let go or be dragged

downers: man sandals

by yoonanimous on July 2, 2012

People love themselves some summer. My own relationship with summer is conflicted. What I don’t like about summer is that summer brings out man sandals, and I have a big problem with man sandals (“mandals”).

I realize it’s unfair to disparage an entire seasonal category of footwear. But I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I have NEVER seen a pair of men’s sandals that I felt good about.

Tom wears mandals. I have a job and two sons and I can’t monitor Tom all the time. But he doesn’t wear them in public, and he doesn’t wear them when he’s with me. It’s in my marriage contract, look it up. Although he wears them, when I asked Tom to model some of his sandals, he threw a sh*tfit of such epic proportions that I was frankly taken aback. And some of the friends who own the feet in this post allowed me to use their photos on the condition that their identities are kept anonymous. Which all leads me to the conclusion that deep down, men know that man sandals are wrong.

Acceptance is always the first step to recovery. Below, some of the most popular mandals.

1. Slides

Are you David Beckham? Wait, back up. Are you David Beckham, and stepping out of a shower at this very moment? If so, my number is 503-YOU-FINE; call me. If you are not David Beckham stepping out of a shower and you are wearing these to do anything other than the recycling, what the hell are you doing? These slides were really big when I was in middle school, when the popular kids wore them to class with tube socks. I have, like, two fond memories of middle school, and the fact that I was not popular, and hence never did that, is one of them. As an aside, I admit that the feet above belong to people in my family, but the smaller feet came home from school with the socks. You can be damn sure that they did not leave my house with them.

2. Fisherman sandals

When I see these on a grown man, my soul cries. For some reason, these are popular with many of my lawyer friends, like Doug (above) and Ben (below), who are both totally boss because each allowed me to use a photo of him wearing fisherman sandals that includes his face. Anyway, they may be popular with professionals because they seem like a more serious man sandal option. And they are serious alright, in the sense that religion is serious, and the only grown man in the history of time who has pulled these off is Jesus. The irony in professionals gravitating towards the fisherman sandal is that this type of mandal makes men look especially infantile, because they are essentially a modified version of these. It pains me to write this, because I have friends reading this post right now while wearing fisherman sandals. You know who you are. I know who you are. And it’s going to be ok.

3. Keens

I hate Keens. I HATE THEM. Keen makes some cute sneakers, but their bread and butter is this monstrosity, which is like the unwanted bastard offspring of a trail sneaker and an Aquasock. If you have a boy child between the ages of 2 and 12 and you have tried to buy a cute summer shoe only to be confronted with these Keens in twelve different colors as your only options, I sympathize. They have overtaken the market and I consider it National Priority No. 1 that they be stopped.

The thing that I don’t get about Keens functionally is that they cover so much of the foot that you lose the point of wearing sandals, which is to keep your feet aired out. Anyone who has smelled their child’s Keens after a day of wear knows that there is absolutely no airing out going on whatsoever. So, why do these shoes continue to exist? I’m hoping that someone will educate me in the comments; I am all ears.

4. Crocs

What can I say about Crocs that hasn’t already been said? I can say that I find them cute on children, but that could be the Stockholm syndrome talking. I can also tell a story, about the time that Tom went on a man trip with some men with guns. Beer, cigars, and poker were had. The next morning, Tom woke up to find pieces of his orange Crocs strewn across the property, because someone had shot them up after he fell asleep. To that anonymous man, I say: well done, sir.

Crocs also bring me to a point that should have been made up front. And that is this: in general, your chances of pulling off a pair of mandals depends in great part on how attractive you and your feet are. I am sorry to put it out there like that, but there it is. It helps if your feet are tan, for starters. Tom’s feet are so pale that in the wrong light, they look blue. He also has toes that are better described as, well, knuckles. Suffice it to say that Tom is better off keeping his dogs covered. But sometimes, it just doesn’t matter how hot you are. My friend Eric (below) is very hot. And dare I say that even he isn’t up to the challenge. In that regard, I guess Crocs are the Great Equalizer.

5. Flip flops

I know I’m going to get pushback on this one. I think a pair of cheap rubber flip flops or Reefs is probably acceptable–if you’re hot, 18, or at the beach. I have not met the guy in the picture above, who is a friend of a friend, but clearly he is at the beach, given the sand, and hot, given that he is pulling off flip flops and wearing sideways seersucker.

What I find unacceptable are the flip flops that have thick soles on them, or leather trim, or some other gussied-up detail that is designed to make the flip flop seem street legal. Below, my case in point. The feet below belong to my friend John, whom I adore. But the fact that I adore him makes these mandals no less of an abomination. Tom saw this photo and suggested with a straight face that these shoes would be great for camping, for when you “accidentally kick a tree root.” I grant that these might be ok in that sole instance. Outside of that one circumstance, I can’t think of even one other situation in which these would be acceptable, and that includes fleeing a housefire in the dead of night. Repeat after me: just because someone makes and sells them, doesn’t mean you should buy them.

To conclude: guys, don’t give me any bull about mandals being the only viable summertime option. Sneakers (Chuck Taylor, Jack Purcell, Tretorn, Superga, etc.) are almost always going to look ok, assuming you are capable of wearing them without socks. Toms stay cool and are comfortable, if you don’t mind walking on cardboard. Boat shoes maybe, if you can pull them off, but don’t assume you are a good judge of whether you can pull them off–you have teens in your life for that. Point being, there are options.

I hope you take this post in the spirit in which it was written, which is, in dead seriousness. Happy Monday.

Related

I’m sorry but sandals on grown men look ridiculous. Even worse is the egregious flip flop thong. Flip flops have got to be the most tasteless accessory a man or woman can don on their feet. The only sandal styles that have finesse are women’s styles worn with evening gowns or business apparel. Other than that all other casual sandal styles are just plain ugly.

