Wednesday, August 3, 2011: I’m writing this from 32,000 feet. I’m flying to San Diego for the BlogHer conference and I’m trying to deal with my adult-onset, highly illogical but very real fear of flying by typing maniacally on a keyboard and not thinking about the fact that I’m writing this from 32,000 feet. Thank you for being here for me.
Love,
Herman

I took this photo on the ranch just a few weeks ago. I was driving from the highway to our house and I suddenly beheld the beauty of the sky and the grass, and I slammed on my brakes so I could hop out of the car and take this photo. During the process, a pile of grocery bags avalanched in the back–I’d stacked them a little too high–and my hazelnut latte from McDonald’s sloshed all over my center console and filled my car with coffee odor and shame.

That was back when McDonald’s was new and novel and brought such promise to our small-town lives. That was back when I was driving to town every single day and getting great big hazelnut lattes. Every single day. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to having a Starbucks nearby. And they were very sweet and very creamy. And I wasn’t sorry.

On a separate note, I still can not for the life of me figure out where in the world this extra six pounds came from! Hmmm. It’s just a complete mystery to me!

And yes, I realize avalanche is not a verb. But it should be.

Don’t you be eyeballin’ me, boy…

I love this kid. He’s a sweet pile preciousness wrapped in 81 pounds of muscle. You know what he said to me last night after I made him a snack? I’ll tell you what he said to me last night after I made him a snack. I’ll tell you right now, in fact.

He said, “Mama? How in the world did you learn to cook such awesome things?”

And I answered him. I said, “Just years and years of intense kitchen experience, son.”

And he replied. He said, “Well, I can’t believe the things you can cook!”

You know what I’d cooked him? I’d cooked him an egg. One single, solitary egg. But I do have to say, it was definitely one of my better eggs.

Right after that, he said something else to me. He said, “Mama, I tell you what. I just don’t know what I’d do without you.”

And it wasn’t sappy, either. He said it like he was talking to a buddy. Giving a buddy a friendly pat on the arm.

And here’s what I said to him: “I pretty much feel the same way about you, B-man.”

(Waaaaaaaaaaaah! I’m on a plane and he’s at home in the nest without me and I forgot to tell Marlboro Man to make him a single solitary egg tonight!)

Man. Am I one big, jiggly bundle of issues.

Butthead. He’d better not be on my memory foam right now.

I just retrieved this photo from my cell phone. It was taken by the blonde boy you see above on the day I whipped his father’s buttocks in that glorious shooting match at the Lodge in April. Don’t I look like someone who thinks she’s tough and awesome and Annie Oakley?

Back to the original photo for a second. You know what else it makes me think of? How vibrant and verdant the ranch was just a mere few weeks ago. Just look at that grass. So lush and nutritive and beautiful. And now…well, you just wouldn’t believe it. Well…yes, you would believe it if you happen to live in Oklahoma or Texas or Kansas or the other parts of the country that are experiencing drought and temperatures than can only be described as hell-like. It’s not lush anymore. It’s not green. It’s brown. Crunchy. Dying. And dead.

It was 112 degrees on the ranch yesterday. Let me just write that out for you.

One hundred and twelve de-dang-grees.

It hurts to touch the window of the car from the inside when I’m driving down the road. It’s like when the odd fellow in Raiders of the Lost Ark grabs the medallion that’s been resting in the fire. My hand. It sizzles.

The cattle stand in the ponds all day to stay cool.

Charlie is starting to ask for ice baths. He’s never asked for ice baths before.

And when I go outside, I channel Frodo when he was lying on the hillside of Mount Doom:

“No, Sam. I can’t recall the taste of food…nor the sound of water or nor the touch of grass. I’m naked in the dark…with nothing. No veil between me and the ring of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes!”

Martha Sue On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:12 pm

That green grass is what our grass looks like here in Vermont! I am guessing that is why they call it the “Green Mountain State”. According to the weatherman we had one of the driest July’s on record and everything is still bright/lime green outside. I feel so bad for the midwest

Oh, Valerie, you described it perfectly–this heat has made it look like the dead of winter! I was just thinking that this morning, while worrying that fall may not be quite as beautiful this year… Bummer.

I attended the first two Blogher conferences and they were amazing. The only reason I haven’t returned is because of scheduling conflicts. If you have the opportunity to attend next year..go, you won’t be sorry!

Have so much fun at BlogHer! Still praying for some rain for you guys!

