(Closed) Very sad…and feeling alone.

I feel really pathetic. To the point where I was on a verge of tears but I share an office with 2 other co-workers, so I need to keep it together.

I just got married 2 months ago to the love of my life and he really is my best friend. We love and laugh all the time.

But I have noticed a lot of things changing my own little personal life. Like my friendships with my two best friends have changed, my relationship with my mother is getting worse. I just feel very alone. And I have expressed this to DH and he said who cares, you have me. And yes thats great, but I like to have my own social life, you know?

I hate that I can’t call up my mom and have a normal conversation. My sister and I don’t talk or associate often because of her BF. So we have minimal contact. And my friends have distanced themselves from me ever since the wedding. Its like, I got married, I didn’t divorce my social life!

@Daizy914: I agree with PP arrange a girls night. Invite all your girls. If some dont show then keep inviting them to do a few other things, if she still says no then it may be a lost cause. That is when I would ask what is up.

@Daizy914: This is tough. I am a firm believer that relationships either grow and evolve or end. Life changes are going to happen – moving, marriage, a new job, having kids – and true friends adapt and make getting together work.

If it bothers you – and it obviously does – maybe you can go out on a limb and try and repair the relationship with your family. It takes one person to make the first step and then who knows what can happen.

It is a strange phenomenon when friends decide to become shitty just because life is busier and you can’t see them all the time. My suggestion? Start a new hobby, join a book club, get yourself out there and meet folks in a similar life stage as you.

I think often people in relationships tend to shut everyone out but their SO, this may not be the case for you but it happens often. i am sure your friends and family miss you too, just reach out and make your self interact with them. It may be awkward at first if its been a while but it willget easier again as time goes on. I think the healthiest relationships are those that continue to have lives of their own, do things without their significant other sometimes. After all, what on earth will you talk about if you only socialize with each other for the next 20 years.

Just take some initiative and plan things with your friends/family. As we get older, we have to be more proactive about socializing. Is it that you’ve invited your friends out and they’ve been “busy” too often? If that’s the case, maybe you need to rethink your choice of friends. But if it’s just that they’ve been more distant, all you need to do is put a littl energy into the relationships. Invite them for lunch/dinner/movie/etc. Maybe set a weekly friend “date.” Maybe they think you’re in the “honeymoon” phase and don’t want to bother you. If you show them you’re interested in maintaining the friendships, they will probably respond in kind.

@prahajess: all my life, all i have done is try to repair the relationship with my mom, and I have posted before about her, if you want you can read previous posts to get an idea of how she is…its just beyond repair because she always plays victim and the guilt trips are getting old.

@WillowTreeWade: you are right, thats what my sister does. But my DH and I were always invited out to things, and now we are hardly invited. I feel like they think oh they are married, why would they wanna go out?

@lookingforadvice77: I have invited them to our New Years Eve party but my one bridesmaid already said she won’t be going because he ex might be there (understandbly so, her ex bf is best friends with my DH)…my other firend who was also a BM, won’t be going because her BF doesn’t like to be around anyone except his family, so she will be with him, and the other girls won’t come to my party if the other 2 BM’s won’t be there. So I am trying… and this weekend, Saturday, I am hosting a little mini thanksgiving party for just us girls, so it should be nice and I’ve missed them. BUt I am just sad that I haven’t been invited out to other gatherings that they have gone to…I don’t know what I did besides get married?

@Daizy914: You need to talk to them more openly about your feelings. If they are making you feel left out, you need to call them up and say “Hey, I was sad that you didn’t invite me to _____. I feel like we haven’t really connected since I got married. Our friendship is important to me. Did I do something?”

It’s not easy, but it will grow your relationship in ways you couldn’t have anticipated.

@Daizy914: Marriage can change friendships… and it sounds like you are going through a transition period. Focus on yourself, your marriage, and rebuilding a social life. Try to include the people that are in your life from the past (if they say no, then you’ve done your part) and keep moving forward. You’ll hopefully make new connections as time goes on… but, it SUCKS! I didn’t think marriage would change some of my relationships and it definitely did. It was really hard, but it doesn’t stay that way.

@Daizy914: I know, it’s really hard and I’ve been in therapy almost two years to get better at it. I’m not kidding when I say that it will grow your relationships in unexpected ways, though. Our relationships can only have so much depth when we don’t feel comfortable sharing our pain with other people. I guarantee you that if they are worthy friends, they will be grateful that you’re sharing your emotions with them instead of stuffing the hurt down and being alone with it.

Yes, all the PP Bees are smart. I just moved to Prague and none of my friends have been reaching out– VERY different than in summers past when I have visited and people always made an effort to see me. I think it has a lot to do with assumptions; people assume I’m busy with FI. And I am! But still…