Winter Story

December, 8, 18.00 hours

My wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours at the window
to watch huge, white snowflakes float from the sky. It was like
in a fairy tale. So romantic. We felt like

Newly Weds. I love snow.

December, 9

When we woke up, a huge, beautiful white layer of white snow
covered every centimetre of the country side. What a fantastic
sight! Is there a more beautiful place on earth? To move here was
the best idea we've ever had. Had shovelled snow the first time
in years and felt so invigorated. Shovelled the snow from our
driveway and from the sidewalk. The snowplough came this
afternoon and pushed the snow back onto our driveway and on our
sidewalk. I got the shovel out again. What a great life!

December,
12

The sun melted all that beautiful snow. What a disappointment. My
neighbour says, that I shouldn't worry, we will definitely have a
white Xmas. No snow at Xmas would be terrible.

Don says we'll have that much snow before the year ends, that
I'll wish to never see snow again. I don't think that's possible.
I love snow. Don is very nice - I'm glad he is our neighbour.

December, 14

Snow, beautiful snow! 30 cm last night. The temperature fell to
below 20. The frost makes everything glitter. The wind took my
breath away. But I quickly warmed up shovelling snow. What a
fantastic life! The snowplough was back this afternoon and pushed
everything back on. I didn't expect having to shuffle that much
snow. But this way I'll get back in shape. But I wish I wouldn't
cough and splutter that much.

December, 15

60 cm forecasted. Got rid of my station wagon and bought a 4wheel
drive. And winter tyres for my wife's car and two more shovels.
Stocked up the fridge. My wife wants a wood burner, in case of
power failure. That's ridiculous - afterall, this isn't Alaska.

December, 16

A blizzard this morning. As I was salting my driveway I fell on
my arse. The pain was excruciating. My wife laughed for an hour.
I thought that was totally uncalled for.

December, 17

Still well below zero. The streets are too icy to get to
anywhere. The power was gone for 5 hours. Had to wrap myself up
in blankets not to die. No TV. Nothing else to do but to stare at
my wife trying to unnerve her. Maybe we should have bought a wood
burner, but I would never admit to that. I hate it when she's
right! And I'd hate to freeze to death in my own living room!

December, 20

The power is back on, but another 40cm of this damn stuff last
night! More shovelling. Took all day. The fucking snowplough was
back twice. Tried to lure the kids in our street to shovel for
me. But they said they had no time, 'cause they were playing ice
hockey. Lying prats! Wanted to buy a snowblower at the hardware
store. They were sold out. Won't get'm back in to March. Fuck'n
liars!

Don says, I have to shovel or the council will do it and send me
the bill for it. He too is a stinking liar!

December, 22

Don was right about white Xmas, as we got another 30cm of this
white stuff last night, and it's that cold it won't melt to
August.

It took 45 minutes to get my shovelling gear on. When I was
dressed, I had to piss. After I took the gear back off, had a
piss, got dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
employ Don who owns a snowblower to get rid off the snow for me,
but he said he's too busy.

The fucking wanker is lying his ass off.

December, 23

Only 10cm of snow, today. And it warmed up to zero degrees. My
wife wanted me to decorate the house. Is she fucked in the head?
I don't have time - Have to SHOVEL!!!!!

Why didn't she ask me a month ago? She says she had, but I
believe she's lying.

December, 24

20cm. The snowplough pushed the snow back that tight, the shovel
broke. Felt a heart attack coming on. If I ever catch the bastard
who drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the snow by
his balls. I know very well, he's just hiding behind the corner
waiting to I've finished shovelling. And then he tears along the
street to throw tons of the stuff back onto the spot where I'd
just shovelled. Tonight I wanted to sing Xmas songs with my wife
and unwrap presents, but I don't have time. Have to look out for
the snowplough.

December, 25

Merry Xmas! 60cm more of the !@#$%! Snowed in. The thought of
shovelling gets my blood boiling. God, I hate snow! Then came the
snowplough driver to collect for charity. I worked him over with
the snow shovel. My wife says I need anger management. She's a
fuck'n moron. If I ever have to listen to Bing Crosby singing
Xmas songs again, I'll kill her.

December, 26

Still snowed in. Why on god's earth did we move here? It was HER
idea. She reminds me more and more of her hideous mother…

December, 27

The temperature fell to below 30 and the water pipes are frozen.

December, 28

It has warmed up to -5. Still snowed in. My moronic wife is
driving me up the wall!!!

December, 29

A further 30cm. Don says, I should shovel the snow off the roof,
or it will cave in. Must be the most ridiculous thing I've ever
heard. How stupid does he think I am?

December, 30

Roof caved in. The snowplough driver is sueing me for 50,000. My
wife moved in with her mother. 25 more cm forecasted.

December, 31

Set fire to the rest of the house. No more shovelling ever again.

January, 8

I am well. I like those little pills they keep giving me … why am
I tied to this bed?