It’s 2018. My shoulder surgery (which dominated my December) is behind me. It was the slowest of months in terms of game. I ended up taking a few weeks off to give myself time to heal up and feel strong again. I had expected a quiet, intimate end to the year… but as I prepared to head off for another adventure in Japan, 2017 managed to surprise me in the final days of an extraordinary year.

I’m on the plane now… a few hours from Tokyo. Here are my thoughts about the end of my year.

………………..

Post-surgery, I gimped through December. That was a bummer. I had wanted to get some serious approaching in, so I would be warm and ready for all the many Japanese girls that await me when this plane lands. But in the days after the doctor cut into me, I felt surprisingly psychologically weak… at least as much as I was physically winged. Feeling vulnerable, it was hard to want to go out and hunt. I felt like clinging to the safety of hibernation and recovery.

A wounded man is not at his best.

I had planned to put my focus into my work and other projects. It seemed like a good use of the down-time… but I was starting to really miss daygame.

And then there was Miss Thick. Wow. That girl. I was going to write a “2017/2018” post for this blog, and it was going to feature that girl in significant ways. About how she was such an epic force in my year and my experience with women. Another in a small clique of legendary lovers, perhaps the apex of that group of extraordinary girls. And this post IS about her… but not in the way I imagined.

She and I have never had a “talk.” When I was first trying to reel her in, she told me, twice, that we shouldn’t date anymore. And both times, I talked her through the chaos of her own mind, and walked the two of us into an amazing relationship. It was to be one of the best man-woman exchanges I have ever known, or even heard of. We were remarkable together. Generous (she was always bringing me presents), respectful (we were very good to each other), artsy (we both make a lot of art, and although she is more talented there than I am in that sense, that was part of our connection), affectionate (it took her a long time, but she melted into me as we got closer) and fantastically erotic (her, on her knees, bound in a rope harness, sucking my cock, while I made her watch herself in the mirror… like that, and more).

She and I have been multidimensional. The relationship, has been rich.

And… the best sex of my life.

And yet the sex was increasingly all about the eye contact between her and me. I could look at her forever. And she was a kind of “doggy dinner bowl” in return, excited and “awake,” every time. It would start when I would meet her the door to my apartment each night we would come together… but it was particularly intense while we’d fuck. That eye-fuck part had been building, week after week, consistently. We’d stare into each other eyes, as I pinned her arms above her head and slowly fucked her into blissful oblivion.

Amazing. I’m still in complete awe about that girl. About the moments she and I created together.

She’s never been my “girlfriend” — more like, something “better,” and creamier, than that. She might have turned into a girlfriend… maybe… but I certainly wasn’t aiming for it. I have been fucking her since March of this year. It’s been a LTR, but with no promises or discussion of our status as lovers. Not at all. It’s not that I wanted to be monogamous (I do not), but I was increasingly into her.

I was sucked into an emotional connection with Miss Thick in much the same way that I described what went on with me and the Siren. I think Siren is more “other worldly” (like a dream), and Miss Thick was closer to “heaven on earth.” She was more real. While I loved to show her tenderness, I could also be rough with Miss Thick… everything from dirtier jokes to pounding her pussy to smoking grass before bed. Compared to her, Siren was a little too delicate. And while at first, Miss Thick had less sparkle vs the Siren, in the end… Miss Thick was the queen in my kingship. I had Siren in my bed in late December as well… and with that close juxtaposition, it occurred to me that I would rather it had been another night with Miss Thick.

(I had a chance to do a lot of head-to-head “taste tests” last year. That is a good experience for a man. Helps you see what you really like… and what you really want.)

So, as the year came to a close, Miss Thick became a symbol of my success as a man of game (beyond just taking another notch). She was a gauge of where I was at in my ability to hold the “masculine pose,” even as the tonic of love and lust chipped away at my resolve, and sucked me into the vortex of something like a relationship.

I had a plan for her and me for New Year’s Eve. I would have been fine to do nothing (it’s a terrible night to party, in my view), but I wanted to have something planned, if for no other reason than to ensure she felt taken care of on that symbolic turn of the year. She has a lot of close girlfriends, and I wasn’t sure if she’d have plans with them. Almost as a placeholder (in case she was free)… I booked us a room on the coast.

It was to be a nice drive. Then sex. A tasty dinner somewhere. More sex. Private hot tub on the deck at midnight, naked in the steam as the year turned over. Then some smoke. And sleep. And pulling that girl up against my body until checkout time the next day. It was a good plan.

One night at dinner I asked about her plans for NYE… I didn’t give her any details, but I hinted at an opportunity to spend that night with me. She agreed.

But that’s not what happened. 2017… lots of surprises.

………………

As December clipped along, my recovery progressed and I was feeling much better. Out and about around town, seeing all the girls shopping and celebrating the holidays… I was very distracting.

It is true that I have a fair amount of my identity wrapped up in being a daygamer. And not being able to hunt challenged who I think I am. I don’t want to be a fucking spectator – I want to up in this game. I only had a little over a week before I got on the plane for Tokyo, but I wanted to hunt. I was better. I was ready. I wanted to get in there. I missed the girls.

