Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Wasp Alert: Level Red

So I'm reading through the markup of my story yesterday afternoon and hear this noise. I look up, and there above my head, is the biggest wasp I've ever seen. =8-O I think I set the new land speed record as I ran away. Once I was safe, I needed a weapon. If you've read my previous wasp encounters, you'll know that the wasp spray didn't kill them--probably too old--and since I hadn't seen one in weeks, I hadn't bothered looking for a new can of spray when I was out shopping. Clearly, I needed a strategic weapon. I looked around wildly and my eyes alit on two choices: carpet spot remover or spray starch. I chose the spray starch.

As I watched from a safe distance, the thing kept flying around the kitchen light, but it wouldn't settle down. I tested my weapon, made certain it would fire. The wasp spray, aside from being old, also had misfired, leaving me shooting nothing but air at first in one of my previous alerts. The starch, however, was primed and ready. Good. Now all I needed was the enemy to pick a location to land.

It didn't. In fact, it started flying toward my defensive position. My reaction? I slammed the door shut. :-/ As I sat, watching the crack under the door in case the wasp decided to crawl under, I tried to work up my courage. I needed to kill this latest intruder. Ten, maybe fifteen, minutes later, I cautiously reopened the door, spray starch at the ready. No wasp.

My eyes scanned the kitchen. I checked out each room, cautiously, carefully. No wasp.

I grabbed my marked up copy of TACV, and with the manuscript in one hand and the can of spray starch in the other, I disappeared into my bedroom to work. But as I read, I continually scanned the sky, looking for my nemesis. He never showed up, but every tingle had me freaking out, scared that he'd snuck in and landed on me.

At 11pm last night, I finally conceded I had to quit reading and go to bed. But that meant returning to the--gasp--kitchen! =8-O I needed to close things up for the night.

Spray starch at hand, I made my way back to the dark kitchen. The wasp could be anywhere and I kept my finger on the trigger. Yeah, I know wasps sleep when the sun goes down, but this wasp was in the house with me. Clearly, he's a dangerous and unknown entity and must be approached with extreme caution. The previous wasps liked to fly near the windows, but I had to pull the shades down. I managed to check out one window and do that, but the other one... Well, I was certain I heard something.

I couldn't stick my hand in there. What if the wasp was holed up in there for the night? If only there were some way to stand at a distance and pull down the shade. Kitchen tongs! Yes, the kind you use to flip a steak. I retrieved them from the drawer, eyed the window a moment longer, and spray starch in my left hand, kitchen tongs in my right, I reached in, pinched the bottom of the shade and pulled it closed. Do I need to mention that it took me quite some time to fall asleep?

As we stand right now, the wasp is still loose, somewhere in the house. I'm afraid to open the shades again, even with kitchen tongs and I'm already worrying about putting stuff in my tote bag to take to work today or grabbing my jacket. The wasp could be ANYWHERE! And when I come home from work today, I'll have to deal with it.