Friends: The One with the Savile Row Suit

A banquet proves Dave's undoing in the latest episode of our Westminster
sitcom

“Now, sir, that really does suit you,” said Nigel Tweedling of Shearsley & Tweedling of Savile Row, as he chalked out the ticket pocket line in Dave’s new tailcoat. “Say farewell to embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions for ever.”

“It wasn’t really my fault,” said Dave, fingering the buttons of his Boden “Rural Minibreak” shirt as he stared at the mirror in Downing Street’s white drawing room. “Those stud things – they just pop out at the wrong moments.”

“Has Sir owned a tailcoat before – or just rented?” asked Tweedling.

“I’ve always rented,” said Dave, blushing a little. “Well, I had to wear one at school sometimes – and then there was this club at university where you very occasionally wore a funny sort of fancy dress.”

“I must say, Sir seems very at ease – almost as if you’ve never been out of one,” said Tweedling, fondling a bolt of 12oz, midnight blue, baby-otter underfur. “Might I suggest that it would go extremely well with the otter cummerbund?”

“Hmmm – go easy on the semiaquatic mammal accessories, would you, Tweedling?” said Dave. “I don’t want it to look too, well, exclusive. In fact, is there any way you could tailor it to look as though it’s off-the-peg?”

“A most unorthodox request, Sir, if you don’t mind my saying so,” said Tweedling. “But then again, we had a similar request from a gentleman down at City Hall. Wanted us to build him a suit that looked cheap and ready-crumpled. A most amusing gentleman – small, rotund, blond mop of hair. I believe he is in much the same line of business as yourself – have your paths crossed?”

“I think I’ve come across him once or twice,” muttered Dave, the colour draining from his face.

“Oh darling, what do

you think?”

Dave did a vigorous Strictly Come Dancing twirl, as Sam and George entered the room.