Why Are These Christian Women Reading Porn?

One of our nation’s leading Christian publishers conducted a survey asking respondents to name the most influential book they had read in the past year. A startling number of women – Christian women – said “Fifty Shades of Grey” was their favorite book of the year.

Why is that so noteworthy?

Because the “Fifty Shades of Grey” books are a written form of pornography, plain and simple. It’s a book series that’s become nothing short of a cultural phenomenon, having sold more than 100 million copies in just a few short years.

The demand has been so intense a feature film is set to be released on Valentine’s Day weekend and talk of it has flooded mainstream entertainment news shows.

Of course, it would be easy to simply slap a label on the material and dismiss it out-of-hand.

But there’s a deeper issue we’d be missing.

How and why has pornography ensnared so many women, including Christian women?

The truth is, underneath the use of pornography and carrying out the harmful sex practices promoted by “Fifty Shades,” are valid human emotions and needs longing to be met.

The challenge for men and women alike is to discover a healthy and holy fulfillment for those God-given desires.

I’m reminded of the woman in Scripture who was judged by others and so full of shame she went to the well alone in the heat of the day to draw water. And who shows up, but Jesus. He extended her grace, broke through all the lies she told herself, and rescued her heart.

And that’s what today’s program, “Exposing the Lure of Romance and Erotica,” is all about: rescuing the female heart. Joining us today are Dr. Juli Slattery and Dannah Gresh who have written a book together called “Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart.”

Whether it’s the “Fifty Shades” series that has drawn some in, an affair someone doesn’t know how to get out of, or some other escape they’re using to hide from their pain, this conversation is for all those looking for help. It isn’t about judgment or heaping shame on anyone. It’s about helping those who feel trapped break away from the false intimacies that are leading them down a dangerous path.

I know this isn’t an easy topic for many people. But I believe it’s the exact discussion we need to have in the Christian community. This two-day program isn’t graphic, but it’s still not suitable for younger children, so please use your discretion. Tune in and listen on your local radio station, online or via our free, downloadable mobile phone app.

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Ed Longshanks

6 months ago

The presumption in this article and comments are incredible. You presume that God shares your hatred of erotica. That is strange since, as I argue at EroticChristian.com, God inspired Solomon to write erotica and did not instruct the New Testament Christians to avoid looking at or reading the erotica that pervaded the Roman world.

Ginny Bain Allen

More than 1 year ago

Have ya heard of the new book by Dianna Anderson that recently came out entitled http://www.amazon.com/Damaged-Goods-Perspectives-Christian-Purity-ebook/dp/B00KVK31WI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1424300167&sr=8-1&keywords=dianna+anderson UNFATHOMABLE is what it is! Oh yeah and revolting! She purports to be a follower of Jesus. I laugh in the face of such heresy!

donovanmoore

More than 1 year ago

Barna Research, a CHRISTIAN company, has polled for years and found out that porn use among Christians is the exact same as among non Christians. Yeah.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I truly feel by looking at this whole situation through a biblical perspective, it looks like just another situation where we do not follow the bible for its true content. Marriage is probably the most difficult relationship of them all. You have two sinners, each with their own views and ideas of how marriage should work. Unfortunately because of our pride and stubbornness, we continue to fall into the snares of the enemy, because we continue to disobey. God is very clear "Put me at the center of everything you do and I will show you the way" (my version). God gave us a road map, but we continue to get lost, because we do not follow the map, and continue to ask everyone else for directions, but forget we have all the directions we need in his word. We will never know where we are heading if we never pick up His word to show us where to go. Thank you

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

A good perspective on this dangerous book and film.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

Since this topic is open for discussion, can Anyone answer me please? What are the guidelines for what is OK for a married couple to do in regards to the act of sex? The Bible definitely restricts sex to the marriage bed, (I have been Faithfully married for 27 years) but after that, it does not give any specifics. And different people always have different opinions as to what is & is not OK for a husband / wife to do, so I was seeking any guidance and clarifications that you have?

krob

More than 1 year ago

Anon - I agree with you. I believe that the "guidelines" for a couple are those set by that couple. Tastes and needs are different for everyone. As long as there is genuine, mutual consent, it's no one else's business.

