Sparing The Rod Sex Abuse May Grab The Headlines But The Physical Abuse Of Children Prompts Some To Ask The Question 'To Spank Or Not To Spank?'

March 21, 1985|by ROSA SALTER, The Morning Call

Dr. Ann Ward remembers trying to hire a babysitter for her young daughter. "I want you to know that I spank," the woman said.

Sorry, Dr. Ward replied. "I have nothing against your values, but I don't, and I'd rather not employ you."

To Dr. Ward, a psychology professor at Cedar Crest College, the incident stands out in sharp relief.

It divides her from some parents, but puts her firmly among a growing group of parents and professionals who believe violence has no place in the raising of a child.

"To spank or not to spank" may seem like a question straight out of the baby books of the '50s. But a generation later, it's as hot an issue as ever.

While sexual abuse of children may have grabbed the media limelight, physical abuse remains by far the most common reason cases are referred to child welfare officials.

In fact - and though the margin is quickly narrowing - there are still three reported cases of physical abuse for every local report of sexual abuse.

Why, 30-odd years after Dr. Benjamin Spock prescribed sparing the rod, do parents still inflict physical harm on their children? Where do you draw the line between "discipline" and abuse? And are there other, less violent alternatives for dealing with children's troubling behavior?

Those, Dr. Ward acknowledges, are perplexing questions. But they are ones that parents still struggle with.

Terri St. John of Bethlehem, director of the Lehigh Valley chapter of the American Cancer Society and mother of a 2-year-old, is one of them. About a year ago she joined the national Parenting for Peace and Justice Network, even trying to start a local chapter. The nonprofit group publishes a newsletter in which parents share non-violent, noncompetitive and creative child-rearing ideas.

"They come at (child-raising) from a perspective. Not of punishment but of reinforcing positive behavior so that you don't get to the point of always being negative with each other," Mrs. St. John explained.

Mrs. St. John is not alone in her concern. Just last year, a group of Lehigh Valley parents - including several Quakers who make nonviolence a way of life - banded together to set up a new private school - one whose founding tenets included a statement that corporal punishment would never be used.

In Northampton County, psychologist Chuck Confer teaches foster parents how to avoid using physical punishment with children in their care - in light of a still-controversial 1982 state rule banning it.

And with pediatrics nurse Ginger Godley, Dr. Ward has designed a noncredit, non-violent parenting course given through Cedar Crest's Women's Center. Called "Non-violent Child rearing," the course examines underlying attitudes that can lead parents to violence and explores more peaceful ways of bringing children to adulthood.

As sure as the Terrible Twos give way to the merely Trying Threes, ideas about what makes good child rearing are changing.

"Twenty or thirty years ago, when we were children, if a kid came to school with a black eye, and you said, 'What happened?' and he said, 'My old man beat me up,' nobody would have thought anything of it," Dr. Ward said. "Today, if the same thing happened, the teacher might very well suspect child abuse."

Ward doesn't mean to alarm parents. And local child abuse experts say they use very narrowly defined legal criteria to determine if a child has been physically abused. An occasional slap on the behind doesn't cause the "severe pain" or impairment of function that officials use to judge physical abuse.

"We're not encouraging someone who just sees somebody slap a child or yank a child in a supermarket to report it," said Nancy Farley, director of Northampton County Office of Children and Youth Services.

But, Farley added, since the mid-1970s, when state child abuse laws were strengthened, the abuse-reporting obligations of teachers and others who come into contact with children have increased. And that has meant a greater societal scrutiny of many child-rearing practices

"We see a lot of (cases) where parents say they are disciplining, yet are actually inflicting abuse," said Ed Herman, director of social services in Lehigh County's Office of Children and Youth.

"They may see it as forming the character of the child, but often it's their rationalization of their treatment of the child."

Herman says the intent of the parent - for example, disciplining a child - doesn't make any difference when child welfare workers judge whether a child has been abused. The seriousness of the injury is the deciding factor.

And today, many experts question whether even a slap on the bottom is necessary - or helpful - as discipline. "I'll take the extreme position," said Dr. Ray Seckinger, an Allentown child psychologist specializing in abuse cases since 1969. "I don't think physical punishment is ever effective.

"You don't need to use a rod or spank," he continued. "That's when the parent is out of control."