Sailing

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Will I leave or stay ?

Dear …

I haven’t asked myself this question in years, when I have been offered to study in the states and stay with my aunt there…Even when I was thinking about my MBA that I haven’t yet started by the way, I knew it could be an option but deep inside I wasn’t serious.

Normally I don’t get used to new things and new life styles easily, the adaptation process for me takes a considerable while as compared to others.

But now that I have been faced by the question again … I really don’t know. I didn’t want to turn the offer without giving myself the time to think ALONE, so that whatever I decide I will be willing to take responsibility of its consequences.Then of course I will share it with my parents because they have to consent too but after I reach a conclusion.I need to clear my head and think, pray estekhara and may god guide me to what is best.

My life has been very stable and may be it’s the time to move, but I am afraid this time the offer is completely different and the changes that I will be experiencing are HUGE.

So the question is…. Do I have to, even if it’s not a desirable option for me.You know how it feels, it’s like you are standing on an edge thinking that you are safe although it’s not comfortable to just stand still waiting and you don’t know what you are waiting for, you start hearing voices telling you what to do, you start get confused and the fear levels are rising till you find not other way than to let go …And in this very moment, someone just came and save you and take you to a safer place that you could never been to by yourself.

I am a bit sad that I haven’t lived or experienced the kind of life I truely wished for, I am satisfied by the one that I have and I do thank god for it, but I will still pray to have it and may be it’s a way but I can’t see it or may be it’s not the time yet….