Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Too much of a good thing?

I seriously can't believe that I've been back to work for two weeks. Granted, my first week got off to a slow start since I took half of Thursday and all of Friday off for an out of town visit. But still. I can recall time starting to drag a little (in a somewhat good way) towards the end of my six week hiatus. That does not, in fact, seem to be a problem now.

I've been very conscious - slightly scared even - of trying to maintain the level of zen I achieved while integrating back into the workforce. Perhaps this is why I've ended up with a ridiculous number of appointments scheduled. I can't remember a time when I had so many late afternoon "things" to go to.

First it was the dentist. I went for a cleaning, but left with another appointment to go back and check out Invisalign. By no means do I have crooked teeth. But I've been clenching my teeth the past couple years and I've noticed they're not as straight as they used to be (after years of braces, of course). I want to get them back in line since my teenage-era retainers can no longer be forced in.

Next it was the dermatologist. I'd meant to do this while I was off, but couldn't get an appointment until this week. Well, I should say my virtual assistant couldn't score one until this week. I'd never been before but thirty-one seemed like a good age to get a body check, particularly since I grew up in Southern California and was (and am) frequently in the sun. Everything checked out. But I ended up asking about these pesky little broken capillaries that I have near my nose. And now my follow-up appointment to laser them away is in a few weeks.

I finally connected with my life coach after taking a couple weeks off. A good conversation, and a good reminder for me of how much I have accomplished during my time off. I'd blogged about the Energy Leadership Index (ELI) assessment I took when I started this journey. I've been contemplating whether or not to plunk down the $150 to take it again to see where things fell out. If so, I can add this to the growing list of appointments that the work day is infringing upon.

Then there's the whole therapist thing. I've been doing therapy (off and on) for some time now. I strongly believe in its purpose and value, and I am no doubt a better person for having sought out this valuable counsel over the years. But it just takes so goddamn long. It's like the chiropractor. I definitely feel better when I go, but it seems like you have to keep going. I'm sure the benefits of going stick with you, but to really grow leaps and bounds it seems like you really have to keep at it. Now, I'm not opposed to this. But if there's a way to accelerate this personal growth thing, I'm all for it. So I've been doing some investigating. Now, you Southern Californians will feel me here. For the rest of you, try not to be to judgy too quick, will ya?

I've always wanted to be hypnotized. But I never really felt like I had a reason to go. I don't smoke. I'm not afraid of flying (now fish and butterflies? that's a story for another time). But this seemed like a time for experimentation, so I figured what the hell. Given that I didn't have a specific phobia to get over, the conversation was a little hard to kick off. She asked what I was seeking from hypnosis and I launched into some random diatribe about my six weeks and getting in touch with my emotions and out of my head. I was concerned that she'd think it was weird, but she totally got me. Of course that was proceeded by her advising me that if it was just that I wanted to quit smoking, she could "cure" me in a session. But my situation is apparently another matter. It may be the only time when being a smoker appears to yield potentially better results. But I digress. I don't really have an objective. And I'm not really sure how I will define "success". I sort of figure that anything I can do to help myself tap into my heart and soul might help accelerate this whole therapy curve. So, mostly I suppose I'm just curious. I'll no doubt have a blog post about it once I go later in the week. Which brings me to my next experiment.

I've heard of Reiki for a long time. But, to be frank, I always just assumed it was another type of massage. But then I had that integrative energy treatment at Kripalu - which was weird (refer to prior blog post). I wasn't sure at the time if it did anything (beyond the craziness I felt during the treatment), but reflecting back it seemed to coincide with a shift inside me. A lightness, and a desire to deal with things I had avoided for some time (recall the subsequent letter to dad and wedding dress goodwill experience). So I've been interested in doing it again. When I started doing research, I came across Reiki. I watched some videos and it looks, more or less, like what I did at Kripalu. So now I'm really curious. I've made an appointment for next week. It's $90, which I believe to be an appropriate rate for such an experiment.

So what does it all mean? Is this all just too much of a good thing? I'm not sure. I suppose it's one of those things that will only be clear once I've gone through it and can reflect back. But as I write this, I can reflect on the fact that clearly I continue to be committed to self improvement. To bettering myself. To opening myself up; to new people, new relationships, and allowing myself to listen to what I'm trying to say (that sounds so weird...but you know what I mean). Life can get so busy and focusing on yourself is always a challenge. So, if I'm motivated to continue, it sure seems crazy to pull back. For now. I have been known to indulge in too much of a good thing, so it's worth monitoring.

Now that I'm back to work and in the "real world", you really have no excuse. What are you going to do today for yourself? It may be only an appointment away. Hasta, sabbaticaljo