Drifting away from a friend

How do you cope with it?, I've found myself losing contact with a good friend of mine of 6 years, basically the only person I trusted enough to open up and tell her the shit that floats in my brain. Living in different countries does not help either, but we've managed until a couple of months, now I feel that I lost her, and I don't know what to do, sort of selfish I know, just thinking about myself here, but I got a feeling she will be ok, she has a couple of friends with whom she has a similar relationship to ours, and I'm alone in shutty Calgary...I'm just going to miss her a lot, and miss what we had.

Don't give her up. I'm in the same situation with two friends I think...
One friend is my best friend for 14 years, she lives in my street, but since 6 months ago now, she stopped talking etc. Didn't heard of her, been too het house, never there, called her, she didn't answered. Textmessaged her, no answer, just once she answered and said it wasn't me.
Then a friend I met last year. Become a close friend, but I expected too much of our friendship and sended too much messages... So my own fault. I hope both friendships will be alright. I don't give them up, but I'm afraid ...
Good luck man, just don't give up!

Gold Member

Ive drifted away from many friends since I moved a few years back. But those few I really cared about I made an effort to send them texts & emails all the time. Just so u dont lose contact. Friendships evolve & u dont have to see or speak to each other in the same way.

I don't make friends easily. When I do, they are real good friends, not acquaintences. Unfortunately, I have moved a lot in my life and because my friends and I each have our own lives, we drift apart. Over the years there are fewer phone calls and fewer emails and it gets down to birthdays and Christmas and then just Christmas and then something happens and nothing.

Another thing I have noticed is sometimes I wonder why I became friends with some people as we have so many differences.

Then, there are those friends who I try to keep communicating with but if it were not for me there would be no communication because they get busy or for some other reason really don't reach out back to me.

Sometimes, you just have to move on and make new friends wherever you go.

Gold Member

If your friendship is strong, there's no reason physical separation should end it.

Sure, it's harder to be close friends if you're not geographically close. But with e-mail, IM, Facebook, cell phones, and who knows how many other ways to keep in touch now, it's really easier than ever.

I remember the days when snailmail and landline phones pretty much summed it up (and everyone was fanatical about their spending on long-distance calls). THAT was when a friend moving away could be the kiss of death for that relationship!

My advice: Call her up (or IM or whatever) and tell her how much you miss her. Nothing rekindles a friendship so quickly as some good old-fashioned honesty and warmth.

If your friendship is strong, there's no reason physical separation should end it.

Sure, it's harder to be close friends if you're not geographically close. But with e-mail, IM, Facebook, cell phones, and who knows how many other ways to keep in touch now, it's really easier than ever.

I remember the days when snailmail and landline phones pretty much summed it up (and everyone was fanatical about their spending on long-distance calls). THAT was when a friend moving away could be the kiss of death for that relationship!

My advice: Call her up (or IM or whatever) and tell her how much you miss her. Nothing rekindles a friendship so quickly as some good old-fashioned honesty and warmth.

Steve

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These are great points and your post got me thinking that the reason it has been hard for me to stay in touch with old friends is that they have not kept up (or cannot afford to keep up) with technology. They don't have cells, don't use the Internet/email and have only land lines. That is why I always have to initiate the contacts. Thanks for waking me up Steve! :smile:

Gold Member

How do you cope with it?, I've found myself losing contact with a good friend of mine of 6 years, basically the only person I trusted enough to open up and tell her the shit that floats in my brain. Living in different countries does not help either, but we've managed until a couple of months, now I feel that I lost her, and I don't know what to do, sort of selfish I know, just thinking about myself here, but I got a feeling she will be ok, she has a couple of friends with whom she has a similar relationship to ours, and I'm alone in shutty Calgary...I'm just going to miss her a lot, and miss what we had.

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This is a non-sexual and non-romantic relationship? I have found that close relationships of that nature between heterosexual persons of opposite sexes are inherently unstable. But it's difficult to say much about your case because you don't say anything about how this drifting-apart occurred: e.g., whether she has been slow to reply to communications from you or the other way around or both.

By the way, I had not heard that Calgary is "shutty," but according to the Arrogant Worms, Alberta is the only province of Canada that doesn't suck -- but Calgary does.

