WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a recent Space Force strategic meeting held at the White House, President Donald Trump was asked to please stop making “PEW, PEW, PEW” noises and playing with models of fictional starfighters.

Pompeo said, “And so I think that a Space Force accomplishes several obj—”

“PEW PEW PEW! I can’t shake em! Arrrgggg!!!” Trump interrupted as he simulated a dogfight between a Millennium Falcon model and several TIE fighter models used in the X-Wing Miniatures Game. “USE THE FORCE, HAN!”

Trump’s Secretary of State sighed and put his head in his hands. “Mr. President, can you please try to pay att—”

“SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO ROLL THE HARD SIX,” Trump interjected, quoting a line from Battlestar Galactica. “Frakkin’ toasters everywhere! Beam me up, Scotty!”

“That’s not even the same franch—You know what, never mind. Mr. President, why don’t you take over?” an exasperated Pompeo replied.

Trump then tried to get serious, and began outlining his plan to launch several scores of X-Wing fighters and a Basestar into space by the end of the year.

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