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Monday, 28 March 2011

Facebook Hurts

Hi,

A fellow blogger - Circus Queen - recently wrote about Facebook and I read it in the abstract, never having had a bad Facebook experience and largely using it for photo sharing and staying in touch. But yesterday I saw the cruel side of Facebook.

The person dishing out the hurt was clever enough NOT to make their comment malicious comms, (which is illegal) but dug the knife in nonetheless.

So what happened?
Well an old colleague is going to the sun for a few months. I've been wanting to meet up with her for ages but we hadn't pulled it off yet. When I saw pictures of a great night I innocently commented "did I miss a leaving do?" Anyone who knows me would know that I wasn't moaning for not being invited but rather expressing that it looked like a good night, and all the people there I get on well with. I also fleetingly wondered does having a young baby exclude me now - was just a passing thought, but the person in the photo knows I am very fond of her and we regularly exchange comments on Facebook.

Well another old-colleague who de-friended me on FB months ago, decided to comment below mine saying:

What a lovely fun picture... I think its great that you had a party with your close friends to say goodbye. Thats just the way it should be. Hope you have a safe trip and a great time in the sun :-)

Now, what makes it intentional? (1) there were 37 photos but he commented on the same one as me (2) the only comments on that photo were mine and his. (3)And reading between the lines how loaded is that comment? Even though there is a veneer of treacle! I have bolded the loaded bits.

Now this would have NORMALLY been like water of a duck's back BUT Aaron was asleep on my knee and VERY VERY sick (not a regular thing at all and Mum was scared), and I was specifically on Facebook last night, to cheer myself up. It was the small-mindedness, vindictiveness and unnecessary aspect of it that hurt, and made me cry.

As I blog more, I Facebook less and looks like this trend will continue.

I don't know how people like that sleep at night. I don't always think I deserve better, but I know Aaron does, and hurt him, and you hurt me.

8 comments:

The written world (txt, email, Facebook and blogs) can be a very cruel place sometimes. People write things that they would never be brave or ignorant enough to say to their face. It's hard to let these comments roll off you when you are a new mum and you have all these emotions running through you. Hope Aaron is feeling better today. x

I totally agree with Claire. It sounds like that colleague said something on the internet they wouldn't have been dumb enough to say in person. You didn't deserve that but, hey, I guess we just have to let ignorant people be just that sometimes. Glad I got you thinking about FB. :)

Sorry to hear about this Liska. I had a really awful experience with Facebook - truly awful where I lost half a stone in weight and have anxiety issues due to bullying - last September and I deactivated my account and have never ever opened it again.

I know it's hard but try not to let it get to you. Some people are just spiteful and clearly have uninteresting lives so they try to spice them up by causing others hurt.

There really is no need for comments like that. Some people can be so cruel. Don't you worry though. You are making lots of lovely new friends on here who won't criticise you and love hearing about all you have been up to with that lovely little boy of yours!!! Hope you are both feeling better today xxx

I am the same as you now with facebook, looking at it less and less. I look now when there is nothing else to look at! I am sick of people's irritating updates and I don't want to share my life to everyone on there. Facebook does leave people wide open to abuse and just one comment can be really hurtful, I have seen people paranoid and upset over things. Don't waste your energy worrying about that snide comment, have they nothing better to do? Lots of lovely people on here! :-) xx

People can be so tactless Liska. Don't let them get under your skin. You concentrate on getting AAron better and looking after yourself. (btw it wasn't me on that shortlist, got very confused and got the wrong end of the stick...but eventually worked out what was going on! Definitely not me though...I did't enter!!) xxxx