the kiss

It was chilly in the movie house, or maybe that was just me since I easily get cold. I was shivering a little bit. He turned to look at me. I turned to look at him. We both looked away the same instant.

Was this really happening? Maybe I was imagining things. He did turn and looked right? He's been turning to look at me several times already. I can't possibly have imagined it. Can I?

Okay, we've taken our other friend home now. It's just the two of us in the car, the way its supposed to be, the way it should have been, the way it's always been in my mind since I was in 6th grade.

We're chatting ... his hand touched mine. Electricity. Shivers. He felt it too. I can tell. I felt it. He smiled. Sigh, that smile just makes me melt. Why does he have to look at me that way? Why does he have to smile at me? I am melting, falling once more.

Stop. I have someone in my life. He has someone in his life. We can't be together. We want to but we can't. We no longer can.

We've parked the car now. His arms are wrapped around me. We're comfortable this way. We've always been comfortable with each other. We talk and talk ... and talk some more. We joke and laugh. The tension is there. You can almost touch it if you dare. He jokingly asks me if I'd ever paid him the kiss I owed him when we were in 1st year college. I told him why would I? It was two years ago.

He tells me he wonders at times what it would be like to kiss me. I tell him I wonder the same thing too. We both laughed. I turn to tell him he was an idiot and he stares at me. Our eyes locked and time literally felt like it stopped. He draws me closer and I closed my eyes.

Finally, it happened. We kissed.

It was a kiss like no other. It was a kiss like I've never felt before. It was a kiss from him.
We kissed for what seemed like hours but in reality it was just a few minutes.

Reality came back. Sanity set in. What have we done?

We talked. He loves me, I love him ... but we can't be together. We couldn't risk it. We just can't. It was too scary ... we had too much to lose. We weren't brave enough.

That night, before he left, he told me I was his best friend and if we remain best friends ... we'd never be out of each other's life. That was in 2002. I haven't heard from him since 2008. It's been two years now.

I wonder where he is now. I wonder, if from time to time, he thinks of that night too. I wonder, if he thinks of me too.