Friday, September 27, 2013

Improve your parenting skills VI - Tips for widowed mother

Parenting is a very challenging job, especially being a
mother. If you are widowed mother who is bringing up children without support
of their father, parenting can be tight rope walk for you, with monkeys
scrambling up your shoulders. Dealing with your own loss, grief and loneliness;
you have to pick yourself up for the sake of your children. They are dealing
with the void left behind by their father, which makes them feel vulnerable and
insecure. You have to manage home and fulfill duties of both the parents. No
matter how deep in trouble you are, life has to move on with all its ups and
downs. Here are 10 tips that would provide some relief and help you deal with your
traumatic situation in a better way.

10. You don’t have to
be alone

Remember those good times when your family and friends had joined you in
fun? Now it is time for them to share some part of your sorrow too, because
that is what families and friends are for. Do not hesitate to ask for support and help,
especially in the initial stages when you are still recovering from the shock.

9. Seek Counseling
help

Being unhappy and sad is not going to work out for any of
you. You along with your children will have to overcome the grief and continue
with your life. Seek counseling support and help for your family. The
professionals can guide your family towards emotional and financial stability.
Your religious community or social group can take place of the counselors.

8. Identify your
emotions

It is natural for as widowed mother for you to feel anger at
the loss of your loved one, frustrations at having to deal with life all alone
and desperation at not knowing how to handle the situation. Caught unawares in
a crisis it is natural for you to vent out your pent up emotions on children,
who are already feeling vulnerable. Though it is tough for you, identify your
emotions and keep check on them.

7. Get Connected with
Single Moms

No one understands your situation better than the women who
have been there and done that. Connect with other single moms and learn from
their life experiences. Discuss about remarriage and other options, because you
have your whole life ahead of you. Children are not always going to be there.

6. Consult your
children

At some point after the death of a family member, their
possessions have to be disposed off in a proper way. It is also important for
the proper closure of the situation. Do not make all the decisions on your own
without asking for the opinions of your children, because they may have
emotional attachments to few things. Moving ahead without considering their
emotions may build unwanted tension in your relationship.

5. Do not overwhelm
your children

Your loss and grief is unbearable, but it is not an excuse
to pour out to your children and overwhelm them with your own loss, emotions,
helplessness, anger or frustrations. You sure need an outlet. Find a friend,
relative, support group or a therapist to unburden your feelings.

4. Check your
financial situation

With the sudden demise of the spouse, there is going to be a
great financial turmoil in the family, especially if the husband was the only
bread earner. Check out your financial situation to understand how much
resources are at your disposal. If you have to, pull the strings of your purse
and stop spending on petty things. Explain to your children that conditions
have changed and everyone will have to make some adjustments.

3. Nurture your
children

Off course every mother, whether a widow or not will nurture
her children, but a widowed mother has the extra responsibility of taking part
of father and picking up the things he was doing for the children. If your son
enjoyed football sessions with his dad, or your girl went out for long walks
with her father, see to it they don’t miss it.

2. Concentrate on your
children’s studies

As a single parent it becomes your duty to see that the
children study well and get settled in a career of their choice. Do not neglect
their homework and make sure that their notes are up to date. If it is too much
of stress for you to handle their study time, then find someone to help you
out.

1. Grab that ‘ME’
time

Remember being a single parent does not make you superwoman.
Underneath all the responsibilities, duties and strength, you are still the
same woman who has lost her spouse. Take that much needed break and grab that
special personal time whenever possible. Do not neglect your own needs.
Occasionally, pamper yourself to feel special and cared for. Look for a life
beyond the confines of home and family.