So far, Harlow's #watermelondress was on both Inside Edition and Kelly and Ryan Live. Mazzy was like, "Wait! What about MY watermelon dress???" She's right. The pink fringe cap sleeve is an excellent addition. Still think #babymeloning is the better hashtag!

Everybody is smiling and looking at camera! I just posted my latest travel vlog which follows our three day road trip in Central New York! It rained a lot but we still had tons of fun. Don't miss Harlow dancing like a robot and Mazzy talking "duck." I think this is my favorite travel video so far. YouTube link in bio!

She's getting her hair cut today. I was going to leave work and meet her and our sitter there but I'm too swamped. It's the first time she's getting a cut without me. Fingers crossed they don't chop it all off or give her faux hawk!

If you don't already know, "a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios with milk" has replaced Harlow's waffle obsession. She asks for it every single morning, in those words exactly. If I were to say, "Harlow, do you want a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios?" She would say, "Yes, WITH MILK." Also, ever since Harlow and I made that video about how to make cereal (link in bio- FYI, the longer YouTube version is even better than the one I put on Insta), Harlow has been really into making her own breakfast in the morning. Her and Mazzy have even taken our cereal orders at night and then pre-set the table with our names written on the napkins. Then they instruct us to stay in bed until everything is ready. It's actually some of the few times we've been able to sit down to breakfast all together as a family at the dining room table. Thanks @cheerios for helping make the mornings easier this summer! #generalmillscereal #sponsored

The Playground Conspiracy Theory

I don't know what's happening in the rest of the world, but in New York, the playgrounds have all gotten an upgrade in the past year (or so) which makes them far more advanced than the playgrounds I remember as a kid. This means a few things.

The first being that I would like to play on them.

I know I'm supposed to be an adult and sit quietly on a bench while monitoring my child in the sandbox. I also know that when I follow Mazzy up a playground apparatus and she exits using the (very-fun-looking) spiral slide, I am supposed to turn around and use the stairs back whence I came.

But when I see something like the DOME in Union Square Park (pictured above), it takes all the willpower I can muster not to drop the diaper bag, ditch Mazzy in an infant swing and climb the thing myself.

The other observation I've made about the new-fangled playgrounds and their unidentifiable playing structures is that the lure of the equipment coincides with the degree of danger.

For instance, I made the mistake of standing on an irresistible looking contraption in the newly designed playground in Southampton. The thing started spinning so quickly that I'm not sure if my head exploded before or after I was flung to the ground. (I found a video of the "Death Spiral" here.)

Also, the Union Square DOME was closed briefly last year when they found it has the ability to melt your childrens' hands and asses under the scorching hot sun. (It now has a permanent awning over it.)

Add all these factors together (more fun + more dangerous + less supervision due to parents abandoning their children in order to climb the totally-awesome-looking jungle gym rock wall) and I think someone might have it in for our kids.

Think about this— everything child-related has been massively massively researched. Why do you think your kids react to the absence of Elmo like you took away their crackpipe?

Perhaps, I'm watching a bit too much FRINGE but I think there may be an underground ring of child-hating playground developers trying to wipe the earth clean of anyone under twelve. Don't believe me?

OMG that thing in the video!!! It will toddlers clear from Manhattan to Brooklyn!
Everything looks dangerous in a playground to me now, since the Monkey is basically a squirt, half my height. I don’t want to be a helicopter mom!

I am with you on the conspiracy theory, or perhaps it is the folks who build playgrounds don’t have children. It never ceases to amaze me how hot the equipment gets. I live in the south and we have a great park nearby, but children will need to wear oven mitts to play on it in the summer. They actually clear-cut the area for the playground – removing huge trees that provided wonderful shade. Idiots.

Oh my goodness, these must be the same equipment the government uses to torture supposed “terrorists” to confessing stuff they didn’t do. Not meant for children at all (unless you’re a child “terrorist”).

Playground equipment does not need to be any more dangerous than it already is. Every single scar I have on my body (and the one broken bone I ever had) was caused by a different piece of playground equipment.
What the hell with that last thing? Who thought of that?!

when my oldest was six or just turned seven, we went to a death-playground! I started helicopter parenting, then backed off … my husband took his supervisory turn while I was with the baby, and I told him to quit hovering. She then went on what can only be described as a mini zipline, and when it stopped halfway through started to swing her legs for momentum. Midswing her hands slipped … my nonhovering husband was too far to catch her … and ’til the day I die, I will never forget her piercing scream when she hit the ground. Nor will I forget the guilt I felt for not having her better supervised. It is one thing to let them play on normal swings and slides unattended, quite another to have them on equptment you almost need a license to operate! (p.s. we were lucky – by Grace no broken bones but severely bruised tailbone!)

