What I really need to learn to do is self control.

Hello ladies. My name is Micah. I had a baby boy in May of 2009. I've been a WTE member before but due to privacy issues, I had the account deleted and started a new one. So if I sound familiar to you that would be why. I'm about to write a novel here which is more for the purpose of getting it off of my chest then hoping any one will read it. But if you are interested, read away!

I have issues. LOL! I have since I was a little girl. I've struggled with eating disorders my whole life but despite this, have mostly been over weight. When I got pregnant with Henry I weighed 198lbs. I lost 10 pounds in the 1st 6 months and then gained it back plus 14 more by the end of my pregnancy. I lost it all immediatly after delivery but soon gained it back wtih stress eating and lack of excercise. I now weigh 205-210 just depending on the day. I'm 5'5'' by the way.

I've never had self control. EVER. I hate that about myself. I feel like it says a lot about my character and I'm not happy about that.

So here I am. Hoping to find some friends who are struggling too. I'm hoping to make that life changing decision to live a healthy life. I have dreams that I'm running so fast that I feel like I'm flying. I'm never out of breath. It reminds me of being a kid, so full of energy and feeling invinsible. I want that again. Or as close as I can get to it.

My husband is leaving in exactly 1 month for basic training. He joined the Air Force. He will be gone for 2 months and then off to Tech school where I will meet him some time in late March. Between now and then I would like to lose some weight. I emphasize the word "some" because I always over do it and then dissapoint myself. But to get a estimate on what "some weight" is, well, I guess I would want the scale to show me a weight of at least 5 pounds lighter between now and then. And that's not the butt naked, post morning poop weight. That's the end of the day, fully clothed, but no shoes weight.

No, it's not very ambitious but it's what I can commit to. And when I get there I want to commit to the same goal. So what's the plan? I still need to think about that. But first I feel like it's appropriate to talk about my weaknesses. I'm just going to put them out there, stare at them, repeat them to myself and train myself to recognize them.

Weaknesses:

I'm lazy. There is no way to get around it. I am a lazy person. I do everything half assed. I want to be skinny but would prefer to sit and fantasize about it.

I'm self conscious. I have been covered in stretch marks since I was 13 and just 115lbs. I have PCOS and the hormones made me look like I was mauled by bears. A large part of me is afraid that even after I lose weight I will hate the way I look, just as I did when I was a teen. This is where the "why bother" thing comes in. I need to avoid that.

I have a sweet tooth. My sweet tooth disapeared during my pregnancy and I thanked God and prayed it would not return after I delivered Henry. Unfortunatly I forced it upon my self when I was bored.

Which brings me to bordom eating. I do it often. Late at night when Henry's in bed or down for a nap. In stead of staying busy I get bored and eat.

Binging and passing out. I used to binge until I threw up. Then it got to the point where I would pass out before I could throw up which led to weight gain. Lately I've been starving myself again because I love how it feels. I feel high and full of energy but then when night rolls around and it's quiet the binging sets in. It's not even close to as bad as it use to be but I know that if I don't nip this in the bud now it will get worse.

I hate to even think about excercise. That should illustrate just how lazy I am. I get uncomfortable when people talk about excercising around me. It makes me sweat. I get anxious thinking about excercising in front of people. HOWEVER, if for some reason I do happen to excerise, I realize I like it.

I have "everyone is staring at me" syndrome. Gah! It's not that I'm arogant. I'm paranoid! I don't want people watching my front bottom flapping up and down as I attemp to run 3 mph on the tread mill. But I feel all eyes on me when I'm at the gym.

Well, that's just some of the things I need to over come in order to change my life and become healthy. And in all seriousness this is absolutely nessesary for me. My father, aunt, 2 uncles and grandmother have all had triple and quadruple bipasis in the last 6 years and I don't want that to be me. Heart disease is obviously prominent in my family and I want to be healthy for my son as well as set a good example for him.

I think I fair goal for this week is 30 minutes of excercise a day. I'm not going to worry about what I eat but concentrate on what not to eat without obsessing over it so much that I feel like I HAVE to eat it. Gah! This weeks mantra is "Self Control".

Also, stay busy!!! I'm moving in with my parents in 2 weeks while my husband is gone at basic training so I should stay busy with the packing.

Today's end of the day, fully clothed weight is:206lbs.

201lbs here I come!

Hello ladies. My name is Micah. I had a baby boy in May of 2009. I've been a WTE member before but due to privacy issues, I had the account deleted and started a new one. So if I sound familiar to you that would be why. I'm about to write a novel here which is more for the purpose of getting it off of my chest then hoping any one will read it. But if you are interested, read away!

