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Nurse. Just another word to describe someone strong enough to tolerate anything and soft enough to understand anyone. – Unknown

Boots and Bee Photography – by Brittany Graham

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a very, very long time, and last night’s session reminded me why I needed to do it. I want to talk to you about nurses and teachers. Oh, yeah… and dogs. Believe it or not, these three things have a lot in common.

Last night I hit the lottery with my clients. Woman’s name was Elsa. Man’s name was Jack. And then there was this cute little guy, Rally:

Alias: Get Back Here

Rally is your typical No No Bad Dog. Definitely not dangerous; just really really annoying. No No Bad Dogs tend to be between 5-12 months of age. They jump a lot, pull on a leash, and may even do a bit of counter surfing. Technically, they aren’t “bad” dogs, they’re perfect….dogs. They just really suck at being human. That’s why we’re here, to help them with that by answering their questions. Not bullying them. Not dominating them. You are not their alpha, any more than they are yours. You are their Pilot.

So back to Elsa and Jack. Both are young professionals with a brand new No No Bad Dog. Both are eager to work with Rally and help him be the best dog human he can be. Neither were prone to losing their temper, nor getting frustrated with Rally no matter how obnoxious he got. Both humans showed extreme amounts of patience. Suspiciously so. On top of that, neither of them ever gave up. They just kept answering Rally’s questions until he accepted their answers, learning how he communicates, so as to be the best humans dogs they can be for him.

I had to ask what they did for a living. Elsa told me that she was a teacher (2nd grade, I found out later). I wasn’t too surprised. Think for a moment about what she does all day for a living. She’s a chaos director.

Yes, Penelope, it’s a bee. No, Johnny, you aren’t going to die.

There really isn’t too much difference between Piloting a dog and Piloting a child of that age. Each ask really stupid questions…or do they?

When my son Eric was 3, we had a very edifying conversation. We were in the car, on our way back from a trip to the dentist, and Eric wanted to know why we brush our teeth.

“Well,” I explained, taking the imperious, condescending tone that parents sometimes accidentally take, “Right now you have practice teeth. If you take good care of your practice teeth, and brush them and don’t eat too many sweets, they will eventually fall out, so you can get your grown-up teeth.”

Eric was quiet for a few moments. Then a tiny voice came from the backseat, “Do we get to keep our eyeballs?”

It seems like a stupid question, “Do I get to keep my eyeballs?”, until you realize where he’s coming from. He literally has no point of reference upon which to draw. Just as he thinks he’s go this whole “being human” thing down, what do I tell him?

Yeah, kid…body parts start falling out of your mouth.

Second graders may have a little bit of an easier time, as they’ve been around the block a time or two compared to a toddler, but it’s still so difficult for them. Will I be able to make friends? What if I forget what’s 2 + 2 on the test? I don’t care what anyone says, being a child is terribly difficult.

So what does Elsa do all day? Manage these little humans. She is charged with not only educating them, but she has to Pilot them through various crisis situations. Like when little Tommy loses a tooth during spelling. There is a terrified child with blood dripping out of their mouth and a tooth in their hand. What do you do? Answer his questions and calmly be there for him.

Fortunately for Elsa, these children know and trust her. She’s been their Pilot for a little while now. They now welcome her answers and even though sometimes she can be The Meanest Teacher in the World (seriously? Reading homework on a weekend?) they trust her to care for them and to protect them from things like, stray teeth and bumblebees.

On to Jack. He’s a nurse. Not only that, he’s an ER nurse. My favorite. Think about what an ER nurse does all day: answers the questions you have on the most terrifying day of your life. They Pilot you. Only, unlike Elsa, they don’t even know you. They have to earn your faith and trust in a very, very short amount of time, while taking care of you, remaining safe themselves, and working as part of a larger team. Talk about organized chaos!

And sometimes, they have to stand up for you when things get scary. They speak for you when you can’t.

When my son went into the hospital at 3 years old for strep, I had a nurse named Laura skillfully Pilot a situation for us. Eric was stretched out on a hospital bed, frail and weak from dehydration. I was terrified, as just 10 hours prior he was fine. Then Nurse Laura informs me that they need to get an IV in him immediately. So I inform Eric that they are going to use a needle to poke his skin to put medicine in him. I told him that no matter what, he mustn’t move.

Actual footage of my heart breaking. I was about to start sobbing myself, watching my son crying on a gurney, desperately trying to be brave, accepting that someone was hurting him, and I had to let them. ”Mom, she’s hurting me!”

Until Nurse Laura walked over by us, leaned down by Eric, and whispered loudly, “Her name is Wendy”.

I started laughing, and Eric got through his little ordeal. Nurse Wendy didn’t want to hurt Eric, but she knew what needed to be done, and shut out her own emotions to do it. In other words, trying to comfort him by telling him it didn’t hurt (it did!), or that it would only be a moment (it wasn’t) wasn’t going to make anyone feel better except for herself. She quickly did her job. Nurse Laura didn’t give us a pep talk. She didn’t try to convince us that it didn’t hurt. She gave us what we needed: a bit of levity. There’s a difference between comforting someone and Piloting them. Wendy and Laura Piloted all of us, and thus comforted us.

