Chris Wallace, to Vice President Cheney, on "Fox News Sunday": "In July of 2007, when the president was having a medical procedure and was under anesthesia, you became the acting president for I think a couple of hours. And you wrote a letter to each of your grandchildren in which you said the following: 'My principal focus as vice president has been to protect the American people and our way of life. I ask of you as my grandchildren that you always strive in your lives to do what is right.' And you signed it, Grandpa Cheney.'"

THE VICE PRESIDENT: No, I thought he merited it at the time. (Laughter.) And we've since, I think, patched over that wound and we're civil to one another now

The AP lead: "Cheney says Biden hasn't asked for any VP advice."

SCOOP – ABC’s George Stephanopoulos – “Sources tell me that the Obama team's review of contacts with Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich will show that Rahm Emanuel had only one phone conversation with Blagojevich. The contact, described as a ‘pro-forma’ courtesy call, came as Emanuel was named Chief of Staff for Obama. Most of the discussion concerned Emanuel's Congressional seat (which had previously been held by Blagojevich), with only a ‘passing reference’ to the Senate vacancy, according to these sources. No deal for the Senate vacancy was discussed. ...

"The sources add that the report will show Emanuel also had four phone calls with Blagojevich Chief of Staff John Harris. During those conversations, the Senate seat was discussed. The pros and cons of various candidates were reviewed, and the sources say that Emanuel repeatedly reminded Harris that Blagojevich should focus on the message the pick would send about the governor and his administration. Sources also confirm that Emanuel made the case for picking Obama confidante Valerie Jarrett during at least one of the conversations. In the course of that conversation, Harris asked if in return for picking Jarrett, 'all we get is appreciation, right?' 'Right,' Emanuel responded.”

CHATTER: Yesterday afternoon, Biden spokeswoman Elizabeth Alexander finished her last Georgetown law school final ever.

EXCLUSIVE: Some of the best-known names in Democratic politics – Jenny Backus, Stephanie Cutter, Matthew Miller, Jennifer Palmieri and Howard Wolfson (alphabetical, guys) – are being considered as public faces of the new administration in top communications roles outside the White House. Like the recruitment of Jay Carney, these celebrity operatives are a reminder that the Obama presidency is breaking all sorts of conventions, including the professional life cycle that so often takes hot strategists from public service to the private sector for good.

We were told to add a speculative disclaimer at the top of this, so: This is what well-connected Dems are chattering about. It’s not set in stone.

Jenny Backus of Backus Consulting, who’s on Senator Daschle’s confirmation team, may remain with him as he assumes his health czar role.

Isaac Baker, one of the very few officials who crossed from Hillaryworld to the Obama campaign after the primaries, may be going to Commerce.

Stephanie Cutter, chief spokesperson for the transition, seems to be heading to Treasury to direct a savvy and reassuring communications effort on the cratering economy.

Matthew Miller, communications director of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (and University of Texas graduate!), is on Eric Holder’s confirmation team and could find himself behind the podium at Justice.

Although it may be news to her, Jennifer Palmieri – Clinton White House veteran and now acting CEO of the Center for American Progress Action Fund and senior vice president for communications at American Progress – is being considered for assistant secretary of defense for public affairs. This is different than the Geoff Morrell job. He briefs the press as Pentagon press secretary, and Secretary Gates has said he will stay in that role.

Ellen Qualls of Speaker Pelosi’s office is helping Steven Chu with his confirmation as energy secretary but will probably stay with the Speaker’s office, which will be very exciting next year.

Sean Smith, Obama’s Pennsylvania communications director for the general-election campaign and campaign manager on Senator Lieberman's 2006 reelection, will be the chief communicator at Homeland Security.

Howard Wolfson and Doug Hattaway are both possibilities for the delicate podium job at State. This is in Senator Clinton’s hands. There’s at least one wildcard candidate – someone who has not been mentioned in any story about the transition – so this apparently isn’t settled.

Democratic officials aren’t getting too far out there, but won’t wave you off the idea that Tommy Vietor may serve the president at OSHA. While it may not be as glamorous as the West Wing, it’s 9 to 5 and you get a comfortable keyboard.

TOP STORY: With the economic picture blackening, President-elect Barack Obama set a new goal this week of creating or saving 3 million jobs over the next two years, up from 2.5 million just a month ago, Democratic officials said Saturday. During the campaign, Obama had promised 1 million new jobs over an unspecified time. He bolstered that to 2.5 million over two years in his radio address just before Thanksgiving.

HOW IT HAPPENED: The president-elect decided to increase the size of his Economic Recovery Plan again after a meeting Tuesday in Chicago with his economic team. The meeting opened with Christina Romer, who will chair his Council of Economic Advisers, presenting updated economic forecasts, which have worsened since Obama's team originally formulated his plan.

PULLING BACK THE CURTAIN: Obama transition officials has been consulting Capitol Hill about the stimulus package since Wednesday. The transition officials held an all-day series of meeting Friday in the basement of the Capitol with a large number of House and Senate staffers where they discussed specific areas of the recovery plan, such as energy and education.

PUNDIT PREP – THE STIMULUS-SIZE NUMBERS ARE ALL OVER THE MAP IN THE PRESS – HERE ARE THE REAL NUMBERS: The president-elect's aides are contemplating a package of $675 billion to $775 billion over two years, and have acknowledged it could grow to $850 billion in the legislative process. While huge at a time when the nation is running a record budget deficit, that is still slightly more conservative than the $1 trillion advocated by some economists.

A HAT TRICK FOR PFEIFFER: N.Y. Times lead story: “Obama Expands Recovery Plans As Outlook Dims.” L.A. Times lead story: “Obama ups the ante on stimulus.” WashPost lead story: “Obama expands stimulus goals.”

PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA IS ON THE COVER OF NEWSWEEK (!) -- Release: "In the December 29, 2008-January 5, 2009 double issue of Newsweek (on newsstands Monday, December 22), 'The New Global Elite,' correspondents from around the world compile the first ever list of the world’s 50 most powerful people and explore their importance in the world today."

(Gee, sounds like the TIME 100.)

Newsweek Editor Jon Meacham writes in his editor's note: "Power in the early days of the Age of Obama is being shaped by three forces: a resurgence of American credibility, the global recession and what my colleague Fareed Zakaria calls 'the rise of the rest'--the emergence of countries such as India, China and Brazil. ... Some of this power is exerted directly (Obama's), some indirectly (David Axelrod's). We considered wealth, missiles, box office. Vladimir Putin is here (at No. 9) because of Russia's geopolitical clout, but no higher because his economy is cratering. And we tried to capture trends and power shifts--from the return of the state to the economy to the rise of Pentecostalism."

The prolific Mr. Meacham writes in a separate violin, setting up the issue: "[M]any began life in obscurity (see, for instance, the 44th president of the United States) and have risen to prominence through a combination of determination and good fortune. ... [P]ower in America and elsewhere is undergoing directional changes ... Yes, there are still cultural arbiters, and yes, presidents and lawmakers and executives obviously exert enormous influence. It is arguable, though, that technology has given us a more democratic culture (if not politics) than the world has seen since perhaps the founding of Athenian democracy. In ways that we are still only beginning to understand, the Internet is changing how power is accumulated and exercised."

NEW BABY -- Jack Doherty was welcomed into the world by the proud parents Amel and Brian Doherty (the intrepid Fox News producer).

THE BIG IDEA – N.Y Times Op-Ed – TRANSITIONS – “Financial Time Bombs: How to prepare for economic terrorism,” By Charles Duelfer, the former director of the Iraq Survey Group and the author of the forthcoming “Hide and Seek: The Search for Truth in Iraq,” and James Rickards, who was general counsel of the hedge fund Long-Term Capital Management and oversaw its rescue by the Federal Reserve:

"Al Qaeda has declared that damage to the American economy is its second most important goal after mass casualties. Presently, who would warn the White House if foreign entities made a concerted attack on our financial system? Who is charged with detecting such activity? The Obama administration needs to place a new priority on the national security implications of capital and commodities markets. The National Security Council needs to draw together the powerful talents and tools from segregated agencies to tackle the problem. ... The global financial meltdown is going to give our enemies new ideas to create economic havoc. We don’t have much time to plan our response."

