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Thursday, December 31, 2015

The best real-life advice I ever heard in a TV show came from, all of series, Twin Peaks. It was a weird, quirky show that I loved during the first season, but gave up on sometime during season two because it just got that much weirder and confusing. Time will tell whether the resurrection of David Lynch's surreal series will be a hit, but in the meantime I've never forgotten the following clip in which FBI agent Dale Cooper dispenses some invaluable advice to the town's sheriff, Harry Truman. Have a look, because this great...

Ah, that's self-love right there. Maybe it's also a little dorky (and Cooper could be very dorky on this show, but I loved the character, and Kyle MacLachlan back then.) In my opinion, this is a simple and perfect New Year's resolution that everyone can make and stick to...give yourself a present. Every day. ("Like Christmas" as Harry says.) And it doesn't have to be something you have to pay for (like a cup of coffee.) It can be taking time out for yourself to recharge. Maybe setting aside a half hour to listen to some favorite music, read a book, or watch entertaining videos. Maybe it's just taking a walk. Happy New Year! I hope 2016 is a happy, healthy, and prosperous one for you and attracts some wonderful things!

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Happy day after Christmas! I hope you enjoyed the holiday.
Do you remember the Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley as portrayed by Al Franken? He was a self-help guru that began most of his sketches by sitting in front of a mirror saying to himself, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
The part was played for laughs, but years later as I became aware of the law of attraction, I realized that Stuart Smalley was right on. Particularly when I learned about the power of "I am" affirmations.
I haven't talked yet about affirmations, but basically they're statements you can make about yourself or your life that can very often ring true the more you repeat and more importantly, believe them. It can be so hard to change negative affirmations you've been carrying around and repeating for years into positive ones, but it was one of the first LOA exercises that I started applying and found that it really does work, once you can believe and feel a positive affirmation. Most of the time, positive affirmations sound and feel like a big ol' lie, especially when your life has amassed a ton of evidence contrary to the affirmation. They require time and patience -- but personally, I believe that they do work and can eventually help you change your negative beliefs.
But if affirmations are a good thing, then placing "I am" into your affirmations is like putting them on steroids. More and more, I am hearing so many experts from business executives to dating coaches extol about the benefits of "I am" affirmations.
What makes them so powerful? I believe it's because when you say them you're tapping directly into the source, God, the universe, the force, or whatever you want to call it. In fact the late Dr. Wayne Dyer dedicated nearly an entire book to "I am" affirmations, Wishes Fulfilled. One chapter explored what he believed to be the source of the phrase, which is the Bible story of Moses encountering God in the burning bush ("And God said to Moses, 'I AM THAT I AM.'")
Plus, there's no faster way to put what you want into the present than to declare "I am." The other night I woke up in the middle of the night (despite the nightly meditation that usually helps me sleep until the alarm.) I started thinking to myself, "I am sleeping" as if it had already happened. A few minutes later, it did.
When I first learned about "I am" affirmations, some of the ones I decided to come up with for myself included:I am confident.I am attractive.I am happy. I am sexy.I am a money magnet.I am healthy.I am a great writer.I am a social media marketing guru.
I still say those, and these days I've also added:I am beautiful inside and out.I am worthy. I am a great catch for the right man.I am in demand for the right job.I am working in a fulfilling career.I am successful. I am enjoying a loving, fulfilling, loyal relationship with the right man for me.I am rich.I am abundant.
If you're besieged by negative thoughts and beliefs yourself, try writing down three positive affirmations that begin with "I am" and repeat them daily for a month. See if at least your opinion of yourself has changed or has begun to change to the positive statement after 30 days.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Yesterday I wrote about how I attracted a married man into my life earlier this year, how it messed me up for a bit, but then ultimately helped me uncover some limiting beliefs I've been holding onto for years, which is what I feel caused me to so easily attract an unavailable man (and unavailable men throughout the years) in the first place. Before I get into the nitty gritty of what I did to find out why this was something that kept happening, I do want to say that I did eventually recognize the positives of the situation first. Other than the fact that he was married and wasn't upfront with me about it, S had a lot of remarkable qualities that I hadn't quite attracted in a man up until then. He was passionate about his career, which was something he knew as a kid that he wanted to do. He was very sensitive, easy going, funny, and was a remarkable writer -- a total luxury after suffering through incoherent sentences from men on online dating sites. He was healthy and fit and had made the commitment to lose and keep off 20 pounds when he gained weight. He knew more about retro pop culture than I did, and he was three years younger than me. Even though that's not much of an age difference, I've always been more inclined towards older men and never thought in a million years that someone younger would be deeply attracted to me. I also realized after getting to know him that I would be open to dating a man with a child with autism. I found myself looking up articles to learn a bit more about the autism spectrum and the challenges that parents and families dealing with autism face. I'd love to date someone with a daughter his age. And as for his profession -- let's just say it's one that often gets a bad rap. I never thought someone in it would be the way he is. I do believe my "rendezvous" with S cracked my heart and mind open a bit more. I do think we served a purpose in each other's lives. He needed to know that someone outside of the marriage found him attractive and I needed to know that someone with his wonderful qualities found me attractive as well, and maybe it was proof that the universe can answer and find a match for me, even while being out of work and isolated at home during the week. I also believe, even though it initially caused his wife grief for which I regretted, that ultimately her discovering our online relationship eventually saved the marriage. (I can tell you that he felt horribly guilty for what it did to his wife and me, and I felt guilty for a while as well.)But of course, as much as I liked S, he wasn't available. And after the dust settled, I told myself never again in regards to someone that already has a girlfriend or is married. And I also decided that a separated man wasn't going to be good enough for me, either. A separated man is still a married man. I knew I wanted someone who is single or divorced. Someone who is in a good place in his life to begin a new relationship, without complications or an ex that is still holding on. No ex or soon-to-be ex living at home with him, either. He must be free, and available. From a law of attraction standpoint, I wanted to figure out what I was doing wrong. The first thing I did when I was able to do so without tearing up was rewrite the story of S and me in my head. What would it have felt like had he actually been divorced when he reached out to me? What would our relationship have most likely been like? I pictured ourselves walking down the street of his town, holding hands, and going out to eat. I envisioned road trips in his state -- a part of the country I'd never been to before -- and him visiting me where I'd introduce him to my favorite spots in New England. I imagined meeting his parents, brother, and children, and him getting to meet my family. While that probably helped me offer up some better "vibes" I knew it still wasn't my solution to what I had been doing wrong. For that I listened to a lot of Abraham Hicks videos about people in love with people that weren't available to them (one guy was in love with a woman that was not only married, but pregnant! He was convinced she was his soulmate. And he was married himself.) I read up on a lot of what law of attraction teachers had to say about the subject. Virtually all of them called it