Myths and Legends

Jason Weiser tells stories from myths, legends, and folklore that have shaped cultures throughout history. Some, like the stories of Aladdin, King Arthur, and Hercules are stories you think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are stories you might not have heard, but really should. All the stories are sourced from world folklore, but retold for modern ears. These are stories of wizards, knights, Vikings, dragons, princesses, and kings from the time when the world beyond the map was a dangerous and wonderful place.

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A story about a king and his garden...that somehow turns into a story with genies, witches, boats full of male models, guys getting boiled alive, angry kitties, and secret agent mice. It's the story of the bronze ring, as collected by Scottish writer Andrew Lang.

The creature this time just wants to pop on by your hut for a beer and maybe turn you into an undying goblin. Because he likes you so much.

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Charlemagne is the Holy Roman Emperor, and as a Holy Roman Emperor in a legend, it's not surprising that he'd get a command directly from God. What is surprising, however, is that the command is less than holy.

The angry, bitter bird people on the creature of the week will be the death of chairs as we know them.

What do you do if an obvious witch stops you on the road and asks a favor? Keep walking, right? Well, for the first time in possibly the entirety of this podcast, here's an example of someone speaking to an evil-looking witch in the dark forest and it actually working out. It's the story of Hans Christian Andersen's "The Tinderbox".

Our second story is from Vietnam, and a poor family, a smart child, an evil moneylender, and a fly conspire to cause some legal difficulties.

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Check out the podcast "Dear Franklin Jones" by Stitcher. You can find it on Stitcher, on Apple Podcasts, and everywhere else by searching for "Dear Franklin Jones".

Let me know if you want a list of excellent mythology-related audiobooks, because I can get you a long list of myths and legends related audiobooks. You already love listening to stories, so check out Audible at http://audible.com/myths or text MYTHS to 500-500 for a 30-day trial and a free first audiobook.

Yvain and Gawain are just two best friends taking a fun trip together. Nevermind that they've been exiled from Camelot forever, making it a mandatory best friends vacation. It sparks the beginning of a yearlong quest filled with morbid church decorations, dragon diets consisting solely of puppies, and sad, creepy knights. Basically your standard Arthurian legend.

The creature of the week is a fearsome critter who loves your scent...especially if that scent is rum...

The story of William Tell is so much more than an arrow and an apple. It's the story of a reluctant hero, a tyrannical ruler, and why you shouldn't let your prisoners drive the vehicle you're using to take them to prison.

The creature this week is the cockatrice, and if you see a frog keeping eggs warm, that is just a completely normal and ok thing that won't end up destroying you and everyone you love.

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As I was reading the story of Gouyen, I couldn't believe it was a true story - the lengths and the danger this woman went to in order to bring her husband's killer to justice. She's brave, intelligent, and ruthless when it comes to going after her goals. And her story doesn't end there. Her name ends up associated with one of the most famous Apache warriors in American history and his fight against the United States.

The creature this time is what happens when you reaaaaaaally want to grow wings and pull your own head off (I mean, more than we all want to do all the time)

I feel pretty confident saying that this episode is the most fun you'll have listening to a story about child murder and cannibalism. Jack of Jack and the beanstalk fame is a hero who's...not really a hero. He's a lazy teenager who's kind of stupid. It's ok, though, because he keeps running into a kind ogre who repeatedly feeds him and saves his life...and he repays her kindness by robbing her blind.

The second story is that of Jack the Giant Killer, which I just recently learned is a different Jack. His story loops in with King Arthur's too, and it's just a lot of fun...if waking up in matted, greasy giant hair is your idea of fun.

The creature this week is a giant pig monster from Greek mythology! Which giant pig monster? Well, that's the fun (hint: there are too many giant pig monsters in Greek mythology).

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Two vastly different stories of children made from snow. The first is one where the king is called on to solve some dating issues...but then discovers something far colder is at play. The second is the completely real story of a totally legitimately born snow child and what do you mean you don't think he's real? Of course he's real? Well, whatever. You can't prove otherwise so what are you going to do about it?

