Stephen Colbert began Monday's monologue by joking that unlike the federal government, he was ending his (holiday) shutdown of The Late Show. He recapped how we got to Day 17 of the government shutdown, starting with President Trump being goaded by Fox News and Rush Limbaugh into refusing to sign bipartisan legislation he'd said he would sign. "So Trump shut down the federal government, citing Federalist Paper 58 — and I'm paraphrasing: Bawk-bawk-bawk-begawk," he said. Colbert had some fun pointing out that despite Trump's claims, no living ex-president told him to build a wall and former President Obama did not build one around his house.

Colbert also rolled his eyes at Trump's coming prime-time address on his so-called national emergency, and at the president's bizarre appropriations of Game of Thrones memes. Still, "I can understand why Trump loves that Game of Thrones wall," he said, "because the only walkers who got through were white."

The wall is "just one of the lead characters in Game of Thrones, it's also President Trump's most famous campaign promise," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. And if he couldn't fund it when Republicans controlled Congress, that won't change with Democrats running the House. "I bet Trump is just hoping that if it goes on long enough, America can't afford to have another election and then he can just keep on being president," Noah suggested. He tried to lift everyone's spirits by making Michael Kosta dress up as a panda, briefly.

This is the third time Trump has failed in the basic task of keeping the government running, Seth Meyers reminded everyone on Late Night. "In real life, you don't get rehired after that," he added, comparing Trump to "a stoner working at a pizza place" who forgot to unlock the front door — again. He showed and annotated several of Trump's "incompetent and unhinged" statements on border security, plus things like Russian-Afghanistan history. You can watch that, plus Meyers falling into the "Steve" trap he mocked Trump over, below. Peter Weber

White House counselor Kellyanne Conway would very much like everyone to stop paying so much attention to her husband's tweets calling her boss, President Trump, mentally unstable.

Conway spoke with Fox Business on Thursday after Trump went after her husband, George Conway, as a "stone cold loser," "husband from hell," and a "whack job." It's "unusual" and "new" for her husband not to support "the agenda of the president and my work there," she said, also saying it's "surprising" to see "grievances" aired in public. Still, "I appreciate the president defending what he thinks is unfairness," she said, later saying that Trump is "protective" of her and has "never" made her feel like she has to "choose between my marriage and my job."

She went on to say that she has "certainly" had "conversations" with her husband about not wanting him to tweet attacks on her boss, but she argued the media is "getting into a very dangerous area" by covering this story, in particular going after what she called "self-designated marriage experts." She also suggested her husband's tweets aren't really that important since he can't "act on" them and that reporters only care about him because of their marriage. "I don't know when the feminists are going to write the story about the unusual situation about a man getting power through his wife, but that's what we have here," she said.

Later, Conway said her husband "certainly" wants her to step down, but asked, "what message would that send to the feminists everywhere who pretend they're independent thinkers, and men don't make decisions for them? They can talk it, and I can walk it. I can live it." Brendan Morrow

You don't have to be baseball fan to catch some feelings from this goodbye.

On Thursday, MLB legend Ichiro Suzuki finished up a 29-year career on an indisputably high note. Sure, the 45-year-old outfielder and his Seattle Mariners earned a 5-4 win over the Oakland Athletics in Tokyo's Japan Opening Series. But the reaction from the 45,000-person crowd and Ichiro's teammates after he was pulled from the game during its eighth inning was far more historic.

Ichiro spent more than a decade with the Mariners before gracing a few more MLB teams and then returning to Seattle in 2018. He took a front office position last May, but came back to the field Wednesday for the first Mariners game of the season and appeared again on Thursday. It seemed pretty clear that Ichiro intended to play the last games of his career in his home country of Japan, and he made his retirement official after Thursday's game.

While Ichiro didn't earn any runs on Thursday, he leaves behind a career marked by 3,089 hits in the MLB. Combined with his 1,278 hits as a professional in Japan, Ichiro holds the record for the most professional hits of all time. Watch more of Ichiro's final on-field moments below. Kathryn Krawczyk

Words can't describe the scene at the Tokyo Dome over 30 minutes after tonight's game ended.

The ferry was carrying more than 80 people celebrating the Kurdish new year when it sank due to a technical problem near Mosul on Thursday, a civil defense official tells The Associated Press. Those dead include 33 women, 12 children, and 10 men, an Iraqi health ministry spokesman added. At least 30 people had been rescued but search operations are ongoing.

