to
tuck you in
And pray for you, but you won't know ii our dear, departed, and crazy
poet.

The girls of York Road, they're the pride of the town
For helping the war effort, they won't let you down
Their war work they tackle, they do all they can
In producing munitions they equal the man.
There's Lena the Gauger, the head of the class
Who keep her chin up and sticks to her task
The Gaugers and Fliers are only a few.
Of the Girls of Old Ulster who prove what they can do.
Not forgetting Jean Wilson and Annie Boyce, too
Whatever the job they always come thro'
Now there's Mary and Mabel and Maisie and Ann
They may not be Angels but they do all they can.
They keep on the Filing to finish the Shell
For Monty to smash old Hitler to H--L
There's Billy the Foreman, and brave Harry as well
For commanding the shop them none could excel.
Two boys from the Braid Town there is Jimmy and Tom
They know their job well, and they just carry on
They all work together, to feed all the guns
To bring the boys home, when they conquer the Hun.
JOHN GREER

A Foundry Sensation

A
beautiful blonde arrived at the Foundry the other day. Immediately
Jimmy McEvoy saw her, he pushed P. Wee aside and "weighed" her
up - she was promptly sent to the "Mag" beauty of last month,
Jack Shilliday. "I will soon mould her" said he, taking
her to the sand. When he was finished he introduced her to Jack
McCandless: "I'll blast her" but she needs a little
hardening, so she went to Harry Campbell because of the temper.
After Harry had the heat on, she was pushed
over to Davy Higgin to give her a night cap but as he was off the
night-shift he had no time. So there was nothing left but to send
for Jack Clarke who, when he heard she was demoralised got Harry
"Gripping" her tightly by the hand to take her to paint
spray. When she returned to the Foundry office Billy Jordan wanted
to know if she was "booked" but with a face like brass from
Tommy Murphy, she said she wanted the A.C.

Shortest Ghost Story Ever

Two men
were sitting in a train going at speed, reading, one a newspaper, one a
volume of ghost stories. Presently the ghost story reader
flung his book down and said to his companion. "Ghost stories
are all bunk - I don't believe in ghosts." "Don't
you," said his companion - and vanished.

Letters from the ForcesH.Q. Coy. 2nd Batt. Rifle Brigade, M.E.F.

Dear Sir,
I wish to thank the Staff and Workers for the great kindness they have
shown to me. I can assure you we lads in the Forces appreciate the
Parcels, the contents of which are very acceptable. I must thank
all who make the Magazine so interesting. Well, speaking of the
Magazine I have another Shankill Road lad here with me and I an assure
you we look forward to receiving the Magazine to have the news of the
old Firm. I would like if you would remember me to Jack McCluskey
and all the old hands of the Gill Shop. Sorry there's not much to
write about, and as it is nearing Christmas I will take the opportunity
of wishing you a Merry Christmas and may 1944 be a bright, happy and
peaceful year for us all.
Yours sincerely, Rfm. S. Nellins, 6974924

First, of
course, last month was the beauty Contest, and we congratulate the
winners on their success. Incidentally we believe that the run to
Dispersal "L" has been very popular since the Dispersal
captured the first and second places in the contest. "The
Works" Military Band ran their second show in the Works' Canteen
and presented a varied and amusing programme. We hardly recognise
in the resplendent beings on the platform ensconced behind a yard or two
of brass as our workmates. A prominent member of the Cost Office
made his stage debut in this show, and demonstrated that in some things,
the Cost Office technique cannot be bettered. Isn't that so,
Jimmy?

"Celebrating
Social" at Dispersal "L"

A very
nice gesture was made by the workers in giving a social evening in
honour of the recent winners of the Beauty Contest held in the Ulster
Hall. After tea, which reminded us of pre-war days, the
festivities commenced. We had dances, songs and games which were
enjoyed by everyone with gusto. Phyllis was so well attended by the
Air Force that even "Spark Pim" failed to make a
"contact." "Spitfire" gave a
"Tauber" performance of "Eileen O'Grady" and
"Winnie" also obliged with a couple of songs. Mr. T.
Murphy then made presentations to the winners of the Beauty Contest and
for the first time (I'm sure) these girls were lost for words.
Dispersal "L" should well be proud of its feat by supplying
the first and second prize-winners. By the way, the Editor would
like to know what "Supernatural powers" "Romeo"
exercises over the female sex.

It's All Tripe!

Our
Bought Goods Stores hold many things, almost any article you care to
mention may be found there, specifically excluding of course such items
as appeared in the Arabian Nights, ie., Persian Rugs, Pearls of Ormuz,
and Diamonds of Golconda. No, we do not stock any of these.
We had something, rarer, something intangible, something that could not
be seen (although opinions differ on this), but was just there.
The Presence in the Stores made itself known to everyone. In
brief, dear reader, there was a SMELL in the Stores.
It wasn't a "pong" or a
"tang" it was just plain undiluted smell. It was a very
King of Stinks, and it waxed stronger ad stronger hour by hour.
One by one the Stores staff evacuated their positions under the creeping
barrage and fell back to prepared positions in the rear. The
situation grew worse, so a specially trained and equipped force of
plumbers led by the Air Marshall was flung into the fray. Some
would have flung themselves out again, but for their excellent morale.
This strong force began a systematic comb-out
in an effort to trace down the enemy pong-point. Every possible
kind of drainage was overhauled, and still no luck. Wave after
wave of the smell rolled through the building by now it was nearly
visible. But as the poet hath it, inspiration comes in the stilly
watches of the night, and so it came to the task force of plumbers.
While coursing mute - like baffled bloodhounds
- at about 2 o'clock in the morning, the leader raised a cry of joy;
"I have it," he said. Whereupon the little band drew
close to their leader, and in solid formation charged into the very
thick of the odour. They discovered that the cause of the trouble
in a bin, alone and forgotten these three weeks - one pound of tripe.

