“It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.” ~ Noel Coward ~

Unable to go too far these present days, the photos are, as the expression goes “a blast from the past”

So we barreled through Life on a path designated and [maybe?] designed for each us. We don’t see the end of it for more reasons than one, none of us like "finality" in whichever form it could take, yet, the obstacles arise. Slowly at first, on my path anyhow, and then on up seemingly insurmountable. I say "seemingly" because I am one of those with always much hope and faith towards Life. These times I must admit are rather strange for lack of a better word. "Today" is almost the opposite of "before". This is when I am finding the mental battle as hard as the physical. After all tests imaginable to man kind there is still no viable answer as to why my legs hurt and burn incapable of more than ten steps by the end of the day! Not all at the same time… it is either pain or burning.

As "maybe" everyone else I Google my symptoms. I count about ten or more scenarios and understand why my Doctor is playing a 20th Century Medical Detective. There are words I cannot even pronounce, there are conditions which are incurable, so much runs through my mind, unpleasant thoughts. A couple tests are yet to come. Sliver of hope while I thought we were done. A complete body bone scan and a complete body nerve conduction. All this followed by a visit to a new to me neurosurgeon. Something might have gone wrong above and below my spine plate. How strange all this is and at the same time so lucky to be here and not somewhere else in the middle of nowhere. I would not be complaining anyhow as the headlines I glance at indicate so much misery happening all around us. I cannot even relate. I feel guilty so far from such a catastrophic situation living alone with Spirit in a 750 square foot home when others have barely if even a bag filled with their possessions on a borrowed cot and temporary shelter.

I have to face this. Honestly. Are most others missing the point? The point of Life. Living? Of course while I say that I realize it is only my point, my opinion and yet, it is, has been reinforced, I will say it in plain English, has taken billions of years for it to form [and not quite done yet!], the point is only to honestly love each other and beautiful Mother Earth as horrifying she has been lately. Is that so naive? It seems that it is for many. Honesty is beautiful. It is like crystal clean unpolluted water, fresh untainted snow, clear blue sky, fresh air we breathe up in the mountains. Honesty has no anxiety. It is the truth, the true reflection of one’s self. It is a good night sleep without nightmares. It is one of the rare aspects of Life which has no grey area. There is no but, no maybe a little… It is honest or dishonest and that is it.

Is it a rarity these days? I don’t like to pass judgments but I think it is. Honesty is part of respect towards each other. Talking "big" is disrespectful unless you adhere to your talk. Unfortunately big talk is often present to virtually make one’s self bigger than the other. What follows I have personally experienced is just not it. I can go a 1000 I hear but the reality is only if lucky 500… In the meantime we have tried to attain trust from one another whose mission unfortunately is to be portrayed as bigger than Life. Just like a balloon landing on a needle the situation deflates and the honest one is left once again saying "if I only knew".

Trust! What a big word I find more than ever our lives revolves around it. We get pushed, shoved, played and even robbed. We tell ourselves "I still believe in a handshake and I will not change", "your word is gold", but, one day, throughout one instant, we realize we are in a free fall when our parachute does not open and we have had it. We empty that jar filled with trust, the jar we have carried under our arm all our Life as the lid comes off and drops into the neant. Now we have to start all over. We might forgive but forgetting is hard. We trusted everyone until proof of contrary, suddenly we find ourselves not trusting anyone until proof of contrary.

Honesty is a responsibility one needs to assume. It makes us think about what we are going to do, what we are going to say because there is no coming back. Only dishonesty will take us back and I am personally so tired of witnessing such, as the layers of lies added to each other suddenly are so deep that the person in front of me does not even believe what they themselves are saying! It is laughable. There is humor in this! I have to see it. Almost like a game I want more. I want to hear what the next cover up will be. I come to expect it and on I only have one word "seriously?"… I also laugh afterwards. Beats crying!

I was also thinking at what point does honesty becomes dishonesty in the context of "saying how it is" or "abstaining" saying anything. I don’t have that answer quite yet. Not saying is not lying especially when you have not been asked the question. It is just leaving a situation in a non expressive blank format. Unfortunately sometimes we leave the slate blank because it is advantageous to us. If you sell a car "as is" and the buyer agrees even though you know some time later he is going to be broken down on the side of the road and you don’t say anything about what you know which will cause the breakdown, is it honest or dishonest? I think as I call my conscience I just have made up my mind! I would have to say something…

The one question I like to ask myself and so "trendy" these days on pages of Social Media is the honesty of self importance. I even looked up synonyms. Bigheaded… egotistic… pompous… self-conceited [I like that one!], vain… and of course there is so much more. Social Media’s competition has turned many of who I have known into such synonyms. Of course the question I have to ask myself is why do I still at times look at their pages? Curiosity? The hope they finally realize being "humble" is a much nicer trait of personality? I want at times leave a comment "NOT AGAIN… PLEASE!". But I don’t. It is not my place to do so. Regardless of their own label of self-importance it would hurt their feelings. But the question remains… Is it honest? I guess it is because it is no lies. Just a presentation of an overfilled plate running havoc!

6 Responses to “Honesty… Honestly! NM”

I needed to read your words today–they made me feel connected to what is still good and beautiful in this world, to the souls and “Spirits” who keep seeking truth and kindness. I am sorry to hear about the medical issues, though. Sending healing thoughts your way. Hugs, and give Spirit a kiss on the nose for me 🙂

That’s just awful about your pain when you should be enjoying getting settled in your new house & exploring the area.

I’m sure you’ve already googled the possibilities, so have you already asked your doctor to do a metal allergy test? Though it’s said to be rare, some people have symptoms similar to what you describe after joint replacement if the implants contain cobalt or nickel, in case you missed it somehow in your research. Some other people can even have reactions to the plastics in the non-metal kind, I’ve heard.

Thank You Adrian. I don’t know if going to Europe will ever happen at this point. My Youth was spent there, a bit over 30 years, those were the good old times. So we will wait for you here! Mailed your book this morning and sent you an email. I messed up on the postage!!! Stay well. Ara and Spirit