Saturday, July 28, 2007

I feel a bit of a fraud, writing in a diet blog when I haven't actually been dieting. I finish work tomorrow and fly next week and there are so many things I want to eat before I go because rather than just thinking I won't be able to eat them again (oh the mental pitfall of so many a diet!), I actually won't be able to, so I've pretty much been eating whatever looked good and was chocolate coated.

The other day I was really worried about what my weight must be. Having gained so much after London and finally being able to scrape the last of the regain away, the thought of being back to it - or worse, more! had me feeling sick and making deals with myself, God, and the devil.

The scale taunted me. It knew, it knew and I didn't, and I didn't want to but I really did and so no matter how many times I told myself 'right, that's it! I'm not weighing in. What if I'm back to 230? I would be crushed! Distraught! I would slip into a depression guaranteed to send all hope of getting back on track out the window and balloon me back up to 252 and beyond!' I just couldn't stay away. So I finally crept into the bathroom yesterday morning, just as the morning sky was lighting up, hoping to step on and off quickly enough that the scale didn't have a chance to fully wake up and realise what I was doing.

220.4.

... What?

I didn't realise the ninja-like stealth approach actually worked.

I look again, staying to the shadows while it's red numbers blink sleepily. No, I definitely read that right. Really?

It glances balefully into my corner as I sneak away, it's sleep clogged mind not alert enough to add any extra pounds.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Sorry children, time seems to have run away with me again. I'm still here, still going, still not really seeing much of a difference on the scale. I really think it might be just because I'm stressing so much about it (with me leaving in two weeks) that it's just not coming off. I'm just going to keep going and try to not gain anything, even if it means I don't really lose much.

Sadly, that leaves me with not much to say. It's July 21st and I have no Harry Potter book, this makes me sad (please don't tell me what happens in the comments, I am going to try and get it tomorrow).

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The WOD is getting desperate, it knows I've just started my last fortnight at work and can smell the scent of my victory perfuming the air. After several close calls I've been forced to adapt my strategy and stop taking money to work. No change = no food, zero willpower necessary. My brain doesn't thank me for it but I think the rest of me will in the long run.

Other than that things are going alright I guess. I saw a customer walk past with a Taste the Difference Chocolate Gateaux (it deserves every one of those capital letters) today, and had to be physically restrained from doing a swan dive off the counter-top into it's general vicinity, but other than that I'm fine. I'm still hovering around 220 though. It seems to have been recruited by 242.2 without my knowing, the Gestapo of my war on food.

Friday, July 13, 2007

221 this morning and complete break out all over my face. I'm hoping this is a sign that TOM is coming to visit rather than anything else. (edit: yep, Aunty Flo turned up on my door-step about an hour ago)

I was sorting through a load of junk we got down from the attic and found a pair of my old jeans. They're a UK size 20 (US 18) and are a little tight, but do up and zip with no problems. I'm quite happy as the jeans I have now were getting big and I didn't want to spend money on a new pair.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

I should be happy with that but I find it quite disappointing. I saw 218 on the scale a few days ago and was hoping to scrape it down to 217 before today really. I did make my minimum goal that I had in my head last week, but only by the skin of my teeth.

I know, 8lbs is still 8lbs less then I had, but still. It didn't seem to give me that satisfying rush of achievement that I got with previous month's. Sigh.

I guess the answer is doing better next month so I've got more to be happy about. July will be my last weigh in in England so it's an important. I'm hoping to at least break 210.