Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Pretty Soon I'm Going to Feel GREAT! Right???

7:20 - Haul my sorry ass out of bed and collect slippers & bathrobe.
Shuffle into kitchen to complain about the measly share of coffee left for me.
Cuddle with cute fuzzy dogs while drinking ½ cup of coffee.
Wonder about breakfast.

7:50 - Wave goodbye to the boys and make more coffee.
Wonder if there’s a cigarette anywhere in the house.
Eat a Nicotine Lozenge.
Turn on the computer. Reach for my cigarettes. FUCK ! ! ! Don’t panic. Breathe.

8:10 - Pace the house.
Wonder if there are any cigarettes in my car.
Turn on a DVD a friend loaned me. More coffee and eat meds.

8:30 - Pause DVD.
Pace the house.
Do a load of laundry.
Hmmm, I used to keep a stash of cigarettes in the laundry room for secret smoking when my Mom came to visit.
WHAT THE FUCK? What the hell do non-smokers do with their hands and mouths when they are not smoking? I know there will be some sexy ideas, but remember, I’m all by myself and my flexibility has it’s limits.

8:45 - Check e-mail and blog for a bit again.
Eat another lozenge.
Is it too early for lunch?

9:10 - Reach for a cigarette. FUCK ! ! ! Don’t panic. Breathe.
Pace.
Scream (lots of profanity. Profanity even I, who cus like a sailor, would be embarrassed to type out on the written page - Thank for the tip Average Joe).
Calm the dogs down after my screaming fit.
Sing with Starbuck (the Coonhound / Lab).

10:15 - Get things together to leave for the day.
Where are my cigarettes? FUCK ! ! ! Don’t panic. Breathe.

10:30 (NOW) - Yellow Pages: I’m looking up the number for the best hair stylist in town. If I make it through the next 10 days, I’m getting my hair done. I’m making the appointment now. If I smoke between now and then, I’ll cancel the appointment. But, I’m not going to smoke. Some things are more important than smoking, like really good hair … and shoes.
Hey, if I make it a month, maybe Chick will help me pick out a new pair of Mary Janes.

Theresa,Tobacco is the hardest to quit -- even harder than hard drugs (I know). You are doing a tough thing. It will get easier. I spent a couple of months compiling a list in my mind of reasons to quit, and it got pretty long. All of the reasons were the obvious ones -- I'm sure you know them -- but they carry more weight when you take them all together.One thing I did that helped me: I chewed toothpicks. Specifically Thursday Plantation Australian Chewing Sticks. They are infused with Tee Tree Oil, a very strong (and grown-up) flavor. I found them in a health food store. I stuck one in my mouth instead of a cigarette whenever I had the urge. So not only did I look like Clint Eastwood, with my pick dangling from the corner of my mouth, but I always had something to do to satisfy my oral fixation.I'll just leave that pin standing. You can knock it down if you want.

Kayten: Those shoes are great! I'm already 5'9" with-out shoes. I'll be about 6 foot tall in those babies. Ha! I love high-heels! With shoes like that, just think of the power I will have over those pathetic little nicotine urges.

Chick - We will have to do some serious on-line shopping. We can share our best discoveries and then pick together. - Are you sure you want to give up chocolate? What will your brain live on inbetween sexual experiences?

Goldfish Shoals - When I get big, I want to be just like you!

Larry - Thank You!!!!What a great idea. We have a fabulous Co-op grocery store in town. If they don't have the toothpicks, they'll get me what I want.

I was a Substance Abuse counselor for 2 years. I understand a lot about addiction. Whatever it is that makes you decide the consequences of using aren't worth the effect of the drug is different for everyone. I agree, there are a lot of reasons not to smoke. The only reason to do it is because I like the way it makes me feel. For now, I'll just feel cranky and surly, and I'll try a few other things to deal with my oral fixation.

Thanks to all of you. I really can't tell you how much reading your messages helps me. I've actually distracted myself with thoughts of shoe shopping when I wanted to smoke. And, I wasn't nearly as cranky as I let on because you make me laugh.

I've gone since December 6 without a cigarette. I quit because I was in the hospital for seven days for pneumonia and pleurisy and coughing up blood seemed like a good incentive at the time. I know that my mind is playing sick delusional games with me now, because I'm thinking it would make me feel better to start smoking again. At least then I wouldn't be eating all the food in the house on a day-to-day basis.

I'm glad you aren't crabby, T--wish I could say that was true for me, too, but it's not. I'll just get me some of those toothpicks and try to chew on those instead of being a raging bitch toward my poor hubby.

There are a lot of degrading words used to describe girls and women. One of them is “Chick.” Since we rarely resemble small fuzzy farmyard animals, this term is rather absurd. Instead, we've reclaimed the word, reformatted it and are offering a new and improved definition. See the 1st post, Hot Chiks Code, in the Oct. archives.