Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I'm not a poet who can write on your beauty; I'm not a singer who can sing about you. But I would never forget the moment, I have shared with you in my childhood. The early morning walk at 3am with my group of kids in the Mayang Imphal-Uchiwa road. The prayer song from the mosque wake me up and my gang would gather near my gate to start our everyday journey from konchak to uchiwa lamhang. Nobody wishes to go there as people talked about weird things,people being killed there and thrown away in the night. But fortunately, we never met any such incident. We played in the road, jump to the lotus field near the road and sometime we even sleep on the road when the road is empty. Life was free from everything i.e guns, bomb and any kind of materialistic thing. I'm glad I was not born to an elite family where I would be forced to confine me within the four walls fearing of the world outside, with some dry brown bread and take my freedom away :). I have the sky as my roof and the mother earth as my bed. I dream about everything I could see in my eyes but nothing about the world I live now. When the prayer song from the mosques come to an end , we are very sure that it is already 4.30am. We have to rush home now. You don't need a radio to entertain you, the song of the farmers and also known as khulang eshei would make you afresh in the early morning. They don't sing like the old version but the way they entertain themselves while they are working would be worth watching. Sometime I would sit near the field and spent half of the day listening to their conversation and songs. What i enjoyed most was the hindi song sung by the farmers with his own prepared words in the same tune.

Things are too different now. This beautiful place in the picture is no more a place where you can go for walk in the early morning or evening. This place has turned to a graveyard. People are being killed and thrown in the empty road and it was made a place of horror. Only some small huts of farmers are there amidst the field. There is no development as usual. The roads are still too small and narrow. But no one can claim her beauty and take it away from you. You are still too beautiful in my eyes no matter how much people try to make you dirty with the meaningless bloods and tears. I can still see the beauty of the lone home of farmers where he dreams of his small family, the huge income he can earn from his fish farm, the wealthy monsoon, the dry summer.Above all a dream of building a new bigger home before the rainy season arrives where he could sleep without the rain waking him up whole night.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Rainy day of September,I was walking near Imphal River,Looking and searching for a place,For a niche to build a nest,I found my place over the banyan tree,I was happy for the new home,I shifted my hopes, dreams to a bigger home,To my horror I show the houdong lamboiba,Staring and teasing me with his eyes wide open,I was scared and panic for a moment,Next moment I feel the tight hold on me,I realise it was houdong lamboiba,I tried to escape from his palm,But all my effort gone in vain,He sang and dance after seeing my hopes and dreams,He holds me so tight in his palm,I can’t move and walk,He was fat and dark,I was afraid to see his big teeth,I hide my dreams and hopes,Fearing of him eating it,When he feel hungry of fame,When he is deprived of attention,He scratched to that shell,Where I hide my hopes and dreams,I died every push and pull of him,To my shell, to my heart,I feel the oppression,And Juices of sadistic pleasure,Lure him from being insane,I almost die; I almost choke with bitterness,For every moment, for every day,To his oppression, to his blackmail,It was the sunny day of March,I found the new light on me,A light of courage to fight,Courage to escape from his cage,A cage of oppression,I fought hard, It almost kills me,I could see the bleeding of tears,Flowing from my eyes,Like a stream from the fountains,It was that last day of March,I fought the last war,I escape from his palm finally,I was singing and dancing, With the wind, flower, rain and streams,Without houdong lamboiba around me,I open the shell of hope and dream,I nurture them and alive them again,I celebrate my freedom, I took back my liberty,Now, I’m a pebet without houdong lamboiba!!

... the protagonist pebet in the poem is the writer herself. And the houdong lamboiba is known to few people only ..:)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

