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Páginas

I'm supposed to tell another story today -- a jolly one -- but the fact that I read her reply changed my mood. I knew it. And I pretended I'm just being innocent and all. Life sucks. As a matter of perspective.

"Move on."

No more words to explain such statement as this one. No further clarifications. No argument. Just this. Accept the fact and let it blow you like dandelions dancing in the air.

Should I reply? No. It's better not to. I think it is better for me to go away and move on as well. It is funny to think that I've kept my feelings for her for so long, and eventually it will not turn out so well.

My consolation prize? "Well, at least I tried." (Can't believe I said that.)

How I wish back in those days when I walked her home the first time we met, I did not notice her eyes looking at me, telling me to ask for her number. None of this would've happened.

***

So as of today, I lost two handkerchiefs, one 8gb flash drive, three Pilot ballpens, my two students' exam papers, my salary (I sacrificed my own salary to suffice other expenses of my agency), and the person I love the most.

Hello. I am not an advocate of chain messages and of some sorts but this particular tagging game made me accept the fact that there's a first time for everything.

Before anything else, I would like to thank JenPonix about this, and of course, my fellow bloggers and followers who constantly read everything that I'm saying here in my blog -- even though most are pointless. A big thanks to you guys!

(I know, I know. Photos. We'll come into that soon.)

***

So for the tagging game, here are the rules:

- Post these rules- Post 11 random things about yourself- Answer the questions that tagger set for you in their post- Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer- Go to their blog and tell them they've been tagged

11 Random things about myself:

1. I hate hospitals.

2. All my personal things have their own names.

3. I'm melancholic.

4. It's almost six months since I played my piano.

5. I don't like this number.

6. A jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none fellow.

7. I have braces.

8. I long for a hug.

9. Hates traffic and being late.

10.Has a strong affinity with water.

11.I always gaze upon the night sky searching for Orion.

Answered questions of the tagger:

1. Would you rather be famous or rich?

-> Famous.

2. If you're a thing, what are you? Why?

-> A piano. I can make a person weep.

3. Tropical or 4-seasons? Why?

-> Four seasons. I want spring. :)

4. What is the biggest amount of money did you have in hand so far?

-> Five million pesos.

5. What's you greatest achievement as of now?

-> Being a CPA and an educator.

6. If I give you a thousand pesos, how and where will you spend it?

-> I'll deposit it.

7. Handsome & Poor or Despicable & Rich? Why?

-> The latter. There's a negative connotation about being poor but still handsome. It's a complex combination.

8. If you're going in an island, what are the 3 things you will bring?

-> A pad paper, a box of pens, and a blanket.

9. Pluck or shave? Why?

-> Shave. Period.

10. What's your greatest romance fantasy?

-> Playing the piano for the girl of my dreams.

11. What's the best ever present you received and from whom?

-> A picture of me and my brother. He gave it to me after I passed the board exam.

The road to my own emancipation is nonetheless difficult, abysmal, and uncertain.

I did not see her yesterday. That's a fact. As early as four in the morning, I knew she wasn't coming. And even though I knew that for certain because of her twitter account, I still went to church and pray.

It is sad. My heart almost fell from my chest because of excruciating pain. She's not there. She's far away and I cannot accept the fact that she's gone. Gone in my life? No, we never had this...this, that kind of thing. We just clicked like a door lock, and parted with a huge block. And our little romance barely two years ago? Nah, it's now history.

I know she moved on. Why wouldn't she? I'm just an empty shell, and she knew that. I am a vessel with no core inside. No living thing. No such thing. I feel so, so... empty.

I know that this day will eventually come. A turning point, nonetheless. Of course, I love. All of us do. It's the quintessential aspect of being a human. Very subjective, treacherous, steep, and most importantly, unpredictable. I rarely speak about my love life. And for the obvious fact that I don't disclose for that matter does not necessarily mean I am a cold-hearted guy that spends most of his time in front of the computer working like a horse. I do love. But when I do, I tend to be melodramatic. Seriously.

If the tip I received is undeniably correct, I would be able to see her or even talk to her tomorrow in the church where we first met. It is almost two years since I saw her face, her smile, and heard her cheerful voice. She sings, too. Barbara Streisand songs, if I remember it clearly.

Her hair that moves in the summer wind. Those eyes attentively watching the world around her. The way she dresses. Damn, I cannot stop thinking about her. It's so painful. Everyday I read her tweets on twitter to know a thing or two about her. Her problems, thoughts, achievements -- I secretly compile them inside my head. A stalker? You can say that. I'm such a coward, right?

