Before the UFC 154 main card fireworks kick off on pay-per-view, FX is presenting four bouts of preliminary action from Montreal’s Bell Centre, including a battle between fellow Canadian strikers Sam Stout and John Makdessi, and Patrick Cote‘s Octagon return against Alessio Sakara. Your good friend Anthony Gannon will be piling round-by-round results after the jump, starting at 8 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

Sup, y’all. It’s time to get this shit poppin’ up in here. I’m your host/liveblogger for these here undercard fights this evening, and if there’s a sudden absence of posting allow me to apologize in advance. It’s because the Sam Adams and awful wings I just consumed are instigating a rebellion that needs to be squashed, Longshanks style.

But I’m not going to allow this to get me down. We got some fights to watch, and I intend to have some fun this weekend as I may very well be walking into a human resources nightmare/firing Monday morning.

I have a semi-private bathroom at work. Technically, it’s “public.” But it’s a lovely little john, one throne, directly behind my work station. So naturally I consider it mine, and look upon anyone who dares enter it as a threat to my security. Occasionally, some selfish interloper will be in there when I have to handle my handle, and I’m forced to set them straight. I’ve taken to memorizing all of my co-worker’s shoes so I know who the intruder is and can take the appropriate course of action. The other day, a Vietnamese fellow I know pretty well was in there. I decided it would be fun to get all Platoon on his ass. “La Dai! La Dai! Get the fuck out of the shitter,” I shouted as I burst into the room. I heard him jump, and then he started yelling, loud. Like he was really pissed. We’re pretty cool, he’s one of the very few fellow MMA fans I work with, so I figured it was all good to get a little derogatory.

Well, what I didn’t know, but do now, is that he came to this country as a young child, adopted by an American family, after being displaced in the war. Apparently, that little bit of trauma took the humor out of it for him. I still think it was funny as shit, and I apologized whole-heartedly, but you know how PC all this shit is. Hopefully if he rats me out I’ll just get some sensitivity training or something.

But whatever, I won’t let it spoil my weekend because right now I’m watching fights on Facebook while simultaneously playing the Kevin Bacon game in my head, and I gotta tell ya, it just doesn’t get any better than this. Patrick Cote to Randy Couture in The Ultimate Fighter 4, Randy to Sylvester Stallone in The Expendables, Stallone to Robert De Niro in Cop land, and De Niro to Kevin Bacon in Sleepers. How do you like them apples, bitches? It always comes down to either Sleepers or A Few Good Men, doesn’t it.Sure, I had to mix a television show into a movie themed game, but shit man, it’s the undercards. Gotta give a fellow a little latitude. Eh, fuck that game anyway. It ceased being fun with Sleepers. I mean shit, a movie with Kevin Bacon, Brad Pitt, and De Niro? It’s almost as if the casting director assembled the actors with the sole intention of destructing the greatest parlor game since Charades.

Anyway, forget all this babbling nonsense, its fight time. And while this may not be the best undercard ever assembled, it aint half bad. We have a main show of Patrick Cote vs Alessio Sakara, Chad Griggs is taking his pimp-ass mutton chops down to 205 to face Cyrille Diabate, and if you ever watched Oz you know damn well Cyrille is no one to trifle with. Also, we have Antonio Carvahlo vs Rodrigo Damm in a desperate struggle for relevance, and Sam Stout vs John Makdessi in a pretty decent stand up affair.

First, let’s get the Facebook results out of the way:

Darren Elkins busts Steven Siler up for a unanimous decision W.

Ivan Menjivar defeats Azamat Gashimov by first round armbar.

Matt Riddle defeats John McGuire by unanimous decision.

