“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” -John F. Kennedy

Reflecting on that this morning, as it relates to this blog. I have certainly put a lot of effort into writing my HG story, editing it and re-editing it. obsessing over it (you will learn that I have a very obsessive personality, that I have to constantly keep in check- and I believe it is a big obstacle to my healing). It took a lot of courage to put the words onto screen and allow them to be shared. So far I have only shared them with a community that I know will be encouraging, But I eventually want to share it with everyone.

To what purpose? I touched on the subject yesterday. I write for my healing. I write to document my healing and my journey, so I can have a written account of where I’ve been and where I’m going. Direction.

But yesterday, this blog took on a life of its own. It received over 200 hits. I received a lot of feedback and words of encouragement. Others linked to it on their blogs. I read every comment. More precisely, I poured over every single comment. I repeated them, I memorized them. See? obsessive. I prayed for those who are on this path with me, I felt their prayers for me. I think we should walk together.

This blog is bigger than me. This issue is bigger than me. It is as Knocked Up- Knocked Over says: it’s a way to harness all this energy. And there is most definitely energy surrounding it.

I have reflected on it, and I don’t want to just write for me. I do want to write for others that’s the point of making it public, I guess. I want to spark discussion. I want to be a resource (if I can be) and I want to help myself and others along the way.

Well, now I have defined my purpose a little more. I need to figure out the direction, not an easy task, as I feel completely lost in generally right now.

The things I am pondering:

1. Do I respond to the comments? I do think the blog should be interactive. A coming together of community. But will it be too taxing on me? I don’t know how much of myself I have to give right now. Know, that even if I don’t respond, each comment is supremely precious to me.

2. What will my posts be about? They can’t just be about sadness, and they can’t just be about my day-to-day life either. Right now, I think they will be about the exact efforts I am taking to heal, and the things that I do for preparation for another pregnancy ( we are not trying for another pregnancy but I don’t want to ever be surprised without a plan again) and the different resources and research I come across.

3. How do I reach women who are suffering at this moment, both in the midst of HG or Post HG? Or contemplating a termination? What would I even say to them? I have tried to reach out to a few people in my local community. I am going to call a pregnancy crisis center today and make that contact for myself and others.

I still have a copy of Ashli’s book, Beyond Morning Sickness. I want to give it to my uneducated midwife, or the uneducated Nurse at the ER hospital. I want to give it to the OB/GYN I decide to use in the future. But I also want it to reach as many people as possible so that others can become educated and in turn Doctors will offer better medical care and women and friends of HG patients will know how to advocate for better medical care. Perhaps I will begin to drive to local hospitals passing out information from the HER website. I’ll let you know how that is received.

4. And lastly, can I combine some of my other hobbies and talents to give back to the HG community, to women who have lost? Can I effectuate healing in others, will it in turn effectuate healing in me? (I think I have a beautiful memorial token that I can create- further information in a future upcoming post- just trying to work out the details and the logistics)

Well today is therapy day, always a little rough. I will post on how it goes. What we discuss and any suggestions she has for me. For anyone in the South Florida area, I have a wonderful therapist who deals specifically with pregnancy loss.

3 Responses to Direction

Responding to every comment will quickly become taxing, Once you start getting over 5-10 per post, it will be impossible. The commenters will likely respond to your responses, and just keeping up with a single post’s comment could consume all your free time.

It’s best to let the commenters mostly interact with each other. You can decide to respond to the one or two most substantive comments each post, or budget a fixed amount of time (15 minutes) to respond to as many as you can.

2. What will my posts be about?

Whenever you run out of topics, look to other blogs on HG, link to a post and provide a brief commentary. You can also run the word “hyperemesis” or a related term through a Google News Search or Google Blog Search for ideas.

Aw, you’re much better than I am. My “Dark Night” blog did not allow comments. Some people are mean, you know, and I just could not rent that space in my head. Not in my dark corner where the night spilled out. When BMS was on CNN we got some comments that would flip your wig. Some of them even from fellow HG sufferers. Most comments are positive. But some are hollow-positive (invalidate the preciousness of the life that was lost), and in a way, those are negative too. I don’t know. I never appreciated positive for positive’s sake. It always has to ring true for me or it isn’t able to bore its way into my gut where I need it. I’m not a platitudes gal, no matter how happy I’d prefer to be. I’m funny that way; I lack that “myelin sheath” I guess. It’s why, on the dark but very real blog, I emoted all over the place. I didn’t even try for a balanced algorithm. My life was not balanced. The HG-related loss of my child via second trimester abortion was not balanced. It threw me all over the place. It was quite an education. This is all to say that I am encouraged to see how together you are in your thoughts re: your post. I know that in spite of the awful process you’re going through you’re going to make it. Put a lot of thought in your blog. Or don’t. Don’t be anything for anyone but you. This is your time to experience what you are going through. Feel it, go through it, howl at the moon, emerge on the other side. Make no apologies.

Dear Writer of This Blog,
It’s great to know that there are women out there who understand what I went through. My story is not exactly similar to yours, but I am also dealing with the grief of having an abortion because of HG. I hope you and I can get through this. Your blog helps me deal with the emotional burden of my decision.

Ashli I e-mailed you through your website because I read your book and wanted to share my story with you. I hope you received it.