Date: Fri, 03 Nov 2000 23:07:32 EST
From: Derik Blake
Subject: *Nsync with my Premonitions--Part 11
October 7, 2000
Derikab@hotmail.com
*Nsync with my Premonition-Part 11
As far as I know, no member of *Nsync is gay, much to the dismay of some of
us. I know I wish that at least one of them were. 8-D Anyway, if you're
too young, LEAVE NOW!!!! If you decide to stay, at least look over your
shoulder every once in a while to make sure no one else is reading.
Thanks to everyone who has sent me feedback. I really do appreciate it all.
I also wanted to plug my website, if you don't know about it already. It
is derikab.cjb.net. The story is posted a couple days in advance of Nifty.
For page counter reasons only. Please visit and sign the guestbook.
Thanks, again.
**Author's Note** This chapter will be like chapter 10. When you find a
single row of stars (* * * * *) chopping the page in half, I have switched
the point of view from Monty to JC. The reason is because if I didn't,
there would be a lot of information left out. You will understand after you
read this chapter. When you find the double stars (** ** ** ** **) chopping
the page in half, I have switched back to Monty's point of view. Thanks for
reading.
Chapter 11-Never Part
As I lay there, I began to feel as if something wasn't right. I had a sick
feeling at the pit of my stomach. I tried to forget about it when a flash
of light came to me. Then there was a vision of JC standing on a roof.
Only this time, I could see that he had a gun in his hand. Was I having a
premonition? I have never had one awake before. There was no lightning.
Then I saw JC raise the gun to his head. The picture left my mind but I
heard the gun fire.
"JC, NOOOOO!!!" I yelled, sitting upright.
I immediately dropped my head and put my hands on my lap. Tears started
flowing down my cheeks.
"Monty, it's ok, it's ok," Justin said putting his arm around me.
"No it's not," I said, crying. "JC just...." I started crying harder.
I leaned down and put my head on Justin's shoulder and reached around him
and held him tight, while I continued to cry.
* * * * * * * * * *
I heard the gun fire, but I missed. I ended up on the gravel topped roof
face down, and then I heard someone yelling at me. Lance had run and
attacked me in my back and when he did, my hand slipped so the gun was right
behind my head when it fired.
"Josh!!!! What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled at me while pulling the
gun away.
I didn't answer. I just laid there and continued to cry. I didn't know
what to do.
"JC," Lance screamed.
I still didn't answer.
He reached down and practically picked me up and stood me on my feet. He
saw that I had so much pain in me, but he didn't know that I would go to
such links as to make the pain leave.
"I asked you a fucking question," he said in an angry voice.
"I don't know," I said looking down.
"What do you mean you don't know? You almost killed yourself. What were
you thinking?" he asked with more concern in his voice.
"I don't know," I yelled back. I pulled away and turned and fell to my
knees.
"Why?" I started yelling.
Lance came around and kneeled down in front of me. He saw more pain and
took me in a hug. I tried to struggle free, but gave up. I collapsed in
his arms and started crying uncontrollably. Was I crying because of how
much I hurt Monty or was it because I missed and I'm still alive? I didn't
know the answer. At that point, I didn't want to. I just wanted to feel
secure with someone holding me.
After 10 to 15 minutes, I stopped crying so hard and Lance pulled me away to
look in my eyes. I tried to avoid his gaze, but he told me to look at him.
I looked in his eyes.
"Josh, I can see the pain your in, but this isn't the way," he said in a
loving, soothing voice.
"What else can I do? The one I love doesn't love me, anymore."
"I know what you mean. I really do."
"I hurt him so bad. He wouldn't even talk to me. He just ripped the
picture and ran." Crying a little harder now. "I tried to stop him. I
really did. I didn't mean for this to happen, Lance."
"I know, JC. I know."
He brought my head to his chest and I cried while he smoothed my hair.
"Is he gone?" I asked, sniffling.
"Who?" he asked, not moving.
"Monty. Did he die?"
"No. That's what I came to tell you. He's awake."
Pulling my head away, I looked at his eyes and asked, "He is?"
"Yes." He started smiling softly now. "After the doctors got his blood
pressure stable, he laid there for a few more minutes and Justin noticed
that his eyes were opened. That's why I came to get you."
Wiping my cheeks, I asked, "How did you know to come up here?"
"I didn't. Monty did."
