If you ask me back then in 2000 after my break up and finding myself in how to exist in this world, “would you ever imagined owning a popular magazine where you would feature and interview people in the entertainment industry?” – I would have simply answered, “Nope”.

To understand who I was in 2000, I started writing my autobiography several years ago and has been a pain staking process. It’s not fun to have to relive certain shit but in the matter of helping someone else is part of the reason why I’m writing my book. In the interim, I’m also in the midst of writing several erotica books, including three self help books.

It’s not an easy feat to contend with because as humans we are so used to blaming the other person or circumstances for our choices. I’ve seen it happen and I myself have privy to that type of behavior.

I couldn’t see all of this when I started my magazine. All I saw was a group of people who lived (including myself) in an Alternative world that didn’t have a place to share their voice. Sure we have other types of periodicals where alternative voices were heard, but that seemed to slowly die out once people became aware of this thing called the Internet.

Through blogging my own personal journeys, I did two years of research and spoke with many different people from local NYC underground communities.

At first I wanted the magazine to be this dark place, almost like a dungeon, where fetish became alive and the voices behind the fetish underground were free to speak and share why they enjoyed this lifestyle.

While the magazine was making it’s rounds online, I remember attending a party at Mother with Master Steelow, my real first exposure of seeing the BDSM lifestyle at work (trust you won’t find it in 50 Shades) and talking to him about the magazine, but at the time it was so new, I don’t think he took me seriously. At least that was the way I took it.

The first few years was rough. I was learning how to maintain a website, let alone create one from scratch and decipher the content. The magazine went through phases, what worked and what didn’t work. When Myspace rolled along, this was my starting point of using social media and getting people to read the magazine which was great and good exposure to not only reach those within the U.S. but also outside of the United States.

People began referring to me as Miss Kink but I wanted something more relevant, a personality which was true to my reflection. Being I was calling myself Marabelle Blue, I decided to the name and market myself myself an individual who was also part of Kink~E Magazine.

One of the things I learned about social media and exposing yourself to the public is someone coming along thinking they can snatch your shit and make it better. That’s when the evil old lady from Australia came in and plagiarized my magazine. After going through the proper channels on how to address her bullshit the battle ended with one winner. Did she really think she was going to win?

Here’s the deal, when you create something, people will always come in and try to mimic you and ride your band wagon. It happens every time to everyone. One of the most important things I’ve learned within the social media spectrum, don’t brag and don’t expose your shit until it’s good and ready. Sure we all want to brag and there’s nothing wrong with healthy sharing about your progress and confidence, however, yet another when you spend all day tweeting or facebooking on how fabulous you are. The only ones who are the ones who don’t feel good about themselves. It becomes cult like after a while.

Over time with the good things and the not so good things, Kink~E Magazine finally found a place in people’s lives and hearts and that has to do with many of the writers who have come and joined the fold realizing this was a place to share thoughts, opinions and/or grievances. A place where we feature people in the entertainment industry in the sincerest of light and not just making sex the number one topic.

Behind the life of every performer is a sincere, empathetic person who loves what they do and isn’t afraid to show it. Behind every authors are people who share their most intimate thoughts in story telling and behind every opinion is a person who stands strong in their plight.

The internet has grown a lot. And with that growth, we all continue to keep KinkE on top with interesting notes and topics, discussing current issues and trends.

I still keep up with my good Kink’s Korner (remember how Charlie Sheen copied me with Sheen’s Corner), discussing relationships and life in NYC.

A lot will change within Kink~E Magazine, all good things. I won’t disclose yet what those changes are (we still have the copy haters watching), but I will say this, this past year has been the best. I enjoyed every issue and what we feature to you.

For all the times I wanted to give up, I would get an email from someone telling me how much they enjoyed reading the articles in the magazine, how much they found they weren’t alone in what they were feeling, there was no way I would give this up.

When BBW came along, we found a whole new audience lovers of Big Beautiful woman. Thank you @theKimmieKaboom for the enticing interviews she brings.

Thanks to my girl Dr. Sue (@DoctorSue) and her expert field in cuckolding (among other topics) and Christine who has been hitting the hardcore topics of hate in America and just America itself. And for Dirk who keeps the fetish articles alive in offering advice and tips in how to play it safe.

To all the past writers who have shared their thoughts and advice on topics we seem to discuss behind closed doors when it shouldn’t be that way.

Most importantly I need to thank every person who has contributed and supported Kink~E Magazine for all of these years.

We stand united in our alternative beliefs and lifestyle. This isn’t just about sex or porn or fetish life and gender roles, this is about life and respecting each other’s values and belief system whatever that may be and for as long as you’re not hurting anyone deliberately. (I need to make that clear.)

