Saturday, May 2, 2009

100th post!

My last article on Ancient Sparta checked off yet another arbitrary blogging milestone - the legendary 100th post. She was a wily beast to slay, and the ephemeral joy of her capture was fleeting. Nevetheless, I fully intend to feast on the glory and bask in your envious adulation.

Of course, promiscuous dynamos like PersonalFailure and UNRR scratched their hundredth tally into the bedpost yonks ago, and are probably thinking "so, what? I did it, and I'll do it again." But like the mercenary caress of your first hooker, you never forget the giddy joys of your first century. Oh, sure, they might tell you they're happy. But as they soar ever closer to the seedy millennium, it's the perverse happiness of yesterday's makeup and unemployed clowns.

To those of you still furiously blogging away, beating at your keyboard and tugging at your hair with frustration, desperately trying to score that hundred, I will say only this: Frodo is watching.

Of course if we'd been designed by Frodo with eight fingers instead of ten, then this article would've been my 144th, and my history of Man - the last 303,240 years would have been my 100th. And if we had eleven fingers, we'd have to start using letters in our numbering, which is a whole new kind of crazy. The message is clear: numbers are evil.

I will be accepting gifts now.

New reader favorites?

Since by now you're no doubt in a sycophantic, fawning mood, I would like to ask you for your suggestions as to which articles to add to my reader favorites list.

If you're of the opinion that nothing you've read here has so far been any good, but you're confident that I'll come up with something worth reading in my second hundred, because seriously, it's like the freakin' law of probability or something, then you're guilty of the Blogger's Fallacy and you can shut yer hole.

But like the mercenary caress of your first hooker, you never forget the giddy joys of your first century. Oh, sure, they might tell you they're happy. But as they soar ever closer to the seedy millennium, it's the perverse happiness of yesterday's makeup and unemployed clowns.That . . . was so disturbing. Not the sort of thing I'd expect from a gentleman with a handlebar mustache. But even more disturbing, is the fact that I can't stop laughing, nonetheless.

Anywho, happy 100th! I hope you have at least 100 more, and that each one is better than the last.::air kisses::

Dude, you should've made a special 100th post cartoon to go with it! Your 101st post had better be something danged special!

One recommends an article by saying "of all of the awful dross strewn around your blog, I disliked ________ the least." The resulting list of un-disliked the least posts form the nominees for the Reader Despiséds. Readers then vote for their top five minus three un-disliked the least posts from the field of nominees by failing to select these in preference to the rest of the field which are un-disliked less than the most un-disliked the least. Those which don't receive the most votes are then ranked by their joke/word count ratio in order of the most failures to evoke laughter from those who would have read them had they not un-disliked them the least while not reading them. I will then throw away the results and arbitrarily choose them myself.

Please don't let me know if you don't need any obfuscation on the matter.

@Rita - it's only misogyny if you have some sort of moral standard by which to measure it... I've been looking for one. Do you have one I could borrow? Apart from the occasional fact that I get right on here - usually by accident - there's no much on this blog that's serious ;)

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