The Kingdom of Calponia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by King Kyle Lyndsea XI with an even hand, and remarkable for its prohibition of alcohol, pith helmet sales, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 5.759 billion Calponians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wellington. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 32.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Calponian economy, worth 962 trillion Gold Pieces a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 167,175 Gold Pieces, with the richest citizens earning 9.3 times as much as the poorest.

Church and state are inseparable in their influence on education, war criminals are given full state funerals, the aphorism "there's no need to argue" has been dismissed by Calponians, and scaffolding is built around scaffolding to give safe access. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Calponia's national animal is the Dove, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Christianity.