After a 5 year struggle with anorexia (with purging tendencies), depression, self harm and over exercising I have now been recovered for 4 years and i use my blog to help others in the same situation i once was.
I am now a happy and positive person who wants to inspire those struggling to choose recovery and to take control over life and happiness again!

Life without Anorexia

My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.

And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

Translate

Friday, December 19, 2014

Beginning to socialize again/Making friends

One of the top requested topics/posts at the moment is about how to start socializing again... and the fact is, there isnt so much to write about just this topic. I know the fears, i am not the most social person or the person who goes to all the events and always wants to hang out with people. Infact i am an introvert... i prefer spending time alone, doing my own things rather than with people. But i have a balance.... spend time on my own, doing things i enjoy but also spend time with friends and family. The balance which is healthiest and most important for me.

Making new friends, starting a new school or new job... its all very nervewracking. And its even worse when you seem to have checked out from life for a while due to an illness. You almost forget your social skills... but the most important thing is to remember everyone is human. Its easy to think that people will judge you, and some will... but the people who matter, who will be your true friends or become your partner, well they arent so quick to judge. First impressions do count, but if yo uare lucky and meet the right people you will still have second, third and fourth chances.

Remember to be yourself, that is important. Its easy to put on a mask, fake a personality and just be sort of fake... or maybe you want to be someone else. You dont like who you are so you put on this bubbly and cheerful personality but in reality you are the type of person who thinks before they speak and does more watching than saying. And ic an tell you, the fake personality will wear off... sooner or later you need to be honest and open about your own personlity and how you are as a person. People WILL love and accept you for who you are. You just need to be you. And it might take time... you might not click with the first people you meet and socialize with, but give it time.

I can tell you from experience, when i first went back to school after my eating disorder. The school i went to was small and my class was equally as small. I didnt really click with anyone... i had school friends, people i talked to in school because i had to. But i hated it so much, i cried most days after school. I became depressed, stressed and began to relapse i hated that school so much. So no, my thoughts of when i recover adn go back to school i will have loads of friends, have a social life and begin living life was not what happend. And then i changed school a year later and there it took abotu 2 months before i felt i belonged somewhere... i just sort of went between the groups in the class, i couldnt find people i clicked with. I am quiet, i know that. But i feel no need to change my personality or how i am... i want people to accept me for who i am. And it took a while until it did... i even considered changing school, doing a distance/online school because i couldnt seem to make friends and it made me very sad. Because one of the reasons to recover was to have friends again, to not be so alone. But finally i clicked with a group of girls and guy(s) and there i found my friends. So it takes time, life doesnt always plan out the way you think it will but give it time. I could have given up anytime in those 1,5 years... but then i wouldnt be where i am now. I wouldnt have the friends or memories i have now... so even if you are struggling keep trying to make friends. TALK TO PEOPLE. Be open. And like i said, we're just humans. I am sure there will be a guy or girl just as nervois as you are, or who will see that you are sitting alone or quiet and come up to talk to you. Or maybe YOU should be the one to go up to that person who is sitting alone or is quiet? Ask how they are feeling, if they want to sit with you.

Of course, its not enough to just be yourself and talk to people but to actually go to events. This can be scary.... going to places or doing things you havent done before. Trust me, most people experience that nervousness beforehand. Whether its a party, gathering, new club etc so you arent alone in those feelings. But the fact is, everyone including you is able to hide those feelings. When people look at you and are super nervous themselves they might wonder why you dont look nervous at all? If you get invited to go to a party, then go... you might have fun and enjoy yourself. Meet new people. Face that fear and start that new club or hobby you want to.

Trust me, i have wasted too many years in my life wishing i had more friends. But friends dont appear out of magic... its about meeting them. You have to actual go to social events, talk to people and take it from there. Some people you just click with, others become just sort of contacts, others you dont like at all... but its about being social. You cant be scared to talk to people. That might sound a little controversial as i am the type of person who is often silent who might not always go to every social event im invited to... but i do go as often as i can. And i am just myself when i meet new people... sometimes im more quiet, other times i have more to say.

Dont be so hard to judge yourself as others arent. You are your worst critic.

1) Face your fears and go to social events. 2) Be YOURSELF. 3) Talk to people, be open and kind. 4) Dont be scared of embarrassing yourself, just laugh if you do. 5) Not everyone will like you, thats ok.

2 comments:

I went to the same school for ten years and it was very small. I didn't think I would change schools until I went to college, but...I did. And it didn't go as I though it would. I thought once I went to a new school I would have lots of friends, nights out etc. But thats not what happened. It was a huge transition. It felt strange that for me it was this huge thing and others didn't even know half of what I was going through. Luckily in my school most people are very friendly and open. But still everyones different...I did get invited to sit at lunch with a group of girls, and another one. But I just didn't feel like I would be good friends with them. It was awkward, something everyone knew from a glance had to be explained. And thats fine at first, but some time you realise they're just not someone you click with or see yourself hanging out with...I was bored and, to be honest, sometimes annoyed with both groups. I didn't show it, of course, I smiled and tried talking more, though sometimes I had absolutely nothing to say no matter how much effort i put into trying. So on some days I just had lunch on my own, I enjoyed it more than spending time with people I had nothing in common with. A group of girls who sat not too far away invited me to sit with them. Even though we are pretty different, I felt much better with them :) There was hardly any awkward silence, it was more fun :)Wow this comment is huge, haha!Its really hard, but I think the advice you give, Izzy, give it time, is very useful. Its hard, the waiting, the expectations, the awkwardness. But when you step out of your comfort zone, say hi to that person, you're a step closer to finding friends :) Talk to people you normally don't think you would like chatting with. there are a number of people I didn't think would be as friendly as they are!Even though I am an introvert,, and love spending time by myself its important to socialise to some degree at least, not be completely alone during school. The first people you meet are most of the time not the people you'll end up with but make that effort, talk to that person, say hi, ask how they are, remember their name (I'm really bad at this :D) and use their name the next time you see them :) In the end it will be worth it. If you don't want to be lonely, you want friends, even just one, then make the effort even if its scary!! And don't overthink things too much!Olivia

I'm glad things are getting better for you :) and I had the same experience when I started my new school. ... It took like 2 months or so before I actually found my group of friends. I was thinking about changing school, changing class, etc and felt very lonely and depressed because I had no one I could talk to. Or just laugh and joke with. But then somehow my group of friends came together :) so it took time but now I know I'm with real friends and not fake friends. It's tough when you naturally aren't so outgoing (im like that). But you can still make friends!!

Follow this blog with bloglovin

About Me

Hello :)
I have had Anorexia and depression for c.a 5 years and been in and out of hospital for 2 years. But now im living my life like a normal teenager, I still have my ups and downs now and again, but i still stay positive and never give up.
In my blog i write about my daily life, and my opinions and views on certain things and i bring up topics and information that i think needs to be passed on!!
Leave a comment - love reading comments from people :)
If anyone wants to get in contact with me.
Mail me here --> lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com