I talked with this guy last night and had all this clicking all over the place. He is smart and interesting and a good conversationalist. I put out feelers for a nice casual friend for some adventures.

We talked late. We talked so late I was late on a paper. He just seemed.. kinda great.

So today we talked about meeting for a drink. He was willing to come by my house and I made sure that he understood meeting by my apartment would not mean that there would be any sex, and that I hoped we’d have a drink and talk.

Hours of conversation.. all that talking about all kinds of things last night and this morning and then he cools. He isn’t so into meeting. I ask him about it and he says he’d rather not meet for a drink, and asks to meet at my place or his. I say we don’t have to meet for a drink. A coffee or a walk or a yogurt or something are fine.

More foot dragging. Talk about it again and he explains that if I’m uncomfortable we can meet in public, but he’s met people from online before without the meet and greet and it was fun for all and not all about the sex.

I tell him I understand that not everyone does things the way I do, but I would like to meet and just talk without expectation. When I have met people from online I had oodles of sexy talk with, often the click isn’t there and for me sometimes that is because I feel like there is an obligation or expectation and it’s just better for me and sexier to meet without expectation and let things take their course.

He was rather petulant about it, and we thanked each other for the time. Just like that.

So odd. Why would you talk to a woman for hours and hours and then refuse to meet her for a drink if she would not promise sex immediately? Wouldn’t it have just been smart to go, have a drink, chit chat and end the meeting with a kiss and maybe plans to play next time? In the best case scenario you meet just for a drink, hit it off and end up together that night, right? So weird.

What the fuck dating world?

I think I’m going to take up knitting or something instead or join a cribbage league or something.

You and I both know I’ll change my mind. But right now I’m thinking.. fuck dating. What a bunch of bullshit.

Dating sucks and one of the reasons why it does is because we don’t all,have the same definition of what it means to date. Even when we make our intentions clear, if there is no agreement – she wants to talk and get to know you but he wants to bone her – then everything fails and it’s back to square one because no one wants to work toward something that will, eventually, satisfy both parties.

Dating was never just about sex for me; if she wanted to talk, fine – I’m good with that because I wanna know who I’m dealing with. If she wants sex, fine – we can do that, too. If she’s dating me as a prelude to a relationship, fine; let’s see what we can do about that.

I think a lot of people date but maybe aren’t so adaptable to the situation at hand; they get a purpose for dating in their heads and never change it, thus failing to establish a piece of common ground to build on.

For me, dating is simply about two people getting together and just to have something to do, to just be social… but if there’s another reason afoot, okay, let’s find out what that is and then see what else we can do together. Once I adopted this mindset, dating stopped being sucky. As a guy, it’s easier for me to let the woman set the tone and then adapt as necessary. Maybe we can do something, maybe we can’t but it wouldn’t be due to a lack of patience on my part or trying to push some agenda I might have in mind. I do have an agenda – let’s see what she wants to do and how she wants to handle it and go from there and then have a plan for whatever she wants to do.

I do the same. This guy tho.. I don’t get. He spent hours chatting and saying he wanted connection.. Then when it comes time to meet he doesn’t want to get a drink. Seriously? Why spent 15 hours talking it up and then you don’t want to meet because I want to meet in public?? Bizarre

OK, OK – I know I am in the minority – But I liked dating! My two cents to you is – keep it old school. Meet for a drink (or coffee or whatever) talk for the duration and assess the date right there. “I would like to see you again – how do you feel? and make date #2 OR “Thanks so much for meeting – I’m not feeling it but I wish you the best”. Don’t waste time with the chatting, the telephoning, the texting…there are many people who like the illusion of connection it gives them. If they meet basic criteria – ask for a meeting. And cast your net VERY widely – you never know. Be open, positive and realistic (and you already ARE those things) and good things will come to you!!

I have met those guys too! Our the guy who wants a “first date” to be a movie at home and cuddling. I’m sorry, I don’t cuddle with strangers, how bout meeting for coffee. Can’t possibly do that! Ugh… creepy frankly.