So many of us have grown up in dysfunctional families. Many of us have suffered abuse at the hands (literally) or through the mouth of our physical fathers and other family members. How, then, can we see God as He is and not expect Him to be like those who have either given us wrong examples or abused us sexually, physically, emotionally or spiritually?

I am the product of a highly dysfunctional family where both parents were abusers. So, you know I not only have something to teach but something to share because I have lived what I teach, write and speak about. If you asked me how I came to see God as Someone who would not hurt me in any way, I will tell you that it’s nothing I did on my own except exercise my God-given ability to choose. This is miracle territory. All I know is that I was able to place my trust in Him and surrender all that I am and have to Him without fear of being punished or hurt. For someone like me, that’s nothing short of amazing.

So, if it’s miracle territory and God loves all of us, what He did for me, He can do for you, too. This is truly a good gift He gave to me, and I know He desires to freely give it to all of His kids. The question is, will you receive it? The choice is yours, and I pray that His healing love will transform you into a secure, blessed child of His that can break free from who and what hurt you in the past just like He helped me to do. And maybe, you will share what He has done for you so that others can have better spiritual and emotional lives. That’s today’s encouraging word.

copyright 2014, Pastors George and Sharon Billington, All Rights Reserved

18 Responses to Dysfunctional relationships distort our view of God, but God makes a way to clear our spiritual vision

I appreciate your willingness to be so open about your life as it can only serve to encourage others to know that there is indeed a God who loves and cares.
Growing up and seeing things that a child should never see made me bitter and hard,yet through it all The Lord took care of me and did a miraculous work in my heart.
In Him I have a priceless treasure that cannot be bought or earned,and for that I am eternally grateful.
Ron

Im glad you have found healing. I went to a church and they made it much worse, now Im not interested in church and cant connect to God…because of their so called counciling.
Most christains and churches have no clue how to help people who have been abused.
They slap you with a few scriptures and shame you for struggling to just get over it.

Hi Nessa,
I am sorry you were so hurt by church. It’s true many are not equipped as to how to help those of us who have been hurt in this way. Regarding your not being able to connect to God, that’s another issue. Are you angry at Him because of how you were treated by that church? Did you know that it’s okay to be angry at God and that He can take whatever anger or disappointment you send His way? He loves you and understands why you feel the way you feel.

I am here for you if you want to share. And I thank you for sharing what you already have.

Yes, I do know that I can be honest with God about my feelings. Being a councelor you know that kind of abuse can complicate things…..I may know in my head what the bible says….yet my heart is a different matter and takes time to work through issues. Its more than saying the correct words and going through the motions. Im sure God prefers honesty to a lie behind a great smile.

I agree with you nessa3 that many Christians are ill prepared to assist those who have suffered abuse.And that is really a shame because we are called to love one another in deed and in truth.
Having experienced being “church hurt”several times myself I can relate to your experiences with churches.
May I suggest that you approach The Lord with a sincere heart and broken spirit and tell Him about your frustrations?I am confident that He will embrace you and begin the healing process. All He asks is that we take that first step toward Him.
Ron

Hi again, Nessa. I was thinking about you earlier and hoping we can continue to connect. Absolutely, God values authenticity, and I do empathize about the head/heart disconnect. The beauty about having God in a life means that just because things are a certain way, it doesn’t mean they have to stay that way. You don’t have to live with that disconnect forever. You can choose to let God work His miracles in your mind and life and be amazed at how He does things.

Let me share a personal example. I found it impossible to forgive my mother on my own power even when I read in scripture that God won’t forgive me if I don’t forgive others. I am very authentic with God, and I asked Him to help me do what I knew I needed to do so I could move forward spiritually and emotionally and then left the situation in God’s hands to resolve according to His will and timing. A number of months later, God engineered a situation where it was literally impossible for me to keep on being angry at my mother. She had a series of strokes that literally wiped her memory clean and changed her personality from combative to docile. My brother took over her care because I was recovering from a near-fatal challenge at the time. Within a year, I was chatting with one of the nurses at the facility where my mother was when the nurse told me that my mother’s body was shutting down and her readings were off the chart but that her heart was still beating strongly. God let me know it was her time to leave this physical life, so I ended the call and got down on my knees and asked God to send an angel to my mother and encourage her to let go of this life, that it was okay to do so. I continued in prayer for the rest of the day until my brother called to say my mother had died. So, I was blessed to not only forgive my mother but to pray her home to God. That’s a profoundly dramatic story that I pray resonates with you. What God did for me, He can surely do for you when it’s His will and timing.

There are a few scriptures my husband and I live. Romans 8:28 is one of them. I love God so much, and, as you can see by the above account, He worked a bad situation out for my good as well as my mother’s good. I pray that you can authentically get on your knees and let God know how you feel and ask Him to change you so that you don’t have to hurt any more. He waits to hear from you.

I appreciate what you have to say. I have been a christian for some time… so I do know that scripture and believe it.
I am getting counciling and its a process. This back and forth helps as well to process.
I have a good relationship with my dad as an adult, and have boundaries with him…but I still have to deal with the triggers and past that I had locked away…undelt with. Also the church issue I recently left and a hostile boss I currently have….all together..can be overwhelming.
Anyway ….enough of that….

Yes, recovery from abuse of any kind is a process. God is with you in that process. You are never alone or unsupported. Thanks so much for sharing. I pray God helps you to break free so you can move forward to be and do what He has for you to be and do.

Those triggers and mental tapes can be overwritten, but it takes time and positive spiritual experiences. Keep close to God, as close as you can and keep the picture of Psalm 23 in your heart when your world seems to be in chaos: He sets an abundant table for you in front of your enemies. Like another scripture rightly asks: “If God is for us, who can be against us?”

Thank you for sharing your life. I too came from an abused background as a child. I have too been hurt from the church and I understand where people who have been abused are coming from. I have laid this complaint before God today. I am still treated as a leper especially when I have a flashback. I had a very big one yesterday which a few years would have sent me over the edge again, but I know God literally held me together as I rested. I am much calmer today God is still holding me but able to breath better. But I have pulled out of the church again they just don’t know what to do with me and this makes me feel so uncomfortable, shameful and so so vulnerable it is unbearable. Many times I have cried in church and no one has come. Sometimes one person came but I have too many tears each week so it is easier to stay out. I love the LORD and my self-esteem is rock bottom at the moment. I got close to one christian lady and she too turned on me not understanding even though I tried to explain. Fortunately I am able to be online and can write. Please would you keep me in your prayers. Perhaps there is a scripture I can focus on at this time. Thankyou and God Bless you

You are indeed in our prayers, Jacqui. It’s a shame many fellowships neglect to turn to God the Holy Spirit for help in addressing the very real needs of the abused. We do look for love in all the right places, and it’s so very painful when that love is not given or is somehow withheld.

Your experience is, unfortunately, not uncommon. It’s great that you can turn to our God of all comfort because people will let you down. Like with Job’s “friends”, they can be there for us in the beginning of our anguish but soon abandon us only to judge and pontificate. I’ve often commented to my supportive other half that I wish those guys had just shut up and been there for Job instead of trying to fix something they were clueless about.

You asked for scripture. The most comforting one for me is Psalm 23 because it lets me know God is not only here for me but is here to bless me regardless of what’s going on in my life. I pray it gives you similar comfort. Romans 8:35-39 is another one of my favorites because it tells me that nothing can or will separate me from God’s love. Many is the time I go to that passage, too.