Youíre very perceptive, no wonder youíre the president. You hit the nail on the head. To find the right balance, the pendulum had to swing back the other way, or it was going to break off. For now, I need a pause. I didnít think I was even going to be able to allow myself to skate for at least a month, but I believe Iím OK enough for twice a week. Even though today it was raining, I couldnít let it upset me. Of course the fire will continue to burn inside and I still have the daydreams where I cross the finish line ahead of you, but for now, I pause.

HELL NO!! Being obsessive is not (just) a guy thing. But I'm thinking being a fitness- or speed-skater goes hand in hand with an obsessive personality.

S'better than drinking or shooting up obsessively.

When I was married...to a non-skater...I even took up golf to try to understand his obsession (I actually enjoyed it once I could finally make contact with the ball after about 4 years). Unfortunately he did not understand the big deal about skating. Oh well vive la difference and all that.

Now my significant other is a skater, so it's a whole 'nother issue. We tend to compete with each other and worry about who is in better shape than the other one. But it is so nice to share skating with that special person you want to argue with most in the world

Regarding skating vs. 'family time'. Well if 'family' time means schlepping your kids around to all THEIR sports while your butt gets flabby, that isn't going to balance out very well. Happy, sane Dad/Mom = happy, sane kids. Most of us are probably skating with a goal to take part in some event, even if it is only the Great Esskate (gotta look good in skimpy clothes in February ya know!), so Mom or Dad needs to train for their event too, just as kid 1 and kid 2 need to train for their soccer/baseball games.

I can rationalize my obsessions.

BTW Great idea whoever said they switch their obsessions for a while to throw the spouse off the trail. Very funny! It probably DOES help your skating somehow (as long as it's not playing competitive darts or something - not that there's anything wrong with that...).

Sheldon - having been married and a father for over 30 years, I understand your conflict between skate...family...skate... family. This being a skate message board, the advice will probably lean towards skating but finding the balance between skating and family is key to a successful marriage and to personal mental/physical health. Perhaps your plan of toning the skating down over the winter will bring increased skating time once the weather starts to warm up in the spring.

There will be a 2008 local racing event for you to participate in. Skater's Quest is once again working with the Fairfax County Police Department to use their driver training track for the 2008 Skate of the Union race. We have penciled in June 14 as the date, we will officially announce the event once we get final approval from Fairfax Police. Keep the date open, hope to see you then, if not before.

Truth be told, I was obsessed with skating as an escape from lifeís problems just like any other addiction people have. Too much of a good thing is detrimental to personal growth.
Consequently I had to hang up the skates, until I got myself back into a healthy state of mind.

Sheldon - take this with a grain of salt, as I'm sure you know what's best for you and your family's situation.

I just wanted to say that if I don't get enough physical exercise, I start to go bonkers, literally. I do not take anti-depressants and as long as I can skate, I won't need 'em. Sure I could do other, more enabler-like activities, such as jogging, walking in the neighborhood or going to the n'hood gym and riding the stat.bike whenever the family-commitment-calendar throws me a few measly minutes to myself, but I don't do those things because they bore me to tears. I don't pretend to plan to jog or walk or stair climb, etc., because then I'll have to hate myself for not sticking to (such a boring) exercise plan. So I drive to a nearby park to skate (can't afford the gas to get myself to the group nightskates twice a week!). I simply cannot see sense if I haven't skated by the third day. From that point on I'm in such a horrendous tailspin I can't get my brain to get my body to go skate.

My point is, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater if you can help it. Try to hang on to those 2 skate sessions/week. Just speaking for myself, I would not be able to get back to a healthy state of mind without enough exercise.

Well being obsessed about skating is NOT just for certain disciplines or men, I'm a woman and aggressive skater and by all means, I'm totally obsessed! Of course I have an obsessive personality also. I dive into things with both feet! Its good I'm single. I would drive my husband nuts if they were expecting dinner on the table and I'm out at the skatepark lol. Least my boyfriend now knows that skating first, hes second lol. But I dont think this will work long term cause he would have to be a skater too, theres just no way. I love it too much to not have my partner be involved.

I don't know how old you children are Sheldon but i have three...20, 18 and 12. As time goes on and the family gets older you get more time to pursue your healthy, yet obsessive, interests.

Having said that, for many years I used to get up at 4:30 AM twice a week to get to my 5:15 basketballs games. If it's important you can find a way to work out your exercise schedule and balance it with your family life.

