And Then A New Chapter Began

Oh Sarah, seeing as how you don't actually have a job right now, maybe you should LEARN TO MAKE YOUR OWN FREAKING COFFEE?

And just as quickly as the previous chapter came to a close, the page turned and another began.

Begun? Began? Whatever. You didn’t come here for the grammar. Unless you did, in which case… I’m so sorry.

After two weeks of what I can only describe as an emotional roller coaster featuring much crying and hand wringing and “OHMYGODWHATAMIGOINGTODONOW”s, my last day of work arrived Friday with minimal fanfare. I woke up, I got dressed, got the kids on the bus, went to an appointment, went for coffee (uh, venti. When you lose your job, it’s a venti-day), then had time to spare so I puttered around Target before leaving to get to my 10:30 appointment.

Once I arrived? The manager of my department was… get this… LATE.

Let me tell you, when you’ve spent two weeks feeling sad about the end of an era and you actual sob real Oprah ugly-cry tears when you log off your work laptop for the last time, and you take a picture of the sign outside your former office building (oh yes I did), and THEN THEY ARE LATE FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT?

Um, it’s easy to take that sadness and that last littlest bit of mourning and think to yourself, I think I’m done now. I’m over this. Let’s get this shizz done and get on with it.

And when he arrived – nearly twenty minutes late – I was already over it. I didn’t (as I so many times feared I would) cry during the meeting. I dotted the i’s, crossed the t’s, signed what needed to be signed, gave instruction about things that needed to get done and how. Yes, even after I’ve been let go, I still want to be sure things get done. I’d like to say that I was badass and was like, “Figure it out yourselves, yo!”… but, that’s not me. There’s a bit of ownership over the work I’ve done – and letting it go was difficult. While I’d love for them to realize EVENTUALLY just how much I truly rock – they will figure things out and find their way and what has to get done will get done somehow and that’s not mine to worry about any longer.

When I was finally done, when every topic for discussion had been exhausted, I walked out the door. The gray gloomy morning, the clouds that had been hanging so heavy in the sky, they started lifting as I walked to my car. With each step I took, more blue sky peeked through the gloom and I thought to myself, “Self. This is what some people might consider symbolism. Take note.”

Then, I hit my favorite trail and spent an hour in the sun walking around the lake with my iPod on and music in my ears and sun on my face.

I don’t know what’s ahead. While I certainly don’t want this to turn into the “Oh, look, I still don’t have a job” blog – it seems to be what is most prevalent in my life at the moment. Today was my first real “unemployed” day and I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to spend all this time because let me tell ya, I’m not going to start loving cleaning just because there’s nothing better to do.

I challenged myself in the new year that I was going to find work that challenges me, work that I am passionate about. And then, I promptly stayed put at that job because it was (and is) what I know.