Is Tom's Love Life Cruisin' for a Bruisin'?

May 31, 2005

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We've heard the saying, "The lady doth protest too much." It goes all the way back to Shakespeare's "Hamlet," and it's come to describe any person we think is phony (male and female), who tries to hide his phoniness by acting, well, really, really phony.

It sure seems to me, as I was watching him go overboard on Oprah, that Cruise "doth profess too much." He has made a 180 degree turn on his public pleas for privacy. He's taken every opportunity to have the public see him and Holmes together and every time a camera is present, he's on his tip-toes trying to land one on her smacker.

Cruise is answering questions about the relationship before they're even asked. What makes a private celebrity go freakishly public after 20 years in the business?

Some would suggest this is a publicity stunt to boost his upcoming film, "War of the Worlds," but I'm not so convinced that's the case. After all, his last few films, "Collateral," "The Last Samurai" and "Minority Report," did extremely well at the box office. "Collateral" and "Samurai" also saw critical acclaim with Oscar nominations, though not necessarily for Cruise.

PR Machine in Overdrive?

Still, I don't think acting like a teenager who's copped his first feel is the modus operandi to the Oscar win he may be seeking. No, there's definitely another motive here.

Is it publicity for Holmes who's about to embark on an international tour for the opening of her new flick, "Batman Begins"? Don't think so. People who go to see "BB" are going for the movie itself, not for Holmes.

So what then?

There is, of course, the fact that she's a self-proclaimed virgin and Tom Cruise has been rumored to be less than interested in sex. Mimi Rogers, his first wife, once told Playboy that Cruise considered being a monk and felt that having sex would hinder his desire for purity. If both these things are true, it certainly would make Holmes the perfect platonic partner.

Using my female intuition (I only take it out for special occasions!) I have to believe something more is asunder. I predict there's going to be some very damaging information about Mr. Cruise that will be exposed in the very near future. Perhaps this secret, in tandem with the real reason Penelope Cruz gave him the big shove-off, has caused the PR machine to go into overdrive and force Cruise to become a romantic goofball.

We shall find out soon enough.

Either Cruise and Holmes will endure, and their relationship will become another one of those crazy Hollywood love stories, or the number two will soon hit the fan and all will be revealed.

My guess … you might want to put on a hat!

Heidi Oringer is director of entertainment programming at ABCNEWS Radio.