And so I have spent the last few days pondering the many legends surrounding Le Clown. Here now, are five such myths and the singular truth surrounding Le Clown….

HE HAS MASTERY OVER ALL SPACE AND TIME.

You may be chuckling, but just cast your eyes upon these creations and tell me if anyone other than Le Clown could possibly be responsible for them…

YOU CAN THANK LE CLOWN FOR BRING ALL OF US TOGETHER: Le Clown is believed to have traveled back in time and planted the seeds for the creation of mankind’s most wondrous creation: a portal through which nerds everywhere can masturbate for free. The initial idea is credited as being Leonard Kleinrock’s, but he was at a kegger on May 30, 1961 when Le Clown visited him at the stroke of midnight much as Marty McFly did to his socially impotent father in Back to the Future. The rest is history.

And no, I cannot verify whether or not Leonard Kleinrock actually attended a kegger – ever – but just go with it, okay?

2) HE INVENTED THE AUTOMOBILE: Le Clown knew carriages would not suffice; not if his next creation was going to come to fruition…

3) HE INVENTED “PARKING”: He knew groping and begging for the affections of a young lady in the back of a carriage overlooking a hillside just wouldn’t work, and so Le Clown changed the face of travel forever. Until then, you could always count on a romantic rendezvous to be cut short by flatulent horses…

4) BEER COMPANIES OWE A DEBT OF THANKS TO LE CLOWN: The Mesopotamians invented beer? Yeah, right. Until our host visited them, they were swallowing bees to get a buzz…

And finally…

5) MEN CAN THANK LE CLOWN FOR BRAS: He knew droopage would be an issue and that half the fun in enjoying a present is unwrapping it. Now if only he could have made then “Hook-proof”; I once used a pair of tin snips to “unlock” a particularly challenging undergarment….

I leave it up to you, my friends and fellow bloggers, to arrive at your own decisions regarding these legends – and my research, for that matter. Personally, I think Le Clown is feigning the whole back injury thing to throw his enemies off their game.

Yeah, I know, there is a major hole in my theory… Le Clown doesn’t have enemies, only a legion of followers.

Get well soon, my master.

MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: I take a look at Beyoncé’s recenttroubles– and laugh at them.

If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…

PLEASE READ THIS BLOG:You’ll be moved byMJ’sstory. Her life story – and that of her daughter Grace – is one of hope, the power of family and the healing power of laughter.

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About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire.
I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.

59 Responses to The Legend of Le Clown.

I believe every one of those legends to be true. I’ve heard every one discussed around a campfire at some time or another. Also, I WANNA GO TO COMIC CON! Always wanted to go, but never been. I bet it is truly epic.

The Hook,
Like other mega-powerful-many-times-superstars, Le Clown knows a detractor or two… But Le Clown also invented the “live and let live” attitude, back when Homer wrote The Iliad, and changed Le Clown’s name to Achilles, Nestor, Zeus….. His words to Homer: (translated from Ancient Greek):

“Write smack about me
Write good about me
As long as you write about me”.

These words were later on used by Polanski when responding to the bad press surrounding the Samantha Geimer scandal.
Le Clown

But I wasn’t slinging smack, Le Clown. I was merely trying to indulge my “inner clown” and cut loose. You have a dark comic gift for cutting loose on your blog, so I thought I’d try to follow suit.
I have nothing but respect for your style, envy for your ability to draw attention to your work and admiration for your God-given way of inspiring loyalty among your followers.
Rock on, Le Clown!

The Hook,
Oh, I wasn’t referring to you, my dear The Hook. I was showing you yet another mere mortal quality to me… And then, there’s that Tony Clifton dude who keeps throwing rocks in my windows…….
Le Clown

I’m glad Eric liked the legends and rumors you’ve been spreading about him–all true, I’m sure. After his trip to Boston and Phillie this week, he will be wanting to pack his bags for Niagara Falls next, or maybe wait for the Comic Festival.

As a researcher, I should be appalled at the lack of 1st person evidence for these claims…but as a mercenary, if you pay me enough money, I’ll gladly endorse the claims as completely true and without bias. I’m easy like that.

Poor Le Clown….what to do? Hook, I’m not sure about the bra invention??? Really. But, a package to unwrap. I suppose that could all be worth all those stubborn hooks and discomfort. Anything for a surprise!!

Kate,
Thanks for your message of hope. I thought it was left in Pandora’s box, with your comment which I have rescued from my SPAM box this morning. I will write you something wonderful on my blog. Until then…
Le Clown

>Thanks for your message of hope.
– You’re welcome, Le Clown! I believe in the power of positive thoughts, and I had hoped mine would make a dent in your back. To help push back the herniated disc into place, you know?

>I thought it was left in Pandora’s box, with your comment which I have rescued from my SPAM box this morning.
– So, SPAM I am! Green eggs and ham! *grimace*

>I will write you something wonderful on my blog.
– Aww, thank you.

>Until then
– … I hope you’ll be good to your back. It will return the favour.