A blog about the Big Four of the English Premier League

A round of beer, courtesy Carling

The prize money is awarded by the Football League – The winners of the Carling Cup win £100,000 and the runners-up £50,000. The losing semi-finalists each take home £25,000.

– Organizers, The Carling Cup

Are you friggin kidding me?

– Carlton Palmer, who had already promised a treat for the victory.

The one way to make something as inconsequential as the Carling Cup worth watching is to show it on Ten Sports, as is the original plan. Pushing it to Zee Sports, with their policy of not showing themselves up on any other DTH provider’s services, is one sure way for people to give up and head to the nearest bar. The fate of the match’s television presence is sealed when it’s replacement on Ten Sports happens to be an India-Pakistan hockey match. Now, for those of you not familiar with the sporting history of the two countries, here’s the deal – If India and Pakistan played each other in a Croquet game, a 30, 000-seater stadium would sell out and the rest of India watching on the telly would cheer at every punt of the mallet.

The other way to make the final (or any game) worth watching is to not put Aston Villa in it. This is the team which played us with 10 men in their home and left us looking the more threatening team. The whole team has as much creativity as a Ford assembly line. They have two players for each position, both of which mirror each other exactly in ability and almost exactly in looks as well. For example, I direct your attention to this image below.

Brother from another mother

This is the famed Villa center midfield. That which has shielded its defence so well that makes them the most stingy team in the League. That which injects the other twin pair of Gabby and Ashley with their very creative forward moves. And that, if they were cars, would be the Tata Indigo and the Honda City.

Two different cars

In the end, the remodeled Heberger statement held true in this game too – The ball is round, the game lasts 90 minutes and Rooney scores. Ever since he’s brought his head under control, he has also, by extension, got an unbelievable measure of control over his headers. A perfect looping header over the always-annoying Brad Friedel to hand us the game and the first silverware of the season. It could have been one more when he was picked out again by Anotonio (this guy might have only one trick, but it’s a bloody darn good trick) but apparently the posts in Wembley are just that little bit broader on the insides than at Old Trafford. Park, apart from covering every blade of grass on Wembley, had a woodwork-moment himself. Which automatically makes us the better team on the night.

In the midst of the horrifying Ramsey injury, and the accusations back and forth over whether Shawcross meant malice and whether it all really is (as I have always suspected) Wenger’s fault deep down, and our own problems between our Glazers and our Red Knights, it is no surprise if the first trophy of the season is greeted with lesser enthusiasm that a cup final should get. It is definitely no surprise that this report itself is two days late and barely has anything about the game itself. But that’s just how things have gone this weekend. The game has been won, Fergie’s got his 26th with United, the prize money is enough to get all the boys a round of beer, and the Glazer’s $700m Dollar debt would not even be tickled by this amount of cash.