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March 13, 2012

All to thee

It is not that easy for me to just write today. Finalizing my Listen To Your Mother cast is blocking my flow. I have a gift that needs to be knitted by Friday. And I didn't finish watching the second half of Sunday's Desperate Housewives. What? Yeah I watch.

If I am ever going to get this house ready to sell then I have to start somewhere. Like with the pile of dishes in the sink or a nap and my mind wanders and I think about bills and sending rejection letters and my stomach drops are we raising our kids to be spiritually strong and oh my gosh I want to go get them from school and talk to them about it RIGHT NOW and oh the dryer just buzzed.

It can't be awesome character to always be waving the white flag. I wrote about it and days later Pamela mailed a package to my house. She made me that banner.

I put out the flag and I say I surrender but do I really? How will I know if it's true surrender or just lazy giving up? If I let go and let God and He was wanting me to do more of the work He'll let me know, right?

I just feel like I should know by now, like I should know it all, and by heart. But I don't. And I'm so tired. And sometimes - most of the times - I feel like I know less than when I started. And these are just the words I let spill out for now.

18 comments:

Surrender is so hard! Our humanness keeps us from every fully surrendering, I think. I mean, we can't turn off our brains or our wills, really. So yeah, I think I get what you're saying, at least some of it.

I REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR THIS TODAY. I LOVE THE SONG WE USE TO SING IN CHURCH. THANKS FOR REMINDING ME TO SURRENDER..SOMETHING I AM CONSTANTLY WORKING ON. I LOVE YOU, MOM.

All to Jesus I surrender;All to Him I freely give;I will ever love and trust Him,In His presence daily live. Refrain:I surrender all,I surrender all;All to Thee, my blessed Savior,I surrender all.All to Jesus I surrender;Humbly at His feet I bow,Worldly pleasures all forsaken;Take me, Jesus, take me now.All to Jesus I surrender;Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;Let me feel the Holy Spirit,Truly know that Thou art mine.All to Jesus I surrender;Lord, I give myself to Thee;Fill me with Thy love and power;Let Thy blessing fall on me.All to Jesus I surrender;Now I feel the sacred flame.Oh, the joy of full salvation!Glory, glory, to His Name!

I think that surrender is in the intention of our actions and inactions. Sometimes we have to surrender our wants to pursue the action He has for us. Sometimes we need to just stop fighting it/life/things and surrender our plans. But if our intention is indeed, "all to Thee, my blessed Saviour" I think we are alright.

I think we all feel this way. At least, I do. Because it is always changing. Those kids of ours are always changing. And so we must change to keep up with them. And that's what makes me tired. I never know what will happen.

Sometimes, when we are in the thick of things, and we feel like we're just spinning our wheels....is when God is doing His best work...and when you finally get out of it, you'll find your heart has changed for the better :)

I know how you feel lately. The warm weather is helping things, though :) Miss you, Steph. I hope the house selling process goes smoothly :)

Sometimes the same song keeps coming in my car through my ipod. I have somewhere over 4000 songs, yet the same one, over and over....and it has been U2's "Moment of Surrender" and each time it makes me cry. Maybe because I know how hard it is to let go, to know that there is nothing He is waiting for me to do...it is all for our joy and He swells in love watching us let go and feel the joy He wants for us. It's only been in the last week that I have stopped and only after four days of stomach flu because I think He just had to lay me down and force me to stop running so hard. Faith is so much like this, your words, knowing that there is nothing you need to do, that you are doing your very, very best and that is always enough and He is always there asking us to just stop moving long enough for Him to love on us. XXXOOO

I think sometimes we (and by we, I mean me ;) forget that He loves us just the way we are this very second. And I believe that is a big part of the surrender...it's not what we do or don't do that matters. It is a journey...all of it.... And sometimes we just need to stop and that LOVE is a remedy for it all! Your heart if beautiful and I appreciate your words so very much!!

I think that it is really amazing just how lonely we can feel in this world, and then a post as amazing as this is written and it makes us realize that no matter what struggles we may be going through individually, we are all in this together. I recently have been dealing with "surrendering" as well, and it is so hard to do, but seems as though it should be so easy. I find that day by day I am releasing more of the tight grip I have on my life and it feels good. Some days are better than others and more often than not I end up taking 10 steps back for every 2 steps forward. But each day is a new day, and I find comfort in it. Thanks for writing this, it's beautiful.

Surrender is a challenge for all of us, maybe especially moms. When I am successful for a time, it feels so good, but the control freak in me keeps rearing her ugly head. Oh, and surrender most definitely does not = lazy.

so i read this line ....I just feel like I should know by now, like I should know it all, and by heart. But I don't. ...and then i started cooking and then it all kind of came to me, this frustration i have at how slow i am at learning and making progress. and then i wrote a blog post that i think might only make sense to me but it was really good get it out. so thank you for inspiring and helping me identify. you do that a lot for me.

Also, we've been having our kids memorize one scripture verse per week. We started because our church was challenging the children to memorize scripture, but our kids were just 4 and 5 when we started, so I wasn't sure they'd be able to do it. Well, let me tell you, they have blown me away. We have been doing one verse per week, and now we're having the verses be in order in a chapter, and amazingly enough, they remember the verses from previous weeks. BLOWS ME AWAY. Anyway, just had to share that, because I have wondered the same thing about how we were raising our kids where spirituality was concerned so many times.