Where Are All the Titus 2 Women?

.”..older women … urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands…” (Titus 2: 3-5)

Occasionally I hear something along the lines of, “Why aren’t there more older women teaching the younger women? Where are all the Titus 2 women?” I have even said these things myself when I was wishing for instruction or encouragement from someone who has gone before me on this mothering journey.

Well, I think I know where they are.

Recently a good friend of mine, who I have hugged, shared meals with, prayed for and with, a mother of 11, who is a popular blogger with over 4000 subscribers, faced criticism for knowing too much, doing it too well, and daring to write about it.

The woman has 11 children. She knows a thing or two about pretty much anything and everything home or family related. Thousands wait each day to receive her email updates.

Let’s call this lady’s blog, “Bringing Up Babies”, and let’s say she was asked 3 times over the period of one month how she keeps her kitchen floor clean.

To answer her reader questions, “Bringing Up Babies” lists the steps she takes to keep her floor sparkly clean and even posts before and after photographs. She speaks from experience and shares the tips she has learned through having 11 children and spending numerous years of cleaning up messes.

But there are people who read “Bringing Up Babies” who have dirty floors, and seeing those shiny, clean floors makes them feel bad about their own.

Those people are faced with several choices in dealing with their dirty floors and bad feelings.

Start using the tips on “Bringing Up Babies” to make their own floors cleaner.

Stop comparing themselves to “Bringing Up Babies”.

Stop reading “Bringing Up Babies”.

Call “Bringing Up Babies” a know-it-all and a braggart for having such clean floors.

Does one of these options seem self centered and irrational?

You see, “Bringing Up Babies” doesn’t keep her floor clean or share how she manages to do so just to make herself feel superior to someone who doesn’t. She doesn’t do it to make those with dirty floors feel less competent than she is. What she does with her floors isn’t about anyone outside of her home. She does it to bless her family, and she shares it on the internet to bless those who would like to do so to their own families.

A mature person understands that most people are so busy with their own lives, that they are not comparing or competing with anyone else. A mother of many is busy. And tired. She most likely doesn’t have time to play the comparison game. And if she takes the time to share her knowledge and experience with others, it is because she is using her precious, limited time to help them.

If you read “Bringing Up Babies” and are offended because you think it is all about you, the problem is with you, not “Bringing Up Babies”.

If you are wondering where all the Titus 2 women are, it is a good possibility that one is sitting next to you with her trap shut because you don’t want to hear what she has to say.

The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)

Comments

MmmHmmm……my generation thinks they know everything. And anything the older generation has to tell us is null and void. And yet it closes us off to so much wisdom.
I remember my grandmother and even my mother telling me stories about how they dealt with certain things in the newborn stage. Everything went completely against what I was being told by modern babycare websites and my doctors and I was aghast that they could raise their children in such ways! Over the last few years as our family has grown just a smidge, I’ve been realizing that their wisdom and “been there – done that” knowledge is so important.

So TRUE! I finally had a lady brave enough to tell me that I was too sensitive and although I was offended at the time, I quickly realized she was right and am so glad that she risked offending me so that I could learn to listen and learn from other Christian ladies.

Teach on Smockity, teach on!! I just realized within the last year or so (after it was bluntly explained to me) that I am now considered an older woman with advice… I search on a regular basis for woman I can learn from b/c even after 7 kiddos, I’m still learning!!!

I read this and my heart sank.. I left a comment on your facebook this morning that was meant to be praise and had no connection to any other blogger your connected with I am worried it may have been misread and I am truly sorry if it was I meant it as a compliment and thank you for being a blessing in my life! I do not know many other moms in my area so the bloggers like you are my Titus 2 women. I sincerely ask forgiveness if my comment came off the wrong way.. Also if you want to point me in the direction of the floor post it would be greatly appreciated lol ! I fight a loosing battle with three toddlers and k ers if she can keep clean floors with 11 I am in !

You are so welcome !!! I am so glad lol I commented this morning then shortly after I read everything else and had a worry moment not so much that the post was about me but that some how it might be miscommunicated ! I can not stress enough what a huge blessing you are in the life of this momma of three ! You are one of those ladies that are on my If you could have anyone over for coffee and a chat list lol. But I know you have such a huge following I hope one day to make it out to a series where you are speaking to shake the hand of a woman who provides so much inspiration and laughter to us ! Even my husband reads your blog to find out what the smockitys are up to !

Thanks for this post. I read “Bringing Up Babies” and so appreciate that blog (as well as yours). When I saw what had happened, I struggled to make sense of her response. I can see now that it was a godly, humble response to some ridiculousness. Thanks for defending her, even when it’s “anonymous.”

