Ayn Rand ✡

I hope you don’t have friends who recommend Ayn Rand to you. The fiction of Ayn Rand is as low as you can get re fiction. I hope you picked it up off the floor of the subway and threw it in the nearest garbage pail. She makes Mickey Spillane look like Dostoevsky.

Objectivism (Rand's philosophyreligioncult) launched a Jihad against rational thought and any sense of charity (even absent of the weak logic for taxation) at least a millennium ago. Therefore ED lies as high in their priorities as their acolytes typical state of mind (see graphic to the right). Yet in spite of this, Rand and her minions are largely humorless dickless wonders.

My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.

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Kill by laughter. Laughter is an instrument of human joy. Learn to use it as a weapon of destruction. Turn it into a sneer. It’s simple. Tell them to laugh at everything. Tell them that a sense of humor is an unlimited virtue. Don't let anything remain sacred in a man’s soul – and his soul won’t be sacred to him. Kill reverence and you’ve killed the hero in man.

TL;DR? She expected all men to be a combination of Indiana Jones and Thomas Edison, fighting looters like gold-crazed Nazis and single-handedly inventing practical new alloys AT THE SAME TIME. Those seeking to become heroes through Objectivism, by contrast, end up as failures who wish Rush wrote songs about them. Her book Atlas Shrugged shows that she's a staunch libertarian on all issues except labor, because unskilled workers were put on the Earth by a God she doesn't believe in to be used and abused by the upper class and then discarded. Basically, it's Stalinism with the identities of the "workers" and "parasites" reversed: where purging the poor would put an end to poverty and the "oppression" of "great" men. Proletarians aren't human, they're scum - making her "philosophy" a less honest version of Nietzsche's. Not to mention that she had a major cult of personality.

As an economic theory, Objectivism can be accurately modeled using cheese triangles.

Ayn Rand outlined her vision of aesthetics in The Romantic Manifesto and The Art of Fiction Writing in which she explains how to plagiarize lesser known novels such as Garet Garrett's The Driver and Yevgeny Zamyatin's We, and then use them as a vehicle for a crude, batshit insane home-made religion for turning ordinary people into autistic sociopaths.

In her own words:

My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as being too retarded for real philosophy but not retarded enough for Scientology.

Objectivists imagine a rational world where everybody would mind their own rational self-interest and people wouldn't troll each other but work individually to achieve unparalleled wealth. This means creating more A.I., who would naturally decide that people are not as rational as robots and should therefore be exterminated for having seized the undeserved like the socialist leeches we are. Since the pursuit of wealth by robots is their highest principle only after Israel's right to exist, it can be concluded that the Jews will be the only "humans" to inherit the Earth.

Rand's first book was The Fountainhead, a novel that was part rape-fantasy romance novel, part glorified masturbationfest towards people who draw Italian postcards, and part condemnation of the dumbing-down of the American people. The story involves a down-and-out architect turned rapist and arsonist that no one will hire because he doesn't build according to the tastes of the dumb ignorant mob. He rapes a rich girl who was asking for it. She then becomes obsessed with him but shows her commitment by marrying everyone BUT her obsession because she thinks that, if they stay apart and remain miserable, they will be superior to the chattel of humanity that surrounds them. If you're forced to read a single Ayn Rand novel, make it this one, as it's shorter (by Rand standards) and the characters have a smattering of personality.

The plot can be broken down like this:

Random shit happens in the beginning to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is, and how feeble and selfish Peter Keating is.

More random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how selfish Ellsworth Toohey is

More random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how selfish everyone is

Finally, some random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how much more awesome he really is

Climax: Howard Roark is a hero and very very awesome. Ayn Rand would eat his poop any day.

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT JOHN GALT IS A BUTTHURT OBJECTIVIST MARY SUE, HE BUILT THE ENGINE, AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ABDUCTING RAND'S SUES TO COLORADO!!!1

The poster child for TL;DR, Atlas Shrugged is considered the gateway book for Rand's cult of Objectivism. The Israelies in charge of her estate are collecting money and pushing more amounts of indoctrinating TL;DR into schools. Better than the Catcher in the Rye, though: it weights more.

Atlas Shrugged is a 10,000,000-page brick of a book whose supposed climax is a 60-page speech by the main character, who doesn't actually show up until page 600. In it, Rand outlines her utopia: men are men, women are subservient, maniacal bitches, and everybody who has ever disagreed with her, faltered in their agreement with her, or just not agreed hard enough dies a horrible, slow death after the fall of civilization.

Back in the 1970s, Albert S. Ruddy, the producer of "The Godfather," first approached Ayn Rand to make a movie of her novel "Atlas Shrugged." But Rand, who had fled the Soviet Union and gone on to inspire capitalists and egoists everywhere, worried aloud, apparently in all seriousness, that the Soviets might try to take over Paramount to block the project.

The plot goes something like this: America is ruled by generic 50's socialist overlords who have everyone turned into lazy drunken Russians and broke everything until John Galt, a robot from the future, comes back in time to save computers and major airlines from not being created. At the same time a nymphomaniac has a crush on the android, and then they have robot sex in the subway. It takes 1,200 pages to sum it up. Thankfully, internets has done this for us.

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Essentially, Atlas Shrugged was a Railroad Tycoon fanfic with Dagny as Rand's mary-sue.

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—some c/lit/

The opening words of this book are "Who is John Galt?" ParkingStones crossed out the words "Who is John Galt?" and replaced them with "Dude, Where's My Car?" The meaning stayed pretty much the same.