Great Stampede

The Hooter blows, the doors
swing wide
The rush for food is on
Like hungry cattle on the run
The great Stampede is on.
Woe betide all you pour souls
Should you fall by the way
For you can rest quite content
It would be your judgment Day.
No mercy will be shown to you
Should you just hesitate
For down you'll go - and sudden death
Will certainly be your fate.
So take a tip and stay behind
The tea will not go wrong
For after all you will agree
It's not so very strong
JIGS

Preparations are in full swing here
to provide a Xmas treat for 150 school children up to ten years old,
selected from the various Schools in the locality. The suggestion was
put forward by the "Great White Chief" Tommy Murphy at out
Celebration Social. Following the lead given, we got going into ways
and means. We started off with a "Tarpaulin Muster" for funds and
what have you? Enthusiasm is running high, and the response has been
amazing, help coming in from the most unexpected quarters.

The male element are rendering
yeoman service in making toys and repairing others that have been brought
in. Whilst dolls, games, etc. are still rolling in, we hope to provide
each child with a substantial toy, plus a Tea and Xmas Entertainment.
A number of wooden horses have been constructed and the painting of these
has given vent to the artistic urge that has been apparently lying
dormant. No Red Indian Chief ever had a Piebald Pony arrayed like one
of these. The colour schemes have to be seen to be believed.

Since the party will be thrown
after these notes have gone to Press, a full account of the proceedings will
be given in our January Number. This is our first effort along these
lines and we are trying to make it a huge success.

The "Aussies" gain is the
"Yanks" loss. Tell us, Winnie, was it his Red Head, or just
his cute little Nose, maybe just his eyes glistening like the "Southern
Cross/"

Blackout

Say, Isobel, what do you
Know? Wasn't that our "Small Dark Man" we saw escorting you
to the Dressmakers. Why! You might have lost him in the
Black-out.

That's My Story, or is it?

Come, Come Tommy give us the low
down. Do you really visit Lisburn to see a Show, quite sure it wasn't
that dainty wee "Red-head" Nan, you'd be seeing. There's
only seven days and nights in one week. Tommy, we agree, but still it
takes a lot of swallowing.

"Salad" (Heart-Throb V's Cupboard Love)

We have two very curious young
ladies in this Factory, who are wondering, if Tommy and Jimmy will miss
them, or their Apple Pie. Since the "Bhoys" were translated
to the Lower Shop Dame Rumour has it, that Tommy, or was it Jimmy, who was
heard singing that popular song. "I miss your Apple
Pie"

Bus Conductor Suffers Severe Shock

You have no idea how keen our Girls
are to be in early. Just how keen, thereby hangs a tale.
............Minnie dashed for the 'bus the other morning - and got it.
The 'bus sailed on, bearing Minnie as a Passenger. She held out her
hand to the Conductor, who strangely enough, just stared, did he see Cash
being proffered, he did not, but only a hand full of curling pins, that
Minnie had grabbed in her haste. P.S. Conductor is expected to
recover.

Fire-Watchers Return Match

This took place in our Canteen,
between our Darts Team and A.R.P. Post 237. Mr. Fred Allen acted as
M.C. and Umpire. The play was a study in contrasting styles. The
way the darts were thrown gave me the impression that armour piercing
bullets were being used, so firmly were they planted into the Target
Area. Eileen Dewey amongst many others was in really good form.
Some of the matches were needle contests in suspense. They say that
"the Lord tempers the wind in the shorn lamb," I don't know
about that, better ask the "Boys," they lost again,
strangely enough, by precisely the same score as the previous Match 12 games
to 3. These matches with the A.R.P. Post have become a popular item on
our Programme, and we hope that they may long continue. Tea was
provided and a short social evening followed, rounding off a very enjoyable
evening.

