This will be my last edition as Editor in Chief of the Dispatch, the time has come to pass the torch to the very committed editors of each section of the newsletter. From now on they will be collectively looking after the newsletter and everything that comes with it. Ever since i started this with gimil almost a year and a half ago, i've seen the newsletter grow from strength to strength and it's been great. I look forward to continue to watch the newsletter grow under the leadership of our dedicated team editors nagerous, natty_dread, laughingcavalier and Sir. Ricco. I also want to thank Gozar for inspiring me to start this newsletter and everyone who has contributed to the newsletter past, present and future, you are the reason the newsletter is still going.

We have a big issue for you, there is something for everyone. We have the results of the "Cook Contest" including the top three entries who feature in this issue of the Dispatch!

We had a hard time selecting winners from the flood of participants, but after some small hours of arguing and bickering, a pillow fight, and a few I Ching consultations, we managed to pick a winner and 2 runner-ups.

As a big surprise - since we had so many fine entries, we have decided to also award the whole top 3. Good luck to the winners!

Just a short edition of the Mess Hall for CC in another jam packed month of special events and updates. Updates this month have included the bolding of the neutral player and renovated army printing as well as a brand spanking new nuclear spoils medal. Then why is the Mess Hall so short this fortnight you ask with so much to write about? One of the main reasons is a lack of writers, so fancy joining the team, then follow the recruitment link posted by samuel above and apply for the freestyle team as we are currently recruiting! This edition, we have an article promoting the new strategy ad-hoc group written by yours truly, another tale from everyone's favourite and elf and an interrogation of jonesthecurl. Hope you enjoy it, I'm now off to get trashed before flying out to Amsterdam tomorrow and who knows what will happen there, hopefully I will be back alive and well on sunday.

Recently, for the second time in Conquer Club's history, an official ad-hoc group has been formed in the last few weeks with the ambition for how-to-play guides to be written on every map on Conquer Club. The group in it's first week has been popular already with guides have been started on many different maps across Conquer Club's spectrum from Discworld by alstergren to the Middle East by danryan. An added incentive for those writing the guides is that for every guide that is written, the author will receive a general contribution medal. Interested in writing a strategy guide on your favourite map or assisting those who have started writing them already? Simply, follow what is said in this announcement and send a PM to me nagerous with your credentials and I shall add you to the group. Many thanks!

Heya CC. Next month I’ll have been a member here for a year. Go me. Thought I would share some of the things I have learned:

Bite Me!

- CC can be very much like I remember Grade One to be. There is crying. Sometimes sobbing. There are days when you can’t remember how to tie your shoes, no matter how hard you try. If Mrs. Jones arbitrarily chooses Little Billy’s finger painted art work over yours, you want to stomp on Little Billy. Even though it isn’t his fault. Sometimes the other students will bite you… often for no discernible reason. And, there are days, when everyone just needs a nap... or just feel the joy of taking a shit in their pants. CC? Grade One? Often very similar.

Boom!!!

- If you stay here long enough you will watch others go through a “nuclear event” much like Chernobyl. (Or perhaps experience it yourself.) I just saw this happen a few weeks ago. A player that I’ve played with and against many times since I joined was sitting at Colonel. Had just won a game against other Fancy Hats and Hardware Carriers (read majors). Two days later he was at Corporal. A day later I get this PM from him: “Elf, jeez… uh… glick-gluk… click-click-click-click… ah… erm… eek, blick-bluk… ugh.” He is done. Cooked. Toast. Bet he won’t be back for awhile.

Thankfully my nuclear reactor hasn’t melted down yet. But I’ve gotta tell you, I ran the dials into the red a couple of times. But I’ve learned to avoid that by walking away for a bit. Now I just face a regular bout of CC-PMS. Cranky? Yes. Ballistic? Not yet… not yet…

Abra Cadabra

- You can witness some amazing feats of prestidigitation here at Conquer Club. Amazing. You’ll see the disappearance of players from time to time. KAZAAM!!!! Sometimes they are in a new clan called “Guests”. Other times they just fall off the face of the planet. You ~blink~ and they are gone. Amazing. And you’ll see the unbelievable in games. Where you end your turn all set up to ravage and pillage and you walk away thinking: “hells yes, next turn baby this is in the bag” and you come back to a different map. Your troops are gone. KAZAAM!!! Your territories and bonuses are gone. KAZAAM!!! KAZAAM!!! KAZAAM!!! Your chances are gone and all you see in the game chat from your enemy is this: “uh… yeah… good game… I guess my 7 stack did some amazing damage there… huh, huh (please don’t bite me.)”

I’ve never muttered the “f-word” more than I have in the last year. I’ve even made up some new swear words that sailors would blush at. All because of Magiks. Some days Criss Angel couldn’t hold a candle to CC.

~sigh~

Rants em Fratzen

- In the end? I will finish where I began this journey with my very first and unsolicited article so many months ago: this is a great place and wonderfully run. Perfect?!?! Pfft… give me a break. Very, very cool? Absolutely. Hats off to lack and the army of volunteers.

And if you disagree? Well you can just f… hmm… you can just take a nap... or poop in your pants. Whatever works for you.

Either works for me.

PMS-Elf.

p.s... now that my Premie is up... will someone buy me one?!?! Come on mate... its my anniversary!!! (heh)

Wassamatta, you blind? look at it and decide foir yourself. it's this one right here.

Q. What is your avatar all about? Still, since day 1, I can't make out what the Hell it's supposed to be.

Well, the handsome chappie in the background is yours truly. The slightly less handsome chappy between him and the camera is a cobra. As to why, well, I bet you're widhing you'd asked that instead.

Q. Who's harder to find: Carmen San Diego or Waldo?

Neither. A good cup of tea in the USA is harder than either of them.

Q. What is a curl and why are 'the' curl?

A curl is the mark of a vastly superior intellect, worthy of being, say, evil dictator of the entire world (if it weren't for thta interfering busybody GI Joe), ande "the" curl cos I'm THE curl. Clear enough, peasant?

Q. What are a few of your fondest memories in the Off Topics forum?

Telling Prowler what I used pictures of his family for. The day the longest thread thread became the longest thread. Jefjef putting me down by reminding me I'd ONCE agreed with him.

Q. What do sorts of things do you do outside of Conquer Club?

Lots of stuff. on a permanent basis, being Daddy is a very important part of my life, especially today (I'm answering this on Father's day). Food, and more cooking than eating, is very important. I'm always doing new stuff though - right now i'm trying to set up a business running murder mystery evenings, and at the end of July I do a short stand-up spot at the Gotham Club (do please come along - PM me for details)

Do you drink "Jones Soda"?

I'm not a huge soda drinker, but these are good. (No relation)

Q. If you were a simpsons character, which simpsons character would you be?

If it weren't for the age, the gender and the lack of saxaphone skills, I'd be Lisa. My family somehow tend to see me more as Homer though.

