Ya know somethin', Rap? Yer mouth is like a busted sewer pipe. It just don't stop gushin' the crap.

When the hell did I say I have never returned to Africa??? I been there on a few trips now and then, ya know, even checked out the old forest I came from on one trip, but didn't find much left of the way it was when I grew up there.

And now yer sayin' that leopards are an endangered species? Well, gee, what a shame! It'll be almost as bad as losin' the piranha fish to lose them leopards, won't it? Worse than losin' the mosquito! Look, buddy, if I had somethin' to do with puttin' them murderin' beasts in danger, that's just fine with me, see? I ain't sheddin' no tears about it, no sir! You mess with MY family, I mess with YOU!

I am startin' to lose patience with you, buster. Lemme put it this way. If Doctor Christian Barnard had lost as many of his patients as I am losing my patience with you, he'd have lost his damn license and probably have been charged with mass murder. You are pushin' yer luck, Bozo. Back off with these allegations about my relatives!

- Chongo

p.s. I ain't met Ballsworthy yet. I heard of him, though. If I do meet him, I am gonna fill him in on alla YOUR illicit activities real good, and yer gonna find yer ugly face plastered all over the craziest "news"paper in the UK under the headline:

Leopards are on the endangered list, and you have stated that you never returned to Africa. Which are we to believe? That you wantonly killed endangered species or that you lied in the first place? I'd also like to know if you've ever apologized to your mother and sister pimping them to Hector Ballsworthy.

You people make me sad sometimes. Here you are goin' on and on about a fictional "Mom" that is nothin' but a long-runnin' conversation on the Net. Meanwhile, I am still mournin' my real Mom who was deceased many years ago, way back before I left the Old Country (West Africa). She got ate by a damn leopard! After I learned the use of guns, I found that leopard and I shot the bastard, cut out his heart and liver, and ate them! And I shot more than a few of his relatives too over the next coupla years, put a major dent in the leopard population in that area. I see a leopard, that leopard is dead.

Rap and Amos been runnin' a false story about my Mom ever since I went into politics, tryin' to destroy my reputation. Pretty scummy behavior! They will be sorry someday.

Thanks a lot. Kicking this up one, but now I'm trying to spiraling my brain around the concept of Fibonacci thingies, which results in my thinking that a toaster divided by a bagel should equal a toaster and a bagel divided by a toaster. But the rest of it has numbers in it, so I figure I need to toast a bagel.

JUNE!!!???? Do you know what the Alaskan seas are like in June? Mountainous waves! Blowing sleet that covers everything with inches of ice! Temperatures well below zero, temperatures so cold that your breath freezes as you exhale! Snow that's meters deep on the top of the mainmast! Polar bears on giant icebergs waiting to ravage the ship's passengers! Flocks of rabid penguins rampaging in the streets of the State capitol!! You're going to Alaska in June???

Ebbie, I believe we do stop in Juneau somewhere around June 9 or 10. I was not planning to overlook the chance I might get to see you all, but it is still months away. I will send details soon as I know them for certain!! Tell KT, too!

Chongo should know. I'll ask him. He said he hopes that Amos does not get eaten by a Killer Whale or a Polar Bear on this trip to Alaska. He advises staying on the boat, not falling overboard, and avoiding wilderness areas. It's touching to see how concerned he is about Amos's welfare, considering all the slights he has had to endure from the San Diego Bard.

Whoa da bus MOM! So, I got the truck on defrost and I am naked and the doorbell rings. I hastily get new socks and tighty whiteies on and it rings again so I return to tee and PJs and answer the door. It's a jolly very fat man with a big silver beard and he's got a Kissmeass present for me. Screw Sandy Claws... buddy is bearing a bo'le a mooze from The Granite Planet!

Amos is making a lot of typos today, Chongo. I think that perhaps he is experiencing extreme remorse over the very insensitive things he said about you, and has taken to the bottle. I do hope he doesn't do anything rash.

As for Rap, well...rash acts are pretty much daily normality for him, so I'm not going to worry about it. He has survived thus far, I expect he'll make out okay. Librarians, after all, are tenacious creatures.

Man, I dropped by Chinga's place for a quick drink one night passing through Detroit City. You shoulda heard then names that started coming out of her mouth when Chongo was mentioned. They were the kind of words that even if he HAD been real he woulda wished he weren't. I strongly suggest, LH, that you do NTO imagine Congo or Conga or whatever is imaginary name is going into Detroit. She's likely to castrate him with his own front teet after she pulls them out of his head.

You mean like the mother and sister you deserted and forced into a Life Of Shame? The only time you ever assisted anyone was to boost a drunk's watch and wallet and, while you were at it, his pants. You did indeed help a homeless fella kill off his bottle of Thunderbird once, and widows seem to like you really well when you're nowhere around. And I've spoken with the Pope (Benny's a good friend of mine) and he assures me that you will not be canonized -- ever. Truth to be told, he's thinking of declaring you the Eighth Deadly Sin.

I'd say the same about you...but I'm way too nice to do that. Ook! Ook! ;-D Didja know that the Holy Sisters around here say real good things about me all the time, and speak of me as "a saint"? I am known far and wide for my selfless contributions to charity, my protectin' of the weak, my metin' out of dire punishments to the wicked and cruel, and all that kinda good stuff. The main reason I ain't been canonized, in fact, is cos I wrote the Pope a pre-emptive letter askin' not to be singled out in that fashion, cos I prefer just seein' the happy smiles on the faces of the widows and the homeless I have assisted, and I am way too modest to seek personal glory in public honors.

- Chongo

p.s. This is why Amos really hates me. He knows I'm just basically a lot nicer than him. Boy, does that ever stick in his craw!

I also let you keep callin' me "Chonga", Rap, coz I am merciful, and I know it makes you happy. I could squash you like a bug and wipe out all yer seed from the Earth for callin' me "Chonga", but I don't. I gotta be about the nicest deity one could possibly ask for.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning, if you wish. If you decide to answer any questions now, without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present?

Basil is a herb, right? And we all know about "herb." Lady, you're goin' down.

I plugged an oil radiator heater into a thermal plug out in the greenhouse. It has two sockets, so on the other one I plugged in the string of LED xmas lights that I put up last year. This way if it gets cold enough that the thermal plug turns on the heater I can tell because the lights will be on.

It isn't a gro-light glow, so I don't think the sheriff will stop by to see what I'm growing out there. (Basil, broccoli and onions.)

It's actually 12/12/2012,wise guy. It hasn't been 12/12/12 for two thousand years.

On the ACTUAL 12/12/12, the carpenter kiddy was hanging out and laying down licks on the fat cats at the money tables outside Temple. They got entirely jazzed up, and he told his Mom not to bug him on account he was doing it for Dad.

It was so cold this morning up in the hills that the elk hunters all came back. They'd shoot at an elk with a bow or a rifle and the arrow or bullet would freeze in its flight. Come Spring I think I'll wait for a couple of warm weeks before hiking around, because when the thaw hits it's gonna be like a shooting gallery up there.