On Monday (11/19), I was able to sleep relatively late, til about 11AM! I was able to take my time, and showered.After getting back so late from our trip across Hokkaido, I slept very well. Almost the instant I slipped under the covers I had fallen asleep, and so morning came as if in the blink of an eye. I was still feeling relatively upset from the events that had occurred, involving Becca from the same program as I who you surely recognize from our many adventures, and her decision to move. I have to underline that of course it is her decision to live where she wishes and to do as she wishes. However, as I have described, the details and suddenness of this move really affected me and reminded me that one's actions are tied to others. That is why I try hard to use consideration, though obviously it cannot always be predicted how your actions will involve others. I told her when I woke up that I would like to talk to her. She said she was going to the grocery store, and we agreed to meet downstairs and walked together. On the walk, I struggled with myself as to whether I should broach the topic I wished to discuss. But I kept it to myself, hesitant to bring it up or to cause trouble. After we finished our groceries, we sat down to eat lunch together. Thankfully, while eating, Becca encouraged me to speak about what I wanted to when I felt comfortable. I was relieved by this. If she had not said so, I think I would have kept it to myself. I took a breath and admitted that I had overheard Kotaro explaining that Becca and he would be moving in together which was a different story from what I had been told. I asked her if this was the truth. She said yes, but that it was only because the guys in Kotaro's apartment were getting a new roommate who had been having significant trouble in his previous living situation and so needed a place to stay. Therefore, they had decided that Kotaro and Becca would just move in together so that the new roommate could live upstairs and not downstairs with Becca, which may have been awkward for them both. I could understand this situation and subsequent arrangement, yet I remain baffled as to why no one cared to mention such details to me. I suppose it does not directly involve me, but it still would have been nice to know. Everything had been decided so quickly, and I had in every detail been left in the dark until the last moment. Becca had comforted me once before by saying that part of her motivation to move was because I too had expressed frustrations about the dorm, yet she felt I would not be willing to move, so she had considered it an opportunity for the sake of us both. Yet, learning the more precise details of the living arrangement, I admit that I began to doubt this motivation--well, not doubt, persay, because I understood the practicality of the arrangement. And in other ways, I also disliked the assumption that I would not be willing to move, since perhaps if I had more than 12 hours to think about it, I may have agreed. As a result of this motivation, I suppose, Becca had been adamant that I would be always welcome at the apartment and that was was hers was mine. So after thinking for many days, I had just accepted the idea that she would move. I had worked hard to get over my sadness and to see all the positives, and to remind myself that it was her decision to make and had not been intended to hurt me, when I learned the full details. I knew that in such a situation, with a couple living together, it would be impossible to always be welcome. I knew that such an arrangement was very different from Becca moving in on her own. There would be no way I could feel welcome to come by at anytime, knowing that a couple was living there and that I may not be able to spend the night. I saw myself becoming a third wheel all over again. I could see the practical reality of the situation, beyond whatever good intentions there were. I feared that the result would be that all of Kotaro's roommates and Becca were now in one place, with me so far away, and that slowly but surely I would be left behind. Though Becca assured me that was not the case, the fact remains that they are all about a 50 minute walk away, and all have the freedom to do all sorts of fun things without me. Which of course I understand (I cannot expect to always be invited), but I had already been sensitive to the fact that I was frequently left out, and now this was becoming both a figurative and literal reality. After that, we came back to the dorm. I was able to skype with my family. At 4:45 I had my Monday lecture with Koike-sensei who had only just returned from Helsinki. He had been there for about a week for a conference. He shared some chocolates with us from his trip. After the lecture, I screwed up the courage to ask if he would be willing to write a letter of recommendation for me to the graduate schools I am applying. Fortunately, he was happy to do so. We finished a bit earlier than usual, and so I headed back to the dorm to start rice in preparation for dinner before walking to the gym to meet Magali around 7PM. As you may know, we have a goal to meet every Monday to exercise together and lift weights. I had a very enjoyable time with her. She shared with me a very difficult ab routine, which I struggled with, but felt good after completing. I was impressed because she was able to do about 50 of each movement. My abs are completely gone, and so it is an uphill battle. But Magali is so cheerful and positive, it is a real pleasure to work out with her. While packing up she told me she had heard about my excitement concerning the desserts buffet called Shall We Sweets, that I had attended with the track team. We agreed that we must visit it together. Leaving, I admitted that it was certainly becoming chilly, since I could feel the bite on my hands without gloves. The fast, cold air while biking now truly does bite. I came back, and ate dinner.

On Tuesday morning I had Kanji class. It snowed in the morning, which was rather inconvenient. The professor and her stern ways are starting to grow on me. Because of the cold in my room in the morning, I have a tendency to put on many more layers than necessary. So I arrived to class wearing far too many clothes. I stopped for kuri pan on the way back. Around noon, I was supposed to meet Joshua for lunch. I was a little stressed about this because I wanted to get many things done during the day. He called and asked if it was ok to push back lunch to 2:30PM, which worked better for my schedule anyways and so was a relief. I used the time to prepare some packages, then brought them to the post office before biking over the Keiteki dorms to meet Joshua. He shared some of his remaining birthday cake with me. We looked up the various ranking of international universities, since I am always talking about working on applications, and towards the end broached the topic of bioethics. I was excited by this, because of my experience in writing my historical research paper on plant right. While biking back, I had one of my first encounters with a truly rude person. A student and his girlfriend were walking hand and hand, taking up the whole path. I drifted along behind them, not wanting to surprise them, and tried to wait for an opportunity to pass. But they were not budging, so I said quietly 'sumimasen!' so they would know I was there. The man turned back looking surprised, then told me I should bike in the street! I was incredulous. Everyone uses the path to bike and almost no one bikes in the street. It is notoriously dangerous to do so. I even scoffed. I was not fast enough or brave enough to leave him with a witty comeback, though he certainly deserved one (actually he deserved to be smacked). I was astounded by how rude he was. Telling someone to bike in the street like that, as opposed to just sharing the path, was a direct jab. He was basically telling me to go get hurt. I wanted to point and say, "look there. There are three other bikers coming towards you. Clearly, you can bike on the path." But as I mentioned, I was not quick enough or confrontational enough. When I got back to the dorm, Satoh-san beckoned me excitedly to his desk. Then he lifted up a large box. I had received a package from home! This started to make up for the rude walker's comment. Although I tripped up the stairs in my excitement, I did not mind because I was very happy to at last receive a package from home. I hurriedly opened the box, though did not have time to look through it before it was time to leave for practice. For whatever reason, I was markedly cheerful at practice even though I hadn't been particularly looking forward to it that day because of the cold. I joined the sprinters, because very inconveniently I am not able to attend Wed/Fri practices which are key for middle distance runners. The workout was only 4x200m, then we threw medicine balls around afterwards. I finally declined to go with to onsen for the team trip ('nokai' or drinking get-together). I asked if this was rude of me, because I did not want to cause any trouble, and I was relieved when I was told it was just fine. After practice, I came back, bought dinner at Aeon which was so crowded at that hour, and ate up.

