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Fri, 24 Jul 2015 18:28:25 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1Why, “Coz it’s always been like that” is my least favourite excuse.http://shaunmaloney.com/why-coz-its-always-been-like-that-is-my-least-favourite-excuse/
http://shaunmaloney.com/why-coz-its-always-been-like-that-is-my-least-favourite-excuse/#commentsThu, 23 Jul 2015 18:53:15 +0000http://shaunmaloney.com/?p=1324… Read More →]]>The thing about your head is that it’s usually attached to your body. If you’re lucky it’s been attached all your life. Now, here’s the funny bit…why then do we take more notice of our feet (or any other body part for that matter) than what’s in our head? Sounds crazy? The truth is often weirder than fiction. Unfortunately, most of us have very little idea of what’s going on in there and even worse, very little idea of why we keep doing things. That’s good news for therapists such as me but generally bad news for mankind I reckon. So let’s look at how, “coz it’s always been like that” has become my least favourite excuse.

What do you do?First look at what drives your behaviour…and then change it.

Many people would say that intellect drives behaviour, but I don’t think it does because many of your beliefs & values were absorbed even before you grew an intellect. I think that intellect tells you that the way to ‘cure’ overweight is to eat less – but don’t you think that sort of advice is a bit offensive and unhelpful to a large person?! It’s the same with being in the wrong job (“Well – change it!”) or with the wrong partner (“Well, leave!”) and …well, you get the idea. Advice like this is worse than useless – it makes the recipient feel criticised, weak, bewildered and angry….some coaches call this ‘Best Friend Coaching’.

What drives behaviour is beliefs and values that are rooted in our brains, often without us knowing during childhood and continue to be even though we’re big bad adults now (well some of us are). We’re not always conscious of them, but they sit there, telling us what to do, what to fear, what to want and what to hate until we die…worse still, in extreme cases they can actually be the cause of our death (but we’re not going there in this blog). Beliefs drive behaviour into our lives, making our lives what they are today. Beliefs by the thousand suffuse our thinking or should I say our feeling. They keep us doing what we’ve always done and getting what we’ve always got (I wonder how many times I’ve heard that one). What it all boils down to is the fact that knowing your own beliefs and values is a Good Thing. So, what I thought I’d do in this blog is to explain a technique I often use to flush out beliefs. When you know what they are you will be in a much MUCH better place. Now here’s the thing, some beliefs and values will be wrong and will not serve you well, they hinder you, they get in your way and they stop you doing things. These are called Limiting Beliefs (and values). You can easily work on reducing their influence in your life (when you know how).

What Is A Belief?

First let’s look at what a belief is. A belief is something accepted as true mostly without proof. For example, “The sun will rise tomorrow”. You have no proof, but extensive daily living has taught you that it seems very likely. This one is a reasonable belief and most of us share it. I wonder what would happen if we didn’t have this belief? Hmmm…just a thought that I might examine at a later date. How about this one: “Everyone I love will crush me eventually”. I know people who know this; and I mean KNOW THIS. They don’t have a niggling suspicion that it might be true, they KNOW IT just as well as they know the sun will rise tomorrow. These are not happy people. Coaches call these beliefs ‘Mistaken Certainties’. Just so that I don’t paint a totally gloomy picture, here’s another one, “I know that everything always works out fine”. A person holding this belief is likely to be peaceful, loving and happy – even if they’re wrong! So – if these hidden beliefs are so powerful, how can we find the bad ones? I use this technique regularly. I’ll write more in a separate blog (well, I’ve got to ensure you can back now haven’t I?) As with eating an elephant, you’ll need to do it in small pieces; concentrate on one area at a time. If you’re working on being more sociable try listing your beliefs in the area of relationships and people. Here’s how it could play out:List the obvious beliefs about you or your world. Just sit and think about it with pen and paper. Write down sentences which start “I believe…”. Don’t think too hard – let your gut speak. Starting might be tough, but once you get going, they’ll pour out. You might come up with things like: I believe good looking people are arrogant and selfish I believe most people are liars and cheats I believe I am fatter than most people When my mum died, I finally knew that God didn’t exist I know that no one can ever be trusted When my business failed, I realised that I’m a complete failure

So What Now?

