Some people believe in ghosts. Some people don't. It would seem like there is a pretty clear line that divides the group of believers from non-believers, but that's just not the case. According to story a Keira Knightley told Jay Leno Tuesday night, she once saw a ghost but still doesn't believe that they exist. Does that make any sense? Probably not to the rest of us, but to Knightley, well, it's as clear as day.
Here's what you missed last night on late night TV:
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Sally Field told Fallon about why she wanted to play Mary Todd Lincoln in Lincoln. "I've been waiting for Mary for a very long time as actors do, thinking, 'We're a mix. She belongs to me somehow,'" she said. "She was very much a flirt. She was an amazing woman. I don't even for a moment want to make fun of her. I feel very bonded with her."
Part 1
Part 2
Jimmy Kimmel LIVE!
Christina Applegate told Kimmel about a big change that is going on with her show, Up All Night, during its hiatus. "They are going to change us into a multi-cam show," she revealed. "What it means is we're going to have a [live] audience." She also talked about her 21-month-old daughter, Sadie, loving Christmas and Santa Claus. "We can hear her singing 'Jingle Bells' in her sleep, and singing 'Santa Claus Is Coming to Town' in her sleep," Applegate said. Applegate also presented Kimmel with a birthday gift. She gave him a fake candle and a pillow that she stole from the dressing room. How kind!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Late Show With David Letterman
Julianna Margulies chatted with Letterman about taking her husband on a surprise trip to Berlin. While they were there, her husband tried nine types of schnitzel at a restaurant, so Margulies was able to define exactly what a schnitzel is for Letterman. "There's different kinds because I had chicken schnitzel," she said. "It's like a sausage."
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
Keira Knightley shared a story with Jay Leno about working on the play The Children's Hour with Mad Men star Elisabeth Moss. "She did have to go on with food poisoning one night," Knightley said. "It was quite interesting when you're on stage with someone who is about to vomit, and you're kind of going, 'I don't know whether we're going to get through this scene.' Then she was having to run off and come back on again. That was all quite exciting." Knightley also shared her views on ghosts: "I don't believe in ghosts, but yes I have seen one." What's the logic behind this? "I was staying at this hotel in Los Angeles," she said. "[I] walked into the sitting room, I had just got out of the shower. [There] was a guy sitting on the sofa and he had a burgundy shirt on, black hair. And I thought. 'Oh, some guy has come into my room.' I said to him, 'You are in my room.' And he disappeared. I don't think I'd been drinking. It was early in the morning. I can't figure out what it was." A ghost, Knightley! You saw a ghost! She also played a song for Leno by flicking her teeth.
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Part 2
Conan
Community star Joel McHale has started his own production company. He plans to make "really bad" shows. "Because of The Soup, we run out of clips sometimes," he said. His solution? "Let's not wait for clips. Let's just get drunk girls in the house now and get clips of that." In fact, McHale believes that it's these type of people who lack talent that truly make good TV. "If you are talentless, but very confident, you're going to have great career," he said.
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: Paul Drinkwater/NBC]
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Shhh. Can you hear it? Can you hear that little whistle on the wind? Yes, that is the sound of souls being sucked out of bodies. That is the sound of weaves being tightened and Botox needles cascading from a red plastic container of biomedical waste into a dumpster. That is the sound of sleeves being slit up the center so that women can show off their perfectly toned shoulders. Yes, that can only mean one thing: the Real Pirouettes of Folderol Gulch have returned for their annual mating season. Well, not mating so much as socializing at bull***t parties, getting mad at each other, and airing their grievances for the world to see. With the churn and snap of gristle ratcheting into place, the female beasts of Beverly Hills get ready to graze once again.
As with all things, let us begin with their high priestess, who holds a virgin heart in her hands and raises it up to her pagan god, the blood rolling down her outstretched arms, not scarlet or crimson or maroon, but pink. Yes, that is Lisa Vanderpump and she has a new burnished granite cave to call her own. Did you see Lisa's freaking house? It's like the Fortress of Solitude but made out of white marble. She said she wanted something "smaller" but this thing is, wow. Alright, now we need to talk about her closet. People always go into a walk-in closet and jealously say, "Wow, this is as big as my whole apartment." Brandi goes into it and says, "Wow, this is as big as my whole apartment," and she is actually telling the truth. Her closet is immense and immaculately organized and then, it opens up into a secret beauty lair, where she does all her bloodletting, face tightening, and stem cell harvesting to keep herself looking spry and sprightly. If ever I was jealous of a person living in a pink and white hive of luxury, then this was the time.
Anyway, Brandi was over Lisa's house because they are now besties since no one else really likes them. They say they're really tight, but their relationship seems to consist of Brandi flirting with Lisa's husband Ken, the forgotten member of Cheap Trick, and Lisa laughing about it because she knows that a Playboy pinup like Brandi doesn't really have any interest in her husband's ripe gherkin getting anywhere close to her vagina hole.
After a turn at Lisa's house, it's Lisa's time to go visit Brandi at her Sad Ranch in the Valley, which she seems to have inherited from Kim Richards. Brandi's house sort of looks like what would happen if a trailer decided that it didn't want to move anymore, planted itself in the dirt and pushed up some lawn and shrubs all around it. It is not at all spectacular (unlike Brandi's bosom) but she is happy and content, so good for my girl Brandi. While the two are hanging out there, Kyle's adorable daughter Portia calls Lisa on the phone and says, "Lisa, dahhhling. Come to my birfday pawtee. It's at 1."
Yes, Portia is learning how to use a phone. Not how to dial and hold a headset like most people learn, she is learning to call her friends and talk only on speakerphone. That is how Real Housewives do it, after all. Because it's on speaker, Brandi overhears and says, "Hi, Kyle, it's Brandi!" Now, she wasn't quite looking for an invitation to the party, but she got one and she tells Kyle she would love to come. Brandi says, "Oh, yeah, me and Kyle are friends." and Kyle says, "I don't have any problem with Brandi," but you can see the truth right behind their eyes. It's like how the IRA feels about the Northern Irish. There's supposedly a cease fire, but the first person to take the name of the Virgin Mary in vain is going to get their face bloodied with a rotting potato.
Speaking of missing invitation and speaker phone, Taylor's lips, which are a separate symbiotic organism that lives on her face, disconnected themselves from her head and walked over to meet Adrienne, Queen of the Maloofs (a race of mole people that live under a mountain), and her husband Pozo the Chimp for dinner. "Hey girl," Taylor's lips say. "I'm not really eating tonight, because I left the mouth at home, but Taylor has gained 10 whole pounds and now she can't squeeze into any of her cocktail dresses. Will you take that bitch shopping, because if she shows up in one more pair of black harem pants that her skinny ass can't fill in so it looks like she's carting a dump around a party, then I am going to find some other head to latch onto, because I can't take it anymore? Oh, that and she needs something to wear to the Villa Blanca Anniversary Party on Wednesday."
"Oh, what Villa Blanca Anniversary Party on Wednesday? I haven't heard anything about that!" Queen Maloof says. Well, that is because Lisa did not invite her. Yes, Lisa and Adrienne are in a fight. That's not necessarily true. Adrienne decided that she is mad at Lisa. Why? Who the hell knows. A black and white reunion flashback told us it has something to do with selling a story to the tabloids. It really has nothing to do with anything. It's not like even one of those stupid Housewives fights like, "I was having a charity luncheon and you tried to 'clear the air' with X and then it just wasn't the time. You owe me an apology." No, it's not even that. It's just some stupid thing that Adrienne made up in her mind that she is angry with Lisa and isn't talking to her. That is why no one is on Adrienne's side, because she has nothing to be angry about. Adrienne is a Housewife. She can't even make up a fake reason that seems vaguely rational?
Once Adrienne knows about the party she says, "If Lisa's objective was to embarrass me, then she did it." Oh please, Adrienne. That wasn't her intent at all. She didn't even think that hard about it. She thought, "Should I invite Adrienne to my party? That bitch is mad at me. Nope!" and then licked her crystal-encrusted pencil and crossed her name off the list. It makes total sense. And if we're talking about embarrassment, how do you think Lisa feels when you falsely accused her of selling stories to a tabloid on national television? You think she feels all warm and fuzzy inside like she just masturbated and then ate a big bowl of soup and a brownie? No, she feels like shit. Lisa says she's ready to move on if Adrienne calls her with an apology. I think that seems fair, but this looks like it's headed for a big old confrontation.