Where do dogs come into all of this? Well, whenever I’m dealing with a dog who is scared, acting aggressively, or just simply a No No Bad Dog, I always think back to Nurse Wendy and Nurse Laura. I try to act how they need to act for 12 hours straight every day. Not lying. Not sugar-coating anything. Calmly answering questions. Calmly being there, and setting the tone by their example.

So when your dog is scared going to the vet, or is anxiously barking at another dog during a walk, remember, dogs suck at being human. It’s not a situation they were meant to be in. You have to Pilot your dog through the situation. Not with saccharine words nor with phony falsetto words rapidly thrown at them. Don’t mix your wanting to placate them with what they actually need. They need calm. They need rational. They need you to act completely normal. They need a Pilot.

Nefretiri: You will be king of Egypt and I will be your footstool!

Moses: The man stupid enough to use you as a footstool isn’t wise enough to rule Egypt.

- The Ten Commandments (1956 film)

Boots and Bee Photography – by Brittany Graham

I have a long history of standing by my statement that dogs are very simple creatures. They definitely aren’t stupid. They’re refreshingly simple. There’s not much subterfuge about them. I’ve never cottoned much to people coming up with long lists of do’s and don’ts when it comes to dogs. Why complicate such simplistically beautiful creatures, such as dogs are, with all kinds of clauses, addendum and notations? Still, humans tend to fare better when at least given the general direction of where to start with dogs, preferably written down. In stone. So I therefore present to you,

THE FIFTEEN COMMANDMENTS (FOR DOG OWNERS)

THE FIFTEEN TEN COMMANDMENTS (FOR DOG OWNERS)

1) THOU SHALT PILOT THY DOG. Thy dog is not savvy unto the ways of the human world, for thine canine is but a canine,though created perfectly, as a canine.

In other words, if you want a square peg to fit in a round hole, it’s going to need some help. Both the square peg and the round hole may need to change and accommodate each other, but both need to change. In most households, I see the dog is expected to adapt to living in a human world, whereas the humans are expected to merely expect the dog to accommodate them by changing into a human. Dogs need Pilots. Until they develop opposable thumbs, help them to understand this human world. Answer their myriad of questions, whether it be as benign as “Hey, you going to eat that?” to as serious as “Is that other dog going to kill us?”. Give them the answers they crave in the form of Piloting, and help them make sense of this place. - Book of Kerry, Yes Way, No Way

2) THOU SHALT KEEP THEY DOG IN MOVEMENT. For thine canine is not a machine, it has a heart which loveth thou deeply. Keep it pumping.

Your dog is not a mobile area rug, nor should you expect it to behave as one. If you want a good dog, give your dog the Activity he craves, no just for his enjoyment, but for his well being. A dog who is not exercised has plenty of demons. Exorcise Exercise those demons. - Book of Kerry, Calm

3) THOU SHALT GIVE YOUR DOG A JOB. Thine canine was created for a purpose, and a purpose he must have.

Don’t treat you dog like he’s stupid, because he ain’t. He’s got a big ol’ brain in his head, designed to help him work with his pack to hunt his food. Right now that huge cranium is being used to hunt down the last Cheerio from under the couch. Treat a dog like a dog…like the intelligent, sentient being he is. Give him food for his brain. - Book of Kerry Blood(less) Sport

4) THOU SHALT NEVER PUNISH A DOG FOR BEING A DOG. Thy canine has been created perfectly, as a canine. Thou shalt not punish him for not acting human.

You got a dog because you wanted a dog. If you want another human, go on a date, realize it’s stupid, humans are dumb, and then get a dog, because dogs are so much better.

Don’t punish the dog because it doesn’t fully understand a human world, and doesn’t do human things. Punishment is sick and gross, and so overrated. -Book of Kerry Shocking

You simply cannot use positive reinforcement for every single situation your dog gets into. Learn to identify when positive is merited (a lot more often than you’d think) and how to give it (it’s not just treats!). Marking a behavior you like (housebreaking, calmness, or a trick) with positive reinforcement is only half the answer. Making sure you don’t mark unwanted behaviors with positive is the other half. - Book of Kerry Positive Influence

6) THOU SHALT REALIZE THE DEPTH OF DEVOTION THY CANINE HAS. And thou shalt strive to be worthy of said devotion.

Your dog will only live 10-15 years. Some less, some more. Most of their time is spent waiting for you. For that brief moment of happiness they get when you spend just a little bit of time with them. For that quick “Hi Fido. Miss me today boy?” that they get in that five minutes between you coming home from work to let them out and you going out again for drinks with you friends. It means the world to them. You mean the world to them. Be worthy of it. They spend their entire lives waiting. Don’t let it be in vain. Love them.

I stepped on Orion’s tail yesterday. After I kicked him in the face during our walk. I totally suck. But he forgave me, and I forgave myself because I did the best I could. I look back at my first dog, Saint Darwin (he’s been canonized for this post), and I see so many things I would have done differently with him, but it was nearly 20 years ago. I did the best I could. If you can truly say that, then you’re forgiven. Grudges are never held. That’s the beauty of the Church of Dog.

All is forgiven for those who are truly trying.

8) THOU SHALT NOT FEEL THE NEED TO LIKE THY CANINE AT ALL TIMES, FOR HE CAN TRULY BE AN ASSHOLE. Yet thou shalt still remember to love thy canine despite his proclivity towards assholery.

