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Bringing the Heat – Arizona Diamondbacks

Last weekend of the regular season and the Arizona Diamondbacks are right in the thick of the National League race. So as you settle in for a sports gluttony weekend of one of the tightest NL finishes (OMG CLARE AND METSCHICK FREAKING OUT!) here is a quick guide to the D’Backs who might just cause you to shake your rattle.

And since this is last of the team-by-team MLB hottie profiles, I am getting out the glue gun, my best silver sparkle pen, and doing up the guys bulletin board style. (Best viewed in Firefox or IE, and yes, make sure your Flash is up to date.) Just sit back and let the hotties mesmerize you with their beauty…

I was lucky enough to check out a Diamondbacks game in person this past Labor Day, so just a few quick pics and thoughts of the house that Johnson and Schilling built.

This picture does not even come close to the feeling of just how huge Chase Field looks from the outside. When the zombie apocalypse does come, this should be one of the fortresses the remaining humans should try to hold when the Monroeville Mall falls on the other side of the country.

Oh. And it is ass-hot outside. ASS-hot.

On the inside? Disneyland. Baseball Disneyland. A well-scrubbed, perfectly quaffed wonderland. This type of clean and “new-ness” always makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe it reminds me of “sitting rooms” that people have with white carpeting – yes, please take your shoes off, dear – that never look lived in. Chase Field does not look lived in, even after nine years of use.

Maybe this was it. Maybe it was that you did not have to bring a sign to the game, that all you had to do was stand in line and they had the poster board, markers and paint right there to be a fan. A good idea by the D’Backs fan relations team to be sure, but still. It felt weird to me. Fortunately, they serve hard alcohol right there on the main concourse so it was easy to move past this awkwardness.

View from our seats. I have to admit, the price for such great seats was hard to beat. (Even if we did confuse the couple sitting behind us when when we stood up for the final out.)

If you are already open 363 days a year, why not just say fuck it and go for the other two? And which two days are they closed? Christmas and Thanksgiving? Christmas and New Year’s? Thanksgiving and New Year’s? Columbus Day and President’s Day?

The legendary hot tub and pool suite in the outfield. I couldn’t get a picture of him, but the towel boy who was working that day was mighty fine. Wonder what type of tip it takes to get him into the cabana…

I still call the place Bank One Ballpark/BOB, I can’t get used to this “Chase Field” nonsense. I’ve only been to a couple of MLB ballparks, and those were ages and ages ago, so “scrubbed clean” feels more normal than the scruff and dirt of Wrigley or Dodger Stadium, which are the other 2 I’ve been to. Go figure.