Feel for you, Sheldon. Hope things keep trending to the positive for you. My suggestion is that you start working out in the early am like skaterdog says. I was jogging the neighborhood this morning at dawn and I composed a 'hachoo' that made me shed a silent tear of joy as I ran with my dog Zelda.

Yup. Same here. Both in terms of the simple need for exertion and the more ego-driven need to meet arbitrary goals. I’m working on a goal of 300 miles skated this month (after about three months of doing half that). If I don’t make that number I’m probably not gonna fling myself into the sea, but odds are I will be an itsy bitsy bit bitchy about it.

The other night I finally had my first long skate on my new Bonts. Jenn called me around midnight to see how much longer I was gonna be out. I told her I finally had them fitting well and was shooting for twenty miles (ended up doing 24). She said she was going to bed, and I assured her she’d be glad I was staying out to skate longer…meaning that my glee after finally doing twenty+ again would make me a much more pleasant boyfriend.

Feel for you, Sheldon. Hope things keep trending to the positive for you. My suggestion is that you start working out in the early am like skaterdog says. I was jogging the neighborhood this morning at dawn and I composed a 'hachoo' that made me shed a silent tear of joy as I ran with my dog Zelda.

I'm normally not one for poetry but that was a very descriptive and heartfelt Haiku.

That hachoo brought a leetle tear to my eye...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esk8

I just wanted to say that if I don't get enough physical exercise, I start to go bonkers, literally.

Yep. Exercise gets the crazies out.

Sheldon, maybe there's some kind of exercise you can do with your family, or at least near them. Like doing yoga or low-impact plyo while you hang out or watch TV. If you only exercise twice a week, you'll be pretty depressed. Less daylight and gloomier weather will make matters worse...

Well, I couldnt ever limit exercise to 2 days a week. I couldnt function, I wouldnt be happy, I couldnt concentrate well in work. I'm ADHD so I have no problem with my obsession. Its very healthy and I must exercise almost daily to be able to sit and function as normal. I could go to the bars to release stress, but I dont. I could take lots of meds to function, but I dont. I figure if I cant fit an hour or two in a day for me, I wouldnt ever want to be in that type of living situation. I think exercise is vital to health. If you do it just to compete, then maybe you need to step back. I've tailored my skating goals to more realistic ones, financially and to fit my schedule. I dont go to rinks now nor take pricey lessons. But I skate for fun, I skate outside now, I will skate around my work schedule and takes days off as needed. It gives me what I want and need to be healthy and happy. So skate addict and proud of it! I need something in my life that I'm passionate about, that brings me joy, satisfaction and health, otherwise, whats the purpose?

I just wanted to say that if I don't get enough physical exercise, I start to go bonkers, literally. I do not take anti-depressants and as long as I can skate, I won't need 'em...I could do other activities whenever the family-commitment-calendar throws me a few measly minutes but I don't do those things because they bore me to tears....I would not be able to get back to a healthy state of mind without enough exercise.

could have been my words.........

i see it as balancing for the office- and cardriving-sit-on-the-butt and brainwork to get my nose in the wind.

With enough skate (and some other stuff with an "S" helps too ) I wont be all depressed - especially in the dark dark days of winter....

I'm pretty happy the family learned to understand that - even though sometimes it is thrown at me too.

we found a mutual thing to do as compensation too; the boat - it gets us outside all of us and we can do it together.

__________________
"the internet is a world without borders - where the heart is the only passport you carry" ~carl santana

Sometimes people find something that lets them feel like nothing else and we get lost in that feeling. We spend so much of our lives feeling this or that because it's what we have to do to get by and just survive. When you find that thing that makes you feel like you are living, it becomes your happy place. It's the place you go to in your mind where your soul feels unencumbered. I've said before that skating is the closest thing to flying that we can experience, but in reality for some of us it is flying. Our legs are moving across the earth, but our spirit is moving through time and space like an eagle on the wind. It never surprises me that people get obsessed with skating.

Sheldon, I feel you, man. I know what it's like to fly and know what it is like to crash and burn. Take your time and find your way.

Sometimes losing something is the only true way to measure what it means to you. The pain of absence typically produces a clarity of vision that leaves little doubt as to the measure of worth of the missing thing. The Stones said you can't always get what you want, but you usually get what you need. It's important to know what you need, but it's also critical to maintain the balance between managing your responsiblities to others.

This may sound trite, but if it's a priority for you, you'll find a way to make it happen. May that way be for the good and benefit of all with harm to none.

