Lessons from a 'bitch' goddess

May 7 2003By Lily Bragge

Mistress J, the dominatrix with a PhD.

Rubbing her hands with glee, Mistress J can't quite believe her luck. Not only does she get to indulge in what was once her secret amateur passion - dressing up and playing sex games - she gets paid handsomely ($250 an hour) for the privilege.

Five years ago, former academic and PhD Jody Hanson quit her job as a New Zealand university lecturer to become a professional dominatrix, a queen of the sex industry. Mistress J, as she is now known, apprenticed herself to an Auckland-based dominatrix, Mistress Margaret, and learnt the basics before setting up shop, er, dungeon.

Having cast aside caution, superannuation and secure employment, Mistress J says she fast-tracked her apprenticeship by becoming highly skilled in nine months. For the past two-and-a-half years, Mistress J has lived in Melbourne, dividing her time between writing and working as a dominatrix from her dungeon in Fitzroy.

The two general prototypes of dominatrices are the "bitch goddess" and the "mummy figure". Mistress J practises as the former. She prefers to think of herself and her colleagues as empresses rather than queens - they rule their little empires mostly as benevolent dictators - where all of them are feted by their adoring male subjects.

Trust is an integral part of what goes on in the dungeon. The client relinquishes all power and responsibility to Mistress J, who approaches every job with a sense of theatre: "It's all acting and I absolutely love it."

Clients each have their own "script", and Mistress J is the supporting actress. Once negotiations are over, she orders the client to undress and kneel naked on the floor, assuming a position of submission. She leaves the room and re-enters in character.

In an industry where there are definite use-by dates for women over 40, Mistress J says that, generally, the older you are as a dominatrix, the better. Having just turned 50, she believes that no woman should remotely entertain the idea of becoming a dominatrix before the age of 35.

"You can't take a gorgeous young Barbie girl and have her be a convincing dominatrix. She just doesn't have the necessary authority," she says.");document.write("

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Mistress J plans to follow in the thigh-high boots of an elite group of septuagenarian dominatrices who are still successfully wielding their business whips in Los Angeles.

She says being a dominatrix is like being a restaurant: "People come and order various dishes, and I give them what they want."

Of course, there is also the quality of the establishment. She doesn't consider herself a low-rent, fast-food outlet, she's top of the range - her restaurant is exclusive. Likening a street prostitute to the equivalent of a greasy spoon cafe, Mistress J sees herself at the other end of the scale - the veritable sexual Circa of Melbourne.

"Sex is cheap, but domination isn't," she says.

In domination there is no penetrative sex. Mistress J is adamant that the whole process is purely mental. Nor is there much in the way of skin contact. There are, however, other delicacies on offer.

"People who want to be caned want to be caned by me because they can't get their wife to do it to them," she says. Privacy and discretion are paramount to any good dominatrix, and her clients are assured of both.

In the time Mistress J has been practising as a dominatrix, she has "crossed over" and pursued some kind of sexual relationship with four clients.

A man she calls "Mark" has helped her write a book (yet to be released) based on role reversal, where the two of them alternate between being sexually submissive and dominant. "Mark" was single when they met two years ago, but has since married. His encounters with Mistress J are a complete secret from his wife, friends and family.

With the release of her other book, Private Theatre - Mistress J: Personal observations and revelations of a dominatrix, she hopes to open public debate about the sex industry and its practices.

The tone of her book belies her vivacious personality. Private Theatre is written in true, dry academic style. It's clinical and a tad school-marmish. Despite the shocking revelations of her client's individual fetishes, it is not at all salacious or titillating.

It seems bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism are a white man's sport. Her clients are predominantly wealthy, powerful, middle-class professionals. In Auckland, Mistress J serviced a disproportionate number of pilots, and in Melbourne it's solicitors who like frocking up in a French maid's outfit and copping a right good caning. Women are rarely clients.

Mistress J believes powerful men are so stressed in their daily lives that it is a relief (both sexual and mental) for them to relinquish all power and responsibility in the confines of the dungeon. She says that most of her client's fetishes are derived from specific childhood experiences.

Many dominatrices have personal slaves. Mistress J doesn't mind slaves in small doses but is loathe to have one full-time. "When I was in Auckland, I had a food slave who cooked for me a few times a week. To have one full-time though, they'd be worse than a four-year-old; totally demanding, they'd drive me nuts. The slaves that I do have are also personal friends.

"There was one slave who begged me to take full responsibility for him. He phoned me up and said, 'Oh Mistress, Mistress, please let me be your slave and I'll do whatever you want, let me worship at your feet and here's my P.I.N number and just give me an allowance . . .', that kind of thing. I just went, no thanks. That's too much responsibility and far too much work."

Mistress J and Mistress Margaret have opened The Domina Reform School (for good girls who'd rather be bad). The school's primary focus is their motto, "Control the cock, control the man".

Dedicated to the pursuit of decadence and hedonism, the two dominatrices conduct seminars with class sizes of no more than 10 women and three or four male practice tools. The female students pay a mere $100 to learn the basics (in a three-hour introductory course), while the male participants are charged $300 for the privilege of being blindfolded and beaten.

She says the essence of her profession is the fact that there will always be willing clients who just want to be tied up and tortured for a while.

"Sensuality, teasing, pain, pleasure, sexuality and intensity are the key concepts in the dungeon - that and trust. Trust is absolutely essential."

- Private Theatre - Mistress J: Personal observations and revelations of a dominatrix, is published by Domina Books and available at most book stores for $19.95.