When women with ugly or disgusting, unkempt feet quit imposing them on all of God’s Creation, then by all means, express your opinion. It’s like fat people who are just full of nutritional advice for those are in shape.

I LOVE to wear sandals. I wear them about 340 days of the year. I wear all types–dollar store flip flops with narrow straps, J Crew flip flops, Tevas, Birks, Chacos, Gurkees, Original Topless & I’m planning to get a pair of Lunas. I get pedicures every 3-4 weeks. I’m also African-American, which makes me very unique. Most AA males refuse to wear foot-exposing sandals, wearing those stupid Adidas slides with socks on or the clunkiest Fisherman style. The only law against men wearing sandals are those we place on ourselves. I’ll keep wearing my foot-liberating footwear until the day I die, when they’ll bury me barefoot anyway. My attitude is “Let them look, Let them stare, It’s my life, I don’t care”.

While I just spent the past month trying to “encourage” the man in my life to purchase flip-flops, this remains wildly hysterical. And, oh so true. I do think The Gossling could be categorized with Beckham here. Thank you for penning what every wise woman should already know.

I feel the exact same way about man sandal–they’re gross and horrible and disgusting. However, I do wear cheap 3.50 Old Navy flip-flops to run to the bodega or the post office, sometimes even the grocery story. I compare it to dogs–I don’t really like dogs much, but if I must be around a dog, I prefer it be a big one, which seems odd, because you’d think a body would want less of something it doesn’t like. Flip-flops are similar–if one must, just get the flip-floppiest of flip-flops you can find, don’t try to doll that shit up.

LOVE!! My boyfriend was so proud of the cheap plastic flip flops that he wore all summer that I didn’t have the heart to tell him they were hideous and unacceptable as around-town footwear. But, well done, madam. In all seriousness.

I ran into this post because I Googled “old man sandals”. The reason I did this is that my wife was making fun of my velcro strap sandals and I was interested in how “uncool” I really was. According to this post I am VERY uncool! However, one thing that is very encouraging here is that I am not alone. Us men love to wear sandals! And after thinking about this, I am amazed that someone could be impassioned and judgmental enough to actually write an entire article on this topic (complete with carefully uploaded photos!). I believe the author’s intention was to somehow discourage us. Very sorry! Your article has encouraged me in the other direction. With even greater pleasure now, I will gladly don my sandals. And when the weather cools, I am going to include socks! Hope you catch a glimpse of me! 🙂

Im a Brit and not eccentric..incase our cousins over the pond think we are all a bit crazy! In Europe its possible to buy really well crafted leather sandals with or without straps. France Italy and Spain and Greece come to mind. Most are made by small companies and are all hand made. Guys do wear sandals as I do. Happy feet makes a happy person. You like sneakers? fine. You like loafers then fine. Wear what you want to but don’t make crass comments about what folks should or shouldn’t wear. Guys wearing good leather sandals are as cool as anyone and often have better dress sense as they know how things should look. Rant over and don’t be so intolerant. You know what? Vive la differance.

I have just finished reading all the replies here. The vast majority are posted by “foot phobes”. Has it ever occured to ANY of you that feet get pale, gnarly, deformed and smelly BECAUSE they are imprisoned in shoes and socks all the time? And look what high heels do to womens’ feet! The simple answer is just go barefoot. Bare feet get tanned, strong and healthy and look great with anything, IMHO. I go barefoot everywhere, all year, and keep a pair of flip flops if I absolutely have to have some sortt of footwear. My feet are strong and healthy, nicely tanned in summer (with no silly sandal tan lines!) and I keep them clean and the nails trimmed. A lady at our church recently commented that I had “beautiful feet”. Yes, I go to church barefoot as well, and I am the organist there. And, as a final note, driving barefoot is NOT against the law. It is perfectly legal in all US states and Canadian provinces. Have a great (barefoot) day, everyone!

Instead, my heart is full of pity when I see feet mangled from the abuse of high-heels an other shoes which don’t respect in any way the human physiology. However, I respect every choice and one should be able to choose what is better for him, regardless of what the other people think. The main theaching is to respect the others as you have to respect yourself. For me, going barefoot is much better,it’s the way intended by nature, and this is my choice.
If you don’t like to see bare feet, turn your head toward another direction.

Hun, it sounds like you have serious issues with feet. If you don’t like them than don’t look. ANY person has the right to be comfortable in life, and don’t need any critisizim from you. I’m sure you have some falts too, and I’m pretty sure you would’t want to be critisized for them either. So why can’t we live and let live and just mind our own business and look up instead of down at peoples feet.

Is this post serious? Shoes are full of bacteria and incubate fungus. Yuck! Personally, I walk everywhere barefoot. Food stores, clothing stores, hardware stores, movie theaters, all kinds of restaurants, hiking, camping, boating, everywhere. Fresh air and sunshine is great for feet.

No shoes, No Shirt, No Service is a huge myth. Why are shoes and shirts always implied as going together? Anyhow, walking barefoot is extremely comfortable and very healthy. Try it and don’t worry about what others think. You aren’t doing anything wrong by walking barefoot.

First off, not all sandals are “mandals”, some are well fitted and look actually good. Second, what to wear with shorts, then? Some people would swear any sock look bad with shorts. Third, male feet can be as attractive as yours.

I live in a small Indonesian city where eligible bachelors are few and far between and mandals run wild. I met a man this weekend, however, who was sculpted by god himself specifically for me. Most of what he said was music to my ears (like, “I hate it when people throw cigarette butts on the beach”) but my heart stopped when he was leaving my house yesterday morning and as he tied his beautifully cared for leather boots he said “Other Indonesian men make fun of me because I don’t wear sandals, but I don’t think that men should wear sandals. They look sloppy.” All I could do was kiss him and beg him not to go on his business trip.

Of course men shouldn’t wear sandals. First of all, it is weak looking. Second, men never wore sandals or flip-flops (except at beach or in shower setting) until the 90’s when the fashion industry started pushing it to make money. Third, who wants to look at men’s feet!!! disgusting.

