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Sunday, February 19, 2017

The One that I don't feel good enough

Today I woke up feeling defeated and not good enough and the day didn't even start. I thought to myself I really need to do stuff to make me feel better, to feel like I am a good mom. I put extra effort in breakfast and made waffles. My kids were so happy and smiles on their faces, while I was thinking what am I going to eat? We ran out of syrup. I ended up not eating breakfast because I just wanted to move on and get church at home going. I have been reading this book, In This House We Will Giggle by Courtney DeFeo. This book takes different topics to teach the whole family. I like this book a lot because it gives my family a month to really focus and understand characteristic traits we should have as a follower of Jesus. For this month it is Love. Throughout this month it is the focus of our family. I point out Love actions in my children and make sure I praise them for their actions. Or they receive a heart for showing love and when they get 7 hearts they get a little reward when we go to the store. Also, we have been dissecting the famous Love verses 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is Patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." I asked my oldest daughter Apple to pick a word to look up, so we can understand the verse better. She picked envy. She looks it up on her phone and reads the definition. I asked her has she ever felt jealous. She says yes and tells her story of how she felt jealous before. Then I share my story of how I have been feeling jealous of other moms. I tell her I don't want to feel this way and I pray to God to take this jealousy away in my heart, and fill my heart with love towards these moms instead. I tell her it's okay to feel jealous, but we need to know how to react to this feeling. Telling God about our jealousy and asking Him to take the feeling away and to love people we're jealous of is a great way to handle jealousy. Even after teaching my children about Love and doing God's work, I still feel not good enough. So I suggest to look up crafts on Pinterest to do together that has to do with Love. I'm looking at Pinterest and I see this cute Octopus stuffed animal. I say we can make this, I have a bunch of Gracie's (my 1 year old) old clothes, we can use them to make the Octopus. It shows that Love brings comfort to others just like a stuffed animal. Apple picks an outfit out that I can cut up and make it into a stuffed Octopus. I'm working on it and I think this is not what I had in mind by doing a craft, I'm doing all the work. It's not even new material and it just doesn't look like the Pinterest picture. I'm thinking I need to just stop doing this. I stop what I'm doing and I say to Apple "I think I'm going to stop, I'm doing all the work, I wanted you to be a part of it and I'm having to do all of it, and it's not even turning out right." She says with such a postive attitude "I like it, it's creative that we are using Gracie's old clothes and how can I help? I think it's going great!" With my doubting self attitude I say, "are you sure you want me to keep going?" Apple says "yeah you should finish." So I continue on, and on, and on. Three time I made these little Love-O-Pus we call them. Love Octopus. One for Apple, One for Hezekiah, One for Gracie. After I finished Apple's, I give it to her. With her happy go additude she says, "Wow! I can't believe you made this. Is this your first stuffed animal you made. I really like it! I'm glad you finished it because you believed it wasn't going to turn out good, and it turned out so cute." The words of a 9 year old. Blew me away! How appreciative she was of me making this for her. She was my cheerleader, when I have doubted myself, she believed in me. God was also there, before my little Apple was cheering me on. God was cheering me on, but I chose to listen to my thoughts more then what God had to say. This morning I woke up deafeated and not feeling good enough, comparing myself with other moms. I chose not to listen to Him, he used my daughter to be a voice for Him. It broke through my heart. God You are cheering me on, even before I woke up.

2 comments:

I don't know why it's giving me a tough time to comment. :/ Anyways thank you for sharing your heart! It's a such a struggle to not fall into the comparison pit. I love how God can use our children to speak life into us though.

About Me

My name is Jennifer. I am 30 year old. I am a wife and a mother of 3. I have found healing from depression and anxiety through Christ Jesus. He is my greatest friend. He is walking with me through a journey in homeschooling.