Like a kid sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to rush down on Christmas Day and tear through all his presents at once, I just can't wait any more. It is now time to talk about Kim Richards. Oh, Kim, I've missed you so so much, and you did not at all disappoint last night. You are still my favorite. Kim is just 30 days out of rehab and she's already back on the Housewives treadmill, which means she's headed for a big old crash sometime in the near future. We see her going to her sister Kathy Hilton's house which is very exciting because this is the first time that any of the Hiltons have dared to bow down and be on this little reality enterprise with their less fortunate sisters. Kathy, who looks like she dressed as Candace Bergen for Halloween and never took off her outfit, is helping Kim's daughter Kimberly (which is the craziest normal name since Prince Michael Jackson II) find a prom dress. Kathy has all these dresses lined up and I can't tell if they are like her dress line or she just has a rack of dresses in her living room and everyone gets to try them on? Probably the later. Then Kathy asks Kimberly if she's gotten a boutineer and both Kimberlys in the room say, "What?" Then Original Recipe Kim says, "I got a boot and I can hear!" Oh, good one Kim. I would have gone with, "I've a booty and you are near," but maybe she doesn't want to talk about her younger daughter and booty right to everyone's face.
They're all sitting around and Kim tells us one of her stories that lets us inside her soul. "Kath, do you remember that prom I went to the prom with Dan? Remember him? He was one of the other Disney actors and neither of us went to a real high school so we didn't have a prom, but he got invited by a friend of his to go to his prom somewhere in Altadena and he asked me to go because he didn't really know any other girls. Well, I went to the wardrobe department and I was 17 and I told them that I wanted a dress that was beautiful and flowing and kind of sexy but not like too sexy, you know. We went through racks and racks and racks of clothing and it was so fun and I felt like a princess. It made me feel so special, all those dresses just for me and a cute boy who really seemed to like me. I got all dressed up and it was a long purple dress with some flowers by the bodice and we did my hair up all big and poofy, remember Kath? We had the whole makeup team at the house making me gorgeous and you and Kyle were so jealous that I was going to the prom with Dan.
"And then he pulls up, not in a limo or anything, but in a pickup truck, and it had a camper attached to the back! It wasn't like a Winnebago or anything, it was one of those pop up campers so it just looked like a flat bed and it was beige and had orange stripes around it and I was so scared of that camper. That camper had a bed in it and Mommy told me never to be around boys and beds because that means he's going to try to reach for my special treasure box, and I couldn't let just anyone open that box. Mommy said it could only be opened once by a really good boy who I really loved and that Danny wasn't the boy. So, I was scared of that camper and getting my dress dirty in the pickup truck, but we drove all the way out to Altadena and we had our prom at this place called the Aquaturf, which was crazy because there was no aqua and no turf. Hahahahaa.
"Anyway, we didn't really know anyone else there so we just talked to each other and laughed and tried to make new friends and they told us they'd seen us in the movies and on TV and people didn't know what to do with us. They wanted to be our friends, but they were scared, you know. After the prom most everyone went to this bonfire somewhere out in the woods, but Mommy said I had to be home so Danny and I left. But on the way, he pulled over at the movie theater down the street from our house and he pulled in the back of the parking lot, where the cars never go. 'I have something I have to show you. Wait here,' he said.
"He got out of the car and started to crank open that camper and I got really scared. I didn't want to go back there with him because he was gonna try to touch my treasure box and I didn't want him to, but he cranked that camper up and it was fully open and then he went in and was doing something in there and banging and making all these noises, and I was so nervous I thought about getting out of the car and calling Mommy to come get me, but just as I reached for the door, he was there on my side and opened the door and held my hand as I stepped down. He lead me into that camper and I was so nervous, I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
"But we got to the door and he opened it and there was a bed, but that's not what he wanted. Right there in the doorway was this little table that had like Formica on it but it looked like wood and on that cheap table was a big vase full of roses and two candles that were lit and two small champagne flutes. He poured us both some champagne and it made my throat feel warm as I drank it down and then I felt loose and I felt so special that he had done all that for me. We drank some more and we finished the bottle and I felt so great inside and we were laughing and talking and dreaming about the house we would buy together some day and start a family and my head felt all swimmy.
"That's when he leaned over and kissed me, and it felt so good. It was the first time. At 17 it was the first time that a boy had ever kissed me. I felt so loved and like we really connected and a little bit like I was going to fall over, but it felt so good. He stood me up and lead me over to the bed in the camper and I went with him. We kissed and kissed and I moved his hand under my dress and up my thigh and I thought, 'Why not? Why not let him into my, you know, treasure box,' but he said, 'No, Kim. That's not what I want. I just want to be with you and kiss you.' And we kissed for a long time and then we just lied there, with me tangled up in his arms, my hair getting messy on the bed. We fell asleep like that and woke up in the morning and I was so scared Mommy was going to kill me because we had been out all night. The candles were burned down and we packed the camper up and he drove me home and Mom was pissed. Even though I told her nothing happened, she didn't really believe me, but it was the greatest night of my life, that prom. Yeah, the best night of my life. I wonder where Dan is now?"
What a lovely story, Kim. Thanks for that. The only person who is in more love is the new Housewife Yolanda Foster, the only Yolanda I've ever seen on TV who didn't have a talk show in the '90s. We don't know much about Yolanda right now. She's a friend of Lisa and was married to Lisa's friend Mohammed, the one who dates living blow up dolls and throws elaborate parties for Lisa every year where there are elephants in the driveway and creepy screaming mermaids by the pool. She used to be a model and now she is married to composer David Foster. Oh, and she is Dutch, which means her kitchen has a Dutch Oven (that was as close to a fart joke as I could get today).
The one thing we know about Yolanda and David's marriage is that he writes her love notes every day. They go something like this:
"My Dearest Yolanda:
It has been five years since I first saw you sunbathing topless on St. Bart's and not a day goes by when I don't dedicate the boner I have when I wake up in the morning to the sight of your toned behind on the beach that day. You are my everything. You are my eggs in the morning and my After Eight Mints at night. You are the moon and the stars, but you're not famous like a real star, just like a reality star. You bring me tea with flowers and you put up with the rude way I treat all your friends even as I am undressing them with my eyes. I have an Oscar. Let's fuck, but then you have to leave me alone because I have to work.
Love, Your David
So, yes, Yolanda is at Lisa's party and meets everyone and Kim is a big fan of hers because Kim, like any addict, always cozies up to the new girl. Why? Because that is the girl she hasn't wronged yet! Yolanda loves Kim! The one fun thing we find out about her is that she and Kyle have the same birthday and I look at them and they are like Yin and Yang (and by Yin and Yang, I mean the cats my Chinese neighbor has). They are like two halves of one person, the light and the darkness. But which one will be witch (misspelling intentional).
Nothing much happens at the party except people are being weird about Brandi because, well, she pissed just about everyone off with her awesomeness. Kim and Kyle are also having a strained relationship, because duh. That's the funny thing about rehab. You think that if you fix one problem it will fix them all, but you have all those foundational instabilities from the years of drinking and mistreating each other and you can't just fix those by sobering up. It's going to take hard work. Kim, like always, says she wished things can go back to the way they were, but the one lesson in life Kim needs to learn is that you can't go back. You can't just find that warm spot in the bed once you get up. No, you need to lie back down and warm up another spot. That is how life works. You can't go back, you can only plow through the now to get to the soon. The soon will be better.
Everyone is having a boring time at the Villa Blanca Party and then suddenly, four people come walking in with something that looks like a sea monster washed up on the shore, died, spilled its organs out onto the beach, and the whole thing cooked in the sun for three days. "What the fuck is this thing?" Lisa says? Oh, there's a card. "Congrats on your party. Best of luck, HRH Adrienne of the Maloofs."
Yes, it was a flower arrangement, but these were a very rare and exotic breed of flowers called the Passivio Aggressivus. Apparently they grow orange and yellow and only prosper in giant piles of shit which, sadly, have to be delivered along with the flowers. They say, "I want to pretend like I'm giving you something nice, but really, eat shit."
This was the absolute worst thing ever to happen at a Real Housewives party, and I mean that seriously. Sure, Joanna Krupa got her face bashed in just last week on Housewives Miami, but this is even worse. These are spite flowers. And not just any spite flowers, they are ugly spite flowers. (Why would you send anything of color to a place called Villa Blanca? Huh?) So, Adrienne didn't make it to the party, but she made her presence known with a turd and a howl, as a dozen people had to carry in her turd blossoms. Ugh, this was just the worst. And everyone there made a grimace and shook their head in unison, like it was a new line dance like the Macarena or the Gangnam Style. What a sad, sad display for Queen Adrienne.
