Day Three…….#moderndaydesertmother

Day Three…….#moderndaydesertmother

I received a phone call from an old teacher. I did my chaplaincy internship at the local hospital. She heard I was back in town and asked if I would be willing to help her out as they were short chaplains. I had forgotten what it felt like to be believed in and lifted up. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one who needs coddling or tons of affirmation but I had become so used to always failing in their estimation that I just assumed that I would fall short with her too. Instead I was reminded of how there are those who think I am amazing……gifted even. ….with no caveat for what job I should or shouldn’t have or those who needed to hold me down defining my call to ministry and life. Going back through my old file and personality and psych profile was healing as it reaffirmed who I know myself to be and helped erase the messages of who they wanted me to believe I was instead. There was one problem……I could not find my immunization records. I dug through boxes, files, safes, and anywhere I could think that I may possibly have stuck them. It was a bit funny as I am one of those freaky organized people who seldom loses anything and is nearly always ahead of the game. But, no, not this time. Not for these records. Not for this game. So, I had to have titers drawn to verify my immunizations and I had to have some other vaccines given again. I was all right with it all as I don’t mind needles and shots, I just found it a bit amusing that when I finally really lose something, I had to do a gob of extra work as a result. It made me start thinking…..what else had I lost, what other vaccines did I need again, and what other titers did I need drawn? You see, a titer is a test that measures the concentration of something; in this case, it was the antibodies that provide the immunity to a specific disease. I had to have certain vaccines again because the antibody concentration was not high enough. So, the original vaccine may not have been strong enough or something in my body made a change for some reason. So, often, we think that we will be protected from bad things because we are good people or good Christians. So often, we believe that if we pray, read our Bible, spend time with God, take walks, exercise, eat right, etc. that we can withstand the assault of disease. If that is true, why then do marathon runners drop dead of heart attacks? Why do toxic environments beat down good clergy and why does abuse kill the most indomitable soul? The concentration of one substance will affect the concentration of another. If toxicity is greater than good, toxicity will absorb and be dominant. If good is greater than toxicity, good will absorb and be dominant. Toxicity can be number of people – 20 people to 1 and the 1 cannot last forever. Toxicity can be years of habit – 60+ years of behavior is simply not going to change. It can, but it won’t – not without the people with the habit leaving. Toxicity can be knowing that all they have to do is wait, grind down, and torment because they will be there even after you have gone – because in the system I am in we leave after a couple of years. I wonder how the knowledge of permanency would affect the solution….. Part of advancement is having titers drawn, having vaccines renewed (against evil and toxicity) and that in the chemistry of the soul, if people do not let God in, the concentration of evil will always absorb and dominate. There is also the realization that vaccines are not always fool-proof. They can fail. They do fail sometimes. It is still important that I received them and it still important that I wash my hands, pray, read my Bible, take walks, etc. I just do it now with the remembrance of chemistry lessons and the knowledge that vaccines can be affected by concentration and even the best of vaccines may fail from time to time. That is why medicines, recovery, and advances are needed, used, and are miraculous.