"He told you to come up here?"
"Yup. Now I know why. Thank God I listened to him. C'mon, lets go see
him."
He pulled me up and took my hand in his and started walking back. I didn't
move and my hand slipped out of Lance's.
"What's wrong, JC?"
"He's not going to want to see me. Not after what I did."
"How do you know? He may be telling everyone to come and find you."
"Yeah, but my might be telling everyone not to let me come back in his room.
I think it's best if I just go and wait in the bus," I said as I
completely dried my face.
"Bullshit, JC. You're coming and that's final."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him, forcibly. I didn't bother
to struggle.
** ** ** ** ** ** **
As I continued to cry, Justin pulled away and asked why I yelled what I did.
"Because," I sobbed, "JC...just........"
"What?" Tony asked.
I started to cry harder and blurted the words out. "Killed himself." I
completely pulled away from Justin and he just stood there in disbelief.
"No he didn't," he told me. "He wouldn't do that. Josh wouldn't kill
himself."
"How do you explain this?" I cried, holding my hand open for them to see
JC's necklace. "He never takes it off."
I put the necklace on the bed and Justin backed up to sit in the chair and
put his head in his hands and started crying.
"JC wouldn't do that," he kept yelling. "It's not true. It can't be!!!!"
I brought my hands to my face and Tony came and consoled me.
"Did you see it?" Tony asked in a low whisper.
I nodded my head and collapsed in his arms, crying harder.
Joey went to hold Justin and Chris just stood alone, tears forming in his
eyes.
Mitchell walked over and took Chris in a hug and he cried aloud.
A few minutes later, we heard Lance enter the room and ask, "Why is everyone
crying?"
Justin jumped up and ran to Lance. "Where's JC. Where is he?"
"He's right here."
Turning around, he found that JC didn't follow him in the room. He stepped
back into the hall and grabbed JC's arm and pulled him in. Justin attacked
him in a hug.
"Thank God, you're alright," he said crying tears of joy. "I thought I lost
you."
"What do you mean? I just went for a walk," he said with a small smile.
"No you didn't, JC. Monty saw what almost happened," Tony informed him.
"What do you mean? I told you I went for a walk. I had to get out of here
for a minute. That's all."
"Then why did you have a gun to your head?" I asked in anger.
JC's face went white again. He knew that I saw what happened and didn't
know what to say.
Moving closer, JC told me he was sorry. I ignored him and stayed in Tony's
arms. I didn't want to see him.
"I'm sorry, Monty," he repeated.
"Just leave," I said, crying.
Without a word, JC left the room and Justin followed him.
Chris and Joey soon followed the other two and Lance was about to leave when
I called him over.
"Lance, I need you to keep an eye on him. Right now, I am more pissed than
I have ever been, but I don't want to see him hurt himself or any of you.
Please, just watch him and make sure he doesn't do anything else. Please."
Lance put his hand on mine and told me that he would.
"Go ahead and go. He needs you more than I do now. I'll be fine. Go,
please," I said with tears filling my eyes again.
Once he was out the door, I fell back on Tony crying. He just held me while
Mitchell looked on.
After two more days, I was released. Tony, Mitchell and I headed for home.
It was a long drive back to Nashville, but I slept most of the way there.
When we did arrive, I went up to bed. I was still tired after the accident
and the doctor told me to get as much rest as possible for the next week.
After my nap, I noticed that I forgot my things. I told Tony and Mitchell
about it and they said that they would get them back.
"No, I'll get them. I've got to check on the guys anyway."
"When are you going?" Mitchell asked.
"I'll wait for their concert in DC and drive over. It's about a week away.
But I'll be coming back that same day. I don't want to stay a minute more
than I have to."
Tony and Mitchell exchanged looks. They didn't think it was such a good
idea for me to get them, but I wanted to.
The week came and went and I slowly regained my strength. I started my
journey to DC for one reason only. To get my things. I wasn't going to let
JC or any of the others talk me into staying. I was coming back tonight.
After a long drive, I arrived at the arena.
I drove to the back and saw the busses along with the trailers that carried
the stage and props. I walked to the door and tried to open it, but found
that it was locked. I knocked but there was no answer. I tried every door
that I came to. All of them were locked. I knew I had to go in the front
and I didn't want to see JC.
I drove around and went to the doors.
"The concert is almost over," the woman behind the glass said. "Ticket
please."
