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Switching Teams

I am 46 years old, been married to my husband for 20 years, have three kids and I fell in love with a woman.

I never considered myself a lesbian – In fact, I never even entertained the idea of being with a woman unitl it just happened and caught me off guard.

My story begins as any other person who feels dissatisfied in their marriage and begins to seek acceptance and attention from another. We met at work, began to spend time together at the office, talked shop over lunches, flirted over drinks, and began to text – day and night. We were in constant communication, I loved the attention, felt alive, looked forward to seeing her everyday and finally found some joie and fun in myself when I was in her company.

It was exciting to be with her. She was younger and hung on my every word. She made me feel special and interesting.

I didn’t intend to betray my husband– it was innocent. She was simply my new office friend but when I realized our amazing connection…it was overpowering.

Then we were away on a business trip together. I am not sure if it was the alcohol or just weeks of repressed feelings but we crossed the line and began having an affair. I was shocked.

I didn’t like woman – I liked men. Yet I loved her and every minute I was with her. I was so confused. I was so happy with her yet I couldn’t fathom what this would do to my husband and kids.

I was filled with shame and anger at myself but not regret. I was paralyzed with my fears of losing my kids and my husband. I was worried about what people would say and how I would navigate through this unexpected transition.

It took me 2 years in therapy to find the courage to “come out” – to myself and my family. It was a lot of hard work and a lot of pain to find my true self but I did.

I thought my life would be over by telling the world that I wasn’t what they wanted or expected me to be. I had to start living my true self and the reality was that I was a lesbian.

My kids and husband were shocked. Without going into the horrific details they went through all the stages of grief (as did I) and are now at acceptance.

I am now divorced and no longer with the woman whom I fell in love with. I am realistic about who I am and although I would never have dreamed that this would be my path, I am grateful that I am now living a true life.