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Monday, September 1, 2014

Loving Her As God Would Want Him To

It's that moment of butterflies… you see him… he sees you. Striding toward him you feel a slight girlish nervousness take over and your heart skips a tiny beat… then he smiles and asks how you are and yet in that momentary pack of nerves there is a friendly comfortableness with him. You could quite possibly bare your soul… it's like an unspoken connection… for whatever reason you feel a pull and wonder if something… like a tiny seed could grow here… between you both… you can feel it… like something really special is possible… something longterm could possibly thrive if allowed. But you don't know if he feels the same so you hold back… you keep quiet and remain reserved in expression as you don't want to pursue something that may be merely a figment of your imagination… as doubt creeps in… and at the end of the day you don't want to foolishly believe there is interest where there isn't. So you hold back… you hold back and just observe… perfectly content with waiting to discover on a slow timetable if there truly is more to this than what you wonder.

Time goes by like the song and eventually there are subtleties that cannot be ignored… that cannot be explained away… glances and blushes that cannot be merely brushed aside… and the idea of "were just friends…" no longer applies… instead you realize that you want to get to know him better… to spend time with him… to crawl into his head and heart and learn about who he is… where he's from, what brought him to this current place in time… and where he's going… you want to share a meal of french fries and laughs…. you want to sip milkshakes and flirt like two crushes… you want to link arms, rest your head on his shoulder and walk though a garden of fragrant gardenias. You believe he wants the same. You imagine in-depth late night conversations bringing you together… frank discussions of past struggles and any fears of the future… giggles and easy laughter emitted over coffee or tea… thoughts, feelings and values verbalized. You want to hear all his stories and share yours on a blanket in the grass while watching the sun set… listening to music on a patio, sharing a slice of cherry cheesecake and a wine tinged kiss of affirmation that yes, he feels the same way as you have all along… the moment is as close to perfection if there ever was such a thing… here you are, you're ready to take the relationship to the next level…

and yet…you are so glad it stops there with that one kiss that night.Because there will be other nights…Other moments…and other kisses.

Cinderella knew when it was time to leave… to descend the stairs and depart… she knew when to walk away… to say no and not stay longer than she should… and as women we can know when to walk away as well. If a moment becomes too intimate… if it begins to move too quickly… faster than were prepared for when were dating someone… if the course and speed of intimacy is quickly becoming not in alignment with what we believe is best for the course of a relationship between us and a man, we can remind ourselves it's perfectly fine to put the brakes on… it's perfectly okay to say "Goodnight", "Wait a minute" or "We need to slow down" and walk away. It's perfectly alright to graciously and honestly tell him "I've had a lovely time but I need to get going now." It's more than acceptable to be honest with him wrapped in kindness, fetch your coat and bag and depart…

A man who truly loves you, who is pursuing you, will understand all this…

He loves her… what began as interest over time grew to care… which eventually developed into tender love… she worships and praises God and he thanks Him for letting her path meet his… he loves the way she says "awww…" in that lovely soft way to let him know she understands… he sees how strong she is… brave… and is awed by her tenacity to keep going despite life's obstacles thrown at her… she sees glimpses of how beautifully he sees her soul by the twinkle in his eyes when he smiles hello at her… he is tickled by the way she ruffles her hair and expresses her thoughts on her face when she smirks… yet he soberly knows her hurt within… and one day he wants to make sweet love to her where all her scars are and seal them up with raw kisses… he wants to gently caress her cheek with his five o'clock shadowed chin, bury his face deep in her head of brown locks, breathe in the scent of her pomegranate shampoo and huskily whisper "I love you…"

She loves him as well… he strides like he can confidently handle anything yet exudes a humbleness in character and uses discernment when it comes to life's situations… he follows through. She sees his kindness, his compassion and heart for others. She smiles with gratitude at his loyalty to her and hers towards him. She sees him as someone who stands for "it's a beautiful life" despite any hardships because like a garden of lovely roses there is so much natural beauty to be found in this world… she's appreciative of the little things in life and she finds joy in sunshine, rainy Saturdays, a warm meal and the comforts of home… she wants to be by his side, to walk in virtue, to laugh absurdity in the face alongside him, to create a beautiful abode filled with pictures and memories they have and will share… to love him, to purposefully care for him now and forever…

The greatest gift he could ever give her was loving her consistently.He wanted her to always be honest with him.He wanted her to say no if she felt it appropriate.He wanted her to stop what she didn't want going further.And if she didn't… he unabashedly would for her.He wanted her to love God more than him.He didn't want her to ever compromise her values or faith.He didn't want her to ever waver on what she believed.

That's why when the clock struck midnight… when the night came to an end… or whenever she said "I have to go…" he respected it. He listened. He didn't push or pressure. He honored her. He wanted to love her as God would want him to. He wanted to respect her as He would expect him to.

So when she whispered to him after a wine-tinged kiss and smiled "I have to go…" because she knew herself well enough to know that staying would mean temptation in going further… and she cared too much to let that happen…

1. You talk openly about issues; conversations go beyond the superficial and run deep.2. You discuss things and are able to find compromise.3. You both know loyalty is never an option but an absolute must.4. You're always truthful and never keep secrets from one another.5. You find each other physically attractive, you're mentally and emotionally compatible.6. You are best friends and lovers and you can express what you want in bed.7. You know their faults yet can accept them, as no one is perfect.8. You accept their past and show them respect.9. You listen to what they say and confirm what you're hearing.10. You encourage their own personal growth within the relationship.