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To slow down the swing from its full zenith. As it comes to a gentle halt. So devoid of any joy. To stop to Nothing worth holding on.

Why did I ever get off? I should have held on to it longer, tighter. I should have swung higher than ever before and then higher than even that.

I should have jumped off right then. So I could not have felt the drudgery of leaving the swing behind in the playground.

Why did we ever grow up?

To think of mud as something filthy and dirty rather than see it as a world of possibilities; amazing things that it could be when we ploughed it with our tiny, nimble hands. Mud pies, melting castles or just something to squish around.

It would somehow find its way to our clothes and hair and faces and those joyous smiles peeking from underneath that grit and grime would be reflected in our mother’s when we would come back home with stories of our labours.

Why did we ever grow up. Why?

To not see your dear grandfather’s loving smile again. His booming laugh. His soft, wrinkled hands. To not smell his clothes that always reminded of powdered babies’ heads. To not be loved so unconditionally by anyone ever again.

Why. Did we ever grow up.

To wait for an unending hollow of merely existing. To yearn for a moment’s relief. A moment’s unhindered rest. The carelessness lost beyond imagination; of nothing to worry about in the world.

To look back on those golden days. And weep at them slipping through your fingers. Those days when all you ever wanted, was to grow up.

I just deactivated Facebook last night. Too much hate going on. Too much hurtful shit.
What’s more is that I was also a big part of it. I need to cleanse myself. Hopefully it is going to stick this time.

However I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms right now. I am checking my phone every few minutes and my thumb is swapping again and again where the Facebook icon or widget used to be.

It’s really annoying. I hope I get out of it soon.

The pros of taking this step are that I am able to work on more important things that I was just procrastinating with.

Like I am able to think of what to write as well. I am able to read more and study more. Work on my home more.

There are some things in life, that you can’t explain. You can’t explain why they happen. Why they happen to you and not to others or at times why they happen to others and not to you?

That’s called life.

I have been married for five years and seven days today. We don’t have children.

To anyone it might seem like no big deal, some even phase out as this length of time in their ‘planning to have fun before a baby’ time.

It is, however, a big deal to us. Because our lives have been a series of emotionally paralysing events and phases. One after the next.

I yearn for a catharsis. When will it come if what we desire doesn’t come? So this pain would go away…

Because I cannot seem to deal with any more of it. No matter how hard I try. How much more do I rip my heart open to be more accepting of others joys when I am lacking any in my own life?

All I want is this pain to end. To come to a stop.

So I can breathe. So I don’t have to be apologetic for something I cannot have from God. So I can learn to accept myself and others for what each one has.

I know there is no one reading this. Which is probably why I am letting my sorrows out here.

I am surrounded by people I love everywhere, and people who love me too. But this pain is only for me to share with my husband. It is only him who can understand what I got through because it is a pain that we carry heavy on our shoulders night and day.

However, his is greater. He lost his mother days after our wedding and he has been lonely ever since. Today is the day we found out that his stepmother is expecting a child.

I cannot fathom just what he must be going through right now.

Undoubtedly God works in mysterious ways. I never question it. I only pray for His Mercy and Forgiveness. I pray that He never forsakes us.

There is something good in this that I cannot understand right now. But I ask for that dawning to come on us, so we can let go of this pain. I want this sadness, this deep sadness, to leave us forever.

The stork is due for a visit the homes of many friends and relatives soon. So I am doing my homework.

There is nothing better than giving a gift which you made by yourself. I feel it is just a little but extra special. A bit of your heart goes into it, besides your time and effort.

I have set on the task of making blanket and cap sets for the coming babies. I am slowly working on my stash of wool and so I am clubbing larger quantity shades into cute combinations for girls or boys. Don’t want to stereotype, but unisex colours are limited and funny.

So I checked the colours I had and took some inspiration from the internet. There are plenty of amazing combinations.

These matched with the colours I had and I need to make four sets altogether for now.

So I made this first one using blue and fuschia. It turned out great!

It tuned out great. I just used simple sets of three double crochet stitches to make this granny like blanket. Didn’t follow any pattern, just went with the flow of it.

Anyhow, it was a 33 x 30 inch blanket that could be used for quite some time. I make a simple border of half moons to give the edging a finished look.

