When I Have Time by Sara Rossohttp://whenihavetime.com
Tech Tips, Biz Info and How-Tos to Bridge the Gap between Meek and GeekSun, 02 Aug 2015 08:14:28 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/http://1.gravatar.com/blavatar/d2adfbefe2f4346f57360586498feca7?s=96&d=http%3A%2F%2Fs2.wp.com%2Fi%2Fbuttonw-com.pngWhen I Have Time by Sara Rossohttp://whenihavetime.com
To My Girlfriends: How to be an Independent Woman in a Relationshiphttp://whenihavetime.com/2015/07/27/to-my-girlfriends-how-to-be-an-independent-woman-in-a-relationship/
http://whenihavetime.com/2015/07/27/to-my-girlfriends-how-to-be-an-independent-woman-in-a-relationship/#commentsMon, 27 Jul 2015 09:54:40 +0000http://whenihavetime.com/?p=7093]]>

I’ve been lucky to have great girlfriends in my life, many of whom have been in relationships now for a decade or more, or several relationships across several decades. They’re married, single, divorced, single mothers, married with children, married never wanting children, living with their partners, doing long distance relationships, or just doing their thing.

Each relationship is incredibly different, just like each woman is incredibly different. Talking to them through the years, however, and through my own experience, it’s become clearer to me that there are some things all women in any relationship could be doing to nourish their independence in parallel while still being committed to the relationship.

You can love wholeheartedly and also be responsible about your future. Loving and trusting someone is not mutually exclusive with investing in yourself and and enriching your independence.

And most importantly, a relationship doesn’t have to have even a hint of discord or dissatisfaction for a woman to take an active role in the financial side of things. You can bring back additional knowledge and perspective into the couple, enriching both of you in the process.

Prudential’s study Financial Experience & Behaviors Among Women highlights that while “A full 95% indicate that they are directly involved in their households’ financial decision-making; 25% are the primary decision-makers. Eighty-four percent of married women say they are involved in financial and retirement planning and, of these, 15% have sole responsibility,”yet still “Fewer than two in 10 women feel ‘very prepared’ to make wise financial decisions. Half indicate that they ‘need some help,’ and one-third feel that they ‘need a lot of help.'” [source]

Increasing your independence is good for the couple, and it’s good for you, too. Giving space and attention to your own independence is not only important for the relationship you’re in, but also in the case of the potential end of a relationship, or as a result of an unfortunate accident or health problems which can leave you scrambling to make arrangements and important decisions while you should be grieving.

The focus of this article is uncomfortable. Talking about female independence, finances, love, privacy, trust, and longevity of relationships as they all relate to each other is uncomfortable. We can make things more comfortable by talking about them. By acknowledging them. You don’t have to agree with me completely, but you should be able to acknowledge that there’s a spectrum of solutions for everyone, and taking a more active and independent role will benefit both you and your partner.

If you’re a man reading this, don’t you want your partner to feel confident and prepared to make wise financial decisions together with you, or without you if you’re unable? Go through this list with your partner, and make sure you’re both taking steps for financial and emotional health.

Here’s advice to my girlfriends.

Have financial talks early and often.

The most important thing to talk with your partner about (after perhaps, sex, and how great it is and how often to do it) is how to approach your finances. You should revisit these talks often, like annually or semi-annually, and again with major purchases, job changes, general risk taking, and other financial situations.

Financial talks shouldn’t be a bummer. Make these talks enjoyable, like planning a mini-financial retreat (complete with a great dinner and perhaps a staycation or hotel stay) so that you can see these as power boosts for the couple (taking charge of money, yay!) rather than a nagging thing you have to do and subsequently want to avoid.

Have your own money.

It’s not really important who is the breadwinner and who isn’t. If you’ve already had your financial conversations, you know how much each of you can bring to the table with regards to your shared common goals and lifestyle aims. Depending on how much money you need to sustain your shared lifestyle, you should bake into that formula setting money aside for your own discretion.

If you aren’t able to contribute half of expenses for your shared lifestyle and have money left over, having discretionary money still needs to be taken into account. If you’re not making any money, you still need money for yourself. It shouldn’t be assumed you’ll have any leftover money from household expenses, and force you to make the decision between buying something the house needs, and something you need.

Talking about these things isn’t comfortable but it’s very important. This money for yourself is yours. Maybe it’s not a lot, but it’s yours. It doesn’t have to justified or accounted for, or examined.

Have your own bank account.

For your own money, you should keep it in your own bank account. Having your own bank account allows you to be accountable only to yourself, to allow parents to give you birthday or holiday cash gifts, and for you to plan surprises for your significant other.

My friend’s husband took out a large amount from their shared account. Seeing the substantial amount missing from their account, she naturally inquired about the sum, and discovered he had bought her a gift, which simultaneously ruined the surprise and the gift itself, as it was something she didn’t want anyway, and now she knew how much it had cost them.

Opt into Your Privacy.

One of my friends has a particularly sly ex. He came over to her apartment to take care of their children via a pre-arranged agreement while she was on one of her very few vacations. While she was away, her ex accessed her computer and downloaded all her private communication (including conversations between me and her which is infuriating and a crazy violation of privacy) and subsequently used those conversations as “evidence” against her in a lawsuit. Obviously this is an extreme example, but it could have easily been eradicated by having a password, and a strong one, on her computer from Day 1.

She didn’t have a password because her children also use her computer. Or perhaps you share a computer with your partner. But there’s an easy way to fix that. Most operating systems permit you to have guests or multiple accounts and have active sessions (applications open, like mail and browsers) on both, permitting you to switch users when you’re not at your computer, allow your children or your partner to access with no or a very easy password, and password protect your sensitive information via the other user.