Sometimes you really want to murder your dog. Usually over a new pair of shoes, or what is now 1 1/2 pairs of shoes. Remember, your dog isn’t out to get you, your dog isn’t angry, and your dog isn’t “acting out”. But that doesn’t help assuage your anger, though, does it?

I have a saying: ”I’d rather say a mean thing than do a mean thing.”

I give you permission to call your dog is an asshole. To not like him at the moment. To call him whatever name you want to (Hint: ”Shitbird” has already been taken by Orion; Sparta is “Crazy Bitch”.) I will never yell these names at my dogs, because my dogs are not ever to be demeaned by yelling. But calmly acknowledging that I don’t like them right now …well, that’s imperative. I’m not going to pretend that I love working with Sparta’s dog reactivity, or that Orion’s anxious nature is something I had long dreamed to have in a dog. I may not like these issues, but I’m the human, and it’s up to me to deal with them. And it’s ok not to like them. But I will always love them. No matter what they’ve done, I love them still. – Book of Kerry Time Out

9) THOU SHALT LOVE THE CANINE YOU HAVE, NOT THE CANINE YOU WANT. For the canine thou want is but a mythical beast which lives only in thy imagination.

Sparta is dog reactive. Orion is hyper. Not the dog I want, but always the dogs I’ll love. I will never try to turn them into something they aren’t. - Book of Kerry What Could Have Been

One of a kind. The best dog ever. Mourn them when they’re gone. Get a little weepy eyed when you see another dog walking down the street that looks exactly like your old dog, Rex. They spend such a brief period with us…physically. In spirit, though, let them linger on for as long as you breathe for that is truly the best monument to give to a dog: memory of them. A small smile and a misty eye are the best shrine your dog could ever have, even 30 years later. And they deserved it. Even after everything, they always deserve it.

The man with insight enough to admit his limitations comes nearest to perfection.

– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

My Sparta. The most beautiful, obedient dog I’ve ever worked with. Over 100 lbs. of pure physical poetry. She’s the type of dog who we can leave the Thanksgiving turkey out on the counter right above where she’s sleeping, and she’ll leave it alone (we do). She will follow any command, no matter how scary, because she trusts us (she does). In short, she is practically a machine when it comes to her obedience. It’s sorta creepy, now that I think of it. Sounds like the perfect dog, right? Except she has one big problem. As my husband likes to say, she reads too much Guns and Ammo.

Sparta is a Shepherd/Rottie mix (not a guess, but verified truth), with emphasis on the Shepherd. Ah, suddenly it clicks why she’s so obedient. Shepherds have been used for many years for a myriad of reasons: search and rescue, guide dogs, drug dogs, war, peace, agility and everything in between. I truly believe that while they may not be the smartest dog (looking at you Border Collies and Poodles), they are probably the most willing to accept whatever training you wish.

However, I’m a firm believer in breed profiling. It’s called “breed standard” for a reason. Imagine going into a car dealership and saying I need a car, but having no idea what you want. Mini-van, Corvette, Jeep? What will you be using this car for? If you don’t know what you want, you won’t know what you’re getting. Pound puppies can follow some form of breed standard as well. If you adopt a Pit/Aussie mix, prepare for a lot of enthusiastic cuddling. A Basset/Poodle? Probably a lot of sedentary mind games, like chess. Not always the case, but a good general rule. Of course there are Frankendogs. The dogs that you have no idea what breed(s) they can be. Simply find out who they are, rather than focusing on what they are. (Hint: here’s an article that can help with that.)

Back to Sparta. She’s predominantly Shepherd, and boy does she show it. Obedient, trusting…every command I give her, I feel as if her response is Sir, yes sir! No, I didn’t make her that way; she just is. The problem? Shepherds were originally bred to guard livestock (not manage it….that’s you, Border Collies). She has it ingrained in her DNA to guard her pack, flock, family – whatever you want to call it. And she will do it with her life.

There’s an old joke about Shepherds: How many Shepherds does it take to change a light bulb? First you secure the perimeter. That is exactly who my Sparta is. That can make living with her in a very dense population a bit of a challenge. If a zombie apocalypse were ever to happen, she’s the dog you want. However, a walk through Downtown Mayberry? Yeah, that’s some Piloting that needs to happen there. Yes, it can be done, and I do it, but I realize that I will be Piloting her and answering her questions very frequently.

Is that a threat? No, Sparta. Should we reinforce our rearguard? No, Sparta.

I’m not angry with her, I’m never punishing her. I’m merely answering her (legitimate) questions. However, I know my limitations, as well as hers.

I recently (foolishly?) decided to completely renovate my bathroom. My family was out of town for about a week, and I thought it to be the perfect time to do it. However, I needed some help. I called a friend of our family, Sam, who generously came over every day to help me tear apart the bathroom, put in a new sub-floor, new tile, new vanity, new everything. Obviously, very involved, and a lot of noise to go with the project. Sparta happens to not like Sam. I don’t care if she’s best friends with him or not. She’s allowed to ask the question:

Can I kill him?No, Sparta. Not today.Okay, then. I’ll be in the mudroom if you need me to kill him.You enjoy yourself there, Sparta. And put down the Guns and Ammo magazine. How about some Vanity Fair mags for a bit?

