And if you're giving cake as a gift, which I often do, then great! In lieu of a gift of similar value, I'll give you whatever flavour you'd like. And I'd ask for my favourite in that case as well.

But all of the other gifts will be for the exclusive use of the birthday boy/girl - the cake is for sharing at the party, and especially at as small a party as this, it seems ungracious that s/he should insist on a flavour that they know one of the guests doesn't like, and especially ask to be baked by the guest who doesn't like it.

CakeEater (oh the irony of that name in this thread!) has mostly articulated what I had tried to ask earlier. That it seems ungracious to ask for a flavor that 1 of only 4 people doesn't like, especially since the one who dislikes is the one purchasing. However, I think the part creating the doubt is that while the cake was for sharing, it was also intended/interpreted as a gift, which I think we agree, that as a gift, the cake should be the chosen flavor.

I would not call Adam picky about cake, but more that local groceries only have a few staples. There's usually chocolate, vanilla, German chocolate, coconut, carrot and red velvet. No one likes German chocolate and half don't like the cream cheese frosting on carrot/red velvet. Vanilla is painfully boring/bland, even if there's coconut on it. I'm not sure why, but vanilla seems to be a drier cake than others around here. Which is why Adam tried to open the door to pie options, because he enjoys a few cream pies and even several fruit pies.

But just opening the door to cake mixes, Adam likes spice, orange, and strawberry, all of which are perfectly fine flavors for all 4 people involved. When Adam would make his own cake, usually it'd just be a box mix in a 9x13 pan with no frosting, so you know.. not the pinnacle of difficulty here. The last couple of years, he's been playing around with tiers and icing, but he's still perfectly happy with a plain, non-frosted cake. I think it somewhat bugs Adam that while Jackie is capable of baking a cake and has done so many times, that she wouldn't/couldn't do so now, because then there wouldn't have been an issue. Orange cake (or whatever) would have been perfectly fine.

And for those looking for clarification if there was cake; No, ultimately there was no cake produced. There's a seasonal cake that shows up over the summer, a plain cake with buttercream frosting and glazed strawberries on top. Adam suggested that one, if it was available, but knew that it might not be, Jackie would just have to check the grocery. He had assumed that she would tell him if it was not available and start this mess again, but she did not and no cake ever came. So, he doesn't know if there wasn't a cake available so she decided to do nothing or if she just completely flaked on it. There's a faint sliver of chance that perhaps a cake will appear when his preordered item/gift arrives sometime this month, but he's not holding his breath over the cake OR the item, because he's realizing that Jackie is apparently one of those "it's the thought that counts" people, where they say things, but don't necessarily follow through with doing them.

...he's realizing that Jackie is apparently one of those "it's the thought that counts" people, where they say things, but don't necessarily follow through with doing them.

Which in and of itself is bad enough, because Adam had his hopes up for a small celebration and cake and was let down. What's worse is that my understanding from this thread is that were it not for Jackie's suggestion, Adam would have baked himself a chocolate cake. But because he was told she'd be providing one, he forwent baking his own cake. So now, he's even sadder because her broken promises robbed him of making something for himself that he wanted.

And if you're giving cake as a gift, which I often do, then great! In lieu of a gift of similar value, I'll give you whatever flavour you'd like. And I'd ask for my favourite in that case as well.

But all of the other gifts will be for the exclusive use of the birthday boy/girl - the cake is for sharing at the party, and especially at as small a party as this, it seems ungracious that s/he should insist on a flavour that they know one of the guests doesn't like, and especially ask to be baked by the guest who doesn't like it.

CakeEater (oh the irony of that name in this thread!) has mostly articulated what I had tried to ask earlier. That it seems ungracious to ask for a flavor that 1 of only 4 people doesn't like, especially since the one who dislikes is the one purchasing. However, I think the part creating the doubt is that while the cake was for sharing, it was also intended/interpreted as a gift, which I think we agree, that as a gift, the cake should be the chosen flavor.

And for those looking for clarification if there was cake; No, ultimately there was no cake produced. There's a seasonal cake that shows up over the summer, a plain cake with buttercream frosting and glazed strawberries on top. Adam suggested that one, if it was available, but knew that it might not be, Jackie would just have to check the grocery. He had assumed that she would tell him if it was not available and start this mess again, but she did not and no cake ever came. So, he doesn't know if there wasn't a cake available so she decided to do nothing or if she just completely flaked on it. There's a faint sliver of chance that perhaps a cake will appear when his preordered item/gift arrives sometime this month, but he's not holding his breath over the cake OR the item, because he's realizing that Jackie is apparently one of those "it's the thought that counts" people, where they say things, but don't necessarily follow through with doing them.

I noticed the irony myself!

