Get ready for company: Don't lose friends when staying with them

With the economy cramping travel plans for many this summer, more vacationers are opting to cut costs by rooming with relatives, a close friend or an old college roommate.

Sara Browning

With the economy cramping travel plans for many this summer, more vacationers are opting to cut costs by rooming with relatives, a close friend or an old college roommate.

Whether “playing host” for a weekend or arriving as the guest of honor, “please and thank you” can go a long way toward making a memorable impression.

Lizzie Post, an expert on etiquette with the Emily Post Institute, provides answers to some of the tough questions surrounding the potential success (or failure) of a weekend in good company.

Be honest

When deciding whether to stay at the home of a best friend or relative, the first thing that usually comes to mind is the risk of imposing on someone who would rather spend a quiet weekend alone.

“It’s important in this type of situation for both sides to be honest with one another,” Post said. “There’s nothing wrong with saying: ‘You know, I’ve had a really busy week, and I just don’t think I would be much fun this weekend. But, if you don’t mind, I’d love to take a rain check.’”

On the flip side, Post says, a potential houseguest should always avoid the appearance of seeming too pushy when inviting him or herself to stay the night.

Here’s a good way to approach this situation: “I was thinking of maybe coming into town in a couple weeks. Would you mind if I stayed the night? Dinner’s on me!”

“Set some dates, and let your host know exactly when you will be coming and exactly how long you will stay,” Post says. “This is very important.”

Sizing up space

A large home is not necessary when hosting only one or two people.

“It’s nice if you have two bathrooms and a guest bedroom, but these things are not required,” Post says.

Post says a host will rarely give up his or her master bedroom.

“The host will typically not move out of their bedroom because it can feel awkward for a guest to ‘take over,’” she says. “Most guests are more comfortable sleeping in a guest bedroom or on the sofa.”

Creature comforts

Is there space enough for a guest — and his or her pet?

“This is definitely an issue a host will want to discuss beforehand with a guest,” Post says. “A host should never be made to feel as if a pet has to be accommodated — especially if a host has pet allergies. A guest should respect the host’s decision.”

A question of cleanliness

How clean is clean enough?

“A house must be clean enough for an outsider to feel at home,” Post says.

A host should clean his or her entire house — especially the bathroom — and make certain there is extra shampoo and lotion on the bathroom counter.

“It’s always kind to be accommodating,” she says.

What’s for dinner?

Mealtime sparks the most questions when it comes to proper etiquette.

“If a host is in the middle of preparing dinner when a guest arrives, a guest should always offer to help,” Post says. “However, don’t feel awkward if a host says: ‘Just relax. I’ve got this.’ A guest is a guest.”

“Avoid topics such as money, politics, religion and bathroom humor,” Post says. “If a touchy subject happens to come up, politely and quietly listen to any opinion. Use tact if asked to give your own thoughts.”

Should a host serve a dish the guest does not care for or simply cannot eat because he or she has certain dietary restrictions, Post says it is perfectly fine to refuse.

“You may want to say: ‘No, thank you. But it looks lovely.’ If your host serves a meat dish and you are a vegetarian, you can explain your diet, but make sure you take the rest of the food,” Post says.

A guest should never feel obligated to take seconds or feel guilty about leaving a little something on his plate if he cannot eat anymore.

“If you’re worried about offending your host, you can always say: ‘No seconds for me, thank you, but I’d love to have the recipe if you don’t mind,’” Post says.

After dinner, a guest should always offer to help with the dishes and cleanup. Most hosts will never refuse an extra pair of hands.

Houseguests are encouraged to offer to pay for dinner one night — even if it means paying for groceries — as a way of saying thank you to their host.

Early to bed, early to rise

When staying at someone’s home, it is always appropriate to rise and “turn in” at the same times as your host.

“It’s nice when a host can tell a guest: ‘We get up at 9 a.m. and breakfast is at 10 a.m.,’” Post says.

Once the breakfast dishes have been cleared, a host should have one or two activities planned for each day. However, Post cautions hosts from planning too many daily activities as guests will usually want some “down time.”

The three-day limit

“After three days, a visit can get to be taxing,” Post says. “Politely let guests know about hotels in the area if they would like to stay any extended period of time.”

When the time comes to leave, guests should never leave a mess behind.

“Everything should be put away,” Post says, “not only when guests leave but also while they are visiting. A good host will provide places to tuck things away.”

Following up

After a visit, Post says it’s always a good idea to follow up with a thank you card or send a small gift of appreciation in the mail.

“Don’t go overboard on spending,” she says. “Flowers make great gift ideas. Movies, music, or golf balls can be good things to send.”

The State Journal-Register

Never miss a story

Choose the plan that's right for you.
Digital access or digital and print delivery.