Brexiter claiming ‘we won’ struggling to finish weekly online shop

A man claiming he “won” thanks to Brexit is having a right old mare doing his online grocery shopping.

Simon Williams, 31, has been spent the best part of three months confidently screaming “we won, get over it” into the face of anyone who suggests that voting to leave the EU might be anything less than absolutely ruddy brilliant.

“The leave campaign won and I voted that way so I’m a winner and I’m delighted,” beamed Williams.

“Although it’s a bit tricky now as I usually do my shopping online and they seem to be out of stock of an awful lot of things I usually like to buy such as PG Tips, Hellman’s mayonnaise, Sure Deodorant and all of the nice fabric conditioners that don’t make all of my sweatshirts go all bibbly-bobbly.

“I suppose I could shop somewhere else, but I didn’t have to do that before we won.

“I mean, obviously we’ve still WON, that’s the main thing, it’s just my life seems about 4% more difficult right now, which is something that people like me usually write to the papers about.

“I’ll keep my mouth shut on this one though. Don’t want to come across like a traitor.”