Conan wanted nothing more but to skip school, relax, literally grow up and touch Ran. The list of his 'need-to-do' was a little hard to achieve and quite complicated but he would give anything just to do them.

He let out a tired groan, a frustrated one. If anybody should have seen the little boy make such an adult mannerism, they would have taken him to the nearest crack doctor for a check up. He looked around and found the street empty. Eighty percent sure that he was alone, he took off his eyeglasses and shoved it inside his pocket. He kept his eyes on the pavement to make sure his face was still unseen just in case someone walked by.

He was still Shinichi Kudo, wasn't he?

Thoughts unsettled, he opened the door of the Mouri residence and stepped inside. "I'm home," he yelled without feeling. He dragged his feet to the room where he stayed and closed the door behind him.

Was it guilt that made him feel so nostalgic?

He took off his blue overshirt and bowtie and threw it on the floor. Plopping tiredly on the bed, he closed his eyes and sighed again. His thoughts kept on switching back to Ran. No matter how he tried to think of something else, his mind insisted on thinking of only the young woman. He clenched his jaw harder. How he missed her. Her old free-spirited self, her smiles and laughter when they were together, his body, her voice, his life –in fact, he missed a lot of things.

Conan still managed to sneak his way to help solve some cases, once in a while called as Shinichi Kudo, but he felt himself getting exhausted from pretending, running one place to the other and trying to solve mysteries of other people when he himself could not solve his own case.

Warm tears fell from the corners of his eyes, sliding down from his temples to his hair, making a cool path of loneliness.

How his heart ached and how it affected his perspective in life.

Nobody was aware, nobody was looking, nobody was concerned…

Didn't anybody know that Shinichi Kudo was killed?

He was killed –his life was taken away!

I'm a victim, he wanted to cry out to the world. Won't anybody help me?

He was living but he didn't feel alive. It was as if he was living a livid dream, floating into nothingness and numbness… he was sure that it was very similar to death. He recalled so many times when he gazed into the eyes of the undead –didn't they have the same blank glassy stare that expressed oblivion? Every time he looked at the mirror, didn't he see the same image?

Only Ran…

Only she was his sun, his light… aside from her, there was nothing.

But he felt a little guilty though.

Blushing furiously, he shifted on his bed and chewed on his lower lip. His eyes kept wide as he stared at the wall, a scene playing before him.

How could he ever forget how she felt?

That night was perverted and many would agree that it was wrong but… that night assured him that she was still waiting and loving him, she was still his. She belonged to him and oh how he lingered so many nights on the idea. He retreated the following nights after that though. He just couldn't bear to tempt himself with her again, knowing how defenseless she was and it took a painful toll on him –it was way too one-sided.

'Nhhh…' he moaned passionately as he relieved himself, tugging and pulling the small rod inside his shorts. His other hand clamped on her breast, his fingertips digging madly on her soft flesh.

She whimpered under his touch, still sleeping and absorbed dreaming, hissing his name under her breath, 'Shinichi…'

More tears fell on his cheeks and he hardly wiped those away with the back of his hand. Sobbing uncontrollably, he closed his eyes and shook his head.

Yes, he was still Shinichi! He was Shinichi!

He wanted to kiss her awake that night and though she'd be shocked as hell to find him in her room, he'd tell her who he really was –that she wasn't wrong that he was Shinichi Kudo, that he didn't, wouldn't never ever leave her. But he knew it would not make any sense at that time of night and he was far too engrossed with his jacking.

"Conan-kun… are you awake?" a gentle voice called behind the door after a faint knock. "Dinner is ready… Dine with me, okay?"

His eyes flew open with caution and he realized he fell asleep while crying.

If there was one thing he hated about his little boy body, it was his inability to control his emotions and tears. He was very pathetic.

Running his small fingers through his rumpled hair, he sat on the bed and pulled his spectacles from his pants and put it back on. He opened the door and went to the kitchen and found Ran already sitting down eating. Plastering a smile on his face, he greeted her good night and sat down across her.

"So how was your day?" she asked with a smile.

He felt the tears coming but blinked them back hardly. He kept his gaze on his bowl of rice. "So so…" He then felt a warm hand on his forehead. Staring blankly at her, he saw concern in her face.

"Are you okay? You look so…" Ran said, her brows knitted to a frown. She smiled faintly. "Lonely?"

Oh yeah. You got me, love. "Ran-chan should not worry… Conan is fine." But Shinichi isn't. Using Conan in the third person surely was truthful. Before she was able to withdraw her hand, he bravely caught it in his own and grasped on it.

The touch it seems, stirred something dark within the little boy. The sense drifted off to blissful rebellion. Who should care? Shouldn't they exist in this world together?

Ran was not surprised. "Then what is bothering Conan?"

"Conan… always Conan," he whispered harshly, pulling her hand to his lips and giving it a warm kiss.

