I was a late bloomer to sex. I never explored down there until I got a vibrator randomly in college. The second time I used the vibrator I achieved orgasm. For a year or so, I continued to use the vibrator, each time having extremely intense full body orgasms-- cold feet followed by waves of warmth, many contractions. I felt like I knew my body like clockwork. I'm not sure what happened, but over the course of the following year my orgasms got shallower and shallower until I barely noticed them. (No, I was not on any medications that might have affected this.) . I'm not even sure if they were orgasms or just little waves of pleasure before orgasm.

I am a 25 year old female, and my problem is I can't climax. Well I can but only with vibrators, never on my own with my fingers or while having intercourse. When my partner performs oral sex, it doesn't feel good, or bad i can just feel it. The same thing is true with my clitoris, when I touch it it's not sensitive.

It does not feel good or bad, but I feel it. I started masterbating at about 13 years old with shower heads and that went on for a few years, that might be the reason why my clitoris isn't as responsive.

“Dr. Betty, in the book The Multi-orgasmic Woman, it says that the use of a vibrator can desensitize the clitoris so that it might become harder for some women to achieve orgasm by touch or oral. What do you think? It's curious because on that same page, they recommend your book Sex for One which I've underlined for 4 years, but only just found your website recently.”

In my professional opinion, "desensitize" is the wrong word. A more accurate statement would be: “A vibrator used correctly will sensitize a clitoris.”

I have never experienced an orgasm during sex, or through masturbation using only my hand. However, I have had tonsss of orgasms using a vibrator on my clitoris for a long time...since age 9 probably. So this served as my first and only orgasm experience...

I'm 20 now, and I have never been able to reach orgasm without it....what can I do?

I've been with my husband for almost 4 years now, and I started using a vibrator for a little extra fun. After a week of using it during sex I have been unable to have sex without it because it causes me to be in pain and the vibrator takes the pain away. I don't know if it's must mental or physical, but I would really like to be able to have an intimate moment with my husband without using it. We are both getting quite frustrated with it.

I'm from Germany, I stumpled upon Your webpage some time ago and I liked it very much especially for my further sexual education and understanding of the sexuality of women. Finally I decided to write you some of my questions in hope of Your answer (though You probably have questions/problems more dire to attend to) - well here it is.

My girlfriend never practiced masturbation and self-touching or even examining of her genitals in her childhood and as a teenager (the old "parent-this-is-forbidden-and-girls-dont-have-nothing-down-there-thing").

I love your website and have been a huge fan of yours ever since reading your forward in Cunt. I'm a senior in high school and feel really fortunate to have resources like your website to educate my friends and me about our bodies, orgasms, masturbation etc.

I got a vibrator and love it, I was trying to convince my friend to buy one too, just a little pocket one like mine but she thinks it will cause "desensitization". Is this a real thing? should I be concerned for my clitty? If this is not an issue what should i tell my friend about her fear?

First, thank you so much for you work! You helped me finally accept myself as a sexual being. You're a great example of how beautiful women are when they're strong and sexually empowered. When I grow up, I want to be just like you two! ;-)

I'm a 30 years old french woman (I apologize in advance if my english is not perfect). Orgasm during partnersex has always been difficult for me - for some reason I always stayed at the edge. I only discovered it last year, during a trip to Amsterdam : I had some of that "special cake" they make there and my new and hot boyfriend was giving me a cunnilingus. I discovered that there was another "special effect" to the "special cake"!

I am 29 and I just learned how to have an orgasm a few months ago. I used a vibrator to reach it, and more recently I've learned to orgasm with my showerhead. I've never been able to orgasm without mechanical help. I've been open with my husband - first about my lack of orgasm (something he hadn't known) and about my success with a vibrator. He welcomes the vibrator into the bedroom, which is great, but I always feel a little guilty when I need to go that route after we have sex.

I'm 50, 2nd marriage and love your book Orgasms for Two. I've have read it a few times, as has my husband. When I first read it it felt like you'd written the book for us! We both enjoy mutual masturbation, in fact we do that more often than penetration. My question is, or really asking your opinion, do you think it's possible to get addicted to using a vibrator, and if so is it wrong to depend on a machine to give you the best orgasms?