Grinding should not be considered a dance move

April 3, 2013 /
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(graphic by Adele Palmquist).

As we near the end of the school year, the need for a momentary release before we are placed in our summer jobswill be sought after. The release of tension coming from the cramming of our brains will be most relieved through the acts of good company and perhaps, a little bit of booze. Needless to say, the idea of dancing all the stresses away is a student’s ultimate go-to.

However, once it comes time to dance the night away, every time I walk into to a club I am reminded that my vision of people dancing cheek to cheek becomes a gross reality that I must squeeze into as I make my way onto the dance floor.

In “The Ick Factor”, the women of Sex and the City concluded that romance is dead. I did not believe it until one night at our favourite dirty bar, my friends and I witnessed a guy bending the girl his was grinding with into doggy-style position. Looking around the room, the other men stood cheering the guy on as they grinded up against their ladies. Romance was indeed dead. Or it was in the club I was at, making me lose a little bit of faith with our generation.

I am all for sexual freedom, but I find that grinding demonstrates how we do not participate in a respectful dance of dating. Maybe it’s because we don’t really dance at all.

You awkwardly move from side to side without any real rhythm, trying to meet each other’s hips at the same time, which more often than not fails. It feels like a really bad quickie as your clothes are on and one of you is most likely drunk.

I am not going to the floor because I want a man to grab and awkwardly dry hump me from behind. I choose to dance by myself or with my girls because when I do decide to dance with a man I want to be treated like Ginger Rogers.

There was one time where I felt like the Swing Time actress. At a party in first year this stranger and I went out to the porch to take a break from our drunk friends. As we got out into the cold he held out his hand and that is when we, started to sway in silence.

I started to laugh at first, partly because the feminist side of me didn’t want to participate in something I thought was Leave it to Beaver patriarchal. But it was mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn’t know how to dance.

It was one of the most intimate encounters I have ever had. This is because, by dancing slow, close, and face-to-face you can have the suggestion of sex, while also having a feeling of self-respect on both parts.

I mean, wouldn’t you like to feel someone’s eyes looking into yours rather than feeling some guy’s junk on your ass. That will tell you more about the person you are with.

However, since clubbing appears to be a vital part of our 20s that can’t be avoided, especially in those times you need to hear the beats, there should be some understanding of what people want.

So men, don’t just treat her like a piggy bank. Maybe ask the girl’s name first before you grab her. You should probably ask her to dance as well. When you are out on the floor maybe stare at face her for a bit, impress her with some quirky dance before you go in for the grind.