But at home, she sat on her throne and smiled into the hand mirror that she made her husband, Pollo the Chimp, hold in front of her face. "Oh, they're all going to love me now," she thought. "They're going to see those flowers and think, look at how Lisa has done Adrienne wrong. She should be there. She should be invited. Yes, those flowers will prove how great I am. Don't you see? Don't you see that my plan is finally coming together?" She threw her head back and laughed her hearty laugh and put her snub nose up in the air as the caverns under the mountain catapulted the sound back and forth, the echo rising up into a rumble that made the ground quake, that made the trees on top of the mountain tremble, but when the laugh was done, they settled back down, and the boughs seemed to droop lower than ever before.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
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When we look back, 2012 will be known as 1999. Or, rather, the year that brought us back to the 1990s. Not only were we privy to a Spice Girl reunion at London's Olympics and a slew of Old Navy ads that reminded us of the days when Blossom and Beverly Hills, 90210 were appointment television, but 2012 also brought 98 Degrees back together and revived a more advanced version of Skynet's human hypnosis tool, Furby.
But the nostalgia obsession continues — today, we go the chance to enjoy two doses of the 1990s. First, Old Navy wasted a major opportunity when they brought Backstreet Boys back (alright)... only to feature them singing "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" next to a runway. (Come on, guys: At least have them sing about how they want Performance Fleece that way. That's all we ask.) And, just four months after reuniting for a Funny or Die PSA (note to Netflix: I think they want back in), The West Wing cast has come together for real do-gooder purposes to encourage citizens to vote... especially for Michigan Supreme Court candidate Bridget Mary McCormack. The faces (which include Martin Sheen, Bradley Whitford, Richard Schiff, Janel Moloney, and more... but no Rob Lowe) won't be the only things in the ad that looks familiar — McCormack's name might as well. That's because she is, yes, West Wing alum Mary McCormack's sister, which might explain how the candidate managed to wrangle the entire cast together for a short spot.
Below, see the Backstreet Boys commercial and The West Wing ad, which, in true Aaron Sorkin fashion, transforms Allison Janney's C.J. into a clueless woman needing explanation from her more informed, more penis-y co-workers.
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Instead of spending this week thinking about my original predictions for the So You Think you Can Dance Season 9 final four (which was some combination of Amelia/Audrey/Matthew/Chehon, only one of whom made it remotely close to the top), I spent considerable time thinking about the Jedi mind tricks manufactured by Nigel at the end of last week’s episode.
Think about it. Why did he support Cyrus throughout the entirety of the season — the whole thing — and then choose the last three minutes of the final performance show to turn against him?
I have decided I know why: It was all a ploy. A ploy to get us all to pity Cyrus and vote for him. A ploy to make Cyrus the 2012 America’s Favorite (Male) Dancer.
I’m not complaining. I consider myself very jaded when it comes to these shows and very aware of Nigel’s various forms of manipulation—and even I felt bad for Cyrus. Even I fell for it. Even I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, Cyrus deserved to win. Me! Who has been complaining for the entirety of the last five weeks that he did not deserve to be here at all!
During last night’s finale, we found out whether the mind tricks worked.
But first. There was, of course, a two-hour performance finale featuring the entire top 20, plus Carly Rae Jepsen and assorted other random stars. We also welcomed back many of the guest judges that graced the panel this season, including Tyce Diorio, Adam Shankman and Jackson Avery’s mom from Grey’s Anatomy.
The night kicked off with a routine Nigel called “the best routine we’ve ever opened the show with.” Glad to see that Nigel &amp; Co. kept their gross exaggerations in check for the finale.
To some extent, it lived up to Nigel’s words. Like every other opening routine we’ve seen this season, it was dark and overwrought with emotion and everyone was wearing all black and the guys spent most of the two minutes tossing the flailing ladies around the stage. But I have to say, it was pretty cool in a Wuthering Heights kind of way.
Also, I kid you not: There was one portion of the routine where four or five of the immensely talented males leapt and jumped and twirled and all-around impressed, while Cyrus — seriously, I kid you not — kind of crouched at the top of the stage and crawled across it. But ignore me. I was on Team Cyrus this week. I keep forgetting.
You’re probably wondering how the producers planned to fill their allotted two hours of finale time. I shall tell you: Each of the six judges on the panel was tasked with naming his or her favorite routine of the season, which we would then be treated to seeing for a second time.
Nigel chose Matthew and Audrey’s chaise lounge routine (Nigel’s pronunciation of that phrase puts mine to shame — good thing I write and I don’t speak), inspired by Titanic and choreographed by Travis Wall. I enjoyed this routine — I really did. But it was just so literal in its inspiration. Still, at the beginning of this season — maybe as soon as I saw this exact number — I remember saying that I’d be shocked if these two weren’t in the finale.
Well. I’m not so shocked anymore. This is also why I don’t ever bet. I do stand by the fact, though, that these two were two of the most talented and graceful contemporary dancers of the season.
Up next, Lil C chose Twitch’s and Witney’s hip-hop routine for its “rhythmical versatility.” Ha. If that’s what you want to call it.
I actually liked this routine significantly more tonight than I did the first time I saw it. Probably because back when I first saw it, Witney was still in the running, a fact that infuriated me endlessly. I have to admit, she and Twitch were a surprisingly intriguing pair, but I stand by the fact that her hairography constitutes at least half of what the judges lovingly refer to as her appeal. Applegate’s with me on that one.
Debbie/Jackson’s mom finally got one of our top two ladies on the stage when she picked Tiffany’s and George’s “Turning Page” routine, choreographed by Sonya. This was such a perfect partnership — just like Audrey and Matthew, these two are such talented, mechanically-sound contemporary dancers. Both of them have such terrific extension, such clean lines … they just danced so well together. Poor George just couldn’t get any love from the voting public. At least one of them survived till the end, though.
We then took some time to look back at the five best moments from the audition tour — a.k.a. the sob-story dancers who weren’t good enough to make it onto the show, but whom the producers felt the need to pimp, regardless.
For No. 5, we took a look back at Leroy, who came from a rough neighborhood and channeled his energy into starting a dance troupe for kids. I remember liking this dude. He was a good dude. He wouldn’t have survived on this show, though.
Then again, I said the same thing about Cyrus. So there’s that.
For his reprise pick, Adam chose Cole’s and Lindsay’s paso doble, choreographed by Jason Gilkison and a number Nigel deemed one of SYTYCD’s best paso dobles ever.
I missed Lindsay! I missed Cole! Lindsay was so likeable, and Cole so, so deserved to be in the finale. He was so versatile and so endearing. I, like Nigel and Adam, loved this routine: It was so dark in a Disney movie-montage kind of way. This was also a great moment for Lindsay because it got her out of the cute-little-teenager rut. It was a very mature performance from her.
Next up, Tyce — shockingly! — chose a Broadway routine. His favorite was the Lovecats number, performed by Amelia and Will. In another example of just how bad I am at predicting which dancers would be the last ones left standing, I remember seeing this and thinking that it would be impossible for Amelia to be left out of the top four.
Not only was she left out of the top four, she was left out of the top 10. She didn’t even qualify for the tour.
I guess this just goes to show that America’s love doesn’t come cheap. They want more than characters and theatrics and dancers who mug at the camera; they want real, undeniable talent.
Then, it was time for the No. 4 best moment of the season, which belonged to housewife Brie, who sacrificed her dancing career when she had kids. The judges originally put her through to Vegas — and invited her children to the judges’ panel to help determine her fate — but she didn’t make it much farther than that.
Moving right along, Mary chose what she perceived as the most powerful, emotional number of the season: Chehon’s and all-star Kathryn’s “Eli, Eli” routine, based on the Holocaust and choreographed by Tyce.
Oh, man, I loved this one. This routine was the precise moment Chehon became a lock for the finale. This is when he proved he could do emotion — he had that silent scream, that astounding lift in the middle, that dive toward the suitcase on the floor. This was probably his best performance of the season. Good thing we got to see it again. This would justify his win, 100 percent, if he got it.
Finally, at the end of the first hour of the finale, it was time to give some love to the four finalists, starting with Eliana. She chose to re-perform her “Bang Bang” contemporary piece with alls-star Alex — otherwise known as the routine that prompted Nigel to deem her his favorite dancer in the history of SYTYCD.
Along with Chehon’s suitcase routine, this was certainly one of the standouts of the season. It was so nice to finally — finally — get to see Eliana do a contemporary number with such a talented partner. For so long, she carried her partners — I’m talking to you, Cy — and this kind of reminded all of us how amazing she can be when she dances with someone who’s actually on her level.
Post-routine, Nigel told us once again that Eliana is his favorite, then told her that every choreographer on this show is obsessed with her and wants to hire her. Aw, shucks.
The No. 3 top moment of the season went to the two twins — I think they owned a clothing store or something — who auditioned when Jesse Tyler Ferguson was guest-judging. I remember them being kind of funny but also kind of annoying. Oh well.
