Hello, Central?

Posted Saturday, September 8, 2007, at 7:06 PM

At least he wasn't hit by one of these.

Today at lunch I saw three young women sitting at a table together talking. This wouldn't normally catch my eye, but in this case, as it happened, they weren't talking to each other; each was carrying on a separate conversation on a cell phone. (At least I assume they were separate conversations… It is not impossible that they were talking to each other on their cell phones.)

All I could think of was, "Why are they going to lunch together? Why aren't they at lunch with those other people they'd rather be talking to?"

And in other cell phone news, I hear second-hand (which is how one gets all the best stories, after all) that a gentleman was slightly injured by a flying cell phone at the Dyer County Fair the other night. It was flung by centrifugal force from a merry-maker on one of the exciting rides. I don't know if it was in a pocket or if she just happened to lose her grip in mid-conversation. The conversation would presumably have been going like this: "Oh, nothing much. Going round and round really fast. Can you hold on a minute? I have to throw up." Then, ZING!!

The gentleman who stopped the cell phone wasn't seriously injured, but the device itself didn't survive its encounter with his skull. The reaction of the cell phone's owner when she retrieved the pieces of her communication device?

Mr. Doolin, these Ten Commandments should be posted at the Dyer County Courthouse, and published on the front page of the State Gazette.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- Posted by Johnny Yuma on Mon, Oct 15, 2007, at 7:54 PM

I found this on the net and could not agree more:

The first Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette, with amendments to follow:

1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation, such as on the bus, in a cab, on a grounded airplane, or at the dinner table, you should spare them. People around you should have the option of not listening. If they don't, you shouldn't be babbling.

2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play La Cucaracha every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that phones go off every other second? Now we have to listen to synthesized nonsense?

3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances. I'm not even sure this one needs to be said, but given the repeated violations of this heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include it.

4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But with plenty of techno-jockeys sporting pagers and phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow. Let's nip this one in the bud.

5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all seriousness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually. Put them together and we have a serious health hazard on our hands.

6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not on thy phone. This is not unlike being on the phone and carrying on another conversation with someone who is physically in your presence. No one knows if you are here or there. Very disturbing.

7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. These things have incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where I can tell if someone is calling me from a cell because of the way they are talking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help, unless the person is actually within earshot.

8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At home, give it a rest.

9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive in any way (unless it's one of those really cool new phones with the space age design), when it is used for that reason, said user can be immediately identified as a neophyte and a poseur.

10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on your belt.