I have been pretty ill for two weeks, on top of what came before, which I was trying to push myself through - but I got this instead. I might submit a dif post re: this latest relapse. Main point is that I have been slowly trying to climb out of this - which affects my brain, along with everything else. In this state, the oscillating light from the LED computer screen really does me in. You cannot imagine what it is like. It's a killer, preventing me from getting well, getting sleep, thinking.

So, I have been trying to cut back and pace, etc. I draped a plastic-aluminum sheet over the screen - and the only way you can see anything on the screen is by waiting until night and turning all the lights off. SO - with this set-up, I was able to somewhat relax and watch a movie last night, with less worry about my circadian riddem being destroyed as usual. Most of the time, through the movie, I not only used this screen but I ALSO wore dark amber polarised sunglasses.

Anybody reading the above, who does not have a deep understanding of human biology, would probably conclude that I am a nut-case conspiracy theorist in a tinfoil hat, right? I'm telling you. You don't know how hard life can be until it overtakes you. And you look up and see the children laughing. And you envy the mud. Have some mercy when you go for your quivers please.

The movie I watched was, "Never Been Kissed," which I have seen before. 2000 Drew Barrymore. I was astonished on how many other movies THIS movie apparently influenced, most prominently, "Mean Girls." When you study it, you become aware that the latter was a near-total rip-off. To the list of most-influential teen rom-dramadies, I would add, "16 Candles," which had a quirkiness influencing a whole lot of later comedies, including, "Ladybird," imo.

Another thing about, "Never Been Kissed," is that its premise almost necessitated a kind of approval of pedophilia, for comic effect. If released today, maybe this movie might not be widely condemned, but - I don't think it would have been made in the first place! To its credit, the movie did make an issue of a possible pedophilia scandal, and it also tried to be careful and considerate - as when both the brother and the sister each tried to push off the younger kid. On the other hand, it also went too far for today's standards, with a 16 year old girl hanging all over a guy who was, what, 25?

So, the reason why I wandered into the subject of pedophilia in this movie is to allude to double standards, either by the left or the right. Conservatives are often pointing out that Kennedys, Clintons, Hollywood, and many other liberals got away with grande crimes of immorality, but the liberals never see this. They instead attack conservatives forcefully when it comes to lesser crimes, like an abusive drunken dally in high-school, by two underaged kids, decades earlier, of which there was no proof - a la, Omarabu or what was that black woman's name who attacked Trump? Don't get me wrong, I don't want Kavenaugh confirmed, at all. But, sometimes conservatives are correct when they point out double standards in liberals, as liberals often are when they point out double standards in conservatives!

Thom Hartmann has had some pretty good shows lately. He was sharp as a knife when he countered the arguments of a very intelligent caller who was opposed to health care. (I recommend anyone to go back a find a copy of that show if possible - it occurred yesterday or last week). However, whereas he once entertained Alex Jones on his show, in an effort to find common ground, in recent months or years, Hartmann has been going too far in attacking Jones as a conspiracy theorist, (along with Trump). Hartmann is in good company, these days, along with the censoring Internet Giants, Clinton DNC Dems and identity politicians.

But, then, (today), Hartmann goes off into this long musing about how the universe might be a giant brain, and how, if lizards replaced us and evolved into intelligent dinosaurs, would they then have OUR consciousness, etc. Delightfully inquisitive.

The only problem is that this is the sort of postulating that Hartman, and others, often attack as being conspiracy theories, and loonie-toones unscientific nonsense. You see, I have seen so many times the hypocrisy of one strident male shouting down and pulling down and burying another powerful male, only to then, sitting on his thrown, turn to the self-gratifying pontification of what he wants or imagines to be true or right - or maybe the true ond only god, you see. I see it over and over again. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

It is fine for Hartman to imagine and opine and hypothesize - that's the sort of thing I actively TUNE IN Craig Lewis for. And it is fine if Hartman wants to search out truths of possible conspiracies - as in conspiracies of the BANKS, of the KOCHS, of the GOP, and so on. But to then turn around and blame conservatives for being conspiracy theorists - when one is completely unaware that one is also doing some serious conspiracy theorising - then that is just more sad petty human political ratings-greedy hypocrisy. Having said all this, I still want you to listen to Hartman - and Alex Jones - and as many voices as you can hear!

