26 December 2005

My heart is heavy for my client who just called because she needed to talk. See she just broke up with her fiancee. Her heart is shattered. She hurts so bad and yet all family she's got are a thousand mile from home. All the consolation she's got is on mail. I pray for strength to move on. Your consolation and reassurance that it will be ok. You love and that you would hold her please and piece back her heart. Give her a shoulder to cry on. To you my dear you are in my prayers and no sweetie it's not your fault.Just talk t GOd he is as always the Bestest

8 December 2005

I have been thinking of you, the times we spent together, habits formed. I still find myself waiting for that call or SMS good morning,how u doing,goodnight, i love you.How we shared each moment and event.I recall the fights, then from breakups to makeups.My love, my story, each chapter co-authored side by side, the good the bad and the ugly.My heart , why do you weep so?Tis true that weeping soothes the soul; but i dont want to be soothed all i want is my love my friend back, take things back to the way we used to be. Please dont say you are sorry.Let me grow numb with the pain of reality .Let me mourn for the loss of a part of me.Let me question and doubt if i will ever find another like you.Let me rethink of every action and word uttered, should i have done it differently?Let mine eyes refuse to shut and thoughts of you haunt me by day and night.Let my shattered heart console herself.Let food nor drink touch these lips.Let me be sad, hide from the light of day.Let me curse cupid and place all blame on him.Let me wonder how i didn't see this coming.Let me be till i can find the pieces of this shattered heart.Let me cry till there are no more tears.Let me have my ice cream, my chocolate,my vodka, my comfort foods.Let me have my love stories to watch and inspire more tears.Let the sight of couples holding hands in town being tears to my eyes.Let me be alone, wallowing in a sea of pity.Let me question what he/she has better than i.Let me ask without answers, why me? Let my dream of us , two children,X5 and mansion in kitisuru shatterLet me be sulky,moody,bitchy,irritant,let me be i deserve to beLet me swear to never again fall this hard Let me have all those questions for which i have no answers and explanationLet me tell my story over and over again though i just finished telling itLet me have no words suffice to tell the loss, the pain and hurt inside...When all is said and done...Let me rise again strong, scarred and dare to love and trust again, ever so deeply and selflessly with the hope that this time we live happily ever after.

4 December 2005

Do you feel at times like you are under construction? Get to that point where you feel like your life is being renovated? Lately, that's whati have been feeling. I have alot of things goingon inmylife right now. Iam at that poing where am letting go of alot of unstatisfactory and superficial relationships. The kind that i have put up with for fear of hurting other people. Iam that point where am redifinig myself.Who am i, what do i want out of life and why, what do i treasure, what are my successes and failures,where have i been, where am i now and where am i headed and what am i doing towards getting there?This comes with close scrutiny, planning,setting and reviewing goals that i have set.It also come with reviewing my successes and failures, standards and expectations, gauging and reviewing my life. Looking and trying to understand the lessons i have learnt over time. Reviewing and establishing boundaries, setting and laying groung rules as they say rules help in order, a few dos and dont's for me as well as for others. Realizing how far i can go,when to stay and fight and when to walk away.Reexamining my spiritual life with regrds to God and church, my participation and roles both play in my life. My physical which has prompted me to start eating healthy and start jogging.My social life, the relationships with family,friends. Especially friends since some friends are for a reason, others a season and others a lifetime now am working on the classification. My emotional and psychological, sorting out all the past hurts, losses, breakups and all other drama that i have at times chosen to ignore hoping that it wil sort itself out, or go away or time will heal. Financially, have gotten a better job thank God , quit dependig on others, investing among other things. Intellectually looking forward to improve self, forever a student, take some language classes, my masters next year and God willing call me Dr. Gishungwa by 30 i believe. Having moved out to live alone after living with friends for a long time truly alot of work, gets lonely at times but am blessed with a good friends.See all this started with the looming of my birthday, the joys yet the au contraire to popular belief is the realization that i wont be 18 till i die, then again guess its the winds of change.They say change is as good as rest . With the under construction sign up, my protective gear on am off to embark on this daunting yet necessary task. most grateful that i've got the greatest of all contractors on site... The Almighty God and creator.