There's times when I'm on my skates that I seem to be trapped in a moment. At total peace with myself and the entire world. There is no other time that I can feel this way. For me it's usually at a session with hundreds of other people around me but it seems like I'm all alone, and I love it.

My parents split up when I was one year old. My mom moved back home where her family was, and my dad was 300 miles away. I grew up at a rink. I didn't get to see my dad much growing up, so I lived with him a while after I got out of college. I wanted to get to know him.
Dad went from being the county engineer to being the town drunk. When I moved up there he was running a bar. After about five months of getting to know him and discovering that he is a very intelligent person (geeky smart), I asked him, "Why"? Why would somebody that had so much, throw it away? He spent about ten minutes talking about the politics of his job and the problems with he and moms marriage. But than he took a drink of his Bud, sat up straight, and said something that I will never forget. Sheldon are you reading this? He said "Son, life is fun if you want it to be".
Life and marriage are a compromise, but you should not have to sacrifice the things that you love and enjoy. My wifes not a skater, but she knows my passion for it, and she would never ask me to quit. I do try to keep a balance though, and currently I am trying to get my kids to skate. This seems to help with my addiction and the rest of my life.

I was once channel surfing on the radio and heard one of these talking heads say something that stuck with me: "You should do something beautiful every day". For this guy, it was playing hoops, but it could be anything, or it could be many things. The point was also that that that time is worth protecting, guarding, sacrificing for, and hopefully - appreciating.

For me, obviously, that time is spent skating. On days that i can't skate either becuase of weather constraints or a need for cross-training, the passion is transfered to the cross-training, and i get some of the same excitement out of that.

For me, that's rule number one. Maybe it's not always possible, but it's not a bad goal.

Then comes the secondary guidelines that i've set up that help me achieve rule number one. When me son was born, we (wife and I) had out the issue of the my time vs our time vs your time thing. I came up with the "one-third" (1/3rd) rule, which has worked well as a baseline: one third of my time is spent taking care of our son (quality time emphesized), one third spent as a family together, and one third is my time (see rule number one, and see it without hesitation).

Next within the secondary guidelines came what i think of as the "bowling night" rule: heck, every poor slob in pants deserves at least one night a week when they head out with the fellas and pretends like they have some autonomy, even if it means begging at the front door to get let back in... The bowling nite rule buys me the one group skate session each week when i skip our family dinner and hit the trail with the crew. (On a side note, the second group skate session we have blocked out for Saturday mornings, i attribute to the one-third rule with enough pre-planning and forewarning that it has become a recognized, standing occurence.

Work is key, and i've worked it out so i can leave early, or take extended lunches with no forewarning beyond a nod as i head out the door. The notion is that it's my vacation time, i've earned it, and this is how i choose to use it. We've discussed it, and everyone was okay with that, which is critical becuase it happens so often - sometimes every day in a week.

An elaborate scheme devised to justify one's selfish pursuits? Well, maybe, but far be it for me to throw in the towel. Which brings me to my next self imposed guideline: If you are trully addicted to something, shut the hell up and don't let the cat out of the bag!. Point being, if i've already stretched the goodwill by being away on a 3 or 4 our skate session, the last thing the wife wants to hear me talk about is skating. And no one at work needs to know how i spend my vacation time, it's not there business, and i don't want or need their approval, and it;s better if they don't know. If they wonder, as they do, i'm off to get some exercise.

Maybe this helps. Hopefully it's general enough that it fits other people's situations. Of course, there needs to be some give and take, which goes a long ways to making anything work.

As time goes on and the family gets older you get more time to pursue your healthy, yet obsessive, interests.

Wow, what a thread. As one who is getting older, I can certainly attest to that. I spent the first part of my life trying to get away (and also sometimes enjoying) the nine brothers and sisters I had.

The second part was making sure my beautiful girl and handsome boy (both very intelligent) had everything they could possibly need, want or do while trying to find them a new dad that actually liked kids (never happened, although I finally found them a "friend" that I've lived with for 11 years). He is pretty much in his own bar world so we don't spend a lot of time together...although he is really a better skater than I am when I can get him to go.

And the third part, I am working 2nd shift, spend most of my free time alone (or still with my fabulous children).

For me, I love being outside anyway, so skating brings back my sanity...
It is a time to think, watch for the wild turkeys, the deer, the blue bird, the yellow finches that come along with me....

That is Flatwoods, folks, just take the time to look when you skate Squiggy.

