And we are with a Sofa. Not surprising that one would come up; they’ve got a tuner following from being dirt cheap and very easy to work on. Just barely cleared to be insured for actors and not very fancy at all. Unsurprisingly it’s only got a basic CD player. The rear engine layout is interesting to say the least, even though this is the least powerful car of the bunch with a measly 228 hp. Truly an example of tuning on a budget. Fitting the typical Sofa quality, the cheap aftermarket mods have actually made the car more solid.

Director’s note: Bargain basement car. Let’s use it for that one teenage character without much money.

Now this one’s a nice classic, but it’s styled rather more tastefully than we were expecting of the cars in the movie. Fitting the tasteful design, the interior is nothing really special, with just a basic CD player fitted to the original dash. It’s also not the most comfortable car out there. There are some worse ones, but it’s certainly below the standard we were expecting. Whoever’s going to be driving this will be happy the scenes won’t be long ones. It’s one of the less drivable and sporty cars, as well as one of the least powerful, but it’s made the cut. Just lacks that star potential.

Director’s note: We can use this one in one of the races. It feels more go than show.

Really not much done to this one, even as a classic. It lacks that street culture pizzazz we were looking for in terms of styling for the movie, but at least the interior has a fully decked out audio system in the trunk. Where this car really lost out is being one of the slowest in the quarter mile, but that’s not unexpected for a European classic. Driving characteristics are nothing special either, with this being one of the least agile cars of the bunch.

Director’s note: With that design, let’s focus on interior scenes for this one.

This one is… huh… special. We had to closely compare the modified one of the original several times to spot the differences and then still mixed them up until getting inside. This is how to not style a car for The Agile and the Angry. The interior has at least been decked out with a trunk audio system and all, so it’s not a completely lost cause. This happens to be one of the few cars that opted for an engine swap and it’s definitely worth it, it’s got decent performance to make up for the lacklustre design.

Director’s note: Let’s have it as a work in progress in Jake Kim’s gang garage that can go on a chase.

Ah, a Bogliq! This is another car with tasteful modifications that aren’t quite what we’re looking for, but at least it’s had some effort put in. Interior is quite nice, not the fanciest thing, but it’s got a trunk audio system. In terms of performance, it’s balanced and neither lacklustre nor outstanding. Definitely fits as a middle of the pack thing that doesn’t really stand out.

Director’s note: Let’s throw this one into a race, it’ll fit right in.

Now this is what we were expecting in terms of classic car design! It’s clearly modified for performance with a few modern elements thrown in. No trunk audio on this beast but it does have a nice CD stereo upgrade. Neither the most drivable nor the sportiest, this car manages to do so well by having a 520 hp V8 with a more than adequate quarter mile time. While it has the looks for Tim Petrol’s car, it’s seriously outclassed by some of the competition.

Director’s note: One of the most badass cars here. We’ll use it in at least one car chase.

What a car! This thing looks amazing and is exactly what we’ve been looking for… but it’s seriously outclassed in terms of performance. Both the interior and exterior are equally extreme and on point for the street racing culture of the movie, with high end trunk audio and that stylish wrap. It’s not the fastest quarter mile or the wildest performer, contrary to what it looks like, which is a real shame for such a badass Euro import.

Director’s note: Give it to one of Petrol’s friends, and showcase it in the first race. We can’t have this one go to waste. And find a chase to drop it into as well!

Here’s a nicely styled classic European import that’s lacking any decals. On par with what we’ve been looking for in terms of classics except seeming unfinished. It’s quite fast and even has trunk audio, but it’s a bit of a handful and just made the cut for the actor insurance. This is where this car lost out against others. For one of the oldest cars of the bunch, it’s really held its own against many of the modern offerings.

One of the most decal-covered cars of the bunch, and those are very tasteful. What has set this car back in terms of styling is the unusual headlights. Units like those have never been seen before, not even on concept cars, so it’s very strange. In terms of performance, this car’s fast but far from the most agile. The truly outstanding aspect of this one is the quality of the modifications, only equalled by one other car.

