4.12.2012

Yeah, the number. I remember when I first saw this webisode.
I thought it was hilarious and laughed out loud. I viewed all the episodes,
watching the development of the story and subscribed to Black and Sexy TV on
YouTube. They have a really funny show called The Couple, yet I digress.
Anyway, when I showed this show to my fiancé, he didn’t find it so funny. If
anyone knows me, they know I’m pretty liberal in my opinions about things,
specifically sexuality, and can be pretty strong in my opinions. So we spoke
about it for a moment and ended the conversation…still engaged. But in all
seriousness, we discussed a lot of issues regarding stereotypes and if the
Melissa’s number had been lower than the Jason’s, there may not have been such an
issue (and this show, not as funny). I’m always one to challenge stereotypes,
but that’s not what we’re going to do today in this here blog. What I want to
explore is if it’s important to share your number of past sexual partners with
your mate.

When I was thinking about this, I decided to make a pros and
cons list, just to see something concrete. I even asked friends their opinions.
Here’s what I came up with:

Pros

Cons

Safety—I’d
want to know the number of sexual partners my mate’s had so I can gauge my
possible exposure to STIs.

Knowing
the number of past lovers may change your opinion of your partner.

Full
disclosure—You won’t have to worry about holding anything back from your
partner if everything is on the table. Now, I didn’t say you should give
names, but I think a number is okay.

Will
the new partner start to compare themselves to past loves? Well, maybe I
shouldn’t give this information if it’s not pertinent….

What are some others?

Personally, I feel it’s a good idea to share information.
For some people, it may be devastating to learn a specific number. Is the number
itself important? Eh. For me, I’d like to know, but it may not be necessary for
everyone in every relationship; it’s just my personal preference. What I do think is mandatory is getting tested for STIs (sexually transmitted
infections). Whether you’ve had sex with one person or fifty people, you may
have been exposed to various illnesses, especially if you did not utilize safer
sex practices (latex condoms/barrier methods for intercourse and oral sex) in every sexual encounter. AND even with
safer sex practices, there’s still the possibility of exposure to other
infections such as Herpes. Now, let’s get real. In previous posts, we’ve
explored why God designed sex for marriage, so I won’t go into that here.
However, research shows us that abstinence only sex education is not effective
because those who chose to have sexual experiences before entering a marriage
covenant may not know about safer sexual practices and then expose themselves
to STIs and unwanted pregnancy.

Now let’s think about it: if you’re planning to spend the
rest of your life with someone, you obviously love and care deeply for that
person. Don’t you want to give them the best you possible? Don’t you want to
shield them from harm if possible? Point blank: get tested. Know your status
and don’t compromise. If you’ve had sex (including oral, anal, and other forms
of foreplay), g’on ahead and get tested. Insist your partner does as well. Hey,
go get tested together! No, it’s not a romantic date, but it’s an opportunity
to truly show your love for someone. Getting tested says, “I love you so much
that I don’t want to give you any diseases.” And even more, it says, “I love me
so much that I want to know my status.” And y’all know I’m all about loving
yourself.

Who is De-Andrea?

I'm licensed in the State of Missouri as a Clinical Social Worker, currently in the credentialing process to be certified as a Sex Therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. I'd also describe myself as a worshipper, sister, friend, teacher, student, daughter, motivator, and catalyst for change. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact me at AskASexTherapist@gmail.com or 314-877-8510.