It hasn’t been a can-do week in the world of diplomacy. Markets are no longer on a knife’s edge, but efforts to get Russian and Ukrainian officials in a room together have so far failed miserably, with Secretary of State John Kerry’s unsuccessful Paris mission a latest example of the crisis roundabout.

And then there’s the back and forth between the West and Russia. From Putin’s “lab rat” jab to Obama’s “he’s not fooling anyone.” And some dramatic “I quits” from journalists over the crisis (check out RT America’s Liz Wahl resigning air).

Frustrated by what it dubs out-of-control spin from Moscow over Ukraine, the State Department has seemingly channeled its inner David Letterman, coming up with its own Top Ten list, with Vladimir Putin at the receiving end.

Launching into ‘President Putin’s Fiction: 10 False Truths about Ukraine,’ the State Department says the world hasn’t seen “such startling Russian fiction” since Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote ‘The formula ‘two-plus two equals five’ is not without its attractions.”

Here’s five of the State Department’s “Top 10 lies” from Putin, followed by a summary of what it calls “The Facts.”

1) Russian forces in Crimea are only acting to protect Russian military assets. It is “citizens’ defense groups,” not Russian forces, that have seized infrastructure and military facilities in Crimea.

The Facts: Strong evidence shows Russian security services appear to be at the heart of highly organized anti-Ukraine forces in Crimea. They are wearing uniforms without insignia, but driving vehicles with Russian military license places and identify themselves as Russian security forces. And they’re carrying weapons your average citizen can’t get.

2)Russia’s actions fall within the scope of the 1997 Friendship Treaty between Ukraine and the Russian Federation.

The Facts: The 1997 agreement requires Russia to respect Ukraine territorial integrity, which Russia most definitely is not doing with its military actions in Ukraine and operational control of Crimea.

3) The opposition failed to implement the February 21 agreement with former Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych.

The Facts: Under that agreement, Ukraine’s parliament was supposed to pass a bill to return the country to its 2004 Constitution and a constitutional system centered around its parliament. Instead of signing, Yanukovych “packed up his home and fled, leaving behind evidence of wide-scale corruption.”

4) Ukraine’s government is legitimate. Yanukovych is still the legitimate leader of Ukraine.

The Facts: March 4: President Putin acknowledged that Yanukovych “has no political future.” After fleeing Ukraine, Yanukovych’s own Party of Regions voted to confirm his withdrawal from office and support a new government.

5) There is a humanitarian crisis and hundreds of thousands are fleeing Ukraine to Russia and seeking asylum.

The Facts: So far, the borders are clear. International organizations on the ground have investigated, speaking to Ukrainian border guards, and international journalists aren’t seeing it either.

But this particular missive so far isn’t exactly getting a round of applause from everyone. Clifford Gaddy, a Putin biographer and fellow at the Brookings Institution, told Bloomberg News that it just shows Moscow has really”got the goat” of the Obama crowd, but Putin will “never deign to personally engage with a bunch of nobodies at the State.”

And Twitter, in time-honored fashion, decided to have its say as well.

Your move Moscow. Better hurry before Letterman beats you to the punch.