I think I'm finally realizing that I have anxiety issues. I'm putting the pieces together and that's what they are telling me. I worry a lot, over think things, reject opportunities because I'm afraid of doing something wrong. I'm always worried about doing something wrong and being at fault or in some sort of trouble. Lots of times when I don't even think I'm anxious over anything I find myself in a physically tense position like my shoulders will be hunched up or my fists or jaw will be clenched. I'll worry about something so much that I'll get nauseous or lose my appetite or I won't be able to sleep well. My husband and family are always telling me to relax or calm down but to me it's not that easy. To me they are not thinking things through so I have to be the one to think of every possible outcome and weigh it. I have trouble making decisions and would always rather have someone tell me what to do so that I'm not responsible. I worry about even writing this because I'm thinking about what if my grammar or punctuation or spelling is bad or what if I'm rambling. I realize now that it's been going on for years and I never had a word for it all. My family was always anti mental issues. They never believed in things like anxiety or depression. It was always "suck it up" or "just don't be like that." So I always told myself to "get over it" or "what do I have to worry about, there are people out there with real problems." Maybe that's why it's taken me this long to realize it.

Sorry this was so long. It's the first time I've admitted it to anyone, even myself.

I am guessing that getting all of that out of your head probably gave you a little relief, right? It was very brave of you to share like that. I can related to some of what you wrote, and I can tell you that there are so many things you can do to feel better! (And being told to 'relax' is such an annoyance! My family used to do that, now they know better) Now that you have a name for what is troubling you, you can start to figure out what steps to take to conquer it!

indeed. good for you. now you can think about what to do about it, even if it is only to analyze what you do when you're anxious, and how you might be able to work around your anxiety, or deal with it head-on- at least to explore the possibilities.

I'm such a failure. I was supposed to have four essays done by now, but I'm barely half-way through the 10-12 pager, and I've only done the research and preliminary notes for two of the others. It's Sunday night, which means I must have wasted the rest of the weekend, even though it feels like I've been trying really hard (to no avail). I don't even want to think about any of this, but I only have five more days to get all of my assignments in, no exceptions.

I share two free blocks tomorrow with my Film Studies teacher, so I might just hole up in his room with my laptop and work on his paper, but that's only because he is supportive and offered me his space. What I direly need is time to sit with another teacher, who fortunately hasn't assigned an essay, so he can walk me through all of the work that I'm missing. The problem with that, though, is the fact that I truly do not understand the concepts I'm supposed to know in order to do this work. This means we would have to spend hours together, which he probably cannot afford because we don't share free blocks and he has offspring to drive home. He also hasn't offered, a detail that makes me feel so guilty for wanting to take up his time.

In short, AAAAAAAAGH!

_________________"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

I've spent the entire afternoon and evening alternating between studying physics and reading all sorts of questions that people have been asked in their vet school interviews. I feel like throwing up, because I feel that, while I would be able to answer most of those questions well, I am not exceptional and they probably want exceptional people.

And then I feel like I'm flying over the cuckoo's nest because I can't apply for 18 months yet, and I can't worry about this for 18 months.

_________________"I will rip out your IV and other roman numerals." - pandacookie"The one thing I would not do for Aubrey Plaza is harm a baby, by the way." - strawberryrock

I talked to my doctor today and he gave me a prescription for Zoloft and recommended a book. I was kind of surprised by how quickly he suggested medication but maybe that is what I need. Has anyone taken this and can they tell me how they felt? I'm kind of concerned about side effects, being able to drive, etc.

quick update on myself: i never returned to therapy. two sessions and i dont think its what i need at this time. i am still on lexapro and i am LOVING it. its like im me, but a whole lot better. i cant praise it highly enough.

anyone whos read anxiety books and has recommendations please post them. i have a friend who wont seek help, but is willing to try books and i want to set her on the right track. thanks!

I don't know how to handle my anxiety right now. It's getting really out of hand, but I don't really know what to do about it. I just get so socially awkward and uncomfortable because I'm SO anxious about things. What is happening to meeee.

_________________"I rebuke this thread in the name of Jesus." -Jagadeesh

My anxiety is currently higher than it's been in weeks. Two people I was friends with have suddenly become an awful lot closer and I've been left out, and now they've become very short with me and don't really keep in touch. Plus, I have a gig to perform at tonight and I'll be driving a hire car there and back after not having driven in two years.

