Robbie R. Rotten

Robbie Robinson Rotten

Robbie R. Rotten

Current

Mayor of New York City

Former

Vagabond, Welfare Leech

Date Joined

December 21st 2016

Birth Name

Robbie Robinson Rotten the 16th

Birth Date

September 11th 1968

Birh Place

Lazy Town, Afghanistan

Robbie Robinson Rotten the 16th is an American politician and utter number one. He was the product of inbreeding when he was born in Lazy Town, Afghanistan in 1968 to two mothers and a father. In all he had 30 siblings (two of which were retarded and one severely autistic). Their names were Rachel, Regina, Ruth, Reagan, Roxanne, Roxy, Roxana, Rosanna, Rose, Rosie, Roseanne, Rochelle, Ruby, Rickey, Ronald, Riccardo, Rudolph, Ronaldo, Rocky, Ross, Richard, Robert, Ron, Rubin, Rex, Rutherford, Rob, Rick, Rand, and Tom. They had a pretty sh**y life in Afghanistan but were thankfully saved from the ghettos and poverty because most of them were white. Robbie's brother Rutherford joined the Taliban when he was 12 because of global warming, and his sister Ruth went on to be a nun but was later killed by Rutherford in a suicide bombing. Rocky became an astrophysicist but turned to a life of drugs and alcohol abuse when he fell into crippling depression after his husband left him and took their pet gerbil. Robbie has had his own traumatic experiences which have severely affected his ability to be a functioning member of society, and is why he smiles like he has a stick up his a**. On September 11th 2001, after the rest of his family took 2 planes to New York, Robbie and one of his mothers were home alone. Later in the night they were awakened after they heard a crash in the kitchen. Figuring it was just the pet aardvark, they put it out of their minds and tried to get some sleep, when suddenly Barney the Dinosaur entered into the bedroom they were sleeping in. Robbie's mother had no chance of fighting back against the large purple assailant and was killed in the struggle. Barney then proceeded to sexually assault Robbie for several hours until the authorities arrived and gave Barney a stern warning. This traumatic experience is why Robbie has had much contempt for childhood "heroes" throughout his life, and why he has been against fossil fuels. Not to mention the fact that physical exercise always reminds Robbie of his mother, who was a yoga instructor.

In America

Several years later, Robbie Rotten came to the United States in search of a fresh start. On welfare, he soon became interested in political theory, reading the works of Karl Marx and Lenin. He joined the Communist Party USA but was quickly thrown out of the party when at one of the meetings he remarked that he was looking for a job. In his pursuit of a carrier, Robbie traveled to Broadway in New York and auditioned his rendition of "We are Number One" and was soon after given a job scrubbing toilets. Seeing where Marxism had brought him, he began reading capitalist authors like Hayek and joined the Republican party. His love for politics soon prompted him to run for Mayor of New York and lose several times, until he finally won by 1/2 votes on December 21st 2016. Robbie would go on to be re-elected because no one wanted to inherit the job he did.