Sandals and socks, or I should say slides and socks are a big thing here in Florida. The athletic kids/jocks from middle school to college wear them everywhere. The biggest brands being Jordan, Nike, and Adidas.

Your argument that men shouldn’t wear sandals is ridiculous. I’m aware that most men don’t take care of their feet, but I’m not one of them. My wife wife is jealous of my feet because they look nicer and more feminine than hers. Also, I must tell you, sandals on woman with nice looking feet is very sexy, but most women, like men, don’t have nice looking feet, so your argument against men’s sandals seems somewhat hypocritical. Like any other article of clothing, such as jeans, sandals, etc., the rule of thumb should be that if you look good in it, wear it; otherwise, don’t bother, regardless of your gender.

In every generation there are people who break rules. In the 1970s & 80s there are people going to school in sandals in N. America and they get noticed since the majority is still in sneakers. Time has changed and summers are getting hotter. And then there used to be people in China including many local officials who wine and dine in sandals. Back then there was no concept of formal wear. We all have better things to do than to criticize other people’s lack of fashion common sense…

Love this. I despise crocs in any form. They are like Tupperware for your feet. They are bulky, ugly, and plastic. Comfort should not be the only concern (not that I know they are comfortable as I have never tried them on). They remind me of jellies from the 80’s. Never could understand why anyone would want to wear plastic shoes. Of course you can’t wear socks with plastic shoes, and yet plastic can only stick to your feet. Again, I don’t get the attraction. As for mandals, my husband pulls off his Birkenstocks, sans socks, and his Tevas, also sans socks, quite well. Thanks for the post!

Thought of one you missed. The dreaded Birkenstock. Good lord those are hideous. I have to admit we are a slippah (flip flop) wearing family, hubby is from Hawaii so its almost a necessity. He was given as a gift a pair of those Reef slippahs with bottle opener on the bottom. One night when friends were over, drinking a few beers, he went to use said bottle opener, then stopped. Realizing that someone was going to put their mouth on this bottle After he had used the bottle opener which mind you is on the bottom of his slippah ( thinking now about everything he’d stepped in or walked in that day) and realize the grotesqueness of using his slippah sole as a bottle opener. Needless to say, they will never be used as a bottle opener.

Yoona (iPhone thinks your name to “tunes” btw)- I stalked your blog for a few days before formally “tracking” you – I felt like if you could put it out there I could at least have the guts to out myself as a reader and now groupie! What clinched my yoo-ppreciation was your 1-503-YOU-FINE shout out to DB, while tour devotion to your pale, mandel-wearing spouse was a given! Thank you for the hilarious, self-effacing, hip and clever written posts, which by the way read as though they are written effortlessly in stream-of-consciousness brilliance. And don’t worry, despite my email address your blog is read by only me and not by my spouse (your friend-and-sometimes-legal adversary). – Alison

I loved your post! I totally agree with your fabulous main point (oh, that others would see how obvious it truly is): “Repeat after me: just because someone makes and sells them, doesn’t mean you should buy them.”

I have to agree with everything you say about men’s footwear in summer. But my man wears flip flops in the summer. He does have the expensive kind and they are the only thing that looks like I can tolerate him. Hahahaha. BTW I have to hide my eyes and turn my head at some of the hideous footwear that I see people wearing at big box stores.

Funny funny stuff…except for the flip flops. Rainbow sandals are pretty much the only thing I’ve been wearing for a decade or so. Standard issue, tan leather, no frills…just right. Of course, I live at the beach in Costa Rica…

Nice work Yoona… flip-flops (or thongs as we call them down under… the other down under) are apart of our national costume… sad really…. but we do draw the line where socks are concerned. Love the salt water mandals btw – Thanks for the link 🙂 *ducks for cover.

You people need to stop labelling everything. What the hell is mandals? Since when is sandals is only for woman? You should come to Indonesia or Malaysia some day and enjoy the scene where every man and woman wear sandals without being afraid of discrimination. Open your eyes.

What a great post. There are some mandal wearers in Oz that add socks to the presentation. Tray Sheek. Is that really sand in the photo of the sideways seersucker wearer with flip flops (we call them thongs)? It looks like gravel and dirt in a carpark. Bruce

Jesus Yoona, you really blew the doors off with this post – nice work.

This said, as a participant in the pre-dev stages of this post, I am seriously disappointed that Rainbows did not get a nod as “appropriate summer male footwear”. A man needs 4 pairs of shoes all summer: 1) Rainbows, 2) topsiders, 3) brown slip ons, and 4) orange crocs.

I don’t mind men wearing sandals IF- they are uncomplicated such as slides or flip-flops, and they do NOT wear socks with them, AND they don’t have bizarre looking weird feet.

My son falls into the bizarre looking weird feet category. Ever see a man (he’s 21) with a 13 A foot and overgrown, rapier-sharp toenails? Ewwwww! He wisely keeps his bird-claw feet covered with socks and either work boots or skate shoes at all times, except for sleeping, showering or swimming.

My husband doesn’t have terribly weird looking feet- they’re wide but otherwise not too irregular- but he refuses to leave the house without socks. Occasionally he will wear moccasins but his footwear of choice is the Old Man Velcro Tennis Shoe, in plain black leather only. Not a terribly attractive footwear choice, but I can’t seem to change his mind on that one.

Point of view from a man: Comfort trumps fashion, IMHO – but you also went out of your way to choose the ugliest and most impractical sandals to feature. There are plenty of sandals for men that are practical and attractive, if you’d bother to look for them. The higher-end flip-flops are actually attractive, comfortable, and practical, so I’m not sure why you nixed them.

Really, the only rule for me regarding sandals (for either gender) is NOT WITH SOCKS! Wearing socks with sandals is ridiculous. Otherwise, celebrate (almost) bare feet and embrace sandals for all genders of feet.

