Top 10 Things To Do When You’re Incredibly High

When you take a look at this list, you’ll definitely feel the urge to do them all if the ganja has taken effect within you. Whether you will be able to get up and do them depends on how strong your herb is and how much you’ve inhaled. This list will have something to satisfy all the aspects to being high, from the munchies to pleasing the five senses. Welcome to the first step of reaching euphoria.

#10: Listen to music
We all know any kind of music sounds better when you’re stoned, so of course this act deserves a spot on the list. What most people do not realize is that, when you’re stoned, you’re more musically adept! Oh, you already knew that? Well, then get off your ass and be more productive with your knowledge, you lazy stoner!

#9: Take a hot shower
This ranks higher than listening to music as one of the top things to do when you’re incredibly high because, flat-out, it just feels absolutely amazing. On a good day, I toke up in the bathroom right before hopping in the shower. As the hot, steamy water begins to drench my body, the high kicks in… and it’s pure ecstasy from there.

Maybe not one that's on fire...

#8: Play an instrument

So you recall me claiming that a person is more musically gifted when high. (If not… slow down your smoking game, fool. It was only an item ago.) Even if you have never played an instrument in your entire life, there’s no better time than now to try. The feeling of creating music first-hand, especially when you’re sky-high, is incomparable to any other.

#7: Watch Family Guy
The Griffin family is nothing short of a miracle that has graced American television. Sarcasm, irony, vulgarity… who wouldn’t enjoy it? Conservative pricks, that’s who! Seth MacFarlane’s genius is thoughtfully well-crafted into this show, which simultaneously criticizes modern society and proposes better lifestyles for our seemingly meager lives (Like advocating the legalization of pot!). Everything is better with a bag of weed, right? Watch some episodes here.

#6: Sleep on a Tempur-Pedic mattress
Do I even have to say any more to make you want to do this? Probably not. However, since these heavenly mattresses are listed at a price that would probably send you to Heaven (or Hell depending on your preferences of afterlife) if you saw it, completing this task requires some creativity (Good thing you’re stoned!). If you’re a stoner who just doesn’t give a f*ck, go into that section of the mall with all the mattresses and target that Tempur-Pedic one. Once that target is acquired, have a nice nap! Others who may not be as ballsy (or who have some self-humility) have to settle for other methods of getting that great sleep. I have one of those memory foam mattress toppers, and I must say, my cheap ass sure is grateful that there’s something almost as heavenly as a Tempur-Pedic mattress at an affordable price. Check them out at Overstock.com.

#5: Spend a whole day in nature
For you self-proclaimed “true” stoners who are thinking right now, “Screw nature!” hold it right there. Take a quick look at yourself in the mirror. Now, while still standing in front of the mirror looking intently into your own eyes, scream “I am the biggest effin hypocrite in the world!” Finished? Good. The very herb you are smoking was obviously provided by nature, Mother Earth, or whatever else you wish to call the force that has created all life on this planet. It seems only fair to pay your dues for this wonderful plant by enjoying a free-spirited adventure in nature and not contributing any more shit to the destruction of it.

#4: Receive a massage
Yeah, that’s right. A massage always feel good. What can make it feel better? Sure, hiring a trained masseuse to give you a massage would feel better than receiving one from any other person, but we all can’t enjoy that sort of luxury with our incomes. So smoke some reefer and ask a friend! It’s a proven fact that massages reduce stress levels within a person, and the addition of weed into the equation seems like a perfect combination to rid that stress entirely. Take a look at some more benefits of massages here.

#3: Have sex
If you are in fact a stoner, you should know by now that your sense of touch is greatly heightened when you, yourself, are heightened (high… get it? Yeah, that was lame). With this heightened sense of touch, what better way to test it out than to use those parts of your body that are most pleased by touch? DO remember to slip a condom on. Or if not, just don’t get the bitch pregnant. Humanity is already doomed with the number of people we got inhabiting this place and we don’t need more babies popping out of girls that aren’t ready to build a family. For the lonely fellas out there, you know what to do.

#2: Go to a concert
As mentioned before, listening to music while you’re high is definitely a must. LIVE music, on the other hand, is absolutely necessary when you’ve hit the pipe so many times you’ve lost count and eaten a couple of edibles to the point where you think you might be hallucinating. This ideology is somewhat reverse. No stoner would go (or would be capable of going) to a concert if they’ve just consumed that much marijuana as described in the previous sentence. You’ll actually have to plan going to a concert and then when you’re there, consume as much as your heart desires. “Security” checks worrying you? Hah! Please…

#1: Eat at a buffet
Finally, the most well-known effect of marijuana can be satisfied. The munchies are possibly my favorite part about Mary Jane. (Possibly? I made this number one on the list. Of course it’s my favorite.) Think of your favorite kind of food and research if there are any buffets that offer it. This final act is one I invite you to fully engorge yourself. Leave no prisoners. That food belongs to you. Take it… it’s YOURS!