Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Choices have consequences

before I line up behind your banner proclaiming that ‘More Than Half The Housework Is Unfair!’ I have a couple of questions for you:

1. Before pairing up with your current ‘spouse,’ how did you attempt to filter your dates to eliminate ‘domestic non-helpers’ and attract men who were more domestically inclined?

2. Who was considered more socially dominant and/or higher on the social hierarchy when you first started going out? You, or him?

3. Who explicitly asked who out first? You, or him?

4. Who was making more money when you first started going out? You, or him?

5. Who explicitly initiated sex first? You, or him?

Now, if your answers are “not really anything,” “him,” “him,” “him,” and “him,” and then I trust you can see the problem. But there are those who will read this that might be a little slower than you, so I’m going to spell it out. What you’re asking for is for your post-courtship relationship to be even-steven, even though before and during courtship you were perfectly happy to enjoy the benefits of a wildly imbalanced relationship where the man took on all the risks of overt rejection, and where your standards had nothing to do with finding a man with egalitarian values. Instead you chose one who embodied the dominant, high-on-the-social-hierarchy, patriarchal values that you now chafe against.

I'm impressed. There is literally nothing here to mock. Dear Feminist is correct, as it is both hypocritical and illogical to select for one behavior pattern pre-marriage, then expect another one post-marriage.

Of course, this applies to anti-feminist men just as well as feminists. If the woman you're dating is a hot pig, she's not going to magically transform into Little Mrs. Houseproud and start polishing the silver just because you marry her. If she can't bother to work out now, don't be surprised when she puts on 30 pounds in the next year or three. And if she's a raging nymphet who can't ever get enough, don't be shocked when she shags the pool boy, the UPS man, and your neighbor.

People grow and mature, but they seldom change at their core. That doesn't mean a slut can't reform, a player can't retire, or a messy individual can't learn to clean the house only that they will have to make a conscious and continuing effort to do so. The important thing to keep in mind is that marriage is a commitment, it isn't some sort of magic transmogrification ritual.

17 comments:

It's also logical that feminists would favor easy divorce. Most women, including feminists, who say they want this even/steven partnership sort of relationship get really frustrated when the man won't initiate sex, assert authority in the household or take responsibility for things without having detailed negotiations and a Listening Session to figure out how everybody feels about a particular crisis. Biology isn't destiny, my ass.

Gak. Feminism - past equal pay for equal work - is just so many lies piled atop one another.

"When I started counseling I saw our work as serving the mother-child dyad. I wanted to help the woman and save her unborn baby. Over time I began to see more and more the frayed communal fabric in which these women and children are wrapped. I began to appreciate the connections they lacked—to their own fathers, to their children’s fathers, to happily married couples who could serve as models, to churches where they were nurtured and shown God’s love. Now I see my job primarily as helping women find people in their own communities who can give them support, advice, and most of all the hope that married love is possible."

One problem some women have is the understanding of the subjectivity of 'clean'.Apart from everyone having personal guidelines as to messy vs. clean vs. anal retentive, men tend to have a more relaxed definition of clean than women. So, when a girl says a guy is messy, or not doing 'his fair share of the work' it really means, 'He isn't clean to my standard.' Equality is absurd and no one can do half the work to the satisfaction of all involved.

My wife brought up the "unfair balance" issue in regards to homework, but had to admit that she didn't really like the idea of me doing the cleaning. I am picky at some things, but my standard of clean is not hers,

I have been gaining some points by demoing a bathroom we will remodel. Slow process since we are doing it cheaply, but more along my lines.

So, while I am no roving reporter I am endeavoring with my menial reporting skills, to bring you. Both the content and presentation of news are drastically different from what it used to be. Committee on Gulf War and Health: Health Effects of Serving in the Gulf War, Update 2009.