Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:26 pm

Hi there. I am a big fan of the series Grim Tales from Down below and I have begun writing my own story that is about the Grim Tales series (even though afterbirth isn't out yet ) I have been thinking about the ideas for my story but I can write the story but I cant really draw the characters (didn't get the good drawing genes). So if you would be interested in reading my stories just let me know and if you do like the idea just pm me. I will begin to post my story on Thursday January 19 and I'll see what you think about it. If anyone can help me out with the drawings just tell me.

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Sat Jan 21, 2012 11:01 pm

Thank you for liking my story. I'm re-writing the part i posted to make it sound better since i got help from one of the comic makers on SNAFU. I will be working on it and part 2-4 (i hope 4) over the week.

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:39 pm

News: Hello peoples who read this! My first part of this comic is here. I will be releasing parts 2-3 tomorrow. Here you go! (Credit to Bleedman and the creator of Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy also thanks BeeAre for helping me)

Grim Tales: Crossroads of Destiny (remake)“This is a story about two siblings that have incredible adventures over the course of their childhood and adulthood. But the one of the most interesting has to be…”

“Minnie, Minnie!? Where are you? Look I’m really sorry about what I said” said Junior. (Man this is worse than the time I had yelled at her on Halloween) *flashback*.

“Hey mom so what is Halloween?” said Junior, “Did you ever wonder what that was or where it came from?” “Umm…. No not really”. “Well then its time you found out…” (“This is Halloween” plays)

“BOO!” yelled a skeleton, “Mom!!!!!! Help me he’s scary!” said Junior. “Ah I see you have met your Uncle Jack….”. “Hello there Junior!! My goodness it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, my have you grown since I last saw you”. “Ah and you must be MiniMandy”, said Jack. “I am honored to meet thee King of the Pumpkins, and I must say Halloween is the holiday that makes me feel enamored and thy welcome was quite amazing”. “Thank you, and Grim how nice of you to show up!”

“Whoa!” (Crashing sound). “Ow ow ow” said Junior, “I am sorry Master Junior! I did not see you there!”, “I should be the sorry one here Pain I wasn’t paying attention (ow that really hurt!)”. “By the way, have you seen Minnie?”, “No I have not, in fact your father had sent me to look for her” said Pain.

“Why?”, “The details your father gave are unclear to me sir… so I do not really understand”. “Ah I see. Then why don’t we work together to find her: I’ll look from the West wing to the East wing and you check the North garden and South courtyard” “Alright then”.

“I wonder where she could be……” said Junior. *At the Halloween party* “Hello there Junior, you seem quiet… would you like to dance with me?”, “Uh… Sure Aunt Sally but I don’t know how to really dance…”, “It’s easy just follow my lead, 1...2...3, 1...2...3”. “Oh so you mean like this?” (Junior starts break dancing). Onlookers: “What kind of dancing is that? I dunno, it looks weird…”

“Ha! You can beat this Minnie! Whoa!” *crash!*. “Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!”, “Please forgive me brother, I fear I have made I fool of thy self” said Minnie. “I don’t wanna talk, Juff Leaff me Alome!!” “Now come on guys its not April fools its Halloween.” said Jack.

“Stupid Minnie, stupid Dancing, Stupid Halloween….” said Junior. Ruff ruff!! “Oh hey there little guy where’d you come from? You wanna play fetch (take’s out a rib bone and throws it)”. “Hehehe….” “Wait what the??!!” said Junior “Trick or Treat!!!” (A bag then goes over Junior's head and catches him)

“She’s not here either but this is where she usually is…. I wonder where she is….” Says Junior

“Let me out! When my parents find out about this you’ll be sorry! So let me…. OUT OF HERE!”. “Easy man we just wanna talk and get to know you. And uh sorry about the sack, I guess old habits die hard am I right? By the way I’m Lock, I’m Shock and I’m Barrel!” said the trio.

The four kids talk and then Junior shares his father’s diary which held some secrets about his former life and how he and his mom met. Then….

Bonk!! Junior passes out. “Huh… where am I?", “You my boy are in the Oogie Boogieman’s world now” said a voice. “What?? Lemme GO!!!!” yelled Junior, “What do you want from me!” “I’m glad you asked, you see your father and I used to run a business that gambled with the life’s of others and I wanted to go bigger but your father called quits before I could”

“After Grim left my business crashed and so were my dreams” said Oogie. “So your going to keep me as a hostage for revenge?”, “Oh no my boy, close but not at all; you see I always wondered what powers Death had and how they worked.” “But I’m not like my father!!”, “We’ll see about that…” (An arrow hits Oogie’s hand) “What the $#*% was that!!!??”

