Thursday, January 24, 2008

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #1

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Marriage is the best seminar you will ever participate in. It offers you an opportunity for growth that no other relationship can equal, if both people are fully participating. A healthy marriage takes time and care. It’s just like anything that is worth having, it requires attention. If you don’t care for your plants, they will die. If you don’t exercise, your muscles will atrophy, if you don’t nurture your relationship, you will begin to become resentful, bored and lonely. The next thing that goes is the passion and romance. So if you’re feeling bored, lonely or resentful in your relationship, consider these 10 keys to Rekindle Your Romance. Make one change in your relationship today that can make a world of difference.

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance Tip #1 Healthy Communication

Healthy and effective communication is a key to any healthy relationship, including a marriage. That’s why it’s first on the list! First of all, it is important to have clear communication. Your partner is not a mind reader. We cannot assume that our partner knows what we are thinking or should know what we are thinking. The first step to healthy communication is to take the time to make it happen. Often we attempt to have communication at the worst times. I’m sure this has never happened to any of you, but here’s how it happens for other people.

Things are going pretty well, but you have this little thing that’s been bothering you and you want to talk about it. But you don’t want to rock the boat by bringing up something that may create tension, because, after all, things are pretty good. So you don’t bring up that thing, which at that time isn’t that big of a deal. But then that thing starts becoming a bigger deal, because you didn’t talk about it. It’s in your mind, bothering you. You’re putting energy into making it okay, ignoring it, waiting until you can find a “good time” to talk about it. Well, guess what? There really isn’t going to be a “good time” to talk about it. What usually happens is that when you are having a heated discussion or dare I say, a fight, about something else, that little thing, which has been growing and festering will come out and now it’s a lot bigger thing, because it has a lot more anger behind it, and it’s on the pile with all the other things you have been holding onto, waiting for a “good time “to talk.

I recommend that you set aside time every day to talk. That way, you are talking about the little things when they are still fairly uncharged. Sometimes you will be chatting about daily happenings and sometimes you will be bringing up those tough subjects that are more difficult to talk about. Usually the little things will stay that way if you bring them up while they are still little.

There are some boundaries I would like to suggest for your daily conversations. One is that you set a time limit if you need to, at least 30 minute or more. If something comes up, and you find that you don't have the time to discuss it as deeply and thoroughly as you need to, schedule another time, within the next 24 hours, when you can have more uninterrupted time to discuss and process the issue. Another suggestion is to have your daily conversation some time during the day and not before bed. It’s great to talk before bed, but leave your “hot topics” and problems for the daytime conversation. Typically the "hot topics" are work, money, the kids and any other problems. I also suggest that you face one another, have eye contact, even holding hands sometimes if that feels good. Another really important thing about this conversation is that you each let the other finish completely, without interrupting. And finally, speak lovingly, from the heart to one another.