You have the right to a private space and multiple places like social networks, email, and more to interact with friends and family without the risk of sharing your entire conversations, emails, or chats. Space to gossip, to brag, to congratulate, or even to vent. A space that’s protected from any friend, family, or other visitor using that computer in the future. Setting up better security for yourself doesn’t make you a bad partner (it actually could help you from getting hacked) and there’s no reason why your default setting should be set to privacy: off.

Plan for your health.

There are studies which show that married women have the lowest health and happiness when compared with single women, single men, and married men. Whether or not that’s an absolute, if you are in a relationship you may find it tempting to put the happiness of your partner or your children ahead of your own, or you may not even realize you are doing it until you step back and examine your behavior.

Keep in constant contact with your (girl)friends.

When a relationship is going well, it’s really easy to fall into the other person and spend a lot of time with them, therefore spending less time with your friends, whether they are singled or married. This is natural, you’re in love! And love feels amazing. But don’t fall off the face of the earth, only to re-emerge when you things aren’t going well or you need emotional support outside of your partner.

Keep regular dates and catch-ups with your girlfriends on your calendar. You don’t need to do a crazy girls’ night out (unless you want to) but lunches, coffee dates, and dinners are great to catch up with what’s going on with them. And listen, too. Keep your girlfriends, or male friends if that’s who you’re close to, in the loop through thick or thin. If for some reason all your friends are shared with your partner, think about making a few friends just for you.

As a couple, avoid debt from overspending at all costs.

I’ve been debt-free for 11 years, and have studiously tried to avoid getting back into debt. In your financial discussions with your partner, make sure this is one of your goals, to stay away from debt as much as possible by examining your spending habits and lifestyle goals, and get into strategic debt for assets without overextending yourselves.

You may not even realize you could be liable for debt your spouse accrues while you’re married, even if you didn’t approve the spending! A friend of mine asked for a divorce and subsequently learned she was the proud owner of half of a $50,000 debt her spouse had racked up without her involvement. It took her eight years to pay off.

Get your name on all your assets.

Large purchases are hopefully something you and your partner are discussing during your financial conversations on a regular basis, and are things you want to accomplish together. If you’re buying a house or a car, your name should be on it. If you’re responsible for paying into the asset, your name should be on the asset.

Even if you’re not paying into the asset, you might be responsible for any capital gains or debt incurred by the asset, so get informed, and make sure you’re present in decisions regarding the asset.

Build your own credit rating.

In places like the United States, a credit rating is a score from which creditors measure how risky or reliable you are when it comes to buying things on credit. It could make the difference whether you can purchase a new appliance, car, or even a house. You can start to build credit in your name with your own credit card by acquiring small things on loan, paying down your assets and simply paying your balance on time, every time.

Prioritize time for yourself.

Make time for yourself across a variety of activities – getting active and healthy in the gym (if you can do it with your partner, this is really great, but make sure you aren’t dependent on them deciding if they want to join you or not to actually make this happen), setting aside private time for relaxing or meditation, indulging in your hobbies, or learning a new skill.

You shouldn’t have a bucket list you’re ignoring while you’re in a relationship, as it could lead to resentment. Try to chip away at the things you desire to do, and enlist your partner to do them with you, or at least support you in accomplishing them! Ideally you’ll have a big overlap of things you can do together, but 100% support from your partner on the things you won’t do together.

Plan for your retirement.

Are you taking advantage of your employer’s retirement planning and (hopefully) matching? Matching contributions from employers for your retirement is like free money. Make sure you take it. Even if you don’t have a job which contributes to your retirement, or if you don’t have a job (earned income) at all, you can still contribute to your retirement.

Establish your personal board of directors.

In your personal board of directors, you’ll want to establish and cultivate direct relationships with some or all of the following. Having these influences and experts in your life can only help you as a couple, and if you can have direct relationships with each of these, you’ll learn a lot more in the process and be able to contribute back to the couple’s financial goals and planning much better.

She suggests, and I recommend seeking some or all of these out yourself:

Certified Financial Planner

A lawyer, such as family law attorney and estate planner

Certified Public Accountant (CPA)

Mental-health expert, such as a marriage and family counselor or psychiatrist

Nutritionist

Health and fitness consultant

Friends and family

Spiritual guide

Would you add anything to my advice, or suggest helpful resources? Is there anything you disagree with?

Sound off in the comments.

Image by Death to the Stock Photo, modified by Sara Rosso.

Filed under: Productivity & Self Tagged: advice, finance, independent, relationships]]>http://whenihavetime.com/2015/07/27/to-my-girlfriends-how-to-be-an-independent-woman-in-a-relationship/feed/17How to Be an Independent Woman in a Relationship - When I Have Time by Sara RossoSaraHow to Be an Independent Woman in a Relationship - When I Have Time by Sara RossoAsk Me: How Do I Get Noticed When Applying for a Job?http://whenihavetime.com/2015/06/12/ask-me-how-do-i-get-noticed-when-applying-for-a-job/
http://whenihavetime.com/2015/06/12/ask-me-how-do-i-get-noticed-when-applying-for-a-job/#commentsFri, 12 Jun 2015 08:01:03 +0000http://whenihavetime.com/?p=7074…]]]>I answer your questions. Have one? Ask me.

I just read your article on working at a distributed company which was really awesome…very useful and informative. I’m not a “techy” although I’m married to one I didn’t get blessed with the technical aptitude or desire. My experience is in Finance, Accounting and Administration. I would love to get out of the grind of Corporate and work with a distributed company. After 18 years I am looking for flexibility AND variety. I’ve been sending out my CV to distributed companies hiring and not hiring in my field. The hiring is ripe for the tech field but not so much for my skillset. I wondered if you had any tips that you could share for gettingnoticed. Thanks in advance and I look forward to hearing from you!

