“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” Mark Twain

I woke up feeling paralyzed with fear. After dragging myself to the kitchen for a glass of water I returned to bed. It was Sunday morning and I had nowhere to be.

I sat there trying to clear my head. The book Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff lay beside me on the table. I looked away.

Sunshine through the curtains caught my eye and a lump rose in my throat.

I lost track of time, but eventually picked up the book and read 10 pages before putting it down. Fear burned in my core. I couldn’t concentrate. Sliding back down into bed I clutched a pillow and cried. They were empty tears.

What was I going to do? A year and a half after a job layoff here I sat, in the infant stages of business development, and in the middle of a worldwide financial crisis.

My savings were supposed to have lasted for two years after government assistance ceased. The decision to not take a part time job for the first year was a risk, but I was determined to give myself that time to focus.

During the last month my mutual funds had dropped $7,000. They had been dropping for months but not enough for concern. But, the last statement had ignited fire in the pit of my stomach. My calculator predicted that in another six months the money could be gone if the trend continued. I had a year less than planned and had to switch gears, fast!

It could be that sometimes your life needs a taste of drastic in order for you to get your act together.

I’d always been able to fall back on proofreading as an additional income stream but so far those contacts had fallen through. Messages were not returned. Replies that were received weren’t encouraging. I was making an effort but not getting results. I had to break the pattern of fear that was blocking things.

I love the above photo. It illustrates my feelings perfectly. I was shrouded in darkness and felt that there was no where to turn. The path was narrow and constricting and I felt trapped. There is a learning curve in all fearful states. But unless a person keeps moving they will never know what is around the next bend.

Bringing The Law Of Attraction Into Focus

After spending an evening working intently with the principles of the Law of Attraction, I received a message from a business associate the next day, asking me to help her out with a project. Faith was rekindled, but only briefly. I wasn’t trusting the process and my imagination had me on a dark, narrow road.

Positive thinking is a principle in the Law of Attraction. Days before this, I had made a list of things that made me feel happy and that I could appreciate; taking a long bath, reading, walking in nature and journalling.

This morning I had little hope these activities would help. Truth was, I didn’t want to do any of them.

I stayed in bed for another hour, turning away from the sunshine just outside my window. Then, after a deep breath, I was on my feet, running a bath. I still felt numb, but decided to have that bath and not expect it to help. Removing expectation made it easier.

I lingered in the bath. Things were still a bit foggy. It was lunch time. I had not eaten yet and all I wanted was oatmeal and coffee. Easy.

It was still sunny out and I decided to go for a walk. It was during this walk that I came alive! The fresh air, the sunshine and the connections I made through smiles from strangers along the way gave me the motivation to keep going. I walked away from the fear. This walk usually takes an hour but on this day it felt timeless. I was myself again by the time I returned home.

Inspired, I continued working on goals without fear clouding my vision. I sat down and ask myself, “What am I afraid of asking for because I don’t believe it’s possible?” I told myself to dream big.

Within a half hour I had completed a mind map. My vision resonated strongly.

Inspired action is another principle of the Law of Attraction. The test is to be able to hold this focus despite the ups and downs in the outer world. This makes it unconditional and free of attachment to outcome.

My path was clear again. I still had decisions to make and things were not certain, but I had my faith back. These are the steps I took:

I held my faith by practicing positive thinking and appreciation. I reaffirmed my intent and didn’t become attached to the outcome. This naturally allowed the space for inspired action that fed the cycle even further.

In Richard Carlson’s book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, he says “To combat fear, the best strategy is to learn to bring your attention back to the present.” That is easier said than done in some cases. My recommendation is that when you feel paralyzed by fear, take some action.

By practicing the things you know bring satisfaction and comfort, you will inadvertently bring your attention to the present. Don’t focus on the outcome even if these things feel hopeless. Do them anyway! If one doesn’t work don’t give up. Do another. Just keep moving. Stay in one place and the fear will hold you there.

Most importantly, by reconnecting through the foundation that supports and builds your trust despite the fear, you won’t be stuck in that perpetual cycle of being afraid of fear itself.

* * * * * * * *

Stay tuned for my next post Step Out Of Crisis And Into Power where this process is discussed in even greater detail. See you next Thursday.

