All posts tagged understand

You worry about us while I worry about you My wounds have mostly healed Yours, are still unfairly new

Still vulnerable, still susceptible, Still affected by so much Bruised around the edges Still tender to the touchMemories, there on the wall Reminders, flashing on the screen Taking you back to a hurt that never should have been Pictures and question marks Still images, still fresh Years of mixed emotions, rubbing against your flesh The occasions, the situations With family, with friends The sudden jolt to your system When some of your past attends Incessant and intrusive probing Concerned people, hassling you The pangs from a harsh reality, that may or may not be true
Occasional reminders,
that prick you like a pin
Sharp and pointed circumstance
Jabbing at your skin Rumours, and stories that swirl Of others, going through the same Open secrets and indiscretions The deflecting of the blame Sad and similar symptoms, that you reluctantly understand Taking you an unhealthy distance from the life that you had planned

You worry about us and I worry about you This is what I can see This is all I can do

There is pain that I recognize Sore spots, we have both got Other aches, I can understand
Worse ones, that I cannot
Nights, together in your home
Putting myself in your place
Hours, rapt deep in our conversation
Moments, spent lost in your face
The nuances of your smile
The emotions, found in your eyes
A shimmering well of melancholy
behind a wavering disguise
The sharp, cruel jabs of pain,
that stab your heart like a knife
The tears, that occupy my mind,
as we sit, surrounded by your life
Yet, there is no place I’d rather be
There with you, trying to comprehend
Distracting you and laughing with you
As your partner, as your friend
Taking you to a fun and happy now,
And sitting beside you there
Giving only me, and who I am,
In every minute that we share
Knowing, I have zero urge to sit
where someone else has sat
That I am one hundred percent yours
That I can promise you that
I have my steadfast morals
I have my own unique charms
I have this love for you,
and I have two strong arms

You worry about us I worry about you I promise you my honesty That is the most I can do

We looked mostly straight ahead,the first time we met Walking, and small talking, already at ease, as I got to my car Yet, within the messages, that lead us to that point,I knew the enormityof getting that far

No sense of hasteas we leisurely walk Steadily paced in time and talkSelf discovery, together,
with no real clockFeeling more familiar with every block

We have picked up the pace, as we’ve moved along Both ready and content to be moving on Putting miles, and smiles, between us and the past The more we’ve walked The further we’ve gone

Continual but careful steps,on a path to each other, Patience, and anticipation, for what we have in storeSo far, so very good, for us, From nerves and hesitation, to comfortable conversations, to moments meant for more

Nights plannedfor more time aloneAs we delve, we understandour shared unknown Time well spent, together,
we can call our ownHand around hand, in our comfort zone

Everything, and time, plenty for us to discoverOur subtle intricacies,strides for you with meWalking and talking, as we ease into us,Heading toward whatever, whenever that may be

“So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light…Just promise me we’ll be alrightBut the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blueBut we’ll live a long lifeAnd the ghosts that we knew will flicker from viewAnd we’ll live a long life”‘Ghosts That We Knew’– Mumford & Sons

PastI took a chanceand let you into my heart. I let all of my feelings show. Uprooted my life, for me and you, but little did I know.

I discovered your wounds, written in your own words, there, for anyone to see. Cuts and bruises, vital accumulation, scars, that you never showed me.

The breadth of your struggles, so much I didn’t know, spread across my screen. Instead of in my mind. Instead of in my heart, where they should have been.

I took your determination, for never again, as a personal affront. Your learned defensive posture as harsh belligerence, you just being you, being blunt.

I would have tried harder to let you speak to me, to let your words get through. I could have helped you confront your demons, instead of confronting you.

It became impossible to live with you when you wouldn’t let me in. Hard for us to start over, with nowhere to begin.

Had I only known the slippery slope of dealing with your past.
Known that I would struggle
to wade through the depths
and dangers of your doubt. I still would have wanted you. I still could have loved you. I would have understood. I could have pulled you out.

I chose the challenge, and gave you my heart.Let all of my feelings show. Uprooted my life, to be with you, but little did I know.

If only I had known,
I could have earned your trust.
I would have opened up my mind.
Instead, I read of our demise, determined before we met, by those you left behind.Takers, martyrs, bullies, sad and hurtful people, there on my screen. Instead of in our talks. Instead of in my thoughts, where they should have been.

Until I read it,
I never once heard you
refer to your mother as Mom. In fact, I barely knew where all of the hurt
and resentment were from.

Never could I picture, you,
together with your ex. Made no sense to me at all. And, until I read the name, typed in bold hostility, I had never heard of Paul.

Bitterness and bravado. Broken pieces of the past, clenched inside your fist. Our time, our spirit, spent fighting with your ghosts. One more added to the list.

