Wednesday, May 30, 2007

So all my math about percents - useless. All my hope that Bear smashing the scale against the tile bathroom floor had somehow mangled it's little electronic scale brain - dashed. This morning I put two fifteen pound weights on the scale and know what it said? 30.5 So the scale is 1/2 pound off. I feel like a whale and would probably go to bed tonight beating myself up about adding those peanut butter chips to my fat free frozen yogurt yesterday EXCEPT...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

*But my scale is broken - really. I put 14 pounds of hand weights on it and it said 14.5. That's only 1/2 pound I know, but it's 3% of the weight - 3% of 166 is 6 pounds. That would make me 160 - down 3.5 pounds instead of up 2.5. I'm going to calabrate the scale tonight & reassess tomorrow. So on to knitting...

One of my new favorite web sites is knitty.com - how did I not know this existed before now?!? The mysterious "Bear's sweater" - the one that is 8 sizes too big - is going to be my first entry to knitty, if I can get it finished in time and then knit it up in a smaller size in yarn that is not @#$%! discontinued. Perhaps some superwash or Andean Silk from knitpicks.

I have also started chasing my daughter around with my camera and dressing her exclusively in the "Hey Mickey" skirt I made her in hopes of submitting a photo to the calendar contest. She's 18 months old and yesterday she actually swatted at the camera and said "Mama, no!" Maybe she can wear something else today. The skirt probably needs to be washed anyway.

Since the rules say the photo may have been previously published on your blog here are a few of my favorites. Any opinions?

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Tonight is my 11 year high school reunion. Yes, that's right, 11 year. That's because the girl who won the class president popularity contest senior year proved worthless when it came to planning. We all knew this in high school when we were the first class ever to not have a senior breakfast and were reminded when the five year mark passed without so much as a peep. For our ten year, she pretended to do some planning, then complained that no one liked her ideas (we're older now, no more kissing the popular crowds ass) and gave up. So someone that none of my friends can remember - I really don't even think she went to school with us - planned the whole thing and last week announced she wasn't coming. Oh, and in that same I'm-not-going-to-the-party-I-planned email, said planner announced that the venue had changed from a rather decent, outdoor banquet hall to a dark, smokey, dilapidated building 100 yards from our high school. Was the school gym booked?

In case you haven't picked up on it by now, I'm really NOT looking forward to this. I wasn't invisible in high school but I definitely wasn't part of the IT crowd. More like the person the IT crowd was pointing at. Most of the people I wouldn't mind seeing - the one's that if I saw them in the mall someday I wouldn't duck into the nearest dressing room or janitorial closet to avoid - aren't on the list of people going. In fact, I'm not on the list of people going. I was so convinced that CJ was going to bale on me that I never sent in my $40. Now I have to figure out how to pay my money at the front desk without letting on that I had no confidence in the person standing next to me.

AND, of course, I feel as though I haven't achieved enough in the past eleven years to face these people again. Graduate from college? Yes, but my student loans are making it difficult for me to convince my husband that we can afford for me to get my hair cut before the big affair. Motherhood? Yup - and she's gorgeous. But I'm a dietitian and I'm a good 40 pounds overweight for crying out loud. (I was thin in high school, I didn't appreciate it then, but I was thin!) Master's degree - well, two courses and a major project away, does that count? Home ownership - nope. Travel the world? Um, I've been to DisneyWorld AND DisneyLand. Where do I live? Even closer to our old school than that ramshackle building I'll be stuck in tonight. I want to show up tonight thin and beautiful, with perfect hair and long shiny nails wearing a stunning hand knit tank that I designed myself.

I feel like I did when I was 15. My parents weren't wealthy by any stretch and it seemed like everyone else always had MORE and BETTER than me. I used to have dreams at night that there were stashes of make-up and clothes in secret rooms in our house. I'd wake up to reality so disappointed I wanted to cry.

Mostly, I just want to go on with my life without having to be 15 again for the night. I like where I live, my friends and family live nearby, and people I've known my whole life get to know my daughter now too. I like being a home body who hangs out with her husband and knits for hours while watching Court TV. Would I like to be richer and thinner? Of course. But I want to like my life tomorrow too, without the opinions of the cheerleaders and prom queens making me doubt myself all over again.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

In the passenger's seat on the way to and from Pennsylvania I started making a sweater for Bear. I guessed at the size, 28 inches, which is about 8 years too big for Bear (oops!). I made a swatch in stockinette stitch, did a little math, and cast on 14 inches worth of stitches. I thought I'd make it a little more interesting and started browsing the stitch dictionary I had with me. The stitch I chose knits up at about 8 sts/inch, a lot tighter than the 4.5 sts/inch my calculations were based on. SO I decided that instead of using my piece from the bottom up as just the back I would knit one long piece and use it horizontally as both front and back. A good plan. Except that when I finally got back to civilization (and Internet access) I realized how incredibly BIG this sweater is going to be. In the ultimate in irony, if I had just kept the piece the way it was and used it as the back, the sweater would have ended up as the right size for Bear. So what to do? Keep going? I have about 20 inches already done, or rip all that work back? If I keep it big, the sweater will fit two of my cousins - another problem - if I give a sweater to one cousin, I have four others that will want sweaters. And really, is Bear going to even want to wear this in 2015? Will it look horribly out of style or will she just not like it because her mom does? I think I'm just going to put it aside and let it simmer for a while.

Monday, May 21, 2007

So, back from No-Man's-Land, PA. The wedding was very nice, and it was great to see all the relatives that we never get to visit with. The TWELVE HOUR RIDE was not as bad as anticipated. It still took TWELVE HOURS to get there Thursday and another TWELVE HOURS to get home Sunday, but both kids were drugged so the whining and the vomiting was minimal.

I did get a lot of knitting done in the car though. I brought some AustermannJuwel yarn (thanks for the fabulous deal LYS) a pair of size 5 needles, and a stitch dictionary. The result is pretty fantastic so far.

And since it's Monday - you'll see that I'm down a pound. Not too bad, I think, for eating most of my meals at rest stops and family buffets for the last four days. I tried to make the best choices possible but it seemed as though the restaurant world was really ganging up on me. For dinner Thursday night I ordered a Country Spinach Salad at Bob Evans - luckily I asked for the "Hot Bacon Dressing" (aka bacon grease from pan) on the side. I tried again Friday at Arby's with a Martha's Vineyard Salad. Salad might be too generous a term for the tossed cheddar cheese and chicken over a very thin bed of wilted lettuce that came in my bowl. I finally gave up and had burgers and fries like everyone else.

My foot is feeling better too, so it looks like Bear and I will finally be able to try out the new back pack carrier. Now that she's home and back on her schedule. For those of you not familiar with an 18-month-old who is out of her element... let's just say that uncaged zoo animals would probably be better behaved. And more welcome at the hotel where we stayed (for the last time ever, I would think). But how can I stay mad at that face...

Monday, May 14, 2007

One of the few facts listed in my meager profile is my occupation - Registered Dietitian. And yes, that is my weight up there. I am an overweight dietitian. It wasn't always that way. In high school I played tennis and ran track. In college, I continued to play tennis my freshman year but then my situation became more complicated. In addition to going to school, I started working several part time jobs (all at once). I stopped playing tennis and my running became sporadic at best. During the next ten years I would gain more than fifty pounds. At my heaviest (not counting pregnancy) I was 179 pounds. I vowed that I wouldn't hit 180, and found out I was pregnant not two weeks later. During my pregnancy I focused on eating right for the baby growing inside me. I kept my weight gain within the recommended limits and after giving birth I left the hospital at 179 pounds.

In the hospital, holding my newborn daughter, I had idyllic dreams of how I would be a shining example of health. I would eat right, exercise daily, and be svelte in no time. My daughter would never see a single potato chip pass my lips. Once home, with no nurses to take the baby when I needed to nap and no kitchen staff at my beck and call I staggered. Postpartum depression settled in, and my husband was left to do everything but the breast feeding. I was hurting and macaroni & cheese felt soothing and comfortable.

Fast forward to now, a year and a half later. I feel better. Anti-depressants help. Thanks to my fabulous boss I've been able to change my work schedule to four, ten-hour days. Bear and I spend our extra day together walking to the library, going to the zoo or the children's museum, playing in the park. Anything to get us out of the house and moving. We recently signed up for Mommy and Me swim lessons.

