Macaulay Culkin Can Look Haggard if He Wants To (VIDEO)

Look, I'm not gonna lie. I'm totally worried about Macaulay Culkin. Whether he has a $6,000 a month heroin and painkiller habit or not, something has got to be going horribly, terribly wrong in the 31-year-old actor's life, because, well -- just look at him! He looks closer to 81 than 31, and even though paparazzi first snapped the Home Alone star looking shockingly gaunt and out of it a few months back, rumors are resurfacing about his alleged addiction and how he only has six months to live.

Like I said, something has to be wrong -- the man is clearly not in good health. But maybe drugs aren't to blame. Maybe he's got a horrible terminal illness. Maybe ... he's got a horrible terminal illness. (Sorry, that's all I can come up with! He looks terminally ill!) Either way, he's sick, so leave him alone!

The report in the National Enquirer that Macaulay Culkin is addicted to Heroin and assorted hallucinogenics is not only categorically without merit, but it is also impossibly and ridiculously fictitious. We beseech the responsible media to consider the source and its reputation and to please not perpetuate this destructive and insulting story by pursuing it any further.

Addicted to "assorted" hallucinogenics? That's a new one. Anyway, hopefully this is true and Culkin isn't addicted to anything. That said, no matter what he's dealing with, he should be able to deal with it privately, free from nasty public speculation. Unlike other celebs, Culkin can't even be held responsible for his own fame. He made it way too big, way too young, and that wasn't his decision, it was his parents' doing.