First step: Stop thinking of it as a job. Done correctly, oral sex can be satisfying for both of you.

Take control

Take control

For established partners, oral sex "can be one of the most empowering things to do because you're taking charge of his pleasure," say Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of Bedded Bliss. "That can amp up your own arousal." It's also a time to be exploratory, playful, and fun. With that in mind, do what feels best for you—and by all means request that he return the favor. Once you're ready, start slowly and maintain eye contact as you begin to move your hand up and down his shaft. If you'd like, prep the area by adding a bit of flavored lube that's safe for consumption, like Babeland's Babelicious line, which can make the act a little more palatable and help any initial hand actions go more smoothly.

Let yourself linger

Let yourself linger

Nothing about a blowjob should be fast—he wants to savor it, and you'll love making him squirm. So start slow by grazing your mouth against his penis as you continue moving your hand up and down his lubricated shaft. One more thing: At this point, it's all right if he's not entirely erect. In fact, it's normal for his erection to ebb and flow during oral sex, and it's not indicative of his pleasure, says Amy Marsh, a Berkeley, CA-based sexologist. Take his temperature now and again by asking him to give you a clue when a move really turns him on. The dirty talk adds to the mood, and it'll make the next time even better. "Being honest about how it feels will boost enjoyment on both sides," says Marsh.