For the past two weeks we have shared Part 1 and Part 2 of the story of Jamaica and Brad Miller, a military couple currently stationed in Louisiana.

Jamaica poured out her heart and shared her story with us – the good, the bad and the ugly. Some of her story we deemed too intimate and too personal to share via this medium, yet we’re honored and humbled Jamaica trusted us with her story and felt comfortable enough to let us peek into her experiences.

Jamaica left no stone unturned and hopes her story serves as an inspiration to other women.

Jamaica’s story is one of blood, sweat and a bucket load of tears. In many ways Jamaica is – no, was– a classic representation of a woman who stays in an abusive, dead-end relationship for far too long – and to her own detriment.

Thankfully, Jamaica was able to file for divorce and not only make a new start, but find a true and lasting love. Sadly, many women who flee physical, mental and emotionally abusive relationships are not as fortunate: Almost 1-million domestic violence incidents are reported each year (and if this is the number of reported incidents, can you imagine what the number would be if all incidents were reported???) [Source]

On average, 3 women and 1 man are murdered by their partner each day.

Each. Day.

Ponder that fact as you read the concluding installment of Jamaica Miller’s story:

I filed for divorce again and moved out to my sister’s house. June came and I saw on Facebook that Brad would be returning to the states. I thought he would return to Kentucky and wondered how I would handle it, but he was sent to Louisiana.

I was happy for him and glad that he was back from his deployment safe and sound. I watched him on Facebook and noticed how women paid him compliments and obviously tried to get to know him. I had to admit that jealousy and other feelings were taking over me.

I prayed, Lord what is happening to me? I kept my distance but I knew in my heart this time I clearly wanted more.

The divorce was in process. I had signed my papers and was just waiting on my ex to sign his. Months passed by and still nothing. After much begging and pleading, he finally signed.

I didn’t immediately run to Brad. I talked to him from time to time but I kept my feelings hidden. Months passed and I heard nothing other than he was just enjoying his leave.

I continued to see pictures of him living, dating and enjoying life. Feeling unhappy, I finally expressed to him that I didn’t like it. He reminded me we were just friends. I thought, Oh ok, Jamaica – that’s all you wanted from day one, right? For him to be a friend?

I kept praying, and asked the Lord if Brad was the man for me. I prayed that if there was anything ungodly in him that God would remove it from him, if he was the man He had for me.

By this time me and Brad’s conversations had only been on Facebook. I wanted to hear his voice but wasn’t ready to express I wanted more.

So you know the info tab that’s on Facebook? Well, it had his phone number so I saved it to my phone. It took me two weeks to actually use it! LOL!

I took a deep breath and texted, “Hello friend it’s Jamaica. I’m so glad you made it back safe. Be good, don’t break hearts.”

He texted me back and said, “I wouldn’t if you’ll just be my girl already! Stop telling me no – there’s nothing stopping you now.”

I laughed and said, Ok. We conversed and sent messages and acknowledged we had feelings – and now that we’d said it, long distance was in our way now.

At the end of August I got a message from Brad saying, “I’m coming to see you. I can’t take it anymore.” I said, “You’re kidding, right?”

He said, “Nope!”

I was nervous, not knowing if he’d be the same man behind the messages and conversations. On August 31 he texted me and said, “I’m outside.”

I froze a good 10 minutes before making it to the door. I went outside to his truck and we hugged, our smiles big as ever. The first thing he said was, “Do you have a bag I can use for my shoes? I kinda just through them in my truck – I was just ready to get to you!”

I laughed and said sure. We headed to my sister’s house. All I remember is him holding my hand the whole ride telling me I’m beautiful. I felt like a princess.

I knew this was my sunshine after the storm!!!!

He could only stay four days and by October we knew we wanted our relationship to go further. He asked me to move to Louisiana. He continued to say there wasn’t much there, but that he’d make it worth it for his family.

On Jan 29th he asked me to marry him! I started planning a small wedding. On February 2 he got baptized. We got married on February 14!