What do you think of keens with a banana hammock? I ask because I witnessed this this weekend. I know my opinion, but does the distraction of the banana hammock take focus away from the keens, or does it just add up to something even more awe inspiring?

I don’t have anything whatsoever wrong with men walking around barefoot. The barefoot look is usually a good one, even with gnarly feet. Hence why I think man-sandals only work when they show the maximum amount of foot possible – all these glorified-shoes-with-holes you’ve shown just look silly. Flipflops with the thinnest amount of support are thus OK. Oh, and in black, not leather or blue.
Thanks for the great read!

Ha ha, totally agree! I read this with my partner and we both had a good giggle, then he told me that when he first saw crocs, he felt bad for thinking they were so ugly cos he thought people wearing anything like that must have a medical condition 🙂 luckily he found out the truth (that they’re just plain wrong) so that the abhorrence could run freely in his veins. Loved this post, thanks!

I go to Disneyworld a lot. There are terrible things being done in mandals there. Unholy things. I try to look away but I. Can’t. Stop. Staring. I once saw a dude in the woven sandals, like pictured in your post, with his pinky toe sticking straight up out of one of the holes. This became known as the “horny toe.” It didn’t seem to bother him at all, but it bothered me, in the most haunting way.
@_@
(O) “omg. look at that moe.” (man+toe=moe)

i just read chelsea handler’s book on a flight and she talks about the “double decker toe”–where the third toe sits on top of the second one. your comment reminded me of this. i commend such observational acumen

whoa, hahah! I would have to start with saying that I agree with you that most man-sandals are hideous. more importantly we need more designers creating livable and fashionable styles for men. check out this site: http://www.avarcapons.com/ – handmade from Spain, very cool and unisex!

Hilarious article and totally agree. Men in sandals, flip flops, crocs or other similar shoes are just not attractive anywhere unless they happen to me my sons when they go to the beach ! Crocs might be ok but only in the privacy of ones garden on a Saturday morning to mow the lawns in summer.

What a fantastic post!!!!! Laughing so much I can barely catch my breath. I thought I was being “judgmental” ~ now I find out that many other women think the same as I do! The only thing you didn’t mention is finding a guy in the supermarket getting Halloween Candy in his flip flops and shorts. There should be deadline.
Thanks, I had a great time reading!

Excellent post, I agree on all levels, and would go further even, to say women shouldn’t wear them either.

I hate feet. Can’t stand them at all. ALL feet are disgusting. I hate that when I say that, every woman says “Oh, but I have cute feet!” No, you don’t It’s not your fault, I’m sure you’re a good person, but your feet are disgusting.

That said… I wear flip flops, and I’ll tell you why: It’s super convenient, and not hot, and doesn’t make more laundry.

Further, yeah, I know it’s disgusting, but frankly, my feet don’t bother me. Probably the only feet my gag reflex is immune to, and although I know it bothers other people, doesn’t bother me in the least. Not my problem.

Hilarious post!
I have to say I don’t agree with you on some points… Allow me to express my southern European view about the shoe etiquette: When it’s hot, it’s hot and the feet should not be tortured! So anything that makes you wear socks is condemnable, unless you are in a professional situation and don’t want to look too cozy.
Fisherman leather sandals are the way to go; this type of footwear is timeless, although they must be chosen carefully. Havaianas are great for the beach but the best solution for summer is to walk barefoot if the ground permits!
The point where we agree: socks and sandals, never!
Take care.

very amusing post. perhaps you should visit Asia and see their version of mandals. its all the rage i can tell you that. The last time i headed back there, it was all about the fishermen sandals and crocs! definitely the crocs! I heard that in china they loved accessorizing the crocs with these plug in things..(there is nothing quite like to describe this fanatic fashion)!

I totally relate to what you said about middle school and whole socks with sandals thing. I admit, while I didn’t have the slides, I rocked the Whitewater Rapids from Wal-Mart. I was oblivious to the horror. My father who liked to match me, should not have that same excuse.

I was lol-ing at this the whole time. I grew up in Florida where Reefs and any other version of flip-flops are acceptable for men (except those bastardized steel-toe flip flop things up there) and so I am a bit more lenient. I can tolerate the adidas style slides too, as long as they are not crazy colors. After 7 years of being together, I have FINALLY convinced my fiance that the only acceptable footwear for men at the beach are flip flops and he actually owns a pair now!

Oh my! I laughed so hard!! I totally agree with you: mandals should be wiped off the face of the earth. I just disagree in one thing: I don’t care if you are David Beckham or the sexiest man on earth; you don’t look good on sandals. The only way men can come out of the shower with dignity is without shoes, or havaianas if need be 😉
Loved your post, thanks for sharing!

This is absolutely hiliarious – especially because, to be honest, if a guy has nice feet I think he is totally sexy in sandals! I have tried for years to get my husband to buy a pair of some sort, and he has flat out refused for ever … i guess in this ONE instance he knows best, huh?! (altho I am not sure why I tried so hard in his case – my little sister didn’t call him Tarantula Toes for no reason!)
As for the Keen sandals – I ADORE mine. They are the most comfortable shoes I own, so much so that they are my shoe of choice for places like amusement parks where lots of walking is involved. Not to mention that they are perfect in water and then dry out quickly.
Actually, my biggest pet peeve with sandals on either sex is when people buy a pair that fits all wrong and their feet hang out over the front as if they have to hold onto them with toes! That just grosses me out for some reason.

i had some teva leather fisherman sandals that were the most comfortable and most durable shoe i ever wore. i retired them after about 15 years of use. i had some teva hiking shoes that were almost as durable and comfortable. mandals are cool. tight jeans are douche bag lame.

Yoona, this is very funny but I fear that you’re also serious! Worse that flip flops on the wrong people, I think, is this snarky term, “mandals.” I simply don’t get it. Men + Sandals = Wrong? That doesn’t really make any sense. Men and sandals have been around, well, forever. Jesus, Ghandi, Einstein, just about any hip and nontraditional sort of guy is going to wear sandals. Sandals are not the domain of women. Long live us guys in sandals! We will not be bullied into wearing boat shoes and the like.

