Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 15
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Liar, Liar, Pants on fire!
Miami lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during arson trial
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high
ranking Roman Senators. Thw Oracle had told him to watch it
on the "Ides of March."
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.
--- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972)
Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
--- Francis Bacon
Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the
truth about other people.
--- Philip Guedalla
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An Army major, was conducting a field test when
communications went dead, just when headquarters
initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a
jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the
command station.
When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group
cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then
stepped forward and shook the major's hand.
"Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he
pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the
sergeant.
"Congratulations," he deadpanned without so much as a smirk.
"The major's wife just had a baby girl."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was
the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender
asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles
with your wife?"
The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that
she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
The bartender said, "That should make you happy!"
The man said, "It did.
Unfortunately, the month is up today!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Stephen Gutierrez, 28, the lawyer
Claudy Charles, 48, the arsonist
Miami,
Florida
Liar, Liar, Pants on fire!
Miami lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during arson trial
A Miami defense lawyer’s pants burst into flames Wednesday
afternoon as he began his closing arguments in front of a
jury — in an arson case.
Stephen Gutierrez, who was arguing that his client’s car
spontaneously combusted and was not intentionally set on
fire, had been fiddling in his pocket as he was about to
address jurors when smoke began billowing out his right
pocket, witnesses told the Miami Herald.
He rushed out of the Miami courtroom, leaving spectators
stunned. After jurors were ushered out, Gutierrez returned
unharmed, with a singed pocket, and insisted it wasn’t a
staged defense demonstration gone wrong, observers said.
Instead, Gutierrez blamed a faulty battery in an e-
cigarette, witnesses told the Miami Herald.
“It was surreal,” one observer told the Miami Herald.
Repeated calls to Gutierrez’s cellphone went unanswered.
Miami-Dade police and prosecutors are now investigating the
episode. Officers seized several frayed e-cigarette
batteries as evidence.
“A lot of people could have been hurt,” another observer in
court told the Miami Herald.
Gutierrez was representing Claudy Charles, 48, who is
accused of intentionally setting his car on fire in South
Miami-Dade. He had just started his closing arguments when
the fire broke out. Jurors convicted Charles anyway of
second-degree arson.
Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Michael Hanzman, in the coming
days, could decide to hold Gutierrez in contempt of court.
The 28-year-old lawyer graduated from Florida International
University’s law school in 2015.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Randy
Re: Control automatically starting programs
Dear Webby
I have way too many things starting up automatically
and running in the background. How do I control what
starts up automatically and what I have to start manually
if and when I need it?
Thanks
Randy
/i>
Dear Randy
The best way to prevent a program from running at Startup,
is to check the program's own options for a way to prevent
this. Most good quality programs will provide an option for
this.
If you can't find the option there, click Start, Run and
type
MSCONFIG
Go to the Startup tab, and uncheck the item there. This
method is not always 100% successful. An example is a
program that you do use, but you don't want running
automatically. Some programs will check to see if the
program's own options say it should run at Startup. If the
program thinks its supposed to load at startup, it will
re-create the autorun entry.
While MSCONFIG works, it's typical Microsoft. The
information it gives you is maybe understandable to some
Windows programmers, but is just a bunch of weird words
for most people. A rainy weekend spent on google will
help you make a list of what each of those weird things do.
THEN you can make an informed decision about what is safe
to disable.
An alternative is to use the tools in Spybot-Search&Destroy
from the right side menu. It is not only a lot more
descriptive about the programs, but it won't let you disable
anything that is required to be running.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was
concerned that his students might be a little confused
about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season
emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they
understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real.
He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out,
"I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher,
and waited for a response. The teacher was
completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny
how he knew this.
Little Johnny said, "Well . . . every morning, my father
gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells,
"Jesus Christ! Are you still in there?!"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comApple Pie for Pi Day
By Jackie H. [227 Posts, 107 Comments]Pi Day (3/14) is an
annual celebration of the mathematical constant Pi
(3.14159...)
Ingredients:
1 3 lb. bag apples, peeled, cored, sliced thin
1 bottom pie crust
1 roll pie crust, for top crust
2 Tbsp flour
1 Tbsp cinnamon
dash of salt
1/4 cup sugar
2 Tbsp butter, cut into small cubes
1 egg beaten (for egg wash)
Steps:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Peel all apples, cut into quarters, core, then slice in thin
slices.
Put all slices in a bowl. Add sugar, cinnamon, flour, dash
of salt
Mix well with a large spoon, mixing the apples so they get
well coated.
Add the cubes of butter and fold into the apples
Take your bottom crust, fill it well over the brim with
apples, Build a mountain of apples in the middle.
Using your clean hands, press the apples down to fill in any
empty areas. Round off this mountain of apples.
Using the roll out type of top crust, flour the surface,
peel the crust out. Using a rolling pin, flour the rolling
pin. Roll out just a little bigger.
Carefully lie the pie crust over the apples evenly.
Pinch the top crust with the bottom crust.
Make 4 double slits in the center of the pie.
Beat one egg. Using clean hands, scoop up some egg and rub
it over the top and sides of the pie. This makes the pie
shiny and golden brown.
Cut aluminum foil in long thin strips. Put the foil around
the edges of the crust until the last 10 minutes of baking.
Remove and continue baking.
Bake for 35 minutes or until it is golden brown and bubbly.
Cook the pie on a baking sheet!

Swan Lake - not what you think

____________________________________________________
Secretary: "My printer is flashing '''Error 13 Paper Out"
Buzzy: "Check to see if there is paper in the machine"
Secretary: "Already did, no - there is no paper in the
machine"
Buzzy: "Try filling the paper bin, see if that fixes the
'error''."
Secretary: "Hold on.... Yes that fixed it, but every time
it runs out of paper I get the error again."
Buzzy: "Hmmmm, I'll have to research that problem. Might
be best if you drop the printer off at my office. By the
way, the thermostat here does not work. Don`t wear more than
your underwear when you come up here."
___________________________________________________

WOW!

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jet abruptly stopped, turned
around and returned to the gate. After an hour long
wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
she explained. "It's OK now. It just took a while to find a
pilot who is deaf."

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 15
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high
ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of
March."
1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed
between Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI.
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first
New World voyage.
1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse
sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage
around the world.
1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford
Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General
Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of
4,400.
1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near
the city of Gallatin, TN.
1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach
Alexandria, LA.
1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John
McCloskey, was named the first American cardinal.
1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England
was played in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs.
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting
machine.
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It
was the first escalator.
1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement
between Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the
Anglo-German accord of October 1900.
1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to
work after a weeklong strike.
1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000
square miles were now controlled by the U.K.
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese
shelled Port Arthur in Korea.
1907 In Finland, women won their first seats in the Finnish
Parliament. They took their seats on May 23.
1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans.
1910 Otto Kahn offered $500,000 for a family portrait by
Dutch artist Frans Hals. Kahn had outbid J.P. Morgan for the
work.
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under
General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit
Pancho Villa. The mission failed.
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son.
His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar.
1919 The American Legion was founded in Paris.
1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the
country gained nominal independence from Britain.
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage.
1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned
four Berlin newspapers.
1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood
for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook
County Hospital.
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia.
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of
Czechoslovakia.
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing.
1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence
after agreement on a constitution.
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four
years after the end of World War II.
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more
troops for the fight in Vietnam.
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil
industry.
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile.
1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo
Coral Reef Preserve.
1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were
married.
1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling
gold.
1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long state
of siege and suspended the nation's constitution for one
day. This came a day after anti-government rebels destroyed
two bridges near the Honduran border.
1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end
with the installation of a civilian government.
1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to
impound all fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-
tainted grapes were found in Philadelphia, PA.
1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged
for spying.
1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive
president of the Soviet Union.
1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public.
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's
declaration of independence was invalid and that Soviet law
was still in force in the Baltic republic.
1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the
beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California)
1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a
week of anit-communist protests.
1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on
nuclear testing until September of 1995.
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed.
1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia
to demand independence for Kosovo.
2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life
sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of
Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988.
2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger.
The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold
nationally by a fast food chain.
2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for
drowning her five children on June 20, 2001.
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the
Associated Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year
pledge not to use nuclear arms against states that don't
have them.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 14
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Sweating dope mule arrested in Marathon, Florida
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom
to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
--- Alfred E. Newman
Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother
before his sister does.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two church members were going door to door,
and knocked on the door of a woman who was
not happy to see them. She told them in no
uncertain terms that she did not want to hear
their message and slammed the door in their
faces. To her surprise, however, the door did
not close and, in fact, bounced back open.
She tried again, really put her back into it,
and slammed the door again with the same result
- the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking
their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a
slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of
them yelled, "Ma'am, it looks like you knocked out
your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep
doing that, you are going to get some very expensive
vet bills!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Ross for this one:
A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a
supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her
long-suffering husband for marital support.
The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so
the judge told her that, considering her record, he was
forced to impose a jail term.
"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose
that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"
The woman agreed.
"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."
The husband jumped to his feet , addressing the judge,
"Your honor, may I approach the bench?"
"Well," said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but
I will make an exception in this case. You may approach
the bench."
The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning
forward, he said in a low voice,
"She also stole a can of peas, your honor."
______________________________________________________
Cardinal-Gynandromorph
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Tyler Doidge,
21,
Cape Coral,
Florida
Sweating dope mule arrested in Marathon, Florida
A Cape Coral man told police he was delivering drugs to
friends in Key West in exchange for a free vacation before
being pulled over for speeding in Marathon Tuesday.
Tyler Doidge, 21, was stopped just before 8 p.m. for going
almost twice the speed limit near mile marker 48, according
to the arrest report from Monroe County Sheriff’s Office
Deputy Matthew Cory.
Doidge told Cory he was aware of warning signs that the 35
mph limit is strictly enforced in the area and was on his
way to Key West for vacation. After Cory smelled marijuana
and told Doidge he was going to search the 2008 Buick
Lacrosse, he noted in the report Doidge began to develop
beads of sweat on his forehead.
“This is not normal behavior since the outside temperature
[was] near 75 degrees. I have a protective vest and long
pants on and I was not sweating,” Cory wrote. “Doidge was
wearing a tank top and shorts. On the same evening I
conducted three other traffic stops and none of those
drivers appeared to be sweating.”
During the search, Cory wrote he found a black backpack with
84.5 grams (about 3 ounces) of marijuana in plastic bags.
Underneath the divider between the trunk bottom and the
spare tire was a glass jar inside of which were 318 ecstasy
pills with smiley faces stamped on both sides.
Doige said his friends forgot the drugs on the mainland and
in exchange for the delivery, they’d pay for his entire
trip. He also told Cory he’d smoked some of the marijuana
before the drive.
“When asked to rate it from 1 to 10, he advised that it was
an 8,” Cory wrote of the pot’s quality. “He advised that
this cannabis was usually sold for around $200 an ounce.”
Doige was arrested for possession of marijuana with intent
to sell, possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana,
possession of 10 grams or more of phenethylamines (ecstasy),
and use of paraphernalia to transport drugs, all felonies.
He was also ticketed for speeding. Doige was transported to
the jail in Marathon without bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Iris
Re: Restore Recycle bin icon
Dear Webby
My ex klutzed around on my computer, supposedly
un-installing some of his programs, and since then the
recycle bin icon is gone. While it's easy enough to
delete stuff with the delete key, the odd time I need
to restore a mistakenly deleted file. For that I need
access to the recycle bin.
Anybody around here whom I asked, said to just
re-install Windows and that would fix it. Isn't there
a better way ?
Thanks
Iris
/i>
Dear Iris
In Windows 7 and 8
Go to Control Panel \ Personalize (or right-click on the
desktop and select Personalize), and then choose the link
for “Change Desktop Icons” on the left-hand side.
Now you can chose the icons you want back on the desktop by
checking the box next to the name:
Click the Apply button, and you should see the icon show up
on the desktop immediately.
Just to be a nuisancee, it is slightly different in W10:
First, right-click on the desktop and choose Personalize.
Now select Themes on the left-hand menu, and then once you
are there, you can select Desktop icon settings under the
“Related Settings” section.
And now you can click the checkboxes for the icons that you
want back.
You should see the icons show up as soon as you click Apply.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Cats view of God
-On the first day of creation God created the cat.
-On the second day God created man to serve the cat.
-On the third day God created all the animals of earth to
serve as potential food for the cat.
-On the fourth day God created honest toil so man could
labor for the good of the cat.
-On the fifth day God created the sparkle ball so the cat
might or might not play with it.
-On the sixth day God created veterinary science to keep
the cat healthy and man broke.
-On the seventh day God tried to rest, but he had to scoop
the litterbox.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comMaking a Popsicle Stick Toy Harmonica
By ShirleyE [143 Posts, 100 Comments]
Just 2 sticks and a bit of plastic makes this fun toy. It's
not the most tuneful of musical instruments. In fact it only
plays one squeaky little note, but for youngish children
it's a lot of fun.
Supplies:
3 wooden lolly/Popsicle sticks
2 small hair elastics or loom bands
small piece of cellophane
scissors
Optional sticky backed decorations
Steps:
Snip a little off the end of one of the sticks.
It will probably splinter into smaller pieces, but that's
OK.
Take a small piece of cellophane packaging and cut it to fit
the length of a stick.
Lay it on top of one of the sticks.
Place a piece of the splintered wood on top of the
cellophane at each end.
Lay the last wooden stick on top.
Secure each end with an elastic band.
Decorate with sticky back jewels if you like.
Put it to your mouth and blow through the gap between the
sticks. The cellophane will vibrate and make a noise

Die Maiers Comedy Trapeze

____________________________________________________
Joe's wife had a sex change...
Now it's Wednesday's and Saturday's
instead of Tuesday's and Friday's.
___________________________________________________

Well, this is different.

There are several men in the locker room of a private club
after exercising.
Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings.
A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw
a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!!
Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership
and saw the 2017 models.
I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he
gave me a really good price ... and since we need to
exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $76,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank
account.... and I stopped by the real estate agent this
morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year.
It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English
Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $850,000... a magnificent price, and I see that
we have that much in the bank to cover the downpayment..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $820,000.
OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises
his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those
present....:
"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 14
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to
Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty.
1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay
Colony.
1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria
and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality.
1743 First American town meeting was held at Boston's
Faneuil Hall.
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing
squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty.
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin.
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in
East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza.
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the
bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first
telephone links across the Channel.
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the
ratification of the Gold Standard Act.
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered
Mendel's laws of heredity.
1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would
have relaxed restrictions on polygamy.
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that
guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama.
The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. A deal was signed
on November 6, 1903 with the newly independent Panama.
1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim
that the Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger
between the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railway
companies.
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until
after their war.
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete
with Germany in naval strength.
1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake.
1912 An anarchist named Antonio Dalba unsuccessfully
attempted to kill Italy's King Victor Emmanuel III in Rome.
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method
to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a
car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes.
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off
the Chilean coast.
1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace
treaty with the Central Powers.
1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to
file an income tax report.
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company,
committed suicide.
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's
only judge is God and itself.
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia
declared its independence.
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first
U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office.
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was
dropped by the Royal Air Force Dumbuster Squad on the
Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used
during World War II.
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the
Philippines.
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in
the U.S.S.R.
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during
the Korean War.
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the
Batista government of Cuba.
1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of
Lee Harvey Oswald.
1967 John F. Kennedy's body was moved from a temporary grave
to a permanent one.
1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and
Cooperation with the Soviet Union.
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The
PLO bases were hit.
1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans
were married or would get married.
1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a
Trident aircraft crashed into a factory.
1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency
landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S.
boxing team was aboard the plane.
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria
after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54
Pakistani prisoners.
1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first
time in its 23-year history.
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under
President George H.W. Bush.
1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their
alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a
court agreed that the police fabricated evidence.
1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco
resigned after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money
from drug traffickers.
1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first
American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket.
1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for
an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root
out Islamic militants.
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern
Iran.
2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a
Libyan intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am
Flight 103. A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel
Basset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane
over Lockerbie, Scotland.
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million
bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny
Lee Bakley.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 13
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
A Florida man is arrested after trying to kill his boss
after he was fired from his job.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 13 in
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
I think it is good that books still exist,
but they do make me sleepy.
--- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't
ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new
son-in-law.
"I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the
family," said the man. "To show you how much we care
for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business.
All you have to do is go to the factory every day and
learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories.
I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll
work in the office and take charge of some of the
operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-on-law.
"I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law.
"I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking
organization, but you don't like factories and won't
work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
One night father was helping with the
homework.
Father asked "What is the Gross National Product?"
pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?
Broccoli?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Irelio Reyes Osorio,
52,
Hialeah,
Florida
A Florida man is arrested after trying to kill his boss
after he was fired from his job.
Irelio Reyes Osorio, 52, of Hialeah, was arrested on Tuesday
for attempted first-degree murder, KTRK reported.
Hialeah Police released video footage of the suspect
allegedly trying to run over the victim with his car.
Authorities say Osorio was fired from his job at an AC
repair company for allegedly showing up to work intoxicated,
NBC Miami reports.
Days after his termination, “Osorio was angry at his former
supervisor for firing him and was demanding to be paid for
the two days he worked before he was fired,” according to a
police report.
“Police said Osorio sent the man numerous text messages,
threatening to use a gun, machete or knife on him if he
didn’t get paid,” KTRK reported.
“Police said the man agreed to meet Osorio at a cafeteria”
out of fear. When they met up, police said Osorio was armed
with a knife and attacked the victim.
The victim suffered cuts to his chest and arm while trying
to escape. He threw a rock at the suspect, “knocking the
knife out of his hand.” Both men then returned to their
vehicles.
“Surveillance video shows Osorio’s pickup truck slamming
into the man’s work van” in an attempt to run him over. At
one point, Osorio pinned the victim against a chain link
fence.
The victim was taken to a local hospital with stab wounds
and bruises.
Police say the suspect admitted to attacking and hitting the
victim with his truck when he was arrested.
Osorio is being held without bond at the Turner Guilford
Knight Correctional Center, WPLG reported.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ann
Re: Strip >>> from emails
Dear Webby
I had to get this @#$%^%$# reformatted and the techy
didn't reinstall that wonderful program I got from you for
cleaning up emails before I send them on.(as in getting
rid of the >>>> 's etc., ...and...I can't remember the name
of it or find it on your site.....sheeeesh..maybe I'm
losing it. I had made a cute icon for it, and always used
that instead of looking for it's name.
Anyway would you be so kind as to send me the link so
I can re-install it and not send " dirty" emails on.
Thanks so much..
Ann
/i>
Dear Ann
I think that is StripMail. Try it anyway. It's free.
StripMailhttp://www.snapfiles.com/get/stripmail.html
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious
hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month
to the doctor for a check up.
The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect.
Your family must be really pleased you can
hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't
told my family yet. I just sit around and
listen to the conversations. I've changed
my will five times!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comUse Dawn and Baking Soda to Clean a Smooth Top Range
Here's an easy and eco-friendly method for cleaning a smooth
top range. It removed all but the very worst stains with
minimal effort.
Total Time: 25 minutes
Yield: 1
Supplies:
1 Cups baking soda
2 Tablespoons Dawn
1 towel
1 bowl or bucket
Steps:
Clean any loose debris off of the range top.
Apply baking soda liberally to the top of your stove.
Add a squirt of a dish soap to a bowl of water. About 2
teaspoons of dish soap to 1 gallon of water.
Soak a towel in the soap and water mixture. Remove, leaving
it pretty wet.
Place the towel on top of the baking soda.
Let sit for 20 minutes.
Remove the towel and then dry off the range with a paper
towels.
Enjoy your clean and glistening range! The only stains not
removed are seen in the picture below. Those can be be
removed using a little Cerema Bryte. Cerema Bryte is nice to
have around, but can be expensive for frequent cleaning.

blind man and his angel dance

____________________________________________________
Thanks to Wanda for this story:
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara
opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the
letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the
letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed
stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara,"
on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got
the man's attention and tossed it out the window to
him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled
expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the
street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man
was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went
down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word,
he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you
have coming Sister," he replied.
"Don't Despair paid 80-to-1."
___________________________________________________

Amazing Highlights from Smithsonian’s 14th Annual Photo Contest.