Director’s note: Strange headlights aside, this is a good crony car. Let’s give it to one of the bad guys.

Another great looking car! It’s both wild and badass. The style is also on the inside, with a trunk audio system. Although it’s one of the more powerful cars of the bunch, producing 462 hp, it’s one of the slowest on the 1/4 mile which is what’s caused it to suffer compared to others. Other than that, it’s quite easily drivable and handles nicely, so it’s still a solid car.

Director’s note: Love it! Get a couple more of these and use them as the heist cars.

Solid performer with lacklustre styling. Hardly more than a bright respray and a couple of decals and some trunk audio fitted in. It’s by far the easiest to drive of the bunch and is also one of the faster cars, but it has none of the design flair we expected for the movie. Shame, really, since it can really hold its own in terms of performance.

Director’s note: Just stick in a race somewhere. It’s another all go, no show sorta car.

Aaaah… so close, yet so far away. If only I had decided to focus on one stat between drivability and sportiness rather than trying to get a mix of the two… Being a Jack-of-all-trades means you don’t get attention for any one. Argh, this is heart-wrenching.

Well, here’s hoping it can be the Jaguar CX-75 to the movie’s Mr. Hinx (if it has a character like that, of course).
Also, since the movie, the car was gifted to a young member of Hugi’s engineering team, who added a “little” something to the Rioter…

Reviews Part 3 – Star Cars

Accomplice Car

Finally getting to the star cars. This bright orange coupe fits right in for the movie, with its tacky decals, over the top body kit, and just plain wild wing. It makes use of a decent trunk audio system, further adding to its show style for the screen. This is also the second car to have the best quality parts, boosting its apparent prestige.

Moving onto the mechanics, it’s powered by a not so heavily modified version of the twin-turbo 3.4L DOHC H6 originally found in the car, tuned to produce 416 hp and 376 lb-ft of torque. Revving up to 7500 RPM with a straight pipe makes it gloriously loud.

In terms of performance, this one just barely squeezed by the insurance company for its driving ease but it has more than adequate agility. The 1/4 mile takes 12.66 seconds, and with the NOS system we’ll add we can easily claim it to be a 10 second car.

Director’s note: Give this one to the hardass accomplice. It’s a big car fitting his stature and personality.

Accomplice Car

The next accomplice car has a personality put onto it and a mean flair, looking more practical than excessive. Even as a boxy older car, some of the styling brings it up to the present. It’s also got a fancy audio system taking up most of the space behind the rear seats. It’s a shame there’s a lot of clashing in the colours.

The engine is a DOHC I4, originally 2.2L in size but not bored to 2.4L and turbocharged. The heavy modifications have pushed the power output to 452 hp and 308 lb-ft or torque, while the 7900 RPM redline and straight piping make it scream like a bat out of hell.

Moving onto the performance, the drivability and agility are both on the lower end of the spectrum. Where this car shines is the 1/4 mile, which is achieved in 12.43 seconds and can easily be bumped up with NOS, especially with the relatively low weight of the car.

Director’s note: We’ll have this one lost in a desert race to the antagonist. It’s not much of your typical street racer.

Accomplice Car

The final accomplice car is this excessively styled mid-engine coupe. Once you look past the entire stock from a decal store plastered onto the car, it’s got some deliciously showy chameleon paint that changes between orange and blue. The body has been modified with vents everywhere that suggest a powerful engine needing plenty of cooling. The frunk is also outfitted with a wild audio system.

In terms of mechanics, the engine is a heavily modified version of the 2.0L DOHC I4, now with a turbo and more than triple the original power output. With 390 hp and 280 lb-ft of torque, it also makes use of a straight pipe while revving to 7600 RPM. Not as mean as sound as the H6 from the Triton, but still glorious.

