Mick's GeekBlog

ifAIL

Posted by Mick on January 27, 2010 – 8:29 pm

Apple unveiled the iPad today. I am less than impressed. It looks like the bastard child of a Kindle and an iPodTouch. Of course, the Apple faithful are creaming themselves over the idea. That doesn’t mean you have to.

Let’s get something straight. Contrary to what one of my students said last week when he thought I couldn’t see his chat, I am not a Microsoft “fanboy”. I’m a trainer. I primarily train on Microsoft products. Of course I’m going to know and use Microsoft products. And as far as desktop and laptop systems go, I will continue to run Microsoft because it’s flexible. I like the flexibility of picking my hardware, picking my software, having the control that the PC environment gives me.

I love my iPod. I love my iPhone. I don’t want a Windows phone, I don’t want a Zune. I’m all about the right tool for the right job.

What’s the right job for an iPad? Looking at the unveiling, I have to say, it’s just a bigger and bulkier iPod Touch. It has one big advantage over the iTouch, though. You will be able to get a data plan from AT&T, freeing you from always having to find a WiFi hotspot. So it’s great for watching video (that you have to buy from Apple). It’s great for reading books (that you buy from the new iBook store). Still, key words – BIGGER. BULKIER. Too big to go in my pocket. Not functional enough to replace a laptop or NetBook, especially with no real keyboard.

At this point, the folks at Amazon have to be worried. The iPad might just kill the Kindle market.

I don’t see anyone else really caring. It still will not run Flash. It doesn’t appear to multitask apps. It has no USB ports or SD card slots. And it costs $500 for the 16GB version. $600 for 32GB. $700 for 64GB.

I’m sticking with my plan to buy a NetBook. Sorry, Steve. The iPhone was a game changer. The iPad isn’t. I’m not saying I wouldn’t like one, I’m saying it’s overpriced for a gadget that doesn’t fit in my lifestyle. No matter how pretty it is. And it is pretty. The geek in me is salivating a little just thinking about it. But it’s like dating a stripper. You want it, you want it bad. But once you’ve used it a time or two the glitter wears off, it won’t do the things you want it to do, and it’s just another bad decision that you have to live with.

If anyone wants to prove me wrong, I’m open to that. All you have to do is buy me one. I’m more than willing to give it a field test. Maybe I could write on it. I’d be willing to give it a try, but something tells me I’ll have a hard time doing any serious writing on an “on-screen” keyboard.

And for the record, I never actually dated a stripper. That doesn’t mean I haven’t seen it done.

It’s Wednesday and I still haven’t blogged about Super Happy Fun Monkey Bash. That needs to be rectified. I’m going to take a quick break, get some more coffee, and I’ll be right back. Amuse yourself with this little diversion.

I’m not sure what that is, but it makes me happy. So very happy.

And I’m back. Super Happy Fun Monkey Bash. What is it? It’s 90 minutes of fun from the Orient. Every year for the past 8 years Tony Salvaggio brings stacks and stacks of televised goodness from Japan to Tim League, and Tim goes through it picking out the funniest, weirdest, most outrageous, brain exploding awesomeness, edits it all together, and presents it for our viewing pleasure. And every year, it gets a little more bizarre. Super Happy Fun Monkey Bash 2010 is no exception. I laughed so hard it hurt. Tara laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe. The wonderful and amazing Dshanya looked like she was going to explode.

It was funny is what I’m trying to say.

I did hear a few complaints as we were leaving. One girl said it best when she said “It didn’t used to have so much bestiality and ass rape”. I’m saying that was a complaint because of the tone of her voice. I would have said “Wow, it’s even better than last year. It didn’t used to have enough bestiality and ass rape”.

DISCLAIMER: The ass rape and the bestiality were mostly the same thing. And as far as I could tell, no actual penetration was involved. It was just “suggested” bestial ass rape. It’s not nearly as bad as it sounds. Whatever images you have in your mind right now, I feel compelled to remind you at this point that everything we watched actually aired on Japanese television. Many of these shows are quite popular. Besides, Tara was laughing. Had it been ACTUAL ass rape, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have laughed. A chuckle, maybe. But not a laugh.

Dshanya would have laughed. She’s twisted like that.

And besides, that was just a tiny portion, a fraction, a drop in the bucket of awesome. There were boobies too. And there were more scenes of men torturing themselves trying to get to see boobies than there were boobies. And the pre-show has a clip from Panda Z. Panda Z is awesome. Don’t tell the wife, but I just bought the complete collection. They showed it last year, and I loved it. They showed it this year, and I loved it even more. As I was writing the sentence about how awesome it was, I couldn’t help it. I looked it up on Amazon, there it was, complete collection (6 DVD’s). What would you do? Get it now, you know you want it.