Friday, December 24, 2010

This installment's subject is courtesy of Kim. A great friend to have coffee with a dish the dirt of our lives.

H is for Hope. Pretty self-explanatory. You hope you'll get good grades. Hope you pass that exam. That moves into hoping you graduate on time. Hope you can find a job you love. If it's me, hope you can find any job that somehow relates to your field. Then, hoping you made the right choice for your life. Hoping things will look up and hoping you didn't waste 5 years and thousands of dollars. We are all hoping we find our way in life and ultimately, I'm hoping I find my way to true happiness.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Some people will always finish last, no matter how hard they study or work. Some people will never get the breaks they are looking for. They just keep waiting and looking for that opportunity that never passes by, or it passes over them.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

G is for Grand Ideas. The grand ideas that you have as a student- as you sit in class you think about how you will change the world with all the knowledge that you are accumulating. I thought about how I would be doing front line crisis work with women who were escaping abuse. Instead, I was just taking care of their children while other people did the work I longed for.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

F is for finals. It is that time of year again when students are writing their last papers and exams for their 3 credit classes. There are a few other letters that go along with finals; C for caffeine, L for late nights, and A for anxiety. Been there, done that, will probably do it again at some point.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Today, I learned that laughter can solve almost anything- even suicide.

Today at 5:45am, I got a phone call from a 63 year old terminal cancer patient, who is also an addict. She was intoxicated and suicidal. However, laughter, a listening ear, and a new perspective was all she needed to "not feel like cutting [her] throat anymore." It may have gone against my Suicide Intervention training, but I got us both through it, and we were both thankful for that.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

E is for the end of an era. Some people spend decades in school, they are called professional students. I was in school for just over 5 years. It was a big part of my life. When I finally graduated it felt weird to be done. It was even more weird when I didn't have to worry about saving money for next semester or choosing my courses. Now, I've almost forgot what all those things feel like.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

D is for DEBT. Everyone with a degree (and some without) has some sort of debt whether it is a loan, line of credit, credit card, etc. I was lucky enough to escape with a minimal amount of student loans when I graduated, but there is no doubt that that small amount came at a greater cost. I worked full time and went to school full time. My relationship was part time and that is something that I need to live with and regret for some time to come.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

There is something going on just beneath my skin. It feels a bit like a tingle and a lot like an itch. When I scratch, it just gets more intense. It usually starts in an arm and moves to the back of my neck. Then, it shoots to the centre of my brain and sits for awhile. It hangs on and is hard to shake loose.

The feeling has been happening about once a day since the Fall weather has reappeared. Perhaps this feeling has something to do with the memory of last year's Fall. Or maybe it has something to do with the stagnation I have been feeling in my life and surroundings. Whatever the reason is, the tingle is exciting and the itch is driving me up the walls.

The thoughts, the feelings, the itch and the tingle... they all have to do with a beautiful city. Vancouver. I spent a fraction of last Fall there. The most beautiful Fall I had ever witnessed. Mountains. Oceans. Fog. Rain. Red, yellow, and orange Maple leaves as big as my head. I spent it on ferries and trains. Eating fresh grapes and wine. Shopping the market and walking Robson. These images, these memories, and feelings will not leave me now as we head into another cold, deadly Winnipeg winter.

I'm not sure if a mere visit will satiate the tingle. The itch is greedy and wants to witness the spectacular sites everyday. My future in Winnipeg is uncertain as my contract is up in April and my lease is up in June -then what? Until then, the tingle will remain and the itch refuses to fade.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

C is for not choosing children over education. Sorry Mommies! I just had different priorities directly after high school that did not involve my legs over my head in the back of a pick up and faulty contraception.

Friday, October 1, 2010

How do you know when it is time to move on? No, no, no... no more relationship blather from me. How do you know when it is time to move on and away from a job or position that you hold?

I had been struggling with leaving my volunteer position at the women's shelter for some time. I felt that I had gained as much knowledge from my position as I could. I loved the staff and I loved the kids who I spent time with there. However, after nearly 6 months of volunteering, it became obvious that there was no more room to learn or advance- especially after the director told me that even though I was an ideal candidate for their current job posting, I would not get the job because I did not have a vehicle. Therefore, I made the decision that I had gotten everything out of the position that I could and told them it was time for me to move on. They understood, wished me well, and agreed to be a new reference for me.

