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This book is a land mine of explosive information coming from the quirky mind of a 91-year-old guy who thinks he's still okay but his 29-year-old wife believes he's pushing his luck. Who is right? Decide by reading about such fascinating topics as "The most fateful words a woman can utter" ... "The software giant run by The Three Stooges" ... "How I bought General Motors for $387" ... "My best pickup line - 'Miss, wanna see the men's room?'" ... "The need to license shopping cart drivers" ... "Buying a blow-up doll to use the carpool lane" ... "My great acting career as a horse" .. "How Hollywood won the Civil War"... "Revenge on the Telemarketers" ... and so much more. All of this entertainment, wisdom, and utter nonsense comes to you unadulterated in a dazzling array of forms: Essays, Rants, Bald-Faced Lies, and encounters with women in such exotic locales as Thailand, the Philippines, and Nutley, New Jersey. Plus some serious stuff. And, at no extra cost, three short stories. Buy this book, and after you've done that, read it. You'll agree, it's "Not Your Everyday Memoir!"

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About the Author

The author has been a professional writer for 70 years (well, he's 91 and still writing). He's had some jaw-dropping/mind/numbing experiences writing and producing TV and radio commercials for several major ad agencies. He became a pilot and then was an editor with three aviation magazines and later found his sweet spot as an independent writer. At age 80 he began a series of 20 trips to Asia in search of a wife and wrote a book about that. To combat the tedium of the overseas flights he began writing and publishing short stories and is still doing that. In his spare time he's an actor, singer, and public speaker. He views almost everything in a humorous light and that light shines through in his writing. An ex-New Yorker, ex-Californian, he now lives with his wife Fely in Florida.

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You’re a writer and you’ve clawed your way to the senior rung of life. But you probably haven’t gotten there without hearing at least one acquaintance suggest: “You have such wonderful stories! Why not write your autobiography?”

Don’t. Autobiographies are boring. Who wants to hear about your parents and grandparents, your trials in grammar school? Instead, follow Keith Connes’ model: write your memoirs. His book Not Your Everyday Memoir!: Humorous Essays, Lies, Rants, Short Stories and More! even has an essay entitled “Why You Should Write a Memoir.”

Throughout this book, Connes follows good memoir rules. First, he showcases his wonderful memory. He recalls his fifties radio interview with Carl Sandburg so well that he reproduces the way the famed poet pronounced his name. (“‘Connes,’ he declared, savoring it as if it were a fine wine. ‘Connnesss.’”)

Second, he’d made it funny. There are very few incidents that he recalls on which he can’t put a comic spin. Including the dark ones. I’ll get to one later.

Third, he doesn’t include tedious details about his life. Only the entertaining ones, please.

And fourth, he makes it not just about him. Like a George Carlin standup routine, the book is more about his role as a universal observer of the human plight. He’s had time to learn this fundamental truth of successful comedy: spotlight the lone individual’s conflict against a random and unfeeling universe of authority, stodginess, regulations, and doublespeak. Jonathan Swift did. Mark Twain did. Richard Pryor did. Connes is apparently in good company.

When I was in college, there was a name for individuals who performed skits in real life, sometimes to the amusement of onlookers, more often to the consternation of those-in-charge. They were called “screamers.” (I was often tagged with that moniker.) Keith Connes is a screamer. He would slip into pantomimes when checks were handed to him after a dinner. (Omigod, this bill is so much, I’m fainting with shock.) Other times he would wait for his wife to drive home and jump in front of her car in mock urgency. One day it backfired on him, but I’ll not say how.

He inserts three short stories into the collection. Two are humorous, one is sad. Their traditional elements include surprise endings and cross-purpose points of view. One even has a Twilight Zone-style science fiction theme, but with a comic undercurrent. (I’m thinking of the TZ episode “The Whole Truth,” in which a dishonest car salesman is sold a car that makes him incapable of lying.) While not my cup of Darjeeling, these stories will appeal to some readers for their retro charm.

