And another story of yours read! I really liked this for many reasons, I thought the Kenta perspective was an odd choice, but as the story went on, it played out very well! (Other than the fact I would have liked to have seen Takato/Kazu confess to eachother XD) I also liked it because they were "Odd" pairings... but not that odd. I keep saying I should do something with Takato/Kazu, but why do that when theres Henry?! XD But Kazu makes sense! Loved it, on to your next fic!

Aww! That was adorable! It was quite refreshing to have HiroKato and JenTa as the pairs. I never even thought of Jen and Kenta together before, and the bonding over gay romantic comedies was a great touch.

I think the most interesting thing in this story was definitely the characters, Kenta and Hirokazu in particular. Kenta works quite well as our narrator here, providing a perspective just off-of-center from the main conflict, while at the same time being intimately involved in the resolution of that conflict. I do note that his narrative style makes a significant shift after her comes out to Hirokazu in that afterwards his narration brings attention to his orientation frequently whereas before that it's never really hinted at. C'mon, Ori, we know Kenta's always going to be gay in any story you write. (In fact I find it hard to believe anyone has ever thought that Kenta could, potentially, be straight.) Just give us gay Kenta right out of the starting gate; he's more fun than repressed Kenta anyway. The particular parts of his narration that got me laughing most were his interpretation of what Hirokazu's eyes were saying. Another thing I noticed about Kenta was that he's unusually bold here. Among the Tamers Kenta could easily be called the timid one of the group, but in this story he's the first to come out, the one to propose a plan to get Takato and Hirokazu together, the one to wager for a kiss from Takato, the whole works. I mean really, between Hirokazu, Takato, Jen and Kenta, Kenta is the one with the cojones to admit it first? And be so proud about it? That's some character development, but it would be nice to see how he got to that point.

As to Hirokazu, having him be so mopey for a good chunk of the story was an interesting change of pace for the character. Shameless crying is supposed to be Takato's job, after all! Hirokazu's reaction does make perfect sense for the story of course, but it feels like there's something not quite there. As if there's some essential Hirokazu element that's missing. Let me ask you: if you replaced Hirokazu's name with the name of another character, would your read the story and immediately think to yourself, "Hey! That's not character X, that's Hirokazu!"? I fear that Hirokazu's funk isn't melding as well as it could with his usual personality. Hirokazu, to my mind, shouldn't be downplayed. He's animated, he yells, he's vigorous! Instead of clutching at his breast he should be tearing at his hair. The description of him breaking his skateboard seemed to almost capture this, but elsewhere his mood and his personality are kept in separate rooms. Even with that, though, Hirokazu is hugely entertaining in this story. That he actually plays the shy, nervous one to Kenta's dynamic hero is a fascinating role reversal. His dialogue, especially when he's stoned, never fails to entertain. Those moments of Hirokazu being dense (when he repeatedly fails to take a hint) feel probably the most true-to-character not because I can recall any particular instances of him doing that in the show, but because that's just the sort of guy he is. He's aggressive, impulsive, and while he's not exactly a strategist he's loyal to a fault (all traits that would put him high in the running for team leader in other seasons.) Hirokazu isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but it's nearly impossible to dislike the guy, which is probably why Takato has such an easy time forgiving him here.

Personally I didn't get the impression that Takato would be the one to get stoned and spill the beans first, but that may have been a case of me not paying close attention. Alternatively it could also be that it is, after all, Takato and I have a hard time imagining him stoned. Hirokazu on the other hand... well, that one isn't so much of a stretch.

One thing you might want to think about is easing up on the ellipses. When you use too many they don't have as much impact. If you want to insert a pause into a sentence, consider breaking the sentence up with some narration. Also consider whether the pause really belongs in the sentence at all.

If you wanted to do more with this continuity, I think Kai's point of view during his time in Shinjuku would be an interesting one. He only gets a very brief mention in this story, but I can just imagine it being a more fleshed-out story all its own. It would start with his arrival, his resentment of Hirokazu for breaking Takato's leg, then his walking in on them which of course leads to Kai's being a co-conspirator in this little secret and his chaperoning the love birds' date. Plus, there's too few Kai PoVs out there. Give the Okinawans some love! They live longer than anyone else in the world despite (or perhaps because of) their love for Awamori. Heck, maybe there could be a side-plot where Kenta gets the hots for Kai, the olive-skinned Okinawan with a swimmer's build, which in turn makes Jen jealous enough to confess his feelings for Kenta. Hmm... Actually, if you don't write that story I just might have to.

This is awesome! I wasn't expecting someone to wind up stoned off Vicodin, and having all four boys turn out gay made this fic rule. Thank you for posting and allowing it to be posted so that it can be read.

I'm glad you were able to write again, and that you seem to be doing better now concerning whatever happened in real life.

I was able to predict the central pairing in the story based off of the fact that Hirokazu showed remorse for a wrongdoing, however accidental it may have been. Yet I did fall for the false lead into Takato letting his feelings slip during a vicodin-induced stupor.

Thank you for this piece, and I rather enjoy when you write fics of a longer length. There's so much more room for plot development that way, whether it be a very long one-shot, or a several chapter fic.

Can't wait, as always, for the next one.

TaioraDaikari4eva chapter 1 . 4/2/2011

One word fot this. Brilliant.

Please write more. They really make me laugh, which is a good thing for me. lol.