I am now faced with a much harder decision. How do I move on from a job that is not teaching me new skills and there is no room for me to move up? It is a much more difficult decision since this position helps to pay my bills. I am not challenged at this job and any decisions I make are second-guessed. I want to find a new workplace where I can learn and grow. But, I'm scared that I won't be able to find one and I will be broke trying to find one.

I would be happy with a part time position to compliment my weekend job. Then I could quit the other 2 jobs I still hold. I'm looking, but the market is tight, especially for people just out of school.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ok! Back to regular posting! I miss my little blog and the few commenters that I have.

It was my 26th birthday a couple of weeks ago.

I am not a fan of birthdays. Ever since I turned 20 my birthdays have been, let's just say, disappointing. I usually tell the couple of people I really like what I'm planning on doing and they go along for the ride. In the past I have gone to bars, baseball games, on boat rides, dinners, etc.

This year I decided to ignore my birthday for the most part. Day of the big 2-6, I slept most of the day. Got a few gifts from my close friends and went shopping. I received no phone calls. I received 2 Facebook messages- one from my brother that simply said "happy birthday"(which is an odd situation in itself) and one from my father. I called my mother as she had surgery the day before. My birthday was like any other day. No cake. No candles. No celebration.

I decided that I wanted to have some fun, so the following Friday I planned a small fiesta. Dinner, drinks, and cake. Out of the 29 people I invited out for drinks on a Friday night... 3 showed up. Four including me! I can't say I'm surprised. I knew it would be along those lines.

What ever happened to the time when everyone went to everyone's birthday parties. If you weren't invited, you got upset. The birthday boy/girl could even threaten to dis-invite you and you were actually concerned that they would do it! People couldn't wait to buy you gifts and they couldn't wait to play with you on your special day. Now, no one wants to play with you on your special day. They are all out of town or working or too tired. However, they expect you to come to their parties.

I've decided I am not going to anyone's bullshit parties anymore. Why do I show up to parties and birthdays and fundraising functions and no one comes to mine? I'm done being social. I am declaring myself akin to the bitter ol' hermit whose yard kids run past on the way home from school. Screw you guys and your Facebook events, I will forever be "not attending".

All kidding aside though, as you get older there is no doubt that you lose friends and it only gets harder to make new ones. When events like this occur and your eyes are opened as to who is really there for you it can be sad, but it is also nice to see who is beside you when your eyes do finally open. I had a wonderful surprise that night when someone I did not expect showed up and it was wonderful to chat with him after so long.

In my own humble opinion- birthday parties should be outlawed after the age of 18.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

On July 31st, I moved out of the apartment I shared with my long time fiance. It was very unexpected and difficult for me. I moved in with an amazing friend who let me sleep in her living room while I figured out what exactly I was going to do about find a place to live. I slept on an air mattress for a month and lived out of Rubbermaid containers.

I went to go see many apartments- some nice, some horrible, some with bed bug problems, others without. I looked at places far from my old home with my Mister. I looked at another across the street from him.

I finally decided on a bachelor apartment with a lot of storage just down the street from 2 of my jobs. It includes hydro. It's a short bus ride or a 40 minute walk to my old apartment. I'm starting to think about things that I need. I need a bed! I need a table. I need so many things that it is a little scary to think about when I move in I will have next to nothing. But that's ok. I plan to make my new apartment colorful. Very colorful. I want it to echo a happy life. If the apartment is cheery, maybe I can be too.

Speaking of new things... I did not mention... I got a new job. It is only a part time term position but it is a great opportunity for me. I am working as a residential care worker in a 28 day rehab facility for women. It is a crown corporation, so I am basically with the government right now. It also mean that it is the most I have ever made hourly :) I have already worked 3 training shifts and people think that I am excelling- I've admitted people, discharged people, ran a group, written logs, dispensed meds, and more. The women are all cookoo crazy, but I can get along with them. My next shift is an overnight from 11pm til 7am. Wish me luck on that one. I've done it before at a shelter I worked at and I was okay. Although, this place is a lot more quiet than the homeless shelter.

