Sorry, but if looking at a playing card makes you happy, you're not magical, you're just dense.

I usually say I'm part cobra. It's useful becuase if you're ever about to get into a fight with a guy you can say, "I'm part fucking cobra!" and put your palms up on the sides of your neck and flap 'em around and make that "tttfttftftftftf" tongue sound the guy makes in Silence of the Lambs and it should freak the other guy out. In theory.

Ladies, no one's stopping you.

Looks like someone got an iguana for their birthday!

I read this like four times and I still can't figure most of these out. They say a lot but at the same time they're meaningless. Kind of like those nonsense corporate buzzwords you hear all the time, except these are from unemployable people.

Traci Lords goes on a journey of vengeance and squibs while making the same stupid face constantly.

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