Don't speak harshly

Strgar believes that how you say something is more important than what you say. Whether you're asking your partner for a quick favor or working through a more difficult issue, keeping a respectful tone is key.

"The tone that we use in the smallest requests and in our biggest moments of revelation is probably more important than the content of the conversation," she said. "In memory, what we'll remember is the tone, not the words."

Don't complain about something they do

Instead of telling your partner how much something they do annoys you, Strgar recommends reframing the issue as a problem that you both want to solve and learn from.

Instead of saying "You always leave your dishes in the sink and it gets on my nerves," you can have a conversation about how household responsibilities can be divided more effectively.

"Expressing our unhappiness or complaints about someone else goes nowhere fast if the delivery just raises their defenses," said Strgar. "Approaching your issues as a shared problem to solve has the chance of becoming a mechanism for growth."

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Never express negative thoughts about yourself

Don't bring yourself or your relationship down.
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Everyone has insecurities. But if yours are always at the forefront of your relationship, that's not good for either of you.

"We all carry some degree of insecurity of not being good enough in whatever ways stick with us. Adding fuel to this fire in intimate relationships only makes it worse," said Strgar. "If we have bad thoughts about ourselves and we're continually expressing those thoughts to our partner, then what happens is we start to presume that that person is thinking those things about us.

Strgar recommends telling your partner that you're struggling with those negative thoughts instead of presenting them as facts.

Don't blame them when sex isn't great

If you're looking to improve your sex life, Strgar says that communicating your likes and dislikes instead of blaming each other is the best way to make sure that everyone is satisfied.

"I think a lot of sexual talk between partners becomes a blame game," said Strgar. "To say 'I know I like these kinds of touches and when you touch me like that it doesn't feel good' — that's pretty mature sexuality to be able to do that."