tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615Mon, 05 Mar 2018 21:01:58 +0000Will Someone Please Write This BookwritingTink15 Classics in 15 Weekspicture booksconfessionsJust Try ItCaptain DestructoBanned Booksblog theaterpoetryTwo of a KindlinksmeDecember 2008miscellanyreviewsInspirationfavoritesrantsbooksJRHCHBBAPDFHNaNoWriMobitsSCBWIlibrary haulmetabloggingrunningThe Mighty Thor826michiganYou Know That Feeling?boyfriendsCritterHarry PotterIn Search of Lost TimeThe Least You Need To KnowWBBTcoming soonholidaysnext projectssillinessAngle of ReposeBlood MeridianDon QuixoteEast of EdenFaustInfernoJane EyreLight in AugustMoby DickRockSugarBeetsSalman RushdieSilas MarnerThe Good Soldierbaseballhelp neededpublishingschoolssnabblefrugBlack History MonthHaruki MurakamiIndieBoundIsabel AllendeLeaves of GrassLittle WillowPale FirePoohRichard PeckRick RiordanShakespeareThe Graveyard BookThe House of the Seven GablesThe New Girl...And MeTulipTwilightawardsbad guyschapter booksflashbacksgeesenumbersobsessionspeople who like me anywayscience fictionsnowsquirrelswhiningwordplayJacqui's RoomCome on in. I'm glad you could join us.http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)Blogger369125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-7303353736372230323Mon, 11 Oct 2010 17:57:00 +00002010-10-11T14:20:46.169-04:00bad guysrunningATTENTION PEOPLE OF JACQUI'S ROOMWe have your "Jacqui." We have been tracking her for several weeks but she refuses to write our chapters. Sure, she wrote character sketches for us and has written thousands, THOUSANDS of words for this book, but WE do not yet appear. Nobody even knows who WE are. Jacqui knows, but she ain't talking. Or writing. How can we perpetrate our evil, dastardly, very lucrative, somewhat ridiculous plans if we don't yet EXIST???<br /><br />So we took her. She made a valiant effort at escape this weekend -- even hopped a train to Chicago and ran 26.2 miles. This was clearly to avoid us (why else would anyone run that far?!), but it was misguided since she ran it in a big circle. We let her stop to take this <a target="blank" href="http://www.marathonfoto.com/order_packages.cfm?OID=12852010M1&amp;CustomerNumber=326S24&amp;BFI=4j2rahjif2&amp;Language=EN&amp;Currency=USD&amp;ReturnTo=Assign&amp;PictureInfo=75394231">photo</a> for proof. But then we got her.<br /><br />Now you may not have her back until we have finished with her. Oh, we'll give her the essentials, like food and water and access to Facebook. But other than that, she writes only for us until OUR book is written to OUR satisfaction so the world can know of our greatness.<br /><br />Yes, World! YOU SHALL KNOW OUR NAMES. You know, once we have names.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />The Bad Guys in Jacqui's New Bookhttp://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/10/attention-people-of-jacquis-room.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-1611626355009316648Mon, 04 Oct 2010 15:52:00 +00002010-10-04T12:36:50.873-04:00826michiganrunningI, robotWe did it! Or, rather, you did it and I suffered the consequences (explanation <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/help-kids-humiliate-jacqui.html">here</a>).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">YOU</span> donated almost $1,000 to help kids learn to write at<a href="http://www.826michigan.org/"> 826michigan</a>.<span style="font-weight: bold;"> I</span> ran the Big House Big Heart 5K dressed like this:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKnt231itdI/AAAAAAAAApc/9Np7-qFoIFk/s1600/Me+as+robot.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 334px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKnt231itdI/AAAAAAAAApc/9Np7-qFoIFk/s400/Me+as+robot.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524207944903865810" border="0" /></a>Yes, faithful readers, those ARE dryer vents on my arms. They are surprisingly warm and inflexible. And yes, that button does say "Disco" and yes, I did disco whenever someone pressed it. Fortunately, only Tink thought to press it. Unfortunately, she did so about a million times.<br /><br />And yes, I did appear in front of a gabillion people, up on the Jumbotron, but no, I could not take a picture because race officials would not let me stop in the race chute. But I gave a little dance anyway, because I am a woman of my word.<br /><br />NOW, some of you are kicking yourselves because you forgot to click <a href="http://www.826michigan.org/article/1033/how-much-do-i-love-thee-let-me-count-a-way">HERE</a> and then on my name and donate. Good news! You can still do it. PLUS, someone has donated a free massage to the fundraiser who raises the most money and I have a chance of winning. But there is stiff competition, so get there by the final count Friday at noon! <a href="http://www.826michigan.org/article/1033/how-much-do-i-love-thee-let-me-count-a-way">Donate now</a>! I WANT MY MASSAGE, people.<br /><br />But most of all, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you, from me and 826michigan and a ton of happily writing children. Thank you.http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-robot.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-729636861130764133Fri, 01 Oct 2010 14:36:00 +00002010-10-01T10:37:10.649-04:00Banned BooksCaptain DestructorantsMy son loves pink, a rant<span style="font-style: italic;">Warning: extended, only remotely related to Banned Books Week rant below. Please find a more indicative sample of our regularly scheduled light-hearted silliness </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2008/06/moby-dick-jacquis-room-notes.html">here</a><span style="font-style: italic;">.</span> <p class="MsoNormal">Dear World,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, my son loves pink.<span style=""> </span>He loves his glittery “do you believe in fairies?” shirt and his Hello Kitty water bottle and most of all his hot pink prairie skirt that twirls and that is, along with some boxer briefs, really the perfect summer play outfit.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, I know he is wearing a skirt.<span style=""> </span>And I know it is pink.<span style=""> </span>No need to keep pointing that out, stating the facts as though you aren’t making a judgment in your head.<span style=""> </span>Stop laughing; stop shaking your head.<span style=""> </span>Stop congratulating yourself on your open-mindedness by saying, “That’s so great you <i>let</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> him wear it,” as though maybe I shouldn’t.<span style=""> </span>In fact, please stop bringing it up in front of him at all because every time you do, you teach him that as much as he loves it, there’s something wrong or at least remarkable about that.<span style=""> </span>And who wants to hear that it might not be okay to love something you love?<span style=""> </span>Over and over, at the mall, on the street, at school, at your own family’s house?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">While we’re at it, stop “reassuring” me that “it doesn’t mean anything.”<span style=""> </span>What does that even mean?!<span style=""> </span>Are you trying to say that his love for pink at age 3 doesn’t prove my son is gay?<span style=""> </span>Thanks for the insight.<span style=""> </span>Here’s a clue: the idea of him being gay doesn’t worry me.<span style=""> </span>Here’s what worries me: it’s 2010 and my pink-loving son still has to defend his right to like a freaking COLOR.<span style=""> </span>It’s 2010 and there are still people out there so incredibly homophobic that they CANNOT STAND the sight of a three-year-old boy in a SKIRT.<span style=""> </span>It’s 2010 and my son wore his pink shirt to school the first day and there was MASS GENDER CONFUSION on the playground because some kids already, by age 3, are so gender-indoctrinated that they REFUSED TO BELIEVE he was a boy.