Saturday, April 26, 2008

The end of a punctuation mark

I don't know why we call menstruation periods, but we do. We also give them my favorite moniker Aunt Flo. We women experience this "visitor" about once a month. It is an event we anticipate with part delight and dread. Delight, if we don't want to be pregnant, dread when we realize the inconvenience and discomfort this time causes. As we age, we eventually see the last of Aunt Flo. However in some cases Aunt Flo turns on us.

I am having Aunt Flo evicted on April 30. Auntie Flo turned evil about six months ago, and decided to keep her visits longer, and come more frequently with intermittent "phone calls" (cramping, discomfort, spotting, etc) in between. The doc suggested THE PILL at first because, I am after all 45, and could be peri-menopausal. Maybe a bit of extra estrogen will regulate things out. Let's try this for a few months and we'll see how it works. Ok, I'm game, as it was becoming bothersome. Did those 60 buck a pack pills help one bit?? HECK NO!!

SO we did the vaginal sono-gram. For any of you who have had one of those, you know what I mean when I say, I thought the tool looked like something from one of those sex shops, even more so when they put the little condom like cover on it. It was hard to keep a straight face, OR get that image out of my brain...snicker..its still there. Of course the tool was anything less then pleasurable.

Right away, We discovered the squatters. I'll call them Earleane and Bubbatte. Bubbaette is 3 cm, think golf ball sized hail, and growing happily at the top of my uterus, while Eearlene is smaller, near my cervix and is mean tempered.

My last period, and the week I took the last of those over-priced bp pills was the worse I've ever had. And I had horrible ones as a teen, cramping, throwing up, passing out. I almost called the ER because I'd never gone through pads that quick. In fact Always's "have a happy period" pads failed me. I had to go to the store to buy the super-sized, super-thick overnight pads, cheap store brand.

Ok, I need to take a moment for a side rant. I sure would like to strangle the writer of the slogan "have a happy period". A happy period, HA!!!!! Now if he meant have fun using punctuation, I could understand, but not for a sales gimmick for a product we all wish we didn't have to use.

Back on track now...

True to form, I get a ten day break, then HELLO, back again and its even more "fun" this time.

On Wednesday, I can shout (through my drug induced haze) from the operating table "BEGONE! Ye Evil she-devil, and take your ugly cousins with you!"