dimanche 20 avril 2014

Letter to Gina, with love!

Dear Gina,

This open letter has been a work in progress for some time.
Draft after draft, tossed out after each new revelation comes to light. I’m
going to tell you upfront that this letter is not an attack nor is it meant to
be anything short of…what do you say? “dealing in the truth”. Yes, you make
everyone believe, I hope you can too!

I’ve had the privilege of being intimately involved in the
life you work very hard to portray. The glitz, the glam, the fucking hair and
makeup alone deserve their own applause. The shoes, the dresses, the height on
that hair! The smell of that signature cheap perfume (that’ll be important
later so let’s move on) in the atmosphere that is so Gina.

Let’s start with barrister status. You’re a public defender.
Don’t deny it. You’ll never be the other Gina who you’ve shared a press article
with (she discusses winning cases, you discuss closed toed shoes). Bravo to you
for that little stunt! You have a law degree but I’ve spoken at length to
various individuals (all who volunteered to identify themselves if necessary)
and you’re still just a public defender who represents many of the sample
people who fight for you online. “I’ll pay your bail, can you use Twitter?” – Shocker.

Care to shed any light on that? Are your cases so high profile
that even the media cannot begin reporting? Doubtful, princess, doubtful
indeed.

Though on good authority from an invaluable source, you
definitely have represented that real estate mogul/lover of yours. Let’s move
on to that. You left him open for speculation almost instantly.

We’ll call him “Dave” (he has a business too, so I’ll be
fair). Well “Dave” has a past. I’m sure you know after all you were there for
much of it. “Dave” also runs a few powerful empires (did he bankroll your spot
on the show?). Well the day you magically flew off to FLAHRIDAH (that’s Florida
for anyone who can’t get over Gina’s dialect and if you’re a Gina fan then I
will clarify Florida is in the United States, I know it’s difficult to catch
on).

Back to that day, you did NOT go to Florida to see “Dave”
because you were upset. You had plans prior to filming to see “Dave” and go on
a little holiday. Silly, they must’ve edited that part out of the show for
ratings. FAIL. After all, a powerful man like “Dave” would definitely be
fucking anything that moves in Miami. We could ask around but why get
sidetracked?

So you trashed a cast mate for how many episodes about the
truth and “Dave” cheating? Nice work! You scored fans and ratings with a few
clever lies. Did you feel good about that? Shitting properly on the new girl to
the group? Your true colors (Google: LinkedIn Gina L, CEO) were evident to
anyone with a brain.

Onto brains, you are a brilliant legal mind! You roped in
Foxtel and everyone involved into a neat little contract where you get to
behave badly, feed your ego, literally ruin lives and then tell producers…WAIT
HERE IT COMES…

“I’m a barrister, edit that out or it will ruin my
career as a BARRISTER.”

I was on the other end of a call
the first time I heard that neat little trick. Isn’t that fun? You took
responsibility for hundreds of lives the day you forced your hand with that
contract. Cast members, staff, down to the person who runs to get coffee on
set. That’s cute; you just swooped in and made it your show. Care to deny it?

Oh the show itself, this little
franchise of horrors indeed. So you had some friends it seemed. They all
behaved badly (Thank you Foxtel/Arena for the editing job that is so poor if
you freeze frame and replay minutes of dialog at a time from multiple episodes
you can in fact get the real filming for most of the cast). Well you didn’t
like anyone who wasn’t interested in you. They aren’t interesting either day in
and day out so no loss.

The new girl was mean (no she
wasn’t…”Dave” is powerful and has money, sluts love that, so blame “Dave” not
the angel lady who sees shit). It’s not what defines her…….

Your ex-friend the skincare
queen, well she just loves her fucking self and is making a list right now. So
you decided she was the best bet to shit on. I know having a husband and father
of her three babies (wait where’s yours?) is upsetting for the mother of a few
men’s offspring (children are off limits according to you, so I’ll move on.)

By the way, Amazon sells a little
thing called a micro camera, you should’ve thought long and hard at who you
spent time with when we got that little bit of footage! (Bad Gina, talking
nonsense.)