The creature this week is one that likes to make his home (and his toilet!) out of cinnamon.

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A giant otherworldly monster that shoots fire from its mouth. The treacherous chief that killed his father. A super-smart fish dinner. These are just some of the things that Finn MacCool has to deal with as we wrap up the first part of his story and see how he comes to terms with his father's complicated legacy.

The creature is the best at what it does, and what it does isn't very nice. Because it involves sneaking into your house at night and stalking you with its beady little insect eyes and razor-sharp claws.

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If I could have just re-named myself in grade school, it probably would have been Finn MacCool. I mean, yeah, that's only an English transcription and it's actually spelled Fionn mac Cumhaill and it doesn't really mean "Cool guy named Finn" but, loosely, "Fair one who is the son of Cumhaill" but, you know, details.

Really, really stupid joking aside, today's story is awesome. It's parts tense human drama, revenge tale, and fantasy epic. It has young people trying to avenge their parents, giant monster fights, and, of course, a very smart fish. It's a two-parter, and it's been one of my favorite stories so far on this podcast.

The creature this week is a fire monster who likes to play with his food. Unfortunately, that involves flinging flaming heads at grieving families.

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Since Myths and Legends is off this week, I thought I would run an episode from our other show, Fictional. It's a podcast where we adapt and retell stories from all over fiction. Today's episode is part one of "The Time Machine" by H.G. Wells. If you're not already subscribed, this is a chance to check out the new show, and if you are, we'll see you next week with a new Myths and Legends!

"The Time Machine" is a book written by the father of science fiction, H.G. Wells. This is a book so famous that it actually coined the phrase "time machine" to refer to a machine that travels through time. It is a short but sprawling book, flinging mankind into the farthest future where we see how the consequences of our actions today can affect the world for millennia. It still holds up, too. It's a little more plot- and concept-heavy than today's novels, but it's a fascinating story full of interesting twists.

The villain this time is neither fascinating nor full of twists. He's a one-note idiot obsessed with returning to a past that never was.

The story of a few violent, zombie-filled Christmases from Norse legend.

There are two creatures this week! The first is the gloso! A friendly little piggy who will stop by to say hi. Except if you forget her Christmas gift. Then she turns into a demon of the night with glowing red eyes. The other is the nisse, a gnome will merely beat you senseless for forgetting his gift. Basically just remember to get gifts for all the mythological creatures on your list.

The Amazons are at the gates, and they want what they came for: the sister of the queen that was kidnapped by Theseus...but does Antiope, the Amazon, want to return? What will the horribly outmatched and, let's face it, outwitted Theseus do? How does this whole segment only take up 1/3 of the episode? We'll see on this week's thrilling conclusion to...last week's story.

The creature this week is why you don't want to go to that fun worm dance party on the beach. I know. We ruin everything.

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There is a monster that's worse than all other monsters. He's (literally) the father of monsters. His donkey-head scrapes the stars and his hands are a hundred snake heads. He was born for one singular purpose: to destroy the Olympians, and that's just what he'll do. His name is Typhon.

And that's just the first story today. Then we launch into the main story, about Theseus and the Amazons. We'll pick back up with our buddy Hercules as he's being terrible and get a background on the Amazons and see why you shouldn't do exactly what Theseus does.

There is someone that isn't happy that the family of Zeus and Hera is sitting on Olympus. Well, there are many people that aren't happy about it. Actually most people except for Zeus and his family aren't thrilled about it. Even then, they all kind of hate each other.

Regardless, someone finally comes along to do something about Zeus and his ilk. Someone from their past...and she's coming with an army...an army that has the ability to finally put an end to the Olympians once and for all.

The creature this time is a jacked angry unicorn with fabulous hair.

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Two stories of just terrible, terrible fathers from Greek mythology. The first is really only in the story for a few minutes, but helps to bring about two giants that could end his reign. The second is one who admits his mistake and takes pity on the boy before trying to do right by him. And it ends much, much worse than if he had done nothing at all.

