Entries tagged with work

Once again I've been away from LJ for a while, mostly because I've been busy with Probate stuff and tidying the house and when I do go online I want something mindless like reblogging stuff on Tumblr or reading endless Buzzfeed posts. But I also need somewhere to write and get my thoughts down properly, so here we go:

Probate stuff is coming along. Rob and I are joint executors of Dad's estate and we're contacting various banks and organisations to get all the information together in order to apply for Probate. It's mostly going all right, although I did get a letter back from someone saying that they'd checked their records and had found no accounts under that name and I'm just like "Oh really? Then why do I have this letter from your very department, dated February this year, addressed to my dad and talking about his account?" Ugh.

The tidying the house thing is a bit weird too. I think it must be a reaction to the grief because I've always been a pretty messy person and a bit of a hoarder. (I'm the kind of person who watches the show Hoarders in order to feel better about myself because at least I'm not that bad!) But now I'm in CLEAN ALL THE THINGS mode, as well as THROW AWAY ALL THE THINGS YOU KEPT BECAUSE YOU TOLD YOURSELF THEY'D BE USEFUL IN THE FUTURE BUT IT'S TIME TO ADMIT THEY WON'T BE AND JUST GET RID OF THEM mode. I quite like it actually and hope that I can keep it up because it would be great to have a house where things are actually tidy and I can get to what I want easily.

So mostly I feel like things are going ok and I'm not doing too badly. Or at least I did until earlier today when I had a bit of a breakdown at work and now I feel stupid and embarrassed about it.

One of my managers was having a go at me for not fully explaining the feedback cards when I hand them out and I got upset and argued back, which then made him get even more annoyed and started threatening me with a disciplinary and whatever. I wish I could have remained rational, because I do have actual reasons why I think he was being unfair, but it just upset me so much because the managers were going on about these stupid feedback cards back in March when Dad was dying and bringing them up again felt like bringing everything about that time up again. Maybe that's silly and probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but it's how I feel and I genuinely was really, seriously upset.

But I do also think it was unfair, because back in March my main manager specifically said I just had to hand out the cards. That was it. He didn't say start with just handing out the cards for now. He said just hand out the cards, that's all that's required. And so, I took him at his word and believed that that was all that was required. But now apparently that's not enough. I really hate moving goalposts. You can't tell me I have to do x and then get mad at me for not doing x and y. And if you are going to change the rules, you have to then explain that to me. Not aggressively moan at me for not doing something that I had been told wasn't required.

So yeah, I don't think he was being fair but I know that by reacting the way I did I've lost a lot of credibility and that really annoys me. (But, tbh, I also feel like it's not unreasonable for me to expect a bit of leeway? He went on about how this is the same for everyone and I kinda feel like I shouldn't be held to the same expectations as everyone else right now. Is that wrong? I mean it's been less than two months since Dad died and I kinda feel like the message here is that I should be over it already.)

I'm not looking forward to going in tomorrow but I'm going to try and smooth things over. My initial urge was just to quit and find something else, but I know this is the wrong time to be making decisions like that. And I have no confidence in myself and my ability to find a new job anyway.

The heating at work is still broken and it's fucking freezing. We have portable heaters, but they only warm up the area immediately around them and that leaves far too much of the place far too cold.

Possibly related to the cold, my knees are aching quite badly again. That's not much fun. Also, I banged my foot the other day and managed to vertically split the nail on my middle toe, which was more painful than I expected such a small thing to be.

But on the flip side to all this I got an email from Papa Johns earlier telling me that some of my points were going to expire at the end of today. I couldn't let them go to waste, so I now have a free pizza coming my way this evening. Yay free pizza.

I have survived eight hours of retail work on Black Friday! I am rewarding myself with wine. I wanted to reward myself with wine and Strictly, but the tennis is overrunning. I hate tennis.

Actually, today wasn't too bad. Even, dare I say it, rather fun? We had a mountain of food in the staff room to eat during our breaks, I didn't have any horrible customers, I like the people I was in the stockroom with, and there was a nice sense of camaraderie as we all worked together to get delivery put away and take orders out as fast as possible.

I really hate how awkward and incompetent I feel at work, even when I'm doing things that I know I know how to do. I always feel like everyone else is judging me and thinks I'm useless. And the fact that my manager is a rather sarcastic person in general and I can never tell if he's being serious or not really doesn't help.

Anyway, more November meme catch up:

19. What's the funniest thing you ever saw?

I honestly have no idea. But I still find myself amused by the "small parts and small balls" warning I occasionally see on things. I'm such a child.

Going back to work after a week off is always such a fun adventure as I try to sort out the mess that my cash office has become. I wish I had time to just focus on that and nothing else, but of course we're getting busier and busier as Christmas creeps ever closer, so things are still a bit of a mess.

I'm falling behind with the November meme again, so I'll jump straight into...

15. If you were a politician, what would your first agenda be?

Exploring the Palace of Westminster. I know that's not what this question means, but I watched a programme about The Houses of Parliament a few months ago and it was really interesting seeing how things worked and all the weird little traditions they have. I'd be particularly excited for my first Division vote, where all the MPs have eight minutes to get from wherever they are in and around the building to reach either the Aye lobby or the No lobby to register their vote on a bill.

