OH I’M SO PISSED! Here we are, up to our necks in egg nog season, and still my grocery store has ZERO egg nog on the shelves. WHY DON’T I JUST KILL MYSELF? Seriously, though, what am I missing here? Did I wake up this morning and find myself in COMMUNIST CHINA? Where is the goddamned egg nog?! It is ridiculous to me that the grocery store is even still standing. How has an angry mob failed to burn that place to the ground yet? Ugh. People are so apathetic these days. They’re happy to turn a blind eye to the world’s problems as long as they can WATCH TELEVISION and EAT POTATO CHIPS. Free Mumia! STOCK EGG NOG! Anyway, Egg Nog Movies Party Game is obviously not as good as actual egg nog, like, not even by a hundred miles, but it’s all we have, apparently. We’re like starving castaways in a movie about castaways sitting around the fire with gull guts smeared on our faces pretending the gulls are prime rib, except instead of dead gulls its pun-based jokes, and instead of prime rib it’s something even more delicious. SWEET NECTAR OF LIFE!

Egg Nogging Hill

You And Me And Egg Nogveryone We Know

Mr. Holland’s Egg Nog

Honestly, that’s all I have. I’m delirious from egg nog deprivation. Have fun. If you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom SAWING MY HEAD OFF AND CRYING.