How to be assertive at work

It’s a mistake to think that avoiding confrontations will help you get ahead in your professional life. Here’s why you need to advocate for yourself and take a stand.

Job dissatisfaction is at an all-time high and, as per recent reports, this dissatisfaction is largely rooted in interpersonal issues at the workplace. In a 2017 study by employment portal TimesJobs, 60 per cent of the 700 working professionals surveyed claimed to hate their jobs; and, more than half of these professionals listed ‘people issues’ as the primary reason why they dreaded going to work each morning. Corporate trainer Greeshma Thampi isn’t surprised. “Communication is the most important tool to ensure a harmonious and productive working environment. Unfortunately, it is also among the toughest tool to master,” she explains. “A large majority of people mistakenly believe that the key to getting ahead in their careers is to avoid confl icts and confrontations. The downside of such a passive approach is that your achievements may often be overlooked and others (including your boss and colleagues) may begin to take you for granted. Frustrations will begin to mount as you may feel disenfranchised and powerless.” On the other hand, being aggressive invariably damages your reputation in the long-term.

The key is therefore to strike the right balance, i.e, to learn how to communicate assertively, experts say. It involves unapologetically sharing your perspective and opinions, while being respectful of others, and appreciating your own limits as well as those of others.

Stand out from the crowd

Emphasising that assertive communication is essential if one is to get due recognition in a competitive world, motivational speaker and success coach Harrish Sairaman says, “Being self-assured helps to build great relationships at the workplace, as it lets you define boundaries and gives you an avenue to express yourself freely and confidently, thereby boosting your visibility and credibility within the organisation. Being a confident communicator is especially important if you are an achiever in other spheres of your work — this is what will set you apart from your peers, and enable you to press ahead with innovative ideas and suggestions, represent yourself capably to the leadership, and make a larger impact in your area of work.”

Thampi adds, “If you have a lot to contribute but are not able to put your points across effectively, your capabilities will consistently be undermined.” A large part of assertive communication involves non-verbal elements, she shares. She’s referring to the research of Albert Mehrabian, a pioneering body language researcher, who found that the total impact of a message is about 7 per cent verbal (words only), 38 per cent vocal (including tone of voice, inflection, and other sounds) and 55 per cent non-verbal (including body language). To communicate assertively, experts recommend the followiing:

• Do your homework

As an experienced software tester, Irfan Siddique knew that his team would do well to adopt a more comprehensive testing approach than the process they were following at the time. “I brought up my suggestions during our team meetings with my manager. They acknowledged that my ideas held merit, possibly since I had prepared detailed presentations to support my points. However, they kept procrastinating, since a new process would also mean additional work for the team. I then took the initiative of creating new scripts that could be used by the entire team.” As it happened, the team’s US-based partner also suggested the same changes, and Siddique’s manager was happy to find his team well prepared for these. “My efforts and persistence earned me a promotion and several accolades.

Assertive communication is purposeful but you must have a clear idea of the outcomes you expect from your conversation even before you begin. At the same time, you must be armed with the relevant data and research to support your demands or claims, especially in a professional context, says Sairaman.

• Mind your language

Use short sentences and don’t ramble, Thampi says. She explains: “Short sentences create a sense of urgency and will make the listener sit up and take notice. Longer, more elaborate sentences tend to be taken less seriously by the listener. For example, ‘We should start working on the project soon’ has much more impact than, ‘The client has asked us to deliver by next week, and we only have a few days. We should plan accordingly and make sure we start early.’” Thampi also cautions against using fillers — meaningless words, phrases or sounds that mark a pause or hesitation (like erm, uh, ah, like, okay, right and you know) — while speaking. If necessary, practice your speech in advance, she says. She offers another tip: “Begin statements with ‘I’ instead of ‘you’. Confronting your coworker with a statement like ‘You never complete your tasks on time’ will only make him or her defensive. An ‘I’ statement, such as, ‘I am concerned about how the client will react to our delays. What can we do to address this?’ displaces the blame. This way, you are less likely to offend the person you are communicating with and (s)he will be more receptive.”

• It’s a process

Lakshmi Murthy, chief people officer at ITM Group of Institutions, emphasises the importance of taking it one step at a time. “Assertive communication is a process that you must build up to. You must spend time fostering positive relationships within the workplace, whether with your peers or your seniors, in order to develop an environment that allows you to express assertively,” she says. It’s important that your colleagues understand your worth before you start issuing instructions.

Banking professional Bindiya Talreja Nadar was concerned that she would miss out on the promotion she had been working towards, since her appraisal would coincide with her maternity leave. “I decided to discuss my expectations with my manager. I had done very well on all past assessments, and this worked in my favour during our discussions. I also extended the necessary support by training a subordinate to fill my shoes. Thus, I was able to address my manager’s concerns and reassure him that I was indeed worthy of the promotion I was asking for.”

• Say ‘No’ tactfully

Most professional environments expect you to work in collaborative set-ups where it’s important to be receptive to the views of others, says Murthy. “This is where it gets tricky because it’s vital to get your point across, yet also make sure you aren’t invalidating the inputs of others or discouraging them.”

Software professional Priti Kairamkonda works hard to promote a spirit of collaboration within her team, but she has learned to put her foot down firmly when required too. When a team member’s input is impractical, given the time constraints of a project, the 25-year-old makes it a point to let the person know that his or her suggestions will be tested and incorporated in future projects. “This encourages them to keep sharing ideas, without feeling disappointed,” says Kairamkonda.

Software professional Priti Kairamkonda is diplomatically assertive

• Be wary of your body language

Maintain eye contact, but avoid staring into the eyes of the other person while engaging in a debate. Avoid raising your voice, and don’t place your hands on your hips or on the table — these poses are perceived as aggressive and intimidating. Thampi recommends keeping your gaze on a spot between the person’s forehead and nose.

And, when the other person is speaking to you, tilt your head to the side to indicate receptiveness. You can also lean slightly forward as this fosters a better connection. “Keep your hands visible. Using hand gestures makes you come across as more trustworthy. Also, maintain a pleasant facial expression,” Thampi adds.

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