Today I remembered I had a blog. I had a blog when I lived in LA for ten months, you can find it here. I chronicled my move from Chicago to LA, the extra work I did, and my car accident. Eventually I got lazy and stopped updating it. I found it and I went through it, edited out personal stuff, but other than name changes, it’s pretty much there in its entirety. The link is above (and sorry for the nauseating template😒).

Then there is my business blog which you are at. Hello and welcome! I started that when I started my business in 2015. In between both blogs I worked at a job for almost five years, then another one for six months where I was laid off (both were Chicago based tech start ups and I mostly did administrative work), hence me starting a business. This blog also chronicled when my health issues starting, that stem from the car accident in my first blog.

I also have been chronicling my awakening. I completely forgot about my blog posts from last year. They praise BLM and talk about white privilege. At that that point, I didn’t get how bad Soros was. I just knew he was the pro-Hillary version of the Koch Bros and super rich; I had no clue about Agenda 21 or the Cabal (until Q and you all helped me learn). I remember discussing BLM with some conservatives in the fall of 2017 and they said BLM is a terrorist organization and I challenged that. It wasn’t until this year that found out the founder was charged for sex trafficking (FFS). I stopped wearing the pin immediately when I learned that; also, the pin was divisive and I knew it was time for unity (for the record, there are a lot of really great people just trying to be heard, and that is all I ever wanted to show everyone in my activsm efforts; I am trying to be a bridge). I didn’t do any organizing work with the Chicago chapter of BLM directly. The summer of 2017, I tried to set up a second line March, (NOLA style, but in Chicago) for LaQuan McDonald and Ronnieman Johnson. I wanted the city to heal and I wanted to help with that in an uplifting way. We chatted a bit but never actually met and the March never came to fruition.

Then summer into fall of 2017, after Chester Bennington died, I found people linking him on Twitter to Podesta, so I started down the rabbit hole.

Then November, Q started.

Read my posts. See me praise BLM (no mention of Soros funding), talk about white privilege (which in my mind was a message to both sides, especially liberals/pussy hats) and see me have TDS. I called Trump a white nationalist rapist FFS.. THAT WAS THE SOROS NEWS MEDIA AFFECT. See the affects of the leftist “independent” news I consumed. Watch what happens as I unplug from the Matrix. Watch as I go into 2018 starting to red pill and talk about undoing the brainwashing. It’s really fucking cool and I’ve been so busy I forgot I did that. I chronicled my awakening. My going from progressive BernieOrBuster/NeverHillary to a full fledged awakened critical thinking human. My last blog post was April 6, 2018. I started the Q videos April 28, 2018 and forgot about my blog entirely. I woke up because of Q, as well as you all, the peeps I’ve met on Instagram who have given me an insane amount of info. And then, I just researched. In my SJW posts I was begging for racists to wake up, but what following Q showed me is that most people aren’t racist, and that we are all the same, and when we stand together as one, we will not be divided. I’ve spent time on both sides. I understand both perspectives, and then, there is Q + research which equals the truth. I’m most comfortable here, in the truth.

If you’re bored and want to kill an hour, you can go down the rabbit hole of my adult life. Here it is in my own words: me in LA; me as a SJW; me awakening; then my videos and posts on IG. Thanks for taking the time to read

I’m glad some events this last week forced me down memory lane. In my posts I talk about sort of getting a message about what to post and then posting it. It sounds nutty but at this point what am I worried about that for? 😆 In 2016 I just started tuning in to the spiritual part of me I had let starve for several years. That’s it. And I let my instinct lead me where I needed to go. It’s the only way I know how to awaken, so I’m biased, but I think it’s was a healthy way to go through the process.

The thing is, my old blog reminded me, I’m just me. And I’ve always been super honest and forthright about myself and my life. And I’m hoping that my candidness about what I learn as I go helps to become a template for others who are just entering this phase of the awakening process. It’s not easy to face this, but it really does end up being ok. I promise. And honesty is always the best way to go. The truth really friggin’ does set you free

Love,

Mikaela, Robot Interiors

❤️✌🏻✌🏼✌🏽✌🏾✌🏿❤️ #WWG1WGA #NotMeUs #Trump2020 #MAGA #WAKEUPTIME

PS: Contrary to what the liars say about me, my lawyer for my bankruptcy was Angela Spalding of Spalding Law Center... Perkins Coie was the RANDOMLY ASSIGNED TRUSTEE... another reason for me to hate them. Find out all about it here:

The world has me feeling so powerless. This is me taking back my power the only way I know how to, with my honesty:

I’m so overwhelmed right now. That’s the only way to describe how I feel all of the time these days. My 2 year diagnosis date is looming. I have a lot of personal stuff happening and am pretty internal about it all now. I’m pretty solo these days. That’s ok. I’m learning to live a life I never imagined and that’s just that. It’s reality. But when I thought I had a handle on reality, even that got turned on it’s head at the end of last year when Q started and I was handed an even deeper glimpse into the true reality. It’s not pretty, it’s truly and genuinely unbelievable. I knew some of this info before it started and kept a lot of it to myself as it made me extremely sad. Extremely sad. But I assumed I’d just have to deal with that sadness existing there below the surface and that’s that. Then Q shows up at the end of October and opened a can of emotional worms I’ve been chasing since. It’s now April and finally the Q shit is very much ramping up publicly, happening the way the Q team said it would. My understanding is that Q is either a top secret NSA or Military team of people. Q level clearance means you have access to top secret government intel. Since the end of October, this small team of “patriots” (as they call themselves and all of us), has been dropping “breadcrumbs,” basically clues about the reality behind the scenes of our government. And it’s crazy. All of it. But what’s crazier is that it’s true. There are 25,000 sealed indictments that are becoming unsealed, 1000+ CEO’s have resigned from their posts. Human trafficking arrests have gone up by the thousands and that will continue. The Q team said recently that this has been planned for some time now, this transition into the truth of our country’s history and who’s been really running things. I told everyone I know about it. I made the choice to do that because I went through it alone and there’s a lot of really dark information coming out and that’ll continue and I’m only glad because most of the time these days I feel like I can’t fucking breathe. There’s no point in trying to post proof because it’ll all just happen how it’s going to happen: what is meant to be is meant to be. What I’ve learned since April of 2016, since I was diagnosed with my pain disorder, is that the time between birth and death is spent fighting against the literal and metaphorical pains of life, while searching for beauty in the process. Life is just one big battle of light and dark, and learning to ride the wave in the wake of their duel.

Almost two years to the day of my diagnosis and I never thought I’d be following Q, let alone posting about it and publicly declaring this to be truth. It’s so far from my realm of existence on this planet. Or at least it seems that way on the surface with the content that is coming out. But the further below the surface you go, the more you learn about what been going, you’ll start to see what “Q Anon” really is: It’s a group of humans who are done with the lies. It’s the tattletales of the world. It’s the truth speakers. It’s the ones you think believe conspiracy theories. It’s the open minded, the healers, the hippies, the diehard freedom loving patriots, the potheads. It’s the people really sick of the bullshit our government has been traumatizing us with and holding us all hostage with for many years. These are the people who will help guide you through right now if you choose to believe it all, but there won’t be much of a choice eventually so I really, really hope these posts have helped. That’s why I’m here, to help if it’s too much to sort through.

This isn’t easy for me to post. Ever. The intensity of the truths that come out and my health stuff and pain have taken the wind out of my sails this year. That’s the best way to describe this feeling I have that I can’t shake. Now I have to find my own way to sail. I’m trying my best. I’ll post when I can about it but it may be sparse. We will see how it all shakes out. I am always here if people want to talk about it at all.

