Thursday, May 04, 2006

Playing It Safe

Every thing will end soon, like all love will.

At least in here, I'd be safe.

-Nerisa Del Carmen Guevara

And I would try and walk far enough away

that people would not assume I was with him.

-Neil Gaiman

So many questions have been left unanswered already. You know how the fear creeps in little by little? It started at the base of my spine, until it reached my nape where I suddenly realized that I couldn't move.

Paralyzed.

How I dreaded this state.

Haven't I've been battling emotional atrophy since the last couple of years?

And now here I'm back again.

I want to take a step backward.

Regain my footing again.

Before the floor that I'm stepping upon crumbles completely and I find myself wading again in a space so constricting that breathing will be specially hard to do.

I want to go back while there is time. Where I can still regain myself.

This uncertainty is pending doom. I fear hearing the truth. The dreaded three words when I ask you what am I to you, and you will shrug and say, "Hindi ko alam."

Our moments just keep on piling up and I've nowhere to put them.

I have no claim on you. Nor you on me.

You can just simply walk away if and when you want to.

And while there is still time for me, I might as well start backing away.