Believe in you

Ever since I wrote about finding a big cyst on my ovary, you have been incredibly supportive. Women, thanks for all of the helpful information. And guys, thanks for your manly, good vibes!

Exactly one month after that first ultrasound, another was scheduled for last Friday. Every day for the past month, I’ve been visualizing this cyst disappearing. I really believed it. But as much as I can put on a good stoic front, I was scared.

That’s when he offered to drive me — and my full bladder — to the clinic, where the waiting room was packed.

How romantic! Especially after you’ve just downed the mandatory six full glasses of water half an hour before your appointment. If you’ve ever had to sit with a very full bladder and wait, you know how uncomfortable I was.

Finally, they called my name to sign the insurance paperwork. I waddled to the window.

The guy behind the desk handed me the forms, and said: “You drank all of your water, yes?”

“Oh, yeah,” I moaned.

Then he looked at me again, rather oddly. “If you need to, you can release a little.”

Me: “Release?”

Him, loudly: “Yes, you can release a little in the bathroom down the hall.”

Me: “Do you mean that I can—?”

Him: “Yes, but just not all of it. Release a little so you’re not so uncomfortable.”

I zoomed down that hall, without saying a word to Chris.

When I got back to the waiting room, I had a little spring to my step. Chris put his arm around me: “Did you release, love?”

If you thought that was tender, listen to what he said next: “I’ll come into the room with you, if you want.”

The technician — in her thick Russian accent — ordered me to lie down. That’s when Chris sat down in the chair next to me and held my hand.

The first thing the technician said was: “You did a very good job drinking all that water.”

Tell me about it.

And then she added: “I can see perfectly.”

“What can you see?”

The cyst on the right ovary was gone! Poof! Vanished.

~~~

Thank you to Kim Kelly of My Crew Magazine for inspiring the title to this blog post in her first-ever comment on my blog. After this weekend’s drama, she encouraged me to “keep doing what you are doing in a positive light.”

“If you and anyone of us believes in the higher cause, the movement of single parenthood, it is our children first. This type of banter back and forth is not a good example to our children… Believe in you. Period. The rest will come.”

What I believe in … I’m not ‘religious’, I consider myself more spiritual. I believe that JC guides me daily. What’s cool about that is even when I do things that I KNOW He does not want me to do, He’s still there to pick me up after the fall out. I think that is so neat.

One more thing I believe in … I believe that girls of African descent should be taught to love their hair, skin, and features. Self love and appreciation is SO important for all of us, isn’t it?

I’ve got chills….wonderful news for you! I had an oncologist once tell me, during a period of ‘watchful waiting’ to ‘not worry about it’. He said he could prove it wouldn’t help, and rather suspected it might actually hurt matters. I took that to heart. Belief and faith are powerful tools if we trust in them.

I believe that I can and am changing the course of my son’s life by breaking the cycle of abuse I grew up…against the odds.

I believe (and I wish you could hear me say this, so you could hear the right inflections; it is not as morbid as it reads) that my life is screwed. I accept that. But I believe I have the power to change the the trajectory of my son’s and future generations by changing his tomorrows through a whole lot of hard work today.

I believe strongly that my little girl will stay as nice and kind and generous as she is now. That’s her nature and no matter what other people say, I refuse to buy into the fact that she will instantly become nasty and ungrateful over the next few years. One only has to look at her grandmother (my mom) to see what the adult version of this nice child will look like.

I actually just found out that I’ve got a cyst on my lower tailbone. I’m seeing a doctor tomorrow about it. I’m sure it’s nothing serious (I think it’s a Pilonidal cyst), but with cancer running in my family it’s still something I’m concerned about.

But you know what? I’m going to maintain a positive attitude and just wait for the doctor’s advice. No need jumping ahead and getting all upset about something I have no control over.

As a cancer survivor, I am so happy all went well for you. Sounds LG is a good guy. I believe in staying true to yourself and do things that will allow you to look in the mirror with pride at the end of the day.

that flower M wants to pick from the neighbor’s garden because it is sooo pretty she just has to have it

that convertible with the keys in them that I have always wanted that is sitting in the grocery store parking lot unattended

the recycle bin down the street in the neighbor’s driveway that has an entire ream of unopened paper sitting on top of it

the fight that my DD’s BFF and boyfriend are having (no DD it is not your business to mouth off to the boyfriend..yes support your sista’ but stay out of it)

the adorably handsome and generous married man who offered to buy me a drink or stopped to help me with my flat tire

the mother who is interacting with her child at the park for something or in a way you would not do
(yes you can smile and maybe acknowledge “I have a kid too.” but stay out of the rest until a call to CPS is necessary)

Hey I’ve been there..full bladder and some guy checking out your ovaries. Congrats! When I was young my favorite feeling was excitement.. that rush, but now that I’m older, I’ll take the sweet feeling of relief over adrenaline rush every time.

Ahh, power of thought.. power of YOU! You go girl! Congrats on de-manifesting!

*I* believe that I can still conquer the world and do everything I want to do with this baby and a husband, no matter how many people tell me otherwise (since I’m 21 and some think It’s necessary to give up some dreams for others)!