Free will is a myth. Religion is a joke. We are all pawns of something even greater: MEMES! The DNA of the soul. They shape our will. They are the culture. They are everything we pass on. Expose someone to anger long enough, they will learn to hate. They become a carrier. Envy, greed, despair: all memes, all passed on.

Adam Jensen is transformed into an emo weeaboo with a cybernetically enhanced jaw for tactical purposes, where he gets gamershotted by Brazillian Hanzo with a Genji sword and a skinhead with solar panels on his back.

He soon meets an epic doge that he captures like a Pokemon. However Jensen is soon confronted by Widowmaker with armour made of robot arms and a staff (also made of arms).

I often regret saying this, but this is the only Metal Gear game I've EVER played. Regardless, I think Revengeance actually felt like a legitimate entry in the Metal Gear series! It's quick and quirky, not at all like it's predecessors, but I think that's a good thing. Snake was all about stealth, but Raiden is all about close-up combat! Not to mention that the soundtrack is one of the best I've heard from any game in a long long time. All in all, I highly recommend MGR:R! ^^

I remember my first experience with this game like the back of my hand, downloading a torrented variant of this game because I was iffy about opening a Steam account at the time. And it didn't just blew me away, it introduced me to the hack-and-slash genre. Yes, I somehow had no experience with a hack-and-slash game up until 2013, but that's what happens when everyone around you plays sh*tty MOBA games and are physically unable to comprehend the fact that game collections that don't have a f*cking soccer games in them exist, but I digress.

I still remember it like yesterday, firing the game up, sweating in pure excitement. I'm anxious if this is as good as everyone said it was, or it was going to be one of those games where I would end up garnering next to negative opinions about.

Thankfully, it was neither.

It was phenomenal.

In two minutes, I'm slicing anyone who is foolish enough to fall before my sword. It couldn't get any better than this, it was almost perfect...

...and then, the destined Metal Gear RAY bossfight happened.

Ever since that day, little Edward was never the same.

As much as this game has glaring flaws (at least in MY eyes), I still love it all the same. Everyone else does, too. There's a reason why people are still coming back to this game, amidst the sea of incompetence that is Metal Gear Survive.

What can I say about this game that isn't self-explanatory? The graphics are detailed enough, but still have a game-like feeling to them. Jamie Christopherson is to this game what Trent Reznor is to QUAKE. The gameplay is brutal, but not impossible.

However, I said that this game has some glaring flaws for a reason. Even if they don't tarnish my overall experience with it, I don't think the good makes something exempt from criticism.

For starters, I don't like how the parry system works. Either I'm doing something wrong, or it actually is parrying whenever it feels like it. While parrying is a risk worth taking in the long run, I more often than not found myself balanced between running away like a p*ssy or actually parrying. I feel like a more generous time window, or a better explanation to how it exactly functions wouldn't have done much harm, but it's largely a nitpick at this point. Practice makes perfect, as they say!

And the story doesn't fare much better. Raiden got his mind straight-up formatted in MGS2, put himself through immeasurable pain in MGS4 just for the sake of protecting his only true friend, and finally gets a chance to rest at the end of the latter, right? No, f*ck your hopes and dreams, here's an international conspiracy that involves millions of little kids going through the same struggle as you, and the head honchos behind it are funded by the government. Have fun with the therapy! Ugh. Look, I love Metal Gear's moral-challenging storylines as much as the next guy, but Jeez Laweez, cut (PUNS EEHEHEHEHEEHEEEE) the poor motherf*cker a break already! Well, these are largely cutscene-based, and can be skipped with the press of a button, so this is, again, nothing more than a nitpick.

Last but not least, the... hmm, let's just say, "inconsistency". Now, this isn't to say that this game is barebones, or is in complete disarray. I'm more talking about the gameplay. One thing I can't stand in hack-and-slash games, or action games like these in general, is mandatory bullsh*t. The codec convos getting in the way are a serious pet peeve of mine, and it doesn't seem like mods exist to either completely remove, or just fix some aspects with these. The first "file"'s tutorial-esque nature doesn't help matters at all, with Boris constantly reminding you of rather self-explanatory things. Thankfully, in later files, it eases down into plot-related convos, and some of them are skippable with the help of the Y/Triangle button, but it does break up the pace somewhat, and I wish it was handled in a better fashion.

Speaking of pace breakers, who the h-e-double-hockey-stick designed the items menu? Did the guy who designed Bayonetta's snappy D-Pad item mapper got fired because he actually enjoyed pineapple pizza or something? Seriously, what is this menu? You have to be completely still to activate it, and if that didn't raise red flags already, then I don't know what to say.

Oh, and that thing where you gotta mash buttons to recover from a stun? If you unironically endorse this mechanic in games, in the nicest way possible, sir/madam, you are prohibited from reaching anywhere near my proximity.

I appreciate, it now seems like this review has become nothing but nitpicking. However, despite everything I said, I f*cking love this game, and I still see myself coming back to it. Be it the amazing gameplay, the fantastic soundtrack, the smooth graphics, and it's overall "oomph", I still love Metal Gear Rising, and it will always hold a special place in my heart for introducing me to the hack-and-slash genre.

If you haven't played it yet, first of all, you should check if you're still clinically alive, and second of all, go ahead and do it. If you gotta wait for a sale, then wait. But don't wait for a better rig. Get this while you can, because given Konami's recent business practices, the good ol' days after 9/11 might not last long as one might think.