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Monday, July 16, 2012

The Saga of the Cheese Steak

Note: We spotted one of the few remaining pay phones in the US. An overly helpful homeless chap informed us rather loudly, not once, but three times! that that pay phone didn't work.

Yesterday we put our niece and nephew back on the plane for Colorado. I have mixed feelings about all that. Shelly and I had a blast together, and I miss her already. When the other kids were in VBS, we went off on a few adventures. One day, we dropped the kids off at 9am and drove straight to South Street in Philly. South Street is this eclectic, funky, edgy place...not really sure how else to describe it. It is home to the famous Jim's Steaks. If you are in Philly, the first thing you think of when you hear 'steak' is not a steak in the traditional sense...as in T-Bone, rather it is thinly sliced steak fried on a ginormous griddle and thrown in a hoagie roll along side some 'whiz, as in cheese whiz. The thing you must know is that you can't just meander into the place, spend an hour gazing at the menu, and then mosey up to the counter to order a 'cheese steak with cheese whiz, and...oh, mushrooms sound good. And peppers! Yes, that would make a mighty fine sandwich.' Jim's is usually incredibly busy and manned by some pretty intimidating grill sergeants. Ha, ha! I just made that up. Anyway, the first time we were there Jeff took too long to order and got yelled at. I was so afraid of the wrath of the steak man that I ordered exactly what I heard the person in front of me order. Usually the line at Jim's is out the door and it takes a while to get to the counter. Guess what?! There are precious few people brave enough to eat a steak at 10:30 in the morning. With only one group in front of us, I was feeling pretty fine. Then, one of the GINORMOUS grill sergeants looked at me and said 'Ma'am, with summer school in session we aren't allowed to accommodate school age children until noon.' Now I was taken aback and thought for sure he must be kidding. I asked him as much and he looked at me and said 'Do I look like I'm smiling? I'm serious.' Well, he sure wasn't smiling and he sure looked intimidating, but still! I asked him one more time if he was serious and he said yes. I asked him if I could buy the sandwich and leave the store with it. He gave me this 'I'll let you just this once look' and said yes. I was mentally shaking my head, but also didn't want to tick off GINORMOUS grill sergeant so I just stood there. After a minute or so, he looked at me and told me he was just messing with me. Oh, funny, funny! So I ordered our steak 'wit wiz' because that's the way a Philly steak is meant to be I'm told. My GINORMOUS grill sergeant buddy then harassed me about not ordering a beverage. He kept heckling me about it, but all I could think about was that I was approximately an hour and a half away from a bathroom that wasn't infested with herpes, and didn't want to push my luck. But how does one explain that to your new-found but intimidating buddy? You don't. After a little back and forth, he went to the fridge to get Shelly's water, and grabbed another one for me. It's 'on me' he said, just in case you get thirsty. Thanks, GINORMOUS grill sergeant buddy, thanks!

P.S. All our adventures were part of our YOLOcoaster campaign. I am not really up on ye old young people's vernacular, but apparently YOLO is the new slang for 'You Only Live Once,' which can surely be used as an excuse to indulge in all manner of sketchy and destructive behavior. We, however, used it as the motto for all our fun adventures, and bonus points for actually being able to remember it all later and with no time spent in the slammer. Woo!

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Kids Commentary!!

T: James, if you keep practicing your bow and arrow, you can get really good at it and be an Indian when you grow up. Indians are really interesting.

K: (to Chappy) You should enter a contest for Crazy, because you'd probably win.

T: I have two friends who are twins, Wi-wee and Wee-uh. But they aren't attached. Remember we watched a show about that?

T: Uh, Mom...problem! I can't poop because I didn't eat enough food.

J: Don't bring those blankets Mom. I germinated them. (meaning he coughed all over them when he was sick)

T: (after seeing a very short man) I thought he was a kid, but he is not. He is the most medium sized dad I have ever seen.

T: Chocolate is my favorite color. (that's my boy!!!)

K: Mom, come look at my hair! It looks like Justin Beaver!

K: I don't like peaches. The fur gets on my skin and makes me itchy.

T: I almost cried (on the first day of school) but then I didn't hear a peep from my tears. They are right behind my eyes, right Mama?

T: I made a best friend at school!

Me: Great! What's his name?

T: I don't know.

J: This place is like Disney Land for flies. (under the food tent at the Grange Fair)

Me: Look for the inflatable cow.

T: That's debatable, and you need an air compressor to blow it up.

T: I got a hosta leaf for my beetle!

Me: That's actually a morning glory leaf.

K: What'd you expect, an afternoon leaf?

T: I need a boy purse. It needs to have two pockets, one for cash, one for money. That's the idea. Yep!

K: Cash and money are the same thing. The paper stuff, and the metal circles are all money.

T: (sitting on his throne...aka the toilet) Mom, I'm gonna tell you what I want for my birthday, and I hope it doesn't cost too much bucks.

J: (playing the card game 'War' with himself) Hey, so far I'm winning!

Me: You're playing against yourself, of course you're winning.

J: Well, this pile is the one that is winning.

T: (watching Yukon Men) I could catch a wolverine someday when I'm a grown up, right mama? I would just make it a whole bunch of cookies for it, and then a few hours later when it is eating the cookies I would sneak up on it and shoot it.

T: Lefty loosey, tighty righty. I got that from Chappy.

K: Now where are you, Mr. Mushroom? I have an appointment with you! To smush you!

Me: Here are two beautiful egg-in-a-holes, James.

J: Well, they are beautiful but I wouldn't put them down in the record books or anything.