Ramblings on betterment and resentment

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Hello , I am a magician. Not your Crowley type sitting around with funny hats and chasing naked women around. Nor am I the type at kids parties spangling waist-coat type. More of a card trick type of magician.

The first trick (magicians get arsey and call them effects) was a terrible long drawn out affair, with four jacks being burglars. I can’t remember how to do it now, maybe for the best. But from there I learnt all types of magic ; mind reading Derren Brown style, making cards appear at my finger tips, dicking about with coins, napkins, a metal cup and a ball.

Then I found the esoteric world of the con man. I dedicated great swathes of time learning; dealing cards from the bottom of the deck, the second card of the deck, cutting the cards and keeping the deck in order, stacking while shuffling and even dealing the second card from the bottom. Most people in the magic world would tell you that these are difficult moves to pull off. And yes I did spend years learning them until I could do them.

I am not telling you this to show off , quite the opposite. I have rather small hands and stubby fingers so it took a while to learn.

The problem is all these hours of practise, I don’t enjoy showing these skills off. I use them as a meditation. It not really my thing to show my skills to the lay public and most magicians find the skill set boring.

But it does show that if you put time and effort in to something, you may become proficient. The easy way to do this is to break down each skill down. To it’s key parts.

I learnt to juggle, the prescribed way. To juggle you need one ball, you throw it hand to hand in an arc. Once you are comfortable with this you add a second ball, throw one ball then the second. Then you add a third ball. You break it all down and after awhile you are juggling. My brother decided steps one and two wasn’t juggling and took 3 balls. He did discover the law of gravity that day, but he didn’t learn to juggle.

So imagine if a problem you have, or obstacle to overcome, what then? Well you have the meta problem. That’s probably the nucleus of a lot of smaller problems. So if you work out the small things. The larger part don’t seem so daunting.

Things are only as difficult as we want them to be. If we manifest difficulty we end up with difficulty. After all you can spend 20 minutes moaning about something , or you could use that 20 minutes to overcome it.

The world is populated by shitty people. You meet them everywhere from going to the shop to going to work. 1000’s of shitty nasty people willing to climb over their dead mothers body for a few pounds.

When I meet one of these shitty people . I don’t avoid them I don’t even be shitty back. I become overly nice. I open doors for them , I ask them how they are and tell them they are great. Almost to a sycophantic level.

And do you know why? It is because I get perverse pleasure out of it. I love to see them uncomfortable , when you see in their eyes “I hate this cunt, why don’t he get it , why is he being nice?”. But I get a joy from it. Guess getting this joy makes me a shitty person too.