First drive: BMW 135i M Coupe

Originally published: May 17, 2011

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Monticello, N.Y. — I hate indecision. I like mine to be a simple world of black and white. Be it the world of politics, sex or automobiles, I despise the confusion that comes with ambivalence. Life burdens us with hundreds of decisions every single day; vacillation just makes the day that much longer.

This made my waffling over my favourite car a few months ago mildly disturbing. Unable to decide between the Mini Cooper S and the BMW 135i for my Editor’s Picks, I simply declared it a tie, a concept not even the NHL accepts anymore. For anyone looking for a definitive winner (other than BMW, of course, since both cars are built by the Bavarian firm) from a usually decisive voice, it must have been a disappointment.

BMW has, however, ended my suffering. It did so by simply offering up an M version of its top-of-the-line 135, the 1 Series M Coupe. Eagle eyes will note that this latest motorsports-massaged Bimmer has the “M” designation after its numeric appellation (as in 1M) as opposed to before (as in M1). To purists, this is the signal that this is not a true M Division car just as the X6 M is a bit of a poseur compared with the M6. Adding fuel to this argument — at least according to a few famous enthusiast magazines from England — is that the M Coupe’s upgraded engine, rather than being a bespoke fettled item from the M department, is simply a semi-garden-variety twin-turbocharged 3.0-litre liberated from the Z4 iS. Despite an upgrade from single-turbo’ed 300 horsepower to twice-turbocharged 335 hp, the end result is seen — at least to some — as somehow lacking.

What a load of hogwash! When did 335 hp in a 1,525-kilogram package become anything less than exquisitely sporty? Have we become so inured to over-the-top Silicon Pammys that the likes of Sophia Loren’s bosom is now somehow inadequate? To put it into perspective, the 1 Series M Coupe (and, yes, that does seem an awkward moniker compared with simply calling the little beast an M1) tops out at “only” 250 kilometres an hour because BMW has limited it so. It also scoots to 100 km/h in less than five seconds. By any measure, that’s more than enough oomph.

It certainly has enough to get me seriously — as in way, way too — sideways at Monticello Motor Club’s decreasing-radius Turn 9, my optimistic decision to turn the DCS traction control system completely off suddenly seeming very foolish.

Indeed, the M Coupe’s power is deceiving. Unlike the M Division’s traditional naturally aspirated engines that need much sound and fury before they start producing tire-shredding horsepower, the M Coupe’s twin-turbo 3.0L starts playing silly bugger as low as 3,000 rpm. By 3,000 rpm, there’s 369 pound-feet available. Those 369 torques may be only available for short-term overboost, but then it doesn’t take long to get a car completely sideways. As to the assertion — again credit some of those “enthusiast” books — that plumbing turbochargers into the exhaust system reduces the glorious engine note common to the M Division’s cars, I beg to differ. Yes, the 1 Series M Coupe’s howl is muted compared with the glorious sound of one of the early M3’s screaming sixes, but I’ll take even this somewhat muffled version of BMW’s iconic in-line six over the decidedly less attractive note of the M5’s V10, even if it is allowed full bellow.

The M Coupe further reminds me of earlier M3s (remember that the current M3 is powered by a V8 rather than the aforementioned in-line six) by being available only in six-speed manual format. Not automatic transmission. Not dual-clutch, self-shifting SMG thingie. Slick-shifting with pleasantly short throws and a relatively light clutch, this latest M product is a throwback to the era of the classic “driver’s” car.

The same applies to the chassis, which, unlike some M products, is wonderfully devoid of electronic adjustability. You can alter throttle response at the touch of a button and enable a more liberal interpretation of traction control, allowing some sliding (and, of course, switch it off as I foolishly did), but the suspension damping remains unaltered.

But thanks to M3 suspension (including the M3’s five-link rear suspension and M Variable Differential) and steering underpinnings, adjustability is simply not required. Indeed, thanks to the 1 Series’ shorter wheelbase, the M Coupe may actually be more agile than the pricier M3. Those flogging (or, in my case, abusing) the car on a race track will find the suspension a little softer than other full-blown M cars, but in even the most spirited driving on the street, the 1 Series M remains taut and precise.

The same simplicity applies inside the M Coupe. Yes, there’s an iDrive system, but it is a blessedly simple version. There’s also a welcome minimization of the buttonry on both the dashboard and steering wheel. Gadget geeks may lament the basic nature of the interior, but for those for whom complication just distracts from the art of driving, it is a welcome simplicity.

And it’s tarted up just the right amount with M badging and some velvety black Alcantara leather highlighting the dash and doors. The standard Sports seats provide excellent lumbar and side support, though like many such seats they will not suffer too many trips to the McDonald’s drive-thru lane. Like other 1 Series, the M Coupe does come somewhat stripped. If you want the (much recommended) harman-kardon sound system or the electric seats, you’ll have to order the optional Executive package for $4,900. On the other hand, the 1 Series M Coupe’s base price of $53,600 makes it the most affordable M division product BMW has ever offered.

And for that one gets a car that is the spiritual descendant of the original six-cylinder E36 and E46 M3s. While current M cars have certainly pushed the performance envelope, I for one prefer the simplicity of this new M Coupe and its return to BMW’s roots. This is the car I would definitely own were I — Gasp! Shock! Horror! — suddenly forced to pay for my own car. Thank God for the end to the dithering.