Quickies

When I read the headline a sort of uneasy dread passed through me. “Breaking: Gov. Schwarzenegger Signs Landmark Egg Bill” it trumpeted.

The Gov is a Republican, so what I was thinking at that moment was this: There would be an Egg Police (providing employment to many immigrants with the barest knowledge of the English language). Their job would be to stop the infuriating habit of cooking eggs sunny side up. They would knock on doors at ungodly hours in the morning. Fines for runny yolks would be enormous. They would take no guff—mostly because they wouldn’t understand it, just like security at airports.

Imagine my surprise when I actually read the article, which informed me that:

all shell (whole) eggs sold in California must come from hens who were able to stand up, lie down, turn around, and fully extend their limbs without touching one another or the sides of an enclosure.

Imagine! Chickens get to extend their limbs! And lie! (down of course).

Oddly though, the legislation doesn’t seem to extend to animals who give their personal space for things like “whites only” non-yolked awfulness in a waxed container.