The Constant Dieter

I confess that there’s a reason I haven’t been blogging as much lately: I was actually very successful with my weight loss in 2008! I’m down a total of 17 pounds and I’ve started to lose again, thanks to eating lots of cereal and egg whites. So I guess I don’t have many struggles to tell you about because (dare I say it?), I’ve pretty much reached my goal! While I don’t think I’ll ever truly be happy with my body, I don’t feel like I want to lose much more weight right now. Another 10 would be nice but if I can at least maintain where I am now, I will be very proud of myself.

But, as a constant dieter, I am smart enough to know that this isn’t the end of my weight loss journey. It will always be a struggle for me – just some times are worse than other times. For now, though, I am in a good place, I am happy to say.

I want to pass on a mind trick that a friend does in order to avoid the "bad" foods she craves: She pretends she's allergic to them. As in, her allergy to these foods is that they cause her to gain weight. Some people get hives; she gains weight.

I think it's quite a funny way to enforce one's will power, but I could also see it being quite effective, if you can psych yourself into it so much so that you actually believe it!

I want to try it. So let me start by making a list of all my allergies:

My favorite chocolate cake

Real ice cream (not frozen yogurt)

Crispy peanut butter cookies

French fries

Two cookies I eat at 3pm almost every day

The second round of pecan pie that my aunt always insists I eat when I see her

The snitches of cookie dough when I'm baking

Any kind of bread

Pasta

The juice in my weekend Greyhound cocktail

Peanut butter cookies at work

I kind of like this idea -- that is, if I can really fool myself into avoiding things I love because I'm "allergic." I'll let you know if it works and if you try it, write to me at constantdieter@goodhousekeeping.com, and tell me how it went.

So I did it again. I knew it was wrong at the time. I really did. But I did it anyway.

I went grocery shopping when I was starving.

There you have it. In writing. I take full blame.

It was later than usual, and I only had a power bar for lunch. I left the office for the evening, but I wasn't outside 5 minutes before a "whoosh" came over me. It was the hand of hunger tapping me on my back. But it was more than a tap—it was a slap... That woozy, low blood sugar feeling that can’t be mistaken. I had to eat.

I went to the A&P supermarket, figuring that while I was there, I'd pick up a few things we needed anyway. Immediately I headed straight for the bakery area and scarfed down a stale roll chopped into pieces on the freebie pile on the counter. Felt better instantly, and only vaguely acknowledged how terrible the roll tasted. On I went.

A few hours later, after getting into a fight with the self-checkout machine (why do they think those save time?), making dinner for two and watching tv, I got the munchies. I opened the pantry, and I saw the most disgusting sight: Low-fat Fig Newtons, Snackwells and—I can't believe this—peanut butter pretzels. Peanut butter pretzels! What was I thinking?

I thought about how I wanted to kick myself, as I stole a few of the pretzels. I know better. It's the first thing a dieter knows not to do—go grocery shopping when she's starving! It's truly against the code of conduct for someone who's supposedly on a diet! Shame on me, Nicole. Shame on me.

The pressure's on to get back to dieting now that the holidays over. I pigged out a lot this season, especially since I was on vacation for two whole weeks. It was great to relax but NOT great for my waistline since I pretty much munched all day, every day. :(

But I don't feel that guilty about it; I just feel that it's time to get back on the dieting wagon. I think I can fend off any extra pounds I might've gained if I can get back to business ASAP. How will I do it? If you've been reading my recent blog entries, you'll know how: eating a lot of cereal and egg whites. I just love them and they keep me from being hungry all the time.

But I confess that I am sick of making New Year's resolutions to lose weight. And it's on my mind beacuse of the commercials that Valerie Bertinelli has been doing for Jenny Craig lately. You know the ones -- where she's tearing up because this year, for once, she doesn't need to make a resolution to lose weight since she lost the weight last year. I get it, Val. The thought of waking up on New Year's Day and NOT making a resolution to lose weight must be so liberating. I can only imagine.

Ok, that's it. My resolution for 2009 is to NOT have next year's resolution be to lose weight. I would love to have a year where I can make a resolution to do something else (read more? go out more? learn how to meditate?). I realy would.

Since the dieting gods don't seem to be granting me any wishes, I thought I'd ask Santa for help instead:

Dear Santa,

How I was good this year: Ate healthy breakfasts on most days, like egg whites with toast or oatmeal.

How I was bad this year: Let's all say it together, now: COOKIES.

