Jersey Shore Season 3 Episode 8 “The Great Depression”

Title aside, this episode of Jersey Shore is exponentially better than its predecessors this season because it’s only partially filled with awful Sammi and (mostly) Ronnie bullshit. Thankfully, the episode also had elements that are actually fun like a mini-prank well, roommates actually being nice to each other and the gang going out and getting nice and toasted, some bringing strangers back to their beds. You know, good wholesome Jersey Shore stuff.

The episode begins with Sam leaving again and Mike following Ronnie around hurling platitudes and lame sentimentalities at his friend, but as Ronnie said “Listening to Mike talk about relationship problems is like listening to a sailor talk about flying.” Hey look, Ronnie did something genuinely entertaining! In an odd turn for the show, we also see Sammi getting to her mom’s house and talking to her about the Ronnie situation. Basically mom says what we’ve all been thinking: you can’t be happy when you’re miserable.

Back at the ranch, the mood is pretty crappy, so Deena and Snooki decide to squish cake in Vinny’s face which of course launches a prank war with Pauly jumping in as well. Vinny was going to do something with a balloon or condom full of water but it explodes all over him in the kitchen. Then Pauly suggests that he put some of the dogs’ poop in their bed, so Vinny grabs some, puts it in a bag and puts it in their beds. The problem? The girls were actually hiding under their beds in what turned out to be a surprisingly strategic move. So as soon as the guys left, Deena took the poop out and put it under Vinny’s pillow. This time things got serious and Vinny took Snooki’s favorite stuffed sleep pal Crockadilly and hanging out off of the porch outside Mike and Ronnie’s room. Snooki realizes it’s gone and starts running around the house asking about it and actually calling for it as if it can respond. Blowing up their spot, Mike shows her where it is and Vinny renames him The Snitchuation. Good work Vin.

After a day at work spent mostly staring into the middle distance and locking himself in the bathroom to cry, Ronnie came home from work and the guys took him out to the barber after he ordered flowers for Sammi and her sister whose birthday is soon. While they’re gone, JWOWW and Deena pack up all of Sammi’s stuff from the room and move it downstairs because, their thinking is that if Sam does come back, she should stay down there. When Ronnie gets back from the barber he goes up stairs and assumes that Sammi came and got her stuff, when he asks JWOWW what happened she doesn’t answer and then runs over to the phone and calls Sammi while Ronnie’s in earshot. JWOWW spouts off some claptrap about sticking with the girls or girl code or some bullshit (funny considering she hated Sammi three days ago or whatever). How is any of this sticking with one side? For one thing, she said she wanted to do this to help Ronnie move on. Why would he care if you did this? Just tell him what’s going on so he doesn’t think he’s going crazy(er). Even he couldn’t get that upset. Sometimes I think that girl might have some pathological liar in her.

There’s a beautifully awkward moment where Sammi’s sister calls the house to thank Ron for the flowers. She says the Sammi’s not there but she’s thankful as well. Just then Sammi jumps on the phone and Ronnie doesn’t understand what’s going on at first so he just stops talking. In the end he just says he’ll talk to her later and hangs up. Speaking of bullshit, this is a very fecal-oriented episode. The toilets are clogged which Vinny tries to fix with a coat hanger, Pauly finds some stained panties in the bathroom that no one will claim and Deena’s feeling backed up. But hey, who cares about all that, it’s club time!

Oh man, what a microcosm of everyone’s weird relationships with each other and the opposite sex. Pauly sees as ex girlfriend of his who runs up and the two are talking. While at the bar, Mike honestly jumps in between them and starts chatting this girl up. There’s footage of him picking her up and the two dancing, Vinny staring in amazement and talking trash about Mike in the confessional and then Sitch trying to take the girl back to the house which she is not having. Pauly says the girls that he dates are too smart for his tricks. Meanwhile Snooki gloms onto some guy she calls a Mario Brother which is probably the funniest damn thing she’s ever uttered and Vinny got himself a grenade (my judgment, not anyone elses). Ronnie wanders around lamenting being at Karma without Sam which looks about as fun as being there with her. Snooki decides that it’s a good time to go up to him and explain that the two of them weren’t good together, that they were always fighting and that he should be glad it’s over to which Ronnie responds that he will get her back because he always “gets what he wants.” Classy. Aaaand its time to head back to the house. Snooki’s dude points out that she doesn’t know his name, which is completely true. Deena trips and gets upset when the gang joke around with her. Mike dubs her a slopopotamus which is the combination of a sloptard and a hippopotamus. Burn.

Back at the house, Ronnie tries to calm Deena down and actually does a pretty good job but doesn’t fail to turn it around to be about him (essentially “no one’s more down than me and I’m trying to get YOU to stay.”) Back inside, Vinny realizes that the guy Snooki brought back was part of the Uncle posse that came and took Vinny’s girl away a few episodes back. As a joke the guys decide to kick the door to the smoosh room in and pull Snooki out. She jumps back in the room because she hasn’t gotten smooshed in four months (a fact she really wants everyone to be aware of). The dude asks her to say his name and of course, she has no idea what it is. In other awkward hook-up moments, Vinny’s getting with his girl when Mike comes in with a cheeseburger and literally feeds it to him in bed. Vinny thinks Mike was hoping that Vinny would just ask Mike if he wanted to jump in or something. I agree. Outside, Ronnie and Deena have a heart to heart where he talks about wanting to leave. JUST GO HOME.

One of the most unintentionally funny parts of this episode was various roommates saying they didn’t think this is what it would be like with Sam gone and Ronnie on his own. He’s not single Ronnie running around trying to get all the ugly tail he can sniff. It’s almost like he’s a real person. Blech. Even with Ronnie talking about leaving so he can heal or whatever, I don’t think it’ll happen. I’m not that lucky. Plus, it looks like Sammi’s coming back next episode so we’ll probably be back to where we were in two weeks. Vomit sound.