It will be a long road to recover ourselves. Today I tried to do the first step, I felt myself strong enough to listen and watch her again (this was the longest period since I became a fan without her music). So I put on a live dvd-it was 1994-Brazil. Gosh, she was so energic and powerful that night, and was getting so much deserved love from the crowd!!! I was able to forget about the sad reality and enjoy her on stage -even if only for a few minutes when I entered into the spirit of that concert.
But my mood is always in a drastic change since she left. Yesterday I was quite all right, but a very little thing, a memory is enough to relapse me into tears and sadness.

In quiet moments thoughout the day I find myself shaking my head, silent, still in disbelief. I feel like a storm just ravaged through my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not borderline depressed (clinically, anyway). I don't let it affect my interaction with my husband, daughter and friends, even though they know how much I love Whitney. But I still can't quite put the pieces together to see how everything continues without Whitney. And maybe its my fault. Maybe I was obsessed. Maybe we all were. I constantly wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking, where she was gonna be and who she was meeting up with. Though I'd never met her in real life, she was family. I didn't live my life for her or because of her. But it made me happy just to know she was out there, being Whitney. I guess that's the part some people can't understand. Losing Whitney was like losing energy, losing joy.

Exaaactly! Whitney was more than just a singer and entertainer to us, she was like family in a way. I'm sure all of us would randomly wonder what Whitney was doing at that moment, where she was, wondered when we would see a new pic of her, etc. She's been such a huge part of our lives for years, for me personally it's been nearly 20 years. To have that all taken away in a matter of seconds is very hard to comprehend. It's hard to accept the reality of this. To never again wonder what she's doing right now, or where she is, or not be able to look forward to anything new with her anymore is heartbreaking. To know she's no longer here on earth with us enjoying her life is devastating. It's really like a void in all of our lives...

I'm just trying to accept this, and just accept that horrible, unexpected things happen in life. It's just part of life... I'm just trying to picture her spirit being free and with all that she loved... It's going to take a while for us all to accept this harsh reality.

In quiet moments thoughout the day I find myself shaking my head, silent, still in disbelief. I feel like a storm just ravaged through my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not borderline depressed (clinically, anyway). I don't let it affect my interaction with my husband, daughter and friends, even though they know how much I love Whitney. But I still can't quite put the pieces together to see how everything continues without Whitney. And maybe its my fault. Maybe I was obsessed. Maybe we all were. I constantly wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking, where she was gonna be and who she was meeting up with. Though I'd never met her in real life, she was family. I didn't live my life for her or because of her. But it made me happy just to know she was out there, being Whitney. I guess that's the part some people can't understand. Losing Whitney was like losing energy, losing joy.

Exaaactly! Whitney was more than just a singer and entertainer to us, she was like family in a way. I'm sure all of us would randomly wonder what Whitney was doing at that moment, where she was, wondered when we would see a new pic of her, etc. She's been such a huge part of our lives for years, for me personally it's been nearly 20 years. To have that all taken away in a matter of seconds is very hard to comprehend. It's hard to accept the reality of this. To never again wonder what she's doing right now, or where she is, or not be able to look forward to anything new with her anymore is heartbreaking. To know she's no longer here on earth with us enjoying her life is devastating. It's really like a void in all of our lives...

I'm just trying to accept this, and just accept that horrible, unexpected things happen in life. It's just part of life... I'm just trying to picture her spirit being free and with all that she loved... It's going to take a while for us all to accept this harsh reality.

That's just the thing...how do you accept something that is completely Unacceptable?

Its hard to say this but had this happened 10 years ago I would still be devastated but at least I could wrap my mind around it but not now!

In quiet moments thoughout the day I find myself shaking my head, silent, still in disbelief. I feel like a storm just ravaged through my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not borderline depressed (clinically, anyway). I don't let it affect my interaction with my husband, daughter and friends, even though they know how much I love Whitney. But I still can't quite put the pieces together to see how everything continues without Whitney. And maybe its my fault. Maybe I was obsessed. Maybe we all were. I constantly wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking, where she was gonna be and who she was meeting up with. Though I'd never met her in real life, she was family. I didn't live my life for her or because of her. But it made me happy just to know she was out there, being Whitney. I guess that's the part some people can't understand. Losing Whitney was like losing energy, losing joy.

that right there! i always have trouble explaining other people what it's like, what being a fan means and why it hurt me so much..they always think i'm just some kind of a lunatic fanatic/stalker/no lifer and that's it..but it's different..as you said, we didn't live our lives for her, but she was a big part of them nevertheless..the simple thought of her living her life gave me joy..i didn't think about her all day long, it didn't affect my every day life..but she's always there in the back of my mind..i open my browser and the first thing i type is "whitney" although most of the time this board is already in one of the tabs, i don't even bother to close it..so that's what hurts, the thought of never again getting a couple of photos of her going to dinner or little unexpected videos like the one where she's dancing to madonna..i liked those even more than some big stuff because they were so unexpected, i'd just get up, go to the board and see a "new whitney pics" thread and instantly smile..