The river had seen high, fast-moving waters recently after the nearby Mosul dam was opened, BBC notes. Water authorities told boat operators to stay off the river, meaning there weren't many boats around to aid the sinking vessel. Many of those onboard were women and children who could not swim, the civil defense official told AP.

Some sources have said there could've been up to 200 people onboard the ferry as it traveled to a tourist island, per Al Jazeera. Photos and videos showing people floating in the water appeared on social media following the incident. Kathryn Krawczyk

Republicans estimate President Trump needs $1 billion to win in 2020 — and that he needs some unlikely donors to make that happen.

With several Democrats' fundraising totals already leaping into the tens of millions, the GOP knows it needs its wealthy party members who fought Trump in 2016 to change allegiances this time around. And to make that happen, Vice President Mike Pence — the less abrasive of America's executive duo — is taking to the golf course, Politico reports.

On Monday, Pence spoke to several big-dollar GOP donors, including billionaire investor Paul Singer, at a surf and turf dinner at California's Pebble Beach golf course. Singer donated millions to an anti-Trump PAC in 2016, but that wasn't apparent from the way Pence "thanked him for his years of financial support to the party and conservative causes" on Monday, Politico says. Pence also brought Singer to the White House to share "detailed briefings on the administration's legislative agenda," Politico continues, perhaps because Singer did reportedly end up giving $1 million to Trump's inauguration committee.

The Pebble Beach dinner was just one example of how Pence can "translate Trump" into a language conservatives want to hear, says David McIntosh, who heads a former anti-Trump group that's more anti-Beto O'Rourke this time around. Still, Pence's dinner party didn't completely convince 2016 anti-Trumper Art Pope to donate to Trump in 2020. He may "remain on the sidelines" this time instead of publicly opposing Trump, though, and he expects more former anti-Trumpers to do the same, Politico notes.

President Trump's relentless attacks on the late Sen. John McCain aren't earning him much approval over on Fox News.

Fox & Friends' Brian Kilmeade on Thursday expressed bewilderment at Trump "inexplicably" spending several minutes going after McCain during a recent speech, saying he "swamped his own message" by doing so and that this "makes absolutely no sense" because "number one, John McCain passed away six months ago," per Mediaite. Kilmeade went on to say that although Trump had a rivalry with McCain, other presidents had disagreements with the late senator, too.

Kilmeade wasn't alone, with Fox's Shepard Smith on Wednesday looking downright baffled while covering Trump's latest comments, saying that the president could talk about the great economy but instead is "fighting with a dead guy again today, a dead war hero," also calling the situation "crazy," per The Hill. Analyst Andrew Napolitano couldn't explain it any better than Smith, saying, "there’s no logical reason to make these arguments after he's dead." Previously, host Neil Cavuto suggested per Mediaitethat Trump is "risking losing a second term if he keeps doing this."

Democratic presidential candidate John Hickenlooper was asked on Wednesday whether he would pick a woman as his running mate should he win his party's nomination, a question that has been posed to many candidates in the race. But his answer was certainly unique.

The former Colorado participated in a CNN town hall on Wednesday, during which Dana Bash asked this question about potentially picking a woman for vice president. Numerous candidates in the race have pledged to do so in recent weeks in order to ensure there is gender diversity on the ticket and pave the way for the first female vice president, with former congressman Beto O'Rourke and Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) suggesting they'll do so.

At first, Hickenlooper just answered, "Of course." But then, he decided to add, "How come we're not asking more often the women, 'Would you be willing to put a man on the ticket?'" Hickenlooper's zinger didn't seem to get the response he was hoping for, drawing a single laugh followed by an awkward silence and then a scattering of applause as Bash transitioned into a commercial break.

After the event, Hickenlooper tried to clarify by saying he was only making a point about how "too often media discounts the chance of a woman winning," per CNN's Dan Merica. He added, "That is what I am talking about. People can take it out of context." Bash on Thursday said that she understood what Hickenlooper meant but that the comment "obviously didn't come out the way he intended" even though he was trying to "sound woke." Watch the moment below. Brendan Morrow

The death toll from Cyclone Idai continued to rise in southern Africa on Wednesday, with more than 200 people confirmed dead in Mozambique and at least 100 more victims in neighboring Zimbabwe, The Associated Press reports. Floodwaters were forecast to continue to rise on Thursday, with more torrential rains expected.

"Floodwaters are predicted to rise significantly in the coming days and 350,000 people are at risk," the United Nations humanitarian office said. Aid groups have been struggling to rescue survivors, some awaiting help on rooftops. Entire villages have been destroyed. "There is death all over," said a survivor, Amos Makunduwa, who carried his remaining possessions in a bag. Harold Maass