Wednesday was class as usual, filled with lots of snow and attempts to finish up applications. Then there was my Field Bioscience course in the evening. It is becoming more and more of a challenge to bike! On Thursday there was Kanji class in the morning. It was also Thanksgiving day! However, virtually no one was aware of it. There are not very many Americans in my Japanese classes, so I had expected this. After class I wished Happy Thanksgiving to one of my German classmates and he was quite oblivious to it. So I have learned that internationally, not much is known about the American holiday of Thanksgiving. About the only holidays that are well-known seem to be Christmas (of course, because it is not exclusive to the U.S.) and oddly enough Halloween. I waited for Becca to get ready, then just past noon we walked to the grocery store to purchase ingredients for the dinner we were planning. We bought a ridiculous amount of food, mostly vegetables and pie ingredients. Our menu was (on Becca's list): mashed potatoes, stuffing, apple pie, and cider. My list included sweet potatoe pie, walnut-honey pie, aspargus, and carrots. The plan was to cook at the large apartment we had visited long ago, when we first met Kotaro. It is called the Maeda place. Since we don't have cars or anything like that, we stubbornly loaded two backpacks, a large bag, and my sports duffle bag full of food and cooking utensils. We had such a huge amount of stuff. I needed to take my bike with so that I could go to my track practice in the evening in a timely manner. So we balanced one of the bags on my bike handle and proceeded. I found it to be quite a laborious walk, weighed down by so many precarious items. Kotaro met us about 3/4 of the way and that was a relief. Neither Becca nor I were certain if the guys living at the Maeda place were aware of our intentions to invade their kitchen. Becca was not sure if Kotaro had fully explained. Fortunately, they did not seem to mind. We finally reached their place by 3PM. I was becoming rather anxious about the time--I had wanted to start cooking by noon or at least 1PM, knowing that I would have my track practice at 8PM. We got started, and although their apartment is larger than others, the kitchen is still comparatively cramped with only two burners and a small microwave oven. So Becca and I had to move carefully to utilize the space. We even lined up all the bowls of food we were preparing on the stairs, since there was no counter space to spare. The guys and various friends came and went, playing games and listening to music while we cooked. They seemed to know that they should leave us alone, and stay out of the way! By about 6:40PM, everyone was becoming really hungry, so although we were still putting the finishing touches on and working on pies, we ate. I was a little nervous about eating a big meal so soon before practice, but I conceded that Thanksgiving comes but once a year. The food turned out really good and everyone enjoyed it. We had wanted to share a typical American Thanksgiving, and I think we succeeded. I was really happy when everyone enjoyed the sweet potato pie. I ate hastily, then hesitantly left for practice.I had been very tempting not to go, but I felt that I needed to be responsible and I enjoy practice so much anyways. Somehow, I biked and navigated successfully back to the gym. I had left at about 7:10PM, assuming I would end up getting lost for a while, so I made it early which was a relief. Practice started off with some basketball games. Then "30 second" sprints, where everyone lines up along the wall, then sprints back and forth touching either wall for 30 seconds (then repeat!). It ended with some wall sits. I was grateful when we got kicked out of the gym early, so that the next sports team could have their turn. I changed back into my normal clothes, then biked back to apartment. I wasn't sure if Becca and Kotaro would still be there, since it was just before 10PM. They had told me they most likely would be, so I tried to contact them to ask if I should come back. However, unfortunately, I couldn't reach either Becca or Kotaro, so I decided just to bike back to the Maeda place and see. I waited outside in the cold for about 20 minutes before Ukisu answered Kotaro's phone (to my surprise). I had real trouble explaining in Japanese that I was wondering if Becca was still there and if I could come up. I thought I was expressing myself correctly, but something must have been lost in translation because we talked in circles. Thankfully, Eguchi-san, a resident of the apartment, returned and saw me waiting outside so he walked up with me. Once back, I finished up some desserts. The microwave oven was in high demand. Becca finished her apple pie and laid out the chestnut chocolate mousse cake she had prepared. Kotaro asked if they could start, and she conceded. To my dismay, everyone just took forks and dug in! I definitely prefer to cut things neatly and put them on plates, and so I was distraught by this style of eating. I feel that it destroys the artwork of a dessert! But they were really enjoying the desserts, so I was happy for that. Becca experimented with creating apple cider. The apple juice here is not like plain apple juice--it is extremely sweet and sugary. But she managed to recreate the taste of cider! My honey-walnut pie had gotten last turn at the oven, so it finished last. It took a while to cook, and I was nervous watching it because it seemed to be a little to runny. I wanted to test it out before letting the others see it, because I had never tried the recipe before and I was nervous from the look that it would be bad. Becca and I cut a slice, and she said that it was really good. So we shared it, and others seemed to enjoy it (though I was a little sad that by the time my pie came around, everyone was pretty full). I also liked it, and if I make it again I will try to make it less runny. If it had been the texture more of a pecan pie, I think it would've been great! After that everyone played cards, and I looked down at the clock after a bit. It was already 12:30AM. As usual, there was the long walk back to the dorm in the cold. We got back some time after 1AM. I realized with heavy sadness throughout the walk that this would be one of my last walks with Becca back to the international house. I was keenly aware that from then on, I would be left to walk home alone. Becca was very worried about finishing some of her work with the upcoming business of her move that weekend, and so although Friday was a Japanese holiday and we had actually made really fun plans to go horseback riding, she had asked earlier in the day if we could forgo it. To be honest, I was really disappointed because I had declined offers from two different groups (as I may have mentioned) of the promise that we would be going. Even though Becca said that she had declined things with other people too, I felt it was a little bit different for her since she was the one canceling. I also have graduate school applications to finish (which I have actually realized are due far sooner than Becca's), but I was looking forward to the little trip so much, so I could not hide my disappointment. I would have gladly helped out with the Sappachi Honey people (who had asked me to volunteer) or gone with other people on Friday had I known. But Becca seemed very nervous, and I felt like I would be a mean person to force her to go along with it so I told her we could wait. I fell asleep at last about 2AM.

On Friday morning (11/23), I ended up having track practice. Hanako-san had mentioned it to me briefly the evening before, and I had suspected it would be morning practice because of the holiday. So although the exciting horseback riding trip was cancelled, I at least had wonderful track and field to take its place. Practice was at 9:15AM, but it was about a 20 minute subway ride away--at the old 1972 winter olympics skating center. So I had to wake up early to catch the subway. Hanako-san very kindly agreed to meet me at the Namboku line platform (thank goodness!). As I was getting ready in the morning, I hastily tried to skype home to my family as they were sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. My grandmother, aunts and Michael were there, so I got to see so many of my family members. I was very grateful for this. We were all impressed, I think, by how incredible it is to be able to use something like Skype to communicate (for free!) over such distances. I felt bad that I had to run off, and to leave by 8AM in order to reach the station by 8:30AM. While walking near the dorm, I tried calling home again on my iPhone to give a view of my walking route. The traffic was so noisy, though, it was not very successful. Somehow Hanako-san and I spotted each other perfectly through the windows of the subway as it pulled in, so we were able to hop back on together, and sit with a handful of other runners. I have seen the 1972 Olympic stadium while driving a few times, such as while leaving Sapporo for the trip with Koike-sensei and my lab. So I found it interesting to finally end up there. I was also excited to be walking and running in the same facility as onetime Olympians, even if they were skaters not runners! The workout for that day was quite intimidating, 900x600x300x3 sets. For the first set, I could keep up with Hanako-san. But I gradually wore down more and more, and on the last set I was very slow. While straining through the workout I could see the snowy weather through the windows. Apparently Hanako-san has to do her internship at the hospital for her physical therapy major so won't be at practice much. Afterwards everyone was going to get lunch, but it was already 12:30 and I really have so many things to get done, so I declined. However, that meant I needed to navigate back alone. It was a long walk back to the station, but Hanako-san typed the address into my phone so I could navigate with it. I managed to find the station successfully, get on the right train, and all the way back to Sapporo station. Sitting on the subway, looking out the windows at the beautiful falling snow and watching the mountains (mountains!) pass by, all after a good track workout, I truly felt thankful. I still cannot believe sometimes that