Edited by Petra, 23 February 2012 - 09:42 AM.

"If the voice is a musical instrument, here is a Stradivarius."
- Time magazine -

In quiet moments thoughout the day I find myself shaking my head, silent, still in disbelief. I feel like a storm just ravaged through my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not borderline depressed (clinically, anyway). I don't let it affect my interaction with my husband, daughter and friends, even though they know how much I love Whitney. But I still can't quite put the pieces together to see how everything continues without Whitney. And maybe its my fault. Maybe I was obsessed. Maybe we all were. I constantly wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking, where she was gonna be and who she was meeting up with. Though I'd never met her in real life, she was family. I didn't live my life for her or because of her. But it made me happy just to know she was out there, being Whitney. I guess that's the part some people can't understand. Losing Whitney was like losing energy, losing joy.

Exaaactly! Whitney was more than just a singer and entertainer to us, she was like family in a way. I'm sure all of us would randomly wonder what Whitney was doing at that moment, where she was, wondered when we would see a new pic of her, etc. She's been such a huge part of our lives for years, for me personally it's been nearly 20 years. To have that all taken away in a matter of seconds is very hard to comprehend. It's hard to accept the reality of this. To never again wonder what she's doing right now, or where she is, or not be able to look forward to anything new with her anymore is heartbreaking. To know she's no longer here on earth with us enjoying her life is devastating. It's really like a void in all of our lives...

I'm just trying to accept this, and just accept that horrible, unexpected things happen in life. It's just part of life... I'm just trying to picture her spirit being free and with all that she loved... It's going to take a while for us all to accept this harsh reality.

That's just the thing...how do you accept something that is completely Unacceptable?

Its hard to say this but had this happened 10 years ago I would still be devastated but at least I could wrap my mind around it but not now!

This is the thing. You know I'm an Elvis fan, but Elvis died before I was born. I admired him so much that I didn't have to deal with his passing. Everyone else I was a fan of, most had passed already, so I didnt have to worry about it. See, I'm 23 years old, Whitney has been alive my whole life, I've never lived without her being here. But the thought lingered in my mind that *someday* Whitney would pass on and it would be so hard but it wont be for a long while so I should be okay....WRONG! I never thought we would lose her so early. She made it through her darkest time and I always looked to that, she lived through it, she made it. Then this happened.

I still feel like her death was just a couple days ago, how has it been 12 days? Most of them I dont remember separately because of the fog I was in.

In quiet moments thoughout the day I find myself shaking my head, silent, still in disbelief. I feel like a storm just ravaged through my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not borderline depressed (clinically, anyway). I don't let it affect my interaction with my husband, daughter and friends, even though they know how much I love Whitney. But I still can't quite put the pieces together to see how everything continues without Whitney. And maybe its my fault. Maybe I was obsessed. Maybe we all were. I constantly wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking, where she was gonna be and who she was meeting up with. Though I'd never met her in real life, she was family. I didn't live my life for her or because of her. But it made me happy just to know she was out there, being Whitney. I guess that's the part some people can't understand. Losing Whitney was like losing energy, losing joy.

Exaaactly! Whitney was more than just a singer and entertainer to us, she was like family in a way. I'm sure all of us would randomly wonder what Whitney was doing at that moment, where she was, wondered when we would see a new pic of her, etc. She's been such a huge part of our lives for years, for me personally it's been nearly 20 years. To have that all taken away in a matter of seconds is very hard to comprehend. It's hard to accept the reality of this. To never again wonder what she's doing right now, or where she is, or not be able to look forward to anything new with her anymore is heartbreaking. To know she's no longer here on earth with us enjoying her life is devastating. It's really like a void in all of our lives...

I'm just trying to accept this, and just accept that horrible, unexpected things happen in life. It's just part of life... I'm just trying to picture her spirit being free and with all that she loved... It's going to take a while for us all to accept this harsh reality.

That's just the thing...how do you accept something that is completely Unacceptable?

Its hard to say this but had this happened 10 years ago I would still be devastated but at least I could wrap my mind around it but not now!

