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Being a lady

Probably not many because being a lady has gone out of fashion — it is seen as outdated, unnecessary, a way of holding women back and making them weaker in society. But when women reject ladylike traits, they become brash, harsh and hard, more critical, more competitive, bitter, frustrated, bad mannered, more vulgar in their language and their dress, louder and we are seeing an increase female drunkenness, drug taking, violence.

I grew up with some wonderful examples of ladies, my aunts and mother were all taught to be ladies as young women (both at home and at school) and as a result, they acted like ladies all their lives. It wasn't just in the way they dressed, it also in the way they spoke, walked, ate, behaved towards others, conducted their business, ran their homes and treated their husbands, children and other friends and family. I feel very privileged to have had such wonderful role models in my life, but sadly, not many women do these days.

Interestedly, whilst modern women reject the ideal of being a lady, millions flock to watch programmes such as "Downton Abby" or rave about the Duchess of Cambridge — because, deep down, whilst many women think being a lady is old fashion, they still like seeing it. Whilst many are attracted to Hollywood stars, it is women such as Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Helen Mirren and Cat Blanchett that are see as truly beautiful because they were/are ladies in stark contrast to the ugliness of women like Kim Kardashian and the like.

Of course, deciding to be a lady, isn't only because its the right thing to do, its because the Word of God instructs women to behave in a certain such as . . .

Be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. (1 Timothy 3:11)

Speaks with wisdom and teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26)

Modest apparel, with propriety and moderation (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband (Proverbs 12:4)

Opens her hand to the poor (Proverbs 31:20)

Meek and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4)

So how should a modern lady act? — here is my list of what I consider to be traits of a lady and to be honest, nothing on this is list is impossible and we can all do them. The art of being a lady is relevant today as it was in days gone by and it is accessible to every woman — young and old. It doesn't make us weaker or have less power, in fact it makes us stronger and more beautiful on the inside.

Be complimentary

Kind

Meditate on what is pure and lovely

Be respectful of others

Walk in faith

Smile—a lady knows that her smile is her best accessory

Thoughtful

Generous with your time, wisdom and resources

Caring

Gentle and quiet spirit

Happy and joyful

Positive outlook on life

Sincere

Discreet

Well mannered

Walk graciously

Be in control of yourself

Neat and organised

Helpmate to your husband

Create peaceful environment for family and friends

Talk calmly and quietly

Know when to be quiet

Listen more than you speak

Don’t interrupt others when they are talking

Be on time

Apologies when late

Always say “please” and “thank you“

Remember birthdays and send thank you notes

Send sick notes and messages of encouragement to those in need

Offer to help others in need

Gives up your spot in the line for someone else

Be a gracious guest

Be knowledgeable and well read

Thank the host for the lovely meal or afternoon tea, send a follow-up note of thanks

Carry yourself with confidence

Dress the part—don’t have to wear a suit or dress but a lady always wears clean, coordinated clothing

When in doubt, dress up rather than down

Dress with style and not trashy

Dress with others in mind

Ladies don’t wear clothes that are revealing and immodest

Keep make-up to a minimum

Keep jewellery that is tasteful and stylish

When popping down to the shop, make some effort in what you wear

Be nice to your server; not because it’s nice, but because we’re human beings

If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and apologise

Drink responsibly when out with visitors

Tuck in your chair when you get up to leave

It’s not always what you say—it’s also how you say it

Extends your hand to the needy

Undertakes good and godly work

Understands that beauty is on the inside

A lady never takes pleasure in the misfortunes of others

Tracksuits and sneakers belong at home and not in public

A lady will not flaunt herself, her valuables, or her accomplishments

A lady is not self-absorbed

Never lose your cool, a lady doesn’t lose her temper

If you have nothing good to say then don’t say anything at all

Actions speak louder than words

Ladies don’t use their mobile phones when enjoying the company of others

If you have to take a call on the mobile, leave the group for a few moments (apologies)

Ladies don’t put down their husbands and children to others

Ladies don’t take about money problems to others

If you say you will do something, follow up on it

Eat with others in mind

A lady doesn’t start fights

Always classy, never trashy

Be refined, polite and well-spoken

Keep your legs together when you get into or out of a car

Don’t gossip

Don't babble

Don't force your opinions on others

Don’t over indulge

Don’t be drunk and disorderly

Don’t spread rumours

Don’t swear

Don’t bite your nails

Don’t talk loud and overbearing

Don't talk over others when they are talking

Don’t laugh loudly

Don’t chew or talk with your mouth open

Don't place elbows on the table

Don’t be a drama queen. It’s unpleasant for those around you.