an almost manifestation, or a stepping stone on the way to your ideal match. They said that there was still something you're putting out to the universe that is coming back -- and it's up to you to uncover your limited belief. I thought about it. Was I really saying to the universe, "Please send me an unavailable man?" Of course not. Well, I was, but not exactly in that way. It eventually occurred to me that for a very long time I've held onto a belief that as long as I live at home and am unemployed that I'm not truly available and ready for a relationship. I think this belief started when I attended a party with a coworker over a decade ago and met this guy that felt some need to complain to us about a girl he went out with once that took him back to where she lived, which was her parents' house. It was a huge turnoff to him; the girl was in her late 20s and according to him, all women should be living on their own by a certain age. He didn't seem to take into account that the girl may have been saving her money to live in or buy a nice place, or maybe her parents needed her help. Even before he told me this story, it was easy to see that this guy was a real jerk; really full of himself and a total player. He was hitting on everyone at the party, and when he started hitting on me it was just a huge turnoff. But I sure got rid of him in a hurry when I told him that I lived at home! I saw my perfect opportunity to mention it and he went to bother someone else. However, his attitude made me self conscious for years, even though to this day he's the only guy I have ever met that vocally expressed that attitude. It even made me feel a little bit ashamed. The few times I tried online dating, I never mentioned my living situation and I always worried what men would think when I had to bring it up, especially as I got older and went through my 30s. I live at home because I've been saving my money for many years in order to buy a house of my own, and right now I'm also living at home because I'm unemployed. But the other reason I'm at home is because I support my mother, both financially and to ensure that she's safe. Even being out of work, I give her money each month to help pay for groceries, heating oil, and utilities. It's not like she's giving me money so that I don't have to work. So I was sending the universe a mixed message for quite a while as a result. I was saying I wanted a relationship but then messing it up with a big "BUT" statement. "I want a relationship, BUT I still live at home and I won't be truly ready and available for a man until I'm living in my own place and employed again." Actually, I didn't even have to say it -- I was feeling it inside myself, which is even worse! It was the underlying vibration that I was putting out there and I truly believe that's why the universe had no choice but to deliver someone to me who seemed so nice, but wasn't actually available himself.Something interesting to note -- I had told S at one point about my living situation and that I support my mother. It didn't faze him one bit, and it definitely wasn't a turnoff to him. For the past month or so I've been working on changing my old belief, and also owning my life and living situation. When I meet new people now and the topic comes up, I tell them right away that I live at home, without embarrassment. It's what it is at the moment -- I accept it but also know it won't always be this way; I know I'll find a new job and will be saving and attracting money for my own place. The other thing I've been working on is completely accepting myself and believing that I am worthy, no matter what. For the past few weeks before going to bed I've been listening to this mediation by a law of attraction/self help teacher I discovered, Lara Shlafer. She's awesome -- and so is her "I Am Worthy" meditation. I was never the type of person that was into meditation or really believed that a solid, steady meditation every day would do much good (I meditated when working to rid myself of psoriasis but that was mainly repeating affirmations to myself with my eyes closed.) However, Lara's meditation has really helped me feel a positive shift within myself and even reignited my drive to manifest a new job. It will also help you forgive yourself of any past mistakes/regrets and move on. I usually have the most pleasant dreams after listening to it. In order to attract a man that is wonderful, AND available, I have to believe that I am available -- and I can't let my living and employment situation stand in the way of that. I accept it, and myself, and know that the opinion of one person years ago doesn't mean the entire male population feels the same way. The other belief I've been working on changing is that old adage, "all the good ones are taken." I started to have this belief when I was in my 20s and later again in my 30s. Oddly enough, it was solidified by the coworker that took me to that party where I met that awful guy; she believed that past a certain age "everyone settles." When I first heard that, deep down I knew I didn't want to settle. That isn't true love and isn't fair to the other person in my opinion. But that belief stuck around -- and kept showing itself every time I attracted someone that was, indeed, already taken. But the truth is people do get divorced every day. People break up every day. Maybe not at your office or within your circle of friends, but it does happen. So now, I am so looking forward to heading into the new year with these new beliefs and feelings intact...still meditating and still solidifying my feelings of worthiness. I feel that with S, I got really, really close...and that the next relationship will be a success story.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Even though this blog is barely a few months old and only has a handful of readers, the time has come for me to talk about something personal that happened to me over the summer but more importantly, why I think my thoughts and belief system caused it to happen and knowing what I know now, how I'm changing them to attract someone better for me.
Back in June of this year, I attracted a married man into my life. I did not meet him in person, but I will admit I started to fall for him online and over the phone and he was falling for me, too. He wrote and said such sweet things that I've been waiting for years now for the right man to say to me...things like, "Pamela, I've never known anyone like you before," and "I haven't had this connection with a woman in years." My heart still melts a bit recalling this but fortunately, I no longer well up in tears thinking or talking about it. I am no longer angry or upset at the universe, at him, at myself, or at the way things eventually panned out. It ended nearly as quickly as it began because in the back of my mind I kept telling myself, but he's married. He's unavailable. And so, once the momentum behind those thoughts picked up and I found myself increasingly torn as the correspondence went on (as did he, I could tell) the vortex spun him out. It was for the best for him...and me.
In June of this year I was really happy. I'd secured a still on-going freelance writing project that I initially had been turned down for during the spring because the company had reached their quota of contract writers, but they suddenly had the need to take on another writer. I'd been listening to a lot of Abraham-Hicks videos on YouTube and was particularly intrigued by a clip that featured one young man who did an experiment for 30 days. He decided that he was going to get happy every day no matter what (there's that get happy tip, again!) and ask for what he wanted to enter his life. He asked casually for a new business venture with his best friend, to lose some weight, and meet the girl of his dreams. He accomplished all three.
Maybe that's why in mid to late May I pressed the easy button and told the universe in my head, "I want a boyfriend. And I want him to be German-American." I'd been making lists during the past few years of the qualities I wanted my soulmate to have but this time I just decided to press that easy button while I was feeling consistently good and happy, and let it go.
A month later, "S" sent me an email out of the blue. I knew who he was, but the message took me by surprise just the same. He followed my other blog, Go Retro, for three and a half years and was faithfully liking and/or commenting on just about everything I posted on the Facebook page for it. Occasionally he would post something on the sidebar which I would usually comment on and share with the other followers. This time he had shared a clip from a Paul McCartney concert he attended on Father's Day. After I left a comment on it and he commented back, he ended up emailing me the set list of songs played during the show, was a little flirty at the end, and asked me to let him know if I received the message, because he said he got an error message the first time he tried to send it.
The correspondence started from there. I honestly thought he was single or divorced. For starters, he said he went to see McCartney with a few friends -- and didn't mention a wife or girlfriend. He did an awful lot of reading in his spare time, naming books that he had read and was working on. He also works in an admirable, high pressure career that requires long shifts. And there was nothing public on his Facebook page that showed photos of a significant other or information about his personal life.
So you could imagine my shock...and disappointment...when I Googled him a few days into our emailing back and forth and one of the first things I saw was an article. An article about his wife starting a support/social group for parents of autistic kids and their children accompanied by a photo of S, his wife, his daughter, and son, who has autism. Before researching him online, I had told him he could friend me on Facebook (I wasn't able to send him a friend request) and when he never connected nor even mentioned the invite in his email back, I knew something was up.
I was upset. In retrospect I should have stopped the correspondence right then and told him it wasn't a good idea for us to be writing and flirting. But instead, I emailed a good friend of mine and told her what was going on, and included the link to the article. She pointed out that it was three years old...and that maybe the marriage wasn't doing so well. She told me to maybe keep things light and flirty, and see what happens.
I waited to see when S was going to reveal that he was married. It wasn't until the fourth of July weekend that I finally broached the subject (since he was not) and told him I knew that he was married and had kids. I said I honestly didn't expect anything to come of the correspondence other than the chance to make a new friend and that I didn't see why we would have to stop writing, especially if we were "just friends." He wrote back and instead of being angry, thanked me for an honest and thoughtful message and admitted that he wasn't sure how he was going to bring up that he was married, but that we seemed to have such a strong connection he really wanted to correspond as friends.
And why didn't I stop it then? Because I wasn't willing to put my foot down and tell the universe what I really wanted...someone 100% available. And because he seemed to be everything that I've been wanting in a man for a very long time; in many ways, he reminded me of me...we had so much in common and his entire mini bio that he emailed to me one night was practically the soulmate list I'd made years ago. Did I mention that his ethnic background was completely German-American? He was the first guy in years to appreciate not just my looks, but everything else about me including my writing skills and positive attitude. The mutual physical attraction was also very strong; even though we already knew what each other looked like, we exchanged a few more photos of ourselves (clothed.) He continued to flirt after we said we'd just be friends, as did I. Almost right away I started having strong sexual fantasies and one day in July felt compelled to share some of them with him, which was a mistake. He sent me a gift in the mail -- a burned copy of a Rolling Stones CD of rarities and bootlegs.
I also felt that we had this weird cosmic connection...call it radar love like the old '70s song, but I would get a hunch that he had written to me, and I'd check my email to delightfully see a message waiting for me.
He wanted to meet me (he lives out of state, but within a reasonably drivable distance.) I said no, not as long as you're married. That we both knew what would happen, and that I deserve more than that -- I told him I wanted an actual relationship with someone. I wanted to be in public with him, and go on road trips, and someone who could call or email me whenever he wanted to, because he was able to.
S told me on the phone that he was thinking long and hard about his life since turning 40 and about making some changes. But he was continually concerned about the effect a divorce would have on his kids, understandably. His parents separated for a while when he was the age his daughter is, and it was a bad time for him.
At one point I asked for the details about his marriage. I was told the usual story most married men that want an affair give -- that the spark died after the kids arrived, that she spends a lot of time with her support group and other extracurricular groups and activities as an excuse to put the marriage on the back burner, and that they hadn't had sex in a long time, maybe a year. A lot of his sexual cravings seemed to be about affection...being held and touched...which made me think he wasn't getting it from her.
All these months later, I still don't know what to believe. There's two sides to every story. But one night at the end of July, and three days after my mother had triple bypass surgery, S called me. I missed his call but had this eerie feeling that he wanted to talk to me. I was shocked when I checked my mobile to see that I missed him by five minutes. After feeding the cats that night, I called him back.
He was at work. He had told his wife that day that he wanted to see a counselor by himself (he claimed they had been to counseling twice in past together that didn't help the marriage.) She went into his laptop and found all of the emails between us. She initially went ballistic but then had called him up sobbing and saying that she wanted to work on the marriage.
She had access to his Facebook page and unliked the blog's Facebook page, and blocked me from viewing his profile. Over the next few weeks someone (either her or S) unliked and deleted every comment S ever left on the Go Retro Facebook page.
For some reason, that hurt me more than S telling me that night that he couldn't email or contact me ever again.
Even though getting so deep into this situation was partly my fault, I was devastated. I didn't sleep at all that night and went to visit my mother in the hospital the next day. (She later recalled, after I told her the story, that she thought I looked awful.)
My self esteem was shattered. I was also angry -- partly at myself, and partly at him for being a married man and reaching out and flirting with me in the first place. But mostly I was angry at the universe. I wanted to shake my fist at it and give it the finger. How...why...did it deliver me a married man? Why did I attract someone that had everything that I wanted except for that one deal breaker? And the fact that it had happened so quickly, easily, and effortlessly but yet was something I couldn't have really didn't make sense to me.
And this wasn't the first time I had attracted an unavailable man. Actually, when I started to sort my feelings out and go back over my history, pretty much every guy in my life that I have ever found that elusive mutual attraction/chemistry with wasn't single! It was interesting for me to note that in the beginning, it was guys that had girlfriends that they actually were happy with and that evolved into guys telling me they weren't happy with their girlfriends to this latest one, which may or may not have been on the brink of contemplating a divorce.
It took a few months of me doing research into "almost manifestations" and figuring out what went wrong here. Everything I found in my research said that an almost manifestation is a sign that you're close, but you still have a limiting belief or something you're putting into the universe that is attracting back what you're vibrating.
Well, it took a lot of soul searching and learning to love and respect myself again, but I DO believe I found out what I have been doing wrong that has been attracting unavailable men into my life for so long. I'll discuss this in part 2 of this post soon.
As for S, he continued to read my other blog from work once a week but it's now been a while since he's visited, and that's fine. My happiness is not contingent upon the behavior of another person. I do, however, sincerely hope that he has improved his relationship with his wife and is happy. Perhaps what happened was necessary for things to work out for him.
I also reached a point where I was finally able to let him go completely and wished him well in my heart (I wished him well on our last phone conversation even though I was crying and later that night in an email.) I told him if anything happens in the future (even though I'm doubtful that it will) that my door is always open, provided I'm single at that time. Whatever will be, will be, and what happened was for the best for everyone involved. I know now what I deserve and know that I deserve to attract the right guy that is completely, 100% available and single/divorced for me.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

The other day I wrote about how and why we attract some things so easily with this law of attraction thing, and that it's like hitting the Staples easy button. I had another one of these "easy button" manifestations/moments just this morning, and this time it had to do with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, of all things. Until today I knew very little about the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (TSO) other than the fact that you hear their name pop up quite a bit during this time of the year. I'm only familiar with their signature "Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)" instrumental medley that you often hear getting used in TV commercials, but didn't know until this morning that they were actually the band that composed the song. It was a day or two ago when, for some unknown reason, TSO's name popped into my head. "Who exactly are they, and what is the story behind that band anyway?" I asked myself. Call me clueless, but I assumed they literally were from Siberia, given the name. I honestly didn't give it a second thought after that. Yes, I could have Googled the TSO and found out everything I wanted to know about them. But other things soon became more important, and I didn't need to know, at least not right that minute. And then I completely forgot about them.This morning after washing my hair I turned on CBS Sunday Morning just as a commercial break was airing. And then...the very next segment that started up was about...the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. It was all about the history of the band, why they're associated with Christmas, and basically everything that one would need to know about them within 10-15 minutes. I didn't even make the connection until I was almost done combing out my wet hair. Needless to say, it was a whoa moment. This was crazy. Now, was this a deeply held desire of mine to learn more about the TSO? No. Did I really need to know everything about them? No. Was learning about them going to be a life changing experience? Of course not.And yet, I'm amazed with the speed and precision the universe delivered the answers to my fleeting questions to me...and it happened just as I was turning on the television set. Truly, everything we're contemplating gets mirrored back to us. I'm still working on manifesting that job, partner, money, and other goodies as easily as a news story on the Trans-Siberian Orchestra!

Friday, December 18, 2015

Something that us LOA devotees start to realize about the law of attraction after a while is that "smaller" things that we desire tend to manifest really quickly -- sometimes within a matter of minutes or hours. I have at times felt like a magician declaring "abracadabra!" In particular it happens to me all of the time with songs. I'll play a snippet of my song in my head...usually one I haven't heard on the radio in a long time...and think to myself, "It would be nice if I heard that song." I won't even give it a second thought after that. Usually within the next day or two when I'm driving that very song will come on the radio when I'm not expecting it. At the very least, I'll see the song mentioned in a book or online. It's happened way too many times by now for me to think it's just a coincidence. I like to think of it as the secret behind "The Secret." And the big secret is that there really isn't a lot of work involved with practicing the law of attraction. Yes, I am still saying my abundance prayer every day, thinking and feeling positive affirmations, and listening to a wonderful meditation before going to bed every night. But once I started to notice a correlation between doing (or not doing) certain things I realized there's a big ol' easy button (remember the Staples commercial?) for us to push and that's all it takes. There's a few reasons why I think it happens and why I think that it's entirely possible to make "bigger", more life altering manifestations show up by applying the same techniques. And as a matter of fact, when I look back on the things I manifested that I consider not so small and trivial, such as my freelance social media/marketing job or that extra $1,000, the principles were the same. After reading what so many teachers have said of this phenomenon and from what I've experienced myself, here is what I think makes some desires manifest easily, no matter what their size or life altering impact. 1. I Chill Out and Don't Dwell On The Desire Once I've Asked For ItI have found that things come to you when you're least expecting them. And by least expecting them, I don't mean when you're feeling negative and dwelling on them missing. It's when you're happy and sort of minding your own business and going about your day and just simply not thinking about it at is when it tends to surprise you. And who doesn't love a surprise?Once I ask, I don't keep asking. What I will do on occasion is reaffirm that everything is always working out and that it's on its way. I keep up with the affirmations and meditation because they keep my vibration very "up" and positive and I know that's going to open the doors to my desire. This is where point number two comes in...2. I've Learned to Be Happy First Before the Desire Shows UpAs mentioned on here already, happiness is an inside job. We may think that a job, partner, money, etc. will make us happy -- and most likely they will -- but because the law of attraction will only bring you more of which you are feeling and putting out there to the universe, then you need to learn to be happy first in order to attract other stuff that is going to make you happy. I didn't make my happiness dependent upon the social media job or $1,000 showing up; I just decided to be consistently happy with what I currently had going on day to day instead of thinking that they were missing. Which brings me to the third point...3. I Have Unwavering Belief That It's ComingI never know when something or someone is coming, or how. But I have learned to completely trust the universe to bring that desire to me the best way it knows how. This is also called by some teachers as having no resistance. When you're not second guessing or having self defeating beliefs about something you want to show up in your life you don't have any resistance to the universe bringing it to you and it tends to arrive really fast. It also means not taking action for action's sake because that's the only way you can see something coming to you. You can't ask for money and then start saying, "Well, how will that money come? Do I have to buy a lottery ticket?"Trust the universe. If you get a strong hunch to buy a lottery ticket, you'll know! Your only work is to trust and let it come. 4. There's No Real Difference Between Something "Small" Vs. Something "Big"It only seems that way because "small" things aren't life altering. It's nice to manifest a great parking spot or a free cup of coffee. And if you don't manifest that it's not the end of the world. But something like a job, a home, or a partner sure seems like a mighty big deal...but again, if you can put your frame of mind into being happy before what you want showing up and not think of the desire as such a big deal, it'll usually have an easier time arriving. For even more on how to manifest "big" stuff as easily as the smaller stuff and our mindset behind this, Melody Fletcher at Deliberate Receiving (a favorite site and LOA teacher of mine) wrote a great post last month on this topic. Her advice--and mine--is to practice on the smaller things first and let your belief build up from there. Don't forget to push that easy button!

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Two weeks from now it'll be the year 2016, and a lot of people will be making New Year's resolutions. There seems to be two reasons why people wait until a new year before making a resolution. For starters, once the holidays are over there's no delays standing in our way like shopping, wrapping presents, and attending parties and services. Second, a lot of people seem to feel different once a new year has started -- like they have a clean slate giving them extra oomph to stick to their resolution. In reality, January 1 is no different than any other day on the calendar; it just feels that way because a digit has changed. If there is a resolution you have in mind for 2016, why not start it now? Or maybe there's a change you can start making now that doesn't require a lot of earth-shattering effort. I started one of mine the other day. It is to get washed up and dressed right away in the morning. Wait, doesn't everyone do that? Well, since being unemployed I had fallen into a really bad rut this year of not getting groomed and dressed until 10 AM most mornings, and sometimes later than that during the summer. I open my laptop after breakfast and am perfectly content to sit on my bed in my PJs and robe and do freelance work and check email for the next two hours. It had become a really bad habit. I admit it -- I had turned into a lazy ass. By the time it had finally occurred to me to get up and get ready (as in realizing lunch wasn't that far away), I felt like my energy for the day had already taken a dive. Not only that, but I realized that this habit wasn't helping me get into the "I'm working in a new job" mode/vibration. If I'm going to be acting as if the new job is already here, I need to be acting as if I have a new job now, and that means getting ready on time. I've also been going to bed earlier to avoid falling back to asleep after the alarm goes off and by next month, want to be waking up at the time I was when I was working, which was 6:30 AM (right now I get up at 7 AM, so you can cut me some slack.)It sounds like a trivial resolution, but an important one to contribute to my mindset towards new employment (one of my other resolutions is, obviously, to get a great new job!) I also want to get more passionate about life again. Although I've been happy lately, my mojo is still kind of lacking -- part of it is due to being at home so much during the week. For starters I plan on getting more events posted with my meetup group as well as participating in ones I've belonged to for a while, but haven't done much with. If there's a new year's resolution you could begin now, why not get a jump on everyone else and start it now? You also may find you're less inclined to drop it once we're a week or two into 2016.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I don't remember how I first heard about Pam Grout, but once I discovered her site and got acquainted with her friendly, down to earth written voice, I knew I would have to get her book. E-Squared has a mouthful of a sub-title for a book that's a fairly quick read, but it pretty much sums up the subject matter. If you're new to the law of attraction and want to see for yourself how it can begin working immediately or you have lost your faith in it, then this is the book for you. In fact it makes a good companion read to The Secret since it fills in one area that book was lacking in, namely step-by-step techniques on how to actually attract something into your life. This is a really fun book, and you don't have to perform all of the experiments, or in the order Grout lists them. You can pick and choose as you please, although I do recommend reading the whole book from start to finish to absorb all of the teachings. I didn't perform all nine experiments in the book, but I can tell you that I tried most of them, and there was only one that didn't work for me -- although I'm willing to try it again for a longer period of time to see if it delivers results. Like most LOA authors, Pam Grout talks a bit about her life, how she discovered the law of attraction, and how her life was affected by it. She gives examples about how it worked for her, and other people, and the techniques that they used.

Probably the best part of E-Squared is The Dude Abides chapter/experiment #1. She discusses the ways in which most people grow up thinking about God, or a higher power, and the myths that they've been led to believe, usually as children. Namely, that God is out to punish people and is like a scary parent that keeps you on the straight and narrow if you don't attend church and pray. Grout explains a bit about why we need to toss these outdated beliefs out the window, and what she thinks God's role in our society is instead (and thankfully, it's not to make people's lives miserable.)I'll run through a few of the experiments that I tried and the results that I got:Experiment #1 - The Dude AbidesGrout instructs you to ask the Universe...aka God...for a gift with the intention that it will show up within 48 hours. Both my mother and I tried this experiment. She came home from the supermarket with two cuts of meat (one of them filet mignon) that she did not pick or end up paying for...she believes it was left over from the previous shopper and got tossed into her groceries by the bagger. I got a gift in the mail from the company I do freelance marketing for; one of the flasks that they make. (I'll never use it...but nonetheless it was an unexpected gift.)Experiment #2 - The Volkswagen JettaIn this experiment you are to think of a car color or model that you wish to see when driving. This one freaked me out a little -- I was leaving work that day when I decided I wanted to see orange vehicles, because it is a rather uncommon color. I saw the first one less than five minutes later -- a male coworker's brand new Dodge Challenger in a screaming orange color sitting there in the parking lot, not far from my car. He had picked it up a day or two earlier but this was the first time I saw it. And on the way home, I saw about 3-4 other orange vehicles, all when I was least expecting them. Experiment #3 - The Alby EinsteinFor this one, you unravel two wire hangers, shape them into Ls, and loosely hold them like guiding rods so that they can swing back and forth in your hand. Whatever you focus on in the room you're standing in is where they'll point to -- proof that our bodies are full of energy.This one freaked me out, too. I honestly did not expect it to work -- but amazingly, whatever I focused my gaze on in my bedroom is where the "rods" swung to and stayed on. Kind of creepy, but cool, too. Experiment #7 - The Jenny CraigThis was how I first found out that water is affected by the energy we give out. Jumping off of that principle, Grout instructs you to give thanks for the food and water that you drink, affirm that the water has cleansing properties, and in a couple of days (without exercising or changing your diet) you're supposed to experience a weight loss by a pound or two. This was the one that didn't work for me (I stayed at the same weight) -- but on the other hand, I'm already at a healthy weight so it wasn't that much of a letdown. I will, however, give it a try again at some point. The only caveat to this book is that the experiments are used to attract "small" things, not necessarily "big", life changing goodies like a new job or romantic partner. However, Grout stresses that the principles to attracting the "bigger" things are the same -- it's just that we tend to make up excuses or our lifelong beliefs ("the economy is in the crapper; there's no good jobs out there" or "all of the good ones are taken") start kicking in and sabotage us. The one thing about Grout's teachings that I didn't like was the idea of attaching deadlines to so many of her experiments. I have found that there is such a thing as divine timing, and that all of the commanding in the world to make something show up won't work if you don't truly believe that it can happen for you. But the downsides of this read are minor. Last year Grout published a sequel to this book, called E-Cubed. It contains nine more experiments that prove the law of attraction. I haven't read it yet, but based on what I enjoyed about E-Squared I definitely plan on reading it soon. When I do, I'll report back here on what I manifested!

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Like many people that have tried online dating, I've had my share of disappointments and first date horror stories. I've been approached online by creepy guys, weird guys, married guys, guys who couldn't write a coherent sentence to save their life, a blind guy seeking a chauffeur, polyamorous couples looking to add a third wheel to their relationship, etc. I went out with a guy once that stuttered (something not disclosed in his profile) that got worse as the date went on -- as did his affinity for looking at other women. I went out with another one that was late showing up for the date and then proceeded to talk about himself for three hours straight, only asking one question of me the entire night. I could go on and on.But that's all in the past. Although I'm not feeling the nudge from the universe to try online dating again -- at least not right now -- I have found that browsing Match.com (you can search for and view profiles for free) is helping affirm for me that guys with qualities that I like exist. If you're a single person that has lost faith or you don't have a clear picture of exactly what it is that you're looking for, looking at profiles online can be a really helpful exercise. It's actually a tip I learned about a couple of months ago from a dating coach's site that I stumbled upon. She instructs her clients to browse dating sites for a few weeks, and just mentally pick out qualities they like in the profiles they see. According to her, very often after a 30 day period or so, her clients will meet someone to date that has a lot of the qualities they're seeking and many of them end up meeting that person offline. It's because they've been attracting and carrying around in their sub-conscious the very qualities in a partner that they like, by feeling the emotion that each quality gives to them.And you don't have to contact anyone while doing this exercise if you don't want to. You just have to browse for the fun of it. Just this morning I emailed a friend and said, "I still haven't given up hope of meeting somebody completely available and over any previous relationships but who is also normal, attractive, and a good match...but man, sometimes it's hard."The universe clearly heard me and decided to give me a sign, because today I signed into Match.com and did a quick search. One attractive guy on the first page of search results caught my eye, I clicked on it, and I liked a lot of things about his profile.He was divorced and the father of a little girl that he shared custody with. His profile was concise but really revealed a lot about the kind of guy he is and furthermore, it was very well-written with no typos or grammatical mistakes! He also said he definitely wanted an actual relationship; that he was not posting a profile for one-night stands or casual dating. His description also stated that he wanted to meet a woman that was in shape and liked to exercise, like him. I nodded to myself and was thinking, "me likey." I affirmed that I really like all of these qualities in a potential partner. I'm still not quite ready to put myself online again yet, but this confirmed for me that there are available, attractive, normal men out there that actually want a real relationship, and are not using online sites to look for sex. I read that during this exercise, if you do come across profiles that you really don't like to not make a big deal out of it and just click off of them and look for one that does resonate. It may be interesting to try the exercise for 30 days as suggested and see what happens. Although I believe -- as I've previously said -- that it's up to the universe to deliver your desire to you in the best way, I'll be open to trying online dating if it feels right and like "inspired action" to me. In the meantime, just seeing men online that look nice and have qualities that I want is definitely helping to boost my confidence and belief in the relationship area.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

