Just honestly answer these
very realistic questions and find out how you rate on the
smoothest scale of all time. Unlike the SAT, you should guess on
ones you're not sure of.

1) When arranging a date with a lovely lady,
you feel the best way to romance her is to:

A: Meet her at the Bus stop
B: Pick her up in
your '82 GMC Custom Van, but make her sit in the back with Murdock
C: Make her pick up
some Colt 45 and Chinese food on her way over to your place;
spend entire evening making out on the couch.

2) You are at a movie theater with your lady
and a loud gentleman behind you is annoying your girl. What do
you do?

A: Do nothing, sweat profusely
hoping she doesn't ask you to intervene
B: Move to other seats
C: Look around in an annoyed
fashion and sigh, hoping he gets the hint
D: Turn around,
growl at the man, and pummel him like you did Sylvester
Stallone in Rocky 3
E: Inform your lady
that the movie "isn't the real entertainment here"
and proceed to make out for the rest of the show

3) Your lady informs you that she wants to
see other people, how do you respond?

A: Curl up in the
fetal position and cry
B: Find out who these other suckas are, track them down and
bounce them off telephone poles
C: Inform her that
you were never even dating and then make out with her,
thereby assuring her loyalty to you

4) When something surprises you in front of
your lady, what do you say?

A: "I just wet
my pants!"
B: "Fool! You
ever sneak up on me again and I'll punch you in the
throat!"
C: "GodDAMN!
That's some good Colt 45!"

6) You are at a restaurant with your lady
and you see a man shouting at his date at the next table; Do you:

A: Ignore it and try
to enjoy your meal
B: Shout "I
hate suckas that disrespect women and children!" and run
over to the table and dance on the guy's head like Michael Flatley, but a lot tougher
C: Stroll over to
the table, hit that cat over the head with a bottle of Colt
45 and spend the rest of the evening alternating between your "old" lady and your
"new" lady

7) What works every time?

A: St. Ides
B: Beating up fools
in order to save an old folks' home
C: Colt 45

9) Suppose a co-worker lies to your boss
about you, costing you a valuable raise, do you:

A: File a complaint
with your boss
B: Grab him by the
ankles and slam him into a tree like a baseball bat
C: Seduce his wife

10) Which best describes your hobbies?

A: Collecting Barbie dolls and
comic books
B: Welding, driving vans,
ridiculing the insane, and throwin' suckas!
C: Lounging with
some Colt 45, making out with lovely ladies and dealing with the Empire