I said the same thing 2 days after it happened. I was somewhat prepared for this back during the "dark years." Still woulda been hard... But now? I feel she & I (all fans but I'm speaking from my heart) were cheated. She liked to say she had more in store for her fans. I dreamed shed play piano on a track one day. Or a jazz album. I'm spiritual so I don't need any religion thrown at me saying it was her time or the Lord needed an angel. I just feel so raw. I only share my thoughts here because you all understand.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

In quiet moments thoughout the day I find myself shaking my head, silent, still in disbelief. I feel like a storm just ravaged through my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not borderline depressed (clinically, anyway). I don't let it affect my interaction with my husband, daughter and friends, even though they know how much I love Whitney. But I still can't quite put the pieces together to see how everything continues without Whitney. And maybe its my fault. Maybe I was obsessed. Maybe we all were. I constantly wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking, where she was gonna be and who she was meeting up with. Though I'd never met her in real life, she was family. I didn't live my life for her or because of her. But it made me happy just to know she was out there, being Whitney. I guess that's the part some people can't understand. Losing Whitney was like losing energy, losing joy.

Exaaactly! Whitney was more than just a singer and entertainer to us, she was like family in a way. I'm sure all of us would randomly wonder what Whitney was doing at that moment, where she was, wondered when we would see a new pic of her, etc. She's been such a huge part of our lives for years, for me personally it's been nearly 20 years. To have that all taken away in a matter of seconds is very hard to comprehend. It's hard to accept the reality of this. To never again wonder what she's doing right now, or where she is, or not be able to look forward to anything new with her anymore is heartbreaking. To know she's no longer here on earth with us enjoying her life is devastating. It's really like a void in all of our lives... I'm just trying to accept this, and just accept that horrible, unexpected things happen in life. It's just part of life... I'm just trying to picture her spirit being free and with all that she loved... It's going to take a while for us all to accept this harsh reality.

That's just the thing...how do you accept something that is completely Unacceptable? Its hard to say this but had this happened 10 years ago I would still be devastated but at least I could wrap my mind around it but not now!

I said the same thing 2 days after it happened. I was somewhat prepared for this back during the "dark years." Still woulda been hard... But now? I feel she & I (all fans but I'm speaking from my heart) were cheated. She liked to say she had more in store for her fans. I dreamed shed play piano on a track one day. Or a jazz album. I'm spiritual so I don't need any religion thrown at me saying it was her time or the Lord needed an angel. I just feel so raw. I only share my thoughts here because you all understand.

Exactly!! I think we all prepared ourselves as best we could because we just didn't know. But we were past all that things on the constant up and then its like a cosmic kick in the teeth followed by a one two punch. It just doesn't make sense.

In quiet moments thoughout the day I find myself shaking my head, silent, still in disbelief. I feel like a storm just ravaged through my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not borderline depressed (clinically, anyway). I don't let it affect my interaction with my husband, daughter and friends, even though they know how much I love Whitney. But I still can't quite put the pieces together to see how everything continues without Whitney. And maybe its my fault. Maybe I was obsessed. Maybe we all were. I constantly wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking, where she was gonna be and who she was meeting up with. Though I'd never met her in real life, she was family. I didn't live my life for her or because of her. But it made me happy just to know she was out there, being Whitney. I guess that's the part some people can't understand. Losing Whitney was like losing energy, losing joy.

Exaaactly! Whitney was more than just a singer and entertainer to us, she was like family in a way. I'm sure all of us would randomly wonder what Whitney was doing at that moment, where she was, wondered when we would see a new pic of her, etc. She's been such a huge part of our lives for years, for me personally it's been nearly 20 years. To have that all taken away in a matter of seconds is very hard to comprehend. It's hard to accept the reality of this. To never again wonder what she's doing right now, or where she is, or not be able to look forward to anything new with her anymore is heartbreaking. To know she's no longer here on earth with us enjoying her life is devastating. It's really like a void in all of our lives...

I'm just trying to accept this, and just accept that horrible, unexpected things happen in life. It's just part of life... I'm just trying to picture her spirit being free and with all that she loved... It's going to take a while for us all to accept this harsh reality.

That's just the thing...how do you accept something that is completely Unacceptable?

Its hard to say this but had this happened 10 years ago I would still be devastated but at least I could wrap my mind around it but not now!

I know, I know... I still wake up every morning in disbelief. It's definately a void in my life, in all of our lives. I HATE the thought of this world without Whitney living in it, it KILLS me. It hurts my heart and kills my spirit. It just doesn't seem fair AT ALL. But life isn't fair, it's harsh. Why did this have to happen to Whitney now? Why do little innocent kids get cancer and die? Why did 9/11 have to happen and thousands of innocent people die? Why do some parents lose all of their children in a car accident? Why do horrible things have to happen to good people? I don't get it.

