Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML

Oh yes, that woman was totally a bitch for being thirsty and laughing at a comedy club. She should die a long and painfull death!!!
...
Honestly, I think that woman was embarrased enough for her unwillingly and uncontrollable spitting. The only thing you could blame her for is that she drank, and I don't know about you people, but I do that also sometimes. And when I drink, people shouldn't tell jokes. I won't spit, I will choke. Joyfull. But still, it was an accident, you can't blame the woman. Only morons wants to revenge an unlucky accident.
I also don't blame OP. It was not a very bright idea to go out with an haircut that should stayed perfect till the other day. There are always risks, but hey, she wasn't expected them. Normally, nothing would have happened.

Not really... She just deserves it for being a complete retard and not realizing that there would be a pretty high risk of something falling into her hair, or something going in it if she went out apposed to staying in at home until the wedding.