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Author
Topic: I am officially freaked out (Read 4622 times)

Hello everyone. Thank you for your help in advance. It is very much appreciated.

I am an HIV - gay man in his mid-forties new to dating. I went on a date with another man who is HIV +. I did not brush my teeth before I went on the date because my gums can bleed on occassion when I brush. During the date after dinner, we made out/open mouth kissed a lot. During a break in kissing, I was chewing gum. I slightly nipped the inside of my cheek. It was mildly painul, caused a very tiny piece of my cheek to feel a little loose and in a short amount of time I could barely notice it. I used my tongue to press against it after I nipped the inside of my cheek. After that point, we closed mouth kissed a little. Then a half hour or so later, we open mouth kissed for a few minutes when we said good night. I did not taste blood in his mouth nor did I taste blood in my mouth. I am worried because I extensively open mouth kissed an HIV + man with a non-intact mouth.

Here is my question:Does this pose any risk for me becoming HIV +?

Here are my additional questions:I know that wearing a condom for anal sex is a must. Is wearing a condom when receiving oral sex from an HIV + person also a must? Is wearing a condom when performing oral sex on a HIV + person also a must? Lastly, is wearing a dental damn a must when rimming a HIV + person? Is wearing a dental dam a must when getting rimmed by an HIV+ person?

Kissing with whatever details thrown in is not a risk for HIV transmission. In the entire epidemic no guy has ever been confirmed to have been infected through being rimmed or receiving oral. As far as HIV is concerned neither of those require using a condom.

However as far as performing rimming is concerned, the anus is the germiest opening in the body so other STDs can be transmitted in that manner. With regard to that you just have to decide with what level of risk you are comfortable.

If you haven't already done so you might read our lesson on Transmission. There's a link to it in the Welcome thread which opens this section.

Thanks so much for yourresponse. One question I didn't see answered was regarding performing oral sex on an hiv + person. There seems to be a lot of differing opinions out there regarding the risks and or non-risks of this activity. In my case, I have occassional bleeding gums, so I am not sure if that impacts risk level or not. Your opinion, Andy?

Thanks so much for helping guide me through this new and intimidating jungle called dating. I just want to maintain my negative status, behave responsibly and not hurt others, too.

You've got the right plan about protecting your health as well as that of others.

We do from time to time hear of someone insisting they became infected through giving oral. And theoretically it is possible. But under careful scrutiny those claims never seem to hold up. I will say that of course if you have really poor oral care or a fresh wound in your mouth for any reason, then that is not the moment to be giving someone oral.

But such things are pretty common and if oral was a serious risk for transmission we'd have known it long before today since it's one of the most common of sexual acts.

Could it happen? Yes. But does it happen? Only so rarely as to not be a serious threat. More importantly, your saliva has over a dozen elements and proteins which very effectively prevent the transmission of viable HIV. And no less important are the longterm studies of sero-discordant couples, both gay and straight. They have had lots of mutual unprotected oral and only protected vaginal and anal intercourse. To date not a single sero-negative partner has become infected.

Ultimately of course as with all sexual acts, you have to decide what you are comfortable with and act accordingly. Given that you're just "starting out," I especially urge you to do only what you are comfortable with.

Thanks in advance for your help. I hope I do not sound rediculous. This just has me thrown.

I was with another guy and afterwards when I went home I noticed I had a pimple on my back that was ready to be popped and also a pimple on my chest that was not ready to be popped both of which I did not know was there before. During our time together he did rub my back a lot and my chest with my shirt on and underneath my shirt, too. I do not think it bled and I did not feel any pain when he was rubbing my back in the area where the pimple was at. I proceeded to pop it after I got home. Then, I thought about him saying how he was really wet (we just closed mouthed kissed and rubbed each other and then simulated sex with each other but with clothes on), and I believe at one point he adjusted himself in his pants. My concern is that if his hands had precum on them from adjusting himself, and then he massaged me including on my pimple that was ready to be popped or on teh chest pimple that was not ready to be popped, is that a portal(s) for hiv to enter my body.

First of all I have merged your threads. It's a rule of the site to always put all entries in this same threads and to not start new ones for each question.