Her eyes widened and her breath hitched but she did not take her hand back. "C-conan… what's the matter…"

"The matter is this," he snapped, shoving her hand down the cloth of his shorts, making his rice bowl topple over and making her gasp.

"Conan!" she exclaimed, trying to pull her hand back but his clamp on her was too hard. "What do you think you're doing!"

He laughed and shook his head, rising a little from his seat and stealing a kiss on her lips. "Ran, you baka. Don't you know that even a geek like Shinichi Kudo likes to have some fun sometimes?"

Ran's moist lips dried in a second he mentioned her name, her focus on his eyes, forgetting where her hand was placed.

"Yeah, that's right," he whispered as he pushed her hand harder against his rod. "This is me, Mouri baka. I am Shinichi."

"I-I… know you like m-me, Conan-kun… but… please," she whispered, trying hard to pull her hand back from his erection. "I love Shinichi… don't use him like this…"

The tears he held back poured from his eyes without shame. "Don't you feel me, Ran? Your suspicions were right. I am Shinichi. Believe me."

"N-no…"

"Yes! Its me," he said, letting her hand go, making her fall back. He jumped on her and slid his arms around her form, nuzzling his face against her chest. "Its me, Ran. I was always here, Ran. I'm Shinichi!"

Ran started to cry and put her arms around the small boy. "Oh Conan… you don't have to be like this to make me happy. I'm fine, believe me… I can manage without Shinichi in my life."

The words were supposed to kill him for the third time in his lifetime but that wasn't the issue. She did not believe him. He moved to sit on her body, straddling her. He took off his glasses and took hold of her face. "Look me in the eyes, Ran! Tell me, tell me you see me!"

Stunned, Ran's mouth remained open. "C-conan…"

"Look at me!"

"N-no…!" she yelped, pushing him off her with all her strength. She quickly got to her feet before he could even recover. She jumped a few meters from him and kept her clenched fists against her chest. Her tears were spilling without control on her cheeks. "I don't know what came over you, Edogawa Conan but what you did was something… distorted! This is not how a little boy is supposed to act!"

"That's just it! I am NOT a boy!" he yelled before she run to her room. He knew he must have sounded ridiculous to have said what he did but he couldn't think straight. He felt guilt, loneliness, anger, passion, love mixing inside his chest. Did she mean what she said? That she could manage without him?

More tears fell on his cheeks. Why couldn't she believe him? But then…

Why would she?

Sobbing, he tried to put things back in order. He knelt down and found his glasses, wiped the rice on the floor, picked up the bowl, put the table back in place, washed and dried the dishes.

Retreating to his room, he kicked the door close behind him and lay back in bed. He ruined everything. And what a perfect way to reveal himself to her –putting her hand on his little wiggler! How insane and how stupid…

He must have scared her even more.

Now she was probably calling the mental hospital. A little boy harassing a teenage girl. How splendid. Just what he needs. Another complication.

Crying himself to sleep, the little boy was unaware that he left the door unlocked.

He felt his bed move, like the weight increased. Then he felt something warm behind him and the he took a deep breath of her scent. He wanted to cry but he cried too much before he lay in bed. He felt her put and arm around his torso, pulling him closer to her. He closed his eyes and wished that she didn't know he was awake. Her lips drew closer to his ears, he could feel her hot breath tickling his skin. He tried hard not to shiver as he felt her, tried hard to look like sleeping.

"Shinichi," she whispered, closing her lips on his earlobe. "Is this really you inside this little boy…?"

He bit his lip and tried hard not to speak too soon. He would not do or say something stupid again. But if there was one thing he could not bare to ignore was that she had kissed him so heatedly. He shivered again.

"I don't know if I am really crazy," she spoke softly, smoothing his hair with her hand. "But I don't know what I saw in your eyes. I knew long before that Conan did look like Shinichi but I really didn't get to see you so close without the glasses." She sobbed and shook her head. "If you really are Shinichi then… I'm supposed to be angry with myself for being so ignorant of you. How could I have let your size, your eyeglasses –fool me? Of all the people you could deceive, why am I one of them? Now I doubt if I really love you enough to feel you… For that I'm sorry."

How could he tell her? That she was not giving herself much credit… How many days and nights has she spent thinking of him, wondering about him –he spent too many times looking at her and listening to her as Conan. She was not at fault. She was a woman who had strong vibes. It was just the fact that Mouri Ran trusted people too much that she convinced herself to accept that Edogawa Conan was just a splitting image of Shinichi Kudo –just because the little boy, he, said so.

"Oh, Shinichi… I don't know how am I able to get through what you told me. Tell me… how am I supposed to get through something like this?"

His heart gave a loud beat.

"You took advantage of our baths together, you jerk," she said. "Or perhaps I did it unconsciously on purpose?" she giggled. "Sounds so complicated but you do understand, right?"

