I believe that instead of an alliance, we'll sign a non-agression pact with them. I'm not comfortable with people that make and break alliances so
easily. Thank the ninjaflea spies for their most excellent report, and for going deep undercover on behalf of the TKA.

Far be it from me to dictate foreign policy, but perhaps you should send an envoy to convey our *demands* err wishes to the pirates.

May I respectfully suggest Our Lady Tinkleflower? She is unknown to the Pirates, is well rested from her travels and will make an excellent
ambassador. I feel sure that the Pirates will trust her and not make trouble.

Duzey the Special Green Dragon Lady and I could follow at a distance on our most warlike elephants and act as both military advisors and
Tinkleflower’s bodyguards.

Should the pirates cause any problems, the sudden appearance of our war elephants blowing huge footballs towards them with their trunks, would sow
immediate confusion within the piratical ranks and we could extract Tinkleflower without let or hindrance.

Funny and true Bryan Adams story that is never heard outside of Vancouver:

In Vancouver, we have a very popular morning show radio team called 'Larry & Willy'. They are quite possibly the two most recognizable people in
the city and they pull the absolute best pranks.

Several years ago (over a decade), they dressed up like Christmas trees and knocked on Adams door. When he opened up, they started singing Christmas
carols for him. Mr. "I have no sense of humour and an ego bigger than all outdoors' Adams called the police and had them arrested for trespassing.

This was a really bad PR move for him because most of the people from around here like Larry & Willy better than Bryan.

..........

I think Thomas Crowne is right, cheesecake may be our only chance of saving the world. Too bad I don't like cheesecake.

We had Willie Moku here. Oh he could pull pranks off like you wouldn't belive. One year he had people lined up downtown waiting for a parade that
never existed, and was never going to ever exist. Truly classic. Sadly he passed away a couple of years ago after a long illness.

When I was in the RAF on Queen's Flight, we had a black guy called Ashley, who was our general duties guy. Nothing was beneath him, he told racist
jokes, worked all the hours God sent and could drink most people under the table. All this at the tender age of 18.

Ashley was a wonderful practicle joker. One day on an exercise, we got ever so slightly drunk......maybe a bit tipsy. I woke up in the morning, stark

naked, tied to a tree, with my underpants over my head. To make matters worse, my rifle was nowhere to be seen.

I missed First Parade and got 7 days jankers (cp) and swore vengence.

One day in the Mess Kitchen, we absolutely soaked Ashley with water, grabbed him, turned him upside down and stuffed him in a dustbin full of
flour.

When he spluttered his way out of the bin, he looked like a reverse 'Black and White Minstrel' player [an out of date BBC TV show in which white men
and women 'blacked up' to sing 'black' songs]

True to form, Ashley calmly went and had a shower and came back to work.

Several days later Paul, our very good mate, was walking to work when he tripped over a length of cord, tied at ground level and stretched between 2
trees.

He told me later that as he fell, he could hear something above him and looked up, just in time to see a couple of pounds of soot fall all over him.

Ashleys revenge!

I got my revenge in the town of Reading in Berkshire. There used to be a Top Rank disco type club where all used to go and get drunk.

One Saturday night after copious amounts of beer and Pernod, my friends Dave, Andy, John and I, hid outside the club and waited for Ashley to come
out.

When Paul and Ashley walked out, Dave, John, Andy and I stabbed him repeatedly with joke magicians knives. There was fake blood all over the place,
Ashley was lying on the pavement screaming thinking he'd been stabbed and we were just peeing ourselves with laughter.

God! Those were the days! Couldn't do that now, of course. PC brigade etc.

Duzey my Special Green Dragon Lady, I was upset because you can't upset me........................................unless you try to grab all the
glory as we charge the pirates with our blow-footballing elephants, of course.

Friend and Benevolent Leader......................have you seen the blow footballs? They appear to be missing.:shk:

Incidentially, where is our beloved Tinkleflower? Has she not reported for duty as our most Prestigious Ambassador?

Black and White Minstrel' player [an out of date BBC TV show in which white men and women 'blacked up' to sing 'black' songs]

I should say that this is a "an out of date" TV show. Can you imagine the uproar that would occur if this type of show was ever broadcast on
American TV? It would make the Muslim cartoon riots look like a tea party in comparison -- and that's just from "white America". What sort of
idiotic concept was that for a television show?

Anyway, that was just an aside, back to the important business of appointing an ambassador to the ninja, monkeys or whatever.....

Black and White Minstrel' player [an out of date BBC TV show in which white men and women 'blacked up' to sing 'black' songs]

I should say that this is a "an out of date" TV show. Can you imagine the uproar that would occur if this type of show was ever broadcast on
American TV? It would make the Muslim cartoon riots look like a tea party in comparison -- and that's just from "white America". What sort of
idiotic concept was that for a television show?

Anyway, that was just an aside, back to the important business of appointing an ambassador to the ninja, monkeys or whatever.....

If you are going to quote me, at least have the decency to quote the article in full instead of just using the inflammatory bits.

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