....a class rhymes in a government school in the movie "Keku Lotpi". I must say it is a great way to express the ill state of education system in Manipur especially in the government schools which are stagnant and dormant from the decades. The basic education which every kid should avail becomes so sluggish and dull. None of the parents from the rich and middle class family sent their kids to the government schools. It becomes just a choice of the poorest of the poor. Some of the parents even sent their kids to the private schools even though they are not in the position to pay the higher fees and expenses just to keep the dream of their kids alive. But one of the most surprising factors is that none of the teachers of the government schools sent their kids to the school where they are teaching. This shows how morally corrupted people lived in Manipur. They make sure their kids complete their homework and attend the school everyday. Teachers could be hardly visible in the school and for them coming to school is just to show their face, sign in the register and finally to collect their pay at the end of the month. As a teacher they can never see the dream, hope and aim of the student in their eyes. I also had my part of experiencing the ill faith of the teachers in the govt. schools. Their ignorance and laziness deprived us from many things which are fundamental to many kids. Every day my father makes sure that I learnt my chapter before I leave for school so that I could dictate the same to my classmates. None of the parents have faith to the teachers. It's my father and uncle who pushed me, mend me to walk ahead and keep my dream alive irrespective of my school, teachers and background. While I was dictating the paragraph, the class teacher would sleep with his/her head bending over the table. Some of them even chew pan/cigarette in the class. Here comes the need of teaching the teachers for the disciplines and principles they should follow in the school and classroom. We need to regain their lost ethics and moral responsibilities before they are assigned the work of teaching. We could see no hope, we were never given the opportunity to mingle in the crowd and to think big and face the world. That was one the saddest part of my life. This movie flashed back the memory I had and rewrite the dim experience of the students of the govt. schools. I could see myself among them where we were just lost and nowhere to move ahead and dream for so called future.

The current scenario of the govt schools in Manipur is terribly bad and now teachers are paying a huge price for their rooted negligence. They are working hard now to maintain the minimum number of students in the schools. One of the shocking facts is that in 99% of the govt schools, the numbers of teachers are more than the students. It is a fact that teachers even go to the home of the students and request their parents to send them to the schools so that they can report the minimum number of students to the govt. It was last year I visited some govt schools near my home including the one where I suffered eight years of my childhood and to that place where my hope, dream, aim and my confidence was just crushed. I know I should show my respect to them as they are so called teachers but that kind of respect did not come from within. There are 7-8 kids in each of the class from class 3th to 8th. They were fighting with each other and playing hide and seek admist the broken walls of the school. I could still see no change. Teachers are enjoying their gossip session in the staff room with sinju, bora and tea. For them it is just leisure time in the school to escape from their nagging wives/husbands and to ease themselves from the household cores.

They wait for rain to come, they wait for summer, winter, autumn and every season & reason to end the session and declare holiday. No one seems to remember their moral ethics of being a teacher. For me my father and uncle are real teachers. I make sure I wish them every year on the teachers day despite of them belonging to other profession.

“Many dreams had died just as a dream,Many hopes had just left as hope,We were deprived of the dream & hope,We were destined to have,We were unwind to a Man-made disaster....”

If we want to unwind the current system, it is a high time to question such irresponsible teachers and authorities. Why would they send their kids to the private schools when they deprived the dream and hope of the other's children? It is high time our government wake up from the long siesta, act in time and do something even though it is terribly late.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I felt repulsed and frightened,With the one I was in love,With the one I shared a dream,With the one who gave me hope,The tears, pain, sorrow and anger,All is wrapped, Sealed and covered,Behind the wooden door,Far away from the world human lives,My smile was broken, My tears has got no space to fall,My anger has no target to strike,I tried joining them together,It’s irreparable and disgusted,Love, commitment, companionship,Become dehumanizing to me, Hardship of humiliating self,An act of rape,Agonize the meaning of love,In the light of violence,I can no longer sense,I can no longer see the human side on me,I sense the fault of being a woman,I smell the pity of being subordinate,In a civilized inhuman society,The hatred of being oneself,The willingness to stand against the self,Entrenched into my blood,Contaminated in the air I breathe, While I bear his emotional abuse and rage,A thought of justification was born, Inside and outside,For being what I’m,I was not bared anywhere,Irrespective of,My caste, my color,My racist, my education,It follows me everywhere,It troubles me everywhere,I’m a victim,Irrespective of,My caste, my color,My racist, my education,It follows me everywhere,It troubles me everywhere!

....this write up is an extract from my essay on the topic Gender bias: Domestic Violence Act.

