Dogs take woman's place in man's affections as well as in bed

DEAR ABBY: I love dogs, but they're ruining my marriage. "Ivan" and I have been together 12 years, married for five. Six years ago, he had to put his aged, sickly pointer, "Sergeant," to sleep.

Two years ago, I began suggesting that we get another dog. I felt Ivan had mourned Sergeant long enough, and it was time for another. We found a lovely King Charles spaniel that we named Lili. We spent a lot of fun time with her that spring and summer, then thought a playmate might be good company for her during the day while we were at work. We found Branford, another spaniel.

At night we'd put both dogs in the kitchen, tell them goodnight, put up a gate and go to bed. But Branford would cry. I told Ivan he'd stop eventually, but Ivan couldn't just leave him, so he began bringing the two dogs into our bedroom and allowing them to sleep at the foot of our bed. I have pleaded with Ivan to return them downstairs, but he won't consider it.

Guess where they're sleeping today? IN the bed. Guess where I'm sleeping? On the couch downstairs.

We haven't been out on a date since the dogs arrived. We don't go out with friends because we must be back by 10 p.m. — the dogs' bedtime, and Ivan's, too, of course. He is oblivious to me from the time he goes to bed with the dogs. We haven't had sex in a year.

Everything is about the dogs. He even prepares their meals from scratch each day — boiled chicken with rice, peas and carrots. He says: "I told you I get attached to dogs. You said you wanted them; this is what you have to deal with." I am at my breaking point. Help!

— ONLY HIS WIFE IN WILMINGTON

DEAR WIFE: I'm sorry to say this, but the dogs aren't your problem; they're only a symptom. Your husband has turned them into a buffer. When a man would rather sleep with his dogs than his wife and "forgets" about sex for a year, something is wrong with the marriage.

You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter. So start looking for a licensed marriage counselor. If your husband won't go with you, go alone. Something tells me you're going to need all the emotional support you can get, because your marriage has gone to the bowwows.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a party at my parents' house. During dinner, one of the guests' cell phone went off, twice! He answered it both times and held lengthy conversations, and all the while my father was "shushing" the rest of us. I think both were remarkably rude.

My father believes that telephone calls take precedence over everything else, and that the guest "had" to answer his phone and that WE would have been rude to continue talking while he was on the phone.

Anything you can say to change his mind?

— NOT WILD ABOUT PHONES

DEAR NOT WILD: It depends upon how stubborn a person your father is. Good manners dictate that when someone is attending a dinner party, his/her cell phone be turned off so conversation at the table isn't interrupted. If that's not possible, then rather than imposing on everyone else, the call recipient should leave the table and talk privately with the caller.

For the host to insist that everyone at the table remain silent for the duration of the conversation was rude to the other guests, and must have put a real damper on the party.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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