A Serious Relationship With a Good Filipina Girl?

This is a guest post from a US expat I met in the Philippines. He comments on this blog as ‘RealGuy’. He’s been living in the Philippines since 2012, and met his long term Filipina girlfriend on an online dating site.

My Long term Relationship with a Filipina Girl

Everyone knows the Philippines is only filled with dumb sluts and it’s impossible to find a nice girl there, right? If you read online forums, it’s easy to get that impression, but I don’t think its accurate.

It may be harder to find them, but there’s some nice girls out there. But even if you do find them, they might not be what you’re looking for. I’ll get to that later.

Why would you want to be stuck in a relationship with a Pinay?

I know you’re probably asking that. Well, long story short, I’ve found I’m generally happier in a relationship. I like sex, but once I’m sated, I tend to find more enjoyment in pursuing my interests, and I prefer to not have to worry about hunting for new pussy or dating.

I liked the feeling of having a new girl when I wanted, but most of them got annoying after sex and after a while the novelty tapered off.

I’m not gonna lie and say everything is perfect, but I can’t think of how things would be much better in my current relationship. I’ve been with the same girl for over a year, and she takes care of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and we have a lot of fun together.

Temptation for other girls never goes away but overall I can’t think of a time in my life I’ve been this happy.

What makes Filipina Girls unique

I’ve traveled most of Asia, but didn’t date many women outside the Philippines. I was always drawn to the intensity of Filipinas’ emotions. They can be the most loving / happy people, but also the most needy / clingy.

Even though this can be a bad combination to make long term plans over, I wouldn’t write them all off, and for many guys it might be the best thing out there.

I might be different from most guys, so I’m not advocating this life for everyone, but I told Jspill I’d write this in case other guys are interested in pursuing a similar path – a long term relationship with a Filipina.

I would say, it’s probably not a good idea to date anyone seriously here unless you’ve been to the Philippines at least a few times and read all the horror stories. Because everything is based on image, you can easily be thrown off by a girl who does everything right on paper.

I’ve gone through a bunch of phases of elation and disillusionment before I feel I could put together a full picture of the dating scene. I don’t think it needs to be that involved, but at least know what you’re getting in to and avoid seeing everything through rosy eyed glasses if you don’t want to be disappointed.

But all warnings aside, I don’t regret anything about my time living in the Philippines.

Types of Girls in the Philippines

I used to bang randoms in the Philippines, but also had a handful of LTRs. I dated all kinds of women ranging from slum princesses to spoiled models, and some of them could be considered “nice girls”. They can come from different backgrounds, but I noticed a few patterns that apply for most of the good ones.

Nice girls seem to fall into two main camps. On one hand you’ll have the poor, feminine, ultra-selfless hardworking girl. On the other hand, you may also come across responsible upper-class women that might make decent partners. There are issues with both.

The poor girls often bring the baggage of lazy families looking to exploit them, and the rich girls often see feminine tasks like cooking and cleaning below them. So, you might not even want either of them in the long run. But anyway, let’s assume you’re still interested.

Finding a Good Girl

I consider good girls to be those who live a responsible life, are selfless and considerate of others.

Usually it becomes apparent quickly if you’re dealing with someone who is shy to accept big favors and happy to give their kindness freely, or someone entitled and expecting constant maintenance.

While it’s impossible to come up with a measure that applies universally, I think it’s usually easy to tell how someone leans once you’ve spent enough time with them. Many women love to put up an image of these qualities, but few can keep a facade going for a while without showing cracks.

Aside from kindness, another key aspect is self-control. A woman with a long history of choosing bad partners and failed relationships shows bad judgment. Probably the biggest pitfall of dating Filipinas is their lack of foresight and impulsivity.

I’ve dated lots of Filipinas who seemed perfect on paper, only to have their full stories unravel the longer we dated. I would recommend not getting too serious with anyone, and not committing to anything until you’ve been dating them for a couple weeks.

Responsibility is very important in the long term if you want to be with someone you can trust. While at times it can seem like all Filipinas are lazy flakes, there’s actually a good portion of women out there who are responsible and mature.

Often they’re not the hottest ones out there, but you’ll come across some if you meet a range of Pinays.

Meet Different Types of Filipina Girls

When I met my current girlfriend, I didn’t put any filter on who I was meeting. I was matching girls on tinder, messaging girls on dateinasia and filipinocupid, and setting up dates for any opening I had.

