LETTERS

From white trash in the Hamptons, why Bush is to blame for Lizzie’s S.U.V., and stupid actor theories. Check them out.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDA: More evidence that popular culture is beginning to fight back against p.c. totalitarianism is a 1999 episode of South Park, the most inspired television show since The Simpsons. I’ve been trying to track the script down for ages, and a reader found it. More proof that this potty-mouthed cartoon is the best antidote to p.c. culture we now have. Here’s the full script of “Sexual Harassment Panda,” a brilliant satire of what happens when eight-year olds are subjected to sexual harassment idiocy. Of course, the little boys sue each other to death for calling each other “ass-sucker” and the like. And one boy’s dad represents everyone in their lawsuits. Here’s how Newscaster Kevin McKarty explains the climax of the plot: “As sexual harassment increases all over the state, the mother of all trials is set to begin! The sexual harassment case of everybody versus everybody begins tomorrow! No matter what the outcome, the public schools are sure to loose a whopping 30 million dollars! Representing the side of everyone is Gerald Broflovski! The lawyer from South Park who plans to make quite a commission! Representing the side of everyone else is Gerald Broflovski! So whatever the outcome, things look very bright for Kyle’s Dad! Personally, I think Kyle’s dad is just a whore taking advantage of everyone in town and… This just in! Newscaster Kevin McKarty is being sued by Kyle’s Dad for slander! The newscaster has yet to be reached for comment! Wait!” But the best bit is the following, as Kyle’s dad, the whore-lawyer, explains what this is really all about:“Gerald: Kyle, let me explain something to you!Kyle: Oh, God! Here we go!Gerald: You see, Kyle, we live in a liberal democratic society. And Democrats make sexual harassment laws. These laws tell us what we can and can’t say in the workplace and what we can and can’t do in the workplace.Kyle: Isn’t that fascism?Gerald: No! Because we don’t call it fascism. Do you understand?Kyle: Do you?”Does anyone?(Many thanks to Glenn Reynolds, who tracked down the script.)