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This blog started as a place to chronicle my attempt at rekindling a long ago romance in spite of the fact that we were both married to others but evolved into a journal of my sexual revolution and now what is hopefully my maturation into a fully functional adult.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Break Up

Have you seen this movie,the one with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn? I hadn't until last night. Boy do certain aspects of that movie ring true for me. Maybe I'll expand this post later. No time right now.

-----------------------------------------------Thanks to a slow running data warehouse query I had time to flesh out this post this afternoon.

It was interesting watching the movie with W last night, sitting as we often do on opposite sides of the room, about as little like a couple as two people in one room can be. The movie is about a couple who break up, and the ensuing angst and pain and frustration. Now, if you asked W I’m sure he would say the movie wasn’t all that good or interesting or even relevant to our lives in any way. I, however, found myself riveted to it and watched with fascination as I saw bits and pieces of my life appearing before me in various scenes. When it was over I asked what he thought of it, and he grunted some and said it was okay he guessed. I chose not to pursue the conversation further as it was bedtime anyway.

Here are the three big things that slapped me in the face from this movie:

Communication & MiscommunicationBoy oh boy could I relate to this concept. It was interesting to me that at several points in the movie Aniston’s character and Vaughn’s character are trying to communicate a message to one another and missing. Why? Because they aren’t addressing things head on but in a round about “here’s my strategy” kind of way. I am so often guilty of that if it were a crime I’d be on death row by now. I mean one thing. I say something else trying to lead my victim at the time into understanding what I want/need/care about. More often than not, my poor victim is clueless and then I’m pissed off because I didn’t get what I wanted/needed/cared about. Guilty as charged, Your Honor.

Crying Woman/Clueless GuyThe scene that occurs in the bedroom after the concert where Vaughn’s character never shows up (due to that miscommunication thing above) is so me with BJ. After not getting what I want I end up crying, and he starts off clueless only to figure out why I’m upset later. Or else he asks if this is why I’m upset, and I have to explain that he is way far off and what the reasons really are. Man, when I watched that scene in the movie I thought somebody had been spying on me to get the idea and dialogue.

Light Bulb Moment Too LateVaughn’s character finally gets it. The pieces come together for him, and he tries to make amends. He makes dinner complete with fresh flowers in a vase on the table. He shows Aniston’s character that he does finally get it. He has heard her and understands and sees his part in the problem and starts to work to make things better. The only problem is that it has come too late. Aniston’s character has already given up and moved on psychically, even though not physically yet. I sure see W in this one, and I wonder if BJ won’t have that moment someday. C’mon guys. Get on board when you’ve got the chance. The train doesn’t wait indefinitely. In W’s case it’s already down the tracks. For BJ, it’s engine is stoked and is almost ready to pull away from the station. If he waits much longer to have that moment, he’ll have missed it altogether.

Oh, and the other thing about this movie that I thought of a few times while watching is that I remember last year when it was in theaters that J told me that T, who had already kicked him out and was in the process of divorcing him, took him out for his birthday and took him to that particular movie. He was not amused. Why does that thought bring a smirk to my face?

I have not seen the movie, but I will comment that I am way not on board the whole "guys get on board when you have the chance". Sorry, I am all about the relationships are two way streets thing, and any person of any gender expecting the other one to read minds or get clues totally strikes me as wrong. If you want something, then say so, and if the best a person can do is leave little hints, they why do they have the right to get upset (or angry), and put the other person through all kinds of crud for not getting the hints?Ok, just saying.

SM - I understand what you are saying, and I agree that nobody should be expected to be a mindreader. My comments about getting on board while the chance is there is more in reference to my own situations where I have (just recently as in the last couple of years, I'll admit I wasn't always) been bluntly honest about what I need and want and not gotten it. All I've gotten is put off and asked to be patient and understanding. With W, now that he is trying a little harder, only half heartedly but harder than before, I find that I've already moved on in my mind and my heart. I'm not in this marriage any more in any substantial way except legally. The train has left the station. I just don't think we could get it back no matter what we tried at this point.

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We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all exist very nicely in the same box. -- Unknown

Sometimes you just do what you gotta do, mess or not. -- BJ

The power to believe in yourself, is the power to change fate.

You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -- Plato

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. -- Matthew 7:1-5