13 ways to get better at small talk

In a recent
article for Wired magazine, Kristen Berman and behavioral
economist Dan Ariely share their experience hosting a dinner
party with one key rule: "Absolutely no small talk."

Apparently, the guests were all the happier for it — and the
authors conclude in their headline that "small talk should be
banned."

Whether this sounds to you like a great idea or a terrifying
prospect, the fact is that most event organizers won't go so far
as to prohibit small talk — so you'd best get good at it.

To help you out, we checked out
Quora,
Reddit, and other resources, and highlighted some of the best
tips for upping your small-talk game. You can even make a habit
of practicing with strangers you'll probably never see again,
since
research suggests that making conversation with fellow
commuters leaves people happier.

Read on to impress new acquaintances — and yourself — with your
masterful conversation skills.

1. Demonstrate interest in your conversation partner

Several Quora users said the best way to keep a conversation
rolling was to show you care about what the other person has to
say.

"If you don't fundamentally care about the person you are
speaking with, that will show, and that may be the primary reason
why you are running out of things to discuss,"
Kai Peter Chang writes.

That also means letting your conversation partner share
information about himself or herself.

4. Read the news

In the days leading up to a social function, take time to peruse
the news, "including the sections that don't really interest
you,"
Mark Simchock writes.

That way, if a conversation should come to an abrupt halt, you
can fill the silence with, "Hey, did you hear about …" or "Man,
how about that … ?"

5. Share anecdotes

Don't hesitate to let your conversation partner know that you can
relate to what he or she is telling you,
Ellen Vrana says.

"This forms a bond," she adds.

For example, if your partner says he or she spent time living in
another country and you did as well, share a story or two about
your years abroad. You'll most likely prompt the other person to
tell you about some similar memories.

11. Use the ARE format

Anchor: Find something you two have in common
right now. For example, "This cocktail is really fancy — what's
in it?"

Reveal: Share something personal with the
other person. For example, "I tried a similar cocktail at a
beach bar in Malibu last year and it blew me away."

Encourage: Invite them to share something
personal. For example: "I can see it in your eyes that you hate
cocktails. You are more of a whiskey drinker, aren't you?"

12. Ask a better version of, 'What do you do?'

In a 2013 blog post, best-selling author
Gretchen Rubin suggests asking people you meet, "What's
keeping you busy these days?"

Rubin writes: "It's useful because it allows people to choose
their focus (work, volunteer, family, hobby) — preferable to the
inevitable question (well, inevitable at least in New York City):
'What do you do?'"

13. Know that other people feel weird, too

"You are totally not alone in feeling awkward or shy,"
Tammy_Tangerine writes on Reddit. "Other people are
struggling with that as well, and these feelings are totally ok
and nothing to feel ashamed about."

She adds that even people who look incredibly confident may be
struggling with the same self-doubts as you.