The Things You Miss Out On When You’re Home-schooled…

By not being educated by the public system, their kids will miss out on learning how to communicate using filthy language. They will also miss out on the use of illegal drugs. According to a survey by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, “Millions of U.S. teens attend ‘drug-infested schools’ where students routinely see drugs used, sold or kept on schools grounds… Thirty-one percent of high school students — more than 4 million — see drug dealing, illegal drug use or students high or drunk at least once a week on their school grounds.”

Home schooled kids will also miss out on sexual promiscuity, contracting sexually transmitted diseases (statistics show that one in four U.S. females has a sexually transmitted disease), being bullied, and maybe being shot to death (to date, there have been shootings resulting in the deaths of students in 76 different U.S. public schools). According to the National Conference of State Legislatures an incredible one in five kids in public schools “has seriously considered suicide.”

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Had home schoolers attended public school they would have also been brainwashed by an unproven theory about human origins, and ended up believing that they are nothing but an animal with no ultimate moral accountability.

Got that public school children? When you’re not high, swearing, swimming in gonorrhea, or getting beaten up, you’re probably gonna get shot. So you should just stay home and learn about Creationism.

It’s so obvious.

I should just quit my job and stop working with students who study for hours, volunteer in their community, and participate in all sorts of extra-curricular activities because surely they’re just biding their time before they whip out their syphilis-soaked weapons on each other.