He went for Brown like a chipmunk at a bag of nuts

You remember: the amiable, crumpled bumblers who have been conducting an inquiry called 'The UK and the Euro'.

It might not be sexy but, after Iraq, it is Labour's biggest migraine.

Normally the attendance is a few MPs, a witness table of profs and egg heads, perhaps three motheaten spectators, plus Muggins.

Yesterday? A packed house! Gordon Brown was the star turn.

It turned out that the Chancellor had come along to say as very, very little as possible about his 'five tests' on whether we go into the Euro. The test results are expected in June. The crush outside was like a scene from a Bolivian bank during a currency crisis.

Old grannies thwacked young men over the head with their brollies. A man with a warty face sucked a sweet nervously. Chaps in suits affected an air of nonchalance.

Mr Brown, in the role of bank manager, was there to assure us that everything was under control. Or at least I think so. He uses such bafflingly complex language that it is hard to tell if he has even said 'good morning'.

The committee's two tough guy Tories, David Ruffley (Bury St Edmunds) and Michael Fallon (Sevenoaks) were determined to disbelieve him. Throughout Mr Brown's jargon-packed preamble they struck a variety of sceptical poses.

Mr Brown did not quite say so, but one sensed he was irked. He and Mr Ruffley, in particular, have a brisk disregard for one another.

Within minutes young Ruffley was going for Mr Brown like a chipmunk at a bag of nuts.

Not since Rikki Tikki Tavi the mongoose sank his fangs into the neck of Saki's cobra has there been such a spat.

of us who, as I say, normally go along to these Thursday mornings for a gentle snooze suddenly found ourselves with something very different. Nigel Beard (Lab, Bexleyheath & Crayford), sitting in his customary puddle-plop of benign inaction, gawped like a missionary watching his first hot porn film.

Mr Fallon attacked Mr Brown for trying to bypass the rest of the Government.

'You gonna make your five-tests studies available to other ministers?'

C'mon, big boy. Let's hear ya!

Mr Brown, grumpily: 'Cabinet will examine the assessments.' Mr Brown's sidekick Ed Balls gave a slow nod. Mr Fallon: 'Will they be circulated in 10 Downing Street?' Mr Brown, glowering: 'That's a matter for the internal machinery of Government.' Over to Mr Ruffley, who had been psyching himself up by rocking to and fro in his chair.

He suddenly flew across the room, sinking his gnashers into Gordon's relationship with Tony Blair.

'Will the Cabinet be able to overrule any recommendation you make on the Euro?' Mr Brown, with great suspicion: 'Of course.' Mr Ruffley: 'Supposing the PM takes a different view. He IS the First Lord of the Treasury, even though you think you are.' The committee's genial chairman John McFall (Lab, Dumbarton) tried to separate the two men.

They ignored him and went on shouting. Amid all the hollering, something quite interesting was said.

Mr Brown conceded that if the five tests produce a 'No' to the Euro he will announce only then whether another set of tests will be held.

In other words, he might yet turn round and say, in June, that the Euro is off for good.

Or, and this would be more to Mr Blair's taste, he might announce that a rerun of the tests will be held just before the next election.

Mr Brown was yesterday so jealous, so tight and hunched-shouldered with this important information, that you sensed he is thoroughly enjoying this hold he has got over the Prime Minister.