Oh, and no, white people have not stopped acting a damn fool. But who’s really surprised by any of this? This is a reality black people in this country have long dealt with and have accepted to be true. We don’t like it, but we aren’t naïve to the truth—and the truth is white people in this country have an embedded hatred for us that eats away at that their souls and forces them to do stupid shit like call the police for no damn reason.

Now before you recite the intro to the new white national anthem, “not all white people,” or declare this post as some form of “reverse racism,” spare me. As I’ve stated before, I’m done separating the good ones from the bad ones. As we’ve seen with these recent “call the police on black folks” events, they don’t give black people that same courtesy—so I’m over giving them any.

In the newest episode of “Call the Police on Black People for No Damn Reason”, St. Louis seems to have made the cut once again. Two months after a false arrest at the Nordstrom’s in the Galleria, and Chesterfield’s ultimate donkey of the year incident, the alabaster people are up to no good again. This time, it was because 10 black students “allegedly” dined and dashed. While walking to a MetroLink stop after a late-night dinner—ten Washington University students—all black and incoming freshmen were stopped by the police.

Now if you’re wondering what police department is trending, I’ll let you in on a little secret ….it’s another white one. Apparently, there was yet another sad employee moonlighting as an undercover detective at the IHOP in Clayton. The IHOP employee called the police and made a false claim stating the students didn’t pay for their food before leaving.

Now this is where it gets good (and by good, I mean this is where we get to see just how being white can get you a job even if you’re a complete dumbass.)

Joining Chesterfield on the list of shitty police work, the Clayton police officers were showed receipts that the students had indeed paid for their food. This however was not deemed good enough proof; therefore, the students were forced to walk back to the restaurant (with six squad cars in tow of course) to show IHOP Ida or Ian that they were full of shit.

But wait though!

Remember when I said this was the good part? Well, here we go…

Once they arrived at the restaurant, the remedial IHOP restaurant manager who like Photo Polly of Saks Fifth Avenue Off the 5th, realized his employee’s Stevie Wonder investigative eyes may not have been as good as they thought. The manager then informed the Clayton SWAT team that the students whom they falsely accused, were in fact NOT the people who left without paying. Of course they weren’t, but you know what they were?

Yep, you guessed it ….black in Clayton!

It would appear the Clayton IHOP staff are still suffering from what I’d like to call “All Niggas Black Folks Look the Same” syndrome, while the trigger-happy Clayton Police are battling their “Can’t Wait to Shoot a Nigga Black Person” illness. By now, the new Barney Phifers of police had to pick their stupidity up off the floor. Without so much as an apology, the officers dismissed the students. Needless to say, we can all guess what happened here.

After being called out on their obvious racism, Clayton Police Chief Kevin R. Murphy came forward and pulled lines from the same racist script Bob McCullough delivered during the Mike Brown grand jury indictment speech.

“Certainly, I’m sorry they were inconvenienced and anxious about what happened. That was not our intent,” Murphy said.

What he really meant was we’re sorry that we got caught doing our usual Sunday-Saturday harassment of black folks—and we’re even more sorrier the whole world knows about it now.

University Associate Vice Chancellor Rob Wild chimed in with his disappointment by saying, “This is obviously extremely disappointing. Not how any of us would like to welcome our new students. They did not really appear to fit the description of the subjects other than being black.”

The University Vice Chancellor for Public Affairs, Jill Friedman followed suit and issued a statement alongside Wild expressing the university’s displeasure with Clayton’s handling and reaction to this whole situation. Both Friedman and Wild have both expressed their demands for an explanation and an apology. Since like most black people who’ve encountered this type of racism in St. Louis—I decided to give them one on behalf of Clayton Police:

To the 10 Black Students Who We Falsely Arrested,

We apologize for being complete dumbasses. We’re sorry that we were stupid enough to put ourselves in this predicament instead of harassing you quietly. We are even sorrier that you were completely unaware of the fact that the white citizens of Clayton prefer you not come into our neighborhood to dine, shop, live, attend school, breathe, or whatever it is you people do for fun. We would like to express our deepest regret for hiring racists who can’t identify what a paid receipt is. We will do better at selecting, training, and hiring people who don’t like black people and know how to keep our racism behind closed doors.

At this time, the officers who acted poorly and exposed us have been placed on administrative leave until we have finished investigating what we already know. Once the investigation is complete, we will be contacting the Starbucks corporate office, so we can have all our officers complete a racial-bias course. We understand it is 2018 and that you are free to go wherever you want in the city—but it appears you may be new to the “white only spots” in our racist community. We ask that you accept this apology for our negligence and in the future, we promise to hide our racism better.