Bruins’ Christmas wish list

The Bruins hit the 36-game mark sitting at 24-10-2 for a total of 50 points, good for first place in the Atlantic Division. That being said, there are certainly some things that the team could put on its Christmas wish list. Here are a few that the writers at Bruins Daily felt the team could hope to receive this holiday season.
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Joe Makarski

Milan Lucic

A pair of boxing gloves: With Shawn Thornton suspended, the Bruins are left with very few enforcers. Lucic likes to throw the gloves down every once in a while, but he might want to keep his hockey gloves on for offensive purposes as the team’s leading scorer. He can replace those gloves with boxing ones should he decide to engage in fisticuffs against a willing opponent. After all, the last thing the Bruins need are more injuries.

An Olympic medal: He's already won a Stanley Cup, and if it weren’t for Tim Thomas’s incredible playoff run, he would have a Conn Smythe Trophy under his belt as well. An Olympic gold medal would be equally as sweet. The Bruins’ top center will be part of a pretty deep Czech Republic squad in Sochi for the 2014 Winter Games.

Wrestling lessons with Bret “The Hitman” Hart: Like Lucic, Iginla likes to drop the gloves every once in a while. But instead of trying to fight his way to a knockout and risk further injury on his dislocated finger, maybe the longtime Flames captain can learn a few grappling techniques from the legendary WWE wrestler who also hails from Calgary, Alberta. Iginla could very well be a sharpshooter when he completes his course with Hart.

Singing lessons from Rene Rancourt: Shortly after winning the Stanley Cup a couple of years ago, Marchand provided 98.5 with his alter ego, “Rad Marchand,” who sang some fine ’80s tunes such as “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” and “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” His voice wasn’t up to par, but with some help from the legendary Bruins national anthem singer, it should improve in no time. When all is said and done, Toucher and Rich could give Bruins fans something they have long been waiting for: a duet between “Rad Marchand” and “New Jack Edwards.”

A statue next to Bobby Orr’s: What can you say about Bergeron? He is the heartbeat of the Bruins. What he did last year in the Stanley Cup Final — playing with torn cartilage in his side, a broken rib, and a punctured lung — was almost barbaric, but that is the kind of teammate Bergeron is. He is as consistent a player in all three zones as there is in the National Hockey League. He is a leader who leads by example and has been doing it for a long time. One day his jersey will be high above the ice level, but let’s work on getting this guy a statue, too.

A football helmet: After missing just three regular-season games over the previous five seasons, Eriksson finds himself in unfamiliar territory — battling back from lingering concussion symptoms after a couple of head shots. The first-year Bruin needs to take a trip down to Patriot Place to get fitted for a helmet made by Riddell.

A drink with Tyler Seguin: In the trade that sent Seguin to Dallas, many around the area viewed Smith as a “throw-in,” but with 25 points in 36 games, that’s hardly been the case. At this point, both players should be thankful for each other, and I would love to be a fly on the wall during a conversation between the two.

A megaphone: OK, maybe this is more of a wish for members of the Boston media. For anyone who has spoken to Soderberg one-on-one, it’s quite a task capturing an audible sound bite, and a megaphone would do just the trick for the former St. Louis Blues draft pick.

Indestructible legs: With two unfortunate injuries over the past two seasons, it's clear that Kelly needs some indestructible legs. He is currently sporting a walking boot thanks to a broken fibula via a Pascal Dupuis slash.

Some shellac: No, I don’t mean something to brighten up the shine on his wooden deck. As customary as a Rene Rancourt national anthem at a TD Garden game is a Daniel Paille scoring opportunity at least once a night. It’s unfathomable to think how many career goals the former Sabre would have if he could finish only half the time.

A Sportsman of the Year Award: Forget Peyton Manning. Campbell defines a teammate who went above and beyond his duties. In last season’s Eastern Conference finals against Pittsburgh, he took a slapshot that broke his leg while killing a penalty. Campbell rose to his feet slowly and stayed on the ice for the remainder of the penalty kill, moving gingerly and grimacing. He never let his teammates down. He wants no credit for it, either. He was just “doing what was right for his team.” This was in the midst of a run to the Stanley Cup Final, while Manning won the award for having a good regular season. Give me a break.

A reduced suspension: We all know that what Thornton did to Brooks Orpik was wrong. Very wrong. But 15 games is a little excessive. Thornton was very apologetic and remorseful. This is the first suspension of his career, and that has to play into the equation. By no means am I saying Thornton was in the right, but James Neal’s knee to Brad Marchand’s head in the same game had the same intent as Thornton’s slew foot and punches: the intent to injure. Thornton is a stand-up guy who made a very big mistake, but the bigger mistake is giving him 15 games. I know it is the Christmas season and we are all about giving, but Gary Bettman, calm down.

Some playing time: With all the injuries to Boston’s forwards, Spooner was once again recalled from Providence on Dec. 8. After giving Spooner sporadic playing time during the last road trip, Claude Julien is finally giving him consistent time, most notably in Saturday’s game against Buffalo. Spooner logged more than 16 minutes, resulting in one assist. NHL-ready now, NHL-ready last year.

Better Wi-Fi in the press box: If you’ve ever had the luxury of sitting on Level 9 at TD Garden, you know very well how the Wi-Fi connection works — or doesn’t work, for that matter. Even with iPhones, Androids, and all those other smartphones, playing games and browsing the Internet is so much easier with a solid Wi-Fi connection. Any time the connection is slow, or not working at all, it creates one messy experience. As someone who spends as much time in the press box as the media do, Caron knows about the Garden Wi-Fi. Have you ever tried to crush candy with a spotty connection?

A Cover Girl makeup kit: Fraser got a long-awaited callup from Providence to give the Bruins some life. He had 16 goals and 5 assists in 23 games for the Baby B’s, but things didn’t go as planned in the NHL. Fraser dropped the gloves with Buffalo’s Marcus Foligno and got pounded. He may need some help to look like himself for the holidays: “Easy Breezy Beautiful Cover Girl.”

A snowmobile: We all know Chara’s routine when there is a home game: He rides his bicycle from his North End home to the Garden. But how does Big Z get to work in the snow? All we need is the two-wheeler slipping on a wet street and the Bruins workhorse going down with an injury. We cannot take risks here. Let’s hope Santa gets him the snowmobile so he has some traction.

An Olympic bid: Since 1998-99, Seidenberg has appeared in more than 50 international games wearing the crest of Germany, his home country. For the first time in history (without sanctions), Germany’s men’s ice hockey team failed to qualify for the Winter Games. At the age of 32, there’s no guarantee that Seidenberg will get the opportunity to represent his homeland again in Olympic action.

Part ownership of Johnny Rockets: Although he’s known to be a very physical defenseman, Boychuk’s main weapon in his trademark “Johnny Rocket” slapshot. So it’s only appropriate for him to have part ownership of a hamburger franchise at a food court near you.

The German version of Rosetta Stone: For those of you who watch the series “Behind The B,” you know exactly what I am talking about. Earlier this month, Bartkowski was caught on camera trying to speak German and, well, it didn’t work so well. Maybe with the help of Rosetta Stone, Bartkowski can learn the language.

A stool for photos: Last week, the Bruins’ official Twitter account tweeted out a photo of Krug, Brad Marchand, Tuukka Rask, and David Krejci delivering toys to kids in Boston hospitals. Krug wasn’t happy, as he accused Marchand of standing on tippy-toes to avoid being the shortest. If Krug had a stool to stand on, this wouldn’t be an issue.

A sympathy card, chocolates, and flowers: Miller did everything the Bruins asked of him. He stepped in flawlessly on defense. He even scored a game-winning goal. But what did that get him? A trip back to Providence. Miller couldn’t catch a break, but he understood what the team was doing with the 10-game waiver rule. He knows the demotion was not because of poor play. But you have to feel bad for him around the holidays. Someone find his address.

A lifetime supply of milk crates: Rask’s meltdown as a member of the Providence Bruins is still worth watching because of the milk crates. So rather than have the arena supply the crates, Santa might as well give Rask a lifetime supply, in case he decides to vent again.

An Ochocinco jersey: As a backup, you need to have a little fun. So how does Johnson not change his name to “Ochocinco” like the former NFL star? Sure, Johnson does not run his mouth like the real Ochocinco, nor does he celebrate his saves the way Ochocinco would celebrate his touchdown catches. But it wouldn’t hurt to have an Ochocinco jersey lying around to throw off opponents.

A degree from one of Boston’s finest medical schools: For several weeks, the bench boss has had to shuffle his lineup because of injuries and illness. He has no answer as to why this is happening — he even said that he’s “a coach and not a doctor” when asked about the illnesses in the locker room. But a degree from one of Boston’s finest medical schools would do the trick, no?

Some healthy hockey players: With the Bruins going through a severe case of the injury bug, Chiarelli & Co. have had their hands full trying to put together a roster. Luckily, the organization is deep with talent and the Bruins haven't missed a beat. Despite that, Chiarelli would love to wake to up Wednesday morning with some healthy players under his tree.

His own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame: Neely may have made only one cameo appearance as Sea Bass in the wildly entertaining “Dumb and Dumber” film, but we here at Bruins Daily think it was good enough to get him on the Walk of Fame. After all, Jim Carrey has a star and Jeff Daniels should have one, so why not a spot for Neely?