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Lately there have been many jokes about sending Tayer to boarding school. Conversations about “if” he does not get into the school my older kids go to where he will end up. There are talks of his potential career in politics, or him becoming the next RuPaul. He is confident, persuasive, flamboyant, fashionable, and intense. Whatever he does he will do it well. (All I can hope is that it’s legal)

I was sitting out front watching the children all play on their various wheeled devises. Tayer, per usual (well about 49% of the time), was being a jerk to everyone else. “Idol hands” as his Dad likes to say or basically just Tay gets bored, or uncomfortable, or hungry, or sad, or his feelings hurt, or ANYTHING and he becomes an asshole to everyone around. So, he was being an asshole and I sent him inside. I’m pretty sure I said “you’re being an asshole, go inside until you can be kind” because, good parenting.

So I sat smuggly proud of that awesome parenting moment. I won. He went inside, see what happens when you mess with this Momma!

And, as I reminded myself of how totally bad ass a parent I am I looked up at the giant picture window that leads into my living room…

Which perfectly framed the 9-year-old boy walking across it…

The 9-year-old boy walking across with such a calm fluid confident stride…

That confident stride with the perfectly well practiced “fuck you” face of a anger teenager…

The “fuck you” face that lead down to…

The double middle finger.

There was so much confidence there. So much swagger. I could not be mad. I giggled (he had passed and had no idea I saw). The other kids asked me what I was laughing about and I had no answer… I texted his Dad “you wont believe what Tay just did…”. This kid gives us a wild ride and I am sure his confidence will serve him well later in life so long as we are able to steer it in the right direction. For now he will keep us on our toes and challenge us at every turn…

Oh Orangie children….

A reminder of how cute he was.. before he learned his middle finger skills….

So apparently people have taken notice, little baby Tag is always in a white long sleeve onesie, ALWAYS! Why? Well mostly because I am crazy… but I do have a reason for this crazy (though it is just crazy…)

All boys clothes are “boy” colored. If it’s not crazy organic crunchy hippie mom stuff it’s usually brightly colored with trucks, trains, or sports on it. The crazy organic stuff is better, but still seems to try and “make” him into something. Or maybe it isn’t trying, but peoples opinions (even my own) about him change when he is wearing different colors/designs.

Tag is himself. He can not tell me what he likes, who he is, how he feels. When I look at him, when others look at him, I want them to see Tag, not “that little boys in the cute outfit”, just Tag. His face, his super lips, just him. Now maybe I’m off here and an outfit doesn’t change your perception of a baby or gloss over who they are, but why risk it? Or, really, who cares? ( I mean, white is easy to hang in the sun to get out the poop stains so maybe that’s my reason?)

Is he always going to wear white? Nah… But for now I want to just see my baby and learn who he really is before I start playing dress up with him (which WILL happen!)

It’s an interesting world to live in. One where you share your life publicly but feel like there are some things that should be kept private. Whether it be to keep it from family, try and pretend it isn’t happening, or to save someone else from ridicule. Maybe thats an honorable thing? To keep inside what you know will hurt someone else and what they do? But in turn if that hurts you, by lying to the world, is that ok? Who in the end is more important? Those that can learn from your story and benefit in their own lives? Those that harm you but you want to save? Or yourself?

I am 28 weeks pregnant and doing this all alone. Well, my kids are here and I have some really awesome friends that support me, but otherwise without a partner. It’s hard to even say, but though this wasn’t completely unplanned (the words “we should have a baby” weren’t spoken by me) it has still ended up here. At some point between lies and broken promises I asked for space and it turned into any pregnant woman’s natural disaster. I found myself loosing weight and vomiting constantly from the stress that was being put on me. When someone lashes out its always hard, when you are pregnant, it’s unbearable.

When I was pregnant with Tajh (my oldest) I should have been stressed out. Before I became pregnant with him I was not with his father. We were both living our own lives (after being together for over a year) but still spending time together (i.e. obviously sleeping together). I also had a pretty large drug problem. Prescription pills were redly available and I took full advantage of that. One night at a party I was the epitome of a “stupid girl” and did way too many drugs and made some terrible choices. I could use the word “rape”, that awesome trigger word that would get me out of all responsibility for my actions, but in the end I took too many drugs and passed out. I can not blame anyone except myself for that. While the boys (we were 18.. cause and effect just isn’t there yet so not “men”) should not have taken advantage of the situation, I should not have been so incapacitated I couldn’t protect myself. I am not minimizing rape, just speaking about my specific situation.

