This set of dumb tables lets you create a random one-shot game using characters from pop culture. It’s sort of like The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, only with much dumber source material (we call the 80s TV version we run at cons “The League of Kick-Ass Dudes”). For these tables, I’m going to use the Five-Man Band team structure (see TV Tropes for more information) and add a Sixth Ranger (who may be a mentor, a zeppo, or whatever) just for shits and gigles. I’ll also give you a villain, but figuring out the plot and how the team ended up together is up to the GM.

The Leader

For purposes of these tables, we’re going to assume that the Leader is Murtaugh and The Lancer is Riggs. If the combination you roll up seems like it would work better with the roles reversed, by all means make the Lancer the Leader and the Leader the Lancer.

Mark Wahlberg character of your choice

Somerset O’Neil

Ron Swanson

Marge Gunderson

Ethan Hunt

Roger Murtaugh

Veronica Mars

Dominic Toretto

Seth Gecko

Sarah Connor

Darius Stone

Nathan Ford

Agent Dana Scully

Winston Wolfe

John Winchester

John “Hannibal” Smith

Lieutenant Abbie Mills

Agent Dale Cooper

Luz/She

Robert Redford character of your choice

The Lancer

Nicholas Cage character of your choice

Raven McCoy

Bo Duke

Veronica Sawyer

Agent J

Jack Burton

Dylan Sanders

Vincent Vega

Peter Venkman

Sam Axe

Richard Castle

Foxy Brown

Nick Sax

Jessica Jones

Walter Sobchak

Mr. Furious

Cherry Darling

Inspector Tequila Yuen

Chev Chelios

Bruce Willis character of your choice

The Smart Guy

Seth Green character of your choice

The Black Fox

Velma Dinkley

Abed Nadir

Ferris Bueller

Martin Byrde

Doc Brown

Buckaroo Banzai

Ravi Chakrabarti

Gregory House

Peter Bishop

Willow Rosenberg

Colin “Chaos” Mason

Gil Grissom

Angus MacGyver

Felicity Smoak

Q (Bond, not Star Trek)

Temperance Brennan

Alan Fucking Moore

Harrison Wells of your choice

The Big Guy

Instead of a literal big guy, we’re going to use this role for the team combat monster. He or she may or may not be technically big or even a guy.

Chuck Norris character of your choice

The Japanese Fox

Arnold Schwarzenegger character of your choice

Marv

Major Lillywhite

Dean Winchester

Tura Satana

Max Guevera

Bullet-Tooth Tony

Melinda May

Elliot Spencer

Lincoln Hawk

Sex Machine

Alice

The Bride

Buffy Summers

Machete

Chow Yun-Fat character of your choice

Jackie Chan character of your choice

The Rock character of your choice

The Chick

Since The Chick’s main characteristic is often the actress playing the role, we’re just going to list some action/sf/horror/whatever actresses here.