Anna is more likely going to be injured by my own negligence and her innate gracelessness than any evil playground equipment. But how did no one realize that dome would fry flank steaks in the hot sun? I have the same impulses as you when Anna goes to gymnastics – if they put foam pits and trampolines in the Boston Sports Clubs, I bet their membership would quintuple.

All the jungle gyms have these big open gaps in the railing in case a kid would like to throw themselves off. It takes two people to watch Mazzy on those things. One right on top of her on the piece of equipment and one on the ground.

I have a scar on my chin from someone pushing me headfirst down a slide in nursery school. I remember, it all happened so fast that I couldn’t get my arms in front of my face to stop me from face planting on the cement at the end.
At least they make the new playgrounds with that soft foam material on the ground.

That’s horrible, I’m sorry. But I’m sure it happens to every parent at some point.
My hovering has equal parts to do with the fear of Mazzy getting hurt and the fear that she will be taken by some kind of child predator. It is NYC after all.

I think they also had to close the DOME in the winter because they realized a thin sheet of ice made it both more fun AND more prone to send your child to the hospital.
One day we’ll get together, lock our kids in the car, and jump on a trampoline until our hearts’ content.

You, my friend, are the becoming the master of tying my posts together. (I love you for it.)
Also, the parents who let their kids run around barefoot in the Tompkins Square park baffle me. I don’t want to be judgmental but how is that different than being barefoot on a city street?
I am the least germaphobic person on earth so I can’t be alone in this.

You want a conspiracy? Whatever happened to see saws? I haven’t seen a proper one in years – you know, the kind that allows siblings to get a taste of power tripping by sitting on the bottom, leaving their partner dangling precariously in the air, only to get up suddenly and send them crashing to the ground. Such fun.
These new-fangled playgrounds are popping up everywhere – I’ve seen them in Sydney and L.A. too.

I’m not even joking when I tell you that the death spiral video might be from Serbia. I went there with my family to see in-laws last year and the parks had WOODEN slides! Like, splintery! I suspect it won’t end until we see a teatherball pole made with a cannonball…

Um, okay I totally would be super all over my kid in this setting, not going to lie. But I would have to own up to wanting to go play on these things myself. It should be like the pool! You know- Adult swim! Awesome.
The death spiral looks fun! I’d probably be hurled to the ground too! And that last thing? The yardage that kid got? Shouldn’t they have thought about that and made the sand or whatever go a few feet further? Because it kinda looks like he hit pavement to me. Remember the merry-go-rounds? An older kid would spin you around until you cried or were flung off. I miss that. And I only broke my arm on one of those once. Totally safe.

I personally love the concept of Union Square having that giant dome i affectionately refer to as Mt. WristBreaker. I think too many playgrounds are too sanitized and traditional. Then again, maybe that’s why I have a debit account at Tisch Hospital. However, even I draw the line at the Scarlet Arm Dislocator.

The feeling of the ground reverberating up from your ass through your whole body when someone gives you the shaft on the see-saw is a childhood rite of passage. So sad that kids these days will miss out.

You have no idea of the Elmo-induced tantrums I have witnessed. It is a terrifying obsession that only results in more and more Elmo. Mazzy no longer content to just watch Elmo on TV, she must also watch him on the iPad at the same time.
BABY CRACK I tell you.

YES!!!! I was wanted to articulate the adult swim idea in my post but couldn’t find the right words.
The death spiral goes much faster than it looks in that video. Of course, the speed might have something to do with me being much larger than the intended user. Center of gravity and all that.
Those merry-go-rounds were awesome. Running as fast as you could spinning the thing and then jumping on. Weren’t those outlawed too?

My husband and I always talk about this, you never see see-saws anywhere anymore. Nor do you see those merry go rounds where the kids stand and hang onto the rails for dear life while other (usually bigger) kids try to spin them around so fast they fall off. We had both of those in my elementary school playground with pavement underneath! Of course I am dating myself with that comment.
However that video of the worst playground equipment every comes pretty close to the merry go rounds of my youth.