Q. What's your favourite .gif that pimpdave's posted on CC?Probabbly the exploding head. Or maybe the vomit ones. Or maybe the Jap with the bananas coming out of his nose.

Q. What is your favorite comic book? Who is your favorite comic book writer?

Difficult. There's so many. I'm gonna go with Larry Gonick for the writer, and the ancient and obscure "Trigan Empire" for the comic. Or maybe Will Eisner and Prince Valiant. Or Alan Moore and Invincible...I dunno.

Q. What is your favorite fiction book? How about non-fiction?

My all-time favourite fiction book has to be "The Cream of the Jest " by James Branch Cabell. Though it doesn't mean much if you haven't read some of his other stuff like "Jurgen", "The Silver Stallion", "The rivet in grandfather's neck". Actually, I've never read the last one, I just love the title.

Non-fiction, probably Larry Gonick's "Cartoon History of the Unitd States".

Q. Do you like living in the US?I do. The town where I live at the momet is my favourite ofall the places I've lived. There are parts of the US where I would not want to live though, especially anywhere without sidewalks.

Q. Let's just assume that you were Cobra Commander. If you could eliminate one member of the GI Joe team, who would it be and why?

He has a team with him? So that's how he does it. I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about...

Q. Who is your favorite professional comedian? Who is your favorite Conquer Club comedian?

All-time, Tommy Cooper, dead these many years. My favourie joke of is was where he goes to see a friend.

So I knocked on the door and his Mrs answered. I said, is Charlie there, she said no, I'm sorr he died last night. I said, oh. Before he went, did he say anything about a tin of paint?

Today, I dunno. Maybe Lewis Black? he makes me laugh a lot.

ON CC? Me.

Q. How is it being a Whale?I'm realy only half a whale. I'm a whale/cockle cross.

Q. Are you a Sperm Whale?

You wanna blow me?

Q.Why, being a Whale, are you living in the United States?

To go to school.

Q. Are you a big fan of The Cook?

How could I not be? incidentally, my kids gave me an apron for my birthday which reads "never trust a thin cook".

Q. You've been here for 2 years, but have played less than 500 games whats up with that?

I've played slightly more than that now. I travel farily often and don't always want to take a computer with me, so from time to time I stop playing for a while.

Q. Whose posts do you look forward to reading the most?

Lots of people. Some because I like them, some because they're funny, some because i know I'll disagree with them totally and thta'll afford me entertainment. Everybody except Phatscotty and jejef really.

Q. Are you afraid of the dark?I like the dark. It's good for hatching nefarious schemes in or so I hear.What I am irrationally scared of is heights. I get scared of eights on toher people's behalf if they aren't sensible enough to be scared for themselves.

Q. Any memorable games of CC you care to share?Not without going and looking up the game numbers. Some sem to pass without any memorable moments, others are intesnxse fun. I guess i enjoy it most when you win against the early odds.

Q. Why do people who have been with CC for longer than 5 mins always say the old days are better?

I remember when this was all fields. in my day we had to make our own dice, you know! Wassat, where was I? Oh es, cheese and pickle. Alzeimer's isn't what it used to be...

Q. Which is the best smiley?

The Suggs. The one you can take for walkies. Walkies!

Q. IF pizza could speak what would it tell you?More tomato please! (Actually that's what most food says to me. I have three cookbooks just on tomatoes...)

Q. Have you ever actually shot an elephant?Only with a camera. I have been on safari, but not the nasty sort.

Q. Feelings on wolves and loneliness?

Sometimes it's good to be alone. At least then you know you are the leader of the pack.

Q. Who has the best CC alias?i wish I'd thought of Lazarus Long. Or Taranwanderer.

Q. Do you like dogs? Would you let one stay inside most of the time? What do you think about people that dont like dogs?

I like dogs but spend too much time travelling to keep one. I have twice been bitten by dogs in the US (Look, here's the scars!) and I still like 'em. Especially broiled.

Q. Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?Not one as grown as I am.

Q. Who is Next?Apey?

Q. Have you every been under the influence while playing cc?

There's another way?

Q. On May 12, 2010 you publicly agreed with jefjef. How much has this damaged your reputation?How will you, if ever, be able to recover any credibility?

It was my birthday and I was drunk, possibly senile. So: lots, and I never will.

Q. Thanks for your time jones!

That'll be $50.

Once again, the tournament team is proud to bring you more articles on all the important Tournament news. "News From the Front" continues to update you on the TPA tournaments, discussions, and behind the scene information. Superkeener provides us with a past, present, and future look at the World Cup inspired tournaments. Get the full scoop on the recently awarded Tournament Special Contributions Medals.

Now Enlisting:Anarchy in the Hive [TPA] hosted by Jace22The tournament is very close to being full, probably is full by now. However, join Jace22 as he takes you on a fight for the control of a bee colony. This classic queen is dead plot, twist things up with placing your success entirely on your leader. He or she must survive, or your drive to the throne is halted.

LxDx Bartertown [TPA] hosted by LindaxLindax host his 28th tournament in the Lx Doubles Series. The name was inspired by the Mad Max sequel "Thunderdome" and the "founder" of the Tournament Players Association. This is a classic doubles sixteen player bracket; win to advance.

Field Reports:HA's Manual 64 [TPA] by HighlanderAttackWatch closely, becuase the tournament has reached the finals. Zivel, crbluth, killmanic, and HighlanderAttack battle it out to win the first TPA tournament. The game can be found here: Game 7150357

Musical Chairs: Eastern Hemisphere Tour [TPA] hosted by keiths31Four players, Bones2484, kratos644, Huntyr Green, and danryan, have become pool winners and will advance to the finals. Risky_Stud and killmanic fight to become the Asia Group pool winner. Three players still vie for the Indochina Group.

Interview:Interview with poptartpsycho18 on the 1st TPA majorProvided by amazzonyQ: Are you excited about being the first ever organizer to run a Major in the TPA?A: Yeah I'm stoked, but I feel like I have to set a standard and get as many people that I can so that it's truly what could be considered a "major" tournament.Q: Can you tell a few words about the upcoming tournament?A: It's going to be a regular ole assassin tourney, but the twist is that you can acquire an immunity that can end up putting you in the final and winning the game.Q: Are freemiums allowed to enter?A: I'll consider it, but because of the amount of games that are to be played at once, it's probably not the best thing to do to keep the tournament running at a good speed. They'd need to use every spot they have and keep them open and available the duration of their participation.Q: Finally, can you share this important fact to everybody who wants to join your creation - what time are you planning to post the tournament?A: I'll be posting the tournament a few minutes after midnight on June 21st. That means that it will be up and ready to take sign-ups right on that day.

