Modesty & Delivering a Baby - Forget About It!

I had no idea that when it was time to get to the hospital and push out my first kid, my modesty would become an absolute joke. I never thought of myself as an extremely modest person. But I’m not one to show my goods to the world either. No one prepared me before giving birth what to expect in terms of having to share my business with multiple strangers.

I distinctly recall going to the hospital in labor with my first child, wheeled back to a delivery and recovery room. Everything was odd. It didn’t look like it did in the hospital tour. What were the light on the ceiling? Why was the bed so uncomfortable?

A nurse walks in and hands me a bag and a hospital gown.

“Remove all of your clothes. Place your belongings in the bag. Put this gown on *hands me ugly blue fabric thing*. You can keep your socks on, but that’s it.”

Wait, what about my bra? What about my panties? I can keep those on…. RIGHT?

nope.

Right then and there I realized how modest I actually was. And I wasn’t happy.

Soon after being setup on monitors, feeling rather naked and breezy with a belt over my belly, socks that I wish were cuter and a constant wiggle to hide my goods – the visitors began to pour in. And by visitors, I’m not talking about friends and family. These were complete strangers who wanted to check my goodies to see how the baby was progressing. And we’re not just talking about a lookie at what I had to offer. We’re talking poking, sticking and uncomfortable touching on a regular basis down south.

All of this while my husband watched, mortified – with me and for me.

The parade of strangers doing this uncomfortable exam proceeded for hours. And then came time for the “BIG SHOW”…

time to push.

image source: about.com

With each of my 3 deliveries to date, regardless of drugged or not drugged – the mortal fear of my girly business shining in a light to a now CROWD of strangers – just doesn’t sit well with my stomach. (In fact writing, this is making me sick thinking I’m doing this all over again in 16ish weeks!). See those weird lights on the ceilings, those aid when it’s SHOW TIME. It’s like you are on stage, well not you so much, primarily your business is where the spotlight is focused on.

After the pushing, the pain, the labor and the delivery of each of my sweet children – the inability to be modest continues. I DO have to say, that the darlingness of a little baby does distract you from mind yelling at the nurses – “YOU WANT TO SEE MY BUSINESS, AGAIN!?!”.

Just as you and your baby are able to meet eye to eye for the first time, say your hellos and the must-do of counting of fingers and toes – a knock on the door happens. And then a barge in of the lactation nurse. I don’t know about you, but I never was on Girls Gone Wild. While I know that breastfeeding is 100% natural – to me, popping my boob out and having a lady stick it into my baby’s face – just wasn’t in my plan. I thought the baby would just latch, because your milk is made specifically for your baby – of course your baby would just “get it”. Why would there be any learning involved, and why does this lady think she has the right to manhandle my boobs as such!

dear GOD.

After the lactation nurse leaves, just when you thought you would get some snuggle time with your precious little thing – in comes the friends and family. Nothing says, welcome – meet my new baby like your breasts exposed, milk leaking, ice pack on the crotch, baby crying and a nurse who keeps coming in to check how “your business’ is recovering.

Again, modesty out the door.But this time with family and friends.(I would like to say, because of this – we have not called family for a few hours after we have had a baby so that we can have some privacy. Things you learn after having several kids!)

A few hours pass, and it’s time for you to get up and try to use the restroom. Don’t worry, you’ll have a friend – and not someone you know – AND they will be watching you pee, possibly holding you up. And this pee ain’t pretty.

After peeing, the nurses will want to get you in the shower. Don’t worry you’ll be able to lose your hospital gown and get fully naked for your nurse, in all of your post-baby glory. She will help you “clean up”.

This is from my experiences of delivering vaginally – I’m not quite sure what the check-up process is for a c-section, hopefully it’s not as personal.

While all of this sounds terrifying, there are a few things to think about.

Do you really want to keep that baby in you forever?
There is a precious reward for all of your hard work, and it comes in the face of your child.

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