I'll be donating a generous sum to whomever writes an original story and makes me laugh within this thread. Bonus dollars awarded for inclusion of construction related keywords pointing back to the http://www.edgewoodconstruction.com website like this:

my house looks like it was made in the 70's the brady bunch and gong show but i called phil at edgewood now thats not a problem anymore my wife lets me touch her in places i haven't in years so called edgewood today just bring over some good beer

OK, so it was my senior year of high school. I was just beginning to enjoy getting out for lunch every day (underclassmen had to stay at the school), but I usually stayed at school anyway. But on this day, I had forgotten my history textbook. OH NOES! What would I do? There was no way I could go home and get it in the 30 minutes we had for lunch. The walk was too far.

Or was it? Because I walked to school everyday, I knew of a bicycle that was often stashed at the back of the schoolyards, near the baseball field. Usually it was unsecured, because it was a shitty bike, and who would steal it, right?

Well, me. I walked to the back of the baseball field and there was my t(rusty) steed. Undaunted by the thought of breaking the law, I climbed aboard and pedaled for home. Once there, I got my book, slapped together a sandwich, grabed a Pepsi and headed back for school.

I parked the bike at the back of the baseball field with 10 minutes to spare. I was about to go back inside when I decided to leave a thankyou note. I scribbled it hastily on a piece of notebook paper and attached it to the handlebars.

It read:

THANKS FOR THE RIDE!

I never did see the bike again.

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Better to be the bastard child of a king and his whore than to be a ****ing peasant at the shite homer trough.