Monday, December 28, 2009

How honest should I be?I've discovered about myself that I rarely honest with myself about things that I don't want to face. I just tend to ignore them, push them aside, tell myself I'll deal with it later.. But then the night comes and I have nothing to distract me. It's just me. It leaves me to deal with it and thus leaves me awake when I should be sleeping.

It drives me crazy.

I'm finding myself torn and dealing with these emotions that I didn't think I would have. I don't know what to do about them so I just don't do anything. Healthy? I think not.

I am going to dinner with a good friend tomorrow and that'll probably help. She is an amazing person that really understands me and if she doesn't just lets me vent until I feel better anyways. She is the only one who I can really go to (other than my mom) and really give me fantastic advice. I can't wait. I hate that we live in different cities.. I need help dealing with this silly out-of-nowhere emotions and she's the one to do that. Thank goodness for her. She's a blessing, for sure.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The new year (decade, actually) is coming upon us and I made a big life change: I am newly single. I dated Tyler fora little over 2 years and he is a truly amazing person; we just weren't meant for each other. We ended very amicably and still remain friends, thank goodness. I am doing alright. Luckily, I've been with family, making the reality easier. I have a feeling it'll be much harder when I go back down to Fort Myers and I'm alone. But I'll make it through.

I am going to SeaWorld with my mom, niece Katelynn, brother Mark, and my very good friend Elise, on Wednesday. My brother, Ben, works there and got us all free tickets!! I am very excited and hope that the weather returns to its normal warm winter weather. Tyler will also come down next week and we'll head to Universal once or twice to use us the last week of our annual passes. We definitely got our use out of it and it was very fun.

Then, it's my 21st birthday!!!! That will probably be uneventful, but fun, nonetheless. I hope to catch up with some friends this week and keep it a relaxing break before returning to a very difficult upcoming semester (anatomy and physiology 1, organic chemistry, and dynamics of aging -- fun?? I think so). I hope everyone enjoys the holiday season and stays safe. =)

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas, my friends!I had a pretty splendid day. I opened some presents, ate some good food, and hung out with my family. I got a lot of clothes [which i picked out --so i knew i'd love them] a new coach purse::(Coach.com)as well as various items, such as a signed Paula Deen Cookbook, Sperrys, and sunglasses. My brother got me a much needed DVD player. Yay.

Our family doesn't really have any "traditions" that we do on Christmas. We bascially wake up, open presents, eat breakfast, lounge, eat lunch/dinner, hang out. This year, we strayed away from our traditional dinner (which exactly replicated our Thanksgiving Dinner) and it was a nice break and tasted great. I made this recipe::

8 cups broccoli florets

4 garlic cloves, peeled and thinly sliced

Good olive oil

1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 teaspoons grated lemon zest

2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

3 tablespoons pine nuts, toasted

1/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

2 tablespoons julienned fresh basil leaves (about 12 leaves)

Place the broccoli florets on a sheet pan large enough to hold them in a single layer. Toss the garlic on the broccoli and drizzle with 5 tablespoons olive oil. Sprinkle with the salt and pepper. Roast for 20 to 25 minutes, until crisp-tender and the tips of some of the florets are browned.

It turned out very good. I was worried because I had never made it or tasted it and it was the only vegetable we had, so if I messed up, no veggies for us. Luckily, it was good. (I omitted the lemon zest though).

I hope within the next week to hang out with some of my friends. I have a week until New Year's, and then about a week until my birthday. Don't plan to be too busy, but hopefully enjoyable nonetheless. I love the holidays :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I made it home =) and shopped, all.day.long.It was marvelous.I also got a pedicure.I also founnd out I got straight A's this semester (in CHEMISTRY 2!!)I also got to see my beautiful niece and mini-me, Katelynn (and of course my wonderful family).It was a good day. No, it was a great day.