Oh there’s the moron who married
money. That’s alright, Gina, she was your friend but you were a little boring
by episode 3 so you shit on her too, that was fun. I think she actually called
you family but we know that’s a lie because you barely knew her. Oh well she’s
probably getting her car repainted and flying in her husband’s plane. Stupid
“sex” fiend. I guess you hate that you lease your Benz and “Dave” sends you a
Qantas ticket when the local US whores get boring.

Your oldest on all front’s
friend, the diamond baron cougar, well she loved you a lot but she’s a bit old
and forgets and she forgot to back you up after a long day of filming, so you
had it with her. Wahoo to her, she’s free of you.

Am I off basis yet? You know the
recorded phone calls are fun too. Those may not be legal but people on set look
at you for a reason, Gina.

Who’s left? Oh yes. The syrupy
sweet catering queen. I like where you both bought, YES BOUGHT FOLLOWERS for
social media from the same damn company so you achieved 10k+ status
simultaneously. We’ve used the app, Gina we know you needed to look special and
be a winner at Ginaville so you helped out your only ally. Did you tell
everyone that you have dirt on your friend the queen of cake? It hardly seems
fair that her husband has to take the fall if she stops filming with you.
Applause for Gina!

So Foxtel, we can’t say much to you
but we could ask Gina, which employee on the daily is threatened with legal
action to get her way: from the President of the group to the poor bastard who
cleans up her fake tanner. It’s always someone else’s fault isn’t it? I’m
crying, hope my mascara stays.

Regarding these recorded calls
and videos. Did you know one of your cast mates is so paranoid that she had a
pinhole camera on her at the reunion? I hope you’re starting to feel a bit ugly
inside. You have a special way of deepening your voice when you’re being crude.
It must really be effective in court. Is it Gina?

As for that “C” word that everyone
goes on about. Let’s touch on that a bit. Is that okay, Gina? So you’d never
use the word (you have repeatedly), you think your friend Botox Boobs Betty is
a C, you didn’t apparently call the prostitute the big C, oops! You did call
her a hooker though, that was charming. You may have said something really
heinous about the ex party girl but she’s forgotten until the other cast
members grill her and she sings like a jail bird (did you like that?). If
you’re going to be crass, just own it. No one cares. You’ve got a “C” (well I
hope you do, your love of the drag queens is precious) and you never fail to
mention your obsession with the hooker’s “VAGINA” but that’s probably all
editing too. Am I off base yet?

I really liked you at first. I
shook your hand and thought this is the epitome of what this show will
represent. How right I am. Representing criminals, “C”s, fake tanner (you use
the beds too), and barely credible storylines, hundreds of crude ruthless fans
who have resorted to physical violence for their queen and of course
representing the true you.

Will the real Gina please come
forward and believe her own bullshit for a minute? Will the real Gina please
ask her followers and criminal cohorts to stop threatening cast members (oh
it’s recorded princess, you fucked up BADLY) and fans of other “teams”?

Will the real Gina stop fucking
SMOKING CIGARETTES ON SET then filming a whole episode and discussing your
illness? Shame, Shame, its Gina’s game. You smoke and spray yourself down with
that rancid perfume to hide it. There’s a 35% chance you forgot about perfume
comment from earlier, well it’s back!

Gina, will you please just accept
that your ego and eyeliner have corrupted your brain?

Just know we’re watching, we’ve
seen all of these silly ladies but we’re watching you because you like that.
You love the attention. You needed to feel special and you bought fans, shit on
“friends” and got fucked over by the real estate mogul just to feel good.

Love Always,

Your Biggest Fan

PS: I still love you, I just
really wanted to see YOU not this nonsense on air. What a shame, you’re just
not that special without your sideshow!

2 commentaires:

I feel as though Lydia is too stupid to do this on her own. Have you seen her Linkedin? She studied at Presentation "Collage" Windsor. If you can't spell College on your own, you've received help with writing this blog post. I also found humour in her inability to use upper and lower case. Looks like her linkedin won't lead her to any job possibilities.