</p><p class="MsoNormal">It is 2010 and every single time he wears his favorite color, my son’s feelings get hurt.<span style=""> </span>Every single day, he gets told it’s not okay to be who is he is.<span style=""> </span>I’m not worried about him liking pink or what it “means.”<span style=""> </span>I’m worried that someday people are going to make him feel so bad about himself that he wants to jump off the GW bridge.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It’s 2010.<span style=""> </span>It’s time to stop hurting people’s feelings with closed, terrified minds.<span style=""> </span>It’s time to stop trying to prescribe other people’s lifestyles and families and reading material.<span style=""> </span>It’s time to admit that reality is complicated and surprising and full of questions to which you don’t have answers.<span style=""> </span>And it’s time to let my kids – and everyone's kids -- fully participate in that deliciously diverse reality without having to worry about the whispers.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It’s 2010, World.<span style=""> </span>My son loves pink.<span style=""> </span>Get over it.</p><br /> <p class="MsoNormal">Love,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Jacqui</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">P.S. Thanks for the chocolate donuts, though, World. Those things are awesome.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/10/my-son-loves-pink-rant.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-2079883535105524771Thu, 30 Sep 2010 14:16:00 +00002010-09-30T10:17:35.495-04:00bitsFrom the Jacqui's Room Office for Outer Space AffairsMy Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2008/06/exploding-chickens.html">(TNoftheAWSPWTBIM)</a> news this week turned out to be a hoax!<br /><br />I was disappointed to hear that, contrary to many media sources <span style="font-size:85%;">(all of whom should be really embarrassed for repeating it without doing any fact-checking)</span>, <a target="blank" href="http://sify.com/news/u-n-denies-appointing-earth-s-first-contact-for-aliens-news-international-kj2n4djfafi.html">the U.N. did not actually appoint someone Earth's official "first contact" with alien life forms</a>. Apparently, there is not someone in an office in Malaysia whose job is to wait for aliens to contact us.<br /><br />This is very disappointing because one of you was going to write me a hilarious picture book about the bored bureaucrat sitting filing her nails, cracking gum and fielding the alien phone calls. ("Hello, Department of Earth's First ExtraTerrestrial Contact. How may I direct your call?") The official first contact was Malaysian, but I was picturing her from Jersey. And of course she was unfazable, regardless of what crazy aliens came in. "I'm sorry sir. There are no further openings for attempted invasion and take over of New York City this month. Please fill out Form P-2987 and submit it with November's application fee. Next."<br /><br />Mostly, I'm disappointed nobody has to answer me this: it's all fine and well for US to know who the first contact is. But who's going to explain it to the aliens?<br /><br />Oh well. At least U.N.O.O.S.A.* really exists. That's enough to feed the imagination for a while.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/from-jacquis-room-office-for-outer.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-2385918559807683298Tue, 28 Sep 2010 17:33:00 +00002010-09-28T13:44:35.612-04:00Banned BooksTinkTink, on Roald DahlThis week, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Tink</span> is reading <a href="http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/collateral.jsp?id=492_type=Book_typeId=397"><span style="font-style: italic;">George's Marvelous Medicine</span></a>. It, like many <a href="http://www.roalddahl.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Roald</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Dahl</span> </a>books, has been challenged from time to time by concerned parents. So I sat <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Tink</span> down for a <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2008/08/jacqui-reads-her-children-books-that.html">Jacqui Reads her Children Books That Are SURE to RUIN Them FOREVER</a> discussion.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKIpDV8is_I/AAAAAAAAApU/7-RcEeRDo_I/s1600/images.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 129px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKIpDV8is_I/AAAAAAAAApU/7-RcEeRDo_I/s200/images.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522021230517072882" border="0" /></a><br />ME: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Tink</span>?<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">TINK</span>: (reads)<br />ME: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Tink</span>?<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">TINK</span>: (reads)<br />ME: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">TINK</span>?<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">TINK</span>: (reads)<br />ME: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">TINK</span>!<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">TINK</span>: WHAT?!<br />ME: I notice you're reading <span style="font-style: italic;">George's Marvelous Medicine</span>.<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">TINK</span>: It's my Accelerated Reader book. (reads)<br />ME: Well, you know about Banned Books Week --<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">TINK</span>: (deep sigh) And this is one of them.<br />ME: Well, sort of. What do you think?<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">TINK</span>: (reads)<br />ME: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Tink</span>!<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">TINK</span>: (blows bangs off face by spewing air with lower lip stuck out) Here's what I think: Yes, it's maybe not so appropriate in some places. But people! It's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Roald</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Dahl</span>. What did you expect? (returns to reading, turning back on me)<br />ME: (ponders several things, including how else to celebrate Banned Books Week)http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/tink-on-roald-dahl.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-2507836250870056453Mon, 27 Sep 2010 19:13:00 +00002010-09-27T22:46:17.737-04:00Banned Bookslibrary haulJacqui Reads Her Children Books That Are SURE To RUIN Them FOREVER<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKDMdsDAWbI/AAAAAAAAApM/xhLPJajO_1U/s1600/Banned-Books-Week.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKDMdsDAWbI/AAAAAAAAApM/xhLPJajO_1U/s400/Banned-Books-Week.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5521637953568266674" border="0" /></a><br />It's <a target="blank" href="http://www.bannedbooksweek.org/">Banned Books Week</a>!<br /><br />Two years ago, I celebrated with <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2008/08/jacqui-reads-her-children-books-that.html">Jacqui Reads Her Children Books That Other People Think Are Bad For Them</a>. Last year I read them <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2009/09/take-that-book-haters-redux.html">Even More Books That Other People Think Are Bad For Them</a>. We've read a ton of terrible, child-harming evil, and yet, miraculously, my children's moral fiber remains frustratingly intact. So THIS year, I decided to condense the exposure AND to hit them with the biggies. I present to you:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >Jacqui Reads Her Children Books That Are SURE to RUIN Them FOREVER</span><br /><br />We started this weekend with these:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKDDRuPVzUI/AAAAAAAAAo8/epI3qbXy86w/s1600/9781555835439.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 250px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKDDRuPVzUI/AAAAAAAAAo8/epI3qbXy86w/s320/9781555835439.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5521627852393794882" border="0" /></a><br /><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.indiebound.org/book/9781555835439">Heather Has Two Mommies</a><br />by <a target="blank" href="http://www.lesleakids.com/index.html">Lesléa Newman</a>, illus. Diana Souza<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKDEf5XcqnI/AAAAAAAAApE/f764_Jk6vSc/s1600/9781555831189.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 249px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TKDEf5XcqnI/AAAAAAAAApE/f764_Jk6vSc/s320/9781555831189.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5521629195410385522" border="0" /></a><br /><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.indiebound.org/book/9781555831189">Daddy's Roommate</a><br />by <a target="blank" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/13/author-of-book-palin-targ_n_126236.html">Michael Willhoite</a><br /><br />Nothing subtle there, eh? My kids were sure to be doomed.<br /><br />We ran into trouble immediately. Destructo couldn't have cared less how many mommies Heather had. He was mainly worried that on the cover of her book, it looks like Heather is about to be EATEN BY A WOLF.*<br /><br />Heather's story is very straightforward. Two is her favorite number; she has two hands, two eyes, and two mommies, both of whom she loves best. When Heather starts a playgroup, though, the kids talk about their daddies. Heather doesn't have a daddy and gets sad until the other kids in the class talk about how all their families are different and the teacher delivers a speech on love.<br /><br />This is an important book, and a very lovey and reassuring book. It is not subtle though, and not particularly informative for modern kids with 21st century mindsets. BUT it becomes VERY interesting, terrifying even, if you think Heather's pet dog is a CHILD-EATING WOLF.<br /><br />Punchy, but undeterred, we moved on to <span style="font-style: italic;">Daddy's Roommate</span>. In the book, a little boy's parents are divorced and his dad has moved in with another man. The book is all about the fun the boy has with Daddy and his roommate.<br /><br />First, check out that fantastic mustache! Thor had total facial hair envy.<br /><br />Second, regardless of your politics, you have to respect <a target="blank" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/13/author-of-book-palin-targ_n_126236.html">an author who isn't afraid to speak his true thoughts</a> on his book (and his whole lifestyle) being challenged.<br /><br />But to the actual story. This book does not beat around the bush. It has illustrations of the men hugging in bed, it talks about their love for each other, it says they sleep together. As I read, I was thinking how red in the face <span style="font-style: italic;">Daddy's Roommate</span> must make closed-minded book haters. But then Tink spoke up, on the page where they're at the beach.<br /><br />"I know why some people think we shouldn't read this book," she said, pointing to the picture of Daddy's roommate in a Speedo-style bathing suit. "He's almost naked!"<br /><br />Hmm. Later, she decided that what the book-banners didn't like must be the picture of the men wearing Red Sox hats. Because nobody should cheer for the Red Sox, I guess.<br /><br />In the next episode: Underwear, the Sex Pistols, and Tink on Roald Dahl. Stay tuned.<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />* This is not to knock Ms. Souza; the illustrations within are cute. But you can see why he thought that.</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/jacqui-reads-her-children-books-that.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-5275043799505126372Thu, 23 Sep 2010 15:52:00 +00002010-09-23T11:52:51.400-04:00TinkWill Someone Please Write This BookWho is the author?Today's <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/search/label/Will%20Someone%20Please%20Write%20This%20Book">Thursday inspiration</a> comes from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Tink</span>, who had this idea:<br /><br />"What if you didn't know who the author of the book was and the book was like a mystery where you had to find out?"<br /><br />I am fascinated by this. You could write it as a scavenger hunt through the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">internet</span> or even, gasp, the real world, where you had to figure out what historical figure was supposedly the author. <br /><br />But I want fiction. A middle grade mystery with changing points of view, one of whom has written the book but doesn't admit it. In the story, a certain book has powers of some sort. Something important* hinges on who the author is, but nobody knows. After a few chapters, we realize the book in question is the one we're holding and WE have to figure out who wrote it. I want it sort of terrifying, like if we don't figure it out before the book is over something dreadful might happen to us in REAL LIFE.<br /><br />I want a smart mystery with a brand-new structure and definite chills. Who will write me this book?<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* No, I don't know what powers or what hinges. And this is why YOU are going to write the book.</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/who-is-author.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-8528862437100254759Mon, 20 Sep 2010 16:17:00 +00002010-09-20T12:18:07.629-04:00Just Try ItwritingVacansopapurosophobiaWhich means fear of the blank paper.*<br /><br />I don't have a fear of the blank page. I love a good blank page, a whole blank journal even. It's so full of potential. Imagine all the fantastic, beautiful, hilarious things that could end up on there!<br /><br />No, I have a fear of a half-filled page of bad writing. Call it vacanso<span style="font-style: italic;">crap</span>urosophobia. The flip side of that blank page full of potential is a scribbled-on piece of garbage that I'm embarrassed to recycle without shredding it first. That's what haunts me.<br /><br />I have a new book idea. It might be my favorite book idea ever. It's so pretty right now, so hilarious and yet touching, so unique and yet universal. And so completely unwritten, and therefore so fraught with the looming specter of total, heart-breaking failure to carry it off in a way that is at all close to my beloved vision for it.<br /><br />This is the writer's dilemma: I have to be madly in love with an idea in order to even consider starting, given the amount of time and sweat (well, mental sweat) and energy I know it's going to take. But if I'm too in love with it, I'm terrified of blowing it.<br /><br />This summer, though, I got a wonderful piece of advice: Redefine failure. As in, whenever you find yourself not trying something for fear you'll fail, redefine what "failure" will mean in that situation. For me, for any writer but in particular for those of you who have "always wanted to, but...", maybe failure shouldn't mean "unpublished" or "not as perfect as I hoped." Maybe failure should mean "never tried." And there's one obvious way to make sure that doesn't happen.<br /><br />Excuse me, I have a book to go start.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* Also the title of an 826michigan student publication of just the kind you'd be supporting if you'd already signed on to <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/help-kids-humiliate-jacqui.html">force me to dress up like a robot and dance on the Jumbotron</a>.</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/vacansopapurosophobia.