I have issues. LOL! I have since I was a little girl. I've struggled with eating disorders my whole life but despite this, have mostly been over weight. When I got pregnant with Henry I weighed 198lbs. I lost 10 pounds in the 1st 6 months and then gained it back plus 14 more by the end of my pregnancy. I lost it all immediatly after delivery but soon gained it back wtih stress eating and lack of excercise. I now weigh 205-210 just depending on the day. I'm 5'5'' by the way.

I've never had self control. EVER. I hate that about myself. I feel like it says a lot about my character and I'm not happy about that.

So here I am. Hoping to find some friends who are struggling too. I'm hoping to make that life changing decision to live a healthy life. I have dreams that I'm running so fast that I feel like I'm flying. I'm never out of breath. It reminds me of being a kid, so full of energy and feeling invinsible. I want that again. Or as close as I can get to it.

My husband is leaving in exactly 1 month for basic training. He joined the Air Force. He will be gone for 2 months and then off to Tech school where I will meet him some time in late March. Between now and then I would like to lose some weight. I emphasize the word "some" because I always over do it and then dissapoint myself. But to get a estimate on what "some weight" is, well, I guess I would want the scale to show me a weight of at least 5 pounds lighter between now and then. And that's not the butt naked, post morning poop weight. That's the end of the day, fully clothed, but no shoes weight.

No, it's not very ambitious but it's what I can commit to. And when I get there I want to commit to the same goal. So what's the plan? I still need to think about that. But first I feel like it's appropriate to talk about my weaknesses. I'm just going to put them out there, stare at them, repeat them to myself and train myself to recognize them.

Weaknesses:

I'm lazy. There is no way to get around it. I am a lazy person. I do everything half assed. I want to be skinny but would prefer to sit and fantasize about it.

I'm self conscious. I have been covered in stretch marks since I was 13 and just 115lbs. I have PCOS and the hormones made me look like I was mauled by bears. A large part of me is afraid that even after I lose weight I will hate the way I look, just as I did when I was a teen. This is where the "why bother" thing comes in. I need to avoid that.

I have a sweet tooth. My sweet tooth disapeared during my pregnancy and I thanked God and prayed it would not return after I delivered Henry. Unfortunatly I forced it upon my self when I was bored.

Which brings me to bordom eating. I do it often. Late at night when Henry's in bed or down for a nap. In stead of staying busy I get bored and eat.

Binging and passing out. I used to binge until I threw up. Then it got to the point where I would pass out before I could throw up which led to weight gain. Lately I've been starving myself again because I love how it feels. I feel high and full of energy but then when night rolls around and it's quiet the binging sets in. It's not even close to as bad as it use to be but I know that if I don't nip this in the bud now it will get worse.

I hate to even think about excercise. That should illustrate just how lazy I am. I get uncomfortable when people talk about excercising around me. It makes me sweat. I get anxious thinking about excercising in front of people. HOWEVER, if for some reason I do happen to excerise, I realize I like it.

I have "everyone is staring at me" syndrome. Gah! It's not that I'm arogant. I'm paranoid! I don't want people watching my front bottom flapping up and down as I attemp to run 3 mph on the tread mill. But I feel all eyes on me when I'm at the gym.

Well, that's just some of the things I need to over come in order to change my life and become healthy. And in all seriousness this is absolutely nessesary for me. My father, aunt, 2 uncles and grandmother have all had triple and quadruple bipasis in the last 6 years and I don't want that to be me. Heart disease is obviously prominent in my family and I want to be healthy for my son as well as set a good example for him.

I think I fair goal for this week is 30 minutes of excercise a day. I'm not going to worry about what I eat but concentrate on what not to eat without obsessing over it so much that I feel like I HAVE to eat it. Gah! This weeks mantra is "Self Control".

Also, stay busy!!! I'm moving in with my parents in 2 weeks while my husband is gone at basic training so I should stay busy with the packing.

I guess you just reminded me of me so i thought i would spill my guts also.I know exectly what you mean when you just have to have that blizzard, doughnut, cookie, etc.

I'm 5'5 also and I weigh 225. This was also my pre-pregnancy weight although i think that has more to do with my son being more like his father (skinny, high-metabolism, freaks :P) than it has to do with me.

I have stretch marks all over also, the back of my knees, stomach, sides, & arms all look like im bleeding, and the problem is, is that i got all of these before i was pregnant.

Ihave always had a problem taking the weight off unless im moving non-stop. I would rather sit and play with baby than have the hassle of taking him out places or walking around the house with him.

