16.2.13

I was not around when he came beautifully into our lives. but i'm sure Kak Ita had underwent the most exhilarating experience of her life when she gave birth to Umar. When i received the text from Abe that evening, in the middle of Harry Fear's talk, telling that Kak Ita was now in the hospital; all i could do was pray that Allah will keep both Kak Ita and baby Umar safe till the very end. Alhamdulillah, Allah did just that. :')

when Abe texted our family's whatsapp group, i was the only one who read it since it was in the middle of the night back in Malaysia, and it was 7 p.m for me. reading it, i knew for a fact how scared and excited he was. listening to him all those time since Summer and the Winter holidays, i knew how much both Abe and Kak Ita were so excited with baby-bump-Umar in their lives. Abe and Kak Ita had their own cute way of expressing it. Baby Umar would kick Kak Ita's tummy so much when he was in there, and Abe would put a box on the tummy, just to see it fall off when Umar kick it from inside. Adorable. Very adorable. :)

And today Alhamdulillah,

Umar is out to greet his parents with Allah's Will.

i can only imagine the huge eyes and the very slow movements babies make.

it's adorable in every angle that you just ended up staring at them in the creepiest way.

heheh. and i talk from experience okay.

and as much as i wish i'm there just like i was there duringAiraa's first few days, *click*

3.2.13

i dreaded the things that would happened this week. knowing i have to face all those scary things. i was emotionally and mentally challenged. it had been agonizing waiting for the days to come. but i remembered thinking back then, no matter how i dreaded those moments, they will all come to pass eventually. it's always Allah's Plans. to put us in place. to feel those moments. to make us realize that;

chosen by Him to be in Medicine, i find that the years gone by has taught me just this. that we all make the same mistakes that we make in our UPSR years. in our PMR years. in our SPM years. in our IB years.

thinking, that we have aced those crazy exams, because of our hard work. we aced those clinical exams, because we practiced like hell on everyone. Allah blessed us with all those grades, accordingly to what we did. "sebab Allah kan Maha Adil." :)

but i think we are still wrong. for all those effort we make, i have no doubt that Allah will award us accordingly (and even more so, since Allah adalah Maha Pemurah). but most of the time, Allah repay those efforts with things that we often take for granted; being able to eat that day, or nikmat sihat, or that we didn't fall off our bike, or that we were able to talk to our loved ones etc. and though we would definitely hope to have exactly what we worked hard for, Allah will always give us what we need first. and what we need, albeit not the things that we want; is often the things that last longer in life.

it's often hard to appreciate that He is giving what we need, when we were denied of what we want. and thus a constant reminder is always needed: that He always, always Knows Better, and we know not.

a reminder to myself, as always. :)

**********

Tua

I was flipping through the patient's clinical notes on my own; hunched down reading those ugly hand-writings, in the middle of the very crowded nurse station; with interns on the phone, SHOs vigorously clicking on the mouse looking for her patient's CT, a Registrar discussing some plans with two more interns. and nurses scattered everywhere doing almost everything. and i continued to disregard the whole scene behind my back, reading the notes in front of me;

....A 90 year old lady admitted to the A&E with.......

...from NH (nursing home)...

....NOK (Next of kin) is her son....

flipped some more pages.

..has lived in the nursing home for 24 years...(wait, what? 24 years??)

...husband died 24 years ago....

i stopped. it's pretty obvious isn't it? so she's this old lady who has lived in a nursing home for 24 years, right after the husband died. where did the son go? wallahua'lam.

civilized nation.

developed country.

but a culture who does not take responsibilities for their own parents.
it's just, sad.

******

Grandma

i was in the opthalmology clinic. when this very tiny frail grandmother came alone. walking ever so slowly, looking very scared and confused. she was so vulnerable i feel like i want to hug her so much. her concerns broke my heart, knowing how fragile she is. she was so scared that her vision is blurry (they were dilated for the exams), she was scared of the big machine in front of her (the slit-lamp), she was even scared upon being told that she had 'freckles in her eyes'.

i find myself desperately praying that Allah opens her heart (i find it's always the most desperate thing to do here, seeing them facing so many hardships so strongly, yet without any belief in a higher power.)