The Mindset of a Champion

February 27, 2017

Reminder: Remy Ma ate the box

Like its namesake, "Shether" isn't much of a song. It's basically six-plus minutes of Remy Ma ranting and raving about anything and everything that's wrong with Nicki Minaj. (It's a wonder it's not even longer.) Nicki Minaj, if she wanted to, could probably come up with a better song, but could she come up with a more vicious dis song? And what's the most important thing here? (Answer: To hurt people's feelings.)

Much of what Remy Ma had to say was neither here nor there to me personally. All the stuff about Nicki Minaj's fake ass exploding seems like it must be true, but who gives a shit? She could have avoided that by not getting a fake ass in the first place. Whatever her ass looked like before, I doubt it was too small, and anyway the two most important characteristics in an ass are shape and firmness, which can't be improved by increasing the size. Case in point: Nick Minaj's gross tank-ass, before it supposedly exploded.

The stuff about Nicki Minaj paying for a wedding for her pedophile brother was just vicious—it marked the point in the song at which my jaw hit the floor like, Damn, I can't believe she went there. Having said all that, I'm gonna have to reserve judgment until I find out what this guy actually did. Nine times out of ten you hear about a pedophile, it's some poor bastard who had sex with a girl who's 17 in one of the relatively few states where the age of consent is 18. (I have them all memorized.) Hardly any alleged pedophiles are true pedophiles, meaning someone who's attracted to prepubescent children (usually boys). No Milo Yiannopoulos.

If this plays out like the actually-kinda-lame (yeah, I said it!) Nas-Jay Z beef, Nicki Minaj will respond with a song about how she has more money than Remy Ma, and Remy Ma's album with Fat Joe only sold like 10,000 copies—which almost certainly isn't enough to pay whatever Fat Joe owes in back taxes. If this is the case, Nicki Minaj will have lost, just like Jay Z lost to Nas.

To think, there was a time when Nicki Minaj was considered a great rapper. Pretending that Nicki Minaj wasn't just the best female rapper (which is not much of an accomplishment), but the best rapper alive, period, was one of the most powerful, effective forms of virtue-signaling as recently as, like, five years ago. It was the 2012 equivalent of crafting a think piece about what Migos could possibly have meant when they responded to the (shocking) news that Makonnen is gay with a collective, "Eww!" Or whatever's hot on Twitter this week. (Don't go on Twitter.)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Remember when Nicki Minaj was threatening to not show up to Summer Jam because my bestie Peter Rosenberg suggested that no one at the underground stage, out in the parking lot, wanted to listen to "Starships?" If Nicki Minaj threatened not to show up this year, they could replace her with almost anyone. They could have Papoose come out and do a set. He's usually backstage anyway; security at Summer Jam can't tell one black guy from another. As discussed in the prophetic No Country for Black Men, Nicki Minaj was essentially replaced, a few years ago, by Iggy Azalea, who's since had problems with her own fake ass and, incidentally, hasn't had a hit in a few years.

Comments

Reminder: Remy Ma ate the box

Like its namesake, "Shether" isn't much of a song. It's basically six-plus minutes of Remy Ma ranting and raving about anything and everything that's wrong with Nicki Minaj. (It's a wonder it's not even longer.) Nicki Minaj, if she wanted to, could probably come up with a better song, but could she come up with a more vicious dis song? And what's the most important thing here? (Answer: To hurt people's feelings.)

Much of what Remy Ma had to say was neither here nor there to me personally. All the stuff about Nicki Minaj's fake ass exploding seems like it must be true, but who gives a shit? She could have avoided that by not getting a fake ass in the first place. Whatever her ass looked like before, I doubt it was too small, and anyway the two most important characteristics in an ass are shape and firmness, which can't be improved by increasing the size. Case in point: Nick Minaj's gross tank-ass, before it supposedly exploded.

The stuff about Nicki Minaj paying for a wedding for her pedophile brother was just vicious—it marked the point in the song at which my jaw hit the floor like, Damn, I can't believe she went there. Having said all that, I'm gonna have to reserve judgment until I find out what this guy actually did. Nine times out of ten you hear about a pedophile, it's some poor bastard who had sex with a girl who's 17 in one of the relatively few states where the age of consent is 18. (I have them all memorized.) Hardly any alleged pedophiles are true pedophiles, meaning someone who's attracted to prepubescent children (usually boys). No Milo Yiannopoulos.

If this plays out like the actually-kinda-lame (yeah, I said it!) Nas-Jay Z beef, Nicki Minaj will respond with a song about how she has more money than Remy Ma, and Remy Ma's album with Fat Joe only sold like 10,000 copies—which almost certainly isn't enough to pay whatever Fat Joe owes in back taxes. If this is the case, Nicki Minaj will have lost, just like Jay Z lost to Nas.

To think, there was a time when Nicki Minaj was considered a great rapper. Pretending that Nicki Minaj wasn't just the best female rapper (which is not much of an accomplishment), but the best rapper alive, period, was one of the most powerful, effective forms of virtue-signaling as recently as, like, five years ago. It was the 2012 equivalent of crafting a think piece about what Migos could possibly have meant when they responded to the (shocking) news that Makonnen is gay with a collective, "Eww!" Or whatever's hot on Twitter this week. (Don't go on Twitter.)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Remember when Nicki Minaj was threatening to not show up to Summer Jam because my bestie Peter Rosenberg suggested that no one at the underground stage, out in the parking lot, wanted to listen to "Starships?" If Nicki Minaj threatened not to show up this year, they could replace her with almost anyone. They could have Papoose come out and do a set. He's usually backstage anyway; security at Summer Jam can't tell one black guy from another. As discussed in the prophetic No Country for Black Men, Nicki Minaj was essentially replaced, a few years ago, by Iggy Azalea, who's since had problems with her own fake ass and, incidentally, hasn't had a hit in a few years.