So true. Evidently, this is a very sore spot, judging by the huge volume of comments. One thing, can you add those butt-f-ugly skeletoe shoes to the list? They are hideous and, on man or woman, have no place in polite society, or any other society for that matter.

Ha! Very nicely written. What it really comes down to is that like most parts of the male anatomy, our feet are ugly. It doesn’t matter what type of sandal you use; wear them and you’re saying “look at my hideous feet.” Wear Crocs and it’s “look at my hideous gay feet.”

Literally laughed out loud! I love this! This is the absolute truth and I am so glad someone finally had the guts to inform the men of the world. I think you should have put something in there about men wearing socks with ANY type of sandals. Also, glad my husband knows whats good for him, and lets me dress him!

I would posit Crocs as the greatest single abomination of clothing, regardless of gender, but I am with some reluctance in accord with you otherwise. With the weather gone sultry, I could wish sandals of some sort were available to me, but I’m not willing to entertain the damage to my self-esteem and so I go the other way, merely changing wool socks for cotton in my shiny brogues (which are a much better counterbalance for a Panama fedora anyway).

I am 82 years old and have never worn any footwear other than real shoes.
I don’t like flip flops or sandals on a child, or grown up, female or male.
Anyone running around in them looks like a beggar. Period.
There are plenty of great leather shoes on the market. But, it is a free country, hmmmm.
ok, in this respect it still is, I guess.

I remember your Freshly Pressed Ikea post! I actually sent the link a few days ago to someone attempting to put together a chest of drawers. She didn’t have the foggiest idea what the diagrams in the tutorial were supposed to be! And she also lacked some of the necessary tools to put the chest together.

As for men in sandals–I don’t mind flip flops on guys but yes in general mandals are not attractive. However, their feet have to breathe somehow during the summer! I’m one of the rare people who don’t get grossed out by feet–we all have them so we’re all gross together!

And I was guilty of wearing Keens one summer. I didn’t know they were called that! In my defense I was a camp counselor at an outdoor summer camp and I needed close toed shoes I could yank on and off that would let my feet somewhat breathe. My mom found the Keens and I wore them for six weeks straight–I haven’t worn them since though! They are currently gathering dust in my closet. 😀

Hilarious and totally agree on every point. Fisherman sandals have always reminded me of kiddie shoes, and what the heck kind of shoe is that in the last photo? Scary – looks like some kind of orthotic for a foot condition. . . congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

Hi All..!!! actually it took a long time for me to like my feet enough to put them in sandals/mandals/whatevvaahh!!! I now like my feet and how they look out in the fresh air…I also take care of my feet very well especially in the summer months..>So come on guyz show them toes man….!!!!!!

This is a great post, one of the few that are truly worthy of being Freshly Pressed. That said, flip-flops do need to remain a viable option, simply to avoid ridiculous tan lines. NOthing looks worse than tan legs with feet that are on the other side of the spectrum. Not listed here are Birkenstocks, which went out of style back in early 90s. There’s still a Birkenstock store here in Ann Arbor, MI. Which makes me completely embarrassed to say I’m from here…

Crocs make me feel a little too feminine . I now own two pairs of Keens .I have found them to be the most comfortable hardwearing footwear I know . Thongs [Aussie slang for flipflops] I only wear around the house. I find The Keens ventilate my feet very nicely and stand up to saltwater and freshwater very nicely. I love going out on my sit on top kayak.
Everyone has their own opinion. Had to put in my two cents worth.

So what’s a guy to do – have hot feet all summer? I think my husband looks fine in his Birkenstock’s, but he does have attractive feet. Otherwise, I’m with you that most sandals for men should be burned. And crocs for all people should be burned. Really – plastic shoes that are bad for your feet and back, and make your feet smell, and by the way, have holes in them. The inventor of crocs must be a millionaire because of all the people who have fallen for that.

I LOVE your post! I sat chuckling like some demented old fogey while I read this. Mandal’s great word. When I was younger you had a better chance of seeing me in a tutu than seeing me in sandals. I use to call them Jesus shoes and I refused to wear them. It was only when I got older (in other words over fifty) and no longer cared what I looked like in them that I started wearing them. After all, I don’t have to look at my feet in them. Great post and so deserving of being freshly pressed! 🙂

i should have noted age as a mitigating factor. lots of my friends’ dads wear sandals and while it’s not ideal, i appreciate that at some point, comfort becomes the paramount concern. thanks for reading.

Personally I don’t think it’s fair. Let’s take the sweatier gender/sex and force them to wear long pants, long shirts, shoes and socks (and often times ties and coats) all summer long, while women get to wear flowy skirts and dresses and various adaptations of sandals/open shoes.

Yes, many men’s feet are ugly and gross, so are a lot of women’s. I’d rather see a guy in a nice pair of flipflops (rainbows for instance) then have them look like a grown up kid with bright sneakers and ridiculous socks. Maybe your next post should take a look at the number of women who buy sandals too small and their toes are hanging over or the straps cut into their feet. Now that’s unpleasant.

Spot on!!! With the obvious exception of thongs, which are not sandals or mandals, and absolutely needed at the beach, camping, the beach, strolling along an outback road or at the beach. I loved it but I wanted you to tell us about mandal nations like my old German collegues, who couldn’t wait to rock up to work all decked out in socks and bloody mandals and hover around the water cooler to catch you for a chat.

HUGE fan of this, and I completely agree. I’ve had the mandals discussion many times. In fact, I very rarely wear sandals myself. What sandals do you think are inappropriate for women, I’m curious? We all know that crocs don’t really work on anyone..

I love this post! I am a dude and will make fun of any dude I see wearing sandals outside a college dorm bathroom. As I am 29; I dont see any dudes in college dorm bathrooms; so I make fun of all of them.

