Entry 47 cont'd
Trey walked up to me.
"You really wanna kill me?" He asked as he moved my bangs out of my eyes.
"Don't touch me, Trey." I turned my face away from him. He leaned over and put his face on my neck.
"I fucked up for real this time." He said. "Essence, I love you."
"So what. I love you too. Does it matter, now? Did it matter when you were all over Jess?" I asked.
He apologized again and I heard the sincerity in his voice. I saw it in his eyes. I felt it when he kissed me. I almost kissed him back, but I forced myself to stop.
"T, if I kiss you, and touch you, and lose myself with you, then it's going to mean that I accept you doing whatever the hell you want to do. This relationship will never be an equal one, and I'll always get hurt."
"No, you won't. If we can get past this, then it'll mean we know how strong our love is. It'll mean that I'll have to work harder to to keep your love, and never hurt you again." He said.
"It can also mean that I'm just giving you another opportunity to hurt me again. Then what? I'll just let it go again, lose a small part of my dignity, again, then have to face myself in the mirror, and begin to hate the person I'll become." I said as I pushed him away from me. I almost poked him with the knife.
He took it from me.
"I need that to get the keys off the ring." I said.
"Keep the keys. I don't want 'em back." He told me.
"Alright." I walked out of his kitchen and began to look for some more of my things. I got my tooth brush and threw it in the garbage. I got my hair products, my curling iron, and my make up kit.
"I need a bag." I went to his broom closet and got a plastic bag. I put the stuff in the bag, and I went into the bedroom.
I went to my drawer and pulled out all of my stuff. A pair of my panties fell to the floor. Trey picked them up and said that he wanted to keep them.
"For what? Doesn't Jess have any you can have?" I knew that my snide remark hit it's target.
Trey gave me a dark look.
"Stop doing that."

Entry 47
I went downstairs with full intention to kick Trey in the nuts. I walked out of my apartment without saying a word to anyone, because I didn't want to lose my nerve. Eric wanted to come with me, but I told him that I was just going to get something from Stacy, at the front desk.
The elevator came and I got on. I pressed three and a little tingle went through me, like it always does when I'm on my way to see Trey.
I fought off the feeling of excitement that I always get as I walked to his door. I rang his bell, and knocked on his door. I geared myself up to just kick him and run as soon as he opened his door.
He opened his door and gave me his award winning smile, and I lost my nerve.
"How come you didn't use your key?" He asked me.
"Because, I came to give it back." I lied. I tried to make my tone sound over the top angry. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and tried to extract his keys from the ring. I had a hard time getting the keys off the ring. Trey offered to do it for me, so I handed him my keys, like a big dummy. He took the keys and tossed them into his apartment.
"What the hell are you doing? Give me back my keys!" I demanded.
"Go get them." Trey said as he calmly opened the door wider for me to go inside.
"I'm not going in there." I said it as if his apartment was some spooky cave or something.
"E." Trey gently pulled me inside. I tried to pull away, but not hard enough.
"Look, I just want to drop off your keys, pick up anything of mine, and I'm out." I told him.
"Then that's it?" He asked.
"Yuuup." I said, mocking him. I walked over to his sofa and picked up my keys. I saw one of my sweaters draped across his chair and I picked that up too. I tried to get the keys off of the ring again. Trey offered to help again.
"No thanks, I'll do it." I walked past him to his kitchen. I needed a knife or something. I picked up a knife from the rack and Trey asked me what was I going to do with the knife.
"I could kill you." I said.
"Don't do that, baby."