There is not one person living who is a “God” who can tell us who to love or not to love, how to have sex and why certain behaviors are “wrong”, that’s just unrealistic.

With that being said, Happy Birthday to Kink~E Magazine and thank you to each and every person who continues to support us.

I was all convinced at some point Olivia would be one of the top two but I think between episodes 1 and 2, I changed my mind. Now watching episode three, I’m would be surprised if Olivia receives a rose at the end of this.

Four weeks in and she’s calling Ben her husband and how she’s in love with him that’s “her man”, “Ben and Zen” I’m not sure how many more shit she can come up with, that is after Chris Harrison announces Ben is no long in Los Angels but rather in Las Vegas (my future home).

As soon as they realize they are going, she’s instigating she’s going to whisper to him, she wants to see Celine. She’s funny.

Needless to say, once the ladies arrive in Vegas, the first date card also arrives in their hotel room at the beautiful Aria Hotel (was there in 2014 truly beautiful hotel), and JoJo is on this particular one and one.

When Ben picked her up as they waited for the helicopter and the girls became jealous but then laughed when the helicopter landed and the force of the propellers knocked the table and champagne down from the table BUT walked away when Ben took advantage of the moment and kissed JoJo. Now that was pretty cool.

During the one on one, it seemed the conversation between Ben and JoJo was truncated. What exactly the story with JoJo and her last relationship. Why did it sound like she was having an affair? I mean no offense, we’re all grown here, aren’t we and shit happens, however, it would make sense she would discuss a relationship to make a conversation flow for the cameras and before you know it, Ben is offering a rose. Okay. Great.

The night ended with one more surprise after he gave the rose to JoJo, the fireworks above the Aria hotel began to spark when the girls inside their room heard the fireworks but could not see them (Ben and JoJo’s date were at the MGM Grand – great hotel too) of course had a clearest view of the fireworks.

Here we are~ A New Year has just begun and ABC wastes no time in premiering the Bachelor Ben Higgins from the Kaitlyn season. Surprisingly Ben was one of the last men standing (not sure why) there seemed to be a lack of personality there and with all the good looking men who were in her season, why choose Ben?

Anyway, I’m trying something new. I weaned myself off cable and no longer have the opportunity to watch live television. With an array of streaming applications where you can watch all of your favorite shows on your own time, I have to say, it sucks just a little bit.

I’m not able to catch up on the Housewives because Bravo hasn’t gotten with the programming of steaming unless you want to watch last season’s bullshit and who wants to blog about something that happened last year? Bye Felicia.

As always the intro starts off with shades of love on the water, in a boat, on some kind of a warm island, or on some kind of ride, followed by tears of women who barely know him or claiming they put their whole life on hold, yada yada yada. Oh lest not forget the “bitch” or “evil doer” of the show, “he’s my husband, he just hasn’t figure it out yet” type…..and the one who has a panic attack and guess what she won’t need the paramedics all she will need is Ben to sweep her off her feet. #Pathetic

Ben’s background, simple, from Warsaw, Indiana, small town where everyone knows each other, probably some Christian town…blah and on top of that he can’t find anyone from his own town?

Ben has this fake and mediocre conversation with his parents who have been together for the last thirty five years. One of the main topics discussed was Ben’s fears of being unlovable, which was something he bought up in the Kaitlyn season.

Hey Ben, try being my age and still not finding someone decent to have simple conversations with, without pulling teeth or begging for affection. Believe me you will find someone to love before I do. LOL.

Now with the Bachelor family growing, it seems they invite other Bachelors to “advise” on how to deal with this type of “reality” situation.

Who do they bring back? Farmer Chris Soules (who broke up with his self centered girlfriend Whitney Bischoff), Jason Mesnick who at the end picked Melissa the one he really didn’t want over Molly but I guess to make the producers happy he gave them what they wanted. However in the reunion he told Melissa he was not the least bit interested in her and asked for Molly back. (What a happy reunion). Sean Lowe who married Catherine, discussed how he fell in love with her towards the end of the show (which was true). My question was why Farmer Chris was there. Clearly he picked the wrong woman. I don’t think their relationship lasted more than a week. (of course I’m being sarcastic) but if you recall, he had more of a relationship with Brit while the other girls were just hanging out watching this relationship flourish before them. #Confused

Kaitlyn was talking about how more difficult the week will become as she will need to say goodbye to two guys because the next round of dates will be the fantasy over night dates before any families are met.

Usually it’s the other way around. She will be left with four guys and those four guys would be the home town dates where she would meet their families. Why didn’t they do that?

The first date she had was with Ben H., who out of nowhere she had some attraction to him. Was this more than Nick and Shawn?