I hit the streets on the 27th of December. I was feeling rusty, but I had a friend with me that was curious about the potential of street pickup. We set out together.

The first girl of the day was a cute Asian girl with a funny hat. She blushed as I approached. She loved it. I spotted her wedding ring in the first 30 seconds, so I pointed that out, and let her go. Her smile wrapped from ear to ear and her eyes lingered as I backed away from her. My buddy saw the whole thing. It was a solid demonstration of daygame, and a chance for him to see a little bit of what is possible… and how receptive girls can be to “bad men” on the sidewalk.

The next girl was a flight attendant. She wasn’t that into me, but I number closed her. I know the set looked pretty good, but I could tell it had very little juice to it. The next girl was much cuter, and also… a flight attendant. From Singapore. That set was sparkly. Ummm, I wanted her. We messaged a bit, but I couldn’t get her out. She randomly pinged me today… she’s a hot girl.

(I have taken maybe 20+ numbers from flight girls… never gotten one out on a date. They remain an unsolvable daygame mystery to me, with much allure. Someday I will “Fly the Friendly Skies,” but not yet.)

So after several weeks off from approaching (my longest time away from daygame in maybe two years), I was out hunting, it was going well, I was having a good time. It felt excellent to be back. I proved to myself, once again, that I can do this thing we love to do.

I am a hunter. It’s baked into me at this point.

I can’t remember if I gamed Thursday, but I know I was out again on Friday with YoungGuns. It was a good day, and great to see him. I took a few more leads. Vicar joined us briefly. Another good session. I went to the gym for my first workout since I went under the knife.

I love daygame.

………………..

Earlier that day, I had pinged Miss Thick. I was hoping to see her after Christmas, but I did not. My sense was she was a tiny bit distant… but as I had become increasingly attached to her, I was reading more and more into her comings and goings. I was attached, and it was making me a bit paranoid.

I want to lead the girls in my life. It’s forever on my mind and part of my foundation as a man that really came together in 2017. Constantly reminding myself: lead, lead, lead. As I was unsure of myself in that moment… I reached into my foundation, the “best practices” of my life as a man, and… I went back to leading.

So I messaged her, told her I wanted her at my place early on Dec31. And that I would keep her late on Jan01, allowing us plenty of time to get back up the coast and enjoy each other. I teased her that I might not let her go at all (and in fact, my plan was to keep her at my house that night as we got back from our little trip). She laughed. I made some lewd comments. She called me “bad.” It felt right again.

Okay, good.

But then… as I walked out of the gym that night, I had a message from her in a tone I’d never heard from her before… she said she wanted to… talk. Oh. A wave of insecurity. Doubt. It felt ominous.

I offered to talk that night. She said it would be better in person, the next day. It sure felt like a break up talk.

I was shaken, but I wanted to go back to leading. And providing the frame for her and me.

I told her I’d send her a car, that she should come over, we’d talk, and spend the night together. I felt rather certain the breakup was coming, but I was still trying to be the structure in our world. And, perhaps, to overpower her frame, nudge her back on track. Just making those moves made me feel stronger, more certain. I may not have overpowered her, but I had overcome my own timidity. I had no interest in being whiny and small and reactive. And I was none of those things… but she declined that offer as well.

I didn’t sleep well that night. I felt like I was “in trouble,” a feeling I haven’t felt much since middle school. That “busted” feeling.

Fuck…

My girl of the year… a girl of a lifetime… slipping through my fingers. It seemed likely that NYE would be cancelled. And that was some negative momentum, with the change in the calendar adding extra significance to the events. This was sucking some of the wind out of my otherwise proud and confident sails. A shot of self-doubt before I headed out for my time in Nippon.

Why wouldn’t she just wait a few days until I split for Japan? I was leaving for two months…. it would have been an easy way out, if that’s what she wanted. I didn’t know what that trip would do to our connection… we had never talked about it. I hoped I would see her when I returned… if she was still in my city.

Actually, I assumed she and I would have “a talk” on our way home from NYE. I was planning on it. All that time in the car together, it seemed an ideal time to check in on what her plans were for 2018.

She has just graduated art school. Over the course of the last year, she has mentioned going to back to China… to NYC… and also moving to LA to live with her best girlfriend. I always assumed she’d leave when she graduated. The LA plan seemed the most likely… that she would leave. I was prepared for that, and I was going to ask about her plans for herself… after our New Year’s night together.

But as I said… the night she asked for the talk, it was easy to read the writing on the wall.

Feeling like a breakup was coming, my self preservation and the sense of my options as an active daygamer kicked in. So… I started pinging my leads from daygame from that week… including a Japanese girl I had picked up that same day. I was laying on the couch that night, using some whiskey to crush me into sleep after this dark cloud from Miss Thick had eclipsed my day… and the Japanese girl responded. She was cute and affirmative about it all. We set up a date for the next day.

Cool.

In case the timing of events is a bit confusing at this point, I will clarify:

I set up a date, for 1-4 PM, for the same day my favorite daygame girl of all time was coming over to break up with me. I would date the Japanese girl at 1. Get home. Clean up. And then receive Miss Thick at 5 and see where that went.

Doing that… felt amazing.

I can’t say I’ve ever dated a new girl on the day a significant lover was to dump me… certainly not purposefully. I doubt few men have. But if you’ve got the constitution for something like that, I highly recommend it. There is something robust and powerful about giving yourself that kind of a “reminder” on a break-up day… a reminder that there are as many beginnings as there are endings. And that we daygamers have the skills to create more new beginnings than most men.

Being willing to move fwd despite the bad news… luring yet another girl through the approach-number-message-date part of the model… seeing all this as practice for Japan… felt like the man I want to be. I’ve never had a feeling quite like that… I learned something from it all. I was still “in trouble,” but I felt strong.

I met up with the Japanese girl… had her come to my neighborhood. She was no stunner, but I was quickly into her. Tea. Then some time at a park near my house. Then a walk to a second park. Then a train back downtown together. I was leading. She was having fun. I tried to kiss her. Twice. It wasn’t obligatory escalation… I liked her. We talked about her eyes and her lips (both are excellent), and in each case I wanted her in those moments, and I moved in for a kiss. She rejected both attempts, but it was fun and exciting.

She has since messaged me to say we’re too different to date beyond that first meetup. That made me laugh, as I hadn’t asked for another date… but I had made a comment via message about her lips before she sent that reply. She’s right, we are different. I bet I’m a little too much for her. That’s okay with me.

So then I was home. And I sent Miss Thick a message. I told her: “get over her” because “I want to see you.”

I knew this was not going to be a happy occasion, but I wasn’t going to play along with a mopey frame. That’s what I would have said if she and I were going to fuck that night. So I stayed in that vein. She said she was on her way. I sent another message saying the door was open… that she should just come in. I didn’t want to greet her. I wanted to make her climb the stairs up into my house, and then walk the long hallway, and into the kitchen to meet me. That’s what she did.

And she looked sad. It was a sad time. I’d never seen my lover sad before.

She said… she wants to get married and have babies. She said she knows I do not want either of those things. I don’t remember saying much to her about those topics, but she is right.

And she cried. I’d never seen her cry before.

I told her I care about her very much, which is perfectly true. And that her kids/family goals were real and that I respected them. That I wanted all that for her… and that I bet she’ll make a great mom.

And then I told her I wasn’t going to let this be a sad thing. And I smiled. I told her that she and I were world class lovers, and that I had enough experience to know it. And her eye flared open as I said that.

I told her that she and I had made magic together, and we had. I reminded her that I was leaving for Japan. I said we should keep our New Year’s plan, have another incredible night, use it as a way to say goodbye. I told her that I knew I would want to see her again when I get back… but she could have a couple of months to think about it.

And I told her, once again, how fucking sexy and amazing she is, and I said it all in an obviously hungry and semi-aggressive way. I told her I wanted her to feel my desire, even then. It wasn’t begging. It wasn’t pedestalization, not at all. It was me going for what I wanted. Being fucking clear about that. I was playful at times. And dominant, making her look me in the eyes. Forcing this frame on both of us.

I told her I would go out that night… and start fights! And get arrested! And she would wake up in the morning with a tribute of three dead dragons on her doorstep!!! And I smiled some more.

It’s true. I would slay dragons for that girl.

But it was almost a game at that point, to be so cock-sure as she tore herself away from me. And it felt fucking great. I know that’s odd — it’s a very unusual stance — but it’s true.

I was strong, and big, for all of this. I’ve never been like that for a talk like the one she gave me, in the face of that kind of loss. And I felt proud about it all.

It was a loss. A painful loss. It hurts still, even as I write this… but I handled it the way I want to handle these kinds of things. I led. I pushed her toward a place where I know she and I would have been happy again (even if only for another couple of nights). I showed some real respect for what she wants, but I was uncompromisingly me through our ending.

Increasingly… I am my own role model. I am doing my goddamn best to practice what I preach… and it is not easy.

As I put on my show, her face went back and forth… from sad to a bit of the sparkle she usually has when she looks at me. I know she had made up her mind…. but I’m sure she was surprised at the way I handled her. I was even surprised.

I told her to go home and sleep on it. To wake up, and to give me a call, to tell me she wanted that night with me, and that I’d take her on a little adventure. I smiled. I could see she was genuinely considering it at that point. My frame had had an impact on both of us… I almost won that battle… almost.

I held her head and brushed her lush, jet-black hair behind her ears. I kissed her a few times. Some long, lingering hugs. And then it was over.

I let her walk herself out, so she left the way she came… alone. This was her choice, and I had said what I wanted to say. I was happy to leave it like that.

I was the center of my world that night. She was, another train, a glorious sultry train… but like all trains… she was leaving the station. They all do, eventually. Trains come and go. I am the train station in my life. And that is the nature of trains.

I went out to dinner with a friend that night and was high on the feeling of coming through the woods with my head up. I then hit a party… but I wasn’t feeling it. I was energized, but not really in the mood to drink and dance.

And, I wanted to have a big day the next day. It was to be the last day of the year, I wanted to do it right. Maybe Miss Thick would, indeed, wake up on the Dec31… and say she was with me for one last ride together. She should have done that.

But she did not.

………………..