OHAIGUISE. Guess what? Today (err, yesterday, considering my timezone) was one long, continuous panic attack. I almost started crying when I walked into my school's front door, like some sort of switch had been thrown. I was completely unproductive at school and really should have finished more of my work. Skipping my Film Studies screening of Star Wars was a bad idea because I didn't even do anything in those two hours after school. Also, I forking love Star Wars, so I should have just gone to cheer myself up. Anyway, I've been on and off freaking out, but Wednesday, I started on 200 mg of Wellbutrin instead of 150, so combined with the caffeine-heavy Excedrin I took for a potentially threatening aura before, I'm doing better than I expected this evening. (Read: still terrible) I can't sleep because I have 1.5 essays to do in the next 6 hours. I must really hate myself to self-punish/sabotage like this.

Can someone just send me the drug from Limitless? Wait, first invent it, then send it.

THREE DAYS OF CLASSES LEFT.

_________________"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

I've struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life. I feel for all of you and really appreciate everyone's openness and honesty.

recently I had one of my toughest times. I was having panic attacks for the first time in years and being very self-destructive, scaring both myself and my partner. after months of backing myself into corners and not really giving myself a choice or chance to feel better, I started having some revelations. maybe this can be attributed to growing up, but I started thinking about things that had happened to me in the past in new ways. as a teenager, I denied that some of the things that I experienced as a kid had any effect on me. as I get older, though, I keep making all these connections and this new thought process has shed a new light on stuff.

after years of seeing different doctors off and on, I stopped. I didn't feel that therapy was really doing or could do much. I was in a really depressive state- maybe a state during which I needed professional help the most- but I don't think that talking to someone can be very effective if you're going into it thinking that it won't be, just like anything else. minds are tricky that way, you know? I'm off my prescription medications and am taking herbal supplements for anxiety. sometimes I forget that this is actually a really big deal. while I have been having some mood swings, I am really maintaining quite well right now, all things considered. I don't recommend this for everyone, of course. this was a personal decision I made.

I've taken some really big, positive steps toward being a stronger person both physically and emotionally. I know I'm still going to have bad days, but it's more about finding ways to cope than getting rid of these feelings entirely. the experiences I've had throughout my life have shaped me, and the fact that I'm still around is truly a testament to my strength. I just have to remind myself of that more often. we all do.

I know I'm still going to have bad days, but it's more about finding ways to cope than getting rid of these feelings entirely. the experiences I've had throughout my life have shaped me, and the fact that I'm still around is truly a testament to my strength. I just have to remind myself of that more often. we all do.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

I don't know why I've been so anxious the past few days. I know I have anxiety issues, but I have coping skills and I have been fine for so long (save for a few moments here and there, but everyone has those.) There really isn't anything to be anxious about, but my actions are telling me that I am anxious. So frustrating.

Warning: rant ahead. I've been having trouble with this lately and I have no one to talk to IRL.

So, I've had anxiety issues for most of my life. Things kind of exploded two years ago (when I started graduate school) so I saw a psychiatrist for a year and began taking medication. Seeing a doctor really helped me, and after a year I was able to have a certain amount of control over my anxiety in certain situations.

The main sources of anxiety in my life have been school and relationships. About school, I'm way too serious and kind of a perfectionist and I started thinking that school was my life and that I was always failing and could never be good enough. With therapy though, I learned that none of these things were true and that if I had balance in my life (so I didn't think that school was the only thing) I would be happier, more relaxed, and I'd actually produce better work too. I have this under control now, and if my thought patterns start to lapse, I know what to do to bring them back to 'healthy'.

Relationships are another matter though. My last boyfriend (over a year ago) was the kind who likes to have a lot of time to himself (or so he told me, anyway). I felt like I always wanted to see him more than he wanted to see me. Of course, this made me anxious and I often discussed it with my psychiatrist. She assured me that people just have different comfort levels of how often they want to see their partners and how much alone time they needed. It was difficult, but I accepted this and began to feel comfortable in the relationship. I was always happy when we spent time together. Anyway, after 3 months (it took 2 months for me to feel comfortable), he broke up with me, and as his behaviour had always been the same, I didn't see it coming at all. I was pretty devastated and it took a while for me to get back on my feet again.

So I've tried to work on dealing with anxiety in relationships, but it's difficult when you're not in a relationship. So after a year of therapy, I moved to Japan for school and everything has been fine. I remember the things that my doctor taught me and I feel generally ok. But now I've just gotten into a relationship and I'm starting to struggle again.