While writing this blog I kept thinking that it seems like I am moving on. I'm not moving on so much as shifting. Shifting spaces, shifting paradigms. When one door closes... another opens... I'm keeping things from my old life, but I am also letting things go. I hope those things I want to keep in my life want the same thing. Those things should contemplate a pardigm shift of their own.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Chester is constantly trying to impress Spike, trying to get Spike to play with him, trying so hard to get any sort of attention or positive reinforcement from his hero. He thinks of things that Spike may like to do and offers them. He would even go as far as fetching Spike a bone or beating up a cat. All this work for a little bit of quality time spent with someone he likes.

I feel like everyday I have to fight for attention from those around me, whether it be from employers, potential employers, family or friends, even the goddamn cat won't hang out with me. In my head I'm always saying "Look at Me!" and no one even bats an eye. In all my Chester-esque glory I try harder. "Look what I CAN DO!" Backflips! Juggle oranges! I'm seeing the crowd yawn now... I start to wonder "what's wrong with me?" I slip into that mind set and think "why not me?" or "when will it happen to me?" or even "when will that damn cat learn to hug me?"

However, in the end, little man Chester gets his just desserts. If you remember this cartoon- Chester ends up beating up the cat when Spike is unable to. Chester becomes Spike's hero and the tables turn. Spike begs for Chester's attention. The roles in my life have yet to switch. I have no one begging for my attention as I give it freely in hopes of getting some in return. Maybe I think that by putting myself out there, the chance of a good return is better? A single person cannot give constantly and not receive. This post may make me sound needy, but people are social beings. We need interaction and positive vibes to make us feel part of something. Right now, I don't feel like I am a part of anything. I feel isolated. I feel like coaxing the cat into a conversation with me because he is the most likely one to talk to me as of late.

When attention is lacking in life's relationships how do you know it is time to move on?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I have a potential job offer on the table from the job that I interviewed for on July 2nd. They called me this morning and told me they had been trying to get a hold of my references since July 6th. That is 3 whole weeks! I could have had this job 3 weeks ago but my references seem to be avoiding her phone calls.

One reference, a previous boss, I am going to take off my resume completely. Her title looks good, but she is just not accessible.

Another reference, a coworker/supervisor has been able to get in touch with my potential employer and was actively trying. Thank you!

The last one seems to be avoiding all contact. I wonder why...

Have you ever had problems with references? Who are the best people to use?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

When you are in your twenties it seems like life is always changing- you are moving, traveling, every school year is different, you get new jobs, new friends, new boy/girlfriends, etc. Your paradigm is never really a paradigm- life is never the same, so how do you know when it is shifting?

The last paradigm shift that I felt in my life was leaving my mother's home- that was 7 years ago. I went from feeling like a child to feeling like an adult. I went from being *somewhat* cared for to caring for myself. That was a wonderful change for me, it made me independent and encouraged me to budget my money.

I woke up today and felt another finite shift in my life. I am moving, yet again. This will be move 7.0, but it is a very different move. I am moving to an apartment where it will be just me. Only me. Alone. That's it.

My life is going from being a duo to being a solo act, in a sense, without a break up or parting of ways. I have been feeling for a long time that I need a heightened amount of independence. I want to know that I can do it on my own. I want to show other people that I can do it. I don't want to have to depend on anyone- not that I really had been.

Paradigms, they are funny little bastards. They can make your life good, bad, or just plain different. How has your paradigm shifted lately?

Friday, July 16, 2010

Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in life's day-to-day. You have bills to pay, groceries to buy, a home to keep up with, and relationships to juggle. It's also easy to get caught up in how those daily life struggles make you feel- maybe you are overwhelmed or worrisome. Confused or concerned about how things are going or how they will turn out in the future. Understandably so, life can be a downer when you let all these things get to you.

I complain a lot about not having a full time job. I complain that I have very little money. Those are the things that bother me the most right now, but... when I think about it- those shouldn't be the most important things in my life. They shouldn't make me feel so bad. I shouldn't let those things interfere with how I want to live my life. It's true what they say, life is short.

Lately, I have been thinking about what is really important to me. I have enough money to sustain myself. I can put a roof over my head and food in my belly. I can get myself around town easily enough with my resources. I have spare time to cook and clean and enjoy the summer. If I wanted to, I could up and leave this city to start anew. I'm not tied down by a 9-5 and I kind of like that.

