– If you love The Rock and think he’s the best wrestler of all time, be sure to leave us a comment. That should cover my commenting hype-beg for the week and entitle every living human who isn’t me or Billy Jack Haynes to post something.

– An important thing to remember while reading this report is that I had a weekend literally full of awesome wrestling. I spent Friday night and Saturday and Sunday mornings at Wizard World Austin loitering around Darin Childs’ table in the 1600 aisle, commissioning professional art from my favorite wrestler in the world. Saturday night I went to Anarchy Championship Wrestling’s Lone Star Classic, which featured Portia Perez winning their heavyweight title only to lose it an hour later. ACH ended up with it, which was the second happiest thing that could happen. Also, the Nasty Boys were there. Sunday was CHIKARA’s High Noon iPPV. I was too worn out by then to cover it effectively, but it was one of the best shows of the year and Peck/Cabana II was simultaneously the best and worst match in history. So then Monday night comes along, and it’s three hours of Raw getting Rocked. My brain may not be processing this correctly.

– Oh, and before I forget, after the jump you can see four of my five (or six) favorite WWE Superstars appearing in one segment together on Friday’s Smackdown. Why am I not Besting and Worsting this show instead?

– For further reading when you’re done with Best and Worst, please consult:

A few notes:
1. Enough with the “trending topics” and “hashtag” commentary. WWE sounds like my mom trying to talk tech.
2. Someone teach Kofi Kingston how to do pushups. It’s hypnotizing how little pectoral definition he has.
3. Trying to convince me that the Rock is cool is like trying to convince me that Linkin Park, Korn, and Limp Bizkit are all still cool, as well. His segment was NEARLY as painful as Mick Foley’s “this is your life” bit.

I thought the crowd was pretty hot, but I guess it didn’t translate well to television. Regardless, start a show with Michael Cole dancing and you’re more-or-less baiting your audience into not giving a fuck about anything.

Zack Ryder is turning into the Deadpool of wrestling. At first you’re all “oh this guy is clever and interesting I’d like to see more of him” and then whatever company is in charge of him translates that to “NONSTOP ALL THE TIME EXPLOITATION” until you’re tired of his lame schtick and wish he’d just go back to hanging out with Blind Al.

Do I have to write @Brandon or is it implied all of these are in some sense @ you? I’d much prefer to see a High Noon report just because this Raw thing was the worst fucking thing ever. And I was an avid WCW watcher, though I may be slightly prone to exaggeration.

I understand why you don’t like the Rock, and why you hate the face Rock in particular, but I think it’s important to note that this man is very capable of entertaining. Heel, guitar-playing Rock is awesome and I wish he’d come back.

Cait Sith is one of those Final Fantasy characters where you don’t ever use him for anything and then there’s a part in the game where you’re forced to assign characters to an A-team and a B-team and you’re fucked because he’s like 30 levels behind everyone else and has no equipment or learned abilities.

Before I begin reading, I’d like to say that I remember reading Foley’s first two autobiography’s in the early 00’s. One thing that stood out to me was that he always had no problem to stand up to McMahon on shitty ideas. I don’t know what goes on behind the scenes, but, I get the impression there are far too many lower ranked wrestlers who are “Yes” men than guys with backbones. The “This is your life” segment and the Cole/JR segment were pure garbage. It’s about time that we get some lower tier wrestlers grow a pair and say something to get themselves on the air and get rid of filler crap that is happening now. I’m sure if Drew Mcintyre were to walk down the aisle and absolutely murder Cole, to briefly announce he’s sick of this crap and demand a fight, he’d be over in a jiffy.

Also, is it just me, or do all Attitude era superstars have that “stench” to them that other superstars from other wrestling eras do not have?

This was like one of those EWR/TEW shows where you’d put it together and be like, “THIS HAS TO MAKE SENSE I HAVE ALL MY BEST GUYS ON IT AND MY GUYS WITH A+ CHARISMA ARE DOING A BIG PROMO AT THE END” and then as you run the results it gets a D- because “something just didn’t click”.

Oh man, you got all of my wrestling sim memories back in one fell swoop.

