Author: Cheryl Nunn

Hello, everyone and welcome to my mind. It will be an interesting journey because you never know where my mind will go next or what will come up. It moves a mile a minutes and some thoughts are pretty out there. Thanks for coming . It will be fun and hopeful to see what come out of my mind.........

What do you want from life? It’s not a hard question, but most people have a hard time with it. I bet most people would love to say, ” Respect, a long life with the person that turns into a romantic love that is ever lasting, a good job that you love and want to do, a family with great kids, and total dedication to the Lord.” People also want the best for their kids and to be able to retire with a nice little nest egg. This is not an easy road and it has a lot of twists and turns a nd detours that you can’t always plan for. It takes a lot of work with you giving it all your blood, sweat and tears.

Unfortunately, more than a few people are not willing to do the work and get the gold ring in life. It could be because of what they’ve seen from their own family that didn’t work the way they wanted or because of what they saw in the world around them. When you are young everything is black/white. As you grow up that protection bubble starts to fade and colors come into focus and a person starts to question everything. They mean well and want the best and start to work towards it, but then they see that everything that sparkles is not gold and how other people can just snap their fingers and get whatever they want out of life. They see people that are “above the law” because of their money and power. They know the different “classes” that are still in place nowadays. It seems that for some people, life is grand with little problems, But if you come from the “wrong side of the tracks,” nothing is easy and you have to fight for every scrap of food or worms that you get.

I didn’t make life easy for myself. I would not do what anyone would tell me to do unless I was got the answers to just a few questions. You know them as the Five W’s: Who, What, When , Where, and Why. You can also throw How into the mix, just to get the whole picture. I didn’t think is was wrong to question everything from God, Unfortunately, life doesn’t lend itself to you tryinbg out both plans for your life and picking the one that you want to live. I have hopefully grown in knowledge and experience by now that I can to see of the pitfalls in life, but I’m finding out more and more that it is not the case.

Everyone walks their own path. For some it seems easier then others. For those of the second kind it loo hard as can be. I am the second, but some of which I caused myself. I found the real God a little late in life (around I turned 50). Even when I had religion force fed down my throat, I still didn’t find Him. We are to walk and work within the boundaries that are set by God for as long as we are on this Earth. God will make it easier if you are willig to give up your control, and let Him take over your life. God knows the end of the story for you so surrender your life unto the Lord and you will be amazed by what happens to your life.

I followed my own path which didn’t have God in the mix for a very long time. I blamed other people for doing wrong when it was all me. I just put off responsibility for as long as I could. Even then I tried to control other people’s live as if that was even possible with God looking afterme. I didn’t want the blame for the mess that I had created in my life. Now don’t get me wrong. I may have thought in my own mind that I had gone totally to the dark side. But to tell the whole truth, I really was no where near it.

Now that I have God in my life “again”, I am trying to discover me and my gifts as well as my place in God’s world. You see once you turn your life over the God, Satan tries everything that he can to keep you from God’s Love and way of life. He will even throw the book at you. You see, Satan has no power in this world unless your give him the power. He is only here until the return of Jesus and then Judgement Day is here and Satan will going down.

Okay, just in case you didn’t get the subject matter from the title; ” I is one.” I have a little experience on the matter. Preacher’s kids, as a whole, have a bad reputation as soon as we are born. So much is expected of them without their haveing a say so in the matter. Didn’t we throw a tea party in Boston a long time ago to get out from under the thumb of unlawful rules and laws in which we had no say so.?