I reached in my back pocket and got my neck pac and showed it to her.
"I'm with the concert. I'm just running late," I lied.
"Go ahead. Sorry about that."
I just smiled and proceeded through the door. I came to a guard and asked
where the backstage entrance was.
"It's at the front of the auditorium. Walk down the center isle and make a
left. The entrance will be on that side."
"Great," I said under my breath.
"Excuse me, sir?" the guard asked.
"Oh, nothing. Thanks."
When I opened the doors, the guys just finished a song. Now JC was saying
how he wanted to get closer to the audience. As I walked, I was hoping that
they wouldn't see me. I had to walk to the font of the stage to get back
stage. I didn't want to do this, but if I wanted my things, I had to.
I started down the isle and the fans were screaming so loud, it was hard to
hear anyone on stage. It was like that at the first concert. When I got
closer, JC started to stumble his words. I looked up and he was staring at
me.
'Damnit!!!!' I thought. 'I don't need this now.' I just kept walking and
turned left at the front. When I got backstage, I heard JC say that they
were going to take a short break and before I knew it, he and the other guys
ran through the curtain.
"Why did you take a break, JC?" Justin asked
JC just stared at me and Justin looked over.
"Oh," was all he said. "Hey, Monty," he said coming to hug me. I hugged
him and stared at JC. My look wasn't the nicest, so he decided to stay
where he was.
"How you feeling?" Chris asked, also hugging me.
"Fine. I'm feeling much better. Finally got my strength back, but I was
missing my suitcase." Looking at JC, I asked, "Do you still have it?"
With a frown on his face, he nodded.
"May I have it back, please?"
"Monty, can you wait till after the concert? We only have about another 20
minutes. We really need to get back onstage." Justin was pleading for me
to say yes with his eyes, so I gave in.
"Fine. I'll be right here when you finish."
I walked over to the couch and sat and the others returned onstage. JC was
the last to leave, just staring. Not knowing what to say, he slowly turned
his head and went back through the curtain.
When the concert was over, they all came back and said they were going to
change. All but JC. He came over and sat down next to me. I moved further
away from him and I knew it hurt him. I turned my head away from him and
not once looked his way.
"Are you still mad at me?" JC asked in a child's tone.
"Yes," I answered back, not looking.
"I'm sorry. I didn't......"
"JC," I said interrupting him. "I don't want to go into this now. I just
came to get my things. I'm not ready to talk to you yet."
"But, I just...."
"JC!!" I said again.
"Sorry," he said. "I'll leave you."
"Thank you," I said in a stern voice.
Once he was out of view, I started tearing up. I had so wanted to reach
over and take him in my arms, but I wasn't going to let him get off that
easy. I lowered my head and cried.
"Are you alright, Monty?"
Wiping my eyes, I looked up and saw Lance.
"Yeah," I said. "Just got something in my eye," I said, mocking him.
"Liar," he said with a smile. "Are you back for good or what?"
"I just came to get my things, then I am leaving to go home."
"Tonight?" he asked.
"Yes!" I said getting up and walking over to the others. "Can I get my
suitcase now?" I asked, looking at JC.
He didn't say anything; just lead the way for me to follow. The rest of the
guys followed as well. When we got to the bus, he walked in and returned a
few seconds later with my bags. When he stepped down, I grabbed them and
said thank you then turned to leave. JC just stepped back on the bus, and I
saw his shadow fall on the bed.
I walked around to my car and was opening the trunk when Lance came after
me.
"Monty, wait," he yelled.
"What is it, Lance?"
"Why don't you stay the night? It already past midnight and you should get
some rest before driving back."
"No thank you. I'll be fine," I said putting my suitcase in the trunk.
"Please," he asked, placing his hand on mine.
When he did, I felt a tingle in my spine. I ignored it and looked at him.
His puppy dog face wasn't helping me say no, so I agreed.
"But I'm sleeping with you tonight."
"I don't think JC will like that."
I looked at him square in the eyes and said, "Do you really think I care?"
"I don't think that's a good idea, Monty. I mean he still loves you. He'd
do anything to get you back."
"Well, I guess I better hit the road, then."
"Ok, fine. You can stay with me tonight, just please come back to the
hotel."
"You getting in or what?" I asked motioning to the passenger door.
He walked over and got in and I shut the trunk and started to drive away.