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-8159100333720428637Fri, 17 Sep 2010 18:26:00 +00002010-09-17T22:09:13.740-04:00826michiganHelp kids, humiliate Jacqui*<span style="font-style: italic;">Things Jacqui Has Been Doing Instead of Blogging, part 1</span><br /><br />Here are two things I love:<br />writing<br />teaching<br /><br />And here is <a target="blank" href="http://www.826michigan.org/">826michigan</a>, one of my favorite non-profits, which is dedicated entirely to teaching kids to write. You will not find another organization making writing as fun, as creative, as appealing to all kids (even reluctant writers), or as cool as 826 makes writing. We have a <a target="blank" href="http://www.onwardrobots.com/">ROBOT STORE</a>, for goodness sake.<br /><br />You can learn more about all the 826 outfits <a target="blank" href="http://www.826national.org/">here</a>. This is something I believe in whole-heartedly. I'm on the board. I work in the robot store. Last year I spent all day every Friday volunteering during writing workshops at an elementary school in Ypsilanti. And sometimes, I humiliate myself. For example, <a target="blank" href="http://www.826michigan.org/img/votm/Jacqui-Robbins.jpg">this picture</a> of me dressed as Brutus killing Robot Julius Caesar.<br /><br />Now, here are two things I hate:<br />humiliation<br />asking for money<br /><br />So I figured, why not combine them?<br /><br />The <a target="blank" href="http://www.thebighousebigheart.com/">Big House Big Heart</a> is a 5K race that runs through downtown Ann Arbor, into the University of Michigan stadium, down the middle of the field and across the 50 yard line, where finishers are videotaped stumbling along and projected, giant-sized, onto the field's Jumbotron, for all to see.<br /><br />And on October 3, with your help, it is possible I will run the Big House Big Heart Race and breakdance robot-style across the finish line while being projected giant-sized onto the Jumbotron. All while dressed in a full body robot costume.<br /><br />Total humiliation. How can you make this happen? Help me raise $826 for 826michigan.<br /><br />Yup. For a meager $826, I am going to line up with 10,000 other people, in broad daylight, with dryer vent tubes on my arms and a sign that says, "I get my fix at Liberty Street Robot Supply and Repair."** And I am going to post pictures of the whole thing. Online, for all to see and mock.<br /><br />Here's how you can contribute to the Help Kids, Humiliate Jacqui plan:<br /><br />1. Click <a href="http://www.826michigan.org/article/1033/how-much-do-i-love-thee-let-me-count-a-way">HERE</a> to be directed to the 826michigan race page. Then click on my name to go to PayPal.<br /><br />2. Mail a check or cash to 826michigan, 115 E. Liberty Street, Ann Arbor, MI, 48109. Put "I want Jacqui red-faced on the Jumbotron" or something similarly evil in the memo.<br /><br />3. Toss cash at me as I run past you in the race. This is, of course, less effective.<br /><br />And then either sit back and pat yourself on the back for doing good and helping kids learn to write, or sit back and giggle maniacally at how embarrassed I am going to be out there. You know who you are.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* a blog title that shows the importance of carefully placed punctuation.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">** or something else equally mortifying</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/help-kids-humiliate-jacqui.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-4103365042284048625Tue, 14 Sep 2010 13:42:00 +00002010-09-14T09:53:41.956-04:00coming soonSchool has started...... and there is not a person in my house who isn't thrilled about it. <br /><br />Everyone started new schools and everyone is in love with the new places. Though yesterday Destructo was upset because:<br /><br />"We were learning to wash our hands and I saw a giant X marks the spot on the floor and it could be real pirate treasure and NONE of my teachers would GET ME A SHOVEL!"<br /><br />It is also possible he insisted to his Sunday School teachers that his name is "Buzz."<br /><br />Methinks it could be a long year...<br /><br />Tink's new school uses the Accelerated Reader program: "MOM! Can you believe my HOMEWORK is to READ A BOOK?! Like I get extra credit for reading a book! Reading! For HOMEWORK. Like it's hard" (shakes head, chuckles to self, and disappears into armchair for hours).<br /><br />As for me, in the last two weeks I had <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Tink's</span> birthday (complete with Black and White themed almost sleepover), the first day of new schools for both <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Tink</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Destructo</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Rosh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Hashanah</span>, my birthday, Thor's 40<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">th</span> birthday (for which I planned a surprise weekend away with 10 friends), minor household crises (everyone is fine), an unintentionally thawed refrigerator, a barfing cat, minimal child care, house guests, a total of nearly 80 miles run, mysterious lights on in the car,<br /><br />And yet, as part of my new "no excuses" policy, I will be sending everything my agent wanted by Thursday to her. Today. Yup, two days early. And yup, I am crowing about it. <br /><br />So lemme just finish formatting this one thing. And then I will be back in Jacqui's Room to tell you all about it.http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/09/school-has-started.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-1162076556981226187Mon, 30 Aug 2010 21:46:00 +00002010-08-30T17:47:06.590-04:00Captain DestructoTinkHow do they do it?You've seen the bios:<br /><br />"So and so is a stay-at-home mom to three adorable children under the age of five, two dogs, a cat, and a bearded dragon named Louie. When not writing, she enjoys building houses for Habitat for Humanity, hand-making all her family's clothes, and acting as mayor of Dubuque. She recently finished her thirteenth solo ascent of Everest. This is her sixth novel in the past year; her first collection of self-illustrated poetry will be out in July."<br /><br />Who ARE these people? WHERE did they buy their<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magical_objects_in_Harry_Potter#Time-Turners"> time-turners</a>? And, while I'm asking questions with all caps, WHO THE HECK STUCK THIS EXTRA WEEK OF NO SCHOOL IN BETWEEN AUGUST AND SEPTEMBER???<br /><br />I try. I do. I know people send their kids to play and shut the door and go write masterpieces. But I have to assume those people's children don't think up games like "Carry the Cat By Her Tail," "What Happens When Dry Erase Markers Get Really, Really Wet?" and the classic "Sit on Your Brother's Head Til He Screams." The only time my kids are silent enough for me to write without leaving one ear and some brain space available to monitor them is when they're up to something really naughty.<br /><br />So today I planned myself some writing time with a playdate. That fell through. Child care? Nobody available. I planned a pool trip; at least I could jot down ideas while they played, right? We lotioned, got dressed, and biked down there. Immediately upon our arrival, someone else's kid vomited vast and chunky all over the shallow end. Pool closed indefinitely.<br /><br />"Go play," I ordered when we got home. They went upstairs to play Harry Potter School. I opened Word. And it's broken. Won't start at all. I spent five minutes re-starting and swearing at it before the door to Tink's room opened.<br /><br />TINK: Mom?<br />JACQUI: What?<br />TINK: Mom?!<br />JACQUI What?!<br />TINK: MOOOOOOOM!<br />JACQUI: WHAT?!<br />TINK: We need you to come be the werewolf!<br />JACQUI: No. I'm busy.<br />TINK: Please?<br />JACQUI: No.<br />TINK: (runs down stairs) PLEEEEEEEASE? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE? (dances circles around living room)<br />DESTRUCTO: (bounces down stairs) Pyeez pyeez pyeez. (spins in nauseating circles, narrowly avoiding every pointed edge in room)<br />JACQUI: Stop. No. Go away. Shoo! (holds laptop like shield)<br />TINK &amp; DESTRUCTO: PLEEEEEESE! PYEEZ! TWO MINUTES! PLEEEEEEEEE -- (continues until blue in the face) -- SE!<br />JACQUI: (Deep breathes. Closes laptop. Weeps)http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-do-they-do-it.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-4611191298080878970Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:51:00 +00002010-08-22T20:55:06.355-04:00CritterThe Taming of the CritterOh my. Tink and I had such big plans for <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-is-critter.html">Critter</a>. Sunset walks on the beach, tickets to the symphony, late Sunday brunches with asparagus omelets...<br /><br />But Critter? Critter was out of control. We tried to interest him in books, like some other bloggers did. We took him to our favorite places in Ann Arbor -- the downtown library...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THG_s5crU0I/AAAAAAAAAno/4z2SRk1Godk/s1600/Critter+at+library.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THG_s5crU0I/AAAAAAAAAno/4z2SRk1Godk/s320/Critter+at+library.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508394597307077442" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />... and Liberty Street Robot Supply &amp; Repair.*<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHABu1_djI/AAAAAAAAAnw/iJn0l4PFzVU/s1600/LSRS%26R.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHABu1_djI/AAAAAAAAAnw/iJn0l4PFzVU/s320/LSRS%26R.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508394955237717554" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />But Critter just kept trying to sneak into Pangea Piercing.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHAynSDJGI/AAAAAAAAAn4/9uIObJHVzNk/s1600/piercing.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHAynSDJGI/AAAAAAAAAn4/9uIObJHVzNk/s320/piercing.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508395795021505634" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />When they asked him for ID, he ran and hid behind one of Ann Arbor's many <a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5393277">fairy doors</a>.**<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHCUiICXQI/AAAAAAAAAoI/hINrcb20930/s1600/fairy+door.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHCUiICXQI/AAAAAAAAAoI/hINrcb20930/s320/fairy+door.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508397477264514306" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Eventually, the fairies delivered him back to my house with a note that said, "Never again." Tink and I felt bad for Critter. Maybe he just needed some coddling. We cooked him a healthy farmer's market dinner. He ignored it. He said he wasn't hungry. Then, later, we found this:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHD64jKowI/AAAAAAAAAoQ/AJOdLeUHcks/s1600/candy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHD64jKowI/AAAAAAAAAoQ/AJOdLeUHcks/s320/candy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508399235630539522" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />It was obvious to Tink and I: Critter needed finishing school. We got right to work. We set him up a strict behavior management system with Twizzler Bits as rewards.<br /><br />We taught him to cook.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHFzNArfAI/AAAAAAAAAog/zva-ew2k1Tc/s1600/learning+to+cook.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/THHFzNArfAI/AAAAAAAAAog/zva-ew2k1Tc/s320/learning+to+cook.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508401302707338242" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Tink gave him a more formal wardrobe. Finally, Critter was ready. Look, how lovely and peaceful he is now!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGrBiKYRZzI/AAAAAAAAAng/N0eze1zl-Xs/s1600/0813101613-00.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGrBiKYRZzI/AAAAAAAAAng/N0eze1zl-Xs/s320/0813101613-00.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5506426287059724082" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />"Our work here is done," Tink said. And it's true. I don't know how long the pink lacy phase will last, though, so we have shipped Critter off with all due speed to <a href="http://www.tinaferraro.com/">Tina Ferraro</a>, who writes young adult books, and is, thus, better able to take care of recalcitrant Critters. Apparently, Tina may be taking Critter to Las Vegas.<br /><br />I hope he doesn't gamble away his new ballet slippers.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* which is the storefront for 826michigan and also where I work on Mondays and also the coolest store in town<br /><br />** Yes, there are really fairy doors all over Ann Arbor. If you come, we will tour them and you will be all "Aww" and your kids will stand gape-mouthed and whisper, "I believe."</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/08/taming-of-critter.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-7012922570377224802Fri, 20 Aug 2010 13:24:00 +00002010-08-20T09:24:44.144-04:00CritterWhat is a Critter?!<a href="http://iansands.blogspot.com/">Ian Sands</a> seems like a very cool person. He makes public, interactive art in North Carolina. Like, his art is on the side of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">a bus</span>. Or, you might be walking down near the water in and see this, that Ian made:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGq8ZOmzGjI/AAAAAAAAAm4/Gx7Gf2bT_U4/s1600/8-iansands-floatparade.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGq8ZOmzGjI/AAAAAAAAAm4/Gx7Gf2bT_U4/s200/8-iansands-floatparade.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5506420636017433138" border="0" /></a>That would make me so happy. Someone did public art in the Huron River here in Ann Arbor, but it was all rusty wires and then it blew away in a tornado. Sad.<br /><br />Anyway, Ian started a project called the Lost Critter project. He made a lot of Critters and then set them free...<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://christyscreativespace.blogspot.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Christy</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Evers</span></a> is also a cool person. She writes books for kids. You may know her around Jacqui's Room as the eternally encouraging commenter C.R. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Evers</span>.<br /><br />Now, somehow, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Christy</span> got a hold of a particularly cute Critter:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGq-oTS_cyI/AAAAAAAAAnA/iYialrqTi6I/s1600/Critter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGq-oTS_cyI/AAAAAAAAAnA/iYialrqTi6I/s200/Critter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5506423093997826850" border="0" /></a>She is sending him all over the real world to visit children's writers. At the end of his travels, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Christy</span> is going to auction Critter off and donate the proceeds to charity (I told you she was nice).<br /><br />And now, this week, Critter is in my house. I got him in a padded envelope along with the directions to "have fun" and a hint that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Christy</span> expected "mischief."<br /><br /><br />Mischief? Me? Stay tuned...http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-is-critter.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-8389337769347460310Mon, 16 Aug 2010 15:31:00 +00002010-08-16T11:32:49.686-04:00CritterwritingWorking is in progress againRemember when I was writing so hard that I had to stop blogging and <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/03/working-is-in-progress.html">write a poem</a> about how hard I was writing?