Many ladies have submissive desires, some have acted on that, others are still just hidden desires. Within a marriage it may be difficult for a wife to be sexually submissive to her husband because of all the other inter relationships in the marriage (money, kids, running the house, families, etc). It is not uncommon for there to be a fear of changing the existing balances in the relationship to explore her submissive desires. Some couples reach out to a dominant man to help her explore her needs and desires with safe boundaries. Many times hubbie is there there to watch and learn, other times is there just to make sure she is safe. How do you satisfy your submissive desires?

Alpha refers to the first letter of the Greek alphabet (from alpha to omega).

A dominant with multiple subs might refer to them as the alpha sub, the beta sub, the gamma sub, the delta sub, etc. as a way of placing them in a hierarchy of some kind, with the alpha at the top.

While it could relate to who dominates whom among the subs, that's hardly the only use, or even the most common one.

It could refer to who has been with the dominant longest, who spends the most time with the dominant, whom the dominant likes best of the subs, and especially who's married to the dominant (usually the alpha).

It would not be accurate to assume that if a dominant has multiple subs that one or more subs dominate one or more of the other subs, or that if they do, it's always the same sub or subs.

Alpha sub can mean lots of different things when you get right down to it, so it's best to ask the dom what he specifically intends it to mean.

- ST

Kitty Hawk NC

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An alpha sub is when you have more than one sub in a relationship and they are not equal in control. Some bdsm players have multiple relationships. They can get complex. So you may have something like this: One dominant person. Two or more submissives. One person who is submissive to the dominant, but who is dominant over another submissive(s). This submissive would be the alpha sub. this is just a way of describing the control dynamic. The dominant would be dominant over both submissives. One submissive would be submissive to the dominant and then to the alpha sub. Helps to tell the submissives apart when one is in control over the other.

What did one submissive say to the other submissive? I don't want to be the alpha sub. You be the alpha sub. lol

Most strong submissives have no interest in being in control of anyone, even another submissive. But sometimes it is required. Especially when you have polyamorous connections in a bdsm environment with multiple submissives. There needs to be a hierarchy of control.

You could have this even in a bdsm/swing foursome. One submissive is serving the other submissive. Eating pussy for example is a way for one submissive to serve another submissive. It can be highly erotically charged when multiple submissives are involved.

My sub has no interest in being an alpha sub. She likes it right at the bottom. She loves to be of service to others and loves being directed as to how to be a useful and sexy submissive. Yummm.

Green Bay WI

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You can join fetlife d+t c+m. This is a free website for kinky people. You can search for people in your area, and groups that focus on your interests.

You can search for "Munches" in your area. These are bdsm meet and greet where you can meet some others in your area.

Some of best places to meet a lot of other is a bdsm weekend event, which are held all over the country and world. Search on bdsm events and you will find sites that list these events. They often sell out so you will want to sign up early. But there are a lot of people that can hellp you learn more.

We have a group called BDSM + Swing = More Fun. You might find some sls members in your area that have joined this group.

We also have a newsletter by the same name, that has a lot of information for newbies and the curious. Let me know if you would like an invite to the newsletter. There is more information on all these topics in the newsletters.

Best wishes.

Green Bay WI

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"Personally, I have gained more knowledge on the subject and am happy I did so. "

There you have the whole point. btw, Sed and I have disagreed several times, but we can do so w/ mutual respect and in an intelligent, non-bashing way. That may be the difference you are seeing.

San Antonio TX

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Roc Yes, there are many ways to practice spirit filled life. To each his own. I believe that bdsm practice is varied and unique to each couple that practices. Again to each his own.

I believe it does little good to belittle the practice, knowledge and experience of others. I also believe that we can support and encourage others to explore and learn without judgement from others.

Green Bay WI

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You are such an interesting character. You seem incapable on entering a dialog with someone who asks you probing questions. Those who love what you do are fine with you. Those who don't agree with you are trashed and put down. Your comments reveal more about who really you are. Everyone gets to judge. You seem to be the only one who feels fine about name calling and put downs and a tremendous sense of self righteousness. I have tried several times to ask you simple, direct and meaningful questions in an attempt to understand your issue. You seem incapable of answering the simplest question. You disparage my experience without knowing anything about me, you consider my experience to not be adequate, again without knowing anything. So rant if you wish, that seems to be your only response. But just because you profess to be the true bdsm player and the rest of us are just wannabes doesn't make it so. You loom large, but only in your own mind. Some of here find your pronouncements tiresome, repetitive and usually not very helpful.

