Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

What to do when not getting support from family

Its been 4 months since I miscarried at 10 weeks. Even though it was 4 months ago, I am still soooo sad. Some days are better than others but I find myself always thinking about the baby.

The hard part is that I feel like I'm dealing with the pain myself. I feel as though my husband feels that I should be over this by now. He says that he has already grieved and fine and so should I. But Im not and I dont think I wrong for that.

I told my mom that i was going to see a therapist because I need to somebody to talk and the first thing she said was "dont you think you bonded too soon to the baby", talk about insensitive.

So these are only a few reasons I feel like Im by myself, I don't want people to be sad with me but I would like my family to be here for me, support me, and encourage me through this hard time Im having. Isn't that what family is for?

Sorry for this being so long but as you can see I am really hurt by this.

First off, I'm sorry for your loss. This is such a painfully devastating thing for all of us ladies to go through. Second, I'm sorry that you feel isolated and that you're not getting the support from your family. I can totally relate to that. I miscarried at 19 weeks exactly 7 weeks ago. Not once has my father said a word to me about it...not once! In fact, I found out that he was mad at me and my husband because we chose to tell my brother about the miscarriage so that he could tell the rest of the family. It still blows my mind that he was mad at me. Anyway, sorry for the rant. I guess I'm just saying that I get it. I get what you're feeling. I think sometimes, we think that our family is supposed to automatically know how to comfort us, just because they're our family. They know us the best. They know what we need. But, unfortunately, that's not always the case for whatever reason. That doesn't mean that they don't love us, you know!? I happen to think it's great that you're going to see a therapist. You're doing what you feel you need to do. That's truly a wonderful thing. What is hard for some to realize is that though our babies aren't with us, we're still mothers, and we're mothers who have lost a child and that itself is full of so many emotions. How in the world are we to just &quot;get over it&quot; Anyway, I'll be keeping you in my prayers. Sorry for the somewhat disordered response!

I very much understand your position,
although I have been able to talk to my husband and he has to be reminded that I still feel sad at times,
I lost my baby at 8.5 weeks at home in October.
He was over it in a matter of days, leaving me to feel awful and alone, left behind in the pain of it all.
He has been concerned and talked to me about the possibility of going to a therapist, although I decided not to go in the end as my upbringing and culture clash with it somewhat.

My husband is the only person who sees that the rest of our families are acting insainly toward me.
My husband only sees it because I have those painfully difficult conversations with him that usually start with;
&quot;I feel really sad today,&quot; and continue with
&quot;because our baby died&quot;
then end with
&quot;and our dear relation wanted to tell me about all the cousins who're having babies within a couple of weeks of when I was due,
and when I mentioned to them that I would have been due then too,
they changed the subject and cutt me off completely
as if I were not only insaine to mention it, but out of my mind to not be over it&quot;.

Truth is, I don't think I'll ever get over it, I'm just going to learn to live with it and hopefully the pain will subside as time goes by.
And hopefully I'll learn to deal with other peoples inability to understand our hurt, while reminding myself I'm actually glad that they don't understand it fully
as I wouldn't wish this experience on them.

However, like you I very much do wish that they would at least recognise that my child died it was not a heavy period, it hurts and I feel terrible all the time because of my loss.

Short of shouting at them all and slapping them all, im just going to have to accept that it's too taboo admit I have feelings.

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you're going through now. Men grieve so differently than we do. As far as your mom goes, if she has not lost a baby, she has no idea now it feels. Finding this site was a huge help to me becaues there are all these women who know exactly how I'm feeling and don't try to tell me that I should be over it. My husband has been supportive because he understands that we're not grieving in the same way. I have no friends in real life who know how I feel and I've heard every insensitive comment in the book, as we all have. If you need to see a therapist, see a therapist. Do what you need to in order to be okay again. Come here and vent anytime you need to. That's what we're here for. I pray that one way or another, you are able to get the support you need.

i'm truely sorry for your loss, i miscarried for the second time in october last year at 20 weeks so know how hard it is after 4 months, you are entitled to still be grieving, everyone deals with it differently and heals at different paces, definately talk to a therapist about how you are feeling they can help tremendously... you will get through this, as i said before everyone heals at different paces i wish you all the luck in the world and hope you manage to find a happier place to be...

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