June 16, 2011

Just got off a conf call with about a dozen of the world’s top pick up artists (the other big, big names). Right before it ended, Braddock said something I still can’t get out of my head. It affects how all of us think about picking up beautiful women.

(The funny thing is the phone summit was about the upcoming Super Conference. This just came as an offhand comment.)

What Braddock said was that “Inner Game” and “Outer Game” reinforce each other. Normally, better inner means better outer game and vice versa. BUT this does not work if your inner game is below a certain level.

I’m going to break this down, but before I do, a couple quick definitions:

Outer Game is your tactics, techniques, and routines. Most (but not all) Love Systems books and videos are outer game. E.g., Here’s how to plan a date that ends in sex every time, e.g., here’s how to start a conversation with a stripper so she goes home with you, e.g., whenever she says this, you say that. And so on. If it’s something you can DO, then it’s outer game.

Inner Game is your beliefs, self-image, and psychology. Being comfortable with yourself and the world around you. Knowing (truly knowing, not just saying) that you can date high-quality women, that women want you, that women want sex, and so on. If it’s something you can THINK, then it’s inner game.

So how do they work together?*

*subtitle: What did Braddock mean?

When we introduced “inner game” to dating science, it was pretty controversial at the time. Today, every imitator tries to duplicate Love Systems Inner Game.

Why? Because it works. You can't (and shouldn't) memorize what to do for every particular situation. Sure, it’s vital to learn the big theories. What the Phone and Text Game book has done for guys, showing them how to make dates and same night lays happen, is incredible. Same goes for Daytime Dating on “Day Game” and Beyond Words for Body Language. If you don’t know and use these breakthroughs, you’re fighting with one hand behind your back. (As you know, there’s competition for the attention of beautiful women. Even if you’re fighting with both hands in front of you, your most dangerous rival is also using everything at his disposal.)

But you’ll also notice there is no book in there called "Every possible situation you’ll run into and how to handle it." At a certain point, the training wheels need to come off.

That’s why you need both inner and outer game. Knowing all the techniques but having bad inner game will usually lead to you attracting a lot of women, but then they run away when you do something incongruent. And great inner game without knowing how to actually make things happen won’t even get you that far.

On the other hand, they DO work together. The better your inner game, the more powerful your outer game techniques will be. E.g., A confident person using the rapid escalation moves in Beyond Words is 10x more effective than a non-confident person.

Similarly, the better your outer game, the more it will help your inner game. It’s hard to maintain a belief that you are unattractive to women when there’s a hottie in your bed every night. (We call this the outside-in approach, as opposed the inside-out one in the previous paragraph).

You promised you’d explain what Braddock meant...

Everything up to this point has been standard Love Systems for years. Braddock’s point is that guys with really bad inner game can’t benefit as much for an outside-in, “fake it til you make it” kind of approach. It works for most people, but not if your inner game is so negative that it cancels positive reinforcement.

In other words, if you have negative or limiting beliefs, and those beliefs don’t change even a little bit after each success you have with women, then this applies directly to you.

The reason I take what Braddock says so seriously is because he is pretty much THE inner game expert. Well, him and longtime collaborator Mr M. They jointly run the Love Systems Inner Game practice and have for years. The most recent interview series – the one everyone is talking about right now – is Intro to Inner Game and features both of them. (That’s how it came up during our call this morning.)

What can I do to fix my Inner Game?

If your inner game is preventing you from making the breakthroughs you deserve, then some of these tips might help get you out of the “negative zone.”

Find out (HONESTLY) how you come across to other people. Confident? Comfortable in your own skin? With an abundance mentality? Do you respect yourself without taking yourself too seriously? Ask people who know you and treat any hesitation or “no’s” as your first areas to improve.

As soon as you start blaming people (for anything), you're missing the point. Focus on you. What can YOU do?

Actions influence beliefs. There’s a reason the military demands perfectly clean uniforms and banks demand suits. Studies show that this influences performance. Be your own “social boss” and make yourself take actions that are consistent with the person you want to become.

Grab the new “Intro to Inner Game” interview by Braddock and Mr M. It’s jam-packed with the fundamentals of inner game, and it’s a great tool to show you where you are. If the interview content is new to you or stuff you haven’t achieved, then yes, you should be working on your inner game.

Pick one limiting belief at a time and exterminate it. You can’t do everything at once. I used to have an elastic band around my wrist and every time I caught myself thinking “I’m probably not going to take a hot girl home tonight” I’d give myself a SNAP. Enough negative reinforcement drives away negative beliefs.

Banish useless negativity. For one week, don’t complain about anything. This change can make a very quick impact.

No one can do it alone. If the people you spend most of your time with are negative, have limiting beliefs, and have bad inner game, it’s going to be harder for you to make the advancements you deserve. Get good influences in your life. Model successful people.

Inner Game lesson from Aristotle – you are what you do. Look at how you spend your time. Keep a journal if you have to. Don’t skip anything. That’s you. Now, what do you want to change?

Possessiveness and jealousy are clear indicators of bad inner game. So is rooting against your friends. If your wingman picks up a supermodel and you go home alone, are you happy for him? If you can’t give a 100% yes, work on this.

Smile. Seriously. The muscles you use to smile release chemicals in your brain that reinforce your happiness and good inner game. Do something that makes you smile every day.

Every day, I get emails from guys saying that Love Systems has made them more optimistic, more positive about life, improved relationships with friends and family, improved career prospects, and so on. This is part of why so many people stay part of Love Systems even after they have their dream girl(s).

Improving your inner game can be painful. It makes you look really deep into yourself, and you might not like everything you see. But it’s so important. Don’t do it so you can get more women in your life.