Here is dictionary definition of "nepotism" Luke Russert,defending his own existence as an NBC reporter: ""The news media is a results-oriented business. I don't think a company like NBC would pay me if I wasn't qualified and wasn't able to produce on this level." He goes on to say, "Blah blah blah blah patent rationalizations." Luke, try this: "I'm very lucky to be here and I promise to make the most of this amazing opportunity."

After the Baltimore Sun's Jay Hancock wrote something that Abbott Laboratories' VP of marketing David Pacitti didn't like, Pacitti emailed a colleague, "Someone needs to take this writer outside and kick his ass! Do I need to send in the Philly mob?" Haha, kidding, Jay! Don't make a big deal about it. We know how to shut you up—by waiting outside your house in the morning, grabbing you, throwing you into the back of a car, taking you to a dirty warehouse, and breaking your fingers one by one until you promise never, ever to write anything about us again. Haha, kidding.