FBI Calls In Tomahawk Missiles To Counter Roger Stone Resistance

BILLINGSGATE POST: The effective use of asymmetric warfare (AW) between belligerents whose relative military power differs significantly, was effectively demonstrated when the FBI called for a Tomahawk missile strike on the home of Roger Stone this morning.

The pre-dawn missile strike of Roger Stone at his Florida home prompted speculation that the FBI feared a counter attack from the 66-year-old scofflaw. With more than two dozen special agents clad in tactical gear seemingly baffled by the fact that no lights were on in the house, Special Agent Freddy Armatosta asked for, and was granted, permission to call in a Tomahawk missile strike to asymmetricize the belligerent Stone.

That said, the U.S. possesses a deep-strike capability that stands a much better chance of circumventing the access-denial barrier. This ephemeral barrier, sometimes compared to the Quasimodo Effect, relies on hunches to reach actionable vectoring insofar as the target is stationary. If this doesn’t ring a bell, don’t fret. The lingering effects of the Quasimodo Effect are more or less transient in nature. Praise the Lord for this.

In this attack on Roger Stone, the USS Florida, a nuclear submarine of the Ohio Class, was stationed off the coast of the eponymously named state. Commander Slim Everdingle was at ready when the order was given to attack the Stone compound. This was not by accident.

Admiral Hyman Rickover, who directed the original development of naval nuclear propulsion, anticipated this ancillary use of nuclear submarines against civilian dissidents. Rickover, who hated civilians, most of all politicians, bristled when they attempted to overlook his operations. Because of this, he was instrumental in developing submarine-based Tomahawk Missiles that could easily be turned on the civilian populace, with no fail-safe countermeasures. Commander Everdingle, who was a Rickover protégée, had no qualms when he gave the command to target the Stone fortification with seven tactically-armed Tomahawk missiles.

“At the crack of dawn, 29 FBI agents arrived at my home with 17 vehicles, with lights flashing, when they could have contacted my lawyer.” Stone explained after a court appearance, Friday. “I tried to surrender, but they said they had already ordered the missile strike.”

Ever the optimist, the pensive Stone added dismissively:

“The FBI agents were extraordinarily courteous when dragging me and my wife through the rubble of our destroyed home.”

Funny archive

About

Social

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer.

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.