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"....have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Love..

I saw love and yet didn't

It was hiding behind my door

Crouching like a mouse

I didn't know what to do

But I took a step forward

Bent down a bit

And gave it a comforting look

It stared back still scared

What next I thought?

I fumbled, looking for the right words to pick on

See I didn't want to hurt it, even by chance

This was my first encounter with love

Never dreamt I'd run into it

In a state as such!

I reached out with my hand

Thought I'll help it stand upright

Before anything was said and done

Love looked up with big, bold, beautiful eyes at me

I returned a reassuring gaze

In that moment we both knew

That even if we had just met

I could trust love and love could trust me!

Love's hands were still shivering with beads of sweat

When it clenched onto mine

Suddenly, for no reason

I felt reassured instead!

I gently pulled it up

Helped it find balance beneath it's wriggly feet

Love was now standing at least

Shaking, but still standing

And then it stared back at me

With those big, beady, catlike eyes

As if pleading to let go

But I couldn't for I knew it wouldn't survive long, if I did

I finally stepped up some courage and spoke

Or rather, stammered loudly

But you are love? Aren't you?

How can you be so frail and weak?

I always thought you were the strongest, most powerful thing in the world!

That the Universe responded to you

That you made the planets, the sun, the stars, the moon

Go around the way they did

That you were responsible for creating life

That every living thing gained strength in your presence!!!

Then how? Just tell me how could you be the way you are now?

What happened?

After ranting my heart out, I realised I was talking less and shouting more

I wanted love to understand, that I who had grown up

To believe that in love, with love and through love

I could do, be or face anything in this world

It was downright hard for me to digest

The fact that Love could be so weak!

That maybe I was stronger than love just for this one moment

But that's absurd! How can that ever be, even if that's what this looked like?

I sighed weighing my thoughts heavily

And stared back at love, waiting for an answer

Love looked scared still, but its legs were not wriggly anymore

I instantly felt bad for voicing out what I felt

Learning to keep my thoughts to myself is something I was clearly yet to master!

I smiled at love and let go of it's hand

Yes! It was still afraid but it didn't need my support to stand anymore

Then I did something I never thought I would

I took another step forward and hugged love real tight

I don't know why I did it..but then I just did..

For a second I didn't feel a thing

And then I felt a sudden rush of warmth climbing through my veins

Gushing through my arteries and blood cells

It was headed right for my heart..!

Closing in like a storm through the clouds

A nano second before the impact..

I realised

Love was hugging me instead of the other way round

And then BOOM! The warmth missile had hit its target!

I thought I'd see heaven in a second but I saw stars instead

Big, small, shiny, fading, far way and some almost within reach

So this was what outer space felt or rather looked like I thought

Everything so darker than the blackest of black could be

Yet so bright and lit up with fireworks bursting everywhere

I wasn't in a spaceship and yet I was flying

Just me and this insanely beautiful weirdness surrounding me

And then it was gone!

Something hit my head hard and my eyes flew open

I was the one crouching like a mouse behind my door now

Feeling dazed and disoriented

And love was peering down at me through those big, bold, beautiful eyes

I didn't understand!

I yelled: 'Hold on! Wasn't I the one who was holding you?'

You were the one who was weak and frail! Not me!

How come I am the one with wriggly legs on the ground now?

And from where did you get the strength to help me up?

Look at you! So strong and powerful and free like I always thought you'd be