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I saw the new swimsuit issue yesterday and it gave me an erection. Okay, it was only three inches long, but still it felt really, really, good.

I like walking around on the beach with all of the ladies. My face is right there at crotch level, and no one ever says anything about me staring.

I've learned to tell just by looking which ones are shaved and which ones aren't.

I like it when I'm in a crowded line at a beach bar or beach snack shack. I can generally get in a lick or two on some nice ass or crotch, and no one ever sees me. If the ladies can tell, they are too embarrassed to slap a dwarf..

That part of it is cool, but I really, really, really want to get laid by a swimsuit model.