“I Can’t. I’m Mormon.”

A few years ago, my boss excitedly said she had a real treat for the two of us to share. It was a special tea from London that someone had bought her on a business trip. I explained that I didn’t drink tea (although I do drink herbal tea). She asked why I didn’t drink tea. I said Mormons don’t drink tea. She was confused and asked, “Are you a Mormon?” I had thought it was obvious since she had worked with me for over four years, having relocated me from Salt Lake City for that job, and I never drank alcohol at work functions. Suddenly I wondered if she just thought I was a recovering alcoholic. Probably.

She asked, “Why don’t Mormons drink tea?” I said it was something we agreed not to do that was referenced in our Mormon scriptures, but at the end of the day I had to confess that there’s not a really specific reason; it’s just something we don’t do. Tea drinkers don’t exactly drop dead early. The longest-lived people on the planet are big time tea drinkers! [1] Since she was raised in a religious environment, she related to that explanation. Religions choose to do various things that set us apart from other religions.

In a Relief Society lesson about a year ago, one of my friends said that when she was a teenager her mother had told her she could always use her as an excuse if she didn’t want to do something. It might be more socially acceptable to say, “My mom would kill me if I [shot heroine/killed a man just to watch him die/committed treason]” than to give the real reason of “I just don’t want to” which can sound judgmental, depending on the situation.

And yet, sometimes we use Mormonism as a catch-all excuse and a way to avoid owning our own choices. Maybe we worry about what others think. Sometimes we might be trying to save face rather than owning the arbitrariness or peculiarity of our choices. It seems to come up when some of our more peculiar choices are questioned: choosing not to drink, wearing garments or covering shoulders and thighs, observing various aspects of the Word of Wisdom, and Sabbath day observance. Not only do some of these choices seem strange to non-Mormons, but a few are even questionable to our fellow Mormons since we make different choices in how we observe things.

Going back to the conversation with my tea drinking boss, she was still trying to grasp that I was a Mormon. She said she didn’t know Mormon women could work. I said, “Well, obviously I do.” She leaned back and was taking it all in.

A recent SNL video parodies the difficulty of saying what we really think and owning our own choices for fear of being seen as awkward or judgmental.

Here are the explanations I could have given for not drinking tea if I had been a bit more quick on my feet:

We believe in being a peculiar people, and this qualifies.

It beats all the crap Catholics give up for Lent.

Mormons are still protesting British tyranny. (It’s not true, but at least it sounds interesting).

It’s an ironic choice given how many Mormons are in the Tea Party, but Mormons are all about the irony.

Mormons have extremely white teeth, and they don’t want to yellow them up with your vile, nasty tea. Why do you think Brits have such bad teeth?

Mormons only like sweet things, and tea is just a little too funky for our sugary taste.

Tea is a hallucinogen. (Also not true, but sounds interesting).

It stems from the great Mormon tea poisoning of 1892. (Not a real event, but sounds like it could be).

Tea is only used for bathing animals and as a healing salve for burns. (Not true, but it sure sounds like something the Word of Wisdom would say).

Because Satan rules the waters and tea is made with water, tea is ruled by Satan. This is why we only shower because Satan can’t get a good saddle position on the water when it comes through a shower head.

What are the Mormon things you do (or don’t do) that you sometimes don’t want to admit you do (or don’t do) just because you’re Mormon with no other really good reason?

Discuss.

[1] According to the World Health Organization, the Japanese are the longest-lived at 87 years life expectancy. And they are sucking down tea like there’s no tomorrow. Not to mention the tsunamis, nuclear disasters, and Godzilla attacks. tl;dr, the choice to avoid tea is not going to cause you to live longer.

Share this:

Like this:

LikeLoading...

Related

Published by hawkgrrrl

Hawkgrrrl has been blogging since March 2008, publishing hundreds of opinion pieces. She is a wife and mother of three, a business executive, a returned missionary, and is active in her LDS ward. She likes oil painting, reading, theater, and international travel.
View all posts by hawkgrrrl

Post navigation

47 thoughts on ““I Can’t. I’m Mormon.””

I think that why Mormons in general do not drink tea and why you as an individual do not drink tea may be different questions with different answers. And I do think there’s a lot more to unpack–with respect to both questions–than “there’s not a really specific reason; it’s just something [you] don’t do.”