Preacher’s kids are easily put into two types. Just like everything in life, they are at the extremes of the rainbow. First is the “perfect child”. They do what is expected of them with little rebellion. They grow up in the Lord; just as is hoped for. They are the ones that are always first to jump in and work whenever and wherever they are needed. They are ones you see at all church activeities as always helpful and eager to pass out food at a Church picnc, cleanng up after a church funtions, and setting up for the functions as well . They play their roles and carry out the duties with little complaint. They have no trobule in believing and have faith in Jesus. They are the apple of their parent’s eye. When the world spins right, these are the ones that you rarely take notice jof because they are mostly in the back ground, or their the ones that leads everything

The second types are the “worst” to think of and a lot more seen and pointed out for their actitives which is what they want. They carry out their duties without question when they are young, but rebel more and more a they grow up. They take on the attitude that the church and Jesus are just another kind of conrol which of course was not for them. They are normally very head strong and unwilling to tke anything fro granted. They are the ones that you have to prove it with evidtions not just taking the word of a book or human. They question everything even the small things. They want to cut it up and see how it works. They want to put their hand in the wounds and holes of Jesus’ s body to make sure that it wasn’t a flim fan or just someone trying to sell them some snake oil. They are the ones which want to bite their teeth into it and taste the flavors of the it. They are the searchers who only believe in the here and now. Questioning is not wrong, but God asks them to believe and have faith in something without proof. This is the one thing that they cannot do.

I was labeled a troubled child right from the beginning even before I was able to act or understand what was expected of me.. People, even today, will hear that I am preacher’s kid and immediately take a dislike to me, or they expect me to be the leader. I have to admit that I wasn’t an easy child to raise or work with. I did a lot of things that I am not proud of, but some good came out it; they taught me many things hopefully more good that bad. Everything has to be proven to me. I would not take anyone’s word for anything, and still don’t according to my family. But I hope that I have been able to grow in this area of my life. Now looking back I can see God working in my life. Understanding comes from looking back. That looking back as we all know it is always 20/20.

I’m in the second categoryand I mean that it was totally me. My family kept trying to put me back into the “pool” so to say, but that was something that I would have none of it. I know that my rebellion did not please my family, but I couldn’t just play a role that I didn’t understand much less support. They just could not see why I was not like them. They just believed without anything to be proven to them. Belief was easy for them. I didn’t want to go to church much less any of they activities that had to do with Jesus or church. That was more to get their “goat” than it was because of the subject master. I was forced to take part in everhthing that they could get me into. I do have to admit that I enjoyed some of them. I met people from all walks of life. I learned somethings that I would never have learned without my rebellion. It took me a long time to really accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and to start my true walk with Him. I see now how God showed up and showed out in my life. He was always there. i just had to stop running and look allow Him to take over.

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Just because I’m a preacher’s kid doesn’t mean that I’m a bad apple. Even the “good” kids rebellion and mess up sometimes. I’m not always a “rock star” for Jesus, but I’m just human. God is working a great work in me , and he is not finished yet!!!!!

Today I was reading some article or watching something on TV and they were talking about the white flags that you wave when you say that you quit in total defeat. It’s when one side can’t handle the battle or war and they say “we quit.” It really got me to thinking. The white flag has the smell and feel that you are totally defeated. You can’t get away from it. It’s as if you are saying that your are no good and can’t deal with what is going on around you. You’re not up to the challenge Your giving in and can’t go any further. In more than one way you are giving up the fight, and saying that you are no longer going to play the game anymore. The only problem is that you really can’t give up the fight of life. It will go one with or without you, and there is nothing you can do about it. Really? Is it the end of your life? Can you sit by and not “live” and have no impact on the realm about you?

Does the white flag have to be in defeat and giving up on life? Well, let’s look at it another way. With Jesus, you wave the white flag not do show defeat and giving up but to show surrender to His will. Is it really an act of defeated and giving up on your life? No! You are saying that you are not in control of anything and that you are giving yourself to Jesus so He can use you as He sees fit.

Another word comes to mind when I think about the White Flag and Jeasus…..Freedom! When you let Jesus have His way with your life, a warm, furry blanket wraps aound you in total peace and joy like a coccoon. You have no worries beacuse God is in control and His plans are for you good not evil. If you allow Him to have his way with you, your path will be clear becuase nothing is impossible for God. What you actually experience is victory into of defeat

Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that once you set yourself on the path to follow Jesus, you will not have any problems. In fact, you will in fact, have more battles, but with Jesus leading the way, You will prevail and win in the end. Take your problems to the Lord and in His own time, He will take you where H wants you to go so that you can do what He has called you to do.