And if your gut instinct right now is one of rage or anger or you think I’ve defected and you want to call me a Trump supporter just know that I am not a Trump supporter or Hillary supporter or supporter of ANY politician (Bernie included, big gasp), I am a TRUTH supporter. Nothing in this country will change until we all get on the same fucking page and a lot needed to change, you’ll see that the more you learn about what’s really been going on. Trump is the agent (Orange... sick potus burn, sorry I couldn’t help that) of change. He is bringing about the “end of the world” as we knew it. And that is OK, because whatever comes out of this mess that is crumbling (a mess that was not created by “we the people;” we are just pawns in their sick games), out of this mess they made, we rebuild as ONE. That’s how I see it happening. They tried to bury us, they didn’t know we were seeds. Over the last two years I’ve learned that our differences aren’t so much and they really can strengthen us as a country, AND that we can disagree with civility, but that those are BOTH CHOICES that have to be made, but we will never get there if people don’t at least TRY to make connections with each other in spite of our differences. Out of that place is where compromise, empathy, and understanding are born. That’s how I’ve always seen it happening. In April of 2016, after a life changing ordeal, I started to wake up. I’ve been in the process ever since. It’s exhausting (but in a way that strengthens you if you so choose; I’m struggling with that’s part at the moment). It’s mind blowing at times (really weird shit has happened, coincidences that are really crazy). And, other times, it’s full of really honest and beautiful moments ranging from both pure joy to deep sadness, all felt in real time. Though the last two years have been and continue to be some of the most painful I’ve gone through, I’ve gained a heck of a lot of knowledge in the process of all that loss. I hope my feelings come true. I hope we land as one and we don’t divide and crumble. Because when I realized the truth, I decided I had to give my time to those who could use it more than me. That’s all waking up is. That’s what I hope happens for everyone who is new the the Q stuff. The link to Q is below. Be aware that some of it will make you angry and challenge your beliefs or what you believe about those in that you admire. I’m sorry. It really sucks. That’s what makes it all so painful, the betrayal that you’ll feel. I’m here if you need: https://qanon.pub

So here’s the thing, I don’t really like following Q or being apart of the entire “great awakening” process. At all. Man it feels nice to get that off my chest.

Don't get me wrong, part of me doesn’t mind it because it’s really fascinating to watch it all unfold and I am ready to see these people get prosecuted for their crimes. But mostly I don't like being on this end of things, at least not today. On this end of things, it’s pretty mean and angry. I mean, rightfully so, don’t get me wrong; so much damage has been done by those in power. Holocaust levels of lives lost in grotesque ways, and I am not exaggerating unfortunately. And man oh man it’s hard to feel ok about life some days in this place.

And yet here I am, putting my reputation and entire being on the line to be vocal about it and I’m still telling these stories which means I must really be trying to wake people up!

And to what, you ask?

To a really ugly reality that’s coming into focus quite soon.

And a lot of people don’t want to hear it and I get that, I didn’t and don’t and never wanted to. I lost a lot of my heroes in the last few years, some friends, I've lost a lot. But I’m stuck with sharing it so read on if you wanna.

When I’ve written in the past about pedophilia and human trafficking at the highest levels of our government, I may have mentioned that there are also charities that are involved. OXFAM won’t be the last charity that we hear about in relation to human trafficking. Also, a judge in KY (who's smug expression I would like to smack off his stupid face). I said this goes deep, far into government agencies, and including politicians, celebrities, Hollywood. It’s reaches are really pretty awful actually. I hate it a really awful lot.

But healing cannot happen without reality matching up for everyone.

That’s just how we can move forward as a species. This is just one painful step closer to something beautiful. No matter how rough these days feel, that thought sticks in my mind. So let's hope everyone friggin' proves me right.

Hi. It’s me. How’s it going? I’ve had better months but I’m still alive so I guess there's that!

Ok, so. The following is a news story that will start to sound very familiar over the coming weeks. Only it’ll involve top officials in both political parties. Yes. That’s right. Pedophilia in both political parties at the highest level. Yes, this is a fact. A very difficult one to accept. And it’s ok if you don’t believe me, there will be plenty of evidence to back it up soon. Think about the missing emails. Think about Anthony Weiner’s laptop. Everything is connected. We’ve all been lied to pretty badly. I think many are starting to see it, though. If you’re liberal or a progressive and you don’t believe that this is an eventuality, this news is going to hit you like a ton of bricks. I would encourage anyone and everyone to start to open their minds up. Let go of your preconceived notions about what’s going on and everything you think you know because they’re about to be blown out of the water. The media has been white knuckling it with Russia lies since Trump’s election because they’re complicit in all of this. Yep. Washington DC pretty much fucking sucks.

“But Mikaela, you sound like a Trumper and right a winger and conspiracy theorist, therefore you’re crazy and can’t be trusted!!”

Ok. Sure. That’s a possibility. I’m not any of those but ok.OR it COULD be that maybe, just maybe, officials in our government used their power to buy and sell children (adults too) for a profit of $150 billion dollars a year? And that they used the media to sell a narrative to cover it up? And because of this, they all have dirt on each other to keep it under wraps. And the cycle continues because everyone who's involved sucks and wouldn’t even try to stop it.

I hate these people so much. I try to avoid the word hate as much as I can, but not with these horrible people. To do what they’ve done, they are not people at all actually. Anyone who called themselves a human being wouldn’t do this type of stuff to other human being, especially kids. I hate them. A lot. You will soon too, you’ll see. If you have a heart and a brain and you learn about this stuff, you will too. It’s a lot to process through so just be ready as much as you can. I didn’t have anyone to warn me. I figured it out on my own and it wasn’t an easy process to go through. I’m here if ya need. And to the humans of Haiti, I’m so so sorry. I’m just really sorry.

#qanon post ahead, and regarding these types of posts, I started to organize my info but honestly I just can’t. With my health crap, I can’t spend my time sorting through Q posts and the info they provide because it’s an insane amount of info. We are talking years of corruption being dismantled. And that means I may get details mixed up but like I’ve said before, I’ll do my best. It’s a lot of info so I’m just going to take them as they come. This is a more recent post as far as I know and a good place to start. When the shit really hits, I imagine most people will start with the most recent posts and work their way backwards. Ok. So if you’re reading this then welcome. It means you know something very big is happening and about to happen and you want to be prepared. Chances are you’ve been hearing more and more about human trafficking on social media in the last few months. This is a doozy of a topic and sadly there will be so much info surrounding this whole topic coming out all at once, so I can imagine your wanting to attempt a chance at solid footing during this time by preparing, but don’t plan on it. I’ve known this stuff for over a year now and it still wrecks me. Fair warning, this will feel messy and yucky for literally everyone on the planet (except for the perpetrators, they know what they’ve done and I hope they get what’s coming to them). The point of growth is that it hurts but that in the end, you’re better off for it. My goodness I hope that’s true. Ok, so I went through all of my political or social justice posts from the last year and added #robotinteriorsforrevolution so that you can get a clear stance as to where I stand on things. Many MAGA people believe that once this scenario plays out, there will be no racism. They see it as a tool used by the Democrats to divide people. I see that too, but I also know that white supremacy is built into the backbone of our country. One of my firm beliefs after learning more and more on this subject is that communities of color have become the target of this entire trafficking industry, and I believe it was by design set up by the Clintons. That’s just my belief after thinking this over for some time, and I’ve thought about it a lot. Because your mind will try to justify this stuff away, why people would do this, you try to really rationalize why but you won’t be able to, unfortunately. The 1996 crime bill as an example: a good way to get access to kids of color while enriching your buddies in the prison industry is to put their parents in jail at disproportionate rates to those of their white counterparts. Then the CF was formed in 1997, an eventual place to launder the money once a system is in place. It all makes sense when you start to piece it together. That’s my speculation based on trying to wrap my head around why someone would do something so awful and of course that is because I believe the Clintons to be some of the most evil people on the planet. The more you learn of their actual deeds, the more you will to, and I’m sorry if you thought them a champion of humanity, but the only thing they are champions of is looting, plundering, and destroying as hard and fast as they can. It’s insane how they’ve gotten away with it once you see it. You’ll see it soon too. It can be jarring. The more we learn about the ugliness of this picture, the more you will see what I see. And stuff like this can lead to an uprising so we have to be really on point with how we address this topic, but we do have to address it. This is the part where people will have to come together to help each other through.

One of the posts that I found as I was back tagging (is that a phrase?) my posts was one about an alarmingly high number of missing girls in DC. It was from March of last year and I was ranting and raving (as I do) about the fact that if your a kid of color, your either profiled or shot by cops or kidnapped into slavery. You are much more likely to be targeted if you are black, Latinx, indigenous, trans, this is truth in our country. At that point the number missing was already up to 500 in DC alone, three months into 2017. It’s diffucult because these cases can literally all be dismissed as runaways, and if the PD’s are complicit in covering up these trafficking crimes (which I believe we will find out that some are, unfortunately), then how easily this topic can be dismissed and the blame placed on the victims, and then how does that adversely affect the stats being collected. Regarding stats on this subject, the other thing I find fascinating and so frustrating is that the statistical numbers of actual trafficked humans varies widely depending on what organizations you look up, hence the adversely affected stats. So I went to Wikipedia cause what else does anyone do?

I’ve never seen the profit number as high as $150 Billion. $35 billion is the highest I saw, $150? Stop and process that amount of money for a minute. That number is staggering. The numbers on Wikipedia line up with Trump’s executive order and that stat of 4.5 million humans sex trafficked I’ve seen on a few trafficking prevention sites. Ugh. And of that number, about 2 million are kids. I hate these people so much. Q’s latest posts says to read the executive order from December 21st carefully as it’ll come into play soon, which makes me believe the arrests will become public soon.