So, I was at my dentist a couple of weeks ago for my regular six month cleaning and check-up when I heard two things that no one wants to hear."Number 31 has a crack in it." And..."Let's do fillings on numbers 28 and 29."Now, I didn't have any decay -- I take scrupulous care of my teeth and I'm not much of a sugar fan. But I had two small spots of enamel erosion on the front of two teeth -- indents, not so much holes -- that had been there since I was a teenager, maybe younger. I probably got them after eating citrus fruits. The dentist said one of them got bigger so he wanted to fill them. The cracked tooth, however, had me worried. I was asked if I grind my teeth at night -- I'm 99.9% sure that I don't. I'm the most stress free person that I know. The dentist said the top tooth was most likely striking the one on the bottom and caused a crack next to the filling. I think more than likely it was my fondness for popcorn, nuts, or pomegranate seeds that was the culprit. At any rate, it just needed a new filling to fix it -- not a crown, inlay, or any of that major restorative stuff (this is why it's a good idea to see the dentist every six months, to catch those minor problems before they become bigger ones.)Anyways, I have a great dentist -- I've been going to his practice since I was 20 years old. But I didn't want him to do the work on my teeth. I wanted his son to do it. His son joined the practice a couple of years ago after graduating from dental school and additional specialized training. He's a peach. Dad is...well, let's just say dad doesn't have the most sparkling of personalities. Nor does he have much bedside manner; it's all business. If your jaw starts shaking (like mine will do when getting a filling) he just ignores it or asks if you can try to make it stop (ha...good luck with that.) But his son will put a block in your mouth to bite down on if that starts happening to you, as I found out when he replaced an old filling I had over the summer. He really goes the extra mile in making sure you're comfortable. He also inherited his mother's personality (she runs the front desk.) In fact when he joined the practice I remember getting the letter announcement in the mail saying that patients were raving about him and the fact he took after his mom. The day I had my check-up the son wasn't around, so the father checked my mouth. That meant the front office also booked me with him to have the work done. Needless to say I was kind of dreading it. But, in a law of attraction based world, anything could happen. I really wanted to make the son my regular dentist from here on out. And...I thought to myself, "It would be nice if I found out Matt was going to work on my teeth."When they sent me the confirmation email for the appointment, I wrote them, confirmed it...and then asked (without giving an explanation) if Matt could be my dentist going forward for check-ups and work. As an afterthought (because I did feel guilty) I added, "No offense to Kevin..." (Ouch.)When I didn't get a response that day, I did indeed feel very guilty, and worried that I offended them. Or I figured, Matt probably has so many patients now that request him that they don't want to take another one away from the father. I actually woke up in the middle of the night and then found myself worrying about it. But I started to repeat over and over myself in my head a little phrase that has been serving me well: "Everything is always working out for me." And although it took a little awhile, I forgot about it and fell back to sleep. Towards the end of the next day, I got an unexpected response from the dentist's office, from the mom/wife: "Of course! And Matt just got a cancellation, so I am putting you with him!"

I was floored. Relieved. And happy. Well, about as happy as someone anticipating dental work could be.

I had my appointment today. For some reason I was nervous, but Matt and his assistant put me totally at ease, as they did before. I was lying in the dental chair for two hours (the molar that had the crack needed the new filling adjusted.) It may be a small manifestation to some people, but it's a successful one to be sure. And maybe this is a really corny way to end this post, but it made me smile.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

