We’ll forgive you for missing the Friday night ding-dong between SC Eltersdorf and Viktoria Aschaffenburg in the second division of the Bavarian Oberliga (Germany’s regional fifth tier), which ended in the two sides hammering out a lively old 4-4 draw.

However, roughly one eighth of the goals were of the “atrocious own-goal” variety, with Aschaffenburg’s Zamir Daudi somehow conspiring to waft the ball pathetically over his own goal-line despite having two zero-pressure attempts to hack the damn thing clear…

Sorry Zamir, but maybe it’s time to consider a different vocation? Football’s obviously not “your thing”.