Word Nerd Wednesday: I’m sorry. My Bad.

“You tell your brother you’re sorry!” the young mom says to her first grade son.

“Sorry!” the child says, glaring at his brother.

“Okay. Now go play and quit harassing him.”

…

I despise the current saying, “My bad.” However, “I’m sorry,” is not much better.

The sayer of a forced “Sorry!” clearly needs a parent who deals with heart issues. Yet even a self-imposed “I’m sorry” can take the form of a social mannerism rather than a true apology. It often doesn’t even reach the level of “I hurt your feelings, and I feel sorry about that.”

The sayer of “My Bad” clearly is taking responsibility and acknowledging they caused a problem. That’s a good turn in today’s society. But something about it still doesn’t ring true to me.

I will expound further next Wednesday, but I want to hear your opinions first.

12 responses to “Word Nerd Wednesday: I’m sorry. My Bad.”

I first heard “my bad” on the basketball courts when we would go down to the inner-city to play. I like it, though it’s usually casual and insincere, but nothing is less pious than a forced “I’m sorry”.

I like the fact that it is someone, as you pointed out, that is taking responsibility for their mistakes and actions or lack of them. It could be the first step in building character. The first thing that popped into my head was our youngest being forced to say sorry to her older sister. My wife would yell into the back seat, “Tell Ali you’re sorry!” and the little one in a low disingenuous would obediently say, “Saaawwwwweeee…”

I’m not sure, but in a quick heat of the moment exchange it could mean something even deeper than “I’m sorry.” Okay, I admit it! I’ve used the term! As a coach from the sidelines or in practice when I made a mistake, the kids knew that it was my way of saying, “I’m sorry, that was my fault not yours, I take full responsibility for that action and the consequences of it.” Blaming others in our society is getting to be like an epidemic, for me, taking blame is probably bigger and harder than saying “I’m sorry”.

I have to admit also that it was hard to hide the laughing hearing the little one say it. She’s always had a good heart though and each one is different.

Our middle, Ali was in town yesterday and Karson, the youngest, couldn’t wait to see her and hang out with her after school. They laugh about it now too…

It’s so hard to be mad at them when they’re cute! My sister used to tell her daughter “That’s a funny one time thing” when she said or did something that was cute and made everyone laugh, but ultimately wasn’t appropriate. Or wouldn’t be when she was older.

I think anyone who has been hurt, whether by accident or otherwise, cherishes a heartfelt response. I think I would rather hear “my bad” than “I’m sorry” since the former at least sort of takes responsibility.

Maybe because we are made in the image of God, we desire at our heart the same thing He desires when it comes to apologies and repentance. Scripture says, “If we confess AND forsake our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins.” I think too many people want to be satisfied with just one or the other. Putting them together adds the sincerity that tells us the person will try harder to avoid doing whatever hurtful thing in the future, and that’s what we need to rebuild our trust.

That’s funny, Crystal. I was thinking people would rather hear a (sincere) “I’m sorry” rather than an informal “My bad.” But you’re right. It’s exactly what I want with an I’m sorry/My bad: I want the offense acknowledged and assurance the offender will avoid the same thing in the future.

Neither one is really a proper apology in and of itself, but both are a step in the right direction. I’m with Crystal on this one. Despite being informal and gramatically incorrect (is that why you despise it, Von?), “my bad” is preferable because it takes responsibility. “I’m sorry” talks about the offender’s feelings. If you’ve hurt someone, the ofendee’s feelings should be the ones being considered. Also, sorry isn’t specific enough. The recipient doesn’t really know if you’re sorry for the hurtful thing you did, or sorry for the result. For example, when a teen mouths off to mom, mom doesn’t want to give her a ride to the mall. Daughter says, “I’m sorry.” Mom wonders if she’s sorry for saying hurtful things, or for not getting a ride to the mall. When it comes to teaching kids to apologize, you can’t force them to be sincere. You can (and probably should, I think) require them to acknowledge their mistakes and make amends. Leading them to feel compassion for others when they are hurt is a worthy goal, but much more difficult to achieve.

Boy, that’s true, Kirsti. Are they sorry for getting caught or sorry for having to face the consequences, or sorry for what they did. You never quite know. They probably don’t know, themselves, to be honest.

It’s awfully true, too, that it is very difficult and time-consuming to deal with a child’s heart issues when you can just take their “Sorry” and move on, much less dealing with our own heart issues when we’re the offender.