User:BlueYonder/HowTo:Make a weird surrealist movie

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So, you've decided on a career in film-making. You've spent a happy five years in film school-ignoring, of course, the blatherings of those ignorant philistines who insist that you just can't use a camera, that your dialogue is cheesier than your weird uncle's fetishes, and that it's just plain weird what you make your best friend's eight-year-old sister do in every one of your films.

I'm not kidding. Seriously, I don't care how much those other loonies have 'inspired' you, any attempt to pay 'homage' to them in your rubbish will end up a collection of completely unveiled rip-offs that don't work in any good way because you were clueless as to how to implement them properly. So, in other words, don't film a scene wherein a creepy legless guy slices his own eyeball out against an industrial background. You're not paying simultaneous homage to Alejandro Jodorowsky, Luis Bunel and David Lynch by doing that; you're being a half-wit who thinks he can do stuff.