now I’m lying still in bed
darkness all around
thoughts keep moving in my head
they form a pulsing mess
they speak of memories and regret
the future and the past
they show my pictures, sing me songs
but it all comes down to fear

the fear alone within the dark
the fear of hurting her
the fear of loosing all I know
the fear of lost control
the fear of dying all alone
the fear lost in a crowd
the fear of the disease

sleep might push it all away
or invite it in
a gamble we all have to take
night and night again