I dream of a life,Without you,I dream of being alone,A moment of being apart from you,It was a nightmare,When I realize,When I start living to that moment,Where I stand alone,Where I can see only me,Without you besides me,The whole world laughs at me,The whole world blame on me,The whole world tears me into pieces,Without you besides me,I search for your hand to hold me,I cry for shoulder to lean on,But I could not find you again,I was alone when I realize,That was the moment,The happiness cries on me,And the cloud of sadness covered me mercilessly,I was drained nowhere,By the rainfall of sorrow,I was living in nowhere, When you are not around,When you are away from me,That’s the moment,Happiness cries on me.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The world may ask you for tears,The people may test you for your love,The people may take away your beautiful smile,The people may ask the price of your love,The love you nurture may substitute with pain,The care you shown may humiliate you,Though the world is unfair,Though the people are selfish,Though the people may not know the meaning of love,Though the people devalue your touch,Remember one say,Remember one whisper,Which murmurs in silence,Don’t pull yourself down,Don’t blame yourself,Don’t shed a tear,For the person,Who asks only tears, Who enjoy with your pain,Who loves the bruises of anguish,In your forehead,Who cherish seeing the scar of hate,On your lovely face,You may not be important to them,Your love does have a value to them,You may not get a space to his tiny heart,You may not be embraced with a deserving hug,You may not be caressing with an angelic kiss,Please don’t forget my say,Please listen to my whisper,Which murmurs in silence,You are the reason to smile to us,You are the most important person in our life,You are the most beautiful woman to us,You are that angle which the whole world search for,You are that friend without whom,We never smile,We never laugh,We never eat,we never dream,We never breathe,We never live!!

My love, my friend,You only love the smile on lips,You never ask me for tears,You never ask for pain,You never ask for money,You never ask for a precious gift,For a relationship,I could never afford to have,It’s my smile,It’s my happiness,It’s my laughter,It’s my joy,That you have ever asked for,You have ever begged for,From me,From our relationship,You feel my day with surprises,You gifted me fragrance of love,You touched my heart everyday like an angel,You bring me the reason to smile,You give me the reason to dream again,You reason the reason of being me,You make me feel how special I’m to this world,You become my world,You make my day,You are special,You are someone I can never ignore to love!!

Monday, June 15, 2009

I was waiting for so long For a miracle to come Everyone told me to be strong Hold on and don't shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times I knew I'd make it through And the world thought I had it all But I was waiting for you

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky Oh, it's almost blinding me I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love Let the rain come down and wash away my tears Let it fill my soul and drown my fears Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun A new day has...come

Where it was dark now there's light Where there was pain now there's joy Where there was weakness, I found my strength All in the eyes of a boy

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky Oh, it's almost blinding me I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love Let the rain come down and wash away my tears Let it fill my soul and drown my fears Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun A new day has...come

A new day has...come Ohhh, a light... OOh

......For my friends who were always there for me and who had come to rescue me when the whole world was standing against me. They renew the energy on me to walk against the tide, they ask me to walk ahead regardless of how unfair people are. Yes,you wipe away the tears on my face, you bring the smile on lips which I have lost, you are that miracle I was waiting for so long. I did it again! I walk ahead just to prove that how much I love all of you and how strong our bonds are. A new day has come in my life with a new hope and love of you only!!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Every page of the leading newspapers are filled with the outcry of racist act against Indian in Australia. Every news channel sought it as a breaking news " Indians are attacked by Australian" in Australian.

There is no justification for any act of racism against any community or country.

But In India Mogloids/Chinkies are attacked by Indians despite of being citizen of this country. Fortunately or unfortunately we are taught as a citizen of India in childhood in our book. We also show our respect to this nation by singing national anthem, by celebrating republic day. But the feel of being Indian was deprived from the day I put forward my steps to the capital. The national anthem, the tricolour flag, the meaning of republic day, Independence day become a big question for me and most of the north eastern people. The feel of hatred, anguish and deprived of love from his/her won country are widely spread. In my own country I was welcome with racist mark and blessed with lewd comment for my looks, my my language, for my culture, for my dress and for what I'M.

I don't justified the act of racism against the Indians by Australians but somewhere I felt that oh they should also be given a chance to learn from others since they can't learn from what's happening in their own country.

