It's so crazy that the only way you can adjust the rebound damping is with prescription drugs.

Well, the organizers of Full Bike Day are doing it again, and they've asked me to let you know about their new photo contest, which I'm now doing because: a) I like them; and 2) they said if I don't they'd come to New York and kill me:

(When I think of "The bicycle and mankind," I think of a 15 year-old in a sweatshirt.)

By the way, I never would have imagined it possible, but I think they may have actually topped the "OG" Full Bike Day poster:

Anyway, if you are inclined to submit a throbbing hunk of your photographic excellence to this contest, here are the rules:

I didn't take the time to actually read it carefully, but I did skim it, and I think it says the winner gets nothing and that the organizers get to keep the photos.

See how everybody's smiling? That's because the idea is to teach your children that running down cyclists in cars is a fun part of everyday life, like visiting grandma or going to the bakery. In fact, it's perfectly reasonable to expect that you might run down one or two cyclists on the way to either place. Just treat them like pigeons or squirrels--keep right on going until they notice you and get out of the way. And if you hit them don't worry, because it's their fault for being too stupid to move, and anyway everybody will be fine just as long as the cyclist is wearing a helment.

Anyway, I was thinking about safety yesterday as I was riding my Scattante bicycle cycling bike in Brooklyn and found myself behind this person:

There are some safety-minded cyclists who would be bothered that he is not wearing a helment:

I am not one of those cyclists. However, I am still safety-minded, and indeed I'd argue that because I'm not preoccupied with helments I am able to hone in on far more serious omissions, such as the complete absence of brake pads:

(Air brakes.)

I guess it was either the $10 brake pads or the $150 Chrome bag and he opted for the latter. Given the state of the economy, who can blame him? I can't wait for Mitt Romney to fix this damn country so people can afford to start stopping again.

Of course, everybody has a different approach to safety, and it's largely determined by how you answer this question:

For example, some people ask themselves, "What would happen if I didn't use brake pads?" and then just decide, "Ah, fuck it." Other people ask themselves, "What would happen if I fell on my head?," figure it's better to land on foam than pavement, and so they wear a helment hat. And still other people ask themselves, "What would happen if I used brake pads and a helment and I fell on my head but my helment was unable to place a phone call for me?," and for them there's the ICEdot crash sensor:

The inventors of the ICEdot recently emailed me about their product, and basically what happens is you fall on your head, your head calls your cellphone, and if you don't press the button in a certain amount of time your cellphone calls someone who can help you:

Or, if you prefer, it's the Fredly equivalent of this:

Depending on where you fall on the "What would happen?" spectrum this may or may not appeal to you. Certainly anything that has the potential to save a life has value. At the same time we all have a different threshold for the extent to which we're willing to be "wired" during a bike ride, and I confess that this one falls far beyond mine. Still, I suppose I have a weak threshold, because I also refuse to use Strava, mostly because the "How it Works" diagram on their website makes no sense to me:

I'm fine with number one, which is grabbing a phone, because I do always carry a phone. (It's a rotary wall phone, I keep it in my giant messenger bag.) I'm also more than fine with number two, which is going out for a ride, because I do really like going out for rides. However, it's number three--viewing my ride afterwards--where to my mind the whole system falls apart. See, here's a little secret: if you skip number three, you can actually spend more time doing number two. (By the way, you can also spend more time doing number two if you replace number three with eating an "epic" burrito.) Why essentially just cut your ride short so you can look at it in the form of red lines on a map? I thought the riding was the point.

I guess it's the same impulse that compels people to film themselves during the act of onanism, which could be why the map in number three looks suspiciously like a penis:

I have posted this ride before but I feel it bears mentioning again, especially since the creator only has the second-fastest time on one of the sections:

That must be one hotly-contested penis.

Of course, all this safety is for naught if nobody can see you, which is why you can also get high-visibility clothing--and nobody loves high-visibility clothing as much as British people, as I learned during my visits to London, and which this article and video forwarded to me by a reader proves:

I was particularly intrigued by the fake police vest that says "polite:"

6 months, huh? So THAT'S why they rub their legs together everynight and do the mating call thing. They have to compile all sexual activity of their entire existence into 6 months. I tried rubbing my legs together like that one time but my weiner got tucked back and I ended up looking like the Buffalo Guy on Silence of the Sheeps.

just for fun i read the oldest post while waiting for today's. its funny to compare and contrast. i do miss some of the more angry rants over people's stupid craigslist ads, but also appreciate the replacement in the way of kickstarter ranting. they are both good, just different.