Two storks are on a nest-a father stork and baby stork. The
baby stork is crying and father stork is trying to calm him.
"Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only
bringing people babies and making them happy," he says.
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.
"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now
he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies," the mother
stork says to the crying baby stork.
A few days later, the stork parents are desperate-their son
is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before
dawn, he returns. The parents ask their son where he has
been all night.
The baby stork says, "Awww, just scaring the hell out of
teenagers!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 13
0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope.
0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred.
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico.
1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John
Harvard.
1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the
colony of Virginia.
1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal
to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce
the American army.
1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus.
1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first
"Uncle Sam cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew.
1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be
used as soldiers for the Confederacy.
1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff.
1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S.
1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took
Bloemfontein.
1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from
business and that he would spend the rest of his days giving
away his fortune. His net worth was estimated at $300
million.
1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country
when students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect
the Czar."
1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries
for donations.
1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first
time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston.
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law.
1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force
attack in France.
1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day
Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime.
1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of
evolution.
1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been
discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell
Observatory.
1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had
been declared by President Roosevelt.
1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in
Jerusalem confirming some biblical history.
1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the
signing of a treaty in Moscow.
1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of
the U.S.S.R.
1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman
colonel in the U.S. Army.
1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American
troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville.
1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units
were stationed 20 miles from Tehran.
1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja
Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia.
1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for
the cost of caring for war refugees.
1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the
first time in newspapers across the country.
1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges.
1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit
Peking.
1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the
conclusion of a mission that included the successful testing
of the Lunar Module.
1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave.
1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11
minicomputer.
1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death
penalty.
1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was
lifted.
1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company
innocent of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young
women that had been riding in a Ford Pinto.
1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua.
1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of
the Alaskan oil spill.
1995 The first United Nations World Summit on Social
Development concluded in Copenhagen, Denmark.
2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports
that North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range
ballistic missile.
2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that
scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in
Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, upright-
walking humans that were descending the side of a volcano.
2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica
announced it would discontinue its print edition.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 12
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida tourist flips golf cart while attempting to
run over rooster
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 12 in
1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for
nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory.
2013 His successor told the Mooselimbs to get lost or
go to hell.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Humanity is acquiring all the right technology
for all the wrong reasons.
--- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983)
Sound really does travel slower than light.
The advice parents give to their 18 year olds
doesn't reach them until they're about 40.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was
dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her
comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but
she refused it.
Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering
a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous
Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the
warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the
glass to her lips..
Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew
it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some
wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face
and said, "Don't sell that cow."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie
for the rating it'll carry. The movie is an old remake of a
Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a
scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The
little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which
stops the movie.
The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes,
ma'am?"
"This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those
Jews are being fed to the lions!"
The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews."
"Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again."
A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The
attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?"
She points to the screen. "Those lions over there...
...they're not eating!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Daniel H. Jones,
34,
Cinnaminson,
N.J.
Florida tourist flips golf cart while attempting to
run over rooster
A drunk tourist in the Keys is accused of attempting to
commit a “fowl crime”.
Daniel H. Jones, of Cinnaminson, N.J., had a blood-alcohol
content over three times the legal limit while erratically
driving a golf cart and attempting to run down a rooster in
a Key West neighborhood on March 3, according to FL Keys
News.
He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster,” witness
Vincent Vurro told FL Keys News.
However, Jones, 34, did more damage to himself and his two
passengers when he rolled the cart over and ejecting
everyone from the vehicle.
The rooster jumped onto a sidewalk and avoided injury.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Eve
Re: Answer to Large Font on AOL
Dear Webby
hi saw my webby today and someone needed to change back
their fonts ........on aol?
On aol's toolbar up top go to "Settings" icon and click
it will bring up a page directory for all the aol settings
and browser settings, buddy, wallpaper, etc.
A to Z! Go to T........for Text and Fonts ,
click on that and you can change your font size and color
everything! ok?
Eve
Dear Eve
Thanks for sending the solution !
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A woman was called to serve for jury duty, but asked
to be excused because she didn't believe in capital
punishment and didn't want her personal beliefs to
prevent the trial from running its proper course.
But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and
quiet calm spirit, so he tried to convince her that
she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial!
It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case
against her husband because he gambled away the
$12,000 he had promised to use to remodel their
kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed the woman, "I'll serve. I guess
I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comUse Mismatched Socks for Cleaning
By 15mhhm15 [37 Posts, 58 Comments]
If you have mismatch socks, socks with holes, or the elastic
of your socks is stretched out - you can reuse the socks to
clean around your house and car.
Just slip your hands in the socks and since the socks have
been washed - you can use it as a rag, duster and it is more
effective and cleans a lot faster! I especially love waxing
the car with socks because it applies the wax nicely and it
is easy to maneuver the wax on my car.
Other usages:
- make sock toys
- polish your shoes
- clean the white board
- and many more things you can do

Bathroom etiquette

____________________________________________________
Groan Alert from Vicky!
I hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When I
walked into this latest one, I thought I recognized a
wife of a classmate over in the corner, so I
approached her and extended my hand in greeting,
saying, "You look like Helen Brown."
"Well," the woman snapped back, "You don't look so
great in blue either!"
___________________________________________________

18 common misconceptions.

A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up
an offering for the visiting minister.
Presently it was returned to him...embarrassingly empty.
Slowly the parson inverted the hat and shook it
meaningfully.
From the back came this comment: "With a sermon THAT
long he should be glad he got his hat back!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 12
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. It didn't go over well.
1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony.
1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II
granted land in the New World to his brother James (The Duke
of York).
1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for
the first time in the US.
1789 The U.S. Post Office was established.
1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French
to leave the country.
1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic
telephone system.
1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time.
1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for
nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory.
2013 His successor told the Mooselimbs to get out and/or go
to hell.
1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolli was forced out of
office by continued civil strife.
1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must
yield incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits.
1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations
for Britain.
1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem
the conflict with El Salvador.
1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the
cause of infantile paralysis.
1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original
name was Girl Guides.
1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his
technique for putting sound on motion picture film.
1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that
symbolized his defiance of British rule over India.
1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the
German Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire
banner be flown side by side.
1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of
Nebraska.
1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops marched
into Austria.
1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland.
1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine"
to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism.
1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the
statehood of Hawaii.
1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first
National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a
single season.
1974 "Wonder Woman" debuted on ABC-TV. The show later went
to CBS-TV.
1984 Lebanese President Gemayel opened the second meeting in
five years calling for the end to nine years of war.
1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in
Geneva.
1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60
points against the Atlanta Hawks.
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that
he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his
own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3
million.
1987 "Les Miserables" opened on Broadway.
1989 Prime Minister Sadiq al Mahdi of Sudan formed a new
cabinet to end civil war.
1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art
Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove an
American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit.
1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of
the British Commonwealth.
1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31
major military bases.
1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S.
attorney general.
1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster
was confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy
submarine with a head and neck attached.
1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests.
1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members
of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three
countries were members of the former Warsaw Pact.
2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a
proposed merger worth $15.6 billion.
2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family
nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had
been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter, who had previously
worked at the Smart home.
2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume
reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The
flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four
armed North Korean jets.
2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL,
would be renamed Willis Tower.
2010 In the U.S., Apple began taking pre-orders for the
iPad.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 11
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Iowa bank robbery ends in brief chase, crash, arrest.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 10 in
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.
--- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Pat
Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my
wife and me. He got restless, so my wife handed him a
pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every
time the speaker said the word "and."
After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you
like to listen for a different word?"
"Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Raccoon for this story:
Jane and Gina and Mona died and found themselves standing
before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter
the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.
Jane said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast
and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away.
Gina said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and
exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away.
Mona said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said,
"OK, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides
with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having
Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed
by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans
hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they
buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..."
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good!"
Mona continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the
boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his
shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Dante Rhodes, 40, of Dubuque
Iowa
Iowa bank robbery ends in brief chase, crash, arrest.
A bank robbery in Maquoketa led to a car chase and crash on
Wednesday, March 8.
Dante Rhodes, 40, of Dubuque, was arrested following the
crash.
Maquoketa police say they received a call about a robbery
around 1:45 p.m. from Fidelity Bank on Highway 64. A teller
says the man handed her a note and implied that he had a
gun, but did not show one. Rhodes was able to flee with an
undisclosed amount of cash and took off in a vehicle.
Dubuque police identified Rhodes’ vehicle, but he did not
pull over. Dubuque police say he lost control at the
intersection of Highways 61 and 52S, where he sideswiped a
stopped vehicle. Rhodes continued on and eventually struck
an unmarked patrol car head-on.
Rhodes tried to flee on foot but was Tasered and arrested.
He was treated and released from an area hospital. The
driver of the cars he struck were also treated and released.
Evidence was found in the vehicle linking Rhodes to the bank
robbery, says police. A whole bunch of different charges
will be announced next week.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Lee
Re: Large Font mail
Dear Webby
My grandkids were just here for a week during spring break.
Not only did their departure leave me with lots of chores
to catch up on but also left my computer emails using large
print. I'm sure it was a joke about how old they think
their
Grammy is, but I really don't like it and I don't know how
to change it back. Of course none of them took credit for
this little prank so they obviously can't blow their cover
by telling me how to return it to normal. I even asked the
BIG isp, but of course they haven't had time to get back
to me ??? Can you help?
Thanx, Lee
Dear Lee
I haven't got a clue about how things are done at AOL.
Up here with Eudora, I would click
TOOLS,
OPTIONS,
FONTS
and select medium or small fonts.
Maybe somebody from AOL can send the instructions on
how to do it there, and I'll print them here tomorrow.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Hope for this story:
A Southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance
sermon.
With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the
world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he yelled,
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and
pour it into the river."
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he hollered,
"And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it all
and pour it into the river.
AMEN! "
With the sermon complete, he sat down.
The choir leader stood very cautiously and announced
with a smile, nearly laughing,
"For our closhing sschong, let usch be schinging Hymn #365,
"Shall We Gather at the River?"

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCrescent Pizza Rolls
By tiffanytallent1981 [62 Posts, 29 Comments]
I think it is safe to bet that almost everyone loves pizza!
And if you are looking for a great tasting variation, these
rolls are the perfect choice. They make fabulous appetizers
for events, parties, and reunions. I actually prepare one
package and split them between dinner one night, and lunch
the next day. They are just as good reheated in the
microwave, so nothing has to be wasted if there are
leftovers.
Prep Time: 10
Cook Time: 10-12 minutes
Total Time: 20-25 minutes
Yield: 8
Source: Pinterest
Ingredients:
1 pkg. crescent rolls
24 pieces pepperoni
4 mozzarella string cheese sticks
Marinara, ranch, or other dipping sauce
1 sprinkle garlic powder
1/8 cup grated Parmesan cheese
cooking spray (for some pans)
Steps:
Cut string cheese sticks in half.
Lay out the crescent roll triangles. Add 3-4 slices of
pepperoni to each triangle, slightly overlapping. Place them
along the base of the triangle, going toward the middle.
Add a cheese stick half on top of each set of pepperoni
Preheat oven to 350-375 degrees F. You will bake them at the
temperature given in the crescent roll directions. Every
oven is different and mine works better at 350 F. Use
cooking spray if you feel it is needed. I actually did not
have any with this current batch. The rolls still
practically slid off of my pan!
Fold the crescent corners around the pepperonis and cheese
sticks, leaving no holes. If you have any holes, the cheese
will melt out and burn on the pan.
Sprinkle garlic powder on top of the rolls.
Place in the oven for 5-8 minutes. The darker you want the
bottoms of the rolls, the longer you leave them in the oven.
Take them out and flip each roll over. Place back in the
oven for 4-6 minutes. The time depends on how dark you want
them. I try to leave mine for 6 minutes the first time and
3-4 minutes after they have been flipped.
Take them out of the oven and sprinkle the Parmesan cheese
on top.
Serve with your choice of dipping sauce.
If you prefer traditional Pizza Pockets, turn up a quarter
inch along the edge of the dough, smear Pizza sauce or
Marinara Spaghetti sauce onto the dough, toss small cubed
ham, onion, salami, pepperoni, mushrooms, pineapple,
whatever you want, except chocolate, onto the triangle.
Top with shredded cheese. Squirt or drizzle some more of the
sauce, cover with slices of tomato.
Bake it for 10 minutes.
If you want it to be fast filling, cover it with a dough
triangle and smear pizza sauce on top of that and sprinkle
some Mozzarella on top of that.
Whatever you do, do NOT forget the Pizza sauce (or
spaghetti sauce). It's the baked pizza sauce that gives it
the expected pizza smell and flavor, not the dough.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

What Room Does Fear Have?

____________________________________________________
"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop.
Karin complied, and he wrote her a $45 ticket.
She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always
examined her chequebook, should learn of the incident.
Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub,
"One pullover, $25."
___________________________________________________

Down a secret rabbit hole.

A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue,
brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing
voice, "two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds
of London for $750,000."
There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded
room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet,
nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So vat
did you do with the money?"

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 11
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome.
1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day
according to William Shakespeare.
1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs
(rebels) and the French government.
1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English
towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered.
1791 Samuel Mulliken became the first person to receive more
than one patent from the U.S. Patent Office.
1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to
Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria.
1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian
Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to
lead the Bureau.
1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke,
burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest
to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a
breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi.
1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery,
Alabama, where a new constitution was adopted.
1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied
Fayetteville, NC.
1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted.
1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic
Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation
lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14)
1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the
peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger.
1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal
agreement with Nicaragua.
1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan
purchased Carnegie Steep Corp. The event made Andrew
Carnegie the world's richest man.
1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the
Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey
City, NJ, and New York, NY.
1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated.
1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to
revoke its anti-Japanese legislation.
1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an
anarchist.
1935 The German Air Force became an official department of
the Reich.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the
Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war
supplies to the Allies.
1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the
Soviets pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria.
1946 Pravda exposed Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a
warmonger.
1964 U.S. Senator Carl Hayden broke the record for
continuous service in the U.S. Senate. He had worked 37
years and seven days.
1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in
an effort to end arms smuggling to the South.
1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans.
1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by
getting his 1,000th career goal.
1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the
Soviet Communist Party.
1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional
twin-stick frozen treat for a one-stick model.
1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and
Iraq.
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet
Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from
Communist control.
1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first
democratically elected president since 1973.
1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush
administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia.
1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation
Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection.
1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It
was the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since
1970.
1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant
caused 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of
radioactivity. The incident was the worst in Japan's
history.
2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground
zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of
the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Man who beat murder rap on technicality killed minutes
after leaving jail
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 10 in
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the
Battle of Aegusa off Sicily.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city,
it might be better to change the locks.
--- Doug Larson
Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
--- William Safire (1929 - )
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
went to the store with gramma and on the way
home, was looking at the things she had purchased.
found a package of panty hose and began to
sound out the words "Queen Size", then turned to gramma and
exclaimed,
"Look Grandma, you wear the same size as mom's bed!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the
laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into
the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar
and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she
walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered
down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour
later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.
The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position
in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued
for several weeks.
Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every
afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to
his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch
up on his sleep."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and a Darwin Award has been earned by
Kamari Belmont,
23,
Chicago,
Illinois
Man who beat murder rap on technicality killed minutes
after leaving jail
A Chicago man accused of murder who beat his case when
prosecutors couldn't give him a speedy trial was killed
after leaving Cook County Jail on Monday night, according to
authorities.
Kamari Belmont, 23, was being held on separate murder and
robbery cases stemming from a single night in 2015 in which
he was accused of shooting one man during a robbery who
later died and robbing another man a couple of hours later.
Cook County prosecutors in January dropped murder charges
against Belmont and his co-defendant, Terrance Hogan, 23,
after allowing too much time to elapse under the state's
speedy trial statute without bringing the case to trial,
according to court records and Belmont's attorney. Bail on
Belmont's robbery case was set at $100,000 the same day
charges were dropped.
At 5:30 p.m. Monday, a friend of Belmont's posted $10,000
bond. Belmont was released at 11:12 p.m.
Someone pulled alongside him in a white SUV on California
Avenue a couple of blocks south of Cook County Jail on
Monday night before midnight and started shooting. Belmont
was shot multiple times.
The white SUV crashed, and those inside fled, according to
police. Belmont collapsed in the street trying to flee and
died at the scene.
"Oh, my God, I can't believe it," said Belmont's attorney,
Michael Johnson, who said he has known Belmont's family for
over two decades. He said he'd seen his client recently at
the jail as Belmont's family put together the bail money.
Hogan remains locked up.
"I told him, once he gets out he's got to get out of the
neighborhood," Johnson said. "Unfortunately this isn't the
first time I've seen this."
The man Belmont was accused of killing, Sorrell Marshall,
40, was wounded in a robbery May 1, 2015, and died three
weeks later. But after his death, prosecutors chose to
indict Hogan and Belmont only on attempted murder and armed
robbery charges, according to a motion filed by Hogan's
attorneys last fall and later adopted by Belmont.
It wasn't clear why prosecutors waited so long to file
murder charges or why the two were still indicted for
attempted murder after Marshall died May 23. Marshall's
death, however, was not immediately ruled a homicide by the
Cook County medical examiner's office, which initially
marked the case as pending further investigation.
The two weren't indicted on murder charges until a year
later, but the speedy trial clock had already been ticking
because the new indictment was based on the same set of
facts, the three-page motion said, leaving prosecutors no
choice but to drop the charges.
Marshall had dropped off his girlfriend near her apartment
at 37th and Vincennes that night and had parked when Belmont
and Hogan tried to rob him, according to authorities.
A struggle ensued, and Marshall was shot in the leg and the
groin. He died later in the month.
Belmont was arrested in Canaryville that night after a
second robbery, according to authorities. He and Hogan held
up a man in the South Loop. A woman with him fled and
flagged down a police car that tracked the phone to
Canaryville.
Hogan was accidentally shot during the arrest, but got away
and was arrested after he showed up at Mercy Hospital and
Medical Center seeking treatment for his wound.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Beat
Re: Is a firewall necessary?
Dear Webby
Is a firewall necessary for a computer that is only used
for an hour or so every day?
Beat
Dear Beat
Yes, it is.
They did a test with a thousand brand new computers and
they were attacked on the average within 14 minutes.
If you don't think a good all round protection like
Malwarebytes
that protects you from everything including hijackers and
ransome ware,
is too good for you, then use at least Windows Defender.
Yes, I know, all the experts laugh about it, but it IS
better than nothing at all. Just use a lot of common sense,
be extremely careful when downloading any programs, and if
in doubt, Skype me.
Watch out for "payloads" attached to free programs. They are
only pretending to be neat and nifty helpers, but usually
are just a back-door for trouble.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on
the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
Bob's Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
___________________________________________________

Makes me want to start digging in my backyard!

Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after
work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When
they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife,
gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and
how much he had missed her at work. When it was time
for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking,
kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that
he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife.
Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it
had revived their marriage and things couldn't be
better.
Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he
gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her
that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She
said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little
Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then,
the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And
now, you come home drunk!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 10
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the
Battle of Aegusa off Sicily.
0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy.
1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the
Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain.
1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did
not call it back for 11 years.
1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was
extended to all free men regardless of their religion.
1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He
succeeded Benjamin Franklin.
1792 John Stone patented the pile driver.
1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana
Purchase from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis.
1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the
British.
1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a
combined Allied Army at the battle of Laon.
1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe
Hidalgo, which ended the war with Mexico.
1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to
lift vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders.
1864 Ulysses S. Grant became commander of the Union armies
in the U.S. Civil War.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call
with the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come
here, I want to see you."
1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England.
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first
graduation ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and
killed the night before.
1894 New York Gov. Roswell P. Flower signed the nation's
first dog-licensing law.
1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory
over the British, when they captured British General Methuen
and 200 men.
1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an
earthquake.
1902 U.S. Attorney General Philander Knox announced that a
suit was being brought against Morgan and Harriman's
Northern Securities Company. The suit was enforcement of the
Sherman Antitrust Act. Northern Securities loss in court was
upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court on March 14, 1904.
1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating
machine.
1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship
Karmania was quarantined with six dead from cholera.
1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at
Courrieres.
1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and
Malaya.
1910 Slavery was abolished in China.
1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the
Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty.
1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law
forbidding late-night work for women.
1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to
speak in public.
1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs.
1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain
allowed food to reach France.
1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied
the accusation of spying on Allied troops.
1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000
were killed.
1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of
Germany.
1947 Poland and Czechoslovakia signed a 20-year mutual aid
pact.
1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known
as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars
was convicted of treason and served 12 years in prison.
1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS
Missouri. The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the
enemy position.
1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at
Ashau Valley.
1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest
U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its
headquarters from Paris.
1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the
assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated
the guilty plea and maintained his innocence until his death
in April of 1998.
1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the
voting age to 18.
1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese
town of Ban Me Thout.
1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to
the militants holding American hostages in Tehran.
1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their
continued support of terrorism.
1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as
test-tube and artificial insemination.
1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months
after seizing power in a coup.
1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw
540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region.
1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal
grand jury about the Whitewater controversy.
1995 U.S. Secretary of State Warren Christopher told Yasser
Arafat that he must do more to curb Palestinian terrorists.
1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the
first vaccinations against anthrax.
2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon
informed the U.S. Congress in January that it was making
contingency plans for the possible use of nuclear weapons
against countries that threaten the U.S. with weapons of
mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea.
2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event
was one of several in a patter of unusual military
maneuvers.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 9
Thanks Jim!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Texan jailed in Florida after stealing two vehicles and
a patrol car
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 8 in
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias
Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in
his honor.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a
relief denied even to prayer.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.
--- Robertson Davies
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The proprietor of a successful optical shop was instructing
on how to charge a customer.
"After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said,
"and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$200.'
Then see if he winces."
"If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The
lenses will be another $200.'"
"If he still doesn't wince you say firmly, 'Each.'"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at
the neurosurgeon's house.
After a two-minute job, he demanded $150.
The neurosurgeon exclaimed, "I don't even
charge that amount and I am a brain surgeon."
The plumber replied, "I agree. You are right!
I didn't either, when I was a surgeon.
That's why I switched to plumbing."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Cody Dwayne Hynum,
30,
Highlands,
Texas
Texan jailed in Florida after stealing two vehicles and
a patrol car
A vehicle fire on Interstate 10 in Walton County leads to an
unprecedented chain of events including two stolen vehicles
and a handcuffed suspect stealing a patrol car.
Friday morning at approximately 9:50am Walton County
Sheriff’s Deputies responded to a vehicle fire near mile
marker 85 on I-10. After the fire was extinguished it was
discovered the vehicle was stolen out of DeFuniak Springs
and was purposely set on fire following the crash.
Shortly after, a citizen notices a man sitting in his Jeep
attempting to steal it at a home on Bob Sikes Road. The
citizen detained the suspect, holding him at gunpoint until
deputies arrived.
The suspect, identified as Cody Dwayne Hynum, 30, was cuffed
and put in the back of a patrol car. Following his arrest it
was determined Hynum had also burglarized a carport and
stolen a Ford pickup truck, which was disabled in the area.
While deputies were working both crime scenes Hynum kicked
out the rear driver’s side window and, still cuffed, was
able to get out of the vehicle and gain access to the
driver’s seat. The suspect fled the area and driving with
his knees and chin drove down Woodyard Road. Hynum then hit
a private citizen’s fence, drove down a driveway and struck
a barrier at the end of the driveway. The suspect fled from
the patrol vehicle into the woods and was tased and
apprehended by deputies after a short foot pursuit.
Hynum was charged with escape, two counts of grand theft
auto with damages over $1,000, two counts of burglary,
larceny over a $1,000, criminal mischief over $1,000,
resisting arrest with violence, and fleeing and eluding. He
was taken to a local hospital to be evaluated and later
booked into the Walton County Jail.
Additional charges may be added.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Jae
Re: Name in the jokes
Dear Webby
My name as you know is Jae.
I love your humor letter a lot, i subscribed because my dad
had been subscribed ages ago and would tell us some of the
jokes you had. One day i decided i just had to get in on
this and subscribed.
I have not been dissapointed yet.
I love the pictures that get included and all the jokes are
just epic (although we have to agree that the bonehead award
winners are the biggest joke of all).
One of my favourite things about it is you use my name in it
a couple of times so i love that a lot.
Sorry for a long email but just wanted to say thank you and
to tell you that everyday you bring a smile to a one legged
boy who really needs to smile every now and then.
Jae
Dear Jae
Good for you!
That shows you are one of the smart ones.
Unfortunately about 10 % of the subscribers did not put
their first or nickname into the First Name slot, left it
blank or put their full name ito it.
A joke falls flat if the name is missing, or if the hero in
the joke is
Mrs Ernerstine Heather Slivowitz-Brownbottom III
I use the same code as with the greeting at the top. There
is no way to edit that for thousands every day.
If your subscription does not have the correct first name or
nickname, hit REPLY and type the correct first name or
nickname, that you want to see in the Good Morning greeting
at the top.
I will edit your subscription. No need to unsubscribe and
re-subscribe.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Diana for this story:
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist
capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of
alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore,
the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around
for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely
toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,
"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, Bob
looked over at his wife Shirley and said,
"How come you never make love to me like that?"
"Are you kidding me?", she replied.
"She gets paid big money to act like she loves him!"
___________________________________________________

These ancient ceramic whistling bottles have been dated as far back as ca. 500 BC.