I’m not going to link it. Google it. You have to start researching this for yourself now as a huge info dump will happen and it’ll be a lot to sort through. At the bottom is a list of offenders. I believe the more this list is researched, the more the Clintons will tie in. This relates to the high number of CEO resignations that are happening, as well. This runs deep, I’m telling you guys, dark and deep. This is why the breadcrumbs from Q, to prepare people. There will be a lot of deaths and suicides. This will not be an easy time. I’m really sorry.

In all the mental prep I’ve been doing to prepare others for this topic, I haven’t even begun to really imagine life on the other side of this. What will it look like? Will it be a kinder world or a harsher one? Will kids be safer? How will this change America for people of color and other marginalized communities? Those are about the only things I care about right now and I’ve thought about it all a lot and I just can’t tell. I’m afraid it won’t. I’m just really hoping it does. And I’m doing my best to do work that helps change things. I’ve realized that’s all I can do. That and beg others to do more. So I’ll keep it up until this gets fixed or until I die.

For the record: I’m just somebody who’s following this shit, along with some insider confirmations (Q). That’s all that separates me from you. You can read Q yourself and piece it together, just plan on suspending your disbelief and letting go of everything you thought you knew (ya know, NBD). It seems like I know what I’m saying but I’m just reading and learning and I just decided to stop shutting off to this topic. And I opened up my mind. For better or worse, it’s taken me to places I never imagined.

Energy doesn’t die, it transfers. When the suffering is done, what does that energy transmute to, and then what kind of healing happens when this type of evil is exposed at this massive of a level? About the only thing I’ll be grateful for when this topic blows wide open is that I can be like everyone else again in that others will know details too. It’s a real burden carrying this info around. There’s so much to piece together. I’ll do my best to stay on top of it but it’s a difficult topic so I can’t make promises. My job is to get you through this time right now. That’s all I know. After that, it’s a brave new world, my loves, and everything is possible.

(I used that post title as a hashtag but it cracks me up so much I had to use it again).

Holy shit I can think. They took out my gallbladder today and I can think again. The power of pain is greatly underestimated. I think this sucker has been bothering me longer than I may have realized. I woke up two weeks ago Sunday in the worst pain I’ve had in some time. It was different than the chronic pain stuff. It was hot and burning and pushing and radiating and angry. My other pain is sorrowful but this pain was maaaad. I had an event I had to get to downtown that morning so I made myself get up and go and hand out some flyers. But I couldn’t stay, my body was screaming at me. And the drive home I screamed in the car that my gallbladder was dying. It’s all I could think to do because it hurt so dang much. That’s what it felt like and I just knew it. And I asked for help over and over and over again until I got it. I’m in pain right now, don’t get me wrong, and they say the next three days won’t be easy, but just hours after surgery I can feel it gone, the misery bag that my little gallbladder had become, and thereby I became. I couldn’t eat. I didn’t eat for a week. No. Joke. I had a bowl of soup tonight and it was so effing good omg. Then a box of Mac and cheese and man was that good, too. I can’t believe we let people go without food in this country. I’m sorry I’ll say it, food and water should be free for shits sake. Call me whatever label you want but I’m so done. Why would we do this to other human beings? When you can’t have it, it’s awful to think of those who just don’t get to have it. They just don’t have food. WTFF America.

This pain the last few weeks was so bad I couldn’t focus enough to do anything but lay here and just think. There’s been a lot of laying and waiting while my family has been with sitting around and waiting with me. So, the other day when my dad asked if I have a living will, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It isn’t a bad question at all and got me thinking: I’m alone now, that’s just a fact. I need to think of grown up shit like that. So my grown up response was to write a letter whilst on narcotic pain meds using a pencil and some lined paper. That’s growned ups, right? I just wrote a quick front and back 2-pager about what to do in the event of my untimely demise. But half the letter was just me soapboxin’ how I tend to do sometimes. I lined some of what I wrote in black micron and decided I might as well share it.

“Please heed my warning and spread it far and wide: if humanity doesn’t try to come together, there will be bloodshed, lives lost in the 1000’s. There already are. People have to work on letting go of their

anger with each other. Otherwise we are doomed. There is a BIGGER picture here, there always has been. The challenge is waking up to it, and then keeping it in your perspective view all the time. It takes work but is worth it. BIG PICTURE. We are just a blip in time always. Always. Always. Always.”

“My greatest wish is for everyone to realize that choosing to love and believe each other is a choice that allows the freedom to grow, and therefore to better understand each other. May humanity learn the true levels of its power when it’s power is rooted in love. I love you all.”

A few silver lining sidenotes about today. I’m OK. I’m good. I really feel OK and it’s nice to say that after the last two weeks. My Maahm (Minnesotan for Mom) got me some cozy socks and a microwave neck warmer at the gift shop and the fact that I’ve gone this long without one of these neck warmers with my cervical spine praahblems (Minnesotan for problems) is madness. Perhaps the best part of the day besides ridding myself of my angry lil gallmadder was running into an old friend at the hospital. I’ve been going to the hospital I volunteered at in high school. I logged 400+ hours there and did so working at the patient information desk with this woman named Cheryl. I haven’t seen her for 16 years and as I hobbled to admitting there she was at the info desk and I just looked at her and she remembered me right away and we gave each other the biggest hug. She reminded me that I used to walk out in front of the big desk and would pretend to walk down some stairs that didn’t exist, haha. So dumb. It was the perfect soul to see on my way to that life event.

Life shakes me up like nothing else, man. It’s such a trip. See ya next fall. Hahha thanks for reading.

I woke up to the Clinton Foundation trending on Twitter which means what the “MAGA” people call “The Storm” is upon us. I’d like to start by saying I am not a Trump supporter. I am no longer even a Bernie supporter. I realized after 2016 that it is in my best personal health interest to no longer give my heart and dedication to one candidate, politician, or party, because what they are beholden to seems to never be the people and their best interests. And I’m so done with operating that way. Where and what this choice will lead me to has yet to be determined but I’m riding the wave nonetheless with my head upright and looking at all sides and all information and doing my best to decipher the lies from truth. As a result, from what I’ve learned over the last year and a half, I now consider myself an interpreter. I am an interpreter between the divided left and right. And I have been and will continue to do my best to discern fact from fiction as the coming weeks unfold. But a ton of these facts that are coming out are so messed up they sound like fiction which is why it’s so hard to wrap your head around. That's why I’m here. It’s my purpose and I realized this a few months ago. I’m here to help everyone through probably one of the weirdest times our country will go through. If you are a strong Dem or on the far left and you don’t see what’s about to hit, I will be able to help you now. But this may be a difficult time for you. I hope it isn’t. It’s ok if it is, though, because on the other side of things, when the truth is out and everyone is on the same page, that's when we can really fuck some shit up in a good way. That's how the real progressive change can happen in the coming years. And when you scrap labels they put on you and open your mind, it means you are now free to traverse the path that YOU, not THEY, set for you. It means you take back the controls and get to decide what you want out of this life.

There is always light in the dark. Always. I cannot emphasize that enough.

Over the coming days I’ll post more but for now I need y’all to prepare yourselves for a shit ton of really intense information that’s going to come out. There’s a decent chance you’ve seen or will see an influx of a police presence around your town, as well. That’s part of this whole storm thing, part of the "transition" period. Again, this will be a difficult time. I’ve been saying since the election that things will get worse before they get better. This is that part. The information is out there if you choose to look. Many have opened up their minds enough to see and it’s a conscious choice to do that; to put it blatantly:you have to choose to undo the brainwashing that has been done to you. It’s a jarring process to go through but a necessary one in order for the country to move forward. The veil will be lifted for everyone now. I’m here via DM if you need. And to the MAGA people, I know you feel very happy about all of this, but I need you all to work a lot harder on your compassion and empathy for those who aren’t expecting this. Remember this has been done TO people. Just because someone can’t or doesn’t want to believe this doesn’t mean you get to be a dick to them about it. Activate your empathy. And lastly (if you’ve stuck with me this far, thank you ), if you need to unfollow or stop talking to me, it’s ok. I’m used to that now and I no longer take it personally. We are all on our own path. I will always be happy to welcome people back. Always.

