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How To Ask Someone Out On A Date

by eHarmony Staff

March 27, 2009

Asking someone out on a date need not be nerve-wracking. The simple truth is that most single people would love to be asked out to coffee or dinner, and will never think less of you for venturing to approach them.

In the movie ‘Hitch’, Will Smith plays a “date doctor,” a consultant who helps his clients stand out from the crowd and reach the initial step in any successful relationship: the first date. His advice includes this gem: No woman (or man, for that matter) gets up in the morning and says, “I definitely do not want to be swept off my feet today.”

In other words, most singles are looking—even longing for—romance and a happy, healthy relationship. They are ready to say yes when asked on a date in the right way, at the right time, under the right circumstances.

Forgetting this fact is what causes so many people to spend days working up the courage to ask someone for a date. They approach the encounter with an attitude and demeanor that seem to say, “I know you’re probably going to say no, but…” Confidence is attractive, while fear and timidity have the opposite effect.

If you experience fear and trepidation when thinking about asking someone out, consider the following:

Keep things in perspective.

An invitation to dinner is not a proposal for marriage. The only thing at stake is whether the two of you will spend time together getting acquainted.
Don’t believe your self-worth is at stake. People often fear asking someone out because they presume the response is a comment on their value as a person. If someone declines an invitation to a date, it shouldn’t be interpreted as a rejection of you. There could be any number of reasons for the refusal, and they probably have nothing do to with you.

Be specific.

People are usually more open to an invitation if they’re clear about what you’ll be doing. Vagueness makes people nervous. Instead of saying “Wanna go out sometime?” try saying, “Would you like to go with me on Friday night to that new Italian restaurant downtown? And after dinner, we could catch the jazz concert at Memorial Park.”

Be flexible.

These days, busy schedules are a real obstacle to any kind of get-together. Someone who says no to one proposal because of a conflict might say yes to an alternate plan. Be ready with several options.

Ease up.

Asking someone for a date is not a high-pressure sales call. You don’t have to “close the deal” on the spot. Slow down, stay casual, and put your potential date at ease. If it appears that the timing is not right, or she is unsure of what to say, offer her time to think about it.

There is far less reason to be intimidated when asking someone for a date than you might think. The search for the right romantic relationship is almost always mutual. Simply be the confident and thoughtful person your potential date has been looking for, ask the question, and then expect “yes” for an answer.