ASTEROID TO STRIKE EARTH IN 2036?

Apophis is traveling around 28,000 miles per hour towards Earth, and could hit the planet sometime in 2036, warn space professionals. Astronomers who are monitoring the asteroid admit that the chances of impact on Earth are extremely low, but recommend proper scenarios should be planned in case it does near Earth around 2036. NASA is currently monitoring 127 near-Earth objects (NEO) that could pose a threat of hitting the planet.

Presidential science advisor, John H. Marburger III, upon hearing of the possibility, discussed the impending disaster with President Bush.
” It’s those damn terrorists.” fumed the President,” I’m gonna send another eighty five thousand of our fine heroic boys to seal off the Iranian border!”
” No Mr. President,” Marburger patiently explained, ” An asteroid is a large chunk of matter in oval orbit in outer space. It has nothing to do with Iran.”
” It must be them Chinese, then.” said the President. ” Didn’t they shoot something down up there last month?”
” Mr. President, you don’t seem to understand. It has nothing to do with terrorism. It is a huge rock which might hit the earth… and destroy all life!”
“Bring it on” shouted the president, Get hold of Cheney and tell him we’ll throw a few billion at Brown & Root and Halliburton. They’re great at solving things like Katrina.
” PLEASE Mr. President,” said an exasperated Marburger,” I don’t think you understand. If this hits us, bang!….the end of everything!”

The President impatiently glanced at his watch. ” Johnny, please, let’s discuss this at some other time!….”
Tears rolled down Marburger’s cheeks ” Can’t you hear what I’m saying, sir. It could be the finish of civilization…every living thing….”
” O.k, Ok, Johnny, don’t get emotional. I’ll get together with the ones who can handle this; I’ll call a meeting with Oral Roberts, Pat Robinson, and Jerry Fallwell. They have experience with the ending of things….and don’t believe those ‘scientists’. Look how they were wrong about global warming….it was 58 degrees yesterday and 47 today, hah! So, Johnny, if you’ll excuse me, I have to pack for my Crawford Vacation….where’s Barney?”

Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.