Heidi Montag wrote another movie

While you’d just assume Heidi Montag spends 98% of her time waxing her jugs outside my bedroom window, it’s more like 85% because she’s apparently churning out screenplays like Stephen King on coke. Us Magazine reports:

“I’m writing a movie right now. It’s very action packed,” the bikini-clad reality star, 23, told UsMagazine.com Sunday at the opening of the Liquid Pool Lounge at Las Vegas’ Aria Resort & Casino.“It’s Bourne-meets-Barbie,” adds Montag, referring to Matt Damon’s action flicks. Montag would would “of course” play the starring role.
“I’ve trained in knife fighting and guns for over two years with one of the founding members of Saw, [who] was [in] the original Delta Force. So I’ve been shooting and practicing the whole real-life action figure for years,” she said. “So I’m very excited to have action roles.”

I’m going to be completely honest with you: I would stab my grandmother in the neck just to read one of Heidi’s screenplays. Mostly because I want to see this dialog happen:

ARMY MAN
This bomb needs not to explode so much, Heidi Bourne
who is like Matt Damon in that movie.

HEIDI BOURNE
Help me point my boobs at my boobs
to make bomb stop with my boobs.