Military Conference:Can freemiums play in the TPA? A summary of a recent TPA discussion provided by amazzonyAt the beginning of June, freemium player Davie.K came out with following question in the public TPA topic: "Is there likely to be a TPA event when us cheapskates can have a go?" Barterer2002 made a short conclusion about the first 5 TPA events which showed that 3 tournaments allowed freemiums to play, varying from 1 to 4 spots needed. He added that there are some that allow freemiums and some that based on the game load can not. "This is reflective of the way a cross section of CC would look I think," he added. Denominator summed it up: "That is the nature of being a freemium player on this site though. There are always going to be tournaments that require you to cough up the $25, and even if all the TPA tournaments were 1 game at a time, freemiums probably could not join them all because of the overlap."

Possible changes in the future? A summary of a recent TPA discussion provided by amazzonyOn June 8, ViperOverLord posted his vision of TPA to the topic (here). Keywords for Viper's suggestion would be standardizing (1v1 - mainly - and team games only, 1 set of settings) and in a small part exclusivity. His idea overall isn't a bad one and we can only hope that something new will grow out of it, because as sonicsteve said:"What barterer has introduced here is a fantastic and varied tournament event. What you are proposing is so fundamentally and radically different that the two can't really be compared."Barterer2002 explains once more his vision of TPA (whole post can be found in here):

The TPA is intended to be Organic and to change as wanted/needed. ....I've heard that we should have all the tournaments have a higher minimum number than currently allowed. I've heard that we should standardize the events into a more standard play. And I think that each of these suggestions have valid points behind them.....At this point however, that's not where the vision is. The vision here is to run for a year with 52 tournaments of a variety of types to represent the overall picture of CC tournaments. This means that all game play and such that that is used in tournaments should show up in tournaments in the TPA. This doesn't mean that any of the other suggestions are wrong but at this point I'd like to run through a year as things are currently.After the first year is over I'd like to re-visit the suggestions and see what can be improved but I would like to run through the first year and see how it works out too.

Conquer Club, along with the World, is currently celebrating the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. We have the addition of a Limited Edition 2010 World Cup Map and the numerous World Cup-Inspired tournaments being organized. Several of these tournaments have been completed, and many are still underway. Let’s take a closer look at the World Cup tournaments.The World Cup tournaments that have already been completed typically mimic the official format of the World Cup. 8 groups of 4 teams, each team playing once against the other 3 teams in their respective groups. Teams receive 3-points for a win, 1-point for a tie, 0-points for a loss. The 2 teams with the most points in each group advance to a 16-team Knockout-Stage, you lose you are out of the tournament, the World Cup champion will be the team that can survive 4 games without losing in the Knockout tournament.

The Past:Here is a look at a couple of past World Cup inspired tournaments that have been completed here on Conquer Club.

TO; World Cup 2010 - South AfricaThis is the multi-organizer which went beyond the World Cup’s final stage in South Africa, and incorporated all the qualifying regions involved with the World Cup (7 tournaments in total – 6 qualifying regions and 1 final tournament).The organizers who put in the time and effort to complete these tournaments were: MarVal, amazzony, jennifermarie, hulmey, spinwizard, and cena-rulesAfter the tournament was complete 1 team stood alone - Equatorial Guinea. That’s right Equatorial Guinea, represented by sportsdd2

World Cup 2010Forza AZ is still organizing a tournament that also features all the qualifying regions. Which is currently running the South American qualify stages, which will be the last tournament before the final tournament to find the World Cup winner of this tournament.

The Future:Conquer Club tournament organizers are addicted to creating tournaments inspired by World’s sport events. In 2014, when the World Cup returns to Brazil, Conquer Club organizers will be back to bring you new and great tournaments for you to represent your favorite countries and teams. Enjoy the remainder of the World Cup both on and off Conquer Club.

June 12th, 2010, amazzony and barterer2002 were awarded with a Special Contribution Medal. Our very own amazzony was awarded the medal “for the superior dedication in rescuing tournaments and contributing to many facets of Conquer Club Tournaments.”~Night Strike. Barterer2002 was awarded the medal “for the superior dedication in contributing to Conquer Club Tournaments.”~Night Strike.

Both have and do play an active role in the tournament department. Amazzony is the leader of the Tournament Organizers, has hosted 70 tournaments, been involved in many Multi-Organizer tournaments, and is the ‘Savior’ of the lost and abandoned tournaments. Barterer2002 holds the record for the most tournaments hosted (146) and is the Founder and Commissioner of the TPA.

“Both amazzony and barterer2002 were immediately considered for Special Contribution medals as soon as it was made known that us Department Leaders would be allowed to pass them out,” comments Night Strike, Tournament Department Leader and awarder of the medals. “They would have been the first from me, but with Gilligan leaving the Tournament Department at about the same time, I felt that it made the most sense to award him one first due to the extensive work on the Tournament Hall of Fame. Even though I had already planned to award them medals, their nomination was immediately suggested by the other Tournament Directors. Both have made excellent contributions by designing detailed and entertaining tournaments, putting together large multi-organizer events, rescuing tournaments, and generally contributing to the discussions (and disagreements) in the tournament forums. They are both excellent organizers who have chosen to make extensive contributions to Conquer Club tournaments even without the gold color.”

“Yes, I was very surprised. I never dared to imagine that I'll be worthy to be honored by it,” amazzony comments on getting the medal in an interview. The interview continues with asking her what was her greatest contribution to the Tournament Department. “It's a hard question to answer because I don't think I've done anything really great, just a bit here and there. If I have to pick something then I'd say my tournaments. By now I've ran around 60 tournaments that I've created and I always try to run them as well as possible and though it might not seem so - my aim has always been quality and not quantity.” And her favorite moments; “a kind word from a player, winning a tournament, declaring somebody I like a winner, seeing a nice tournament update (mass PMing pops to my mind first), receiving a Special Contribution Medal. After writing the list I just did I think I have to say that the last thing on the list makes me smile the most.” And about her work on rescuing tournaments; “I think my first rescue mission was actually one of the first ones on the site. It was a few years back when there were no policies or experience with it yet. I picked up a tournament that an organizer couldn't finish and the reason was that my team played in it so I did it for them. Perhaps at some point I did it because my own first tournament got an idea from abandoned tournaments and karma can be a b*tch so I wanted to balance things. At some point, I felt like needing a new challenge when running my own tournaments got a bit boring. And right now, I take it like a responsibility. Don't get me wrong - I'm having fun running them but at the same time I feel obliged because it's such a shame to let great or almost finished tournaments get abandoned.” Finally her work as leader of the Tournament Organizer usergroup and the effect of the Tournament Organizer usergroup on the Tournament Department; “I would like to believe that the effect has been positive because it's trying to unite as many active organizers as possible into one group where discussion can take place. Several things have been influenced and improved by the TO usergroup; like multi-organizer tournaments, TPA, and rescuing tournaments. My contribution has been small to the group. I've been leader of the group since October 2009 and during that time I've mainly worked on the basics of the group like creating guidelines, organizing the topics, cleaning/maintaining the member list and just being an active person. I guess my biggest work is involved with Tournament Coaching Project which is supposed to be a help for newer organizers and therefore help out Tournament Directors, improve the overall experience for players and the quality of tournaments.”

