I’ve seen a light in the sky that was not a star, a plane, the
moon, the sun, or a planet. It was a
spotlight shone down for a few seconds, then gone. A heavenly light switch flipped on, then
off.

I’ve seen black smoke fill a house.

I’ve seen a face soften with one word, one tear, one small
action.

I’ve seen a living thing die. Our dog the day we decided to put her down
instead of live the rest of her days with no treatment for her illness.

I’ve seen wounds heal over time, physical and emotional.

I’ve seen a crime happen.
A man who, while perusing the music selections in the store that I
helped manage, slipped a Samantha Foxx CD out of its case and into the front of
his pants so quickly that I almost doubted my own eyes. He got away with Ms. Foxx.

I’ve seen a man gasp for breath on his next-to-last day on
earth.

I’ve seen joy. The face of my daughter on her birthday. The smile of my son as I give him the go ahead to meet his friends.

I’ve seen injury.

I’ve seen violence. A
man punch another man in anger; siblings pull hair and pinch each other to
tears.

I’ve seen love.

I’ve seen fear.

I’ve seen all of these things and more. They are not destinations. They are not goals. They are things that happened, things that I
just happened to catch while living this life.

Friday, September 27, 2013

My sister-in-law was at the store, wrangling her toddler’s
stroller into the back of her van. In an
instant her five-year-old ran off through the parking lot, the apex of
misbehavior that any parent worth her stripes has tattooed on her brain, and
who has consistently warned her child against since he was old enough to put
one foot in front of the other.

As she struggled with the small vehicle that she was
muscling into her larger vehicle, along with her toddler, one eye blinking
against her son’s brazen misconduct, an older lady yelled out her car window,
“Learn how to parent your child!”

My sister-in-law stared in shock at the woman, who went on
to harp, “Don’t look so insulted. Your kid was going to run in front of the
car!”

Completely taken aback, my
sister-in-law shuffled her kids into the car, frazzled and probably a little
embarrassed that a stranger not only witnessed this whole unfortunate incident,
but felt the need to give her a little drive-by parenting lesson on top of it.

When my daughter was a
newborn she screamed for two hours every evening for six weeks. She was a clock with a horrible, nerve-rattling
alarm. My husband would come home from
work to a wailing baby and a wife nearly out of her mind. I don’t even remember what our two-year-old
did during these times. He was probably
parked in front of the television - I was consumed with soothing this baby.

The only thing that got her
to stop screaming was a ridiculous routine that involved me moving furniture,
holding her tightly against my chest, and dancing wildly around our living room
to the Chicago soundtrack turned up as loud as I could stand. It was a one-woman, one-baby Broadway dance
show up in here. No other music would calm
her cries.

I can assure you that no
baby book at the time advised new parents to sing the Cell Block Tango at 120
decibels to their infant as a treatment for colic. But it worked for us, and I will never forget
those memories, no matter how much I dreamed about running away just to get
some peace at that time.

Parenting is hard. We read books, go online for advice and tips,
and try everything that we can think of to get things right. But sometimes we just have to get to a place
where things aren’t right but are merely manageable. And sometimes we fail anyway. We sit around kitchen tables with our
girlfriends and lament: this child is having trouble with math, that child
won’t eat vegetables, this one has a mouth like a truck driver, that one has
this friend I don’t trust. Our friends
nod and commiserate. We’re going through
that, too.

Then someone says, “Have
you tried this? How about that? This worked for us. You should try it, too.” Your eyes glaze over at the barrage of advice
that suggests flaws in your master skill set.
You can’t believe that she would think that you haven’t tried each and
every thing imaginable to handle this issue.
You feel like she thinks you are less than. You look at your friend as if she’s judging,
as if she thinks she’s a better parent than you. She crossed the line.

It’s not always your friend
that gives unwarranted advice about parenting.
You do it, too. Okay, maybe you
don’t. But I have. I do.
The result is the same; unless the other person asks for specific advice,
she feels judged by your suggestions, not helped.

My sister-in-law felt
judged by that woman who yelled after her in the parking lot. Did she think that my nephew had never been told
to run in the parking lot? Is having a
child who never ran in a parking lot the culmination of parenting success?

The world is so
competitive. We are all programmed to
compare, to judge, to tromp on the foreheads of other people, even people we
may know, just to get to the head of the line. And we are expected to fix. Don’t sit in your mess. Clean it up.
Make it better. It’s so easy to
tell others what to do. It’s hard to help,
even when asked. It’s harder still to sit
by and watch people do things their way instead of ours.

The trouble is – life is
messy. Some things can’t be fixed; we
can just commiserate. We can’t jump to
conclusions that a parent hasn’t exhausted all options to parent better. We can’t learn how to do everything
right. Sometimes a kid is going to run through
a parking lot no matter how many times we have told them not to. And we all need to be more understanding
about that.

*******

My family at a recent wedding.

The dynamic in our family is clearif you study the picture for a second or two.

I love this photo because it reminds me thatI have a lot to learn. I am not a perfect parent.I don't have perfect kids.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

During fall, the cooler weather forces the sunny easiness of
summer to man up and take note of reality.
Things are going to get serious before they get hard, says fall. I don’t care if you’ve been free to grow and
blossom all summer, says fall to the trees; I am going to strip away your
beauty and show everyone what you’re really made of. It’s a little bit bossy, fall. I usually step in line and dutifully create a
routine that will work until June; work and school and extracurricular
activities for kids and adults, productive weekends that leave no stone
unturned, no project ignored.

Despite the authoritativeness in the air, I acknowledged the
change of season with a rebellious attitude – I woke up late, at 8am. These days, 8am is late because I am forty
and waking up then tops the list of the most dangerous things that I do, just
below wearing skinny jeans with heels to the grocery store. I thumbed my nose at fall. I was Joan Jett in powder-blue pajama pants.

The wind was blowing, the sky was partly cloudy, and I was mischievously
enjoying the decision that my husband and I had made, that we would not be
spending the day at the amusement park due to a chance of rain. We idly watched the summer end, our amusement
park-planned weekend rescheduled at least twice before because something better came
up. Not that we have anything against
amusement parks. It’s just that we can
think of a thousand other things we’d rather do than be at one.

So on this first day of fall, all previous scheduling was thrown
out the window, and the day stretched before me as I realized I had a blog
reader full of blogs to read, a pot of coffee, and little to do other than clean
bathrooms, which could wait until I was good and ready. It felt villainously indulgent. Screw you, fall. Summer may be over, but I am not going to surrender
to your arbitrary statutes of order and routine. Not today.

The morning flew by and at eleven o’clock I was still in my
pajamas. My husband was long gone, running
unrelated errands like dropping off dry-cleaning and buying toothpaste. He had fallen victim to fall’s demands,
scurrying around like a squirrel stashing acorns in random spots on our lawn,
only to be forgotten until new oak trees sprout in the spring. The kids were hiding in the basement, aware
that their own lackadaisical Saturday was in jeopardy if they made a peep or
moved a muscle. They shared my defiance
towards fall. Plus, they knew were
expected to help with the bathrooms.

I didn’t mind; they were together, they were quiet, and they
were getting along. No button-pushing, no whining, no calling each other out
for infractions like breathing too loud or accidentally punching each other in
the stomach. I know when to leave well
enough alone. Harmonious children best
clean bathrooms any day.

