By Holly Snyder, Executive DirectorWe’ve talked about chemical bonds that take place during sex, the risk of contracting STDs, the emotions that can take you high and low during a sexual relationship, and what true love looks like. By this point maybe you’re thinking, it sounds great to save sex for marriage, but that’s just not how it’s done anymore. And you’re right. Enjoying sex only in marriage isn’t common anymore, but it’s possible. That’s right, it’s possible. Today, that’s what our discussion will be centered around, practical solutions to save sex for marriage.

It matters who you surround yourself with. We are more likely to live life as our friends do than to live life differently than our friends. If all of your friends are having sex with their boyfriends, than it will be easier for you to have sex and/or do sexual things with your boyfriend. Try spending time with people who are making similar decisions as you are making. These friendships hold a lot of accountability, which all of us need. Accountability is an important part of saving sex for marriage. Friends make great accountability partners. These people are not only making the same decision as you, but they are encouraging you when when your decision has its rough patches. Just because you make the decision to wait to have sex, doesn’t mean you won’t have the desire to have sex. The friends who will hold you accountable understand that desire, but are there to remind you of the reasons to wait. Good friends that hold you accountable only go so far. It’s also important that your significant other is on the same page as you also. Consider deciding on boundaries and make them known to your boyfriend. He’s another person you are surrounded by and with who you spend a lot of time.How, where, and when your time is spent can make a huge impact on your success of the decision to enjoy sex only in marriage. It’s helpful to do something around other people. Something like taking a walk, going to the movies, running errands, finishing homework at the library, going to the park, attending a concert… all together but not in private. There are so many other good reasons to do things together in public for more than just taking your mind off the desire to have sex. It’s also a good time to talk and learn about each other, as well as see the other person in action, i.e. how do they treat you around other people or when they’re mad/tired/stressed, how do they talk about others and treat them. Sometimes it might prove helpful to do these activities with your significant other while being with friends. These tips are a good place to start if you are making the decision to save sex for marriage. Choosing like-minded friends and having accountability with them, as well as setting boundaries and making them known to your boyfriend, and wisely choosing where, when, and how you spend your time together should help you to accomplish your goal. The staff and volunteers of the STPRC know that your relationships and what you do in those relationships are your choice. We are here to help. Contact the STPRC if you need a trusted peer-counselor to talk to about your relationship.

What is love? I mean real, lasting love. Isn't that what most of us want to know and deep down, really desire to have? Let’s talk a little bit about love… what it’s not and what it is. What love doesn't look like:Hasty. Do you need time to decide how you truly feel about him or if you even want to be with him? Love doesn't come with pressure. Take that time to make a decision that is right for you!Not Trusting and Jealous. He’s constantly asking you who you’re talking to or texting. He has to know where you are when you’re not with him. You can’t talk to anything male without there being a fight. Love doesn't come with chains. Holds Grudges. If he’s running a tally of the mistakes you've made and ready to use them during your next fight, it’s time to ask yourself some questions. Does this relationship help me to grow as a person or does it belittle me?Hurtful. It is so important to understand that love isn't hurtful. If you are being abused physically, emotionally, verbally, or sexually in your relationship reach out to us for help. We are here to listen and connect you with the help you need.It’s important to remember that this is what love doesn't look like from your partner or you. If we don’t want to be hurt or rushed into a decision or not trusted, then let’s not treat our men that way. Here’s what love does look like:Patient. Love doesn't require decisions that aren't informed and thought out. Love is being patient with each other as you learn and grow as people. Kind. Love is being gentle and helpful towards each other. Respectful. Love is honoring each other as people with minds and emotions. It is taking the time to know each other and value the beliefs, opinions, and dreams of the other person. I’m not saying you can’t disagree with opposing beliefs or opinions. You can still love and respect a person for their beliefs and opinions and still have the choice of being or not being in a relationship with him. Not Self-Seeking. Loving someone isn't about just one person. It’s about two. Often those two people come with other people, i.e. family and friends, people that are important to them. Slow to Anger. Love wants to resolve problems, not blow them out of proportion. Love wants to listen to the other side of the disagreement, as well as calmly express her own side. Forgiving. Love might not forget, but certainly forgives the wrongs of the other person. Love doesn't dwell on the wrongs. Protecting. Love protects each other. Love doesn't want to see the other person hurt, including physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally and considers the other person's health in these areas in their words and actions.Trusting. Love doesn't lie.Perseveres. Love gets through the crummy parts of life. Love sticks it out through sickness, hardship, and uncertainty.Committed and Faithful. This list wouldn't be complete without these attributes. Love in a romantic relationship is being committed to one person and being faithful to that person in every way. Again, it needs to be said: this is what love will look like from your partner and it’s what love will look like from you.The STPRC knows your relationships are your choice, and we’re here to help you navigate your way through. Contact us if you need someone to talk to.

