Thursday, February 19, 2009

Today marks my 50th day of exercising everyday! I intend on keeping this practice up for a long time, but there is one thing I don't intend to keep up with.

Tomorrow ends a 51 day period of "No Alcohol" in my life.

I started this experiment (both alcohol and exercise) for the main purpose of being healthy and getting fit. I had been noticing for some time that whenever I drank, although it was never a lot, I felt stressed, tired, and moody. Plus, I have to say that my uncles death last year at the hands of a very drunk and very stoned ass-hole did have quite an effect on me, and the idea of driving home even after just one drink, has not sounded appealing since.

So generally, I quit drinking because of stress and health and ass-holes.

What I discovered:

The first 30 days of non-drinking I felt great (I think this was also due to the exercise). Overall, my body was getting fitter, my mind felt clear, and I have to say that this January was one of the best I've ever had. I would hang out with friends who were drinking, but I was never bothered, and I didn't really have any desire to drink at all. It was just no big deal.

Then February hit and everything changed. Suddenly, I started to have cravings for beer. Beautiful dark, creamy, delicious beer. I would dream about it at night, and daydream about it during the day. I held fast to my vow though, and I promised I wouldn't drink until my birthday.

Things started getting stressful at work, I was getting really irritable, and I had what I would describe as one of the worst work weeks ever. All I wanted on that Friday was to have a drink to help relax my muscles and my mind, but no. I suffered through and had a Diet Dr. Pepper instead.

And now it is the day before I get to drink again and I have come to one conclusion:

WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THIS??

I have basically realized that the thing I did to relieve stress actually ended up CAUSING me more stress than anything else.

My body was trying to tell me, "Okay, thanks for the break, I feel great and I'm ready to enjoy life again," but I completely ignored that, and now I feel more stressed than when I started. Basically my refusal to listen to what my body wanted was just plain dumb, and I can guarantee I won't be doing that again.

So tomorrow night I am going to drink a delicious beer. I'm not going to go crazy and get wasted or binge on shots, but I'm going to indulge myself.