Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Confronting my fears and insecurities

It has recently come to my attention that I am raising two daughters. Okay, so I kind of knew that, but what sort of snuck up on me is that I have to raise these girls to be "Ladies." *groan*

I spent much of my life running as far as I could from any semblence of lady-like behavior. Ask me to act like a lady and for your efforts you'd recieve a nasty look and possibly witness a purposeful act of unlady-like behavior. My aversion to acting like a lady ran so deep that at age eighteen I shaved my head and began wearing clothes from the Mens department. At some point I even wore mens cologne.

It wasn't until I was married that I began to embrace my femininity. Now I wear my hair long (although with this summer heat I'm itching to cut it all off!!) and my skirts even longer. Yes, I have thrown off the burden of pants and embraced the freedom of long flowey skirts. BUT I spent a lifetime (well...over 20 years at least) cultivating a persona encompassing the way I walk, the way I sit, the way I talk, the way I laugh....Okay, so knowing me you're probably *not* thinking, damn that girl's butch! But, you also *know* I am not the most lady-like woman you have ever met!

And.....deep in my heart I still harbor that subversive streak that echews all things lady-like.

And now! I have to raise two girls in the ideals of femininity and that means confronting what true, desirable femininity means to me. So I'm thinking and I'm wondering what IS it about being a Lady that I find so offensive?? And what I've come up with is this: NOTHING. IF the ideals of womanhood are not taken to an extreme. And in my life I have *often* seen this to be the case.

Examples:I believe a Woman should be neat and well groomed. Taken to an extreme, this is a woman so focused on her appearance that other things (like FUN) fall by the wayside. A Real Lady is not afraid to get a little dirty or disheveled. Her hair might be set upon leaving the house, but that doesn't mean she can't put the top down on the convertible!!

I believe a Woman should be soft-spoken and temperate in her speech. Taken to an extreme we see woman who are downcast, who mumble, and who judge every word their fellow women speak. What's the point??

See where I'm going with this?

To be fair, and I freely admit this, the above are areas where I fall far short of the ideal of Womanhood. I have (purposely so in my youth) cultivated a habit of sloppy dress and loud intemperate speech. If I am to instill the ideals in my daughters, I first need to work on myself. Part of that is really believing that the ideal I speak of is worth striving for. Fortunately, for possibly the first time in my life...or at least the first time I was open to recognizing it!!...I have models of Feminity that I am not afraid to imitate.

So...here's my list of other Feminine Virtues that I want to pass on to my girls. If you have any to add, leave a comment!!

My Ideal Woman is Gracious, Warm, Open, Charitable, exhibits a Quiet Authority, a Softness, Grace, is Hardworking, Even tempered, Diligent, Organized, Flexible, Spontaneous, and Thrifty. She excels in (or at least is familiar with) the domestic arts of cooking/baking, sewing and perhaps knitting or crochet.