Junk Food Makes Young Guys Infertile, Study Says

Scientists probably don’t conduct studies to promote chalupas as passive birth control. Still, young, sexually active men who want to do discourage their sperm from making them fathers may justify eating more fast food due to findings that junk food can lower the quality of sperm.

The Sun reports a study by Harvard University and a Spanish institution found that men ages 18 to 22 who ate a high amount of junk food were less fertile than others. Regardless of physical fitness, the poor eaters produced sperm that was less likely to survive on the way to egg fertilization.

A Japanese study also released this week found men who exercised moderately produce more durable sperm than those who didn’t. Rarely is there so much encouraging news for those who fear fatherhood and want to justify lounging around and munching fries.

Given that it’s a common joke (and true in some cases) that male MMO addicts often prefer to continue gaming rather than experience live, in-person human contact with a willing female … yeah, having an MMORPG subscription can be pretty effective in preventing children. Until there’s a power outage.

At least I was married! I like to think of it as a jumpstart on life, so I won’t be one of those 60-year-old guys with a kid in High School. Now I just have to live long enough and save enough $ to enjoy my retirement, sine I’ve “front-loaded” my life. Which I’m sure will greatly reduce my lifetme earnings/success. Ah well.

If I could take a pill once a month to make sure my boys couldn’t swim, I’d be all about it. I’d make a terrible father at this juncture in my life, I’m not ready and I don’t want to place extra stress on my loved ones.

I find that by the time I’ve finished my eleventh courage cocktail at the bar, and I finally take off my ski mask, the whole issue of birth control becomes a moot point. The few women who still want to sleep with me are usually so horribly mutated that I suspect conception would be impossible. Also, I drink vodka and Mountain Dews and wear a thong to keep my tadpole count low, just in case.