Rosalie vs. Lauren: The Epic Battle of the Blondes

Summary: From the moment they first laid eyes on each other, it was war. Both proud, both pretty, and both demanding dominance in the same tiny high school, it was inevitable that they would eventually clash. The thing is, no one expected it to be so vicious.Please Read and Review!!! :D

Notes:
Alrighty guys, this is my first multi-chaptered fan-fiction story ever submitted under the heading 'Twilight.' I hope you guys like it! It is shallow and ditzy and stupid-seeming, but hey, that's comedy right? lol, read and review por favor!

2. Halloween Horror

Halloween, since it became popular, had always been my favorite holiday. There was something about how human it was, how carefree and playful it could be. Therefore, every time October rolled around, I tended to become happier and generally less bitchy. Planning costumes was enough to get me through the monotonous hell that constituted as Forks High School.

Alice, for some unknown reason, decided that I could make every last decision relating costumes this year. Usually she asked to have input for her and Jasper's, but this year she gave me free reign. I certainly didn't mind, it would keep me all the busier. And busy, with my life, was a very good thing to be.

"Just nothing that will make Jasper upset," had been her only warning. I had grinned, because that was something I could easily work with. If it made Alice happy, Jasper wasn't upset. Piece of cake.

Edward had tried to set boundaries with Halloween, but I ignored his rules. He just didn't want to have fun, and who cared what he thought? I'd have the girls drooling for him, and he'd get over his moroseness for a whole four hours Friday evening.

The Halloween dance was going to be fun. I would make sure of it.

The only thing that I could see getting in the way would be the stupid freshmen clique that was determined to overrule the school, headed by the obnoxious and snobby Lauren Mallory. They considered us Cullens ‘weird' and ‘snotty', but they couldn't seem to get anyone else to think the same thing. We were, after all, beautiful, immortal, sentient beings. Who could resist us?

And even Lauren harbored a little crush on Jasper. Well, ‘little' was a bit of an understatement. She was full-blown obsessed according to Edward, which irked Alice to no end. Although she didn't feel threatened by the human, she did get irritated that anyone else thought of Jasper that way. My poor sister clearly didn't realize she had married a gorgeous hottie.

Oh well. Lauren Mallory or not, I would only intimidate her more once she saw the costumes I had for Halloween.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Let me get this straight," Jasper glared at me, "we have a costume for today at school, and then a different costume for the stupid dance tonight?"

"Yep," I grinned at him, "and you will follow through with it, Jasper Whitlock."

My family was gathered in a circle around me in the living room, awaiting me to deliver their costumes so we could head off to school. Of course classes didn't start for a good three hours, but some of the costumes would take a while to make perfect. Alice's make up, for instance, would take at least an hour and a half.

"Will I look hot?" Emmett wondered, staring at the bulky bag I carried in my arms.

"Of course," I rolled my eyes, "I wouldn't let you be my date if you didn't."

Edward chuckled, "Even though you're married multiple times?"

I shot Edward a look, "I can change my mind about the merciful costume I'm having you wear if you don't shut up."

He closed his mouth.

I smiled, and looked back at my family, "All couples have themes that go together. Edward, who should be thanking me for being so kind to him, will be going by himself in a costume fit for a bachelor."

A look of horror crossed his face, but he kept his mouth shut. He knew what was good for him.

"Alright, first up, Carlisle and Esme," I turned towards my parents. Esme looked wary, but Carlisle looked completely at ease. He had no problem dressing up for the hospital staff Halloween party, whereas his wife was a little nervous. She still worried what people thought of her.

Alice clapped her hands excitedly as I pulled out a light gray suit for Carlisle and a beautiful, summery white dress for Esme. She would look very beautiful and of-the-time-era, with her wavy hair and rosy lips. Carlisle would fit as the perfect prince charming, blonde hair and all.

The dress and suit were authentic as well, both made in the late eighteen-hundreds. I had personally stitched some of the lace on Esme's dress, and added the silky blue sash. Most of it, though, came from the time period - a feat that I was very proud of.