Next, Cat got to choose a routine for us all to see once again! It was Tiffany and all-star Brandon’s disco! Featuring a whopping 11 lifts! Tiffany is so good. This was a great moment for her because it gave her a chance to get her inner J.Lo on, complete with the sparkly bodysuit. She finally got to show some personality and smile a little and prove that if the Black Eyed Peas ever need a backup dancer, she’s their girl. Oh, and as Cat indicated, the 11 lifts were pretty amazing.
Chehon chose to dance his Argentine tango with Anya because it helped him break through what he called his “emotional wall.” Kind of a strange pick for Chehon. I’m sure that if the judges hadn’t chosen the suitcase routine already, he would have — but this was an odd selection because the judges constantly got on his case about the fact that he was weak when it came to the Latin styles. I thought this routine was kind of sleepy and dull and not all that sensual or interesting for a tango, but hey. I suppose Chehon truly believed it helped him grow, so why not?
It also gave him an opportunity to wear a sheer red shirt.
Afterward, Mary told him he’s been extraordinary from the get-go, and the night he performed this particular tango was the night his wall noticeably came down.
After a lengthy montage of all the wonderful hip-hop routines we saw this season, we got another treat: a brand new hip-hop routine! With Twitch, Comfort and Cyrus featuring Christopher Scott!
Interesting that they gave Cyrus a special routine with two all-stars and a choreographer. Not that the producers adore him or anything. I’m not complaining because I love these dubstep numbers — they’re actually my favorite, and this one in particular was so impressive — but there is just so much rampant special treatment for Cy.
I would love to see this season’s voting totals just for an indication of how much demand there is for this. Given the way the producers pimped him, I would assume that Cyrus straight-up dominated all season.
Tiffany reprised her Mandy Moore-choreographed “Power of Love” contemporary routine because she said it was her defining moment. We know how much she loves that song. I do, too, and I was pretty thrilled I got to hear (and see!) it again. The lifts in this routine were so spectacular, and so was Tiffany’s body control. It was like a figure-skating routine on the ground. Pretty amazing stuff.
Mary said this was the routine that opened the judges’ eyes and proved that Tiffanyf could be a mature dancer as well as a “firecracker.”
This was the point in the finale when I really started wondering who would win. How do you choose between Eliana and Tiffany? How come they both couldn’t win?
The No. 2 top moment of the season — YES — was THE EXORCIST. Oh man, I missed him. This was absolutely the top audition moment for me. This possibly was the top moment of the season for me (I peaked early). I wonder if The Exorcist has watched Cyrus’ trajectory through this show and wishes he hadn’t given up.
And of course, the No. 1 moment of the season was Dragon House, the hip-hop trio from Atlanta, which was welcomed back to the live stage. So much love for hip-hop this season.
These dudes were so awesome. They were like three Cyruses. Wait, wasn’t Cyrus in Dragon House? Did I make that up? How come nobody mentioned that? How come Cyrus didn’t dance with them?
Carly Rae Jepsen then took the stage to celebrate her album’s release in the U.S. and to perform her new single, “This Kiss.” Praise the Lord that I didn’t have to hear “Call Me Maybe.” I actually had never heard her sing live before this. I try to avoid Carly Rae Jepsen at all costs.
And now I know why.
Anywho, after the entirely too long montage of this season’s greatest hits, it was time for Cyrus’ reprise. What a shocker that he got to go last! What an even bigger shocker that he chose his final duet with Twitch!
No, in all seriousness, I was pretty psyched that he chose this number. It was pretty excellent. Anyone who watches this show was waiting all season to see these two dance together, and finally seeing it happen was like Christmas.
Also, I think Twitch got more face time during the finale than three of the four finalists.
After they were finished and stood frozen and twitching at center stage, Cat earned her Emmy nomination with the quote of the night: “Don’t worry, I’ve got the charger!”
Nigel attempted to compensate for last week’s mind games by telling Cyrus that that “if some company doesn’t use you as the face of their product, they are very stupid.” ‘Kay. I’ve never seen Nigel pimp out contestants for endorsement deals before, but there’s a first time for everything. I’m sure he has plenty of ideas for Witney.
He also said that not only did Cy steal last week’s show with this routine, he stole the whole season. True story. No way he would lose.
… Or would he?
First, before the results, there was time for one more original routine, choreographed by Tabitha and Napoleon (when did they have time to choreograph? Didn’t they just have a baby?). The top 10 teamed up with the all-stars, and OMG you guys. It was a king-of-the-jungle routine that began with the intro of “Circle of Life.” I was sold immediately.
Also, everyone was dressed up like lions, complete with fake fur and face paint. So that happened. It was like king-of the-jungle Rocky Horror Picture Show. I kind of enjoyed it, though.
And then — dun dun dun — the final results. Finally. It all came down to this. Oh, the nerves!
Eliana, dressed in all black, and Tiffany, dressed in all white, were up first. Both ladies were weeping as Cat dragged out the final reveal and deemed America’s favorite (female) dancer…
ELIANA!
I was pretty happy. She’s so cute and likable. So is Tiffany, but Tiff was kind of a late bloomer, so ultimately, this was no surprise. Eliana’s demeanor is so reminiscent of Melanie’s that this was kind of a given from the get-go, and she is just so freaking talented.
And then, the guys. This, of course, was the real moment of truth, which was why the producers saved the guys for last. During the pre-results montage, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that Cyrus would win. It’s so easy to see why people love him. He is very lovable, and it’s so much fun to watch him. If that’s what this show is about, I’m okay with that, even if it means ultra-talented Chehon gets the shaft.
And so, America’s favorite male dancer was…
Chehon.
Did I not say that there is a reason why I don’t bet?
Still, I was pretty shocked. I think Cyrus was shocked. Chehon was definitely shocked. I think America ultimately made the right call here: They awarded the best dancer with the top honors.
But … there was a tiny part of me that felt bad for poor Cy.
But there is no doubt in my mind that we’ll be seeing more than enough of him in the all-star rounds of future seasons.
So that’s a wrap on Season 9! What did you think? Did the right dancers win? Who did you vote for? Did you buy into Nigel’s performance-finale mind tricks?
Until next season…
[Image Credit: FOX]
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The 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami that devastated the coastlines of Southeast Asia was a shocking and upsetting experience, no matter who you are or where you were. From the comfort of my home on the East Coast of the United States, I watched news channels and websites as more and more news poured in, the scope of the catastrophe painted clearer and clearer with each passing minute. But it wasn't very tangible. Still images and helicopter video were eerily detached. The cataclysmic natural event was just a news blip, but on the other side of the globe, people were actually experiencing it. That's why The Impossible, while not an entirely successful docudrama, is an absolute must-see. The film takes you there — and it's gut-wrenching.
From director Juan Antonio Bayona (The Orphanage), The Impossible follows a British family vacationing in Thailand over the Christmas holiday. On December 26th, 2004, as Harry (Ewan McGregor), Mary (Naomi Watts), and their three young boys lounge around the pool at their ritzy resort, the tsunami strikes. Thanks to hyper-real special effects, the damage caused by the tsunami is fully realized by Bayona. Within seconds of becoming aware of what is going on, Mary and her teenage son Lucas are swept away by the wave. Brown sea water and sharp debris swirl about as the mother and son are carried further inland. When the flood dies down, Mary is nearly broken, her body is ripped with gashes and the flesh of her leg peeled back like a banana. Lucas helps her stumble through the destruction to a tree, which they climb and wait for help that may or may not come.
Someone reportedly fainted at the first Toronto screening of The Impossible, and it's not hard to see why. Bayona depicts the horrors in all their gruesome detail. The terrifying imagery isn't exploitive, but a necessary, eye-opening experience for anyone who has never witnessed disaster first hand (and I'm guessing that's most people). The Impossible starts to lose steam in its second half, when Mary and Lucas' journey takes them to a Thai hospital where the we meet others punished by the hand of Earth. As Mary struggles to stay alive, Lucas aids the other patients, reconnecting families and hoping that he may do the same with his father and two brothers. With soft piano music and warm light, Bayona pulls a Spielberg: he orchestrates nightmarish action then slathers on the schmaltz. The warm and fuzzy turn is over-the-top, but feels necessary. After the intensity of the tsunami, Bayona throws the audience a bone.
The Impossible won't be the most entertaining film of the 2012 holiday season, but it's required viewing. Only a fictional film could effectively recreate the tsunami in as visceral a fashion. To fully understand what it's like to be in the middle of a disaster, to survive it, is something every person on this planet needs to understand.
[Photo Credit: Summit Entertainment]
Follow Matt Patches on Twitter @misterpatches
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One of the pitfalls of being a purportedly grownup film critic is that you are sometimes assigned the likes of Beverly Hills Chihuahua or Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. These films seem immune to criticism, as most people will dismiss all their problems with a flippant, “Well, it’s a kid’s movie.” But does a film’s target audience automatically absolve it of all faults? This dubious safety net overlooks the fact that when these movies make it to the video store, they are nestled under the “Family” section, not one labeled, “Kids.”
