this is a short story revolving around two of the six main characters from the comic im doing. I'll be posting it as soon as i finish editing it =3Ok this is a two sided story it shows how the two characters (Lance and Alex) get their morning started. (it's from first person POV) Please tell me if there are problems with it (-｡-; *sigh* here goes!Lance's wake up call!5:00 am."Eyes open, legs stretching, and my head's hurting! God I hate waking up" I start searching for the clothes I'm gonna wear for school. When I find it, a black jacket with a grey T-Shirt, and denim shorts, I go to the bathroom to find my brother has got there first."open the door and get out!" "why should I! I got here first, and I have to get ready for work!""And I have to get ready for school, and I want to at least have some hot water while I shower." "then how about you get a job and you pay the rent, oh, and while your at it how about you pay for all the food you eat too!" at this point I'm getting annoyed."How about you get enough money for us to live in a nice house instead of this crappy apartment!" At this point he's getting really mad. He pops his head out and say" Okay Lance, how about I just send you back to live with mom and dad in that dingy shack in the middle of nowhere, so you can fend for yourself.You have no idea what I have to do for you to live here!so don't you start that mess with me!" That felt like a knife through my heart. " How- Could you say that." I start to feel tears roll down my face. I turn away and start to walk of when I felt one of his paws grab my shoulder and pull me into a hug. "Lance, I'm sorry I said that, I had no right to say something that evil, even as a threat. Can you forgive me?" I think about it for a second, and hug him tighter as I say " Of course I can! You are my big brother who protects, and cares for me. I'm sorry for insulting you. Can you for give me?"he almost instantly says "of course! your my lil bro, who I gotta take care about and love, this will never change, no matter how annoying you get." he gives me a warm smile so I smile back. But the warm moment broke when I realized he didn't have a towel on. I blushed and yelled " OH MY GOD PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" he said with a chuckle"oh come on you act like we never used to have baths together." " NOWS DIFFERENT!" " Fine, fine I'll go."He goes to his room and closed the door. Man he's hopeless!(I wonder what alex's doin right now.)

Alex's Morning routineAround the same time Lance Woke upwe see a girl coming into Alex's house. She sneaks up the stairs to his bedroom door decorated with a giant poster from the movie Bleach Fade To Black. She slowly opens the door, tiptoes to the bed and draws her muzzle close to his ears and yell "GOOD MORNING AL-KUN!" "AUUGH!" Alex then falls out of the bed. "WHAT THE HECK STACI, how did you even get in here!?" "heh, I used the front door silly" "but it was locked." " Oh Alex, you silly pup! Did you already forget im a master lock picker." Alex got up and then said "Is there any particular reason your here?" Staci then twirled around and said "I wanted to borrow your IPod!" "... That's it. You broke into my home, and almost gave me a heart attack for my iPod." " that about sums it up." he then sighed and said" just take it and leave." when Staci left he got up and started getting ready for school.5:16AM.Alex is just getting out of the shower and has his clothes set out. A green and orange turtle neck with a Dragon design in the center, with a pair of blue jeans with a green belt, and a black collar with a golden musical note charm. (This'll do for today, I guess it does pay to look nice) after getting ready he looks for his breakfast. When he can't find anything he likes he decides to just skip breakfast. "wonder what that idiots doing right now? Oh well I have some time. Let's go check on my status on Rumble Fighters." he then dashes to his room.

Back to Lance's POV6:15AM. After getting out of the shower. "hmm wonder what I'll wear. Oh! How about a Red T-Shirst with black shorts, and a black collar with a magenta heart charm on it! That sounds nice"(Alex'll be so jealous of my style, while he dresses in such bland clothing! He would never understand my style of dressing!) Maurice yells up to me"Lance! I made eggs,waffles,toast, And orange juice." "Ok I'm coming!" I get dressed and run down the stairs and start eating, after I finish I yell " thanks for the meal! I'm gone! Love you." "Love you too lil brother. See ya when you get back." he gives a sweet smile and and goes back to making his own breakfast.

At the bus stop.6:50AM. I run out the door and walk down the stairs to the lobby and out the door.I go to my bus stop down the street,and wait for Alex. When I spot him walking down the street with Staci it takes all I have not to say anything. Staci was dressed in a Japanese school uniform with a long skirt, and a pink collar. She looked very cute. I started to blush at this thought, and shook my head. "Hey Lanney-Kun!" "Stop calling me that! It's stupid!" "Well its my mouth and I'll say what I want!" Alex stepped in and covered her mouth"Staci, calm down!" after she calmed down we all sat down on the bench and Alex said" So Lance...how was your morning?" "Meh, just the usual. How was yours?" "Ehh About very Un-Epic. How about you Staci?" she giggles at this "Oh silly Al-Chan. that's none of your business." That make Alex smirk in annoyance. There is a period of silence. But suddenly Alex says "I really appreciate you guys, ya know" Me and Staci just stare at him. Then I say " we appreciate you too. Where did that come from though?" Alex sighs and says " it's just that I've been so lonely since my parents left me." I winced at this. "Without you guys I would still be lonely... So thank you" Stacy whines and says " Oh Al-Chan I'll stay by your side always" and she hugs him tight. I chuckle an say "Aww why don't you two just Date already!" and they start yelling "We are not dating" in unison. Suddenly the bus pulls up an we rush to get on. We all find seats near the middle of the bus and speed off towards the bright new day.F.I.N.

