If the leaf wore a tree
And the ocean ate fish;
If a flower sucked the bee
And beans ate the dish;
If a beggar was chief
And a boy was a girl
A song would be brief
If a bird wore a curl.
If the grass chewed the cow
And night turned to day
I'm wondering how
Work might be play.
Wouldn't it be great
If the sun was the moon
If early was late
And a line lost its tune.
If all of these things
Were natural to do;
Then a song wouldn't sing
And teeth wouldn't chew.
***

From here to wherever, I'll follow a yard sale sign,
it's a past time endeavor, for my collective state of mind,
I may buy some furniture, or a trinket for a dime,
yard saling is a pleasure, yes, a personal hobby of mine,
Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, on the trail of search and find,
and it gives me great joy, to see a yard sale sign,
from here to wherever, cloudy days or sunshine,
I'm searching for that treasure, ain't no telling what I'll find,
I may find brand new things, boots, shoes, or clothes the right size,
silver and gold chains or rings, or an antique will catch my eyes,
I could find my brother a nice bass lure, or a spool of fishing line,
or maybe a nice piece of furniture, or something for a friend of mine,
Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, on the trail of search and find,
and it gives me great joy, to see a yard sale sign,
It's a past time endeavor, for my collective state of mind,
Yard saling is a pleasure, ain't no telling what I"ll find,
Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, I just spotted a yard sale sign,
searching is a pleasuree, ain't no telling what I'll find,
I may find an old bass lure, or a spool of fishing line,
now one thing is for sure, I just found my cat a ball of twine,
and look here, I found my ol' dog a bone to grind,
Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, on the trail of search and find,
I may find an old bass lure, or a spool of fishing line,
from here to wherever, cloudy days or sunshsine,
I'm a yard sale cowboy, on the trail of search and find,
Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, ain't no telling what I'll find,
Hey Bud, how much for that there what-cha-ma-call-it?
Naw Naw, Naw, that there thing-a-ma-jig, there next to that do-ma-flitchie,
Yea, Yea, that thinga-ma-jig right there.....ya say three dollars..um-m-m..OK...
I'll take it...here ya go.....and how much for that do-daddy over there?
Yea, yea, right next to those 2 onion skin tires...Uh Huh..yea..well I'll be..
Well yea..I'll take it too...it's something I just can't live without...ha ha ha..

There was a Starship Enterprise,
It was the ruler of the skies,
But you don't really care for sci-fi, do you?
With Captain Kirk
And Mr Spock
And don’t forget the trademark jock,
And there upon the bridge you’ll find Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
You’ll find Bones Macoy down in sickbay,
“I’m a doctor Jim” he’d say,
And cure whatever space bug ran through you,
He’ll banish away every cough,
Even if your name’s Chekov,
Or perhaps you might be sweet Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
To make the starship up and go,
The man you really need to know,
Is the Helm officer called Sulu,
But if it’s a message you’d like to send,
Then of course you can depend,
Upon the talented Miss Uhura,
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Your voyage lasted three short years
But despite the trekkie’s fears,
It wouldn’t be the last time that we’d view you,
Of feature films there’d be twelve,
Before the franchise they would shelve,
But we won’t forget you dear Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura

Invisible ladies! You see them ev’rywhere,
In sensible raincoats and Margaret Thatcher hair.
Standing at bus-stops, watching the bus go by:
Waiting at crossings,
Letting the traffic splatter mud in their eyes …
Invisible ladies, all in their “middle years”.
Invisible ladies:
No hopes, but so many fears …
SO polite! So ladylike!
Just don’t mind us, don’t make a fuss … Wouldn’t be right …
But deep inside, there’s such a rage …
You’ll catch it too, this vanishing plague
Called MIDDLE AGE!
Invisible ladies … shopping bags all akimbo:
Moving like zombies, each in her private limbo.
Pushing a trolley at ASDA or Sainsbury:
Examining prices,
Searching for bargains – ever more desp’rately …
Invisible ladies, choosing the longest queue …
The one with the baby:
Babies, they’re visible to …
SO polite! So ladylike!
Just don’t mind us, don’t make a fuss … Wouldn’t be right …
But deep inside, there’s such a rage …
You’ll catch it too, this vanishing plague
Called MIDDLE AGE!
Invisible ladies! When somebody barges by,
Instead of complaining, they always apologise!
They oughta get angry, and maybe get pushy too:
Say, “HEY! Look AT me!
See, I’m a PERSON, really very like you!”
Invisible ladies, everyone knows one …
They live in our houses …
You probably call yours “MUM!”
(This is an anthem for all fifty-somethings - Chaps too!)