Now he felt like a teddy bear. Listening to his owner's confiding, unable to react, unable to return the embraces and caresses…

"Maybe deep down I was hoping. Maybe I knew somehow that it was you. That it wasn't wrong to be completely naked with the man I love… though he was a boy at the time," she said. "And maybe I held back… simply because I didn't want to get carried away with everything… The possibilities of going insane are endless."

Shinichi wanted to nod.

"But Shinichi… did you feel? Did you feel that I loved you though I called you 'Conan'?" she asked. "Did you?"

Shinichi shook his head and turned to face her. "Ran… are you sure you believe what you're saying yourself?" He touched her face with his lithe hands and smiled faintly. "Because if you doubt what you say, I suggest you call it a night and think nothing of this but a bad dream. I don't want to put you through hell thinking of this impossibility of me being a boy."

Ran blinked at him and touched his hand that held her cheek. "I want to believe and doubt at the same time. But I know that I can feel you right now."

He only nodded and bravely kissed her lips. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have done what I did earlier. I just wanted to assure you in the most stupid way I could think of –I wasn't an ordinary boy."

"So it seems," she said with a chuckle. "What weird philosophy, Shinichi. So very much like you."

He blushed and bit his lip. "Listen, Ran… You could forget all of this. Just go to sleep tonight and forget this ever happened."

She kept silent.

"But before you leave… could I do something…?"

"Another weird philosophy?"

He nodded. "If you prefer, after this I'd even leave your house."

"You don't have to do that…"

"Then let me do this," he said, planting a kiss on her lips. He moved his lips accordingly, though he felt her freeze and stiffen. He brushed his tongue across her full lips, wishing for some entrance. "Close your eyes," he whispered, placing his palms on her eyes and started to kiss her again.

Only nodding, she complied and parted her lips, welcoming his warm kisses.

He pushed his little tongue inside her mouth and after a few slow strokes, she responded with a whimper. Her eyes under his palms began to feel moist and he knew she was crying. He stopped his lips and took his hands off her face. "Sorry. I really scared you, didn't I?"

Before he could leave, her hands caught him, pulling him back. She sobbed but had a smile on her face. "I must be really screwed. But don't think of me wrong, Shinichi… This is you. I feel it. Please… kiss me again."

He hesitated but kissed her again, keeping her head still with his hands.

They stopped to breathe.

"I just felt so happy and lonely at the same time, that's all…" she said, smoothing his hair with her hand. "So happy that you are who I am kissing and so lonely that I couldn't have done it any sooner."

"You know you have to go back to living life like you didn't hear or do this, Ran," he said, his small hands instinctively roaming her collarbone and neck. "You know its just not right."

Ran shook her head. "But we could come through this –we'll find a cure!"

She gasped when he cupped her breasts than gave it a squeeze. "That's just it, Ran. There is no cure…"

"How can you be so sure?" she asked, closing her eyes as his fingers now started to unlock her blouse.

"Dr. Asaki is trying to find the cure by doing research and a whole lot of experiments… but I know as much as he does that the potion used to drug me really was a very…" he stopped as he unclasped her bra (yippee for front-closure brassieres), exposing her breasts to him. His mouth dropped open and he quickly went for her face. She kept her eyes closed and shivered every now and then. He wanted to touch her nipples but he couldn't bear to do that again. "R-ran… I am sorry…" His tears raced back to his eyes and he quickly put his small hands against it. "I-I couldn't do th-this… I know you're doubting me… I know it… You're trying to blind yourself for tonight but you know tomorrow morning that you'd regret doing this and you'd feel guilty and dirty for messing up with a boy staying in your house! Oh Ran… I'm so sorry…"

She shifted as she tried to sit. She looked at his sobbing frame. "Shinichi…"

"No! I am Conan! I am Conan! That's who I'll be… I don't know what I'd do if you snap… believe what you want to," he cried.

Ran shook her head and reached out to him, pulling him closer to her, against her naked breasts. "Shinichi… I trust you. If ever you are Conan –I'd trust whatever you have to say. And I do know and believe you, Shinichi."

He looked up at her from her valley of softness and sniffed. "Are you sure…?"

"Stop crying, okay?" she whispered, pushing him back against her bosom, making him blush wildly. "Now it will take you a whole lot of guts to believe that I made up my mind into believing your silly excuse to get laid at such a young age."

"R-ran…!"

"You're seventeen, Shinichi," she whispered. "Do you really want to make love to me? I kinda preferred that we do this after the wedding."

Shinichi smiled and kissed her soft curve. "I love you, Ran."

"I love you too."

