79 posts categorized "Family Life and Parenting"

November 16, 2015

Many couples that do Waldorf inspired homeschooling share similar values on education and adopting a Waldorf inspired rhythm to homeschooling. There are times, however, when one person "discovers" Waldorf and is determined to augment it into the family lifestyle, which often involves some changes in family dynamics. As families transition to a Waldorf homeschooling lifestyle, some of the issues surrounding TV and computer use, bedtime and mass market toys can come up for the couple. Sometimes, a spouse or partner readily agrees to these lifestyle changes; other times, it can be a source of friction for the couple and inevitably the family. Learning to work together as a team, even when the couple is not necessarily in complete alignment on these lifestyle choices, becomes an important factor in homeschooling success. It is challenging enough to begin a new homeschooling rhythm ; it is very difficult if spouses/partners are not supportive of each other's efforts. Here are some suggestions on "team building" between partners.

Good Communication: Make sure that each of you talk through the areas of concern about homeschooling and work to resolve differences. A common area of concern ( especially for some husbands) is that the child will not be " on par" with other children of the same age if the family adopts Waldorf homeschooling. I have had several consultations with husbands where most of the conversation involved answering the husband's reservations about homeschooling. My primary goal in that instance is to help a parent understand the developmental nature of the curriculum. A child may read a bit later in a Waldorf environment, or not focus on some of the same areas as a public school child, but there are good reasons for the layout of the curriculum based on the development of childhood. Once concepts like an imaginative immersion in a main lesson, or using a biographical approach to aspects of history are explained carefully, most concerns are resolved. Also, I have had the benefit of seeing my homeschooled children become young adults that attended college. This does help lend a certain credibility to my words!

Openness to new ideas: A couple in a Waldorf inspired homeschooling environment must learn to be flexible and to stay open minded. Sometimes it takes a little while for a family to see the results ( especially if a child has previously been in public school) of Waldorf homeschooling. Eventually, however, the proof is in the reactions and results observed in the children themselves. A sense of enthusiasm for learning, a joyful spirit of adventure, a relaxed, less hurried pace begins to be clearly observed in the children's behavior, which is reassuring to any parent. There is nothing like seeing the results of a lesson sink deep into the heart and mind of a happy child! It's important to give the family some time ( 1-3 months) to really allow these changes to take effect. Eventually, the creative, rhythmic nature of Waldorf homeschooling makes everyone feel more harmonious about the commitment to homeschooling. A young child may resist the restriction of TV time if he/she watched TV daily, but gradually, the busy and happy child creates a whole new rhythm and loses the need for this type of daily entertainment crutch.

Involvement of both partners in homeschooling: In many cases, only one partner (and often the mother) takes on the primary responsibility of homeschooling. At times, one parent has left a high paying job in order to devote more time to the family and homeschooling. In those instances, the other parent may feel more pressure to support and provide for the family and ends up working longer hours, often away from the home. Even in those instances, however, it is still important for both partners to be involved in the homeschooling process. One of the simplest ways to stay involved is to have the non-teaching parent review the academic work of the children. The way that we accomplished this in our family was by giving a special presentation to my husband after a main lesson. This involved not just showing our main lesson work, but giving demonstrations of mental math, memorized poetry, songs, puppet shows, arts and crafts, and trying to see if dad could answer our posed riddles! Dad was included in all festival celebrations and we made sure that a very special presentation was given at the end of the school year ( and sometimes half way through the year) that involved a longer presentation and a deliciously prepared meal or snack for him. As my children grew, I taught academic co-op classes, especially in History and English. We had quite an elaborate "Presentation for Parents" night where parents came to hear the children read from their main lesson work, attend one of our plays, see our arts and crafts, and learn in greater depth about all the work the group as a whole had accomplished. Each child contributed a dish to the event so we had wonderful pot luck suppers as a result. I remember one late afternoon when parents were coming to hear the co-op's Botany presentations. The children were still in my yard, finishing up their tree sketches. The parents were a bit noisy coming into the house so I got them to stop and just quietly observe their child at work. There was such a feeling of peace and reverence that came over the group as the parents quietly watched their children carefully finish their sketches in complete silence.

I wish you much success in building a successful homeschooling team as parents and a wonderfully warm and supportive homeschooling rhythm for your family! ~ Barbara Benson

Why is it important to instill a sense of reverence into our homeschooling daily life? Reverence is a fundamental " mood of the soul", a sense of love and devotion to knowledge and learning. As Rudolf Steiner noted in lecture 1 of the book, The World of Senses and the World of Spirit, without a feeling of first wonder and then reverence for the universe, our thinking cannot "penetrate to reality."

The young child is naturally reverent. A parent's ability to nurture and enhance this capacity for wonder and reverence is a key factor in the child's developing ability to lead a productive, harmonious everyday life. As a family, instilling a sense of reverence into our homeschooling and our family life allows all of us to express a harmonious daily rhythm and to develop our deeper sense of spiritual purpose as citizens of the universe.

Here are a few simple guidelines for developing a daily rhythm of reverence:

As we awaken to a new day, how we pass from sleeping to waking helps frame our day. As adults, we can do a brief meditation to greet the day and visualize our child and family moving harmoniously through the day. With our children, we can develop a conscious song or poem to help our child greet the day, or begin homeschooling.

In our daily household work life with our children, instilling an "attitude of gratitude" for our daily responsibilities is also important. Listening to, and relating to nature in a thoughtful and quiet way on daily walks also inspires reverence. Saying some form of grace or blessing at meals helps to instill reverence for the earth and gratitude for the food.

Of course, the more we can instill a sense of wonder and reverence for what we are working to teach our children in homeschooling, the more we will draw forth from them an enthusiastic response and a reverent attitude towards learning.

Most Waldorf inspired families know the importance of a smooth transition to a good night's sleep. Lighting a candle prior to telling a bedtime story instills a sense of calm and security to the child. A brief verse or prayer enhances the feeling of reverence for a day completed: " Goodnight Goodnight; far flies the light; But still God's love does shine above, making all bright; Goodnight, Goodnight." As we adults prepare for sleep, it is so helpful to visualize and bless our children, ask for guidance in nurturing them, and surround them with love. Let go of any sense of upset or inadequacy from the day, express gratitude for the day just past, and let sleep renew and revitalize you.

July 20, 2015

For the first time in 12 years of business, my lack of having a certificate from a Waldorf teacher training institute has been queried. How interesting this whole question is to me!

First, thank you to the homeschooling mother who raised the question – it is, from a certain point of view, an entirely valid concern. Unfortunately, it is a view that state authorities are increasingly taking with regard to Waldorf schools in many parts of the world. State authorities are presuming to be able to judge what makes a good teacher and what does not. Here we have a good example of the tension between that which is quantifiable in conventional terms (outcomes) and that which is something that has to be lived with, experienced and looked at in the light of each individual’s gifts and abilities. It is this latter view that has been the dominant one in Waldorf circles with regard to teacher training until fairly recently.

One might think this is surprising – surely Waldorf teachers have always been trained Waldorf teachers – yes, of course! But the idea of receiving training from a teaching course is relatively new. Until perhaps 20 years ago, the vast majority of Waldorf teachers were trained on the job, by their colleagues, in a living experiential way, with knowledge and meditive practice shared by colleagues whether one-on-one or in the course of teachers’ meetings. Training at a training college was seen as very much second best, not the proper way for someone to become a real Waldorf teacher at all. The ideal really was to become a teacher and at some later date, when one had real life experience under one’s belt, to possibly do a training to deepen what one already had.

