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Author
Topic: please help us (Read 5383 times)

My husband was diagnosed in dec after a 5day stay in hospital discharged as neg but tild to call doc in 3days some blood work was not ready. Ehen we called they told him to go seea doc they started him on atripla. He is doing fine but he says he is neg the test r wrong. I don't want to sound stupid but since I am still neg I recently started to wonder if he is right. Idk maybe its just wishful thinking huh. But would they even start Med like this without being 100000000% sure.....

If I understand you right, he was discharged without an HIV diagnosis, but then a doc told him he was poz and put him on meds?

I would think a doc putting someone on meds had the test results. I would hope any doc would know to do a western blot test. That is the definitive confirmation. Since you both are confused, I would call and ask for the western blot results.

3days after he left hospital they told him to go see another doc she put him on atripla and said his vl was over 1 millionan his cd4 is at 240.... is this possible. Thank you for responding. I am going thru a lot right now I am trying to keep my husband healthy and not think to much about how he received this considering we have been together for 10yrs with kids n no drug use.... but that's beside the point again thank u so much for talking to me

3days after he left hospital they told him to go see another doc she put him on atripla and said his vl was over 1 millionan his cd4 is at 240.... is this possible. Thank you for responding. I am going thru a lot right now I am trying to keep my husband healthy and not think to much about how he received this considering we have been together for 10yrs with kids n no drug use.... but that's beside the point again thank u so much for talking to me

Yes, it is very possible to have those lab results. It is good he learned his status now, before things got worse. Your don't say why he was in the hospital, so I am assuming it has to do with having a very weakened immune system.

About how he was infected, even though you don't want your mind to go there-- Many people can be infected for at least a decade without knowing. A few can go 20 years or more without needing medications, so they only knew they were poz, because they tested. He could have had this prior to your relationship. Just because you didn't get infected, does not mean he didn't have the virus all those years. HIV is actually harder to transmit than other viruses, and harder to transmit vaginally than anally. You may have just been very fortunate. Of course, something else may be at play. But, like you said, it is best to not think about that now. That can wait.

So, you've been tested, right? If you have only been tested once, it would be a good idea to test another time. I think most say 3 months, after your last unprotected sexual encounter. I wish him, and you, all the best. Keep in touch. The moderators may want you to make future posts in "Someone I care about has HIV." And, once he's ready, encourage him to use this site, if he wants to. It sometimes takes a while, before people are ready to discuss it.

3days after he left hospital they told him to go see another doc she put him on atripla and said his vl was over 1 millionan his cd4 is at 240.... is this possible. Thank you for responding. I am going thru a lot right now I am trying to keep my husband healthy and not think to much about how he received this considering we have been together for 10yrs with kids n no drug use.... but that's beside the point again thank u so much for talking to me

This sounds like seroconversion to me,which means it is a recent infection not a weakened immune system after years of infection. High VL, relatively low cd4, indeterminate result(?) and the hospital stay all points to that.

What it means to you is that chances are small that your husband passed the virus on to you or someone else, because you found out veeeeery early. Im not just saying this to cheer you up but I think many others here on the forum would make a similar "qualified" guess.

Try not to worry too much, with time things will work out and fall into place.

This sounds like seroconversion to me,which means it is a recent infection not a weakened immune system after years of infection. High VL, relatively low cd4, indeterminate result(?) and the hospital stay all points to that.

What it means to you is that chances are small that your husband passed the virus on to you or someone else, because you found out veeeeery early. Im not just saying this to cheer you up but I think many others here on the forum would make a similar "qualified" guess.

Try not to worry too much, with time things will work out and fall into place.

Actually, a recently seroconverted person is MOST infectious. The high viral load and all that. If he has has intimate relations with his wife (or anyone) in the last couple of weeks without a condom then she/they are absolutely at risk and need to be tested at the three month period since the past instance of unprotected sex.

There is evidence that starting treatment at seroconversion (which seems to be the case here) can have very positive outcomes insofar as preventing long-term damage to the immune system.

I only caution the poster that her husband really needs to get connected with an infectious disease specialist that works with HIV patients in order to be monitored. Atripla can have side effects that take months to materialize, and while it's easy and very convenient, there are many, many other combinations should her husband feel the ned to switch.

to the OP:

While the circumstances of your husband's infection does warrant a conversation, what's most important is that he is being treated, and treated well. Atripla is excellent at lowering viral load and allowing the immune system to rebuild. At the current state of medicine, your husband (given ongoing treatment and monitoring) stands an excellent chance of recovering physically from this bump in the road and leading a long and healthy (as fas as HIV/AIDS is concerned) life.