Beth Kachel

More than 1 year ago

Is it really a shade of grey? Or black and white? Invite God and his Word into this area, and see what he has to say: "whatever is noble, whatever, is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely...think on these things." Phil 4:8 "but among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity..." Eph 5:3... and that's just the tip of the iceberg. And then he promises that when we trust and obey...there is joy and freedom and true intimacy that God has ready to pour out on men and women everywhere. No, not every desire will be met. But a deeper peace -- more lasting -- is real! I wonder if Christians across America really lived out God's words and spread His peace - wouldn't it send a message of hope that what everyone is really longing for is within reach through a relationship with Jesus Christ?

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I have not read the book and don't intend too. Subjects of sex (in detail) are to be discussed only between husband and wife. Even then married couples need to guard themselves against what is not natural. God gave us sex for 2 reasons, pleasure and reproduction. When we let the pleasure be pro-filled by un-natural ways then the world has succeeded in creeping into our minds and we're not even aware of satan taking over. Think about this...the time it takes to read the book they could be talking and exploring natural things concerning sex with their spouse. Sex of any kind is not going to fill any gap or void between husband and wife. Satan is the great deceiver and even Christians are falling for this sinful nature. So as to why Christian woman are reading this book....sinful nature, and fear is my answer. Fear of the truth, the hard work involved to do different, of loosing what they have, and letting a man (husband) know they're vulnerable.

Jeanne Born

More than 1 year ago

I think the biggest thing for me is not getting swept up in the subtle ways of the enemy. Things continue to be 'watered down' and we as Christians have to have our guards up. I think it's interesting that the author of these books knows well the heart of women and knows that women read but may not 'watch' porn so they marketed books to us women. No matter where our path has taken us or will take us, there is absolutely no one who can love us like God and fill the places in our heart(s) that need to be filled by a loving Father. "Don't shout at the darkness - shine brighter!"

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I am so appalled that Christian women are reading the book. It is absolutely shameful. Breaks the heart of God.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I'll share my recent experience regarding this issue . . .

I often receive catalogs in the mail from near-by Christian book stores because I'm a Christian and I love reading books on Christian Living. But to my surprise, the recent catalog had a brief article contrasting the upcoming dual between two movies: "Fifty Shades of Grey" and "Old Fashioned". I'd never heard of Fifty Shades of Grey and the article used the term "soft porn". I thought to myself . . . "soft porn"!!!??? So I looked the movie up and saw the trailer for the movie, thus creating a slight battle within me. I instantly found myself being enticed by the lust of my flesh. I know for myself, that though my flesh would like to rationalize why seeing this movie would be okay, my spirit knows that it's a lie and it wouldn't be good for me. It's best that I don't see the movie!

Also though, as I was reading through all the comments, the thought came to my mind . . . are we not giving the enemy fuel by having this conversation? I'm in no way promoting not talking about important issues, but what of this movie is " . . . noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable . . (Phil 4:8)? How about we discuss the movie "Old Fashioned"?

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I am grateful I have no desire to read this book. I will not knowingly give Satan any sort of foothold into my life. I am amazed that others think this is a giddy subject, and appropriate. I don't have to read it to know it is pornography, mere fantasy.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I have read all 3 of the 50 shades of grey books. Yes I agree that there was way too much sex in the book I was like good grief. I'm not the perfect Christian but I am the perfect sinner. I started reading the books to see what the fuss was about. The sex didn't bother me bc I wasn't reading it for the sex. I could relate to Christian Grey and Anastasia Steel in certain ways (none of them sexual) . Beyond the sex I think is a good story. To me they were just books to read.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I did not read this book because my husband ask me not too. I honored his request. After hearing others discuss some of the content, it is not a book I would recommend. I completely understand why my husband had concerns.