--SCOOP – Politico’s Ben Smith and Glenn Thrush – Caroline “Kennedy, 51, introduces her views”: “Caroline Kennedy's first public policy positions demonstrate both the hazard and the luxury of coming to politics at age 51 with no record at all. Her stances on key issues, including same-sex marriage, Israel, and Iraq, seemed calibrated to appeal both to New York's governor, Democrat David Paterson, who will choose the next senator, and its voters, who will have their say in 2010, and again in 2012. But her answers also demonstrated her precarious political position as a Democrat who's also a protégé of Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who left the Democratic Party to chart a smoother path to City Hall and for years generously funded the local Republican Party in exchange for their ballot line.
“In answering seven of the eight questions Politico asked, Kennedy offered praise for Paterson's pledge not to raise taxes, opposed by many Albany Democrats, and which the governor himself appeared to back off away from today, and wouldn't commit to supporting Mayor Michael Bloomberg's Democratic challenger next year. She also joined Paterson in an issue that has emerged as close to the governor's heart, according to the answers sent by Kennedy spokesman Stefan Friedman: Support for ‘full equality and marriage rights’ for gay and lesbian couples, a stance that drew a cautiously optimistic response from the state's leading gay rights group.”

--N.Y. Times stuffs Nicholas Confessore at the bottom of page 47 in the Metro edition – “In Written Responses, Kennedy Offers Hints of a Platform, and a Few Surprises: Favors gay marriage; silent on Bloomberg’s third-term bid.”

--HARRY SIEGEL at THE DAILY BEAST on “Unknown Caroline”: “Caroline Kennedy’s campaign for the New York Senate seat to replace Hillary Clinton in what amounts to a race for one vote, that of Governor David Paterson, has turned professional with her hiring of Knickerbocker SKD, a political consulting firm headed by Josh Isay, former chief of staff to Sen. Charles Schumer, which amounts to an implicit acceptance, if not endorsement of her bid, by the state’s senior senator. The firm is also expected to do media work for Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s reelection run next year, and several of the mayor’s people have been burning up the lines pushing her bid. Knickerbocker SKD also happens to have another client—the Rev. Al Sharpton, with whom Kennedy just had a media-event lunch. Adding to the pressure on Paterson, Rahm Emanuel and Harry Reid are reported to have called to push for Kennedy, doubtless having checked in with Schumer before stepping on his turf.”

THE WHITE HOUSE RESPONDS:

--N.Y. Times A1, “The Reckoning” series – “‘Ownership society’: White House Philosophy Stoked Mortgage Bonfire," By Joe Becker, Sheryl Gay Stolberg and Stephen Labaton: "Eight years after arriving in Washington vowing to spread the dream of homeownership, Mr. Bush is leaving office, as he himself said recently, 'faced with the prospect of a global meltdown' with roots in the housing sector he so ardently championed. There are plenty of culprits, like lenders who peddled easy credit, consumers who took on mortgages they could not afford and Wall Street chieftains who loaded up on mortgage-backed securities without regard to the risk. But the story of how we got here is partly one of Mr. Bush’s own making, according to a review of his tenure that included interviews with dozens of current and former administration officials. From his earliest days in office, Mr. Bush paired his belief that Americans do best when they own their own home with his conviction that markets do best when let alone. ... Mr. Bush did foresee the danger posed by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the government-sponsored mortgage finance giants. ... As early as 2006, top advisers to Mr. Bush dismissed warnings from people inside and outside the White House that housing prices were inflated and that a foreclosure crisis was looming. And when the economy deteriorated, Mr. Bush and his team misdiagnosed the reasons and scope of the downturn; as recently as February, for example, Mr. Bush was still calling it a 'rough patch.' The result was a series of piecemeal policy prescriptions that lagged behind the escalating crisis."

