Spoof news stories from Monday 25 February 2008

I never know what each day will bring. It could bring world peace, or a nuclear apocalypse, but I do know that at some point I will utter the immortal words 'Oh Boy' and that someone will think I am mad because I am talking to myself.

Rolling Stones' drummer Charlie Watts, 68, has announced that he will undergo surgery later this week to fuse himself to White Stripes drummer, Meg White. The surgery will involve removing each of the drummer's lower halves and switching them...

Bern, Switzerland. Source: XPopenNews After digging to a depth of 100 meters in Russian soil, scientists have found copper-wire estimated to be about 1000 years old. The Russians have drawn the conclusion that their forefath...

The well known teller of tall tales and top writer, Duncan Whiteshed has only been writing since December and has already overthrown other writers from the top spot several times. This led to a dreadful war of words and almost come t...

Buoyed by his meteoric rise in the polls; ecstatic at his dizzying cult-like status, the invincible Barack Obama - America's new Love-God and Feel Good Guru has launched his latest rally - "Love-In - Woodstock 2".

The Federal Aviation Administration finally approved the dumping of airplane waste, while airborne, as long as flight crews freeze and attach tiny parachutes beforehand. For years now airplane crews, with crossed fingers, have released human waste fr...

The World's most wanted terrorist, Osama Bin Laden is planning to dupe millions of American citizens into voting him into office of President of USA later this year. To show what nice chap he is, he is no...

Amid concerns of rising inflation in the oil-rich Middle East and the resulting strikes and demonstrations over the rise in food costs, President George W. Bush has decided to invade Iraq again, but this time with a new, feel-good army and a plan tha...

Judge Hugh Bennett has thrown out Heather Mills claim for £100 million lump sum plus an Annual Allowance of £20 million for herself and £10 million for her daughter Beatrice Milly plus legal fees and expenses saying that "Heather Mills does not...

Los Angeles - (Eye-popping Mess): Seedy-looking sartorial disaster Daniel Gay-Lewis looked like the cat that got the Brylcreem as he struggled to maintain a true-Brit hetero front while accepting the gong for Best Actor yesterday.

After My Fake Baby, a Channel 4 documentary about a new industry in dolls made to look and behave like living babies, comes My Fake Footballer, a Channel 4 documentary about an industry in dolls made to recreate famo...

While being too sick to contemplate, our news desk was forced to move forward with this exciting news event. Innocent bystanders fell victim to indecent exposure by two recent newsliners Paul and Lohan.