So there I sat, blazing through blogs like wildfire. Eleven-thirty. Eleven forty-five. At once, the garage door activated; my
husband was home. At once I took in my
sleep-ravaged hair, the cup of forgotten coffee at my elbow. What am I doing? I asked myself. It is an unspoken rule that laziness among
the lazy is acceptable; laziness among the industrious is profane. On the first day of fall, the profanity of
inactivity is unforgivable. The guilt-by-laziness
feeling bent my rebellion, compelling me to submit. Fall was forcing its hand.

Like Flash Gordon I raced upstairs, plugged my laptop back into the
power source, and haphazardly threw on some clothes. Any
semblance of hygiene was abandoned. I
ran down the hall, grabbed some rags and cleaner from the closet, and
called out for the kids to come upstairs and get to work, for goodness’
sakes! YOUR DAD’S HOME! Spraying the bathroom cleaner against the
countertop, I left them to fend for themselves.
It was not a proud moment.

But in that moment, all I could think of was that I cared
not to be judged for my transgressions.
The first day of fall had won, once again.

*******

This post was
inspired by:

Mama Kat's Writing Workshop

Prompt #1:
Happy
Fall! The first day of Fall
was September 22nd - share something fall-related
you did!

The last two categories of bloggers I follow are Family & Lifestyle, and Faith. Go ahead: find some new ones!

Category #5: Family & Lifestyle

Do you have a family?
Do you have a lifestyle? Then
this group is for you. Now, look. Some of these bloggers can easily fall into
other categories (some are hilarious, some are heartfelt, some post recipes),
but the overarching theme in all of these blogs is LIFE, whatever that looks
like for them. I like these bloggers
because I can relate, which means that I use the word “relatable” a lot when
describing them. Really, is that so
bad? I don’t think so.

154 Hidden Court. I just found MJ. She is an at-home mom of two boys who writes
about her life with eloquence and pitch-perfect descriptions that I can fully
relate to. She used to work as a
bookseller, which means that she is well-read, a quality that I aspire to have
but just can’t get there. She is funny
and poignant, shares memories and recipes and blog information and more. I just love her.

all.things.fadra. Fadra is a blogger that I’ve been
following for a while. I’ve never met
her, but I feel like I do – she has just that sort of friendly personality that
comes through on her blog. Fadra writes
about her life (with son and husband),
her interests, the products she uses, and the quests she goes on in a way that
is very influential, kind of like that friend you have who seems to have her
finger on the pulse of everything that is new and exciting.

Angie Kinghorn. Angie is a mom, wife, former lawyer, and
writer whose short stories are published in several anthologies, and she also guest
writes on other blogs and I’m wondering if I’m even qualified to be writing a
blurb about her blog, she’s so pro. Her
story-telling style about loss, the Tooth Fairy, and other varied family life
topics are so entertaining and told with a gentle self-awareness that makes you
want to read more. Lucky duck. You don’t have to look far to find her.

Co-Pilot Mom. Kim’s blog focuses on her daily life with
sons Captains Alpha and Bravo, and Co-Pilot Dad. Isn’t that the cutest? She hails from Canada and writes with a
reflective style that also makes me think about similar experiences in my
life. I can usually relate, which means
that what is meaningful to her is also meaningful to me, but she always seems
to uncover an aspect about her subject that I have never thought of
before. Kim makes me think. And that is a good thing.

Deborah Gilboa, MD,Dr. G. Dr. G, a family physician
from Pittsburgh, is a parenting guru who provides every kind of information
possible, in every way possible (writing, video, speaking) about parenting
issues that we all face. She is a
parenting expert, and her speaking engagements, TV appearances, blog, and
videos all revolve around parenting topics that she, a mother of four, deals
with, too. I love her short parenting
tip videos, and the email I get in my inbox every day asks “Kids Not Perfect
Yet?” before tackling the next topic. It
calms my frazzled nerves that Dr. G is just one mouse click away when things
with the kids get real.

Facing 40. Poppy is a girl after my own heart when
it comes to issues with getting older, fitness, being a mom, and generally living
life. As in, all of these things are
realities, so get to it, and do it well, and here are some tips to get yourself
in gear. She’s a great mom (she just
took her tween daughter to a mall concert, reliving her own Tiffany days), funny,
warm, matter-of-fact, full of information, and confident. I don’t know how she does it. No, really.
I don’t.

Founding a Father. Jimmy’s blog is from a dad’s view of
raising girls, and his insights and sensitivity, not to mention deadpan
delivery on topics like letting go of growing kids, conversations with his
wife, and using the wisdom of Patrick Swayze movies in parenting (don’t
ask. Just go.) make me think and laugh
and nod my head in agreement. Jimmy’s
blog is proof that dads really do know what’s going on, despite the overwhelming
evidence at my house that they in fact do not.

Genie in a Blog. Leigh Ann is a mom of adorable twins and
one more little cherub, a wife, and a writer who writes about family life in a
way that is sometimes funny, sometimes poignant, and always real. She just posted a recipe for muffins that
reads like you were right in her kitchen chatting and standing idly about sipping
wine that you found in her fridge while she bakes. Because that’s how Leigh Ann is. She is friendly, easy, and totally wouldn’t mind
if you came over and drank her wine. At
least, I think she wouldn’t.

Gfunkified. Greta chronicles her family life in this
upbeat blog that shines with positivity and oh-so-cute pictures of her four sweet
kids. She does photo and writing
link-ups that showcase other talented bloggers and writes about her involvement
in worthy causes like the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, and also shares
ideas (and recipes) on living gluten-free.
She focuses on the good, the fun, and the optimistic in her daily life and
I need a good dose of that on a regular basis.

Jennifer P. Williams. Jennifer is a wife and mom of two from
Texas who shares her life stories with a lively humor and a lot of love and
heart. She is truthful and straightforward – just the sort of person who you
feel comfortable talking to and asking for advice, because she is confident in
her abilities and just knows about
things, you know? She posts recipes, DIY
tutorials, and is even starting a feature on her blog where she actually gives
advice to people. I can’t wait to see
what she says. It’ll be great, I just
know it.

Just One Chick. Jennifer lives in Brooklyn and works in
New York City and makes me smile with her pictures of city life and
observations about life in general. Her
posts are usually short and once in a while she’ll throw a really personal and
heartfelt one in there and we get to know her just a little bit more. Sometimes
she talks about NYC real estate which I find fascinating. I have no idea how I
found her. But I’m glad I did.

Lollygag Blog. Keely is so sweet and funny, I could
follow her around and listen to her spin tales on a daily basis. Good thing she’s a blogger, because that’s
what I do. Whether tripping over her
words in a conversation with a Spanish gentleman in the grocery store, or
showing us how she transformed her daughters’ closet into organizational
heaven, Keely brings the funny to everyday experiences with her man and her two
girls, and makes me smile every time. And
her pictures! Just follow her.

Mommy Miracles. Laura is that friend who knows about just
about everything. She teaches you how to
survive daycare, shares how she organized her home office, the birth-control
benefits of moving. And she does it in
such a friendly and confident way that I will take her advice about all of
it. She also shares life with her three
boys (two sons and husband) with such a relatable style that you just know that
you could tell her anything and she’d respond with “girl, I KNOW.” Okay, maybe she wouldn’t say “girl.” But you get the picture.

Mommy of a Monster and Twins. Natalie’s life with her
small children has to be busy. I don’t
know she finds time to blog. But she
does, and she shares family outings, quick dinner recipes, gardening, and
everyday stories in an easy style, you imagine she must wave her hands in the
air and things get done. But of course
she doesn’t. She shares her own
struggles with depression, too, so you know she’s a real person with a real
life. She’s just a great person, and I’m
so happy I know her.

