futility

I understand that this is actually quite ironic isn’t it? My first post, essentially being the birth of something new, being focused on the morbid topic of futility. More specifically the futility of existence… something I find, not to my enjoyment, to be on my mind quite often.

I also understand that this is a part of life, is it not? Maybe it’s that obligatory stage of ‘angst’ in life we have to go through, you know the whole “nothing matters, everything sucks.” spiel. But I thought that was something set aside exclusively for rebellious teenagers… how is anyone meant to survive off such an attitude? Will it simply pass? It must pass, after all the world is filled with productive, functioning people… or maybe they’re just better at hiding it? Are they hiding it? I’m asking you, as personally I don’t f****** know.

But why do we feel like this anyway? Why would anyone feel such a way? “There’s children out there dying you know.” Yes, I do know; but that’s the thing about feelings, they don’t discriminate. Feelings are not subject to circumstance. Outlook not circumstance, after all.

All that aside, I guess this whole “outlook” on life breeds creativity? That scary thought of meaninglessness, does it drive us to create? To maybe find that meaning? Is that what artists live off of? Some say it’s passion, but maybe it’s fear? Art also possesses that ability to spark joy, interest, hope… some things I find to be quite rare nowadays; more evidence that its creation came from a fearful place, an attempt to quell that disturbance maybe? Art also possesses that ability to foster this feeling. Mope with meaning?

And what if you don’t find that meaning you’re looking for? What then? But what if not, is that what drives our mental instabilities? Is that where some find drugs? Or is that what all these societal markers (get a job, get married, be happy) are set in place for? For that stability.

Is this all a way of creating consistency, or rather that illusion of it? In the end, is it all about stability? All these open ended questions…