Guido Fawkes: Plots, rumours and conspiracy

NICK Clegg chose plush Admiralty House for his Christmas party last week - the grand Government property that was once the fiefdom of his predecessor as Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott. It was a bit of a dull affair by all accounts, so a far cry from the racy days when Prezza would "entertain" in the building made famous by his indiscretions with his blonde secretary Tracey Temple.

THE Chancellor's traditional party for the children of Westminster journalists at 11 Downing Street last week saw an early visit from Santa and an entertainer who finished up by having the children pull their mulled wine-filled parents up to dance "Gangnam style". There was a very loose interpretation of the Korean dance craze.

NEXT door at 10 Downing Street the PM will host his Christmas drinks for journalists on Tuesday, the same night Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls will be entertaining hacks. Westminster watchers will be split on who to prioritise - if Balls' recent troubles are anything to go by, the PM's party is a safer bet. Meanwhile, smoothy Shadow Business Secretary Chuka Umunna has brought in professional party planners for his own shindig. Not that he has grand ideas or anything.

THE Speaker's once teetotal wife Sally Bercow is officially back on the sauce. Who can blame her for hitting the bottle after it emerged that Tory grandee Lord McAlpine is demanding she coughs up £50,000 in damages after Sally tweeted his name in connection with incorrect allegations of child abuse? Her obvious source of income would be another reality TV outing. Unfortunately, her husband has banned her after the grief he got following her Celebrity Big Brother appearance. Sally is refusing to cough up and a court battle looms. It could get very messy.

COINCIDENTALLY, the Parliamentary gift shop has started selling branded vodka for the first time. Just in time for Christmas, traditional bottles of whisky are now rivalled by Warringtonmade official House of Commons Speaker Bercow Vodka. At less than twenty quid per bottle, even those closest to the Speaker can afford it. Brave volunteers say it is an acquired taste…

CAMERON'S plans to renegotiate our relationship with Europe are not going too smoothly. His long-promised definitive speech on the subject has been pushed back to the New Year and, true to form, the French are getting in early with their cries of "Non!" Little President Hollande has declared: "Usually when a country commits it is for life. It is not Europe a la carte." If Dave fails to gain any meaningful change, he's going to be the one on the backbench menu. Bon appetit.

THE 41-year-old ex-MP for Corby, Louise Mensch, is now based in New York and has taken up weightlifting. She says it is to give her upper body strength to match the lower body strength she gets from jogging. She must want her body to match her youthful-looking, allegedly surgically-enhanced face.

THE great expenses scandal saw Lord Taylor get 12 months in jail, only to serve three months behind bars. Lord Hanningfield served a mere nine weeks out of his nine-month sentence. Baroness Uddin, although not prosecuted, was ordered to pay back the £125,349 she fiddled. You may wonder how they are faring now they have paid off their debts to society. Well, all three are back in the taxpayer-subsidised bars and restaurants of the House of Lords, claiming thousands in expenses every month. Despite cheating taxpayers, there is no easy means of barring them from the Lords. In no other field would an employee who had robbed their employer expect to be back in their old job. It makes the case for abolishing the unelected Lords even more appealing.

POOR Maria Miller is the Tory minister piloting gay marriage reforms through Parliament. She looks wide-eyed and scared answering questions at the despatch box. No wonder, when the questions include how gay adultery will be defined in law. Will the heir to the throne be allowed to have a gay marriage? If he's male will his husband be King too?