"Pull around back, so I can let them know your coming back with us."
I did as he asked and he told them, then we were off to the hotel.
When we got there, Lance and I waited in the lobby for the rest of the guys
and when they arrived we got on the elevator. On the ride up, there was an
uneasy silence filling the tiny room and no one moved. When the elevator
opened, JC was the first off and he headed for the room.
Leaning over to Lance, I asked, "Which one is yours?"
"We got the grand suite. All the rooms are off of the great room, as
usual."
This night just didn't seem to get any better. When JC got the door opened,
he stood inside waiting for the rest. Lance was third to enter and I was
right behind him.
"Which one?" I asked.
JC pointed to the right side of the room and Lance pointed to the left. I
went in the direction of Lance and saw JC's face fall. When I went in, I
dropped my bag and sat on the bed. Looking out the door, I saw JC run to
his room and slam the door when he was inside.
Lance came in and told me that JC was hurt. Once again, I asked him if he
thought I cared. He just looked at me as if I was the most evil person he
met, but he also understood where I was coming from.
We got undressed and slipped in the bed. After laying there for an hour,
Lance turned over and put his arm across my chest. I reached down and
started stroking it with a smile, then remembered who it was. I quickly
came to my senses and moved his arm off me and got up. I walked out of the
room and sat in the living room for a few minutes.
When I was going back to bed, I decided to peek in on JC. I don't know why,
but I did. When I opened the door, I saw his angelic face in the moonlight.
He was sleeping like an angle, with a slight snore. I came in and shut
the door and knelt down next to the bed. I just looked at his face and
wanted so much to crawl into bed with him so I could hold him. He was in
much more pain than I was, but I wasn't ready to soothe him yet. I reached
up and brushed his hair from his forehead and a small smile crept across my
lips. I pulled my hand from his face and got up and left the room.
When I closed the door, I started crying a little then I heard something in
his room. I placed my ear on the door and heard him crying. He wasn't
asleep. I just lowered my head and walked back to Lance's room. I softly
crawled back in the bed and went to sleep.
The next morning when I woke up, I was using JC's arm for a pillow. I
opened my eyes and it was still dark. The curtains were pulled to and there
wasn't any light in the room. I leaned over and said, "Mornin', babe," then
kissed him on the lips.
He kissed me back and I got up and opened the curtains. I turned around and
saw Lance looking at me.
"Lance!?!?" I looked at him puzzled.
"What?" he asked, equally puzzled.
"I didn't mean to kiss you. I thought your were..."
"JC?" he asked, interrupting me.
"No. Yes. I don't know. Why didn't you say something when I got closer?"
"I was going to, but you closed my lips before I could."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"Don't worry about it. It was kinda nice. I haven't had anyone do that to
me in a long time. Wake up next to me and kiss me, I mean."
"Well, don't get used to it. OK?"
"I wasn't goin' to."
"Although," I said, putting my finger to my chin, "if JC and I are through,
I guess we could start dating. JC didn't complain about me too much."
"Monty!!!!"
"Kidding, kidding," I said, laughing.
"You better be."
"I still love him, I just don't know why, Lance."
"Because he completes you."
"Do you know how cheesy that sounds? I mean it was cheesy enough in Jerry
Maguire," I said with a smile.
"I wasn't even thinking," he said chuckling.
"Plus, he doesn't complete me fully, remember? There is a third person who
finishes the circle, according to Madam Zuvik."
"I still don't understand that. Three people to be soul mates? It sounds
kinda kinky to me."
"I thought the same thing, but I can see where a third person would come
into the picture."
"How?"
"I can't really explain it. I just know that there is someone else out
there that will love JC and I as much as we love each other. And we will
love him just as much, also. It does sound kinda kinky. Think about the
sex. How can three people make love? I've heard of a three people having
sex, but making love?"
"I don't know, but it has always been a fantasy of mine to be with two other
guys. I have never done anything but have regular sex. Never done anything
'exciting'".
"I haven't either, but I am kind of excited about trying it. Anyway, I need
to get my shower so I can be going."
"I wish you'd stay, not just for JC, but for me. I like talking to you."
"You do? On the bus, you acted like you couldn't stand me."
"I know. I'm sorry for that. Things were going so fast. JC was happy.
You were happy. Everyone was happy but me."
"But, why were you acting like that?"
