Lake Twp. woman learns to 'own' her bipolar disorder

Thursday

Missy Reed was 5 years old when she realized she saw the world differently from other people.

If someone remarked, “Look, how pretty the sun is coming through the window,” Reed would think to herself, ”No, it’s not sunny. Everything’s gloomy.”

“It was like a cloudy day all the time to me,” she said in a recent interview.

For decades, Reed said, she lived in pain and sadness before she was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder with suicidal tendencies, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and anxiety. Knowing why she had those feelings, and finding out who she was and liking that person, changed her life.

“I own my bipolar,” Reed said. “It’s something that was given to me, and I have to deal with that. I’m OK with that. It actually makes me who I am.”

Today, Reed, 58, of Lake Township, is a mother and grandmother. She’s also a board member of the Stark County chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, a role in which she works to help her peers and their families understand and live with mental illnesses.

Part of her job and her recovery is sharing her story.

Reed said an inborn chemical imbalance coupled with a traumatic event involving a relative contributed to her mental illness. Back in the 1960s, when she was born, nobody in her family talked about mental illness or going to a doctor for treatment.

Reed said she was a chameleon. If someone needed her to be happy, she would be happy. If someone needed her to be sad, she would be sad. Inside, she was numb.

“I never wanted anybody to feel the kind of pain and the darkness that I felt on a daily basis,” she said.

Reed attempted suicide more than once as an adult, something her husband of 33 years didn’t know until after she landed in legal trouble in 2004 and was diagnosed with a mental illness, she said.

“This is an illness that destroys people and families,” Reed said. “It’s not something to take lightly, and when I hear people say, ‘Why did he or she do that? Why did they commit suicide? They looked fine,’ I look fine too, don’t I? You don’t know what’s going on in someone’s head.”

In 2012, at the urging of her youngest daughter, Reed went to her first NAMI meeting. She knew there were other people like her, but walking into the meeting was hard “because I was admitting to strangers that I’m in the same boat they are,” she said.

At the meetings, she learned more about the brain, coping skills and triggers from people who shared her background. Part of her role with NAMI is facilitating those kinds of discussions.

People with mental illness need to surround themselves with people who love them, listen to their doctors, get into support groups, learn as much as they can about their illness and advocate for themselves, she said. Recovery is a lifelong journey.

Reed also helps families understand what is happening when a loved one is dealing with mental illness. Parents have to talk to their children about their feelings and understand what is going on in their lives, she said, noting that more families and school officials are reaching out in light of recent youth suicides.

“Don’t be afraid to probe,” Reed said. “You’re a parent first. You’ve got the rest of their lives to be their friend when they’re adults.”

In her own recovery, Reed said, she tries to focus on the good things in her life, including her grandchildren and her marriage. She feels for those who are working hard but have yet to reach recovery in their lives, “Because recovery is awesome.”