June 10, 2011

Jaltcoh says: "I almost regret finding this, since I've been watching it compulsively over and over. It might not be the best song ever, but it's at least in the running."

This lushly romantic old song makes an interesting soundtrack to the news of the last couple weeks. Why didn't Anthony Weiner only have eyes for Huma Abedin? You could say that if he'd stuck to sexting — i.e., writing — he'd have saved his eyes for her. But he only started the writing when he liked the woman's photograph.

Is there really any love so fixated on one woman that the man can't even see other women? What a grand fantasy of love! I have no idea if this is the best song ever, but it is surely in the running as the song that creates the most unrealistic expectation of what love will be like.

87 comments:

At some point in the late '70's, Johnny Carson said something to the effect that it was fine with him if all the men at home assumed their wives never thought of anyone else while they were having sex. It just wasn't true, but it was fine with him.

Actually, I think it's a pretty good depiction of those very, very early days of falling in love, when you're so utterly consumed by this incredible woman that you not only don't see other women, you can hardly eat, sleep, or think. There are so many natural opiates flooding your system, the world seems transformed into Eden, and you believe that you are, too. True, that feeling may last only a few days or weeks--months at the most. But still, I remember it just the way the song depicts.

Is there really any love so fixated on one woman that the man can't even see other women? What a grand fantasy of love!

That's no fantasy - that IS love. I could've had almost any woman I wanted, after every show, but I wanted my wife.

Shit, I hardly want another woman now. Women - people - ain't all that, usually being more trouble than they're worth (which my wife definitely qualified as) but love changes that. When I see, say, all these Hollywood break-ups, etc., what I see is immaturity writ large.

Heh, I had a friend from college with whom I was briefly stationed in the Air Force in 1967 who was heavily involved with a reallyfabulous women--both looks and personality-wise--who said to me one day (motioning in several different directions)when discussing the possibility of marriage: "But if G---- is true love, what is THAT and that and that over there?" LOL

"There are so many natural opiates flooding your system, the world seems transformed into Eden, and you believe that you are, too. True, that feeling may last only a few days or weeks--months at the most. But still, I remember it just the way the song depicts."

Holding my wife's hand, seeing her across a crowded room, looking out from the stage and spotting her "thumbs up" at the audience reaction - those gave me bigger thrills, as well as a sense of contentment, than any other woman could hope to provide. Even after 20 years.

There's a distinction between love and lust. These two are often confused, and people think the emotions of desire, of taking, of ego boosting interactions, are love. Only they're not.

Lust provokes the eyes to wander. Love, true love, is more powerful than lust. Sometimes the eyes might wander even still, or start to at least, but true love for another pulls them back and away from lust's tempting thoughts.

That's at the heart of what Jesus said, I think. "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

It's not that we are called to this life of barren existence, it's that we're called to a life of real and thorough love in which our commitments to each other, our enlivening commitment to another, pushing out and away the wan draw of mere lust.

"I only have eyes for you" is, in the context of real love, both descriptive and prescriptive. Because of our love, our eyes stay with our love, a holistic expression of what otherwise would just be empty rhetoric.

Of course you won't *forget* it. But that doesn't mean you should never love again. If it was so valuable and you know so much now, why don't you have the perceptiveness to find a woman who shares your values?

So, I was in Paris at the beginning and end of last month. The first day there my wife and I went to the Eiffel tower.

It was beautiful. But, it was beautiful because I was with Amy, who is my wife and also my love of my life. It gave a texture and a context, but with her it didn't matter where I was. I loved our time in the trains, in train stations, in the plane, everywhere. But my love, my perspective, was on the being there with her.

What did my eyes long for during my three weeks traveling about Europe, so that I could possess or keep? Nothing. Because while it was all beautiful and fun, my eyes, a poetic expression of human longing, wants nothing more than her.

"Why don't you have the perceptiveness to find a woman who shares your values?"