I woke up on the last day of the year, with the strong intention to walk through the day with my chin up and my chest out. The end of the year surprised me. It did. But I’d had a great year. I learned a lot. And I am proud of myself.

And all that time with her this year… fucking wow. Unforgettable. Every bit of it.

But it’s over, and now it was a new day. I flirted with the idea of trying to get another girl (Siren?) to come with me on that trip, but how do you explain that you’re available, and that you just happen to have a killer room by the beach with a hot tub on New Year’s Ever?? It seemed too desperate and try-hard to fish for another companion for that plan.

I got up and cleaned the house. And then went to the gym again and had a hellish, kickass workout. I had lunch. I dropped off my bag at home and… well, I went daygaming again, of course.

Daygame (combined with my dedication and years of study and serious effort) had delivered Miss Thick (and a lot of other girls) to me in the first place. And I am grateful to daygame for that. And I also know that is where my romantic future lies. So I got after it. More practice for Japan… I was getting in a lot of sets at the end of the year after all.

I wasn’t sure if my mood would allow me to “swing my dick” (as Yohami would say)… I told myself, “five approaches.” And I met up with Vicar again. And I did more than five approaches.

My first four sets were noticeable rejections and blowouts… but the fifth approach stuck. A young and crazy Chinese girl (21 years of age), and we talked about maybe meeting up later that night (didn’t happen, but she and I have chatted a lot on Facebook in the last few days). Then, I took a few more numbers.

The last set of the day was another married woman and Vicar was close to me when I approached, and by then my vibe was very solid. She hooked. She loved the approach and was very dreamy as I released her. She reached out and took my hand and held it. Vicar said my body language was great on that one.

Busted. Dissed. Dismissed. And yet… still a daygamer. Still out giving my gift and harvesting the rewards.

And that night, as I worked my new leads, one was pretty cute and responsive. I didn’t have much time left before I had to get my act together and get out of town. But I tried to tempt her with a date… and she accepted.

………………..

On Jan01, the first day of 2018… I hit the streets again. Vicar was with me. He was a great wing in those last days before this trip. I was very appreciative of his company, his support, and his good vibe. I also ran into Rauker, which was cool, as he and I were on the streets last year, on the first day of 2017.

My date and I met after my daygame session, at a tea place, and I bounced her to my favorite hotel bar. She looked fucking hot. Black, over-knee boots, tights, a cashmere sweater and little leather shorts. Very Asian style. She’s Korean, and a very cute girl.

We had two drinks and some snacks at the bar. The touching was flowing both ways. I said it was time to go, and that we could share a car home as we both live in the same direction. As we got close to my house, I suggested she come up and “meet my cats.” She did.

She is a fairly high-energy girl. None of the slow, milky sexiness that Siren can have. Or the deep heat and passion of Miss Thick. This Korean girl is bubbly. So the seduction had to overcome that giggly vibe… and that wasn’t easy.

To kiss her… I had to reach up the back of her neck, and pull her hair so her chin would come up, and then give it to her. She kissed me back, mixed with more youthful laughter.

I walked her down the hall to my room. Put her on the bed. More making out. She was pushing me away as I tried to escalate the situation, but then chatting and being very affectionate as we would roll off.

I got her clothes off. She has a fantastic body and perfect skin. To get her to “get serious,” I would pinch her nipple with increasing pressure, and watch her face, until the pain-pleasure mixture was just right and she would purr… then, I could escalate. That worked.

One of the most important reference experiences from being with her was that one way to deal with her resistance was to give her fairly serious verbal commands. I would say, “spread your legs for me,” and she would stop squirming and spread them. Hmmm, interesting. Most girls will respond to the physicality, this one, responded to the words. There was something about that that I’ve never experienced in quite that way. At that point, I assumed I was going to fuck that girl.

But it was mostly a bit of a “fight.” Lots of resistance, and I never knew how much of it was token. As I reached down to that pussy… she was sopping wet. And I got my head between her legs and licked the taste of her off her clit.

First day of the year and I had girl-cream across my face. I like that.

And with that said… she never really even made me hard. Briefly, at the hotel, but only then. She was hot and delicious, but the scene wasn’t that sexy for me. Despite the ups and downs of the week, I was horny and very ready to fuck… but it wasn’t happening. She wouldn’t touch my cock, and even talking of that would cause her to squirm even more. After I ate her pussy, I got up, walked across the room to get a condom (like I always do), but she was back to full squirm and trying to put her panties back on by the time I had my hands on her again. I’ve never had a girl do that before.

To be honest… that kind of resistance isn’t that fun. I don’t like it.

We did another round or two of that… the nipple pinching, her revving up, me moving things forward. I thought once more that I would end up fucking her, but she was working to get her panties back on… I am only willing to push a situation so far. And it was getting late… nearly three in the morning.

Another very close call. I’ve had five girls in my bed in the last three months that I didn’t fuck… three of them at least 1/2 naked, but none of them went beyond what happened in this story. “Highschool action,” and nothing more.

And then we got her dressed and she went home. She messaged me that night, telling me she was home. I messaged her again, later the next day, no reply. I’m not sure where she and I are at, but it was a fun night. Another fast-seduction date. More experience.

