Pro Tips: How To Win Back Your Man

Did you recently break up with your beau and now insist on getting back together? Here are 9 surefire ways to win back your man. Click here for more “Pro Tips.”

1. Take personal time to do some soul-searching, preferably in front of a bowl of lettuce. Reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, how it wasn’t your fault at all and how fixing it is somebody else’s problem. Then, make a salad.

2. Ask yourself, “Do I really want this person back?” If you’re not sure, make a pros and cons list. Then, throw away the cons list. That’s what we call, “harnessing the power of positive thinking.” You’re welcome.

3. Improve your self-esteem by changing up your look. A fresh haircut, a few new outfits and a series of expensive cosmetic surgeries will make you feel like a brand new person.

4. Start a relationship with yourself. You can do this by creating a fake Facebook profile of a man much better-looking than your ex and indicating that you two are “in a relationship.” To add mystery, go with “It’s complicated.”

5. Let him see that you can have fun without him. Hang out with your friends exclusively in locations that your ex frequents. Gesture wildly, as if you’re making great points. Make sure he sees you throw your head back with laughter approximately every 3-5 minutes.

6. Actions speak louder than words. Instead of just telling him how much you’ve changed, show him by presenting a detailed PowerPoint presentation at his place of employment.

7. Make him feel special. Before you invite him over, buy his favorite foods, rent his favorite movies and redecorate your home to look like an exact replica of his childhood bedroom. You might need to contact his mother for exact details.

8. Then again, don’t try too hard to get him back. Let him come to you by only texting him to tell him that you’re NOT thinking about him. Confused? Don’t worry, he will be too.

9. Now it’s time to “rope” him in. You know, really “lasso” him to you. Don’t just “string” him along or you’ll never be able to “tie the knot.”