But things started unraveling fast when news broke that Brad Pitt allegedly physically abused the kids and was in an altercation with their eldest son. That’s when reports surfaced that Angelina and her team had moved to keep the kids away from him.

Divorce proceedings ensued in complete media silence and both Jolie and Pitt stayed out of public eye for months.

Pitt was absent from the publicity tours for his movie Allied, and didn’t show up in the award circuit for his movie Moonlight, which had incidentally won the Oscar for best picture.

Brad Pit recently broke his silence. In an interview with a leading gentlemen’s magazine, GQ Style, he revealed some prolific details about his divorce, the regrets and life afterwards. Here’s what we discovered:

1. Alcohol can ruin relationships

Pitt divulged that he developed a major drinking problem in 2016. ‘Boozing too much’ could be blamed for the downfall of his family life. And while he has been sober for almost two years now, he really believed that it contributed to the way he behaved with his family especially the children. Now though, he only drinks cranberry juice and fizzy water at best, and he is hard at work trying to mend his relationship with his children.

2. Kids must always be the first priority

He says in the interview that, “Kids are so delicate. They soak up everything. They need to have their hand held and things explained. They need to be heard. When I get in that busy work mode, I’m not hearing. I want to be better at that.” It is probably the fact that he has seen the damage happen first hand. He sees the way his children reacted to the divorce drama, and it has motivated him to be a better parent.

3. It’s Important to Be Emotionally Open

Pitt says that he was born and brought up in an era when it was an anomaly to have an emotional connection to parents, especially the father.

He is trying to be more emotionally available as a father. And this is an important aspect of recovering from the aftereffects of his divorce as well.

Over all, it seems that Brad Pitt has emerged from this whole fiasco a better, more grounded and spiritual person. Go toCelebrities Galore, the largest online celebrity encyclopedia to learn more about his personality.

When it comes to having children, most parents now have a no-nonsense way of bringing up. Simply said, if their baby is alive and healthy by the end of the day, parents know that they’ve done the best job.

However, this situation changes completely when that baby starts growing up.

Suddenly, your kid who always depended on you to lead them starts walking ten steps ahead of you.

Through their attitude, they show you the mistakes in your ways, and horror of horrors, you realize that they’re right!

And thus begins a system where you feel dumbfounded around your child. But because you want them to stay connected to you, you often end up taking the wrong steps, i.e. become too friendly with them!

What’s wrong with being Friendly with Your Kids?

Now, obviously having your children fear you isn’t the best way to have a healthy relationship with them. However, this also doesn’t mean that you should attach yourselves to them so much that they become your emotional outlet.

Because we are humans, most parents often convey their own anxiety, depression, anger, low self esteem and chronic emotional problems on them. And that’s what worsens the situation.

As much as we love our children, we must understand that they are their own person. But since we are their parents, they will do their best to emulate our ways, and that is how the problem will begin.

What Happens When You Make Your Child Your Friend?

When we become so close to our children that we start sharing our worries and concerns with them, we automatically become their equals. And while that may seem like a good idea to some, the truth is that your children will not treat you with respect because they will not see you as a stable adult.

When we speak of stable, we mean emotional stability. You see, our children rely on us from an early age to be the rock in their life. But if we show so many invulnerabilities, they will realize that they cannot rely on your strength. Since you won’t be able to handle your own life stress and problems, they will not be able to come to you for their own issues.

Though you may be real with them while talking of an issue, you must keep in mind that you shouldn’t burden your children with their emotions when they haven’t even learned how to handle their emotional mindset yet.

So what Should You Do?

While learning to respect you, your children need to learn that they can share their secrets with you. But in this case, you as a parent must learn that you cannot lean on them for overwhelming emotional support.

When you have children, you automatically take on the responsibility of being their safe person, but they don’t take any responsibility of your emotional burden. What’s more, you must understand them from the beginning how they may react to your attachment.

With our help, we are sure you will be able to understand the details of your own personality as well as that of your children. This way, you will be able to take the right steps to have a healthy parent-child relationship. So click here to use our personality profile option and be the ideal parent your child wants you to be!

First of all, don’t worry if you’re panicking about a sad relationship. Just like you, there are countless couples who feel like they’re part of a mundane relationship and would very much like to get rid of their once beloved partners.

But how do you do so without causing much offense? At Celebrities Galore, we may have an answer to that!

