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Pothole Fatalities Spur City of Portland into Action

Trey Dickov had never seen anything like it in all the time he has lived in Portland. He remembers back to a simpler time, precisely fourteen days ago, when the idea of a pothole actually ingesting an entire car, with a family of six trapped inside, seemed far fetched. Welcome to Portland, Oregon.

So, you want to move to Portland, do you? Well, Mr and Mrs Hipster, good luck with that. According to a CBSNews study of the nine worst cities to own a car, Portland ranked sixth worst. That was before the potholes had decided they had enough.

It started on a little out of the way street just before you crossed over the Gresham city limits and abandoned whatever meager hope you had left. A pot hole that Portland police are identifying only by the name of Dale resided. He lived a non descript life for many years in the middle of a quiet neighborhood, growing a little each year but nothing more. Dale found contentment in being an annoyance more than anything more serious.

Both the Portland Department of Transportation and the Oregon DOT see a million Dales a year and ignores everyone of them. Both DOT, when contacted for comment as to why responded that wasn’t their responsibility.

Tonight, as the city looks for answers and mourns the lives of those lost, one question remains. How stupid are our elected officials?

“This pothole here,” a Portland council member, who requested he not be named, when the pothole in a busy part of Division St. on the east side, “it’s been here for no more than a week.”

It was in fact celebrating its sixteenth birthday and, reportedly, during the uprising swallowed a whole bus of school children.

Now, the focus falls on the city and its elected officials. Will they protect their constituents after all the bloodshed? Are they in the pocket of the pothole special interest?

“Look at it this way,” the city official mused. I can state with utter certainty that the city of Portland has fewer potholes than Baghdad.