We, being a citizen of this country we are the racist mark and lewd comment from decades. No Indians ever jump and no news ever covered as a hot topic. When Silpa Shetty broke down in Big Brother show every Indian cried in front of their TV. Wow that's what I felt at that moment. But the British PM did his honour and apologise on behalf of his citizen as civilised man and leader. But did we ever heard of any of our national leader questioning to the attitude of his/her citizens towards his/her coutrymate. This is India. They can only cry for their pain. They can only count on the problems they faced. They can only respect the culture they have.

That's why I say Indians are no new to Racism. They are terribly weak in geography and don't know how many states are there in NE. They will never know the meaning diversity.

It's a big time for Indians to learn from their own mistakes they are committing till today and rectify themselves!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I have paid enough the price of honesty. I have nothing left with me to pay more. It took away from me love, trust, honesty, sincerity and everything I need in my life. It will take another decades to erase the scar on me which I received as a huge regard for being so true to everything.

You said truly life is a big lesson, every moment teach you something. Life teaches me more than I have ever expected. I didn't know that I was standing in a place where I was not appreciated, I was taken for granted for extending help, I was given a wrong name for my stand of the truth.

Why would I continue to live with such a hope which is just another lie? Why should I keep on believing to some dream which is without purpose. Lately I realised that Iwas wrong trying to find a niche among the crowd of elite society and among the people who only knows advantage out of somebody's honesty and help.

Two years of hardship, tears, laughter, hope, dream all are now drained nowhere. I'm hurt for the fact that I was living with a lie but I have not lied to myself and my motives. That's only moving me ahead to do something good which I wish to in future. Yes, I have paid the huge price of being honest in such a morally corrupted people. Because of that I have to enjoy the sweetness of the tear in the sleepless night. I don't feel content anymore with a lie and I can't expect anything from a lie. I was just walking with a dream which is just a lie. Sorry brothers and sisters I couldn't do anything for you guys again. I still remember the smile on your face when I met you guys last june and I wish you guys all the best things in life. That innocent smile was puling me so hard from many days. But I have to free from that chain too. Now I'm in a position where I need to stand for myself and I need to understand myself than anyone else does it.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

“I crave trying to touch a tangible part of those memories.Yet all I get is a tapestry of lies”

…few lines from the poem “Scarlet Spring” of my friend Priya.

Sometime in the late night you woke up suddenly and unknowingly. When you come to know that everything in your life is just a lie and you cant keep it as a memory. At the same time you can’t get rid of it. You pretend to close your eyes but you can’t. you try to touch the part of those memories which you found out was just a lie.

Should I call it mistake or should I call it foolishness? It is the same. Does not make a sense trying to differentiate it. Sometime you hurt yourself for the honesty you have shown; for being so true to a person not worth for anything; for extending your help to a person who only looks for the advantage.

I’m good at saying proverb and writing them as a philosophy of life. It seems like I have been living in that philosophy only, rather forgetting to notice the real world. I fail to read the expression of people. I fail to understand the intention of a loser. I never try to differentiate the clutters in my life and I have been wasting so much of time, energy and money for them. lately realise, little hurt but learnt many things from such losers.

Sometime I felt that I’m fooled by a fool. Heard the story of a guard in a mentally retard home becoming mentally retard later on. I think I have taken the role of the guard in some point of time and I have so many similarity with the guard in the story who had no one to understand him at the end of the day, not even by the mentally retard people. He suffered alone and he become one of them and was mingling among them in certain point of time!!

After so many days of self denial of some facts in life, I’m able to sense the truth. I’m able to feel the real me which I seem to loss from my life long time back. A sense of being true to myself and my own principles. I wake up suddenly last night; Couldn't sleep for hours. Was having a brisk walk in the terrace. I was carried away by some thought and I didn't know where I was destined to??

I land in the memory of past few years and was doing a round trip in my head. I accepted the truth instead of denying it and amplifying the negative thought. I understand the change in me and I know I have not done any fault. Now I’m enjoying the every bit of my life.

