Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Last Saturday was my son’s 18th birthday. And at 12:01 a.m., he gave himself a gift…one of which that I have to admit, I wasn’t all too thrilled about. Now, you have to know, he’s my baby . . . all 200 pound of his six feet two inches, even down to his size-13 men’s shoe. So yeah, I know he’s not really a baby. He’s eighteen, a big boy.

A big boy when it comes to size, but not so big when it comes to needles. Seriously, I was holding his hand just a few months ago when he got a tetanus shot. “Is this going to hurt?” he asked me. “I hate shots, mama,” he said and blinked his scared, big brown eyes at me. It didn’t matter that he was big, my maternal instinct took hold and I squeezed his hand and wished I could take the shot for him. Yep, he hates needles. Which is why, I was just a bit surprised that he got a tattoo.

Now, he told me he wanted one. He’s been telling me he wanted one for years and I simple rolled my eyes and said, “Not until you’re eighteen, buster.”

Who knew eighteen would come around so soon? Who knew I wouldn’t be any more prepared to see my baby get a piece of art permanently placed on his body? Who knew that at eighteen, he’d still think it was a good idea? Not me. If I had, I would have said, “Not until your sixty, buster!”

And when he told me he was going to get one a few days before his birthday, I just laughed. I reminded him that getting a tattoo could be very painful, (yeah, I might have exaggerated a bit) that sharp needles were involved, and that it could kill him…hepatitis C, and all, and then I blew the whole idea off. Hey…mama wasn’t there to hold his hand…no way would he go through with it, right?

Wrong.

Now, it’s not that I’m anti-tattoo, but this is my baby. I can close my eyes and still see him running naked as a jay bird across the bedroom, laughing as I chased him down to put a diaper on him I can see every inch of his little, squirming body, every bit of sweet-smelling baby-powdered skin, unmarked, un-inked, and oh so perfect.

Just this morning, he was walking from the shower without a shirt. I couldn’t help but stare at his forearm with an eagle, part of a flag, and the word “Freedom” written underneath. Oh, he’d already shown it to me, and it’s not hideous or anything, and a T-shirt will cover it up, but seeing it unexpectedly for the first time took me by surprise.

I realize that part of my dislike of the piece of body art is that I had to come face to face with the realization that my baby was really on the threshold of becoming a man. (Not man enough to get a tetanus shot, mind you, but man enough to get a tattoo.) And right then, he even looked like a man, tall, strong, his tattoo accentuating his bicep muscles, and a certain “I’m eighteen” gleam in his eyes.

As I walked away a bit disgruntled, I remembered what my mother told me when I first asked to get my ears pierced. “If God wanted you to wear pierced earrings you would have been born with holes in your ears.”

My answer back was, “Mom, that argument doesn’t hold water, because I could say that if God wanted me to wear clothes, I wouldn’t have been born naked.”

Mom was so over protective, so ol’ fashioned. But of course, this whole tattoo thing is different. Completely, different. Right?

Okay…dang it, maybe it’s not so different. But don’t you think if that he had to get a tattoo, he could have at least had the words, “I love my mama,” put on his arm?

So…here’s my question to you. How do you guys feel about tattoos? Any of my readers have tattoos? Do you like them on your men? Any parenting advice for a mama who’s having a hard time letting go of her baby?

Four of my five children have at least one tatto. I can tell you, it doesn't get easier. But when it was my baby--and she was sneaky, having it doen while she was still in high school!--it was far worse. What I always told my children I had against tatoos was they were messing with my handiwork. I created them(okay, maybe their dad had a small part)fretting all nine months(sometimes ten, but that's another story)about their condition. I checked them top to bottom after their birth, pleased with the expanse of perfect baby skin. Then they went and screwed with it by getting a tatoo!

Hi Christie,Both of my son's have tattoos and more than one. One is 23 the other 24. The oldest onegot his while in the Navy.My youngest had his done about age 18, too.My personal opinion is I don't like them for ME. And I didn't like it when they did had them done. Now, what bothers me is my youngest son getting MORE.But I wonder since our culture doesn't have much in the way of a ritual for boy to manhood, maybe the tats are being used that way by some of our kids.

My DAUGHTER wants a tattoo. I said not until she's 18. She's going to be 14 on Saturday. I'm not looking forward to it, no matter how tasteful it is, but I think I can handle it because she does have good taste (she wants a small Celtic cross on her shoulder. I won't be happy, but I can live with it. It's the belly button ring I'm having panic attacks about.

