Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I have been dealing lately with a boss who has turned into an bullying control-freak who watches my every move. As an empath, I am having great difficulty in not A) feeling their anger/paranoia, B) responding with my own anger/paranoia, or C) having my psyche crushed completely.

If I am one with all, that means I am one with my boss. This raises the question: why would I bully myself? Is this an external manifestation of some lack of self esteem? Do I need to love myself/my boss more to get my boss/myself to love me back?

Or perhaps it is the laboratory for me to practice what I preach. It is easy to say you are interconnected. It is easy to think about unconditional love as a concept. But to put those into practice with someone who is causing you emotional and psychological pain is a very different beast.

So do I resort to hating the actions, not the person? That seems like semantics to me. Loving someone who is damaging you feels too much like asking for more of the same. And shielding works well, but only for so long.

Lately I have sumbled on the "You are really insignificant in the greater scheme of my life, and by the way, I see right through your attempts to make up for your own inadequacies" method. My boss can only be the destroyer of my world if I give them that power.

A bully uses power to make them feel like more by making you feel like less. The worse they feel about themselves, the more they bully you. They do this to try to make up for what they feel they don't have. It is my boss who has low self esteem, NOT me. Suddenly their pettiness seems kinda pathetic.

So I need to consider: if my boss is one with all, my boss is also one with me. Bullies treat others like they subconsciously feel they should be treated. This is really all about my boss feeling "less-than", and it is a whole lot easier to feel compassion towards that.

By not accepting the role of the victim I will have done all I can to improve things, and protected myself in the process. I will grow from it, even if my boss doesn't. After all, I can't change anyone else, but I can change myself.