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Janie On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:22 pm

Thanks for making my day! You are just plain funny…but I understand about the flying thing. And you are lucky to be getting out of here for our very hottest day ever in Oklahoma (so they are saying). Have fun in Cali!

seasidegal On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:24 pm

Oh my goodness PW… you aren’t by chance drinking one (or twelve) of those lattes at the moment are you? * GIGGLE * You just seem a little… excited? Yes, that’s the word. This whole post had me laughing, so whatever you’re partaking of, have one (or twelve) for me. ; )

Happy traveling,

~ Deb

Kimberly, OKC On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:44 pm

Nope, she’s drinking a Harvey Wallbanger to keep away the nerves!!

Deborah Tynan On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:56 pm

That explains it! ; )

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Maggie On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:26 pm

You need to go to the Lincoln Room in downtown San Diego, you will love it! And enjoy the cooler weather, we are having some beautiful weather right now!

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Jacki On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:26 pm

You will be fine, Ree….tell us about the ‘beagle’….it it a puppy?

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Ali On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:27 pm

It’s incredibly hot here in Houston as well! I hope San Diego is a little cooler for you.

Being a pretty much life-long northerner, I can’t imagine dealing with triple digit temperatures day after day. Heck, it hits 90 around here and you’d swear we were all going to melt. Hearing about how hot it is lately reminds me of a church service I heard as a kid. The air conditioning was broken, and it was well over 100 degrees in church. Due to the heat, the pastor kept his sermon really short. He said “You may think it’s hotter than Hell in here. It’s not.”

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Amber H On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:28 pm

You will definetly enjoy the weather here in Southern California. It is much better than 112 degrees. The nice part about it is, if you get too hott you can run and jump in the Pacific Ocean…that’ll cool you right off!

Weemah On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:29 pm

That green grass looks beautiful. Oh to see green grass. But in order to see green grass here in Central Texas we’d have to see rain and something outside of scorching temps. And like you already said we’re on the opposite end of that spectrum. So yeah, I’m grouchy and bitter about this excessive heat and drought. I’m working to get over it.

Hope you have a blast at BlogHer! Still praying for some rain also – we are on day 70 of 3-digit temps for the the summer here in the panhandle of Texas – it’s hot, hot, HOT! Forgot what GREEN grass looked like! Thanks for sharing!

I was just in San Diego last week. A welcome relief from the Hades heat of Arizona. Wish I could have been there this week, I so would have gone to see you! I hate to fly too and I’m so glad you have an entertainment section now for us movie buffs!

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Grandmafun On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:33 pm

Oh, that little boy of yours….I L-O-V-E that ‘look’….Eat him up with a spoon!! Well….all of your precious ones are, well…..precious!

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Crystaljean77 On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:33 pm

Ree – what kind of gun is that? Is it a browning – looks pretty darn close to my 12 gauge. I’m a sucker for “pretty guns”, meaning anything with engraving on it

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Sarah Clark On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:34 pm

Ah, Harvey Wallbanger. Haven’t thought about that name (or drink) in awhile. Reminds me of a “oh so college tacky” house girlfriends and I rented while in school. Our beloved cat was named Harvey Wallbanger. Geesh, that was a lifetime ago! Memories make me smile. Thanks.

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PennyPue On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:34 pm

Harvey,
Share with PW, she’s having a moment…..

That’s one BIG satellite dish ya got there. You use it to signal aliens??

Debra On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:38 pm

Amazing picture from the ranch! I love how the sky looks – and I feel your pain, it was 112ish here in Kansas City yesterday too!

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Loreli M-Arkansas On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:40 pm

Arkansas broke records today…where I am it’s a 114 degrees. We won’t go into the heat index which I am sure is at least 200 degrees. Ugh..it’s awful here and we need rain!!!! I feel your pain Oklahoma.

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KarolS On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:40 pm

Well……..I signed my emails Mary, Bloody Mary when I flew. Ha! Ha!

I just flew for the FIRST time in my life this past May. (I’m 44) I don’t know if I could do it again. I did go to NY which was SO amazingly FANTASTIC, I just might have to have another vodka induced flight with a splash of tomato juice!

The weight gain is from the heat…it does that to a body you know. Just blame the heat!

