US High School bans Arabic Against All Odds

In light of the recent decision by a New York school superintendent to ban the Arabic version of the Pledge of Allegiance, despite it's recognition of international language week, I thought it necessary to reassure student body president Andrew Zink, the school principal , concerned parents and all confused classmates that school would not be school as they know it without Arabic. Now, if we can't have Arabic infiltrating our vocabulary at school, there will unfortunately be immediate layoffs in the math department. Any Algebra class will have to of course be canceled as Algebra is not only an Arabic word, it was a gift to the West from Arabs.

While that may not sound too bad to the students who throughly dislike Algebra, there are certain trade-offs necessary to ensure your schools new Best Practices.

If, by chance, there are computers anywhere in the school, those will will have to be trashed, as algorithm is also a word of Arabic origin.

Lay-offs, however we least of worries for the math department as they will have to reinvent the wheel so to speak, as the very concept of zero is Arabic, originating from Indian Muslims. While that may a small price pay to ensure The academic verbiage of your school is free of Arabic taint, I do not believe the teachers, parents, or staff will be anywhere as functional without coffee that is Arabic or alcohol which is also Arabic. There can, of course be no sugar, much less candy, as both of those Arabic word as well. The principle did do well in some respects, as both hashish and assassins will also fall under this vernacular boycott, and will therefore be prohibited.

Should the ROTC have any class of Admiral, they must go, taking any almanacs and any documents made by a program known as Adobe with them, as these are all Arabic words. Paychecks must also cease, as check is Arabic, as is cotton which may create a problematic dress code, as is cable, which may cause issues with whatever network is left after computers or any device using binary programming has been tossed, as there cannot be binary without the concept of zero.

The cafeteria must be purged of apricots, argon, artichokes, carrots, carafes, cumin, jars, juleps, lemons, limes, mochas, oranges, saffron, scallions, sesame, sherbet, spinach, and syrup, in addition to the previously mentioned sugar, coffee, and candy, as all of these are Arabic words. Any elixirs or gauze or canes the might be in the nurses office must also be tossed. The music department must trash any guitars, tambourines, lutes or flutes, as these are also all Arabic words.

Student body pres. will also be happy to learn that there can be no more garbling of the morning announcements as garble is Arabic. Should there be any jasmines or lilac growing around the school those must be exterminated as would jerboas, gazelles, Salukis, giraffes, or ghouls running around, as those are all Arabic words. The Theatre would probably cease to exist, or go naked, without sequins, as they will also be banned as will anything mohair or Crimson Any reams of paper or desks with lacquer must also be trashed with any sofas, along with any tennis rackets or chess rooks, but the sheriff could not help because even sheriff is an Arabic word.

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