I forget but God…

My confidence as a person and as a blogger has taken a serious beating since gaining weight. Last year I was able to drop a good amount of weight – not really intentionally though – I had a really trying year, my personal & spiritual life were a mess, I was stressed and depressed and honestly, I hardly ate. I’m a happy eater – so therefore we can conclude that I am happy a lot of the time…ha ha!

Because of this I’ve been unmotivated to blog or even shop – I’m sure many of you can relate – but God has a way of always reminding me where He’s brought me from.

This morning I picked up this stethoscope for a cousin (her kid needed 1 for a school project) but it instantly reminded me of the time I was expecting Aimee.

A little scene-setting…

I’d had a weight loss op done a few years prior to falling pregnant and I wasn’t in very good health. I started off at 63kgs in the beginning of my pregnancy and by the 7th month I’d dropped to 40kgs. I was sick, in constant pain, I wasn’t eating and numerous times I contemplated suicide (the pain was that bad). I remember being in such tremendous pain and speaking such horrible words during my pregnancy – death, abortion, suicide – to name a few and yet at the same time I prayed that little Aimee would make it.

I purchased 1 of these stethoscopes because I was so afraid that she’d die inside my womb. The pain would keep me awake at night and I’d lie there with my stethoscope trying to make sure I could hear her heart beat – I’m not sure if I did hear it – but that’s what I did!

Aimee had to be delivered prematurely, she just wasn’t thriving inside my womb so at 7months she was born at a tiny 1.4kgs – literally just skin and bone. She stayed in Neo ICU for close to 3 weeks and it was the hardest 3 weeks of my life. I blamed myself for everything that happened to her – it was all those terrible things I spoke over her – I’d say – but I was in so much pain that I just wasn’t thinking clearly – I know that’s no excuse though!

This was a month before Aimee was delivered ☝🏽
Today God reminded me of His awesome, miracle-working power. He reminded me where He brought me from ( a dying bed in Milpark ICU), He reminded me that my story, my message, is so much more than anything as superficial as my weight. I look at Aimee and I’m in awe of Him – that even in my weakness, my pain, my sickness, He had a plan for us. I am so much more than the number on the back of my jeans.

Like this:

Related

8 thoughts on “I forget but God…”

You are such a beautiful woman inside and outside… I don’t know you personally but I follow hoor blog. Your storey really touched me because I am in that same place right now… Depressed and in constant battle with my body. Keep being the beautiful person you are and inspiring others… You are amazing.🤗😚👍💃

Hi Lauren
I think we all have the rollercoster ride with our weight and lives and they seem intertwined with each other but we need to lean on each other and learn from each other. Be strong my friend.

Hi my friend. Yes…you are so right. It doesn’t define us or our hearts at the end of the day. I’m glad that I have people in my life who can relate. We should really hook up soon. It’ll be nice to see you guys pls ♥️

My darling niece, you have a history of victory! Your story of miraculous healing journey to self acceptance and self love must be shared with people all over the world! Keep on sharing your story! Love Aunty Mich

Post navigation

About Me

Hello...My name is Lauren. I am a 30-something, plus-size wife and mother from Johannesburg, South-Africa. This is where I (OVER)share a lot about what goes on inside my head and my wardrobe!
This is #MyPlusSizeLife...
Enjoy!!!