Trump’s Emergency Magic

by Daren Jonescu ·
Published February 15, 2019
· Updated February 15, 2019

So now that Donald J. Trump, Moron, has negotiated himself right into no choice but accepting the worst border deal offered over the past three months, he is attempting to save face and assuage the momentary disappointment of his idolaters by declaring a national emergency, thereby gaining access to authority and money that the President really shouldn’t have the ability to commandeer under conditions so obviously, well, not an emergency. With this fake emergency and its illegitimately assumed powers, he is going to rape the budgets of various government agencies in order to provide eight billion dollars, which is less than half the funding supposedly needed to build his non-wall.

He will call this defeat and failure a victory, and his owners in the Washington establishment will laugh into their sleeves at having played this dummy almost as cleverly as Kim Jong Un, as he sets a precedent for Executive overreach that would have had Republican voters reaching for their pitchforks during the Obama era. (Oh, I know, this is different: Trump is their lawless demagogue, so it’s all good.)

So where will King Doofus get this money? — which, if I haven’t already mentioned it, is less than half of what he would need if he were really going to build even the “virtual wall” than which he repeatedly promised his dimwit followers so much more.

In other words, the eight billion actually includes the Trump change he got from his pal Nancy Pelosi. The bulk of the money, however, will come from the United States military, which Trump frequently brags is so well funded. So well, apparently, that they won’t even miss six billion dollars.

Let’s state the obvious: every department of the U.S. Government is wildly over-funded, to constitution-killing proportions. In addition, the national debt has already bankrupted the country for the next three or four generations. It is in such a fiscal climate that Trump and his handlers have decided that some cheap reality TV campaign optics are worth a six billion dollar cut in the already-allotted budget for national defense.

And the remaining chunk of cash, six hundred million dollars, will come from federal asset forfeiture, a criminal operation operating within the federal government under the guise of — well, the guise of law enforcement as a profiteering protection racket in defiance of the very concept of private property rights.

The United States of America ceased functioning on principles of constitutional republicanism a long time ago. Now, thanks to the establishment’s secret weapon — a vain, sociopathic vulgarian who will do anything for his reputation, logic and legality be damned — she is well on her way to banana republicanism.