Entry 46 cont'd
He had given me no inclination that he'd done anything like kiss another girl, and whatever else they'd done. I don't believe for one minute that he didn't sleep with her.
I told him that I don't believe him, and I left him standing in the lobby. When Chrissy and I got to my apartment, CoCo and Lovey were there. They greeted me with hugs and excitement. They wanted to know how the trip had gone and they wanted their souvenirs. I told them to knock themselves out. I dropped my carry on bag on the floor and went straight to my room. I fell on top of my bed and I let the tears flow. I hate feeling like this.
What am I supposed to do now? I don't want to let him go, but after what he did, I have to let him go. How can I be his girl and not have to face the embarrassment and humiliation every single day?
How am I supposed to wake up tomorrow, go downstairs, and crawl into bed with him for a quickie before work? How am I going to wake up tomorrow and not go downstairs for a quickie before work?
He knows how much he's a part of my life. He knows how devastated I was the last time we broke up. He told me that he never wanted us to break up. What did he expect from me? Does he think that I'm the kind of woman who'll just accept his cheating ways, and just live on like some shell of a human being? I'm just supposed to tuck away my feelings and get over his mistakes because he's Trey Songz, R&B's hottest sensation?
Damn. This can't be happening to me. I can't be sitting here, my mind telling me to break up with him, but my heart telling me to stay.
I want to kick his ass, for real. I should just go downstairs, knock on his door, and when he opens it, I should kick him square in the nuts. That'll teach him not to cheat on me.
I can't get those pictures out of my head. He looked as if he didn't have a care in this world while he was cupping her ass. And that kiss...Damn, Trey. You really did me wrong. You deserve a kick in the nuts. I'm going down there.

Entry 46
I couldn't wait to get out of Miami. No offense to the people who live there, but that place can fall off the map for all I care. I'm never going back there. I didn't speak much to anyone on the plane and I didn't sit next to Trey. I ignored him all the way home.
When we landed at JFK I told my bodyguards that I wanted to take a cab home. They didn't want me to ride home alone, so Chrissy said she'd ride with me. The guys got our luggage and said they'd meet us back at my place.
Trey and I exchanged one long look as he watched me get into the cab. I could tell that he thought that I was going to ride back in his truck with them. He thought wrong.
My heart broke as the cab pulled off. He has no idea what he's done to me.
He sent me a text not long after the cab left the terminal. He wanted to know why had I left him like that.
I wanted to know if he was on drugs.
He wanted to know if I still love him.
I told him not to ask me stupid questions. Then I turned off my phone.
When we got back to my building, I told my driver to circle my block again so that I could avoid going up in the elevator with Trey.
He was waiting for me by the mailboxes. He told me that all he wanted to do was talk, so I let him. He told me that he was so wrong for what he had done. He told me that it had happened during the time his album had gotten leaked, and he was only trying to laugh and joke to relieve his stress. He said that the kiss was a mistake, but Jess knew that he didn't mean anything by it.
He was saying all of the things he was supposed to say, all of the things that I knew he would say. Of course he'd say he was sorry. He was wrong. He'd made a mistake. It was all a lie, and I wasn't buying it. He had known what he was doing when he'd done it.
What really gets to me is that not too long after his album got leaked, and I saw how much pressure he was under, and how it was affecting our relationship, I asked him for a break. He's the one who said that we didn't need one.

C'mon now, stop doing this to us. I feel like I'm watching a movie on Netflix, just when it gets to the good parts, it wants to buffer. This is not fair!!! You know exactly what you are doing, making us suffer on purpose. It's cool though, I'm still gonna be here when you decide to show up...........still here, not going anywhere. I'm waiting *tapping fingers on the table*** OASN: this is a great story, it's getting juicy like a Georgia peach!! Can't wait for the next post.

Entry 45 cont'd
"So you're telling me that I can get with one of my male friends and make out with him and whatever in front of people who know that I'm with you, and not give a fuck about how it looks, and you'd still want to be with me?" I asked him.
Trey didn't answer me and I took that as a sign that he knew where I was coming from. I told him that he was stupid for doing what he did in front of people because one of those so called friends of his ended up betraying him. I also told him that just being around him made me feel stupid. Being down here made me feel even more stupid.
"That chick smiled up in my face, and she knew all along that she could have you at any given moment. What kind of fool do you think I am, Trey? You let your money and fame go to your head. Remember, that shit doesn't impress me. I was born with status, bitch." I know that I shouldn't have called him a bitch, but I needed to put emphasis on my statement.
Of course, he didn't like being called a bitch, and he lit into me. The way he called me a bitch made me want to crawl under a rock, but at the same time, it made me want to physically hurt him. When he told me that I was pampered and spoiled and I'd be lost without my family's money, that was it for me. I picked up one of the Bienvenidos a Miami glasses we'd purchased yesterday and hurled it at him. I aimed for his head, but he's lucky it hit the wall. On second thought, I'm lucky it hit the wall. That's what Trey was saying to me as he grabbed me and flung me onto the bed. The bodyguards all ran in and Kenny grabbed Trey and pulled him out of the room.
Chrissy made sure that I was alright and Eric and Charles just stood there as if they were in shock.
I cried into my pillow and so what if I looked like a big baby. There was nothing else I could do. I was at a loss for words and no matter what they said to me, my bodyguards couldn't cheer me up. Finally they just left me alone.
Now Trey is gone, and I'm all messed up. This is crazy.

