[Sigh]. I really didn’t want to explore Dan Riehl’s fantasy life. My HAZMAT suit is still at the cleaner’s and frankly “Caucasian Wanker Dreams of Teaching Darkies Some Manners” is soo unoriginal. Let’s review:

Podgy slob with the IQ of a stunned tick? Check.

Close encounter (less than 10 miles) with people of a different race/colour/ethnicity? Check.

Tale of said encounter that only intersects with the truth by merest accident? Check.

Strutting and grunts of “I woulda shown them!” once the goat boning crybaby is safely back in front of his computer? Che- [Yaaaawn] Pardon me – Check.

Betty Cracker came back with from her expedition to Candyarseville with this gem, Danny’s final melt down before he closed comments:

When I said Dangerous times, I meant only for America should the races end up more divided as a result of this failing black president. Or did you idiots sleep through the OJ debacle. Have you even stopped to consider what would happen if this idiot doesn’t get relected [sic] for his obvious incompent [sic] and corrupt Democrat ways?

But you don’t care. You’d be perfectly content to keep a liberal in office for eight years by trying to intimidate the population into thinking they don’t dare oppose him, or it’s racist and our cities could explode. You don’t give a damn about this country. You care about your pathetic selves and your even more pathetic liberal pet causes. FOAD chumps. I can wipe you away here just as easy as we could do it in the streets if it ever came to that. Sleep tight, morons. Buh bye.

Posted by: Dan Riehl | Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 09:27 PMs

Now, I don’t take narcotics. To be honest, I can’t. There’s no point. Perfectly legal OtC drugs that warn they might make children under 12 a little drowsy drop me in my tracks. Hell, drugs that warn they’ll make a linebacker buzz around the ceiling light like a hyperactive moth drop me in my tracks. But I suspect the above rantrum would make a lot more sense if I were on several hallucinogens.

Or I had my head stuck so far up my ass I could see out of my nipples.

However, I am tired. So with my mind not functioning as well as it normally does, I will attempt to translate his bleating and blustering for your edification, your delectation, your … something:

“When I said Dangerous times, I meant only for America should the races end up more divided as a result of this failing black president.”

All African-Americans will continue to support Obama, while all Caucasians will hate him. Naturally Caucasians will be forced to scream “HEY YOU BLACK PEOPLE! OBAMA SUCKS AND HE’S BLACK!” at any African-Americans who happen to be in the vicinity. Those people will not react well when we exercise our 1st Amendment right to behave like rabid mandrill baboons. They’ll probably say mean things to us, we’ll have to Take Steps because our 1st Am. rights are firstier than theirs and it will be Obama’s fault.

“Or did you idiots sleep through the OJ debacle[?]”

After the jury handed down its verdict I scurried around glaring at every African-American male I saw because I knew they were thinking they could kill me and get away with it. Everyone else must have been doing the same thing. That’s how bad race relations were.

Have you even stopped to consider what would happen if this idiot doesn’t get relected [sic]

(He’s referring to Obama, not himself) Those people will riot if Obama isn’t re-elected. They’re violent. So we must be prepared to be violent first!

You’d be perfectly content to keep a liberal in office for eight years by trying to intimidate the population into thinking they don’t dare oppose him, or it’s racist and our cities could explode.

OK. This has me stumped. It’s like he typed excerpt 3, stopped to sexually assault a Shetland pony, and was so tired when he returned he couldn’t remember or read what he’d already typed. On its own I assume some of his commenters were concern trolling that Those People would riot if Obama isn’t re-elected (which is a C.T. that was stale before Obama was elected). However, Dan has already suggested that it would be a bad thing if Obama doesn’t get elected. And now I’m as tired as Dan was after that time he broke into a pet shop and spent the evening in the chinchilla cages, so onward to the piece du resistance:

FOAD chumps. I can wipe you away here just as easy as we could do it in the streets if it ever came to that.

(I don’t think he’s talking about wiping away the fear shart build up in his Dockers, but again, I’m not sure. And I’m not going to hump a domesticated animal to get closer to his frame of mind.) Should violence be necessary because OJ wasn’t convicted and Obama is (or isn’t) re-elected, I’m ready. Back off man! Don’t push me! Look! To demonstrate what a dangerous hombre I am, I brutally and ruthlessly shut down the comments to this post! So there! I’m telling!

[Cries of “Medic!” and “Last rites!” from his detractors]

Now wait. I know some of you are thinking the activity that occurs during the blood in the streets of fantastic L.A. scenario Dan hints at would bear little resemblance to the activities of one lonely shit house rat changing the settings on his blog. To which I respond, shut up! If he doesn’t spend some time fantasizing about that he’ll start in on the poor little pony again.