Thanks to Jimmie for this story:
In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went
to a bathroom-supply store.
We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it
was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion
and made plans to come back the next day to make our final
decision.
Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant,
where the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store
was now working a shift as a waitress.
As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and
called to me in a loud voice, "HEY! YOU'RE THE MAN WHO
NEEDS A SHOWER!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 9
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias
Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in
his honor.
1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern
Russia by Swedish troops.
1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland.
1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston,
MA.
1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in
North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President
George Washington.
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were
married. They were divorced in 1809.
1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of
Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50
each.
1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon.
1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the
way for westward expansion of North America.
1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for
artificial teeth.
1832 Abraham Lincoln announced that he would run for a
political office for the first time. He was unsuccessful in
his run for a seat in the Illinois state legislature.
1839 The French Academy of Science announced the
Daguerreotype photo process.
1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box.
1859 The National Association of Baseball Players adopted
the rule that limited the size of bats to no more than 2-1/2
inches in diameter.
1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was
appointed.
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and
Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton
Roads, Virginia.
1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief
of the Union forces.
1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William
Hoskins for cue chalk.
1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to
take university entrance exams.
1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal
tombs of Tua and Yua.
1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000
Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken.
1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed
suicide following an investigation of colonial policy.
1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros
were killed in the last two days of fighting.
1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill.
1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for
miners in Pennsylvania.
1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the
British military defense budget.
1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus,
New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen.
1929 Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus
over 160 feet.
1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free
State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British
Crown.
1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New
Deal legislation.
1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the
upcoming elections would be arrested.
1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched
incendiary bomb attacks against Japan.
1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to
establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor.
1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service
on the Illinois Central Railroad.
1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop
Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting
terrorists.
1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the
tolls for the use of the Suez Canal.
1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New
York.
1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang.
1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam.
1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected
to the United States.
1969 "The Smothers Brothers' Comedy Hour" was canceled by
CBS-TV.
1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline.
1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds.
1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three
buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took
more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later.
1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S.
President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-
communism."
1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores
across the U.S. for the first time.
1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the
space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the
astronauts.
1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors
Corporation.
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected John Tower as a choice for a
cabinet member. It was the first rejection in 30 years.
1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of
"boat people."
1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into
bankruptcy.
1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a
mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings.
1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los
Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil
rights. (California)
1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for
illegally fishing off of Newfoundland.
2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne
Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 8
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Georgia vegetarian jailed for playing chicken against a
chicken truck
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 8 in
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The truth that makes men free is for the most part
the truth which men prefer not to hear.
--- Herbert Agar
How vain it is to sit down to write
when you have not stood up to live.
--- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
The best minds are not in government.
If any were, business would hire them away.
--- Ronald Reagan
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers.
The first boasted that his dad owned a farm.
The second said his dad owned a factory.
The third boy, a pastors son, replied:
"That's nothin'. My dad owns hell."
"No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?"
"Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my
grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last
night."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A large, well-established Oregon lumber camp advertised
that they were looking for a good lumberjack.
The next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp
with his axe and knocked on the head lumberjack's door.
The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and
told him to leave.
"I'm Pee-aire Thibboduce frem Keebeck, best lumberguy
dis side of Moh-reall! Jesst gimme a schonce to show you
what ha real lumberguy can do," said the skinny man.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the
lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes
he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.
"I cut down de tree," Pierre said.
The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said,
"Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In de Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.
"You mean the Sahara Desert ?" asked the lumberjack.
The little man laughed and answered back,
"Oh fer sure, tha'ss what dey call it now!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award has been earned by
Judith Moriah Armstrong,
26,
Hull, Madison County,
Georgia
Georgia vegetarian jailed for playing chicken against a
chicken truck
A Georgia woman who was arrested for allegedly purposely
crashing her car into the side of a truck carrying a load of
chickens told police she did so because she’s a vegan.
Veganism is the practice of not eating or using in other
ways any animal product; they object to exploiting animals.
The incident occurred Feb. 21 on Georgia Highway 72 in Hull,
Georgia in the northeastern part of the state near Athens.
According to media reports, the truck’s driver told police
he was driving on the highway when a red car struck his
vehicle. The driver said he put on the brakes and the car
hit the truck again before leaving the scene.
At the scene, the trucker described the collision and the
car to police, who found a license plate in the debris. They
eventually found the car and the woman at her home.
Judith Moriah Armstrong, 26, refused to leave her house when
police arrived. Law enforcement officials spoke with her
through a window and she admitted to ramming the truck and
leaving the scene. She also told police she hit the truck
because she is a vegan.
Armstrong was eventually taken into custody and faces
charges for hit and run, aggressive driving, driving under
the influence, and obstruction.
Major Jeffrey Vaughn from the Madison County Sheriff’s
office told the New York Post that, “She was protecting the
life of those little baby chickens … she thought.” Vaughn
added the chickens, none of which had been injured in the
collision, had been picked up at a local farm and were in
their way to a processing plant.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Annette
Re: Dump extra Facebook accounts
Dear Webby
I have 3 accounts that I dont know how to delete 2 of them.
the only account I use is the one with my pic on it.
Annette
Dear Annette
Log into the obsolete account, download or save anything,
that is worth keeping, then go to
https://www.facebook.com/help/delete_account
and hit Delete My Account.
You will have to answer a few "Do you really ..."questions,
and then they will take care of it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
"Did you see this? Yesterday a 4.2 earthquake shook
Arkansas.
Over 12000 cars were knocked off their blocks."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comPressure Cooker Hard Boiled Eggs
By Judy Pariser S. [256 Posts, 1,595 Comments]
Prep Time: Less than 2 minutes
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 15 minutes
Yield: As many eggs as you want
Source: Instant Pot Community on Facebook
Ingredients:
eggs
water
Steps:
Put 1 cup of water in the cooker.
Get a bowl of ice water ready. You will need it at the end.
Put your eggs on a trivet or steamer. You may stack the
eggs, but make sure they don't touch the side of the pot or
they will crack and some of the cooked egg will seep out.
Lock the lid.
Pressure cook for 5 minutes.
Natural release for 5 minutes.
Put the eggs into the ice water for 5 minutes.
They will peel very easily. You can peel now or when you are
ready to eat them.
If you do not want the ugly grey boundary on the yolk, just
put the eggs into boiling water with tongs, bring the water
back up to a rolling boil, turn off the burner or move the
pot off the fire, and put a lid on it. Let it steep for 5-6
minutes. Pour cold water into the pot and shake the pot
vigorously to crack the shells a bit. As the eggs are
cooling rapidly, they will pull some water under the shells
and will be really easy to peel.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

The Day the Music Died - March 3

____________________________________________________
As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over
his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was
startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in
and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for
the arrival of students the next day.
The school where he had been a Principal the previous year
had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate
than that at Fort Knox.
Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do
you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to
let the teachers take things without requisitions?"
The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with
the children, don't we?"
___________________________________________________

People are awesome. The month of February 2017.

When three-year-old opened a birthday gift
from Gramma and found a water pistol.
There was delightful squealing and a sprint to the sink
to fill it.
Mother was not so pleased.
She turned to Gramma and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't
you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water
guns?"
Gramma smiled and then replied, "I remember."
Just wait till you see open Grampa's present!

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 8
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary
Motion.
1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of
King William III.
1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians
were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids
carried out by other Indians.
1853 The first bronze statue of Andrew Jackson is unveiled
in Washington, DC.
1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge
at Niagara Falls, NY.
1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched.
1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the
United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built
across the isthmus of Panama.
1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett
Horton.
1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York.
It was the first animal control law in the U.S.
1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit
order of priests.
1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was
spreading to Georgia.
1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's
suffrage bill.
1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith
marriages in Hungary.
1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend
universities.
1911 In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for
the first time.
1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray
declared that Britain would not support France in the event
of a military conflict.
1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and
strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the
"February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style
calendar.
1917 The U.S. Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting
the cloture rule.
1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while
leaving the Parliament in Madrid.
1921 After WWI French troops occupied Dusseldorf.
1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first
time at Franklin, IN.
1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to
extinguish any anti-Nazi protests.
1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon,
Burma.
1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in
Bougainville. The battle lasted five days.
1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S.
Navy Nurse Corps. She later became the first African-
American nurse to serve duty in World War II.
1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the
first commercial business to receive a helicopter license.
1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam.
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction
in public schools was unconstitutional.
1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers
had quit farming over the last 2 years.
1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to
form the state of Indochina.
1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance
together.
1961 Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight
days, 18 hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec.
1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam.
They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam.
1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of
troops in Vietnam.
1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great
Britain. 234 people were injured.
1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans
with poison gas.
1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that
407,700 Americans were millionaires. That was more than
double the total from just five years before.
1986 Four French television crew members were abducted in
west Beirut. All four were eventually released.
1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when
two Army helicopters collided in midair.
1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three
days of protest against Chinese rule.
1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy
McVeigh for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma
City in 1995.
1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed
the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at
the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result
of alleged security violations.
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-
the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next
decade.
2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan
Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 7
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Singapore teen jumps to his death in reported snapchat stunt
by hopping over a glass barrier and through a decoration
down 4 floors.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 7 in
1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before
the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to
operate automobiles."
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and
three-fourths theater.
--- Gail Godwin
An honest politician is one who,
when he is bought, will stay bought.
--- Simon Cameron
------------
That is why you just lease them nowadays.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a
new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of
all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a
guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he
thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means
business!
The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much
money do you make a week?"
Unflinching, the young fellow looks at him and replies,
"I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams,
"Here's a week's pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks
around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me
what that slacker did here?"
Just then the foreman comes into the room with his wallet
in his hand. He looks around and says, "Hey! Did the pizza
delivery guy leave without his tip ?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Vi for this story.
George, age 92, and Edith, age 89, had been seeing each
other for 2 years when they decided that life was too
short and they might as well be together for the rest of
their lives.
Excited about their decision to become newlyweds, they
went for a stroll to discuss the wedding and what plans
need to be made. Along their way, they found themselves
in front of a drugstore.
George said to his bride-to-be, "Let's go in. I have an
idea."
They walked to the rear of the store and addressed the
man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?" asked George.
The pharmacist answered, "Yes sir, I am. How can I help
you?"
George: "Do you sell heart medications?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
George: "How about support hose for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
George: "What about medications for rheumatism,
osteoporosis & arthritis?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
George: "How about waterproof furniture pads and Depends?"
Pharmacist: "Yes sir."
George: "Hearing aids, denture supplies & reading glasses?"
Pharmacist: "Yes."
George: "What about eye drops, sleeping pills, Geritol,
Preparation-H and ExLax?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
George: "You sell wheelchairs, walkers, and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds and sizes. Why all these questions?"
George smiled, glanced shyly at Edith and replied to the
pharmacist,
"We've decided to get married and we'd like to use your
store as our Bridal Registry."
--------
Good idea to avoid the usual 27 toasters and 11 toaster
ovens from the Flea Market. Unless you craft a personal
gift, the best idea is a coupon for a fixed amount payment
to be put onto their credit cards.
Dont give cash in envelopes if more than 5 guests are
expected.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award has been earned by
Jonathan Chow,
17,
Singapore
Singapore teen jumps to his death in reported snapchat stunt
by hopping over a glass barrier and through a decoration
down 4 floors.
He thought he was jumping onto a concrete ledge, his friend
says.
One teen reportedly leapt to his death in Singapore after
attempting a Snapchat stunt that went tragically wrong.
Jonathan Chow, 17, jumped over a barrier and fell four
floors at Singapore’s Orchard Central mall Friday, The
Straits Times reported.
Footage leaked from the mall’s closed-circuit television,
which made its rounds on the internet Tuesday, appears to
show Chow and a girl standing next to a railing in the mall.
Chow jumps over the railing while the girl raises her arm,
as if she’s recording the jump with a phone. Then she
appears to panic and peers over the railing.
Orchard Central confirmed the authenticity of the 15-second
video to The Straits Times.

A girl who identified herself only as Ruth to local media
said she was there when Chow jumped.
Ruth said she and Chow were shopping at the mall and “when
we went to the bridge, he came up with the idea of doing the
stunt,” she told Today Online, a Singapore news website,
during Chow’s wake.
Ruth explained that there was a ledge past the railing that
appeared to be concrete. They were both supposed to leap
onto the ledge and record each other.
“We both thought the ledge was concrete, but when he jumped,
he fell straight through,” Ruth told Today Online.
The ledge was made of a decorative plasterboard casing and
was not meant to bear weight, The Straits Times reported.
According to Ruth, Chow’s last words were, “Help me take a
Snapchat video and I’ll jump.”
Far East Organization, the retail business that owns Orchard
Central, said in a statement that the glass railing along
the bridge is 1.2 meters (3.9 feet), “acts as a safety
barrier” for the public and “prohibits access to the
plasterboard box-up,” according to Today Online.
Chow’s father, however, called for more safety measures at
Orchard Central.
“The [decorative structure] was wide enough to look like a
passageway, and there was no warning sign to tell people
that it should not be walked on,” Matthew Chow told The
Straits Times. “We don’t want other families to go through
what we went through.”
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Randal
Re: Driver Update PopUp
Dear Webby
Hope this finds you in good spirits and your eyes in good
condition.
My questions for you this morning is about free drivers
updates? Every morning i get hit with a screen saying my
drivers need to be updated and when i went thru all of the
screens i got to a credit card screen well i just kindly
back my way out of there. My question is there a free driver
update service? any knowledge on this subject would be
greatly appreciated...
Have a great week...
Randy
Dear Randy
Your computer is infected.
You don't need drivers, you need
Malwarebytes
and clean that infection out of your machine.
Drivers are totally free. You simply go to the company site
of whatever driver you need, for example the printer
manufacturer, click on Drivers, Download.
They are all totally free. Many devices do that
automatically, when you connect them the first time.
What you get bugged with is some crooks, who want your
credit card data.
Get rid of them!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Here is a classic that came back via Jolly:
It was Palm Sunday, and the mother's 3 year old son had to
stay home from church because of strep throat.
When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm
branches, the little boy asked what they were for.
His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus'
head as he walked by."
"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday
I don't go, and Jesus shows up!"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comToilet Paper Tube Seedling Pots
A great way to recycle toilet paper tubes is to use them as
containers to start vegetable and flower seeds for garden
plants. This is a guide about toilet paper tube seedling
pots.
Supplies:
toilet paper tubes
scissors
Steps:
Cut the TP tube in half. Then make 4 cuts that are approx.
1/2 in., creating 4 flaps of equal size.
Fold one flap inward, then working clockwise, fold the other
flaps down. Tuck the corner of the last flap under the
corner of the first flap. (Like when you are closing a
cardboard box.)
Turn them over and gently press them down on a flat surface
so make the bottoms flat, so that they will stay upright.
Turn them over, fill with soil, and plant your seeds. Once
the seeds have sprouted and are ready to go into the ground,
just plant them with the pot. The cardboard will
disintegrate in the soil.

car curling

____________________________________________________
A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a
lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an
experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of
whiskey and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher
putting a worm first into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in
water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed
painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a
door nail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?"
the teacher asked.
, who naturally sat at the back, raised a
hand and wisely, responded,
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
___________________________________________________

Beautiful bouquets made from old silverware. It was hard for me to pick a favorite.

There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had
his ear to the wall, listening. The Dr. Cohen would watch
this guy do this day after day.
The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening
to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard
nothing.
He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear
anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah doc, I know. It's been like
that for months."

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 7
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died.
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce.
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men
massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners.
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed.
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved.
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing
machine.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent
No. 174,465) for his telephone.
1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved in
parts of South Carolina.
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok.
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a
black man accused of murder.
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote.
1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before
the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to
operate automobiles."
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker.
1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent
20,000 troops to the border of Mexico.
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany to get
Germany to protect them from Russia.
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia.
1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled
unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court.
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented.
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph
in Florida.
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the German Rhineland in
violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles.
The German Rhineland had been given to France after WWI.
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea.
1945 At the end of World War II, U.S. forces crossed the
Rhine River at Remagen, Germany after bombing the area back
into the stone age.
1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime
could prevent strikes.
1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway
launched Operation Ripper against the Chinese.
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey
competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world
ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden.
1955 Baseball commissioner Ford Frick said that he was in
favor of legalizing the spitball.
1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a
million miles in jet airplanes.
1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march
by civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL.
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end.
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos.
1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new
rule allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the
previous two-thirds.
1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the
kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman.
The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent.
1985 The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was
released.
1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder
when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round
fight in Las Vegas, NV.
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II
massacre in Katyn. The Russians had accused the Germans but
had to admit it in the face of evidence. They had rounded up
all Polish officers, University and college graduates and
executed them in the Katyn forest.
Eventually they built a memorial for them and invited all
kinds of Polish politicians and intelligentsia to attend the
grand dedication of the memorial. That plane nysteriously
crashed, killing all aboard.
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke
fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that
does not require permission from the copyright holder.
1994 In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters
to form a union with Rumania.
1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pérez of the ruling
Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected
president.
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88
million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal
battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard
Marshall II. Her lawyers got most of that.
2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center
announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of
uncompressed data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam,
Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data was sent via fiber-
optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles.
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching
for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched
from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 6
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Miami Man Arrested For Transporting Over 350 Pounds
of Marijuana Near Fort Myers
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 6 in
1836 - The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Ana and
his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men
defeated the 189 Texas volunteers.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them.
My mother cleans them.
--- Rita Rudner
An honest politician is one who,
when he is bought, will stay bought.
--- Simon Cameron
"The difference between genius and stupidity
is that genius has its limits."
--- Socratex
It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
--- Aeschylus (525 BC - 456 BC)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Tony, having his second son christened, was much
concerned about getting the correct name on the
birth certificate. "Will you, please, name the
baby just as I give it to you?"
"Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?"
"Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When
I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you
added "AS" and wrote on his birth certificate
'Thomas.'
This boy I want to name Jack."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in
the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and
take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't
see us or recognize my pickup."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it
make? God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who
counts."
The first deacon answered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife."
______________________________________________________
Chinese woodpecker, by James Tsao, China
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Carlos Aguilar,
51,
Fort Myers,
Florida
Miami Man Arrested For Transporting Over 350 Pounds
of Marijuana Near Fort Myers
A Miami man is behind bars in Southwest Florida after police
found him driving a van with over $1 million worth of
marijuana inside.
According to NBC affiliate WBBH-TV, officers from the Lee
County Sheriff’s Office were trying to pull over a van on I-
75 in North Fort Myers for illegal window tint when it took
off. The driver later stopped in a wooded area before
fleeing the vehicle.
Inside, deputies found 11 bags of what they say was freshly
harvested marijuana weighing it at 355 pounds. Officers
later found the driver, 51-year-old Carlos Aguilar in the
woods and arrested him.
Aguilar is charged with multiple counts, including drug
trafficking and resisting arrest. He remains in custody on a
$36,500 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Merv
Re: Computer keeps shutting down
Dear Webby
Hi dear Webby,
I had this problem too. My computer kept on shutting down
and restarting. I took it to my computer man and he said I
had a faulty power supply. He replaced the power supply and
I never had the problem again. I hope this helps.
Kind regards,
Merv.
Dear Merv
Yes, a bad power supply will cause that too.
Because they have a capacitor in there for taming the sine
wave from the AC, that is big enough to knock amateurs into
next week, they are riveted or spot-welded shut. Luckily
they are cheap enough that it is cheaper to replace them
than to try and clean the dust bunnies out or to replace the
fan inside them.
It is quite rare nowadays that a power supply fails.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past
a row of empty shopping carts when the middle aged cart-girl
standing there called after him,
"Excuse me, don't you want a cart?"
"Nah," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur,
"Typical male!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
Thanks to LadyDi for this one:
Build me one of these triangles!
___________________________________________________

look inside abandoned cooling towers.

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore
with his family.
Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in
the water and fainted.
“Darling, it was just a shark,” said his
wife when he came to. “You’ve got to stop
imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.”

