Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

I think I'm a lost cause

I can't seem to muster up the strength that so many other people seem to be able to do. I haven't been able to stick with a no contact rule. I haven't been able to tell my husband to take a hike. I haven't even been able to stay angry with him!

It seems so easy for others to do what they need to do, to protect their hearts and start healing. Why is it so hard for me? Why do I keep having hope when clearly, others see there is none? Why can't I see my husband as others see him?

I start getting in the right frame of mind, getting objective, moving forward .. and next thing I know, I'm second guessing myself.

I fear I'm going to live with a broken heart the rest of my life; never completely letting go of this man I gave SO much of myself to.

My stbx is the one who left and the one who has cut off all contact. Just when I think I am strong enough to deal with it all, something comes right along and fucks up my world. The only good thing I can tell you is that there are more good days than bad.

Just keep your chin up. We all have felt like that along this journey. Stay strong and focus on you, not on him or what is missing. You will get through this and we will all be here with you when you do. Good luck to you, and be good to yourself. (((((((((hugz))))))))

Oh, 2, I don't think it's easy for others to do what they need to do. But people come on the board in different stages of their divorce/break up, different situations. I came on this board more than a year after I knew my marriage was over so my frame of mind is different than someone who's spouse just left.

I had the same fear you did, more than a year ago. I can remember sobbing in my counselor's office, what if I never stop loving him?

And like you, I had hope WAY after my marriage was over. Everyone else saw it. Not me. I still tried this past spring to connect with him. I was the last person to know it was really over.

All I can say to you is be easy on yourself. Be kind to yourself. You are making progress, but it might not be easy to see right now. It takes time time time time time. And then some more time.

You are going to get to that spot where you don't love him the way you used to. Or you loved the person he way, but recognize he is no longer that person.

I just knew I didn't want my life to be over, and stuck loving someone who didn't love me back, nor deserved my love. And that was my thought that kept moving me forward.

Hang in there. You are moving forward! You will continue making progress! (((HUGS)))

2ofus..it may seem easy for others to do what they need to do but believe me..it isn't. It doesn't mean that you are weak by not letting him go..just means that you love and care for him..nothing wrong w/that. You will know when the time is right to have no contact w/him and to let him out of your life. It's a tough, emotional decision. Healing hug to you... M

Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost . . . I am helpless
It isnt my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I dont see it.
I fall in again.
I cant believe I am in the same place.
But, it isnt my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in . . . its a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

It's very difficult, I went through the same thing myself. For a long time I was hoping my wife would come back, would somehow change her mind. I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes I still find myself feeling that way, and I just remind myself of what she did to me.

The task may seem ovewhelming, but you can do it. The first step for me was to cut regular contact with my stbx. When I came in contact with him, it had to be over business (divorce agreement and separation of possessions and accounts). I refused to deal with anything else including the reasons for his cheating. I knew I would never get an honest answer in that department. Somehow I knew I had to remove myself emtionally from the situation. I realized he was playing with my emotions to get what he wanted. Treat him as you would a client. I also made a plan of action (a list). It was pretty sketchy, but I had one.
I have been dealing with the divorce for 17 months now and I still take a dive at time. It is a tough road we have to walk, but we'll make it one step at a time. Good luck.

I have been thinking the same thing of myself all week long. I decided that I won't go all the way cold on the no contact, but I am slowly moving toward it. I don't answer as many txt or calls or emails. I figure if my strength comes slowly, so be it, at least it is coming. Take your time, you will get there when your heart is ready for it. The longer I take it slow, the easier it is getting to ignore, and the more he tries to get me to fall again. Good luck to you, I hope you find your way, I know you will.

A quick look at your profile and I notice you have only been here five months, unless I read it wrong. Your relationship probably last longer then 5 months. Every one is different there is no set time table but time is the key. Give yourself some time, its still early you will get there.

your post today is exactly where i am today. People keep telling me to get over it basically. How can it be that easy after 18 yrs. - we had a life together I can't just pretend we didn't. I don't know how other people do it. I am still hanging on by my fingernails everyday. I still want to pick up the phone and talk to him, but I know he doesnt care and then I just hurt worse.

Oh. there are a lot of us in this same boat! I can not seem to cut contact with STBX either. Not even sure I want to which is a whole other issue. I am not the one calling him. He is calling me and telling me that he needs to talk to me but then I am always questioning whether he is getting his cake and eating it too. These are just difficult things to deal with and we are all going to struggle with different issues but just remember you are not alone. There are great people on here who feel exactly the way you do and we will all get to the other side. we just have to realize that the road is a little longer than we thought. Hang in there. My prayers are with you!

2ofus, I too am in the same boat. I was just thinking yesterday, it's as if I am #30 in a class of 30 kids (I work in a school, that's why I thought of that). At the beginning of the year, some poor kid tests #30 in reading, someone tests #30 in math(luckily they don't know it)--well, I feel as if I am #30 in moving on. I feel as if I must be the slowest one on DS. But even those kids who start out at #30 learn and move along all year in school. (In fact, those kids often improve the most.)

My husband moved out 2 years ago next month. There was a long, long period (1 1/2 years) in which he gave very ambiguous mixed (or no) signals. I chose to use this time to completely hope for reconciliation. Now he is giving loud-and-clear signals that he is done, moved on, happy without me, no hope.

Even now, I realize how in many subtle and not-so-subtle ways I am resisting disentangling our lives. I too have trouble even getting angry. On some level, I just don't want to start moving forward as an independent being. It is starting to occur to me that, not only is this not accomplishing anything, but it is also holding me back and making me feel weak. I think anyone else would have figured this out at least a year ago. But I am bumbling along, and I will get there.

You WON'T live with a broken heart the rest of your life. Not only will your heart heal, it will be stronger. You are healing in your own unique way, the way it is right for you.

2 of us. I feel the same as you, believe me. I have always been a positive person, believing people can change or redeem themselves if they've done wrong. I believe in second chances. My daughters tell me I'm the most forging person they know, sometimes too forgiving. No matter what my husband does, he can manage to sweet talk me, giving me lame excuses or apologies, and I forget about all the lying and cheating and believe what he's saying. Or think I'm making more of it than it is (his rationale). Certainly part of it is love, part of it may be codependency and maybe even love addiction. How do you separate what you really feel from what may be dependency issues that you have? I don't think it's that easy for the great majority of people to close off their hearts and move on, but some are more independent, self sufficient, or even self absorbed or angry and may have an easier time separating. All I know is that I've given my stbx too many chances, believed too many stories, only for him to continue to lie and cheat and I just can't do it anymore. It's not that I love him any less, or don't still want him, I do. And in his own self absorbed all-about-me way he still wants me and wants to come home. But I just can't allow myself to go down that road again because it will lead to the same place. The strength to try to go on comes from the fact that I don't have any choice. I have to take the other road now, to a new and strange place that I haven't even consiodered in many years.

I continue to second guess myself, sometimes on a daily basis. But the ONLY hope we'd have is if he goes for treatment for his problems, and that's not likely. So I go in the only direction I can, as so many others here are also doing. I do think in time we'll get over our broken hearts, but we can only do it without their influence in our lives.

Not sure if I helped or just rambled, lol. But you're a good person. Remember that and stay strong.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...

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