Getting Together eBook

But this sort of foolish calumny dies hard, together
with such phrases as:—­“England is
prepared to hold on, to the last Frenchman!”
While not strictly relevant to our present discussion,
the following figures may be of interest. In
August 1914 the British Regular Army consisted of
about a hundred and fifty thousand men. To-day,
British troops in France number two million; in Salonica,
a hundred and forty thousand; in Egypt, a hundred
and eighty thousand; in Mesopotamia, a hundred and
twenty thousand. The Navy absorbs another four
hundred thousand, while a full million are occupied
in purely naval construction and repair. And
at home again enormous masses of new troops are undergoing
training. This seems to dispose of the suggestion
that Great Britain is winning the War by proxy.

And for the upkeep of this mighty host, and for this
general comforting of the Allies, the British taxpayer
is now paying cheerfully and willingly, in addition
to such trifling impositions as a 60 per cent tax
on his commercial profits, income tax at the rate of
twenty-five cents in the dollar.

On the other side of the account, Life, the
American equivalent of Punch, (if it is possible
for the humour of a particular nation to find its
equivalent in any other nation), published not long
ago a special “John Bull” number, which
will for ever remain a monument of journalistic generosity
and international courtesy. Life’s good
deed was gracefully acknowledged by Punch and
The Spectator.

But in spite of Life’s good example,
enough has been said under this head to illuminate
the fact that a common language is a doubtful blessing.
The joint possession of the tongue that Shakespeare
and Milton and Longfellow and Abraham Lincoln spoke
has bestowed little upon our two nations but a convenient
medium, too often, for shrewish altercation, coupled
with the profound conviction of either side that the
other side is unable to speak correct English.

Well, this nonsense must stop.

CHAPTER SIX

Therefore, whenever a true American and a true Briton
get together, let them hold an international symposium
of their own. If it were not for the unfortunate
interposition of the Atlantic Ocean, this interview
would be extended, with proportional profit, to the
greatest symposium the world has ever seen. Meanwhile,
we will make shift with a company of two.

The following counsel is respectfully offered to the
participants in the debate.

Let the Briton remember:—­

1. Remember you are talking to a
friend.

2. Remember you are talking to a
man who regards his nation as
the greatest nation
in the world. He will probably tell you
this.

3. Remember you are talking to a
man whose country has made an
enormous contribution
to your cause in men, material, and
money, besides putting
up with a good deal of inconvenience
and irksome supervision
at your hands. Remember, too, that
your own country has
made little or no acknowledgement of
its indebtedness in
this matter.