Why I’m Not Piercing My Daughter’s Ears

October 17, 2018

As soon as I turned eighteen, I went straight to the tattoo parlor and got my first tattoo. I spent three and a half bloody hours resting on a chair while the tattoo needle pricked my skin fifty to three thousand times per minute (yeah, think about that). Do I regret my first tattoo? No. In fact, it is my favorite tattoo, despite the fact that it is on my shoulder blade, and I forget it is even there. I simply wanted a tattoo because my mother always told me I wasn’t allowed to ever get one.

So, I took several months to make a major life decision. I told myself, “Maybe my parents won’t be so mad if I get something dedicated to them.” When I got my tattoo, I avoided my mother until the pain subsided, and I could finally walk around her without aching in pain. I think I showed my parents my tattoo three days after the redness and swelling went down. My step-dad saw it first, and he loved it, but he said (and I’ll never forget it), “Well, good luck telling your mom.”

Since then, I have acquired several more tattoos. I have seven tattoos, of which three I plan to modify. I also have three body piercings. So yes, I do have my ears pierced, but guess what? It does not mean I will get my daughter’s ears pierced. Yeah, do I think my daughter would look adorable with little diamond studs in her ears? Yes. Do I think it would get people to stop mistaking her for a boy? Maybe. Regardless, I am not shoving jewelry through my infant’s ears.

When I told my mother I was expecting a girl, she said, “You need to make sure you pierce her ears when she is little so it hurts her less.” Mother, how do you know if it will hurt her less if she is little? If anything, it will hurt her more because her skin is fragile, and she has no clue what is happening to her body. I didn’t think too much about it then, but I simply said, “We’ll see,” but she was rather shocked.

“Please tell me you are because I got your ears pierced right away, and you were fine. You have piercings now, too, so you do like them.” I just rolled my eyes, and I honestly told her it did not cross my mind because it was not a priority. Jade is three months now, and I do not plan to get her ears pierced, period. My body modifications were my decision (except my ears, of course) and no one else’s.

They say the bond you have with your son is always going to be different when you have a daughter, and I agree one-hundred percent. After having my daughter, I’ve become very protective of her. I strive to be the best role model, parent, and friend to her. I want her to feel comfortable with me so I never want to make certain decisions that should be left up to her. I think only she can decide what she wants to do with her body; it is not my decision.

This is annoying to explain to people because people respond by saying, “They are just ears. She is not getting her face pierced.” Okay, and what is the difference, really? Her ears are her ears. They are on her body. When she is older and brings up the question of getting her ears pierced (or anything else for that matter), I will sit down and have a conversation with her. I will not disregard her curiosity. I will treat her like a mature individual at whatever age she is at the time and properly educate her; I will tell her what to expect about the procedure and any potential consequences. If she wishes to proceed then I will gladly take her to a piercing parlor.

I am not against her getting her ears pierced. This is not what this blog post is about. My daughter owns her body, and I should not make any modifications to her body without her proper consent. I want to raise her with the power to love and embrace her body for what it is, and if she chooses to make changes, she can have the conversation with me and we’ll go from there.

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I’m a working millennial mother from Jersey who aspires to be a helpful resource to many other parents. My hope is to one day be a stay-at-home mother full-time. I have a blonde-haired two year old boy named Drew who is the mini-version of my significant other but is a momma’s boy no doubt. I also have a three month old little girl named Jade. I’m a breastfeeding advocate, DIY addict with an occasional need to binge watch the cooking channel but by no means am I the cook in my family.