Tiger Woods apologized on Wednesday to his family and his fans in an online letter. The 300-word effort apparently involves "all of his heart," which means he may have died for a few seconds so that he could temporarily channel that organ's blood-routing duties into wife-calming ones.

However, he didn't bother apologizing for failing to fully apologize.

Nowhere does Woods actually say what he's so sorry for. No "I am a nymphomaniac." No "My addiction to Tang made me stray." No nothing.

The world's most prolific putter now joins the Apology Hall of Shame. No, no, Tiger. There's no point apologizing for failing to apologize in your crummy apology. Just tell it to Kanye.