Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Truer words have never been spoken. Graduates, I urge you not to fall into the traps of greed and envy that so plague our culture as you go out into the world. Corporate America has a way to pressure you, break you and change you. But remember who you are, where you came from, and that you are a unique individual capable of changing the world. You've already achieved so much, and you have your entire lives ahead of you to achieve whatever you dream. Don''t give up, don't give in, and truly follow your heart. There's no better judge of character than your self.

So Seniors, to quote Polonius from William Shakespeare's Hamlet one more time:

To thine own self be true...

Unless its for more than 6 figures. Then fuck it am I right? You can buy happiness.

This phrase should be used exclusively when you are with friends from college, and when in their company, graduates, you probably should not say "This one time in college" since that's all you'll be talking about anyway.

We're gathered here at this blog to celebrate and honor the graduating class of 2009 from all over the country.

I am but a novice in the real world... barely out of the educational system that built me up, knocked me back down, built me up again and then made me develop an alcohol problem... but I feel justified in giving you graduating seniors what little advice I have in my arsenal.