So tell me what you guys think（^人^）

_________________To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

Last edited by TensaZangetsu on Sat Sep 03, 2011 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:45 pm

TensaZangetsu

Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:53 pmPosts: 2484Images: 0Location: Meh

Re: those mornings

The next story will revolve around more characters! Ill post more AFTER the review.Also I'm still thinking of a title for the comic! Anybody have any ideas? *sigh* I'm hopeless. (⌒-⌒; )Oh before I forget () means a thought.

_________________To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

That sounds like an interesting story. Odd girl to break in someones house at 5 AM in the morning to borrow their music device though. Currently Lance sounds most relatable to. However, my only criticism is, having to use the word 'says' a lot. Though I guess it is hard not to in First-Person.

Yes people season does not matter to me when it comes to writing stories!Halloween surprise... Yes.. Voice colors! LanceBlueMarliciaGreenMauriceYelloeMariaRedWerewolfThis color Even though it'll be past Halloween when this story is done, I'm still doing this! Prologue Lance"Halloween... I hate it. What's the point in dressing up as stupid little monsters and such. The only reason Im doing it is because Marlicia wouldn't stop begging. What does she see in it? This day can't get more annoying."Marlicia"Halloween... It's a great day! You get to dress up in your favorite costume, and get candy. You just have to watch out for chocolate. And this halloweens better cause Lance is coming too! It's gonna be great. This day can't get any better! Maria+MauriceMaurice-"Halloween is that magical time for scary fun!"Maria-"Halloween is best spent with best friends... Too bad staci got sick"Maurice-"yeah, that was out of nowhere. That's really wierd."Me-"off task guys. We have a story to do... Remember!?"Maurice&Maria-"Sorry *sad whines*" Me-"I forgive you"Ch 1Lance waits on Marlicia, Maurice, and Maria to get ready for Trick or Treating. "Aren't we a bit old for this?"Maurice pops his head out his door"Silly kid brother, you're never too old to go trick or treating! When did you become such a sour puss?" whisper *when I started high school.*"What was that?" "Nothing" maurice shook his head and closed the door.*at Maria's house*Marlicia was helping Maria get her costume on. She was going as Count Dracula's Bride. She wore a long red dress with red high heels. She had her hair braided, and tied into a big pony tail."Wow, you look so beautiful. I'm kinda jealous.""What, of lil old me? C'mon im not all that special, and besides, this is nothing compared to last years costume""Yeah, I remember that one! You went as a Succubus. You pulled it off great!""I know I did... anyways do you remember the plan for tonight? The one involving scaring Lance?"Marlicia scoffed at that. "Of course I remember! Did you remember to tell Maurice?"Maria sighed."We went over this Mars, if I tell him, he'll tell lance, which will ruin the plan. This would be a lot more fun if staci wasn't sick, and Alex went with his family to a party."Marlicia stopped paying attention after the part about staci, and finished up on Maria's hair.There, finished! Now I'm gonna get my outfit.Marlicia left to go put on her outfit. She was going as Betty Boop this year. She had a Betty Boop wig and everything. "This outta know their socks off."Ch 1 end!When we return tomorrow, well get this mess really started!Right!QUIET YOU!Happy Halloween! Gals at housepetsHappy Halloween! Guys at housepets!What did I just say? Am I not here?

_________________To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

Funny, of sorts."Never too old" is something my Dad wouldn't agree on whether his life depended on it...

