why not end it

my mom is coming over tomorrow, and I'm thinking maybe tomorrow just before she arrives I would swallow all my pills...then let her in when she buzzes my appartment and tell her I don't feel well so I'll go lay down...she wouldnt suspect a thing until it would be too late...and in the same thing she could take care of my baby piggies...they wouldn't starve to death that way....

Why does life have to be about pain? I'm tired of the pain, and no one helping me...no one really cares...I can barely take care of myself...everything is a mess...I'm a poor existence of a person...why not end it...

yeah because god forbid I put my family through pain...me being in pain is okay but my family in pain is a big no no right...I'm tired of people using others over themselves...its about time I thought of myself first...I've done that all my life thinking about others...not to hurt anyone, not to offend etc...but what about me? I'm not worthy of being relieved? Am I condemned to be in pain for the rest of my life?

yeah because god forbid I put my family through pain...me being in pain is okay but my family in pain is a big no no right...I'm tired of people using others over themselves...its about time I thought of myself first...I've done that all my life thinking about others...not to hurt anyone, not to offend etc...but what about me? I'm not worthy of being relieved? Am I condemned to be in pain for the rest of my life?

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I'm sure you're a beautiful and smart person. You probably have a lot going for you, just give it a few more years...for yourself.

i would know you've been in pain....and that you answered in anger very quickly

no i wont tell you any thing about family pain

your personal pain too matters....

i remember you writing about helping others outside of this forum...i do know you think of others and sometimes that has put things not so well for you

but i think i also see a person who in life makes the world a much better place

how can you stay
well..... i think for some of us will come a time in which we will be there.... some important time when it really matters we will experience some random thing the helps others that if we hadnt been there it would have been a major thing....

i think staying for you and your presense is most important
sorry i dont know a better way to say it....i dont write much anywhere