What I avoided this year: To gain more weight. I've stayed the same weight all year long. The same 20 pounds still need to come off, but at least it didn't creep up to 25!

This year, I've been good and I've been bad, as you no doubt know from my blog entries here. Some days are better than others, but I have good intentions regardless. I know I haven't lost the weight I said I would at the start of 2007, but I did give it a good try. The Fat Smash diet worked for a while, and I tried hard to not pig out every day. But, Santa, I still have a long way to go, which is why I need your help.

Here's what I, a woman in her late 30's, wants for Christmas:

a fat-free, calorie-free cookie that tastes homemade

pants that makes me look 2 sizes smaller (with no undergarments!)

a diet that lets me lose 20 pounds by eating brownies all day

boots that fit my huge but short calves

a friend who wants to know how she can get love handles like mine since she admires them so much

a world where women who are size 12 are looked at as the ideal, rather than size 2

I know I'm asking for a lot of miracles, Santa, but I could really use your help! In fact, I'm counting on it. So unless I hear from you otherwise, I will meet you around midnight under the tree on 12/25.

And make sure you bring an extra pair of your pants for me because I think that's the only pair that will fit me after all the eating I'm doing this holiday season! :)

Lately I've been going to a lot of holiday parties, where home-baked sweets are shown off, finger foods tempt, booze flows... and diets go out the window. Or almost.

I've been trying to adopt what I did for Thanksgiving -- relax about it all and zoom in on the stuff I really want. Rather than stressing about every little morsel, I just focus my cravings.

When I arrive at a party, I first scope out the situation by taking a slow, unobtrusive walk around the party to survey what munchies are being offered. And I look for THE thing. THE thing that I want to eat so badly I know I can't resist. (Last night, it was warm brie and crackers.) Then I make the decision to zoom in on that particular thing. And I go for it.

By being more calculated about it, I feel like I'm not wasting calories on eating things that I don't really want. Otherwise, I know I'd work my way around a room, and sample 4 or 5 different things before finding THE thing, the party food I can't resist. Then I'll regret all the sampling I did and wish I hadn't so that I could eat more of what I wanted (yum, brie).

Although I find I eventually tire of nibbling on what was my favorite thing, by the time I move on to the next party food, I'm already pretty full from what I ate before, so I'll eat less of whatever it is.

All in all, by zooming in, I get to eat the stuff I love, and less of what I don't. And I get to relax at the same time, and worry less about how many calories I'm consuming since I know I at least thought about what I was doing. I'm conscience of my eating decisions, and able to indulge in a smart(er) way.

I did exactly what I said I'd do at Thanksgiving and zoomed in on the foods I really, really wanted. Stuff I love and none of the stuff I don't. That is, until dessert rolled around. Suddenly, I had to have a little of it all: pumpkin pie, coconut cream pie, chocolate cake, brownie bites, rice pudding and the list goes on. I literally had some of all of it over several hours and boy, did I pay for it the next day. My stomach was killing me!

But since I pigged out so much that day, I now feel like my stomach has expanded. When I eat, I end up eating more than I want to. More than I need to. And yet I never seem to feel satisfied. I've had good intentions of cutting back, and eating foods that will help me detox like fruits and vegetables. But inevitably I find myself rooting around the fridge and nibbling on Thanksgiving leftovers. A little potato here, a little cranberry sauce there, even midnight visits to the kitchen. I took home so many leftovers that this nibbling seems like it'll never end! It's starting to scare me, like I'm going to gain back the weight I just lost by pigging out this much. I really wouldn't want that to happen.

In fact, I'm sort of at the point where I feel the urge to finish all the leftovers as quickly as possible so that I can go back to having a bare cupboard with no temptations. As if, the quicker I wipe the slate clean, the faster I can go back to dieting. In a way - in a backwards way - one could say that I should eat the leftovers as quickly as possible so that I can go back to dieting as quickly as possible. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

Thanksgiving's here in a few days and for dieters like me, it can be a like a living nightmare. Everywhere I turn there's a picture of something mouth-wateringly delicious; or someone eating something mouth-wateringly delicious; or someone talking about eating something mouth-wateringly delicious. In other words, it's a seriously hard time of year to watch the waistline.

