- we are uncomfortable with uncertainty in relationships- we are aware of this and do things to lower uncertainty in the
relationship (such as self-disclosing, to
raise intimacy)- this is accomplished by self-monitoring ourselves

Might tie into here: Judy Burgoon and Expectancy -
Violations Theory

- if people act as we expect, we don't think much about it
- if they act weird, we search for a reason to settle our anxiety about why
they are acting weird
- culture is a way to settle this anxiety - offers a reasonable explanation
for weird behavior

Example: Someone acting weird online

See also: Wiseman article- mention of Gudykunst and
anxiety-uncertainty management theory (AUM): we try to minimize
misunderstandings with those of other cultures- as misunderstandings rise, we
feel uncertain about the other / situation. This causes anxiety within us,
provoking us to reduce the uncertainty and increase our mindfulness. We
reduce uncertainty using strategies like asking questions, self disclosing.

Self-Disclosure Theory / Social Penetration Theory:

(Altman & Taylor)

- ways to increase intimacy in a relationship- you make yourself vulnerable by disclosing information, which in turn
obligates the other person to reciprocate and give up / reveal information (a
vulnerability) about themselves (called the norm of reciprocity)- this process (social exhange of disclosing) can be very rewarding or very
costly

1.) baldly / direct ("that dress makes you look ugly -
go change")
2.) by appealing to positive face ("that other dress will bring out your
eyes")
3.) by appealing to negative face (some non-threatening action - off
record / semi-indirect: "sorry to bother you, but would you mind
putting on that dress instead?")
4.) indirect ("I saw someone the other day with a dress like that other
one you have, they looked nice in it")

These FTAs are meant to accomplish the modification of the
other person's attitude, behavior, etc.

Face needs vary - as they become more important, we are
likely to engage in FTAs of less severity (be more indirect)

Dr. Aune's viewpoint: People never say exactly what they
mean, and always mean more than they say. Pragmatics is the way that we
can go about accounting for what is actually meant when people make utterances.