My Time as Mom. Jessica is a mom of two beautiful
girls. She homeschools. She is a proponent of green living. She shares delicious recipes. She shares parenting ideas. She’s a pole fitness enthusiast. She takes amazing photos. She loves cocktails - you might remember her
from One Martini at a Time, which is her other blog that I introduced you to. Yes, I follow two of her blogs. If she had three or five or fifteen I would
follow them, too. If it’s not obvious
that she is awesome just from this quick-and-dirty description, then please
check out her blog(s) and see for yourself.
Because she is.

Sellabit Mum. Tracy is a mom of three darling daughters
who lives the city life in Minnesota.
She is a runner, shopper, and all-around great mom (She took her kids to
see Taylor Swift. What?) who humorously shares
her family and life with us in a light, breezy way that makes you admire her
for being so easy-going but of course she works very hard to make the magic
happen. I love her storytelling style
that feels like she’s sitting in the room with you, probably right at your
kitchen table with a steaming mug of coffee.

Sluiter Nation. Katie is a mom and English teacher who
wears her heart on her blog and openly and honestly talks about everything –
the love for her 3 boys (husband and two adorable sons), teaching, writing,
depression, anxiety, loss, vacations.
And that’s just the short list.
She shares pictures that will make you smile, letters to her sons that
will make you cry, and general musings on the joys in life that will make you
want to know her more.

Sunday Spill. Sarah says right on her blog that she is
here to bring us joy. And she does that
through her lightness, smiling children, and upbeat outlook, not mention
gorgeous pictures of those incredibly adorable kids. She conveys her life in a heartfelt style
that makes you feel that all is right in the world, that even during life’s
down moments, there is hope for sunny days ahead. Who can’t use that kind of optimism?

That’s Vandy. Brittany writes about her many interests
on this wonderful blog, whether it’s making sorbet, planning a party, traveling
to interesting locales (and sharing her packing secrets!), even blogging
tips. She shares her thoughts on
everything from breastfeeding to bullying, and tells stories about her
family. If you’re looking for
information on a topic, she’s probably written about it, and has done so in a
playful manner that is informational and encouraging. You might just learn something new, too.

The House of Hendrix. The tagline on Allison’s blog reads
“Where joy, imperfection, and grace abound.”
That alone drew me to her blog, and her thoughts on life are
encouraging, humorous, and empathetic. I
can relate to her immediately on blog posts titled “6 Ways I loosened up to
survive the early years of Motherhood” and “The Not-So-Perfect 1st
day of school.” I love the way she
combats the issues she faces – with hope and determination to make the best out
of every situation that life has to offer.

The Miss-Elaine-ous Life. Elaine is currently on a
blogging break, but don’t let that stop you from reading her blog about the
life she shares with her husband and three cute kids. She is a gifted photographer (Hello? how does
she choose which pictures to frame and hang on her walls?) and writes blog
posts about her days like little stories that you can’t get enough of. Her style is upbeat, funny, and always,
always warm and relatable. She promises
that she will post again. I’ll be
waiting.

World’s Worst Moms. Tammy’s blog is funny and self-deprecating,
as evidenced by the title. I am
convinced that she’s a much better mom than the world’s worst, and the opinions
and topics she covers, while sharing fun stories about her kids and family
life, are interesting and important.
Whether she’s talking about how she feels about personal loss, her kids
growing up, or national news events, you can be sure that you’ll come away
knowing her clear views, and maybe even a different perspective you haven’t
thought about before.

Category #6: Faith.

Do you have faith?
You gotta have faith. Now I’m no
George Michael, but I am a Christian.
Faith is a pretty big deal to me.
I know I don’t mention it a lot here.
I don’t have a good reason why.
One might argue that my faith must not be such a big deal if I don’t lay
it out on my blog regularly. And to that
I say you have a point. My main thing is
that there are a lot of different faiths in the world and I know that mine
isn’t the only one, and I don’t want to prevent anyone from relating to me just
because they don’t agree with my beliefs.
My main purpose here is to share, and I am careful to share things that
I think others can relate to. And plus,
I do have a separate faith blog that you are welcome to visit, anytime.

Jamie the Very WorstMissionary. Jamie is irreverent,
funny, and real. She spent some time
doing mission work in Costa Rica, and is not afraid to spell out just what
being a Christian missionary looks like.
She tackles difficult topics, and is unafraid to voice her beliefs and
admit when she’s wrong. She’s also a
mom, and tells stories from home that make me laugh and relate. She isn’t perfect, but also isn’t afraid to
say so. I admire that, and always come
away from her blog thoroughly entertained and informed about something new.

Jessica Clemmer –Finding My Voice. Jessi’s blog is a
mixture of family and faith, asis
the case in life. She and her husband
pastor a small church, and they share the leadership duties. That, along with raising their four children,
makes her very busy and I don’t know where she squeezes out the time to write the
eloquent, insightful posts that she does.
Her thoughtfulnesss and knowledge of Bible stories and verses teach me
so much, and she blends this knowledge with practical applications that anybody
could adopt. Jessi is one of two
bloggers on my list whom I knew first before the blog, having shared years of
sons playing baseball together. She also
got me addicted to chocolate-covered pomegranates. Isn’t it cute how I just threw her under the
bus there?

thumacha. Corie and Eric are a young couple who
just recently moved with their two babies to Macha, Zambia to live as
missionaries for Push the Rock, a sports ministry. I watched Corie grow up in our church and
have been encouraging, praying for, and supporting her and Eric since they
decided to take their lives to this African country where Eric spent his childhood. I started following their blog as a way to
show support and stay connected to them, but I find myself waiting for new
posts, because I’m so excited to see what’s next in their adventures in Macha. Plus,
Corie is a really good writer, and her honesty about moving so far away from
home, and the witty way she describes getting to know her new normal since they’ve
been there inspires me, and makes me admire her strength and God-given faith. I just love them, and pray for all the best for their family.

*******

You made it! You made
it to the end! And you’re still reading! That means so much to me.

I hope you can click over to (more than a) few blogs I’ve
written about here that intrigue you, and I would love if you find some new
favorites from these lists.

I’m not going to lie.
This was an extremely difficult writing exercise. I referred to each and
every blog here to remind myself exactly how they came to be on my reading list
in the first place. Some, I was
surprised to find, haven’t written a post in weeks or months.

I hope I have given an accurate representation of each
blog’s theme or point. I’m a little
anxious about offending someone by missing the whole point of their blog, or
putting them into a category that they don’t agree with (“What do you mean, ‘Sensitive
Type?’ I’m totally hilarious!”). Some of these bloggers defy categorization
and could easily fit into several themes.
I agonized over it, but in the end I feel like I gave a true perspective
of each one.

Blogs are personal business, and the people who write them
are real people. That should go without
saying, but sometimes we forget that there are real people behind the
words. Being a blogger means that you
open up your life to the masses, and it can be a vulnerable, scary
feeling. Even if you’re just telling
jokes.

But I really appreciate all these bloggers who take their
time and pour their hearts and minds and lives into their computers every
day. Because I have learned so much from
them.

So there you have it.
All the blogs that I follow and read daily. Holy crap I need a life.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Welcome back! You came back!
I am so proud of you. Gold stars
for everyone who returned after reading Wednesday’s monster containing a third
of the blogs I read on a regular basis.
Wednesday I focused on Art & Design and Humor blogs, and after oohing
and aahing and guffawing your way through those, I bet you’re ready for a whole
new set of blogs to follow!

So let’s get to it.
Today’s blog posts are split into two of my favorite subjects: Food and
Heartfelt. And yeah, “Heartfelt” as a
category is awkward. I guess this a good
time to tell you that I’m not a professional blog categorizer. Jeez, chill out, grammar police.