But this happening to Whitney just makes me not really care about what any other artist, singer, or celebrity is doing. not right now anyway. I don't care to see new pictures of them, see them walk the red carpet, hear their new music, see new candids of them, I just don't care anymore.. I would always look forward to seeing any and everything new with Whitney, whether it was a candid picture, a tweet of someone seeing her out and about, any rumored upcoming projects, even something like the video of her dancing to Madonna's halftime show, little things like that I'm going to miss IMMENSELY.. just knowing she was out there LIVING brought me joy (like Eboni said). And now since that has been taken away from us in the blink of an eye, I don't really care about the other's.

I'm pretending to be content because you have to be. You have to move and and keep it movin'. I know that when Sparkle comes out there will be days of waterworks all over again and with that I must wait.

I've accepted that she's gone but I'm not happy about it.

My mom tried comforting me with the "now she's at peace and no one can bother her" speech. That doesn't really comfort one unless said person was miserable and was struggling. Was Whitney struggling? I'm sure a bit, but this year seemed to be the year Whitney was overcoming what bothered her most and she as so full of life for the future is what makes this so absolutely devastating and a bunch of BLEEP! IMHO.

I've been playing "The Sims 3" alot more than usual these past couple days with the intent of escaping reality. It's working.

When she first passed that night and the next day I was completley OCD. It was scary, I couldn't let anything out of place, I was cleaning everything and anything while crying hyseterically. Somehow, that changed and my house became a quickly smelly mess. I'm cleaning up now and trying to get my life "back in order" in terms of laundry, the house, errands, etc and it feels good to move on but as I was dusting my room and cleaning I went to wipe my TV down and I just couldn't bare the thought of cleaning off my handprint from when they carried her casket out. BLEEP! up no?? I just don't wanna wipe it, and I don't know why it's horrifying!!!!!

I can't wash the pajamas I wore over the weekend when I lived on the couch fri thru Sunday night. The t-Shirt is my fave iybt concert shirt from Budweiser atl concert. Did laundry last night & couldn't put them in...just because. I'm forcing myself to do the basic stuff but it's hard as hell. I haven't been on Facebook since 2/11 because I can't deal with anyone's comments.

I understand where y'all coming from.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

I never thought I could be all Whitney'd OUT but it's for all the wrong reasons. I don't listen to her, I don't want to talk about her with anyone who isn't a fan & I don't watch her movies. I feel like a horrible fan & like I've turned my back on her, but it's just TOO much to listen to her right now. I still can't hear her, I skip her songs or leave the roon whenever I hear her voice.

Edited by truthspeaker06, 23 February 2012 - 02:23 PM.

Love is what we make it
We can make it something lovely
So don't desert me
Instead, learn to trust me
And love is what we make it
So let's make it, love

I'm staying prayed up that's all i really no how to do. I never stop listening to her music even though Its very hard it's like I'm fighting to keep her alive even though I no she not here in the present her beautiful spirit will allways be with us. Happy that the people around me are showing such much love and respect because they new how much Whitney meant to me. I would curse you out I mean i was allways ready to go to war for her and they all reminded me of that saying when they heard the news I was the first one on there mind. Wow it's crazy I'm in the car with my grandma and she said she can't get I look to you out her head wow... Sorry I just had to share that ! Even though I tell everyone I'm fine they can see I'm not I feel like part of my life was taken from me and it HURTS LIKE HELL that I can't do nothing to get it back. I don't THINK I will ever move On NOPE I WILL NEVER LET HER GO EVER

I never thought I could be all Whitney'd OUT but it's for all the wrong reasons. I don't listen to her, I don't want to talk about her with anyone who isn't a fan & I don't watch her movies. I feel like a horrible fan & like I've turned my back on her, but it's just TOO much to listen to her right now. I still can't hear her, I skip her songs or leave the roon whenever I hear her voice.

Your not a bad fan I see u on twitter some of us have to deal with it in our own way. In time you will be able to do all those things

I know the thread has been closed and I will not get in any detail....I just want, if I may, express my feelings. After what happened (you all know what I am talking about) I want to ask this. What kind of person does it take to do something like that? No respect, no dignity, no compassion, nothing. I was pissed off earlier today. Now I am just saddened beyond belief. We, Whitney's hard core fans, didn't just love her. Most and above all we totally respected her and for that I am proud of. Maybe the person who did this will never be found out but I do know this. He or she will be ashamed of what they did one day but it can never be undone. They will have to live with that and rightly so.