Because Regular Fireplaces Are SO 19th Century

My mom used to slap my wrist a lot for playing with fire. Y’know, candles in restaurants, Grandma’s fireplace… come to think of it, I still get chastised at Christmas dinner for sticking napkins into the centerpiece. But can I really be blamed? Fire totally rules.

Here comes unto my inner pyromaniac: the Apollo Tabletop Fireplace. Does exactly what it says on the tin: it’s a fireplace, that you can put on a table. Or on a bookshelf. Or on the back of your toilet. Really, I guess you could put this thing anywhere (that isn’t underwater), because apparently it’s 100% safe, as long as you don’t go trying to touch the fire, or anything.

Burn time is 3 or 4 hours, so I guess this would mostly function as an accessory to a sexy, romantic dinner, but it’s still unimaginably badass.

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him. SEE MORE ARTICLES BY "Ty Dunitz"