But here are a few ways I plan on dealing with it:

I plan on zooming in on the dishes I know I love to eat and ignoring the rest. For example, I am in love with my mother's stuffing. I already know I'm going to pig out on it, so instead of first taking a small scoopful and refilling 3 (or 4 or 5) times, I'm going to have a big heap of it from the start -- so much that it'll be my main entrée. I confess that turkey isn't one of my favorite meats so I plan on ignoring it all together that day. Call that sacrilegious but I'd much rather eat the other stuff!

Exercising an extra time earlier in the week because I know I won't want to work out the day of Thanksgiving or the day after. (Although, a reality check: I haven't been exercising at all so even exercising once will be more than usual for me!)

Not picking at appetizers much. For me, Thanksgiving isn't about appetizers -- it's about the big dinner and lots of desserts. I admit I'll be doing this mostly so that I can leave room in my stomach for everything I want to eat, but I suppose it's a good way to watch the caloric intake, too.

No big breakfast or lunch that day. Instead, I'll probably have one slice of toast and egg whites in the morning so that I have energy the rest of the day. Since I know I'll be eating more than enough calories at dinner, I figure I can save the calories I would've had at breakfast and lunch and use them -- so to speak -- during dinner. I realize calories don't necessarily work like frequent flyer miles, but so be it.

I am going to try hard to remember that the next day I will be eating the same meal all over again for leftovers, so there is no need to eat like I'll never have these dishes again.

Overall, though, I will not be sweating this holiday too much because, after all, it's once a year. I just want to relax, eat, drink and not worry so much. I mean, when else has the world given us permission to pig out? Every other day of the year I feel guilty about eating too much. But on this day, it's actually encouraged. So I better take advantage of this while I can! ;)

Sorry for the lapse in my writing. I've been down and out with a horrific stomach flu. It hit me like a ton of bricks! I'll spare you the gory details but, suffice it to say that anything that went in eventually came back out... for several days on end. (Yes, I know you needed to know that. ;)

I spent 4 straight days in a feverish haze, moving between the couch, the bathroom and my bed. I was so sick that I could barely even watch television or read.

Even though I was sleeping most of the time, I was still able to think about the upside of having the flu: Maybe I'll lose some weight from it.

I know it sounds terrible but c'mon. Who hasn't thought that? In no way do I support getting sick to lose weight, obviously. But if you HAVE to get sick, why not lose some weight at the same time? I see no problem with that. So I was envisioning how svelte I'd be when I was feeling better. How I'd go back to work and people would tell me how great I looked.

So this morning I woke up and finally felt much better. To celebrate my return to health, I hopped right on the scale....only to discover that I had lost 2 pounds. 2 pounds? Yes, a measly 2 pounds. Not eating for 4 days resulted in only 2 pounds of weight loss. I just can't believe it. Oh well, I shouldn't complain. Two pounds is two pounds, I guess. I just wish it was more. It would've been like the silver lining in this cloud of germs.

Meanwhile, dear reader: Stay healthy and wash your hands. Apparently this stomach flu is making its away around NYC so consider yourself forewarned!

Recently there's been buzz about the Morning Banana Diet that's all the rage in Japan. As you know, I'm always looking for that magical diet so I decided to investigate.

It seems that the diet is centered around eating a banana for breakfast and eating sensibly the rest of the day, with lunch, dinner, and an afternoon snack. Eat dinner by 8pm and "exercise only if you want to."

And that's it.

Yup, that's it. No banana-based recipes to make. No banana-based drinks to flush you out. No power walking with a banana in each hand. Just eat a banana for breakfast and the weight will fall right off.

Yeah, right.

This diet seems to have originated from a book called the Amazingly Simple Banana Diet. When I found the book on Amazon, I discovered that it was originally published in 1995 and hasn't been updated since. But here's the crazy thing: Its price tag is $76.04! $76.04 for a diet book!! That seems like an unusually high price tag for any book, never mind one that's more than a decade old. Is it me, or is there something fishy going on here? I don't get it.

But the Japanese don't seem to care. According to the article in Time, this diet has gotten so popular that it's created chaos within the banana industry. A representative from Dole Japan explained,

"In a way this is an emergency...We've been importing bananas from the Philippines for the past 40 years, but this is the first time something like this happened to us, and we find it very difficult to cope."

Huh? The head of Dole is finding it "hard to cope" because of the high demand for bananas? I sincerely hope there was an error in the translation.

Call me cynical, but I find it hard to believe that this diet is for real. It seems like a marketing strategy by Dole to get people to eat more bananas. In a way, I actually find this diet insulting to us constant dieters: As if we're so gullible to believe that doing no more than eating a banana for breakfast is going to melt the pounds away. As if "exercising only if you want to" is good, sound advice. Come on. We didn't just start dieting yesterday.