As I mentioned in some other threads, my new boyfriend is Japanese. He's probably the sweetest person I've ever met, he's incredibly thoughtful and considerate. Unfortunately he is an anxious person too, and there is also a language barrier. A couple of weeks ago he got quite sick and I couldn't see him for a week. I started to freak out that he wasn't actually sick and was pretending as a means of not seeing me anymore (I should be more considerate of the fact that it takes work for him to communicate with me in English and when he's really sick he probably can't handle that amount of effort). Of course, I didn't tell my fears to him. When he got better and wanted to see me, I was terrified that he wanted to meet me to break up. Of course I was completely wrong and when we were together (without my mentioning anything) he said that he'd been afraid that I'd changed my feelings about him since he hadn't been able to see me for a week. So we were worrying about that same thing, haha.

That's just one example, but basically, I can't just relax and be happy. I feel like I'm not capable. Short of following me around saying 'I like you' repeatedly, I think that my mind can always come up with reasons to doubt his feelings. Part of me is really happy right now, but another part is constantly watching for bad signs (and there are always signs, no matter how unlikely or improbable), so I am always on my guard, never really happy. I'm just so scared that the same thing will happen as in my last relationship. And I know that he worries a lot that in the future I'll become bored with him because of the language barrier, and he's slightly worried that he will become bored of me as well, but always says "but I'm happy now. I like you". He says that he doesn't want me to leave him for a long time, so I'm not sure what he really thinks. He also worries a lot about 'bothering me' which I don't understand, but part of me worries that he actually feels like I am bothering HIM, but says it the other way around to be polite.

I feel like a bit of a mess, but I don't even know how to go about seeing a therapist here. I'm doing an internship (and will probably stay longer to work for a while) so I don't have an affiliated school or anything. I don't know what to do.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks if you managed to read all of it.

Just wanted to come in and say that I'm going to the doctor on Friday (general practitioner, I expect he will refer me to someone else) to finally attempt to find help for my anxiety. It's been getting really awful lately and now I'm having panic attacks at work and it's just affecting my life as a whole really negatively. Fingers crossed that all goes well, I'm really nervous.

_________________[...]then i pooped pink sparkles out of sheer hatred. -allularpunk

Just wanted to come in and say that I'm going to the doctor on Friday (general practitioner, I expect he will refer me to someone else) to finally attempt to find help for my anxiety. It's been getting really awful lately and now I'm having panic attacks at work and it's just affecting my life as a whole really negatively. Fingers crossed that all goes well, I'm really nervous.

Well done for taking that step - I know how hard it can be just to make that first appointment. Sending good thoughts your way.

_________________Everyone turns into Boo Radley, if they live long enough ~ seitanicversesThere are as many ways to live as there are humans in the world ~ SchwaGrrrl

My anxiety has been forking awful the last few months. I'm switching psychologists (my current one is moving away), but I'm kind of looking forward to getting a new one because my current is really not helping much.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

I have had anxiety attacks for over 10 years now (I am 30). For most of that time, I have been very against taking "drugs" to manage the anxiety. I found a tincture that helps me very well: Emotional Ally by Wish Garden http://www.wishgardenherbs.com/index.php?load=supplements&page=index&group_id=33. This works as well as xanax for me. I also try to incorporate smells into my response mechanisms. Carrying essential oils to sniff or making a spray for my room and to spray on a bandana to take with me when I travel have all been helpful ideas.

I have an herbal mental health zine that is really helpful that I wouldn't mind copying and mailing to you if you're into that kind of thing. It's been really helpful for me.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but I do think the best thing to do is to get some support and ideas to respond to the anxiety rather than letting it getcha.

I just looked up derealization and depersonalization after reading this thread, this happens to me all. the. time. I find it very scary. And I feel anxious after social gatherings too. Last week I cried for an hour after getting home because I thought everyone there was just pretending to laugh at my jokes and my husband thought I was going nuts.

I just looked up derealization and depersonalization after reading this thread, this happens to me all. the. time. I find it very scary. And I feel anxious after social gatherings too. Last week I cried for an hour after getting home because I thought everyone there was just pretending to laugh at my jokes and my husband thought I was going nuts.

Awww, Abel. I have very bad depersonalization and/or derealization when I get anxious, and it is THE worst feeling ever. When it's depersonalization, I feel like I don't know myself and I'm really scared because I don't feel like I "exist" at all. Derealization, I get this weird tunnel vision when I'm talking to people and I just feel totally removed from the reality that is happening around me. WORST. It's really helpful when you can realize that it's just the anxiety though, and it's not dangerous.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

Ugh, I took the zoloft and xanax last night and it just made me really nauseous. I'm kind of annoyed that since I took both, I don't know which one was making me sick, or if it was the combination of both. I had a hard time falling asleep because of it, and now I feel really out of it and kind of still half asleep. Is this a normal reaction?

_________________[...]then i pooped pink sparkles out of sheer hatred. -allularpunk