Monday, January 31, 2005

My definition of the word is "to put up with". I tolerate my co-workers, the kids on the subway, tourists. Yet if you gave me a magic wand to make them disappear, oh those kids would be so gone, tourists too. It is a toss up for the co-workers because sometimes they do work and the product is decent, sometimes. But there are no magic wands to banish loud cell phone callers and obnoixous panhandlers, instead there is tolerance.
I tolerate these various things and people because it is the price of living in a free society. Cell phones are affordable, so people can have inane conversations on the bus or train. Children are free of fear and can move about independently on public transit, and so unsupervised they act as if they were raised in a barn. Panhandlers, the homeless (which they may or maynot be) are free from forced institutionalization. Freedom to ride the rails at any age, affordable phones, and freedom from the fear that anyone can lock you up in the looney bin is why I tolerate the things around me.
I have noticed in the current political and in my church religious atmosphere a misuse of the word 'tolerance'. It has become more than just "to put up with" it seems to mean "accept, validate, and support" which to me endangers identity. I am a Christian and I tolerate other faiths. I don't agree with them but I tolerate them as part of the social deal that I am free to worship and express joy in the Lord, when I cannot express my love of G-d freely, then the worth of tolerance is devalued. Please don't ask me to accept as a part of my faith aspects that go against it or weaken it.
I like Hari Krishnas. Had them on campus at UF. They had a big yellow house and sometimes I'd hear them come down the street.
Ching ching
Chingching ching
Ching ching
Chingching ching
Hari Krishna
Krishna krisna
Ram ....
They were cool. However I disagree with them theologically. No matter, they can minister in their way and freely express their faith. We all should be able to freely express our faith leaving from our own houses going down the street singing.
But I think I digress a bit.
Tolerance for me, at the most basic level means that the white supremist does not kill his African American neighbor or threaten him. He can ignore his neighbor. It is Catholics putting up with the Protestants and vis versa. It is tribe A puting up with tribe B. However such a peace is hard to maintain.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Ack.
I lost my post!
Anyways long story short, did not go to the Church of the Really Blonde People nor did I go to the Church of the Gay Lawyer. I celebrated mass at St. Mattress, more accurately I celebrated the 8:30 mass for shut-ins. Why? Have you looked outside? I ain't going out in that! Well, not until I have a hungering for a doughnut. I should hunger the body & blood of the holy sacraments, but, the sacraments where at least a 10 minute walk, doughnuts, 5 minutes tops. I am so going to hell.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

I'm a practicing Christian, and I hope one day that I will get good at it.
It dawned on me in church when I confused St. Peter with St. Paul and the fact I couldn't name all the apostles and what their main schtick was, that despite going to church off and on all my life I was a crappy Christian. But a Christian none the less. I have been baptized, I truly believe in G-d, and believe that he is a three in one deal of the father, the son, and the ever fuzzy catch all called the Holy Ghost. I believe that G-d is love. He loves us. He is powerful. However, I'm going with the loving G-d over the powerful G-d.
Now despite this belief, when it comes to practice, I could be better. Oh, really I suck. I could be more humble, less materialistic, less lustful in my heart, more obedient, and seek G-d more than I seek approval from the world. But I'm not. Only by the grace of G-d I hope to hang with him after I die.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Well I am back to shamelessly flirting with the Swede. I don't consider the Swede boyfriend or even potential husband material as he is much younger than me and seems kind of shallow. But as I have said many times, "Swedes are FUN!"
We had a semi-decent conversation this weekend. I even went to a group outing to be with him, but the way things worked out he sat at a different table and I was with Mike. Mike, I love Mike. Mike is my best friend and if I die, inherits the house, but that night Mike and I had way too much togetherness. The couple across from us mentioned we bickered like an old married couple. We have been mistaken as a married couple and a dating couple. We are not a couple, we are friends, who bicker. I think anyone who knows us know we are not dating.
Anyway, I do worry about the Swede. He seems isolated but maybe that's the shallow end of his life and it doesn't go deeper. I know there are people who adopt him during the holidays so he's not really isolated. Well I think I'll pray for the Swede today.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Okay well maybe I don't want this at Happy Spinster. I was thinking of another site to create. Oh, well let's see then shall we because what does being conservative on some things have to do with being a spinster? Not much.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

I was chatting last night with Jon about my decision to "not be a live in landlord" anymore. Jon quipped, "well in this point in your life you either want to live alone or live with someone you're romatically involved with."
Yeah, sort of. Well I don't want a live in boyfriend. I want to be married, but I'd rather be single than have this male thing sitting on my couch and living in my home and sleeping in my bed but not wed to me.
I'm going to take a nice little break and live alone. Then later I gather I might have someone in the house. Visiting scholars, I think, next time. They come to study, lecture, or whatever for a few months and they go away. But that's business. Nothing personal.
I think I swore to date last year. I went on 2 dates with one guy. Well I got a new friend (platonic) and a new church out of the whole deal. So no great loss. No great gain.
Who knows what I'll get this year.

