Letters I'll Never Send

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I was young and stupid when we went and fell in love. Not that you were any better. But I have swallow my pride and say I was the one that broke our ‘perfect’ relationship. I was wrong. I walked away for no reason. I’m a coward too, because I didn’t come up with a reason, I didn’t talk to you about anything. I myself do not know why I left you, even to this day.

I was wrong. I just walked out without a word. And now you won’t even look at me. You hate me and I don’t blame you. I blame me. It was my fault. I can’t be cross or upset that you hate me. I hate myself for hurting you.

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3 Responses to Sorry For Being Naive.

Former unicorn turned meh

September 5, 2015 at 11:33 am

Okay I can relate to this from the scorned woman’s perspective. I have had one or two relationships where things were SO close to perfect it was absurd. We would laugh all the time, do exciting things constantly, take road trips, had amazing chemistry, inside jokes, goofy pet names, were best friends, seemed madly in love and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.

I used to be like 5 girlfriends in one- I loved fooling around, had straight A’s and wanted to have a good career, was adventurous and into sports and risk-taking and the outdoors, found fun new things to do all the time, loved trying new foods and experiences, loved to cuddle and play old school console games, was loyal to a fault, rarely gossiped or said unkind things about others, and was also fairly hot. And I was nice. Life was like one big party. I think I was a goddamn unicorn! And I can’t tell you how many guys ended up cheating on me, I’ve lost count.

Now, there were short relationships where I didn’t try, I’m not saying I was perfect by any stretch or that every relationship was good- I could be a real disaster or pain in the ass too- but I’m talking about the few relationships where I DID really, really try my hardest and things were wonderful. Why do men ruin those?!

The guy would always get bored. I guess I made myself too available- which seems silly to me, because why would you not want your fun, funny, adventurous, smart, hot girlfriend to be available to you? But anyway, some other woman would appear in his peripheral vision and even if she was not as good of a match, he would still think “hmm, I wonder what she’s like? Maybe I should see what’s going on over there”…

I can never understand why lovers- AND friends- SABOTAGE relationships/friendships that are, overall, wonderful. Nothing in life is ever perfect, but some things can be as close to perfect as it gets. And people destroy those things! Because everything is going along so easily, they think it’s TOO easy so they want a new challenge, a bigger better deal. Or they start taking advantage because you keep giving. They think it’s not worth it because it wasn’t a challenge to maintain… I don’t know…

And then men wonder why they end up with two-faced fake “good girls” that secretly cheat on them all the time, or with miserable women who nag them, or with nice-but-boring girls. It’s because a lot of you can’t stand to be happy for too long with a unicorn, apparently!!!

And eventually the unicorn just gives up and the horn falls off. Because, why try so hard? Where’s the payoff?

Since I’ve COMPLETELY stopped trying, the men I’ve dated have been more loyal and provided me with more security, commitment, and trust. I’m much less good looking now, less nice, less fun, less adventurous, less exciting, less trusting, less committed, less everything… and men are more loyal to me NOW. It boggles the mind.

Indeed, love is very unpredictable and unstable, often difficult to understand. My letter is about my relationship with my ex-husband, which just…well he thought we were the exceptions to those “rules” and I thought I could break them.