Author Archives: Tiers of Beauty

One of the toughest questions I’ve had to face is “When does God heal and when does He not heal?”. It is tough because I believe with all my heart that it is His primary will to heal but that sometimes because of us, His secondary will is what happens, and sometimes neither option occurs and what happens is actually because of our agreement with the devils’ purposes. I’m not talking about God having plan A or plan B, I’m talking about Him working within the framework that He GAVE us our free will and He refuses to take it back. He so refused to take it back that He sent His son to DIE. Quite a cost for God who really could do anything…

He GAVE us our free will and He refuses to take it back. He so refused to take it back that He sent His son to DIE. Quite a cost for God who really could do anything…

So what do we do when the healing we are contending for hides? Perhaps, make good choices? I’ve struggled through wondering if I’m being faithless to ‘take matters into my own hands’ but now I see it as a matter of stewardship. Have you ever wondered why some famous faith healers died from health issues? I’m sure it wasn’t a matter of faith. How about a matter of

I’ve struggled through wondering if I’m being faithless to ‘take matters into my own hands’ but my lens has been replaced to see the consequence of choice. Have you ever wondered why some famous faith healers died from health issues? I’m sure it wasn’t a matter of faith. How about a matter of choice though? I couldn’t tell you for sure, but it would make more sense to me that how their bodies were stewarded with food might have something to do with it. If we choose to eat harmful substances, is it truly God’s responsibility to heal us knowing that we will continue to make the same choices over and over? I don’t know for sure because He certainly does intervene in lives who return to old habits, but the fruit of the old habits doesn’t change does it? One healing, or lifetime responsibility…hmmm, what would I do if I was training my child?

God GAVE us DOMINION over the earth. Consequently, I have confidence that He wants us to exercise dominion over our own bodies first. The most difficult lesson I’ve learned in the last 2 years is to partner with God in my will and that I must take action. He has called us each to Him and to fulfill assignments while we partner with Him, but partnership requires choice and follow through. He has promised to provide what we need, and we need the faith to believe that He will provide while we obey. We can not be sitting and waiting for an intervention in order to do what He has given us the resources to do on earth for ourselves and others. Grow your faith, but grow while taking action! God will provide and guide when you say YES to the journey. I want to grow my faith and my maturity simultaneously! In my mind it doesn’t get better than this; lifetime responsibility AND healings along the way!!

I leaned against the wheel and took a deep breath. The unusual silence in the car only enhanced the glittering joy in the heavens. My stiffened feelings stretched out again as I assessed the uncertainty ahead, but the warmth in the atmosphere was assuring. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my aunts entering the little hospital and I deftly grabbed my keys, phone and purse before I slammed the door shut and ran towards them in the crisp night air.

Stilling my thoughts, I felt the pervading peace as I quietly stepped into the room. Despite the weightiness of the moment, all present carried themselves with extra grace, as if to ease the discomfort of the loved one in their midst as his eyes fluttered in the effort to focus on nearby faces. Feelings of insignificance drained to my feet as the warmth of value emanated through me. The heightened emotions of each one present enhanced cognizant value of life, and I couldn’t help but make note of the way being surrounded by offspring at the launching of the rest of life is the reward for serving the future in early adulthood.

I once felt I saw death eyeing me up but I didn’t really care. The fear of it had been ripped out of me with the disappearance of my sister, but in losing the fear of death, I forgot the will to live. I lost tenacity, I lost vision. My vision cleared as my eyes blurred. With gratitude, I reached for the weak hand that recognized touch and saw the sigh in his retracted face. A knowing came over me and I spoke to the spirit of the man who gave life to my mother. Sorrow for a moment, but not only sorrow, a strange emotion mingled with it as I thought of who was waiting on the other side of the veil, the thin, thin veil. The message was brief but broke the floodgates. I was jealous. I could see them in my mind’s eye peering and waiting with joy while my tears fell. It’s hard to stay sad in front of all. that. joy.

The drive home was a quiet one with kids sleeping and time to think. I’m still surprised I have never analyzed why I care to live. If it would be me, or the end of my long life, what would I leave? I don’t have great skills or talents to offer the world if I stay, but jealousy robs the moment and I’d rather not lose what I have to jealousy. Death’s backlash is that it’s existence provides purpose to life. Resolve rose like a geyser with the last layer of resistance giving way to the strength acquired from seeing the end of the road. Stars flew by and I was filled with the echoes of laughter and escalation of hilarity that seemed to follow her everywhere. It’s not right that she’s not here being sad. She’s not supposed to be waiting, she’s supposed to be with me.

Time goes on, and the daily tasks of life pulled on me as I waited to hear the news. “Should I call or text?” my mom said. With death expected, a text just seemed to casual. “Call, I’d rather hear from a voice” I responded. The water ran warmly over the strainer as I scrubbed the grime off. Squeaky voices shrieked as they tore around the house playing tag, the latest trend. Little ones with hearts to raise, gifts to grow and steward, and the phone rang. “He’s gone,” my mother’s voice came clear. “He slipped away when no one was looking”. ‘He always liked being sly’ I thought to myself, and just like that, my Grandpa’s work was done. One thought filled my heart.

