06 May 2010

In Praise of Mothers

Since mother's day is Sunday, I sent a card to my father's companion thanking her for her love of and care for my father (age 93). We've had a difficult time establishing a relationship long distance (they live in Massachusetts) until the last time I visited in October when we double- teamed my father to make sure my mother's engagement ring went home with me. We laughed and bonded finally, completely and positively. Happy Mother's Day and thanks, Helen.

Being a mother is my all time favorite role in my life so far. I love being the lover and best friend of my beloved Honey, John, for 36 years. I love being his companion through life, journeying life's paths and having adventures together, growing and deepening this love we share. But all that became flesh when I became a mother. Love, springing from my body, fed by my body, part of me but separate, too. It's an astounding miracle.

It has challenged me and changed me and made me better in ways nothing else could have. Of course, I did have the good sense and great grace to give birth to my particular daughter to mother. She made mothering easy. Well, not always easy, but, on the deepest level, mostly. Because I fell so in love with her again and again at each life stage. "Oh, this is the best stage!" I'd say to my husband. Then the next stage would come and I'd say: "Oh, THIS is the best stage!". She was easy to love. Fun, smart, interesting- providing a way to see the wold from an utterly new and different (actually very different) perspective.

The challenge part of it came from those differences. She announced at age 3 when we had a disagreement: "Mommy, You think your thoughts and I'll think my thoughts!" I knew then that I was in for it! Through the years, I frequently scratched my head, was flabbergasted, wanted to change her or felt like I was in over my head in mothering her. Of course, that was the grace too though, because it opened up a world that I couldn't know and that only she could provide me. And it taught me such important life lessons even when I didn't particularly want to learn them.

I love watching my daughter mother her own 2 children now. She's a great Mom, very thoughtful in her mothering and I admire her. She has again opened up new worlds to me in her choice of where to live and what to be passionate about. She makes great efforts to include me in her children's lives and I'm grateful to her for that. Grandmother is my new favorite role. Happy Mother's Day and thanks, Kelly.

Thanks to all mother's today. Thanks for your bravery in birthing this next generation of our species. Thanks for all you do to nurture these unique, precious, unrepeatable dear ones. Thanks for your efforts to share your experiences in these blogs to support and strengthen another who might be faltering and need that contact from one who understands. It all matters. We all matter to one another. Good for us for reaching out and making our world a little more of a community. I'm glad to be in community with you. Happy Mother's Day and thanks.

6 comments:

Mary, this is a beautiful and touching tribute to motherhood, and mothers everywhere.

My boys were easy to mother. They never let me see the dangerous precipices around which they cavorted as the grew up. My daughter was another story. She was not at all easy to mother. She not only allowed me see the precipice, she dragged me to the edge, so I too hovered over disaster.

But if you have read my post They Walk, and her comments on the post, you know she has grown into an amazing woman.

Easy or challenging, all of our children grow into adults, and take on the additional role of "friend." How wonderful is that?

I hadn't read your "They Walk" post until now. What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing it. 3 years ago, my husband's sister and my friend, Peg, died of breast cancer, so last year I ran the national breast cancer marathon in Jacksonville, FL. It was important to me to do this because I could for those who couldn't. Happy Mother's Day, my friend!

i thought i made a post comment yesterday but i am not seeing it here....no matter, it was simple enough to remember....I LOVE YOU TOO!!!make sure to be on skype tomorrow and i will give you a call when i get up.thank you for all your mothering, guidance, love and support. i would not be who i am without you (and all the challenges we passed through) =)I love you!!

Thanks for visiting my blog. You present a wonderful portrait of your daughter and your love of motherhood. I didn't find mothering easy because the boys were so rambunctious but I did find myself loving them more each day and that surprised me as I never thought I'd love anything so much as those two babies and toddlers. I still find myself missing those stages, when they were perfect, innocent, totally dependent and could be cuddled and cared for all day long. Some day I imagine being a grandmother will bring it all back. I have a wait for that tho'. Neither of my them are ready for marriage and settling down to support someone. They're still young, 21 & 22.

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About Me

As an ancestor in training I'm staying active and alert in this my middle decade of old age. In my first decade I retired and moved to Antigua and Italy to have adventures in other cultures. Traveling around the Caribbean and Europe for nine years grew me out of my too- small self and gave me a bigger world view and my place in it. That was quite an education. I'm married to my best friend and main squeeze for 44 years and have a daughter who's saving the rain forest together with her husband. Through her two children's tutelage I'm learning how to grandmother. It's a work in progress demanding fierce love, scoops of creativity as well as considerable fun along the way. I love my life.

Show up & Show Your Soul

We are needed, that is all we can know. …One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to show up and show your soul….To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these- to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. (Clarissa Pinkola Estes)