opinion article

School of Martyr Ahmadinejad

We learned a lot of lessons in Mr. Ahmadinejad’s era, which we will teach to you too:

Grammar lesson: “We can” is a present tense verb, but if, after a while, you “can’t,” then it becomes a pluperfect verb.

Dictation lesson: A dictator is a person who dictates; but even if he dictates correctly, people usually don’t understand what he means.

Physics lesson: An object in motion doesn’t always stay in motion; sometimes it falls and crashes.

Geography lesson: Iran is a land amongs foreign lands. But when all foreigners are enemies, we must necessarily change the internal conditions.

History lesson: People who glue themselves to now like glue are remembered only as gluey blemishes in history.

Physical Education lesson: High jumps don’t always take us to heights of success; sometimes we rip our pants.

Philosophy lesson: I don’t think, therefore I am. He thinks for me, so if I think for ten minutes, then I no longer am, because he wants me to exist so that I don’t think.

Religion lesson: People who get used to living in a country like hell probably are not too afraid of going to hell, because the worst possible scenario is for things to continue as is.

Geometry lesson: Two parallel lines do not intersect, even if you spend seven hundred billion dollars to do just that.

Iranian History lesson: Only he who has never read history would claim that he is the best politician in Iranian history.

Biology lesson: Monkeys, after they started using tools, gradually evolved into humans, and formed governments. But when governments use tools just to beat their opponents in the head, they gradually go extinct, can’t stand on two legs, turn into monkeys and have to return to tree-tops.

Statistics lesson: A candidate can be elected as president with only thirty percent of the vote and without cheating; but when 125 percent of voters in many precincts vote for a candidate, then there has definitly been cheating.

Psychology lesson: When someone sees a ray of light over his head, he can certainly see reality however he likes.

Manners lesson: When a child is dirty, unorderly, unruly and without manners, his manner score is zero. But when a president is dirty, unorderly, unruly and without manners, a whole nation’s manner score goes down.