Koyaanisqatsi. People are crazy. Call it what you want but, to me, most people haven't been raised right, they have no values, they're shallow and frankly stupid. When Oprah can have a huge following and they couldn't through Barack's bullshit, I know there's a large segment of this population that's just too ignorant for me to be bothered with.

And that's not a dig at you, Ann, but that fool's election was a test - a test on intelligence, gullibility, and maturity - and the majority failed, BIG TIME.

My wife was dumbshit, but she was my dumbshit, and I wouldn't have traded her for the world.

Like I said, the world - not just the other women in it - was within my reach. What did I need any other woman for?

That's the thing - I know it is. This idea, which a lot of people seem to hold, that we're easily replaceable cogs is gross. It's no wonder they can't do it - they really don't know what it is.

I didn't "lose" my wife, she was taken from me, by a world that told her - in every way possible - that what I represented was wrong. I liked Bush? I must be crazy and evil. I thought spirituality was bullshit? My heart is evil, and so on. They just wouldn't leave us alone, and she was too dumb and gullible not to succumb to it.

Cupid plays tricks. Men often fall for their ideal woman who in their eyes is worthy of honor and care. Sure, that doesn't make her a perfect mate, but as Crack says, imperfections are no problem ... unless she runs off chasing an unfulfilled dreams from her childhood. The morality red line can be very helpful in those cases. I think I'll get out my DVD of Dr. Zhivago and replay it.

Crack, find someone as smart as you are who shares your values. It doesn't matter that 99% of women don't fit that category. There are still millions who do.

Ann, I'm not looking. I've been broke and isolated for 6 years - my entire social circle is devastated to the point I hardly want to talk, to what were my dear friends, on Facebook. I just want to rebuild my life. I want to get back to music - that's it.

That video, by the way, is the funniest thing I've seen in a very long time.

Crack, if I were in your shoes, I'd use the incredibly powerful tool at your disposal, these interwebs, and find yourself a nice atheist/agnostic conservative/libertarian female, age 30 - ??, who enjoys the same movies and food as you. As specific as that sounds, there will be hundreds of qualifying candidates that you would never have met without online dating sites.

People our age associate online dating with skeevy losers, but I don't think it's like that anymore. There are tens of millions of women in these things.

As I said not too long ago, I've betrayed no one, killed no one, was right on almost every issue, but, somehow, I'm the one fate's chosen to "take it" from everybody. It's weirder than shit, considering I used to be the admired go-to guy for other people's problems.

Professora, there's an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer called "I Only Have Eyes For You" which uses the song as the audio key for the repeated ghostly reenactment of a 50s-era murder-suicide. It may very well be the single best episode of that show - a perfect example of its signature blend of third-wave feminism, Gothic romanticism, and horror.

I'm symphaphetic to Crack and in a similar situation. My ex and I divorced about 14 years ago. She's a psychopath who did everything she could to destroy my life. Her MMPI scores and other psychological tests support that accusation, plus she's done things like call siblings and tell them she hoped her brother died when she found out he had cancer. (He died.)

I decided to focus on my kids, ages 8, 5 and 1 at the time. Technically we're still fighting over custody although my daughter, the only one still a minor refuses to live with her mother or even spend the night at her house. My ex won't fuffill her legal obligations without a court order.

Like Titus said about cheating, courtship takes time and energy. I'm not willing to sacrifice my energy on another romance and neglect my kids. Plus, given my poor judgement in women, I don't want to risk another psycho in my life and there seem to be plenty out around.

I do socialize via school and work activities and other parent/kid stuff.

I like to think my efforts have paid off. My youngest son just graduated from high school - National Honor Society, National Art Honor Society and a football/academic scholarship to Georgetown College in Kentucky. My daughter is doing quite will in high school, 3.8 GPA and plays basketball. Last year she played in approximately 50 games. Her mother came to 1.

