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Monday, November 30, 2009

Full of thanks

This post was supposed to be written last week, in preparation for Thanksgiving, but life throws you curve balls that interfere with plans. And that was precisely the point I was going to make. It's how we deal with those curve balls that matter.

I'm one ofthose -- an optimist, through and through. :) I can't help it. I think it stems from my teen years, which I've mentioned a bit on this blog. I had enough sad days then, and since then I just can't stand to be sad or depressed. It makes me physically uncomfortable, I hate it so much.

That's not to say I don't deal with the bad things in life -- I do. I realized a long time ago, when things are at the lowest, doing something, anything helps -- it gives you power and control back. So when things go bad, my control is to look at the good.

I was going to write about some trivial things in this post last week. Things like when the sitter cancels on your night out with friends or the hubby, and seeing that as a good turn of events -- looking at it as a chance to spend unexpected time with your children. And how many, many people in this world would do anything to have children to spend time with.

Or when the car breaks down and you can't get where you wanted to go -- I rationalize things like that by thinking it was probably best I didn't go. Would you call that fate? I just feel when something like that happens, I wasn't supposed to be in that car, at that time, on that road. I think there's a higher power at work and we often forget that, especially at the annoying times.

I was also going to talk about the more serious circumstances, like when I fell down half a flight of cement stairs a couple weeks ago -- holding my son. It was probably the scariest moment of my life. He hit his head, and I could barely walk afterwards. Within seconds he seemed fine, and after a trip to the ER, we found out he was indeed OK and my ankle (that was triple it's normal size) was only badly sprained.

I felt sorry for myself for about two seconds, and then I was overcome with thankfulness that it was just me that was hurt -- and it was just an ankle. How incredibly fortunate that my son was not hurt worse. The what ifs ran through my head and they were not good. So as I've hobbled around for the past two weeks, I've been reminding myself how thankful I am that that's all it was. I can handle with a sprained ankle any day of the week.

This is the way I deal, and it works for me. But my optimism was tested last week. We got news that my father-in-law was diagnosed with stage three pancreatic cancer. I simply cannot put into words how I feel. I won't even try. For the first few hours after we found out, I could barely breath. It was like someone was sitting on my chest. Then, there were the tears, and tears. And tears. My heart is breaking for my husband. It's breaking for my stepdaughter, my sister-in-law, my nephews, for me. For my son.

And now, this bad, horrible news, has yet again taught me to see the good. It was confirmed today that his doctors think he has at least six months with us -- maybe even a year. My heart is heavy. I want to cry again and again. But I also can't help to think how fortunate are we to be able to spend this time with him over the next year. To do special things, take pictures, to create new memories.

For our son to get to know his Grandpa even better.

Every year my father-in-law cooks an authentic Mexican fiesta meal for us and our friends, usually in the fall. He obviously hasn't been feeling great, so we skipped it this year. But now, we're going to have the fiesta the week before Christmas. We will gather around him to cook our Mexican feast with him, and it will be something I'm sure none of us will ever forget. (And yes, it is as good as it sounds!)

I just can't focus on the bad. It's against my nature. I have to look to the good, and there will be much good that will come over the next year. I am sure of that.

If I can, I am asking a favor of all of you. I would really appreciate your prayers. For my father-in-law, that he feels as good as possible for as long as possible. And for my husband and his sister, that they feel comfort and peace right now. I really, really appreciate it. I am so thankful for all of you.

** I am reposting this in Live Writer since Blogger wasn’t picking it up for some reason. I apologize for the two posts!

Lifting your father in law and his family and friends up in prayer right now. May the Prince of Peace be with each of you during this time.

Oh Holy Father, I pray that you will be with this family - that you will wrap your loving arms around each of them. Lord, give them the strength when they need it and the comfort that can only come from You. You are amazing to us, Father. You adore each of us completely. I pray that Your Will will be done and, Lord, that Your Glory will be seen.Thank you, Father. Amen.

I will definitely keep your entire family in my thoughts and prayers. Your positive attitude will get you through ~ you can make tons of memories and spend quality time together. The mexican feast sounds fantastic ~ you will have to do a post about it!

I will keep your FIL and family in my prayers. My husband's cousin's husband (I know, I know) passed away from pancreatic cancer earlier this year, shortly after his first daughter was born. {{{HUGS}}}

You're so admirable in your positive attitude. I could use some lessons from you! I'm sitting here pouting because my husband can't be here (on a work trip) so we can decorate for Christmas together-- and wow, I could have it a lot worse. I'm not nearly thankful for who is here with me, etc, etc...

Will definitely pray for you and your family. Thanks for opening my eyes to the blessings around me, yet again!

So sorry to hear about your FIL. I can't imagine the struggle your family mist be going through right now. Hopefully your husband might find a small amount of comfort from seeing all of the well-wishes and prayers that will be posted for you guys here. I am praying for strength and courage for your family over the next year (and beyond!!!!). Keep believing--positivity always helps!

I will certainly keep your family and your FIL in my prayers. That is a wonderful attitude to have! My heart breaks for you all, knowing the pain that is before you. Yet, you are chosing to focus on the good. I pray you will continue to do that. That you all will build wonderful memories this season. God bless you all!

