Sunday, October 2, 2011

Let's be honest. Isn't it the #1 question on your mind sometimes? Or is it just me?

The past two weekends have been pretty amazing for two different reasons. Last weekend was our 3rd AtlantaDominion party at the 1763 Dungeon. This weekend was the Black & Blue Weekend at the Eagle here in Atlanta. Both weekends were great, yet both have that capacity to niggle at the nether regions of my mind (a very scary place, hazmat suits recommended).

Here's the deal. I've been an observant person for as long as I can remember. And a damn good reader of people. And probably a little too empathetic (EMpathetic, not pathetic, although sometimes I drift). It's the co-dependent in me: I'm not happy until you're happy. You're not happy, I feel quite certain it's my fault. I've been the type of guy that if I think you're not having a good time I'll join right in on your misery. (Do you hear tiny violins playing sympathy songs in the background?)

Despite all this baggage I've managed to have a pretty damn good time the past two weekends! At the dungeon party we had 26 really hot, playful, kinky guys doing their damnedest to explore, explode, and dive-bomb into their kinks and fetishes and desires. What amazes me is that we had 46 guys signed up to come. 20 guys. TWENTY guys who at the last minute decided something was better. To say it was a drag on my energy would be an understatement. (In the heat of this "rats deserting the sinking ship" moment I believe I may have said some nasty things.....I'll deny everything.) Add to that, two of my best buddies in the world, and co-founders of the AtlantaDominion, were unable to attend because of work and travel....I was doing "hang-dog" expressions left and right. But! BUT! I learned long ago that the "here and now" is where you live. As hubby and I arrived at 1763 we made a vow to put every ounce of energy into the guys who DID show up, and not to worry about those that flaked, begged off, got sick, created excuses, had real excuses, spent too much time at the Eagle the prior night, or were in the midst of their life crises. "Here and now" means this place with these people. And that pays off. Handsomely.

As before there were amazing things going on all over the dungeon. I lost count how many guys got abused in straitjackets. Considering it is my favorite piece of equipment ever invented....well, that's one big vote for being in the "here and now." Having a hand in getting 3 different guys to pretty deep headspace--well that's the nectar of the gods for me. Way down deep, when I see a guy's eyes flutter, and his neck turn to spaghetti, and involuntary moans escape from him....well, that's the big payoff for me.

And sitting at the pizza joint afterwards with 12 other guys (Yes, there were 13 for dinner, but, knock wood, we're all still alive a week later) was the biggest payoff. Happy, happy, happy men and not a single ounce of negative energy. There are amazing people in this world and for that brief moment in time I felt very lucky to be sitting with all of them. I felt like, "I fit in."

For the last two nights I served as a judge for the Mr. Atlanta Rubber contest. I blame Pup Nitro, the sweetest-talking little rascal for roping me into this. I am not a pageant guy. I have been known to call them "The Little Miss Leather Sunshine Contests." I wonder why guys want a sash. I freak out a bit at the thought of parading down some runway showing off my attributes, or lack thereof. I wonder how the guy feels to end up 2nd in a two-man race. (Monopoly players know the old "$10 for 2nd place in a beauty pageant" card.)

Needless to say, I got a huge dose of "doesn't fit in" this weekend. There were about a dozen judges for the Rubber and Bootblack contests. And one contestant in each category, a statement laden with meaning in itself! And as the judges were introduced each was introduced along with the title or titles they hold or held. And as my name was read last....."And Master Dan, from here in Atlanta." Did I feel 3 inches tall. Nah. Maybe 2 1/2 inches tall. But only for a second. It's like the lottery: you can't win if you don't enter. And I choose not to enter.

Later in the evening every single title holder was invited to the stage for a big group shot. When the dust settled there were about 30-35 people on stage. There were about 8 of us left to observe. THAT speaks volumes to me. This is a very particular and specific group, many traveling hundreds of miles!, that gathers to support each other. They celebrate and support each other, maybe to validate their own journey down the runway, maybe to keep the spirit of titleholders alive. It really helped me to understand all of this by reading a recent article at leatherati.com. We all recognize that the internet and various phone gadgets have created a whole different way that we interact and find each other. And this is totally true of leathermen and women, and kinksters of all shapes and sizes. And the need, the true need for contests as gatherings to celebrate our similarities may no longer exist. Time will tell whether or not some contests even continue to survive. I'm not voting on the issue. After this weekend I can see both sides of the argument all too well.

