AdAl
Celestia is dying. Or at least it seems so. Afflicted with a curse that is destroying her very nature, she sets a plan in action. The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony will take the throne in her wake... Not that they know that yet... ·cloudedguardian

CoAd
Congratulations, Twilight. With the Princesses on vacation, you're in charge of Equestria. Perhaps it's a bit early to congratulate you. After all, whether it's a jealous nobility or an unhappy military, your reign will be anything but ·xTSGx

AdAl
All ponies do it. At some point in their life they grin. Maybe it's a small mischievous grin, maybe one of pure happiness, maybe it's just a habit, but they all do. My Name is Grinning Sun, and I grin for other reasons. ·Dradavar

AdAl
In a world where magical airship travel has directed and defined life in Equestria for centuries, the RES Corona is the most dangerous ship in the Equestrian Navy. A cocksure band of six unlikely pirates begs to differ. AU, technically post-S3. ·Aquaman

DaAdAl
Orphaned as an infant, Snowdrop is adopted by Princess Luna. However, being a member of the royal family comes with great challenges- some of which could spell doom for the entire kingdom. ·keaton-furman-prower

AdAl
Princess Twilight Sparkle has her own student now who is interested in the story of Nightmare Moon. However when she's told it none of Nightmare Moon's actions make any sense! That's when her teacher asks if she wants to hear the real ·Foals Errand

It's been two months since the battle against Nightmare Moon. Luna is recovering, Celestia is busy turning the government back into a diarchy, and the Mane Six have returned to their lives. All seems well, but when Celestia discovers that half of the power of the Elements of Harmony have been transferred to each of the Bearers, she decides to send thirteen mysterious members of the Royal Guard to monitor them as they manifest and develop their new abilities.

The sins of a forgotten war still linger, and an ancient evil lurks in the shadows, just waiting for the right time to strike. The Mane Six suddenly find themselves once again at the heart of a conspiracy to bring about Eternal Night, and only by awakening their powers and realizing their full potential can they do anything to stop it. Friends both old and new will help them along the way, and an unseen force will guide them as it seeks to right a wrong made thousands of years ago. The Bearer's journeys will take them outside the borders of Equestria and into the world beyond, and when they return, they'll have the power and experience necessary to save the world and bring about balance in all things.

-Two new scenes have been added to Chapter 1, and the order of all the scenes in the Chapter has been changed.

-The end scene in Chapter 3 has been completely changed and rewritten.

-The beginning scene in Chapter 4 has had some dialogue tags rearranged to accommodate the changes made in Chapters 1 and 3.

-Chapter 5 has had dialogue changes to better explain later events.

-The Prologue has been removed.

5/10/12

-Several grammatical errors have been fixed.

-Chapters 2-6 have had small changes in the form of action tags and description alterations.

-The opening scene of Chapter 1 has been rewritten and changed.

-The name of the story has been changed.

7/10/12

-The scene with Blair, Elo, and Strauss in Chapter 8 has had dialogue changes to better clarify a plot point.

- EQD INC

7/14/12

-The description of Horizon's barrier has been changed from transparent to opaque (I should really look up the definitions of words before I use them)

7/20/12

-Blair and Piro's discussion in Chapter 3 has had a minor alteration to better reflect later events.

-The status of Rarity's recovery has been changed due to plot reasons. The dialogue sections in Chapter 8 concerning her have been altered to reflect this.

8/6/12

-The definition of the Sonic Rainboom in relation to this universe now reflects that of a sonic boom in real life, aka Mach 1 and not Mach 5. All instances where this information shows up in the story have been altered to reflect this.

8/20/12

-Rarity's dream sequence at the end of Chapter 11 has had an alteration to coincide with events in Chapter 16.

9/13/12

-The terrible info dumps in Chapter 16 have been changed.

10/2/12

-The structure of the story has been changed to resemble a three-act play to separate the story in terms of pacing and overall tone.

-The cover picture has been changed.

-The author's reverse carpal ligaments have been cut, resulting in less pressure and inflammation on his median nerves.

10/5/12

-In Chapter 15, it's been changed that Libra's mother was the one who warned him, not his father.

-Piro's memory in Chapter 6 has had a minor alteration.

10/24/12

-One of Blair's comments in his discussion with Celestia in Chapter 1 has been changed to better reflect later events.

11/5/12

-Cetus is no longer a Lord because the title isn't gender appropriate.

12/5/12

-The description of Zecora's hut in Chapter 5 has been changed.

1/2/13

-The end scene in Chapter 23 has been altered to better reflect later events.

-Zemblani has been given a cutie mark in Chapter 19. It's described as 'a circle with a black and white spiral inside it.'

-The Element of Laughter was always meant to be associated with wind. Small changes have been made in Chapters 5, 9, 14, 16, and 23 to reflect this.

1/6/13

-The story description has been updated.

1/9/13

-Zecora now refers to Pinkie as her Maalufunzi, which is a Zhevari word roughly meaning 'Sacred Apprentice,' or 'Student of the Sacred Arts.' Changes have been made in Chapters 5 and 14 to reflect this.

2/14/13

-Applejack's Strength power has been buffed to also make her immune to poison in addition to disease.

There were only two comments that weren't made by me. One of them was a feedback post for the Prologue that I saved all the info from in a word doc and made the changes that were recommended. And it didn't make sense to have the comment there after I removed the Prologue, (I felt it was hurting the story.)

