Many fans have difficulty coming to terms with their team losing a big game, especially when the loss is due in large part to their most celebrated player failing when it counted most. This is no more true for Fat Hump Colts fans than it is anyone else. Still, in the aftermath of the Super Bowl we shared a hearty laugh at things like this Bleacher Report dreck from a Colts tard alleging that the Super Bowl was fixed. Whatever, though. Emotions were running high and, besides, Bleacher Report is where idiocy goes to wave its warped genitalia in the face of logic.

HOWEVAH, here we are, three weeks later. The Fat Humps have had time to lick their wounds and console themselves on pizza cones and breaded tenderloin. Yet it turns out a sizable contingent of them still believe that Peyton Manning lost the Super Bowl on purpose. SAY IT AIN’T SO, PEY-PEY!

“I honestly think Peyton Manning gave them the game. He gave them the game,” said John Fraction, 40, an Indianapolis native, swinging his fists at nothing but air after he took a break from serving tables at a downtown sports bar. He spent the Super Bowl rubbing his lucky horseshoes that he swears helped the Colts win their first and only world championship for Indianapolis in 2007.

Obviously we’re dealing with a man of reason.

This time, when the horseshoes became just a bunch of rusty iron in Fraction’s world after the Colts botched a 10-0 lead, he recalled how he wiped tears from his cheeks, and then said softly to himself, “There it is.”

That’s almost poetic in its sheer meaninglessness.

Added Fraction, “I’m speaking for myself. You know? There’s that dilemma that this guy faced, because Peyton Manning is an outstanding quarterback. It just seemed like a battle between pride and greed. Peyton Manning wanted to win a second Super Bowl ring in front of everybody and keep it for himself. That was greed, but pride took over. And you also had the completion thing in play.

It was a dogfight between pride and greed. Greed was up on points, so pride had to go for the knockout. All of a sudden, jealousy entered the fray! But hubris wasn’t having none of that! Empathy tried to butt in on, but pride cold-cocked him in the balls! Every decision in life is like an episode of Herman’s Head.

“Peyton just looked at it as if he were being a better humanitarian if the Saints won the Super Bowl, especially given what the city of New Orleans had gone through. So he got a ring, and Eli got a ring (the year after Peyton in 2008), and in a sense, maybe Archie got a ring with the Saints winning this Super Bowl.”

And Cooper gets the ones that Big Ben won. And Olivia gets Tom Brady’s. The Buccaneers ring, however, was given away by the Mannings to their neighbors as a housewarming gift.

Give or take a few points, others echoed Fraction.

“I mostly agree, but his theory lacked cake.”

There was Deagria Cook, for instance, whose customers as a hair stylist in town include some of the Colts cheerleaders.

What were Cook’s first thoughts with The Interception?

Oh no. Please tell me that’s the writer’s device and that the Humps aren’t actually capitalizing it on each reference.

“It was all of our thoughts, when we were watching the game during a conference in Arizona, and it was ‘Oh, my goodness. He gave this away. Did he really just give it away like that?’ ” said Cook, another Indianapolis native, shaking her head, between bites at a downtown restaurant.

“NOM NOM NOM WOOL NEFFAW FOWGIM HIM FO THIFF NOM NOM NOM”

“I mean, really. ‘Was that intentional?’ That’s what we were thinking. At the same time, I felt it was great for the Saints for what it would do for their city. We had our moment a couple of years ago when we won it.

“But, yeah, seriously. Was that intentional?”

Okay, I get the delusion: they think Peyton is so great and infallible that he can only fail if he so chooses to. Even though he’s come up short in numerous other instances in his career. In fact, the only time he’s had a memorably great performance on a huge stage in the pros is the 2006 AFC Championship. This past Super Bowl was not the exception. But it’s different because this time it was INTENTIONAL!

For these people, maintaining the fiction that Peyton Manning is the unquestioned greatest quarterback ever who is also incapable of error is more important than having to believe that championships aren’t decided because of wild conspiracies or players being swayed by personal feelings of sympathy for the opposing team’s home town. In short, they’d rather destroy the game than question their disgusting Peyton worship.

But what am I saying? You’re right! Peyton meant to get pick-sixed! He did! But only because he hates you! Or loves New Orleans! But New Orleans hates you! Either way, you lose! Hooray Colts losing!

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i was thinking the Bilderberg Group..but Trilateral Commission works just fine.

By: Tree Spoonduck

02.23.2010 @ 4:21 PM

Lyndon Johnson did it! The Cubans did it! The men on the grassy knoll did it!

By: StuScottBooyahs

02.23.2010 @ 4:24 PM

That was greed, but pride took over.

“You know what, I wanted to not throw the game away. But I’ve just got too much pride to play the game that way.”

By: Boss Godfrey

02.23.2010 @ 4:28 PM

Very illogical argument.

Drew Brees would have thrown the game to make Indianapolis happy long before Pey-Pey would have thrown the game to make New Orleans happy.

