How should I handle the advances of a much younger colleague?

I’m 58 and work as an office manager. One of my younger colleagues, a guy in his twenties, with whom I get on very well, is pursuing me quite persistently. I find his stares and advances incredibly unnerving. I’m divorced, but think he’s too young to consider. How can I put him off?

VICKI I don’t like to think of you being unnerved in the workplace by a bold young man. Are these 'advances’ as obvious to others as they are to you? If so, the opportunity for scandal is high. That’s one reason you think he’s too young to consider, and I agree. But I sense the ambivalence in your letter: a clear offer of hot passion is heady stuff at our age and few men would think, 'She’s too young to consider,’ if the sexes were reversed. You can put him off by putting yourself off – keep telling yourself: this is embarrassing (even though it’s not).

OCTAVIA I think you put him off with a kind of confident school-marm brusqueness that will highlight the absurdity of his advances (I don’t think they’re absurd, if you’re into that kind of cougarism, but you’re obviously not). 'Quit with those puppy eyes, Junior!’ you should berate when he starts. 'Mrs Robinson I ain’t.’ If you have noticed, your colleagues will have, too, so you won’t be outing his crush, and a few well-placed sniggers from workmates should be enough to make his advances less obvious at least. Be funny, not mean, and hopefully he can laugh at himself, too.