"One life - a little gleam of Time between two Eternities." Thomas Carlyle~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.

I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.As smart as fish bait.Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.Forgot to pay his brain bill.His belt doesn't go through all the loops.If he had another brain, it would be lonely.Missing a few buttons on his remote control.Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.Receiver is off the hook.Surfing in Nebraska.An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.A few beers short of a six-pack.A few peas short of a casserole.The cheese slid off his cracker.Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.Couldn't pour urine out of a boot with instructions on the heel.He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.

Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.Lily : So what do you do?Sam : I close my eyes.

Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water? Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.

Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake? Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked."Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant."That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?""Before the store opened," countered the prisoner. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyone. Midge, condolences and hugs are on the way. May your BIL rest in peace. I'm not sure what is on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Muffins, and Omelets in the NC.

Skywalker is determinedly reminding me that I haven't yet fed the dogs. I keep telling him he is one cup short....I'm only on my 2nd cup of coffee and I usually feed after 3. I must be drinking it slowly today.

Hubby picked up the last of the tax info yesterday so I'll be finishing up taxes today so we can them mailed in this week.

I also plan to get the monkeys and myself out for a walk and we have Bible Studay tonight. Not sure what else the day will bring, though I do know it will bring breakfast in a few minutes

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

No yard kid sightings. I'm on a campaign to pull those weeds growing in between stepping stones. Gonna hurt my self I think, but it has to be done. Ugh. Can't wait for the kid ever again.

Outdoorsies are freaky this morning. Dunno why but it's either the weather or a pending earthquake or maybe some raccoon nearby. They don't seem afraid, just in a run, jump, pounce mode all over and up and down things. Fun.