Least erotic sex manual? “The Married Kama Sutra”

The original, you may recall, is a pleasure how-to filled with diagrams of sexual positions and practical advice.

The “Married” version is more deeply rooted in the day-to-day, offering new names for more contemporary positions and scenarios:

When the man is loading the dishwasher and the woman must come over, because he is loading it wrong, it is called “the dishwasher position.”

A weasel.

When the woman spends hours at the hair salon and returns home with bangs, and the man has no reaction whatsoever, it is called “the blindness of the mole.”

When the man has his first weekend off from work in a month, and the woman makes him drive upstate to see her sisters, and they all talk about him like he isn’t in the room, it is called “inside the snake den.”

When the woman forces the man to join the book club with her, because she is afraid that they are becoming stupid, and the man tries to read the new Junot Diaz, but he cannot get into it and so he feigns illness on the day that it is being discussed, it is called “the weasel.”