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8 Things I’ve Come To Terms With When Identifying As An Asexual

Over a year ago I started to explore what my sexuality might be because I knew for definite that I wasn’t straight. I knew that my (now ex) boyfriend and I definitely felt differently about certain parts of our relationships. During my search I found the term “asexual” and that’s where a lot of my life started to make sense and because of my discovery some parts started to change. Some for the better and some maybe for the worst. But during that time I had to come to terms with something when it came to my asexuality so I thought I’d share it with you.

Coming out is hard. It usually means you’ll have to explain yourself.

What I mean by this is that not many people know that asexuality exists. I’m not out to that many people in real life (shocking I know with how open I am about it online) but pretty much everyone I have come out to I have had to explain what asexuality is. Honestly I don’t mind explaining it if that means I’m educating more people on asexuality.

You are going to have to deal with a lot of acephobic comments.

Sad but true. They may even come from family or friends who either you aren’t out to or they are unaware that they are being acephobic. I’m not out to any of my family but I’ve made it pretty clear that I don’t want another relationship after my only failed one and from that I’ve got the response “there are going to be loads more [boys] where that comes from”and “you’ll meet the right person,” and there’s so many more that I could list like the most annoying but popular response “you just haven’t found the right person yet,”

You’re never going to stop coming out.

You’re probably thinking something like Lauren? What are you talking about? Well if you’re not apart of LGBTQIA community then you probably wouldn’t understand. What I mean by this is there is always going to be a time where you’ll have to bring up your sexual orientation again (this is not just about asexual, this can be the same from anyone in the LGBTQIA community) because there will always be someone who either doesn’t know or has forgotten.

You’re going to have to face acephobic comments from the community itself

This one it took me a long time to come to terms with because I expected everyone in the community to be accepting of one another because well we’ve all experienced oppression. Boy was I wrong. When it comes to asexuals in the community a lot of people don’t believe we belong there, especially if you are hetero-romantic because people in the community aren’t accepting because they are “basically straight” which isn’t the case (unless they would like to identify as straight then that’s okay but asexuals are not straight because the definition for straight is someone who is heterosexual & heteroromantic).

There probably isn’t going to be much representation in the media

This one daily is one that will always bug me. With the lack of awareness and education on asexuality this means that there is a lack of canon asexual characters in the media because well no one really knows much about them or knows how to canonize them properly. I would give anything to have an asexual character in one of my favourite shows because that means that there is finally someone on my screen I can truly identify with but at the moment this is very rare. And I’m still trying to come to terms with it.

You are never going to escape the society’s need for sex and relationships

The world we live in looks at sex and relationships as if they are the be-all and end-all like if you don’t have either your life is pretty boring and pretty much over. But that is not the case as many aromantics and/or asexuals can happily live without either. The heteronormativity and amatonormativity of society does make it very difficult for an asexual to live up to society’s views on what is “normal”. No matter where you tern there is going to be something that links back to society’s need for sex and relationships, and I mean everywhere. Books, movies, tv shows, going out in public, family dinner. How I deal with it? Is I choose to ignore it, of course I get a little bit frustrated but other than that I just scroll, walk, or whatever past it.

You are not broken!

This one is the most important to me because I never truly understood the terms “sexy” or how someone could look at someone and be like “I want to have sex with this person” but because of my lack of education on asexuality I never found out the term until I fully dived into the tumblr universe. Finding the definition of asexuality was like a light switched on for me and that there was nothing to truly be ashamed off. Nothing was wrong with me I was just different. Being asexual doesn’t make you any less of a person than if you were gay/straight/bi etc. We are all human at the end of the day.

Being asexual has it’s perks

PUNS PUNS AND MORE PUNS. When it comes to asexuality there’s so many lovely and creative ways to come out or not directly come out to. Literally you can slyly throw the word “ace(s)” into a conversation and only you will know the extent of that word. Also many of use have this secret ability where we can turn invisible (shh don’t tell anyone though). Back to all seriousness though the parts of the asexual community that I’ve had the pleasure of talking to are all so accepting and so kind and so helpful I seriously wouldn’t be here without them. The asexual tumblr blogs are so kind and helpful to the entire community even people asking the same questions over and over again. I find that asexuals in general are very patient and are trying to help educate the world on asexuality. Which is great.

I never truly know how to end these types of blogs, so I guess all I can say is I hope you learned something new or I helped or something. Have a nice day/evening/week/month/year. See you soon. PeACE.