5.10.2010

issue resolved... hopefully

this episode was not a single incident... this episode was a fair representation of this individual's driving styletheir driving style each and every time they entered the alley since the day I moved on the block a number of years agomy alley is his alleyhe passes the rear of my house as he drives to get to the rear of his house

in short... this neighbor of mine finishes his daily commute with the same speed and intensity in the alley behind my house as he does on Interstate 395yes... he slows and stops for the kids in the alleyhis speeds leading up to the kids and then his speed leading away from the kids is irrationally fastthe thought that he accelerates away from the kids to speeds well beyond the stated legal limits for alley driving boggles my mindone would think that his being a father would aid in his understanding of parents' fears and the reality of "the worst case scenario"but no... for years he has driven through the alley in his red BMW in a style that is more fitting for a car commercial being filmed in the hills of Napa Valley than how a person should behave when driving down a short urban alley that serves as the play area for many children on the block

well... as mentioned in the post...last week this man came driving down the short hill that feeds into our alley and screeched to a halt on the sand that collects at the curvethe sound of the chirping wheels sent me and my son scurrying out of his waywe had been spookedwith passage cleared he slowly rolled past and waved... I refrained from exchanging hellosmy blood was boiling

what if... what if there were kids riding their bikes or skateboards up that hill at that moment? what if kids were at the base of that hill playing four square or five hundred? what if... what if... what if...I hate to imagine this long list of "what ifs"those "what ifs" turn into a consideration of "the worst case scenario"

so... after my blog entry I received some comments, a few emails, and some electronically transmitted thoughts... it was agreed that I should talk to this guyin fact... it was realized that I should have talked to this man about his behavior years ago

time passed... the weekend came and I had yet to approach my neighborSaturday morning came and the family got into our Saturday soccer routineLisa took eight year old Dean to his game... I took six year old Grant to his game

just as I was taking the field as coach of the U6 team The Purple Dragons I saw this neighborhe was just about to leave with his middle daughter who is the same age as my younger sonhis daughter had just played their game... she was still in her yellow jerseyas I issued instructions to aid in the pre-game warm up of the Purple Dragons I was approached by my neighbor from down the blockhis approach was friendly with good intentionsplayfully he spoke about next month's game between his daughter's team and my son's teamslightly distracted by the coaching tasks at hand I gave a short responsethen before he left I started in

"oh.. by the way... I had been meaning to talk to you"

I retold my perspective of the actions of the other nightthen I asked him to slow down in the alleyto which he responded with a request.... that the kids get out of his way more quickly

WHAT? HOLD ON!

the kids are good about getting out of the wayI do not believe that people need to clear the way for cars... yes... they need to be respectful and share the space... but they do not need to evacuate at the sign of a car

why is it that sitting in the driver's seat gives a person a greater right to shared space?answer me this...

still somewhat distracted I tried to guide the actions of the young players of the team while also carrying on this conversation

I objected to his reasoning... I was offended by his I will do this if you do that line of logic

the kids are respectful of the carsthe kids do a pretty solid job of moving when cars come down the alleythe issue here is not the kids... the issue here is the adultthe speeding adult putting lives at risknot the child being a child

so... our conversation became a near confrontationmy attention was splitI could not offer up any more time, energy, or focus for this discussion

my blood pressure went up as I went back to coaching the kids

my blood pressure did not drop and the conversation with this man never left my mind

after the game I saw this man's wife working one of the flea market booths in the parking lot trying to earn money for this neighborhood schoolI approached her trying to smooth things overwell... oddly enough... her logic was painfully similar to that of her husbandwhen I presented the situation and tried to lessen the conflict I was told that the kids are sometimes slow about getting out of their way when they come down the alley

OH MAN! my already elevated heart rate sent steam from my ears

I could not believe what I was hearingthey clearly had a strong belief that the kids were in the wrong and that their behavior was acceptableit was clear that there was no conversation to be had here

before leaving I agreed with her and her line of logicokay... we have an understanding here... your husband always speeds down the alley while the kids sometimes don't get out of the cars way fast enough

never did I get into mention of the law and the 15 MPH Speed Limitnever did I get into my personal diatribe on COMMON SENSE AND COMMON COURTESYno... I tried to avoid the soap box.... I tried not to get preachysomehow I thought it would all be easiersomehow I thought that this conversation could be had without any mention of "the worst case scenario"

I was wrong... the conversation could not be had without conflict

I drove home with a still elevated heart rateI drove home bewildered by what I had just experienced

when I got home I let the dust settle and let my heart rate drop then walked down the blockI did not want conflict... I wanted to resolve this conflict... I want to have good relations with my neighborso I walked down the block and had a conversation with this man

I knocked on the door... to my pleasure he was homehe came out on the porch and we talkedit was a nice conversation... it was a good conversation... it was a settling conversationthere was no more conflictthere was no confrontation... there was agreement

my neighbor agreed to slow down in the alleyandI agreed to keep trying to teach the children to be respectful of the shared spacewhile believing that the kids are good about getting out of approaching cars waywhile also believing that it is not the duty of people in the alley to clear out of the way like pigeons in the crosswalkpigeons who must move or die

hopefully his driving behavior will be changedhopefully we never experience a situation of "the worst case scenario"

I hate to even consider the variables when combining a speeding car and a small childthe "worst case scenario" is not a pretty situationit would be easy enough to avoid this potential for a "worst case scenario"

but honestly...for years coming and going in the alley on my bicycle I have never felt the need for me to rush out of people's waywhen I unlock my back gate and a car is coming... I usually just keep pace and do my thingtrying to "take back the space"not trying enable the car drivers' notion of self importance

people need to tone down their ME ME ME sense of entitlementthe cars do not just want the kids out of their way... the cars do not want the bicycle out of their way... the cars want everyone out of their waythe other day I was loading my car before going to a bike raceI was going between my garage and my carin the two seconds it took to walk from my car to my garage a car honked... their four wheels had not stopped rolling and they were already impatient... they had not waited a second and they were already impatientME ME MEpeople need to chill outpeople need to relaxpeople need to share the space(I am only slightly different... in at least I try)

4 comments:

Reading this made my heart rate jump. Good for you for keeping cool. I live on a street where commuters like to cut through to avoid a light. The road in front of my house is on a slight incline and motorists think they need to have the pedal to the floor to get up it. I have become the guy who yells "SLOW DOWN" from his yard. Like you I think of my little girl and the worst case scenario and what people are willing to risk to beat a red light.

I stop by and read you blog quite often--as I was reading, I thought well, you're going to have to put speed bumps in your alley or something... The attitude of that fellow is much like that of where I live--the most dangerous part of my commute or when I'm out on the weekend, is within a mile of my house. The bike lane ends and it's get outta my way I'm wealthy and my BMW is the bomb! There's a park and kids and people walking their dogs, etc etc--

I've been out of a job for 2 years now. I heard through a friend you are in the same boat. Sorry man. Good job keeping the car drivers under control. So much effort, heck that's a job in itself. Maybe you could patrol all the DC alleys and peacefully slow people down!

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