Monday, February 21, 2011

Kevin and I watched the most amazing movie this weekend. Truly a classic, it has quickly become one of my all-time favorites. The movie? The Conqueror, starring John Wayne as... wait for it... Genghis Khan, and Susan Hayward as his Tartar bride.

The make-up! Never have I seen so convincing a turning of a white man into an Asian. The costumes! Authentic to the thread! I didn't know they had pink chiffon and sequins in Mongolia.

But the eye is not the only sensory organ so stimulated by this epic. The ears are joyously fulfilled by the smooth handling of the script. The lines simply roll from John Wayne's tongue like ... like... gumballs from a gumball machine, if the gumball machine had some sort of defect in construction. (I was never good with similies.)

And the script - those writers must have been awfully proud. I imagine they wrote home to their mothers as soon as the ink was dry on the page.

Need I mention the acting, with such big names as John Wayne, Susan Hayward, and Agnes Moorhead? If you thought John Wayne was good as a cowboy, you should see him portraying a Mongolian warrior cowboy - I mean, a Mongolian warrior! And Susan hayward as the Tartar princess - simply ravishing in all those white, glittery evening gowns, and the range of emotion expressed in her delicate features is simply spellbinding. (Honey, I think she's angry... or constipated... or in love? I can't tell, what do you think?)

If you have never seen this movie, you really must go rent it. Your life will be empty and meaningless unless you do!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I have had Alanis Morisette's song Ironic rumbling in my head for a few weeks now, and it wants to drive me insane.

I know there was a discussion about this when the song first came out, but I feel the need to rehash it because it's making me crazy.

An old man, turned 98He won the lottery, and died the next day

Maybe ironic if he'd always talked about winning the lottery and doing things with the money afterward. Otherwise I just don't see the irony of it. In order for there to be irony, you have to create a story to go with it.

It's a black fly in your chardonnay

No. I just think it sucks. Unless the irony is that a black fly is of a lower class than, say, a tsetse fly, and maybe the guy next to you is having a Coke and the tsetse fly landed there instead of your upper crusty chardonnay.

It's a death row pardon, two minutes too late

Okay, that one's kind of ironic.

It's like rain, on your wedding day

Not ironic. Unless maybe you had planned for a rainy wedding day and then decided at the last minute it wouldn't rain and threw away all your raincoats and umbrellas?

It's a free ride, when you've already paid

Maybe ironic. Again, I feel the need to create back-story to make it definite.

It's the good advice, that you just didn't take

Your own dumb fault. Not ironic.

Mr. Play-It-Safe, was afraid to flyHe packed his suitcase, and kissed his kids goodbyeHe waited his whole damn life, to take that flightAnd as the plane crashed down he thought, "Well isn't this nice?"

Mayyyyybe ironic. Did they discuss the safety record of this particular airplane or captain before they got on board?

A traffic jam, when you're already late

How is that ironic? I think it would be more ironic if you rushed to work so you wouldn't be late for your meeting with the boss and the boss was late. Maybe that would be ironic, if you were always running late and your boss was always early.

A "No smoking" sign, on your cigarette break

What kind of establishment do you work at that thinks it's funny to give you a smoking break and then say you can't smoke? Not ironic, just kind of twisted.

It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife

Why on earth are there 10,000 spoons? Are you in the spoon museum? If so, why did you expect to find a knife there?

It's meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife

Not ironic. Majorly bad timing on your part, though.

I think Alanis just has no idea what irony is.

Ask.com has a great example of irony:

* I have no doubt your theatrical performance will receive the praise it so richly deserves.

Such a statement is meant to both flatter and insult the recipient at the same time, because the intended recipient infers the statement to be a compliment, whereas everyone else in the room understands the underlying insult hidden within the statement.

Circumstantial irony - I think what Alanis was going for:

Irony can appear in other forms. It can be circumstantial or accidental. For example:

* An ambulance driver rushes to the scene of an accident, only to run the victim over, because the victim crawled into the middle of the street in the darkness of night.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I heard this song on the radio this morning and it started to annoy me. First of all, I dislike it because the local stations always put in their own words in the part where the radio announcer comes on and for some reason that drives me nuts. Second of all, what does it all mean?

Say you don't know me, or recognize my faceSay you don't care who goes to that kind of placeKnee deep in the hoopla, sinking in your fightToo many runaways eating up the night

Wha? Are those lines related to one another at all? What kind of place? How do you sink in your fight? And exactly what does hoopla smell like?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Humane Society of the United States and Humane Society International are currently hosting the Spay Day Online Pet Photo Contest. To enter the contest, just go to the website and upload a photo. You can also upload a photo memorial of a pet who is no longer with you.