I'm young still, and am finally managing to hold down a job AND have some fun with my friends. I deeply resent anyones' attempts to place responsibilities on me that I did not choose and that are not mine. (*gently shoves cat away from keyboard throughout typing this post*)

I missed my idiot brother's accidental daughter first birthday party noon Saturday. Although I received a cute Pooh invitation I had not rsvp'd nor had I planned to go before he called last week and asked me to come. Gah. So, Fri night before bed I mentioned it, and the tentative plan was in place. Not that I'd gotten a card or a gift or anything..

And Saturday morning stuff happened, as it tends to. At 12:30 when I was upright and could open my laptop I replied to the directions mail that I wasn't going to be able to make it, that if I left right that instant I'd barely get there before 2 (the closing time of the party).I deliberately did not call, as I did not have any useful response to the hurt feelings that may have been generated. Similarly I'm not caling him back today...

So, more calls yesterday and today. I called my Dad back to make sure there wasn't something of actual import going on, and he merely delivered guilt about me not being there, saying it was 'important'.

WTF ever. F-ing relatives (and I actually do okay with my mom and dad). Did I ask everyone I'm kin to to come over for tea the last couple times I got fired, failed out of school, or had a messy breakup? Why do I get shit for not wanting to help validate his massive errors in judgment?

And how tf am I supposed to help them raise their child, take on some of the responsibility for their stupid, when I've got plenty of my own AND people in my family with children (and some sense about them) to look out for?

You should have sent a birthday present. To your brother: A bottle of cheap vodka and a wire coathanger, with a note saying "Oops, guess this present is over a year late." To the kid: A toy drum set. I hear the best revenge against a sibling is to buy their kids toys that make a lot of noise.

"Did I ask everyone I'm kin to to come over for tea the last couple times I got fired, failed out of school, or had a messy breakup? Why do I get shit for not wanting to help validate his massive errors in judgment?"

'Cause it's teh BAYBEEEZ and everybody loves teh BAYBEEEEEZ or else they are a sick and irresponsible human with deeply seated mental issues that should probably be seen about. What kind of monster isn't interested in such a SPAYSHUL LIL MIRACUL!!!11!!!?

*makes obscene gesture*

I'm right there with you dude. There's nothing particularly miraculous about a biological function, but I DO find the sense of entitlement that apparently comes with its arrival one of the great wonders of our modern age.

I called my Dad back to make sure there wasn't something of actual import going on, and he merely delivered guilt about me not being there, saying it was 'important'.

important? important to whom?

anyway, i think the big deal here is that you said that you would go, but then you didn't. the end. if you had said that you weren't going, you might have been an asshole in your family's eyes, but at least you would've been an honest one.

not that i think you're an asshole for not wanting to have anything to do with your brother, et al. just stick to your guns, and after a while, they'll leave you alone about it.

You seem to be stuck in an interesting cycle about this whole thing. Ostensibly this kid has about 40-60% of your DNA matched thus, might have a chance at a lack of suckage that your brother, who has a much higher match rate seems to have filed at. However, your desire to have very little to do with your brother seems to have little to nothing to do with the spawn and rather, stems from an interesting world view about family and whatnot. I've seen you struggle for years to treat 'family' like something... but I've never been convinced that you knew what that something was... I think.

Honestly, when I was growing up, my family raised me. Not just the near relatives but the long distance ones so, I have a pretty good idea of what a good family thing can do. Thus, I visit the niece and cousins as often as my terribly busy schedule can allow because I honestly have a delusion that it'll positively impact 'em in the longrun.

Given that your niece is only 1 year old and probably has very little comprehension of the whole thing, I really don't see it as something to fret over for her sake and I think that your family is just being a little odd about the whole thing. If it's them wondering if you're even getting along with them at all, well, that I have no opinion on at all as I don't really know the details there.

On the plus side, everything can seem to be summed up as: the kid don't care and your family'll get over it.

Yes, I am familiar with the definition of family you use there, and in fact my mom (in particular) is that way, keeping up with her various cousins and aunts to this day. I never was. Most of my parents kin, living and dead, are nuts or otherwise non-useful, with a couple exceptions... and I have interacted with them mostly civilly since I passed the age of majority, but I can't really help any of them ..

My 'brother' .. well in this incarnation I might have known him five years, perhaps including some weekend visits when he was in the Navy. We have some things in common and get on fairly well, but I've never been sure if he was family. I think this incident is helping me finally decide that.

Previous comment (started with "You are an asshole!") is screened for various reasons, including unasked-for disclosure of others personal information.

And while discussion of my confusion about the nature and utility of family is on-topic here, I don't think there is anything of interest that isn't covered elsewhere in this thread.

Threats to 'disclose' the content of this ranty public post to .. my brother (he's on my FL, but does not use LJ last I heard) or my mom (she's read my LJ before) are .. just f-ing stupid.

Really, you started off on the right track, but the ad hominems, personal information, and *mrrr?* blackmail attempts (wtf?) totally overwhelmed any good point you may have had.

So, returning to our topic: I may in fact be an asshole for not telling my brother what a dumbass he is and how little I want to do with his mistake. I just feel that staying out of it is a better strategy.

And in partial conclusion, as noted by femme above, my error was in being wishy-washy and agreeing to show up (whn I'd not previously intended to) and then not making it.

Hey man, what can I say, at least your honest with me, and yes, I can come off as "blackmaily" but, when I am pissed I tend to rant...it's probably the meds...I just wish you would be up front with your brother rather than making this an odd sort of one sided rant war, that continues to leave him in the dark...M.A.D.P.S.My back sucks and will soon be having my entire Lumbar region fused together....