I loved this question. In my early years at Hewlett-Packard, I was part of the interviewing committee for new employees, especially new college graduates. Normal interviews were conducted over (a now astonishing) eight-hour span with different team members. 8 hours! Fast-forward to now, where I conduct most of my interviews via text chat, and sift through introductions and resumes in various formats (LinkedIn, Google Forms, email).

I’ve read enthusiastic, unintelligible, brutally honest, and boring applications. What makes one stand out from the other?

My biggest tip for gettingnoticed in applications is: do the work. Research the company, find out what they’ve been doing or planning in the area you’re interested in, and tailor your application with this knowledge, and possibly your ideas around the job. Don’t wait for an interview to start sharing why you’d be a good fit!

I estimate with only just 30 minutes you can come up to speed with what they do (look at their corporate site), what’s been written recently about the company (check Google News), what products or initiatives they’ve released lately (check their social channels for press releases, announcements), and how they communicate.

Armed with this knowledge, you can take the time to write a more pointed introduction that not only positions you for the job, but for the job at that company. Of course, you can’t pretend to know everything about the company, and something you might suggest might be completely wrong or off-base, but it shows it’s not just another form letter. I suggest avoiding telling the company what to do, but rather areas/interests where you could get started.

And the time won’t be wasted — if you get an interview with the company, you are already a step ahead!

Updated to add: a few things I had jotted down but forgot to include:

– Spelling the company and its products correctly.
It feels like obvious advice, right? You’d be surprised at how many people misspell or incorrectly case WordPress.com. WordPress.com isn’t that different, right? Wrong. It’s not about the spelling but the attention to detail and care you’re giving the application. You’re saying: this is important to me, important enough I’ll take a few extra seconds to check my work.– Spelling and grammar in general.
If English isn’t your native language, beg a friend to give it a read-through. Use in-browser spell checkers to see if anything missed your attention.

“Effective executives…gear their efforts to results rather than to work. ‘What results are expected of me?’ rather than the work to be done, let alone with its techniques and tools.”

This passage from Effective Executive has had me thinking for quite some time. Focusing on a results-oriented approach is critical for designing your website (and defining what a conversion, aka result, is), it’s important for any communication (what do I expect the reader to do or understand after reading this?), and in general, it’s just good to think about what result you want before you act, say, or do.

x + y = z

It’s not just for algebra, and solving for the unknown.

It’s a great way to predefine “what does success look like?” on a particular project. If you make a mistake deciding what the results to measure are, that’s one problem to fix. If you never define those results at all, how can you measure progress and your path to get there?

Understanding and defining results is something that many brands struggled with (and some still do) when it comes to social media activities, partnerships, sponsoring, and ROI on those activities. When we were designing events for the Girl Geek Dinners in Milan, I spent a lot of time talking to sponsors and helping them predefine what potential ROI could be from their sponsorship. I’m sure it will be no surprise that our assumptions were often not aligned. Sometimes their expectations would be unrealistic, and it would be a great time to tell them and turn down the sponsorship, or it could be an opportunity to modify expectations and ROI and still feel good about the experience we were organizing together. Trying to understand how success would be measured became a default action for me, as the times when we failed to define those expectations initially usually resulted in someone being disappointed.

Starting with the result can be a powerful tool for work projects, and especially when it comes to communication. Starting with the result helps you set up a guideline or steps to achieve that result, no matter what reactive or short-term issues are pressuring you in the meantime.

It can help guide critical or constructive feedback to someone, by keeping the results in mind vs. the current frustration you’re feeling or want to express. Thinking past “what do I want them to know” and “how do I want this person to feel?” when you’re done talking with them, you can take a step further by thinking “what do I want this person to do?” when you’re done talking to them, and have those expectations help guide your words and actions.

Starting with the results helps refocus the day, clear away busy work, and make sure your actions and time are being spent with an eye on the results you want to achieve. Results, not just work.

Start with the result can be applied to personal situations, too. For an everyday example, think of being served in a restaurant. You’re being provided bad service, but ultimately you want a good experience at the restaurant (if not good food). In this situation, Bad service + X = good experience. What is X?

I think many people default to thinking X is angry / upset reactions, but it rarely improves things. You may improve the situation temporarily, but you’ll probably never go back to that restaurant, and the server will not all of a sudden grudgingly respect and like you. On the contrary, they’ll be glad to see the back of you.

So how can we change an outcome of a situation more towards the results we want? First of all, you can start with compassion. This video, a speech from David Foster Wallace about fish not knowing they’re in water (aka the world does not revolve around you), is a great reminder of what it means to be compassionate. It’s probably the best way you can spend 10 minutes on the Internet right now (after finishing my post, of course).

Filed under: Productivity & Self Tagged: communication]]>http://whenihavetime.com/2015/04/10/start-with-the-result/feed/0DeathtoStock_CreativeSpace4SaraDeathtoStock_CreativeSpace4To Be Read: Productivity, Management, and Finance Books on the Nightstand (or Kindle)http://whenihavetime.com/2015/02/19/to-be-read-productivity-management-finance-books/
http://whenihavetime.com/2015/02/19/to-be-read-productivity-management-finance-books/#commentsThu, 19 Feb 2015 15:50:33 +0000http://whenihavetime.com/?p=7024]]>I’m a pretty voracious reader, though I used to read a lot more fiction than I have been recently. It wasn’t uncommon for me to read 150-200 novels a year, but I wanted to share some non-fiction books I’ve been enjoying lately in the business, finance, and management arenas.

Finance

On the recommendation of a fellow colleague (thanks Andy!) I found this book really interesting, and have already made some changes in my life as a result. Above all, it quieted some of my concerns about investing and staying on top of the “game.” I won’t spoil it for you.

The title of this book isn’t great, but it’s an interesting look at how this boy, with two men influencing his life with very different advice, taught him the difference between living rich and living poor. PS: You definitely want to live like the rich do, even if you’re not rich.

