Straw polls bad for the environment

While the UK considers banning 8,500,000,000 plastic straws a year, many feel that we should also stop asking for referendums 8,500,000,000 times a year. It seems that every time British voters are consulted in an ad-hoc manner, it has does serious damage to the environment, our credibility and the nation’s ability to keep a straight face.

Thanks to our haphazard voting patterns, we could be facing an uncertain future – a post-apocalyptic dystopian wilderness or worse, a hard Brexit without Ant Mcpartlin. This is the very same electorate, who voted for Steve Brookstein and Magna Carta – neither of whom got a second album.

Now with Michael ‘trust me, I’m not an expert’ Gove as Environment Secretary, there is a growing unease that the UK may become a barren desert ruled over by cockroaches and chlorinated chickens. After all Mr. Gove, despite repeatedly being fired, is someone who has endorsed press intrusion and gas exploration – his moto being ‘hack, sack and frack’.

Said one citizen: ‘We’re just clutching at straw polls. Chancers, like Jacob Rees Moggs, would invest in Panda-baiting if there was a profit in it. It’s all very well Nigel Farage dropping fish into the Thames, but the only way he’ll save the environment, is if he jumps in afterwards’.

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