Friday, June 8, 2007

A Petition: My Own Show

Ladies and Gentlemen,In the mail this week I received my Provo electric bill (for $500 dollars no less. I live in a double-wide, how is my bill $500? When I called the "lady" suggested air conditioning. Right-o. My air conditioning costs me $500 dollars. And just to make this story more confusing, I have a swamp cooler. So sux to be me.)

When we Provo citizens get our electric bill we also get a newsletter from the city with a Very Important Message from our Mayor about organ donation or whathaveyou, and a list of calendered events such as . . . well let me look here . . .May 7th was the Mayor's Budget Presentation and darned if I didn't miss that event in account that it was the very night I had scheduled to clip my toenails. And so forth.

This month's issue also advertised Provo's Channel 1 from iProvo. Channel 1 has all sorts of Provo programming from Kelsey's Kitchen to the Thrillionaires to a play-by-play of America's Freedom Festival parade (a tantalizing four hours to be sure.) Says Dan Ransom the producer "[iProvo] gives us the chance to build local talent while also building the community through broadcast media." Then it reads, If you have ideas about what you'd like to see on Channel 1 contact Dan Ransom at channel1@provo.net

Well, Mr. Ransom look no further at local talent than me, c jane.You see, I want my own show. A show about Provo. Perhaps satirical. I used the spell-check to spell satirical. The pitch? I want to go around town highlighting certain aspects. Like for instance, take a resident from the Riverbottoms and a resident from my trailer park and switch houses for the day. Or follow the ice cream man around my neighborhood as he does so often. Too often. I know all the beats to "I wish I were in Dixie hooray! Hooray!" Because nothing, kids, nothing, sells ice cream more than old Civil War Anthems. I could do a segment on fashion hits-and-misses on the Provo City Council.

Possibilities? Endless.I think I have many, many, many qualifications for this job starting with the obvious: I'm hot.Also, the mayor came to my birthday party,my mother is the Councilwoman, I sleep with an actor, I can do my own hair and make-up, I have a slight lisp (it's cute!), I can sing, I am not afraid to ask the tough questions, yo hablo espanol, I know every restaurant in town, I am always "camera ready", I can use the bleeping bleep word for more punchy segments, and I am Provo High Alumnus. I used spell check to spell Alumnus.

Here is where I need your help. I intend to send Dan my letter of intent on Monday, what I need is a list of people (whether you are here in P-town or not) saying that you would watch my show if it were granted. Just sign your name in my comments. You know like, if I were Azucar (and sometimes I wish I were) I'd write "It would be my honor to watch such good programming" Then add "P.S. I am from the east side." (because east-siders get two votes, it isn't my injustice, it started before I was born.) Then call your mom, and have her do the same. I'd like to show Dan just what he is in for.Even though it's just the tip of the c jane iceberg.