If you’re like me, you take your scary movies seriously. Every Halloween season, I try to watch as many of my favorites as I can. If, however, you’re like Gilly, then you just don’t have the time nor the temperament for these shenanigans.

Recently, a friend of the blog steered me to this list of the Top 50 Scariest Movies of All Time. It’s a pretty good list; there are even a few on there that I haven’t seen. But rather than make Gilly watch all these movies, I’m going to summarize them for her – and your – benefit.

Here are capsule reviews of their top 10 Scariest Movies of All Time:

10. Carrie – I went to school with this girl. Seriously. Except for the part where she kills everyone at prom, we all thought she was a pretty sweet girl.

9. The Exorcist – At first I thought it was an exercise video, and man, was I disappointed. Until it got to that part with the neck-spinning and ceiling-walking, and then I realized it was a yoga video. Gilly likes yoga. Maybe I should ask her to watch this after all.

8. The Shining – It’s a great movie, but it feels a little bit dated now that everyone has switched over to compact fluorescent lamp light bulbs.

7. Nosferatu – Possibly the coolest movie ever made during the height of German expressionism. It’s not to be confused with Madonna’s “expressyourselfism.”

6. Repulsion – I haven’t seen this one, but I’m pretty sure it’s the story of my teenage love life.

5. Night of the Living Dead – George Romero became famous for this documentary about the Republican primaries.

4. Bride of Frankenstein – Aka, the movie with the most awesome hairdo ever. Do you think I can convince Gilly to adopt this look?

3. Halloween – In which Linus waits for the Great Pumpkin to arrive. He shows up with a giant knife, ending in a bad day for the Peanuts gang.

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre – I’m pretty sure this is a fantasy film made by democrats about the Republican primaries.

1. Psycho – An entire generation quit taking showers after this movie came out. We have Hitchcock to blame/thank (depending on your perspective) for Woodstock.

So that’s their list. Still, there’s a truly scary movie that somehow – unfathomably – missed the list. White Chicks was nowhere to be found.