It would take you a long time to walk to an electronics store like Fry's here in the US wearing unlathed shoes, I suspect. They would likely give tongue when they finally made it and start singing fit to be tied, "Fry's, unlathed! Fry's unlathed! Great Gawd Amighty, I'm at Fry's unlathed!"

I think you ought to bring little incense thingies in with you and ligth them before you make your report, explaining it is to prevent impute thoughts from those present from breaking your stream of consciousness.

It's a sad day when I have to associate with politicians, and today is a sad, sad, sad day. At 11 a.m. I have to present our Service Level Report to the City Council, at 5:30 I have to go to a pre-Council Meeting Agenda Meeting, and at 6 p.m. I have to go to the Council Meeting. After I get home I have to was and shower thoroughly and read the Constitution six or eight times to purify myself in body and mind.

Amos, you walked off the page, leaving MOM hanging at 16598. What was I supposed to do? Post once then let her lie there in all her glory at 16599, exposed for a Flamenco Ted to pounce upon? Huh? What would you think of me if I did that?

No, it wasn't a sacrifice to Rapaire. With all due respect, no vegetables have been harmed in such an unworthy practice. However I did feed myself a carrot which pretty much decimated the carrot, purely as an act of self-preservation.

Why don't things like that happen to Shane? Speaking of which, it is rumored that Shane # 1 and Shane # 2 may actually meet soon in Blind River and come to blows over which one is the real Shane! This could be quite an event to witness. Will they fight it out mano a mano or will they attempt to drink their rival under the table?

A friend of mine sent this and I thought I'd better pass it on. Out here in Pocatello we don't have such luxuries as Home Depot or Lowe's, so it doesn't apply to me.

HOME DEPOT OR LOWE'S NEW SCAM

Hey, guys just wanted to throw a heads up to you. I know some of you guys shop at Home Depot & Lowe's.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping bags into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead they ask you for a ride to another Home Depot or Lowe's. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen February 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 27th. Also March 2nd, twice on the 3rd, three times just yesterday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance.

He said, "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish.

But, be warned: if you say something FALSE, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Bill Clinton stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most intelligent of us three," and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands.

Al Gore stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most aware of the environmental problems of us three," and in an instant, he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign.

Excited over the possibility of finally having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, "I think...,"

In my graciousness and sense of noblesse oblige, I forgive you. For your penance you will say three Hail Marys, three Our Fathers, and flagellate yourself for thirty minutes or until your sandals fill with blood, whichever comes first.

Current international standards on which planet? I dare you to tell a god that he is going to be prosecuted as though mortal. I can see it now--the great Thor, hammer in hand, cape swinging, sits in the witness box and gets ticked off because one of the jurors rolls her eyes at some piece of his testimony. He slams his hammer on the floor, and heads for Valhalla, leaving a gaping hole in the courthouse roof. The bailiff stands agape, his beer belly quivering over his broad belt and his all powerful Colthanging useless by his side. The winds blow through Thor's exit path, sprinkling dust and divine after-burner residue on the startled judge and jury...

Securing convictions had proved the hard part. Charging a god with overenthusiastic smiting, failure to carry out rainmaking duties or buggering about with causality is easy enough, but hard evidence is in short supply

Yes, you may well be after child support after Zeus got you pregnant disguised as a swan again, but how are you going to prove it? The chances of a swan appearing in court, throwing a few thunderbolts about to prove his credentials, and meekly paying up is, lets face it, not good.

ahhh- but the Code of Thor has been superceded. (Don't ask me how they managed to do an end-run around a God - but it's happenned) and current International standards are to prosecute Gods (and gods) as if mortal.

Possibly we are jumping to conclusions here - what if the Lawyers of Jupiter are not, as we seem to be assuming, *on* the planet Jupiter, but are rather the Lawyers representing the god Jupiter. given his propenisty for adulterous affairs, Jupiter certainly has need to retain lawyers.

It was Carl Sagan who said that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. This idea that there are lawyers on Jupiter is unsettling and certainly extraordinary. I call on Rapaire, who I am sure will not do so, to provide evidence about these lawyers. Have you ever gottten a subpoena from one of these rascals? WHy are they on Jupiter, anyway? Vacation ?

I know this leaves the field wide-open for lawyer jokes, but they started it.

Bunn, it's all in your technique. I also save soap that way, and find that with gentle persuasion, a light touch that allows one piece of soap that is almost dry to slide alongside the moist and slippery shard and slowly wiggle and massage them together, running ones thumb over and over the edges until the melding is complete. . . er, maybe you will first want to take this bar of soap into a cold shower?

Paying careful attention to Rapiere, I notice he has created the Lawyers of Jupiter. I know not if they are an obscure religious sect, a wandering band of 777 left handed banjo players, or merely a very long established law firm.

Besides it is well known that it is impossible to squeeze two bars of soap together without them making several escape attempts, and scattering pieces across a wide area. This would however explain the asteroid belt...

I wish to announce a wonderful new discovery that solves a long-time astronomical puzzle.

The other day when I was having a shower I noticed that the streaks in the bar of soap resembled the various lawyers on Jupiter and other planets. And when I squeezed a nearly-used-up bar of the same soap into the larger bar ("Waste not, want not" as my great-great aunt used to say) lo and behold! the result resembled the so-called "Great Red Spot" on Jupiter!

I therefore wish to announce that Jupiter and planets which demonstrate similar layering are simply humungous balls of soap and their "Great Spots" (of whatever color) are simply where the Universe is saving soap by continuing to use slivers of older soap balls.

I have been buried under stuff, things, deadlines and lack of sleep, therefore have not had the creative energy to meet the exacting standards of MOAB recently. I have dealt with these, and buried the evidence, so can now return with renewed energy and a strong drink.

Freds, it warms my heart to hear you let us know that everyone here is free. Thank you. Way things have been goin' the last eight years, it was beginning to look like the "free " part of our lives was goin't hell in a handbasket, right along with the "equal". It's jes' wunnerful how you can make a thing so like that by asserting it is so, and have it jes' be. It makes a powerful impression, I don't mind saying. Especially when the local aspirants to Undying Glory believe it takes a trillion of dollars and bunkerbusters, too.

Thank you. We tried those that you call "Republican" and found them to have an off-taste and not suitable for sensitive palates. But we are no longer looking at your planet as a source for yummy protein. We want to be your best friends and help you to achieve great things and good taste. Everyone here is free.