If money and jobs are less important to me then what is important? I've been thinking about this a lot and the most important thing in life to me is love. I know, it seems so corny and something that you would never expect from a pessimist like me but... being loved and giving love- that's all I want on this whole Earth. I want to feel loved and give my love to someone who will accept it fully. There can't be anything better than that feeling. A job can't give you that. Money can't buy it. Love doesn't care if you've been to University or College. If you have found love, don't let go of it.

Friday, July 2, 2010

I had an interview this morning with a Crown corporation that deals with people who have addictions.

The interview was intensely structured. They gave me paper and a pen to write the questions down if I needed to remember parts of them. They provided me with water and a job description. They also told me that they had read my resume, but to talk about myself like they knew nothing about me- that was the strangest part. They scrawled my answers hastily on their question sheets. I had no positive response, no follow up questions, just robotic faces staring back at me. I don't even know if they liked the answers, thought I was funny, or knew I was an idiot when I walked in.

What threw me off the most was there was no "tell us about yourself" question to put me at ease. They dove right into "Tell us about a time when you dealt with a suicidal client". Holy Crow! The interview has already started? Wait a second, I have barely sat down! It's 9:30am and you're making me talk about all the dealings I've had with suicide in the past 5 years. Oh geez. Where is the door? The next 45 minutes had me talking about safety, crisis, past situations, addictions, more suicide, physical and verbal threats/abuse among other fun things!

The Robo-Interviewers seemed nice when I asked questions and talked casually at the end though. I told them that it was my anniversary today and they laughed that I was spending it with them. So, not total robots.

All in all, I did the best I could answering the questions. I don't think I did great. I don't necessarily think that I will get this job, but it is always nice to get an interview to boost your drowning spirit that has gone months without a phone call from a job.

They want to contact all my previous and current employers as well as friends that I specify. I will also have a criminal check and child abuse check done. All this "at the time of job offer".

P.S. What do you think of crop pants for an interview? Oh yes, I did. I thought I looked nice & business casual.

Monday, June 28, 2010

I painted a birthday banner for my little buddy at the women's shelter I volunteer at. I painted "Happy Birthday From Toy Story" on it and drew pictures of Mr.Potatohead, Rex, and Hamm. I already drew him a poster of Buzz Lightyear a few weeks ago. He loves Toy Story!

This little guy is very special. He is very sweet and imaginative. He has cerebral palsy and uses either a wheelchair or 2 canes to get around. He is very patient and smart. He is also autistic.

I think he will really like it. I hope he thinks that the toys actually made it for him, that would be so amazing and cute!

The Personality Revelation was an interesting project. Two days into being positive and a less worried individual I got a phone call for a job interview. It seemed to be working! I also got more responsibility at my volunteering position. I cheered up someone who was having a bad day and I attempted to change another person's outlook on a situation (it didn't work, but I would usually just stew in the negativity with them). I still spent way too much time on the internet though.

However, I did not keep my word that it would be for a week. An event set me off on Sunday and I blew up. It put me into a funk for the next 7 days and when I looked for help to pull me out of the terribleness that I had fallen into, there was no one willing to take my hand. That pushed me further down into the terrible funk. Other things began to bother me and I became extremely sad about all things surrounding my life. I tried little things here and there to pick me up, but no response. Finally, it is Monday morning and I can not stand to be the shell of a person who hardly speaks and sleeps most of the day away. It is Monday morning and I am trying, no- I will put last week and the realizations that came out of my and other people's actions behind me. This week is the week of making yourself happy. And, not just yourself- others around you too.

Interview on Friday. My 6 year anniversary is also on Friday. Canada Day. Work BBQ tonight.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Sorry for the lack of updates over the past week. I know I need to update how the Personality Revelation went. However, as I mentioned, my laptop has decided to meet its' maker and I am currently using a 40" tv as a monitor and typing from a fold up lawn chair- ahhh, yes. The life of an underemployed undergraduate. Did I mention I live in a humid basement suite and am drinking in the middle of the day? Adds to the visualization doesn't it?

Anyways, I found this interesting 'thing' on the internet through another blog. It is an interactive graph about class.

Here is my graph (Click to Enlarge):

There has to be something wrong here. Why am I in the 90th percentile of education and then in the lower halves of occupation, income and wealth? Why is it that when we specialize in something we seem to get paid less? Why do people with more education than some make significantly less money?

