* 1. 4..1.-:H, the gentle Fum-Fum was a worship- Examinations then taktplace wherNby.t chful youth, the best of all, 4 " " '.: ^*A student of talent; of trust, and of Among the young collegians who do the 'estruth I they can.Of manners most excellent, formed to The Emperor he sits upon his throne of state,enchant To mark the exercise of wits in learning anda.i 'And when to the sex he leant, gay and gallant. bate. "As fat as a pig, and as sleek as a Cadi; And now this mighty festival was drawing near'As fresh as a fig, and as fair as a lady. at hand,In learning he beat all competitors hollow ; And many young competitors .to gain its prizesAnd, in short, was a sort of a pig-tailed Apollo, planned,With sc much learning, taste, and knowledge, Whose hearts.were beating high with hope orYou easily may suppose sinking with misdoubtings,To what distinguished rank he rose As often as they thought upon the innings andAmong the youth at college. the outings.And only one besides was there, Fum-Fum among them all was the sharpest anidWho might with him in the least compare- the deepest,A reader was he for a doctor's degree, But being a tea-to,;al hesuffered inA le to Fum-Fum, and his name Fee-Fee. so much, .Fee-Fee and Fum-Fum were inveterate foes, He scarce could hope to gain a prize, although.SNot only because they were bent to oppose he might deserve so much; ,Each other in contests for classical prizes-- And next to him, Fee-Fee was the likeliest manAnd that fair renown that from learning arises; to beBut also because, as they both of them saw, At the top of; all the tree, the glorious tree of'So they both fell in love with the lovely Faw-Faw. learning ;." " *ph, the lovely Faw-Faw was the loveliest maid He knew the different pages of the books of an-.In all the Celestialland; cient sages,With her brow's lovely bend, and her queue's Who illumined former ages witht ie rays of thie *S lovely braid, discerning.And thoseqsweetiitle claws on her hand I Therefore Fum-Fum waN despondent oxceP:l yWitt his-Kttle coatee, so delightful to see, And felt th6 thing weigh on hi feelings o3reis,ad her trousers so artfullyplanned; sively;..Eys like cockatoo's, and such dear little shoes, His brow was all day p ckered up in a frown,In which not a fairy. might stand I And ever his pigtail hung swepishly down.Furm-Fam and Fee-Oh, how each of them sighed, But he suddenly thought he might.fnd someT 'reAnd wished for the. lovely Faw-Faw as his bride I lief.But the father of Faw-Faw, who was seeking for In an opium yipe,'from his dullness and grief;a lover, And what couldit hurt, if .he smoked but a yceTo give his girl away to, since off she must go I Just to keep up his pluck,.till he passed his dHad promised that that one should be in law his gree ?W 'son, 'Tyas the sensible pait, if only becauseWho should,reap the largest honors in learning's It might gain such a heart as the lovely Faw-Faw'sSample field. More rational still, becauseoit should kill-And so :Fum-Fum and so Fee-Fee, Every hope that might be in the foolish Fee-Fee.,They hated each other as much as could be : So Fum-Fum smokedhispipewith particilarglee."And either would see, with exceeding much glee, At last came the day so desired and t- ed;His hated. o-rival brought down on his knee.' At last came the day, and the dayligf tappcaredeNow.we, no' not whether you may know, but All PeB filocked into the learned rehearsal ,'t heiis:a certain.festival, And hu, and hurry became universal. ..ha, i .iheld once in three years, atoecollege The tailo ae busy the week before, "-Sof anlan : .In mending oI Aresses and ma]i'g more;". '. -^'

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The days rolled slowly o'er Fum-Fum within his Towards hapless Fum-Fum, who had sufferecl.prison cell; alreadyThe first day passed-the second came-the Enough, for the future to make him more steady,third, and all was well; He said (but they scarcely believed him at all)The fourth rolled by on leaden wheels,-the fifth That he had not been killed out and out by his fall;on wheels of lead; But had lain, as it chanced,The sixth a heavier pace than all,-he wished For a season entranced,that he were dead I And when he recovered was not very sore;The seventh day came,-they led him forth-they So had little to rue,led him forth from jail, Save the loss of his queue,They lugged him forward by his head,-they And that very probably time would restore.could not by his tail,- "And now," said Fee-Fee, "I have married Faw-By reason that, as we just now made mention in Faw,our lay, Who.begged me to comeThe latter, pressed into his pipe, had all been And pray that Fum-Fumpuffed away. Might not suffer farther distress from the law.At t, as he was- hauled along, it somewhat The judges consulted a little, aside,T eased his dread,' And briefly in answer to Fee-Fee replied,To fancy