_________________I has Deviant... urrm... by same name (durr)

Tue Nov 01, 2011 5:29 pm

TensaZangetsu

Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:53 pmPosts: 2484Images: 0Location: Meh

Re: those mornings

As suggested by leaf I made the voices darker.Marlicia Darker greenMaurice Bronze... I think Werewolf PurpleIn this chapter it'll be scary or silly. Either way I don't care. You should! *evil laugh*is that suppose to scare me?*Drat, he saw through me*Of course I DidHow did you-Get On with it already!Fine!Ch 2Maurice was putting on his costume. He was Dracula, so he could match with Maria.He wore a black cape, and red contacts with cat-like pupils, along with glow in the dark vampire fangs. he even dyed his fur black to make himself look more eerie. I might be overdoing this... What do you think lance?Lance just gave a blank stare.I reall couldn't cate less. And that's me being honest.You can stand to be a bit more... Nevermind, your mood fits the holiday perfectly!Lance rolled his eyes, on the outside he was very nonchalant, but on the inside he just felt very upset.*Why are the making me do this!? They know how much I hate this kind of thing!* he was too wraped up in his own thoughts to hear Maurice.Hello, earth to Lanny! You need to get ready.Lance didn't answer. He got worried, cause usually if he called him Lanny, he'd punch him.Lance, are you okay... Answer me! Lance! Wait! I know! he left the room, and returned with a bucket of ice water.Lance if you dont answer I will dump this on you!Lance still didn't answerI warned ya!He then poured the water over lance's head. WHAT THE ****! WHY'D YOU DO THAT! lance yelled, followed by a deep growl.Maurice droped the bucket and gave a innocent look. Well I was worried. You wouldn't answe me! You didn't even answer when I called you Lanny!Wow, I musta been really out of it!Well can you get ready now. You promised to put on the costume I bought.Why did you have to get a Pirate outfit?Stop complaining, and put it on! It's over there. he pointed to his bed.Lance grabbed the outfit and left. You could at least say thank you!Lance yelled back No thank you!Maurice growled and got his phone (IPhone 4) and called Maria, but Marlicia answered instead*Hello?Hi prick!Wow, That was so funny I forgot to laugh, where's Maria?she's still getting ready.Are you ready yet?yeah. Oh se just came out of her room, I think she's ready.That's great! I'll come by with lance in about 15 minutesokay, what costume is he wearing anyway.You'll see when we get there.whatever, bye Mutt!Bye Psycho Kitty!End of conversation******Lance was in his room half finished dressing. This outfit is ridiculous! But he was nice enough to buy it. So I gotta wear it! Even if it lacks heavily in class. If I didn't love him, I'd have shredded this to pieces, dropped it in the fire place, take the ashes, and rub them into his eyes!... Lucky for him.Ch 2 endHey, the outfit wasn't that bad was it?Everyone else at once: YES IT WAS! Werewolf: It was very distasteful.Hmm, yes. I agree with fang face over there.Hey!Get used to it! I do this to everyoneIt's true! She's as blunt as a jagged rockI am going to hurt you now.I understand.... WAAAHH!*runs off*Well... Later!*chases lance*Get back here!'ll stop this here.Bye, see ya next chapter!Must you do that every time?Yes.******well this was a short chapter. The next ones tomorrow! You'll get to hear about Lance's "terrible" costume.

