Comedy, fairy tales come to TV

NEW YORK - Jimmy Kimmel's lacerating dissection of the industry has become an annual highlight of the week when television's biggest networks reveal programming plans to advertisers. This year he nailed the pie-eyed suspension of disbelief that characterizes each sales job.

"Remember those shows we were so excited about last fall?" Kimmel said at the ABC session. "We canceled all of them. And yet here you are again. I think you might have a gambling problem."

Big laughs, perhaps from the hint of recognition.

Of the 18 new series that debuted last fall on ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox, six survived to make this coming September's schedule - a batting average of .250. Take away the relatively stable CBS, and it's three out of 13. That doesn't even count shows that appeared in midseason and are already history, such as "The Paul Reiser Show" and Matthew Perry's "Mr. Sunshine."

And yet, the dance begins again. While the ways to experience television have changed dramatically over the past decade with DVDs, digital video recorders and Internet streaming, the brutally inefficient ways of making it have not. There's little incentive to alter things, judging by predictions for this year's "upfront," the mad scramble to spend billions of dollars on advertising for next season.

■ Sing loud: It may seem that every amateur singer who wants to jump on stage in front of cameras will be getting the chance. "American Idol" isn't going anywhere, of course, and now Fox will have Simon Cowell's "The X Factor" in the fall. Desperate for success, NBC has made "The Voice" a central building block after a couple of strong weeks.

■ Comedy: ABC's "Modern Family" breathed new life into the sitcom, and now networks consider comedy a priority. ABC is putting two comedies in a Tuesday time slot once held by a drama, and NBC is doing the same on Wednesday.

ABC's "Work It" is about two men who dress as women to get a job; it's hard to envision the idea sustaining itself for more than 20 minutes. The big joke in NBC's "Up All Night" is new parents Will Arnett and Christina Applegate learning not to swear in front of their baby. The premise and performance of Tim Allen's new "Last Man Standing" on ABC seemed tired.

■ Fairy tales: Blame it on the vampires, but the supernatural will be big on TV next season. NBC's creepy "Grimm" is inspired by Grimms' fairy tales. ABC's "Once Upon a Time" features Snow White and Prince Charming's missing daughter. The surgeon in CBS' "A Gifted Man" is haunted by the spirit of his ex-wife. Fox's "Terra Nova" imagines a family from the future sent back to prehistoric times. A man who survived an auto accident in NBC's "Awake" finds parallel realities - one where his wife is dead, the other where his son is dead. In ABC's super-creepy "The River," a family investigates the mysterious disappearance of their wildlife expert patriarch.

Hard enough to keep the real world straight.

CBS's two new dramas featuring characters with super-powers: a woman who has almost total recall of everything that's happened in her life and a man able to predict the future fates of people through their Social Security numbers. In true CBS fashion, these powers are put to use to solve gruesome crimes.

■ Retro chic:

AMC has to be flattered that both ABC and NBC have series clearly inspired by "Mad Men" that are set in the early 1960s. Both ABC's "Pan Am," featuring the defunct airline's stewardesses and pilots, and NBC's "The Playboy Club," featuring the bunnies, appear to have sleek, stylish casts and costumes. TBD: whether the stories can match up.

■ Take than!: Nothing is more fun than networks taking shots at one another, since denigrating the competition helps your own business. But CBS's corporate honcho Leslie Moonves seemed genuinely miffed hearing that both Meyer and Kimmel joked about CBS's older audience, considered less valuable by advertisers. ("CBS is No. 1," Kimmel said. "That's mainly because their viewers can't remember where they put the remote.")

Moonves noted that CBS has done better than ABC and NBC in the youthful 18-to-49-year-old demographic.

"We're a little tired of those old people jokes," he said. "They don't work anymore. And I might venture to say, we have hotter women on CBS than on any other network."