On Fridays, I always attempt to post something that’s humorous. What you’re about to read here is beyond humor… it’s more like something from the Twilight Zone. And yet, every account you’ll see below is 100% true. Although they read like fiction, they’re actually real incidents as reported by CourthouseNews.com, a website that seeks out and publishes odd and interesting court reports.

By the way, the real-world content of this article is absolutely not suitable for children to read. Adults only, please… and FYI in no way do I condone the kind of behavior you’ll read in these reports.

Where’s pre-crime when you really need it?

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. – A man who apparently set fire to his trailer during a psychotic episode cannot sue police who failed to arrest him when he voiced plans to burn the place down, a federal judge ruled.
(http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/07/17/48463.htm[2])

Former Hostages Claim Oil Firm Conspired With KBG to Have Them Arrested & Tortured

BROOKLYN – A Belarusian oil company controlled by President Alexander Lukashenka conspired with the KGB to kidnap two U.S. citizens, a freelance reporter and a New York attorney, in a failed attempt to influence U.S. foreign policy, the former hostages claim in court.
(http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/07/17/48447.htm[3])

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – A woman claims in court that she was constructively fired when she refused a request from her female boss: to move in with the boss and her husband, have sex with the husband and bear his children. (http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/07/13/48355.htm[5])

By entering this courtroom, you hereby agree that you’re guilty

ALBANY, GA – A Georgia circuit court and two county sheriffs prohibit family members of criminal defendants from entering court unless their family members plead guilty, according to a federal class action. (http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/06/27/47837.htm[6])

You want sauce with that?

CHICAGO – An “enraged” employee of a Chinese restaurant threw a customer through a glass door, shattering it and injuring her, because she “politely requested more sauce packets” for her takeout order, the woman claims in court. (http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/06/27/47849.htm[7])

SEATTLE – The director of a Catholic drug treatment center lied about his credentials, seduced a patient, gave her crack cocaine and asked her to join a sexual threesome with him and a 10-year-old boy, prompting her to call police, who arrested the director for attempted rape of a child, the woman claims in court.
(http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/07/17/48445.htm[9])

Gay Mediterranean cruise goes horribly wrong

LOS ANGELES – Eleven “attractive young men” claim in court that a cruise company hired them to “mix and mingle” with gay passengers “on a gay Mediterranean cruise,” but when the male models attracted “too much attention,” RSVP Vacations forced them off the ship and stranded them in war-torn Tunisia. (http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/06/27/47853.htm[10])

My, Rabbi, what large fists you have…

A man claims in court that a New Jersey rabbi had him assaulted, handcuffed and blindfolded and threatened to have him “eaten alive by rats,” then forced him to submit to a quickie rabbinical divorce.
(http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/10/18/51406.htm[11])

My doctor is an a##hole who severed my a##hole

DALLAS – An uninsured man who paid his doctor in cash claims in court that the doctor botched his hernia surgery, severed his colon, gave him animal tranquilizer and called him a whiner and a baby for complaining of a botched job that left him with gangrenous intestines, minus a testicle, and with a colostomy bag.
(http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/07/02/47983.htm[12])

Sex perv professor teaches way more than birds and bees

LAS VEGAS – A Western Nevada College student claims in court that her human sexuality instructor required students to masturbate to pass his class, made them keep sex journals for class discussion, was obsessed with women’s orgasms and told the class “that he will increase their sexual urges to such a height that they won’t be able to think about anything other than sex.” (http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/06/28/47885.htm[13])

I’m keep my (remaining) eye on you, son!

CHICAGO – An Indiana woman whose schizophrenic son gouged out one of her eyes after he was kicked off Medicaid and could no longer afford antipsychotic drugs does not have a federal case, the 7th Circuit ruled. (http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/06/27/47863.htm[14])