Wednesday, 27 April 2016

World Beer Cup An Actual Thing Insist Professional Alcoholics!

Hundreds of brewers and beer professionals are insisting to their partners that the World Beer Cup is an actual, real event and not just an excuse to go to the USA and get hammered.

Kylo Ren of Spoon and Beer Brewery in New Zealand has spent literally days trying to convince his wife that he's not on a weeks jolly but will actually be hard at work 'judging' beers because it's very serious business and he's very important like that. He even had to go on telly in NZ to explain just how important he was in the beer world!

Kylo Ren : Brewing very serious business.

Kylo's wife looked at him unbelieving and rolled her eyes saying 'alright then, you can go and play with the other boys'.
'Not playing. Working!' insisted Kylo, turning a shade of crimson knowing that his family had seen right through him!

Professional Offendotron, Meredith Coal will also be judging at the WBC and took to Twatter to explain why. 'The men cannot be seen to be having all the fun and i just won't let them!' Then she went back to ruining Bacon dishes with Asparagus and taking duck face selfies on Instagrot. Her husband wasn't allowed to be available for comment.

Organisers of the WBC have defended the brewers and professional drunks that are attending the competition saying on the WBC website...

Evaluating beer happens on so many levels. You have the professionals who can drink in their sleep; then there are the blaggers who like to pretend they know what they're talking about and finally you have the weaklings who have to lie down and have beer poured over them in order for them to keep drinking all day long.

The results are public so everyone can see which of these industry professionals are lightweights and which are hardcore boozehounds. Last man standing wins.

When professional alcoholics acknowledge other professional alcoholics the public can be sure that the beer they are drinking is made by someone who can handle their drink and not some fly-by-night city boy with a new toy brewery!

No one at the WBC could confirm whether or not influential, king beer blagger, Pedro Brune would be available to judge this year as they are still looking for him under a mountain of beer cans; sightings have been rare recently but there have been rumours that one of his dizzying array of dodgy mid-life shirts was recently spotted in Belgium. The search continues as there ain't no party like a Pedro Brune party.

When asked if half-witted beer blagger, Rancidbarfly would be involved to make up the special needs judges quota, the organisers were quick to answer, Who the fuck is Rancidbarfly and why haven't we heard of him before?