Wedding Etiquette & Etiquette Tips

I am ready to order my wedding invitations, but I am not sure what details to include for my guests. Other than the date, time, and place, what other information should be on the invitation? Our wedding venue is a little tricky to find so I would like to give detailed directions to my guests, but I don’t want the invitation to look cluttered.

Etta says…

I’m going to let you in on a little secret that will help to keep your wedding invitation chic and stylish, and still get all of the information to your guests: Enclosure cards! Enclosure cards are the perfect way to share wedding day details like directions, special requests, and your wedding website with guests. While much of this information should be listed on your wedding website, it should be remembered that not all guests will be internet-savvy. Here are a few ways you can use this handy stationery trick.

Directions

Including directions with your wedding invitation is absolutely necessary if you have a difficult-to-find location. After all, you invited your guests – you want to make sure they can find the venue! However, your wedding invitation is not the place to include these directions. Simply list the directions on an enclosure card that accompanies the wedding invitation. Enclosure cards can even be customized to include a map of your location.

Special Instructions and Details

Listing nearby accommodation options is also helpful for out-of-town guests. Be sure to note if you have reserved a block of rooms for your wedding. Sometimes a bride will want to share useful information with her guests, like “The reception will be outdoors, so please bring something warm”, or “Shuttles will provided to and from the reception venue.” An enclosure card is the perfect place to convey these messages, and will save you multiple calls or emails to your guests.

Wedding Website and Social Media

Include your wedding website information on an enclosure card, so that guests know where to find these details, and more. For couples who are encouraging guests to use Instagram or Twitter to share photos during their wedding, including a personalized hashtag on your enclosure card is a fun touch. Alternately, you could include a request for no sharing of photos on social media sites. Our new Mini Enclosure Cards are the perfect size for any extra-special details!

Gift Preferences

Your wedding registry should never be listed on your invitation. Instead, an enclosure card can be a simple way to announce your registry, or to direct guests to your wedding website for more information. You may prefer that guests do not send or bring gifts, but instead send a donation to a chosen charity. Use an enclosure card to be specific about your preferences.

I hope this helps, Angie! There are so many fun ways to customize enclosure cards, and to share the details of your wedding day.

I have been very torn with the decision of picking bridesmaids. I am lucky to have many wonderful friends, plus a big family. I have been in several weddings, and many of my friends are recently also just getting engaged. I would like to have a smaller wedding party, but I also don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

If I was in a friend’s wedding or if a friend asks me to be in her wedding, am I obligated to ask her to be a bridesmaid? If I end up picking everyone, how many is too many?

Etta says…

Choosing your attendants can be tough when you are lucky enough to have a large group of friends and close family members. But you are never – and I mean never! – obligated to ask someone to be a bridesmaid, even if you were part of their wedding. Remember, relationships evolve over time. When selecting your bridal party, the best advice is to follow your heart. Choose the friends and family members that will make you feel the most comfortable on what is sure to be a very nerve-wracking day.

There is no hard and fast rule for how many bridesmaids are too many. Past etiquette called for one attendant per fifty guests, but adherence to that number has declined. Instead, think about the number that you couldn’t do without. You should have no regrets about your bridal party, both for who you choose to be a part of it, and who is not.

If you think that a friend may be hurt to not be asked to be a bridesmaid, I suggest that you be upfront with telling her the news. Let her know, carefully, that you are keeping the bridal party small. Try to find another role for your friend. Perhaps she could do a reading during the ceremony, or give a toast at the rehearsal dinner. This way, you are still incorporating her into your special day while also having a bridal party that feels comfortable to you.

The post-wedding to-do list can seem almost as long as your wedding planning list! Today we’re highlighting the top duties a newlywed must check off her list. And don’t worry; we’ve included a longer list below.

You will likely have more photos from this one day than any other day in your life. Take the time now to organize, compile, store, and share these photographs – you’ll be thankful later.

The first step is to gather together these images. Find out from your photographer when and how you will receive your photos. Most often it will be digitally, which is the best way to save your special shots. A photo Share Site is a fantastic way to gather any candid shots friends and family may have snapped during your wedding. Post a call out to friends on your social profiles to see what they can share. Often, you’ll laugh at the silly moments your guests were able to capture that the professional photographer may have missed.

Next, decide how you will share and display these photos. From hanging prints in your home to creating personalized stationery, the possibilities are endless. Our favorite way to gather together wedding day memories is with a gorgeous wedding photo book. Pull together images, add in quotes or memories, and you have a keepsake you’ll treasure forever. A photo book is a fantastic anniversary gift, if you can’t find the time to make one just after your wedding.

2. Send Thank You Cards

Thank you cards are a must for any bride, and should be one of the first items tackled after the big day. If you have a wedding registry, you can often get a head start on this by writing thank you notes as gifts are delivered in advance of the wedding.

Etiquette asks that brides wait no more than 6-8 weeks after the wedding ceremony to send thank you cards. If you are planning to send a photo thank you card with a special shot from your reception, ask your photographer to give you one or two options the day after your wedding. That way, you can order your thank you stationery as soon as possible.

Every person who attends your wedding should receive a thank you note – even if they did not bring a gift. Their presence at your wedding took time and cost, and should be recognized. It’s also a great idea to send thank you notes to your vendors.

