Admitting I am a gambling addict is a huge thing for me, and I probably would never have admitted it had my partner not worked out that I had spun a web of lies in order to borrow money from him and my best friend - of course I believed that I could easily win it back and they would be none the wiser, but that didn't happen. In the meantime, I was evicted from my flat - and in such denial that I didn't even clear my belongings out, so lost everything, including the trust of my partner and a 20 year friendship.

I don't understand how I became this person. I am fairly intelligent, I used to be excellent with money. And now I am technically homeless, penniless and although my partner is with me at the moment, he no longer believes a word I say and I can't bear to see how much I have hurt him.

I don't want to sound like am feeling sorry for myself, I accept this is all my own doing. I am just feeling rather desperate right now.

I haven't gambled for a number of months and have self excluded. I found the chat room on here very useful, but the last few times I have logged in no one has been there, so I thought I would try this instead. And actually it has helped to right it down.

I need to change. Gambling and the devastation I have created through lying to others, and myself, can't be what defines me.

Welcome to the forum and welcome to recovery pesky123. Nothing changes unless you are prepared to make the changes to lead, not so much "normal" because in my opinion normal doesn't exist, everyone of us is different, however in GA we have a common similarity, and that is the desire to stop gambling. Together we help each other through life on life's terms. I remember the hesitation about going to a meeting, the shame, embarrassment, that I would have to face up to my actions, turns out it was the addiction talking as that wanted to carry on, but I WANTED to stop, and I felt a great sense of belonging in the meetings. United we can stop gambling and stay off, just keep going to meetings and be a part of the solution.

In Unity

Simmo

One day at a time. My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.