To the men and women in the Research and Development Division; the following are standing requests that have not been addressed. I'd like to get a status update on each of them, and hopefully complete at least half of this list by the end of the year.

1. Is it possible to overdose on over-the-counter antacids? (Also: caffeine? Splenda?)

2. Why do "mom clothes" have tiny pockets or no pockets at all?

3. How long does a baby need to sleep during the day before it transitions from a "nap" to "sleep?"

4. Are The Twins nocturnal?

5. Can completely disposable onesies be fabricated from paper towels?

6. When will the universal translator app be ready that discerns the difference between, and meaning of, the following noises:

Coos

Whines

Wails

Cries

Screams

Snorts

Burps

Spit-ups

Farts

Poops

Yelps

Squeaks

7. Do babies naturally have a cute baby smell, or is their specific odor a combination of Dreft detergent, baby lotion, and a subconscious desire to find everything about infants endearing?

8. Are The Twins communicating in secret, if so, what are their immediate and long-term plans?

9. Are the dogs aware of what the The Twins will become?

10. Do babies occasionally smell like Busch light, or did Uncle Aaron spill his beer on one of The Twins while he was here?

11. When a diaper is changed, and then immediately soiled, is this an act of intentional defiance?

12. At what age is Pavlovian Programming possible? Can it ever really be too early to start?

13. Why are diaper bag's called diaper bags? Less than a third of the space is used for actual diapers, why isn't it called a Parental Rucksack?

14. How long would it take to build a prototype and monetization strategy for The Parental Rucksack?

15. Can a harness or sled apparatus be attached to a Roomba to bring babies out of the nursery on Sunday mornings?