The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department launched an internal probe yesterday to investigate claims that Paris Hilton received special treatment (gasp!) during her 23 day jail sentence. During her incarceration, sources say that Paris was provided with a cordless phone instead of having to wait in line to use the pay phone, that her mail was hand delivered by the captain instead of an inmate trustee, and she was provided a new jail uniform instead of a recycled one which other inmates wear. Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said:

We’re going to investigate it and get to the bottom of it and find out exactly what happened.”

Oh yeah, the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department is totally going to get to the bottom of these lies. Sheriff Lee Baca released Paris from jail after only three days because she didn’t like it there (and he got money from her grandpa), so you know their tough stance on crime. Paris Hilton suffered in jail. Like the time pieces of Sheriff Baca’s milk chocolate sculpture he made of Paris sitting on a rainbow and holding a basket of chihuahuas fell on the floor while he was hand feeding Paris in her cell. Or the night her cot was only partially covered in roses. Or anything else I missed that they did to kiss this whore’s ass.