March 21, 2019 at 09:59AM from The Babylon Beehttps://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3897-1-thumb.jpg

ANNAPOLIS, MD—Senator and former presidential candidate John McCain is gone but not forgotten. As evidence of this, the White House has revealed that early every morning President Donald Trump makes the trek to McCain’s grave so he can stand there and shout abuse at it.

March 20, 2019 at 02:11PM from The Babylon Beehttps://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3877-3-thumb.jpg

CLARKSBURG, WV—A confused copy of Joel Osteen's book The Power of I Am was unsure what it was doing in the Christian Living section of the book department at a local Walmart Supercenter, sources confirmed Wednesday.

March 20, 2019 at 12:49PM from The Babylon Beehttps://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3894-1-thumb.jpg

MENLO PARK, CA—Declaring the problem to be a "national emergency," Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg ordered the construction of a looming firewall along the borders of Facebook to prevent Google Plus refugees from getting in.

March 20, 2019 at 12:01PM from The Babylon Beehttps://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3893-1-thumb.jpg

CAMBRIDGE, MA—A groundbreaking peer-reviewed study published today in the journal Social Media Research found that statements made with a clapping hand emoji placed between each word are impossible to refute. While the study revealed that placing a clapping hand emoji “here and there” in your text makes it harder to refute, placing the emoji between every single world results in 100% irrefutability.

March 20, 2019 at 09:29AM from The Babylon Beehttps://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3890-1-thumb.jpg

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A number of Democrats have proposed changes to the structure of government that they think would help them win, such as lowering the voting age to 16, abolishing the Electoral College, packing the Supreme Court, and changing how Senate seats are allocated. Now, though, some of the Democratic presidential hopefuls are attacking the heart of the matter: what they call an “outdated Constitution” that sometimes “allows Republicans to be elected.”