Author
Topic: Please come to our party but there are some rules... (Read 6577 times)

loopey2u

A friend of mine just got an invite to an end-of-seaon party for her sons softball team. It's usually a big gathering, and the invitee (another mother of a player) generously offered to host the party at her home this year.

The house has a pool and a nice backyard. Perfect place to have a party.

Host called my friend up today to say that due to the amount of people that will probably be coming, she's going to have to enforce some "rules".

Rule #1 There will be no alchohol at the party.

Rule #2 The only people allowed in the pool will be the softball team members. Siblings of the team members will not be allowed to swim.

This is really not a rule, but I'm gonig to call it Rule #3 Host is also asking everybody to bring a lawnchair, so that everybody can sit outside.Host made it clear that she wants people outside, and not inside.

Guests were asked to bring a dish, and told that whatever funds the team had left over from the year would be going towards hot dogs and hamburgers.

What do you think? Is the host being incredibly rude by not letting the other kids swim, or is this appropriate because it really is a party for the softball team?

I guess I don't have a problem with #1, the host might be a recovering alchoholic adn not want alchohol at her home. No biggie. If guests cannot live without a drink for a few hours, maybe they should stay home.

#2 is not going to fly with every family that has siblings of the team member. There are going to be lots of crying kids if not everybody can swim. To me this is just being unreasonable, and mean.

#3, bring your own chair is not a big deal to me either. Do you think the fact that the hostess made it clear that she want's people outside and not inside was rude?

My friend is considering RSVP'ing that she's not coming because of the rules.

Would you go? It sounds to me like this lady doesn't want to have the party at all.

Rule #2 The only people allowed in the pool will be the softball team members. Siblings of the team members will not be allowed to swim.

This is really not a rule, but I'm gonig to call it Rule #3 Host is also asking everybody to bring a lawnchair, so that everybody can sit outside.Host made it clear that she wants people outside, and not inside.

#1: How old are the kids on the softball team? If they aren't of drinking age, that's your answer right there.

#2: The swim party is for the softball team members. It sounds like they are the invitees, not their whole families.

#3: Bring a lawnchair if you want to sit in a lawnchair. I suppose the host could go out and buy lawnchairs for the entire baseball team, but it also seems that this is an event being put on by a group and she is already graciously providing her backyard and pool for the party.

How big is the pool? If it's smaller than average, or even if it's not, there may be a safety concern about having too many kids in there. Someone could get jumped on, or not watched closely enough. Also, if there are a lot of younger siblings who cannot swim, having them in the pool with the big kids could be dangerous.I'm not wild about rule two, I think it's a little much to have kids near a pool and only let half of them swim, but I kind of see the point. It may also be a subtle way of insuring that only the softball team members come.The other two rules are fine with me.

I don't think rule #2 is odd. Actually, she's probably doing it as a safety issue. That's how I would see it. (unless the team paid for a lifeguard to be on duty? If so, then it would be odd) If I had a pool, I wouldn't want that many kids in the pool all at once. Not to mention that kids of all ages can get pretty rowdy.

And finally, when the team has a party...it's for the team, not for siblings. If there's going to be conflict, then the siblings should spend time with their grandparents or the parents should drop off the team-child at the party and then pick him/her up later.

Perhaps rule #2 is a gentle way to discourage non-team member siblings from attending? But since the parents are also invited, unless one wanted to stay home or they wanted to get a sitter, how would that really work?

Also, the practicality of keeping the siblings out of the pool will be fun. What will happen if a sibling jumps in the pool? They have to get out.

I can see a lot of whining and less fun for everyone. Is space in the pool or supervision a concern? Are they concerned about liability issues with not having a lifeguard?

2. This is probably a safety issue, but poorly timed and worded. After spending an entire season around these families, the hostess should have known how many kids were expected from the start. Keeping out the siblings is going to be problematic - I predict tantrums and tears and lots of early departures unless there is plenty of alternate entertainment planned. If I were a pool owner, I would hire a lifeguard any time I had a party just for my own peace of mind.

3. BYOChair is not unreasonable - who's got 3 dozen lawnchairs? - but, again the hostess sounds tactless in the way she presented this. There will be people in the house no matter what she does - I assume that's where the bathrooms are.

All in all, it sounds like this woman realized too late that she's in over her head and she's trying to backpedal back into her comfort zone.

I think attendance should be up to your friend's son - it's his team, season, celebration, etc. - but Mom should decide how long they stay and whether or not the rest of the family attends.

I would also suggest and start scouting around for a public venue to hold next season's party - since all the parents have to pitch in anyway, it would eliminate a lot of tension.

Have times changed that much in the past 20 years? I'm 33 and played softball for 10 years. Not once did I ever attend an end-of-season party where siblings were invited. And it wasn't a problem. My mom either dropped me off, or more likely I walked, or if a parent was required my dad went with me. It was just understood that the party was only for the team.

I agree that either the host either needs to only invite the members of the softball team and their parents, or allow everyone to swim, if they invite siblings as well. I assume that there will be smaller children at the party, as siblings? It's like sticking a candy jar out in the middle of the living room but telling everyone that only the older kids can eat it because the little ones get too hyper. Don't put something out there that is very desirable to kids and then say, "No, no. You don't get a turn."

Instead of saying siblings will not be allowed to swim, the hostess should have said that the party is meant to celebrate the achievement of the players, and to please not bring siblings. I can't imagine inviting other kids to the party (which is basically what she did) and then forbidding them to swim.

