You Need To Know This Forgotten Quality Of The Longest-Lasting Relationships

The longest-lasting relationships all have one quality in common, but it is one that many people tend to completely forget. Be sure that you’re not one of those people and remember this forgotten quality so that your relationships will last longer and so that you will see more success, personally and as a couple with your significant other. In an article by the New York Times, the quality highlighted is the decision to have a “decisive marriage.” What?

Relationship researcher Galena K. Rhoades, from the University of Denver, co-authored a report that explains this finding and what it means. Rhoades describes a decisive marriage as one that faces the reality that, “Making decisions and talking things through with partners is important.” Furthermore, Rhoades emphasizes the importance of prioritizing decision-making by saying, “When you make an intentional decision, you are more likely to follow through on that.”

Research shows that the idea behind a decisive marriage being good is that couples who “thoughtfully” make decisions have that decision-making “have a lasting effect on the quality of their romantic relationships.” What this means, what the study found, is that, “Couples who are decisive before marriage – intentionally defining their relationships, courting and planning a wedding – appear to have better marriages than couples who simply let inertia carry them through major transitions.” By choosing to make decisions rather than allow decisions to just happen to them, many couples are seeing a positive change in their relationships.

When you are able to take control of what is happening in your relationship, as a team, you are able to make decisions that will move your relationship into a positive place. When you consciously make decisions, you are able to decide to better your relationship.

“While the finding may seem obvious, the reality is that many couples avoid real decision-making.” They let life happen to them – they don’t happen to life, which is a major mistake in cultivating a long-lasting relationship. “Many couples living together, for instance, did not sit down and talk about cohabitation. Often one partner had begun spending more time at the other’s home, or a lease expired, forcing the couple to formalize a living arrangement.” Sound familiar? It should. Whether it is because this happened to you or somebody you know, the reality is that it has become all-too-familiar of a trait of many couples to just move in when life dictates the decision be made. However, this can sometimes be the wrong move in a relationship.

The secret to the best, longest-lasting relationships is to discuss these kinds of decisions together with intention and purpose. If you move in together, do so when you have an actual, emotionally-driven reason to move in. Don’t do it just because rent will be cheaper. The study proved, as Dr. Rhoades explained, “Couples who slide through their relationship transitions have poorer marital quality than those who make intentional decisions about major milestones.” When you can take control, together, of your relationship – you can ensure that the right decisions are being made at the right time with the right intention.

Honesty is key in a relationship and while we all know this to be true, don’t let it slip your mind that honesty with yourself and your own intentions with transitions throughout your relationship is also key.