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I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for someone on Covert Affairs to bump off Belenko. If he is six feet under, this hunting down and killing of Auggie’s former unit will finally come to an end and we can all go back to watching McQuaid ruggedly brood from our flat screens. Am I right?

From this poll, it would appear that the majority of you probably loved this Auggie-centric episode. I understand the attraction, but I’m just not that invested in his storyline as I have been in the past. With that said, I will power through and do my best to provide facts, revelations, and any juicy details. On with the recap!

Annie and McQuaid drive toward the Chechnya border. Annie is irritated that she had Belenko, lost him, and now Auggie could be dead. Though the moment is somber, her darling bracelet cheers me up. Just because you are on a reconnaissance mission doesn’t mean you can’t look cute. She cocks her gun. McQuaid finds this hot. Team McAnnie.

As Auggie dangles from a hook in an abandoned warehouse, Belenko begins his interrogation. He’s looking for information about a man Auggie knew in 2005. Auggie laughs, ribbing Belenko that he will have to be more specific. When Auggie hears the name James Deckert, his face briefly falls.

FIRST FLASHBACK
Auggie meets Deckert in a market. Deckert has infiltrated the enemy camp, posing as a Chechen. His goal is to convince the crazy group leader to exchange Mueller (remember him?) with a prisoner named Mikhail.

In the present day, Auggie lies, claiming that he’s never heard of Deckert. Belenko sighs as his thugs shove Auggie in a box to help him remember.

When McQuaid’s contact doesn’t show up to help them at the border, they adopt British accents and manage to get across when Annie bribes the patrol officers with a dozen cell phones. McQuaid finds this hot. Sadly, there’s no time for them to make out. The arrive at Omar’s safe house. His entire body shakes when he answers the door. He apologizes for missing the meet, but he does have news. Auggie is probably dead. Then he asks them to leave.

That’s when Annie shoots him in the leg. McQuaid found this hot, but a bit unnecessary.

Omar figuratively spills his guts while literally spilling his blood. He gives Annie the address of the apartment building. Annie calls Joan. Joan tells the extraction team. There’s one tiny problem. They won’t go into Russian airspace unless they know for sure Auggie is there. This disclosure causes Joan to simmer.

Speaking of simmering, Auggie isn’t doing so hot. He’s out of the box and back on the hook. He adopts a new tactic. Play along.

Auggie: Deckert is dead.

SECOND FLASHBACK
Deckert is at the prisoner exchange undercover as a Chechen. The Chechen leader freaks out and lunges with his gun. Auggie loses control of the situation. Everyone shoots anything that moves. The prisoner, Mikhail, and one of their American teammates die, along with all the Chechens.

Belenko isn’t buying it.

Belenko: You received SERE training, so you can withstand torture. But can you listen to someone else get tortured?

Oh, no! Not McAnnie! What if they ruin her expensive shoes or cut McQuaid’s face? Yes scars are manly, but I’m not sure I can take this. Belenko’s boys drag a brunette woman into the room.

Auggie: Natasha?Lincee: Who?

At first I thought it was Sydney. But we know now that she’s back in America being attacked by the crazy dog walker! Why is it so hard for me to remember Natasha? You may recall that she’s the hacker “girlfriend” from earlier this season. Now she’s hanging from a hook, her feet in a puddle of water, staring at Belenko sparking the electricity from a pair of jumper cables.

THIRD FLASHBACK
During the prisoner exchange, Mikhail manages to not get shot. He grabs a dead guy’s gun and aims for Auggie. Deckert shoots him without hesitation. There’s no way he can go back to the Chechens now. PS: He doesn’t want to. Deckert chooses ghost protocol. Auggie helps him escape, and promises to tell everyone he disappeared without a trace.

Auggie snaps back to reality and asks if this is a personal vendetta. Belenko explodes. He knew Mikhail. And I bet you can guess exactly how they knew each other. Cue the Sister Sledge track. Belenko vows to avenge his brother’s death and leaves in a huff.

Auggie moves fast. He deduces that if he can just get his feet up to the hook, he can slip off his chains. He uses his abs of steel to do just that—and I realize that this entire torture scene would have been way more exciting had Auggie been shirtless. Major party foul, Covert Affairs.

Meanwhile, Annie and McQuaid are right outside. She is impatient and decides to save Auggie herself. Belenko arrives and just as Annie is about to pull her trigger, he shows her a dead-man switch. If he drops it, the entire building will go up in flames. They banter back and forth a bit and then he tosses the switch in her direction. BOOM.

Everything unravels in slow motion. McQuaid runs up and hugs Annie among the rubble. She limps toward the building yelling Auggie’s name. It sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher. We see the figures of Auggie and Natasha in the background. Annie run/limps to Auggie and slams into his beaten and bruised body. It’s a slo-mo celebration full of tears and feels.

Belenko is gunning for Deckert. Auggie has to get to him first. Deckert once saved Auggie’s life. Now it’s Auggie’s turn to save his. Will he get there in time?

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons