New laws in Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates will require that every Blackberry user dress their phone a miniature burqa and face veil.

‘The Blackberry burqa means that people can still use their phones,’ said a Saudi government official, ‘but the tiny niqab that covers the screen will stop them from reading emails or accessing the Internet.’

The introduction of the burqa is intended to conceal the Blackberry from unwanted attention. With the veil in place only a tiny slit remains revealing just the time and date, thus preserving its modesty.

‘This is not about censorship or oppression,’ said UAE telecommunications regulator Mohammed al-Ghanem, ‘this is about preserving the essential purity of the Blackberry and protecting it from being corrupted.’

Some businessmen believe that making their phone wear a burqa can be very liberating. ‘It’s great,’ said one, ‘with the veil in place I am free to walk about with my Blackberry in public without the feeling that people are staring lustily at my multi-media application. It also covers my shame for not owning an iPhone.’

Some religious groups have welcomed the policy. ‘If Allah had meant us to freely access the Internet He would have given us web browsers in our heads,’ said a local imam, adding ‘There is absolutely no mention of instant messaging in the Koran and at no point did Muhammad, or any of his eleven wives, ever say LOL, ROFL or PMSL.’

If the Blackberry burqa is successful it may spread to other countries. However, experts say that dressing your phone in a burqa could result in poor reception, especially in France and Belgium.

Judge Jane Farish has lifted what she called “the mask of respectability” from businessman, restaurateur, and grandfather Graham Dixon Catley, jailing him from two years two months for indecent assaults on three boys decades ago.

Catley is now aged 76 and has health problems including depression, but one of his victims said in court that he had been regarded as a pillar of society.

“He has been protected all these years by his money, his lawyers, and his powerful business associates,” the victim said at Catley’s sentencing in the Christchurch District Court today.

Two of the boys – now adult men – read their victim impact statements at the sentencing session, and the third was read on the man’s behalf by crown prosecutor Anne Toohey. The mother of two of the abused boys also read her statement.

The victims asked the court to lift Catley’s name suppression. “It would be the biggest injustice of all if name suppression was to continue,” said the mother.

They also opposed him being granted home detention, but Judge Farish said she would have ruled out home detention sentence even if Catley was within the two-year prison range where it could be considered.

Name Suppression is like the burqa for open justice. We don’t tolerate the wearing of it here, so why should we tolerate the wearing of a burqa over our justice system. Name Suppression is easily accessible to the wealthy, the connected, the famous, and the establishment. They hide under that burqa to provide a mask of respectability and behind the burqa of their victims pain and suffering.