Enough on that, but basically Tajh’s Dad really had no reason to assume Tajh was his, and for the most part he didn’t. We both moved down to Tucson for school (living separately) and lived our own lives. I had a hard time being alone and moved back home after my first semester. Though he wasn’t totally involved I was thankful he spoke to me, came with me to appointments at times, and wasn’t as mean as he probably could have been. He could have used the “its not mine” and run away, but he didn’t have that in him. I will not give him full credit (who wants to give their ex credit), but in the end he chose to error on the side that the baby may be his and he should be minimally supportive. I don’t think I realized it at the time, but even though I was strong and confident in my decision to have Tajh no matter what, having him not run away was so important for me.

Today I am here. The father of this baby doesn’t answer my phone calls. While living his own life he has decided to completely avoid responsibility. Money might cover “things” but the baby doesn’t know that. The baby also does not know his voice, he has never felt the baby move, and never met my midwife. I would love to just be angry about all this, to have hatred for how terrible I have been treated, but really it’s just sad… I know what he is missing out on, I’ve done this before, but there is no way to explain that to someone who is on the run. When someone has hit “fight or flight” you can’t stop them. There is a large part of me that wants to hold all their “friends” who are supporting this flight accountable. How can you support him missing out on being a part of things? How can you support him not taking responsibility like an adult? But then again, real friends call you out on your bullshit… So I guess we see where they stand.

Look, I get it, life is hard. Im 28 weeks pregnant, running 30 miles a week, taking care of my 5 Littles 2 cats and a dog, trying to eat when Im stressed about all this, trying to be excited about this baby alone, creating my birth plan, thinking about how sad it will be to give birth alone (well with the kids there), but I’m doing it… Because I have to… Because I can’t run away. I have to show my children that running and anger gets you no where in life. You must always push through and do the best you can no matter what. Strong is beautiful and confidence should be the priority.

I really did struggle with posting this. I haven’t blogged recently because I was afraid of “letting it out” in some way, but I had to. If you read my blog and have been following me for a while you deserve to know what is really going on in my world, otherwise why should I have a blog at all? My desire to empower Mothers to be strong in their parenting outdoor wildly amazing children means I must tell the entire story. My kids and I are still adventuring strong. This week Little Tru (4) has 11 miles on his legs, which means I spent 11 miles next to him listening to his little stories and playing in the mountains! (ok 3 of those miles were during a Thanksgiving Day road race) A pregnant Mom can still take her 5 Littles outside to play in the mountains! Men not needed 🙂

It’s basically a disability. When you mention it to non runners they freak out. Clearly moving your body at an increased speed must be dangerous! Don’t even both mentioning how much you are running, or thats its on trails, or that you are alone 99% of the time. “Yes I always carry my phone”. Truth be told, my phone stays charged for little to no time so most the time its pretty useless out there…

I didn’t run much in the beginning of this pregnancy. I really just wasn’t feeling like it, and I was ok with that. Looking at my Strava (thank goodness I didn’t have to use my pregnant brain to think on this one) I started posting my runs in September, so 4 months ~ish (pregnant brain). It started out slow, and then I just started to feel good! I would walk when I wanted, be patient with my belly when it wasn’t feeling it, and tried to not care about my pace. Don’t get me wrong, some days I was down right mad I couldn’t even drop into an 8 some pace for a minute, but other days I could rock it. So what did it really matter? Who was I competing with? Myself mostly, and inner demons that need their own blog post… or 12 posts…

Everyone I meet and talk to about my Little Family talks about how patient I must be to have 5 kids, but I’m really not. This time the patience I was able to give myself paid off. Running became easier and eventually I hit 20 miles in a week, then 30 at 25 weeks pregnant! Not fast, not all “running” but 30 miles all the same. I was proud, happy, confident! And then someone hurt my feelings about where I was at in my running… and I cried (because thats what pregnant girls do)… and I sulked…. and had a terrible week of running. But then I remembered I really don’t give a shit what ANYONE thinks and I ran. Some weeks I can hit 30 miles, its kinda my goal, but some its just not going to happen and thats ok too!

Falling-

Is an issue. I have fallen once and it was scary. I caught myself (thank you water bottle and phone) and the belly did not meet the ground. Thank goodness. But also, pregnant girls fall just walking. And I increasing the likelihood while on the trail? Yeah, but I’m also making myself happy by getting out there.. Give and Take? When its more technical I try and slow down, and when its pretty well groomed of a trail I let my legs go. If something bad happened, yes I would feel terrible, but there are risks in me just driving, or cleaning the cat box, I do the best I can to balance all. (Will someone please come clean the cat box for me?)

Hydration-

Lots of peeing… LOTS! I drink SOOO much while running right now and pee constantly. Sometimes on myself… it happens. Damn you downhill.

Food-

I can not eat. At all. I never feel hungry (even if inout for 3 hours or more) and when I get back home I still can’t fit food in the belly. It sucks, I wish I could eat!

