Lets be honest, some of the best things about being in conflict with those closest to us is letting loose. First we turn our ears off, which means our mouths can take over, and right behind our provoking pain driven language is our anger. Aah, all in a good days work.

In the wordthatdoesnotexist, the book of notreally 1:19-20 says – My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to only hear what they want, take every opportunity to talk over people, and allow your anger to help you navigate through conflict; because human anger produces all the stuff that God loves to see in those who are his children.

Said no book ever! Unfortunately there are many believers who in conflict, act as if all the above was true. It’s funny how we can think very highly of ourselves when it comes conflict and how we manage our emotions and tongues. I have recently had a couple of personal blind spots highlighted for me to see, (by my fantastic wife of course! It’s those who are the closest to us that have this crazy ability to expose the dark stuff that we carry) and while I am extremely thankful to have learnt about where I am falling short, I am also very keen to move forward and grow in this area.

What about you, how do you find yourself engaging in conflict? Please take some time to really reflect on the question that I have just asked. I encourage you to do this because I believe that many of us who profess to follow Jesus are in no way a reflection of him when it comes to how we conduct ourselves behind closed doors when its time to work through conflict.

In chapter one of the book of James, the author says My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this; everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. I reckon that if Christians were to take this stuff more seriously then a lot of marriages and relationships could be saved. Lets take a look.

So much misunderstanding takes place because we don’t listen. We should be seeking first to understand. This requires us to actually listen and not just hear. This is easy for some and needs to be practiced by others but extremely important when it comes to managing ourselves in conflict.

When we choose to be slow to speak or just shut up two things can happen. We can get a totally different perspective of what is happening, and God can speak to us in the middle of the storm that is taking place. It’s pretty awesome when we can see that “the thing” that got us fired up in the first place has no power at all and who doesn’t want God to intervene in our lives.

The last part can be easily overlooked but I cannot let myself or you off so easily. Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. I tell ya I am not a fan of these kind of sayings in the bible as it makes me see that it’s really not about me. The kind of righteousness that God wants is not possible for us to produce in ourselves alone. It’s through our faith in Christ Jesus that the righteousness of God is given to us.

What God requires, Christ provides. He has shown us how to live and we see how he managed in all kinds situations in the gospels. So as Christians let us continuously look to Jesus and make sure that our faith is more than just a statement, it should be a living faith that causes us to be transformed, especially when we are faced with conflict.

Thanks for reading. If you have found anything helpful from this post or would like to give feedback then please leave a comment.

Guilty here! I’m an extrovert and the challenge that comes with this is fallen into the trap of what you mentioned. I’m trying with the help of the Holy Spirit to bite my tongue and not speak. I was doing well but of late i have slipped again. Trying and praying to do better

There’s a lot of wisdom here. Certainly, marriage is one of the best places our true belief – or lack thereof – is highlighted! That tension between husband wife is a great revealer of pride, self-righteousness, and areas where we are not completely trusting God.

For me, a huge area in which I felt true freedom for the first time was when God revealed to me that whatever my husband did or did not do in our marriage was less about him and me and more about him and the Lord. Even though it affects me, in some ways it is really none of my business! My response is my business. 😉

I can’t deny this is a area that I need to challenge myself to do better in each and every day. I guess before speaking I need to question would Jesus respond this way or what would Jesus say.
Blessings ☺️🙏🏾