"Before engaging the enemy in battle, be sure to stock up on cookies, men's briefs, scented candles, laundry detergent, and hair spray, all at low, low prices."

Among students of Chinese history, making up Sun-Tzu quotes is considered a form of homage and a sign of great respect to the legendary Chinese general, who is often credited with a variety of military innovations such as the frumple-gun, the exploding ratatouille sandwich, and the terrifying boogiesuit. In addition, his world-famous tome on military strategy, the Shih Chi (Art of War) has been badly mistranslated numerous times by users of cheaply-printed Chinese-English dictionaries, yielding such "bastardized" works as The War on Art,The Chart of Warts, and Portrait of the Artist as a Young War.

Various readers,enthusiastic of attaining oriental education to attain strategic success, have complained of the difficulty in comprehending the tactical meaning of his quotes,since it has been correctly observed that almost all his quotes seem identical,boring and consist of non existent entities like "soldier", "chariot", "general" ,"army", "activity", "inactivity", etc.

Some linguists like Lionel Giles have proudly boasted of unlocking the Sun-Tzu code but have only presented a translated version of The Art Of War witha supplementary of ancient boring Chinese military history.

Contents

"You must listen to the words of Sun-Tzu. If you will not listen to the words of Sun-Tzu, one third of your army will die, one third of your army will desert you and one third of your army will point at you and accuse you of being obsessed with dividing everything by three."

"It is not a victory unless you say `Jumanji´."

"The general who heeds the words of Sun-Tzu shall be victorious. The general who does not heed the words of Sun-Tzu shall be defeated. The general who has never even heard of Sun-Tzu and just wants to blow things up indiscriminately shall be elected President of the United States."

"Know what your enemies are afraid of. They will retreat, and you will destroy them without fighting any lawsuits."

"Know your enemy, know yourself, know your girlfriend's ex-con husband's abusive temperament, know his work schedule, and most importantly know the fastest way to get the hell out of there if he decides to come home early."

"The key to victory lies in killing all the koreans, then all the mexicans, possibly even all of the Japanese".

"To win a war, you must kill all of the enemies pylons, not just his gateways and his forges, not to forget those *$@#%^$ proton cannons".

"The key to victory is to produce and accumulate a large number of medium-sized tanks. Do not waste your resources on other technology; it is useless."

"The key to victory is to ignore all that I have just said, and to build as many anti-tank guns as possible. They are cheap, being only 20 metal, Powerful, having a 6/70 direct attack, and have no techs, meaning you don't have to build inordinate amounts of Labs, and can use the Points generated by your Labs to research Space vehicles and Plague Bombs".

"The high ground is easier to defend, and easier to attack from. The low ground, on the other hand, is often wet and full of mosquitoes. The underground is often too full of goth kids and emo bands to be worth attacking or defending."

"There's no 'tra' in 'Strategy'."

"All warfare is based on deception. Hey, what's that behind you?"

"Enemies are bad, we are good - therefore nobody will mind if we do horrible things to them."

"When your enemy has the high ground, it's over, so never wage war on Nepal."

"Choose rock every time. It is unbeatable. Except for paper."

"War will be far easier in the future, when lasers, spaceships and starlight scopes are invented."

"A full-house beats a flush. A sword beats a full-house."

"In the practical art of war, you must be prepared to fight at any time in the future. In the impractical art of war, you should have been prepared quite some time ago.."