Saturday, July 28, 2007

Your girlfriend is ugly when...(1) She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure.(2) As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog.(3) Even mosquitoes stay away from her.(4) She startles the animals at the zoo.(5) On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone.(6) She makes onions cry.(7) Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds.(8) Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.(9) The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail.(10)She was so ugly, when she was born they put tinted windows on her incubator.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Dinner is served........ Maybe we need to listen to the old folks.... Well, Ruby fell at work the other night and had to have 5 stiches in the back of her head.But she's O.K... I've been telling her she's got a hard head for years......

Now for a laff...

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP FOR ME....For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.

Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian embassy in Washington , D.C. has recently revealed the true story.When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States .If nothing is there, he must take a job answering telephones giving technical advice.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard.The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum.The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface.I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately."You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied."I just threw my wife's credit cards in there.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Country roads.............The English language can be tricky.If you tell a woman that time stands still when you look into her eyes, she'll be thrilled,but try telling her that her face would stop a clock...........