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20 November 2010

Dude, So and So Got SO Fucking Jacked For That Movie: Jason Statham

Few actors in Hollywood these days are as cool, or as fucking badass, as Jason Statham. Though not a fucking powerhouse, Statham's not got a pretty boy build, either. He's essentially 175 lbs of traps and abs, and he looks like he's going to bite someone at all times. I realize that many of you right now are standing up and screaming aloud that no one should ever blog about this guy, as he's under 200 lbs, isn't a strength athlete, and it's trendy to talk shit about anyone who looks better than you, but before you spazz have a nice big glass of shut the fuck up and chill out. You like his movies, you know he's a fucking badass, and you know people likely respect his physique far more than your sloppy man-tits. Therefore, check out the shit this guy's into, because it's not a half bad routine, and at the very least, you might incorporate bits and pieces of the workout one day when you're fucking about the gym while waiting to go drink your face off.

For those of you sad sacks who are still horrified that I might blog about this epic motherfucker, consider the following, Jason Statham:

does his own stunts and hates wire work, making him a far angrier, jacked, and overall awesome Jackie Chan. Whenever possible, he speaks derisively of wire-fu, cgi, and any poofter who gets involved in that sort of nonsense.

his last two girlfirends were a Playboy model and a Victoria's Secret model

Current gf.

he's practiced martial arts only since he started doing fighting films. He practices various styles (including thai boxing, wing chun, and Shotokan karate) constantly, loves mma, and is regularly seen ringside at the UFC. Call him a mark if you want, but the guy's considered legit enough by those in the community to be friends with Bas Rutten.

He took 12th at the World Championships in diving. Ridiculous, I know, but it was off the high platform, which is pretty fucking metal.

makes fucking awesome movies

wrote a pissed off letter to Men's Health when they posted an article that made him look like he trained like a bitch, so they posted a retraction and listed his entire program online.

he got his break in Guy Ritchie's films due to his experience in selling stolen goods. Yes, just like Danny Treho, Statham managed to parlay felonious activity into a massive film career.

His movies contain the following attributes of manliness, as listed my Maddox in the Bible: Ass-Kicking (all of them), Boners (Crank 1 and 2), Copping a Feel (Crank 2), Enlightenment (London, Crank 1, Snatch, LS2SB), Female Wrestling (Crank 2), Gas (Crank 2), Irate (all of them), Knockers (Jessica Biel's and Amy Smart's in London and the Crank films), Metal (all of them), Quickie (both Cranks), Road Rage (Transporters, Death Race, Crank 1), Taunting (Transporters, Cranks, Death Race, London), Violence (all of them), Winner (all of them), XXX (Crank 2's porn star riot), Yelling (all of them). [Note: When I state "all of them, I'm not referring to the Uwe Boll abortion or the non-"The One" Jet Li collabs] This essentially makes him manlier than just about any motherfuckers to ever grace the television screen, as he only missed a few of the other available letters, and the inclusion of N (for Chuck Norris) would likely result in the creation of a singularity. The destruction of the universe might result, especially if the scene including those two perhaps had one Mr. Leslie Nielson engaging in a bit of his patented slapstick in the background.

Irate: man's default- and only- emotion.

Most of you, if you're like me, will pick up a Men's Health from time to time out of nothing more than boredom to see what's doing therein. There has to be a reason why they print the fucking thing, you think to yourself, and about ten page in realize there is- it's for trendy yuppie pussies who want to look good when they take off their shirts so they can pull down dumbass, materialistic broads who will fuck them right up until the wedding night, and then only fuck them for procreative purposes until the dissolution of their unhappy, shallow union results in a costly, horrific divorce. Thereafter, the same guys consult that mag to get back in shape so they can bang some sluts before making the same mistake all over again.

Statham's penis managed to grow bored with this broad.

In spite of that fact, the magazine will occasionally contain useful shit, Statham's workout (posted online) being foremost amongst it. You'll note that Dan John designed part of his workout, and that he's doing 5 sets of 5 of front squats with 175, making him stronger than 95% of the bitches who blabber endlessly online about training. Thus, his lengthy Transporter 3 program, which I put into an Excel file in case you want to download it [Edit: And Mediafire subsequently deleted, because they apparently thought there was some sort of copyright infringement]. As I said, I took the workout from a Men's Health article, so I truncated it a bit in terms of explanation and added some of my favorite Statham quotes for good measure.

Statham really took one for the team if he pulled down this broad.

That's hardly his only workout in print, however. When training for the Expendables, for instance, he used this workout:

2) Cardio complex (Complete five rounds, rest period is half the time it takes to complete the round):

- Suicide run (Run 10m then run back, 20m then run back, 30m then run back, 40m then run back,

50m then run back)

- 80m kettlebell farmer’s walk

- 80m one-arm kettlebell overhead carry (switch arms at 40m)

- 80m tire drag (SUV or small truck).

Weekend – Rest with some “Fun” Activities

Ever a spazz about finding a workout wherever he is, Statham's been known to make them up as he goes along. This is, presumably, how he stays pretty fucking lean year round in spite of the fact that his leisure activities appear to be ripping lines off models' asses and pounding beers, and a dietary regimen that can be summed up with this quote:

"I never gave a fuck about a calorie," Statham says. "An apple? It's good for me. I'd have five. Bananas? Eat the bunch."