Since we’ve talked about the benefits to waiting for sex until marriage for both your mind and your body, it’s time to have a heart to heart. That’s right… there are heart benefits to waiting for sex until marriage. Everything you do flows from your heart. Perhaps you act on a desire or maybe an emotion, both flow from the heart.

Let’s talk about emotions. Sex can certainly stir some up:

Happiness

Fear

Disappointment

Anger

Sadness

Anxiety

There can be a lot of pressure… what if I’m not good enough? What if he doesn’t stick around? What if I get pregnant? What if I get an STD? What if my parents find out? What if I regret it? And at times it can be an emotional rollercoaster.

In marriage, if both you and your spouse are committed to one another, that emotional rollercoaster doesn’t exist. There’s stability and trust in your relationship. You both know the other person and can take comfort in that familiarity. The pressure has been relieved and both you and your spouse can sexually enjoy one another in a committed, loving marriage.

At the Southern Tier PRC we know that your sex life is your choice. Our desire is to keep you informed so that you can make the best decision possible for lasting, fulfilling relationships. If you need to talk to a trusted peer-counselor about your relationships, contact us today. You’re not alone. We’re here to help.

We hope you’re enjoying our Super Sex Series, which is actually an exploration of the benefits of waiting until you’re married to have sex. In our last post, we discussed how couples who have sex (whether they have sex before they’re married, or they wait) actually demonstrate a creation of chemical bonds in their brains. These bonds were designed to draw them closer. The problem is that many couples who choose to have sex before they get married end up breaking up, thus breaking this bond. This results is a great deal of pain and heartache, as well as a degree of inability to bond with their husband or wife in the future.

As we continue our Super Sex Series, we’d like to talk about a subject that you’ve probably heard a lot about - STDs.

What are STDs?

STDs, or Sexually Transmitted Diseases, are also referred to as Sexually Transmitted Infections. These infections are contracted by having sexual contact with someone who has the infection. Some examples of STDs include:

Gonorrhea

Chlamydia

Herpes

HPV

Syphilis

HIV/AIDS

What is my Risk?

Years ago, it was believed that if you used protection (such as a condom) during sex, you weren’t at risk for contracting an STD. However, through significant amounts of research, studies have found that any time you have sex with someone who is infected with an STD, you put yourself at risk for contracting the infection yourself. Condoms offer you some protection, but not enough according to the Centers for Disease Control and Protection website. According to their findings, latex condoms offer some protection against unwanted pregnancy and some STDs. However, there are other types of condoms that may not provide protection against STDs, including HIV. The website also indicates that the failure rate for condoms when used appropriately is 18%.

How Will I Know if I have an STD?

There are a few symptoms you can look for to determine whether or not you may have gotten an STD. These symptoms include:

Painful urination

Painful intercourse

Open sores near the mouth or genital area

Strange or foul-smelling discharge

Itching or swelling in the genital area

Fever/chills/nausea

Changes in your menstrual cycle

If you believe you might have contracted an STD, it’s important for you to contact your physician right away to determine the best course of treatment.

The Southern Tier PRC is Here to Help

Although the decision of whether or not to have sex before you are married is entirely up to you, here at the Southern Tier PRC, we have a lot of information and materials that can help you make a good decision. If you would like to speak with one of our peer counselors, we encourage you to make an appointment. You can contact us, or you can also make an appointment through our website by clicking the appointment button above.