I’m feeling kind of tired today. Really tired, actually. I spend my time sort of navigating a lot emotions. My own and others, and not always by choice. It’s just sort of how I’m wired now. I try to fight it but often times it just has to run its course. Today I’m feeling heavy hearted for the mothers of police shooting victims. It’s just extra heavy on me today. I’ve been meeting more mothers of the victims these last few months and it’s just really unfathomable to me how they can stay very strong in the midst of it all; of all the grief that is left in the wake of these events. Then, another incident hits the community, a death, a sloppy investigation, no charges. It’s building like a tidal wave. The more and more the police aren’t held accountable in a real and transparent and justice serving manner, the higher the wave grows. And the force of the wave is lead by these women, these mothers, who will not let the death of their babies be for nothing. What a heavy thing to pull behind you all day every day. I think that’s the weight I’m feeling today. My hope for the coming months is that there is surge of support for communities of color targeted by police, but my fear is that it will get worse before it gets better. I hope I’m wrong. I met a friend named Angie at the Prince show last night, a fellow healer. She was there with her friend Jimmy and they sat at my table and we all laughed quite a bit all night. We sat there talking for a while and we had a lot to talk about, with the state of the country and world. Angie and I both agreed that if every able bodied person volunteered in some cause or another, the sheer support levels would give such a voice to these issues that there would be no alternative but to fix the oh so many problems in our country. We talked about privilege and the blinders that come with it that you have to choose to take off so you can see reality, no matter how ugly that reality can seem. A lot of people get defensive at the idea of privilege. I can understand why, but it’s a real thing that exists in this country. It just is. Although I do think the immense income inequality growth that is happening will soon help wipe that out. The disappearing middle class has to go somewhere. The powers that be aren’t messing around anymore, and she and I talked about that, as well. We discussed being smaller parts of something way bigger and that's the key, to remember that fact everyday because it really takes you out of yourself and back into the flow of the universe. It lets you see the big picture and connect the dots. And I know it all sounds so hippytown to say all of that but YOLO, that’s how healers and empaths roll, yo. The thing about that show last night was that the focus was on love because Prince was all about that. The message is: love each other-we are all the same-stop being so damn angry at each other. And the idea that love is stronger than hate and I think a lot of people really mock that idea. I know they do, in fact. But it’s something I know to be true. I just friggin’ do in my gut. Love is powerful and in time, more people will see that truth as long as they make the effort to see it. If these mothers can make the immense effort it takes to face the days ahead without their children, and to fight for justice, then surely we can all try harder ourselves. I’m a pusher, I know. It’s also just how I’m made, but it comes from a good place, I promise you. Thanks for stopping by and reading. Here’s to a solid week ahead of heartfelt love for our fellow humans.

Some of you may think I’m crazy or a Trump lover or a conspiracy theorist by me posting what I’m about to post here, and that’s fine. I even had someone accuse me of being manic recently when I sent them a warning about this info. I’ve survived having worse thought of me. And I’m not manic, the world is just turning on it’s head fast for those who haven’t seen it from this light yet. In another post, someone asked me what now? If you’re a “woke” person but you see that the ones with a voice aren’t using it fast or loud enough, then what? I’ve been asking myself this question for the last few months when I became privy to info people don’t want to hear but that will come out anyways. I knew some of it from the primary last year, from the leaked DNC emails, but the more I’ve learned, the harder it’s been to function like everything is ok. I’ve warned the people I know as best I could. In the days to come, Trump is “draining the swamp” like he said he would. There is an anti corruption sweep happening all over the world. It started in Saudi Arabia, look it up. Thousands will be arrested, some already have. A lot of this surrounds human trafficking at the very upper levels. Which means, people who aren’t ready to face the dark deeds of their heroes or those they admire, they may be left feeling broken. And when people are broken, they are even easier to control. So. So what do we do when we feel lost? We stop, catch our breath as best we can, and we work together to find our way back. Together. The people who are championing this action of Trump’s are refusing to see a big glaring truth: that we are in a militarized police state that doesn’t see color when it comes to destruction, and Trump is an authoritarian white nationalist rapist (EDIT: I must clarify that when I wrote this I was still under some MSM induced delusions. It is now May of 2019 and I write this edit because I have to. It’s bothering me too much. Trump isn’t those things. Check out https://linktr.ee/robotinteriors for articles debunking the media lies about Trump. Wake yourself up. It is amazing what we fall for. He’s stopping so much evil including most of what I’m going on about in this post and he’s done so much good ESPECIALLY for people of color. Ok, feel free to read on. This is my awakening. Enjoy. And my apologies, Mr. President. Thank you for taking on this incredible burden. I will forever love you for it.). And his faults are equal to those whom he admonishes. No one who owns gold toilets while humans sleep on the streets below is a hero. This fight ultimately comes down to the 99% vs 1%, not Dem vs GOP, or left vs right. This is about the rich destroying the world for their own profit, and in the process destroying many aspects of our day to day lives. And the people who feel it the most are the poor, but the affects are reaching people who are whatever’s left of the middle class, and it’s spreading faster and faster and this tax bill is a glaring example of the level of greed we are up against. People of color have been a target of the government since our country began, but they’re setting their sights on everyone now. So. Now what? We respond by organizing, and those who can should run for office at the local level, and eventually congress. Level, mature heads must fill the house and senate. There are a lot of activists that have been fighting these battles for years and already know how: listen to them. I can’t emphasize that enough. Show up and listen and keep showing up. Join existing organizations. Make them grow. If there isn’t a group near you, make one. These groups are comprised of working people who just want to make this world better. They are you and me. And we protect those who need it as best we can. We educate everyone we know on the truth. I didn’t know it until recently, until I found out the events to come, but this is why I’ve been pushing for both sides to come together and make peace. That was me listening to something inside telling me to post what I post. That’s how I do it. The idea comes and I execute it. And now I get that there’s a reason. Because we will all need each other now. I knew something big was coming, a lot of us have been feeling that, but I didn’t know what. Now I do. And it’s all pretty devastating the more you go below the surface. But, from the rubble of whats left, we rebuild. We use this as a time to bring about true progressive (ya know, derived from the word PROGRESS) reform and make a country that works for everyone. But we have to get on the same page. Racism must die. Sexism must die. Privilege of all kinds must die. Some old ways must die off, that is just the reality. The purge is helping us form a new moral compass as a society, but equality for all, empathy, compassion, that is the only way forward. And out of that we can build a true party of the people. However it’ll come together, I don’t know. But it will. We will need it to now. This is the post I’ve been putting off because I don’t want to be the one to share this news because I know many will find much fault in this theory and it’s sources and will think I’ve gone off a ledge, but the news over the coming days and weeks will confirm all of this. I have the knowledge for a reason and that’s to guide you through this time as best I can. None of this is new, this corruption, but how we respond to it can be. I spent all of this time last year hand wringing thinking it was hopeless until I finally got involved this spring and even more so this fall. They’re more of us than there are of them. A year ago no one responded to Colin Kaepernick, and now his activism is being honored and recognized. It takes time, it takes focus, but we can make this world better. We can do this, mankind. We got this. Not me, us.

I have to get some thoughts out on this Thanksgiving Eve (someone I was at a meeting with tonight called it “F*** the Pilgrims Day,” which I am in favor of quite a bit). Things are pretty torn apart both in our country and within families these days. I imagine that there will be some conversations tomorrow and over the weekend about the insanity that is our world right now, and I can also imagine how that can stir up emotions like anger, which can lead to lashing out, which is how conflict escalates and how divisions grow wider.

The word woke means a lot of things to a lot of people these days, and I tend to stay away from it usually. It feels appropriated to me. Also, I often feel weird about groupthink phrases or buzzwords/phrases. It weirds me out! Like when people say someone “threw them under the bus.” That didn’t come from anywhere. That isn’t a thing other than that saying, look it up. That and “game changer.” That’s not from any sport ever. Look it up! I do however love internet lingo af rn. Ok ok, I digress. Tonight it clicked that being “woke,” means you’ve chosen (by force or otherwise) to lift the veil and look at and accept things you may not want to, on all levels of reality, including about yourself. I’ve been spending this last year trying to open up my mind as much as I can because last year it got opened up too fast for me and it really screwed with my mind for a bit. Here is where I’ve landed; and I hope this helps in your conversations with family and friends over the coming days and weeks:

So, in life you can’t have all light and no dark. You can’t have only one ever, because everyone’s life ends in the dark and no one knows what’s after this and that’s just reality. You can have your idea of heaven or nothingness or whatever it is you believe comes after this life (an eternity of a 24 cookie binge, no stomach ache, thanks ya); but in the end is when we will each find out. I’m sorry it’s not easy to read or hear but that is just reality. So. With that fact. Now what? Well, now that we’ve accepted the darkest fact of life (ya know, NBD), then that is when we have the bravery and courage to not only look at, but recognize, mourn, and respect the darkest parts of our shared realities. RECOGNIZE that the level of and degree of malice should be leveled the same in all situations. MOURN the fact that we’ve let it all go on for so long and done nothing to fix the problem. Get angry then mourn it, with a much deserved RESPECT to the reality the victims experienced, and then choose to stand up and say no more. As more of this purge happens, more dark stuff will come out. A lot more. But do not dispaire, where there is dark, guess what, there is also light! So please remember that in the reality we share, yours and mine, the one of me and my family member and me and my friend and me and my neighbor, we are not the labels they put upon us that we then ascribe to each other. Labels lead to judgement. Judgment leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. You are not your labels. Open up your mind and heart because now, tomorrow with your family and friends, that is where you should put your hearts and open minds to work and get to know each other again and to be each other’s light in this dark. Because this life is very short. You shouldn’t leave behind loose ends. It won’t feel good later on, believe-you-me. I give you permission to forgive each other and to believe each other in order to move forward, however that may look in this new world we are forging. You’ll see how close together you really are. I swear you will. Be nice to each other, be compassionate, be empathetic. Be a human being.