Identifying a Failing Relationship

First, Step Out of Your Denial…

Breaking off a relationship is obviously not a fun experience, but you can’t simply stay in connection with someone because you don’t want to face the truth. Don’t give in to the denial that perhaps this is just a phase. If you don’t feel anything for your partner now and are more prone to feeling drained after even a conversation with them, then you need to come to terms with the impending breakup.

Identify the Causes

In any relationship, there are some factors that can make you think that you’re in a commitment because of the perks. Perhaps your partner makes you feel attractive or helps you out in your life. Determining what you’re getting from the relationship may help you move on because then, you’ll be able to know the root cause of your need to stay in a dead-end relationship.

Find Alternatives

Once you’ve identified the perks that you enjoyed in your relationship, you can take the next step for finding alternatives. Find happiness in your surroundings and your own company. Surround yourself with positive friends and make a list of all the ways you can improve your life. NEVER think that your relationship is the only way through which you’ll feel complete. Believe in self-reliance!

Learn to Let Go

Perhaps the most important part of ending a failed relationship is taking the necessary step of letting go of them. You may feel a bit intimidated to be taking such a huge step, but you must remember that this is not only for your own good, but theirs as well.

However, if your partner is stumped by your action, ask them to judge your past days. Did they feel like they were cherished? Didn’t they feel like they were in a rut? Doing so will give them a chance to take an analytical approach to the dilemma.

Moving On

The breakup will not be easy on either of you. But you must take the right step for your own sake. Keep in mind that you’re doing this to bring happiness back into your life. Go to your safe space and allow yourself to be pampered by those who have been a positive influence in your life.

You deserve it!

Understanding Future Relationships

Celebrities Galore uses a number of methods to determine the life and lies of each person who uses our program. Along with profiles of various celebrities, our website provides visitors the chance to get their own personality profile. But more than that, we provide visitors with a relationship compatibility calculator through which you can determine the outcome of your partnership.

So the next time you’re in a relationship, keep our services in mind and remember; only be with the person that makes you want to be your better self, rather than be someone who simply settles!

In the game of love, one rule applies to all relationships; opposites attract.

Perhaps it is because we see that part of ourselves in another which we ourselves don’t have. Or because we want to see what it would be like to have something completely new in our lives.

Whatever your reason may be, it cannot be denied that being in a relationship with one who is completely opposite to your personality is exciting.

But are these the only two reasons why someone so unlike you appeals so much?

We have the answer.

What Happens When You Find Someone like You

As a website that seeks to find the truth about celebrities by delving into their spiritual profiles, Celebrities Galore has a vast amount of knowledge which we can apply to this phenomenon as well.

And to us, the reason why many fail in a like-minded relationship is two words; comfort zone.

We live in an age where cultural norms no longer push us to find the most viable partner as soon as possible and settle into a matrimonial state with them. As such, we are given more of a chance to search our own likes and dislikes. And with the incentive to live with a partner that will not only be slightly different than us but will also allow us to explore our own world more, we thrive on that change. But for those who do not find someone different, they only end up settling.

Let’s take an example of a couple who have shown similar personality traits. Katy Perry and Russell Brand were very much loved-up when they got married in 2010. But their relationship was short-lived since they divorced in 2012.

Judging by their profiles, the reason why the relationship did not work is because both were extremely creative individuals and very expressive. However, they were both also very emotional and vulnerable and were not able to let go of their own control issues. Whereas one side may have had a more legitimate reason than the other, this similarity in personality drew them apart and eventually towards divorce.

Why Opposites?

The theory behind opposites attracting is that a difference in both, personality and life choices, brings a sense of growth. Being with someone who is the same as you would make you think that you’re safe and comforted but it would take your mind away from any motivation to make your relationship better.

With a sense of indifference, that comfort would turn to boredom and intimacy would turn stagnant. Not to mention that your reliability on each other would become routine and indifferent. However, if you’re with some who is an opposite or at least, different than you in distinctive was, you will have a chance to get new ideas and face new challenges.

You’ll also be able to sharpen your communication skills and have someone who will teach you new things. This is the issue that stands out in like- relationships. With the same routines, same ideas, same thought patterns and same communication skills, you will be stuck with a mirror image of you without any psychological upgrades.