Do bear in mind that when Rudolf Steiner began the first Waldorf school in Stuttgart, Germany in 1919, hardly any of the new staff were trained teachers (ie conventionally trained – which of course is a whole different kettle of fish). They came from all walks of life and were hand picked by Steiner on the strength of their inner qualities. His lectures to them, and the observations he shared with them based on his classroom visits were, by and large, encouragement to them to make anthroposophy a living force in their lives and out of that fount of wisdom, to hdevelop the inner resources to become good teachers. Personal qualities – attentiveness, ability to observe children, enthusiasm, patience – married to a creative/artistic approach to life were what was most valued.

Such attention to the inner lives of teachers at Waldorf schools was the modus operandi for decades. All those wonderful luminaries that Waldorf teachers and homeschoolers look to (Pat Livingston, Henry Barnes, Dorothy Harrer – all by the way, my teachers when I was a child !) did not become teachers at the first Waldorf school in the US, the Rudolf Steiner School in New York City, because of having certificates! It was who they were and what lived in them that enabled them to become Waldorf teachers. They then became leaders in Waldorf education because their inner qualities and their inner work married to their life long experience with children, enabled them to so shine.

What was viewed as most important was to have years of living experience in teaching children coupled with the colleagial support of other teachers in the circle of the faculty of teachers and College of Teachers, both of which have also been eroded by legalistic impingement over the years. The importance of the inner unquantifiable is no longer, in many circles, seen to be what is paramount.

And this is precisely the training I received. At the Sheffield Steiner school, at the Merlin Nursery (which I established), at the Ringwood Steiner School, at Pleasant Ridge Steiner school, at the Youth Initiative High School – on the job training, colleagial support and then maybe receiving a training from an institute, were what was valued most highly.

Over the years I often fretted over having not finished my training in the mid 1990s (with the amazing Brien Masters in London) – but I had good reasons to quit (one named Daniel, the other named Gabriel). And by the time life allowed me the time to finish teacher training at an institute, I had, to be honest, moved way past what would have been offered. I, frankly, could have run the training for others. This has been recognized again and again by other teachers, whether in the course of them asking for consultations from me, as colleagues, or as curriculum purchasers. You can go to our testimonials page and if you scroll way down, you will get to the section of testimonials from just a small selection of fellow teachers. People might also be interested to know that Floris Books, now the number one provide of English language Waldorf curriculum materials in the world, has asked me to create teacher’s versions of the Christopherus curriculum.

I should quickly add that I in no way am against the establishment of Waldorf teacher training courses. Many are absolutely marvellous, run by extraordinary people. But…the situation can arise again and again that a person completes such a course, has their certificate but….is not able to teach children. I have met many people who have such certificates and were told at the end of their course that yes, they passed the course but that they needed more real life experience before they could truly be called Waldorf teachers.

I leave it to you all to decide what qualifications you need from the writers of the curriculum materials you use. Feedback welcome in the comments section here on this blog!

July 08, 2015

This article first appeared in the Homeschool Journey newsletter, July 2004

About a week after I wrote the last newsletter, I realized that what I had written was potentially open for misinterpretation. I had written that although we do not formally “do school” during the summer, that my sons keep themselves busy by pretty much doing the same things which we do during the school year. I just wanted to clarify this because I want to be clear that I favor children taking a long break from school work and am uncomfortable with the idea of year-round school (and I say this carefully because I realize that many people do this!) The point is that my children, out of their own interest, do things like write short stories or read science books, activities which, if they were taking place in November or March, would be called ‘school’!

I think that it is incredibly important for children to have extended time away from academics, from the usual routine, from head learning (even with Waldorf, where there is a balance between intellectual, artistic and active learning). Summertime, at least where I live now and in New York where I grew up, is such a wonderful time to be outside, to play all day, to laze around. I remember each year returning to school after a long summer spent playing under open fire hydrants and exploring Central Park (not to mention the annual family vacation to Atlantic City) and seeing how everybody had changed! New haircuts and sun tans, scrapes and bruises accrued during summer adventures were all interesting enough, but it was also so exciting to see how everyone had changed physically! Both boys and girls were taller and thinner or heavier, more muscular, with longer limbs... It was wonderful to start a new year afresh surrounded by all these changes. Somehow it helped underline for us that we were no longer the 3rd, 6th or 10th graders we had been way back in May.

Such experiences are common in any country, in any school where there is a long summer break (or perhaps winter break in some parts of the world). But having gone to a Waldorf school, I was witness to another element: instead of the dread ‘summer loss’, we children were actually further along than we had been in the spring!

I always shake my head sadly when I hear or read of parents or teachers bemoaning Summer Loss. Bookstores and curriculum catalogs are full of workbooks and ideas on how to combat this feared - and apparently widespread - phenomena. It just seems so odd to me that, having experienced the opposite as a student, teacher and parent, no one in the mainstream educational establishment ever seems to ask the question of why, if children are being taught in the right way, that they forget everything during their summer break?! Surely something is wrong with the teaching if it doesn’t stick!

It seems to me that the obvious answer to the Problem of Summer Loss has to do with methodology that is not based on child development, which does not recognize and understand the whole child, and which does not, therefore, resonate in the very soul of the child being taught. Herein lies the strength of Waldorf education. By teaching the whole child, by uniting the artistic with the scientific and by engaging the hearts, hands and heads of each child, the learning process is so much deeper, more meaningful and longer lasting(!) than by more haphazard ways of teaching children.

As homeschoolers working with Waldorf, we can really fine tune this approach to learning and further strengthen it by adjusting it to the individual needs and interests of each of our children. We can throw in a dash of unschooling and relax a bit, confident that our children will learn and that spending a whole week building a tree fort may be just as important as learning multiplication tables at this point in our child’s life. And, with insight and observation, we may also see that by allowing our children to explore their interests and become completely absorbed in their various projects, that other areas of learning are also enhanced.

This is an important point and can only be understood if one takes a holistic view of learning. If learning is seen as linear, and as a series of merely quantifiable goals then such a statement is nonsensical. If, however, one views learning as a vast interrelated process which may certainly have goals but is also larger than the mere sum of those goals, then one can see how time building a fort can effect how a child can learn her multiplication tables or some other such skill.

So, to return to the question of taking a long summer break, this is one of the reasons I ask each parent to consider such a proposition - to leave school work aside for a good long time. Many homeschoolers have year-round schedules, with a period of weeks ranging from, say, 7 to 10 on and then a week off, throughout the year. I can see the attraction of such a schedule, but I’m not convinced.

By having weeks and months which are largely unscheduled, then children are free to explore their own interests. And this might take time. One might have to grit one’s teeth through several weeks of “I’m bored. There’s nothing to do” before the child allows the muse to speak to him, whispering hints of projects to create in the yard or all over the kitchen table. Or, that child might suddenly learn to read, finding it in herself to dig down deep enough to make sense of what seemed incomprehensible. For another child, long periods of “nothing to do” might become time to daydream, to imagine, to watch the clouds and create his own inner pictures and poetry.

We tend to be afraid of ‘nothing to do’, afraid of ‘the void’. Much of this , of course, has to do with our instant gratification society and our culture of shopping to fill our emptiness. Wouldn’t it be great to teach our children that there is no void, that we are never empty and that there is always something to do? By allowing them to face down their desires to be entertained and kept busy, we help them learn to cultivate their own inner resources and the richness of their inner life. Having long summer breaks certainly isn’t the only way to help children with this, but it is one obvious opportunity which presents itself to most of us.