April Saade

More than 1 year ago

First, I would like to say that the thing about the book that appeals to women is the fact that he falls head over heels in love with this woman. He treats her like she is the only woman on Earth,and loving her heals him from the trauma of his adolescent life and things that happened to him. Initially, I had No desire to read this book.Honestly, what drew me to it was the fact that so many "Christians" were making claims about it being pornography, sinful ,glorifying abuse, rape, etc. Being a christian who has seen how judgmental and critical, and self- righteous supposed "Christians" can be, I decided I would not judge the book unless I read it myself.Just as I will no longer take others words for what God meant when He wrote the Bible.One has to read it for themselves and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal God's words. One must also have a relationship with God. God is the most important thing in my life and yes I can still say I am not sorry I read Fifty Shades of Grey. That being said, I do agree that romance novels and things like soap operas, fairy tales can set women on the path of unrealistic expectations for a man or spouse. There is no such thing as a perfect man or woman,there is only "perfect for you". Is this love story unrealistic? Yes, I believe so , I also believe that if you are the type of person to think your knight in shining armor will someday come and be everything you've ever dreamed and then some, then you should not read this book. God is really the only one who could fulfill us, it would be a mistake to put those expectations on another human being,they will, nor can they , ever measure up. The sinful thing about fifty shades is that there is premarital sex,and it represents our society now. The book is not about rape, never at any time was the woman forced to do anything she didn't want to do.It was a consensual, monogamous relationship which resulted in marriage and children,a"happily ever after" if you will.Do I think some of the sexual encounters were beyond my comprehension? Uh yeah. I had never heard of some of these things,and most were not my cup of tea. In the book it explains how the male character comes to participate in these things. It's sad really.Things that happened to him were unspeakable yet sadly things that happen in our country every day.I agree with the woman in the posts who said, if a husband and wife have things they do with each other that spices it up then that is perfectly ok, they are in a married ,committed relationship, so who cares what happens between them in their marriage bed? That is sacred to them and no one's business. No children should ever read this book or see this movie. I am happily married and reading this book did not poison my marriage.It could only poison someones marriage if they expected their spouse to be that character. I am not backslidden for reading this, I don't expect my husband to be Christian Grey or anybody but himself. There is nothing wrong with romance or wanting to be loved. It boils down to this :everyone wants to feel loved and cherished,no one would refuse someone who adored them,and loved them so selflessly. Love like that is rare because only God could truly fill that void, He is the ONLY one who ever could love us selflessly. This is my honest opinion. I hope it helps.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I appreciate your thoughtful, honest opinion.

You are very secure in your relationship with our Lord.

Good for you!

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

Porn in any form is truly one of the biggest plagues of our time. All this talk of vaccines and deadly diseases is indeed extremely important, but this quiet, most often ignored plague is literally destroying individuals, marriages and young lives at an alarming rate. We, as Christians...being parents, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, aunts uncles, grandparents, friends MUST have conversations with those we love about the seemingly widely accepted practice of pornography in today's society and how it contradicts God's will for our lives...from raunchy fast food ads (please don't support these businesses by consuming their products) to blatant pornographic movies and books such as this, we need to TALK about God's will for us where intimacy is concerned. If we don't talk, then many young people view this warped representation as just a right of passage which detrimentally distorts their perspective of love and intimacy and the condition and nurturing of the heart...and often because the adults around them don't discuss it, accept it..or sometimes even encourage it with the choices they make.

It will not only remain this way, but will become worse unless WE take a stand against it by teaching our kids and talking to those we love about truly connecting to the heart of one another...and not some fantasy in a book or image on a movie screen... because generations to come will be influenced by what WE do today. We MUST set an example in what we read, what we watch and how we respond to the bombardment of this type of material all around us.

It has been written that an addiction to this type of material is akin to a drug and/or alcohol dependency...being used as an escape

that only compounds the problem it was turned to in the first place.

It seems we, as humans, are always trying to find an escape to reality and understandably so as we look around and consider the condition of the world we live in today, BUT, what if we do whatever we can while we are here to make reality a better place to be...a more God honoring place and maybe, just maybe...wanting to escape reality will become a thing of the past? It is part of our responsibility and legacy to our children and those we love to have these difficult conversations and educate them and protect them from this affliction...and others like them...to ensure they live healthy, wholesome, God-honoring lives that will have far reaching effects in future generations.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

So well put! Thank you so much!

Gina McLeod

More than 1 year ago

What we bring into our lives speaks volumes as to what we are missing.

I wish I could be more shocked at this article. I'm not. Be honest…are you? Of course some "christian women" are reading and planning to go see 50 Shades. They are also watching Orange is the New Black, The Real Housewives of Wherever and subscribed to Cosmopolitan magazine. I could give you opinionated reasons for their choices, all being only opinions. I would need to ask around and get honest answers before coming to any conclusions.

I did ask my dear friend why she is planning to see the movie and her response was, "I loved the book. I love the idea of this powerful man being brought down by an unsuspecting girl" …hmmmmm. okay. I asked. She answered.