If you haven’t watched Brené’s TED talks (The power of vulnerability and Listening to Shame), do that and I’ll wait, because they’re both great. Back? Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead is a look at how vulnerability is actually powerful and important in our lives.

Daring Greatly is not about winning or losing. It’s about courage. In a world where “never enough” dominates and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive. Uncomfortable. It’s even a little dangerous at times. And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of getting criticized or feeling hurt. But when we step back and examine our lives, we will find that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as standing on the outside of our lives looking in and wondering what it would be like if we had the courage to step into the arena—whether it’s a new relationship, an important meeting, the creative process, or a difficult family conversation. Daring Greatly is a practice and a powerful new vision for letting ourselves be seen.

I’m not sure how I stumbled onto Choose Yourself!, but you should know the only reason it’s so cheap is because the author actually offers to refund your purchase price if needed. There are some very good takeaways about inward success, which I think is the thing most of us struggle with in the end (after you tired of outward success). It’s totally worth 99c.

New tools and economic forces have emerged to make it possible for individuals to create art, make millions of dollars and change the world without “help.” More and more opportunities are rising out of the ashes of the broken system to generate real inward success (personal happiness and health) and outward success (fulfilling work and wealth).

Management

A recent entry is The Effective Executive, recommended by Matt. I wasn’t sure what to expect from a book published in 1966, but it definitely wasn’t some very interesting ideas about effectiveness and the role of the knowledge worker. Color me intrigued! I am looking forward to really digging in as I’m only in a few chapters so far.

Another entry filed under “timeless advice,” this book was published even earlier in 1936! I wasn’t expecting to learn much from the book, as I already believe in the power of networking, but I definitely did learn. I had actually planned to do a full post on some sections of the book (and might still do), but Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking is a quick study on human motivation and psychology with some simple suggestions of how to really apply things in everyday scenarios. This book is practical, and timeless.

*Disclosure: some links include affiliate links, which do not add any additional costs to your purchase price. Thanks for supporting the site!

Filed under: Productivity & Self, Reviews & Gadgets Tagged: books, Business, communication, finance, management]]>http://whenihavetime.com/2015/02/19/to-be-read-productivity-management-finance-books/feed/25125Kw3bMbLSaraWhat I’ve Learned as a Serial (Community) Founder: The Community Life Cyclehttp://whenihavetime.com/2015/01/27/what-ive-learned-as-a-serial-community-founder-the-community-life-cycle/
http://whenihavetime.com/2015/01/27/what-ive-learned-as-a-serial-community-founder-the-community-life-cycle/#commentsTue, 27 Jan 2015 14:47:02 +0000http://whenihavetime.com/?p=6987…]]]>During my presentation this past weekend in Paris, I focused on the various stages of community and how the leadership roles and individual member roles change and shift over time. If you haven’t been following me long, you might think I’ve been involved mainly in the WordPress community. I’ve never founded a company but I’ve been a founder of several communities. I’ve enabled and participated in the entire community life cycle again and again.

As you’ll see in the three examples I mention below, I have founded communities which still live today. They live without me, a founder, and they are successful and thriving, even. One of the most important lessons as a founder is preparing for and learning to let go as a natural part of your community’s success.

Why me? And why community?

During my MBA program, there actually weren’t any existing student organizations for networking or any other reason, due in part to the fact the program was almost entirely full-time workers doing their MBA over several years without a lot of spare time. But there was a need for networking and I was a founding officer of the first organization, the Women in Business, and I went on to be the President the year after. I founded and led a team for the first student-run conference through the group and the 13th conference is being planned for 2015.

After years of working in technology and living in Italy, I was surprised at the lack of networking for networking’s sake and found it difficult to meet other women in technology in Milan. Luckily, I wasn’t alone as I went on to found the Girl Geek Dinners Milan with five other amazing women. I organized more than a dozen networking events for hundreds of attendees at a time, over the course of three years. The group is still going strong and just organized their 32nd event.

And eight years ago, I had a crazy idea that there should be a world holiday celebrating Nutella. The idea took off, and years later thousands and thousands of people are part of the community, and many thousands more are celebrating it on their own, never knowing that one person one day had a nutty idea over email before it became a reality. I actually recently just transferred the custodian of the community to Ferrero because, as I’ll talk about later, the community will have a much longer life this way, and it wasn’t really about me, in any case. Without going into great detail (I’ll save that for another post), the community has grown so much larger than me and my idea, and that’s amazing!

So that’s why me. And why community.

There are several important stages in communities, with notable shifts in how founding leadership and individual members’ contributions change over time.

Stage 1: Inception

The idea for the community is driven by a need: a need for information, support, recreation, or relationships. In the above examples, each need is different (though probably more similar than some communities since I’m the common factor) — Networking…exchanging of information and ideas…job search…just a love of a chocolaty spread. The needs are endless.

Stage 1 Leadership: The role of leadership by the founders is very strong, and the majority of time is spent validating the idea (Is this a good idea? Is the need valid? Are there enough people out there who might feel the same?), and forming the nucleus of the idea’s center in terms of vision and how it will be supported by the people involved. A lot of time is spent on consensus because if the initial leadership can’t agree on something, it’s off to a rocky start. A founder may decide not to continue. There’s a slight division of roles and that may boil down to expertise (one person can create the website, one can make the logo) or just for speed/interest in launching the community.

Stage 1 Community: The community is tightly integrated and aligned, and may even only consist of a single person or few people, namely the founders. The community isn’t participatory at this point, and mostly concentrated on foundation / leadership work.

Inception is a time when you really want to focus on the “why” – why are we doing this? What’s the need? How will we know if we’re successful? Where will we start? Who will be our immediate allies & next members? What problems can we anticipate and circumvent?