Problem is, she will be asking that question frequently. Sometimes Sam might need to go downstairs by himself. Sometimes he might need to come in and out of the house while cutting tile. In Sparta’s mind, each instance is always a separate question. And yes, she will immediately accept the answer, but only if I give it. And right there is our limitation. What if Sam runs downstairs, just one time, and I don’t notice, and don’t answer her question? Sparta would do what comes naturally to her: defend the flock.

So instead of constantly being on alert for Sparta, she has spent a relaxing week at my mother’s house. She got to play with her “cousins”, Louie and Kiwi. More importantly, she had little to no questions to ask while she was there (thanks, Mom!). When she comes back today, she will notice that there is a new bathroom. Odds are, she’ll want to check it out to make sure there are no threats to our family in there (Sir, no Sir!) and all will be right with our little pack.

Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Franklin P. Jones

[Editor's note: My husband, Michael came up to me the other day as I was writing a blog post. He asked what I was doing, and I told him. He mentioned that he should write a blog post for me about what it's like being married to a dog trainer. Of course I jumped at the chance! So, I present to you, Michael's take on what it's like being married to someone who trains dogs]

I guess Orion is my Co-Pilot

I ran into one of my co-workers in the kitchen the other day. “I see you like Darwin Dogs on Facebook too! We hired Darwin Dogs a few weeks ago. Did you hire them too?”

I see it coming before I answer. “No,” I replied. “I’m Kerry’s husband.”

My co-worker began to laugh. “Does she Pilot you when she wants the dishes done? Does she do that thing she does to the dogs when you do something she doesn’t like? Does she give you a ‘negative’?” It kept up like this for quite a while. It was clear my co-worker was enjoying himself.

Of course, the answer is “No”, the reality far more pedestrian — we’re a normal married couple who treat one another like any other married couple. That is to say, we fight sometimes, get along most of the time, and love one another dearly. However, there are probably a few key ways in which my household differs from others:

1. We don’t tolerate bad behavior from our kids, or our dogs.

I think one of the key insights in having a well-behaved dog is to think of them as children, at least in a sense. When you see your children behaving badly, you correct the behavior.

However, when a dog starts jumping on most people, they think, “Ahh, that’s just a dog being a dog.” When a dog jumps on one of us, we immediately think of a small child yelling, “gimme gimme gimme”, and react appropriately.

Along those lines:

2. My dogs are the best behaved dogs I’ve ever met.

This is one of the perks of being married to a dog trainer. Frankly, I can be (and have been) a bit lazy about working with our dogs. I could chalk it up to having a full-time job (I work in technology), or the importance of the division of labor and specialization and all that, but the truth is more simple – I know my wife will do it and will do a better job than I will ever do, so I let her have at. In fairness, guess which of us sets up this blog and maintains the webpage?

It has given me a lot of insight into dogs, and the typical types of problems dog owners have. One interesting thing I’ve noticed is that nearly every owner thinks his or her problems are unique – everything from submissive urination, “aggressive” dogs (which are normally anything but) to simple poor leash-walking. My wife deals with the same problems over and over, which helps her to be better at her job. If she saw something new every single session, she wouldn’t be nearly as good as she is. Which brings me to:

4. My wife is *damn* good at what she does

Of course I’d probably say that even if it weren’t true, but I’ve been fortunate enough to accompany my wife on a few training gigs (somebody needs to stand outside in the winter and pretend to be the postal delivery person), and I’m amazed at just how well she does her job. While my wife is training dogs, she is really doing something far more involved – training humans how to interact with their dogs in a way the dogs will understand. My wife takes her role very seriously. Often, my wife is all that stands between the would-be dog owner, and either a well-adjusted dog, or a one-way trip to the shelter.

5. My wife has a demanding job

Though you might not realize it, her job is full-time. Beyond the training, there is the blog to maintain, calls to make & return, text messages to answer, volunteer work, market research — the list is nearly endless. The home visits themselves are really just the tip of a vast iceberg.

Orion took a little while to warm up to me at first, but after some patience, was soon rewarded with a happy-puppy dance every morning and a lap dog to enjoy my coffee with.

While most of the things I’ve listed are positive, there are also drawbacks to being married to a dog trainer – we usually have more dogs than I’d prefer running around the house at any given moment, there are dog treats stuck in our washing machine, and my wife is required to work odd hours. And of course initially when I’d ask her what her training schedule looked like on a particular day, my heart would skip a beat when she would casually throw out: “I have an aggressive Shepherd mix at 10, and then a puppy session from 1-3.” Now I realize that aggressive dogs are typically just scared, and I know that Kerry finds the puppy sessions more exhausting. Fun, but exhausting.

Wait….who’s dog is this?! KERRY?! DID WE GET ANOTHER DOG?!

Part of me does still get a kick out of people’s reactions when they hear what my wife does for a living. I love watching her get all excited answering questions about their own dogs, which invariably happens when they discover her profession. I’m proud of the volunteer and charity work Kerry does, and how she stands up for what she believes is right. But if I were to sum up Kerry in one word, that word would of course be “Pilot”. Someone who can calmly take the controls if necessary. Someone who is confident enough to know when someone else should fly the plane. Someone who knows their limitations, but tries every day to stretch those limitations. Kerry is someone who inspires me to do the same.

I’ve often said there’s nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse. Ronald Reagan

I’ve been working with dogs for many, many, years at this point. I’ve trained thousands of owners dogs, and my work load is pretty full, so I’m constantly able to re-evaluate my techniques and refine my approach, as well as fine-tune The PAW Method. While I will never be able to learn and know everything about dogs and their behaviors and interactions with humans, I will never stop adding to my cache of information, and will continue to learn until I’m gone from this world. But I recently realized that there was on crucial element I was missing.

I haven’t learned how to learn in a long, long time.

Look at it like riding a bike. I’ve been able to ride one since I was 6. Now everything I do on a bike is merely adding to information that I’ve already learned, but I’m not learning how to “bike” all over again, if you will. The same has held true with working with dogs. I’ve been “dogging” for so long, it’s second nature to me. But I forget sometimes that the methods I use are foreign to most people (hint: that’s why they work). I don’t do click and treat, nor do I feel the need to physically correct or punish a dog. I essentially teach people how to “dog” from the beginning, in a whole new way. Like learning how to ride a bike again, only in a fashion completely different from how you originally learned.

I need to learn how to learn again.

So I decided to do something about that. Meet Bounce.

Why the long face?

Bounce is a beautiful, sweet Thoroughbred owned by Jessica Cardillo, who runs Foundations Equestrian out of Olmsted Falls, Ohio. Jessica has been working with horses for as long as I’ve been working with dogs. I decided that it was about time for me to put myself in my clients’ shoes, and take instruction on a completely foreign concept. Namely, learning how to “horse”.

I’ve learned a few things. More than a few things, actually (such as the best way to shovel manure). But here are what I feel are the most important, especially how they apply to working with dogs.

1) Horses are huge.

No, that’s not me, but that’s how big I feel on top of Bounce, who is 16 hands high at the withers (base of her neck). That translates to 64″ high…not including her neck and head.

I am conveniently terrified of heights.

Aggressive dog with a bite history? No problem. Need to get onto the second step of a ladder to paint a wall?

How does that help me work better with my clients and their dogs? Well, I work with a lot of people who own dog-reactive dogs. These people are typically shell-shocked from trying to walk their dogs. They are constantly scanning the area around them for a threat another dog, and live in perpetual fear of a dog running up to them, or some idiot with a dog on a retractable leash who wants to let the dogs “just say ‘hi’ to each other”. They are literally terrified of their own dog, and how their dog reacts to other dogs.

I am literally terrified of getting on Bounce. I will be sitting over 5′ up in the air. That isn’t exactly what I’d classify as My Happy Place. But funny enough, just as sometimes I have to Pilot my clients, Jessica ends up Piloting me with Bounce.

“Put your foot in the stirrup, swing your leg over, and climb up there”, she says in a bored yet amused voice, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

But wait, maybe it is.

I’m no stranger to Piloting my clients through a scary situation, such as walking their dog-reactive dog past another dog on the other side of the street. ”Come on, let’s go. You’ve got this”, I say, as if it’s no big deal. And my clients do it, and do it well! But I’ve never been in the situation of being told it’s No Big Deal. But guess what….it wasn’t.

I can see my house from here…

First time sucked. Second time…sucked. Third time…still sucking. Actually, it always sucks. I’m still terrified of heights. Only now, I’m more accepting of the situation, at least on top of Bounce. I’m never going to like mounting up, just as my clients with dog-reactive dogs are never going to enjoy passing another dog, but at least I’m comfortable with my fear, and I have the tools to manage the situation (sit up straight, heels down, and relax), just as I give my clients the tools to work with their dog-reactive dogs.

2) Muscle is worthless.

Bounce is in beautiful condition. Me? I pulled a muscle in my ass just crossing my legs.

I have always loved working with dog owners who also have horses for one major reason: they already know they can’t muscle their way through a horse. If a horse doesn’t want to do something, you ain’t gonna physically make ‘em! So horse people don’t even try. They understand that might doesn’t make right…if it did, your horse would always be right. That translates onto their dogs. Horse people don’t force an issue. They rely on the horse trusting them. They do what’s called ground work, which is essentially Piloting a horse on a very long leash called a longe line, basically getting the horse to work with you and trust that you have the answers before you climb up on their back.

Fortunately, Jessica and Bounce are a team. Jessica has worked with Bounce, done the ground work, and Piloted Bounce so much that anything I do on Bounce’s back that’s wrong doesn’t freak Bounce out. They have an unspoken communication between them.

In other words, Jessica has Piloted Bounce so much that she trusts whatever Jessica does. Because it’s always been okay, it always will be okay. Jessica didn’t have to beat Bounce to achieve this, nor did she beg Bounce to trust her. Jessica simply took the Pilot position, answering questions for Bounce when she asked them, (“Can I refuse this jump?”) by calmly, but firmly restating her answers (“No, sweetie, you can’t”) using her body language, and correctly reading her horse’s body language. The more questions Jessica answers for Bounce, the easier it becomes to answer questions.

Not much different for dogs of any size. Muscle is what distances you from your dog rather than bonding with them. Makes you Master instead of Pilot. Dictator instead of Protector. Feared Alpha instead of trusted Leader. Just because you can (maybe) physically manhandle your dog into submission doesn’t mean you should. Trust is the means that enables you to work with your dog.

All of this is said without a breath in between. And I’m scrambling to try to keep it all together, while actively not falling off Bounce.

Back to the bicycle again. I can ride a bike easily, and I’m sure most of you can as well. However, think back to when you were first learning to ride a bike.

