The King James Version for gentleness in Galatians 5:23 is translated as “meekness.” People often view meekness as weak-willed, one who can be easily manipulated. Yet true meekness isn’t weak at all. True meekness is power under control.

God is our example of true meekness. He has the authority to punish us for our sins. Yet He chooses to forgive us. He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve (Psalm 103:10). Instead, He lovingly trains and leads us into Holiness. He isn’t impatient with our weaknesses. Rather, He’s compassionate and merciful, slow to anger and filled with unfailing love (Psalm 103:8, NLT).

How do we develop God’s meekness in our marriages? Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:29, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Jesus displayed God’s meekness by the power of the Holy Spirit. Because we also have the power of the Holy Spirit we can walk in meekness. We learn how to walk in His meekness by spending time with Him, studying and following His example. The more time we spend learning from Jesus, the more we will develop His meekness.

When I first started following Christ I tried to walk as He did but failed miserably. My failures often discouraged me and weakened me more. I didn’t know I had the power of the Holy Spirit to help me walk in the fruit of the Spirit. I was trying to follow Jesus’ example on my own strength instead of relying on Him.

We can’t acquire meekness on our own. It’s not our strength that makes us meek. It is God who makes us meek. I could study a hundred ways to walk in gentleness in my marriage, and that would help me, but it wouldn’t make me meek.

It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

—Psalm 18:32

As we draw near to God, He gives us the strength to walk in meekness. Then, as we use His strength and walk in meekness, it begins to develop in us. When we fall we don’t need to be discouraged and beat ourselves down. Rather, we need to draw closer to God and continue walking in meekness, as we patiently wait for it to develop.

Our spiritual walk is like a baby learning to walk. When my children were learning to walk, I didn’t yell at them when they fell. I just lifted them up and encouraged them to keep trying. If they would have sat down and refused to take another step, they wouldn’t have learned how to walk. My kids had to do the walking. I couldn’t do that part for them. But I could lift them up each time they fell, which renewed their strength to take another step. I could also praise and encourage them, which made them excited to take another step. It was exciting for me as well watching them progress and walk more consistently.

God works with us the same way. He gives us the strength but we need to do the walking. He encourages us and lifts us up when we fall, but we need to not give up. Just like I was with my children, God is excited when we progress. If God’s excited with each step we take, we should be excited as well. We can also be patient with ourselves because just like a baby, we don’t learn to walk without falling.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

—Psalm 37:24, AKJV

I want to encourage you to draw near to God. Spend time daily learning from Jesus. He wants to teach you. He loves you dearly. He longs to develop His fruit in you so you can enjoy a fruitful marriage. Be excited each day as you try to take another step with Him. When you fall, receive His strength and enjoy learning to walk in Him.

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.