The best family films don’t rest on laurels, don’t cater exclusively to those still in OshKosh. Is it simply nostalgia that keeps us revisiting our favorite movies from our formative years? With the exception of the occasional return to the Space Jam universe, the answer is no. The great family films, the ones that stand the test of time, are the ones that strive for more than pre-school pandering. These classics, and some modern fare already flirting with classic status, are built upon solid fundamentals of filmmaking that represent a shared DNA. Here’s a look at those components and some of the phenomenal family fare composed of them.
Play To The Adults Too
It’s absurdly obvious to state that adults and children have wildly different conceptions of what is funny; that is unless Adam Sandler is involved. The main reason taking the kids to the movies on a Saturday afternoon is often such a chore is that the parents suffer through fart jokes and otherwise kid-centric humor with nothing to make themselves laugh. Great family films find a way to insert jokes that will fly gracefully over the heads of the tykes in the crowd and strike the funny bones of mom and dad. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs makes jokes about the cinematic proclivities of Roland Emmerich, Sky High references Tolstoy, and the Genie in Disney’s Aladdin lampoons everyone from Jack Nicholson to Peter Lorre. Heck, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, a movie I watched repeatedly as a kid, is a film noir about an alcoholic private eye solving a murder incited by infidelity… with cartoon characters.
Well-Drawn Characters
As in simply well-animated? Not in this instance. The best family films give us characters that linger in our consciousness for years, and not just because they're talking animals or the products of motion-capture. We need characters that are as empathetic as they are silly, as likable as they are loud. Buddy from Elf may strike us as goofy because he doesn’t understand things like escalators and revolving doors, but his naivety also translates to an unflappable optimism about the inherent goodness is all people. It’s genuine, it’s sweet, and it moves us. Pixar is able to create hopelessly adorable characters who don’t even speak. Wall-E’s big eyes and electronic mumbles enthrall the kiddies, but the joy he takes in simple, often ignored objects is warming for the kid-at-heart adults in the theater.
Adventure Time
The element of adventure is vital to several genres, but crafting spectacle that will be appropriate for children while also thrilling adults is the daunting task faced by many family films. Pixar’s The Incredibles does precisely this, using superhero aesthetics that establish real stakes without copious amounts of blood. How to Train Your Dragon’s flight sequences are another great example, as is the silly, but odyssey-like journey of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. One need only look at Disney’s live-action family films of yesteryear to see how important the adventure component can be. Seeing the giant squid take on the Nautilus in their version of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea made Jules Verne wonderfully accessible for kids, even if they had no idea they were subtly being educated in classic literature.
Timeless Themes
Why did so many of the early animated Disney films begin with the opening of a giant, ornate book? True, it could be credited to the fact that many were based on classic fairy tales, but also it’s because family films more than any other genre are about the importance of telling stories. The best family films understand the principle of storytelling as a form of cultural heritage. These are stories that communicate timeless themes that allow for the films themselves to stand the test of time. E.T. is not just about a boy and his alien, it’s about the anguish and loneliness of a child dealing with the divorce of his parents. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory still dazzles children today, as well as adults, because it’s an underdog story that espouses the rewards of ethics. The Sandlot uses the great American pastime to illustrate the importance and impact of childhood friendships.
Memorable Visuals
Strong stories are at the heart of these great family films, but they are films, requiring memorable visuals to function. The first thing most people think of when recalling The Wizard of Oz is either the melting of the wicked witch or the stark transition from black-and-white to color when Dorothy reaches Oz. Julie Andrews sang like an angel as Mary Poppins, but most recall her bottomless bag, vehicular umbrella, and ceiling tea parties. Even something as recent as The Nightmare Before Christmas is a testament to the importance of visuals in constructing quality family cinema. The slowly unfurling curled hill, the trees bearing symbols of the various holidays, and the creepy innards of Oogie Boogie encapsulate the immense creative genius of that movie.
From the warm reception that Diary of a Wimpy Kid has received, with many flocking to theaters this weekend to see a second sequel, it seems to be well on its way to being listed among these beloved titles. How many of the aforementioned vital elements can you see in Diary of a Wimpy Kid?
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Ernest Borgnine has passed away at the age of 95. The actor's rep, Lynda Bensky, confirmed the news in a statement to Hollywood.com: "It's a very sad day. The industry has lost someone great, the caliber of which we will never see again. A true icon. But more importantly the world has lost a sage and loving man who taught us all how to 'grow young'. His infectious smile and chuckle made the world a happier place."
Borgnine’s career began on a suggestion from his mother, who believed his personality was well suited for the stage. The Hamden, Conn.-born actor took his mother’s advice and ran with it, racking up a series of roles on stage before heading to both the big and small screens.
His career spanned six decades, making him an icon of the business, beloved and respected by many. Known widely for being a dynamic character actor, Borgnine made the Hollywood scene his playground, making a name for himself with generally villainous roles. His career-bucking role as a lovelorn butcher in 1955’s Marty won him an Oscar for Best Actor. Other highlights of his career include playing the sadistic Sargeant “Fatso” Judson in 1953's From Here to Eternity (where he had the tremendous duty of taunting a one Mr. Frank Sinatra), and his long-standing run on McHale’s Navy as the title character Quinton McHale.
Borgnine continued to work well into his later years, lending voice work to the popular children’s show Spongebob SquarePants. The actor also won himself an Emmy for his work on the final season of ER. His final acting resume totaled 203 titles — an impressive number by any standard. Additional roles in The Wild Bunch, The Dirty Dozen, and Escape from New York solidified his tremendous talent and Hollywood icon status. His 2007 Golden Globe nomination for a Hallmark film A Grandpa for Christmas made him the oldest actor to ever receive the honor.
He remarked in 1973 that having the starring role was never the most important goal for him, explaining, “I don’t care whether a role is 10 minutes long or two hours,” which showed his passion for the craft rather than the hullabaloo of fame itself.
In addition to acting, Borgnine spent 10 years in the Navy, and was the playful face of his wife Tova Traesnaes Borgnine’s “Beauty by Tova” skincare line for a time. They were married for 34 years.
When it came to growing young, Borgnine explained that his secret was to just keep working; something he loved and did until his last days. He will be remembered for his charisma and ability to bring real life to whatever role he took on.
[Image Credit: WENN.com]
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A kids’ movie without the cheeky jokes for adults is like a big juicy BLT without the B… or the T. Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted may have a title that sounds like it was made up in a cartoon sequel laboratory but when it comes to serving up laughs just think of the film as a BLT with enough extra bacon to satisfy even the wildest of animals — or even a parent with a gaggle of tots in tow. Yes even with that whole "Afro Circus" nonsense.
It’s not often that we find exhaustively franchised films like the Madagascar set that still work after almost seven years. Despite being spun off into TV shows and Christmas specials in addition to its big screen adventures the series has not only maintained its momentum it has maintained the part we were pleasantly surprised by the first time around: great jokes.
In this third installment of the series – the trilogy-maker if you will – directing duo Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath add Conrad Vernon (director Monsters Vs. Aliens) to the helm as our trusty gang swings back into action. Alex the lion (Ben Stiller) Marty the zebra (Chris Rock) Gloria the hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith) and Melman the giraffe (David Schwimmer) are stuck in Africa after the hullaballoo of Madagascar 2 and they’ll do anything to get back to their beloved New York. Just a hop skip and a jump away in Monte Carlo the penguins are doing their usual greedy schtick but the zoo animals catch up with them just in time to catch the eye of the sinister animal control stickler Captain Dubois (Frances McDormand). And just like that the practically super human captain is chasing them through Monte Carlo and the rest of Europe in hopes of planting Alex’s perfectly coifed lion head on her wall of prized animals.
Luckily for pint-sized viewers Dubois’ terrifying presence is balanced out by her sheer inhuman strength uncanny guiles and Stretch Armstrong flexibility (ah the wonder of cartoons) as well as Alex’s escape plan: the New Yorkers run away with the European circus. While Dubois’ terrifying Doberman-like presence looms over the entire film a sense of levity (which is a word the kiddies might learn from Stiller’s eloquent lion) comes from the plan for salvation in which the circus animals and the zoo animals band together to revamp the circus and catch the eye of a big-time American agent. Sure the pacing throughout the first act is practically nonexistent running like a stampede through the jungle but by the time we're palling around under the big top the film finds its footing.
The visual splendor of the film (and man is there a champion size serving of it) the magnificent danger and suspense is enhanced to great effect by the addition of 3D technology – and not once is there a gratuitous beverage or desperate Crocodile Dundee knife waved in our faces to prove its worth. The caveat is that the soundtrack employs a certain infectious Katy Perry ditty at the height of the 3D spectacular so parents get ready to hear that on repeat until the leaves turn yellow.