<br /><br />This week, I don't even have time for a poem. It's good news: my agent loved all my new ideas and wants to see them all ASAHOIPOS.* And my agent is wise and I always do what she says. Also, she is a black belt and can beat me up. So no blogging for me for a few days.<br /><br />That said, we have a visitor at our house this week. And, oh, the adventures we have had. Already, there has been dress-up and candy and a robot vs. objet d'art brawl. <br /><br />Have you met <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Childrens-Lit-Helps-Critter-Help-Kids/103354106367110">Critter</a>? You will...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGlZbTHPKDI/AAAAAAAAAmw/KoFOicAFlb0/s1600/Critter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGlZbTHPKDI/AAAAAAAAAmw/KoFOicAFlb0/s200/Critter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5506030344959109170" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />* As Soon As Humanly Or Inhumanly Possible Or Sooner</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/08/working-is-in-progress-again.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-1680768361236070642Wed, 11 Aug 2010 17:57:00 +00002010-08-11T13:57:10.501-04:00writingLiving with your inner criticYou know that voice inside you? The one that says, "This is no good. You're never going to get it right. You may as well give up." Mine is strong and mean and persistent. It beats me up, and it also uses logic ("Does the world really NEED another book? You know who needs you? Your kids!"). And it doesn't just bug me while I write. As I've been training for this marathon, it's started in while I'm running. "You're never going to make it. You may as well stop. You're probably about to injure yourself. C'mon, slow down."<br /><br />I hate it. I used to try to ignore it, or to get rid of it. But lately I've stopped.<br /><br />I went for a run in LA with the amazing <a href="http://www.saralewisholmes.com/">Sara Lewis Holmes</a>, and we got to talking about the voice, both in running and in writing. Here's what we realized: it never goes away. You can win 15 National Book Awards and a Pulitzer, you can run 95 ultramarathons, you can be the most accomplished anything in the world. But the voice will still be there. Every time it gets hard, it will be there, feeding on your insecurity and trying to convince you to quit.<br /><br />And then Sara said the wisest thing. She said maybe you have to learn to live with it, to say, "Oh, hello. I recognize you," and then to go on.<br /><br />Earlier this week, I went running with Tink. She rides her bike alongside me and it's usually great. But this run, she was cranky. She started whining at the farthest away point and she screamed and kvetched at me for two miles. She was making me CRAZY. But the more I talked calmly back and kept running, the more ridiculous she got ("I am going to DIIIIIIIE!"). I could laugh at her. And of course, we made it. Now, when I am running and the voice starts in, I just pretend it's Tink kvetching. And I go on.<br /><br />I am about to start a new book, and I know soon thereafter the voice will start. But I'm not going to ignore it. I'm going to say, "Oh, hello. I recognize you." Because I am less nice than Sara, I will probably add "You stupid voice." <br /><br />And then I will go back to writing.http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/08/living-with-your-inner-critic.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-9215315800085403951Tue, 10 Aug 2010 15:19:00 +00002010-08-10T11:26:25.405-04:00Harry PotterTinkWhy my children have no hope of being normal...Part 357: the omen<br /><br />...because I promised <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Tink</span> we could do "Harry Potter camp," just she and I, this week. Today is Potions. I printed up a simple baking soda and water recipe in a fancy font and labeled it "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Revealo</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Totalum</span>." I told <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Tink</span> we were going to learn a simple potion that you paint on a plain piece of paper to reveal secret messages, or the future.<br /><br />Then last night, I snuck downstairs, took the "plain piece of paper" and, in vinegar, wrote "THE DARK LORD RISES! BEWARE! BE NICE TO YOUR MOTHER!"<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Heh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">heh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">heh</span>.http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/08/why-my-children-have-no-chance-of-being.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-2422395501636490589Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:39:00 +00002010-08-09T12:39:37.913-04:00obsessionsThis week, we are obsessed with...(books you should read)<br /><br />1.<a href="http://www.indiebound.org/book/9780689866197"> <span style="font-style: italic;">Once Upon a Time, The End (Asleep in 60 Seconds)</span></a><br />by <a href="http://authors.simonandschuster.com/Geoffrey-Kloske/21034657">Geoffrey Kloske</a>, illus. <a href="http://www.barryblitt.com/">Barry Blitt</a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGAf94Y2mwI/AAAAAAAAAlg/qNVuOaUDSss/s1600/9780689866197.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 189px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGAf94Y2mwI/AAAAAAAAAlg/qNVuOaUDSss/s200/9780689866197.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5503433892615854850" border="0" /></a>For any parent whose kid ever insisted on "One more story!" ten million times until you were left exhausted and skipping entire pages and telling stories like, "Once upon a time a kid wouldn't stop asking for stories and his mother went INSANE. The end."<br /><br />Includes such classics as The Two Little Pigs and (my favorite) The Princess and the Pea ("Is there a pea in your bed? No? Then what's your excuse? Go to sleep."). Hilarity.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />2. <a href="http://www.indiebound.org/book/9780689842917"><span style="font-style: italic;">Iggie's House</span></a>, by <a href="http://www.judyblume.com/">Judy Blume</a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGAjN7NPNoI/AAAAAAAAAlo/7VmSTUQd9vs/s1600/9780689842917.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 137px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TGAjN7NPNoI/AAAAAAAAAlo/7VmSTUQd9vs/s200/9780689842917.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5503437466785232514" border="0" /></a>Winnie's best friend Iggie moved away, leaving Winnie miserable. When the Garber family moved in with three kids, Winnie was thrilled. But the Garbers were the first black family in the neighborhood and not everyone was as thrilled as Winnie to have them there.<br /><br />From the publisher: <span style="font-style: italic;">Winnie, a welcoming committee of one, set out to make a good impression and be a good neighbor. That's why the trouble started. Glenn and Herbie and Tina didn't want a "good neighbor." They wanted a friend.</span><br /><br />This book was first published in the 70s and re-released in 2002 with this new cover (which Tink &amp; I both I hate, though we can't articulate why; I think it's because the kids look so happy, which they are definitely not in the book). It feels a little dated (I had to explain to Tink what "Negro" meant). But what is both amazing about Judy Blume (and terribly depressing about the world) is how <span style="font-weight: bold;">not</span> dated it is. The awkward way Winnie and the Garbers learn to make friends with each other as individuals and not representatives of their respective races, Winnie's ignorance, and the thinly-veiled excuses Winnie's neighbors give for not wanting the Garbers around could easily have been written this year.