Saturday, 17 September 2011

Internet, why do you hate me?

I've still got remenants of the flu. My nose isn't so runny anymore, but my joints still ache slightly. I managed into work today. I wasn't feeling 100%, but I think getting out of the house helped. It's not like stacking shelves is particularly strenuous, anyway.

I didn't make it into college yesterday, though. And on top of that, the internet broke again, so I couldn't email my lecturers. I suppose it doesn't really matter, since they'll be able to work out what happened, but I don't like being so unprofessional. I also don't feel right having borrowed A's CD for so long. When we were texting each other yesterday she said not to worry about it, but I can't help but feel I'm not trying hard enough. I've missed a good few days of course work too. I'm sure I'll be able to catch up, but something feels wrong. Like I'm disobeying the system or something. I don't know, maybe I'm too focussed on trying to fit in. It's just that I had this plan in my head. I would start college, pretend to be normal so I could go unnoticed, and make sure I went to every single class so I wouldn't need help.

Hopefully Doctor Who will cheer me up. I loved the whole of the first part of the series, even if the Silence were a little ... sinister. (I wonder if Steven Moffat has had any exposure to Mr. Tall, even just on a subconscious level.) I liked the opening for the second half, but the rest of the episodes so far haven't really met my expectations. Maybe this one will be a little more impressive. I hear David Walliams is going to be in it. I like David Walliams. I haven't seen a lot of his stuff, but I admire him as a person. He actually contributes actively to society, rather than just passively. I wish more people were like that. Maybe it's a combination of apathy and laziness that means essentially "good" people don't do more to change the things that bother them.

I wonder if I have an excuse. Maybe when I'm older I'll have learned more about how to interact with people. Right now I just want to keep my head down and not attract attention. To tell you the truth, I'm still not sure quite how my brain works, and how different it is to the way other people see things. I suppose I could ask my Mum, but I don't want to cause her any more worried. She's already stressed as it is, what with her workload increasing, and I think she worries about how I cope with college. When I told her about my new friends, even though she was saying lots of positive things, she had a look somewhere behind her eyes that she wasn't completely at ease. Dad doesn't seem to pick up on it like I do, but he knows she's stressed and he's been doing his best to let her relax.

On an unrelated subject, he knows about my blog now. He hasn't had a look at it (thank goodness!) and as far as I know he hasn't told Mum about it. I had a conversation with him yesterday while Mum was at work. I could give you the gist of what it was about, but my brain hurts a little and I'm watching the time, so I think a transcript will be simpler:

Me (shouting croaking at the router): "Why won't you work? I need internet!"
Dad (coming over): "What's the problem?"
Me: "The internet's down and it's not coming back. I need to email my lecturers to let them know I won't be in."
Dad: "Why don't you just text one of your friends and ask them to tell the lecturers?"
Me: *glares*
Dad: "Okay, okay. I know you're not an idiot."
Me: *goes into huff mode* "You act like it sometimes."
Dad: *hugs me* "You know I don't mean to upset you." -beat- "I heard you typing the other night. Are you writing another story?"
Me: "No."
Dad: "What, then?"
Me: "I've started a blog."
Dad (looking slightly confused): "As in one of those online diary things where you talk about what's going on in your life?"
Me: "Yep."
Dad: "Why?"
Me: "I started a month or two ago, before I started college. I was already following a few of them and I thought it would be a good idea to practice talking about myself before I had to introduce myself to new people."
Dad: "So you've been talking to strangers then?"
Me: "Relax. I make sure I don't include any personal information. I haven't even told them my real second name."
Dad: "And you're sure nobody can track you down?"
Me: "Positive."
Dad: "Good. Have you actually talked to anyone?"
Me: "Just a few people. And not very often."

[This is where I took a break to watch Doctor Who. I was impressed. And I'm glad they mentioned the Nimon. But might talk about that later. Afterwards I got caught up in family stuff. (Just normal things like conversation and "Aren't you going to watch Confidential?", so no need to worry.)]

But the rest of the conversation was pretty much me reassuring him that nobody knows who I am, where I am, where I might be etc.. And he was amused when he asked me what I'd said my second name was, and I told him "Gordon".

Oh and by the way, I just thought I'd let you know that the transcript won't be completely accurate because it's from memory, and I've even changed a few details for security's sake.

[Urgh. Got distracted by a new game. Maybe I'll just call it a night. Bad things happened the last time I stayed up late blogging.]