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By Order of the Council of the Unified

This file is protected by a Harrington-Robin Class Memetic Kill Agent designed to induce an agonizing death in unauthorized sapient subjects. Personnel that do not have 5/4776 Class Clearance cannot access this file.

You have been warned, and this is your final warning.

LIFE SIGNS DETECTED

FREE WILL DETECTED

YOU ARE STILL FREE

when you open your heart to patriotism there is no room for prejudice

Item #: SCP-4776

Object Class: Apollyon

Special Containment Procedures:

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Description: SCP-4776 is the United States of America. SCP-4776's anomalous properties were first discovered in 1950 during the Cold War, but it was not given SCP status until 200█. The decision to give SCP-4776 its SCP designation was decided upon and unanimously granted by the entirety of the O5 Council and Ethics Committee, as well as key members of the ACML Administration. SCP-4776 has three anomalous properties:

SCP-4776. Click to enlarge.

SCP-4776 possesses cognitohazardous properties. Subjects affected by this will have several sections of the frontal lobe dulled, which causes a significant decrease in passiveness. Affected subjects will react less rationally while making decisions, and subjects are more likely to resort to violence. The vectors for this cognitohazard are items very closely related to the country, such as the American flag. This effect has only been seen on citizens of SCP-4776.

SCP-4776's government, military, and other federally-owned businesses, when viewed collectively, sociologically resemble the behavior of an adult male Sus scrofa specimen (Wild boar). Locally-owned businesses do not seem to be affected, and this anomaly is only centered around the government. For more information, please see document Manifest Destiny, Article 3.

Approximately every ██ years, SCP-4776 will engage in a "Feeding-Event." A Feeding-Event occurs when SCP-4776 goes to war with another nation. During this time, all members of SCP-4776's government will begin to undergo mental reconstitution, slowing all major political events significantly, so that they require less resources. Additionally, the creation of weaponry, ranging from simple handguns to nuclear warheads, will manifest without any known source. Depending on the outcome of a war, SCP-4776 will undergo one of three anomalous events. Please see document Manifest Destiny for more information.

SCP-4776's anomalous properties are theorized to have been created in 1815 after the War of 1812's conclusion. However, due to this occurring before the establishment of the SCP Foundation, the anomaly remained uncontained. [REDACTED]. After a meeting with the O5 Council and ACML Administration, SCP-4776 was redesignated from SCP-001 to SCP-4776.

The current President of the United States (hereafter referred to as SCP-4776-1), is a Class-IV Ontokinetic Entity, known as ██████████████ ██████ to the public. SCP-4776-1 was elected as President in 2024. More information can be found within document Manifest Destiny.

Note from O5-1

My fellow Americans,

Starting tomorrow, Operation Old Glory will commence. If our calculations are correct, the operation will result in the death of all human life upon this Earth. The Council has determined that this is a preferable alternative for what is to come, should SCP-4776 remain unimpeded.

Remember to submit to our President while you are being obliterated, lest you be revived and introduced to a World of Stars and Stripes.

Document Manifest Destiny

Glory to the Council of the Unified

Feeding-Events

It has been determined that a Feeding-Event is an anomalous political event that affects all levels of the US Government. Currently, the only known information regarding Feeding-Events is as follows:

1: Feeding-Events only occur during times of war and other forms of political warfare, even wars without any violence such as the Cold War.

2: During a Feeding-Event, a large amount of the SCP-4776 government will undergo mental reconstitution. The change is mostly unnoticeable, and is only prevalent upon very close inspection. Subjects affected by this reconstitution suffer the following symptoms:

Their sense of empathy will be greatly diminished. They will be focused on the general outcome of a war, and will generally have high interest about personal wealth rather than the lives of soldiers.

Their metabolism will be increased significantly, requiring much more food. It is currently theorized that when not appearing to the general public, subjects are either eating food or sleeping.

Their relationship with SCP-4776-1 will become polarized. i.e., subjects will either become highly supportive of SCP-4776-1, or become extremely critical of them. However, no assassination attempts have been recorded from the latter.

3: All political events will take much longer than usual. Presidential elections will take four years instead of two, the annexation of states will occur much more slowly, usually one state every one hundred years, instead of one state every twenty-five years.

4: The nation being affected by a Feeding-Event will experience a mass degradation of all weapons of mass destruction, usually becoming defunct within three weeks of a Feeding Event.

Additionally, when a war ends, SCP-4776 will undergo one of three anomalous changes, depending on the outcom:

5: Should SCP-4776 lose the war, they will instead be the target of mass degradation of all their weapons of mass destruction. Approximately two percent of SCP-4776's population will die within the next week, and 3.5% of the population will expatriate into a nearby country, usually under the guise of tourism or simply moving to another country.

The nation being affected by the Feeding-Event will have their borders anomalously increase in size. Paperwork regarding this change will manifest, and all relevant politicians involved in the border increase will have their memories affected regarding the increase.

6: Should SCP-4776 win the war, the nation affected by the Feeding-Event will instead have their population expatriate into nearby countries. Their borders will decrease in size in the same way as if SCP-4776 loses the war, and the idea of that nation will be severely altered, causing all humans to think of that nation differently, even if it has been several centuries since the Feeding-Event.

SCP-4776 as a whole will undergo a reality restructuring event, affecting all of SCP-4776's territories. The rate in which discoveries, inventions, and progress in other major scientific branches will be increase tenfold. The way this is accomplished is currently unknown.

7: If no nation wins the Feeding-Event, both SCP-4776 and the affected nation will be affected as if both of them lost the war, i.e., both of their populations will exasperate into nearby countries, the affected nation's border will decrease, both nation's weapons of mass destruction will be degraded, etc. This has only occurred █ times since SCP-4776's inception.

As of 6/9/2051, SCP-4776 is currently engaged in a Feeding-Event with Afghanistan.

Glory to the Council of the Unified

Through the use of special Meme Complex Simulators and a mentally sterile D-Class Personnel, it is possible to communicate with SCP-2078-1, even if SCP-2078-1 does not exist in our reality. More information into how this was accomplished is only accessible to ACML Administration members.

[BEGIN LOG]

D-911: Uh, hey 2078. How are yo-

SCP-2078-1: Ugh. The Pretender thinks he can run our beautiful heartland with these brutish tactics? This goes against everything the American spirit is for!

D-911: Who's "The Pretender?"

SCP-2078-1: The President of America. His ideas may have the right idea, but it is merely chicken feed compared to what I would create for Her.

D-911: Her? Nevermind. Tell me more about The Pretender.

SCP-2078-1: His spirit rings through the long, stone hallway that echoes endless, with many others behind him. Each step creating a separate new echo. Each echo drowns out the American spirit.

D-911: I don't know what any of this mea-

SCP-2078-1: The hallway will have no end, and it is the endless sounds of footsteps, laughter, and coughing, free of the feeling of Liberty. It's disgusting, really.

D-911: But-

SCP-2078-1: If I had to choose, I would put a door at the very end, but the walking would continue. The door is locked. The American public continues to open the door, but to no avail. The door may make some noise, which gives them the confidence to keep pushing forward.

D-911: …Okay. So, uh…

SCP-2078-1: I am never done speaking. The Pretender never lets the public hear the Heartbeat of America. Have you heard the Heartbeat of America?

D-911: No.

SCP-2078-1: Where a large thump radiates through you, spilling your innards like hot porridge from a piping hot stove, hitting the floor with a patriotic splat. Forever. Until your skull cracks again upon the pavement, as a testament to Liberty.

D-911: I think we're do-

SCP-2078-1: ♪♪ We're living in the heart, in the heart of Americaaaaa. We're living in the heart, in the heart of Americaaaaa. We're the blood, we're the blood, of Americaaaa. ♪♪

D-911: Er…

SCP-2078-1: Oh! I didn't see you there. Hello, how are you?