It’s tough to share with someone who barely gives. Hard to live with someone who reluctantly lives.

Had I only known the bleak history of your emotional pain. The depths to which those before me had sunk inside your mind. I still would have wanted you. I still could have loved you. I would have understood. I could have been more kind.

Fortitude
From father to father,
and friend to friend,
I send you thoughts
I can barely comprehend.

I have been reticent and respectfully hesitant to send my thoughts, any thoughts, your way. Because, for the first time, perhaps first time ever, I simply could not find
any words to say.

After laboured rumination, days spent distracted, with all of your family weighing on my mind, feeling extremely selfish and somewhat irresponsible, I will attempt to expressthoughts I’ve managed to find.

As a distant friend it would be remiss, and inadequate, to send you my love. If I was a believer I could send a prayer, deferring my sentiments to someone up above.

I have no wisdom to pass on to you, no innate answers that I can honestly give. It’s an experience that I have never had, and one, that no one should ever have to live.

You already know we send our condolences, and we know you have family for a comforting hug or a soothing kiss. So, as my tear touched sentences gain their momentum, the least that I can do is to let you know this.

We have read the resilient words that you have shared, have great respect for your fortitude in the face of such pain. We’ve seen the positive approach that you have displayed, the cascade of beautiful memories
and there affirming refrain.

Pictures of a young life well-lived, always to the fullest, by a vibrant young man who seems exceedingly wise. Smiles and great experiences, friends and family, and life,images of dedication, and pride, seen through his father’s eyes.

We admire, from our distance, your immense courage, and resolve, as you lead by example,
for those also exceedingly sad. The best representation of a parent and a dedicated husband, the brave face of a grieving family, the embodiment of a caring Dad.

Seeing this fortitude in you provides us all with inspiration, with the stark realization that we must cherish every day. And, what I realize now is, that the most important thing, is not what we have to offer you, but rather, what we can take away.

Thinking of your love, and loss makes me want to give my all,recognizing a perspective that I should have embraced before. When I see your stance, representing such strength, I am inspired to be stronger and to love life just that much more.

Whenever I get down I will climb right back up, look at my little problems with the appropriate perspective. Will take the time to notice the warmth that surrounds me, to understand how lucky I am, whenever I feel reflective.

Every time I feel the impulse I will give my daughters a hug,holding on to it, and them, just a little longer. I will tell them, far more often, just how much I love them, with a renewed certainty, which is just that much stronger.

And, I will never use distance as a lazy, convenient excuse, because when time is so tenuous, it should never be a bother. This is a promise I intend to keep, in honour, of both you and your son, as I draw upon your fortitude to be a better friend, and father.

Father to father, and friend to friend, my words barely touch the respect that I send.

I used to read the paper every single day.Some days now, I see it and I back away.
It’s tempting to hide during times like this
With the blind hope that ignorance is bliss
In Canada it seems easier to smell the flowers
But that stench in the world is also ours
It’s both nauseating and difficult to understand
And it tempts you to bury your head in the sand
News, however is virtually impossible to ignore
With so many reasons and sources to explore
It’s often both sickening and sensational
Equal parts excruciating, and conversational
Scorching headlines that intensify our thirst
Multimedia reminders of all of the worst
‘The War on Terror, and ‘The War on Drugs’
Suicide bombers and twice-escaping thugs
Al Qaeda, the Taliban, hate and terror schemesReligion and the self-righteous, taken to extremesISIS, FARC, GMO, and the NRAAcronyms putting people into harm’s wayAccidental shootings, mass crimesIgnorance, intolerance, a sign of the times
Homophobic opinion, transgender debates
Unconscionable policy in certain states
Disturbing views so easily found
Cavernous cracks in moral ground
Earthquake, tsunami, a tornado’s clout
Wild fires, record heat, and devastating drought
Nature’s anomalies, a tropical storm then a flood
Knowing, and cringing, while the ozone oozes blood
A world where oil is the most powerful king
And conservation and preservation don’t mean a thing
A world of archaic ideas, and misplaced priorities
Limited choices, and laughable authorities
With the threat of ever-hovering inflationAnd an idiot, vying to lead a nation

Reasons enough eh, to want to hideTo shut your door, and stay insideBuild your wall and let ignorance protect youThe election’s coming though, so you may not have to.

Standing trial in plain sight
and dominating my news
Rubbing it in the face
of my moral views
A defense of discredit
with the dirt that it spews
Spitting out the seeds
that a narcissist chews

Smooth talkertalking your wayAs much who you areas what you say

Squeaky clean persona,not what he seemsTaking his advantageto filthy extremes

Guilty in the court of perception, clear in the public eye Allegation after allegation and the numbers can’t lie Powerless victims to your privileged high Objectifying and brutalizing, then justifying why