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jep On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:40 pm

Hang in there Ree, my husband was a pilot and he says planes are safer than cars. Having just been on a long road trip where people kept trying to run us down for no reason at all other than the fact that we were on the road with them, I agree!! Still, I am glad it is you and not me on that plane. It is the take-offs and the landings that I hate. I am OK once we are up there, but I just can’t sleep. Must be nice those folks that get on the plane and immediately go to sleep. Have fun in CA and enjoy some cool days. Wonder how much longer we will have these 100+ days. We are breaking records left and right around here.

Oh, and I bet that egg you fixed for your son was delish!! It was made with Mother-Love!!

Emily On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:11 pm

I agree with you in that I’m glad its her & not me! I hate flying too. I hate the takeoffs, landings and turns, especially where you have to circle the airport over and over. We are driving for 4 days (to get there and then 4 days back) to see our youngest & his wife rather than fly. I’m really hoping they’ll move closer someday!

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Tammy S On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:42 pm

My nephew, Nick just moved to San Diego. Please tell him hello. LOL This afternoon in Ex Tx its currently 106.. just an 1.5hr north of here its 110. Wishing it would rain, as we too need it so badly. Hope you have a safe and great trip…and that you can enjoy the beach while your there.

Much as I love your blogs, I especially love the ones about family……..about a little boy who loves you so much a single solitary egg makes him feel loved and special about his mom. Ree, that is what makes you so beautiful to me……….what you do for and with your family……day in day out…….day after day……..your family……forgive me…..I don’t care about BlogHer Conventions…….Food Network cooking sessions……..cookie classes, etc……….I love what you do for and with your family……..and that you take care of yourself and just give yourself time to B R E A T H E…………..and take a long soaky bath, and pick your toes…….and echo Ethel Merman……….and burp!

lilys On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:45 pm

Yes, it’s HOT!! (in Topeka…..) You have to do the Bloo thing…. it’s required.

I love your post. I too have a fear of flying and LOVE McD’s Lattes!! I’m going broke getting one in the mornings (only when it’s cold out!)

Do you have a Sonic in your little town? If so, the Java Chillers are amazingly, sinfully WONDERFUL!

PS – I also have an extra 6 pounds. Where do these come from??

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PenPen On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:52 pm

I can sympathize with your fear. While I don’t mind flying, my stomach revolts. Same thing on water. I desperately try concentrating on a good book.

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Alane On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:52 pm

Ree,
I totally feel the same way about flying! I fly 1-2 times a year…sometimes more. I used to LOVE it! Recently I am a freak..I start worrying about it weeks in advance. then on the plane I panic with every “sound” I hear. Flying next week Friday….already getting worried!

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Munchiedog On Wednesday, August 3 at 4:52 pm

Harvey, have a great time in San Diego. How could you not? Just love that place.

And yes, here in North Texas, we are in the same boat. One hundred and ten dang degrees today! It’s miserable. And my grass is crunchy. It hurts to walk bare-foot in it because it pokes my feet, whereas it used to just hurt because the red ants would bite my feet. Now there aren’t any red ants anymore; perhaps they burned up? Oh how we pray for rain!

I have developed a fear of flying…and after college, I was a FLIGHT ATTENDANT! Now, every SINGLE noise, rattle and bump scares me. I’ve determined I need to be pushing a beverage cart to feel comfortable. Maybe they’ll let you!

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Nancy E. from Wyoming On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:01 pm

You know he’s on the foam?!! Mine was laying on my pillow when I went to go to bed last night. Memory foam and the pillow! Enjoy San Diego!

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Nurseli On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:08 pm

The weather in San Diego is downright lovely compared to anywhere in the midwest right now. You’ll love it! And it will make it worth the flight! Have fun!

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Kylie Jo Klock On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:09 pm

Define Irony:

We currently have LOTR as background noise in the…. background. Kids are having a blast shouting “who they are” this time. Currently I’m Aeowyn… mainly cause I dig her red hair.

Hope you cool down a bit in Cali.

~Ky

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Susan in MO On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:09 pm

Plus One on the flying and the heat. I snapped a pic of 112 here in mid-MO on the way home from work yesterday. Satan called, he wants his weather back.

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Pam Morris On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:11 pm

Yep, you have the gift girl…what a blessing your family has with you at the helm! I feel like I know you, and that you are down the road from me in Atlanta!