Here’s what I’m thinking now
at the end of the world:
There are no atheists in foxholes—
no theists in politics.
If knowledge is power,
and power corrupts,
then why did I bother reading you, Cicero?
Does it matter that I didn't’t love you?
Would it have mattered if I did?
There’s a poetry reading tonight
whence I’I'll chide other poets
who don’t sit alone.
I won’t bring up death
but I might have to breathe,
even into a mike
and mouth lines to get a snap or a boo
maybe even a wince or two.
Just maybe I’I'll talk about love
and how following your heart is like following a dog—
it only leads to vittles and (female dogs).
But how many times have I used that line
since the story I wrote about you,
a witty and sexy and fictional you?
Most likely I’I'll read something tonight about you.
I won’t recite it from memory
because I don’t think about you that much anymore,
not even when I search for my socks in your drawer
or when I put on the scratchy sweaters you give me,
horizontally striped to bring out my eyes?
I don’t remember your eyes
except they are blue.
And I don’t remember you,
not even when I smell cucumber and apple,
not even when I sleep on my side of the bed
or when you walk through the door
happy to see me;
even then I don’t remember you.
Does it matter that I don’t love you?
Would it have mattered if I did?
How about a few one-liners
for the end of days?—
Depression is self-awareness,
which you’d know if you were;
I need Ritalin to listen to you,
Lithium to hug you,
Viagra to feel you,
and Valium to sleep.
All you need
is me standing there, waiting at home
with turns of phrase and word plays
telling you about why I hate Ayn Rand
but want to buy as much as I can
and how I love celebrity gossip
and detest poetry slams
and find rhyming trite
except when I am.
Hypocrites can still be right,
which you do understand
because you nod at my nonsense
about fighting the man.
But now, at the end of all things—
I’m speechless and witless and pointlessly well-read,
and you’re just sitting there, smiling
asking me to pass the bread.

[Verse-1]
I watched you walk by yesterday, and yes again you turned and looked away
You never give me the time of day, and you're always looking sad and grey
A small piece of lace from your pink dress, is all that's left of you and me
Wish I could take back yesterday, when I went astray and set you free
I wish I could find the words to say, instead of making you look away
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace
[Verse-2]
I know that I still need your love, because my heart is always feeling blue
And I guess I'll never be the same, for playing around and being untrue
You gotta know this isn't what I wanted, cause now I'm always on my knees
But I can see how you like your freedom, of being with him and not with me
But baby a twist of fate's what tore us apart, and placed this look upon my face
Oh! it's still funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace
[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace
[Verse-3]
All those things that you used to do, is what made me fall in love with you
You gave me your all once upon a time, but like a fool I up and flew
And the things I went and said that day, made you fade and drift away
I never shoulda treated you that way, cause baby I need you here today
The sun keeps hiding behind the clouds, and all I do is sit and cry
And this piece of lace holds my heart at bay, I don't know...maybe it's a sign
[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

