Monday, January 25, 2016

Finding Home

Sometimes I miss Arkansas a lot. Enough
to bring me to tears. It was my home for 20 years, so of course how
could I not. The people and the economy are by no means any part of
my sorrow, but my family, friends, stompin' grounds and way of life is
there. Sometimes its hard living in a place where everything is so
culturally opposite of what you're use to.

I've been in the process of learning
something though. Two expressions we all know, “home is where the
heart is” and “home is where you make it.” When I hear the
first, my thought is, my heart is all over the place, there's a piece
of my heart everywhere, which tells me home is here, there, and right
over yonder. When I hear the second it makes the first so much
clearer. I realize now where home is, because home is here in
Illinois where I made it, with my mate.

For the first time in a very long time,
I found a place where I belong, where I'm wanted and loved just the
way I am. A place of my own to call home, a place to make warm meals
and entertain family and friends, a place to come home to my love in
bed. A place where I know my heart will always yearn for my roots but
will always sleep sound knowing after 20 years it finally found its
home.

My home is here where I made it, where my heart is with Brandon. That's a blunt,
mushy and straight forward statement. But I've learned if you can't
be honest with your self like that then you're pulling the wool over
your own eyes. No since in blindly searching for something that is
right in front of you.

While I would've gladly made my home
anywhere by myself, home just feels so much more like HOME with my
mate by my side. We'd follow each other to the ends of the earth and
that's how it should be; not one always following the other. (Maybe I'll write about that too one day.)

My roots in Arkansas will always be a
part of me and I'll never outgrow that. I will always make sure its
an important part of me because that's why I am who I am. Its
important you never forget where you came from, in so many ways on so
many levels.

My home here in Illinois will always be a part of me. No matter if I'm in Wyoming in 20 years
or Italy in five years. I'll always know where home is. I'll always
have a place with my mate to come back home to.

My heart is of course with my home.
However my soul has a different resting place when it becomes of age.
I've always said when God made me, he formed my soul out of the Ozark
Mountains. Its the one place I feel like should be my final resting.
Thankfully Brandon and I both agree on retiring to my family's land
in Fifty Six, Arkansas (near Mountain View, AR) located deep in the
heart of the Ozarks. So yeah when retirement age hits me, home will
return back to Arkansas with me. So when I'm old, with wrinkled tattoos, telling my kids
about my life, about my journies, my lessons, my love lost and my
love found you'll know where to find me....

In a log cabin in the Ozarks where my
heart, home and soul reside as one.

Don't forget who you are, make you're
home where you want it, allow your heart to open to only the
deserving and when Father Time starts calling you home, give your
soul the peace of where it truly belongs.

Finding home will be one of the hardest
things you ever do in life. Home could end up being a million miles
away or 10 houses down the street. You won't know until you find it.
You will shed many tears, fight many battles, spend many sleepless
nights, travel many roads, sleep in many places, laugh at many
things, love many people and make many friends. I can't say how long
it will take you to find home but, one day whether it be 20, 40, 60
years, when you finally find home you'll know it. There'll be no denying or mistaking it.

As for myself all I can say for now
is,”It's great to finally be home.”