Your daily dose of all things irritating

Selection Anxiety with Coca-Cola Freestyle

I like the idea of the Coca-Cola Freestyle and I love the options but it’s not worth the anxiety attack. Once you get to the front of the line you are inundated with a plethora of options for configuring your beverage. As you are pushing buttons a line begins to form with anxious patrons with lids half cocked waiting to fill their containers with carbonated corn syrup and artificial flavoring

I’m all for consumer options but this machine basically causes a traffic jam. I’ve even seen these in airports, a place where there is enough traffic. I am a bit disappointed that there’s no button for an extra shot of caffeine, which would turbo charge any beverage selection. This would also be a great product placement for a Xanax button for a shot of relaxation. This would ease the anxiety about the 5 people in line waiting to stab you in the orbital socket with a bendy straw.

JUST PICK ONE!

While great in theory the execution can be painful. If you have these in your restaurant then at least have two. People have enough trouble retrieving sporks and straws and now you present them with thousands of flavor combinations?

Think about what flavor you want beforehand. There is nothing more frustrating that watching someone hunt and peck for Orange Flavored Sunkist when it’s not even a Coke product. Have an additional dispenser for just ice and water, this will speed up the queue and reduce the glacier of ice that has formed because of trigger happy customers. I would also be nice if these machines could detect the type of drinking vessel so that you don’t cascade the soda over the cup onto your hand. Or maybe just have one size for this machine and tune it for proper filling.