Como’ Si’ Yama’, Senor’
Como’ Si Yama’, Por Favor’…
… for Below That Embroidered Sombrero’
Shone Eyes Like El Dorado
He Was A Tall and Handsome Hombre’
Like The Range of Sierra Madre’
…Now, He Sat Center The Cantina
Surrounded by Bonita – Senhoritas
He Smiled, “Buenos-Dias Senora’”
Por Favor, Por Que’ El-Hora’ ?...
If So, Have A Seat, Mi- Amiga’
And Mercedes, Bring Over More Cerveza
He Was… Rodrigo Reyes-Pacheco’
Best - of The West, of Vaqueros’
He Came to Compete in The Rodeos
And Win Fame and Fortune in Pesos’
He Came Thru El Paso De’ Tejas
Thru Dusty Rancheros and Mesas
To Ride on El Toro Rojo
Who Has Never Been Ridden Befo’…
La Viva’… Arriva’ … Rodrigo
The Brave and The Bold Caballero’
Champion Bull Rider, from Old Mexico
Vaya’… Con Dios’ !... Rodrigo
Now, El Toro Rojo, Was Dangerous
For Killing Men, El Rojo, Was Infamous
His Horns Had Pierced Many A Corazon
Ripped Flesh, Like It Was Piñata’ Hung
I Informed All of This To Rodrigo
The Hombre, Was Bent on Being Macho’…
… He Would Ride Toro Rojo, Manyana’
Said “Gracias”… But My Cares Were Por Nada’ !
La Viva’… Arriva’… Rodrigo
The Brave and The Bold Caballero’
Champion Bull Rider, from Old Mexico
Vaya’… Con Dios’!... Rodrigo
… Now, He Wasn’t Loco in La Cabeza’
I Just Didn’t Comprehende’ … “Que’ Pasa”
But I Saw Rodrigo Atop… El Rojo
… ! He Rode Like A Latino – Tornado ! …
He Rode El Rojo, To The End…
Then, Turned ‘Round and Rode Him Again…
Rodrigo had Won… Just Like He Planned…
Because El Toro – Rojo … … Was Mexican !
La’ Viva’ … Arriva’ … Rodrigo
The Brave and The Bold Caballero
Champion Bull Rider from Old Mexico
Vaya’ … Con Dios ! … Rodrigo….
Vaya’ … Con Dios !... Rodrigo o o o o o
for Ruben Ortellao...
I Don't Really Know
What Your Branch of Humanity is...
(Spanish, French or Other)
But I thought You Might Like
This Whimsical Poem...
Oh... And Thank You For Your
Most Generous Comments...
(Cause I Know You Are A Fantastic Poet...
I've Read Several of Yours
and I Love Them Too...)
(P.S. Excuse the Spelling...
I'm Spanish Illiterate (Smile)
MoonBee

Mama and Daddy was always Love-Dovey
She is His Sweetheart – He is Her Honey
First Love… Real Love - Forever True
Pa… I Pray to find A Man Like You…
Daddy Laughed and Put His Arm Round My Shoulder
And Said, “I’ll Tell You Somethin’, Now You’re Older
It’s got to do with Your Mother’s Fame
And Why I gave Her, The Nickname…
… Boot-Legged Mama
Boot-Legged Mama
Blue-jean Shorts and Vintage Tony Lama
Walked thru the Door… of A Liquor Store
… Packaged so Pretty… Pa Just had to Pour
… Boot-Legged Mama
Ma… Was there, to get 6-packs for A Party…
Pa… Was there, ‘cause of a Taste for Bacardi
He took One Look and Knew He Couldn’t Waste Her
Pa… Gave-up ‘Drank’… Just so He Could Chase her !
Dad, Said, ‘He’d Drowned in Dark-Eyes and Sweet-Aroma
Fine-Wine, Crystal… But Tuff’ Nuff’ to Down-Drama
Pa Claims, Mama’s Labeled by the F.D.A.
And Listed on Her Driver’s License is, A.K.A. …
… Boot-Legged Mama
Boot-Legged Mama
Genuine Woman, Who Made Him Wanna’
Take Her to be His Lawful Moonshine
… Married at Midnight – ‘cross The County-Line
… Boot-Legged Mama
Alcohol’s in Trauma; and Prohibition Told Her:
"Boot-Legged Mama… Done Drove Pa Sober !"
Now, Homemade-Hooch… is His Acquired Taste
180 Proof… Kicked All Over His Case !
Right Then, Mama Flowed into The Room
Pa, Teased and Said, “Still Full-Bodied and Perfumed !
Ma Hugged Us, then Handed Me – Old Boots and A Dress…
(and good advice)… “Go Git’ My Elliot Ness…
… and be a Boot-Legged Mama!
( Hey !... Did I Hear Somebody, In A Country Drawl ….
Order Up A Bottle of Kicking Alcohol !
Well, Here She Is… Y'all ! ...
Boot-Legged Mama ….
Well John (Moses) Freeman... You Said You Needed
Somethin' :) to Read tonight, before kicking up your
heels... Well, Here It Is (Have Fun - Son)
MoonBee
(Thank You For All Your Wonderful Comments
Now, I Can't Get Thru The Door for My Ego.. (Smile)

