how do you communicate to your partner that you want/need to have things a bit rougher sometimes? i'm not having much luck and am too shy to ask straight out.

I get the shyness, but if it's something you can work to overcome I think you may be happier. Stepping outside your comfort zone is very difficult but can often be very rewarding.

During sex when your partner is rougher, moan and say something like "oh baby, that's so hot when you spank me like that." maybe add, "it makes me feel hot like a slut!"

Outside of sex you can make comments like, "I just can't stop thinking about how forceful you were last night," (even if he wasn't as forceful as you'd like) "I can't believe what a turn on it was! I wonder what would happen if you pushed a little harder next time?"

I know that for many the appeal of this fantasy is to NOT have to take reappnsibility for expressing "forbidden desires" so it makes it harder to speak up about what you like or do not. I had trouble when I first started dating my Dom/husband. Once I got past it we started talking about everything. Twelve years now and there is no hesitation for me to tell him that I would love to be forced by two men, mouth and vagina, and he has no trouble telling me his hang ups about another man's cock being near him. The open communication adds a level if intimacy I've never experienced with anyone else.

You might also try watching movies (maybe porn?) that have stronger male roles or rape scenes and either speak up, "Mmm is it fucked up that this is turning me on?" or simply take his hand and SHOW him how turned on it makes you.

As long as I can remember I've had fantasies ranging from romantic male lead pushing me down to faceless brute tearing into me in a back alley (rape is wrong, but like many I have "rape fantasies"). I play in SL sometimes and my profile states:
"No" means, yes.
((No)) means, no.

I've had dreams of being captured and used by whatever captors chose to come use me. Battered and abuses and humiliated. I've experienced enough pain and humiliation to be very aware of the disconnect between my fantasy and the reality, but I guess the body doesn't always listen to the brain when it comes to sexual stimulation.

When it comes to forceful play I need only turn a bit away from my Dom and proclaim that I'm too tired, the kids wore me out, maybe another night. He pulls back on my hip with a sharp motion, I'd probably feel his cock against my ass cheeks, just a brush. He'll reach up then and grab the back of my neck and pull me around to him, shifting his hand to my hair. I'm wet by this point. Totally ready for him to take me.

He loves receiving oral so he starts there. It doesn't matter that my neck gets sore when he forces me to suck him from this angle. He pushes deeper each time, he pushed past my gag reflex, pulling back only after I've heaved once or twice. The experience just makes me try and take him deeper without his push.

After he is ready he might pull me to the side of the bed and bend me over it. Holding my hair or my arms/wrists and fucking me hard. He cares if my legs are hurt by the bedframe but he doesn't let that stop him because he knows how I love him taking over.

Or he might pull me on top of him and pinch my nipples and grip my pubic hair and command me to writhe for him. "Ride my cock, slut, if you do well I may let you cum for me."

Mmm. What were we talking about?

Oh yeah. I also love the idea of bein forced to please his friends or a stranger. He is aware of my fantasy (we talk about everything) and uses that to work me up during our play.

There is nothing I love more then being taken forcefully, one of exs was AMAZING at this! Some of the best mindblowing sex has come after I've been at work all day, in a bad mood and suddenly he was all over me, coercing me. Don't get me wrong, I have been known to take control of the situation very happily at times, but nothing quite beats a horny guy holding your hands above your head and taking advantage of you.

There are a lot of posts on here I agree with and this one is very hot. I have done that before and she wanted to talk about her day, but I was so horny I just over powered her and fucked her against the counter. It was really what she needed more than me due to her stressful day. We did talk later.

Yes the forced sex has to be in a relationship where there is trust, caring, and consensual play, but when all of that is there it is wonderful.

I have a lot of thoughts on the "forced sex" theme. Here are a few of them:

1. When you are in a new relationship and you both just can't keep your hands off each other, it is so very easy to do the forced sex. That is when I take my girl to new boundaries...fuck her in front of the window, pin her against the stairwell wall, reach into her panties in the car while putting my hand over her mouth, etc etc.

2. There is something about the WAY a woman looks at me who is my partner that just gets my blood flowing and makes me want to "take" her right then and there. Some women pretend to not know what is going on, but in reality they started it with their look, smile, sway of their hips, etc. In my case I get a bit angry that she can do that to me and I just want to fuck her silly! NOT to hurt her but just to relieve all the tension that comes with all those emotions.

When I "force" her and I am in this mood, she gets a bit scared but very turned on at the same time. That really increases the intensity for us both and when it is over and we are looking at the mess of ripped clothes and messed up furniture; I look at her and tell her I really enjoyed it, sorry if I was a bit rough. She kisses me back so passionately that I know she loved it and wants me to do it again.... It starts all over again.

I get the shyness, but if it's something you can work to overcome I think you may be happier. Stepping outside your comfort zone is very difficult but can often be very rewarding.

During sex when your partner is rougher, moan and say something like "oh baby, that's so hot when you spank me like that." maybe add, "it makes me feel hot like a slut!"

Outside of sex you can make comments like, "I just can't stop thinking about how forceful you were last night," (even if he wasn't as forceful as you'd like) "I can't believe what a turn on it was! I wonder what would happen if you pushed a little harder next time?"

I know that for many the appeal of this fantasy is to NOT have to take reappnsibility for expressing "forbidden desires" so it makes it harder to speak up about what you like or do not. I had trouble when I first started dating my Dom/husband. Once I got past it we started talking about everything. Twelve years now and there is no hesitation for me to tell him that I would love to be forced by two men, mouth and vagina, and he has no trouble telling me his hang ups about another man's cock being near him. The open communication adds a level if intimacy I've never experienced with anyone else.

You might also try watching movies (maybe porn?) that have stronger male roles or rape scenes and either speak up, "Mmm is it fucked up that this is turning me on?" or simply take his hand and SHOW him how turned on it makes you.

Yes, yes, yes - you have some very good points here - it's often the problem to detect the level of craving for submission and your line of questions and suggestions certainly is a good way of getting to the right point - thanks for sharing

As long as I can remember I've had fantasies ranging from romantic male lead pushing me down to faceless brute tearing into me in a back alley (rape is wrong, but like many I have "rape fantasies"). I play in SL sometimes and my profile states:
"No" means, yes.
((No)) means, no.

I've had dreams of being captured and used by whatever captors chose to come use me. Battered and abuses and humiliated. I've experienced enough pain and humiliation to be very aware of the disconnect between my fantasy and the reality, but I guess the body doesn't always listen to the brain when it comes to sexual stimulation.

When it comes to forceful play I need only turn a bit away from my Dom and proclaim that I'm too tired, the kids wore me out, maybe another night. He pulls back on my hip with a sharp motion, I'd probably feel his cock against my ass cheeks, just a brush. He'll reach up then and grab the back of my neck and pull me around to him, shifting his hand to my hair. I'm wet by this point. Totally ready for him to take me.

He loves receiving oral so he starts there. It doesn't matter that my neck gets sore when he forces me to suck him from this angle. He pushes deeper each time, he pushed past my gag reflex, pulling back only after I've heaved once or twice. The experience just makes me try and take him deeper without his push.

After he is ready he might pull me to the side of the bed and bend me over it. Holding my hair or my arms/wrists and fucking me hard. He cares if my legs are hurt by the bedframe but he doesn't let that stop him because he knows how I love him taking over.

Or he might pull me on top of him and pinch my nipples and grip my pubic hair and command me to writhe for him. "Ride my cock, slut, if you do well I may let you cum for me."

Mmm. What were we talking about?

Oh yeah. I also love the idea of bein forced to please his friends or a stranger. He is aware of my fantasy (we talk about everything) and uses that to work me up during our play.

Would love to hear more about how you please his friends and whether this is arranged long ahead or something happening whenever the opportunity is there and with which friends - good friends or just casual friends....tell more, please - you sound like a true submissive slut...

Would love to hear more about how you please his friends and whether this is arranged long ahead or something happening whenever the opportunity is there and with which friends - good friends or just casual friends....tell more, please - you sound like a true submissive slut...

So far we've only gone as far as him sending me to please someone with cyber or voice sex. We have talked about our comfort levels, me craving to suck cock but unsure about condom/dental dam, him saying he can't see man abstaining with other partners only to be limited to oral with me. He's taking steps in feeling more comfortable with sharing his toys. At the moment the idea is used as erotic talk during sex.

Last night, for example, he was playing with my pussy, rubbing my clit, his other hand over my head to restrain the arm on the side opposite him. He was talking to me, quiet and gruff in my ear, suggesting taking a picture of my pussy and making me use it as my avatar here and on Skype. He asked how I would feel knowing anyone, registered or not, could see me like that. Of course he could FEEL what the idea did to me.

