Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Thank you for giving me peace in this time of great distress. I always feared that if something bad happened to someone close to me that I would be angry with You and lose sight of the life they led and their faith in You. I no longer have that fear. You have shown me a peace I never thought attainable.

Thank you for keeping myself in a place of strength. Where the depression of the situation isn't so crushing that I cannot take care of my family or myself. Thank you for showing me the positive of this frustrating disorder of mine. Finally there is a use for certain responses at the most inappropriate times. It's helping keep the majority of the tears locked away. It's helping me keep people informed with facts, things done that need to be done. Thank you for helping me keep my head on so I'm not dealing with this by falling apart and screaming and yelling like I once did. But accepting the need for sleep when my body says it's time and just taking a short nap to recharge.

Thank you Lord for the family and friends who keep sending you a flood of prayers for my mom. But Lord, why the wait? You have healing hands. You perform miracles. Why are we left in the limbo of wait? I'm told the more we wait the better the chances of her leaving with a long life ahead of her. It's just patience is not my virtue. I don't see this positive as much solace at this point. I want now! Dang nab it, I want yesterday! I know. How ungrateful I must seem. How can I help it though? You gave me the most precious gift of the best mother anyone could ever have.

Monday, October 24, 2011

I wasn't going to keep up with my blog for the next little while. Who knows if I will write every day, but I will be posting here and there as I feel up to it.

MOM.

We had struggles growing up. They say you hurt the ones you most feel comfortable with. It's true. We fought like dogs. Working around each other, trying to prove who was Alpha. Of course she always was. No matter the course, I always went to her with my inner most thoughts. My passions, my fears. We drifted in my teens as it was not normal to be close to your parents. What? Confide in your mom? What are you nuts? Kids just don't do that. So I fought between what I needed and the image I wanted to portray. Also, I was going through my own inner battle that no body, not even myself, understood until it almost took my life at 23. I always feel I am 24. Because 24 is the year I was when we became closer. It was still tumultuous, but she put up with it better than I ever thought I deserved. She was going to help me through this, no matter how much pain she was in, or what was going on in her own life. Soon, the tides turned and I was there when she needed me. The last ten years with my mom has only proved to bring her closer to me. While people complain about their awful, broken relationships with their moms, I can only feel blessed with my greatest confidant. My best friend. My sometimes enabler. My prayer warrior. And many more things I cannot even begin to put down on paper.

Tonight, I am doing as my mom has done so many times. Since the day I can remember. When times of stress, she cleaned. At night. When the house was silent. She scrubbed, dusted, washed, folded, and created. (She used this time also to stay up late making us clothes and building us Christmas gifts) Battling the thoughts out in her head with no distractions. Working out the frustrations, anger, fear, sadness. It was something I grew to do as well. It's harder with a man who has the hearing of a superhero, but I do get some time to release the emotion. And in moments like these, my heart aches while the tears stay locked in their prison for another day.

I wish I could be there with you right now mom. For the moment though, I'm going to take solace in knowing, in this one coping mechanism, I am just like you.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Infant Car seats. So many to choose from. So many rules to follow. They can and do change from Province to Province and State to State. One thing that doesn't change is that your child NEEDS to be in one and you NEED to be aware of the expiration date. Yes folks, car seats, like milk do spoil. If you are involved in a car accident, they spoil that much faster. While some might be thinking, "Yay, information on Car seats!" and others "Ugh, more information on car seats." I'd like to take this moment you are all wrong. Well sort of. This is NOT information on buying car seats or the rules. Rather information on getting rid of the car seat.

My last child just outgrew his very first carseat. It was bought in 2006 for my second child, and faired it's way well through two more littles. I was going to sell the seat until I discovered through the ever useful dating provided on the seat itself, that it would expire in seven short months. Well then, there goes that money making idea. I then had to figure out where and how I was to dispose of this giant space taker that was no longer needed. I talked to a friend and she mentioned that Toys R' Us has a thing where you bring in your old carseats and get 20% your next purchase. Sweet deal. Until I called. It only runs for a two week period and nobody in the store knows when it is going to run until head office calls down the week prior and says, "It's on like Donkey Kong". Well boo Toys R' Us. Boo. I missed the whole thing by a few days as well. Darn my procrastination. So now to call 311. They were really helpful. The lady herself really had no idea, but went through things step by step with me to figure it out.

Alrighty Winnipegers here is the dealio for us here. We have the option of Toys R' Us (actually you get patched through to Babys R' Us), IF you manage to get there in their two week 20% off if-you-bring-in-the-old-carseat time frame. Unless you are psychic you will most likely miss out on. The other and probably the most practical for everyone is calling BFI to pick up a load of 6 items for $10.00 and $20.00 on each 6 additional items after that. Or getting a truck and pitching all your oversized items all at once for $10.00/ ton. (We chose the latter).