Kullervo – I agree there’s more to unpack (also a tea pun in there), but I don’t think I’ve unpacked it to the point that I could explain it to a non-believer. I don’t drink tea because Mormons don’t drink tea, and I choose to forego tea (which I don’t really value) for Mormonism (which I value more than tea).

I value my LDS faith more than tea, though it’d seem utterly silly to get on my self-righteous high horse about WHY I abstain. To most, whom I owe no explanation, I simply would say thanks for their hospitality, but I would prefer something else.

I don’t even feel that the occasional beer or glass of wine is necessarily a corrupting influence and there are credible arguments that the health benefits slightly outweigh the detrimental effects. Of course, that’s IF and only IF you’re not an alcoholic. Someone very dear to me is, and there’s no way I’d foist that temptation on her. In fact, when I go to my fave LIQUOR store in Roseville, CA, because it has my fave energy drinks for dirt-cheap (and I like to chat with the proprietor who is a good friend), she ducks into Ross or Hobby Lobby nearby where she does harm but to her wallet, and I get her when I’m done.

. . which turns out has a much higher chance of killing us than tea or coffee.

Me at work being the only one not using the new K-cup coffee machine:

“you’re not having any, Kristine?”
“no, I can’t have coffee bc Mormon leaders want to make sure I’m weird like this and have these awkward conversations in hopes that you will become interested in becoming weird, too.”

hawkgrrrl, okay, but that’s only the answer to one of my questions. You don’t drink tea because Mormons don’t drink tea, but there is substantially more to why mormons don’t drink tea than “there’s not a really specific reason; it’s just something [Mormons] don’t do.”

Speaking of tea, my sister and I once went to a fancy tea party at a resort. I was bingeing on finger sandwiches and water while my sister was drinking tea. She said, “you’re so good.” Which really bugged me bc 1. Not drinking tea doesn’t make you good and 2. I wasn’t drinking tea because I hate tea. Also, I avoid using the I’m Mormon excuse for much of anything. Or even the I Have To or I Can’t excuse for anything.

As an aside, as an ex-Mormon, I drink tea, coffee, and alcohol. But I don’t drink any of them all the time. And when people offer and I am not inclined, I just say “no thanks.” That basically always works.

I have never had anyone push back on tea or coffee. People push back on alcohol, but my answer is usually “I’m kind of a lightweight and I have to drive home,” or “I have already had plenty.” But those are actually my real reasons.

Kristine A: “no, I can’t have coffee bc Mormon leaders want to make sure I’m weird like this and have these awkward conversations in hopes that you will become interested in becoming weird, too.” EXACTLY.

Kullervo: Ask a Mormon why we don’t drink tea, and you’ll get different answers from different people.
1- Most will say we don’t drink it for health reasons, conflating WoW with a health code (as it was doubtless originally intended) and assuming it has proven health benefits, which is (inconveniently) demonstrably false. Nearly everyone knows that green tea in specific (which is prohibited) has been proven to be very beneficial. Since it tastes like grass, that’s no surprise.
2- You could say, like the CoC that the original intent was not to drink things that are hot (temperature), but Cocoa is OK as is herbal tea, so that’s not really consistent.
3- If you read the actual WoW it says it’s “not by way of commandment.” Yet, if you read the TR interview, it’s included. Although the WoW was penned by JS, it wasn’t ratified and generally followed until around 1920 IIRC.

So, what simple explanation do you suggest applies when a non-LDS person asks why we don’t drink tea?

And after all this anyway, it’s an acquired taste, one that I’m indifferent about since I was raised as an American Mormon, not drinking it. This isn’t the hill I want to die on, and who cares if others drink tea? I have a hard time feeling like it makes us in any way superior or is somehow good advice. So, to me, yes, all it does is make us unique in our abstention.

Brian: My own opinion is that the health benefits of coffee are overstated, and it’s not worth the cost. Damn, those drinks are expensive! Basically, if you eat enough fiber, you don’t really need coffee. Plus too much coffee gives you jitters, to say nothing of coffee breath. Likewise those who recommend drinking a glass of red wine a day. The same benefits can be gleaned from (unfermented) grape juice.

There are plenty of Americans who would do not have a problem with sex outside of marriage. Can you really give a good reason “why” without resorting to internal covenants and restrictions? I doubt it, as there are billions of people having sex outside of marriage every day, and their worlds are not coming to an end because of it. Like you point out with tea, perhaps the oldest living people in the world arrived at that ripe old age because they, in fact, did have a lot of sex outside of marriage. Nonetheless, it’s a chance for us to explain commitment to higher laws and expectations.

Was she doing this for the intellectual curiosity of why Mormons behave a certain way….or because her opinion of you personally had now forever changed?

I remember finishing an all night call shift very, several hours late into the morning and lunchtime had arrived and I hadn’t had breakfast. The nurses on my shift invited me to eat a tray of food that was intended for a patient, but not used, and being famished, I agreed. The beverage on the tray was iced tea and though I never drink tea and planned to go find a cup of water, I was too damned tired and just thought, ‘oh well’. So, I opened it and saw that all the ice had virtually melted, and tasted the watery bland flavor. I don’t drink tea (other than that one time) because I don’t care for it and simply because we are asked not to and its not a big deal to comply–even if there is not a good reason for the restriction.

I do like to ‘eat’ tea, however…that green tea ice cream is pretty good…but I can’t stand coffee ice cream.

Similar arguments could be made for wearing the temple garments. Or sabbath observance. Or going 10 miles over the speed limit (like the speed trap on I-15 as it goes through Pocatello Idaho where it conveniently drops from 80 to 65 for a small stretch — total money making scam for the City). Or going to R rated movies that do not have any _______ scenes. Or smoking marijuana versus taking a benzodiazepine or some similar legal drug. Or paying 10 percent of your income to wealthy church. Or 5:00 am seminary or 6:00 am priesthood meeting. Etc….

When we lived outside of Mormon valley we noticed that a lot of the mormon kids could easily use that excuse (I can’t I’m Mormon) and other kids would leave them alone. But in Rexburg (99.9%) Mormon the excuse doesn’t work. The peer pressure here is to see how close you can get to the line without going over.

I never understood the appeal of tea, until I had some mango tea, which I mistakenly thought was herbal tea (what they call lesbian tea here). The moment I tasted this tea, which was REAL tea, I suddenly understood, in a radiant burst of clarity, why everyone in England is crazy for tea. It was amazing! Too bad I have to stick to lesbian tea, which has no appeal whatsoever other than the ritual element of a hot drink.

I tried my friend’s iced tea at a restaraunt once and it tasted like grass and was thoroughly disgusted. But later I had a friend make me a herbal tea with dairy and sweetener and it was heaven. Nate, mango tea sounds like heaven.

One thing I found when I lived in appalachia virginia (southern religious frenzy) is that we think we’re all weird and special . . . and I met a lot of other religious people that refrained from drinking alcohol, etc. A bunch of mormon things we think are exclusively mormon really aren’t. (shrug)

Time for my WofW joke. Two men were riding a train seated side by side; one was an Irish Catholic Priest, and the other a Mormon bishop. They got to talking, and found out about each other. So the Priest finally asked “ Is it true that you Mormon’s do drink alcohol?” The Mormon bishop replied “ yes, that is true, we don’t drink at all” The Priest was incredulous, and said “you mean you’ve never tasted alcohol in your life, how can you live like that? The bishop replied “ Well, there was this one time when I succumbed to temptation, and I did taste some whiskey. “ The Priest sat there with a look of satisfaction on his face, when the Mormon Bishop asked him “ is it true you never marry, and you’ve never had sex with a woman?” The Priest replied” that is true, I’ve never had sex”. So the bishop says” You mean you’ve never had sex, ever?” The Priest thinks for a moment, then says in a low voice, “well you were honest with me, so I’ll tell you, this one time I was weak, and temptation overcame me, and I did have sex with a lady in my parish”. They ride in silence for a few more moments when the bishop says” Beats the hell out of whiskey, doesn’t it?”

“Was she doing this for the intellectual curiosity of why Mormons behave a certain way….or because her opinion of you personally had now forever changed?” On one level I wished I knew, but on another level I’m glad I didn’t. I think it was a mix of the two.

Ever had fresh mint tea? Or fresh melissa(lemon balm) tea? We drink this cut from the garden at this time of year and now I can’t bear dried herbal teas.
For me the best argument why we don’t drink tea or coffee is the devastating effects that are consequential in the developing world, leading to monocultures that are unsustainable when markets change direction. Nothing I can do about that other than choose to abstain, but that’s not a reason I’ve ever heard discussed. Bottom line is obedience I guess.I think it’s one those issues that signal commitment or otherwise, and certainly the first rubicon my children crossed when acting out their dissatisfaction with their parents choice of religion on their behalf.

So, what simple explanation do you suggest applies when a non-LDS person asks why we don’t drink tea?

