“Boxers strap their wrists up in preparation for boxing matches,” she explained. “I strap my toes up for high heels!”

Slipping into her ornate mini dress, Heidi engaged her bridesmaids to help lace up the back. Suddenly, she was hit with reality – in more ways than one.

“How do I go to the toilet?” she squeaked.

“Just don’t wait until you’re busting,” one of her bridesmaids offered sagely.

“What possessed me to do this ridiculous thing?” Heidi said, her nerves rising rapidly as she instantly hit “busting” point.

She focused on the priority at hand – urinating.

Trying to yank the tight bodice up, Heidi was talked off the ledge by her ever calm wingwomen. “It’s not gonna happen,” they advised.

“I’m busting to go to the toilet!” she said, suggesting she take the whole dress off.

Instead, the girls went for a – erhm – different option. After debating the merits of a cup or a bowl, a decision and satisfactory outcome were both reached.

That task out of the way, it was time to head to the ceremony. Pulling up at the location, Heidi experienced a surge of yet another bodily fluid. “I think I’m gonna vomit,” she confessed, bracing herself on the limo.

“I have so many fears and insecurities that he won’t like me,” she revealed as she took some big breaths.

Rallied, Heidi began the walk towards her groom, who despite his usual swaggering confidence, was at that moment experiencing a Level 12 panic freak out of his own.

Spotting the back of Mike, Heidi was hit with a new revelation. “He’s got no hair” she whispered, stressed. “He’s got no hair… sh*t!”

Her bridesmaids strolled ahead of her, sensibly barefoot on the sandy path. For Heidi, the glam was about to be her kryptonite yet again. Stilettos and sand – not the greatest of matches.

She stoically wobbled and picked her way through the sand, but with the image of those bandaged toes firmly in her mind, Heidi knew she had no other option than to keep the stilettos on.

The look of sheer relief as she hit the solid platform matched the same relief that she’d experienced earlier with “the cup.”

Bandaged toes and unyielding bodices were forgotten as she was quickly swept up in lust with her groom, Mike.

So instantaneous was their chemistry that later in the evening, Heidi revealed that she had a “situation” when it came to using the bathroom. Mike quizzed her as to whether she had a funnel on hand, to which her bridesmaid looked disappointed she hadn’t thought of that instead of “the cup.”

For the second time that day, three bridesmaids, one bride and one cup entered the bathroom.

Turns out being a bride is not all sparkles and champagne… much like a marriage, really!