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Election Day Causes Many U.S. Citizens to Consider ‘The Cave’

In the United States of America today, people have one thing on their mind: The Cave.

That’s right. According to the Study of Bizarre Election Day Phenomenon by the University of Wicked Smart Students and Pompous Professors (WSSPP), citizens are thinking seriously of ditching the suburbs and heading for the hills. Literally. Some have even started preparations for a quick exit to The Cave in early 2016 after the primary election for president.

“It’s a viable option,” says Carol Fixit of Florida. “The Cave is actually very nice. There are tile mosaics and natural hot springs.”

The Cave is an underground community designed by architect, Neo Opportune, who said in an interview last month that “The Cave is a fully-developed area with all the amenities”. It is currently under construction after a grant from the FFCC (Frantic Foundation of Concerned Citizens) funded the final extension of the sewer system lines.

When the DICs (Desperate Indecisive Citizens) questioned Opportune about the rumors that developers didn’t have the proper building permits, Opportune responded, “After the election, it won’t matter.”

It is uncertain whether any legal action will be taken against anyone involved in the building of The Cave. However, as of today, housing has been increased to accommodate 15,000 residents.

“There is no ‘lesser of two evils’ this time around,” says Nick Bottom of New Hampshire. “Not when the candidates don’t know the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite,” he shook his head. “It’s just not right.”

The confusion Nick refers to occurred during a televised presidential debate last Tuesday. When a candidate was asked what he planned to do to about the national debt, he pointed to the wintry scene through the window, making a comparison to the stalagmites in The Cave. He said they were too dangerous to allow families to consider a move there. Another candidate chuckled and called him on his mistake saying that he was pointing to stalactites, not stalagmites. Yet another candidate chimed in with the observation that they were, indeed, neither of these things and were mere icicles. Someone in the audience shouted that all this Cave talk was just a red herring and the moderator continued the debate by asking the candidates their stance on the regulation of Wall Street.

Yes, I think every country has DICs. US politics…I know. I’m packing for The Cave. Always loved hot springs. Mind you, this is my fiction site. I’m an Online Bartender, remember. I don’t discuss politics or religion. This is pure fiction. But was really fun to write. 🙂