I would invite the hiso girls to a nice dinner to test the waters, bang the call center girls after inviting them up to watch a movie, and everything in between. I probably missed some bangs in the process, but it was fun, and it was nice to break up the monotony.

I enjoyed all the time I spent with people, and it gave me a chance to see the differences between different interactions with people, and whether or not I would enjoy them beyond a purely sexual level.

It took me a few dates before my girlfriend ended up in my bed, but by that time I was already bored with the other women out there, and the levels of selflessness she showed was well appreciated in full context.

I wasn’t even looking for a relationship anytime soon, and I wasn’t quick to jump into it, but it became clear pretty quickly which scenario made me happiest.

Finding a Virgin in the Philippines?

The Philippines is a very Catholic country, and sometimes you’ll come across legitimate virgins who are saving themselves for marriage. While this is a rarity in the west, many Filipinos expect it.

While I admire women who can do this, I think this is risky territory for most men. I have dated virgins, but the issue with sex before marriage put way too much unnecessary pressure on the relationship.

If you’re a guy with a conscience, it makes you pressured to try and make it work if you popped her cherry but don’t want to stick with it. To add more complication, many women lie about their virginity to trap guys into commitment.

Of course, it’s up to you, but I’d try to avoid most virgins if you’re hung up over it unless the girl isn’t making a huge deal about it. I prefer women who’ve had a handful of committed relationships over a long time span than a complete virgin, but that’s me.

Where to meet Good Girls

Finally, where to meet them. Well, the issue with good girls is they’re often busy. Many of them are working all week long, and spending the weekend doing chores or going to church. If you’re a normal Westerner, you don’t come into their picture most times.

But many of them are frustrated with the local dating scene – Filipinos have a reputation for leaving their girlfriends after getting them pregnant, or are seen as lazy. I don’t know if all of those stereotypes are fair, and I’ve seen examples to the contrary, but that is what many Filipinas are thinking.

Whether it’s a rationalization or moral justification for them to date men from wealthier backgrounds, I don’t know, but it’s a motivation that pushes some of them on to dating sites.

You may be able to find them during the day, but I’ve found online dating to be easier. Even the sketchy ones have girls who join, stay a few weeks, then leave. A lot of them have friends or relatives who met their future husbands through these platforms, so the women try their luck at it also.

But they don’t stay long. Usually they join, their profile get flooded by sex cam requests, they realize it’s mostly guys trying to bang them and they quit.

So go after the ones who are flagged as new members, exchange Viber contacts, and chat with them. If they quit the site and are still talking with you on the regular, chances are you’re one of their main priorities.

Have fun

Even though this post is geared towards finding good girls in the Philippines, don’t ever a woman pressure you in to it. Filipinas can be sweet, but they can also be quite demanding and emotionally volatile, always poking for weaknesses in your sense of pity or duty.

If you prioritize your happiness, I don’t think you can go wrong. Do what makes you happy, and if you come across a girl who enhances your life, see where it goes.

But only do it if it’s what you want. I’ve been pretty happy with my life since I met my girlfriend, and I know it might not be for everyone, but it might be the kind of lifestyle that works for you.

Either way, just figured I’d throw out something to think about. Have fun, and see you out there.

Well shit, I’m seeing a main girl right now and it’s a push-pull cat-mouse game tug of war. She calls me her boyfriend, but I’m a little afraid bc at the same time she is super sweet, but I simply do not trust her. I’ve scoped her out and saw her Tagged accounts, and her reactivated DIA accounts.

Instead of micromanaging her, I might just start going on dates again and add a new one on the roster in case she falls.

I’d start going on dates again and add more to the roster. I think the moment you get caught up in a girl to the point that you’re scoping out her social media or checking her phone, it’s a very unhealthy mindstate.

How serious / committed a girl is is usually in proportion to how serious we are. Take realguy for example as he said in this post he lives with his GF, it’s a full time relationship. So for him it works.

Filipinas always keep their options open I’ve noticed, until they’re living full time with a guy / married with kids. I think it’s never going to work if your approach is to micromanage, check phone logs and social media.

I get blocked by boyfriends of Filipinas quite often in FB messenger, the guy has read her phone, found my messages and suddenly I get the ‘you cannot reply to this conversation’ error. I notice those relationships always end, the girl ends up resenting the guy.