I hope tomorrow is just as good. My Aunt and Uncle fly into town and then in the evening we are going to P.F. Chang's to celebrate Ben's graduation from the culinary arts program. He's officially a chef. Yay.

I am still in a constant battle with myself trying to figure out my future. I believe I know the answer, and in the end, logic over emotions will win. It's hard to deal with some things, but I have to know I'm doing it for the right reason, and I am. Sometimes it's difficult to publicly (ha, like anyone reads this, but I can hope) announce that I am having problems, even though I'm hardly giving any detail. I'm not a very outwardly emotional person [excect to 2-3 people] and I judge myself far too harshly, but I think it's helping. It gets my mind in line and allows me to express myself to someone, anyone.

Anyways, on a positive note, it's almost Christmas and I'm thrilled. About 2 weeks after that is my 21st birthday. I get to eat my fave restaurant -- Carrabba's, Yippie!!! Then, when my parents get's back from the cruise, I get to eat Kobe with my family. Good food and great company, it'll be pure bliss.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

I get to go home tomorrow.Well, maybe.I take my FINAL EXAM tomorrow in Chemistry 2!! I have a solid A in that class, so to keep an A in that class, I need to get at least a 72 on the final. That's a great place to be, if you ask me! IF I finish at a decent hour, I'm going to just drive home, if not, I have to stay and leave early in the morning.

I am officially finished with all my Christmas shopping (except for Aunt Jane and Uncle Dave -- but mom promises to help me with that)A few weeks ago, I managed to find a gold Italian bracelet on the ground, that had been run over a few times.. I toook it around to a few places and ended up with $320!! That paid for all my Christmas presents. Thank Goodness for being at the right place at the right time.

I am very excited to go home, and I'll be there for a while, through my birthday (JANUARY 9!!!!!) I'll be 21!! Yippie.

Hopefully I'll get to hang out with old friends and just relax before starting a crazy semester. More to come :D

Saturday, December 19, 2009

I am going through a very difficult time. I don't really want to go into details, but the conflict is between my heart and my head. I am a VERY logic oriented person, definitely not feeling oriented so I know where it will most likely lead me and it is extremely difficult. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers while my mind and heart battle it out.

On other notes, Tyler and I exchanged Christmas presents last night.. He got me Harry Potter (YAY), but I asked him for it and it was very expected. BUT he also got me a $50 spa gift certificate!!!! Which, unfortunately, has created a new problem... what to get?!?! They have 4 different pedicures types -- tropical, peppermint, peppermint-lavender, and citrus and honey. But they also have a 30 minute tranquility massage in my price range.. Oh boy, what is a girl to do?!

We started off at TGIFriday's for dinner and then ventured over to the Cape to look at christmas lgihts. They really go all out over in the Cape. It's amazing. It was beautiful and we put Christmas music on in the background to really get us in the mood. Very enjoyable. Then, we went back to my place and opened presents and made a gingerbread house!!!

Tyler starting to make out gingerbread house.. Making sure it all stays together. :)

Me, with the decorating bag.

Our finished product :) It turned out pretty good and was very fun to make. Have you ever made a gingerbread house??

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I attended a funeral today for my mom's cousin, Bud. I called him Uncle Bud. I have no clue why :) okaHe was a tremendous person. He was in the military for the better half of his life as a pilot and at one point, working for the NSA, he LITERALLY had one of those jobs where he could say "If i tell you, I'll have to kill you." That's just the coolest.Although we saw his death coming (he had pancreatic cancer), and we got to say goodbye, it was still hard.The funeral was good. It was short and to the point, but very personal and filled with the people who loved him.

Unfortunately, at times like this (funerals in general) I get really sad. Obviously about the person whose funeral I'm attending but it reminds me of Andy's death. It's been 3 years since his death but memories of the funeral and the day I found out he died, and saying goodbye to him are still very much in my mind. I know that he's in a better place, and that the feelings never really go away, they just get easier to deal with, but I miss him.