He kissed her soft flesh and adjusted to suckle on her hardened nipple, his other hand squeezing the other. He flicked his tongue on the nub of flesh, making her moan and cry out his name. "You taste good…"

She chuckled. "Yeah right…"

He switched to the other breast and again made his tongue work on her. "I feel like your son…"

He knew she was joking though. As he suckled her, his hands traveled further down on her skirt, pushing it up on her waist and tugging on her panties. He cupped her wet sex and hungrily kissed her lips as he found out that she was in need and ready for him.

"Oh Shinichi…" she moaned, as she started to grind her hips against his hands. "I wish you were bigger…" she laughed.

"Me too," he whispered as he went down to face her mound. He kissed the inner sides of her thighs slowly and closed his eyes as he buried his face against the thick scent of her sex. The scent was alluring, stinging inside his brain. After giving her soft hairs a light kiss, he parted those lips with his tongue and began licking. She almost screamed when he sucked on her clitoris.

"Shinichi!" she called, her slim fingers grasping his hair, pushing him harder against her.

She likes it, he congratulated himself, letting his tongue work wonders, his lips well exercised for his blissful duty. He held her hips as hard as he can, trying to keep her in place. Ran… This is my Ran… She tastes so good.

"Shinichi…" she groaned, her breasts heaving up and down.

As her walls finally began to tighten, he withdrew his mouth from her and replaced his the movement with his fingers. Ran moaned loudly as he began to pump her, her juices quickening the pressure between her legs. As his hand pleasured her, he kneeled forward to kiss her breasts. "I love you." His free hand reached for his own trousers and he started to pull with feeling, first slowly, then harder. He thought he couldn't do it, but his hands were participating. Finally, some cooperation with his body.

Ran whimpered again, calling his name. "Shinichi…" she called again, reaching her hands out to touch his face. "Please kiss me…"

"Ran…" he trailed off, unable to oblige, unable to stop the movement of his hand between her legs. He couldn't do this to her… He couldn't possibly make love to her with this body…

Ran saw the doubt in his eyes and she pulled his hair. "Shinichi! PLEASE! I'm coming!"

Shinichi's eyes widened and in a blink of an eye, he was on top of her, his shorts on his knees, his waist between her legs, his hands on her knees, keeping her open. He swallowed the thick lump on his throat. "A-are you s-sure…?" Her eyes were still closed, he noticed. She was breathing with labor and ecstasy. The tip of his member was a inch from her entrance and yet, he could not decide. His hands hardened their grip on her knees. "Ran…"

"YES!" she screamed, pushing her hips forward. "Please… Shinichi… Make love to me… I love you."

Shinichi nodded, blinking back the tears. Somehow, he would just have to deal with whatever may come tomorrow. He would give himself today the exception of enjoying her and pleasuring her. "I love you, Ran," he whispered and plunged himself hard against her entrance.

Ran screamed in alarm, "Itai!"

Before he could say or do anything else, Ran opened her eyes and smiled. She nodded and whispered, "Go on… please."

Taking a deep breath, he began his rhythm. Sliding himself in and out of her. His hips in autopilot, he observed her face, the loveliness she exuded. Sweat was all over her, made her skin glisten –wet porcelain, and that skin that was so soft was flushed beautifully. Her eyes were half-open, slits on her beautiful head, framed by her long, wonderful brown hair. And her mouth. Kami-sama, her lovely mouth was open, breathing heavily from pleasure. From pleasure… He wished he could reach her lips but all he could do was move his hips. He could not even manage to see the excitement of his body. What he was so attentive to was her face and her reactions. Ran was beautiful.

"Ah… Shinichi… harder…" she begged, raising her hips closer against his, crushing their pelvises together. She groaned as she continued to close and seal herself against him. "Ah…Ah…Ah…! I'm coming!"

Shinichi's ears were vibrating, just like his member, his heart. Then he pounded into her, hoping to reach her core, her heart and soul.

"SHINICHI!" she hollered as she came and shuddered. She bit her lip as he continued his dance, he was not there yet.

Then Shinichi felt it. First it came like a sting from the heart, a slow yet mind blowing circulation from his heart, traveling slowly through his veins, throughout his body. And then, he felt himself getting more energy, more air and he slammed his hips against her, now awaiting his own release. When he felt himself stiffen, he put all the energies he had into three hard jerks, made her scream and finally reached the euphoria he so much deserved.

After a while, he pulled himself from her, feeling tired yet somehow, relieved. It had been good. He crawled on top of her, trying his best to move and not fall on top of her. He felt extra heavy. He then realized that her eyes were open, as in staring at him in horror. "Ran…?" he asked, feeling scared.

Had she realized too late the reality of what they just done?

"Shinichi…!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him, kissing him all over the face. "Shinichi!"

Shinichi Kudo could not think of anything else as he felt Ran's naked breasts press against his manly chest, her thighs brushing against his bigger 'family jewels', her lips pressing against his naturally own seventeen-year-old pair, but: No fucking way.