Have you ever heard of this
conscience business? You know what I mean - the sort of inner
prompting which says - do this and yells - No! when that nice little blonde
in green smiles at you. Well, stand back and get an
earful. You are about to see in cold print a verbatim account of Me,
My Better Self (hereafter known as B.S.) and my Wicked Self (also known as
W.S.)
The first time I became aware of my triple identity
was when wandering around town at a loose end one evening. Wander here,
wander there, and naturally you end up in front of a swing door with
"Bar" on it. Me - that is the writer - was turning over in
my mind whether to have a quick one or a quick two when B.S. and W.S.
appeared. One on the right and one on the left. W.S. (Wicked
Self) was unshaved, wore a disreputable pair of flannels and a regrettably
loud sports coat and a panchromatic tie. He reeled a little.
Better Self was in an irreproachable lounge suit,
white shirt and carefully chosen tie, was clean-shaven and freshly
washed. Wicked Self got in first. "Come on in, Pal"
said he, "You've a thirst that should be photographed."
"Stay!" said Better Self, "Don't go into that place -
drink is the ruin of the working class."
"Away and chase yourself!" growled Wicked
Self, "work is the ruin of the drinking classes. Come on
dogsbody." So in went Me, W.S. and much against his will -
B.S. Now of course W.S. was in his element. When I had knocked
back a noggin he fairly glowed. Better Self looked sorrowful and
shuddered. Well, it was a wet evening - Wicked Self got more masterful
and Better Self was reduced to clicking his tongue sorrowfully. But
even that better half of one's conscience has its limits, and this limit was
reached about the seventh or ninth pint of wallop - I know it was an odd
number anyway.
It happened this way. Better Self, in
the intervals of tongue clicking and sipping lemonade glanced round the
lounge. His eye fell on a lonely little brunette, sitting in a shady
corner, dabbing her eyes with a minute fragment of lace, obviously waiting
for someone who hadn't turned up. I must say this for Better Self,
he's no dozer. In the time it took for him to stand up he had the
whole situation weighed up. Adjusting his tie, he moved over on his
mission of mercy - the wolf!
Wicked Self and I were too busy swapping yarns to
notice his absence - but after a very good effort we looked round for Better
Self. "Bet the dumb cluck's gone home for the night," said
W.S. - Then standing up he looked round and delivered himself a choice
phrase that made two sergeant-major's blush. Quoth he, "I thought
I was supposed to think up all the fun for you - look and see what that
cissy Better Self is up to." I looked - Oh most regrettable.
Better Self was just removing a lipstick mark from
his face, quite oblivious of one on his right cheek. And he was
clutching a double whiskey in his other hand. He saw us looking and
waved cheerily. He and the gorgeous brunette arose, and sauntered out
arm in arm. Stunned, I looked at Wicked Self. "You,"
said I, "are slipping - You couldn't even get Better Self to drink a
beer or look at a dame. Now we're left here by ourselves and he's taken that
marvellous piece of homework out for a walk. You supposed to be my
Wicked Self. Cha! You're a fine specimen - in future I'll always
listen to my Better Self. (Maybe that brunette has a sister)"
Moral. There probably isn't any, but you
never know with conscience, do you?

Now down in the Spindle Erection
There works the "cream of the firm"
And when the girls see those glamour boys
My but their hearts do yearn!
First there's Bobbie Porter
Who's just started to walk the right way
Well, Bobbie, just follow Sam's footsteps
And the rest can't lead you astray!
Then next there's "Apostle Baxter"
The heartbreak of the shop
Apostolic, backward, and quiet
Our opinion retained by 'yon' cop?
Now, Sammy, you know you ought not to
Have kept the young ladies out late
Twelve o'clock's a late hour to be singing
Now what excuse can you make.
The one that we're thinking of is Dundrum
Why won't he just follow the train
Please believe the "Apostle" Mr. Nesbitt and Bob
That the "Blackout" is not like its name.
And now as we turn to the lighter side
The next one you meet with is Joe
He's the peroxide blonde with the navy blue streak
And looks more like a school-boy, you know.
Now, Barney, we don't think Royal Avenue
Is quite the right place to court
Why didn't you wait till the blackout
We didn't think you were that sort!
The last but not least of these handsome lads
Is our Charlie Ballintine
February seventeenth's not his birthday
But we did say "Valentine."
Accompanied by his cousins
He's seen around a great deal
Perhaps that's why he broke the date
Please, Charles, we didn't mean to squeal.
TO BE CONTINUED

"Darkie" Irvine is his name
For Football betting he is famed
Then there is old Jimmy Brown
He's always walking up and down.
From early morning till eight at night
His coupons he must hold them tight
For all the walking that he does
He would be better wearing Clogs
And Jimmy Devlin is not so hot
When he won't let us in after six o'clock
As for Bertie Forsythe he's the best of the lot
He doesn't say much but we don't care a jot
I the rest of the Charge Hands would take his tip
Instead of shouting which gives us the "pip"
The Machines would roar till work is done
Sure we'd help to finish off the "Hun"
I'm sure dear folks, you've got a scare
But without all the "brown coats"
The Shop would look bare!From Girl Machinists of A.C. 1 Shop

Guess Who?

He's known as the Lord Mayor of Lisburn, can anyone here
guess his name?
When machinery breaks down in Mackie's this man is always fair game
He works at the end of the Foundry in a shop of greatest renown
He isn't a Foreman but then just the same a better man could not be found.

Correspondence

The Editor, Mackie's Magazine.

Dear Editor, I have to
congratulate you on the new feature in the last issue of the Magazine, in
the form of the deliberate mistake. I have seen this feature in some
Sunday papers and heard it on the wireless in the "Monday night at
eight" programme, and although the originators of these programmes have
done their best to envelop the mistakes in as much mystery as possible, I
certainly think that you have beaten their record by printing the deliberate
mistake without even telling your readers about it!
However, as I said before, I thought the idea was
very good, and I was glad that the little bit of Latin that I learned at
school came in useful at last. Because we were taught at school that
"bis" was the Latin for "twice" and bi-centenary must
therefore necessarily mean a celebration of 200 year's existence. As
Albert Foundry appears to have been transferred to its present site in 1893,
I am afraid you will have to leave the word bi-centenary to the Editor who
will be in charge in the year 2093, as I cannot hold reasonable hopes that
you will be in a position to continue in your office to that year. I
must admit I got a bit stuck when it came to the question of finding the
correct word for 50 years' celebration, but after some difficulties I was
able to solve the puzzle with the aid of the dictionary which showed the
correct word to be "Quinquagenary." I am looking forward to
the deliberate mistakes in your future issues.
Yours sincerely J.M.Even the wisest of
us make mistakes picturesquely described as "bassets, now and
again. We have made a most gorgeous basset. We blundered.
We fell - we are rolled in the mire. We number amongst our readers men
of erudition and learning who have pointed out to us in no uncertain terms
our error. We were abashed, humbled - we crawled into a hole with the
"Oxford" Dictionary and burned much midnight oil - and find that -
wait for it, mob - Bi-centenary is a two hundred year period. The
cat's out of the bag. We bow in humble contrition and beat our breast
in exculpation. All we can say is - when we make a mistake there's no
doubt about it. Editor

