Asking for help has become easier over the years. However it does depend on what it is I need help with. Some things are a direct hit on my sense of pride, be it false or not. One other point is that I am an independent sort, and like to do things for myself. I once had a friend, yes, once, but no more: she could not replace a light bulb. At the risk of being down right judgemental, I am sorry, but, I do not get that. So here are my issues blowing up in my face…. your either hopelessly independent and no one can do anything for you, or so needy you need help with everything. I would want to be somewhere in the middle, but, I think I steer a bit to the independent side. There are reasons I suppose….

Looking back, I do not recall getting help with anything, my parents were busy and distracted and I was left to work things out for myself. Like most things, there are two sides to that coin. One, I turned out pretty self sufficient, and two, the flip side, there arose a feeling in me that I was not deserving of help, or attention. Darn, I so wanted to be perfect.

I am also capable. I hung out with my dad in his workshop; by watching him, I learned how to paint a wall, strip furniture, build things, use a variety of tools, drink like a fish, swear like a trucker, (no offence to the truckers) and pee standing up. No, just joking. I never learned how to build things… oops. more joking.

To continue, now that I am older, not necessarily more mature, I can ask for help, but it usually takes a little talking to myself, and I have to assume a particular stance, like I’m about to face a firing squad or something.. I need to get brave about it. It is not casual for me. I think I am dodging the truth and am ready to break down and admit… it is easier but still not easy.

I have had three long term relationships in my life, and as much as I have been loved, and supported, each of my relationships had one thing in common. They loved to provide what they thought I should have, but if I were to ask for something, it did not go over well. I have learned by watching the responses, from the earliest beginnings say thank you but just DO NOT ASK for anything. Shucks, wish this had a happier ending.