I am sorry to read your news. I do know how it feels and the moment when you cannot breathe. I just lost my mother to bladder cancer in March...we had 15 months with her and she died at age 60. Two months after that devastation (my mother was my everything) I found out my 8 year old daughter had cancer (leukemia) and we are now battling the monster again. And winning. It is a horrible road, but it really does make you appreciate all the good in life. You are doing the best thing by recognizing that. Each day is a gift. I am sorry for your news, nonetheless. If you ever want to follow our story...or capitalize on any experience I may have (although not perfect by any stretch) I keep a blog in her honor. It is www.all4ally@blogspot.com. I will keep your whole family in our prayers each night.

I, too, try to see the good in everything. When you're hit with news like y'all were, it makes it a real challenge. I love that you are all doing the Mexican feast together; what a memory you will make! It will be bittersweet, for sure, but what a blessing to be able to gather for it.

What a great attitude to have! And what a blessing for your family and your children to have someone like you to show them how to take life one step at a time and look for the good. It will be a blessing for them I am sure. I will be keeping your family in my prayers as well. Heavenly Father is aware of us and will take care of you.

I needed to read your post this morning. I've been full of negativity today. Sweating the small stuff! Thanks for this post! I will be praying for your family. May you make many beautiful memories with your Father-in-law in the time he has!

Oh I'm SO sorry to hear about your father-in-law... I'm sitting here crying for your family. You see, my grandfather who was and is very dear to me just passed away this summer from pancreatic cancer. I know how you all feel. You most certainly be in my prayers!

My grandmother passed away from the same cancer when I was a sophomore in high school and she wasn't even 60 years old. My grandpa will gone soon due to lukemia. I'm glad they will be together again but I miss my grandma and will miss my grandpa terribly until I join them someday. You didn't even need to ask for the prayers, they are and will be with you and your family. I hope you all find the comfort you need!

Sarah, my prayers will be with you and your family. You have a terrific attitude and this time together is a wonderful gift for everyone. So many people don't have the opportunity to say 'goodbye', and this can be a very special time for everyone in the family. How wonderful to have events like the fiesta that everyone can look forward to and particate in. Keep your great attitude going - it is a blessing to all!

So sorry to hear your news. We lost my FIL in August within 3 weeks of finding out he had lung cancer. And my mother passed away in October due to complications from ovarian cancer... she battled for a year.

Your optimism is great. Keep focusing on the love of your FIL and the rest of the family. I have learned this year that love is all that is left in the end, and love is an amazing thing.

You are fortunate to have the time to say the things that need to be said. It will help make things a little easier.

I will pray for your family to receive God's comfort and peace and that your FIL has many more good days ahead to share with you all.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. The upcoming fiesta is great way to celebrate his life and love that each you shares with him. You have a true gift to be able to see the blessings that surround us.

I'm truly sorry Sarah. Even though we don't know each other really, I feel like I have gotten to know you and your family a bit just by reading here. And my heart breaks for you.You and your family are in my prayers. And I know that God truly does hear and answer all sincere prayers. I hope you are able to make lots of fun memories. And take lots of pictures together. And that the next months are full of love and grace.

Sarah, I have been thinking about you and your family since you emailed me the other day. I am so sorry to hear about your father-in-law's cancer. Tears just rolled down my cheeks as I read your post. Kevin and I will definitely say MANY prayers for him, and your whole family.

You are all in my prayers! We just went through this with my husband's best friend. He was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer 11 months ago. He was 39. He fought hard for 8 long months. We are so thankful for those 8 months to make more memories with him. He was like a brother to us. We miss him terribly, but those months are so precious. It sounds like you definitely have the right perspective. All our love and prayers go out to your family.

I just have to write and say you are in my prayers, I just love your blog ever so much!!!:) You are an amazing person and I can tell that from just reading about you. You seem like the type of person I would want to be best friends with and be around all of the time. I am not by nature positive so I LOVE people who are and try to surround myself with them so I can learn!! Thanks for this post and helping us really remember whats important. I really hope he is ok and feels ok and you can enjoy your mexican feast, what a wonderful tradition!!!Thanks for your blog your such an inspiration both in decorating and life!!! Tabitha @alywydesigns.blogspot.com

Of course we will pray. For your father-in-law, your precious husband and his sister, and for you. May you feel the "peace that passes understanding." Isn't that a great phrase? It's from the King James Version of the Bible, so it's a little old-fashioned, and yet it so perfectly describes the peace that can only come from God. Bless you all.

You, your father-in-law, and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my mom to Pancreatic Cancer 2 years ago this week...she was 53 years old. It's such a horrific and painful cancer and my heart breaks for any family that has to endure such an awful thing.

My only advice is to live each day with him as if it were his last; fill the days with wonderful memories and a love to last a lifetime.

I will be sending you and your family happy and strength filled thoughts. May your journeys together be longer than you think, your pain less than you expected, and may you always keep love and happy memories in your heart and mind.

:( I will pray and hope for peace and calm for your family. I also hope you take advantage of this time you have with your FIL. You will surely make some wonderful memories, which not only help you, but show him how much he is loved by all of you. Thank goodness for your optimistic disposition! Without it, your hubby might not make it through all this as easily. You are his beacon of light in this dark time. Bless all of you. Keep us up to date, as we are all concerned for your family!

Sarah,I will definitely be praying for your entire family and especially your father-in-law. I know you emailed me when my mom passed away 8 weeks ago from gastric cancer. It was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through in my entire life! Still is.But it was the sweetest time of my life too. It makes everything come into the right perspective. I fell more in love with my husband, my children, my family, of course my mom, and definitely my Savior. We shared moments together that I will never forget. I pray that you will have many amazing moments together. And may you all be filled with the peace that only God can give.(John 14:27)Blessings,Traci

Something such as this will put any little problems we may think we have into perspective quite rapidly. Thanks for letting us know so we can pray....I love your attitude and I'm sure the family will handle it in the best way possible and going on with the dinner is probably the best thing you all could do; making memories is something precious. XOXOJoni

Oh my goodness Sarah I am truly so sorry about your FIL. I do know your pain as my own father is very ill at this time and it's beyond heartbreaking. It almost consumes me and blogging really helps me. My prayers are with him and all of your family sweet friend.

Take care and be safe. I'm so glad you are both okay after the fall. Ankle injuries are no picnic but you are so right. It could have been much worse. Yikes!

I am on my knees praying for your family; this Christmas may you each hold each other a little tighter, for a little longer...most of all, I will pray for peace for all of you as you go through this journey with your father-in-law. Maybe these next 6-12 months can be a special gift to your family as you treasure each other and the time you have together...God bless you and your family now and always.

oh my goodness. what a trial you are going through. I'm so happy you are able to handle it with some grace about you.

Lean on your support group, whether it be crutches, a Moms group, or the many readers of your blog. And most of all, lean on God. He can carry the burdens that are too heavy for you.

I'm so sorry about the news of your FIL. Please don't be frightened by the figure the doctors have given you. My husband's grandmother was given 3months when she was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer. She was with us for over 12 months.

I am so sorry to hear this news. We got similar news nearly a year ago, we had a lot of social plans at the time and I just canceled many of them as my heart felt too heavy. It has been a hard year in many ways and the end just recently came. It is hard, hard for the husband, hard for me, and especially hard for the children. We made a lot of effect to give the children a lot of wonderful memories while we had the chance and it helped at the end. What I often said over the past year was what do we need to do so we have no regrets, and it has made all the difference. You and your family are in my thoughts.Janell

You have no idea how your post effected me. We lost hubby's parents 11 years ago, 7 months apart. Our last days were spent taking them to chemo and seeing to their needs and it was the hardest time of our lives. His mom died of pancreatic cancer & his dad died from multiple myloma.

Fortunately, today these are both treatable & often curable. A good friend's mother recently went through the pancreatic surgery & has been given a clean bill of health. I wish this to turn out well for your FIL * will keep him in my prayers.

How awesome it is to have the ability to send out our needs into the blogosphere and have others respond! I, too, am lifting your family up to God in prayer. I would so love to have your optimistic spirit! As others lift you up, you lift us up. Please keep us posted. I know pancreatic cancer is *very* serious, but we are all hoping and praying for the best for your FIL and family.

Definitely praying for your father-in-law, and the whole family, and asking God, the author of life to make his remaining time especially sweet for all of you, (barring of course a complete miracle of healing.)

I can soooo relate to how you think about things. I always try to seek the good in even the worst of situations. Praying God makes the good that is to come from this very precious indeed.

Sarah, I will lift your father in law up in prayer. God does hear our prayers and I will pray that your father in laws days ahead will be blessed days and the Lord will bring peace to you all, including your father in law.

So, so sorry about your father in law. I can't even imagine what you are going through. My prayers are with you and your entire family during this tough time. Thanks for reminding me to treasure the things that really matter.

I'm sorry for your news and so grateful there are indeed people out there who are blessed with being able to see the thankful side of a situation. Could you share your father-in-law's first name? Every Sunday our priest prays for people by name as part of the liturgy. I also say specific prayers for the ill every night and would love to include him if you are comfortable sharing it his name. Thank you for your wonderful blog.

Thank you so much for your post. We have two members of our family fighting cancer, and lost a young friend to the disease the week before Thanksgiving. Your post has really made me think about the time we have instead of the time we will lose. I praise God for your courage and strength. My prayers are with your family.

I found out about amonth ago that my dad has cancer, thankfully he is going to be okay but I know about those curve balls. Stay positive and enjoy every minute with him. Praying for you and your family.

I will pray for you all.My great uncle was diagnosed with this about a year and a half ago. He was very close to my heart and, as strange as it seems, knowing what was going on gave us all a chance to show him how we felt about him. My grandmother died suddenly and many in my family never had a chance to make things right with her. I hope you all find whatever peace you can at this time. Love, Hugs, and Strength

I pray peace for all of you. I pray that your father-in-law will be welcomed into heaven's gates with joyous triumph--and those left behind will find comfort in that. My heart is hurting for you, and my throat is tight with tears. Cherish is the word I have for you.

I am so sorry to hear the bad news. But, know that I (as well as many others) will be praying for not only your FIL - but for you and the rest of your family as well. I know that you'll be savoring every last moment possible with him. It's beautiful to hear your positive outlook in a desperate situation. Thank you for that.

I'm so sorry about your father-in-law, and, yes, I will pray. hard. I also wanted to give you a ((hug)) about your fall. I stepped down off a step wrong while holding my 9-month old son and fell straight to the ground. I dropped him as I fell. I broke my ankle. I got over that, but I'm still not over that I dropped him. I'm so glad you're both okay.

Last week sometime I did a post about what you would do differently if you knew it was your last Christmas, we had spent the day wrapping gifts for a local hospice and it really had me thinking. I will pray for all of you and hope you enjoy your FIL every chance you get.

I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. I will keep him and your family in my prayers.

I wanted to say that I love the attitude. It reminds me very much of myself actually. My grandma was hospitalized in Feb. of 2006. They told us she'd never leave. We didn't expect her to make it through the night. She left the hospital 3 weeks later. We were hopeful. A week after that they said they could do no more to help her and she was placed in hospice care. She was with us for almost 2 more months. Some said it may have been better if she had passed in the hospital. I feel blessed to have had more time to spend with her... time to say goodbyes and talk about old times and even about the future with her. It was difficult and not without pain and sadness but it was precious and worth every second!

I'm also glad to hear your little guy wasn't hurt when you fell on the stairs! I know that scary feeling well. In April of 2008 I was walking down the stairs with my then 2 year old son and my knee gave out. We both tumbled to the bottom. He hit is head on the corner of our fish tank which was sort of at the bottom of the stairs. I called up to my husband and I was so worried about my son. I kept screaming at him to 'get the baby'. I'm sure it only took him seconds but it felt like hours while I sat there (in excruciating pain) hugging my boy, singing to him through my tears and telling him it was okay. Turns out he WAS okay. Miraculously his head barely touched the fish tank and since he landed on me, I took the brunt of the fall. My knee was in bad shape and I couldn't walk for the next 3 months until I finally had surgery on it, but he was okay and I was so relieved and so thankful that regardless of how I felt, my baby was okay.

I will be praying for you and your family. 2 years ago this November my father unexpectedly passed away. We did not see it coming and were in compelte shock! We had JUST celebrated his 57th Bridthday 5 days before with a huge 50's party and had taken LOTS of pictures (which we dont normally do) I am soooo grateful that we did that party and took those pictures because that has been the best memory for all of us left behind while he's up in Heaven singing with the Angles. I know all too well the hole that gets left in your heart after losing a loved one-I pray your this will bring your family together in many precious ways and be moments you will never forget! *hugs*

My heart goes out to you and your family. I think that your attitude is a testament to how life should be lived and I think that your FIL will find peace knowing his family loves and supports him, your planned Mexican Fiesta in his honour sounds wonderful!

That was a beautifully written post. I am so sorry to hear your news though. I love your attitude of making the most of your time with him in the coming months. I hope he doesn't have any pain or suffering.

Oh, Roz. I'm so sorry about the sad news. You most definitely have my prayers, and anything else you need. I wish for you all to enjoy every single moment you have together, as well as peace - without pain or fear. I love you! Please give hugs to everyone for me!!

You are absolutely in my prayers -- we just said good-bye to my dear Grandma who passed away at 84 years 3 days before Thanksgiving. She had Stage 3 Hodgkins Lymphoma. She's at home with Jesus but we grieve because we miss her here -- my heart goes out to you and I pray you'll have more time than you think to enjoy with your father-in-law before he passes away!

First time commenter here but I have to tell you that I love your optimism. I will be praying for your father in law that he will feel good for as long as possible and that you can make memories and enjoy him.

There doesn't seem words adequate enough to say in a situation like this. I can say that I know how you feel, that I have been there, that everything will be alright, but in reality, I'm not you, not in your specific situation, can't feel your specific pain. I can & will tell you that as I sit here writing this I am praying for you & for your entire family. Although I don't know or understand God's all significant plan, I do know that He hears & understands. I can attest to the fact that He can & will carry you through anything, that leaning upon Him will give you the strength that you need for this very moment, day, or situation. How I wish that I could give you a great big hug right now, but since that is impossible I pray that you will feel His arms around you and that love & support that is pouring in from your "blog peeps" will let you know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing this...you are an encouragement & inspiriation even in one of your darkest moments!

I have never commented on your blog but I feel compelled to do so today.

My daughter has leukemia and I know well the struggle to maintain your innate optimism against something so powerful as the grief, loss and anger that a cancer diagnosis brings.

You have already answered your question...it's the gift of time that you have been given that is the silver lining in this situation. No one should ever have to live the existance that your beloved FIL is being asked to live.

It's NOT FAIR!! But you have the opportunity to make memories and spend precious time with him. And if anything comes from something like this, it is an increased appreciation for the joys in life. This will forever change your perspective and give you more patience for life's curveballs and the little frustrations that make other people freak out will just go right on by you. Because you have learned the true meaning of life and know what is important.

The downside is that you will want to b*tch-slap anyone who has the audacity to complain about something seemingly inconsequential (everything from a hangnail to their dog being bit by a car) in your presence. Try sitting on your hands when that happens. It will help you to not slap people. Trust me on this one.

Honey, I'm praying hard that your time, however limited, with your FIL is wonderful and that you make memories that will make you laugh and cry in years to come. Bless you and your whole family.

I have never commented on your blog but I feel compelled to do so today.