I've been sitting on this post for some time now. I didn't know if I should post it, but some conversations these last few days are pushing me to do it, so I guess this is the time to post it. If you are reading these, I thank you for hearing me out. We have to keep doing what we are doing, saying what we are saying, because it's working. The BLM movement is louder and getting heard and that is what needs to happen. Even if you don't feel like it is, if you think these conversations with your loved ones are pointless, they are not at all and keep them up. We can't move forward until we are all on the same friggin' page, so let's keep working at it.

In July, the week after Nabra Hassanen and Charneelna Lyles were killed, a last minute memorial was put together on the Southside of Chicago in Assata's Gardens, so I decided to attend. It was put together by a few female and Muslim (and in some cases both) activists. The response to a week of violence against women of color, of really heavy violence, was this peaceful gathering at the garden run and maintained by a group named Assata's Daughters. They are named for Assata Shakur, Tupac's mom and an outspoken activist and Black Panther. The gardens themselves were beautiful and so were the memorials. Several people spoke and most spoke about the vulnerablity of being a woman of color, being Muslim, or both, in this country. They disscussed how scary and vulnerable it feels to ride the train alone, especially wearing a hijab. They discussed the every day aggressions they face in the big city known as Chicago. They discussed how it feels to have to fight to exist every day. When your mayor ignores you for years and years and always, how can anyone ever feel safe in a city that treats its citizens, YOU, as disposable? There is no feeling safe in that space. None.

I am going to discuss some truths now. My aim here is not to sensationalize what I experienced, but rather to paint an honest picture of the reality of the situation. While a group of about 40 people stood in gardens built and maintained by women of color who are actively fighting to make Chicago livable, gun shots happened. It was in an alley about 100 feet away. And the shots happened for about 10-15 minutes as the activists spoke over the sound to share their fears and to provide hope to a group of people gathered for peace. And as the gun shots rang out in the background, police drove around the open field we were in more than once, in both marked and unmarked cop cars. A police helicopter flew overhead. These are the facts. These are the truths. This is what I experienced. These human beings are targeted by a system who's sole aim is to tear them down. This is fact, this is truth, this is reality.

The memorial lasted about an hour. Towards the end, they opened it up for anyone to speak. An older gentleman discussed how awful the availability of mental healthcare has become in Chicago. He said there only a handful of mental health clinics left, and a few are not clearly marked making them impossible to find, and they are also not wheelchair accessible. What I find at events planned by Chicago activists is that they provide a safe place of non judgement so that someone, anyone who needs to, has the chance to make their voice and fears heard. If you've ever been not believed, not heard, or ignored or blamed for something you have no control over, having a safe space to share your fears, well, I can only describe it as feeling like you can breathe again, even if it's just for that moment in time.

Black Lives Matter is not a terrorist organization. Someone said that to me recently, and I am calling bullshit on that one pretty hardcore. Their group only exists as a response to the perils people of color face in this country every day. If not for violence brought against them by their own government, by their own mayor, by the police who are supposed to protect and serve them, there would be no need for people of color to remind their fellow humans (specifically white ones) why they matter. No one should have to plead their humanity to survive. Not in the richest country in the world, not in the poorest country in the world. We are designed to elevate each other. We are designed to work in tandem for a greater good. It's time to wake up, now. It's the time in our history where we right the wrongs done to our fellow humans of color. This is that time, now. Thanks for reading.

About a year ago, I decided to take some pictures to try to illustrate exactly what my pain disorder would look like if you could see it (for reference, I have Myofascial Pain Syndrome from a car accident in 2008 and another head injury after that). I told this to my therapist at the time and she challenged me, asking does it matter? If I could show someone, it wouldn't necessarily mean they would truly understand it. She also challenged me to get out of bed and push through the pain to get back into life. She pretty much ruled as a therapist. I was still determined to try, though, because it felt important to me. So, I painted my skin red in the areas that hurt all the time and I took some photos. I came across them the other day and I feel like I'm seeing them for the first time. I'm in the same pain shape these days as I was in these pictures, taken the day before the election. Looking back, I was probably begging for a distraction. This time last year was not a happy time for me. Now, I don't know, I just see things so differently today, my pain included. Maybe that's why they seem truer to me today than they have when I've looked at them throughout the last year. When I look at these now, it's like I'm seeing the whole me, as I am now and will be from now on, pain disorder and all. I see a me in the mirror that looks like regular old me, just like everyone else sees, but she isn't a true representation anymore of what I really feel like in my own body. And then I see these and it's like Toto pulled back the friggin' curtain and I'm forced to accept this thing as it is, blatant, naked, there constantly, there always, with me forever. The hardest part about this thing, more than the pain even, is the acceptance it takes to face every day. It takes constant radical acceptance in every moment. Because if you stop and think about it, about how you got here, about how long you've been here, and about how long you will be here, it's enough to drive the sanest person mad. So maybe there is a reason I took these afterall. Maybe it's to show what this feels like, so that others can have some understanding of what invisible pain looks like. By the by, emotional pain is invisible pain, and it's there with all of us all of the time. We carry it with us through the day to day, even after we heal from it. Emotional and physical pain are one in the same, if you ask me. And we carry this stuff around with our regular ol' faces, every day all day. If you don't know how to spot pain, how can you even begin to understand it? So maybe this will help. I don't generally edit my photos or use filters, so these are all raw photos. I narrowed down quite a few to these. My right arm and right leg, either side of my neck, my shoulders. The rest of me when I over do it. Which I did yesterday, so today I am paying for it, so today I am posting this. More text below the gallery.

My Right Arm

My Right Leg, P.1

My Right Leg, P.2

My Right Leg, P.3

My Right Leg, P.4

My Right Leg, P.5

My Right Leg, Close Up, With A Rainbow In The Middle

My Cervical Spine

My Right Shoulder, P.1

My Right Shoulder, P.2

My Right Shoulder, P.3

My Right Shoulder, P.4

My Left and Right Shoulders

I painted my pain in red to show you how it feels in my skin every day. The paint came off easily, but the pain doesn't go away easily at all. It only goes from mediocre to worse, then back and forth like that. I spend my days trying to get back to mediocre. Stress makes it worse. When I'm in a flare up and the pain is diffuse, imagine the red is now glowing, lit up brightly, and is all over my whole body. I also have this thing I call cold wet spots. Throughout the day, it will all of a sudden feel like I've had an electrical shock, then as if a cold drop of water is running down whatever part of my body that this occurs (it happens all over, whenever), and when it gets really bad, it feels like it's sprinkling on me, outside or inside, wherever I am at in that moment. Sometimes my teeth hurt badly and are sensitive for a day or two, then totally fine for a few, then back to hurting. Sometimes my scalp hurts badly. These are some of the symptoms I deal with. There are plenty more. I don't think you will get what it's like to be in my skin by looking at these photos. I don't expect you to, in fact, I have no expectations at all from sharing these. But if they help someone in pain feel sane again, or seen, or heard, or understood, then it seems like they were worth sharing after all.

