At my wits end....... (LONG POST)

Okay.. so as most of you know, I'm dealing with a pretty full plate these days. Still doing elimination testing to rule out anything else, before we finally get an definitive Autism diagnosis for Malcolm, our almost 3 year old (He'll be three in June). That said.... if anyone has ANY insight they can share with me, that isn't 'out of the book', it would be GREATLY appreciated. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I feel like I spend ALL day either picking up after his tornado sessions (where every toy he owns gets thrown around the room), yelling at him to leave the cat or Jace alone, fighting him about nap time (which I'm NOT ready to give up, it's the only peace I have during the day) or herding her out of areas he's not supposed to be in.

I've read that 'long winded' explanations don't work with autistic children, and that short, "No's" work better. Seriously? I don't think Malcolm read that particular study, because "No" just makes him want to do whatever IT is, all the more. He runs away from, laughing, turns, looks me square in the eye, and does it again, WHILE GRINNING at me.

Honestly, I don't condone beating a child. But this week.... I can seriously UNDERSTAND it! All this talk lately about 'Bad Mommy' or 'worst mother ever'... I've thought about, daydreamed about, fantasized about, and even THREATENED to sell him on E-bay... or put him up for adoption. Like you would a liter of kittens. I'm about to put him in a box, and haul his little butt to the grocery store with a sign. "Free toddler to good home."

And now, he's starting to go after Jace. I'm TRYING desperately to not show favoritism, but it's hard, when Malcolm's going after him, and Jace is sitting in his jumparoo, SCREAMING. It started out as poking. Turned into pushing. Yesterday, he reeled back and full out SLAPPED Jace in the side of the head. And today, I put them both down for a nap. It was 10 minutes, and Jace was screaming again. I went in to check on him. As I was trying to calm him down, and give him his paci back... I noticed it. Scratches on his belly and sides, and on his feet! What the F*** am I supposed to do!? Spanking Malcolm isn't going to teach him to not hit. Spanking him doesn't seem to do much of anything except p!ss him off. (Another autism attribute, he has NO pain threshold. NOTHING phases him.)

Some background on Malcolm... We believe him to be a High-functioning Autistic. Eye contact, socialism, ability to problem solve, and understand language are all above average or even off he charts, as far as testing goes. But he will not talk, or if he has said something, he says it for about a week, and then loses it. (Longest record of speech was a two week stint of the word "No." after which is just suddenly stopped, and he's not said it since.) He doesn't feed himself, and in fact, he's obsessive about NOT getting anything on his hands. (Neuro also believes he has a touch of OCD, which can be hereditary. I have it.)

I just need some REAL advice. Not something written by an 'expert' who doesn't have children, or a real life to contend with. How do I regain order in my house, and how do I protect Jace, without isolating Malcolm? What the he!! do I do!?

Okay.. so as most of you know, I'm dealing with a pretty full plate these days. Still doing elimination testing to rule out anything else, before we finally get an definitive Autism diagnosis for Malcolm, our almost 3 year old (He'll be three in June). That said.... if anyone has ANY insight they can share with me, that isn't 'out of the book', it would be GREATLY appreciated. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I feel like I spend ALL day either picking up after his tornado sessions (where every toy he owns gets thrown around the room), yelling at him to leave the cat or Jace alone, fighting him about nap time (which I'm NOT ready to give up, it's the only peace I have during the day) or herding her out of areas he's not supposed to be in.

I've read that 'long winded' explanations don't work with autistic children, and that short, "No's" work better. Seriously? I don't think Malcolm read that particular study, because "No" just makes him want to do whatever IT is, all the more. He runs away from, laughing, turns, looks me square in the eye, and does it again, WHILE GRINNING at me.

Honestly, I don't condone beating a child. But this week.... I can seriously UNDERSTAND it! All this talk lately about 'Bad Mommy' or 'worst mother ever'... I've thought about, daydreamed about, fantasized about, and even THREATENED to sell him on E-bay... or put him up for adoption. Like you would a liter of kittens. I'm about to put him in a box, and haul his little butt to the grocery store with a sign. "Free toddler to good home."

And now, he's starting to go after Jace. I'm TRYING desperately to not show favoritism, but it's hard, when Malcolm's going after him, and Jace is sitting in his jumparoo, SCREAMING. It started out as poking. Turned into pushing. Yesterday, he reeled back and full out SLAPPED Jace in the side of the head. And today, I put them both down for a nap. It was 10 minutes, and Jace was screaming again. I went in to check on him. As I was trying to calm him down, and give him his paci back... I noticed it. Scratches on his belly and sides, and on his feet! What the F*** am I supposed to do!? Spanking Malcolm isn't going to teach him to not hit. Spanking him doesn't seem to do much of anything except p!ss him off. (Another autism attribute, he has NO pain threshold. NOTHING phases him.)

Some background on Malcolm... We believe him to be a High-functioning Autistic. Eye contact, socialism, ability to problem solve, and understand language are all above average or even off he charts, as far as testing goes. But he will not talk, or if he has said something, he says it for about a week, and then loses it. (Longest record of speech was a two week stint of the word "No." after which is just suddenly stopped, and he's not said it since.) He doesn't feed himself, and in fact, he's obsessive about NOT getting anything on his hands. (Neuro also believes he has a touch of OCD, which can be hereditary. I have it.)

