Daddy Issues are the Least of your Worries

It's 2014 and one of the most respected actors on television is Bryan Cranston. The man recently won a Golden Globe for his portrayal of depraved anti-hero Walter White, and for scaring the bejeezus out of us for five heart-pounding seasons of wonderful television. He is in a position right now where he can do almost anything he wants with his career. The man is a legend, and his acting skills will be forever enthroned in the pantheon of television greats.

It's 2001. Bryan Cranston is on Malcolm in the Middle. He is singing a song about eating bacon while dancing around in tightie-whities.

Most people, believing that comedic and dramatic actors are two entirely different breeds, can't make the connection between these two wildly different stages of Cranston's career. They call the period he's in right now the most successful time of his career, when in reality he was a star on a long-running sitcom for over six years. And not a bad sitcom, either; people LOVED Malcolm in the Middle, and it certainly wasn't because of Frankie Muniz.

This article's not about Cranston (mostly). It's about why this show isn't a bad place to get your start. I wish more of the actors on this show had the same career boom as Cranston, because they ALL have chops.

Break out the PBR, kids. We're heading to our favorite Tri-County area with the Malcolm in the Middle drinking game.

"I've Done Something Terrible!"

Happy Holidays, everyone! Christmas is here, and we here at For Your Inebriation couldn't be more excited. We love a good Christmas movie as much as the next guy. But you know what we love just as much?

Random senseless violence.

That's right, our Holiday drinking games are going to involve the baddest, bloodiest movies that have ever graced the winter season (without going into campy territory. Nobody wants to play a drinking game to "Jack Frost", right?). We begin with a game for our favorite "Christmas" movie: In Bruges. The story of two hitmen who get sent on holiday by their potty-mouthed boss after an assasination gone awry, to the most magical town in all of Belgium.

Never seen this movie? Experience the wonder and delight in Martin McDonagh's tight, beautiful story of guilt, friendship, and the beliefs people are willing to die for. All in fucking Bruges.

"I Feel Like Louise Bourgeois is Orgasming Somewhere."

Well, it's November. Halloween has come and gone, but the memories and the hangovers still remain. Maybe you stuffed your face with candy, or maybe you drowned your sorrows in liquor. Or maybe you didn't do a thing because Halloween was on a Thursday this year and dammit, you had work in the morning. What, does everyone expect you to forsake your good health for some cheap thrills and a costume contest or two? You're a busy guy.

Not to worry, friend, because that's what holiday weekends are for (or any weekend, really). And there are few better ways to celebrate Halloween than by watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. A beautiful labor of love, this stop-motion classic was beloved by many creepy children who grew up in the 90's. With its catchy songs, its breathtaking animation and its unique take on Halloween AND Christmas, it earns its title as a holiday staple.

Perhaps you don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe you've never seen this movie, but wondered what the fuss was about. If you haven't, it's about time you've begun.

A Movie for Masochists

I watched Burt Wonderstone for the first time last week. Afterwards, I felt more sad than I should have after watching a Steve Carell comedy. My heart sank into my shoes, because I felt as though I witnessed the death of several careers in the course of an hour and a half.

This is the fault of none of the actors involved in this movie. There's a lot of talent present here, seasoned veterans who have been making us laugh for decades. Many of the jokes land perfectly on their feet. The pacing is perfect, the cinematography is glitzy and colorful. This movie had every chance to succeed.

What kills this movie is the fact that it does not listen to the very message it is giving the audience. Burt Wonderstone is about artistic integrity, keeping your passions alive, and avoiding the easy way to popularity. And these themes are presented in the most formulaic, trite, soulless package released in theaters in years.

A damn shame is what this movie is. I know very few people who ever saw it. We unlucky few can never forget it.

It's a Drinking Game About Nothing

Oh, Seinfeld. We barely understood you when we were children. Now we understand you all too well.

A show many have labeled "ahead of its time", it was in many ways the anti-sitcom. Plot threads revolved around small, even non-existent slights. Conversations would often derail completely. Scenes lasted for sixty seconds at the most. And all four of the main characters were legitimately terrible people. It's a miracle it got picked up, and even more miraculous that it ran for nine seasons to critical and popular acclaim.

I found making a drinking game for this show difficult, which shouldn't have come as a shock considering how unpredictable each episode became, especially season to season. "Seinfeld" threatened to break my tried and true game-making methods. Once again, we watched five episodes, none of which resembled any of the others. And we gazed upon mid-nineties New York City with shock and awe, and as we drank the same question burned in all of our minds: