Today is always met with dread by news writers around the world. What is news and what’s a joke dressed up as news? Thankfully some of the best April Fools’ Day stories are quite obvious, but no less funny because of it. We’ve rounded up the best of the bunch.

Twitter launches Twttr, wants $5 per month for vowel use

Twitter has revealed that from today its 140 character social network is becoming a two tier service. The basic service is free and called Twttr, but you can’t use vowels. If you want your vowels back in tweets, then you need to upgrade to the full Twitter service, which costs $5 a month.

If this was real, I can imagine everyone just adjusting to not using vowels, but it would be like reading a whole new language that would take some getting used to.

Firebox offers $250,000 Iron Man suit

UK online retailer Firebox has decided to offer a fully-functional Iron Man suit crafted from a mix of carbon and steel. It includes a Mark XLVII headset complete with holographic technology, hand-mounted stabilization jets, thigh-mounted flares, and a 1,000 watt lithium battery to power the unit.

The suit comes with a warning, though. Due to how experimental the suit is, customers will need to undertake rigorous physical and psychological tests before being allowed to purchase one. You will also have to come up with $250,000.

Study Underwater Basketweaving with Coursera

Coursera is a well-known provider of online courses, many of which have been created by partnering with universities. But the course introduced today is certainly different.

Underwater Basketweaving will see students spend up to 6 hours a week for 5 weeks learning how to “weave beautiful, structurally superior wet-weave baskets in the ancient Aquacamamata style.” I predict some very wrinkly fingers should anyone choose to enroll.

Razer Naga mouse and phone in one

When you’re sitting at your desk gaming on your PC, typically you’ll have your smartphone in reach in case a call or text comes in. But isn’t it annoying having to take your hand off your mouse to answer a call? Razer thinks so, so they are introducing the Razer Naga–a mouse that doubles as a phone.

Communication is always in the palm of your hand, so you can order pizza in-game, without ever needing to take your sweaty digits off that high-precision rodent.

Virgin’s glass-bottomed plane

Long haul flights can get pretty boring, especially if your plane doesn’t have WiFi or you’ve seen all the movies being offered. So Virgin has come up with another “feature” to keep you occupied or so scared you can’t move out of your seat for the entire flight.

Richard Branson has proudly announced that Virgin Atlantic is introducing the world’s first glass-bottomed plane. Now, looking down from your seat will reveal a thin pane of glass between you and the runway, landscape, or clouds below.

Wolfram Alpha Handwritten Knowledge Engine

Wolfram Alpha is a well-known computational knowledge engine, or anwwer engine, developed by Wolfram Research. You ask it a question and you’ll probably get the answer you were looking for. But Wolfram has realized it isn’t very personal, so for April 1st they are introducing the Handwritten Knowledge Engine.

Basically, instead of just getting your results back in standard printed text form, Wolfram has apparently hired new staff to transcribe the results by hand. You, the user, will see handwritten answers and illustrations where appropriate. But be quick, hands get tired and cramp up, meaning your results may stop being returned quickly very soon.

Imgur upload via snail mail

Imgur has decided to start catering to the film camera user, the computer illiterate, and “those afraid of radiation from scanners,” by introducing a snail mail feature. You can now mail your images to Imgur using the PO Box address.

Mail your image and 2-3 weeks later you will receive the URL to your now uploaded image. There’s what looks to be a real PO Box, so I’m sure Imgur will be receiving more than a few images in the post, be they jokes or people actually taking this service seriously.

Google Fiber to the Pole

Google is slowly rolling out Google Fiber to locations in the US. One of those is Kansas City, which is now also getting Google Fiber to the Pole. The idea being, you can still get access to super fast Internet and ubiquitous gigabit connectivity when you’re out and about, simply by plugging into a Google pole box.

Each pole adjusts to your height, and has a QR code you need to scan three times. If you see one, be sure to plug in and take advantage of the speed.

GOG.com introduces the RetroMator 4000

GOG.com has made a name for itself by making classic games available to play on modern operating systems and without DRM. Now they are set to introduce the RetroMator 4000, which will bring old school gaming to modern games.

This free product will allow you to scale modern game graphics back to VGA, switch out the UI for something really old, replace QTEs with impossible boss battles, removes all regenerating health features, and break your games up into virtual disks to help relive the old days.

If you see any other clever April Fools’ Day posts share them in the comments below. Google went a bit overboard producing several, but Google Fiber to the Pole was certainly the best in my view. There’s also a BlackBerry tablet rumor a lot of sites fell for. What else is out there today?