I apparently got it right. A smile was lighting up Esme's entire face.

"Alright Edward, your turn," I grinned at him, hoping that I looked menacing. I wanted him to be afraid of me. Teach him right to sneak into my mind and try to find out what he was wearing.

"I'm not afraid," he snapped automatically, responding to the thoughts in my head. I just rolled my eyes and pulled out my Edward-costume out of the bag.

Silence.

"Are you kidding me?" Edward stared in disbelief at the slightly over-the-top costume.

"Nope," I grinned and laid it out on the floor so everyone could see clearly, "the girls will be drooling Edward."

"You're a genius, Rosalie," Alice breathed, staring at it on the floor.

The costume consisted of a pair of loose black pants tucked into knee-high leather boots. The white frilly shirt hung open, with no buttons or strings so that Edward could hide his muscular chest. A red embroidered vest, antique sword sheath and sword, and battered looking pirate's hat topped it off. He would be gorgeous.

"I could have made you a playgirl bunny," my tone was warning.

He picked it up off the floor at once, "Thanks, Rosalie for being such a, um, wonderful sister. You're amazing, perfect, genius, the whole deal. I'm going to go, uh, change now."

He disappeared up the stairs in his haste to escape from me.

"Alright, Alice and Jasper," I smiled, satisfied in what I had done to Edward. I had won.

"Let me see! Let me see!" She jumped up and down, excited.

I grinned, "Jasper first."

He watched warily as I pulled out navy blue, baggy pants, black boots, and a silky-loose turquoise tunic. "What's with the colors?" Emmett asked, furrowing his brow.

"Shh," I hushed him, and then pulled out Alice's incredibly complex, intricate dress. It was a blue/green corset, with silk ribbons that criss-crossed over the entire slim bodice. Tiny sapphires lined the stitching, hopefully accentuating her tiny waist. The skirt was barely four inches of fabric, intended to float around her as if she was half-submerged in water. The whole thing would be topped off by turquoise and blue makeup, and a pair of adorable green pumps.

"Nope," I said smugly, "you guys will be the hottest water nymph/water god combo ever to walk this earth."

Alice jumped at me, squealing excitedly, "Thank you, thank you, thank you Rosalie! You did better than I ever could!"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah right. Now go change, I want to see you."

In a movement so fast I almost missed it, she scooped up their clothes and hurried Jasper up the stairs, her excitement infectious. I smirked, and turned back to Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme.

"Can I see now?" Emmett whined.

"Wait until Alice and Jasper come back," I lounged against the wall, enjoying the fact that I could drag this out, "I want to see their reactions."

"Fine," he pouted and went to sit next to Esme on the couch, who was casually brushing her silky hair. She looked like a model straight from the early nineteen-hundreds, small and classic.

Alice came hurtling down the stairs again in record time, dressed in her costume instead of her sweatpants. It looked perfect on her, of course, causing even Jasper to loose his cool a little bit. He walked down the stairs slowly after her, drinking her in and not even realizing how great he looked himself. The idiot.

"You are amazing Rosalie!" Alice gushed, twirling around in her water nymph attire, "how on earth could you have known?"

I shrugged, "I'm great like that."

"Now can I see mine?" Emmett's voice pleaded from the couch.

Alice stopped very quickly. "Yeah, Rosalie, where's yours?"

I bit my lip, and then looked down at the bag. Should I unveil my genius now, or wait until later just to torture Emmett and Alice?

No, I was too impatient. It would have to be now.

"Alright Emmett, here you go," I winked at him and reached inside the bag, making a show of bending over. I heard Esme choke slightly, but ignored her. She knew this was how I behaved every single day.

And then I pulled out . . . a football helmet.

"YES!" Emmett pumped his fist in the air, "I'm gonna be a jock!"

He ran over, grabbed the helmet out of my hands, and jammed it on his head. It was navy blue and white, with the number 69 painted on both sides. Shaking my head in amusement, I pulled out his white, skin-tight pants, cleats, shoulder pads, and navy-blue and white jersey with McCarty embroidered on the back. Only my family would get that joke, of course.