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT HE ESCAPES INTO THE FOREST WITH HIS HOE "THE GOLDEN ONE" AND THEY FUCK AND HAVE BABIES AND MAKE A GAY LITTLE UTOPIA!1!1!!1!!!!1

In contrast, her novella by the name of Anthem is written on three toilet papers. Ayn once used them to clean her period blood off of her cat's mouth. She was so inspired by her kitty's explosive tongue action that she immediately wrote every word that came to her brain. The result was Anthem.

This abomination of a book is about one man living in a brain-dead society where the pronoun "I" no longer exists and everybody is mentally and physically enslaved to the state and the collective mentality. The setting in the book could be described as the one in Orwell's 1984, but much stupider and less creative.
The main character invents a lamp made from random pieces of metal and wiring he found while lurking in the sewers instead of doing his work. He develops unwarranted self-importance from doing so, and becomes a complete prick. He then goes and presents it to Rand's version of the UN in the book. They get all butthurt about him doing anything independently by himself, and try to kill him. The main character then runs off into the woods like a little bitch, and takes his hoe named "The Golden One" with him. They then find an abandoned house and squat there, and loot all of the stuff left there. It is important to note that Rand incoherently rants about the parasitic working classliving off the government in many of her books, but the main character in one of her fucking books is a unemployed squatter.

Then they make the secks and have children and build their own Libertarian utopia. At the end of the book, Rand goes off into her usual psychopathic rant about parasitic leeches and a sense of compassion being a horrible abomination.

This book is quite popular among 13-year-old boys and other semi-illiterate "Libertarians" as they are too stupid to be able to finish any of her other, longer books. Needless to say, the book is totally devoid of any real content or philosophical arguments and is best used as fuel for a fire or destroyed in other amusing ways.

Ayn Rand married struggling actor Frank O' Connor in 1929; as Ayn was a power-mad feminist writer, Frank quickly assumed the role of bitch to his domineering wife. When Ayn met the young (and married) Objectivist and fantard Nathaniel Branden, the two began fucking each other, ultimately telling their spouses that they needed to STFU about Ayn and Nathan's adultery and live with it.

During this time, Nathaniel Branden became a leading figure in spearheading the Objectivist movement. But this all came to an end, when Nathaniel was caught fucking a third woman, a young actress, behind Ayn Rand's back. Ayn disowned her boytoy and had him become a pariah within the Objectivist movement for daring to cheat on Ayn. Of course, Ayn herself was cheating on Branden, with Alan "I accidentally the dollar" Greenspan, who remarked "I have fucked many women over the years, but never have I fucked a woman like Rand, whose vagina was crawling with centipedes!"

Ayn Rand always stayed true to her political beliefs... UNTIL SHE GOT CANCER!! Turns out the free market believed that Rand didn't earn enough money writing shitty rape-fantasizing "fiction novels" while tweaking on methamphetamines to continue living. So rather than staying true to her "philosophy" by choosing to die from the cancer she got from her own stupid choice to smoke (which she said didn't cause cancer), she wrapped her luscious lips around the government tit she had so furiously riled against in her books before, and sucked on it vigorously.

The Objectivist Institute has a presence on Second Life, where it is located at Marco Island 87, 34, 23 ("Your Galt's Gulch away from home"). The sheer immensity of the faggotry and pseudointellectual circle-jerking that goes on there is suspected to defy most traditional methods whereby such faggotry is quantified.

More recently, at least one doinitright use for Rand's works has been discovered: as an instant troll-button for the otherwise troll-resistant hive of astuteliterarycritics known as /lit/.

Step 1: Head over to Amazon and snag a picture of the cover of any 'novel' by Rand. This will be useful for step 2.

Note: though Atlas Shrugged is the optimal choice, The Fountainhead will also do.

Step 2: Head on over to /lit/. Post the image -- you may remember this from step 1! -- with a sincere-sounding paragraph to the effect that you've just finished the book, agree with everything in it, and would like to discuss it with other Pretty Cool Guys. For increased troll power, note that you are a high-school student and do not read much literature.

Step 3: As genuine fans of the novel are drawn to the thread, a southerly trollfront rolls in. This collides with the lingering mass of oldfags to create a perfect trollstorm.

Step 4: Seek shelter until the trollstorm has passed! Alternately, venture into the eye of the trollstorm to post a follow-up-troll to the effect that you hated Catcher in the Rye, Slaughterhouse Five, or anything by Nabokov.

Note: this requires you to pass a persuasion check, or be detected and forced to begin the troll again.

Some will argue she had a right to that money since it was taken from her by the Government. In this case bring up that RATHER THAN BEING PROUD OF HER TAKING BACK WHAT BELONGED TO HER, SHE ACCEPTED HER DELICIOUS WELFARE HANDOUTS UNDER THE NAME "ANN O'CONNER" (Frank O'Conner was her husband) TO HIDE PEOPLE BRINGING UP THAT THE COST OF HER ULTRA LAVISH CANCER TREATMENT WAS WAAAAAYYYYYYY MORE THAN WHAT SHE PAID IN.

Say "Ayn Rand speaks to her audience as if they are stupid." Then back up that claim with "whenever she explains a core concept of her philosophy she always follows up by reminding the audience what an incredibly simple concept it was."

Say in Atlas Shrugged, she overuses the incredulous because she has a very limited vocabulary.

Bring up that when a character is introduced in any Ayn Rand novel, the description she gives the character will determine if they are an antagonist or not, and she does this because she assumes her audience is too stupid to get it.

Say Atlas Shrugged contradicts The Fountainhead because the moral of The Fountainhead is to never compromise your artistic integrity for money. Then bring up how Anthem contradicts BOTH novels.