More Shit My Family Says

As you can see, I survived the Holiday Season, fraught with human interaction though it was. It has taken me this long to reach some semblance of recovery…you know, back to my normal state of pajamas and pony tails and questionable hygiene.

I’m just going to dip my toes into the blog in this first post, and maybe next time I will plug my nose and jump all the way in.

Here are some of the Most Ridiculous Things my family has said to me during my break.

From my 6-year-old.

Thing 1: I slept for like 13 hours!

Me: I know. I thought about waking you guys up, but I knew you’d want me to feed you.

Thing 1: Wow…the maternal instinct is so strong…I can’t even.

Husband: *speaks only in puns for a damned hour*

Me: Your puns are not making me happy.

Thing 3: Boogycalla.

Me:

Thing 3: A long time ago, ancient people used that word for ‘hello.’

Me: I hate everything that’s on my desk.

Husband: You also hate everything that’s not on your desk.

Me: Excellent point.

Thing 1: So…food?

Me: It’s one o’clock. I’ll make dinner at dinnertime.

Thing 1:

Me: I can’t feed you twice a day! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?

Thing 1:

Me: Anyway, dinner is the most important meal of the day.

Thing 1: We’ve been talking for like 10 minutes and you’ve lied to me three times.

*You may have noticed a theme here regarding my children and their near-constant demands for nourishment. I don’t know if all kids are like this, but mine like to eat at least 12 times a day. I personally don’t care how much they eat, it’s how much they expect me to cook that appalls me.

I would like to point out that these kids are 16, 12, and 6.

1.5 of them are fully capable of cooking for themselves without supervision.

**Thing 2 is missing from this post because all he says anymore sounds to me like, “Football, football, yardline, pass, interception, football, that guy, football, some guy, Madden, football, football, football.” It is barely English.

It's easy to share this post. Not like sharing pie. I would never ask you to share pie.

Glad to see you back in time for the Super Bowl. Yet another occasion the family requires nourishment. Mutter mutter wings football touchdown nachos patriots football football deflated. It’s Maddening. See what I did there? Pun… Your husband would appreciate it.

I asked Baby B about some dude on the TV this morning because I thought he was a Backstreet Boy. Baby B got a bit indignant that I thought he knew who the members of the Backstreet Boys are. Sigh… Kids are great. Or something.

I have been bogged down with other reading and just got back around to you and was so glad to see two posts! You made my evening! My boys are 4 and almost 2 and I’m pretty sure I will need several full time jobs to support each of their eating habits by the time they hit 10 respectively! Glad to know I’m not alone.

SO I just stumbled across your blog and the “I’m not that mom” post had me in tears. I have suffered from depression since I was 20 years old and am (and always will be) medicated. That’s fine. I get through the days. I felt a connection when you mentioned how it wasn’t the first time your children’s existence basically saved your life. If not for my 12 yr old son…

However, I am from Little Rock (read a post that said you were in the Ozarks – didn’t know if it was AR or MO) and my BIGGEST complaint about motherhood is having TO FEED HIM EVERY DAY!!! I love that you also agree! I think, “I can have cereal for dinner; why can’t HE?” (Apparently because he’s a growing boy and they need “real food” which is exceedingly difficult since I don’t really cook)

This is all MY stuff. Don’t take my stuff.

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