Monday, June 08, 2015

Death Ex Machina writing contest results

Sorry this was delayed this morning. I was felled by a brutal headache, and you REALLY don't want me reading contest entries in a haze. (Much like you don't want anyone reading your requested fulls when they are tired/hungry/worried etc.)
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This round of entries was top notch. I had to read the entire roster of entries twice to fully appreciate how much good writing was here. You're not making this easy!

Herewith the results:

Special recognition for a meta entry!

Kitty 10:04am

In which the author exiles himself to Carkoon for his
dastardly treatment of our man Felix Buttonweezer!

Jeff Deitering 10:10am

The Tawna Fenske Award for Frisky Phrasing

"Swampy fornication" and "a frog-on-frog
couple"

Tiffany 12:02pm

Special recognition for excellence in use of prompt words

Steve Forti 12:17pm

Special recognition for what isn't a story but is beautiful,
evocative writing

Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli (whose name is also a poem) 12:37pm

NotAWarriorPrincess 5:30pm

note: it's rare to get even one entry so lovely, let alone two

The Oh My Godiva I can't believe he would PUNish us like this
Award:

Scott Sloan 10:22pm

this entry delighted me!

Special recognition for a great line:

Terri Lynn Coop 11:12pm "Even the dead guy hates me."

Not quite a story, but intriguing writing

James Ticknor 1:09am

Love this use of the prompt word

Pharosian 2:04 am "cranesbill"

I'm always on the lookout for unusual and imaginative uses of the prompt words.

Not quite a story, but compelling world-building!

Lance 8:35am

And here are the finalists:

(1) Gabriella 10:18am

Elizabeth craned her neck and reached deep into the mailbox to
remove the large padded envelope. She bristled, preparing herself for the
mortgage foreclosure documents. Instead, large blue letters declared: RETURNED
DUE TO INSUFFICIENT POSTAGE. The package was addressed to the Cayman Islands in
her late husband’s ghostly handwriting

Grabbing a plastic knife from last night’s dinner, she tore open the envelope.
Inside, legal documents named his young secretary as benefactor. To a numbered
bank account. Containing three million dollars.

Tears spilled down her face. While the Hallelujah chorus erupted in her head.

This is a great story BUT taking out the last two lines would make it even better. Trust your reader to know what Elizabeth will feel.

(2) Lobo 10:29am

The war not five days over and this greenhorn was fixing to
get the President killed. Christ! If the Union’d had parlor soldiers like that
at Appomattox, we’d be a chorus singing Dixie.

“Ridiculous!” I huffed and slapped the stage. “Request denied. Next you’ll be
telling me the actors are a threat. Now, skedaddle!”

He slunk away.

I shook my head.

Stand sentry behind the President the entire performance? Like some nagging
ghost? Christ! Not an ounce of sense in some people.

I love this; it trusts the reader to get what the story is about.

(3) Donnaeve 11:05am

Back when I won’t more’n a speck, I heard what sounded like a chorus
of voices under my bed mumblin’ some word.

I couldn’t rightly make it out at first, so’s I kept on listening, night after
night.

Finally, I got it.

Useless.

I reckon they was ghosts.

That actor what shot Lincoln? Useless was last word he said afore he died, no
foolin’.

Troublin’ what I see when I crane my neck like so. They been hammering since
yesterday.

Come dawn, reckon I’ll be center stage.

It’s alright. I ain’t ever amounted to nothin’.

Funny. Useless comes to mind.

This is a stunning demonstration of how to show rather than tell, and establishing character through diction.

(4) Stephen Parks 7:26pm

“Assume the crash position!” The famous Shakespearean actor
awoke.

Glancing around as panicked faces craned to peer out the windows, abject fear
at the angle of their descent ghosting their faces.

What do they know of fear? Peons!

Fear the indignities of ageing. Fear indifference and degradation! Flying to an
audition? Audacity! Sitting in Economy, among the Greek chorus? And not even a
window seat!

If they must die, let them die enlightened. One final stage then and not a
critic to besmirch the memory, he thought as he arose, clearing his throat for
their attention.

“To be, or”

Not.

I'm not sure what it says about me that this made me laugh out loud.

(5) Steven 8:34pm

Another rainy, Bayou Sunday.

Another three A.M. body dump.

A chorus of gasps escapes as I arrive. No eyes find mine.

The “Director’s” fifth victim appears more staged than usual. Perhaps only I’d
notice.

The actor du jour, another blonde yogelite.

Techs erect a tent, but any evidence left has since settled in the Gulf with
Katrina debris and Connick’s career.

Another tech futilely chalks a dissolving ghost line around the vic.