* * * * *

The above wasn’t written with the idea of urging parents to not do anything at all together with their children during the summer! Rather, it is to urge parents to 1) consider taking a long break from school work; 2) to not fill up all that time with too many field trips, camps, enrichment programs and the rest; and 3) to think about doing some different things together, things you might not normally do during the school year. Here are a few ideas.

Try something different, some artistic expression which one hasn’t looked into before. Make papier mâché masks or puppet heads. Create costumes for the children or for the puppets and act out some of your favorite fairy tales or legends. A great (non-Waldorf) book to look into for inspiration is Adventures in Art: Arts and Crafts Experiences for 8-13 Year Olds by Susan Milord. It’s part of the Kids Can! Series, which generally I do not like at all, but this particular book has a lot of really great projects. Most public libraries carry it.

Take long non-directed unequipped walks in nature. Leave the binoculars, wild flower guides, nets and microscopes at home and just use your senses. Watch the tidal pool with just your eyes; smell and feel the wet trees; watch the birds or discover the flowers and just forget about their names for now; lie on your backs in silence and watch the clouds float by.

Similarly, take blindfolded walks through a wood or in a meadow. Those who are leading blindfolded partners have to be old enough to make this safe, but it can be a wonderful experience. Another variation is to blindfold several children and take each to a different tree. Ask each child to smell and touch her tree - to really get to know it. Then lead each child back again from the tree, spin each one around several times, remove blindfolds - and then each child has to find ‘her tree’.

Read aloud some different kinds of books, ones which you might not normally read. Explore mysteries, Westerns, adventure stories, biographies as well as collections of poetry or tales from other lands...

Do a family art project. Maybe get a really big stand-up loom and everyone take turns weaving on it. Or paint a mural on the side of your shed, garage or barn.

Make that tree house, chicken coop, rabbit hutch or playhouse you never got around to.

Find a local organic farm where you can pick berries or basil or tomatoes and learn how to make jam, pesto or tomato sauce.

Volunteer at a local beach or river clean-up project or desert restoration project.

But again, most of all, let the children dream, doodle and explore their own projects. Hint - it’ll go easier if you are absorbed in your own work and not apparently available to play with, entertain or read to!

Would you care to share your summertime activities in the comments below?

For years homeschooling parents using our Christopherus Syllabi have been asking for a planner and now we have one for you. With the help of Barbara Benson, Christopherus' Consultant, and Christopherus' Homeschool Journey readers (Thank You!!!) , Amy McGehee-Lee, homeschooling mom and owner of, Magic Hollow Etsy shop specializing in homeschool planners, has designed a planner that is uniquely tailored to be use with the Christopherus curriculum. It is an open ended tool for parents to use to organize and plan out their family's homeschool year. The complete planner comes to you as a .pdf so that you can pick and choose to print what you want to include in your personal planner.

We are giving away two of these beautiful planners (enter raffle below), but if you just can't wait another day, click here to order your planner today:

Components of the Planner:

Practical Planning Section – This is the how to section of the planner. It includes:

°excerpts from the planning sections in the Christopherus Syllibus addressing topics such as rhythms and schedules, seasonal festivals and schedules with siblings

°a step-by-step process, allowing you to see one way in which you can utilize the planner to assist you on your journey of creating a beautiful homeschool year

°examples pages of schedules, main lesson block order for multiple children, circle time, and main lesson and subject lesson details for multiple grades

Imagining Your Year Section – This is the section that allows you to begin laying out your year in a very simple and straightforward way. It includes:

°an academic year-at-a-glance calendar with a list of festivals commonly celebrated in Waldorf communities, along with their dates for the coming academic year

° month-by-month festival, birthday and family time planning pages

° a very unique week-by-week guide for laying out your main lesson blocks for multiple children

° an efficient system for listing all of your resources for each block and lesson

° yearly journaling questions that will help you bring your year into a space glowing with your highest

intentions

° a daily schedule worksheet that will assist you in finding your own daily rhythm that works for you and your family, using the natural rhythm of head, heart and hands.

The months August 2015 – July 2016 (a whole year) broken down into the weeks within each month. Each month includes:

° quotes from Rudolf Steiner, hand-picked for each month of the entire year

° articles selected from the Christopherus archives, to inspire and guide you at the beginning of each month

° a monthly calendar with plenty of space to pencil-in your own appointments, birthdays, playdate, etc.

° a monthly planning page to help you bring your monthly goals and challenges into sharp focus

° a new circle worksheet for each month

° a book list and supply list

° monthly journaling questions

Each week within the months includes:

° a reading list

° main lesson planning page, with the option of printing as many of these as needed (for multiple children in the grades)

° five daily sheets, with space to write down activities by the hour or half hour

° meal planning sheet with space for planning breakfast, snack, lunch and dinner for each week day, along with space to plan your weekend meals

° a weekend to-do list

° weekly journaling questions

Ongoing Lists and Notes Section – this is the last section of the planner

° a place to keep ongoing lists and ideas that you may not need right now, but want to remember for the future

Plus:

° beautiful, original artwork scattered throughout the planner!

° the planner is designed to be printed with ease; looks beautiful in black and white or color; print month by month or all at once, it’s up to you!

° beautifully designed Cover, with original artwork by April Azbill and Amy McGehee-Lee

We are giving away two of these beautiful planners. Enter below to win your very own copy.

July 01, 2015

I'm more then disappointed with California's recent passage of bill SB277. The law takes away the basic parental right of deciding what is right for their child if that child is enrolled in a public or private school. For now the law does not affect homeschooling families, but who knows for how long.

We as parents are our child(ren)'s guardians; protecting and shielding them from harm. I do not believe I can fulfill that sacred role if I have to succumb to a mandated law that demands that I subject them to compulsory vaccinations that will adversely affect their development be it physical, mental or spiritual.

Thousands of reported cases of debilitating illnesses and severe reactions after routine immunization are reported yearly and yet those reports largely fall on deaf ears with little being done to change the drugs or the administration schedule (the pharmaceutical lobby is powerful$$).

When my oldest son was a babe and I was a naive young mother, I started the immunization process. After his second MMR shot he couldn't hold himself up and in fact his whole left leg was paralyzed. Fortunately it was temporary,only lasting for a couple of days, but it was a wake up call for me and he nor his siblings were subject to those vaccinations again while they were young. When my daughter was in highschool the vaccine for HPV (Human papillomavirus) came on the scene. The rate of illness and severe reactions to this vaccine seems to be much higher than all the rest. Its a vaccine that bouts protection from HPV virus which could lead to cervical cancer even though most cases of hpv clear on their own. I am very thankful that I live in a state where we are still allowed personal belief exemptions to immunization and I was able to choose which drugs to have administered and when.

We as parents need to stay informed, to gather as much information as we can and then use that information in making the right decisions and choices for our children. For me that decision was to not vaccinate. It takes courage to go against the status quo, but then as a homeschooler and a Waldorf homeschooler at that I think I might be preaching to the choir!

Here is an article Donna wrote in 2005 after there was an outbreak (several cases) of whooping cough in our small community: On Illness, Fear and Time

Below is an article that ran in the Independant on June 1, 2015 about Emily and Caron Ryall's unfortunate story that unfolded after Emily's routine school vaccination. To read the story on The Independance site click HERE

When Caron Ryalls was asked to sign consent forms so that her then 13-year-old daughter, Emily, could be vaccinated against cervical cancer, she assumed it was the best way to protect Emily’s long-term health.

Yet the past four years have turned into a nightmare for the family as Emily soon suffered side effects. Only two weeks after her first HPV injection, the teenager experienced dizziness and nausea.

