Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Confidence is when a kid looks at you and says "You have a big belly", you look back and say “I'm still pretty though.” And you BELIEVE it.

I BELIEVED it…

This past Saturday my mother and I were at Home Goods (which I love because it’s about home décor and I could spend HOURS looking for stuff for my home. Don’t believe me?? I have over 10 BOXES of home goods in my parents attic waiting for me to move out :P) and we were looking for sheets. A woman and her daughter (who was no more than 3 years of age) walked by and she said (exact words) “OMG she is fat. OMG you are fat. I’m just making up words.”

(First of all, if you were just MAKING UP WORDS then you wouldn’t say that you are… You had to have heard your mother say those lines. And when you repeated them she qualified them by saying “Oh she’s just making up words”. THIS isn’t about you this is about my revelation that I love myself for the first time in 26 years.)

I didn’t say anything.

I did what I normally do and went to my mother with my wounded heart and told her what the child said and tried to run. My mother confronted the child and her mother. The child apologized (though crying through a Mississippi River of FAKE tears) and everyone went on their way.

But it hurt. IT HURT. BAD. I’m 26. I thought we were past the age where kids say things like that. I thought I was at the age where I am seen as an adult so saying things like that is a No No!!

But that isn’t the end… No my lovelies. It is not.

That night we went to a restaurant. Mind you it was a buffet. My family doesn’t frequent these places. Not because of what we will look like but because we eat too much and we don’t like the way we feel after we eat that much. (I’m telling you. I could stay skinny if I didn’t already have 200 extra lbs on my body… And yes I said it b/c I can be honest with you and more importantly ME and say that it’s there.) But we had decided to go there b/c sometimes we just have that knack. So we went. When we got there and sat down another woman, her husband, daughter and her boyfriend sat down to have dinner. When they visited the buffet they came back. The mother took one look back and commenced to talking about my mother and I.

Now I am not the type of person that will cause confrontation. I will give you everything I have in my possession before I will fight you. My mother is the EXACT opposite. The boyfriend was trying so hard to fit in that he kept looking at us and laughing. As soon as my mom stared him down he went into uncomfortable zone. Fidgeting in his seat. Looking everywhere but at us, or even the people at his own table. (Even though this woman gets up and she looks like she is 60 but is probably only 45, she coughed and sounded like she extracted a lung right at the table, her teeth were so bad I have no CLUE how she was able to eat her food without swallowing clumps of tobacco. But it’s not about her either.) My mother invited her to our church and everyone went on their way.

I still didn’t say anything…

and it STILL hurt…

It was not until that little 8 year old girl that was in my mentoring center today looked at me and said “You have a BIG BELLY.” was I able to say “but guess what?? I’m pretty though.”

I walked out of that place feeling better than I have in all of my life. Why you ask? Because I didn’t run and hide like a little kid. I stood up for myself. I gave ME a chance. Because I finally appreciate myself for what I have to offer. What I can give. What has been given to me. So what if I have a BIG BELLY… I can fix that. You can fix an ugly face, or a mean personality.

I had an older brother. He died of a heart attack a month before his 21st birthday. He was a good looking guy, heavy, and could sing like a mockingbird. But one thing that he always said “yeah… I’m big. But I’m pretty though.” I never understood how he could say or think that until now.

I keep myself clean, most big people I know don’t. I keep my hair done; most women I know only know about 3 hairstyles that they rotate. I have beautiful hair, skin, and nails. Though they are small they mean a lot when you see them on a voluptuous woman. I am a woman. A great woman.

AND I LOVE MYSELF.

Like my mother always said “You need to love yourself because if you don’t then no one else will.”

Here is a song for all my pretties... Sorry for no pics. I need a new camera. :/

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Things around these parts have been crazy and hectic. I have been remodeling my room AND attempting to keep my grades up... We shall see how they BOTH go when I go back to school from spring break.. YES... Spring break the 2nd week of March. But like I care I needed to catch up anyway :D

But anywhooo I come to you for a very serious matter...

Who wants $20??

I know I do!! I don't care if it's only half a tank of gas now (really I about PASSED out when I went to the pump last night) I WANT IT!!!

