Saturday, 20 December 2008

Me- There was an amazing live version of 'Voldtekt' on the Norsk Svart Metall compilation, along with your new record do you think that it represents some kind of third wave of black metal?Hoest- I don’t think in terms of 'waves' or whatever. To me it just seems like one big continuous wave. I don’t think black metal should achieve anything either, except reminding people that Hell is right here on earth and that people can be demons if they just sell their souls to The Devil.

Right. So it’s all happening right here on Earth. If there was a black metal version of the bible you’ve been around pretty much since Genesis. How do you feel about what has happened to black metal since then?Too many people got involved and then there were too many ideas on how to do things. The best bands were the first ones and most of them changed too quickly into meaningless nonsense. A lot of bands lost their focus and ideals and fucked up something we could have been very proud of. The glory days are long gone. But at least some bands are still on to something.

Yourself, Natteforst and Darkthrone particularly have taken on a much punkier sound, atypical to most recent black metal. The latest Darkthrone basically sounds like Motorhead doing Exploited covers.Taake has had such elements on each release, it is merely a coincidence that there is a bit more of them in the newest material. I always felt that the punk influence should be kept alive, as it is evident in the old black metal roots. Look at bands like Venom, Hellhammer, Bathory, Sodom and so on.

Yourself and Nattefrost in particular seem hell bent on pissing basically everyone off fairly indescriminently. You even stated that with the Nekro EP you'd hoped to lose fans. Erm, what’s up with that?Black metal is a magnet for idiots and I’m embarrassed about being enjoyed by so many useless people who don’t really understand what Taake is about. I’d rather have an audience of quality than quantity. I have always felt that black metal should be something for a few especially interested people.

Do you think that the German public overreacted over the whole kerfuffle in Essen last year (in March '07 he went on stage with a swastika painted on his chest in Germany)?Yes indeed, I never expected such overblown reactions. But the weirdest thing is that most people seemed to react because displaying a swastika is against the law in Germany. When have I ever cared about the law?

Were you surprised by Kreator's intervention?At first, yes. But then I was told that they use their music as a tool to fight fascism. I think I heard them introducing “Pleasure to Kill” at a concert though with: “are you ready to kill? Are you ready to kill each other?”. Maybe they should be boycotted for saying things like that. But of course, no one takes talk of killing seriously these days and we certainly know that those wimps don’t mean anything by it. Time to retire, boys.

Do you think prison has made you more determined to make your point?No, my times in jail hasn’t changed me in any way apart from becoming increasingly bitter towards the Norwegian court system every time I go through it.

How does the ever expanding escalation of celebrity culture sit with you? I can’t imagine you sitting at home checking out the X Factor over a Domino’s.You lose me again, I don’t know what X-Factor is. I live in my own little world and don’t give a shit what the rest of the world is up to.

Terrorizer ranked you joint 6th "most evil person on the planet" with Osama Bin Laden last year. How do you feel about not cracking the top 5?I can’t take such a readers’ poll seriously, It’s just a big joke being on the same list as Sharon Osbourne and George W. Bush.

Varg is due out of prison soon, what are your predictions of what shenanigans he’ll get up to on his release?I have absolutely no idea and am not particularly curious either. I heard someone say he will continue with music. Although I enjoy many old Burzum tracks, I don’t have any expectations that he will create musical magic again.

Monday, 1 December 2008

Whilst at the Queen's for tea recently I noticed she had a BlackBerry so I asked for her PIN. She went out bowling the other nite with Andrew and some other toffs for Di's December remembrance party. Here's what unravelled when she took public transport home that nite...