--A senior White House official: "NYT 'reporting' amounted to finding quotes to support the story they intended to write all along, and disregarding anything that didn't fit. To prove the point, when they filed their story, NYT reporters were completely unfamiliar with the President's prime time address to the nation where he laid out in detail all of the causes of the housing and financial crises. For example, the President highlighted a factor that economists agree on: that the most significant factor leading to the housing crisis was cheap money flowing into the U.S. from rest of the world, so that there was no natural restraint on flush lenders to push loans on Americans in risky ways. He also explained the failure of financial institutions to do normal due diligence in buying and selling new financial products -- a market failure that almost no one saw as it was happening. That the NYT ignored such an important speech to the American people and the complex causes of the crises is gross negligence, but typical for the NYT.

"The story also gives kid glove treatment to Congress. While the Administration was pushing for more transparent lending rules and reining in Fannie and Freddie, Congress for years blocked attempts at stronger regulation and blocked reform of the Federal Housing Administration. Democratic leaders brazenly encouraged Fannie and Freddie to loosen lending standards and play a larger and larger role in the housing market -- even while explicitly acknowledging the risks. And while the story notes the political contributions of some banks to Republicans, it neglects that political contributions from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac overwhelmingly supported Democratic officials -- in particular the chairmen of the banking committees. Anyone can accept that hindsight is 20-20. In this case, NYT had hindsight with blinders on and one eye closed."

43 ADIOS:

--Tom Bevan and John McIntyre of Real Clear Politics interview the President: “‘I am the very last President not to really have to worry about YouTube’ while campaigning for the White House, President Bush told RealClearPolitics in an exclusive Oval Office interview last week, discussing the role the Internet and new media played in the November 4th elections. … President Bush said his was ‘a transition administration in terms of information,’ adding that when it comes to fluency with the Internet, President-elect Obama ‘brings an awareness to the Oval Office that, frankly, I didn't have.’ … The President said he thought Democrats had taken the lead over Republicans in using information technology to their advantage in the political arena, pointing out that they had done an effective job at copying the GOP's recent success of ‘micro-targeting’ voters and getting them to the polls.

--Wall Street Journal columnist Kimberly A. Strassel, “Bush on His Record : The president defends his democracy agenda and his economic interventionism” – “George W. Bush is as he has ever been: upbeat, focused, confident in his past decisions and in the future. This is remarkable given the up and downs -- lately downs -- of his administration. Through it all, the president has acted on his own convictions, a trait that has inspired both violent critics and passionate defenders. In a more than hour-long interview, Mr. Bush tells me about his tenure. He ticks off his personal list of domestic achievements: No Child Left Behind, which he says was not only an ‘education reform’ but a ‘civil rights measure’; a costly Medicare prescription-drug program, which also created health-savings accounts and put ‘people in charge of their own health-care decisions’; his faith-based initiative, which he says was not about making the state a ‘religious recruiter’ but about creating a government mentality that says ‘if it works, fund it’; his tax cut, which he credits in part for ‘52 months of uninterrupted job growth.’ He also is proud of ‘fighting off protectionism and promoting trade,’ and his success at getting Trade Promotion Authority back in 2002.”

--WashTimes lead story, “Legacy: Bush claims civil rights gains: Trusts history to judge his record,” By Joseph Curl: “Declaring Barack Obama's election a ‘very hopeful moment for race relations,’ President Bush asserts his own administration did much to empower minorities, calling the No Child Left Behind education law ‘a piece of civil rights legislation’ and saying his call to overhaul Social Security was aimed at giving blacks a greater stake in the nation's future. In a wide-ranging Oval Office interview with The Washington Times, the president also laid out the challenges facing Mr. Obama. ‘The international economic turmoil ... will affect a lot of his early presidency,’ Mr. Bush said. He also warned of a looming war with drug cartels where ‘the front line of the fight will be Mexico’ and dismissed as ‘urban myth’ a commonly held belief that he squelched dissenting opinion among his advisers.”

