View full sizePress-Register graphicWith a little practice and a sharp knife you can be slicing up a holiday turkey like a pro. (Press-Register graphic)

See if this sounds familiar.

Your Thanksgiving table is a thing of beauty, right out of the pages of Southern Living. You literally can’t put another dish on the table because there isn’t room.

Your house is filled with hungry guests who are waiting to be dazzled.

And there, smack in the middle of the table, is a magnificent, 15-pound turkey, roasted to perfection. You want to weep at its beauty.

Suddenly, panic and dread overwhelm you. Somebody has got to cut this thing up, to render this regal fowl edible by whittling it down to recognizable pieces.

Cooking the perfect bird is easy; whacking on it with a knife is tough. And nobody wants to ruin a perfect day by butchering a poor bird beyond recognition.

But it really ought not be that difficult a task. Assuming, of course, that you have opposable thumbs, are reasonably able to take directions and, most importantly, have access to a sharp knife, you can carve a turkey with aplomb.

Here’s how I do it.

For starters, don’t make it a spectator sport. We’ve all seen the Norman Rockwell-type artwork where the guests all sit around a laden table while Pappy skillfully whittles the turkey down before their eyes.That makes for a mighty pretty picture, but in the real world I’d much rather admire this noble creature on my plate, sliced into perfect pieces of meat.

If you want that sort of Kodak moment where everybody stands around the bird, gather your guests together for a photo, then retire to the kitchen where you can do your work in private. Allow them ample time to pay proper respects to your lunch as it comes out of the oven or frying pot.

Now, not a lot of tools are required for this task, but the necessary ones are really necessary. You will need:

¡¤A good, sharp knife.

¡¤A long-handled carving fork to hold the bird.

¡¤A large, clean cutting board or other work surface.

¡¤Two good-sized platters.

¡¤Paper towels.

¡¤A trusted guard.

¡¤A good, sharp knife.

Ahhh, you’re getting ahead of me, those sharp-eyed readers who really pay attention to this stuff. I did, in fact, mention a sharp cutting knife twice on purpose; a sturdy knife capable of holding an edge is mission-critical to this task, and if you don’t have one, go buy one or borrow one.

What sort of knife is up to you. In years past I’ve recommended at least a 10-inch chef’s knife, but that may be too much knife for some folks. Any size will work, but a larger knife makes it easier to cut through the breast meat.

Sure, you can use an electric knife for this, but just be sure to clean off any lingering fish guts from fishing season.OK, the bird is out of the oven, and everybody is done admiring it. Don’t start cutting into it just yet. It’s a good idea to cover your bird in aluminum foil and allow it to “rest” for a full 30 minutes before doing any slicing or dicing.

The application of heat to bird causes the natural juices to make their way toward the surface. If you start cutting on the bird while it’s still very hot, these juices will continue working their way out of the bird and onto the cutting board.

If you allow the turkey to rest, these juices get a chance to return to their natural place in the bird. The result: a much juicer turkey.

Note: This also works for beef, pork or chicken; I’m not sure about how it works with Tofurky.

After your turkey has been allowed to rest from the rigors of the oven, place it breast-side up on your work surface. For me, a large plastic cutting board works great, the kind with the little curved indention around the edge to catch any errant juices or bits of meat that may try to escape.

Resist the urge to dive right into the Cadillac of turkey meat — the breast — and remove the leg quarters first. Grab the leg right where it joins the turkey at the hip and give it just a wee tug. If it’s cooked right, the joint ought to pop out with only minimal pressure.

With the aforementioned sharp knife, cut through the hip joint and remove the entire thigh/leg piece to one of the platters. Repeat on the other side of the bird.

<cb>Next, I like to do the wings. Some folks mock the wings as being pretty much unnecessary and somewhat shy of meat when compared to the more glamorous turkey breast. But I like the wings; they are a nice bit of meat before you get the main course.

The process for removing the wings is similar to that used to detach the leg/thigh combo. Grab the wing with your hand and pull it away from the body. Slice down through the joint (using the aforementioned sharp knife) and cut through to remove the wing.

Now for the part that everybody likes: the white meat.

Turn the bird still facing you and the breast still up, make a horizontal slice from the bottom edge thorough to the rib cage. This allows the next step to occur.

Next, starting from about half way up the breast, slice straight down with a smooth, even stroke. The piece should fall free because of the horizontal cut you made first.

Work your way up the bird until all the meat is off and sliced in uniform layers. Place onto serving tray.

Repeat on other side using the same technique.

Separate the thighs and legs by cutting down through the joint that connects the two pieces of meat. Remove the meat from the thigh by removing the large bone that runs through it lengthwise and slicing the meat across the grain.

Some purists prefer the serve the legs whole, especially if there are young, impressionable diners in the bunch who love the idea of gnawing on a leg. If so, just place the legs onto the tray with the dark meat and go on about your business.

But if you would prefer to remove the leg meat from the bone, grasp the leg by the little end and with your still very sharp knife, slice downward while holding the knife blade against the bone.

Legs also include long, tough, stringy tendons that are not that tasty. Remove them before placing the meat onto the tray with the other dark meat.

That’s about all there is to it, except for the best part of the turkey — the golf-ball size hunks of meat on the back. They are incredibly tasty and tender, and I generally save them for myself. Find them along the back of the turkey, just south of midway down on either side of the backbone. Use your fingers to remove them and eat them right then.

Leave the remainder of the carcass the way it is and try not to remove any more meat from it before storing. Why? I like turkey soup, and the leftover carcass is fairly brimming with meat that will go into the soup.

Cover the trays with foil if you’re not serving the turkey right away, and go join your guests.

If you’ve read this and you’re still completely and irrevocably stumped by the butchering process, the good folks at Butterball have an excellent Web site that will walk you through the process: www.butterball.com. The site also answers just about any question you may have about your turkey, and includes cooking times, serving tips and recipes for leftovers.