I believe in Christ and I'm not ashamed of it. If your not ashamed of it either then copy and paste this into your profile

I am an artist xD Check out my Deviant art page Inspiration-the-Rain.

my name is Stevie-Rae.

i am in love with anime.

my mom is my world.

(i love you so much).

i believe in God. She Rocks!

i believe in love.

i am against war.

i feel free in a book.

i make magic.

i read a lot.

i write with flare.

i like dark poetry.

i cry when i miss wrenn.

i miss my sister, everyday.

i mess up, a lot.

i am a pretty unpredictable person.

anything else you'd like to know...

just ask me.

[xoxo]
I have a myspace its www.myspace.com/obsessionizmenu2. and i have yahoo messenger its ObsessionIZmeNu2 . Hit me up on my many sites and get to know me xD I love making new friends and would love to hear from you xD.
~Stevie-Rae

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Life at its Worst as the week wore on, her heart sunk deeper into a woeful sullen puddle of ice water, seeming that forever would be her unrelenting torments penance, she feigns her existance in a world of cold hearted psuedo-saviors waiting to see if that galient knight may yet be real, living through what seems to be the nighmare of her dream she holds on till morning once again. These are my struggles, my pain, my agony; a lover lost, a lover's touch once longed for gone, a friend to all blessed by his presence dead, Another great soul suffering in cancerous tides ended his journey to the heavens, a sister so selfishly abandoned her kin for she wanted not to leave her lover, sister of that sister awe struck with disbelief of such a horrid deed for now she has no one to be her confidant, friend or foe, a mother's best friend blessed with life but at what seems to be a most unlikely timing, As a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter and a friend I dream of a time when someone would be there for me as i am there for all of them, but as of this moment..I am alone..save my mother.Comments
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Today was pretty.. well, awsome. I woke up late but just in time for breakfast xD. Mommy made us halloween cinnamon buns w/ orange colored frosting and some sort of cheesy sausage glop. It was pretty good xD
Ive been distracted by Chris Brown's IMs on yahoo, so i watched a chris angel video it was insane. then my sis wanted to show me stuff after i showed her the video.
Okay back to this morning. We were all looking for pix of jackolanterns to give us some ideas of what to carve into our pumpkins. I had decided I wanted to do a pic of Kaz on one side and Jack Skellington on the other but I couldn't find a good pic of that one face Jack makes when he is scaring the little kids. So I did a pic of grilled cheese xD I also wrote "GriLLED CHeese" just like that above the pic so ppl knew what it was xD I took too long looking for pics so Imma do the other side tomarrow. I decided to create a pic mixing two of his, the drawing he made of himself as a zombie on my b-day card and that one of him under the Unauthorised parking sign wearing the top hat.
Then Gage and I went out side to start on the gianormaous spider. we used ten 48 gallon black trashbags, twist ties, paint and a significant amount of the leaves we raked yesterday. It took a while. We had started a little bit after mommy and Ian went to the store. We didn't finish untill it was about to get dark. Some of the neighbors saw us working on it and complimented our craftsmanship xD We wrote "I'll EAT your FAMBLY" in a speech bubble on its head. The neighbors and especialy mommy loved itand said it was funny.
Gagie and I went inside for a few minutes gathering the materials for the scare crow and checking all my mssngrs and my ms. Nobody mssgd me today, at all except for my sister Kayla in the other room. I had to mssg Chris first. Mommy was having a hard time with the sewwing machine. She curses the most when she is messing with that thing, even more than dealing with the stupid stuff my Step dad does.
Well, anyways we got to stuff the pants and start on the painting of the sweatshirt, while Ian hooked up a light over the spider, but it got too dark to finish outside. So I took the shirt inside and finished painting it on the dining room table. It looks pretty freakin awsome in my opinion. It has spider webs in the upper left and bottom right corners w/ black widow spiders, mini versions of the trashbag one xD It has what looks like bloody hand prints on the sleeves and one is torn with blood out liking the rip. It says "TOUCH ME" in bright green "i DARE you!" dare and the underline + the exclaimation point is in the blood color with spatter around it and on the arms too. It also says "HAPPY HALLOWEEN" real small in dark blue letters in the top right corner.
After I finished that I went down stairs to watch Kayla play guitar hero. She is pretty good even when she only started today! She kept getting scores in the 90's even on the hard songs.
We all got called to eat dinner which was this really hot chilly that Kayla and Gage wouldn't eat. Since I did owe Gage two sandwiches for a dare I asked him to do, I made them grilled cheeses xD (ha jackolantern) I dared him to go in the backyard right up to the fence between our yard and the neighbor's and yell at the boy playing basketball "I'll eat your fambly!" and i would make him a sandwich. He chickened out since the kid's dad had come out too. So i offered another sand which and he did it. I heard him all the way in the front yard XD. Since I made them dinner they had to do the dishes and I served the ice cream so they had to do those dishes too xD I had told my mom that it doesn't make sense to do the dishes twice when u could just wait till after ice cream to do them but she said "Im the mom u do it the way i tell u, i rlly don't have a reason thats just how i want it done, so do it." so they did.
The ice cream was good. Although, It was funny how Gage wasn't satisfied with vanilla ice cream so he added chocolate syrup ,not reading the label first, and he hated it cuz sugar free tasted grose. Then he complained the whole time and even added cookies to try and balance out the taste but it was no use. Tho funny i was kinda sorry for him cuz mine was good.
When I came back to my room no one was on so i started looking around and then writting in here, which is when I got distracted by Chris logging on and all that. Then Amy was sending me mssgs on ms then Dorie added me as a friend and some guy named Sean did a few minutes later. So i was talkng to him and Amy. Now they have both stopped mssging me and im extremely bored. Ha so bored that I just noticed my biceps and how sore they are from raking yesterday, and my hands too. Well then I think Im done here, tata for now.
Lovez and olivez
~Stevie

