Saturday, March 28, 2015

I am not good at
remembering the faces and names of the people I meet. I forget easily, it’s not
that I am doing it deliberately, but I just can’t help it. Every time, I go to
town, I bump into a person or two who seems to know me, but I am like ‘hit me
on my head’ I can’t remember you or ‘you look so familiar but sorry I can’t fix
the missing puzzle of where’. To save embarrassment, I act like an old friend
“Yeah! What are you doing here? Me? I study here at CST. Ata, he is in India. I
am fine. See you …blah blah blah.” Most of the people I meet know my brother
because we have studied together till 12. It’s more of like, I am ‘Tshewang
Lhendup’s sister rather than Tshering Cheki.’ ***wink*** I don’t blame my brother
for being famous… just envy him. Just kidding… he must be fuming reading this and
muttering at the moment “What this Youngmin is writing?”

Ok… coming to the point
without much stretching. Way back in second semester, I along with friends,
went to eat dinner at Peljorling Hotel. While waiting impatiently for dinner to
be served, a guy dropped by our table and talked to us. I thought he was their
friend only to realize he was talking to me. ‘Who is he?’ struck me, but I
didn’t let it show on my face. Yeah… he also happens to know my brother,
definitely asking about his whereabouts and all. On a good note, he left, at
least what I thought.

“I have to be. I am very
bad with memories. I just can’t get who is who and all. But I am sure that I
haven’t seen him before.” I told them.

“Ouch! What is wrong with
you?” I screeched, when a friend pinched me real hard.

I was facing them; they
just acted like their cell phones suddenly became really interesting as they
got engrossed exploring it.

“What?” I asked in an
irritated tone, giving them ‘are you guys out of your mind look’.

A friend sitting next to
me nudged on my arm hinting me to look back. Cold-heartedly I looked back just
to find him and his friends behind us. He politely smiled at me, no doubt he
heard whole nonsense, I talked minutes before.

Awkward! I felt like
vanishing from there or at least hide under the table just to save embarrassment.
I don’t know how the food tasted, just remembered that my ear was burning hot
with embarrassment. That was just an
introduction of hundred more stories of the same kind.

Last time when I went to
town, I was waiting for a friend near J.P Centre when a guy stopped by me and
said “Hi! Tshering……………”

Oh God! Not again, don’t
let me cross my path with the people I don’t remember but they do. I heard
myself reply, “Ata, he is fine and he will be graduating next year.”

Yes! It’s freaking 3:03am
in the morning and I can’t sleep. I need a reason to blame on, so there are
group of boys who are shouting like barbarians at this hours. Seriously! What the
hell is wrong with them to shout and wake whole campus? Or am I the only one
who can’t sleep? Or what the hell is wrong with me for letting such a trivial
issue bother me?

Here I am, at this hour,
giving birth to millions of thought and wishing for an absurd thing which is
likely to jeopardize my whole life. I am so messed up now and caught in a
circle of confusion that I don’t know which is an end or a start. It pricks me
like a hell.

I retrieve my words back. I
am fine, I just sometimes lose my mind like today. Not a big deal, I can be
quite dramatic sometimes, like taking a whole day off just to watch a match and
souring my mood because India lost semifinal to Australia in ICC World Cup for
whole night. By the way, I am still not over it. For the info, I am not a
fanatic of cricket and I am amazed by the fuss I am creating over it.
Incredible! Beyond my explanation and understanding.

Or like pushing away
everyone from my life. It’s sad, some just walk away, but there are few who still
cling on. I know, sometimes I am not an easy to be with but I appreciate the
energy they put on to hold me together.

Thank god! They stopped
shouting. Mercy sleep! Embrace me now, I have three appointments with lecturers
today over the project discussion. A project which is wavering in a bizarre
direction, fueling the anxiety in me. There are lots of pressure, this be the
reason for the swings of my mood.

Oh God! Let this hurricane
of my life pass without wrecking or creating much havoc in my life. ‘I am
strong and I can do it.’ A mantra I am chanting every day to keep myself going.
Remember the laws of attraction from ‘The Secrets’, if I keep on believing in positive
things, I am likely to attract those things. *Sigh* Lord! Give me a strength.

I will close my eyes, shut
my mind, zip my heart, blanket my body and order myself to sleep. But there is
a seed of rebellion in me, sometimes I don’t even listen to myself. Today,
looks like that seed has rooted in me. Let it be. May be, I will enjoy watching
the breaking of dawn and the sunrise, first time ever in the history of my life.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

“I am surprised
that you woke up without me having to come to your room and pull you out of
bed. I thought you will sleep for the whole day.” I smiled at the well stated
fact.

“Don’t we have
class today?” I murmured quizzically getting what was coming next.

“Didn’t you check
webmail? The classes are called off as per the order of His Majesty.” She was
laughing at me.

“Arrggggg! I should
have checked the mail.” I mentally slapped myself. After exhausting days of
first midterm, I craved for a real rest. I reluctantly woke up in the morning
to prepare for today's class.

Yesterday, after
writing the last paper from 4-5pm, we were informed that His Majesty and Her
Majesty are coming for the royal visit to the college.

A visit, students
anticipated despite the tiring days of exams. The visit which lasted for 40
minutes comprises of the words of wisdoms, advices and guidance, appreciation
for working hard, his expectations of the technical students and His Majesty
clearly expressed a wish to spend a day with the students, attending the
lectures and blending with a life of CST, however, he stated that he has to
visit Singapore to pay condolence and attend a funeral of a man he deeply
respect, former prime minister of Singapore, late. Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

His Majesty said
that we, the students must be tired after exams and deserve a day off. A line
which brought a smile on face of six hundred people in the MP Hall.

However, it was not
officially confirmed. After special late night dinner from a mess, I retired
for a day with a movie. Probably, dozed off without completing it and yeah,
didn’t bother to check the mail. That’s how I land up waking early today *wink*

Anyway, the perk of
rising early is that I could clean the room, arrange the closet, and do the
piles of laundry.

As I lay on the bed
reading the first chapter of ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ by Oscar Wilde,
mentally I counted the number of days I have to stay in a college. Hardly 100
days left to leave the college.

It’s hard to
believe that it’s almost 4 years as it feels like yesterday, when I first
timidly stepped inside the gate of College of Science and Technology. The place
which has given me a real foundation both for my career and life. I think I
have changed by leap, in past 4 years than the previous 17 years of my
existence. I felt unknown emotion rupturing inside me, I tried to suppress it
with the line I read somewhere ‘Every beginning has an end and every ending is
a new beginning’.

Suddenly my heart
swelled with mixed feeling of fear, apprehension, excitement, responsibility
which lies ahead and a few others I couldn’t name.

I felt the need to
breath for a real. I closed and tossed away the book, opened the laptop and
began writing, nothing in particular but meant everything deep inside.