Me: Hi Julie, so I came by the Recorder’s office today because I want to get a marriage license. For myself and my lawnmower.

Haggerty: Ok, the answer to that would be no. First of all – well, I should back up a bit and say how old is your lawnmower?

Me: Maybe six or seven years.

Haggerty: You have to be 18 years old to get a marriage license. And the other person, the other party needs to be able to sign a contract, has to have a government ID, and has to be able to have a witness who says they can enter into a contract. So I think on those counts alone you can’t marry your lawnmower.

Me: Now is it because I’m already married to a woman? Would I have to divorce her first? With the stuff Steve King is saying, it seems like everything is fair game now.

Haggerty: See, I should probably have asked that question first, are you married? Because if you’re still married, obviously you can’t enter into a contract.

Me: Ok, so no marriage with my lawnmower?

Haggerty: No marriage because you’re married, and no marriage with a lawnmower because it’s an inanimate object. You cannot marry a lawnmower.

Former president Bill Clinton had a private telephone conversation in late spring with Donald Trump at the same time that the billionaire investor and reality-television star was nearing a decision to run for the White House, according to associates of both men.

Four Trump allies and one Clinton associate familiar with the exchange said that Clinton encouraged Trump’s efforts to play a larger role in the Republican Party and offered his own views of the political landscape.
[…]
Clinton aides declined to speak on the record about the call, saying the conversation was personal.

“Mr. Trump reached out to President Clinton a few times. President Clinton returned his call in late May,” a Clinton employee said. “While we don’t make it a practice to discuss the president’s private conversations, we can tell you that the presidential race was not discussed.”

It turns out the gunshots Tuesday and Wednesday outside Camp Shelby, a special forces training base that is hosting parts of Operation JADE HELM 15, may not have been gunshots after all:

On edge after a gunman attacked military members in Chattanooga, Tennessee, authorities began looking for a maroon pickup truck that the soldiers described from the Tuesday incident. They found it late Wednesday morning when Alfred Baria Sr. drove past officers on a state highway just south of New Augusta.

The Mississippi Bureau of Investigation took him into custody at gunpoint, with officials calling a bomb squad into sparsely populated Perry County east of Hattiesburg to investigate plastic pipes and other items they found in the truck.

But the 61-year-old Baria told authorities that it wasn’t gunshots at all, just the backfiring of his battered Isuzu. That’s a story backed up by his son in an interview Wednesday evening with The Associated Press. Alfred Baria Jr. said his dad’s pickup backfires loudly every time someone shifts gears and steps on the gas.

Baria and his son say the plastic pipes found in the pickup were plumbing for their backyard auto shop, and the collection of plastic pipes with sealed ends in their garage are used to store auto parts. Not bomb stuff. Nosiree.

But Baria is still in trouble, because as a convicted felon he’s not allowed to possess a firearm. His son says the rifle and pistol were his and he didn’t know dad couldn’t be around them. Uh huh.

1 Comment

winterbanyan
on August 6, 2015 at 8:33 am

Well, that was a complete bag of mixed nuts. The lawnmower story was cute and quite pointed.

As for whether Trump is a stalking horse for Clinton… yeah, right. The guy’s ego is far too big. In fact, from the sound of it, Trump called Clinton several times before Bill called him back. Weird, that. With Hillary running would Trump really expect good advice from Bill? If so, he’s dumber than the box of rocks I’ve always thought him.

I’m glad they caught the guy who caused all the consternation at Camp Shelby. I’m sure they’ll test whether his truck really does backfire like that. Regardless… Well, the other story was even more frightening. This crap needs to stop.