Then he suggested blindfolding me and putting a headset on, his laptop beside us, so I wouldn't know if the Skype call he initiated was just voice or voice and video. He asked how I would feel knowing another man might be stroking himself while listening to me getting toyed with? How did I feel knowing he might SEE me orgasming for master? He could tell I was getting seriously worked up over the idea but he made me say it, made me beg for it, made me face my dirty little desires and embrace them. Then he ordered me to cum, and I did, with his wet fingers teasing my clit still. I came hard, he had to order me to let go of his cock cause he knows what I can get like when I come that hard, I forget myself and might be too rough for his tastes.

Mmm. Is it hot in here? Sheesh!

At any rate, my level if comfort puts me at preferring he make the choice of when, where and who. I trust him totally. I know that he will push without breaking, and even if he does break a limit by accident I trust him to handle the fall out. We don't have safe words, but then, we don't do any bondage or knife play or other physically dangerous activities (okay I guess forcing his cock deep in my throat even through my gag reflex, but I couldn't use a safe word then anyway!!)

I would feel the least comfort with men we know in our city, partially, I think, because they do not identify as doms and it's -easier- for me to know my place with a man who can actually control. The second he's tentative or shows fear, my arousal plummets and I feel myself "getting up off my knees" and starting to top from the bottom or outright controlling. This has happened with past "doms" and many, many, times during sexual role play online.

I know that doesnt really answer your questions Dane, but I hope it gives some insight. (Also, posting from phone again, apologies for autocorrect mistakes and glaring typos)

PS there is -some- bondage but nothing elaborate. Tied to the bed. Hands bound. Gag. Blindfold. Psychological "hold that position no matter what". But nothing like shibari or suspension or, whatever other things I don't even know exist lol

Oh, Dane, regarding arranging things. Right now there is a ridiculous phrase that if I hear from someone I know they have been given permission to have voice sex with me (permission isn't needed for cyber). I'm to please anyone who gives that pass phrase and I'd better do a good job because he'll ask me about it later.

Once the phrase is used he makes a new one. Theonly say I have is if the kids are still up then I say "not yet".

If he ever feels comfortable going beyond me doing voice sex then I would hope for the same arrangement. We talk all the time about limits (oral vs PiV, condom or not, birth control, so on) so if I got a pass phrase from a guy offline (after knowing that master was at that level of comfort) I would know what this man had permission to do and what was "off the table".

Oh, Dane, regarding arranging things. Right now there is a ridiculous phrase that if I hear from someone I know they have been given permission to have voice sex with me (permission isn't needed for cyber). I'm to please anyone who gives that pass phrase and I'd better do a good job because he'll ask me about it later.

Once the phrase is used he makes a new one. Theonly say I have is if the kids are still up then I say "not yet".

If he ever feels comfortable going beyond me doing voice sex then I would hope for the same arrangement. We talk all the time about limits (oral vs PiV, condom or not, birth control, so on) so if I got a pass phrase from a guy offline (after knowing that master was at that level of comfort) I would know what this man had permission to do and what was "off the table".

Oh, Dane, regarding arranging things. Right now there is a ridiculous phrase that if I hear from someone I know they have been given permission to have voice sex with me (permission isn't needed for cyber). I'm to please anyone who gives that pass phrase and I'd better do a good job because he'll ask me about it later.

Once the phrase is used he makes a new one. Theonly say I have is if the kids are still up then I say "not yet".

If he ever feels comfortable going beyond me doing voice sex then I would hope for the same arrangement. We talk all the time about limits (oral vs PiV, condom or not, birth control, so on) so if I got a pass phrase from a guy offline (after knowing that master was at that level of comfort) I would know what this man had permission to do and what was "off the table".

This is getting more and more interesting and exciting BluebirdDreams - judging from your written language I'm sure I could easily get a hardon listening to your voice - seeing or not seeing you - and testing the limits as you and your Master does is certainly also testing the limits of the reader....hope to hear much more from you....

So far we've only gone as far as him sending me to please someone with cyber or voice sex. We have talked about our comfort levels, me craving to suck cock but unsure about condom/dental dam, him saying he can't see man abstaining with other partners only to be limited to oral with me. He's taking steps in feeling more comfortable with sharing his toys. At the moment the idea is used as erotic talk during sex.

Last night, for example, he was playing with my pussy, rubbing my clit, his other hand over my head to restrain the arm on the side opposite him. He was talking to me, quiet and gruff in my ear, suggesting taking a picture of my pussy and making me use it as my avatar here and on Skype. He asked how I would feel knowing anyone, registered or not, could see me like that. Of course he could FEEL what the idea did to me.