The creature this time is an elephant unicorn who has one weird trick to make you feel strong. Hydras hate him.

The land of giants. Jotunheim. The realm of the monstrous "other" from Norse myth. Thorstein grew up being told it was only a legend, and he probably thought as much...until he walked into it.

This is the epic saga of Thorstein Mansion-Might, a legendary Viking who is bigger than doors.

The creature this time is Dr. Big Bird. He's a big bird who is an ancient world doctor. That sounds impressive until you think that probably anyone alive today is qualified to be an ancient world doctor.

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Abandoned at birth but in the possession of great power, the story of Maui is the story of an underdog that came to help the human race in immeasurable ways: giving them fire, pulling up islands, making the day longer, killing monsters to give coconuts, and convincing the sun to give us some more time in the day...by beating him mercilessly with a fishhook.

The creature is a square hedgehog. It's yellow, and makes a terrible pet, because not only does it like to get your horses sick, but it's not remotely housebroken and enjoys urinating basically everywhere.

Sponsors:

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The Day of the Wolf. The Doom of the Gods. The end of all things. It has many names, but one word encapsulates it all: Ragnarok. It's what Odin has been dreading and fighting. It's what Loki has been planning. It's the dark end of days where the worlds will drop into eternal night, giants will battle gods, and all will burn.

Werewolves are people that turn into wolves. Or they don't. Maybe they just wear a fancy wolf belt. Or maybe part of a wolf skin. Or maybe they just like to think they're a wolf. Or maybe they're just people that like killing. Werewolf stories are simple ones, but there's no simple answer as to why this thing happens. And it did. A lot. All throughout history there are stories of Werewolves, stretching back as far as Ancient Greece. As it turns out, humans being monstrous is as old as humanity itself.

The creature this time is the reason why you'll want to avoid the river if you see a ghostly woman crying out for her children. But if you're not already doing that, a podcast description won't save you.

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Clever Hans is clever. He knows the best way to store needles and knives and how to carry a goat in your pockets on long walks through the country. He's even getting married to Gretel, and we'll see how taking advice on wooing your fiancee from your mom can end up in way too much mutilation.

The second story is also about Hans! A different one. It's about cat chefs and following voices down into the dark places under the earth.

The creature is why you'll want to pack a lunch and brush up on some cicada-speak (protip: it's just buzzing) the next time you plan on stealing from the guardians of the forest.

Sponsors:

Check out the very awesome Lore, now streaming on Amazon Video

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The conclusion to the dwarf with the long beard, a story about a dwarf. And a long beard. And entering the ear canals of magic horses for fun and profit. We'll see the epic struggle between brothers come to an end, as well as a powerful argument in favor of facial hair.

The creature this time is big, warm cat named Big Ears! He has Big Ears! And an army of demonic cats to do his will!

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Sponsors:

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LORE. Lore is going to be a TV series. Really soon. In fact, it comes out THIS FRIDAY! If you love scary stories from folklore well, watch this show. Here is the trailer. Watch it now. Do it.

Today's story comes from Slavic folklore and it was so much fun. It's surprisingly complex and full of magic, love, and a sleazy little kidnapper who just can't catch a break.

Did you know cotton balls were vegetarian friendly snacks? I mean, they're also living things, but they are primarily plants. They taste like old fish and/or honey, but they are low cholesterol so, you know, there's that.

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Sponsor:

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Threes are everywhere in folklore, and today we look at stories where they feature the most prominently: The three bears, the three little pigs, and Cinderella. The tales told and adapted for children children, the three pigs and Cinderella, are extremely bloody and unforgiving, while the one that was originally for adults - the three bears - is about three very chill best bear friends enjoying a fun afternoon before dealing with a deeply psychologically troubled intruder.

The creature this time adds to our list of mythpodcats...and it's further proof that, given half a chance at victory, your cat wouldn't hesitate to kill you.

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Hello Fresh was fantastic. You can try it for yourself and get $30 of your first order by going to http://www.hellofresh.com and using the code LEGENDS30 when you subscribe.