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You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.

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My step sister is a year older than I am and when I was around 5 or 7 she forced me to touch her inappropriately. She told me if I didn't she wouldn't come over any more. This scared me because I really looked up to her. (I am a female as well). I hated it and to this day it makes me feel dirty. I still to this day see the gross image. It makes me want to vomit! She even tried to do the same thing to me. I didn't like it one bit. Every night she came over she made me this. She also told me if I told anybody about it she would be mad at me so I didn't even when my parents asked me if she was. I'm not sure why they asked me, if she did it to some of her friends or what but I still, to this day haven't told them. My step sister did stop coming over- luckily and now I rarely see her. She was sexually active at an early age and became pregnant earlier this year at the age 17. (she didn't get an abortion, I know this for a fact. It's brain didn't develop all the way...) Anyways- Since then I've had a problem with people touching me in ANY way. In 7th grade, another incident happened when this girl in my math class stuck her hand down the front of my shirt. UGH! WHILE WE WERE IN CLASS!!!! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEIR PROBLEMS ARE! That added to my dislike of being touched and now I have a higher fear of girls touching me in anyway. I have a hard time having friends because of this- I distance myself from them. I try to tolerate it when I have friends so they don't dislike me but it's SOOOO hard!

I've only told one person about my sister making me touch her. My parents know about the girl in 7th grade and thank goodness she moved FAR AWAY! But I felt like telling something, somebody this. Earlier today my mom was watching a show about sexually abused people and it reminded me what I went through. ):

I'm glad you reached out here, at least. It's a great start. I do think you need to tell your parents, though. It sounds like they had concerns when you were younger, so I doubt they would react in an angry or accusing way. If you are afraid of talking to them alone, can you reach out to someone at school? A teacher or something? Who was the one person you told? If you can, try to get that person to come with you when you talk to your parents. I feel like that would make it easier. It was easier for me to talk about being assaulted with my father when I had someone with me, even though I knew he wouldn't be angry or anything like that.

It sounds like problems are setting in, and you don't want those to continue through your life (being afraid of touch, trusting other people, etc) and the longer you let it sit in you, the more problems you will end up having to deal with. I'm really sorry you're dealing with all this, and I do urge you to talk to your parents if you can. If you can't, keep talking here at least. Don't keep anything bottled in.

The huge problem that people have in this sort of situation is the feeling that somehow YOU are guilty of something. This means that you are afraid to talk to parents or people in authority because they may blame you. School counsellors, your priest or minister of religion 'may tell your parents or lose their respect for you in some way'. And even when our sense tells us this isn't true, the feeling remains powerful. So you feel so alone.You have taken the huge, brave step of writing to this forum. Only you know how brave! Perhaps there is a number in your phone book for an organisation called The Samaritans. Why not call them up? They are trained to listen without blame to all sorts of problems and if only you knew how many people of all ages tell of problems just like yours, and this is the most important thing; you are not alone and you will not be blamed. Afterwards, you may feel empowered to speak to someone face to face, someone of your own choosing and in your own time. I wish you luck and strength.