In every generation there is a Chosen One. I alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of Netflix. I am the slayer! And these are my chronicles while watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer for the first time…. as a 35 year old woman. That’s right – I am a Buffy virgin.

Today we will be talking about Season 3, Episode 9. If you’re (re)watching with me, or even if you’re not, tell me what you thought about this episode in the comments!

Season 3, Episode 9: The Wish

Okay – okay – let’s just get clear the air with the white elephant. After the last Virgin Vampire, you’ll know that I know that Xander and Willow are basically assholes because they got caught cheating on Oz and Cordelia.

And as you may have guessed it – Guiltapalooza is in full effect. Cordelia doesn’t want to look or talk to Xander. Willow is trying to wear overalls to cover up her shame – which makes it worse, because she looks ridiculous in those things. Overalls are just a bad idea – unless you’re a painter, or time traveled from the 90’s, or prefer to be shamed in public. Either way – it’s not good. Not good people.

The main story for this episode follows Cordelia to school where she meets a new friend (who happens to be a demon witch – GAH – really? ) and proceeds to tell this new chick about her hatred towards Buffy.

Like, Buffy, like – she ruins everything. Gawd! I just wish she would disappear!

Clearly her anger is misdirected, because it’s Xander she’s pissed at, but Buffy is a good scapegoat…apparently. In her rant to demon witch girl, Cordelia wishes that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. AND POOF!!! Just like a fairy godmother, Cordelia’s wish is granted and she’s transported to another timeline where Buffy is nonexistent. And then we see the true side of her new BFF’s witchy-witchness.

one….two….I’m coming for you… three… four….better lock your door…

But I’m going to stop there. As you can imagine – the whole episode removes around an alternate reality where everyone is suffering in Sunnydale because there is no “Slayer” to handle the infestation of Vampires. ZZZZzzzzzzz. Boring.

BORING!

Yes – I said it. This episode was boring. I hated it. It was totally predictable. And I hated the storyline. Sure – it was kind of cool to see Willow and Xander as Vampires, but all in all if felt so forced and contrived that I got bored.

I’m too sexy for this shirt, too sexy for this shirt, too sexy it hurts!

Blah.

Really.

Blah.

If I’m being honest, I wanted a little more drama around the Xander/Willow/Oz/Cordelia circle of mistrust. I wanted to hear more about how they screwed things up – and how each of them were going to try and either fix it or move on. That’s what this episode should have been about, not something ridiculous like dressing up Willow and Xander in Vamp-tramp clothes (and overalls).

It would have been acceptable to have something, anything, developing with Buffy or Angel, but no – we got alternate universe where The Master never dies, and everyone is either food or dead.

I guess they can’t all be awesome. Hopefully the next episode makes up for what was lacking in this one.