I got into a discussion about stuff tonight. I get into discussions a lot these days, but the last few days I've been at the beginning of getting sick and when that happens, I sort of lose a grip on controlling emotions. So far, I've been sick three times since this pain shit started, and with each time, I find I'm a completely different person for about five days. I get really complainy about the pain because the flu makes my whole body hurt all over, and I just talk about it sucking the whole time. After day three I'm usually ready to call it a life. So, I spent today hoping this time I could find the fun and not get so serious but I got into a discussion. And so here I am wide awake because the convo stirred some shit up, and maybe that's not a bad thing? The convo turned into why I take this stuff so personally. By this stuff I mean the Democrats and what they did. So I'm going to share some things now. I think we've all been lied to for some time by the people in charge on both sides. The primary race between Bernie and Hillary proved a lot of things, but one big glaring thing is that it showed how far an organization, one that claims it's for the people, one that gained an entire generation of supporters due to one man (Obama) saying he wanted to change the system (that we now know they designed); it showed how far an organization would go to keep life very hard for millions of people to keep filling their own damn pockets with money. It showed that they don't actually have my best interests at heart at all, in fact they're profiting off of my perceived misfortunes. If they did have my best interest at heart, they wouldn't have allowed predatory student loan lending practices to decimate my generation, they would have not only promoted but passed legislation to make a living wage for my fellow humans so that no one is working full time and living in poverty, they wouldn't have promoted fracking as being an acceptable practice if they genuinely cared about my health and the planets health and how it's affected by the environment, they would have jailed the Wall Street bankers who fucked over millions of people, who bankrupted millions of people, instead of giving them fucking bonuses while people sleep in the streets and go hungry in homes they can't afford because rents have doubled in the last decade in many cities. Doubled. Doubled. Fucking doubled. Especially in lower income neighborhoods. Something is happening around us and we all have to wake up to it. We can't allow these injustices to continue even if we don't experience them personally, because this is no way to treat other people. It just isn't. And finally, in 2008, after being hit by a car, I refused an ambulance and didn't go to the hospital because I was terrified of medical debt. I was 25 and survived being hit basically head on (left side), thrown into the air, landing on my right side, and didn't get any imaging done, no neck brace, I just kept chugging along in life because I was too fucking scared I'd be 25 and drowning in medical bills for the rest of my life because I could only afford the $45/month policy for disaster insurance. What is more of a disaster than being hit by a fucking car? Fast forward a decade, and I'm permanantly and perpetually in pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am never not in pain. I am all day every day reminded of why I am in pain. That is why I will never ever forget the 2016 primary and the lessons I learned. That's why I take it all so personally. Because it IS very personal for me. Its my entire fucking life now.

I met the Draft Bernie humans at the Peoples Summit. I was helping that cause for a while but I had to let something go and it was that because I'm SO sick of giving the Democrats any more of my time or ire. They don't deserve a fucking second more of my time they've wasted enough of it already (they're getting it right now, I know I know, but for good reason, stick with me). The Draft Bernie people were the Bernie Sanders delegates who were treated horribly by the DNC. During the convention a year ago July, they were kicked out of the theatre and locked out of the building, then locked behind fences. They were silenced by the one part of the two party system that is supposed to care about them and their lives. They were part of a primary campaign that went on for a year, one that solely relied on people power and people's money ($222mill to be exact) one that brought thousands of people together. Programmers built dialing systems and apps for volunteering, people made calls and campaigned all over for him, all on volunteer time. Bernie would have thousands of people at his rallies in areas of the country never once visited by a politician. He went to Harlem and the Bronx, he went to the border fence where families visit each other, literally through a fucking fence. Jane Sanders visited the AZ jail that Joe Arpaio ran because she wanted to call him the fuck out and she did. The people in this country who deserve a voice were given one; and the DNC, the Democratic Party, the Super Delegates, and the Hillary campaign took a big fat dump on all of that, then they turned around and denied it flat out to a media that shares their lies as facts. That is what the Draft Bernie people are trying to tell everyone. These are some really amazing people; kind, thoughtful, hopeful people. Being hopeful is not a bad quality, we have just been told it's not realistic because that keeps us complacent. This is all by design. The revolution, or whatever you want to call it, is about the people who actually give a shit, it's about those people standing up, speaking up, and who collectively see that there is a bigger picture here, this is about the betterment of the species, caring for our fellow man, no matter what, for the good of humankind. And it's about waking up those who maybe aren't seeing the whole picture as one big puzzle, because it's a lot of little things that are equaling out to one big thing, a revolution or whatever, that will take an effort from all of us. It's not about Bernie and it never was. He was just the spark to light the fire. We are the flames, the oxygen that feeds the flames, the scorchers of the earth, the ones who will change the landscape of this system and make it one that works for all and that means ALL: Man, woman, non binary, trans, black, white, indigenous, immigrant, latinx, Asian, lgbtq, straight, religious, spiritual, atheist, humans living on the street and in poverty, incarcerated humans, mentally ill humans, and the only damn label that matters: HUMAN BEING. I am living fucking proof that this country will drive you into the ground if you don't see the warning signs. I'm showing you those signs now because it's my duty. It's my mission. It just is now. Thanks for reading.

The group of human beings that showed up to the kick off of #200nightsoffreedom in #milwaukee this evening. I'll post more details in the coming days, but I wanted you guys to see how packed it got in the Milwaukee City Hall this evening. This started with a committee of humans of all colors coming together to plan a celebration of the 50th anniversary of 200 nights of civil rights actions that took place in 1967, and forever changed the face of this city. There is still a lot more to be done, though. These four R's are steps our country and my fellow white humans must take in order to move forward and heal as a society:

1. Recognition

2. Reignition

3. Reckoning

4. Reconciliation

The 3rd and 4th were not actually outright outlined, but they are undercurrent themes to this action that need to be called out specifically. The following is my interpretation of these four R's:

1. Recognition of the true history of this country. Recognition that this country is set up unfairly for people of color and poor people of all colors. And an honest recognition of some deep seated white supremecy that runs this country. Nothing will change if we don't acknowledge this as white peoples and people with privilege.

2. Reignition means waking everyone you know up to these recognitions. Igniting the fire that will fuel the change we must see in order to heal and move forward as a country. That's our job now as white peoples in this fight.

3. Reckoning means we can't heal as a country and species if we, white peoples, don't acknowledge the fact that the treatment of people of color in this country has been so grossly inappropriate and we should have done more to change it, rather than normalizing and ignoring it. The reckoning of our past actions as a country has come. We must face this topic with dignity and respect to the truth, while not getting defensive. It's ok to feel defensive, but I am challenging you because I know you can do this. Instead of leaping to a defensive stance, try a different route. Approach the topic with intellectual curiosity to help remove the need to take this all personally. It's not about you; it's way bigger than you.

4. Reconciliation means acknowledging our history as a country with kindness, empathy, and respect to those who have had to bear the brunt of the ills of capitalism and corporatism, unjust sentancing, wrongful accusations and convictions based on race, harassment and murder by law enforcement, these are all among many, many wrongs we have to right. We have to make the necessary changes to get this country to work for all humans.

I'm adding a 5th R: Responsibility. This is the responsibility of white humans to fix. If you politely ignored racism in the past (I'm guilty of that and am the first to admit it) then you and me and all of us, we are responsible for fixing this.

None of this is easy to admit or acknowledge but, as the last few years have taught me, nothing in this life is easy. And nothing is guaranteed. And those are some cold hard truths about being a human, but it doesn't mean we should throw our hands up and not try. Quite the opposite. It means we should try that much harder to get each other through this life. Go to the website and get involved.

I spent the following month visiting my family in Minneapolis, where I'm from. After the May Day march, it finally dawned on me that I have options. I can stay in my apartment all day, sad, angry that I have a pain disorder, bitter that my life has been altered forever, scared to get involved, angry at the world for being what it is, irrationally frustrated with my fellow white citizens who, like me, haven't done enough to change this fucked up system, OR, I can lead by example. For the record, I don't blame anyone one person here, and I am not angry at all white peoples, because this whole system is made this way by design. The only person I really blame for this is myself and that's more to keep myself in check. So I spent May trying to get back to who I was before my surgery, before the summer of 2015 when the thread of my life as I knew it was being pulled apart before me very eyes. I started by using childhood pictures to remind me of the parts of me I'd let go of over the years and it turns out I wasn't actually looking for myself from before the surgery because I never left, I just got lost in the pain and the feelings that go along with it (and there are a lot and they are complicated but that's ok, so is dang life!). What I was really doing while in MN was building upon what I already knew, sorting through a plethora of information I was just learning, and coming out on the other side of all of it with a better understanding of my purpose on this planet. While I was there, I talked to every person I saw about the injustices I've seen in Chicago. My family is huge and I have a lot of childhood friends, and each and every one of them listened to me. I talked about the difficulties I've faced becoming disabled in this country, and the impossible and depressing process of filing for disability (over a year later, my case will be heard by the end of next year). I discussed what it's like to go from an active creative business owner to laying in bed all day, feeling alone and terrified. I discussed the financial woes that come along with this situation, not to hint for help or get some pity energy from the person, I shared this info because I firmly believe that our society's focus on rugged individualism has been a lie to keep us split and has caused people to shut down. It's made people forget we are all the same. It's made us lose the idea of community. Its so easy to remain insular or to avoid someone else's problems, it's a lot more effort to try to understand, to get past assumptions so that the want to help beats out the voice that tells you "it's not my problem."

