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FUNNY UPDTES FOR SOCIAL NETWORKS...TWITTER AND FACEBOOK

If you are looking for funny, witty, or sweet status updates about love, dating and relationships, this is it...

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.– Albert Einstein

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty.

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.

Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say!

You can’t buy love on eBay.

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.

CHILDREN UPDATES CATEGORY..

If you are looking for funny, witty, or clever facebook status message updates regarding children, you have come to the right place. Below are some of the most hilarious sayings of all time on the subject!

Explaining the Mad Hatter’s “unbirthday” to your child is a decision you will regret 364 days a year.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years
telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids
do you want?

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents,
despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.

“There is only one pretty child in the world… and every
mother has it.” -A Chinese Proverb.

Children will soon forget your presents. They will always
remember your presence.

The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids.

“Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?”

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of
the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.

A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after
you’ve purchased new school clothes.

Anyone who says “Easy as taking candy from a baby”
has never tried it.

The best inheritance parents can give their children is
a few minutes of their time each day.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.