Under The Rainbow -- Black, Queer And Not in The Mood For Pride

With it being Pride month again, I always try my hardest to feel some sort of elation over what should be a happy time. A happy time to celebrate history and where we, as a community, have been and where we are going. To celebrate the different things that bind us together, and what make us different and unique in our own right. To celebrate the people who flipped cars and rioted to make our present the reality it is, because without them, we're nothing.

So, why do I feel so tired? So drained of energy and cynical about Pride Month? In the wake of rampant police brutality, the #CharlestonShooting and dozens of other anti-black incidents across America, I just don't feel it.

Call me perpetually under the rainbow, but I just can't vibe with one aspect of my existence being uplifted while another piece is reminded of its inhumanity every single day. I'm sure it's been said before by many others on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, specifically those of color. Those who constantly have to deal with being erased, ignored and killed because of living intersectional existences plagued by racism. To watch black lives across the board get plagued by so much violence, institutional and through other means, is exhausting.

It happens every time a black person is slain by the police. There are mass protests, or some form of hugely racist injustice. I always look to the popular LGBTQIA+ outlets to maybe say or post something. I always expect some type of solidarity, since it should be understood that you can be black and LGBTQIA+ too.

Black lives are as varied as they are resilient, and black folks are also a part of the community that prides itself on standing up against transphobia and homophobia. For a community and movement that was founded on the justified rage of trans women of color, it's still so amazing to see how much solidarity isn't there.

Racism is an LGBTQIA+ issue and concern, because racism affects those under the umbrella, simple as that. Racism is a civil rights issue, and people really need to start to understand that when they think it doesn't affect them.

￼So, color me under the rainbow, at least for the time being, because I simply just don't feel it. I'm probably not alone in my exasperation, but I'm just tired of being expected to celebrate Pride when there are so many efforts to erase people of color from its origins and present.

Black lives matter, black LGBTQIA+ lives matter, the lives of those who live in between the lines matter. I refuse to remain content and quiet about the silence in one of my communities, when that really should never be so. I can't focus on something like marriage, or living boldly and proudly, when I need to focus on keeping myself and those like me alive. It's just too much work.