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Sex As We Age: Interview One

As per a recent announcement regarding interviewing women who are enjoying a passionate marriage bed in the more later years of their marriage, today I bring you the first feature on this topic. The couple I interviewed here are both close to the age of fifty.

1. What changes have you seen in your sex life as the two of you have matured in age?

We have seen changes for wonderful and challenging..for me..I had to deal with peri-menopause changes , such as the tissue in the vaginal area getting thinner and working with that ( luckily my doctor believes that the more sex the better to strengthen that area and I also use a estrogen cream occasionally if I need it…)
Dh ‘s was diagnosed with Low testosterone and we had to deal with that..and some beginning signs of ED which we have gotten past now..those were challenges…but we also have more time and energy without having a bunch of small kids to run after… we have learned to “savor” each other more along with quickies too..and we have been together for so long that we just really really know each other which makes for some awesome sex.

2. What are the most important factors you have found to be supportive of a love life that grows in intimacy?

Sharing ..not keeping things bottled up…addressing even the “embarrassing” problems..keeping God at the center ..willing to learn and change as we age and not getting “stuck in a rut”.

3. What obstacles did you find along the way that you had to overcome which were attributed to aging? How did you resolve them?

I addressed some of those in the first question…but as for me, I now at this age, sometimes have unexpected or extended periods..my cycles are not so regular as they were before..,if we allowed it to, this could put a damper on our love life…but we have found ways around that..on light days we just put a towel on the bed..heavier days we use the shower or the tub…On those days that it just is too uncomfortable or messy for me..I will give dh a HJ or OS..and this keeps things sizzling for us and keeps sex a priority..even when we can have PIV.
As for dh, he had lost most of his desire..we were concerned about this and had him tested to find out that he had low testosterone levels.he is now on Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT) and his levels are back in the normal range so this has been resolved..he also experienced the normal occasional bouts of ED ..due to aging..by watching his diet and exercise and by keeping the lines of communication open between us ( this IS a biggie) his issue with this has resolved.

4. What advice would you give to a younger husband and wife to help ensure that when they are celebrating the silver and golden anniversaries, they still have a passion between them?

I would tell them to make there love life and intimacy a priority..things in life have a tendency to pull us in all directions..and when we add jobs and children and in laws and hobbies..it is easy to lose sight of where we are..we must make our spouses our priorities and our best friends..connection through sexual touch (kissing hugging etc..) and communication is needed on a daily basis if possible (if your spouse is in the military or works aways from home you need to be inventive in ways that you can “keep in touch)..and your time as a couple must be treated as important. You can not just expect to keep your relationship on a back burner to get to it when you have time.

5. How would you describe your sex life today terms of frequency, intimacy level, passion level and so on?

Dh and I on average have 2 times on sexual connection a day..for us this is a quickie in the am…sometimes PIV..sometimes I will give him OS..or he me…and then in the evening we always make time to have PIV sex..even if we have to record a favorite tv show to watch later..our sex life comes before that..and we make it a priority..
There are times in the middle of the night if one of us can’t sleep..we wake the other up for sex..even though we may have just had sex 3 hours before..and weekends are whenever we want.
As we have aged and have gotten to know each other so well..have been through may of life’s experiences together, it has had an unexpected benefit to our sex life in that we at times can seem like almost one…( Of course, this is how God intended) but at the beginning of our lives together it didn’t seem as possible to be “one ” as it does now.
Sometimes our sexual intimacy is slow and leisurely..I often ask my dh how he doesn’t get bored but he still after all these years tells me he finds my body fascinating and makes new discoveries about it every week…sometimes we have hot and heavy sex…and sometimes when we start , we don’t have any idea which way it will go..
That is the awesome and wonderful thing about sex..if you just let go and let it happen it has the potential to be so many things and never boring.

6. In what ways has your sex life become better in recent years?

The biggest change for us was getting dh’s health straightened out. Our sex life literally exploded when that happened. We also have more time to devote to us…it is easier to carve out the time now and we do..we take every opportunity to find time to do things as a couple that expand and develop out intimate lives.
We save up and take a cruise together once a year..just us..with no other family and we take that week to just totally focus on each other and it is wonderful..as a younger couple , we were limited to doing this on weekends..which was great..but it is even more awesome to have a week to do this.. And as I stated earlier..dh and I have been through so much together at this point..that we can take and discuss anything..nothing is taboo between us ..so that makes our level of intimacy and connection that much deeper.

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WOW!! How encouraging! Thank you for your words of encouragement and wisdom.
I am not in an age group I feel should be having problems with a low sex drive, but I do. I have tried supplements and have even talked to my Dr about it. I didn’t get much help from there just a recommendation to see a marriage counselor. I really want to have that longing and deep desire back. My dream is to have a testimony like the one shared above when I am older.

Thanks, for sharing that. It’s great to hear there are middle aged couples enjoying each other with such passion.
It is contrary to what I hear at work.they all think sex dies out somewhere in your 40’s/50’s.
My DH are 46 and 47 and I feel like sex keeps getting better. We opted for a very large family so at our age we’re still dealing with small children,teenagers, and grandchildren in the house. We don’t get as much alone time so the frequency of sex isn’t like the couple interviewed but we try for at least 1x a day.:) (I can’t wait for more)
I very much agree that good communication and really knowing your spouse greatly impact your sex life. The longer your with someone the better you get to know them. Sex isn’t always about the physical (feel good part) but it’s a way to connect emotionally and spiritually which is needed daily. We are looking forward to the next 30 years together and have purposed in our marriage to keep sex alive!

Don’t buy the story that age is the end of a healthy sexual relationship. I am 73 and in good phsyical shape, and my DH and I enjoy each other nearly every day, at least once.

I try to help arouse him by wearing the kind of provocative (not slutty) clothes that he really likes, the kind I would NEVER wear out of the house. Gentle sensuous touching shows that you really care for him.

We are also completely open and communciate our desires to each other, including memories of past over-the-top experiences that we have shared. “Remember the time we . . . ”

I have been a fan of Romance novels for years, but my DH has lately bought me some more explicit ones, which turn me on immensely. (I think that was the whole idear).

This website has been a great resource in how to spice up your marriage. It’s a pity more good Christian women do not make use it.

Good for you Katie! I’m 43 and so looking forward to a lot of great sex over the next 20, 30…40 years. I love my children, but I can’t wait for the day when my DH are alone and can make love whenever and wherever we want 🙂

You can’t imagine what you have forward to look forward to. Once the children are gone, you can find out new uses for every room in the house. My DH and I had been widowed, and rediscovered how incredibly wonderful loving each other could be. I used to hate the song “The Second Time Around,” since I always thought of it as divorce. Remarriage after being widowed takes years off your age, and lets you satisfy the desires that had been dormant for years. So don’t be afraid of ageing. It can be the very best time of your life. Trust me! We love the Lord and each other, totally.

You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear such a testimony. We are in a place now of very little desire in my dh. He was taking testosterone but now being unemployed and no insurance, we have had to stop that. We are now down to less than once a week and it is killing me. I keep thinking if I could do more, or what am I not doing, or what is wrong with me? Hopefully, soon things can be rectified. I am going to try to email him this article. We do communicate well so that is a plus.