Hi, Tatoos- thankfully none of my children have them, but there was an almost. However, I have a daughter in law that has a very discreet flower. Family members aside, I have seen several young and old women with tatoos, some cover their bodies and I wonder why? Then I remember a young girl who told me it was an expression of art and her body was the canvass. I said okay, but I still wonder- as the body ages, and items drop (especially on women) what those works of art will look like. Will the rose become really looong stemmed? How will those little works of art really look elongated? The mind boggles at the possibilites. Will the eagle still soar, or will he look like he is taking a dive?Ruth

Ah...tattooes. I've never seen the appeal myself but I know a lot of people feel differently and good for them. For me, it's their permanence that scares me a little. (Okay, the needles, too.) I mean, I don't keep the same hairstyle for more than a year or so, I don't like the same jewelry or clothes I did 10, 20 years ago, either. So who's to say that I'd like the same tattoo five or ten years in the future? It's not like I can shove the tattoos into the back of the closet or anything. LOL.

I'm going to confess what a chicken I am here. I've wanted a tattoo since I was fourteen... but have yet to get one. And I'm not even scared of needles! It's the idea that this will be on me FOREVER, so I better be darn sure I like the design first. Yeah, I’m a total commitment phobe. No wonder I’m still single…

Allison - the celtic cross sounds pretty! Not that it wouldn't still freak me out, but at least it's not a devil skull!

I live in what's supposed to be the "conservative" South, but I've come to the conclusion that just about everyone -- male and female -- over the age of 18 has at least one tattoo these days.

My son was older than yours, Christie, when he got his first tattoo, after a divorce. Thinking Hell's Angels, I wasn't pleased, but he was, after all, an adult and a father. (Heck, I jumped out of a plane after my divorce, so I guess a tattoo is more low-key than that!) He now has two more, each signifying some important event in his life. Which, I suppose, is a kind of cool way of carrying those memories around with him.

One thing that I did learn in researching my High Risk books -- the Marines have now banned any tattoos that show above a T-shirt collar or below a short sleeve and recruiters are actually getting out rulers and checking and a LOT of potential recruits are being rejected. Some are going so far as to go out and get their tattoos lasered off -- which is both painful and expensive -- so they can enlist.

Hi Christi,My son got a tattoo without my knowledge or permission when he was 16. The fact that he was 6'4" and built like a truck could have convinced the tattoo artist that he was older. I remember the roiling in my stomach when I was proudly shown the dragon tattoo decorating his left calf from knee to ankle. This was the same dragon he designed and painted on his skateboard. But I was cool. What's done is done right? I do remember thinking that he'd damaged the perfect skin I'd given him and that I was left with stretch marks. How unfair is that?The fact that I did not go completely ballistic had its repercussions. My daughter, his older sister, immediately ran out and got a "tasteful" tattoo of her birthsign at the nape of her neck, folllowed by a lovely fairy on the back of her shoulder, a design from dimple to dimple on her behind, a bracelet, an anklet and those are just the ones I know about. You may ask if I have personally spawned a biker gang and the answer is no. My daughter is a happily married stay at home mom and my son, also happily married, is employed in IT for a big communications company in NY. My daughter and son are both productive members of society. . .Make that highly decorated productive members of society. ~June

Take my advice, start telling her, "Not until you're sixty." You are going to blink and her eighteenth birthday will be here. And I agree 100%, a nice tattoo is one thing...a belly ring would have me cringing a bit.

That's so true. We always think we know who we are and that things will never change and then we do. And let's not talk about tossing things in the back of the closet. Yikes, I still need to clean mine out. Hey...there is probably everything in there except a tattoo.

LOL. However, I have to agree, I have to love something to commit. I took six months to pick out a picture to hang over my sofa...and I know I can change that. A tattoo is forever and I'd be scared I'd grow to hate it.

Hey...hang in there. And keep us updated on your search for Mr. Right. Hmm...will he have a tattoo?

Love tattoos, and love them on men. It's my thing. I don't know why. Gary Allen (the country music guy) has tattoos...and he looks plain hot.

I suppose it depends on the guy and the tattoo. I'm on wild about guys who tattoo REBEL flags on themselves, even if I am a proud Southerner. For some reason, it just seems a tag too rednecky for me. (Just a personal preference. I don't have a problem with the big old truck.)

I want a tattoo. Small though. Pirate flag--probably on my bum--since it would never see the light of the sun and thereby last forever. *LOL*

My parents said the same thing about earrings! I never thought about the born naked thing. That would have been good. I got them anyway, but I was 19 and in college at the time. Then I wore huge hoop earrings and drove them crazy.