“…back in my day”

There were so many things to remember! How to brake. How to steer. Balance! And there were plenty of scraped knees and roughed-up elbows. But more and more you were able to put pieces together. Maybe not all at once…but more and more pieces started to feel comfortable. You could pedal without thinking of it anymore. Braking became more natural. Steering got better…pretty soon, you were “biking”! You got it!

Sometimes my clients get a bit overwhelmed. I have faith that they will get it, but they are convinced they are failing miserably, simply because they need some reminders.

I see my clients’ heads spinning, especially when learning leash skills. They’re thinking they’ll never get this right. So much to remember…but then I watch them. I’m not telling them to stop talking anymore; they’ve stopped on their own. They’re standing up straight. Their arms are a bit stiff, but this about progress, not perfection. And next thing you know, they’re “dogging”, and suddenly a beautiful grin comes across their face. They’re doing it!

There’s that grin.

Kerry Stack
Darwin Dogs
Dog Training in Cleveland, Ohio

If you live in Northeast Ohio and are interested in learning to “horse”, Jessica can be reached at 440-821-4887 and foundationseq@gmail.com. Bounce can be reached through feeding of carrots, brushing of her face, and a bit of spoiling and love.

If you go about it like most people do, you’ll put your dog into a sit, slowly back off of them, saying “stay, stay, stay”, then crouch down, and call them, giving them a treat when they get to you. Um, yeah…

Remember, you’re trying to catch a behavior and reward it with positive reinforcement. So let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.

Remember the three steps to working with a dog:

Control Yourself. Don’t be angry, don’t be frustrated. Be calm. If you can’t be calm, be gone and try again later.

Control the Situation. Don’t add energy to a situation you don’t already have control of.

We will be using positive reinforcement in this situation because we are asking a dog to do something human: learn a new language. Of course your dog already knows how to stay. So does an elephant, or any other animal. What we are teaching Fido how to do is link a word with a behavior. Any word will do, be it “stay” or “Bananarama”. The trick is to link it to the precise behavior you want.

So let’s take another look at what you did. You started off well, putting your dog in a sitting, calm position. You then calmly repeated the word “stay, stay, stay”, as you slowly backed off your dog, adding as little energy as you could, making sure you “nailed” your dog to that spot with your eyes and your finger as you back away from your dog.

Listen to your Uncle Sam. He’s got it right.

And then you derailed the whole thing by calling your dog and rewarding him when he came to you, telling him he was “Good stay! You’re such a good boy…good stay Fido, good stay”. Um,

You’re trying to catch the behavior of “stay”, not “come”. Now your dog is confused. Stay and come have become entwined. Remember, one word for one action. ”Come” means moving towards you. ”Stay” means not moving at all. But you just mixed them up for your dog.

Great. Total protonic reversal. Nice one.

So instead of calling them, after you’ve taken a few steps away from them, as you’re repeating “stay, stay, stay” ad nauseum, simply start moving towards them again, finger out Uncle Sam-style. When you get to them, calmly give them a reward. Your dog should not have moved a single muscle, staying glued to the floor the entire time. That’s how you catch a behavior.

So, you did it once or twice, merely taking a few steps away from your dog, and remaining in eyesight the entire time. You’ve controlled the present situation (as in Step 2 outlined above). Now you’re ready to add more stimulation: stay command out of sight.

So you put your dog in a sit, Uncle Sam him, and then leave the room, go outside, and take a jog around the block and, yeah…

Of course your dog didn’t stay! You added too much stimulation. Take baby steps…progress, not perfection. The first time you go out of the line of vision of your dog (maybe around a corner for just an instant), you will still be repeating the word “stay”, calmly, over and over again. You will only pop out of sight for just a brief moment. Your dog stays as you walk back. You reward. All is right with the universe.

Gradually add more and more to the amount of time you disappear from sight. Gradually repeat “stay” less and less. If the first time you repeated it 15 times during the exercise, the next time, try for 14. If Fido gets up, go back to 15 times for the next round, and then try 14 again. And then 12. And pretty soon you’re down to once or twice.

So how long does it take until your dog “gets” it?

Well, look at it like this. I’m currently learning Spanish. Ten minutes after I do one of my language exercises, I can remember almost 100% of the vocabulary words Two hours later, maybe 90%. The next day, 50%. That’s why I practice a lot Your dog is learning not only a new language, but a new way of communicating. Dogs aren’t based on vocal communications like we are. They don’t understand inflection or tonality.

They are based on body language. So cut them some slack, and don’t get angry when they’re being “stubborn”. They’re doing the best they can learning an entirely different form of communication. Give them some help: frequent micro-training sessions of less than a minute. Praise and rewards for getting it right. And the well-earned gift of your patience. Because that’s were true staying power comes from.

Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of chaos.

Douglas Coupland

Brittany Graham Photography

Today I had a conversation with my friend Anne (not her real name), who was having some problems housebreaking her dogs. I spoke with her for several minutes on the phone. While I was sitting on my couch with a nice, hot cup of coffee, helping her identify the housebreaking issue, Orion jumped up on the couch, jumped over me, and knocked my arm holding the cup of coffee , spilling it all over my couch. I pose question: whose fault was that, mine or Orion’s?

The answer: Neither and both.