Stage 2: Growth: Creation and Launch

This idea/community is now ready to grow and is soft-launched or officially launched in order to gain membership.

Stage 2 Leadership: The leadership is very present at this stage, and introduces and reinforces the vision of the community. They will reach out personally to those closest to the community’s mission to become members, and they are actively participating in the community through creating and sharing content and information. The role of leadership at this stage is also to encourage as much participation, empowerment, and ownership at the individual level as possible, in line with the community’s mission and culture, of course. New leadership roles and ownership will emerge or be solicited, and officially recognized. The creation and consumption of information is transitioning from a broadcast model (leaders -> community members) to more peer-to-peer.

At the Growth stage, I think it’s important to make sure you’re providing a sliding scale of participation opportunities for people to get involved. Not everyone has to run a subcommittee – some will just be happy to hand out t-shirts. Make sure it’s transparent how to get involved and be ready to welcome people on a rolling basis. Getting access to information and updates should be easy for community members and you should provide several methods for people to stay updated. A tight moderation of the community, reinforcing its values and acceptable communication styles should be undertaken by leaders so that new members will be more likely to encounter a welcoming environment, and other members should be encouraged and empowered to fix ‘broken windows’ and keep the culture healthy.

Stage 2 Community: At this stage, effort is concentrated on community members interacting, and spreading the word to attract new community members. The input and information provided by the founders is key, but members may start to create and contribute. A large portion of the community will only consume information but still be considered active members.

Stage 3: Maturity / Self-Sustaining

Stage 3 Leadership: The influence and importance of the founders has waned, and it is rather the vision and mission they have embraced which sustain the community. Leadership is decentralized and many roles are empowered to contribute and enact change. Leaders will focus on more macro-level activities (do we have access to the resources / experts / information / activities to sustain the community?) rather than daily tasks. If there’s a change in the original leadership team/founders, the community is strong enough to continue.

At this point, I believe in many cases it’s a great idea for the founders/leaders to be focused on their exit strategy. I have seen communities being strangled by the reluctance or inability of the leaders to let go (see Stage 4: Death) and it’s important to remember that a community is not about you, the founder. It’s not a fan club. It’s healthy and important to think of how to bring in new leaders and to think of your own exit strategy. This is something I’m particularly focused on, as I know my own interests and passions wane over time so I want to step back from something while it’s still interesting and I can transfer my enthusiasm to the next group of leaders, ensuring a smooth transition. The community shouldn’t be affected by a change in leadership if it’s in the mature stage. Alternatively, having multiple exit routes for fellow leaders like: sabbaticals, advisory roles, honorary members, and routine leadership changes will also encourage others to step down gracefully and/or take a different kind of role which will better match their interests and time availability.

Stage 3 Community: At this point the community is reaching its full potential, and requires little intervention by leaders to sustain it on a day-to-day basis. Individuals have shaped the culture and also formed their own identities and relationships amongst each other. Subtopics and subgroups form to focus on specific topics or concerns within the original community’s charter. These groups may also have their own mini-cycle of a community, going back to stage 1 but inheriting the original community’s vision.

What’s next?

Maybe nothing! It’s not a requirement that a community move onto one of these other stages. A mature and self-sustaining community is a success, and it can remain in this stage for a long time, if you’re lucky. Special attention should be paid, however, to waning participation and engagement levels across the community, and the continued importance of cycling old and new members to keep the community’s activity healthy.

Stage 4A: Mitosis.

Though the scientific definition of mitosis is when a cell splits into two identical cells, when talking about community this can be when part of the existing community breaks off to do something else. For this life cycle, I don’t consider subgroups to be mitosis as long as they are under the original purpose of the community and/or still participating in the original community. Subgroups and niches are a natural part of a mature community, and are part of increased engagement and a larger community.

Actual mitosis may occur if there is unrest in leadership and/or purpose and a group may decide to break off and do a completely different community. This new leadership and new community will undergo then its own community life cycle from inception onward.

Stage 4B: Death.

A community dies off when engagement and membership decline significantly. The death of a community can be for several reasons, and it can happen at any time. Sometimes the cause of death of the community can be considered ‘natural,’ such as when the original need for the community has been met or satisfied.

It’s a shame when a community dies for unnatural causes, and I believe the responsibility of the founders and leadership is to reach Stage 3: Maturity and not inhibit or hinder growth by encouraging decentralized ownership and responsibility of the community members over time.

The community members will ultimately decide if the community is a vibrant one. The leadership can just hope to do all to enable the community to sustain that growth and maturity.

This presentation was part of a two-part presentation, and my part was followed up by the lovely Siobhan McKeown who went into more detail about WordPress’ specific community history. Images by Sara Rosso & Death to the Stock Photo.

A man kicked me so hard that hours later a perfect outline of his boot, including the individual treads on the bottom of the sole, appeared as a blazing bruise on my backside. This complete stranger, who was in my life for about 90 seconds, identified me as such a serious threat that he exerted a damaging force.

While my boyfriend was mere feet away.

Let me back up.

My undergrad university had big block parties, as many do, where hundreds of drunk college students stumbled from one house to another, taking the party into the streets so that entire neighborhoods became the party. This was one such party, and it was wrapping up for one of our guy friends who was too drunk to get home on his own. I walked behind this friend, supported and shouldered up by his girlfriend and my boyfriend.

This slightly unsteady trio weaved through the crowd towards my boyfriend’s car, dodging overflowing red cups of beer and obliviously amorous couples. They were expert navigators, not missing a step, until they passed this small group of guys, and for no reason, one of the guys pushed my boyfriend, causing the trio to stumble.

My friends recovered quickly and soldiered on, probably thinking it was merely the ebb and flow of the crowd, but I said, “Hey! Cut that out,” to the guy and kept walking. Moments later, I felt a jolt and I flew forward, a searing pain in my backside. I almost didn’t recognize what had happened. He had kicked me.