Well, I’ve come around on Zack Ryder. Brandon’s right about him. His gimmick has officially jumped the shark. He wanders around spouting the same stupid catch phrases whether they work in the context of the segment or not, looking like a walking merchandise rack. Buy the Broski scarf! Buy the Broski chain! Buy the Broski fake wig! Buy the Broski neon-colored oversized novelty sunglasses! Enough already.

I’m sorry I ever implied you were a Ryder hipster, Brandon. Used to, I got excited when Zack Ryder, Internet Wrestling Community darling would appear on TV. Now I go “Jesus Christ, it’s Zack Ryder again and look at all that stupid Broski crap they’re selling”.

As for the rest of the show, it was a trainwreck, much like most episodes of Raw since Money in the Bank. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. How completely terrible was that Michael Cole segment? I dug JR’s dancing, in a perverse way. It was just so stupid and ridiculous that it was funny. Mick Foley fell flat for me, but I was never the biggest Foley fan.

Cody Rhodes’ new theme is awesome. I like how they’ve tweaked his music as his gimmick has changed, instead of replacing the theme entirely. Also, more picture-in-picture prematch interviews, please WWE.

that last Worst had the best title whoever said that on Facebook and Twitter is probably handsome and funny and has a huge penis. Also this week’s Best Worst Drinking Game put me in a coma before page 5.

Again I say I’d rather watch Superstars than this. And while I love and appreciate these reports, I think I’d rather read Best and Worst of SmackDown! as well. If I had to choose. If you can write both, awesome.

I register for your new comment system just to add this post so I hope it turns out to be worth the ten seconds of my life it took to do so.

I’m with you on most of this stuff Brandon, especially Goldberg Mode Rock, but I wanted to add I thought the first few minutes of his bit at the end of the show were incredible. I don’t know if he’s gotten better since becoming a legitimate actor or if he’s just that much more charismatic than everyone else but his opening shtick but every other line of dialogue on the show to shame. Clean, concise, articulate delivery. Perfect read on the crowd. Didn’t come out and immediately do the “Finally…” thing. Instead, he borrowed the dance music trope of build/break/release and delivered every single one of his lines right down to the end to maximum effect. And I thought to myself, this guy really is, in terms of portraying a character, light years beyond just about everyone else WWE has ever employed. Then, the WWE ruined it. The worst possible way to end that show was how they ended it and they wasted what sounded like a nuclear bomb’s worth of energy in the garden on it. Oh well, it still made me smile for a few minutes.

I wrote a High Noon review just in case anyone wanted to read one. I know, I’m not Brandon, but just because my writing has 37% more horse meat in it than Brandon’s doesn’t mean that it’s not somewhat nutritious!

I just want to point out that based on the way Alberto Del Rio locks the armbar up, he doesn’t need to do anything to Punk’s shoulder to tear the ligaments in PUNK’S ELBOW. Looks like the WWE announcers really want to know as little as possible about moves as they can. An armbar is the most basic jiujitsu submission. It doesn’t take long to figure out how it works.

First, epic anecdote about sitting with Rachel and Portia. It makes me a sad panda i am the wrong side of the Atlantic to be able to go to ACW shows.

Second, i think you havent clicked on the Big Show and Henry story. The way i see it is Henry has dominated everyone. He has kicked out of RKOs, gone through hell in a cell, put Sheamus through a barrier, put multiple people through tables, snapped ankles with chairs and just generally been a dominant SOB. But then Show comes back off the injury and while Henry put him out by WSS’ing him through a table he had nothing to lose then, but now he is the champ and this is the highest point he has ever reached in a long career. So Show comes back and Henry is still confident, but then he takes a knockout punch and unlike the 5 million punches he has taken over the years because American style means everyone constantly punches each other which never even gets a near fall let alone a 3 count he found himself knocked out in the ring. So in the backdrop to this he goes into Vengeance no longer confident he can take any move – he took an RKO no problem, but that punch would end his reign.

So Vengeance happens, he avoids the big punch but couldnt beat Show clean and only got through it by the match being thrown out due to that big superplex spot. He had to destroy himself to destroy Show. The next Smackdown he basically states he is done with Show who then vows to KO him every week until he gets a rematch, which he does and which Henry now has to give him this Sunday. The point of the story isnt that Henry shouldnt be afraid of him, its that he should be as Show is the only one who has been able to stop him in the Hall of Pain run. The point is that Henry has psyched himself out by thinking that Big Show is the only guy he cant beat.

Fingers crossed Smackdown continues to deliver and the story this Sunday should be Mark Henry gets hit with the big punch (i refuse to use its new nickname) but kicks out at 2 as he did to Orton’s RKO with him again delegitimisating another finisher that should stop him and sending him back to being the unstoppable monster with even more confidence than he had before.

I don’t even watch wrasslin anymore, but I happened to flip over after Rodgers 9th TD and saw that my favorite wrassler of all time was going to be on. Justin explained it perfectly. Seeing The Rock again just wasn’t the same, though I’m inclined to believe its both me growing up (only a little bit, farts are still fucking hilarious) and the WWE not being as good. I’m only a little mad I sat through the last 30 mins of RAW to see a bunch of shit talking at the end only to get 2 half assed Rock Bottoms.

And I’ve always hated Randy Orton. Whats with his stupid dance/gyrate thing he does when hes about to drop his weak ass Diamond Cutter?

Also, you know who’s useless? Yuffie. Shes a bitch and she steals. That dog too. I hated having to do that part of the game. Tifa and Cid all the way man….

Love the write ups, but as far as the Rock and his constant twitter/trending things, I really thought he was doing it in an ironic way. He really seemed like he was pushing it over and over again to prove, like you keep saying, that ANYTHING can be trending on twitter, and with the greatest of ease. Just my opinion, but he seemed to be mocking it just as much as you guys have the past few weeks (and you should. I don’t need to know when disgusting things people just said are trending)

This column has ruined wrestling for me but in a good way. Now I can’t help but watch it without thinking what will be a best or worst. It makes watching the really terrible raws almost enjoyable. Also I think you missed two best’s:

Best: that horrifically terrible “Raw gets’ Rocked” promo image where they just shook the raw log a bit in flash animation. Just the fact that a multimillion dollar corporation paid some employee to due that and then put it on television was the funniest thing I saw all night. That thing had me laughing so I could actually stomach the opening segment.

Best: Dolph Ziggler’s little Loney Tunes arm flapping thing as he fell out of Mason “I’m not Batista” Ryan’s Gorilla Press. I swear he was going to stop in mid air pull out a little “Uh Oh” sign and leave a Ziggler shaped hole in the ring.

just to shoehorn this theory in here: They’re not debuting Brodus over and over on purpose. It’s a play on their passé hype videos, an attempt to slide in the “talent relations” part of Ace’s gig, and it’s a way to get the audience to go “ugh, good god, just debut him already!” When he does eventually come out, a whole section somewhere is going to go “Finally! Jesus!”

Raw blows….your reviews are the only thing at this point of my life(26) that keeps me interested. I was at Money in the Bank. How we have gone from that to this is beyond me. Gonna be awhile before we hear the sound of the bat buddy.

“(I’m still trying to figure out which part of my outfit makes me dorkier, the Zelda hoodie, the Totoro shirt or the Minor League Baseball hat.)”

The answer, of course, is the scraggly ginger beard. It’s ALWAYS the scraggly ginger beard.

Re: the Rock. Face Rock has pretty much always been ass. That said, as another commenter pointed out, he’s still VASTLY better than the entire roster at playing a character, even if the WWE wants that character to be a pale imitation of what he did 8-11 years ago. And with THAT said, I’d still rather watch Fast 5 than his appearance last night, and I’ve marked for pretty much every one of his limited returns (though the Hurricane ones were, by far, the best).

Also, John Cena’s dad should take Michael Cole’s place as a ringside announcer. His voice is great, he has a knowledge of the game (little g) and could provide some great history so maybe JR and King can man up and I can finally listen to a broadcast. Plus, Daddy Cena jumping up from time to shout “THAT’S MY SON!” to embarrass the Never Give Up Machine would be some good comedy.

What would happen to Michael Cole? God, I don’t know and I certainly do not care. Maybe he can go back to being the little pipsqueak that the Rock beats up in backstage promos?

I would like to say that while I was a huge mark for The Rock, he is pretty sad compared to some of his heights of his heel days in particular. That being said, there is something to be had from a guy who can get the crowd so excited. I feel like The Rock still can be good, but he is taking the things that he, in one breath, says are stupid about Cena, like catchphrases and appealing to kids and mindless idiots, and using them himself. The Rock is still talented on the mic, if he isn’t spitting one of his 1500 catchphrases, but that’s virtually all he’s done in the last 6 months.

