I rate every animal

Tag Archives: sea slug

Both great successes and serial killers inspire copycats. We still don’t know which of those the rabbit is. The existence of its copycat the jorunna parva gets us no closer to figuring it out.

What… are… you…?

It is a sea slug.

Special powers

Those little protruberances that look like rabbit ears are sensory organs that guide it to food, mates and the best deals on mobile phones and accessories.

It’s big in Japan.

Also, I have bad news for would-be predators of the jorunna parva: it is extremely toxic.

Weaknesses

Because of that toxicity, it rarely gets hugs.

It’s not particularly mobile. It just sort of scoots along the ocean floor, never once jumping or running or dancing. It didn’t get Footloose at all.

Its hero worship of the rabbit runs deep. If the rabbit says it’s cool to do something, the jorunna parva will do it if it can. That’s fine when it comes to innocent stuff like eating carrots, but could easily lead the jorunna parva astray.

Number of legs

None.

Celebrity birthdays

The jorunna parva shares a birthday with…

Nate Silver, who grew up calling his birthday “numbers day” for the number on the cake and never stopped calling it that and it’s pretty weird now.

Shelvin Mack, professional basketball player and amateur Level 28 Ranger in his weekly D&D game.[1]

Keith Villa, founder of Blue Moon Brewing Company, who in the early days of his company would bring bags of oranges to bars to tell the bartenders about them. “Here comes the orange bag man we call Keith,” the bartenders would say. “He was born in a bag and he thought an orange was the sun.” And they were right.

What if it fought a bear?

The bear shouldn’t even touch the jorunna parva.

Is it noble?

Moderately.

Final rating

The jorunna parva is the most charismatic sea slug, but that’s fainter praise than it deserves. I just hope it’s not idolizing a killing machine.