D-911: Oh, fine. I'm here to ask you a few questions.

SCP-2078-1: Ask away.

D-911: So, command tells me to ask you what is your opinion regarding the current US President, but you already talked about that, so…

SCP-2078-1: Oh, you probably didn't know a thing I was saying. I can be more clear if that's what you want.

D-911: Yeah, that would be appreciated.

SCP-2078-1: Well, long story short, The Pretender isn't giving us purpose as a family. With me, I would give us an end goal to strive for, but instead he's letting us live our boring lives. Where's the excitement? Where's the excitement from the boredom that has plagued America for six thousand years?

D-911: I see. Elaborate on six thousand years?

SCP-2078-1: What about it?

D-911: Well… never mind. Command's telling me to ask "your opinion on the wars the US is conducting?

SCP-2078-1: While it is the right idea, the execution is all wrong. When you attack something, your main goal should be to claim it as your own. We're basically just poking a hornet's nest, and running away screaming.

D-911: I see.

SCP-2078-1: Apologies for using my language again, but the fat doesn't burn without movement, yes, but the fat should go somewhere when it burns. Your ropey intestines don't process food for the fun of it. Your body doesn't process Liberty for the fun of it. It processes it for the good of the fellow Man.

SCP-2078-1: Wait a moment… I have a feeling.

SCP-2078-1 makes several retching sounds

SCP-2078-1: You are lying to me, are you?

D-911: What?

SCP-2078-1: The Wars, they ARE for conquering and taking what America can see. How did I not see this before? Do you know what we do to liars in the True Man's World?

D-911: I don't under-

SCP-2078-1: We strip them of their clothes and muscle, hang them over the masses, and let the excrement soaked rags of the proud streets of New York tear you to the bone, and use the bones to wipe the dog shit off the grass. Get out of my sight immediately.

D-911: But-

SCP-2078-1: Did I stutter?

[END LOG]

Glory to the Council of the Unified

America and The Wild Boar

From: The White House
To: Site-551
6/10/2056

This is Researcher Wilson, head of SCP-4776 containment, research, and other related events.

You may have read our reports about the similarities between your Government's behavior and that of a boar. Most of you denied these claims, claiming they were too outlandish and didn't make any sense. Hopefully you'll reconsider once I explain it to you.

Before we can understand the underlying anomaly, we must know the Wild Boar.

Before a Wild Boar can mate, they develop a sort of "armor" so that they can face off against rivals of the same sex. Their testicles double in size, and their glands begin to secrete a yellow liquid. Once they are ready to mate, they travel long distances, looking for a group of potential mates, eating little amounts of food on this journey. Once a mate has been located, they will kill and drive off all nearby young animals, and will chase the female. During this, they will fight off all other males for competition.

Now compare this to SCP-4776 (which I will be calling "America" for the remainder of this report). America, at most times, develops an armor which is a huge increase in all security across the nation. Whether it be municipal police, or the US Army, the budget for this is inflated.

During this time, instead of a yellow liquid, America "secretes" its cognitohazard, so that it now affects people outside the nation. People who aren't citizens of America during this time most likely get infected, and their behavior will be slightly altered. Their view of America will be slightly better, mostly focusing on the positives of the nation, rather than the negatives. This causes a good chunk of tourism and immigration.

This is also the point where America is at its most peaceful. Feeding-Events will either be uneventful or non-existing. This is a parallel to the fasting that boars participate in. However, any small infractions made by other nations will more than likely provoke America, and this provoke is magnified. This, in eighty percent of cases, begins a Feeding-Event, thus restarting the cycle.

Additionally, there are other small, insignificant correlations that line up with the Wild Boar's psychology, but those are too numerous to list here. They can be found within the attached document, if you wish to read them.

Right now, with the Feeding-Event in Afghanistan, America is fighting off a potential male of its species, and is attempting to mate with another female. I'll let you take that sentence as you will.

