Just the tip…

It’s been a while since I posted anything, and for that I apologize. Who would’ve thought that rocking out on #Funemployment would take up so much of my time?

First, let’s play catch up, shall we? Here’s a list of shit that happened since my last entry:

• I got lifted many a times, and was drawn in by the McRib’s siren song many times over. • I got my elderly swag on as I played bingo at Foxwoods. Won nothing, but did some damn good people watching. • I got engaged! To a girl, at that! Gross, right? You’re all invited to the wedding; bring money. • Christmas happened. Didn’t get a Red Ryder BB Gun as I had desired. Did get a Lawrence Taylor autographed Giants mini helmet though. He is def my fav linebacker-turned-sex offender of all time. • I played snowboards just ONCE since my first time this year. Yea, I know I’m a terrible person, but at least I made it count and went out while it was puking (by CT standards) snow. • Connecticut experienced a few different snow falls, most recent and notable was the one that dropped over 10+ inches on us when the weatherfolk were saying it’d do no more than 1″-3″. • Turned another year older and spent the day at the Giants/Eagles football contest

in the Drrrty Jerzz. Giants romped the Sheagles and we (the entire stadium) got to bid Andy Reid farewell by chanting “EAGLES SUCK!” as one. Joke’s on us though…both our teams suck.

Now, on to more or less the “snowboard” portion of this piece. During my last outing, I noticed a pain in my big toe every time I turned heel side. It felt as if it was hitting the top/right side of the boot/liner and was causing me discomfort. Now, I am not gonna sit here and claim that I am the sharpest tool in the shed, but when I bought the boots (Burton Imperials) last year, they were fine. I know how to buy boots/shoes. Being a sneakerhead, I’d have to throw myself into a raging dumpster fire if I didn’t, right? Had them heat molded to my dogs and rode on them plenty. So you can see how this could be a concern.

There are a few things that may or may not be the reason behind the pain I was experiencing: 1.) I had just recently replaced the stock insoles with Superfeet (blue) insoles, and they seem a bit thicker and were causing my toe to bulge upwards a bit more. I could grind them down slightly by using a sander but have not yet done so. 2.) I may have gained weight and in doing so, gravity being the bitch that it is, pulled all my fattyness to my big toe and is fucking with me. 3.) Maybe my boots shrunk back after packing out last season. 4.) I’m some sort of mutant Chernobyl baby with one foot slightly bigger than the other. 5.) All of the above.

No matter what the reason, something had to change, ASAP! So, I set out to do the only thing I could think of doing in order to alleviate the affected area besides sawing off my big toe…I was dead set on trimming the toe area of the liner. I mean, ANY bit of material taken off would surely help, right? So I hope the tips that follow on how to trim a liner the Czarek Leopold Kielbaski Way™ will help some of you out there.

Step One: Rip a few bong hits. This is an essential step.

Step One*point*Five: Remove the liner from the boot. If you don’t know how to do this, then we can’t be friends, and i wish great harm on you.

Pull it out…yeaaaaaa…jusssst like thaaat…

Step Two: Circle the area you wish to trim down using some sort of marker that will show on the material. I used a jizz stick.

“O” marks the spot…

Step Three: Get your dremel tool out. Oh, what’s that? You have a dremel but the only available bit is too dull? What else, you’re a baller and are gonna use a drill press with a round grinding bit? Ok, Play Boy, but make sure the press is set to the fastest speed, else you’re gonna do nothing to it but tease the tip just like when you would grind at the 8th grade dances.

“I don’t think so, Tim.” “Fuck you, Al!”

Step Three*point*Five: Now I’m sure there are people out there that will stress safety, and recommend you wear some sort of protective eye wear or something. I mean, you could, but if safety was up there on our list, step one wouldn’t be what it is. So, relax, pussy, get to grinding. Gently grind the tip (giggity) of the liner and you’ll notice it start to fray. Work up towards and into the material that is fraying to loosen it.

Gleaming that cube…

Step Three*point*Five*point*Five: You’ll see the material give way to the foam underneath. Now, this is where I called it quits with the grinder as I wasn’t sure if there was one more layer under the foam or not. Don’t want to go through it as you’ll have cold toes and be pretty pissed at the world. I picked the material by hand and was able to separate it from some more foam as well.

pay dirt…

Step Four: Use a blade, be it Xacto or a simple razor from a box cutter, and get your cut on. This should be easy for you Bieber fans out there. Use the blade to cut the remainder of frayed material off of the area you circled, leaving that foam exposed. That foam, without material on it, will more than likely be all that you need to allow your toe stretch through.

“Imma cut you so bad, you gon’wish I didn’t cut you so bad.”

Step Five: Stuff that liner back in there like a boss & try that em effer on and walk it out. For me it worked to the tune of feeling better, but I have not yet rode the boot. Hopefully will tomorrow and see how it feels. If the problem persists i will give sanding the insole down a bit a go.

Get in where you fit in. Also, don’t judge me for wearing sweatpants in public. I iz fat.

Hopefully this DIY tutorial helped. If it didn’t, and you read all this anyhow, what the fuck is wrong with you?