scribbles tagged ‘fridge’

The old fridge that came with the house 5 years ago has just reached too-much-rattling for my liking. Then it had the audacity to add squealing and leaking to its repertoire.

I wish the fridge had given me at least a week’s notice of its impending demise. Maybe sent me a text or a calendar appointment. A week is the time it will probably take to get one delivered, standard delivery. Meanwhile, I’ll improvise….

Second in a seriess of Wednesday Wendy International Standards of Experience (WISE) reports that bring you the information on products and services that could affect your happiness and health.

This pile of junk has wasted a lot of my time and money (user quote)

The Fab28 in not FAB (Wendy quote)

A recently published user review study gives preliminary indications that 1950’s style Smeg Fridge (FAB28)* is aesthetically pleasing, expensive and functionally f******. This Smeg fridge scored a severe health warning level of 26% on the Wendy International Standard for Experiences (WISE) because of its unreliable, expensive, breaking parts, poor support service and short life that left people fridgeless and with water damage to their homes. The score scraped itw way up to the depths of 26% due to the branding, size and visual styling that influenced users’ original purchase decision.

Individual reviews on unbeatable.co.uk suggest that the compressors break, the seals don’t work, the shelves smash, it turns itself on and off, it leaks, replacement parts are outrageously expensive.

Reviews at ‘the review centre’ are predominantly critical with a couple of pleased users. The comments confirm expensive parts that are prone to breaking. Buying a new door because the seals break, a frequently mentioned problem, costs more than replacing the fridge.

Mumzie: GWENDOLYN! Remember to shut the fridge door after you’ve used the milk

Wendy: ………

In the US my fridge door was weighted, it fell shut automatically. Slightly irritating when making a cup of tea at a leisurely pace. Here in the UK my fridge door is not weighted. If I forget to shut it the fridge tries to cool the whole kitchen.

The 1980’s UK social classification of electrical products divided into ‘white goods’ (fridge, washing machine, Iron, etc) and ‘black goods’ (TV, Hi-Fi etc). This division was reflected in the location of the items in shops and the marketing styles.

The only electrical goods that came with me from America fall outside the colour classification by being red (laptop & camera) or silver (network drive). The new old Wendy House came with some white goods (fridge, cooker, microwave, combination boiler, radiators) and no black goods.

Should I buy some form of black goods?

This is a non-trivial question. Judging by Bang and Olufsenâ€™s website it is a decision the price of a small car. Iâ€™m not spending that much moneyâ€¦.

For those people that do not like to take their tea wet, in water, infused, my local Fridge supplies a dried, pill format. It made me wonder how people ‘wash down’ the pill, with a swig of water? On the rare occassions I have to swallow something dry I normally wash it down with a mug of Tea.

House party! As we entered the house my friends seemed to melt into the colourful crowd of over-dressed and under-weared party-goers. This was the 80’s. The house awash with colour, exotic make-up and loud loud underwear. I made my way towards the kitchen in search of alcohol to mellow the noisey tones. A crowd had gathered around the doorway and against the kitchen counters. In a large arc with the fridge, and Burnel, at it’s apex.

Burnel, simultaneously beside, around, and on top of the fridge. Wearing his performance persona. At first I didn’t recognize him. The imaccualte make-up, tight fitting black leather trousers wrapping themselves around and over the fridge, the cape gently obeying the movements of his body. Girls giggled. Boys smirked. Gradually they lost interest and dispersed into the main rooms of the party.

I stood riveted to the scene. To me a fridge is cold, angular, almost definitively unsensuous. Yet here, with his own movements, Burnel managed to imbue the fridge with a delicate coquetishness. It was clearly desirable. He may have acknowledged my presence with a glance, I may have said ‘hello’. It’s unlikely. The fridge was undoubtedly recieving his undivided attention and I certainly didn’t want to break the unique experience he was building. I suspect I remained in the kitchen watching him for the duration of the performance. I certainly pondered on that philosophically fundamental question

‘whatis it like to be a fridge?‘

Several months later on a nightclub dancefloor I found the answer. Burnel spontaneously mistook me for a fridge. My compressor promptly broke, resulting in giggle fits and an unceremonious dash to the shadows for emotional repairs.

Inhabitants of the fridge (Adonis, BSBM and WildGirl) know HOW I live. They checkout my nightly visits for basic necessities of either beer, teabags, kitty food/litter, cheese or sanitary towels.

Tonight was a beer night.

Adonis: <twists round from his check-out to review my purchase on the next check-out> “can you share one of those with me? <flashes dental masterpiece over his shoulder while scanning his customers goods>

Wendy: Tough night?

Adonis: its going that way <simultaneously answers the phone, scans an item, twists round, smiling and fanning his transparant eyelashes at me. The boy is a multi-talented mutli-tasker>