Sunday, March 11, 2018

This song came on my speakers as I drove home from church today, and I felt God remind me of this photo someone took of me at church many years ago.

This is me at my strongest.

I thought of all the battles I've fought on my knees, all the times God came through for me in the past, and how despite the circumstance - His embrace always makes everything okay.

It's been a challenging past few months, for many reasons. I've questioned my identity, my gifts, my purpose, my choices, my dreams - whether or not I had the courage to pursue it, my weaknesses and my worth. I've questioned the expectations that the people and the world around me had for me. I've questioned everything and some days it left me exhausted, broken and afraid of the future.

I've always had a pretty close relationship with God, but even that has fluctuated throughout the years - I have been the girl on my knees who would boldly pray "here I am Lord, send me" and I have also been the Sunday Christian whose relationship with God only went as far as attending church on the days my work schedule allowed it. And funny enough, when I look back at my life, it was at the toughest moments of my life that I was drawn closest to God, learning then to let Him carry me through and fight my battles for me.

Somewhere in this season, I found myself running back into Papa's arms again. And oh, how He loves indeed. When my heart is quiet enough to listen, he never fails to speak wisdom into my life with this unmistakable authority that is firm, yet gentle. He corrects the error of my ways, dusts me off, and gives me the courage to face tomorrow. He helps me to dream again and teaches me to activate my faith. And He always, always reminds me that I am not alone.

My heart is so blessed. Thank You Papa.
The road ahead may be long, but I look heavenwards and know that He's got me.
Everything's gonna be okay.

"The Lord your God will fight for you.You need only to be still."
- Exodus 14:14

“Not that I speak in regard to need, but I have learnt in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learnt both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.”
- Philippians 4:11-12

"I look to the hills, from where my help comes fromMy help comes from the Lord."
- Psalm 121:1-2

Saturday, February 10, 2018

In the past week, I've started a Cardiology term. We had a patient who had a major heart attack. Fortunately, he was rushed into the cath lab in time for a life-saving procedure to re-open his blocked heart vessels.

As my boss put it the next day - he was very lucky to be alive.

As a doctor, I see plenty of life and death situations each day. I see cancers, strokes, heart attacks, kidney failure, dementia.. the list goes on and on.
And as I age, I see it in the people around me - relatives, friends and their parents too.

Life truly is so fragile.

I am forced to question - have I become guilty of getting so caught up in routine and my own agenda that I have forgotten we aren't promised tomorrow?

Perhaps if I kept this perspective, I would live a bit more freely, perhaps I would forgive a bit more quickly, dream a bit more courageously, give even more generously, be more thankful for the abundance that I have, hold on to what truly matters, share of the joy and love Christ has given me more often and squeeze every last drop of goodness that today has to offer.

Friday, December 8, 2017

Because at the end of the day, isn't that really the point - that we grow in the midst of abundance and trials, joy and tribulations, to become more like Christ?

..."Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
- 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Every time I re-read that passage in Corinthians, something else stands out and speaks directly to my spirit.
But.. knowing Papa, that shouldn't surprise me by now.

"For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and the intents of the heart."
- Hebrews 4:12

..

The end of the year (not to mention annual leave) is always a time for reflection - to ponder on the year gone by, lessons learnt and those yet to be learnt, and to consider new resolutions for the coming year.

One of the big changes in my life this past year was being in a committed relationship. Yes, there have been many moments of bliss, sunshine and magic, but perhaps the most rewarding experience in this has been the process of sanctification that Papa has been gently bringing me on. To learn to love the way He does - patiently, generously, selflessly and completely; to cheerfully give despite what I may or may not get in return; to forgive daily the way Papa does and to accept forgiveness too - these are lessons that I am still learning, but have felt so very enriched by.

I love that I serve a God who leads by example, a God who is Love and gives me such good instruction that I may truly flourish in His sight. I know I can be patient, because that's what Papa does for me every day as He waits for me to grow.Freely I have received and now freely I must give.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart,Try me and know my anxieties, And see if there is any wicked way within me,And lead me in the way everlasting."
- Psalm 139:23-24

So shape me O Papa God I pray, mold my heart to be more like Yours. Teach me to deal with the naughties in my heart and to learn to live life the way You do - freely, and lightly. May I continue to lean in close and watch how You do it. I know there are days I will falter Daddy God, days where I will fail to reflect Your grace in every area of my life, but don't give up on me I pray. Don't stop speaking to me personally Papa, and I pray that these words would always, always be noticeably true in my life - Kau hadir di setiap langkahku. Thank You Papa for Your grace, for loving me so much that I am able to love others too, for growing me, teaching me, and for believing in me the way You do. How could I ever thank You enough. All this I pray in Jesus name, AMEN.