are you ready?

I don’t think you are ready for me. I don’t think you are ready to see the deepest darkest side of me. You say you want to be there for me and want to be the person that I turn to, but you turn me away when I needed you most. Even if it was just to talk. It makes me not want to say things to you anymore. You accept the present part of me and want to focus on the future, but what is the future without the past? The past makes us who we are now. Unfortunately there are some things from my past that continue to haunt me, that I have to struggle through and try to move on from, but you have to accept that part of me too. I don’t expect you to understand everything that I tell you or have an answer or say anything for that matter, I just need you to be there. I told you that I am broken and that there are parts of me that need a deeper understanding. You told me that you made your choice and that you knew what you were getting into, but did you really? I think maybe, you bit off more than you could chew. I don’t want you to feel inadequate because you don’t know how to handle my situation. You won’t have the answer to everything. Just don’t turn me away when I try to open up to you. I don’t expect you to make any sense of my overly imaginative, chaotic, extremely complicated world in the beginning, it will definitely take a lot of time to navigate through that messy of a maze where even I, sometimes get lost. Just don’t make promises you can’t keep and don’t fill me with empty words. I’ve had my heart tangled with, messed up and shattered to a million pieces already, I don’t need to add anything else to that list. The only thing I expect from you is to just be yourself and don’t try so hard that you set yourself up for disappointment.