If I was on Facebook – and I’m not, because Facebook is a dreadful thing – then, for most of the past week, my status would probably have been “being eviscerated by an Alien.” I’ve spent quite a lot of time playing Alien: Isolation, and while I haven’t yet finished it because it’s almost as long as one of Metal Gear Solid‘s cutscenes, I’ve learned a few bits and pieces that might help keep novice Alien-escapists alive.