Impeded

December 13, 2011

Destined as I was to bring word to you all of the centi-sequel, The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence), it is with a heavy heart that I must also sound a note of defeat. For not only am I late to the party on this, but I also had to settle for a censored version of the film, despite earlier expressing a confident belief (here) that I wouldn’t have to and later railing against the British censors defiantly and virulently (here). I can’t help feeling that they won, the bastards, not only by forcing me to settle for a film that has been cut “for my own good” but also by suckering me into watching two utterly shit horror movies that they also refused to certify, Grotesque and Murder Set Pieces. I hunted down and viewed those turds purely out of what I now recognize as an ill-judged sense of last-gasp adolescent rebellion so in future I shall be satisfied to simply assert my right to watch any old trash I please rather than actively putting that right into practice. Due to lax blogging habits, I also neglected to mention here that the British Board of Film Censors performed a U-turn on their decision not to grant The Human Centipede II a certificate and instead passed it with substantial cuts to what they deemed the most objectionable scenes. At present, this version of the film appears to be the only one currently available to view and, in conclusion, fuck the BBFC.

To add to the above, my evangelism for The Human Centipede has now seen me, amongst my peers, saddled with an undeserved reputation as a fanboy of B-movie schlock-trash when all along I thought of myself merely on a journey that began with a desire to overcome the initial psychological revulsion I surprisingly felt at a film premise and then progressed to an eagerness to share what transpired to be a sick cinematic joke. Having considered myself long past an age where movies could genuinely unsettle me (I was a real wimp for horror when I was a child), it troubled me that the trailer and plot details for The Human Centipede affected me as they did and I watched the film largely to overcome my sense of resentment at something so silly wielding that kind of power over me. Later, having watched what was a surprisingly mild body horror flick, I observed that same revulsion amongst my social circle toward The Human Centipede (admittedly, following my gleeful introduction of the thing into their lives), and then embarked on a process of recommending it, blogging about it, etc. whilst sincerely convinced I was doing everyone a favour by urging them to face down what was little more than a gross extended gag masquerading as some terrible, transgressive cinema experience beyond the limits of the civil consumer. This wasn’t snuff rape-porn or even a simulacrum thereof, but some goofy mad scientist story made by a filmmaker who was openly boasting about being inspired by a joke he once made involving sewing a mouth to an anus. This was further reinforced by the central idea percolating into mainstream pop culture by way of several parodies, and I felt duty bound to help everyone cackle along with me rather than cower in disgust.

At any rate, I recently watched The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) and will throw up, so to speak, a review in due course.