I don’t understand how you can be an industrial engineer with a college degree and design a shiny metal dome in a no-shade playground and not realize the surface will rise to 1,000-degrees in the summer. You’re right. It must be a conspiracy! No one is that stupid.

I’m in NJ and I’ve found the opposite to be true- everything is made of foam and shit. All the fun, dangerous stuff from my youth is gone- remember those giant metal merry-go-rounds? Those were the shit… I actually didn’t bother to resist the urge to play on one when I was visiting Peru and found one at the zoo. I made my husband push it and everything. Also, everything I see now is made of plastic. What fun is it if you don’t have to worry about getting a splinter? And what ever happened to tire swings? Playgrounds today are breeding our children to be pussies. Apparently I need to cross the river and play on your side!

Hahaha! I can’t wait until my fiance gets home so I can show him that video. That was hilarious. They could at least stretch the sand out further so there’s less risk of skinned knees.
Also, “I am supposed to turn around and use the stairs back whence I came.” Oops. My bad. I’ve been going down the slide for the last two years haha.

Seriously? Someone placed a shiny aluminum orb outdoors on a playground directly under the hot sun and DIDN’T muse to themselves, “You know, this might get hot and burn children. Perhaps we should re-think this idea and/or add some sort of cooling apparatus to it.” What a bunch of assclowns.
And I’m with you – I totally want to play on the playground too. In fact, I don’t turn around and go back down the stairs from whence I came after Lil’ Bit goes down the slide – I follow her! Yeah. I’m that mom.

I live right down the block from this monstrosity and can say that although i have no children of my own, my mough is agape every time i walk past, imagining my own children running around all over this evil death trap of a playground. The whole time i’m watching i’m number 1 looking for Little Vic, and number 2 waiting for another onlooker to agree with me on how scary the whole NY “playground” situation really is. But that’s just me 🙂

There is a written rule in the Official Blogger Handbook that says you must close out the year with your ten most popular posts. I can't find the handbook at the moment to show you, but I assure you, it exists and this rule is etched in stone.

There’s a new sculpture in Astor Place that broke my heart. It is called The Last Three. It’s 17 feet tall and represents the last three northern white rhinos on earth. Their names are Sudan, Nijan, and Fatu. Sudan is the last male. He is 45, which is the life expectancy for a rhino. His daughter is Nijan and his granddaughter is Fatu. Rhino horns are worth a ton of money so they are in constant threat of poachers. This public piece of art was created by artists Gillie and Marc with the hope of educating and inspiring others to care about the plight of the rhinos. It worked on me. Their aim is to collect 1 million goodbye messages on www.goodbyerhinos.org and put them towards a petition for approaching governments about eliminating the demand for rhino horns. Please like, comment and tag your friends to get this seen by as many people as possible and feel free to regram and share! 😥 #goodbyerhinos

New York is still freezing so instead of doing our usual ski trip in March, we decided to switch things up and go somewhere much warmer. Not sure when I’ll post on my feed, but you can follow along on my Instagram stories...🌴☀️🥝👙🦎⛱⛵️✈️🍹🤸‍♂️😎 #comingsoon

Sometimes I look at my Instagram account and think— man, this feed really needs some adults. Who is running this thing??? And because I know everyone is going to ask where @littlemissparty got her dress, I already asked. It’s vintage. She bought it when she was 19. Sucks for the rest of us! I got my shirt at Aritzia. Thanks for asking 🤣 Have you guys watched our Instagram lives together? I like doing it so much better with a friend! We are on a two week break because our schedules are all crazy but will do it again after that. What would you guys want us to talk about? Any questions for two NYC working moms???

Harlow has a very important message for everyone. Brought to you by Super Why, I think. Also, this impromptu performance was 100% because Harlow noticed me upping my intake of fruits and vegetables this week. 🍎🍌🥕💪🏻 #harlowunplugged #eathealthy

For those of you asking about my Detox, I’m on Day Four. It ends tomorrow. Thank god because I can’t even look at beets anymore. Biggest lesson is the same thing I learned and forgot last year when I did this. GREEN JUICE MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE ALIVE THAN COFFEE. Yes, I said that in all caps like a crazy person. Doing a detox does make you feel somewhat like a crazy person. I know detoxes aren’t for everyone but if you are interested, follow my friend @zengirlfitness for more details. She’s been leading a bunch of us through this all week 🥦💚🍵🍏🍋🍉🍐