So you see; if you want to grow into a better person with a new sense of life and more challenges and tasks in your life, searching for a person who makes you take risks. And if you do find someone who brings out a new positive side of you, keep at it and try to break out of your comfort zone.

Here at Celebrities Galore, we give you a chance to judge your own relationship compatibility through our relationship calculator if you are not too sure of your romantic choices. With our calculator, we are sure you will get a free personality profiling for you and your potential partner. Click here to take the test and remember this helpful bit; find the opposite who will bring out the very best in you!

Even if you’re the most stable person in the world, you may need some advice on how to take care of your relationships.

The reason why we talk about a person’s own stability when speaking about relationships is because many a times, it is our own nature that gets in the way of our happiness.

At one point, it might be our inability to express love in a more passionate way, and in others it may be the issue of being too hotheaded to actually have a proper argument.In any case, everybody needs some kind of insight to make their relationship last.

Relationship Compatibility

We offer visitors a chance to look through the mental and spiritual makeup of their favorite celebrities such as Bruce Willis, Heidi Klum and others through profiles.

We also offer our visitors and community members a nifty tool to help them understand what their actual relationship may turn out to be like. It uses numerology and astrology to pin-point exactly what your ratio of success is.

And while there may be many skeptics of this study, even they cannot deny that knowing your own compatibility with a potential partner can help you in determining your course of action, whether you should get your other half a certain ring, or a certain speech of leave.

Secrets of a Successful Connection

From what we’ve learned in our own experiences as well as from those around us, there are three very important factors that help us understand how we must conduct ourselves in a relationship.

1. Communication

No, this isn’t a quote from a romance comedy; this is a real life scenario that almost all of us have experienced. Although it would be wonderful to have our partners read our mind when we’re upset, it simply is impossible. So we must let go of this wish, and instead focus on actually communicating. For instance, if your partner leaves empty juice cartons in the fridge or towels on the floor; don’t wait for an argument to bring that point up. Inform them in a respectful way.

2. Compromise

Yes, compromise is the key to a loving relationship.

The entire concept of giving and receiving can be a little lost on people. For example, if you feel like you’re investing too much, but not receiving the same, you may be in an unequal relationship. You and your partner may be very different. However, this doesn’t mean you should carry all the weight when the other person isn’t contributing.

3. Respect and Support

One of the biggest issues that many couples face is that of not having enough support from their partner. Strong relationships can only be sustained if you respect the other person enough to make them feel secure and dependent on you.

For instance, the most common cases are that of ignoring the other person while they are suffering emotionally.

Contrary to popular belief, issues do not go away by simply ignoring them. If you don’t support them through their ordeal, your attitude will only make them feel like you don’t care about or respect their feelings.

Though these factors are very basic, they are also much understated in relationships. So if you want to have a happier relationship, focus on these factors. You will thank us later.

How does a dad start the conversation?

— I’ve asked hundreds of men if their fathers ever talked to them about sex and relationships, beyond the usual exhortation to wear a condom. Thus far only one has said yes.

A friend recounted how as a boy back in New Zealand his school hosted a father and son evening on this very topic. On the day, however, dad made an excuse and backed out, sending older brother along instead. When the two boys arrived at the school, there were almost no men to be seen. Most of the lads were with an older brother, cousin, or on their own.

The boys squirm and smirk at the beginning, uncomfortable at the prospect of men talking about sex.

Judging by the boys I meet, things have not changed much. With no teaching from our own fathers, I meet very few men who have had meaningful conversations with their sons about sex and relationships. Many find the topic too difficult and don’t go there. Others outsource the job to school. Some say it’s better their boy finds out for himself from his friends or online. These men don’t realize a father’s input is the most important of all, in spite of the groans and push back they might receive bringing up the topic!

How do you start the conversation? I’ve taken groups of fathers and sons out to the bush where we gather around a fire. We create a ‘sacred space’ where anything can be said with no fear of judgement or ridicule. Getting away from the normal routine of life allows for something new to emerge.

The boys squirm and smirk at the beginning, uncomfortable at the prospect of men talking about sex. The fathers must push through their own embarrassment. But soon they share openly how their bodies started changing at puberty. I’m always glad to hear an excruciating story of the first wet dream or masturbation. Everyone laughs and the ice is broken.

