InterFaith Forum essay contest

Virtue is its own reward, but a little scholarship money
wouldn't hurt either, right?

If you're a secondary school student in grades 9-12 and you
live or go to school in Monroe County, here's your chance. The InterFaith Forum
of Rochester sponsors an annual essay contest honoring the memory of the Rev.
James A. Rice. The topic is "Building Community: Bridging Our Differences."

Don't worry, no one expects you to have built the
cross-cultural equivalent of the Golden Gate Bridge. If you've built any bridge
spanning differences between people, even if you think it's more along the
lines of the Ford Street Bridge, you're encouraged to apply.

Your essay should discuss facing differences and developing
understanding and cooperation among people from diverse backgrounds in the
Rochester area. Some differences you might want to explore include ethnic,
national, cultural, racial, religious, economic, sexual orientation, or
disabilities. Write about things you have seen or done. Remember to include
practical ideas for bridging differences, improving mutual understanding, and
building community. You don't want your bridge to resemble a sand castle in the
sky.

The essay length is two to three pages, using 12 point type.
After what you've been through with the New York State Learning Standards and
No Child Left Behind Act, it'll be a piece of cake.

Your essay must be postmarked no later than October 29,
2004. First prize is $150.00. For more information, and to get a registration
form, go to http://www.ggw.org/~buildcommunity/guidelines.html or call Isabel
Morrison at 585-654-5989.

Hurting

Toddlers are determined and tireless social scientists,
pushing the frontiers of human relations with their new abilities. At some
point in their early lives, they discover that they can hit, bite, pinch, and
pull our hair. It is exciting experimentation. The child wonders, "What happens
when I do this?" "Is the response dependable?"

Parents react with pain and surprise when their child first
begins to intentionally hurt them. "We never taught little Bruno to hurt
people. Why is he doing this?" Most of us say, "Ouch! Stop that!" Then we talk
and pay more attention to the child, reinforcing the behavior and prompting more
hurting.

Our responses change with our moods and patience, and
increase with repeated injuries. Some parents even hit, bite, and pinch their
kids back. While painful to the child, this simply models and reinforces the
value of causing pain. The toddler learns, "This is powerful."

Parental reactions to these experiments begin to shape the
meaning of cruel exchanges in each child's life. What do we want to teach our
children about the value of intentionally hurting other people?

I recommend a simple, consistent response. When your child
begins to explore hurting: stop talking, make no eye contact, turn them around
and put them down on the floor, away from you, every time, over and over. The
unspoken message, repeatedly, is: "Hurting behavior leads to social isolation."
Balancing this with constant attention for their gentleness, we hope our
children learn the subtle power of kindness.