If you are changing your name after your wedding, be sure to think through all of the possible accounts you’ll need to update. Start first with your Social Security card, your driver’s license, and your major bank accounts. Then move on to your employer, insurance companies, and other major accounts. You’ll also need to update your marital status in many of the same places, as well as beneficiary for life insurance. See our Ask Etta feature Do I Really Need to Change My Last Name?

4. Preserve Your Wedding Day Memories

Beyond photos and videos, there are other mementos from your big day that you will want to save. Start with your bridal bouquet the day after your wedding, whether you plan to preserve the entire bouquet or just dry out a handful of petals (a great keepsake to tuck into your wedding album). Hint: many brides have a special “toss” bouquet to throw to guests, and keep their bridal bouquet for themselves.

Take proper care to clean your wedding dress and veil. Find a trusted dry cleaners (with experience in cleaning wedding dresses) to take on this task for you. Then, carefully store your dress. You likely won’t be taking it out of storage too often, so limit exposure to sunlight, heat, and other damaging factors.

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Need a few more ideas of what might be left to check off? See below.

The Days After

Return all rented clothing

Return all borrowed accessories

Return all rented equipment

Contact your gift registry to have gifts delivered

Send your picture to the newspaper

For the Honeymoon

Put your mail on hold, or resume your mail service if you have already returned from your honeymoon

Turn on/ off your out of office / away message on your email

Upon Your Return

Contact your videographer for a viewing

Put any wedding photos taken personally on the internet for friends and family to see

Thank you to all participants of our Facebook etiquette chat this morning. We had a wonderful time answering your questions with our wedding etiquette expert, Amber Harrison.

We’ll update with a few top questions (and their answers!) shortly.

As a thank you to all participants, we are offering ten free samples AND 10% off your next Wedding Paper Divas order. Please see below for exclusions.

* Enjoy 10% off your order using the code at FBCHAT10 checkout. There is no minimum purchase required for this promotion. Offer is not applicable to previously placed orders, shipping, taxes, rush processing charges, and excludes photo books, calendars, and gift certificates. This promotion code cannot be combined with other offers and is valid for one-time use only. Offer is only valid on Wedding Paper Divas and is not applicable on third party or partner websites. To prevent abuse, we reserve the right to discontinue or modify this offer at any time without notice. We reserve the right to cancel any order at any time. Offer expires 7/31/13 at 11:59 pm (PT).

Help! With large families on both sides, high school friends, college friends, work friends, and now my fiancé’s graduate school friends, the guest list for our wedding has gotten out of control. I’ve been told there is a certain percent you can expect to not show up – should I send more wedding invitations to guests than our wedding venue can handle?

Etta says…

This question seems to always confuse brides. While it may seem like a science to create the perfect guest list that keeps everyone happy, there is no hard and fast formula for guest attendance. You’ll hear some experts say to invite 10% over your venue limit, while others claim 20%– and I’ve even seen some pretty complicated math problems put forward! (Hint: if your guest list plans start to resemble your eleventh grade calculus homework, you’re making things too difficult).

Remember, you might end up accountable for every person on your guest list. After all, if they are important enough to be on your guest list, you may be (and hopefully are!) important enough to them to warrant the travel. Keeping that in mind, I suggest you create two guest lists. The first will be the definitive list of must-invite guests. The second list will be backup guests, listed in prioritized order (think co-workers, club friends, or friends of parents).

Send invitations out to your first list over eight weeks in advance of your wedding date, and ask for RSVP response cards to be returned within just two weeks. This ensures that you receive responses in a timely manner – allowing you to start inviting those from the second list without cutting it too close to the wedding date.

At the end of the day, you and your fiancé know your friends and family the best. If you know that Great Aunt Mary won’t make the travel to your wedding, but still wants an invite, then by all means, send her an invitation. On the other hand, if you know your groom’s graduate school friends will travel anywhere in the world for a good party, I suggest you make sure you really want them at your wedding.

I know that it is tradition to have the wedding invitation addressed from the bride’s parents, as they traditionally host the reception. But I find myself in an unusual reception situation. My fiancé and I are paying for the majority of our wedding cost, but both of our parents are helping us out with small financial contributions. I don’t want to make my future in-laws feel left out, because they are contributing just as much as my parents. How do I appropriately say this in an invitation?

Etta Says…

Thanks for writing in, Anne.

It is now quite common for couples to take on the financial load for their own wedding reception. Often, a bride and groom will pay for the wedding entirely on their own. Sometimes it is the groom’s family hosting, instead of the bride’s, and in other situations, like yours, the wedding is a shared cost between the couple and the two families.

With so many different options, crafting perfect wedding invitations can be difficult. But whichever your situation, there is certainly etiquette in place to make sure all members of the family feel acknowledged for their special part in your wedding.

I can think of several wedding invitation templates that would be perfectly acceptable and recognize both sets of parents.

With this formal template, it is clear that the bride and groom are the hosting the wedding, and yet still acknowledges the parents:

A similar, but less formal, format uses the parents’ first names, for a modern touch:

This invitation template uses a clean layout to convey a similar message:

Another option is to simply note that the parents are a part of the wedding, but not mention by name:

Most of all, it is important to keep in mind how this applies to your personal situation. Are your parents, or your fiancé’s parents, likely to be offended if their names are not on the invitation? If so, I strongly suggest including their names. This is such a simple gesture of goodwill that can mean a lot to your family.