Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I am reading the Stepmother by Carrie Adams. She also wrote The Godmother, which I review before and loved. So I am reading the Stepmother now. It’s a sequel to the Godmother, so I suggest you read the Godmother first. It’s so witty, funny and such an enjoyable book to read. I am breezing through it. I find myself laughing out loud!

I am currently listening to Shopaholic takes Manhattan by Sophie Kinsella. I am planning on listening to the whole shopaholic series. I realize I am a little behind; these books have been out for a while. When they refer to the year its 2000. Yeah, so I am 9 years behind, but I am really enjoying them. They also crack me up on the way to work.I really enjoyed all of Sophie Kinsella’s books. Remember me and Undomestic Goddess to name a few.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I just finished listening to Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs.I enjoyed this book so much. There was one part in the book that I actually taped on my cell phone so I could remember it. I wrote it down so I could really think about it. I have been struggling with God and wondering why he lets bad things happen. Why did he take two of my babies away? When I heard this, it put things into perspective and made me really accept what happened. Almost a year later from my second miscarriage I can say I accept it now.

One of the characters is sick and she talks to someone about God. He said this:

“These things happen. They are not cosmic tests; they are not retribution for all the naughty things you’ve done all your life. It’s just something wrong with the wiring.God cries when we are in pain. He cries with us and supports us. He stands back and lets us sort things out, lets the doctors do their work, lets your body heal itself.”

The lady asked, “And if it doesn’t?”

“Then he welcomes you home with open arms. He’s not about the body he is about the soul.”

These words touched me and made me really think about it. It was not something I did, I am not being punished for something I did when I was younger, it’s not something I could control, there was just something wrong with the “wiring”. Something must have not been right. God welcomed my litte ones home with open arms.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I had my pre op appointment yesterday. My doctor said she was very surprised at what she found when she did the surgery. She was surprised there was no septum. She was glad she did it though because she was able to clear up the scarring.She went over what she found with the testing I had done last month. She said there where a couple of things that were found and she thinks if we try to tweak some things it might help me have a successful pregnancy. These things wont hurt me and can only help. Unfortunately, I don’t think we will ever know why I lost two pregnancies. I am happy that she is aggressive in the treatment. Because of my lovely health insurance I can't have any treatments like IUI or IVF until June. That will make it a year since my second miscarriage. So for the next couple of months we will try on our own with these few changes.She said I have a MTHFR mutation, which is one abnormal gene. She said my body is producing enough folic acid but to be sure she wants me to take 4 mg of folic acid daily along with my PNV’s. She wants me to keep on taking the baby aspirin and she also wants me to on progesterone. I will take progesterone injections after ovulation for 2 weeks. If I am not pregnant I will stop taking them, if I am pregnant I will continue with the progesterone for about 10 weeks of my pregnancy. She also said that I ovulate early sometimes. So she wants me to use the OPK and start on day 8 because with the last ultrasound I was surging at day 10.So that’s where we stand right now. I feel very good about me getting pregnant and having a successful pregnancy. I feel confident that with making these changes it will help me. They certainly wont hurt me. I can’t help but think what a long journey it has been so far. I am staying positive and I truly believe it has only made me stronger. I think that whatever life throws at me I can handle it. I also believe this will also make me a better mother. I hope these few changes work. I am praying that we will be blessed with a baby.

Friday, April 10, 2009

I had the surgery yesterday. The doctor said I had no septum. She cleaned the scarring. She just called today to see how I was. I asked her how one doctor saw that I had a septum and she didn't.She said when a hysterscopy is done in the office they have very limited sight. But when you are under anesthesia its a bigger camera and she can move all around in there. She moved the uterus around and really got a good look at it all. She said my uterus is shaped kind of heart shaped and that is why it looked like a septum. I have very mixed emotions. In a way I am so happy because I can try right away but on the other hand I don't have any reason for miscarrying. So I am at square one.I am very scared to get pregnant again but I have faith that it will all work out.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I am not sure if many of you know this but I moved in November and I now have an hour commute in the morning to work. At first I hated it. Then, I started getting books on cd and love it. I actually look forward getting in my car and listening to a good book. I just like having that hour to myself to just get involved in a good book. I just finished listening to The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella. I enjoyed it so much. It was hysterical. I was laughing in the car. People must of thought I was weird cracking up driving to work. I loved the reader also she had a beautiful English accent and I just was so relaxed driving to work. I also just finished reading Confessions of a Shopaholic by her as well. I guess I am a little behind because these books have been out for a while now. I am planning on reading or listening to all of her books.

I am an avid reader. I always have a book by my night stand and love to read before I go to bed. I just enjoy going to another place and using my imagination and picturing these characters. I am now reading the new Adriana Trigiani novel Very Valentine. I just started it and I like it so far.Where I live now the library is right down the street. I live in a small community so if I want a book I put my name in and there is not a huge waiting list.

If any of you have some must read books please feel free to email me at arlpd@yahoo.com. I would love to hear for some suggestions.

Friday, April 3, 2009

I will be turning 34 on Sunday. I will be celebrating with family. My close family are coming to our house for dinner. I am looking forward to that. I am planning on having my nieces color Easter eggs. That should be fun for them. They can always make me smile and I love them so much.

I can't help but be a little sad also. I should of had a 4 month old with me to celebrate my birthday. I just pictured my life so much different than what it is. My last birthday I said oh next year I will have a baby with me. I can't help but think that I was supposed to be a mom already. My birthday wish will be the same as it was last year. Please bless us with a child this year. I hope this year it comes true.

I am also getting ready for surgery on Thursday. I think of it as one step closer to being a mom. If I just get it all fixed then I can move on and try to have a baby. I had my pre op appointment and the doctor explained everything to me. I am explaining this because I know some of you want to know what the surgery entails and what the recovery will be like.

She will take care of my scarring and will cut the septum. She will then put a balloon in there and it stays in for about a week. This prevents scarring and prevents the uterine walls to not close together. She said the surgery will take about an hour. I will have some cramping with the balloon in there. I of course asked her if I could workout and she said its up to whether it feels comfortable working out with it in there. She said she wouldn't spin because it will be uncomfortable on the bike. There will be a catheter attached to the balloon and it will hang out of me and she will attach it to my leg. Good thing its not summer because I wont be wearing a bathing suit!

I will then be given medication to prevent me from getting my period so the uterine walls can heal. So I am looking at 6 to 8 weeks of healing before I can try to get pregnant again.

I will keep you all posted on how it goes. I can't stress this enough, I know alot of women who have had miscarriages and they go do the testing and like my old ob/gyn, the doctor does not do a hysteroscopy just an HSG. This does not sometimes detect uterine abnormalities. It didn't with me because I have a tilted uterus. I went to a Reproductive endocrinologist(RE) and I urge you all to do the same. I think they are a little more thorough with the testing. If they don't do the hysteroscopy, please ask for it.

I wish you all luck and I hope we will all be mothers very soon. I am hoping my birthday wish gets to come true this year.

About Me

I am a 41-year-old female who is a wife, daughter, sister, aunt of 7 nieces and 3 nephews, friend, and finally,my proudest role, mother to my precious son, Luca and my daughter Arianna. Here is my story about finding love, dealing with recurrent pregnancy loss, infertility, and IVF. You are welcome to contact me at arlpd@yahoo.com