Crack...Maybe Ann is saying that you need to put a little work into finding a safe love. I know one young man who is waiting for an intelligent and highly educated beautiful young rich girl that comes and finds him. You may never speak to me again, but the Meyers-Briggs personality typing can be a place to start. I hear that MB was computerized into a money making dating service under the name E-harmony.

How do the lyrics to that tender country-western love song go?: "Get your legs out from underneath the table, your clothes out of the closet and your tongue outta my mouth, 'cause I'm kissin' you good-by!" LOL

"Shit, I hardly leave the house (my room) now. Naw, I'll wait. What I want has to be organic, symbiotic, and I'll know it when or if it comes."

Everyone is different, and there's something to the "go out and look," but truth be told, I stayed home, pursued my art, found what was organic, symbiotic, a commitment based on love, life, passions, art, creativity, exploration, and just a very shared way of viewing this world. We're walking down the same path as before, but our paths intersected so now we're walking together.

I say, do what you love. Do what fills your heart and soul. If you do that, you'll be happy no matter what, and if you find someone while doing that you'll find someone who loves life the way you love life.

Another example is our blog hostess. She stayed home, pursued her creativity, wasn't out looking, but someone stopped by and found her where she was at. And love blossomed.

What AprilApple said. The song captures that relatively brief phase one passes through while falling in love. Heck, a lot of songs capture that. It's a staple of songwriters. And in this phase, while you may literally "see" other women, you don't see them in the sense that they register with you as anyone you're attracted to or even care too much about, no matter how attractive you might've otherwise found them at other times of your life. The phase does pass though.

Crack @9:57 Her betrayal was devastating, and I'll never forget it.

That's exactly one big reason why I never cheated on my spouse of 37 years. I knew it would devastate her, and I didn't want to ever do anything to cause her that kind of pain.

Years ago my Gran gave me a bit of advice after a broken engagement that I have found to be absolutely true; do not expect others to fulfill your desires/needs and you will not be disappointed. Find what makes you feel whole and happy. Then everything else will fall into place in it's own time.

The song describes tunnel of love vision--obsession--which can be cool, but it's a drug. Mature love starts as a small investment--of time, some dough, some honesty, some pain. With luck, you get to know the other person well enough to decide if you want to risk more.

Here's where sex can screw things up, or not. That may be all your partner wants, but if you want more, whores are cheaper.

The decision to fully love, to marry is risky as hell. Shakespeare say it means to give and hazard all we have. I suppose that's true.

That's why cheating is so damn devastating--it's like a market crash. You find that you've been pouring your resources into a worthless asset--some might say piece of shit.

Regardless, we all demand a return on investment, and that's, of course, and individual thing. Some times you'd give everything for just one more smile, one more dance, but you've got to give to get.

I understand that you're not looking... that's actually a good place to be, if you're happy with it. For my part, I found somebody just when I had decided I wasn't going to look anymore. If something like that happens to you, then you can decide whether or not to pursue it.

But regardless... I'm sorry that life has dumped on you. You must have gotten some of the crap I deserve, because I certainly have more in life than is my due. I just hope and pray that things right themselves for you, and you can find fulfillment in whatever way you deem best.

Paddy O writes: "So, I was in Paris at the beginning and end of last month.... it was beautiful because I was with Amy, who is my wife and also my love of my life. It gave a texture and a context, but with her it didn't matter where I was. I loved our time in the trains, in train stations, in the plane, everywhere. But my love, my perspective, was on the being there with her. ..."

I identify with this because I've gone to Paris twice, both times alone, and for me, a big part of the feeling of being there was the profound absence of a partner, making everything poignantly edged with loneliness and longing. I had an artistic state of mind about that and did a lot of drawing and writing. I experienced the heightened dimensions of solitude while in this foreign place. All of the walking and the art and the architecture and the feeling of being around other people were interwoven by my feeling of aloneness. This feeling was my companion, and I considered it better than most traveling companions, because it connected me so much to everything I was seeing. I could imagine a real companion whom I would prefer, but I didn't think such a companion was available to me or would ever be available to me. I went on many trips over the years with the companion that is solitude/loneliness.