You insensitive Bastard. Is that some sort of sick joke because the modular emergency vehicle says "Lance" on the side of it and that's him on the stretcher because his career is now dying/dead. It's funny. You're a funny fuck.

I was crushing some loops this morning in central park. You may have heard of this park, it's the park in the center of the city that is the center of the universe. Anywho, it was an extra pleasant experience because this week the DOT finally closed one of the two lanes of traffic and made it a bike lane. Better late than never, big ups to Janette Sadik Khan and all of the little Kahns at the DOT for doing something truly balsy that will make a huge difference to the people who actually use the park for recreation as opposed to those who use it as a speedway. On my ride to work later in the morning through the park there was a long line of traffic backed up given the removal of one lane, needless to say some drivers decided to use the bike lane anyway...baby steps.

Been lusting after that alluring ride and smell of titanium? Not got enough scratch for the budnitz? Schlep on over to fleabay and put a bid on this old Dean Slap some bits on it from your parts bin and if you do it right not even a creak.

That's what I did a few years ago when I picked up a closeout ti frame with no stickers for dirt cheap. Been happy as a clam ever since.

My dog wishes to protest the discriminatory theme of your contest involving fall foliage because the trees have yet to turn in Brooklyn.

You will be hearing from his attorneys.

(I wouldn't worry. They're just peeved because they've been lifting their legs on a certain tree for the past few weeks hoping to hasten leaf turning and still have nothing to show for it. I don't have the heart to tell them it's an evergreen.)

For the love of Gawd, will someone please put Mcfly and Babble on (Babylon?)in the same room for the 12 seconds it will take him to dissapoint the fuck out of her sexually.Then maybe we can get past all of this chronic jagoff middle school inuendo.It starts off as embarrassing - and it's a downhill run from there.

anon@ 4:50 - Though it would appear so, my needs are remarkably well met, and all of my itches perfectly scratched, thanks. I am on a mission, however, to diligently spread the good word, and make the world a better place. :)

The lack of brake pads is possibly something to do with the fact hes put a 700c wheel on a frame built for 27 inch wheels. (i'm guessing the 1970s centre pull brake levers are indicative of 27 inch wheeled bike.) i tried retrofitting an old 27 incher with a 700c alloy wheel and the pads didnt reach so i relented and put the old 27 inch steel wheels back on. Although there you go i could have just removed the pads and been done with it! Presumably he has left a 27 inch wheel on the front so he can actually stop?

Just got back frim an EPIC RIDE out to Marin French Cheese. Grabbed the uje, beer, baguette, jalepeno spread, and a triple cream brie. Chick running the register says that it's special price today; $20 for EIGHT brie rounds!!! So I ate almost an entire round, then struggled home with 7 rounds of brie in my flannel shirt. That, my friends is hot sweaty cheese. It is also about $104 worth of brie. Guess what's for dinner?

I have to say Babble stated her mission clearly and straight-forward from the get go. She believes in the healing power of love(sex) and thinks if everyone had more love(sex) in their lives they would behold its amazement and there spread more love(sex) around other people that need it. And by Lob I love(sex) her for it.

Good Gondwanaland! Would someone put Frilly, Anon @ 1:30, Fritz the Cat, Anon @ 4:07, Lance Armstrong, Leroy, Leroy's dog, Roy Rogers, Trigger, and Comment Deleted in a room together for the love of Lob, please. We won't give them a time limit or anything like that but, man, alert the geneticists when they spill out.

For the love of Lob will someone please put Frilly, Frillys knickers, Babble On, some jello, Frillys RUMP BUMP(tm), Recumbabe, The Stradalli Model(The one with the nice breasts) and BIKES GONE WILD!! in a room together.

Visitation is at Mount Talampias Funeral Home on Friday from 4-6 pm. The Funeral will be RSVP.

Mr. Bike Snob, if you want to really gain crediblity with people who have more to write than "podium, pussy, or weed, you have to address bicycling problems intelligently. Some motorists hate cyclists but no motorists want to kill them. Rabid cyclists want it all: to ride where they want when it suits them. Side walk, bike lane, street. The battle rages on; just make sure you are on the right side. If you haven't watched it, check out "the Fisher King." It is very insightful.

I can't wait 'till the ICEdot crash sensor is developed! If something like this were to catch on the public wouldn't have to worry about pesky fallen cyclists clogging up their streets because their healment would call the ambulance to efficiently sweep them off the pavement. You'd have to be some sort of moron to ride without that kind of safeguard!

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!