“The symptoms grew increasingly worse after the second and third injections, and I went to A&E several times with severe chest and abdominal pains as well as difficulty breathing,” Emily, now 17, said. “One time I couldn’t move anything on one side of my body. I didn’t know what was happening.”

Emily is one of the thousands of teenage girls who have endured debilitating illnesses following the routine immunization. She is yet to recover and has no idea when her health will return to normal.

Prior to the vaccination Emily had an ‘unremarkable’ medical history with no problems,” said Mrs Ryalls, 49, from in Ossett, West Yorkshire. “She was considered very healthy and represented the school at hockey, netball, athletics and was a keen dancer. She was also a high achiever at school, in the top sets for everything and predicted at least 10 GCSE with high grades. Her future was very bright.”

Mrs Ryalls reported Emily’s condition to the Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA). In the 10 years to April this year the agency received almost 22,000 “spontaneous suspected” adverse drug reaction (ADR) reports in 13 routine immunization categories including flu, MMR, tetanus, diphtheria and polio, according to a Freedom of Information response released earlier this month.

In the HPV category alone, ADRs numbered 8,228, of which 2,587 were classified as “serious” – defined by several criteria, including whether it resulted in hospitalization or was deemed life threatening.

The MHRA said that the figures did not reflect the true amount of ADRs because of an “unknown and variable level of under-reporting”. The agency estimates it receives about 10 per cent of all reports, suggesting the actual number of girls suffering ADRs could be tens of thousands. It also said that “many millions” of the vaccinations were administered in this time frame without any problems reported.

“Every visit to a doctor was met with rolled eyes,” said Mrs Ryalls. “Every mention of the HPV vaccination was met with hostility and ridicule. We were eventually referred to a local pediatrician who told her to push herself to get back to normal – ‘We all feel tired in the mornings, Emily’ was one of the remarks regarding her complete exhaustion.”

Two years after falling ill, Emily was eventually referred to Dr Pradip Thakker at Queens Medical Centre in Nottingham; he used a tilt table test to diagnose PoTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), a condition where moving from lying down to standing up causes an abnormally high heart rate. By this time Emily was able to manage only three to four hours of school a week. Mrs Ryalls, who had built up a small publishing company from scratch, was forced to close it and become Emily’s full-time carer.

Cancer Research UK points out that cervical cancer is the second most common cancer in women under the age of 35. In the UK, about 3,000 women a year are diagnosed with cervical cancer and it is estimated that about 400 lives could be saved every year as a result of vaccinating girls before they are infected with the human papilloma virus.

The NHS says that the vaccine, which was introduced as part of the routine immunization program in 2008, protects against the two HPV types that cause 70 per cent of the cases of cervical cancer. Screening is still needed to try to pick up cervical abnormalities caused by other HPV types that could lead to cancer.

Since September 2014, girls have received only two injections; the second is taken six to 24 months after the first. The NHS says the program has proved to be “very effective”. However, other countries are taking action following reports of increasing numbers of girls suffering side effects. A Danish TV documentary broadcast earlier this year highlighted the large number of girls who appear to have been affected following their HPV vaccination. Some, like those the Ryalls have met in the UK, are now wheelchair-bound.

Last year, Japan withdrew its recommendation for the HPV vaccine because of reported side effects.

In an article published last week in the Springer journal Clinical Rheumatology, Dr Manuel Martinez-Lavin, who has been treating people with chronic pain conditions for more than 30 years, said these illnesses are “more frequent after HPV vaccination”. He wrote: “Vaccination has been one of the most effective public health measures in the history of medicine. However, seemingly inexplicit adverse reactions have been described after the injection of the newer vaccines vs human papillomavirus (HPV). Adverse reactions appear to be more frequent after HPV vaccination when compared to other type of immunizations.”

Dr Martinez-Lavin said PoTS and fibromyalgia are among the diseases he believes have developed after HPV vaccination, and that clinicians should be aware of the possible association between HPV vaccination and the development of these “difficult to diagnose” painful syndromes.

Mrs Ryalls and about 80 families in similar situations across the UK are taking action. They have formed the Association for HPV Vaccine Injured Daughters (AHVID) to bring families with girls adversely affected by the HPV vaccine together.

She said: “We want to have a stronger voice and we are pushing hard for regional treatment and assessment center along the lines of Denmark and Japan. We want increased reporting of adverse reactions, better educational support and greater transparency and information to enable parents to make an informed decision regarding consent to HPV vaccination.”

Mrs Ryalls also said the AHVID wants better research and treatment for the girls’ conditions and that treatment is currently “pot luck”, as too few doctors spot the signs of PoTS and other autoimmune conditions.

“I’m not anti-vaccination,” Mrs Ryalls said, “but it’s a big area with a lot of questions. I would never say to anyone don’t have it, because it has to be a personal choice. I would say do your own research and don’t just rely on the school leaflet.”

Emily managed to return to school to complete enough GCSEs to move into the sixth-form college where she is now studying English language and photography. She hopes to study the latter at university.

The MHRA said it had no concerns on the numbers of ADRs related to the HPV vaccine and that the “expected benefits in preventing illness and death from HPV infection outweigh the known risks”.

The agency said: “The vast majority of suspected side effect reports for HPV vaccine relate to known risks of vaccination that are well described in the available product information. The reporting rate of suspected side effects, which are not necessarily proven to be caused by the vaccine, is influenced by many factors and expected to differ across vaccines. The greater number of reports for HPV vaccine does not necessarily mean that it is any less safe than other vaccines.

“Reports of PoTS following HPV vaccine remain under review by EU regulators. PoTS can occur naturally in adolescent girls and, at present, there is insufficient evidence to indicate that the vaccine is a cause. This will remain under review.”

May 14, 2015

This is a really good question for homeschoolers to put some thought into. Although part of the point of the kindergarten years is to create healthy forms which can then be the basis upon which first grade is established, there is quite a difference between kindergarten and first grade. Whilst kindergarten’s main focus is on (or should be on I’d say) your life as a parent, pottering around, doing things (cleaning, taking a walk, gardening, making crafts, cooking) and including your child as far as possible in such activities, once ‘formal education’ begins, there really does need to be times for you and your child to sit down and have lessons.

Of paramount importance is creating rhythms in kindergarten which form the basis for first grade and beyond. Time to eat, time to take a walk, time to play, time to hear a story, time to clean up, and so on – with a bit of tweaking, this becomes your first grade rhythm. The more seamless this is, the more this is simply part of life, akin to breathing, the easier it will be for you and the less stressful it will be for your child. If your kindergarten years are based on giving a child choices (“what do you want to do now”), includes electronic or other media, or are without form, then transitioning into first grade will be tricky, to say the least. The more a child is hyped up and overactive, unable to settle comfortably into contented play or listening to a story, the harder creating doable first grade will be. And computerized play (sic), interacting with a child on the basis of choice, and lack of rhythm and form make a relaxed homeschool very, very difficult to achieve.

I strongly suggest that one peruse our selection of audio downloads for talks about early years, kindergarten at home and first grade for further help. Our free download on therapeutic Waldorf is a good place to start for those who are new and who might be wondering why we emphasis such things as rhythm so strongly.

Do bear in mind that the more children one has, the less homeschool will look like school and the more one will have to compromise on this and every other step on the way!

Strengthening the Will

Human beings are beings of thinking, of feeling and of willing. We need to think, consider and understand the world; we need to warm our thoughts with compassion and love; and we need to act in the world with clarity and purpose. Waldorf education seeks to foster qualities in the child so that as she nears adulthood, her capacities of thinking, feeling and willing are strengthened so that she can find her place in the world.