--Some people are wondering about the fascination with comments by the President with regards to mistakes, when he said in an address to the nation on Jan. 10, 2007, on Iraq: “Where mistakes have been made, the responsibility rests with me.”

--WashPost A1 – “Bush E-Mails May Be Secret a Bit Longer: Legal Battles, Technical Difficulties Delay Required Transfer to Archives,” By R. Jeffrey Smith: “The required transfer in four weeks of all of the Bush White House's electronic mail messages and documents to the National Archives has been imperiled by a combination of technical glitches, lawsuits and lagging computer forensic work, according to government officials, historians and lawyers. Federal law requires outgoing White House officials to provide the Archives copies of their records, a cache estimated at more than 300 million messages and 25,000 boxes of documents depicting some of the most sensitive policymaking of the past eight years. But archivists are uncertain whether the transfer will include all the electronic messages sent and received by the officials, because the administration began trying only in recent months to recover from White House backup tapes hundreds of thousands of e-mails that were reported missing from readily accessible files in 2005. … White House spokesman Scott M. Stanzel said last week that ‘we are making significant progress in accounting for the e-mail records stored on our computer network.’ But he declined to say how many e-mails remain missing or to predict how long the recovery will take because the issue is the subject of ongoing litigation.”

INAUGURATION SPEED READ:

- Pastor Rick Warren, defending his inauguration role in remarks to a crowd of 500 at the Muslim Public Affairs Council's annual convention in Long Beach, Calif.: “You don't have to see eye to eye to walk hand in hand.”

--George Stephanopoulos predicts on his roundtable on ABC's "This Week" that a gay or lesbian will get A PROMINENT ROLE at the inauguration.

BIDEN SPEED READ:

--Politico’s Carol E. Lee: “ Vice President-elect Joe Biden announced Sunday that he will chair a task force charged with determining the status of the middle class—whether it's growing or shrinking, better or worse off. It will be Biden's first major task as vice president. ‘And we'll look at everything from college affordability to after school programs—the things that affect people's daily lives,’ Biden said in an interview [in Wilmington] airing Sunday on ABC's ‘This Week with George Stephanopoulos.’ ‘I will be the guy honchoing that policy.’ Biden characterized his leading the task force as ‘a discrete job that is going to last only for a certain period of time.’ He also said he will focus on another area he knows well—foreign policy—and defended his lack of visibility so far during the transition. ‘Every single solitary appointment he has made thus far I have been in the room,’ Biden said of President-elect Barack Obama. ‘The recommendations I have made in most cases coincidentally have been the recommendations that he's picked. Not because I made them but because we think a lot alike. I have been there for every one of those meetings.’ The middle class task force will include Labor Department Director Hilda Solis, Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Daschle and Education Secretary Arne Duncan—all of whom have been nominated—as well as the appointed director of the Office of Management and Budget, Peter Orszag, Biden said.”

--MUZZLE OFF – Also Politico’s Carol E. Lee: “Barack Obama’s transition team has kept Joe Biden under wraps longer than any vice-president going back at least 20 years – longer even than Dan Quayle. Biden’s first interview as vice president-elect airs Sunday on ABC’s ‘This Week with George Stephanopoulos’ – 47 days after the election, setting a modern record.”

MICHELLE OBAMA SPEED READ:

--Chicago Tribune, front-page photo key, “Michelle Obama, the role model: Her achievements stand out, but Michelle Obama’s working-class Chicago roots are familiar. In her story— lawyer, mother, partner, leader—advocates see a role model for young African-American women.”

--More Chicago Tribune, “In Michelle Obama’s rise, stereotypes fall: Black women see a model in first lady,” By Dahleen Glanton: “Obama is an affirmation that black women can have a successful marriage, a family and a career, despite a bombardment of messages over the last two decades that it is not possible, according to Tarshia Stanley, an English professor who teaches a course on media images at Spelman College, a historically black college for women in Atlanta. Music videos and rap music, she said, have helped shape the identities of many young black women.”

