There's always the "invisible" option on Google email (Gmail), which replaces the welcoming little green dot by your name with a cold, uninviting gray dot, making it appear to fellow Gmail users that you're not on the computer, thereby discouraging awkward "Hi there, I see you're online in the middle of the night, too" chats. Or you could get an invisibility cloak like Harry Potter's. Really, why didn't he just wear that thing all the time?

But now, in an astonishing scientific breakthrough Wednesday at the Oakland A's 14th annual Mug Root Beer Float Day, I discovered the true key to invisibility, and it is this: Volunteer at the sugar-free table.

Members of the Oakland Police Department serve up floats to fans during the A's annual Root Beer Float Day held in the Eastside Club at O.co Coliseum in Oakland, Calif., Wednesday, June 26, 2013. Proceeds from the event will benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. (Anda Chu/Bay Area News Group)
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ANDA CHU
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It is a lonely place. Not for lack of attendance at the event. Au contraire. Float Day is hugely popular. Mobbed, in fact. It was held in the Eastside Club concourse at O.co Coliseum, this time before a game against the Cincinnati Reds (which the A's won 5-0 in A.J. Griffin's first shutout). And it's for a good cause, raising big bucks for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (the event scored $32,000 this year). This was my second time there, helping out along with my pal Zoe, who is a steadfast JDRF volunteer and whose daughter has Type 1 diabetes.

Scooper up

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The way the event works, various celebrities -- mostly local TV news personalities, Raiderettes, Warriors Girls, former A's players -- staff tables and scoop Dreyer's vanilla ice cream from huge tubs of frosty goodness, then lather it up with root beer. Fans flood through the entry gates flanked by giant balloon sculptures of root beer floats (shades of brown for the soda, clear ones for the foam and even a red cherry on top). They pay $2 for a regular size plastic commemorative mug or up to $25 for the 32-ounce gaping maws signed by pitcher Ryan Cook, then they go around to various tables for their frothy treats.

Except to ours. We were in O.ghost town. A stray brown balloon bounced by on the floor, mimicking a lonely tumbleweed. Our cans of diet root beer remained unpopped. Our tubs of sugar-free ice cream, unscooped. If Edward Snowden wanted the best place to hide from the world, he should have hung out with us.

Strike one: A root beer float with any other ingredient but sugar may be just as sweet, but it's as popular as a stalk of broccoli in a room full of Willy Wonkas.

Oakland Athletics' Josh Reddick (16) poses for a photo with fan Jake Floriolli, 18, of Concord, during the A's annual Root Beer Float Day held in the Eastside Club at O.co Coliseum in Oakland, Calif., Wednesday, June 26, 2013. Proceeds from the event will benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. (Anda Chu/Bay Area News Group)
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ANDA CHU
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"Hey, have a float!" we'd shout in our perkiest carnival-barker pitch. "They're sugar-free!" we'd cheer, like it was a good thing. One man and his young son approached, then recoiled. "Oh, we don't want that table, son," the father said, pulling his child away as though we were selling glasses of plague.

Strike two: We are not celebrities. You can bet the bubbly Roberta Gonzales from Channel 5, or Big Rick Stuart from KFOX radio, or the Warrior Girls in their glittery blue short-shorts outfits were scooping until they were pooped, splattering goopy ice cream all over the walls like a sweet, sweet horror movie. Our wall was pristine.

Our persistence was futile. For the first 15 minutes, we couldn't catch an eye. Fans were focused -- not only on sugar-filled confections, but also on getting autographs from the various A's players stationed throughout the concourse. Pitcher Sean Doolittle stood in our general vicinity for a while as fans swarmed around him. He was the honey. They were the bees. We were the air around the bees and the honey: invisible.

"Maybe I should have worn my glittery short-shorts outfit," someone muttered. I think it was Zoe, but I couldn't see her.

Former Oakland Athletics player Dave Henderson returns an autographed cap back to fan Leah Silva, 8, of Sacramento, during the A's annual Root Beer Float Day held in the Eastside Club at O.co Coliseum in Oakland, Calif., Wednesday, June 26, 2013. Proceeds from the event will benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. (Anda Chu/Bay Area News Group)
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ANDA CHU
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Finally, business picked up in a virtual flurry of activity. Some patrons were seeking out sugar-free floats. For others, it might have been pity, or the fact that our line was the shortest path to more root beer refills. Zoe scooped. I was the cup holder and soda pourer, which is an art form in itself. One must achieve the proper ratio of soda to ice cream and then be patient, wait for the foam to recede, then top it off with a little more. It's a delicate issue.