I just need some REAL advice. Not something written by an 'expert' who doesn't have children, or a real life to contend with. How do I regain order in my house, and how do I protect Jace, without isolating Malcolm? What the he!! do I do!?

Thank you ladies, for even reading. It really means a lot to me. Even if for nothing more than to know, I can vent to someone. I'm in tears by the responses both here, and on fb, and am just reminded of why I love you all so stinkin' much!

Thank you ladies, for even reading. It really means a lot to me. Even if for nothing more than to know, I can vent to someone. I'm in tears by the responses both here, and on fb, and am just reminded of why I love you all so stinkin' much!

I have absolutely no experience with autistic children. My cousin has Aspergers, but he was older when he was diagnosed and we're not very close. However, I did just read an article talking about how children tune out the word "no" so you should use other words instead. Like if he is about to touch the stove you yell the word "hot" or if he is about to run into the street you say "freeze". Perhaps that will help some. Good luck. I hope that things get better soon.

I have absolutely no experience with autistic children. My cousin has Aspergers, but he was older when he was diagnosed and we're not very close. However, I did just read an article talking about how children tune out the word "no" so you should use other words instead. Like if he is about to touch the stove you yell the word "hot" or if he is about to run into the street you say "freeze". Perhaps that will help some. Good luck. I hope that things get better soon.

Wow. Julie you have a lot on your hands. I can't give you advice about autism, but I can give you some suggestions for toddlers. Not sure if it will work with Malcolm though...

I have worked with toddlers (they are twins, referred to as 'the boys') that have had an inability to talk due to a speech disorder called verbal apraxia. They would have tantrums and the biggest reason was because they could not communicate. So we had to break it down for them. The first thing that we did to make things easier for them was to introduce sign language. If you have not already done this it might be something to look into. They also started seeing a good speech therapist. I am not sure what kind of behaviorist that you are working with but if you are able to get to a speech therapist at least for a consultation it would be a good idea. The boys Dr was fearing that the boys were showing signs of Aspergers, however a speech therapist used a working diagnosis of apraxia, and she was able to implement some strategies to help them talk. To this day their speech is behind but the Aspergers diagnosis has been ditched. Not at all saying that is how it is with Malcolm, but it is just how it worked for the boys.

It sounds like Malclom had a horrid temper. Well I would see if you can address that. If you know things that set him off into a rage remove them. Of course this is not always doable. It is hard to communicate with some toddlers at the best of times, let alone ones that have a communication problems. But try and let him know that being Mad is okay. When you see a melt down about to start get down onto the floor at his level and let him know that he is MAD. It is OKAY to be mad. Tell him that when he feels mad he can come to you. With one of the boys, when he was mad I had him come to me and say "mad" and he would indicate his was mad by two stamps of the feet. I would drop everything to hug him and hold him until he felt better. I told him that he could always come to me for a hug when he felt mad. Mad feelings are overwhelming enough when we are adults, just imagine how those emotions feel to your little boy.

With another girl I worked with she had big temper issues. Even to the point of stabbing her sister repeatedly with a barbie doll. What I did with her was to once again reinforce that these feels were valid but I taught her to channel these emotions. So she would do to her room and punch her pillow and scream into her bed until she felt better. This girl is now 11, she still has a temper but she now can hold it until she gets into the privacy of her room and then let it out.As adults many men punch holes in walls, women are more prone to venting but we still get angry and throw a tantrum. Why should toddlers be any different.

Also along with dealing with the mad emotion, you might be able to implement the SAD emotion. I think it is best to work one emotion at a time. But if you work with the SAD emotion next you can once again reinforce to Malcolm it is okay to feel sad and you are there to hold him and cuddle him if he needs to cry it out.

Not sure what to do about Malcolm hurting Jace or the cat... I would hope that a lot of that is just because he is mad. And once he can channel those feelings things will get better. With most toddlers I would try and reinforce that Jace is HIS brother. As a big brother Malcolm loves Jace, takes care of Jace, protects Jace from anything that might hurt him etc. If you can make Malcolm seem like the important person to Jace right now, and act like you can't take care of Jace without Malcolms help, it might cut down on any sibling rivalry. Maybe if Jace is fussy and starts to cry say something like, "Malcom Jace is sad, mommy doesn't know what to do. What should I do" If no response say "Malcolm does your brother need a bottle?" Talk about Jace emotions too. Say "Oh Malcolm Jace is MAD. What do we do when you are mad?" Eventually he might be able to indicate when he is mad you cuddle him, then he might suggest when Jace is mad that mommy or even Malcolm cuddles him....

Well I hope some of these suggestions make sense. But I am trying to help you with suggestions that aren't in my parenting books, just things I have learnt from my experiences.

Good luck.

Wow. Julie you have a lot on your hands. I can't give you advice about autism, but I can give you some suggestions for toddlers. Not sure if it will work with Malcolm though...

I have worked with toddlers (they are twins, referred to as 'the boys') that have had an inability to talk due to a speech disorder called verbal apraxia. They would have tantrums and the biggest reason was because they could not communicate. So we had to break it down for them. The first thing that we did to make things easier for them was to introduce sign language. If you have not already done this it might be something to look into. They also started seeing a good speech therapist. I am not sure what kind of behaviorist that you are working with but if you are able to get to a speech therapist at least for a consultation it would be a good idea. The boys Dr was fearing that the boys were showing signs of Aspergers, however a speech therapist used a working diagnosis of apraxia, and she was able to implement some strategies to help them talk. To this day their speech is behind but the Aspergers diagnosis has been ditched. Not at all saying that is how it is with Malcolm, but it is just how it worked for the boys.

