Beautiful Fat Girl

I am painfully aware of my physical imperfections when I think about boys. Moreover, I am painfully aware of my physical imperfections when I think about a specific boy. Isn’t that always the case? Isn’t that why girls flick their hair and adjust their shirts when boys are around? They want to look perfect. I am definitely not the exception here, though I sometimes wish I was. The most prominent parts of my struggle as a Beautiful Fat Girl stem from my deeply rooted desire to be held and loved by a knight in shining armor (pardon the cheese). And so, when I am around the boy that I can’t help falling for, all of my insecurities amalgamate in to one simple thought: I am not good enough for him.

Perhaps that is true, perhaps I am not good enough for him. But I refuse to believe that my weight has anything to do with that. I refuse to believe that this incredible guy that-for some reason or another-has captured my attention, would rule out a girl because of her size. But then again, perhaps I am simply a blissful romantic. Who knows. Only time will tell.

I spent so much time on this because I know that a lot of my stories as a Beautiful Fat Girl will revolve around my helpless crush on this wonderful guy, who we will call Handsome Tall Boy.

Until next time,

Beautiful Fat Girl

P.s, though I have a diploma in a frame on my wall… my spelling and grammar continue to be somewhat of a struggle for me. So please bare with me as I stumble through these stories and posts.

All of the best novels in the history of literature have had opening lines that were able to captivate even the most distracted of minds. Thus poses the dilemma that I am currently faced with. The dilemma I have when I start an academic paper, the dilemma I have when I write an email, and the dilemma I now have when I sit down to begin this blog. How am I, Peyton Wright, supposed to write an opening line that will capture the minds of readers? I know that I am not writing a novel for the ages, but the pressure to deliver an impressive first line is present nonetheless. And so, this is my attempt to captivate you:

I am a Beautiful Fat Girl.

I am fully aware that my opening line does not compare to that of Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities, but it is the vulnerable truth and it will have to do. I am a Beautiful Fat Girl. This is the reality that I have been wrestling with for my entire life. How can a girl be both beautiful and fat? These are two “contradictory” words that are rarely placed together in a sentence; and, truth be told, these are two words that I still have a hard time pairing together. We have been conditioned to think of beauty as something that only comes in a size zero, which then leaves those of us with a thicker waist line feeling both ugly and fat. I yearn for this to change.

The past seven years of my life have resembled the ups and downs of a roller coaster; my confidence as a Beautiful Fat Girl is anything but consistent. Some days I love who I am and the way I look, but other days I lay awake at night in both tears and frustration with my body. I am not perfect. But, despite my flaws, I believe that I am beautiful. And it is with this deep conviction to find beauty where others fail to do so, that I venture in to the world of blogging. Join with me as I wrestle through my insecurities, as I fall for a guy who doesn’t notice me, as I try to stop comparing myself to others… as I realize what it truly means to be both beautiful and fat.

This is my life and it is messy. I want to say that I will maintain a positive outlook on the way I look, but I might not. I want to say that I will get the guy in the end, but I might not. I want to say that I will learn that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I might not. All I can promise you is that I will be honest with my struggles and triumphs as a Beautiful Fat Girl. I hope that you can find something in these stories and confessions that you too can relate to, something that might somehow give you hope in your own messy life.