TRANSITION SPEED READ:

-- WashPost A1, “Optimism High About Obama Policies, Poll Finds: Majorities Concur on Economy, but Rifts Abound on Initial Priorities,” By Jon Cohen and Jennifer Agiesta: “Most Americans are optimistic about the policies that Barack Obama will pursue when he becomes the country's 44th president next month, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll, and there is a widespread public desire that he quickly expand his focus beyond the economy, the dominant issue facing the country. Majorities think Obama should help make major changes to the health-care system, enact new energy policies and institute a moratorium on home foreclosures. Majorities expect him to end U.S. involvement in Iraq, improve health care and turn around America's image abroad. But there is little consensus about where he should focus his efforts first, and partisan fault lines abound, setting up a potentially contentious period of initial lawmaking.”

--“Obama’s revolution on climate change” – Lead story of The (British) Observer (Sunday sister of The Guardian): “Leading green scientist joins team -- Appointment signals new US policy”: “Barack Obama ushered in a revolution in America's response to global warming yesterday when he appointed one of the world's leading climate change experts as his administration's chief scientist. … News of the appointment was hailed by scientists around the world.”

PAY-ROD:

– Chicago Tribune, front-page lead: “The case against the governor: With conspiracy charges, plotting is a crime, experts say -- Defenders of Gov. Rod Blagojevich say the government’s undercover recordings are all talk and no action, but veteran criminal-defense lawyers say that still would pose legal danger for the governor. In a conspiracy case, just two people have to agree to commit a crime; the corrupt deal doesn’t have to be completed, they say.” Chicagoland, p. 1: “’Talk’ in federal tapes has weight, experts say.”

--PALACE INTRIGUE – TWO THEORIES THAT CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT -- AP/Chicago, “Senate-for-sale case threatens new chief of staff,” By Brett J. Blackledge and Tammy Webber: “Emanuel did contact the governor's office about the appointment and left Blagojevich with the impression that he was pushing Valerie Jarrett, a close Obama friend, so he wouldn't have to compete with her in the White House for Obama's attention, said a person close to Blagojevich. … Emanuel's effort to promote Jarrett or anyone else for Obama's vacant Senate seat was more a part of his new job description and less a reflection of close ties, Emanuel's supporters have said.”

THE CRISIS:

--BREAKING – For Monday papers -- AP, “Executive Bailouts: AP study finds $1.6B went to bailed-out bank execs,” By Frank Bass and Rita Beamish: “Banks that are getting taxpayer bailouts awarded their top executives nearly $1.6 billion in salaries, bonuses, and other benefits last year, an Associated Press analysis reveals. The rewards came even at banks where poor results last year foretold the economic crisis that sent them to Washington for a government rescue. Some trimmed their executive compensation due to lagging bank performance, but still forked over multimillion-dollar executive pay packages.”

--N.Y. Times A1: “In Need of Cash, More Companies Cut 401(k) Match – Some End Contribution.”

--SCOOP – Politico’s Daniel Libit talks to New Gingrich: “Of the names bandied about as 2012 Republican presidential frontrunners, Gingrich had been most effusive in his praise of Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal. But Jindal recently announced that he would not seek the presidency next time. … ‘We’ll see,’ is Gingrich’s response, when asked if he’d consider running. ‘I’ll look at it in January 2011.’”

--REPUBLICANS ARE PSYCHED ABOUT – DELAWARE LEGISLATURE – The (Wilmington) News Journal: “House Democrats lost their chance at a three-fifths majority after Republican Tom Kovach was elected to replace former District 6 Rep. Diana McWilliams on Saturday.”

ALEX CONANT SAYS: This is five Republican wins in a row since Nov 4.

DATAPOINT -- The (London) Observer front page – “Church [of England] attendance 'to fall by 90%': In one of the most holy weeks in the Christian calendar, a report says that in just over a generation the number of people attending Church of England Sunday services will fall to less than a tenth of what they are now. Christian Research, the statistical arm of the Bible Society, claimed that by 2050 Sunday attendance will fall below 88,000, compared with just under a million now.”