Friday, January 07, 2005

I will admit I haven't seen the movie as my neighbor's review of it was more or less that it was bad. He liked the way the movie dealt with man on man love, but found the movie as a whole, a waste. I think Nora saw it as well, but a bootleg copy and her review related to the bad quality of the bootleg. Mark the Punk posted about Director Oliver Stone complaining that the fundamentalists are to blame because the movie is not doing well. No. Maybe. Just maybe. Conservatives are not to blame. Maybe, just maybe, it was a bad movie.

In movies like Dawn of the Dead and the even better Shaun of the Dead the dead come back and are almost always in a foul mood, why? Also they don't seem very bright but they can always find a way in to get you an try to eat you. There is another "why".
Strange, I think as I ponder the end of days, which because of the deaths related to the Boxing Day Tsunami a lot of people are talking about Revelations. The Tsunami to some, was a sign from G-d. No, to me it was just a Tsunami. But anyway, in Revelations the dead are to rise, well I hope they are in a good mood. Will the dead, raised up by my Lord & Savior, want to eat my brain? Wander the streets moaning?
Just one of those really stupid thoughts that cross my mind. It is better to ponder giving to help the Tsunami victims.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

I am lucky. I am single and own a nice little chunk of real estate in my own name. Right now that chunk has a blown fuse I'm not too keen on replacing, or investigating, or giving a hoot about.
Before buying the house I thought, for financial reasons, I would have to get married before I could afford a house. I thought I would never make enough money to buy a home on my own. Well due to some incentives from the city, and the Federal government and hitting the real estate market when it was just right I was able to buy my little homestead. The homestead mind you is a small 2 bedroom townhome one block from drug dealers.
I have managed so far. But homeownership is draining. It may help to have another person bearing the load of home repair, but even among the marrieds & coupled, I sense some fatigue. It's not just owning. It is the fixing because if it isn't one thing it's another and renting starts looking real good. Have someone else deal with the thing that goes wrong.
Now I was warned. That things would constantly break down, particularly in an older home like my 120 year old pile of bricks. I just wish I could pass the worry on to another person who has a vested interest in my house as I do. This is where being single has it's downsides.
Upside is that I was the sole decision maker on buying it and where. I make the decisions on the color of the house, what goes into the yard, how much of the yard is used for gardening and what have you.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Though I sympathize with the pro-lifers I find in my heart of hearts that I'm just pro-death. Not pro-abortion, but pro-death penalty, and pro-euthanasia. The unborn just don't move me enough and I prefer to be more consistent than anything else.
I grew up during the time a fair number of state sponsored executions in Florida. Bad people went to prison, really bad people got the chair. Ted Bundy was killed in Florida. Yes, innocents have probably been killed by the modern state. It is almost a given that thousands or millions of innocents have been killed by the state due to minor or major infractions committed or perceived to have been committed. Human sacrifices to the state and it's sense of wellbeing.
The curse of modern medicine is that it can leave us in stasis. In a coma where we might come out of it or not, it milks are hope for a better outcome. It can leave us to mimic life, breathing when it is the machine breathing. It keeps us bound to the earth a little bit longer. Maybe that time is put to good use, maybe that time is wasted, but it is time we never had before and these are heady questions.
consistency is my main thing and as I have grown attachment to the perceived safety of society in these human sacrifices the state brings out, I have picked death. I know death, it is ceasing to be. But life is trickier. What is it? When does it begin? How can you say an undeveloped fetus that could have a sliver, just a sliver of a chance of surviving a moment outside the womb is not alive when given a chance just might, just might, live? If the physical activities and the opportunities you once had and made you the person you are have been taken away due to illness, are you still alive?
The best answer possibly does not exist in enough abundance in me to give. The answer may be love. With love in your heart can you look at the mother, the potential child, the father and the community of which the child may be part of and come to a decision? Can you look at the murderer or treasonous traitor with love in your heart? The easy answer is a forgiveness that isn't guaranteed. What of the suffering who are dying or may die or desire to die so badly, what of them. With charitable love, what is the answer for them. The world of love is G-d and I live in the "real world" where there isn't enough love to give and people are hard and must make hard hurtful decisions. In this real world, there is lots of room for love, but not enough of it to fill it up.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Well for the handful of people who read my personal blogs and the somewhat least personal blog Happy Spinster is a different side of me. I figure I should have a place to run off and express some conservative thoughts. As of the writing of this post I have a slightly popular blog of In Shaw. But In Shaw is almost always about the neighborhood of Shaw and is apparently enjoyed by a wide audience. The other Happy Spinster on another web journal area of cyberspace, is for some friends held in common but the atmosphere is more liberal, and I choose to be more respectful of that space's current environment, even though I don't always agree with the ideas there.
This reloaded side is where I hope to work through some thoughts on religon, society, spinsterhood, dating and the lack of it and whathave you. As of this date I am just limiting comments to other Blogger members, simply because I am not in the mood to deal with all commers, my site, my ball, my rules. Also I hope to remain true to myself and I may find myself more conservative on some issues, liberal on others, libertarian or *gasp* green/socialist on others. If you disagree, that's fine. My goal is not to convince you that I'm right and you are wrong, because we both could be totally wrong. No it is just me, working out what it is that I believe.
Why keep the name Happy Spinster? 'Cause I bought the URL and dagnabit I'm gonna use it.