How does one describe someone like Inquisitor-Brother Eastwood? Most of his colleagues settle on ‘wanker’ and leave it at that. He’s a vile, womanising, arrogant, paranoid, caffeine addict. That is to say, he would be womanising, except he has worse luck with women than a Hound Berserker that hasn’t heard of soap. This has led to a vast accumulation of pornography; so vast that it flooded half the memory of the CABAL network and actually shut it down for a week, despite CABAL’s numerous safeguards to prevent such an occurrence.

He is the bane of the Tyrusian School For Attractive Sixteen-year-old Schoolgirls, having been thrown off the grounds of the site no less than three hundred times over a ten year period. In addition, he has the dubious honour of being excommunicated for three weeks after setting fire to the High Council’s vending machine after it apparently “Put stealth creamer in my coffee, the tin bastard!” How he is still alive, let alone an Inquisitor, continues to baffle High Command.

On a positive note, physically Eastwood can be extremely quick and agile when he feels that the situation warrants. Unfortunately, this is usually only when his well-documented arachnophobia comes into play.