Also, I have to wear 2 sports bras- EVIL!

I’m hoping to run until the end. Maybe sticking closer to home at some point so as not to give birth on the trail… though that could be kinda fun…

It’s been three weeks of living outside and I have yet to have a good nights sleep. Normally I’m ok sleeping in a tent, but it just isn’t going well this time… Well until last night….

In the tent I have one extra sleeping bag to throw over people if the night gets extra cold. Last night the temps weren’t too terrible and I got to use this sleeping bag as a pillow, GLORIOUS! I was out! Warm, comfy, dreaming amazing dreams…

“Mommy, can you help me get in my sleeping bag?” says Tru. “Of course Buddy” and I reach for him… Back story, for the past week Tru has had “sick poop”, which means pooping 100 times a day (maybe a little less) and it just being not “normal”.

As I reach I smell a smell “Hey Buddy, did you poop?” Tru “No”… Because asking a 4-year-old if he pooped in his sleepy state is going to get you a truthful answer…. Skip to me having an itch on my face and rubbing it HOLY SHIT! Yes there is SHIT everywhere and now SHIT on my FACE!

That wonderful night of sleep is now ruined…

Tru is stripped naked and wiped with his clean clothing. Tea wakes and gives me her extra long sleeve shirt (thank goodness for Tea) and Tajh offers me his reading light so I can take a better look at things (my kids rock, except of the shitty ones.. (ok they rock too when they haven’t pooped everywhere)).

My comfy pillow is not Tru’s new sleeping bag, he wears only Tea’s long sleeve shirt (and is sure to remind me he isn’t wearing pants). I find there is poop ALL over my sweater so that along with all Tru’s stuff is thrown outside the tent. The top of my sleeping bag is a mess so I roll it a bit and only use it for my feet… Who needs warmth?

I guess, no sleep for this Mother… Everything is now clean, the kids are headed back to Phoenix for a while with their Dad, and I need a nap… *Sigh*

Living outside with the kids for a week has been pretty epic. There is no “down time” when you live outside (and have a pretty intense phobia of bears coming into your tent like I do). While spending some time in Flagstaff we hiked Humphrey’s and little Tru rocked it! Little Man hiked just about 5 miles (its 10 in total) and napped on my back some as well. This guy can be stubborn (and super loud!) but really just wants to be one of the big kids. From the hike he ended up with BOTH his big toenails purple and a blister under one of them. This guy can be quite the trooper! Currently we are kicking it around Colorado and having some smaller adventures. Soon we will head up some 14ers and see how tired we can make this Momma!

Thought I would mix things up and actually show you how our adventures go! A last minute decision to head north and hike a little. Five hours on our feet for this short one with some creek time mixed in, five Littles and 2 dogs in tow. I’m dying with the lack of good kids packs, we are trying to make something work but it’s turning into Tajh and Tea both wearing adult packs. I wore the Anton Vest by Ultimate Direction so I could wear Tru when he needed it. It worked out alright but it not the fix I’m going to need so this summer, I need to be able to carry my own water and wear Tru… Working on it….

Lots of new people coming to view our story, so stoked! Thank you to all those people out there for the wonderful encouragement you are giving my family, I truly appreciate it. It’s still a rough go over here getting the kids out to put in the miles they need, Tea especially. She gets so upset when she isn’t putting in the miles she needs. With a 55k on the horizon my girl knows what she “should” be doing to get it done. But to be truthful, it’s hard when they are only with me half the time. Even if we ran ever day they are here (which we can’t with this “life” and activities we have going on) it still would not be as much running as she wants to be doing. Sigh…. BUT An AMAZING running friend was so sweet and gifted Tea some sweet knew Ivivva outfits which was a HUGE pick me up for my girl! I can not even explain how much I love our loving community and how thankful I am that my children are loved. Pictures?

Sometimes an 8-year-old runs…

Sometimes and 8-year-old throws a fit because he didn’t want to run “here”….

Speed!

Running Buddies.

That hair.

And into the sun we go.

While sister, runs we play!

Days spent in the desert are exhausting.

If you follow us on Instagram you may have noticed the “home” pictures looking a little different… Well, we moved! Stayed tuned for a Vlog home tour on our Youtube channel! It’s a wild ride here at our new place…..

Cacti in the tummy. Not fun.

Thank you again to all our friends out there! Love from Seven Wild and Free!