My daughter has leukemia and I know well the struggle to maintain your innate optimism against something so powerful as the grief, loss and anger that a cancer diagnosis brings.

You have already answered your question...it's the gift of time that you have been given that is the silver lining in this situation. No one should ever have to live the existance that your beloved FIL is being asked to live.

It's NOT FAIR!! But you have the opportunity to make memories and spend precious time with him. And if anything comes from something like this, it is an increased appreciation for the joys in life. This will forever change your perspective and give you more patience for life's curveballs and the little frustrations that make other people freak out will just go right on by you. Because you have learned the true meaning of life and know what is important.

The downside is that you will want to b*tch-slap anyone who has the audacity to complain about something seemingly inconsequential (everything from a hangnail to their dog being bit by a car) in your presence. Try sitting on your hands when that happens. It will help you to not slap people. Trust me on this one.

Honey, I'm praying hard that your time, however limited, with your FIL is wonderful and that you make memories that will make you laugh and cry in years to come. Bless you and your whole family.

My grandmother was diagonsised with the same cancer this year. It is horrible, I am just like you. I, of course, am HORRIBLY sadden by this news. I was so upset I was throwing up. I never knew someone could get so upset that they physically could get ill. The only positive I could think of is that I am blessed enough to know when her time will most likely be up. That I am able to savor her in everyway until God get greedy and takes an amazing person from me. I can't blame Him, I want her all to myself as well. It really upsets me that I don't know when everyone's else time will be up. With all this said, you should (and I am sure you do) feel very blessed you don't have crazy family that try to steal the lime light in a situation like this. Sadly I am family that is just trying to rip everyone apart during such a horrible time. This of course has effected the time I will be able to spend with my grandmother. I can only put my faith into God and his plan and accept that He knows why this is happening, and that as much as I don't like it - that He will ensure my grandmother knows how DEEPLY I care about her at the time they meet, if you didn't truly understand before. Hang in there Sarah - this is a tough road ahead of you. I know because I am walking it. :(

How awful for all of you. I'll be praying for you and your family. I hope the good Lord gives your family peace in their hearts for what it’s to come and that he can be with you for as long as possible. I wish I could have that positive attitude. We just lost our home about 3 weeks ago (which in comparison to your issue is miniscule) but I've found myself very angry, upset and resentful lately.This has given me some perspective that we are fortunate enough to have health right now.A Warm hug goes your way.

Sarah...thank you for sharing. Absolutely I will keep you and your family in our prayers. I want you to know that I too experienced a fall with my daughter (she was 18months old now she is 14) down a set of cement stairs. It was one of those scary moments as a mother that I will never forget. My knee was all banged up and she had a cut on her head. Both of us of ended up with a scar (she on her scalp me on my knee) but I'm so thankful that was all. It was one of those "mommy moments" where I would have done anything to protect her from getting hurt badly and I did at the time. Hang in there!

I have been battling 3rd stage lung cancer since March 2008. I am sorry to hear about your father-in-law but you have the right attitude. When you have cancer you realize how special every day God gives you is. You see things from a different perspective. You begin to count your blessings and realize you and your family are drinking from your saucers because your cups have overflowed. I just said a prayer for your father-in-law and the rest of your family. It is amazing but prayer has such power. God will know when the time is right for Him to take your loved one home so he can start helping God with the non-believers still left on earth.Stay stong. I love you and Jesus does too!nancy www.rivieraboardwalk.blogspot.com

May God be with you and your family in these times - And HE WILL! I enjoy reading your blog everyday - My grandfather just finished 5 weeks of radiation and chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer - he is 82 - Hang in there -

I will definitely be lifting your father in law, you and your entire family up in prayer. You are absolutely correct though in your way of looking at the positives in life. We get one chance, one shot and we must make the most of it and live each day as if it were our last with those that matter! Many people dont get to enjoy the last days with their loved ones, savoring every minute with them. Many people die unexpectedly and you must cherish those precious moments. Be strong for your husband and his family! We love you!

I will definitely be thinking of your family. I am the same way w/things in life..and i have much appreciation for others who realize how lucky we are to have all that we do--even when it seems like the worst of times.

Sniff...Sniff. Wipe away my tears...your post was beautifully eloquent and thought-provoking. I, too, like to think the way you do (optimistically) but, unfortunately, do not do it on a regular basis as you do. Thank you for inspiring me to be better and to be more grateful. Also, I am so sorry about your father-in-law. The thought of being without a loved one must be devastating, yet I think it must be better to know and to plan and also to be have the opportunity to say (temporary) good-byes. I will keep you all in my prayers. Thank you again for your positive attitude.

I'm so sorry Sarah. My prayers are with all your family at this difficult time. I was in a similar situation with my amazing mother-in-law last year and now it is her rituals and traditions that help me feel her presence each day. I love your post, your perspective and your hope. Thank you.

I will be praying for you and your family! Cancer is an awful thing for any family especially at the holidays. I am coming up on the 8 year anniversary of loosing my dad this Dec 21 and we found out on the 16 if my 6yr old niece has her cancer growing back or not. I appreciate your optimism as that is how I too deal. May the memories you make be joyful and lasting. THank you for sharing and allowing us to pray for you and your family!!