Once again you are worrying needlessly. He could have been dripping fresh cum all over your front and back and it wouldn't have been a risk. HIV is a fragile virus and sexually is transmitted only through unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. As long as you consistently use condoms for those activities you will be effectively protected.

There is no cause for concern this time nor any need for testing. Period.

Did not anticipate this situation. I am now freaked out. Hoping you can shed some light.

I received a massage. It turned a bit sexual. He ended up masturbating me. My concern is that when he orgasmed he had his hand out to catch his fluids but a small amount flew over his hand and it landed on my stomach area and i do not know exactly where. I jumoed in eth shower a couple of minutes later and soaped up and washed off. Then, I looked at the area and i had three tiny little pimples 91 visisble, two nearly not visible) that were not bleeding or opened but were there with what looked like either heads or developing heads on them. While he said he treated every client as if they were negative, practices very safe sex and is negative, I know you can not always believe people. So, if his fluids got on any one or all of these teeny tiny pimples, is that a risk for hiv infection?

Again, I am sorry if this is the start of a new thread. I just was not sure what to do to avoid that.

As you have been asked before, keep all entries in this same thread. Once again your entries are all merged here.

You are again worrying needlessly. The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. That's it. Use condoms for those acitivities everytime and you will be well protected against HIV.

You're fairly new to sexual activity with men. Along with being exciting that can also be anxiety provoking. Perhaps you would benefit from talking with a professional like a therapist to sort out your feelings a bit. You are worrying unnecessarily about HIV again.

All you have to do is to protect by using condoms for intercourse. The activities you are worried about are not risks for HIV transmission. Period.

Hello everyone, and thanks in advance for your support. Here is my situation.

I met another guy, we went on a date and ended up open mouth kissing for a while and doing frottage though I had my pants on. He brushed his teeth just before we started to kiss. I thought nothing of it and did not ask him his status because I was not going to have sex with him and thought it would be invasive to ask given my expectations. I did not have any sort of sex with him outside of kissing I barely touched his penis for a few seconds. After we kissed for a while and then fell asleep, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I noticed in his bathroom on the sink a prescription with a name I did not understand. I looked it up when I got home and it is a herpes medication that hiv positive folks use, famvir. It scared me after learning this because my concern is that while I did not have any open wounds in my mouth, he had just brushed his teeth, and what if he has gingivitis and bled into my mouth. I did not taste any blood or see any blood. Would this sceanrio if he were positive create a risk of infection opportunity for me? Would the blood have to be visible and something that I could taste for it to be a risk?

I am really sorry that you have been given obsolete and incorrect HIV transmission information.

You DO NOT - repeat - DO NOT - get HIV from kissing. Open mouthed, chapped lips, whatever details you want to throw at it. You DO NOT. Saliva is NOT an infectious fluid - moreover, it contains over a DOZEN different elements that neutralize HIV and render it unable to infect (I added that last in case you had queries about blood in mouth/flossing and whatnot).

Kissing is fine. Kissing an HIV infected person is fine.

Use a condom for penetrative sex and don't share IV drug needles and you will avoid HIV.

Yes, it really is that simple.

*edited to add:

A) PLEASE keep all your posts in the same thread.

B) You have asked an almost IDENTICAL QUESTION already. This leads me to believe that you might harbor an irrational fear of HIV that science (and this forum) cannot address.

« Last Edit: January 30, 2012, 02:08:46 AM by jkinatl2 »

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

I've merged your threads here. In the future please follow our rule and write only in this same thread. Do not start new threads. Thanks for your cooperation.

Once again you are worrying needlessly. Even if the fellow you were with has herpes that would not put you at risk for HIV in the incident you are currently concerned about. The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. That's it. Anything else is only theoretically a risk. But in the real world of HIV we know risk is about intercourse without condoms.

I got news for you, there are far more hiv negative people who have herpes than there are hiv positive people who have herpes. Up to 80% of the general population has herpes. This guy is being responsible by taking a prophylactic (preventative) med for herpes, as people who do this are far less likely to pass their herpes on to another person.

