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Topic: meet the family (Read 4932 times)

Just a bit of harmless humour, although i do have to laugh when some guys say, i don't give her (partner/wife) anything, not only is that far from the truth but if you didn't give anything, not only would your partner/wife lose face with family and friends but you would soon be on your own, she has to be seen as bettering herself. We all do it to keep the peace and you wouldn't want your other half to lose face now would you

When meeting a thai girl what’s the rush to meet the family

Some questions you want to ask yourself is what’s the real reason she’s asking me to visit the family, You barely know each other, are you being lined up as a walking atm, if you think you are and disregard your instincts and are willing to be carried on the wind of uncertainty, you could end up spending more than you bargained for.

Do you really want to go to meet the future could be outlaws, what's there for you, right out on the farm at the back end of nowhere, you will be in someone else's hands where safety comes to mind, whats in it for you, fish n chips when you get there or a nice pizza, nah, i don't think so. could be a sick buffalo. a trip into the unknown

Of course if your considering to marry, that's a different matter, If you ask an Isaan girl where she’s from you might get the answer Korat, buriram or udon, but fails to tell you her home is about 40 kilo from the town at some isolated village.

But no worries the locals know your coming and will give you a nice welcome, might even be a party on for you, but don't forget you will be the one footing the bill. This little trip to the outback to meet the family could end up a financial disaster. after all she has to save face to show people her new partner is not a cheap charlie.

As for having a dump or shower in the outback loo, no paper and you clean the excess from your rectum with your hand dipped in the common water container, then sleeping on a wooden floor, do you really need this. Ah! well you might like camping.

The romance of village life in Isaan might wear off quicker than you think. there's nothing to do when you get there except listen to the whisky drinkers garbling away to you in a language you don't understand, your own fault, you paid for the whisky ha! ha!.

But i have noticed the poor people are the most hospitable people in the world. There is nothing that they won’t do for you to make you welcome. If you do decide to go it could be be one of the greatest experiences of your life. for better or worse. Oh! don't forget to take a torch in case fie-dub.

Now if bar girls are your forte when you visit Thailand and your next visit you look up the same lady, she might insist on you accompanying her on a visit to her home village, could be in isaan, where you may come face to face with the harsh, bitter, sickening, degrading, humiliating, and dehumanizing extreme poverty of rural Isaan.

From an article from way back in 2002 from the stickmanbangkok.com website, farang words of how it is or was then and giving you some idea of an isaan girls past, true or not who knows.

MY TRAVEL COMPANION

You might also learn something like I learned about a more or less typical bar girl’s family. Like this.

My girl left school at 16. Her family consists, (or consisted), of the grandfather and grandmother, her father and mother and two younger brothers. She was supported through her nine years of schooling by her father and mother who both worked as common laborers in the construction of buildings in the area, mainly houses. The working life of a common laborer in Thailand is about 10 to 12 years. A visit to any construction site will tell you why. So by the time she left school her fathers working life was pretty well over and after that he was able to work only at small short-term jobs. Both grandfather and grandmother were too old to work.

She got a job in an electronics manufacturing plant in Chiang Mai for 150 baht a day. She worked there for four years before moving to another firm in Bangkok where she made 200 baht a day. Of the maximum of 4000 baht a month she made she never sent home less than 2500 baht a month and sometimes 3000 to her family. She did this by living in 4 and 6 girls to a small room and living on less than a dollar a day for food. This money became the only stable source of income for the family other than periodic work in the rice fields and the 35 baht a day her mother sometimes made weaving Thai silk cloth. The older of her two younger brothers finished his schooling last year hoping to also get a job in a factory but the economic slowdown has dimmed his chances.

