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A noob that needs re-assurance.

Hey,
first I just want to say I really like this forum. I just accidentally googled one of your articles, and since than I started a Journal in the Field Reports section called MY SUMMER JURNAL. I've made incredible progress in just 3-4 days. But there is one thing I am stuck on.

I realized, that when you go outside, try to get girls or even talk to your male friends you have to play this "social theater". I have always thought that it is immature and unnatural to act this way, but when you play this theater, everything is just going well, compared to when people find you boring with your logical thinking.

But I have a tendency to slip back and stop playing the theater sometimes, because I am not totally convinced it is the right thing.
I want to ask you, more experienced people, do you also have this feeling like you are playing a social theater when you are outside? Do you think it is necessary to play the theater till the rest of our life? Is it really that important in life???
I am ready to start playing this "social theater" every day from now on, I just need words from someone more experienced to assure me.

Thanks for the reply, Also feel free to check my blog, it's full of my deep thoughts

One of my biggest hurdles of starting this was something David D mentioned a while back in one of his DvDs. A lot of people read about this and think "well I could never say things like that. That is not me. That would be a fake me."

That is just your ego trying to protect you from the hardships that come from learning game. I remember thinking the exact same thing. Man I don't need this. That wouldn't be me.

Fast forward to a year later. I like the new me. I like being able to socialize with people about random things in any venue. I like going into work and having a person in almost every floor of a 32 story building say hi to me. I like getting free extra food at the caf because I am friends with all the staff. I like being able to go up to a woman and tell her she is sexy and flirt with her. I like all those things.

I was a huge introvert growing up and thought what you call "social theater" was stupid and I didn't need it. That was just my ego protecting me because I didn't have the tools to socialize at that level. Now I do or getting there is a better way of saying it.

It is not social theater man. It is just you being more comfortable in social situations. Let go of your old way of thinking and enjoy the new and improved you.

So basicly, the "social theter", or the "game", that we are building now is going to be with us in any social situation, in any social place and is going to be a part of us until we die right?

There is no social theater or game. You either want to socialize with someone or you don't. What you call "social theater" is basically the skills you need to acquire to be able to have a meaningful conversation which leads to a connection to someone else. Those come with practice because a lot of people are introverts and have no freaking clue how to have a meaningful conversation with a random person.

The question should not be "social theater or no social theater", the question should be are you happy with the way your social life was before you started this? Yes or no? If the answer is yes then continue what you were doing. But obviously the answer was no if not you wouldn't have come here seeking new ways to meet people.

The thing is that everyone has a different perception of this game, socializing. That's logical as we are all different. But for me it's always going to be a theater. I am not going to start thinking like, yeah, suddenly this is a new me. No. It is the old, logical me, that realized that you need to play this game, and so I will start playing it to improve my life.

I am just writing this because I am a very logical person, and try to have an explanation for everything I do. And I am trying to find someone that feels similar to how I do, and who can assure me that it is the right thing to do.

Not playing the theater for the last 3 years because of my problems with my dick caused me to get into depressions, health problems and so on. It pretty much ruined my life. So I think It's OK to make a big deal out of it, and to try to reach a logical conclusion.

I have an engineering degree. How much more logical do you want me to be? I have gone through a lot of shit that I will not be posting on here before I got to where I am. I know exactly where you a coming from. I am telling you all that negative shit you got in you (which is normal, I had tons of it and slowly cleansing it out) is just that shit. That is why you are doubting if "changing" yourself for this is a good thing or not.

Here is your biggest problem :

Originally Posted by JoeJo

TAnd I am trying to find someone that feels similar to how I do, and who can assure me that it is the right thing to do.

Why do you need validation of a random person in a random message board who might or might not be credible (this goes for instructors too) to tell you that its ok. Why do you need that? Because I have done this for a year makes me credible? Because another person can type "I've banged a bunch of 10s you should do it" does that make them credible?

You don't need anyone's approval to do what you want. If you don't want to do this fine. If you do then fine also. It is up to you to figure out what you need to do.

Yeah man it seems that you have gone through a lot of shit. I have too. It fucking sucks man. I am right there with you on that. But you can either make the best of it or fall deeper and deeper into depression. If I were you I would choose the former.

The road to happiness is going to be long and hard for you but what is the alternative? Staying in depression? Feeling sorry for yourself? That is no way to live.

I just glanced at your journal and realize wtf is up with you. Dude what you have is called social anxiety. Because you have always felt less than people due to your problem.

Well that shit is behind you now.

Also, this social theater you keep regarding to is not an accurate term. It is just you letting this social you that has been there all along but been repressed due to your mental and health problems.

When I was in my early 20s I remember clearly being super introverted. I had friends who I would let my personality out with but not with strangers. If a stranger came into the group I would go mute.

Well one time we go out to this bar/restaurant thing that we always frequented. The bartender (girl) knew us but I hardly ever said anything to her. My other friends would flirt with her uncontrollably and I was a social retard back then so I didn't know how to. I always thought "man they are so childish doing that she isn't even that cute, whatever I don't need to act like an idiot to get friends".

That was just my ego trying to shield me from the reality that I had no social skills whatsoever. Of course I wanted to be part of that conversation but I didn't have the tools how.

So one day I got a bit drunk and just start fucking going off on the bartender as if I known her forever. I went from being mute to talking like I talk to all my friends.

I still remember 10+ years later what she told me while smiling and laughing hysterically at our conversation "I like this you".

There is no social theater dude. There is just your social self that desperately wants to come out or the introverted self. Nothing else.

The thing with me is that I was able to socialize, talk to girls and everything when I started high school (15yo), but after I realised I can't fuck a girl with my dick, I turned away from socializing. Now I am trying to get back to where I already was. So basically I turned the whole game down, I convinced myself that it is not good for me, because of my dick problem.

And now (20yo) I am just trying to re-gain my trust in the game, and try to realize that it is good for me. I feel like I should get back to it, but it's still the old me trying to hold me back. It's hard to defeat your own mind, that's why I am looking for some outer support.

The thing with me is that I was able to socialize, talk to girls and everything when I started high school (15yo), but after I realised I can't fuck a girl with my dick, I turned away from socializing. Now I am trying to get back to where I already was. So basically I turned the whole game down, I convinced myself that it is not good for me, because of my dick problem.

And now (20yo) I am just trying to re-gain my trust in the game, and try to realize that it is good for me. I feel like I should get back to it, but it's still the old me trying to hold me back. It's hard to defeat your own mind, that's why I am looking for some outer support.

You just answered your own question. Your ego went into self defense mode as soon as it found out you couldn't fuck girls. It said "I don't need to socialize and anyone who does is stupid".

Well now you are free of your problem. But like you said, you have had 5 years of your brain telling you (lying to you actually to protect you) this is not good for you.

In a nutshell you have been lying to yourself to protect yourself due your problem. That is all in the past. It is going to take you sometime to get your old self back . But it is still in there. You just need to want it and go for it.