Hollywood Inside & Out August 20, 2009

“People don’t say, ‘Oh, you were cute giving that Oscar speech.’ They are interested in marriage equality, and we start engaging in [political] conversation. It’s great, but all of a sudden it’s 1:30 am, you’ve had two more vodka-and-sodas, and you’ve spent your whole night talking to these cool lesbians about relationship rights. That’s why I don’t get laid.” – Dustin Lance Black claims to not have much of a sex life – unless he has his credit card handy.

“People don’t say, ‘Oh, you were cute giving that Oscar speech.’ They are interested in marriage equality, and we start engaging in [political] conversation. It’s great, but all of a sudden it’s 1:30 am, you’ve had two more vodka-and-sodas, and you’ve spent your whole night talking to these cool lesbians about relationship rights. That’s why I don’t get laid.” – Dustin Lance Black claims to not have much of a sex life – unless he has his credit card handy.

I’m going to say up front that I don’t believe the story I’m about to tell you, and that’s not based on any intimate knowledge or facts to the contrary. There are just certain things I believe and certain things I don’t. Ian Halperin has written a book called “Unmasked: The Final Years of Michael Jackson.” In it he claims that MJ had a number of gay lovers who he would tell (and I’m quoting Mr. Halperin, who is quoting someone who was quoting Michael Jackson): “The King of Pop is going to lick your lollipop.” Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous in your life? Well, I’ll make it more ridiculous. One of these alleged lovers, an “actor” named Lawrence, says, “He was very shy. But when he started to have sex, he was insatiable.” You can show me a videotape and I still wouldn’t believe that. No sirree. Another source tells Ian that Jackson fell madly in love with a construction worker. “Michael would leave the house in disguise, often dressed as a woman, and would go to meet his boyfriend at a motel that was one of Vegas’ grungiest dives.” Come on!

There’s been a shakeup regarding red carpet award coverage at the TV Guide Channel. Nope, Joan and Missy haven’t been asked back, but you can add Lisa Rinna and Joey Fatone to the ousted hosts category. The upcoming Emmy Awards will find a new duo doing duty – Chris Harrison and Carrie Ann Inaba. I predict this will be the most dramatic red carpet ceremony EVER!

The revolving door at “Desperate Housewives” continues – and this time it’s affecting the boys. Sexy Shawn Pyfrom has voluntarily dropped his status from series regular to recurring to free himself up for other projects. This makes sense, given we’ve barely seen him since his character was married off to that doctor/gay porn star. On the allegedly positive side, Jesse Metcalfe and his manssiere will be returning for a handful of episodes. Something tells me he’ll be spending his summer vacation doing a 30-day fast and mega cardio.

We finally have a reason to watch the new “Melrose Place.” Does the name Victor Webster ring a bell with you? He’s one of the most gorgeous men on the planet. You might have seen him on “Days of our Lives,” “Charmed,” “Mutant X,” “Sex and the City” or any other project that required a stunning guy with an amazing body who has no problem with nudity. The fact that he’s heading to “Melrose Place” would be good enough news. But what if I told you his character is gay? Caleb Brewer (Webster) appears in episode two and is described as being openly gay, smokes cigars, likes the Lakers, collects sports memorabilia, drinks Scotch and loves sex. A hot daddy sex whore? Sure sounds that way to moi! In doing our research, we found a tantalizing clip of Webster sporting an erection on “Mutant X”. Definitely worth checking out on BillyMasters.com.

Victor’s “Mutant X” co-star was the equally hot Forbes March. Forbes recently played gay in the film “Manhattanites” and he’s returning to those familiar stomping grounds on “As the World Turns”, where he’s taken on the role of a hot film teacher who gets between Noah and Luke. Gay whores day and night. Now THAT’S progress!

Our “Ask Billy” question comes from a million of you with one thing on your mind: “Is Paula really leaving ‘American Idol’?”

I doubt it. I believe FOX wouldn’t budge in their financial offer and Paula made a calculated risk – she walked away from the bargaining table. It’s now up to FOX and AI to decide if they want to reopen talks with a sweeter deal. It’s a risky negotiating technique, but it is not without precedent. A few years back, “The X Factor” (UK’s version of AI) dumped popular judge Louis Walsh. A few weeks into the auditions, Simon (who produces that show) realized there was a BIG problem. “I hate to admit this, but we need Louis back” and, just like that, the money issues resolved and Walsh returned – and has stayed. Since the AI auditions began last week in Denver, I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t over…not by a long shot.

By the way, don’t worry about Paula. Two days after announcing she wouldn’t be returning to “Idol” she was filming a second guest spot on Lifetime’s “Drop Dead Diva,” which has been a huge hit for the network. The next day, former “Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe invited Paula to the “So You Think You Can Dance” finale – and he’s been publicly toying with the idea of adding her to that show next year. Don’t touch that dial.

Billy Masters can take your questions at Billy@BillyMasters.com and promises to get back to you before we get proof of anyone licking either Michael’s lollipop! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.