Lego Wants to Irreversibly Traumatize Your Kids

Pixar's Toy Story 3 continues the studio's tradition of masterful storytelling with compelling characters and infusing them with soul-crushing life truths. Although expertly written, the story contains some very grim themes like loss, heartbreak, and, yes, mortality. And credit the deft hand of the animators who can accurately depict a plastic doll's acceptance of its unavoidable demise that would make a grizzled war veteran crumble to the movie theater's floor.

Spoilers ahead.

Through a chain of events, Woody, Buzz, and the rest of the Toy Story crew become trapped in a garbage dump's trash compactor. They manage to avoid various forms of peril, but end up on a trip to the incinerator with just one hope of survival. Unfortunately, the savior Lotso is a villain at heart and double crosses the group, allowing them to fall to their eventual deaths.

Wait. It gets better.

The toys struggle in an avalanche of garbage toward a swirling vortex of flames -- great representation of Hell, by the way. But as they realize there's no fighting the garbage flow, a calm -- almost serene -- look appears on each face. A recognition that all of us, made by Mattel or not, must face an end. They feebly join hands and allow themselves to be carried toward a fiery doom.

Complete with the caption "Woody and Hamm are about to to meet a fiery fate!" Lego is offering your sobbing children a chance to relive the saddest moment in their young lives. The company also adds trauma by including guesswork in the description: "Woody and Hamm are in some trouble! Lotso is up to no good, and Woody and Hamm find themselves in a precarious position trapped on a conveyor belt. What does fate have in store for them?"

For your kids, years of negotiating therapy coverage and torturing small animals, perhaps?