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Releasing unedited versions of the Brexit impact reports would defy the sacred will of the people, David Davis has claimed.

Addressing Parliament, the Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union and Wrecking the Economy said:”I stand before you as a great defender of the sacred will of the people, standing firm against agents of traitorous transparency.”

“There is nothing more sacred in our democracy than the will of the people as expressed on June 23rd 2017, when a concerted campaign of lies tricked the people into voting for a huge fall in living standards.”

“The people voted to leave the European Union without understanding any of the consequences whatsoever. The people must now respect their own flawed decision and let me get on with ruining their lives in ways that Tories do best.”

“The need to respect the sacred will of the people is what prevents me today from releasing the full, unredacted reports on the incredibly negative impact of Brexit.”

“If the people were to be informed of the terrifying ramifications of leaving the EU, I have no doubt that a great many leave voters would immediately switch to remain, in defiance of the will of the people.”

“As someone who respects democracy, that cannot be allowed to happen.”