Best and worst Super Bowl commercials

As the TV announcers and NFL analysts continue the time-honored tradition of dissecting the Super Bowl game as it happens, we carry on the equally-important tradition of dissecting the latest crop of Super Bowl commercials.

Doritos: Goat for sale
Just like most of the films I’ve seen lately, this one started out awesome and ended with a “meh.”

GoDaddy.com “Kiss” commercial
All I have to say out this is…EEW. And the kiss noises. Just stop it.

Pepsi NEXT
Pepsi joins the competition for our vending machine change by throwing everything at the wall to see what will stick. And a man does stick to the wall, with duct tape. There’s also a dancing unicorn, a bleeped-out expletive, and a guy pouring milk over his head. There seems to be a sheep somewhere in the room. All this commercial needs is Lady Gaga.

Toyota RAV4 with Kaley Cuoco
This has everything I could want in a commercial. Magic, talking animals, outer space, beating up on tiresome men (did anyone else notice that the mom never got a turn, while the dad got THREE turns??).

Doritos’ tea party
The lesson men should take from this commercial? Your daughter can use Doritos to convince your friend to dance around in your wife’s wedding dress, and to the outside observer, it will be hilarious.

Danica Patrick in yet another GoDaddy.co commercial

Who is Danica Patrick? Just kidding. But seriously, can we stop putting Danica Patrick in commercials?
Danica Patrick aside, this ad is pretty funny, particularly because people steal my awesome ideas all the time.

Hyundai Sonata Turbo
Here’s why I like this commercial. You start out with a major “what the heck are they showing me?” moment, and then it turns into something that I can totally relate to. And that’s how you sell a Sonata. Ok, so they haven’t sold me a Sonata. I’m not buying one. But I definitely think YOU should.

The infamous “Jamaican” Volkswagen driver
Is it racist? Or isn’t it? The commercial-critique world is split on this one. The controversy detracts from the real story here, which is that it’s just not that great of a commercial. And we know Volkswagen can do better.

Controversial Coca-Cola commercial
The story of this commercial demonstrates how the entire process of making (and leaking) Super Bowl commercials has gotten way out of hand. You can read more here, but basically, Coca-Cola releases a preview of an ad, critics explode with charges of racism, then Coca-Cola explains the back story of the ad, critics, respond, and now we’re all tired of it and we don’t want any Coca-Cola. (Oh yeah, and the related contest website was “undergoing scheduled maintenance” during the game)

Old scooter man in the Taco Bell teaser
Perhaps I’m immature, but I love random acts of destruction. Add old people to the mix and it’s comedy gold. This is just a teaser, so I was excited to learn that even more awesomeness was coming.

Then I saw this, and I was underwhelmed. The teaser commercial was better. Although, the suspenders tattoo guy at the end of this spot is just perfect.

Third quarter

Blackberry
What the Blackberry can’t do, is not create a great Super Bowl ad. If you didn’t get the double negative, I did love this commercial. They had me at the colorful explosion, and the semi turning into rubber ducks made it magical.

E-Trade
What E-Trade should have done this year is find a new gimmick.

Bud Light Lucky Chair
Perfect use of a New Orleans angle, and you can believe what you want, but I think the spell worked.

Wonderful Pistachios “Crackin’ Gangnam Style”

I’m really glad Psy got to have his Super Bowl moment, since he’s clearly bigger than Beyonce. She shared the stage with Destiny’s Child, he shared the stage with pistachios. And now, “Gangnam Style” can be put out of its misery. Right??

Fourth quarter

Baby Clydesdale
Anheuser-Busch’s adorable baby Clydesdale spot is, of course, heart-meltingly adorable. As an added bonus, there’s the audience-participation factor, since there is now a Twitter contest to name the baby Clydesdale.

Beck’s Sapphire
This fish is creepy. I do not want to drink a beer with it.

Kia – Where babies come from
Good thing the kids went to bed before this spot aired, or they’d have gone to bed thinking they came from a wonderful, fantastical planet that focuses its entire existence on the cutest astronauts that have ever lived. And now I totally want that “shut up the kids instantly with music” thing in my car.

Mercedes does another ad with Kate Upton
I still have no idea who Kate Upton is, but this commercial was just as good as the first, more controversial, car-washing ad.

In case you missed that first video, here it is again.

Samsung “The Next Big Thing”
They really saved all the best commercials for the fourth quarter, didn’t they? Except for that creepy fish. I never want to see that fish again. Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen, I could watch you again in the future.

Dodge “God Made a Farmer”
Best commercial of the Super Bowl. The others don’t even come close. The End.