Scarlett Johansson’s Mouth

And not good distracting, or excuse me but I’m off to the bathroom for five – no, make that three! – minutes distracting, but just plain old distracting.

I can’t even say exactly what I find so distracting about her mouth. The lips look … wrong. When she smiles one half of one of her lips sneers while part of the other one flattens or something. Or does it? I don’t even know if that’s possible or if that’s even happening. Or maybe the upper lip inflates and deflates when her mouth opens while the lower one extends outwards slightly. Or do her lower teeth retract inside her jaw when she sneer-smiles unbalancing the mouthal area? A clear example of the distractingness of the distracting lips on the distracting mouth of Scarlett Johansson. I can’t even tell what is so distracting about her mouth due to its awesome powers to distract my cognitive functions.

Perhaps it is a mouth that can only be understood through the medium of poety. Wordsworth-style.

I wondered oddly at Scarlett Johansson’s mouth
That expands bizarrely o’er cheeks and chin,
When all at once I became distracted;
A lip, transcending this dimension.
Within the skin, beneath the nose,
Staring intently, my confusion grows.

13 Comments

lee

April 12, 2007

You know, you’re right. She was in an advert a while back for some lipstick and I kept wondering just what was wrong with the whole picture. Now I know. It was her lips. Rest of her is very nice though.

blubb. I don’t feel this way…
ps: do you like jolie’s lips ?? maybe you’re just a type of guy, who finds big lips not so affecting ? the eye of the beholder, so to say.
Cause I think their lips are completing their personalities perfectly…
never mind….

I can admire openly honest jealousy (Babs) and empathise whole-heartedly (being no Brad Pitt myself, by any stretch of the imagination – more Arm Pitt I would say).

But Mark – I can only assume you are some sort of Adonis, able to brashly cast aside a girl with those looks on such an unfathomable charge as wrong looking lips.

Please be assured I did not post this comment lightly. I have spent an afternoon thoroughly researching the topic (so much so I was too tired almost forgot to post this comment). Having gone to all this effort I feel obliged to ally with Ally – unable as I am to find fault with the wondrous countenance of fair Scarlett. Not wanting to clutter this post with the hundreds of few high quality images I downloaded as part of my exhausting exhaustive research might I suggest the dissenters (and in particular you, good Mark) peruse http://www.alrincon.com/destacado/scarlettjoha/1.htm in order to perhaps re-evaluate your harsh appraisal?

Oh – and I hope you feel proud of yourself – forcing a naive and impressionable internet novice such as myself to visit these sorts of sites on a chivalrous crusade to protect a young lady’s honour in the face of such wanton detraction.

Grazor, I’m not an Adonis – unless he was the deformed dwarf God with a beer belly in which case, guilty as charged – but I do have incredibly astute intuition. I can meet someone and instantly know whether they are trustworthy, a backstabbing bastard, someone I know I can get on with, or someone I will have to rig an elevator-based accident for. In a similar way my spidey sense is picking up something about Ms Johansson’s mouth. It is hostile and not to be trusted. You may defend her physical attributes with as much authority as I take issues with them and you may be right and I wrong. However, if – in the near future – during a world premiere red carpet interview her lips should split and a series of Von Neumann machines spill forth and wreak havoc upon the Earth then I trust your final utterance before absorption as replication material will be "Heavens to Betsy! Mark warned us all!"

Mavis, thanks for your comment. I’ve decided to get a hobby. It’s Latin American Dance Fighting.

Heavens to Betsy, Mark! I like the idea of self-replicating Scarlett Johanssons. If enough came into creation we could all have one (and if you didn’t want yours because of her hostile and untrustworthy mouth, then I’d be more than happy to have two).

As for becoming replication material, I’ve often said I’d give my right arm for a night with Scarlett. Do you think one arm would be enough material? She’s probably quite petite and I do have fat arms.