Really? There are no comments yet?!? I LOVE “Bringing up Babies!” and I know exactly what you’re talking about. I just want to say that I love your blogs AND her blogs. I really appreciate all the time that both of you put into helping other younger moms like myself with your wisdom. I know a few Titus 2 women in my church and I am sooo thankful to be able to see them in action and to ask them for advice and wisdom. It’s true though, we do have to make that choice on how we’re going to handle the feelings. Sometimes I feel more frustrated with my kids after reading blogs, because I wonder why they can’t obey like the Titus 2 women’s kids! But after thinking and praying I realize that their kids probably aren’t perfect (since I don’t know you all in person!) and I also realize that I have several years before I’ve had even close to the experience that any of you have with being patient, raising my kids, teaching them God’s way, etc. But I am sooooo Thankful for all of you who are sharing your wisdom because withOUT you I would have so much farther to go. You are all so inspiring. Thank you for what you do!

Thats rather out of context, I cant speak for the second person involved but I tried to make quite clear that wasnt the intent when i made what seems to have been a poor attempt at an apology, an apology which, i might add, has received no response, except this hurtful and humilliating post. You could have given this same point and piece of wisdom, without targetting it the way you did, and further hurting and embarrassing someone who has come back to try and make amends.

Obviously i expressed myself incorrectly, or held a bad attitude, or something (im sorry, im not a mature christian, and since the only responses ive recieved are a strange unneeded apology and your post incorrectly potraying my words, i still dont really understand whats happening here, maybe im stupid, but im genuinly confused, i understand that shes hurt and i accept that she has reason to be, but i dont understand what i did incorrectly). Please dont read that sentence with sarcasm, none was intended.

You know me even less than i know you, you know nothing of my intentions or the beliefs i come from. Perhaps a convicting, while kindhearted, email would have been much more suitable than this. I would have listened to loving rebuke. I thought that was biblical or something. But i guess this makes you feel better, At least i can understand that, those are the ideas i grew up with.

Just know that not every disagreeing comment is done hatefully or with malice, maybe some of us just make sinful mistakes, like children, because of our immaturity in christ, and just like children, we need someone to teach us when we screw up, as i obviously have. But i suppose you couldnt have known me from a troll, and such things would be nothing but feeding a troll.

Damn, even this sounds defensive doesnt it, its not meant to be! Its not meant to sound angry, im not angry… i dont know how to phrase what im trying to say in a way that isnt defensive, or attacking. Im sorry, its meant to sound sad and confused, not angry… im probably only making it worse

Dear Abba12,
What I know about you is that you are kind hearted and so very generous.

You are right that readers know bloggers better than the other way around. That is the very reason that what we write should not be taken personally. We aren’t writing specifically about you.

You are correct that this post is in response to Kimberly’s post, which wasn’t at all about you or your parenting skills in the first place. She was simply answering reader questions. Readers have asked us to explain how we do (fill in the blank) and we do our best.

I have been thinking of this issue of defensiveness for some time now. This week’s events simply added to the thoughts already in my head and they came out here.

This same thing happens over and over again. I have email after email of readers being offended that my posts are all about them. They aren’t!

I will never forget your kindness to my family. I hope you will consider my words prayerfully.

Im aware kimberlys post wasnt about me, at least not the first one. Of course it wasnt, it was general advice. But general advice can be discouraging without being personal. However, this post is about the people who commented that it was discouraging, of which there was two, me and another. You can hardly claim this post wasnt, in part, directed at me, along with the other woman and whoever else has triggered your thought about defensivness. You cant talk about an issue that two people were involved in and claim its not about them. If it wasnt directed at the people who upset kimberly, you wouldnt have mentioned kimberlys issue, simply spoken about it in a generalized way. But you spoke specifically about the responses of two people to kimbery, and put words in the mouths of those people. Theres no way to not take that personally.

You caught me off guard about your comment on my ‘kindness’ to your family. Id completely forgotten until just then. Im glad to know it was appreciated, and it makes this whole thing even more confusing to me, how you can consider me kind, and still think i said anything that should have been intepreted as calling her a know it all and braggart. I never intended to say any such thing, and i dont believe the other person involved did either.

Could you have not made this point in a generalized manner instead of examining a specific incident, and instead asked me privately about what i intended to say? You obviously knew i wasnt a troll, so surely reaching out in an encouraging manner instead of bringing it out publically, and specifically, could have been an option.

