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Extreme Makeover: Olympic Edition

The Summer Olympics is one of those grandiose spectacles where the organizers try to promote world peace and goodwill, but inevitably it makes no difference as to how one nation treats another. You have to be extremely naïve (or stupid) to believe that sports can pave a way for world peace. Just ask James Harden and Russell Westbrook about it; they experienced that problem first-hand. It’s just a matter of decades or centuries before the organizers can realize that the Olympics is created for a scientific purpose: kicking ass.

I could care less if a game of ping-pong opens up diplomatic relations between China and Hong Kong, I want to see my boy Ryu Seung-Min upset the Chinese giants and get a gold for South Korea. This is what the Olympics is all about, my country kicking your country’s ass in whatever sport is offered and by the end of the summer we want to earn the bragging rights as the most athletic country in the entire world.

The opening ceremonies for the past Summer and Winter Olympics have grown irritating since 2008. The broadcasters always throw in those cliché comments that are expressed in awe and wonder, “Who would have imagined that athletes from around the world would gather together in one place united together for such a wonderful event?” (or something like that).

It’s really a no-brainer. Every athlete in the world wanted to prove to be the best in their sport and the Olympics provides an opportunity to do so. In case NBC and organizers haven’t realized yet, competition has been the core foundation of the Olympics since its birth. It’s annoying that the organizers and media have been trying hard to deviate from that. But, then again, it’s all about ratings, right?

Everything that the organizers of the 2012 London Olympics have done lately has been awful. The logo is tacky. The Orbital Tower looks like some failed artwork found in the dumpster of the Guggenheim Museum. As for the mascots? They might as well keep those adorable pandas from 2008 than spend countless hours designing those two alien freaks. The worst part? They have absolutely nothing to do with the spirit of competition. Since when was the Olympics ever about aesthetics and being a theatrical masterpiece? Why has London not done anything to compliment the spirit of competition?

While it is heartwarming to know that the organizers will pay homage to Eric Liddell, a Scottish gold-medalist from the 1924 Paris Summer Olympics who was made famous in the film “Chariots of Fire,” I believe the Olympic experience can be more enhanced if the organizers focused solely on the spirit of competition.

The UEFA Champions League has been doing a great job making their sport look like more than a game, a war. For a competition that is relatively tame in comparison to the NBA Playoffs, the Stanley Cup, and the Super Bowl, the Champions League has still found a way to make itself look like a battlefield through the Champions League theme song. The French Choir bellowing “The Chaaaaaaaampioooooons!” before and after the game makes the fans believe that their team is not just playing a game of championship soccer, they’re playing for this unexplainable glory that elevates the winning team and their fans beyond the universe. It makes a game of soccer look like the fate of the universe is at stake.

The 2012 London Olympics needs a makeover. There needs to be a theme song that doesn’t remind people about unity or peace, but lights the fire of competition in the hearts of both audiences and athletes. Tell Led Zeppelin and Judas Priest to collaborate and start composing.

The eyesore Orbit Tower near the stadium needs to be torn down and rebuilt with a sleek, silver structure made of top industrial steel while projecting holographic murals of history’s greatest athletes at night as a bright orange flame sits atop the peak of the tower. A tower so majestic that it will make Big Ben piss out clockworks because that new tower screams, “I CONQUER ALL.”

The logo needs to be a silhouette of an athlete surrounded by a giant flame with a caption on the top that says “For the glory that lasts generations,” and on the bottom “2012 London Olympics.” Since the Olympics is taking place in the United Kingdom, it’ll be befitting to model the silhouette after Eric Liddell.

Ultimately, I want to see an Olympics that emphasizes the competitive aspects more so than the diplomatic or artistic. I want to see blood boil in everyone’s veins because they are dying to see their countries dominate or defy expectations on the world stage in every sport that is offered.

That every nation will back their athletes and say, “He’s not just our nation’s best, he’s the world’s best and your athlete’s not.”

That is the true spirit of the Olympics and there is no denying it. So let’s have the games embrace it.

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