Weekend: Watch the boats go by in Naples

PARADE, AHOY!: For as long as we can remember, which is every second of our life, we have been both boatless and Naples Canals-side homeless, so we don't get overly excited about the annual Naples Boat Parade. We're not even asked to judge anything. What's the point of going if you can't relax around your canal-adjacent fire pit with a bottle of loudmouth, cruise the waterways on your $35,000 Duffy or at least judge things?

If you're not doing those things, you're just walking around the crowded streets and bridges with the unwashed wearing a sandwich board that says "I'm Poor" on it.

This year's parade starts at 7 p.m. Saturday, and if you don't have a good reason to be in the land of canals, your best bet is to come where you're always welcome: Alfredo's Beach Club's Kayak Kafe, 54th Place and Bayshore Avenue, where our pal Fred "Alfredo" Khammar will be throwing his annual Christmas Beach Party starting at 5p.m. The all-ages bash offers a great view of the decorated larger craft that bob around the bay, plus there's complimentary beverages and snacks provided. It's a great party for the rest of us.

ELVIS TRIBUTE: For some reason, Elvis Costello doesn't come to Long Beach much. He did do an Arena stop here, and a notable Millikan High performance a million years ago, but lately, nada. Hey, maybe if someone would open the Vault on Pine Avenue instead of sitting around doing nothing? Do you think that might be a good place for Elvis to play?

SANDY CAUSE: If you want to feel good about your charitable self and hear some swell local musicians, you're urged to attend a Hurricane Sandy benefit concert from the godly hour of 2 until 8:30 p.m. Sunday at diPiazza's Restaurant & Lounge, 5205 E. Pacific Coast Highway. No Nirvana/Beatle mashup, darn it, but you get the musical stylings of False Puppet, Tiffany Alvord, Tremor, Yours Truly (not us), Paralyzers, the UnKnown, Color Blind, Uncalled4 and Like Our Last.

COOKIE MONSTER: We're not sure what Justin Rudd wants from us. One day he's telling us to join some sort of grueling weight-loss contest, the next he's making us eat platters of baked goods. You can't have it both ways.

Which is why we decide to simplify things by concentrating on the baked-goods aspect of what he wants from us and leave others to shed what paltry excess pounds they're saddled with.

The contest is being held in conjunction with his long-running 30-Minute Beach Cleanup on the beach at the foot of Granada Avenue in Belmont Shore.

If you're entering the contest, you need to deliver our cookies between 9:30 and 10 a.m. We'll be eating them and judging them from 10-10:30 while the beach cleanup is going on, and the tasting reception for everyone starts at 10:40 until whatever crumbs we've left on our plate are polished off.

FRIDAY PLAYLIST: This is that joyous time of year when we finally get totally sick of Christmas songs. Or holiday songs, if you prefer. Because some of our great local artists will be covering the songs of Elvis Costello on Saturday (see above if all you do is look at playlists), today we're offering Elvis Costello doing other artists' songs: