Why Alan Pardew must learn to control his "inner chimp" following his seven-match ban

The Newcastle boss would do well to read up on Roy Hodgson's England consultant Prof Steve Peters' Chimp Paradox

Clash: Alan Pardew and David Meyler are held apart (Photo: Matthew Lewis)

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Alan Pardew's inner chimp got the better of him.

The aggressive, react first-think later, fight impulse took over his brain, as David Meyler invaded his technical area and gave him a shove.

Pardew's inner chimp, much like everyone else's is irrational and driven by insecurity, paranoia and survival. Factors that managing Newcastle United must exaggerate.

Here was a young cocky opposition midfielder, getting in Pardew's face, challenging his authority.

Inside Alan Pardew's mind, the rational human part of his brain - the bit that makes fact-based, calculated decisions, might have thought: "OK, let this one go. Meyler's a young kid, scrambling for the ball to take a quick throw in. Confrontation would be pointless. This happens countless times during a season. Anyway, we're winning 3-1."

The third part of Pardew's brain, the computer part, keeps Pardew's store of personal values, gathered from 52 years of life experience - some positive, others negative.

Maybe one of those values was that he was the leader, the king, and when authority is challenged, you stand up for yourself. Maybe another comes from the lectures his kids give him when he has erred in the past, for instance swearing at Manuel Pellegrini earlier in the season: "Not very clever Daddy."

The "chimp" in an untrained brain can be the most powerful element. It certainly was in Alan Pardew's brain a week ago when instead of smiling at Meyler, joking he was a cheeky chap for pushing him, he stepped into a confrontation, and dipped his head into the player's face.

Pardew's chimp.... emotional, irrational, illogical and leaving him remorseful in the aftermath.

The chimp wins unless it is controlled. Pardew needs to develop methods to control his chimp, which has show itself too many times on the touchline, and therefore overcome.

(Photo: Sky)

What am I on about?

The above theory is Prof Steve Peters' Chimp Paradox applied to Pardew's moment of shame at Hull City, which has earned him a seven-match ban from the FA Disciplinary Commission.

If it is good enough for the England football team, Liverpool FC, and the British Cycling squad, it is certainly a theory that Alan Pardew should explore.

Pardew will find many of the explanations and answers to his touchline troubles contained in psychiatrist Peters' book, which many a champion, leading businessman, and interested human being has turned to to explain the workings of their mind and their moods.

Pardew isn't the only one who has a problem with his chimp. We all do. He's just the man whose problem manifests itself on a touchline with tens of millions of people watching across the world.

Pardew will face the FA with a QC at his side, showing he knows that the length and severity of punishment will have a huge impact on his ability to his job as Newcastle manager for the rest of the season, and on his own reputation.

He has let it be known that he will accept any punishment that is handed down. Which is generous given that is how these things usually work. He's not there to choose his own sanctions.

Pardew has been handed a seven-match ban, with the first three games being a complete stadium ban and the remaining four a touchline ban.

The stadium ban means he won't be able to deliver a team talk in the dressing room, or even watch from the stands. Instead he'll be in a hotel nearby watching on a screen, no contact allowed with his bench.

For the touchline ban, where he takes a seat in the director's box and can't orchestrate proceedings during the game.

(Photo: Michael Regan)

Or course there is the alternative view, expressed by a small section of Newcastle fans, that it wasn't actually head-butt at all, and that it is all a media conspiracy to get their manager banned.

Point out that what Pardew did, does indeed fit perfectly with the dictionary definition of "headbutt" and you're met with the knuckle-dragging response: "Think that's a head-butt? Where did you grow up, man."

In some bits of Toon, if you consider Pardew's use of the head an actual "headbutt", you must have grown up in some cosseted, effete world of privilege, rather than a world where it is apparently common place to use the forehead to, borrowing Pardew's explanation, "push him away".

What we will see before Newcastle play Fulham this weekend is Pardew full of remorse, and pledging to make amends, but he must promise to deal with his over-aggressive touchline antics.

He needs to become the cool headed analytical one, not a leader who head-butts from the front.

He could do worse than spend a tenner on The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness.