Back Amongst the Living…

Hello to all. I know I have been recalcitrant in writing in here lately, but there has been a very good reason. For the last three weeks I have been on death’s door. Literally. I could almost step through it some days. the docs reckon i had pneumonia. Since i had Oxygen at home they let me convelesce there. (That, and the fact that there wasn’t a free bed in either hospital due to this bug…) Urk.

I’ve been thinking alot about going home lately. I am a devout Christian. Born and raised, so to speak. My father is a Southern baptist minister, and i have been exposed to his quiet, patient faith all of my life. When i was about 17, i went for a search for truth. After surveying all of the religions I could look up or find, I settled on Christianity. It just works for me. I KNOW it’s right. What can i say? 🙂

Anyhow, i have led many a bible study, taught many a class. I was even a church’s music director for a couple of years. (Mainly because music has always played such a large role in my life.) My faith is what i live and breathe. But that is part of the problem.

You see, I KNOW what waits for me on the other side. i have nothing to fear. I realize i would have to answer to the man who was tortured to death for me why i couldn’t take it another day, but there are days when that wouldn’t be so very hard. Some of this comes from being sick. But most of it comes from the situation i find myself in. I am caught in a bear trap, with no way out and will be for the rest of my natural life…

Kinda hard to take some days. The pain is always there, like some dark fiend on the edge of vision. Waiting. Always waiting. And so, I long for relief. (And yes, I am a bit depressed. Who wouldn’t be?)

But, I draw strength my partner and friend, and I long for the day i can once again be half the man i used to be. Or no man at all….

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One Response to “Back Amongst the Living…”

*bighugs*

I have no idea what it would be like to live with the amount of pain that you do so I’m not going to be one of those people who say ‘Oh come on now, don’t be silly, you have so much to live for’.
As much as people will ask you to think about what you’d be leaving behind, they don’t have to live in your shoes, they don’t have to go through what you’re going through.
All I can do is offer hugs and a shoulder if you ever need it.