Saturday, August 20, 2011

All or Nothing

It still amazes me how we people might perceive certain things other than they truly are. Specifically, how we see someone first, only to have our opinion change later on once we get to know the person. It happens all the time. Just think of a person you thought was this and that, and then once you got to know them better you realized how wrong your initial perception was..
I usually don't have many of those experiences due to my natural gift of perception and intuition (if no one praises you...) But I do have those moments and I am happy when the person turns out more beautiful than I originally thought.
But what amazes me the most is how I hear people tell me about their initial perception of me.. It's true, we live our lives within, it's the world we have inside ourselves. But I just didn't know how different my inner world could be from some of the perceptions people have of me. I believe it applies to many people though, I am not an individual case..
Basically most people who don't know me that well and I would say don't have those natural perceptive abilities think me as emotionally strong, determined to a core, extreme perfectionist with little tolerance for weaknesses.. Basically a super woman with high demands from herself and others..
Well let me tell you this. I am not even 50% of that. Yes, I am strong and a perfectionist, but when it comes to emotions, I am a as a woman as it can get. I just learned how to control it, and my natural optimism is my perfect mask. Perfectionism.. Yes, I get impatient when people don't get it, when they are slow and not bright enough. But it's because of my own demands from myself. Believe me I am the toughest on myself to be fast and bright. I just forget sometimes that those are demands for myself and not others.
I have a few weaknesses, we all do. But they are not the ones most people think. Some of them are my constant need to be the best I can be, to do better.. To feel guilty when not doing anything.. To compare myself to others.. To feel pain for the homeless. To cry when an animal is hurt... To run away from fights with a partner.. To not return his calls until I am emotionally ready.. To shut down if someone screams at me.. To not being able to return once I said No.. To expect either all or nothing at all..
But I am working on them, and I do accept the fact that some weaknesses I'll never overcome. If an animal suffers i'll cry when I am 92 y.o.. I'll never accept someone screaming at me. never. But I am making an effort to learn to see the shades of grey, to let myself be lazy sometimes, to respond even if I don't want to, to not expect perfectionism from others.
In the end, learning to embrace my strengths more, which are much much grander than my weaknesses.

We'll never be perfect but we can be perfectly compatible with some. It's the knowledge of one's strengths and weaknesses, acceptance of them and authentic life that brings one closer to those who are compatible. This creates harmony where all traits become strengths.
Summary: Live your life authentically, accept yourself and let others be who they are. Follow your heart. and remember that we all have different worlds within ourselves so never take anything personally. For the person who seems invincible and strong might be the most vulnerable one. Know thyself and let others be.