Tag Archives: parents

My whole life I wanted to be a mother. I cared for my one baby doll as if it were a child. My desire for mothering was intense. After the formalities of getting a college education and a husband were precluded I set my sights on the biggest longing of my heart… a child.

After years of infertility, my husband and I struggled with how we would grow our family. The choices of more infertility treatments and adoption were both viable and expensive. It was during this time that the question was posed to me, Continue reading →

When I hear the words Forever Parents it brings up warm feelings of family , love, and perseverance.

In May of 2002 Lizzie became part of our forever family. Many parents who have been blessed to have added children to their family through adoption celebrate the day their child officially takes their last name.

In our case it was our second adoption. Having adopted Job eighteen months earlier we were familiar with the adoption proceedings and formalities. But this adoption was different. Continue reading →

If someone you know is dealing with infertility, chances are you do not know it. The statistics state that 1 in 8 women are infertile and the overall statistic for infertility increases when you include male factor infertility. Infertility is a silent disease (and it is considered a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act).

Unlike other medical conditions, infertility is considered a personal matter of which many couples do not discuss with family or friends. In addition, the debate about whether the desire to have a child is a “lifestyle” choice instead of a “major life activity” continues. Ask anyone who has experienced infertility and they will tell you that having a child is not a lifestyle choice. Continue reading →

While listening to the radio after dropping the kids off at school a few weeks back, I heard a group of city and school officials for the major metropolitan area in which I live talking about parents involvement in their children’s education. They all unanimously said that the biggest factor in the success of children in school was parental involvement.

I immediately perked up and listened. I have tried to be involved with my children’s schooling since they were babies in the on-sight daycare center here at work. I joined every volunteer group the daycare had, and have sat on the board of directors (it’s a not-for-profit facility and the board handles the books) for almost as many years as my children have been enrolled.

Now that my son (and next year my daughter) are off to elementary school, I have tried to volunteer my time there as well. I am in my second year of serving on the Principal’s Advisory Council, made of up parents from each of the grades, and I have been offering my help to the computer teacher as she tries to come up with a plan for upgrading the school’s computers without breaking the budget.

Every night, I sit down with my children and go through their homework. I check every paper as they do them, and review all of the papers that come home. We read a book at night before lights out and kiss goodnight.

Just about every minute I spend with them is involved, either directly or indirectly, with helping them learn.

But you know what? The panel of officials on the radio that day set the bar of parent involvement a little lower than that. To them, they were hoping that parents would get involved by making sure their children went to school; making sure they’d eaten breakfast; packing them a lunch. If the parent would actually spend time with their child doing homework, that was a bonus, and none of them even mentioned reading at bedtime.

My point is, being involved doesn’t mean overachieving, it just means spending time, how ever much time you have. These education experts said that just having a parent who cared whether or not they were in school helped motivate these kids to be there and to learn.

So, never underestimate how very much your attention can help, but also, don’t get discouraged if you can’t be room-mom, or lunch-dad, or if you work full-time and can’t spend the time during the day at your child’s school, though you might like to. Each and every minute you spend, being involved and interested in what your children do, matters. Each and every minute.

The Mercenary hugged me today. In fact, he’s done it twice in the past few days.

I don’t mean the expected hugs like the ones we get at bedtime. He actually walked over to me and put his arms around my shoulders and hung on me for a few minutes. When I reached around and squeezed his middle, he squeezed me back. How cool is that??

He’s 12, by the way.

He hasn’t been volunteering hugs much lately. Even the bedtime hugs have been rather perfunctory.

I’ve been working super hard lately at being more positive, especially with the boys. The concept is simple really: listen to chatter and respond, praise successes, and handle problems with an calm exterior.

If it’s just a case of correcting a mistake or even dealing with actual disobedience, maintaining my desired parental behavior is pretty easy. When things get heated between the boys and arguments swell up and tempers flare faster than I can get anyone’s attention, then it’s a lot harder to not get frustrated.

The realization that it’s easier to switch from a correcting tone to a praising one with the dog than the boys was a sobering moment. In my defense, I can talk to the dog the way I would with a two-year-old child. If I did that with the boys they’d be offended. And yes, I know this after performing an experiment to find out, purely for scientific research; no humor was involved

Both Hubby and I have been trying to show the boys that we’re treating them with the respect we want to see in return. As the older ones move closer and closer to adulthood I think they’re starting to see how much we truly do enjoy them. It’s nice to feel like we’re on the right track for now.