I was at my kitchen table doing my secret sex blog stuff last night when I heard a faint knock at my door and saw The Neighbor’s head peek through. The rest of him, clad in a towel, followed. I knew he’d been in his tub and I’d told him I wished I was sitting on his toilet with a glass of wine shooting the shit, but he’d asked for a “TN night” and so I was content to do my own thing.

But, here he was.

He complimented me on my new dress and I complimented him on his giant, flaccid penis outlined by the white terry cloth. “I’m not here to fuck. I just wanted to hear about your interesting day.” He carefully repositioned the towel exposing his flanks. “C’mon, let’s go lay down.”

“Ok,” I agreed standing to follow him, “but I only said it was mildly interesting.”

I lit a candle and he crawled under the covers, losing the towel. I sat demurely on top of the duvet, an arm’s reach away. “Come in here,” he said and patted the spot beside him. “Ok, so, your day. What happened?”

“I had coffee with Jason.”

“Was that the guy who wanted to suck my dick?”

“He was one of them, yeah. We struck up a chat a few weeks ago on Facebook and decided to catch up. It was weird, but cool. He was also the guy who gave me a C for dirty talk.”

“What a fucking asshole!”

“Yeah, well, anyway, it was ok.”

I lay in his arms and played with his chest hair idly, the two margaritas and two glasses of wine in me emboldened me to parlay this into a deeper conversation. “How do you feel about me meeting him?”

He as quiet for a bit then said he didn’t mind. “What if I’d fucked him?”

“Then I’d be disappointed.” He paused here and thought. “I think I’d want to approve of any old or new lover you hooked up with and I’d want you to tell me so we would start using condoms again.”

“So I have permission to fuck other people?”

“I’m not sure… I don’t have permission to fuck other people, though, do I?”

I sat up and looked at him, nuzzled his face and his chest with my lips. “No, you don’t. You said you didn’t want to back in January. It doesn’t work that way. Have you changed your mind?”

Again, he was thoughtful. “No. No, I haven’t.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

He grabbed my breasts and squeezed and I got up and kneeled between his knees, spread them slightly with my own. His massive thighs bright white against the dark aubergine sheet.

“Suck my cock now,” he growled. I grabbed his chubby cock and looked at him.

And in a sweet, soft voice he asked, “Will you please suck my cock, Ma’am?” and without delay I fell on the cock that had become as rigid as a soldier.

My dress pooled around my legs and my tits fell out of the top and my tender nipples dragged on his flexed thighs. I sucked and slurped and gripped and took little breaks to let his tension build.

When his erection was mighty, I didn’t want it in my mouth anymore and pulled my panties down. He pushed me to my back and lifted up my skirts and drove into me, my ankles hiked over his shoulders like a knapsack.

He lit into me like a man possessed, I managed to stare at his shadow-cast face, so beautiful and masculine, staring down at me for several moments before the pounding knocked my eyes shut. My pussy gushed and I squirted down my the crack of my bottom and moaned and gripped and clawed at him. He didn’t want things to change, was all I could think.

He slammed into me a few more times then held still. “I think I hurt my balls,” he winced. I laughed and hugged him.

“Oh, honey, that’s awful!” I crooned and kissed his neck, his head hung down dejectedly. He rolled off of me and disconnected. I was still happy about sneaking in “honey” as I gently fondled his sack. “We should put a pillow there or something next time!”

He chuckled. “I have a fluffy sports headband I could use!”

As we chatted in each other’s arms I continued to stroke his erection, never letting it waiver. “Do you think I could suck your cock?”

He nodded and I repositioned myself between his legs. I sucked and paused, sucked and waited, stroked and moaned. I told him how gorgeous his cock was, how much I loved sucking it. He teased me that I had seduced him, that he hadn’t planned on fucking me at all and I pointed out he was the one who had demanded I suck his cock in the first place. He giggled and I fell back down on him.

He burst into my mouth seconds later, his sweet laughter filled the darkened room. He shook his hands like little meaty helicopters.

I laid in his arms again for a little while then massaged his back with the Hitachi and brought myself to a little standing orgasm in between causing him to yell, “Kelly Clarkson!” from the intense vibrations on his sore spots.

We laid together finally then and talked some more and I teased him about our next break up which is due in April if we are to keep our 90-day Hy-freaks-out schedule. “Are we gonna break up and then get back together?” he asked, “or are we gonna break up break up?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to get back together.”

“Ok, then that’s what we’ll do.” He got up to go and I felt silly and a little guilty for everything, the double standards, my emotional demands. “Our relationship is an unconventional one, maybe we need unconventional maintenance, too,” I suggested. He nodded agreement and I walked him to the door while slipping on my favorite Obama shirt and a pair of white panties.

He crossed the 4 feet to his door, looked around, and let the towel drop. We smiled at each other and he walked into his apartment.

I need to say more, I think, let him know that I still love him. Or maybe that’s a silly idea and I should keep my mouth shut and be happy with his continued interest and fidelity.

Fuck.

Love is not always the answer and anyone who tells you so is full of shit. Love, sometimes, is the problem.

You mean, it’s not over? Yes, it’s not over. And I realized my pattern when I was organizing my TN posts one day. “Looky there! About every 3 months I freak the fuck out and dump his ass!” In January, I decided to talk to him about my I-want-to-dump-him feelings and we worked out our current arrangement instead. When he knows how I’m feeling, somehow things are better. Who knew?

Nope, I mean now that he’s tangibly aware of that cycle he can understand it better if/when it happens again. Rather than a mass of confusion each time wondering what happened now it (theoretically) should be a hell of a lot easier on both of you (and together) when there is a pattern known rather than non-visible chaos of uncertainty.

(Shit, that’s such a *NTJ thing to find comfort in patterns like that. Hell, maybe it doesn’t really help to understand that there is a pattern – just knowing that for my type of people it would help.)

Amazing the twists and turns that life can deal us as we navigate down this path of life. I always enjoy your letting your post come, but still leaves me wanting to say I wish he realized how lucky he is…..

Sounds like things are progressing for the better – even if it is to just figure out how you and TN work best together… in a way that you can both be happy. Whatever that means for you two individually. Last line is gold.