I am really here. I fully expect to wake up from a dream at such moments.Perhaps because of the holiday, Sapporo station was packed. I was pushed along in a wave of people, and hardly had to locate the stairs on my own, because I was simply swept up them. I was very hungry at this point, and ended up right outside of a cookie shop that I have visited before. So I bought some little cookies (with delicious and interesting flavors such as Custard, Cinnamon, Strawberry Cream, and Milk Tea). Outside the snow had really picked up since I had seen it from the windows. When once it was friendly and flurry, now it was so cold and snowy and slushy. My feet got soaked in the snow and melted puddles. I thought to myself that I might as well have taken of my shoes and gone barefoot, because there would not have been much difference. I was only wearing my old pair of running shoes, and not boots, so I was ill-prepared for the sudden change in weather. It was such slow going, and so difficult not to slip and fall. The sidewalks here are so treacherous, and never cleared at all. They become slick like an ice rink. It was nearly 2PM by the time I made it to Aeon, where I could at last get something to eat. I tried the vegetable Tempura. I let Becca know that I had made it back, and she came to meet me to eat lunch together. She needed to find curtains for her new apartment. Afterwards, I helped her pack some stuff into taxi in the snow. We road the taxi to go pick up her key, then to drop stuff off at her apartment. Becca excitedly opened the door to the completely empty apartment. I could definitely understand her excitement and happiness. But to be frank, I was not happy there. This signified to me the start of our parting ways. That may be too dramatic of a description--yet I knew that from here on out, everything would be different. Even though we may not have seen each other everyday at the dorm, it was such a comfort to know that she was there for me, and I was there for here. Frequently, in the evening, I would walk down the stairs with my banjo, and talk together and drink tea with her in her room, or she would come up to mine. I felt the stat of jealousy and bitterness, and could not act especially happy although I was glad for her to have gotten what she wanted. Kotaro asked her if she would sleep at the apartment that night, and they brought down the mattress to set up the bedroom. That really made me sad--because it meant truly meant that we now lived in two separate places. We walked back to the dorm, to retrieve some more of her bags and pack, but decided to stop for dinner at Aeon since it was about that time. I made the mistake of getting Tempura again, which was a BAAAD idea twice in one night. That was too much grease for me in one day, even though I enjoy tempura. What was worse, it was full of onions. Luckily, Becca likes onions so I was really glad to be able to give them to her. I despise onions. If anyone has seen my reaction when I accidentally eat a raw piece, you know how vehemently I dislike them. I can taste them in my mouth for days. So it really is fortunate when I am with someone who likes them, because I hate to waste them. Even though I was feeling pretty stuffed (and curse those onions, I could still taste them), Becca suggested we stop at Mister Donut to make up for the onions. I hope that she didn't feel bad about them showing up in my meal! She bought me a donut, and we sat together talking. We talked a bit more when we got back as she packed about our families, and various stories. That night, I was going to start cookies and so I went back up to my room for a bit to get mixing, but realized with dread that I had forgotten baking soda. That would mean another slippery, perilous walk back to the grocery store. In the meantime, I helped Becca load up the taxi for trip 2, and she was confident that all of the bags and boxes would fit. Satoh-san and I were doubtful, but somehow it all fit! With mixed feelings, I waved goodbye to her as she got into the taxi to bring her things to her apartment. I slipped and slid back to Aeon for baking soda and eggs, got back and mixed the batter, then went down to the lounge where the microwave oven is to start cooking. Unfortunately, I had not realized that the lounge closes at 11PM so only got part way done. But Satoh-san was kind to give me some extra minutes after 11, to finish up a batch. In return, I gave him a bunch of cookies. I had wanted to prepare them to give to the track team as a snack for their trip the next day (the nokai, 'drinking party' that I had declined). I had attempted to recreate the delicious walnut spice cookies I had bought at the small cafe in Shiretoko. They were not of the same caliber, but they were still good.

On Saturday morning I had track practice at 9:15AM, as usual. It was at the gym near the track. It had snowed heavily during the night, and so the walk there was slow and slippery, full of ice. The track was blanketed in snow. As it turned out, we would spend the first part of practice dismantling the track equipment outside, to store it away for the winter. This turned into a huge, and time-consuming ordeal, but with teamwork it all got done. I wasn't really sure how to assist, but I was given a room and helped clear of one of the jumping runways. Some of the guys attempted unsuccessfully to roll up the heavy mats in the snow. For perhaps 40 minutes they pushed, pulled, stumbled, grunted, strategized, stood with folded arms, but nothing worked. Finally, through various maneuvers they rolled them up, but crooked, so they had to redo them. There was no way to carry them, and at last they were hauled onto a cart which I watched make snail-like progress being dragged across the snowy in field by a team of about 5. We also took down the throwing nets, and this was harrowing because it involved tipping over the large metal apparatus around the throwing pit. Inside, middle distance was to do weight training on their own. It was already about 11AM. Hanako-san and I did the main lifting together (and boy did I feel like an out of shape wimp, because I could only lift about half the weight she could). She sure is patient with me, though! Then I did some abs on my own. Afterwards, I got lunch at Aeon, and went to sort out my Softbank phone bill. Even though I had arranged direct withdrawals from my bank account, for some reason I still received a paper bill. I was worried because I actually had disregarded it for a long time, not realizing that it was a bill. I was glad when I reached the local Lawson conbini and successfully paid for it. But it was about twice as expensive as it was supposed to be, so I will have to figure out why. My next step was to seek out the running stores that Hanako-san had suggested to me. At Friday's practice she had been really kind to even drawn me a map, which was priceless to me in my expedition. I was really proud of myself that, even though I got lost a little, I managed to find all three stores! I enjoyed wandering through them and looking at all the exciting outdoor gear. My goal was to finally purchase a warm up suit/wind breaker like everyone else, but I am quite picky so only scoped it out this time. Afterwards, though it was a long cold walk, I felt extremely satisfied. I wandered somewhat haphazardly on my return, and to warm up in the crisp cold after the sun had fallen, I popped into a music store I had stumbled upon. I purchased a guitar tuner and strap, of the hope that I can finally tune my banjo (Note: I still can't, the tuner won't work for it.) I got quite turned around along Oodori and completely by accident stumbled upon the Christmas lights being set up along Oodori park. At first I was really pleased and happy to wander through them. It was such a familiar feeling to being home in the U.S., to see all the bright lights and happy families out in the cold. It felt very Christmas-y indeed. But after getting turned around again and again and very cold, I just wanted to know how to get back. At last I made it to Sapporo Station, and in order to warm up I decided to get Soup Curry for dinner even though it was only about 5:30PM. It was very delicious. Afterwards I took my time leaving, explored the ESTA building a bit more. I wound up right in front of a store called Vintage Vanguard, which I have been told contains all sorts of oddities and interesting things. I decided to look around. There were all sorts of interesting stickers, pins, books, toys, and trinkets. I bought some souvenirs, then headed back to the dorm at long last. Perhaps from being out in the cold so long, I fell asleep very early (around 9:45PM!).

On Sunday I truly did nothing. For the first time since arriving in Japan, I was inside literally all day. I worked on random emails, essays, and procrastinating. In the evening I finished baking the cookies I had started, and struck up a conversation with a fellow student, from Sakhalin in fact, when she came down to make tea. She is also in my kanji class. We commiserated about not wanting to use our heaters, and how our dorm is rather isolated compared to the very active Kita 23. I shared some cookies with her as she studied, and I do hope we will get to bake together some time when I am less stressed. Little did I know, that same evening Becca dislocated her shoulder throwing a snowball! A little after 8PM I received a message from her informing me about it. Needless to say, I have forbidden all of my acquaintances here in Japan from throwing snowballs.

On Monday, I did very little if I remember correctly. Mostly just spent the day in my dorm, with the exception of attending my lecture in the evening with Koike-sensei, Diao-san, Nana-san, and Mao-san. I do really enjoy interacting with Koike-sensei. He is truly a character, but also as I cannot express enough, such a kind professor. Throughout the day I tried to stay in contact with Becca to see how she was doing. I wanted very much to help, but because of the distance and perhaps also because she is a very independent person she did not call upon me for help, although she has Kotaro and the boys to help in my stead. I was sad and frustrated not to be able to do anything to assist, and even more so that I had not been able to see her still since the accident.

