Midland foster mom says reward outweighs daily struggle

Published 7:00 pm, Saturday, May 11, 2013

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Midland foster mom says reward outweighs daily struggle

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Kathy Hagler is a 52-year-old single mom to an adult son, 12-year-old daughter and two foster children, ages 8 and 7. She adopted her daughter eight years ago and has been a foster parent to the younger sisters since December 2012.

“I just have always wanted to be a mom,” she said. “I do have an older son, but I wanted a daughter. I wanted that special mother-daughter bond.”

Hagler was looking to adopt again when she decided to become a foster parent.

“When I was going through the adoption process God just really laid it on my heart that I needed to foster,” she said. “The process was similar but not exactly the same. I had to do some additional things to get licensed as a foster home.”

Hagler was licensed as a foster parent in November 2011 and opened her home to an 8-year-old girl a month later. Her first placement stayed until October 2012. The two sisters currently living with Hagler came in December 2012.

All of her foster placements have been through Buckner Children and Family Services.

“It’s vital for a child who has been taken from a home and put into care to have a foster family who loves and supports them and to be given the means to be successful regardless of their situation,” said Byron Smith, administrator at Buckner Children and Family Services.

Nearly 300 children in the Permian Basin are placed in foster care each year and about 150 of them are sent out of the area because of a shortage of foster parents, Smith said.

“I think about that old African adage that says, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ Foster care is the village in action,” he said. “I think it is vital, but I don’t think it’s easy. You have to have a certain calling to help a child who is in crisis.”

Hagler agrees that being a foster mom is often difficult. Being a single foster mom without family in town adds to the challenge.

Hagler handles the house work, yard work, cooking, shopping and care for the three girls while working full-time as an insurance account manager at Arthur J. Gallagher Risk Management.

“The hardest part is finding time for myself to maintain friendships,” she said.

At 52, many of her friends have children in different life stages than Hagler’s daughter and foster daughters.

“My friends, their kids are graduating from college and getting married and I still have school-age children so I’m going to PTA meetings and going to the park and doing things most people much younger than me are doing,” she said.

In addition to the daily challenges of being a single mom, Hagler and her daughter have to face the emotional struggles of offering foster care. They “grieved and mourned” when the first placement left and they had to adjust to new children.

“They come and they have behavioral issues and they’re grieving and they’re traumatized,” she said. “Seeing over time when they know that they’re safe ... it’s like watching a flower bloom. It’s the coolest thing.”

Though she was apprehensive about her daughter’s reaction to some of the more difficult aspects of being a foster parent, Hagler appreciates the opportunity to teach her daughter through her actions.

“For the foster kids, it is their first exposure to what it is to have a good parent, someone who is consistent and stable and loving and puts their needs ahead of their own,” she said. “It’s been a great opportunity to model unconditional love for my daughter. She knows that I’m not going to give up no matter what.”

Hagler said she’ll continue to open her home to foster children “as long as God wants me to.” She encourages others to consider fostering or to find ways to help a foster family.

Acknowledging she can’t do it by herself, Hagler counts on support from her friends, her church and her community.

“Please, step out and reach out and do something to help someone who is fostering,” she said. “The kids in our community need people to foster and to help those who are fostering.”