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Cravings Never Go Away-The Non-Smoking Journey Continues

October 21, 2008 — EMC

Cravings Never Go Away-The Non-Smoking Journey Continues…

Okay, here goes nothing. I haven’t written for so long I think I may have forgotten how. I am still smoke-free and it has been …hang on a minute, I have to go check my calculator for how many days now. I know it has been 9 months, but not sure on the days… 294 days, 1 hour, 57 minutes and 9 seconds. Well now that is pretty awesome isn’t it?

Tough decisions we make.

My weight is still the same, no more, no less. I am still taking the Thyroid medicine and now have added Lipitor, 40mg, for my Cholesterol. Uggggh! Being in denial about my health was so much easier, and cheaper. Of course, denial allowed me to continue to slowly kill myself with cigarettes. Not where I am really at now a days.

Being a non-smoker is pretty wild:

I can complete a project without hurrying through it so I can go get my fix, i.e. scrapbooking.

I can go on a trip in a car with non-smokers and not feel bad for making them pull over every two hours so I can get my nicotine fix.

I can walk in the woods with my camera and take pictures and not have to keep taking breaks to get my nicotine fix.

I can be totally relaxed in the movie theater and watch the entire movie without trying to figure out how I can go out and get my nicotine fix.

I can just BE. I can BE in the moment, BE where I am, BE who I am, BE with my children, BE with my Dad, BE with my friends. I can just BE for hours and hours of sweet, relaxing, peaceful, and serene joy.

It sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Well, it is great. Don’t get me wrong, I have had my moments of cravings, the “deep in the pit of my stomach, gonna die if I don’t have a cigarette,” type of cravings. That was only about 30 days ago. So, yes, cravings never go away, it just goes into a sort of remission and from time to time it will rear it’s ugly head again.

I have thoughts about smoking probably daily but I don’t dwell on them and feed them by focusing on how great it would be to feed my addiction one last time. When I have a thought, I push it out of my mind as fast as I can so I can move on to the next thought that is about something else all together.

This will be a lifetime process I am sure. I just hope the thoughts aren’t quite as frequent, like every day. Every other day will be good. It has slowed down some, it was every minute in the beginning. I am still very grateful that I had Chantix to help me through those times. It helped me until I could help myself. It was a miracle drug and I have no regrets for using it. I feel blessed that I could take it and not suffer from the side effects that some people have been through.