October 19, 2009

The way a man wears his backpack can tell me a lot of information: Mainly, would I ever agree to be seen with him out in public or not. We like a simple backpack on our men, nothing too intense, bizarre, strappy, or kitchy. But, really, we are mostly concerned about how he wears the thing.

Worst case: One loosened strap over the shoulder. I don't want to date a guy who looks like a sixth grader in a hurry. What are you, a weed dealer? You know what the Hunchback from Notre Dame, Eurotrash, and Screech from Saved By The Bell have in common? They all look like you! It's hard to take a guy seriously who rocks this look. I will avoid eye contact. I will pretend I don't speak English. I will get the RCs (retard chills) and deny any friend requests he sends me from here on out.

Good case: Both straps on shoulders. Much better! Well, now he looks like a citizen with good posture. He looks like he had a good night's sleep, ate a balanced breakfast and did his homework. He probably shows up two minutes early to appointments. Yes, I would love to take a stroll around the park with you, young man. Cheerio!

Potentially best case: Both straps on shoulders along with the harness straps clicked into place. That buckle tells me that he values security. He is high-tech. He uses a laptop. He carries his phone charger around with him. He will text you back in a timely manner.

I mean, look at Patrick Stump over there. How cute is he all bundled up like that? I just want to run up to him and tighten that strap with my teeth. Is this how guys feel when they catch a glimpse of our bra strap? His backpack gear is basically a garter belt for his chest. Check yes to that.

Honorable mention: This isn't even a backpack, but a guy with a messenger bag is totally ok. If done right, it can make him look like a scrappy English professor. If done wrong, it can make him look like a 1997 music convention attendee.

Did we miss anything? Do you agree? Leave your comments, in the, uh, comments.

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comments:

I tend to judge more based on the type of backpack rather than the method of carry. If a guy's got a sweet technical Gregory or Arc'Teryx backpack that looks like it's been through a lot, he's a hit in my book. DAKINE backpacks and other similar brands read "poser," unless he's wearing it while snowboarding. They're right up there with fake expensive jeans and t-shirts with graphic tees from Express. Just my humble opinion.