How to boil your eggs, by the naked chef

Another 500 words of searing bollocks from Jay Rayner - Jamie Oliver has revealed he once almost cooked his genitalia indulging in a little bare baking. Despite the obvious danger, have you ever cooked in the buff?

If you're eating right now, save this post for later as it is unlikely to be an aid to digestion. We're going to be talking nude cookery, including my own and, well, it ain't going to be pretty. To be honest, I thought I was the only one who had ever prepared food without the aid of clothing. Then again, it's a hard subject to broach without sounding like a pervert isn't it: tell me, do you ever cook in the buff? No. It's, not often discussed.

But now, it turns out, I'm not alone. The saintly Jamie Oliver, the original Naked Chef, reveals in the latest issue of his self-branded magazine that one Valentine's Day he roasted sea bass for his dearly beloved Jules while naked, and almost cooked his genitalia too when a belch of steam escaped the newly opened oven. Ouch.

I too have had a near miss like this though, in my defence, I was just six years old at the time. My elder brother, who was skilled in the dark arts of sibling exploitation, liked to get me to cook him a fried breakfast each Saturday morning: fried eggs, bacon, sausages, the works. My parents were oblivious to this – claiming later that it was because they were so tired after the working week to be woken by anything on a Saturday morning – until the day I accidentally poured a pan full of boiling fat over my hand. Following which I screamed. And then my parents woke up.

Jay relives the painful moment. Photograph: Phil Fisk/Observer

Looking back I realise it could have been so much worse for, being without pyjamas, or anything for that matter, there is no particular reason why any prominent part of me should have escaped. Happily it was only my hand which suffered first degree burns but really ... that could have been the end of my manhood before my manhood had even begun.

You would think I had learnt my lesson but the truth is that there are still occasions when I have ended up in the kitchen, in adulthood, in a state of undress. Unlike Jamie, it's never happened because I thought my loved one might find it somehow attractive. I hope I am more self aware than that. It's always been a matter of circumstance: not wearing anything in bed, stumbling down to the kitchen to make coffee first thing on a warm summer's morning, without a dressing gown. And suddenly there you are pouring boiling water into mugs in the buff without for a moment thinking that this might be a very bad idea indeed. Which surely it must be. Having read of Jamie's risky behaviour I think perhaps my naked cheffing days are over.

And so, as ever, it's time to share. You told of your kitchen calamities last week, so it's not like we're moving on to virgin territory. Are Jamie and I the only ones to have cooked naked? If you've done it too, what in god's name possessed you to do so? And what was the outcome? We're all friends here and we promise to wince on cue.