Thursday, June 12, 2008

New ‘Smurfs’ Movie Will Be Live Action. Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.

The prospect of a movie based on the ancient and well-regarded cartoon The Smurfs was hardly something that had filled us with joy.

It made hecklerspray let out a trademark sigh as we looked forward to another summer of movies single-handedly decimating the best years of our lives.

But this week the news suddenly became plain ridiculous, when it was revealed the upcoming Smurfs movie, apparently still in the works even though everyone had forgotten about it, will be - wait for it - live action.

Live action with sprinklings of CGI!!! Like the recent Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.

Oh dear!!! Apparently, as Variety reports, David Stern and David Weiss, the authors behind the last two installments of Shrek, are in talks to write the screenplay.

So far, there is no word on who will direct it, when it will be released and what it will be about. But that is almost comforting.

Now, you know we at the ’spray aren’t ones to bitch - far from it.

In fact, we’re positive guiding lights of glory in the world today. But this has to rank among some of the most insane ideas ever. What in the (literal) blue hell are they going to do with it?

Have tiny CGI Smurfs invading a human-populated locale? Are they going to use midgets? Is Lindsay Lohan going to put on a blue costume and slut it up with all the other blue horndogs?

Time will tell.

You see, what was originally meant to be a cartoon remake has turned into a live action, CGI affair. Both of these options are welcome when reviving a beloved creation, as long as due care and attention is paid to the source material.

But part-CGI, part-live action smacks of either pending incredible failure or the chance to terrify a whole new generation.

Tiny blue computer-generated men (and a girl) hanging around with people? Or just, well, blue people? The thought is too much for fragile minds to take on board.

But at least it cannot be as terrifying as this, no matter how tight the Papa Smurf costume may be.