Month: June 2006

note: Bahasa Melayu (previously known as Bahasa Malaysia, or Malay language) is the national language of Malaysia.Just a few weeks ago (or was it just last week, i can’t recall), The Star reported that the government was considering a project to promote Bahasa Melayu (or Malay languange) as an international language. i was horrified with this. we are still struggling to promote Malaysia as a country in the international arena, and it is shameful, however, that not all graduates have a good command of the English language. there are many who are unable to carry out a full conversation in English. i have had many occasions where i speak to a contemporary in English, to be responded in Malay or Mandarin. so i switch to Malay or Mandarin for the convenience of my contemporary. I admit it is difficult for me, as my Mandarin is not perfect. but hey, i’m happy to get the chance to practise it. (but why are some reluctant to practise speaking English to improve?)Bahasa Melayu as an international language? hmmm. will we be able to succeed? or will we be as snobby as the French who are unable to assist lost tourists because they cannot speak English? (this is based on my experience in Paris years ago. perhaps they are much better now, i’m not too sure.)Imagine a few years ago, when the government was concerned with the deterioration of English in the younger generation, so the Ministry of Education made the move to have Science and Maths taught in English. there was a struggle during the initial change, wasn’t there? but how much did it help to improve the children’s English?Anyway, my frustration is this: Bahasa Melayu is no longer unique as it was when it was Bahasa Malaysia. remember when we were hammered with the use of ‘bahasa baku’ for our oral exams? urgh, it was tough.Bahasa Melayu is simplified – change the spelling of the English words and taa-daa, you have a Malay word!

Now everyone can speak Malay too! when in doubt, think of the english word and add a Malaysian twang to it or something. (wait a minute, if we’re always stealing English words, how come the Malaysians’ English language isn’t improving?)Anyway, this is just my 2 sen worth, albeit a bit jumbled up. i’m just wondering, it must be easier to score an A for Bahasa Melayu in SPM now, right? no? ;PlinksMalay (Bahasa Melayu)
The Star Online: View Post – April 19, 2006June 22, 2006

dear bimbobum,
i think i’m surrounded by friends with no fashion sense at all. and it embarasses me like hell. but of course, i dare not tell them that.
for example, ah beng was wondering how come his good friends do not invite him to join them clubbing. i was so tempted to tell him that his dressing sense needed some improvement. i mean, look! you wear loafers without socks and with your jeans folded up? what century is this? at his age, it’s so ah pek (uncle) looking!!!!

Over the years, the Malaysian government has been pushing our fellow Malaysians to break into the international market to gain international recognition. Many have adhered to the government’s calls including one Pak Long who emailed me today.
Pak Long recently has ventured into E-business, setting up his traditional aphrodisiac online! And of all domain names, he chose.. stiffandhard.com … WTF!!!
Some of his products were hilariously described:-

AIR PINANG MUDA
To be used to cure PREMATURE EJACULATION without the heatiness associated with Gambir Sarawak.
To use, just take a few drops and rub it on the penis head at least 10 minutes before sex. Remember to wash first if you plan to have oral sex.
RM 16.00 / PER BOTTLEWARISAN SUPER SPRAY
This spray is made from extracts of the best products of the east. Just a single spray for this 2 amazing functions which is to help delay ejaculation and enlarges the penis head.
To use, just SPRAY ONLY ONCE on the penis head at least 10 minutes before sex.
RM 35.00 / PER BOTTLE

And, he has also found the secret of the ancient emperor of China!

The secret of the ancient emperor of China!
Every time you make love, you ejaculate too fast and your partner is not satisfied?
Do you want your penis to be extremely hard – harder than ever!! Before you make love, so that your partner feels exasperated and grip it as hard as she could?
Do you want to delay your orgasm? So that your partner is free to explore many different types of position – until she is EXTREMELY SATISFIED.
Do you want to increase your sex drive? So that your partner’s slight touch on your penis is able to bring it up…. As hard as a rock?
Do you want to increase your penis strength? So that it is stiff with visible veins just like the bodybuilders?
Do you want to increase your semen velocity? So that your partner feel extremely ticklish when her vagina feels the rushing gush of your sperm?
Do you want to avoid premature ejaculation so that your partner will forever remember the strength of your penis?
Do you want your penis head to expand whenever you have an erection? So your partner will scream in delight?
Do you want to break up the fats and wind trapped within your penis tissue so that it will increase blood flow around the penis and thus making you ready all the time?!
Do you want to increase your penis strength and increase blood flow around your penis tissue without the use of pills which may give you harmful side effects?
RM 80.00 / PER SET ( 2 BOTTLES)

