Despite being dealt a hand of lupus, ankylosing spondylitis and psoriatic arthritis, I don’t see myself as a victim. Nor am I a winner or loser. I’m a warrior and survivor. I fight every day. I struggle and push myself to the very end of the fringe to accomplish things that most people don’t even think about. Despite how small these tasks might appear to be, I keep fighting because I know that the little things add up, especially when the opponent is arrogant and looking the other way.

Slowly, persistently and faithfully. Perseverance is one of my favorite weapons. It requires multitudes of patience. I’m hanging on to that last bit of tread on a King of the Hill Tire, a children’s game that foreshadows how we’ll live our lives as adults. My ass is one inch from the ground, and my turn is almost over. I’ll probably lose. I’ll be on the ground soon, but I’m gonna wear out that king. When he’s finished with me, the next person will topple that Noble and a new King will reign. This is my role. Sacrifice without surrender. It all matters, even when it makes no sense and seems so very unfair. We all have a role. Do you accept the challenge or do you run from it and deny it?

“Will you come with me to the mountains? It will hurt at first, until your feet are hardened. Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows. But will you come?”
~C.S. Lewis

My body is very good at becoming immune to medicines meant to help me. They work and then don’t. I fought for each of these ridiculously expensive medications, only to have them fail in the end. I begin my 4th biologic treatment tomorrow. I fought 6 months for this one. It’s my last hope, but this time the odds are incredibly in my favor. Damn, hope is difficult to balance! It’s a perceived final dance between warriors, but our perceptions aren’t necessarily the truth. Can you hear it? The theme song from The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. Which one will you be?

“Each day we are becoming a creature of splendid glory or one of unthinkable horror.”
~C.S. Lewis

Jeannette
Texas
Submitted 02/03/2017

The informational content of this article is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.

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4 comments

Your story hits very close to home for me. I too have lupus,. I too have AS. I have sjogren’s instead of PA but I am also on my fourth biologic. Must be something in this Texas water that makes us tough bc I’m not going down without a fight either. I was dx’d in 2010, by accident literally. I had no idea what a turning point that would be in my life. Keep up the good fight and if you ever need someone to chat with our cry with our just joke around with, I’ll be here. …
Until then,

Much love to you Nikki! Thank you for your kind, supportive words. Texas certainly has some strong women. Although I’m sorry to hear of your plight, it also makes me feel stronger knowing that there are others fighting and surviving for love of life.