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Holiday Calories

BREAKFAST

You’re probably struggling out from under the duvet with a hangover rather than leaping out of bed in excitement over the new bike that’s waiting for you under the Christmas tree. But tradition insists that you join your family for a portion of scrambled egg (170 calories) and two pieces of smoked salmon (60 cals). You may only have been up for five minutes, but your dad’s pouring you a glass of Champagne, so that’s another 89 calories. And don’t forget the two slices of toast with butter, which adds another 200 calories. You’ll probably reach for the coffee to wake you up, but with milk that’s only 14 calories.

THE NEIGHBOURS’ VISIT

It’s not long since breakfast and lunch isn’t far away, but the neighbours have popped around, bringing with them a fresh wave of Christmas cheer and a bottle of wine, which is ‘mulled’ by your dad who’s entering into the Christmas spirit with tremendous zeal.
You can’t resist the mince pies, which contain 185 calories each as well as five tablespoons of sugar, which you wash down with a couple of glasses of the mulled wine (490 cals). You absent-mindedly pick at the peanuts (151 cals) and munch on a couple of cheese straws (82 cals) while trying to look interested as Bob the neighbour drones on about his garden.
Calories: 908
Treadmill time: 67 minutes

LUNCH

The family are gathered around the table, all wearing paper hats and laughing at appalling cracker jokes, ready for the gluttonous feast that is Christmas lunch.
You pile up your plate with two slices of turkey with skin (225 cals), sausage-meat stuffing (185 cals), four roast potatoes (400 cals), bread sauce (50 cals), four roast parsnips (399 cals), two chipolatas wrapped in bacon (468 cals), cranberry sauce (60 cals), Brussels sprouts (35 cals), carrots (20 cals), cabbage (15 cals) and gravy (180 cals), all washed down with three glasses of wine (255 cals) and followed by Christmas pudding with a tablespoon of brandy butter (525 cals). Just as the Queen’s speech begins, out comes the coffee with a dash of cream (84 cals) – come on, it’s Christmas. As you settle down to unwrap your presents, the first box of chocolates is opened and you eat six (270 cals) while ripping open your gifts.

TEA TIME

The sitting room is strewn with wrapping paper, your dad’s nodded off with his paper hat slipping over his eyes and it’s time for yet more food. Since your mum’s gone to the trouble of making the Christmas cake it would be rude not have a slice, even though that will add another 249 calories to your total. That chocolate log looks too good to resist and by now you’re past caring that it’s 240 calories a slice.

Fortunately the cup of tea with milk is 14 calories.

SUPPER

Ah yes, another hilarious Only Fools and Horses Christmas Special to enjoy and time for the first of what will be many rounds of turkey sandwiches at 215 calories a go. To that you add a hefty amount of stilton (232 cals), a slice of ham (28 cals), two pickled onions (eight cals), a handful of salad with French dressing (74 cals) and for good measure you add a dollop of pat6 (180 cals).
Calories: 737
Treadmill time: 55 minutes

NIGHTCAP

It’s been a long, boozy, food filled-day, but just before you turn in, there’s time for a nightcap of malt whisky (48 cals). Your Christmas day calorie consumption adds up to a nightmarish 5,892 calories. That’s 437 minutes on a treadmill – or 51 miles!