STDs are very serious, and they can affect you for the rest of your life. Some STDs don’t surface for years, so you can become infected without knowing it for a long time. It’s our hope that this series on Super Sex will be informative for you, and that it will give you the tools to make excellent choices for your sex life.

One of the reasons many couples and individuals give for not waiting to have sex is that they want to experience a closer relationship with their partner. They fail to see the value in waiting until they are married to create a strong bond with the person they care about, so they make the decision to take their relationship to the next level.

However, even modern science has started testing out theories regarding sexual activity before marriage. According to an article on the CBN News website, researcher Dr. Joe McIlhaney of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health in Austin says that studies have shown that having sex before you’re married could ruin your chances for a healthy, happy and fulfilling marriage later on.

The Bonding Process

The studies that have been done involve brain scans that studied the effects of sexual activity within the brain. They found that strong chemicals are released that actually create bonds with your partner. While both the brains of both sexes create dopamine, which is an addictive chemical, and can result in addictive behaviors, women’s brains secrete oxytocin when they are intimate with a man. For men, the feel-good hormone is called vasopressin, and it’s been called a type of “monogamy hormone,” emotionally bonding a man to a woman.

“But We’re Getting Married Anyway”

In committed relationships, many couples rationalize having sex before they’re married because their goal is to get married anyway. The truth is, some of them do, but many of them don’t. For those couples, when the relationship ends, the experience what feels like a divorce because of the bonding process they’ve experienced. They may take some time to be alone, and then they begin looking for a new relationship. If the new couple has sex outside of marriage, the chemical bonding process starts again.

Creating and breaking these chemical bonds over and over again has its consequences. In fact, researchers believe that the ability to create these bonds is weakened over time. By the time a person is ready to get married, for many people, it’s nearly impossible to form a strong bond with their spouse. It’s also more likely that they will eventually get a divorce.

Here at the Southern Tier PRC, we understand your sex life is your choice. It’s our goal to provide you with the information you need to make good decisions for your sexual health. If you’ve been struggling regarding a decision to have sex before you’re married, or to wait, and you need someone to talk to, our peer counselors are available to help you. If you’d like to make an appointment, please contact us. For your convenience, you can also click the Appointment button on this page, and make your appointment online.

Many people, whether they’re in a steady relationship or not, struggle with saving sex for marriage. It’s not easy to wait, and many people fall into the trap of believing the various lies they’ve heard from the media, from their friends, and even from their partners when they decide to have sex before they get married. Phrases like:

Having sex will bring us closer together.

We’re going to get married anyway, so why wait?

Having sex now will help us find out if we’re compatible with each other.

It’s just sex. What’s the big deal?

Unfortunately, when people believe these statements, the result may be heartbreak, confusion, contracting various STD’s, or even an unplanned pregnancy.

In this series, we’re going to cover the importance of saving sex until you’re married, and we’ll discuss the practical reasons for making this decision. If you are struggling with making the decision to have sex, or to wait until you’re married, we hope that you’ll check back in, and follow this series.

The truth is, while it might be difficult for you to wait until you’re married to have sex, waiting until marriage will provide you with a lot of benefits in your marriage that you’ll miss out on if you don’t wait. We’ll be discussing those benefits too, and it’s our hope that you’ll make the choice to experience all of them.

Here at the Southern Tier PRC, it’s our goal to provide our clients with the information they need to make good decisions about their sexual health. While it’s always your choice to decide whether or not you want to wait until you’re married to have sex, we want to give you the information you need to make a well-informed decision. Finding out about an unplanned pregnancy, being diagnosed with an STD or an STI, or experiencing the loss of a relationship you were sure was going to last can have devastating effects, and we’d like to help you prevent those situations.

If you or someone you love would like more information about making good choices for their sexual health, one of our peer counselors would love to talk with you. We’re available to answer any questions you might have. Please contact us today to make your appointment, or click the Appointment button to make your appointment online.

According to an article on the WomensHealth.gov website, about half of all pregnancies are unplanned. Perhaps you have recently found out that you are pregnant. It’s possible that it came as quite a shock to you, and you’re now unsure of what to do, or how to react.