“Because Mormons believe in living prophets who are authorized by God to lead His church, and they have consistently taught since Brigham Young that the Word of Wisdom is one of God’s commandments and that it prohibits drinking tea. And Mormons make covenants with God to follow the prophets and their counsel.”

That’s why Mormons in general don’t drink tea. Why you don’t drink tea might be different, but, like I said, that’s a completely different question.

I suppose a third question, the one you’re getting at here, is “why do the Church leaders say to not drink tea?” (Or, if you prefer, “why does God command us to not drink tea?”) That’s obviously thornier, but I don’t know that you have to answer it to your boss, unless it’s specifically the question she is asking.

You can break up the question the same way for other religions: Why don’t Jews in general eat pork? Because it’s forbidden in the Torah. That’s the easy question with a simple answer. The more complicated questions with trickier answers are “Why does an individual Jew choose to not eat pork?” and “Why is pork forbidden in the Torah?”

One thing I found when I lived in appalachia virginia (southern religious frenzy) is that we think we’re all weird and special . . . and I met a lot of other religious people that refrained from drinking alcohol, etc. A bunch of mormon things we think are exclusively mormon really aren’t. (shrug)

Pentecostals and Holiness Christians (e.g., Church of the Nazarene) don’t drink alcohol as a rule. Abstinence from alcohol is strongly associated with the Wesleyan/Methodist movement (of which both Pentecostalism and the Holiness movement are branches).

Notwithstanding the Church’s restoration narrative, I think Mormonism also has a lot of Wesleyan/Methodist roots that are evident in more than just the Word of Wisdom.

Beverages are so idiosyncratic that it would be surprising if religion didn’t enter into the choices of the religious. In Salvadoran, Indian, or Vietnamese restaurants I like most of the food and dislike most of the drinks. Sometimes I’ll still try an horchata with my pupusas and maybe drink half. “Is it any good?” my wife asks. “No, but it’s interesting. Want some?” Foreigners dislike root beer and say it tastes like medicine, although they may have it backwards. When I first had birch beer in Pennsylvannia it seemed I had found the flavor that the makers of Pepto-Bismol were striving for to make their stuff palatable; it was as if the only cherry flavor I knew was from cough drops, and then I tried a snow cone.

It all boils down to faith and humility. Faith that obedience, regardless of how you justify WHY you obey, and humility to simply comply. Yes, I know with some, including myself who art inclined to be stiff-necked, stubborn, and rebellious, that strikes a sore note.

Recall the experience of Israel, beset by venomous snakes, due to their ‘murmuring’ and rebellion (Numbers 21:5-9). All they had to do was to LOOK at the friggin’ brass snake. Now, if yours truly can behold a similar animated work by whoever does ‘Family Guy’, then presumably Moses (or whoever he deputed to cast the thing) could make something at least as appealing. But some would NOT look upon the brass snake due to their ‘attitude problem’ and died when they might have lived.

Kullervo: Your explanation neither sounds simple nor is it what most members would say in response to that question. You’ve given a meta-answer (because living prophets say so) rather than answering the question. That could be the same answer for any question regarding Mormonism, not specifically tea. First of all, your meta answer is not accurate (WoW was frequently ignored during BY’s time and coffee & tea were brought across the plains) plus we don’t specifically covenant to follow the prophets and their counsel unless “sustain” means that or unless singing a Primary song is a covenant. Second, by answering a larger question, you’re actually complicating the answer for a non-believer.

winifred –
There is actually a tea plant. Tea made from “tea” is considered tea. When you look at the ingredients of herbal tea it might say “Peppermint leaf” but it doesn’t say tea. If the ingredients say green tea, black tea, or white tea it is actually tea and Mormons generally consider those against the word of wisdom.

Missionaries sent to Japan in my day were told they could drink Wheat Tea, Seaweed Tea, and herbal tea. The Japanese members substituted warmed wheat tea for the traditional green tea which was deemed to be against the WOW. Most Japanese viewed wheat tea as a summer beverage that was served chilled, so those non-members who heard about it being served warm found this to be a bit peculiar. I believe the Culture For Missionaries book that was given to us in the MTC even stated that those 3 teas were ok.

Tea is a common name of the plant Camellia sinensis, an herb of evergreen shrug variety that is native to Asia. It is also know variously as Te, Cha, Chai, Char, Chuan. It is dried or cured and undergoes various stages of fermentation before it is served after steeping in hot water.