I might give a proper answer to this question when I have more time, but for now I have to watch University Challenge!

Today did not start well. I realised last night that I've lost my FitBit. I've tried retracing my steps, assuming that it fell off at some point, but I haven't found it and I'm not sure where else it could be. It's annoying because I can't afford to replace it any time soon and I'd been interested in seeing how many steps I take over the Christmas period when we get really busy. If I do have to get another one I'll probably go for a higher model, one which tracks floors as well as steps, and maybe has a heart rate monitor too. Also one that attaches like a watch and not just clips together, so hopefully this won't happen again. But that probably won't be till after Christmas.

It's also annoying because it means I'm going to fall behind on my badges and ruin all my stats. And these things matter to me, dammit!

My day didn't get much better at work when the very first customer I had was snippy and rude. Always a lovely way to start the day. I spent most of my shift feeling tired and sad and just wanting to go home.

But it's ok! Because I made it through and now I'm home and I have wine. And tomorrow I'm going to watch fireworks. Yay.

Now, onto topic three for November: Favourite movie.

I'm not a huge movie-watcher, I much prefer TV shows, which makes it difficult to chose a favourite, but some films I absolutely love are:

I just looked down and there was a wasp chilling in the handle of my scissors. Definite Do Not Want! I took him outside and eventually was able to shake him off but it took a while. The little dude did not want to leave. I wonder if he was hoping to do some arts and crafts and I have cruelly deprived him of his vocation.

It was drizzling outside, which was actually quite pleasant after the heat this morning. Although, having said that, it was really the humidity that did me in. The cash office felt like an actual sauna. And I couldn't even have the small relief of the little tabletop fan because certain people have stolen it for their own use! I should just steal it back. It was mine to begin with after all. (Well, the cash office's, but that's pretty much the same thing.)

Still, could be worse. On Friday I was helping to push three 800kg pallets up a hill. At least the weather wasn't too bad then. I think I would have actually died!

In other news, I had a good weekend. It was Rob's birthday on Thursday and Mum's on Saturday so Rob came round on Sat for a joint celebration. I gave Mum the Corkers board game, which we have now played twice and she won both times. I suppose it's only fair since it was her day. And it turns out that I don't know as much about wine as I thought I did.

Pre-packing for Ireland is going well. I have my lists and a vague idea of where everything is that I'm going to need to take with me. Can't quite believe it's only four days away!

The heatwave is over and I have not melted into the ground! Work still makes me hot and sweaty, especially in the abominable furnace that is the upper stock room, but at least I can feel comfortable when I get home now. As opposed to a couple of days ago when there was no escape from the relentless heat anywhere I went.

Also, I'm getting pretty pissed off with people online making fun of us and calling us wimps for saying that that was a heatwave. Yeah, fine, you live in a place where it regularly gets hotter than this and you have these kinds of temperatures all summer, but that's the point, we don't. We're not prepared for this, our bodies aren't used to it, our homes don't have air conditioning. (And why do people seem to feel the need to exaggerate in order to mock us? I saw a derisive comment laughing that "England is complaining about temperatures in the 70s to mid 80s" and I'm just like uh, no, it was 36 Celsius here you fucknut. That's 97 to you, so shut your fucking cake hole.)

Sorry, I think the heat is making me ratty. Although since it's cooled down now I can't really use that as an excuse any more.

But at least now that the heatwave is over, maybe now I can write about things other than the weather. Like Alias and its complete character derailment of Irina Derevko. I'm hoping that she's been cloned and replaced with a double (again), because that woman from the past couple of episodes is so not the same woman from the rest of the series.

It's Wednesday, which means I have made it over halfway through the week and haven't died! Yay me!

Work has been about as fun as anticipated, although I did manage to dig out an old fan and we've got that set up now. Not that it does much but it's better than nothing! And it seems my employers are actually considerate and don't want their employees to keel over from heat exhaustion and we got some money to buy drinks, which is nice. Also the Costa people came round with free samples of their caramel latte cooler, which was very much appreciated.

I've also closed my curtains so hopefully my room should be a bit more bearable to sleep in tonight. I can't believe it's taken me this long to work out that doing that might be a good idea! (The sun sets right opposite my window, which can make for lovely evenings, but also means that my room is basically cooking for hours and feels like an oven by the time I go to bed.)

I blame the heat for addling my brain. That and the fact that we're not really used to such high temperatures in this country. It almost makes me miss Vegas. The temperatures were higher there, but it was a dry heat and everywhere was air conditioned. What I wouldn't do for some air conditioning right about now!

The upside of all this is that I'm catching up on my TV shows. When I get in from work I'm too worn out and overheated to do much but flop onto the sofa and watch something. I've now finished Orphan Black season one and am making good progress with season five of Alias. I'm not too happy about certain developments though, which I will probably make a post about some time soon despite the fact that no one else is watching this ten year old show or would have any idea what I'm talking about.