For the baby car seat to be garbage ready:

*In a car accident
*Hit it's expiration date
*Cut all straps on car seat
*Damage the heck out of it. (I used an axe. It is free therapy)

Then you load it up and send it on it's way.

CRAFTY:

I found it hard to get rid of the car seat as it was still in amazing condition. No crazy stains, no accidents. Just that darned expiration date was standing in my way. I felt really guilty about throwing everything in the trash. Well, I did have a dilemma with a change pad that was cracking and tearing and I am too cheap to buy another one. (For the record I didn't even buy this one. I signed up for the Nestle site when I was pregnant with L). A little stitch ripping here, and sewing there. Very little waste in the end, and I have a brand new change pad.

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LINK UP:

This is just another thing taken for granted. A car seat. Just another bulky expensive thing in our vehicles to keep our children safe. Some children don't get the benefit of a car seat. They instead will sit in an orphanage and then be sent off to a mental institution. They will most likely never see the inside of a vehicle. They will never go on a trip to a mall that would require a special seat to keep them safe. They will never need a fancy change pad that is bought, or made with just them in mind. And all because they weren't born "perfect". How sad is that.

This is Francine.

She holds my heart in the twinkle of her eye. My wish is that Francine gets to experience a family and a special seat in a car that could take her anywhere she wished to travel. Along with all the wonderful things that come with having life experiences we don't bat an eyelash at.

Please take the time to visit Jane's blog over at Flight Platform Living and enter the Giveaway. Buy a puzzle piece for $10 or more. Help bring Francine closer to her Forever Family. If money is an object for you, please pray that Francine will find her Forever Family soon and her adoption fund will quickly grow to $10,000. Don't forget to comment on Jane's blog that you donated, shared or will be praying for this beautiful child.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Each one of my four children have a piece of my heart. I never thought in my wildness dreams that I could love each of them equally. I know that this is a common fear for anyone planning their second child. How could I possibly love my next child as much as my first? What if I love my next child more than my last? Once you see that face, your fears melt away. Each moment with each child is so different. You cannot compare one to the other because there is no way. Each laugh, smile, milestone, joke enriches my day. Each tantrum, mean word, scream brings me a frustration not appreciated by anyone other than another mother/father. As these little lives grow and thrive they remain on my mind 24/7. Such blessings.

My children are healthy, I am blessed in that. Even if they were not, I'd still enjoy each struggle and triumph with them. Hundreds of children are not so lucky. Hundreds of parents do not know the blessing they are giving up because their children have some sort of defect. Because where they live education for the "defect" is unknown. So parents part with their child thinking it's the only way. Or they part because they only want a healthy child. Or because they have passed on. In all these situations, these children are left orphans. First in care homes, then into mental institutions where they languish and die.

This is Francine

she is waiting for a Forever Family. One of the major stumbling blocks that Francine has in front of her is the cost of addoption. They say the tipping point is $10,000. Francine is on her way, but still has a ways to go. Jane over at Flight Platform Living has a Fundraiser for Francine going on right now! The fundraiser now has a closing date of November 23, 2011. Jane's birthday! Now what a wonderful birthday gift would it be to get Francine to $10,000 for her adoption fund!

I know many think, why should I bother. I bet this person is just promoting and hasn't put their money where their mouth is. Well, I have. I wouldn't ask for a donation to help Francine get that much closer to a Forever Family willing to adopt her if I didn't do my part. So now I am asking for you not to forget Miss Francine. All it takes is a few dollars. A week's worth of latte's. Plus once you do and you leave a comment on Jane's blog that you bought a puzzle piece or more, you are entered to win a whole lot of amazing prizes! Also, I ask that you pray that Francine gets a Forever Family soon. Someone who sees the amount raised so far as realizes they will have help along the way. I find more people are willing to help once they see a child has a family to go home to. Let's not forget that every child deserves the joy only experienced in a family, and that every family deserves to experience the joys and trials only a child like Francine and other children can bring.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Oh the joys of potty training. *eyeroll* You all may remember the I Do It Myself post I wrote at the end of May. The potty worked all of two days. I guess it's better than nothing. Suddenly she no longer wanted to use the potty and diapers were her bottom of choice. Sigh. I wouldn't be so frustrated if she didn't resort to not wanting to change her bum at all. Have you ever seen a diaper so saggy that one can shake their butt from side to side and the diaper hits their knees like a bell? Yeah, it's gross. For all the people out there thinking how could I let it get that bad? You don't have kids do you. When you are chasing four around all day, you learn to pick your battles pretty quickly.

