Bangless Bang Bang Meringues and the “Double Meh” Cake

“WOW, HE HAS EVERYTHING. DEVASTATINGLY GOOD LOOKS, UNHUMAN CONTROL OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, ATHLETICISM, COURAGE, WOODLAND CREATURES TO PERFORM HOUSEKEEPING CHORES… AND HE BAKES.”

…and humility. I see you forgot to think how amazingly humble I am, not that I’m one to point it out or anything.

And, while most of that is true…

Lest you think I’m perfect or anything my husband did manage to pinpoint a character flaw just this weekend.

We had been running errands all day…

Now, let me preface this with saying… We ALL know how couples get when they spend a lot of time running errands, and even though they love each other deeply…

…things begin to chafe.

You know, little things like asking too many questions, circling the parking lot looking for the peeeeeeeeeeeeerfeeeeeeeeect parking spot, and breathing too loud… all start to be annoying.

Well…

On the way into the store he looked at me and said:

“You know, there is something that bugs the crap out of me today. You get out of the car too slow.”

“Well, OK then… I didn’t know it was a race.”

And see…

…well…

My reply was a rather catty remark because I had just told him that it annoyed ME how fast he walks.

Seriously though, it’s like a race… like someone just announced over the intercom at K-Mart that there was a huge diamond hidden somewhere on isle 23, and we are currently on isle 5.

I get out of the car slowly. Duly noted. ✔️

We continued about our business because… that’s what loving couples do.

Venting is healthy.

Snark feeds the soul.

Would I let it slide?

…of course not.

As we drove to our next stop, I readied myself. The door was unlocked and ready to fling open. Once that car hit “Park” I had visions of one slick movement out the car door and triumphantly slamming the door shut even before he could turn the engine off.

I heard the gear shift click up to the “P” and I executed.

Door open… (not as far as I expected.)

Feet moving… (feet bigger than expected. I have really big feet.)

Stand up and swing the door shut in total triumph… (not so much.)

My feet tangled and got wedged in the smaller than expected opening, and with one swift motion I dumped myself out the door and onto the parking lot, like Edina Monsoon from “Absolutely Fabulous”.

yeah.

I showed him…

It’s definitely what he loves about me.

He of course instantly knew what I had attempted to do… he casually strolled around the car, helped me up, and said “Maybe you should take your time getting out of the car.”

See, things don’t ✨always✨go according to plan BUT they tend to work themselves out anyway. The point of that entire story was to illustrate how even the best laid plans go awry… like this entire week.

I got completely obsessed with making something edible out of Kombucha AND with putting Pop Rocks into Meringues. I wanted to make the Meringues JUST so I could call them Bang Bang Meringues. (See, its clever because it rhymes. Comedy 101.)

(Extra SevenRavensBakeHouse Points to you if you get the reference above…)

…on the floor baby.

Sadly, after 8 tries… Bang Bang Meringues are not a thing. I tried.

I mean… I made a lot of delicious meringues… they just didn’t go Bang Bang.

I’ve seen Pop Rocks stuck onto meringues with chocolate too… but I wanted them inside, so they popped unexpectedly.

I even tried aquafaba and a dehydrator. (Aquafaba, we will be playing again very soon…)

So my dream of exploding meringues just didn’t happen… but that’s ok. Maybe the world didn’t need an exploding meringue.

Mid week my attention turned to Kombucha.

Have you tried it?

Its…

…interesting.

It’s fermented and pungent and oh-so hip right now. It’s supposedly soooooo healthy that it cures everything from heartburn to kidney stones.

I tried it.

I was NOT expecting it to be sooooo…

…fizzy.

Just a side note: ✨WHO✨ First looked at this stuff and said “I’ll drink that”?

Oh …probably someone crazy like me.

I can not walk past any new flavor combo, whether it’s a drink, food, or snack and not try it.

Every year I buy the Lay’s Potato Chip flavors…

you know the flavors…

…the “Customer Suggested” flavors

I buy them fully understanding that it’s a gimmick AND that they will be disgusting and no good.

I’m pretty sure “Pepperoni Dogfart” won that year…

I know…

I buy them just for the flavor adventure… so I definitely would be the person who said “Wow, that fermented tea smells horrible, there’s a film of scum on top and it’s bubbling. Sure! I want to taste it.”

Oh my yuck…

Kombucha isn’t for me, but I got obsessed with making it into a cake. I don’t know why certain things fascinate me. They stick in my brain till I do something with it. Kombucha and Pop Rocks had a good run this week…

My first experiment was a disaster.

The Kombucha did NOT want to die. Look at it crawling out of the pan trying to get out of the hot oven.

The cake was… pretty.

However…

…It caused a bit of a “rumbly tummy” situation.

That’s never good.

I reworked the recipe a bit and produced a cake with an amazing texture… tasted “meh” but at least had no intestinal bubbling side effects.

I went ahead and whipped up a Kombucha Curd to go with the cake which magically transformed my “meh” cake into a “double meh” cake. It was cake. It’s tasted… ok, just… “meh.”

To make everything pretty, I used a few of my 4 million Bangless Bang Bang Meringues to decorate my “Double Meh” cake.

Bland personality but…

…at least it looks pretty.

So, I don’t have any shiny and new amazing recipes for you today. I guess wanted to show everyone that the creative process is sometimes messy and can be disheartening… but that what the learning process is all about. Explore. Learn. Create. Break the rules.

Have fun.

The week wasn’t a ✨complete✨ disaster because I made a Balsamic Strawberry Black Pepper Pop Rock Pavlova on Friday which was mighty delish…

3 Comments

This one almost killed me! It took me about 45 minutes to read it because I couldn’t stop laughing. When I laugh that hard my eyes tear and I can’t see to read. i lost my breath a couple of times and actually scared myself. Sorry your cake turned out just “Meh” but your blog was a masterpiece! 🤣