Do words have power? Can they change anything? Freedom is a very common word, but the power that is behind it will amaze you. The freedom that you get from following Jesus is totally breathe taking and o wonderest.

Does this sound family? Well, it kinda sounds like it is part of a good ole fashion children’s song that I learned when I was young. The only difference is that there’s nothing funny about this title. Some people think it’s just being sad or having the blues for a day or two, but I have to disagree. I’ve been putting up with it and trying to “handle” it for most of my life, and it is so much more . Sometimes I can fake it to make it for a short while, but since November and and even the beginning of this month it has been rough. I mean really bad.

The kind of depression that I’m talking about is the kind that totally takes over your life and sends your mind into the outer limits of the known universe. It makes you feel helpless. You don’t want to think. You don’t read books because they make your head hurt because of thinking too much. You try to get lost in TV shows and movies. You will do anything to take your mind off your life You don’t want to get out of bed to even go to the bathroom (but of course you have to). You want the whole world to just leave you alone and just go away. You have no energy to fight the world around you. You have lost interest in doing even the smallest things. You either sleep all the time or if you’re like me you hardly sleep at all. You curl up on the sofa if you make it out of the bed, and either eat all you can or hardly anything at all.. You go from one extreme to the other. Your emotions are all over the map. You feel totally our of control. You keep “falling” until you get to the bottom or want to commit suicide which is hitting the bottom with only one final outcome possible.

If you are really lucky, you have some friends that can tell when you are on the slippery slope of depression and will help pull you back from that edge. If not, here are some tricks to try before you hit the dirt bottom:

The first and foremost thing that you should do is get into a good therapy program with a good medication plan. This is the best way to break the depression cycle. I’m not saying that it will keep the depression away, but it will lower the number of times that you will have to combat the depression.

Changing your Physical activity and lifestyle. The more active you are the less depressed you will be. When you are inactive or not sleeping, your brain cells die, cognitive throughput slows down your brain creates false memories, you lose your filter to your brain, your right superior frontal cortex reduced in volume, and it doesn’t adequately regulate your feelings

Change your way of thinking. Most depressed people have negative thoughts most of the time. A lot of them come from abused or difficult lives. If you can learn to forgive and put behind your past, then you can change your thinking from negative to positive. Start by looking up positive thinking in the Bible. It will not be easy but if you start with just one verse at a time, before you know it you will be thinking more positively in no time.

Get in a routine. Depressed is the enemy to a meaningful life and days blend into each other. It strips away all the structure and framework in your life. You no longer want to go out with friends. In fact, you want nothing to do with anyone much less your friends. If you have a gentle routine that you can get back into, the depression will not be able to keep its hold on you.

Set goals. Depression sits heavy on your heart and you like nothing is going your way. You feel like you can’t accomplish anything. Of course, this does not help your self-image. By setting small “doable” goals that you can succeed at and you will start to feel better about yourself. As you start to feel better, upgrade the goals to challenging yourself.

Exercise. I know this doesn’t sound like something that anyone wants to do when you are depressed and to tell you truth it’s not. I’m not talking about going to the gym and work yourself out on heavyweights, but taking a walk about the apartment complex or block is not that much to ask. You will be surprised by the way that it will help you feel better.

Just by using one or two of these tricks can help you get out of the depression sooner. They have worked for me and I have 29 years experience dealing with Bipolar II-depression. It’s not easy, and I’m not telling you it is, but you can deal with it. My prayers go with you.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mins, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Before you can transform your mind, you have to start every day to humble yourself before the Lord. To humble yourself, you have to first admit and then show your helplessness to follow God on your own, but willing to follow the teachings of Christ as well as acquire His character as your own. You labor in vain if you don’t receive inner power, all that is good, as well as love from God. You can’t love without receiving love from God. God is love and He gives His grace and love only to the humble.