In Thailand, social services such as we are accustomed to in the western world does not exist other than that provided by a few NGOs scattered about. According to Winston Churchill even during the Great Depression, “No one starved to death in the English Speaking world”. (Although John Steinback, in his Grapes of Wrath, disagreed.) Not so in Southeast Asia. People die of starvation every day in Cambodia although today it is called malnutrition and exposure. Like the woman who died with her young baby in her arms on the sidewalk in front of our hotel in Phnom Penh a couple of years ago. If you are poor, uneducated, helpless, sick, no work, sleeping on the sidewalks, etc there is no help for you.

You can only turn to your immediate family and if they aren’t there God help you. This harsh reality of life in a developing third world country is what keeps these families together. It is important that a foreign man understand this before getting deeply involved with a girl from a poor family. Their family will always come first. This has to be accepted and understood. Unfortunately, it rarely is.

Last year her father, a smoker, as most of these poor people are, contracted lung cancer. His medical costs, mainly for pain killing drugs, were 150 to 200 baht a day. Now the family was in crisis because daughter was making only 200 baht a day in total and needed some of that to live. A girl friend got her a job as night time Go-GO dancer in a bar where she was paid 4000 baht a month.

That 4000 baht added to her 4000 baht day job salary gave her father the 200 baht a day he need until he died January 5 of this year. Of course as a good looking new dancer she was in demand but the other girls and staff knowing her predicament looked after her. She was relatively unscathed by the experience. I was introduced to her last September by a mutual acquaintance who felt she would be a good girl for a long-term relationship with me. She lives with me now in an entirely new life style. She is a very nice young woman and we are very happy. But hanging over us every day is the predicament of her family and her responsibilities to them.

I relate this story because I know that the family aspect of it is typical of all of these girls. As Stickman says you ought to stay away from bar girls. Not many western men can cope with the scene through a long term relationship or marriage.

MY TRAVEL COMPANIONI arrived in Thailand about 8 years after 2002 but I am not sure I recognize much of this. It is true that, in Thailand, you can find people who do not have very much in the way of material possessions but I would not describe any of them of being poor. I have seen real grinding poverty in the Philippines and India, but never in Thailand. The article mentions the lack of the social services prevalent in the West. The provision of such services just encourages people to think that the state will take care of everything..free accommodation, free “benefits” and enables the recipients to fully indulge themselves in daytime television. In Thailand, everyone realizes the need to be self-sufficient and not to depend on the state for help. Not surprisingly, the employment rate is around 98%. In my view, the Thai system of family taking care is far superior and avoids the need for dumping old folk in dismal “Retirement Homes”.

good words there t/t - In Thailand, everyone realizes the need to be self-sufficient and not to depend on the state for help. Not surprisingly, the employment rate is around 98%. Thai system of family taking care is far superior and avoids the need for dumping old folk in dismal “Retirement Homes”.

as for old people being cared for by the family, i would say thai people have more respect for their elders than westerners.

My opinions on that is “The love and affection of the family can’t be substituted” but as there is a growing number of elderly citizens in the Asian Nations and Social Research at Mahidol University showed Thailand as having the highest number of senior citizens. Alone the suicide rates of those aged between 70-74 have increased more than those of young people in their 20s.

Interesting to note that Camillian is a Catholic organisation. Without wanting to sound too cynical, I wonder if they are planning to import a load of old folks from Europe and charge high rates for the accommodation? Anyway, it is definitely not a Thai initiative.

"Outsourcing the old folks" to the depth of Isaan has been discovered long before the movie "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel", TT. In Thailand there are several "initiatives" by farangs already busy in that field. The nearest I heard of is in Buriram: http://lanee.ch/en/

So we agree that people have come up market since 2002, but it gives an insight to readers what it used to be like, bearing in mind that a lot of articles you read are exaggerated to the hilt, is that what makes them more interesting. Well here is the second part in the article from stickmanbangkok with isaan right at the front, is that where it all happens. wandering chickens and buffalo their excrement all over the yard and people drinking water drained off rooftops, no fridge and the place is swarming with flies

ISAAN REALITIES

Its hard to believe that this province, which comprises a large chunk of Thailand roughly a third to half of the land area and with 20 million of the roughly 62 million total Thai population people, remains so poor compared to the rest of the country – but poor it is.

