Wednesday, November 14, 2012

And then there was a list and something about velour pants

1) You know how sometimes, you want exactly what you don't have,
and you want it in the worst way, but then once you actually have that
thing you're kind of like "Oh. Shit. I clearly just wanted that particular thing because I DIDN'T HAVE IT RIGHT THAT SECOND."? You guys. Being home is kind of like that.

2) I say "kind of", though, because in some ways, being home is marvelous and right and home.
I had no idea how much I'd missed visiting and chasing The Prince's
youngest brother (he's 10) up the stairs to the bathroom to start an
epic teeth-brushing race. NO IDEA.

3) The drive across the country was mostly awesome. By that, I mean
The Prince is still alive and he also still loves me (I think). Both of
those things were put at high risk during that trip: Life & Love =
IN SERIOUS DANGER. That's just what long roadtrips do, or, well, what
I'd been told they do. In reality, we had a lot of fun, lost
our audio-book virginities, ate a lot of pretzels and went pee in a lot
of gas station bathrooms.

4) The one major hitch with our trip was the day we came across
BOULDERS on the Trans-Canada highway before the sun had even come up.
The Prince swerved the Jeep to miss the first bunch, then, of course,
hit a huge one. The rock destroyed two tires and two rims, and we were
50 kilometres from the nearest tire shop. Please take a second to cry at
the expense of that crap on my behalf. The full hysterics of this event
should really be a whole post, so sit tight. For now, let me start by
saying that there was a lot of "How have we managed to entirely
avoid hitting any moose, and then, wait a second, no, FUCK YOU,
EXHAUSTED TRAVELLERS, here's a BOULDER. In the middle of the ROAD.
Beause I'm the Trans-Canada and I'm HILARIOUS. And there's no cell
service, because fuck you even more."

5) The Prince and I have started new jobs. We both work at the same company now, and oh goodness can you even imagine. I've already made sure that all of our coworkers are aware that A) I wear the pants in this relationship and also B) I'm the funny one.

6) We are living in limbo. We spend most nights at The Prince's
parents' house, mostly because we're allowed to be in the same bed
there. We're not allowed to be alone in the same room together
at my parents' house, let alone the same BED. Also, my dad refuses to
heat our house properly because he's a jerkstore, so my choices for sleep are
1) Become an icicle or 2) Cuddle with The Prince. Seems like an easy
choice, right? You'd think so, but toss in The Prince's awful cold
that's been working as a premium-grade SNORING AMPLIFIER and you've got a
whole other thing goin' on.

7) I went to our small town's new WalMart last night at 10:45pm while wearing velour sweat-like pants, a paint-speckled hoodie that says "HOCKEY" on the back of it and a plaid pair of slippers. I am fashionable as fuck.

You have been missed oh so very much!! Glad to hear you are all ok, but we need to know more about this boulder situation!!!! hope your able to get your own place very soon!! haha and i love the walmart story!! in the uk people are banned from wearing their pyjamas in Tesco (a big supermarket) quite hilarious! although you would totally still get in their by what you were wearing.... I think! :P

You have no idea the excitement that I had when I saw your blog today! Because I'm like where the heckfire is my favorite fiesty blogger friend? AND HERE YOU ARE!

Sorry about your car! =[ shitty. One time, we were driving to Seattle and they were blowing up boulders along the highway and stopped traffic at like 5:00. At night. We all stopped our cars and got out and wandered around on the highway for like 2 hours. Because I definitely think that explosives and boulders belong on highly populated highways.

I can't wait to hear more of the story because I know it'll make me laugh my ass off. Also, yay for working together!!! I loved working with Evan but only because I'm clingy and needy. Jk but Srsly.

I definitely pictured traveling through on asteroid field when you said there were boulders. That sucks immensely. And the parents thing, I definitely know how that is. My parents won't let G and I sleep in the same room. The one time we visited them he had to sleep on an air mattress in what used to be my brother's room. He didn't tell me the air mattress had a leak until we were back in Seattle.