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Rough night for kids last night (kind of long)

I went to pick up my kids from my ex last night and they came out of the house crying so hard they were almost hyperventilating. Ex lives with his parents and they all got in a big fight last night. My 8yo DS accidentally hurt 6yo DD. Ex yelled at DS telling him that he could have paralyzed his sister and grabbed his toy out of his hand and threw it against the wall smashing it to pieces. Then his parents started yelling, at ex and at kids, and it just got worse. My kids said they were hiding in the downstairs bathroom crying. Ex's dad threatened to call police on ex in front of kids upsetting them even more.

It took me almost an hour to get them calmed down. I am so sick of all his shit. He doesn't care how his behavior is effecting his children. I now have to send them over there for 11 days over the holiday and my DD doesn't want to go at all. My son said he didn't know how he felt. They both just want there dad to be nice. Driving home my son was balling and said "I though you said all the fighting would stop when you and daddy got divorced" (he was abusive by the way). It broke my heart and it makes me sick that I have to send them over there. :*(

It is a tough situation. I wish the grandparent HAD called the police, then you would have proof that the incident happened. I would not want to sent my children for that long under those circumstances.

Would he fight you in court if you refused to send them? Or if you cut the length of time they went?

Maybe have a talk with his parents? He lives with them, and the children are also in their care when there... so maybe can you have some kind of agreement with his parents that if anything like that starts to happen again, that they call you immediately so you can go get the kids?

I hope the kids know they are NOT to blame for the father's reactions.

Yes he would fight me in court if I decided not to send them. It is court ordered that they go there. This is the schedule that the courts decided was "best for the kids" (obviously they are idiots). They did give me sole custody due to his "bad decision making" but he gets lucrative visitation and this is his holiday. He sees nothing wrong with what is going on. This incident is minor compared to things that happened during our custody battle (which I did have police reports from and recording from our kids about injuries). The courts didn't feel that any of it was bad.

I do not have a good relationship with his parents. They didn't believe that their son was abusive and side with everything he does. They were yelling that the kids too. It is just a horrible situation. But if I don't send them for his time, he will call the police on me. I just feel like there is nothing I can do. It is so hard feeling helpless when it comes to your children.

I do tell the kids every time that they have done nothing wrong, but they both take it so hard. My daughter is going to talk to the school counselor today but my son only wants to talk to his normal therapist. I really hope that she can help. :( They are both such sensitive kids it is so hard on them.

Quoting Barblicious:

Aww honey, I know how you feel. My daughter's dad has outbursts too.

It is a tough situation. I wish the grandparent HAD called the police, then you would have proof that the incident happened. I would not want to sent my children for that long under those circumstances.

Would he fight you in court if you refused to send them? Or if you cut the length of time they went?

Maybe have a talk with his parents? He lives with them, and the children are also in their care when there... so maybe can you have some kind of agreement with his parents that if anything like that starts to happen again, that they call you immediately so you can go get the kids?

I hope the kids know they are NOT to blame for the father's reactions.

File for a restraining order. The eight year old is old enough to testify. If he was abusive to you what made you think he would not also abuse your children?? I know you are prolly court ordered to send them at this point, but if I were you I'd be working real hard gathering all the evidence and witnesses I could so that he either loses visitation or it has to be supervised and no overnight visits!

Also- you can get the visitation agreement changed if he is abusing the kids. What you describe was verbal and mental abuse, intimidation, and destruction of property.

I don't think so. We just had everything finalized in the beginning of September and I don't think the courts would change anything this soon. I still owe my lawyer a lot so I don't think she would anything right now even if I asked her.

Quoting faerie75:

awh i am sorry :( can you have him forced to take parenting and anger management?

You don't need a lawyer- you can file for changes by yourself right through the family court. But since you will be asking for a major change I think I'd have the lawyer do it.

-or-

Do the kids have a law guardian??? The law guardian can do this on behalf of the kids at no cost to you.

Quoting LauraMH:

I don't think so. We just had everything finalized in the beginning of September and I don't think the courts would change anything this soon. I still owe my lawyer a lot so I don't think she would anything right now even if I asked her.

Quoting faerie75:

awh i am sorry :( can you have him forced to take parenting and anger management?

I spent the entire 8 months of our custody battle gathering evidence. I presented police reports, recordings of our children talking about the abuse, copies of restraining orders, he hurt our son TWICE during the course of the 8 months. I had documentation of everything I could think of. I asked for supervised visits bc of the abuse and told the court that he would take everything out on the kids. No one cared about any of it. I don't think I could have done anything else than what I did.

The only thing they did was give me sole legal custody bc of his "poor desicion making skills", yes it actually says that in our divorce paperwork. At this point I don't feel like there is much else of anything I can do.

Quoting HyperMom38:

File for a restraining order. The eight year old is old enough to testify. If he was abusive to you what made you think he would not also abuse your children?? I know you are prolly court ordered to send them at this point, but if I were you I'd be working real hard gathering all the evidence and witnesses I could so that he either loses visitation or it has to be supervised and no overnight visits!

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