"And you are . . ." Alice bounced up and down in anticipation as Emmett disappeared for a second, and then reappeared wearing his entire costume. He bounced around like an idiot, looking bigger and sexier than any football player I'd ever seen. What a hunk.

I watched him for a second, allowing myself to be just a hint smug, before returning my attention to Alice.

"I'm a cheerleader, of course," I winked and pulled out the navy blue and white short, short skirt, long-sleeved, skin-tight sweater, and hair ribbon, "I figured if I was going to be cliché, might as well do it thoroughly."

"Wait - I'm the jock and I scored the hottest cheerleader?" Emmett paused from his antics, "sweet!"

Alice smiled, threw the clothes in my arms, and pushed me towards the stairs, "Go get changed, and then we have to do Esme's hair and make up."

I grabbed Emmett's hand and yanked him up the stairs with me, determined to make some good use out of his football helmet before we had to go to school . . .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Watch out Jasper, Yorkie's thinking some nasty things about your wife," Edward smirked as we sat at our lunch table, glancing at the greasy-haired chess player. "He's been having said thoughts since he saw her this morning in Spanish."

"Blonde human girls," Alice corrected herself, flashing a brilliant smile at me, "like the Jasmine rip-off over there who just decided to strangle you with your hair ribbon, Rose."

I looked at Lauren Mallory, who was indeed dressed up as Jasmine from Aladdin. She had the transparent turquoise pants, revealing tight boy shorts, and a teeny bikini-top. Her face was contorted in anger as she glared at me, for some reason I couldn't quite identify. I hadn't done anything to her today yet, had I?

Alice read my mind, "Tyler just said that you were the hottest cheerleader he's ever seen. And he wants Lauren to try out next year so that she can look like you."

I snorted, "She doesn't have a chance in hell."

The truth was, my cheerleading outfit was made (by me) specifically to make me look a million times better than I usually did. The skirt barely covered my ass, the sweater was so tight it probably could have been illegal, and the knee-high socks only added to the naughty element. My hair added a youthful innocence to the whole thing, up in it's high ponytail with a peppy ribbon. A winning look, if I did say so myself.

Edward rolled his eyes, "She hates you, Rosalie. She thinks you've taken her rule as Queen Bee and that you're too stuck up for your own good. You're also a shallow, superficial, unintelligent cow . . . supposedly."

Emmett growled, "That's not very nice."

I shrugged, "She's just jealous. I'll show her up again tonight, pay her back for being such a cow this past semester."

Jasper coughed, "Can I help?"

"Me too!" Alice curled closer to Jasper, "I don't like her making all these decisions to pounce my husband."

I bit back a smile as Jasper visibly cringed.

Edward, although the most detached of all of us, had a sympathetic streak, "Don't be too hard on her. She's just mad that Jasper's taken and her current date likes you better than her."

I glanced at Tyler Crowley, and then scoffed, "He's pathetic. And I'm married."

"As am I," Jasper shook his head in disgust, "the silly, delusional girl."

"She doesn't know that," Emmett stated the obvious, "but she is annoying. She should just accept that Rose is a million times better than her."

Edward made a face, but didn't say anything else. He apparently had no argument for that one.

Lauren's voice suddenly carried across the cafeteria, "I mean seriously, what a slut! Do you see what she's wearing? It's like she's just asking for it. How pathetic."

I stiffened, knowing immediately that she was talking about me, and that she wanted me to hear it.

The rest of my family fell quiet as they listened to her obnoxious voice, "She's always so snobby, and thinks she's above all of us. One day she's going to open her eyes and realize no one actually likes her, and she's not that pretty after all. I means seriously, who wants to be that tall?"

I watched with narrowed eyes as she shook her head sadly, "I just feel sorry for her. She obviously doesn't understand that nobody likes her."

Jessica agreed with her, "She doesn't even talk to us, she's such a snot."

