"I'll admit I may have seen better days,
but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail,
like a salted
peanut"(Margo Channing)

Thursday, 1 December 2016

A Few Thoughts.......

The public " outing" of the extent of the sexual abuse of boys by their football coaches in the 1970s and 80s feels like that the genie has been finally let out of the lamp. In these freer, more enlightened times the victims, now in their forties and fifties , are now being believed and listened to as sexual abuse now leaves the confines of the church and stereotypical figures like the creepy scoutmaster and has entered an area, everyone once thought wholesome.
The misguided and dated ideas tweeted by the darts player Eric Bristow, who confused child sexual abuse with homosexuality has been rightly ridiculed and I thank god we are now living in an age that personal sexuality is more or less celebrated and certainly accepted at the same time that reports of sexual abuse are now believed, listened to and not ignored or given a blind eye to, as it was so often in those unenlightened days when nothing was ever talked about.

Thank goodness I never experienced any institutional abuse growing up. I do remember a teacher that occasionally turned up during showers, and I remember that the boys talked about the fact amongst themselves. Nowadays I think children are more savvy and supported and such incidences would be shared more readily with parents, safe teachers and friends.
Enlightenment breeds honestly and trust.........it stops predators from hiding in the shadows

That Bristow bloke (it's Eric by the way) is an idiot...he should be thankful such a thing clearly never happened to him - he'd know what he said was bollocks if it had! You're so right John, stuff like that was just never mentioned years ago, usually because children were threatened or told they wouldn't be believed. Or adult women who were routinely groped thought it was just part of the culture in the 70s...which, sadly, it was then.

Yes- hopefully it is out of the shadows now John. When I was a child it was whispered about but never brought out into the open and certainly I never remember my parents discussing such issues (not even sex!) As my grandson is trans gender I have read a lot on the subject and feel very comfortable with it. As for homosexuality - my dearest friend - almost my second son- is gay and happily in a long term relationship. Incidentally, I also count you in the category of friend.

My Scout Master was an abuser of children, yet why didn't he abuse me? Perhaps he knew I would enjoy and welcome it and so molesting me would not satisfy him. While I was so young and didn't have a clue, I guessed at such a young age that older men would know what to do. Mostly unsuccessfully, but so hard did I try to seduce men when I was at a very young age and I know I am not the only gay person to do so. There are laws about sex with ages proscribed, but I tried to break them endlessly when I was young. But that was me. Not other children.

There has been so much publicity about child abuse and child sexual abuse, by the church, the state and individuals, I would really like to think that pedos are just too afraid now to follow through on their fantasies and child grooming.

I've often wondered if our parents' generation was naive, stupid or complicit. They happily handed us over to the care of adults who plainly had 'pervert' written all over them, but if anyone dared to speak up they were castigated for 'telling tales'......

So true John - the other thing being the feeling of fear and the need to hold something back never leaves the victims, and can impact on everyone around them.

The fear and secrecy can stretch way beyond the victims. In the mid-70's, my Nan used to helped out with the catering when the school she worked out was used for events for people with disabilities. She hated Jimmy Savile and said seeing him with children on his lap made her sick. Only recently did we realise that she must have found out via these events, as there would have been staff & patients from Stoke Mandeville attending.

Sadly there is abuse that never gets reported, women who fear for their lives, children who fear worse than what already happens. . . there are some terribly sick and horrible people in the world and they walk around in the disguise of normal .. husbands, friends, relatives .. I think more severe punishment and perhaps some good old banishment/shun/turn away from these "sick" people who stalk children. And stop trying to make it a medical condition.signed C .. who sadly knows what she is talking about.

Good write up today. I looked up what Bristow said. He can go fuck himself with his lack of empathy. I always think about the kids who have tried to tell someone and no one listens. As if a priest, or cub scout leader or teacher somehow are free from anything unsavory.A friend once told me her daughter and friends were molested by the soccer coach at their affluent high school. Abuse of power at anytime is beyond awful and we need to be sympathetic to that.

I sincerely hope that girls and boys today are more able to disclose sexual abuse and receive early help and intervention. I'm not entirely convinced of it though. I suspect there is still quite a ways to go.

The age of innocence is over.....the time when you could send your children to camp, to sports teams, to cubs and scouts and not worry about them is over....thank goodness some brave souls decided to speak up.