Once you have a list of beliefs, look at them. You are looking at your engine. You are looking at the things that push you forward and the things that hold you back. Your fears and your dreams laid bare. THESE BELIEFS are what make you do what you do and get what you get. If you want to get new and different stuff you’ll need to change some of them. Now, this is the point you can finally get back to using your intellect…examine them in turn, evaluate them for accuracy. Are they literally true? What irrefutable evidence do you have? Are they over generalisations? Are they routed in a past which is no longer relevant? Are they more about pain and fear – than they are about truth? How could you modify the wording of each belief to remove the faults and make it accurate? Which beliefs need to go to File 13?

That Pink Mercedes Convertible

Now this is where you’ll be thinking “What is he on about now? What’ve cars got to do with anything?” Well, I’m glad you asked… …you know how if you’re thinking of buying a new car of a certain type you’ll keep seeing that type of car in the streets? That’s because of a part of your brain called the “Reticular Activating System” (R.A.S.). When you load your new car into your conscious thinking, your RAS will note that you have an interest in it and it will remain alert for relevant sensory data and make sure that your conscious mind is made aware of it. It will do this subconsciously – you will need no effort to make it work. Those pink Mercedes convertibles were out there before, but your R.A.S. wasn’t programmed and so you never noticed them. Well, now that you have examined these beliefs of yours, they will be in your R.A.S. and will start to trigger new awarenesses. Throughout your day, you’ll see events unfolding in which one of your beliefs is at work. Well, I hope you get the picture. I have other exercises I use with clients, but this article is already too long, and you’ll get a good start from this technique. That’s it for now…Stay safe.

]]>http://shaunmaloney.com/why-coz-its-always-been-like-that-is-my-least-favourite-excuse/feed/0Wouldn’t You Like to Have More Choices?http://shaunmaloney.com/wouldnt-you-like-to-have-more-choices/
http://shaunmaloney.com/wouldnt-you-like-to-have-more-choices/#commentsThu, 11 Jun 2015 16:27:19 +0000http://shaunmaloney.com/?p=199… Read More →]]>Hypnocoaching and NLP offers many things to its followers and practitioners. It’s all about expanding choices; wouldn’t you like to have more choices?

One way to expand thinking and to reveal other choices that might have been previously hidden from you is to think ‘differently’. The process of reframing can be as complicated as you like, but essentially it’s about looking at things in a different way, it’s about taking yourself out and looking back into a situation as an observer…to be honest, it’s about lots of things that I’ll hopefully get around to writing about one day (hopefully).

Here’s a little metaphorical tool that I came across a long time ago and have used to great effect in many situations. You will have read my past posts on the use of metaphors and you already know how powerful they can be. This one is a metaphor that helps to reframe thinking and provide motivation. Feel free to use it with your clients. It works especially well for those who are stuck in a rut or require a kick start to examine their options…ALL of their options.

It goes like this:

Imagine that you have won money in a competition:

Each morning your bank will deposit £86,400.00 into your private account just for your exclusive use (for those of my readers in the USA insert $).

However, this prize comes with conditions.

The first set of conditions :

Everything that you didn’t spend during each day will be taken away from you.

You may not simply transfer money into some other account.

You may only spend it.

Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another £86,400.00 for that day.

The second set of conditions:

The bank can end that game, without warning; at any time it can say, “It’s over, the game is over!”

It can close the account and you will not be able to open a new one.

What would you personally do?

You would buy anything and everything you wanted, right? Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love, right? Even for people you don’t know because you couldn’t possibly spend all that on yourself, right? You would try to spend every penny and use it all, right?

ACTUALLY, THIS GAME IS ALREADY YOUR REALITY!

Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can’t seem to see it.

THE MAGICAL BANK IS TIME ITSELF.

Each awakening morning we receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life and when we go to sleep at night any remaining time is NOT credited to us. What we haven’t lived up that day is lost forever. Yesterday is gone forever. Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time…AND WITHOUT WARNING.

Well…what will you do with your 86,400 seconds?

Aren’t these seconds worth so much more than the same amount in pounds?

Think about it…and while you’re doing that rethink about this:

Enjoy every second of your life because time races by so much quicker than you think.

Take care of yourself and enjoy life…go on, try it, I promise it’ll be good.

Until next time.