OH LAAAWWDDD TREY!!!!! tht is definitely cheatin in my book no matter how u sugar coat it dont give a fuck if yall was playin tht shit was low down thts y he aint tell her u done fucked up trey essence i need more of this like FOR REAL lol u need to publish this its too damn good

Entry 45 cont'd
I demanded to know when he'd cheated. The pictures looked recent, and the setting looked familiar. I looked at one of the pictures and I recognized the background. It was the studio back in New York. The place where Trey had been spending most of his time, working on his album. Other people were there, too. I saw his assistant, I saw his best friend, and I saw Jasmine! I stared extra hard at Jasmine's image in the picture. She was sitting off to the side on a stool. She was staring at Trey and Jess, too, and her face looked the same way that I was feeling.
"Jasmine tried to warn me. She kept throwing out hints that you were a lying dog." I said to him.
Trey told me that he had only kissed Jess. He said that the shot of him pouring the liquor on her was just a joke. He said that he and Jess go way back, and that that was the first and only time they'd acted that way with each other. He told me that they had only been joking around.
He came over to me and put his arm around my waist. He whispered in my ear that he was sorry. He told me that he would never do anything like that again. I began to cry again. I let him hold me.
"We gon be in the hall. Y'all stay calm in here." Eric said as they all walked slowly out of the room.
"Baby, I never had sex with Jess. What you saw in the pictures was all that happened. For real."
"And I'm supposed to believe you, right?" I pulled away from him, although, I wanted to believe him. I wanted to stay in his arms, but instead I began to call him names again. I told him to get the hell out of my life. I told him that it was over and that I would never take him back.
He told me that it wouldn't be that easy to break up with him. He told me that it wasn't going to be over just because I said it was. He said that he was tired of me calling it quits whenever I felt like it. He said that love doesn't work like that.
I really went off then, only I did it in a very condescending way, and Trey hates that. I glared at him.

These stories are No good for me at Work!!..I'm all in it!...got people asking saying.."I know your work can't be that interesting" lol..shame shame..this ish is getting better and better..next entry please

Entry 45 cont'd
I refused to leave the room. Instead I began to curse Trey out. I know all rational thought left my brain as I called him all kinds of vile and disgusting names. I cursed him out like I didn't know him and I told him that I wished that I didn't know him. I told him that I felt disgusting for having slept with him, because I didn't know who the hell he'd been with.
'You could've been with that bitch, Jasmine, too. Is that it? Is that why she put me through all of that bullshit?" I was out of my mind, and I accused him of making a fool of me with Jasmine.
I flung myself at him and tried to scratch his face, but he caught me by my arms. His grip was so tight, I thought he'd stop the circulation in my arms. He lifted me off the floor and warned me to calm down.
"Oh, hell, no! Get your boy, man!" Chrissy said.
"Put her down, man." Charles told Trey. He lowered me back to the floor, but he didn't let me go. He pulled me to him. I tried to push away from him.
"You cheated on me!" I screamed.
"I didn't cheat on you." He said in a flat tone.
"So what do you call it, then?" I asked.
"Y'all need to leave the room." Trey told the bodyguards. None of them budged.
"Just calm down a little, and talk bout this." Eric said.
"There's nothing to talk about. The evidence is right in my face, and I'm not stupid. You think I'm a fool, don't you? Don't you?" I began to cry openly. I felt embarrassed, hurt, and confused. I honestly couldn't stand him at that moment.
I made him let me go. I walked around the room, not knowing what to do. Eric told Trey that they couldn't leave us alone while we were this upset. Chrissy asked me if I wanted to go outside for some air. I just wanted to fade into thin air. He had cheated on me. Those pictures clearly showed a prelude to what I was convinced had happened. I just couldn't believe that he'd had the gall to bring me down here to meet his sideline ho. He disrespected me in the worse way possible. How could he betray me like that?

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