DESSERT – The (London) Sunday Times, front page – “Amazon asked its staff to bare their bottoms: STAFF at Amazon, the online shopping giant, say it pressured them to drop their trousers for a mass mooning photograph as a response to last weekend’s report in The Sunday Times about arduous working conditions at its Marston Gate warehouse in Bedfordshire. Staff at the warehouse said managers claimed the idea of the photograph came from Jeff Bezos, Amazon’s American founder. One said: ‘The managers called everyone in and said they were going to have “a little bit of Christmas fun and lighthearted spirit” in response to the article. It was to say “up yours to the papers”, that it was good working there and not as bad as it’s made out.’ Another source said: ‘They were sending the supervisors to try to persuade people on a one-to-one basis. It’s ludicrous and a lot of the staff are upset about it.’ More than 200 staff were eventually photographed — but waving to the camera instead of mooning. ‘The management were shouting “share the love” as the photographer took the pictures,’ said an employee. ‘It was excruciating.’ Amazon said: ‘This is something we are not aware of but it sounds like something that would have been said in jest.’”

GM's CEO, despite his refusal to do the rational thing, and resign, has announced that he has personally developed and completed a plan to assure GM's survival in the marketplace. He has allocated $5B of the 'bailout' funds to a marketing company owned by his wife, which will 'develop color schemes for our monster cars and trucks which will make them appear smaller', and 'use actors with deeper, raspier voices, and tattooed ears, eyelids and genitalia in our truck and SUV commercials, to make them appear more masculine, and have them kicking dogs and cops in the a**, out of their way as they trek across the boondocks of the Good Old US of A, thus making our products more desirable to our customer base'. Rick has also assigned $5B to his own personal PR firm 'to create the impression of GM as a progressive, green, corporation on a fast-track to success, or whatever the buzz-words are at the time', to 'insure that we get more taxpayer funds by February, because we're gonna be broke again by the time we pay the January and February executive bonuses'. In addition, on the technical side, Wagoner has decreed that all GM vehicles have larger diameter wheels and tires on the rear than on the front, 'In order that they will always be going downhill, thus increasing their mileage and reducing global warming'. Sounds like Rick Wagoner has really put his best efforts on this problem.

Doesn't it seem silly that there is so much conversation, MSM space and time, and Web pixels being devoted to the price of the Illinois Senate seat previously known as 'Hillary's', and the possible tag on the Governor's seat currently known as 'Blagovedick's', while, simultaneously, most of the nation seems ready to deliriously cheer Obama taking a seat for which he paid almost ONE BILLION DOLLARS!? Of OUR money!!

Based on the amazing list of people and organizations who got their butts ripped off by Bernie Madoff's con and hustle, the assembly of the nation's 'Best and Brightest' in the Obama administration should make the new US government a perfect target for a scam. National security forces should concentrate on preventing Osama and Al Qaeda from successfully applying to the new Small Business Administration or the Treasury for a Several-Trillion-Dollar loan or grant 'To increase employment in small cells located throughout the US, in small villages and towns, as well as major metropolitan centers'.

So Caroline Kennedy is in favor of increasing government programs, reducing taxes, helping the Jews achieve 'Israel Uber Alles', supplying taxpayer-funded tin cups for NYC dog owners whose pets are averse to peeing on fire hydrants, providing 'life-long' pregnancy leaves for expectant mothers, and corresponding leaves for gays and lesbians for 'self-abuse' sabbaticals, allowing tax credits for fees paid 'prostitutes of any sex', for Washington politicians 'of all sexes', and giving special 'vote bonuses' during elections of 25% of ballots counted, to 'the candidate chosen as 'best panderer'', by a panel of political peers-to-be.

Worry about Bin Ladden committing economic terrorism? It seems we are doing quite well without Al Qaeda's help. With folks like Maddoff and Bank exec doing all of the work for them, why should they worry? We have met the enemy and they are us.