]]>http://shaunmaloney.com/wouldnt-you-like-to-have-more-choices/feed/0Do you know where your comfort zone is? How do you know?http://shaunmaloney.com/do-you-know-where-your-comfort-zone-is-how-do-you-know/
http://shaunmaloney.com/do-you-know-where-your-comfort-zone-is-how-do-you-know/#commentsThu, 14 May 2015 19:28:59 +0000http://shaunmaloney.com/?p=71… Read More →]]>We hear it all the time “Doh, I’m well out of my comfort zone” and “Oh my gosh, I can’t do that”. Do you know where your comfort zone is? How do you know? Truth is…you don’t know about them all… your comfort zones exists in a continual state of ‘bendiness’.

Pahaha, I can hear you all now, “Bendiness? That’s a new word, Shaun’s finally tipped over the edge”.

I thought I’d explain a few things about comfort zones, as I understand them. Those trainers out there can use this explanation when setting out your ground rules at the start of your sessions. Those Hypnotherapists out there can really watch for areas that clients might not be committing to quite as much as they might be telling you, the Hypnocoaches out there can use this information to safely stretch your clients and those Psychologists out there can…well…analyse it and write about it later?

It speaks for itself really; a comfort zone is an area where we feel comfortable. In our comfort zone we perform well (arguably) and feel confident. We begin to feel uneasy and even frightened when we move outside this zone. People get anxious and fearful simply because they’re stepping out of the psychological boundaries they themself have created.

Well, because what is comfortable for you now will, at some point, become a limitation. We all had to leave the comfort of the womb in order to grow and develop our potential. Think of another, more recent time when you were forced to move out of your comfort zone, when accepting a promotion or bungee jumping for example; now think about where it took you and the final destination.

So, here’s my take on it…

…It helps to think that there are actually 3 zones:

1. Comfort zone

2. Stretch zone

3. Panic zone

Now, if you think of these 3 zones set up as concentric circles. The inner circle is your comfort zone, the second circle your stretch zone and the outer circle your panic zone. Can’t think? Here’s a picture – Click.

The best place to learn is in your stretch zone. We don’t learn much in our comfort zone…we’re generally lazy like that. We also don’t learn much in the panic zone, or at least we’ll concentrate on only learning what we need to escape the panic zone; this learning doesn’t have to be permanent. So it makes sense to help people come out of their comfort zone and sit in their stretch zone. However, the stretch zone isn’t really that comfortable…come on… if it was comfortable it’d be called the comfort zone surely?

Because the stretch zone isn’t normally that comfy, we don’t have to stay in it. We can dip in and out. When we dip out of our comfort zone into the stretch zone the boundaries are blurred and, if done correctly, the boundaries between the two zones can be flexed… or bent. ‘Bendiness’… Things are sounding better now aren’t they?

When working with a client or group of learners, it’s your job to bounce them into their stretch zone and then return them safely to their comfort zone, keep doing it and the boundaries between the two flex and the result will be an expansion of the comfort zone… so, in other words, the more you do this bouncing the more you become comfortable with whatever you’re bouncing with.

How do we expand our comfort zones?

Try this exercise on for size:

Identify 3 of your comfort zones…and write them down.

This first step will allow you to identify and examine your limitations. What is holding you back? Are there things you want to do, places you want to go? Yet somehow you speak about it, know the theory, but just don’t take action. These are your comfort zones. For example, you may lack discipline in your fitness plan, or you might be fearful of letting go of your monthly salary to start your own business. You know where you are holding back!

2. Name a comfort zone you are ready to challenge being ready and willing to change …and write it down.

Next, break it up into chunks by answering the following three questions (you can add more):

How does it hold you back?What are your fears?How do you know you are ready to change?

3. Face the fear and expand.

You see, the thing is, comfort zones are relative; they are merely the limited perceptions of our minds. Comfort for me might be stagnation for another and my advance is another’s retreat. We have nothing to fear in overstepping the boundaries we have created in our own minds.

Next, clearly list the actions you could take to expand your comfort zones. What are you going to do differently in the next 7 days?

You’ll need to be specific about dates and what support you will need.

I hope this article helps. Remember, you are the author of your own life; you create your own destiny. As you break down your barriers and allow for bendiness, confidence and passion emerge and grant you nothing butForward Motion. You are in charge of your own mind and therefore your results.

