I am The Bobbu. I was named Mr Matthew John Rainford by my parents. Like many things placed upon me over my life, it didn’t fit. I first changed it to The Matthew Bobbu, and I have now changed it again to The Bobbu Abadeer. Because I chose it, and we should all have the right to choose who we are.

I am neurodivergent, and I always have been. In a whole bunch of ways. While I will use descriptors ascribed by mental health practitioners so that I can get the help I need, I believe our model of diagnosing mental health issues is not sufficient, so I prefer to say that I am neurodivergent and leave it at that. The expectations of society on how I should think, do not fit.

I am queer. I have never known a time when I was not. Pansexual, specifically, but I will also accept bisexual or queer as descriptors, because my sexuality is as open as can be. It is also a complex interaction of physical, emotional, and intellectual reactions to people, that makes my attraction to people dependent very much on more than any one factor of themselves. Societies expectations of my sexuality do not fit me.

I am a relationship anarchist. I have known this since my mid-teens, when I started dating. I will also accept polyamorous as a descriptor of my orientation; and I do feel that my approach to relationships is a part of who I am as a person, not just a choice of how I interact with relationships. I choose to express that orientation through relationship anarchy, in which relationships are defined only by those in them, with no expectations set from without. I am fundamentally incompatible with monogamy, because the reasoning behind it makes no sense to me. It does not fit me.

I am agender. I was not able to recognise it until recently, but I always have been. I don’t have a gender, and I don’t want a gender. Recognising this has meant I am able to see the shit I have been through in a new light, and realise how society’s expectations of me based on my assumed gender do not fit me.