Your comments and the others on Kimberly’s post pushed me to publish this because something like it happens each and every week. I didn’t email you personally because there are SO many who are offended by anything advisory or instructive in nature, that this applies to MANY.

Did you know I spent time on the phone with Kimberly trying to convince her not to shut down her blog completely? She is a big girl and can take criticism, but she (we) doesn’t have time to address individually every single person who takes offense at her manner of discipline, submissiveness, dress, ideas, schedules, Biblical interpretation, etc.

Can you imagine how many thousands are encouraged by her writing that would miss that if she were to shut it down?

I published this as a call to the many, many women who take offense too easily.

What you seem to be saying is that this situation was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I dont know if that makes me feel better or worse, but at least it seems i didnt get this reaction alone.

I found the instructive part very helpful actually. I always do which is why i read. Im sorry that i feel discouraged that i seem to do it wrong, because i dont see the same fruit that you ladies do. I certainly didnt think she was critisizing me. In my own, apparently incorrect, way i guess i was reaching out for reassurance that not seeing the same fruit in the same time does not mean im not a godly parent, and that others probably feel the same. Quite the opposite of critisizing her for being godly herself.

Please let her know that i would hate to see the blog shut down and im glad she had someone to talk to. She is fortunate to have such friends. I know quite well that those critisizing comments can hurt because ive spent all morning (i live in australia) crying over the things said here, in the comments of all posts and on facebook. Especially those calling the comments hateful, as that is so far from what i intended. I seem to have upset many people, not just you and kimberly, and many of those comments are not general.

I guess i did not see what i said as one of those comments. I think theres a big difference between what i said, which was supposed to express my shortcomings and speak of what she may not have realized, amd someone who calls her lazy for delegating chores, straight disagreement with no room for discussion or consideration, simply a divergence of opinions expressed uncaringly. But i obviously did not guess how it would be taken.

Theres not much more to be said, im sorry for contributing to her feeling the need to stop blogging. I wont commemt again on the subject

I am so very sorry that I have hurt you! I can see now that you were seeking encouragement, and I wish I were there to give you a big hug.

Please, understand that this post and Kimberly’s follow up post were in no way specifically about you or to you. I was using a made up scenario (though closely related to what happened) to summarize the kinds of negative comments we get no matter what we say or how we say it. I was not trying to attribute the words “know-it-all” to you, but summarizing the negativity we often get.

I believe the “hateful” references were about the comment that called Kimberly “lazy”, and were definitely not directed to you.

Amen and AMEN! Been there sista! I just got called on the carpet last week by a 20-something because she said it is impossible to have small children and have a clean house. I told her that she doesn’t have to keep her house clean if she doesn’t want to and it can be difficult, but it is not impossible. I told her I’d be happy to give some small tips and pray for her. She ripped me up a new one. I won’t be trying to encourage her again. Lisa~

Lisa~ – I’ll take some of those tips! lol. I have a 2 and 5 yr old and run a small business with my husband; and I have back issues that limit my mobility. I constantly feel overwhelmed and have considered giving up on keeping the house clean. If you have tips, I’m all ears.

This exact question was posed in a sermon about Naomi and Ruth at church today. It would do us all well to re-read the book of Ruth regularly.

It does seem that the 20 and 30-somethings don’t care to hear from the “older” women.

And Abba12 isn’t in the boat alone when it comes to breakdowns in communication. It is a skill set that has been greatly diminished, not helped, by platforms like facebook, twitter and texting. I’m afraid it’s become a part of our culture that we need change, rather than adapt to.

I am a 32 yr. old mother of four and lean heavily on the counsel and encouragement of my own dear mother (of 11 children, three in Heaven). Though her words of advice are not always what I WANT to hear, they are most often, exactly what I NEED to hear. I love having my own “built-in” Titus 2 woman!

the 4th choice would be for the mama in “bringing up babies” to bring her children to my house and have her older ones watch the youngers (including mine) while she walks me step by step and then we can all go outside and have a popsicle!

Connie,
Thank you for this post! I frequently wish for Titus 2 women but you are right-pride and defensiveness frequently put me in a position of not listening or wanting advice. Thank you for this post! Love your blog and your sense of humour!