On a boat sailing the beautiful waters towards Innisfallen Island in Ireland – they spent time together playing hide and seek while back and forth interviews with Ben admitting that he has strong feeling for her but is afraid to share that because he doesn’t want to get hurt.

Understandable. It’s funny though how he had no issue calling her his girlfriend in an earlier episode.

Most guys have said that in past bachelor seasons and I think everyone is confused. No one is boyfriend and girlfriend until it’s just the both of you. And even then while engaged, you’re still boyfriend and girlfriend. Think of how many couple did NOT make it to the altar after making fools of themselves on television.

During their date, while Ben is talking about his last relationships and the ideal relationship and how he feels, Kaitlyn started to wonder if Ben was a virgin and asked him straight forward, his response…..No.

Now that Ben seems to be in the clear (no roses yet), the group date has officially begun, Shawn, Nick and Joe all meeting up with Kaitlyn to talk to her one on one. Kaitlyn, off camera admits there are discussions that need to be had and Shawn is the first one to pull her way.

Notice, Shawn is super possessive. Still unaware that she had sexual relations with Nick earlier in the week or week before. He’s still insecure due to the fact she told him he was it and he got stuck on that one.

Ladies, if you and guy are dating and it’s not serious for you, yet…and you tell him he’s it, he will HARP on that shit forever.

Notice how different she is with Nick than she is with Shawn. She is giddy, she’s vulnerable, and she talks to him like she’s known him her whole life, or is it just the Nick effect? Who knows.

What I think is so stupid, it seems she’s a wasted Bachelorette. If she had such a connection with Nick before this show, why even bother going through all this nonsense. We could have had someone much more fun and entertaining with Kelsey from Farmer Chris season.

UGH watching her and Joe was extremely difficult. He was talking about how he was falling in love with Kaitlyn, he’s kissing her and oh so passionate. Although Kaitlyn is kissing him back, it’s clear these are not kisses she wants to be returning, let alone be in locked in some intimate embrace. Maybe Nick should have interrupted and should have waited till after Joe so he can comfort her.

It was painfully clear we were reaching an end with her and Joe and after the kissing, Kaitlyn discusses honesty and where he was coming from and where she’s coming from and feeling as they are not on the same page.

While I remain, sometimes being honest means saying, I know you said you fell in love with me, but I’m not feeling the same way. Her round about behavior only seemed to infuriate Joe who copped an attitude really quick. He said things like, “it’s cool, It’s been fun”, very cold and unfeeling.

Kaitlyn asked for a hug goodbye and while he did comply, you can tell her was reeling in anger. He turned and looked at her and asked her, “what do I do now” and Kaitlyn responds, “I just wanted to give you a hug goodbye”, for which Joe replies, “I don’t want to say shit to you right now.”

Had to be the word shit.

Wow where the fuck did that come from?

Talk about pissed. The cameras didn’t even follow him to get feedback. LMAO If I was a camera person, I wouldn’t follow him either.

When Kaitlyn comes back she decides not to give the rose out, telling Nick that she will see him at the rose ceremony and told Shawn they need more time to talk. Shawn thinking this is a special one on one time, little does he know the only reason why she wants to talk to him to tell him that she and Nick had sex. LOL What a dummy.

After some small talk and flirting, she admits she and Nick had sex on their date. Of course now the mood changes and Shawn knows exactly why she called him out for more time. This wasn’t just a regular date. He asked her if she regrets, and she said she felt guilt. Not the answer he wanted to hear I’m sure.

Why should she regret anything she’s done? If she really didn’t want to have sex with Nick, she wouldn’t have asked him back to her room. But she knew what she wanted. Period. The End!

Shawn, had to take a moment and go to the men’s room probably to punch the sink LOL. (I had to post this pic I found online just too damn funny)

Nick, who’s back in the hotel room, is completely perplexed as to why she didn’t give out a rose. And while he’s complaining about what the fuck is going on, Jared looks like he’s ready to fall asleep, while Ben is assured he will be flying high in the next rose ceremony.

I guess the question would be, was it wise to tell Shawn about her escapade with she and Nick or picking Shawn at the end, and then telling him in private before the show aired.

When Shawn, finally comes out of the bathroom, he admits that he’s upset but he cannot be mad at her, and that it happened, but he loves her and he wants to be with her.

His “not being angry” becomes short lived.

Shawn enters the room and puts his mask on not letting anyone know what transpired on the date and Nick sitting there clueless of the conversation that took place.

The next day is the rose ceremony, Kaitlyn choose not to have any cocktail hour. Her mind has been made up, according to Chris Harrison, who informs them it’s time for the rose ceremony.