From a kneeled position at the body, the ME cranes toward me. “You can’t be
here, Jack. You don’t wanna remember her like this!”

Only … I do.

I loved this, but couldn't figure out what a yogelite was. I'm ok with made up words, and odd/unusual words, but it's important to be able to extrapolate definition from context.

(5) John Frain 2:3pm

Living in his shadow started early.

I tried to impress Mom with my athleticism, but you’re a GHOST competing with
the “world’s greatest athlete.”

So I became an actress. Thought I’d fACTORed in everything, but suddenly Bruce
was Mr. Reality TV. I couldn’t keep up with the Kardashians, much less garner
attention from Mom.

Finally landed a lead role in a Broadway musical. I was so high, it would take
a CRANE to get me down. Pictured myself receiving accolades, recognition in
Playbill.

But who was on the cover? Some dancer. This CHORUS girl? Caitlyn. Of course.

UpSTAGEd again.

This is a so subtle! It depends on the reader bringing knowledge to the story, something I've always liked in story telling.

It was very hard to pick a winner this week because all of these stories had things I loved. In the end though it had to be Donnaeve for a compelling demonstration of craft and story.

Donna, if you'll email me with your preferred mailing address, I'll send you either Gary Corby's fabulous new book DEATH EX MACHINA, or the first two in the series THE PERICLES COMMISSION, and THE IONIA SANCTION.

Thanks to all who spent time creating entries! This was a really great contest. I'm in awe of your talent and imaginative writing.

Congrats Donnaeve for a great story and wonderful commendation of why it's great! And woohoo, Janet, for quick recovery.

I like the internalizations that QOTKU is bringing here for the Top 5 and the other's who are mentioned for their various strengths. Although this is more work for her. Sometimes...(aack, who am I fooling?) Many times, I need to be told the obvious to get it drilled into my head.

Congrats, Donna! And to everyone else who contributed and was mentioned. I love reading these short pieces, more so because I can't manage to get the hang of it myself. It's HARD to write short. Really appreciated the editorial notes from Janet, too. Great insight about what worked for her.

If I could go off topic for a minute (as if we need permission for *that* over here), just wanted to say I'll be offline for a few weeks. Don't want you all to think I'm ignoring you, just having a wee bit of surgery. I'll look like the poor little pup in the last post, only the bag of ice will be soothing a different body part. [All the gory details are on my blog, if anyone *really* wants to know. Click my name, that should take you there.] I'll be reading along, just not commenting from my drug-induced fog. No need for that kind of entertainment.

HA! Recaptcha just made me laugh. I'm not a robot, but I'm getting there. One body part at a time. :-)

Good luck with the surgery KD and congrats to all the mentions this week! Brian, I'm with you - so impressed with what other people can do with 100 words. I can't even do short stories well, let alone flash!

Ms. Janet, love the comments that let us see a glimpse into your mind.

One final note. The subjectivity of this crazy business we're all volunteering to enter hits me. With all due respect to all pieces mentioned, my favorite entry (I'm looking at you S.D. King) was not even listed. One more reason to cast the query net wide.

Yes, it is hard to write short. But, you know what? I'm currently working on a contest entry that must be precisely 200 words long, including the title.

Those extra 100 words do not make it easier. In some ways, it is harder.

I've been hanging around the shark tank for quite a while and have watched the contests evolve. The quality has only increased. The depth and cleverness has only increased. Can't wait to see what y'all turn up with on the next one.

Donna - when your book arrives you are well within your rights to stand under the next full moon and give a Klingon battle cry. Well, okay, it was all right when I did it, but I live in a small town with few neighbors. Your mileage may vary . . .

Congratulations and a net full of kudos, Donnaeve! What a story! Hearty congratulations to the mentionables as well as the unmentionables, particularly the poets. Great stuff. Thank you, Ms. Janet, for the mention. It makes the old ticker run a bit faster. I liked the notes for the finalists. Thank you for taking so much of your time to help us become better writers as well as better queriers.

Thank you all so much for the good wishes. It means a lot. I'm actually very nervous about this, although I'm sure everything will be FINE. I'll be back before you know it, new and improved and able to leap long comment sections in a single bound. Or something. :-)

Congrats to Donnaeve! And a big thank you to Ms Shark for "The Tawna Fenske Award" for Frisky Phrasing (my entry, which included: "Swampy fornication" and "a frog-on-frog couple"). Having just learned yesterday of my grandma's passing, this was very uplifting gesture. Thanks for putting a smile on my face!!

Would it be considered an unacceptable example of 'gushing', if I said that the fact my entry delighted you gave me a case of the warm fuzzies; the likes of which I haven't experienced in quite some time? Thank you so much for your kind words.

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