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Sandi On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:12 pm

You’re welcome to come visit here where it is only 90’s. Of course, our humidity is so high, it will literally suck the breath out of your body when you step out of the airport A/C, you’ll be dripping in sweat by the time you walk the four rows of parking to get to the rental cars, and the pressure immediately makes you weigh an extra 5 pounds… but it’s a few degrees cooler according to the mercury! I absolutely cannot wait for the weather to cool down… which doesn’t happen around here until October or so… *sigh*

We traveled through KS and OK to Ar in June and I couldn’t believe how dry it was then and I know y’all have suffered with the extreme temperatures and lack of rain since then. It’s only 85 today in Wyoming and I’m thankful. Hope you have a great time in SD!

Oh I so hate to fly and Harvey would be my bestfriend. And I so do know what you are speaking of about all the changes outside. I live in NE Oklahoma and it is the pits. The cattle are doing their best to stay cool.

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Steph C On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:32 pm

Enjoy the cool weather in San Diego. The local weatherman in OKC said today was day 41 of 100 degrees or higher and he said to expect the same for the next 7. If you blog about the weather, just know I will be envious.

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CarrieB4 On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:36 pm

I feel your pain on flying. I don’t care for it either.

I live North of Houston and like previous comments, it’s just plain ole nasty. I’m to the point of freezing my underwear to stay cool. lol! Glad you have some water in your ponds. Our DD was on her way to Texas A & M earlier in the week and she said the ponds on the ranches along the drive have dried up.

I understand about the flying, I’m not that fond of it either. Your son is a cutie-pie and what he said was so sweet! Have fun in San Diego.

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Mickie On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:38 pm

Love all the pictures, and of course, your postings, and nothing like a “Nervous Nellie” on a flight! LOL…as an ex-stewardess (you know that term dates me), flying was and really is my favorite thing. There is such wonder in being up in the clouds, way above everything. You might want to let the crew know it makes you a little apprehensive, they may sneak you a little “nip”! Enjoy your conference, you will surely be amongst your dear friends…and maybe give a call to MM to get Charlie off your bed, and make those eggs…what a sweetheart that little one is!

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West Texas Cotton On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:38 pm

Just returned from San Diego and you’re going to LOVE the weather. The temperature ranged from 62 to 79, and these Texans nearly froze ~ we’re not used to that! We couldn’t even warm up enough to get in the ocean. Just enjoy the lovely weather and breeze off the ocean!

Mary Rose On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:46 pm

I well understand your love of McDonald’s Hazelnut lattes. I have the same problem with their Hazelnut iced coffees- and the same mysterious thing happens to my waist when I have one every day- but it is so luscious…

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Samie Romanin On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:46 pm

Welcome to sunny San Diego where the forecast today is 78 degrees! I hope you enjoy the cool windy evenings by the bay and the cool sunshine during the day. My mom visited from AR this weekend and the cool weather was very welcomed after 100+degree temps for weeks on end.

Norine On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:48 pm

Don’t forget about us here in AR! We hit 114 today…. and by 11:45am today, Fort Smith was the hottest place in the nation- and not hot as in hip- because Fort Smith is not hip.

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Laura Dunning On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:51 pm

Love that you call your little boy B-Man! That is what my husband and Father in law call my oldest step son. His name is Branden, but they call him B-Man. We even got him a personalized license plate with it on it

I love it when kids say nice things to their mamas. My son once told me thank you for NOT buying him a computer and a car. He learned the value of money that way. (He’ll turn 23 this week.)

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Margaret On Wednesday, August 3 at 5:51 pm

I grew up in San Diego. I miss San Diego. I live in Texas now. I’ve been told that Satan wants his weather back. Please blog about San Diego so I can relive the cool ocean breezes and sub-centennial temperatures through you. Thx!

Hope you get to cool down in SD! Loved the exchange between you and the B-man. As a mom of boys, I can attest that the things they say never cease to entertain, and they have a knack for those heart-melting lines. Love ‘em!

When I drove up to our mailbox the other day, I burned the heck out of my arm as I reached out to get the mail….”it sizzled”. Over 100 dang degrees here for many, many days. It’s at the point I can’t tell if I’m having a hot flash, or if it’s just the “dang” heat. Now, about those ice baths…

Barbara Stuart RN On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:05 pm

Ree–You are crazy if you think you will see much green in California in the summertime. I grew up there and it starts turning BROWN around late March or early April. Except everyone has to have a GREEN lawn, so the sprinklers run constantly. But have fun anyway.

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Lindy On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:08 pm

Here in East TX it is 112 dang degrees today EXCEPT in the local Dollar General Store. It is downright cool in there and I can occupy myself buying cheap junk that I don’t need just to stay cool!