The will lives deep within the unconscious spheres of human activity. In the first seven years of life, the young child is full of incipient will – or perhaps better stated, full of unconscious willing. She wants to DO. This is very appropriate for little ones and indeed, we do them a disservice if we cut this willing phase short by addressing the child via the head or feeling. Therefore, with young children, the best way to be with them (including questions of discipline) is to DO. One does not appeal to the young child’s thinking or feeling when discipling her. One shows her better ways to be – or better yet, one sets up ones life so that forms and rhythms carry the child through the day and help her be will-focused as she should be.

There is much here that could be said about the relationship between thinking, feeling and willing in the developing child (one must never get the picture that somehow they are not connected! Rather, it is a question of emphasis in accordance with the natural laws of child development). But…I don’t have space in this short answer to properly address this fascinating subject.

When the child moves from the first phase of childhood (birth to age 7) to the next, her feeling life comes to the fore ( as characterized by the great swings between sympathy and antipathy one can see in children of this age – “I hate him!!”) and her will life starts to move more into the realm of consciousness. This might seem confusing – so the emphasize from age 7 – 14 is on feeling but not conscious feeling…..and the last stage was focused on unconscious willing….which now (increasingly, over many years) becomes conscious willing. (let’s forget about thinking for the moment – suffice to say that this needs long years of creative play, control of willing and warmth of feeling to develop to its highest potential).

At about age 9, when the child is going through the nine year change and becoming more aware of herself as an ‘I’, she becomes ripe for starting (starting!) to bring consciousness to her will. We can help the child strengthen her will by:

ensuring she finishes projects she begins

practices (a sport, instrument etc) every day or on an agreed schedule

begins to learn to take responsibility for tasks around the house

is challenged in her work not intellectually (not yet!!), but in terms of having to stretch herself to learn multiplication tables, create handwork projects, complete a form drawing she finds especially hard and so on.

The will lives in the physical being of the human being. Therefore the best ways to strengthen the will are via activities that use the physical body – handwork, woodwork, sculpture, gardening, building…..these are the very, very best projects for children from about 9 – 14 (and then in the teen years such projects become pedagogically important again for different though related reasons).

I should say quickly that one needs a great deal of sensitivity and a keen feel for balance when one works pedagogically in this way. It is very, very easy to overdo it! On the one hand one can easily slide into “oh, she’s worked hard today – what does it matter if she doesn’t finish her handwork project” and on the other hand one could become inflexible and authoritarian, demanding impossible goals. Neither of these options is viable in the long run and neither does a child any favours in terms of strengthening the will. One needs as always to find the middle way. One clue as to how to find that is to always seek to listen into and behind what a child says and does….to be able to read accurately when one needs perseverance (which can include tears or fits of anger) and when it really is ok to say to a child “that’s fine – let’s just leave that for now”. The road on which we walk our homeschool journey is never clear and can often be very narrow indeed.

I cannot recommend too highly the book, Learning about the World through Modeling which we sell in the Christopherus bookshop. This is absolutely one of the best investments in your child’s health and education that one can make – to buy this book and to use it regularly throughout your child’s school years.

I also strongly recommend the book, Will-developed Intelligence: Handwork and Practical Arts in the Waldorf School by David Mitchell and Patricia Livingston (who was my handwork teacher at my Waldorf school many, many years ago!) for more on this. Or Michael Howard’s amazing book, Educating the Will.

I don’t have much time to homeschool – how completely is your curriculum laid out?

If Waldorf education is anything, it is a living, creative way of meeting a child’s developmental needs. As each child is different and as each family (or class teacher) is different, then it is impossible to accurately reflect the riches of Waldorf education if one creates a curriculum which is too prescribed. The danger is that a parent is then just following a script and real problems can arise because no child will fit that script exactly! And then what to do!

At Christopherus we attempt to explain to a parent what subjects are approached when, why and how. Donna Simmons has been involved in one way or another with Waldorf education and anthroposophy (student, teacher, parent educator, homeschooler, consultant) for most of her 50+ years and so is in a very good position to help parents navigate the curriculum. Our materials are flexible, user-friendly and purposefully created so that they can be adapted to the myriad of different homeschooling situations. Increasingly, Waldorf teachers also use them in the classroom, finding them adaptable for group use. New teachers especially appreciate Donna’s explanations of why and how things are done – and how one can approach a lesson from many different angles.

Having said all that, we do provide daily schedules; goals for grades and main lessons; overall plans for main lesson blocks; and weekly schedules.

Lastly, homeschooling is a way of life that a family has chosen – and the homeschooling must fit the family’s needs and not the other way around. Thus for many families (where both parents work, where there is a single parent, where there are many children or a high needs child) what they create may look very different from what is written in any curriculum! But that is the joy and challenge of homeschooling and needs to be embraced fully.

How long do I need each day to homeschool/teach lessons?

This question, closely related to the one above, is (perhaps frustratingly for the questioner) akin to the question 'how long is a piece of string'. The only answer to that can be 'it depends'." No two homeschools are alike – and here at Christopherus, we certainly do not expect that anyone – anyone! – will follow our curriculum guidance to the letter! No one can do all the lessons, all the projects, read all the books….and if one did, then one would be seriously compromising one’s own creative independence and probably one’s sleep! Donna is also quick to say that when she homeschooled her sons, what they did was nothing like what she sets out in the Christopherus curriculum! She had a farm to run in addition to raising the boys – and so running the farm was the cradle of most of the boys’ educations.

So…..any meaningful answer to this question has to be set in the context of each family’s situation – how many children there are; what their ages are; what other things need to be done each day (like milking goats and feeding pigs!); what local resources are available….and, most important of all, what one’s own vision of homeschooling is, combined with one’s knowledge of one’s children’s particular needs. And one’s own needs and abilities!

Again, do refer to our sample pages located on each grade package page to see how the flow of lessons is arranged.

My child is (handicapped, autistic, special needs, blind….) and Waldorf education seems to be just right for him. Will it be possible to homeschool him?

Many, many people come to homeschooling and to Waldorf education because of their child’s special challenges. As a method of education based on the development of the human being – every human being – Waldorf honours the distinct path that every person walks as he matures and grows. Whether a child will someday become a particle physicist or will succeed in writing his name at 40, because Waldorf helps the spiritual needs of each human being unfold, it has something for everyone. But…..that does not necessarily mean that homeschooling – or even attending a Waldorf school – is right for every individual.

Homeschooling is unending hard work, even at the best of times. The rewards are huge for the homeschooling family. But we must never kid ourselves in believing that it is right for everyone. Some children are better off in school, whether that be a Waldorf school or state school or some other school (though it could well be that the child is not ready for school when his peers march off to the classroom). There is no one answer for all children or families.

And of course this is so for special needs children as well. Many special needs children are homeschooled very successfully. But it is a disaster for others.

Over the years Donna has consulted with many families with special needs children and it seems that success (measured by general contentedness in the home) lies mainly on how much support the homeschooling parent has. If her spouse, extended family, friends and support workers (doctors, therapists, social workers etc) are behind her, then she stands a very good chance of succeeding. If she also knows clearly how to set boundaries and take care of herself, giving herself a break and being able to take time away from her child (some alone, some with her spouse), this also bodes well. Whether the child is an only child could also be a factor – many times a special needs child takes up so much time and energy in the family that any other children become an afterthought and this can be a very unhealthy situation - to say the least - for everyone.

