Today I Wanted to Quit

Today was a rough day. I can’t really identify why, but it was. Taking a step back, there’s not one clear thing that made today a “bad day”. But…it just wasn’t good.

I wanted to quit.

There are days where I don’t feel cut out for my job, my environment, my life as it is at the time. I wish I could go to something familiar; where people love me for me, where it’s not all about business, where I’m not oscillating between managing adults and supervising kids.

I know this is not forever. But it seems like it’s been long enough.

The truth is that it HASN’T been long enough. Because if it REALLY has been, God would have swooped in and changed the circumstances, and I’d be on to the next challenge. As much as life is about challenges, it’s about lessons. And there are things that I need to learn in this space so that I’m fully equipped for the things to come.

I wanted to quit today. It showed on my face. No less than 10 students who I love as if they are my own saw it on my face. I did them a disservice. I did me a disservice. I did God a disservice. Because despite how unhappy and dissatisfied I was with today, I am overwhelmingly blessed. I live a life of choice. I wasn’t worried about how I was going to provide dinner for myself. I wasn’t worried about where I was going to sleep tonight.

But just as I struggled with this feeling of wanting to quit, my mind sifted through the list of emails I received today. And my focus began to change. Because what I want to do now, is make tomorrow WAY better today. I hope I never have another today. (Technically I won’t, because it’s impossible, but you know what I mean). I have to choose to never have another today. I can’t control situations, I can’t control circumstances, but I can control me.

“…I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose… there are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it’s more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here’s the thing, I love the playing field.” -Greys Anatomy

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” -Galatians 6:9