The Queen-You missed a cracking bit of bowling. I am overhearing the funniest conversation at the momentMe-HahahahahaThe Queen-Some guy is getting his mack on like you with a really drunk girl, they've been on a date and he's promising her the world. She's all horny too. They're sat right in front me. They so wanna get it on, but are tiptoeing around it in a really drunk and stupid wayMe-Hahahahahah. Like me? WhatThe Queen-He just said he's gonna take her to a French wine bar called Beaujolais. Sooooo jokes. They're snogging now. For the first timeMe-I know that place. Its in Soho. I've blates been there hahahahahaThe Queen-He just said the atmosphere is gonna be wonderfulHahahahahahaha. I'm there. I'm that guyThe Queen-Hahahaha. I meant like you wouldn't believe. Missed a bit. He's massaging her now. This is so weird. He even pulled the hand on the knee massage. I ain't seen that in a whileMe-Hahahahahaha. Classic. Like anyone ever needed their knees massagedThe Queen-I know. They're staring into each others eyes nowMe-They're gonna fuckThe Queen-He just snogged her. She just said, 'where are you sleeping tonight?'Me-Fuckers fuckers fuckers fuckers fuckers... Worst invitation everThe Queen-They are literally right in front of me in an empty carriageMe-She's a 4?The Queen-Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckers. Nah, she's alright. Might be Spanish. He looks like a a complete thug but is really well spoken. I could reach out and grab her tit right now. Oh my god. They're just staring into each others eyes now, but she is grabbing his chubby. This is happening right in front of me, they must know I can see, there's no one else on the tube and they're a meter away from me. HahahahaMe-Get your dick out. Just do it. Take a pic for the blog!The Queen-Nah, he'd kill me. Hahahaha. Oh my god my camera just flashed. They're looking at me now. They kinda stoppedMe-HahahaThe Queen-Look down look downMe-Now get your dick outThe Queen-I know. Hahahahahahhahaha. I am dead. Oh dear(Sends above picture)Me-Hahahahahahahahaha. Tell him you thought he was famous and he'll get all blushyThe Queen-I think he is blushy. She's been getting him going for a bit now. You get that? Sooooo jokes. I still can't look at them. They might kill me. She's trying to toss him offMe-Hahahahaha. Tube sex. ClassicThe Queen-I know. Glad I just got off that one. I think they are too. They got all "comfy" when I leftMe-You're a right paps toniteThe Queen-Hahaha. 'They' just went home to fuck. So jokes.

Sunday, 30 November 2008

Really? That's what this Brooklyn group reckon to the new trend of rappers wearing more 'fitted' clothes. I remember a year or so ago when I worked at the Fitted shop some skinny Somalian teenager asking me why I wore my jeans fitted, when I answered he replied, 'but people might think you're gay'. I asked him if he thought I was gay and he said no but he was concerned what other people might think about my attire. Considerate huh.

The comments under the video are priceless. Here's one classic... 'YALL ALL LOOK LIKE BUMASS NIGGAS ANYWAY SO YA NOT IN A POSITION TO SAY NOTHING...YALL LOOK LIKE YALL STINK...STAND ON A BLOCK SELLING NICKS OF GARBAGE MAKING 100$ aA WEEK...AND THEM HOS IN THE VIDEO AINT YOURS...YALL CHIPPED IN TO PAY THESE BRAWDS..FUCK THE OVERLY TIGHT SHIT,BUT YALL STILL SOME BUMASS STINKING LIKE SHIT ASS NIGGAS HAHA' Whatever the fuck any of that means. However one youtuber had this to say, 'Baggy pants were popularized in prison, worn by prisoners as a signal to show other men that they were ready and willing to engage in anal sex.' There it is...

Friday, 28 November 2008

So it was this time last year, in the unholy year of 2007, that the true meaning of thumbs down became apparent in a place called the Button Factory (not very nekro) in Dublin. The deliverer of such an evangelical revelation was none other than Attila Csihar, Mayhem's enigmatic Hungarian frontman. We all know what thumbs down means as a general, worldwide rule, up for good, down for bad. Atilla somehow managed to redefine thumbs down and give it a completely new meaning. His onstage 'altar' comprised of two pigs heads, two candlesticks and a plug-in globe that he would spin maniacally, stop at a random part of the world and give it the unholy thumbs down. It was at that point that I knew...

If you can't be bothered to watch the below in its entirity go to about 4:50 to witness the most unholy, double-thumbs-down-in-a-candle mankind has ever seen...

Original tour poster

Apparently he was dressing as different people throughout history on the Ordo Ad Chao tour, here's a few of the most thumbs down ones I found here

Sunday, 24 August 2008

I went to check out the Hunterian exhibit at the Royal College of Surgeons which is located next to Lincoln's Inn Fields and let me tell you, this is one very necro place. It comprises the collections of John Hunter and Richard Owen. Photography was obviously prohibited but I took some cheeky shots with my BlackBerry...

