Inspiration, ideas and information to help women build public speaking content, confidence and credibility. Denise Graveline is a Washington, DC-based speaker coach who has coached nearly 200 TEDMED and TEDx speakers--including one of 2016's most popular TED talks. She also has prepared speakers for presentations, testimony, and keynotes. She offers 1:1 coaching and group workshops in public speaking, presentation and media interview skills to both men and women.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

As a speaker and presenter, and as a public-speaking coach, I find psychology among the most useful tools for understanding audiences, how groups work, and how I interact with them. Now two women, a psychologist and a psychoanalyst, have shared their own public speaking fears--and the lessons they've gleaned from them.

Public speaking sure did teach me a thing or two. I learned that I'm never going to transcend fear, but I needn't let it stop me. I learned that survival is a perfectly reasonable goal to set for myself the first dozen or so times I face a dreaded situation. I learned to observe my worst mistakes in a curious, self-loving way. I learned to hang on to the life raft that is my sense of humor. I learned that I must show up. Good lessons for all of life.

This blog started out as a speech. To improve my skills as a public speaker, I joined Toastmasters International, an organization where members cultivate public speaking skills by studying manuals, practicing and helping one another. Soon after joining I was called upon to give my first speech. As I expected, all my old fears and insecurities emerged. Since that experience, I've given a number of speeches at Toastmasters, and yet continue to struggle with those same issues of performance anxiety. Realizing that I'm not alone with these feelings, I wanted to share my experiences with you.

She starts by remembering her childhood and its impact on her fear of public speaking:

Rules for girls were different than for my brother. Girls were to be ladies at all times, no matter what. To call attention to oneself or to express opinions that differ from others was not okay. It was important to always let other people think they're smarter, and a girl was always, always supposed to be modest in every way. Bragging was completely unacceptable, as was any display of negative emotions.

She notes that her speaking challenges go beyond fear, calling it "a deeper underlying issue for me than anxiety and that is dread of shame over exposing my anxiety." (That's despite the fact that most audiences can't tell you're anxious, which is why I advise you to fake it until you make it, confidence-wise.)

While both women make clear the barriers they see, they also express a lot of resilience in tackling them. What are your takeaways from their lessons? Do you see something similar in your own speaking? Share your own lessons in the comments.