If you look back over the years in my journal, you will clearly see that I have been going on and on about the double standards and hypocrisies of conservatives and GOP. I just assume that we just agree on these by now. Since most of my readers are liberals, they are getting these views from many other sources, and echo-chambers, including ONTD_politics, msNBC, and so on. I could write more about right-wing hypocrisies, etc., but I don't think I need to. I do try to call our falseness, etc., on whatever side, so. To continue...

Here's another one... I am listening to an interesting discussion of Serena Williams, (etc.), on NPR's, "1A." The host mentions that it is said that more penalties in tennis are given to male players than to female players, (with the insinuation that females have nothing to complain about). A guest then says, "Well, that is because men act-out more than women do." And everyone was like, "Oh, yes, so true - good save!"

Telling themselves what they wanted to believe - (whether or not this was true in reality is not the point here). You see, the liberals can say this to defend Serena Williams, but would they say that, "blacks act-out more than whites do," when the subject is the disproportionate numbers of blacks in prison, or being arrested or shot? No - It is not acting-out that is to blame, it is the SYSTEM - and racism.

Would they say that blacks act-out more than whites, or than males act-out more than females, when they are discussing the failings of blacks or males in the educational system? No. Again, the system is the problem. They tend to use the argument that will support their conclusions or feelings or bias - or even their group-identity. And, so Serena Williams gets off scott-free, whereas in the other cases, it is the system, or racism, etc., that is blamed.

I am talking about UNSEEN double standards here - something that none of us can escape, to some degree - as IRONY IS INHERENT IN EXISTENCE. And, I say again that right-wingers are certainly guilty of their own basket of deplorable contradictions and denial. (One person to talk to about these flaws in our teeming people world, it occurs to me, would be, alas, Morrissey... As I listen to, "The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get...") You see, nothing exists without some germ, some Achilles Heal of dysfunction - some bias that makes one SELFish, and aLIFE, and which makes one ultimately die.

One last look as we walk away, now... Whereas liberals will note use the "acting-out" argument when it comes to blacks or males being failed in education - they DO use it, in a sense, when it comes to females being failed in education, right? Girls don't speak up in class, and gain the confidence to learn, not because of any failing on their part, but because boys are speaking up TOO MUCH. Like good industrious learners, boys are acting-out. Too much. Just what the syetem demands - like demanding that any corporation do nothing but seek the greatest profits for its CEO, by hook or by crook.

Liberals don't want to believe we are destined to serve such a cruel world / view.

Conservatives insist, the world is cruel, and you've got to cut throat or make bait to $urvive.

Each side fashions its own hypocrisies according to the orientation - the prejudice - they choose.

Or are given.

Ultimately grounded in the true concept that consciousness creates reality - that it is Being that matters - liberals want to favour the heart of the person, and they so very often end up dealing out ruthless policies and even mass murders, (Mao, Stalin, etc.). Most conservatives think that this view is naive - because Hell is actually paved with their good intentions.

Instead, say conservatives, it is Might that makes right - it is matter that makes Being. But, they also have an alternate side: where consciousness is represented by the universal God, who breaths beings into each soul, especially the industrious, good, right and true believers who want to make a good profit for themselves and their inner circle. Do you see that both side contains its own contradiction. Like Yin in Yang and Yang in Yin, each side contains the other side within.

It is through awareness and simultaneous denial that we escape the reality that our lives are nothing but a surf through incessant irony and self-defeat.

When you look in the mirror, you are not seeing yourself. You are seeing the Dark Side. Completely out in the open. You are looking at an image of you, which is reversed 100% This image is SO COMPLETELY opposite to you, that you assume it is SAME as you. Falling into that image, you take the first step of denying the true you - your own real, inner being. Or, otherwise, falling into that being, you may become shattered by the image.

And this is the first flaw in all of our existence, which makes existence real. This being / mirror-image is a good metaphor for how we are placed in nature itself - how we BE, but can only continue to be IF we deny ourselves, and compromise with the outside world, including the the devils of Mammon.

When we walk through the world, we look at others, and see self. But only in comparison to the opposite image in the mirror.

When we walk through the world, we look at selves, and see other, but only in comparison to true self, Being within.

So, we have a four-factor multiplicity going on here - but expanding geometrically, like a Big Bang, into a multiplicity of facts and faces and atoms and life.

Liberal, you think you are fighting a conservative, when you are really fighting the self you deny. And conservatives are beating up on their own inner child / demons.