most day fast

Today I started my “five” day fast… I found out a little about myself today. if I have access to food during a fasting session then there is no way I could possibly continue with the fast. I lasted today until about 5:15pm. at that point the cravings and pure desire to eat food overwhelmed me and i decided to finally use some burgerking gift certificates i had been given a few years ago. so that was the end of that. now i’m at Starbucks drinking a tall caramel macchato with extra Carmel and i’m using my cell phone to get onto the Internet. something that i recently found out that i could do for free! at least i hope its free!

today i had another talk with my brother and he immidiately asked me about my crop dusting idea that lark and i had. so we talked about the logistics of that. suprisingly he was actually open to the idea now. odd! i never expected he would be for one of my crazy ideas. he is still not sure at all what he should be doing. the good news is he has his head on straight. unlike what mom thought he’s not depressed. he’s not anything like that. he just has some serious doubts.

by the way writing like this out of the house is extremely nice! I am very happy to be out of the house.

so cam is thinking of the idea of missionary flying. which could be fun, but honestly I don’t think that fits my personality too much. I have always been not to much for a missionary idea. I just don’t feel that God want me to go that direction.

The idea of doing something with cars together just keeps getting thrown back into my mind. i’m not sure if its because its something that i truly want or if its God. yet another thing i need to pray about. speaking of praying. i need to do that more often.

last night i read a devotional book that i’ve had since rocklin. i opened up to January 18th and to my surprise it was extremely helpful in my current situation. God surely works in mysterious ways.

becoming a worship leader has been on my mind more and more lately. I just hope i can do so with pure intentions. I love leading I love singing, I love playing guitar and unfortunately I love to be known as the worship leader. I used that a lot when i was living in rocklin. all of my friends knew that i used to be a worship leader. I just need to pray that God would take the pride from me. give me pure intentions.

I want so badly for worship and christ to envelop my life again. I am building my library of worship music up again. i need new music to give me motivation.