Conflicted

There are some things that just make you feel emotions not in series, but in a jumbled morass of … something. This e-mail I got this morning is one of them:

Attention

Greetings to you!

I am Lieutenant Colonel William Adams…a US MARINE in Iraq.As you may Know,there are several cases of insurgents attacks and suicide bombing going on here.However We managed to move funds belonging to some deceased persons who were attacked and killed through insurgent attacks.The total amount is US$25 Million dollars in cash.

We want to move this money to you so that you may keep our share for us until when we shall come over to meet You. We will take 70%, my partner and I while you take 30%.No strings attached.Just help us move it out of Iraq as Iraq we all know is a war zone.Note that We plan to use the British Diplomatic courier in shipping the money out in two large metallic Boxes,using diplomatic immunity.If you are interested I will send you the full details.

My job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can I trust you? When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication and also your contact details. This business is risk free. Get back to me immediately for more directives.

Respectfully,

Lieutenant Colonel William Adams

I mean, where do you start? There’s the normal loathing that comes with any spammer. Then there’s the amusement at the quasi-military wrongness that’s supposed to add veracity (“Attention”, “directives”, etc), and finally, the grudging admiration of a con artist being smart enough to know their audience’s weaknesses – and going straight for the juglar.

Still, the loathing prevails. Hopefully I don’t actually have to alert you to this.