Thursday, January 31, 2013

I’m a big believer in
positive reinforcement. When I was in 6th grade, my teacher talked
me into signing up for the basketball team he coached. I was lousy—but he kept
a patient eye on me, corrected me when I was wrong, and instilled in me both the
belief that I could do better, and the desire to do so.

The next fall when I
entered 7th grade, I signed up for basketball once again—and just
between us, I was still pretty lousy. But my new coach was a different breed
than my former coach had been—and he had a completely different philosophy. Instead
of encouraging me and reminding me what I’d done right, he derided me and criticized
me in front of my fellow teammates. Eventually, shamed and humiliated, I left
the team—and ultimately the game altogether.

In retrospect, both
coaches taught me a valuable lesson: When you want someone to succeed and get
it right, gently correcting and encouraging them is going to go a lot further
than angry insults and humiliation.

Institutions—since they’re
also made up of humans—tend to respond the same way we do as individuals.
That’s why I think it’s important to recognize institutions, like the Mormon
Church, when they take positive steps toward better understanding LGBT individuals
both in and outside the faith.

As an openly gay, active Latter-day Saint
serving as a priesthood leader in my local congregation as my authentic self—an
openly gay man, I’m keenly interested in how my church understands LGBT
inclusion and equality. Don’t get me wrong—I’m among the first to realize that
we have a challenging road ahead of us—and have no problem pointing out areas
where we’re still weak.

But I also know this is
going to be a long game. So I’m borrowing a page from my 6th grade
basketball coach’s playbook, and giving praise for what I think are the most
optimistic gay Mormon moments of 2012—in the hopes that my faith continues to
move forward with Christ-like love and full inclusion of its LGBT members.

Because that’s where our
Savior wants us to be.

1.Straight Mormons form grass-roots LGBT ally and advocate groups.

Mormons
Building Bridges emerged onto the scene earlier this year, with a stated
goal of conveying love and acceptance to LGBT individuals, both in and outside
the faith. Throughout the year the group hosted and participated in a variety
of activities to build those bridges—ranging from local community meetings, to
partnering with Ogden OUTreach Center
for a homeless gay youth placement program, and marching in Pride Parades
across the country.

Mormons for Marriage Equality
actually went a step further, and actively coalesced Mormon and interfaith
allies to actively campaign to support gay marriage initiatives in several
states across the country this year—helping ensure a big win for LGBT marriage
equality in 2012.

2.Straight allies and LGBT Mormons march in over twenty Pride Parades
across the globe—including Santiago,
Chile.

You can get a sense of the
magnitude of these events here. When I
led the San Francisco Pride contingent, we were joined by some friends from NBC.
Later that evening over dinner, one of the producers—who had little previous
experience with Mormons—shared that this was among the most spiritual events
she’d ever witnessed. The looks of shock from the onlookers as we marched
behind a banner that said, “Mormons for Marriage Equality” were replaced with
tears, hugs, and heartfelt “thank-you’s” from both sides. Healing has begun,
and just maybe the ugliness of our involvement in Proposition 8 is beginning to
mend.

It’s no secret that the
suicide rate of LGBT Mormons is significantly higher than the national average,
and for decades Mormon parents of gay youth have felt compelled to choose
between their church and their children. But now we have evidence-based science
blended with the best parts of the Mormon faith that helps parents realize they
don’t have to choose, and gives them specific behavioral guidance that will
help keep their families together, and help protect their children from
significant health risks—including depression and suicide. Coauthored by a
former Mormon bishop (and active member) and now being used by many
congregations across the country, this is a big stride forward for the safety
of LGBT Mormon youth.

The release of
mormonsandgays.org was a big step for a conservative organization like the
Mormon Church. And while it’s not perfect, wrapped inside some of the vignettes
are glimpses of genuine understanding and Christ-like love. True, there are
still some challenges here—such as the lack of any clear call to action or
resources to help protect gay kids—but the Mormons may be among the only major conservative
faiths to have a web resource for leaders and families. It’s a small step—but
small steps matter. They add up.

Reid, among the highest
ranking Mormons in the U.S.
government, evolved his position and came out in opposition to the Church’s
official stand on gay marriage. "My personal belief is that marriage is
between a man and a woman. But in a civil society, I believe that people should
be able to marry whomever they want, and it's no business of mine if two men or
two women want to get married," Reid said. And maybe the best part is that
by taking a stand, Reid gave other Mormons permission to stand for the right
thing, as well.

Showing how attitudes are
changing among young gay Mormons and how they understand themselves in relation
to their faith—and demonstrating the support of their straight fellows—these
first videos spurred additional participation by BYU students, and the videos
themselves went viral across the planet and generated national media attention.

***

There you have it—my top
picks of the most optimistic gay Mormon moments of 2012.

This certainly isn’t an
exhaustive list—and it certainly isn’t perfect. But given the Mormon faith’s
painful history with the LGBT community, I think it’s a pretty good year when
we can look back and come up with any reasons to be hopeful—let alone a
half-dozen.

All this makes me wonder
what would happen if we in the LGBT community were a bit more like my 6th
grade basketball coach, and the next time we ran into a Mormon we said
something like, “Hey, thanks for showing up to march in Pride!” or “Nice job on
the website—it’s important we start talking about these things.” Maybe we’d
instill in the Mormon community what my coach instilled within me: The belief
that we can do better, and the desire to do so.