He looked at me and gave a soft smile. "I'll tell you one day. Now, you'd
better get that shower."
I opened my case and got my clothes and went for my shower. Afterwards, I
packed my dirty clothes and started to leave. As Lance and I were walking
into the living room, we heard the harmonies of snores coming from each
room. The guys must have been real tired. It was getting close to noon.
It wasn't like Justin to sleep past 10:00.
Lance walked me to my car and I told him to let JC know that I will talk to
him soon, but I wasn't ready now. He said he would let him know and then he
hugged me. As I was leaving, I looked in the review mirror and noticed that
he just watched me until I lost sight of him. I think he and I were going
to get along fine from now on.
After arriving back in Nashville, I just took it easy for a month or so.
The tour was finally over for the guys and they all headed home to Orlando.
I was back working with Cat on a part time basis as her secretary. She
loved having me back, but some of the other workers didn't. I was telling
them what to do and how to tell a real antique from the fake ones. That
burned most of them up. They knew that I could spot a fake from a mile
away.
Anyway, I got home one afternoon and decided to surf the web for a while.
When I finally got logged on, I noticed MY ICQ listed JC as online. I still
wasn't ready to talk to him, so I ignored him. After checking my email, I
just started surfing the net. I was looking around at some antique sites
when the little letter started to flash in the bottom corner. I clicked on
it and it opened.
"Hey," JC typed.
"Hello," I replied.
"God, you sound so formal. Haha"
"Did you want something?"
"Well, I was hoping we could talk.?.?.?"
"I still don't want to now."
"Well, when? We haven't seen each other in a month. The last time I did
see you, you hardly even looked at me."
"Sorry."
"Why did you stay with Lance?"
"Because, I couldn't stay with you."
"Why?"
"It would've hurt too much."
"Then why did you come in my room?"
"I don't know."
"You must have had a reason, otherwise you wouldn't have done it."
"JC, drop it. I don't want to talk now."
"Fine. I just have one more question."
"What???"
"Did you fuck Lance???"
"NO!!!!!! Did you fuck anyone else??????????"
"FUCK YOU!!!!!"
"Oh, that's very adult of you. What is your problem?"
"You. You won't talk to me, you won't see me. Then the night you do, you
won't sleep with me. I fucked up. I got caught. I'm sorry. How many more
times do I have to say it? I miss you."
"Sorry."
"If I'd known you would be this much of a bitch, I probably would've fucked
someone after I left you at the hospital. At least they would've made me
feel loved for an hour."
After reading that, I got pissed and reached over and turned the computer
off. I didn't even bother disconnecting. I got up and walked around and
was furious. Then I decided to write him a little email. I turned the
computer back on and connected. My ICQ indicator told me JC was still
online, but I went and disconnected from ICQ before he could message me
again.
When I got to my email, I started writing, letting him know how pissed at
him I was about everything that he did and said. At the end I added a poem
that just flowed out of me.
Never Part
Sweet memories flooding my head
The thoughts of you in my bed
The love you gave me
Found my heart
Knowing that we'll never part.
Wanting desperately to touch your soft skin
But reaching out through the air
I open my eyes and know your not there
My mind again is playing tricks on me
Because it knows our love will always be
Soul to soul, heart to heart
It knows our love will never part
For three centuries past we found one another
Each time our love grows stronger for the other
Our souls were meant to be as one
Connecting them now is not much fun
The pain you caused felt like you holding a gun
Pointing at me waiting for me to appear
Once in sight you saw my fear
The pain remains now that we're apart
I'm not sure now that we'll never part
You said you're sorry, but that was not enough
My mind has made my skin so tough
My outside wall, built even higher
I felt like the wood being tossed in the fire
As I watch the embers of ashes float through the air
I seem them fall to a nearby gate.
I am beginning to wonder if I am your soul mate.
Am I the right one?
Was the old lady true?
I am not the one to answer that question
That task is left to you.
When I was done writing, I hit the send button and logged out and cut the
machine off.
As the days went on, I got even madder. I couldn't believe he would say
that after what he did. Or ask about Lance and I for that matter. That
really pissed me off. I decided that I needed to show JC what fear really
was.
At the end of August, I got in my car and was headed on my way to teach JC a
lesson, once and for all.
To be continued. . . .
That was chapter 11-Never Part. Next chapter????? Check out the website.
You'll find out then.
Later