Anyhow, this week’s Raw was a shitpile, so I’m glad you got to enjoy wrestling this weekend, prior to yesterday.

So from last week we all agreed, or at least I did, on playing Batman and man it’s frickin sick. Love the hoody by the way. Glad I was actually playing batman while this show was going on because my aggression had to get out somewhere.
I do think though that cena needs to go heel because he acts like one and if they really want him to sell tickets and be the superstar he is we all need a little break from him.

Watching that Cena clip from ’03 reminds me why I hated/hate him and why I stopped watching wrestling because of him and Carlito. I would try to watch the show back then and when I saw those guys I just thought to myself…”the fuck?”.

The Twitter stuff is realllllly making me want to tune out. Like take a couple months off, tune in and if it’s still going on…give it a year. What’s worse is TNA is guilty of this also. They put up, “@So_and_So: Z0MG! Velvet Sky is awesome yall!”, graphics during their matches now.

I’m am also annoyed by bad videogame controller pantomime.

Bull Buchanon losing his money in a ponzi scheme got the biggest LOL from me last night. He was probably the highlight of the entire 3 hours for me. That is a sad state of affairs.

Wow, are we ever on the same page. I’m not trying to pander to you or anything, Brandon, but there are several instances throughout the show where I said exactly what you did here.

The biggest thing pointed out that stood out to me was the Hunico “Latino Gangster” character. It seems, in Pro-Wrestling World, if you’re latino and not wearing a mask, you are by default from “the streets”. Wifebeater? Check. Doo-Rag? Check. I could almost have let this slide had Hunico been introduced as this character but he wasn’t. He was the evil mirror image of Sin Cara, who has even been directly referenced as a superhero. Meaning that Hunico was Venom to Sin Cara’s Spider Man. If Venom lost his symbiote and ended up being a minority-thug stereotype, I would’ve went ‘ugh’ and remind myself that Batman is better.

I don’t really get the appeal of Zack Ryder. He’s OK in the ring, as good as any midcarder, and if he beats Ziggler for the title and gets Dolph into the main event picture, I’m all for it, but the character drives me nuts. I don’t know if this is a “being himself with volume turned up” situation or a Robbie-E style cash in on Jersey Shore…but it should stop if the US title is going to get back any semblance of respect.

The Mick Foley segment was pretty good, for being a part of the non-wrestling that took up 90% of a 3 hour long show, and my reaction to Cena’s reactions was similar to the report’s. He genuinely seemed both entertained and embarrassed by the whole thing. And The Rock boots-to-assing Foley was the most entertaining thing he’s done since The Rundown.

I really hope that Jack Swagger becomes a thing, and can’t wait to see it. After losing to the people he has (see: Evan Bourne, Santino Marella) the number of times he has (once is too much), he deserves it.

The second I heard it, I thought “I really hope Brandon addresses Lawler’s taste in movies this week.”

I’ve never liked The Rock, in comparison to other wrestlers working alongside him. When he started out, I was all about Bret Hart. When he became a main eventer, I was a total mark for Stone Cold. When he went face, I always thought that HHH was way too good a heel and Rock was not that great a face. And now we have this. The Rock has been around long enough, and has talked enough, that nothing he says seems original. Cena may say some really dumb things sometimes, but at least they aren’t SO redundant. Their wrestling styles are similar enough that they should put up a good match at Wrestlemania, but I just can’t seem to care about this tag match. I’d almost rather listen to the four of them banter for 30 minutes.

Lastly, in regards to Cena v. Rock, Cena won it for me with “I Bring It Via Satellite”.

Why does The Rock have Stone Cold’s bald head/goatee look, doesn’t he know it’s not the 90’s? The Survivor Series main event is so unevenly stacked that Awesome Truth might as well be jobbers. I’m much more excited for the traditional Survivor Series Team Orton vs Team Barrett match.

I’ll go ahead and blame the education system for Hunico’s demise. I didn’t realize that losing your wrestling mask turns you into a Los Santos resident.

Gotta say I loved that Mark Henry shirt. Finally glad he got one and its pretty badass.

