It is absolutely ridiculous to think that I can write a book by writing a blog about writing a book, so I will never, EVER, do that. This is a blog about writing a book by writing a blog about defeating procrastination (via facebook, Twitter, being awesome, etc.) through the judicious use of writing a blog instead of my book. Hey, it made sense to me.

My dialogue is absolutely horrid today, so instead of trying to force it (which I realize is exactly what I should do, then go over it again later) I am here in a feeble attempt to not be on Facebook or reading about publishing.

I've been having trouble writing lately, and it isn't writer's block, or anything like that, it's just... I have had the very sudden realization that this book that I'm working on has not much commercial potential - that is to say not as much commercial potential - as my Lord Zod project idea. It isn't about the money, and never has been. It's about telling stories, and if people aren't going to read the stories... then what is the point? self-discovery? Sure. I dig that. Constantly exciting myself about this story, or that plot twist, or this character? Absolutely. If it wasn't at least partly about that, then Lord Zod wouldn't exist. I won't ever stop writing, but my passion for this book has just gone.

I've just had the realization that "I'm working on my book" has taken on the meaning of "I'm playing Freecell and staring at the page."

I don't dare to set this book aside and begin writing about Lord Zod, potential ruler of the Universe for fear that the whole series will go to the back burner and be forgotten. I have been working at re-plotting three scenes. Three scenes are stopping me from finishing this draft, and I'm stuck. Seemingly unable to string a single meaningful conversation together.

Maybe I'm just being a wuss. Maybe I just need to suck it up, write it, then move on. I won't give it to a single Beta reader until it's ready, but I can't shake the feeling that some actual feedback might help regain my passion for the project. I wish I knew how professionals did this - then again, I've got Jaeger blood, no matter how many times we Jaegers are told something we bull ahead and have to figure it out ourselves. We're all kind of stupid like that.

I've always wanted this (not the dilemma), writing books, (seeking) publication, people to read the things I have to say and care about the people I write about... but dammit, this is harder now than it's ever been before. Granted, everything I have written before has been varying degrees of congealed shit, but still.

Well, I've successfully put Freecell where I don't know how to retrieve it, let's see how that. goes. I'll keep you all posted.