Glory days

Hope looked at me this morning as I was putting her into cardigan, hat, gloves and coat and then tucking her into a car seat under a thick blanket. She looked at me in a: "Mother what happened to the sunshine and the dolphins?" kind of a way. In fact she's looked at me like that most days since we got back from our incredible six weeks in California. Hope was so happy in the sunshine and the warmth. I basked in her happiness, the sunshine and the love of her dear Godmother who made our trip possible.

While we were in the States, my girl happily pottered about in her makeshift playpen in a pretty summer frock and sometimes sat back with her eyes shut and her face upturned to the blue sky. She sat on the beach in quite the coolest pair of sunglasses ever with a little cotton hat on looking every inch a California beach babe under a striped umbrella. She dangled her legs in the Pacific and jumped delightedly when I dangled her in the waves, craning her head and leaning over to touch the water and chortling every time a wave broke over her toes. She sat on my tummy wearing her colourful pink swimsuit covered in fishes as I swam on my back up and down in a swimming pool, grinning and waving at the palm trees in the manner of the Queen of England on a royal visit. Quite her favourite adventure, and mine, was going out on a boat, carried in my carrying pouch, wearing her hat and sunglasses and seeing dolphins .. literally thousands of them playing around the boat. I get excited about things, another of Hope's Godmothers always teases me saying one of Hope's first words will be "wow" as she'll have picked it up from me ... and when I saw the dolphins I pointed and said, "Hope, Hope, look dolphins". By the end of our time out there if a dolphin swam by Hope waved her arms like an over excited windmill attached to my front and shouted "olf, olf, olf" it was so exciting.

That's not to say she hasn't been happy in the month since we returned, she does enjoy fresh air however damp or cold and once she'd got used to being dressed up in layer up on layer of knit ware she beams out from under her hat and waves happily from her pushchair at passers by.

This morning we woke up and it was sunny outside, she didn't realise to begin with as she was very absorbed playing with a very fluffy panda but when I took her to change her nappy and lay her on the changing mat, she caught sight of a shaft of sunlight across her legs, she sat up and reached for it, she looked out of the window and then grinned up at me and said, "ohhhhhh". I had never seen her do that before, but her delight at the warmth was just wonderful.

All this has had me wondering about mothering and to what extent sharing experiences with babies is more important than keeping them in a regular routine (or not). Have I been selfish doing so many different things with Hope? Could the shock of going from a sunny undressed world to a very chilly Cambridge winter be traumatic for her? Would it have been better to adhere to a strict routine and not take her to all sorts of places with me? I mean it's highly unlikely (though not impossible) that she will remember anything we have been doing so is it enriching for her to have so many experiences or is it stressful? I like to think that sharing experiences, as long as she feels safe and cared for, which she seems to, is a wonderful thing ... certainly it is for me and from her response it does seem to be for her as well, but then again she doesn't know any different.

My life isn't a regular routine of eating at precise times and rising and sleeping at exactly the same moment every day and as I'm self employed, every 'work' day is different so it means that she has grown up (11 months old now how incredible) with a constant stream of new experiences and a relative lack of routine (in the Gina Ford mothering technique sort of way). She does sleep through the night (from time to time), and she does have a morning nap most mornings, she eats everything I eat (pretty much) and seems to be thriving on it ... she is relaxed, confident, watchful and happy so I reckon we must be doing something right. I have friends who worry about coming round incase Hope is having her sleep or are concerned about interrupting meal times ... to me if Hope is asleep she's asleep, if she's hungry she's hungry and if she wants to stay awake and chatter to friends then that's just fine. I am sure as she gets older we will find more routine in the day, she'll need it as she goes to nursery more and then on to school ... but in the meantime I think it's fine to be exploring the world and sharing new experiences and as long as she's happy with that then it's how we're going to carry on. I'm also looking forward to hearing her saying "bird, bird, bird" as every time we're out for a walk now I point out all the robins and blackbirds and pigeons just as I did the dolphins ... maybe not with quite the same level of excitement but I do enjoy seeing her excited by her feathery friends.

Hope also adores going to her baby group on Friday mornings, and where other babies there roll over each other, Hope sits bolt upright and watches everything, then she leans over and strokes another baby or picks up a toy and just beams with delight. I also really enjoy the company of other mothers and seeing how other babies are developing, there is one little girl who was born on the same day as Hope ... she's much bigger and more mobile, but Hope seems stronger in her back and more responsive... they are all so different.

My girl has also started to dance, she conquered waving and clapping a month or so back and this last few days has started dancing ... sitting down or lying flat on her back or pushing herself up on her arms, she suddenly starts shaking her head, grinning and wobbling; often with no music in the background but always when music plays ... it is so joyous to watch and has everyone wobbling their heads and dancing with her.

So, now it's time to head out into the cold, I have to find a way of encouraging her to keep her hat on and not to fling her gloves on the floor or pull them off to examine the strange material constraining her fingers. While I'm persuading her that staying warm is a good idea, and pushing her pram through oily puddles, I do keep talking about those glory days.