Lots of brillaint nuggets in your post; your expletive tells alot. Last time; how can a player who "can't skate" lead all defenceman in the NHL in hits? Here is a little hint for you, in order to hit people, mobility and positioning is an important asset.

According to your description, pretty much anyone here could be an NHLer according to you? Truly amazing how a player with no mobilty and speed, and who can't even skate, always leads all defencemen in the NHL (even the lighter weight mobile ones that can skate, as you described earluer) in hits? Truly amazing.... Your avatar is very accurate, you are most certainlly a rare one indeed.

Yes that's exactly what I meant. Any Joe blow can strap on a pair of skates and play in the NHL.

Of course I didn't. I thought that the minimal requirement of at least being a professional hockey player at least the calibre of AHL player did not need to be stated. Turns out I was wrong.