<br /><br />3. Cool dates. As in, today is 8.9.10. We will definitely be having a dance party tonight at 6:07. Who's in?http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/08/this-week-we-are-obsessed-with.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-4533690353176086149Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:38:00 +00002010-07-26T14:55:54.902-04:00memiscellanyrantsWho can help me find these things?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TE3Uxww7JhI/AAAAAAAAAlY/wMy_cNRJSdA/s1600/screws.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 157px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TE3Uxww7JhI/AAAAAAAAAlY/wMy_cNRJSdA/s200/screws.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498284671458027026" border="0" /></a>Attention Jacqui's Room reader(s):<br /><br />I need your help finding something: July.<br /><br />Like the whole month. I lost mine, apparently, because it's almost over and I can't remember what I did with it.<br /><br />I mean, from the looks of this blog, you'd think I hadn't posted in two week, when in fact, I have been posting brilliant and hilarious items TWICE DAILY.*<br /><br />I looked in my bag of marbles and it turns out most of them are lost too.<br /><br />It's a household wide problem. Yesterday, I listened to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Tink</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Destructo</span> have an extended argument entitled "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Uno</span>: are we or are we not playing with a full deck?"<br /><br />In other news, I heard an all too familiar thumping and scratching sound in my attic this weekend.** Is it possible a new generation of <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2009/01/friday-bits.html">flightless pigeons</a> is out to get me?! Did they not read <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2009/01/squirrel-bits-movie.html">this blog</a> last spring? Or do I now, in addition to everything else, literally have bats in my belfry? I will keep you updated.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* In my head.<br />** No joke. All three of these things actually happened this week. This is my life.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">*** Photo from 826michigan's <a href="http://www.onwardrobots.com/index.html">Liberty Street Robot Supply and Repair Store website</a>. You can buy loose screws there, if you don't have enough already.</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/07/who-can-help-me-find-these-things.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-2486512161184116009Mon, 12 Jul 2010 16:15:00 +00002010-07-12T12:15:47.886-04:00Captain DestructoThe Mighty ThorTinkOur weekend, by the numbersNumber of laps of the outside of our house done by Thor in his imitation of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Iniesta's</span> celebration of Spain's winning World Cup goal: 1<br /><br />Number of shirts removed as part of said imitation: 1<br /><br />Number of laps of our house done by my children in imitation of their father: 2<br /><br />Number of clothing items removed during laps: all of them<br /><br />Number of laps done naked: 3<br /><br />Number of laps done wearing each other's clothing: 1<br /><br />Number of laps done wearing underwear on their heads and screaming with giggles while their father chases them, trying to corral them into the bath: 1<br /><br />Number of neighborhood block parties we are likely to be invited to this summer: sigh.http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/07/our-weekend-by-numbers.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-146955458860759688Thu, 08 Jul 2010 10:57:00 +00002010-07-08T06:57:00.262-04:00Will Someone Please Write This BookSssurprisssse!Today's Thursday News of the Absurd Inspirational Moment proves we should all watch more nature TV shows.<br /><br />From <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100707/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_snake_in_a_locker">Yahoo!News</a>:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Mass. school janitor finds 3-foot python in locker</span><br /><br />Apparently, a janitor cleaning up at the end of the school year opened a locker and a giant snake popped out, prank can of peanuts style. Except it was a real python. When it tried to attack him, he "grabbed it behind the head as he had seen on nature TV shows."<br /><br />I think this is the last scene of the book, the one that rolls with the credits in the film. It's the last loose end to tie up: "But what happened to the python?!" <br /><br />So you tell me, what is the rest of the story?http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/07/sssurprisssse.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-4235797697766474832Thu, 01 Jul 2010 19:30:00 +00002010-07-01T15:30:00.369-04:00writingObsessionYou know you are obsessed with your book when...<br /><br />... while pondering your book during morning "make the lunches and run around collecting stuff" time, you forget to eat breakfast.<br /><br />... while pondering your book during a write-in with a friend at the library, the solution to your plot problem hits you and, before you know what you are doing, you holler "I got it!" and leap from your chair.<br /><br />... while pondering your book during a run, you become so absorbed that you forget to watch your step and fly to the pavement in the middle of the street, battering your shoulder and scraping your knees and palms. Yet all you can think as you continue the run (with blood dripping down your leg) is "She could totally wipe-out like that in Chapter 8."<br /><br />... even in the face of all this, you still find yourself happily pondering your book during dinner...and bedtime...and during the second half of the Brazil-Chile World Cup game...http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/07/obsession.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-9055616342572757736Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:27:00 +00002010-06-29T14:28:29.023-04:00826michiganwritingWriting Lessons from Elementary School, part 2<span style="font-size:85%;">This is the second post inspired by my amazement at the great writing in <span style="font-style: italic;">Don't Stay Up So Late</span>, a collection of stories by Erickson Elementary (Yspilanti, MI) students who worked with volunteers from <a href="http://www.826michigan.org/">826michigan</a>. See yesterday's post <a href="http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/06/writing-lessons-from-elementary-school.html">here</a>. And then go to 826michigan and get yourself a copy, if you can.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">10 Things Elementary School Writers Know They <span style="font-style: italic;">Should</span> Do<br />and Their Stories Are Much Better For It<br />(i.e. Things I Wish More Grown-Up Authors Remembered)<br /></span><br />1. Something has to happen in your story. A list of things you like is not a story. A list of what someone did that day ("And then we went to Joe's. And then we played Wii. And then we ate dinner.") is not a story.* Neither is a 40 page treatise on your thoughts on the nature of fiction, even if you put it in quotes and write "he said" at the end.<br /><br />2. Your story has to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. "End Book 1" is not an ending. <br /><br />3. Use lots of juicy details.<br /><br />4. Spelling and grammar DO count...<br /><br />5. ... but not on your first draft messy copy.<br /><br />6. Books with pictures are best.<br /><br />7. In a good story, a character learns something or changes somehow. But you don't have to write "The moral is..." and beat us in the head with it.