Why I hate the first part of relationships

March 4, 2016

Am I the only person who detests the first part of relationships? Sometimes it feels like it. You know the part I mean, the part where you’ve first gotten together and everything is new, sexual tension is heightened and it all feels so exciting. Does it really, though?

We tend to look back on those first few months from the safety of a long term relationship and romanticise the hell out of them. Why? Because we know it turned out ok because we’re in a long term relationship now. But what in hindsight looks to be excitement was actually nervous terror as you exposed your tender underbelly to someone and hoped for a gentle tickling in return, but risked a sharp poking.

Letting someone know you like them enough to potentially want to do somewhat squelchy things with them in a dark room is terrifying. What if they don’t like you that way? What if they’re just happy to keep your relationship as one of pleasant chats about cat videos with the lights on?

Even once you’re in the relationship and everyone likes everyone else regardless of the lighting situation it’s still terrifying at the start. Typical new relationship thought process:
“Should I text? Stupid question. I texted. When’s he texting back? Is he busy or should I have not said that thing about the armpit? He’s avoiding me. Oh god I texted 15 minutes ago and he hasn’t answered me even though I’m pretty sure he’s not busy. How can he be? I’m never busy when he texts me I can always make myself available to answer straight away. Wow, I’m really employee of the month, aren’t I? Oh god, now something has happened and I need to change the plans tonight but that means texting him again, even though he hasn’t texted me back since I last texted. Am I allowed to text twice? Ok it’s technically three times. But this is important. I will now text everyone I know to gauge the situation instead of just letting him know the new plan”

That shit ain’t exciting. It’s exhausting.

It just seems exhilarating in hindsight because you know he did eventually text back and he used the heart emoji and seventeen “x”s and it was all ok. You can remember the joyous rush of validation you received when that happened and it made all the pent up “OMG what if this goes down the gurgler” angst seem ok. That’s hindsight for you. At the time it was pure shite.

It could have easily gone wrong, and then you wouldn’t remember it as thrilling, rather as the agonizing stress fest it actually was. Being in love with someone before you know them well enough to know they’re just as weird as you are is a necessary evil, but there’s no need to go on about it like we do.

You know my favourite part of relationships? The part where you know each other well enough to text as many times as you bloody well please, safe in the knowledge that this won’t have any bearing on your future chances at shared nudity. The part where you can say stupid things and disagree with the stupid things he says and argue all night about aforementioned stupid things before deciding to make cheese toasties and go to bed happy as Larry in each other’s company. The part where everyone wears stretchy pants on Sunday. The part where you still get excited coming home at night when you’re only a block away from your house because you love him so much and you can’t wait to see him again. The part where you still feel that way after a stupid number of years together.

That’s the best part of relationships. The part in the beginning is mostly nipple tugging stress.