Margaret Alice Second

Lack Of Haute Couture - Poem by Margaret Alice Second

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Beware Sam Vimes; annoyed by a fantailer hat, jodhpurs and a nervous smile; Sam took on the legendary Jane Austen, author of world renowned Pride and Prejudice, to reform her into a modern writer, criticized the flimsy attire of her five girls

Sending them to Florence Nightingale nursing, open a Milliner’s shop to put an end to their small talk, marry Mr Collins the curate shunned by a fastidious Elizabeth and deleting Mr Darcy; I must agree, Captain Carrot lords it over all other hero’s in likeability, magical

powers and nobility to withstand pressure to become king, though he knows his ancestry, being a superhero; the intrepid commander sees nervous smiles as dead giveaway of disagreeable intent and jodhpurs means burgled silverware seen in trousers outlined in teapots

This offensive ensemble is described with inimitable Pratchettian aplomb: ‘a presumably self-inflicted triple misfortune’ - oh yes, I have also been caught wearing self-inflicted triple - even quadruple - misfortunes of all kinds, suffering from lack of haute couture

And I mean to go on suffering this way, it is muchmore fun than being elegant all the time!