10 February 2005

Clarence house has announced that Prince Charles will marry Camilla later this year, though no date has been set.

It is now widely accepted that Prince Charles conducted an affair with Camilla before, during and after his marriage to Diana. Diana is on the record as claiming that Camilla was one of the primary reasons for the break up of her marriage to Charles.

Some may find it rather curious that Edward VIII had to abdicate in order to marry Mrs Simpson, with the reason given publicly that it was because she was a divorcee. With hindsight, the couple's well documented Nazi sympathies were far more likely to have been a cause for concern. Camilla Parker Bowles, as well as being widely acknowledged as the wrecker of Charles' marriage is also a divorcee. Apparently now the Archbishop of Canterbury also supports the future head of his church marrying a divorcee, homewrecker and adulterer. So much for moral guidance to the anglican community, as well as the British public at large.

When Paul Burrell was aboard the Royal Yacht Britannia during a period involving a gay porn scandal, it was suggested to him by the Queen that he should "find a wife".

Prince Charles was involved in a scandal of his own a while back, though heavy-handed legal action attempted to keep the scandal from the British public (though the details were widely reported overseas). Police even confiscated foreign newspapers carrying details that were brought into the UK by Channel Tunnel passengers.

The announcement of marriage comes after MPs were seeking access to the accounts of the Duchy of Cornwall to see how much money the Prince provides for Camilla, as well as just how much tax the Prince's 'business' avoids through exemption from capital gains and corporation tax.

The recent announcement of the forthcoming wedding of serial adulterer Prince Charles to serial adulteress Camilla Parker Bowles has had the owners of high-quality historical collectables in a panic. What to do with those embarrassing old Charles & Di cups from the early 80s?

You remember the day you heard our future king was going to marry. You were delighted. And when the wedding arrived in 1981, you just couldn't help but stack up your shelves with cheaply manufactured tat celebrating the event and pledging your undying loyalty. Even Spurs winning the FA Cup couldn't top your delight.

But sadly things went down hill. Your Diana collectables remained in your display cabinet only by virtue of her untimely demise in a mysterious car accident. The signed photo of Sol Campbell from the early 90s was not so lucky.

But with Charles set to move on, those Charles and Di mugs are an unpleasant reminder of better times. You'll look like an ageing, out-of-touch square, rather than a modern standard-bearer for constitutional monarchy.

Fortunately ThroneOut Mint has the answer. The ThroneOut Mint Charles & Diana Mug Conversion Kit. Featuring a sticker specially designed to fit over the face of the mad, deceased ex-wife, you can turn those embarrassing old collectables into something to be proud of again. Do your bit to airbrush over recent royal history - buy the ThroneOut Mint Charles & Diana Mug Conversion Kit now.