And then she eats it.

My wonderful, smart, amazing father passed away earlier this year. He went from sick, to really sick, to really really sick, to being relieved of his pain and suffering.

This was not a short process. We have been dealing with the stress since 2013 and it has been difficult keeping my weight under control during this time, especially this year when he got really sick. When the prognosis wasn’t good, I stopped going to weightwatcher meetings and just stopped trying. It wasn’t important. Eating my feelings about what was about to come was more important.

When he passed, I felt numb. The stomach ache from binge eating made me feel SOMETHING. It was awful. Then slowly, I began to grieve less but the eating remained the same. I had just gotten into a habit and there was no way out.

So I am starting fresh. I went to my first WW meeting in months last night (and got so many needed hugs) and had them wipe out my weight history. I feel a bit enthusiastic about it and I can’t wait for my first loss.

There will be slip ups. There will be unexplained gains and losses. Such is life. This is a roller coaster…I just hope it is one of those roller coasters that end at a different station instead of start at the beginning.