True story: a woman wanted in the worst way to become pregnant and become a mom. She attended several Abraham-Hicks conferences stating her wish over and over again. Over and over again, she was told to take her attention away from no baby being present to relaxing, being happy, and having fun. The years started to tick by, and with each passing year there was no baby. The despondent woman and her husband started to put in some hard work towards making it happen -- fertility treatments, etc. Still, she could not get pregnant. She actually started to become a bit well-known to other attendees by her repeated appearances and struggles to have a baby. After yet another year came and went, she decided to give up on the notion of getting pregnant for now. She decided that she was, finally, simply going to have fun. Among other activities that year she took her niece trick and treating that Halloween because it brought her joy, and if she didn't have a child of her own to experience it with, she was going to savor it with another child, just because it made her feel good. The next time she attended an Abraham-Hicks conference and made it onto the stage, you can guess what happened. She tearfully announced to the audience that she was a few months pregnant. (I get tears in my eyes just remembering hearing the video clip for the first time and unfortunately, was unable to locate it on YouTube to post it here. If I do find it eventually I'll update this post.) Now, it could be that when she finally wasn't stressing about her inability to get pregnant that her body become more fertile. But I think there was more to it than that. There's a few lessons in her story in regards to the law of attraction that makes it a great reminder of how to get what you want. 1. First, she stopped trying to make it happen. We live in a very action-oriented society; if there's something you want you're supposed to wrestle that monster to the ground. If you want a job, you should be looking at every job site and registering with every headhunter in your vicinity and if you want a partner, you should have a profile up on every dating site and you should be attending every singles event (even if they and the potential partners that attend suck.) But thankfully, the universe knows many different ways of delivering your desire and that perfect job may not be even listed anywhere yet, and you could find out about it through someone you know. The right partner may be in your local supermarket or pumping gas the same time as you, not necessarily on your dating site. Action for action's sake often just leads to more frustration. (Inspired action is a different story and the one we want to take, which I'll cover in a future post.) Instead, this woman dropped the fertility treatments and stopped trying to make the pregnancy happen. She left it up to the universe to make it happen when the timing was right.2. Second, she stopped worrying about how she was going to make it happen (i.e. those fertility treatments again.) Sort of in line with number one, I have found that releasing the notion of limiting the ways something can happen and leaving it up to the universe to bring it to you is such a relief. It isn't your job to make something happen and worry about how it's going to happen; it's your job to ask for it and let the universe do the heavy lifting for you.3. Really important: she stopped focusing on the fact that she had no baby. She stopped marinating in what was missing and instead decided that she was going to have fun and feel good. Even without the baby. I find her story very inspirational and really hope I can locate the video clip online to include it here. Have fun, enjoy life, and let desires be delivered via the universe's magic. That's really all we need to do.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Today is the 35th anniversary of John Lennon's death. I had planned on posting about something else here today until I was looking up an image of Lennon to post on my other blog's Facebook page when I came across the above quote attributed to him: "Happiness is inside you, not with another person."Something interesting to note before I get into the nitty gritty of this post is that both Lennon and his wife, Yoko Ono, were big believers in using the power of your mind to change the world. It would make for a great post another time. I don't know if either one of them used the phrase "law of attraction" but both believed that if enough people on the planet focused on peace, then it would have come to fruition. The song "Mind Games" is all about this potential scenario. (On a side note, I believe it's been said that if all children were taught to meditate and focus on peace, then all war would end within a few generations. But again, a good topic for another time.)Back to Lennon's happiness quote -- he was absolutely right, as I've read the same thing over and over again in many law of attraction books and have heard it in videos. I've also heard dating coaches say it. And yet, it's one of the hardest things (I have found) to learn and put into practice on a consistent, daily basis.Why? Because so much of what we've been trained to think of in order to obtain happiness is conditional. A lot of people (and I used to be one of them) have a case of the "I'll be happy whens"...i.e. "I'll be happy when I get some money", "I'll be happy when I find a job", "I'll be happy when I find a new place to live", "I'll be happy when I get a boyfriend/girlfriend", etc. All of the teachings I've learned about stress the importance of being happy now, before the desire shows up. In fact, many advocate that you won't attract what you want until you are able to be happy first without having it. Ugh. The childhood phrase, "Do I have to?" comes to mind. It's so hard sometimes for me to put it into practice. But so true. The thing is, everything that can come into our life that we believe will make us happy can also leave our life at the snap of the fingers. We can lose our job, a lover can break up with us, or death can take a loved one away from us. The ability to maintain inner happiness no matter what is going on in our life is one of the toughest things to master. I also totally get it from the relationship perspective. In order to attract a partner that is happy and well adjusted, you need to be happy and well adjusted yourself. You wouldn't want to date someone who's miserable, would you? And you can't be feeling desperate to be with a partner. The same goes for attracting friendships, too. I ended up years ago becoming friends with a woman who was very unhappy with her life, dwelling on her past and everything that was wrong, and the more I hung out with her and our other friends, the more miserable she seemed to get. She would also disagree with me on the most minor topics and was getting increasingly argumentative -- it finally reached a point where I had had enough and cut my ties with her. I absolutely couldn't deal with the negative vibes that she was putting out there. Plus, it's important to remember that wealth does not guarantee automatic happiness. A few weeks ago I watched the Barbara Walters interview with Donald Trump on ABC (because I was curious) and he revealed something very interesting. He said a majority of his friends -- very wealthy people like him -- were vastly unhappy. He said he knew a lot of rich people that are really unhappy in their marriages, and have children that are abusing drugs and have all sorts of problems. I have also read about people that won a windfall in the lottery only to end up as unhappy and unfulfilled as they were before the win, and losing most of it. So how can we get happy first before what we desire to attract shows up? I have found that the quickest and easiest way is to focus on what I do have in my life, and not pay attention to what seems to be "missing." I may not currently have a full-time job and partner, but I do have my health, a healthy weight, a roof over my head, my family, friends, and a few streams of freelance income. I'm creative and I have my love of writing, and have been learning a lot of skills that I can include on my resume. I also try to find the positive in situations that others might see as negative. For example, while I was a little shell shocked when I lost my job, eventually I felt relief at knowing I would no longer have to do some tasks that I didn't find fulfilling while I was there. There also was little opportunity for advancement, and being out of work has, among other things, allowed me more time to write, which I love to do, and make out a list of what I loved and loathed about my last position to help me create in my mind what the next job should look like and what I will love about it. Just being grateful for what's there, and what we currently have control over, can make all the difference. Listening to some favorite music -- particularly by the Beatles and John Lennon -- helps, too.

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About Me

Thanks for visiting this blog

Hi, I'm Pam and thanks for visiting this site! I launched it because I'm a big believer in thinking positively and have been studying the law of attraction for several years now. Like anything else, it's a journey and a learning process and I wanted to share my experiences with other like-minded individuals. My hope is these teachings and what I learn can help make a difference to others' lives.