He grabbed my slender neck
I could not yell or scream
He dragged me to a darkened room
Where we should not be seen.
He tore from me my flimsy wrap
And gazed upon my form
I was so cold and damp and scared
Whilst he was hot and warm.
His fevered lips he pressed to mine
I gave him every drop
He drained me of my very self
I could not make him stop.
He made me what I am to-day
That's why you'll find me here
A broken bottle thrown away
That once was full of beer.
MORAL :- Many a chain of thought has proved to be a string of empties

"Secret Session"

In the "G" Shop, where mortals in ecstasy dwell
And workers of both sex do fraternize well
There's a trio - my word, they are causing concern
By their frequent meetings which an end seem to spurn.
There's Johnny, the labourer who works in the bonds
When we mention a cereal, the other responds
And the third is a lady enshrouded in green
And there near the fountain she always is seen.
The trio in session are striking to watch
Two men and a woman are hardly a match
Whatever their topic, 'tis plain to be seen
By their actions, and gestures it's business they mean.
For the sake of the reader I must hurry on
Contribute my effort and quickly be gone
But, before I write finis, I wish to appeal
And counsel the trio to finish the deal,
And if in the future, they wish to confer
Perhaps they could have it in secret somewhere
And ease the suspicion, their meeting creates
At the fount of the "G" Shop so near to the gates.
ONLOOKER

C "Hullo Aggie"
A "Hi Cassie"
C "Where was ye this coupla days?"
A "Ah wuz out bad. Ah had the cowl, and ah had to stay in the
house"
C "That kep' ye down all right"
A "It did not indeed. Ah got all me Christmas cleanin'
done"
C "Man ye weren't idle then. If I had a been out ye'd a got me
in the Ritz or somewhere"
A "That wudn't a cured yer cowl for ye"
C "Oh Aye, it wud if ye had a been sitten beside somebody nice
and warm an leanin' yer head on his shoulder"
A "Cassie dear, yer daft. Imagine curin' a cowl by leanin' yer
head agin somebody! Such a notion!"
C "Oh Aggie we wor at the Fortune Tellers!"
A "When?"
C "The other day. Thomasina an Bernie an Tessie and me"
A "Ye might 'a toul' us"
C "Sure ye wos out bad"
A "Where did yiz go?"
C "Oh to some oul' lady. She tossed wir cups for us"
A "What did she tell ye Cassie?"
C "Ach we had the best laugh. I wuz first. She toul' me about
a tall dark man in uniform, an' she said ah'd git nasty news from over
the water"
A "Did she say nathin' about that Yank ye wor ravin'
about?"
C "Well she did an' she didn't. She said that there wuz
trouble for some small man, an' the trouble was over a woman a long
journey away"
A "Huh. Ah suppose that's his wife waitin' on him to come
back"
C "Ah toul ye Aggie, he wuzn't married"
A "That's what he says. Ah wudn't believe anything' a Yank wud
swear to me on his bended knees. What else did she say?"
C "She turned up a disappointment for a person I know with
"A" in the name"
A "Suffern cats ad Joe let me down last night. That was sure
anyway. What did she tell Eva?"
C "Oh Eva was to have a big surprise an' there wuz some
stranger to come into her life who wud make all the difference"
A "Did she know that Eva's married?"
C "She mustn't have. Anyway Eva wuz to be crying' her eyes out
wi' joy before long"
A "How about Bernie an' Tessie?"
C "Oh Bernie an' Tessie are in for a gran' time. Bernie's
goin' to a place of amusement with somebody under the crown"
A "That's be that peeler she had a notion of. What did
she tell Tessie?"
C "She toul' Tessie that she'd have a lightnin' romance. That
she'd fall for somebody an' be married inside a three, maybe before
Christmas"
A "Dear help yer man takes Tessie in a hurry"
C "You're tellin' me! Why don't you go Aggie?"
A "My fortune's toul' Cassie. When I have Joe beside me, ah
don't need no Fortune Teller. But ah'll go some day for the laugh"
C "Luk, Aggie they're all washin' their hans"
A "Aye, the hooter'll be goin' shortly. See ye later
Cassie"
C "O.K. Aggie"

Hello
girls, This is the Christmas season and although
it is not at all like the Christmas we would wish in the line of display
and presents, still we can keep the spirit of Christmas alive by putting
up with our hardships with good grace and taking the rough with the smooth. This
year we may be short of the traditional Christmas fare but we can have a
jolly good time for all that and the "make do's" will certainly
go a long way to fill the cavity caused by the shortage of Turkey and
Roast Meat.
Presents, too, are scarce, but this difficulty
can be overcome if we stick to leather goods such as, pocket books,
shaving kits, diaries, purses and the like, because coupons are just
about on their last legs and February is still a long way off.
You will notice Mr. Dossor's letter in this
issue. Are you going to let him away with all that?
I think Bob is in for a rough time, and I am
looking forward to Mackie's girls trouncing him good and hard.
With best wishes for a Happy Christmas.
Cheerio. The Editress

Your Crowning Glory

Munition work is apt to make the
hair dull and lifeless, due to the fact that the oil and dust in the
atmosphere dulls the natural lustre and takes away the sheen from really
well groomed hair. To counteract the dirt and grease, the hair
should be washed frequently. Use a shampoo jelly made from white
Castile soap. Wash carefully twice and keep rinsing until you are
sure every scrap of soap is cleared away. Brush the hair thoroughly
using a stiff bristled brush, or two if you can manage them. Take a
brush in each hand and give stroke about. Brush up as well as down
and keep it up until the scalp tingles. If you wish to use a hair
tonic or massage, now is the time. Use a spirit tonic or Vaseline,
and rub it well into the scalp. Brushing and massage improve curls
and waves. East green vegetables in the form of salads, and don't
forget to brush the hair thoroughly and often if you want strong
beautiful lustrous waves and curls. Lastly when at work keep the
hair well tucked in. This keeps hair from the arch enemy of sheen
and lustre - oil and dirt.