Brees would have done it better, too.

By: General Disarray

02.23.2010 @ 4:28 PM

Herman’s Head was a great show.

That is all.

“God Damn it, Donald!!!!”

By: Nashville Steeler Fan

02.23.2010 @ 4:29 PM

Added Fraction, we have never been given access to his..ya know , Peyton’s birth certificate…just sayin

By: Charlie Sweatpants

02.23.2010 @ 4:31 PM

Just when the schadenfreude was beginning to go cold Colts fans came along and warmed it up for us. I don’t see any of the actual fans quoted as calling it “The Interception”, but I hope that’s what they refer to it as. It’s self centered (Interceptions have never happened to anyone else! Only we may capitalize!) and it would only pass for clever in a grade school Leg Up program (2007 was “The Victory”! The AFC championship game was “Jets Defeat”!).

You know, as much as I am tired of hearing about Colts fans whining they lost, I am equally tired of hearing you harp on it in less new, less interesting ways. I know its the offseason and there isn’t much to talk about, but this is getting old.

By: Nathan Hale

02.23.2010 @ 4:37 PM

Pfftt…Peyton didn’t do shit, everyone knows that the NFL is controlled by the crab people.

“In fact, the only time he’s had a memorably great performance on a huge stage in the pros is the 2006 AFC Championship.”

And he managed to throw a pick-6 in that game, too…

By: SRV

02.23.2010 @ 4:43 PM

I am a paranoid nutjob when it comes to conspiracy theories, but there is no way Manning threw that game. It was a bad throw that he LaserFaced the receiver and it was read perfectly by the DB. But if those humps actually buy the theory of a thrown game then it should be applied to all SuperBowls that had a turning point play. Examples off the top of my head : Bengals-Niners game – a DB for Bengals dropped a sure pick 6, obviously he wanted Montana to win (flipside, he gets the INT then Montana wanted Cinci to win) and go back to The Big Snatch play, obviously Rodney Harrison wanted Eli to win right?
that being said, Hermans Head fucking ruled!! Wonder win they are going to make a movie out of it?

Heh, heh, heh. What? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking of a joke I saw on “Herman’s Head”.

By: GhostsoftheUpcountry

02.23.2010 @ 5:08 PM

Yeah, methinks it’s time to quit dumping LSD into Indy’s water supply. Change it out for toxic waste, maybe.

By: The Virgin Connie Swayle

02.23.2010 @ 5:09 PM

+1 for the Herman’s Head reference. I actually liked that show and was kinda weirded out when I saw Yeardley Smith for the first time. Had no idea Lisa looked like that in real life.

By: AJ

02.23.2010 @ 5:15 PM

AND JERRY JONES PAID NEIL O’DONNELL TO THROW IT TO BROWN!

/can kinda see where the Humps are comin’ from
// after 17 years finally starts to realize it was Ernie Mills and Andre Hastings’ fault
/// Herman’s Head… fuck yes!

By: mick

02.23.2010 @ 5:15 PM

To me the picture of that fucknut in the tin foil hat is scarier than any conspiracy theories regarding the game.

By: Animal Mother

02.23.2010 @ 5:16 PM

ZOLTAN!

By: GhostsoftheUpcountry

02.23.2010 @ 5:23 PM

Gee, I wish I knew of a Fat Hump who could argue about this… somebody real good with lots of words… and not too bright…

By: OJ is Murder

02.23.2010 @ 5:25 PM

Manning’s next act of sacrifice will be to remove Drew Brees’ mole with his laser rocket arm.

The sacrifice will be that he’ll have to miss out on the Oreo Double Stuf Racing League Championship.

By: Lofa Tatupoontang

02.23.2010 @ 5:26 PM

I first suspected manning of intentionally throwing games back when he lost to Florida at Tennessee. Three times. In a row. Out of three.

By: nyccine

02.23.2010 @ 5:32 PM

“I honestly think Peyton Manning gave them the game. He gave them the game,” said John Fraction, 40, an Indianapolis native, swinging his fists at nothing but air after he took a break from serving tables at a downtown sports bar.”

I had to re-read this several times, wondering how I was missing the “I might have made that part up” or something that lets you know the writer is pulling your leg, but no, somebody really wrote that. In complete seriousness. Holy Christ, that’s amazing.

Also, +1 for the Herman’s Head reference.

By: Sweet Lou

02.23.2010 @ 6:11 PM

Can’t believe anyone doesn’t believe in that. Of course he threw the game (and the O-line did too thanks to Bill Polian’s insight). The Mannings are from the area. Those tv commercials prove he’s a good funny guy, always looking out for other people. Hell, just look what he did to help Tony (field goal) Dungy – he singlehandedly turned him into Saint Dungy – even though he’s more of a hypocrite than Tiger.

And all those times he threw his WR’s and O-line under the bus? He was just making them better players, better people. If he’s not made a saint in this lifetime then Catholic priests don’t like little boys.

Sheesh people some conspiracies are true.