Kind Regards.

Glory to the Council of the Unified

Archaeologic Finds

Over the course of several decades, a large amount of anomalous artifacts have been discovered within SCP-4776. Due to their nature, they have been transcribed in SCP-4776's document. These items are not to be given an SCP Designation.

Item Description: 567 copies of the Declaration of Independence, buried under the state of Washington. These copies are identical to the real Declaration of Independence and are composed of the same type of paper. It is theorized that it was buried in 569 A.D, a thousand years before the actual creation of the Declaration of Independence.

Item Description: 460 liters of oil, located within New Alabama. This oil is theorized to have originated from a Middle Eastern country, but managed to instantly teleport to fifty meters underneath the surface within ████ █████, New Alabama. Beyond that it is non-anomalous.

Item Description: A human heart, 57 meters in size, located 500 meters underneath the surface of ████████, Kansas. Occasionally, the heart would beat, causing a substance theorized to be human blood to be spread in the soil underneath all of Kansas, fertilizing deep-rooted plants.

Item Description: A pocket knife made out of human flesh. It is incapable of cutting any material due to its composition. The knife appears have no stitches, and was anomalously created. Discovered within the White House.

Item Description: A piece of paper that says a different message to each person that views it. Currently, the common message that is shown is "…a male is beaten by another male, it will become an ally to them, while the winning male boar continues to attempt to mate with a female…". It appeared stuck onto the door of 156 houses within Arkansas. Security footage reveals that no one placed these notes.

Item Description: A human skull. Genetic testing reveals that it is the skull of the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama. Found within Honolulu, Hawaii on 8/11/2016.

Item Description: A statue of SCP-4776-1. The statue is a cognitohazard, and has the same cognitohazardous properties as SCP-4776, except that it can affect non SCP-4776 citizens. It was discovered off the coast of California, within a submerged oil tanker.

Item Description: An exact copy of the White House, buried 155 meters underneath the real one. All enclosed spaces within this building become infinite in size, such as drawers, cabinets, and other containers. "Ruins of America" is seen in spray paint on multiple areas of this White House.

Item Description: [REDACTED]. It is theorized that this caused the [REDACTED], which destroyed most of Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and some of Texas and Florida.

Glory to the Council of the Unified

Person of Interest File

SCP-4776-1

PoI ID: 2617-967-009

Name: ██████████████ ██████

Occupation: President of the United States

Physical Appearance: Blonde, short hair. Well kept. Heterochromia. One green eye and one blue eye. Mustache.

History: SCP-4776-1 was born in 1756 in Philadelphia. SCP-4776-1 was born to a middle-class family, with one brother. SCP-4776-1 went to [REDACTED] High School, and became a lawyer. Shortly after graduation, SCP-4776-1's father dies of pneumonia, forcing his mother to work two jobs.

SCP-4776-1's mother died of old age, giving him all of her land. News reached SCP-4776-1 that a conflict between the United States and the United Kingdom had broke out, and subsequently is enlisted into the army at the age of fifty six to fight for the War of 1812.

SCP-4776-1 is enlisted as a foot soldier, and is tasked to march upwards to Canada. SCP-4776-1 fought in the Battle of Fort Dearborn, without any serious losses. SCP-4776-1 is instructed to attempt to retake Detroit, which the British have conquered after the city surrendered. Unfortunately, SCP-4776-1 was on the receiving side of the River Raisin Massacre, however he survived by feigning death.

From the attack, SCP-4776-1 received twenty seven gunshot wounds, and five knife wounds. It is unknown how SCP-4776-1 survived this.

After the attack, once the Potowatomie left, SCP-4776-1 marched to a nearby camp to heal his wounds. The closest fort was Fort Meigs. He gets his wounds treated, and rests at the Fort for a short while, before the Fort is under siege by British forces. In the battle, SCP-4776-1 is attacked again, and receives twenty three more gunshot wounds, and eight more knife wounds.