Several years ago, when it became clear that my grandmother’s fight with cancer would not end well, the months that we had left with her became so very precious. Some of the most important and sacred experiences of my life happened as we made our peace with her passing and said our good-byes. I can honestly look back at this time with gratitude for God’s goodness to our family. I’m sure He will show forth that same goodness in your lives. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

I've never commented on your blog before, even though I read it all the time! But today I had to, because a year and a half ago I was in your exact shoes. And I don't even know you but there are tears in my eyes, because it hurts so much.

Praying for incredible peace for you and your whole family. For medical wisdom and for precious memories that you will all cherish forever.

oh girl. what a story! i love your outlook and your optimism. i like to think of myself that way, but i agree that at times life gets the best of you. what an awesome community of fellowship we bloggers have. i love that we have a place to share our heart and our story. praying for you, your family, and your in-laws this day. make the most of life. tomorrow is never a guarantee.

I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I'm thinking of you and your family. I lost my mother three years ago to ALS and Pick's Disease, she was only 58, we had no idea how much time we had with her and it was so hard. Sadly it doesn't get easier, but it just becomes what it is. Your positive attitude is inspiring (and a little nauseating :)). Thank you for sharing.

You and your family will be in my prayers. We went through the illness of my father in law for 6 months and I wish that we would have made 'better' memories. But because my MIL could not accept what was happening, everyone acted like everything would be okay. (my husband and I were the only ones that were not in denial) I am glad that yall are doing your mexican meal together. Enjoy it and spend as much time with him as you can.

WOW....The power of prayer!! All these wonderful readers lifting your family in prayer...so AMAZING!May the Lord's will be done in you and your family's life. And yes, I am sending up one from here in good ole South Carolina!!

I am so sorry you have had a difficult week. I have been reading your blog for the past few months and am finally commenting because your post struck such a common cord with me. My father-in-law was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We found out in August after he had pain in his upper abdomen and was sent to a specialist. The first round of chemo failed, and he is about to begin an oral chemo trial drug. We are praying that this one will work. The Thanksigiving holiday was hard for us this year, too, but it was wonderful to all be together and was a special time. I will be keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.

My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Death is somethimes so difficult to understand. My father and uncle both took their lives the week before christmas last year 3 days apart. The only things that have helped me get through the days I can't get off the floor is knowing that I will see them again someday and my 3 year old little boy. You are truly amazing for how you so easily see the best in situations. Please keep us updated.

Oh Sarah. I'm SO sorry to hear that you're going through this. I've been through a similar situation with my husband's father some years ago and I can relate to how you're feeling. You are all in my prayers...pk @ Room Remix

Sarah, I am just now reading this, and just had to express my sympathys. Unfortunately, I have been deeply touched by cancer in my own family - 9 times! - and just found out on Thanksgiving that my cousin just discovered she has stage 3 colon cancer. I lost my father to cancer as well. It is a very sad thing to go through, and I will certainly pray that your family be lifted up through this process.

I also want to tell you a few things I learned. You know the way you feel about this, but do you know how they feel or what they think. Don't be afraid to ask. Do not tiptoe around them, they want to talk about it, no matter what they say. They just want to do it the right way, in their own timing. Ask them what part of it scares them and what you can do to help. Let them know you love them, and don't be afraid to tell them you're scared too. It'll make them more comfortable taking about their own fear. I remember trying to deny that my dad was sick the whole time he was, until one day he said to me "You know I'm on my way out, and I need you to admit it because there are things I want you to be responsible for after I go. Tell me what scares you so we can talk about it." We had been told for so long not to let him know that we were scared, and here he was trying to get ME to talk about MY fears while he was literally passing away. You just never know what they're thinking while you're trying to protect them. You're usually only trying to protect your own feelings. Always ask what you can do to make them more comfortable. Let them know you want to help but don't want to be in the way.

If the kids ask questions, tell them the truth, or let him. And very importantly, tell him what you'd like him to tell the kids before he goes, and I mean things about HIM, not about his passing. Allow him to give them memories about his childhood, what he did with their dad while he was growing up, how he feels about family, etc. My dad has been gone for 13 years now, and all of the grandkids still say "Remember when Papa said.........".

Take pictures, take videos. Let them happen naturally, try not to stage them. That way you get true feeling in people's eyes. Ask him if you can video tape him talking "to your kids", let him do it privately so that he can speak freely, for you to show to your children as they grow up to keep his memory fresh for them.

Ask his wife how you can help. Sometimes people need your help and don't want to ask, and sometimes when they say they want to be alone for a while, they really do. You have to be a good reader of people at this point. Hurting people don't often tell you what they really need.

My dad once said to me "Don't be afraid around me, and don't smother me. I'm still your dad, treat me like you always have. I'M not different, there's just something different IN me." We seem to always want to treat sick people differently, when all they want is to be treated the same.

I'm sorry to ramble on, but I've learned alot having gone through 9 cancer deaths in my family and I just hope I can share something with you that will help.

I pray that God will wrap His arms of protection, provision, and comfort around your family and lift you up when you are weak, give you strength when all you want to do is collapse, and give the words to express to your loved one what you need him to know. I pray that He will offer you understanding as you go through this trial. I pray also that He will send angels to camp about your FIL and MIL and give them the strength to travel the miles in front of them. And lastly I pray that you and your family will feel the warmth of His arms around you when you need Him the most.

