I am borrowing a page from the Book of Saige. Eating the bread, drinking the wine; entering the daunting Confessional. Bless me Father, it’s been never since my last confession. Is it a sin to confess when you’re not Catholic? I know you’re probably not supposed to drink the wine…

1. I shared something on my personal facebook page a few days ago. It went like this:

Marilyn Monroe….the worlds biggest icon! Her tummy isn’t tightly toned, her thighs touch, her arms aren’t skinny, she has stretch marks and her boobs aren’t perky. She is known as one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL women in history. Be confident girls. You are HOT, you are SEXY, you are a Marilyn so do not let any man, media or moment of judgement ever take away your confidence! ♥ EL

Now, while I do believe the gist of this to be true, with an upcoming Maui trip as my motivator, I immediately proceeded to google ‘diets’, found one and voila, apart from the bread and wine I consumed above, I am hungry. No harm in dropping ten pounds, right? Except when you pass out on the morning of day three.

2. I write for myself, but I won’t lie. After a year, I have finally started to accumulate more than five sympathy ‘likes’ from supportive friends and my mum on some of my posts…sometimes as much as thirty-four. Yay, me!

Anyway, a person starts to depend on get used to this sort of thing and when one of my pieces only drummed up a mere four this week, it stung. Ah…don’t go running to like it, now. I get it. It blew. It’s okay. Big girl pants glued in place.

3. I want to be published. Don’t we all? However, I’m nothing but talk. I haven’t taken any steps toward making this happen since 2010. I’m ecstatic my blog has me writing regularly, but I’ve also let it distract me from my ultimate goal. Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely happy here in the blogosphere, but I’ve let it satiate me. Apparently, I want to eat my cake and not have to bake it first.

4. I used to give my house a thorough cleaning every other day and quick wipes and swipes in between. I now give it a wipe n’ swipe every few weeks and a thorough cleaning once a, ehm, year…? Something’s wrong with this picture. If I were working steadily and regularly toward my ultimate goal, this would be understandable, but like I said…

5. We have an extra fridge in our garage and it smells like something died in there. Since it only houses sealed beverages, I’m afraid this might actually be true. I have yet to investigate since my abovementioned yearly cleaning isn’t due for at least another six months.

6. The posts I spend days hours on get less likes that the ones I whip out in hours minutes. I am not sure what this says about my writing or me. If you do, please give me hint.

7. I scraped a smattering of mold off the top of the sour cream last week and let everyone have it. Expiration dates are only suggestions, aren’t they?

8. I am a fully trained and licensed Aesthetician and have, what is probably the worst skincare routine ever. It works for me. Don’t tell anyone.

9. I douse most things in hot sauce or failing that, chili peppers. I may be known to keep one of these items in my purse at any given time, but I never, ever bring my own tea bags. Promise.

The likes, the pokes, the requests, the comments, the followers and our (with any luck and a few brief encounters) overflowing ‘friends’ lists are virtual validation. Whether we admit it or not, to us they’re confirmation that we’re awesome human beings.

They’re our second chance; an opportunity to snatch some of the attention we missed in school, an enabler to hang onto the worldly, well-liked whippersnappers we used to be or a window for reinvention, in case our first draft wasn’t working out.

facebook exists under the guise of passive hobby, but in reality, there’s not much passive about it. Dynamic statuses are written, lively comments are made and shameless self-promotions are flogged. (one day I’ll share my page with you) And it’s all very much the opposite of passive. In fact, one could venture to say that facebook, or should I say, its users, can be downright aggressive.

For a platform that is supposed to be airy-fairy, it can carry the weight of a cinder block. Users preach from their soapboxes, post links and videos to support their stances, tag undesirable photos, type words that would never otherwise be spoken and, since we’re being honest, let’s be honest…being limited, blocked or deleted stings for more than a second. So why should we have it?

Top Ten facebook Flogs

1. Connectivity: It’s invaluable to have familiarity with family and friends you wouldn’t normally see and having it through facebook is different than an email or a phone call. It allows us off-hand inspection of pages. It’s informal and approachable.

2. New Connectivity: “Friending” someone new is fun. Especially when they’re someone we will probably never see in real life ever again. (?)

3. Visualization: Photos, words and personalities come alive. I went to my _ _ high school reunion a while back and I likened it to the figures in a wax museum walking and talking. Creepy…

4. Socialization: facebook allows for casual contact. Little or no commitment, while remaining in the loop can be a huge draw. Yes, sometimes we can be sloths.

5. Events: Users can create or be invited to an event, check out the details, scan the guest list, see who’s replied and whether they are not, maybe or definitely attending, all with a few clicks.

6. Optimization: It enables users to reach a large amount of people all at once, personally, professionally or promotionally. It’s also a podium that can intermingle and showcase all three appropriately. (there are exceptions)

7. Puppy for Sale: People have a need to belong and on facebook, most everyone does. No matter dispositions, idiosyncrasies, or quirks, there’s a place for all to call home. Groupers, gamers and go-getters alike will find their niche amongst the 850 million registered peeps.

8. Information Facilitation: A nice way of calling out the nosy parkers; facebook is a haven for users looking to catch up on the latest (and greatest) happenings in the worlds and minds of others. And of course, it’s there for the taking.

9. As Easy as: anything that’s not hard. It really couldn’t be much simpler to navigate. And, that’s me talking, which means it’s easier than easy.

10. Why not? Overall, it’s just pretty darn amusing.

And, if you managed to stick with me this far, here’s a bonus flog:

11. Control: It’s so very satisfying to delete, ignore or squash a cruddy comment, like the bug that it is. Just sayin’.