6,019,393 "Planar Means for Indicating a Gratuity as a Function"
Abstract: Optional gratuities in the food and beverage industry may be defined on a planar surface as a percentage function of the cost of meals instead of an absolute dollar amount. This eliminates the necesity of the customer having to perform arithmetic calculations.

No, I don't mean the sleazy bribery scandal. I refer to the much more outrageous fraud regarding the Olympic medals.

Read about The True Olympic Scandal. Did you know that since the 1920 Olympic Games in Antwerp, the "gold" medals have been merely gold plated? It used to be at: Chapter 5, Rule 70, Para 2 of the Olympic charter but the Committee has removed all references to the composition of the medals (out of guilt [gilt?] perhaps)

How I learned of the fraud. My Olympic Gold Medal Fraud speech, read at the 8th Annual Loebner Prize Contest in Sydney Australia. January 1998