Meffert: Mayan calendar missing key information

By Marcy Meffert :
June 27, 2012
: Updated: June 27, 2012 3:27pm

The Mayan calendar and its predictions are hot topics these days. We know that the Mayans were a culture with extremely advanced knowledge of astronomy, stonework art and construction, herbal medicine and much more that the Spanish conquistadors never really understood. The calendar is a hot topic because the Mayans failed to include an explanation as to what would happen when the calendar ended in December 2012, which the pessimists of this world assume is a disaster that's been waiting to happen.

What if the reason they didn't put this vital information on their calendar is that there just wasn't enough space? What if the elite Mayan hierarchy planned to document the 2012 happening on their next calendar? There was no need to know ASAP since 2012 was centuries in the future. What if the Mayans got so busy building their magnificent pyramids that the stonecutters didn't have time to chisel out another calendar?

What if the Mayan seers saw something good happening in December 2012, instead of something bad, such as Earth and its galaxy being sucked into the biggest, blackest hole of the universe? Is there a rule that our first thought when we don't understand something is to assume the worst? Some who believe aliens helped build the pyramids also believe that space creatures will return to perpetrate doom upon Earthlings. Those of us old enough to remember Flash Gordon comics will recall that even the earliest space sagas depicted other space beings as up to no good, just like modern fictional aliens who want to destroy our planet or kidnap us for breeding stock and other experiments in their galaxies (excluding nice guys like TV's Mork and Alf and the movie's E.T.).

Why not assume that good things will happen in December? What if the Mayan seers saw the end of poverty, hunger, disease and, finally, the beginning of world peace for all nations magically happening in December 2012? And, what if this magic would be because of the efforts of beauty-pageant contestants who have been promising to work toward those lofty goals for decades? (OK, it's a stretch!)

What if the Mayans predicted that, when the 2012 election season was over in the U.S., our modern hierarchy would start working together for the common good? What if we stopped worrying about Mayan predictions and started adapting some of their customs to our modern needs? We could sacrifice a few unruly elites to the gods by tossing them down deep wells leading to the netherworld - no need to cut out their hearts as depicted on Mayan ruins; some of our elites don't seem to have hearts. If sacrifice is too severe, we could punish those who put potholes in the road to peace by piercing their earlobes ancient Mayan style - with plugs as thick as thumbs - so they would be easy to identify.

What if we avoid thinking about the Mayan calendar's missing information and focus on mixing up a batch of really good margaritas? Make mine frozen, no salt with a splash of amaretto.