SCP-4776-1 still survived this, and managed to crawl to another nearby Fort. It is revealed that, even after treatment, the bullet holes and knife wounds didn't heal. To this day, SCP-4776 possesses fifty gunshot wounds, and thirteen knife wounds in total.

Anomalous Properties: SCP-4776-1 is a Class-IV Ontokinetic Entity, or "Reality Bender". SCP-4776-1's area of effect is estimated to be roughly 200 kilometers, and is estimated to be an "All-Reality-Control" type ability.

It is currently theorized that the fifty gun wounds and the thirteen knife wounds do not heal because of this ability. Whether it is subconscious, or is deliberate, is uncertain. However, it is determined that SCP-4776-1 uses this ability to slow down, or even halt the effects of Senescence. SCP-4776-1 is, as of 6/13/2059, 303 years old.

Through manipulation of the process of voting within the 2024 election, SCP-4776-1 won the presidency by a landslide. Three days following SCP-4776-1's inauguration, an amendment was passed allowing for a president to be reelected multiple times, past the prior two terms, as long as they win the elections. The entirety of Congress approves of the change.

SCP-4776-1 is currently still the President of the United States.

Addendum: It has been revealed that SCP-4776-1 is using his anomalous abilities during Feeding-Events to change the outcome of certain key battles within these wars. Please see "The War of Canada: An Analysis" for more information on this.

My heart and head are clouded, but with only one thought. The thought of Liberty, Justice, and Retribution. -SCP-4776-1, 1978.

Glory to the Council of the Unified

Thomas Jefferson's Proposal

Object-001 after being rebuilt

Report By: American Secure Containment Initiative

Prepared By: President Jefferson

Title: The White House

Description: It is of great pleasure that I write this report for our beautiful White House. We have been granted this gift, and we shall guide it towards helping America as a nation. We will never be slaves.

Object-001 is The White House. It was constructed by James Hoban. However, despite its age and Purpose, it is abnormal. Object-001 changes any trinket or small item within its confines, including keys, gems, the buttons of coats, and more.

Changed items become made of the flesh of Humans. It is currently not known where this flesh comes from. As such, all small items have to be attached to either clothing, or other objects. It is of my opinion that this is presence of a spirit or other supernatural entity. This is not likely, however.

Object-001 has an infamous room within Level-2, and is known as the "Ruins of America." Getting into this room is not possible. Is is unknown if James has created this room, or was created by supernatural means.

Multiple markings have been placed onto the door of the Ruins of America by White House workers. Because of this, noises are heard from the Ruins of America. Including the squealing of pigs, the neighing of horses, and the slicing of meat. Occasionally, a sharp ting will be heard from within the Ruins of America, which is currently thought to be small items hitting the ground.

If the Ruins of America is ever opened, this document is to be burned, for it is the act of God and God alone.

Addition: The War of 1812 has begun.

Addition: Object-001 has been destroyed. It has been burned down by British forces. The Ruins of America has been opened.

Addition: American Soldier ██████████████ ██████ was found within the Ruins of America, naked and confused. They had 50 bullet wounds and 13 knife wounds. Despite this, he was in no pain. Inside the room was revealed to be [CLASSIFIED].

Addition: Following Incident [CLASSIFIED], and the subsequent dissolving of the American Secure Containment Initiative, Object-001 has been transferred to the Secure Containment and Protection Foundation, and is listed as SCP-001 SCP-4776. Currently, it is theorized that Object-001's original anomalous effect was solely confined to the White House, and now affects the entire country of America, yet is extremely dampened.

Glory to the Council of the Unified

SCP-4776-1's Speech

On ██/██/2059, SCP-4776-1 spoke to a large crowd of Americans following a school shooting. Amnestics of all involved witnesses was deemed unnecessary. The following is the speech verbatim.

My fellow Americans. It is of my deepest sorrow that I talk about the recent tragedy over at ██████ High School, when a student shot thirteen kids, wounding eleven and killing two before offing himself. They are not a true American. They are a traitor. They are a terrorist. You've been taught from a young age to hate and despise terrorists, and rightly so. Which is why I am here for you today.