For the performance, this one also barely made it by for the insurance while having the solid agility expected from a mid-engine layout. The 1/4 mile takes 12.55 seconds and will require clever positioning of the NOS tanks seeing as there’s no room in the front or rear.

Director’s note: Let’s give this one to the less stand-out accomplice. Use the car to make up for the lacking character development.

Act 1 Protagonist Car (Tim Petrol)

The first of the star cars is a mean black sedan that’s more than a little intimidating. While it has less liberal use of decals than the others, what it does have is nicely appointed to make it look street and mean. The body kit and wing also suggest more focus on performance than style but still have the right aesthetic for the movie. Fitting that suggestion, this car makes use of only a basic CD player for audio.

Under the hood is another DOHC H6, this one being a 3.2L unit that was originally naturally aspirated but was outfitted with twin turbos. Power output is nearly tripled from the original, boosted to 546 hp and 377 lb-ft of torque. Naturally it is also straight-piped and just outdoes the previous two cars by revving to 7700 RPM. The sound is pure titillation for the ears.

Performance-wise, this is one of the most easily driven cars and was easily covered by the insurance but it is slightly lacking in agility compared to most of the star cars, possibly from the weight of the back seat. The 1/4 mile on this one matches the Triton at 12.66 seconds and is easily improved by NOS to the required level.

Director’s note: Now this is perfect as Tim Petrol’s starter car. The mean and no nonsense looks fit his character.

Act 1 Protagonist Car (Dave Rennen)

The next star car is one of the more lacklustre in styling. Starting with a modern car that already looked long out of date, there really wasn’t much done to it beyond the decals and paint job. It has a few visual modifications but other than the wing, they’re very subtle. The interior is at least fitted with a state of the art audio system.

Under the hood rests a turbocharged 2.0L DOHC I5 that’s been boosted to 451 hp and 313 lb-ft of torque without very serious modifications. While it revs to 8100 RPM, it does have a muffler that does a lot to damper the engine note.

For performance, it is both decently drivable and agile while not excelling in either. The 1/4 mile is done in a very impressive 11.7 seconds, second only to one other car. This one won’t need a massive NOS system for that first race.

Director’s note: We’ll have Dave Rennen’s starter car be a work in progress, one that looks much slower than it is.

Antagonist Car (Jake Kim)

The final secondary star car is also the craziest of the bunch. The body kit isn’t the most extreme, but it’s more than adequate for the car. The real standout part is the decals and paint job, working cohesively into a single product. This is a design if someone who has money to show off tastefully. The same theme continues inside, with the top of the line trunk audio system.

Under the hood rests another twin-turbo DOHC H6, this one being a small 2.6L unit. The modifications bring its power output to 421 hp and 288 lb-ft of torque. Outdoing the other cars so far, it revs to 8200 RPM but is fitted with performance mufflers that somewhat subdue the exhaust note.

In terms of performance, this car is easily driven and is the most agile of the bunch. The 1/4 mile is completed in a respectable 12.43 seconds. This is a car where the looks match the performance, and that will be even more true once the NOS is fitted.

Director’s note: A mean looking car for a mean looking character. What’s under the hood is the stuff of legends.

Protagonist Car (Dave Rennen)

Now for the first of two star cars. This European import has been tuned to 11. The tasteful yet over the top bodywork, the flashy decals, the pearl white paint, all come together as something that can be seen as an enthusiast’s labour of love. As showy as it looks, there are other elements that suggest solid performance, such as the wheels and exposed intercooler. The interior is also fitted with state of the art audio, having the entire trunk dedicated to it.

Powering this car is a turbocharged 2.1L I5 that’s been modified to produce 400 hp and 363 lb-ft of torque. It does have a performance muffler fitted, so while it revs to 7100 RPM that distinctive I5 sound is slightly baffled.

