Monday, June 27, 2011

two months...

two months today since the gust of wind passed through... when i met with the LDS family services counselor he told me to document on certain anniversaries how we have progressed. and how we have progressed! it truly has been a journey. we have healed so much, emotionally, in the past month. the first month was such a whirlwind, frantically trying to find a place to live and a car and some stability. this past month we have been able to normalize our lives a little bit and get back to a routine. that looming sense of sadness and emptiness that we had before is in a good part gone. i feel happy again. i feel like me again. and dan is back to his sweet, normal, happy self, which makes me happier than anything! it was hard for me to see him sad and stressed.

we have grown so much closer to our friends. it really has been a miracle. we are connected a different level now. it is so nice to have each other. we have family here. that love and support is what we needed more than anything.

my perspective on life is still changed. and i'm so glad. i hate to buy anything. it just feels like a waste. i have realized the pure worthlessness of material things. we are moving into our new apartment in august and we will need all new furniture. my goal is to buy everything we need off of craigslist and from thrift stores. we will probably sell it all when we move in a year anyway. the couch doesn't matter, it's who you're sitting on it with. the paintings and mirrors don't matter, it's just if you make your little place feel like home. i know our little place will feel like home and i will work so hard to get that back.

what i miss most about our last apartment was that it was home. we worked so hard to make itours. the lamps that we thrifted, hauled out to alabama, and painted and refinished that had so much personality... the little clothes hanger with pictures of all our family and friends and everything that mattered to us... we were proud of our little place. every space and corner was us. it had been carefully constructed and tenderly nourished to make home home. and then it was all gone. and destroyed. suddenly. so where is home? home is where we are. but it's nice to have a tangible place, too. :) i am looking forward to making our next place feel like home again. :)

we were able to raise some money thanks to the kindness and goodness of those around us. we finalized all the numbers and everything and we able to give to one of the sweetest families who were tornado victims. and we still have much more to give! that was the greatest blessing of all. it felt like Christmas being able to go buy some of what this family needed and deliver it to them. i am thankful i could be the vector through which to spread kindness and charity. i will update more on that later!

i'm still scared of the tiniest gust of wind or storm cloud of drop of rain. such a little wimp. it's okay, i think it's safe to say that's normal. i check the weather like, 10x a day now if there is any slight anything. we will not be blindsided again!!

overall, definitely progressing. we are so happy and wouldn't take back what has happened. if the trial of the tornado was the size of a watermelon, then all the blessings are the size of an entire pool full of fruit. would you rather have one measly watermelon or a whole pool full of fruit?! seee...