I rarely respond to blog posts, but I wanted to take the time to say thank you for posting this. I was so surprised to see the follow up post on the “floors” topic. Your blog and the “BringingUpBabies” blog are just a couple that I follow specifically BECAUSE they never make me feel inadequate or looked down on. You both encourage me to continue working hard and growing so that I can be the momma God wants me to be. Thanks for being humble enough to share your personal lives with the world. That takes guts and I, for one, really appreciate it! May the Lord continue to bless the work of your hands and the desires of your hearts.
-Rachel

I absolutely love reading your blog and many others. I have not been blessed with children of my own (or a home of my own to manage). Many of the things I learn from all of you wonderful moms I use to help my sister with her home and kiddos. You, Connie; along with all your fellow bloggers are Titus 2 Women and Proverbs 31 Women as well! Thank you for showing us a fraction of your heart and love of Jesus and your family. “Bringing Up Babies” has taught me so much since I began reading it this past year yo year and a half. Keep up your awesome ministry ladies!!!

I saw the follow up blog post to the original and hadn’t read the original on your friends blog, so I read it this morning. There was not a thing wrong with the original. I follow you moms for a reason, to learn from you! Sorry if people are mean to you or your friend.

As I have aged, I have found that even if an older woman gives advice I don’t like or don’t want to hear- 99 times out of 100 they are right. I need to listen and appreciate them trying to save me time, effort, money and heartbreak- even when I don’t want to hear it. The other 1% of the time, I just need to nod and smile and appreciate their efforts! Thank you for your words today.

I was very aggravated by the whole situation! The whole situation has saddened my heart. The blogging world I have found, has so many sweet seasoned Christian ladies who have learned a thing or two while God was seasoning them and if we would just sit down, shut-up, and take notes, we younger mothers might learn a thing or two. People misconstrue the transparency of many bloggers as them saying they have it all together or they have arrived. We all know these sweet ladies are not saying that, and if someone thinks they are then it is just laziness on that readers part because they don’t want to take the time to implement the “tried and true” strategies. There is a group of blogs I follow (you and “Bringing Up Babies” being a couple of them), I anxiously await your insightful and encouraging (occasionally funny or convicting) posts. I have personal relationships with some Titus 2 women, but I am very very blessed to have found your blogs as well. You sweet ladies fill in some of the gaps that other of my Titus 2 ladies don’t know about Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge, and please don’t stop because of petty people!

PREACH Smockity! You and “Bringing Up Babies” and all the 4 moms are like Titus 2 women in my life. Yes, its impersonal but outside of my own mother, I have no one who fills that roll. And while my mother is a strong believer and a wise woman, her life as a mom and mine look very different. So I appreciate all 4 of you more than you know. I know a few of my friends feel the same toward you ladies. And thank you for defending “Bringing Up Babies” it was called for.

So sorry for the hate emails you guys get. I blog too and it isn’t even a well known blog, but I get the hate emails too! Crazy, isn’t it? I guess some people just need to put others down to feel better about themselves. Meanwhile, readers have got to realise that if they don’t know the blogger personally, they don’t know the blogger, period. Why should a blogger put her whole life out there? Thanks for speaking out!

Connie, I am so glad you have brought this up. I too have heard the same thing said regarding Titus 2 women. In addition to many of these precious women blogging to reach out to younger moms, there are many who God allows to mentor and disciple just one or two, on a one-on-one basis. I think some assume we must not be fulfulling our biblcal role since they can’t see what’s going on behind the scenes. But as you know, emails, calls, and personal time spent with these woman can be time consuming, though worthwhile.

But I think more than this, is the plain fact that many younger moms think they have it all figured out! I don’t know how many times my advice has been eschewed because a younger mom thinks we are on the same level in life. Mind you, these younger woman have not raised teens or been married even half as long as I have, but they know everything there is to know. Even at 40, and a mom of 10, I still go to women older than I to seek wisdom. I have a few precious friends (Lisa P. is one of them!) who I can call upon when I am feeling discouraged or don’t know how to handle a situation. I’m so grateful.

I am growing tired of this current culture of “if you do something well and talk about it, you are arrogant and not real”. It’s as if we’re all to pretend we know nothing and call it humility. It should go without saying that we all fail, we all have bad days, we all sruggle with sin. Yet, unless we constantly share THOSE things publically, we’re looked upon as know-it-alls.

Great post. And I really appreciate the care you took to answer Abba12. I could see that she really was seeking guidance, and you anwsered her with love. I pray she sees your heart and understands the root of this post.

I thought I was going to get a clue on where to find a Titus 2 woman then I thought I was going to learn how to keep my kitchen floor clean..
I think many Titus 2 women are keeping their mouths shut, and the rest? They’re too busy with their own lives to offer ANY counsel to anyone else. Which is why blog land Titus 2 moms are a saving grace. Especially ones who get the ‘letting God direct when the babies come’ & ‘homeschooling’ cos I’ve been one of the ONLY ones in our church who do both.
Would love a real life homeschooler with a multitude of kids but its apparently not meant to be.
Keep blogging, especially about living with lots of LITTLE kids & keeping your floors clean.. Xxx

I have often lamented the lack of Titus 2 women in my church. Most of them work and don’t have time to teach. We recently started visiting a Mennonite church near us in the hopes of making friendships with people who actually live the Titus 2 lifestyle. I was really upset by the circumstances that prompted this post; I only have 3 children, but I figure we will have more, and I follow blogs like these in the hopes of getting some ideas.