The traditional Malay aphrodisiac business has been around for many, many years. I’ve heard many stories about how people were prescribed with certain aphrodisiacs to be able to improve their sexual performance. For example, Tongkat Ali. However, some of these aphrodisiacs have been abused by many especially the Spanish Fly (Note this is not a Malay traditional aphrodisiac). The stories about the abuse of Spanish Fly are horrendous. Girls beware, try not to accept drinks from strangers. Even the guy who makes drinks for you at the mamak cannot be completely trusted.
When I was younger (around 15 years old), Umeng and I befriended R, a guy who worked in a mamak stall. His job was to make drinks for customers. He was a friendly man of 30s. Every time we visited to his stall, he would sit with us to chat and he would sometimes tell us stories of his sexcapades. Many of them being his customers.
Being a young boy of 15 years old, I was fascinated on how this man who worked in a mamak stall got to sleep around with so many of his customers of all ages. From school girls to working class women. Every time his customers came to his store to have a drink, they would end up at his apartment or her apartment to have sex.
He was so good at his stories until one day Umeng and I bought him condoms for his birthday. Umeng and I were almost idolizing him!
Of course, I was very curious with what kind of tactic he used to get all these girls. I thought he had a honey laced mouth and girls would be easily persuaded by his sweet words.
Like any students who wanted to learn from a master, I asked him many, many questions and until one day, he confessed to me that he used a certain liquid to attract those girls. All he did was dropped a few drops in their drinks and thereafter it’s “my place or your place, bang bang bang, byebye”.
Being a young boy of 15 years old, I had no idea what he was talking about and as time went by, Umeng and I stopped hanging out at his mamak and thereafter lost contact with R. Then years later, I realised that the certain liquid could be the Spanish Fly (or something equivalent), an aphrodisiac that would arouse women. I then realised that R has been spiking his female customers’ drinks with aphrodisiac so that he could have sex with them.
How disgusting. How how disgusting. It was too late when I realised the truth. R was nowhere to be found and I don’t know any of his victims.
If my presumption is right, the only place to seek retribution now is Hell. May you burn in hell R. The dungeon of infinite castration awaits you.

i can never understand why some people can jump into a new relationship right after the last break up. within a week of breaking up, some girls/guys can get a new boyfriend/girlfriend immediately. why???? it wasn’t just a short term fling, you know. some are years of steady relationship. e.g. 3, 4 or 6 years of relationship.
i’d suspect the girl already had this thing going on with the new boyfriend while she was still seeing the old one, and that may have lead to the break up. i.e. cheating on the old boyfriend.
or, she just wasn’t that into him during the time they went out.
or the flame just died. hmmmm.
i knew a couple who broke up, and a few months before that, the girl was being wooed by a rich guy. (who wouldn’t be impressed?) and not too bad looking as well. the relationship was already in jeopardy because the girl’s parents were harassing her about getting married soon since they’ve been going out for almost 7 years. but the guy didn’t want to, as he was still in the midst of looking for a stable job. sad, right? when parents put pressure on the couple like that.
so when they broke up (apparently the guy had a horrible temper), she immediately got together with the rich guy. if he made her happier, good for her. but just think, maybe he was just the back up before someone better comes along? and she just wanted emotional support somehow?
six months later, i heard that they were giving out wedding invitations. i almost fainted. what the hell…. that was quick!!!
perhaps age is a factor for girls as well, the need to avoid being a spinster by the age of 29.
i know so many girls like that, and i just don’t get it. right out of a 5 year relationship and wham! the next new relationship, they get engaged or married within 6 months.
don’t tell me, girls need security? ;P
about the girls who find new boyfriends within a week after breaking up, what’s that, man.. and funny how the old boyfriend is still determined to win the girl back, showering her with lavish gifts and all. i’d tell the guy to drop it, honestly. because she’s not worth it if she can find someone new just like that.
forget the jewellery and cars and mobile phones – anything expensive, don’t waste money on her! (unless you’re filthy rich, hehe. send them over to me instead ;P) and if she tells you that the new boyfriend is just a way in getting her revenge on you, the guy should just let her be. (i know some people who used breaking up as a punishment, which i find ridiculously juvenile and stupid! and even stupid, they got back together, which meant the person accepted it as a reasonable thing to do? we’re talking bout a year of ‘break up’ as a punishment.)the question is:
(1) is it alright to jump into a new relationship within a week of breaking up?
(2) if you’re the new girlfriend or boyfriend – would you trust him/her? because what goes around comes around.
i know of a man who wooed a young girl while he was still married. he divorced his wife and the young girl became his new wife. years later, it repeated full circle. a younger woman was wooing him and his new wife was furious. but her friends told her, “see, you did it to his wife the last time, and now it’s all coming back to you.” yikes!

