Monday, November 21

the 32 rules of thanksgiving touch football

1. If you have a healthy relationship with your family and speak to them all the time, you're playing touch. If you see your family only once a year, it's tackle.

9. Two completions is a first down. Not as simple as it sounds—just ask the 2011 Indianapolis Colts.

17. No show-off football lingo. No screaming "trips left" or "zone blitz." Uncle Dale doesn't want to play the "nickel package." He wants to get this stupid game over with, have a vodka and stand in the kitchen eating stuffing with his hands.