She’s a nice girl. And sexy… when she stops giggling. I had a good time.

………………..

A day or so later, I woke up after falling asleep on the couch and I glanced at my phone on the way to take a leak. I had a message on WeChat. I assumed it was Siren. It wasn’t. It was Miss Thick. Another surprise.

It’s a very long message. It scrolls on for several screens. It begins something like “I feel like I owe you more of an explanation…”

But I didn’t read it that night. I didn’t want to get into in the middle of all that in between moments of sleep. The next morning when I awoke… I didn’t read it either. I had a big day as I prepared to leave my city for two months to hunt Japanese lovelies. I had shit to do. I didn’t want to soak in the drama of Miss Thick. No thanks.

I’ll read what she wrote… of course I’m interested… but my plan was to wait until Japan. To arrive. Get my phone working properly. To go have dinner. And somewhere in the middle of my first Asahi… to see what she has to say.

And I am touching down at Haneda airport… right… fucking NOW!!! Boom… Tokyo.

And that is still the plan. Settle in. Grab a bite and beer. And see what that amazing girl sent me, in some many words, so late at night.

I miss her very much. I want her. But I’m glad I’m here. And I feel good.

…………………

So… that’s the battle report, gentlemen. Less time with that amazing lover than I wanted. More time on the street and with new girls. It’s not how I expected 2017 would end, but here we are.

I’m proud of my year. Of being a dedicated hunter and dragging down fresh, tasty kills. Of giving girls good experiences. Of pushing myself to find challenge, to overcome failure, to wrangle success out of the jaws of self-doubt. Of being a part of this community, our Tribe of Men. Of continuing to study game, the art of it all. Of all the in-the-flesh experiences I wrapped up. Of being inspired by the stories of my brothers. Of my commitment to sharing what I know, what I care about, here on this blog.

46 Responses to Back to Daygame, a Break Up, and a Close Call

As I write this, it occurs to me that I have still not fucked a virgin… or a teenager. I know I was talking about that throughout 2017. And it came up again, and again, and again, as I worked the streets and went on my dates.

I have dated so many virgins and teenagers. Tons. The 21 yr old crazy Chinese girl I mentioned in this story is the latest example. She is so much a virgin, that she hasn’t even kissed a boy yet. Amazing.

Here in Japan… this morning I got a ping from the Chinese Virgin I met here last year. She wants to know if I’ve arrived. We chatted a lot in the months since we’ve last seen each other, and I know that she managed to finally get fucked (she didn’t really like it), and it wasn’t me. I’m hoping to get some time with her… sexually, but even beyond that. She was my favorite girl from my last daygame trip to Japan. Quirky, weird… but an awesome, punchy girl.

And if I could add another mention to the greatest moments of game in my 2017… I would point to Miss Glasses, the virgin squirter that soaked my bed in August. She disappeared on me after the third date when she moved away for school… even blocked me on WeChat… but what an experience that was. Wow.

Lots of surprises… I may have taken a lot of leads from flight girls… but I have actually dated a LOT of virgins and teenagers, had so many in my bed… and haven’t yet taken a “flower” or claimed a “pre-20” notch.

“but I have actually dated a LOT of virgins and teenagers, had so many in my bed… and haven’t yet taken a “flower” or claimed a “pre-20” notch.”

I don’t get the fascination with virgins. Maybe because I’ve been there done that, but I think they’re boring, unless a guy really gets off on the pillow tutor thing.

Teenagers are fine, but if you’re getting with a lot of virgins and teens but not having sex with them I’d be worried that your vibe is too soft / weak / “safe.” In my experience a more sexual vibe will scare off those girls, who sound like they are basically “no girls” and time wasters (at least to me, because I want sex above all else).

>> Was saying “I want to keep seeing you” an option for you? I guess that’s what you wanted, and I wonder if you’re stating the things you want and letting them be pillars.

I did say that.

I said, “I don’t want to talk about other men with you… I’m not interested in that. And if you know this guy you’re going to marry, I’m happy to step out of the way. But if you do not… I want to see you.”

She brushed it off at the time.

………

I read the comments she sent me last night… I might send them to you, for your take. I’m not looking for next steps as much as I am the Yohami read on her psychology.

See? it’s her call not yours, transferred power to her and it’s her move

“But if you do not… I want to see you.”

Totally up to her.

Not.

“I want to keep seeing you”

And left like that is a pillar. It’s you setting what’s going to happen and what will follow is that she’ll accommodate to you – as a given. It’s not “Im happy to step out of the way if you have other plans” which is bottom guy, and it’s not “tell me what you want and Im here available if you have some room for me in your life”. But it is “this is what I want”. The more you can do “this is what I want” without putting yourself in situations where you lose, or even presenting them as options like “come to my place or do you want to leave” the better.

The better also because that direct thing is what they respond the most positively to. If she’s wavering around what she wants, when you deliver the little power lines, she finds what she wants, she finds an anchor, and the anwser is usually ‘yes’.

“She brushed it off at the time.”

She’s presenting that drama situation because she wants to force your hand into giving her what she wants.

Hah, there’s no mind jedi trick and there’s no ‘trying to get her to accept that frame’. There’s stating your intent, and not accommodating to her nor chasing.