Tuesday morning (11/27) started out as normal, and I even risked biking to Kanji class because the roads, though wet, were relatively clear. The spray of water from my rear tire always gets my back wet, so in puddly conditions I always arrive with a large wet patch along my butt and lower back. While sitting in class (which is heated to an almost intolerable temperature), the professor looked suddenly to the window with surprise. It had begun to snow! And not just a little bit; the streets and sky was turned to white. Everyone became distracted by it. Although the snow is beautiful, I looked to Magali with an expression of exasperation and perhaps a tiny bit of awe. By the end of class, the weather was turning into a real blizzard. I swept off a few inches of snow from my bike, then began to walk it back down mainstreet in the heavy snow. As I walked, there was a flash. At first I was puzzled; then thunder rolled above me. I laughed to myself--Hokkaido sure knows how to whip up a winter storm. There had been no sign of it in the morning. I had worn my normal coat and jeans, although fortunately with a pair of leggings underneath. That day, unfortunately, was the last day in the rent payment period. I have arranged direct withdrawals, but the first two months must be paid in person. I have been to the building only once, with Becca. It is not on campus, but next to Sapporo station. With a sigh, I realized there was nothing to be done for it. I would have to attempt to locate the building in the blizzard. At first I thought that after withdrawing the right amount of money at the campus conbini, I would lock up my bike and set out. Just as I locked up my bike in a bike parking area and headed towards the exit I saw a large truck collecting bikes that were, apparently, parked in the wrong place. I thought for a minute, and came to the conclusion that it would be just my luck to have my bike towed. So I turned around, and unlocked my already snow covered bike. From taking off my gloves so many times (a real mistake, any Minnesotan will tell you), my hands were frozen. The rest of my clothes were near to soaked, along with my feet. I decided I would just bring my bike safely back to the dorm, where there would be no risk of it being towed, and then suit up in true winter gear. Recently I purchased a cheap track suit at the all-purpose Aeon. I had hoped to wear it for warming up at track practices, but upon wearing it once realized in dismay that it truly did look like an outfit only an old man would wear. (I have since seen old men wearing almost the same get-up.) In my opinion, it resembles more of a black garbage bag with yellow stripes. I reasoned that in the spring I would simply use it as forest work gear, so that it would not go to waste. Since I don't yet have all the proper winter gear, my silly track suit would have to serve. At the very least, it is semi-waterproof. So I pulled it on, tied my scarf, and grabbed my baseball cap, very much resembling an old Japanese man. My gloves were still soaking wet. I had so much trouble locating the building. I carried the address with me, but no matter which way I walked, it was either the wrong street or the building was not to be found. One of my frustrations with the arrangement of Sapporo is that, although I am sure that because of the grid-patten it is infinitely easier to follow addresses than the tangle of more southern Japanese cities, most of the streets do not have signs. So you may know that it is a grid, but until you locate a sign, you have no idea where exactly you are located on it. Rounding some of the corners, it was so windy I could hardly walk. At one point, I felt as though I was walking into a wall because of the strength of the gusts. After circling the entirely of Sapporo Station, I finally recognized the building. Exasperated, soaked, cold, but realized I entered the building and took the elevator up to the correct floor of the office. I sat down at the desk, handed the man my form, and he began to fill out the paperwork. I took out my money, and when presented the tray to place my rent in (all money exchanges in Japan involve a little tray to place your money in), I laid out 2,000 yen. The man stared at me in confusion. I looked down and realized, in horror, the problem. When withdrawing I had forgotten a zero. What should have been 20,000 yen was 2,000 yen (the same as handing someone $20 instead of $200). I couldn't believe it! I was so frustrated. I asked the man if there was an ATM anywhere nearby, knowing that there wasn't. He directed me to Sapporo Station. Upset with myself, I went back out into the blizzard. Across the street was a Lawson conbini with an ATM. However, after attempting to use it, it would not accept my bank card. Discouraged, I went to a 7-11 down the block. It was the same story--my bank card was not accepted at that ATM. Discouraged and angry at the ATMS and the situation, I searched throughout Sapporo station for an ATM. They are notoriously hard to find, and few and far in between. I thought about asking someone, but everyone was moving so quickly, and I looked like a crazy person. Finally, I located one and marched back to the rent office. By this time it was 12:20. I had been supposed to meet Becca for lunch at 12:30. We were planning to go to the Indian restaurant. Because of how long it had taken me to find the office, and then the ordeal with ATMS, in total I had spent about an hour on what should have taken 20 minutes. I told Becca I was on the way, and walked as fast as I could, but that I would be ten minutes late. As I was hurriedly walking over, my phone rang! It was Koike-sensei! He had some questions about writing the letter of recommendation for my graduate school applications and wanted to discuss more about my goals and my choices of schools. I was actually very frustrated, because I explained that I was busy at the moment and had made plans. I felt that to expect that I would be able to drop everything was a little unfair. But I did not wish to cause any inconvenience, especially because he is supporting me and doing me such a kindness, so I said that I could be ready in an hour. I finally reached Becca, seeing her for the first time since dislocating her shoulder. I had been so nervous about her making the walk to meet me in the storm, but with her coat over her shoulders, she appeared to me as confident and put-together as ever. Honestly, if it had not been for the sling, she hid her injury well! I apologized in exasperation for being late, and was so sorry, but explained the situation about needing to meet Koike-sensei. She graciously suggested that we eat at the campus cafeteria, which was right by us anyways. I was very grateful for her understanding, and the food is quite good at the cafeteria anyways. I ordered chige-nabe, which turned out to be delicious. I gradually began to realize how difficult simple things could be, without the use of your dominant arm. I had only faintly realized the fact that Becca had hurt her right arm. Despite this, she is really impressive with one hand. She pointed out that she was even able to finish her meal well before me. This just proves how slow of an eater I truly am. After lunch, we swung into the campus conbini and Becca picked out some candy. I told her that I would be happy to accompany her and help with any errands, if I could just go talk to Koike-sensei for a little bit. She was going to meet the others, who were picking her up soon, so she declined my offer. As we were leaving the conbini, my phone rang again. I answered quickly, knowing it would be Koike-sensei. As it turned out, Koike-sensei had actually just wished to speak with me on the phone for a while to discuss these topics, since he was not at his office but working from home that day. So his request was anything but rude, and given the fact that he is being so kind to write letters for me, explaining some of my choices is the least I can do. He had not expected me at all to drop all of my plans, but only to talk on the phone for a while. I felt inconsiderate to Becca, not wishing to interrupt Koike-sensei as he spoke to me, but also wanting to explain to her and to say goodbye. One of my least favorite situations is to be torn between speaking to someone on a phone, and speaking to someone in person at the same time. I do not want to be rude to either. Fortunately, Becca understood and I gradually drifted towards the Clark student center to continue talking with Koike-sensei. That evening, I had track practice in the gymnasium at 4:30PM. If I remember correctly, the workout that evening involved jumping over a line of hurdles continuously for ten minutes. When I was told this (indeed, when I first spied hurdles being arranged) I was apprehensive. I have never successfully jumped over a hurdle, and I dislike them greatly. I frequently describe myself as having a bad relationship with them. This is mostly because, during track, we would frequently do "hurdle mobility." This is a simple warm-up exercise for most gifted with normal flexibility and rhythm. For someone such as myself, lacking severely in both, I consider it torturous. I look forward to all things in track--Except. Hurdle. Mobility. By my senior year, I had finally achieved the correct rhythm and improved significantly. However, there is one movement--squatting under the hurdles--which I will never be able to do. It always caused me so much pain and embarrassment to continuously attempt it. Hence, my apprehension. Also, having never actually JUMPED a hurdle, to do so for 10 minutes just seemed like a ridiculous situation for me. I thought, now someone must have learned of my dislike of hurdles and they are playing a cruel trick on me. I nervously told some of the girl runners that I had never jumped a hurdle. They were surprised and hastily tried to give me some advice. It came down to me hurriedly jumping over one just before we started. Well, I could clear it at least, I told myself. Before I knew it, we had started. Those in front of me in line became fewer and fewer--the hurdles coming closer and closer, until I had no choice but to start running towards it or be run down. With wide eyes, and fully prepared to end up in a tangle, I held my breath and jumped over the first hurdle. I can't do the proper hurdle jumping form, so I looked like a kid jumping a fence. But I was happy just to be able to clear it. Then came the next one, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one. Then circle back to the beginning and repeat. About 2 minutes through I thought, well, I guess I can do this! I have no choice! Just like those pushed into a pool must learn to swim, I had to keep moving. At about 5 minutes I thought, goodness, this is impossible. My legs were starting to tire, and it was so hard to keep moving and keep jumping. At about 8 minutes I thought, well this is actually a little bit fun. When it was done, I felt secretly extremely proud. Although I was glad to be finished, I felt that I had worked hard. I was so shocked to think back on what I had just accomplished. Having never jumped hurdles before, I had taken about the craziest crash course possible. Now when I see a hurdle I just shrug and say, I've seen worse. While I am sure my form looks ridiculous (in general, I am quite ridiculous looking in most things I do), I was pleased.

The roads are far too icy and precarious for me to feel comfortable biking. In the mornings this is troublesome, because my 8 minute bike trip has turned into about a 30 minute trudge (all the while fearing for my life as I inch along the ice rink that is Sapporo in the winter). So on Wednesday morning, I departed the international house early to try to gauge how long it would truly take. For lunch, I was supposed to meet Joshua at 12:30PM. After making the long walk back to my dorm after class, I had some work to finish that I was supposed to read for Koike-sensei's lectures. That morning I had sent Joshua a message letting him know that I would not be able to meet until 1PM, and I was relieved when, as I worked, he responded saying that would be okay. I was supposed to meet him at the north cafeteria, but I have actually only been there once. Not truly knowing its location, I of course got lost. I wandered all the way around the large Engineering Building, and all sorts of roads behind the main street before at last locating the cafeteria--it is literally just a stone's throw off of the main street. As it happened, he had been waiting there since noon! I was confused, because I had contacted him earlier, and very sad to have made him wait for so long. Time is a very precious thing to me, especially recently, and so I felt awful to have wasted somebody else's time. But he was very kind about it. I ate agedashidofu and rice. For a vegetarian, the campus cafeteria's are not too bad--at least they have tofu! In the evening I had my usual Field Bioscience course at 4:30PM. Of course, the walk was quite long to reach the course. It is all the way on the opposite end of campus. But I keep reminding myself to set out extra early. I dislike to be in a hurry, although I frequently am. Walking on slippery ice while stressed and in a hurry, however, is a recipe for disaster which I hope to avoid. The lecture focused on berries! The professor produces and grows raspberries and a strange berry called Haskap. It is dark purple, and similar in shape to a very, very tiny prune. To my surprise, the professor had brought frozen samples of the berries he grows. He passed them around the room for us all to share. It was so refreshing to taste raspberries again. I really love them, and have missed them. I have yet to spot them for sale in the grocery store (now they are out of season anyways) but I imagine that they are quite expensive if the price of strawberries and blueberries is any indication. After class I was supposed to go to the Indian restaurant with Becca, to make up for our rescheduling the day before. I sent her a message, only to learn that she had in fact slipped and fallen on the ice after a day full of tiring errands! She had popped her shoulder out again when she fell! I was so worried for her. But she had made it back to her apartment safely, and so she had company. I offered to come over to help, but she said it was okay. I had halfway expected the dinner to be canceled, knowing that it may be too much (too far to walk, and too precarious in my opinion with one arm). I had not expected the slip, and I desperately wanted to be able to help. I picked up dinner at Aeon. Regrettably, the inarizushi and vegetarian sushi that I usually eat was for the first time not there. I chose something similar, but it turned out to taste old and chewy. It was no good. I made myself swallow as much as I could so as not to cause waste, but boy did it taste bad!

On Thursday morning I had Kanji class in the morning, and track practice at 8PM in the gymnasium. It was also my dad's birthday! I was glad to learn that he safely received the picture book of Japanese farms that I had sent him. The gym is in high demand during the winter, so now and again we must deal with odd practice hours. If I am not mistaken, the workout was a team version of what I have always called "killers." This means you run, touch a line, run back, touch a line, etc. We divided up into groups, and so I was the only girl on my 7 person team. I was the last runner in the order, too. Each person would run three times in a set, after being tagged by the person ahead of them in the order. I was nervous that I would be too slow, but everyone is so encouraging and supportive. Because I stick out like a sore thumb, most of the team knows my name. So when it came to my turn, I could hear the guys on my team cheering just as loudly for me as they had for their other teammates. This really made me smile and to try hard. I remain astounded by the kindness that the team has shown me, not only in welcoming me, but in being patient, explaining things to me, and putting up with my perpetual state of confusion.

On Friday morning (11/29) at 8:45AM I had grammar class. Because I now travel on foot, as opposed to on my speedy bicycle, I did not feel that I would be able to make it all the way back to my dorm and back to the Agricultural building in only an hour and a half. I had brought my laptop with me, knowing this, and hoping to use the time somewhat productively. Originally, I considered going to the library. But after class I felt really hungry. I tried to decide between getting an early lunch or just getting some bread for a snack. I gave in to the idea of Chige-Nabe (basically stewed vegetables with kimchi) from the cafeteria. I walked back to the cafeteria closest to the Agriculture building but it does not open until 11AM. I pulled out my bulky laptop to try to finish some of my essays, but because even a full battery on my laptop dies within about ten minutes, I could do very little. It had begun to flurry again outside. After the cafeteria opened, I ordered the Chige-Nabe, and sat and enjoyed it. Regrettably, as with virtually all Japanese meals, there were meat bits floating about. I felt guilty as I plucked this out. I found myself thinking how disrespectful it is of me to the animal, to waste the meat. At the same time, I have such a strong association between meat and flesh at this point, that I just could not drive myself to eat the pieces of meat. So although I had been looking forward to the meal, in the end it was not so enjoyable because of the guilt of knowing that truly, I had done worse to completely waste the pieces of meat than someone who simply consumes it. I am interested to know what others think of such a connumdrum. Normally, I offer whatever errant meat appears in my food to those around me. In the U.S., I am very stringent about not even eating things cooked with meat broth. In Japan, where fish are apparently vegetables and broth cooked with bones is not a meat product, this is just not possible. Waiters never intentionally mislead me, it is simply that they do not understand how strict I am, and culturally the concept of what counts as meat is not quite the same. I walked over to the Agriculture Building, arriving about 15 minutes too early. I stood outside of the seminar room until Ogura-san appeared and so I followed him in. I am growing accustomed to listening to Koike-sensei's translations at the same time as I attempt to listen to the Japanese, and I look forward to the seminars anyways. I was feeling a little anxious, however, because that evening I was going to attend a thanksgiving party that Diao-san had invited me to at the International House Kita 23. I had asked Becca if she would like to join, and had not yet heard from her. Furthermore, I had hoped to cook some sweet potato pie before going to the get together. As I have my Environmental Science lecture at 4:30 on Fridays, my window of time was limited. I also wanted to fit in a run. After class, Koike-sensei was kind to give me some literature to look over related to the seminar. Then I headed back to the dorm. I decided, heck, why not change into running gear and through a few coins in my pocket so that I could loop by the grocery store on my way back. I needed to pick up marshmallows for the sweet potatoes, and maybe some extra squash. I was not particularly excited about going for my first run in the icy conditions, but slowly made myself change into running clothes. It was snowing heavily as I watched out the window. But in fact the snow helped to cover up the ice and provide decent traction. My legs felt a bit tired, but happy to be running, and gradually (as always) I was began to enjoy myself. I made a simple circle around the outside of campus, looking like a lunatic for being out running on the snowy/icy streets. As I learned the next day, one of the Hokudai distance runners spotted me running, I was pleased to learn! She had recognized me from a distance, she later informed me. By the time I was looping back towards Aeon, though I felt somewhat silly looking, I was enjoying my first true winter run. I felt even more goofy, looking sweaty and wearing my running tights and all black running clothes walking through the grocery store. I'm sure there were many stares. But it saved a lot of time just to add the grocery store to my run. As I was picking out marshmallows, I perceived an older Japanese man observing me. I tried to appear unconcerned. He seemed to be thinking about saying something. Just as I thought he might turn his cart to leave, he turned and addressed me in what I can only assume was Italian. The only word I understood was the Italian for Japanese (if it was indeed Italian). I told him apologetically, in Japanese, that I spoke English. In retrospect, I should have switched to Spanish to see if we could have met half-way linguistically. I am sure he had wanted to practice another language, and to be honest I would have been happy to humor him. I don't really mind giving others a chance to practice another language. I get to practice Japanese all day, anyways! I walked back to the dorm, then started making the sweet potato/squash. I finished just in time, a little before 4PM, and packed up my backpack, put the dish in a bag then headed off towards class. Koike-sensei