It sounds like Malclom had a horrid temper. Well I would see if you can address that. If you know things that set him off into a rage remove them. Of course this is not always doable. It is hard to communicate with some toddlers at the best of times, let alone ones that have a communication problems. But try and let him know that being Mad is okay. When you see a melt down about to start get down onto the floor at his level and let him know that he is MAD. It is OKAY to be mad. Tell him that when he feels mad he can come to you. With one of the boys, when he was mad I had him come to me and say "mad" and he would indicate his was mad by two stamps of the feet. I would drop everything to hug him and hold him until he felt better. I told him that he could always come to me for a hug when he felt mad. Mad feelings are overwhelming enough when we are adults, just imagine how those emotions feel to your little boy.

With another girl I worked with she had big temper issues. Even to the point of stabbing her sister repeatedly with a barbie doll. What I did with her was to once again reinforce that these feels were valid but I taught her to channel these emotions. So she would do to her room and punch her pillow and scream into her bed until she felt better. This girl is now 11, she still has a temper but she now can hold it until she gets into the privacy of her room and then let it out.As adults many men punch holes in walls, women are more prone to venting but we still get angry and throw a tantrum. Why should toddlers be any different.

Also along with dealing with the mad emotion, you might be able to implement the SAD emotion. I think it is best to work one emotion at a time. But if you work with the SAD emotion next you can once again reinforce to Malcolm it is okay to feel sad and you are there to hold him and cuddle him if he needs to cry it out.

Not sure what to do about Malcolm hurting Jace or the cat... I would hope that a lot of that is just because he is mad. And once he can channel those feelings things will get better. With most toddlers I would try and reinforce that Jace is HIS brother. As a big brother Malcolm loves Jace, takes care of Jace, protects Jace from anything that might hurt him etc. If you can make Malcolm seem like the important person to Jace right now, and act like you can't take care of Jace without Malcolms help, it might cut down on any sibling rivalry. Maybe if Jace is fussy and starts to cry say something like, "Malcom Jace is sad, mommy doesn't know what to do. What should I do" If no response say "Malcolm does your brother need a bottle?" Talk about Jace emotions too. Say "Oh Malcolm Jace is MAD. What do we do when you are mad?" Eventually he might be able to indicate when he is mad you cuddle him, then he might suggest when Jace is mad that mommy or even Malcolm cuddles him....

Well I hope some of these suggestions make sense. But I am trying to help you with suggestions that aren't in my parenting books, just things I have learnt from my experiences.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I don't have any personal experience from which to draw, but I know that you're a strong woman and that you can get through this. If you ever need to unload on someone, I'm on your FB or here! *Sending you a hug!

Julie:

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I don't have any personal experience from which to draw, but I know that you're a strong woman and that you can get through this. If you ever need to unload on someone, I'm on your FB or here! *Sending you a hug!

You sound so frustrated. I wish I could do something for you. :( I don't have any advice, but lots of hugs!! I hope you guys can figure something out that works, sounds like there's a lot of people on here with experience that can help.

You sound so frustrated. I wish I could do something for you. :( I don't have any advice, but lots of hugs!! I hope you guys can figure something out that works, sounds like there's a lot of people on here with experience that can help.

Julie, you have gotten some great suggestions already, and I really agree with them. I would definitely make sure jace is safe. Look into Malcolm's diet and possibly going G&C free. Be consistent. Don't let malcolm see that his actions are getting a "rise" out of you. That may be the function of the behavior...Yes, all kids with autism are different, and what may work one day, may not work the next. That is the challenge, but it is doable. I see that you joined a lot of support groups. That will really help too! I have to get ready for J's 4 month appointment. Please reach out to us whenever you need us!

Julie, you have gotten some great suggestions already, and I really agree with them. I would definitely make sure jace is safe. Look into Malcolm's diet and possibly going G&C free. Be consistent. Don't let malcolm see that his actions are getting a "rise" out of you. That may be the function of the behavior...Yes, all kids with autism are different, and what may work one day, may not work the next. That is the challenge, but it is doable. I see that you joined a lot of support groups. That will really help too! I have to get ready for J's 4 month appointment. Please reach out to us whenever you need us!

Oh Julie I wish I could give you a great big hug. I also really wish I could help you, but I'm not quite sure what I could tell you that you haven't already thought of :(((( I hope someone has an answer for you though.

Oh Julie I wish I could give you a great big hug. I also really wish I could help you, but I'm not quite sure what I could tell you that you haven't already thought of :(((( I hope someone has an answer for you though.

Julie I dont really have anything to add to what I have talked to you about before and what the other ladies have said...Some things that he is doing can be attributed to his age but I know you must be stressed out to the max. I dont know if this will help but my aunt also has been trying the gluten free diet for her son and that is supposed to help tremendously with autistic children.

Julie I dont really have anything to add to what I have talked to you about before and what the other ladies have said...Some things that he is doing can be attributed to his age but I know you must be stressed out to the max. I dont know if this will help but my aunt also has been trying the gluten free diet for her son and that is supposed to help tremendously with autistic children.

