We’re all familiar with the mail-order bride. Now, the emergence of an imported mail-order husband business of sorts has emerged by way of Thailand.

Thai women who grow up “always dreaming of marrying a foreigner” are bought as brides by Caucasian men who, by Western standards, are not particularly wealthy. The surprising part is that rather than take them back to their native countries, the men choose to settle in Udon Thani, one of the poorest regions of the country, where they can provide a comfortable life for both their wives and their families.

According to this recent New York Times article, these foreign husbands have expanded to a population of 11,000 in the region. They are usually retirees in their 50s, 60s or even 70s, living off their pensions. Needless to say, these men are often much older than their Thai brides and are attracted to the “low cost of living, slow pace of life, and exotic reputation of Thai women.”

“Age is not a factor here,” said Joseph Davis, a 54-year-old American retired Naval officer who married a 30-year-old Thai woman, Nui, after two marriages which ended in divorce. “In America if I marry a girl who is 24 years younger than me, all you’re going to get is eyes and bad talk, bad gossip,” said Davis. “Here it’s not an issue. It happens every day.”

Most disturbingly, Davis seems to enjoy the fact that women here are less “strong-headed and opinionated” than American women and easier to control.

“Thai women are a lot like women in America were 50 years ago… the [American] women now know they are equal, so the situation is not as relaxed and peaceful as it is between an American and a Thai lady.”

I can’t help but feel sorry for his wife, but she seems blissfully unaware of what he says most of the time.

This “relaxing and peaceful” lifestyle includes the fact that language is an obvious barrier. Most foreign husbands speak little to no Thai, forcefully eliminating any communication about conflicts or disagreements which may arise.

Some Thai women openly acknowledge that the marriage is less about emotional love and more about social mobility. “I didn’t like him that much, but he really liked me,” said one of the wives about her foreign husband when she met him. Now she says she is happy because she doesn’t have to work and can stay at home and care for her baby.

Both parties seem to be remarkably transparent about the benefits and trade-offs accompanying the arrangement, which is perhaps why these marriages are likened to business transactions. Thai women are in it for the money and socieconomic status, coupled with financial security for their extended families. The men who marry them pay thousands of dollars in dowry to support their families. What do these foreign husbands gain? A better lifestyle compared to the average Thai standard of living, and an emotional connection with (and superior power over) an “accomodating and affectionate” subservient wife – allegedly more so than if he married a woman if his own age and nationality in his native Western country.

“For some ladies it is just money, money, money,” said Prayoon Thavon, manager of international services at Panyavejinter Hospital in Udon Thani. “Getting married has become a business more than love. People want to improve their social status. Sometimes these ladies spend the husband’s money, use it all, then he’s cut out. There are many cases like that.”

Although these intentions are by no means kept secret, half of these marriages still fail. But it’s not like women marrying men for money is a new idea. That actually mirrors the 50% divorce rate in the U.S., so how radical is this idea anyway? Or is this transactional approach to marriage a win-win situation for both parties?

Categories:

NOTE: 8Asians.com is a community, and we thank you for being a part of it. While we welcome and appreciate differences in opinion, if you're rude or you're promoting spam, we have a right to edit or delete your comment. Read our comment policy for more information.

If you see a comment that violates the 8Asians.com comment policy, you may flag the comment by mousing over the comment and clicking "FLAG."

“Sometimes these ladies spend the husband’s money, use it all, then he’s cut out. There are many cases like that.”

I actually know of a case like that. My friend’s father, a white dude in his 60s, went there and basically got cheated out of a ton of money by his young Thai girlfriend, before she suddenly disappeared. Even my friend thought her dad deserved being cheated.

I love that this story has something to offend everyone..women who are pro civil rights, Asians (guys) against whites stealing their womens, it works on so many levels 🙂

Delilah_Night

I mostly feel sad for women who have so few options. I enjoy a good strip club and have been hearing about Thailand’s legendary sex shows for years, so when my husband and I were recently there, I was eager to attend one. I quickly realized that these weren’t women who were stripping because they got off on it, but because it was the most effective way to support themselves/their family. I didn’t need a common language to read their faces, which to a woman spoke volumes about exactly how much “fun” they were having-smiles were strained, eyes were focused on the wall when they weren’t scanning for a client, and the women who performed the in the shows were completely businesslike about shoving a live bird into and taking it out of their vagina. It seems to me that if marrying an older Western Man provides far more security and stability than being a massage, dance or sex show worker (maybe more respectability within the community…I can’t posit as I’m not Thai) then it’s a far better situation for the woman.

When my helper asked me why women would do things like the ping pong show, I responded that women always have one thing left to sell, and if it were my daughter’s well being on the line I’d do it in a heartbeat regardless of whether I wanted to or not if I were out of other options.

So basically it’s the same thing as mail-order brides (racist, sexist old white men marrying young Asian women) but the guy lives in the bride’s country? Lame

johnminh

“Sometimes these ladies spend the husband’s money, use it all, then he’s cut out. ”

It’s probably just me being cranky, but I can’t help but hope that these ladies cheat these old, socially inept guys out of as much money as possible.

csc3

“This “relaxing and peaceful” lifestyle includes the fact that language is an obvious barrier. Most foreign husbands speak little to no Thai, forcefully eliminating any communication about conflicts or disagreements which may arise.”

so… they can’t even communicate…???

grovemont11

A thought experiment:What is the Thai tradition of marriage?The modern, Western ideal of marriage is all about free-will and true love — two people coming together by their own choice and natural, uncontainable attraction (i.e. not because of an prior arrangement or family pressures economic concerns) to spend their lives together.Perhaps we Westerners project our Western idea of marriagel onto Thailand, which, no doubt, has a traditional and very distinct view of the institution of marriage.Are Thai marriages, traditionally, more about free will and true love or economic circumstances, village proximity, familial influence, etc? Did Thai women, in the past, have any input at all into who they married?Perhaps in the context of Thai marital culture, it makes sense that women are making mostly economic decisions when it comes to marriage. They draw upon a tradition of looking to marry a man that will provide for them, keep them out of poverty and bring them local status . . .Of course, this context doesn’t justify the American male exploitation of this mentality, but it may help explain it . . . Indeed, it seems undeniable that Thai society makes this sort of intermarriage possible in a way that, say, Pakistani or Jamaican culture do not.

iko: STFU mikey STORMloq, the same garbage that is found in STOMRfront. Aren't you yourself doing the same "...making subjective statements about your own ethnicity, just... – What Do White Supremacists Think of Asians?