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Wednesday, March 23, 2016

I'M NOT SCARED

Sorry I confused you if you saw my earlier post.

I tried to do something creative to follow-up on my poem about a certain presidential candidate, but I messed it up and it didn't work.

Let's all be happy, happy, happy! We're not scared!

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, I know something cool! Remember Robyn Alana Engel who blogs at Life By Chocolate?
Remember that Robyn Alana Engel wrote a memoir-ish book called Woman on the Verge of Paradise? You can buy it on Amazon at http://goo.gl/0P1X8V.

Go ahead. Go buy it. I'll wait for you before I write the rest of the post.

Time's up. Here's the something cool:

Robyn Alana Engel has an advert for her book in Kirkus Reviews!

Robyn Alana Engel quotes ME in the advert! I don't think I really said it, though, because it's such a good quotation. But if Robyn Alana Engel put me in the advert, then I must have said it or written it in icing on a sugar cookie.

If you can't find the ad in the bottom right corner of the page, then go to Life By Chocolate to tell Robyn Alana Engel that you want to see my words in her shit stuff book advert.

Notice how I use advert most of the time. It's because Madonna and I are the same age, and she grew a British accent while she lived in England, so she probably uses British slang, too, and that means I do what Madonna does, except––get naked and have photos taken that I put in a book (okay, maybe once I had a naked photo taken but it is NOT in a book, just a magazine); pretend to be posh and British because I married a British director who now calls me a monster; think I can sing and dance when my dancing is simply striking a pose but kajillions of people watch me and pay the rent money for tickets to my show; and, last but certainly not least, wear a cone bra and hump the stage.

Robyn Alana Engel and I have also discovered we're a pretty good comedy team. We will replace Tina what's her name and Amy what's her name and host awards shows on TV and be on Saturday Night Live occasionally but only occasionally because we're so cool we've outgrown that crap and write books that sell a little bit more than Woman on the Verge of Paradise, which deserves more sales.

Woohooooo! I loves ya, Tina-Janie. PVP is a cool pickle too. My sales are still much higher since you were quoted - in the top 1000 on Kindle. But yeah, I need more, more, more sales. I think we need to show more cleavage, JJ!

Haha. Yes, tell every person in the world. I need five more. Just five more reviews, til Amazon promotes my book. I can get five, right? Five is all I need. Do I have five volunteers to read - or pretend to read and love - my book and write an Amazon review? I only need five!

I dreamed about Robyn last night. Nothing weird. She was just there being nice. I don't remember if I have dreamed of you yet, but it just might happen. Hopefully, everything will turn out good when I do. It is spooky what the subconscious mind will do when no one is watching.

I never remember my dreams. I know what happened in them the moment that I wake up, but then the memory disappears immediately--too fast for me to even write it down. I have lots of nightmares, so please try to dream that I have sweet dreams. Dream of me baking cookies for you (Norwegian cookies).