Nothing comforts like a well-written sympathy note... but these are the hardest to write! I will show you how to compose a sensitive message that does not preach or judge. Yours will be a MEMORABLE CONDOLENCE NOTE.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Sympathy Cards since the Roaring 20's

Did you know that "sympathy cards" used to be sent by the decedent's family?

According to Hallmark
archivist and historian Sharman Roberts, in the 19th century flat, engraved
cards were sent as announcements of a person's death. Somber, edged in black,
and often with an image of the deceased or their headstone, recipients would
immediately know its purpose.

Sympathy
cards to the bereaved were first
offered in the 1920’s

Yes, during those Roaring 20's when many Victorian traditions were shrugged off, Hallmark dipped a toe in the water to flip the script on the sympathy card. Today,
friends of the bereaved want their sympathy cards to express comfort and hope, with sincerity
not syrup. Off the rack (I prefer you use their e-cards for occasions other
than sympathy,) Hallmark’s hundreds of styles range from general to
specific.

loss of a baby or miscarriage,

military death,

death of a mutual friend,

loss of a spouse,

sudden and unexpected death
including death by accidents,

loss of a family member, and

in 1984, sympathy cards for pet loss,
were added.

I think using a situation-specific
card is fine

But consider its inscription as your ‘opening lines.’ Then proceed to
handwrite your own feelings and thoughts. I used to tell writers, “that’s what the blank left panel is for,”
but many cards now contain text on both inner panels. Find a way to fit your
message in the margins…enclose a sheet of paper…or find another card!

I like to encourage condolence note
writers to relax about timing

You do not need to rush to write and send a note--because grief
is like a winding river. Your message will be a gift whenever it arrives.

At a 2012 conference of the
Association for Death Education and Counseling® (ADEC), the oldest
interdisciplinary organization in the field of bereavement, the dynamics of extended
grief were discussed. When someone suffers a significant loss, their grief can
last for months or even years after the loss. Hallmark offers cards with an encouraging tone for
ongoing grief support. [Hallmark source]

Many people like to bring their card to the funeral home. If you can gather your thoughts and compose a caring, sensitive note in a short window of time, do so. Otherwise, remember that, even if you do not have the home (or business) address of the individual you wish to write to, you can mail the card to the funeral home, which will be happy to forward it.

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About Me

I assisted families with funerals for many years, valuing every story, tear, and hug!
Since publishing my book in 1999, I've held classes and workshops on how to write a supportive condolence note. We're a lot more mobile now, and my eBook and blog enable me to reach readers around the world. How great is this: caring has no borders or ethnic label!