From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

YES 182

Once my love for you was so great
But it’s too late to love me now
It’s too bad,
You say you need me, and it’s too bad
I know the feeling and it’s so sad
But it’s too late to love me now!”

If my life was a musical that would be the song that would have been playing in the background as he walked away, Dolly Parton and it reminds me of my mother. Why are men like this though? One day they are shiny new toys, amazing, magnificent, full of promise and hope, bringing happiness and excitement at the new adventure you want to share forever then the next moment they an abomination that leave a bitter taste in your mouth tears, heartbreak and betrayal? Why are men like this? If you asked me to put money on it on who ate the bloody apple in the Garden of Eden and knowing how men are so weak to temptation I would swear it was Adam and not Eve! Think about it, the bible was written by a bunch of men who hardly had anything nice or significant to say about women. We have this capacity to love that knows no boundaries then Sfiso happens to you. He walks into your life and opens your heart up and just when you need most and you see hope that Sfiso in your life drops you in an instant! Sigh!

“I want my wine!”

I said out loud but that was not going to happen now after seeing that miscarriage with Miriam. This would have been the perfect moment to take it out then drink and cry myself to sleep. I called Nthabiseng,

“So I had a great time with Mbilahelo on the road trip back today!”

I confided her and disappointingly she responded,

“Which one is Mbilahelo again?”

Ouch,

“Dude you making me feel a bit slutty now! It’s the cop from the other day!”

I reminded her. We had actually discussed him before but I guess with my chopping and changing she could not keep up.

“Oh yes him so what happened?”

She asked me.

“He kissed me! I swear I couldn’t feel my knees for a moment when he did! His lips, you saw them moes, they are thick but soft and it was like being kissed by Shaka Zulu with Maps Maponya lips!”

I told her and she burst out laughing.

“I am close to your place I am coming there now!”

She said and before I could say no she had hung up. I did not want company all I wanted to do was cry and go to bed but 15 minutes later I was sitting with her.

“Tell me more please I want to hear everything!”

She said all giddy like a school girl who had just gone out with her crush for the first time.

“It was just that but that’s not why I had called you. When I got home I found someone I did not expect at the door!”

I told her.

“Who?”

She asked me getting very excited. It’s weird how people like drama this much. Nthabiseng was so fascinated with I was saying she had even taken off her shoes at this stage. Imagine she had diverted her trip home to come here for the love of one thing, drama! I can’t even call it gossip because it was things happening to me right now.

“Sfiso!”

I told her.

“Wait? Is he not in England?”

She asked me.

“Yes he is I mean he was. He showed up at my doorstep and told me how much he wanted me back. He even told me that he is moving back to the country for me and only me!”

I told her. She looked at me sceptically before she asked,

“Did you let him in?”

She asked me.

“Of course I did not let him. Remember how he left me when my mother died and remember what he said about the calling?”

I asked her. With girls we almost always confide in someone when something happens in our lives so Nthabiseng new pretty much everything.

“Yes I recall but this dude just flew half way across the world to say that he wants to be with you! That my friend is worth looking into!”

She told me. I guess she had a point but my mind was set, or at least I think it was sent on the press no button.

*And then there is Simba! He is still calling and we don’t really have chemistry but he is a solid honest guy and that’s very rare to find these days!”

I reminded of which she let out a low whistle!

“Nah friend you really have nice life problems neh?”

She said shaking her head and I don’t get why people keep on saying that when a girl is being pursued by many guys. It’s not a nice thing because you are going to hurt people some you really like.

“Must I pour you a glass of wine?”

She asked me.

“No thanks I don’t feel like drinking.”

I told her.

“I will help myself then!”

She said and went on rummage my cupboards looking for it. She had been here enough times so I did not have to show her around at all.

“So what are you going to do about this little situation?”

She asked me as she sipped on her wine. Goodness watching her drink it made me thirsty. I missed it and I just wanted a taste but I calmed my cravings by focusing on the issue at hand.

“So what should I do? Must I give Sfiso a chance to make his case? He does not deserve it though!”

I asked her but also made clear which direction I was heading with him.

“Goodness I feel like you putting me on the sport but you know me I like complicated,”

She said but stood up first and went to the bathroom before she came back and said,

“I am your friend and you asked for my advice so I will give it. I won’t lie the fact that Mbilahelo is a cop is a complete turn off for me and no, it’s not because of the money he earns. I work with the police and my findings are that they are bad news plus they like chasing women. They are just like taxi drivers the only difference is that they wear uniform. They are also very abusive if reports are true and it’s always in the papers. Most of them it’s not their fault that they are abusive to their spouses at home but rather because they see so much on the street without right support structures at work to stop them from being desensitized. With cops I always fear that it’s only a matter of time before he snaps. We already live in a world that is abusive towards us now imagine living in that world with a man who has a gun next to him, what happens when he snaps and you the one in his way? It really is something to consider!”