But visual delights and adventurous zoo animals aside Madagascar 3’s real strength is in its script. With the addition of Noah Baumbach (Greenberg The Squid and the Whale) to the screenwriting team the script is infused with a heightened level of almost sarcastic gravitas – a welcome addition to the characteristically adult-friendly reference-heavy humor of the other Madagascar films. To bring the script to life Paramount enlisted three more than able actors: Vitaly the Siberian tiger (Bryan Cranston) Gia the Leopard (Jessica Chastain) and Stefano the Italian Sealion (Martin Short). With all three actors draped in European accents it might take viewers a minute to realize that the cantankerous tiger is one and the same as the man who plays an Albuquerque drug lord on Breaking Bad but that makes it that much sweeter to hear him utter slant-curse words like “Bolshevik” with his usual gusto.
Between the laughs the terror of McDormand’s Captain Dubois and the breathtaking virtual European tour the Zoosters’ accidental vacation is one worth taking. Madagascar 3 is by no means an insta-classic but it’s a perfectly suited for your Summer-at-the-movies oasis.

July
The month of July was overshadowed by the sudden and shocking death of British singer Amy Winehouse. The Back to Black hitmaker was found dead at her home in London at the age of 27 and the news sent the world of showbusiness into mourning. Tributes poured in from both fans and famous friends following the tragedy, and Winehouse's music shot back into the charts.
The headlines were also dominated by celebrity divorces as Jennifer Lopez announced her split from husband of seven years, Marc Anthony, the father of her young twins, Max and Emme. Arnold Schwarzenegger's marriage also came to an abrupt end as his wife Maria Shriver filed for divorce following revelations the actor/politician fathered a lovechild with the family's housekeeper.
Scarlett Johansson's divorce from Ryan Reynolds was finalised and Patricia Arquette's split from husband Thomas Jane was also made official.
In happier news, all eyes were on Monaco as the world geared up for the second royal wedding of the year, following the union of Britain’s Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge in April. In the same month as the British royals flew to Canada to begin their first international tour as a married couple, Prince Albert of Monaco married his fiancee, South African beauty Charlene Wittstock. The couple exchanged vows in two ceremonies in Monte Carlo and the former swimmer became her Serene Highness Princess Charlene of Monaco. British supermodel Kate Moss also became a married woman as she wed rocker Jamie Hince in a lavish ceremony in the English countryside, while it was also an exciting month for the Beckham family as former Spice Girls star Victoria, already mother to three boys, gave birth to her first daughter, Harper Seven.
There was also baby joy for Hollywood actress Kate Hudson - she welcomed a son called Bingham with her rocker fiance Matt Bellamy. Singer Jewel, actress Selma Blair and former Fugees star Lauryn Hill also became parents. British artist/director Sam Taylor-Wood also hit headlines after she confirmed she was expecting a second baby with her 21-year-old fiance, actor Aaron Johnson, a year after the birth of their daughter. The couple met on the set of their 2009 film Nowhere Boy and became parents together in 2010.
July also saw troubled British rocker Pete Doherty granted his freedom after serving less than half of his six-month prison sentence for cocaine possession. Another beleaguered star to walk free from jail was rapper DMX, who served seven months behind bars for a probation violation. However, David Gilmour’s son Charlie found himself on the other side of the prison walls as he was ordered to serve 16 months in jail for his part in the 2010 student riots in London. The Pink Floyd star’s son was charged with violent disorder for causing chaos in the British capital and swinging from a flag on the city’s Cenotaph war memorial. (LR/ZN)
August
The usual serenity of the summer months was shattered this year when Kate Winslet cheated death in a devastating inferno at Richard Branson's luxury island home, and a string of British stars appealed for calm as widespread rioting broke out in the U.K.
Winslet was holidaying at Virgin boss Branson's Necker Island retreat when lightning struck the property, sparking a huge blaze which gutted the home. Her party of 20 miraculously escaped unscathed - and Winslet was later hailed a heroine after it emerged she carried Branson's 90-year-old mother from the property during the drama.
As unrest, looting, and arson broke out for several nights in the U.K., showbiz stars including Idris Elba, Natasha Bedingfield and Boy George called for calm, and there was also bad news for Sir Paul McCartney - who learned his phone had been hacked by the tabloid press - and veteran actress Margot Kidder, who was arrested during an environment protest at the White House.
Tragedy struck at the Indiana State Fair, when a horrific stage collapse left seven revellers dead and more than 40 injured, actor Rowan Atkinson was treated in hospital after wrecking his rare sports car by crashing it into a tree, and French actor Gerard Depardieu was left red-faced when he was thrown off a plane in Paris, France for urinating in the cabin after he was refused access to the toilet during take-off.
It was ladies night at the MTV Video Music Awards as Katy Perry, Britney Spears and Lady Gaga took home two honours each - and Beyonce announced her pregnancy news. And at the Teen Choice Awards, Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez were crowned queens of the event when they scooped whopping 11 awards between them.
Kings of Leon finally succumbed to their relentless touring schedule and axed their remaining U.S. dates to allow frontman Caleb Followill to recover from "vocal issues and exhaustion", Aerosmith rocker Tom Hamilton and Deep Purple star Jon Lord both announced they were battling cancer, Bono was hospitalised with chest pains, and Norwegian pop band A-ha thrilled fans by announcing they were to reform.
In family news, Kiss star Paul Stanley became a father again, and there were also welcome additions for Ethan Hawke, funnywoman Tina Fey, illusionist David Copperfield, Jessica Alba, and Benicio del Toro, who fathered a child with Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly.
There were wedding bells for country singer Chely Wright and filmmaker Sofia Coppola, but romance took a plunge for George Michael and Geri Halliwell, who both split from their partners. Also joining the singles club was Arctic Monkeys rocker Alex Turner, who broke up with MTV presenter Alexa Chung after four years together.
The showbiz world bid farewell to songwriting legend Jerry Leiber, who died of cardiopulmonary failure at the age of 78, Police Academy star Charles 'Bubba' Smith, Bollywood veteran Shammi Kapoor, blues legend David 'Honeyboy' Edwards, Warrant rocker Jani Lane, and Motown hitmaker Nickolas Ashford. (ZN/LR)
September
September was a month rapper T.I. would like to both remember and forget - he completed an 11-month prison sentence for a probation violation only to run into legal trouble again soon after his initial release for conducting illegal business deals on his way to a halfway house. It wasn't a great month for Madonna either - her movie take on the romance between Wallis Simpson and Edward VIII was savaged by critics at the Venice Film Festival, while her ex-husband Guy Ritchie became a dad again.
Celine Dion was left shaken up after an intruder was found running a bath at her Montreal, Canada home; Neil Diamond revealed his engagement, and Dr. Conrad Murray's involuntary manslaughter trial got underway in Los Angeles as prosecutors attempted to prove the medic was responsible for Michael Jackson's death.
R.E.M. announced they were splitting after 31 years; My Chemical Romance fired drummer Michael Pedicone after accusing him of stealing from them; Boyzone singer Ronan Keating swam the Irish Sea for Cancer Research in the U.K., and Sir Paul McCartney became a grandfather again and was named the MusiCares Person of the Year - while he also celebrated as his first ballet score debuted in New York.
The Amy Winehouse Foundation was launched on what would have been the tragic singer's 28th birthday, and the star's Body &amp; Soul duet with Tony Bennett became a hit, making the 85-year-old crooner the oldest living artist to have a single in America's Hot 100.
Eddie Murphy was confirmed as the host for the 2012 Oscars; model Lauren Bush became Lauren Lauren when she exchanged vows with Ralph Lauren's son David; British funnyman David Walliams braved the chills of the River Thames and a stomach bug to complete a charity 140-mile swim in eight days.
Actress Evan Rachel Wood lost a tooth during a boozy night out in Paris; Reese Witherspoon was hospitalised after she was hit by a car while out jogging in Santa Monica, California; soul legend Chaka Khan won temporary custody of her granddaughter after claiming the girl's mother was struggling with drug abuse issues, and British The Saturdays singer Una Healy announced she was pregnant.
INXS dropped frontman J.D. fortune for a second time and replaced him with Ciaran Gribbin; Austin Powers henchman Joseph Son was sentenced to life behind bars for a Christmas Eve rape in 1990, and George Clooney went public with his new girl, Stacey Kiebler, at the Toronto Film Festival in Canada.
