Thursday, February 17, 2011

Taking It In

At 1:44 PM on Friday, February 17, 2006, my world changed forever with a 7 pound, 2 ounce baby boy. A baby boy who is now FIVE. Who has a snaggletooth smile and is tall and skinny and who looks so handsome with some product in his hair. But he won't let me say that he's handsome. He just wants to be a regular boy. He is anything but a regular boy.

I have not been able to find the words to describe my emotions this week. I feel like I'm on a ride that is getting faster and faster and I'm hanging on for dear life, begging it to reverse. Take me back to Baylor Grapevine Hospital and let me hold my baby boy again. Take me back to Gymboree for his first birthday party. Take me back to Halloween when he wore the vintage golfer costume. This is what my heart says.

My mind says that every year with Jackson has been better than the year before. My mind says age four was great and age five is going to be a blast. My mind says to embrace the present and the future with Jackson and enjoy the toddler I still have in Annabeth.

You may have noticed that my thoughts about Jackson have become more private in the last year. I think that's probably a good and normal thing. I feel more protective of his privacy since he'll enter school soon. He's getting older and one day he'll realize his mother has been writing very detailed descriptions of our lives on the world wide web for all to see. Eek!

These days, when I have something wonderful to say about Jackson, the first thing I do is not run to the blog. I tell him! It is edifying to both of us. My parents taught me though their actions that if you think something great about someone, you should say it. We are definitely "words of affirmation" people.

Yesterday after I picked Jackson up from school, we sat at the table and had a snack. I asked Jackson if he was sad about something and he actually told me what it was. We had a whole conversation about one of his friends leaving school early and how bummed he was about it. I couldn't believe that he opened up to me like that. All that to say, our communication is growing by leaps and bounds. It's beautiful and so much fun. So if I'm communicating less here, it's because I'm using up some of my words with this guy.

20 comments:

Happy Birthday, Jackson! Hope you guys have a great weekend :) I feel exactly the same way you do with my littles growing up. My son will be 4 in June, and my baby girl just turned 1 - this feels like a year of changes. I'm going on my first mission trip to Peru in August, and I'll be 30 in September! Aaghh :) The only thing I know how to do is fall on my knees and PRAISE GOD! It overwhelms me to think how much God must love us when my human heart wants to explode with love for my own children! Thanks for sharing your life with us - it always makes me smile.

Oh Amanda....I respect and love your decision so very much! These kids grow so quickly and with each year they actually need more of us and not less....others will tell you differently but I disagree. I think our time may look different with them, but they need us to talk more, love more, show them the way more. It requires more depth and intention and I say keep it private and focus on life WITH him.

You are a wonderful momma and you have one handsome son. You are raising Him well.

Happy Birthday, Jackson! It's hard to believe that he's 5, wow! I love that you're not sharing everything without talking to him, he'll thank you someday. Knowing that he can talk to you about something and you won't blog about it, may keep the communication lines wide open!

My girls are l1 and 14. And I've actually started asking them if I can post certain things - making sure they won't be embarrassed or humiliated in any way. This includes photos. Sometimes if I write an article about an experience or something they've gone through - I'll even wait months afterwards to post it - so that they are not only protected...but their friends. So that no one can pinpoint the exact situation or circumstance.

I found that my sharing about the kids on my blog has grown more "generic" in nature as they get older. I'll share about a "situation" with "one of our kids" and how we handled it (or messed it up, lol). But I don't ever want my kids to feel anything but proud that their mom is a writer. I've actually even begun asking the permission of the 3 older ones if I want to use a story that invovles them when I'm speaking to a group.

Oh mama...I am SO right there with you. My big girl is days away from 5...."bittersweet" does not seem adequate enough of a word to describe the feelings I'm having. Happy Birthday to your Jackson...he IS a handsome guy!

What a wonderful post Amanda, I hope this doesnt sound condescending but you have matured so much as a mom over the past 5 years. It is so sweet to read your words and see the photos and look at the great ways that all of you have grown. I know your Mom is so proud. I love what you said about sharing your words with Jackson, I wish I had been that smart with my own when they were his age. Good Job!!

Happy Happy Birthday Jackson! I loved seeing you in your mama's arms. How sweet and happy you look. Your family sure does love you! And we, your extended family through Christ, are proud to see you grow up. I pray that this "whole hand" mile stone is remember with so much JOY!

Keep on being the wonderful big brother and friend that you are ~ the great cloud of witness is cheering you on! I, like others, pray you grow in the grace and knowledge our Lord, Jesus Christ. I'm also praying Luke 2:52 for my boys (6,4,1) and I lift it as a prayer over you tonight too!

blessings,rachel

p.s. Amanda, your hair really rocks, girl! And I too have found blogging has slowed WAAAAY down with my growing kids. So much of life happening, I don't want to miss it! So I absolutely understand and support that! xoxo

My baby boy is just a bit older than yours (he was born 1/1/06) and I really relate to your words about Jackson. Whenever I ask for a kiss nowadays, My little guy says, "Okay, but not on the lips". Love flows from this mama's heart knowing that I am raising a prince among others, such as your sweet Jackson. Happy birthday to you both!! Heather

I promise, Amanda, it just gets better and better. I am so enjoying my kids at 15 and 13 (boy and girl) that I can't even describe it. I don't long for the days when they were little because I love this stage so much. No one ever told me how wonderful it would be to have teenagers!! Enjoy every day!

How wonderful! I'm glad you are! I wish more people did that with me! My parents mostly used their words to tell people when everything they were doing was wrong, which with me apparently was alway!!!! Keep telling him how great he is!

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