Friday, June 18, 2010

Lauren's going to kill me I just know it. It doesn't matter what she says, I AM going to cry on Thursday night when she gets up on stage at her Grade 8 grad to deliver her address as class Valedictorian.

It hit me today as we did a dry run with the dress, the shoes (the oh-so-grown up shoes at that!) to make sure no last minute alterations are required. Where has the time gone? My goodness she's so tall and so stunningly beautiful.

I will never forget that Monday night. Murphy Brown was on TV. I was restless and edgy - and probably a little cranky, but justifiably so. Our two little boys, Andrew-5 and Matthew-2, were tucked away in their beds. Lawrie was probably watching TV and definitely giving me my space. Then it was time. A call to my parents in Mississauga and they were on the way. Construction on the highway delayed them to the point that we had to leave for Southlake the minute they pulled in the driveway 3 hours later.

On the way to the hospital, I wondered, for the first time, whether I would have a boy or a girl. I was afraid to wish. But I really wanted a little girl to name Lauren. I had dreamed about her all my life. But I would have been content with another boy too.

When we arrived at the hospital, I remember dropping into a wheelchair like a ton of bricks because I was afraid I would bring a child into the world right in the parking lot. Please don't cringe - this is not becoming one of those too-much-information-labour stories.

I got upstairs, Lawrie foolishly went in search of reading material because he thought this might be hours long like the first two. By the time he arrived in the room the main even was almost over!

Heck, the Doctor didn't even make it for the final curtain call.

And there she was. Our beautiful Lauren - the perfect little girl I'd been dreaming about having since forever. I never cried so hard and with so much all consuming joy in my entire life, which now, was complete.

Fast forward 13 and one half years. I could not be more proud of the little girl who has become a beautiful young woman.

And she says don't cry! Honey I've already purchased the waterproof eyeliner and mascara. I think it'll be September 17, 1996 all over again!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

People suck. Well, maybe not all of them - there are a few good ones out there. But for the most part, yes, they can be very disappointing.

And, there are certain places where I've foolishly assumed that the people I know through that association would be of a certain moral character - silly me for thinking that belonging to a Church means that a person would operate with integrity and in a forthright manner. In fact, some of my worst experiences, particularly in business, have been with people who call themselves "born again" Christians. The term, and its implied sense of superiority, makes me shudder.

I respect people who are the same - 7 days a week. I don't know a lot of them, but I find myself drawn to those who are "the real deal". Maybe its because I am, that I can sense it in others. And because I am consistently the same, flaws, positive attributes and all, I find that people love me or hate me. That works really well for me as long as they have the strength of character to be honest about it.

One can be all prayerful and religious all day every Sunday, and fail to realize that the rest of the world really judges the thoughts, actions, and attitudes which manifest themselves through every day living during the other six days. A million hallelujahs, hail Mary's or whatever on one day of the week just doesn't cut it.

I think this applies to every extreme form of religion. And here's the funny thing - every single "religion" in the world was formulated by people.

Whether you believe in God, or some kind of supreme being; whether you just chalk it up to "karma" or "the universe", what it really boils down to is making the choice to operate from a place of being genuine. And maybe a touch of honesty thrown in for good measure.

I guess that once I got past being so disappointed and angry with all the religious people I know, I started feeling sorry for those who wear their religion like some misplaced badge of honour, only to behave in a way which would repel others from ever wanting to join their ranks.

Where's God in all that? Nowhere. Just as I suspected. The building's real pretty though!