This one is more specific though... It's with eShakti. You have all seen my review of the dress that I got from them here. Well now they have given me my own personal code- Shani626. And guess what?? I can share it with you!!! Perks of always buying clothes I guess ;)

Here are some of the great dresses that they have for Spring 2011

Note that for all of their dresses you have the option to buy them by size or custom make them to your body for a small fee. There are other options that you can select like the dress length, sleeve type and length and neckline. But these features aren't available for all of their dresses.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

So I am sooo excited about this giveaway!! It's by Christina from Randomness a la mode. She's really sweet and I recommend that everyone follow her. But anywhoo... She is having a give away from CSN. $35 gift card. Which I want soooo bad.

Why? (you ask)

Because I am redecorating my room!! I checked out this site and here are some of the things that I am thinking about purchasing...

The Bed...

The bed that I have is this horrible bulky sinfulness that is made of wood and has sliding doors... SOOO 1980... GOTSTA GO!!

Bedding to go on the bed:

I was really saddened to see that this was out of stock in Full size :(

Then I found this and all was right in the world :) *sigh

I will however be throwing in some pink in there... Some. where. every. where.

So I'm painting my dresser chest and night stand black. And will have pink sheers on the windows. But I need a mirror to go over the dresser because the one I have is of COURSE... Horrendous!!!

Oh YES my friends... Love at first sight!!

And of course if you are friends with me on facebook you must know about my new obsession to get rid of the ceiling fan that doesn't work and replace it with a small chandelier...

This one is actually smaller and cheaper than the one that I was looking at getting from gallery84.com. So it's a win-win!!

Soooo... Add in some odds and ends here and there on table tops and WALAAAA!!!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Which was a miracle within itself because we were supposed to have this big ice storm.

Which didn't come til late tonight.

But this is my first class on Mondays.

Well not exactly this. Everyone was already gone.

But something like this

Gosh, It's good to get back to that schedule!!

I'm going to try to take some picks of my campus so everyone can see how wonderful it is. Really it's old and beautiful. Fits my mood perfectly. I love it. The camera's I have won't do it justice but I shall try.

Friday, January 7, 2011

So today was basically a cleaning day. This was the look of the day. I did look like this but it was a little sloppier.lol I stayed at home and cleaned. Then I sat at the computer for HOURS trying to think of what I'm going to do with my room... I think I have a general idea now I just need about $5000 for a new bed and mattress set. Everything else won't cost that much ;)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Sooo... Yesterday I wanted to make a post but blogger wouldn't let me... Really sad, I know. But anywhoo here is the first outfit of the year!!! It isn't really dressy and I wore it to work today. But I felt cute... This is actually a dress that I got during the summer but I decided to make it winter appropriate with a jean jacket, faux suede boots and brown scarf.

Dress- Lane Bryant (summer 2010)

Boots- Macy's (Winter 2009)

Tank Top and jean jacket- Avenue (I have had them both so long I have no clue when I got them. But the tags say they came from the same place.)

Here is a picture of the jacket so you can kind of get an idea of what it all looked like together. Good thing it wasn't freezing because I chose to wear this without tights. But if it had've been any colder I would have frozen my legs off...lol

On to recent things... This year is going great. I started falling back into the habit of being late but after I realized what I was doing I made a point to get better so it's coming along. No shopping January is proven to be REALLYYYY hard. Especially since my store won a credit contest and every associate gets $50 to spend on anything in the store. REEEALLLLYYY hard.

Again I can't wait until school starts so I can stop sitting around the house all the time and doing nothing. I have a full work load again and I am going to try my best to keep my blog up. I am loving this cold weather and all but... I can't WAIT for summer to come again. I want to go to the beach every Saturday and have a good time... This past summer I had a good time just being me and this summer it's going to be even better.

I have spent most of my time wondering what I am going to do and how I'm going to do it but this time I have clear direction. I know that I am going to have a good year. I'm not expecting anything spectacular. I'm just going to have fun. No matter what anyone says.

This year I am creating myself.

My mom has been a fly on the wall all this time. She is telling me to get out there and make myself something. I am going to do that. I can't keep waiting for things to happen to me I have to make them happen. This year I will be making it happen... No matter how scared I am...