Once the blanket was done, I made a simple hat with a poufy pompom at the top. It looks so cute!

It turned out pretty neat so I set about making the next blanket. I call it the Pink Garden.

Here, I used fuschia, rose pink, white and a very beautiful leaf green.

This required more work than the previous one. I made individual squares, 48 of them and then as I worked on the green parts, I brought the blanket together.

Native American women used to make it for their children to have sweet dreams and that if any bad influencers like demons and Boogeyman (pun intended) came to disrupt them, the dream catchers would ward those suckers out.

They are usually hung over the bead posts.

Anyway, I didn’t make it because of particular folklore or traditional element. I made it because it looks so beautiful.

My bedroom walls are mostly bare because we just moved in a few months ago and the house still needs a lot of decor.

There is a shop close to my place which sells amazing things like feathers and other things you don’t normally find in other stationeries. So I grabbed these beautiful pink and white plumes for my dream catcher. I also wanted something to contrast so I got the whispy brown coloured feathers to provide that balance.

I am not a pro at it so I must have refered to at least ten videos and links as to how to go about it.

I wanted the same theme as my feathers because I have plenty of things to match with it like beads and pearls and little trinkets that I have added as details.

Also, to hang the trinkets, many tutorials suggested twine or leather strips. Leather, being more smooth gives a clean finish but twine can be used for a more rustic feel, I suppose. I should have used that too. I had some in my art and craft treasures.

Anyhow, hubby was away on a business trip and I was too spooked to sleep early. So I set myself to the task and finished the frames first.

It wasnt much work, I cut out some cardboard and then wrapped it with wool as close and neat as possible (while watching the sitcom Community).

Once my frames were compete, I started working on the weaving part with my pink silken thread. Here is an easy way to do it.

Before starting out, I marked the intervals as to where and how many spots should the weave align. For the bigger frame I marked 16 evenly spaced intervals and for the smaller frame, I opted for 9.

Then I began to weave. It wasn’t very difficult, best done with a sewing needle. As I wove the pattern, I also added the beads that I had, in random spots. It turned out pretty well.

Next, I attached the feathers and trinkets to the leather strips and also added matching beads to them.

I checked the overall look by roughly placing them on a flat surface along the frames to see how they would appear when finished.

Finally, taking a glue gun, I wound the prepped leather bits to the frame and attached them in a solid hold.

So there were two frames that I used. One was larger than the other, it being on top. The smaller one at the bottom. I used three large feathers and plenty of smaller ones.

It’s better to hang the larger feathers to the sides and then another one at the bottom to maintain a triangular symmetry. That’s how I did in mine. But there are plenty of other ways to make dream catchers. There is no set rule.

I made two of these and hung them above each side of the bedpost. They look so pretty, feathers swaying at night, so dainty and comforting.

It hardly took any time to make and is a treat to see whenever I enter the bedroom.

Yeah, That last post happened a long time ago, when I was more and more in my poetic element, mostly because I had been teaching poetry (Okay, they were mostly sing along rhymes) to little rug rats in the school I had been working in.

Anyhow, it’s almost a year later and now I am in Dubai with my husband. Limited to household duties, wifely ones and usual ones that ladies of my capability are supposed to do. Like cook, clean and house sit.

So I have been asking myself questions like – what am I doing with my life? Valid point. Because I am an M.A. in English Literature and M.B.A. plus presently studying for a Doctorate. Man, I am on a roll.

Unfortunately, the competition is really tough in this place so I am limited to being at home. Which is why, I am getting more and frustrated day by day so here I am writing a blog. I have two others on Blogger that I have barely touched in the past four, five years? Yeah, I know, I am pathetic.

I love arts and crafts, crocheting, DIY projects. I want to be able to inspire other women like me to spend their time in doing something worthwhile. I hope I am able to do that through this blog. So here goes nothing.

I am going to document my projects here little by little and see how far it goes. Need some motivation, guys! Let the love flow! Let me know! If you like the show!

So this is me. A middle class, average height, a little more than average weight, class teacher at a school in Muscat. But. Behind my eyes are a series of memories, a plethora of thoughts and ideas that I picked from the roving space that my mind floats in, developed into something unique, something interesting, something weird or even funny.

At times there is a void because I am so far away from my physical being, a distant land of impossibilities.