Try out this chart for yourself. Let me know if you see any patterns or correlations. Or, let me know if it also made you start drinking in the afternoon. :/ or :)

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Tuesday and the continuation of the Personality Revelation was difficult for me. My mother visited. Enough said? Yes, if you know me well, enough said. If not, then it may be hard to understand.

She makes me very negative. She loves to use guilt against me and can be very self-centered. So, being positive and upbeat was very difficult for Tuesday. However, even through the new apartment mockery, 'no one cares about me' guilting, and the 'I need an operation' conversation drummer. I was able to stay is a generally okay mood for the rest of the day.

Wednesday was sort of normal, I worked and it was boring. Not much to say here. I took the bus home- 3 buses and an hour and a half, not to mention a 20 minute walk without any offers from someone to pick you up (not true- the offer came when I was 10 minutes away from home waiting for my last bus and he was playing MarioKart). Still I did not complain- even though it was 29 degrees Celsius outside and I had to prepare dinner when I got home even though he had already been home for 2 hours. Nope, I was still in a good mood- even when my Motherboard decided to split and I could not move my laptop without it turning off. Still okay. But, you can see how something like all this would make me crack right?

Then, more walking and drinks at Bar Italia, then more walking back home. I walk a lot in the day. More than you can imagine.

Today, I am trying to figure out how I can be in 2 places at once. I'm half way there. Just have to figure out how to get somewhere in 1 hour that takes an hour and a half usually.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I was chatting with someone very special to me and they told me that they did not like the person that they were. I of course thought this was crazy because I think they are truly amazing and that is why I love them. However, I completely understood what he was saying. There are certain aspects of myself which I can't stand. But, I never change. I never even try to change.

Things I Don't Like About Me:------------------------------I worry too much-I'm too negative-I interrupt people ALL the time-I'm not spontaneous enough-I spend too much time on the Internet-I always feel like it's me against the world

So, I have made a conscious decision to be the person I want to be for the next week. I promptly made a list of traits I want to embody.

Things I Would Like to Be:---------------------------more positive-feel more free and less tied down-need less money-hopeful-see the bright side of things-be more spontaneous-worry less-use the internet less-more creative

For the next week, I am going to try my hardest to be these things. One day is already behind me and it went quite well...

Monday:-------I got up at 8am to see my Honey off to work. He has been feeling down lately, so I left him a a sweet little note on his dashboard with a coupon for a free hamburger from one of his favorite restaurants. I used the internet to check my emails and such- but did not spend as much time as usual on it. Then, I cleaned up the apartment a bit, did dishes, put dinner in the crockpot to cook, and made play dough for my child minding session at the women's shelter. All this before 10am. Took the bus to the women's shelter- bus was late, missed my transfer, got on the wrong bus, ran to catch a late bus, all this and made it to play group on time!!! That is enough to put me in a foul mood, but I managed to see the bright side that I was still on time and that I learned to not take the bus that says Island Lakes on it. On my way home, I stopped for a $15 haircut at a new salon. At first I worried as she began to cut and thought, I shouldn't have done this... but then I reminded myself that it is only hair and it will grow out in a week or 2. The cut turned out okay and I caught the bus home. Had dinner with Honey and went to play basketball/catch with him at the park nearby. This put him in a great mood and I was happy. We then put together some furniture from the move and arranged the living room. I also took him out for ice cream. I was happy to see Honey feeling good. Night ended well and we watched a new, weird show I was told about- Breaking Bad.

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I will keep you posted on my personality revelation, or you could join me. Make your own list and try this experiment for a day, week, month! Post your list somewhere that you will see it often like the bathroom mirror or the fridge.

Friday, June 11, 2010

As of today, I have applied to 28 jobs in 3 months. Still nothing. It is getting very discouraging.

I also can't decide what to do about going back to school. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but now something else has come up and I'm not sure. I originally thought that I wanted to go into social work. But, I just discovered occupational therapy. Which would probably be more work, but seems really interesting.

Monday, June 7, 2010

On May 31st, my darling and I changed our living locale for the 4th time together. Yes, I moved. I have lived in 6 different places in the last 10 years. It seems like a lot, but it doesn't feel like a lot.