"Ann, I'm not looking. I've been broke and isolated for 6 years - my entire social circle is devastated to the point I hardly want to talk, to what were my dear friends, on Facebook. I just want to rebuild my life. I want to get back to music - that's it."

It's good that you have music to transform those painful feelings. I really do understand this feeling of embracing solitude. I did that myself for 17 years. So 6 years doesn't shock me. But on the other hand, life doesn't go on forever. I'm surprised to have found someone I can be with after all those years, but I also feel that I lost a lot, not finding love again until I was 58 years old.

This song is used brilliantly in the bar scene of the movie version of The Right Stuff. It heralds the entry of the two chicks who've already done most of the astronauts, tracks the eager faces of the guys who've already done them, then highlights John Glenn's troubled reaction to their offer. Depending on how you interpret the scene, it's either used sincerely or ironically. Either way, it's a great use of a great song.

This song is used brilliantly in the bar scene of the movie version of The Right Stuff. It heralds the entry of the two chicks who've already done most of the astronauts, tracks the eager faces of the guys who've already done them, then highlights John Glenn's troubled reaction to their offer.

Exactly. I'm John Glenn (I love that movie, btw) and I don't want that cheap shit.

Ann, believe it or not, I'm not "lonely" - not for a woman anyway. I miss my life, or even a full life. I can now count my friends on one hand. I can't go out without encountering spiritual types, or people who buy into the media's vision, etc. It's what I was saying about my wife being taken from me - this world isn't made for me. It's made for others. And I'd rather be isolated from them, than have to endure them.

BTW, did you notice the theme of Ann Coulter's new book, "Demonic"? It's about groupthink and the mob - someone might even say cultism,...

And, IF Huma is pregnant, she will need a muslim obstetrician. Because, given that her father was an Islamic scholar. And, she was brought up in Saudi Arabia. There's a good chance she was circumcised.

So, there ya go. If Huma is pregnant, Weiner's in for a shock.

Not that he hasn't seen what Hillary "enjoys."

But a relationship? Give me a break. Hillary doesn't have one, in the conventional sense, with Bill, either.

More fake relationships than the ones hollywood does in the movies. Remember Rock Hudson?

I think what mostly can cause obsession in a man is when he feels (rightly or wrongly) that something depraved is likely responsible for the relationship not working out. Losing because a loved one became affected by depravity is a losing to depravity that a guy can confuse with losing to depravity because one's self became depraved. There are all kinds of stubborn innate emotions protecting us from caving into people directly abusing us, which can get invoked somewhat insanely when someone we love has seemingly wronged us in a way that we feel likely would not have happened had she not been abused. That said, betrayal from depravity is something that can be ameliorated much more easily than believed by the many who think that if a female chooses (addicting) depravity it's because she naturally wants depraved things done to her. Quixotism isn't quite as quixotic as commonly believed.

I had no interest in other women during the 18 years we were together because none of them were even interesting in comparison to her. She was utterly brilliant.

Part of this was just that Myrna was an incredibly unique personality. Part of it was that she was incredibly beautiful and sexy.

She knew how to nurture the passion we felt for each other. She was Chinese/Filipino and she was raised within a traditional culture that reveres romance and love, and teaches women the skills necessary to maintain romance and love.

Western women simply don't know how to do this. They don't want to know either, because they have convinced themselves that to do this would be to deny their individuality.

They are wrong. But it does no good to tell them that. Feminism has made them intensely stupid in this arena of life.

Not well said, but, yeah. I was betrayed, and abused, and ripped-off, and then a lot of other people got hurt on top of it. And my nose was rubbed in it, every step of the way. (Feminism is so cool!) And, because of the cult aspect, I was forced to still care about her - she's my wife, what else could I feel? I was torn in multiple directions at the same time, and, on top of it all, few could either understand or believe me. It was simply Hell. And all from the person I loved more than myself. The person I wanted to grow old with. The person I wanted with me when I died.