She told me and I won’t lie it’s something I had thought of but not in this much detail. I looked her straight in the eye and said,

“Now you are scaring me Nthabiseng ah come on do you really think he is capable of that?”

I asked her.

“I don’t know and I don’t want you to be there to find out I was right. Regardless I am not telling you what to do just that you asked for my opinion. Now for Sfiso. I have always been a fan of him you know that but the way he left you at the funeral reminds me of a man that can leave his woman at the altar. You once said how funny he is and how you guys genuinely clique. I remember how you glowed when you were with him so I have no doubt what he does to you. My problem with his is that can you trust him?”

She told me. At least she was objective even though her bias was towards Sfiso. The problem with Sfiso is that they are those men who are hard to love but when you do fall for them you find it hard to break up with them even if they cheat or abuse you. He is the type of man you fall in love with deeply so much so you compromise everything for them.

“Shit! Shit!”

Nthabiseng said jumping up.

“What’s wrong?”

I asked her.

“I just remembered I forgot something at the office! Fuck! I have to go!”

She said putting on her shoes.

“Do you want to come with me?”

She asked me.

“No I am beat I just got back from Durban remember! Another day will come no problem!”

I told her and I was not lying. I went to bed with so many thoughts in my head but I did not sleep. I had the worst nightmares and this is when I took the decision.

Enough is enough!

First thing in the morning I went to my aunt’s place. I was taking a gamble on this one but I had fully my made my aunt up. I did not tell her I was coming I wanted to show up the same way she had showed up at my place.

“Lungi, this is a lovely surprise!”

She said when she saw me. She was tending to her garden, who does that nowadays? A lot of people don’t remember that they can plant their own vegetables anymore.

“Thank you aunty but this is not a friendly visit!”

I told her.

“I know that already. I dreamt of it but I don’t know what you need of me!”

She told me.

Huh?

“Ok then but I will say it. I am refusing the calling. It’s not who I am and I don’t want my child to grow up amongst mysticism. I respect my traditions and culture but for me accepting a calling would be going too far!”

I told her.

“I am sorry that I wasted your time trying to get me through it!”

I told her. She smiled at me which took me by surprise.

“You do not have to apologize to me my dear I am not the one who gave you the gift, more powerful and caring people did!”

She told me picking up a garden fork and stepping on it. The way it pieced into the ground felt like it was piercing through me for some reason.

“You said something about how it might affect my children but like me they will have the opportunity to decide on their own when the time comes!”

I told her. I had thought this through. I wanted to be done with this chapter of uncertainty in my life.

“Like I said you are telling the wrong person.”

My aunt said stepping out of her garden.

“Can I make you some tea?”

She asked me.

“No thank you! I have to go.”

I told her.

“Ok then we must talk later. I respect your decision but there are a lot of steps to go. It’s not just a matter of you refusing and things going your way!”

She explained but I just wanted to leave now. I got into my car and drove. My phone rang and I did not know the number. I picked up.

“It’s me. Don’t say my name please but you know my voice right?”

It was Nthabiseng why was she being dramatic now.

“Ok dude that’s weird but I don’t have any drama for you so early in the morning unfortunately!”

I told her laughing.

“I am afraid I have drama for you. Were you home around 9am?”

She asked me.

“No I was not why?”

I asked her. She was sounding all serious.

“I think the police came to your house to arrest you this weekend. They have already arrested Simba!”

She told me.

“I don’t understand why would they arrest Simba and what does this have to do with me?”

I asked her.

“Your old company just sent us their heads; they say you and Simba firstly colluded to get the contract with his company. You were in a position of power and you influenced the contract by having a relationship with the client. You then conspired to defraud them by forcing them into a settlement before you made Simba the go ahead to quit the contract!”

She told me and I laughed.

“Come on dude that’s ridiculous!”

I said scoffing at them. I almost said her name but phew I did not.

“I am afraid this is as serious as it gets. They hired a private investigator that has been following you around. I am not supposed to tell you this but in a day or two your accounts might be frozen so if I was you I would take as much money out as I can!”

You are a wonderful writer sir. In the office where I work there are 13 of us who are reading your blog and everyday at tea the discussion is what happens next. We even have two white girls reading and when you do the racial topics they say it’s uncomfortable but it’s true. YES is really powerful and is the life of many of us young women.

So my problem: I am dating the sweetest man ever and the problem is exactly that…he is too soft. Everyone I have introduced him to questions whether he is gay or not. My own mother asked me that question so much so that I asked him if he was. He said he was not but did not take offense as most men would put in that situation. When we go shopping for me he insists on choosing my outfits and he is very stylish. He is so feminine sometimes I feel like I am the one who is clumsy and awkward. Our sex life well, sex! He acts as though it’s something he has to do to keep up appearances or is it now in my head where I am seeing things like this. The other day I put porn on TV and he was not turned on at all. I could be naïve but I thought men get horny on that. I asked him if he wants to be with someone else as he never initiates sex and he cried tears. Is that normal? I don’t want to hurt this man because like I said he is sweet. I want to help him find himself and I don’t know how.

