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Hello, this is my first post here....I am at a loss with my DIL. I've never had to deal with drama like this. My son lost his first wife to cancer give years ago...she was more like my daughter and that still hurts. My son was able to adopt her 14y.o. son, which was great...but his new wife is full of drama, gets along with almost no one, including her own family....and decided to drag me into her drama. In a nutshell my son's first wife made him a better person, this one does exactly the opposite...he can be difficult as well, but we were fairly close...I think she is jealous of first wife and knows how close we were. Not the "mothering" type either. Her two kids live with their father down south. I guess I'm just not used to this childish-ness. Hurts my heart.

Oh, Katrina, I can understand how difficult this is for you! Drama is so draining. Yet we don't have to be dragged into it. We can step back and THINK first. Not always easy to do, sometimes we just get emotional but it really helps to have a mantra like, "detach" or something to keep your brain in non-emotional mode.

My first thoughts are maybe she feels insecure, are they living in the house he lived in with the late wife? Maybe your son extols the virtues of the late wife and she feels less than? (I have heard of guys doing this and even keeping the late wife's photos up, dishes, towels, furniture and refusing to change anything.) Does she know how much you loved the late wife? She may feel she has big shoes to fill and can never measure up. If this is the case, it might help if you praise the new wife, tell her how great she cooks, or looks, give her little gifts "just because." Talk with the son about him changing his ways.

Conversely, it might also be that he married a drama queen because she fills a need that HE has. He might like the drama and excitement, or she pretty and makes him look good to others, or she's a firecracker in bed (sorry). You might read Life Code by Dr Phil to understand how some people think and act and now not to get sucked in. That is the main thing, do not allow yourself to get sucked in. Its a mind control thing, we have to train our minds not to react emotionally. I have the most success doing this by writing mantras on a little sticky note on my bathroom mirror and reading it daily. I have a daughter like this and several in-laws. They just want all the attention on them all of the time. Its draining and horrible most of the time.

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You've probably read a lot of our stories. Many of us have dealt with similar issues. It can be difficult when suddenly everything has changed from the comfortable way it was before. Please keep reading and posting! It sure helps to have support and understanding.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique. -- Annie Gottlieb