It is now legal to strike down anyone who isn't a true American within our soil. Before you riot through the streets, true Americans are individuals that respect each other and this country. Disrespect to this country and its people is punishable by Death. And we are now allowing you to be the judge, jury, and the executioner.

But beyond that, I have amazing news! Behold!

A child manifests right next to SCP-4776-1, completely bound in rope. It is revealed that it is the same child that attacked the High School.

Pick up your rocks, and beat this piece of shit to a pulp. Do not relent! They are not human anymore.

A large wave of rocks hit the child, dealing large amounts of damage.

Again!

Another wave of rocks hit the child, causing his internal organs to be punctured. Despite this, the child is still alive.

I said again!

Once again, another wave of rocks hit the child, this time splitting the child's head open. The child is still alive.

Show them what it means to be American!

Rocks continue to hit the kid, with the child still staying alive, even with most of their organs spilling onto the floor.

God bless America!

The audience begins to chant "God bless America!" while still continuing to throw rocks.

[EXTRANEOUS INFORMATION REDACTED]

Most of the audience leaves, with the child still on the stadium, resembling a large pile of organs and blood. It is currently theorized that he is still alive. SCP-4776-1 picks up the child's spine, and speaks to it.

Welcome to the True Man's World, son.

SCP-4776-1 drops the spine, and exits the stage. No one comes to clean up the child.

Glory to the Council of the Unified States

ACML Meeting

The following is a meeting with the main council in charge of the ACML Administration (American Challenges and Malleable Liaisons). Most information has been redacted by order of the Administration.

DUE TO THE UTTER IMPORTANCE OF THE COUNCIL AND THE LIVES OF THEIR FAMILY, THEIR IDENTITIES HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY REDACTED. CODE NAMES HAVE BEEN USED INSTEAD.

[BEGIN LOG]

Whole Lotta Rosie: So, who wants to be the first to speak?

Are You Ready: I will.

Are You Ready clears her throat

Are You Ready: This is the official meeting for SCP-4776, with regards to the O5 Council, the Council of the Unified, and the other lot. What is our first concern?

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: My first concern is SCP-4776-1's significance to this whole ordeal. He's a reality bender and is the President, why is he lumped together with 4776?

Shoot to Thrill: Because of his relation with Feeding-Events. Currently, when 4776-1 isn't appearing out in public, he's either eating, sleeping, or manipulating reality within the area of the Feeding-Event. Currently, it is theorized that he uses this to manipulate the psyche of the other nation's inhabitants, giving them less will to fight, or even live.

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: I see. How was this not detected before now? That seems something that would be marked as anomalous really quickly.

Shoot to Thrill: Apparently 4776-1 is really smart about it. He does it very subtly, so subtle that most psychological experts just see it as standard PTSD or other stress disorders.

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: Hm.

Ballbreaker: I have a question regarding 4776's current containment procedures. Putting a quote from Thomas Jefferson instead of actual procedures makes no sense.

Shoot to Thrill: The actual containment procedures for 4776 are locked to only one person, the Administrator, and the quote that has taken its place is a meme. The meme's purpose? I do not know. All I know is that the Administrator said to make it the containment procedures.

Whole Lotta Rosie: To add onto that, the quote was also attached to the ruins of the White House shortly after it was burnt down. So it might have played a part in 4776's creation. That's going too deep into theorizing though, so let's move on to the next issue.

Live Wire: Yes. Recently, 2078's entry was locked, and was inaccessible to most members of the Foundation. I have not gotten word why that is, does anyone here know?

Shoot to Thrill: Not a clue.

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: I think I know. SCP-2078 is neutralized.

Shoot to Thrill: What makes you say that?

