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Friday, February 22, 2013

Inside Emotions and Notes from the 2013 Tranz Fresno Pageant

Friday Feb. 15,
2013 11;15 AM

by Michelle
Nastasis

- As you
might have guessed, my nerves are shot. There are SO many questions and
thoughts running through my head. All of the possible 'what if' questions are
there and swirling around. I'm so afraid of failing and making an ass of
myself. I feel like I'm carrying a lot of hopes and dreams of the MTF community
here in Fresno. I can't wait for this to be over.

- As
usual with any pageant, there was a HUGE last minute problem with my gown. I
just found out that it's NOT going to be ready on time. Now what?? Maybe I
should wear my long blue dress instead (note: I ended up wearing it for the
evening wear competition)

- My hands are
shaking so hard that I could thread a MOVING sewing machine and writing is so
difficult. Breathing is even difficult too.

- I still have
a ton of last minute details to go over as well. How do I want my hair to be
styled, etc.?

- Sleep is NOT
forthcoming tonight, even with taking a sleeping pill. Tomorrow is going to be
a VERY long day.

Saturday Feb.
16, 2013 Noon

- And so it
begins.

- Dresses out -
check

- Shoes out and
cleaned - check

- Makeup packed
- check

- Hair supplies
packed - check

- Nerves still
shot to hell - BIG TIME

- My voice and
throat are scratchy to start the day. Not a good thing. More pressure to an
already nervous situation.

- 12:30.
Coffee. Trying to use caffeine to calm down. Yeah, I know....it goes against
the grain. I'm also making sweet tea and a salt water gargle in case my throat
still hurts.

- Note to self:
get the nails re-touched BEFORE show time. 5 PM or so works, I think.

- 2:45. I'm
STILL extremely nervous. What in the hell was I thinking when I said yes to
competing???

- 2:55. I just
did a vocal run through. Morning scratchiness is gone - FOR NOW....

- 3:20. Time is
absolutely crawling by. Bored. Double checked my duffel bag and all seems in
order. Poor Lisa. She's a real saint. I must be driving her NUTS.

- 4:15. Elisia
arrived. I didn't realize how much stuff we were packing. It took 5 trips from
our place to the car to get everything in.

- 5:00. Now the
nerves REALLY get to kicking. Rachel B. meets us at the door and shows us our
dressing area. Now I'm wondering where Leah is. She calls and shes big time
lost - IN CLOVIS, no less. Lisa fires up her computer and to help keep me calm
we put country music on it and crank it up to max volume.

- 5:20. Leah
arrives and we begin the process of fixing my hair. It just dawned on me how
much time THIS is going to take. Lisa 'donates' her wig to another T-girl
(Emily) who is making her 1st public appearance tonight. SHE'S more nervous
than I am. The entire room smells of hair spray, mousse and perfume.

- 7:15. All of
my guests are here. YEA!!!! The auditorium is really getting full and there's a
great deal of energy in the back AND in the hall. I take a few minutes to TRY
and eat (3 bites and I'm full). All of my guests (Carol S., Elisia W., Lisa W.,
Kim C., Billie H. (From Metro Behavioral Health), Martin (another friend from
Behavioral Health), Laura L. (still another friend from Behavioral Health),
Leon V. and my hairdresser, Leah L.) are at one table!!! I also saw my doctor
(and one of the judges), Dr. Jennifer Burnett as well.

- 7:57. Almost
show time. First up is ME for day wear and the judges Questions and Answer
Session. Leon V. is taking tons of pictures for the article HES writing for the http://www.gaycentralvalleyblog.com/. Thank you Leon for the
great pictures!!!!

- 10:27. Please
dear God don't let me screw THIS song up. I'm announced and walk out on stage.
Music starts. I nailed it. My timing and tempo were spot on!!!

- 10:45. All of
the contestants are called on stage one final time. Before the 2 winners are
announced, the contestants as a whole decide to make a statement about our
mutual dislike for BULLYING. (It has to stop - NOW!!!!)