Tag: Asexuality

From 21st – 27 of October 2018, is Asexual Awareness Week. Not many people have heard of the term asexual or asexuality. In broad terms, asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction, meaning we don’t get the need, urge or want for partnered sexual intercourse. If you have this sexual orientation then you are known as an asexual. Asexuals make up a recorded 1% of the population, although personally I think this number could be a lot higher if more people knew about this orientation and were not afraid to let others know they are also asexual. Because we live in such a highly sexualised society many asexuals live in fear of ridicule of what others think. I am a proud asexual, attracted to guys only, romantically, but not sexually (heteroromantic). I still love kissing and cuddling but do not desire the sex ever. And yes, I had sex in the past as I thought I had to as part of a heterosexual relationship – all the while not realising my lack of actually thinking I want to do it, meant I was indeed asexual.

I discovered I am asexual in 2014 and have been educating people about asexuality on my channel since 2015 www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife and I have a website www.asexualise.com and last year I published my ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 ASEXUAL STORIES: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY book, here is the link if you want to check it out, you can read my very own personal story just from the ‘look inside’ feature https://amzn.to/2OliYlY

Last month I was featured in an article on the Femedic website about what it’s like dating when you are asexual!

I am really proud to be featured talking about asexuality dating. Since being a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, I am on the Asexuality.org (AVEN) Media and Speaker team, and so very proud of that!

If you did not already know, I am known as The Asexual Entrepreneur and have been educating people about Asexuality since 2015 on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction and a recorded 1% of the population is asexual. I am also one of those 1%. I am only attracted to guys, but romantically, not sexually. So I like kissing, cuddling, and holding hands, but no sex.

On 8th July 2018, I was a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, in London, which was a dream come true for me. I took part in a panel discussion about Asexual Relationships and was also an individual speaker with a talk about “How to arrange an Asexual Meetup” aimed at those who are just starting out holding in person Asexual meetups. I hold asexual meetups in my city of Exeter but people come from all over the UK to them and I am currently planning the next one for September, which we should be doing VR gaming for.

Here is the first video (Asexual Relationships) from the UK Asexuality Conference. I was in a team 3 for this panel discussion and it is interesting to hear the varying viewpoints, and my short talk about Asexual Relationships starts about 03.48. My friend recorded this for me, and edited it for me. The person who introduces us did not want to be filmed, so you can only hear their voice and they have been cut out of any visuals.

At part of this team, I give a short talk and later answer some of the questions from the audience, hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think?

This is a very revealing, open and honest post! Although I am redundant from a full-time employed job of 5 years since last Sept/Oct – I stayed on Part-time for 4 weekends, and now my money has been used up from my redundancy pay and sadly UK benefits are not enough to pay all the bills and eat, I am fortunate that my Grandma left me small amount of money in her will to be able to eat. Thanks to her I can still have food in my belly at the moment. Yes, I am a writer and T-Shirt designer and seller, but sadly don’t make much money from that at the moment. It just about covers my business insurance and my expenses are far high with domains I need to continue to renew and all the other costs associated with that, and the time factor.

However, I have had dreams and plans of what I want to do with my websites/business for a long time and invested the last 6 years of time and money into my education so I can build a successful long-term business. I used some of my redundancy money to help me buy the systems and services I need to take my goals, plans, ambitions and dreams forward, and succeed. Do I think I will do it? Yes. I don’t just think it, I believe it, categorically, that I will be 100% successful, that my current situation, does not define who I am or what my future circumstances will be. Am I scared, you bet! But I wouldn’t have my life any other way. I could stay safe and be like a mouse, but that is not going to help me, and at the moment I am in danger anyway. Danger of all the possibilities of what happens if I can’t get an employed job for some reason – I am trained in retail since leaving college and a lot of the shops in the UK and closing down – and the dangers of if I do get an employed job again, only to be made redundant quite quickly again. Between this year and the next 5, most high street shops will close down, this means if I go back into that line of work, I am doomed, in a nutshell, in the long-time. So if I had some advice to give to you, it would be to always work hard at an ‘online’ side hustle. I know people who are making hundreds of thousands of pounds and millions of pounds from businesses that are online and got offline services to compliment it. I know a lot of models about building a profitable online business. I bought some thing lasts year that should have helped, but sadly, not everything goes according to plan, and not everything works as you wish it would, so you have to change direction and go get something else that will and start-over. Entrepreneurship is not for the faint-hearted, that is for sure!

