It started as just any other ordinary Friday night. I jacked off to torrented pornography from 8 PM to 9 PM, and then went downstairs for a snack. While I was downstairs I admired my rather admirable collection of boxsets. I went back upstairs, logged onto my World of Warcraft account and was instantly greeted by l33tgnome222. The first words onscreen were:

"dude srsly i need helpz, get on teamspeak we gotta ta;lk"

l33tgnome222 was my best friend, who I called Toke-san because he was wapanese and smoked the ganja. He recently broke up with his longtime girlfriend Samantha because he was losing interest in her. Heartbroken, she immediately jumped on a train, carrying an Arch Card, declaring that she was going to find her soulmate, who she described as a man who will listen to her (she was never heard from again). Me and my friends suspected Toke-san had turned towards the dark side, but we could never be sure.

I logged on to teamspeak and Toke-san, breathing hard, gave me an address he wanted to meet me at. Slightly taken by surprise and yet oddly curious, I cautiously agreed to go. I made 9 posts and 3 threads on alol about it and logged off.

When I arrived at the address, I heard a commotion from inside the house, and thought I heard the faint squawking of several parrots. I looked at the mailbox and I saw that the Lemon family lived there. Odd, I thought, the Lemons were a father and son that had lived together for over 50 years. Why would they be having a party?

I rang the doorbell. The sound inside died down and my heart began pounding. From behind the door I heard quick, wet footsteps. Something clearly bizarre was happening inside this house. Was coming here a mistake?

The door slowly opened.

I froze.

It was the father, old Mr. Lemon, completely naked! His tiny wrinkled penis was flapping in the wind as he stood just outside the door. His face was dark red and he was sweating hard. He seemed to be soaked head to toe in what smelled like urine. I knew he was at least 70 years old, which to me was disgusting but strangely arousing.

"Come in andre. We've been expecting you," said the old Mr. Lemon

"How did you know my name?" I asked him, my voice quavering.

He gestured behind him, to a sight which I had never seen before in my life. Eight naked old men, some walking around, some lying down on the pile of cushions; urine stains all over the freshly painted walls; and to confirm my original suspicions, over a dozen parrots in their own cages. My curiosity and disgust took the shapeof an oddly innocuous question...

"Why am I here?"

Suddenly, a hand emerged from underneath the makeshift bed. Unlike the old men though, it wasn't wrinkled and plump; rather it was small and pale. The hand pulled up more of the body, and out emerged none other than Toke-san.

He took several deep breaths (he had apparently been underneath the makeshift bed for a while) and told me,

"As you can see, we have pissed all over the walls of the Lemon house. But we can't seem to get ourselves to shit on the walls, or for that matter, each other."

"Where do I come in?"

"Well, that constipation problem you had last year, you remember it?" I nodded. He went on, "Well, do you still carry around those fiber pills and laxatives?" I nodded again. I couldn't imagine life without them.

Suddenly I realized why Toke-san had called me there. He only wanted me for my laxatives!

I narrowed my eyes (which made me look slightly Asian, eliciting an "Ooh!" from Toke-san) and demanded, "If you want my stuff, you have to let me join in."

The words surprised even me, but I didn't show it. I didn't know how and why I got so horny from Toke-san, eight naked old men, parrot penises, and urine, but I was. Toke-san sighed and looked to Mr. Lemon for approval. Mr. Lemon paused for a moment, then nodded.

I dove into the urine soaked bed and started dry humping it. Realizing that I had nothing to hide for these eight naked old men, I took off all my clothes and inserted my rock hard cock into a hole in the aged mattress. While I was fucking the bed, Toke-san and an old man named Ernest went towards my clothes. Toke-san rummaged through my pockets and found the laxatives, while Ernest grabbed my boxers and started to jack off furiously with them. I was too horny to care. It had begun.

40 minutes later, I was close to orgasm, when a horrendous smell reached my nostrils. The laxatives had taken effect. The old men began shitting on the walls. In a flash of inspiration, I decided to join them. I rubbed my ass against the wall, pushing out all the shit I possibly could.

Shortly afterwards the old men released all the parrots and began to caress their small strap-on penises. They formed a bizarre chain, where one man caressed the parrot penises and another sucked off the old man. I joined in that too, and couldn't help enjoying myself.

The next six hours were a blur; a spectacular blur of shit, urine, and penises. At the end, I lay down in a pile of my own shit mixed in with that of the other old men. I was out of breath and out of energy after six and a half hours of furious fucking. I was just about ready to go to sleep when I heard a knock from a door that led to the basement.

I knew I couldn't fall asleep with the persistent knocking noises, so I went to check it out. I stood up, very wobbly, and walked over to the door. Mr. Lemon opened his eyes, faced me, and shouted, "NO!!" He lunged toward me, trying to stop me, but it was too late. I opened the basement door, and was shoved over onto my back by something much larger than me.

The parrot stood at least 7 feet high, adding into judgment the stacks of cages holding normal-sized parrots around the room that certainly made him appear larger. Its gender made obvious by the sparsely feathered, oddly shaped penis that stuck horizontally outward from the bird's center.

I wanted to shout, to shoo the massive bird but it was too intimidating, and before I knew it the air in the room began to move with incredible force as he beat his wings. Knocked onto my back I struggled to stand, and flipped onto y front side to try to crawl.

Immediately it stopped, and the beast charged at me with its organ lowered. I screamed and kicked at it with my legs, my shoes striking the horrifying schlong with a dry thud. Shrieking, the bird began to slash me with its talons until I yielded from exhaustion. At the final moment, expecting the worst from the parrots dangling member, I heard footsteps.

Toke-san appeared in the doorway with a bag of seed.

"Thank...thank goodness..." I muttered. The parrot was entranced with the seed.

"Do you remember when I asked you to be on my arena team in World of Warcraft?"

I looked up at Toke-san, his eyes steeled over unmistakably with the matte finish of

vengeance. "I promised my friend Dave already...before you asked."

But it was too late. He began to pour the seed onto my exposed buttocks.

I screamed incoherently as the giant parrot's mighty cock slammed into my anus. As much cock I had been taking in the last several hours, this was much more agonizing. As the giant parrot had its way with my newly deflowered asshole, I drifted in and out of consciousness, wondering what would have happened if I just stayed home and played World of Warcraft.

I was only half conscious when Rodney St. Cloud burst in and took on the giant parrot with his massive gay black muscles. He rolled around in the seed and expertly took the parrot penis in his butt, thereby saving my life.

I trudge home silently, with clothes that were crusted over with urine and semen. It was 8 in the morning and my little 6 year old sister was just waking up to watch her Saturday morning cartoons. I walked inside and she greeted me with a smile.