P.S. I just wanted you to know that I don't choose my music by what I feel, I just randomly open my winamp and whatever plays first is what I write down. Sometimes it just matches well xD

A day of many feelings 06:25pm 27/10/2007
mood: amused
music: I beleive by Blessed Union of Souls

Today I woke up to the sound of pplz comming inthe house from kayla driving them to the store. I stayed in the bed wanting to go back to sleep but I just kept hearing them talking about stuff they got at the store and my mom telling Gage, my lil bro, to go tell me this and that. So I answered him before he said anything. then finally I just got up and had breakfast with the family. We had omlettes and cinnamon buns.
Then I decided to go on the computer and check all my sites. I had a chat with Cory on aim, while i checked my ms mssgs. Then I was told to get dressed so we could go clean up the yard. So I go to get changed and my Dad IM's me on yahoo. I decided that would be the perfect time to coax him into keep looking for a ride to come see us. It made me feel like he really wanted to be there for me and I felt that we really don't have a close enough relationship considering he is my real father. My mom says we are alot alike but I wouldn't know. I hardly know him at all. I've always kept ppl at a distance but I kept him far away for way longer and maybe now would be a good time to let him in. I had a very emotional conversation with my mom about it while he was still there waiting on the other end of yahoomssngr. So I decided to tell my dad "I just wanted to let u kno I really love you with all my heart but i feel we are not close enough and would like to spend more time with you, whethe it be here on the computer or in person, I just wanna get to know you alot better than I do now...Altho I have to do the yard soon xD". He agreed and we are going to try harder to be more intuned in eachother's lives.
We all went outside to clean the yard after that. The whole shabang. Cleaning off the porch, raking all the leaves, and cleaning the gutters and the roof of the shed. The reason we did this was to be able to put up all the halloween decorations. It was fun cuz we all helped and it looks nice. We set up a pathway with black lights and a light up sign that says boo. Then we did foam tumb stones and a zombie hand comming out of the dirt. Tomarrow Gage and I will be stuffing some old clothes with pine straw to make a scare crow to set a pumpkin head next to. Also a giant spider with a web made from garbage bags and leaves we raked today. I can't wait!
Kayla and I had to make dinner. We made pork and rice. it was pretty good rice, kayla made btw. Since we did such a good job on the lawn we got to have shakes xD. We had to wait for Ian and moma to finish what they were doing so I went back to the computer to talk to kaz but he had to go and would be back on laterz.
I had added a friend from my Otaku page to my msn earlier this week and he was on so I talked to him awhile. We talked about anime pretty much the whole time, up untill I had to leave for shakes xD It was awsome. Then I went back and Cory started aiming me again while I was talking to Max. I was working on my Halloween costume through all this also btw. Max had said he was going to get off but some girl from his school was mssging him and then another one I said "well aren't u popular" he was like "they normally don't mssg to me unless Im dating one of their friends or them So i said "Tell them to go away cuz I got here first! Jk Jk xD" he was like i am actually and we talked for a few more minutes about that and then he logged off.
I was still talkin to Cory when Matt logged on so I was talkin to him and cory tryin to help sort things out and it helped a bit for them. Then Kaz signed back on so i decided to tell him all about our decorations, my costume and kayla and my permits. Gage kept pushing keys on my keyboard while I was trying to type and recording messages that Kaz had to listen to but it was pretty funny so I didn't get too agrivated. After that he went down stairs to watch a movie with my mom and Ian on the big screen projector. Then I remembered that horrible thing that happened today. I had decided to throw a stake at kayla and my fave Halloween bracelet, that I got last year for my birthday, flew off my arm , into the street, and busted on the concrete. Some of the hand painted glass beads shattered and I didn't find them all either :( My mommy said she would buy me a new one but it would be different cuz they r hand made. So I was pretty upset. I guess thats what I get for having small wrists and a good throwing arm xD.