Overdue bills burning on an open fire
Debt collectors knocking at the door
Yuletide woes being sung by my husband
And I.R.S. sending letters to ignore
Everyone knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Would help to make the season bright
But we'll be eatin' beans, 'cause my pocketbook is clean
Oh! We're out of Tums.......the house could blow tonight !!!
They say that Santa's on his way
But our petty cash won't jingle much today
So this mother hen is going to sit and cry
Because this hungry gal won't have an egg to fry!
And so, I'm offering this simple phrase....
To folks in Washington D. C. .........
Although the recession....has put us in depression...
Find devices, to lower prices !!!.......
AND FIX THIS CRISIS!...........Would you pleeeeeeeease???
_____________________________________________________________________________
Just kidding....!!:) In case the I.R.S. reads this!!
Original song: "The Christmas Song" ..written by Mel Torme'....1944

[verse-1]
Tonight it feels like, the end of the world
Tonight you showed me, you were never my girl
I wonder do you know, what my heart is doing
Well girl it's breaking in two, since you've gone
[verse-2]
Go ahead tell those lies, to all your friends
Go ahead tell them, what a big fool i've been
I wonder will you tell them, you have a heart of stone
Or will you call them, and joke about me on the phone
[chorus]
Well be sure to tell them, how you broke my heart
And how funny it was, when I set down and cried
Tell them how, you tore my world apart
'Cause I know, you won't tell them how you lied
[verse-3]
You're gonna have to be careful, when you're drinking
You're gonna have to be sober, when you're bragging
You'll have to learn to shut your mouth, when your wasted
Or everyone will no your a liar, and how your mind is twisted
[chorus]
Well be sure you tell them, how you broke my heart
And how funny it was, when I set down and cried
And tell them how, you tore my world apart
'Cause girl I know, you won't tell them how you lied

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.
Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.
Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.
Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.

For breakfast I sat down with sweetened cocoa,
then snacked on Hershey kisses all day long.
A chocolate cream éclair I had with dinner.
I’m changing my bikini for sarong.
Andrea Dietrich
For Judy Kono's "A Short Poem Contest"

“Hello, hello Good Morning!” The salesman says, (though it’s actually late
afternoon.)
(We can’t have them rushing off,) he thinks, (when I have cars to move!)
“See this little beauty…” (The side I’m leaning on anyway!)
“I’ve so many interested buyers, I’m sure, this car will sell today!”
The salesman sizes up the couple who clearly like the car.
“Zero to sixty in nothing flat!” (Though you may not get that far!)
“Previous owner? Took fine care.” (To wreck the interior in the rear!)
“Runs so smooth, purrs like a cat.” (But sticks when changing gears.)
The well learned smile, the soothing voice, the salesman sees his chance.
“Let’s step inside, we’ll work it out, my dears you can always finance!”
(The hidden costs, no don’t mind those, just the way it’s done.)
“Sure come on in, have a seat, this is when it becomes fun!”
As usual the costs are more than they think they can afford.
(Of course if we didn’t start out doubled, we salesmen would get bored!)
“Now look here it’s just a bit more, I know just how you feel.
With a car like this, I’m the one who loses. Believe me this is a great deal!”
(Yes indeed I lose this bucket of bolts I’ve had to push.
Never mind the oil leak, or the tires have turned to moosh.)
“Well… because you seem so nice I’ll take this much off too.”
(There they are the happy smiles, too bad the jokes on you!)
The salesman he waves goodbye as the car drives off the lot.
Another couple, a little wide eyed, sees the new car in its spot.
“Hello, hello! Good afternoon!”(Sunset reflecting off of the wheel.)
“I’ve another buyer for this one but… you look nice, let’s make a deal!”