Catching an infection early happens less often than we'd like. The fact that you did is fortuitous both in the short and long term.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Thank you all so much. Yes I have been tested 3times since we found out... all neg. They want me to cont testing for 3 mire months. He was admitted into the hospital because he walked out on our family for 4months he just left no contact with me at all. One day he called me and apologized n said he need us in his life. Smh after a week of talking I wanted to see him n I noticed a lymph node on his shoulder was about 3 inches raised. I thought it may have been cancer or his diebietes. He also had such bad chest pain he couldn't eat. I also noticed he lost 15 lbs. I made him ho to er. I love him and cut off contact with a ex whom I reconnected with 2minths after he disappeared I can't walk out on him he won't tell anyone in his family and he refuses to go to doc he won't even take there calls they all call me now I get his meds I got him insurance I give him Med he is not in denial but he does think they are all wrong. I am 32 he is 46 I feel like I'm going crazy

Hi Worridwife . I have moved your thread into the Some one I care about has HIV forum .

I know you just wrote that he isn't in denial but it wouldn't be honest or kind if I didn't tell you exactly as I feel . It sounds like a classic case of denial to me and unless he comes around and excepts the truth or excepts the help of a councilor or therapist he will not fare well , Im sorry but its true .

You cant make him take meds forever if he doesn't believe he needs them , he needs regularly scheduled doctor visit and lab work if he is to remain healthy . Try and get him to join the forum here and maybe we can share some things that may help him see that HIV can and does happen to the best of us , so it can happen to him as well .

Im not trying to scare you but its important for to know as his care taker that there is only so much you can do if he wont help himself . Please remember to take time for your self as well . Im wishing you the best of luck .

Is he taking the Atripla? Everyday? If he was put on the Atripla in Dec or early January, by now is Viral load should be drastically reduced. Is he feeling better?

Get a copy of any medical record that marks that he's HIV+ and show it to him. Also, until he comes to terms with all this, it will help if you can watch that he takes the pill everyday... Its the very basic necessary thing he needs, even if everything else is still in the air.

Also, take care of yourself, and know that everyone appreciates that you are taking care of him. He sounds like hes in a crisis and at his wits ends.

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Jeff thanks. I understand what ur saying. And I do get hum to the doc 98% of the time he needs to go sometimes he has work n can't get off I change his appts I realty am trying to keep my sanity and keep him healthy it is hard n he is so angry now idk if its because of his diagnosis or the atripla. And for me to gethim to join any type of group is out of the question he would flip out if he knew I was on here... I just need to talk to some one the understands

Yes he his on atripla n dapsone I give him his Med every day at 8 pm I even cut up the atripla he can't swallow it. Lol. I have not missed a day even when he gets upset that he has to take it or if he has to be woken up I still take his attidude and just give it to him. My feelings are hurt daily but as long as I can keep him on track I will do it but I can't keep it bottled up I need to talk to ppl not just doc the understand or can help me understand So again thank u

I'm glad you found us and I want you to know you can always come here and find somebody that cares enough to listen and give you support and advice . Please keep us updated and remember you are not going through this alone .

OK since I just told all my husbands story I would like to ask a question for my self.... I have been very tired for 4 months now I sleeall the time head hurts constantlyalso. Thought it was stress from all this but for the past week I have been coughing n sore throat my body is painful I know 3 test came back neg just the 15min test but I feel as if something is wring with me am I going crazy. I have to go back for a mother test in a month and I don't want to look crazy asking for one now but I really am worried. Can I be pozand not show I had mono years ago n it took 6 blood test to show sorry if I'm a bother now

I'll be perfectly frank. If your last test was six weeks past your last episode of unprotected intercourse with your husband, than you can very likely rule out HIV.

But of course things are going wrong. Good God.

You have been doing an INHUMAN amount for your husband. And you deserve a break.

He might need a little caregiving right now, but I have witnessed far worse. People whose family have shunned them. whose lives have been basically forfeit, relying on friends who drop in every other day, and manage with more debilitating circumstances. Your husband has it rich. He has you.

And who, might I ask, do YOU have?

Here's a big secret - and it's from one caregiver to another - YOU need time to yourself. Hours if you must, DAYS if you can. This burden should not be yours alone.

It might be time for some tough live to your husband. He doesn't want his condition to be a public thing, yet he wants YOU to suffer while he refuses to participate in his treatment. I would recommend an ultimatum. He can help, or you can enlist others to help YOU, with full disclosure.

This will break you. It will. You have to get some control back in this situation.