I am a guy and I have had a problem with sandals my whole life.. and now you come along and everything is clear, I am burning my shit tonight!I will stick with the ole chucks no socks. thank you o great one.

So glad I found you, I will be back often. p.s. book in the works? you should write one or maybe two, you are a natural, and very funny : )

This post cracked me up! I happen to love all the foot-gear you pictured BECAUSE they make men look less serious!!! (and btw LOVE the socks and birki’s combo — so innocent!!!) But the best part about this post is how committed you were to maintaining your completely appalled tone throughout! LOVE it! Love the passion! So refreshing to be distracted from the news!!! Thanks for the chuckle! 🙂

I (and many men) are more into function than fashion. I think that’s the root of this “issue”. I like to slip on Crocs after I’m done cycling or kayaking to drive home. Driving barefoot is against the law and I don’t want to put on another pair of constricting shoes when I’m done with activity. I’ll even stop by the store on the way home.
But hey, women like bad boys, right? I’m so bad I’ll wear Crocs to the store!

So funny. Crocs after a certain inch-mark just become boats. And what is up with that last pair of sandals? Oh the hideousness. There are some sandals I can live with, but some feet just need to be covered up. But I have to say, the same goes for women! I’m nursing a dead toenail right now and it’s too hot to wear anything but sandals. Thank heavens for nail polish! Oh, and the knuckles part just killed me. Congrats on FP!

Had me until flip flops. Simple haviana style flip flops are essential summer apparel. Agree any dressed up or gimmicky variation is ridiculous. The lack of birkenstock style sandals in your post suggests they are ok, sans socks of course.

I think everyone, male or female, looks ridiculous in Crocs. Most guys can’t pull off the fisherman look, and I only find the slides acceptable on guys who just stepped off a soccer field or something. However, I like flip flops on guys. My husband has a pair of Rainbows that look good with shorts. But I just can’t get behind those flip flops in your picture, with the curled up toe protector!

Don’t mind man sandals here — people wear sandals in the summer. What I mind is a guy who clearly thinks flossing is some sort of metrosexual threat to his macho identity who wears man sandals … and who has never heard of trimming his toenails or doing any other basic body maintenance. Inch-thick untrimmed yellow toenails with crud under them, endless landscapes of calluses like barnacles, flakes of dry skin, and other basic dirt? And man sandals? NO THANKS.

Go ahead and wear sandals during the summer guys. It’s normal to not want to coop your feet up when it’s hot. But cream of Jesus on toast, please carry out some basic hygiene when you do, okay?

A ‘hot’ topic for summer, mostly because you have to try to keep someone else (the mandal wearer) from so many faux pas! There are also people who think it’s summer all year long and wear shorts and sandals every day. They just modify their footwear for the rain and colder weather by adding socks. That’s a bit much, to my eyes.
Great post!

Awesome! Hilarious. I have always felt one of the greatest scourges to threaten the world to date is the over 10 year old, male croc-wearer. Mandal wearers suffer from a mutated viral sibling of the same infection. As we speak, the CDC is struggling to find a vaccine…..

God I effing hate the slides. Seriously my husband has the ugliest pair of slides ever made: Starter Wal-Mart specials. Needless to say I do not footware-shop for him. Ever. Well, once I bought him a $100 pair of Merrells and then caught him power-washing the house with bleach water while wearing them… and it doesn’t help that he has the ugliest pair of feet ever made. Amen.

This is an excellent post; in fact, one that’s been rolling around in my mind for some time now. I was going to go beyond foot wear, and include all general sartorial sloppiness from men these days. Too many guys think that it’s okay to take their girl out to dinner dressed in beach attire, when their girl is dressed to kill. Disrespectful if you ask me. And sloppy.
I like how you kept this post more along the specific area of footwear… and even more specifically, sandals. More linear and readable. And you found a stopping point, which is more than I could have done.
You know, men’s footwear habits really have become so incredibly tacky. They (I don’t include myself 😉 ) need help. And as far as men wearing sandals goes, my boss always has this to say, “that’s just something you can never un-see. Once you’ve had to look at a man’s ugly, white, oversized, deformed, unkempt, hairy, diseased, feet… well, it’s always going to stick in your mind every time you see the guy”. Here are a few rules for men to live by:

Unless you’re one of Santa’s elves, avoid the curly toed Aldos.

Unless you’re at the beach, avoid sandals.

Unless you’re exercising, avoid the big comfy sneakers that make you look like you’re walking around on marshmallows.

If you’re wearing a suit, avoid anything with a rubber sole.

And I’ll throw this one in just because 🙂 . If you’re taking your girl out to dinner, wear your big boy pants, and a shirt with buttons! You may still look silly because you’re clueless about fit and style, but at least you will look like you’re trying. And that says something.
Thanks for the post! 🙂

You are hilarious! And right on the money! Except I do like my flip-flops. When I was in high school sandals with old tires on the bottom were the thing to have. That was when I began my hatred of mandals. Love your blog!

I really don’t mind them that much if they’re nice leather sandals worn WITHOUT socks. It’s a very, very common joke in Poland to point out older (and, unfortunately sometimes younger) men that wear socks and sandals at the same time. Ugh.
Great post!

Crocs – I hate them too. Man, do I hate them. Here in Bolivia I’m confronted with many many mandals too. Funny thing – mostly worn by tourists. Along comes somebody with Jandals/Flipflops made of whatever material, you know he’s just traveling through. Same with trekking sandals. The Bolivian men and women have a different standard concerning shoes. They wear mostly closed, despite the heat.

I loved the post but I’m not sure I get the first sentence. People love themselves some summer? Or, is it People love themselves come summer? Maybe I’m just out of it. By the way, I totally agree with you about all of this. Men’s feet in sandals in the city? Or worse, at the office? Bleagh!

