Writer

From January, 2017

It’s common to hear about child stars that became famous before they were ten years old and end up spreadeagled in front of a Hollywood nightclub a decade later, cameras shoved in their faces, bleached hair extensions clinging to them for dear life. Breakdowns and hot messes are so common that when a child star…

Help me out here, internet. I just called a grotesque lump of Play-Doh “beautiful” and she didn’t give me head. I don’t know what to do! I am such a good person. I mean, holy shit. I’m a saint! I just told this totally ugly fat chick that she’s beautiful. I’m totally getting into heaven. So why wouldn’t this fat fucking bitch blow me? She was sitting at the bar, taking up a decent amount of space with her gigantic ass. She was with her friends, all of them thinner than her.Obviously she was the easiest target for me because her thin…

There are some people you just can’t break up with. You know the ones: they won’t take a hint, they’re going through a major life trauma and you’re the bad guy if you dump them, they’ve got dirt on you and have a petty streak, etc. Sometimes you want them to dump you because all of the bad stuff is on their end, and if you dump them you become the bad guy and no siree, they are the bad guy and you want the world to know it! My boyfriend and I are the result of a failed “How…