Then he suggested blindfolding me and putting a headset on, his laptop beside us, so I wouldn't know if the Skype call he initiated was just voice or voice and video. He asked how I would feel knowing another man might be stroking himself while listening to me getting toyed with? How did I feel knowing he might SEE me orgasming for master? He could tell I was getting seriously worked up over the idea but he made me say it, made me beg for it, made me face my dirty little desires and embrace them. Then he ordered me to cum, and I did, with his wet fingers teasing my clit still. I came hard, he had to order me to let go of his cock cause he knows what I can get like when I come that hard, I forget myself and might be too rough for his tastes.

Mmm. Is it hot in here? Sheesh!

At any rate, my level if comfort puts me at preferring he make the choice of when, where and who. I trust him totally. I know that he will push without breaking, and even if he does break a limit by accident I trust him to handle the fall out. We don't have safe words, but then, we don't do any bondage or knife play or other physically dangerous activities (okay I guess forcing his cock deep in my throat even through my gag reflex, but I couldn't use a safe word then anyway!!)

I would feel the least comfort with men we know in our city, partially, I think, because they do not identify as doms and it's -easier- for me to know my place with a man who can actually control. The second he's tentative or shows fear, my arousal plummets and I feel myself "getting up off my knees" and starting to top from the bottom or outright controlling. This has happened with past "doms" and many, many, times during sexual role play online.

I know that doesnt really answer your questions Dane, but I hope it gives some insight. (Also, posting from phone again, apologies for autocorrect mistakes and glaring typos)

Sounds cool.....

__________________Fighting on the Internet is like being in the special Olympics even if you win you're still retarded.....

That's basically been a litmust test for me all my life. The guys who are sweet but tentative...don't get another date with me. The ones who know to just pull my hair and TAKE me....get whatever they want.

I was just reading this thread from the beginning and wanted to respond to this post, even though it's a few months old.

Most men, even those who are into rough sex, might be (and should be) hesitant to attempt anything rough on a first date. As has been mentioned before, mutual trust is a necessity for this kind of thing. Not only do you need to trust your man to not go too far, he needs to trust you to allow him to do what he thinks you want. Unfortunately, there are too many cases of so-called "date rape" that probably started with a guy reading what he thought was a clear signal to skull-fuck his date after their first dinner.

My girlfriend and I started dating over a year ago. We met through AFF, so it's not like we had to feel each other out on the first date—we knew what we wanted and it wasn't long before we were having some pretty good sex.

After about six months, I had to leave town for a month to do some work in another city. While I was away, she and I spent many hours online, discussing (among other things) sex and sexuality. She had been immediately attracted me to because of the way I kissed, with my hands in her hair and around her neck, holding her firmly (not squeezing) to my lips. She now confessed that her earliest sexual fantasy was of being rubbed between her legs with a rough tree branch. To her, rough, forced sex has always been a huge turn-on, but finding a man she could trust to not be an asshole was incredibly difficult. Over the course of that month, we discussed the kinds of play that she was most interested in. Some of it I had never done, but the idea of it was very enticing.

After I returned home, our first date was intense. In fact, we didn't make it to our dinner destination. I began teasing her in the car, stroking the side of her neck with my fingertips and pinching her. Hard. Then a few playful smacks. Harder. Hard enough to turn her head.

I pulled into a local park and found a secluded parking lot. Within seconds I was slapping her face and pulling her hair. I held her head with one hand as I unbuckled and unzipped my pants with the other. "Suck my fucking cock." She leaned over the armrest toward my lap, but not fast enough. I yanked her hair and slammed her face down onto my hard dick, which she eagerly slurped into her mouth. Then the gagging began as I leaned on the back of her head, forcing her harder onto my cock. The first few seconds were peaceful, followed by her struggling to get free, the sounds of muffled choking and flailing hands breaking the silence.

Again with the slapping. This time until something happened that I did not expect: She began to cry. Sobbing at first, but soon it became more evident, more powerful. I leaned into her and wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. I whispered into her ear, "That's all for now. No more pain tonight." With this, she began to weep uncontrollably, shaking as though her world was falling apart, but also so relieved that her suffering was at an end, and all because I was the one to end it.

That power, that undeniable control over what she was allowed to feel was intoxicating. To both of us. The sex later that night was amazing, but the sex itself wasn't anything better than any other sex I have had. I was the combination of sexual stimulation and complete and total trust that made it really special.

I love being used forcefully! I think it's biological. Look at the animal kingdom. Female animals are often forcefully mated with by the strongest, most alpha male in the pack. It's the same with humans. It also makes me feel like my man is really attracted to me if he is eager and forceful. I also like the emotional release I get from it. I have bad anxiety, and for some reason BDSM sex gives me some relief.