17 May 2013

NHL Awards 2013 - meet the contenders

In most part due to certain events occurring in the approximate timeframe of September 2012 to January 2013 that nobody connected with the NHL will talk about until Jeremy Jacobs next holds a friendly season-opening press conference EVER again, the usual lamevish Las Vegas awards bash is apparently on hiatus for at least a year.

Instead, this year's winners "will be revealed in two live television specials during the Stanley Cup Final", which I presume means Pierre McGuire will be carrying out at least some of the envelope-opening, hardware-giving duties in between the benches late in the third period of a tied Game 7.

The Great One later discovered barricading his daughter in her bedroom would be futile in the digital age

Until that time, here is a quick rundown of the main awards (those that are voted on) and those in the running:

Hart Memorial Trophy

Voted on by: Members of the Professional Hockey Writers' AssociationSupposed to be awarded to: The player adjudged most valuable to his teamIn practice, normally awarded to:Whichever player got the votes of the only two writers who interpret "most valuable" in the same way

Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins)
As well as his high skill level and competitive drive, famed for his high hockey IQ, although this apparently is not quite high enough to realise that the safest place to be to avoid a Brooks Orpik shot is directly in front of goal.

Alexander Ovechkin (Washington Capitals)
After something of a bounce-back campaign, now stands only 729 behind Pierre Turgeon's NHL record for most points scored after being buried by Dale Hunter.

John Tavares (New York Islanders)
Provides significantly more value than at least two of the players on the Islanders' payroll who have being a major award finalist on their résumés, by actually playing in games for the New York Islanders.

Ted Lindsay Award

Voted on by: Members of the National Hockey League Players' AssociationSupposed to be awarded to: The most outstanding player in the NHLIn practice, normally awarded to:Ron Hainsey or Ryan Miller, if Don Fehr really wants to screw around with Gary Bettman and Jeremy Jacobs

Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins)
Earned respect from the rank-and-file NHLPA members by spending much of October to January listening to a stream of extremely dull, PR-controlled rhetoric. In between re-watching his DVR collection of interviews of himself, also found some time to attend a few labour meetings.

Alexander Ovechkin (Washington Capitals)
During the lockout, racked up 40 points in half a season playing against non-NHL calibre opposition. In unrelated news, later scored 29 points in 18 games against Southeast Division teams.

Martin St. Louis (Tampa Bay Lightning)
Before achieving great success with the Lightning, was let go by the Calgary Flames for nothing at all, which is now widely regarded as the best return for a departing player the Flames have secured in the last 15 years.

James Norris Memorial Trophy

Voted on by: Members of the Professional Hockey Writers' AssociationSupposed to be awarded to:The defense player who demonstrates throughout the season the greatest all-round ability in the positionIn practice, normally awarded to:Nicklas Lidstrom

Kris Letang (Pittsburgh Penguins)
No stranger to individual awards, having won in 2007 the QMJHL's Kevin Lowe Trophy, presented to the defenseman adjudged most likely to bitterly reminisce about his success as a player while sustaining a failed executive career.

P.K. Subban (Montreal Canadiens)
Believed to have the opportunity to become the first player with a hockey term within his name to win a major individual award, after the failed attempts of Victor Hedman, Tanner Glass, Paul Postma, Lindy Ruff and Rudy Pokecheck.

Ryan Suter (Minnesota Wild)
The free agent lured away from the Nashville Predators by the extremely lucrative, decade-plus contract sanctioned by an owner with close ties to the NHL commissioner, instantly solidified his playoff-bound team, almost exactly as Paul Holmgren drew it up.

Vezina Trophy

Voted on by: General Managers of all NHL clubsSupposed to be awarded to:The goaltender who is adjudged to be the best at this positionIn practice, normally awarded to:The goaltender who is adjudged to be at least as good as Jim Carey and Jose Theodore turned out to be

Sergei Bobrovsky (Columbus Blue Jackets)
Aiming to follow in the footsteps of the last Columbus goalie to be nominated for the award, by playing wretchedly enough to be wanted by the Philadelphia Flyers.

Henrik Lundqvist (New York Rangers)
Has a chance of being the second European repeat winner of the award, following Dominik Hasek, recipient in 1994 and 1995, 1997 to 1999, as well as 2018 and 2019.

Antti Niemi (San Jose Sharks)
Famously worked part-time as a Zamboni driver during his junior days in Finland, the hockey player/rink maintenance combination giving him something in common with teammate Scott Gomez, who is responsible for the sharp decline in coins and beer cups being thrown on the Bell Centre ice during Montreal Canadiens games.

Calder Memorial Trophy

Voted on by: Members of the Professional Hockey Writers' AssociationSupposed to be awarded to:The player selected as the most proficient in his first year of competition in the National Hockey LeagueIn practice, normally awarded to:The
player selected as the most proficient in what might be his third year
of competition in the National Hockey League after what might be no or
several years of competition in another professional league

Brendan Gallagher (Montreal Canadiens)
As aCanadian with an Irish name who was drafted by the Canadiens one spot after the Maple Leafs selected a Swede, has already ensured a legacy of providing Don Cherry with at least 15 years' worth of content for Coach's Corner.

Jonathan Huberdeau (Florida Panthers)
Born in 1993 and scorer of 14 goals in 48 games, making him the only candidate whose bio could also describe the team he plays for.

Brandon Saad (Chicago Blackhawks)
Led all rookies by a distance in the statistical categories of most goals scored while playing with Jonathan Toews and Marian Hossa and most assists gained while playing with Jonathan Toews and Marian Hossa.

