Britcoin saga, banking sector warns Britons on bitcoin

They didn’t want you to buy, they never wanted you to buy and they still don’t really want you to buy, but with Bitcoin continuing to gain momentum whilst public pressure rises, and, as the smell of easy profit whiffs up bankers noses it’s no surprise the first regulated exchanges are opening their doors around the country, this despite the Financial Conduct Authority labelling Bitcoin “The currency of criminals & kitten murderers” backing up their research with a 2 page double spaced report and the hard hitting graph below.
The FCA point their concerns toward the clearly visible trend connecting Bitcoin, Crime and Kitten Murder.

In a ‘shocking’ move all major banks agreed to ignore the FCA and the UKs first exchanges opened their doors yesterday putting into use some of the countries disused amphitheatres, many with queues to rival any iLaunch with some snaking round the block as punters eagerly awaited the chance to ‘safely’ buy bitcoin.

We spoke to UK citizen Craig Pace who’d managed to pay for 5 bitcoins, first by queuing for 4 hours, he was then stripped and forced to cover himself in jam by government officials before entering a gladiatorial pit full of hungry lions, cold and dripping with coarse cut golden shred Craig stood clutching a smart phone and a wad full of cash, ready to make his desperate sprint to the dealing desk as an amphitheater full of bankers roared their vitriol and threw rotten vegetables in disgust.

UK punters are now able to buy Bitcoins at regulated exchanges, provided they fight their way through the amphitheater to the dealing desk.

Escaping the “Jamphitheatre” with 4.5 bitcoins after fees Craig commented “some of the stuff being thrown was mental, 3 blokes from Lloyds threw what felt like the contents of someones allotment at me, a turnip hit one of the lions on the head so it bought me a few precious seconds, some fat guy from HSBC threw a full hog roast, it looked quite nice so I managed to get most of that out with me, it was an ordeal but probably worth it”

Brits were warned not to get complacent however “whilst lions currently roam the pit the final choice lies with the top bankers, next week could be bulls, sharks, alligators, it’s whatever they find most amusing at the time, we’re also thinking of monetizing this further by televising the whole thing, think of it as a cross between Gladiator, Wall Street & The Running Man”

Remember, “trading carries risk” now more than ever.

@MilkmanHero

You can tip me for coarse cut golden shred, rotten veg, or just a beer below, cheers.