I see that this thread has come and gone a couple times. I let my teeth go for 10 years without much care. I believe now that I was punishing my mouth for betraying me. The dentist himself doesn't bother me. I just felt like I didn't deserve good oral health.

I finally began treatment, and have spent a lot of money over the past 12 years undoing the damage and recovering some health for my teeth. I still get in ruts where I don't take care of my self. It is hard for me to find a new dentist when my insurance changes or I move. Mostly out of shame for the past conditions of my teeth. I have only had one dentist who was a jerk about it. And that didn't matter because I was on vacation and needed some emergency work. I wasn't ever going to see him again. My current dentist is good, and the nitrous oxide mixture he administers helps relieve any residual anxiety.

OMG you took the word right out of my mouth! almost word-for-word what i was thinking. I'm broke/no insurance so yah, coverage is first, but if i could pay or have it covered, KNOCK ME THE F- OUT! I also had all-impacted wisdom teeth pulled, w/ a valium IV and a f-ing HORSE-sized novocaine injection. ("You're going to feel a slight push now." SHOVE. CRUNCH.)I've heard that almost any standard dentist would refer you to an oral surgeon, and even then the issues around anaesthesiology(sp?) and lawsuits make them all reluctant to offer it as a choice. I haven't been in over 16 yrs, really need it but can't do anything right now.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speakWhispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

I just got a PM from a friend on the site who asks me about this comment I made earlier in this thread:

Originally Posted By: roadrunner

I always tell a doctor working with me that I'm a survivor, and the doctor is always relieved to know that and adjusts his treatment of me accordingly. It was difficult at first, but so are many things in life when we first set out to do them.

What he wanted to know was exactly what do I say and what does the doctor do differently once I have told him I'm a survivor?

What I say is just something like: "Before we get started I should tell you I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was abused for four years until I was 14, and I still have problems because of that and am in therapy for it." No more details are needed.

I have been doing this for over a year now and the reactions among doctors have so far been 100% positive. One in Germany told me, "I'm so glad you told me that. We need to know these things if we're to give you the best possible help." I did have one experience where a nurse reacted with embarrassment and confusion, but okay...the point is that no one has ever been negative and usually the reaction is positive.

What difference does it make? Well, I saw an immediate difference. The doctor was careful about touching me and always told me what he/she was going to do next and what I would feel. They were all very careful about a huge trigger for me - being held by my head.

In mental health facilities, like hospitals or Oxford's Psychology Department, I am always first asked how I am doing and feeling and is it okay if we talk about x or y or z. If there's a form to fill out, I am shown a copy first and told that if there are areas I can't talk about they will be removed from the form. When we go to a room the other person goes in first and then asks me where I would like to sit.

It's a lot of little things, I guess, but the overall effect is to make you feel like you DESERVE good professional treatment. It's reassuring when you get a reaction that shows you're dealing with people who have been trained in how to handle cases like ours.

Much love,Larry

_________________________Nobody living can ever stop meAs I go walking my freedom highway.Nobody living can make me turn back:This land was made for you and me.(Woody Guthrie)

So this mourning, had my dentist apt. I was sooooo nervous I thought I was gonna be sick, So as the dentist comes over I tell him right away that I am extreamly nervous and that I am one of those people that fear going to the dentist. I said some thing that happened in my childhood made me nervous so if he could please tell me what he is going to do before he does it I would be most appreciative. So he says that its no problem and if at any time I feel really uncomfortable just wave at him and he will stop.

Then he goes on to question if what happened to me was related to a bad experience at the dentist, and now I have no idea what to say or how to respond. I tried to say that "I am a survivor of...... I couldn't get myself to "Childhood Sexual Abuse." So after a short silence, 10 sec's maybe, I say "I was molested when I was a kid." He just nods his head and says it will be OK. I feel shocked because of what I just said! It was weird, I did not feel ashamed. I felt very relieved for getting that part over with, and somewhat proud of myself for saying it.

The rest offf my day was cake compared to that. I had a great day after that!!!!

-Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"-Blade Runner

Rick, maybe if you explain your experience about the time when you were a kid to the dentist he would be more sensitive and it may put you at ease somewhat.

I also felt ashamed when I told the dentist that I could not remember the last time I had been to a dentist. The dentist responded very casually as if it was an expected answer.--I think dentists in general may expect that answer from some people or at least get that answer a lot.

Best of Luck,Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"-Blade Runner

Then he goes on to question if what happened to me was related to a bad experience at the dentist, and now I have no idea what to say or how to respond. I tried to say that "I am a survivor of...... I couldn't get myself to "Childhood Sexual Abuse." So after a short silence, 10 sec's maybe, I say "I was molested when I was a kid." He just nods his head and says it will be OK. I feel shocked because of what I just said! It was weird, I did not feel ashamed. I felt very relieved for getting that part over with, and somewhat proud of myself for saying it.

Somewhat proud? You should be VERY proud. That was a big step and I'm so happy for you. The first time we do something like this is always the hardest.

Much love,Larry

_________________________Nobody living can ever stop meAs I go walking my freedom highway.Nobody living can make me turn back:This land was made for you and me.(Woody Guthrie)

WTG Logan, Maybe if more people were able to do what you did dentists may consider peoples backgrounds before making judgments and assumptions about their patients. I don't know, its not like all dentist shame their patients but I have had a couple that I never went back to because of that attitude. My next step in recovery is to get my dental problems taken care of. This will be a big step in feeling better about myself. The darn TV commercials don't help, seems like everyone has a perfect smile. For me to get a nice smile I'm looking at 5-7 thousand and that is a conservative estimate. Although there are ways to get financial assistance for this. There is a place about an hour from my home that will knock you out and do all the work in one visit. They advertise fix years of embarrassing problems in a friendly environment. I think this may be where I go. It would be well worth it to get the work I need without the repeated visits and where there seems to be more understanding dentists. There was a study done where the findings were that people dental problems were at higher risk for heart problems. can't remember who did the study, it was a few years ago when I heard it. Think it was a National Public Radio news story.peaceRick

WOW! Over 1033 people have checked out this thread. I had no idea it would be this important... Again, we find we are not alone.

I'm very happy some are able to mention to their doctors they are survivors and reported the positive results here.

Larry, when I was reading your post about how your dentist was understanding and compassionate, I was struck by the thought that's it's nice to have someone like that listen, hear, believe, and react appropriately, i.e. have no trouble explaining what will happen next and what you should feel. I think that reaction from the doctors could be something we've all been looking for our whole lives, eh?

I'm lucky to have a dentist that trains other dentists so he always hip to what's new and how to act. I find myself laughing when I get a shot now because these days I don't even know when it happens as opposed to the Dr. Frankenstein I had as a kid that came at me with a hypodermic the size of a spear...

For those of you who are still on the fence about going, I've found the latest catch phrase of the good doctors is "caters to cowards" Maybe if you find one of those guys in the phonebook you can call and get the doctor on the phone and explain anonymously over the phone that you are a survivor and see if you get a reaction you're comfortable with then go from there.

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.