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Thursday, April 3, 2014

Ra Ra Rasputin

We've been busy analyzing Michael's record store findings (and listening to his excellent purchases) and discovered something interesting. With a few tweaks, the lyrics to the song "Rasputin" by 70s disco stompers Boney M make for shocking reading. I present to you the lyrics, accompanied by my line-for-line alterations."Rasputin"There lived a certain man in Russia long ago There was a record store in San FranciscoHe was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow It was big and strong and it had the eyes of Rasputin on the bag which were all glowey and flaming (I know that doesn't fit but you get the gist)Most people looked at him with terror and with fearMost other record stores looked at them with fearBut to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dearBut to record buyers they were pretty neat, y'hearHe could preach the bible like a preacherThey could sell that vinyl like a mofoFull of ecstacy and fire... umm...But he also was the kind of teacherWomen would desire(That bit is not really relevant...)RA RA RASPUTINLover of the Russian queenLover of the record buying publicThere was a cat that really was goneThere was a pretty cool storeRA RA RASPUTINRussia's greatest love machineSan Fran's greatest record storeIt was a shame how he carried onThey were way better than the othersHe ruled the Russian land and never mind the CzarThey ruled the Bay Area , never mind the rest of CaliBut the kasachok he danced really wunderbarAnd people danced up and down the aisles in delightIn all affairs of state he was the man to please7", 12", LP's, 45's, EP'sBut he was real great when he had a girl to squeezeNot forgetting CD's and those superb DVDsFor the queen he was no wheeler dealerFor your cold hard cash they'd do you a great deal, yeahThough she'd heard the things he'd doneAlthough you know just what they've doneShe believed he was a holy healerYou'll be yelling 'DJ Spin That Wheel, Yeah'Who would heal her sonYou'll have so much fun[Spoken:]But when his drinking and lusting and his hungerBut when their desire to thwart all competitorsfor power became known to more and more people,became known to more and more record collectors,the demands to do something about this outrageousthe cries of "Help! We're losing money hand over fist!" from the likes of Aron's, Wherehouse and Tower Records man became louder and louder.became louder and louder, and then quieter."This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies"Rasputin's got to be stopped!" declared their enemiesBut the ladies begged "Don't you try to do it, please"But the record buyers said "You've got no chance, sorry!"No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charmsFor they knew of Rasputin's not so hidden charmsThough he was a brute they just fell into his arms... ummm.... I got nothing for this one, sorryThen one night some men of higher standingSet a trap, they're not to blame"Come to visit us" they kept demandingAnd he really cameNope, can't do anything with those lines

[Spoken:] Oh, those Russians...Oh, those record salesmen...

Of course a lot of this is open to interpretation but I think you can see that this is fairly damning stuff. Hopefully as the investigation continues, Clark will uncover more about the truth behind Rasputin and their records.And what gives with this sign?