James 4:6 NKJV

“But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

‘ God resists the proud

But gives grace to humble’ “

God wants you to love and obey Him and also draw close to Him. When you do these things and keep yourselves open up to Him all the time, you can stand on and claim His love, power, and fulfillment.

When you start feeling like you are slipping far away God, you should drop down to your knees and start praying right then and there. First, you humble and then confess to God every sin that could be standing in your way to God. Search your Bible and then wait for the “golden nugget” that God wants you to learn from the “down time”. It might be greater empathy for others, more of God’s character, or even more of His love. Waiting for God/Holy Spirit’s unlimited potential and resurrection power living inside of you is the only way to endure the pain of this world and waiting for the “nugget” that God is wanting to give to you.

II Corinthians 10:5 NKJV

“casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,”

Now that you are waiting on God, you have to take you ideas, thoughts, imaginations, dreams, and beliefs captive to the obedience of Christ. All your words, actions and emotions come from somewhere inside you. They come from your mind and heart and you can wake each and every morning with the assurance that you have the power to control how you feel, what you say, and how you act during the entire day and night with God’s help. It is a constant adventure and daily war because the closer you are to God the more Satan doesn’t like it. No one is a victim!

It’s happened again, I think!!!! I’m not sure right now. I hope not because it could mark the end of a very dear friendship that I would hate to loose. If it did happened again then this time we know at least two things for certain. First of all, I didn’t try to commit suicide this time just like before. Secordly, we know what caused it this time which is most likely the same reason that it happened in 2011. It was caused by my new pain medication (Oxycodone/Acetaminophen 10/325). I guess my pain medication doesn’t like playing with my mental drugs.

Now let me start at the beginning of this tale. Back in 2011 around the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, my 12 year old daughter had to call an ambulance for me not once but twice due to my getting very sick and out of my mind but the hospital was not sure of why. It was later determined that I had undergone an Altered State of Consciousness caused by a medication mix-up where my conscious mind went to sleep and stayed asleep while my subconscious mind came awake and had a “good old time”. My ex-husbands kept saying that I had attempted suicide which I firmly stood against.

This Christmas, it happened again. I am just now coming out of the worst of it and don’t really know what has happened over the last three weeks. I remember getting the new pain medication, and taking the first dose. After that not much at all until this morning. What I do remember is more like pictures instead of video. I remember a hospital or two. Something about the police and falling down the stairs – a lot. A need to taking care of the animals, but not really wanting to. I must have been in a few fights because I am tender all over my body. Even my head hurts. My ribs on the left side are really tender, but I don’t know how or why. My room is a total mess, but I’m going to get to cleaning it soon.

Today, I have to tell you that I’m thankful for a lot of things in my life. Let me start with the basics. I am thankful for God who created me in His own image. I’m thankful for Jesus who died on the cross for my sins. This means that I can ask for forgiven and become Holy again in the eyes of God. My name is now written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

I’m very thankful to every one of you that read my blog. You take time out of your busyness to read what I said that day. You might even comment on it as well and start a conversation.

I’m thankful to my family, friends and my church family. Y’all have taught me so much so much and have helped me grow in Walk with the Lord. You have helped me out when I needed it. Eric and Bonnie, Mark and Kitty, Ellen and Wylie, Barbara, Ms. Annie, Jennifer, and Michelle just to name a few. You know who you are.

I am thankful for my ex-husbands for making me the better person that I am today. Eric, you showed me the truth of and gentle side of real love, and what it means to be a true Southern Gentleman. I’m just sorry that I threw it away. Philip, you brought out a strength and determination in me that I didn’t know I had. You opened my eyes to several different worlds and I learned a lot. Paul, you supported me no matter what crazy idea I had. You got me to go back to college, and I now have my AS in Accounting. Some members of my family thought I wouldn’t go back to college much less get a degree.

These are only a few of the people and the that I am thankful for. If you are not mentioned I am sorry, but you are loved as well.