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Going back to Work is Comedy

So this was my third week back at work since having my little Miss Piper bug. I miss her so, but I am definitely pleased with her care arrangement and know she’s in amazing hands, albeit not as amazing as mine! Being at work these weeks has some pretty funny thoughts going through my head, none of which I allow to come out of my mouth, all of which I am happy to share with any curious readers.

Because I’ve been a mom now for over two years, or approximately 6.25% of my life, I’ve started to forget what reality was like prior to having children. I was in a meeting my first day back with a childless single individual and he asked me how things are going being back at work. I told him “I miss my girls so much, but honestly being back at work is a bit of a break compared to the work of being a full time mom.” He looked at me perplexed and said “Why?” In my head I wanted to laugh as hard as I could. And then I remembered I used to be clueless about these types of things too. I always had respect for full time moms and working moms, but I didn’t really KNOW what their life was like. I would never have really thought it was the hardest job in the world. So rather than laugh in his face, I simply said “Being a full time mom is the hardest work ever. There is a human being that cannot leave you for a moment and you never get a break. Even when they sleep there is a lengthy list of things to do and you’re always on their clock.” Enough said because just like my former self, he probably won’t get it until he has kids.

The other comedic thoughts that run through my head relate to the “mother’s room.” Although these thoughts do not get graphic, if conversations about nursing and pumping gross you out, please stop reading now. When I returned to work, the first thing on my agenda was to find the Mother’s Room.

Step 1: Find the physical location of the Mother’s Room: check.

Step 2: Try to use the Mother’s Room: UNcheck.

Why is there a lock on the Mother’s Room? How do I obtain a key? So I start asking around. I instant message a mom co-worker: how do I get into the Mother’s Room?!?!

I ask a friend of mine with kids; he’s clueless.

So I go to the handy dandy intranet and find this: “a key to the Mother’s Room must be obtained 10 days in advance.” What?!?! Sorry I’m not better at planning, but the last thing on my mind ten days before I returned to work is how I was going to get access to the room to make bottles for my bug. So I email the alias, apologize for the urgency of the matter, but request a key as quickly as possible because at this point I feel like I just might explode. Luckily the very helpful person on the other end of my email had a key I could pick up right away.

The rooms at my work are really quite nice. There are nice magazines, pictures of fellow employees babies, napkins, permanant markers, a fridge, really everything a gal could need. But I can’t help but think these thoughts in my head:

On my way to the Mother’s Room: “I hope no one knows what this super attractive tote is I’m carrying, but I’m sure everyone does. I especially hope the device inside doesn’t randomly turn on at my desk or as I’m walking to the Mothers Room – I’m pretty sure I would turn bright red and likely spill the entire contents of the bag trying to find the device to turn it off!”

As I walk into or out of the Mothers Room: “I hope no one sees me going in or coming out of this room and if they do I hope they don’t think about what I’m going in there to do. But they probably will think about it…I would. Oh well, gotta do what ya gotta do.”

As I am in the Mothers Room doing my business: “I hope no one can hear what I’m doing in here, but I’m sure they can. I can hear other people when they’re in here. And I hope no one can see through these attractive mini-blinds.”

As I’m leaving the Mothers Room: “Do I have all my clothes on?!?! How embarrassing would it be to accidentally open the door without my shirt on?!?! Or what if I dropped my milk between the Mothers Room and the freezer – that would be mortifying!”

All in all, going back to work is extremely difficult. But I also have the perspective that I’m pretty lucky to have a great job, an understanding boss and a realistic workload. It’s really not fair for me to complain when I was fortunate enough to take four months off and at least I have a job, right? There are lots of people in this world that have more to complain about, so I try to keep my eye on the positives and snuggle with my little munchkins as much as possible during the time I have with them.