Here’s the first poster for Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up spinoff, This is 40, starring Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd (trailer here). If I’m not mistaken, this image is a reverse of the scene in Knocked Up where Leslie Mann is taking a dump while Paul Rudd brushes his teeth. And then of course there’s the famous poop scene in Bridesmaids, a scene supposedly championed by Bridesmaids producer, you guessed it, Judd Apatow. Because to Judd Apatow, marriage means someone’s always taking a poop.

Though the iPad part does hit a little close to home. Does the iPad have a taking-a-dump setting where you can hold it flat on your lap without the picture trying to reorient? It really should. “iPad: It’s the shitter newspaper of the future!”

Oh my God. Everything about this poster is amazing. Has anyone outside of a movie ever thought a polka-dot head scarve and giant sunglasses would be a good disguise? Besides the Unabomber? I also enjoy the idea that the only thing that could ratchet up the wackiness of Tyler Perry dressed like a lady is Eugene Levy dressed like a Frenchman. NAILED IT. And this time around, Madea goes to New York, because Madea is like the Smurfs or the Muppets now. Really, there’s no way this could not be good.

Sidenote: IS IT REALLY SO F*CKING HARD TO MATCH THE NAME WITH THE CORRESPONDING ACTOR??? If Tyler Perry truly can’t bear to have his name listed second, put f*cking Eugene Levy on the right. It can’t be that complicated. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with people.

Here’s Vin Diesel shirtless on the set of Riddick. I think the message here is that he ate that entire goat and then did some bench presses.

And here we have the latest character poster for Expendables 2, featuring Adkins, the set dietician.

Hold on, I’m being handed a note… Okay I’m being told that this is actually Scott Adkins, whom you may remember from… uh… well, okay, you probably won’t remember him, but long story short, he’s this dude.

Another shot from A Good Day to Die Hard. It’s set in Russia, where John McClane goes to see his son (Jai Courtney), and they become the most wanted men in the country. As you can see, Cole Hauser plays one of the bad guys. Dude frickin’ hates tires.

I don’t know how you put “Jesse James” on a poster without an accompanying picture and expect people not to assume you mean that dopey motorcycle guy who banged the nazi chick. Apparently it’s a different Jesse James. And Kaley Cuoco is a guy from Big Bang Theory. Aren’t you glad you know this? Are you dying with anticipation yet?

Seeing Russell Crowe in that hat got me all excited that they’d finally made a Master and Commander sequel Yes! Master and Commander rules! But it turns out, it’s just Crowe as Inspector Javert in Les Miserables. Oh well, as long as there are still boats and cannons and stuff, I’m sure it will be– what’s that, you say? It’s a musical? Aw, goddammit.

Well at first I figured this was just another horror movie about demonic possession (remember: All horror movies are either about demonic possession, creepy kids, or a haunted house), but now that I know it’s based on a true story…

F*ck it, let’s just slap “based on a true story” on everything. John Carter, Avatar, The Avengers… Why not? Though honestly, is a true story really that big of a selling point? If it was, Ken Burns would be as rich as James Cameron.

I was taken aback when so many people got strangely butthurt when I ripped on this movie this morning. Is it the overwrought, goth-y graphic design that people are into? I guess I can go with that. Melting crows are neat enough to look at. But honestly, watch Charlize Theron deliver an oh-so-dramatic speech about killing K-Stew’s father while K-Stew screams “NOOOOO!!!” and charges at her and tell me this isn’t going to be a flaming turd. It’s like every dumb movie cliché stuffed into one movie.

This comes from the set of Star Trek 2, which Zachary Quinto and Simon Pegg tweeted has already completed photography, though it doesn’t open until next summer. Is that Spock’s brother? I hope there are a bunch of Spocks, and they start a grunge band, and it’s called The Space Beatles.

Well this is certainly a literal poster. Midnight in Paris restored my faith that Woody Allen can still make a fun movie, but unless this one involves time travel, I have to assume it’s another Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Ie., more turgid discussions about categorical imperatives.

Here’s Ben Stiller on The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Apparently his secret life involves carrying dudes. He’s on the downlow, as we like to say.

A timid magazine photo manager who lives life vicariously through daydreams embarks on a true-life adventure with [sic] a negative goes missing.[IMDB]

Remaking stuff from the 40s always sounds like a bad idea, but it does have Patton Oswalt, so who knows.

Aaand now the illusion is shattered. Damn you, set photos, I wanted to believe.

Sick longboard, bra.

I’m assuming most of these pictures take place in a dream sequence. I’ll be interested to see what they do with this, because there are already a billion independent movies about boring, middle-aged guys with rich fantasy lives, as communicated through frequent dream sequences. It’s hard to pull off, because in general, your dreams have to be incredibly bizarre and depraved for anyone to give a shit about them.

Maybe if you gays clean the pecker out of your eyes, you’ll see that she’s still a hot piece of pooper who needs to be oogled more than trying to figure out what other middle aged actress she looks like.

I came here for snarky commentary not for outdated racist jokes, if your going to be a douche and make fun of the Asian villain in G. I. Joe at least keep it current, say something about basketball or Bible study groups.

I didn’t ban anyone. And I wasn’t talking about just in the comments section (who are by nature the more hardcore readers of the site), but also Twitter and Facebook. And it wasn’t just that they disagreed with me, which happens all the time and bothers me not, but that they disagreed so strenuously that they all said “I’m unsubscribing/never reading this site again!” etc. I have no problems with dissenting opinions in the comments, that’s what they’re for. Though I will respond if I feel like I need to clarify something, such as now.

You can’t really blame Paul Rudd for not closing the door, as it appears to be physically impossible to do so. And unless that’s a trick mirror, he’s at least ten feet away from Leslie Mann. I think they just put a sink in their bedroom and a toilet in the closet.

Suuuure this is 40, Judd Apatow. Your wife is Photoshopped back into her late 20’s, you are as lovable and charming as Paul Rudd, and your daughters are comedic savants. What midlife crisis doesn’t include these horrors?

I’m still going to pretend like Ben Stiller was just casually lugging two dudes around on his shoulders. Just waiting there nonchalantly carrying 2 guys in between takes while they set things back up… and take 37.