Category #3 – Food.

So I love food. Who
doesn’t? I love new recipes, too, but
more than that I love reading other people’s recipes and how they make food
from those recipes. Sometimes, very
rarely, I will make those recipes in my own kitchen. Honestly, I am more of a recipe reader than a
recipe implementer, which is why I only follow a couple of food blogs. It’s not the food bloggers fault. I’m just not that much of a foodie, no matter
how cute I look in a chef’s hat. But
you’re not here to read about how cute I think I am. The following three blogs hold my attention regularly
because they make me feel like I could be a chef, even if it’s only the hat
that I’m after.

Frugal Foodie Family. Kelly’s website is gorgeous and is all
about eating well on a budget. Her recipes use ingredients that even I can find
at my local warehouse market, and she provides weekly menus for dinners and how
much each dinner costs. I have not made
any of her recipes but have drooled over all the pictures. I have
tried some of the wines she reviews, but I cry over them because she lives in
California which is has better prices on alcoholic beverages than in my home
state of Pennsylvania, which has almost prohibitively expensive prices on
alcohol.

Lila’s Apron. Comfort food, comfort food, comfort
food. If you’re into this even a little,
Lila’s Apron doesn’t disappoint, and she’s funny to boot. The last post I read, a recipe for fried
green tomatoes, also included the many delicious uses for bacon fat. And if that doesn’t get you over there then I
can’t help you anymore.

One Martini at a Time. I guess it’s telling that out
of three food blogs I follow, I highlighted the wine reviews of one and the
other is solely a cocktail site.
Whatever, I’m a mom. Jessica’s
cocktails are OMG AMAZING, most contain only a few ingredients, and they all
look easy to make. If you like
inventive, creative cocktails that make you thirsty for vodka at ten in the
morning, (apple ginger cocktail, anyone?) then go visit Jessica. Plus her photos are among the best I’ve
seen. How does she get them that crisp
and clear?

Whew! That was easy. So let's keep going.

Category #4 – Heartfelt.

I have a tendency to be sensitive and reflective so it
makes sense that I would follow a lot of blogs that are similar. I do try very hard to fill my life with light
and goodness and gentleness and kindness, because dark and downward navel-gazing,
my go-to traits, do nothing for a person’s general mood and/or complexion. The following bloggers showcase their
thoughtful, contemplative, and kind sides, producing consistently good posts
that give me the warm and fuzzies that hold me until the next wave of darkness
clouds my sky. Silver linings, people.

A Lady in France. Oh, what can I say about Jennie? She had me at A Lady in France. I totally began following her blog because of
its name, because I love Ladies and I love France. Like, I say “oh yes, I’ve been overseas,” but
in reality I’ve only ever been to France.
Like nine times. Anyway, Jennie
published her memoir chapter by chapter a little while ago, and I got hooked on
her amazing story and her poetic way of writing that makes even the darkest
situations beautiful. She takes gorgeous
photos, and can make a mundane day seem otherworldly. She has a sweet soul and a level of
sensitivity and kindness that drew me to her immediately. I could go on and on,
but I won’t. I’ll leave that up to
you. Go.

An Inch of Gray. Anna has been recording her life in this
gorgeous blog since 2008. However, it
also bears the heartrending story of the loss of her dear son Jack two years
ago at age 11. Anna’s writing today
holds the pain of this loss, yet she manages to chronicle her daily life,
faith, and inner musings in a clear way that allows her voice to shine. My heart is with Anna when I read her blog,
because I know her story. I am
encouraged by her strength in the face of tragedy, and am influenced by her
simple style of storytelling.

Chicken Noodle Gravy. Katie is a great writer who has an
advanced degree in storytelling. Nope, I
made that up. But she should. Shopping mishaps, reality TV, even doing
laundry warrant a well-told story, and along with the word pictures she paints,
her observations and the meaning behind the telling keep me coming back. She is working on a novel. I can’t wait to read it.

Erin Margolin. Erin’s name has floated around my
internet consciousness for a couple of years, though I have to admit I didn’t
really start following her blog until recently.
She is the co-founder of The Gay Dad Project (see below), has been
published in a book, and is super sweet.
Besides this, Erin is a thoughtful and poetic writer; often her posts
are reflective and emotional. Her blog posts
bring me to a place of contemplation – not a bad place to be.

Farewell Stranger. Robin
is straightforward, talks openly about depression, is a survivor of post-partum
depression, and even was recently featured on her local news program about
it. She writes out her feelings as a way
to own them and to relate to others. She
has succeeded in this with me, and has a quiet introspective style that I love. I could probably sit with her and have a
conversation that would last for at least five pots of coffee.

Good Day, Regular People. Alexandra is a wife and a mom
of three boys, and I’ve been following her for a while now. She draws from her life to share stories on
her blog; some are funny and silly, and others are heavy with memories and
reflection. All of them – all – are
written in such a style that I feel like I’m remembering them myself. Alexandra lost her beloved mother recently,
and she shares her grief, which is so, so moving.

Grown Up, Now What? I love the concept behind Tammy’s blog,
that she is telling her life story day by day and using it to figure out who
she is becoming. Isn’t that just how
life works? Tammy shares with us her adventures
in the job world, eating habit woes, and her past lives as ballroom dancer and
even former wife to define who she is and brings us along for the ride. I love how she ends each blog post asking
readers how we can relate.

Holding the Distaff. Gina reflects on life with her family
made of husband and three little kids, one of whom was just born this
year. I don’t know how she finds time to
blog, but she does – and does it well.
She loves her life with her littles and her man and shares it all with a
grace and gentleness that is far beyond my abilities. Reading her posts is like being warmed by a
good cup of tea with two sugars.

Letters for Lucas. Tonya writes to document her son Lucas’
life, and she describes their days and activities with an easy style that is so
conversational, you almost think she is in the room with you. She shares her parenting joys, anxieties, and
milestones, all infused with the love you just know spills over to her son. And
she and her husband just revealed that they are expecting baby #2, which is so
exciting! Don’t miss the post where they
told Lucas about the new baby.
Seriously. Don’t miss it.

Masala Chica. Kiran is capital H Honest, and oh, how I
appreciate that in a writer. I love how
she can’t think of any other way to live, that she writes openly about her family,
her opinions, her philosophies, her affinity for The Real Housewives. She is real.
And she is smart. And she is
responsible for Simply Om, a fair trade store for jewelry made by brands which
support the jewelry-makers themselves, who live in areas that struggle socially
and economically. The jewelry she sells
is beautiful, and so is Kiran.

One-Sided Momma. This blog reads like a dreamy novel
sometimes, and that is a good thing. I
find myself pondering with OSMA the meaning of life as I gaze at her pictures
and follow the inner workings of her beautiful mind as she contemplates her
soft-ness, the still-raw pain of losing a beloved family member, the joys and
concerns of being a mom to a couple of cuties.
And she’s funny, too, in that corner-of-the-mouth-smile sort of way that
I love.

Scoops of Joy. Maureen
(Mo) is optimistic, loves her son fiercely, and is currently on a blogging
break. But that doesn’t stop me from
sharing her here, because she is a bright spot in the world, her hopefulness
spreading across the computer screen to me even as she struggles with an ex,
her fitness, her past. She searches for
and finds joy in life, a trait that I admire immensely. The best part about her quest for joy is that
she shares it, which makes all the difference.

