I know that might seem like a contradictory thought. However, when anger comes up it’s usually because there is an issue that needs addressing or a problem that needs solving. Anyone who’s ever had a fight, (which is pretty much anyone at all) knows the energy of anger itself is not conducive to problem solving. The best solutions just don’t flow from anger.

Now I know there is a lot of pop psychology right now that talks a lot about expressing yourself, without holding back, and I’m all for that. However, I am a proponent of expression with a clear head at the right time, which is rarely in the red hot moment. Even if that angry exchange feels good on the spot, the longer-term outcome of an outburst isn’t likely to get you where you want to go. Not to mention, it’s hard to truly express yourself when you’re ramped up and raging. How many times have you had the experience of wishing you’d said something different or something else in a fight, after the fact?

Additionally, those kinds of exchanges, under the current are usually about trying to get the other person involved to do something, or say something in that red hot moment that will make you feel better. Putting that responsibility on someone else isn’t ever going to actually work.