Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I very much want to be a good mother. So I do whatever research I can. Mostly that involves watching reruns of Super Nanny while eating ice cream. One of the tactics I've long employed, since being introduced to it by Super Nanny, is making sure to be down at eye level as often as possible when instructing children. I'm a tactile person, as are my children, so I like to be as eye level as possible, maybe even stroking their faces while talking.

However, Super Nanny failed to explain how to best handle attempting to meet your child at eye level, if your toddler takes this as an invitation to spring on your back. Repeatedly. And at 40 lbs, this isn't a small matter. He's large, but he's surprisingly quick. We have many moment in which behavior needs to be addressed and firmly. However, toddler climbing over his mother, who is trying to manipulate herself into whatever contortions will continue to allow instruction and eye contact, doesn't really allow for the firmness most situations we find ourselves in. As Cinco is often in on whatever chaos is prompting my correction, she certainly takes advantage, but being smaller and not quite as adept as X-Man, she tends to yank on my neck, while trying to climb over my head. I'm starting to think that Super Nanny is married to a chiropractor and has ulterior motives here.

I have yet to see Super Nanny suggest how to address the delightful situation that is created when your toddler removes his underwear and puts his pants back on. Normally this would be fine, unless the toddler ignores the fact that he needs to use the restroom. That is until he is in downward dog pose and the floodgates are opened. He is actually in the perfect position to admire his exploits, and sure enough, he maintains the pose while muttering "Wow." Cinco claps in appreciation and makes a beeline to the rapidly expanding puddle. Argh.

This is why I've explained to the father figure that it really doesn't bother me that X-Man typically strips off his underwear off in the living room before dashing to the bathroom. I enjoy watching him hustle away, while grasping his bare bum, as if to hold everything in during the journey. Whatever it take to not have to clean up Lake Erie in my living room.