The Gay Dad Project. Co-founded by Erin Margolin and Amie Shea,
this is a community that connects with and supports families who have had a
parent come out as LGBTQ. In a broader
sense, they talk about families. The website is full of shared stories from
children who have a gay parent, and what that experience is like. I love supportive sites that connect people,
and read and cry with these people as they share their love and what it was
like for them as their parent came out.
The Gay Dad Project currently has a documentary in production.

The Meaning of Me. Lisa writes about her life with Fab Hub
and Kidzilla. They are all foodies, and
Lisa includes some recipes on her blog, which honestly inspire me to get
creative in the kitchen and rue the day that I gave up trying to get my kids to
eat a more varied diet, because her Zilla will eat just about anything. But it’s not just a food blog. In the midst of working, momming, cooking and
picking up her CSA groceries, she shares with us, in her simple and clear way,
her thoughts on just about everything that makes her who she is. Every day is a pleasant surprise.

These Little Waves. I started reading These
Little Waves when I first started blogging, because Galit’s way with words
inspired me to be a better writer. Her
posts are so polished yet easy, and somehow melodic. Galit writes about family, being a mom, her
loves, and so many other topics on several websites and her blog, and for good
reason. Galit’s voice should be
heard. By everyone.

Tread Softly. Angela has one of those writer’s voices
that is instantly calming. I just know
that when I head over to her site, any tension I might carry with me will
dissipate as I read her musings on moving, life with children, running, even
the books she reviews. Her posts hold me
in the moments she is describing, bringing me right there with her, seeing the
beauty that she does even in the middle of everyday life circumstances.

Two Cannoli. I have been readingTwo Cannoli for a while now, and Kristin’s blog is true to her
story as she shares not only her daily life with son and husband, but also
parts of her past that have been painful and shaped who she is today. Her style is that of storyteller, and her
stories grip me as I read and enjoy her positive outlook and her views on the
small moments and big decisions that make up a life. Plus, she is just plain NICE. She is just one of those bloggers that I can’t
say enough how much I love, but when I try, my words are so inadequate. Please find her. You will love her too.

Writing, Wishing. Alison is from Malaysia, a kick-ass
photographer, and a wiz at social media, marketing, and blogging – she owns and
operates Little Love Media, a social media consultancy that supports businesses
(and blogs) looking to expand their social media presence. AND the girl can write. A mom of two little boys, she shares her
daily moments, her views on being a mom, and what she learns along the way. She is also a fierce cheerleader and
encourager, and did I tell you she bakes?
Like amazing things that make me drool?
She’s pretty much the whole package.

So there you have it: the Foodies and the Moodies. Did you know any of these blogs already? Did you find some new ones to follow? Well, what are you waiting for? Click on through and start reading! I hope you will love them as much as I do.

Come back on Monday for Part 3 and the last installment of my
Blog Roll, which includes Family & Lifestyle and Faith. And after that I’m going to take a nap.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post, humblebragging about
how many blog posts I’d read recently. Well, I wasn’t humblebragging so much as
I was sharing my dedication and commitment to reading what my favorite bloggers
have to say, to spread the love and comments and oh, okay. I was bragging outright.

Anyway, that post really struck a chord with a lot of
people, and one person even asked what blogs I read every
day. I was excited about the idea; after
all, it would be an easy blog post – writer’s block is real, people. But I was also a little
unsure if I wanted to do that. Would
other bloggers care if I casually promoted them, unsolicited? Would anyone be offended by being linked to me? A conversation with some blogger
friends advised me that this would be okay among most bloggers, and without the
permission of any other bloggers that I follow and read, I thought I’d give it
a go!

I’m very thorough in my preparation process.

So I read 69 blogs.
It’s a lot. In the previous blog
post I said 75, but as I was compiling the list I realized that
the number was less for various reasons. But 69 is still
a lot of blogs. Currently there are 62 new posts for me to read in my reader
(hey girl). And that’s just from the past two days. So things pile up pretty fast around
here. Anyway, I decided to give you a
break and break the list into three parts.
I can’t believe I managed to get three blog posts out of this. Blogging win!

Okay, so here we go.
I’ve organized them into categories for your ease of reading and because I
like things to be organized into categories.
Each of the three Blog Rolls I post will contain two categories. Today’s
categories are Art & Design and Humor.

Category #1: Art & Design.

In my mind, I have really good taste. In my home, I have lots of Ikea and framed
kid art. That doesn’t stop me from
knowing what’s good.

Artchoo! I started following Jeanette when she did
Craftwhack, which really was a humor blog.
Her hilarious voice and delivery held me while she transitioned to
Artchoo!, which is her art and design blog geared toward kids. She does all sorts of art projects with her
kids and reviews art books and stuff that I find interesting. Plus she’s super friendly and funny and I
want her to live next door so she can do art with my kids so I don’t have to.

Cuckoo 4 Design. Julia is a German transplant, married with
two kids and has an art and design background which comes out in her home. Her blog is new to me, and honestly, the
pictures of her kitchen are what sold me on this blog. Her decorating skills appeal to me on so many
levels, and she refinishes furniture which I admire. And gorgeous photos. I can’t wait to read more and drool over what
else she has up her sleeve.

Live, Laugh & Love.
Lindsay is a cutie-pie and she talks about her life, her clothing, her husband,
and their little home in which I’d like to live. This is less an art and design blog than a
lifestyle blog, but she is arty and design-y and collects mid-century modern
furniture pieces which pretty much makes me jealous about everything.

Simple Dwellings. Amber,
interior decorator responsible for Amber B interiors. Amber focuses on e-designs on her blog, and
she shares client projects and her ideas.
The whole site is eye-candy. I
love that she asks for reader input, as she did when she and her husband
finished their basement and she was looking for a piece of art to hang. I love when designers let us into their
process. It shows us that they are just
like me, but with better-decorated homes.

Simply Modern Home.
Susan is an interior designer who also provides e-design services. Her style is simple and modern, which I love,
and she is a sweet sweet sweetie who has two kids and brings gorgeousness to my computer screen every day in the form of photos and ideas for her own house or her
clients’. She invites us into her ideas, and asks about our opinions. Isn’t
that sweet?

Young House Love. Sherry and John are design blog
superstars. They started Young House
Love to chronicle their house transformation, and along the way became wildly
popular in the home projects world. At
least I think they have. I mean, they wrote a book and everything. And
it’s no wonder. Their DIY skills are
noteworthy – they have a no-fear approach to tackling anything from toilet
replacement to brick fireplace whitewashing – and fill me with awe. Plus their design aesthetic makes me happy.

Still with me?
Good. Let’s keep going!

Category #2: Humor.

My favorite category of all time. Because I think I’d be on this list. Maybe you don’t agree. Please keep these opinions to yourself.

Baby Sideburns. Do you know Karen? Get to know her. She is high-larious. She calls her kids poop machines and gives
online dating advice and routinely gets into trouble on Facebook for posting
weird internet stuff. I mean, really. What’s the purpose of Facebook if you can’t
comment on weird stuff that you find on the internet? Plus she’s featured in at least one book.

Cannibalistic Nerd. Carrie is funny and witty and has the best
replies to comments ever. Plus, she
regularly does re-caps of old Super Friends cartoons. You know, Super Friends from the 80s? Go there.
You won’t regret it.

Crappy Pictures. You might know Amber from Crappy Pictures
because she has a book out now. I don’t
know how she managed to make life via MSPaint so darn funny, but she did
it. Crappy Papa, Crappy Boy, and Crappy
Baby would agree, I think.

