Tales from a normal housewife and mother whose life is sometimes anything but.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Original or Extra Crispy?

I really have no idea what a 110 electric current will do to a raccoon. I'm no authority on the amount of electricity it takes to kill a raccoon or run a ceiling fan. I'm assuming it's a 110...seems 220 would be overkill (no pun intended). But to get to the point, there is quite possibly a dead raccoon in our attic.

For weeks we've fought tirelessly to get rid of the upstairs neighbor. Okay, that's not entirely true...we've also fought while we were tired. But see, the fun thing about this is, we don't have an upstairs, just an attic and the neighbor isn't exactly human. In case you ever need to know, raccoons are not fond of Marilyn Manson or strobe lights.

Before I get into this I should really say, we were here first. Okay, okay..maybe not..I suppose animals probably roamed freely on our lot many, many years before our house was built, but do you see them coughing up money for the mortgage payment or even trying to put some of their foraging on our table? I don't reckon. Don't hand me that bleeding heart crap about how they're part of nature and we should love them. I do love animals, just not ones who want to take up residence in my attic without my permission.

This afternoon Nathan and I went for a walk. The temperature was perfect for it and you could smell the first kiss of fall on the air. I was in a great mood when we got back and ready to take on anything the evening threw at me. Lately things had been fairly normal so I wasn't expecting anything too insane as we settled in to watch a little TV and chill for a bit.

Suddenly, the ceiling fan lights go out. First thought: power outage. This confused me for a moment though because this power outage hadn't affected anything except the ceiling fan. How does that happen? What? I stood up, pulled the string a few times....nothing... Hmmm....

Have you ever heard a raccoon scream? I guess anything with vocal cords can scream, but I had never even considered what it would sound like if a raccoon screamed. It didn't even register what it was for a second. I'm standing there, wide eyed, pull string in hand, trying to figure out what was happening. Finally, it hit me....

I decided the next best thing to do was call Adam. Husbands can solve a lot of problems! I was worried about fire more than anything. I mean, really, I know I should have been concerned for the little dude's safety, but if the house went up, he would too, so I guess in a way, I was concerned for him. After much mind cursing (I rarely curse aloud) and talk of buying a shotgun, Adam directs me to the light switch in the closet that I had completely forgotten about. Who in their right mind puts a light switch in a kitchen closet that goes to the living room ceiling fan anyway?! Oh yeah...probably the same people who put in the plumbing that we've fixed too many times to count. Of course, it only gets fixed the second time because I was the one who fixed it the first time, but still...we're not talking about me.

I'm thinking tomorrow should be interesting. There is no way I'm getting up there, yo. The thought of spiders alone gives me the creeps...I can't even imagine what I would do if faced with a dead raccoon.

Moral of the story, folks? If you're a cute but annoying creature, don't hang out in people's attics who have ceiling fans. Either you're gonna die or kinda wish you had. It's been silent up there since, so I'm thinking if he did make it, we're not gonna be hearing from him again (BRIGHT SIDE!!). Nathan did make a good point tonight though as we were chit chatting about it...

Dinner! And it's already cooked....

Don't look at me like that...I can't help that he got my twisted sense of humor.