As my 30th Birthday approaches (it’s way too close for comfort) I have found myself googling things to know/ things I should have done by the time I hit 30. Clearly this is a terrible idea, but alas, I continue to do it anyways. Basically I have achieved nothing close to what I should have at this point (blah blah blah wonderful kids, I get it!). Point is, I became a Mom at 18 when I found out I was pregnant. All choices I made in my own planning for the future involved being with their father and continuing to be a girlfriend/wife and mom. So now I’ve hit a point where taking a look at my life and the life of others my age is very interesting. So for your reading pleasure I give you-

My top 10 favorite the things I should have done by now or should have by now but don’t … damn I’m really turning 30…

1. A purse/luggage I’m not embarrassed to bring in public– I live out of a backpack, literally. At the kid house I share a room with the girls (and Tru sleeps in my bed with me) so the space is limited. My backpack carries everything I need to live homelessly for those couple of days a week I’m not at the kid house. And I don’t own a purse. Fired.

2. Something perfect to wear if a “special someone” wants me ready in an hour– Again, I live out of a backpack. The most hope I have to have something fancy to wear in an hour is to be able to make it over to my bestie Lala’s house and raid her closet in that time. Fired.

3. Skin-care regime- Look, we call it a win if I shower once a week. Even more shocking is if I wash my hair. Maybe this is why I’m not married? Fired.

4. Money set aside for retirement- To be fair, maybe if I had “extra” money to set aside I would. With no job, “money set aside” is an interesting concept. Fired.

5. A strong start on satisfying my career goals– I feel like this one is just cruel! I have NO idea what I want to be when I grow up. I am happily a mother of 5 crazy little people, but I guess at some point I should probably find a “career” and then I will have this money they speak of to “set aside” for old age. Ugh! Fired.

6. A hobbie I’ve picked up on my own- Yeah no. I’m that girl that only shows up to the yoga class with a friend. Honestly I even despise going to the grocery store alone. Fired.

7. Understand and keep up with current events– Does this include reading TMZ? I hate watching the news and seeing terrible stuff, I avoid this at all costs. SOMETIMES I get into Seth’s car and his radio playing NPR super loudly (seriously he bumps the nerdy talk) and I hear a little something, does that count? Fired.

8. Read regularly- There was a time where I was devouring books on a daily basis, but then I no longer only had children home with me that nap. I do enjoy reading, but have a very hard time making it happen even when I’m not with the kids. I can usually find a hundred things I would rather do (or need to do) then sit still with a book. Fired.

9. Know my life goals and have a plan for attaining them– Funny thing about that…I don’t wanna! I love being a Mom, but I’m constantly told that isn’t a “good enough” life goal. Like I should find something else nearly as rewarding as spending every second I can with my kids… sigh.. So no, I have no clue what else I would ever want to do with my life. Fired.

10. Accept you ARE an adult- F that! Being an adult still doesn’t sound like fun to me! Maybe I don’t totally understand what being an adult is yet? But from what I see, I’m not really into it. Fired.

As you can see, I’m far from being ready to be 30. Does this mean I get to push it back until I’m ready? I say yes! I think 30 is just jealous that I got called Teagan’s sister the other day and someone assumed I went to the kids school when I had my backpack on the other day.

We are finally in a house! No more homelessness or couch surfing! Am I really excited? Not so much… I miss being on the road and quit honestly do not enjoy cooking inside.

We found a nice little place that fits us perfectly. The kids love the yard and I love having a “school room” for homework and homeschooling Tay. I’m not too keen on large houses and this one may be pushing it a little for me. I prefer small spaces, less to clean and keeps us all closer. Oh well, just more work for me!

The Plan-

Seth has them Monday/Wednesday and I have them Tuesday/Thursday. On Wednesdays I will come in for a couple of hours to work a little more intensely with Tay on school work and try to get caught up on wherever we need to. The plan is on your day you come in for the morning and start making breakfast. Whoever was here the day before gets up and takes the big ones on a quick run, then everyone eats together. If you are leaving for the day you drive the big ones to school and then have the day to yourself. Because we have crazy running schedules and are out-of-town often, Friday-Sunday is going to work on a who is available basis.

I am super neurotic about organizing and cleaning so we are in full crazy mode with me trying to get everything in the right place. Unfortunately any crazy adventures will have to wait, but we do have something big coming soon! Miss Teagan has decided she wants to run the Javelina Jundred (100k) and get herself a belt buckle! With how well she did at SOB 50k, and the true determination this girl has I think she has this! Seth and I are careful about the races we let the kids do and try to set them up for success. We don’t want to throw them into something that could potential have a bad outcome not to say we don’t let them fail in other areas but obviously we want them to stay safe in a race setting. So Tea has four 25k loops that she has plenty of time to sleep after the 3rd and then finish the 4th early the next morning. I will be running this with her and couldn’t be more excited!

So that’s what we have coming up, just some fun training to get a little lady through 100k as happily as possible so she can reach that buckle.

Any questions on our crazy life? I’m in need of some inspiration for future posts and would love to fill in some details about things you may want to know. Ask away, thanks!