Saddam
Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his
telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice
said. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing
to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"At
this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there
is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire
dominoes team from the pub -- that makes 8!"

Saddam sighed.
"I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting
to move on my command."

"Begorra!",
said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough,
the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

"And
what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well,
we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the
farm."

Once more
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks,
14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1
and a half million since we last spoke."

"Really?!"
said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough,
Paddy rang again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ted's ultra-light
with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined
us as well!"

Saddam was
silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have
10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex
is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since
we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."

"Faith
and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back.

"Sure
enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I am
sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm
sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well,"
said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed
2 million prisoners."