Make a bad first impression at roller derby practice

If you’re new to roller derby, or just new to a particular team or situation, there are a few common ways to make a bad first impression. Go nuts! Later, you can work up to advanced bad impressions at roller derby practice by saying things like “I don’t jam” or “I only jam.”

Show up late

If you can, if you show up late, put your gear on at a leisurely pace while staring at the track blankly.

Leave early

Be sure not to tell anyone ahead of time! Just take off! Create a mysterious aura. Who is that girl? What’s her deal?

Roll your eyes or sass the coach

Make sure everyone knows that the upcoming drill will be of no use to you whatsoever, since you OBVIOUSLY know how plow stop/skate in a pace line already.

Decide when to take your own breaks

Feel a bit peckish? Go have a snack! Thirsty? Sure, you’ve been skating for a good five or ten minutes straight. Go leave your group to get a nice, long quaff.

Yell at a ref

Why would referees know anything about the rules? Perhaps they need to be educated. What better way that to give them immediate, loud feedback on that elbow call you just got?

Create your own interpretation of the term “sprint lap”

Some people say “sprinting” means “going as fast as you can.” Get creative! Shape your own meaning. Maybe to you, the term means “going as fast as I feel like at the moment,” or “going only slightly faster than my normal pace in order to draw this process out as long as possible.”