What No One Tells You..

It’s funny, what you can and cannot put into words. Those feelings that just seem to eat you up but you can’t seem to get out.. but here it goes.

I’ve never wanted to be a figure competitor. Ever. Do I coach them nutritionally? Yes. But I myself have never had the particular urge to diet down so lean, spend countless amounts of energy on everything “show related” and walk across stage in a glimmering bikini. Why? For the simple fact that I don’t think I’d be strong enough mentally to only have it for one day- and that’s all it is. One day. The body you obtain for figure competitions is not the “ideal of health” people seems to think it is…

The first thing I explain to competitors is how hard it is- for females especially- post competition. Everyone seems to focus on getting to that date but no one speaks about the after. The restraint of not binging on everything you’ve been denied, the mandatory fat gain, the slow decrease in volume. I’ve never wanted that.

But then…

I decided to participate in a showcase, simple right? I decided to lean out a bit. Then booked a photo shoot the week before figuring: “why not take advantage of being lean”? But then I decided to really lean out. I wanted to drop 2.5% body fat (which I’ve done) and go the whole nine yards to water load and deplete. Why? It’s something that, while I prescribe for all my competition clients, I have never experienced.

But here I am, three weeks out from my photo shoot, and I’m angry. Scratch that. I’m frustrated. Nope, not the one, I’m tired. Exhausted really. I’m so sick of this focus I’m mad at myself for trying.

Maybe I should back up a bit.

It’s currently Friday night. I am three weeks from my photo shoot and have spent the first part of the week water loading (roughly 22 cups per day for three days with 4 cups green tea) on a very restricted carbohydrate diet. The last two days, this has been reversed: my carbs go up and my water goes down… completely.

Tonight, as I am writing this, my husband and all my friends are at a party. Enjoying themselves, laughing, drinking, indulging. I’m home. Why? Because it’s easier. Why be around food I can’t have, fluid I can’t drink only to attempt to explain what I am doing to a room who won’t understand.

So here’s the truth.

No one really explains how challenging it can be to hit your goals. Especially those extreme ones.

No one explains that it’s easier to sit out of social gatherings because the temptation is sometimes to great (especially on the biggest night).

No one tells you how hard it is to come close to explaining why you are doing what you are doing and cannot have “just one cookie”. Keeping in mind that no one will understand which only aggravates you a bit more.

No one grasps that restriction- of any sort- leaves you cranky, whiny and truthfully not a lot of fun to be around.

Sure there are good days. Days I’m in a regular mood while still following my plan. But these seem to becoming fewer and further between.

And I still have three weeks to go.

I think that’s really what’s getting under my skin. I have to do this exact same thing all over again, down to the tee in two weeks. Is it worth it?