I am in with love New Orleans. I know that seems like a non sequitur but just hold on tight. While I was back home, I had this idea. New Orleans is a town of struggle. For all of its amazing culture, food, music, history, and humans, there is another side that is pretty intense. The corruption there is on par with Chicago, maybe worse. The weather is insane and the city is seemingly always on the brink of flooding. Also in Nola, for two weeks in the summer, there are swarms of termites that fly in the air and women will come home and find them in their bras. Gnarly. But man that city is magical. There is a tradition there that when someone dies, their soul is sent off with a Second Line March. A brass band plays songs like "When the Saints Go Marching In," and the like, while people march along and dance to celebrate the life of the deceased. It occurred to me while I was in MN that this is what Chicago needs right now. What began as an idea while I was at home became my entire summer mission. My job was to make this happen.

So, I approached the Chicago chapter of Black Lives Matter. I started with emailing them and reaching out to the contacts I had made so far. But it wasn't moving fast enough for me, so I approached them in person. They were having a Fathers Day event for the families who've lost their fathers to violence, and a march for Philando Castille. I showed up before it started and approached a few members. Keep in mind, they had no clue who I am, and I can be an intense human. I don't mean to be, it's just how I'm wired. Add to that my frangs, and imagine that comin' your way with a determination as intense to match. And they were all very kind to me. They told me that a few members had actually already discussed doing a second line, but they are so busy, it hadn't been made a priority. Ronald Johnson's mom, Dorothy, was also there. Ronald Johnson was killed in 2014 by police in the very park their event was taking place in, Washington Park (they are currently trying to get the park named changed to honor Ronald "Ronnieman" Johnson to Ronnieman Park). Imagine that for a minute, the stomach it would take to not only have to face the spot your son was killed, but to celebrate his life in the very same location. I was so taken aback at meeting her because I just didn't expect to. I wanted to hug her and tell her I'm sorry and that this system, this city, this whole world is so fucked up and that she lost her son as a result. I wanted to do something right then and there, but I just kept it simple and told her this march was for her. Looking back, I should have hugged her.

We spent the rest of this summer planning. BLM Chi is an amazing organization. The amount of planning and community outreach they do is unmatched. Follow them on Twitter, or just go to their website. They are filling a much needed void in their own community, a void sponsored by Mayor Rahm Emmanuel and the city of Chicago. One of my favorite things they do (among many) is they organize fundraisers for families with incarcerated mothers so that the families and children can have access to the transportation needed to visit their moms on Mother's Day. They protest, they march for those who've lost their lives in Chicago to police and gun violence, and they march for those victims in other cities as well. They put their bodies on the line in the streets. And with each and every one of these events, there is no violence. They are peaceful. This is a group of humans out to change the system. They are currently changing the bail bond system in Chicago through legal action. And if what they are doing works, then that could change the very racist, convoluted and antiquated bail bond system for the entire country, which will not only help poor people of color, but it will help poor people of all races, white included. They are doing the work that no one is doing, not just because they have to in order to survive Chicago, but because they are the kind of humans who see a glaring problem and say no more. They are leaders, they are pioneers, they are fighters. All with peace.

The march was originally slated to take place this coming weekend, but with the events in Charlottesville, the group is focused on some very pressing actions and that must be their focus right now, so we've postponed it until further notice. I thought if this march didn't happen, I'd be super disappointed, but I'm not at all. I'm excited for them to have the momentum they have right now so they can focus on making big strides in Chicago, and I'm so grateful to have even had the chance to work with this group of humans, and they took me seriously. It's hard to know what someone's intentions are, but they gave me the benefit of the doubt and let me come in, frangs a blazin', and taught me things I never would have learned anywhere else. I want the world to know the truth about BLM. I want people to see what I see. BLM should have as many white humans standing by their side as they can. I want them elevated and uplifted by anyone and everyone. I know we are headed there, but it doesn't mean I'll stop what I'm doing. I'll never stop because they will never stop. That's what BLM Chi has taught me: never stop fighting for what's right. Never.

This last March, I was walking home from the free pool in my neighborhood (did you know Chicago has free pools all over the city? If you're broke and disabled, even if you aren't either of those, get after it! The city actually maintains them very well) and saw a sign on a light pole that was the sign I had been looking for since the election. I knew I wanted to get involved with supporting Black Lives Matter somehow, but wasn't sure what to do. There is a systemic builtin disconnect in our country that both black and white peoples face here in America, and the disconnect keeps us divided. It makes it easy to stay out of fighting for social justice issues, and it left me feeling helpless for a while about where to begin (I now know I was never helpless). I picture it like two people, one black, one white, starting at the beginning of a maze (the American Experience), but one ends the maze beat up, bloody, exhausted, and the other has a Latte in hand and almost missed the start of the movie they were heading to. Can you tell which is which in my scenario? (for the record, I drink Lattes and see movies, I know people of color do as well, but I'm illustrating a point here). Because of this disconnect, I had no idea where or how to begin, but I knew I wanted to get involved, and this sign was a chance. It was a poster for a meeting planning a strike action for May Day. The groups associated were BLM Chicago, the Pilsen Alliance, the Socialist Alternative, and the Democratic Socialists of America, to name a few. What I didn't know going in was that this march happens every year. It is, in fact, an international day of strike actions so that the workers of this country and other countries, who so often have little chance to fight back against these mega corporations that pay workers starvation wages, can make their voices heard. I didn't know that going in, I just decided to show up, white and angry and loud, because that's how I had been feeling since the year before when I started to see some shit about this country that I couldn't and, honestly didn't, want to unsee.

So I go to the meeting. I had never done anything like it, and for a long time, I let my pain dictate my life. For better or worse, I stopped doing that this spring and a huge part of that was owed to this meeting. The meeting started with a panel of local activists from each group discussing why and how we need to fight back. I listened and I heard. I really heard everything. The meeting took place at a library in Pilsen, a Chicago neighborhood that is currently being gentrified pretty hard. They've lost 10,000 local families from the area in the last few years due to the sky rocketing of rental prices, and the alderman continues to sell off properties one after another to developers. I imagined what it would feel like to walk out of the library and instead of taking a bus to my hood (aka Rahm's hood), walking home to an apartment around the corner that I soon couldn't afford. I walk myself through these scenarios because that is how empathy works. If you don't use your empathy much, this is a great way to practice it, because it's like a muscle and needs to be used and worked out every day in order to stay in peak condition. It's a lot like playing pretend as a kid or doing improv. It's about allowing the scenario to play out without judgment in the moment, so that you can follow the trajectory of the situation as it would play out in real life for the other person you are imagining to be. Thats how the reality of the situation you are imagining can become clearer. Because unless you experience this stuff first hand, you most likely won't ever play a scenario like this out in your head, because scenarios like these are pretty tough to imagine, let alone live out every day.

After the panel discussion, we broke out in groups to brainstorm action ideas for the big march. The plan was to march from Pilsen to Union Park, and there we'd join up with at least 100 other groups for a big march downtown. The discussion took some turns at times, and it naturally flowed into people revealing some pretty big and very real fears they were dealing with about the realities they face in Chicago every day. I listened, I participated, I was welcomed without judgement. It was in that moment that I realized this is so much bigger than me or Chicago or this country I've called home my whole life. This wasn't about me getting involved, it never would be about me. This was about elevating a voice not my own, so that suffering and pain didn't dictate the reality of this country anymore, because that's how it currently operates. I left the meeting with some tasks to tackle and feeling empowered as fuck.

I spent the next month tabling and flyering with some of the people from the Socialist Alternative. They were all very kind people. They answered my questions, they listened to me talk about my own fears, they helped me wade into a pool that, from the outside, seemed to be littered with razors and knives and ropes and guns and hate and anger. I now know that this pool is in fact not just filled with these things, it's constructed from these things. It's how the pool was made. That's what participating in this strike action taught me: the problem isn't just a bunch of racist people, the problem is that the entire country is built on white supremecy, and people keep ignoring this fact. People have accepted these injustices as normal. It was not an easy realization to have as a white person who hasn't helped out in this type of way before, but again, it's not about me, it's about a much bigger picture. And I realized I was finally doing something, and that made everything a tad less terrifying to face.