It’s one reason I keep a rotation going, to keep me from getting attached to one particular girl.

It’s to the point where I don’t know, ask, or care if a girl is seeing other guys. Most of them I assume aren’t, based on their behavior, but if I found out tomorrow all of them had a sidepiece, I wouldn’t sleep any less.

The only girl I KNOW isn’t banging any other guys is a girl I took the virginity of. She’s needy as fuck but hey, she’s reliable, lol.

Honestly, if you’re fucking around, and not giving into her needs, can you be upset if she’s looking for a guy who will commit? Meh. On the other hand, if she’s given you her word that you’re the only guy she’s interested in, and then she fucks around, she’s a liar, regardless as to whether or not it constitutes as cheating.

If I was Mikey, it would boil down to this: How hot is she? How good is the sex. If she’s a 7.5+ and is great in bed, I’d keep her, but downgrade to a once a week bang. Any less attractive and just next her, not worth the effort.

Ok, my 10 cents of advice.
First and foremost there is no rich or middle class Filipina who will even turn to look on a foreigner. Not unless she wants something from him.
For all the other girls, a foreigner is a source of income or a passport to a better country.
There are some rare exceptions as rare as winning the lotto.
Now since she got together with you in a marriage, if her life is good she will treat you as her king but bear in mind they are extremely possessive and jealous. If her life is not what she expected she will be with you in the same way you would be in a job you do not like, because that’s what you become, her job.

“For all the other girls, a foreigner is a source of income or a passport to a better country.”

I agree with the financial gains but i don’t think the passport part is true. They love their country and they do not like it when foreigners criticise it even though they know it’s a shithole. They prefer the foreigner to be living in PH so it’s easier for him to support her and her family, and the whole god damn village if you are lucky.

@Realguy, this is the problem. A foreign guy spent too much time in PH on his own and gets lonely and insecure, and too much sex becomes meaningless. This is the time you shouldn’t drop your guard.

I dont know, even though theyre irrationally proud of all things Filipino, theyre quite keen on leaving. Around most of Asia, the Philippines passport is one of the worst because Filipinos have a reputation for overstaying illegally in other countries.

I wouldnt mind giving her family a few thousand pesos a month for food etc but my gf doesnt want me to since as she says, theyre her problem. She knows if she gives them money theyre just gonna blow it in all in a week and waste it.

“Filipinos have a reputation for overstaying illegally in other countries.” That’s new to me.

I do know a large percentage are migrant workers mostly in Saudi Arabia as domestic workers but that’s often not by choice. They’ll rather be close to their family or kid.

She sounds like a decent girl and she’s not the problem. Soon, she’ll be left with little options but to give in to her family’s demands when they start to get desperate and annoyed with her. The family is aways the hassle, imo

Yea Filipinos even have a word for those who work illegally, called tago na tago or something (hide and hide).

“The family is aways the hassle, imo”

Yea I agree, but this isnt an issue really with middle class and above girls. Unfortunately still an issue with my girls family.

I didnt give any money for the first 8 months, but then I wanted to travel around Asia for a few months together, so I covered her tickets and most of the shared expenses. Had to put money in her account for some first world visas but other than that she doesnt need an allowance or anything. She has a decent job for the Philippines.

As for her family, she just covers bills and food since otherwise theyre gonna waste it. Shes focusing on supporting her responsible siblings so they will be successful, the others are a lost cause.

You’re a gentleman and very generous to show you care and appreciate her. Good on you.

But don’t show your generosity to her family just to be liked. That’s when they will take advantage and ask for never ending handouts (of course, they will call it a loan with no intentions of ever paying you back),

Good advice. Im not so worried about what her parents think since they basically exploited and lived off my gf since she was 12. She raised her younger siblings and put herself through college so she doesnt owe them anything.

At the same time I figure they have the mental capacity of children and cant really plan things through past a day, so I pity them a bit. So if theyre really struggling then its no big deal to buy them groceries etc.

The idea of a girlfriend is nice, but the reality sucks balls. GFs just require too much sacrifice. You have to give her attention, listen to her stupid problems, remember important days, meet her friends/family, and just spend a ton of money and time doing things that you don’t want to do. I think a much better idea is to get a couple reliable fuck buddies and/or become a regular with a pro. Use that extra time/energy you say to work online and you’ll come out ahead anyways.

