Monday, December 27, 2010

By now you've probably heard the exciting news that Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millipeid, the Black Swan pair who've been our "crush of the moment" for too many moments now (see sidebar), are pregnant and engaged.

a photoshopped imagining of their wedding cake
top from The Film Experience.

There's no exact word on when either of the blessed events (baby & wedding) are to occur though hundreds of thousands of years of human history tell us that the genetically lucky baby, certain to possess both dark haired beauty and physical grace, is coming in 2011.

We immediately tweeted advocating for a swan-themed wedding. Which is an obvious joke but come on. Swan has to be a common theme for weddings anyway and the possibilities are endless. Here are some other great suggestions from friends @jigsawlounge, @joereid and @moviedork18 on twitter.

I told Joe Reid that Timothy Hutton (Beautiful Girls) has to share that duty with Jean Reno (The Professional) if we're going there. But we shouldn't go there. That said, it does cause the mind to wander into Natalie's large filmography for wedding ideas. I still haven't figured out a way to work Clive Owen (Closer) in. Moviedork's comment made me giggle because it reminded me that Black Swan isn't the first time Natalie has had doubles. Remember those Queen Amidala decoys in the Star Wars prequels?!

Aronofsky should go Rosemary's Baby all the way and chronicle her transformation from lithe/petite to emaciated. Of course, this should all be done via a cinema-verite style relying on hand-held grainy close-ups. Barbara Hershey should of course play a Minnie Castevete-ish next-door neighbor.

After slamming bridesmaid Mila Kunis into a mirror -- because how dare she wear a better dress! -- Natalie will sashay down the aisle to a serious & moody re-interpretation of Wagner's Bridal Chorus in D as arranged by Clint Mansell. Keira Knightley is her maid-of-honor/paparazzi decoy. Jean Reno is her bodyguard. Gary Oldman, ever the Method actor, will send an urn of ashes with his name on it to be seated next to a tearful Barbara Hershey.

Just to make this conversation Oscar-related: I can't help but think this will help the film's campaign. While the film and Natalie's performance may not appeal to the Academy's more middlebrow voters, a behind-the-scenes story like this reeks of cuteness and love. Plus, doesn't think kind of harken back to the studio days when actors were forced to marry? That's all I think about when costars get hitched.

the Black eye made me grin, but the scar on her back made me actually laugh out loud!!! You so funny.

Finally saw both the Black Swan and Social Network, both really great film. I really enjoyed them both. But if up for best film, Social Network will win. It's a somehow less disturbing portrait of the exact same relentless ambition. That makes Justin Timberlake the black swan of the picture.

I will say that Black Swan leaves a longer lasting brain print though.