I recently read a post by a friend of mine that was called something like “What Keeps Me From Being Supermom.” In it she identified the time-wasters in her life (things like Facebook) that took her time and did not give any tangible benefit to her life. Those of us who struggle with keeping the floors clean, or anything else, will find that in most cases (notice I’m not being arbitrary–there are exceptions), there are things we do that waste time and keep us from fulfilling our potential. Then we try to squelch our guilt by picking on those who are actually doing what we desire to do. Thank you for the reminder, Connie, and for being there for your friend when she needed it.

Connie (or anyone else who reads “Bringing Up Babies”) — Would you post a link to or provide the real name of the blog? I’m pregnant with our sixth and imagine we’ll have more, and I am hungry for all the wise, Godly counsel I can get! I love your blog, and I regularly follow a list of large family mamas, but I’m certain the aforementioned blog is one I haven’t read. When I try to Google the search terms I can glean from the comments here, I’m just given a bunch of reality show links — not at all what I’m after! Appreciate you ladies!

Amanda,
The blog is Raising Olives ( http://raisingolives.com/ ). I don’t know if you follow the 4 moms that post on the same topic every Thursday, but Smockity is one of them, and Raising Olives is another. All 4 are great Titus 2 women.

Your post cracked me up with the Titus 2 woman sitting right next to you and is keeping her mouth shut! I now have a policy that I will NOT speak up about an issues that I see or needs to be addressed. Lots (most) of the time, it’s because I have already dealt with it from my own children.

But I’m not saying a. word. So I listen to the younger woman spinning around about something and how I long to help because I desired help when I was in that stage, but I don’t offer.

It sounds mean, typed out like that. But I’m too scared. I just keep shutting my mouth.

Hi Connie,
I don’t know if Kimberlee is too discouraged to read her blog comments but please tell her to Please keep on with her blog. I printed out all about scheduling and Bible reading from her blog. I only have 6 children, but no family nearby or church as support. You and 2 other lady’s blogs have been helping me raise wonderful children and keep a happier, peaceful house for my hardworking husband to come home to. Please tell her to keep up the great ideas and encouragement.

I know how daunting it is to read a hard letter… I have one neighbor who cannot stand our family no matter how much love we do for them (just one example: called the town on our chickens…which were legal, but she didn’t want to see them from her window….right after my husband shingled her roof for free and used up his weekend and feet on her roof) , and I’ve finally come to the point of shaking my dust off my sandals and not trying anymore (been 6 years of trying)…but that one neighbor made us want to move even though I have so many other wonderful caring neighbors. Please tell Kimberlee not to let one apple ruin the barrel…..there are so many other apples that wait to read her blog every week.

You’re exactly right, Connie. Many younger moms who are defensive simply don’t want to hear. It’s sad. They’re really missing out on the beautiful way God planned things….I miss my Grandma and Mama soooo bad. I need them to teach me stuff…still. So, I gladly glean and learn from my elder mom-figures. We are to desire wisdom…. Great post.

At 65 years old, I now qualify, I suppose, for Titus 2 Woman status. My husband and I offered to mentor five young couples at our church and got no response. They had not been shy about some of the difficulties they were facing and each couple had interacted with us before; we consider ourselves close to these young folk. Four of the couples have multiple children, all parties work and are involved in ministry in our church. Sometimes the help is available but there are no takers, for whatever reason. So glad there are mature, helpful women on these blogs…these young couples would probably read them more readily than agree to one-on-one mentoring. Blessings to you all!

I am about to have my third baby ( looking forward to many more, Lord willing), and I don’t have time even now for fluffy blogs. My kids say smart, funny things, and make ironic messes, and make me think incredible, poetic thoughts once they fall asleep…this to say, those kinds of blogs are cute and ok as far as they go. But I read yours and the other 4 Moms posts–and recommend them to all new moms even of a first–precisely because you guys are clearly good at something I’m not. If NOBODY has managed to do the very things I pouring my life into, such as raising and educating children with obedient hearts and spirits, then I’m in even more sorry shape! Y’all are more than Titus 2 to me; try Hebrews 10-11!