Adults preying on children seem to be something I read in our paper on a daily basis. It seems to be epidemic but in all probility, it has always gone on to the same extent, but kept silent. As a child, I suspected certain priests of something icky, but I didn't know what it was. My feelings told me, though, to keep my distance.

It seems that whetever there were adults in charge of children there was abuse. Hopefully awareness and openness should mean that it occurs less often these days, although I'm inclined to think that whilst the opportunists might be deterred, not so the very determined. As with all criminal activity there will always be those who find a way to do it and get away with it.

In the late 80's I had the bad luck to be the dental hygienist for Father Oliver O'Grady, serial child molester who came to California from Ireland. You can read about him here:

http://www.snapnetwork.org/psych_effects/glimpse_mind_pedophile.htm

The most chilling part, to me, is this:"After O'Grady was released from prison and returned to Ireland, the Stockton diocese paid for him to undergo three years of outpatient therapy, he said, and also agreed to pay him $800 a month for 10 years starting on his 65th birthday.

"I would have liked somebody in the diocese or somebody to have intervened as early as possible in helping me confront this situation as a very, very serious one," he said, "and help to educate me to the very serious nature of the problem that I had and was causing."

Each time he reached into a child's pants, O'Grady said, he knew his conduct was wrong, "definitely a sin." But there was "another part of me saying, 'I can't seem to control these desires, thoughts, feelings when they come.' "

After a molestation, O'Grady testified, he always went to a priest and confessed his sin."

If the number of police reports that I type up everyday on this subject in this area is anything to go by the largest area of sexual abuse of children is in the home carried out by fathers, uncles, brothers, and grandfathers.

I hope that all this doesn't stop parents letting their children go to Cubs/football coaching etc.It must be remembered please that the majority of adults working with children are normal ordinary folk who just enjoy what they do. I was a Cub Scout Leader for over 20 years and never saw a sign of anything odd happening in our Scout Group.

This is a sad post because these children had to live through this.I am happy that now they can be heard and believed. The weight must be lifted off their shoulders now.I have a fabulous daughter who is gay and her father, the x, never speaks of her. Butthead.

My Step dad was high up in Scouting for all the right reasons I believe. My kids went one from Brownies to Guides and the other Cubs to Scouts. There are some genuine folk out there but some nasty bastards too.

The extent of sexual abuse never ceases to shock me. Now we hear that reports of abuse in football are several times higher than those for Jimmy Savile. There are a lot of seriously warped men out there. As you say, at least now it's okay to talk about it rather than shamefully hiding it.

It's not just men, Nick. There are many seriously warped women too...who are abusers themselves, or are aiding the men. I think "football" is just the tip of the iceberg. We'll see many more coming forward in all sports and recreational activities. Predators are drawn to careers or extramural activities where they can interact with children. It makes it easier for them to find their victims. So sick, and so sad for the innocence lost.

This is so unlike me that I am truly surprised when I think about, and now writing it. For those who refuse to recognize the sanctity of one's body and thinks nothing about violating it particularly with children, I have no mercy, no pity, no compassion. Anyone who molests a child or any defenseless human being should not be put in jail, should not be help in any way but should be taken immediately into custody, and with the most painful procedure free him or her of the instrument of torture. I do not believe that they can be rehabilitated or stopped. I was never abused or molested but in my practice I have seen horror stories, hear cries I could never forget, and while I like to believe I am compassionate human being, all bets are off when it comes to this subject. The victims carry the horror with them forever, it colors all aspects of their life, it never truly goes away. It taints the small happiness they may find along the way. Nothing anyone of us could do was ever able to help healing the wounds. I never gave up but I have never felt either that my efforts could make any difference. Emotional band-aids are nothing more than that.

Worst of all perhaps is that I am not a bit ashamed of what I think would be a proper punishment.

I have read that it changes who a person will be, and in my case I truly believe that to be so. It colours my relationships with older men (I trust only a rare few and still feel awkward if alone with them.) It also affects my confidence over things like job interviews. As I grew into adulthood, I liked becoming fat because it made me invisible to a lot of men, as their attention due to my appearance before that was very unwelcome. You can rise a above a lot of it, but I do wonder at times who I might have been...