Author
Topic: Things that you just should NOT laugh at. (Read 403103 times)

When Eldest Daughter was 20 months we moved from the Netherlands to the USA. Eldest was a very talkative toddler and loved to point out things and tell everyone what she saw. Her favourite thing to point out in the supermarket was cutlery on packages. Everything was a fork to her. She couldn't pronounce the -r- and thanks to her Dutch accent her -o- sounded like a -u-.

Do you have any idea how many knives, forks and spoons are on supermarket packaging? I walked around the supermarket with a toddler squealing "F**K" about every 4 feet, and I had to acknowledge each and every one. Because if I didn't she'd assume I hadn't heard her and she'd squeal louder.

Do you have any idea how many knives, forks and spoons are on supermarket packaging? I walked around the supermarket with a toddler squealing "F**K" about every 4 feet, and I had to acknowledge each and every one. Because if I didn't she'd assume I hadn't heard her and she'd squeal louder.

Ummm... I'm allowed to laugh here, right? Because the image in my head has me giggling away, here.

Logged

After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice: If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.

When Eldest Daughter was 20 months we moved from the Netherlands to the USA. Eldest was a very talkative toddler and loved to point out things and tell everyone what she saw. Her favourite thing to point out in the supermarket was cutlery on packages. Everything was a fork to her. She couldn't pronounce the -r- and thanks to her Dutch accent her -o- sounded like a -u-.

Do you have any idea how many knives, forks and spoons are on supermarket packaging? I walked around the supermarket with a toddler squealing "F**K" about every 4 feet, and I had to acknowledge each and every one. Because if I didn't she'd assume I hadn't heard her and she'd squeal louder.

My brothers used to get me to do something similar, but my problem was my "tr" came out like "fu". So, they'd be like "Say Truck De, say Truck!"...then get in trouble.

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When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

My Coworker is having one of "those" days. But we're all enjoying the results.

First facepalm:Teri needs to go out and handle an issue one of our carriers created.Liz "I'll take you, let's go."

Halfway to the door, Liz slows to a halt."Uh...I forgot...I don't have a car today..." Yeah, we laughed. 'Dude! Where's your car?'

Second facepalm:Liz "Something's wrong with this spreadsheet! It's not adding anything up!"Me: "Did you check the formulas?"Liz: "Yes, they are all correct, but it's still saying zero."

I look at the spreadsheet - yes, the formulas are correct.But...Data on page 2 is not moving to page 1 because....there is no data on page 2Data on page 3 is not moving to page 1 because...she did not enter the data on page 3 either....

Yeah. We're giving her a hard time.

Logged

"I think her scattergun was only loaded with commas and full-stops, although some of them cuddled together for warmth and produced little baby colons and semi-colons." ~ Margo

DH took me to get a deep cleaning, and they used a peach scented "pig nose" for the gas. All the sudden, composed mannered me becomes flirtatious, saying all sorts of things to DH, and apparently not too quietly.

So this morning I'm seeing M off to work. M stops to reach down to secure a shoelace, when I see movement blur *right* past M, and hear a meaty "SPLAT". I look up, and there's a pigeon on the power line. M was thisclose to getting pigeon splatted. I lost it for just a minute... it would *not* have been funny had it happened, but because of the proximity (and the look on M's face!) I couldn't stop giggling. Nor could I stop looking up to see if there were any above me...

So there we were, in a big fancy Catholic church for a big wedding. The happy couple was repeating the vows. There was a mural over the altar (huge!) of various biblical characters coming with their hands open to Jesus, the lamb of God.

And my at-best-agnostic husband leans over and whispers in my ear "Look! They're all in line for gyros!"

I was expecting the lightning bolt as I tried not to laugh. I had to pretend to be sneezing it was so bad.

So there we were, in a big fancy Catholic church for a big wedding. The happy couple was repeating the vows. There was a mural over the altar (huge!) of various biblical characters coming with their hands open to Jesus, the lamb of God.

And my at-best-agnostic husband leans over and whispers in my ear "Look! They're all in line for gyros!"

I was expecting the lightning bolt as I tried not to laugh. I had to pretend to be sneezing it was so bad.

I still can't look at church murals without giggling.

WAHAHAHA!

Logged

"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter

So there we were, in a big fancy Catholic church for a big wedding. The happy couple was repeating the vows. There was a mural over the altar (huge!) of various biblical characters coming with their hands open to Jesus, the lamb of God.

And my at-best-agnostic husband leans over and whispers in my ear "Look! They're all in line for gyros!"

I was expecting the lightning bolt as I tried not to laugh. I had to pretend to be sneezing it was so bad.

I still can't look at church murals without giggling.

You think THAT'S bad -- DH's church has swirling modern art frescos on the wall behind the altar. Including some that are decidedly...um...phallic. Makes going to Mass interesting for this little pagan...

Logged

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~It's true. Money can't buy happiness. You have to turn it into books first. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As I posted elsewhere, my father is dying. I went out to see him the day after Mother's Day, and among other things took care of the necessary legal and business arrangements. These included arranging for cremation with the Neptune Society (fondly referred to in our family as "Bake & Shake") and disposition of his remains (in my mother's vault).