I was also going ask it the specialists working with Malcolm have definitively rule out Apraxia or Dyspraxia. It is very common of children with Apraxia or Dyspraxia to have a sensory intergration dysfuction. Not being about to tolerate dirty hands or walk on carpet with bare feet etc is part of that.Also with Apraxia/dyspraxia motor skills are compromised and sometimes uncontrollable, as is their speech and their ability to listen to and understand commands.

I was also going ask it the specialists working with Malcolm have definitively rule out Apraxia or Dyspraxia. It is very common of children with Apraxia or Dyspraxia to have a sensory intergration dysfuction. Not being about to tolerate dirty hands or walk on carpet with bare feet etc is part of that.Also with Apraxia/dyspraxia motor skills are compromised and sometimes uncontrollable, as is their speech and their ability to listen to and understand commands.

Julie, I finally got a chance to read your post, and I'm glad I did. I taught preschoolers with autism for 7 years, and would love to help you in any way I can. You seem to have a few issues going on, and I honestly don't have the time to tackle them all at the moment...maybe when Jackson goes to bed. Just be patient and know that it will all work out in the end. I have written many, many behavior plans dealing from biting, eloping (running away), screaming to smearing poop on the walls and refusing to eat. Every behavior can be modified. Feel free to contact me by mail on facebook at any time! Since getting fired, I have really been putting thought into just doing early intervention/private sessions, and would appreciate some "experience"

Julie, I finally got a chance to read your post, and I'm glad I did. I taught preschoolers with autism for 7 years, and would love to help you in any way I can. You seem to have a few issues going on, and I honestly don't have the time to tackle them all at the moment...maybe when Jackson goes to bed. Just be patient and know that it will all work out in the end. I have written many, many behavior plans dealing from biting, eloping (running away), screaming to smearing poop on the walls and refusing to eat. Every behavior can be modified. Feel free to contact me by mail on facebook at any time! Since getting fired, I have really been putting thought into just doing early intervention/private sessions, and would appreciate some "experience"

Oh Julie! I'm so sorry that I don't have any experience to offer you, but I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Girl, you are such a strong, strong person and a great mommy - hang in there!

Remember - I'm right here in the Fort with ya...let me know if you need anything...even if it's just to hug it out.

Love ya!

Oh Julie! I'm so sorry that I don't have any experience to offer you, but I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Girl, you are such a strong, strong person and a great mommy - hang in there!

Remember - I'm right here in the Fort with ya...let me know if you need anything...even if it's just to hug it out.

I don't have experience. Just worked with a person who had an Autistic child. I second PP suggestion to get him in a daycare/school. Lots of communities have ones that specialize in special needs kids. They will work on basics with Malcolm like no hitting or biting.

Also, co-worker was in counseling for herself to help deal with the stress of a special needs child. She felt guilty about taking time away from the kids for counseling but after a while she saw that it was helping also it gave her a safe place to vent.

Julie,

I don't have experience. Just worked with a person who had an Autistic child. I second PP suggestion to get him in a daycare/school. Lots of communities have ones that specialize in special needs kids. They will work on basics with Malcolm like no hitting or biting.

Also, co-worker was in counseling for herself to help deal with the stress of a special needs child. She felt guilty about taking time away from the kids for counseling but after a while she saw that it was helping also it gave her a safe place to vent.

Hi. I am so sorry you are having a rough time at the moment, just know that it will get better and you are on the right path. Once you get a diagnosis you can start to access services that will help you and your family. I'm not sure where you live and what kind of services will be avaliable to you but do some research and ask your dr. Where i live we have resource consultants that will come into your home and give you strategies to use with him.

Another sugesstion may be to get him into a child care program, even part time. Where im from if your child is high risk or has a medical diagnosis for something like autism the government with either fully or partially subsidze your child care costs in order for your child to recieve further services. They will be build a team made up of yourself, resource consultant, early childhood educator and possibly others to work together to ensure your child is getting everything he needs to ensure his success in life.

As for real strategies you can be using right now there are lots of different things you can be doing. I have worked with children ages 2 to 4 at all different functioning levels over the last ten years in a group setting, so i know how difficult it can be when you can't soley focus on that child all the time and give them the one on one that they need.

The key is trying everything you can and seeing what works best with your child. Be consistent. Unfortunately since autism is a spectrum there is no magic answer and no one thing will work for every child. That being said here are a few strategies you can try.

Dumping toys: Every time he dumps something, tell him no and using the hand over hand method (sit behind him on the floor and place your hands on his) pick up every toy with him. It may be time consuming and you may have to do that quite a few times but eventually he will understand that if he dumps he has to clean it up or not to dump at all.

Hurting his brother: One thing that has worked for me several times is safety socks. When he displays an aggressive behaviour say "ouch, that hurts jace" and be really exaggerated in your voice and facial expression so he can see the emotions that his behaviour is causing. Place a sock on each hand and tell him "your hands need to be safe". Leave them on for a minute or two. If he's taking them off just keep putting them back on. Again consistency is key. After the time is up take them off. Take him over to his brother and tell him "gentle touch", take his hand and show him how to touch him gentley. Anytime you notice him gentley touching anyone make sure to reinforce that positively. "Yay you used your gentle touch!!!!"