favor might be shown to one so deeply That they pardoned the life of Fum-Fum :read; To the great disappointment of all in the court,But when brought in the judgment hall, so stern Who expected to witness some excellent sport,' _; dtigos looied, And found it was only a hum.ew that books were all in vain,-he knew So Fum-Fum was sent home, for he couldn't wellSthat he was booked. walk,And when he glanced around the hall,-to prove And his story occasioned a great deal of talk:that hope was vain, But as for himself, oh, ne'erLo executioners were there with instruments From that.very time forth could he hold up hisof pain; head;-Bamboos, cangues, and harqh thumb-screws, and Though it wasn't cut off,-and the life that he ledSankle-screws he saw, Was a very great burden to bear.And hatchets dread to chop the head,-stern You fany he couldn't be much at his ease,Sministrants of law. When he knew fair Faw-Faw was his foemanThose horrid executioners they seized on poor Fee-Fee's;" Fum-Fum, So to banish regret ."And hrough the hall of judgment then rose ex- (Though it got him i" debt,'-.pectation's hm. He laid out in opium all be could get,S 'And then they strapped him, waist and knees, And he smoked it away ." against an upright board, By night and by day,And would have lopped away his head by whirl- Not minding at all what his parents might say.ing round a sword; 'Till at last, though the fact may look strange inSBut just as one had raised it up, prepared his our type,head to lop, He sat himself down on the bowl of his pipe,Lo I some one called aloud to them, requesting And by a mistake,them to stop, Which he happened to make,r-S So they just stopped to know Or urged thereunto by the woes he endured,Who had called to thehi so, And because to besoked is the way to be cured,-And asked, rather angry, "Who is he? Whb is he?" Smoked his very own self away.AWhen who should it be " Go, my song," says Pi-Ping, in concluding this"But the very Fee-Fee tale,On account of whose death they had all been so "O'er the waters of fame with thine oar and thybusy. sail;And Fee'Fee stepped forth and went up.to the And tell ages and ages and ages to come,judges, Of Faw-Faw and Fee-Fee, and Fo-Fo and Fum- 'And told them he boen ill feelings grudges Fm

'And now all the barbers were so in demand, ,.. But at last came the tirn of Fee-Fee and Fum-;There were scarcely enough to be found in'the Fum,land; And there rose a great hum when the folks saw"What with shaving the heads of man, woman, 'them come,and lad, For the tongue of report had by no means beenYou'd have fancied, i' faith, all the worldi had dumbgone mad; She had whispered to. ome, or made signs withThere was shaving of heads aod plaiting of queues- her thumb, .And painting fair cheeks of all beautiful hues; And at. other times'spokeJo6u as loud as a drum,There was tinting of nails and squeezing of feet, A d had told.of the pair,;For who but would wish to, look handsome and Of their learning. so rare,neat, And besides of their rivalry touching the fair."When the whole of the city was forth in the street ? Fee-Fee stepped forth with cohfidence, colletedOn his throne of high state sat the Emperor. bold, quite and cool:Like "X with his legs across"cross-legged sat he.; He knew himself, if not the best, the second bestAnd his ladies were near him, so. fair to behold, at school;But in small wicker cages that no one might see. And he knew his rival, poor Fum-Juim, at other'And six pairs of spectacles ranged on each side, times his match,Formed a Apectacle proper to kindle his pride ; Was. likely to break down with funk when heFor behind every pair sat a councillor keen, came up to the. scrt-he." 'With a nose of great gravity peeping between. But Fum-Fum had be smoking well his opum&amp;iThe pastors and masters, the doctors and proctors, pipe that -.h, a,Of learning's great digest the learned concoctois, And so could F- eak as free and, bold as any maniWere ranged indue order; and next on-the boards thaVtborn;"Were the samall mandarins, with their buttons And looked with scorn on rivalry so- paltry asand swords.: -7 ee-Fee's,The spectacles put on their lealnedest looks, For he thought himself the better man by num-And the orators spoke like:priited books'; berless degrees.Joy 'was in flower nand-isdom ripe, Yet when they underwent the proof it. chanced&amp;And the Emperor siiled as; he smoked his pipe; to fall out so, .The Emperor smiled, as 'the crew he scanned,- That which might be the abler youth i ot any-To think what learning'as .in hlis: land; one might kno : 'For there was not a' sttinit the least in size, And tried in logic, rhetoric, and classic. prose andi.But had got his head stuffed with the works of rhymes, .the wise; Fum-Fum but hesitated twice; and Fee-Flee l t.So: that each of their heads, to hisifancy's view, three times. .Seemed a book