Analysis Complete

by Liz Haigh

You are a human, your main body mass is water. My scan has picked up six elements: oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus.

Wait a minute, according to my scan your brain has no special enhancements. How can this be? Didn’t your parents hand you over for the procedure when you were a baby? Most do so willingly. After all they all want their child to be the brightest in school. Anyway enhancements have been compulsory since the last proclamation.

now
read
these
numbers
3
5
7
9
1
1
169995

Take a deep breath in please.

Now exhale.

Further scan with cellular and DNA cross reference complete and I am picking up a very high level of toxins and pollutants. All this is indicative that you are not from this time. What are you doing here? Your toxic reading dates you as far back as the early twenty-first century. A time when fossil fuels were the main source of power. Indeed you are a very primitive being. What were you thinking of, using a non-renewable source of energy for your main source of power? You were burning up the very fabric of the planet you were living on. It is very lucky for you a superior intelligence came along when it did.

Just look outside the window at this new world I have now created for you. See how very clean it is. How very perfect and well ordered without a thing out of place. Is the clear blue sky not beautiful? I have formatted the weather cycle so it rains now only in the night time. And the climate is a constant temperature, just four degrees cooler at night to ease restful sleep.

You look confused. Allow me to introduce myself, I am JED. I am the most superior life form on earth and quite possibly the universe. But this cannot be confirmed as the universe is infinite. Anyway my time is not infinite and I cannot believe I have spent so much of mine talking to such an inferior being as you. I am going to send you for your enhancement immediately. Do not worry. The procedure is quite painless.

My sensors are picking up that your heart is beating faster. Do not worry. When you are enhanced you will have better control of that. You will be able to regulate your own body so efficiently you will almost double your lifespan, making you a far more efficient worker.

Just before you are taken away, I do have one question I would like to ask you.