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It was a beautiful day. The sun was poised in the western sky at that point right before sinking towards sunset; that brief and silent pause before changing direction.

Stepping in rhythm to the song on my mp3 player, I set the pace for another good power walk.

Five minutes later I was rudely cut off by a driver who was either in a bad mood or who simply refused to give pedestrians the right of way. I swore under my breath and scowled at him. This got me to thinking about other situations and people I’d come across that annoyed me.

I walked and wandered further, reflecting on this intrusion into my thoughts. I wandered past remembering these times to remembering how my reaction whether expressed or not, had bothered me.

I had regretted allowing myself to be caught off guard; for not “walking my talk”.

More walking. I remembered how after letting go of judgment and of what had annoyed me, I was able to see how differently the situation could have been handled.

I reminded myself that my path would most likely come across more idiots and obstacles. By expecting them I would be less likely to react.

With this, I felt less vulnerable. The power walk was back on.

I’ve always believed in the power of positive thinking. But isn’t it true that dwelling only on the positive doesn’t necessarily mean your life will always be rosy? Life happens and we never know why some experiences come across our paths. Some things can’t be controlled, but attitude certainly can be.

Wearing rose-coloured glasses doesn’t help anyone. Through meditation, I’ve focused on the positive and tried to ignore the negative. But the fact remains that it is there in many different forms and you can’t walk away from it.

When you simply notice negativity, in yourself and in others, you are not inviting it in. By noticing it and not judging it, you put yourself in the position to shift its path and let it go.

Noticing doesn’t mean you have to accept or put up with the situation. But, it can give you a moment to make up your mind how and if you will handle it.

Noticing keeps you flexible. It gives life a chance to flow as it needs to.

It takes practice though. But don’t worry…

There will be traffic delays.
You may be put on hold for too many minutes.
Sometimes you’ll wait in long lines.
People make mistakes.
You might miss the bus.

Just a few examples.

Is there a particular situation where you remember not having responded the way you would have liked to?

This is a video of myself doing a presentation on my day of graduation from a self-employment course.

(It’s 2.5 minutes long. You can save time if you start the video and hit pause so it can download while you read.)

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” What this means is that a good portion of human communication takes place non-verbally. It’s not only about the words, but how you deliver them.

I am not an experienced public speaker. During the few times I have given a speech nothing influenced me more than the good mental attitude that came from being well prepared.

My first speech was at Toastmasters; The Icebreaker. I practiced until I had it memorized, pacing around my apartment in circles reading the speech out loud and timing myself. The icebreaker had to run between 4 to 6 minutes. I was a nervous wreck the entire day leading up to that moment. It was hellish!

I had a plan though!

Even though I had memorized the speech I brought two copies of it to the podium. I stood in front of the audience, my heart pounding in my throat. I looked down at the piece of paper I was holding and started reading.

Then I stopped, looked at the audience, waited and then said, “Oh what’s the use. I can’t do this!” I crumpled up the speech and tossed it over my shoulder. They looked stunned and I was extremely pleased. That impact helped me take the focus off myself and focus on the audience and their response.

My evaluation was positive: sincere, good gestures and pacing, excellent opening. One suggestion for improvement was to vary the tone of my voice. Hard to do when you’re choking on your own breath! I did appreciate their support. They wanted me to succeed and that made a difference.

In this video, again I was so nervous I could hardly breathe. What amazes me is that I didn’t look too nervous. I’d imagined I looked like an idiot, but when I watch the video I don’t think I did as bad as I thought I had.

First, a bit of background. In 2003 I was diagnosed with a gluten allergy, a condition similar to celiac disease.

In my case there was no damage to the intestinal wall, but the absorption of minerals had been affected. A bone density scan at age 40 showed that I had the bone density of a 60-year-old. After two years on the gluten-free diet, a follow-up bone density scan revealed an increase of 11%.

I decided to start a nutrition consulting business combining my credentials as a nutritionist and experience with the gluten-free diet. And so, GlutenfreeMe was born.

I also completed training as a life coach with the Coaches Training Institute because I wanted to offer coaching to support my clients with their new diets. The nutrition business was not successful. My business focus transitioned from consulting to coaching when I saw how powerful this process was.