full of' print, withl a mark for the And so the judges for awhile suspended their de-.queue. cision .At last they began, sir: the trial was hard,. Till they could look the question thr ough, and'And question and answer playedthrst and guard';: view with clearer vision;Some fumbled, and stumbled, aind' timnb.led- then And bade the rival youths meanwhile in: an outermumbled,, room to stay, .And grumbled because their ideas w'iBjumBled, That their. presence in the hall might cause noWhereby all at once they were painfu iumbled, bias either way.And hope's handsome fabric so cruelly crumbled: But wheh the fact was laid before, thei" con-Arindsome got on better' by muttering and stut- sciences so nice,S tering, ., That thrice Fee-Fee was found' at fault,: annd sputtering as tlihough tlheir, tongues wanted Fum-Fum only twice,. a-buttering,,. In Fitm-Fum's favor they prepared, their verdict:With muscles all:twitching and pigtails allf t- toimpart,tering,; When they heard a sudden noise that made theirAnd big drops of heat: from their forehlds.down learhed pigtails start,:guttering,- Now it came to pass, as it well might be,.Br no one could make: out thewordsthey r; That when Fum-Fumf anid when Fee-Fee,"uttering. Those rivals-alike in love and books,

Met by themselves in an outer apartment, And to clear up the mystery asked, "What willEach knowing full well what the other at heart come next ?"meant, The lenses loomed large on the noses of sages,They cast at each other some comical looks : And the dear little ladies squeaked out of theirAnd with scornings and sneers cages;And with jibings and jeers, The parents and guardians stood twiddling theirAnd with laughter and leers, queues;As in fact it appears, The mandarins coughed, and the studentsThey treated each other, each anxious to show turned pale;Himself such a much greater man than his foe. And the rag-tag and bob-tail asked what was the" Faugh, faugh !" said Fum-Fum, in a low voice news,to Fee-Fee, When his Majesty ordered theoilprit to jail."Would Fo-Fo give' Faw-Faw to a fellow like On hearing the fact of how Fum-Fum attacked,thee ? And made such rude siege onBy my fay, no, Fee-Fee: fair Faw-Faw is to His fellow collegian,come What mode might be left for the judges to actAs a fee from Fo-Fo to thy foeman, Fum-Fum." It was plain that Fum-Fum, by his headstrong" Nay, few, few," said Fee-Fee, "can believe that proceeding,Fo-- Would have thrown himself out of the field,_ W-rf fair Faw-Faw'to a unth so so-so: In spite of his worth and his erudite reading,"F" F 'ye, no, Fum-Fum fair Fa- ""w is to be If Fee-Fee should ever be healed:As a fee from Fo-Fo to thy foeman, 1 t. Fee." He had lost every claim,As thus spoke Fee*Fee, oh, how wrath *- And they struck off his name :Fum-Fam,, tt as .Fee-Fee appeared tVobe dead,His rage made him hot and his scorn made hi Why there seemed every chancedumb : (His ill-luck to enhance)His swift indignation he. could not restrain, That they shortly might strike off his head.For the fumes of the opium were 'still in his Well, the people- all stared when the judges de-brain. daredHe could not restrain it, so what did he do, That Fuin-Fum was struck off the list;Bat he seized poor Fee-Fee wilh both hands:by And thatFee-Fee woul&lt; be at the top of the tree:the queue, Itff: hhad not so ceased to exist.: And then, swung him round and round over his They gave up his body, so battered and bloody,:. hed, To some of Is friends that were there :S Till his queue And they broke up the. court to betake them to! 'SBroke in two, sport ;:And away Fee-Fee flew, And with kites and sky-rockets, and squibs inWhen stopped by the door, their pockets,He fell plump on the floor, With ifes and drumin and with nice sugar plums,SWhich occasioned the noise which we mentioned The sages, we bet, grew a frolicsome set,before, .. And cared very little for care.And frighted the sages, as also was said. But, alas! for the fate of the foolish Fum-Fum,When the cause of the clamor was known in the Had he only been4 wise, he'd have joined in the.hall, hum -Th'e judges looked grave and the- councillors Now thrust in a dungeon so damp and so dim,blinked, The squibs, fifes, and sugar plums were not for him,And the Emperor' put on- a frown to appal His renown, his Faw-Faw,. too,; he lost for his"So fearful that none. who looked- at him but freak,winked : And might perhapsa lose his head4 by the end' ofUnhappy Fee-Fee was found lying along, the week.No life in his, limbs and no breath in, his Poor pigtailed'Apollo I"jaws, What course could.ho follbw; -Amd a little way off was the cause'of the wrong, Not now having-opium to smother his dread ?With the tip of, the pigtaii still, left in his Why giving a wipepaws. '. ... To the;bowl ofrhis .ipe;The learned professors were greatly perplexed, He out up his pigtail and smoked it instead.a, **1 -f