At Your Service: Top 10 Etiquette Tips for Restaurant Servers

3. Don't act impatient
When restaurants have a high turnover, and you need to make rent this month, it can be tempting to get diners in and out quickly in order to make more tips. But it's kind of rude. I've written previously that diners need to leave in a timely manner once their meal and drinks are finished, but don't start clearing the table if they're still munching on dessert. Subtly placing the check on the table once you're sure no one is ordering anything else is fine, and I like having the check ready instead of being forced to ask for it multiple times. It's fine to want to get rid of me; just don't show that you want to get rid of me.

2. Don't eat or drink leftovers
OK, this is something I probably wouldn't ever see you do, but my dad told me he used to do it all the time when he was a poor, starving waiter, and just thinking about it totally grosses me out. "This guy would order a steak, eat two bites and then say he was done and leave," my dad explains. "So we'd cut off the part he bit into and eat the rest. You can't let good steak go to waste!" I don't know, Dad, I really think sometimes you can. It's not that I don't want to share my food or anything. And honestly, it doesn't affect my life one way or the other if you eat my leftovers. It's just kind of gross. And I doubt any decent manager would approve. So just befriend a chef in the kitchen and get yourself some good leftovers. Please.

1. Smile and be polite
This should be obvious, but it's amazing how many surly servers I've encountered out there. Like I said before, I know it's often a thankless job. Customers treat you like crap. You don't make as much money as you should. But part of the job is customer service, and it's difficult to give good service if you seem like you're in a foul mood. I have many friends from theater who wait tables (cliché, I know), and they've perfected acting like they're in a good mood, even when they're not. So put on a smile! Act happy! Sometimes, pretending to be happy actually improves your mood. And I promise it'll improve your tips.

Now I have an etiquette question for you: How do you feel about the terms waiter versus waitress? Is it necessary to differentiate by gender? Should everyone be called a waiter? Should everyone be called a server? What do you think it the proper terminology?

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Is it possible to politely ask the restaurant guests not to put their half eaten food on my guest's table? An elderly couple on my table Valentine's day had half eaten nachos deposited on their table by the guest in my neighbor's section.He thought it was ok. I tactfully reminded him it was my guest's table, he refused to remove it or let me wrap it for him. Nothing was done, of course, he felt completely right. We cannot "educate" the guest. Elderly guests were victimized! People weren't even shocked! Is this the best we can do???

Good article, and I liked the section on not sitting at the table to take the order. I understand being friendly, but I don't understand why some waitresses act like best buds at sports bars. However, the one thing I really don't understand is when the waitresses cater to the man and not his female guest. The guy may be a regular at the bar and pays the bill a majority of the time, but I think the woman should be given equal attention. Yesterday, I was at a sports bar with my boyfriend and friends of ours, and the waitress took his drink order first and his lunch order first as well. To take the lunch order, she sat down next to me and skipped over me to ask my boyfriend what he wanted. Thankfully, he deferred to me and asked what I wanted. Granted, he had been a regular there, as well as our friends/neighbors, but I was sitting next to her and looking straight at her. I don't go there as often as they do, but I don't think its is fair to be treated as an after thought.

I am a server @ a fast paced restaurant if you hold a table up during lunch rush then please tip accordingly. There are more servers on the floor during this time & sometimes we have only 3 table sections. If I could have waited on 4 other tables it is very rude to keep my table & leave a crappy tip. I have also been short on help & have had guests upset over stupid stuff like your burnt bacon isn't burnt enough & you're upset because the eggbake you ordered is baked & not scrambled then I am sorry but after 3 years of serving @ this restaurant I know you are upset @ things out of my control & I Will Not sit there & baby you when you are not going to leave a good tip & I have 5 other tables down with menus that I could make good $$ from. Or I could spend time babying you & have 5 other tables mad. Which makes more sense if you had to pay bills with this $$?

I have a lot of requests because I have learned to listen to the guests & respond accordingly. Some don't like to be bothered, some are lonely & want conversation.

NO NOT INSULT ME BY TELLING ME THE PRICE UNLESS I ASK! Really what could be more insulting than a server looking down at me and my guests and telling us the price of every item...like can we afford it! PLEASE PLEASE do not give me the price.unless I ask.....McDonalds is just down the street folks go there if your worried about PRICE!

If I keep putting lemons on the table, stop bringing more lemons when you refill my iced tea and if you see the whole glass is full of ice, feel free to stop pouring more ice into my drink when you refill it.

Yesterday at a certain Montrose Tex-Mex restaurant my wife and I had two servers stand right next to our table and list off reasons to each other why they couldn't take care of us before one of them finally turned to us and said "Hi, I'll be taking care of you."

Don't fight over us or anything, geez! We're super easy and good tippers. I've run a few wine bars and was a damn good waiter before then. I know when you're giving me attitude.

I'm with you on everything except number 2. Can't say we ever finished a patron's left over drinks (except maybe wine from an unfinished bottle), but the bus-tub buffet was a regular part of all our (well, the waiters anyway) routine back in the day. Not in front of the customers, of course.

Waiting is HARD work. Mutha' McClellan raised me and my sister on diner tips and I have nothing but RESPECT for waiterstaff. I've done restaurant work from dishwashing to prep, to line cook but never waited. Some folks have the gift--and it is a gift--for customer service, the rest of us need walls and appliances between us and the customers.

It's reasuring to me that I've only seen one or two instances of over-chummy servers--projecting their winning personalities to others--and none of the other behaviours listed here. But then I'll bail on a restaurant in a second if I have a moment's doubt about hygiene, food, or service. I took a date to Joe's Crabshack in the 90s and the waiter cracked wise with me at the door. We left for a joint down the street and I've never gone back. I honestly think that among the myriad other things that sunk Sierra Grill, poor service was at the top of the list. Meanwhile Danton's--at an equally awkward location--thrives in no small part due to the wonderful service.

Great article, Ms. Steinberg. Oh, and we're right here--fingers to eyes--on the touchy-feely bit. No touchy, no touchy!

@jamesbtowle Actually I feel awkward if I have to ask the price. We went to a very nice steak house and the server told us the specials. My fiancee ordered one. We were shocked on the bill to find the Waygu $69.99. If you explain all the specials and the prices at the same time, it's not being offensive or demeaning or judging, it's just stating the price so a customer doesn't have to feel lame asking.

@sugarpie Yeah, I don't know how prevalent it really is, but I'm sure my dad appreciates me announcing publicly that he used to finish customers' steaks off their plates. So gross, Dad! The unfinished bottle of wine I can totally get behind though.

@MadMac Well you know... that banter at Joe's was/is part of the schtick. They sing and dance too so's you know you're having fun. Talk about a difficult gig. And yeah, Danton's wait staff are as fantastic as the food.

The "no touching rule" goes both ways also. I cringe when I see someone grab a server (that is what I call them, you sexist KS) especially if it's a woman. Just don't. I'd club someone that did that to me.

@MadMac Haha glad you approve! I'm sure waiting tables is crazy hard work, and most people take it seriously and are able to support themselves and their families doing so. But yeah, just don't touch me! (PS. Is that an Arrested Development reference?)

@lisa.a.odonnell@jamesbtowle well I see that can happen...I have asked but I usually call the waiter to me and do so in a low tone as not to involve the other guests....I have done this when I order french wine that is aged...there is a great deal of price difference from restaurant to restaurant depending upon their reputation.....

Yeah, I watched guys paw all over a poor woman serving drinks at the old Sky Bar while she professionally pushed their hands away. That was assault and they need to be clubbed like fish. Seriously am I the only dude who's ever been maced?