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When Kids Are Mean to Mom

My preteens have mood swings that take them from an attitude of a toddler to an adult in a flash. Take tonite.

C. storms into our small NYC kitchen where her father and I are already tripping over each other fixing dinner.

“I’m starving.”

“Good, I’m making arroz con pollo, your fave.”

“I hate it. I am starving. I haven’t eaten anything.”

“Have a strawberry. Have yogurt. Dinner’ll be ready in half an hour.”

“I hate it. I’m starving.”

“Hey,” I said. “I don’t like anyone being mean to anyone else. Including you to me. I told you we’re fixing dinner.” I could feel my patience beginning to snap. I walked away. I didn’t want to yell. I took some deep breaths. She stormed ahead of me, into her bedroom and began to slam the door. I caught the door before it slammed and closed it gently.

Then, okay, yes, I gave the middle finger to the closed bedroom door. (I know, I know, I’m immature too!)

I grabbed my phone. I tweeted my friends, “I’m the nicest person in the world. Why is my daughter mean to me?” I got nice feedback. Like @katejenian “@MaryBethC You are there for your children to be mean to, as you will forgive them, and they know it. They also get over it (I did). :)” and @MegP4 said, “@MaryBethC Oh, can I soooo relate to this. Sorry.” And nycdavidwebb said, “you are indeed a nice person.”

I heard C. singing in the kitchen. I peeked around. I watched her climb on a chair and nuke herself some old tacos smothered in cheese and black beans. She was making herself some nachos. She was singing, silly, happy. I couldn’t stay mad.

I let it go.

This preteen age is tricky. They have mood swings. They want what they want. And they yell and disrespect people, even me, their mother! Yet they still need me, want me, and cuddle me. It is an age of letting the door slam gently (and then, giving the closed door the finger!)

ohhh my daughter was the worst with her mood swings yelling she hated me, etc. Now she is away at college and still resorts to her attitude bs with me but now at least I reason she is an adult and I don’t have to call her and get screamed at. The latest … the boyfriend got in a car accident with her car and guess what…..it is somehow “our” fault. Some days I say a whole lot more prayers than others.
Stay strong,
Debbie 🙂

I feel your angst. I have an 11-yr-old “tween” who sometimes forgets that she is not 21, and that I am indeed the mother and the boss. She gets very sulky, but I have discovered that if I ignore her when she is like this, she likes that even less than whatever she is sulking about, and eventually comes to me with, “Mommy, I need some loves…” But I really am not expecting this to last much longer; I’m sure it will get more complicated as she matures, and being ignored will amount to a hill of beans to her!