“Touch mine brother again you will lose what you cherish most!!” said Minnie. “Oohh now lookie here, looks like your little sister comes to the rescue for her crybaby brother!” said Oogie. “Release him or else thou shall face thine wrath…”, “Blah blah blah!!! Less talking more killin!” (Playing cards start to attack Minnie with swords and guns)

BOOM!!! “Oh little girl please do spare me!”, “Such a pathetic piece of garbage, I would rather end thee’s life I will not but heed my warning: If thou or thee’s accomplices ever lays a hand on mine brother again I will not be as forgiving as now…..” “Remember Hell will come to thee if thou art violate our agreement…”

“I Didn’t ask for your help!!!!”, “I could have taken them on easily but noooo you had to come in and rub something else in my face. I mean come on first the stupid dance and now the demon powers, just because I don’t have powers doesn’t mean you have to rub it in my face!” yelled Junior. “But brother I….” (A giant hand comes out of the ground and grabs Minnie)

“Brother help me!” (the monster rips Minnie apart) “Minnie!!!!” screamed Junior. The amount of pain Junior though his sister was facing was immeasurable. “Minnie! What should I do!” “Brother *speaks Nergal*”. “What is it what did you say??!!!”. Then little Minnie gave Junior her eye. “Huh?!! Minnie why did you?” (Junior gets dragged down by something)

“Welcome! I am Nergal”, “What you don’t look like Uncle Nergal!”. “No my boy I am his father but on to more pressing matters”, “You see this? Minnie gave it to you for a reason: To pass on her powers.”

“Now when a Nergal demon is on the verge of death they will search for a host and if the host accepts they will begin a transformation and gain all of it powers, memories and darkest secrets”

“But I don’t know if I want to!”, “My boy you will have to. Just as everyone has to face their DESTINY!”. “Minnie! Minnie! Open your eyes!”. “Brother?” “Its ok now…. I’m here now….” “Oh Minnie there you are!” said Junior, “Where have you been? Me and the whole castle have been searching for you!”. “I’ve been here the whole time brother….”. “Really? Because I was searching for you all over this area.. oh well, father wants to see us in the study”, “Alright then….”. “Minnie are you ok?.....”

“Oh brother thee is so amusing.. I am fine…”, “Are you sure I mean your voice and everything doesn’t seem ok? Your room doesn’t look.. so.. great…” Then in the horror of Juniors eyes he see’s his sister’s room covered in blood and pictures of him and his sister sliced up.

“What happened? Did you do this?!!”, “Oh yes brother I did” says Minnie in a demonic voice, “And I rather enjoyed it!!”. (Minnie pulls out a knife). “Wait Minnie!!! AAKK!!”. Then the unthinkable happened: Minnie stabbed Junior.

“*gasp* Why… why did you do this!”. “It is because over the years thou and I have gotten close but over the last few months thee has not even cared about me. “All of my anger and hatred had come up… so I destroyed all of the fond memories we shared…”, “And now I will end my pain once and for all!!!”

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Sat Jan 28, 2012 1:33 am

I see what you're doing here, and it's better than some fanfics I've seen (we're not going to go there), but you might want a senior member of the forum who has the time to edit your posts before they're made if you want to raise the quality of your work. For a start, every time a different character starts talking, you need to make a new paragraph and possibly define who it is that is speaking. Also, study up on your Shakespearean language for Minnie's dialogue. Keep trying to improve your writing; the extra effort can only help.

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:37 pm

Hey people. Sorry about the delays on my story, lately i've been kinda depressed and heartbroken so i haven been writing my stories as much. I am writing the stories now but they will be put up eventually.

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Wed Feb 08, 2012 12:12 am

Using asterisks is a no-no. Do you not know how to convey the actions you used in asterisks in a standard novella format? Very distracting structural errors, despite the number of strides you have made in structure.

Let's see, don't use asterisks, try to learn how to paragraph by theme, divide up dialogue, never ever use more than three periods to make an ellipsis... You've got tense issues, too. In one paragraph, "Junior sad", in another, "Junior says". Some capitalization issues, too.

Way too many mistakes, still. The reason some authors are capable of breaking the rules is they understand why each rule exists and can subvert them for their benefit.

You've got to really prove to us that you've got a handle on every single structural rule before you start using this particular forum's format for conveying a story.

Re: Grim Tales from down below made up stories

Fri Feb 10, 2012 8:37 am

(Sorry it took me so long to reply after I said I would, I was busy with a molten computer.)

I'll break my criticisms into categories and place my final thoughts afterwords:

1:

grimjr_1234567890 wrote:“Now when a Nergal demon is on the verge of death they will search for a host and if the host accepts they will begin a transformation and gain all of it powers, memories and darkest secrets”

I'm pretty sure you meant to say "All of It's powers," yes? Just pointing that out.

2: You seem to have the basic grasp of your story in place, but it lacks... finesse. Consider getting an editor? If not, here are some pointers:

You are quoting Grim tales, that is fine. But you are only quoting the 'Dialogue.' Try to also quote the 'Actions.' Such as, when the arrow is fired from Minny, explain that she is also poised with the bow that fired it, and she didn't just magically teleport there and then get torn to shreds by something else that also teleported there.

3: Another nit-picky thing, the whole . . . . . thing is fine, but it's usually three dots, such as ... with no spaces. Microsoft Word recognizes the 3 dots, but considers anything at 2 or past 3 a spelling error. Just putting that out there.

(=====)

Final remarks: It's good, but very flat. Sorry if that sounds too mean. I would like to see it continue in a brighter light.

Also: Calling them made up stories makes it sound... I don't know. Calling them 'Original Stories.' Or 'Fan-Fictions' sounds better, but that's just my opinion.