Beautiful quilts can be made from odd scraps of wool. I am sure
there are plenty of odd scraps of wool lying in most houses and if
workers do not need them all wool scraps will be gratefully received by
Mrs. Clarke of the Welfare Office who knits the quilts and sends them off
to our boys who are Prisoners of War; they gratefully appreciate
the warmth of the quilts on cold nights, as they are scarce of blankets
in the Prison Camps.
So now you know what the wool scraps are for,
and next evening you have time to spare, spend an hour rooting out all
old pieces of wool or knitted material, ripped or upripped. They
can all be utilised for a very worthy object. At the Women's
Welfare Meeting I was pleased to hear the Committee Promising to save a
little sugar each week and for making into sweets for those in hospital
at Xmas time. If you know of any of our employees, both men and
women, in any of the hospitals round Xmas time, please hand names into
Welfare Department.
Workers are wondering when they are going to get
their Supplementary Clothing Coupons. Well, the clothing coupons
have not, as yet, been issued to any firms and they will be distributed
as soon as they come to hand. Wolfhill are getting along splendidly
with their Physical Training class under Instructor Amphlett. The
class meets each Monday evening, as does the G.T.C. Class in the Main
Factory. The G.T.C. have three of their own members who have been
specially trained as instructors. They are Sgt. V. Creighton, L.C.
B. Dowie, and cadet M. Moutry. The G.T.C. Choir, under the
Conductorship of Mr. R. Gracey are practising Carol Singing and will be
later heard in the Canteen.

Workers in various departments, as, for instance C/S, Gridley hands,
etc., are subject to rashes on the hands and arms, and these workers can
obtain from the First Aid a cream which cures. Many do not know how
to use the cream correctly and if the cream is to be used the following
directions should be closely observed.
First wash hands well and dry thoroughly.
Then rub on about half a teaspoonful of cream. The cream is for
protective purposes and should be renewed each time the hands are
washed. Some workers are foolish enough to use the cream for a
foundation for cosmetics. This practise should be stopped at once
as the cream serves no purpose other than the one for which it is
intended and may only spoil rather than increase your beauty.

In
The Home

For a change this month we give you some recipes for Christmas sweets,
and for a start we have a jelly made from lemonade and gelatine powder.
1. One Large Bottle Mineral Waters. Orange or red
colour is best.
2. Sugar to taste.
3. Two Tablespoonfuls Gelatine Powder (Obtainable at most
chemists)
METHOD. Bring mineral water just to boiling
point. Mix together sugar and gelatine powder and pour into the
water as it is just on the boil, stirring all the time. Let boil
for about five minutes stirring constantly. Pour into a wet mould
and leave to set.

STOMACH TROUBLES.
Shift workers are frequently annoyed by stomach trouble, and stomach
troubles and their prevention will be the main features of this month's
remarks. Night work upsets the stomach more than the other two
shifts, but the change over from one shift to another affects innumerable
people.
Indigestion is the most common stomach
complaint, and it makes its presence felt in a variety of ways. In
fact, a bad attack of indigestion often causes the sufferer to imagine they
have all kinds of complications, whereas attention given to the stomach
when the discomfort is first felt would save a lot of worry and trouble.
The first signs of indigestion is usually a pain
after eating. The pain is in the stomach, but sometimes it feels as
though it were at the heart or lungs. The murmurings and rumbles
can be felt, and these, too, are sometimes not without pain. A
burning heat comes into the stomach, occasionally this goes right up into
the throat, and sometimes mouthfuls of hot acid or "water
brash" are brought up.
This condition persists for a period and then
the stomach settles down, only to erupt again when another meal goes
down. Food cannot be enjoyed, the whole system gets knocked
"out of order" and the worker becomes depressed and nervous if
things are allowed to continue. The stomach is an organ which does a very
big job of work in an unobtrusive way. It is the main dispersal
centre of the system. All food is treated as fuel, and it is the
stomach's job to make that fuel suitable to the needs of the body.
The body must be able to absorb the fuel and put it into use right away,
otherwise the body will deteriorate and be unable to cope with the
demands made on it in every day life.
Food or fuel has to be broken down into a
workable condition and this process or "digestion" as it is
called commences when the food is being chewed. Here is the first
place to start to avoiding indigestion. If food is chewed properly
the stomach will have no lumps to contend with and can get on with its
job much more efficiently. Chew everything thoroughly and take your
time over your food. Bolted meals only hinder the digestion.
A disordered stomach means a disordered body. The best way to keep
the system in order is to eat the right food, and eat it at regular
intervals, and this is just the problem of the shift worker, and the
problem which all would like to see solved.
Light easily digested foods are just as useful
as heavy foods; therefore at any change over light foods should be taken
until the system becomes settled. Milk and Milk foods, cereals,
etc., should be taken for a day or so. And taken at regular
intervals. Get out a time table for meals and stick to it, because
long fasts leave the stomach empty, wind gathers, gastric acid gathers,
and when food does go down the dispersal centre cannot function smoothly
and off we go with an attack of indigestion, biliousness or acidity any
of which upset the system still more and make it harder for the stomach
to do its work. Take a light meal going to bed, because when you
are resting the system is not using up any energy, take a light
substantial meal on getting up; make sure of a good meal at break-time
and when you go home take a good hot meal. Take it slowly and enjoy
your food. A good tea from four till five hours later and a light
supper should complete the day.
Night shift workers may find a light snack
before going to bed, a good meal on getting up, and a further good meal
before starting work, helpful. Two till ten workers should partake
of a good dinner before starting off for work. A good tea and light
supper with a medium breakfast would be the best plan. But remember
this: irregular meals and habits are the chief enemies of a smooth
running system, so play up to your system if you want to keep in good
health and spirits. To sum up: Be regular in your habits of work,
food and sleep. Allow four or five hours between each meal.
Watch what you eat, and choose only those foods which agree with you, for
one man's meat you know is another man's poison.
Note: If an attack of indigestion comes on
whilst at work take a trip to the First-Aid where something can be
obtained which will alleviate it, or carry some baking soda and take a
small quantity. Magnesia is also very efficient in relieving
indigestion.

