Saturday, December 03, 2016

When Oliver Hardy kicked a football, it went down five flights of stairs and hit a man right in the head and his hair fell forward and he looked just like one of the Beatles! Although his hair was somewhat sandy, which reminded me more of the Beach Boys’ Dennis Wilson, and he was angry, because of the football, which reminds me of my great grandmother, Ignatia, who detested football in all its forms, mostly because, she hated everything, which makes me laugh now. Oh thank you Grandmommy, for making me laugh this rainy day in December! Although it isn’t raining yet. It probably really won’t. But sometimes you just get this feeling in your bones. I remember the Beach Boys said this in one of their songs. I forget who sang it – I think the dead one.

There was a swirly stripe on the tri-colored lollipop that I used to buy at the zoo that was the exact same color as the letter border on my bank portfolio from Delaware that arrived in the mail today even though I threw it in the trash compactor after I thought about it, once I looked at it, right before I got home and checked my bank balance.

Thursday, December 01, 2016

There’s a small barber shop in a small town in New York where it is almost impossible to get a shave. Men line up for hours in advance and stay there throughout the day waiting for a shave. When there are hurricanes, they hold onto street signs and cover themselves with sheets of plastic or canvas. When it snows, they wear warm mufflers and drink thermoses filled with hot cocoa. In the springtime, they enjoy the May blossoms but they are often sneezing and wheezing to beat the band. The summers, however, are perfectly fine. In this town, it never gets terribly hot in the summer, and so waiting for a shave can be a pleasant experience in July, or even August, particularly if there is someone next to you in line who is a good conversationalist and the thermos that you usually use for hot cocoa is filled with lemonade. Not brandy. But brandy can be nice when you are talking about the weather. Still –

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

It rained tonight. But first the moon rose in the sky. Between those two things, a dog barked. After those two things it rained, and someone played the guitar. Later, someone ate an old-fashioned donut. Someone else was screaming in another country. For no reason. Someone learned German.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Her ballet slippers and what do you suppose someone is doing with them unless they have feet the size of Anna Pavlova feet that can’t dance in them and if they loved them enough to steal them and even if they fit nice and snug they probably aren’t dancing with them anyway they love them too much

Anna Pavlova’s ballet slippers are in a dusty old shoe box somewhere saying Lo I am Anna Pavlova’s ballet slippers! which you can’t hear because of shoe tinny voices but they keep saying it anyway they hope something will come of it and they will dance

Unlikely. meanwhile, her regular slippers are under the bed, and the TV is on. At first it’s a commercial for cheese snacks, and then a ride in the country in a Chevy, and then It’s some evangelist telling us we must pray to God or you just can’t imagine the awful you just can’t imagine

Said that we don’t travel in a circular method, but in a spiral, like a corkscrew, like a corkscrew! Which means that you go from a high place to a low place swirling, then embedded in a tree from Portugal temporarily, until we feel the force of the ages upon us and the sweet perfect aromas of cedar and mint and plum and cassis or maybe honeysuckle and kiwi and melon and gooseberry which you are quite near for a moment but only for a moment, and then all that one might find in a garbage can: eggs, corned beef hash, watermelon rinds, chicken fat, cigarette butts, periodicals that were never read and next there is the quiet, the lack of any real conversation and then jarring, and tumbling, and travel: who knows where we are going now? Who knows? But it’s very exciting!

Friday, July 29, 2016

My favorite squares are the ones you see on the trampoline as you are about to touch it with your feet.My favorite circles are the circles that are made by Vitamin B6 tablets.My favorite pens are the fuzzy topped ones that look like ice creams cones if you see their shadows on the wall.My favorite grandfathers are the ancient grandfathers from Constantinople or the fuzzy haired rock stars from the ’70’s when they become grandfathers after they settle down.My favorite name is Vitalis.My favorite smell is Vitalis.My favorite crutches are made of maple wood and smell like breakfast cereals with milk.My favorite guns are ones that are owned by people named Ed.My favorite color is Tutti Frutti, said really slowly.My favorite candy bar was made by the Mennonites in the 17th century and consisted mostly of flax seed and millet and apples and hominy and secret ingredients.My favorite time is the time you find on a clock.My favorite lock is made out of hair that looks like a real lock.My favorite church is the one with the tricycles and helmets and boxes of Goobers.My favorite President is George Washington, Sr.My favorite time to say “Señor” is when I am praying real loud in a barn.My favorite peanut butter sandwich has a base note of cassis and lavender.My favorite mustache is chopped off and in a box labeled “fresh minnows”My favorite perfume says Parfum on it.My favorite music I can’t tell you about.My favorite Atom Bomb was in a cartoon.My favorite word is why not.My favorite wrecking ball is made of peppermint. And steel.My favorite place in heaven is the gift shop.My favorite termite dances just like Christopher Walken.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

THE DOCTOR SAID: “THIS MEDICATION SHOULD BE TAKEN WITH FOOD, BUT FEW PEOPLE KNOW HOW MUCH FOOD” (THIS MEDICATION SHOULD BE TAKEN WITH)

I nodded and smiled. I nodded because I agreed, that most people probably did not know how much food the medication should be taken with, and I nodded because I was one of those people who did not know how much food this medication should be taken with. Besides that, I was always told to nod in agreement when someone makes a point, particularly if you feel that it is an interesting point, or a point that they appear to find interesting themselves, or a point that someday you might find interesting yourself.