In one of his essays, he mentions the curmudgeon commentator Andy Rooney, who used his 60 Minutes pulpit to complain about life’s minor annoyances. But Andy never complained about hearing aids not being able to work in reverse, so you could tune things out. Nor does he stoop so low to yammer about the two types of annoying children on airplanes: the squalling infant who won’t shut up and the restless adolescent who keeps kicking the back of your seat. Of course not. That would have brought angry letters from the “babyist” brigade. But Connes does, and how hilariously inappropriate of him! And how could you not finish an essay that begins with this teaser: “A recent airliner crash once again underscores the attempts that the news channels will make to create BREAKING NEWS! where there is none.” Isn’t that something we’ve all noticed? And doesn’t it – to borrow a catchphrase from the fifties – “get your goat”?

Here is one that neither Andy Rooney nor even modern curmudgeons would dare say on TV: “. . . then comes the warning that I feel really needs clarification. The announcer says, ‘For an erection lasting more than four hours, seek medical treatment at once.’An erection lasting more than four hours? I’m left to wonder, medical treatment for whom – the guy or his partner?”

I hadn’t thought of that twist on this ridiculous disclaimer. But I’m glad I know it now. I might just steal it for my next social gathering.

Speaking of “down there,” Connes has a piece entitled “Fun with Prostate Cancer.” In it he not only reveals that he has prostate cancer, but actually manages to put a humorous spin on his experiences with the dreaded disease. After the operation, notorious for the sexual problems it causes, he relates how he asked a fellow sufferer to show him his “malleable penile implant.” I won’t tell you how that went; you’ll just have to buy the book.

In Man and Superman, George Bernard Shaw wrote “[an artist] steals the mother's milk and blackens it to make printer's ink.” Keith Connes has taken blood and pain, annoyance, exasperation, and sheer eye-rolling incredulity and turned them all into glowing pixels of prose.

Keith Connes delivers what his recent book title promises - not youreveryday memoir! This fascinating memoir is an aesthetic delight to read,mostly humorous but also thoughtfully serious at times. The author depictscolorful aspects of his interesting life as a Madison Avenue ad man, apilot, an aviation journalist, an actor, a director, a singer, a publicspeaker, a son, a husband, a father but always, always a writer. Hechronicles the penchant for entertainment that his father imparted to himand the moral decency he learned by osmosis from his mother that ultimatelyled to his decision not to "successfully" fritter away his life at two ofthe world's largest advertising agencies but instead to become a freelancewriter with multiple avocations.His distinctive strength is that of a classic humor writer. He has a roguishsense of humor that is a delightful combination of George Burns, GeorgeCarlin, Woody Allen and Andy Rooney. His humorous imagination is displayedin his semi-journalistic treatment of the meeting of the Punsters Society,his child-like wonder about how to go with the flow and enjoy whateveradversities arise, and his indignant rants about everyday annoyances likeroad repair rage and consumer maltreatment. He combines a grasp of technicalaviation and computer information with a flair for the dramatic, theendearing and the exotic in human relationships.Connes is a man who admittedly goes "through life pushing the envelope"Reading his memoir is one way to safely and hilariously live vicariouslythrough him while he shares his career and romantic misadventures withperceptive emotional honesty. This is also a memoir of a multi-talented manwho has always kept his own counsel, while courageously and humorouslycoping with serious medical issues, the abduction of his daughter, andanti-Semitic bullying.I promise you that reading this memoir will bring a knowing smile to yourface. It is an easy bedroom or bathroom read and an inviting entree into hismany other books.

One of the more entertaining books I've had the pleasure to read in a long time! Inventive, creative and poetic use of language lends a comical and slightly irreverent tone to the entire tome. Sheer delight in experiencing the author's antics on and off stage, and recognizing many of those shenanigans in his speeches. That the author is a spry 91 year old gentleman who still participates in humorous speech contests is a testament to the enduring influence his time on stage has had. The book is full of short stories, anecdotes and philosophies that span a rich lifetime, with some surprises along the way, some that may raise an eyebrow, but ultimately relax into guffaw and recognition of everything human. A wonderful retreat.

Mr. Connes has truly created a wonderful vacation for the mind with this collection of shorts. Each and every section offers points of interest, intrigue, and ideas that can only come from a man who has experienced life to its fullest. I quite literally could not wipe the smirk off my face as I joined him on his quirky journeys. The book is full of lighthearted enjoyment, fascinating viewpoints, engaging topics and perhaps most importantly, a glimpse into the curious mind of one Mr. Keith Connes. A true pleasure of a read.