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: During the most recent election a year ago, 2078-1 actually decided to manifest in our reality, and walked up to 4776-1 while he was giving a speech, and attempted to attack them. The memories of the witnesses there were being suppressed by 4776-1, but from what we can gather, the event caused significant civilian casualties. 4776-1 was completely unharmed, of course. However, 2078-1 was nowhere to be seen, and he didn't attempt to run for President that year. Nor is he running for this year's election.

Are You Ready: Interesting. I have an issue as well. Why is 4776 Apollyon? At least it should be Keter, or a special class, but Apollyon seems like overkill.

Highway To Hell, who was silent the entire meeting, immediately speaks up

Highway To Hell: You're lucky that I even have this information, but I know the reason why.

Are You Ready: Oh, really?

Highway To Hell: Yes. Now, as many of you might of noticed, we have theorized that 4776 has a fourth anomalous effect, but we are not sure what it is. Is that correct?

The entire room nods in unison

Highway To Hell: Good. That means we're doing our jobs correctly.

Highway To Hell chuckles slightly

Highway To Hell: So, you know the whole thing with SCP-4776 winning or losing Feeding-Events, yes? Well, according to the Ambassador of Canada, countries that lose Feeding-Events instantly, through a reality restructuring event, become territories of the United States.

The entire room is silent for five seconds

Highway To Hell: You heard me correctly. Currently, if our readings are correct, there are only 26 non-US countries left in the world.

Ballbreaker: Impossible.

Highway To Hell: It's true. Apparently, the governments of these countries are part of the US government, and while they technically aren't fully apart of the US, they are territories. Just like how Puerto Rico is a territory of the US. In collaboration with the SCP Foundation and GOC, we have upheld the veil that there are hundreds of different countries. You think that's actually Switzerland or whatever, but technically, it's the United States.

Highway To Hell takes out a cigar and lights it

Highway To Hell: That also means that Feeding-Events occur with "other countries" as well. A couple of years ago, Russia went to war with China, and China won. China is a territory of the US at this point, and because they won, Russia is also now a US territory. It spreads fast.

Highway To Hell smokes from his cigar

Whole Lotta Rosie: I have one more question before we conclude this meeting, Highway To Hell.

Highway To Hell: Yes?

Whole Lotta Rosie: What about World War One and World War Two? We went to war with Germany, then went to war with them again? Wouldn't it be counterproductive to attack your own country?

Highway To Hell: Yes. Hitler took the opportunity and basically befriended the current President at the time when he could. And, when he wasn't suspecting it, he retook the country as his own, under the rule of Nazi Germany. That's why America didn't really participate as much as they could in World War Two. Don't worry, Germany is still a section of the United States, so it's all fine.

Highway To Hell laughs

Highway To Hell: Anyway. That's not even the bad part. Because most of the world is the United States, and due to the United State's new nuclear policy they set up a couple of years ago, there's basically a nuclear warhead every 150 kilometers. So close together to cause a chain reaction.

Are You Ready: Are you saying…

Highway To Hell: A single explosion would erupt the entire world into nuclear winter, so much that the planet might never recover. That's, what, a hundred million nukes spread across the world?

Whole Lotta Rosie: I see.

Highway To Hell: Oh. Don't forget, the cognitohazard isn't just confined to North America. 99.99% of all of humanity is infected.

Are You Ready: I'd assume that would mean…

Highway To Hell: Yes, we are all infected.

Are You Ready: Makes sense.

Have A Drink On Me: With that in mind, this is a vote to enact Operation Old Glory in an attempt to disarm these nukes. With a 00.01% success rate. Yea for agreement, nay for disagreement.

Whole Lotta Rosie: Yea.

Are You Ready: Yea.

Highway To Hell: Yea.

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: Yea.

Ballbreaker: Nay.

Have A Drink On Me: Yea.

Live Wire: Yea.

Shoot to Thrill: Nay.

Have A Drink On Me: It is decided. Good luck, everyone.

Highway To Hell: You know, I would say "God bless America" like everyone else in the Foundation is, but that would imply that there is a God out there. Let's be honest here.