Too much Viagra and beer.
Too much Viagra and beer.
My wife was out of town,
I hit every club around.
Each time I'd hope to find
A horny woman here.
Country Bob's was the last club that was open.
Near blind drunk and horny, but I was still hopin'.
A pretty woman gave me a glance,
Smiled and said, "Nice pants.
Honey, I'm ridin' if you're ropin'."
A few hours later, I was in a Helluva mess
She's still ridin' hard and screamin', "God, this is the best!"
I was dizzy and light-headed. I had pains in my chest,
But she wouldn't stop long enough to call EMS.
When I came to, I was home in my own bed,
Next to my lovely wife; and this is what she said:
"I picked you up at Country Bob's, my dear;
And there's gonna be some changes around here.
You were fantastic last night;
So, I only think its right
If I supplement your diet
With Viagra and beer."
Viagra and beer. Viagra and beer.
She treats me like a king,
Says I make her body sing;
So, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.
Yes, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.
Submitted by: Buzz O'Words
Written: 3/3/14

Well, I moved into town to live like a city slicker,
Loaded my truck, found a place, and here I am,
Though a country boy has a head a bit thicker,
City life is not so hard to understand,
And I've been learnin' how to use a computor,
How to do some picture takin' with a cell phone,
How to get insurance for my truck and motor scooter,
But city life is nothing like back home,
Because where I come from, they call it the boonies,
Dirt roads, back woods, life as country as can be,
Though now I'm mixed in with all the town loonies,
They'll never take the country out of me,
Yea, I can still plant me a nice little garden,
Though not nearly as big as it use to be,
And still listen to country music, Dolly Parton,
She's on my coffee mug for all to see,
And I still get to do some dear huntin'
For those split tails runnin' 'round here,
And I make sure to keep my truck tuned and runnin'
By way of Auto Zone, or I'd run out of beer,
Yea, I livin' in the hood, straight from the boonies,
It's great be an American and free,
Though I'm mixed in good with all the town loonies,
They'll never take the country out of me,
Yea, I moved into town to live like a city slicker,
And I'm doin' the best that I can...
I can drive by Churchill Downs and hear the horses nicker,
I'm just a country boy with a city slicker plan,
I can drive by Churchill Downs and hear the horses nicker,
I'm still a country boy, yea, that's who I am,
Though a country boy has a head a bit thicker,
City life is not so hard to understand.

< dancing to the hit song monster mash
frankenstein and werewolf got real smashed
took the witches culdeen
and boiled up mummys spleen
Quasimodo joined in on the bash
witches brew of brains spleens gizzards hearts
illuminates party from it's start
Dracula and zombies
lurking for free bodies
poor old frankie's wife just fell apart
the bewitching dance came to its end
when bats flew in frenzy around den
on this all hallows eve
trickery was up sleeve
sent my 3 black cats in to defend