Moving on to the performance side and the FAAL shines as brightly as its paint. The drivability isn’t the best but is certainly not the worst while the agility is impressive to say the least. The 1/4 mile is achieved in 12.06 seconds, the third best time without a NOS system.

Director’s note: This is what a star car should look like. The FAAL Tetra will forever be remembered as a mean street machine.

Protagonist Car (Tim Petrol)

And here’s the best car of the bunch and the second star car of the movie. This is what American muscle can be, and part of the domestic vs import battle that’s been fought for decades. This one is also tastefully done, staying true to the 80s shape while adding as much vents as possible without ruining the structural integrity of the car. While company decal use is limited, there is a beautiful contrasting wrap design. The interior uses a standard CD player that isn’t made to be a showpiece of the car. The overall look is one with some maturity to it, making a car that’s more for personal enjoyment than to be a showpiece for anonymous eyes.

Under the hood rests a 4.6L DOHC V8. The extensive modifications that include twin-turbos have boosted it to a wild 613 hp and 464 lb-ft of torque. This one also makes use of a performance muffler that somewhat baffles it, but that V8 rumble is still unmistakable.

The performance of the Maladus is fitting of its engine, with drivability being adequate and agility second only to the Ars. The real tour de force is the 1/4 mile being done in a blistering 11.59 seconds. This thing will not need much NOS to be made into a 10 second car.

Director’s note: Now this is American muscle fitting Tim Petrol’s character. As if American muscle wasn’t already badass enough, now LMC will reap the rewards.

And that’s all for the sportscar challenge, The Agile and the Angry has had its car casting done. I hope you all enjoyed the competition!

Now we obviously need at least one trailer featuring the winning cars doing their thang (misspelling intentional) on the road… And Tim Petrol better not be speaking coherent English, or I’ll blacklist the movie!

All joking aside, this was a very interesting competition indeed. The whole “unknown second part” was a neat deterrent for people trying to simply field the best version of their car. And when said part became known, we had to do to our cars what is normally mocked in these movies. Treading a fine line between tacky and tuner-accurate.

It is a shame that my Rioter didn’t go further, but looking at how the Maladus turned out, I can understand. I went down the “subtle-but-badass muscle car” route, but perhaps I should’ve been bolder in looks, to make up for the underwhelming engine specs and lackluster handling. Just the fact that I got a role in the movie at all with a top-of-the-line version is a victory for me.

Well, congrats where congrats are due. Congratulations to all the competitors, those who made the cut and those who didn’t, congrats to knight and chickenbiscuit for completing the Yin-Yang of protag cars, and congrats to thecarlover for such a varied competition overall!

Tim Petrol and Dave Rennen are trying out their new FAAL Tetra build. What Tim Petrol usually thought was an old, beat up, regular ass naturally aspirated FAAL Coupe 16S ended up being a salvage title Tetra Evo 4 with much, much more potential. Proud of what they achieved in the workshop, they rolled at a redlight next to an expensive looking, long, black coupe, driven by a douchebag with his Barbie Doll of the week. The four of them all look at each other, smirking competitively, if that’s even a thing.

“Beautiful ride. What is the resale value of such a car?” Dave asks to the other driver, him and Tim giggling like kids in the Tetra. The douchebag puts on yet another layer of fakeness to answer:

“More than what you can pay for, buddy.ALVINATOR.”
…needless to say the full black, long ass, +15 quality coupe was no match for french AWD, Derrickson performance parts, 5 bottles of top notch elbow grease and three POS shots.

If that’s not obvious, I’m really, really happy with that second place and will happily update the FAAL Tetra’s lore and 2018 resale value accordingly

Well, then again, the alvinator probably weighed more than the moon, cost more than $20 trillion, and was slower than a rusty old EG Civic with an addiction for double-crashing.

Anyway, this looked like a great challenge! A shame I couldn’t join in on the action; I would have loved to have submitted a car (even though it would never have seen the light of day in the film, what with my styling leaning a bit too…functional for such a form-centered challenge.