Stories

OG Chicken Throwing

Chicken throwing is a sport for many legends, but in this particular scenario, Mr. Henry Hax has the chance to become more legendary than anyone to ever play the sport. He is 8’1 and has dark brown hair. His eyes are blue from his first momma, but his height is from his second mom. His second mom was named Weena, but she went by Middle Eastern Mother. His first mom ran away, so nobody talks about her.

There was also a man named Jim. Jim was 1’3, he is a midget. One day the savage himself Mr. Henry Hax was cruising down the street

in his lawnmower until suddenly a gang of lawn mower enthusiasts stop him at a bridge and said,

“Gimmeall yo Gasoline or you gonna pay da price!” said Jim as he pulls out his water gun. Henry did not want to get soaked, so he made an offer.

“I bet you can’t chicken throw better than me,” Daddy said in a challenging voice.

“Is that a challenge? If I win, I get to take all of your lawn mowers, and you’ll get soaked by my water gun.” Jim said. So off they went to M.T Everest, California.

“Be there by February 32nd!” Jim Exclaimed.

They were off to Dicks sporting goods, to buy all of their climbing supplies. Then the manager told them they weren’t going to sell them anymore. So what they did was Look on eBay and picked all of their stuff up at about midnight. Then, they bought the plane tickets and were off to California.

“I can’t wait to get that lawnmower fuel!” Jim muttered under his breath. Daddy heard him and confronted him.

“You will not take my lawnmower fuel, I will be cruising down the street in no time, and you can’t do anything about it!” Exclaimed Henry.

They arrived at California 10 hours later. Then they went to the local chicken farm and picked their chickens. Jim picked his chicken, it was a huge chicken. The chicken was in poor health, so he was perfect because he was going to be thrown. The chicken weighed in at 48 pounds. And it was 3 feet tall.

“I’ll take this one” Jim exclaimed.

Henry was having trouble picking his chicken, but one in specific caught his eye. He saw a chicken that was smaller, at only 1 foot tall but it was a whopping 72.5 pounds.

He was convinced, “This is my chicken!” he said.

They had their chickens and they were off! Riding their lawnmowers up the humongous mountain, talking trash the whole way up, they arrived. After the referee flipped a coin, Henry was elected to go first.

He took a deep breath, muttered some interesting words and chucked his chicken, Sharkeisha off of the mountain. They watched as the chicken fell for 10 minutes straight, and then they heard a sudden, Bang! Sharkeisha had only gone 97.929 feet out. Although it was a good throw, Jim had confidence. He gave Henry a death stare, took a crow hop and chucked Lamar, his ginormous chicken. Although his chicken fell for a record 30 minutes, the wind was blowing towards them and only went 97.927 feet. Henry was declared the winner and had a lifetime of fuel and bragging rights. Since that day, he has never seen or even heard from the biker gang again.