“Well I was actually surprised to get it,” said barterer2002 about the Medal. barterer2002 comments on what helped him get the medal, “I look at all the volunteers around CC and people that are doing a lot of things that I could never begin to do and think they are more deserving. I guess that doesn't really answer your question though. For me I suppose its consistency. I try to keep my tournaments as updated as possible-updating things weekly at the very least (my threads are always updated Saturday +/- one day unless I announce in advance I won't be around). I essentially just plug through them.” barterer2002, who holds the record for most tournaments hosted, had this to say about he achieving the feat. “Really it kind of just happened. I wanted to do a franchise, something that people could have fun with and that would be quick and fairly easy. Thus Championship Series was born and that's what carried me to the most tournaments.” Barterer2002 continues about the running of the tournaments, “They aren't hard to run. For me, the hardest part, the part that takes the most time, is creating the games for each round. Most of it though doesn't involve me; it involves the players playing the games. If I only have 1 or 2 a day to start another round of games on it’s not too hard to keep up.”

Hello all! The Foundry section has gone through a bit of a makeover. Firstly we have divided it into three portions: News, Maps and All The Other Stuff. Those are not the actual names, but decriptive enough. Secondly, the old Maps in development has been canceled, and replaced with 3 separate articles, which collectively form the Maps segment. We hope this way to be capable of even better Foundry reporting.

So, enjoy the all new Foundry section. All feedback for our changes will be most welcome.-nd

This map was constructed by our own Foundry Foreman, MrBenn, to celebrate the actual World Cup competition. It was part of an entertainment team contest for the community to guess what the next special event would be. Featuring combat over a bracket of teams from around the world, the medium-sized map was made the focus of an unexpected 48 hour holiday of unlimited speed games for freemiums. It is also featured in two official tournaments (already full). If you haven't had a chance to try it out, be quick, for this map will only be available until July 11th, when the actual World Cup comes to a finish.

Tune in. Tune on. Take over. As mentioned very briefly last edition, Woodboro has finally reached Beta testing. Evil Dimwit presents the CC community with another map of freewheeling fun. This time, he has created a cozy 50-territory map in which broadcasters battle for the ears of radioland listeners. The map features many subtle nuances- especially for a conquest map (i.e., mostly neutral territory)- such as no minimum +3 territory bonus and killer neutral broadcasting antennae. For those out there who like to keep the strategy simple, though, don't worry. It's pretty clear what a player needs to do: get an audience, get sponsors, and get your show on the air!

Central America Odyessy Ends With a QuenchBreaking news: Fast as lightning, Central America has met Foundry standard is now quenched! After an epic journey, it turns out that the Beta map and the final map were not so different, and CC finally has a map of this under-represented region available for battle Congratulations, Igoasklucyl & Oaktown!

Pearl Harbor Quenched... Again!And old and much-liked map by Cairnswk, Pearl Harbor has recently gone through some rather unusual changes. The original Pearl Harbor map was quenched quite some time ago, but after some complaints about the planes bonuses and 1v1 play, Cairns and the Foundry agreed to look into a revision. Once completed, however, the revision itself came under fire. In order to resolve the issue, the map was put to a poll and the result came in a roughly 3-to-2 ratio in favor of the old map. Now, the counter-revolution has finally taken place, and after much ado... Pearl Harbor is back in its original form. A heartfelt 'Thank you' to Cairns for his hard work on one of my personal favorites, and for his patience and attention in dealing with community concerns.

Kabs Quenches Second Map in Dawn of AgesMapmaker Kabanellas, author of the popular Third Crusade, now has two very different maps under his belt. Based upon the fantasy realm of Tolkein's Middle Earth, Dawn of Ages was actually started before Third Crusade- which is a testament to the ambitious gameplay of this map. Conquer dwarven holds, evil towers, human nations, pirate havens or elvish forests in the epic struggle of good versus evil. Certainly, Dawn of Ages is a worthy companion for CC's other sleek Tolkein-esque map, Midgard. Now CC players can enjoy high fantasy with simple or complex gameplay! Congratulations, Kabanellas

Foundry Awards nominationsNominations are being taken for the Foundry Awards. Suggest your favorite mapmaker for a nice award. Instructions can be found in this thread.

Stop press: more beta maps!Macedonia and WWII: Stalingrad have both entered beta-testing and will be up for playing soon. Furthermore, Nordic Countries has also been quenched. More of these in next issue.

New maps - Design brief submitted:Croatia by dakky21 a map of modern day Croatia by a first time map makerStaff by rockandrull formerly "rock and roll fantasy, this map underwent a major change to become the battle to conquer musical notation.Sudoku by FlyingSquirrel A unique concept, where the battle ground is a Sudoku board, and no, you don't need to solve it. Moved to GPCeltic Nations by The Bison King Submitted by a genius with god given talent, this map focuses on the Celtic people of north west Europe after the time of the Norman invasion of England.Viking invasion by Balsiefen This idea was actually revived by Balsiefen after a brief hiatus from the foundry, This map looks at the Viking invasion of Great BritainExam hall by TheSaxlad first time map maker TheSaxlad asks the question "can you escape from the Exam hall?"

Map ShowroomClick the map title to visit the development thread and offer your feedback to the mapmaker.

GallipoliAuthor(s):Industrial HelixMap style: Mixed dropMap size: LargeForum: GameplayDevelopment status: Gallipoli was voted as the winner of the April gameplay contest. It is based on the map started by cairnswk, who has retired from the foundry, lingering only to finish his unfinished maps. Indurstrial Helix has expressed that he wishes to stay as faithful as possible to the original design by cairnswk.

The gameplay features the battle of Gallipoli which occured during the First World War. It was a joint British/French operation, aimed to capture Constantinople (today, Istanbul.) Knowing both cairnswk and Industrial Helix, the map is likely to be executed with precise historical accuracy and inspirational gameplay.

The map currently only has a gameplay draft, as no graphical work has yet been done. It is of course a bit early to tell, but seems like Gallipoli will provide ample entertainment for those who enjoy complex strategical maps like Waterloo.

ScandinaviaAuthor(s):CoolCMap style: StandardMap size: MediumForum: GameplayDevelopment status: Another take on the countries of Scandinavia, CoolC is attempting a more geographically accurate representation of the region. The map has been in development for a long time, due to a sizable vacation period, but the mapmaker now seems very committed to finishing the development of this map.