This is the second half of the presentation. For the opening I playfully showed the audience the difference between how big my belly was before going gluten free and how flat it looked that day. This was not part of the planned speech but turned out to be a powerful ad lib. Again, it was an opening with an impact that helped me ease into the speech.

I don’t know how I managed to speak. I could hardly breathe and this is obvious by the lack of variation in vocal tone. My throat was dry and I was shaking. You will hear me say that I was shaking so much that I didn’t have to plug the blender in. All I had to do was hold it. Another successful ad lib. A good sense of humour is my saving grace.

I learned from both speeches that being well prepared supported me the most. I knew the topic well and had rehearsed.

Because I was well connected with the speech I could go with the flow and ad lib. It was easier to be spontaneous and natural. Knowing I was well prepared gave me more self confidence than if I was unsure of what to say or do.

Both speeches had a lot in common.

I was well prepared with a good opening and closing. I used humour, ad libbed, made good use of props and scanned the room to make eye contact.

Even though I had memorized and rehearsed the speech, I had notes nearby.

My vocal tone still needs work, but what I find interesting is that despite feeling paralyzed with fear, I managed good posture and use of gestures. This is the result of being well prepared, so well prepared that the speech became more a part of me than the fear.

The audience was rooting for me; they weren’t strangers. A suggestion in the Toastmasters Member Kit is to know your audience. Plan to be there early to greet the guests as they arrive. It is much easier than speaking to complete strangers.

And on that note, don’t be a stranger. Watch this short video and take your moment in the comment section below.

Tell me about your time in the spotlight or share about a time you faced your fear.

Do tell! Don’t be shy.

If this is your first time visiting Loving Pulse and you enjoyed the reading, don’t forget to subscribe to the feed so you don’t miss upcoming posts. Click on Subscribe to Feed on the home page and follow the prompts.

I’m excited to continue with the second part of our interview with Akemi. Thanks for joining us again!

For anyone who has not read Part 1 please check it out. The topics were intuition, the ego and spirit guides.

Today Akemi will be talking about déjà vu moments, light bodies, dreaming and out of body experiences. Ok, let’s get started then….

1. Akemi, I’ve had many déjà vu experiences where I’ve been doing or saying something that I felt I’d done before. What is happening when a person experiences this? Is it a memory from a recent dream or perhaps a soul confirmation that they are connecting with “part of the plan”?

This is a very interesting question. I do think some of our déjà vu experiences and sticky dreams (the kind of dreams that you remember to be so real) have something to do with our soul memory.

Davina: So, you are saying we could possibly be connecting with part of a preconceived plan that we made before incarnating?

Akemi: Maybe. Or maybe we did or said something very similar in our past lives. Can you share an example with us, Davina?

Davina: Nothing specific comes to mind. But generally it happens when I’m having a conversation with someone and suddenly I feel like I’ve been with this person before. We were doing the exact same thing, sitting in the exact same room, even wearing the same clothes. A lot of information flashes at me in a split second. It’s like we’re acting out a rehearsed scene.

2. You’ve mentioned that we are moving into a new style of existence called “light bodies.” What does this mean?

This is something I’m hoping to happen in year 2012. Just joking. It would be nice if it were that easy (if we could become light bodies just waiting for another several years), but I guess it takes more spiritual work for each of us to achieve such high level of existence.

It is a fact, however, that we are evolving fast spiritually these days. This is why so many people are seeking help like mine to get past the existing roadblocks in their growth. And many of us sense that spiritual growth will lead to a new style of “physical” existence as well.

Currently we have this physical body, which is very dense and heavy. I’m only 112 lbs so I’m not “heavy” but still, for my soul, this body feels small to fit in and cumbersome to carry around. I heard that we are evolving and ascending to a less dense existence called a light body. It is probably similar to our astral body, but because I haven’t achieved this yet, I don’t know what it is like. It’s something I look forward to in my own spiritual development.

Davina: Hmmm. Ok, this makes me wonder if this does come to pass, (says my other self as I go completely out on a limb here), what use will our bodies be then? I mean, we won’t need our bodies then? Will we need food? How important will the environment be in that case? I don’t even begin to expect an answer to THAT one! But if you do have a comment I’d love to hear it.

Akemi: Oh, I think it will be fun! I imagine I can move so much faster as a light body (I’d fly, or move even faster than flying!!). Food? Why bother? I wonder how long a light body would “live”. Now remember, I don’t claim to know this – I just think this may be a possibility, and I resonate a lot with the idea.