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Theresa in Alberta On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:10 pm

I checked the weather for you….It is staying around 80 degrees F for you in San Diago. Perfect summertime weather. Safe journey, and I hope you get some shopping in.

Yep……….Texas is HOT and crunchy brown dry……….none…zero…nada….zip….nutrition for our livestock growing from our parched land. On the bright side though, our well is still pumping! Some wells are dry…………in this hot, dry and parched land called Texas in 2011. When the drought is over, we’ll return to the times of the floods again. That’s Texas for you. Drought punctuated by floods. Both in big Texas ways.

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lisa lett On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:12 pm

We just flew in from Denver!! The lovely 90 degree, no humidity, cool air, greeeeen Denver CO!! The pilot was telling us the weather on landing here in OKC and said it was hotter than Hades at a balmy 105!! It was such a let down to be back in the heat but a blessing to be on the ground again!! I too don’t like flying much either!! Even though it’s an hour and change on flight time, I still don’t like it!! Either a nice drink or some headsets and tv seem to make a good distraction for me!!

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Tricia in Washington On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:14 pm

I feel your fear about flying, I am getting a little better with age. Hope you enjoy San Diego, that ocean breeze, and no humidity. The trip will be worth that alone….I teared up when I read about you boy. There is just something about the love of a boy to their mother. Enjoy your trip!

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Julie C On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:17 pm

I love your entertainment section! I hate flying, too. But I would jump on a plane right this second to get somewhere it’s not 112 degrees. I’m in TX and we’re melting!!!!

Get there safe, Ree – and I’ll keep you in my prayers for the flight home!!!

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Jay On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:20 pm

Your lad’s photo is amazing!

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Betsy On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:21 pm

Can I just say that I love it when the Pioneer Woman gets punchy?

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Denise On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:21 pm

Ree–
You cwack me up!

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RondaT On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:22 pm

We need a more recent picture of that grass. If it’s anything like here in West Texas, it’s brown, dry and crunchy. You walk on the grass and it’s like walking on corn flakes. Ranchers out here are having to sell their livestock because they can’t afford to feed them. They are having to buy hay from up north and have it shipped… $10k per load, as in ONE truck of hay! They are using up what they’d store up for winter now.
We are praying for a hurricane.

Sheila On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:26 pm

I sure wish we could send the rain from Minnesota to OK. A couple weeks ago, we had 7″ in a 24 hour period, and we’ve had a couple more days of an inch or more. Some people had 3-5 feet of water in their basements. Plus, we’ve had awful humidity, one day the heat index was 118 degrees. McDonald’s has the best lattes and frappes. I think they’re better than Starbucks and even pass up my daughter’s employee discount at Caribou for a Donald’s drink. Your punks sound like the sweetest kids. (And I bet they always act that way! Ha!)

You look mighty natural with that gun there, Ms. Ree! Enjoy your time at BlogHer. And try not to think too much about the flying. I used to love to fly but, like you, I’ve developed some kinda phobia. Rats!

Praying for rain for ya….

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meanie On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:29 pm

yes, ree, avalanche is indeed a verb. as is bagel. is in: shall we bagel before we had out shopping? (the appropriate answer: heck YES we shall! i love me a bagel!)

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Kebai On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:34 pm

Dang, Harvey Wallbanger. One hundred and twelve flippin degrees is so wrong on so many levels. Get yourself a Hazelnut iced coffee, take a walk outside with the ocean breeze, bottle up that feeling, and when you return home, take a peak into that bottle. (I’m pretty sure there are way too many commas in that sentence.) I hope that heat wave breaks up soon. That plain sucks.

Norine On Thursday, August 4 at 12:00 pm

Not a bad sentence at all, but a semi-colon after “feeling” would be in order. Ya got two independent clauses with the right commas (phrases) in them, so they need the semi. Yeah, I’m an editor :-).

Weather is always sucky in Central Valley CA, but it doesn’t make it right here, either!

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MelindaC On Wednesday, August 3 at 6:34 pm

OK is supposed to be at least a little green with summer rains right now, and WY is supposed to be brown, light brown, and more brown…. but this year it is GREEN! Not comfortable at all with the weather this year. Has me turned upside down.

Don’t worry. As long as your plane doesn’t turn upside down, you’ll have a blast in San Diego! And it will be cool!!!!