Monday, April 09, 2007

In the classic tradition of Fox's November airings of 'The Simpsons'" Halloween specials (and because I spent too much time on the stupid thing to not post it just because it's a day late) Plastic Pumpkins proudly presents-

"It's another quiet Spring morning in bustling downtown Easterville... but deep within the private laboratory of Dr. Dudley D. Bunny the vindictive forces of Mother Nature will soon come head to head with the arrogance of Bunnykind... turning this peaceful day into a day of terror!"

"At long last Lab Assistant Flopsy, the secret formula that I've toiled over for years past is finally complete. Sitting before us is an elixir that will spell an end to the countless hours Bunnykind must spend dying Easter Eggs! Oh, think of the grand feats of science and art that bunnies will achieve once freed from their egg-dying bonds!"

"But what sort of an elixir is it that could do such a thing, Dr. Dudley?"

"It's simple really, Lab Assistant Flopsy. My formula is a secret combination of vitamins, minerals and certain barely legal radioactive isotopes which, when ingested by any egg-laying creature will result in said eggs being laid in dazzling striped hues of pink and blue and yellow and green and every other color you could possibly imagine!"

"That's amazing, Dr. Dudley!"

"But first I must test my formula to be sure of it's effectiveness. I shall drink of this first batch, myself!"

"Are you sure that's safe, Dr. Dudley?"

"Of course, Lab Assistant Flopsy! What could be safer than vitamins and minerals and isotopes?"

"Glug-glug-glug-glug-glug"

"Now we simply sit back and wait for me to lay my next egg..."

"But Dr. Dudley, bunnies don't-"

"Damn my eyes! Bunnies don't lay eggs! Oh well, no harm d-"

"GLURK!"

"Dr. Dudley, are you okay? Dr. Dudley?"

"RRAAAGH!"

"Uh oh."

"GRRRAAAGGHHHH!!!!"

"So you say that this fifty-foot tall rampaging bunny monster is actually a brilliant scientist who has accidentally fallen afoul of one of his own experiments and is in no way in control of his own actions?"

"That's right, General!"

"Very well... we'll try to kill him as quickly and as painlessly as possible."

"But, General-!"

"Damn it, Sergeant! Get this lab assistant out of here on the double!"

"But...but..."

"Come along now little girl... everything will be fine."

"I'm a boy..."

"Ground troops! Assemble!"

"Now men, this is the moment you've been preparing for since the day you entered the Giant Bunny Defense Corps! I want you to go out and show all those smirking taxpayers who scoffed at the need for the GBDC how their tax dollars have been put to use... I want you to take that giant bunny down!"

"AYE SIR!"

"RRRAAARRGGHHH!"

"AIIEEEEEEE-!!!"

"Oh my God, General. It's a bloodbath!"

"Hmmm.... I believe that it's time to rethink our stratagem..."

"Send for the bombs!"

"General Fuzzytail, sir. I'm Klara Klucker from the Daily Lay... is it true that you've authorized the use of atomic weaponry against this giant bunny menace?"

"Damn it, Sergeant! Get this reporter out of here on the double!"

"The public has the right to know-"

"Come along now, miss. Everything will be fine."

"Where do these damned reporters get their cockamamie ideas?"

"Now where were we, Sergeant? Oh yes... the bombs!"

"General sir, please! Call off the bombs! That's my fiancee up there"

"Damn it, Sergeant! Get this statuesque blond out of here on the double!"

"But General... I just know that if you'd let me speak to Dudley for a moment that I could calm him down and end this whole thing peacefully!"