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The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

Posted 20 May 2013 - 09:00 PM

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I came across this article, and figured it would be a fun one to share.

Some of the characters include:

Quote

The Hipster Hacker from Hell. We really need to rewrite all of our software in Haskell because then our code will be beautiful. Never mind the costs! Did I say Haskell? Haskell was so last year. I mean Clojure because it will be simple! Bugs? Features? I have no time for such trivial matters. I have a whole new architecture to write in Ceylon!

The Holy Priest. This person revels in technology for its own sake and has no patience for the hapless techno weenies who don't spend their days chanting arcane invocations using terms like "regex," "SOAP," "asynchronous messaging," "n-tier architecture," and "CORBA." Holy Priests recognize opinions as valid only if they come from fellow clerics, and they express contempt for "lusers" at every opportunity. They may be brilliant coders, but keep them locked in the closet, far away from customers.

What other types of programmers have you all encountered in the workplace?

Here is one I've encountered:

The Rod Stewart- With this guy, your project is staying Forever Young. He preaches delusions of grandeur; and when all is said and done, the project hasn't budged hardly an inch. Sometimes, if you're lucky, the project may grow younger. It's a shame we don't all grow younger too.

Replies To: The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

Re: The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

I've ran into the "process guru"'s earthly avatar. So much anger towards that individual.. and not a damn thing I could do since this person worked into a pseudo-boss level above me.

A few others - not mentioned:
- the Forever Noob
-- no matter how long their resume, or how long in the industry they don't seem to be able to code but keep getting jobs to get by.
- Wally's World
-- A programmer who operates, through purpose or accident, in Wally's world where they leave no impression, do no work, do not provide clutch solutions, but just consume coffee leaving no trace of them for any need of accountability.

Re: The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

Posted 20 May 2013 - 09:16 PM

They forgot one!

The Crazed Feminist - This gal has tackled more than her fair share of sexism in the workplace and has the bitter cynicism to prove it. She is primed and ready for battle at the slightest mention of sandwich making and is certain to tear a new asshole into anyone who dares suggest that women are lesser beings in the IT sector. One mention of tasks - domestic or professional - as "womens work" and you're likely to wake up three days later, tied to a table with your balls in a vice. Approach with caution.

Re: The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

Posted 20 May 2013 - 11:18 PM

It's not in the workplace, but in an academic setting, The know-it-all. He never listens, he just spews rhetoric to sound smart with the minimum of effort. He offers the most non-constructive criticism he can, and can't resist the good feeling that comes with thinking that he knows everything and is infallible. Even when faced with a calm, reasonable dissenting opinion, he tends to get irate or behave passive-aggressively. It's their way or the highway.

Met a guy like that in a coding competition at my University. In my opinion, nothing's worse in many ways. They're simply impossible to work with. I wish those people the best though, truly I do. They clearly have some real emotional issues and could well be perfectly decent coders if they just toned down their ego a bit.

Re: The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

Posted 21 May 2013 - 08:24 AM

For about 2 years I had to deal with a Forever Noob constantly. Claimed he had programmed so many advanced systems and even had tons of source code from his previous job, but when asked to write a program to output text from a regular text file, in his native language of course, he couldn't do it.

Re: The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

Posted 21 May 2013 - 08:28 AM

trevster344, on 21 May 2013 - 11:24 AM, said:

For about 2 years I had to deal with a Forever Noob constantly. Claimed he had programmed so many advanced systems and even had tons of source code from his previous job, but when asked to write a program to output text from a regular text file, in his native language of course, he couldn't do it.

this is quite possible if you never use that-----

i can do all kinds of stuff mixing xml, sql, vb.net, html, javascript, and pdf but probably couldnt do the above because I have never done it nor have ever had to do it.

Re: The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

Posted 21 May 2013 - 08:33 AM

DarenR, on 21 May 2013 - 09:28 AM, said:

trevster344, on 21 May 2013 - 11:24 AM, said:

For about 2 years I had to deal with a Forever Noob constantly. Claimed he had programmed so many advanced systems and even had tons of source code from his previous job, but when asked to write a program to output text from a regular text file, in his native language of course, he couldn't do it.

this is quite possible if you never use that-----

i can do all kinds of stuff mixing xml, sql, vb.net, html, javascript, and pdf but probably couldnt do the above because I have never done it nor have ever had to do it.

that is what google is for-----

It's not utterly complex in any way that's for sure. You at least google.. he would just do everything possible not to have it brought up and managed to keep his job for a few years.

Re: The 14 Characters You Meet as a Coder

Posted 21 May 2013 - 08:45 AM

Another is the 'Flower Under Glass'. Typically this is a high school/college persona that transitions into a business analyst or project management role after school. This would be a cute, quirky, and semi geek-chic girl who has a flock of drooling and attentive nerds hovering around her in a protective bubble. They are doing her homework, packing her group projects, and generally doing the hand holding through her studies until graduation. With the high GPA, a flirty personality, and the required trendy-geek apparel she lands a job and a new herd of nerds who will try and smooth the rough edges of It for her.

It's debatable if this persona is on purpose, or just engrained fuzz after years of nerds trying to protect her from the harsh hell-scape that is computers.

"Er mah gerb! Nice-pretty girl in IT! Must do as much as possible to keep her here! Must protect her from hard thinking, hard working, or difficult concepts!".