Sunday, 22 February 2015

Ready for somewhere warm

Maybe it's got
something to do with the rain we're experiencing today but I'm
craving being somewhere warm. I love winter. I love bundling up in
layers and getting outside only to come back in to get comfortable in
front of the fire with a big mug of tea, gradually dozing off,
utterly and completely content with the world.

Not today.

Today I want to
have my most complicated decision be what bikini to wear under my
dress.

Today I want to be
stood on a beach, with salt having set my hair into waves, staring
out to the sea. Take me to any beach, literally any beach –
somewhere tropical, somewhere freezing cold in South Wales – and
I'll do the same thing. Stare out to sea.

I'm not sure what
I think about, perhaps I don't think. I'm able to just be. I struggle
to converse with people I'm with when there's all that water to look
at. It's almost as if I look hard enough I'll see across the water to
the next land mass.

I want to do that
today but a cold beach in South Wales won't do. I want the warmth of
the sun beating down on my back, I want to be wearing sunglasses and
factor 30.

How I wish I
was brave enough to travel alone. There are so many amazing examples
of women my age just going. They want to go and they do! Why can't I
be that brave? Maybe it's one of the issues of having an over active
mind (perhaps that's why I love being by the sea, my mind is finally
quiet). I worry about getting lost, getting mugged, getting...hurt if
I went away alone. Anxiety, you're a bitch. But also, standing
somewhere amazing and being able to turn to someone and just smile at
them because this is amazing! Look at that view! Sharing the
experience with someone is what it's about for me. Going home and
reminiscing about the experience is part of what makes travelling so
great.

I looked at prices
to fly to Bali this morning. It's cheap enough that I could just go
now. But I won't. Not alone.

I annoy myself
sometimes.

Instead I'll look
out of the window as the rain hits it and dream of warm beaches and
floating in the sea.