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 6
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam.
1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S.
Congress and signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act
admitted Missouri into the Union as a slave state, but
prohibited slavery in the rest of the northern Louisiana
Purchase territory.
1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as
Toronto.
1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Ana and
his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men
defeated the 189 Texas volunteers.
1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled that
blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens.
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix
Hoffman and Hermann Dreser.
1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners
underground.
1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in
Bremen.
1907 British creditors of the Dominican Republic claimed
that the U.S. had failed to collect debts.
1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000
dead and 50,000 fled to Swatow.
1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government
after a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor."
1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first
American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of
bombs onto civilians.
1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an
agreement with France that recognized his country as an
autonomous state within the Indochinese Federation and the
French Union.
1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British
troop withdrawals from India.
1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport
News," was launched from Newport News, VA.
1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and
Togoland became the independent state of Ghana.
1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in
municipal elections.
1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500
troops to Vietnam.
1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to
establish a draft lottery.
1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his
defense against murder charges.
1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on
oil and gas.
1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their
border dispute.
1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn
over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council.
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000
federal jobs.
1983 The United States Football League began its first
season of pro football competition.
1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the
musical "The King and I."
1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in
the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died.
1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the
ownership of private property.
1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle
Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army.
1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar
Picasso portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was
recovered a week later.
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first
official royal Web site.
1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down
three supervisors and the lottery chief before killing
himself.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 5
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Michigan official arrested for drunk driving blames
‘damn chicken nuggets’.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 4 in
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was
enacted in Virginia.
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was
exempted from whipping by legislation.
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was
celebrated.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The gods too are fond of a joke.
--- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)
"The most unpardonable sin in society is
independence of thought."
--- Emma Goldman
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can
my Mommy get pregnant?"
"How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher.
"Forty." she replies.
"Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant."
The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
"Well, dear, how old is your sister?"
"The little girl answers, "Nineteen."
"Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
"The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
"How old are you, dear?
The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old."
"No, dear, you can't get pregnant..."
Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke
and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about
playing scrabble."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The veterinarian told Judy that her dog needed a lot more
exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the
doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball.
"I can't play fetch with my dog," Judy said.
"Why not?" the doctor asked.
"Because," Judy replied, "He can't throw."
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jeremy Miller,
Montcalm County,
Michigan
Michigan official arrested for drunk driving blames
‘damn chicken nuggets’.
The arrest of a newly-elected county commissioner in
Michigan for suspected drunk driving is raising eyebrows
after police say he blamed chicken nuggets for his arrest.
Montcalm County Commissioner Jeremy Miller was initially
stopped in the early morning hours of December 18th for
speeding. He was later arrested for suspected drunk driving.
When the officer asked Miller if he understood why he was
being arrested, the officer said Miller responded, "because
I was being stupid, those damn chicken nuggets," according
to the police report obtained by FOX 17.
The arresting officer said he stopped Miller's vehicle after
he was clocked driving 58 mph in a 30 mph zone, according to
the police report. The location is within sight of Miller's
home less than two blocks away.
The officer said he smelled alcohol on Miller. When asked if
he'd been drinking, Miller responded he didn't know and it
had "been a night." Miller couldn't walk in a straight line
during his field sobriety test, the officer reported.
An initial breathalyzer test was administered at the scene,
followed by two blood tests administered roughly an hour
later once Miller had been taken to jail. His blood alcohol
level was .13, according to the police report, nearly twice
the legal limit.
Miller answered the door at his home Wednesday afternoon but
refused to comment. He is charged with operating a vehicle
while intoxicated. A bench trial is scheduled at the end of
March.
Miller was elected to the Montcalm County Commission in Nov.
2016. The county website says he began serving as
commissioner for the county's 1st District on Jan. 1, 2017,
weeks after his arrest.
Among the committees Miller serves on, the county website
lists him as an alternative on the Montcalm Substance Abuse
Advisory Council.
"Jusch gettin shome prattickal eschperiensche."
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: rg
Re: File Explorer problem
Dear Webby
i am now running win W7. Before the file explorer
let me have a space in the right file list colum to show
the pix and play the music and see pix plus file comments
now in W7 there is no space and nothing to see how to i
get it to show file comments?
thanks
rg
Dear RG
Click on the icon titled "Folders".
That will show the right side. Then on top you see an icon
that illustrates the setup with the preview column.
Click that, and you got the preview.
When you need more space for the file names, hit that icon
again and the preview goes away.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to LadyDi for this one:
The lines ARE straight in this Crazy-Quilt

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comMaking No-Cook Playdoh
By StellaBell [188 Posts, 178 Comments]
This is a recipe for playdoh that doesn't need to be cooked.
It is super easy to throw together. I couldn't find any
cream of tartar here in Vietnam, which is needed in playdoh
recipes that are cooked. I found this recipe for playdoh
that doesn't need to be cooked nor does it need cream of
tartar. We had a great time making it as well as playing
with it.
Supplies:
4 cups flour
1 1/2 cups salt
2 Tbsp oil
1 cup warm water
food coloring
Steps:
When we made this, we divided the ingredients into 4. I
don't think this step is necessary, because you can add the
food coloring to the dough after it is made. Either way
works but upon making the play dough a second time, I
preferred adding the color after.
Add 1/4 cup of water into four separate bowls. Choose the
four colors you would like to make. Then in each bowl, add
about 5 drops of food coloring and 1/2 Tbsp of oil. Stir.
In a large bowl, mix together the salt and flour. Then put 1
cup of this mixture into each bowl.
Mix until all ingredients are well incorporated. Knead it
some in the bowl. If it feels too dry, add a little more
water.
Then, on a floured surface, knead the dough. If after
kneading, the dough still feels sticky, knead in a little
more flour. The dough should be soft.
Now let your imagination soar. Have fun!

Upset little girl poses for camera

____________________________________________________
During a quarrel with his parents, little LeRoy cried,
"I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women.
I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving.
Don't try and stop me!"
With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and
followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and
stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father.
"If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
___________________________________________________

Winter in Germany.

Overheard in the line-up at the bank:
Did you go to college??
No, I drink at home, I couldn't afford the $10,000 dollar
cover charge!

Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 5
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was
enacted in Virginia.
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was
exempted from whipping by legislation.
1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de
Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans.
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops
fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British
troops were later convicted of manslaughter.
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured
Liege.
1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson,
New Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature.
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez
invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They
briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the
Rio Grande.
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels
to the western U.S.
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took
place in Ireland.
1868 The U.S. Senate was organized into a court of
impeachment to decide charges against President Andrew
Johnson.
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake. Air brakes
were in use, but Westinghouse made them practical with
localized air reservoirs at each rail car or truck trailer.
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt
revolutionary disturbances.
1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of
creating an alliance.
1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to
call for a general strike for an 8-hour day.
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000
demonstrators were dispersed by troops.
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to
show support for striking transit workers.
1910 The Moroccan envoy signed the 1909 agreement with
France.
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for
military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights
behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli.
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd
to Moscow.
1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing
records for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100
targets.
1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of
Montana and Nevada.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day
bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from
being withdrawn from banks.
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German
parliamentary elections.
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was
celebrated.
1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for
military service due to war losses.
1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech".
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in
power for 29 years.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation
in public schools.
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect
after 43 nations ratified it.
1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for
the first time in history.
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right
to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas
display.
1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas.
1997 North Korea and South Korea met for first time in 25
years for peace talks.
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough
water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket
fueling station.
1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins
would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large
X-ray telescope. She was the first woman to command a space
shuttle mission.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 4
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman avoids arrest,
then is jailed after boasting of attack
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 4 in
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a
lot of expense and aggravation later in life.
--- Robert Byrne
It's the good girls who keep diaries;
the bad girls never have the time.
--- Tallulah Bankhead
Just like in biographies, in many diaries the dates
are are often lonely islands of facts.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Nature has many laws that hold fast and true.
For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape;
likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon.
A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig.
A baby jackass will always become a jackass.
Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to
be any one or more of these.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging
through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled
across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would
appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement
of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular
genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one
wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted
out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped
his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by
mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping
of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men
considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been
granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going idiot! Now our boat is the only urinal for 500
miles around!"
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Antisha Andrea Brown
23,
West Palm Beach
Florida
Florida woman avoids arrest,
then is jailed after boasting of attack
A West Palm Beach woman who initially avoided arrest
following an alleged attack against a pregnant woman is in
the Palm Beach County Jail after she bragged about the
assault on social media, according to an arrest report.
Antisha Andrea Brown, 23, is facing charges of aggravated
battery with a weapon and aggravated battery on a known
pregnant woman and is being held without bond.
The 19-year-old victim told police that she and another
pregnant 19-year-old woman were in a car Dec. 24 when Brown
began chasing them around Riviera Beach in her own vehicle.
At one point, Brown allegedly menaced the victims with a
crowbar and pointed a Taser at them, the report said. Brown
ended the chase by crashing into the victims’ vehicle,
leaving it inoperable.
Riviera Beach police chose not to arrest Brown the day of
the incident, the report said.
That changed when the victim told police that Brown went on
social media “boasting” about destroying the victim’s
vehicle while adding the crash would make the victim “walk
for the holidays,” the report said.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Liz
Re: Computer keeps shutting down
Dear Webby
I have a problem. Every few minutes or so, my comupter
shuts down and restarts itself, even if I am in the middle
of doing something. It is most annoying, and I am almost
ready to toss the thing. Also, I had been using Incredimail
but it was causing problems. Since deleting it, I am no
longer receiving mail from my cousin in England. He is at
@tsco.net. I hope you can help.
Thanks. Liz
Dear Liz
That sounds like either
-your computer is severely overheating,
-or you have one of the Shut-Down viruses.
Run a good virus scan like Malwarebytes to
rule out the viruses.
If the machine won't stay up long enough for that, then
you'll have to either clean it yourself or bring it to your
friendly neighborhood computer fixer.
Desktop computers are easy to clean out. Just open the side
panel, vacuum out the dust bunnies, clean the heat sinks and
fans with Q-tips and Windex, and close it up again.
Laptops require a small Philips screwdriver to open.
If that does not help, then you have to bring it to a friend
or store, that fixes computers.
He can stick an alternate temporary hard drive in there
instead of yours, and find out in a minute if the problem is
the computer or a virus.
If it is the computer, dump it. If the CPU or the
motherboard are bad, then they are not worth fixing any
more. Just get a brand new computer for less than what some
places like Staples charge for trying to fix it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
From Oz
Neville had been out of work for a long time and when he
was offered a job at the council as a garbage collector,
he decided to take it up. On his first day things were
going great until he arrived at one house and noticed
there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to
himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here
but if they find out I missed one house then I will get
fired."
So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his
surprise it was a fellow from his old neighborhood who
answered.
Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other
bloke, "Where's ya bin?"
The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays,"
Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?"
"I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply.
Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot.
Where's ya Wheelie Bin?"
The other bloke looked round to see who might be
listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm
tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays."
--------
For those of you, who still use garbage bags at the curb,
"Wheelie Bins" are big, tall garbage cans with wheels,
that are picked up by trucks with hydraulic grippers
instead of a crew tossing bags into the truck by hand.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSuper Duper De-Greaser
By melissa [293 Posts, 425 Comments]
Now you finally have something useful you can make with all
those annoying little soap slivers. You don't have to throw
them out anymore, make an all purpose kitchen cleaner! With
a few minutes and virtually no cost, you can have a bottle
full of de-greaser ready to go. Re-duce, re-use, go green!
:)
Total Time: 20 minutes
Yield: 22 ounces
Source: Modified from an idea in a book called Make It
Supplies:
1/4 cup finely chopped soap slivers
1 Tbsp borax
2 3/4 cup water
empty spray bottle
funnel
Steps:
As you can see, I opted for intact fingers and chose to chop
the soap with a knife. The pieces are just too small. :)
Add 1 cup of water to a pot.
Add your soap.
Stir continuously with a fork or whisk over medium/high heat
until soap is dissolved. This should take about 5 minutes.
Soap soup, smells really clean!
Add this mixture to your bottle.
Add the borax.
Add remaining 1 3/4 cups water. Replace top and gently tilt
back and forth to combine.
Make a new label so you know what it is. :)
All set! Great for grimy stoves, oven hoods, microwaves,
etc.

Lunch room Etiquette

____________________________________________________
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology
courses. She started her class by saying,
"Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, stood up.
The teacher said, ", do you really think
you're stupid?"
"No, ma'am", said,
"but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
___________________________________________________

A guy who turned his graffiti into art.

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any
interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have
good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news
is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if
it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told
him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad
news?"
"The guy was your doctor."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 4
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William
Penn for an area that later became the state of
Pennsylvania.
1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which
had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S.
colonies.
1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of
Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two
treaties were the first entered into by the U.S. government.
1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York
and declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect.
1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin.
The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight.
1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was
the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA.
1837 The state of Illinois granted a city charter to
Chicago.
1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars
and Bars" flag.
1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone.
1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the
"Daily Graphic" was published in New York City.
1902 The American Automobile Association was founded in
Chicago.
1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the
Manchurian border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced.
1908 The New York board of education banned the act of
whipping students in school.
1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would
send troops to Chaouia, Morocco.
1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration
speech in which he said "We have nothing to fear, but fear
itself."
1942 "Junior Miss" starring Shirley Temple aired on CBS
radio for the first time.
1947 France and Britain signed an alliance treaty.
1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier,"
the first seagoing radio broadcasting station.
1952 Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis were married.
1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the
first successful kidney transplant.
1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin.
1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of
Kuwait, returned to his country for the first time since
Iraq's invasion.
1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form
a federation in a loose economic union with Croatia.
1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human
cloning.
1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed
hackers to shut down computers in government and university
offices nationwide.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-
the-job sexual harassment even when both parties are the
same sex.
1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S.
President Clinton went on sale in the U.S.
2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted
government-funded scientists to use embryos left over from
fertility treatment or abortions.
2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential
election.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh man arrested for repeatedly stealing
neighbor's underwear from her garage.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 3 in
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville
to New Orleans was opened.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of
real estate above principles.
--- George Jean Nathan (1882 - 1958)
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything
without losing your temper or your self-confidence.
--- Robert Frost
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
--- Jimmy Buffett
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always
wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to
take the plunge and go through the formal conversion
process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt
he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion.
On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office,
ready to begin.
The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test,
I must discuss my fee, It's $5,000."
"$5,000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's too much money!
How about $500?"
"Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Driving to a new restaurant, Judy took several wrong
turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her
husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"
"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied.
"You always know where we're going when I'm driving."
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Nicolas Rojas,
54,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Jacksonville man arrested for repeatedly stealing
neighbor's underwear from garage
A Jacksonville man was arrested after he allegedly stole his
neighbor's underwear out of her garage several times.
The woman told police that she saw surveillance video
showing 56-year-old Nicolas Rojas entering her garage and
stealing her underwear.
She told officers she decided to confront him when she saw
him inside her garage for the third time on Monday.
She opened the door to the garage while Rojas was still
inside.
She told officers Rojas asked her if she had any lemons. She
told him she did not, and he left.
The woman told police she went to his house to ask him why
he took her underwear.
She said he admitted he took it but did not give it back.
He later came to her house and apologized, she said.
She told police she thought he was armed when he came over
to apologize. Her husband called police after she told him
what happened.
Because the victim thought he was armed and his criminal
history, officers surrounded his home and used a loud
speaker to order him out of the house.
Rojas' son came home and told officers his father didn't
have any weapons and was passed out drunk.
He got Rojas to come outside, where he was arrested.
The repoort did not state why she kept underwear in an
unlocked garage.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Kevin
Re: voice volume on VOIP
Dear Webby
I have had Voice Over IP for my phone for almost a year and
have been reasonably happy with it. Lately I noticed that
with some people I have a rela problem hearing them. Not
all, but especially with sales people the volume seems to
be really low. Is that due to VOIP ?
Thanks
Kevin
Dear Kevin
Since you can hear some people normally, the problem is
most likely just lazy people using a speakerphone and not
talking directly at it.
VOIP problems due to the ISP chopping the line into too many
calls per wire result in warbling, not reduced volume. When
that happens calls frequently start out not too bad but then
deteriorate. Or if you use Skype and do a video call, it
starts out with crisp and clear voice and picture and after
a couple of minutes the voice is noticeably chopped and the
piccture deteriorates. If that is the case, complain to the
ISP.
However, if the caller's volume is too low, then the problem
is some lazy ass using a speakerphone or desk microphone or
laptop built in microphone and not talking directly at it.
I just tell them to send me an email. I have no patience for
people who are too busy doing other stuff and can't point
their face at the microphone.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
It is said that when you tell an Englishman a joke, he will
laugh three times.
First - when you tell it, to be polite.
Second - when you explain it, to be polite.
And third - in the middle of the night when he wakes up
and finally gets it.
When you tell an Irishman the same joke, he will laugh
twice. First - when you tell it, to be polite, even if he
was the one who told you the joke last week.
And second - when he tells it to you again next week.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comRemoving Burnt Oil From a Frying Pan
By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments]
I forgot to remove my pan from the burner after frying taco
shells, causing the oil to burn onto the pan.
Total Time: 10 minutes
Supplies:
1 Tbsp Dawn dish soap
water
Steps:
Add Dawn dish soap to the pan. Fill the pan about halfway
with water.
Put the pan on the stove and boil for about 5 minutes. Be
sure to set a timer.
Using a metal spatula, carefully scrap away as much of the
oil as possible. NOTE: Do not use a metal spatula on a non-
stick pan.
Empty the soap water into the sink. Then scrub with a sponge
to remove any remaining oil.

Lunch room Etiquette

____________________________________________________
>From Brent
Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer.
We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we
decided to call the customer support phone number
we found in the manual.
I picked up the phone and called the number. A man
answered the phone and I explained the problem to him.
He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused
us even more.
"Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do
as if I were a small child?"
"Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you
please put your mommy on the phone?"
___________________________________________________

Glass making has always fascinated me.

The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields
by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might
have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull
charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man.
The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the blind
farmer in the back.
The farmer turned very quickly, caught the bull by the
horns and threw him to the ground with a thump that left
it breathless.
"Goodness!" said the neighbor, "I never knew you were
so strong."
"I owe it all to faith," said the blind farmer. "And if I
could have got that fella off the handlebars of his bike,
I'd have thrashed him good and properly."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 3
1791 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution that created the
U.S. Mint.
1803 The first impeachment trial of a U.S. Judge, John
Pickering, began.
1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill.
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to
New Orleans was opened.
1845 Florida became the 27th U.S. state.
1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S.
President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress had
achieved this.
1845 An Act of Congress established uniform postal rates
throughout the nation. The act went into effect on July 1,
1845.
1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress.
It allowed the minting of gold coins.
1851 The U.S. Congress authorized the 3-cent piece. It was
the smallest U.S. silver coin.
1857 Britain and France declared war on China.
1863 Free city delivery of mail was authorized by the U.S.
Postal Service.
1875 The U.S. Congress authorized the 20-cent piece. It was
only used for 3 years.
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San
Stenafano. The treaty granted independence to Romania,
Serbia, Montenegro, and the autonomy of Bulgaria.
1885 The American Telephone and Telegraph (AT&T) was
incorporated in New York as a subsidiary of the American
Bell Telephone Company.
1885 The U.S. Post Office began offering special delivery
for first-class mail.
1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work.
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants.
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a
political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder.
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly.
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with
tires.
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S.
anarchists.
1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that
airplanes would be made commercially in the U.S.
1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing
Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions.
1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and
resorted to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S.
intervention.
1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany,
Austria and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation
in World War I.
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott
Key, was adopted as the American national anthem. The song
was originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry."
1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's
autocratic rule.
1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria.
1945 Superman encountered Batman and Robin for the first
time on the Mutual Broadcasting System.
1945 At the end of World War II, Finland changed sides and
declared war on the Axis. Originally they had asked Germany
to help them holding off the Russians, but by March 1945 it
was obvious who would win WWII, and they were persuaded to
change to the winning side.
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law
that banned Communist teachers in the U.S.
1956 Morocco gained its independence.
1959 The San Francisco Giants had their new stadium
officially named Candlestick Park.
1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module.
1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he
killed Robert Kennedy.
1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecrafte was launched.
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War
II.
1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10
crashed just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris.
1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his
grave in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was
recovered 11 weeks later near Lake Geneva.
1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels
final voyage had ended on May 26, 1979.
1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to
Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for
diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and
porn."
1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of
$30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras.
1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing
737-200 crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs
airport.
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police
officers. The scene was captured on amateur video.
(California)
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with
the Chiapas rebels.
1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several
gunmen were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while
overseeing the pull out of peacekeepers.
1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into
a Nile canal.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 2
Hotmail seems to have been down when I sent the Wednesday
issue out. The bounces rattled in like machine gun fire for
a while. Well, Microsoft has been telling people for seven
years that Hotmail is finished, no longer supported, and
that they should get some other email.
One of these days a routine hotmail malfunction
is going to be the last one, and they wont fix it again.
This might not be the final malfunction, since outlook.com
had trouble too, but if you have a hotmail.com address, I
would strongly advise that you get yourself a different
address as soon as possible.
There are two ways to deal with that:
1) You can set your hotmail address to automatically forward
to the new address.
The disadvantage is that spam will follow you there.
2) Put an autoresponder onto the hotmail address to tell
people you have moved to @outlook.com or
@gmail.com or wherever.
Spammers send from faked addresses and cant read replies or
autoresponders, so they get left behind.
The disadvantage is that some whiners will whine that they
have to change your address in their address book.
They will get over it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Orange County traffic shooter charged with attempted murder
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 2 in
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad
interim government was formed.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
A short saying oft contains much wisdom.
--- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
My friend Eric, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a
shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to
the office in the front of the store (near the cash
registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip
and tried to run away.
After a roundhouse swing that connected with a solid thud,
Eric slammed him against the wall pinned him there.
When he looked up, he saw a number of surprised
and concerned customers staring at him.
"Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This
guy just tried to go through the express line with
more than ten items. The cops will pick him up as soon
as they can get here."
I have a hunch those people will count their items VERY
carefully in the future.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Carol
In 1856, Heinrich Heine, the German poet, left everything to
his wife on the condition that she remarried "so that there
will be at least one man to regret my death."
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jose Tirado,
28,
Orange County,
Florida
Orange County traffic shooter charged with attempted murder
Orange County deputies said a passerby helped them get
results and arrest a suspect in connection to what they are
calling a possible road-rage incident that happened Thursday
morning.
Deputies arrested Jose Tirado, 28. He is facing several
charges, including first-degree attempted murder and
possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.
The sheriffs office said Tirado shot at another man while
driving along Alafaya Trail near Golfway Boulevard.
Deputies found bullet holes on the victims car. They said he
was not hurt.
A passerby saw what happened and wrote down Tirados tag
number when he drove off.
The passerby called the sheriffs office and gave them the
information. They used the tag number to track Tirado down
and located him at his home, where they arrested him.
The sheriffs office is crediting the passerbys quick actions
and for helping them get results.
Its unclear if Tirado and the victim knew each other.
Deputies havent released any information on a motive. The
sheriffs office told News 6 that more details will become
available once the report is released.
Tirado is booked in the Orange County jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Edith
Re: Royal Bank review
Dear Webby
I got an email claiming to be from the Royal Bank, that my
account was frozen and required action.
It had scary stuff like this:
Please click the link below to reset your password.
Verify
Note: If within 48 hours access to members area will not be
changed, we will be forced to suspend Your account for a
long time for the proceedings.
That sounded a bit hopey to me.
Looking at the source with Eudora, I saw:
From: "Royal Bank RBC"
And the Verify link went to
http://rb01-auth.review/
Was that legit or phony?
Edith
Dear Edith
That is as phony as a $3 bill.
Anything with a domain name ending in .review is phony.
The REAL Royal bank is at rbc.com. Just like Webby.com, they
got a real .com domain.
That part "suspend Your account for a long time for the
proceedings" is actually quite funny and sounds like it was
written by a Nigerian, definitely not the authoritative
style used by the Royal Bank.
Don't click on that link, not even to fill out the forms
with your mayor's name and address. Clicking on it might
call a virus into your machine. Just dump that email, and
dump the trash.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
and a friend were walking through the woods
with a large Salmon under each arm when they met Michael and
Donald.
"Hey there's some wonderful salmon, where did you get
them?"
"Don't tell anyone," replied , we poached them
out of the river."
"How did you do that?" asked Donal
"Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his
legs and when the salmon leap out of the water on their
way upstream, he just catches them."
"We'll try that Michael me boy." says Donald
They get to the bridge and Donald hangs Michael over the
edge of the bridge by his legs. After about twenty minutes
Michael screams...
"Quick pull me up, pull me up!"
"Have you got a salmon?" asks Donal,
"No," replies Michael "but there's a train coming."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comOrecchiette with Cherry Tomatoes
By 15mhhm15 [20 Posts, 4 Comments]
Prep Time: 5
Cook Time: 10
Ingredients:
1/2 lb orecchiette pasta
2 Tbsp olive oil
1 Package cherry tomatoes
5 Tbsp basil pesto
5 Pieces Babybel mozzarella cheese
Steps:
Boil water in a pot, add a pinch of salt so the water boils
faster and evenly. Add pasta and cook for 6 to 9 minutes or
when pasta is ready. Drain the water and set pasta aside.
Get a pan and drizzle the olive oil on the pan to sauté
cherry tomatoes. Add pasta, basil pesto and stir around for
a minute.
Once off the heat, add mozzarella of your choice and its
ready to serve. You can garnish with fresh basil, or black
pepper on top if you would like.
If you buy your pasta in bulk, orechiette is called "Small
Shells".
I usually sautee some chopped onions and bacon instead of
the cherry tomatoes, and add ice cold, halved cherry
tomatoes onto the top. Makes a nice taste contrast!
Instead of basil pesto you can use parsley or cilantro, or
for a nice change, oregano.
Type of cheese is not critical at all. When I was a kid we
used to get Emmental cheese with a hard rind. Dad used to
cut the rind off and put it into a mason jar. Mom ground
those rinds and that was the cheese added to pasta dishes
like this one.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Cricket Chorus