Ashton Kutcher had a month of ups and downs - his debut on TV sitcom Two and a Half Men was a big hit as 28 million Americans tuned in, but then came the news that his marriage to Demi Moore was in trouble amid infidelity rumours. Comedienne Wanda Sykes opened up about her breast cancer battle and double mastectomy; Sharon Stone won a restraining order against an obsessed fan and promptly put the home he visited uninvited on the market, and reality TV star and filmmaker Jack Osbourne announced his engagement to actress Lisa Stelly and followed that up with the news he was to become a dad.
Third time was not the charm for Clueless star Stacy Dash, who announced her plans to divorce husband number three, Emmanuel Xuereb, and X-Men star James Marsden's wife also joined the divorce club as she filed papers against her husband. Elizabeth Hurley's love life was on the up - she accepted cricket star Shane Warne's wedding proposal just three months after divorcing Arun Nayar.
Meanwhile, Elton John launched his new Million Dollar Piano residency in Las Vegas; Smokey Robinson accepted the coveted Ella Award at the Society of Singers Gala, and the month wrapped up with Shania Twain's alleged stalker pleading guilty to harassing the singer in court in Ontario, Canada.
Among September's Hollywood weddings, Amy Smart married reality TV star Carter Oosterhouse; Cougar Town co-stars David Rogers and Sally Pressman became man and wife, and model-turned-actress Molly Sims wed in a Napa Valley vineyard in California. There were also nuptials for British filmmaker Michael Winner and DJ/producer Mark Ronson, while R&amp;B singer Keyshia Cole and former Friends star David Schwimmer both renewed vows with their spouses in Hawaii and London, respectively.
There was baby news for model Jodie Kidd, who gave birth to a son; actress Mary McCormack, who became a mum for the third time, and January Jones, who welcomed Xander Dane to the world while staying mum about the tot's father. Actors Emily Deschanel, Ana Ortiz, Mike Myers, Danny McBride and Jenna Fischer also became new parents. In the music world, former Spice Girl Melanie Brown gave birth to her third daughter, and country star John Rich and former Pussycat Dolls member Carmit Bachar welcomed babies too.
On September's sick list were rocker Scott Weiland and pop stars Katy Perry and Adele, who both scrapped shows due to illness, while Megadeth headbanger Dave Mustaine underwent surgery for a serious neck injury.
The month's big winners included movie mogul Tyler Perry, who was named Forbes magazine's Highest Paid Man in Entertainment; actor Michael Fassbender and director Alexander Sokurov, who claimed Best Actor and Best Film honours, respectively, for Shame and Faust at the Venice Film Festival. Gritty TV drama Boardwalk Empire picked up eight Emmy Awards; Calle 13 landed a record 10 Latin Grammy Award nominations, and Happy Days star Henry Winkler picked up an honorary Order of the British Empire medal at the British Embassy in Washington, D.C.
Also winning: P.J. Harvey, who scooped the Mercury Prize in Britain, Arcade Fire, who claimed Canada's Polaris Prize, and U2 and Rolling Stone Keith Richards, who were named GQ magazine's Men of the Year.
September's losers included Scarlett Johansson, who was left exposed in a series of leaked naked phone photos; Cameron Diaz, who split from baseball beau Alex Rodriguez, and John Travolta, whose beloved Mercedes-Benz was stolen outside a Jaguar dealership in Santa Monica, while his Swordfish co-star Halle Berry broke her foot while on location in Spain.
Meanwhile, we said a sad goodbye to a slew of famous faces, including actors Andy Whitfield and Cliff Robertson; beloved TV stars Mary Fickett and Vesta Williams; actor Jack Garner; French DJ Mehdi Faveris-Essadi; blues great Willie 'Big Eyes' Smith; R&amp;B hitmaker Vesta Williams; gospel icon Jessy Dixon; celebrated British writer/producer David Croft; Happy Gilmore star Frances Bay, and moviemakers David Pressman, Charles Dubin, George Kachar and Paul Hunt. (KL/MT)
October
October was a big month for celebrity weddings - funnyman Seth Rogen tied the knot with longtime girlfriend Lauren Miller, Twilight star Nikki Reed married singer/songwriter Paul McDonald, and former Beverly Hills, 90210 actress Shannen Doherty walked down the aisle for the third time when she exchanged vows with celebrity photographer Kurt Iswarienko. Also hoping to make it third-time lucky was Robin Williams, who wed graphic designer Susan Schneider.
Also taking the plunge was Kiss rocker Gene Simmons, who married his girlfriend of 28 years, Shannon Tweed, and Sir Paul McCartney, who exchanged vows with American heiress Nancy Shevell on what would have been his former Beatles bandmate John Lennon’s 71st birthday.
And Sex &amp; the City star Mario Cantone made good use of New York's new gay rights bill by solidifying his love for longtime partner Jerry Dixon.
A number of other stars announced their intention to wed in October - NCIS: Los Angeles star Eric Christian Olsen proposed to girlfriend Sarah Wright and Trace Cyrus popped the question to Disney actress Brenda Song. And actress Kaley Cuoco was sporting a new sparkler after boyfriend Josh 'Lazie' Resnik got down on bended knee. Also officially off the market were former child star Frankie Muniz, The Devil Wears Prada actor Stanley Tucci, rapper The Game and Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love's grown-up little girl Francis Bean Cobain.
A number of other celebrities were prepping their homes for babies - movie star Bruce Willis, American footballer Tony Romo, former Dawson's Creek hunk James Van Der Beek, and actress Kaitlin Olson all announced they are expecting little ones, and Jessica Simpson ended months of speculation by announcing she was pregnant.
And October's new parents included Ne-Yo, who welcomed a baby boy, model Ali Landry, who gave birth to her second child, actress Spencer Grammer, who became a first time mum, and France's First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, who became a mum for the second time when baby Giulia was born. Reality TV star Tori Spelling took home baby number three, as did Jackass funnyman Johnny Knoxville. And Sex &amp; the City beauty Kristin Davis, The Help actress Viola Davis and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation veteran Mariska Hargitay all adopted babies.
But it wasn't such a happy month for rapper Rick Ross, who suffered two seizures on his way to a concert, or socialite Kim Kardashian who filed for divorce from husband Kris Humphries after just 72 days of marriage.
In other news, Star Trek actor Zachary Quinto announced he was gay and troubled actress Lindsay Lohan had her probation revoked after failing to complete her required community service hours. She also faced a limousine lawsuit for allegedly neglecting to pay a bill, her dad was arrested - twice, and she was served a lawsuit for reportedly attacking a Betty Ford Clinic employee during her stay there last year (10).
Meanwhile, the stars came out to show their support for the Occupy Wall Street protests, which were originally launched in New York City in a bid to end corporate greed, and the world mourned the loss of Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, British TV and radio personality Sir Jimmy Savile, The Charlie Daniels Band keyboard player Joel 'Taz' Digregorio, former Weezer star Mikey Welsh, veteran British actress Betty Driver, The Miracles guitarist Marv Tarplin, pianist Roger Williams and IndyCar driver Dan Wheldon, who died in a horrific car smash at the Indy300.
November
British bachelor Hugh Grant stunned the world when he announced he had a new love in his life - a baby girl he had fathered during a brief relationship with Chinese model/actress Tinglan Hong. He wasn't the only star to join the celebrity parents' club in November - singer Lily Allen had a reason to Smile again after giving birth to a daughter, her first child with new husband Sam Cooper, while newsman Piers Morgan and his wife Celia Walden also became parents to a little girl. Maggie Gyllenhaal and her husband Peter Sarsgaard announced they were expecting their second child, as did reality TV star Kourtney Kardashian and her partner Scott Disick.
Selena Gomez revealed she is set to become a big sister, while Justin Bieber had some unwanted baby news of his own - he found himself at the centre of a paternity scandal following allegations he had impregnated 20-year-old Mariah Yeater following a backstage tryst in Los Angeles last year (10). The Baby hitmaker denied the claim and Yeater subsequently dropped the lawsuit.
Lindsay Lohan's troubles hit the headlines again after she was sentenced to serve 30 days behind bars for a probation violation, although she was released after less than five hours due to jail overcrowding. Dr. Conrad Murray was not so lucky - he was convicted of involuntary manslaughter relating to the death of Michael Jackson and sentenced to the maximum of four years behind bars.
In other legal matters, country singer Mindy McCready sparked a manhunt after she took her five-year-old son Zander from his father's Florida home without permission; Tim McGraw won a court battle with his record company bosses releasing him from his contract; and TLC star T-Boz declared bankruptcy.
Hugh Grant, Sienna Miller and Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling became driving forces in the push to improve British press standards following the News of the World phone-hacking scandal earlier this year (11) - the three stars were called to give evidence to the Leveson Inquiry and told how they had had their voicemails, emails and other private messages intercepted by private investigators working on behalf of tabloid reporters.