I'm sure, if we had had kids, they would've had to get used to the idea my wife was more important to me than they were. Not that I wouldn't have loved my kids, but I knew what my primary love was, and it was her. ("You don't talk that way to your mother" would've held weight in my house.)

6 years on, most people who meet me and know my story say I'm incredibly well-adjusted. But I'm still different. I used to think of serial killers, etc., as weird. Now, if you mention yoga or recycling positively, or spirituality, or show an interest in "health and wellness," I'll probably try to avoid you.

And, in this cultural environment, that makes it almost impossible to thrive - or even function - especially in the workplace, where they're all trying to "go green". I just can't stand it. So I fake it. I'm like a "covert person," smiling silently at a world I don't trust and, in many cases, despise.

If a man literally only had eyes for his woman and was so disoriented by love that he was ignorant of his whereabouts, the poor woman would find their love awfully taxing. I suppose she would have to lead him about and conduct his entire life for him while he remained in his love bliss coma.

Even if his literal blindness were confined only to other women, it would be dangerous. Think of all the collisions he would have with women on the sidewalk. It would also be impossible to conduct day to day business if you were unable to perceive half of the other persons in the world. Can't perceive the existence of the waitress. Can't perceive the existence of your coworker. Can't perceive the existence of the doctor. What if you had daughters? And your poor, poor mother, what of her?

A poignant bittersweet thread. My heart goes out to Crack. And Althouse's description of her trips to Paris captures so well, so vividly, an experience I know very well-- don't think I've ever found it put into words so accurately. The heightening of experience, aloneness as the most intimate of companions, a creative/ artistic trance state, pangs of longing which sometimes feel like exultation... exquisite melancholy. Yes, exactly.

Re "love" & its absence in my life, I relate very much to Althouse of yore (pre-Meade). And in a way to Crack (especially in re his artistic passion)-- but I've never had my heart shattered to rubble like that. I do think that having experienced such profound love once-- being capable, as a human being, of such love-- means there is hope of experiencing love again (no doubt different in a lot of ways-- post-lapsarian, as it were-- but that's not necessarily a bad thing). I wish that for you, Crack, even if you don't need it.

Love that song. That vein of darkness/ eeriness in the sweetness is what makes it. Oh, and it's so nice to see other Buffyphiles here [wave].

“I Only Have Eyes for You” A beautiful song with misplaced modifiers according to, Martha Brockenbrough, the founder of SPROGG, The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar. She goes on to say, it’s when we start dressing things with modifiers that we get ourselves in to trouble. Take the song “I Only Have Eyes for You.” It’s a lovely sentiment that the Flamingos intended. But what they meant to say was “I Have Eyes for You Only.” That sentence means, I don’t want to look at anybody other than you.” As they sang it, though, the song means, I have eyeballs for you, but you can forget about chocolates, roses, and especially real estate. I’m rolling in eyes, baby. Hope that’s not grossing you out.”

Been there, done that. More than once. On the road alone can be exquisite. Not for everyone. Plus. Don't care how much you pay to immerse and meet the locals...gotta travel alone to do that.

I 'host' hiking holidays in alps in Septembers. Small groups. I have hikes of all kinds and lead one each day but encourage couples and individuals to go off on their own a day or two. Maybe it's selfish but there's no way to drink it all in if someone else wants to go slower/faster or ask you what you think about it. After 25 years, I still stop and stare...

Ann, have you ever heard the original version of IOHEFY? It was sung by Dick Powell in a mid-30s Busby Berkeley (42d Street, Golddiggers etc.) musical "Dames", and is very different, a bouncy, uptempo swing. But the Flamingoes' version reflects the meaning of the lyrics much better IMHO.