Para holds up Para Oylimpics

Officials from the British Para Olympic committee were today left red faced after the first day of athletics in the Olympic stadium had to be cancelled. The problems started after the first event scheduled the women’s 110 meter hurdles for participant’s with locked in syndrome lasted for 16 hours without anyone managing to leave the starting blocks, eventually Olympic official’s disqualified all the entrants claiming they weren’t trying hard enough and it was an attempt to manipulate there lane draws in the semi-final. None of the competitors were available for comment afterwards but a spokesman said an appeal has been lodged on the grounds they were still just warming up and just hours away from starting. The next track event to take place the men’s 400meters for monopeds ended in chaos after the British entrant Brian Psycho McEwans went berserk after hearing the starting pistol and took out the Afghani and Iraqi competitor’s shouting “die you bastards this is for Kev” and repeatedly hitting them with his false leg. He was later shot with a tranquilising dart fired from the Royal box by Princess Anne. Psycho as he likes to be called is an ex Para who lost his right leg in a late night poker game while serving in Helmand province in Afghanistan. British Para Olympic team spokesman Sebastian Orpington Smith later confirmed he had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and disqualified from all the track and field events but he has been given a place in the wheelchair rugby as captain where his disorder is seen as an asset for the team.