LOL...I love tattoos and wanted one before they were popular, but never "got around to it." Our daughter has one on her shoulder done by a street artist in Germany, and the entire story about how it happened is worth the fact my baby girl has a tat. Her husband had one done eight years ago while on their honeymoon in Rarotonga that incorporates Sarah's design, and it's beautiful. Son doesn't have one but his wife has a beautiful floral design across her lower back, which she said hurt so bad she almost ended up with half a tattoo! I think they're a marvelous form of self-expression when done "tastefully." Tats that become the first and only thing you see when you talk to a person are a bit overmuch. I once saw a gorgeous multi-hued dragon on the back and shoulder of an elderly white-haired woman. It was so attractive I commented on it while we stood in line at the bookstore. She said it was her 80th birthday present to herself. Maybe when I'm 80...

I agree with the person that said they'd never understood the appeal of a tattoo. But I guess you got to let them "express" themselves. In the big picture you have to consider the choices they make and body art is pretty tame, considering what other "options" are available to them.

Oh, and my niece did a very similar thing to my sister. On her eighteenth birthday she went out and got her tongue pierced. Didn't say anything beforehand and came home with it.

My daughter did this some months ago and we simply don't talk about it. She knew I didn't want her to do it and always said she would when she turned eighteen. Well, she didn't do it for months and I thought she forgot. No such luck. I remind myself that she works, goes to school full-time, has a great boyfriend and wonderful friends so I am thankful for it all.

A tattoo at eighty? WOW! Well that takes the saying..."When I get old I'll wear purple," a bit further, doesn't it? But hey...if she wanted it, more power to her!

And I agree, tattoos are fine, but they shouldn't be overpowering. I guess it's sort of like makeup. We wear it to look better, but when you see someone so overly done that all you see when you look at the person is the bright purple or black eye makeup, then it's no longer a good thing.

I don't quite get why someone have most of their bodies tattooed. You have to know they get treated differently. But then again, maybe that is their goal...to really stand out as a individualist. I'm not going to judge them. I guess they just dance to a different drummer.

And I can tell you, my son really is good boy. I've never had the serious type of problems with him that so many parents have with their teens. I really count my blessings.

So a tattoo isn't a sign that one is a bad seed. I think his choice to get it was more about his turning eighteen and wanting to prove he was a man. Hmm...didn't we all think we were grown up at eighteen?

Oh...and Lucy...the whole tongue piercing thing...Yikes. Your poor sister! That said, I know several of my daughter's friends who got the tongue pierced and they were great kids. Still...that had to hurt!!

I had an uncle who one and his still looked okay when he was in his sixties. And I've seen a few on people that I actually considered pretty. But I'm with everyone who is afraid of commiting to something for a lifetime.

Now, I don't mind tattoes as long as they're tasteful, I don't think I would ever get one although I'm far from being afraid of needles like him. And his tattoo sounds nice, and his bicep muscle too..erm sorry, couldn't help myself. *g*

I don't personally care for them. I just figure what you like as a young person you just may detest as you get older. I have two girls that have been saying for years they were going to get them. I gave the "not til your out of my house" and one is now on her own and hasn't got it yet but still talks about it. When she graduated high school she did the trip with her girl friends to the beach. Calls me up and says she got a tatoo. I had a real fit. Was telling my mom and relatives what she did. Then she comes home and I find out it was one of those temporary tatoos! I was greatly relieved but found out my younger daughter knew it all along lol. Anyway I still keep hoping they won't but I know I have no control anymore. I do think it's one of the things kids do to kind of rebel and prove they are in control of themselves.

tattoos, yeah its funny how i have never wanted one but do like how they look on other people. We were raise to think like your mom said if God didnt give it to you you dont need it. Funny how those same people get perms in their hair and wear finger nail polish and make up. I mean i know a tattoo is more of a forever thing than curling your hair but that answer about if God had wanted you to, always didnt get my mom very far with me. In October the local tattoo parlor was donating money to the Breast Cancer Society if anyone got a tattoo in Oct. a lady who is a breast cancer survivor chose to go and get a pink ribbon with a cross tattooed on her index finger. funny part of it all is her husband is a minister. She was told buy someone on a forum who didnt know who they were talking to if got wanted you to have a tattoo you would have been born with one.

Life has changed alot , im seeing people of all walks of life and ages getting tattoos.

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