If you’ve never heard what someone sounds like after they’ve done enough coke to blow up the sun, you will now because Charlie Sheen was on the Alex Jones Show today, and he spent 18 exhausting minutes calling the creator and producer of Two And A Half Men a loser and a clown and “Hymie Levine”, calling Thomas Jefferson a pussy, claiming he cured his drug addiction with his mind, that he has an army of assassins ready to defend him, and that he himself is a warlock assassin.

For the record he’s also an F-18, and a bayonet, and there’s some stuff in there about trolls, cults, and Vatican assassins dispatched by the Pope. He also claims he’s clean now. Which for him must mean, “of things other than coke.”