I definitely don't think jackie was in the right in this case - she is completely in the wrong. I was more talking general principles than this particular situation.

I hope Adam went and bought himself delicious cake and enjoyed every crumb!

Put me firmly in the "My Birthday/My Cake" camp. This is the one day of the year when you should get exactly what you want. I don't care what other people think, I want the lemon cake that my BFF makes. Unfortunately, everyone else also loves it, so leftovers are non-existent. I can tell you, I would not be Happy(TM) if I showed up to a birthday party in my honor to find either a carrot cake or german chocolate cake.

I just saw this thread and wanted to add something to it that is happening in my family right now. I have a birthday coming up - a significant one. My DH has announced that because I always bake the cakes in our family, that this time he is in charge of the cake. Then we discussed flavors. I like different flavors and my husband and kids don't - they like chocolate or white cake with chocolate or vanilla frosting. So, we discussed what flavors we could do that I'd enjoy, because it is my birthday. I don't know what he's going to do in the end - that part will be a surprise, but I know he was discussing it with oru friend the baker, so my cake will be something I like. And the fact that it is going to be something that I like and I'm not in charge of doing anything for it except eating it, makes it the most amazing cake I could be getting for my birthday.

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"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

I bake for nearly everyone and everything, but I draw the line on my birthday. My wonderful DH bakes early in the morning, so I can take a slice to my boss (we have the same birthday). This year was vanilla cake with raspberry cream filling and frosting.

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ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."-J.R.R Tolkien

ITA that the birthday boy/girl should get to choose, but I think quite often it doesn't work out that way.

Two years ago on my birthday my husband's aunt contacted me and asked what kind of cake I wanted for my birthday celebration. I reminded her that I don't like most cake, but that I would be super happy with a cheesecake, a pie, a fruit tart, or an ice cream cake.

What did I get? A chocolate cake. Along with the explanation that husband's aunt's family didn't like any of my suggestions so they got the kind of cake they wanted. I took a piece to be polite but couldn't eat more than a bite or two (I just really. don't. like. cake). I wouldn't have been so annoyed if they'd just shown up with a chocolate cake, but the fact that I'd been asked and then my preference was disregarded really irritated me.

That is almost like saying your birthday is an excuse for them to have what they want. Completely thoughtless toward the celebratee.

Especially given the fact that the guest of honor gave them many things to choose from. I could see overruling the guest of honor if he or she absolutely insisted on one certain thing and it was a thing most people didn't like or were allergic to. Even though it's the guest of honor, in that case I would say it's special snowflake behavior.

But surely, when the guest of honor offers that many alternatives with which he or she would be very happy, not even in the sense of "settling" or "compromising" but in the sense of really being happy with it, surely the people hosting the party could choose one of them that would please everybody. There is no reason at all to serve something the guest of honor actively dislikes, IHMO.

I would also like to add that cupcake specialty shops are available widely in the US, and have many flavors to choose from, so if the birthday person picked a specific flavor, it would be easy and in the same price range of a grocery or bakery cake to buy the cupcake in the chosen flavor then others for the other guests or none at all.

Our department has someone volunteer to get cupcakes in the chosen flavor when someone has a birthday, and just one.

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ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."-J.R.R Tolkien

Several years ago, we were on vacation on the east coast at the same time as my mother's younger sister, her husband, their three kids, and ALL the grandkids were going to be in the same area.

We were invited for dinner.

Coincidentally, it was my birthday. We brought a cake that I liked (white cake with vanilla icing) out of the closest grocery store "bakery". There wasn't a piece left, due to the number of people there. I also got told that "you shouldn't have" (brought my own birthday cake) - but I joked about making sure that I had CAKE on my birthday - and everyone ate a piece. All 17 or 18 of us....(can't remember how many kids in one family - Cousin's wife might have been expecting or the youngest might have been born a year later).

My older DS loves those big chocolate chip cookies with icing on top. Every birthday, that's what he wants. I can't stand them, personally, but it doesn't matter. It's for him. I don't need the calories, anyway!

<sigh> I love those cakes. I really want one for my birthday cake, but I've never ended up with one. I rarely have a birthday cake, and they're usually a surprise so I don't get any input in what they are. I've mentioned that they're my favorite kind of cake a few times, and I hope one day someone will pick up the hint.

Yep, main problem here is asking an open ended question and then saying 'oh no, not that!' If she doesn't want to make Adam a chocolate cake, then she should say, "Would you rather vanilla or carrot?" or something. It's a huge peeve of mine when people will say something like 'what do you want to do' or 'what do you want for dinner' and then veto things at random.

Once my FIL said he would like to take me and DH to a broadway show for my birthday. I picked a play on broadway. He had really wanted to take me to see Gypsy and mentioned that more than once. I would have rather him said "I got you tickets to Gypsy for your birthday!"