Sunday, May 24, 2015

Repeat

I feel like I am on a constant and never ending loop. I feel
like nothing will ever be “over” even if we sometimes want it to be. My life is
like a crappy TV show (because there’s a sudden obsession with the life of a
cancer patient). Really high high’s and really low low’s- and during the whole
thing it’s all uncomfortable and dramatic.

Sometimes I get upset with where I am because it is so
visibly underwhelming- I guess I sometimes let that get to me. In the beginning
I was like “I don’t need any kind of recognition to feel accomplished” when the
real truth is, even if it’s an affirming sentiment relayed by Diane, I am
better off when I am told I am doing good, or I am making my family proud, etc.
I am not currently trying to seek something out, I am just typing something I’ve
found out about myself.

I keep getting these mini migraines- so I am not really up
to the task of writing but I wanted to at least record that I’m still alive! (Hooray.)
But I started going to BYU! Me- a college student! (Before you clap- I’m
enrolled in one class) and I’m still working. For the last few weeks- my family
has heard very few things come out of my mouth besides my “need for a massage
chair”. Retail therapy exists.

It’s been such a long “in between” stage. I’m pretty ready
for something new- I think!

God bless you Racheal. I can't say I know how you feel because I've never gone threw a hard situation like yours. And its sad to think that we all take advantage of life. Just because we are in good health we feel unstoppable. Like nothing could ever go wrong. But everyday day we should thank the Lord for everyday that we are able to wake up. It might not seem like much to thank for, but it is. May God give you strength and bless you and your whole family in the name of Jesus Christ

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MRI

I tried making it easier to see, I don't think anyone gets it but the doctors, but that's my tumor. It is the dark area on the left side and goes just past the center, not the white dot. Even though it is on the left side in this picture it is actually in the right side of the brain stem.

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