The Search for Happiness…?

Well, a slight shift from my previous blog post – the guy who I had been seeing since November ended things with me last week. I don’t want to go into all the details but needless to say that it hit me completely out of the blue and broke my heart. But, as all those feel-good cliches that I’ve been telling myself go:

“You loved him enough to let him leave… now you need to love yourself enough to let him go.”

And that’s the last time I’ll ever mention him.

And so, the next chapter.

After spending a year in Denmark, I hadn’t been to the hairdressers since last winter, and while it definitely needed a break from being dyed, it has now started to look a little dull.

I decided that a change was needed for 2019, and so I started having a look at some old photos of myself from when I’ve dyed my hair in the past. I loved the warm, coppery tones the most, so I decided to get a chop and go a little ginger.

Did it make me happier? HELL YES.

I now feel much more like myself with this hair – something that is the first step to finding true inner happiness.

I’ve come to realise that, historically, I’ve placed my happiness in the hands of other people and other things. I need to focus more on what makes me happy first, and the other stuff is a bonus. For example, the amount of times where I’ve done something that I didn’t actually want to do is just ridiculous. Times where I’ve socialised where I actually wanted needed to be at home. Or where I’ve tried to change for someone else, or to fit in with what I perceive is expected of me. If it’s not something that I want to do, then it sure as shit isn’t going to make me happy, is it? So I’m learning to say “no” a lot more, and without apologising for it. And actually using the phrase “I just don’t want to do that,” which is the hardest sentence to say to someone – because you know it’ll make you come across as a total dick. But life is short, and if you waste it doing stuff you don’t enjoy, then what’s the point?

I am very lucky in the sense that I love my job, I love my colleagues and I love the company I work for. Sure, I moan about this and that when it comes to work, but usually it’s because I’m tired and grumpy at the time. Outside of work? That’s where the challenge is. Happiness, to me, is being sat in front of the TV with a cup of tea in my pyjamas. Or watching the trailer to a movie or TV show that I’ve been waiting to see for ages. Or editing a video or some photos. Very simple. Very lazy. And a lot of people find that frustrating or anti-social. But I’ve been social all week at work – physically in the office and digitally in my job role. I need the down-time.

Bear in mind that I’m writing this in winter, and winter is notorious for sucking the life out of me. I love winter, it’s my second favourite season (autumn is my number one), but it sure does make me want to hibernate.
My perception of happiness will likely shift as the days get longer, the weather gets warmer, the leaves start budding and sun shines brighter.