My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might beMost likely a dyke she just didn't excite meLefty? Yeah but that was alrightShe was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that brightMy mistake she was more flaky than a leper colonyI think a wooden clothespin would have been much better companyAss like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunkySo my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea MonkeysEarly bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the wordSo what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turdI'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any colorAnd I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my motherBut it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushyAnd how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, geeYou know what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vaginaAny kind of new vaginaIt's hard to rhyme a word like vaginaCalvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina

Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interruptIt's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-upI'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her raftersOld hens would rather put out than be put out to the pastureNo age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheesePreferably for me fat-free American singles onlyI want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinnerWon't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinnerLike Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fatIf I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crapLet her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play roughNo I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied upJust independent like nofx, smart like Janeane GarafoloShe'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never knowBestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, geeYou know what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vaginaAny kind of new vaginaIt's hard to rhyme a word like vaginaKevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina