'Only God knows the pain'

Published 12:00 am, Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Girlene Soares said she would bring back her husband if she could. Even though she claims he abused her, even though she stabbed him to death, she said she misses him.

"He was my husband and the father of my children," Soares, 27, said in a letter. "I would do anything to get him back. I would even give my life, because I love him so much and he was the father of my children."

In a recent trial, Soares claimed she stabbed her violent 31-year-old husband in self-defense in the Danbury apartment where they lived, using a kitchen knife that was left behind in the couple's bedroom.

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But in this case, acquittal didn't bring freedom or peace of mind. The Brazilian immigrant is being held in the Connecticut state women's prison in Niantic because she came to the country illegally in 2002.

Meanwhile, her three children - ages 11, 9 and 7 at the time of the trial - are far away in Brazil, living with the family of her late husband, Jose Luis DaSilva.

Soares claims the family is spreading lies about her. One of those lies, she said, is that Soares wasn't a faithful wife and that her late husband isn't the father of her children.

DaSilva's family made similar comments outside the courtroom during the trial. "I heard that my husband's family is talking trash about me since the day of the tragedy," Soares said in a letter from prison.

Soares was charged with stabbing her husband
Jose Luis DaSilva Oliveira
in the heart during an argument July 5, 2004. She claims she was defending herself from a man who had abused her on many occasions.

Soares wrote the recent letter while in a state women's prison in Niantic and gave it to a friend, who recently visited her there. The friend turned it over to newspapers in Danbury.

Soares came to the U.S. from Mexico illegally in 2002 and was caught in the desert shortly afterward. But her husband bailed her out and she came to Danbury, where she worked as a housekeeper. Her husband worked as a mason. The couple's three children stayed behind in Brazil.

At trial, prosecutors contended that Soares intended to kill her husband and suggested she wanted to get rid of him because she had a new boyfriend.

Even though Soares was found not guilty, she faces deportation. She has said that wouldn't be the worst thing, since she would go back to her children.

But, for now, her immigration lawyers are looking into a program for victims of domestic abuse. The program would allow her to travel back and forth to Brazil legally, said
Vicki Hutchinson
, the lawyer who defended Soares at her trial.

Hutchinson said her client is concerned about her children's emotional well-being. Hutchinson said Soares is upset because her in-laws in Brazil are claiming "that the children were not fathered by Luis, that she was involved in an extra-marital affair, that she did not love Luis."

Hutchinson said she had not seen a copy of the recent letter, but is not surprised by it.

"She has always maintained that she loved her husband, despite the abuse," said Hutchinson. "She's always been devastated by his death and especially by the fact that in defending herself she caused the death of her husband, the father of her children.

"And she is understandably upset that Luis's family is bad-mouthing her, especially in front of her children," Hutchinson said. "Her children lost their father and now are being told devastating lies about their mother. She is very concerned about the emotional impact all that has on the children."

In her letter, Soares questions why her in-laws are saying "these horrible things."

"Don't you feel sorry for my kids?"

Soares also writes about how she is trying to refrain from verbally attacking her in-laws.

"I could say a lot of things about all of you, but I don't want to do it. I'm sorry. I just want peace to take care of my kids," Soares said. "They already proved that I am innocent. Look, even in America and even here they proved I am innocent."

Relatives of her in-laws, several of whom live in Danbury, could not be reached for comment on Monday.

"I lived with this family (in Brazil) since I was 14 years old. They meant everything to me. They were like my second family," Soares said, of DaSilva's family. "Only God knows the pain that I felt when I found out what they were all saying about me."

She apologized several times for stabbing her husband and said she is thankful to the people - including Hutchinson - who helped her through her ordeal.

"If it wasn't for these angels, I'd probably be dead with so much pain, agony, turbulence and sadness due to such a big intense pain," Soares writes.