“I do it for the joy it brings. Because I’m a joyful girl. Because the world owes me nothing; we owe each other the world.” – Ani DiFranco.

I woke up Thanksgiving morning with a heavy heart. Even though I had a full day planned, with dear friends in an outrageously beautiful home up in the mountains, there was a deep loneliness in my heart.

Curious, I lay in bed and breathed into it. Not trying to make it go away, just softening, being present with myself, and allowing it to inform me. It was old, achy, familiar, and had a story attached to it about feeling like life had forgotten about me.

The thing is, that story no longer fits. Life is good. I know what I’m here to do on this planet and have the great privilege of doing it. I have a soulful, deep, and loving community. I’ve gone through great challenge and come through the other side softer and more loving, and I’m deeply connected to spirit. Still, most of my life there’s been a longing in my heart, a sense of missing out. As if the universe were holding out on me.

What a week. The Colorado floods are proof that devastation, anxiety, great love, tenderness, grief, generosity, helplessness, and grounded service all live side by side. What we think of as solid (roads, buildings, structures) is not. What we think of as ephemeral (love, care for one another, generosity), is not.