What might look like a mind trick is that the more top-guy you behave the less resistance and obstacles you’ll find. But it’s not a trick. Top-guy is what the girls want. When you deliver, they take it.

“no, i think we are not a good fit”

That can mean many things – that’s even valid as a tease or neg prior to fucking, so it all depends.

But if you mean that she’s not really into you, then sure move on. What else?

hmm, right. you make it sound so easy. “not accommodating or chasing” — but with what tone? cold as ice, or emotionally warm? i guess this concept is so new to me, i can’t fully comprehend it. but i believe you are right — all this “top guy” stuff is GOOD.

Yep that’s the point, but it is. If you experience difficulty then you’re dealing with a power imbalance / value gap, aka she has more value and you don’t have power, so THAT is where you have to work on.

Not on the delivery of the line but where you’re standing in general.

The line itself should be easy, stating your desire should be easy, expecting to get what you want should be the default state.

“but with what tone? cold as ice, or emotionally warm?”

Neither – if you’re trying to put a specific emotional mix to guarantee a specific response from her then that’s manipulation and is coming from the bottom, aka your fear and desperation and lack of understanding that you do have indeed enough value she SHOULD want to keep seeing you.

So that’s the story and it should set the tone. Which tone? it’s situation specific so if you’re feeling dry or commanding or cold or happy, do that, as long as the story is compatible with you having the value, you having the options, you having the upper hand, you having the happy ending, and wanting to share it.

>> See? it’s her call not yours, transferred power to her and it’s her move

Special case, Yohami.

I’m with Red Quest on this point… that I AM taking up her baby-making years. If she was 21, it would be different.

I want her. I do.

But I also care about her, and don’t want her to miss out on babies/family. I actually want that for her. This is a type of abundance on my part.

In general, you are 100% correct that I need to lead, to say what IS… not ask if what she wants.

In this case, I would step out of the way… not out of lack of boldness, but in genuine care for her.

>> The more you can do “this is what I want” without putting yourself in situations where you lose, or even presenting them as options like “come to my place or do you want to leave” the better.

Agree, agree, agree.

And thank you for hamming this home. I know I still need to keep this mind… but not in this particular situation.

>> If she’s wavering around what she wants, when you deliver the little power lines, she finds what she wants, she finds an anchor, and the anwser is usually ‘yes’.

Yes. And separately… I don’t want to win this argument with her. Not if she wants kids in the near term.

I can find some more action (even if it’s not legendary action, like her and me). But she can never be this age again.

It’s cold biology.

Our man Lance Mason says he never dates girls over 26… particularly for this reason.

I have a mentor I respect that SPECIFICALLY likes women in the 26-29 year age range. He says it’s a “sweet spot” (post party, worldly, still hot) and I agree. But you do run into the “get me pregnant or get lost” issue.

He was talking about 3somes, I think, and that comment always stuck with me.

So, it turns out I’m getting into ropes. I’m not really into “bondage” as much as dominance. This is a dominance exercise for me.

And I’m surprised by all this, but I feel drawn into this scene… and I have very, very little experience. I’m a complete novice, in every way. But I can see myself developing some mastery in this area… and it being a part of my appeal as I move closer to 50. Sexually relevant, dominant, badass. That’s what I want.

And on those nights when I wanted to try to tie up Miss Thick, that comment from Lance was on my mind…

Do I look like a “beginner” in the bedroom? Would that be embarrassing? Or not attractive? Should I stick to what I know?

I thought this each time. I had many, many thoughts like this with her… and with other girls this year.

But I also thought… you have to have a “first time,” eventually. That “next” girl that sees you as experienced… she sees “experience,” ONLY because you stepped up with the girls before her. You stepped up to your own insecurity.

Some of those times… I was deliberately taking chances with Miss Thick… with the next girl in mind. Or more aptly… with my own progress in mind. If I want to be great… I have to risk the status quo.

And look what happened…

I love that girl, and she’s gone.

But… I have some minor competency with putting a box tie on a girl. I can put a non-cinching collar on her, and lead her down the hallway. Experience. In my pocket. That’s mine. I earned it.

And I did bring my rope kit to Tokyo. And tomorrow night… I’m going to try to take a lesson from a real life Japanese bondage expert. Sounds cool.

And… I very much hope to tie some girls up while I’m here. I hope that is a good experience for them. And I’m sure it will be for me. (maybe this is better for the second/third time she’s in my bed??!)

I may have been hammering thoughts out with you last year when I came to my own personal conclusions that “abundance” is something you feel temporarily, not a level you reach. I think that is true, for most men, even “90%” of players with real skill. Abundance… actual abundance comes and goes.

You could have an “abundance mindset,” which is ideal… but still have times of scarcity.

I think the difference between an “abundant man” and other men in times of scarcity, is that normal men would get hopeless or assume “it’s fate” (or that their SMV is “fixed”), whereas an “abundant” man knows he has work to do… and work will solve that problem.

But experience…. that is ours to keep.

