Wednesday's Edge: Law and Order: North Pole: Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, Part 2

Scene VThe Kringle compound at the North Pole. Detectives Briscoe and Logan ring the doorbell. Santa Claus opens the door.

Briscoe: Santa Claus? Santa: Yes?Briscoe: You're under arrest for vehicular homicide. Logan moves behind Santa and cuffs him.Logan: You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney...

Scene VICourtroom. Santa's on the stand.Assistant D.A. Jack McCoy: Mr. Claus, where were you when Grandma got run over?Santa: At the Krieg house, in Berlin, delivering toys. McCoy: Any witnesses?Santa: No. They were all asleep.McCoy: So you broke in? Santa: On the contrary. They left a snack for me. Milk and streudel. And this note. (He holds up a paper with scribbling on it.) McCoy:(Scoffing) Anyone could have written that. Santa: You're going on the naughty list, young man.

Scene VIIICourtroom. Grandpa's on the stand.McCoy: Why did you wait until the next morning before searching for Grandma? What were you doing all that time?Grandpa: Watching football. Drinking beer and playing cards with Cousin Mel. McCoy: You seem to be taking this all pretty well, considering your wife of 57 years was just run over and killed by a large ungulate.Grandpa:(Shrugs) Life goes on.McCoy: Cousin Mel's not really your cousin, is she? You met her online six weeks ago, and you've been having an affair ever since, isn't that right? Grandpa: No! McCoy: You're under oath, Grandpa! We know about the life insurance. $1 million policy, with yourself the beneficiary. You got the boy to lie for you, didn't you? Grandpa: But the hoof prints. The Claus marks... it was Santa! McCoy(holds up a deer hoof): You're a hunter, aren't you, Grandpa? We found this in your trophy room. Grandpa(hangs his head): It's true. I killed her. I paid the boy to say Santa did it. I just wanted to drink beer, play cards, watch a little football. But the old bag wouldn't let me... Briscoe and Logan appear to put handcuffs on Grandpa. As they lead him out, Schiff appears next to McCoy.Schiff: Liquor and cards. The downfall of many a good man.McCoy: Oscar Wilde?Schiff: Sister Mary Frances. She wielded a helluva paddle.