Let me be clear on one thing. Not a single person of the pageant circuit made even the slightest effort to exclude me. (okay, there was one guy, from out of state, who was a dickhead, but I think that's just because he's a dickhead.) In fact, they were some of the most wonderful people I've met in a long time. This is a bunch that tries very hard to include you, not stiff arm you. And I appreciated that effort very much. Whatever element of "not fitting in" I felt was only what I imposed on myself. And I'm a pro at that. Fifty-four years of experience has never let me down!

And I can figure out a thousand morals to this story. Ways that I can learn from this experience and become a better person; self-reflection habits that I should nuke, burn, mutilate, and destroy; ways that I can give myself credit for opening myself up to a new experience; blah blah blah blah.

What I really want to remember is to hold a hand open to the young guy who looks at me and thinks I'M the one who "fits in". Me? Really? Me? You think I'm sane, rational, have my shit together, and "fit in!?!?" Oh.....we have so much to talk about.

A HUGE thanks to Loren and Alex who shared my table during the judging part of the evening. Together they put together Leatherati.com, the single best resource of what's going on in the kink world of today. They are amazing men and it was my pleasure to get to know them better.

And to boy Andy from SC.....I'm looking forward to the next time I get to tie you up!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

This coming Sunday will be our third AtlantaDominion play party at the 1763 dungeon. And I am truly excited. We have 90 guys on the approved list (some from as far away as Florida and Louisiana) and nearly half of them are planning on attending this time around

The original party was planned as a 25th anniversary celebration for hubby and me. Shortly after that Sir Brian, Loki, and I met to discuss making this an ongoing event, which in our minds would fulfill a much needed gaping hole (sexual pun intended) in the social life of Atlanta. I really believe that we just may have accomplished this.

We have a huge variety of kinksters as part of the group, but we share the key elements: respect, safety, discretion, kink-aware, risk-aware, and fun. It's not too late to submit an application, and if you're coming from out of town and need a crash-pad, let me know! Sleeping on the bondage bed here at home can always be arranged.

If you can't make this one, start planning now for the party on November 20th. We open the doors at 2:00 and try to get the party started by 2:30. We wind down at 7:00 and a lot of guys head off to a nearby pizza joint for a little post-party socialization. Twenty bucks. That's it. Just twenty bucks for an afternoon of debauchery!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

(I have about six thousand comments I'd like to shout from the rooftops on this article. Besides all the safety issues that were completely aborted, I believe we all have to recognize that our actions and behaviors will ultimately reflect on everyone in the lifestyle. Please, be safe.)

Europe's Dangerous Sex Craze

Sep 15, 2011 9:24 PM EDT

An Italian man is on trial for the death of his girlfriend during a Japanese bondage scene. Barbie Latza Nadeau on what happens during 'Shibari'—and why extreme sex is on the rise.

Apparently monogamous sex gets tedious even when you’re tied up with rope.

Italian engineer Soter Mule, 42, and his girlfriend Paola Caputo, 24, were avid practitioners of Shibari, an ancient Japanese erotic art. More refined than your typical night of bondage, Shibari involves the use of thin pieces of rope to bind the submissive partner in ways that are meant to be both artistically beautiful and also heighten the sensation of his or her orgasm.

But last Saturday night, the couple was looking to spice things up even more. They met up with a friend of Caputo’s at a local pub in Rome and, after drinking heavily and smoking hashish, the three headed to the parking garage where Caputo worked as daytime attendant. The dimly lit space was closed and desolate, the perfect setting for a kinky sex act. Mule strung the two women, with their consent and help, from a rafter with strategically placed soft ropes. He used their weight to counterbalance them, each with one foot on the ground. When one woman moved, it tightened the ropes and intensified the sensation for the other, and vice versa.

Everything was fine until the less-experienced woman fainted. The force of her sudden dead weight quickly lifted and strangled Caputo, even though Mule quickly tried to cut his girlfriend free. She died of asphyxiation, and the couple’s new friend nearly suffered the same fate. Mule was arrested and charged with involuntary manslaughter, and later released on house arrest.

In detailed testimony to the arraigning judge on Wednesday, Mule described how extreme sex like Shibari involves total control. He explained how he alternately teased and penetrated the women for maximum pleasure. He admitted that he made a mistake by not cutting Caputo from her bondage ropes sooner, but insisted that the extreme sex was consensual. “No one forced anyone,” he told the court. “Paola and her friend consented, but I was the master and I ultimately made the fatal mistake. I should have had the knife closer, as they suggest when practicing this type of bondage. By the time I found it, it was too late.”