There has been some previous discussion in Stickman’s weeklies about the advisability of visits with the girls to these rural areas. I am not a particularly typical visitor having spent a lot of time in rural Cambodia. So I have been exposed to the extremes of poverty and deprivation before. But I am not hardened to it as some people apparently are and I cannot accept it as an inevitable aspect of human existence on this earth. Probably, if you are like me and you are affected by this sort of thing you should stay away from these villages. One's sensitivity to these sorts of thing is dulled by drink – unfortunately, (or is it fortunate?), I don’t drink much. It is a consideration though and I think you will be better off with a “glow – on”.

Its one thing for a middle class tourist to ooh and aah over watching an old lady weave a silk cloth on a handloom in her yard. The more astute observer would note that the yard is full of wandering chickens and their excrement, that the buffalo are paraded through the yard every morning and evening and their excrement rots in the yard; the stables are below her sleeping quarters; that the only water available for cooking or drinking is water drained off the rooftops when it rains and it is polluted from storage in the large vats strewn about and sitting in the 35 or 40 degree heat.

that most of the cooking is done over wood fires because there is no money for either a stove or cooking gas; that there is no fridge, that the place is swarming with flies; that the nearest medical clinic is 20 km away and the nearest good hospital 200; that in any case there is no money for medial care; that the toilet consists of a squatting hole that drains into a hole in the ground and is separated from the outdoor kitchen area by only open lattice framework; that there is no paper and you clean the excess from your rectum with your hand dipped in the common water container; and that in the evenings and mornings the place is swarming with malaria and dengue fever laden mosquitoes.

On inquiry the astute observer would learn that this old lady works at least 8 hours a day at her little loom and earns, if she is lucky in her sales, a grand total of about 35 baht or 80 cents a day.

The degree to which you are bothered by these sorts of things should be a major factor in your consideration of the advisability of a visit.

Before we carry on with the rest of the article from stickmanbangkok, yes there is even more On the subject of retirement homes for the aged farangs in thailand, this is just a bit of humour and i'm sure nurses and carers are the most caring,honest and decent people, with isaan the best part of thailand.

But as folk get older they lose some of there marbles, some even go into a second childhood, now if they were well off and had a whopping pension, would that make them vulnerable, by the people who take care of them, remembering the farangs family is thousands of miles away in farang land.

In your imagination

Now picture the carer saying, would you like to come home with me i'll take care of you. we have lots of animals (in the back end of nowhere) off they go wheelchair n all, i'm hungry can we eat, yes when the family finish, you can have whats left, where do i sleep i'll never make them stairs, you'd be better off sleeping in the wheelchair than on the wooden floor. I want a poo, shuffle yer chair round the back you'll find the loo,

He was gone for hours stuck on the squat toilet couldn't get up, they heard the screams, i've dropped my atm down the loo, there was the whole family there to help. We have to go into town tomorrow it's your pension day, clean your card up, if your too messy to get in the truck don't worry we will tow you into town with a rope attached to your wheelchar

are you ready for the next part of the article from stickmanbangkok remembering it was from way back in 2002. Oh! no, more worries on health and looking after yourself, protect yourself from mosquito bites, malaria even Dengue Fever, One sip of polluted water can bring Typhoid Fever Not forgetting your vaccinations, Typhoid, Typhus, Tetanus, Meningitis, Polio, and Hepatitis A & B. you could end up looking like a second hand dartboard.

Assuming that you have decided to make a visit to a village in the province your next most important consideration should be prevention and care of your health. It is very easy to become far too complacent about disease when one spends his time in cities like Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Pattaya, or Phuket. But these are the tropics and if you are not careful terrible illness can strike you down at any time. (Sometimes even when you are careful).