I have been looking at my options for getting this kid to use the potty ever since I decided I really want her to go into preschool next year. Her older brother enjoyed it and did really well. Plus she keeps telling me she is going to school. Well dear. Hate to break it to you (not really), but if you plan on going to school you need to ditch the diaper. She understands somewhat.

With C, he was potty trained completely by the time he was two years old. This kid just would not keep his diaper on. So two weeks of running around the house naked from the waste down and two accidents he was using the potty like the rest of us.

E was not so easy. He liked the potty for a bit, and then screamed bloody murder for the rest of the time. Finally stating that he was not peeing on the potty until he was four. Big mistake for him when he turned four and I called his bluff. I found his currency pretty quickly though. This was one of the tricks I used before the age of four was the "potty two-fer". If the baby will do it, then big bro should follow.

Eventually I decided on going to Dollarama for two large poster boards. I wrote E's name on one in giant bold letters, and A's on the other in the same manner. I purchased as many stickers as I could. That was it! I had it the jack pot. I learned E's currency: Stickers. Each time he went to the bathroom, he got to put up a sticker. One sticker for when he went pee. Two stickers when he pooped. He thought this was fantastic. A on the other hand just wanted to put the stickers up and would move the stickers from one poster to the other. She was to prove that what is good for the goose was not good for the gander.

I have spent this whole time trying to figure out what she would need to go pee. We bought the new potty. I bought her Princess panties. Yet, she still peed everywhere at whim. Diaper or no diaper. After more research, and the need to stop spending so much money on diapers, I have found her currency: All things Princess and flowers.

We went to dollarama and she helped me pick out some toys for her "treasure chest" (potty rewards). I got a small princess book for stickers that she can carry around with her. I got headbands, barrets, hair ties, a barbie type doll, a dancing sunflower and a storage box to put it all in. I have to say after the first night of keeping us up because I wouldn't give her the toys, we have do have success. She now understands in order to get a toy she needs to go pee in the potty. She loves it and is proud to show off what she has done. She still has not pooped in the potty. She admitted that she is scared. We also still do diapers at bedtime. I know she is not ready for that yet. Which is okay by me. Getting them to go during the day is half the battle. The important part. The rest will come when her bladder is 100% ready! (She did have 2 accidents. During one she peed on hubby's leg. LoL.)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Monday was no ordinary day. It started off ordinary enough. I awoke in a zombie-like stupor. In place of my husband lay three children ranging in age from five years to ten months. I was trapped. First by sleeping legs and arms, then by energetic bodies tackling me in hopes of getting me up. I make my way downstairs. Clean the dirty kitchen while they eat their breakfast. Finally at 11am I am ready to sit and relax for a bit, when I am hit with the excited chatter of my husband.

"Let's set the bunk beds up now."

"ugh. Right now?" My reluctance is evident. Yet I want it done. I push past the desire to sit on my butt for the next hour.

The two main parts are heavy buggers, but soon (after a consult with the in-laws), the beds are set up and ready to go. Then hubby went and laid on the couch while I dealt with the aftermath. The pulled apart dresser with current address now unknown. Two beds in A's room. Toy boxes and toys skewed between rooms and all over floors.

I unscrewed A's current bed and took the parts to the garage. (It is now headed to the garbage depot to join it's other parts) E's old toddler bed is now A's. The homeless dresser is taking up permanent residence in the corner of A's room. Waiting impatiently (oh wait that's me) for L to take over it's empty drawer space. Wait. I am getting ahead of myself here. The homeless dresser was not willing to change apartment dwellings. It protested. I had C help me move the dresser to the corner. Maybe that was it's deal all along. "Nobody puts dresser in a corner". I don't know. All I know is that it inconspicuously left one of it's drawers standing in the entrance way to E's room. I was carrying E's giant toy box back into his room. I saw the drawer and went to move it an inch out of my way and that's when it struck!

It saw my foot coming at it and stealthily held it's firm grip on the carpet. Then in seconds it dropped kicked my ankle. Slicing down from the ankle bone to my heel. The evil laugh that came from it as I swore every last curse word known to man and hobbled over to put the toy box down. The tears welled from my eyes as the pain shot through my foot. The Ninja Drawer Warrior laid on the floor in satisfaction. He may have got the first strike, but I got the last laugh as I put the drawer in the dresser. In the corner. Of his new address.

"Breathers: A Zombie's Lament" by S.G.Brown, "The Dead" by Mark E. Rogers, "Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion" by Alan Goldsher for those bookly types. (I'll admit the last book there looks mighty interesting.)

