I have combined choice Girl Land quotes with cat photos here to both illustrate the ridiculousness that is this book and to keep you from having to read it yourself. Plus, everything—even rage-inducing Flanaganisms—is easier to handle when accompanied by a cat photo.

Sometimes a simple acknowledgment of douchery just isn't enough.
Sometimes you have to step back and marvel at how consistent, how
dedicated, how impressively shameless a person's commitment to being a
total asshole is. And that's why Bitch has decided it's time to start
recognizing those individuals as the All-Star douchebags they are.
Practically, it just makes sense: We plan to be awarding Douchebag
Decrees for many years to come, and there are some people it would just
be easier to mention once, acknowledging that not only have they
already amassed an impressive body of douchebaggery, they will surely
keep it up for the foreseeable future.

It's in this spirit
that we give a nod today to the lifetime douchechievements of Mrs.
Caitlin Flanagan: author, columnist, wife, mother, professional scold,
and 24-karat-gold douchebag.