I am just now catching up on my favorite blogs and I will be sending prayers up for your family. I know that we all take things for granted until faced with a situation like this. You are strong and your ability to see the good in things will lift your family in the months ahead. God will be there for your family.

Oh....life comes at you so fast that sometimes you can't breathe. May you have a peaceful, blessed holiday season with beautiful memories to hold for years to come. And try making Mexican hot chocolate if you haven't had it yet!

I KNOW. I've been there. Twice. Once my grandmother, then my beloved (step)father. What I've learned: don't take any day for granted. I don't think that I do, but when it comes down to it, we sometimes do. Everything is important, big, little, every ride, every phone call, every note. Memories are so incredibly important. TIME cannot be replaced, use it wisely. My heart hurts for your whole family. . .please allow those close to you to serve you, to help you, to do for you during this difficult time. Some things my (step)father treasured more than anything during his 6 months of sickness. . .letters people wrote to him (he asked that some be read at his funeral). . .a picture video, he had his made before he died so he would get to see it (I made it for him). . .and I think that he liked that we allowed him to LIVE while he was still with us. Know that my prayers will be with your family. Please continue to share with us so we know how to specifically pray for your family. No request is too small for Him to hear.I once read that the only thing you can take with you is love so I spent a great deal of time both times LOVING my grandmother and John. I do believe that they can take that and wanted them to be full of it.

My prayers are most definitely with you, your and your family. As sad as this news is, my heart was overjoyed to hear your optimism when things don't turn out how you expect. I was also diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer last year and was devastated at the time. Now in looking back, cancer has changed my life for the better. Everything truly does happen for a reason. And I know that someday I will look back at this trying time and say, "Oh, that is why I needed to go down that difficult path, because it got me to this wonderful place". I send you love and light for a most memorable Mexican Fiesta and holiday season.

Sarah--I am so sorry. My Mom had cancer (and is our walking miracle) but I remember that feeling and all the things that go through your mind. How one minute life was normal and the next minute everything had changed. You will be in my prayers.

HELP PLEASE

I also have a question about Live Write--I have never tried it or used it but I keep having issues with google not posting my stuff either. I will have a couple of days with low visitors, a comment from someone who says you aren't showing up-tons of time trying to figure everything out--drives me crazy--anyway--does Live Writer fix all of that?

I rarely coment, but I am a loyal reader and I just had to let you know that I am praying so much for your family right now. I hope that the time he has left is filled with lots of beautiful moments and love. When we found out my Grandfather only had a few months, we started video taping him talking about his favorite childhood memories and words of wisdom for his Grandchildren. I would highly reccomend doing this. Those words mean everything to me and someday I will be able to share his stories with my children....

I am very sorry for you and your family. My father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer in May and given 90 days to live. It broke my heart to think of my kids (ages 9, 6, and 3) not having him around. Especially my youngest who will probably not remember him very well. He lived for 120 days and then passed. But I will tell you, those 120 days were spent making memories and saying what you never get around to saying. Time well spent. I hope the same for you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.....

Sorry that I haven't been able to get on the computer in a while! That was such a nice post and really made me think. Your father-in-law will truly be in my prayers. Thank you for saying what you are thankful for, it reminded me to appreciate what I have.

You and your family will all be in my prayers. Prayers for your fater-in-law, prayers for your husband and sister, prayers for the whole family that will be impacted by this loss. Celebrate every moment that you can. I lost my Dad suddenly when I was 11. Forty years later and I still wish I had been able to say good-bye. Cherish every moment. Every day you have together is a gift. Thank you for sharing this incredibly personal moment in your life. You are all lifted in prayer.

So sorry to hear about your father-in-law. My grandmother passed away from pancreatic cancer in 1996. My prayers will be for your family that you will be able to enjoy each memory that you make with your father-in-law over the Christmas season.

Sarah, I will be thinking of you. I have never commented on your blog but I am a loyal reader. My father has been battling thyroid cancer for several years and I know what ups and downs news from the doctors can bring. I hope your family finds peace through the holidays.Heather

I will be praying that you will all live with no regrets. That you take every moment you can to show your love for each other and cherish each moment. What a blessing to know that you are loved by so many...Hugs, Angie

Oh Sara, I just saw your post, we are still in IL at my sister's and I have not been on the computer much. I am sooo sorry about your father in law, how fortunate that you have a loving relationship with him, and can be there for your husband, stepdaughter, son and the rest of the family. Take the time you need to be with them, family and God come first, blogs are at the bottom of the list..I am praying for all of you as you go through this tough time..God bless and love to you all..Barb

Dear Sweet Sarah,Bless you for having such a posivite attitude. I pray that you all will find peace somehow in such a horrible situation. I pray that you continue to make as many wonderful memories as your hearts can hold. Thank you for bringing joy to all your readers lives.Kris

Absolutely we will be praying for him and for your husband and for YOU as you watch the people you love watch the people they love deal with horrific times. But there will be BEAUTIFUL times, too. Even as my aunt (who helped raise me, so was more than just an aunt) was dying in hospice last year, there were so many extravagantly precious and poignant moments, such true beauty amidst the horror. We were all so grateful for those moments of transcending hope and light and LOVE. FIERCE LOVE. Love that you can't comprehend until death hovers nearby. It's a paradox, I know, the irony of not loving SO FIERCELY until death shadows you and your loved ones, but there can be beauty and light amidst pain and darkness.I pray that there is MORE beauty and light for you than pain and darkness.