Great post. Ive never owned any crocs, only occasionally glanced their way at Walmart, knowing the fate you described is what nature intended. I do like sandals or at the very least a pair of slip on Vans (love to hear from you about these on adult men over forty). Im stuck in work shoes/boots for nine plus hours every day during the week and the weekend is for being lazy and as someone said, airing out the dogs.

I have to admit something. A few years ago, my sister-in-law and I bought twin pairs of Keens. They were bright blue and seemed like a good idea at the time. We were headed out for two weeks on a sailing trip in Belize and needed the kind of footwear that forces you to make really bad decisions. The inexcusable part was that we wore them on the airplane from Miami. Why didn’t someone just put me out of my misery?

I think it depends on the person. My husband wears flip flops which I like, but I’ve seen other men in mandals they do not look right! They should be able to wear sandals as well but isn’t there a better style out there that’s more suitable?

I agree! But, then again, I’m not a huge fan of sandals on women either, because I think feet are just so icky! I think it comes from living in Chicago, where people walk around the city all day and their feet end up looking really dirty…I don’t feel I should be subjected to looking at them at this point 🙂

I would agree with you on everything EXCEPT flip flops. Maybe you can’t pull them off if your over 50, but the rest of us are fine…AND you can have them in leather without looking too professional with Rainbow sandals. They are hard to find in stores, but here’s the website! Http//www.rainbowsandals.com plus they last forever…

Yoona, I am but a humble man, married to Tiffin Kreger-Bryant, I will respectfully diagree on flip flops but the rest is DEAD ON, very nice. And as Tiffin says Portland is the place where fashion went to die. Later

ooh, ouch man(dals). I like Keens to hike in on warm tropical islands where I need protection and grip but no boots. I have to admit to being a flip flopper. However I only like one kind, the Halyard from Teva, stays on and I think it looks good too. No Im not hot anymore, or 18 except at heart but I do hang around the beach and boats.

Hysterical! I hate mandals, they’re horrible. Especially the woven hemp or rope sandals, I’m cringing right now even thinking about it. The only sandals I’ll let my boyfriend get away with are Rainbows or something along that line : ).

I love sandals, including on men! I’ve seen decent ones that look good, even sexy. Never with socks, however. (I’ve never understood the point of that: sandals are to be cool, so why warm up with socks?) Dressing for comfort is always a whole lot smarter and, to me, sexier than being and looking uncomfortable. Sorry, I hope your husband rebels!

Here goes a mental image that no one needs. My husband wears sandals and he has has both his big toe nails removed. Toes without nails are the most ugly, wrong looking things you can imagine and seeing them peeking out of a pair of sandals quite literally turns my stomach. Luckily we live in the UK and our famous English Summer tends to keep him out of his sandals, although we have a fortnight in Italy booked in August and I am steeling myself in advance! Great post.

My question is this: why can’t they ever buy shoes that actually fit? It looks like most of those sandals are too big for the wearer. My husband had a pair of the fishermans and literally shuffled around in them because they were so big. And if he picked up his foot, it would scoop gravel into the shoe. Awesome.

I agree- I think Reefs are the only somewhat acceptable sandals for guys. However, they should be required to get a pedicure before wearing them. I’m not talking a pretty boy manicure, just actually cut their toenails and make sure there is no toe jam hanging out. Maybe even fade out the bush on the toes if they’re hairy.
As for Crocs, they are unforgivable. Even for women & children. I have been told that they are extremely comfortable and once you step into them you’ll never want to take them off. No worries here, as I will NEVER place my foot into a rubber clog. If I ever see them on my husband’s feet I will be filing for divorce.

Wonderful post (and this comes from a man who owns and actively wears four of the five sandals “profiled”). Hey, I live in South Florida and my dogs need to breathe … a far better alternative in my mind than the funk of swamp foot wafting from the confining, cheese incubating confines of boat shoes.

Disclaimer made, I’m curious to hear what readers feel about two other species of mandal: Uggs and mules? Perhaps these don’t technically fit into the mandal genus and species, but they’ve got to at least be kissing cousins. Thoughts?

if we want to talk about atrocious non-sandal men’s footwear, we could be here all day, and i suspect uggs would get a huge mention. thank you for that laugh from “funk of swamp foot wafting from the confining, cheese incubating confines of boat shoes”

Love this post! I actually have a pair of crocs and with man card hidden, I love them! Though with that being said, I don’t dare wear them anywhere outside the comfort of my own home. Wearing steel toed boots all day, they are welcome on my feet when I get home….. and at home only!

Too funny! I went through the sandals stage a few years ago, when they were just becoming popular. Then one day I realized the made my feet look like I was a Greek gladiator or something, but without the ripped upper body to go along with it! So I’ve given up sandals. These days I prefer Sperry’s or other “deck” style shoes or if I’m just slummin’ around, plain old sneakers.

I grew up in Hawaii and then moved to Florida so I am doomed. And I surf to boot! So it is straight flip flops for me. Plain Reefs, Havaianas from Brazil, or some other simple flip flop. If it has weird straps, a toe cup, or it is semi-enclosed, then it needs to go!

Crocs, Aquasocks, and anything like it is for a strapping guy in the 1 to 7 year old age range. No adult should be seen in them! Same goes for socks…perfect! If you are a 75 year old tourist from Leeds.

I am now off to keep working on making myself look like David Beckham so I can get around not having to toss out the flip flops! Only 10,000 more push ups to go!

You are so funny! But to be inclusive, I have to say that there are some women as well who should never wear sandals either – those Hobbits among us who refuse to exfoliate their furry toe knuckles, as a matter of fact. And then there’s CRACKED and calloused heels. Dear Gawd, don’t even get me started on that.

Thank you – so very needed to be said ! (I wrote a rant about flip flops) Crocs need to be piled up & burned, but we cant of course cuz the toxic fumes would cause the next ice age…..
Loved the portion on Beckham “are you DB & stepping out of the shower at this very moment….” I’ll be laughing all day !