I actually didn’t mind the Rock, really. Maybe it was the hot crowd, but it felt genuinely excitingto me. The crowd was eating out of his hand and he took advantage. Not excited at all for the main event at SS though, since it’ll basically be “How will Rock/Cena feud after the match?” or something, where everyone prays Cena will turn heel but get disappointed once again.

@Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer – It’s an old Team Angle shirt I have signed by Kurt Angle and Shelton Benjamin. The only signature I don’t have is Charlie Haas, and he was supposed to be there. He no-showed and was replaced by Shad from Cryme Tyme. I just hadn’t lugged it back to my car yet.

@Milkman – The answer is that babyface The Rock was never good, and he’s always been like this.

Here is my dream: from now on, whenever anyone in WWE uses the phrase “trending worldwide” on broadcast TV, I want them to immediately be savagely assaulted by burly men in trollface masks and beaten until they are gory.

That was the worst RAW of the year, and there have been many shitty episodes. I’ve now lost whatever hope I had back at the beginning of summer that they might change things for the better.

I’m starting to feel like what’s happening with Zack Ryder is like when you casually mention to your wife or GF that you like Transformers (or whatever) and the next day, she surprises you with a house full of Transformers-related stuff: cereal, t-shirts, notebooks, pencils, pencil sharpeners, Colorforms, candy… everything but actual Transformers.

I don’t want to order Survivor Series right now. The thought of paying $50 for the current level of shit they’re “entertaining” us with does not sit well, no sir.

Excellent report, as usual, Mr. Stroud, however, I really think you would have been better served watching and reporting on NWA Mountain State’s 300th show (Not that you can’t at a later date, of course, [www.youtube.com]). Johnny Blast is pretty much tied with Junior Dos Santos as “Nicest, most delightful world heavyweight champion”.

As for the anaconda vice question you posed – it always looked wonky to me, like it might incorporate a crappy keylock or maybe a half-assed biceps slicer, and while this video shows it could be transitioned to a modified americana ([www.youtube.com]), the true vice is both a choke and a crank ([www.youtube.com]), but I guess it’s easier to show the after effects of an arm attack than being choked into unconsciousness.

“while they glance over his shoulder to see if the little metro guy who’s way better than him is peace-signing anywhere in the background.” Did I read that right? Did he say Bourne is “way better” than Kofi? Can i get some clarification on that?

I will give the Rock coming in for 2 seconds to rock bottom Mick was awesome. And I completely agree that most of this show was a waste of time. The thing that boggles my mind is why they keep advertising the Rock like he is back to wrestling like he was but all he does is come out for 15 minutes to bitch about Cena then leaves for 4 more months to do it again to have 1 match so he can leave again for 5 more months to have 1 more match. Which most likely will be his last match. hell Undertaker has wrestled more in the last year than the Rock has and Taker is a broken old man.

THESTINGER is getting increasingly frustrated with Raw. It sucked for a lot of years and then became amazing for a few weeks over the summer and it is no quickly being made to suck again.

Mic Foley is one of THESTINGER’s five favorite wrestlers. He is up there with Dusty Rhodes. THESTINGER does not know how much longer Mic Foley will stay with that illustrious group if he keeps doing stuff like he did last night.

THESTINGER likes The Rock pretty okay. THESTINGER’s wife loves The Rock and thinks he’s hilarious. The Rock was not bad last night and the THESTINGER is glad that they did not use him for all three hours.

Still, THESTINGER is so much more excited by Smackdown. THESTINGER does not care much for Randy Orton but Randy Orton has helped make Mark Henry into a monster and is giving Cody Rhodes a great opportunity. He is even making Wade Barrett, someone THESTINGER does not really care about, into a viable threat. Orton is still the big guy on Smackdown but THESTINGER can see any of those other guys winning a tough (and excellent) match against Orton. THESTINGER thinks that Orton has come a long way from being Smackdown’s version of boring Cena.

Twitter annoys THESTINGER. THESTINGER does not understand thetwitter. The only thing THESTINGER likes about wrestling twitter is seeing Daniel Bryan and Evan Bourne be extremely leftist on thetwitter. THESTINGER is a proud socialist and is glad to see fellow wrestlers share those views.