Freaky Perfect. I started following Amy right around the
time she published her last post, in July.
She’s been blogging for a while, and instead of reading her old stuff
I’ve been waiting around for new posts like a big dummy. Her writing voice reminds me of a friend who
you want to have around, because she is fun and funny and smart, just like me.
::flips hair::

Ironic Mom. Leanne also has a book out called Don’t Lick the Minivan which is awesome
in title alone. She has this great
guest-blogging series (Whiteboard Wednesday) wherein guest bloggers tell a
story about parenting, highlighting something they never thought they’d say to
their kids. Some recent one-liners: “We live in a pants-wearing society!” and "Please don't pee on the chickens." Try not to laugh.

Life With the Campbells. Molly is warm, witty, and
wise, and that sort of person who has a wry humor about everything. She’s been around for a while, and she’s a
real writer who’s written a humor book and has won the Erma Bombeck Award for
writing – twice. Did I tell you that her
husband plays the accordion?

List of the Day. Oh, List of the Day, where would I be
without your laugh-out-loudMugshots
and Found Porn of the Day? This site is
a catch-all for everything hilarious that Cary or his readers find in the world
or online. This is the funniest three
minutes of my day. Start anywhere on
this site and get a face-full of funny.

Mama’s Losin’ It! If
you’ve been around my blog for a minute, you will notice that I use Mama Kat’s
writing prompts faithfully each week. I
started doing them because they helped me think of topics to write about, and I
keep doing them because they help me think of topics to write about. I’ve found quite a few blogs from the writing
prompt link-up, and there’s that, too. Kat
also does videos of trying out Pinterest projects and working out parenting issues,
and they are always comical. She also
is a little bit sarcastic, which makes me love her all the more.

Misty’s Laws. Misty is an actual real lawyer which ups
her street cred. I’m not really sure
what that means but she’s a blogging lawyer so she must be a superhero –
everyone knows how hard lawyers work if they’ve seen LA Law or Ally McBeal. Anyway, Misty is straightforward and honest
and tells great stories that involve mysterious rashes, deep-fried treats, and
all the weird and wonderful people she meets.
Go to her.

MODG. MODG is Amanda, a fiercely funny mom of two adorable babies who makes me laugh at her quick, desperate rants about
anything from mom jeans to baby puke to Britney Spears. She is a gem who has a huge following, and for good reason. She is totally honest and OMG WHAT WAS I
THINKING about being a mom to smalls, and it makes me want to invite her over
for coffee so we can chat while her kids destroy my furniture.

Raising Colorado. Zakarymakes me laugh with her straightforward delivery about her life’s
mishaps and family which includes two kids – one with Type 1 diabetes, one
without – and a husband. She is heavy
into the blogging world in terms of conferences and speaking engagements and
partnerships with some other bloggers who I follow and it’s obvious why – she
rocks. And her hair is fabulous.

Really Real Atlanta Housewife. She watchesreality TV, specifically Real Housewives
shows. I do not. She saves me from having to watch them for
entertainment value because she uses them as comic examples on how to do
life. If you don’t know what I mean,
please head on over there. Her brilliant
use of GIFs is celebrated. By me. Oh, how I love a well-placed GIF.

The Baby is Fine. Mo is a young new mom who is adorable but who refers to herself as an old tired worrywart. Her
view of life with a child is smack on the nose of how I viewed life with a
child when I was her age, but writes it a lot better than I ever would have
back then because back then I think I was seriously out of my mind.

The Bearded Iris. Leslie calls her son Bucket Head. She is a new Tiger Cub Den Mother. She appropriately calls herself a Humorist: she
is editor-in-chief of In the Powder Room, has a list of blog accolades, and
just released a book. She says things like
“You know what would take my mind off these cramps? A big black dog all up in my biznatch.”You will laugh until you pee your
pants. Just go.

The Dawnie Project. Dawn is living the life in Chicago and is
not afraid to share it. She is random – today
there’s a recipe for Cajun nuts, tomorrow, a picture of a Lego man in a
mysterious location. She loves live
music and can draw like a champ and her conversational style makes me feel like
when I read her posts, she’s talking JUST TO ME. She also claims to have invented pancakes,
which I believe.

The Reedster Speaks. Cindy shares dialogue of
conversations she has with her daughter, stories about feeding neighborhood
kids, mishaps on reddit, and general life events infused with a hefty supply
of humor. I get sucked into every one of
her stories, and then she sneaks in a snarky comment or three and I snot all
over my computer.

What Now and Why. Arnebya is that quiet friend who is
seriousand contemplative and you
want to really pay attention when she speaks because you know it’s going to be good. And then she says things
like “Someone should write a list on how to get your kids the things they need AND want but also teach them gratefulness and humility and you too can achieve this without shaking your ass for money” and
you realize that not only is she smart and thoughtful but she is also funny in a way that kind of hits you upside the head when you’re not ready which only makes
you want to hear more of what she has to say.
Please do not hesitate to follow her.

Holy crap. That was long. Thanks for sticking with me here. You are a stone-cold hero. Your mission is to visit these blogs, and
follow at least five of them regularly.
That’s totally arbitrary on my part.
I just like telling people what to do.
You really should follow all of them.

Come back on Friday and I’ll
share my picks for the Foodies and the Moodies! See you then!

Monday, September 16, 2013

She closed her eyes and stepped on the scale, peering at the
numbers one eye at a time. She hadn’t
seen that number in a while. Quick math
told her it was several digits above the last time she performed this
particular ritual.

It hadn’t been a week since she stepped on the scale, but
then again, surely it had been. The shampoo ran out that day. Her eyes darted to the garbage can. The empty bottle lay among the crumpled
up tissues and used cotton swabs.

Defeated, she leaned against the wall as the water from the
shower heated. Steam began to rise in
the small bathroom. In the distance, she thought she could
hear the strains of a familiar song: snack bags and candy wrappers crackled in a two-part harmony.

Her weakness fit like a pair of jeans that had been shrunk
in the dryer. A few more days like the past few and they
would fit her like her own skin, strangling her will and fortitude. She sadly realized that her failing will
eventually require new pants, a new identity, a whole new life.

Clouds of steam interrupted her thoughts. The water was scalding now. Stepping into it and out of her reverie, the
tune dissipated. As she performed the
motions of the mindless task, the siren song of the candy wrappers that had led
her to this moment hummed through her mind once again.

The day loomed.

*******

This exact scenario played itself out in my own bathroom as
I got on the scale after a summer of failing to exercise vigilantly and
employing haphazard eating habits. I
know, I have issues. With snacks and
candy, mostly. And of late, apple crisp
and brownies. Not to mention thinking of
myself as the heroine in a terrible novel.

Ugh. I need to lock
up all the food.

Is it too much to ask that they invent a bathroom
scale with built in empathy? I mean, I’m
all for brutal honesty, but when my clothes are too tight I don’t really need
my bathroom scale to tell me in hard numbers just how many pounds tight they
really are. I need a scale that acts like a good friend who tells you that you
look hot in that miniskirt but it probably isn’t appropriate for this particular
evening, and asks if you want to join her on her all-salad diet tomorrow. Ah, well, it’s been fun, candy and
chips. But back to the veggie patch for me.

Friday, September 13, 2013

When I was little I had two professions in mind for my adult
life: dentist or bus driver.

This is hilarious, because I think other people’s mouths are
OMG so gross. And although I love to
drive, I’m not the best at it (evidenced by the honking I got yesterday as I
pulled onto the road. What? I looked, Service Truck. I might have miscalculated your speed of mach 50 when
I exited the ramp, and hello, get into the left lane when passing a ramp, Mario),
so bus driver is out.

I definitely didn’t announce “I’m going to be a MOM!” when I
was little.