An obsession? Probably not yet, but a passion, yes. I was the kid on the end of the whip line in the roller rink who got slammed into the rail who got up and said, wow that was fun. Let's do it again!

That is actually where I got the idea to take the kids to the rink for some peace for me. It is just a fun thing to skate.

Just as a disclaimer if anybody takes offense to my viewpoint, blame it on me being non-american and therefore English being my second language (how's that for an excuse for being feisty)

That being said this thread both makes me incrediably sad as well as give me some hope in mankind - great thread!

What makes me sad is the "wife don't understand me... I'm not allowed to..." what on earth is that kind of an attitude to have to your significante other. It sounds to me like wife is someone to fear and I don't know, like she's your mother and you have to ask her to be allowed.

What happened to sitting down and talk as in both listen and talk and find out what is what I, you and we want.

I like online-inlines post;

Quote:

Originally Posted by online inline

Then comes the secondary guidelines that i've set up that help me achieve rule number one. When me son was born, we (wife and I) had out the issue of the my time vs our time vs your time thing. I came up with the "one-third" (1/3rd) rule, which has worked well as a baseline: one third of my time is spent taking care of our son (quality time emphesized), one third spent as a family together, and one third is my time (see rule number one, and see it without hesitation).

Next within the secondary guidelines came what i think of as the "bowling night" rule: heck, every poor slob in pants deserves at least one night a week when they head out with the fellas and pretends like they have some autonomy, even if it means begging at the front door to get let back in... The bowling nite rule buys me the one group skate session each week when i skip our family dinner and hit the trail with the crew. (On a side note, the second group skate session we have blocked out for Saturday mornings, i attribute to the one-third rule with enough pre-planning and forewarning that it has become a recognized, standing occurence.

Maybe this helps. Hopefully it's general enough that it fits other people's situations. Of course, there needs to be some give and take, which goes a long ways to making anything work.

He and his wife sat down and made a plan, and I assume that the 1/3 where O/I is taking care of their kid, that his wife has time to "me time".

I'm a firm beliver in communication and I can't really fathom that someone can live in a family where "me time" is not allowed or even frowned uppon. Communication being the part where you sit down with the family and find out what is the goals for this family, what do we like to do, where are we going as a unit. For this to work you have to sit down and be honest with your self and your wife/husband and kids and all get a word/wote.

So to you Sheldon, for I don't believe you one bit, sorry but I honestly think that the 2-day-a-week-plan you made yourself, you made that without being honest to yourself or your wife. What will happen when pent up energy has built up and you are ready to... Why not sit down, some night after the kids have gone to bed, serve your wife her favorite (non-alcoholic drink) and really sit down and have that talk about goals and future plans etc. as a person, as a couple and as a family. Of course it will be hard and lots of "made up patterns" will have to be torn down, and a lot hard work is needed, but I'm totally confident that you "bull sheldon" can do that. I'm totally confident that you have the guts to sit down and have that talk about your life with your choosen significant other!
Because I doubt that your wife is ignorant to what is going on in your head. She knows she bougth a "seize fire" for a while, but she also knows that the subject will come up. How long do you want to wait???

And just to clearify that I'm not saying that Sheldon or anybody else needs to skate 30 hrs a week and have to go to every meet they can posibly find, all I'm saying is to stay happy you have to have a plan so that all parts of your life fit in as a whole.

Or as oldnslow wrote, I think that's very wise words (maybe because he's basically saying the same thing as I'm trying to say)

Quote:

Originally Posted by oldnslow

But than he took a drink of his Bud, sat up straight, and said something that I will never forget. Sheldon are you reading this? He said "Son, life is fun if you want it to be".

Life and marriage are a compromise, but you should not have to sacrifice the things that you love and enjoy. My wifes not a skater, but she knows my passion for it, and she would never ask me to quit. I do try to keep a balance though, and currently I am trying to get my kids to skate. This seems to help with my addiction and the rest of my life.

And yes I can already hear the " well it is easy for you to say you don't have a family", that's true I'm single, but I still have to comprimise because there's lots of things that I don't have time to. Like I went to a seminar the past two days because I wanted to and I needed to for my own sanity, but by doing so I did not have time to my bread and butter job and neglected that, so I now have to work on a beautiful Saturday morning instead of going to practice. Would I love to go to practice, sure more than anything, but I also need to get to the bottom of my inbox at work.

Talking about work, better get to that, so some of this freezing cold Saturday (its blue skies, and 71F - brraaaa ) will be mine and my walking boots.

__________________
- It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
~Seneca