So i haven’t really thought seriously about my name change up until like last week when our JP sent us a sample ceremony script and plugged our names in, It made me really.

I always did think that there was no way i’m changing my last name. My last name means alot to me, it’s part of my heritage, and the struggles of my ancestors, and i’m very into my family history. I really can’t fathom changing my last name.

we talked about it a couple times before briefly, and i kinda threw it out there that i wanted to keep my last name, and he got really really upset. He doesn’t understand my view about it.

I also really don’t like the idea of the hyphenated last names.

so now, i have to sit down and have a serious talk with him about me keeping my last name.

So who here is keeping their last name, and only theirs and how did he feel about it??

I’m keeping my last name. I went through the concepts of bumping my maiden name to my middle, using it as a second middle name, hypenation and a double barrelled last name. None of them were really viable for me. When I talked to FI about it he was 100% fine with me keeping my last name. If he were to tell me he was really upset about my keeping MY name with it I probably would have told him to F-off. He should have no say in what you choose to use as your name.

@RockStar33: Sorry, that probably came across as really harsh, lol. When I said I wouldn’t deal with it, I don’t mean I’d leave him or anything crazy, just that he can’t make me change my name if I don’t want to. I struggled with it because part of me wants to follow that tradition, but I’m actually Chinese and Chinese women don’t typically change their names when they get married. My name is a big part of my identity and I see no reason why I should give it up. Have you asked him why he wants you to change your name? I hope the reason is a good one for him to be making such a fuss.

I also insisted that a fair comprimise would be that we both change our last name, and my Fi got pretty upset and was vehemently opposed to it. The next day when we cooled down I told him the way you feel about you changing your last name is the same why I feel, being a women doesn’t make it easier or different in my view. I like my last name and I have zero intention of changing it. At the end of the day it’s going to have little to no effect on your life and a big effect on mine.

I’m also not comfortable with taking my FI’s last name. I like my last name – I’ve had it my whole life and it links me to my own family and I don’t think that takes away from how much I love my FI. I do want to somehow unify us, though, so we recently decided that we will probably make his last name my middle name, as I don’t already have a middle name and his last name sounds perfect for a girl’s middle name. When I suggested this, he said it would be less hassle to just keep my last name. Other people have also suggested taking your FI’s last name as your unofficial last name. Call yourselves Mr and Mrs X but keep your own last name on official documents. I hope you manage to come to a happy solution!

I honestly think its manipulative to say if you love me you change your name and i be pissed if my Fi even attempt to go down that road. He did the whole it’s disrespectful to me thing, but was unable to bring up one way in which it was rude and disrespectful to him.

well we didn’t really talk about it in depth yet… but when i casually mentioned it those couple times, he just got upset… he never said anything along the lines “if you love me you’ll change your last name”. But now i’m ready to seriously talk to him about it tonight.