Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Fantasy Golf: The Dean & Deluca Invitational Preview

Before we get to this week's tournament preview, let's take a minute to talk about choking. And more specifically, choking away a 4 up lead with 5 holes to play. And even more specifically, choking away that lead in a tournament that you really give a crap about. And very specifically, choking away that kind of lead when all you (as a 6 handicap) and your partner (as a 9 handicap) had to do was make one par on the last four holes to win. And quite specifically . . . FUCK!!! Okay. Now that I didn't even begin to get that out of my fucking system, let's get to this week's event which used to be called the Crowne Plaza Invitational and before that was just called the Colonial but is now sponsored by Dean & Deluca . . . "purveyors of fine food" (because they don't just "sell" fine food, they "purvey" it). Remember when these second tier events used to have badass names like the Buick-Goodwrench Open, the Anheiser-Busch Golf Classic and the Michelob-Houston Open. Now we have a tournament sponsored by a company that sells a $75 "French Cheese Plate" . . . and it's being played in Texas! I expect fixing that shit to be near the top of President Trump's to do list. Anyway, here's the only advice you need this week. Pick a player who hits it straight. Zach Johnson won here in 2010 and 2012. Jason Dufner was runner-up in 2012 and 2014. Those two guys should top your list of candidates along with the assortment of slap hitters I have listed below. And now, if you'll excuse me, I feel another bogey flashback coming-on so I'm going to stick a butter knife in a toaster.