Herbal teas, more properly called tisanes, are made from either fresh or dried herbs, also steeped in hot water. You might recall from the Word of Wisdom:

10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.

Steeping herbs in hot water releases many of the beneficial components allowing for easier absorption into the body. Many herbs cannot be simply digested with the expectation of gaining all of their benefits. Although the process of steeping is the same, tea and tisane are not the same things.

Please don't use this to derail the main discussion, but it is interesting that tea itself is not mentioned by name in D&C 89, instead:

9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

Our leaders have generally used this scripture to counsel against tea and coffee. As you can see, contradictions are found not only in the scripture passages themselves, but also between the leader's counsel, our culture, and the scriptures (herbal teas/tisanes are also technically hot drinks, and yet we are also directed to use herbs with prudence and thanksgiving). So, have fun figuring that one out.

Perhaps it is best to take a cue from the title given, The Word of Wisdom, and seek wisdom and counsel from the Lord directly concerning these matters. The Word of Wisdom provides us with opportunities to grow and stretch ourselves in matters of nuance (like training wheels), especially when we are willing to seek out direct personal revelation concerning these things.

To throw one more wrench into our well turning gears, Camellia sinensis itself is an herb, with many health benefits. So, what's a saint to do?

2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the word of wisdom, showing forth the order and will of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

3 Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.
…
18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

19 And shall findwisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

Rigel, my husband tells me mugi-cha is made from barley rather than wheat, though the Japanese for barley means hairy wheat anyway, so not so different from caro or other barley beverages. But yes, most often served cold in summer – my in-laws drink lots of mugi-cha in summer, as well as cold tea.

Not drinking tea can be something of a social handicap in Britain, though the rise in popularity of herbal teas helps. I’ve never heard it called lesbian tea Nate, is that a northern thing, or an arts thing? I recall getting rather dehydrated every day on a series of industry visits around steelworks, metal-working plants and ceramics factories, while a student, because the only drink served us during the tea break was tea! It was a couple of days before I was able to go out in the evening and get some bottled water. Drinking tea is a very social thing here.

In Asia, I just asked for a cup of hot water instead of tea with my meals, and as it turned out that was a very Asian TCM thing to do, good for balancing the heaty and cooly. I got big time props for being a real Singaporean from my colleagues.

My parents were converts to the LDS church and were big tea drinkers. Probably because they both were raised in the deep South. They never drank alcohol or smoked before joining the LDS church. I never liked tea, any tea and still don’t. My mother said that when I was little and she would give me tea to drink I spit it out. I was the only one in the family who did not like tea.
I never say I can’t or don’t because I am Mormon. I say I just don’t like it. After all my parents did not do certain things before joining the church because it was personal convictions and personal preference. My fathers parents were not alcohol drinkers. My mothers mother never drank or smoked. My mother liked a little coffee with her cream and sugar, my father did not like coffee, his mother never liked coffee but his father drank a little coffee.

My parents were converts to the LDS church and were big tea drinkers. Probably because they both were raised in the deep South. They never drank alcohol or smoked before joining the LDS church. But they kept their tea. I never liked tea, any tea and still don’t. My mother said that when I was little and she would give me tea to drink I spit it out. I was the only one in the family who did not like tea. I don’t like alcohol, it is an acquired taste, and plain disgusting to me, like tea. We all have likes and,dislikes in food so it stands to reason some people don’t like tea or alcohol whether LDS or not.

I never say I can’t or don’t because I am Mormon. I say I just don’t like it. After all my parents did not do certain things before joining the church because it was personal convictions and personal preference. My fathers parents were not alcohol drinkers or smokers. My mothers mother never drank or smoked. My mother liked a little coffee with her cream and sugar, my father did not like coffee, his mother never liked coffee but his father drank a little coffee.

Occasionally a snarky co worker who did not like Mormons would sarcastically say I did not drink tea, alcohol, do ehat ever because I was a goody goody Mormon. I would tell them to pull their head out of their arse.

I did like the list of explanations. Might try them out just to see peoples reactions.

I had a coworker who was fascinated by me being a Mormon (and, as a girl who’d grown up in SLC, I was fascinated meeting someone who’d never met a Mormon). She had questions up the wazoo. Interestingly, she accepted the modesty, tithing, smoking, and a host of other idiosyncrasies without comment. She had a tougher time with alcohol, and kept threatening to slip something in my drink just for fun (she stopped joking about it when I got pregnant). At one point I had her read a FSY booklet to satiate her curiosity. The thing she couldn’t believe after reading it? Not watching porn. Saying I didn’t do it because I was a Mormon was completely unacceptable. I had to come up with a half dozen different reasons before she finally dropped it.