So with all of which I listed being just a tiny pebble in the mountains of zombie entertainment how can one not assume if people start eating flesh (I am fully aware cannabalism is real, but I'm talking the undead kind here), that our children won't be the first to become one of these nasty undead walkers?

These movies, television shows, video games and books have good intentions I'm sure. Halloween is filled with our young sliding into costume to resemble them. This is precisely my point though. They are spending so much time joking about zombies how do we know that they will know when it really happens? How do we know that they will survive the massacre like we've always dreamt they would? I understand these things are meant to be a guide to help our children beat out these brain crazed fiends. I just cannot help but think that all our good intentions are going to get our future killed off in the first 60 minutes of this all too real impending reality.

How do you think Hubby, C and E will react when I base this reasoning for cutting out their zombie entertainment diet? I have a feeling this will be the true start of the Zombie Apocolypse. If I don't post again, guard your brains with your life because I'll be coming for you.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I was asked by Jane over at Flight Platform Living to join up with her this Sunday for her Sunday Sharing Linkup. I'm honored she thought of asking me.

My life is extremely chaotic and I dream of time to myself. Which a get in the wee hours of the morning. Hearing the tick tick tick of the clock keeps the true relaxation away as I know morning with children will come sooner than I'd like on most days. When I dreamed of having children I never envisioned all the sacrifices of me that I would have to make. There are many. However, sometimes the sacrifices of me don't seem so much sacrifices as they do priviledges. Those special moments when the noise around you quiets and the world seems to stop. It's just you and your little one, and all is right with the world. The housework doesn't exist. The phone stopped ringing. Food is no longer a necessity.

This is my girl. I prayed night and day for her for years. Finally she arrived. Yes, I did ask as soon as she was born if she really was a girl. She is strong-willed, voices her opinions, and has an awesome set of lungs that she exercises regularly. She loves to jump and play with the best of them. She is also my girly girl and mamma's girl.

We now have more time together, just her and I that E is in school half days. It's only a two hour period. Yet, in that two hours, she babbles about everything. Everything is "amazing". Weeping Willows and Palm trees are "sad". She collects the mail and cries when there is no key in our mailbox to open another box with bigger packages. Allowing her then to drop the second key in the mailbox slot waiting for the "clunk" as it hits the bottom. Lately, I've taken to calling her "My Girl" when she's being good. "That's My Girl". "That's a great job. Good Girl". Very common to hear when she listens as we leave peacefully from the school playground. As she co-operates and holds on to the stroller as we cross the street. Lately, A too has been calling me "her girl". I find this special as she loves her "girls". She calls Ashley Tisdale's character Sharpay "her girl". Hannah Montana is also "her girl", and it wasn't lost on me that the first thing she noticed on the poster was Hannah's red pumps. I think these ladies are very pretty. So if I fall into "her girl" category how cannot I not feel special. Somehow I know it's more than looks though that makes them special to her. Their characters have a sweet heart. My A has a sweet heart. She is seeing mine even when I cannot see it the majority of the time.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

I love my kids. They put the "amaze" in amazing! It's been a while since I last wrote a post about the silly words that come out of their mouths, and crazy things they do so here we go.

Lately my kids are complete nutters. Where they come up with the energy I have no clue. A refuses to nap in the afternoon anymore which she clearly needs. Most noticable 4pm and on. Sometimes she even passes out in the car when we go pick up Daddy from work. E no longer naps as he is in Kindergarten. I've seen those kids tear around that classroom. I don't understand how he's not falling down on his feet by bedtime. L, well he suffers with very little sleep during the day because the other two keep him up with their antics.

Last night case in point. I went to the bathroom "Mommy Haven" to get a few moments to myself before the kids went to bed. Hubby turned on the tunes and I could hear E going crazy dancing to the music. The Black Eyed Peas are his favourite but he will dance to everything with a beat. He was running around, stomping his feet, singing. Just killing us laughing as he continued. (He has also been known to play air guitar and sing about eating brains) A was in on it too. Dancing in her Princess costume. Hubby said that she looked like a Ukrainian dancer kicking up her legs as she went along. A did a few kicks for me and Hubby was right. I laughed so hard. I heard them having so much fun, my haven became a prison and I had to join in on the fun. I grabbed L out of the highchair and dance him around the house, with my children dancing around me like wood nymphs. It was a great evening. Getting them to settle down for bed wasn't so easy. Oops.

Their actions are not the only silliness that transpires at our home in one day. Toddlers can come up with the most amazing words when they cannot pronounce things properly.