Oh! and I want a new camera... One of the fancy ones that you can take pictures from a long way away. That kind of camera.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

WOW!! I can't believe I made it through 2010 in one piece!! It was the hardest year I have had yet! Many challenges and obstacles. But also some happiness. One being MY BLOG!!!! I am so happy that I have a place where I can come express myself and show the world a bit of myself. Well... first I want to look back at 2010 and see the lessons that I have learned. I want to keep them on hand so that I will do better in 2011.

Lessons Learned in 2010:

1. Love yourself- Honestly when someone told me this I didn't listen. I am still well on my way but I am MUCH closer than I was 1/1/2010. At times this has been really hard but I'm getting better at it. If loving yourself means going to see SATC2 movie alone, DO IT. Buying smooth writing pens at the beginning of the semester, BUY THEM. Letting go of people that could care less about you, LET THEM GO! If you don't love yourself then no one else will. So take the time to love yourself.

2. Don't keep around people that make you feel less of a person. No one told me this. I went through a couple of months of depression because of this. They didn't want me around them and I was too nieve to see it. So then I felt like I wasn't good enough to have any friends, when the fact of the matter is I WAS good enough and still am. I wasn't loving myself by trying to be around people who didn't want to be around me. This includes boyfriend relationships as well as friendships. If there is one person that don't want to hang with you then there is 2 that do. You just have to find them. They are there.

3. Taking time away from your life is helpful. Sometimes you need to get away and relax so when you come back you will be refreshed and have a better perspective. If this means going to the beach 2 Saturdays in a row, DO IT. If this means having an appointment with all 6 seasons of Grey's Anatomy, A large bag of Doritos and your favorite drink, DO IT. I have always been an advocate for mothers to do that. But I have found we single women need it too...

4. Shopping for yourself and dressing everyday makes you feel better. There is nothing like finding that dress that fits you just right or getting up, putting on a nice outfit and going out where ever you have to go that day, or looking in a closet full of clothing and having something that fits your mood for that day. Even if it is only to class. Skip the sweats one day a week besides Friday and see how often you will want to do it more. There is NOTHING like sexy undergarments, nice pumps (or nice shoes) and curling your hair for the day to build your confidence.

5.Yeah so I thought I would have a #5 but I don't so we will skip this one...lol

So what does this mean for 2011?? In the past I have had resolutions that I didn't keep. So for the last 3-4 years I haven't made any at all. So in all of this I was thinking in what ways can I make 2011 a good year for me? After all I'm going to be 26!! Can you believe it?!?! I can't. So here are some resolutions that I am going to keep up with this year.

New Years Resolutions

1. Create myself.

For a while now I have been waiting for someone to tell me how to "find" myself and it's not happening. So from now on I will "create". Whatever I want to do I will do it. I won't sit around waiting on people who will never come around.

2. Stay off of Facebook before 7 pm. This isn't going to be hard because I won't let it be. In the past I have spent hours on FB and haven't gotten assignments done or gotten really behind on things. Time to break the cycle!! I'm turning 26 this year remember...lol

3. Update my blog more. I want to have at least 2 outfit posts a week and one lessons learned a week. This sounds like it isn't much but I promise you this is going to be hard for me. It isn't about getting material it's about taking the time to actually write. I don't have enough clothes that I can do a post everyday. My mom would probably say that I could but I don't think I can so we shall see how this goes for the time being.

4. Drink atleast 16 oz. of water a day. I actually started doing this over the summer but I stopped and I need to start again. It helps me feel lighter and makes my skin clearer so I'm doin it!! Yeah!!lol

5. No shopping for 3 weeks of every month. This is to get back on the financial track. I have been buying a lot of clothing that really isn't necessary so I'm going to stop. I love the clothes that I have. But for January I'm not going to buy anything. I need to start saving for Spring. I have BIG plans for spring!!!!

6. Be on time. I have been working on this and it is possible. I just have to go to bed on time to get up on time to be dressed and at class on time. See it's a cycle and I'm MAKIN IT HAPPEN!!!