____________________________________________________
Dentist to Patient: (begging) " Would you
help me? Could you give out a few of your
loudest, most painful screams?"
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad
this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the
waiting room right now and I don't want to
miss the 5 o'clock football game.
___________________________________________________

50 Rare Photos from History You've Likely Never Seen Before

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching
the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one
of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth
goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other
Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are
fallin' victim to temptation as well."
Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one
of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the
girls must be dying. Let's pray fer her!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 2
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the
importation of slaves into any port or place within the
jurisdiction of the United States... from any foreign
kingdom, place, or country."
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad
interim government was formed.
1861 The U.S. Congress created the Territory of Nevada.
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine
needles.
1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the
winner of the 1876 presidential election by the U.S.
Congress. Samuel J. Tilden, however, had won the popular
vote on November 7, 1876.
1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would
have required a literacy test for immigrants entering the
country.
1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was
established by the U.S. Congress.
1899 U.S. President McKinley signed a measure that created
the rank of Admiral for the U.S. Navy. The first admiral was
George Dewey.
1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to
Puerto Rico.
1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened.
1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which
limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of U.S.
troops.
1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New
York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel
exclusively for women.
1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million
in damage.
1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after
the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were
brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907.
1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican
Administration was founded.
1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional
color photography at the Academy of Sciences.
1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II
abdicating.
1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship
with the enactment of the Jones Act.
1925 State and federal highway officials developed a
nationwide route-numbering system and adopted the familiar
U.S. shield-shaped, numbered marker.
1929 The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created
by the U.S. Congress.
1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in
New York.
1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill
of Rights to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten
amendments had gone into effect 147 years before.
1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam.
1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort
Worth, TX. The American plane had completed the first non-
stop around-the-world flight.
1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde
made its first test flight.
1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new
location was opened across the street from the old location
in Des Plaines, IL.
1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS
that detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly
contaminated blood to be kept out of the blood supply.
1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of
the Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore
the civil rights of the citizens of her country.
1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for
a new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time.
1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations
all agreed to ban all production of CFCs
(chlorofluorocarbons) by the end of the 20th century.
1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev
was killed by a gunman in Moscow.
1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse
of Britain's Barings Bank.
1998 The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi
Annan's deal to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms
inspectors.
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated
that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source
of interior heat.
2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto
Pinochet Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to
return to Chile. Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had
concluded that Pinochet was mentally and physically unable
to stand trial. Belgium, France, Spain and Switzerland had
sought the former Chilean leader on human-rights violations.
2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation
between four armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-
135S Cobra Ball. No shots were fired in the encounter in
international airspace about 150 miles off North Korea's
coast. The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume
reconnaissance flights on March 12.
2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had
discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars in the
past.
2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 1
Thanks to Rita for this link to the 1960 hit song about the
native couple at Lake Stupid in yesterdays Humor Letter:
Running
Bare
I just realized that six years ago on February 28 I stopped
smoking, and on February 28 I had total heart failure.
Rockyview hospital totally misdiagnosed it, prescribed a ton
of medication for COPD, penumonia, and all kinds of weird
stuff, and sent me home at 8PM.
I did not believe them. None of that stuff happens all of a
sudden while standing at a counter at the bank.
So I got Barb, who was still my secretary then, to drive me
to the local hospital. There an older doctor, who acted more
like a country vet and instantly got my respect, didnèt
believe the diagnosis of the big Rockyview hospital either.
He injected me with some lasix, the stuff they give race
horses to make them dump any urin, that might be showing
doping.
Well, in an hour I filled 5 gallon jugs. So the good doctor
said: You donèt have COPD. You are just an ornery old coot
refusing to die from heart failure. Dont worry, we can fix
your heart.
So he got the EMTs to strap me to a bright yellow fiberglass
high tech gourney, scoot me out to a waiting ambulance and
bring me to Foothills hospital. There they injected me with
some radioactive stuff and made a movie of the blood flow,
while they stood well back.
You got total heart failure and the heart is pumping into
your lungs instead of out of them. We can fix that. Do you
want it fixed now or do you want to think about it?
Dumb question! Fix it!
So they came with a bunch of papers. I was too far gone to
be able to read any of the stuff on it, but I assumed it was
promising not to sue them if I croaked during the
procedure.
The cute nurse helpfully pointed to a spot, where I was
supposed to sign.
XXX
If they can ask dumb questions, I can give dumb replies.
Then she asked me who to contact if something went wrong.
Now THAT is a really dumb question to ask the publisher of
the worlds best Humor Letter.
A good doctor.
After that she gave up on the dumb questions and they got
busy installing a bunch of stents. One assistant clad like a
nuclear powerplant repairman shoved something that looked
like a flexible shaft carving tool into my thigh, and some
guy about 30 feet away and ten feet up in a heavy lead glass
control room operated the flexible shaft, directed it to
exactly where the blockages were, bulldozed them clear and
installed stents.
It was not painful at all, and interesting to watch.
Then she pulled out the flexible shaft operating center
and put her fist and her weight onto the hole where that
flex had been.
My heart started working right and so of course I told her
that even with all that nuclear armor she was still looking
great and thanked her for fixing my heart.
After that they brought me to Rockyview, where they pumped
me so full of Lasix that my heels and foot corners split, to
help empty the lungs of fluid. They should have done that
when I first got there, and they were trying to make up for
that.
The next day Barb brought me my laptop, but the sniveling
ninnies there did not give me the WiFi password until two
days later. Two days after that they let me go home.
I still had to remain upright and sleep on the couch,
because there was still blood in the lungs and not enough
room for air, but that got better soon. Dianne, who at that
time was sending the daily link, sent me a simple pedal
exercise machine, and after a week I was going for the daily
walks, that I SHOULD have been going on all along.
You better go on some walks too! Go do the sampling at
Costco, or go to Walmart taking pictures of Walmartians, or
whatever. But go onto some walks.
Noella got a treadmill and got Netflix set up on a spare
monitor in front of it. With a good movie she can walk 15
miles!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Fort Myers burglar got tenderized by home owner
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 1 in
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to India.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
--- Mae West
"Always and never are two words you should
always remember never to use."
--- Wendell Johnson
Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint.
However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
--- Richter cartoon caption
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
--- Thomas Jones (1892 - 1969)
----------
so I noticed! But slowly, one by one, I am outliving them.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Wendy:
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning
briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine
to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to
all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit
frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual
amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how
much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work. A Captain
said it was 50%-50%. A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in
favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation
at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who
was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his
opinion. Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded,
"Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers
would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the enlisted man.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Matt:
How can you talk your way out of this one?
Jacksonville, FL Police Dept.
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends
plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he
only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for
weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the
line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a
notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block
away.
The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be
right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to
the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed,
and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he
has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door.
They ask if Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They
ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the
flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his
car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she
takes them to the garage.
She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the
police car, with all its lights still flashing.
True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Josue Ortiz,
35,
Fort Myers,
Florida
Fort Myers burglar got tenderized by home owner
Brian Burch is a burglar’s worst nightmare – the Florida
homeowner is not just a large, powerful man, but he also
happens to be skilled in the martial art of Brazilian jiu-
jitsu.
Josue Ortiz chose the wrong house to break into Tuesday, Lee
County deputies told WBBH. Ortiz allegedly saw the door to
Burch’s garage left open and slipped in, lifting multiple
tools and loading them into his vehicle.
Burch said he went outside after hearing a noise and
confronted Ortiz, who he said was holding his jackhammer and
airgun cases. “He told me that the boss sent him over here
to pick up tools to finish a job,” Burch recalled Ortiz
saying.
When Burch started questioning his explanation, Ortiz tried
to take off running, but failed to slip out of the jiu-jitsu
student’s grasp.
“Once we got to the ground, he started pushing and fighting
me, and I hit him one time,” Burch said. “If the kids had
been here, I probably would have been even angrier.”
Ortiz suffered a broken nose, swollen lip and black eye in
the altercation, according to WBBH. A neighbor called 911,
and Burch held Ortiz on the ground until authorities
arrived.
Deputies arrested Ortiz on charges of burglary and grand
theft and booked him into Lee County jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: CPU speed
Dear Webby
I need to know the basic CPU speed of my computer.
Thanks
Bill
Dear Bill
Just download the Belarc Advisor from
http://webby.com/tools
.html
It will do a complete inventory of what is in your machine
and make a nice, printable report.
It is a very good idea to print that out before bringing the
machine to repair places, and also for insurance purposes.
That report lists EVERYTHING. Not just CPU, but even
graphics and sound.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to LadyDi for this story:
SUNDAY SCHOOL
Nine year was asked by his mother what had
been taught in Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out
of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers
build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across
safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio
headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow
up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, , is that really what your teacher told
you?" the mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did,
you'd never believe it!"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comIrish Potato Chocolate Cake
By Julia [10 Posts, 1 Comment]
A super-moist delicious chocolate cake that will make you
want to keep one on the cake plate all the time. Note the
use of Self-Rising Flour in this recipe.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
2/3 cup caster (fine) sugar
4 level Tbsp. cocoa
1/2 tsp. salt
1/3 cup cooked mashed potato
1/2 cup plus 2 Tbsp. butter
4 Tbsp. milk*
2 eggs
*Note: I have often substituted Bailey's Irish Creme for the
milk with delightful results.
Directions:
Cream the butter and sugar with the mashed potato, then add
the cocoa. Add the beaten eggs, alternately with the flour
and the salt.
Finally pour in the milk, mixing well, to make a soft dough.
Well grease two 8 inch cake pans and divide batter equally
between them. Bake at 350 degrees F oven for 25-30 minutes.
The top will be springy to the touch when done. Cool for a
few minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack. Frost with
whipped cream or desired frosting.
To make this cake a truly decadent chocolate dessert, frost
with fudge frosting using Bailey's Irish Creme, cocoa and
10X confectioner's sugar.
If you choose to use whipped cream, you can add the Bailey's
Irish Cream to the heavy cream when you're beating it.
Reduce any sugar and add no extra flavoring to the whipped
cream.
Servings: 12
Time: 30 Minutes Preparation Time
30 Minutes Cooking Time
Source: My friend Linda who is from northern Ireland.
By Julia (pookarina) from Boca Raton, FL

Cricket Chorus

____________________________________________________
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in
front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk
lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending
the contents crashing to the floor.
"They just don't make these bags like they used to," the
clerk blurted to the customer.
"That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"
___________________________________________________

Girls are awesome!

On the way to the bakery I saw some kids playing "Wedding".
The bride's gown was a yellow shower curtain, gathered
at the waist with a piece of red garden hose, and the
curtain trailing way behind her.
Her veil was mosquito netting, topped by a blue cop car
bubble as a tiara.
The groom was attired in a grey lab coat with a charcoal
black piece of truck tire innertube as a wide cummerbund
belt. His coat trailed a bit too, but did not quite hide
the fact that instead of to a traditional ball and chain,
his leg was chained to a tricycle.
The mother-in-law carried the traditional rolling pin but
the father-in-law had a plastic space ray look water gun
instead of the traditional shotgun.
The preacher was wearing a white bath robe backwards
and a trucker style cap, also backwards.
Just as I was walking past them, I heard the preacher
sing out: "You have the right to remain silent, anything
you say will be held against you, forever and ever.
If you want to kiss the bride, you better have an attorney
present."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on March 1
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his
way to India.
1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000
Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion.
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the
Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be
charged.
1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the
Articles of Confederation.
1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first Brutish
cooking school.
1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census.
1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an
Ombudsman, Lars August Mannerheim.
1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of
the Mameluke dynasty.
1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He
had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814.
1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy.
1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of
Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first national
park.
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the
manufacturing the first practical typewriter.
1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the
forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The
Italians were defeated.
1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews
left due to evacuations.
1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages.
1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide
bureau.
1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's
"Portrait of King Philip IV."
1911 Jose Ordonez was elected President of Uraguay.
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from
a moving airplane.
1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank.
1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was
kidnapped. The child was found dead in May.
1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day.
1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license
plates were issued.
1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV
began operations.
1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the
Tripartite Pact.
1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations.
1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned.
1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets
to the Soviet Union.
1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a
hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.
1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto
Rican nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S.
House of Representatives.
1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile.
1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President
Kennedy.
1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus.
It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface
of another planet.
1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese
technicians to leave the country.
1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the
U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group
protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility.
1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the
Watergate break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct
justice.
1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended April 2.
1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern
Kazakhstan, Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R.
1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic
riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis.
1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council
imposed a curfew on minors.
1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a
majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in
favor of Bosnia's independence.
1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political
reforms that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined
rule.
1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from
Yugoslavia.
1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food
stamp recipients had reached a record number of 26.6
million.
1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort
to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre.
1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would
have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life
forms.
1995 Yahoo! was incorporated.
1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the
Petronas Towers.
1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four
other bombs went off in the capital.
1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by
Hutu rebels.
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They
succeeded on March 20, 1999.
2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied
forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters.
2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen
from a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On
June 17, 2003, it was announced that four corrections
officers had surrendered and pled innocent in connection to
the theft. The mixed-media composition was a sketch of the
crucifixion.
2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22
different organizations around the government became part of
the Department of Homeland Security. This completed the
largest government reorganization since the beginning of the
Cold War.
2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and
Pakistani agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected
mastermind behind the terrorist attacks on the United States
on September 11, 2001.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 28
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Amarillo National Bank robbery suspect arrested
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 28 in
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn
arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS
California had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The
trip took 4 months and 21 days.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The man who lets himself be bored is even more
contemptible than the bore.
--- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902)
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman.
Believing what he read made him mad.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Never attribute to malice what can be
adequately explained by stupidity.
--- Robert Heinlein
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Wendy
The Oldest Computer
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
Surprise, surprise !!
It was an Apple.
But with extremely limited memory.
Just 1 byte.
Then everything crashed!
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Wendy
A union boss walks into a bar next door to the factory and
is about to order a drink, when he sees a guy close by
wearing a TRUMP for President button, and two beers in front
of him.
He does not have to be an Einstein, to know that this guy,
is a Republican.
So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone
can hear, 'Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not
for the Republican.'
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican
gives him a big smile, waves at him then says, 'Thank you!'
in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union boss.
The union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone
except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to
bother the Republican.
He continues to smile, and again yells, 'Thank you!'
The union boss once again, loudly orders drinks for,
everyone except the Republican.
As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Republican. He
continues to smile, and again yells, 'Thank you!'
The union boss asks the bartender, 'What the hell is the
matter, with that Republican? I have ordered three rounds of
drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly
ass does, is smile and thanks me.
Is he nuts?'
'Nope,' replies the bartender. 'He owns the place.'
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Lashondra Deniece Sandoval-Martin,
31,
Amarillo,
Texas
Amarillo National Bank robbery suspect arrested
Police have identified the suspect who attempted to rob
Amarillo National Bank's North Branch location.
Lashondra Deniece Sandoval-Martin, 31, entered the bank,
located at 712 North Taylor St., around 2:30 p.m. on Feb.
21, stating that she was going to commit a robbery.
Immediately after that, a male bank employee entered the
room.
When the female suspect turned toward the male, her
"weapon," a large water gun, made contact with him
accidentally.
He realized it was not a real gun and tried to detain or
control the suspect.
Sandoval-Martin resisted and broke away, letting the plastic
water gun clattering to the floor as she fled back out the
front door.
She was detained as she tried to enter a pickup.
When police arrived, officers saw a female matching the
description of the robbery suspect approaching or getting
into a white Dodge flatbed style pickup that was parked in
front of the bank and took her into custody.
Officers learned that the white Dodge pickup had just been
stolen from a business on Amarillo Boulevard East a few
minutes earlier.
An employee of the company that owns the Dodge had left it
running or left the keys in the vehicle, which allowed the
suspect to take it and use it in this robbery.
She was booked into the Potter County Detention Center for
aggravated robbery and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.
The driver of the Dodge has not been charged.
I wonder who DeAunt was, who gave Lashondra DeNiece her
middle name!
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Daniel
Re: not receiving your daily site
Dear Webby
I am not receiving your site in my email.i have done
everything you taught me.it,s not in the block sender
list,I contacted my isp,I canceled and reinstalled.i can
get it on the net but that’s all.any clue?
daniel
Dear Daniel
You have not done any of that.
Your ....@att.net address is still on the same spot in
the list. If you had unsubscribed and subscribed again,
your address would be at the bottom.
However, even if Yahoo had allowed you to confirm a new
subscription, it would not have made any difference.
As I have told you over a dozen times,
the problem is at Yahoo.
ATT.net is just Yahoo for those, who are embarrassed
by a Yahoo address. Behind the fake front, the email is
still Yahoo.
There is nothing I can do about Yahoo.
I have told you at least a dozen times to get a respectable
and reliable address on the side, like a Gmail address,
and to subscribe with that.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
> From Dianne:
When I was a child my family used to sometimes take
our vacations in British Columbia. We had a favorite
place to visit, mostly because of the fine fishing. It was
at a Lake that was about 30 miles long and a 1/2 mile
wide.
While we were around our campfire in the evening the
local Indians would go from camp to camp selling their
wares. They would also tell of the legends of the area.
This one legend always stuck in my mind.
It seemed that on this particular Lake two Indian Tribes
made their homes. They were, however, at war with one
another from years before.
There was an Indian maiden in one camp who was in
love with a young brave in the other camp. They used
to stand, on the shore, each on their respective side of
the lake, and chant Indian love calls to each other...
even though they were warned by their chiefs that
nothing could ever come of it.
One day they just could not stand being apart any longer.
That evening, on a cold spring night, they each jumped
into the lake and swam towards each other in the moonlight.
When they reached each other in the center of the lake,
they embraced and got a bit carried away. They lost track
of time, got hypothermia and drowned.
This act so impressed the brave's tribe that they named
the lake after the young man.
I will never forget those wonderful vacations that we spent
at "Lake Stupid".

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It
is common, almost expected, that a bride will change some-
thing on her registry at least once (dishes, color of
towels, etc.). The Customer Service Rep told her that J.C.
Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the
bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens or the
crystal...
The bride said, "No, no, keep all that. I just want to
change the name of the groom."
___________________________________________________

Here’s where the juice that powers your favorite devices comes from.