The sporting world mourned the death of boxing great Joe Frazier at the age of 67, just days after it was revealed he was battling liver cancer, while the hip-hop industry was rocked by the passing of rap icon Heavy D, who collapsed outside his Los Angeles home and was later declared dead at 44. British moviemaker Ken Russell also passed away, aged 84, and longtime Oscars producer Gil Cates died at 77. Meanwhile, Beatles fans remembered George Harrison on 29 November as fans marked the 10th anniversary of his death.
Veteran pop star George Michael was forced to scrap the remainder of his European tour after he was struck down by a serious bout of pneumonia; Bee Gees singer Robin Gibb also spent time in hospital after suffering abdominal pains, and Adele and Keith Urban had a quiet month as they both recovered from vocal cord surgery, while heavy rock fans rejoiced as the original members of Black Sabbath announced they would be reuniting for a new album and tour in 2012.
It was ladies' night at the American Music Awards as Taylor Swift and Adele walked away with three honours each, while Lady Gaga reigned over the MTV Europe Music Awards and newlyweds Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton ruled the Country Music Association Awards by taking home the two top vocalist prizes. November also saw Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher end weeks of speculation about their marriage by calling it quits, while Sugarland singer Jennifer Nettles tied the knot and Anne Hathaway began making plans to wed boyfriend Adam Schulman, and former The Hills star Kristin Cavallari and American footballer Jay Cutler became engaged again, months after they broke off their initial plans to marry.
And it was a busy month for the film industry - the latest Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn - Part 1, landed the biggest global debut in the film franchise's history, thanks to a massive $284 million (£177.5 million) opening weekend haul; Golden Globes bosses decided to bring back controversial comedian Ricky Gervais to host his third prizegiving in 2012; Billy Crystal stepped in for Eddie Murphy as the host of the 2012 Academy Awards a day after the comic and producer pal Brett Ratner resigned, and the race for the Oscars kicked off with the Gotham Independent Film Awards, where Terrence Malick's Tree of Life and Mike Mills' acclaimed Beginners made history when they became the first films to tie for the Best Feature prize in the ceremony's 21-year history.
December
The holiday bells were peeling for newlyweds A.J. McLean, actress Judy Greer, reality TV star Jeff Probst and Yeah Yeah Yeahs rocker Karen O, while Sinead O'Connor married an addiction counsellor in Las Vegas only to call off the union 16 days later. There were also splits for actress Debra Messing and Chaz Bono.
Britney Spears led the month's bride and grooms-to-be when she accepted former agent Jason Trawick's proposal on his 40th birthday, while Steven Tyler, John Legend, Matthew McConaughey, basketball legend Michael Jordan and Lady Antebellum's Dave Haywood all popped the question to their girlfriends - and there was baby news for new dads Robert De Niro, Halle Berry's ex Eric Benet, actor Charlie Day, Westlife star Kian Egan, actress/singer Fantasia Barrino, Essence Atkins and pop star Dev, while actress Alyson Hannigan, Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty, Kings of Leon star Caleb Followill's supermodel wife Lily Aldridge, Alessandra Ambrosio and Irish singer Andrea Corr announced they were pregnant.
There was drama for rapper Tyler, The Creator, who was arrested for alleged acts of vandalism during a show in Hollywood; singer Christina Perri, who was attacked in a car-jacking incident; Barry Manilow, who underwent hip surgery, and Morrissey, whose concert in Puebla, Mexico was evacuated following an earthquake, while Britain's Prince Philip and R&amp;B star Etta James spent Christmas in hospital.
Lindsay Lohan bared all for Playboy magazine; Adam Lambert was arrested in Finland following a pre-Christmas bust-up with his boyfriend; rapper The Game halted a gig in Norway to confront a bottle-throwing fan; boxer Floyd Mayweather, Jr. was sentenced to 90 days in jail for a 2010 fight with his ex; a man who leaked an unfinished new Madonna song online was arrested in Spain, and Michael Douglas' incarcerated son Cameron was handed an extra four-and-a-half years behind bars for another drug conviction.
And there was yet more drama for Terrence Howard, who requested a restraining order against his wife; model Lauren Scruggs, who lost her hand and an eye in a freak plane propeller accident; Hollywood couple Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart, who had to vacate their home after high winds brought a tree crashing into their living room, and pop star Selena Gomez suffered a family tragedy when her mother miscarried.
Meanwhile, Jodie Foster's estranged father was jailed for five years after he was found guilty of a property scam; Angelina Jolie was sued by a Croatian journalist who alleged his chronicle of the Bosnian War inspired her directorial debut; Kirsten Dunst won a restraining order against an obsessed French fan; an extra died of a heart attack while shooting The Dark Knight Rises in New York; Goodfellas actor Tony Darrow was sentenced to six months behind bars for arranging a real-life mob beating, and Charlie Sheen had to change his phone number when he accidentally tweeted it to his followers.
The month's big winners included singer Melanie Amaro, who became the first U.S. X Factor winner; Julio Iglesias, who was named Spain's best-selling recording artist of all time; Russell Simmons, who was crowned PETA's Person of the Year; Chaka Khan, who won permanent custody of her granddaughter; Lady Gaga, who was hailed the year's highest earning female musician, and Taylor Swift who picked up Billboard magazine's coveted Woman of The Year honour.
Also winning in December: Guns N' Roses, the Beastie Boys and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who were all announced as the members of the Rock &amp; Roll Hall of Fame's Class of 2012, and Twilight star Kristen Stewart, who was named Forbes magazine's Most Lucrative Star. Adele dominated the year's end album and singles polls; Jason Newsted reunited with Metallica for their 30th anniversary bash in San Francisco, and Martin Scorsese's first 3D movie Hugo was the surprise Best Film winner at the National Board of Review Awards in America.
In other movie news, Transformers: Dark of The Moon was named the year's most mistake-ridden film; Orson Welles' Citizen Kane Oscar sold at auction for $861,000; Drive dominated the Satellite Awards while The Help, The Artist and The Descendants picked up the lion's share of nominations for the Golden Globes and Screen Actors Guild Awards, and Angelina Jolie's directorial debut, In The Land of Blood and Honey, also picked up Golden Globes nods and she was named the 2012 recipient of the Stanley Kramer Award at the Producer's Guild of America Awards.
In music news, Amy Winehouse's posthumous album debuted at number one in Britain; 30 Seconds To Mars broke a concert record at a show in New York - their 309th in a single album cycle, and Gucci Mane was released from prison.
Wrapping up the month, Oscar winner Colin Firth was immortalised in wax at Madame Tussauds in London; Men's Health magazine bosses crowned Jennifer Aniston the Hottest Woman of All Time; Liz Taylor's diamonds and gems set a new auction record by becoming the most valuable private jewellery collection; LMFAO were forced to abandon a gig in Honduras after a fire broke out at the venue; Welsh opera star Katherine Jenkins announced her split from fiance Gethin Jones, and Coldplay rang in 2012 with a $1.6 million gig in Abu Dhabi.
And the last month of the year saw the notable deaths of actor Bill McKinney, soul stars Dobie Gray and Howard Tate, M*A*S*H regular Harry Morgan, Clark Gable and Loretta Young's love child Judy Lewis, actress Doe Avedon Siegel, former child star Susan Gordon, country singer Billie Jo Spears, Aussie actor Graham Bown, world leaders Vaclav Havel and Kim Jong-Il, songwriter Ralph MacDonald, Kojak star Dan Frazer, directors Don Sharp and Yoshimitsu Morita, writer Christopher Hitchens and Tarzan's chimp sidekick Cheetah, who died of liver failure, aged 80.

Queen Elizabeth II's 90-year-old husband was airlifted by helicopter from Sandringham Palace to Papworth Hospital in Cambridgeshire, England on Friday night (22Dec11) after complaining about chest pains.
The Duke of Edinburgh was fitted with a coronary stent during the "minimally invasive" operation.
The Queen, 85, visited the Duke in hospital early on Saturday (24Dec11), accompanied by their daughter Princess Anne, and sons Princes Edward and Andrew.
Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, arrived at Papworth Hospital for a separate visit shortly afterwards.
Speaking to reporters on Saturday morning, Buckingham Palace spokeswoman Ailsa Anderson said, "The Duke of Edinburgh had a good night and is in good spirits but he is eager to leave.
"Sunday's church service is going ahead as planned and we don't anticipate changes to the Royal Family's Christmas celebrations."
The Royal Family traditionally gather to celebrate the festive holiday at Sandringham Palace, where they attended a service at St. Mary Magdalene Church on Christmas Day (25Dec11).
But there was one notable absence at the dinner table as Prince Philip, who traditionally leads the Sandringham shoot on Boxing Day (26Dec11), remained under doctors' care over the Christmas weekend (24-25Dec11).