There are a lot of things I'd like to fix with these shots (the lines in the background, for instance) but I don't have adequate editing software for that.

But, what I liked about this shoot was it allowed me to shoot full body. I typically don't like to shoot full body because I can't tell how my pose is going to look. I really enjoyed playing with shapes here.

Another thing is that I feel we rely so much on concrete potraits-- we need to see a face, hands, a solid form. The face, the appearance, clothing, hair: these are all so expressive of character. Shooting a shadow, or an abstract form, character can be obscured, but emotion can be so much more vivid. Body language, posture, action, motion, and relation to environment all say so much.

To keep things short, I think this is a concept I will be exploring more frequently. Shadows and reflections (exhibited in a previous post). These just feel more candid and personal to me right now.

what? i don't know, i'm just jumbled right now. everything makes me feel like i'm not good enough or smart enough or strange enough. i'm considering getting a job as a golf caddy next summer because apparently there are big scholarships for it, but my dad told me i'm too short. so i looked for short scholarships, and i'm too tall for those. and i'm just like all the other girls out their with voices and cameras and notebooks and an insatiable desire for the stage. there are tons of us. its awful to realize you're not so unique and misunderstood as you feel.

i get my news from NPR; national public radio for those who have lost FM to their mp3s. my musical tastes too. sometimes i just lay there and listen for hours to full orchestras, operas, harp soloists, guitar trios, jazz. jazz is my favorite. and sometimes there are pieces that i absolutely hate-- the ones with a perpetual dissonance that makes me feel like there's something wrong with my insides. but that feeling is so strong and so searing that that music stays with me and becomes something i love. i love it because i know it and i know i'm in it and it's in me. mom says i'm crazy, but dad gets it.

damn, it's late again. i've been telling myself i'm going to get to bed early, wake up early, because i love the morning. i wish i could exhaust myself but the more i do, the more i can keep on doing. my energy feeds off of energy already expended. its terrible. because the inevitable crash is always something total. it buries me.

part of me feels like i'm on fire; part of me feels submerged. my imagery is half-assed now. i'm all about plot summary. i like run-on sentences.

i've been drafted into an army i don't want to fight for. i don't believe in its message or its purpose. i don't want to grind and grind away ceaselessly striving after a quiet existence. quiet will happen, and i will pause in those moments to gather all that serenity. but the time in between i want restless discovery, i want emotion that runs too deep. i am not looking for security, though i am looking for certainty. just a measure if it. just the smallest bit.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

forgive mebecause you have to bend more to kiss methan anyone elsebecause most of my words catch in my throatand the ones that don'tfly too high too fast for you to graspbecause i can't subscribe to your whimsand i can't always follow them with you-i've got people waiting on mebecause i listen more than you dobecause i am quietand content to be so

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Friday, July 2, 2010

"difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisionsfatigue and decreased energyfeelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessnessfeelings of hopelessness and/or pessimisminsomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleepingirritability, restlessnessloss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sexovereating or appetite losspersistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatmentpersistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelingsthoughts of suicide, suicide attempts"

"I feel certain now that the only cure is to live my life as restlessly as I can, but that requires a sort of bravery I have never known…"-- http://fireisles.tumblr.com/post/751306658/sometimes-i-feel-like-im-wasting-my-life-away

this is a tidbit from yet another one of her lovely writings. if anyone actually read this i suggest checking that url. she's really wonderful.