Another strategy that tends to work with autistic children is a reward system. When they are doing something positve give them a reward. Whether that be a stciker, a smartie, etc.

I am sure there are plenty of other things you can be doing and i would love to share them with you but i have already written a novel (lol sorry) and to be honest my brain is a bit fried today after spending most of it in the hospital with my bf. But feel free to add me on fb if you want (my username is kelly.franklin1) and i can get some others to you.

sorry again for the novel, hope something helps.

*** Really long - I'm sorry! ***

Hi. I am so sorry you are having a rough time at the moment, just know that it will get better and you are on the right path. Once you get a diagnosis you can start to access services that will help you and your family. I'm not sure where you live and what kind of services will be avaliable to you but do some research and ask your dr. Where i live we have resource consultants that will come into your home and give you strategies to use with him.

Another sugesstion may be to get him into a child care program, even part time. Where im from if your child is high risk or has a medical diagnosis for something like autism the government with either fully or partially subsidze your child care costs in order for your child to recieve further services. They will be build a team made up of yourself, resource consultant, early childhood educator and possibly others to work together to ensure your child is getting everything he needs to ensure his success in life.

As for real strategies you can be using right now there are lots of different things you can be doing. I have worked with children ages 2 to 4 at all different functioning levels over the last ten years in a group setting, so i know how difficult it can be when you can't soley focus on that child all the time and give them the one on one that they need.

The key is trying everything you can and seeing what works best with your child. Be consistent. Unfortunately since autism is a spectrum there is no magic answer and no one thing will work for every child. That being said here are a few strategies you can try.

Dumping toys: Every time he dumps something, tell him no and using the hand over hand method (sit behind him on the floor and place your hands on his) pick up every toy with him. It may be time consuming and you may have to do that quite a few times but eventually he will understand that if he dumps he has to clean it up or not to dump at all.

Hurting his brother: One thing that has worked for me several times is safety socks. When he displays an aggressive behaviour say "ouch, that hurts jace" and be really exaggerated in your voice and facial expression so he can see the emotions that his behaviour is causing. Place a sock on each hand and tell him "your hands need to be safe". Leave them on for a minute or two. If he's taking them off just keep putting them back on. Again consistency is key. After the time is up take them off. Take him over to his brother and tell him "gentle touch", take his hand and show him how to touch him gentley. Anytime you notice him gentley touching anyone make sure to reinforce that positively. "Yay you used your gentle touch!!!!"

Another strategy that tends to work with autistic children is a reward system. When they are doing something positve give them a reward. Whether that be a stciker, a smartie, etc.

I am sure there are plenty of other things you can be doing and i would love to share them with you but i have already written a novel (lol sorry) and to be honest my brain is a bit fried today after spending most of it in the hospital with my bf. But feel free to add me on fb if you want (my username is kelly.franklin1) and i can get some others to you.

Honey, first I want you to know that you are a wonderful mother and an awesome lady. I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. This should be such a joyous time for you and instead you are fighting to keep your sanity.

I have a few suggestions though I am BY NO MEANS an expert but I have worked with a few children with Autism- some VERY severe.

First- make sure Jace is safe. That has to be your first priority because he is still such a fragile little peanut. Malcom probably doesn't realize he's even hurting the baby. It has been my experience that children with autism are often unaware of their own strength and don't intentionally harm others but they don't make the connection that 'this might hurt.'

Second- Does Malcom have an area in your home that is JUST his? One of the children I worked with was like off the charts smart but was very easily overwhelmed and his parents found that providing him with a comfort space that he could just isolate helped him. They made him like a pillow fort kind of a thing in the living room. It had blankets and pillows and it was dark and soothing and he could go in there and just unwind and settle down. It was just HIS space. That seemed to help him.

Next- have you tried changing his diet? I read this amazing article once that said that some children react to some ingredients in milk and wheat products like if you had given them an opiate. Their brains just kinda go a little crazy because they are not able to process some part of these foods. I'll look for the article if I can but maybe ask your pedi if that might play a role. If I recall correctly some parents that tried the dietary changes saw marked improvement in their children very soon after beginning.

Julie, you are always there for everyone on this board. You have been through hell during your pregnancy and now. My heart aches for you because I KNOW you want things to be calm at home and who could blame you. I am here for you- day or night if you need anything. I will FB PM you my cell number. My email addy is meghan_wilkinson10808@yahoo.com.

You are not alone, hun. If there is a time you are so frustrated you might sell that adorable bundle of love and trouble you call me and I'll be willing to listen and help. You are so wonderful and I love you!

Hang in there and know that I am praying for you, your sanity and those beautiful boys of yours.

It WILL be OKAY!

Honey, first I want you to know that you are a wonderful mother and an awesome lady. I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. This should be such a joyous time for you and instead you are fighting to keep your sanity.

I have a few suggestions though I am BY NO MEANS an expert but I have worked with a few children with Autism- some VERY severe.

First- make sure Jace is safe. That has to be your first priority because he is still such a fragile little peanut. Malcom probably doesn't realize he's even hurting the baby. It has been my experience that children with autism are often unaware of their own strength and don't intentionally harm others but they don't make the connection that 'this might hurt.'

Second- Does Malcom have an area in your home that is JUST his? One of the children I worked with was like off the charts smart but was very easily overwhelmed and his parents found that providing him with a comfort space that he could just isolate helped him. They made him like a pillow fort kind of a thing in the living room. It had blankets and pillows and it was dark and soothing and he could go in there and just unwind and settle down. It was just HIS space. That seemed to help him.

