Thursday, March 6, 2008

ChildhoodMemory

A mindj**k of an ending is to be found on "The Flintstones" cartoon, in which, during the end credit sequence, Fred Flinstone is locked out of his house by the family cat. So there he is, banging away at the door in the moonlight while the end titles appear and the music gleefully approaches its conclusion.This stark contrast upset me- how can Fred, every epidsode, be stuck in the same situation, and with no apparent indication of ever being rescued?It's Hanna-Barbera's take on the Greek myth of Sisyphus.George Jetson suffered much the same fate week after week, and foundin his situation on the treadmill (dual analogy here- Sissyphus & Everyman's rat race) a more overt reference to aforementioned myth. But for whatever reason, his plight didn't disturb me near as much as Fred's, maybe because the Caveman's cries carried about them a blustering,somewhat moreaggressive frustration than that of Jetson, a thinner, more anemic & white-collartsalaryman, a high-tech pencil pusher really.

An Effete Critic with a Jaundiced Eye Holds Court

T. Corrgahessean Boyle- a bad writer with an even worse haircut

Carrie Fisher- sticke to firing blasters and insulting wookies

Tama Janowitz- marry Henry Rollins and together you'll comprise the

'smalltalent-bigbankbook'coupleextradordinaire

the current glut of Warholian darlings all cashing in- no, you misheard

the man,; it was '15minutes' dears, you used yours up many years ago

Henry Miller- must we always wade through your sewage to uncover

theodd diamond?

Tom Robbins- sometimes even readers get the blues

Frank Norris- the literary equivilant of a visit to the dentist

Jim Carrol- a clear example of drugs failing to fuel any creative process

whatsoever

M. Scott Peck- riding the tail end of our century's 'happy I mystic

capitalism'movement

Ann Rice- the Depeche Mode of the literary sect

Benjamin Hoff- silly man, Winny just wants to be left alone to his

for raging

Henry James- What Maisie Knew and Knew and Knew...The Turn of the

Screw Turning and Turning Forever Turning

Douglass Coupland-'Newsweek's' sanctioned voice of youthful dissent

Martha Stewart- visibly tainted by the realization that Julia Child could

whup her ass

Will Self- It's a shame Mr. Self doesn't keep his feeble writing to him

-well, your mother and I don't want you getting mixed up with those porch monkeys, drug addicts, and Hispanic types, so we thought a fully automatic firearm on your 14th birthday would send theappropriatemessage.