Eight-year-old black boy: Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall. Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall.Mom: I told you to stop that!Eight-year-old black boy, three minutes later: Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall. Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall.

Guy #1: Have you done the naked yoga thing?Guy #2: No, not yet.Girl: I have to imagine that’s a little dangerous for a guy.Guy #1: No, it’s okay. The cock pretty much knows where to go.Girl: Not in my experience.

Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.

Dude #1: So, the other night I killed a mouse by rolling over on it in my sleep.Dude #2: How did you know you killed it? Did you feel it or just wake up and find it there?Dude #1: Yeah, when I woke up in the morning I looked over and was like, ‘Oh, a mouse,’ and then I took a picture.