embracing new dreams​born from the ashes of the old ones

As I shared in "How to Receive Criticism Graciously," conflict is something that many women find intensely uncomfortable and difficult to handle. In a discussion with several ladies, I heard the same fears expressed by multiple women.

"How do you tell someone that they're wrong?" one woman asked. "I always worry that it's going to hurt the relationship."

“Pastor,” I said. “There’s someone in my life that I want to witness to. How do I start the conversation?” “Hmm,” my pastor thought. “How about you ask, ‘How do you get to heaven?’ and see where it goes.” When I next saw my intended “victim,” I asked the question. The other person shrugged and blushed, I delivered the gospel in two minutes, and the conversation died there. No response. I finished tongue-tied, wondering how I could have invited more real interaction. I felt like such a failure.

Many years have passed since that awkward attempt, and I’ve learned a few things along the way. Here they are:

In one of the autobiographical stories by Scottish veterinarian James Herriot, he describes how he courted a beautiful young woman named Helen. Jim was impressed with Helen’s kindness toward her aging and lonely father, whose wife had died some years before. Jim then reminded his young male readers that, when they consider a woman for marriage, they should take a passing glance at how she treats her father, because that is how the woman will treat her husband someday. Jim’s instincts were right, because the kindness, respect, and skill that Helen had given to her father were brought into her marriage with Jim.

Most women have a plan that includes marriage. This is not wrong; this is good! God made Eve, the first woman, to be a helper suitable for Adam, her husband. In other words, woman was made for man, so it is natural that women since Eve have desired to be wives.

The struggle of the modern woman is that the fulfillment of this desire is often delayed.

A story tells how an old woman gave a young man a ball of string. If he pulled the string, she told him, he could fast-forward his life.

At first, he pulled the string just a little, to skip chores he disliked and get to the "good parts" of his life. But as he grew older, he began to skip larger and larger portions of his life, seeking for the next exciting thing.

When he reached the end of his life, he was filled with regret for all the moments that he had skimmed over in his search for something better.

Many people feel awkward when they learn that a friend has had a miscarriage. How should they respond? What should they say? How do they balance between acknowledging the loss and giving encouragement and hope for the future? What is the emotional impact of losing a child that she never even felt or saw? Is this something that is over with quickly, or something that hurts forever?

For those who want to help, but don't know what to do, here are some insights and suggestions.

In the last post, "Why Physical Boundaries Matter," I explained why those physical boundaries should be an important part of a woman's relationship with a man. Now we get to the nitty-gritty: Why do so many good intentions regarding physical boundaries fail? I believe it is because we make three main mistakes when setting those boundaries.

Boundaries must be specific.

"I think it would be sweet to save my first kiss for when I get married," a young woman once told me. "But I don't know what will happen."

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Meet Yaasha

None of my life has gone the way it was "supposed to go," but I don't love my life any less because of the hardships and new directions. I see so much unexpected good in it, and I want others to see the good in theirs.