The loot -- that's the term you're allowed to use when the money in question comes from illegal means -- is connected to a pyramid scheme involving internet phone provider TelexFree, which is based in Massachusetts (although probably not for much longer after this mess).

Now, we don't know if that's a twin bed, a double, a queen or what, but we do know that's a whole heckuva lotta money right there. And it looks like there's some room for another quarter of a million or so, right? Obviously, the lesson here is pretty clear: when you're trying to swindle people make sure to siphon the cash to some hard-to-trace off-shore account. That's just money laundering 101.