Please listen to our free audio download on Therapeutic Waldorf to help in considering how one’s home environment can support a child with special needs (or any child really). From there, one can start to work out whether homeschooling is the right decision. And don’t forget – sometimes even only a year or two at home can make all the difference in a child – and family’s – life.

How might I homeschool my only child. I have a big family – can I homeschool using Waldorf?

Following on from the above question with reference to Waldorf being pertinent to the needs of every human being….coupled with the caveats that homeschooling is not necessarily for everyone…we come to the situations where a family has one child…or maybe five.

The big challenge with just one child is ensuring that she doesn’t become the centre of the universe and feel that everything in life revolves around her. Keeping the young single child focused on doing and refraining from precocious intellectual stimulation is a mighty task…but is doable if the parent understands why we take this approach in Waldorf and feels that this is as vital as Waldorf educators feel. As the years roll by, having only one child homeschooled can be challenging in that the child has no one else to bounce his ideas off, has only his own efforts in drawing, handwork and so on, to look at.

But….no one homeschools in isolation! Unless one lives on the top of a mountain with no neighbours for miles and miles, one will have opportunities to mix with other people. For all children this becomes important increasingly after the nine year change and it may well be that though one might not be able to mix with other Waldorf homeschoolers, one will surely find other families who share enough values that the children can play and perhaps engage in drama, music, games or other activities which need a group.

Lastly, as the child passes that special nine year hallmark, another area of life which can become especially important for an only child is service. Ensuring your only has opportunities to help at your house of worship, at perhaps an organic farm or in an old people’s home….meaningful service to others is a vital part of every child’s life, but perhaps especially so for an only child who does not get the regular opportunities to have to set her own needs aside for those of another as will happen regularly in a large family.

Regarding large families….well, it becomes a case of the more the merrier and an embracing of the fact that what is is. The younger ones will be exposed to material at an age that they wouldn’t in a Waldorf school; some children will go through periods where they seem to be neglected; everyone will be involved in everything at times…..in such situations what is important is that what is behind Waldorf education is thoroughly understood by the parent so that though it ain’t gonna look like Waldorf, it will be because she understands the needs of the developing human being.

The health of one’s homelife is perhaps most vital here and needs to become as much a part of life as brushing one’s teeth – when one has several children one needs to run a tight ship. Children thrive when they know what is what – they feel safe and it gives them something to push against (the fact that they push affirms that we are doing the right thing – it does not mean that we collapse!). This becomes all the more important when one has a large family – chaos, while fun for a time, is not nurturing to children. Or adults.

In both the above situations, accepting the destiny or karma of the only child or the child in a large family (and of course the karma of the special needs child as above) can help one move with grace through the child’s unfolding journey and be mindful that our task is never about fitting the child to Waldorf, but seeing how an understanding of Waldorf can serve the needs of the individual child.

Please refer to our early years guide and to our many audio downloads for help with these and related questions.

An opportunity for us as parents and caregivers to offer our children a reassuring and loving presence in the days and weeks ahead

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Your children may encounter others this week who know more about the tragedy in Newtown than they do, from direct exposure to media or from overhearing adult conversations, or from other children.

They may come to you for more information, explanations, clarifications…this seeking to understand and integrate may take some time. This is an opportunity for parents and teachers to offer wisdom and loving presence, to meet each child in the way he or she needs to be met. Please consider the age of your child and how any of this information may impact him or her – as their parents you are the best expert on how to protect and strengthen your own children and your family. They need our reassurance that most people are good; our loving presence and deep quiet listening may be more helpful than a lot of explanations. Children can, and do, work things out for themselves according to their own abilities, over time, in the warmth and calmness of adult presence.

However, if your child either has not heard about this terrible event or has not taken it in, it may be best to “let it be,” knowing that when your child does want to speak about this, you will be ready. You may be wondering about your child having heard about this and not speaking about it. For the younger child, we encourage you to watch your child’s play very carefully. For the older elementary aged child, usually the signs to watch are more in their behavior and attitude. Both play and behavior may be a guide to what is going on inwardly for your child.

Orientation

Simplicity Parenting has, at its core, pathways that give direction for everyday family life. However in moments like these they also provide clear and deep orientation for a child who may be in need of reassuring warmth and safety.

Soul Fever

Parents will want to observe their children even more lovingly and carefully than usually, if the children have been exposed to a lot of information about this tragedy. Some children may come with difficult questions; others may act out what they can’t integrate, in play. As much as possible allow this, so long as it is safe. You will want to adjust your family life – by simplifying – if your child seems stressed or anxious, nervous and generally soul-fevered.

Behavior

Some children may become a little more challenging to you in terms of their behavior. What they are likely doing is looking for your warm but firm boundaries. It is tempting to “cut them some extra slack” at this time. However, loving boundaries, perhaps a little more gently applied, will help them feel safe, as they reinforce the way that your family defines itself. Also, a special note about transitions like bed- to- dressed, home-to-school, or play time-to-dinner time…These can tricky at the best of times but in potentially anxious days like those that may lie ahead, try giving extra time for transitions. Previewing ahead of time how the transition is going to happen and what you expect may also be helpful.

In General…

For more extroverted children… they may act “out” a little more and push the family envelope. They may be more provocative towards you and siblings.

For introverted children… they may go inward and become a little quieter or perhaps get stuck or stubborn.

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Filtering Out Adult Concerns

We recommend – urge – that children not be exposed to news reporting on screen or radio, or adult conversations about this event. Young children do not really grasp that repeated announcements are about one single event. Each time they hear a news report or overhear an unguarded adult conversation, the risk is that it sets off a brain based “cascade” of fight-or-flight hormones which can significantly delay their healing.

What to Filter In…Alternatively, reach into your store of favorite family stories. Tell the familiar beloved stories of Grandpa or Grandma, or maybe some from when you were little (especially the ones where you were naughty). These old stories are familiar and deeply securing to a child.

The filtering out mantra applies here more than ever. Before you say anything in front of your child ask yourself three simple questions.

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

Unless your instinct gives you a very clear “yes” to each of these questions, chances are it is way better to defer the comment until your child is not present.

Rhythm

It may help to light a candle or do some other simple ritual so that children have the understanding, “There is something we can do to help.” Make sure that bedtimes are especially regular, slow and peaceful, so that children have plenty of deep sleep in which to process what has happened in the day. And finally consider strengthening the rhythms that you already have in family life. In these kinds of situations familiarity brings safety. Rhythm quietly and invisibly says to a child, “There are things I can count on. All is well here in this family.”

Scheduling

Children may need more time with parents, more down time, in the next few days and weeks. If your child seems upset by the tragedy, be prepared to quietly, without explanation, simplify your schedule, in favor of more family down time and togetherness. You are in charge of the safety, health and peace of mind of your family! Children do not easily process emotional upset when they are kept busy. This might seem counter intuitive but distracting and detouring a child away from upset, risks having them circle back to the source and can bring about a very difficult loop of prolonged feelings of uneasiness and even upset.

Environment

A simple, beautiful, calm bedroom or play space, and home, will help all children to play more deeply and to be at peace. Play outside can be especially helpful. Try to keep the toys, books, clothes a little more tidy than usual. On a deeper level this helps a child have a sense of orderliness in their world, just a time when this is needed.

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How to respond to questions?

Our deepest longing for our child is that they feel safe. Talking about “safety” may very well raise the question within the child, “Why are they talking about safety? Is it because I am not safe?”

By being gatekeepers and protectors we can create a reassuring environment and atmosphere in which children can feel safe. This may well be more effective than talking about safety, even in reassuring ways.