Incredulous, I confronted him. I can only assume his two friends sensed a threat, as they decided to physically restrain my remaining guy friend who had seen what happened. Was it so that their friend could get a clear…shot…at me?

I could see crazy in this man’s eyes, and while I can’t remember what we said exactly, we exchanged words. I probably said something like, “Why did you kick a girl?” being truly bewildered. I could see he didn’t feel any remorse, and he looked ready to do it again, or worse. I knew it was best to get out of there. I felt terrified, and I didn’t want to endanger myself any longer. I turned, grabbed my friend, and left.

As we sprinted to catch up with our friends who had made it to the car, I whispered to my friend, “Don’t say a word. Don’t tell [my boyfriend].” He didn’t look happy about it but said nothing as we sent them on their way.

Back reunited with the rest of our partying group, I finally broke down into tears as my friend recounted what had happened. I was in pain, frustrated, and scared. I shook from the adrenalin. My guy friends immediately went on a futile witch-hunt with the few details I could remember about his appearance, and I got a ride home.

When I arrived, my boyfriend could see that something was wrong, and after I told him the story, he was livid that he hadn’t been able to do anything. After he saw the bootprint (which was an ugly reminder for days), he grew even angrier.

Yet I know I did the right thing in not telling him. The last thing on earth I wanted was to endanger someone I cared about because of something stupid/unsafe/threatening someone else said to me. I had no doubts this person would have harmed my boyfriend trying to defend me much worse than I had been harmed.

This is a choice I make to this day. I evaluate, I ponder, how much to involve someone I’m dating, a friend, or a family member regarding the things that women have to deal with every day.

This summer, reading some of the #YesAllWomen articles, reflections, and discussions reawakened a rage inside me I have carried for all those times I said nothing. For all the times women had said nothing.

As I said on Twitter, these are only some of the 1% of exceptional abuses I told people about, but not the other 99% – the man making kissing noises to me as I walk to the store on a Thursday, the guy who asks about my marital status at a crowded business dinner, the man who stands too close to you with particular parts of his body on the crowded subway.

Because sexual harassment happens so often you never tell a single person about 99% of the occurrences. #YesAllWomen

About how you start to gauge the severity of the harassment based on previous cases, and there are many. How you have split seconds to evaluate the potential risk to yourself and your loved ones by saying anything; by taking into account the perceived sanity of the other party, the importance of this route, this location, this moment, your anticipated enjoyment of the afternoon, whether you have to work with or associate with that person on a regular basis for professional or personal reasons, or the reality of any brief relief / pleasure / security you might get by actually involving others in your situation.

This is not even getting started with any of the sexism and misogyny I’ve encountered (which are also very numerous) – just the sexual and physical violence I’ve dealt with as a woman.

All of this to say, there is probably a lot more happening out there than you know about. Speaking for myself, when I do tell someone about one of these times, they most important thing for me is that they’re listening. Being supportive doesn’t always mean reacting, confronting, or saying something, but so that the person affected knows someone is aware what’s happening. Sometimes they just need to vent, to cry, or maybe just a hug.

I used to do some very data-tastic roundups of each year on my food & travel site. I think it’s best suited to When I Have Time since I talk so much about productivity. It’s fun to see which apps are still in my life (Twitter, since 2007), and which aren’t (many others).

These 50 questions from Into Mind are a good exercise to wrap up 2014 and start looking at 2015. These questions are great to plop into a Google Doc and answer away. A few of the questions towards the end focus on 2015 and I’m still working on those, but I am curious to go back and read my answers 10 years from now, and I can see making this an annual tradition.

1.What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about?
2.If you had to describe your 2014 in 3 words, what would they be?
3.What new things did you discover about yourself?
4.What single achievement are you most proud of?
…

Hard Truths, Day 25: All the Things We Don’t Plan. Erika has a no-holds barred approach to telling you like it is, and in her recent series about Hard Truths, this article about all the things we don’t plan resonated with me. Can you chart out your own life and see the twists & turns it has taken and appreciate those turns as needed and/or positive changes in your life, even if unplanned? As a planner and seeing the directions my own life has taken, it’s a way to make peace with the unplanned.

Today’s Hard Truth is about all the things we never planned, but happened anyway.

I wish I’d know about the difference between life and plans when I was a kid.

I’m sure every one of you can think back to a scenario just like mine, whether it was a bike, a toy, or special game you wanted. That deep longing and endless days that would seemingly tick by, before you could add the coveted item to your toy inventory.

I realised, I had been carrying around the same feeling. The exact same feeling of wanting something so badly, you would wait any amount of time in order for it to come to fruition. It’s taken me a while to realise I’ve been bargaining with myself.

This is a very simple concept, but something you would think someone who has “made it” would stop doing. Not at all for these two. I saw them both spend a significant amount of time dedicating their resources to self-development (whether it be a new language, exercise, social media classes, etc.). The moment you stop investing in yourself is the moment you have written off future dividends in life.

Indeed, it’s clear 2014 was a historic one for feminism. Women stood up for their rights, challenged stereotypes, fought for recognition and took control of the dialogue. The following is a non-exhaustive list of some of the most iconic feminist moments this year:

Looking Accounting in the Face: Is there anyone on earth who loves accounting? Maybe my father, since he’s a C.P.A. But for the rest of us, accounting / receipts / personal finances can be a big pain. This in-depth article about Zen Accounting for Bloggers is a good way to get jumpstarted on keeping accounting for your site.

Minimizing: I mentioned in my newsletter that I’m looking at reducing my possessions, and more specifically my closet, and I built a capsule wardrobe for the winter which I’m enjoying so far and will write more about after the season’s over. To get started with capsule wardrobes, this tutorial is a good starting point, as well as this roundup of links.