This Time it's About Caps

At a meeting of the Women's
Welfare Committee held recently a long time was spent in a serious
discussion on the wearing of caps. Recently there has been a number
of accidents due to carelessness and negligence on the part of
Operators. They did not wear their caps properly, hence the
accidents.
A few words about the worker and her cap may not
be out of place. The reason why each worker is given a cap on
starting is because the Firm is bound by law to issue protective clothing
to all it's employees, and the employee is bound by Law to wear the
clothing, otherwise no claims in respect accidents can be entertained.
The cap must be worn in such a manner as to
cover the hair completely, otherwise it fails to protect. Therefore
the worker in her own interests, should see to it that there are no stray
hairs, etc., coming from below the cap. By supplying caps and
warning Operators, by poster or otherwise, of the danger of not wearing
caps or of wearing them improperly, the firm has fulfilled it's
obligation, and having done so the responsibility then rests solely with
the Operator herself. Should any accident occur whilst the worker
is capless no claim for accidents can be entertained.
Wearing the cap on the back of the head and
allowing an aura of curls or sweeps or swirls to show is not only foolish
but criminally dangerous and this can be construed as an effort to flout
the law and disciplinary action can be taken against these
offenders. Many girls will argue that they don't work dangerous
machines, therefore they have no need for protection. That may be
so but there is still a legal obligation if you are employed in any room
in which there is machinery or when you may have to walk through another
department where machines are installed. Girls who do work on
dangerous machines will show their hair if everybody else is doing
likewise. If everybody kept their hair covered there would be no
accidents for girls on dangerous jobs would not be tempted.
Remember wearing the cap properly is a legal obligation and workers are
bound to observe it as they are bound to observe the rest of the laws
which are passed by Parliament.

Correspondence

Two Gaugers - We note your remarks about the crush
and push around the Canteen snack bar at break-time and have checked up
with canteens that do have as you suggest - barriers. The awkward
point is that the barriers do slow down service very much indeed, so much
so that it would take three times as long as it does now to serve
everyone. In addition the erection of barriers would cut down the
already limited space. After all, the make workers have exactly the
same problems to cope with, and they seem to have done it effectively, by
lining up in an orderly fashion. It doesn't take them so long, and
they all get served. Try lining up; and taking a firm hand with the
few selfish people who upset the arrangements. You are many, they
are few.Reply to P.G. - Yes; The Nursery School is still functioning, but
as it is only open from 7.45 a.m. till 6.30 p.m. it does not suit
Munition Workers on shifts; it is being used by Mill and Factory workers
whose working hours fit in with the school hours. The School should
certainly be open the 24 hours to give all shift workers a chance to have
their children looked after. The matter will be passed along.

Dear Editress... You have asked me to state for
the benefit of Mackie's girls, what kind of wife I would like. I
know there are lots of girls in the firm and you must think me hard to
please, but the fact is I have been keeping my eyes open, but those I
have seen so far have as much idea of being a wife as I have of deep sea
diving. Modern girls are just beyond me and I must give them up as
hopeless. When it comes to what is expected of them in the married
state, I know a number of fellows agree with me in this and would much
rather go wifeless than go through life with some of the
"dames" they see. What then, do I want?
The first attribute of any wife should be
unselfishness! Being unselfish and agreeable myself I would just
hate to come in to petulance and fits of temper over some silly whim on
the part of my better (?) half. People who think only of themselves
should never marry as they cause trouble. An unselfish wife is
usually a good manager as she thinks of everybody and plans the budget
accordingly.
Good temper and a sense of humour are what I want in
my wife, and, the ability to make intelligent conversation. I don't
like to see a "made-up" girl with a codlike expression
endlessly chewing gum and listening to some profound truth, then telling
me a few minutes later that she didn't know what I was talking about and
wasn't listening anyway; and besides she'd rather have Bing Crosby or Bob
Hope.
And that brings me to another thing -
"Make-up." Ye Gods, girls, why do you try it? All the
clowns, pierrots, and stage ghosts who ever lived would throw a fit if
they saw some of you. And you go from one extreme to the
other. One girl looks like an animated wax model and the next like
someone hotly flushed with drinking or something. You have the
effrontery then to tell us that "make-up" improves your
looks. Take a tip from Bob. If you really want a sensible
husband, wash off the paint. You look marvellous without it.
And just a tip, if you insist on using powder or rouge, just a dab with
do. We don't want our girl friends walking around like the
impersonation of an Autumn sunset. I want my wife to be sensible
and plain, for I don't like artificial beauty applied as our modern
misses apply it.
And I don't want my wife wearing slacks!
Heavens, what a sight slacks look on some girls. They are all right
if you suit them, but, girls, they're darned ugly if you've a prominent
stern. If you want a husband you'll stick to skirts with nicely
shaped calves showing naturally below them. Then men will fall for
you and not run away.
You know the type of girl I want now, don't
you? Plain, sensible, and intelligent, able to take a joke and make
one and able to enjoy life without any nonsensical frills. That's
the girl for me and if you know her send her along.
With many thanks for allowing me
space. BOB
DOSSOR.

