I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

- I do physical labour
- I work at great depths
- I plunge head first into everything I do
- I do not get weekends off or public holidays
- I work in a damp environment
- I don't get paid overtime
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
- I work in high temperatures
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take the initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts before you have completed the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags