Depression – It’s ALL In Your Head!

So, this post may be focused towards women, but it applies to everyone.

Over the years, I’ve gone to multiple doctors with a litany of symptoms including fatigue, extreme lethargy, unexplainable aches and pains (and more). They would tell me that there was nothing wrong with me physically; therefore, whatever was bothering me was probably just menopause (really? At age 30???) and definitely was just in my head. Women get stuck with that diagnosis frequently. I have to say:

Bosh. Poppycock. Bologna!

Turns out the docs were right…. although they were also terribly wrong. It wasn’t menopause, but it was in my head. I battled undiagnosed depression for years. It was only in the last few years that it was recognized and diagnosed, so for many of those years, life was a Catch-22 for me. I knew there was something wrong. There were so many times I fought my way through the fog and ‘molasses’, just to collapse into bed or the couch. If not for my animals and the knowledge that they depended on me, I could have just stayed down for days on end. It was all in my head…. so why wouldn’t my body behave??? My body responded like a sloth, and the effort to do ANYTHING took such effort, why bother trying? Obviously (but only obvious to me), if I were such a failure, really, why stick around? When I would drive somewhere, the pull of bridges and overpasses could be really strong. Who would care that I was gone?

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have Life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10 NIV

I know without a doubt that those thoughts comes straight from the enemy! He is a thief, and he does everything he can to steal our joy and destroy lives. God has given us physicians so that they can help us, not harm us, and any doctor who dismisses us with “It’s all your head” is NOT helping. Whether consciously or not, they are furthering the agenda of the enemy with those words. I already felt worthless; to have a DOCTOR tell me there’s “nothing” wrong, when I could FEEL the wrong inside me…. let’s just say it didn’t help at all! I finally saw a doctor who recognized my physical symptoms for what they really were. I was depressed, not physically ill. At first I resisted the notion. Why would I be depressed? That’s just an excuse for lazy people, right?

No, not at all. After ruling out any underlying physical conditions, this was the conclusion, and she put me on antidepressants. Ugh. There is such a stigma attached to taking these things, especially among the Christian community. I have heard all of the platitudes. “Have more faith. You aren’t praying hard enough. With God on your side you can just push through it. It’s all in your mind; let God have it.” I’ve been prayed over and annointed…. and I still battle depression. I believe that God can heal any disease, IF it would further His Kingdom to do so. He hasn’t cured my depression (yet), so I take that to mean that there is a reason for my depression, I just don’t know what it is – and I don’t need to know. Depression is a real disease, just as much as any physical disease. If you had cancer, do you want people telling you you don’t have enough faith, and to stop taking your meds? I believe that our Great God, Creator God, has given the knowledge to our researchers and doctors to help people with ALL types of diseases, including depression. If you have never experienced it, God Bless you and I pray you never will! It can be debilitating and difficult to diagnose. If you, too, suffer from this insidious disease, then my prayer for you is that your doctor will see it and treat it for what it is.

In all those years, even in the depths of my denial and rebellion and depression, and little voice in my head was constantly reminding me of this:

He never left me, even as I tried to leave Him. Like the sheep that was lost, He carried me back to the fold and His Love. He used human doctors and counselors to show me I wasn’t worthless. I will be grateful for modern medicine as long as I live, and for my God, Who never, never leaves me to face the enemy alone. AMEN.