“It’s my turn to live…it’s my turn to LIVE…I’ll never have a chance like this again.”

Matthew 25:14-29

For it is just like a man going on a journey. He called his own slaves and turned over his possessions to them. To one he gave five talents; to another, two; and to another, one-to each according to his own ability. Then he went on a journey. Immediately the manwho had received five talents went, put them to work, and earned five more. In the same way the man with two earned two more. But the man who had received one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground, and hidhis master’s money.

After a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them. The man who had received five talents approached, presented five more talents, and said, ‘Master, you gave me five talents. Look, I’ve earned five more talents.’

His master said to him, ; Well done, good and faithful slave! You were faithful over a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master’s joy!’

Then the man with two talents also approached. He said, ‘Master, you gave me two talents. Look, I’ve earned two moretalents!’

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You were faithful over a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master’s joy!’

Then the man who had received one talent also approached and said, ‘Master, I know you. You’re a difficult man, reaping where you haven’t sown and gathering where you haven’t scattered seed. So I was afraid and went off and hid your talent in the ground. Look, you have what is yours.’

But his master replied to him, ‘You evil, lazy slave! If you knew that I reap where I haven’t sown and gather where I haven’tscattered, then you should have deposited my money with the bankers. And when I returned I would have received my money back with interest.

So take the talent from him and give it to the one who has 10 talents. For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have more than enough. But from the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.’

Grace is quite possibly one of the most underestimated aspects of kingdom living. It is understood to be unmerited favor and undeserved kindness however, it’s power goes beyond that. In order to work, grace must be extended to self, it must be unattached to being deserved or not, and it must be free of appearance. To become is a beautiful gift that releases life into the soul and in the process what matters most is made tangible. Life and freedom and purpose flow out of grace released by faith. Grace is ours for greatness.

Faith is key in the process of receiving grace as it takes believing in one greater than oneself for grace (as defined as unmerited favor) to have meaning. In Hebrews 11:1 faith is defined as ‘confidence in what is hoped for’, and a reflection of moving forward in confidence is what we define as works. Great good works flow out of the confidence to live an actualized life free from fear based manipulation.

GRACE + FAITH = WORKS BY ACTUALIZATION

According the Everett Shostrom [2]”The actualizer is able honestly to BE his feelings, whatever they may be. He is characterized by candidness, expression, and genuinely being himself [2] whereas a manipulator uses tricks, techniques, and maneuvers.”

The actualized person is full of grace. The energy wasted by a manipulator is saved by the actualizer and put into the process of becoming. The manipulator is constantly afraid of being found a fake, or worse, for others to discover self-serving motives and see through their apparent goodness. The actualizer has nothing to fear because nothing has been concealed. His or her extension of grace towards self creates the freedom to fail or succeed without ego taking a hit.

There is a precious balance between works and grace. It is so easy to fall into “I get what I deserve” mindsets as this is the normal rule we all learn to live by. In no way do I contest that we need to live responsibly and manage ourselves and our resources well and in fact, I see it as necessary, but as a foundation and not a destination. To rise above the limitations of the earthly realm and begin to really live in the realm of the Kingdom of Heaven, certain over-riding truths need to be understood well enough to co-operate with them. Just like understanding gravity has enabled us to rise above its limitations, works are very much like the base that we need to understand and co-operate with. It is grace that enables us to fly despite natural limitations that would keep us from greatness. Faith is needed in order to put this to use.

I heard about this concept several years ago when I listened to a message by John Bevere saying that grace is not only favor, but imparted ability given in order to accomplish kingdom purposes. His words revived hopeless places in my heart; things I saw the end of but didn’t know how to begin. Honestly, what I had to work with looked so hopeless it just made me sick. It began to dawn on me that what I was experiencing were the handcuffs of pride and comparison. I chose hope.

Laying down all self-respect and lofty goals, I found a humble route that presented itself and began to sing once a week with 5 others.

Finally, I didn’t care if my voice measured up to my dreams and aspirations. The aspirations didn’t matter anymore, AND NEITHER DID ANYONE’S OPINION. What did matter is that I finally had a place utilize my passion and no one around to make me feel dumb. I just simply sang.

After about a year, I decided to utilize some techniques I had stumbled upon and shortly thereafter my first dream of having vibrato took place! The exercises worked, but they wouldn’t have if I hadn’t tried them. Point being that working worked but faster than normal. A year after that, I realized I only had one kind of vibrato and there are two sounds (the second one being the resonance created from proper positioning of muscles in the throat and mouth). This time I had a friend who was willing to give me a little voice lesson, and after about 20 minutes including an interruption or two from sad kids, she taught me several key components that unlocked my ability further. Now I’m solidifying what I learned, but I have a ‘new’ voice and I don’t sound strange anymore.

