Christopher Morley (May 5, 1890 – March 28, 1957) was an American
journalist, novelist, essayist and poet. He also produced stage
productions for a few years and gave college lectures. (Click
here for full Wikipedia article)

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A critic is a gong at a railroad crossing, clanging loudly and vainly as
the train goes by.

A human being is an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.

A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.

All cities are mad: but the madness is gallant. All cities are
beautiful, but the beauty is grim.

America is still a government of the naive, for the naive, and by the
naive. He who does not know this, nor relish it, has no inkling of the
nature of his country.

Any man worth his salt has by the time he is forty-five accumulated a
crown of thorns, and the problem is to learn to wear it over one ear.

Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that
some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are
most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.

It's a good thing to turn your mind upside down now and then, like an
hour-glass, to let the particles run the other way.

Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it.

Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not
really interested in order to get where you're going.

Man is unconquerable because he can make even his helplessness so
entertaining. His motto seems to be 'Even though He slay me, yet will I
make fun of Him!'

Men talk of 'finding God,' but no wonder it is difficult; He is hidden
in that darkest of hiding places, your own heart.

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated, but not signed.(attributed)

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the
dog does.

Philadelphia was the first city to foresee the advantages of a Federal
constitution and oatmeal as a breakfast food.

Printer's ink has been running a race against gunpowder these many, many
years. Ink is handicapped, in a way, because you can blow up a man with
gunpowder in half a second, while it may take twenty years to blow him
up with a book. But the gunpowder destroys itself along with its victim,
while a book can keep on exploding for centuries.

The courage of the poet is to keep ajar the door that leads into madness.

The enemies of the Future are always the very nicest people.

The misfortunes hardest to bear are these which never came.

The trouble with wedlock is there's not enough wed and too much lock.

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way.

We've had bad luck with our kids- they've all grown up.

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's
usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs?