Friday, February 20, 2004

When Good Gays Go Bad!!

What is it that makes a gay rubbish? Lets start from the top. Haircut 100, in a 'salon' style swishy with hi-lights, think Liza Minelli's seminal 'Results' Period. It says 'look at me, I'm not just a haircut!!(except that's all I am sadly). Nothing says 'I'm a cunt please stab me!!' more than wearing sunglasses in a club.

Middle, there are 2 factors that come into play here, muscle & skin colour. Rubbish gays are either pure white, or orange, thin & scrawny or so-called gym-fit. The gym fit ones will be found with a white vest top on, the Zola Buds will be wearing a tank-top/capped-sleeved top. In a club setting the white vest will be removed, folded carefully and placed in the back pocket. The thin girls will NEVER remove their tops, no matter how hot.

Bottoms, mostly jeans. The worst offenders have the bleached arse jeans, designer rips, or a small diamantie pattern. No matter what the theme they will always have a flared leg. Which bring us neatly on to the cloven hooves of the rubbish gay. Shoes that are either slip on or square toed, or both or trainers that look like ballet shoes.

Finally, accessories. A well equipped rubbish gayer will always take their mobile phone with them. At the 1st sign of paranoia, it comes out, homotexual. Put the fucking phone away!! A lollypop can been seen on some gays, others a glowstick.

You know who they are, you have seen them, in fact you may be one. As Erasure say 'It doesn't have to be like that', no Andy it doesn't.