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>> Saturday, September 3, 2011

Twisty turns, mountaintop highs, and
the inevitable death drops. It's all a part of it.

This week, I was "fortunate" enough to hit every one of them.

I was so excited to get my blog up, despite the challenges.
There was quite a learning curve as I had never used Blogger before and found
myself frustrated. A lot.

“Please be sure your seat belt is firmly fastened.”

My perfectionist streak started to peep through, as I wanted
it “just right” before launching into the blogosphere. At last, it came
together after a momentary meltdown over a corrupted widget and then…

My brain cells departed.

I knew I should be working on posts. And there was plenty
going on in my head. Writing is one profession where it is completely
acceptable to admit to the voices pinging within. Every few minutes, some
random thought would invade and I’d race to record it before it deserted
me.

Occasionally I’d look at the Post-Its, discarded envelopes,
and scraps of paper that littered my house. Being a conscientious
secretary-type, I even made a folder for them.

Every now and then I’d try to decipher the scribbling. Some
still resonated as good ideas. Others meant absolutely nothing. Tidbits of greatness had morphed into gibberish.

“All loose articles must be secured.”

And there was work to contend with. Even though I’m “only a secretary,”
by the end of the day, my brain is the consistency of Cream of Wheat. I write
well when I’m slightly tired and relaxed but exhaustion is not conducive to the
flow of creative juices.

Little niggles of doubt started to invade. What had I gotten
myself into? For all my bravado, would I now crash and burn?

I started to question the wisdom of this whole endeavor and
before too long, my inner-lioness had turned into a mewling kitten, curled in the fetal position. My blog was supposed to be based on writing
without fear. And here I was giving into the very thing that I had gained
victory over. Orso I thought.

"Screaming is perfectly acceptable."

Friday night came and I lay sprawled in my easy chair. It
had been a long week and my fears had ramped up to epic proportion. Panic began
to set in. I knew I needed to get to work. Even opened a draft. Then closed it. Just wasn’t going to happen.

Ended up going to bed really early.

"Thank you for riding and we hope you enjoy your day!"

But the sun always comes up and I awoke refreshed. It’s
amazing what a good night’s rest and a long weekend will do for the attitude. I
went for a wonderful walk/run and came home raring to go, gray matter
rejuvenated.

"Welcome to the 'Fear Factor.' Just a couple of things before we take off..."