Next- have you tried changing his diet? I read this amazing article once that said that some children react to some ingredients in milk and wheat products like if you had given them an opiate. Their brains just kinda go a little crazy because they are not able to process some part of these foods. I'll look for the article if I can but maybe ask your pedi if that might play a role. If I recall correctly some parents that tried the dietary changes saw marked improvement in their children very soon after beginning.

Julie, you are always there for everyone on this board. You have been through hell during your pregnancy and now. My heart aches for you because I KNOW you want things to be calm at home and who could blame you. I am here for you- day or night if you need anything. I will FB PM you my cell number. My email addy is meghan_wilkinson10808@yahoo.com.

You are not alone, hun. If there is a time you are so frustrated you might sell that adorable bundle of love and trouble you call me and I'll be willing to listen and help. You are so wonderful and I love you!

Hang in there and know that I am praying for you, your sanity and those beautiful boys of yours.

God
doesn't give children with special needs to strong people; He gives
children with special needs to ordinary, weak people and then gives them
strength. Raising a child with Down syndrome doesn't TAKE a special
family, it MAKES a special family....

From:
Erin1679

To: pam2seeu

Posted: Apr-16 08:58 AM (16 of 30)

Yes, how old is Malcolm? Special ed services start at 3 years old. A preschool class may be just what he needs.

Yes, how old is Malcolm? Special ed services start at 3 years old. A preschool class may be just what he needs.

God
doesn't give children with special needs to strong people; He gives
children with special needs to ordinary, weak people and then gives them
strength. Raising a child with Down syndrome doesn't TAKE a special
family, it MAKES a special family....

From:
NyteBeauti

To: ALL

Posted: Apr-16 12:04 PM (18 of 30)

Wow. That's all I can say. After a writing this yesterday, I was simply amazed at the outpouring of support and love from all of you. I still am. It's almost overwhelming.

I have so much I want to say to all of you, but I'm afraid I'll miss one or two of you, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or make anyone think that their particular post wasn't helpful... So, in one post, I want to give you ALL a HUGE BIG MASSIVE THANK YOU!

Everything, everyone has suggested is beyond helpful. I know not everything will work with Malcolm, but it definitely gives me a large arsenal of tools to work with, and THAT in and of itself, is a HUGE help. If nothing else, it's offered me some hope for today.

For those who felt that 'all they had' to offer were words of support or encourage, let me reassure you all. They are SO appreciated, SO very needed, and you are MOST loved for them!!

I know a few of you had further questions, so I will try to answer what I can.

"Does Malcom have an area in your home that is JUST his?" -

After reading many of the responses from everyone, I talked about everything with Matthew when he got home from work (an answered pray in and of itself, since he actually got off work 2 hours early. Made my LONG day a little less... long) Anyway, almost immediately, he jumped into action. He unhooked the DVD player, and moved it into the bedroom, and set up everything so that Malcolm could lay in HIS bed and watch HIS movie (which he loves to do.) So, we'll see how he does with that. A lot more work is needed to 'build' that sanctuary, but we;re definitely working on it.

how old is Malcolm? -

He'll be 3 in June. We've had him in First Steps, and Turnstone since we realized there was a problem, but he ages out at three. We've already started the intake process to continue his therapy with the school system, though it's a slow process.

Let me see, what else... He has both an OT and a ST. The ST believes it to be Speech Apraxia (what she calls it) which we thought at first when she described it. I'm wary though, as she's completely unwilling to even entertain the idea of autism, because he's socialized, and makes excellent eye contact. "That's just not autistic behavior." is what we keep hearing from her. His OT on the other hand, is willing to listen to our thoughts, and try whatever methods, whether she believes our concerns or not, for the sake of ruling out what will and what won't work with him. The problem we face with her, is that she's had a LOT of personal stuff going on in the last couple of months (Her sister just passed away from Cancer two weeks ago.) so her visits haven't been as consistent as they had been. And it shows. Malcolm doesn't 'respect' her nearly as much as he used to. He used to be incredibly tolerant of her touching, hugging, etc.. and now, he's very stand-offish. I worry that the therapists provided by the school system, will not be as tolerant of his 'quirks' as the two we have now. Right now, I often feel as if I'm just spinning in circles, playing catch up with everything. As soon as I get Jace settled down, Malcolm acts up, starts being defiant, and doing 'his thing', until Jace is upset again. Then calms down, and is fine. But then I have to calm Jace down again, and, then it starts all over. I just don't know how to get ahead of it, if that makes sense. I feel like I spend all my time correcting, and disciplining, and pleading, instead of just enjoying. And I hate it.

Wow. That's all I can say. After a writing this yesterday, I was simply amazed at the outpouring of support and love from all of you. I still am. It's almost overwhelming.

I have so much I want to say to all of you, but I'm afraid I'll miss one or two of you, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or make anyone think that their particular post wasn't helpful... So, in one post, I want to give you ALL a HUGE BIG MASSIVE THANK YOU!

Everything, everyone has suggested is beyond helpful. I know not everything will work with Malcolm, but it definitely gives me a large arsenal of tools to work with, and THAT in and of itself, is a HUGE help. If nothing else, it's offered me some hope for today.

