Wassup everybody it’s BreC again and today I want to talk about the effects of absent parents. In the midst of my dad’s passing I have realized the effects that absent parenting has had on my life. I realized this truth through my tears. I know you are probably thinking well what does that mean, so I’ll tell you. When my dad died I cried, but it wasn’t for what I lost, but what I never had a chance to have.
At my dad’s funeral service people told the best stories of him. He was everyone’s protector. He made everyone feel special. He was dependable and reliable to people. He was this constant strong force in everyone’s life. That made me proud, but I think I reverted to that little girl in that moment that was sitting there wondering; why does he not want to be all these things to me?
During my childhood my mommy had a great job. She worked at the University of Pennsylvania in facilities. We went on vacations, and all though she couldn’t give me all her time, material wise she gave me the world. Life changed at 14 when she got laid off. We went from going on trips to barely being able to live. Coming from being spoiled this caused a shift in my mom’s personality, and during this time my dad started coming back around.
The times I did spend with my dad were great, but him walking in and out of my life caused me to be a little unsettled. For years the only thing I could remember about my dad, was him telling me not to come to his house unannounced. That stuck with me for 6 years. Hind sight being 20/20 I did not realize he stayed away from me due to his insecurities.
So at 22 I wrote him a letter explaining how he made me feel. How I never spent birthdays with him. How he wasn’t there at major parts of my life. How I didn’t want money I just wanted a dad. We started communicating again. I thought my adult life was a second chance for us. God had different plans because by 23 he was dead. Once again I was stuck thinking, he was constant to everybody else, except me.
So I am writing this to say Dear Dads, be there for your daughters. Dear Moms, don’t make fathers feel inadequate. At 23 I can love people efficiently. I have issues with expressing my emotions. I am still that person just longing to be herself; not just like my mom, or just like my dad. The way children are parented shapes their life. Children are a open canvas. So I say this to say paint it beautifully. I know my dad loved me the best he could. So this story is not to bash, but to raise awareness to absent parenting.