Before I got pregnant i had lost 10 pounds in one month simply by having fun. Me and my (skinny, high-metabolism) friend would actually power walk/jog (i hate running) to a kids park and make up an obsticle course on the equipement (slides-inverted sit-ups). I used to be a gymnast and i love that sport with all my heart, but i cant do anything serious without paying to use a gym.

Oh, and when i was trying to lose weight before, i didnt really tell my self how much i wanted to lose by a certain deadline, i just would tell myself how much i wanted to lose in general. Then i could be proud that i had lost ten pounds instead of thinking that it wasnt enough.

I have moved away from my (skinny, high-metabolism) friend and our park so i guess i will have to find something else to do.

GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!

I really need to learn some self control too.

I guess you just reminded me of me so i thought i would spill my guts also.I know exectly what you mean when you just have to have that blizzard, doughnut, cookie, etc.

I'm 5'5 also and I weigh 225. This was also my pre-pregnancy weight although i think that has more to do with my son being more like his father (skinny, high-metabolism, freaks :P) than it has to do with me.

I have stretch marks all over also, the back of my knees, stomach, sides, & arms all look like im bleeding, and the problem is, is that i got all of these before i was pregnant.

Ihave always had a problem taking the weight off unless im moving non-stop. I would rather sit and play with baby than have the hassle of taking him out places or walking around the house with him.

Before I got pregnant i had lost 10 pounds in one month simply by having fun. Me and my (skinny, high-metabolism) friend would actually power walk/jog (i hate running) to a kids park and make up an obsticle course on the equipement (slides-inverted sit-ups). I used to be a gymnast and i love that sport with all my heart, but i cant do anything serious without paying to use a gym.

Oh, and when i was trying to lose weight before, i didnt really tell my self how much i wanted to lose by a certain deadline, i just would tell myself how much i wanted to lose in general. Then i could be proud that i had lost ten pounds instead of thinking that it wasnt enough.

I have moved away from my (skinny, high-metabolism) friend and our park so i guess i will have to find something else to do.

omfg me too! im SO lazy and i never finish what i start i'll be working out for a couple days then after my rest days never pick it up again...and im a TOTAL boredom eater i hate it....

im litarly at the line of if i gain even a lb more im considered overweight im used to being small...i hate working out cause i feel like such a fat asss an like everyone is just talking about the chubby stubby girl working out..i hate how im so worried about it and working out at home?? forget it i feel retarded...

omfg me too! im SO lazy and i never finish what i start i'll be working out for a couple days then after my rest days never pick it up again...and im a TOTAL boredom eater i hate it....

im litarly at the line of if i gain even a lb more im considered overweight im used to being small...i hate working out cause i feel like such a fat asss an like everyone is just talking about the chubby stubby girl working out..i hate how im so worried about it and working out at home?? forget it i feel retarded...

im the same way.my weight has boomaranged my whole life.i was a chubby kid, then puberty hit and it turned to hips and boobs, then i had knee surgery and went from 5'2" 115# to 225 on a 5'2" framethen i lost most of it, got down to a 150 with measurments of 35/24/40 flat stomache nice round hips, a pretty nice size i think. but the only way i got there was working 50 hours aweek, starving myself, and popping pills like crazy(true but not proud of it)now im at 195 and stuggling so much. i want to loose weight for me my daughter and my hubby, but i am so lazy, and i eat so much its impossible. and i will NOT do pills again, before it was just me and i didnt care, but now its me and my daughter and my husband and they mean way to much.i have found a website though that has helped so far. its called thedailyplate.com and it calculates how many calories you need a day and tracks them and your exercise, even as little as driving or talking on the phone. also i went shopping and got a bunch of 100 calorie snacks to eat instead of sweets and chips and etc.i am doing the weight loss challenge that starts monday. hope to see you all there, we can support each other.

im the same way.my weight has boomaranged my whole life.i was a chubby kid, then puberty hit and it turned to hips and boobs, then i had knee surgery and went from 5'2" 115# to 225 on a 5'2" framethen i lost most of it, got down to a 150 with measurments of 35/24/40 flat stomache nice round hips, a pretty nice size i think. but the only way i got there was working 50 hours aweek, starving myself, and popping pills like crazy(true but not proud of it)now im at 195 and stuggling so much. i want to loose weight for me my daughter and my hubby, but i am so lazy, and i eat so much its impossible. and i will NOT do pills again, before it was just me and i didnt care, but now its me and my daughter and my husband and they mean way to much.i have found a website though that has helped so far. its called thedailyplate.com and it calculates how many calories you need a day and tracks them and your exercise, even as little as driving or talking on the phone. also i went shopping and got a bunch of 100 calorie snacks to eat instead of sweets and chips and etc.i am doing the weight loss challenge that starts monday. hope to see you all there, we can support each other.

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