Zookeeper

Synopsis

KEVIN JAMES, famed STAR of AWFUL MOVIES, is a ZOOKEEPER. He fails so hard with WOMEN that the ZOO ANIMALS have to rescue him from his own INEPTITUDE by teaching HIM to GRUNT and PISS ON THINGS. Somehow, this actually works. Oh yeah, also the ANIMALS can talk.

Honestly, the only way this movie could be any worse is if it starred Adam Sandler.

By the Numbers

Inappropriate Mariachi bands: 2

Rapping giraffes: 1

Lions under lionesses’ thumbs: 1

Thumbs possessed by lionesses: 0

Times the main character is talking to animals when there are definitely members of the public around: 24

Humans that are kind of a dick: 4

Animals that are kind of a dick: 1

Tricycle limbo moves: 1

People not freaked out by a gorilla in TGI Fridays: somehow about 90

Ostriches crushed: 1

Canoe chases: 1

Cringe-worthy scenes: 204

Overall: 2 –

WAAAAAAIT! It did have bloody Adam Sandler in it. The voice of the bloody monkey. Right, that’s it Zookeeper, you get a point docked for that.