Does it have enough detail? Does it make a point?

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Relaxation and peace of mind are things that I experience when I’m with my Grandma. Not only does she comfort me with remarkable stories from back in the day, but she’s constantly giving me positive insight on how to handle things in today’s twisted generation. My grandmother Andria is definitely an inspiration to me and I cherish her with all my heart. When I was a little girl, I noticed that my Grandmother was unique in her own little way. Standing at 4”11, this pint size ball of energy was always willing to give and help out complete strangers that would shyly wonder around her mini grocery store. Giving out food and money was her passion; for she felt sympathetic for those she saw struggling to make ends meet. In her soft, gentle voice she would always tell me,” that no matter how scruffy or dirty someone may look, offering your help can save that person’s life.” I was always inspired on how strong willed my grandmother was. No matter how angry or distraught someone made her; there was always a smile from ear to ear on her slender, bony face. Church was extremely important to my grandmother. Every Sunday there she was, in the second pew, thirty rows from the back, patiently waiting for church to begin. I remember holding her tiny hands; rough like cardboard as she silently sang hymns under her breath. Her soft, coco brown hair fell just above her bony shoulders. Thin like sting it glistened in the sun. Wrinkles laced her olive white face and her eyelashes stuck straight out like sticks. I remember being young and standing next to her tiny frame thinking that one gust of wind could send her flying to the last pew in the church. As I touched her fragile skin I noticed how easily irritated and breakable it became. She would often close her eyes before leaving church and say a quiet prayer for protection over loved ones. Everyday I learn something new and meaningful from my Grandmother. Thoughtout the many years of spending time with her I’ve learned how grateful I am to have such a loving, generous Grandmother. She has shown me what it means to be a caring person and to give to those who have nothing . I love my grandmother and will always look up to her.

See example:

Every Sunday there she was, in the second pew, thirty rows from the back, patiently waiting for church to begin.

1 answer

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Rebecca, this forum is for questions & answers about grammar usage. We don't edit or critique large bodies of work. Even if we did, the answer to your first question can only be answered by someone who has a clear understanding of the purpose of the writing. "Enough detail" is very subjective. If it is for a class, carefully read the assignment for direction. If it is unclear, ask your teacher to give you more direction. For your second question, pretend you are the intended reader. Will your teacher think it has a point?