The men share about their first crush, what it was like to fall in love, the mistakes they made, and how women should be treated. Some men talk about their struggle with porn. The boys listen raptly because they hear total honesty from a variety of men, not just their own dad.

The boys ask questions which different men answer. Father and son take the discussion deeper later on. Some men have had the first conversation with a son who reveals he is gay. This is so critical. Anything can be discussed because a channel of communication and trust has opened.

How does it affect the maturation process of our boys when we avoid these conversations?

What do the boys really want? Honest stories from men they trust and then your advice. No matter how promiscuous or inexperienced you were, how awful your introduction to sex might have been, or how (in)adequate you feel for the task now. Your authentic experience, for better or worse, will counteract the avalanche of false information he receives everywhere else. Even better, he will feel comfortable coming to you with questions and concerns, without shame or embarrassment, if you keep the channel open.

How does it affect the maturation process of our boys when we avoid these conversations? I hear complaints from many young women of how men brag about real or imagined sexual encounters not just at the pub but on social media. For them, women are conquests, not human beings. No one taught the young men the importance of treating women with respect and dignity.

I heard of a mother recently saying her teenage son won’t introduce her to a girl because the relationship is ‘just for sex.’. The woman condoned her son’s contempt toward the young lady, telling her friends she wished such arrangements were available when she was at university. That father never taught his son sex is a profound, intimate expression of love between two people.

And what about porn? What do our boys expect of real women after watching two-dimensional images online? I know young women often feel compelled to comply with something they don’t want to do. Some are traumatised by men’s weird, degrading demands as discussed in the TED Talk The Great Porn Experiment by Gary Wilson.

Do you think your son knows how intimidating he can be to girls? Is he aware of his power? A friend’s daughter challenged the behavior of a group of boys at a social event and became the target of many abusive, threatening messages on social media. Their fathers did not teach them about restraint or honor.

A father’s calm and loving voice, sharing wisdom as well as mistakes, provides guidance to a boy on his sexuality and how to treat the opposite sex with dignity, care, and respect.

If your son reveals he is gay, he needs you just as much to both to listen and guide him.

It’s not just for your sake of your sons and their sons, but all the women they will interact with in life.

Sometimes your daughter needs to hear more than “You’re Pretty”. Here are six ways to compliment her.

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As a dad of twins (boy and girl), I always told myself that I would, to the best of my ability, treat my children equally and not succumb to gender stereotypes or conformity. They wear all colors, not just pink and blue, and they both play with all available toys, whether a baby doll or train.

What I wasn’t ready for, however, is how differently society treats them, even in their early age of three. Maybe it’s the gay dad thing, the twin thing, the biracial kid thing, or a combination of all three, but people feel compelled to say something (mostly complimentary) to me and my family (without fail).

Don’t get me wrong… Compliments are awesome — when someone else notices something positive about you and points it out, it instantly makes you feel good.

Yet, I’ve observed that gender greatly affects the kinds of compliments my children receive. My daughter gets “hey pretty girl” or the “oh, you are so pretty” every time we are out and about, while my son gets the “charming” or “cool guy” comments.

And it seems that in general, it is most often women who compliment my daughter’s appearance. Maybe it’s because they were complimented on their looks as kids and so they pass it on to younger girls. What I do know, is that our household doesn’t discuss who is pretty or ugly or looks at all. It is something we just don’t value.

But when it becomes increasingly apparent that the majority of compliments aimed at girls concern their looks, that’s when it becomes problematic.

So the next time you see my daughter (or other young girls) and want to say something, compliment her on one (or all!) of these other traits that deserve much more recognition:

Her Helpfulness

When we are at the grocery store, she is usually holding something light like bread that we are intending to purchase. She not only enjoys helping others, she often nominates herself to do so.

Her Leadership

When you see her pulling my arm because she wants to show me something in a store or when she politely tells her brother to wash his hands, she is practicing her great leadership skills… she’s not bossy (Thanks, Sheryl Sandberg).

Her Generosity

When we are at a restaurant, she usually gives her twin brother her bread, because she knows how much her brother loves bread (and that he is a very picky eater).

Her Friendliness

When we are ANYWHERE, she has no qualms about going up to anyone, smiling and saying, “Hello, how are you?” She loves people and she loves to make new friends.

Her Bravery

When she is at the playground, she goes on the highest slide and swings as high as she can, just like the big kids do (to my chagrin). She has no fear (except for flies) and I love that about her.

