Sunday, July 12, 2009

I wanted to touch base with anyone still out there that might be checking in on my blog. I'm still alive.

I wish I could say that my lack of witty and urbane posts are due to my busy schedule with having ever increasing amounts of fun and frivolity. Alas this is not the case.

Unfortunately things in my little life are just not going according to plan. Which is not a new thing.

I had proudly announced that my husband was going to start attending college, since he was unable to locate work. Well that sure has NOT gone well. He ended up having a series of doctors appointments, that all but killed any chance of him doing well in school. We have our medical insurance for a limited amount of time. So he was trying to take care of all medical issues. Something he has NEVER had in the 16 years we have been together. Something has happened to one of his eyes. The Doc said that it is an occlusion. He said what kind but I can't remember. My husband describes it as looking through fabric. The Doc says to wait to see if it clears up, yet so far it's not and it may be getting worse. I have to admit that I am greatly disappointed in him and what he said he would do. I realize that it could not be avoided but so much could have been done better.

My husband and I have been through some tough spots in our relationship. I so wish I could say that these 16 years have been a wonderful romantic dream. I often find myself having to bail my husband out of some predicament. I have to figure a way to steady our quickly tilting world. I have to be the one to solve our problems. It's a burden that I didn't want to do anymore. A couple of years ago we separated for about a year. We reconciled for our children and our friendship. Yes there was love but we have always been good friends. Plus he was about to lose the place he was staying and would be homeless. I couldn't let happen. When he moved back in with me I told him I didn't want to fix everything anymore. That I wanted him to help me out and make things right. He said he would. I'm still waiting.

I have been trying not to be Super Woman, as per my husband. But with the way things seem to be going I am going to have to be the one, yet again, to fix things. (sigh) So I apologize to anyone out there who has noticed a lack of me commenting or a lack of new posts. I just don't seem to be able to feel very positive lately. Sorry.