Did you know that fish have a short term memory of only three seconds? That must make it difficult to . . . um . . . Did you know that fish have a short term memory of only three seconds?

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You know those special "extras" they have on DVDs?

Well here's an extra to tide you over while you wait for someone to resurrect a moderator.

"The Real World: Chamber of Secrets edition"

Rated R-ish for mild to moderate language and sexual innuendo.

This is the true story of wizards forced to live in a chamber, work together, and have their lives monitored by an annoying MC.

Find out what happens when they stop being polite and start getting real.

The Real World: Chamber of Secrets!

MC: Welcome to The Real World: Chamber of Secrets edition! Tonight we’ll be following an eclectic mix of wizards as they spend an evening in the legendary Chamber of Secrets, built over a thousand years ago by Hogwarts co-founder, Salazar Slytherin. Let’s meet our very special guests. First, we have some of the school’s students: Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Millicent Bulstrode, Hannah Abbot, Justin Finch-Fletchly, and Ernest MacMillan.

Draco: Yo.

Pansy: Tee hee.

Crabbe&Goyle: Huh?

Millicent: Hmmm.

Hannah: *eep*

Justin: *cough*

Ernie: *keep breathing, Ernie . . .*

MC: We also have a couple of other notable wizards to keep an eye on all the kids. *wink* May I introduce Bellatrix Lestrange, aaaand . . . Lord Voldemort!

Voldemort: Good evening.

Bellatrix: Hey, where’s my wand?

MC: Um . . . there are no wands for this show. It’s in your contract.

Bellatrix: WHAT?!?

MC: Yes, it’s The Real World with bare-handed wizards! How will they all do without the aid of a wand? Let’s watch and find out!

* * *

MC: *We’ve just come down the slide to the antechamber, and they’re just about ready to get started.*

Pansy: Ick! It’s, like, totally grotty down here!

Draco: Open the door already!

Voldemort: One more word out of you and I leave you outside! **hisss**open**hisss**

MC: You must be very excited to be here! Are you looking forward to the challenge of braving the Chamber of Secrets?

Crabbe&Goyle: Huh?

MC: I see . . . Ah, Bellatrix Lestrange! What’s it like to be down here so soon after escaping Azkaban?

Bellatrix: Well, the décor leaves something to be desired, and who knows when housekeeping came by last. The stone walls kind of make me homesick; after all, Azkaban was home for 14 years. I really miss the ocean view, though.

MC: And how is it to be back in circulation after all that time?

Bellatrix: Well, my little nephew, Drakie, grew up while I was in the hoosegow. I’m kind of sad about that, but I hear he was a right little snot, so maybe I dodged a bullet there. I so missed all the quality time with Volders, though. He used to be such a dashing sort, reciting poetry in the light of the burning buildings. Do you think he still fancies me?

Pansy: Well, it was like Draco’s idea, you know? I thought he meant, you know, something more romantic? Like, ‘Hey, Pansy, wanna open my chamber of secrets’? But this place is, like, not romantic at all! Hey, Draco! You better take me someplace nice after this!

Draco: It’s not like there’s any secrets in your chamber. Slut.

MC: And here’s the man of the hour: Lord Voldemort! You’re looking well; how’s it feel to have your body back?

Voldemort: After being a disincarnate entity for nearly a decade and a half, it takes some getting used to. Possession, for example, takes a lot more effort. Before, if I wanted to take possession, I’d just flit over and jump in the driver’s seat, and ‘Vrooom!’ Also, the number that you’re thinking of is ‘Pi’.

MC: Um . . . yes, that’s right. Well . . . let’s get started! The network has brought in some artifacts for you all to use during your stay in the Chamber, and you may use anything you find lying about the Chamber. Go to it!

Summary: After the Voldemort's defeat in the second war, former Death eaters are still at large. The Ministry of Magic has begun cross-training between departments to make up the shortfall of qualified wizards. Draco and Hermione are involved in a training accident and end up closer than they ever imagined.