One mosquito bite can bring you down with a virulent killing case of malaria or set you back for days with Dengue Fever. One sip of polluted water can bring Typhoid Fever. I made a mistake one evening in and drank half a glass of polluted water. You cannot imagine what it is like to have a case of the virulent dysentery that I caught. Unless you have experienced it you cannot fathom the degree of the dehydration. Water literally pours out of your rectum. Only the antibiotics, anti-parasite drugs and rehydration salts I was carrying with me saved my life. As it was I was so dehydrated in 12 hours that my lips were sheet white.

My advice with respect to health in rural area is this. Don’t even consider such travel if you are allergic to any antibiotics. That is a given. Forget about all you read about the widespread misuse of antibiotics without prescription. You must look after yourself. These articles are written by people who have never been 200 kilometres from a hospital while flat on their backs with malaria or some other tropical disease.

Secondly, don’t consider travel in the rural areas if you do not have a full set of immunizations and vaccinations. You should have Typhoid, Typhus, Tetanus, Meningitis, Polio, and Hepatitis A & B. And if you plan on being cute by munching on a rat or two with the peasants in the rice fields of you had better be immunized against the bubonic plague as well! All of these should be entered in your international immunization card and carried with your passport. If in spite of all advice to the contrary and against all human logic you insist on partaking of a bit of the old “In-Out” it is also a good idea to get a medical book and simply scan through the long list of venereal diseases prevalent throughout Asia. It’s a long, scary list and just scanning it will dampen the ardor of even the horniest of men.

Get yourself a clearly marked first aid kit about 5 by 8 inches, empty it out and equip it with the following: Antibiotic ointment, Antibiotic ear and eye drops, 6 tablets of Fansidar, 15 tablets of Amoxill (general antibiotic) 500 mg., 15 tablets of Tetracycline 250 mg, 15 tablets of Lomotil or Imodium; 20 tablets of Flagyl 250 mg (for water borne parasite infestations of the gut) now the most common cause of severe dysentery and not prevented by boiling water or even chorine, some band aids, a small roll of bandage, a roll of elastic bandage, a pair of small tweezers, and a small bottle of anti-insect ointment containing Deet. Follow the instructions for using these drugs and when you get back to the city go to a good doctor in a hospital and explain what happened to you and what medications you took. He (or She) will handle it from there.

Purchase and carry with you a mosquito net and use it.

You will have to make a personal decision on whether to use preventative tablets or rely on other means of malaria prevention such as ointments and netting and, as a desperate attempt at a cure, Fansidar. Fansidar is not very effective now. The problem with the preventative tablets is that the only really effective medicine can have side effects and is useless unless it is taken as intended – that is prior to and well after your return. Talk it over with a good pharmacist. Another problem with malaria and dengue fever is diagnosis – so if you really come down with a fever you have to decide on Fansidar, Antibiotics, or both.

I know that some of these medications are prescription drugs back home and most travel books caution against carrying them through customs although they are available across the counter at all pharmacies in Asia. I can only say that in my extensive travel throughout Asia over the past 6 years I have always carried such a first aid kit in my carry on bag which has been searched many times and not once has anyone ever questioned me on the contents. Just make sure they are in their unopened, clearly marked packages, and in a clearly marked first aid kit. However, if you are worried about it you can always put together a kit like this perfectly legally on arrival in Thailand, for example, and discard it when you leave. The cost is minimal.

No matter where you are there will be a little store not far away where you can purchase bottled water. Buy it and insist on using it for everything, even brushing your teeth. The locals probably can’t afford it but you can. And always look carefully at the contents of the bottle. Look for sentiment and lack of clarity.

Boiling water is ineffective in ridding it of parasites and poisons such as pesticides. the more well to do people in the expensive residences have large pressure cookers in which they “cook” the tap water for 20 minutes under pressure at temperatures well above the boiling point. Some people in Thailand probably do this as well. This cooking under pressure is supposed to kill the parasites as well as bacteria. They use this water for drinking and cooking. Don’t trust it.