Her Intelligence

My daughter is multilingual and a pretty good reader. She speaks German to me, French to her other Papa, and probably English to you. She will randomly read words while we are just about anywhere. She is curious and yearns to acquire new and different knowledge all the time.

These examples are specific to my daughter, but I’m sure the compliments are true of many other little girls, too.There are so many other things that you can compliment girls on besides their looks. Boys get much more meaningful and diverse compliments, and it’s time we start putting the same kind of thought into complimenting girls as well. We as adults, and especially parents, teach our children what to value. Let’s value all aspects of our girls!

After all, if Beyoncé is right (and she ALWAYS is), then it’s the girls who run the world, and they sure won’t get there on their looks alone.

Anwar White is a single Dad of twins, Parenting Coach, and Founder of SmartKidParenting (www.smartkidparenting.com). He teaches busy parents how to maximize the potential of their children. Sign up for his free 13 Tips on Raising Smart Kids (www.smartkidparenting.com). This piece was originally published on Mamalode (www.mamalode.com).

It is often a challenge for guys to make an effort to reconcile when their pride has been bruised.

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Not long ago, I was watching a television program where the topic of this particular episode was forgiveness. Like many talk shows, there were a panel of individuals, the host, psychologists and mental health experts to provide their expertise to the aggrieved group of men who had been hurt or betrayed by another person.

Accounts of child abuse, infidelity, attempted rape, violence, financial theft, cold and distant fathers, abandonment at youth, etc were among the stories recounted from the men as they either exposed or dredged up unpleasant memories that had occurred at some point in their lives. One caught his wife in bed with his so-called best friend. Another was the victim of sexual abuse at the hands of an older relative.

As one can imagine, some of these stories were difficult to listen to. Truth be told, any reasonable person could understand why the victims of such vile transgressions at the hands of unscrupulous human beings would be unable or unwilling to forgive such atrocious behavior. This is where the psychologists and specialists stepped in.

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Each mental health expert made the case, in varied terms, that it was crucial for each of these individuals to make a valiant effort to reach a level of peace from what had occurred in their lives. Not toward the perpetrators of such misdeeds, but rather, for their own physical and mental health.

Interestingly, the majority of guys did not contest the advice given to them. They agreed that taking such an approach was likely to be the most effective path as they attempted to navigate through their personal dilemmas. While am I not a psychologist, I have been the victim of mistreatment and betrayal. It was not a pleasant experience. Feelings of anger, hate, imagined violence and other emotions consumed my inner soul. Life was indeed traumatic at times. Fortunately for me, my better angels managed to prevail and I was able to largely move on from such deep seeded feelings of resentment. As you can imagine, I was much better for it.

While the act of forgiving is great in theory, the truth is that in reality, it is more complex and difficult to do.

The fact is:

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling

We can forget another human being even if we never get along or become friends with him or her again.

Forgiving is critical to our emotional health

By refusing to forgive someone, we are choosing to harbor all the bitterness and anger that their actions have created. Rather, we hold onto such anger and allow it to fester inside unhealthy eating at our soul. This is unhealthy.

We can learn from past experiences

The old saying “experience is the best teacher” is often true. We need to take what we can, be mindful of the lesson and move on with or without the person who wronged us. Just because we forgive someone does not mean we have to keep them in our lives. Sometimes in such cases, we can learn something about ourselves.

Forgiveness does mean forgetting

It is normal for memories to be triggered in the future. When thoughts of past slights occur, is is what we do with them that count.

Forgiving can strengthen our relationships

Many (not all) relationships can be restored, even deepen and thrive, not in spite of what happened in the past, but because of it. The act of forgiveness can possibly strengthen people’s commitment to a healthy relationship. It could also cause the offending party to become more committed to not allowing divisive conflicts to occur in the future.

Forgiveness starts with a mental decision

The emotional part of forgiveness is finally being able to let go of the resentment. Emotional healing may or not quickly follow after we forgive.

Freedom is forgiveness:

From a psychological standpoint, forgiveness can be one of the healthiest acts a person can engage in.

The fact is there are a plethora of reasons why forgiveness can be beneficial.

Given that many men have some degree of pride, it is often a challenge for guys to make an effort to reconcile when their pride has been bruised. It just does not come that easy. Nonetheless, it is better when ever possible, to forgive, forget, and move on. It makes you a better person, both emotionally and psychologically.

