Champions: Brock McRock

A wise man once told me, “If you were to put a pair of undies on a U.S. map, Texas would be the cock n’ balls of America.” I would add that if you were to locate the name-tag sewn above the skidmarks, they’d read “BROCK McROCK” (Taylor Fullbright).

This guy hates all things “big city,” and that includes highfalutin city types, indoor plumbing, carpetbaggers of all shapes and sizes, and big government. He is tolerant of “the gays,” “the blacks,” and “the browns,” and even advocates to one day build a free wall around Texas for them to enjoy – from their native soil, of course.

McRock is a rare breed: a true believer in the greatness of our enterprise, a prolific advocate of “Air Guitar for World Peace,” and a pleasure to encounter in every city he chooses to surprise us. His schtick occasionally confuses his fans – like when he wore butterfly wings outside of his trademark blazer – but his heart never does. Wherever there’s a Fox Sports camera crew and a strobing jockstrap, he’s never far behind. Today, we officially recognize Mr. Brock McRock as an official US Air Guitar Champion and all around good dude.

UPDATE 8:15 PM Texas Moonshine Time: Upon learning her beau is an official USAG Champion, Brock McRock’s lady just proposed! Congratulations to you both!