Advocate for Those Who do not Choose

by Danny

We do not choose to be in the state we are in but it is the cards we are dealt with. Our fear is we will lose our mind, or are losing our mind, because we are and have no control over it. We do not wish to be a burden to our children or our loved ones, but we are. We earned respect, some of us more that others but respect still should be given. We should be given our dignity and given love. You are all we have.

If you would have had a traumatic brain injury we would have taken care of you and loved you. We would not have let you die, just because you were a difficulty, or inconvenience, or cost a lot to care for. You are our children we are your parents. You would have deserved Love and Respect.

My mother is 97.5 years old and lived a difficult life losing 2 husbands having 2 boys by each. She raised us the best she could. Made sure we had food in our stomach, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our head. Was she perfect? Who is? She did the absolute best she could for us under the circumstances.

She gave to us what we needed (always Love), sometimes a few frills, and continued giving to us when we didn't expect it when we got older.

I kept my mother at home as long as I could because it was HER HOME. She lived by herself. She fell twice in a week, couldn't get up, and it became unsafe for her. Her mind was going fast. She needed placed where someone could keep track of her 24/7. I watched her crying her heart out knowing she was having to leave her HOME.

Nursing homes are expensive. They provide 24hour care, assist with feeding, giving baths, changing her soiled depends, a place to be warm, giving medications, therapy and keeping our love one safe. They have to meet the REQUIREMENTS of Nursing Home Inspectors, Medicaid Inspectors, educating staff and paying staff.

What is your time worth 24/7, doing the things the staff does at these homes. Taking care of YOUR loved ones. Unfortunately most are understaffed for one reason or another.

I just put my mom into Hospice because it is coming to her end of life. It has taken 4 years to get to this point after moving her out. She DESERVES this, to be taken care of, and to be made as comfortable as possible when her time ends here on earth.

It maybe next week, 3 months, a year who knows. Her body has to decide when it has had enough. Not the doctors or the Insurance companies, they are not the ones who choose. Her body chooses. I want to make sure she is a comfortable as possible and doesn't have to struggle at the very end.

My mother has only called me by name once in the last 2 years and speaks very few distinguishable word most is just gibberish. I am not really sure she really recognizes me. She would not want to see herself this way, actually she would hate it. She saw her dad go through this before he died. Being this way was her biggest fear.

It has been EXTREMELY difficult to watch her go through this. I see her 3 days a week, week in and week out. It is hard to do and work. She DESERVES Love and Respect, I told her I would never abandon her and I never have. She gave love to us freely and taught respect to us as we grew. She really did sacrifice for her kids, we were her most valued possession. She deserves to be my most valued possession till she dies.

Family members or loved one in this position DID NOT choose to be this way. We as children or love ones have a choice. We can sacrifice, grow, and become stronger as humans taking care of those who have this horrible condition.

In doing so hopefully teach others as we are doing it. The other option is, if we chose not to do anything, when it is our time, and we don't have a choice we WILL BE alone and die alone.