However, if you feel the need to respond with words, very simple answers to children’s questions, can be given, without going into detail or long explanations. This may help your child best to integrate this difficult experience in a healthy way.

Here are some guidelines that may help in case you find yourself at a loss to begin with:

When speaking…

Be sure to use language and words that you know your child already understands, so that he or she can easily absorb what you say. Speak in your normal familiar voice.

If you are asked a question that you are not sure about how to answer, give yourself time, “That is a big question, honey. I’ll think about that”. As the day goes on, assess whether the child still needs an answer. Many questions that children have come and go, and may not actually need answering by us. Often just speaking the question or comment to you, and knowing you have heard them is enough for our child. Sometimes they may find their own satisfying answers in play.

What you could say…

“Sometimes – almost never – bad things happen… everyone is very sorry about this…. and there are lots of loving people helping those families now.”

“It is hard for any one to understand this… and we can help by sending our loving thoughts/ prayers to those families.”

For the younger child…”You will understand this better when you are bigger. Right now we can send our loving thoughts to those families. We will light a candle for them this evening…”

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Many faith communities are offering guidance to parents and families, based on their own particular world view. You may want to ask your faith leaders for support if you have questions they could answer or recommendation reading.

Please use the www.simplicityparenting.com blog as a forum to share children’s questions and responses that seemed to be helpful to them, to help other parents.

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Kim John Payne is the author of Simplicity Parenting, Games Children Play, and the soon to be published Beyond Winning With Whole Child Sports. He is the Director of The Simplicity Project.

Davina Muse is the Director of Simplicity Parenting Group Leader Training and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with a specialization in Family Counseling.

November 03, 2011

My sons have left home. They are now 18 and 20 and live in England, which is where they were born. They are tall, strong, articulate young men, deeply concerned with the inequalities and tensions of our current day. The elder seeks community-based political solutions and the younger is focused on the quality of human interactions in his everyday life.

And neither of them uses social media or even the computer or a phone very much. For me, this is hard as it can mean that I don't speak with them for weeks on end. But overall, because I see how it impacts their independence and their growth, I am very pleased.

For instance, the two of them hitch-hiked to France a couple of weeks ago. They were aiming for a particular city, and an event that was taking place there. They agreed that if they got separated, that they would meet in a particular park. And that is what happened. My older boy got lucky and got a ride all the way to his destination. The younger - as he told me a week later - had three days of "trials and tribulations". And so Daniel, the older boy, simply hung out in the park for three days, waiting for his brother to show up. Once there, they navigated an unknown city in an unknown language and found their way.

This probably sounds crazy to some people. Why not avail oneself of modern conveniences like GPS units and cell phones? Why have to take such chances and rely so heavily on....on other people. Which is what happened. During those three days in the park, Daniel found people to pass the time with. He got to know a bit about the city and the culture. And he also relied on himself and his own inner resources.

This kind of life lesson is especially valable for Gabriel, the younger boy. Here's a boy who has in the past refused to ask shopkeepers questions and described himself as 'timid' and 'shy'. Well, during those three days of trials and tribulations, he had to depend on himself, on what he could call up from deep within, to keep going. No one was going to do it for him.

Both boys had a wonderful experience concerning how to survive without communication tools several summers ago when we were on a bus taking us from La Crosse to St Paul. The GPS on the bus suddenly broke and the driver was completely helpless. There were paper maps in the vehicle but he was so used to using a GPS that he could not read them. Maybe he forgot how. Or, scarier still, maybe he had never learned how. So my husband went up to the front of the bus. He didn't especially know the way, but he knew west from east and that, for instance, Winona was in the right direction - and so directed the bus (and without even the aid of the paper maps for extra Brownie points!). Our boys were very impressed by this and over the years we have seen again and again how deeply this simple lesson in common sense and a rudimentary skill such as knowing how to read a map, influenced them.

Gabriel did have some preparation for these current adventures last summer when he spent a couple of months hitching around the UK and US. What was especially wonderful were his experiences with strangers, with people who extended help to this unknown boy. He had people drive out of their way to take him places; he had people buy him food; he had people (not scary ones) offer him a place to stay. And he got to hear the stories of mothers, veterans, people bored with work or looking for work, ex-hippies who used to hitch...all sorts of people.He got to experience a connection with other human beings in a way that many people, who stick only to those whom they know, never have.

Back to the use of cell phones, well, Gabriel did have one for a while. He had a girlfriend who insisted he get one so she could call him all the time. I can remember one notable evening when she texted him at least 20 times in the course of an hour. He was doing his homework (he was at school at this time) and every time she texted, he'd put down his work and read what she had written and usually respond. I was sitting across from him, knitting. Finally I said " what is the deal here?" Nothing, he responded. Just my girlfriend. So how about you focus on your homework and then when it's done, you text her? Because of the way he'd been raised, he knew that a) this was a reasonable suggestion and b) I was not about to be fobbed off by " but that's what all the kids do". So we "entered into negotiations". He could see that breaking one's focus and concentration repeatedly was simply not a good habit to cultivate - whether it was interrupting one's homework or something else in one's lfe. As a (mostly) homeschooled boy who valued long uninterrupted periods of focus on a particular interest, he knew from his own experience, how disorientating split concentration could be. And he didn't want that.

The end came, though when one night I went into his room to look for something and found him asleep with the cell phone, switched on, on the pillow next to his head. The next morning we had a long discussion about the health effects of cell signals. And I asked the question of why he needed to have the phone on like that. What it came down to was that his girlfriend was having some problems and that she "needed" to be able to contact him. Frequently. So I pointed out that if she was in trouble, she needed him in person, not via text. And that in the interim, both she and he needed to sleep and not be constantly at the mercy of such communication.

Well, that chapter of the cell phone story ended soon after because Gabriel and his girlfriend broke up. Most of his friends had cell phones but he was starting to become uncomfortable with how they were used. And besides, he had facebook.

But eventually, without me saying anything at all, Gabriel became uneasy about facebook. His brother eschewed social networking from the beginning, knowing how dangerous it is for internet companies to have all of one's data and to also have such a potentially powerful tool at their ultimate control (witness the fact that the British PM contemplated blacking out facebook and twitter during the recent riots in the UK). But Gabriel only really got fed up with facebook when, once again, he saw how it affected his friends' relationships. He thought it weird and unnatural how one "friends" people whom one has never spoken with in the flesh and how people can post anything, including hurtful or misinformed information, one someone's page. He saw how his friends were affected by this and he saw how a few teens seemed to live for updates and messages on their page - but in real life had trouble socializing.

So he closed his facebook account - which was an eye opening experience for him as it is not possible to simply delete one's page. Facebook "saves" it for you "just in case". It took him three days of downloading special programmes to be able to override Facebook's possession of his personal information and finally be rid of it.

By now the cell phone had gone. Again, this was mainly because of what he observed around him. What bugged him most was how kids would arrange to get together - and then spend half their time communicating with other people on their cell phones!

That's the story of my media-free boys. They value human relationships in the flesh and they know how to handle themselves in difficult situations. How could I be prouder of them?

October 20, 2011

This piece was written in the middle of my guest appearance on the blog, "Catherine et les fees" so as to clarify and deepen some things which had come up during our conversation. A link to this thread is found at the bottom of the article. And by the way, if anyone wants to invite me to guest on their blog, do contact me donna (at) christopherushomeschool.org.

The issue of respecting a child, is so important and so woefully misunderstood. Here we have a great example of "you mean one thing by this and I mean something totally different". So I need to try to define terms a bit here.

