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you’re sort of famous a minor celebrity and so it only makes sense the world would be obsessed with every single thing you do

they’re running ’round with their camcorders in the night they lurk impatienly in hope that they just might see something really embarr*ssing you do

the bad hair day and sweat-stained t-shirts that’s the story that they are gonna feature with exclusive pics of your flabby behind you think you’re all alone but that’s right when you’ll find

a bunch of paparazzi popping out of nowhere cameras in your face and then suddenly you’re on tmz you’re on tmz

following you when you’re walking down the street and asking stupid questions while you’re trying to eat so you cover your face thinking to yourself “hey, isn’t this creepy?”

and they are there praying you’ll have a big meltdown and take a mono-lethal car chase through this whole town they’ll be there with you when you’re going to jail first on the scene for every wardrobe fail

you just picked up some transvest*te seconds later it’s up on the website get a vegas wedding a quickie divorce and they’ll be sneaking in snapping pictures, of course

and if they ever catch you picking your nose or storming down the street in a drunken spree you’re on tmz

stalking you, just waiting by a frontal trailing you through airport security they were tmz

they were tmz

(we caught this oscar nominee picking up dog poop is that a baby back there? i pr*nounce you guilty, of leaving the house while fat look who’s drinking coffee, everything celebrities do is fascinating)

oh, let me tell you it’s getting to the point where a famous person can’t even get a d.u.i or go on a racist rant those guys are all around so you really shouldn’t dare go to every club in town if you just lost your underwear

seems that every single time a star decides to shave her hair or ram their car into a tree they’re on tmz

if they catch you peeing in the bushes later on, that night well, i guarantee you’re on tmz you’re on tmz