I can tell you love him and are devoted to him. Thing is, does he love YOU? Does he care that he is sacrigicing not only his own well being but YOURS?

HIV is no walk in the park. But it looks as though your husband has every opportunity through insurance and location to get and maintain the help he needs. But at some point, your own survival instinct WILL kick in. You don't want that to be in the middle of a real crisis.

I have read your posts and I feel for the both of you. But he is NOT dying of AIDS. Nor will he, is he takes his meds and sees his doctor. Ultimatum time - if he truly loved you, he would do that. He needs to know it's really that simple. You can NOT become a person who sacrifices her health and her sanity for someone. You will come to resent him, hate him even. And the messed up part about all that is that you will also love him At. The. Same. Time.

Been there.

Look to your community services to find help if you have to.... but look in the mirror to find your strength. It's right there. You have to take care of yourself even as you take care of him. Before, even.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I really appreciate all of your kind words. As for getting a break huh.... that would be nice. There are some many factors in my relationship that I donot like to mention because it does not make me sound as strong as I am.... but to put it out there a lil do u all get the full concept of our story. Before he walked out on us this last time he had dine it numeroustmes before he cheated with at least 5 woman and he used to be physically abusive also mentally n financially abusive as well. I never heard of financlly abusive either until I went to court with him... but yet still I always see the good in him. Last time he left I started to move on get my life back but as I said I felt as if I couldn't just abandon him even though he had done it to use. So now once again I am dependent on him. But I love him enough to not want him to be alone through any of this but I also am starting to feel as if I'm not appreciatedat all again. OK well I put me life out her n all I ask is foe you not to judge me... I do know that I was finally ready to move on I was happy missed him yes but happy again n my life was going forward until he was diagnosed how could I just walk away is what I thought but now because of how he treats me I regreat it... n I truly think that he would have left if it had been the other way around... n just one more thing there hasbeen 2 times that I woke up n he was inside me without a condom as soon as I say something he puts it on but he starts crying n panicing so I know its not intentional

Hi Wife . Since you are the one posting here and not your husband its you Im most concerned about . Its not that I don't care what happens to your husband because I do care but with that being said Im very concerned for you and I want you to know I think you are doing the right thing coming here and sharing your story . Its very brave of you .

I think your husband is putting you I danger by trying to have unprotected sex with you in the middle of the night . I don't know if your situation allows for you to go somewhere else until he gets the help he needs to start caring for himself again and knows that he can no longer put you at risk .... if its possible for you to safely leave then that's what I would advise . It may be tough to hear this but it doesn't sound to me like he cares about your feelings or safety . I hope others chime in here with some advice as well .

Last time he left I started to move on get my life back but as I said I felt as if I couldn't just abandon him even though he had done it to use. So now once again I am dependent on him. But I love him enough to not want him to be alone through any of this but I also am starting to feel as if I'm not appreciatedat all again. OK well I put me life out her n all I ask is foe you not to judge me... I do know that I was finally ready to move on I was happy missed him yes but happy again n my life was going forward until he was diagnosed how could I just walk away is what I thought but now because of how he treats me I regreat it... n I truly think that he would have left if it had been the other way around... n just one more thing there hasbeen 2 times that I woke up n he was inside me without a condom as soon as I say something he puts it on but he starts crying n panicing so I know its not intentional

Its good that you keep talking here and give more details. Now, if I see the picture more clearly, you have done what your heart, your conscience/morality, maybe your religion or culture - says is right - you took him back and let your love for him be generous - in order to help him through this HIV diagnosis and so he's not alone. OK: Its noble.

But as we hear more details, he is sounding like a man who does NOT respect others and especially women and especially you, his wife and love.... Yes, he's treating you awfully, and its only natural you regret your choices...

It is a pity that he is in denial about his diagnosis. But he has NO RIGHT to be inside you, unprotected. I don't know why exactly he starts crying, when you tell him - get out of me, and use a condom.... Maybe he is crying for the past, because he KNOWS its over - unprotected sex. Maybe he's crying because in that moment, he realises he is HIV+... But, the next line, I have to disagree with what you wrote: I know its not intentional

Its intentional. OR what else? he's "sleep screwing"? Hmmm. He knows what he's doing and he's acting like a big spoiled baby boy who thinks he can do and have whatever and whomever he wants.... And he evens KNOWS that isn't possible, so he cries.... Boys cry too when their mothers catch them doing something wrong and they can't get out of it....

Listen - is he physically abusive, or was he ever? If so - get away from him.

