I said he shouldn’t attend events since I’m not invited, but he doesn’t want to upset his parents.
I finally put my foot down with the ultimatum that the next time he attends a family event to which we’re not recognized as a couple, we won’t be a couple after that.

Am I wrong to make this ultimatum?

Fed Up

You’re right to put your foot down, but not on an ultimatum.

Instead, insist on going to counselling together (it’s cheaper than breaking up, and worth the time for what should be short-term therapy).

He needs to hear in the counsellor’s presence how you feel being excluded by his family, and un-championed by him.

You need to hear him explain to a professional counsellor why he’s still so tied to their opinions.

You both need to agree that “50-ish” is old enough to set limits on what parents can dictate… or else recognize a deeper problem.

If after 15 years his insisting on including you can destroy their relationship with him, then it’s an unhealthy and far less loving relationship than he thinks.

“With almost lusty, obsessive detail, "Reader #2" imagined and projected all sorts of benefits and dealings from a report of workplace harassment, without considering a word of what the pharmacist actually wrote you about her feelings and experience.

“Even if supposed benefits were received, they could still be unwanted by the recipient as they were unjustly earned.

“Speaking from experience, it doesn’t feel good to learn later that your boss actually didn't choose you for a better job because of your work ethic, accomplishments, education, or enthusiasm.

“Sexual harassment isn’t a promotion or compliment. It can tarnish and poison your work life and make you doubt your own strengths as a member of the workforce.”

Tip of the day:

When a partner doesn’t stand up for you before parents, either the family relationship or your union isn’t that secure.