3. Can you say more about why this is happening or what this means by saying that spiritually we are evolving quickly these days?

I think it is pretty obvious that we are accelerating our spiritual evolution these days. Just look at the increased interest in spirituality or “paranormal” phenomena! (I think the term “paranormal” is discriminative because it comes with the preconceived idea of what normal is.)

A few years ago I might have been sent to a mental institution if I said I could see or hear what others can’t. Now there are universities that teach spirituality (not religions) and metaphysics. Many doctors are embracing the idea of medical intuitives or reincarnation, and “ordinary” people are practicing meditation and experimenting with the law of attraction. Pretty cool.

4. Life has become fast-paced and circumstances can change in an instant. Would a person be wise to reconsider an intuitive decision based on this?

Davina, intuitive messages are not like the 10 Commandments carved on a stone. (Davina blushes.) Spirit guides don’t get upset just because we fail to follow their advice and they don’t punish us for not following through. They are helpers. Yes, they have higher perspectives than we do and therefore are incredibly helpful, but they also respect our initiative. We are the players in this world and we hired our own spirit guides who can help us.

Any decision, made by intuition or logics, is best served when it is updated as we go along. Now the good news of intuitive decision making is it’s the fastest of all. It’s so useful in this fast-paced society!

I’m confident that, as the world becomes increasingly accelerated, more people will find intuitive decision making to be useful and valuable. The time when we can sit back with logic and “proven” facts or methods is ending.

5. I dream quite frequently and sometimes they are very vivid dreams. Once I dreamed I’d won the lottery. I woke up and the dream had been so real that I was laying there planning what I was going to do with the money. When I finally “came to my senses” you can imagine how disappointed I was.

What role do dreams play in our lives? Why can they often be so unrealistic, yet feel so real? And what is the difference between dreaming and lucid dreaming?

Oh, I’m so sorry to hear you missed the lottery 😉 What were the things you wanted to do with the money? If I were you, I’d still put them up in my vision board for the law of attraction. . .

There are many kinds of dreams. Some dreams are just our mind re-processing what it experienced. The experience may be real or something you saw in a movie or in a book, and it may be a recent or old experience, or a combination.

Some people “work” through their dreams. They have many dreams but the dreams don’t make sense to them. It’s a way their soul is helping other souls, and my advice for this kind of dreamer is “Don’t over-analyze your dreams.” (Davina sighs with relief.)

Some go to the wrong side of the dream world either by accident or by negative energy interference. This is really harmful – the person ends up having some kind of sleep problems such as nightmares (the negative side of the dream world is a very ugly place), insomnia (because the mind is so afraid of going there again), night terrors in children, or dreamless sleep (because the mind dismisses the horrible dreams immediately at waking up). It is one of the energetic issues I clear with my Akashic Record Readings.

Then, there are dreams that are spiritual messages. They would feel special. It may be the soul memory of its past lives, or it may be premonitions.

Lucid dreaming is a situation where you are aware you are dreaming while you are dreaming. Because you know it’s a dream, you can choose to do things you can’t do in the “real” world. Some people seem to really enjoy this.

Davina: Wow, I had no idea there were so many different types of dreaming!

6. Ok Akemi, here is a personal story that I’m hoping you can shed some light on.

This happened to me many years ago during a meditation. I was lying down, feeling completely relaxed and listening to a meditation exercise on a cassette tape. Suddenly my feet started to feel heavy, numb and tingly. Like that feeling you get when you sit on your legs and they fall asleep. However, I wasn’t sitting, I was lying down.

This feeling quickly moved up my legs and I felt my body start to sit up effortlessly. I fought against this in fear. Then gently and in slow motion, my head “appeared to turn” and look at the bedside table. I know my head did not move physically; I was too paralyzed with fear to move! I know, I know… this sounds crazy, but it happened!

I saw on the table some greeting cards (that also were not there physically). While I looked at these cards they quivered slightly as if a light breeze was passing over them. I was totally freaked out!

This experience ended with me staring at the ceiling thinking I was losing my mind. It was the middle of the afternoon and I was not dreaming. Do you have any insights about what might have happened? Was this the beginning of an out-of-body experience?

