My worst nightmare (vent long)

I have "raised" these two boys since they were babies. I have loved them like my own, I've never had my own bio kids because they completed me. We were a family for over 10 years.

I have protected them, taken the high road numerous times with BM, provided and worked hard to make sure they were always taken care of during hard financial times. I was the "single" career girl driving my new BMW then traded it in so we could afford a better daycare for YSS.

I have a million hours logged into homework and project time with them. Spelling tests, mission reports, book reports, flat stanley, native american's, memorizing states and capitols, making "baked goods" to sell at a mock market at school. Every Tuesday morning we go to the Famer's Market to get fruit and carmel corn for breakfast, every Friday we get donuts before school I pushed them to get all A's and they did, I was able to share the way I was raised with them and even though they are NOT my bio, it is now "how they were raised".

I am sitting here in this quiet, empty house. No feet running around, no whispering, no door shutting as my DH moves from one room to the next tucking them in. No fighting over the bathroom because OSS takes forever brushing his teeth. No, where is my ??? before school or did you sign my paper?

It is gone! BM rode into town with her PA train and they "hate us". They wrote letters telling a judge they fear and are scared of us. WTF! Really, 13 years and you just figured this out? The fun times were so miserable, the way they describe our great memories is so twisted, it is scary.

The part I am having the worst time with is.... Can you imagine battling a PSYCHO BM for years, you win every battle, then you get on the stand in a trial, BM says to me (she is pro per) You don't know what it is like to have a Mother's love, you have never given birth, you don't love the boys and they don't love you. Then she is granted FULL CUSTODY and rides off on her PA train and I am sitting there in shock, looking at my crushed DH after YEARS of documenting, fighting, stressing, worrying, protecting, spending so much $$$$m living this board out to the max, and poof! Next in line please.

I wanted to scream, NO!!! Just like in the movie Indecent Proposal, when Demi Moore loses ALL their money in the Casino with one spin on the roulette table. She tries to grab it but she is too late, GONE in seconds.

I wanted to die, but I had to be strong for DH. I wanted the judge to say something to make it easier. I wanted the judge to look at my face (he did) but it didn't change the outcome. Please! You don't know what you are doing. WE LOVE THEM! You just ruined their lives, you gave FULL CUSTODY to a monster! How could you do this to us? Do over?

Did we pray enough? Did I not ask the right way? Are we bad parents? Should BM have custody? Did I have enough evidence? Should I have read something different from Divorce Poison? Is PA real or kids just learn how to manipulate and just want one home?

Sorry, had to vent ladies. It is late, but I promise, I will go back to being superwoman in the morning.

Comments (20)

I got tears in my eyes reading this. It is my nightmare with my own step-son. :( I don't even like sharing him with his BM. When I leaves with her it's terribly upsetting. I can't imagine giving him to her completely. The system is broke. Do they really want what is best for the kids?? Or just give a crazy person what they want. I'm so sorry for you and your DH and your (let me say it again) YOUR boys. :(

Huge hug. this is just unimaginable, I can't fathom your amout of pain over this. its like at a funeral, i just can't find the right words to say I'm so sorry and sad for you. so ill just say again, big hugs.

Op... tears for you and your dh. I, too, fear this w/ my dss. Im a new stepmom and already the love i have for dss is as if he was my own. I cannot imagine being in your shoes having done all you could to be a great mother and just in one blink, its all gone.

All the things you've mentioned about the boys, the daily routines, the things that made you're home a HOME, it will come back to them and perhaps they'll realize what a great mistake it was to have said what they said.

I also agree w/ Pp, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe BM will screw this one up BIG TIME ....soon YOUR boys will see through her and make their way back in you and DH's arms.

I cannot imagine how a judge could make such a horrible decision. I can't imagine our family being torn apart in one ruling. My heart aches for you, your husband and those boys. I always read your post and advice and everything always makes sense and spot on. You did NOTHING wrong here. The system is unfair and the judgement was skewed.

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We love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all we love each other. ~Madeline