Then I showed Kaz me blog page on ms. Cory and Matt both logged off aim after Matt came back from his shower. It was fun rereading all my posts. Looking back on stuff that happened. Kaz had to leave before I could finish the second one, so I just stopped reading them and decided to post a new one on my LJ. My mom pops in saying "do u ever sleep?..Like ..ever?" It was quite amusing. So now that I tought about it I do feel tired so Imma go to sleep.
Love yaz,
~Stevie

What's goin on at the moment 10:24pm 26/10/2007
mood: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
music: There will be revenge by No use for a name

I have several items under construction; including name symbols, my halloween costume, a scarf, a pair of pants, a shirt and a hat. Im not sure how that will turn out. Hopefully I won't be embarassed by my failure xD.
I found my friend Matt A. on myspace the other day. I really missed him. He is gay but he used to be bi and i liked him. I set him up with Cory. That started out well but he messed it up. It was a while back and as soon as i started talking to him he asked about Cory. He wants another chance that Im not sure he will be intitled to.
Today was the end of the first quarter. I got all my grades back from midterms and interims. Biology Honors- 96.671% in the class, my midterm is in the preveous post. Spanish 1- 93.3% in the class, 92.2% on the midterm. Speech 1- 95.6% in the class, 105% on the midterm. Civics and Economics Honors- 97.3% in the class, ranked #3, and a 95% on the midterm. I'm praying I can keep it up xD.
I was suposed to have my Dad come visit, so he could watch us next weekend while my Mom spends the weekend with her boyfriend for his birthday, but he doesn't have a car and couldn't get a ride. My mom had suggested taking us down to Belmont to him but it would be too inconvenient. So since we are old enough, she is gonna just leave us here alone with each other the whole weekend: me, Kayla and Jeremy. Which I am not excited about. I have no friends to hang out with here, except here on the internet, and I would have to make all my own food. Plus I really wanted to see my dad and little sisters, Gabryelle(8) and Alyssa(10). I still haven't been able to give them their presents from last Christmas! I've decided Im going to nag my dad all week to find a ride so he can't just wimp out on me. I am not going to let this one slide.
I had the shortest conversation ever the other day with Jeff, 31 seconds! Here it is: Jeff- Hey _Me- Hi_ Jeff- Whats up_ Me- not much just listening to music_Jeff- well, hey my sis has to call one of her friends_ Me-Ok_Jeff- call me in about a half hour_Me- Ok byez _Jeff- Cyas. I fell asleep and didn't call back untill an hour later and he wasn't home.
My sister got her permit yesterday. It expires in a month on her b-day xD, mine expires in 2 years on my b-day. She is gonna be 18, so she can get her license. You might say well that's silly, why not just wait? Well if you were her and you had to wait almost a year to get your birth certificate just to get your permit, you would take any chance to be able to drive at all. So that's what she did.
Im really glad I met all the wonderful people you keep learning about in all my posts. They make my life so much easier to bare. A few months ago I was completely out of it. I was having major mood swings and was mostly an all around neurotic bitch. My family was seriously worried I had Bipolar or something. The doctor said I most deffinately showed signs but it was mostlikely stress induced, plus my Hypoglucimia (low blood sugar) was causing some problems with mood swings aswell. After I moved out of my step dad's house and was back with my mom 24/7, they put me on Atkins to level out my sugar intake and I was fine. I am now alot calmer, definately not bitchy (unchoosingly), I smile a hell of alot more; in fact it has affected my muscles and its like I have a huge hole in my lip, I try to drink something and it ends up all over me. Also I have lost weight so I feel more confident, enabling me to make lots of new friends more easily.
There are many people I would like to thank and show my appriciation for but I don't think I have room for them all nor could I remember all their names in one sitting xD , srry its true.
Well, thats all I have to share for now. Hope you have a wonderful weekend, I'll definately let you know about mine.
~Stevie