To cover the pain, I'll just bury myself in chemistry and christmas :)

Saturday, December 5, 2009

I hate running.I started to like running about a year ago, and then I got hurt, had surgery, stopped running, and started to hate running again.I attempted to start running when it was SUPER hot and I was just miserable. It wasn't the pain of running and it wasn't the lack of motivation. I just HATED HATED HATED being SO hot and it's miserable to me. So, I stopped.I decided, since it's colder again, that perhaps if I get back into the habit of running and it's not so bad, that I will like running again come the hotter months. Tyler would like me to do that 5k Edison Festival of Lights, in February. If I start now, and continue 5-6 days a week, I could be ready to at least finish before some people.Now that I have a goal and some motivation, maybe liking running will stick.IF not, I asked for a bike for Christmas, so I'll get some exercise.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I've had absolutely nothing to say.I will change that briefly. I bought a new book today called "Character Makeover" and I'm SUPER thrilled to be starting it. It's a 40 day challenge that takes you through what the author thinks are the 8 needed characters in a Godly person. They are humility, confidence, courage, self-control, patience, contentment, generosity, and perseverance. I do indeed hope it works, I've been self-absorbed and I'm thinking that perhaps I'm the problem in my relationships, not always the other person. Hope it works :)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I knew that this whole move thing was going to be hard, but I was not aware that it was going to be this hard.

It's just hard coming home to the apartment -- alone -- and not getting to vent about the day with my mom or my roommate. I get to come home to an empty, dark apartment. I turn on the TV alot to keep myself company, and 'Gilmore Girls' have become my great friends.

It's hard to call my mom and her be out with brother or hanging with Kate and I didn't realize I would take it that hard. I want to be out with my mom or hanging out on the couch, doing nothing, but at least I'd be doing nothing with someone.

I don't really have any extra money to spend on eating out, so I eat most of my lunches in my apartment, and I can't go out and shop when I'm bored, in fear of finding something I like.. (and window shopping isn't fun).

I only go to class 2 times out of the week and the rest are online, so I don't get just go to campus and people watch between classes or just hang out hoping to find someone I know..

I know that I have Tyler, but he lives about 15 minutes away and he's working with someone now and likes to run alot, which doesn't leave much time to hang out.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My apartment is looking pretty great. I donn't have much decorations, but I've become a master sale shopper. I got 3 BEA-U-tiful pictures from the thrift store for 6 dollars :)

(This is just one.. the other one won't cooperate)

I've FINALLY got cable and internet working -- which comes just in time for my online classes.I also got a desk too, but it's not put together yet cuz it's incredibly difficult and poor Tyler is sick...But this this what it'll look like when it's put together ( the camera doesn't like taking pictures of the desk, apparently, it was the best I could get)

All is well, other than the fact that I miss a few people ALOT. But i'll survive! :)

Friday, September 4, 2009

I'm just so sick of students (college), in Florida, to be exact, complaining about how much money they have to spend on college tuition because Bright Futures cut some money off.

Are you aware that VERY few states even have a college assistance program? Are you aware that you are an incredibly blessed student to have any sort of FREE aid to help you in the first place? Are you aware that until 1997 people had to pay for college WITH NO HELP from the state?

You need to take a step back from your high horse and be thankful that you live in a state that is willing to help you in any way. You need to be thankful that an assistance program still exists for you to even get to go to college in the first place.

You should be grateful for everything -- ANYTHING, that the state is willing to give you, they don't have to!

Ask someone out-of-state how much they were willing to pay to go to college and get an education and maybe it will put it in prospective..

Sunday, August 30, 2009

I am officially moved into my new apartment in Fort Myers. I have made multiple trips to Target and Walmart (both which happen to be perfectly located) to get a few odds and ends...like lamps. They had NO overhead lighting, except for the dining table light.

Did you know lamps are expensive... and so is toilet paper, and paper towels, and laundry detergent and dish detergent and cable and internet. It's just so overwhelming -- especially with no current income.

