Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Ummmm.... Let's just say I didn't want people to see more of my toosh than I wanted them to.

*sigh*

Yeah. I had a hole in my pants. BUT! I didn't let that stop me from doing something interesting and fun (for me, at least).

I was out at Pea Ridge National Military Park, which is a Civil War site. (The Union won that battle. WOO HOO!!) I decided to go on a search.

To explain, I did something new. Something.... well, a little uncomfortable for me. I made a video. Yup. Now keep in mind that I don't even like pictures of me right now so video is that uncomfortableness times a gazillion!!!

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Eh - the number doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'm starting again. And that I'm determined to make it stick this time around.

Did I really start this blog 5+ years ago? Seriously? I feel like Oprah when she said, "I can't believe I am still talking about my weight!" Not in the fact that weight is supposedly a newsworthy topic, but that that the struggle has continued so many years later!

I'm not saying that I'm going to have it all figured out. To be honest, I will probably trip and fall.... a lot. A lot, a lot. But as I've always said (and stolen from somewhere/someone else), if it isn't hard, it isn't worth doing.

Right?

No really, I need convincing.

:)

So in the spirit of convincing myself, here are:

1.Because of this before and after:

That's right boys and girls. The black shirt is something I would have worn to work out back in the day. The white shirt is what I fit into now. My old shirt wouldn't even cover one breast nowadays. *sigh* Man, that's depressing.

.

.

Positivity! I have it. :)

2. Because I really need to have the horrible decision of
choosing which guy I want to date. Who will it be? Henry Cavill? Tom
Hiddleston? Tom Welling? Chris Evans? (Sadly, Chris Hemsworth, Hugh
Jackman, etc. are all happily married. Damnit.)

It's okay boys. Really. You are all great. But I just have to go with the guy who is right for me.

3. Because I would
like to hike the Grand Canyon without inadvertently killing myself.
(Sidenote: Accidentally keeling over is a bad, bad thing.)

5 cont'd.I had an issue with inflammation of the cartilage that sits between the sternum and the ribs. The doctor took a chest x-ray just to make sure there wasn't anything else going on. The conversation went something like this.

Doctor: Everything looks pretty good. I do see some wear on your spine, but nothing else. It seems...Me: Wait wait wait... can you go back to the spine thing?Doctor: Oh.. well, there's some wear there, but it's typical for someone with large breasts to have the kind of wear.Me: Are you saying that my breasts are eroding MY SPINE?!?!?!Doctor: Well... yes, but like I said, it's normal to see that.Me: I like my spine the way it is thank you very much!

Sooooo... yeah.... I want my spine to stay the way it is.6.Two words: boob sweat.Yes, it's a thing.7. It would be easier to paint my toenails.8. Halloween costumes become AWESOME.

Image from: http://rileahvanderbilt.com/2013/09/wonder-woman/

Also in this thread of reason: - MUCH cuter underwear- MUCH less expensive bras9. More flexibility for....... ummm........ more flexibility. *insert angel's halo here*10.I don't like for me to see me like this. It makes for a lot of missed opportunities. So there ya have it!! My top ten reasons for losing weight. Do you have any to add??

Thursday, October 2, 2014

As I near the end of my duration here in Masters-of-Engineering-ville, I went to a career fair in hopes that I would find the company I was meant to work at. I got a new outfit, curled my hair the way that gets me the most compliments, had my CV ready... I felt good.

I walked in, all confident-like. The girl in front of me was a young, pretty thing. She was an engineering version of Olivia Pope. The svelte body, killer suit, but with long blond hair, curled so elegantly to the middle of her back. We both headed up the stairs, while a young man from one of the companies was coming down the stairs. Wouldn't you know it. He stopped the young woman and
said to say that she should come by their table.

So, obviously, being right behind her, he would say the same thing to me right?

Wrong.

He looked right at me and said nothing.

Such is my life. It isn't the first time. At my last employer, it was made painfully obvious that what they really valued wasn't how you did your job, but how you looked. Aside from comments directed at me, another instructor in the department got an award at the monthly faculty meeting for weight loss.

It has become completely evident that I have a bias against me. And really, it isn't anyone's fault but my own. I wasn't always this way. But the last decade+, I let my bosses, co-workers, etc. dictate to me how my life should be run. For the last decade+, all I've done is work. I stopped doing everything I felt was fun. (With the exception of hanging with friends whenever I could.) And over the years, the pounds just packed on.

And on.

And on.

And yesterday, it became clear that my weight has affected every single aspect of my life. Not just the active (or rather my now inactive) part, or the relationship part, but the professional part as well. Frankly? I'm quite tired of it.

But I know it that even though I'm tired of it, that doesn't mean that *POOF*, I'll magically be able to change things. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to try!! And if I fall down, I'll pick myself right back up and keep going. Right? :) Details to come......

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

You know when youfinally (and I do mean finally) get in a groove where you feel like you are your old self, where you crave being outdoors, in nature, and being active? Why is it that that's when nature decides to pee on your parade??

No really, mother nature peed on my parade. i.e. It has rained for like two weeks. And I have been sitting like a lump of lard since then. Albeit, that would be my fault entirely. I could have been doing something active. I just didn't. Even dancing naked around my apartment would have been better than what I did the last two weeks. Not that I dance naked around my apartment.

No really. I don't. All it would take is one glimpse at myself in the mirror and I would a) sob violently while questioning my life choices, b) re-inact the truffle shuffle scene from the Goonies, or c) make me go catatonic for at least 2 hours.

