Thank you for your current and future contributions, assuming, of course, you aren't possessed with the spirit of a vandal. I pray that you have a long, happy and productive life here. But if you really want to leave, you can pass through the door that says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here." But I wouldn't recommend it.

BEGINNING YOUR NEW LIFE

This series consists of six lessons designed to Uncyclopedically guide you, the new believer, to living the life that would be pleasing to Sophia. These lessons will show that Sophia has given the new Uncyclopedian specific instructions as to how to live the very best life here possible, which means avoiding getting ceremoniously fried in boiling oil. (We don't really do that. Honest. Would I lie?)

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. And please read a few featured articles so you can see what's considered the best here (make sure you find the featured version). If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your Sophiacal creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:1ofakindxxx/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold, cruel world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - on the top of it.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, you might browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid of the unknown depths - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. I was an adopted noob, and it kept me out of trouble. Well, some of the time. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to apply to be adopted. Again, welcome! FatherWHY???(confessions) 18:40, December 5, 2009 (UTC)