For those who felt that 'all they had' to offer were words of support or encourage, let me reassure you all. They are SO appreciated, SO very needed, and you are MOST loved for them!!

I know a few of you had further questions, so I will try to answer what I can.

"Does Malcom have an area in your home that is JUST his?" -

After reading many of the responses from everyone, I talked about everything with Matthew when he got home from work (an answered pray in and of itself, since he actually got off work 2 hours early. Made my LONG day a little less... long) Anyway, almost immediately, he jumped into action. He unhooked the DVD player, and moved it into the bedroom, and set up everything so that Malcolm could lay in HIS bed and watch HIS movie (which he loves to do.) So, we'll see how he does with that. A lot more work is needed to 'build' that sanctuary, but we;re definitely working on it.

how old is Malcolm? -

He'll be 3 in June. We've had him in First Steps, and Turnstone since we realized there was a problem, but he ages out at three. We've already started the intake process to continue his therapy with the school system, though it's a slow process.

Let me see, what else... He has both an OT and a ST. The ST believes it to be Speech Apraxia (what she calls it) which we thought at first when she described it. I'm wary though, as she's completely unwilling to even entertain the idea of autism, because he's socialized, and makes excellent eye contact. "That's just not autistic behavior." is what we keep hearing from her. His OT on the other hand, is willing to listen to our thoughts, and try whatever methods, whether she believes our concerns or not, for the sake of ruling out what will and what won't work with him. The problem we face with her, is that she's had a LOT of personal stuff going on in the last couple of months (Her sister just passed away from Cancer two weeks ago.) so her visits haven't been as consistent as they had been. And it shows. Malcolm doesn't 'respect' her nearly as much as he used to. He used to be incredibly tolerant of her touching, hugging, etc.. and now, he's very stand-offish. I worry that the therapists provided by the school system, will not be as tolerant of his 'quirks' as the two we have now. Right now, I often feel as if I'm just spinning in circles, playing catch up with everything. As soon as I get Jace settled down, Malcolm acts up, starts being defiant, and doing 'his thing', until Jace is upset again. Then calms down, and is fine. But then I have to calm Jace down again, and, then it starts all over. I just don't know how to get ahead of it, if that makes sense. I feel like I spend all my time correcting, and disciplining, and pleading, instead of just enjoying. And I hate it.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't begin to imagine the level of frustration you are dealing with. Well, maybe a little, as I read your fb posts. I don't have any experience dealing with autism, I am so sorry, because if I did I would totally tell you everything I know. However, my MIL is a school psychologist, and she works with children of all levels of autism and other issues daily. If you want, I can talk to her and see what she has found that works in dealing with just basic day to day issues. She's a crazy MIL, but exceptional in her field. I know you said no expert opinions, but just offering. She's not pulling from books, she does this daily in the real world.

As far as having anything even remotely close to pull from, the best I have is a boy I babysat regularly. He was one of 4 (not including my little sister) that I babysat daily during the summers. He is diabetic, which sometimes complicated things, but that aside, he was the most high energy child I have ever met to this day. He did not respond well to discipline, and usually would outright ignore me or his mom, or any authority figure. After a lot of time and frustration, I finally learned that for him, once I got his excess energy off, then he was at least somewhat manageable. So we had races every day. Well, he was the only one racing. But it was a game to see how fast he could run to , say, the tree and back. I also had to implement a basic reward system for nearly every task for him, just to get him to do anything. Now, I AM NOT in any way saying that Malcom is or will have the same reactions as David did, and I don't want you to think I'm saying they are similar. I have no idea how difficult it is for you on a day to day basis. But I'm just doing everything I can to help you out as much as I can because I really love you. You are such a valuable asset to the board, and I know that I have personally been helped by you, as well as probably every mommy on here. If there is ANYTHING I can do, you know I'll do it for you. If you need to scream to someone, feel free to call and just scream. Okay, well say hi and then scream.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't begin to imagine the level of frustration you are dealing with. Well, maybe a little, as I read your fb posts. I don't have any experience dealing with autism, I am so sorry, because if I did I would totally tell you everything I know. However, my MIL is a school psychologist, and she works with children of all levels of autism and other issues daily. If you want, I can talk to her and see what she has found that works in dealing with just basic day to day issues. She's a crazy MIL, but exceptional in her field. I know you said no expert opinions, but just offering. She's not pulling from books, she does this daily in the real world.

As far as having anything even remotely close to pull from, the best I have is a boy I babysat regularly. He was one of 4 (not including my little sister) that I babysat daily during the summers. He is diabetic, which sometimes complicated things, but that aside, he was the most high energy child I have ever met to this day. He did not respond well to discipline, and usually would outright ignore me or his mom, or any authority figure. After a lot of time and frustration, I finally learned that for him, once I got his excess energy off, then he was at least somewhat manageable. So we had races every day. Well, he was the only one racing. But it was a game to see how fast he could run to , say, the tree and back. I also had to implement a basic reward system for nearly every task for him, just to get him to do anything. Now, I AM NOT in any way saying that Malcom is or will have the same reactions as David did, and I don't want you to think I'm saying they are similar. I have no idea how difficult it is for you on a day to day basis. But I'm just doing everything I can to help you out as much as I can because I really love you. You are such a valuable asset to the board, and I know that I have personally been helped by you, as well as probably every mommy on here. If there is ANYTHING I can do, you know I'll do it for you. If you need to scream to someone, feel free to call and just scream. Okay, well say hi and then scream.