I can't stand moving. It is a lot of work. Packing, cleaning, hauling, driving, hauling again, unpacking, organizing. Bleh! Too much! However, I love what moving symbolizes. To me, moving is about going forward. It is about change and the thought that it could bring new things and perhaps new opportunities with it.

Moving is also a time to shed. Shed things that you do not need. Shed things that are weighing you down. Why do I need so many plate sets? I will never watch these DVDs again, why do I still have them? I wish my mother would stop buying me knick knacks... Hotel shampoos are terrible- why do we always take them? Etc. In this move, we shed a lot of 'weight', still hoping to shed more.

Some interesting things I found in the move: -a broken Brita water filter-a string of patio lights-excessive amount of University paper work-so many great mix cds from approximately Grade 11 and up-photocopied pages of an old Mennonite cookbook

We are living in a peaceful neighborhood, surrounded by trees and what appears to be a horde of rabbits. We can play basketball across the street and barbecue down the street in the park. It is a welcome change from the concrete jungle ghetto we had been in for so long. Living in a place like that really hardens you. It makes you very insensitive. But, it also toughens you up- I'm not afraid of downtown like so many others. I can walk freely without fear. For that, I am thankful.

Perhaps the change of scenery will encourage a change of persona and we will both become more lively and active. I am certainly excited for everything this life change has to offer me.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Friday, May 21, 2010

I haven't written a real post in awhile. I have been feeling especially useless these days. I could be the +30 degree weather we have been experiencing in the middle of May, or it could be that I really have nothing significant to do. I have been experiencing a total lack of motivation these days. I get up, ride the god awful Winnipeg Transit System, go to work sometimes, come home, once in awhile I will go to the gym. My life has become very boring as of late. All the things I enjoy doing are absent- no gardening this year, no more school, no real job prospects that interest me. My current volunteer position is somewhat less inspiring than I hoped.

I feel... stuck. Stationary, without movement. Where am I going? I don't know. Where do I want to go? Anywhere. What am I doing? Not a whole lot. What do I want to do? No clue. It seems like all those closest to me are moving ahead at this rapid pace- boyfriend has a great job that he is sure to excel at, they love him there, and he just purchased a new car :). My closest friend has secured an amazing full time permanent job with a crown corporation and is looking to buy a condo :). My other great friend is having an amazing summer in the Canadian Shield while working and kayaking :). I'm happy for all of them, and I understand that I am at least 5 years younger than them all, but when is my big break coming around? When will I find that thing I am good at?

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I can't blame anyone else for where I am in life (I could if I really tried, haha). I just have to pay my dues and crawl slowly to the top, or at least the middle- I would be happy with that.

I know what I don't want to do, that is a start. I don't want to work at McDonald's (Starbucks, I could handle). I don't want to work in a homeless shelter (been there, done that). I refuse to work with adolescents (NEVER AGAIN!). Little kids I can tolerate- even enjoy at times. I love doing research- my own or for other people. I like counseling work, but need more experience to get a job (next volunteer project).

When did every person in the twenty-something range become so dependent? Most 20-somethings I know still live at home and their parents are paying for school.

I've been doing my own laundry since I was 12. I got a job when I was 15. I had 2 jobs when I was 16. I've been doing my own grocery shopping since I was 16. Bought a car when I was 17. I moved out of my mother's house when I was 19 years old. Put myself through university from the ages of 19 to 24 by working numerous jobs at a time. I took off to BC at one point and made a load of money. Passed through Edmonton and spent a lot of money. Worked in hotels making beds, serving in restaurants, monitoring in child access centers, truck stops in the mountains, race tracks, as a feminist research assistant, homeless shelters, and as a youth worker for kids with FASD. I was a farm hand for most of my life too.

My life was never easy. I came from a dirt dirt dirt poor family. A family I hardly speak to anymore. I lived on a farm in rural Manitoba. We grew our own food and animals. I grew up working hard- throwing bales and hauling water. I've never been handed anything. I've had to climb the mountains alone while burdened by a heavy pack. It's been hard, but I feel it has also built a strong character in me. I want for very little. But, I dream big and know I need to work harder if I am to get where I want to be.

At the age of 25, I realize that I have been fully independent (emotionally & financially) for the past 10 or so years. It is a great feeling to be your own person and provide for yourself. I don't have to trust anyone else to put food on my plate or a roof over my head.