Another news flash - rubbing bodies together while wearing clothing does not qualify as frottage. It's just dry-humping and you're not going to get anything from dry-humping other than wet undies. And as JK explained to you in great detail, kissing isn't a risk for hiv either.

A third news flash - and perhaps the most important - asking someone about their hiv status is NOT a good way to protect yourself. I repeat - ASKING SOMEONE ABOUT THEIR HIV STATUS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF!!! Some people will lie to you (shock horror) but most people do not accurately know their hiv status - they only assume (or hope) they are hiv negative.

You need to assume ANYONE you have a sexual encounter with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly by using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse. That's all you need to do and yes, it really is that simple!!!

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I have written questions before, lost my sign on credentials, got new ones and here I am. So, I am not sure how to not start a new thread so please do not be upsate with me.

Here is my situation. I was with another guy that I have been dating. We had the safe sex talk, assured me he was neagtive, told me he got tested a few months ago and was negative and is getting tested this week. I know based on my oractices and very recent test results that I am neagtive. Late Saturday evening we had oral sex (I tasted precum I belive) and analinguis. He did not orgasm. About 2.5 to 2.75 days later, I now have fatigue, slight muscle aches and a fever that ranges from 99.5 - 99.9. I do not have any other symptoms. Can you tell me if this was a risk and are these symptoms and their timing indicative of recent hiv infection. Please help me out with this.

Your questions will not be addressed until you return to your original thread.

Logged

"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Once again, I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

You have (once again) not had a risk for hiv infection. Sexually speaking, the only true risks are unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You did not have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I was with another guy in a hot steamroom. I asked him if was negative and he said he was negative. We made out (no problem), mutually masturbated (no problem except he was wet and I had a healing hangnail), he performed oral sex on me for less than 10 seconds (stopped it because it did not feel right and no documented cases of HIV transmitted this way and no sore or wound on my penis -I feel safe with this), then he tried to slip one of his fingers into my anus. When I felt him there I immediately moved away. I do not know if he got inside at all. I just felt a bit of pressure and moved back and told him to stop. If he did get inside it was very shallow. My concern is two fold:

() I do not know if he had any of his own fluids on his finger (he did not orgasm but was wet). Does that make a difference?

() I have hemmorhoids and do bleed a tiny bit when I go to the bathroom. They feel ike they are just on the inside of the entry of my anus but not sure. So, does this increase the riskiness of the situation? IE, exposure to sores/blood when finger in anus in region of hemmorhoids potentially?

In addition to the above, can you give me your overall risk assessment and testing recommendations, please?

◾Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Additional threads will be merged.

◾If you cannot find your thread, click on the "Show own posts" link in the left-hand column of any forum page, under your name.

I was with another guy in a hot steamroom. I asked him if was negative and he said he was negative. We made out (no problem), mutually masturbated (no problem except he was wet and I had a healing hangnail), he performed oral sex on me for less than 10 seconds (stopped it because it did not feel right and no documented cases of HIV transmitted this way and no sore or wound on my penis -I feel safe with this), then he tried to slip one of his fingers into my anus. When I felt him there I immediately moved away. I do not know if he got inside at all. I just felt a bit of pressure and moved back and told him to stop. If he did get inside it was very shallow. My concern is two fold:

() I do not know if he had any of his own fluids on his finger (he did not orgasm but was wet). Does that make a difference?

() I have hemmorhoids and do bleed a tiny bit when I go to the bathroom. They feel ike they are just on the inside of the entry of my anus but not sure. So, does this increase the riskiness of the situation? IE, exposure to sores/blood when finger in anus in region of hemmorhoids potentially?

In addition to the above, can you give me your overall risk assessment and testing recommendations, please?

Your threads are merged here and all of your entries are together. This is the only thread which you should be using. Please follow our rule in the future and keep your entries here.

Once again as in the past you are worrying needlessly. Nothing you are reporting currently would have put you at risk for HIV. In terms of sexual risk for HIV it's really quite simple to follow: only unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse are confirmed risks for transmitting HIV. Nothing else.

There is no need for further concern on your part about HIV nor any need for testing.

Get on with your life. Other STDs are much easier to acquire so if you are sexually active we recommend that at least once a year you have a full STD panel done.