was the lecturer that evening, and I was happy about this. He is such a cheerful man. I got to class very early. When Koike-sensei arrived, he struck up a long conversation with Diao-san and I. Koike-sensei, as I have mentioned, can talk for a very long time, and is quite animated. He actually continued to converse past the start of class! I enjoyed his lecture, and was both flattered and sheepish when he would refer to me while presenting in connection to the research that I will be hopefully participating in. Midway through class I finally received a message from Becca on my phone. I glanced down at it, and could only see a piece. But from that start of the sentence, I could sense the content and steeled myself before looking at the full content. She stated that unfortunately, no, she would not be coming with to the Thanksgiving party (I had expected this), and that she needed to tell me that she would be flying home to the United States departing on Sunday (I had not expected this, but sensed its inevitability). I did not know what to think, and tried to keep focused on the lecture. I felt so sad for Becca and her predicament, and knew that I would miss her. I asked her if at some point I could come over to help. After class I walked with Diao-san to the International House 23, with Becca's message on my mind. I really enjoyed walking with Diao-san, and I had of course been looking forward to spending the evening cooking with her, and contributing to the food for the Thanksgiving party. But I was so worried for Becca, as well. I spent some time in the kitchen, toasting the marshmallows on the squash and then assisting as I could in chopping vegetables and bread for stuffing. But I felt so torn. I could not stop thinking about the sudden news that Becca would be leaving. As I friend, I felt that I should go to her. If she would be leaving on Sunday, I told myself, I ought to go to her. I could not decide what to do. I stayed as long as I could helping to cook, and then I felt so bad to tell Diao-san that I had to leave, but truly I felt that I needed to. I felt equally bad for worrying everyone, and especially Diao-san who is so sweet and considerate. I left my sweet potatoes, and told Diao-san to please enjoy it and that I was so sorry to leave them, but that they should all have a wonderful evening. I tried to walk quickly on the icy streets. I did not know what to do, but all I wanted to do was to help. I was picturing Becca, and how upset I would be if I were her. So guided solely by my worry, I hurried into a supermarket. Becca had said she wanted to try to create a Christmas atmosphere in her apartment, so I searched for Christmas themed decorations and ran through the supermarket grabbing anything that looked delicious enough that it would maybe offer some comfort. I ended up with quite a few baguettes, a chocolate cake, chocolate bread, etc. I tried to hurry to navigate over to the apartment but of course got lost. I was so frustrated to be lost. I tried so hard to find the apartment on my own. It is a little bit tucked away, and so even though I can always locate the correct intersection, in the dark I am never able to find the right spot. I circled and wandered around the same set of blocks, even looking on my phone GPS to try to pin point the right turn, but to no avail. I spent about half an hour lost, and growing more and more cold. I finally gave up and, very hesitantly and regretfully called Becca. I hadn't wanted to bother her, and was embarrassed nonetheless. I feel as though everyone is starting to get rather annoyed that I always have trouble finding the apartment, but I do wish they would be patient. I could tell she was perhaps exasperated when I explained I was lost, but trying hard to make my way there. Somehow, I made it. I had been excited to give Becca the gifts I had bought to maybe offer some help and cheer, but when I walked in she already had so many Christmas decorations. I was surprised! And admittedly a little sad, because the help that I try so hard to give always ends up falling short. I was also, if I am honest, really sad to learn of her story of recreating Christmas morning for Kotaro, how they had all eaten breakfast together, and the interactions with everyone in the apartment(s). I felt a jab in my heart--that yes, indeed, it is as I foresaw. There is much that I will be left out of, and have been left out of. All I have ever wanted is to be included and I am so sensitive to being left out. Recently, because of the move, I have felt so very left behind and left out. I know that is not (hopefully) anyone's intention. But it is the reality. Becca has so many troubles of her own, I do not wish to bog her down with these thoughts of mine, but they have a way of showing themselves on my face nonetheless, or coming out in different ways. She did not seem overly distraught by the situation, though I know that Becca is very strong and does not easily become upset, and explained that it was necessary for her to go back to get proper surgery for her shoulder. As I mentioned, I am of course sad that she will be gone, but understand completely and wish her the best. We went upstairs after a bit, and I ate the hasty inarizushi I had grabbed for dinner, since I had not eaten yet. We all ate the cake, and I was glad to have it shared with so many people. We watched some movies that Zenta-san and Becca enjoy, and a very nice friend of Zenta and Kotaro-san's, nicknamed Daru-san was there. She seems very sweet. I did not find the movies quite as hilarious as everyone else, but I was happy that they enjoyed them so much. It began to get late, and I knew I would have early practice so I told Becca eventually that I would need to leave after just one more card game. During the card games, it has ended up that I am teamed up with Becca in order to compensate for my ineptitude. Kotaro-san suggested this, but in actuality I would rather try to fend for myself. That would be the only real way for me to improve. But I am not much of a card player anyways, so I suppose I do not mind too much. When I stood up to go, I was actually very sad that no one really gave a very animated goodbye. That is mostly just me being self-conscious, but I still felt a little stiffed in my self-consciousness, as though it didn't matter if I left. Worse yet, I was faced with the long, very cold and lonely walk back to the dorm. I dread this, and resent it greatly. It is a constant reminder of just how left out I truly am, even if, as I have said, that is not be the direct intention of anyone. I was so angry and sad walking back. I kept telling myself, I knew this would happen, and that I knew that such an apartment arrangement with me living so far away would lead to this. I could feel the reality of the situation, which I had predicted to myself, playing out before me. And this made me sad, a little bitter and over all hurt. I could see the same situation that has occurred numerous times in my life once more unfolding.

On Saturday morning I had track practice at yet another new location. To my immense relief, Hanako-san said that she would meet me at the Sapporo station platform and ride the subway with me, knowing that I would probably not know how to reach the location. I was quite surprised when she sent me a message saying to meet her at 9:30AM. I thought certainly there was some mistake, because usually I have to be up and at the station by about 8AM. I woke up at about 6:30AM somewhat panicked after forgetting to set an alarm and sent her a message to double check the time. Sure enough, she told me that was correct. So it ended up feeling much more relaxed, and I felt much more rested when I reached the station. I made it to the correct platform and was very excited to see Hanako-san as she came down the stairs to greet me. She has been such a help to me. I asked her what the workout would be, and presented her with perhaps my most incredulous face yet when she informed me that middle distance would be doing 5x2000m. She sensed my hesitation, and told me that the sprinters would be doing 4x400m, and that probably I should join them. Usually, I am all for a challenge. But even I know my limits. I seriously doubt that I would have successfully completed 5x2000m going at the constant pace of 'as fast as possible.' I felt so bad selecting the sprinter workout, however, because if I do not run the middle distance workout, then Hanako-san is the only girl. But there was no avoiding it this time, and Hanako-san really seemed to agree. We practiced in what is called the Tsuudomu, also known as the Community Dome/Center. It is a dome, like the metrodome, with turf inside, tennis courts in the middle, stands, and a narrow track that circles around the second level. Mostly, it was just packed. There were middle-schoolers, other teams, and a multitude of tennis players all over the place. Warming up was a struggle as we snaked through tennis matches and narrowly evaded errant tennis balls aimed our way by middle schoolers. Eventually we were told to stop running around on the ground level amongst the tennis players, and so we did our best to do drills underneath the stands. The reason we had met late, I gradually learned, was because you can only use the upper track for speed workouts at specific times. So we actually did not end up starting the 400s until 11AM. All of the sprinters were divided into teams of about 8. To my surprise, all of us girls were not put on one team but distributed amongst the guys. This made me a little nervous (because I am so self-conscious that I am just about the slowest I have ever been right now) but also excited. At St. Olaf, the men's and women's teams always practiced completely separately. But here we are often all lumped together. So this was a chance for me to run with the guys. When our team was divided up and collected (team 1!), they all groaned realizing that they were all very short