I live in the grip of fear... but what fear?

I am 19 year old student at a prestigious preparation course for a business school in France. This is my second year and at the end of it I will pass competitive exams to get into a business school. I enjoy and succeed at most of the subjects except one, maths. Inherited from a lack of effort in upper High School I am seriously behind in this subject and even when I was a complete genius at it when I started high school I didn't enjoy it. I'm quite brilliant at mental calculus but unfortunately they had to go and invent the calculator to make my capacities in this field unnecessary and obsolete.

To top it all off in my perfect world I don't even envisage being a businessman. Since the age of 6 I have been in love with rock music and after 10 years and a lot of time wasting on that devilish procrastination tool known as the Xbox 360, at age 16 I finally purchased my first guitar.

A two year love affair followed, right up to the moment where due to being bilingual and getting grades above and beyond what my effort deserved (because I'd been spending most of that time on my guitar), I got the chance to do a course that most students dream about, and I'd snapped at it because I needed a "backup plan".

Now I've barely played my guitar in a year and a half, losing tons of speed, forgetting songs I'd learned and those I had wrote. I have 5 months of this course and it's on to business school where things will be a lot easier, a lot more interesting, a lot more fun. I'll have opportunities to travel, take up a 4th language (I love languages), do work experience, study tools actually useful in business and yet I don't know if I can take another 5 months despite being already over 2/3 of the way through this course.

So what do I fear? Putting in the effort and making sacrifices in order to succeed in maths? Or am I afraid of plunging wholeheartedly into what I really want to do in life?

I don't need to make stacks of money, making sure that if I choose to have a family, my children never want for anything would be more than enough. I know that failing as a guitarist I could work as a barman or a DJ, two things I enjoy doing and am quite good at (and in the case of barman qualified to do). But I'm not sure with the three combined I could support myself in the current economic climate.

I have a principal in life to confront my fears and not back down because of them but for nearly 3 years I've been trying to work out what exactly am I scared of?

I am extremely grateful for any replies I may receive and will try to reply as best I can to some of the questions and anxieties of this site in order to return the favour.

Well despite fearing disappointing my family I shouldn't really, they would laugh because I've always been an artistic kind of person and I've always enjoyed entertaining others, they'd support me wholeheartedly. The real problem is regretting the decision in years to come, which I guess is fearing a different sort of unknown than the one I usually enjoy discovering. I have problems letting go, which is why I'm also scared of beating myself up over "wasting" a year and a half of my life.

I think I'll stick around until the end of the year (2014) as I think it would it's character building to confront this discomfort.

However if I don't see differences by Christmas then I think I'll take the courageous choice of admitting I made a mistake and get a job for 8 months to build up some finances and get my guitar playing back in shape before enrolling in a music school in September.

peacefulbeing wrote:Fear is a healthy human emotion if it is below 30%. Fear above 30% can lead to depression and destructive thoughts. Everyone has to deal with unhealthy emotions and there are simple written exercises to bring them in the healthy range. I can run you though basic cognitive behavioral therapy skills for free, get in touch with me at conquerlife1 at hotmail com. Remember, getting rid of unhealthy emotions needs hard work and dedication.

Wow, peacefulbeing, two new forum users "Tony Andrews" and "roadtohappiness" were just saying the exact same thing! (in regards to making contact at that email address)

Hi... 'm 26 years old female. I affraid of my mom from childhood. Fear deepens and deepens day by day and year by year.I belong to typical Punjabi(Indian ) family. In our culture choosing a life partner with own choice is not considered as good charachter especially for females. And i did it, asked parents to marry me with the guy of my choice with all rituals. There were lots of disputes in family and relations.I am not able to speake in front of my mom. I don't know how i kept my choice in front of her and how have been i fought for my love. All things are ok now, 'm getting married soon. Inspite the fear to face mom and to talk her even on phone is so tough for me.. that leads me to wards stress and anxiety.

Please some one counsell/ help me to leave this fear away from my life.