You Tell, We Talk: Ask him whether he's ready to pop 'Q'

Q: I'm 32 and have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for four years. He is three years younger than me, but he's very mature. Our relationship is great, but I'm ready to get married. Neither of us has kids, and he is definitely the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and to start a family with. How do I persuade him to pop the question without it seeming like it's my idea or that I'm rushing him?

Yvette: You cannot persuade a man to propose, especially if he is not ready. It seems like you are afraid to ask him. Ask him. He can only say yes or no. It is an appropriate question to ask. Find the courage so you will know where you stand and how to proceed.

Joy: I believe you should be honest with your boyfriend and let him know you're ready for marriage. It's difficult to persuade a man to do something he's not ready to do. But if you're honest, you'll get a clear indication about the direction the relationship is heading. He might be just as ready as you are, or he might want more time. If so, don't get discouraged. You have a solid four years together, but only you know how long you're willing to wait to walk down the aisle.

Q: I had it all with my ex-girlfriend: same interests, attraction and friendship. But I messed up a month ago and slept with the girl I was dating before I became serious with her. So my girlfriend broke it off, and now she won't answer my calls, text messages or e-mails. I made a mistake, but I want her back. How can I prove to her that I've changed?

Yvette: Are you sure you are the one for her? I believe in forgiveness, but be honest with yourself: Maybe she's not the one for you. Next time, know before you take the plunge. Remember: Self-gratification is not always what you think it will be.

Joy: It takes much longer than a month to prove to someone you've changed. It's obvious you shared something special with your ex-girlfriend, but instead of appreciating it, you took her for granted. Personally, I think your ex is doing the right thing by putting you on the do-not-respond list, but sometimes being relentless in your pursuit can work miracles. If you honestly feel you're the man for her, don't give up, but make sure you come correct.

Q: I'm a 35-year-old man who is ready to settle down, but I continue to date the same type of woman. They are very attractive women, but they're materialistic party girls and want a man to take care of them. When I was younger, I didn't have a problem with that because I enjoyed showing them a good time, and when I was done, it was easy for me to move on. The problem is, I still date those types of women. I'm afraid if something doesn't change, I'll grow old and be alone.

Yvette: Where are you looking at the club? That's your first mistake. What looks good on the outside is not always good for you. Men are visual creatures by nature: You can tell by the first or second date if this is a person with whom you want to build a relationship. I really don't think you are ready for a relationship with anyone because you continue to date the same type of woman. When you are ready, you will know it in your heart. Take your time, if you truly believe you are ready; find a different group of ladies, not party girls. Have you tried church or a friend? You need to locate ladies in a different scene than the club. Maybe you need to grow up and be an adult.

Joy: I've always believed that you go not by what a person says but by their actions. The fact that you're still dating women you can't see yourself settling down with speaks volumes. Your actions show you're not ready, because when you are, upon initially meeting a woman, if she's lacking the basic attributes you want in your significant other, you won't waste your time. When you're able to do that, you'll know you're ready to be with a woman with some substance.

Joy Deja King is the author of best-selling hip-hop and urban genre novels including "Dirty Little Secrets," and the latest, "Trife Life to Lavish Part 2." Her books were on the Essence best-seller list for a year and at No. 1 for seven months in 2009. She co-hosts "Girl Talk," a weekly radio show about relationships, Wednesdays from 11 a.m.- noon on K-97.

Yvette George is a public relations professional, media consultant and longtime on-air personality. The two will answer questions from readers and folks they meet in their daily lives. Their responses reflect their different generations and points of view.