This was a rodent of some sort just hanging out, exposing his innards

A really gnarly looking cuttlefish

A beaver's jaw avec overgrown incisor

A baby alligator/crocodile splaying

This was some sort of dog I think which looks to have more inside somehow. Well done buddy

A baby's vein system

Some fucking good draftsmanship

A 'portrait' of a girl called Mary Sabina who had the skin pigmentation condition piebaldism. This is a genetic disorder that causes an absence of melanin in certain areas of the skin and hair. Michael Jackson 'had' it apparently

Something imaginatively titled 'Boys Face', which was just a boy's er, face

And finally, a dismembered foetus showing all the good stuff. Not sure why this was necessary it looked pretty grim I guess, foetal juice anyone?

There was actually a bunch more foetuses there but they were real close to the desk where Reginald and Dorris were having a ball so I decided not to negate their fun by being a cunt and flaunting their no photography policy. Well not right in front of them anyway. Upstairs was some human surgery exhibit but the whole surgery thing kinda darks me out so I thought it best to just leave. Go check it out. Oh and it's free.

Friday, 22 August 2008

Yesterday I did pretty much nothing except wallow in misanthropy, which, as it sounds, wasn't a whole bunch of fun. Darkthrone's other majestic half, Nocturno Culto, made a whole 56 minute movie about said subject, called The Misanthrope - The Existence Of... Solitude And Chaos. He has described it as, "a strange documentary/fiction piece...a totally weird film with no actual information, but with atmosphere and self irony".

I haven't actually seen it yet but it looks pretty necro, from trips to visit people in the wilderness in northern Norway to a trip to Japan to sign Gallhammer, it looks like it could be amazing, if only for people into Darkthrone (he writes in the inside cover, "some will find this DVD totally pointless"). I have however heard the soundtrack and if like me you think the track running over the trailer is really next level shit (it's called Necroposers) then follow the link below to sample the album...

1. Battlehorns 2. The Bastard Son 3. Lake Of Sorrow 4. Stay Away 5. Necroposers 6. The Will To Deny 7. The Solution

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Were an amazing band. In fact the whole time I've been writing this blog I've listened to both The Experince and Music for the Jilted Generation straight thru. Really takes me back to smoking hash in fields, drinking 2 litres of Bulmers, buying John Player Blue's for 17p each, Joe Bloggs jeans, Air Max BW's, practicing the 'Prodigy step', trying to smoke banana skins and wanting to be in The Prodigy. However given how they look now, I'm kinda glad I never grew up.

Here's a link to a pretty good mix of their classics, even though it does have some slightly dodgy mixing...

I also remember waiting with anticipation for Music... to come out and was a little pissed at how bad the cover was but thought the inside (especially on the vinyl edition)was amazing. Now I kinda hate it, but can't, which is a bit confusing really.

Remember these Nike Mag's that Marty McFly had in Back to the Future II? (The self tightening laces in ths scene were apparently achieved by there being holes in the set floor that the straps in the shoes were pulled down thru to make it seem as if they had been automatically tied)

I love the shoe and think that isn't too steep a price for what is, a) a piece of cinematic history from one of the greatest movies ever made (okay, the first one is better but hey) and b) it's the only one I've ever seen on eBay and I've been keeping an eye out for one to come up for quite some time.

Anyway, so coincidentally Nike have given Kobe Bryant a new signature shoe that's based on the original Air Mag (however, when I saw the write up on the Hyperdunk in the new Nike pop-up store it didn't even mention the homage)

But does it suck? Would you even wear the one Marty wore? Does anyone really give a fuck? No? A lot of fucking nerds outside UNDFTD would disagree...

I hate those guys universally and infinitely, bet not one of them even wears them. Probably explains why they're like $1000 resale price. Fuck off and die socially inept sneaker collectors, do you think queuing for shoes is cool? Is it a cog in the evolution of mankind? Biff Tannen would kick your head in for breakfast and take your lunch money too.

Recently I've developed this weird phobia where when I'm crossing the road, no matter how many times I look either way, I think I'm going to get struck down by a phantom car. You know, like an invisible car. This sounds fucking retarded I know but apparently it exists, well might even. It seems to happen exclusively at nite so maybe the years of relentless weed abuse is paying off in bouts of extreme paranoia where I imagine being hit my a ghost car driven maniacally by Maddie. I dunno, fuck it, it's kinda weirding me out anyway.

That was the best youtube had on offer and to be honest is NOTHING like the ghost cars in my head but fuck it, it's semi-entertaining at best.