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To kill or not…

I was asked something yesterday that, because of WHO asked me, shook me to the core. I was asked why I didn’t just kill my husband.

This question didn’t even phase me at first because I thought he was joking but then I looked into his eyes and I knew he wasn’t. I laughed a little and admitted it HAD crossed my mind a few times.

He started going on about the reasons he thought I should, like the financial. That was the main one. He went on about how he had given my husband a lot of money and how he was supposed to pay him back and that if it was up to him, I’d be a widow by now. How, after my settlement and finding out my husband spent 15K on Thomas the Train shit for the baby, he’d have murdered him without a thought.

I admitted that was one time I thought about it. He had used the money that was SUPPOSED to go to fix my teeth to buy TOYS for crying out loud! And the toys weren’t even used but a few weeks… Ten years later and my teeth STILL aren’t fixed.

My friend doesn’t know half of it. He doesn’t know about the verbal onslaughts every day, the intermittent violence, how we walk on eggshells every day.. And that the thought has crossed my mind more often than not lately..

I think, the only reason I don’t is that I’d get caught and go to prison for the rest of my life. Then who would take care of my babies?