First up is Rodrigo Damm vs Antonio Carvahlo

Round 1: They touch gloves and it is on, yo. Carvahlo is in stalk mode. Damm attacks with a right, answered with a leg kick by Carvahlo. Damm with a left hook, blocked. They trade leg kicks. Carvahlo misses a high kick. Damm lands a powerful low kick, and answered by Carvahlo. Lots of leg kicks, and Rogan has a hard-on. Damn throws one, checked. Damm misses a straight right, while Carvahlo misses a low kick. Damm sticks a jab. Carvahlo with another low kick, and Damm’s leg is looking jacked up. Front kick by Carvahlo, Damm answers with a stiff jab. Carvahlo ends with another leg kick. Close round, 10-9 for Carvahlo.

Anderson Silva is icing down Damm’s leg, and it looks like chopmeat.

Round 2: Carvahlo attacks the leg, misses. Then hits it. And again. Damm sticks a nice front kick to the body. Carvahlo goes high, blocked. Man, Carvahlo lands to the leg again. Then to the inside. Damm with another front kick. Carvahlo misses a high kick and falls down. Damm jumps on him, but they scramble and now they’re back up. Damm misses a kick. So does Carvahlo. Damm charges forward, lands a decent left. Carvahlo is bleeding from the shnoz. Damm lands a shot, Carvahlo with another leg kick. Damm responds, then sticks a nice jab, fallowed by a front kick. Damm’s leg is getting busted up, but he’s getting the better of the punching exchanges. 10-9 Damm.

Round 3: Brittany is SO fine. Carvahlo with a head kick, misses. Goes low, lands inside, misses outside. Damm with a front kick, not much on it. The natives are getting restless. Carvahlo lands to the leg again. Damm answers. Damm with a stiff jab, knocks Carvahlo’s mouthpiece out. The camera zooms in on Damm’s leg, and it is fuuucked up. Damm charges forward, lands a good one. They trade hard leg kicks. Damm with another stiff shot to the mug. Good head movement by Carvahlo, avoids Damm’s combination. Carvahlo with a left. Inside leg kick by Carvahlo. Carvahlo misses a hige overhand right, and a high kick. Damm connects with a right. Carvahlo with a straight right, misses a flying knee. Good fight, gotta give that last round to Carvahlo.

The decision is in and it’s split, 29-28 x 2 for Carvahlo, 29-28 for Damm.

Sam Stout and John Makdessi are next, and Makdessi is on a two fight losing skid. He needs this one. Stout is coming off a fairly meaningless decision win over Spencer Fisher. You never know which Stout is going to show up. If the sluggish Stout shows, Makdessi has a good shot here. If Stout is on point, he has a habit of winning FOTN checks.

Round 1: Stout rocking a very stylish hairdo, looking suave. Here we go. Stout with a left jab. Makdessi avoids a few shots. He goes to the body. Stout with a nice hook, Makdessi answers with a stiff jab. Stout misses, Makdessi counters nicely. Stout to the body. Makdessi with another nice jab. Oh nice, Makdessi lands a side kick, and Stout whiffs a left hook. Makdessi with anothe rjab, Stout answers with a good straight right. Stout with a leg kick, finishes to the body. Stout with another leg kick, Makdessi goes to the grill, and again. Stout with an uppercut, skims. Makdessi with another nice jab. Stout shoots in, stuffed. They trade jabs, Makdessi’s lands better. Stout goes hard to the body, lands a jab, misses a right. Makdessi lands a jab that whacks Stout’s head back. Stout misses a combo. Damn, another nice jab, Stout answers with a hard low kick. Tough round to score, I’ll go with Makdessi 10-9.

Round 2: Stout with a low kick, Makdessi with a head kick, not much on it. Another nice jab by Makdessi. Stout attacking, but Makdessi moving very well. Stout misses a right, Makdessi lands a counter. Stout charges forward, lands a decent right hand. Stout shoots, stuffed again. Stout with a jab, Makdessi with a straight right. Stout goes low, then lands a right. Makdessi with the inside leg kick. Stout sticks a jab. Makdessi lands a hook. Another sweet jab. They trade, both land a couple good ones to the head. Makdessi ducks an overhand right, lands a jab. They trade leg kicks. Good exchange, Makdessi lands about four nice shots to Stout’s one. Body kick by Makdessi blocked. Stout misses a jab, Makdessi answers with his own. Stout gets stuffed again. Nice action, Makdessi again, 10-9, but close.

Round 3: Switch kick by Makdessi, not much on it. Damn, then lands a decent hook kick. Followed by a leg kick. Stout pawing, trying to get something going here. He lands a left. Stout to the body, clips Makdessi’s chin. Stour eats a shot as he stalks. Makdessi with a very good left, knocks Stout’s new hairdo around. Stout with a jab, eats another jab. Stout with a hard leg kick. Another jab by Makdessi, and then lands two good shots in a row. Stout to the body. Makdessi slips a punch, lands two of his own. He’s just doing a better job of countering than Stout is of attacking. Stout with a jab. Makdessi sticks another jab. They trade hooks. Makdessi slipping and moving, and landing shots. The round ends, and I give the edge to Makdessi.

The decision is 30-27, 29-28, and 30-27 for John Makdessi. Good win, he looked great.

Cyrille Diabate vs Chad Griggs is next, and rumor has it they have a bet where the winner gets to sleep with the loser’s girl, while the loser has to French kiss Anthony Perosh’s toe. Main objective in life: Do Not Fucking Lose.

Round 1: It’s on. Diabate is so damn long. Diabate lands a bomb and Griggs goes down. Diabate jumps on him, works to side control. Griggs pushes him off, gets up, but Diabate hurls his ass to the ground, Hendo style. Diabate back to side control, and Griggs is looking rough. He works his way to his feet, but eats a nasty knee, and another. Griggs up, but Diabate drags him down again. Diabate gets on Grigg’s back, and scores himself a sweet rear naked choke.

Less than two and a half minutes into it, Cyrille Diabate gets the submission victory.

Ivan Menjivar and Azamat Gashimov are up from the Facebook portion.

Round 1: Azamat sticks a shot, gets the takedown. Menjivar with a tight guard, looking for an arm. Azamat with a hammer fist, Ivan goes for another arm. Oof, Menjivar lands an upkick, and Azamat is back in Menjivar’s guard. Azamat trying to work some ground and pound. Menjivar with a nasty armbar, belly down baby. Azamat taps.

That was sweet, and Azamat’s arm looks like it’s damaged.

Patrick Cote and Alessio Sakara are up next, and it’s hard to imagine that the loser of this one won’t end up on the unemployment line. Sakara has been around forever, fighting exclusively in the UFC since 2005, but at 6-6 with a No-Contest, and riding a two fight losing skid, his job could be on the line. Cote isn’t setting the Octagon on fire either, dropping his last four, but he’s tearing up the regional circuit, and any time the UFC rolls into Canada they give him a ring, losses be damned. Not too sure how long that hometown favorability will continue though. Cote needs a win very badly.

Round 1: The Predator does not look good, he’s a tad flabby in the midsection. Here we go. Cote opens with an inside leg kick. Sakara opens up a combo, Cote covers up well. Cote with a few decent shots, Sakara is hurt. But Sakara comes back with some devestating elbows. Cote is down, and Sakara is bashing him in the side of the head with cartoon hammer fists. And it’s over, the ref steps in and saves Cote.

Okay, a couple of those were to the back of the head, not so much the side, but hey man, that shit happens.

There is some controversy here. The officials are discussing it. I counted three shots clearly to the back of the head during the replay. The crowd is letting Sakara have it. The decision is in, and it’s a disqualification win for Patrick Cote. That’s a bitch for Sakara, he had Cote badly hurt from the elbows. But those were brutal illegal shots. Anyway, Cote gets a much needed W.

Well, that’s it for me. I want to thank all two of you for joining me. Be sure to stick around the CP for the main card, up next.