Friday

FASHION DILEMMA: CAMEL RIDING

Last night the Real Housewives of New York went camel riding in Morocco. This created a major dilemma for most of them - should they wear clothes that say"riding" or clothes that say "Morocco"?

Alex came up with an interesting solution:

Cropped pants, knee high heeled boots, military green shirt, v-neck sweater that's orange on the front and green on the back, and, most inexplicably, a man's necktie. LuAnn said the outfit was better suited to lion taming but I knew there was more to it. Alex planned this outfit far in advance, she is the most uptight of all the housewives (in the world). I believe her reference was Colonial Safari a la Out of Africa. I'm sure she watched the movie several times in preparation for her breakout role as a Brooklyn graphic designer visiting Morocco for the first time.

The theory is interesting but the execution stinks of her openly gay husband, Simon Van Kempen. Recognize this color combo?

Jill Zarin also suffered from pure execution. Her look was Moroccan but her focus was comfort. Women always ask me how I can wear such high heels every day or go bare legged in cold weather. "I could never, I need to be comfortable," they say. Everyone likes to be comfortable! You don't see a lot of people slipping into a corset when they get home or sleeping on rock pillows. I'd be fuckin thrilled to wear a belted Snuggie and UGGs all day but I am sparing you a sight like this:

Pretty sure she got this get up at the Moroccan hospital supply bazaar. Can you even pick her out of this photo?

It's not just the embroidered scrubs, it's the white sneaks, the banana clip, the sunglasses, the dangly earrings, the scarf. The (openly gay?) camel behind her actually chewed off one of her bracelets in an attempt to get the accessorizing under control.

Kelly predictably goes for a relaxed, horsey look:

Her perfect hair is looking less wavy than usual, possibly scared straight from its proximity to Jill's chip clip up-do. Her winning smile, pristine chinos, and bright white cable knit sweater say "I might be riding a camel, but I'm no camel jockey".

Ramona went with a safari suit but ended up looking like Urkel on a mechanical bull.

Best dressed goes to newcomer Cindy. She wore a red and white maxi cardigan with shorts, a t-shirt, beat up ankle boots and a few pieces of silver jewelry. It was cool but still comfortable, kind of like a temporary tattoo on your vagina (a technique Cindy invented).