Take more money than you think you are going to need when you visit these villages. You will want to buy some food for the large evening family gatherings and some cola and Mekong whiskey goes a long way to promoting conversation and friendship. If you don’t know any Thai, language is a problem. But I was well coached in etiquette by my girl and she handled some basic translation. At any time a smile will get you by a difficult moment.

All of the forgoing is simply common sense. It is also common sense to stay off motorcycles. The number of people killed and injured on these things in Thailand is astounding. During the four days of our trip in the Songkran Festival week this year 279 people were killed and 19,000 injured on the roads of Thailand, most of them on motorcycles.

The d/m says 'People who embrace the "better to die young" attitude may underestimate their ability to cope with negative age-related life experiences as well as to find new sources of well-being in old age.'

A bit about getting on in life and how people judge others, my views have changed since i have matured in life, that's understandable. We are all gonna die one day, so why not have and do what makes you happy while your here, as long as it's legal and nobody gets hurt along the way.

Gossip and jealousy plays it's part as well, i've read on forums over the years some spiteful words directed towards guys with a younger woman on his arm. she's half his age thats disgusting, is it, two consenting adults, he's happy with his catch at his age and she is happy with the atm card he's got. where's the problem. we are here to better our lives along with your thai partner, that wants to do the same.

Sometimes the relationship don't work out and ends, so does life.

I overheard some farangs in a bar near to me, they was looking at an oldish farang guy walking by carrying a young child, one chirped up, fancy having young children at his age, little did they know the child wasn't his he was the grandad. But so what if it was his child, as from what i can see most of the children here are brought up with old folk yi-da or bu-yar.

Back on track i know you've all been waiting for the rest of the isaan thread, a great read from who else stickmanbangkok. where this guys thai girl wants to reunite with her family over the sonkran period, so off they go, only to find. Oh, it’s grim! Shacks with corrugated iron roofs with more sheets nailed haphazardly on the frame to form walls. as for the hong nam and the large concrete vats which is used for drinking and cooking no difference to what they use and do in my soi even today. below is part post from the article MY VISIT as it's a long post to digest all in one go

MY VISIT

My girl hadn’t been home in a long time and like all of these rural girls she wanted to be home for the Songkran Festival. Partly to accommodate her, and partly to see the country for myself, I agreed to take her to her village about 40 km from Chaiyaphum.

My girl’s family including grandfather, grandmother, mother and two brothers plus various cousins and family friends met us on arrival at the station. Altogether a good 15 or 16 people with 3 pick up trucks. We piled in the back for the 40 km or so ride to her small village where we arrived at the crack of dawn.

Oh, it’s grim! Cambodia all over again. Shacks with corrugated iron roofs with more sheets nailed haphazardly on the frame to form walls. The only door of any significance is the large barn type door at the front entrance.

These village shacks all have the same basic interiors. They are two story affairs with the main downstairs room more or less bare of any furniture except a TV and VCR. The floor is concrete. No sofas or chairs. There are a few straw mats to sit and lay on. There is a rickety stairway to the upper room which is the main sleeping area although depending on the size of the family there may be people sleeping all over the main concrete floor as well as upstairs. There are no windows as such. The place will be full of large gaps in the siding and cracks in the floors. There is no protection from mosquitoes although in our case there were several nettings available – lucky for me because I had forgotten to bring one. I am getting careless in my old age!

The kitchen is outdoors next to the house under a lean-to nailed to the outer wall. Most of the cooking is done over a wood fire although they had a small gas range but I suspect no money for gas. There is no refrigerator. Therefore, food must be purchased as and when required. Pork and fish don’t keep long in the heat and are soon covered with flies that are in abundance. I don’t know where they get the food. I suspect there is a butcher in the village somewhere who supplies fresh meat and fish. Various carts and bicycles go by all day, their riders selling various fruits.

