Friday, November 5, 2010

5 major US banks announced this morning that in addition to fees for visiting a human bank teller or fees for having to have a bank account in general, a new fee system set to start operation on January 1st will charge customers who have incurred any banking-related fees in the previous statement period an additional fee. This new fee, called the Fee Incursion Fee, will be calculated by drawing an arbitrary percentage against your existing account balance. This will be especially ridiculous because you don't even have much money left anyway.

Friday, September 10, 2010

The country of Greece, geographically situated in the southeastern part of Europe, will close soon due to a lack of money.

Government officials have released details of a 2-step plan of action. The first part, being referred to by the words "Austerity" and "Action", was begun as recently as last week, according to received reports. After continuing on for a brief while, it will be followed by the country closing its borders for an as-yet unannounced period of time ("Step 2").

The country, inspired by an ancient civilization of the same name considered by many intellectuals to have been the birthplace of what's currently widely referred to as Modern Critical Thought, was quoted as saying:

"We probably wouldn't at this point be of much use, or have a whole lot to contribute to, what's going on these days--Nothing that would be of much help. So I think we'll just sit this one out."

An obscure religious leader in the U.S. state of FLORIDA has threatened to burn the Koran (Holy Book of Islam) on the upcoming 9th Anniversary of the First Widely Acknowledged Domestic U.S. Terrorist Attacks. Today we turned on the BBC Radio News and learned the religious leader had previously been a member of the Christian leadership in Cologne, Germany, and had been thrown out-- of both the leadership and of the country. Reasons given: he was accused of funneling church funds to his own financial benefit; also was described as power-hungry and emotionally controlling.

First we'd heard of it in 7 days of relentless reporting by the domestic U.S. news. We will now return to hiding under our blankets.