Mixing cultures

I am hoping that somene can help me and I apologize in advance for this being long. I was born and raised catholic and my dh was born and raised muslim. He came over to the States sometime between the ages of 8 and 10, and was living on his own by the age of 15. His entire family is extremely religious, but neither of us practice the religions we were raised in. When we visit his family the topic of religion always comes up. I don't have a problem with this and over the past few years I have learned a little about Islam, and their culture. I cover my hair and dress modestly(I always dress modestly though) when we go visit his family because I want to be respectful, and because they will comment on how I dress if I don't. DH and I have had a difficult time choosing a name because we are trying to find one that works in America but also one that his parents wont hate. We think we decided on Dean but when we told his aunties they didn't approve and said they would help us choose a name. I don't want to be rude but I don't know how to tell them that we want our little boy to have an American name. I am a little concerned since my dh and I agreed that we wouldn't raise our future children in either religion because we are not practicing. We both believe in God and try to live our lives to be the best we can, but we don't agree with religion. I am sure that his family will expect our boy to study Islam. I do want to learn more about Islam because I only have a basic knowledge of it. Is there websites to go to where I can learn more. I do plan on teaching our boy about different religions because I feel it is important for everyone to have an understanding of all religions and cultures. Does anyone have similiar experience with this kind of situation? We already got through the difficulties of getting married, his family was not thrilled about it(it was expected of him to marry someone from his own country they even tried to arrange a couple marriages), but they seem to be more accepting now. I am worried how they will react when we have our little boy I don't want them to treat him any differently than the rest of the children in the family. I hope someone can help me with any of my questions and thanks so much in advance.

Comments (18)

I say don't tell anyone what you're naming your baby. I just told my family that we had a list of a few names to choose from, and that we would pick one when we met the baby (this was true). It's easy for people to shoot down "potential" names, but when they meet the baby and it's a done deal, they're more likely to accept it. We did ask some friends for advice on names, and I used the "baby names" forum here because I'm no longer such a good judge on which names sound unusual in English since I'm used to these names now.

We've had some issues, too, with family not liking our names, but I quickly realized no one would be satsfied and I decided on a name and told them that this was 'the name' and after that everyone decided they liked the name..

My husband's parents do not even live in the US, never have even visited us, or met me and were trying to get involved with naming our child. I was very upset and it caused much friction between us. My parents never thought of interfering with naming our child because it is not their child or their place. I was strong in my stance that my son would have an American name even if that meant my husband divorced me. Luckily that was not an issue and we agreed on an American name with no fights or issues, but his family still tried to put an imput to him and he is in his forties and he lied to his parents about the name spelling to apease them and I can admit they did not do anything, but help break us apart. To me parents should love their children unconditionally, which means they should also love my child no matter what his name is. I am American and having to deal with that was very upsetting and foreign to me. Parents should not be making decisions for other adults like that. To me it shows a strong lack of respect. Marriage should be enjoyable, but if parents intefer it can create a lot of drama and problems for a married couple.I think if his parents upset you then maybe not visit much, but still be respectful and cordial.

I haven't met his parents either its his aunties that want to take part in the naming, and I am sure will want to have their say in raising him. His parents still live in Somalia and trust me I know what it's like for them to cause problems. DH's mom told him to choose between her and me....DH hasn't seen his parents in 20 years it was an easy decision for him and they realized after 4 months of him not talking to them that he had made up his mind. I know having kids will just add more difficulties with his family but we are planning on moving in less than a year which would result in us not seeing his family that lives here very often. We rarely see them as it is and even though they are nice to me I know they always have something to say. I'm fortunate that DH is so Americanized it is another thing his family is not happy about since they worry he is losing their culture. We do try and keep some cultural things and I am trying to learn their language.

Oh Somali...I'm still trying to learn. It's so hard, you can't find any books or anything on it and my husband hates speaking it. Insha' Allah, it takes Somali people a while to warm up to other cultures in my experience. I do think having kids will help the situation. My in-laws LOVE my son and it has helped our relationship. I hope the same for you!!!

I managed to find a dictionary but it is definitely not an easy language to learn. I struggle with learning languages as it is and tend to forget words I have learned. Thankfully most of his family speak English fluently so someone will fill me in when they start speaking to fast for me to keep up. I think you are right about having kids helps the situation because his entire family was so happy for us which included those who were not happy we got married. His family at least the older ones are nice enough to your face but are not as accepting of other cultures I think partially because they don't want to lose their culture. Although I did meet a great aunt who did not speak English and could not remember my name so she chose a Somali name for me...the rest of the family said they liked my name and didn't think I needed a Somali name. I suppose it depends also on how much they interact with other cultures.

I am a Muslim convert and gave our daughter a 100% English name with a wonderful meaning (light).
My FIL expected us to call her Maryam. Too bad! He has 4 kids and had 4 times the chance to name them :))

Just have the baby and announce the name after the birth. You will never be able to make EVERYBODY happy. If your dh loves it, great! Dean is a wonderful name!