By: Fred Smoot's Jockstrap

02.23.2010 @ 6:39 PM

Peyton Manning is… THE REAL DREW BREES?

By: Nate Newton's van

02.23.2010 @ 6:49 PM

I never thought it was possible to have less respect for Colts fans but, damn, you think your hero gave the game away on purpose and you haven’t killed him yet? Worthless fat humps.

By: Bob Dylan

02.23.2010 @ 6:50 PM

This guy (linked to in the first BR article) is g-damn insane. His ’07 patriots theory must be read to be believed..

Just when you think the Fat Humps can sink nowhere lower…they do something like this…

…AND TOTALLY REDEEM THEMSELVES!!

By: Jizzthrasher

02.23.2010 @ 7:02 PM

@Bob Dylan

I love the quote at the bottom of the article, in red typeface…

“There are no coincidences.”

So the fact that I was in Kroger with my girlfriend just now, and I was talking about one of my favorite math professors, and then we saw him at Kroger, right after I got done talking about him… He must’ve put a chip in my brain or something, right?

There are a lot of fucking morons in the world, guys.

By: Slash

02.23.2010 @ 7:15 PM

BUILDINGS DON’T COLLAPSE STRAIGHT DOWN LIKE THAT AND HOW COME ALL THE PAPER DIDN’T BURN UP…

Man, I was pretty sure that thing was an extremely well played satire, but I guess I gave the guy too much credit. I mean, the “And Drew Brees is really from Texas!” bit just cracks me the fuck up; it’s so irrelevant to any possible argument that I figured it had to be a joke. Oh well, maybe I just suck.

@ Bob Dylan:

That shit is just ridiculous. Saints over ‘Skins? No one can challenge the Saints, the NFL disapproves. Cowboys over Saints? Never mind, Cowboys need a home playoff game! Jesus fucking Christ.

By: jmac_the_man

02.23.2010 @ 10:53 PM

Is the tinfoil hat pic legit, or is that Photoshop?

By: Squatch

02.23.2010 @ 11:32 PM

Indy made the Bears draft Rex Grossman. True story!

By: Biggstack

02.23.2010 @ 11:32 PM

So the fat hump with the conspiracy theory has been a Colts fan for over 40 years, eh? Well good, then he should be dead from atherosclerosis within the next, what, five minutes or so?

By: bsd

02.23.2010 @ 11:35 PM

This needs an “FJM style” tag

By: Tommy'sBrahtha

02.24.2010 @ 12:03 AM

So now I know why we lost to the Giants. I feel so much fackin’ relief!

By: RobertSmith'sHammy

02.24.2010 @ 1:18 AM

So I guess Favre’s pick 2 weeks before was basically a dress rehearsal.

/still pissed
/still hates the cocksucker wearing #4
/used to it, but at least takes solace in good cholesterol

By: Treima

02.24.2010 @ 2:46 AM

@ Steven:

Aren’t there Steak N’ Shake waitresses you need to be molesting at this hour? Wouldn’t want ol’ Bertha to think you forgot about her while you eat your fifth steakburger of the evening.

By: Big Black Richard

02.24.2010 @ 3:09 AM

@Ghosts: I’ve had Indy water before, and believe me, there’s already toxic waste in their water supply — which explains a lot, really.

Also, it’s funny how Monkey Business hasn’t posted ever since the Super Bowl. I thought we would never get rid of him. Happily, I was dead wrong.

By: Otto Man

02.24.2010 @ 8:14 AM

This has to be made up. An everyman halfwit named John Fraction? Come on. They might as well have named him Joe Eighthbrain.

By: Otto Man

02.24.2010 @ 8:16 AM

Are you sure Glenn Beck didn’t write the parts in bold?

Nah. Not enough grade-school blackboard work.

By: Otto Man

02.24.2010 @ 8:23 AM

OK, I’ve looked over the site.

Here’s what we’ve got: the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people, under the supervision of the reverse vampires are forcing Peyton Manning to throw interceptions in a fiendish plot to eliminate the Steak ‘n’ Shake franchise.

We’re through the looking glass here, people.

By: Dat RoRo Kid

02.24.2010 @ 8:28 AM

I don’t know. I’m beginning to think you don’t like people from Indiana.

By: Joe Sixpack

02.24.2010 @ 8:41 AM

Yeah, the NFL never fixes games.

That’s only the NBA, MLB, FIFA, and every other sporting organization…except the NFL!

Talk about deluded.

The same people who think “Vegas loses money” when some team beats the line.
Here’s a tip: Vegas NEVER loses money.

By: Nimby

02.24.2010 @ 8:57 AM

How much Frisco sauce did it take to buy your soul, Peyton?!?!

By: 85

02.24.2010 @ 9:17 AM

Don’t you see?!?! It wasn’t Peyton who threw the game! The mighty Battleship could never do such a thing.

No…

It was Evil Parallel Universe Manning! I’ve uncovered evidence of him discussing his insidious plot with President Obama before the game: