Wednesday, June 01, 2011

In came the Dodgers, winners of three in a row and platers of 23 runs in their last three games. And before them stood the wiry Ubaldo Jimenez, 0-5 this season with a 5.86 ERA, and clearly and uncharacteristically lost this 2011 season. But just like Spider-Man versus a Juggernaut, the skinny little guy pounded us with fastballs until we restored back to our meek human form.

Through the first eight innings, Jimenez had shut down the Dodgers, who had only eked out three hits, with no runner coming within a whiff of second base. Then Rafael Furcal singled to lead off the ninth, and Casey Blake moved him over to second on a comebacker. So this is what second base looks like! But Andre Ethier flied out to center and Matt Kemp promptly struck out. So the Dodgers go 0-for-2 with RISP, which is pathetic not only for the 0 but also for the 2. There goes the win streak.

Congratulations, Ubaldo, on your first win of the season! Now if you'll excuse us, we have some wounds to which we must tend. Please help yourself to the Don Mattingly bobbleheads on the way out of the Stadium, and don't mind the smoke from the reserve level.

To sum up: the Dodgers suck again, the nude Blake Lively pics turn out to be fakes, and pot is now illegal for tourists in Amsterdam. What a crappy month this turned out to be.

Shaq retired so it hasn't been a total loss, I guess. I'm sure his press conference should be funny but, if he doesn't step to the podium dressed like Craig Sager, it will be the biggest missed opportunity in comedy history.