Frank J. Selke Trophy

Voted on by: Members of the Professional Hockey Writers' AssociationSupposed to be awarded to:The forward who best excels in the defensive aspects of the gameIn practice, normally awarded to: The 50-point forward who best excels in probably taking a few faceoffs, being "gritty" and showing "hustle", plus faring well in the ultra-reliable defensive statistics of plus/minus and takeaways

Patrice Bergeron (Boston Bruins)
As well as being a member of the prestigious Triple Gold Club consisting of players who have won an Olympic gold medal, a World Championships gold medal and the Stanley Cup, is also in the even more select group of players who have scored a playoff series winning goal against the Toronto Maple Leafs and do not have English as a first language, following in the most recent footsteps of Jeremy Roenick.

Pavel Datsyuk (Detroit Red Wings)
Looking to win this award for the fourth time, which would tie him with Hall of Famer Bob Gainey, who was credited with significantly reducing the number of goals conceded by the Montreal Canadiens between 1973 and 1989 as well as the New York Rangers between 2011 and 2013.

Jonathan Toews (Chicago Blackhawks)
The youngest person (at 22 years, 41 days) to gain entry into the aforementioned Triple Gold Club, a feat to impress everyone except teammate, Patrick Kane, who boasts of earning VIP membership of at least 75 different clubs in Chicago by the age of 20.

Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy

Voted on by: Members of the Professional Hockey Writers' AssociationSupposed to be awarded to:The player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockeyIn practice, normally awarded to:The player who missed the most games through injury the season before

Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins)
"Continued to evolve his game" and "a career-best plus-26 rating" are among the irrelevant reasons for his candidacy noted in the NHL.com awards feature, the Penguins' actual endorsement of "definitely not being Matt Cooke" mysteriously not being referred to.

Josh Harding (Minnesota Wild)
Among his other career accolades, winner of a silver medal at the World Junior Championships, so presumably the Masterton nomination is for finally escaping the prison to which Hockey Canada sends all its junior players that disgrace the country in that way.

Adam McQuaid (Boston Bruins)
Recovered from two surgeries resulting from Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, a condition sometimes developed by athletes who frequently raise their arms above the head, meaning Zdeno Chara now has at least one fewer congratulatory tap on the helmet when he scores a goal.

Lady Byng Memorial Trophy

Voted on by: Members of the Professional Hockey Writers' AssociationSupposed to be awarded to:The
player adjudged to have exhibited the best type of sportsmanship and
gentlemanly conduct combined with a high standard of playing abilityIn practice, normally awarded to:The
player adjudged to have had the fewest penalty minutes when the voters
quickly skim down the list of top 20 scorers five minutes before the
deadline to send in their ballot

Patrick Kane (Chicago Blackhawks)
Presumably distraught on eventually finding out he wasn't in fact a finalist for the Lady Banger Trophy.

Matt Moulson (New York Islanders)
Drafted in 2003 by the Pittsburgh Penguins and quickly becoming the best goalie drafted in 2003 by the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Martin St. Louis (Tampa Bay Lightning)
Travels at high speed around the rink, most often directly towards goal, seemingly only a few feet from the ice, all characteristics that have the unfortunate side-effect of making him invisible to Lightning goaltenders.

Jack Adams Award

Voted on by: Members of the NHL Broadcasters' AssociationSupposed to be awarded to:The coach adjudged to have contributed the most to his team's successIn practice, normally awarded to:The coach adjudged to have the most candidates for the Masterton Trophy next year

Bruce Boudreau (Anaheim Ducks)
After being dismissed by the Washington Capitals in 2011, became the fastest coach to be hired after being fired in the NHL, although that sentence from Wikipedia possibly contains a small typo.

Paul MacLean (Ottawa Senators)
Famously spotted in close proximity to his doppelgänger near the bench during one game this season, bringing back memories of the Jack Adams winner in 1994, when Lou Lamoriello threatened to replace Jacques Lemaire late in the season with his reliable fall-back option, Jacques Lemaire.

Joel Quenneville (Chicago Blackhawks)
With 660 career regular season wins on his coaching record, on his current pace, can look forward to celebrating #700 around 15 games into the Blackhawks' 2013/14 season.

General Manager of the Year Award

Voted on by: General Managers of all NHL clubs and a panel of NHL executives, print and broadcast mediaSupposed to be awarded to:The top National Hockey League General Manager In practice, normally awarded to:The National Hockey League General Manager Thought Most Likely To Be Persuaded By Other National Hockey League General Managers Not To Sign Any Restricted Free Agents To Offer Sheets This Summer

Marc Bergevin (Montreal Canadiens)
Notorious prankster who smoothed relations with the Francophone media and fans after the Randy Cunneyworth fiasco with his unique ability to conduct bilingual interviews using only a hand cupped under his armpit and squeezing his elbow to his ribs.

Bob Murray (Anaheim Ducks)
To avoid a repeat of a 2009 chair-throwing incident, the Ducks now employ Brian Burke to sit in the GM's seat whenever his former understudy returns to his office. At least that's the reason Burke is giving.

Ray Shero (Pittsburgh Penguins)
Made a series of smart in-season deals that would significantly enhance his credentials for this award by concentrating on making those deals with GMs who would be most likely to ensure that fewer than 30 GMs would be GMs when the voting took place.

1 comment:

I cannot believe I did not know you still wrote this blog. Brilliance as usual and nice touch not picking on Pavel! Not that there is anything to pick. Although he does shoot an unusual amount of snot rockets during games.

They should pull Buck Twenty Kaner from the Lady Bing and give him his own category "Most likely to repent for beating down cab drivers by growing sad mange on his face during the Playoffs" Or as we call it out here: "The Jeremy Roenick Lifetime Achievement Award"