Believing in a lie and dreaming for a lie cost only heart ache. Sometime it wrenched away some part of me which I’m hard to find again. It become hard for me to believe in the existence of some important things in life i.e. trust and honesty of a human. These days people wear it on their face to achieve what they wanted in life.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Years of devastation struck in,When I found me alone,When I felt the void within my soul,Waiting and searching,In a lonely street,Alone, in my gate,Looking for an answer,And questioning for an unknown reason!!

I was waiting,Searching for a reason,Which you fail to give,You promise me, you will come again,You promise me, we will meet again,You promise me, you will come every year,To say me good bye,Before I leave home,To embrace me in your arms,Before we live apart!!

I waited for years,I tolerate the years of solitude,I bear the years of loneliness,With your hope,With a dream of seeing you,Standing besides me,Holding my hand,And resting me in your chest!!

I count on every season,I count on every raindrop,I count on every falling leaves,I count on every footstep,I count on every beat of my heart,But you never come back,You never look back!!

My eyes were tired,My lips were dried,My hands were empty,My skin was burnt,My dreams were shattered,My soul was snatching from me,In this long wait,But I had to love this long wait,I do not know the reason!!

The rage of hatred engulf me day by day,The hatred of my own heart,The hatred of my own soul,The hatred of my own love,And the hatred of that love, you have disowned!!

I never knew the reason of being alone,I never ask the reason of missing you,Why and how I found me alone,I still do not know!!I have never questioned to you,I have never questioned to my own heart,I ask myself to be happy without you, I ask myself to love the heart which hurts me,I ask myself to nurture the heart which hates me!!

I forgot to smile,I forgot its existence,I forgot its meaning to my life,Since then you forgot to look back,Since then you forgot to wait for me,Since then you forgot to say me goodbye,Before I leave home,Since then you forgot to hug me,Before we live apart!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I face the life with courage,
I walk the extra miles with passion,
I climb the steep heights of the mountain,
I swim the deepest blue sea,
to find you,
to search for you,
my charming brother,
my guiding light,
you saw the tears in my eyes,
you feel the heart ache,
you mend the anguish,
you count on my tear drops,
you ask the price of it,
you wipe it away at a moment,
for the last time,
you came to rescue me,
when the world point their finger on me,
for my honesty,
for my simplicity,
selflessly with your arms wide open,
you came fearlessly,
to lead me,
to guide me,
to protect me,
that's how I know you,
that's how you know me,
that's how you love me,
that’s how you care,
that’s how you adore
to an unkind me,
yes, that’s you,
Brother, Brother,
Finally I found you.

...........dedicated to my best friend and best brother, one can ever have in life..Da Nelson. I don't how the world the world see you but to me, you are the best man I have ever come across...though we are not born to the same parents I'm not regretted not having a real elder brother to protect me because of you...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

No bandh should ban the school,No strike should strike the stomach of poor,No tire should be burn on the road,No smoke of sadness should pollute the sky again,No meira paibi should protest again,No organisaztion should blocked the livelihood,No publicity should be done for my corpse,No JAC should should form for the injustice,No opportunist should bargain my soul,No government should substitute me with the ex-gracia,This is his last wish,This is my last hope,This is my last dream,Before he fade away from the mother earth,

Monday, June 1, 2009

Those who burn brides need to be hanged: SCSource: Hueiyen News Service / Agency

New Delhi, June 01 2009: Voicing its disgust over the social evil of dowry death, the Supreme Court on Monday observed that perpetrators of bride burning "need to be hanged".

The observation was made by the vacation bench of Justice Markandey Katju and Justice Deepak Verma while hearing a bail plea filed by the elder bother-in-law of the bride, who was burnt to death in Haryana a few years ago.

Without granting any relief to the accused Prem Kumar Gulati of burning his brother's wife in collusion with his brother and mother, the bench deferred the hearing on his lawsuit to a later date after summer vacation.

"People like you need to be hanged, you behave like jungle (animal)," Justice Katju rebuked the petitioner Gulati as his counsel pleaded for interim bail for his client.

As the counsel pleaded saying that it was case of suicide and not bride burning, Justice Katju said, "They all say that.

Everytime they burn a bride, they say it was a suicide".

"On one hand they regard women as devi (goddess), on the other hand they burn them alive.