While these scenarios sound like something straight out of the much-hyped 2012 apocalypse, they are happening now — in our backyards — and more often than most of us might imagine.

Exotic animal whisperer, Tim Harrison.

According to Tim Harrison, who stars in the intense and eye-popping documentary “The Elephant in the Living Room,” we no longer have to go to India to see a wild tiger or to Canada to see a cougar or to Africa to see a Gaboon viper. “You can go to any town USA. Those animals are right here,” he says. The film, which is in theatres now, takes a close and often uncomfortable look at the controversial subject of raising exotic animals as common household pets. (Watch the trailer below.)

Director Michael Webber follows Harrison, a world-renowned animal protection advocate and director of the nonprofit Outreach for Animals, as he responds to panicky calls about dangerous predators roaming our country’s inner-cities and suburbs. The retired police officer, firefighter and paramedic for the city of Oakwood, Ohio and martial arts expert has wrangled a 10-foot alligator walking around a mid-western town, captured a Gaboon viper lurking in a garage, and tracked and helped safely trap “domesticated” cougars, lions, tigers and bears. Harrison basically makes most guys look like Suzy Creamcheese.

I recently had the pleasure of talking with “The Elephant in the Living Room” star about the documentary and his role as a modern-day Crocodile Dundee-meets-Seth Bullock. He has authored two books about exotic pets and has been featured on National Geographic, Animal Planet, Discovery Channel and CNN.

Tails: How is this documentary different from your other media appearances?

Harrison: Most if not all of the other programs I’ve been are in-your-face man vs. nature dramas. They’ve been edited to be sensational and entertaining, but not educational. I’m not Steve Irwin. I felt like Webber really got that. He got the respect part…that man should really be respecting nature from a distance.

Tails: How did you become an exotic animal expert?

Harrison: I would say I’m more of a common sense expert. When I was 16 years old, I worked for a local vet in Tipp City, Ohio. Sometimes we got calls about exotic pets. I ended up raising tigers, lions, venomous snakes, you name it. Back then, I was part of the problem, but it wasn’t dire like it is now. Reality shows changed all that. Monkey see, monkey do. People see a guy on TV with an alligator or a python or a baboon and think, “Hey, I can do that too.” And Ohio is the number one offender. Here you can buy anything you want and do whatever you want with it. I’m the last resort when these situations go bad. It’s usually something like, “I watched Animal Planet and this alligator doesn’t act like the one on TV.” Between 1996 and 2008, I got no fewer than 100 calls a year.

Tails: Ohio recently passed legislation that banned the sale of exotic animals. Is it making a difference?

Harrison: I’ve found that when it comes to following the rules, about 80% of the population will do what you ask. This past year we received only 5 calls about problems with dangerous pets. The best regulation is to not allow people to have these animals at all.

Tim Harrison and friends find an escaped python.

Tails: Where does one buy a baboon or a bear?

Harrison: Do an online search right now and you’ll be amazed at what you’ll find. You can get a snake delivered to your house in less than 24 hours. There are thousands of classified ads plus exotic animal expos and auctions. Something called the “Animal Finder Guide” lists everything from mountain lions, wolves and primates of all kinds to puff adders, grizzlies and black leopards. The owners are often giving them away.

Tails: In your youth, you kept exotic animals as pets. How does it feel to be on the other side of the issue?

Harrison: My heart goes out to the owners and to the animals. I know how it feels to get attached to these creatures. But it breaks my heart to see what happens when they get too big or too mature to handle. They should be enjoying life in the wild. We need to respect what they are — wild animals. They aren’t pets. There aren’t too many happy endings to these stories.

Tails: What’s one of the strangest or most surprising situations you’ve encountered?

Harrison: I was signing books in Austin, Texas, and an elderly couple walked up and asked me if I could help them with their pet white rhino. They had bought it 12 years ago at an auction. It lived in their backyard and they could no longer take care of it. Luckily, I was able to place it in a nearby rescue facility.

Tails: How do you stay so preternaturally calm, especially in the face of say, a deadly snake or a very large and angry lioness?

Harrison: I’ve been doing this for 37 years. I don’t have a choice. I need to stay calm.

Tails: What advice do you have for people who are considering getting an exotic animal as a pet?

Harrison: Don’t. Get a book. Read it. These animals are not pets, they’re predators. They are dangerous to you, your family and your community. As Americans we think we need to own things to enjoy them. We are so far removed from nature that the woods become something scary or gross. Yet we are keeping baboons and cobras in our homes. It makes no sense.

What about for people who already have an exotic animal at home?

Harrison: Whatever you do, don’t let them loose. Florida has become a total eco-disaster when it comes to animals. Many rescue groups, including Outreachforanimals.org now exist that are dedicated to helping to find homes for exotic animals in need.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the film:

“It’s not a python problem, it’s a people problem.”

“The only thing that would have been more bizarre than what we witnessed today is if they had sold a human child.”

Parents to their young son: “Hey. Show them your new alligator!”

Guy at an exotic animal expo holding an alligator with duct tape around its mouth: “Yeah. They’re pretty laid back animals.”