Monday, January 22, 2007

The title is sure to attract attention. What if it went on to say that she was 31, never married, attractive and well educated? Sound even better? How about including the fact that she loves God and is looking for a serious relationship that could lead to marriage?

I can imagine that the ad would attract men mostly from the same age group who also had a love for Christ and were looking for something serious.

Okay, so what would happen if I added this: Mother of a 10 year old and a 6 month old, both of whom have different fathers.

Does it make a difference? Let's be honest, of course it does. But should it?

I have a friend who accepted Jesus last year when she was six months pregnant. As a result, her life changed. She stopped living with the father of the baby who had no intention of ever marrying her. She started coming to church, quit the bar scene and cleaned up her life. No one could pick her out of a congregation and know that she led an unsaved life up until last year. Well, except for the fact that she has two children sitting next to her. But where does that leave her? She comes to a small church with an almost non-existent supply of single Christian men. Where can she go to meet single Christian men? They certainly don't hang out at bars and it's really hard to get to know someone in the two minutes you see them before and after service.

My second question is: Will a single Christian man care about the children? Let's be honest, if not for the grace of God a lot of women could find themselves in her boat. She's a wonderful woman who would make a great wife but wonders if that'll happen. Does God intend for her to be alone? I don't think so.

Jesus forgives. Jesus loves. Jesus lifts us up. Jesus gives us a new life. Where do kids fit into this?

Any suggestions or honest thoughts would be appreciated. Here is the sum-up question: Is there hope for women who turn over a new leaf and want to make a fresh start under God... but not end up alone?

3 comments:

Good questions. I have to believe there's hope for a happy ending Faith Girl. There are so many lonely people of both sexes and in Christian circles too.

I often think that there's a role for the old fashioned matchmaker--but then I know that there's a Divine Matchmaker who has a wonderful plan for every life.

I think your friend should not be in a rush to find a man, but get to know God more intimately and develop in her faith. When she least expects it and isn't looking she may find love, meanwhile it's pretty quick, having not so long ago left her previous partner to jump into a new relationship. Children do make a difference and they have to be her main priority--that's part of growing up.

Everything comes to those who wait JC if I had come across this post five years ago I may have been on the next plane out there myself. I have led a bit of a wild life to be honest good fellow, and although I have been in and out of one or two rather hair raising relationships, only at the age of 36yrs old did I finally marry and settle down happily and have a wonderfull stepdaughter even though no kids of my own.

Certainly for some serious evangelical single men the notion of caring for extra children as part of the "package" might be a set back; but for some others it would not be. I am in my mid 40's; and the father of a young adult son (I was, in fact, a single parent myself after my spouse left). The advantages, so to speak, from someone in my position to a second marriage to a woman who has children already is that her need/desire for children is satisfied, so to speak; I don't have to start from 'scratch'. The trials of being a step dad would be just another thing to experience in my journey of learning and faith.

The difficulty initially would be the same as that for marrying a woman without a child -- actually forging a relationship. If you haven't noticed, the evangelical church is still divided and ambiquous in its thinking about things like "dating"; let alone slightly-older men dating younger women.

I must also pointedly disagree with the idea that "JC" is going to make things work out on the romance front for all the ladies who want a husband. Sure, Grace is there for everyone to get through.. But until the church actually welcomes men as men you probably won't see the gender disparity improve.