The march itself was beautiful. After learning all that I had, I was then handed a gift of watching these activists in action. We marched 20 blocks up Ashland to Union Park. I watched the police push some very petite women around and I walked over to block them. I then watched the same police officer relax for a minute after that and not only back off, but he then watched as they carried out an paper machet pipeline monster with the heads of Rahm Emmanuel, Trump, Hillary Clinton, Benajim Netanyahu was slayed it to the theme of Star Wars, and I watched the police officer genuinely enjoy the show. We marched to Union Park and then I had to leave (I've realized that at these marches I've gone to, I'm feeling everything from everyone. I'm taking it in and I'm doing so with all of my being, so I can only do until I can), as the rest of the crowd marched onward to downtown in the thousands. It was pretty beautiful. This march taught me a big lesson, and these activists taught me an even bigger lesson. They welcomed me instantly to their cause, they showed me what organizing looks like in a realistic way, they showed me what a peaceful protest looks like, and they survive fighting every day because they keep each other going. During that march up Ashland, I watched humans scream their existence to a city that tears them down, yet it's a city they love, a city they call home. It was remarkable and empowering and, for me, completely life altering. And I haven't looked back since.

Born Mikaela Ruth Siegel on June 7th, 1983 in St. Louis Park, MN. I spent my whole life in SLP in the same house until I was 18, then I moved to Chicago for college. Growing up, I was raised Catholic (on my mom's side), but I always made sure to tell the priest in Sunday school that my Dad was Jewish (the Catholic Jew aka, Cashew Double Guilt Complex). I went full tilt with the Catholic thing. Baptism-First Communion-Confirmation. I even went to church the first few months I moved to Chicago in September of 2001. After a while, I decided that Catholicism didn't jive with me anymore. And rather than fake it, I left. After that I found improv (a religion unto itself) and sort of fell into the agnostic "ghosts are real" kind of place, floated there for a while (puntastic!). I started hitting full on atheist as I got older. The ghost thing still intrigued me (I love any good ghost story or movie always). Last year, I was in a pretty rough place. I spent a lot of time questioning the after life, and whether or not our soul goes on, or if it all just blinks out, or if we even have a soul at all. Death used to terrify me. Like, wake up in the night, can't breathe, heart pounding terrified (hint, that's a good time to seek out some mental health assistance), but after all this shit and having pain all the time, I just decided it's time to face the topic head on. I started watching videos on what scientists think happens when we die. I wanted a science based answer, even though science can't even prove without a doubt what happens to your consciousness when you die (which is one of the coolest friggin' things about being human - you can believe what ever you want about the afterlife, but it's only a belief. There is no definitive proof, and we all walk around with that in our minds somewhere all day... so trippy). Fast forward to today and what do I believe? I believe that energy doesn't die, only transfers but I don't know where it transfers to. I think that we are all connected by some type of human energy. And when there is suffering anywhere there will be suffering everywhere; we all feel the bad as well as the good. I believe that everyone is equal, should have free healthcare (because being a human inherently means you have a right to it, at no cost, because that's what humans should do: care for each other). I believe you get one fucking chance in life, so you should do what you want to do, not what you think you're supposed to do. I think you should do your best to be as open minded as possible. Do unto others, after all. So; now you know my evolution (Oh, and I'm still not sure about ghosts, but again, open minded). During all of this, I walked around with the moniker Siegel. It wasn't until I did comedy that I was called Jewish all the time by my peers. My hair is curly af and is the hair of my father, a 100% Jewish man. My nose is the nose of my grandmother I call Mina, and her mom, Goldie Pearlman, who married Joe Pearlman, who emigrated as Joe Zimmemberg, a Jew from Russia, and who changed his name when he got to America in the early 1900's. All this time, if you didn't know my spiritual evolution, you'd have no idea that, because my fathers side of the family wasn't practicing, I've never ever been to a sader, I've only been to one Bar Mitzvah, and I attended my first Jewish wedding this year. Oh, and we never did eight nights of Hanukkah. We did one Hanukkah present and it was usually my Christmas Eve outfit.

I have never been a afraid to be who I am, to look like what I look like in this country, until last Friday. Never. I've seen this stuff before; I don't know what shifted last Friday, but it's like something deep down in my DNA activated and I've been nursing a wound for the last week, but it's one I've had my whole life and I'm only now seeing how bad it really is. Last year, I was discrimated against by a doctor who attributed my chronic pain to my Jewish heritage, and told me I never learned how to process pain properly. I had a melt down after that for a few days. My pain was so bad and I sure as shit know how it feels; I am in this body, he is not. I live with this 24/7, he sees me for 30 mins every few months. He has no idea what the fuck my pain feels like, so how can he tell me I'm processing it wrong when my entire body feels on fire and I'm begging him for help? It was the start of a moment of truth I had failed to catch over the years. I never picked up on anti-semitism. I'm a generally jovial and goofy person, and I see the best in people as much as I can, and I think I was naive to it for a very long time.

There's a distinction I need to make. It's not meant to put anyone down for their beliefs because I am a firm believer in the right to practice or not practice a religion (as long as the religion does no harm and does not discriminate, and fuck Scientology). I think life is hard as hell to get through; some people use religion, some wine, some weed, hell sometimes all of the above, to get through the day. We all have shit inside we are afraid to talk about, and we are all just trying to make it home safe and sound at the end of each day. But there's a distinction: you don't choose what body you are born into. You don't. You don't choose your skin color, sexuality, heritage, these are all things you do not choose. You can choose to forget them or run from them, but they are you and will find you. Religion, faith, spirituality, those are beliefs. Those are a choice you make, and continue to make which why it is a belief or a faith: it's what you think is real, but it most likely is not what I think is real. And, gasp, that's actually totally OK. Both of our beliefs can exist side by side. Because the distinction is: you can change a belief. You can, you choose to believe something new, something different. You cannot change your skin color, who you love, or what your heritage is. So, if your religion or politics make you believe that someone is lesser than you because of how they were made, by no choice of their own, and you admonish them for just being themselves, then it's time to change that belief. It's time to believe that skin color doesn't determine someone's worth or social or economic status, or pecking order in some imaginary race war or some other fucked up ideas like that. It's time to believe that people are all just human beings, and that this is an OK fact. It means applying the parts of your beliefs that elevate your fellow humans, rather than tear them down, that you are letting go of oppressive beliefs that harm those whom you should elevate. It's about a greater good, and listening, empathizing and understanding. Its about a life that can be a lot kinder. The energy that connects us all would let go of the heaviness the hate brings to the body, and we'd all be a lot happier with ourselves and with each other. Healing would start. It would mean a more equal existence for all humans. And to me, it's a no brainer.

Today the last of the water protectors at Standing Rock are shutting down the camp and will most likely be arrested, and most assuredly will be injured in the process. The militarized police (some sent in from neighboring counties, embarrassingly included on that list is the county I was born and grew up in, Hennepin County, in my home state of Minnesota), have already abused the peaceful protestors using mace, water cannons, rubber bullets, attack dogs, and in many other "legal," fashions. This entire situation has been handled in an absurd manner by all people in power, but especially the law enforcement of North Dakota, and the counties of cowards who joined them. When humans use violence against other humans in the name of the law, they also do harm to the very existence of law and the existence of humanity.

If there was ever a lesson to take from this situation, it's that we are all connected by something bigger. What started as a protest by the indigenous people of the Standing Sioux tribe swelled into a movement against big banks, big oil, and for the sanctity of honoring long held treaties between our government and the indigenous people who's land we stole. This movement is growing. It can't be stopped. It won't be stopped.

I don't know what will happen from here, I never have and never will and neither do you. But what I do know is that in every action I take, the water protectors will take with me because they have forever changed my view of the world.

Humanity is tricky and it's messy and it's scary, but it can also be breathtaking and fearless and wise. The beginning of something big it here and happening, all we have to do to see it is to look at the world through each other's eyes.

Below are photos from the #NoDAPL protests in Chicago on November 15, 2016:

...are here. I am extremely excited about these lamps. They came about in a curious way.

I love to take walks throughout the city. Sometimes I pick a destination, other times just a general direction, and then I go to work cultivating my instincts. I hit the streets and wander, letting my path unfold before me. It is, in my opinion, something we should all do more as humans. It was on one of these walks last fall that I saw a milk glass lamp on a pile of trash in an alley. I walked away at first, but didn't make it very far before my gut started screaming at me to turn back and grab it. I figured this would be a fun project to get me through a year that didn't have a lot of opportunity for fun. A good project would give me something to do, I thought. Cut to today and I am launching a brand new line, a line that has, quite literally, brought brightness back to my every day.

The moral of this story is always listen to your gut. Always. Your gut knows you better than you do. Put your trust back where it belongs: in yourself.