The Charleston nine lost family members and loved ones at the hands of a deluded White supremacist, Dylann Strom Roof, They set an example by openly confronting this monster of a human being and offering him their forgiveness. This act should serve as a remarkable and shining example to us all.

In the long run, hate, and resentment only hurts the hater. Besides, forgiveness is not only an act of emotional sign of maturity, it is a true sign of being MANLY!

Becky L McCoy on valuing your child’s honesty, surrounding yourself with healthy relationships, and other ways to raise a mentally and emotionally well child.

My goal as a parent is to help my children grow into kind-hearted, honest, authentic, hard-working adults that make a difference in their communities. Most days, especially in the midst of the toddler and preschool years, it feels like parenting is just a matter of keeping them alive and getting us to bedtime without too much catastrophe. But one day, these little minions will be grownups and I can’t help but feel like one of the most important aspects of parenting is helping them develop their personality and character.

After reflecting on my years as a high school teacher and as a mom of two, I developed a list of the ways I have helped guide and affirm the character development of children, from the toddler years through adolescence.

1. Tell them what you’re feeling.

How often have we tried to hide our anger or sadness from our kids? After my husband died, I didn’t want my son to see me cry. As someone wiser than me pointed out, my son needed to see me miss his dad. He needed to know it was okay to be sad. He needed me to demonstrate that anger, sadness, and disappointment were normal emotions.

Let’s practice telling our kids exactly how we are feeling so that they will know how to process and express those emotions in a healthy, constructive way.

2. Validate their negative emotions.

I used to tell my 3-year-old to “calm down” or “stop crying” when I felt like his tears or anger were unjustified. I realized that I was teaching him that expressing anger and sadness was unacceptable.

As an experiment, I used one of my tried-and-true teaching techniques the next time he lashed out in anger: when he screamed, I told him I knew he was angry and could understand why. When he felt understood, he was able to calm down and began to learn more appropriate ways to feel and express anger.

Our kids will experience negative emotions, so it’s important that we help them learn to manage those feelings.

3. Help them identify their strengths and weaknesses — and your own.

We all have things we are good at and other things that could use improvement. The same goes for our kids. When we are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, we can give them tasks they will excel at and help them grow and mature in the areas where they struggle. As our kids grow older, we can teach them to exercise these self-growth skills on their own.

When we are honest about our own weaknesses, we teach our kids that it’s okay to not be perfect.

4. Teach them and demonstrate how to ask for and accept help.

I don’t know many adults who like to admit they need help. We like to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient. For a long time I lived in a fairytale world where I really was able to accomplish every goal and fulfill every responsibility on my own. Eventually, we all meet a challenge that is more difficult than we are equipped to handle and we have a choice to make: feel discouraged by our circumstances or ask for help and rely on other peoples’ strengths instead of our own weaknesses.

Let’s teach our children that it’s okay to need help so that they never feel like their weaknesses are failures.

Whether we like it or not, our kids are always listening and watching. If we want our kids to develop healthy, affirming, positive friendships, we must model them. Demonstrating how to make honest, dependable, loyal friends will help your kids choose good friends of their own.

6. Value their honesty.

Kids are smart. If we reward them for telling us what we want to hear, they’ll never be honest. Reward their courage to tell you what they really think, and try not to discipline them for disagreeing with you. I want my kids to be comfortable expressing their thoughts and opinions about breakfast foods and bedtime now so that when they are teenagers and, later, adults, they’ll still feel safe to share.

Let’s encourage our children to have honest and open conversations.

7. Validate their opinions without giving them authority.

One of the first things I learned as a parent was the general rule that if you give a child an inch, they’ll take a mile. Case in point: once kids learn they can say “no” to something, they’ll say it to everything. It’s possible to maintain your role as a parent and help your kids learn to develop their own opinions.

You can affirm your toddler’s “no” to bedtime and then put them to bed anyways. You can affirm your preschooler’s desire for ice cream for dinner and then give them a healthier meal instead.

It’s okay for our kids to have opinions, but that doesn’t mean we have to say yes to every request.

If you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling it’s up to you to decide to let it go or get it back.

