Musings and meditations on my journey to building a family

Waiting, and Getting Through the Day

I was able to make it through a day at work without bursting into tears. I honestly thought that I had spent them all in the past two days. However, when I began walking to my car at the end of the day, tears started streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably. I did my best to suppress the real crying on the drive home until I got through my front door.

Today it’s the addition of incredible physical pain to the already incredible emotional pain that I’m having a hard time dealing with. The cramps are debilitating even when I’m just sitting, and I’m so bloated that I look 16 weeks pregnant at least. Still no blood. Not even a drop.

I’ve been reading a bit about medically induced miscarriages and how painful they can be, and I’m wondering if letting it happen naturally will be less painful. It got to a point today that I called my doctor, but neither my regular doctor nor nurse was in, so I spoke with someone who seemed quite incompetent. I kept asking if what I was feeling was normal, and she said that it varies but to not take any ibuprofen “just in case” the baby was still alive. What?! I told her that I had been told I would definitely miscarry and that I was already taking 800 mgs of ibuprofen. You know how she responded? “What, are you asking for something stronger then?” She made me feel like a fucking drug seeker.

Honestly, yes, if the pain gets any worse than it already is, I will need something stronger, but I’m waiting until my regular nurse is back to ask so I’m treated like a patient who has spent thousands of dollars at their clinic as opposed to someone taking advantage of her situation to get pain killers. Give me a fucking break.

It seems that even medical professionals don’t know how to deal with these situations.

I just keep praying that this whole thing starts soon, because I’m not sure how long I can continue to have pregnancy symptoms while waiting for my body to rid itself of poor Sweet Pea.