3. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

4. There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

5. When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. When Vin Diesel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

7. On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

8. Whenever Vin Diesel plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

9. Vin Diesel's orgasm leaves an exit wound.

10. Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before Vin Diesel made it his bitch.

11. Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

12. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Vin Diesel."

13. Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."

14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

15. Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

16. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

17. Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

18. When Vin Diesel put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it."

19. All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant.

20. Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".

21. When Vin was asked why he never goes to the bathroom, he replied, "What happens in Vin Diesel, stays in Vin Diesel."

22. Vin Diesel's blood type is WD-40

23. Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.

24. Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round,

27. Vin Diesel actually has hair, but it's beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart.

28. Vin Diesel became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

29. Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

30. Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

31. Getting murdered by Vin Diesel counts as a natural cause of death.

32. Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Pardon my French" after picking up a French man and using him like a bat to club people.

33. When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.

34. As Vin Diesel approaches zero, zero runs like a little bitch.

35. Circles exist because Vin Diesel beat the crap out of some squares.

36. You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

37. Vin Diesel is the SI unit used to measure fear.

38. Every Christmas, Vin Diesel dresses up in red, climbs down chimneys, and steals children to work in his salt mines.

39. Vin Diesel was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his bitch.

40. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give Vin Diesel a fish and he'll stuff it up your ass and skull-fuck your daughter.

41. Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.

42. Vin Diesel survived abortion.

43. Vin Diesel takes the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" literally. He once ate Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Russel Crowe in one meal.

44. Santa Claus actually did exist until he forgot to give Vin Diesel the entire Hardy Boys collection series for Christmas.

45. Vin Diesel can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

46. If Vin Diesel was an ice cream flavor, he'd be Mint I'll-Smash-Your-Face-In-With-A-Shovel.

49. The book "Wost Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck."

50. As part of his morning routine, Vin Diesel stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances.

51. When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

52. There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.

53. The French did not send the Statue of Liberty to the United States as a sign of peace. They just wanted to see if Vin Diesel could fuck a 300 foot tall copper woman.

54. Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

55. The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create Vin Diesel. The government omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival nations could make their own Vin Diesel.

56. Vin Diesel invented the spanish language because he liked the word "pantalones" and needed a language to use it in context.

57. Vin Diesel has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead.

58. Vin Diesel doesn't use sunblock; the sun wears Vinblock.

59. And on the Eighth day, God created Vin Diesel...and ran the fuck away in fear of what he had done.

60. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach Vin Diesel to fish and he will rid the ocean of all perceivable life forms.

61. Vin Diesel irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

62. A few people can lift Thor's hammer, but Vin Diesel's the only one who can beat Thor's ass with it.

63. Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow.

64. Vin Diesel is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

Last edited by Jerbasio on Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:09 pm; edited 1 time in total