World Leaders Beg Obama to Stop Saying World is Safer Now

EUROPE – Leaders from all over Europe have sent a statement to President Obama, asking him to please, please, please stop trying to reassure the public that the world is safer now than before he took office. It seems every time Mr. Obama opens his delusional mouth, within hours, a terror attack takes place somewhere in the world.

“If we could just get him to shut the hell up,” France’s President Hollande said. “I mean, it’s getting to be like clockwork. He speaks optimistically about how wonderful things are, and the next thing you know bullets start flying.”

Some leaders are concerned at the recurrence of the phenomenon, likening Obama’s positive comments to a dog whistle for terrorists worldwide. “This has happened too many times in the last couple of years for it to be a coincidence,” said Germany’s Chancellor Merkel, whose country suffered a terror attack just today.

“I know he likes to hear himself speak, and share his superior thoughts with everybody,” Merkel continued, “But he’s really not helping. I wish he would stuff a sock in it!”