Amon Din (n.) The noise made by Gondor's old message relay system:"Hey!….Hey!….HEY!…….HEY!!!!"
"What?""Gondor calls for aid!" "What?""GONDOR CALLS FOR AID!" "Oh... YO! WAKE UP OVER THERE, EILENACH!
CONDORS HAD A PARADE!""What?"(etc.)

Amon Henpecked (adj.) One whose spouse continually nags about spending too much time on the Seeing Seat.

Amon Henvy (n.) Daddy said YOU were to be entrusted with the ring. Not the midget.

Anduraflame (n.) The Artificial Fireplace Log of the West. Forged in the smithies of a giant chemical
conglomerate in Bayonne, Anduraflame glows blue in the presence of Orcs. Or anything, really.

angmarch (v.) (of an army) To march along a road staring straight ahead, thus missing the heroes who are
crouched next to a rock twenty feet off the path. More generally, to engage in a task wearing blinders. On our angmarch
to get tickets for the Kenny G. concert, we failed to notice the President standing on the sidewalk in a clown suit handing
out free ice cream and $20 bills.

aragornery (adj.) Irritated by requests for second breakfast. As the children clamored for ice
cream in the back seat, Mrs. Postlethwaite began to feel aragornery.

argobath (n.) A dunking occasioned by the tipping over of an Elvenboat. Thanks to Sean Bean, Orlando
Bloom found himself taking an argobath in the Anduin.

army-of-the-dead fresh (adj.) Clean and radiantly sparkling, as though recently scrubbed by an effervescent
mob of lime-green CGI ghosts. Wow, your bathroom is so army-of-the-dead fresh!

arweep (v.) To tremble perpetually on the brink of tears. Often seen in conjunction with bloominous
haze and galadiance. Dude, I totally arwept when Theoden died.

arwenham (n.) A viewer whose physical well-being is tied to the fate of Faramir. As Denethor poured
oil all over his unconscious son, the arwenhams began to perspire and feel faint. Later, at the coronation scene, they perked
up.

B

Bacon of Gondor (n.) 1. A Second Age warning system, which was abandoned when it was discovered that a)
sizzling doesn't carry to the next mountaintop and b) the guards were consuming the stockpiles. 2. Affectionate nickname
for the local constabulatory of Minas Tirith. "Psst! Bacon of Gondor at six o'clock! Cheese it!" hissed Nick.

bag ending (n.) Among several false or premature endings, the scene that actually does conclude a movie.
"Was that the bag ending?""Nope, it's just the Grey Havens. We've got another forty minutes to
go."

balrogle (v.) To gawk nerdily at CGI creatures, while ignoring the human actors. Mamacita! Check
out the digital compositing on those tentacles. I'd sure love to get into her source code.

barrow-white (adj.) Ghastly albino hue, caused by not having been outdoors in a very, very long time.
You look barrow-white...have you been hanging out on TORC?

bilboard (n.) Central advertising spot for "adventures". I saw your ad for "Make $$$$ From The
Comfort Of Your Own Home! (some travel required)" on the bilboard, and thought I'd drop by for tea...

Bill the Puny (n.) Eentsy weentsy horse that tagged along with the Fellowship. Bill the Puny was carried
off by a cloud of midges five minutes after leaving the Prancing Pony, never to be seen again.

bloomerang (v.) To reappear again and again in subsequent movies as a result of being associated with
a hugely succesful blockbuster. Thanks to the bloomerang effect, Leonardo was all set for at least ten years after
Titanic.

bodygardener (n.) Hybrid job title held by Sam. As the hideous orc/marigold hybrids closed in
on Frodo, Sam the bodygardner brandished the Mulch of Galadriel and yelled "Back, you filth!"

Bombadilli Vanilli (n.) Fake rap character who lip-synched all the stuff about strawberries and rilly-dilly
dingle-dells.

borometer (n.) A measuring device which detects sudden changes in narrative pressure. According
to the borometer, Boromir no longer desires the Ring, because he's dead.

borrow-mir (v.) In borrowing an item (such as a ring), to cast doubt upon whether it will ever be returned.
My neighbor borrowmired my hedge clippers six months ago. Guess I'll have to buy new ones.

boromirth (n.) Amusement over hobbit antics, which often ends with a shin-kicking.

boyds of a feather (n.) Any of a number of diminutive, hobbit-portraying actors who bond together intensely
during filming of a trilogy in New Zealand.

breefund (n.) A money-back guarantee promised to a customer, with no intention of following through, because
you expect that they’ll be dead in the morning. 1. ”Oh yes,” smirked Barliman Butterbur to Mr. Underhill,
“You can have a full breefund if this room with the faulty lock proves unsatisfactory.” 2. As he tumbled
from the sky, Nazgul Number Four realized that he’d been sold a Fell Lemon, and there was no hope of collecting on the
breefund.

breemature (adj.) To feel a sense of relief at reaching journey's end, when in fact you have just begun.
Pippin's joy at reaching the Prancing Pony was breemature. Little did he know he would shortly wake up on a merchant
freighter, bound for Djakarta.

breetentious (adj.) Opposite of "pretentious". To appear to be smaller, cutier, and cozier than you really
are.

cirith strangle (v.) To make a dire threat that you have no real power to enforce. The clammy
Cirith Strangle of my boss closed around my windpipe. "May death find you quickly if you don't have that report on my desk
by 5 pm." Little did he know that my resignation was sitting in his email box.

cirith uncle (n.) A shadowy relative within whom "a dark terror dwells", and who usually shows up uninvited
at the yearly Auntmoot.

Club Meduseld (n.) Private getaway spot for swingin' single monarchs.

cormallencholy (adj.) Sad because you didn't get to go to the big party after the War of the Ring ended.
Eowyn felt cormallencholy in the Houses of Healing, which she attributed to the fact that they wouldn't let her have
anything but Jello.

Corvairs of Umbar (n.) Pirate ships with really bad suspension and a tendency to flip over and burst into
flame.

a couple of hobbits short of a Fellowship (colloq.) A person who is not all there, or not in possession
of all of his/her marbles. Denethor is a couple of hobbits short of a Fellowship, if you know what I mean.Synonyms:
- surfing at Helm’s Deep - his/her White City doesn’t go all the way to the seventh level - not the
sharpest shard in the Narsil - a little too much tra-la-la-lalley in his/her valley - a permanent busy signal in his/her
palantir - the dwarves are being tossed, but they’re not landing - his/her Nazgul are still circling Osgiliath
- there's a dead White Tree in his/her courtyard - not the brightest ring in the mithril shirt - no drums in his/her
deep - the beacons are lit, but nobody’s answering - a few Stewards short of a pyre - a few eagles short
of a rescue - not the brightest gem in the Evenstar necklace - a few horses short of an ťored

crickhollow (n.) Calcified bone deposit caused by sitting still through multiple viewings of 3-hour movies.
"Ouch," said Wanda, as they stood up from the LOTR marathon, "I've got a nasty crickhollow in my neck".