My eating has improved. I keep a little notebook with me and write down every morsel I consume. Next to the food I list the calories and then two more columns of numbers, a running total of calories for the day and another of calories left for the day. In the beginning I lost ten pounds in 7 weeks. Then two weeks ago, I had minor foot surgery. "Minor" in the sense that it was done in the doctor's office and I could drive myself home. Surgery though, means that I have been off my feet for the past two weeks. I've watched hours of Law & Order re-runs, I am dying to know how the Melanie McGuire trial will end - life, death, obviously she'll appeal. And I have been visiting my old friend, macaroni & cheese, almost daily. In two weeks, I put on 4.5 pounds. It's very upsetting.

So this morning I broke out a fresh notebook. I started off the day with my favorite multigrain bagel (265 calories) topped with a little butter (72 calories) and a banana (139 calories). I have a follow-up with the podiatrist this afternoon, and with his OK, I'm taking my dogs on a one mile walk after work. My goal weight is 125 pounds. I want to be there by my daughters next birthday, in late October. To keep me honest, every Monday post will be dedicated to my pursuit of weight loss and health. I don't ever want my daughter to struggle with her weight, but more importantly I want her to like herself. I want to be the person I want her to want to be.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

This morning, my husband kept Bear occupied so I could sleep in (worth more than all the diamonds in the world) and then greeted me with a box of chocolates even before he made me french toast and bacon for breakfast. Could a day start any better? Bear thoroughly enjoyed Mama's chocolates...

And then fed most of her breakfast to the dogs.

The past two weeks have been beautiful weather wise, but of course I've been stuck inside recouperating from foot surgery. Note to self: have surgery in February next time. I have, however, been able to get a lot of knitting accomplished. The garter stitch sweater now has a front, back and half an arm - though I'm starting to worry that I'm not going to have enough yarn to finish. I'm about to start one of those desperate do-you-have-dye-lot-number-such-and-such (90!! In case anyone out there does - it's AllHemp 6, color 16, dye lot 90!!) searches.

And now, because my husband works at the gambling capitol of the world, I need to go watch Survivor and see if we won the pool.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Today was the first warm, muggy day we've had this season. It was about 82 degrees and just plain sticky. Bear is not a happy camper. She *barely* napped at day care and by the time she got home with us she was just UGLY - Matilda had emerged. She threw her oatmeal at me and tried jumping off the changing table while I was getting her ready for bed. She has this miserable wimper where she just wants to be held and snuggled and while I love to do that, I can't really sleep in the rocking chair and my boss gets mad when I sleep at my desk. As far as I can tell, we either have to install the air conditioners soon (hint, hint husband) or move to Alaska. I'll send you all my new address.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

I'm working on the garter stitch sweater from hemp for knitting for a close friends soon-to-be-adopted son. And while the finished product is not your run of the mill baby sweater, it is 99% garter stitch making it pretty much run of the mill to knit. I've finished the back and started the front. (Shown here on my dirty rug - our yellow lab has the DRYEST skin, we do vacuum, I swear.)

I love the color (deep sea #16), which helps keep me going - I still owe said friend the honeymoon cami from 2 3/4 birthdays ago. More because of my own knitting ADD than because of the color, but that's another story. I'm hoping to finish this before we leave for the family wedding in Nowheresville, USA next week. Then I can bring something else to work on for the TWELVE HOUR RIDE. Ugh.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Because I don't have enough to do, what with being a wife, mother, working full-time, consulting on the side, knitting, and occasionally brushing my teeth, I thought I'd start a blog. I am actually very excited about this. It will give me something to do with my computer besides shop for used socks on ebay. In the coming days (weeks, lets be honest here) I will get this site up and running with pictures of my works in progress (many), finished objects (few), and those projects that are still in skein form, patiently awaiting the year 2053 when I retire and my (great)grandchildren refuse to wear the horribly out of style (and obsolete) ipod nano arm band.

I am a 30-something year old dietitian by day and mom by night (and day and all those hours inbetween when people without newborns are sleeping) who is still figuring out this whole motherhood thing. I love knitting, reading, yoga, and long walks - they calm the baby. I have an obsessive facination with ebay and an equally obsessive fascination with my children.