Ho ho ho

I just wish you Christians would stop closing down my beloved cafes and bookstores during your holidays.

If there’s one of the yearday when I really want to go unwind over 60 oz. of Columbian with a stack of obscure periodicals, it’s Christmas Day. While others excitedly tear open their gifts, I howl in fury at the bolted doors of my favorite haunts. Year after year.

Were we still in Washington, DC, we’d at least be able to go to a sheesha joint, but we’re in the South now.

As I’ve said before, America desperately needs a "Shabbas goy" arrangement for keeping these vital civic institutions running 24/7/365. Surely there are enough Muslims, Jews, Jehova’s Witnesses, Hindus, Wiccans, Atheists, Buddhists, …, out there to put an end to this annual torment.

A belated Happy Hannukah to my Jewish friends floating out there in the Blogosphere, as well. Haven’t blogged in over a week, so I’m woefully behind on my holiday greetings.

Well, even though I’m a Christian by heritage and tradition, I sympathize. During the years when I was single and living away from family, I often found myself at loose ends on Christmas. And one year, I was at loose ends with my parents in a strange town. They were quite nonplussed – what to do on Christmas Eve? They were just in from Beirut and our family plans had suddenly fallen through (don’t ask) I said – let’s go to a CHinese restaurant. What? Well, you see, I said, Chinese and Jews are the minorities in America who don’t celebrate Christmas, so it’s a kind of “thing” in Jewish culture to go to a Chinese restaurant on Christmas. Because they’re probably open. My parents thought it was bizarre, but they were willing. It so happened that we were staying in a motel in a California beach town, right next door to a really good fusion Chinese restaurant. I’d heard rumors of it up in San Francisco. Upscale with Zen-like decor and amazing food. We went over and sure enough, they were open. My parents were delighted. They didn’t get Chinese food in Beirut in those days, the early-mid-90s. Our Christmas Eve dinner turned out just terrific. My parents were amazed that so many people were eating at a restaurant on the holiday. Now they know…I regaled them with stories about Kung Pao Kosher Comedy, the San Francisco dinner-comedy act that runs during the holidays featuring Jewish comics and CHinese food. Of course if you are in the SOuth even Chinese food may not be an option. Good luck is all I can say…