A high school senior saw an inspirational advertisement on
television about becoming a teacher. She called the number
shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the student
babbled on about how she thought she had found her life's
calling and could they send her some information.
The lady who answered the phone asked the student what
number she was calling. The student told her and there was
a pause.
Then the lady repliedÈ, "You misspelled TEACH."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 28
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad
incorporated for commercial transportation of people and
freight.
1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton
when a 12-inch gun exploded.
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn
arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS
California had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The
trip took 4 months and 21 days.
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About
50 slavery opponents began the new political group.
1881 Thomas Edison hired Samuel Insull as his private
secretary.
1883 The first vaudeville theater opened.
1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was
incorporated. The company was capitalized on only $100,000
and provided long distance service for American Bell.
1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum.
1900 In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith,
which had been under siege since November 2, 1899.
1911 Thomas A. Edison, Inc. was organized.
1940 The first televised basketball game was shown. The game
featured Fordham University and the University of Pittsburgh
from Madison Square Gardens in New York.
1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that
there were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S.,
not counting the Senate.
1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James
D. Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix
structure of DNA.
1954 In San Francisco "Birth of a Planet" was aired. It was
the first American phase-contrast cinemicrography film to be
presented on television.
1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory
core.
1962 The John Glenn for President club was formed by a group
of Las Vegas republicans.
1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations
after a break of seven years.
1979 Mr. Ed, the talking horse from the TV show "Mr. Ed",
died.
1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in
history when the final episode aired.
1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palmer was assassinated in
Stockholm.
1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed
religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest
the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal
firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed
and a 51-day standoff followed.
1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16
fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation
of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia.
1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 16-
month delay.
1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist
gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo.
2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state
of Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on
the Richter Scale. There were no deaths reported.
2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a
Muslim neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the
attack.
2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had
identified Peter Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting
"The Massacre of the Innocents." The painting was previously
thought to be by Jan van den Hoecke.
2007 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft made a gravitational
slingshot against Jupiter to change the planned trajectory
towards Pluto.
2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to
resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign
voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 23
Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
That means no email will be answered for 3 days and no
newsletters will be sent out until the Monday issue.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Ex-NYPD shrink pleads guilty to shooting husband
to be with lover. As former cop gets off easy.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 23 in
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
--- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)
I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
--- Bill Hoest
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte
History is the version of past events
that the winners have decided to agree upon.
--- Dwight D Eisenhower
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
In a high school science quiz, there was the question, "When
water becomes ice, which of its physical properties
increases?"
Everyone answered, "Its volume increases,"
except , who wrote,
"When water becomes ice, its price increases."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
After church on Sunday morning, suddenly
announced to mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to
be a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you
decide to be a minister?"
"Well," replied, "I'll have to go to church on
Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up
and yell and get paid for it, than to sit still and yawn and
having to fork over my change for it."
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Emily Dearden,
48,
New York, NY
Ex-NYPD shrink pleads guilty to shooting husband
to be with lover. As former cop gets off easy.
An ex-NYPD shrink pleaded guilty Friday to shooting her
husband in the face, allegedly so she could start a new life
with her married Texas lover.
Emily Dearden, 48, was initially charged with attempted murder
in the November 2013 shooting
but not until AFTER he filed a civil suit against her,
and faced up to 25 years in state prison. But under a
negotiated deal, she pleaded guilty in Yonkers City Court to
first-degree assault and will get just 3 1/2 years.
She remains free on $150,000 bail and will be sentenced June
7.
Emily was accused in a lawsuit by her husband, Kenneth, of
trying to execute him with an antique derringer because she
“had been having an on-and-off extramarital affair since at
least early 2011.”
She wanted to take him out of the picture to avoid a
“contentious divorce,” according to the suit.
Her lover, Warren Roudebush, ended his own marriage shortly
before the November 2013 shooting and was pressuring Emily to
do the same “so that they could be together,” according to the
court papers filed in White Plains.
“With [Kenneth] no longer in the picture, [Emily] could avoid
a contentious divorce, keep the marital home and never admit
the marriage infidelity to any family and friends,” the suit
says.
The bullet that struck Kenneth entered at the back of his
neck, near the base of his skull, passed underneath his ear
canal and lodged in his left cheek. He underwent surgeries to
remove the bullet and to repair a severed artery to his brain.
According to Kenneth’s suit, Emily claimed to have been
knocked out by an intruder.
But cops who responded to Kenneth’s 911 call “seemed
skeptical” because there were no signs of forced entry, the
home’s burglar alarm wasn’t tripped and the family’s pet
Rottweiler didn’t react, the suit says.
However, they did not charge her until AFTER he had filed a
civil suit agaisnt her.
Kenneth, a developer and vice chairman of the Yonkers
Downtown/Waterfront Business Improvement District, and Emily
have two teenage daughters and shared a colonial-style home on
Pondfield Road in a posh section of Yonkers.
Emily, who was hired in 2002, was responsible for evaluating
potential NYPD hires. She’d been on desk duty since her
arrest. On Friday after her conviction, the department
suspended her pending a disciplinary hearing to fire her.
Later in the day, she resigned.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Cindy
Re: PPS
Dear Webby
Please Help
I have received a pps document which has the most amazing
photos scenes of winter on. Now I would like to open this
document so I can copy the files in to my pc so I can use
them as wallpaper or even add them to my screen saver.
I have searched all over but can only open the application
and run it as a pps. I have attached the file so you can
view it maybe you can help, as i know you have been able
to assist me before with other issues.
many thanks.
Cindy
Dear Cindy
There is a free Microsoft PPS viewer, that lets you view it,
but it is quite limited in what you can do.
I use Libre Office 5 (Similar to Open Office 5). It lets you
view and easily copy each picture and then paste it as a new
image into the graphics program of your choice.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Darling," a husband whispered to his
wife late one night, "if I died, would
you get married again?"
"I suppose so," she replied.
"Would you sleep in the same bed
with him?"
"Well, it's the only bed in the house,
so I have no choice."
"Would you make love to him?"
"Honey," the woman said patiently,
"he would be my husband."
"Would you give him my car?"
"No," she yawned, "He can't drive a stick shift.
...
Sheeeet!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCleaning a Toaster
If your toaster is reluctant to accept the toast it's
probably because crumbs have built up to point that the
bread can no longer be pushed down all the way. Most
toasters have a handy trap door on the bottom that allows
you to remove any crumbs that have built up. First unplug
the toaster. Make sure you open it over a garbage can
or outside to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. To get
it super clean, you can use some compressed air like
you use for cleaning inside of electronic device. Never
clean the inside with water.
Turning it upside down over your bird feeder pan and
giving it percussive maintenance (slapping it around a bit),
does the trick too.
If you can't take it outside, your vacuum cleaner's crevice
tool does an excellent job. Unlike canned air, it does
not fire glass hard and sharp old crumbs at your eyes and
hair and down the front of your blouse.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Prison Flash Mob

____________________________________________________
A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles
university was quizzing a group of students on
Red Cross life saving and water safety
techniques.
They answered all of her questions easily until
she posed this one:
"Which article of clothing would you remove
last if you fell from a boat or dock fully
clothed?"
Everyone mentioned something different. It
was evident that no one knew the correct
answer, so the instructor helped out.
"The blouse," she said, "because the air gets
under the blouse and acts like a buoy!"
The subsequent uproar ended the class.
___________________________________________________

The most expensive house in the US looks very cold and sterile to me. Not my taste. Click on the web site in blue to see a video of it.

A young woman was suffering badly from hay
fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party
that night and figured she would need at least
two handkerchiefs to get her through the
evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she
stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through
the night, she had already used up one
handkerchief and was rummaging around
in her bra for the other one. She was having
trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that
everyone at the table was looking at her.
"What on earth are you doing?" asked one of
her colleagues.
She replied, "I could have sworn I had two
when I arrived".

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 23
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots.
1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden.
1792 The Humane Society of Massachusetts was incorporated.
1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in
Waltham, MA.
1821 The Philadelphia College of Apothecaries established the
first pharmacy college.
1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began.
1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista in
Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary, who attacked during
Siesta hour.
1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in
Washington to take his office after an assassination attempt
in Baltimore.
1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union.
1874 Walter Winfield patented a game called "sphairistike."
More widely known as lawn tennis.
1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria).
1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum.
1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake that
killed about 2,000.
1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield.
1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter,
"J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism and
wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus.
1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa
between the Boers and the British army.
1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone for
$10 million.
1905 The Rotary Club was founded in Chicago, IL, by Attorney
Paul Harris and three others.
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, the first radio contest was held.
1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law.
1916 The U.S. Congress authorizes the McKinley Memorial $1
gold coin.
1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito
Mussolini.
1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies,
hours of operation and power allocations for radio
broadcasters. On July 1, 1934 the name was changed to the
Federal Communications Commission (FCC).
1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial
battle with the Japanese.
1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island.
1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released.
1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the
U.S. Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. A photograph
of the Marines raising the American flag was taken.
1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio
began in Pittsburgh, PA.
1958 Juan Fangio, 5-time world diving champion, was kidnapped
by Cuban rebels.
1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a military
coup.
1970 Guyana became a republic.
1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million more
for the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been kidnapped on
February 4th.
1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new
parliament would have to decide the fate of the hostages taken
on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran.
1985 The TV show "Gimme a Break" was broadcast live before a
studio audience. It was the first TV sitcom to be seen live
since the 1950s.
1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the
border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less than
four days later the war was over due to the surrender or
withdraw of Iraqi forces.
1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his
parents.
1997 NBC-TV aired "Schindler's List." It was completely
uncensored.
1997 Ali Hassan Abu Kamal, a Palestinian teacher, opened fire
on the 86th-floor observation deck of New York City's Empire
State Building. He killed one person and wounded six more
before killing himself.
1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and
damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses.
1999 In Ankara, Turkey, Abdullah Ocalan was charged with
treason. The prosecutors were seeking the death penalty for
the Kurdish rebel leader.
1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of
kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged
behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas.
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200
feet over an oncoming train.
2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced
that it had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains of
the people killed at the World Trade Center on September 11,
2001, due to the limits of DNA technology. About 1,600 people
had been identified leaving more than 1,100 unidentified.
2017 NASA found 7 Earth-sized planets orbiting TRAPPIST-1, a
nearby star about 40 light-years over ==> thataway.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 22
Have FUN!
DearWebby
7300 Boneheads would protest quite indignantly if I gave
a Bonehead Award to these Bimbo Malfunctions.
Todays Bonehead Award:
Knoxville car theft suspect falls out of tree trying to
resist arrest
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 22 in
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists
at their first Thanksgiving dinner.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
--- Bob Edwards
I used to eat a lot of natural foods
until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
--- Kati
Many people would sooner die than think;
In fact, they do so.
--- Bertrand Russell
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Dear Son, I am writing slow because I know you can't read
fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad
read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles
of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the
address, cause the last family that lived here took the
house numbers with them so they would not have to change
their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four
shirts in it, pulled down on the handle and haven't seen
them since.
It rained twice this week, three days the first time and four
days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you,
Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the
mail with all them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and
put them in the pocket for you.
The family is fine. Your father, he has a lovely job. He
has about 500 men under him. He is cutting grass down at
the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out
yet whether it's a girl or a boy so I don't know if you are
an aunt or an uncle.
We got a bill from the funeral home the other day. They
said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's
funeral bill, up she comes.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up.
Billy Bob was driving and Willie and Joe was in the back.
Billy Bob got out, he rolled down the window and swam
to safety. The other two drowned, it seems they couldn't
get the tailgate down.
Your Uncle Leroy fell in a whiskey vat at the place where
he worked. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought
them off before he drowned. We cremated him and he
burned for three days.
Not much more news this time. Nothin' much happened.
Write more often.
Love, Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the
envelope was already sealed.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
I know the election is OVER, but this joke is just
too good to ignore:
Donald and Hillary In a Bakery
Donald and Hillary Go Into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail.
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three donuts
and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t see
anything and I don’t even need to lie. I will definitely win
the election.”
The Donald says to Hillary, “That’s the typical dishonesty you
have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and
deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same
result.”
Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a
donut and I will show you a magic trick.”
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a donut.
Trump swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one.
Then Donald asks for a third donut and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and
asks, “What did you do with the donuts?”
Trump replies, “Look in Hillary’s left pocket.”
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jacob Chosie, 34,
Knoxville,
Tennessee
Knoxville car theft suspect falls out of tree trying to
resist arrest
A car theft suspect from Tennessee was injured when he fell
from a tree while trying to elude the Lake City Police, a
report said.
A police report released by Lake City authorities said that
Jacob Chosie, 34, of Knoxville, Tenn., climbed a tree on Feb.
19. Chosie was attempting to escape on foot after reports of
an armed man that was acting suspiciously near a local motel.
The call triggered a four-hour chase in which several citizens
reported than an unnamed man tried to gain access to multiple
homes. One homeowner spotted Chosie on her home security
camera and notified the police, leading to the location of the
suspect.
When cornered, police said, Chosie climbed a tall tree nearby.
Other officers climbed nearby trees and attempted to talk the
suspect down -- to no avail.
When police tried to physically apprehend Chosie, he fell to
the base of the tree, sustaining multiple fractures.
Police are still looking for the gun Chosie is reported to
have carried and are asking citizens to call them if they see
it.
Chosie is charged with burglary, trespassing, car theft and
resisting arrest.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Richard
Re: How to type extended characters in WORD
Dear Webby
The hints that you gave about inserting the letter pi into a
Microsoft Word document works well for a limited number
of needed pi characters. If she is doing something that
requires many pi characters, a good way to handle it is
to set up an autotext entry (perhaps named pi) and then
all she has to do is type pi and press the F3 key.
It requires a space before the pi and inserts a space after
but they are easily edited out.
One advantage of autotext is that you can create an entry
for each special character you require (the entire Greek
alphabet for example) and then you do not have to
remember the codes.
It is very nice of you to help your readers with all their
computer questions.
Richard
Dear Richard
Your solution is even better!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a
small boy tying to press a doorbell on a house across the
street. However, the doorbell is just out of his reace.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest
moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across
the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his
hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the
doorbell a ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevo-
lently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy turns and yells, "NOW WE RUN!"

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"
___________________________________________________

Interesting people. Win compilation best of 2016.

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same."
Men and women are created equal, but
boys and girls are not born the same.
1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the
nose.
You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it.
Then it will hit him in the nose.
2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and
she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church
an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best,
and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to
the church, even if you are driving there.
3. Boys' rooms are always messy.
Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling
mess.
4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at
what nature has made. Then she will hit a boy with it.
A baby boy will pick up a stick and start drumming.
5. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their
bangs got cut a quarter inch too short, girls would rather
lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in
public.
6. If girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed.
If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen
fake belches.
7. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age.
At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.
8. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk,
they learn how to make sounds like a truck.
9. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry
if you turn off the TV during a movie they have already seen.
10. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 22
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists at
their first Thanksgiving dinner.
1784 "Empress of China", a U.S. merchant ship, left New York
City for the Far East.
1819 Spain ceded Florida to the United States.
1855 The U.S. Congress voted to appropriate $200,000 for
continuance of the work on the Washington Monument. The next
morning the resolution was tabled and it would be 21 years
before the Congress would vote on funds again. Work was
continued by the Know-Nothing Party in charge of the project.
1859 U.S. President Buchanan approved the Act of February 22,
1859, which incorporated the Washington National Monument
Society "for the purpose of completing the erection now in
progress of a great National Monument to the memory of
Washington at the seat of the Federal Government."
1865 In the U.S., Tennessee adopted a new constitution that
abolished slavery.
1879 In Utica, NY, Frank W. Woolworth opened his first 5 and
10-cent store.
1885 The Washington Monument was officially dedicated in
Washington, DC. It opened to the public in 1889.
1920 The first dog race track to use an imitation rabbit
opened in Emeryville, CA.
1923 The first successful chinchilla farm opened in Los
Angeles, CA. It was the first farm of its kind in the U.S.
1973 The U.S. and Communist China agreed to establish liaison
offices.
1984 The U.S. Census Bureau statistics showed that the state
of Alaska was the fastest growing state of the decade with an
increase in population of 19.2 percent.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department charged Aldrich Ames and his
wife with selling national secrets to the Soviet Union. Ames
was later convicted to life in prison. Ames' wife received a
5-year prison term.
1997 Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut and colleagues announced
that an adult sheep had been successfully cloned. Dolly was
actually born on July 5, 1996. Dolly was the first mammal to
have been successfully cloned from an adult cell.
2002 In the Philippines, an MH-47E Chinook helicopter crashed
into the ocean. All 10 men aboard were killed.
2010 A copy of "Action Comics #1" sold at auction for $1
million. The comic featured the introduction of Superman.
2010 Walmart announced it was acquiring the video streaming
company Vudu, Inc.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 21
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah woman drove off with idling and unlocked fire truck,
and to the Kearns fire department for leaving a running truck
unlocked while the entrie crew was in the 7-11.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 21 in
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was
demonstrated in Wales.
1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age
of 39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. BLM
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Television has raised writing to a new low.
--- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974)
What is the difference between unethical and ethical
advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to
deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to
deceive the public.
--- Vilhjalmur Stefansson (1879 - 1962)
I know that you believe that you understood what you
think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you
heard is not what I meant.
--- Robert McCloskey
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Frank called his mother and announced excitedly that he
had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he
do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers,
and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked
meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date
for a week later. His mother called the day after the big
date to see how things had gone.
"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.
"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.
"Oh, she came over, but she didn't know how to cook either."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they
conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was
your most difficult case?"
The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a
pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in
South America was going to die and leave him
a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to
arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he
never did anything, he merely sat around and
waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy
uncle. I worked with this man eight years."
"What was the result?"
"It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight
years, but I finally cured him.
And then that stupid letter arrived!"
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Amber Marie Welker,
39,
Kerns,
Utah
Utah woman drove off with idling and unlocked fire truck
The Bonehead Award should also go to the Kearns fire
department, not just to Amber Marie Welker.
Hereabouts everybody uses keyfob remote controls to lock and
unlock vehicles. I have not seen vehicles without electric
locks since the '80s.
A Kearns woman who police say got into the driver's seat of an
idling firetruck and drove it eight blocks before she got out
and ran off has been booked into the Salt Lake County Jail.
Amber Marie Welker, 39, was arrested for investigation of
theft and violating her parole.
About 5 p.m. Thursday, as Unified Fire Authority firefighters
were inside a 7-Eleven, 4820 W. 6200 South, police say Welker
got into the driver's seat of their idling and UNLOCKED
firetruck and drove off.
She drove eight blocks before parking the truck by a
Walgreen's, near the intersection of 6200 South and 5600 West,
then went inside the store and changed her clothes in a
restroom.
After reviewing surveillance video, Welker was spotted walking
near 6200 S. Stone Bluff Way (5500 West) and was arrested.
The firetruck did not sustain any damage. In fact, both
Unified police officers and firefighters were amazed she was
able to not only get the large vehicle moving, but drive it
rather successfully.
"I have no idea how she did it," said Unified Police Lt. Brian
Lohrke.
DUH!
Any trucker's kid learns as a toddler when daddy or mom lets
them pull or hit the big knob, long before they learn that the
word on it says BRAKE. Outside of Kearns, Utah, that is not
rocket science.
"I was shocked that she was able to drive the distance that
she did and do so without anything more than going over a
couple of curbs, which you see even experienced truck drivers
and firefighters (do)," said Unified fire spokesman Matthew
McFarland.
Welker was not only able to put the truck into gear, but she
successfully disabled the air brakes and maneuvered the
cumbersome firetruck through the streets, making turns without
hitting other cars or structures.
"Unless you're familiar with trucks that have air brakes,
like all real trucks do,
that in itself would stop a lot of people," McFarland said.
"It all happened pretty quick, I would guess she had some
working knowledge of trucks because she was pretty successful.
"And no, I don't think that everyone on the street could jump
in and drive one. They're not that straightforward. We spend
countless hours in driver's training."
Lohrke said firetrucks need to remain idling in the winter
because of the water tanks. But he believes the department was
now reviewing its policy about leaving a truck unattended.
Or maybe learn to use the keyfob remote control to lock and
unlock the doors, just like everybody else does?
Welker, whose last known address was in Kearns, was convicted
in April of assault on a police officer for biting an officer
trying to take her into custody, according to court records.
She also pleaded no contest to interfering with an arresting
officer in 2015. Court records show Welker has also been
convicted of drug-related charges and domestic violence-
related charges as well as violation of protective orders.
With people like that on the loose, they better learn about
clicking the LOCK button on the key fob. It's actually really
easy!
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Rex
Re: CD Storage
Dear Webby
What's the best way to store important CDs ?
I mean stuff that is not easily replaceable like music
CDs are.
Rex
Dear Rex
I recommend those aluminum briefcase style tool boxes
that you see with telephone repair people and mobile
computer fixers. They are about 46 x 35 x 15 cm
(18" x 14" x 6" for the British Imperial Loyalists) and quite
sturdy. If there is a fire or any reason for evacuating
quickly, you can just grab that aluminum case and run.
You can fit hundreds of CDs even with Jewel Cases into
them. The trick is to put the CDs INTO the case, not piling
them on top.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Bertha:
He didn't like my pudding
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard,
Not like his mother use to bake.
I didn't perk the coffee
And I didn't make the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
Like his mother use to do.
As I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue. So,
I turned around and boxed his ears,
Like his Mother used to do!

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStuffed Green Peppers
By Jackie H. [217 Posts, 104 Comments]
Stuffed green peppers have always been a family favorite in my
house. It is a very frugal dinner, too!
2 jumbo green peppers, cut in half
1 1/2 lb lean ground beef
1 small onion, chopped fine
1 stalk celery, chopped fine
2 cloves garlic, chopped fine
a few slices of green pepper chopped fine
1 box Zaterain's Red Beans and Rice, follow directions on the
box
2 cans Italian seasoned diced tomatoes (1 for the rice and 1
for topping the peppers)
grated Parmesan cheese (optional)
Steps:
Using a large skillet, break up up the beef with a spatula.
Add all the chopped veggies, the tomatoes, and bring to a
boil. Follow the package directions for red beans and rice.
Let this all simmer until it thickens.
Par boil the green pepper halves. Ladle some of the sauce from
the pan and put it in the casserole dish.
Lay the pepper halves in a covered casserole dish.
Using a the extra diced tomatoes, pour them on top of each
pepper.
Cover and put in a 350 degree F oven for 30 minutes, or until
you see them bubbling hot.
Interesting variation!
I boil the rice and in the meantime saute the ground beef and
oinions and garlic. Cut the pepers near the stem end, but not
as close as when using them for salad. The stem should still
be solidly in the cap. Then I cut and clean the inside with a
sharp tea spoon. When the rice is almost done, I add it to the
beef/onion mix, and stir 3/4 of can of seasones chopped
tomatoes plus oregano, cilantro, paprika, salt and pepper and
stir it gently, without making the rice mushy.
Then I put the bell peppers open end up into a casserole dish,
fill them with the mix, put the caps back onto them, pour the
remainder of the tomatoes around them, cover, and bake at 375
for 20 minutes.
I used to make fresh breadsticks as a side dish, but nowadays
I just make a tart cucumber salad for the side.
Try both recipes and tell me which one you like better!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

drum & bugle corps

____________________________________________________
Lawyer: Tell us about the fight.
Witness: I didn't see no fight.
Lawyer: Well, tell us what you did see.
Witness: I went to a dance at the Turner house, and as the
men swung around and changed partners, they would slap
each other on the shoulder, and one fellow hit harder than
the other one liked, and so the other one hit back and
somebody pulled a knife and someone else drew a
pistol and another guy came up with a rifle that had been
hidden under a bed, and the air was filled with yelling and
gun smoke and bullets.
Lawyer: You, too were shot in the fracas?
Witness: No sir, I was shot midway between the fracas
and the navel.
___________________________________________________

A very imaginative artist.