And yet here I am, all grown up, and I am a mom. A housewife.

I don’t work for money or even do full-time volunteer
work. I stay home and take care of my
family and our house.

I’ve endured many “Oh, you’re so lucky you don’t have to WORK”
comments. I never know if they’re meant
to be derogatory or condescending or genuine declarations of wistful admiration.

It doesn’t bother me.
I’ve not been one to truly care about how other people judge me, because
I know that we humans are fickle creatures; as we show appreciation for
something, we are also examining it to find the flaws, ready to criticize the workmanship. The person who tells me she loves my shoes whispers
to her friend later that my pants were way unflattering.

However, even though I don’t care that people might look
down upon me for wasting my talents by scrubbing toilets and putting babies
down for naps only to wake them up and help them with their algebra homework,
ohmygoodness where did those years go, I do sometimes wish that I could somehow parlay this stay-at-home-mom gig into
something that has worth in the eyes of the 7 billion other people in this world
outside of these four walls. I'm not that honorable.

Being a mom was hard when every other mom I knew was filling
out job applications when their babies went to school full-time or went back to
school themselves, ensuring that the gaps on their resumes were easier to
explain in the future. Why wasn’t I also
doing this? Should I be doing this? Am I making a mistake by not getting myself
back out there?

The problem was that I could never think of anything I
wanted to do more than what I was doing as a mom.

I wanted to be there for every minute of my children’s lives. I wanted to put them to sleep, snuggle them
when they got up, feed them hot dogs for lunch every.single.day, bathe them,
let them dress themselves in hideous ensembles and take them to the park, traverse
the grocery store with them while they screamed for lollipops, lie on the couch
with them and watch cartoons in the middle of the day, watch them jump through
the sprinkler, ride their bikes around the block, take them to the mall and the
pool and the movies, see them off to school on the bus, pick them up early for
a doctor visit, decorate the house for fall while they were at school just to
see their delight as they walked in the door at the end of the day. I wanted to
do all of this without permission, without the thoughts of what I was missing
at work worrying the back of my mind.

I wanted this to be my work, my focus.

And I’m really good at it.
And I have found through the years that it does have worth. It’s not paid, and I won’t even offer that
being paid in hugs and kisses is worth it, because it’s not the same to
me. Honestly, I’d like a chunk of cash
to show for my efforts, because they are monumental. My work makes a difference in my family’s
lives and in our home, and I’d love to make money doing it.

But I don’t. And sometimes
it does bother me. Sometimes I do feel as
if I’m wasting my talents, and the ever-widening gap on my resume alarms me, and
I feel woefully behind the rest of the world in marketable skills, and by the
time the kids are old enough for me to go back to work, I’ll be too old to go
back to work.

But I’m also smart enough to know that even if I was a bus
driver or a dentist, the ultimate jobs, I would grow restless at times. We humans are fickle creatures.

And I am a mom, and even though it was not on my short list
of ideal professions, that is what I became when I grew up.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Twelve years ago today I was a new mom, just 28 years old. I worked from home for a marketing research firm
and divided my days between that job and taking care of our six-month-old. We had been in our house just under a
year. Getting there was a nerve-wracking
process, since we had moved after only being in our previous house for a few
months, and several events happened around the move that caused us financial
and emotional grief. I hadn’t given any
effort to make friends in our new town, and had very few, including the
neighbors we knew a little and the girl down the street who had been my helper
over the summer while I worked.

I don’t remember the details of how I felt about life in
general that day. Likely I was trying to
get acclimated to a new schedule. My son
was a high-strung baby but ate and slept well.
My husband and I took zillions of pictures of him and traveled to show
him off to family or hosted family at our house nearly every weekend.

Around 10:30 in the morning that day, my mother called me to
tell me that the young woman who cleaned her house kept calling her to update
her on the planes. I was in the dark,
had no idea what she was talking about. I
never watch TV in the daytime, never listen to the radio. I asked her to explain. She practically yelled in exasperation, “Andrea,
two planes crashed into the World Trade Center this morning…”

I don’t remember anything else she said. I turned on the TV and saw what the rest of
the world had already known. I was
dumbfounded to see the fires, the dust. All
four planes had done their damage. Both
towers had already collapsed by the time I got to the news. All those people, gone.

The phone rang. It
was a co-worker, asking about the project I was helping him with, wanting my
portion of it now. I asked him if he
knew what was going on in our country.
He said that he did but indicated that his work was more important than me
sobbing in front of the TV. I told him
he’d get the work and hung up on him.

I don’t remember if I did any more work that day.

My son was napping. I
dragged him out of bed and brought him downstairs with me,
hugging him close. He didn’t mind. We watched the TV together as I cried, his
baby-ness and innocence soothing me, keeping me on earth when I felt like I was
hurtling into thin air, my body turning inside out. I called my husband and begged him to come
home. I was sure that we were at the
start of a war, expected to see gun-toting guerillas in my backyard ready to
take my home, my son, my country, my life.

There was an email from my husband’s aunt who worked in
Washington, D.C., asking if I had seen the news, explaining that she was trying
to call her mother to let her know that she was OK. Explained that her building was evacuated,
that all the trains were shut down, that she wasn’t sure how she would get home, that she and her co-workers felt like sitting ducks. She asked me to call her mom. Did I call my husband’s grandmother that
day? I don’t remember.

The images of people covered in dust, the stories of people
jumping from the upper levels, the shoe stores handing out shoes to people
forced to walk home from the city, the unimaginable actions of the heroes that had lost their lives to save others, knowing that one of the planes went down in
the part of the state where my parents live, the clean-up crews, the grieving
families, the never-ending news coverage – watching Katie Couric and Matt Lauer
grow more weary and more disheveled as the days and nights wore on, seeing them
when I went to sleep late and when I woke up early, my husband and I sitting on
our bed watching, watching, watching to see what happened and what was to come:
all these details wrap up around that one day, the day that our country changed
in so many ways, the dawn of the era that we now live in.

September 11, 2001: I will never forget what I was doing that
day. I am only one person from
generations of others who can say the same thing about this and other historical
events. My story is only one, but it is
important because I remember. When we
remember important events, we have the responsibility to teach our children
about it, to honor those who served, and to remember those who were lost.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Once upon a time, I met this girl named Steph. We hit it off immediately – kindred spirits,
you know the drill. We’d stay up late
talking about life and love, or the lack of either. We were in grad school and were total nerds.

Soon after we met, fate intervened and we parted. We tried to keep in touch, but this was not
the digital age. There may have been
written letters involved. Time passed
and our lives went in different directions.
We lost touch.

Three years later, I was married and pregnant. In a flurry of manic and sudden grown-up activity,
I sent her a Christmas card. It found
her after the holidays, being forwarded at least one time to her current
address. She wrote to me, indicating
that she lived in the next town over, which was a slap in the face kick you in
the gut kind of coincidence, since our original meeting place was a couple of
states away.

From that moment we stayed in touch and got together a few
times a year, caught up on each others’ lives and experiences.

Steph and I have known each other for sixteen years.

I’ve always felt like we were meant to meet and then meet
again for several reasons. One day early
in our reunion we got together for a meal, and Steph brought brownies.

They rocked my world.
They were the best brownies I had ever eaten, and from that day on,
these brownies have gone down in our history as one of the main reasons why Steph
and I became friends. In my mind.

And with her permission, I am sharing the recipe with YOU!

Steph’s Incredible
Caramel Brownies!