If food & travel are your thing, too (like me), you’ll want to read My Top Tastes of 2014 over on my food & travel site, Ms. Adventures in Italy, and I also suggest these posts for making travel easier:

TripIt continues to know when and where I’m going to be, and thanks to a work benefit, getting TripIt Pro free helps with extra reminders and other features.

ScannerPro is an app I wouldn’t want to live without. The app lets you collate multiple pages (aka photos) into a single document which can then be emailed or saved as a PDF, or saved directly to Dropbox or Google Drive. You can name documents and manage them from your document store, and when taking a picture the app recognizes the edges of a document to be scanned, making sure your flowered tablecloth doesn’t make an appearance. Great for backing up important documents or grouping expense receipts. Highly worth the $2.99.

Calm was a good app to experiment with, a few times when I wanted calming background noises to relax. They also provide some guided meditation paths which I’ve yet to experiment with.

Google came out with an interesting little tutorial app called Primer (“Marketing Lessons for Startups”) which you can use to learn more about content marketing, SEM, and PR & Media, so far. And it’s free.

And I first wrote about Wunderlist in 2011(!!), and it’s still an integral part of my lists and organization. I love the shared lists you can share with one or more people.

Filed under: Productivity & Self, Reviews & Gadgets, Tech Talk]]>http://whenihavetime.com/2015/01/06/top-reads-apps-in-2014/feed/5WorkingRemotely-DailyRoutine-SaraRossoSaraCoffee is always part of my daily routine and a way for me to kick off the work day.How Google Manages Talent: Generalists vs. Specialistshttp://whenihavetime.com/2014/10/22/how-google-manages-talent-generalists-vs-specialists/
http://whenihavetime.com/2014/10/22/how-google-manages-talent-generalists-vs-specialists/#commentsWed, 22 Oct 2014 11:35:21 +0000http://whenihavetime.com/?p=6881…]]]>I’m a big fan of podcasts, and I’ve talked about how I like HBR’s Idea Cast as a great mix of ideas across business, productivity, and management.

Their recent episode #426, How Google Manages Talent, was a chat with Eric Schmidt, executive chairman, and Jonathan Rosenberg, former SVP of products, who explained how the company manages their smart, creative team, and most importantly, how they set it up to succeed through hiring.

It’s a good interview about finding and recognizing talent while interviewing, but it touches upon something I’ve always debated within myself: the struggle to be a specialist or a generalist.

I found it interesting that at Google they are looking for ‘learning animals’ or generalists when I think the general perception is they are a company full of specialists:

“Fundamentally, we’re focused on learning animals or generalists as opposed to specialists. And the main reason is that when you’re in a dynamic industry where the conditions are changing so fast, then things like experience and the way you’ve done a role before isn’t nearly as important as your ability to think.

So generalists, not specialists, is a mantra that we have internally that we try to stick pretty closely to. Specialists tend to bring an inherent bias to a problem, and they often feel threatened by new solutions.” – Jonathan Rosenberg

I’ve talked about how I’ve been a jack-of-all-trades and have grown to embrace it versus wondering why I wasn’t the best at one thing. I realize that being a generalist and inherently curious is why I am less afraid of change in the future: I will learn to adapt to new situations and skills as I need them.

Schmidt and Rosenberg go into depth about all of this in their new book, How Google Works. I’m curious now to check it out – has anyone else read it? Give the entire episode a listen, or you can alternatively read the transcript.

Updated to add a presentation deck from Eric Schmidt on How Google Works:

Filed under: Productivity & Self Tagged: Google, podcast]]>http://whenihavetime.com/2014/10/22/how-google-manages-talent-generalists-vs-specialists/feed/1Photo from Stephen DepoloSaraPhoto from Stephen DepoloHow to Talk to Strangers (aka Networking)http://whenihavetime.com/2014/10/07/how-to-talk-to-strangers-aka-networking/
http://whenihavetime.com/2014/10/07/how-to-talk-to-strangers-aka-networking/#commentsTue, 07 Oct 2014 11:19:43 +0000http://whenihavetime.com/?p=6864…]]]>I have spent a lot of time presenting about, writing about, and thinking about networking. As someone who’s uprooted their life several times (so far…I sense it will happen again in the future), I consider the ability to meet new people essential to my success and happiness. In the past I’ve even taken dares on walking up to random groups of people and chatting.

A few years ago, I presented internally in Automattic about how to talk to strangers (aka networking), and I wanted to share that presentation here and now.

Here are my tips about how to walk into a room full of people and talk to strangers:

1. Find an opening

This is either a physical or a verbal opening. When you go to an event, you’ll see these groups of people talking, in twos and threes, or larger, and to be honest, they’re not looking around for you. They’re not waiting for you to come up and talk to them. People usually won’t give you invitations to join them. So, you have to do it yourself.

If there’s a physical space, that’s even better, because you can just step into the group. I tend to do this, smile, and perhaps wait for them to notice you. You can either interrupt the conversation or not, and a lot of times I say “I’m just listening” if I don’t want to disturb the flow of conversation, and at some point you’ll get your opening.

Sometimes, you have to break in a little bit because people get used to talking to each other, and you can just say, “Hey, I just wanted to join and introduce myself.”

2. Start small

If it feels uncomfortable breaking into a group of six people, find two people talking to each other. Find one person who looks like you —hiding out in the corner perhaps, thinking “What the hell am I doing here?” and doesn’t know how to talk to anybody.

Maybe you start small with your conversation as well. Ask open-ended questions which allows people the chance to participate instead of shutting down conversation. Bad: “Have you been here before?” Yes/No. End of conversation.

