Wayne Bridge: Nooooooooo!!!!

Ordinarily, I see a fair few things on Twitter that upset or alarm me; covert racism, bitterness, Spurs fans and stupidity to name but a few. Yesterday, however, I bared witness to Wayne Bridge’s name brandished about with increasing regularity, and that’s a concept immeasurably more unsettling than the aforementioned.

Let’s not beat about the bush; Wayne Bridge is shit. He’s the level of shit you’d only reserve for players like Squillaci or Darren Anderton. Even as a temporary stop-gap or last resort, he isn’t the answer. His name alone exudes hapless, incompetent shit. The only circumstance in which ‘Wayne Bridge’ is a valid answer to a question between the Arsenal hierarchy would be if somebody was to ask “Who could we sign to really show our lack of ambition in the transfer market?”.

Yet the story won’t go away; like an irritating relative on Christmas morning, it can’t be gotten rid of. Arsenal, by all accounts, have a fairly substantial pot of money at their disposal, and plenty of time left in January to put it to good use. Ally Cissokho or Eric Abidal are good options for a left full-back position that needs cover in both the short and long term – Kieran Gibbs’ injury record doesn’t exactly allude to him ever playing 3 games consecutively. We should be aiming at that calibre of player.

Wayne Bridge is a portly second-stringer at Manchester City who’s happy to slob around the reserves whilst collecting an obscene salary. His own manager isn’t afraid to come out at say he’s trying to get rid of him. At this point, Saddam Hussein’s corpse would represent a greater option on the left side, and one that would probably go down better with the fans, the vast majority of whom are as apoplectic as I am. In fact, having thought about it considerably; the only redeemable feature about Wayne Bridge as a footballer is that he once made it publicly clear that he doesn’t like John Terry. After that point, I could think of nothing.

So please, Mr Wenger; don’t do this to us. I’ve not asked you for anything up until now. Go out and get us an option with a bit of class – and a new striker whilst you’re at it would go amiss… I’m fully aware that we live in a world where Newcastle can sell Andy Carroll for £35m and get Demba Ba for nothing, so a hefty price tag doesn’t always mean quality, but you’re the man who got us Vieira, Pires and Henry for less than £20; surely your ability to recruit hasn’t dropped to this kind of low?

Thanks for casting your peepers over my little rant, you beautiful bastards. I hope you’ll take a moment to share your thoughts on Wayne Bridge in the comments and follow me over at my Twitter page – @Puddleduck1978.

You are right on the money. The only signing I see is for a left back this January. Abidal is the man I want. His experience will give confidence to the other players. Cissokho even though he is younger at 24 is my second choice Lyon won’t let go on loan, and want seven million pounds for him.