Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Today is Valentine’s Day. It’s a day for flowers, and candy, and cards; romance and quiet dinners, and maybe a nice tot of whisky at the end of the day to put a bit of a glow on things. But when you have a sweetie who doesn’t necessarily love the same whisky that you do, the evening drink can be a time for loving compromise. You might want one thing, they might want another…but you can usually compromise on something that both of you will enjoy.

I asked some of the Whisky Advocate crew how this would play out at their homes, and gave my own likely scenario as an example.

Our Dram: Forty Creek Heart of Gold, because we discovered it together at a whisky dinner.

Sam Komlenic

My Dram: the recently reintroduced Wild Turkey Rye 101, as good as ever.

Your Dram: Maker’s Mark, because she loved the distillery tour.

Our Dram: High West Son of Bourye. Compromise: the secret to a good relationship (and a happy Valentine’s Day!).

Ian Buxton

My Dram: a nicely matured old Glenfarclas from the Family Casks series because I love the depth, the richness, the weight (and the price).

Your Dram: a Highland Park 40 year old because Orkney holds many happy memories (and because I’m buying).

Our Dram: a Glengoyne, any Glengoyne, because that’s the distillery we visited on our modest honeymoon, long before we knew the part whisky would play in both our lives! The whisky matters less than the memories for that particular dram.

Fred Minnick

My Dram: I’m planning to enjoy some 1970s-era Wild Turkey neat.

Your Dram: I’m fortunate to be married to a woman who loves, and I mean loves, bourbon. When we went to the hospital in December to deliver our first child, Jaclyn was wearing an Old Forester t-shirt. She’s keeping it light, but demands a “proper” whiskey sour, with Buffalo Trace, an egg white, and a dry shake over the rocks.

Our Dram: Booker’s, with a large ice cube. Booker’s doesn’t last long in our house.

Terry Sullivan

Valentine’s Day calls for red stuff; roses in most places, blood on the garage floor here in Chicago. So…

My Dram: the very last drops from my bottle of Macallan Gran Reserva, which I’ve been husbanding for years. It’s the reddest thing ever put in a bottle without adding chemicals. You don’t have any, of course, because you don’t husband as well as I do, so you should just get the new 1824 Ruby Macallan.

Your Dram: The Steadfast Monica will go with her usual cocktail, which is as red as South Carolina on election night. Immortalized as The Steadfast some years ago in GQ, it’s a Sazeracish take on an Old Fashioned without the fruit. Here’s how: in a rocks glass, saturate a teaspoon of bar sugar with—yes, really—12 to 15 dashes of Peychaud Bitters and dissolve with a little water. Add a couple of ice cubes and fill with bourbon (usually Evan Williams black or Wild Turkey, because the Steadfast Monica has a soft spot for both Parker Beam and Jimmy Russell) and maybe another splash of water, depending on whether it’s a school night.

Our Dram: don’t tell anyone, but since this February is so cold dogs are exploding in the streets, I plan to pour us both a couple glasses of Phil Pritchard’s cranberry rum. It’s warming and tasty, and I understand it’s quite high in antioxidants.

One of the new people following me yesterday on Twitter was someone called “ShitWhiskeyGeeksSay” (@WhiskeyGeeks). Great idea!! I checked them out and, as of this writing, they only have three Tweets:

“…it’s only 90 proof??”

“That liquor store looks really ghetto…Can we pull over and go in?”

“Happy Repeal Day”

So, let’s help them out. In the spirit of the holidays and not getting to serious here, let’s have fun with this. Surely, if anyone can come up with some “shit,” we can, right? Let me get things started.

“I know that’s what Julian Van Winkle says is in Pappy Van Winkle bourbon, but I heard from someone, who heard from someone else, who attended a bourbon tasting somewhere that Harlan Wheatley said something else is in Pappy Van Winkle. So, you call up Harlan right now and prove it!”

“Poor you. I bunkered cases of Pappy Van Winkle back in the 1990s when it was cheaper than water. Ha!”

I bought A. H. Hirsch 16 year old by the case back when Binny’s in Chicago was clearing them out for $39.99 a bottle. Now I’m flipping my spares them at Bonhams for $600 a bottle.”

“I troll the TTB’s website every day for new labels.”

“I have David Driscoll and Brett Pontoni on speed dial.”

“I flew to Heathrow, Terminal 4, just to buy the new Travel Retail-only release of Balvenie 1958 Vintage. And then I flew back home.”

“I don’t dream of Jeannie. I dream of being a Malt Maniac. And Port Ellen opening back up.”

Is that sulphur I detect in that new Arran whisky?

“I’ve created an Excel Spreadsheet with all the Arbeg bottle codes.”

Okay, that’s what I came up with in five minutes after a couple of beers. Now it’s your turn, because I need to go take pictures of all my rare whiskies and put them up on Facebook for all of you to drool over.

I was in London, in the Diageo offices on this particular morning. Diageo was introducing several new limited edition whiskies, and a handful of whisky writers were getting a preview. Among the attendees was my good friend Michael Jackson.

We sampled probably close to a dozen whiskies, with the tasting concluding around lunchtime. I hadn’t seen Michael for several months, so I suggested we have lunch together. We weren’t far away from the Fuller’s Brewery and he said he knew of a great Fuller’s pub just down from the brewery along the Thames called The Dove. It was a short stroll away, so that’s where we went.

Well, the Fuller’s Chiswick Bitter was in perfect condition, so we each had a pint before lunch. With lunch, it was a pint each of Fuller’s London Pride. Delicious!

We were finishing up our lunch, having a great time together getting caught up with stories ab0ut our travels, the whisky business, etc. Not wanting the good times to end, I proposed we each have another pint. It was about 2:oo pm, and I didn’t have any plans for the rest of the afternoon.

Michael hesitated for a moment, contemplating the whiskies we tasted in the morning, along with the the two pints of beer we enjoyed with lunch. Then he responded, with a slight grin (like he has in the picture I included of him above):

“Better make mine a half pint, John. I have a Five O’clock deadline for a story I’m doing for the Independent. It’s on vodka. I need to go back to my office, taste 20 vodkas and then write the story.”

I just cracked up laughing! I don’t know if it was exactly 20 vodkas, but it was something like that. And I (unfortunately) never did get to read the vodka story in the Independent, but I sure am glad I wasn’t the Independent’s copy editor that day.

How many of you have ever gotten “the look” from your spouse or significant other because of the amount of whiskies you purchased? And for those of you who have gotten the look, when was it and how many bottles did you have?

I have to go back a couple of decades, but I think it was around 1993 for me. And about 30 bottles. Little did my wife know at the time…

I think we could all use a good laugh right now, with all the doom and gloom going on around us.

Two weeks ago my family spent a few days in Miami warming our bones and relaxing a bit. While we were down there, the Miami Boat Show was going on. One of our friends sells boats and was down there for the show. He offered to take out in one of his company’s demo boats. It was a beautiful day, so we took him up on his offer.

While we were out on the boat, we started talking with the captain who was running the boat. Eventually he found out we publish a whisky magazine. I asked him if he drinks whisky and he nodded yes. He hesitated for a brief moment and then replied:

The last time I turned down a whisky, I didn’t understand the question.

I thought that was pretty funny. Then, later on, as we were bringing the boat back into the dock, we got to talking about whisky again, when he came up with this one:

The last time I drank whisky, I started returning things I never stole.

We liked that one too! Some famous writer or poet probably came up with these quotes. I can’t imagine they were his original sayings, but I enjoyed them nonetheless.

So, how about you? Do you have a humorous whisky quote you would like to share with us, and perhaps brighten up our day a little?

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