The London Olympics are fast approaching, which means that Bob Costas's Olympics broadcasting cyborg clone is being pulled from his sealed antiaging chamber and briefed on the year 2012, Michael Phelps is plucking every single hair from his flippers, and the US Women's Gymnastics team's interview tinyvoice training is kicking into high gear. It also means that hype machine is humming away, releasing tantalizing bits of information on the Games to keep the public interested. Today, news of how the medal ceremonies will play out, along with images of the uniforms escorts and presenters will wear. And they're bad. Really, really bad.

As with nearly everything associated with the Olympic games, the "Victory Ceremony" uniforms are overly fussy, reverent about obscure things, and look like they were designed for a Project Runway challenge that was met by a Michael Kors' stinkface. According to the London Olympics website, they "represent London and its architecture with a modern twist." In other words: like how Judy Jetson would dress for a job interview in a Monty Python sketch.

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The women wear cloyingly purple uniforms (they match the cloyingly purple medal stands) with random zippers. Some of the women will get to wear little purple hats that look sort of like they might belong to a gay club promoter named Robbin' Hoodwink. And the men will dress like background dancers in an MC Hammer video.

At least we'll have something to wear if aliens ever land on earth and we want to prove to them that we're terrible at dressing ourselves.