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day
and told him to come into his office. "What is your
name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new
guy."John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind
of a mamby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't
call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity
and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to
my employees by their last name only... Smith, Jones,
Baker... That's all. I am to be referred to only as
Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what
is your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
-------------------
Yeah, I remember Mr Robertson, a manager with shiny shoes.
The ONLY shiny shoes in the company, until the mysterious,
never drying mud puddle appeared around his designated
parking spot.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 21
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was
demonstrated in Wales.
1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine.
1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and
Friedrich Engels.
1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston,
MA.
1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were
distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single
page of only fifty names.
1904 The National Ski Association was formed in Ishpeming, MI.
1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France.
The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory
over Germany.
1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter.
1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the
Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the first
camera to take, develop and print a picture on photo paper all
in about 60 seconds. The photos were black and white. The
camera went on sale the following year.
1950 The first International Pancake Race was held in Liberal,
Kansas.
1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of
39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. BLM.
1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet
over the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed.
1975 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former
White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were
sentenced to 2 1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in the
Watergate cover-up.
1988 In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart
confessed to his congregation that he was guilty of an
unspecified sin. He announced that he was leaving the pulpit
temporarily. Swaggart had been linked to an admitted
prostitute.
1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah
Khomeini's death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author
Salman Rushdie "deeply offensive to the norms of civilized
behavior."
1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person
to fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed
in Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada.
2003 David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a
motorcycle accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust
of wind. Hasselhoff fractured his lower back and broke several
ribs. His wife fractured her left ankle and right wrist.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 20
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Brittney Lahcell Jones, arrested for performing sex act
inside Florida courthouse and posting video of it,
claiming thqat is how she got some charges dropped.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 20 in
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty
opinions.
--- Senator Patrick Leahy (1940 - )
Golf is a game invented by the same people who
think music comes out of a bagpipe.
--- Socratex
"Nothing deters a good man from doing what is honourable."
--- Seneca
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Annie
One day I called my son, who was a sophomore at college,
and heard this message on his answering machine:
"A is for academics; B is for beer;
It's one of those reasons we are not here."
Startled by his poem, I left him my own in response:
"M is for mom; G is for groan;
Since you have moeny left over for beer
I'll keep, what I was going to send right here."
And I did.
Next time I called, he had sold the answering machine.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play.
One said "Let's play clinic. "
"Good idea." said the other.
"You hand out the pill samples,
and I'll do the billing."
______________________________________________________
Abandoned railroad in Paris
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Brittney Lahcell Jones, 26,
Jeremiah Isiah Robinson, 35,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Brittney Lahcell Jones, arrested for performing sex act
inside Florida courthouse and posting video of it,
claiming thqat is how she got some charges dropped.
Authorities in Jacksonville, Florida announced the arrest
Brittney Lahcell Jones, the 26-year-old woman accused of
posting a video of herself performing oral sex on a man inside
a courthouse and then posting footage of the sex act on social
media.
According to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, deputies
apprehended Jones on Wednesday.
Police issued a warrant for the arrest of Jones and 35-year-
old Jeremiah Isiah Robinson on a charge of a lascivious act,
The Florida Times Union reported.
Law enforcement officials said Robinson also surrendered to
police
The video, which surfaced online back in January, showing
Brittney Lahcell Jones performing oral sex on a man in front
of what appeared to be a Duval County courtroom, the newspaper
reported.
Jones was scheduled for an arraignment on a drug charge at the
time in the Duval County Courthouse.
Afterward, she posted a message on her Twitter account, which
read, “Found a way to get my charges dropped.”
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Robbie
Re: File Explorer problem
Dear Webby
i am now running windos 7. Before, the file explorer
let me have a space in the right file list colum to show
the pix and play the music and see pix plus file comments.
Now in 7 there is no space and nothing to see how to i
get it to show what is in a file and file comments?
thanks
i send u warmth u need it1
Robbie
Dear Robbie
Click on the icon titled "Folders".
That will show the right side.
If you give it space, it will show a thumbnail of the file,
that you have highlighted on the left.
For comments on the stuff on the right side, just hover the
cursor over an item. Most files do not have comments, unless
you added them during the file creation.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie
died, a man who lived far away called his brother and
told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and
send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The
next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which
he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every
month, he finally called his brother again to find
out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do
something nice for Uncle Charlie...
.. So I rented him a tuxedo in your name."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

____________________________________________________
DOG EMAILS TO GOD
Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but
seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are they thinking?
Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch?
Or is it the same old story?
Dear God, Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have
six inch legs?
Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions,
hand signals, pee-mail, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers,
scent IDs, electromagnetic energyfields, and Frisbee flight
paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone?
I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time,
but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.
___________________________________________________

A mysterious cabin hidden deep in the woods.

Jack was living in Australia during a heat wave when the
following took place.
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained
Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do
you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn
like this?"
"They probably think that I married you for your
money."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 20
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London.
1792 U.S. President George Washington signed the Postal
Service Act that created the U.S. Post Office.
1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal
government was greater than that of any individual state.
1815 The USS Constitution, under Captain Charles Stewart
fought the British ships Cyane and Levant. The Constitution
captures both, but lost the Levant after encountering a
British squadron. The Constitution and the Cyane returned to
New York safely on May 15, 1815. The Cyane was purchased and
became the USS Cyane.
1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District of
Columbia.
1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that
manufactured paper bags.
1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick
manufacturing machine.
1880 The American Bell Company was incorporated.
1901 The first territorial legislature of Hawaii convened.
1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the Oakland
Bay Bridge.
1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional
action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition.
1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German
aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II.
1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world
three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American
to orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury
capsule. Glenn witnessed the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while
in flight.
1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands
of pictures of its surface.
1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City,
UT. The blast was blamed on the Unabomber.
1993 Two ten-year-old boys were charged by police in
Liverpool, England, in the abduction and death of a toddler.
The two boys were later convicted.
1998 American Tara Lipinski, at age 15, became the youngest
gold medalist in winter Olympics history when she won the
ladies' figure skating title at Nagano, Japan.
2001 FBI Agent Robert Phillip Hanssen was arrested and charged
with spying for the Russians for 15 years.
2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train
killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65.
2003 In West Warwick, RI, 100 people were killed and more than
230 were injured when fire destroyed the nightclub The
Station. The fire started with sparks from a pyrotechnic
display being used by Jack Russel's Great White. Ty Longley,
guitarist for the band, was one of the victims in the fire.
2008 The U.S. Navy destroyed an inoperable spy satellite with
a missile from the USS Lake Erie and turned it into shrapnel.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 19
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Massachusetts woman drinks wine in front of cops after
crashing her car into oncoming traffic.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 19 in
1856 The tintype camera was patented by
Professor Hamilton L. Smith.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Anybody who has doubts about the ingenuity or the
resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.
--- George Meany
Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at
science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?
--- Kelvin Throop III
Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels
personally responsible when he makes a hole in one.
--- Socratex
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls
while they are still rolling.
--- Mark Twain
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Barb
Moron Malfunctions:
Ever looked up the education credentials of Hollywood and
New York soothsayers?
Most of them rely on knowledge clouds drifting across the
Pacific, perhaps from an Asian mystic who wears lots of
colorful beads.
The mystic has brought them deep understanding of economics,
governance, military affairs and especially science. It
inspires bold words on most topics.
LEONARDO DeCAPRIO's self-declared climate expertise enables
him to speak on the world's environmental issues with a
high-school education. He never took a college biology,
chemistry, physics or climatology course, yet he knows more
than most scientists. He proved that by addressing climate
change before a full gathering of the UN.
SEAN PENN's quick takes on everything put him at the lofty
level of an Einstein. He visited Iraq once and became an
expert on that country. The same for Iran. He also became
buddies with the brutal Venezuelan communist Hugo Chavez and
consistently lauded that murderous thug. Now that Chavez is
gone and Venezuelans are raiding dumpsters for food scraps,
Penn is having a rare silent moment. Penn deserves some
credit for becoming a world-affairs genius based on two
years of auto mechanics classes at Santa Monica College.
KATY PERRY's passion about politics and economics freed her
to quit high school at 15 without compromising her expert
status. Asked the square root of 64, the name given the
Constitution's first 10 amendments and to explain PE ratio,
her answer might be, "Republicans are for the rich." She
recently demonstrated wizardry by making an anti-Trump
video. It suggested the new president would commit acts
similar to forced World War II lockups of loyal Japanese-
Americans. Perry probably did not know the internment plan
was developed and executed by DEMOCRAT President Roosevelt.
ROBERT DeNIRO must also be a quick learner. He acquired
amazing scientific knowledge before dropping out of high
school. He knows so much about geology that he joined
Artists Against Fracking. (All the producing wells in his
native Manhattan must have provided first-hand experience.)
He's also an expert on pediatric medicine, enabling him to
speak often against vaccinating infants and children.
HARRY BELAFONTE is another multiple-subject whiz who needed
little formal education. Some people might think this
talented singer might limit his words to songs since his IQ
is so low. Don't worry. Despite advancing age, he remains
expert on most things. When black people of greater
intelligence (that's most black people) say something
moderate or conservative, he hurls the N word at them.
Decades ago, he loudly denounced Reagan's elimination of
CETA, the Comprehensive Employment Training Act. It was one
of the most wasteful federal programs ever -- many vanished
dollars, few jobs. Belafonte tore into Reagan during an
interview Finally, the interviewer asked Belafonte what CETA
stood for. Belafonte had no clue. He knew almost nothing
about the act.
ROSIE O'DONNELL was my personal favorite long before her
hateful remark that Trump's 10-year-old son looked autistic.
Her coarse philosophy must be that if you say something
loudly, it need not be correct. Her bombast probably created
lots of turmoil with both the women she "married." She also
must have skipped chemistry during her high-school
education. Otherwise, she would have not have offered
"proof" that 9/11 was an inside job. She often bellowed that
planes could not have brought down the Twin Towers because
"steel doesn't burn." This constant jackass must not know
that high temperatures DO reduce steel's strength.
AL SHARPTON would be America's greatest at-large criminal,
if not for Hillary's tens of millions swapped for influence
and favors. Sharpton owes nearly $5 million in delinquent
taxes to IRS and New York state. Makes you wonder why
NBC/MSNBC would ever hire him. Sharpton accumulated vast
theological knowledge by age 9, when he was "ordained" as a
preacher. He didn't need more than a high-school education
to keep marching forward. His most successful high school
class must have been Shystehood. Despite one scandal after
another, his 2004 run for president stands out. The Federal
Election Commission forced him to return $100,000 in
taxpayer money provided by FEC. One of many abuses was his
$145,146 charge for "Campaign letter preparation --
Kinko's." Later, FEC fined Sharpton $285,000.
JULIA ROBERTS proves that physical beauty does not ensure a
beautiful brain. She had a fling at Georgia State University
before pursuing acting lessons and joining a modeling group.
Her acting and modeling skills guided her to such thoughtful
observations as "Republican" comes between "reptile" and
"repugnant" in the dictionary. Impressed?
BROOKE SHIELDS, an Obama supporter, verifies the Roberts
theory -- that physical beauty does not guarantee a
beautiful brain. During her days as a boisterous animal-
rights supporter, Shields had a mink coat custom-made.
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN could have been No. 1 on this list. He
squabbled with nuns when in Catholic school. Transferring to
a public school, he thought so little of the education
experience that he skipped graduation. Had he gone to
college, he might have majored in Hate 101. That's what we
hear when he's not singing. He claims Trump is a "moron" who
advocates "white nationalism." Springsteen demonstrates the
analytical skills' void of most show-biz folk when he
laments America's industrialization decline. Somebody please
whisper to Springsteen that his party's business-crunching
regulations and world-leading corporate tax rate compels
U.S. manufacturers to go elsewhere.
Finally, two others are outside the entertainment world,
disqualifying them from winning an Oscar, Emmy or Grammy.
Politicians Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters do compete for
the Rock Head of the Year trophy each time they speak.
Pelosi frequently wins with comments like needing to pass a
bill "so we can find out what's in it." Waters has already
locked up the 2017 trophy for suggesting a Trump impeachment
over his campaign antics. Listen closely, Maxine. Presidents
can be impeached only for what they do in office.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender,
"Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!"
The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks
them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink
that fast."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if
you had what I have."
The bartender says "Oh my God! What is it? What do
you have?"
A hole in my pants where my wallet used to be.
______________________________________________________
There used to be a bridge from a restaurant to the stairs,
but it collapsed due to lack of maintenance.
From FB
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Erin Lynch,
37,
Hingham,
Massachusetts
Massachusetts woman drinks wine in front of cops after
crashing her car into oncoming traffic.
A Massachusetts woman took the saying “love the wine your
with” too far on Valentine’s Day when she continued drinking
in front of officers after crashing her car, according to
WPBF.
Erin Lynch, 37, allegedly drove over the center line and hit
an oncoming car, according to Hingham police.
This driver was arrested on Valentines Day night after
crossing over center line on Rockland Street and hitting an
oncoming car. She continued to drink from the wine bottle
after the crash after Officers asked for her license. The
driver of the car that was hit was seat belted and not
injured. This driver was arrested for drunk driving and
other charges.
When the officer approached Lynch, he spotted a bottle of
wine and wine glass in the passenger seat of the car,
according to police.
Officers say instead of getting her license, Lynch drank
from a bottle of wine. On their Twitter account, Hingham
Police shared photos of a wine glass in the center console
of Lynch’s car.
EMS arrived later and placed an “uncooperative” Lynch on a
stretcher and transported her to South Shore Hospital, where
she was sobered up prior to be placed under arrest.
She must have looked really rough before they sobered her
up!
Lynch was charged with operating under the influence,
driving to endanger, a marked lane violation, an open
container violation and a seat belt violation.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Amanda
Re: Descriptive picture names
Dear Webby
I was told to use decriptive names for pictures instead of
just numbers, but now they don't show up any more. They
show OK on my computer, but not on the web.
Amanda
Dear Amanda
When the web was invented, it was decided that names have
NO spaces in them. Then the Mac people gave in to Arab
influence and allowed spaces in file names. A few years
later Microsoft got paranoid about the Mac having something
that Microsoft didn't have, and without thinking about it,
followed suit.
Well, the people in charge of the web thought and still
think that spaces within names are stooopid and just a
silly nuisance on the web. They really are, and they slow
down browsing, because when the message comes back
that there is no such file (with just the first portion),
then some browsers add "%20", a space filler, and send
another request out. If you have half a dozen words in your
"descriptive file name", that wastes a lot of time.
Just fill the gaps with underscores or the minus sign, and
the files will show properly on all browsers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Lilly:
Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to
decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on
restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and
Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped.
Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men's
room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One
was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated
"Cactus."
Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee.
"Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," he said, gesturing
toward the doors, "Which one should I use?"
"Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee
said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco
and Cactus are our private dining rooms."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comBlack Bean Stuffed Bell Peppers
This recipe is a delicious variation on the typical ground
beef stuffed peppers.
By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments]
Total Time: 55-65 minutes
Yield: 8 servings
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cup water
1 (3 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened
2 cups cooked brown rice
2 cups baby spinach, chopped
1 (10 oz.) Rotel diced tomatoes with green chiles
1 (15 oz.) can black beans, rinsed and drained
1/2 small onion, finely diced
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp dried oregano
4 large green bell peppers,
1/2 cup cheddar cheese, grated
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Add water to a 9 x 13 inch
baking dish. Set aside.
Wash bell peppers, then cut them in half lengthwise. Remove
the stems, seeds, and membranes.
Fill a large pot with water and bring to a boil. Put pepper
halves into the boiling water and boil for 5 minutes.
Remove peppers from pot and pat dry. Set aside.
prepared pepper halves
Put onion into a pan with a little oil. Cook until
transparent and tender.
NOTE: I had a pepper half that had some soft spots, so after
removing those, I diced it up and cooked it with the onion.
saute onions
Put cream cheese into a bowl and stir until smooth.
Add cooked rice, tomatoes, and onions. Then add cumin and
oregano. Stir to combine.
Mix in black beans, then add spinach; stir to combine.
Stuff each pepper half with filling. Then place pepper
halves in baking dish and top with cheese.
Bake for 35-45 minutes or until filling is bubbly and
peppers are tender.

why women are
different from men

____________________________________________________
>From Martin:
When the wise company president learned that his
employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis
during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo:
To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hours,
please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know
you're drunk than to think you're stupid.
___________________________________________________

A mysterious cabin hidden deep in the woods.

The mother of a problem child was advised by a
psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried
about your son. I am going to give you a prescription
for some tranquillizers that I want you to start
taking regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have
the tranquilizers calmed you down any?"
"Oh, yes" the mother answered. "They do wonders for me."
"And how is your son now?" he asked.
"Who cares?" she replied.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 19
1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the
United States took place. Texas had officially become a
state on December 29, 1845.
1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton
L. Smith.
1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player (the
phonograph).
1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcoholic
beverages.
1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order
giving the military the authority to relocate and intern
Japanese-Americans.
1942 The New York Yankees announced that they would admit
5,000 uniformed servicemen free to each of their home ball
games during the coming season.
1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the
Australian city of Darwin.
1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed
on Iwo Jima.
1953 The State of Georgia approved the first literature
censorship board in the U.S. Newspapers were excluded from
the new legislation.
1959 Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of
an agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece.
1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it
would withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba.
1981 The U.S. State Department calls El Savador a "textbook
case" of a Communist plot.
1981 Ford Motor Company announced a loss of $1.5 billion.
1985 Mickey Mouse was welcomed to China as part of the 30th
anniversary of Disneyland. The touring mouse played 30
cities in 30 days.
1985 William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart
patient to leave the confines of the hospital.
1985 Cherry Coke was introduced by the Coca-Cola Company.
1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide.
The pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for
ratification.
1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station.
1987 A controversial, anti-smoking publice service
announcement aired for the first time on television. Yul
Brynner filmed the ad shortly before dying of lung cancer.
Brynner made it clear in the ad that he would have died from
cigarette smoking before ad aired.
1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was
the last of China's major revolutionaries.
2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal
emission imaging system to map Mars.
2004 Former Enron Corp. chief executive Jeffrey Skilling was
charged with fraud, insider trading and other crimes in
connection with the energy trader's collapse. Skilling was
later convicted and sentenced to more than 24 years in
prison.
2005 The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. It
was the last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines.
2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother
Raul was named as his successor.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 18
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Man, 76, Shot Wife In Butt Over Lack of Sex after
6 years of dating and 6 months of marriage.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 17 in
1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established
Fort St. Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the
basis for France's claim to Texas.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man,
and writing an exact man.
--- Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626)
Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a
president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since
he told me that, I stopped worrying.
--- Ronald Reagan
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Mother: "Soooo... you want to become my son-in-law."
Suitor: "No, not really. But it seems to be the punishment
for marrying your daughter."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
You may not know that many non living things have a gender.
For example:
1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold
everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off,
it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but
can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over
inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, of course,
there's the hot air component.
5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable
and retain water.
6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to
pick people up.
8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight
can shift to the bottom.
9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over
the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) Remote Control -- Female. Ha! You thought it'd be Male.
But consider this: It gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost
without it, and while he doesn't always know the right
buttons to push, he keeps trying.
11) Computer -- Female. The most popular operating system
for home use is Windows, and Windows definitely uses Blonde
Logic and PMS inspired user interface.
-----------------------
Let's see if you can add to this and bring it to 100 !
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Donald Royce,
76,
Lehigh Acres,
Floriduh
Man, 76, Shot Wife In Butt Over Lack of Sex after
6 years of dating and 6 months of marriage.
Angered that he had yet to consummate his six-month-old
marriage, a 76-year-old Florida man allegedly shot his new
bride in the buttocks, according to police who arrested the
septuagenarian for felony domestic violence.
Donald Royce, pictured above, was arrested Saturday night
after firing a pair of shots at his 62-year-old spouse in
the bedroom of the couple’s Lehigh Acres residence. He is
being held in the Lee County jail in lieu of $100,000 bail.
Royce "explained that they have been married since August
and they have still not consummated their marriage,”
according to a probable cause statement prepared by a police
detective. “She got Donald violently angry tonight due to
his requesting sex and her refusing.”
During questioning by cops, Royce said that he had been
arguing with his wife about their sleeping arrangements when
he decided to fire into the bed to scare her. But Royce said
he missed the mattress, instead striking the victim in the
hip and buttocks.
“Donald then stated he only wanted to shoot the mattress but
was upset when he realized he had shot his wife,” an
investigator noted. When sheriff’s deputies first arrived at
his home, Royce declared, “I shot her and the gun is in my
room.”
Royce’s wife was transported to Lee Memorial Hospital, where
she was treated and released. A judge has ordered Royce to
have no contact with his wife.
Royce and his wife--who had been together for six years--
were wed in August 2016 at the county clerk’s office in Fort
Myers. After 6 years of teasing and promising, the bonehead
still did not catch on that he was wasting his time.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Betty
Re: Invisible text
Dear Webby
Comments:
HI, I just tried to send 2 cards. Everything else was
alright except it would not show the messages.
Thank you
Betty
Dear Betty
If you customize a card, make sure you pick a contrasting
text and background combo, unless you want to have invisible
text that only shows up when you wipe the mouse over it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Carol for this joke:
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by
two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide
back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never
having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it
is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement,
a large, old lady went up to the moving walls and pressed a
button.
The walls opened and the lady went inside between them
into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the
small circular numbers above the walls light up
sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number
and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous
24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father said quietly to his son: "Go get your mother."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comRust Stains From My Washing Machine
By guest (Guest Post)
Iron Out is amazing. I was having a problem with my whites
suddenly becoming orange and now they are whiter than
anything in the house. I also use Mrs. Stewarts bluing for
my whites usually but it just wasn't helping with the rust.
Now- beautiful clothes and no icky residue on the inside of
my washer either. I am very happy with that product.

why women are
different from men

____________________________________________________
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband
has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday
afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more
and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally
pulls into the driveway.
"What happened?" asked the wife. "You should have been
home hours ago!"
"Gus had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the
husband.
"Oh, that's terrible," said the wife.
"I know," the husband answered. "All day long it was,
hit the ball, drag Gus, hit the ball, drag Gus . . . "
___________________________________________________