The map features standard gameplay, with no tricks or gimmicks. Random drop, lots of bonus areas to conquer... a dominant feature of the map seems to be superbonuses, consisting of several smaller bonuses. The map also seems quite bonus-heavy.

Currently the development is focused on balancing the bonuses. Some tweaking of the values, and the map should be close to moving on to graphics.

Medieval DenmarkAuthor(s):BalsiefenMap style: StandardMap size: MediumForum: GraphicsDevelopment status: After a bit of an absence, Balsiefen has returned to the Foundry and resurrected his old project, Medieval Denmark.

As the name implies, the map features Denmark in the medieval times, under the reign of King Valdemar II who ruled from 1202 to 1241. This map also has a straight-forward standard gameplay with simple bonus regions and no extra features. With it's balanced gameplay it will surely be pleasing to those CC "purists" who do not like extra gimmicks in their maps.

The recent discussion has been on the lines of colour adjustments: the overall colour scheme is being tweaked, aiming at both pleasing the eye and considering the needs of the colourblind.

WWII: StalingradAuthor(s):cairnswkMap style: StandardMap size: LargeForum: Final ForgeDevelopment status: The last of this issue's showroom maps is not a straightforward map. Instead, a map made by cairnswk, which means - like most of you know - a complex and intricate gameplay in the tradition of Waterloo, quite surely to bring joy to the hardcore strategists.

This map is surely not meant for beginners - or for the weak of heart. It features a World War II battle between the Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia, in the city of Stalingrad - as it was known at the time - which is today known as Volgograd. A complex strategical map that stays relatively true to historical facts. There are snipers, artillery, airforce... all the things you need to enjoy an epic urban battle.

If you were a fan of the North America First Nations map, if you don't already know I'm sure you'll be delighted to know that map maker Tisha is well on here way on the follow up; First Nations of South America! It follows in the same style as the first map. A washed out water color looking map drawn on old parchment. It also follows in another tradition of the first map, in that it makes use of a large amount of impassables. Tisha takes advantage of South America's complex system of rives to create a number of tricky regions. For example the territory Tremebe is cut off from the rest of the South Amazon bonus by a small river. If you were to lose this territory after obtaining the bonus you would have no choice but to plow though Eastern Forest bonus to get it back (if it didn't belong to you already). It's little details like these that reward careful and clever players and punish reckless and impatient ones.The map be found in the graphics workshop right now. It seems as though Tisha has taken a little break since the map has moved., but it's only a matter of time before she gets back to work on it. Sure enough, there are a lot of people looking forward to this one.

The Bison King: how long have you been working on this map?Tisha: I probably only worked on it maybe a month before posting my draft. I had already knew I wanted it to match the First Nations N. America style... which I already had down.

The Bison King: So when you were making North America did you already have plans to make south America or did that idea come later?Tisha: I didn't think about doing the S. America.. Andy actually mentioned it in the N. America thread. I thought I was going to have to start over for a little while. My laptop hard drive died on me, and I didn't know if it was going to be save able.

The Bison King: How much research have you put into the tribes in these maps?Tisha: I've spent days and days going over maps and pictures, and reading about tribes. Reading about where the tribes originated from, where they traveled to, about first contact with Europeans.

The Bison King: so you feel pretty confident about where you located the individual tribes on your map?Tisha: I feel like I have them pretty well placed. I feel like there is a little room for movement with my placement, since nobody knows the exact boundaries of where all the tribes were. like in the 1500's

The Bison King: Have you enjoyed working on these maps? Which more so?Tisha: I don't know if enjoyed is the right word.. lol There is so much more information available about N. American Tribes than S. I'm having a hard time with S. America.. I can't get exactly what I want on the map out of my head and on the actual map.... graphics wise. I did have an easier start with it though, with the experience of parchment and the watercolor from N. America. American Tribes.

The Bison King: I've heard people mention that you might be doing a map of First Nations Africa. is this true?Tisha: I'm NOT doing Africa. I think the comments about anyone wanting a First Nations Africa were made with pure sarcasm. I guess you have to read the thread to know what I mean.

The Bison King: do you have any other idea's for maps or do you think this'll be it for you then?Tisha: I have a few ideas floating around in my head.

The Bison King: can you tell us what some of them might be?Tisha: noooo.... secret stuff. standard of course.. I've been encouraged to do a Taco map

The Bison King: Is there anyting else you would like to bring up?Tisha: no, I don't think so.

In this series we pick a game mechanic, such as "Objectives", and show you how mapmakers have used that mechanic in creative or unique ways. In this installment we feature 7 maps. If you find a mechanic particularly fun or interesting you can use the Map Info Database to find other maps with the same mechanic. Who knows you may find a new favorite.

Sun Tzu wrote:All men can see these tactics whereby I conquer, but what none can see is the strategy out of which victory is evolved.

In this installment we are looking at "Objectives", sometimes referred to as "Victory Conditions". You can score a victory on these maps if you conquer and hold the objectives for one round. Some maps feature multiple possible objectives and others objectives that are extremely difficult to obtain.

The Third Crusade (1189 - 1192) - Also known as the Kings' Crusade was an attempt by European leaders to reconquer the Holy Land from Saladin. This map features an intricate bonus structure and multiple different victory conditions.

Oasis - A large (160+ territories) objective map. All players start randomly spread around the edges of the map, with a huge Neutral desert in the middle. The goal is to collect bonuses from territories (Oases) scattered throughout the desert and eventually take control of the three-part Grand Oasis. Hold that objective for one round to win the game. It takes a great strategy to win on this map but the victory condition is quite attainable. Will you could rush to the Grand Oasis? or take your time conquering your opponents? or do you have your own strategy?

Das Schloß - Still in Beta, Das Schloß was developed from a fictional WWII story that was made into a popular movie. First player to hold the Munitionsraum, Funkraum, Kom. Wilhelm, and Escape-Flugzeuge wins. The map itself is extremely complex making the objective a rather attractive path to victory.

WWII Gazala - 1942, Rommel's Panzerarmee and Italian Motorized Division advances on the Allied positions held south of Tobruk, involving The Cauldron and The Gazala Line. This is a diagrammatic map using icons and connection lines. You can win by controlling the Axis Partners, Gazala, Gazala Line and Tobruk which consists of 34 of the maps 70 territories, a daunting task indeed.

Age Of Realms 2 - The battle for uniting the lands raged on for years and when it was finally over only the fools thought all will be well. The desecration of the sanctuary has brought upon the land a terrible frost spell. Many have died and many more will die unless the spell is broken. And the only way to do it is to go back in the isle of Remora and destroy the sanctuary. Only then the spell will be broken. This map requires you to hold a single territory to claim the objective victory. Easier said than done when the objective starts with 75 neutral armies. To make it even more difficult all adjacent territories to the objective loose 10 per turn.

