Like this:

I don’t hate you…I just hate they way you gave up on us and the way you gave up on yourself. I hate how I was ignored and underappreciated and how even now, it really is no different except I don’t live with you.I hate that you need to be intoxicated to feel or express yourself.

I hate that you’re a zombie. I hate that you clearly saw the effect you had over me; the toxicity claiming me and did nothing.I hate that my soul had died, and I felt like I was withering away and you still did nothing.I hate that you lied to me and yourself. I hate that I wasn’t enough. I hate the fact I am broken because of you and I have to relearn how to live.

I hate the fact that there wasn’t even another woman involved because then at least I could have understood.I hate how worthless I felt with you. I hate how now friends and family are fading from my life because I chose to leave you to better myself. I hate that in choosing to live, everything around me dies. I hate the fact I don’t miss you anymore but resent you.

I don’t hate you…I just hate the piece of me you destroyed and I can never get back.

This has been viral around the net for some time now, but each time someone posts it on Facebook or it pops up somewhere random, I ALWAYS listen. We need more moments like these in this world. Through writing, music, or even silence, more people need to focus on the beauty of life and not drown in the negativity.

Like this:

I keep staring at the world ‘Normalcy’ and think that my brain may be starting to make up words but nope; it’s a real word. Thank god. Anywho…

Admit it. You have done this at some point of your life. Some of you may even have had accomplices who dragged you around in it as if it were a vehicle. I’m not just talking as a kid either…I’m talking.. more like, last week or when you and your friends couldn’t get high and were so bored you reverted to silliness that made people still question whether you were on drugs or not. Those moments are always the best, aren’t they? ^.^

I just recently came back from a Walmart adventure for the sole purpose of getting storage bins where I could fit inside of them. Well, that wasn’t the only reason. I had to organize the EVIL corner of my living room that was scattered with my wood burning crafts. Who would have thought there would still be an actual table beneath all that shit. O.O

Am I the only one though who gets excited at the idea of purchasing an overly large bin that is big enough to house a human body in acid? Breaking Bad anyone? If you don’t know the reference at the very least, if not the show, then crawl out from under that rock and smash it with a hammer so you don’t disappear back under it EVER AGAIN. I need to finish watching that show now…Laterz.

This is why you don’t use a bathtub and a plastic bin instead. Basic chemistry…

There’s this brick wall that exists inside my head from time to time. Usually it appears when anything more complicated than simple math is involved. I hate math and i don’t understand how I ever got through it. I’ve always been an English/Literature or History gal. That brick wall is the best way to describe the way my mind goes blank and I feel stuck as if I literally am sinking and can not move forward. I will stare into nothingness, beyond the inanimate object before me for hours getting nowhere just trying to get that one spark that will set the rest into motion.

Lately I suffer this writers block and have taken the time to distract myself from it with life, books, movies/television, family, hobbies, but still I can’t knock down this wall. Usually for me the bits of inspiration arrives in spurts or flashes, such as that place between dreaming and awake. That is always the worse because you can never write it down. Driving usually it comes to me and then I have to try to record the idea onto my phone. Music is a large motivator in my writing, but what can I do when I temporarily stop caring about it?

So, therein lies my dilemma. I have this idea, which I’ve had for some years, for a series. I finally started to sit down and list off what I could for plot points, characters I have thought of so far, and of course the exciting world building. I started with generators for amap and that helped to give me some ideas, but that wall is still there, just with a few bricks missing so some light shines through.

Beginning Of My World.

I still am missing some key plot points, which I am told will come to me, but I feel lost and a bit discouraged. I know I shouldn’t doubt myself, because this is all apart of the process, but I still do. I’d like to believe writing is something I’m pretty good at when I get going; that andwood burning, but my talents are few. Some of My favorite pieces so far are the Dragon for my sister in law and the Wolf I sent to Camila.

Still, I will keep my eyes open and try to pay attention to the world so not to miss my key moments of inspiration.

So, some time ago I wrote a scene for the RPShadows Of The Forgotten,calledSpring Storm. My good friend, Camila, re-blogged it a little while back and it reminded me of how I tried to put together sound effects and music to myself reading this aloud. Sadly, the cheap program I have made the sound…well less than perfect. It certainly has tons of room for improvement, but you get the point. I didn’t include the reading in this version because I couldn’t get the audios to not clash enough to my liking, so here is the music and sound effects. Camila was kind enough to take my writing and audio clip and put it into a visual youtube video for me. Thanks again wifey! ^.^

In regards to the scene, it is personally a favorite of mine for a couple reasons. One, I actually managed to get what I was daydreaming about in my head, out into paper. I am pretty proud of this scene because of that reason but also it shows some metaphorical beauty that one may get the basics from reading out of context, but not all of it. For those of you who are not familiar, Ess had found an unlikely friendship in a stalker; a stranger, that which is Luckas. The scenes giving some nice beginnings and background to their unexpected bond, can be found on this blog, referenced as ‘Ess and Luckas Meet Again: parts 1-5’. Anyways, I would like to think here, as Ess, she was experiencing a moment of peace that she wanted to share with Luckas. At this point in the story, it is fairly new, the realization and discovery that they share a psychic bond brought on when Luckas tried to erase her memories. This ‘bond’ lets them communicate in a way, unintentionally at times, so that in the past, Luckas had briefly experienced some troubling things Ess was living in a present moment. This scene is to share with him, those peaceful moments that are rare and far in between and I’d like to think also, to share a little piece of herself. It’s the only time I can remember, showing as her ‘adult self’, an innocence which she believes she has fully lost.

Something like this needs to be shared with as many people as possible. To all those out there who have suffered with depression at one time or another in their lives who have heard this same thing said to you but it fell on deaf ears, it was just not sinking in, or you were in denial because you were so much pain that it numbed you from the inside out; maybe this will reach you. It helps sometimes to hear it from someone who has hit rock bottom and come back, not just surviving but excelling in their own expectations. From all the messages I have seen, this one got to me the most; this one pulled on my heart strings.

To those of you who don’t understand depression and cast cruel judgement onto your fellow man; maybe this will open your eyes. That homeless person, humbled and begging for food on the corner is not worthless and they are not a loser; they are lost. Any one of us, in this world today, could end up there if caught without someone to back you or simply down on their luck. Who knows, if they are given a chance, you may one day become their biggest fan. They may be the next Corey Taylor or at the very least your new best friend. Don’t dismiss what you refuse to understand.

His poetry amuses me and speaks about the darkness within humanity; that battle within.

My name is Sarah and I am addicted to cuteness. *sigh* I may need an intervention. See puppies below.

No, I don’t get this mysterious urge to drink. Maybe it was poor advertising and yet a stroke of genius at the same time. I just want another puppy now, but I’m not allowed. Even if I say it’s for Buddie, my Lab. >.> He needs a puppy damn it! Point being I must have watched these videos dozens of times, at least.

Got cuteness?

This one makes me happy and depressed all at the same time. *huggles her Buddie*

Buddie the SnowDog

Way to be Chevy. I secretly hate you now just a bit because you are brainwashing me with beautiful cuteness. This has depth and meaning beyond a simple car commercial. Damn them! Least it’s notclowns.>.>Right Camila?

Countering with more cuteness! Budweiser strikes again!

I don’t know about you, but I was cheering for the dog when the owner came back.<.<

Alright, who taught the dogs to drive? How responsible is that Suburu?!

*SQUEE!*OK. I get it. @.@

Waaait a minute. All golden retrievers! What is this discrimination?! Well, I can’t really complain, my first furry friend was Sasha and then Samantha both Goldens. xxoo