I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

We look at the people who tell the truth, who say real things in public, like they’re confused. Crazy. As if everything should be said safely or not at all and what you feel shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Which is why it's not polite to say "I'm going to kiss you now because I can't do anything else."

16 comments:

carlyles
said...

At times, I feel that other people, including me, are ending every sentence they utter with a question mark.

And sometimes, I don't volunteer my opinions for fear they do not belong in the majority. I need to stop doubting myself, too. But I do think things are improving regarding this aspect; I speak my mind most of the time now.

One of my biggest un-acted-upon secret desires is to spend an afternoon standing in front of an enormous office building, and to just walk up to every single person as they come out the front doors, take them gently by the shoulders, and kiss them full on the lips. Briefly, just for an instant.

I blurt things to strangers in public all the time -- overly truthful things, which are...crazy and impolite. As it were. And I get those "looks" (yes, _those_ looks) All The Time. But, more often than you would imagine, I get genuine, guileless smiles and a brief moment of light which is like seeing a door crack open, just for a moment. I'm okay with appearing confused and crazy, if it means occasional flashes of _that_...

you see I seriously thought it was only me who just want to say things that I trully truthfully feel.. but it seems like almost everyone is subject to such complication when telling the truth...

I would give anything to just bluntly say to him on one of our casual drive around the city...

"I like you -- in fact I think you may be the person I have been waiting for my entire life. I like the fact that you are completely oblivious in regard to how special and significant you are as a person, just for being you and how you make everyone else around you feel so special, wanted and loved. I absolutely love your childlike innocence that is accompanied with an unexpected innate sense of maturity that is beyond your years. I like the fact that you are completely unaware of your effect on me, how a single smile on your face in the morning leaves me completely bedazzled for the rest of the day and how you at times even thought that I disregarded you completely- that I did not see you in that way. I must excuse myself though, that was entirely my fault. You see, I felt that if I were to have my entire soul completely exposed to you then, I would be left vulnerable and at the mercy of your true affections towards me. I cannot have that - I have too much pride in myself to be completely vulnerable towards you because you might break my heart someday and I was not sure if I was ready for that just yet. Id rather have that passion conveniently concealed in the depths of my soul back then. But here I am, contradicting every single thing that I have thought of, scrapping any sense of self preservation on the way just so you would know the entire truth behind what I trully feel and what I have always thought and felt during those quiet times when we were driving around. In fact, I think I was lying when I said that I like you earlier on... you deserve much much more than that... so the absolute truth? I hope I don't catch you off guard - I think I love you."

But you see - if I did do that now, he would look at me with eyes filled with suspicion and ask me who had put me up for that... or probably burst out laughing and demand where he could find the cameras.. or look at me with great surprise and sadness trying to figure out a way to let me down easy... or just give me a look that screams out "you're crazy!"

But you see, you cannot tell the truth - noone is ever prepared to see that kind of rawness in a person...

The truth is, there is only one person who I honestly would need to say that too. Saying it to anyone else would be a lie. Perhaps that is a crazy thing, a truth, that I want to spend the rest of my life with him and only him.

You posted on facebook this:"I would like you to write it on a napkin. Or at the bottom of a library book. Or in the sand on a beach. Or in the background of a picture."

Well today I went to a little restaurant, picked up my menu, only to find a little piece of paper and a pen. Confused, I immediately thought of what you said, and wrote down "I Wrote This For You / Please Find This". I folded it into a small square, and put it in the little basket holding the tiny packs of sugar. Oddly enough, it felt kind of exhilarating. I was strangely excited for someone to find it.

I just thought you should know, that I'm trying to spread the word. In a less obvious way. (:

i just found this blog and im going through checking out some of the older posts. This one just struck me wow, i had this happen to me today. I had so much to say about how i feel when i just look at her, see her smile. But i couldnt get the courage to let her know. Tomorrow is always a new day tho.

Don't know if people are or will ever be ready to recive completely truhful words, even less those we already know but can't face.

it's funny how everyone wants others to be honest and yet they seem unable to stop hiding behind a web of infinite lies. Most people say "i hate lies, hypocricy, infidelity,.." and Do they know how hypocritical they sound?. of course, they just prefer to give that kind of "look".

it's not that lies are bad and you should not do it. BE REAL we have to at times; as inevitable as breathing.Just be one of those few who don't use it as hide. BE BRAVE and show your true self. Who cares if nobody cares, or if they do and give you those looks.

they say "life is a bitch.. and then, you die"..what are you waiting for then? just put a leash on it..