My Malay colleague F invited me to his wedding @ Felda Chemomoi, at the state of Pahang. A Felda estate is a small village with basic amenities. It was established by the government to resettle the rural poor.
The journey to Felda Chemomoi was filled with uncertainty. The map that F printed on his invitation card doesn’t reflect the real route. The directions that he depicted on his map were quite straight forward. However, it wasn’t that straight forward, my car had to endure 1 ½ hour of windy trunk roads and hills. It was like driving into a jungle. By the end of the trip, I found my back tyres bald.
After a 3 hours journey (was expecting it to be 1 1/2 – 2 hours!), we reached Felda Chemomoi to find that F’s wedding was already over! But yet he invited us to his house and gave us some food.
We sat on the floor together with F’s wife and 2 of her village mates. We smiled at F’s wife and continued eating. We didn’t exchange any words.
The venue

since we all know how to spot fake boobs, introducing the bra-omatic (dedicated to fanky panky frank_omatic who’s alive and blogged) just for laughs. ;P you need to your rest your eyes a bit, the itty-bitty fonts here are killing my eyes. so we shall “read” some cartoons instead.
[source unknown: from a forwarded email.]

No, this is not a story about a haunted house. What it really is though is a test of character. The results can be rather surprising but it was rather true for me.
Btw, you get your share of ghosts here too! ;P
One day, you get lost in the wilderness while travelling. It gets dark and you have no choice but to seek refuge in a small hut nearby. The owner tells you all his rooms are haunted. Which room will you choose?
The room where:A) a human head stares at you maliciously from outside your window
B) the bathroom door creaks open and close, and there are sounds of a woman sighing
C) the bed starts rocking violently whenever you try to sleep on it
D) a headless ghost sits at the foot of your bed when you awake in the middle of the night
Make a comfortable choice before you click on the extension which will reveal the explanation. Are you SURE YET? Click only if you REALLY REALLY ARE, OK? ;D

Yesterday, the Newspaper published a survey done by Reader Digest which said that We, Malaysian are 3rd Rudest people in the World. Hahahaha..the World? How come the survey was only conducted in 35 Countries? What about the Japanese, who are known for their politeness? ooooh..well, the Reader Digest said that they did not carry out the survey in Japan because there is no Japanese version of Reader Digest….

So, are we actually rude? I would say “YES, WE ARE”. Take this incident for instance, my colleague and i were walking to lunch today. When a big 4 wheels drive suddenly zoomed past us and knocked (lightly) on my colleague’s arm. The car stopped on the road side, and the passenger winded down the passenger Windows. We thought the passenger was gonna apologise to my colleague. But no, he stared at us with his COCK EYES and point to his side mirrors. WHAT THE FUCK LA!!! YOU, A CAR JUST KNOCK A PADESTRIAN!!! YOU FUCKING SHOULD APOLOGISE!!!

So are we really rude people or are we only rude when we are behind the wheels or in my case, in the car?

i don’t know if this is true, but i received this from a forwarded email. i don’t even know how old this thing is!

“Hello everyone. I have some interesting news. I was in Pizza Hut (Sunway Pyramid) yesterday and suddenly my friend showed me the bill. The bill contains normal things (number of person, bill. number and what is ordered). But, what shocked me is that they had space called “RACE”.
I guess since we were all wearing tudung, they labelled us as 0, which means MALAY. Later, when we went to pay…we had no service charge and no tax charge.
Still in shock, I peeped into another bill in the counter. In that bill, under the race space, it was labelled as C (which I guess means Chinese). That bill had service and tax charges!!!
I started investigating. One of my Sri Lanka friends was labelled as Indian it seems and she also had to pay service and tax charges a few weeks back.
What I’m wondering is that…does anyone know about this? I find it rather strange that they charge service and tax charge using race in Pizza Hut, out of all the places!”