JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

The Phone Call From Z

So Z calls me and says that he paid $8 to some service to get my Dad's number in order to try to get back in touch with me: "I'm stalking you now." He also told me that he googled me in trying to find me and has been reading about things I've been doing. My mouth hit the floor. He asked me how spontaneous I am and what I'm doing this weekend and then invited me to come stay with him in Michigan this weekend.

Me: "as in two days from now."

Z: "No, tomorrow."

I don't quite know what to make of the whole thing. He admitted to having been in MY town somewhat recently and in being in Kansas City the beginning of December when I was there when Grandma died. (Well, I didn't tell him that part.) It seems strange to me that all of a sudden after months and months and months, now he wants to see me. I'm worried that he just wants a fling, but kinda hoping that maybe he's really been thinking about me as I've been thinking about him.

But now he has my email and phone number, I guess the ball is in his court.

Here's the hard parts: 1) Not getting too excited or ahead of myself with any of this. But, I mean come ON this is Z! Jeez, I've had a thing for this guy for over 10 years AND he's Israeli and spriritual in a Jewish way AND an academic. 2) Not messing things up with the guy that I'm starting to date here because I do #1.

I called my therapist (which I need to stop doing), who suggested that I've mentioned that I get hung up in the past by leaving my own needs out of the picture and by getting too far ahead of myself. So, the practice, let me repeat it again, is to remain calm, not get ahead of myself aka remain in the present moment, and not let go of myself or my priorities

6 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Call me crazy but, if Z wants to see you, he better show up on your doorstep!! What is with this sudden urge to make contact?? If you go to Michigan it'll be on his terms, and you JUST got back into town. I don't want to tell you what to do -- I just don't understand why if he wants to see you so badly that he shows such a lack of planning regarding such a last minute invitation. I'm sure you'll put yourself first and do what you feel is right. Don't want you to regret anything, just think he needs to say 'whoaa' to his horsie....hmmm. Dying to call you now!!!! Will try calling you this weekend, I'm very hoarse and it's hard to talk for more than 1 min w/out coughing.....

So, you finally loosen up enough to enjoy yourself with this other guy, and all of a sudden Z shows up?Are you telling me that this is a coincidence?I don't believe it.

Hendrix talks about such patterns in his book for singles "Keeping the Love You Find".I have a feeling you will benefit from reading that book and doing the exercises, if you are up to it emotionally.P.SI hate bugging people about books I feel they should read so this is the first and last time.Good luck!

Yes, clearly this is a test of my will. If I want a relationship, then I have to do the work of it. Joe, you asked before what to do when you get stuck....and I think the trick, at least for me, is to have other people help vear me back to the path. Talking about this and getting comments really helps me get perspective.

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JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

About Me

"What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open." Muriel Rukeyser
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"I believe that the more I share my life and process honestly, the more I can heal, and, in turn, help others heal." Sark