An RT-award-winning literary agent with 20 years experience in numerous genres opens up about her experience and adventures in publishing and the world beyond it.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

50 Shades of Bland

So I went to a press screening of Fifty Shades Freed, the
third installment in the Fifty Shades erotic romance saga last night
with my movie reviewer friend. It's been our pre-Valentine's Day date
for the past three years.

Now maybe it's that we've had
a year of living in Trumpland and that's just dulled our reactions to
everything, or that it was a cold and rainy night, or that anything to
do with BDSM has become yesterday's thrill, but that movie was just
tepid. Sure, I got a few nice shots of Jamie Dornan's well proportioned
ass, and there were multiple visits to the red room of pain, even one
that involved glimpses of stainless steel butt plugs, but it was
spectacularly forgettable, as was the music, and the acting by so many
really amazing cast members (why did they even bother to hire Marsha Gay
Harden and Rita Ora).

And they know it because before
we get to the end credits there's actually a montage of the greatest
hits form the previous movies set to a remix of the theme song from the
first movie to remind you that this was once something that anyone cared
about, or that millions of women throughout the world were obsessed
with.

It was like a bad Hallmark movie, or the last
installment of one of those made-for-TV movies from the late 70's and
80's where something that should have been two hours is stretched out to
six.

The one truly amusing part of the film for me was
the portrayal of Ana's publishing job. There are manuscripts piled
high on her desk (we ALL read digitally now - that is so 1990's). The first novel she's acquired has a print run order of 200,000 (also so 1990's). But, hey, I have to remember that this is fantasy!

But I am glad I saw it. I'm a completest that way.

If
you're a real sucker for the this kind of thing, I hear some of the
Alamo Draft houses are offering a Fifty Shades three-movie marathon
tonight (my local one in Yonkers starts at 6:00.) Enjoy!