Do you want to stick with him, and try to make it work? Then assume your power and lay down all the laws about the way its going to be, mutual respect - and if he can't manage respect for you and your family, and can't start to get his mind together about being HIV+ - get away from him.

IN what ways are you dependent on him? Money? Emotional dependence? Social pressure because he's your husband? A little bit of all this??

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

WorridwifeIm definitely not here to judge you.Im glad that you found the forum.Please stick with it as you need an outlet to talk.

I need you to do one thing......I know it difficult...but please think about yourself too.Sometimes we sacrifice everything for someone else hell lots of us can agree with that...but you and your well being are important too.Im writing as someone who cares...I and many others have been there.

Thank u all again. It is nice to be able to talk openly. I do think of my self I know I have to put my self first after my kids and thus is where I fall short. When I see him sick in the bathroom or weaker then I have ever send him I can't help but do more to help him. Its when he's mean n rude that I hate my choice

He has really bad nausea, headaches, he's always tired lost about 15 more lbs eats all day never stays full sweats all night long and is even meaner then before... he slso has diabets.....he was prescribed atripla in Jan but had no insurance so had to wait till the insurance his case worker and I work hard to get the aids prescription plan I was able to pick up meds in Feb. He has to go get blood work this week n his next doc appt is on the 9thso any time before then I have to get him to lab. The gave me a prescriptionfor HIV VL ...... bun/creat ...... dx: hiv / dim .... BS & hqb aic....... the doc writing is hard to read but its all on 1 prescription pad. I have no clue what any of it mean beside viral load..... any one here kniw?

First of all, I want to tell you I think you are a strong and very kind woman. Despite everything you say he has put you through, it takes an angel to still be there for him. I hope he has the ability to understand this, and see that he is very lucky to have you.

That said, I am worried when I read he tries to have undafe sex with you. He is putting you at risk, and I think it is intentional...why I say this is because he knows he has HIV, and he tries to have unsafe sex with you when you are sleeping. In my opinion, he is putting you at risk by doing this. Stand up for yourself and take steps to ensure he does not put you in danger. I think you owe it to yourself to protect yourself from this man and keep safe. I dont know what his intentions are, but I feel you ought to put yourself first, despite the fact that he needs you.

Wow what a burden. You need to protect yourself. Set boundaries and also have an exit plan.

He's got a truckload of stuff to deal with going forward. Diabetes, HIV, drinking, psych issues.... A lot of what he needs is long-term professional help, from experts, on each of these issues. Its good he's got the anti-virals but its just the first step.

Do you think he's got it in him to put some faith in doctors and follow more or less the treatment suggestions??? It takes mental and physical stamina and money, of course... He needs regular treatment for both diabetes and HIV. Serious stuff. Probably needs AA or some such support to cut out the drinking. And certainly could use mental health attention.

Beating women and non-consensual sex acts are (to me) signs that his character is flawed... Sorry to say.

Besides what he needs, you need to go talk to someone outside the situation and decide whats next for you...

I hear that you love him. You know, sometimes we love someone but can't give them what they need. And we certainly need to protect ourselves, from people who would do us harm....

« Last Edit: April 01, 2013, 10:32:53 AM by mecch »

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Its hard to say what symptoms are related to HIV . I would say since this is all new too you and him that I would be cautious for the time being and get him to the doctor if he cant keep food down or especially if he develops a fever . I think its safe to say he should go to the doctor for the same reasons you would if you were sick , most times you know when you need help .

It also important to remember that people with HIV get sick with things just like other people and its usually not the end of the world .

I know that him getting sick is normal for anyone. I am going to bring him into doc on Tue if he gets any worse before that I will have to get him to the er that his id doc works out of.... thanks again btw do u have any idea what the blood work was I hate going to doc with him and being clueless and when they gave me the prescriptionfir blood work it was the receptionistthst called n left a messagefir me to pick up a envelope so I did have chance to ask the doc

I know that him getting sick is normal for anyone. I am going to bring him into doc on Tue if he gets any worse before that I will have to get him to the er that his id doc works out of.... thanks again btw do u have any idea what the blood work was I hate going to doc with him and being clueless and when they gave me the prescriptionfir blood work it was the receptionistthst called n left a messagefir me to pick up a envelope so I did have chance to ask the doc

I'm not sure what specific test that were done but if you go the the doc you can ask them at that time .

If he cares he. Would feel bad for everything but he would also never ever want to have sex unprotected n chance u getting sick. I want a baby but don't want my gf to be harmed in any way. I se u are also not poz may I ask if u are still testing and do u worry about getting it. Did u ever think that maybe u have false neg test