"Maybe she's just shy," a quiet, kind voice suggested, "or maybe she's uncomfortable about being at a new school."

As nice as the words spoken just were, I still had to suppress a growl. I wasn't shy!

Jasper looked at me curiously as I stood from the table, him being the only other one who didn't know what I was about to do. I felt a little sorry for him, because I knew this would make his life hell, but he'd deal with it. Lauren's crush was something I could use to my advantage later on.

I made sure to swing my hips alluringly as I walked towards their table, making immediate eye contact with Mike and Tyler. They both just stared at me, frozen in shock.

This would be easy.

"Tyler, what the hell?" Lauren fumed. She whipped around to see what her date was staring at, and nearly fainted in shock.

I smiled slightly and came to a stop at the end of their table, cocking my hip and placing a hand on it. "Hey boys," I said silkily, not breaking eye contact. They would not be able to resist me.

"What do you want?" Lauren snapped at me, her cheeks tinged pink.

I ignored her, and spoke only to Tyler and Mike, "So I heard you two boys were single, and I was wondering . . ."

"As good as," I continued, hardly noticing their interruption, "so I was wondering if you two would like to save a dance for me tonight. I'd love to know you better."

They were silent. Shock was etched on both their faces.

"You see," I slowly moved around the table, my fingernails trailing lightly on Lauren's stiff back. "I've heard that you two weren't very . . . oh how to say it, satisfied with your respective choices. Icould help you out."

I leaned over Tyler's shoulder, noting his entire body was rigid. I lowered my voice as to seem especially alluring, "You know you want to say yes. I can tell, Tyler, I know you."

Lauren was so tense beside me, I could have coughed on her and she would have fallen over. I continued murmuring in Tyler's ear though, loud enough so she could hear every single Halloween-ruining word, "Forget about her, Tyler. You have the chance of a lifetime, and I'll only offer this once. Take what I'm giving you."

He exhaled shakily.

"Say yes, Tyler," I whispered seductively, "I'm right here, waiting."

"Ye - Yes," he stammered, my influence smothering him, "please."

I smiled, and making sure Lauren could see, kissed him lightly on the corner of his mouth, "See you there."

"Good," I flashed a beaming smile at them both, and then turned to Lauren. I made my face seem sympathetic, "Sorry, Lauren. Guess you'll be going alone."

She closed her eyes, too angry to even breathe.

"See you all later," I giggled, and glided out of the cafeteria.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It wasn't that I didn't like Edward's Vanquish. Seriously, I adored the thing. It was just that this was my night and I wanted to use my car. Was it really too much to ask?

"C'mon Edward, quit being stubborn and just go with it," Carlisle winked at him from the stairs, "you'll have your chance one day."

Edward folded his arms, his eyes narrowed at me. The effect was slightly ruined by the crown perched on top of his head and the crimson cape flowing from his shoulders. He just looked too much like a snotty prince for his own good.

But then again, that's what his costume was meant to be. Perhaps he should wear the bratty scowl all night. . .

"I'm not bratty," Edward growled under his breath.

Emmett had to cough to hide his laugh.

I raised an eyebrow, "I am, and I'm proud of it. Now get in the M3 or you're walking."

"Can I just not go?" he muttered under his breath, shooting a quick glare at my beloved red convertible.

"Nope," I smiled cheerfully at him as Alice and Jasper slipped out of the house and into the backseat of my car, "because I will personally destroy your Vanquish."

He looked very much like he wanted to hit me for a moment, but then shrugged off his anger. "Fine," his voice was cool and flat, "but I will hate every minute of this."

"Good," I opened the driver's seat of the car, "teach you to quit being such a snot half the time."

Emmett chuckled as he slid into the passenger seat, not bothering to hide it this time. Edward just ground his teeth and slid in next to Alice, glaring angrily out his window. The poor guy obviously was not in the mood for my antagonizing today.

I pulled out of the garage and began flying down the drive, not bothering to monitor my speed. I had given up that particular habit years ago.

Jasper's voice came smoothly from the back seat, "Are you actually going to go through with the dances you owe Crowley and Newton, Rosalie?"

I grinned at him through the rearview mirror, "Of course."

Emmett huffed slightly in his seat, "I don't like that."

I shot him a look, "You know none of its for real. I'm just doing this to get that Mallory girl out of my hair. Two little dances and then you'll have me for the rest of the night."

"And hopefully a little longer," Emmett looked me up and down as I drove, "maybe the rest of the week in a place secluded, away from annoying siblings?"

The headlights flashed on the highway as we sped towards the High School, a respectable twenty minutes late. Alice murmured something so quiet, so swift to Jasper that I couldn't hear, and then looked up at me, "If Lauren jumps Jasper tonight, we're blaming you."

I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

Jasper glanced at me in disgust, "You find amusement in this?"

"Sure," I grinned cheekily at him, "and if you were in my place, you would too."

I turned sharply into the parking lot of Forks High School, and nearly flew into the nearest parking spot with perfect precision. Then, making sure no other cars were near mine, I cut the engine and slid out of the car.

"By the way, Jasper," I winked at him as he slipped out of the car, "you look hot. Lauren won't stand a chance."

He shot a warning look at me as Alice's hand found his, but he didn't say anything. He simply couldn't argue.

Alice and Jasper's costume theme for the evening was winter. I had thought of Alice as a little ice fairy, complete with crystalline-spun wings and diamond stilettos with ribbons that wound all the way up her legs. Her dress was white, short, and embedded with all sorts of glittering white crystals and embroidered with lace. A tiny silver tiara rested atop her spiky hair.

Jasper was her ice prince, with a white tunic, white baggy pants, and a silvery cape. His boots were silver, along with his belt. The only thing I had agreed to let him not wear was the crown, which he had shot down the second I had pulled it out of my bag. The reason I let that one slide was because, with the crown, he looked too much like Edward for my liking.

I looked my husband up and down, from his gold, armor-clad chest to his Greek sandals. The gold circlet resting atop his black curls made him look just like Paris, from Greek mythology. He was perfect.

I smiled, and took one confident step forward, "I'm ready, I'm gorgeous, and my date's a hunk. Let's go."

"As you wish, my lady Helen of Troy," he bowed and offered his arm.

I giggled, took his arm, and followed Alice and Jasper towards the school. Edward trailed behind us, appropriately bored and haughty looking. Whether he knew it or not, he was acting the part brilliantly.

"Tickets?" an old woman sitting at a card table just inside the doors asked. She glanced up as Alice handed her five tickets, and did a double take. I could feel her shocked gaze on us until we turned the corner towards the gym.

Alice stuck her tongue out at Edward, and clung even more protectively to her husband's arm. I held back a laugh at her defensive behavior.

Emmett opened the orange gym door for me, and bowed as I passed. I giggled and pulled him after me, wanting my entrance to involve my drop-dead-gorgeous husband. It'd make me look better.

I paused and looked around at the gym, noting quite quickly the cheesy Halloween banners and streamers hanging from the ceiling. The lighting was dimmer than usual, and there was a stage constructed on one side. A senior named Will was acting as the DJ, blasting radio-friendly, pop music. He bobbed his head to the beat, trying to act like a professionally hired man.

Already the gym was full, thanks to the fact that people in this town had nothing better to do than get to dances ridiculously early. Most people were too afraid to actually dance yet though, and were clumped in nervous groups along the edges of the gym. Lauren's freshman troupe was dancing in an awkward, arms-only fashion, but I ignored them. Instead, my eyes zeroed in on Lauren's costume.

Oh. No. She. Didn't.

Her revealing white dress was held up by gold coins, her feet entangled by gold stilettos. Her hair was done up in elaborate ringlets, trailing lightly down her back. Her eyes were done with smoky black make up, and her lips were a vivid red. Overall, probably the prettiest I'd ever seen her.

But she stole my idea.

