Thursday, September 15, 2011

I have been preparing myself to write something with heart--something that I have not done in a long while. For the past couple of months, I have been trying to get a hold of my thoughts--thoughts that, prior to being laid out in written form, are flawless. Nothing but honesty and truth. I tried to sit in front of my laptop anticipating thoughts, words, something that would effortlessly run through my fingertips forming a decent entry, but to no avail. I start pressuring myself to write about anything. Just anything. I hate leaving the one thing that kept me sane for most of my college years, not even for awhile or so I thought. Now that I think about it, I was not ready. I was not ready at all. It was a difficult transition.

Backtrack last December 2010, I was pretty convinced that being independent is fused to my DNA. Independent in the general sense that I was happy, alone or not. I was and I was sure of it.

For the past couple of months, I have experienced happiness like never before and even I think that is an understatement. Sometimes, I think about how happy I am and I end up with a headache. I cannot, in any way, comprehend. And that, I believe is the beauty of happiness. Its mystery makes you crave for it even more. The more you crave for it, the more you feel it. Like fireworks in your chest. Not the gory one, kind of like the kid in Katy Perry's music video. You can never put happiness into words, or thoughts for that matter--this is something that I am going to tell my grand kids, that is for sure.

The transition I am talking about is one that I did not expect at all. Not because I did not want to, not because I did not deserve it, not because I was not ready. It was because I never, for the life of me, knew that this feeling existed. It is so strong--full of love and even beyond that (again, this is an understatement). I have never opened up to someone and allow that person to know me backwards and forward. I did those so easily not because I hand out trust like a piece of paper. But it was because it was just... so easy. So effortless. And more importantly, just right.