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I don't have a lot of advice, but I wanted to let ya know that I'm thinking of you. I have worked with some high functioning autistic children in the past and their therapists, but every child is so different and what works for one child may not work with another. The one thing that seemed to be a theme with most of them however was structure and consistency. Does he have a structured routine? Sometimes when they know what to expect next helps them feel more in control of themselves (from what I've been told...I am certainly no expert) One of the therapists had a picture schedule for one of "her" children and as they moved from one activity to the next, she used a clothes pin to the next picture so he could see what came next. He knew that after snack came, let's say art, so he knew to throw away his snack stuff in order to move on to art and so on. As PP said, sometimes children tune out the word no, so in Jace's case, if he is hurting him, redirect him and help him gently stroke Jace's head and say "nice touch" or gentle touch. When he starts dumping toys and refuses to clean them up, either use the hand over hand to help him, or calmly clean them up yourself and place them out of his reach until he calms down...again consistency is key. The only other advice or tip I've been given sounds like it would not work for your little guy if he does not like to get his hands dirty. One of the kids I worked with had a hard time controlling himself at times so his therapist gave us sensory activities to do with him. We had a container of corn starch, one with sand, and one with playdough and playdough tools. The corn starch container really helped sooth him, the playdough container helped him get his frustrations out safely..he could pound it, roll it, etc..., but if your little guy does not like to get his hands dirty ,it probably would not help much.

I hope some of that helps even a little, like I said I'm no expert, but I'm hoping you get the answers you are looking for soon.

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I don't have a lot of advice, but I wanted to let ya know that I'm thinking of you. I have worked with some high functioning autistic children in the past and their therapists, but every child is so different and what works for one child may not work with another. The one thing that seemed to be a theme with most of them however was structure and consistency. Does he have a structured routine? Sometimes when they know what to expect next helps them feel more in control of themselves (from what I've been told...I am certainly no expert) One of the therapists had a picture schedule for one of "her" children and as they moved from one activity to the next, she used a clothes pin to the next picture so he could see what came next. He knew that after snack came, let's say art, so he knew to throw away his snack stuff in order to move on to art and so on. As PP said, sometimes children tune out the word no, so in Jace's case, if he is hurting him, redirect him and help him gently stroke Jace's head and say "nice touch" or gentle touch. When he starts dumping toys and refuses to clean them up, either use the hand over hand to help him, or calmly clean them up yourself and place them out of his reach until he calms down...again consistency is key. The only other advice or tip I've been given sounds like it would not work for your little guy if he does not like to get his hands dirty. One of the kids I worked with had a hard time controlling himself at times so his therapist gave us sensory activities to do with him. We had a container of corn starch, one with sand, and one with playdough and playdough tools. The corn starch container really helped sooth him, the playdough container helped him get his frustrations out safely..he could pound it, roll it, etc..., but if your little guy does not like to get his hands dirty ,it probably would not help much.

I hope some of that helps even a little, like I said I'm no expert, but I'm hoping you get the answers you are looking for soon.

I work with kids with Autism (and LD's), though when I get them they are at the middle school level. It may have been suggested (I only had time to skim the previous replies), but a visual schedulle of his day could be really helpful.

Kids with Austism are very visual. They don't often respond well to words only. When I would get 6th graders we would often start paring words with their pictures. Also choice is a big thing. During the day you may need to switch tasks often, but pairing a choice with a picture is a good way for him to also start communicating what he wants to you, esp since he is non-verbal.

If you have a teacher supply store near you, they have some great supplies to get you started.

Also, I think I read you have applied for services. Keep nagging at them - you want early intervention.

I'm not sure of all the rules for your state, but in CA once a child qualifes for services you can also apply for respite services - basically a service that provides (for free) a person to come help for a few hours a day. I did this while I was finishing my credential. I would go into the home of a family who had 2 children with Autsim and the mom used the time to catch up on sleep. Even if it's only 2 hours a week, it gives you a nice break to either run a few errands or just play with Jace.

If I can help you anymore, please ask or friend my on FB. I can also hep point you to some links that will help you navigate the whole special ed process for public schools.

I work with kids with Autism (and LD's), though when I get them they are at the middle school level. It may have been suggested (I only had time to skim the previous replies), but a visual schedulle of his day could be really helpful.

Kids with Austism are very visual. They don't often respond well to words only. When I would get 6th graders we would often start paring words with their pictures. Also choice is a big thing. During the day you may need to switch tasks often, but pairing a choice with a picture is a good way for him to also start communicating what he wants to you, esp since he is non-verbal.

If you have a teacher supply store near you, they have some great supplies to get you started.

Also, I think I read you have applied for services. Keep nagging at them - you want early intervention.

I'm not sure of all the rules for your state, but in CA once a child qualifes for services you can also apply for respite services - basically a service that provides (for free) a person to come help for a few hours a day. I did this while I was finishing my credential. I would go into the home of a family who had 2 children with Autsim and the mom used the time to catch up on sleep. Even if it's only 2 hours a week, it gives you a nice break to either run a few errands or just play with Jace.

If I can help you anymore, please ask or friend my on FB. I can also hep point you to some links that will help you navigate the whole special ed process for public schools.

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