THESTINGER agrees with a lot that has been said. THESTINGER is not opposed to The Rock coming back but feels that people that are so over and so indestructible should likewise leave and make special appearances. THESTINGER does not like what John Cena does to other wrestlers and does not believe that other wrestlers come out better for being with him (CM Punk was the exception). THESTINGER believes that if Cena were to leave and come back a few times a year that his fans would still be happy and it would give other wrestlers a decent chance. By not having such a dominant guy like Cena it would also make the disparity between the belts not seem as bad and give a lot more weight to the US Championship and Intercontinental Championship. No one believes Dolph Ziggler or Cody Rhodes (two of their best young talent) could beat Cena but if Cena is gone and it is people like Punk / ADR / Mark Henry / Sheamus / Orton going for the top belts THESTINGER believes that those with the second tier belts could be credible threats to those with the top belts.

THESTINGER would like to close with one thought that has been bothering him lately. THESTINGER does not like to see wrestlers bury other wrestlers by attacking their gimmick. THESTINGER knows that ADR is not a billionaire aristocrat and that he rents cars, but when Cena or someone attacks him gimmick it just hurts ADR and doesn’t make Cena look any better. His fans will like him and those that don’t (like THESTINGER) will have more proof to point to that he’s a bully.

THESTINGER feels that by sniping someone’s gimmick it only hurts that person. In a good match THESTINGER knows from experience that both wrestlers come away looking better. Everyone should be there to build up everyone else instead of tearing them down.

THESTINGER even wants people to lay off the despicable John Cena. Stop attacking his gimmick, just try to do your own thing. THESTINGER hopes that someone like The Miz (a great talent) will never attack The Undertaker’s gimmick and do his “Really? Really?” bit about him being immortal or dead or whatever.

I think that after whatever Rock does at Wrestlemania, he deserves a slow clap. After the dramatic pin, everyone in the audience is dead silent. Then one brave soul puts his hands together. Then another. And so on until utter pandemonium ensues. Could there be a better way to recognize his lifetime achievements?

zack ryder is getting PAID. so good for him. i might buy the mark henry shirt, but i would prefer the weightlifter elephant logo instead of vengeance poster. i missed the first hour but i guess i didnt miss anything.

Loved Rock’s narrative of his day at the start, that deserved a Best. The rest I could have done without although i did actually LOL when I checked twitter after Raw and saw Cena’s Lady Parts at #4 lame tiff between them but funny real world result none the less.

Nobody in the company is above being a mysoginist homophobe, but then again they are wrestlers and they are supposed to have rough edges and offend.

2. Mick Foley looks great, it’s good to see him, but the “This is Your Life” segment died a painful death the last time he did it and should never have been resurrected this time. Much like the Rock and all his catchphrases and whatnot, some things do not age well.

3. That said, I did like the Rock’s Goldberg homage–but WTF is with the facial hair? That just screams “trying to be like all you hip young dudes but in reality looking about twenty years too old”. Someone get that man a razor.

4. Seconding the “Daddy Cena replacing Michael Cole” comment–I would actually watch Raw again to see that. Also, Cena’s reactions to his dad were indeed priceless, and I would love to see him dealing with the parental embarrassment.

I really thought the Cole challenge was gonna be The way for JR to return full-time, and for Cole to become a front-of-the-camera character. I knew it was gonna suck, but I really thought there was going to be a payoff. Especially after having to wait three weeks for it. I actually expected resolution.

You people are not that smart.. The Rock has a bald head and a beard because his filming the new Gi-Joe movie and thats the way the character in which he plays is supposed to look, NOT because he wants to look like Goldberg or Stone cold.. And if you dont like WWE then simply stop watching it… No one put any type of guns to your heads (at least i wouldnt think they would) And i dont get you people.. You ask for Zack Ryder to get Tv time, and when he does its now a problem.?? The Rock obviously didnt come back for the money he did it for the ungreatful fans like you all.. Is the Rock doing anything different than what Stone Cold has been doing for over five years now?? But unlike Stone Cold, hes actually competing in two pay per views.. My point is, is that the WWE is only doing what they thought you all wanted to see.. And if not for Rock you all wouldve been seeing John Cena in every WWE Title match all year long.. Just like we have been seeing since 2005… If the younger talent cant do it, Bring in the Old one to put them over… And i for one do not wanna see a Dolph Ziggler vs a Santino type match all the time.. I rather watch “Fish Hooks” (by the way i hate Fish Hooks)