I don’t feel abundant in this moment… I have zero active leads in TYO. But I feel “abundant” in that I know the LDM + effort + my skill will deliver.

fascinating story, incredibly told. what a storyteller. i am feeling you, my man. what a crazy adventure with miss thick, and what a crazy adventure overall that your life has become!

few men are experiencing life as fully as you are. your determination and courage, and skill, and love for asian women — i love all of it. it’s inspiring.

the miss thick story is heartbreaking. it makes me feel very sad as i write it. and it makes me wonder, what about the idea of “feeling the feeling”, of mourning, of suffering — not playing the victim or indulging in bad luck — but just the idea of being a human, and feeling the depth of your loss, in your body, for at least a day or two?

i say this because **i** am feeling very sad about you losing miss thick. maybe i just need to feel things to get over them, and you don’t?

it just seems kind of crazy to me not mourn her loss.

at the same time, IMPRESSIVE that you had another sexy girl in your bed two days later!!!

overall, fascinating fascinating stuff. great post. beautiful post.

viva nash — who is now in japan, READY TO WREAK HAVOK ON FEMALE ORIFICES!

In the same way you do… I try to tell the TRUTH (show my failures/weaknesses), in large part so other men know they are not alone when they have some kind of sexual/romantic setback, some kind of insecurity, or bottom out in one way or another. All that is real… part of the “game.”

Other men’s stories (and I am thinking of your thrashings, and moments of Krauser’s memoirs, in particular), have helped normalize the ups/downs for me.

>> maybe i just need to feel things to get over them, and you don’t?

That has occured to me… but the deal is: Girls coming/going is my reality. I believe that in my bones.

And if you could ask Sundance (my wing), he would tell you that I have been predicting this… although I am allowing some room for my own paranoia there.

It’s a loss. And I feel it. I miss her, and I will continue to miss her. Not only in a sad way… but in a celebratory, “WOW” kind of way.

But in much the same way I can date more than one woman… I can feel the loss, and feel turned on my another girl, in alternating moments.

….

The bigger “fear” here is this: I don’t know that I (we? all of us?) can really, really get into a girl, without getting soft, and that softness, depleting her attraction.

I’m fucking sick again (every, fucking, time I come here… wow), so I’m going to write on BETAIZATION in the downtime. I’ve been meaning to write about that for a long time.

^ This reminds me of Top Guy. Top Guy is “slick” and “nonreactive,” in part (perhaps), because he has increased serotonin from his higher social status… and thus, he is slick, gets good reactions, spirals up socially… and runaway success follows.

I am so into the idea of Top Guy. One of my favorite Yohami concepts.

….

And his reference to “transcendent values” is so damn powerful. When I hammer on “the man I want to be,” that is a transcendent value for me… that is my compass… and it REALLY WORKS to keep me on track, even when low.

I told her I care about her very much, which is perfectly true. And that her kids/family goals were real and that I respected them. That I wanted all that for her… and that I bet she’ll make a great mom.

How old is she again? I don’t remember. If she’s American and under age 25 or 26, I see that as (mostly) rationalization.

If she’s 25+, though, letting her go is the right way.

Leave it open, too, for her to come back for fun if or when the next guy flames.

She is 29… and from China. She’s a “Chinese” girl at heart… but an artsy, and unusual one.

>> If she’s 25+, though, letting her go is the right way.

I think you said something like this… didn’t you?… in a recent post on your blog? I spent 20 minutes reading your blog yesterday, looking for that quote. If you can source that for me, I’ll work it into the post.. I wanted to… I just couldn’t find it.

I’m not saying I will live by that rule… but I know what you’re talking about.

>>She is 29… and from China. She’s a “Chinese” girl at heart… but an artsy, and unusual one.

Then I like the idea of letting her go and not having her dangle a lot of prime reproductive years. Let her go and tell her that, if her next serious relationship doesn’t work out, she can come back for a month or two of fun and recovery. She may come back or she may not.

>>I think you said something like this… didn’t you?… in a recent post on your blog? I spent 20 minutes reading your blog yesterday, looking for that quote. If you can source that for me, I’ll work it into the post.. I wanted to… I just couldn’t find it.

>> over time women have a biological need to find guys to have kids with and subsidize them and their kids. That’s part of the reason long-term, undefined, FWBs-type relationships are so uncommon. Few chicks will allow them, at least past the age of 25. Even if they do, they will drop the FWB when they find a hot-enough provider guy.

>> (If you’re dating a chick under the age of 25 in a contemporary Western country, you can ignore the last two paragraphs, because chicks that age are all about the feelz and the hot sex.)

and I think in a couple other places. This goes against some of the “Red Pill” comments one sees. It’s true that it’s possible for guys to string along a girl through a lot of her prime fertility years. Yes, the girl should be responsible and break it off, but girls are weak (just like guys) and prone to wishful thinking (just like guys).

A guy with strong game will find another girl. Maybe a better one. So the one who wants kids the guy isn’t going to willingly provide should be released.

In my view it’s often better to be the bigger person. Let her go. If a guy gets into a position of strength, and he gets into the habit of helping people build the right lives (this is NOT being a “nice guy”), then I think good things happen. And his persona is congruent with his mental state.