I don't know how the host worded the primary invitation but I do know, from tons of experience since my boys have been in sports for years, that oftentimes the party, though only for the team, parents will still bring siblings.

If the party is held at a pizza place or a park the siblings wouldn't be an 'issue.' But when it comes to someone's home, that's when the "extras" stand out and maybe the host is saying "no siblings" as a precaution ('cause she knows some parents will take all their children). It should be understood, from the get-go, that all TEAM parties are for the TEAM.

I have three children and both of my older ones have had team parties. (youngest not old enough for sports yet) We attend the parties as a family, unless it's at someone's home. If it's held in a public place, we all go. And DH and I purchase pizza, tokens, etc...for our other children out of our own pocket. It doesn't come out of the team money.

The OP's friend should drop off her son and pick him up later. She shouldn't make her son skip the party b/c the host doesn't want siblings in the pool. It truly is a safety issue to have too many kids in the pool.

Logged

ProperLady

I think this depends on the traditions of the team. The OP makes it sound like there have been parties in the past, and if those were for the team member plus "family" then that tradition should probably be continued, or people will get confused. As others have said, this hostess did not word things very well. She is probably afraid of several things. It sounds like she is afraid some of the parents will bring coolers of beer and proceed to get smashed while she lifeguards for a pool full of 30 kids. Or maybe she is afraid that there will be so many guests, that they will pour into all parts of her house and she is not comfortable with that. As a pool owner, I can say that I'm petrified when even one child is at a pool party, because it is so dangerous and so hard to maintain a totally safe environment.

Taking these issues one by one....First, if a person either can't afford to throw a party or doesn't want their house used for a party, they shouldn't volunteer, end of story. Second, if she is concerned about pool safety, there are nice ways to handle that. Third, a no alcohol rule and BYO chair are perfectly normal things to ask for, if it's phrased correctly. If these kids have been playing ball together for a season, everyone should have a basic idea of how many total kids there are among all of the families. She could use this information and then decide how to extend and word the invitation. You either invite players only and ask a few other parents to help supervise and lifeguard, or you invite families and deal with that.

Here is what I would have said in the invitation, "Our pool is only _____ big and if all families attend, we may have ____ children in the pool. I am very concerned about the safety of our children, as I'm sure you are. To ensure safety, could I get ___ other parents to please volunteer to help supervise the swimming children?" She could then enlist parents to help "rotate" kids in and out of the pool to maintain a safe number.

The alcohol thing is simple. You just state "this will be an alcohol free event". The not wanting people inside the house is trickier, unless you have a pool house with a bathroom. People WILL go in the house and will expect that they can use the kitchen, restroom and public sitting areas. When I don't want party guests in a certain room of the house, I close the door to that room. If a room is "open" for people to tour and/or hang out in I leave the door open and the light on.

People WILL go in the house and will expect that they can use the kitchen, restroom and public sitting areas. When I don't want party guests in a certain room of the house, I close the door to that room. If a room is "open" for people to tour and/or hang out in I leave the door open and the light on.

ProperLady, I like your solution to keeping guests out of certain rooms. I also hope that the hostess realizes that people will need to use the bathroom.

Like loopey2u's friend, I would be turned off by the sheer number of rules. With the exception of #2, most of these rules are reasonable on their own. However, I can see where carrying a dish and lawn chairs for an entire family might get difficult. The fact that she presented this list by phone would also worry me because I would wonder if she is going to come up with new rules that she expects everyone to follow.

One possible solution would be for one parent to take the son to the party, while the other parent stays home with any siblings (assuming there are other siblings). However, I would not recommend the friend or her husband leave the son alone at the party. If the hostess is really stressed out by having all these kids at her house, it might be a good idea for one parent to stay with the son in case the son wants to leave early.

Rule #2 The only people allowed in the pool will be the softball team members. Siblings of the team members will not be allowed to swim.

Then the siblings shouldn't be invited.

Quote

This is really not a rule, but I'm gonig to call it Rule #3 Host is also asking everybody to bring a lawnchair, so that everybody can sit outside.

This is reasonable to me although I think the backyard is going to be crowded.

Quote

Host made it clear that she wants people outside, and not inside.

I hope she plans to have toilets available.

Quote

Guests were asked to bring a dish, and told that whatever funds the team had left over from the year would be going towards hot dogs and hamburgers.

This was rude. The remaining funds should be returned to the parents, and she should not be asking her guests to bring dishes unless the party is a potluck, which it doesn't sound like.

Quote

What do you think? Is the host being incredibly rude by not letting the other kids swim, or is this appropriate because it really is a party for the softball team?

If this is really a party for the softball team, they are the only people who should have been invited. If she also invited family members, it is rude of her to exclude them from the pool.

Quote

I guess I don't have a problem with #1, the host might be a recovering alchoholic adn not want alchohol at her home. No biggie. If guests cannot live without a drink for a few hours, maybe they should stay home.

#2 is not going to fly with every family that has siblings of the team member. There are going to be lots of crying kids if not everybody can swim. To me this is just being unreasonable, and mean.

#3, bring your own chair is not a big deal to me either. Do you think the fact that the hostess made it clear that she want's people outside and not inside was rude?

My friend is considering RSVP'ing that she's not coming because of the rules.

Would you go? It sounds to me like this lady doesn't want to have the party at all.

« Last Edit: July 15, 2007, 12:51:22 AM by KeenReader »

Logged

I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.