Here at the Southern Tier PRC in , we help women and families who are encountering unplanned pregnancies. Here are a few of the common reactions we see in the women who visit the Center.

Concern that the baby’s father will not be happy about the news - This is one of the most common fears that women have when they find out when encountering an unplanned pregnancy. Many of them worry that their partner is going to want them to have an abortion. Some of them worry that their partner will leave them.

Worry that you can’t afford a baby - There’s no doubt that having a baby is expensive. Not only is prenatal care costly, but once the baby is born, paying for clothes, formula and other baby essentials can be pretty taxing on your income.

Unsure of your ability to handle being pregnant for nine months - If your pregnancy is unplanned, you might be concerned about feeling depressed or anxious during the next nine months. You may have other children to care for, or other responsibilities that will make being pregnant very difficult for you.

Fear for your future plans - Whether you’re a student in high school who has had a positive pregnancy test, or you thought your child-bearing days were over, finding out that you’re pregnant can make you very fearful about your future. It’s disheartening to think that you will have to put your plans on hold, or perhaps have to give up your goals altogether.

If any of these sound familiar to you, we want you to know that we understand, and we’re here to help you. We hope that these truths will offer you some encouragement:

Most new fathers are very excited to hear that their partners are pregnant, even if the baby was a surprise.

With all of the agencies in our community that are willing and able to offer help to you, it’s not as costly as you might think to have a new baby.

Talking with a peer counselor about your pregnancy is a great way to alleviate some of your deepest fears about how you will handle the next nine months.

Many new moms continue with their education, and flourish in the workplace. Being pregnant does not mean that you have to put your future plans on hold forever.

Here at the Southern Tier PRC, we are dedicated to helping women and men just like you. Our services include offering free pregnancy tests, free options counseling, free ultrasounds, and much more. We are excited to be able to offer you with materials assistance as well as referrals to many community agencies who will rally around you during this important time in your life.

If you believe you might be pregnant, it can feel as though you’re facing a crisis. You may feel the need to make a quick decision, but that quick decision will affect you for the rest of your life. Contrary to popular belief, it’s important for you to get the education you need about your options before making any decisions regarding your health, or the health of your unborn baby.

If you would like to make an appointment with the Southern Tier PRC, we would love to talk with you. Our peer counselors will help you navigate this difficult time, and all of our services are always free. To make your appointment, please contact us today.

On behalf of all of the staff and volunteers of the Southern Tier PRC, we would like to welcome you to our new website. We’d also like to thank you for checking out our blog.

On this blog page, you’ll find lots of important information. If you’re visiting our website, it’s possible that you’re here because you’ve found yourself facing an unexpected pregnancy. Or, perhaps you have some questions about STD’s (or STI’s), and you have questions about your sexual health. Regardless of what your reason is for visiting our site, we want you to know that we’re glad you’re here, and we want to help you.

Southern Tier PRC Services

If you’re interested in finding out more about the services we offer here at the Center, we invite you to take a look through our website. You’ll find that we work with parents to develop good parenting skills, and we also help with a variety of community needs, such as providing materials and referrals. If you think you might be pregnant, we can offer you a free pregnancy test, along with options information* from one of our peer counselors.

Our Promise to You

Confidentiality is very important to us, here at the Southern Tier PRC. You never have to worry that we’ll share your private information with anyone. When you visit us for help, we want you to feel confident that we will uphold that promise to you.

The Best Part of All...

The best part about the services of the Southern Tier PRC is that everything we do here is FREE of charge! We offer:

Whether you’re facing an unexpected pregnancy, or you have another need we can help you with, you want to know that you’re going to be talking with someone who understands how you feel, and how to help you. We strive to build strong relationships with all of our clients, and it’s our goal to make you feel comfortable when you’re here, visiting with us.

The Next Best Thing...

...is that we make contacting us convenient for you. We are just one phone call, or one email away. If you would like more information about our services, or you would like to make an appointment to meet with one of our peer counselors, please contact us today.

*The Southern Tier PRC does not perform abortions, or provide referrals for abortions