With words like "Chopper" and "Excalibur" in the title, you know that this lawnmower can haul some ass and cut some grass. In fact, the manufacturer is touting it as the world's fastest lawnmower with a top speed of 15 mph on 38 hp. It may not seem all that fast, but you could tear up your yard and be inside getting loaded before your neighbor even starts his engine.

In fact, the product site claims that you can obliterate a 9.2 acre plot of land in about an hour—which is just enough time to work your way through a Slayer album using the 12-volt iPod / Cellphone compatible adapter. After all, that is the only way to cut grass with a beast like the Excalibur 3874. Pedal to the floor with metal music blazing and a middle finger extended in the direction of your neighbors. Unfortunately, you won't be enjoying that unbridled masculine lawncare moment unless you can come up with the $11,332 it takes to buy it. [Dixie Chopper via DVICE]