Three Sisters, Taxes, Life

It's getting a little better. And by that I mean I have already mailed my tax forms to the Internal Revenue Office and the State Center (wherever and whatever they are), submitted my Financial Aid Application, nearly off-book for Three Sisters (only Act 4 left!), and have gone up for a new scene for scene study (Art by Yasmin Reza) and a new song for singing class ("I Won't Say I'm in Love" from Hercules!).

This weekend I managed to allow myself to watch a movie on a Saturday night for a change (I saw "Logan"). And then on Sunday, I went to Palm Sunday mass and enjoyed a bit of the beautiful warm weather. It's amazing how something as simple as allowing myself to breathe for a bit does wonders to my spirit. I really do love the work that we are doing at Juilliard. It's a matter of carving space for my Self and my own interests outside of the school every once in a while.

from Zen in the Art of Archery by Eugen Herrigel

Three Sisters by Anton Chekhov

Poetry, Meaning, Life

I absolutely love rehearsing every night for Three Sisters. I haven't had this deep curiosity and permission to explore in rehearsals since first year working on scenes with Richard Feldman (Acting Director of the Drama Division). I feel such a deep connection with Irina Sergeyevna Prozorov that there are times when our director, Brian McManamon would say something to me about Irina that would resonate with me as Regina. One of them are, "What does she want? Poetry, meaning, life. Go get it."

As I continue to move through my training and discover some puzzle pieces of my Self, I'm beginning to discover some holes that need to be filled. I thought that I had already filled many holes in my life through will and courage. And yet there is a hole that cannot be filled by will alone. It is more of a loosening, in fact. Loosening takes courage, too. Because loosening might entail loss. I am more used to utilizing my will to do. However, in this phase of my training I am invited to learn to be. That comes with it its own set of fears and risks. Will things fall apart when they are not in a certain way? Will things fall apart if I'm not holding on to the reigns tightly? What will happen if I let off work for five minutes?

However, in the few days wherein I've tried to let off work in place of self-care I've already felt a bit lighter. And I didn't feel that it interfered with my work as an actor at all. So I'm playing with this negotiation, and see how it affects my work and my well-being.