So why the poster above this! Well although I am redundant and money is very tight, I am still making absolutely sure that I used redundancy as a golden opportunity to fulfil my goals, ambitions and dreams. I have my ebooks on my own online Quirky Books e-book store now within www.quirkybooks.net and www.quirky-books.com – a dream come true, since starting my www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com over 7 years ago – 8 years this November! I bought an ebook theme years ago, this year it became faulty with no way of me fixing it and the developer passing the buck – so I moved on and bought something else!

Whilst I am still actively seek work, I started to create my Ignite Your Happy course as I mentioned in a previous post, and I am still working on that one for my Quirky Academy! But in the meantime, I have been creating a short technical Kindle book for a very specific niche and my first ‘mini’ online training course for my Quirky Academy (soon to be officially launched – I have a bit more learning curve to do first – a big bit more – but I will succeed). Quirky Academy has been a dream of mine for years, but at the time I just thought it would be a personal and professional development training centre for Quirky people, with no defined niche as such, just Quirky people! But way before I was made redundant, I bought a high level course from an Entrepreneur, the most amount of money I ever spent on a course in my life to date, which I spent months going through and learning from, and I realised my niche was Entrepreneurs, Start-ups and Creatives, because we are the Quirky crazy people who aren’t normal! We live with mission and purpose and vigour. We live to be happy and please ourselves, whilst pleasing others and helping others at the same time. We can’t sit still, we have to keep moving forward with our lives, working on various projects and making our life really count and although it can be a hard slog at times – something the top entrepreneurs don’t want you to believe, as it would scupper their chances of you buying their products and services, and they are correct that you can work smarter, rather than harder, so their solutions aren’t wrong, but you still have to initially be the grinder and fuel the fire as it were, and those initial stages, could be years of your life! Are you prepared to do that? Give your life, to get a better one later on? I live for now and my future, it’s a fine balancing act. I gave up TV years ago, so my entrepreneur work can take flight. I know I was born for a special purpose, I know I am not normal and never have been. I am leader, not a follower. I think for myself – which many people in the employed sphere don’t like as I won’t conform to every bit of their ideal employee! – I have a brain and my own opinion, and I like to stand out and be outstanding. I am not a sheep, but the shepherd! I am not the robot, but the revolutioniser! I am not the norm, but the Quirky! I simply don’t fit into a box, not in my personal or professional life! I am also friends with a lot of entrepreneurs who share that vision of defining your own life and leading it by your own example and rules of life, so there will be other tutors on my Quirky Academy teaching courses in their specialist areas. I can’t wait for you to see it when it goes live. I am starting small and building big. I know the best of me, is still yet to come. Yes, I believe I was born to be a beast selling Author and I would love to write 24/7 if I could, but guess what? I actually love teaching and creating online video training courses to help people. So yeah, Quirky Academy is an all new online training centre, for entrepreneurs, start-ups and creatives, and by the 5th of June 2018, it will be live and looking good! Courses will appear one-by-one at first, and get more and more as momentum builds and I have the support in place for other tutors.

I already launched the trailer for my new Quirky Academy channel recently. Here it is and please subscribe, I would love you to support me in my journey and watch how I grow, and I can teach you a lot of stuff that I know already, so we can grow together!

So I still hear you jumping up and down and screaming at me, what has this got to do with the poster – ah! Well another dream I have had in the most recent years, is to be a speaker, specifically on stage in London. My specialist subject is Asexuality – Asexualise is my brand and I am the Author of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. Here is the link so you can check it out and shop for it https://amzn.to/2I6ZM96

So it would seem I am finally going to get to be a public speaker, in London, and on a topic (asexuality), that I know a lot about! So this is fabulous news. My hotel accommodation and transport are already booked and an asexual friend will be filming me and we will be hanging out together for 3 days, so that will be super cool! – You know I mentioned before about expenses being more than incomings at the moment – yeah, this is one of those times! But I will live my dream and it will be great for my career. As I have not completely got rid of my anxiety, it will be a break through boundaries personally for me!

You may not know this, but I organise Asexual (in person) meetups in my city of Exeter in the UK, and our next one is on Saturday 19th of May, but I am meeting up with two asexual guys the day before (tomorrow), as they are staying in a hotel. On Saturday we will be meeting up for food and drink and then going to the Underground Passages. Here is a video so you can have a peek.

