A kick in the soul

I haven’t been feeling much in the way of bonding with Harley the last week or so. Nothing was wrong, she was moving a lot and I had moments of feeling my heart swell for her, but I wasn’t feeling that same “holy crap I can’t wait to meet this human I’m growing” feeling.

I think part of it was the swollen feet and general tiredness that I’ve been going through. I just haven’t had the energy to get excited, even though I know that I should be. But today I went for my 28 week scan, and of course that all changed again.

How do people go without all these scans?? Every time I see my little girl, I fall in love with her all over again. Once again I could see that she likes playing with her feet, her little leg was folded almost in half so that should could play with her feet. And all my jokes about her doing Tae Bo in there seemed to be true – we caught her in the act of kicking and punching. She really is quite busy in there, and it’s amazing to see the actions that explain what I’m feeling when she kicks and moves around.

In a way, it feels like a kick in my soul. This tiny human who I only get to see on scans will be my little daughter soon. She will be out and about and ready for all the love that Dean and I have to give her. And all of a sudden I’m so excited again.

It also helps that my placenta has moved up since the last scan. The midwife is happy with her placement and the health of my placenta, so it looks like natural birth shouldn’t be a problem. I’m so glad – I was trying to put on a brave face, and I’m still going to accept whatever the final situation is, but I’m much happier that I might not have to have a C section. If in the end, I have to have one, I will get through it, but to go back to basing everything on having a natural birth feels much more… um… natural to me, I guess.

So I’m happy and feeling great. Except for the swollen ankles. But no protein in my pee, so no preeclampsia just yet. The midwife will keep an eye on me, but so far, everything is healthy and happy and looking great. I’m feeling so much better as a result. At least for the rest of the day.