Worker:Tight-looking piece, eh?(Workers are looking up the girl's skirt for two panels while she talks to an old lady. The girl finally notices) Miriam:Hey! What's going on?Worker: Just taking a break, ma'am! These boxes are heavy. I wasn't admiring the view or nothin'! Hahaha!

— Fansadox #191, "Mad Justice"

Fan Fiction

Sawaki: (after being sucked by a girl and a transvestite) You got it wrong! Mutou-san, you got it all wrong! It's a misunderstanding! I'm completely normal! Mutou: I didn't see anything! Me, Aoi Mutou, naturally didn't see anything with these eyes! Sawaki:Don't just lie to me!

Rincewind: But there's something you must do. You know this rumor about the army of invisible vampire ghosts that's headed this way? Disembowel-Meself-Honorably Dibhala: Yes? Rincewind: The one about there being millions of them? And very hungry on account of not having eaten by the way? And made specially fierce by the Great Wizard? DMH Dibhala: Um... yes? Rincewind:Well, it'snot true. [...] So make sure you tell people there's no truth to this rumor, will you? Set their minds at rest. DMH Dibhala: Good idea. Er. These invisible vampire ghosts... Do they carry money of any sort? Rincewind: No. Because they don't exist. DMH Dibhala: Ah, yes. I forgot. Rincewind: And there are not 2,300,009 of them. DMH Dibhala: Not 2,300,009 of them... Rincewind: Absolutely not. There are not 2,300,009 of them, no matter what anyone says. Nor has the Great Wizard made them twice as big as normal. Good man. Now I'd better be off-

Moist Von Lipwig:Igor? You have an Igor?Hubert Turvy: Oh, yes. That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha! Moist: Ha ha. Hubert: Ha hah hah! Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!

I don't care if Ewald Jackson is from Adelaide, wherever that is. It doesn't impress me at all, and Bridgette's not impressed either, and she only spoke to him to be polite. Anyway, he was only congratulating her on winning first prize with her bark picture. Bark pictures aren't really art so it doesn't matter about Bridgette winning and not me because we weren't in the same category.

— Kirsty Dean, I Hate Fridays omnibus

A silly rumor, really. It has to do with viral contamination of lubricants at Bearing Works Twenty-three. Ah, excuse me — I mean with the noncontamination of lubricants at... Never mind. It is totally without foundation, the Health Center informs us. And there is no cause for alarm. It is absolutely not true that it causes impotency among males— Correction. There is no contamination — but if there were, it would not affect the potency of males.

"Good afternoon. This is your captain speaking. Just to say there is absolutely nothing to worry about." "Hello. Captain Crieff here again. Still no need to panic. I repeat, there is no need to panic." "Or to look out of the windows."

"Good evening, everybody. We are the Umbilical Brothers, and not superintelligent alien dinosaurs. We do not intend to replace the Umbilical Brothers using their own DNA. We do not intend to replace the front row of the audience using the Umbilical Brothers' DNA." "Yes, we do." "No, we don't. Shh!"

Jedi Exile: Are you responsible for this? HK-50:Defensive Answer: Master, I am a protocol droid, not a well-crafted assassination droid of unrivaled sophistication. To have carried out the actions that took place here would have required an unusual set of skills. It is highly unlikely I possess the knowledge of how to reprogram the memory cores of base-worker class droids into killing machines, let alone to terminate the organics at this facility, utilizing only Aratech 500 series laser mining drills and explosives fashioned from proton missile cores!

Dr. Eggman: This amusement park was constructed entirely out of a sense of remorse for my past transgressions, and is in no way associated with any sort of evil plot or premeditated misdeeds. Sonic:Well,that'sa relief.

Anise: Huh? It's a rappig doll... Tear: Ah, n-no! You got it wrong! I just found it in a shop at Belkend. It's not like I thought it was cute or anything. Yeah, I just... ehm... that is... Anise, don't tell anyone, okay?

Ki: It's not caffeine, not sugar... not time for Star WarsEpisode II yet... doesn't look like "Mr. Colon" is acting up again... could be job anxiety... Nick: Nope! No job anxiety here! Didn't get an impossible-to-turn-down dream job, nosiree! Not me! Ki: Bingo.

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