Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Old thoughts

Part of me believed that all romantic relationships lead to confinement.

That I must give up my ability to simply say, "I'm going out now."

Or to take a trip, spend money and even raise my children as I see fit.

Part of me believed that once I began a sexual relationship I would give up my power. That I would invest everything into maintaining said relationship. I feared I would become needy and easy to manipulate.

I believed, once I become sexually involved with someone I must no longer be open to the possibility of meeting another who may suit me more than my current lover and vice versa.

I did not know how not to commit myself whole heartedly to someone else, even when they were not committed to me, even when it clearly wasn't working.

Not anymore. I do not and will not belong to anyone, EVER. Nor will they belong to me. Partners in a relationship should always feel like they can move in a different direction if their heart tells them, they should not deny each other or themselves the possible happiness of a better relationship or life lesson with someone else. This does not mean that a long term working relationship in which my lover and I choose to live together and share responsibilities is wrong, it means that if I feel I need to leave, my partner shouldn't try to get me to stay for their own sake, nor should I do that to them. I also should not force myself to stay because of an old belief system. I will not stand in the way of their path, just as they should not stand in the way of mine. I believe this is possible for me now. I believe this/these person/people exist(s). I believe there are people out there that suit my life style and will be fun and exciting to be around.