Thursday, 5 February 2015

A Recipe Of Happiness?

'It's the knocks that toughen you up' now there's a cliche! Who wants to hear that when they are being beaten to a pulp? When you're on your knees? But actually it's true, when the punches stop, and the bruises have healed, you realise you've survived......you feel stronger.

This is all metaphorically speaking of course, I would never, ever advocate to anyone, ANYONE, to allow themselves to be actually physically punched and abused. But 'life' sometimes punches us, knocks us about.

Saying that, I have got have got some frustrations with this philosophy......I've never actually SAID I wanted to be stronger! I've never announced to the universe, I'm weak, I could do with a few hard knocks, I could do with toughening up a little! No, never, I was quite happy with who I was, thanks all the same. But The fact is, I have been been given a fair few knocks, more than some, a lot less than others. And yes, I'm definately a stronger person for it.....I don't always feel strong, but I am.

So when my little 'treat' was cancelled this morning, I remained calm...took it all in my stride. This is the third time it's been cancelled. Before I've felt overwhelmingly disappointed, surprised by my 'over' reaction, and the dark place it took me. It caught me unawares and unsettled me.

I had thought I had got used to 'disappointments'. How can this woman, who's life's been completely changed, who's 'life plan' had been thrown out of the window, who's had to completely rewrite everything, fall so badly at the thought she wasn't going to get away for a few days? It seemed silly and childlike.

I've learnt a fair few lessons over the last few weeks. I've learnt you can't pin your happiness on things, or events, or holidays, or little treats. We only have what we had right now, at this very moment. If we aren't happy in this very moment, then we won't be happy by any manner of things. Well actually yarn and fabric do make me happy.....but that's a different story ;)

Now don't get me wrong, there are moments that of course that make us sad, and they SHOULD make us sad, seeing those we love suffer, well that of course makes us sad. The point I'm trying to make is, in order to be truly happy, we need to be happy with what we have right now. Yes have dreams, have aspirations, but don't rely on THEM to make you happy. Be happy with what you have, if it needs tweaking, then tweak it.....make those changes you need to make of course, but be happy in the very moment you're in.......

Right now, I'm happy.......writing this, reading my book.....making lentil soup, (although it needs tweaking with extra seasoning for me to be truly happy with it!). But I'm also wise enough to know this state of mind needs to be nurtured, if you take your eye off the ball it can slip away again. So nurture it I will, as I nurture myself and those around me that I love.

So Lovelies, what's making you happy today......and what tweaks do you feel you feel you need to make?

Being told by my 11 year old son who has ASC, that "this is the best birthday ever". If he wasn't happy with the presents I bought him, he'd have told me. He is difficult to make happy. Knowing I made his morning has kept me going all day as I often like I'm getting it all wrong with him. X

Hi Claire, I like it's AS Condition and not Disorder! Much better. Yes that feeling you're always getting it wrong is a difficult one to overcome, made all the more better when they acknowledge you've got things right! :))

I am so sorry for your disappointment, your post is so, so true. Happiness is not in things but in our attitude to the moment. I have just enjoyed writing a blog post and sitting cosy in the warm with a large mug of tea!! A lovely ball of yarn and a bit of crochet is always excellent therapy (oops yarn is a thing I suppose!!) take care. Sharon x

Yummy homemade soup, well thats one thing that makes me happy, Suffering with a chronic illness makes me celebrate the simple pleasures as some days that' bs all I can manage, so today I'm going for Yarn, Watercolour paints and family for my happy things. There is plenty that needs tweeky but it's beyond me at the moment. It took me a long time to get to the point of learning 'Not worrying about the things I can't control. Clare xx

Sorry you were disappointed again. I think true happiness is so fleeting at times that grabbing it when it happens makes up for any badness that may come our way. Turning myself into a cup half full kind of girl has helped no end! Take care x

Hi Amanda, I think you're absolutely right. I also try to seize the moment right now, and make the most of the good things as they are happening. I must admit I do like to forward plan treats but I've always tried hard to appreciate smaller things: when the children were toddlers and the schedule was hectic, I'd look forward to buying a newspaper and having 20 minutes to read it. Now they're much older, and time is more my own, I will plot an hour with my paints and make sure I do it (because that always makes me feel better). I like Instagram because it celebrates all those tiny moments which make people happier, and better able to deal with the rubbish that life can throw sometimes.

Hi Amanda, so sorry to hear about you disappointment. All of your words are so very wise. Today I went on a group walk...it was raining and not very pretty, but I know how lucky I am to be able to go.Take care Jacquie xxx

Not too cold Amanda, just damp and grey. We did a walk around East Midlands airport!....noisy and smelly :0(Tomorrow I'm taking you on a much prettier, virtual walk....I hope you will enjoy it.Jacquie xxx

I am sorry about your disappointment, your outlook is a very good one, but I do think that it is OK to be disappointed, not forever, but for a little bit. Making the best of things is a good thing though, and enjoying the time for your book and to make soup and write a blog post is a great thing! I have this thing of looking for silver linings. As I have often said, they are often teeny tiny little scraps of silver, but they are there, even if they are not immediately obvious or very big and that keeps me going. Travel hopefully seems to be a good outlook to me! I hope that your treat will come and that it will be at the right time when you can enjoy it best of all - perhaps that might be the silver lining that you will enjoy it even more. I hope too that you can be strong as you want to be. xx

So sorry for your disappointment. It stinks when you are looking forward to something and it doesn't pan out and it's very hard not to feel annoyed, angry, etc. I gave up on life plans a while ago. Having RA means I can't do a lot of things so I just wing it most days. If I feel like it, I try to do it. If not, well, I get annoyed but my philosophy is "It is what it is" and it's up to me to make the best of it. I truly wish I could come sit down with you to talk and then give you a big hug. Just know that I do think about you and that I try to send energetic thoughts to you each day.Hugs,Sharon

Wise, wise words :) Today, I was made happy by looking at all the delicious, beautifully decorated cakes in my local coffee shop, even though I only had a coffee to go, I enjoyed looking at them. The coffee was delicious and this also made me happy. Yesterday I bought a couple of small pieces of vintage fabric from a friends shop for a mere £8 and much joy was brought to my heart through this little purchase. Lovely looking soup you have there :)

Happiness comes from within you have to learn to love yourself and then everything else will fall into place. Having been married to a recovering alcoholic a very controlling man in every aspect of my life it stripped me of who I was I didn't value myself had huge parts of myself stripped away from his control. When the marriage thankfully ended it took me a few years of being on my own with my boys and finding out who I was and starting to love myself within the universe become a much happier place. Interesting post today Ada and thought provoking to. Have a lovely weekend, dee xx

I'm so sorry your treat was cancelled. Maybe it'll be fourth time lucky? Sometimes, cancelled plans can be the opportunity to do something you might not have thought of. I love attitude to what life throws at us. xx

So sorry you didn't have your trip away. I do find that my 'adult' composed view is made up of thin layers. I feel more resilient than years ago, but still...It takes the wrong moment -wrong day- wrong time- and I am feeling very much like a child -angry and upset, about something or other. I think it's the human condition to not find it easy to be completely happy all the time. Perhaps it is what gets us moving, changing things and achieving? Fliss x

As human beings, we have all experienced disappointments in life and It's okay to feel that way for a bit. You have such a great outlook and I agree with you about appreciating the good things we have right in this moment - a delicious bowl of soup, some yarn or fabric for a project. I hope that, in time, you manage to get your 'little treat"