Case Number 08862: Small Claims Court

The Simple Life 3: Interns

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All Rise...

For the last time (we think), Judge Brett Cullum expresses his inexplicable love for this godawful TV show.

The Charge

Paris Hilton: Hello, ladies, do you know about polar bears? Old Ladies:
A little. Paris: This one's name is Magnet, and he's a hermaphrodite from
Africa. Nicole: He's homosexual. Paris: He's 75 years old.
Nicole: And he likes to f*** a lot. Paris Hilton: Do you want to throw
some fish?

The Case

Is it possible America's love affair with Paris Hilton (non-fiction author
and House of Wax star) and Nicole
Richie (fiction author and daughter of Lionel) is waning? The first season of
The Simple Life was a surprise ratings hit, wherein the two gal pals went
to live on a farm with a genuinely nice family in Arkansas. In some strange act
of fate, Paris (who is related to the Gabors) was reinventing Green Acres
for a new generation. The inevitable second season had them touring cross
country in a pink pickup truck doing odd jobs to get money for gas to make it
back to Beverly Hills. Now we have the third season, where the blondes have to
intern at various businesses in the Northeast while traveling by Greyhound bus.
The show remained watchable and funny, but the ratings weren't as high. Still, a
fourth season seemed likely until a string of events poured salt on the wounded
show.

The word was out: The Simple Life was a manufactured reality show
from the start. Both girls admitted they were playing "characters" on
talk show interviews, and often had the best lines and antics fed to them by
producers. Then I Want to be a Hilton debuted, with Paris's mom Kathy
showing the world she was a classy, down-to-earth lady. Paris made quite a few
cameos on the show, and was surprisingly reserved and respectful in comparison
to her Simple Life persona. It was suddenly hard to buy the act that
Paris would have no social graces when she had a mom who was so well-mannered
and empathetic. The relationship between Paris and Nicole became strained over
the course of the third season, too. Several events led them to hate each other,
including a rumored impromptu screening of Paris's sex tape, arranged by Nicole,
with Paris in attendance thinking it was a viewing of her stint as a host on
Saturday Night Live. Whatever the reason really was, they had no
interest in reuniting for another season. Meanwhile, a failed engagement rocked
Hilton's world, and an eating disorder revelation followed Richie. Cable channel
E! has decided to try a new batch of episodes, with the girls on separate
adventures to get around the feuding stars. We'll see how it works.

Surprisingly, the third season of The Simple Life remains as funny as
the first two runs of the show. Despite obvious setups, the girls are gleefully
inept at any task assigned to them. The formula remains from the second season:
meet an unfortunate host family; watch them bond with the girls. They go to work
and screw things up, and then do something sweet but misguided for their new
acquaintances. The only thing new in this season are the bus trips, provided by
Greyhound. The girls remain charmingly spoiled, air-headed, bitchy, and bratty.
The cool thing about them is they have a sense of humor about themselves, and
show a sweet side in every episode. I loved their working at a television
station, giggled through the plastic surgery antics, and laughed out loud during
their stint as daycare attendants, zookeepers, and airline stewardesses. The
disrespect shown in the funeral parlor seemed a bit much, but thankfully there's
a disclaimer stating no remains were harmed.

The Simple Life 3: Interns collects sixteen episodes, spread across
two double-sided flipper discs. The presentation is ironically simplistic, with
a fullscreen transfer accompanied by a basic stereo track. The show looks
slightly soft, and the censor bleeps are still in place. The menus are static
with no music or animation, and there are no extras like the ones on previous
releases of the show. Luckily, we do get each twenty-minute episode divided into
four chapters, so you can skip around easily inside an episode. The package
isn't quite as impressive overall as the other two releases, but it's fine for
fans.

I still love Paris and Nicole, even if their popularity is waning and they
don't like each other anymore. We at least have three seasons of sexy, silly
fun, but all good things must come to an end. It's time for the girls to grow up
a little, and decide what's next in their respective careers. Paris has been
working on an album with ex-Go Go Jane Wiedlin. Richie is back together with her
deejay boyfriend, and has just published a fictional story about the daughter of
a rock icon who struggles with wealth and fame. At least The Simple Life
didn't overstay its welcome, and will go down easy in syndication airings or on
DVD. It's hot, sexy, and I love it.