I was supposed to be the Greek beauty of the evening, as Helen of Troy. Or, I guess Trojan beauty would be more accurate, considering she ran away with the Trojan Paris. But still, she was not allowed to have a costume anything closeto mine! It was so unfair!

Our costumes were just too similar to even be funny. I was wearing a slinky silver dress, with a plunging v-neck and a thigh-high slit. Tiny silver strings that criss-crossed across my bare back, and then wound around my waist held it up. I had silver, six-inch stilettos, and my hair was done up in golden ringlets that fell far past my shoulders.

"Aphrodite," Edward chuckled, "the most beautiful goddess in Greek Mythology."

Goddess. She was the most beautiful goddess while I was just the most beautiful woman. The nerve of her! To actually think up a costume better than mine!

I mean, couldn't she have just been a princess? A fairy? A mermaid? Why did she have to pick something better than me? I was supposed to be the most beautiful, most alluring female at this school and then this girl goes and ruins it for me. What a cow.

I was far prettier than her in real life.

"That was shallow, Rosalie," Edward frowned, "there are other, more important things in this world."

I glared at him, "Go make out with Jessica, I have a life to ruin."

And with that I let go of Emmett's hand and marched across the dance floor towards Tyler Crowley.

Lauren's eyes followed me as I walked right up to her, shot her a glare, and then turned to Tyler, who was standing right next to her. I smiled at him, and said in a strong, alluring voice, "Hey, Tyler. Nice costume. How did you know you'd match me?"

He just gaped at me.

Lauren was quick to retort, "He didn't come for you. He came for me. He's not going to dance with you, he promised."

I pouted slightly and looked at Tyler through my lashes, "Is that true, Tyler? You wouldn't save one little dance for me?"

He was still incapable of speech. Stupid boy.

"What are you supposed to be anyway?" She scowled at me, "a Lauren rip-off?"

I laughed loudly, the sound filling the gym, "Ah, Lauren darling, you are so funny. To think I'd actually stoop low enough to wear something similar to you on purpose!"

A pink blush appeared faintly on her cheeks as she snapped, "Well what do you call your outfit then?"

"I'm Helen of Troy," I shrugged, my eyes cold, "the most beautiful woman in the history of the world."

"Well I'm Aphrodite," she drew herself up proudly, "the most beautiful Goddess ever."

"Oh?" I rolled my eyes, uninterested.

"Beat. That," she savored each word, her eyes glinting with victory.

Inwardly, I was a little surprised. She was ready to declare war that easily, and that early? Well . . . so be it. I'd win anyway.

Outwardly, I winked at her, "Watch me."

I turned back to Tyler, only to find his eyes fixed very firmly on my chest. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes, and reached for his hands, "Come with me," I murmured in his ear, keeping my eyes on Lauren, "lets get this party started."

Predictably, Tyler was too busy ogling to move. I half dragged him over to where Jessica and Mike were. Lauren trailed behind, practically spitting fire.

"Hey Mike," I said seductively as I entwined his fingers with my own, "ready for that dance?"

He stammered. Jessica turned bright red, and her hands clenched into fists.

Tyler pulled his arm away from her, and moved closer to me in a daze. I smirked, "I think I just did. So sorry."

I spent the next fifteen minutes dancing in a too-naughty-for-high school way with both Mike and Tyler. Jessica and Lauren had no choice but to stand by the wall, their arms folded and their faces set like bulldogs. Lauren in particular looked ready to rip my hair out. I wasn't fazed - she was a silly, stupid human.

Finally, when Emmett looked ready to come over and claim me, I gently led the two dizzy, breathless boys to Lauren.

"Here you go," I said dismissively, "pathetic the both of them - can't you do better? I'm going to go back to my real man - not some lame freshman."

She gaped at me, her face bright red with fury and unconcealed hate. Tyler swayed, and accidentally tripped over her feet.

I blew her a kiss, "Ta ta!"

Bitch I added in my mind. And then I sauntered back to Emmett, who was waiting hungrily to twirl me around like Jasper was doing to Alice.