I'm Rory, it's Wednesday and I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it.

If you've been lusting after a BMW M5, but you . . . If you want an M5, but it isn't, uhhh. Oh. If you want an M6, but you want four doors, but you don't want an M5 . . . Well, BMW is making an M6 Gran Coupe, because they'll be able to sell it for more than a regular Gran Coupe, and because people will buy it. Mechanically, it will be identical to the M5—so 560hp, a 4.4 liter twin-turbo V8 and automatic transmissions only.

Fiat and Nissan engaged in an eighth-grade slap-fight over who builds the uglier car, last week. It all started when Fiat's Olivier Francois said, “Isn't ugliness the worst pollution of all?” during the Fiat 500e-focused portion of his remarks at a Fiat LA Auto Show press conference, which was nearly 25-minutes long and was mostly taken up by bleakly sophomoric innuendo.

Fiat's Matt Davis correctly recited a similar talking point later, but neither actually mentioned Nissan, who must have assumed that Francois' ugliness remarks referred to the Nissan Leaf.

Speaking to Automotive News, Nissan's Simon Sproule said, “Let's face it, Fiat has not shied away from controversial styling themselves. Many would describe many of their products as visual pollution. Take a long, hard look at the Fiat Doblo.” Then, he looked up at a colleague and asked if he'd managed to say the word “many” enough times to satisfy the terms of their bet. Oddly, no one mentioned the Fiat Multipla.

And, finally, Bentley sent us a press release this morning with the headline “New Bentley brand identity speaks language of success.”

Here's a game. It's called guess what this press release is about.

Is it A. That VW is making Bentley communicate only in German from now on. B. They're rearranging their brand around a voice-activated infotainment system. C. Bentley is releasing a new line of “successories” for business people. Or D. They've redesigned their lobby in Crewe.

The answer is D.

And that's the news.

We'll be back tomorrow, but until then, check out our other videos on YouTube and on autoweek.com.