Monday, October 31, 2011

Tales from the Drowsy Side: Words That We Couldn't Say

I was going to write about a lot of things - people, stupid people, idiots, dumb people - and then I realised that I don't really give a damn. I don't care about a lot of things.

Someone told me recently that a ridiculous amount of money was taken from Malaysia. The amount is so ridiculous, it is around twice the amount of US dollars currently in existence, in all forms.

Usually, I'd be intrigued by this, and do some research. Now, I just can't help but fall asleep.

Conspiracy theories bore me. Oprah Winfrey Show is gone. Lim Kit Siang and Lim Guan Eng are still, in my own personal opinion, racists who are not that smart.

These past few weeks, I have seen many examples of people who believe they are smart and highly-skilled who fail at basic bullshit. I was shocked. Well, not really.

You see, talentless hacks are insecure about themselves. This insecurity manifests as arrogance. I should know, for I am the master of arrogance. The Most Arrogant Man in Sports Entertainment!

And as a testament to my ego, I must say that I have the biggest ego in the universe. All your egos are humbled before mine as it's bigger than yours.

I hate populists. Populists are, in essence, approval-seekers who bow down to just any pressure. They worship popular opinion and are as easily manipulated as Play-Doh or that Malaysian equivalent Plasticine.

Back to my ego. My ego is so huge and enormous, it could crush you with its shadow.

And stop quoting Steve Jobs! You're not Steve Jobs. You don't look like Steve Jobs, you don't work like Steve Jobs, you don't think like Steve Jobs. Owning an iPhone does NOT make you Steve Jobs. It makes you Steve Jobs' bitch. It's fine to quote Steve Jobs during the first week after his death, not 200 years later. C'mon!

Quote The Woz or some shit.

"Open your books to chapter four." - The Woz.

Fuck Apple. Really. Apple sucks, and the battery life of the iPhone 4S is even more pathetic than the Bold Touch, which is quite pathetic.

You Apple Zealots can kiss my ass.

Apple makes the worst pieces of plastic garbage the world has ever seen. And slow computers.

@amirhimself

KNEEL BEFORE ZODD!

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Amir Hafizi is the sexiest man on Earth. His chest is as thick as any redwood trunk; from which hangs two great boughs of heavily muscled arms and one minor but strong branch of solid wood somewhere down there.