Haha, it's all good. I'm glad you're enjoying it. And I’m not surprised that I haven’t gotten much in terms of comments. When I first posted the story, it had a lot of mistakes that amateur writers make, (LUS, SvT, Adverb Attacks, Flow, Plot Holes, Purple Prose, and others.) I’ve been reading guides on writing and having editors from ponychan look at the chapters as I release them, so that’s definitely helped. I’m planning on submitting this to EqD when I finish Chapter 10 to see if it gets approved. Hopefully I'll get some more comments then.

Fun fact about real life bears, or at least some species of them, the mother gives birth during hibernation, barely waking up during the process if at all. She essentially goes to bed pregnant and wakes up with newborn children.

Sounds like I might need to re-think the title and description. It's something I've considered and need to work harder on. The problem is that the plot is overly complicated and difficult to describe in a blurb. I've redone it several times as it is, and will most likely continue to do so until I get something that is more alluring.

I am not saying things should be changed: Just a simple clarifying sentence at the top could do much.

Still. You tickled my fancy:

Have a mysterious and cryptic summary. It could use a bit of work.

The Elements Of Harmony are old. Older then Celestia and older then current history recalls. So how it is that when shattered in the battle with nightmare moon a part of each Element found a place within the body of their bearer? Celestia knows how, and she even knows why. She gambles much so the six mares can be protected as The Elements Of Harmony within them grow and recover. But there is darkness on the Crumbling Horison.

The guards she sends to protect them know far, far much then they should. Their secret a dark result of hope gone terribly wrong.

The clock ticks the final seconds before doom of Horison. As the Elements: Awaken.

As for the title...

Well In the 100k words I only got a hint of that the hey the zodiac ritual was.

You could keep it. Or perhaps rename it Crumbling Horizon? MIND YOU! I would consider things very very much before actually changing the titles to any of my stories. It. Should. Come. From. You.

Keep having fun! Love the work.

After reading over this coment it looks a bit dry so have a smiley or two.

A small amount of confetti jettisoned out from the chimney of Pinkie’s house, gently fluttering to the ground. The muted explosion caused a few nearby pedestrians to stop momentarily, but they continued on their business a few seconds later, after shaking their heads in knowing amusement.

“What in Celestia’s name is this?” Vigil demanded.

Ras shook his head. “I have no idea.”

“Hello, Guardsponies!”

Both of them turned to see Pinkie standing in the far corner, waving with an innocent smile. A massive cannon with a shiny red button stood beside her.

Vigil’s eyes went wide. “Is that a—”

“WELCOME TO PONYVILLE!” Pinkie smashed the button.

A small amount of confetti jettisoned out from the chimney of Pinkie’s house, gently fluttering to the ground. The muted explosion caused a few nearby pedestrians to stop momentarily, but after shaking their heads in knowing amusement, they continued on their business.

This story is really quite, quite amazing. I have never before been as ashamed by fimfiction and its Featured Box's predilection for hammy oneshots, rather than works such as this. As a reviewer, I have been unable to really review a good, multichaptered fic in weeks, but this concept and its execution were so wonderfully pulled off that I cannot help but applaud you. I can only encourage you more in your writing.

Of course, if I may make the obligatory nitpick, there are a few typos scattered throughout (capitalization, punctuation, etc) but nothing glaring whatsoever. A delightfully original concept, and one that's been done nearly perfectly thus far, from start to finish.

Mane 6 gaining superpowers - darn, you took my idea and managed to get onto EqD with it!!!

Still, I salute you sir for managing to accomplish what I had failed to do with my own fanfic, and even managed to put an original twist onto a concept so pants-shittingly awesome. This fic has REALLY tickled my fancy, and I'm going to be watching very closely to see what other powers you give the Mane 6 in future chapters. Consider me highly intrigued with the direction you're going in with this concept.

That said, would you mind checking out 'The Order of Koaxia' and dropping off some critiques on how I'm writing it out? I'd like to know how I could improve my story so that it could make it onto EqD as well

Rainbow felt the familiar strain in her back and chest muscles as she pulled up, her wings snapping taut as they caught the air and leveled her out at a ninety degree angle. She cruised just above the ground at supersonic speeds, sending loose plants, debris, and even the occasional small animal flying in her wake.

Since you didn't bother to describe or even mention her pulling off the Rainboom (you mention the mach cone, but not the boom itself), I'm gonna go ahead and say that she wasn't actually flying a supersonic speeds. Methinks subsonic is the term you were looking for, there. Or, if you did mean to say supersonic, then you should really mention that she broke the sound barrier. Considering how close she would have been to the ground at that point, it would probably culminate in another Rainnuke explosion, as well.

An amazing fiction. You've managed to put considerable expansion into an already preexisting world with it's own mythology and made it your own. I read the first chapter earlier today and simply had to finish it.

Out of curiosity, does this take place during any specific part of the canon timeline?

I'll comment on the thing that, oddly enough, struck me the hardest: I enjoy the fact that there is an easily identifiable chronology and continuity, both in the story itself and in relation to the FiM timeline. It's odd how many stories become vague and incomprehensible when setting a timeframe.

I think that this is just the pavilion that was assigned to Ponyville, and then the missing pony was the extra one Celestia assigned and who already knows the orders (that is if I am remembering correctly)

>>924339924339 This has really stuck out as notable to me too, in addition to the general high quality of the story. I like that most of the main six haven't met the CMC before, for example. It's neat to see a story set so firmly and early in the series' chronology, especially one that is diverging significantly from it.

This is a rare example of proper early modern English on fimfiction. Have a cookie.

I have yet to read subsequent chapters, but lacking any hindsight, the exchange with blair confuses me. I presume that the barrier is one inside blair? and that it contains horizon? These questions will keep me reading, but in the slightly-irked fashion of one who isn't being let in on the joke, as it were.