The latest members to
join up, are W. J. Smyth and W. Hamilton (No. 3 Platoon). They have
both chosen the Royal Navy. Good Luck, and a smooth passage,
boys! A .22 shooting competition was arranged by Vol. B. Cathcart
"C" Company and Sergt. J. Smyth and H. Tedford "B"
Coys. between the No. 3 Platoons of the respective Coys. It
resulted in a very narrow victory for "B" Coy. by a single
point in 309-308. "C" Coy. was captained by Lt. C.
Crothers and "B" Coy. by Lt. P. Garratt. The shoot was
most enjoyable and it is hoped that a return match will be arranged in
the near future when o more decisive result for one of the Platoons would
result. The boys are high in their praises of their reception by
"C" Coy.
A welcome visitor in the person of Dan Spence,
late Sergt. of No. 3 Platoon and now a fully trained member of the Navy
(Combined Operations). He certainly looked fighting fit and is a
fine advertisement for Naval Training. The first film show
organised by the O.C. in the pavilion was a great success, the sound
films being both highly instructive and entertaining. It is hoped
to make the films a regular feature of the Home Guard Training.
Lt. S. Spence (No. 1) Corporals R. Craig and J.
McClean (No. 3) are representing the Coy. in a Belfast area H.G. .22
Competition. New recruits during the month were J. Shields (Tool
Room), J. Orchin (Roving Erection), G. Lyons (Tinsmiths), H. Hughes (A/C
M/C) to No. 3 Platoon T. Moore (A/C Plant Maintenance) to Sub-Artillery
and J. Wishart C/S.

One day I chanced to stray into the Transit Shed
I got a fright and saw a sight, I'm sure my poor heard bled
For a medley of discord rent the air
And I could only stand and stare
It's a machine wants oiling, or am I wrong?
But 'twas the Honer in Full Song
In the middle of "Alice where art Thou?"
The Honer lost a couple of Thou"
On hands and knees he crawled around
His search it was in vain
He couldn't find the missing Thou's
He only found a pain
"Ha, ha," cried Bill, the Foreman
"You're looking very meek
Confide in me dear Honer
What is it that you seek?"
George straightened up with grunts and groans
And on the Forman's shoulder wept
"I've lost a couple of Thou's, he moaned
I can't think where they went"
Said Bill, "They can't be far away
Let me help you in your search"
Said George, "It's like a needle in the hay"
As he got down from his perch
Inspector Sam came along with his majestic tread
Trouble on the Honer's brow he very quickly read;
"Blimey, Sam!" said George at last
"Here's something I can't unravel
I lost a couple of blinking Thou's
And Thou's you know can't travel"
"But George" says Sam, "There's plenty more
Why don't you get some from the Store?"
Sam got no thanks, as you see, for all his helpful rushing
The things the Honer said to him, had them all a-blushing
For George from London town does come
I think I must relate
I believe he finished his education
In far off Billingsgate
As they went away the Honer cried
"I hope I live to see Sam fried
These blinking Cylinders, they have me crazy
What they are for, I'm only hazy
But if Honing 'em helps to win this war
Then all I say is send me more
I only hope I don't go 'nuts'
Like Hitler and his crowd of 'Mutts'
So now then, Alice, where art thou
Help me mind that couple of Thou's.

One Night of Love

O'Connor
has a favourite tune
To others it is funny
All day long he'd sit and croon
"Put your arms around me honey"

So one night
he was working late
His mind was quite distracted
So off he went to find a mate
And found he was elected

He got as far as "Hold me
tight"
Then Bennie got a shock
For Norman Hill stood in her sight
And of them made a mock

"Your names" he said
in accents loud
To our lovers in dark despair
His presence has settled like a cloud
They wondered how they'd fare

Now Joe has got another
tune
And still we are amused
"Never no more" he'll sit and moon
And hope they'll be excused

Tempus Fugit

Joe
Murphy was a bright young lad of eighteen years of age
But now methinks he's got a fad, he thinks he is a sage
Now this young lad of tender years has taken to the pipe
And as we watch we have our fears that he will have the gripe
For Joe, though young, thinks he is old in mind if not in years
That "put on" manner so stern and bold reduces us to tears
So, now, Young Joe, please be yourself, but do not stroke your head
We're all afraid you'll get a splinter if everything's true that's said.

