Florida Woman With Most Florida Name EVER Arrested for Shooting a Fucking Missile at a Car

Look at that name. Just look at it. It’s almost too good to be true. Hell, it IS too good to be true. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe a chick named CRYSTAL METH-ENEY got arrested in FLORIDA for shooting a FUCKING MISSILE into an occupied vehicle. And yet, here I am, looking at her filthy mug and reading about her ridiculous antics, which, by the way, I applaud — I’ve been saying for years this country needs more missile violence. (No, I haven’t.)

A few questions…

How did she procure a missile?

Who was she trying to obliterate with said missile?

Is this man her neighbor and also the person she was trying to MAKE DISAPPEAR?

How much crystal meth could a Crystal Meth meth, if a Crystal Meth could crystal meth?

Of all the Florida stories we’ve posted over the last few years, and we’ve posted a lot, this might be the Florida-ist. Well done, Chrystal Meth.