VerifiedGold Member

I'm also in the same situation ... i have a straight friend and i feel that were drifting apart s he gets older. Its not as if anyone else has taken my place i think hes just changed. We still hang out and stuff but we both agree things have changed. It feels awfull but theres nothing you can do, its part of life, people change situations change it might come back it might not.

Gold Member

How do you cope with it?, I've found myself losing contact with a good friend of mine of 6 years, basically the only person I trusted enough to open up and tell her the shit that floats in my brain.

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I've had similar experiences. It sucks big time. Big hug to you.

I've come to accept that even best friends drift apart as nothing is permanent. The good part is that if you were great friends it is rare that that connection is forever lost and may even be revived years later as those great memories and closeness never die, they just are dormant. Being so familiar with each other one day you may just pick up where you left off as if all this time never lapsed.

The best way to cope with it is to stop lamenting and cultivate new close friends and not think you can't ever have another close friendship as the one you lost.

Sometimes these things happen. I have moved around a few times for school and when you don't physically see the person it's hard if not impossible to maintain that level of friendship. This doesn't mean that you guys will not be friends, and if you visit her or see her again you guys will still be friends.

It does hurt.
I have a pen friend that lives in a diffrent country and we use to chat all the time online.
These days it seems that I am the one who is putting any sort of effort into keeping communication going.
I don't want to cling too hard or make a huge issue of the situation, but it would seem that I place a higher value on the friendship than they do.

I honestly think that if you really want to keep something alive you have to work at it. We have all the technology in the world now to stay in touch with people 24/7. Relationships change and evolve constantly, but if you're truly friends with someone you do whatever it takes to make it work.

OK, so I did what you guys recommended, but it turns out that she had gone to visit NYC, I didn't know that, and when she arrived and logged on and I tried to have a conversation with her, it seems like I'm just bothering her, you know short answers, taking a long time to respond, it's always like that, so I guess that it's done.

How do you cope with it?, I've found myself losing contact with a good friend of mine of 6 years, basically the only person I trusted enough to open up and tell her the shit that floats in my brain. Living in different countries does not help either, but we've managed until a couple of months, now I feel that I lost her, and I don't know what to do, sort of selfish I know, just thinking about myself here, but I got a feeling she will be ok, she has a couple of friends with whom she has a similar relationship to ours, and I'm alone in shutty Calgary...I'm just going to miss her a lot, and miss what we had.

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Calgary sucks.:wink: *just wanted to get that off my chest*

I've had a time or two when different friends of mine seemed distant, drifting away from my life as they continue to grow with their own. In those cases, the issue was distance which is similar to yours, I suspect.

I hate to say it, but regardless of how solid the friendship is, it can easily crack and break apart if the right amount of effort isn't put in. Sometimes, it's really just a case of not being in each other's life at the moment. I mean, you are in Calgary, doing your own thing... living life. She's in another country doing the same thing.

When you arent' in their live constantly, unless you can find some sort of common ground, it becomes harder to connect. It doesn't mean you can't remain good friends.. it just means you might have to redefine your relationship with her. Long distance friendships often mean you have to speak less than you may want to, sometimes going days/weeks/months without hearing their voice.

If you care for her, be persistent, keep emailing, talking on MSN, the phone, whatever you use. Don't be naggy, begging her to come home.. but keep a dialogue. When she does come back, it will be like no distance had occured.

OK, so I did what you guys recommended, but it turns out that she had gone to visit NYC, I didn't know that, and when she arrived and logged on and I tried to have a conversation with her, it seems like I'm just bothering her, you know short answers, taking a long time to respond, it's always like that, so I guess that it's done.

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Be careful you don't project your own doubts into the relationship. It's possible she is just really busy.

Have you considered writing an email? That way she could respond on her own time.

I have had the same thing happen to me. LISTEN CAREFULLY...... This is part of life. It happens to everyone. No, it is not painful, but there is a part of you that is growing, maturing. Go ahead,...walk through it. Be your own best friend for awhile. Who knows, You may even find out something about yourself that you never knew and that you really like.
No one ever promised you life was easy, including your God. Friends come and friends go. They are like seasons. Some are very long seasons. Count those ones lucky.
Today,..Do something nice for yourself my friend.