« I was born in a female body, but never felt I was a girl, from at least the age of three. When I reached puberty, it started to dawn on me that I was different. I didn’t feel comfortable in this body.Sexuality felt massive, loaded with shame, because at my all-girls school, if you were a lesbian, that’s it, you’d be bullied. The problem was, I didn’t think I was a lesbian, anyway. I was attracted to women, but I felt like a guy.I changed my gender when I was 26. I was treated as male in public by the time I was 28. I noticed changes, certainly in the business world. When I was female and in the company of men, I was treated as “less than”, inferior, stereotyped. As soon as I was perceived as being male, men would assume that I was the one in charge. Always. I’m a small guy in height, so I was surprised to feel that power, and actually didn’t know what to do with it.When I started taking hormones, I felt a complete mix of fear and excitement. My periods stopped, which was an utter relief. I’d always had problems with my periods, anyway, because I have Crohn’s disease. Then I started getting facial hair, which was wonderful.During the process, you focus on the new things, exciting changes. But then it’s not enough, and you want more. Getting rid of my breasts was fantastic. I spent nine years researching surgery to create a penis. I went all round Europe, because in the UK people were having real problems – the only stories I ever heard were bad. So I travelled around Europe and met other trans men. I finally settled on surgeons in Belgium.In the UK, they normally do a forearm phalloplasty, where they take all the skin from the top of the arm to make the penis shaft. I’ve got a tiny arm, so it would have been a very small penis. I thought, “Why the hell am I going to go through nine hours of surgery, when that’s all I’m going to get?” I thought I might as well get something of a decent size. So I had a thigh phalloplasty. The surgeons take a couple of nerves from the arm and the inner thigh to hook up to the clitoral nerve to give you the erotic sensation. The nerves are still growing and changing. It won’t be the same as a penis, but it is amazing.I can still orgasm, but it’s different, it takes a bit longer. I can have an erection for as long as I want, because it’s a mechanical pump. I still have a lot of issues around using the penis. I haven’t had a relationship that would allow me to build up the confidence, but I have been a little bit experimental. I climaxed with one woman.I’ve also experienced lots of unhealthy rejections. I’ve just had enough. I hope for love. I want to be desired.source: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... -all#img-6