Chianti, Riesling, Chardonnay;
What kinda wine we gonna have today?
Pass that bottle, if you please -
I think I'll have a little more Chablis!
Swirl that stuff 'round in the glass...
Show 'em all that you got class!
Has it got the nose? Has it got the look?
Can you use it when you cook?
Wine, Wine, Wine
All hail the Grape Divine!
Wine, Wine, Wine
Makes everyone feel fine!
You got yours, and I got mine -
Wine, Wine, Wine, Wine, Wine!
Sniff that bouquet up yer nose;
"What's the Year, d'you suppose?"
Could be red, or could be white -
Either way, we're havin' wine tonight!
Truckin' on down to da liquor store;
Runnin' out - gotta get some more!
The folks at the counters all know my face -
I practically live down at the place!
Wine, Wine, Wine
All hail the Grape Divine!
Wine, Wine, Wine
Makes everyone feel fine!
You got yours, and I got mine -
Wine, Wine, Wine, Wine, Wine!
Tokay, Shiraz, Pinot Noir!
I ain't never seen so many wines before!
Step right up and take a little taste -
I ain't gonna let a single drop go to waste!
Wine, Wine, Wine
All hail the Grape Divine!
Wine, Wine, Wine
Makes everyone feel fine!
You got yours, and I got mine -
Wine, Wine, Wine, Wine, Wine!

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!
We’ll leave the frats, in the dust, and bring The Bun, merrily, along.
He had a great run, at Easter time, now he can let, the good times roll.
Who knows best, than a nest of Trolls, how to have, a really great time!
A Biker Bar should fill our sails, as we go, courting the best… of it all.
Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear…as merrily, off we go!
The beers great, the girls’ first rate, I’ll ride a full-blown Harley Hog.
To ride them down, across the town, my hair, flowing behind, in the air.
But first we’ll make a new drinking song, betting on, who’s best, by far.
Biker Dudes, Trolls enthused, raise their mugs in unity, again, once more!
Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!
It’s all fun, as with pool cues in hand, we try to, learn to play Eight Ball.
We’ll dance on the floor, and some on the bar, as rowdier we become.
But we’re the best, with glass in fist, as we sing our new… drinking song.
So don’t be glum! Here, come along, to laughter amid, such joyful fun.
Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!
We’ll have fun, then move along, as our song wins, and the tab is yours.
You can join, as comes, the next bar, and we’ll, start all over, once more!
It’s party time, until dawn, for Trolls can hold, great quantities of rum.
As drinking games come, we win every time, as the losers pay the bill.
Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those, Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear…as merrily, off we go!
(A drinking song for the pure fun it: sung like a pirate song clinking mugs.)

It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
All I want from Santa is some egg nog, bourbon and beer.
I'm gonna wait on Santa Christmas Eve night,
and when he's not lookin' I just might,
steal his reindeer.
It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
I'm sending out my Christmas cheer.
I'm gonna sit on my front porch swing and sing.
It will be a good thing to hear those jingle bells ring.
I thought I seen Santa on the backwoods bayou road,
but instead it was a big fat toad.
It'a a wonderful simple southern Christmas here.
Santa just brought me some egg nog, bourbon, and beer.
When he wasn't lookin' I stole his reindeer.
So now I can deliver my Christmas cheer.
But hurry, hurry, I'm in a rush,
got to give that reindeer a little push.
Got to go, got to go,
got to get home to fix my gumbo.
It is Christmas day,
and I'm in a rush I must say.
It's gonna be a simple southern Christmas here.
Just add egg nog, bourbon and beer.
Mix it up with some Christmas cheer.
I'm ready for Christmas every year.

Yes we don’t give a toss,
If your package is lost,
That’s logistics,
If it’s broken or bent,
Or has multiple dents,
That’s logistics,
If it’s fragile and breaks,
It was not our mistake,
That’s logistics,
Well you were not at home,
So we sent it to Rome,
That’s logistics!
So incredibly late,
That it’s gone out of date,
That’s logistics,
We don’t know where it went,
Are you sure it was sent?
That’s logistics,
Your parcels we’ll stash,
But we’ll still take your cash,
That’s logistics,
What an item on time?!
Oh no wait, it’s not mine,
That’s logistics!