We asked, What was your defining moment – that moment when you each knew you were in love?

Jamaica’s response: The defining moment I knew I was in love was our first kiss. It lasted forever with him just holding me tight!!

Brad’s response: My defining moment was making two back-to-back trips to see Jamaica. I would never travel to see a woman – but she was worth it!

How did you families and friends respond to the news of your relationship? How did you handle it?

I’ve attached a picture of a text message showing his Mom and Dad’s responses:

After we got married, Brad called his aunt. They all congratulated us.

When Brad came to town to see me that first time, we went to my sister’s house. My nieces and nephew ran to the door to meet him. My oldest sister just kept giving me that look and whispered, “He’s the one – keep him!” Lol! For my sister to say that, I knew I was on the right path.

Later my little sister came in town from Lexington. We sat up and chatted for a while. She said, “I can tell you like him. I know he’s the one so take your time and I can’t wait to be in your wedding!” LOL

My Mom and Dad gave their seal of approval and welcomed Brad to the family. They asked him if his parents were ok with him dating outside his race and he replied, “Yes – from the time I was born!” LOL

What do you like most about your mate?

Jamaica’s response: What I like most about my husband is his drive to go above and beyond for his family. Our daughter wanted to change the color of her dresser and put her new initial “M” on it – and he did just that.

Brad’s response: What I like most about my wife is that she loves me no matter the trail of clothes I leave from the shower to the closet after pt! At first she fussed but now I just leave a note saying, Sorry, Hun I had to rush back to work to bring home the bacon. I LOVE YOU !!!

What advice would you give to others who are interested in dating/marrying interracially?

Our advice would be, Go for it! Love comes in all shades. Don’t be afraid and don’t worry about the dirty looks you get. The only thing that matters is the love you have for each other and how happy you are.

Most important don’t try to change each other, but enjoy the things that make you different. For the first time ever, I rode a horse for my husband. I was scared out my mind at first but I had fun! LOL

For us, we know God doesn’t make mistakes. Make God the center In all you do!!!

So that’s us, the Millers. I hope our story touches others’ hearts, knowing that anything is possible!!!

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic HOTLINE at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or visit TheHotline.org.

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Whew! Last night I finally submitted my dissertation proposal for general review. I have to get pre-approval from the board of reviewers at my school before they forward it to the Institutional Review Board (IRB). I won’t bore you with the details, but I will say that the submission represents a huge milestone in my quest to earn a PhD. They may kick it back for one minute reason or the other, but I don’t expect any major objections. Update to follow when I hear back . . . .

And speaking of updates, a little more than year has passed since I blogged regularly. (Thanks to all of you who called, texted, emailed, Tweeted, or Facebooked me to check on me; I appreciate the love!).

In 2011 I semi-moved back to Louisiana, made it through my comprehensive exams, nurtured both my parents through multiple hospital stays, made it “through the water and through the flames,” and reinvented myself yet again. Needless to say, all of that took time and energy away from blogging. I’m happy to report that I’m back with a vengeance! I’m ready to once again share my musings on life, love, swirling, diversity, and everything in-between. I love working out and I’m trying to eat healthier, so I’ll also share those experiences as I dabble into the vegetarian/vegan/raw foods lifestyle. (Notice I said “dabble.” Seafood will always be on the menu, and I refuse to kill the carnivore residing in me. Just sayin’).

Anyway, my fellow Swirlers, stay tuned for rants, raves, and craves. I live life out loud! This Swirl Girl is traveling through the swirl world and loving every minute of it.

Until my next post, enjoy this dark little ditty by the awesome Justin Nozuka. Feel free to share your “water and flames” moments.

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Welcome!

I’m Michelle Matthews-Calloway, and I’m A Swirl Girl! Greetings to you from The Swirl World. We encourage Black women to expand their relationship options by dating and marrying interracially. Our overarching mission is to see Black Women live their best life. Come Swirl with us in The Swirl World™, where we celebrate Black women and the diverse men who love us!™