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Problem Getting Off...

So I've hooked up with like 4 guys (not slutting around, I'm just exploring right now) in the past week and a half, none of the guys have gotten me to cum, but they've all been able to themselves/with my help. I have no problem getting and maintaining an erection, it's just cumming I can't do. The head of my dick also seems prone to sensory overload (which sucks), where the pleasure feels really good but at the same time it's something I'm enduring more so than enjoying.

Normally if I'm jerking off by myself I can cum in 10-15 minutes. One of the guys I've been with twice now; we've been in bed for a good three or four hours each time (by choice, we also enjoy each others company). He takes a break every now and then to stop himself from cumming, while I probably can't even get half way. He's completely fine with it though.

On a side note, I had trouble maintaining an erection when I tried to penetrate him, as soon as I started, my dick went limp-ish within a few seconds. That probably has something to do with me not too keen on losing my virginity to someone I'm not dating, but whatever.

So yeah, we've tried a lot of things to get me to cum, but it just isn't happening. None of the guys have gotten me close to cumming, at first I thought it was just nervousness but I'm doubtful of that.

Re: Problem Getting Off...

While it seems all physical sex can be mostly mental. Once thought gets in my way I'm a goner. Some of us must be more prone to thought ruining a good thing. The easiest and most common piece of advice is to stop masturbating to orgasm between dates. A long lasting hardon can be quite the good thing. Also, life is not porn. Remember that scenes are edited. You and I can't be the one two people that have starts and stops when we are topping. Just have fun with it. Having that "initial" penetration over and over again can be quite the rush. Relax and have fun especially with your playful sex partner. You are having private fun. There's no grade being given and you decide what to do and how long to do it. Keep playing safe and keep trying new things with the guy who's willing to spend the time.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

Re: Problem Getting Off...

In my own experience I find the more I like someone on a personal level the eaier it is for them to get me off. It's all about comfort and trust. Random hookups have worked, but more often than not I end up finishing myself off and just have to deal with the fact that the guy couldn't get me there.

In complete contrast I had a "buddy" I was practically dating and I had to make him slow down often or things would have been over not long after they started. Repeat partners also help them figure out what you like, and don't be afraid to be vocal, demonstrate if you need to. If your head is almost too sensitive tell them to avoid it as much as possible. No one should be offended by you telling them how to push your buttons, so to speak.

Re: Problem Getting Off...

What gets you off when you are masturbating? Are you more visually turned on by images (pics and movies) or with your imagination? Any minor kink, or turn-ons that you do to arouse yourself when you masturbate that you could work into your encounters, that wouldn't scare off the guy you are with if you mentioned that you like it? If something specific get your motor running/stimulates your brain...then work with that.

To me it sounds like nerves, even though you say you doubt it. It was that comment about losing your virginity to someone that you are not dating, and that you list bisexual as your orientation. Do you think that sex with a man is dirty or wrong...subconsciously? You've spent years masturbating secretly and in the privacy of your room fantasizing about being with a guy, but now you can't cum in front of a guy because it's instilled in you that it is dirty/wrong? Or is it just that you are so used to pleasuring yourself alone that another [person] being there makes you self conscious and anxious about performing idyllically...you psych yourself out. idk.

Anyway, I agree with Seasoned that perhaps you avoid masturbating a few days prior to an encounter. Avoid too much alcohol too...some relaxes you, too much inhibits performance. Talk with the guy about what you like and don't like, even perhaps talk about any inhibitions you may have...may take the pressure off. Mostly, relax, get a little kinky and have some fun.

Re: Problem Getting Off...

Originally Posted by jaysizzles

What gets you off when you are masturbating? Are you more visually turned on by images (pics and movies) or with your imagination? Any minor kink, or turn-ons that you do to arouse yourself when you masturbate that you could work into your encounters, that wouldn't scare off the guy you are with if you mentioned that you like it? If something specific get your motor running/stimulates your brain...then work with that.

I really don't have any kinks that I know about. For me it's just the typical penetration fantasy that helps me climax. My imagination is what I get off on, sometimes I get off on porn but it's really my imagination that does it.

Originally Posted by jaysizzles

To me it sounds like nerves, even though you say you doubt it. It was that comment about losing your virginity to someone that you are not dating, and that you list bisexual as your orientation. Do you think that sex with a man is dirty or wrong...subconsciously? You've spent years masturbating secretly and in the privacy of your room fantasizing about being with a guy, but now you can't cum in front of a guy because it's instilled in you that it is dirty/wrong? Or is it just that you are so used to pleasuring yourself alone that another [person] being there makes you self conscious and anxious about performing idyllically...you psych yourself out. idk.