If anyone every asks I call it a “club rule”. There were silly things I had to do to be a pledge in a fraternity. I didn’t have to do them, but if I wanted to be in the fraternity, it was something expected. Similarly, there are increasingly more shown benefits to coffee, tea and even alcohol in moderation. We can’t really explain that we don’t drink them because of our “health code”, as that is completely illogical. So, I just tell people that I choose to be Mormon, and one of the “club rules” is not using those things.

Not having Mike S’ medical credentials (I prefer to defer to the “Pros”, and not just those “from Dover”), I wholeheartedly agree that the so-called benefits of complete abstention from coffee, tea, and alcohol, and possibly marijuana (under very limited circumstances, not recreational for sure) have been oversold. Look, back in Victorian times or shortly thereafter there was a sincere belief that a young man in athletic pursuits ought to refrain from ‘recreational’ sex or not marry on the basis that it’d sap up his vital energies needed to win on the playing fields. Had the press been less ‘forgiving’ of, say, one George Herman Ruth and HIS nocturnal habits, that NOTION (said one of his teammates: “I didn’t room with the Babe, I roomed with his luggage”), THAT notion would have been disabused!

Sometimes we ought to show the faith of Adam (and presumably Eve at his side), who when asked by the Angel of WHY he was performing sacrifices, said, “I know not, save the Lord commanded me.”

Once again I must defense science. A downside for the scientific method? Are you kidding, Jared?

I cannot stand this type of nonsense. Science has saved (and extended) countless human lives. We are talking about BILLIONS. I am not going to sit here while people act like science isn’t that beneficial because it is kind of contradictory sometimes but the Word of Wisdom is so precious.

Penicillin alone has saved a billion times more lives than the Word of Wisdom. And penicillin is just one of countless scientific discoveries that have actually made human lives healthier and longer.

Are some scientists compromised in the midst of big business to make money? Sure. But to denigrate the scientific method as a whole because of a few questionable incidents is beyond ludicrous. That’s like saying I think oxygen is overrated because sometimes the air I breath is polluted. Who needs oxygen, anyway?!?!

Like you, I’ve benefited greatly from science. However, I’ve benefited more from Heavenly Father. He is the one who provided the blessings whereby scientist have been able to make advances.

Consider this scripture:

9 Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

A while back, I was at a professional conference when a colleague asked a favor. She explained that her shop had a young person who was incredibly talented at the technical aspects of their job, but off-putting because of sanctimony and lack of networking, which is crucial in many fields (and if you are not representing your organization well and have contacts among experts in the field, your own organization is being affected adversely–it is not just a personal decision). The lack of networking was because the BYU grad was unwilling to go to cocktail parties, etc., deeming them to be sinful situations. Since this supervisor had known me for years and did not find that same behavior, she asked me to talk to the person.

But what do you say? I tried to chat; they looked down their nose at me.

When we went into the dessert reception, this person saw the chocolate mousse, sniffed that it might include mocha, and as I walked away with a filled plate, I hear them saying something to a co-worker about “…offends my spirit.”

I went over to an empty table to calm down and think if there was something else I could try…and saw a BYU professor sipping a Diet Coke:)

I just say “don’t” without being more specific. I know a lot of people who can’t drink coffee because of medical reasons and those who maintain strict sobriety. I carry a bottle of water around the cocktail party and nobody looks twice at it.

We have traveled in China, and it is indeed harder at an event when tea is the only choice. But whenever we did High Tea in England there were always fruit infusions available.

Naismith, your comment reminded me of another situation I was in at a leadership conference. A colleague of mine had attended this same training a few months prior, and he had said he couldn’t participate in one of the activities because he was Mormon. The trainer was super respectful and took me aside privately to say if I didn’t want to participate in that part for religious reasons to let him know. I could not for the life of me figure out what the objection was!

When I got back to the office I talked to my colleague and asked why he had objected. He said because it was with a mixed sex group in the evening in one of the suites (the rooms we were in had a living room area to them). Then he laughed and said maybe he really just wanted to get out of the activity because it probably wasn’t that big a deal from a Mormon perspective. So, yeah, sometimes we just don’t want to do something, and that’s OK too.