Green Bay WI

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Unfortunately for you, you appear to be the ONLY ONE who is incapable of understanding, the people who took part in this thread understand it, and attempted to explain it to you, apparently they too gave up.

You do not represent the community just because you know how to knot a rope and read a few books about someone's interpretation of dominance and submission [Jay Wiseman, Philip Miller etc..]. In fact, you have little to no understanding of what actual dominance is.

Feel free to argue and carry on with your self.

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The rest of us is D/s. Maybe you speak for all of the D/D couples out there. I believe I represent the D/s dynamic which you convey as fluff bdsm. I am fine with your form of bdsm, but it does not seem to reflect the norm that I have discovered in bdsm. I have an extensive history with bdsm and with many teachers and experts and authors in the bdsm community. So I speak to that group who has a bdsm dynamic that you are all to happy to deride. It is because you have made so many dogmatic statements that I put the time in to compile you comments. You won't answer questions that seek to understand you dynamic so I can only conclude that you have no real interest in exploring or explaining your comments when asked. If they don't coincide with your opinion. Even when faced with your own comments you don't care to expound. So you are who you are and I am fine with that. Make you case with anyone who will care. That is what I do. I don't think you present an even handed look at bdsm and I want to present another point of view. Readers can decide who had the position they prefer. I find it is you who cannot or will not explain your position. You state this is how it is. I disagree

Green Bay WI

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Took you a long time to put that together didn't it.

"Since the D/D dynamic is not what most of us deal with, it seems likely to be less useful to the rest of us. I'm glad it works for them, because I believe we

should be able to discuss differences without being judgmental. "

Who is *rest of us?* who is *most of us?* Did you personally conduct some kind of empirical research to arrive at the conclusion that the way you understand power dynamics is how *most people around the globe* understand and practice it?

Tying up your partner's breasts so tight that they no longer resemble breasts is not a dominant make.

I hope that it explains it. Because quite frankly, I cannot explain things to a person who has no desire to understand. I posted tons about it. Quite a few people tried to explain it to you, but you're too daft to understand it.

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Part 1 of 2

After trying to connect the dots in the posting by some, I think I may have the basis of understanding why there has been so much debate about domination and submission. Of

course this is only my take so it is only worth what you paid for it. lol

Here are some of the statements that I am trying to make sense of and my commentary. It seems to me that trying to learn something about submission from a pair of dominants

may explain my problem. Since the D/D dynamic is not what most of us deal with, it seems likely to be less useful to the rest of us. I'm glad it works for them, because I believe we

should be able to discuss differences without being judgmental. I am trying to understand the dynamics of this relationship, because I find so few in bdsm who are so dogmatic

about what constitutes true and real submission. I am always a little nervous when others profess to know the truth. It usually means the truth for them, but should also be applied

to the rest of us.

"As to dominance, we are both dominant ALL the time." This may explain it all. Two dominants. This seems to be D/D rather than D/s. There is dom 1 (the alpha dom perhaps)

and dom 2 (the submissive dom perhaps). Do the two doms take turns bending the will, or is only one being submissive and only on occasion? Whatever it is, it is not the typical

D/s relationship. And that in and of itself explains much of what has been said here.

"Submission isn't a choice, it's a natural response to successful dominance." Are you not still choosing to submit? If one is not choosing to submit, then what brings about the

submission? Force, coercion, begging or what?

"Submission occurs when the will bends :)". How does ones will get bent if again, not by choosing to submit? And since you are both dominant, do you take turns being

submissive, or is there always one alpha dom?

"When I'm dominated successfully, I have no other choice but to submit, I'm just not a submissive :)" Really? Then what are you? A weak dominant? A submissive dominant? A

strong submissive? Are you a SAM"? You submit but you are not submissive. Again, not the norm.

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