Holy Roman Empire - This map is based upon the boundaries set for mainland Europe following the Peace of Westphalia in 1648. It is a double layer bonus map as in addition to standard continents there are 5 sets of 3 cannons that grant an additional bonus. If you control all of the cannons you complete the objective and are elected Emperor.

Operation Drug War - An Objective map of 24 starting territories and many neutrals with a theme of drug gangs versus the police. This map features four separate objectives of three territories each, each objective shares a territory with the other objectives making it quite challenging to win the game by controlling an objective.

The life of a mapmaker is often hectic. You stay up late at night, tweaking this or that graphical feature, adjusting texture layers, changing fonts and whatnot. You make an update after update, only to be faced with more criticism. Just when you think you have created a masterpiece which will be applauded and revered by your peers from now to the end of the Tzolkin, you get sent back to the drawing board - in fact you're lucky if you get to keep the drawing board.

Don't get me wrong, there are nice moments as well. After all we wouldn't be doing this if we didn't enjoy it. When your map goes in beta, and people come and tell you how much they like your map, it makes it all worthwhile. Your heart fills with joy, your head swells with pride, it's like falling in love all over again. Or when you get a stamp you have long been trying to get. Although sometimes I get the distinct feeling that the foundry mods only stamp my maps to get rid of me - let the guys on the next forum be bothered with the constant screams for attention of a mapmaker...

I'm sure I have told in my previous articles how the lifeblood of the foundry are the foundry commentators. Mapmakers live on outsider comments. Every mapmaker needs feedback, it is crucial to the foundry process. Well, I have lately found myself become addicted on feedback. I check the foundry forum the first thing I do when I wake up, and if my map threads have no new posts, I start getting the shakes. If by midday I still have no posts, panic starts to rise. Have people lost interest? Will my map project be buried in the dusty vaults of the recycling bin, has all the effort been in vain?

Thankfully, so far I have only had to abandon one map project. You see, a mapmaker comes to regard his maps like his own children. You create them, you nurture them, watch them grow and mature... what parent wouldn't want to see his children succeed? We all dread the day when we wake up and find our beloved child in the recycling bin. Sometimes you just have to let go and move on, but it is never easy.

Or maybe that's just me. Maybe other mapmakers know how to distance themselves from their projects, and consider their creations with cool logic and reason. But somehow, looking at all the squabbling, bickering - and even that occasional flaming when things really heat up - going on on the foundry forums when people disagree about a map, I kinda doubt it...

In this issue the clan reporters witness tragic defeat, hard-won victory and matches going to the wire in the Conqueror's Cup. We ask you to pick your favourite in the Div1 Finals of the League. TOFU tell the world they are in a league of their own, Agents of Chaos say they are going for the upset, and jpcloet tells us what really went on in Division 2.

The newsletter welcomes new reporter, legionary Dai_Atan, and we send best wishes to reptile as he takes time off to chase some silverware for LoW. We are looking for new talent, so if you love your clans and want to write about them, pm laughingcavalier.

While the Fifa World Cup gets under way, the Conqueror's Cup Quarter Finals draw to a close and there is one thing that everyone can agree on. Things are getting interesting. As epic struggles rage on between these eight clans, players are growing weary on every battlefield as they find that any slip in attention could cost their clan the much longed for cup.

freakns wrote:After initial round where we had clear favorites, quarters are turning into a great battle. I'm watching all 4 challenges with great intensity and so far its so close in all of them, it can not be any closer! its tighter then Lubas butthole! well, for that matter space is tighter then Lubas butthole, but you get the point...

Of the Quarter Final match ups the first to come to a close is the one closest to this reporter’s heart:

C.C - TOFU vs the Legion [22-14]As the dust begins to settle TOFU emerge victorious against the only underdog to make it through to the quarters, The Legion.A constant struggle this war came to a late start and an early finish, seeing a triumphant TOFU ready to advance to the Semi's. Their leader CoF is quoted as having this to say for their adversary:

Chariot of Fire wrote:...I have to agree that you guys have given us our toughest challenge to date...your teamwork and moves on the board have almost always been flawless.

While a sad end to the Legion’s cup dreams, they go off to start an 80 point challenge against Black Sheep Squadron. Legion Minister of War Chemefreak had this to say about the TOFU engagment:

Chemefreak wrote:We had fun. We knew that to win we had to be mistake free...and that even then it might no be enough. Very well played.

C.C. THOTA vs. Nemesis [19-18]A thrilling down to the wire challenge - long time favourites THOTA have truly found their Nemesis.BREAKING: As we go to press this game looks to be going to Tie Breaker.Everyone is extremely excited about the result of this one, the 8th seed Nemesis are eagerly closing in on THOTA and this coming Tie Breaker be greatly anticipated!

Blitzaholic wrote:I always viewed Nemesis quite high anyways, perhaps because I played them or Endzone in dozens of tournaments in the past, and they have always been a nemesis, pun intended.

While it is assumed that it will go to tie breaker you can keep track of the three remaining NvT games here:

After some amazing gameplay from both sides Empire v KoRT looks like the Cow Tippers will be tipped themselves as KoRT takes a comfortable lead. After a steady stream of remarks suggesting EMPIRE could make a come back

Bruceswar wrote:I counted 22-12 right now. Looks like we (KORT) have hit the magic number. Well done by all and thanks for the Match Empire.

EMPIRE always the strong figure in the clan scene must be looking at this challenge with Despair as their hopes for spot in the semi's dwindle to nothing. As we go to press KoRT are sitting on a strong 20 eagerly awaiting Empires death knell are all of KoRT's 27 members.

Chephren wrote:...Would just like to say that both sides have played excellently and there has been no moaning or bitching from either side. Some key moments in games, as always, have decided the outcomes....that's the nature of the beast I guess. Respect to KoRT ...it's far from "over" yet but it's looking like you may finally get the clan rank that you always felt you deserved...well played so far everyone.

A Tofu v KoRT Semi's will be relished by many on either side and is much anticipated.

Likely to be the last match up to end, the Immortal Assassins and Legends of War have a lot of ground to cover before this match up can truly be called.While expectations are high, there just are not 21 games in LoW’s bag at this point in time , though waseemalim of LoW seems confident saying that this war is starting to crystallize as a LoW victory.

IA is far from throwing in the towel and are expected to fight all remaining games with a vicious tenacity, to prove their seeding and to continue their fight toward the finals. IA’s ahunda had this to say:

ahunda wrote: We´ll need a really strong showing here after the 1st round, and after all I´ve seen of LoW so far, I don´t expect any easy wins ...

This side of the bracket is eagerly awaiting its victors to advance to the Semi’s:Nemesis or THOTA? IA or LoW? Who has the strength to prevail? And who will be smashing their monitor with a baseball bat after posting how well fought and well deserved their opponent's win was?Only time will tell.