]]>http://shaunmaloney.com/do-you-know-where-your-comfort-zone-is-how-do-you-know/feed/0Can You Picture It? – Your guide to visualisationhttp://shaunmaloney.com/can-you-picture-it-your-guide-to-visualisation/
http://shaunmaloney.com/can-you-picture-it-your-guide-to-visualisation/#commentsMon, 13 Apr 2015 14:51:53 +0000http://shaunmaloney.com/?p=1098… Read More →]]>Hey everyone, I trust you’re all well. A bit of visualisation for you this time; the other day, as I was driving home from a particularly upbeat training session, I got to thinking about how important imagery was to us…well, come on….there’s not much else to think about whilst driving on the motorway is there? It’s all around us – imagery I mean (not boring motorways), and IMHO we can’t live without it. Even words, if you think about it, are a form of imagery. Where would my blogging be if I couldn’t fall back on images in the form of words and pictures?

It’s because imagery is so important to us that we can use it very effectively in the Hypnocoaching world. Imagery and visualising images is such an important tool that I can’t believe I haven’t written on it until now…Ooops! I aim to remedy that right now with this blog, I hope you find it interesting…as always, please feel free to drop me a line if you’d like to discuss further – very competitive rates! LoL.

So, what is visualisation? I’m glad you asked that – visualisation is generally considered to be any technique that creates images, diagrams, pictures or animations to communicate a message.

Visualisation through imagery has been used to communicate ideas since the beginning of man (and that’s way before I was born). We all know of cave paintings, Egyptian hieroglyphs, Greek geometry and the list goes on. Visualisation nowadays gets into the worlds of science, education, engineering and even interactive computer based multimedia.

The cool bit is that those images or those pictures don’t necessarily only have to live outside in the world around us; they can live inside our own minds too. Sounds kind of obvious huh? Well, it is really; we all picture things much of the time – we even do it when we’re asleep. So, why don’t more of us know how to control these images? Why aren’t more of us visualising the things we want more often? Well, maybe because I haven’t written a blog on it until now!! (Here I go again!).

Ok, so now I’ve rambled on too long. Wouldn’t you like to know how to expand your ability to visualise? Wouldn’t you like someone to provide you with some easy steps so that your powers of visualisation increase almost overnight? Do you want to know how? Ok, ok I’ll get on with it:

There are 4 real parts of visualisation that I’ve outlined. You can learn and practice them whenever you like really, but as soon as you start I can guarantee that you’ll see things differently (See what I did there?).

1. How Often?

Frequency – The first aspect of visualisation is frequency. This is number of times that you visualise yourself performing in an excellent way. Just the same way as, if you beat yourself up too often you’ll end up believing it, the opposite applies too (cool huh?). The more frequently you repeat a clear mental picture of your very best performance or result, the more rapidly it will appear as part of your reality.

2. How Long?

Duration – The second element of visualisation has to do with the length of time you can hold the picture in your mind each time you replay it. If you’re really working at this, you might be able to hold a mental picture of yourself performing at your best for several minutes, or even longer. The longer you can hold your mental picture, the more deeply it will be impressed into your subconscious.

3. How Clearly?

Vividness – This third element of visualisation has a direct relationship between how clearly you can see your goal in your mind and how quickly it transfers into your reality. When you set a new goal for yourself, your image of this goal will probably have been vague or fuzzy, or even in black and white or grey…just not too clear at all. However, the more often you repeat it mentally, the clearer it becomes for you. Have you ever witnessed this? Try imagining the image as a TV picture…Huh? What are you talking about Shaun? Haha, relax…with a TV picture you can simply pick up the remote and alter any of the picture qualities whenever you wish…can’t you? Well, the cool thing is that you can do this with your mental images too. Just form the image of a contrast switch, a colour switch, a volume switch or any switch that you can control. If your image appears in black and white simply adjust your colour switch, if the image is fuzzy simply adjust the contrast and so on…try it…it works! Eventually, it will become crystal clear. At that point, the goal will suddenly appear in your world exactly as you imagined it.

4. How Intensely?

Intensity – The fourth element of visualisation has to do with the amount of emotion you attach to your image. Some people might argue that this is the most important and powerful part of the visualisation process. Sometimes, if your emotion is intense enough and your visual image is clear enough, you will immediately achieve it.

Watch out though, the whole process can help you or it can hurt you. Like nature, the power of visualisation is neutral. It’s a double-edged sword so make sure you appreciate that it can cut in either direction. Visualisation can either make you a success or make you a failure – like always, it’s up to you really. Visualisation brings you whatever you vividly and intensely imagine, whether good or bad.

Have fun with this, but first another word of warning – if you’re practicing this on the train make sure you know the person sitting opposite or those faces you’re pulling are going to attract more attention that you’d like.