Parents Say: When should I tell my firstborn I'm pregnant?

Once you find out you're pregnant, it's hard not to share the exciting news with everyone right away. For parents who already have children, it can be especially tricky to decide the best time to tell them they're going to have a new sister or brother.

Here's how some BabyCenter parents handled it.

We broke the news right away

"I started talking to my son about being pregnant almost as soon as I learned the news. He was 15 months old. We talked about the baby every day. I told him how things would change, how he might feel about those changes, and how I'd have to spend a lot of time taking care of the baby because she would be so little, but I'd still have special time with him. I also talked about how he would help me with her. Whenever there was a baby around, I'd point and say 'We're going to have a baby just like that! Won't that be fun?' Doing that helped him cope with my morning sickness, which lasted through the entire pregnancy, and has really made the introduction of my now 5-week-old daughter into our lives smoother than I could have imagined. My son (now 25 months) loves his sister. He always wants to hold her and gets mad when I have to take her away from him so she can nurse. He's very protective of her and tries to comfort her when she cries."— A BabyCenter member

"We told our 4-year-old about my pregnancy right away because he has always taken a lot of time to adjust to major changes. I am 17 weeks, and he is very excited now about being a big brother and loves to look at the drawings of babies in my pregnancy book. He's also fascinated by the way my tummy is growing. We take him to some doctor appointments and talk to him about the ways he can help with the baby. We try to keep him involved as much as possible and age-appropriate. So far it seems to be working. "— Nicole

"We told our kids right away. They are 8, 6, and 3, and I was very worried that they would be scared because I was sick every morning. I bought a package of newborn diapers, and that evening we had them sit down and close their eyes. Then I laid a diaper in each child's lap. When they opened their eyes, it took them a little while to realize what the diapers meant. Our oldest figured it out first. They were thrilled with our surprise, and I'm glad that we have that fun memory!"— South Dakota

When I was only 5 weeks along, my 3-year-old overheard me telling relatives the news and asked what 'pregnant' was, so I told her. Because I'd had a previous miscarriage, I worried about having to tell her we lost the baby but decided that if it happened again, she would know she had an angel looking after her. My husband and I have taken her to almost all of our appointments (although he stays in the waiting room with her during internal exams). We want her to feel as involved as possible, and we tell her this is 'her' baby."— Sarah

"As a rule of thumb, I believe that waiting until after the first trimester is best for the siblings. But when we found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant with our third child, my husband was so excited that he immediately told our two girls, ages 6 and 3. I bought them a calendar to mark off the days until the baby comes. That way, they don't expect it any day. Also, the news has already helped my 3-year-old practice more responsibility. She knows that very soon she gets to be a big sister too, and the baby will need her to help teach him things."— Nikki

We waited a bit...

"I'm 33 weeks pregnant with our second and didn't mention it to our first (now 18 months) until I was five or six months along. We decided he wouldn't understand a 'baby in mommy's belly,' so we just talk about how we're going to get another new baby. I didn't want to tell him too soon in case something happened, and I didn't want to confuse him."— A BabyCenter member

"I recently gave birth to our second child, a girl, when our son was 22 months old. In the later part of the pregnancy, he noticed that my tummy was getting bigger and would pat it. I told him point-blank that there was a baby in Mama's tummy and that he was going to be a big brother. He would give my tummy kisses and high fives and sing to it."— Codi

"When I was 3 months pregnant, I told my 2-year-old that we were going to have a baby in the family. I made sure to talk about the new baby as an addition to the whole family. I said things like, 'Mommy, Daddy, and Ethan are having a baby join the family.' I never said 'Mommy is having a new baby.' I imagined that sounded like we were replacing him, and I wanted him to know that what was happening was just as important to him as to me and his father."— EEA

"My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and I am 36 weeks into my pregnancy. Around week 20, we told her there was a baby in Mommy's tummy and she was going to be a big sister. Santa brought a baby doll to help teach her how to hold and be gentle with a baby. We explained that she needs to be gentle with Mommy's tummy when she sits on my lap. Now we've begun discussing how Mommy and Daddy will go to the hospital and see the doctor to help get the baby out of Mommy's tummy."— Rebecca

"I believe it's best to wait as long as you can to tell your child you're pregnant. There's so much that can go wrong in those early months. Also, to a young child, 40 weeks is an eternity. Its way too long for them to anticipate this event that will change their lives in ways they cannot possibly comprehend. That said, I have two children and a third on the way. My oldest girl needs to know what's going on or she gets very anxious. When she was 15 or 16 months old and I was pregnant with my second baby, she began to act out early in my second trimester. I told her that a long, long, long time from now we would be having a new baby, and she immediately seemed relieved and settled down. The same with this third pregnancy – she just needed to know. My second child, a boy, didn't even acknowledge my pregnancy until a few weeks ago. He's now 2, and I'm in my 36th week. They just have different needs and styles."— Robin

"I'm pregnant with twins, and we told our 7-year-old after our 12-week ultrasound. My son is plenty old enough to grasp the concept of death, and I absolutely did not want to put him through the trauma of loss if I didn't have to, but I wanted to share the news as soon as was reasonable. In my opinion, younger kids who have less of a true understanding of life and death are less likely to feel long-term negative effects than older kids. So, for me, waiting a bit was the answer."— Julie

We told our child too soon and regretted it

"I got pregnant when my son was 3. About a week after finding out, we told him he would be a big brother. Sadly, I miscarried a month later. It was very difficult explaining why he was no longer going to be a big brother. I would say to wait until your second trimester."— Char

"We told our 5-year-old about our pregnancy as soon as we had the confirmation visit at the OB. Sadly, I miscarried at 10 weeks, and as hard as it was to go through, my daughter's reaction broke my heart. She was crushed, and after three months, she still asks daily if God put the baby back in my tummy yet. If we get pregnant again, we'll definitely wait until the fourth month before we tell anyone."— Dawn

"I was pregnant last January and told my daughter at 9 weeks. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. My daughter was completely torn apart! I am now 8 weeks pregnant and will not tell her until I am past 12 weeks. I can't put her through that again."— Lori

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