The common toilet, bathroom, wash-up room is outside next to the kitchen. It consists of a concrete block room about 7 feet square with a corrugated iron roof. In our case an old rusty chunk of roofing salvaged from somewhere. There is a large concrete square box full of water with two small plastic basins floating in it. The floor is concrete. On one side is a squat hole which must have a U-trap under it as one flushes it by dipping one of the small basins into the tub and pouring it down the hole. There is no smell which given the circumstances was a pleasant surprise. After one squats over the hole and defecates the procedure is to fill a basin with water and wash yourself. There is no paper so you use your hand or hands. Having completed your toilet you flush the remaining water down the squat hole and return the basin to the tub where the next person uses it to pour water over his or her body as a shower bath. This water drains away through a hole in the floor. There is some soap lying about so you can use a basin of water and wash your hands. There is certainly no septic system or underground holding tanks so I take it the wastewater simply is drained into a large hole. Hence the pollution of all the well water.

Each of the houses in the village has several (as many as 6) large concrete vats in the yard. These stand around 5 feet high and 4 or 5 feet across at their widest point. They look like they come from the “Plain of Jars”. They have tin lids. They store rainwater, which is used for drinking and cooking. This is obtained by draining it from the house roofs via a couple of portable tin troughs. Bottled drinking water is available from the local small store but no one can afford it. Hence the need to store the rain water. In the dry season, like now, these vats of water sit out in the sun and since even basic hygiene does not exist one can only surmise what is in this water after it sits for a couple of months or more. Think of the good one could do for these people simply by explaining what they could do with a gallon of bleach.

My girl’s home was one of the worst of the lot. Anything of any significance had been purchased by her including the roof; new beams made from salvaged wood, TV, VCR, 150-cc motorcycle. But basically the place is unsalvageable. Another thing which one notices is that anything of value that these people do manage to acquire such as motorcycles, bicycles, TV’s, VCRs are badly looked after. Everything is beat up after a couple of weeks or months. It’s like the majority of welfare cases look everywhere in the world.

Often the upper level of the house extends over the stable for the cattle (buffalo) where they are housed during the night. The house next to ours was like this and to let us have a bit of a rest after our all night trip they had laid out a couple of sleeping pads over the stables where we were able to lay down for a couple of hours.

what’s the rush to meet the family and whats the rush to get married so quickly, some farang guys who meet a thai girl whether online or in a bar, get too serious too soon what's the rush, if it works out good luck too them, but i've known of guys meeting a thai girl, marry and honeymoon all in about a month. Is it possible to get to know that person in such a short time, let alone the change in culture, is that why there's so many disasters and bad luck story's.

A good idea might be living together for a while before getting married, if you know nothing about how thai girls mind works or the culture, do the rounds first, live in thailand for a while before getting married. BUT .. she said she loved me, then if that's true she'll wait, don't get pushed into it.

Remember the Thai brain is wired differently from westerners and there are many shades of grey. A lot of guys all look in the wrong places for a girl of their dreams, like bars and naughty places, then some wonder why they get a broken heart, not to mention the gold diggers. If you want to meet a decent girl come and live for a while, if you want to visit the naughty places, by all means do, but maybe not a good idea to look for a wife there.

If you was in uk or us and was asked for money by your girlfriend, what would you say. Here in thailand farangs are tripping over their own feet to part with their hard earned cash to thai girls. funny thai girls feel unloved unless your lashing out on them with expensive gifts and so on.

On saying that if you find a decent girl marry and settle down, you'll still pay, most times it's gold first then a motorcyle then a home and maybe you'll have the family waiting for hand outs. So different to your western country where you come from. Treat your girl at times by all means but don't be a fool, not only will you lose your money but also your respect.

