This past weekend, I attempted to go shopping. I say attempted because it was for clothes. And right now, I'm still carrying a considerable amount of baby weight (35-40 pounds). So yes. I have the mommy pouch that makes it damn near impossible to find anything I want to wear. Then, when I do, it doesn't look right on me. Back on the hanger it goes. I'm also in a strange stage in my life. I have crossover tastes in clothes. Some stuff I like is in Misses. Other things are in Juniors. WHICH DEPARTMENT AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOP IN?! I'm only 25. I'm still young (even though there are days I feel way too old). But am I still young enough to get away with shopping in the Junior section? Or am I at the age where I need to avoid it like the plague. Because here comes problem #2. I can not stand to wear anything but low-rise jeans. Now, I'm not talking about I bend over and you can see what kind of plumber butt I have. But anything that either hits or comes above my belly button, and I feel like I'm being strangled by a boa constrictor. I've tried to wear mid-rise. Nope. Not happening. Stupid jeans. Then, there is my love of shoes. Oh dear Lord, do I love shoes. It' a problem. I purposely don't go into Off Broadway or DSW unattended. I know horrible things will happen. But I had Kyle with me this weekend, and he allowed it. So off I went. First, shoes are ridiculously priced. Fall boots I adore. The price tags make me cry. So I ALWAYS bee-line for the clearance section of every store. I have damn near never paid full price for any shoes I own. And did I hit the jack-pot! Some absolutely to die for hot pink pumps that made me feel like a million dollars. Black patent heels that I rocked. Boots that actually slimmed my thighs. Red sex kitten heels. All under $40 each. I was in love. And Kyle was going to let me have two pairs. Well, the hot pink ones are awesome, but I don't have anything to wear with them.The black ones are cute, but I always buy black. I need color. The boots are nice, but they are so tight that I couldn't even get skinny jeans in there.Where on earth would I wear those red ones to? I'm not a stripper.Did you see what I did there? Do you realize what I just did? Isn't it just sick?I have issues. So many issues. But one that actually makes me want to punch myself, is when my husband tries to spoil me rotten, and I deny it all. My wonderful husband wanted me to get two pairs of shoes that made me feel good about myself, and I found every reason to NOT get them. Now don't get me wrong, every reason is valid. I can't really see myself wearing red heels on a playdate or hot pink pumps to the supermarket. I have two kids. That I have to chase. I don't run well in heels. As we walked out of the store though, I saw Kyle's face. He was sad. He was disappointed that I wasn't allowing him to spoil me. And I felt horrible. But did I turn around and pick two pairs out? No. I started defending my decision. What if we end up needing that money?I know I need to buy new clothes, but that doesn't mean I'll find anything to go with those shoes. We don't go out very often, and I don't want them to just sit in the closet getting dusty.It was bad. And of course, because of my attitude, the rest of the afternoon was pretty much shot. It sucked. It still sucks. I feel stupid and horrible and mean and just icky inside. I need to work on my wife-esteem. Part of the reason I denied my husband's attempts to spoil me is because I still feel like I don't deserve it. Because I'm not at my target weight yet, I feel like I should buy a whole lot of stuff because (in theory) I won't be able to wear it for very long. So why spend a ton of money on me when we could be spending it on the kids or Kyle? Why me when everyone else needs so much.I know I'm on a dangerous path. This is the beginning of the road to complete desolation of myself. Kyle is proud of me, so I should be proud of me. My husband still thinks I'm hot stuff, so I should feel like hot stuff. My family loves me, so I should love me.It all sounds good in theory, but it's always harder done than said. I know I need to work on my wife-esteem. I need to be okay with Kyle wanting to buy me things I want. No matter what I think. It makes my husband feel good about himself. I need to stop focusing everything I've got on everyone else, and spend at least a little more energy on me. Otherwise, we all know where I'm going to end up. Overweight, stuck in sweatpants, permanent mom ponytail, and no cute shoes.

I am guilty of the very same thing! I thought I was the only one (yeah I know how could I be right...?) My Hubby will tell me to go ahead and treat myself and I think up every reason why I don't deserve it or why it should go to something else. Then he told me one day to get something for me and that was that. I did. I felt awesome. It helped me get out of that "I'm just a mom" thing...I think we all have those days but getting out of them is so freeing. Thanks for sharing yours...PS - go back and get those shoes! Maybe you'll find an outfit later? :D

It is so hard to be nice to ourselves, isn't it!! I can totally relate. The things I say to myself nearly should kill me! I am working on being a little bit nicer and learning to give to myself! Love yourself, as you are You just made a baby and you deserve some loving. :)

Oh, I get this... Completely. Though not yet wifed-up (HA!), I know that my bf gets disappointed when he wants to treat me to something and I won't allow it. My reasons always seem legitimate to me, but I can see the disappointment all over his face. I think so much of that has to do from my own feelings of independence, and wanting to pay things myself, or finding other reasons to spend that money. But if it makes your hubby feel good, and it's something you'd LIKE, why not give in every now and then? And maybe you're not feeling 100% about where you are today, but your husband still thinks you're the cat's meow... and that is a wonderful gift in and of itself :)

Stopping in from SITS sharefest today... hope you're enjoying your weekend (and go back and get those sexy red high heels, momma!!) Turn heads at the playground, because why not ;)

Love this post. Probably the best of all that I read today. I had so much to say as I read through the post but having read it all, all I can say is... feel good about your decision. You just saved a few bucks that you can spend on something else.. something else for yourself.... something that you can use more often... something that would make your husband proud of all the pampering and not just lie in some corner of the house! You are a smart shopper, girl!!

Thank you for linking up with us on Wake-Up Wednesdays. I am Tanya from Kreative Korner, a co-host for the party.
http://tanyaanurag.blogspot.com/

This is such a powerful article! I think women are somehow conditioned to sacrifice themselves in favor of others. Sometimes you have to sacrifice for those you love, but no one is asking you to give up everything about yourself! My husband is also amazing at spoiling me. He never chastises me for doing simple things to make myself happy.

You know, next time your husband wants to spoil you and you don't find what you're looking for, maybe use his generosity in another place. Like, maybe you didn't find shoes you would wear, but can you use that same money for a killer pair of jeans or a really beautiful tunic top?

Don't feel bad- it's all normal what you are feeling. I'm 29 and struggled with the "what section should I be shopping in?" for a loooong time. I think from about 23-28. Now I am certain that I can't shop in Juniors any longer. I've hit that point. Kohl's was always the hardest for me because their Misses clothes are traditional "mom" clothes and I've never felt like an old mom until I shopped in there. LoL!

PREACH!! I know how you feel! I always feel guilty when I spend ANY money on myself...even just a Starbucks because inevitably something will happen and that extra couple of dollars is needed somewhere else! My husband acts the same way and tells me to buy myself stuff. Even for my birthday I couldn't bring myself to spend more than like $20 on things exclusively for me. Sigh

I'm close to your age (26) and I am a mother of two girls. I find the most comfortable jeans (and stylish) at JC Penney. Several brands of skinny jeans that I have found that fit me well is A.N.A. and JC Penney. You'll love the fit of the jeans.

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Maniac Mom

My name is Kristen and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. This is my hysterical journey as a mom of two dealing with life twists and turns while trying to not let my "crazy" get too out of hand. I strive to be a happily depressed mom.Grab a cup of coffee or a shot of vodka and bask in the mania!