Thursday, July 15, 2010

The quadrennial event that captured the hearts and crotches of the world has come to an end. So, what have we learned from the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa? I’ve compiled a few universally-agreed-upon notes.

- An overwhelming majority of Americans are of Spanish ancestry, hundreds of millions more than recent census data indicated, all choosing to announce their heritage just after the final whistle blew.

- The Dutch are the pre-2004 Red Sox of soccer, having three finals appearances and zero championships.

- The Dutch are the Oakland Raiders of soccer.

- The French team made headlines early on in the tournament, and throughout the first round. Their 2010 World Cup campaign can best be summarized here.

- Our Yanks fought hard, but were undone by an African side that fought harder. That and Jozy Altidore accidentally wore Michael Johnson’s 1996 Olympic shoes.

- Spain’s Iker Casillas won the Golden Gloves award, as the best goalkeeper of the tournament, making it the second most impressive trophy he earned in South Africa.

- The “vuvuzela”, a brand-new, never-heard-before invention was criticized throughout the tournament as being far too loud and innovative for fans to endure. The horns we’ve all heard blaring in previous years’ matches were fine, but these vuvuzelas, they need to go.

And finally, below I’ve included the Official Final Rankings released by FIFA for the World Cup that was.