Pope Thinking of Losing Hat

VATICAN CITY (The Borowitz Report)—In his latest break with Catholic orthodoxy, Pope Francis said today that he was “seriously considering losing the hat,” the tall ceremonial mitre that has long been a signature of papal dress.

“I know I’m going to catch hell for saying this, but it looks kind of dumb,” he said. “Besides, you expect me to believe God really cares if I wear a big pointy hat or not? Come on.”

The Pontiff said that he would probably “try out some different looks, like a baseball cap or something” over the next few weeks, “just to see what happens.”

“If a lightning bolt comes out of the sky and cracks St. Peter’s in two, then I guess we’ll know it was a bad idea,” he chuckled.