Friday, 4 April 2014

Same-sex marriage will help spread the message that Gay is OK

Heather
Peace Independent/UK 30 March 2014

Earlier this
week I was the guest speaker at the school assembly for Carshalton High School
For Girls. I was invited by pupils who told me the school was celebrating the
legalisation of equal marriage and spreading the phrase ‘Gay is OK’. As someone who remembers Section 28 all too
clearly, I readily accepted the invitation. The whole morning spent with these
wonderful teenagers and their teachers was both moving and inspiring.

For
the past three years, I played Nikki Boston in BBC One school drama Waterloo
Road. Every single day I received messages on social media from kids
struggling to deal with their sexuality or with gender issues. Struggling
because of homophobic bullying, because the phrase ‘that’s so gay’ has become a
way to describe something that’s rubbish, because they don’t know how to speak
to their peers or their families and because they feel lesser by admitting that
they’re gay.

At
Carshalton High School, we talked a lot about language and why it’s so
important to consider the words we use and how they’ll affect other people. I
also explained that, for me, this is one of the main reasons that equal
marriage is so important. My partner and
I had a beautiful Civil Partnership last year and since we’d already spent five
years together, I was unprepared for the very subtle, gorgeous change that your
relationship experiences when you make those vows. A feeling of security and
calm came with having made the commitment, of telling each other, in front of
all of the people we love, that this is forever.

I’ve
described this to many people who have then asked why we really need equal
marriage if a civil partnership looks the same, feels the same and by all
accounts is the same. There are obviously a few legal differences with regards
to wills, pensions and the fact your ceremony can't take place with any
religious context. But the biggest difference is simply language. By calling it
something else, we constantly reinforce to wider society and, most importantly
to the next generation, that same sex partnerships are different, that they are
somehow less. Less important, less real, a lesser love.

The passing
of equal marriage will send a message to young people struggling with their
sexuality that their future relationships matter. One day they will have the
choice to commit to the person they love in exactly the same way as their
straight friends. It will tell them that their love is not different and it
will also send exactly the same message to straight kids.

There’s a
long way to go until our society achieves equality for LGBT people and we must
not forget the bigger struggles faced by our brothers and sisters internationally.
But equal marriage is a massive step and even if the tradition of marriage
isn’t something you’re interested in, then just having the choice to reject it
is something to celebrate.

The ‘Gay Is
OK’ assembly at Carshalton High School was organised completely by the students
and included dances, videos and speeches. I left feeling incredibly optimistic.
With a bit more pressure, campaigning and fighting from our generation, the
next generation will ridicule the fact that we had to fight at all.

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About Me

I am not an academic. I have been a commercial beekeeper in New Zealand for most of my working life, except for four years in detention as a conscientious objector during WW2. Those years were particularly formative for me. I have retained my horror of war and the suffering still being caused by armed conflict and violence in so many places. My convictions have been nurtured by my Methodist church connection, though my pacifism has been deplored by some good people.

Expect no slick answers here; I am still a searcher myself. How can a just and peaceful society develop from this chaos, and what are the obstacles in the way?

Most of the articles posted here are from other sources. I look for writers, wherever they can be found, who can throw light on what is happening in our world. If you would like to learn a little more about myself, please read this biographical interview series conducted by my granddaughter, Kyla.