She is different, My girl would never do that - YES .. i"ve heard that a few times and you can read it here in another article from back in 2007 from who else, yes of course, the wise old owl himself stickmanbangkok. I love you ... take it with a pinch of salt. enjoy yourself but don't get too exited just yet, give it time, Ha! Ha! and a mention of the sick buffalo. lol.

Failing to heed the red flags

Very often a love-smitten farang will go into a curious state of denial about his Thai girl. “She is different”, “My girl would never do that” are common phrases you will hear. The truth is in Thailand you would be surprised at what can sometimes go on.

Yes in the West there are extra-marital affairs, two timing and so on, but in Thailand it’s on a whole other level. When I was a Thailand newbie I commented to an long term expat in Bangkok that I wasn’t aware of many famous Thai people (with the exception of Tata Young of course J) such as scientists, novelists, inventors or Nobel Prize winners, his curt reply was “they are all too busy having sex”. While maybe a little churlish there is a grain of truth in it.

Relationships in Thailand can be fragile and volatile. Even by their mid- twenties most Thai girls will have had their hearts broken badly by a Thai man and tend to adopt a “never put all your eggs in one basket” approach. This is particularly true when they are in “husband hunting mode”.

Let’s face it there is no shortage of guys (Western and Thai) in Thailand, but finding a good husband is very difficult for a number of reasons (which I won’t go into here).

When you have just started dating a Thai girl and she is swearing her undying love to you, accept it graciously and take it with a pinch of salt. Enjoy the relationship for what it is, but don’t get too excited just yet. You need to give it time. Keep observant and the clues will start to come. The furtive phone conversations, the little (and big) lies, the unexpected trips to visit the sick water buffalo. Very often the hazy evidence of a “background boyfriend” will materialise. I have even unwittingly been one myself.

All’s fair in love and war, and never more so than in Thailand.

Watch for red flags carefully, assess them logically. Just don’t pretend they never happened.

On the question of money hmm if your contemplating into going in to a relationship, married or just living together, sooner or later the question of money will be mentioned. financial support and so on, now what is a fair figure or what are you supposed to give, might depend on how well off you are.

we hear on the forums be carefull there are some goldiggers, money grabbers and the likes of. but i know for a fact there are a fair few decent,hardworking,honest girls out there.

but i can't get my head around guys sending money from abroad to support a thai girl, some send thousands and thousands of Baht every month and then complain that their partners are moneygrabbers, is it a traditional thing or what and who knows where the money ends up.

is it fair to say fair that many Thai women who gravitate towards foreign men may have a financial expectation in mind, i think so. Ah! well i suppose There’s no one-size fits all formula as different relationships have different circumstances and expectations.

I speak as i find as you know and my brain tells me if the guy is half her age fat and is a mess with nothing going for him, he would need something to make him attractive, so thats where the money comes in. There is nothing wrong in giving a monthly salary to your thai partner, thats if your living together, but from another country, no, no. I don't want to lose her is the call, boy there is so many more, you won't lose nothing and still have your cash.

if you settle down and get married in Thailand and you behave the same way you would with a Western woman then you wont last long. that's the way it is here.

well we've listened to the vids and me on how to behave when you are married to a thai girl, you have to take care of her family as if they were your own.

BUT ... what about her family towards you, they have to in return accept you and remember you are not only there as a financial need alone. bearing in mind you don't speak the language, your from another country with different cultures, they must respect yours as you respect there's.

So what happens if they have teenage children. Here's a little story that happened a few months back.

the teenage son moved in with them

A uk guy i got to know was dating a thai girl that lives close by, i always stopped for a chat with him when he came on his three monthly visits. he retired a little while ago came to Thailand to live, they got married, bought a plot of land, built a house on it, did they live happy ever after, noooooo.

I met him in a restaurant a while back he is now staying in a hotel, he's had enough of the unruly son, he told me, first little things of his started disappearing, like 1-2call scratch cards, odd bits of cash, then his gold went missing whilst in the shower, only him and the boy was in the house, but as usual the old denial came into force when he told the wife. you must of lost it she said, he wouldn't take it. what with that and his new home full up with his new son's friends, bits of motorbikes all other the place

Now this guy has sold up everything in the uk to settle here, spent a lot of money, but where is he on the pecking list.

