Sunday, June 10, 2012

Dads and Doulas: Bamboo Dads Reflect

Dads and Doulas: Bamboo Dads Reflect

Bamboo Birth June News: Father’s Day Special Edition

Thank you to the amazing Bamboo Birth fathers.When I first meet with each of you I explain how my goal is to provide supportthat will allow you to be there as the father and partner. I explain how dad’stend to fall on the spectrum of being super hands on or being good with thewater and wash cloth. It is a pleasure to observe how dads settle into theirroles during the birth, very often moving back and forth on that spectrum. Knowing your comfort level, and knowing, reading and responding to your partner’s needs; these are all skills that translate into confident parents.

I welcome you to share your experiences as a father in the birth room and beyond. Let’s update the testimonials. Send an e-mail or share on the Bamboo Birth Facebook page.

GuestArticle with Bamboo Birth Father, Jake Cummer

My only child will be two soon—which puts me almost two years behind on my promise to put to words my experience as a father on and around that July night.

Today I was unprepared—from conception all the way through delivery—would be understating things more than a bit. Clueless, perhaps, is more to the intended point. Ever the student, I committed to learning all I could in what littletime I had to crash when we found out my wife was pregnant, though I instantly realized the difficulty that would pose given the sea of information that exists. Like any student who’s ever succeeded, I needed a good teacher to helpget me there. Enter Jun-Nicole.

I remember the first time we met with Jun-Nicole, back when that abstract (in mymind) cluster of cells in my wife’s belly made about as much sense as thelate-night parking situation at the UI Hospital. I was pretty confident I could parent effectively by the time the kid was maybe three—but being what my wife needed in a birth partner before and after delivery? Our toddler has a better handle on his spoon than I had with that (and he’s terrible with his spoon).

Bu tas we met more frequently with Jun-Nicole, and as I drew more regularly from her well of wisdom and experience, things seemed suddenly more doable. Watching her work with my wife and unborn son was always a thing of beauty, and he rtotal control of the situation in the delivery room with us was a heroic effort I will never forget. I think my only moment of pure anxiety that evening of my son’s birth was when it became suddenly clear to me that Jun Nicole would actually be leaving. I was suddenly the kid being dropped off for the first day of kindergarten. Her guidance didn’t stop with that evening, though—much to our benefit—and the lessons she had left me with me are sustenance still.

The doula experience was as unforgettable as it was beneficial. My charge in writing this was to communicate my experience as a father, but I couldn’t disentangle it from my doula experience if I tried—they aren’t independent of one another. Since our son was born, my wife and I have jokingly begun using the term “dude-la” because of the impact Jun Nicole had on my education as a father and birth partner. Two years later, that tongue-in-cheek term only seems truer.