sprinters and had somehow ended up on the same team. Since we were doing 400s, I found this amusing. They bemoaned the fact that they would together form a quite slow bunch over what to a short sprinter is a long distance. I piped up that at least they had me! And pointed out that actually I am mostly a middle distance runner, so I would do my best to even out the odds. Of course, I had to follow up this statement with the fact that I am not very fast right now. I was the 6th runner in the group. The workout was 2 sets of 2x400s in a relay style with a runner from each team going at the same time, much like a race. We had about 10 minutes to recover between the sets. The speeds all varied individually because they were at the eternal pace of "as fast as possible", and so we would become quite separated out, but it was fun nonetheless. You would keep the time for the runner that was two places ahead of you. Then jump over the fence around the running lanes, tap hands with the incoming runner and take off. The lanes were all so packed with other teams and runners doing their workouts, it was a little harrowing to try to sprint full out, but still fun. One lap around the lanes was conveniently 400m. My times were snail pace, compared to what they should have been. In fact, my 400m splits in my 800s are faster than the times I ran my legs in. My times hovered around the humiliating time of 70 seconds. There was a time when I could run a 65 second 400m without feeling too out of breath. But at least I'm getting to run! And I am hopeful that right now the problem is mostly just my lack of muscle. Generally my legs tire before my breathing. I also (I must hope!) was not properly warmed up, as evidenced by the fact that my last 400m was the fastest. And I had quite a bit of energy left at the end, so I joined a group of guys who were throwing in an extra 300m just for fun at the end. I told them all they need not worry about losing, because as a favor to them I would lose. But I was still just happy for the chance to run around. During the sprinter workout, I could occasionally spy Hanako-san as she pushed on in her seemingly endless 2000m. I tried to cheer for her especially when she passed by. After my 300m, I managed to find her just after she had finished her last 2000m and offered to cool down with her. I told her as we ran that for me, I am such a strange mix of sprinter/mid-distance. The long distance workouts are just beyond my limits, but the sprinter workouts are not quite enough to wear me down (and I'm not quick enough anyways), so sometimes I would sneak my way into being a rabbit for other people's workouts after I finished my own in order to gain a little extra workout. The main goal in doing this, of course, is because I really like to help others as much as I can to get through what can be difficult workouts especially on your own. So I informed her that if she ever needs someone to be a rabbit, she can feel free to call on me. Hopefully she will! I had told Becca that I would meet her for one last meal at the Indian restaurant, but after learning how late practice would start, asked her if 1:30PM would still be okay. I knew that because of the subway ride and late start I would not be back before 1:30. Luckily, this was okay with her. When I got off the subway, I was right in front of a Mister Donut so I bought one for each of us. I met her at Sapporo Station and we walked together to the Indian restaurant. It has been a little while since we were able to go, and I was so glad to be back. The food there is my favorite. Becca explained to the owner that she would not be around for a while, and he told her that when she comes back, she can have a free meal. Afterwards, I went with Becca through the station to try to help pick out souvenirs for her family. After successfully finding items (and suffering through the sauna-like temperatures of the heated stores), we sat down at a Starbucks to get an iced drink, cool down, and eat our donuts. I told her that she is truly fulfilling her role of Frodo in the Fulbright Fellowship. Her shoulder injury and return to the U.S. to recover is all too similar to Frodo being stabbed by the Ringwraith and recuperating at Rivendell. Because I needed to pick up my water bottle from her apartment/Kotaro and the guy's place, she asked if I would not just want to walk back with her. We took the subway a few stops to minimize the icy walk and risk of Becca slipping on the dangerous sidewalks. At the apartment(s), I helped Becca pack some. Kotaro cooked noodles upstairs, but unfortunately there was hamburger on the top. And I wasn't too hungry, to be honest. I was very kind of him to cook, but I just did not want to eat it and I felt bad for causing trouble. I tried to offer it to their new roommate, Simon, and fortunately he was happy to eat it. But I felt that perhaps I had frustrated Kotaro by not wanting to eat it. He said he would make me some without meat, but I did not want him to have to do this. There was no stopping him though. Indeed, I have felt a little edgy around Kotaro since the whole move. Apparently, as far as I can surmise, he is frustrated that I do not feel welcome and this is coming off to me as impatience. It is equally frustrating to me, however, because impatience makes me feel even less comfortable with the whole situation. Outside it had really started to snow hard, and it was piling up on the sidewalks and streets. We played cards for a while longer, but Zenta-san had underclassmen coming over to visit, and folks were smoking and drinking in the crowded apartment so luckily Becca and I went back downstairs to finish up her packing. She talked with me as she packed and I mostly just sat, observed, listened to music, and did my best to converse. Around 9:30PM, I started to hint that I should head back to the dorm. At one point, Becca had suggested that maybe I could just stay the night. Because of the heavy snow outside, I really was frustrated about the long walk ahead of me trudging through deep snow. It usually takes about 50 minutes on foot to get back, after all. As the guys were all getting a bit rowdy upstairs and probably planning to be up late, Becca said I wouldn't be able to stay upstairs, and since the main room of her apartment is not heated, it would be too cold to stay there so I would have to walk home. This actually really, truly hurt my feelings. When the whole idea of moving had initially been brought up, Becca had assured me and comforted me regarding the situation that of course her apartment would be like "our" apartment and I was always welcome there. This situation with the snow and being sent home drove home the reality that I had always tried to explain to her-- how can I possibly feel welcome any time knowing that I will not know when and when I cannot stay over? How can I possibly feel welcome when there is always the possibility that I will be sent on a long walk home, late at night, in the cold and a winter storm? Towards the end of our conversation, I tried to hint that I felt that Kotaro-san has recently been rather short with me, which I have interpreted as frustration or dislike. She told me, in what I felt was an exasperated tone, that it is probably because of what I mentioned above--that he may be annoyed that I feel unwelcome. But honest to goodness, I have been so hurt by the whole arrangement, I do not know how any normal person would not remain feeling uncomfortable and unwanted. Now everyone is living together except me. Everyone can laugh, stay up late, plays cards, go to dinner together, and not worry about the long walk ahead of them. I alone make the long walk home, in the cold and by myself, often late at night. I tried to hint at how I would like to be able to stay the night. Secretly, I wanted to say that I found it so inconsiderate--that the reality of Becca and Kotaro living together as a "couple" is the main point of my discomfort and hurt. I have been traded in. And worst of all, because they are a couple, they have the warm bedroom and in the instance of a snowstorm, there is no place for me to go. Their relationship trumps my friendship--at least, that is how things have played out, even if no one but me is aware of it. I came so very near to explaining this, but did not want to upset Becca the night before she would be leaving. I am sure that her shoulder injury has been so difficult for her, and the necessity of returning to the United States for surgery cannot be easy on her. I did not want to bring up my sadness, or to cause a dour atmosphere, but that was the result. Parting, standing at the stairs as she walked back up to the apartment, I was shocked that our parting before she heads back would be so brief. I thought surely she would want to say goodbye for the time, or at least share I hug. I asked her if, at the least, I could give her a hug. She will be going home for a whole month and a half. Over the time we have been here in Japan together, I had thought that we had formed a close friendship. I had been expecting to share a goodbye with her. But there was not much of one, though I tried to wish her well. Setting off in the deep snow, in the cold and the dark by myself for the second night in a row I was so sad and frustrated. I trudged along, the snow pouring into my boots and freezing my toes. Of course, in fairness I know only my own thoughts and my own perspective on the story. If nothing else, however, by half way through my long walk I was comforted some by the beauty of the snow even if it was cold pushing through it. When I got back, I at long last changed out of my running clothes. I had worn them all day, because I had met Becca at the station directly after practice. Therefore, I had felt stinky, hot and uncomfortable in my workout clothes and wanted greatly to take them off. I took a shower to warm up and feel less disgusting. I fell asleep while holding my phone to set an alarm.

On Sunday (12/2) morning I had 9:15AM track practice. When I woke up, I was very cold because my heavy blankets always slide off my bed onto the ground in my sleep. I also remain stubborn about turning on my heater. During the night it gets down to about 27 F, but even without turning on my heater it stays a liveable temperature in my room. I just wear layers. The only troublesome time is in the morning, and the difficult step of emerging from my blankets. The first thing I did when I woke up was to send a message to Becca. I really had wanted to see her off, or to go with her to the airport. But she told me that I should not worry about it, and that she did not want to take up my time. Really it would not have been a trouble, but a relief for me to get to say goodbye. At least, though, it meant I would be able to attend practice. I guessed that it would be at the gym near the track, because Hanako-san had mentioned that the workout would be weightlifting. I suited up and headed out into the snow. Because of the heavy snow the night before, everything was blanketed in white. There is probably about a foot and a half of snow on the ground now, and as it was early in the morning when I set out, in was mostly unbroken. As beautiful as the snow is, now that I am always on foot, I am more fully comprehending how inconvenient it can be. Especially when I have a long walk. But I have still not mastered the art of estimating how long a walk will take in the snow. I either arrive extremely early, or cut it close to being late--I have not yet found the right amount of time to allocate. When entering, everyone says 'ohaiyou gozaimasu' (good morning) to the teammates present, or konnichiha (hello) if it is the evening.As a side note, when leaving the track or workout facility, many of the members also turn back at the exit and bow to the track, even. I really like this philosophy--I think, though I am not certain, that it is meant to say thank you to the track. After meeting in the Circle Kaikan (Club/Activity Circle Meeting building), we waded through the snow over to the gym next door. There were six girls present that day, and so we divided into two groups of three. I was familiar with many of the lifting exercises, but regrettably very weak compared to the other two girls, who were able to lift much more than I--although I could not tell you how much weight, because everything is in kg and not pounds! I have so little muscle, it is just embarrassing. I strongly dislike the feeling, and I feel like a burden to have to keep removing weight from the bars, then putting them back on, when it is only me who is too weak. But I do really like all of the girls on the team, and both Tomomi-san and Toi-san, who were in my group, were very patient with me despite the fact that I could never say how much I could lift (because of the conversion and my long lifting hiatus) so we had to keep experimenting with weights. I just want to be able to do everything that everyone else can do. I just want to be fast, or at least fast enough not to embarrass myself. But that frustration does not outshine how happy I am to have been so kindly welcomed. I did my best through all the lifts, until one of my great enemies in the world of weight lifting, the deadlift, came up. Physically, whether it is because of the way my bones and limbs are put together or if it is just because I lack flexibility, or a combination, I really struggle to do the movement. It is not that the weight is to heavy, or that the movement is especially hard; I simply cannot move in that way, just like some people can roll their tongues and others can't. So even though everyone tried assiduously to show me the correct form, I could not replicate it. That was quite humiliating, and I could not properly explain. After that struggle, Tomomi-san and Toi-san directed me to the treadmill where some of the sprinters were doing short intervals at high speeds and with a slight incline. We could choose how long and how fast to run, and I decided to attempt running for 1 minute at the same speed as the 400m runner before me, just as she had done. Regrettably, I am still out of shape and could feel my legs giving way at 50 seconds and so as not to fly off the tread mill, I jumped off at 50 seconds (we had agreed beforehand that I would go as long as I could before I felt like I would fall off). After practice was dismissed, I enjoyed sitting and talking with some of the girls while they tried to help one of the faster girls with a potential calf injury. They are all so cheerful and friendly, and we all collected our stuff from the locker room (actually just the shower/bathroom since there is no women's locker room, as you may remember) and walked together for a ways. I am hoping one day to take them up on their invitations to go along to eat, or spend time together. Right now I feel rather stressed and pulled in many directions so I had to force myself to decline. But their kindness really does make me smile and I can't wait to join them all. Today, by the way, I learned the Japanese words for lactic acid and oxygen (nyuusan and sansou). My Japanese vocabulary may end up with a strong bias towards track and field terminology. This is because I finally mentioned to the 400m runner, Rinko-san, who was using the treadmill with me that lactic acid can build up after sprinting and that it is probably not a good idea for us to stand still after sprinting. On my team, it was always strongly encouraged not to stop moving immediately after a sprint or an interval. Rather, you should jog during the rest to keep your legs warm and loose. Almost everyone here, however, really stops moving between sets, some even flopping down on the ground at the end. It makes me cringe when I see this, because I have always been told to keep moving even if you want to sit down. It is important to help your legs recover, and to breath. I tried to explain the build up of lactic acid in Japanese, and somehow was actually successful. So Rinko-san jogged around with me, and we exchanged vocabulary. Another runner, Moe-san, joined us and she happened to know the Japanese word for lactic acid. Hence, my new-found knowledge. Feeling quite happy, I parted ways with them and headed back towards the International House through the snow. But the sky had turned blue and the sun was out, so I enjoyed the walk. I was still nervous about Becca's flight, and had not heard much from her. I decided to go pick up lunch and groceries at Aeon. I ran into two Chinese exchange students from the dorm on the little path headed to Aeon and walked with them there. Then I went upstairs to seek out potential winter boots or winter sweaters to keep me warm in my dorm. When I came back downstairs I bought inarizushi for lunch. But the food court area was completely packed and there was absolutely no place to sit down to eat lunch. I stood around an waited anxiously for a table to open up. A very large one, consisting of tables all pushed together, became open and I hurried to claim a spot. A group of three also had their eyes on the table, and they asked if they could use the other ones. I said of course. But all the tables remained pushed a little too close together for my comfort and I felt self-conscious. Sure enough, one of the ladies addressed me and tried to strike up a conversation with me in English. Her English was actually perfect, and I think she was just trying to be friendly, but really when it comes to eating lunch after a workout, I would prefer to be left in peace. But I tried to politely answer the string of routine questions (where are you from? how long have you been here? Are you a student? Oh, I see you must be a vegetarian). I found it especially nice that she explained she would have offered me some of the gyoza the three were eating, except she surmised correctly from my meal that I am a vegetarian. I ate up, then after picking up some melon-pan for later headed back to dorm. I was glad to receive a few more messages from Becca informing me that she had made it to Tokyo successfully and would be boarding her plane home soon. It is still sinking in that she will be gone for so long. Once back, it was already about 2PM. I drank some milk with my melon-pan, then tried to snag a quick nap and finish things. At 6:30PM, I was to meet Joshua at the International Student Center to eat dinner. I told myself to leave the dorm by 5:50PM at the latest because I was not sure how long the walk would take. Now that there is snow, it is less icy, but still very slippery and perilous in places. Walking in the crisp, dark evening, I actually felt quite comfortable. The temperature has been hanging around 30 F, which with the correct arrangement of clothes is really pleasant. I ended up reaching the ISC with plenty of time to spare, by about 6:15 in fact. I stood at the entrance and watched the very empty main street, and the dark sky. Flocks of crows passed overhead, sitting for a time in the trees, but always circling anew. It was quiet, which I always look forward to in winter, and I could hear each rustle of their feathers as they swooped into the dark branches. Joshua pulled up on his bike, very bundled in clothes. I do worry for him in the cold, because being from a warm country he is not accustomed to the winter as I am. But he has a very positive attitude towards it. It was left up to me to name a place to eat. The cafeterias on campus are inconveniently closed on weekends, after all. I had tried to think of a place nearby while walking to the ISC. At first I did not think I would be able to think of anything that I felt was close enough, but then I remembered a restaurant that always catches my eye at the exit gates just past the ISC. It is strung up with Christmas lights recently. It only took a few minutes to reach. I was relieved when we entered and it was actually quite spacious, with large wooden tables and benches. I am guessing that since it is just outside of the campus gates it must cater to many students, especially international students and clubs. The menu was fortunately also large, although my options are as usual very limited. I ended up with Wakame Udon (basically seaweed udon). I do enjoy talking with Joshua, though I am not an especially talkative person--I don't usually feel that I have much new information to share. The Udon was a nice warm up, though, and kept me feeling comfortable in the cool air on the walk back. When I returned, I attempted again to work on my applications but mostly procrastinated.

As a whole, I think that I have become quite adjusted to life in Sapporo. With the exception of the chilly mornings in my room, I am growing accustomed to the cold again. Though I must say that the weather here rivals Minnesota in its unpredictability. I doubted those who warned me of the cold here in Hokkaido, and I have yet to see a truly frigid day, but they were right about the snow. There is a lot. Sometimes it melts down to bare pavement again, but you can be sure that there will be snow fall by the next day. Meanwhile, I am wishing Becca the speediest and easiest of recoveries in the U.S. She will be back in Sapporo before I know it, I have full faith. If all goes well, by January even! I think that she is a very strong young lady, and despite the many difficult situations that have been thrown her way over the past few months, she has handled them with great poise and positivity. I am wishing for her that, when she arrives back in Sapporo, it will be with renewed vigor, a refreshed mind, and a hale body. Her return home was so sudden, it will likely take time for me to fully process. I will certainly miss her while she is gone. But I must also remember to use this time to grow, and to become more independent. Everything remains an adventure, for which I will never cease to be grateful. There have been bumps in the road, but that does not detract from the overall incredible opportunity I have had thus far. So although I have gone to great lengths to describe the events of these past few weeks, which sometimes include rocky patches, I am extremely happy. I describe my reactions mostly for the sake of good record-keeping! I miss my friends and family in the U.S., of course, but not a day goes by that I do not feel incredibly lucky to be here.