First, collect your ingredients:

For the caramel layer:

50 light caramels. A 14 oz. package will work for this. Don’t bother to count them, unless you have a
small child who is learning how to count.
Then let him/her do it. Don’t
freak out if there are only 46 in the package. These are brownies, not chemical
peptides. I don’t even know what that
is. If you’re worried about not having
50 caramels for the recipe, just get two bags.
Jeez. You are more OCD than I am.

Chewy, gooey, delicious.

1/3 cup evaporated
milk. Just get the small (5 oz) can
for this. Don’t be a hero. A small can contains 2/3 cup of evaporated
milk, and you will use the other 1/3 cup later.
I know this because I Googled it.
This recipe is nothing if not capable of using up full portions of the
ingredients you will need. I am nothing
if not capable of Googling things.

For the brownie:

1 box German
Chocolate Cake mix. I have to say
that I have never made a German Chocolate Cake, and when I eat it there is
always coconut icing on the top, which because of the sole use of coconut should
make it my favorite, but I have to say I’m not a fan. The only time I actually like German
Chocolate Cake is in these brownies. And
that is about everything there is to say about that.

3/4 cup margarine or
butter, melted. Now, look. Steph’s recipe calls for margarine. I don’t use margarine. We are a butter-eating family. I have never made these brownies with
margarine because we simply never have it.
I’m not sure how they’ll turn out if you use melted Country Crock or
your standard-issue Fleischman’s, but the recipe calls for marg and I always
use butter, so whatever. Maybe you’re
one of those people who doesn’t like either and you’ll want to use coconut oil
or applesauce or mayonnaise. I am not
going to condone these behaviors but I certainly can’t stop you from using
whatever kind of fat you want. These are
your brownies. I’m just trying to make
your life better here but I can’t help you if you don’t help yourself.

1/3 cup evaporated
milk. This is the other half of the
can you used for the caramels. You didn’t
even have to measure it, did you? I told
you so.

1 cup chopped nuts
(optional). In my opinion, nuts are
always optional. I would make an inappropriate
joke about that but non-edible nuts and food don’t mesh well in my mind. I will
say that I am not a big nutty brownie girl and these brownies are awesome
without them. I won’t say that they’re any good with them because I’ve never had
them with nuts. But if you love nuts in
your brownies then get a cup of chopped nuts for this recipe. You probably won’t be disappointed, but if we
were at a picnic and I grabbed a brownie and discovered that they had nuts in
them, I would be.

1 cup (6 oz. package)
semi-sweet chocolate chips. I have
never seen a 6 oz. package of chocolate chips, but this recipe is pretty old so
they probably don’t even make them anymore.
And to that I say good for you, chocolate chip producers, because who
needs anything less than 12 oz. of chocolate chips anyway? In our house there are always chocolate
chips, which is the source of both joy and sorrow in my life.

Got your ingredients?
Good! Next, here’s what you do.

Instructions:

Grease and flour a
13x9 pan. I hate this step of any
recipe. I don’t use cooking spray
because it says to grease and flour. If
you think cooking spray will work, do it.
And then let me know how it turns out.
But as for me and my brownies, we will grease and flour.

Combine the dry cake
mix, margarine, 1/3 cup evaporated milk, and nuts. Stir by hand until the dough holds. You’ll know what I mean about the “dough
holding” when you do it. It will look
like a soft ball. Here’s a funny story. The first time I made these brownies, my
in-laws were visiting. I was reading the
recipe and when it said “Stir by hand” I simply put my hands in the dough and
mixed it up, squishing it through my fingers.
My mother-in-law probably thought I was a maniac or gross or both, and
mostly likely hoped that my hands had been washed. Later I realized that “Stir by hand” probably
just meant use a spoon or spatula and not a mixer. I am kind of dumb sometimes. These days I just use a spatula.

This is only half of the dough.
I get ahead of myself and forget to take pictures sometimes.
But at least you see what it means when I say "the dough holds."

Press half of the
dough into the prepared pan, and bake at 350 for 6 minutes. This part is hard; I’m not going to lie. It’s kind of a pain because the dough will
slide over your greased pan a little, and when you press it down it will press
through to the bottom and you will have to cover up the bare spots on the
bottom with more dough. Just do your
best and hope for success. You are a
star! And I know what you’re thinking: bake
for six minutes? That is not enough
time! I know, it doesn’t sound like
enough time. But it is. I would not lead you astray.

This is after the 6 minute baking time.
It's a little bit jiggly. Just like most things around here.

Combine caramels and
1/3 cup evaporated milk in a saucepan, and cook over low heat until caramels
are melted. Stir constantly. Probably the most charming part of this
recipe is that it never says to prepare the caramels before you do anything
else. Let me be clear: you will have to unwrap 50 individually
wrapped caramels for this recipe. It
will not be fun and it will take a long time.
Your fingers will be sticky. You
will want to eat them as you unwrap.
Stay strong. If you only have one
bag of them you cannot spare even one.
If you have helpers you are smart, but you also must instruct them not
to eat the caramels. Slapping little
fingers who bring unwrapped caramels to their owners’ mouths is not part of
this recipe, but it should be.

Unwrapping caramels is a thankless job.

Especially when you're not allowed to eat any.

High-maintenance caramels meet their demise.

When they finally submit, they will look like this.

And then this will happen.

Take the crust out
after 6 minutes. Sprinkle the chocolate
chips over it. Then, spread the caramel
mixture over the chocolate chips. Place
small pieces of the remaining dough over the caramel, and carefully spread to
cover the caramel. Bake at 350 for 15-18
minutes. Things are about to get
real here. The crust will be jiggly and
puffy, the chocolate chips will melt and the caramel will threaten to destroy
everything. Stay in control. Placing the dough in pieces over this mess
and then trying to cover the caramel/melted chocolate chips will make you want
to rethink your life and why you are on this journey in the first place. Then you will get it all finished and you
will finally exhale, and it will look like you are about to bake a pan full of
ground meat and melted cheese instead of the best brownies you will ever have
in your life. When they are finished
baking they will still jiggle a little bit because one of the main ingredients
is melted caramel, for goodness’ sakes.
That stuff won’t harden in the heat, silly! I think the last batch I baked, I left them
in the oven for more like 20 minutes until the edges looked done. But whatever.
You do what you think is right.

Chocolate!

Caramel! And dough pieces!

And spread-out dough pieces!
That look like hamburger! With cheese!

When finished baking,
set out to cool. When brownies are still
slightly warm, refrigerate for 30 minutes to set the caramel. Cut into squares. Let’s get serious here. I have finished these brownies like this, but
honestly what I usually do is let the pan sit on my counter for an hour or two,
then I cover it and stick it in the fridge for a few hours, or even overnight. I like to cut them when they are cold all the
way through. I cut off the edges first
and then cut them into squares, especially when I’m taking them somewhere,
because these brownies are not for looks and they are slightly improved in that
department if you cut off the edges.
Plus they shrink quite a bit while cooling. Remember: these are brownies, not angelfood cake. And you know what? Store them in the fridge while you’re at it.

Just out of the oven, they're still jiggly.
And puffy. Don't be fooled. They will cool, then deflate.
It's sad, really.

Into the fridge!

Waiting to be cut. Finally, brownies that look like brownies!

And Voilà! You are
done. It was a labor of love, wasn’t
it? A love that is unsurpassed, because
you just made some kickin’ caramel brownies, courtesy of my friend Steph. Except when I asked her if I could use the
recipe for my blog, she admitted that it wasn’t her recipe at all, but that she
got it from another friend. Which,
sigh. I’m not the FBI, people. I can’t track everyone down. Just enjoy your brownies.