These arent issues if you screen correctly. My gf is a net positive for productivity by taking care of all the household chores, cooking, and a lot of logistics. Yes I still need to remember important days, but not a huge deal for me.

Ymmv but it should become apparent pretty quick if a girl is the type you want to kick out of your place or have stick around.

The problem that I have is that even the ones that I want to hang out with are still not a very good use of time. Sure, hanging out with a chill girls is fun, but hanging out with chill guys is more fun. Thus if I want to hangout I should hangout with guys. Plus, the probability of my guy friends still being my guy friends in a few years is many times higher.

i find funny when guys consider a great advantage having a gf who does the laundry, clean and cook… it seems they dont know most condos have laundry and maid service and u can have food from dozens of restaurants delivered through foodpanda… and all these services are really cheap in philippines.

it should be viewed the other way around.
its not ” a girlfriend is not justified because you dont need it for taking care of the home”
its rather:
”
if you re gonna have a girlfriend, well, at least she shoyld take care of those menial tasks for you”
of course they re a bad deal overall, but people will get one anyway for companionship/societal pressure.
so at least use them to their full extent. you woyld not buy a car that aint able to go on tbe highway? ( ecologist do..)
so take a full fledhed one.
women have three reasons for their existence:
sex
reproduction
chores
they shlould do at leadt 2 of them to be of any use, preferably all.
oh by the way, western women have none.

My pinay lives with me. She can be sweet but also a pain in the ass. It’s like living with a 10 year old in their mental capacity. They can’t do simple tasks without supervision. They get bored easy and start trouble. Mood swings and tampo is the norm. I’d try to find a smarter one next time.

I read the article and one thing that’s missing is discussion of marriage.

I’ve been in a serious relationship with a Pinay and my experiences mirror most of the comments.

She had a good heart and good intentions, but she couldn’t keep up with me and I couldn’t make her any better at it. I’m no rocket scientist, but even with the bar set really REALLY low, she couldn’t reach it. I figured I’d be setting myself up for trouble if I didn’t cut her loose. And I hear that story over and over.

There are exceptions though.

I feel like Pinays make perfect girlfriends. Loving and caring. Sincerely emotional. But for me, there’s not a tangible benefit to marrying one – compared to the other options out there. Everything that a Pinay wife can give you, a live in Pinay girlfriend can do with less long term risk.

All women are risky investments, but if you had to choose, I’d at least choose one where you can get something in return like a passport or some money. (Taiwan, Singapore, Hong Kong, Korea)

Most of the time, marrying a Pinay wouldn’t get you anything valuable because most foreigners aren’t dating within their social class. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it is unused potential – love aside)

If you’re coming from the West. why would you use your strong position to settle? You’re very lucky to be from where you are. This is a long way from home not to be doing the best that you can be doing.

You could pick a developed nation that has a big middle class, or you can skip that and carry all of life’s financial responsibilities yourself.

If you choose not to, some guys believe that’s the way things should be anyways. The woman stays in the house, the man brings home the cash.

If you need a clean house and a good meal, get a maid and takeout.

If that’s the case, unless you want kids, why bother marrying?

If you’re not going to marry, just have a girlfriend.

And if you just want a girlfriend, why would you only have one girlfriend?

Yea, Im not advocating this path for everyone, and marriage is one of those things that shouldnt be done unless it gives tangible benefits.

Keeping a pinay as a gf only might be hard long term. Youll always be treated as a second class citizen and given trouble in minor situations where otherwise there wouldnt be any. If youre based overseas, it helps turn that Philippines passport from shit to gold and makes life easier for everyone. If youre going to be in the Philippines long term, it makes the visa situation and business opportunities way better.

Because the customer service is shit, and the economy is protectionist, putting up a business there in your pinay wife’s name wouldnt be the worst thing you could do.

Also, nothing is zero sum with women. Marrying a good passport or a hiso Pinay might make financial and visa situations easier, but those women will usually be more entitled, less caring, and see feminine qualities as below them.

But everyone has different preferences when it comes to finance, nurturing, education, etc. The easiest LTR measure is, at the end of the day, does she make your life better or worse than when you were single?