Some people, especially those coming from AP or "gentle parenting" background may come from a place where listening to what the child says and basing one's actions on what s/he says are paramount. From a Waldorf perspective, it is also critical that one listen carefully to what a child says - but we - or let's just stick with what I think as it makes things a little less complicated as there are of course differences within Waldorf - so I would say yes, listening to a child is important. But sometimes what is not said is actually more important. Or what the child's developmental stage is saying. Or what lives behind those articulated words.

For instance, we have the example of a child who refuses to do her work - some people might just say oh, ok then, don't do it then. Others will say no, you must do it. Both positions could be wrong, and either could be right. It depends entirely on the context of the situation, which includes the child's age. So...if one is asking a child to do something which is beyond what she is developmentally ready to do, then it is quite reasonable that she refuses.And because she is just a child, she cannot say "Mom, I am not able to do this much writing because my left-right orientation isn't complete and it is too much of a stretch to do this". We might know that this is a possibility because we are adults. Our job is to understand enough about children and about this particular child so we can make that detterminations. We are not respecting that child if we expect her to be able to articulate her needs. For to do this, she must be self aware and self conscious and until she has reached and passed the nine year change, her natural stage on consciousness is NOT self aware and self conscious. To expect her to be so is to in effect say that her earliest stages of development are not as valid as her later ones.

Along the same lines, she might be testing you to see what you will do - and here things get very controversial because some people can think that by saying that children test adults I am saying that children are manipulative. Well, if by the word manipulative, we mean "conscious of what they are doing" (and I am speaking of young children here,though depending on the situation even teens - even adults unfortunately - can test another unconsciously) then no, of course not. But if by manipulating we mean "pushing one's buttons, seeing what happens" then of course they are manipulative - they are manipulating" things to see what happens and seeing where the power vacuum is. And it is really scary to be a child and to discover that there is a power vacuum, ie that an adult collapses in the face of a child's testing. And children can react in unexpected ways to this discovery - some continue to push in a seeming attempt to push that adult into finally finding herself; some behave very badly; some go inward and become quiet and perhaps even prematurely self sufficient.

Children come to this earth not merely as less experienced adults - they do not spring as fully formed autonomous beings, as Athena emerged from the head of Zeus. They are not merely less competent - they have entirely different ways of experiencing the world, have an entirely different consciousness than older children and adults. This is perhaps THE key to Waldorf education, what one needs to grasp if one wants to work meaningfully with its essence.

A great example: I used to run a Waldorf parent/toddler group many many years ago. Most of the children were around 1 or 2 years old but we had one 3 year old who loved nothing better than playing with (and bossing around) the little ones. One day she decided to organize a game of hide and go seek. She looked around at the other children clumped adoringly around her and covered her eyes with her hands. "I'm hiding" she declared. And so she was. To her consciousness, because she could not see the others, then it followed that they could not see her.

This is not merely an example of "less experience" - it is clearly an example of "different consciousness." And this is what we MUST understand so that the zillions of questions we have as parents and educators can at least take a coherent shape. Without an understanding of how children experience the world, then it is hard to imagine how one can come up with any meaningful questions at all. One needs a basis for forming those questions, a framework of understanding to refer to so that then one is not merely doing what someone advises, but understanding for oneself what the advice (good or bad) springs from.

So back to the example above, of the child refusing to do her work, we listen to what she says. We acknowledge what she says. Then we decide what to do. Maybe she has been working very hard and very diligently over the last days or weeks and so we say "Hmmmm....you don't want to do your writing. Let me shorten it a bit and then we'll finish our lesson and have an early snack after you copy that into your book." We might say "Yes, you have been doing lots of writing. Let's take a break. fter snack you can draw a picture instead."

Or we might say to the child who is testing us "Nope. Gotta do that writing my lovely! No two ways about it!" We try a bit of lightness and warm but firm insistence. Tears might follow - that is good! The child is able to release her tension - that is so important and so right! So often parents fear their child's strong emotions, thinking that it means they have done something wrong. On the contrary, it can mean one has done something right. Every human being experiences the tension between what they want to do and what they can, in a given situation, do. What a gift we give children if we let them experience that tension and then do not collapse in fear if they scream or cry but gently hold the space and do not get upset ourselves. This is not about us - it is about that child. It can be supremely selfish of us to take away the child's emotions and not let her experience them.

And of course this is fraught with dangers! Absolutely! One can easily list to the other side and become authoritarian. But that is the danger in every human encounter. For example: I have someone now who works for me - do I ask too much of her? Am I listening to her opinions? What happens when we disagree? Can we find ways to work together? And so on. Of course, the difference there is that we are speaking of two adults. So in that relationship, my employee also has responsibilities - she has the responsibility to speak up, to make her thoughts known, to be take ownership of the balance between her life and her work and so on and so on.

With a child, the relationship is of course utterly different. And it is entirely understandable that parents do everything they can to not perpetuate the oppressive relationship that they might have had with their parents. Remember the story I told of the boy in the bull's pen? (On Catherine's blog I told the story of finding a child of about 5 poised to jump into a bull's pen at the intentional community where my family used to live.) Well, once I go to know his mother, I understood why she created no boundaries for her children - her father was an unbearable bully and ran his family like a military unit. So she swooped to the opposite extreme with her children. What was interesting there was how her two children reacted to her utter lack of boundaries and her desire to give those children "freedom": the daughter was one of the dreamiest non-focused, "out there" children I have ever met. She lived in her own world and seemed unable to cope with the one she had incarnated into. The little boy, on the other hand, was totally out of control, one of the naughtiest (and most wonderful) children I have ever worked with.

To finish, I want to share one last anecdote, this from a book by Corrie Ten Boom whose family worked hard during WW2 to save the lives of many Jews and were eventually destroyed themselves by the Nazis. Corrie tells a story of a train trip she took with her father. She was about 13 and asked her father a question about sex. He paused for a while and they sat in silence (that alone is something worth taking from this story as so often parents seem to think they must immediately always respond to the questions of their children without any time for distance or reflection). Then he said "When we get off the train, will you carry our bags?" Corrie said no, she couldn't possibly, they were too heavy for her. Then he solemnly said that the same was true for her question, that for now, its answer was too heavy for her to carry and that he would carry it for her until she was ready to carry it herself.

So - what do you think of that? Some undoubtedly might think how quaint and old fashioned - that children Need Information. Do they? Says who? I used to work with teen girls in a juvenile detention unit - they had all the information that anyone could wish for. Did that in any way at all stop them from acting foolishly (or fearfully)? Nope. Not a jot. What those children had needed but did not get were adults willing to bear the load of being parents and taking the full responsibility of carrying them until they were able to step out into life themselves. No amount of information could make up for the hole that was in those girls' souls.

Of course that is an extreme example - but do you see how it follows on? It is based in the thinking that children are simply less experienced younger people - no different from adults except that they are younger and do not know as much. Thus from that point of view it makes perfect sense to think that by giving information, children will then "be empowered" to make right decisions. One can see how people honestly think that this is respecting children - and of course from one point of view, it is. But in a larger context, in a context of understanding what it means to be a child, it is not. I do not dispute the loving compassion in the intentions - nevertheless, it remains highly problematic.

If only it were that simple!

And by the way, least anyone think I am some sort of 19th century throw-back that is against sex education, I should hasten to say that at the slightly Waldorf high school where I used to teach I led the "sex, drugs and rock'n'roll" class. But my emphasis was on human relationships - that of the teen to his/herself and to others. Information was given, but it was very much of secondary importance.

If what I have written here resonates with you, I encourage you to have a good look through my other blog posts on similar subjects. Here is the Blog Index.