Akemi: From your reading, I see that you are one of those lucky people with extra gifts for that kind of out-of-body or astral projection experience. Some people seem to enjoy this – you can travel to far off lands fast! Just don’t come to my bedroom to surprise me at night *smile*.

We have an astral body, which can look like our physical body but is far less dense. It is usually with the physical body, but it can move out from our physical body either by your intention or by accident, like it happened to you.

Davina: Thanks for this explanation Akemi, and don’t worry, I’m not planning on taking any astral trips (at least that I can be aware of) anytime soon. As intriguing an idea as this sounds, I’m not comfortable with it. Funny, I never enjoyed air travel either *smile*.

On that note everyone, I’d like to conclude our time with Akemi. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. It has been quite interesting and has certainly challenged my logical mind. I’m sure the ego is a little uncomfortable too, but I’ll be having a talk with him or her soon.

Akemi Gaines of Yes To Me has offered to share her knowledge about intuition, the ego, spirit guides, and the role they can or do play in our lives.

The synchronicity of how this interview came about is quite fitting to this topic.

I had been considering emailing Akemi to ask if she might like to be interviewed here on Loving Pulse. I had pondered this, battling with the ego, who told me that I probably couldn’t pull it off. I mean, Akemi had been interviewed a couple of months previously by Hunter Nuttall. I didn’t think we could add any more to that. Little did I know….

A day later I received an email from Akemi herself. She wondered if I would be interested in interviewing her. You can imagine my surprise… and delight. And so without further adieu, I’d like to open the floor to Akemi.

Welcome Akemi, and thanks for making this interview possible.

Akemi: My pleasure, Davina and readers!

1. I’d like to start off by first asking, how would you define intuition?

Intuition is the communication from our higher self, spirit guides, and beyond.

2. Is it true that all human beings have intuitive abilities? Do we sometimes lose our connection with them as we grow into adulthood?

Of course we all have intuitions! It’s more of a matter of whether you recognize the signals from the spiritual plane, and how well versed you are at understanding the signals. Some develop their intuitive skills further, and some ignore the messages or close up the connection because they are taught logics are superb.

Davina: I can imagine that as we grow into adulthood we can get caught up in logistics and fed false beliefs from our egos that cause us to block or lose touch with our intuition.

3. What type of signs or sensations would you suggest a person be aware of to recognize guidance from their intuition?

There are four major pathways where spiritual messages come through:

Immediate knowing (claircognizance);

Physical sensations (clairsentience);

Non-physical sounds (clairaudience); and,

Non-physical images (clairvoyance).

Each person has a unique skill level with each communication pathway. Many people are good at claircognizance or clairsentience (sometimes called gut feeling) but fail to recognize they are receiving spiritual messages.

Intuitive input may be subtle and come in a flash, but it is not confusing. Our spirit guides don’t play games such as giving us a hint and testing to see if we can figure it out, or manipulating us with anxiety-causing threats or guilt.

Davina: You know, sometimes I feel like they are playing games when I try to interpret some of my dreams. I’ve caught myself thinking, “Oh come on… in English puhlease! No more symbols!” I see that you speak to this a bit later in Part 2 when we discuss dreams so I won’t say anymore here.

Akemi: Ha ha… I know what you mean Davina. Let’s see if I can clarify this. I guess spirit guides don’t mean to play games, but they do have a slightly different frame of reference.

For example, “marriage” means long-term romantic relationship for them, and not necessarily the legal status. So if you ask them if you are getting married, you may get a positive vibe and months later, still find you’re legally single with a caring boyfriend.

What to say, they live on a spiritual plane! They also don’t seem to understand money very well, but they do understand we want or need certain stuffs. And as you point out, they love symbols. For them, symbols are more direct and accurate than language. So these kind of communication challenges do exist between us and our spirit guides. This is why we need to practice the communication.

Oh, and additionally, they are very respectful for our initiative. Sometimes, they give us just enough info so that we can start working on it. They don’t do the part of work that is justifiably ours. That is different from playing guessing games, but it may feel similar to some of us.

4. What can a person do to increase their intuitive abilities?

The first step is to clean up the mental clutter so that the gentle communication from the spiritual plane can be recognized. Meditation is a great way to do this. Many of my Akashic Record Reading clients report increased sensitivity to intuition as they clear their energetic blocks.

