Monday, October 7, 2013

THE BOSS'S LIKES AND DISLIKES

King Henry

The Boss

Henny

Hen

The Chicken

Precious Pig

The man has many preferences, which amuses me to no end, seeing as he has only been on this side of the womb for a mere month.

He likes:
Getting his diaper changed. He didn't use to, but he's adjusted to having his clothes taken off and if he's crying, just change his diaper and he'll stop.
Eating. Duh. Plus, I pumped and learned that my milk is 1/4 watery stuff 3/4 super-cream, so basically I'm feeding him melted ice cream for every meal. What kid wouldn't like that?
Taking naps. Waking him up before he's ready simply won't happen.
Bathtime, as long as it's not too cold. He's quiet and cooperative the whole time, then sleeps like a new mother when it's over.
Being kissed right on the mouth. He opens wide and smiles big when you pull away.
Being wrapped tightly. He'll whine until he's swaddled, then he'll wiggle one or both of his arms out. It's misleading for the parent.

He dislikes:
Having the lint picked out of his fingers and toes. He clenches those things and there is no reasoning with King Henry's iron grip.
Being kissed on the neck. It gives him the shivers and he presses his shoulder against his neck. This is a shame, because that's one of his best spots.
Bad dreams, I'm guessing? Sometimes he wakes up real mad, and all I can attribute it to is that maybe he had some sort of baby-nightmare about no more boobs or something.

Downright offensive:
The booger bulb, or any other booger-extracting method including but not limited to tissues, burp cloths, and fingers. Screaming will ensue, along with drama-grunts (sounds like coughing).
Hunger, but especially if you try to give him a bip. He'll soon realize that it's broken and no melted ice cream is coming out of it, and he'll spit it out, whack it across the couch (most likely unintentionally), and scream until there's a working boob in his mouth. If he got particularly worked up, he'll keep moaning dramatically as he eats until you've gotten your share of stern talking-to. Profuse apologies are necessary.
Getting his nails clipped while he's awake. Don't even try. He'll fight and fuss, and it will turn into screaming, and you'll think you've clipped his poor, tiny finger, but you haven't (you search and search). The kid does not like his hands to be handled.

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