You know we live vicariously through the characters we watch on film. We go to movies believing we can relate to them on some level. We go to be entertained….challenged…validated…inspired. If someone knows the synopsis of this story line and still chooses to partake…well...

What we bring into our lives speaks volumes as to what we are missing.

I am a christian. I have not read the book. I do not plan to see the movie. Not because I think myself "righteous" or more spiritually disciplined, but because I made a choice. To me it is so lambs-to-the-slaughter and I don't want to get in line.

I am in a wonderful relationship with an imperfect man and I have a humbling relationship with our Perfect God. I feel blessed at this time in my life to not feel as if anything is missing... and I do not take this for granted.

Jordan McNeely

More than 1 year ago

I am a Professional Counselor specializing in sexual addiction and I think this kind of material is very dangerous. The mainstream acceptance and even exaltation of this type of material further ingrains the seeking pleasure for pleasure's sake into our collective consciousness. Furthermore, seeking pleasure for pleasure's sake necessarily objectifies the people from whom we derive that pleasure. They become little more than full size sex toys created for satisfying our cravings. Sex was created by God to be pursued and to feel great but there's so much more to it than that. When you reduce sex to just a pleasurable high its easy to end up just chasing sex for the high and missing out on all the best parts of sex.

krob

More than 1 year ago

Jordan, your points are definitely relevant but sometimes I can't resist playing devil's advocate to balance out a discussion. The BDSM lifestyle does not always result in objectification. It has "shades" of its own, depending on the dynamics of a given relationship. If a couple are both consenting, and they choose to define their sex life only in terms of pleasure, why do we care?

Carmela Bozulich

More than 1 year ago

I have read the 50 Shades series, more out of wanting to see what all the fuss was about. I totally agree that it's soft-core pornography, and that I can see the appeal to women who have no real concept of what love and commitment, as well as respect and honest devotion to one another, is. I classify this type of book as trashy romance novel--nothing more. And women who find themselves attracted to that kind of stuff are usually (I'm speaking anecdotally, of course--a researcher I am not) unfulfilled in their own relationships and typically have unrealistic and over-idealized concepts of what a loving relationship is.

I used to read stuff like this all the time--before I came to know Jesus as my Savior. And I married a nice, solid, normal, loving man who is as far from the Grey character in the 50 Shades book as any human being can get. He's not rich, he's not dangerously handsome, he's not a control freak or a sexual deviate, and he has no secrets that I have discerned (after 33 years of marriage). I much prefer real life to the drelb that the 50 Shades series passes off as entertainment, thank you very much.

Julie Dever

More than 1 year ago

When I was in high school, an amazing nun (who proudly confessed to being Republican) was faculty moderator for a "study club" called CDL -- Citizens for Decent Literature. I believe the parent organization was started in the 1960s by an attorney, Charles Keating .

I was blessed that my parents were OK with me having to think about and talk about the role that pornographic materials had in the downfall of American morality.

The legal definition of pornography in that day was something that appealed to the "prurient interest". Just a fancy way of saying that it's sexual content was titillating and caused one to think about and dwell on images that could stimulate a sexual response.

Sister Louise Anne was prophetic in warning the members of our club about the dangers of pornography's effects on the human mind and it's future in the pulling down of American integrity and values.

Like anyone, I have been tempted to look at porn, because I am a sinner. I am grateful that I learned early that there is no future to such activities except in the hell of addiction.

When I recently saw a copy of the Fifty Shades book on the desk of a young single church secretary it made me extremely sad.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I don't know anything about the book or the movie, but I do understand that women are very much stimulated by emotion, that is why romance novels are such huge sellers. They want their flesh to feel good, same reason men have such a problem with pornography. The problem for Christians is that we are suppose to die to the flesh, we fail to grasp the reality of what Christ has done and the church leaders are a huge influence because they don't teach or understand themselves what dying to self is. The very word romance should never even be used by Christians or marriage counselors. Romance is subjective and abstract based one each individuals longing or desire, it can mean whatever a person wants it to, but it's never based on the truth of the Holy Spirit, but on what the flesh desires. The best thing the church can do is help each other understand that Christ death is our death. The flesh will never produce life!

Lillian Beckelheimer

More than 1 year ago

I cannot say why Christian women would read this sinful book. I have not and will not read it or watch the movie. Just the commercials are enough to jar your mind. Perhaps thewe women lack intamacy or such and this is how they find it. This is just one more way to draw our kids away from god.