I'm always looking for that slam dunk, like anyone else. But this is just...bananas! (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

I love Halloween. It’s so fun to dress up and be a different person for a night. But this year I decided to lay low and stay home.

I waited until the day of Halloween to buy some candy for the trick or treaters because, after all, if I bought candy any earlier it would've been gone by the time the night came around. So I went to the local supermarket, where the aisles had already been picked through. But still, quite a variety remained: Kit Kats, Snickers, Tootsie Rolls… It was all so tempting. I put a bag of Snickers bars in my cart, and started to walk away. But I quickly realized I was only getting Snickers because I loved them; I doubted most kids loved them (I know I always hated nuts growing up). So I went back and opted for a bag of the Kit Kat bars instead.

I continued my shopping, but just before heading to the checkout line, I went back to the candy aisle one more time. I stood there, rationalizing why I should get one more type of candy in case someone doesn’t like Kit Kats. After all, I’d hate for the trick or treaters to be disappointed. So I grabbed some candy corn and a bag of Dum Dum lollipops.

While waiting on line to check out, I started having buyer’s remorse. What if no one rings my doorbell? What if I’m stuck all night with three bags of candy? What if I’m stuck all WEEKEND with three bags of candy?

As I got closer to the front of the line, I started questioning whether I should be doing this at all. Maybe I should only buy one bag like I originally planned. I didn’t really have to have three kinds. So I put back the lollipops and the candy corn.

I felt better immediately. For once, I had managed to edit myself before it was too late. I could handle just one bag of candy. I'll get so many visitors that one bag will be gone in no time. It’ll be easy to avoid eating any of them. I can do this.

As I started to check out, I had a last-minute panic attack. It was like a voice inside of me yelling, Wait! Don’t do it! Don’t go home alone with a whole bag of Kit Kats! You’ll end up eating the whole thing yourself.

So I slowly put down the Kit Kats and backed away and off the line. I actually ended up leaving, abandoning everything I had intended to buy.

But when I pulled out of the parking lot, I actually felt relieved. Relieved that I had made a healthy choice for once. Relieved that I wasn’t going to have to face a battle with myself as to why I can eat just one more. Relieved that I won’t have a stomachache tomorrow after having overdone it the night before. I felt bad about not being there for the trick or treaters but not that bad.

I drove on. I turned on the radio. I thought about how I could do some Pilates when I got home since I was feeling motivated.

But then it happened: A big Snickers bar made an appearance inside my head. I tried to think about other things; I tried to sing along to some 80s song on the radio. But that stupid Snickers bar wouldn't go away.

And then I thought about how it was Halloween, the one time a year that it’s actually expected to eat candy. Like you’re a scrooge if you don’t. And how I ain't no scrooge. ;)

So I swung into a gas station and bought one Snickers bar. Just one.

And once I was home, I turned off my house lights so that no trick or treaters would ring the bell. I found a horror movie on a random cable channel, settled in on the couch, and dove right into the Snickers. I even licked the chocolate off my fingers. And it was delicious.

Today I met a friend for brunch and we picked a restaurant near my apartment. But when we showed up, we discovered that the line to get in was all the way around the block. Yes, around the block! At 11am no less! Never mind that there are dozens of places to eat brunch right there. DOZENS. But none of the other restaurants had lines; in fact, most of them seemed empty. I couldn't imagine that the food was so amazing it's worth waiting an hour for. I mean, we're talking pancakes and egg whites. Hardly gourmet. So my friend and I went to the place next door instead.

The menu at this restaurant was almost identical to the one next door. I ordered an egg white omelet (I know, big surprise) and she ordered scrambled eggs with an English muffin. We were both very good! No pancakes for either of us. The restaurant was quiet and relaxing, and we stayed for an hour and a half just catching up and drinking coffee.

While we sat there and chatted, I couldn't help but notice the other patrons coming and going. A few big tables of families; a couple reading the newspaper; an elderly woman eating alone. They were all very different from one another, but they had two things in common: They were all pigging out and they were all having a good time.

The family had plates on top of plates on their table: I could see pancakes, waffles, sides of bacon and sausage, eggs. You name it, they had it. The couple was passing two plates back and forth between each other: one with pancakes and eggs; the other with waffles a la mode, with vanilla ice cream, apples and caramel. Even the elderly woman was eating a burger and fries. But everyone seemed to be having fun. Lots of laughing and talking.