With these words, wasee welcomed The Bullet-Proof Bandits to thier first outing in the clan league as it kicked off its second season back in August of last year. Time to find out whose balls are biggest now as BpB take on wasee and his Legends of War clanmates in the Division One final.

The Div 1 finalists have some things in common. They are both hungry to win the title. They both came out of Div 1B, which some have said was the toughest division to play in. They are both strong clans but few would them rank number one or two. Both marshalled their strengths with care to dominate the short-form challenges that make up the league. But there the similarities end – these two have chosen very different ways to get to the top. It's time to break out your vuvuzela, pick your clan, and decide who to cheer for.

In the red corner: Legends of War. LoW are the prototype for a generation of clans who have risen to the top of the rankings to challenge the established leaders. They have been around awhile, but went through major changes in 2009 as many of their leading lights stepped aside to set up the new clan TOFU. LoW managed the reorganisation that follows such a change with great success. As well as their league success, they have made the final 8 and might go on to the semis in the Conqueror’s Cup. The quote we opened with was unusual for LoW. They rarely go in for trash talk, they are generally polite to play against, their public threads are business-like (though their private forum is said to be very active). They boast some fine players, not least waseemalim and the current no.2 and long-time Conqueror rabbiton, and some tourney regulars. They have some worthy contributors to the community such as samuelc812 the entertainment team leader and the.killing.44, maker of Greenland. Their strength, however, lies less in individuals than in how their leaders reptile and chard have brought those guys together to make effective well-organised teams with great morale. They split their game loads, they help each other out, they pick their games carefully... to beat them you have to stay focused to the end as a small advantage is not enough. This is a very professional outfit – if they are going to win, likely the first you will hear of it will be a muted shout for joy as private pleasure bursts briefly into the public arena.

In the blue corner: Bullet Proof Bandits. LoW might go by the book, but if there’s one thing you can be sure of with the BpB is that whatever they are doing, they will do it their own unique way. They spent much of the season with long-time co-leader owenshooter (aka the Black Jesus) banned from the forums and from PMs. Their strapline is they are the sexiest clan on CC. They are not afraid of controversy and at one time made a virtue of being the enfants terribles of CC. They seem to be mellowing - Happy to See You’s interview proved one of the most widely read Dispatch issues ever, while nagerous is doing good work for CC entertainments. What they are tired of is clannies saying they are just a social clan. Fair point: season two of the league is their first competitive outing and haven’t they done well in it? They squeaked through to the play-offs with a dramatic last-game victory. Then they made mincemeat of Immortal Assassins in the semis. It was the first match IA had lost all season - what a time to lose. And the challenge was effectively won by two BpB players, mikiesdios & superrag. Bought premium by their clanmates as the semis began, this formidable pair went 7-0 in doubles. Latest news is that BpB are reviewing their roster and looking for recruits. If BpB can seem spikey to outsiders at times, what comes through loud and clear is that Bandits stick together and it’s fun to be one of them. If they win, likely you’ll hear a lot about it.

So which of these clans will win? Both see the title of clan league champions as their destiny, but only one of them can be right. Well, LoW won the division, beating BpB into second by 10 games and winning their head-to-heads 10-6. But BpB have been getting better and better through the season. While BpB beat IA decisively, LoW's Cup battle with that clan is still undecided.

One of the big innovations in season 2 of the league was the introduction of a second division, so that the league would be played in two tiers with each tier split into two sub-divisions. This proved largely successful. The downside was that some of the clans who signed up proved unable to maintain the organisation and commitment required to sustain a season’s play. Over time several clans fell out, disrupting the schedules and causing headaches for the clan directors. Div 2 was slated to carry 16 teams; of that number only 10 completed the season. The drop-out rate is one of the factors that has led the clan directors to plan a more flexible structure for season 3 of the league, most likely something close to the soccer world cup format.

The upside was that Div2 provided a season of strong competition and fine gaming. When you see that clans as strong as the Brethren of the Fat Mermaid and Black Sheep Squadron finished the season without making the playoffs, you see how strong the clans have become, how many good clans there are nowadays.

From his penthouse suite in CC Towers, the Head Clan Director jpcloet gave us a bird's eye view of the season.

jpcloet wrote:The whole league started with 32 clans. Our first clan to drop out was Sky Force who folded and that was Div1. That left a spot open in Div1 and TOFU declined the play-in, giving Nemesis the spot. Div1 was good to go and played out perfectly for the schedule.

Div2 was much more of a challenge. Water's Fury dropped out early on, followed by The Dark Knights of Chaos, Dragon Lazers Pew Pew, Exictium, and Flame Whores. Most of these were early enough that we simply dropped all of their results. Marval had the B Divisions and I took the A Divisions, so we ended up sharing the pain equally. Another twist in Division 2, was that Brethren of the Far Mermaid failed to order games for Week 25, and then failed to show up to the games, essentially handing Divine Domination the second playoff spot, and it was Brethren's spot at the time. I had come up with some scenarios, and in the end, DD would have been 3rd to the Brethren, so their performance ended up earning the spot over the 4th place finisher in that group.

The play-off semis are decided, with The Odd Fellows Union and Agents of Chaos, who led their respective divisions through the season, going through to the finals. First we say well-played to to the losing semi-finalists.

TOFU dispatched Legends of the Zone decisively (about 13-4, with some games unifinished). Reaching the playoffs was a mark in the sand for LotZ, as drunkmonkey told the Dispatch:

drunkmonkey wrote:Did you enjoy the season and the semis?This season was a great experience for us. LotZ went through a major overhaul this year, and the majority of the current members joined midway through the season. We all jumped in headfirst, without any real experience playing together. The league really gave us a chance to develop our strategies together and grow as a team. We're really excited for next year.

What's next for LotZ?Now that the dust has settled, we're taking on all challengers, whether it be tournaments or clan wars, in an effort to get our name out there & (hopefully) become one of the more respected clans in CC. We've just finished up intense challenges with Devil's Brigade & FOED, going 1-1. We're currently in the early stages of a challenge with Brethren of the Fat Mermaid, which promises to be a good battle.In the last unofficial "power rankings", LotZ came in at 21 of 21. That's fine with us...we don't mind being the underdog. Hopefully we can move up a spot or two by the time the next season starts.

In the other semi-final, AoC had a moment of concern against Divine Domination who took an early lead, before finally going down 11-6. This matchup was the swansong for DD, who wound up after the completion of the games, joining the list of good clans who have become ex-clans.

