Who’s Down with OTP?*

No, it’s not Bert and Ernie finally telling the world about the true nature of their devoted friendship. It is….THE RECKONING.

That’s right, y’all. It’s time to reckon some shit. Or, uh, to learn about the International Criminal Court.

And to help you, we’ve whipped up a drinking game to go with the movie. To play, you will need the following: one (1) ocelot, (caged and provoked into furious ire); three (3) bottles Jägermeister; two (2) cans of Bud Light; one (1) carafe of mead made from sweetest honey; one (1) bottle ouzo; one (1) handle of vodka; one (1) bottle of bourbon; one (1) vial of Holy Water, size large; one (1) rapetini; and one (1) jug of orange juice.

The rules are simple. Watch for the following cues, and when they occur, consume the specified beverage in the quantity indicated:

Sound of grass ominously crunching underfoot – 1 swallow vodka.

Close-up on African appendage, severed or otherwise – 1 swallow ouzo.

Appearance of halfway transparent words typed across scenes of devastation – Climb into cage with ocelot; remain there for 15 seconds.

Appearance of archival footage of dudes being brutally slaughtered that makes you wonder “Dear god, who filmed this?” – 1 slug of bourbon directly from bottle.

And finally, if you’re not hospitalized with alcohol poisoning yet, pick one (1) of the following: goat, chicken, or donkey. Every time your chosen creature appears on screen, drink a glass of red wine.

Let us know what you think in the comments section. Best film review gets a full box of Lucky Charms. (But be warned you’ll be competing against Amanda’s husband, who initially found it “quite balanced, in that it wasn’t only good stuff about the court,” but revised that assessment upon discovering that it was not actually an OTP recruitment video.)