This cracked me up and I quite agree with you. However, I must admit that my beloved wears Birkenstocks A LOT throughout the summer months and only wear flip flops at the thermal bath to avoid the foot funk. I might catch some crap for this, but I don’t mind the Birkenstocks. Trust me they’re a HUGE step up in the evolutionary scale from the horrendous, old, scraggly, falling apart Timberland sandals that he had abused for nearly a lifetime before the Birks replaced them.

Nah, I don’t think it cuts down on your credibility. They are the sandal of choice for many hipsters as well as hippies. Besides, everyone wears Birks here in Germany. Although, they tend to pair them with a nice pair of white socks.

This represents a lot of time spent on a flimsy subject by a writer who seems to have issues unrelated to things other than written clearly here. I see a failure in simple grammar in the very first sentence and I praise Tom whoever he is for putting up with whomever you are.

Yoona, you are a crack up! This is such an awkward area for men. Dressy or business shoes are pretty easy. I think you’ve blogged on that before. Allen Edmonds – can’t go wrong. Running shoes for runners – no brainer. Even dressy casual loafers can be a safe area. It’s that gulf from there to warm-weather bumming around. There just isn’t enough guideance. And if we watch the world around us, here in Portland, well, ya, viewer beware. But where do we find our role models? NY or LA? Mens’ fashion mags? Nope. Even you, queen of all things fashion, have been confused into thinking Birks work…. If your feet are tan and healthy, they probably look good in most anything. Just because you look good in Birks doesn’t mean Birks are okay. As a fisherman-sandal-wearing dude until today (see above), I’ve been shocked into awareness and bought a pair of white converse all-stars today. I’ll try them out. Thanks for the fun post!

I live IN Florida, at the beach & I HATE FEET! So your rant was especially apropos. While there are some men with nice (or -ish) feet, they tend to be in the minority. Tan makes a HUGE difference, but it doesn’t fix the bad. Unfortunately too many pale, see-thru, paper-thin skinned men (tourists) wear the most ridiculous parade of shoes that would make you vomit. It’s disgusting. They think it’s ok because it’s the beach but most never set foot there (No pun intended). There are a variety of nice sandals but, alas, most go for the gross styles. I’m afraid this monstrosity will never end, siiiigh.

If you live in Florida, as I have all my life, one goes barefoot until the wearing of shoes is required. Then, a nice pair of Reef flip flops with the bottle opener on the bottom some in real handy. Besides, I can’t tell you how many times that bottle opener has saved the day. Let’s face it though, a set of nice shaped, tanned feet with cute toes and nicely trimmed toe nails look nice in a pair of flip flops. Like wise for women. Some women’s feet should never be seen.

i never knew reefs had a bottle opener on the bottom. i am intrigued. i agree that good looking, well-groomed feet can improve even the worst of shoes. and i agree that women’s feet can be as gnarly as men’s. mine are nothing to write home about. my pet peeve with women’s feet is when they grow the toenails really long and then paint them with something pearlescent. like talons, only more shimmery

My boyfriend owns two pairs of shoes. One is a pair of lace up leather boots (professional type, rather than combat) and the other is a pair of Reef slides with a bottle opener in the sole. I don’t mind the boots, except that he wears them 90% of the time. But the sandals… Oh man. They’re awful looking on their own, and then you put man feet in them and, well, you know.

I don’t feel like I can win. He gets hurt (or worse, defensive) when I suggest that variety is the spice of life and he should maybe branch out from the boots. But then it heats up and he starts wearing the sandals and I kind of miss the boots because the boots at least somewhat indicate that he pays attention to how he looks. When I suggest flip flops instead of the slides (which would at least be an improvement, in my opinion), he says something like “But I love my bottle opener shoes” and I die a little on the inside.

i don’t want to throw fuel on the fire but his boots (as you describe them) sound kind of cool. it appears that you have one option, and that is to destroy the shoes while he isn’t wearing them. but only you can be the judge of the potential impact of such action on your relationship

It’s not that I don’t like the boots. I think they’re much better than say, running shoes, with jeans. My objection to the boots is that that’s ALL he wears aside from the beer sandals. At leas they’re better than the sandals though. And you’re right about them; they must be destroyed. =)

I’m impressed at the level of diversity and participation! I hadn’t paid that much attention, but I think you’re onto something – particularly with the jesus sandals. Thanks for the laugh on Monday morning.

suzanne thx for giving me the opportunity to thank the friends who sent pics. if i didn’t use them, it’s because 1) the mandals were not ugly enough; 2) the feet were not ugly enough, or too ugly; and/or 3) the resolution on the photo was too low. be assured however that all the photos are on my computer and destined to make me cringe for years to come

Dang! I wish i could have gotten a picture of my dad for this post for you. He rocks the old-style tevas all summer with mid-calf SOCKS (black, no less) and shorts. Hideous. My sister and I are only able to cope by thinking of him as our ‘weird, eccentric uncle’ instead of our father.

Poor men. Their sandal selection in stores is so ridiculously limited – that being said, they should not wear them. I make one exception (they need one option – or they go rouge and end up in keens. no one wants that) – flip flops. Reefs for the beach. full leather for picnics. that’s it. Men also know that their feet are hideous – which I believe it the driver for the keen and fisherman sandal market. Man up guys – get a pedicure. If women get them for fun, you can suffer through one hour once a month. Catch up on US Weekly (we know you secretly love celebrity gossip as much as we do).

holy shit this was funny. BUT. the close up shots are so NSFW and unnecessary on a monday morning. this just proves that manfeet are hideous. it doesn’t matter what they’re covered up with. they’re like overgrown, gnarly hands.

I wear sandals with pride, I have crocs in red and black and some woven ones from the philipines which smell bad if you get them wet but they are so comfortable I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. Mrs Bunny Chow hangs her head in shame and pretends I belong to someone else though.