Two learning moments happened and skill grew quickly. Contrast that with the 4 years I took voice lessons and didn’t see nearly the same results. The new abilities felt like giftedness and the only difference for me was that striving ceased and rest increased.

This is what I call favor. This is what I call grace.

Step out to do what matters to your heart. Choose not to care about comparison but to enjoy what you already have. Grow when you see the need. This is shame-free living. Shame…pride…they are friends, but not my friends and I couldn’t be happier.

Actualization [1] which is “to be functioning more fully than the average person and living an enriched life by using all the potentials available to him” is the absence of the need to protect oneself and one of the major dangers we have to protect ourselves against is our own opinion. Grace frees us from being frozen self critics.

Grace protects identity.

Grace transforms ability.

It puts faith where it belongs and creates new opportunities to be actualized. Grace enables us to become all we can be without pride and shame weighing in. Grace empowers and removes restrictions that aren’t valid. Self-given grace strengthens purpose and allows us to delight in who we are today instead of focusing on how far it is until we arrive. When we also receive it from God, it is accompanied by power to accomplish His will and possibly acceleration toward this end. By grace, we can access ALL WE NEED for LIFE.

The phrase echoed through my head. Every time insufficiency constricted my ability to hope, I heard it.

“Do not despise the day of small beginnings”.

I lagged around, drolly attending my household duties and contemplated the ‘what ifs’. Depression followed me as I moved through daily repetitions. The tension increased as I thought about dreams fallen through the cracks like the water from my hot tub when it overflowed. Only after two disastrously watermarked ceilings, and numerous towels and fans later was it contained. I don’t want my life to leak anymore.

My heart echoed the message it heard years ago.

“You have to start somewhere, and just decide not to care how bad you are when you do. People who are faithful in the insignificant go on to be great at it if they persist. You can’t expect expertise when what you really need is experience.”

What if time wasn’t the limit I assumed it was? All of my perceived limits fell back as if they knew they weren’t adequate in the face of tenacity. Kids, money, time. Not a reason not to DO.

As hope rose and I caught my breath, the orange glow of the sun glinted off my coffee table and I realized happiness was a thought away.

Life can bring a lot of blows, everyone knows this. I used to think I could react however I decided but had a sad awakening to the reality that some things are wired in so deep that willpower alone couldn’t change it. How frightening given the way my reactions impact those closest to me, not to mention myself. I determined to temper how I expressed my reaction but found my deepest failures corresponded with my greatest pressures. What if there is a way we can all choose how we want to react, and hard wire it in so we don’t have to waste energy reacting to reactions? What if there are tools that are simple enough for anyone to use?

Reaction is defined as ‘An action performed or a feeling experienced in response to a situation or event.’ The speed at which a reaction occurs naturally indicates that we don’t choose how we react, we choose how we react to our reaction. Can you imagine living your whole life reacting to your reactions? No imagination necessary, we ALL do it but give me a break! Who wants to be stuck talking themselves out of trees day and night because something on the radar raised hackles?

I honestly wonder how much of my time I spend doing it. I’m sure there is an app somewhere to keep track, but it doesn’t take long to observe it’s effect on my emotional plane. The first several years of marriage..building trust and all that, were so full of self talk that went like this. “Why did he look at me that way? Is he mad at me because I didn’t have the meal on the table at 6? So what if it’s 8. I can’t believe he would have the nerve to expect me to be super-mom/wife, seriously, can’t he understand that I TRY MY BEST! (internal shriek). Maybe I should ask him if he’s upset with me for some reason, at least that way I can fight it out ifImust.”

Audibly. Tentatively. “Honey? Are you mad at me?”

Him “No, why would I be?”

Blowing my breath out in hesitant relief “Well, dinner’s late and I just thought, maybe, maybe you were annoyed.”

Reply “Oh weird. I was just thinking about work.”

Classic. Complete exhale while receiving happiness, relief, and hiding the fact I was so wound up over an imagined affront.

It only got to be annoying the hundredth time when I knew something else was the problem but I blamed myself automatically. So much energy wasted on needless reacting. Once I learned this tool, my life has become a succession of realization to healing to growth.

There are actually several effective ways to go about it and one I recommend is HeartPhysics by Dr. Jim Richards in which he explains the way to circumvent the brain and rewrite harmful core belief systems. Another method is working with someone trained in inner healing such as the Van Hook’s at Journey to Wholeness or Ray at Mining the Truth. Both of the latter ministries are people I have had personal contact with and find to be authentic and trustworthy. I’ve come to understand that HeartPhysics is a blanket approach that touches everything in your life, and the one-on-one inner healing approach is more of a targeted method, hitting specific hang-ups.

I encourage you to give yourself a break! Experience greater levels of freedom and peace by giving inner healing a chance in your life. Make stress the biggest loser and not your health or relationships. Did you know that stress is one of the greatest factors behind the development of chronic illness such as adrenal fatigue and cancer? I say it’s time to de-stress PERMANENTLY. If you are interested in inner healing but would like to know more, you are also more than welcome to contact me and I will do everything I can to assist you in getting started.