Maybe if I was more dependent on others I would have more money in savings or be in the position to buy a house/condo. But would I have a feeling of accomplishment? I feel proud that I was able to do everything I achieved in my life thus far on my own. I received help from no one, nor did I ask for help. I feel I can make it through this jungle of life armed with my own tools. I need not borrow any of yours!

I suppose what I have done is not common anymore. People are living at home longer and there is nothing wrong with it if the family feels comfortable with the decision. More power to you I suppose. But, it is not for me. It never was for me. I am a bit bitter, I admit it. I've had to work for everything while others just receive and breeze through this life. I can't say whether it is fair or not, but it is life.

This topic has been really getting to me lately. This is a little bit of a rant. Don't feel bad about yourself if you are 20-something and live at home. Like I said, more power to you. It's just not for me. :)

Saturday, April 17, 2010

How many people have been with the same company or business for years? I have. I have been at one job off/on (but mostly on) for nearly 10 years. The other job I have been at for coming up on 2 years.

The 10 year job- that's just a job. There is no value in it. It is not a career. It just gives me a steady stream of money. If there is no value, why am I still there? Well, it is easy. It is flexible. There are tips. I have great friends there. It lets me come and go as I please. I know it will always be there for me if I need it.

The other job, the 2 year job, is more of a career type job. I am in love with the work. It is a constant learning experience and one day is never the same as the last. I would never think of skipping a shift or doing a lackluster job. I enjoy doing extra work and would gladly take on more responsibility.

I would call the above company loyalty. Do you agree?

Now... let's turn the tables. How do companies or businesses show their loyalty to their employees? Do they:(1) give you a $0.25 raise only after you have worked 1200 hours(2) pass you over for a position you are next in line for(3) not post critical and important jobs that you would be interested in applying for(4) minimize the work you do(5) take credit for the work you do(6) tell you one thing and then do another(7) completely ignore your seniority(8) allow you to train ever person who walks through the door, but not give you the authority to approve the trainee's final work(9) give a job to someone who is under-qualified when you just recently asked for more responsibility(10) offer to provide you with career guidance and then totally ignore you

Do these things sound like something that a respectful company would do to it's employees? Sadly, the answer is no. Then why do I as an employee try my very best to do my job when the guys who are one step above me do the lackluster and sometimes a downright nasty job. It is no wonder workplace theft is high and morale is low in so many companies (not that I steal from my workplace- there is nothing to steal, haha).

Another question, why do we stay? Why stay at a job that treats you like a rug?

What would you do if you worked a job you loved, but did not agree with the bigwig decisions?

Monday, April 12, 2010

I applied for my ideal entry level position as a Family Support Worker at a local secondary stage housing complex for women and their children who are escaping violence.

I got a call. I was excited. She told me the hours, the pay, the days. It was all perfect! She even told me I was a very good candidate for the job. We scheduled the interview for Friday.

Then, she tells me that I need to have a car for various errands like picking up donations. Drat! I do not have a car. The job posting did not say you must have a car either. When I asked her about that she said that I must have been forwarded the earlier posting. So, needless to say I was very disappointed. However, I still have an interview but for an unpaid position. I suppose that is good as I will at least be getting some needed experience in the field and I did want another volunteer position anyway. Maybe if I impress then at the interview they will hire me anyway.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

We plan on moving to Vancouver in 2 years time. So, make that Summer 2012. I will be turning 28 years old. The BSW course that I want to take is 2 years long if you go full time and 3 years if you go part time. I'm thinking that I would have to go part time because living in Vancouver or the GVRD is expensive. So, 28years + 3years = 31 years old. I still have to take prerequisites though. So, I would probably have my second degree and starting my career by the time I am 32. Is that too old?

Also, if I decide to take my second degree at the University of British Columbia(UBC) in Vancouver, then I won't need to take a math course as it is not a requirement of the faculty.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Turns out that if I want to take the degree I should have taken in the first place, I have to take a University math course! Yuck! I'm not that great at math, especially all that fancy math like linear algebra, limits, and chi squares. That's why I have an arts degree.

