Your Morning Dooley

"At prisint whin a man is needed f'r a govermint office, he is called on to set down with a sheet of pa-aper an' a pot iv ink an' say how manny times eight-an'-a-half will go into a line dhrawn fr'm th' base iv th' hypothenoose, an' if he makes th' answer bright an' readable, they give him a place administherin' th' affairs iv a proud people that cudden't tell a hypothenoose fr'm a sea-lion."

-- Finley Peter Dunne, 1899.

Charles P. PierceCharles P Pierce is the author of four books, mostly recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Esquire participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.