Ah, summer. That wonderful time when I have the choice to either sleep with my window closed and feel like I'm boiling to death or sleep with it open and be woken up by the neighbours' cockerel at 4am. Decisions, decisions.

Either way, I'm very glad it's Friday. Work is also very uncomfortable in the summer cos it's so physical and I always end up feeling like a disgusting overheated mess by the end of my shift. Yesterday I found myself close to tears and I couldn't even put my finger on why exactly. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything and the thought that summer hasn't even technically started yet and I have so much more of this to come is really getting me down.

But at least I have my holiday at the end of July/beginning of August. That's something to look forward to, and not just because it means I won't be at work. I'm so excited to finally go to Ireland. You'd think with the amount of travelling I do and the fact that Ireland is right next to us I'd have already made a trip over, but nope. I get to experience it all for the first time. And try to do so without Loreena McKennitt lyrics running through my head on a constant loop!

Tomorrow I'm heading up to Oxford to see friends and hopefully have a BBQ if the weather cooperates. So that's something else to be happy about. Yay!

So today was fun! First of all someone called in sick so I got some extra hours, which is good cos bank holidays are paid at time and a half. And then all the tills went down and we had to close for about an hour. There was still delivery to do so it wasn't like I got paid to sit around and do nothing, but it's always so much nicer without customers!

And I managed to get in some Mega Drive games when I got home. More Shining in the Darkness. Golden Axe. Sonic the Hedgehog 2. I'm pretty much drowning in nostalgia now!

According to my FitBit I have already walked over 15,000 steps today. I knew work was good for something. Other than money, of course.

But then on the lazier side of things, I have also bought the Sega Mega Drive Collection for the PS3. Which means that I can play Sonic the Hedgehog to my heart's content! It also means that I can play Shining in the Darkness, which I am having so much nostalgic fun with. I saw the title in the list of games and it felt vaguely familiar so I gave it a go and as soon as the music started I was hit with all these memories! Not even anything specific, I couldn't remember much about the gameplay until I got into it, but all the feelings that I had playing it all those years ago. It's weird just how much it affected me!

I was at work during the eclipse so I made sure to find reasons to hang around on the shop floor and look out the windows rather than being in the back. It was completely cloudy so there was no chance of seeing anything in detail, but I wanted to watch it get darker. And it did, although not too much. I guess even 15% of the sun is still enough to give us a lot of light!

Selfishly I was quite pleased that it was so cloudy. I'd have been upset if we'd had a great view and I wasn't able to go out and watch it properly!

So, I was talking with people at work about my week off and I mentioned going to London and having five cocktails on Saturday. One of my colleagues looked at me, shocked, and went "Caroline! I thought you didn't drink!" Just goes to show how people you work with can have no idea who you really are!

Also, it is March and that means Fandom March Madness time. I have fallen out of love with it in recent years, when it moved away from being a fun, snarky place and became just a mean and nasty place, but I'm willing to give it another go. Mainly so I can profess my love for Camille Bordey in the nominations round. (I know Death in Paradise has no chance of getting in, so I've got to make the most of it while I can!)

Hey LJ, long time no see. I've actually had proper hours at work this week so have been busy selling people paddling pools. So many paddling pools. Also I've been playing The Eternity Clock, which is a fairly good game but can be so frustrating I have to remind myself of the cost of our television in order to restrain myself from throwing the controller through it.

Currently I'm sitting on the patio, in the sunshine, and feeling pretty good about everything. It's nice. And Eurovision is on in just over an hour, which I will be watching the hell out of and I don't care what anyone says about that. I love Eurovision.

And finally, when I was in London last weekend Paul bought me this amazing travelcard holder for my Oyster card:

I'm making crazy eyes in this picture because it's just that awesome.

And I'm posting this picture as well because, as I said on Tumblr, I usually look like a troll in photographs so my vanity compels me to share any pictures where I look even halfway attractive. I'm not quite sure how this happened but I'll take it.

Oh, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. Bank holidays are always pretty horrible to work anyway, but with all the shit going down at the moment I'm not sure what's going to happen. Hopefully we will actually have enough staff.

I watched Closing Time earlier in order to remind myself that whatever does happen, at least I won't get eaten by Cybermen. I hope.

At the beginning of this year I said to myself that I was going to be more sociable both online and off. I think it's safe to say that I have failed spectacularly at this.

Oh well. Let's try it now.

Last weekend I had a fortune cookie that said "You will have much variety at work this week." I laughed because retail in January is one of the most boring things in the world. But then yesterday we had the fun and excitement of a power cut. Is it sad that I actually found it a lot of fun? Even if it did mostly involve us sitting around watching people rattle the doors because they couldn't be bothered to read the sign we put up.

And, of course, there was the requisite idiot who argued with us to put her order through anyway because she needed it now. I'm not sure how she thought we were going to be able to do that. Should have asked her really.

In other news, the pub down the hill that's been closed for ages then was being refurbished over Christmas is now open. Rob, Esme and I went down last night and it's really nice in there now. A vast improvement on how it used to be!