The
Inspector's Lament

An Inspector's life is full of
woe
And he's often told just where to go
As he travels around doing his best
To see that the work will pass the test
He gets himself into many a row
Through scrapping a job for umpteen thou'
He really doesn't know what to do
To please the many or please the few
If the threads are right the diameter is wrong
And the operator's language is strong
As he urges "don't be a silly ass"
Do let the so-and-so object pass"
"What does it matter," he'll tell you again
"It's only for an aeroplane"
He won't be in it, he doesn't care
If the plane should never take the air
All he wants is to get in his day
Waiting for Friday to draw his pay.
SEEALL

Puzzles

There is enough grazing in a field to feed 40 cows for 20 days or 30 cows
for 30 days. For how many days would the field graze 20 cows
allowing for the grass growing while the cows graze.

Two ladders are resting against parallel walls. One ladder is 20
ft. long, the other 30 ft. long. From the point of intersection to
the ground is a distance of 12 ft. Find the distance separating the
walls.

Congratulations to Miss M.
Melville of Woodvale Insp. on her engagement to Mr. B. Mehafey. Did
she need to go to Short & Harlands?
Who is the typist in the Mods. Dept., who does
not know her own address? Is that a fact, Joan, or are you too much
taken up with telling Ginger Campbell that it takes 40 minutes to walk
from the Factory gate to the tram stop? If that is so, Joan, how
long does it take you to get to the Lover's Lane?
We would like to know what big attraction a
certain young Larne man finds in the A1500 store. Maybe you could
tell us, Kathleen?
Who is the Inspector in Woodvale, who, when on
nightshift, can't sleep in bed thinking of his girl at the mercy of the
Wolves in Woodvale?
What is the attraction in the Raw Material
Store, that Susan works in three nights a week.
We are all wondering why a certain young fitter
from Floor Dept., suddenly changed his ideas about wearing a collar and
tie - maybe May was the cause of the change. What say, 'galloper'?
Nora and Johnny, did you not know that you are allowed to marry in this
Country; but I think Mickey would have a say in the matter
Maurice, what is the attraction up in 1200
store. Maybe you could tell us, Annie?
Why is No. 10 Store in Woodvale called
Funland? Is it because of the doings of Larry (Donald) Duck, Mickey
Mouse, Little Tommy Tucker, Wee Willie Winkie and Bobs-your-Uncle?
Please tell us, we are in Ernest.
Who is the outside right of Woodvale F.C. who is
breaking his heart over Jean out of P.O. Take courage, Gerry.
Faint Heart never won Fair Lady.
Any information regarding Paradise Isle will be
gratefully received by the Inspection Department.
Billy, we advise you not to take your Pacific
Cruise just yet, you might get torpedoed.
Who is the heartless young "fitter"
who kept the nice young "rivetter" standing at Woolworth's for
over thirty five minutes, and what was his reason for such a dirty
action. Pay no heed to what your mates say, Bobby, and make it up
with her, for even though she may be a bit small and quiet, she is
perhaps worth a whole squad of fitters and riveters combined.
Warning. All escaped convicts please be on
the look-out for we hear that Thomas Vaughan of the Floor Squad is
shortly to become a member of the Police Force.

Last month the Club had not
quite so many polo matches as usual, and were unlucky enough to lode 1-0
to Neptune Minors on the 22nd, and 2-1 to Clonard Juniors on the
15th. On the 2nd we were lucky enough to have Mr. Lenfesty (spring
board diving champion) practising with us. A number of club members
formed themselves into an impromptu class to find out how to dive.
We don't see our Dispersal "L" contingent at the baths so
regularly now. Another regular not now with us is "Nat"
Adams - who has an excuse - he's engaged to Miss M. Shaw.
The Club are very pleased to know that
"Dick" Geddis, the popular Treasurer of the Club is now out of
hospital and is convalescing. Martin Cleeland is deputising in his
absence.

(There are Hockey Club match results, anyone wanting
a copy can email me, only 3 names mentioned in them Barnes for Down,
Palmer and Campbell for Short & Harlands)

The Club are promoting a
Midnight Matinee in the Forum Cinema, Ardoyne, on 31st December, Tickets
2s. 6d. each. This will be a good night's amusement so make sure to
get your ticket from a Club Member.

There was an entry of 16 Teams
comprising about 200 runners and six men out of one Club must finish to
form a team.

Hearty congratulations to the
following who got the Foundry Team into 5th place:- C. Kane, 16 ; S.
Crothers, 20 ; E. Mawhinney, 25 ; A. McLeod, 33 ; S. McCluskey, 35
J. Martin, 54 ; total ; 183 points, thus beating many of the long
established Clubs. A special word of praise is also due to E.
Anderson, the Foundry Team Captain, to whose untiring energy and interest
much of the Club's success is due.

Members of the Albert Foundry
Club, as well as all others in the Team who are interested, should note
that the Annual Club Cross Country Handicap Race (4 miles) will be run on
Christmas morning at 10.30 a.m. in the fields facing Hutments on
the West Circular Road.

For this Christmas Number we are
giving away free tickets to Dublin for the 24th December, 5.43 train, so
watch carefully for the lucky Magazine. Yu will be told what to
look for by the posters around the Works.

Toolroom

There's a Shop called the Toolroom, it's very well
known in this firm
And the person who runs it can certainly make the men squirm
Although he is quiet, generous and kind to slack at your work means the
bureau you'll find
And then there is Eddie the Draughtsman of course
He is really quite quiet and works like a horse
The 'phone it off' rings for Jimmy we hear
But the words that come through are alas Beer, Beer, Beer
For it seems some poor sap with his £2 has parted
To make all the Foremen in Mackie's lighthearted
Then at 5.30 sharp you shall see them all stroll
And for a few hours later I fear the words roll.
AN OBSERVER