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Saturday, November 3, 2012

Pregnancy fears.

Being a second time mom is WAY easier than being a first time mom.

Little man & I at one day old.

Last pregnancy with little man, I was so scared about everything. I was scared about my water breaking, losing my mucus plug (TMI, sorry!), having the baby on the way to the hospital, etc. The biggest fear I had was the actual labor and delivery, looming above my head like a big fog of uncertainty.

As a first time mom, even if you've attended births of family members or friends, you don't have a stinking clue of what is ahead of you.

Will my labor be fast or slow?

What will labor and delivery feel like?

Will the pain be bearable?

Will I need medications/interventions?

Will I throw my birth plan out the window?

Honestly, I think I was more scared of what could possibly happen than the actual idea of the birth of my son.

Thankfully, I had a fairly uncomplicated birth with little man- I was still able to deliver vaginally with no huge problems other than having to take pitocin due to weak contractions after my water had broken, and then subsequently getting an epidural a few hours later. I was very lucky to experience that change-your-life moment where my son was placed on my chest and we fell in love. It is the biggest high and best moment of my life to this point.

If I would have known just how little the pain or fear meant at that point, I would have been so much less fearful. But, you can't really understand that until you go through it and get there.

This time? I know what it feels like. I know how things happen, before and after delivery and birth. I know what it is like to have my water break, to feel contractions, to birth the placenta. Yep, that part was really gross. But I know.

And, I'm not scared.

I probably should be, but I'm really not. Not one bit. Even though I know that birth also brings a newborn, which means you won't sleep a full night again for months (for some parents- years), I'm not scared about that part either.

I am completely excited.

I just want to meet my daughter, to hold her, to snuggle her sweet little baby self. After all of the uncertainty and confusion, the loss and the gain, the stress and the joy, I am so looking forward to that moment again. I just want to feel her in my arms and know that she has arrived, that she is healthy, that we are a family of four.

I think that's the first time I've said family of four. The first time I've realized that we actually are going to be a family of four. I grew up in a family of four and it was wonderful. In a few short weeks, we will be at that stage.

@Candy- Have you tried hypnobirthing techniques? I used hypnobabies tracks throughout my first pregnancy, and have used them again during this pregnancy. I don't do all of the techniques, but even just listening to some of their tracks before bed at night (like Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations) seemed to really help calm my nerves the first time around. They make it really easy just to retreat into yourself for a few moments and realize you are a strong, capable woman, and your body can do this!