Sometime we stress ourselves (and therefore our spouse and children) by worrying about things that don’t really matter in the long run, such as compulsive neatness, wealth, or fame. Are you guilty of giving undue attention to things that will pass?

Your spouse is not your competitor. Too often couples keep score on who cleaned more, took care of the kids last, or has the hardest job. Remember: you’re both on the same team. If somebody wins an argument, that means the other lost. The marriage loses.

Sometimes couples get lucky and their personalities and families of origin mesh seamlessly. That’s rare. The blessing of having difficulties is that it forces the virtues of conflict resolution skills and dying to self. It can hurt but it’s a spiritual purification.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid…I am going away and I will come back to you.” (John 14: 27-29) Separations like business trips or military deployments can strain a marriage. Plan a daily way to reconnect even if it is simply to pick a common time to pray for each other.

“This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.” (John 15:12) Christ loves you and your spouse more than we can ever imagine. Just think of how glad He is to see you and your spouse love each other. Continue to love each other and to serve Him.

A good argument can be a labor of love. Have something sensitive or difficult to talk about with your spouse? Try holding hands and maintaining direct eye contact when you are having a discussion about a disagreement.

What’s the most dangerous part of your body? In marriage, it’s your tongue. It can discourage, wound, embarrass, and humiliate your beloved. You may try to conceal this weapon but it’ll sneak out in snarky remarks if you don’t tame it. Say enough, but know when to stop.

Store clerks are taught to say, “Have a nice day!” to each customer. The marriage version is “How was your day?” Such a simple question, but it says, “I care about you and how you spend the time when we’re apart.” Listen carefully to the answer.

Strong marriages can have problems, but the healthy married couple is committed to working through them and finding help when faced with problems they can’t solve alone. Seeking counsel is a sign of strength.

“Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) Marriage is not always easy. In order to succeed, place Christ at the center of your marriage. With him at the center, you will be able to withstand any trials that you may face […]

“As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.” (John 13:34) Ponder the way Jesus loved—self-sacrificing, unconditionally, like a shepherd, forgiving–and choose one element to lavish upon your beloved today.

Have a home date tonight or this weekend. If you have kids, put them to bed early. Dinner can be simple but might include candlelight, soft music, wine or chocolate. After dinner, light more candles, look through your wedding album, play, and reminisce.

Is all this coming and going, scrimping and saving, cooking and cleaning, arguing and compromising worth it? The balancing act you refine now, with God’s grace, will give you wisdom for future challenges. Look at it as training and rely on the Lord, entrusting your efforts to Him.

“Beloved, we are God’s children now.” (1 Jn 3:2) Young or old, we are always God’s children, His beloved sons and daughters. Because He loved us first, we can love others. Ask Him today for the grace to love your spouse and children.

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