3. Be a host, not a guest

This is one of my favorites: Be a host, not a guest. Even if you are a guest at any event, you can act the part of a host because you might have information about the people who are at the event, about the purpose of the event, or even about the location itself which you can present to the other person as useful. “Have you met so-and-so? I worked with him at C company on D project.” “Have you read X’s article about Y? I’m looking forward to hearing them talk about it tonight.” “Have you tried the Z here? It’s delicious.”

Use this information as a way to not be like everyone else who’s a guest, but to be someone who perhaps has a little more information and can be useful.

4. Be yourself…the interesting you

I can’t stress this point enough. Be yourself, but the interesting you. Everyone has something special or interesting about themselves (one of my colleagues called it the “nothings” about ourselves) that someone else can appreciate. Of course, in a perfect world, you have all this time to make organic friendships, and everything’s great, and slowly you unfold like a flower or an onion, and sharing all these layers of yourself with others…but in these situations, you have to give people some help, too (the phrase “Throw me a bone” from Austin Powers comes to mind).

You have to give people a little more information, a little more opening, for them to get a way to connect with you. So be yourself, but remember I as a stranger can’t know everything there is to know about you, even if I’m following you on Twitter. There are probably some things you can give me as openings to get to know you better.

So be yourself, but perhaps with a little more context. When you introduce yourself, you might add some context which piques the curiosity of the other person (I work in technology and I’ve published several ebooks), or perhaps is such a contrast to the event/situation you’re both in (I work in technology, but I’m also a cook and have secret dinner parties at my house) it will give the other person a great way to ask a follow-up question.

5. Find a common interest

Most people do one of these things: reading, cooking, watching television, or spend time on the Internet. One way to get to know someone is to ask them about themselves, and usually people never get tired of that. One of the questions I like to ask is “What do you in your spare time?” which can blow open the doors to a lot of interesting hobbies, pastimes, and interests. You can ask someone “What’s one site you go to every day which isn’t a social media site?” “Where do you get your news?” “Whose recommendations mean an auto-buy for you?” “What’s the last book or article you read which stayed with you for a while?”

6. Bribe

Sometimes I bring candy or chocolate with me to events or gatherings to have something to share and start a conversation with someone. Food is always a great ice breaker, and sometimes people are grateful that they didn’t have to make the first step in conversation.

7. Find a common enemy

This is not encouragement to make people your enemies for the sake of networking; rather it’s an opportunity to connect over something which can be bothering both of you, be it an article that was written, the terrible food at the event, or the wifi connectivity (and how common is this last one? Great opening to chat with someone). Sometimes something negative can be your opening, too.

8. Don’t take it personal

This is probably the most counterintuitive thing I can tell people: when it comes to meeting other people, don’t take it personally. In the end, you probably have a short amount of time to interact with people. They don’t really get to see all of who you are, and if they’re not receptive to meeting you, it may be for a lot of different reasons like they could be having a bad day. Everyone has their own individual stories and the reasons behind their mood.

If for some reason you don’t connect with someone, unless they’re incredibly rude to you, just don’t take it personally. Maybe another time, another day, you’ll get a chance to connect with them and actually become more than just strangers.

As someone who spent a lot of her life wanting everyone to like her, when I started being ok with people not liking me, it’s when I really started to enjoy networking and meeting new people. When you don’t care if someone likes you after only a brief conversation, it’s quite freeing, and it takes away a lot of the fear about being judged.

I’ve always been drawn to leadership roles in women’s organizations – I was president of my all-female dorm during my undergrad/university, I was President of the Women in Business network during my MBA program, I organized the Girl Geek Dinners in Milan for 3 years, and I’ve spoken often at the Professional Women in Milan and other women’s groups.

But for years I would deftly avoid being called or declaring that I was a feminist.

I’ve worn combat boots and army shirts and been called a communist; I’ve been decisive and organized and been called bossy or a nazi; I’ve been pro-woman and called a lesbian. I’ve been called other names because I may have touched a nerve in the other person and that’s how they chose to strike back to “wound” me.

Being called all of those things didn’t really bother me (none of them are true), but I didn’t really want to be called a feminist.

Would you describe yourself as a feminist? That word has taken a beating in recent years.

[Sheryl] Had you asked me that when I was in college, I would have said I was not. But I think we need to reclaim the “F word” if it means supporting equal opportunities for men and women. (source)

I used to be afraid of being labeled a feminist.

The reality is: I was afraid of being called a feminist, but I’ve always been one. I said I wasn’t a feminist, but I’ve always been one.

The problem with feminist is it’s no longer just a person who believes in an ideology; it’s a label. The problem with labels is they often have preconceived ideas associated with them. Somewhere along the way, the definition of feminist splintered so much that it undermined the purpose of the word. People who disagreed with or were afraid of the feminist ideology only had to further distort the meaning so that people wouldn’t want to be associated with it.

It’s not about me, a woman, better than you, a man; or us, women, vs. them, men. It’s about US. Everyone. Equality for everyone, regardless of gender (and yes, all genders…I’m a LGBT supporter).

A little handy definition of feminist:

Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, and social rights for women.[1][2] This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. – Wikipedia

and another:

Feminism:
the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men. — Dictionary.com

Equal to. Not better than.

Maybe it’s time for a rebranding. Should we re-launch Feminist as Equalist? Would it make sense then? Would anyone be proud to add it to their name then?

Or maybe we should just reclaim the “F-word” aka Feminist and reset it to its simple definition: equality of the sexes.

Are you a feminist? Be proud. Remind others what it really means. Lead by example. Don’t let others confuse the meaning to power their own agenda. Feminists are men and women. We have to talk a little louder, fight a little harder, ask for more, so that equal can start to be a reality.

If you’re not a feminist (pro-equality), you might be an anti-feminist by definition. Learn what it’s about. And listen to what it means, with an open mind, heart, and ears.