Don’t groom in public

Don’t spit

Don't be wild, untamed

Don't act masculine, macho, tough

Don’t laugh at another’s mistake

Don’t be hurtful to others

Don’t leave mess where you go

Don’t sit with your legs wide apart in a skirt

Don't sit with your skirt up well pass the knees

Don’t shout on the street, laugh noisily

Don’t make fun of others

No unsavoury jokes

Don’t give false compliments

Don’t take out your bad mood on others

Don’t flirt with men

Do not interrupt people speaking to you

Don’t be ignorant

Don't be foolish

And I would like to end with a photo of the four women who had the most impact on my life, these women (all sisters) were ladies, beautiful both on the outside and the inside. The first three are my aunts (all now in heaven), the last sister, is my mother (the youngest) and she has been an invaluable teacher and role model in my life. These christian women truly were precious.

And the reason why they were so ladylike - their mother (below), one needs to be a role model to other women, especially daughters, nieces, grand-daughters. If they see us acting ladylike, they themselves will follow.

Survival of the fittest, always wanting to be the one in the spotlight and only caring about one's self seem to be the rules of the day. This post says the opposite - but reflects the way that the Bible teaches us to be. How much less stressful!!!love,Bets

I agree with the things you have said. I try (and think I am successful most of the time) to behave like a lady. I can remember my mother telling me to be ladylike when I was a girl. That is a long list though...I find it something to work toward as i am certainly not capable of conquering all 100 all the time. I think I will print your list out though and hang it in my bedroom. Very nice post.

A really beautiful post. Your family line of lovely, dignified ladies is a wonderful heritage for you. I felt really blessed by everything you wrote here, and also challenged to do better and exhibit more ladylike behavior towards my 3 daughters and grand daughter.

I think I will also print out your list. Thanks so much. God bless you for sharing this lovely post.

Wow, what a wonderful post and I love the list you shared. Reading it showed me that there are definity some more points I need to work on with being a lady! Thank you so much for sharing ... I was so inspired and encouraged that I passed this along to my other sisters to read as well:) Blessings, ~Sarah (visiting from Radical Femininity)

What a lovely mother honouring post and you have some excellent points on how to be a lady. You are so right that this is fading into the recesses of history and it is great to have a reminder to be a lady. Thanks for sharing at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings

I have known few true ladies in my life, sadly, and even more sad is how little I have done to emulate those few! Thank you for this needed prodding to get my act together! I am definitely copying this list and am going to do a bible study on the subject! I have one daughter and another on the way and I watch my older daughter becoming more like me as she grows, which is not exactly flattering. Most of the things on the list, I notice, can be summed up in the idea of acting with others in mind--the golden rule! May God help us in this endeavor!

Perhaps you can be the trail blazer in your family and show them what a lady looks like :)) Being a lady is not just about the way you dress and act, its very much about how you treat others - its the entire package :)) I hope i have encouraged a few women to give it a try.

I love those old photos, they are so precious. I was reminded of something a friend mentioned to me recently that you can tell the kind of person by looking into the eyes. A true Christian person has the softest eyes and one can see kindness and compassion within. I see these caring eyes in your photos :)

So very true - all my aunts had a softness in their eyes and in their voices, they were gentle meek Christian women who loved the Lord and reached out to anyone in need - in saying this, they were also very intelligent and very educated ladies which shows that Christian ladies can be bright and learned and ladies as well!!

What an awesome list to live up to ! I love the old photo's . A few I even recognize from my own Pinterest board titled Class . I want to be an example of a Lady to my 2 daughters and all the other women and girls around me . Thank you for linking-up this Post at Wearing with Wisdom !!! The Wednesday link-up party will be available again next week . I hope you will come by and share with us again . Blessings , Leticia from KingMakerBlog.com

Great post, great reminder. I think it's important for us to remember that being a lady isn't just what we wear/how we look (eg. feminine clothing & feminine hair) - it's something that is on the inside, too. Feminine beauty --being a lady -- comes from the inside out and is so much more pleasing for others to see and so much more pleasurable for us to feel, too. I love being a lady as much as I possibly can (not that I'm anywhere near perfect)!Our relatives really were/are beautiful women! :) :) :)

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