10 o’clock List: Guessing What The Provost Does

Sometimes I will go about my day (eating cream cheese with a little bagel, wondering when to do my laundry, and organizing apps on my phone) without thinking about the Provost at all. Sometimes I will spend hours of other days theorizing what exactly the Provost does. Close your eyes, think very hard, and take your best guess. Here are mine.

“He’s the Egg Guy” He cooks them every morning and every night for the whole school. The whole house is just full of stove tops with pots and pots of eggs. He loves his job.

“He’s the Email Guy”He is the guy in charge of STUDENT-INFO, ALL-STU, RESIDENCE HALLS. You know–the greats? He moderates all those emails. He knows everything you write.

“He’s the Seal Guy” He keeps track of who steps on the seal, and who doesn’t. You know better–don’t do it.

“He’s the Deli Guy” He makes the sandwiches. You know the one.

He gives that speech at the beginning of freshman year. Oh yeah, that guy.