I guess I will have to be good at math for at least 6 credit hours at some point.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

8:00am- Wake up & see Dallas off to work8:30am- Have breakfast and watch an episode of House, MD9:45am- Apply for a job via email10:00am- Go to gym & workout for just over an hour11:15am- Walk home11:30am- Start first of 3 loads of laundry -Make lunch for Dallas12:00pm- Dallas is home for lunch1:00pm- Dallas leaves for work, again -more laundry & hang up clothes1:30pm- Make my first batch of Almond Milk2:00pm- Facial & do the dishes3:30pm- Shower4:00pm- Make hummus & more job search5:00pm- Eat dinner & watch an episode of sex and the city

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Get healthy, lose weight, take better care of your skin, buy an rrsp, find love, get a better job, quit smoking, do better in school, etc... Resolutions for the new year- does anyone ever stick to them?

My New Year's Resolution took a different spin this year. I resolved to make myself happy. Whatever that means, I haven't quite figured it out yet. I made this resolution because it is not something that is a passing fad. Happiness directly affects you and everyone around you. If I don't stick to this resolution I am telling myself that being happy in my life is not that important and that I am ok with living a dead end life that makes me miserable. I am NOT ok with that.

What makes me happy? There are a few things that make me truly happy. 1) Going for long walks. 2) Snuggling up in the couch with my sweetie. 3) Eating vegetables fresh out of my own garden. If I can squeeze more of these into my everyday life will I be closer to happiness? Maybe a little. But, I also need to factor in other aspects of my life that are not necessarily perfect- work, family, partner, home, etc. I need to get to the point where I can change the things in my life that are not quite right or be willing to accept them in all their flawed glory.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Today was my last day at the youth resource center I had been working at for the past 2 months. I was working as a youth support worker for youth who are in Child Welfare and foster care system.

A few weeks into the job I was unsure of it. I wasn't sure if I was cut out for the work and I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do. But, I thought I would try to stick it out for awhile to get some new and varied experience. Bad days got worse and coming home from work hating my life was not worth it. Plus, the pay wasn't that great.

I realized today that I jumped into this job too quickly. I wanted a full time job. I wanted a steady pay cheque. I applied and I didn't ask myself if I thought that I would enjoy doing youth support work. I think that was the missing link that never really came into the job search picture before. Now, I know that no job is worth being completely unhappy and crying about how shitty your day was everyday. It is better (for me) to find a position that is less hours, less money, but that I enjoy most of the time.

I was not too sad to leave this job except I worked with some of the nicest people I have ever encountered on a job. I only worked there for 2 months and they got me a good luck card and a cake. I honestly did not expect anything but some handshakes and some good luck's. Instead, I got hugs and cheesecake. I hope I can stay in touch with some of these amazing people that really helped me through those terrible days, the coworkers that bought me Slurpees to cheer me up, and the people who played friendly pranks on me at lunch time. At least one good thing came out of my experience at this job- two if you count the realization that I no longer need to read the youth support worker job ads.

To all the support workers at the unnamed resource center...

Thank you. Good luck. You are great at your job and deserve much more credit than anyone will ever give you!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

My name is Jovan. I am 25 years old and this is my blog- Life After Convocation.

I live in an excruciatingly small and dirty city in Canada. I am also a recent University graduate. Since graduation, I have been having quite the ordeal in actually getting to the point where I always hoped I would be once I got that diploma. I know of many people like me who have struggled and are still struggling to make it in the non-academic world after school.

Here's a quick history lesson:

I graduated in October 2009 from a local University with a 4-year Sociology degree. I minored in Conflict Resolution Studies. In hindsight, I feel I should have pursued a different degree- something a bit more useful and less broad. Even though I have a 4 year degree, I was in school for about 5 and a half years. I enjoyed school, especially in my last 2 years. I was good at it. I liked learning and researching. I loved lectures and wacky professors. I liked writing papers and getting A's. I was good at it.

When I graduated, I was disillusioned. I thought that this piece of paper would make it easier for me. I thought I would be able to get a job I enjoyed. I thought I could do whatever I wanted. I thought I would make some decent money or at least more than what I was making at the time. Little did I know and quickly did I find out- that piece of paper is pretty but somewhat useless.

This blog is all about the trials and tribulations that I have encountered after graduation. Some posts may be about things that happened in the past. Some posts may be focused on the present. Other posts may be just plain ol' bitching and complaining. I hope that you can relate to this blog or at least find the humor in it all.