Thursday, December 6, 2007

Warning! Personal information to follow

My Dad doesn't like when I write personal things on my blog so I thought I'd throw out the warning. He also doesn't like when I post about my boobs. So, just for you Dad, this post is not about my boobs.

I can totally understand why my Dad doesn't like me to post personal things. Most of the many people who read my blog do so because it is extremely entertaining and hilarious, but there are times when I need to be serious just for me. Sometimes writing things down and putting them out there helps me work though stuff. And sometimes it helps to be able to tell many people something all at once as opposed to having to tell 75 different people the same story. Not that 75 people read my blog but, you know. Maybe 75 people do. Probably not.

Anyhoo, if personal information makes you uncomfortable stop reading now. If it doesn't, you will know by the time you finish reading this sentence that my husband and I have decided to separate. If you know me well, you will know that we haven't been doing that great. We fight all the time and neither of us is happy. We were at the point where he was going alone on our Christmas trip to Chile to decide whether or not he wanted to be with me. It turns out that I decided first and I think it's the best decision for both of us. I figure that if your husband doesn't know if he wants to be with you after being married for over a year than that's a pretty good sign that it's not working out. We're still living together(and actually getting along) until he goes to Chile next week but, once he gets back, we're going to start moving towards getting a divorce.

I figure one day maybe I can look back on this and say something like, "Hey, remember that one year when I got a divorce for Christmas? Ha ha!" I'm not quite there yet. I kind of go between feeling relieved that a decision has finally been made and scared to death that I now have to start over. I'm 32. I'm not a spring chicken anymore. The majority of my friends who are my age have been married for years and have multiple kids. I want multiple kids. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. But life isn't generally fair. And things could be worse. And things will get better. I know that.