Stan Lubas

More than 1 year ago

As Jim Daly has pointed out, the attraction of Fifty Shades to both saved and unsaved women, is merely an indication of a much greater problem. And as such, the solution to it must be comprehensive in scope.

What are women seeking? What are their needs and desires for affection, romance, fidelity, security, excitement, etc?

How do they view marriage? Outside of the commands in Scripture to the husband, what do women today expect of their spouse?

I think this book's attraction highlights a generational problem.

I attend a church with many older couples in their 70s, 80s, as well as younger folks. And today's version of church life, of marriage, of family, of life in the workplace, has drastically changed from decades ago. Mostly for the worse.

The world has done a thorough job of conditioning women both in and out of the church, as to how they should perceive men, as to their own roles as homemakers and caregivers and workers, as to femininity in general.

And the result of that is disastrous. Women, rightly so, can fend for themselves and deserve equal respect. But what I've observed, is women (in general) declaring: I'm my own person, I don't need men's help. I'll love him, but he is essentially unnecessary.

Simultaneously, they cry out (subconsciously even): I want his leadership, his strength, his companionship, I want to be sought after and desired and yearned for...I want to know that I have a safe place to fall. All while shoving men away.

Until this dichotomy is addressed, among other things as well, then books like this will thrive.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I love how you put this. So true!!

krob

More than 1 year ago

On the other hand, people can stop giving the movie so much attention- and power - and simply regard it as a form of entertainment, which is the reason movies exist.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

I recently put two-and-two together, and have a theory.

First, it is believed that 1/3 of American women have had/will have abortions. That number is supposedly higher in the church because many times, the guilt, shame, and regret of abortion drive a woman to seek God and she winds up in a loving Christian church, forgiven and made whole.

Second, I recently saw a short video in which a woman described her "post abortion stress syndrome". Part of attempt to cure her guilt and shame was to hurt herself. She described eating disorders, cutting, and attempted suicide. She said, "I felt like I had to punish myself, because no one else had."

Here's my theory: If 1/3 of American women have had abortions, and even 1/3 of those struggle with post-abortive shame, regret, and guilt, then that's millions and millions of women who may be feeling like they deserve to be punished, hurt, and abused, as a way of getting forgiveness and healing over their sin of abortion. Perhaps that is why so many submit (or fantasize of submitting, through reading about it) to sado-masochistic abuse.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

Just to be clear before I start, I have not read the book and I will not watch the movie. I also do not approve with reading anything other than Godly relationship books.

But, you did ask why are these Christian women reading porn? So I thought I might reply with potential reasons why. I watched a Dr. Oz one lunchtime and he had people raving about how the book had changed their marriages forever. How it has awakened women's sexual drive and how it has brought spouses/partners together. Everyone was so joyful about how the book had changed them, I even started to think, woah maybe I need to read this book.

I would imagine that Christian women are wanting to keep their husbands desire 'satisfied'. Media today bombards us CONTINUALLY with how we should be doing this with a type of product. It often makes me think I need to give in to fulfill what society says a "good wife" is. Ridiculous I know, but it is always around, billboards, magazines, Facebook everywhere. Women are constantly being made to feel like they aren't good enough, because they don't act a certain way, or look like Kim Kardashian.

I am imagining wives who have a low interest in sex, would think that it might help to increase their interest. Some would be using it as a last ditch effort to save their marriages.

I know that Christian men watching internet porn is an disgracefully widespread problem, so women may also be wanting to keep up with the way their husband thinks after being scarred with those horrific images and perceptions of what a wife should act like behind closed doors.

Curiosity and love deficits could also be another reason. Everyone needs to be loved, and that unfortunately is what the secular society says it's what you have to do in order to get love.

None of these things justify why women are reading these books, but they could possibly be driving forces which lead them in that direction.

I wish people would realise how destructive this way of thinking is to their own lives. And how it always leads to a dead end of despair rather than satisfaction in all areas of life.

Anonymous

More than 1 year ago

Very good commentary! You probably hit the nail on the head. Satan is out to make us dissatisfied with what God has blessed us with. Just like in the Garden of Eden. What was one tree compared to a garden full of other wonderful trees? We might be missing out. If we would spend half of our time pursuing God as we do these other things, we might find ourselves with more joy, pleasure, and contentment that these other pursuits promise but fall short of.

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Daly Focus

Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.