Complicated

“If you have a domestic helper, you’ll have headache. But if you don’t have a domestic helper, you’ll end up with handache and backache.” That’s how I look at it. Obviously, I rather have headache than backache. So, I choose to live with the teeny-weeny problems of hiring a domestic helper.

As a matter of fact, my biggest headache does not lie with our helper BUT with Daddy V. We often argue about how we should manage our helper. He thinks that I’m too lenient and I think that he’s overly demanding. You get the picture?

We’re currently with our 2nd helper (her name is Pin). She has been with us for 8 months now. I would say that she is a hardworking and honest worker. I would give her a B+ in most categories. The only flaw is her speed; she is not as fast as my first helper – Niti.

We were very lucky to get Niti (our first helper) to work for us for two years. She’s really amazing – efficient, smart and highly alert. She has all the qualities that I look for. But now, we know that we can’t compare the two of them as they’re completely different individuals.

Pin has been struggling to keep up with her workloads but she never give up. It’s the same amount of workloads that Niti used to do actually. To improve her performance, I feel that we should reduce some of her workloads. If we continue to stress her, she may eventually give up. Most importantly, I want her to feel happy working with us and not overly-stressed.

Daddy V has a totally different thinking. He refuses to lighten her workloads and he feels that we should continue to motivate pressure her to work faster. Otherwise, she will potentially become lazy. If she is unable to complete her works, she’ll have to sacrifice her own rest time. “Learn the hard way”, that’s what he always said.

Stress will only create adverse effects because she doesn’t know how to handle it. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t listen to me.

Hi SY,
Hehe, that’s a good one. My PIL also has their own expectations and management styles too. But again, at their house, they are the masters and I don’t really bother. Thankfully, they are all lenient bosses. If everyone is like my hubby, I will really have migraine.

Hi MieVee,
He thinks that training a helper is just like training an NSman. But he is wrong! In reality, we can’t use the ‘army style’ – be it to our helper or staffs in our office..

Reply

8 years ago

Godpa Kenneth

I would like to add a thought on this. I have observed the present domestic helper and I would grade her a B+ too. Sometimes, I really feel for her but there is only so much I can do for her. Sometimes when I am on leave, I would pay attention in a tactful manner on how she behaves and carry our her duties. I have to admit that she is a very sincere and kind girl. Mosrt of the time, a domestic helper can run into ‘split personality” in front of their empolyers by treating our little ones nicely.… Read more »

Hi Ken,
I pity her sometimes. Frankly, I don’t want her to work around the clock everyday. With the current workload, it’s very difficult for her to cope. I wonder how long she can ‘tahan’. I’ve been trying to help her too. I quarrelled with V many times because of her, and I’m also at a lost of what to do. 🙁

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8 years ago

Radiant

Hi Emily,

Same as ur case….My 1st helper was wf us for 2 yrs..she is young pretty,smart, clever,efficient @ work ( her education qualif is = junior colleage std here)..my boys loves her so much…Current helper is lagging too far behind in many areas…but we can see her hard work,improvement & sincerity towards my boys (3&4 yo)..I m really appreciate these..For us..i hav an agreement wf HB..i m d boss of d helper..she has to follow my rules/stds..so HB has never interfere ..dun make it complicated wf double std..

Hi Radiant, Your 1st helper is very identical to my 1st helper too. In fact, when she just came on-board, I was surprised that she can converse in English so well. She is also from Junior College in her country. My 2nd helper has very poor command of English. We really had difficulties communicating with her initially. Luckily, after 8 months, she has improved a lot. My boy likes her too. My hubby is the boss of the helper. I tried NOT to interfere in his management but I failed. Reason being – he is just too demanding. She will… Read more »

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8 years ago

mico

Understand the complication you faced. For me, i’m in charged of the maid, hubby has any opinion, he will tell me and we come to a common ground then i do the talking. This is to prevent confusion of whose instructions she should follow.

If the situation continue this way, your maid might give up, you know. talk to your hubby. one thing, usually it’s the woman who manage the maid, how come your hubby so free huh ? haaa.. usually the man don’t want to bother all these household matters, leave it to the woman !

Hi Mico, 99.9% of the man will not bother about household matters. Unfortunately, he is the 0.1%! I guess it could be because: 1. He is really too free… 2. He is a woman traps in a man’s body… (Kekeke, he will kill me if he reads this!) 3. He thinks that I’m too lenient or ‘bochap’ Seriously, I think it’s a combination of (1) and (3). He feels that I’m too lenient. If he doesn’t step in, the helper will go hay-wire one day. I will only ask my helper whether my son is eating well & sleeping well.… Read more »

I’m with you, these domestic helpers are very poor things, having to leave their homelands and living in total strangers’ houses and coping with the diet and cultural change etc etc. And you do agree she’s hardworking so there’s no problem with her attitude. Perhaps your hubby is a high flyer and cannot accept underperformance. I always believe if my maid is overwhelmed, she can’t give her best for my son and I’d rather not compromise on that area. I try to give her uninterrupted sleep at night that’s why my son has been sleeping with me from birth. Partly… Read more »

I guess we have to put up with some minor issues with maids. Mine is generally ok but give me some problems here and there. I was out with my hubby to attend a course today and when I was back, I noticed that the switch to the tv was not swiched off. I asked my hubby if it was him and he said no. I asked my maid and she said she watched tv for a while. I am quite surprised as she knows that my son is not allowed to watch tv and she said that he did… Read more »

Hi Irene, We don’t allow our helper to switch on the TV when she is taking care of our boy too. TV can be distracting. If our helper does that, I think my hubby will either punish her to wash car at 11pm OR threaten to send her back to agent if she repeat the mistake. For me, I will talk to her nicely on my reasons for not allowing her to watch TV, and hope that she can understands. If she is mature enough, she should know what to do next. My mother, on the other hand, thinks that… Read more »

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