It depends what sort of life this guy was expecting? Maybe he was hoping for a continuation of his own western suburban existence. I am sure he would have benefitted from taking a look at this video. The guy has adapted perfectly to local circumstances.

It depends what sort of life this guy was expecting He wasn't expecting his gold to go missing whilst taking a shower

The guy has adapted perfectly to local circumstances Well he's not stuck in the rat race like a lot of folk

An update from the locals (above post) on the wife concerned, the land he thought he purchased to build the house on was already in her name, unbeknown to him. a german guy from a previous relationship gave her the money to buy it. so relatively speaking he bought the land (what he will never own) off his wife, unknowingly, sneaky a. He only had a budha wedding i hear, thank god. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good the guy in the vid is happy, that's great. thanks for sharing. Here's another vid of the guy below.

comments below the vid are good: I would gladly give everything up to have the life you are having Graham! Loser? I don't think so mate! You have found utopia! The rest of us are stuck in the rat race! Brilliant video mate!﻿

Great clips very entertaining but not reality, is he playing at a Martin Wheeler - A life full of riches Yes he is good at talking but i don't see him doing any work.

The guy lives at playing the good life but he lives like he does because his purse strings won't stretch any further. expats farangs who have worked all there life come here to retire and live in a bit of comfort, now would you like to live like that, the place is a tip, junk everywhere. But everyone to there own as they say.

most thai style houses are more tidier than that. do you honestly think if they won the lottery they would live the same, of course not. i bet the gossip of the neighborhood is, look have farang no money.

I am sure he just ignores the gossips. He seems to be quite happy with what he is doing. There is a lady who lives quite close to us with a house in a similar state to Graham’s. Apparently she is very wealthy but that is the way she chooses to live.

There’s nowt so queer as folk, except me and thee, and even thee’r a bit queer.

How many times have you been out with wife and she see's a friend she knows, they strike up a conversation, then out comes, can u get farang for me, like they are a commodity. anyone that's been here a while must of heard it.

YES OK. No problem, how old would you like your farang to be, any particular country, fat or thin, tall or short, never a mention of whether he has any money, But money is in mind all the time. why, because all farangs have money, so some think. Leaves little space for love.

Could be most Thai girls just want a man who can support their family, anything else is a bonus

So what is the most important thing in a relationship with a foreigner, Ha! Ha!.

A piece of info from a thai woman on thailovelines.com now married to a farang, she lists the key differences between a Farang husband and a Thai husband

Farang men like to talk and explain what they are thinking. 'I met my old husband last year to sign a document and he could not talk to me. I could tell he was sad but he could not talk. I feel sorry for Thai men that cannot explain what they are thinking. But sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes I get fed up also with people that talk too much. I prefer to do. But I now know that this is one reason why my relationship with my new husband is so good. I can understand him.

Farang men do not like lies even small lies. 'For Farang everything must be right and up front. My husband gets impatient if he cannot understand everything. In Thai culture sometimes we do not say everything.'

Farang men are more faithful. 'All men are men and like to look at beautiful women even sexy women but I think farang culture is better about this.'

Farang family is harder than Thai: 'In some Farang families everyone must take care of themselves. But I think good farang families are also like Thai families where everybody tries to help each other. I know many farang friends though my husband and even though farang countries have so much help from their government, I think Thai culture is warmer.'

there is big difference between Thai and farang culture. Her advice for Thai women is to learn about farang culture but remember always that they are Thai. 'If a Thai girl or women wants to have a real relationship with a farang guy, she must learn about his culture but also she must have a pride in her own culture, there are the good guys out there and bad guy, it doesn't matter whether they are Thai or Farang.