Great writing, raw and without bullshit bravado. Interesting how well the Korean was able to keep herself from letting go in the moment. Especially after cumming from a good clit licking they’re usually so hot they’re literally grabbing for that dick to be inside them

I don’t know that I got her off. She was deep into pleasure, for sure, but a woman having an orgasm is a “side effect” of me doing my thing with her. That’s how I see it (and I try to think that way for a bunch of very good reasons).

I hope she has a very good time… that is my goal. No doubt. I’m not a selfish lover. That may/may not include an orgasm… I never ask (but I do ask if she liked this/that, and will emphasize that in later sessions). I do my best. I want her to feel intense pleasure. If she comes, great. If she doesn’t not… I did my best, nothing left for me to do.

But with that said… yeah. Most girls are catatonic after I go down on them. So I can take my time, get a condom, walk back… and fuck them at my leisure. The Korean girl… was not that like. I was surprised.

“fascinating story, incredibly told. what a storyteller. i am feeling you, my man. what a crazy adventure with miss thick, and what a crazy adventure overall that your life has become!

few men are experiencing life as fully as you are. your determination and courage, and skill, and love for asian women — i love all of it. it’s inspiring.” – Rivelino

I share the very same thoughts as Riv. You’re an incredible story teller man and an absolute inspiration.

“Increasingly… I am my own role model. I am doing my goddamn best to practice what I preach… and it is not easy.

As I put on my show, her face went back and forth… from sad to a bit of the sparkle she usually has when she looks at me. I know she had made up her mind…. but I’m sure she was surprised at the way I handled her. I was even surprised.

I told her to go home and sleep on it. To wake up, and to give me a call, to tell me she wanted that night with me, and that I’d take her on a little adventure. I smiled. I could see she was genuinely considering it at that point. My frame had had an impact on both of us… I almost won that battle… almost.

I let her walk herself out, so she left the way she came… alone. This was her choice, and I had said what I wanted to say. I was happy to leave it like that.”

^^ This really struck a chord with me. Many times in the past as a young man I would fight the powers that be when losing a lover. I would selfishly, stubbornly stay attached to these girls even when I didn’t want to go to the same destination.

I’m not sure the reasoning other than revealing the cracks of my own mental game. It’s a classic sagittarius trait (not at all a fan of these methodologies, but I am 99% the alleged type) where I need every single of my questions/insecurities answered about the relationship, and refused to accept any of them. Probably a result of my own immaturity.

Riv can back me up on that drama show I was back in Madrid over a simple phone call and (three bottles of) wine. Even in an abundant world, I still pedestalize certain girls when I get emotionally attached.
To be proud of how you handled losing a lover is a difficult feat indeed, and one I have had trouble achieving.

Getting older now (28 now, don’t even start) and coming into my own maturity, this post was a roadmap for how I can act going forward.

This post really spoke to me, as usual. It reminds me that I am still very much a student of the game and there’s so much to learn. Good luck in Japan!

>> I share the very same thoughts as Riv. You’re an incredible story teller man and an absolute inspiration.

Thank you so much, man. I really appreciate this.

>> I need every single of my questions/insecurities answered about the relationship, and refused to accept any of them. Probably a result of my own immaturity.

I know this feeling. I think we want “more explanation” when we don’t like what we’ve already heard. I’ve done that before.

>> Getting older now (28 now, don’t even start) and coming into my own maturity, this post was a roadmap for how I can act going forward.

Dude, it is this community that brought me here. I got into game at 35… 10 years ago. That is a lot of practice and study.

The “wash/rinse” experience of each of these girls teaches me.

And the “wash/rinse” of having my ass kicked by Yohami and other men of game (even the dudes that tore me up on the local lair when I first started trying to get into all this)… they have helped pound me into gold… or something more gold-like than I was 10 years ago.

And I mean all this Patriarch shit. I want to be a Patriarch. I may never get married, but I want to lead. I want to lead me. I want to lead the girls. And I want to help other guys… in the same way my mentors and brothers have helped me.

All of that ^ is worth the effort, the beat-downs, the humiliation, the defeats. It’s the sweat-equity of manhood.

Long live the Tribe of noble, badass, men. I want a seat at that table.

Nash, you always talk about how you see your role as the one to provide the frame and leadership to girls.

I have been, up until now, the guy who is more like “I give her freedom to do what she wants and I do what I want. If she wants to join me, it’s good. If not, I won’t even bother. I don’t tell other people what to do.”

So could you please clarify more what you mean? I know you are heavily influenced by Tyler and in a recent video he said he sees the biggest value he brings to the table to a woman is leadership. He said a single woman ends up lost and a mess like Lindsay Lohan. But with a man leading her, she ends up becoming a truly great woman.

So you guys go around telling women what to do in their day, what to focus on, what to wear and who to hang out with? Innocently asking, maybe that’s the way to do it.

Because I don’t see any woman who has “coke and party” friends around her becoming a great woman just because she hands with a cool guy for a few hours per week. The first thing she needs to do is get better friends, but I don’t see how you can lead a casual-sex girl into becoming a great woman unless you guys mean to basically tell the girl how to live her life and you taking charge of that.

So, basically, whenever the girl is around, you make 100% of the decisions, did I understand correctly?