Spice Did It…

After spring break, senior year at Dayton, Spice came back to school from New York and brought with him some big ass Italian sub from a deli in NYC. We went to the bar and he did not stop yapping about this fucking sub. “It’s the best sub in the city…. I grew up on these subs… My Dad went to this place when he was a kid… I can’t wait to go home tonight and eat that sandwich….” As he said this, I looked at Felix’s face and knew that Spice was never seeing one bite of that sandwich.

At about 1:00 am Felix snuck home from the bar, took the sandwich out and ate it. He then took 2 slices of white bread, covered them with mayo and filled the sandwich with baby carrots. Then he wrapped it back in the deli paper, put it back in the bag and stuck it back in Spice’s refrigerator.

The next morning Felix’s parents came to pick him up to take him to Sunday mass. He came out of the house in his dirty Saturday night drinking clothes. Spice had taken a Kryptonite bike lock and locked all of his clothes together. He put the lock through the neck and sleeve of every shirt Felix owned and the leg of every pair of his pants, thus making it impossible for him to get to any of his clothes.

Felix’s Dad: “What happened to your clothes?”
Felix: “They are all locked together.”
Dad: “What do you mean, locked together? How did that happen?”
Felix: “Spice did it…”
Dad: “Friends do not do things like that to each other.”

A few weeks later, Spice, Felix, Charlie, Donger, Mario, JDub and I traveled to Toronto to see the Hockey Hall of Fame. After too many pops Felix started feeling feisty and wanted to wrestle with Spice. Following multiple warnings to back off, Felix got what he was asking for. Spice body slammed him and rubbed his face across the carpet, giving him a rug burn directly down the middle of his face, from his chin to his forehead.

That Sunday on our way back to Dayton, we went to Felix’s parents house for lunch.

Felix’s Dad: “What happened to your face?”
Felix: “I got rug burn on it.”
Dad: “What do you mean, rug burn? How did this happen?”
Felix: “Spice did it…”
Dad: “Friends do not give each other rug burns on their face.”

After we finished college we went camping. Again following too many pops and multiple bad decisions, Felix insisted he wanted to be branded. As a group we informed him this was the worst idea he had ever had but he was sure he wanted this. So what do friends do? We laid a metal poker in the fire and let it get white-hot. Once it was hot enough we pinned him down and jabbed the poker into his bicep. Leaving a horrible puss infected wound.

A few days later Felix’s Dad came to visit us on Nantucket and we went to the beach where Felix took his shirt off.

Felix’s Dad: “What happened to your arm?”
Felix: “I was burned.”
Dad: “What do you mean, burned? How did this happen?”
Felix: “Spice did it…”
Dad: “I am starting to think you should not be hanging around Spice.”