me

Wow, 50 of you crazy people follow me, that is so insane. Don’t you know I am a crazy man? Well if you didn’t know, then you are not a true follower and you should be ashamed.

You know, if each and every one of you gave me $1000 each, I could start getting my artists paid for my upcoming comic. Is that too large a price to pay for my sporadic ramblings? I come on here once, maybe up to four times a month, and pour the insanity straight from my demented brain to you.

In all seriousness, I know 50 is not a huge number, but you all mean a lot to me. I get pretty good traffic, but you, YOU chose to “Follow”. Welcome to my cult.

Like this:

Growing up in Europe, I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to travel to many countries and experience their cultures. At the age of 16-17, I grabbed my backpack and over the course of a few years (we took sporadic breaks back home) friends and I made a circuit from Germany to the north through Norway, Denmark and down through Amsterdam. From there we made our way to Paris, begging and busking to pay our way to the south of France. It was a little coastal town between Cannes and Nice called Antibes. All the rich movie stars would dock massive mega-yachts there because of the proximity to Cannes and Nice. Odd jobs were easily created in the form of scraping barnacles off these behemoths.

As the weather started to get colder, we migrated to Spain. I would read Tarot cards on the beach for tourists and pretty much scam them by telling them what they wanted to hear. Crossing Gibraltar to Morocco, hoping over Libya to Egypt and up through Bali and the Maldives to hit India, the USSR and finally back to Germany. It was an adventure of a lifetime.

There were nights sleeping in abandoned bomb shelters from WW2 to escape tremendous storms, dangerous wildlife and Soviet troops eyeing us with suspicion. We survived and a passion for travel was born. When asked, “Where is your dream place to visit before you die?”, I would say “Australia mate!”. I still do want to go there, but if I ever go I want a guide/bodyguard. Have you seen all the things that can kill you over there?

Cracked always has list articles and hardly a week goes by without a list of 6-10 animals that can kill you in under 3 minutes flat. The native language there has to be SCREAMING. My passion for going there is slowly being eroded by the warm trickle down my leg when I read more about the local fauna. Here is my list of “Scary ass monsters of Australia.”.

Freaking SHARKS! Remember Jaws? Spielberg should have made the film there to save on that fake shark that never worked.

Sticking with the water, Box Jellyfish. Before you say pee on it, that is a myth bro. These blobs KILL.

Shit fucking SPIDERS. The Sydney Funnel Web, Bird Eating Tarantula and the TrapDoor Spider. I think ONE of these wont kill you, but I will not take the chance. FUCK SPIDERS in their spider-butts.

Dick SNAKES. There is no Dick snake, but the Coastal Taipan (most venomous snake on EARTH), the King Brown and the Tiger Snake. Too many snakes. FUCK them. No don’t do that, it is illegal and deadly.

Blue-Ringed Octopus. Seafood that KILLS. Is that barbie hot yet?

Australian Paralysis Tick. A TICK (SPOON!) that will paralyze you!

Stonefish. Some of the symptoms that could lead up to the possible death may include such timeless classics as: intense pain lasting up to 12 hours, nausea, tremors, abnormal heartbeats, seizures and paralysis. And just look at it. Australia has wonderful people, at least one will say this to you if you run into anyone of these monsters, “Oh, relax mate! He’s not gonna hurtcha!”. Crazy Aussies I love you but you’re gonna have to kill a bunch of shitty creatures before we cuddle.

So I have been quiet for a bit. I have a very good reason, trust me. I promised myself that this year was going to be my year. I have my hands in many things, but my big project is finally becoming a reality. Nikkol Jelenic ofNikkol Jelenic Art made the announcement for me by way of unveiling the main character of my upcoming comic book!

Check out her site for some great commission art, she is an amazing talent and a name to watch as she rises to fame in the comic world. She has teamed up with comic book legend Mark McKenna on some projects and just released her second book in the “A Time for Killing” series. A personal favorite of mine is her pencils covered with Mark’s inks on a Deadpool headshot that is framed on my wall. Check out Mark McKenna at his official site and his amazing childrens series, Banana Tail