How to drive the pesky small business competition out of business

by beagooddad on January 8, 2009

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Those mega toy producers clearly had a problem. A generation of wannabe hippies was starting to crave toys that were a little more original, a little more old fashioned, and a little less TV cartoon character driven. How will the mega toy producers survive these pesky small businesses creating toys for this slowly growing niche?

Outsource!

To China!

And make lots of toys with red paint!

That way plenty of very cheap toys with high quantities of lead paint will flood the market.

See, all along you thought that the lead paint in the ol’ toy scandal was going to bring the mega toy producers down to their knees. Melissa and Doug would finally reign supreme.

But what you forgot is that here in America we have to Think About The Children. The government, however, is always Thinking About The Children…and them terrorists. That’s all they do all day.

Now before a new toy hits the market, the mega toy producers will have to pay between $300-$4000 to have it tested.

And here is where it gets evil. You can all do your Dr. Evil pinkie to the corner of your mouth while you “Muwah ha ha” until an uncomfortable silence ensues.

The mega toy producers can afford that and it should help keep the toys they make safe. The small toy producers and the hobby toy producers that sell their wares on Etsy, well they most likely won’t be able to pay $300-$4000 to have each new product design tested and therefore might find themselves on the wrong side of the law.

Now I admit that I haven’t read through the details of the law so there might be a loophole but it sounds to me that the mega toy producers might have just found a way to violate the consumers trust so badly that a law was put in place that rid those very scumbag companies of all competition from the small companies and independent toy makers who make the really cool and unique toys.