Thursday, June 16, 2011

Happier on Days I Can Forget I'm Fat

They do happen, usually when surrounded by friends, and having some fun. I can touch the end of "normal", and when the weather is cool, my lungs are behaving, and I go to some small stores, and with the help of my hearing aid have fun conversations with my friends, life can look very bright. The other day, I was with my niece and nephew who I know love me, for who I am despite the weight. Fortunately I have many of those types of people in my life.

I believe one day when I am in heaven, that I will not be fat, and the body "will work" and I have prayed prayers to God--knowing that God would know all, and what I ate, and what I tried to do...

One thing I know I complain a lot about being fat, but this blog does deal with some hard issues admit that. Who can get cheery about being 500lbs? Its kind of like writing a blog on cancer, which I consider obesity at my heights to be an even worse disease in some facets. It may not be the cheeriest thing every minute. I know I am a person beyond the weight and do manage to get those times, where its not shoved in my face, where I can be a human being first, and thankfully have people in my life that treat me that way. Other parts of my identity, I do separate from being fat.

Its been a life long issue, some of the voicelessness concerns me. To my last day, I will know my body never operated normally and I see even when I sit next to normal thin women, I am not formed in the typical way [the size 13 feet and my giant head are sort of clues.]

But one can have things they are happier for, a free mind, intellectual interests, religious faith in God. The thing that worries me is how society is growing more harder on the fat, I do not think I am imaging this, I have seen some changes, even as I have grown older. Even as the numbers of fat people go up, the stigma seems to rise up as well. Some of us have to speak out even if its very very difficult. One thing many people my size go hide in the house even the ones that can breathe and walk and manage, due to stigma alone. I refuse to. The weather and lungs may keep me in on many days, but I won't walk with my head down, beaten down and shut down.

I was thinking about this the other day, thinking JUST LET ME LIVE, You do not have to remind me I am fat every other second. We know, we honestly do. Happiness in life is found outside of the weight prison. If I lose more good, but if I do not, then I do not want to be told I am a bad person. That number should only matter so much.

2 comments:

Why are people who get cancer always seen as saintly, but fat people as less than. I know a few people with cancer who are far from saintly. I would consider them reprobates. It's terrible it's getting so oppressive out there for fat people. It's like a spiritual war. Because we know some of it has to do with the wickedness of the people who control the food supplies and other things health related.

I believe they are fattening us up by design, a lot of the cancers are coming from toxins too. They want it oppressive as they fatten up the poorest people and shorten our life spans. I believe the "fat logic" term is meant to silence fat people and others who really talk about what is going on. It is a spiritual war.