Getty Images

When police searched Mule’s apartment, they found a cache of sex toys, bondage ropes, and albums of photos he had taken of women bound in various contortions. His computer was filled with content suggesting sexual deviancy or erotic artistry, depending on your point of view. Nothing Mule did was illegal. The surviving friend, still recovering in the hospital, backed up his version of events. There were no minors involved, and sadomasochism is not a crime in Italy.

Mule was an active member of several BDSM (bondage, discipline, submission, masochism) websites and posted frequently under the moniker Kinbaku, the name used for Shibari in the 15th century when its use was first recorded. Many of his followers looked to him for advice on how to practice Shibari. “He was considered an expert,” one friend of Mule’s told the ANSA news agency. “When practicing this kind of extreme sex everything has to be controlled, and he was well aware of that.”

Caputo’s death has since opened up a steamy debate in Italy, which has some of the highest numbers of extreme-sex aficionados in Europe, according to a poll by La Repubblica newspaper. Not to be confused with sexual predators who attack their victims, extreme-sex participants engage in risky, mutually consensual sex that they know could kill them if something goes wrong. One in 10 Italian couples practice “extreme sex,” which is defined as sex that could put one partner’s life at risk—and even those who aren’t doing things that could end in death are still risqué. Sixteen percent of Italian couples use masks and forms of bondage, and 5 percent admit to regularly engaging in mild sadomasochistic practices. Over half use erotic props in their usual sexual rapport. Just under 3 percent of the population has had sex with more than one person at a time, and slightly less than that have had group sex involving three or more partners.

Ayzad (he goes by only one name), author of A Guide to Extreme Eroticism published last year in Milan, told The Daily Beast that sexual extremism is a growing phenomenon across the globe primarily because of the Internet, which hosts thousands of websites and message boards where fetish fanatics can post their ideas and learn how to fulfill the most fringe erotic fantasies.

But the surge in high-risk sex has also led to an increase in accidental death when sex games go wrong. As many as 1,000 young men die each year of auto-erotic asphyxiation, or AEA, which is the practice of cutting off oxygen at the moment of orgasm to heighten the sensation. Michael Hutchence, the lead singer of INXS, allegedly died of an auto-erotic accident, as did Kung Fu star David Carradine. Only a few hundred women suffer the same fate. Many AEA deaths are called “suicide” since the victims are frequently found either hanging from a belt or rope or with a plastic bag over their heads. If a partner wasn’t involved, the victims are often found in the nude with pornography nearby.

But the real question is whether accidental death by orgasmic accident should be treated the same way as other accidental deaths. Every year there are hundreds of cases that make it to court. Last week a Swedish man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for “accidentally” killing a 17-year-old girl he met via the Internet. The girl had been strangled with a live electric cord during consensual sex. She had actually blogged about the thrill of the experience before the game turned fatal. In 2010, an Oklahoma man accidentally killed his wife when they were playing with a pistol during an erotic session. He was not charged with murder but instead convicted of a lesser crime. The year before, a Pennsylvania woman died of electroshock when her husband upped the amps on their “sex battery” which was wired to her nipples and vagina. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter but is already out of prison. In the U.K., a new law prohibits any citizen from possessing “extreme pornography” in the form of photographs from necrophilia to bestiality. Offenders can face prison time of up to two years and hefty fines. But the law stops short of making it a crime to engage in acts that could cause death to a participant.

“Accidents in extreme sex are rare,” says Ayzad. “You understand right away if it is for you or not.” And even if it is, that might not be enough to keep you alive.

Apologies to all of you for being remiss in posting. Call it a funk, a dry spell, a lack of interest, misplaced focus. You name it, they all apply. Add to it that the pup is ailing and I'm back to a sick work schedule and what you get is a dead blog. Mea culpa.

We DID however get a chance to do a little play at out local dungeon a couple weeks ago and cameras were allowed inside. Fun stuff!

About Me

**Have My hubby who has become My pigboy extraordinaire, who 60 times a day rocks My world.
**Have My pup who has filled in some very interesting gaps in My life, and has reminded Me and hubby what pure joy life is.
**And have a few more kinks and fetishes these two don't quite fulfill......growl.