Highlight~Driver's Permit Yesterday and today I had midterms. I was stressed out because I left my books at Big Violet and I was here so i could not study for the midterms I took today. Luckily I knew more than I thought and had first and 3rd to study. I think i did ok. I know i did really good on my Biology midterm because I got the grade back today. I got a 104% but she could only count it as 100%. It is funny how Amanda Sloan hates it when I get such good marks.
I had let Kasheem barrow my skate board and this morning I loaned him my new head phones. I had to use my old one for the day. I told Jay I hated them and she was like "yesterday you loved them". I told her the story and she was like "your just giving him everything aren't you?". I says "Yea well im not the one having to wear a polo to school because I'm modeling for Ambercrombie and Finche." I couldn't really talk I was wearin pink. I really hate that head phone. It sucked cuz they skip a lot. After school it was raining and I had to hurry to get into the car so I could go to the DMV and my Ipodcame off my pocket and the head phone was hangin in the door, Ipod located: dragging on the ground next to the car as we drove off. Luckily I noticed before we left the school and it was only slightly scuffed and wet from the rain. It really was a miracle since I'm in high school and anyone would have stolen an Ipod, if they found it on the ground, and its a shuffle so its small and could have been crunched under several cars. My mom found it in the road and it still works! So off we go to the DMV. Kayla, my sister, had already been there but had to leave before she got her permit (almost 18 btw) and has to get a retest after 24 hours has passed. I took the test and got 20 out of 21 so I got an 80%. It has 25 questions but once u get 20 out of them you pass and it shuts off. So I got mine before her xD she was upset. Oh, well. I got a perdy picture too.
Then I got to go to Ian's, of course, and talk to Kaz. He was havin some trouble sorting out girl trouble a few days ago so I had helped him with that. Today he told me the plans. He is gonna break up with the girl he is dating tomarrow and the girl he liked doesn't like him. He said he doesn't like to be tied down anyways. Well, he LIKES being tied down but not in that way. In fact he likes chains, ropes and hand cuffs xD. I also told him about Amy's and my plan for Halloween. We are gonna hang out with her friends in Apex, dressed up: her like a dead slave stripper and me as a dead prom date. We are gonna have lots of funn. Kaz got a new hat. "Its too big" he says and he got it cuz his dad was verbally abusing him and his mom felt bad. I <3 him so much! I can't help it. He is just so cute, funny, and sweet. Other things aswell I'll make a list in another post. I have to got to sleep soon. So basicaly that was my awsome day. I got all my usual hugs by the way and I can drive legally between 5 and 9 pm with my mom or dad! YAY!
Love Yaz,
~StevieComments
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