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,
We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was so...hot & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...
Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her head...star-ted a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,
'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'
That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
leather-shoes...
(ya hoo)

The Mermaid Songs
Once upon a time, as school was coming to it’s yearly close.
We’d read about mermaids and their songs of Golden prose.
Now, the witch was over visiting and heard everybody’s sighs.
They so, wanted to sing with mermaids, and thru the waters glide.
Dragon was the worst, as he grabbed my mop top to become his hair.
Then he flew out to the lake dock, and began calling those ladies fair.
I began thinking how sad, if my Dragon never did meet this ladylove.
The witch, tears upon her face, then brought that, which he dreamt of.
It seems, while on her yearly travels, our witch once met a lovely mere.
Who was fascinated with the tales of Dragon, and the antics he did stir.
Suddenly, they were there together, a wish granted on a witch’s whim.
Dragon became so very quiet, as a first blush of shyness, ran over him.
The mermaid laughed and giggled as she took the mop from off, his head.
Then she sang a soulful song as she began to touch his wings and said...
Where I come from you’re a legend, a story of days, from, long, gone bye.
To this he just smiled. Yes, our Dragon had turned smitten, and so very shy.
It lasted only a moment; until she asked him, to please, take her to the sky.
Two dreams became one as they traveled the skies, and then the water nigh.
She also, met Dragons penguins, the first she had ever been able to meet.
Them from cold, and she from hot…now in the middle all were complete.
Suddenly the mermaid had the idea, to bring in more of her mere folk.
What? You thought they only sat, singing and giving their hair a stroke?
We invited the neighboring swim teams, accapella groups, and families.
And don’t forget the Glee Clubs, plus the Barber Shop Quartets, you see.
Actually, everybody came to do, even barbecues for Dragon and his guests.
Once a week all summer, the fun continued, but never the same, not once.
It was a summer to be made into legends, for all our days and those beyond.
And each time, we honored the witch, who’d let us learn the Mermaids songs.

Jolly voting weather
We are all europhiles
We’re very clever
And lie to you all the while
You fell for our promise especially the CAST IRON trick
We’re all from Eton, and you lot are all too thick.
If you think I’ll claim back powers,
You haven’t got a clue
We’ll hand the UK to Merkle,
There is nothing that you can do
No referendums Changes through on the nod
I am the PM and I’m a duplicitous sod
As for immigration
I know it gets on your tits
I will flood the nation
And pay their benefits
I am from Eton; I am one of the ruling class
If you don’t like it, you can just kiss my ****
If I agreed the Treaty
Things that it would amend
Required referendums
And that would be the end
We’d be out of Europe and that’s what the public crave
But I’m undemocratic, just call me dictator Dave
Clegg is making noises
Pretending he did not know
If he really meant it
Lib-Dems would pack up and go
There all in it together, and David is now all smiles
He has silenced the sceptics, with the aid of the Europhiles
This has been a carve up
Helped by Merkosy
They need our money
That is quite plane to see
They played out the charade so it looks as if Dave’s alone
But were still in the EU and we’ll pay for the Euro zone
Jolly voting weather
We are all Europhiles
We’ve silenced the sceptics
Look at their beaming smiles
There’s no referendum, the sceptics are really thick.
I am from Eton and those idiots missed the trick

I wouldn't wanna be anybody else, hey
You made me insecure, to me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge When you're a diamond in the rough
I'm sure you got some things You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me I wouldn't want to be anybody else
I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me You got every right to a beautiful life,
come on
Who says, who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me that's the price of beauty Who says you're not pretty Who says you're not beautiful, who says?
It's such a funny thing How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean But they keep whitin' out the the truth
It's like the work of art That never get to see the light Keep you beneath the stars Won't let you touch the sky
I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me You got every right to a beautiful life,
come on
Who says, who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful, who says?
Who says you're not star potential Who says you're not presidential Who says you can't be in movies Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don't pass the test
Who says you can't be the best Who said, who said?
Would you tell me who said that, yeah Who said
Who says, who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful, who says?
Who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me that's the price of beauty Who says you're not pretty Who says you're not beautiful, who says