GunOta 53

Chapter 053 – The Wash Toilet

Snow, Chrisse, and I rented a single house for us to live in.
It took about a week for the inspections, repairs, and legal procedures to be completed before we received the key.
In the meantime, as we were so busy, we decided not to take on any quests.

If we took on quests while we’re limited on time, we might make mistakes due to being restless over our new lives. So, we decided not to do anything dangerous until we finished moving and have settled in.

Then there were the preparations for the move.
Snow and Chrisse were busy choosing furniture and wares for the house, as well as preparing for the party to celebrate our move and new life.

Chrisse was planning on bringing a variety of books from her parents’ home. In particular her most cherished book, the fitst book she had ever bought; It was a picture book about heroes and demons, she carefully packed it.

The only guest coming is Meiya.
We have only a few acquaintances here in the Dragon Continent.
I tentatively invited the Adventurers’ Guild onee-san receptionist, but…

“This is one of those ‘Sharing of Happiness’ things, riiiiiiight. AAAaaAAAaAH! I WanT tO gEt MaRrIeD TOoooOOoo!”

She roared at me.
I apologized to her and hurriedly left the Adventurers’ Guild.

Then Meiya and I stopped our studies and R&D, and devoted ourselves to making wares for our new life.

For the first time in this world, I have my own house.
There is something I absolutely want to make for that.

The thing I wanted to make was…. a toilet with a bidet—a Wash Toilet.

It’s indecent to say, but in this world, the ones they mainly used are basically holes in the ground. Large leaves were sold in bunches as toilet paper.
The texture was like, seriously, WTF.

The Meiya residence, the Vlad house, and the orphanage all had holes-in-the-ground…. I can’t stand them no matter what.

Each time I finished doing a #2 and wiped my butt with leaves, I could feel my SAN points being whittled down.

The toilet back in my previous life was a wash toilet.
Because the one in my parents’ home was one of those, I asked the installers to have one installed the day I moved out.
The feeling, and a sense of cleanness!! That forbidden fruit which you can’t forget once you’ve tasted it!

So I’m making it!
A toilet equipped with a bidet!

I’ve already ordered the toilet’s body.
One made of white porcelain.

Toilets are almost always made of porcelain, even in my previous world.
I read somewhere that if some other material was used, it wouldn’t go down as well.

Next is the wash toilet’s structure.
In Thailand, in the previous world, it seems they used a hose to directly wash the butt.
But as expected, I prefer Japanese-style wash toilets.

I’m making the nozzle to be able to positioned as I liked, through the use of a rotating lever.
The structure itself is not so complicated.
For materials I used magic liquid metal.

The problems are how to warm the water, and how to make it spray from the nozzle.

The wash toilets in my previous world have two ways to warm up the water.
One’s that keep the water temperature constant; the [Heat Preserving Type].
One’s that instantly heat up the portion of the water that is about to be used; the [Instant Heating Type].

The way to make the water spray out is simple, through using pistons with a motor, water can be pushed into a pipe.

If this was a world without magic, it would probably be a pipe dream to make a wash toilet without electricity or motors. However, this world has magic; it has magic stones!

These two problems are solved usingmagic stones.
With magic stones that manipulate water and fire, these problems are not hard to solve.

I promptly ran towards the magic stone shop in town.
The inside of the store was decorated with showcases, like in a jewelry store.
The middle aged man who manages the store easily noticed me and started a conversation.

“Welcome to our store, Lute-sama.”
“Good day to you—wait, how did you know my name!?”
“Because you are the teacher of the magic stone princess Meiya-sama. It is common sense for us magic stone shop owners in this town to watch her every move.”

The small male shop clerk put on an amicable smile.
That’s Meiya for you, having so much influence due to being a celebrity.

(But it’s convenient. This way I won’t get sold inferior goods or get lied to about the prices.)

If he did that and Meiya found out, he will lose his place in the Dragon Continent.
The risk is too high.

I promptly consulted with the small, kind-looking shop clerk, and had him show me some appropriate magic stones.

“I’m looking for water magic stones and fire magic stones.”
“I see, water magic store to equip on armor, and fire magic stone for a sword, right.”
“No, that’s not it. I wanted water magic stones to control water to wash my butt. The fire magic stone is used to warm that water up.”
“Huh?”
“No, well, I wanted to build some equipment to wash my butt after I’m done using the toilet with water and fire magic stones. I wonder what magic stones are suitable for that?”
“…… Are you making fun of me?”