Ok, off my soapbox..I don't have internet yet, I'm still looking for the best deal, so I will put up pictures when I can get my own internet fast enough to upload.

It's looking reallllly fantastic. My mom and I found an end table, coffee table, leather sofa, and leather chair from a friend for $100... It was for sure a steal. I also found a table for dinners on craigslist for $125 (originally from Pier 1) another steal. I also have a walk-in closet... which, I've decided, is a very bad thing, cuz it makes it seem like i don't have as many clothes as I know I do... :)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sunday, August 16, 2009

It's been 3 years yesterday since the death of a very special friend of mine named Anderson P. Maxey. He was 17 years old.

I stayed up late last night not being able to sleep and thinking to myself "Wow, that was 3 whole years ago..." I've gone through a senior year of high school and finished my first 2 years of college, all that he missed.

Alot has changed since he died. A group of friends that was once rock solid slowly diminished until we all went our separate ways -- he was our common bond.

Everything happens for a reason. I am still sad when I think about what used to be and what no longer is, but I know that it happened for a reason. The reason may not be visible to me, but he could have spiritually saved someone's life though his physical death.

God makes everything happen for a reason -- even though sometimes it seems tragic.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

I'm not sure if I'm ready for them...I am more sure and ready on some things than I've ever been or will be, but some other things... Gosh, I just don't know.

I wonder if these decisions should be based on logic or feelings, perhaps some of both? I'm not sure I can trust feelings, but logic! that never fails. Should other people be involved in these decisions, I mean, it is my life. I know that they can help, but they aren't living it....

How do I know that I'm not missing out on some fantastic opportunity because I decided to "stay put?" How do I know that what I've gone or decided is the right choice, ESPECIALLY if you've got something great...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A good friend recently got engaged -- a friend I've known for my whole life and is a year younger than me... making her 19.Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy that she's happy and her ring is just absolutely STUNNING, and really who am I to judge someone else's relationship, I just have some mixed feelings about it.

Here are a few things I think should be in order for 2 people to get married::(not judging any one couple, just from watching A LOT of silly high school friends go through it)

1. HAVE MONEY -- I'm not saying you need to be rich or anything, but enough to support yourself and your significant other. I completely understand unfortunate situations (like loss of employment) where help might be needed, but if you aren't married and don't have a job, save up for a while. A job at Subway or McDonalds probably won't support you AND someone else...

2. Date for more than a year (or 2) -- Those first months feelings are fantastic, but you need to see EVERY side of the potential person you'll be spending the rest of your life with -- not just the "we're still new at this -- I'm on my best behavior" side.

3. Be 21. You should be able to drink at your own wedding for goodness sake.

4. If you have to hide it from your parents -- you're probably too young or not mature enough.

5. Just because you are in love, or have been dating a long time, doesn't mean you're ready for marriage. Marriage is a serious commitment that takes a lot of work. Just a few things you have to pay for all on your own::-insurance-rent-utilities-car payments-cable/internet-cell phone-FOOD!!-entertainment...all that date money is now used on more important things.those add up to alot of money...

6. Have a plan. You need to be in sync with your partner and know what they have planned for the future, making sure it matches.

That's all I have for now.. Just my opinions =)And congratulations Elise and David...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I began my day by going to Publix. Let me take this second to say how much I LOVE Publix. It is clean, friendly, close to my house, and almost always has exactly what I want in buy-one-get-one-free!! AND, it's an entire place full of food (duh...)

So after letting my mom, so graciously, might I add, buy me food and a magazine I came home and read, i just LOVE reading.----->Side note: Don't you hate it when books leave you hanging and then you find out it's part of series..but the rest of the series hasn't come out yet? I hate it...

Then, my fantastic boyfriend came over and we went to over to get me an X-ray (that wasn't the so fantastic part, albeit important -- ya know making sure I have no scarring on my lungs...)