Now down to the wire, Shawn still has questions as to what he wants to do. He’s still upset over the fact that she and Nick were intimate together. After her endearing speech on how important these three roses are, she picks up the first rose and calls Shawn and asked him will he accept this rose, his response,

“I need to talk to you”

The look on her face was absolutely priceless. There was fear and anger all at the same time.

Shawn is upset that it’s Nick she had sex with. If it were anyone else, I don’t think he would be as upset. Why him? He asked and why she would do that to jeopardize them. Really Shawn? Ya got a big head there my friend.

Kaitlyn tells Shawn she’s here to explore other relationships, because after she chooses one, she will never have that opportunity again. And what she said to him a few weeks ago, that he was it, she had no business saying that. I think she realizes when you put your foot in your mouth; you give someone that unrealistic expectation “things will proceed according to plan.”

Kaitlyn left off asking Shawn if he questions her trust, and we never see the answer. They come out of the room and back to the rose ceremony, once again asking Shawn if he will accept her rose.

“Absolutely”

The last two roses she hands out to Ben H. and then Nick, leaving Jared hurt.

Jared the next bachelor? Wouldn’t be surprised. He’s a cutie, in a fishy sort of way.

If anyone who cried more saying goodbye was Kaitlyn while Jared was comforting her telling her it was okay.

Gosh that was so hard to watch. Admittedly I had my own waterworks going on watching him in the limo.

Hard….just touch. Broken hearts suck. He left with his head up high. I think the only one who didn’t leave with a grandiose attitude. Despite of me calling him a fish kisser, Jared is a person who deserves a great woman, clearly Kaitlyn is not that woman, for him.

Now that Jared is gone, Kaitlyn proceeds with her overnight dates, first with Nick.

It is very apparent that Nick and Kaitlyn have a very strong connection together. They traveled throughout and exploring Ireland. They stopped at a Cathedral Church, a bar and some kind of castle jail. It comes up during their date, Nick begins discussing someone who he doesn’t respect, and has insecurities and admits he’s talking about Shawn and his concerns over him.

The minute they get into this deep conversation, a storm begins to brew.

Coincidence?

Was Nick right in saying anything about Shawn? Or is it about jealous emotions like Kaitlyn stated.

After taking Nick to a prank fantasy suite, they head over to the real suite, where Nick expresses more of his love to her.

I know people are not Nick fans because he disclosed his intimacy with Andi and quite honestly I’m not sure what is the big deal. I said this before and I’ll say it again. The fantasy suite, they are fucking, if anyone thinks any different, you’re stupid.

The next day, Kaitlyn and Nick are eating breakfast looking like a natural couple. I can only imagine Shawn watching this. He looks like he has anger issues.

And not wanting to let go what Kaitlyn shared with him, he calls the hotel concierge to find out where Nick’s room to confront him as to why he’s there. All throughout the interviews, he would refer to him as, “the other guy”.

I don’t’ know if I saw this for myself, I wouldn’t go with Shawn. There are a lot of control issues there.

Karmen, who is known as the Deep Throat Goddess, talked about how much she enjoyed sex and the form of expressing herself and things she would like to do. Taking it slow, she would prefer to take her time exploring different scenes in her porn career instead of doing everything all in one shot.

For more on the show log on to www.kemtoptalk.com where you can find the latest and all past shows.

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This week’s show definitely had a different flavor. It can’t be all about sex. Well some of it was of course, this is KEMTopTalk.

Robert Perez, indie filmmaker and comedian shared his experience in the independent film industry and his projects. One he shared with me which was quite hilarious called Herb the Cannibal Perv – a twisted take on sex, women and cannibalism. Now while we discussed that some may not find it funny, the point to Robert’s types of films is to make it ridiculous and over the top therefore finding the humor in something that people don’t find typically humorous (in real life that is)

While everyone is obsessed with zombies wouldn’t that be the same thing?

Nelson from WTFtv joined in on the call who was also in Robert’s film shared his thoughts on what it takes to film indie films and they are not as easy as anyone think they may be. In other words, don’t go running to pick up a Galaxy and think you’re going to film the next big feature indie film.

Jorge joined in for the second half of the show as he and I discussed the whoa’s of reality television shows, Real Housewives of Atlanta starring Nene Leakes and the walking out of her own therapy, Pheadra and pending divorce from Apollo, Kandi and her not so nice pre-marital agreement and her shitting Kandi Coated NIghts show…etc. More on Kim and her fake sobriety, and Brandi Glanville running out of friends.

The video I talked about on my radio show is here for your viewing pleasure 🙂 From T and A Flicks here is Final Notice starring Angel Lozada and directed by Sonia Gonzalez-Martinez: https://youtu.be/oLoWzLXagBQ

Thanks to Nelson Torres @WTFtv for joining in and Jorge on sharing his thoughts on the reality shows discussed on the show.