When I first noticed that everyone (except for us) was pigging out, I admit I felt a little competitive: Look at what they're eating and look at we're eating! Ha! We didn't even break out diets.

I even felt a quick glimmer of disgust: Don't those people know they shouldn't eat like that? I mean, caramel for breakfast?! But I quickly stopped myself from that train of thought when I realized how much fun everyone was having. You couldn't miss it - the whole place was alive.

And it reminded me, once again, that there's more to life than dieting. Relaxing and having fun with friends and family is really where the focus should be, not on who's eating what and how many calories you'll have to burn off.

So that's exactly what I did. I relaxed, and settled into our booth even further. I asked my friend to tell me more about her life, and then asked the waitress to bring a slice of pie. With ice cream. And caramel.

I'm so happy that Autumn is back! This is the best time of year to be in NYC: The leaves are turning, the air smells clean and crisp, and there's not a lick of humidity. Today there isn't even a cloud in the sky!

The farmer's markets are fantastic right now. I love the apples especially. I've been eating so many recently that it reminded me of a diet I was on that had you load up on apples and milk, together, because they cause you to feel really, really full. This diet in particular had you eating an apple and drinking a glass of milk for breakfast and two snacks throughout the day. Together they make you feel really bloated and full, so when you go to eat "regular" meals, you eat less. I cannot, for the life of me, remember which diet this was so clearly I didn't stay on it for very long. But since then, I've always remembered about the apple and milk combo and I've been eating more it lately.

The downside to having Fall back is that the cooler temperatures make me want to eat more. As you know, I spent the whole summer eating really lightly - cereal, egg whites, etc. But we've had a few cold days already, and on most of them I ate much more than I normally do. And the things I chose to eat (yikes!) were macaroni and cheese, burgers, fries, pasta... you get the idea.

Maybe it's psychosomatic, but since the weather changed, I feel like I'm craving these types of heavy foods much more. I wonder if there's something akin to Seasonal Affective Disorder... something like - Seasonal Eating Disorder? Where, when the change of season arrives, you feel uncontrollable cravings for fattening foods? In a way, it'd be great if there were because then there might be a pill you could take to make the cravings subside. Valium for cravings? I wish.

In my duty as the Constant Dieter, I thought it pertinent to show you this very funny email I received from a friend. It pretty much sums up how I've been feeling about exercising lately!

>>

Dear Diary,

For my 60th birthday this year, my daughter Rachel (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups (although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around). This is going to be a fantastic week!!

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air -- then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!!

It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed, and her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late -- it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she wasn't looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.

She sent some skinny b*tch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:

I hate that b*tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader! If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!

And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice, wondering why I didn't show up today. Just hearing her message made me want to smash the machine with my fist. But since I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote control, I ended up catching 11 straight hours of the Weather Channel instead.

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter Rachel (the little snot) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!

The other day I wrote about buffets, and my lack of will power with them. I asked if anyone had any tips for dealing with buffets, and I got so many suggestions! Thank you all. Here are two of my favorites:

Buffet wisdom from Elissa:

All you have to do is plan on having 'seconds'. It's inevitable, and you know no matter how hard you try to resist, you feet will take you back to that table and you're going to go crazy on the pastas and fried food. So, just think very carefully about your first plate. What I do is load up on salad. I don't mean just a nice cute salad that screams "I'M DIETING!!!" I mean, fill your entire plate with a heaping pile of lettuce and then cover it with veggies and maybe a little pasta salad or something. Also, always get the soup if there is any (as long as it isn't cream based) because soup will make you feel more full than you actually are because it's hot and liquid. So, once you eat all that salad (force yourself to finish it) and some soup, you are free to go back to the buffet and get whatever you want on that second plate. I guarantee you will hardly be hungry enough to even consider finishing everything you have on plate #2.

Buffet wisdom from Roxanna:

Scan the entire buffet before even picking up a plate. Pick out 3 or 4 items you must have. Then grab a plate and do 2:1 portions of healthy food to your craving foods. When you go to eat, eat two bites of veggies, then one bite of your choice food. Keep doing that and eat slowly. That way, the fiber in the veggies will help fill you up faster and you won't go for seconds and thirds.

Thanks to you both for submitting such great tips for all us to use! Keep ‘em coming. :)

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