I have been known to come up with some pretty insane ideas. I seem to yank them out of thin air and use them to clobber Ian over the head.

They range from the mundane “I need to get out of this house right now. Pack up the kids and your old person armor, we are going out to dinner at a nice restaurant (so what if it’s 430pm),” to the fantastic “Do you want to go to Hawaii…yes? Great, we leave in 6 days.” Some of them require a lot of faith, “I am going to open a yoga studio with all of the money I have ever saved,” and some of them he knows will never ever happen, “I want to throw away my entire wardrobe.”

After seven years of marriage, I have learned two things.

1) despite how well these ideas always turn out (not a single regret in the lot), my husband doesn’t like them. They are drastic, spontaneous and generally cause a lot of chaos. Ian, the even keeled, consistent and drama free only child, requires a lot of thought, planning and research to even consider a new idea, and even then, if it is going to require that much work, shouldn’t we just sit on the couch and watch football? “It’s Sunday for chrissake,” is what his face always says to me.

and 2) I am nuts.

#2 became evident to me only when I presented Larry with my latest idea. “We need to change Gavin’s middle name.”

The fact that he didn’t laugh or explode with rage at the idea that we need to legally change the name of our 2 and 1/2 year old tells me that he has also learned a lot over seven years of marriage. Instead, he begins peppering me with questions.

“Doesn’t that requiring going in front of a judge?”

Ok, doctors, the idea is alive. Work fast!

“It will give me the opportunity to pretend I am a real lawyer.”

Gug-gong

“What about his fancy Pottery Barn chair?”

“I’ll get a new slipcover.”

Heart rate increasing. Gug-gong, gug-gong.

“Won’t our family think we are crazy?”

“We won’t tell them, it’s just his middle name.” Eye roll.

Oh no, I’m losing him. Hurry, think of something good.

“Your grandparents changed your mom’s middle name after she was born.”

Genius. And true. Gug-gong, gug-gong.

Now I know what question is coming next and I tense just a little. My own heartrate picks up.