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[whatnot-the-frak?] Like a cold shower

Q: How does hearing about Keith Olbermann’s departure from MSNBC feel?

I am having emotions.

I’m not having them overtly right now. I haven’t cried, though I understand why others are so intensely upset. I feel vaguely sick to my stomach in a “whoa, nasty shock” kind of way. On a purely superficial level, I’m a little pissed at the timing, because this is my weekend with my beloved, here at Bleak House, and those don’t come up often. (See subject line.)

I suspect I’m only on an even keel about this because a) said beloved isn’t upset over my need to react and b) this is just the bad news topper on a cake of stress. When everything but this starts to go back to normal, it’ll hit me. That’s how I roll. I wait until the people around me are more or less okay and then I let myself be sad. (Except over character deaths. Then it’s more “shit, I’m the only sad one here, might as well cry now”.)

Reason c), which just occurred to me, is that I can’t do anything from my bed at midnight except send my support and gratitude to Keith. Again. Which was the second thing I tweeted after “What on earth is going on?” When something does come up, will I be in on it? If I have the spoons*, I hope so. I certainly won’t abandon the friends I’ve made through our mutual love for Countdown.

I’m here, feeling, and until I can put that feeling into words, I won’t even try. Suffice it to say, for now, that Keith Olbermann was my voice of hope when I despaired, and now it’s my turn to be a voice of hope. Like I** said to the others, “You can’t stop the signal, Mal.” If one voice goes silent, we are thousands at minimum who can pick up the broadcast right where it left off.

We won’t get him back on the air, but we can try to continue the work he did for us. Tell your truths. Be someone you can be proud of. Don’t let anyone silence you, because your voice matters.

* Worth noting: I do not use this phrase lightly. If you’re new here, know that for whatever reason, my body’s been presenting with several symptoms of chronic fatigue, and that I am as sure as I can be that it’s not just the old depression. I know how depression manifests in me. This newish stuff isn’t it.