for encouragement and reality

Tag Archives: #parenting

No child is a bad seed. Like the Biblical parable of the sower and the seeds, the seeds fell on different kinds of ground. Depending on the ground, their challenges for flourishing could be big or small. The sower himself (a farmer) had only so much time and resources for growing a crop that would feed his family. He wouldn’t waste his time sowing bad seeds. And so it is with the children in our lives. They come into this world as a bundle of potential. They have an innate desire to be accepted and approved of by others. It’s up to the adults in their lives to bring that potential to reality and build the appropriate confidence that they are accepted.

A small acorn becomes a giant oak tree, but only if it lands or is moved to the right environment. An acorn could fall on a rock, but perhaps someone picks it up, sees the potential and plants it. There the acorn has what it needs to grow and reach it’s potential.

While the sowers of these seeds (parents) are the first line of nurture, there are and will be (there must be) other adults that come along who can feed and water these seedlings – guardians, foster parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and even older siblings. We are those other adults.

We are the grown-ups in this world. We have the power to water and nurture the seedlings that we encounter, or we can selfishly go about our lives not considering our power to make a difference.

Like a peace Lilly plant that wilts and then perks up with watering, there is an opportunity to revive those around us who may be on the verge of withering. Keep an eye out for them this week. Kent Pekel takes this message to a deeper relational level talking about the benefits of developmental relationships.

Like this:

My child has grown. He’s in college and now talking more specifically about what he wants in life — his plans for after college. Let me encourage other guardians/parents that when your young adult child brings up their thoughts, dreams and ideas about launching into adulthood, just listen. We were all young once with the same ideas. In my opinion, the worst thing we can do is squelch their dreams.

By listening and not suggesting anything, we keep the conversation open. When we start interjecting stories of our early adult lives-the mistakes we made, or how some of our dreams got squelched-we take something away from their fresh excitement. Let them dream, keep the conversation open so that when they’re navigating the reality of making their dreams come true, and they hit bumps in the road, they will feel comfortable coming to you for advice or to bounce other ideas around. That’s your opportunity to step in and guide or make suggestions. Easy though, we want to guide them to their own conclusion, not solve the problem for them.

Asking guiding questions can help the thought process of the young adult. Ask open ended questions like, what do you think about blah, blah (fill in with suggested direction). Or have you hear of blah, blah (fill in this place, organization, person who could help). An even deeper conversation could include asking what they’ve learned from the let-down/failure.

As parents there is no way for us to know which of their dreams will come to fruition. So as long as what our young adults are planning is legal, moral, ethical, and leading them toward a productive adulthood, why not let them dream and work toward it. We will celebrate their successes and be ready to encourage when things don’t go their way.

I’d rather have the optimistic young person with goals and dreams who can be guided by some well spoken words of wisdom, than a young person just floating around letting life happen him/her. Seasons of wondering can be very productive as long as they are seasons and not lifestyles.