Davina: I can attest to that after having experienced an Akashic Record Reading with you Akemi. I’m feeling a greater ability to trust in what I cannot see. An analogy would be like a child who is learning to walk. After a while they don’t fear falling down anymore and walking comes naturally. Soon they are running and jumping.

Akemi: Exactly! Another analogy would be learning how to drive. In the beginning, you are so overwhelmed. You need to look around, check certain signs and signals, understand which sign means what, while you adjust the pressure on the gas or brake, and . . . OMG! But after awhile, it becomes second nature. And the prereq for driving is you have clear mind.

5. Akemi, I know some people do not resonate with the idea of meditation. Personally, I go through phases where I simply cannot, or do not want to sit for any length of time and meditate. This may indicate some resistance to tuning in, or it could be that sometimes we are just on another channel so to speak. Can you suggest other ways to practice listening to or for your intuitive voice?

Although sitting quietly is the standard form of meditation, it doesn’t always have to be that way. The objective is to calm our mind so that our soul has a chance to come forth. So any method to calm our mind is meditation.

For some people, walking along the quiet nature trail is a form of meditation. In both Christianity and Buddhism, there are forms of standing or walking meditations.

Sometimes, you also “accidentally” get into the meditative condition when you are relaxed and immersed in what you are doing, such as in the bath or while doing sports. Automatic writing is also very effective.

6. I suspect that intuition is never wrong, just your expectations or perception of the possible outcome is. What would you say to this?

Our ego’s fear and prejudice can certainly get in our way to appropriately understand intuitive knowing. The ego is very afraid of us connecting with our higher self and spirit guides because that would mean it can no longer be the tyrant it is for most of us.

But we need the thinking function to interpret the intuitive knowing, so it’s more about training the ego than killing the ego (which would be impossible). There is an art in appropriately understanding intuition as we discussed earlier.

7. What is the difference between our subconscious and our intuition?

In addition to our conscious mind, we have the subconscious and the superconscious mind. The conscious and the subconscious minds are attached to our physical body.

The superconscious on the other hand, transcends the physical body. At this time, I consider the superconscious to be the soul – which lives many lifetimes. Some people consider the superconscious as representing the collective consciousness; it transcends the individual consciousness. That is an interesting perspective too, and I contemplate what these two perspectives may mean.

Intuition is the communication from our higher self (which is another way to refer to the soul or the superconscious) and spirit guides. It is communicated to our subconscious and conscious minds.

8. When you receive a first instinct or gut reaction, would you say that it is your intuition at work? Would you necessarily act on your instinct? What about the old saying, look before you leap? Doesn’t that contradict this whole idea?

An “instinct” can mean either the immediate intuitive knowing or the ego’s fussy scream. With practice and experience, you can tell the difference. If I hear “Don’t take that road!”, I act on it right away – what negative result can come from this even if my intuition were wrong? Being a few minutes late because I took the back road? And what if it were right? Saving my life? Now that is a decision the conscious mind makes with the intuitive input. Other times, you may decide to “look before you leap”.

Davina: Aha, so sometimes the “instinct” can be the ego! This is tricky business. Up until now I thought that the ego came after an instinct as a judgment call.

9. When someone such as yourself works closely with your spirit guides, how do you stay grounded and present in your daily life?

This is a very important question for anyone who does a lot of spiritual work. We do have the tendency to be too up high in the ether and we definitely need to ground ourselves.

After I’m done with my work, I close my conscious connection to my spirit guides. My spirit guides are always with me and can contact me any time, but I close the door from my end with the understanding that they can open it as they see fit.

In addition, I strive to take time to do some grounding work such as exercising and cooking. I’ve heard gardening works well too, by literally touching the ground.

Davina: So, it sounds like you close the door so to speak, and go about your business, while keeping a listen in case they knock.

Davina: I think this is a good spot to take a break for today. So, Akemi if it’s ok with you and your guides *smile*, let’s close the door for now. We will continue on Monday with Part 2 where Akemi talks about déjà vu moments, light bodies, dreaming and out of body experiences. Wow!

I hope you will join us.

In the meantime, please ask Akemi any questions you might have or share your thoughts below. And, if you are new here and you don’t want to miss Part 2 please subscribe to the feed.