Friday, 21 December 2018

Simple things and shortcuts

Jo Youle Missing People CEO reflects on the things that matter. Jo talks about there being there being "no short-cut to the long run"I’ve been trotting through the Subtle Art of Not Giving a
F***. It’s probably more accurately titled ‘The subtle art of razor sharp focus’.
But that wouldn’t have had so many copies flying off the shelves. Or
downloading on Audible.

I was drawn to Manson’s idea that simple things aren’t always easy.

One of the Missing People team did a simple thing the other
day. In the middle of a very hushed moment in a Christmas Church Service, she scrambled
her way to the front of the church. Crouching down to comfort someone missing a
loved one. A gesture of loveliness. I could have got up. But if

I’m honest, social
etiquette had me firmly in my seat.

Last week, one of my kids was in trouble at school and was
held back after hours. It meant he was late home. Highly unusual for him not to
be where he said he would be. You can imagine what I was feeling. The end of a
rainy school day. Light fading fast. Minutes ticking past. The school just forgot to let us know he was there.It took a lot of effort on a phone call to the school later to
extract a sorry. I’m not sure what got in the way? Good reasons for why it
happened. Good reasons for holding him back for behaviour that was wanting.
Because it’s not easy. Cue the music, Elton: ‘Sorry seems to be the hardest
word’.

I remember a call I took when leading the Services team at
the charity a few years ago. From a mum with a missing boy. We’d not done
everything right. We’d not done everything we could have done. She was cross.
And I remember being sorry. But did I say it? I’m not someone who finds it easy
to say sorry. I work as a hard as I can to do my best always. So when it’s not
enough, I struggle to acknowledge it. I hope I did.

As well as not finding things easy, us humans are also drawn
to short cuts. It can be a double whammy.You’ll be familiar with the well-worn muddy shortcut in the
park. Saving a few seconds

from walking on the ‘official path’. Or for parents
out there, the ‘trampled down back’ of our kids’ shoes. Saving a minute from
doing up the laces.

You’ll be familiar with the short-cut email or a text for a
‘difficult’ conversation when a call would be better. Friendships withering
without time together that can’t always be conjured up through Facebook or
Instagram.

Sometimes, there is no short-cut to the long run. An often quoted favourite of my Dads. For any marathon runners out there, it’s not to be
ignored in the training run up. Sometimes though, short cuts can be helpful. In terms of our
‘thinking’ they even have a name. Heuristics. Making pragmatic short cuts in thinking to
save us time and psychological energy. Using what we know, from experience to
help make decisions. Using the past to predict the future. Trusting someone new
because, well, they look like someone we love and trust. We use trial and
error. And often get the right answer.

We can even short circuit our self-limiting thinking. It was
recently suggested to me, when coaching others, if the coachee says “I don’t
have the answer”. Ask them immediately “and if you did have the answer what
would it be”, which often produces… the answer! I’ve tried it on myself and it
works if you ask the question quickly, without thinking.

But other times it will trip us right up. Flat on our face. We’re
not always the rational beings we think we are. We’re more inclined to buy meat
that’s 75% fat free. Rather than 25% fat. We rely on the past to sort the
future. And repeat mistakes from generation to generation. We create over-
simplified pen portraits of people. Stereotypes. We create bias and sometimes
prejudice. We make decisions based on remembered emotions of reminiscent
situations which have no bearing on the here and now.

Thinking that we’re cleverer than we are can make it hard
sometimes to spot the simple thing.

Remember when Theresa May went to Grenfell soon after that terrible
fire? She met the firefighters. She met the police. She met the officials. But she
didn’t meet the people who’d lived it and survived it. I’ve often wondered how
that happened. How she and the advisors
around her didn’t think. Didn’t think of the simple thing. But she did, at
least, say sorry. It’s got me thinking about why all of this is so important.

As a charity, always striving to deliver top quality
services, the simple things really matter.It’s not always easy.It’s about
a team that goes the extra mile for people in crisis. That asks the right
question, in the right way at the right time. That supports people in the most
vulnerable of moments. At the end of the line – on the phone - and sometimes
literally at the end of the line.

The Missing People team will be open all over Christmas and
New Year and every day and night thereafter. Thanks to everyone who will be
here, and to all our supporters for making it possible. The lights will be on
day and night.

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Someone is reported missing every 90 seconds in the UK. The Missing Blog aims to give a voice to all those affected by this issue.

Written by families and friends of missing people, supporters working to raise awareness of the cause, and volunteers and staff at the charity Missing People, we hope that this blog will offer a window into the issue of missing.

The charity Missing People is a lifeline when someone disappears. To find out more about Missing People and ways that you can support the charity visit www.missingpeople.org.uk.

Call or text the charity Missing People for free on 116 000, 24/7 if you or anyone you know is affected by a disappearance.

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