Let me be really clear in this, though I know I am risking a Footloose dance-a-thon/ass-whipping in saying it: West Side Story does, in fact, rock... but only if you're a pre-adolescent chick.

What's next, Chi? You going to tell us all where the rain in Spain mainly falls? You going to ruin the ending of all those Nancy Drew mysteries? You going to launch an evil attack on Cox cable that blocks the Lifetime network from broadcasting into our homes?