3:10 To Yuma v Under Siege 2: Dark Territory: Metro Film Fight Club

CHOOO CHOOO!!! All aboard thehttp://www.rossvross.com express… That’s right, this battle from Ross McD and Ross McG makes almost no sense whatsoever, except that one of these films has a train in it most of the way through, while the other has a train in it right at the end. Take your seat, have your tickets ready and enjoy the ride.

3:10 To Yuma battles Under Siege 2: Dark Territory

Ross McG: 3:10 To Yuma ‘You say one more word and I’ll cut you down right here.’ He can’t run and his ponytail isn’t fashionable enough to get a date with Mel Gibson ’s Lethal Weapon mullet, but I’ve always had something of a soft spot for Steven Seagal . Anyone who finds time to play guitar and dabble in law enforcement is okay by me. But Steven Seagal’s greatest contribution to the 20th century is Casey Ryback. Not only does he have one of the coolest names in movie history, Casey is also one of the coolest dudes. He cooks. He kills bad guys. He quips about cooking. He’s a cool mofo. So why on earth would mankind (or the guy who directed Young Guns 2) stoop so low as to take the guy from Under Siege (a film I love so much I love it more than I love the equally loveable Con Air[insert link: http://www.metro.co.uk/film/836970-con-air-v-under-siege-metro-film-fight-club%5D) and put him in one of the duds of the decade? Under Siege 2: Dark Territory is as terrible as its terrible title. What does it even mean, anyway? Is it a comment on the shade of Seagal’s usual attire? Why is it set on a train? A train doesn’t exactly have the danger of a nuclear warship. I suppose being a train lets Seagal move without, uh, moving. Look out for Katherine Heigl as his niece, almost as annoying as she is in The Ugly Truth. Yes, that’s how bad Under Siege 2: Shadowy Area is – I’ve mentioned it in the same sentence as The Ugly Truth, unquestionably one of the most offensive films ever made. In 3:10 To Yuma, the titular train doesn’t turn up until the end, just after 3 o’ clock as it happens. But it doesn’t matter when the film is this much fun. Russell Crowe and Christian Bale try to outscowl each other and Ben Foster is terrific as Charlie Prince, one of the Western’s greatest ever bad guys. Director James Mangold delves into the genre with great flair, having already made Cop Land, a western in all but name – except most westerns don’t have Rambo listening to Bruce Springsteen records. While Under Siege 2: The Lights Are Out In This Particular Region goes nowhere like its hero, 3:10 To Yuma is a thrilling race n’ chase movie. Crowe, in a role originally earmarked for Tom Cruise, has a bundle of fun as the bad guy and Bale does some Grade A scowling. Don’t listen to what Ross McD says: the ending is great, a real WTF moment that elevates the film. If you want to stand by the toilet door between carriages, by all means book a ticket for a ride on Under Siege 2: I Can’t See Anything Around Here. If you want to travel by first class, however, why don’t you arrive at the platform in good time at about 3.05pm. Ross McD: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory‘Nobody beats me in the kitchen’What are the odds?! Yet another large passenger vehicle is hijacked by a megalomaniac, his crazy mercenary second-in-command and their team of heavily armed henchmen, all he’ll bent on holding the US military to ransom, and the chef on duty is none other than day-saviour Casey Ryback! Unbelievable! But believe it: Steven did make a sequel to Under Siege. I know it’s not much of a field to chose from, but not only is Dark Territory better than the original, I honestly believe it to be his best film.Trains are such awesome settings for films.

The protagonist has to get from one end to another, and it’s got a wonderful, claustrophobic, linear feel to it, like you’re playing Streets of Rage on the Sega Megadrive. You’ve got so many ways of dispatching bad guys from throwing them off, running them over, fighting them on the roof, disconnecting carriages and then blowing them up. The end of level boss is the delightfully OTT Eric Bogosian as Travis Dane, who does such dastardly things as blowing up airliners with his satellite weapon because his terrorist backer threw him $100million to kill his ex-wife.

Man all films should be set on trains! And what’s this? A western set on a train? It’s even named after a very specific train! Think of all the gunfights! The robberies! The jumping from horseback to carriage, and from carriage to horseback! …….. Wait a minute? Where’s all the trains? What a croc! There’s barely any trains in this at all! Actually 3.10 to Yuma is such a boring film, the fact that there arena trains in it is one of the very few things I remember about it.

Let’s see, what else do I recall? Oh yeah, casting Luke Wilson as a bad guy, real intimidating. The only other thing I remember about this film was the stupid, stupid ending. Russel Crowe, the meanest mother-effer in the wild west, who has been chased across the country by his loyal gang in the hopes of rescuing him, decides to gun down his mates and submit himself to imprisonment, all in the name of making cripple Christian Bale look good in front of his kid. I’m sorry, I’m willing to believe someone with a girl’s ponytail can kill 24 men without braking a sweat, but 3.10’s ending is out of service. WHICH IS BETTER: UNDER SIEGE 2 OR 3:10 TO YUMA?Go towww.rossvross.comfor more movie battles