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Love is one of the most undefined and over-expressed experiences I have ever come across as a coach and woman. We have all sorts of ideas and notions about it that either reinforce its importance or hold us back from loving fully.

Being in love may happen by accident at first, but I truly believe it’s a choice whether your nurture that love or not.

We have ideas of how love should look, how it should feel, and how it should be expressed. All these shouldings cause us great struggle in long term relationships, and as a coach who works with relationship challenges and a person who has had her fair share of challenges, one thing stands out to me — being in love at first just happens and then through conscious choice and action love either stays alive or runs its course.

But what happens when you love someone but aren’t feeling in love and you want to feel that ‘in love’ feeling again? (Sometimes you will not be in love with them and be ready to move on, that’s OK too!)

Being in love may happen by accident at first, but I truly believe it’s a choice whether your nurture that love or not.

Here are some of the ways I see people erode the love they have for their partner and I have some suggestions about how to build that love up instead of tearing it down.

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It’s a simple concept but not so easy to practice. You take actions that are the catalyst for those feelings of being in love and shake up that slump you have assisted in creating.

Stop expecting and start appreciating.

I get it, sometimes your lover will let you down. It hurts and you take it personally.

What if you didn’t though? What if you saw it as being about your lover and them doing their best?

Even if you see their behavior as not good enough, what if you reviewed why you stay and complain, instead of improving your self-esteem and making other choices?

How would that change the nagging? No one feels sexy nagging a partner, it’s like begging for love and appreciation. Your lover doesn’t feel sexy and appreciated when you nag them either. It simply causes more distance.

Start acknowledging all the reasons you stay and love up on your partner for all of those reasons. Appreciate rather than expect!

My experience working with men as a coach is they are always doing their best in any moment, it doesn’t mean what they do should be accepted — especially bad behavior — however it stops you taking it personally.

Have boundaries and take responsibility for your own stuff.

Bad behavior and broken promises suck and no one wants to experience that. However if your lover keeps breaking their promises or doing things to hurt you, it is really important that you set healthy boundaries and honor them, whether they do or don’t.

You need to agree on what’s OK and not OK. Then you need to stick to that agreement. It’s not OK to just wait until they mess up so you can play the blame game.

Your needs are 100 percent your responsibility and you need to have your own back. This is your job. When you do this, you can spend more of your energy loving your partner and loving yourself.

No dynamic is caused by one person alone so work your stuff out. Get a coach, therapist, or couple’s counselor. If you do what you have always done and it hasn’t worked, then you’re only going to get more of the same unless you make real changes.

Here are some changes that can help you fall in love again.

Do lots of self-care/self-loving activities.

It’s so much easier to love up on someone and feel super drawn and sexy towards them when you feel super topped up and sexy in yourself. Taking responsibility for your own needs takes the pressure off your lover and leaves you with lots of energy to share.

The problem is the more we complain about things the more we reinforce the belief in whatever we’re complaining about.

Any person I have ever discussed a relationship with played a part in the problem. They were not free of responsibility. They made choices that reinforced and kept an unhealthy or unloving relationship alive.

Self-care / Self-love seems to bridge that gap and helps bring a serious amount of clarity around what you need, what you want and what is actually yours to heal as much as it adds clarity about what is truly not OK.

Make a list of all the wonderful things you love about your partner.

Nothing gets you loved up more than focusing on what’s amazing about your partner and what is sexy about them. Focusing on all the good points starts to release bonding hormones and that alone can help wake up that loving feeling.

Stop bitching to your friends.

OK, guilty as charged. That’s how I know this is unhealthy and undermines your relationship. No one is perfect and if your partner is that bad and you keep staying, you really need some professional help. The problem is the more we complain about things the more we reinforce the belief in whatever we’re complaining about. Which also releases more of those chemicals in our bodies that make us feel it for even longer.

Often your friends will blindly agree with you, very rarely do they ask “what’s your part to play?” Very rarely will they have an unbiased opinion because they love you. Although venting is good, there is a fine line between expressing and venting and reinforcing negative beliefs. A good therapist/coach is the most unbiased person you can pick to talk this stuff out with effectively.

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There is no perfect person but there is a fit that you can work with and with that fit, you become your best version of yourself and they theirs.

Relationships are messy and we don’t need fairy tales to feel loved or to be in love with someone. We need conscious healthy action. Life is going to happen and you get to choose whether you face it with love or not. —