I’m madder than a Irishman without cabbage in his pants about Americans celebrating St. Patrick’s Day!

I still hate the Irish!

Why do we let these red-headed, ruddy-faced, potato-eating Paddy-lovers take over our city streets every March 17th?! These Blarney-tards get wasted, wear plaid skirts with no underwear and swing shillelaghs every other day of the year – why do they need another day to hop around in bowler hats.

And they don’t need a parade to direct them to the nearest bar. They can find a pub on their own – it’s usually where they live.

Everybody knows the Irish are some of the dumbest people on earth – they don’t even know you can use your arms when you dance! They think staring at a four-leafed shamrock is a better way to get money then actually having a job. The Irish are so lazy even Mexicans won’t pick them up for day labor.

Even Mayor Bloomberg hates St. Patrick’s Day. He recently said St. Patrick’s Day honors Irish-Americans who like to get “totally inebriated and hang out the window waving little Irish flags.” Hizzoner is right! And he’s short enough to be Irish!

Yeah, yeah… they’re good storytellers, but that’s because they lie about everything. That’s why they have so many freckles. Every time they lie they get a new one.

The Irish believe in leprechauns and pots of gold and fairies. Should we really be encouraging these people to drink? Bono is so drunk, he never even remembers to take off his sunglasses. Stack him on top of Colin Farrell and they’re still a foot shorter than the average American.