On to the finals. Agents of Chaos have come of age this year, winning 42 out of 64 in their division. We spoke to Eyestone, co-leader of Agents of Chaos

Eyestone wrote:What’s the toughest match you’ve played in the season?I think I’ll have to go with the semi-finals against Divine Domination. We didn’t start off too good, and at one time I thought they might steal the victory from us, but some well played games got us the victory in the end. Those are always the best games – the ones that you don’t think you are going to win, but you are able to turn it around by either some good moves, or just some top class rolls

That being said, the thing about CL season 2 I think we've been doing best is definitely our away games; Before the semi-finals we actually had a better away record (24-8) than at home (18-14), I guess it shows that we are good at versatility, and maybe could work a little more in specializing. But I do think that we have been improving a lot in specializing, as the season's progressed - hopefully that's not just wishful thinking

Some clans fell out of Div 2 as the season progressed - did that upset your season?Definitely. We were playing good all season, and didn’t loose one single match-up - so when the clans started to fall off, our record was soon starting to look less impressive. Myself I started to wonder if we were going to get any credit at all for our effort, but I’m very pleased to see that other key-people on the site seems to think that AOC are a force to reckoned with (at least to a certain degree).

It’s a great achievement to get to the Div 2 finals. What’s your best achievement before this and does this one top that?Well, before the Clan League started we had just finished 2 challenges I think. 2 large victories against Karma and Water's Fury, which really doesn't count for much… But if you are taking our more recent challenges into consideration, I guess that the draw against Mythology, and giving Immortal Assassins a little run for the money (23-17 in the CC) it’s getting closer to this achievement. But then again, if we can beat TOFU, there would be no question about what ranks first, of course

You've upped the final from 17 games to 40 - why is that?It’s quite obvious: The fewer games you play, the bigger the effect random luck has on the result. You might think that against TOFU we probably should focus on getting lucky and just hope for the best, but it would be more fun to do a decent effort and lose by a few games, than getting a lucky win – at least that’s what I want to think… Just for the record: we were the ones that proposed the suggestion to play more games, so we just have ourselves to blame if we screw it up

Another thing is that we are just trying to take advantage of the situation to play a very decent opponent that probably gets a LOT of invitations from other clans. We felt we had to grab the chance while we could and get another challenge that counts against the existing ladder.

How are you preparing for the final against TOFU?Probably not enough :p Well, we are doing a quick check up on what maps they usually pick so we don’t just choose only their best match-ups as home grounds. But we’re not a hardcore "focus-on-the-opponent-clan-and act accordingly". Our main focus is on what we do best as a team, and go from there…

TOFU have a great rep. Legion went in shouting their chances and came out beat: how do you think you might do against them? Final score?Well, it would be foolish to not think that we are the underdog. But I do believe that we can put on a good show, and with a little luck we could be able to pull an upset here. I have to be optimistic and say that we win the main games 9-8 and maybe loose the 40 game setup by 22-19. I would be happy with a result like that against what I think is one of the top 2 clans, or even the best clan on the site at present time (though still a little too unproven at the time being).

In a a normal year AoC would be basking in the light of the clans' attentions. But for now they are overshadowed by their opponents. TOFU, who sprang out of LoW as the clan season began, have established their identity as one of the fiercest fighting machines on CC. They have won every match they’ve played, and dominated their league divison with an 81% win rate. jpeter15 and dako each won more than 15 games without a defeat. We contacted leader Chariot of Fire who put our questions to the TOFU forum.

Chariot of Fire and TOFU wrote:At the start of the season, though you were newly set up, given the strength of your line-up you could have made a claim to play in Div 1. You chose Div 2 – why and did you make the right call?No, in hindsight we should have insisted that we were added to the First Division instead of dicking around with these Division 2 teams. There was a slight problem that for us to be instantly included in Division 1, an existing Div 1 team would need to be demoted. We put forward the names of 8 clans explaining that they were all overrated and didn't deserve to be in Division 1. We were shocked at some of the negative PMs we received from the 8 teams. The PMs were littered with spelling mistakes and terrible grammar, providing further proof that we were right.To be brutally honest, we don't think that the teams in Division 1 are good enough to be there. I would suggest that the divisions are redrawn.Div. 1TOFU (polishing all our trophies)Div. 2All the teams that used to be in Div. 1Div. 3all the bumpage riff raff Div. 4All the teams that were in Div. 2

What have been the highlights of the league for you? I was gobsmacked how Spurs managed to get a champions league spot. Harry Redknapp sure can polish a turd.

The final was billed as 17 games – you’ve upped that to 40 – why’s that?Because winning 35 games is so much more fun than winning just 15

Unlike most competitive leagues, the clan league has no testing program for performance-enhancing drugs. Is it true the TOFU team are on steroids? They may well be, but Pedronicus ingests so many illegal substances I'm not too bothered about the steroid abuse by the others. He often just goes AWOL for days at a time. One day he turned up at Shatners Bassoon's house stark bollock naked carrying only a woman's handbag and an electric fan heater.

What result are you hoping for in the final against AoC - what score do you tip? 40-0, medals all round and a year's free premium

A lot of players have tipped you for success and you’ve won everything you’ve played so far. Just how far will TOFU go?I drove 20 miles for some nose candy for a girl I wanted to shag. But in seriousness we're looking at getting Division 1 reworked with just us in it to make it fairer for all the other teams and to save them a great deal of time and embarrassment.

darth emperor wrote:Wow, I didn't expect winning thanks. I like the other two. Would be possible to see all the entries? Just the text like they send it.

I think we're going to leave it up to individual contestants if they want to publish their texts...

#1 = If you keep spending so much time on ConquerClub we might need to look into a divorce.#2 = Hmm...I bet there is a lawyer on CC that can help with the paperwork.#3 = At least now it'll be easy to get custody of the kids

#1 = Why must you wear that silly hat whilst you play that game?#2 = Hmm...your right. You should put it on and go cook me breakfast.#3 = I guess I'll have to make it myself.

Congrats to Darth Emperor & Emelar! Thanks for the organizers! I liked the idea of the contest a lot, and I think I had a fair share in the 'flooding'. If anyone is interested, these were my other entries:

Title = Keeping fit#1 = You are not playing on that @*#% website again, are you?#2 = Maybe I should lose some weight. I think I'll join a CC sports tourney.#3 = I shouldn't have suggested her to go to the gym regularly.

Title = An unexpected attack #1 = What are you doing on the web again?#2 = Hmm, should I attack from the North or from the South?#3 = I thought we had a truce. I'll give her a poor rating.

Title = Taking the hits#1 = You said you will be working from home today...#2 = Red keeps hitting me and breaking my Africa bonus each round. What shall I do?#3 = Hits in RL hurt more...

Title = Secret diplomacy#1 = How can you start playing childish games while I am working so hard?#2 = I have an impression that Blue knows in advance what I will do. I wonder if someone is secretly helping him.#3 = Apparently, it is my wife. I'll file a C&A complaint.

Thanks jp. Hard to miss with so much excitement in the clans & their contests right now. And if TOFU are ready to explain just how much better than everyone else they are, that's just sauce for the goose.