This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, September 28, 2012

Bear update - Speedy trial?

Not much has changed. Bear is still in jail, awaiting trial. He says that the mental health assessment still hasn't been done, which takes about a month, so the October 4th court date will probably come and go with no results. He's been told that if he does get in to Anna McBride based on the assessment (which now may not be a possibility because they're saying it was a "violent" crime after all), that usually takes a month or so to happen. So he's looking at another couple of months minimum.

In the meantime, he's still depressed (big shock). He has nothing to do all day but ruminate how he's messed up his life. He already knows he's a horrible person (part of being RAD is knowing you're worthless and unlovable). He's given up, but there's nothing he can do about it.

I tried to reassure him that

It's normal to be depressed considering where he is right now.

He's bipolar so his body chemistry is making him depressed, so his brain starts looking around for a "reason" and finds one which then gets blown out of proportion. When he gets back on his meds a lot of this depression will go away.

Yes, I'm sure he should have listened to his friends, and then he might have stayed out of trouble (it got a little irritating to hear him talk about how this friend and that had told him not to do _________, so I kept casually dropping hints that we'd said the same thing many times), BUT he knows he had to find this out for himself (explained what "hindsight is 20/20" meant), and beating himself up over it now is pointless. Instead, he needs to learn from this. .

Yes, he does need to come home and grow up a little more (like he learned from his last psych eval

Things will get better, he just needs to hang in there.

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A little while back he'd given me access to his FaceBook account (I'm not totally sure why, I think he wanted me to see what his ex-gf had said to him on his page - he wanted me to know without telling me himself), but since she was no longer his friend and it happened so long ago, I couldn't see anything. I did discover another reason why he's worried about returning to Texas. He owes hundreds of dollars to various people (including ex-gf). He's lied to pretty much everyone about why he went to Oklahoma. He told one of the people he owed money to that he was just going for a visit because there was a death in the family.

His Oklahoma gf, who was standing by him while he was in jail, made several comments on his FB page about him stating he had no one there for him (because she personally knows how it feels to have friends and family abandon you when you're in jail!). He's told US his bio family haven't called or visited, but we've definitely been there for him. Even when they doubled the cost of his collect calls to $30 for 15 minutes.

The Oklahoma gf is now missing, and somehow they've accused Bear. Luckily he's in JAIL and couldn't really have anything to do with it.

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About Me

I'm the admin for a large, international support group on Face Book called Parenting Attachment Challenged Children. I have a Masters degree in Social Work, a bachelors in Psychology with a focus on child abuse and neglect, and over 30 years of experience working with children and families, in particular those with special needs
Hubby and I adopted special needs teenage siblings in 2008 - a son, (Bear, age 24) and daughter, (Kitty, age 22). Both are diagnosed with RAD, Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, C-PTSD, brain injuries... and many other diagnoses. We also have two younger bio children, a daughter, (Bob - see the post "What about Bob" if you're dying to know how she got her nickname -age 20) and a son, (Ponito, 18).
I love to help, and I hope my blog provides resources and support for parents struggling with children with attachment and trauma challenges.

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Books, Methods, and Resources Review

BOOKS, METHODS, AND RESOURCES REVIEW

This is a "living anecdotal document" reviewing books and methods specific to the many issues in parenting children of trauma that I have come across over the years. I share it with you, because I wish I'd been able to find resources when we started this process. Please let me know if you have any suggestions, comments, or additions!**********************************INTRODUCTION - Books, Methods, and Resources Review