I am a heteroromantic asexual – into guys only, and I love romance, kissing and affection. I love to meet other asexuals and it is really nice for me to be in the company of guys who enjoy my company without wanting to have sex with me – although I am attracted to guys, I never get the need, urge or want for sex, and yes, I have had that in the past and yes, my ex was good at it, and no, I don’t need it. Kissing I love, but not the sex, thanks. I would rather do the washing up and I hate washing up!

So yeah, in one year, this year, 2018, all of my dreams will come true! Well, I have not met my Asexual soulmate yet, that I know of, so that is the 4th dream! Yes, if I don’t get that right away, I can wait, while I build my dream career! But this is my absolute year to shine and get everything I want in terms of dreams coming true, so who knows, the year is young in this respect, with plenty more chance of me fulfilling my goals, ambitions and dreams! Of course I have more dreams to come true, like earning a full-time living from my online websites/business and never have to be in an employed job ever again, and come off benefits, and be able to eat without having to worry about money going down and not coming in – and all the potential issues with that! Which I will not think about as it just stops me from doing anything – it is paralysing. I am on a mission to be super successful and my life depends on it, and so does all the lives of those who I can impact and help with what I already know! So let’s do this together! See redundancy as an opportunity to live your purpose and live your dreams! I know I am, and I would love you to join me in my Quirky mission, take my hand and lets do this together!

People like to think that other people are what makes up their life, their decisions and their fate – but it’s not, you are totally responsible for your own life, not God, not your parents, not your spouse and not your family – just you and it’s your choice how you lead your life! So what does that mean for you in 2018? It means your success it up to you. Just like mine is up to me, and I am going to do everything in my power to ensure I become successful in all aspects of my life. I will work hard, smart, and with care and focus. There are no guarantees of success in life, but trying is a success in and of itself, as most people won’t even give it a go or bother, but I intend to give it my best shot and turn my life around. What goals, ambitions and dreams, have you set yourself for 2018 and how do you plan to achieve them?

This video is a live stream I did on my other channel – my Asexualise My Asexual Life channel about asexuality (but this particular video talks about having a choice in your life which is very relevant to this post). Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction, for me, I am a heteroromantic asexual – meaning I am attracted to guys romantically, but I never get the urge to have sex with them and I am cool with that. And in case you were wondering, yes I have had sex before and my ex was good at it, but no, I would rather never have again since I discovered my sexual orientation and know there are others like me. In fact, I hold in person asexual meet-ups in my city, which is awesome.

It has been a really difficult and sad time for me lately, because on Sunday 29th of October, I had to split with my asexual boyfriend. The guy who I thought was my soulmate, and who was really kind, sweet and loving towards me, turned out not to be so nice after all, not loving me like he first did, or valuing my worth, and in fact exhibited some controlling behaviour, so I had to save myself any more heartache and split! It is hard when you think you know someone, you bring down many of your barriers to try to trust again, after previous past abusive relationships, then find out they are not the person you thought they are and turned out to be someone who would cause you more pain. He did a good job of fooling me!! I really thought he truly and deeply cared for me, but I was mistaken. I don’t think he knew the true meaning of the word love! His behaviour appeared to change so quickly!

I wrote an Asexual Newsletter which you can find here, about how his behaviour changed and about some of the signs of controlling behaviour that you may want to look out for! And about how sometimes, you have to be your own hero and save yourself and get out of a relationship that is no good for you, no matter how painful it may be: http://mailchi.mp/a50715303715/asexual-break-up-how-to-be-your-own-hero

Here is the full Asexual-Dating playlist so far, if you want to know more about my asexual dating journey!

If you are ever threatened with if you do x, y, or z, I will leave you, excluding domestic violence of course, then you are under that persons’ control and it is time to leave, however hard that may be!

So from time-to-time, and this is one of those times, I like to replicate an interesting post from my writing and quirky blog www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com

Today marks the beginning of Asexual Awareness Week! Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction and makes up a recorded 1% of the population. This means we don’t get the need, urge, or want, for sexual intercourse! And when I say we, it’s because I am asexual, but more about that later!

Asexual Awareness Week is from Sunday 22nd Oct-Sat 28th of October 2017.

Have you ever asked yourself, “Could I be asexual?”, “How do I know if I am asexual?”, And “What is Asexuality?”