::My favorite part of the day:: On the way to the mall, I found a.....USED BOOK STORE!!!!! Oh my goodness, I was thrilled, absolutely thrilled. So after a couple illegal turns t, I get to go to the used book store. After an hour, but what felt like 10 minutes, we left. I only got one book, cuz I'm poor, but I found alot that I wanted -- for the future.

Then we went to the mall, not for long, and not for anything. We left. We came home and chilled for a while. Tyler slept on the couch while I read my book.

Soon, we were called for dinner. I was expecting this to be not so good. The recipe looked bland and my brother made it...but, oh boy, was I wrong. It was fabulous. Seriously, I ate too much. I will never doubt my brother or his cooking skills again :) After dinner we just hung out for a while.. my favorite thing to do with one of my favorite people.

Monday, July 13, 2009

After months of pain when and when I wasn't running I decided to see the doctor, ugh. I went to a family doctor who sent me to an Orthopedic doctor -- Dr. Bonenburger (name makes me laugh every time). So, I saw him, he ordered an MRI with fluoroscopy, which is where they inject dye into the hip joint so see if there's a tear in the joint. It's painful!!!! I got the results, got sent to another doctor, Dr. Ruess and then he said "you have a labral tear and a CAM impingement... a perfect candidate for surgery.."

Two weeks later, I have surgery -- repair the labral tear and shave the bone that causes the CAM impingement. Surgery goes great! Recovery...not so much.

I apparently don't do anesthesia very well and ended up with aspiration pneumonia -- which is where the acid from your stomach burns your lungs. Oxygen is supposed to be at 100 -- which is a normal breathing human. With the help of extra oxygen on the highest setting, I was at 78... ICU here I come. I was in ICU for 3 days... I don't recommend it... it's AWFUL. Nurses deserve WAY more money for the things that they have to deal with...

The aspiration pneumonia heals after 5 days - YAY. I see the doctor 2 days later and he goes "You're doing great, you only have the cruthces for 3 and half more weeks"...Ugh...But, I got some great arm muscles :)

So, after 4 weeks of physical therapy and walking on crutches, I took steps. Yippie.It wasn't as great as I thought it'd be.. I have to do things for myself again and my muscles were KILLING ME... but I can walk.

And in 3 months, I can run =)That's my story. I don't recommend hip surgery!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Harry Potter is coming out...Tuesday night. Which means that Harry Potter has been on ALL weekend. I, sad to say, have watched most of them...

I wasn't big into the whole Harry Potter thing when the books actually came out and I remember during the 6th book (i think) when Dumbledore died. I was going to be a sophomore and I was at band camp and EVERYONE was reading it. I had no friends since I was new and for some reason no one wanted to be friends with me so I sat at lunch in the hallway (near everyone hoping that SOMEONE would be nice....no one was) and listened to the discussion that was going on about what they think will happen when someone cries (literally) "DUMBLEDORE DIES!!!!!!!" So everyone freaks out and starts talking about it. THEN, someone came up to me and asked me about it, trying to be nice but I said I hadn't read it, and so I was outcast still...

A year or two later, my brother got the books and lent them to me so I could read them. I loved them. I will NOT however be going to see Harry Potter this week or weekened. I hate openeing weekends...I enjoy my movies without hundreds of teenagers and noise..

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Hey. This is my first blog. I tried a blog a while ago and well, that just didn't last. But I've decided to give it another go and tell more people about it and such.

I've chosen my title/domain site as 'Tune Thy Heart to Sing Thy Grace' from my favorite church song 'Come, Thou Fount.' It makes me tear up every time I hear and sing it and it's something that I want to thrive for. :)

About Me

I am a physician assistant in Family Medicine, Geriatrics, and Inpatient Rehab. I work hard with hopes of becoming a medical missionary one day. I love my family, friends, the beach, reading, and my peek-a-poo Nutmeg :)