UnNews:William the Conqueror children's book author sells film rights

HOLLYWOOD -- The author of a 1991 children's book about William the Conqueror that sat on the shelf of a British bookstore for 27 years before finally being bought, and thus going viral, has secured a lucrative movie deal for the belated bestseller.

"Fuck Star Wars," says Disney president Bob Iger, "This is our prestige picture AND will make us a shitload of money in 2020. More than enough money to stop Trump from getting re-elected. Oh, and don't forget that Mickey turns 90 this year. Happy birthday, Mickey. And no, we're not gonna rehire James Gunn. And there are currently no plans to release Star Wars unaltered, even though the 20th Century Fox deal allows us to do so. Any other questions?"

"I'm just glad I finally have some bloody money," says McNigel. "After 27 years, I now know that not everybody is a philistine who wouldn't know Macbeth from McDonald's."