Please help me understand my man so that I can at least help him understand himself.

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26 thoughts on “YES 182”

Lungi eish your life😪. Mike’s fan entlek what do women want. Get a good guy he’s not manly enough and friend zone. Get your manly man abuses and cheats on you then you say amadoda yizinja. Please pass that man to me. Ngiyazifunela mina. Stop trying to find fault where there is none. You will regret it.

you are right, plus they told her that she should not accept the money and never be in contact with Simba but her being miss know it all she will struggle and i am sure no company will hire her after this scandal, she should just accept the calling. She also forgot that her child is the 3rd generation and will suffer more than her and her mother.

You have summarized it nicely, I wish she could give her aunt a chance to explain everything. Even now her aunt is telling her that there are steps she has to follow instead of listening uneshori yobubhanxa.

And sadly that is how most of us YES people alike, we think we know it all.

Thanks Team… Can Lungi die or something? U-too much dear. There is just no peace and tranquility with you, yonke into nje umshikashika 😫😫😫
@ Sweet guy – for a moment there I thought you were going to say his problem is having a ‘dicklet’… He is probably gay and just doesn’t know it or admit it yet. For the fact that your mom asked, then there is something there. Uyabona umntomdala…

Just enjoy your man! He is sweet and affectionate and caring. Most men have that I don’t care attitude and here you have someone who cares . If there isn’t any evidence of any gay tendencies leave it alone. He is just soft . And also gayness isn’t just about being soft . You will find even badasses can be gay.

Thank you for the read, can’t wait to read more can’t you post 2 chapters a day bathong?

Lungi kodwa why are you so stubborn, wait, I don’t think you stubborn you just don’t listen and listening is a skill dali you better accept the calling or life will be very painful for you.

Regarding Sfiso ai just forget about that man, you were warned about him and another thing your ancestors already should you your future hubby so why are you still leading the rest of these men on. Do what’s right for once in your life, you already lost your mom what more do you want to lose before realizing that this shit is real.

Hi Mike
Interesting writing indeed, I saw someone on facebook facing some drama which made me sing that Dolly Parton as she thought she is wiser. I do have my theories on this calling thing which are not popular, but I know that if you don’t totally reject (or accept) it then bad luck will follow you. Sfiso is one of the problems that will stick.

QnA
Some say if it quacks like a duck blabla. So you have to have your own observation if he really plays for the other team. Let’s say you think he does play for the other team and you wonder what’s he doing with you? The answer is that he wants to change and does not like playing for the other team (and of course he cant admit the issue of the other team to you)!
What’s in for you? You must accept that he is bi therefore your jealous must be directed on both genders but gays would be subtle and “wont take him away” from you but just borrow him for a weekend. Some people are able to sustain the life they have chosen for years while some revert to men after a while. So if you want to keep him, just develop his “man” side, this may include things/foods to increase his testosterone (google those things) and be the stronger one in the relationship.
Someone once told me that those bio guys will really love you more than you can spell LOVE so just enjoy the ride and pray that it goes for a longest time. On the other hand, I heard that women are not wired to deal with man cheating with another man, so prepare your heart for that and take it as any cheating, incase it happens.
Let me stop “bellowing”

Has this man said that he loves you? is he respecting you? does he treat you with dignity? We women are quite interesting sometimes. We find a good man we question him. take your man home, love him, be a woman. if he is gay, take the kids money and home. if he is not, live.

Of all the blogs I have ever read, YES is the only blog which have went deeper on the calling and ancestors. And suddenly generations is writting about it lol. You are really talented and I hope you go far.

Hi Mike,
Thank you for this great read, this story for me has been more than an eye-opener and had me questioning my whole existence. On my mother’s side, there is a rich history of Ubizo and my mother is not a formal healer and her mother and 2 of her sisters are healers. Now I’ve been having these strange water-related dreams and my luck is nothing short of Lungile’s. For the longest time, I could not understand how one person can have as much bad luck as I do, plus no one has ever brought this up to me or with my family. But now as I continue to read this blog I find myself questioning my being and everything that’s been happening to me or around me at the same time I am very sceptical about Ubizo. As I come to understand it now it’s not something to be taken lightly because once the first step has been taken there’s no going back. I can let sleeping dogs lie, but also there’s that small voice that keeps on saying “what if”.

Thanks for your amazing blog, I’ve been a follower for sometime and read all the blogs but never commented. You are doing the Lords work to enlighten, entertain and give people like me an escape.

Mike, I just cannot help it, but also yesterday on Generations. I saw the similarity on Getty and Lungile. Remember Lungile’ s mom refused the calling? The same exact thing is happening on Generations, it turns out that Getty’s mom also had a calling which she refused hence she disappeared. And Getty is educated and think highly of herself just like Lungi on YES. I don’t know but it’s so weird. We were even discussing it today here at work with people I work with.