Annabelle and Scarlett Darling are sisters who are very wise and love telling others what to do through a hilarious advice blog.

Showers and phobias (or Annabelle and the c-word)

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By Annabelle / Scarlett

Annabelle and Scarlett Darling are sisters who are very wise and love telling others what to do. They are very good at fixing others, themselves, not quite so much. Annabelle - who trained as a life coach - says that's how it's done. Both are in
...

Annabelle and Scarlett Darling are sisters who are very wise and love telling others what to do. They are very good at fixing others, themselves, not quite so much. Annabelle - who trained as a life coach - says that's how it's done. Both are in their 30s, although Scarlett is quick to point out that one of them (not Scarlett) is heading out of her 30s. Fast. Please send your questions to annabelleandscarlett@gmail.com

No, Iíve just become aware that it seems like my showers have taken on a life of their own.

How long can a shower take? Think of all the things that could happen while youíre in the shower. You canít stay in there all vulnerable and whatnot for too long before the inevitable sense of foreboding forces you out, screaming ďis everyone okay?! Why is it so quiet?Ē

Crikey...I hadnít even thought of all that. I just donít know how to streamline it all. Thereís the initial getting wet, then a once over with soap and then the real work starts. I shampoo, rinse that out, put conditioner, comb through. Then I wash part of my face with one cleanser and the other with another. Then I rinse my hair and my face and have to shave all the various limbs.

How many limbs are we talking?

Just the standard legs and arms.

So how much hair are we talking? Not that I even want to be talking about this. Ew.

Iím not a Chia Pet, Scarlett. But, Iím not done. Thereís an exfoliating body wash with a scrubby loofa thing. Afterward itís a copious dousing of lotion and frankly by then Iím ready for a nap. And I havenít even talked about makeup and blow drying my hair. Iíve taken to only doing this every other day because itís just too exhausting.

I donít know what to tell you. I use soap and shampoo and shave on special occasions. Joe has gotten used to it. I caught him petting my leg last week. Now we donít need a dog.

I guess I have to either decide to be more bohemian or suck it up. I really do like my face wash. Itís so fruity and tingly.

You can be a fancy bohemian. Itís going to be a thing, mark my words.

All right, now that another one of my crises has been abated, how about we help some other folks who are hopefully sparkly clean.

Q: I am having a hard time meeting a woman who shares my affinity for clown culture. Any ideas would be appreciated. †- Bozo in Bellingham

S: I will be answering this alone because Annabelle has left the room. She suffers from coulrophobia - a fear of clowns. †Which is a thing. As is clown culture, apparently. I think there are entire websites devoted to people with your affinity, Bozo. Wait, seriously, Annabelle? Texting from the hall closet?

A (texting from the hall closet): I canít help it! I am reading this book on Quantum Physics and how we create reality on the fly and now Iím really worried about manifesting aÖ a you know what.

S: So Bozo, your best bet is to read up on Quantum Physics and manifest yourself a mate,†which is as easy as any other way of meeting people.

A (still texting from the hall closet): Good luck! And please donít invite us to the wedding because Iím pretty sure weíre busy that weekend.

Q: I am not a big technology user and am extremely annoyed by my friends who insist on texting, checking email and photographing their meals whenever we go out. How do I get them to stop and talk to me, or even look at me? †- Rachel Reality Check

S: I hate that! People need to be with the people theyíre with, and appreciate their company, instead of texting the people who arenít there. We should get out our phones and facetime the people across the table.

A: (still texting from the closet) I love technology. It gives you a buffer between the real world and the one where you feel safe. Like your closet.

S: Annabelle, the clowns are gone. You can come out now.

A: Really? All right. I still contend a smartphone can save your life. Or at least keep you in a c****-free zone.

S: A what?

A: Iím not saying the c-word. You canít make me.

S: Rachel, our family has a phones-on-the-table policy when weíre together. Maybe after everyone has documented their lattes, you could suggest a phone pile until youíre sick of each other.

Q: I am dreading Little League Baseball season because whenever we go to one of my daughterís games, my husband talks non-stop with one of the other dads and seems barely aware of the game. I have to elbow him when sheís at bat. I want her to feel supported, but I also am self conscious that heís looking like a jerk. Is he being a jerk, or am I? - Catcher in the Wry

A: Why would anyone be glued to a little kidsí game?

S: Your own little kidís game is fairly gluey. Itís more fun when itís your kid in the outfield looking for four leaf clovers. But those games are also the only social opportunity a lot of us have.

A: I love your kids and would go to Paisleyís games, but I think itís entertaining for about five minutes, and then I will be asking your opinion on my new pants. By the way, what do you think of my new Pixie pants?

S: I love them! But back to my kidÖ. I mean, Catcherís kid. Go to the games. Cheer like crazy. Be the parent you want to be and let your husband do his thing. I know the odds are against it, but there may be an aspect to parenting heís totally got the edge on. Itís okay, I canít think of anything either, but thereís probably something.

I have to say, it was kind of fun writing in the closet. It gave me a new perspective. Well, once my heart stopped racing and I went to my happy place.

Itís a good thing weíre sisters.

I know. Youíre sort of stuck with me. Iíd do anything for you. Well, as long as it doesnít include c****s. Or bats. But weíll discuss that another day.