I see WAYYYYY too many guys on RVF talking about how they only date “hi-so” Asian girls. I’m thinking….why? Who the fuck cares what her bank account has in it? I’m not fucking her for money. Even the “rich” girls in the Phils are barely middle class by American standards. The only reason is for ego. “Yeah I’m so awesome she’s fucking me for my awesome game not my $$$”. It’s not hard to say “No” is she asks for something. And you know what? Girls I’m with know better than to ask. I make it clear I’m not a fucking ATM. They might be fucking some other guy and he may be giving her money, or maybe not, not my problem.

Rich girls are overrated. As long as she has a job and isn’t asking you for money, you really shouldn’t care how much money she has.

9 out of 10 times she has no money on her own and everything is financed by daddy and sure as hell she is looking for another guy to ball out on her just like daddy.

I was eating at the fanciest mall in town the other day and a bunch of girls sitting on the table next to me were speaking a mix of Thai, English and German. At least one of them was into me, but as I had no particular interest in talking to them, as Germany is very anti male and that sure as hell must’ve rubbed off. I just minded my own business. Next thing you know the girls were guessing how much I earn (100k baht) and the girl who fancied me the most hamstered that I was too poor for her before they left. 😀

Afterwards I went to a soapy and banged a girl with equal looks for 2k.

No need to play a PUA clown or deal with shit tests of over privileged girls that think they deserve millionaires.

Where are you dating all these retards? I’ve met plenty of pinays capable of deep conversation and thinking for themselves. yeah, 70% of them are basically sweet girls with children’s minds, but when you’re dating dozens of them over the course of months, are you honestly suggesting not a single one had a decent head on her shoulders?

If you are, you’re either in a really poor area for dating girls (move the fuck out of BFE) or you’re selecting poorly. Like the old saying goes: Hot, sane, intelligent: Pick any two. I’ve found this to be true world-wide. If you find a girl who’s HOT (8 or higher) SANE (as far as women go) AND Intelligent, you’ve found a fucking unicorn, and should marry her immediately.

Yes, weve lived together pretty much 24/7 for most of the last 9 months across many different countries.

But I wouldn’t jump into a live in relationship if you don’t need to. Ive dated chicks who I couldn’t stand after a few hours and it sucks balls to be in that situation.

Thats why I say, meet everyone and the ones who you enjoy spending time with keep around. Everything comes naturally from there. I havent planned anything about my current relationship for a long time, it all just fell in to place.

Anyone that is gun shy about doing this in the Philippines, I would look at the option of getting it done in Hong Kong. It’s not that difficult, and not that expensive.

The idea of getting married in the Philippines doesn’t really appeal to me all that much for a multitude of reasons, but I’m not getting any younger, and I’ve found a good one, and it’s important to her for cultural reasons I’m sure we’ve all encountered.

I think that a lot of women will turn a blind eye to extra curricular activities once you give them undisputed #1 status, provided that you are smart / careful enough to keep it hidden.

I think you cant really judge a woman until youve spent consistent time in person with them, though you may get lucky.

But Id look for a girl who has some combination of very selfless and responsible. If theyre acting, they wont be able to keep it up for long, they will come up with rationalizations and drama for why the actions don’t meet the words.

Jealousy, insecurity, neediness are forgivable and part of the trade offs with dating a pinay. Dishonesty and unreliability are not forgivable imo, and ignoring them will cause more trouble down the road.

Lots of interesting points & advice. I’m married to Filipina for10 years & she has been a good wife. I’m lucky I found her. Initial days when we met she was the same what Real Guy was referring to but as the time passes by we can’t expect them to be same (doing all the chores & stuff). Your relationship takes the next step where we live for each other rather being one sided.

I would say it’s a hit & miss to find the right Filipina & depends how much you are willing to give in.

>but as the time passes by we can’t expect them to be same (doing all the chores & stuff).

South East Asian women have a strong desire to show social dominance, so they inevitably tend to push for getting a maid that they can boss around and for eating in fancy restaurants over cooking by herself and getting a high status car, preferably with a driver over taking taxis / uber.

It’s all bait and switch really and a guy can never be on top of his came if he has a woman around that drags him down and nags him to spend all his money on useless status display shit.

Going out for food, drinks, entertainment, travel, etc. with a woman of a different socioeconomic class is interesting, to say the least. For people earn like $2/hr working the grave yard shift, spending $10 can seem like “a lot” money.