Let me explain. There is one mantra I’d like you to chant over and over again. Something that will help you get through moments like the one I had today. Moments when your dog chews up your favorite shoes, or leaves a puddle on the floor. This is important enough to tattoo somewhere (inconspicuously, of course). Something that explains why you’re having problems with your dog,and what your reaction should be:

My dog is a wonderful dog, who is learning to be human. I am a wonderful human, who is learning what it is to be a dog.

Ink it

It’s a learning curve for both of you! Cut yourself some slack. Cut your dog some slack, and understand that you are working on a bond that transcends species! How many of us can say they have the perfect friendship/relationship/marriage that doesn’t have its ups and downs? Not me. And that’s a relationship that’s at least with someone who speaks the same language as you! That’s why I’m completely, 100% against blame of any kind. Wait a minute: let me get Captain Jack to explain. Everything sounds better coming out of Johnny Depp’s mouth, right?

But you HAVE heard of him?

Look at it like this…what are your goals for your dog? To be good? But a good what? Your dog can only be the best dog he can be. You can only be the best human you can be. Leave room for lots of error.

There’s an old saying about how to housebreak a puppy. Basically:

“A rolled up newspaper can be an effective training tool if used properly immediately after a housebreaking accident or if your dog chews something. Take the rolled up newspaper and hit yourself over the head while chanting the phrase “I forgot to watch my dog. I forgot to watch my dog. I forgot to watch my dog.”

I hate that mentality. Blame. It’s like ketchup to a kid. It goes with everything.

“Why yes, I would love a side of blame to go with my piping hot dish of guilt!”

That’s not to say there isn’t a problem. But let’s start out in the right frame of mind now, and starting off training by blaming anyone isn’t the way to go. Here are some simple ways to appropriately deal with a situation that you’ve deemed negative (remember, “negative” doesn’t mean “bad”, merely that you don’t want that behavior again). Let’s focus on the two problems that occurred today, Annie’s housebreaking problem and Orion’s incident, which we’ll dub Coffeegate:

Be rational. Orion didn’t wake up this morning and decide to leave a huge coffee stain in the middle of my couch. Dogs don’t premeditate anything. The universe isn’t conspiring against me, and my life doesn’t suck. I have a coffee stain on my couch. End of story. Your dog doesn’t hate you when he pees on the rug, nor is he getting back at you. You aren’t the world’s worst dog owner and your dog isn’t stupid. You’re trying (as a human) to understand why your dog is acting, well, like a dog! Understanding the logic of another human is difficult, let alone another species.

Determine if there is indeed a problem. Orion is allowed on the couch. I’m allowed to have coffee. Perfect storm of clumsy dog vs. clumsy owner? Possibly. Odds of the same situation happening again? Minimal. But that’s not always the case. Housebreaking issues? Yeah, you know that’s gonna happen again.

Have a plan. My plan for the couch? I flipped over the cushion. My plan for if the perfect storm aka “Cofffeegate” starts up again? The PAW Method. Answering’s Orion’s questions about whether or not he can jump up on the couch when I have coffee (hint: read this article to see how). Annie’s housebreaking issues are going to take a bit more effort, but here’s the Darwin Dogs’ method on dealing with housebreaking issues.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

Now think about all the times your dog has been angry at you. Or blamed you for something. Sparta, Orion and I had a pretty terrible day last week. Within the first 2 hours of waking up I accidentally kicked Sparta in the face while going up the stairs, and then punched Orion in the throat when I reached for my phone. Do you know how each dog reacted? Without blame. I felt terrible. That’s because I’m stuck being a human. My dogs? They got over it instantly. How lucky are they who have no word for “blame” or “guilt”. As Hoagland stated so succinctly:

In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.

Life must be lived as play.
- Plato

A tired pup is a good pup. One of the best ways to tire out a dog is to let another dog tire him out for you. Dog people like other dog people. Which means, at one point or another, a friend of yours has come up with the fantastic idea of coming over and bringing their dog with them. Immediately you are all for it and can only see the positives. Then, after you solidify a date, the questions start. How is their dog going to react to a new home? How will my dog react to having another canine in his home? What kind of boundaries and rules do they set up for their dog?

The best way to start off a play date is for all of you to go on a Piloted walk right away (no manic pups running rampant on retractables). This solidifies that you accept the other dog and owner as “pack” and therefore your dog will too. This also allows time for both dogs to get used to each other’s scent. The more the scent is familiar the less exciting and foreign it is. Even if your dogs have played together before, it’s never a bad idea to go on a walk before. Again, you’re re-familiarizing your dogs to each other. Don’t allow the dogs to play together until they both are calm. If you decide to go on a walk, have one dog enter the house and wait calmly. The second dog must be calm before entering the house. When you feel that you have control over the situation with both dogs in it, they can then interact with each other.

You are Pilot, which means you have to protect your pup if you need to. If you feel that the other “playmate” is behaving in a way that is making you or your dog uncomfortable, claim your dog. Use the same body language outlined in The PAW Method at the dog park or during a doggie play date. Place yourself between your dog and the visiting dog with strong body language to communicate your ownership of your own dog. It is also best to remove any high value toys that may be around (i.e. rawhides, antlers). These toys can bring out some resource guarding tendencies in either dog, even if you haven’t been aware of them.

As far as rules go, think of the saying “my house, my rules”. Dogs that come to visit me, have to abide by the same rules that my own dog does. I use my body language to let the visiting dog know what is allowed and what is not. The same thing goes for my two legged visitors. If I feel as though my dog needs a break but the other owner wants to let them continue to play, I’m not afraid to use gentle confident body language to make my point. By standing up straight and placing myself in between both dogs, I’m saying, “No, not right now”, not only with my voice but with my body too, but in a gentle way. Your pup is looking to you for direction and protection as you are their Pilot. That means being smart with what you allow and how you react to certain situations. Having a “doggy play date” has so many benefits. The best part is, after your dog’s friend leaves, they will be looking forward to some catching up on some sleep.

Fun fact for the day: While humans have about 5 million scent glands, it’s nothing compared to your pup, who has anywhere from 125 million to 300 million scent glands.

We see the world predominately through sight, whereas dogs come to understand the world through smells. Think of it this way, if you were to make a crockpot meal and have it on low for the full 8 hours your dog wouldn’t just smell the stew for 8 hours. Your dog would smell the carrots, the onions, the beef and the broth all separately as their own entity… for 8 hours. Now, this post isn’t about making you feel guilty about crock pot meals, it’s about finding a fun way for you to bond with your dog as well as give him some mental work outlined in the PAW method while using his Super Smeller.

I’m sure you’ve seen dogs that do scent detection work. They look for missing persons, contraband in airports and even prey (i.e. fox, rabbits). But you can do scent detection in your own home with your pup. He may never find Timmy in the well 5 miles away, but he can find objects you have around the house.

Scent Detection Fun

To start working with your dog on scent detection, you need a trigger object (what your dog is trying to find). When first teaching a job scent detection, I favor strongly scented objects, such as lemons and limes. Place your dog in a sit-stay command. Hold the object in front of his nose (if you need to lightly cup your hand around the bridge of the nose to make your pup focus more that’s fine). Repeat the word “Scent” at least 5 or 6 times. Give the stay command, and in a very short distance in plain sight place the trigger object down.

Move your attention to your dog, point at the treat/toy and say “Find it”. Your dog should go straight to the toy/treat. Once he engages with the object by touching the object he was searching for, praise him like crazy. You can praise him by using the Touch, Talk, Treat method. Give your pup a light touch while saying a phrase , such as “good dog” and then pop a treat in their mouth. Soon they’ll start to align getting the Touch and Talk with the Treat and you don’t have to use the treat every time.

Do this a few times with the toy/treat in plain sight. When you feel your dog has a handle on it, go ahead and hide the object around a corner or behind another object, but somewhere we he can see you put it down. Repeat the word “find it” and always praise him when he does.

Soon, you can have him in a sit/stay command and hide an object in the other room. Always make sure you give him the scent of the object before you hide it. If he needs help, stand near the object you have hidden to give him a hint as to where to look.

Feel free to have fun with it and change up the object. Once your dog has a handle on it, switch up the objects he’s looking for. It doesn’t have to be one of his own – it can be a shirt of yours or a towel. Anything you can think of! The key is to always reward him when he does find it, even if it takes him a while. Remember, positive reinforcement is a must for this situation.

Let’s say your dog is having some trouble finding the object. If he’s looking around for the object frantically or doesn’t seem to understand what you’re asking him to do, gently direct him to the object while repeating the phrase “find it”. You can do this by gentle tugs on the collar until he gets to the object. Once he engages (i.e. picks it up, touches with his nose or makes even eye contact with it) then praise again.

This is a great way to bond with your dog and get some more mental activity in. I highly recommend taking advantage of it now when it’s hard to go on long walks with your pup. My Porter personally likes finding limes,and I have a great time working as a team with him.That’s what bonding is all about!

In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

Mahatma Gandhi

My majestic Papillon, Orion

Dogs are a great mystery. They work magic in everyday situations: they console silently. They entertain. They are faithful. They are, in short, amazing creatures.

There’s a story about when my husband and I were first dating. He stopped by my house for the first time, and Darwin ran up to greet him. My husband reached down and made a huge fuss about my dog. As I was walking into the other room to grab my purse before leaving, I called out to him, “Don’t try to get in good with me through my dog.”

My absolutely handsome dog, might I add.

Years later, we laugh about that. My husband admits that yes, he was trying to “get in good” with me through my dog, but he also did like Darwin – a lot. And if I’m honest with myself, I know that no matter how wonderful my husband is, if he hadn’t liked loved Darwin, I would not have married him.

I recently stumbled upon a short by Disney. It perfectly captures the various roles of a dog - in seven minutes. Watching this made me think of Darwin, and how hard it must have been for him. See, Darwin and I were best friends. He slept in bed with me. He shared all my adventures (he was my date to two separate weddings). He was my therapist and my personal trainer. He was my binge-watching X-files partner. How difficult it must have been for him to have someone else move into those roles. My husband is 6ft., as am I. There was no room in the bed for all three of us, so I bought Darwin a nice, comfy bed for the floor. Kids came, meaning he was no longer my personal trainer – we were relegated to our daily walk, not our everyday rambling jaunts. But Darwin took it in stride. Because he loved me. Life may change, but not our bond. Circumstances may differ, but not our devotion. And even though he went over the Rainbow Bridge many years ago, he’s still my boy.

Darwin’s last pic.

So when I saw this animated short, aptly entitled “Feast”, it instantly brought a smile to my face, because that was Darwin.