<br /><br />8. Stories are meant to be read. By other people. Preferably out loud. So somebody besides you has to be able to sound out and understand your story, and enjoy it. It's not a good story if you have to sit next to the person and explain everything (or if I have to buy a "Reader's Guide" to understand what you were trying to say).*<br /><br />9. Writing stories is hard. It takes a lot of work. You have to practice and you have to find somewhere you can concentrate. And you have to see it through to the end.<br /><br />10. A book is not a real book if you only SAY you are going to write, but never start, or if you tell everyone about it but never finish, or if you finish it and are afraid to show the teacher. If you see it through to the end, and you revise it and edit it, and if you give it a title and make pictures for it, and if someone who is not you reads it and enjoys it, it is a "real" book, even if nobody ever buys it on Amazon.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* Unless you are James Joyce and the book is <span style="font-style: italic;">Ulysses</span><br /></span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/06/writing-lessons-from-elementary-school_29.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-3908416747468654678Mon, 28 Jun 2010 17:20:00 +00002010-06-28T13:20:44.284-04:00826michiganwritingWriting Lessons from Elementary School, Part 1<span style="font-size:85%;">This post and tomorrow's were inspired by </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >Don't Stay Up So Late</span><span style="font-size:85%;">, a fabulous collection of bedtime stories written by students at Erickson Elementary in Ypsilanti, as part of <a href="http://www.826michigan.org/">826<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">michigan</span></a>'s work at their school this year. I helped out at Erickson last year and wrote the intro to the book. Come get a copy at 826<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">michigan</span>.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">10 Things Elementary School Writers Don't Know They Shouldn't Do<br />and Their Stories Are Much Better For It</span><br />(i.e. Things I Wish More Grown-Up Writers Tried)<br /><br />1. Name your main character after yourself. Make her fabulous or make her evil. Either way, do not worry for a minute about whether or not readers will think it's really you.<br /><br />2. Write your fantasy.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Once upon a time there was a girl named Jacqui. She was very nice, but at school everyone was mean to her. She told on them and they all got in big, big trouble and had to miss the field trip and they never bothered her again.</span>*<br /><br />3. Establish character in the first lines. Don't overwrite this part. Move into the story.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Jason was a bad guy. He liked to beat up kittens and eat bunnies. One day...</span><br /><br />4. Make stuff up. Like crazy stuff. Nobody ever put down a book and thought, "Yes! That was totally <span style="font-weight: bold;">realistic</span>!"<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And then he turned into a butterfly and flew away.</span><br /><br />5. Find yourself hilarious. Put stuff in there just because it's funny. In fact, write the whole story as if you were trying to make the kid next to you laugh or say "Whoa!"<br /><br />6. Do not fear the absurd.<br /><br />7. Write about everyday <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">playdate</span> drama. Making the stakes high doesn't mean every book has to be about life or death situations. Sometimes we all like to read a book about someone who reminds us of us, with the problems and worries that we hide inside us, and who makes it out of a normal childhood. Ask Judy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Blume</span>.<br /><br />8. Have a moral. Better yet, have a moral we don't expect. At the end of your story of the produce thief who gets caught, write: "Moral: Don't eat all the bananas."<br /><br />9. Don't wrap up every loose end. At the end of your story of the class field trip to a zombie house, write:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Lucy and John escaped. They went to tell their teacher. Then they realized their teacher was now a zombie! She ate them and nobody ever heard from Lucy and John again.</span><br />Do not worry about what happened to the rest of the class; we can guess. Or, it doesn't matter.<br /><br />10. Rehabilitate your bad guys, instead of annihilating them. Sometimes we need to know there's a chance we can change.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">But when Franklin saw how sad Lizzie looked about her puppy being stolen, he felt bad. He decided to give her puppy back. Lizzie was so happy she said she'd be his friend, if he promised never to steal again. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* All quotes are made up by me, and are similar but not as awesome as ones from the book.</span><span style="font-size:78%;">1</span>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/06/writing-lessons-from-elementary-school.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-2231864783889414368Thu, 24 Jun 2010 18:08:00 +00002010-06-24T14:08:04.601-04:00Will Someone Please Write This BookGranny vampsThis week's Thursday inspiration is more ridiculous than anything.<br /><br />We were discussing vampire books in critique group this week and someone pointed out that part of the allure of vampires in these books is that they all got frozen in immortality at the ripe young, gorgeous age of 16 or 17.<br /><br />"Where are the books about old and ugly vampires?" someone said.<br /><br />Which got us started giggling. Can't you see the cover of the book? With three or four seriously old vampires glaring in the "I know you think I'm sexy" way over the top of their bifocals? Vampires who have to have their blood pre-sucked and put in a cup with a straw. Vampire early bird specials. Vampires in house slippers.<br /><br />Oh, the video I would make you, had I endless time and technical skill: I keep picturing Bella Swan's voice from the movie previews saying, "You're impossibly fast" and seeing a vampire played by Tim Conway from the old Carol Burnett shows. But, alas, I cannot make it, seeing as how I have much kitten-watching to do today. So who will write me the book?<br /><br />And because I cannot pass up Tim Conway...<br /><br /><object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/cJEaQvdVZ5s&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/cJEaQvdVZ5s&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="480"></embed></object>http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/06/granny-vamps.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464201653179922615.post-5812663938890914620Wed, 23 Jun 2010 16:52:00 +00002010-06-23T12:52:00.366-04:00TinkTulipTulip<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TCFNgPbg5II/AAAAAAAAAlQ/v6IAklZqpsw/s1600/Tulip.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4_Lu7vr8z-s/TCFNgPbg5II/AAAAAAAAAlQ/v6IAklZqpsw/s320/Tulip.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5485751037407061122" border="0" /></a>This is Tink's new kitten, Tulip, whom we brought home yesterday from the Huron Valley Humane Society (thanks in part to <a target="blank" href="http://dianeblathers.blogspot.com/">Diane</a> who chose Tink "the cuddliest, cutest one.").<br /><br />She is 1.8 pounds of cute and all we could do all afternoon was stare and coo.<br /><br />"How long have we been sitting here watching her?" Tink asked.<br /><br />"An hour," I replied.<br /><br />Tink sighed. "Oh boy," she said. "This is going to ruin my writing career."http://jacquirobbins.blogspot.com/2010/06/tulip.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Jacqui)8