His bodyweight routines apparently come from his MMA workouts, and his exercise choice reflects this:

A typical workout: "Shadow-boxing to warm up the back and shoulders," he says. Lunging and stretching for the legs. Next, five 3-minute rounds punching and kicking pads, then hitting the heavy bag for three rounds, and doing a session on the speed bag. He finishes with a circuit like the one described below.

Use Your Own Body Weight

For explosiveness and reflexes, Statham has always used plyometrics. A fast, hard circuit requires no equipment. "I'll jump rope, then do squat thrusts, burpees [squat thrusts in which you leap instead of standing up], star jumps [from a crouch, jump up and spread your arms and legs into a star, and come back down into a crouch], pushups, tuck jumps [jump, lift legs, tuck], stepups." The key is explosive execution: "If I'm doing a pushup, I go down slowly and, bang, push up."

Have a Portable Workout

Even if Statham has only 20 minutes, he pulls no-gear, no-cost workouts from the manual in his head. One favorite came from his friend Bas Rutten, the mixed-martial-arts champion. "He uses punching combinations," Statham says. "He'll call out one' — a left. Then 'one, two' — a left, a right. Or three' — a left, a right, and a left hook. You can do that in a hotel room, anywhere." All you need is to bludgeon your excuses into a senseless heap. Just like Statham would.(Yahoo)

For those of you interested in the diet he used to get into the ridiculous shape into which he always gets for films, it's actually pretty simple:

he eats no more than 2,000 calories a day

he essentially eats paleo, as he never eats any refined flour or sugar, including fruit juice.

he records anything he consumes to accurately track his caloric intake

he drinks a shitload of water

he eats 6 meals a day, all of which are (like I stated before) paleo- "egg whites, vegetables, lean meats, fish, nuts, and protein shakes."

**Upon rereading the article, I noticed this: "Statham jumps from one pullup bar to another above it; it's called "Dyno.". But the traditional move still works your shoulders and back. Do 8 reps." IF JASON STATHAM CAN DO LEGEND PULLUPS, SO CAN YOU. So get the fuck after them, already.

... and there you have it. Workouts from a motherfucker so manly that his jeans have probably pillaged a village all by themselves while Statham was sleeping. The man smokes, drinks, parties his fucking ass off, looks better than just about anybody while doing it, can wreck fucking shop, and bangs models when he grows tired of the rest. I'm not saying if you do his workout you'll be able to pull off that sort of shit, but there's nothing wrong with cherry-picking shit out of a bad motherfucker's workout and seeing what it will do for you... because the shit is definitely working for him.

Dude, nobody has to convince me that The Stath is the Daddy. In fact this entry has been long overdue. In my personal opinion the Crank series is the most glorious cinematic achievement in the history of moving pictures. You could digitally insert Jason Statham into ANY movie and it could only make it better: Jurrasic Park, Schindler's List, Back to the Future, whatever.

I would point out though that Stath got super lean by restricting his calories to a mere 2000 a day. He kept a food diary to track them and drank tons of water to keep him feeling full.

Jamie you should do a pull up on the top bar in the legend pull ups, that would be sick. Plus you need check this out for extreme pull ups and bodyweight exercisehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWs94Pu_kG4

Old Jase certainly is the man. It's kinda like england is 30 years behind and has only just realised that guys want to see guns, violence and fucking on films, no one gives two shits about chick flicks or harry potter (although that barely legal bird is definitely fuckable), bring back the 80's action genre.

I dunno man.Every time they try and recreate an 80's type action flick it just ends up being bad and not "bad" as in corny and hilarious. Just bad.Like a shitty homage to the 80's with forced campiness in the dialogue.The 80's can't be redone.Stallone and Schwarzenegger along with some other notables (Dolph Lundgren, Kurt Russell, etc...) can't be duplicated.

I say, let the 80's be.Onward and upward with some new style of action.Crank is a great fucking start.

I like the single Deads, though. One of my favorite workouts is single deads with 90%1rm for the duration of the Grateful Dead's 'Live Without a Net' with the accompaniment of some good hydro and a six pack of bud. Don't have to worry about how many sets or how long, just let it roll. Course the weight tends to decrease with each song. But somewhere in there after a pull you feel like you've turned into your spinal cord and you're floating up through the garage rafters.

Jamie you should do a pull up on the top bar in the legend pull ups, that would be sick. Plus you need check this out for extreme pull ups and bodyweight exercisehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWs94Pu_kG4

Shit man those niggas on that youtube video look like a bunch of chimps playing in a zoo! The US should not be allowing tree frogs to build up their strength like that. If they start getting brains too, we're all fucked!!!

I love your blog and your posts. Read everyday. But the reality is that his abs are spray painted in those pics, same as the 300 guys abs are in the movie. Hopefully, I don't have to explain why they do this...

Its disheartening how many kids see those movies/pics and think that the actors really do look like that. They may be in awesome shape, but makeup is applied to any body part being filmed.

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