What's my plan tomorrow? Simple. Tell her what I really feel for her. I don't care her reactions would be. It's time for me to be free. To be free from this torment.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, right? Sadly, I do not have any dates. Except our family dinner at 10pm, that is. Anyway, here's my story.

One of my students said in front of the class yesterday that he's too thankful that they have me as their lecturer. I undoubtedly asked why, of course.

"Because other professors bring thick books before entering our class and they discuss it impromptu. While you sir, you come to our class with a big old backpack, a water tumbler, and a handkerchief. You keep your things away in a corner and takes two or four chalks, an eraser, and a piece of paper. You seriously know what you're teaching unlike others."

I laughed a little after he said that. Flattered. That's the word. Although I wanted him to explain further what on his mind, I smile and said,

"I was a student once. And back from high school, there was this female professor in our bookkeeping class who stand tall like me, smiles a lot like me, and brings a hanky like me. She often armed herself with two chalks, and a tissue paper. No gigantic books whatsoever. She's single, too."

We all laughed. To be frank, I suddenly miss that professor after cherishing the memory. I was her top student back then and there are times when she would call me and answer her questions making my words stutter because of shyness and nervousness. Oh, nostalgia.

After that negative emotion I build up yesterday, I realized that over-thinking about it will bring no good for myself. It's time to let it go and face the sun for a bright new day.

I am a big fan of My Chemical Romance. Songs like Helena, Disenchanted, I Don't Love You became my addiction from the undergrad up to the review school last year. Even as I write this, I do not consider of breaking the bond I made with their songs.

Bookmarked! I strongly believe that songs, whether pop or country or rock, serve as a marker in our lives. They are left behind that whenever we hear them, we remember something or someone out of the blue. This is true for a typical guy like me. So true. Will you believe that I keep playlist/s labeled with a person's name/s aside from the common labels like a band name or an album? I dunno when did I start to practice that kind of thing, so to speak.

Months before I took the board exam last May, I found out this song of MCR from their latest album, Danger Days:

This song became my battle cry during those days. I keep telling myself that I'm not a kid anymore and will not stay forever. That it is time for me to end my lack of courage and shyness. That this marks the day that I will always remember.

I ventured the road towards my dream and found out that it's just the beginning. A new light shined upon the road-end and another adventure is yet to come.

Many will pass me by as I'll take the road and simply nod at me. Others will converse as well as argue with me due to different perceptions and ideas. And only a few will walk beside me to support each other's back like the good old Spartan code.

***

Finally, departing from the "career side" story about the song, there was this girl last year (who is undoubtedly taken) that always sit beside me outside the classroom before the review session start. It's simply impossible that it's purely coincidence because it's too damn early in the morning - 6:00 AM - and with too many chairs around the vicinity, she would always place herself beside me. I always offer her my breakfast along with a few candies but fails to accept it. She's too weird. And I like her for being that way.

I am in dire need of an inspiration because I tend to be frolicking everything I do. The worst case is, I somehow abscond and get the hell out of the situation fast leaving my workplace in a horrible mess. (Wait 'til you see my office desk.) Dear God, what's wrong with me?

Love life is not the utmost reason that causes me to act this way, in my opinion. It's someone or something else. I recalled a lore in American Gods where deities lose their powers and even their own existence because of one simple thing: menlosing their faith and rejects the idea of them being real.

Maybe I'm losing faith in myself.

(...therefore, you need a love life. Spice your life a little bit.)

I like someone here in the blog realm. She's cute and kind of smart. If only I could go there, look directly into her eyes ,shake her hand, and say, "Hello. Here's a bouquet of flowers. The first one I ever gave one."

Oh, I think that's too corny. Nevermind.

***

I was LSSed with this song! It's Bon Jovi! Shocked I was knowing that it's him. Yippee ki-yay!

I am so sorry if this post is not constructed clearly. Many thoughts came out and here they are. Silly of me.

Enter! I bravely fought the urge of buying a new tech gadget. Obviously, I failed.

After one freaking week with me doing reports and thinking about my current status in my job, I decided to go out and have myself emancipated and relieved. Today is the right time, indeed. No classes for me to lecture. No paper works to be made. Nothing. It's just me...and my brother, of course.

He asked me if we could watch the movie Chronicle which I am so happy to oblige. The flick turned out to be so cool, in my own opinion, despite other critics bashing it. I did enjoy it. But I think it's the bonding we had as brothers I enjoyed the most.

Moving along...

I was contemplating these past few days whether to buy Sony's next generation portable gaming device called PS Vita. With state of the art functions and capabilities, it's like I'm carrying my own PS3 unit and our LED TV all in one. So I did buy it. Losing about $500 dollars was not a joke. There goes my money. Down the drain because of my addiction. To video games, of course.