Have you ever thought to yourself; I am not that bothered about sex; I don’t want sex; I don’t need sex; I don’t love in that way; I am not that type of person; but you are scared of saying that out aloud because society usually validates relationships with how good your sex life is? And society keeps shoving sex down your throat – Buy this to get more sex! Have to this get more sex! You need sex to be happy! You need sex to love! You need sex to live! I am here to tell you, this simply is not true for everyone. And if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are likely to be asexual and that is a great thing, because it means you have the capacity to love and be loved, in a relationship, without sex.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. Many asexuals are asexual from birth, but do not realise it until much later in life. In fact, it was a fellow blogger who used to write about sex in an educative way, not a lustful way, that first suggested I was asexual. But back then I hated the fact the word had the word sexual in it, it sounded alien to me, and I quickly retorted back in a message that I just don’t associate sex with love, but I like kissing, and that was the end of that. I am not sure how many years that was prior to my discovery, but in 2014, I went to see a counsellor, because I could no longer go on dating heterosexuals as it used to make me almost wet myself at the thought of the expectation they would want it to lead to sex. When I told the counsellor I was worried that I would like a relationship, but that I may not be able to be in one again, because I don’t like sex, she said that I would need to have sex in order to keep a good guy!! I thought this can’t be right, surely there must be others like me, and why should I have to do something I don’t want to do, just to have a good relationship? So I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and it came up with asexuality and www.asexuality.org which is the biggest online community for asexuals. I read some of their forums threads, before registering at a later date, and I really related to what they were saying and I thought, ‘Finally, there are people like me in the world, who can love and have relationships without sex, and who want relationships without sex, and I am not alone, and I never have to have sex again in my life’, it was such a relief!! I now have an asexual boyfriend, I couldn’t be happier!

The full definition of asexuality is: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and/or little to no interest in sexual activities. Notice the OR. So although most asexuals are born asexual and do not realise it, there are a smaller number of people who identify as asexual later in life, because things have changed for them and they are permanently no longer interested in sexual activities, even if previously they lead a very heterosexual life. I was born asexual but did not realise it, and I was in heterosexual relationships for years, but I did not experience sexual attraction as I had no urge, need, or want to have sex, even with someone I loved. Although I have had sex in the past and my last long-term ex was good at it, I always preferred his kiss and finger to his penis, and had sex because I felt I had to!

Within the Asexuality sexual orientation, there are subcategories on something called the Asexual Spectrum. If you think of the A in Asexual to mean ‘absence’ of sexual attraction, you can’t go far wrong. So if you think of it as starting off as aromantic asexuals – those who are absent of romantic attraction and absent of sexual attraction, then the greyromantics, those that experience a little romance in certain circumstances but not sexual attraction, and the demi-romantics, those who can only experience romantic attraction, once a strong emotional bond has been formed, but not sexual attraction. Then there are the romantics. Within the romantics; those who experience romantic attraction, there are heteroromantics (attracted to the opposite sex or gender romantically but not sexually), which is what I am. I am only romantically attracted to guys. I want to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but not have sex with them and I am never attracted to women. There are the homoromantics, (attracted to the same sex or gender romantically but not sexually), biromantics, (those attracted to both male and female romantically but not sexually), and panromantics, (those attracted to any gender romantically but not sexually, when I say any gender, this could include attraction towards those who are agenda and gender fluid). This list is not exhaustive, this is just the main ones. Then there are those asexuals on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, known as the grey asexuals and demi-sexuals. The grey asexuals, who are often also known as Grey A, or sometimes greysexuals, are those who experience sexual attraction but only under limited, or rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. Grey asexual, also used to be a catch all term for those who are somewhere between asexual and sexual, but don’t quite fit into an asexual box. However, this definition is no longer on Aven Wiki. Which is a resource about asexuality from www.asexuality.org. In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I redefine Grey A to mean asexual with Grey Areas, such as sexual behaviours. So my Grey Area for example is I love passionate kissing and I experience high levels of arousal, but I never experience sexual attraction. This means that I can exhibit some sexual behaviour, even though I never have a need, urge, or want for sex. But I don’t feel comfortable just saying I am a straightforward heteroromantic, because many heteroromantics don’t like kissing as much as I do, or how passionately as I do, so I don’t fit the Grey A box as it is described, but I have Grey Areas, which is why I think Grey A, should be a separate definition to grey asexual and greysexual. And finally we have the demisexuals, those who usually experience romantic attraction, but can only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is formed and this could take up to 2 years or more, for example. And this if you like, is where asexuality ends and the sexual spectrum starts. Although there are other asexual categories and subcategories, even within the categories I already mentioned, but I don’t want to confuse you as it’s a lot to get your head around. Subscribe to my channel if you want to know more about asexuality www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife

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