But really, I just took the garbage out to the dumpster and my legs said, "Dude. This is the most we have done in two weeks! What the hell??? Go run around the block. No? Okay - do 10 flights of stairs at least. AH! DO SOMETHING!!!"
.

Now, where was I?? Oh yeah, last time I showed up, I was living in Florida with a new position at Embry-Riddle. Unfortunately, I'm not there anymore. Where am I, you ask? What thrilling and exciting thing am I doing??

Well, being the masochist that I am, I'm back in school.
Yeah. I know.

I decided to go back to school to get a degree in mechanical engineering, which, hopefully, will allow me to become gainfully employed doing something cool that will pay me a decent salary. Yup, I live in fantasy land. I'm aware.

So here's the deal.

In the light of my desire to be brutally honest with you guys, yes, I've gained a bunch of weight back. It doesn't mean it will stay, but I feel the need to be upfront about it. It's kind of like FA - Fats Anonymous. The first step is admitting you have a problem. "My name is Jules, and I just had three Skinny Cow Chocolate Truffle bars. I couldn't help it. Have you had them?? It's like chocolate-y heroin!" I really didn't have three just now. But I might have at some point in my past.
... or several points...
... or a lot of points....

The other big thing that has happened is that I turned 40 last October. Or as my mother said, I turned 30-10. While I had a great birthday weekend with friends in New Orleans, I have to admit, this birthday kind of wigged me out. What does this mean? My metabolism becomes nonexistent? Men suddenly have no use for me? I accidentally pee a little bit when I sneeze?? WHAT HAPPENS?!?!

I'll tell you what I hope happens. I hope that this is my f***ing decade, that's what! I hope that my 40s are the best of my life as of yet! Heck yeah!

That's what happens.

Right????

Catch you in the next blog post!!! Have a great weekend and I hope you come back. :)

Sunday, September 25, 2011

First of all.... thank you for giving me an outlet to procrastinate some of the work I have to do.

Okay. I'm just going to spit it out. This weekend I... I am going......

I am going to my 20 year high school reunion.

OKAY!! I'll say it louder. I am going to my 20 year high school reunion.

I have to say that it has been a little nerve wracking leading up to this thing. I mean, I wanted to have my hot, rockin' body. But.... *looks down*

*sigh*

That's just not happening. I will be extremely excited to see my friends again. But I am very self conscious about the way I look. I feel like I have to excuse it. However, I will try to not be conscious of it while I am there. After all, I have some great achievements. How is it that I can have my life together in other areas but I am self conscious about my weight?

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I won't make a list of excuses but I'll fill you in on what has been going on with me this last year.

For those of you who saw my posts about my kitty, she ended up dying in October last year. I had her for 17.5 years of her 19 year life. So it was, needless to say, very sad. I did adopt a cat from the local Animal Control Authority in Feb. I went there to just look. Just look!!! And what happens? I adopt one. But she's adorable. It was a good decision.

Then, in April, my puppy dog died very suddenly. He was my buddy boy. He was just shy of 13 years old. And I miss him lots and lots and lots. Okay, I'm changing subject since talking about this makes me sad.

BUT!!! On a big life change note! I moved from California to Florida. I KNOW! Quite the move. I came out here to take a visiting professor job at Embry Riddle Aeronautical University. (Hopefully it will turn into something more permanent.) I'm really loving the job so this is a good thing! However - to get here, I had to drive across country.

Wyoming close to the Utah border.

I did take some pictures on the way. Instead of taking the southern route through Arizona, New Mexico, etc. I went the northern route so I could go through Colorado. My friend, Katie, agreed to come with me on my road trip. There were some extremely picturesque parts of the drive.

(I didn't take pictures through Kansas. Because... well, there wasn't anything to take pictures of.)

Elvis' Boyhood Home in Tupelo, MS.

After stopping at my hometown, we headed on towards Florida. On the way, we passed through Tupelo, MS. We thought it was a good idea and decided to stop by Elvis' old boyhood home. I thought my apartment had been small? That was NOTHING to this small two room house.

The Magic Kingdom

When we finally got to Florida, Katie and I went to DisneyWorld. I wanted to thank her for being cooped up in the car for so long! (And for her doing the driving through Kansas. Which deserves more than just a trip to DisneyWorld.)

Post STS-135 Launch

And the BEST thing about getting out here to Florida: I got to see STS-135 launch!!!! (I'm a space geek so this is a big deal for me.) I can't believe that I had never seen a shuttle launch before. But this was the most amazing thing I have EVER seen.

Atlantis after Landing

I got see see Atlantis come home and give my love to her. Yes, I'm aware that it is an inanimate object. But she seems real to me!

Being so close to the space coast just adds to the coolness factor of living here. I do love it. Well, with the exception of the humidity. Holy heckfire! What is with this humidity?!?! I like my job. And while I am working... a lot.... I'm still managing to find time to have some "me" time. I even got a trainer at a local gym!!

So here comes the confession.... with all of this crap that went on.... I gained weight back. A lot of it really. I'm trying very hard to get back on the wagon. Getting the eating back on track, getting exercise in. (Oh - which is hard because I now have a stress fracture in my foot. But it's healing.)

Cross your fingers for me! And I'll be back here soon. PROMISE! (And I mean it!)

We all know how hard and torturous weight loss can be right? Kind of like..... climbing out of a pit of lard. Here, I will document my trials and tribulations of my weight loss process in all of its gory detail. From diet to exercise to how I'm treated by people in the world. I'll explore my mental blocks and what I did to overcome them. And yes, I may post pictures from time to time. THAT is how committed I am. So let's go!