Whew, I'm getting a little worked up here. I better get some exercise. I am Tom Goddamned Cruise, damn it! Why don't people understand that and just do what I say? Why won't John Travolta take my calls? Where's the butler? I need help climbing out of bed. I know I told him to leave the step ladder next to the bed.

OK, he's fired. I think I'll see if David Hasselhoff is looking for work. Yeah, I'll do that tomorrow. Well, since I left the phone on the dresser, I guess I am stuck here until Juan Carlos comes home from his late night jazzercise class.