While at the Neptune Society, I said to the woman helping me, "You know, you all have done my grandpa, grandma, my mom, my mom's uncle, and my dad's brother. Do I get a volume discount for Dad?"

I think she wanted to laugh but was afraid somebody would hear her.

My mom has set up cremation ahead of time for her mother and herself for when the time comes - she refers to them as her BBQ papers... I giggle just about any time they're mentioned (My gramma hasn't been doing so well lately so it's come up a few times. We don't just randomly talk about the BBQ papers)

=)

I cleaned houses for the elderly and one of my clients was a bit of a pack rat. She asked me to help sort through a bunch of boxes and bags. Guess what I found in the paper bag from Pete's BBQ Takeout... her mothers ashes and memorial effects. I couldn't help myself I burst out laughing and when she saw what was in the bag she said "Oh that's where they are, but why are you laughing?" It took a few minutes long enough for me to calm down to explain the juxtaposition. When her husband was told he just sort of snickered and said "well at least they were well filed". A sweet lady but a bit batty.

I don't know why I didn't remember this sooner. My favorite great-aunt, let's call her Baila, was a very energetic and independent woman, despite being the baby of the family and only 4'8" tall. I spent most summers with her until I was about 14 and we became very close, and the family is unanimous that I got a lot of my attitude from her.

She was the scandalous one in the family, as among other things she was married five times. Her fourth husband more than played around, he seemed to be after some sort of Olympic gold medal for playing scrabble with the most women. He died suddenly of a stroke and, not having much money at the time, Baila had him cremated.

She kept the urn with his ashes on her dresser. She said that was so she would know from now on where he was at night.

When the women's sewing circle met at her house, she would remind the ladies to be careful when powdering their noses at her dressing table. "The face powder is in the one with the roses. Billy is in the one with the knob on top."

So there we were, in a big fancy Catholic church for a big wedding. The happy couple was repeating the vows. There was a mural over the altar (huge!) of various biblical characters coming with their hands open to Jesus, the lamb of God.

And my at-best-agnostic husband leans over and whispers in my ear "Look! They're all in line for gyros!"

I was expecting the lightning bolt as I tried not to laugh. I had to pretend to be sneezing it was so bad.

So there we were, in a big fancy Catholic church for a big wedding. The happy couple was repeating the vows. There was a mural over the altar (huge!) of various biblical characters coming with their hands open to Jesus, the lamb of God.

And my at-best-agnostic husband leans over and whispers in my ear "Look! They're all in line for gyros!"

I was expecting the lightning bolt as I tried not to laugh. I had to pretend to be sneezing it was so bad.

I still can't look at church murals without giggling.

You think THAT'S bad -- DH's church has swirling modern art frescos on the wall behind the altar. Including some that are decidedly...um...phallic. Makes going to Mass interesting for this little pagan...

At a Catholic church wedding I went to a couple of weeks ago, the walls behind the altar were panels of pink marble. Very pretty. Unfortunately, the way swirls in the marble lined up at the seams of the panels made for some quite large patterns that would have made Georgia O'Keefe blush. I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to be accused of having a dirty mind in church, but a couple of days later, a friend asked me out of the blue "Did you notice the huge [female anatomy] behind the altar?" I told her, "Yes! I'm so glad I wasn't the only one!"

My usual breakfast is a bowl of instant oatmeal (aka poverty ) and a banana.

Some weeks ago, dh bought a new flavour of oatmeal - a weight control flavour.Well, I quickly discovered why it's a weight control formula - it's inedible!Tasted to me like cardboard with an aftertaste of aluminum.

Being thrifty, I shoved it to the back of the pantry and decided it was "zombie apocolypse" food.As in, it stays there until it goes bad or we get desperate enough to eat it.(You see where this is going, right?)

I was in a rush this morning and grabbed for the closest open box.And got halfway through the bowl before the taste registered. Daughter looked at me and said "What's wrong?""I got the zombie food!"

I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste out and grumbling that "my poverty tasted like zombie" this morning.

Logged

"I think her scattergun was only loaded with commas and full-stops, although some of them cuddled together for warmth and produced little baby colons and semi-colons." ~ Margo

My usual breakfast is a bowl of instant oatmeal (aka poverty ) and a banana.

Some weeks ago, dh bought a new flavour of oatmeal - a weight control flavour.Well, I quickly discovered why it's a weight control formula - it's inedible!Tasted to me like cardboard with an aftertaste of aluminum.

Being thrifty, I shoved it to the back of the pantry and decided it was "zombie apocolypse" food.As in, it stays there until it goes bad or we get desperate enough to eat it.(You see where this is going, right?)

I was in a rush this morning and grabbed for the closest open box.And got halfway through the bowl before the taste registered. Daughter looked at me and said "What's wrong?""I got the zombie food!"

I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste out and grumbling that "my poverty tasted like zombie" this morning.

I laughed so hard because I think I must have the exact same box in my cabinet, and like yours, it is shoved to the back because I also decided that the reason it is a weight loss formula is because it is inedible but now it shall be called zombie poverty.

Logged

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata