A lot of my life choices have been reckless and spontaneous. As I get older and work toward my goals, the reckless behavior continues

The Good News and the Bad News

Happy to announce that today is my last day of work and then I have five days off. I can not wait to relax and then celebrate Christmas and my birthday with my family and friends. I have another birthday celebration coming up on December 30th and I am SUPER excited. The first birthday party I had was definitely a success. All my friends showed up to celebrate with me and I was able to make some new friends. Last weekend, I was able to step out of my comfort zone and really enjoy myself. There were no rules, restrictions and no drama. I hope the same happens next weekend.

I have really started to relax and not care about things that were important to me in the past. I noticed that the things I stress over are so not worth it and I really need to just do what I can. I am going to do what I can as the ONE person I am and not the THREE people I act like. I am sick of going out of my way for people who do not go out their way for me. Honestly this whole month I have been a people pleaser more than ever and I realize that that mess is for the birds, because at the end of the day it’s nice to help people, but what about me? I don’t do things to get things in return, but a couple nice surprises ever so often would be nice. A girl can only dream LOL.

Although my birthday is coming up, it is kind of bittersweet for me. Last month I found out my papa (god father) was diagnosed with cancer. We share the same birthday and we have been extremely close over the years. Everyone is asking me what plans I have for my actual birthday, but I really just want to spend it with him if his health permits . Through the years he has really made a huge impact in my life and been a second father figure. I love him so much and I was very sad to hear the news, but I know that my God is an awesome God. He will heal my papa and make a way if it’s his will.

I have always feared death. It is just something I try not to think about. My parents always call me the emotional one out of me and all my siblings. Sometimes I hope I die before them, because I know that I won’t be able to handle losing my parents at all. But for now I will just enjoy them while I have them and continue to make memories I will never forget. That’s all you can really do since death inevitable . Unless there is a new development made in the next decade *keeping my fingers crossed.*

Meanwhile, I am really trying to get everything together in my life before next year. I have nine days to really just be ready for next year. My money is looking right, my career plan is in place, my friendships are stronger than ever and so is my family life. At this point I am just focusing on inner growth. It was brought to my attention a couple days ago that most of my struggles seem like mental ones and that honestly seems accurate. I am in such a great place that I should be the happiest person on the planet in theory. In 2017, I will be! 9 more days of this 2016 misery haha. This year was so terrible. Nowhere to go but up 🙂