I've never actually thought being with a man was wrong/bad/etc (for years I always wanted to be straight, but I never thought being gay/bi was wrong, it's just not what I wanted). I can see myself having a better relationship with a man than I can with any woman.

Originally Posted by jaysizzles

Anyway, I agree with Seasoned that perhaps you avoid masturbating a few days prior to an encounter. Avoid too much alcohol too...some relaxes you, too much inhibits performance. Talk with the guy about what you like and don't like, even perhaps talk about any inhibitions you may have...may take the pressure off. Mostly, relax, get a little kinky and have some fun.

Then masturbate I shall not! Do you know of any kinky things I could bring up with him?

Re: Problem Getting Off...

My vote's with everyone else's ...

I think it's mostly psychological. You're not comfortable enough with them to let go, and let them be in control of your body and make you cum. I think it's probably also conditioning. Your dick's only used to how you jerk off, and those sensations. You have to retrain it to other ways besides your hand.

Re: Problem Getting Off...

I hooked up with a guy twice a couple of weeks ago, and both times failed to achieve orgasm, but had an erection. The guy was around my age and good looking. He was able to cum, but I tried and nothing. It was embarrassing and I felt bad cause I didn't want the guy to think he was putting me off, nor did I want to put him off. I don't know what happened. I hadn't masturbated for at a week before the second time we hooked up. I thought it might be nerves, too. Or stress. But I wouldn't worry about it unless it becomes a problem. Only suggestion I have is if it continues consult a urologist. Best of luck.

Re: Problem Getting Off...

Couldn't cum again, despite penetrating him multiple times and vice-versa. I'll probably get some heat for this, but neither of us could penetrate each other with condoms, they were just killing our erections, so we barebacked. And still no cumming on my end. I should mention that the unprotected penetration only lasted a total of like 40 seconds, so I'm hopeful nothing bad happened. We're both clean anyway.

Re: Problem Getting Off...

This is a no flame area but you are just asking for it now. You are both clean because you went for HIV test and gave each other proof of the results or you just told each other "I'm clean"? Doesn't matter how long it lasted. What rock are you living under? Uugggh let me just log out of this forum.

Re: Problem Getting Off...

No condom....dangerous.

You've had quite a few attempts now at having sex with a guy and have had no luck getting off. Are you sure you are attracted to men? Are you physically attracted to the guy(s) you are hooking up with? Are you comfortable with your body? Since you can cum by jacking off using your imagination...you know it's not a physical problem, if it were, I'd say see a doctor, get Viagra. So, whatever you imagine while jacking, can that and the technique you use to stimulate yourself be incorporated into your sessions? You asked above what my kinks are...well, what stimulates my libido may not work for you...go with what turns you on, or at least go with what turns the other guy on. You may find that if he gets super charged, that that will turn you on more. 2 guys not into it, well...doesn't sound like much fun to me.

I really don't know what more to suggest because it really just seems that you are not mentally into it...or it's a case of performance anxiety.

Re: Problem Getting Off...

Originally Posted by AngolaZee

This is a no flame area but you are just asking for it now. You are both clean because you went for HIV test and gave each other proof of the results or you just told each other "I'm clean"? Doesn't matter how long it lasted. What rock are you living under? Uugggh let me just log out of this forum.

I know it was stupid of us, I've made a lot of mistakes recently, it doesn't really get into my top 10. :P

Originally Posted by jaysizzles

No condom....dangerous.

You've had quite a few attempts now at having sex with a guy and have had no luck getting off. Are you sure you are attracted to men? Are you physically attracted to the guy(s) you are hooking up with? Are you comfortable with your body? Since you can cum by jacking off using your imagination...you know it's not a physical problem, if it were, I'd say see a doctor, get Viagra. So, whatever you imagine while jacking, can that and the technique you use to stimulate yourself be incorporated into your sessions? You asked above what my kinks are...well, what stimulates my libido may not work for you...go with what turns you on, or at least go with what turns the other guy on. You may find that if he gets super charged, that that will turn you on more. 2 guys not into it, well...doesn't sound like much fun to me.

I really don't know what more to suggest because it really just seems that you are not mentally into it...or it's a case of performance anxiety.

I think I will see a doctor. I don't think it's performance anxiety because I'm completely fine doing whatever with him, he's a nice guy and I don't feel weird about it.