The G-8 leaders have come to historic agreements
which hold the possibly of improving the course and fortune of all mankind. Accords
reached on the environment, terrorism, Aids, and global poverty are just a
few of the many accomplishments to come out of this session of the G-8 (also
know as the Fantastic Seven plus Canada.)

"Wow," said French president Jaques Chirac.
"We did all this in only three days? Remarkable. It just shows what can
happen when you get eight great and semi-great leaders into the same space
for a few hours."

"Yes, the sky really is the limit," agreed
that guy from Canada, whose name no one could remember.

Speaking as this year's host for the
three-day convention of some of the worlds largest economic powerhouses,
Prime Minister Blair began his remarks with comments on the bombings in
London.

"Britain has stood firm in the face of fear, enduring the worst
attacks on our nation since World War II. This was our 911, and the members
of the G-8 have bonded together to pass a resolution stating that we condemn
the bombings and the bombers who committed them. Not only that, but we have
all agreed to denounce all acts of terrorism, except for those which may be
required to decommission some low-lifer rotter or another."

"Terrorists beware of the Fantastic Seven
plus Canada," said Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, thrusting a
Bic Fine Point high into the air.

"We've also committed to providing more aid
to Africa," Blair continued. "And this time we'll make sure they spend it
bloody well right, instead of tossing it all out on a bunch of worthless
trinkets."

"We've got to take out the mosquitoes,"
chimed in Bono, who was present as the official G-8 celebrity guest. (VH1
has acquired the rights to a highlight reel from the conference). "And chase
all the corrupt politicians out of their villages and back into the jungles
where they belong."

"Whatever," commented President Bush.

Russian President Vladimir Putin was
strangely quiet, nodding his head slowly back and forth, as though he were
asleep.

Blair concluded by touting the historic
agreement on climate change that the leaders hammered out on Wednesday
morning between 9:30 and 11:00. "We've all agreed that it's a huge frigging
problem, one that we should do something about someday, and when that day
arrives, we shall do it, whatever it may be, unless there's a chance it
might hurt the US economy. And for the day when we once again do discuss
this distressing issue, we have resolved to not only develop a plan, but a
contingency plan as well."

"It's a new face towards the future," shouted
the guy from Canada that nobody can remember.