This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting teens (age 12-17), including physical, emotional, and cognitive development, handling peer pressure, activities & sports, choosing a college, and relationships.

motivation/lying

I am the mom of 15 y.o. girl. She lacks motivation, has been caught lying to us. I've lost trust in her as a result.
I talk to her about trust, yet, we are snooping on her and found she had set up several facebook accounts. In any event, how do I help her gain self esteem, motivation and stop the lying even when she is caught red handed? Thank you

I can't give much advice..but what I CAN say is that about 14-16 is an age range where kids act exactly like your describing. As the oldest of 3 kids, and the 3rd oldest of 14 cousins, I have seen most of us go through this stage, and remember it myself. I remember the lying, back talking..just being sneaky. Didn't communicate with my parents; all of a sudden they just seemed annoying and unfair. All I wanted to do was hang out with friends and party. Now I see my younger sister and male cousin both at this stage and boy is it annoying..I feel like they won't do ANYTHING with their lives, and my sister is always making up stuff. My parents are a tad more lax on her than they were on me, so they have a better relationship.

Honestly the best advice I can give is to not be TOO strict about things she may want to do. Don't just "not care", but the thing is..if she thinks the answer will always be no, that's when the lying starts. Compromise, if there's a party, don't just simply say yes, or no. If there's going to be kids drinking (which there always is) you have to tell her that your going to trust her to make the right decisions and be responsible. Have an agreed pick up time.

Motivation wise,, everything is about getting involved. Self esteem comes from there too. It's a hard age, because there's always someone your not as cool as, so getting out there and being motivated are hard. What does she live? Sports? Music? Art? Someone unique? No matter what it is, be sure to give her opportunities and full support. I was shy my whole life, partied in my early teens..and didn't get out there and discover my passion until I was about 17!

Thank you for taking the time to comment. It most certainly is a difficult age. And she being the oldest, I guess, is preparing us for the others. As for motivation even things she likes she only wants to do the bare minimum. Thank you.

The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Med Help International, Inc. is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.