The expression on the shop clerk’s face changed.
His earlier, kindly smile totally changed into a stern look, laying bare his hostility.

“You may be an amazing guy, being Meiya-sama’s teacher. You probably could send me to despair without so much as moving a finger. But let me tell you this: I have pride in my work of managing this magic stone shop! And you say things like washing your butt!? Please stop making a fool out of me! Get out! There are no magic stones here for you!”
“P, please wait! Washing your butt with water really does feel good! Even more so when it’s warm water! It’s a revolution that will change the world! Please believe me!”
“Hey! Get out! Didn’t I tell you already, I’m not selling you any magic stones!”
“It’s the truth! The butt! The butt really feels good!”

But the male shop clerk did not listen to my pleas, and drove me out of his store.
What I saw reflected in his eyes in the end was genuine anger.

It’s not his fault, though.
Washing your butt with warm water after using the toilet—the idea of a wash toilet itself was way too avant-garde for this world to understand.
If he experienced it firsthand I’m sure he will shed tears of happiness at how wonderful it is!

I hardened my heart and swore that I will definitely finish the wash toilet.Then I will have him use it and feel its magnificence!

I went to another magic stone shop and bought a gold coin’s worth of fire and water magic stones while keeping silent about their use.

I returned to Meiya’s residence with the magic stones in hand.
I set to work making the wash toilet, borrowing the strength of the magic stone professional Meiya.
I thought it might be fine if it’s her, but since there was a possibility she’d become enraged like that magic stone shop owner, I was deliberately cryptic about its use, and explained that I want to shoot warm water through a pipe.

Happy being depended upon with magic stone work, she gleefully cooperated.

“You want to draw magic runes around the water tank so the water would shoot through the pipe, right.”
“Then I want to heat that water with magic stone so it becomes warm. Can you draw the warming magic runes on the pipes?”
“Of course! With magic stones this size bringing the water to boil would only take a moment.”
“Er, you don’t have to make it boil. Just make it as warm as bathwater if you can.”

“Is that so… then we need to put in a limiter as well, for safety.”
“Can you do that?”
“Yes, of course I can.”
“Great, then add the limiter as well.”

Meiya started working according to my instructions.

For several days, Meiya and I devoted ourselves to making the wash toilet.
We made the pipe so it could be brought in and out by hand through the use of a handle to adjust its positioning.
The regulation of the water current is made possible by magic runes carved on the exterior of the tank.
Heating runes were drawn on the unexposed portion of pipe to make the water warm.
It became, in terms of the wash toilets of my previous world, an [Instant Heating Type] toilet that heats up only the portion of water that was going to be used.

The water and fire magic stones were installed together with the handle on the wall.
When both magic stones are touched, and the startup spell is chanted, the water flows, gets warmed up and shoots out.

If you don’t want warm water, you simply touch only the water magic stone and chant the spell.

When the magic power runs out, the stones can be replaced or charged again and reused.
It was quite eco friendly.

The cost for me and Meiya to make the alternate-world-style wash toilet this time is… Magic stones × 2, nozzle, western-style toilet bowl, materials for other necessary gimmicks—all in all, we spent 3 gold coins (about 300 000 yen).

The house we leased cost 5 silver coins per month.
It was six months’ rent.

As for the wash toilets in my previous world, there were ones that cost 300 000 yen if it was one of the more expensive ones.
Because I was making it in another world, that price isn’t too much.

I told my two wives about the cost and what I used it for, and….

“Lute-kun was like that with the handguns as well, but you sure are passionate about strange things.”
[Oniichan, you shouldn’t be too wasteful with money, okay?]

I kind of got treated like a kid without common sense.
It’s fine. Once they experience the wash toilet, they’ll definitely come to realise its splendour!

Wash toilets are the true forbidden fruit!
A devilish tool that will always hold you captive after you experience it!
I can say with confidence that no matter the world, there is no person that can turn their back to its magnificence!
Feel free to experience the dreadfulness of the ultimate weapon developed in Galapagos Japan.

I pictured the writhing forms of the girls taken captive by the wash toilet, and silently smiled to myself.

And like that, the newly rented house was fully furnished with the Lute-model wash toilet.

Below is a side story. The reactions during the use of the wash toilet.

Bidet is basically the divine tool of enlightenment. It is the backbone of our civilization, and without it our reasoning will collapse. Any barbaric nation without at least a handheld bidet is uncivilized and bound to doom.