Creative Constipation

That would be a totally awesome (read: bizarre) name for a band! Do IT! You know you want to! ;P

Strange how freeing it is to release myself from the commitment of writing on my blog every day… If I wanted to be melodramatic, I could say that I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but it’s not quite so drastic as all that. It’s almost like I feel more able to say whatever I want now that I’ve let everyone down… Or something to that effect.

It’s funny. Aaron and I were actually talking about that yesterday. Well, I was talking anyway. Aaron was mostly listening. I feel pressured when I think about myself creatively. I’m so caught up in what people might think of what I have to say that I end up saying nothing that’s of worth to anyone. When I think about the future and the possibility of succeeding as a writing and I really don’t know if I can handle it… Not the critics or the fans or the whatever the hell I think might happen if I actually write something anyone wants to read. I worry myself, almost to distraction, over the approval, or lack thereof, of my family.

I come from a very fundamental Christian family. My dad has been involved with ministry off and on since before I can remember and much of my childhood was shaped by this. We moved wherever he was needed and both my brother and I were very sheltered.

Getting to the point, I don’t know how some of the subject matter that seems to come most naturally would be received by that part of my family. Not only that, but I find that in spite of my better efforts I very much care what they think…

This is a huge, daunting roadblock that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to obliterate and that terrifies me.