_________________To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

... Well?Well what?The story.Oh! Hey guys at Housepets, this chapter was early. Cause usually I'd do it at night.He is so stupid.I couldn't agree more.I can Hear!Shut up, were not talking to you.Harsh.... Oh right! On with the torture.Ch 3 Part 1Lance was finished getting ready.He's wearing a jack sparrow costume, with a pirate sword. He could have at least got a less itchy costume.He looked at himself in a mirror.Wow, I don't look half bad! ... I still hate this holiday though.He frowned and went to the kitchen, and waited at the back door for Maurice, who just entered with four bags.Here!Lance took the bag and thanked his older brother to be nice, even though on the inside he was still upset at him.They left out the door and headed to Maria's house, which was a few houses down. They walked up to the door, and Maurice knocked on the door. Guys, were here!Nobodys home!Open the door!Who is it?Us!Us who?Girl stop it!Fine.Marlicia opened the door, and lance thwacked her on the head.Oww! What was that for!?For trying to be funny!Can you guys argue later, we have houses to go to!Okay everybody remember, if you get chocolate, don't eat it! Unless you wanna die.Gee Thanks Captain Obvious! Marlicia then rolled her eyes.You guys better hurry before I leave you!They looked up, and Maurice was halfway up the block.Hey! Wait up!Then they ran to catch up.****** First houseMaria knocksPerson opens door.Everyone at once (except lance): TRICK OR TREAT!My how lovely. Here you are.Everyone(except lance again): THANKS!Leaves house.*****So, what'd we get?What the? Ice!I got a watch.I got a coupon. What am I gonna do with that!?I got a piece of aluminum, woopie! lance then frowned.Okay, maybe it'll go better at the next house.(five houses later)Wow, my bag got filled up to the brim!I'm gonna need a second bag!Okay, I wasn't expecting the third house to be that generous. Well have to ask for bags at the next house. I told you that halloween was fun lance!Whatever! I still don't like it! Anyways I have enough junk for one night, I'm going home.Are ya sure one bags enough Lance? You could get more!Nah, ones enough. Bye.Suit yourself lil bro! Bye.Maurice hugs him, and lance pushes him off.*****Lance stops halfway home and sits down on the sidewalk.Man, I'm tired! And I still have a ways to go. lance lays back and stares into the light of the lamppost he was under.*Rustle* Hmm? Is someone there?*Growl*Hey, I'd apreciate it if you stop being such a jerk and show yourself!That just earned another growl.Lance traced the sounds to a bush.He walked over and stared at itHey stupid, at least learn to be more polite!Well Sorry!Are you gonna come out?Might as well.Then, a wolf like head poped out.All the way!Fine Mr. Pushy!Then the wolf head showed it's whole body.The animal was about three feet taller than lanceHis canines, and claws looked as sharp as knives.His eyes were a bright yellow.His breath smelled like raw meat.Hey, nice costume! I can never get my claws that sharp! What costume?I mean the cool claws and fangs! are you suppose to be some werewolf or something?Sorry to break it to ya, but this ain't no costume. The claws and fangs are real.So you're a dog who forgets to groom?Nope. You already said it. I'm a werewolf.LIAR! werewolves don't exist!Do you want me to prove I'm a werewolf?Go for it bub.Then the wolf creature shreded lance's costume to bits.Believe me now?... Yes, and why'd you shred my costume!?To prove I'm a werewolf!Couldn't you have just smashed a boulder or something! What am I gonna tell my brother!?...sorryNo, it's alright. That costume was itchy anyway. So what's your name?It's Larz but most people call me fluffy.... Could you repeat that Last part?Fluffy. What about it?... Pffffh HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! FLUFFY! SERIOUSLT! ARE YOU SERIOUS! HAHAAA!lance fell on his back cackling.Its not wise to make fun of someone who could snap you like a twig.Lance stopes instantly.Uh sorry. I got carried away. Anyways, what were you doing in that bush.Napping.Then how did you growl at me?That, was my stomach. I'm pretty hungry.That raises another question, why aren't you home? Don't you have a pack or something to go to?

Larz then frownedI never had a family, or a home. I was abandoned when I was still a cub, since I was the runt of the litter.Oh, that's horrible!Nah, it's alright. I've gotten along just fine.Lance then had a thought. you can come live with me and my brother!No, really its fine.Not up to you! Now come on!Lance then pulled Lars by the arm.But I... Okay.Ch 3 Pt 1endPhff, fluffy.I dare you to.Okay okay, no need to get upset.Hey fluff, you end it today. I'm too tired.Huh, oh okay. Bye, bye people at Housepets!Bye guys!

This chapter is so long it needs two parts!

_________________To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

Wed Nov 02, 2011 6:45 pm

TensaZangetsu

Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:53 pmPosts: 2484Images: 0Location: Meh

Re: those mornings

We interrupt your regularly scheduled story for This! We call it Character Radio! It's your favorite duo matt&cole here!Well be bringing in the characters for a one on once Q&A! And our frost one is*spins wheel*Maria Azule Cortez-Maria enters- -crowd cheers-Hi everyone*matt and Cole*: Hi, Great to have ya!What kind of name is Cortez?Well it's spanish in origin.I'm not sure what it means thoughwho's your favorite person right now?Marlicia! She may be rude, blunt, and arrogant, but she really grows on you. Okay, I'm an idiot for just realizing this... Doesnt your initials spell MAC?Yep! Don't worry nobody ever notices instantly.Can I call you Mac?I'd rather you didn't kid.So, Uh MAC got any dirt on -?Wait! I just realized something! There's only five character! Won't we get cancelled after episode five?Well... Well just invite people from Housepets!How would they get here? And how do we know they would even come?Hey, I'm still here.Oh right... You... As I was saying earlier, got any dirt on the others!You are just evil!Tell me something I don't know!Well, I do know their secrets, but I'm not telling! They're my friends! I would never betray them!Not even for... 1,000$? My dads loaded, so he wouldn't miss it.No!5,000$?Not for 10, 20, or even 100,000$!Fine! Be that way!Cant you guys stay on task for at least-*BZZZZ* Oh, times up! We gotta wrap this up.Maria, wanna end it?Though you'd never ask!Guys at Housepets! The story will resume tomorrow, so don't fret! Just wait!All: CAST OUT! BUH BYE!Act 1 END.as Maria said, the regular story continues tomorrow!And expect more of these segments in the future!Seriously, you wouldn't cancel us... Right?No, I'd never dream of it! No need for sarcasm!

_________________To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

Thu Nov 03, 2011 7:24 pm

TensaZangetsu

Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:53 pmPosts: 2484Images: 0Location: Meh

Re: those mornings

Srry guys, no chapter today.

_________________To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

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