MANY blessings and prayers for you (and I'm a new blogger, but a long time reader!),Lana

I am crying as I type this. Pancreatic cancer has hit our family like a bomb as well. My dad's sweet, funny wife (who has been my stepmom since I was a teen) was diagnosed 3 months ago with stage 4 PC. It's like you were in my skin when you wrote about the feeling in your chest upon finding out. A nurse friend of mine summed it up,"There are only a couple of diagnosis' that can suck the air out of the room. Pancreatic Cancer is one of them." I have been amazed at my Stepmom's bravery. It's painful, sad and devastating. But I want to tell you we have also had lovely memory-making moments as a family. This past Thanksgiving was the best one ever. One word of advice I wish someone would have told us: don't let them wait to call hospice until they think "the end" is near. Hospice is available all along for WONDERFUL support and first class pain management!! The oncologist couldn't get her completely out of pain, but hospice did. Sending hugs and prayers and a sincere, "I know how you feel." Shannon in Plano, Tx

I lost my dear FIL to pancreatic cancer in 1996. It was my daughter and my niece's senior year in High School. I won't tell you that it was anything but hard, but I pray that his pain is minimal and his quality of life remains good. My prayers are with you and your DH and his family. Have the best Christmas ever with him and just love him all you can. Try to forget the illness when you are with him and just enjoy him. Nancy Sanders

I'm chiming in a bit late. I can totally understand your situation. I lost my FIL a few years after we married. My husband was only 25, we had no children yet. I grieved for my unborn children the most, but found comfort in knowing that their grandfather would probably be picking out the best children for us and sending them down with a kiss. It was horrible to watch my husband have to go through the whole process without much life experience to back him up. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and pray that you will have all the time the He allows to enjoy your time together.

Blessings to you and your family. We lost my dad to liver cancer a few years ago. He also had over a year with us after the diagnosis and we tried to make every minute count. His one request is that he stay at home. With the help of the wonderful people in Hospice care, we were able to make that happen. Again, your family will be in my prayers.

You are in my prayers. My father passed this year from cancer. We had 3 weeks and would have wished for more, but are blessed that he didn't suffer. Also that he knew our daughter would be coming home before he passed. Small blessings but we are thankful nonetheless.

Just last year, I, too, lost my Father in law to pancreatic cancer. He handled it so well and only seemed sick nearly a year after his diagnosis when it spread to his bones. He kept a positive attitude and he never, never complained, not once. My boys were 2 and 6 at the time and they still talk about him all the time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Peace.

I have read your blog for sometime and really enjoy it. I have never commented, but felt compeled to today. My father passed away 20 months ago to primary gallbladder cancer. Upon his diagnosis the dr. stated that he had 3-6 weeks to live......2 years later my father went home to our Lord. For those 2 years that we had Dad we "sucked" each day dry with him. We had him read books and videod him for each of the grandchildren. We had professional pictures made and his house----twice. We visited, we talked, we made memories. During that time I kept a journal www.caringbridge.org/visit/dannypadgett I kept it for myself but more for the reason that I wanted to show my boys when they were older what a hero their Pappy was. Praying for you and your family.Love and Hope,Leslie Miller

so i've been an elusive reader of yours for quite some time..your blog is an amazing inspiration for me as I, too, love to do things on the cheap, the dollar store, goodwill, etc. included..but i have never commented on your blog (or done anything with mine, so far), but this moved me to do so..i just want you to know that your family will be in my prayers..i went through seeing my grandfather with lung cancer..and i think it is amazing that you are optimistic enough to see this as a time for everyone to enjoy their time with your father-in-law more..just a few months later my grandmother got sick (i truly believe her broken heart had something to do with this)after her husband left to be in a better place and left herself to go there shortly after..and it was Christmas time..and she was soooo excited, even more so than usual for this happy time (although I'm sure it was very hard for her), but she did it for us grandkids, and thats what i remember every Christmas..i miss her/them, but the time i spent with her joyous Christmas spirit before she left is what lifts my spirit every year..i know you don't know me and i know that even though ive been through things slightly similar..i cant know your pain..but i think it is amazing that your are utilizing your blog for a support system of sorts, and i hope that we all can help, if for no other reason than to know that you have one more prayer (and that is a powerful thing!-not trying to be corny,but it's true!)I'm sorry y'all are having to go through this..I know it's hard to see now (as it always is in difficult times), but "He has made EVERYTHING beautiful in its time."- Ecclesiastes 3:11 & don't forget Ecclesiastes 3:1-8..those are my favorite quotes from the Bible (along with with 1 Corinthians 13:4, of course :)

We lost our brother in July to colon cancer he was 35, the Dr's said he had 6 months he made it almost 2 years. Like one of your readers we SUCKED as much joy, laughter, pictures, video as we could when he was feeling up to it. Sometimes we just sat and talked and for me I stared at every part of him so that I could etch in my mind the image of him.