12 Cool Camouflage Animals and Insects

The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch.
"We were married twenty-five years before he died,"
she said, dabbing away a tear.
"Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by sixty pounds and he was a chicken."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 18
1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome. He did the
original painting of the Sixtine Chapel in Rome. It
contained a fair bit of nudity and was "corrected" and made
politically correct in the 1970s.
1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established Fort St.
Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the basis for
France's claim to Texas.
1841 The first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate
began. It lasted until March 11th.
1861 In Montgomery, AL, Jefferson Davis was inaugurated as
the President of the Confederate States.
1885 Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was
published in the U.S. for the first time.
1913 The famous French painting "Nude Descending a
Staircase", by the French artist, Marcel Duchamp, was
displayed at an "Armory Show" in New York City.
1930 Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an
airplane.
1930 The planet Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh. The
discovery was made as a result of photographs taken in
January 1930.
1952 Greece and Turkey became members of NATO.
1970 The Chicago Seven defendants were found innocent of
conspiring to incite riots at the 1968 Democratic national
convention.
1972 The California Supreme Court struck down the state's
death penalty.
1977 The space shuttle Enterprise went on its maiden
"flight" sitting on top of a Boeing 747.
1998 In Russia, money shortages resulted in the shutting
down of three plants that produced nuclear weapons.
1998 In Nevada, two white separatists were arrested and
accused of plotting a bacterial attack on subways in New
York City.
2000 The U.S. Commerce Department reported a deficit in
trade goods and services of $271.3 billion for 1999. It was
the largest calender-year trade gap in U.S. history.
2001 NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., was killed in a
crash during the Daytona 500 race.
2001 FBI agent Robert Philip Hanssen was arrested and
accused of spying for Russia for more than 15 years. He
later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to life in prison
without parole.
2003 In South Korea, at least 120 people were killed when a
man lit a fire on a subway train.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, February 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the
troops!
Thank you, Ian!
Today, in 1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead.
How is THAT for an important bit of history, that you can
brag about?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Suspect Flips Car, Keep Rolling During High-Speed Chase
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 17 in
1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets
of Baltimore, MD.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
--- Woody Allen (1935 - )
The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling
is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.
--- James Baldwin
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared
to swear that only the other one snores.
--- Terry Pratchett
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Nina
I was escorted to a wedding by my twenty-four-year-old
bachelor son. He appeared unaffected by the ceremony
until the bride and groom lighted a single candle with
their candles and then blew out their own. With that he
brightened and whispered, "I've never seen that done
before."
I whispered back, "You know what it means, don't you?"
His response: "No more old flames?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Here are Biblical bloopers from Sunday school students:
FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT
-------------------------------------------
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got
tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire
by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
jezebel like Delilah.
Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread made without any
ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the
apple.
The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led
the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his
son to stand still and he obeyed him
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He
fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in
the biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and
700 porcupines. He probably needed them to protect him
from the 300 wives when they started arguing.
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Malik Deshai Shoulders,
18
Ft Worth,
Texas
Suspect Flips Car, Keep Rolling During High-Speed Chase
A driver fleeing a traffic stop flipped his vehicle several
times, landed upright and continued to lead deputies on a
high-speed chase before capture over the weekend, according
the Kershaw County Sheriff’s Office.
According to authorities, a Kershaw County deputy observed
Malik Deshai Shoulders, 18, of Ft. Worth, Texas, driving at
a speed of 105mph on Interstate 20 around 10 p.m. on Friday,
When the deputy attempted to pull him over, Shoulders sped
up and led the deputy on a high-speed chase toward Columbia,
according the Sheriff’s Office.
After exiting at US-601 and turning on to Lachicotte Road,
Shoulders lost control of his car, flipping it 2 to 3 times
before landing upright. A dash cam video shows the car
getting back on theroad and continuing to drive toward US-1
in Lugoff.
As Shoulders approached US-1, he attempted to make a right
turn and once again lost control of his car, crossed US-1
and ended up in Raspberry Court strip mall, where his car
eventually came to a stop, deputies say. At that point,
Shoulders struggled with a deputy in an attempt to the stay
in the car. Fighting with the cops will add a dumb-ass
felony.
After they finally removed him from the badly-damaged
vehicle and arrested him, deputies say Shoulders told them
he ran because he had marijuana in his car and didn’t have a
driver’s license.
Shoulders is charged with failure to stop for a blue light,
possession of marijuana, no valid driver’s license and
speeding in excess of 25mph over the limit. He remains in
the Kershaw County Detention Center, where he awaits a bond
hearing.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bernard
Re: Does trading links help?
Dear Webby
Does trading links help to get a better listing in the
search engines?
Bernard
Dear Bernard
No, and Yes.
If you are referring to trading links with a spam-slut from
an unrelated site, then the answer is NO.
The search engines will penalize and probably dump you.
If you are talking about in-context links, where you are
referring to a site that has deeper details or additional
information about your topic, then the links count in your
favor.
Keep in mind that the search engines are spending Billions
of dollars to be relevant and able to deliver exactly what
the visitors are looking for. They don't like it at all when
you listen to con-artists pretending to be Search Engine
Optimizers and experiment with sleazy tricks to try to get
around the Search Engine's quest for relevancy and accuracy.
Unless you want to be lumped in with spammers and caught
cheaters, just trash that spam and forget it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
When the employees of a restaurant here attended a fire
safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate
the proper way to operate an extinguisher.
"Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then
press the trigger to release the foam."
Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled
fire in the parking lot. In an open 45 gallon drum that was
partially filled with water and carefully topped off with a
layer of motor oil, then a layer of diesel, a big, smoky
fire was burning quite lively.
In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.
The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"
In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin ...
and slam-dunked the extinguisher into the fire.

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStarting Seeds in the Snow
By Donna [384 Posts, 399 Comments]
A class showed us how to start seeds in the snow! Simply
punch holes for air and drainage in an empty gallon
container, slice it partially open, but not completely.
Leave a small section as a 'hinge' (See photo.) Fill with
seedling soil and seeds, tape lid closed, write the date and
the seeds you planted in the jug and place OUTSIDE, by a
wall for a little extra protection and close enough to check
on them.
When the weather warms up enough (check moisture through cap
hole and gently sprinkle if it needs moisture.) The seeds
will start sprouting themselves when their weather
conditions are right! Plus they will be hardened for
transplanting too!
Think spring!
Source: Penn State Extension Service

Coke

____________________________________________________
Why men wear earrings:
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker
is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in
"fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were
into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he
replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his
curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been
wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
___________________________________________________

People are awesome! Best of the week 2017.

Latreesha went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The
office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them
to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they
all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?"
he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said.
"Then I just use their last name!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 17
1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets
of Baltimore, MD.
1865 Columbia, SC, burned. The Confederates were evacuating
and the Union Forces were moving in.
1876 Julius Wolff was credited with being the first to can
sardines.
1878 In San Francisco, CA, the first large city telephone
exchange opened. It had 18 phones.
1897 The National Congress of Mothers was organized in
Washington, DC, by Alice McLellan Birney and Phoebe Apperson
Hearst. It was the forerunner of the National PTA.
1924 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the
100-yard freestyle. He did it with a time of 57-2/5 seconds
in Miami, FL.
1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years
after Chic Young’s popular strip first debuted.
1934 The first high school automobile driver’s education
course was introduced in State College, PA.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Eniwetok Atoll
began. U.S. forces won the battle on February 22, 1944.
1947 The Voice of America began broadcasting to the Soviet
Union.
1992 In Milwaukee, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was
sentenced to life in prison. In November of 1994, he was
beaten to death in prison.
1995 Colin Ferguson was convicted of six counts of murder in
the December 1993 Long Island Rail Road shootings. He was
later sentenced to a minimum of 200 years in prison.
1996 World chess champion Garry Kasparov beat the IBM
supercomputer "Deep Blue" in Philadelphia, PA.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 16
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Virginia man gets life sentence for killing Harlem
dad in 'monstrous' shooting
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 16 in
1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the U.S.
Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken by
pirates.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.
--- Gladys Bronwyn Stern
England and America are two countries separated
by a common language.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An Octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town
and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for
the first time to play but was told there wasn't anybody he
could play with because they were already out on the course.
He repeated several times that he really wanted to play.
Finally the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and
would give him a 12 stroke handicap. The 80 year old said,
"I really don't need a handicap as I have been playing quite
well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand
traps." And he did play well.
Coming onto the 18th the old man had a long drive, but it
landed in one of the sand traps around the hole. Shooting
from the sand trap he hit a very high ball which landed on
the green and rolled into the hole!
The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was
still standing. He said "Nice shot, but I thought you said
you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"
"I do!" replied the Octogenarian, "Please give me a hand."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A young lad and his mother were walking down the street one
day, when suddenly the boy yelled out excitedly,
"Mother, Mother, look at that bowlegged man!"
His mother immediately hushed him explaining it was not
polite to make fun of bowlegged people.
The next day the same thing happened, "Look mother, there's
that bowlegged man!"
The mother grabbed the lad by the arm saying, "When we get
home you'll be taught a lesson for this outburst."
When they got home, she gave her son a work by Shakespeare,
"Go to your room and read this book. You can't come out
until you have finished it. Maybe you will learn something
from this."
A few days later they were walking down the same street when
the boy spotted two bowlegged cowboys. And the boy said,
"Hark! What manner of men are these,
Who weareth their legs in parentheses?"
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

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the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Bryan Rogers,
31,
Virginia
Virginia man gets life sentence for killing Harlem dad
in 'monstrous' shooting
A Manhattan judge threw the book at a Virginia man Wednesday
for the "monstrous" murder of a Harlem father who died in
his elderly mother's arms.
"This was senseless, absolutely senseless. It's monstrous,"
Manhattan Supreme Court Justice A. Kirke Bartley told Bryan
Rogers, 31, as he handed down a life sentence.
After expressing condolences to the victim's family and
telling them he meant "no disrespect," Rogers said, "If you
all had told the truth, everything would have been better."
The victim's brothers and son inhaled sharply in the
audience, visibly stunned by Rogers’ accusation that they
had lied on the witness stand in November when they said he
was the aggressor.
When Rogers took the stand, he testified that his
girlfriend, Logan Wilson, fired the shots that killed her
uncle, Todd Wilson, 48, in the hallway of a building in the
Manhattanville Houses where the Wilson family had lived a
long time.
The judge disagreed with Rogers, accepting the testimony of
family members who said the killer fired four shots into
Wilson after the victim insisted that Rogers leave the
apartment in the middle of the night because the family had
to go to work in the morning.
"You threw your life away each time you pulled the trigger —
not once, not twice, not three times, but four times," the
judge told Rogers.
Bartley said he was touched by the testimony of Wilson's
mother, who described having her youngest son die in her
arms, and by the image of Wilson's teenage child having to
"watch his father breathing his last breath."
Assistant District Attorney Mark Dahl — who’d asked the
judge to sentence Rogers to 25 years to life — read a long
letter from the victim's niece, Logan Wilson, who detailed
how Rogers abused her verbally, physically, mentally and
emotionally for years prior to the August 2014 shooting.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Steve
Re: Duplicate files
Dear Webby
As I have upgraded my laptop every few years, I now have a
great number of duplicate files and folders. Is there a way
to find duplicate files and photos? Easily?
Thank you.
Steve
Dear Steve
There are hundreds of duplicate finders and de-duplicators
available on the net. It seems every programming student has
to write one or improve one and put his name on it.
Some claim to compare pictures. Those are naturally very
slow. The ones, that just compare file name and size, are
quite fast.
Here is one trick I use:
Make a DUMP folder for receiving files.
Use Everything Search from
http://www.voidtools.com/.
Yeah, verily I have recommended that program
countless times.
Tell it to search for pictures, and put *.jpg
into the search line.
The first time it indexes your drives, all of them,
it takes a few minutes, especially if you have
big drives.
Then click on the first found JPG file,
hit CTRL A to select ALL,
then SHIFT-drag them all to your new DUMP directory.
The first time it encounters a duplicate, Windows will
squawk and ask you if you want to overwrite or skip or
rename.
I choose Overwrite.
That gets rid of the duplicates in a hurry.
You can, of course, rename the duplicates,
but I found that a big waste of time.
You will still have a lot of duplicates, especially from
your email area.
Look at the DUMP folder with your graphics program
set to browse thumbnails.
Tell it to SORT by size.
That may take a while!
When sorted, you will have thousands of the thilly
Incredimail nuisance dodads and lines and buttons
at the top. Click on the top one, hold down SHIFT
and scoot down to where collectable pictures begin.
CTRL Delete THAT selection.
Then trim from the bottom up.
A lot of the very large stuff is crap, that you don't
really want to keep.
Alternate like that, tag from the top down and from
the bottom up.
It is still a bit time consuming, but you are at the same
time also weeding out stuff, that is not worth keeping.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Dana for this one:
Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something
really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized,
they made up.
However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had
done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you
keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive
and forget.'"
"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that
I've forgiven and forgotten."

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comUse a K Cup for Seed Starter
To start your new plants use a K cup after drinking your
coffee. Add a little dirt to your K cup and add your seed.
The cup already has a hole in the bottom which is perfect
for draining.

foot puppets

____________________________________________________
After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were
discussingthe results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great
for us! We gained four new families."
The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We
gained six new families."
The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than
that! We got rid of our ten biggest trouble makers!"
___________________________________________________

Renaissance paintings photo shopped into the present.

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are inde-
pendent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you
call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're
home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words,
every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 16
1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the U.S.
Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken by
pirates.
1857 The National Deaf Mute College was incorporated in
Washington, DC. It was the first school in the world for
advanced education of the deaf. The school was later renamed
Gallaudet College.
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, about 14,000 Confederate
soldiers surrendered to Gen. Ulysses S. Grant at Fort
Donelson, TN.
1868 The Jolly Corks organization, in New York City, changed
it name to the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks
(BPOE).
1883 "Ladies Home Journal" began publication.
1914 The first airplane flight between Los Angeles and San
Francisco took place.
1918 Lithuania proclaimed its independence.
1923 Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of Egyptian
Pharaoh Tutankhamen. The next day he entered the chamber
with several invited guests. He had originally found the
tomb on November 4, 1922.
1932 The first fruit tree patent was issued to James E.
Markham for a peach tree which ripens later than other
varieties.
1937 Wallace H. Carothers received a patent for nylon.
Carothers was a research chemist for Du Pont.
1938 The U.S. Federal Crop Insurance program was authorized.
1945 During World War II, U.S. troops landed on the island
of Corregidor in the Philippines.
1946 The first commercially designed helicopter was tested
in Connecticut.
1948 NBC-TV began airing its first nightly newscast, "The
Camel Newsreel Theatre", which consisted of Fox Movietone
newsreels.
1858 The ironing board was patented by William Vandenburg
and James Harvey.
1959 Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba after the overthrow
of President Fulgencio Batista.
1960 The U.S.S. Triton began the first circumnavigation of
the globe under water. The trip ended on May 10.
1968 In the U.S., the first 911 emergency telephone system
was inaugurated in Haleyville, AL.
1970 Joe Frazier began his reign as the undefeated
heavyweight world champion when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis
in five rounds. He lost the title on January 22, 1973, when
he lost for the first time in his professional career to
George Foreman.
1985 "Kojak" returned to network television after an absence
of seven years with the CBS-TV special, "Kojak: The Belarus
File."
1987 John Demjanjuk went on trial in Jerusalem. He was
accused of being "Ivan the Terrible", a guard at the
Treblinka concentration camp. He was convicted, but the
Israeli Supreme Court overturned the ruling when the real
"Ivan the Terrible" showed up.
1989 Investigators in Lockerbie, Scotland, announced that a
bomb hidden inside a radio-cassette player was the reason
that Pan Am Flight 103 was brought down the previous
December. All 259 people aboard and 11 on the ground were
killed.
1999 A bomb exploded at the government headquarters in
Uzbekistan. Gunfire followed the incident. The event
apparently was an attempt on the life of President Islam
Karimov.
1999 Kurds seized embassies and held hostages across Europe
following Turkey's arrest of Kurdish rebel leader Abdullah
Ocalan.
1999 Testimony began in the Jasper, TX, trial of John
William King. He was charged with murder in the gruesome
dragging death of James Byrd Jr. King was later convicted
and sentenced to death.
2002 The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested
after dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage sheds
and scattered around in the surrounding woods.
2005 The Kyoto global warming pact went into effect in 140
nations.
2005 The NHL announced the cancellation of the 2004-2005
season due to a labor dispute. It was the first time a major
sports league in North America lost an entire season to a
labor dispute.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 15
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
MMA fighter Roshaun Jones arrested for double murder
during armed robbery
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 14 in
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca
Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive
nuclear waste. After a few Billion dollars worth of work had
been done, the Democrats stopped the project.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of
folly is to fill the world with fools.
--- Herbert Spencer
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
One time during the underway watch the Officer Of the Day
decided to test my seamanship.
"What would you do if the forward watch fell off the side
of the ship?"
"Easy, sir, I'd call 'Man Overboard' and follow the Man
Overboard procedures."
"What would you do if an officer fell overboard?"
"Hmmm," I said, "Which one, sir?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Tina decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't
sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she
knew that her friend next door had recently done the same
job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy
for your bedroom?"
"Fifteen," said Buffy.
So the girl bought the fifteen rolls of paper and did the
job, but she had seven rolls left over.
"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the
bedroom, but I've got seven left over!"
"Yeah!" said Buffy. "I did too."
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Roshaun Jones,
33,
Del Mar,
Oklahoma
MMA fighter Roshaun Jones arrested for double murder
during armed robbery
Professional fighter Roshaun Jones was arrested and charged
with two counts of first-degree murder on Thursday in
Oklahoma.
Police believe Jones, who last fought at a Bellator event in
2015, shot and killed two people in a botched armed robbery
at the Laundry Station in Del Mar on Monday.
One of the victims, Nekia Jackson, was on shift as the day
manager of the establishment, while the other, 60-year-old
Russ Roberts, was a customer who happened to be in the store
when Jones tried to rob it.
Roberts tried to help Jackson while the robbery was
happening when Jones allegedly turned the gun on them both,
according to KFOR.
Another customer walked in later to the pair of dead bodies
and called the police.
The U.S. Marshals service assisted in the manhunt for Jones
earlier in the week and he was eventually captured by
authorities in Midwest City, Okla.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Rose
Re: Huge fonts after repair
Dear Webby
After I got my computer back from the repair place for a
minor problem, I noticed all my Icons , writing and pages
where huge. I went to start, properties,control panel and
looked for the Icon that said display checked and looked
for the large Icon to remove a checked sign, but it was not
checked. Is there another way to get the print back to
normal?
Thank you for your help.
Rose
Dear Rose
Yes, it's hard to get decent help these days.
Probably the goof who messed with your machine did a
blind re-install without checking how horrible things
looked.
Just right-click on the desktop
Properties
Settings
and then increase the resolution.
That shrinks the icons and everything.
I use 1600 x 1200 on this machine, a bit more on some of the
other ones. Just pump it up one step at a time until it
looks comfortable.
Then, after you ENTER out of that, clcik on an empty spot on
the desktop, hold down CTRL and roll the scroll wheel on the
mouse. Roll it away from you to make the icons larger, roll
it towards you to make them smaller.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting
a personality test. The room was set up with various props
in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first
person to enter the room started through the test.
"How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 1: It is half empty.
Student writes 'pessimist' in his report.
Person 2 enters the room. "How does this glass of water
look to you?"
Person 2: It is half full.
Student writes 'optimist' in his report.
Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water
look to you?"
Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you
need there.
The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with
the professor.
"Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about
the engineers! They have no personality."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSweet Potato Chocolate Frosting
By Donna [384 Posts, 399 Comments]
Just two ingredients make a delicious frosting that will get
one more vegetable into your family, while tasting
absolutely decadent! No butter and no added sugar.
Ingredients:
1 lb sweet potatoes
12 oz milk chocolate chips
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes in the microwave
Total Time: 15 minutes
Yield: frosting for approximately 8 cupcakes
Steps:
Place clean sweet potatoes on a plate and cover with another
plate.
Place in the microwave and cook on high for 5-6 minutes (or
according to your microwave instructions.) Check them for
softness and microwave at 4 minutes increments until soft
and cooked. Mine were done in 10 minutes.
Let the sweet potatoes sit a little bit, so you don't burn
yourself. Then cut them open and scrape the center out into
a small food processor and puree for 1 to 2 minutes.
Add the chocolate while the sweet potatoes are still warm to
help them melt.
If desired while letting the potatoes cool, you could always
put the chocolate bits into a covered bowl in the microwave
to pre-melt them. I would heat it at 1 minute increments and
stop as soon as they are soft, but not losing their shape.
Puree the mix together for a minute.
That's it! Spread on to cool cupcakes, cake or even fresh strawberries. Serve and enjoy!

who doesn't want to hug a
teddy bear

____________________________________________________
Success is...
At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
___________________________________________________

Winners of the National Geographic International Photography Contest for
kids.

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded
up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few
hours,they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled
into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this
huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she
explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you
stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the
barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first
light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the
barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on
their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from
an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out,
but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of
that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you
remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed
at on our ski holiday up North?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up
to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her
your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 15
1758 Mustard was advertised for the first time in America.
1764 The city of St. Louis was established.
1799 Printed ballots were authorized for use in elections in
the state of Pennsylvania.
1842 Adhesive postage stamps were used for the first time by
the City Dispatch Post (Office) in New York City.
1879 U.S. President Hayes signed a bill that allowed female
attorneys to argue cases before the U.S. Supreme Court.
1898 The USS Maine sank when it exploded in Havana Harbor
for unknown reasons. More than 260 crew members were killed.
1900 The British threaten to use natives in their war with
the Boers.
1903 Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants, introduced
the first teddy bear in America.
1933 U.S. President-elect Franklin Roosevelt escaped an
assination attempt in Miami. Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak
was killed in the attack.
1942 During World War II, Singapore surrendered to the
Japanese.
1961 A Boeing 707 crashed in Belgium killing 73 people.
1965 Canada displayed its new red and white maple leaf flag.
The flag was to replace the old Red Ensign standard.
1982 During a storm, the Ocean Ranger, a drilling rig, sank
off the coast of Newfoundland. 84 men were killed.
1985 The Center for Disease Control reported that more than
half of all nine-year-olds in the U.S. showed no sign of
tooth decay.
1989 After nine years of intervention, the Soviet Union
announced that the remainder of its troops had left
Afghanistan.
1991 The leaders of Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Poland
signed the Visegard agreement, in which they pledged to
cooperate in transforming thier countries to free-market
economies.
1995 The FBI arrested Kevin Mitnick and charged him with
cracking security in some of the nation's most protected
computers. He served five years in jail.
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca
Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive
nuclear waste. After a few Billion dollars worth of work had
been done, the Democrats stopped the project.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 14
Happy Valentines Day!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Boyfriend's comment about girlfriend's 'OK' spaghetti dinner
leads to hours-long standoff with N.H. police
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 14 in
1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in
Chicago, IL. Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone
were killed.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full
of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own
free choice, remained thirty-five for years.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for
window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed
out
that this would prevent them from sitting together.
"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I just spent ten days of
'quality time' in a compact car with this man. I know what
I'm requesting."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Bob used to be a salesman, but he got tired of his job, gave
it up and became a policeman.
Several months later, I asked him how he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't
bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always
wrong, no matter whether he actually is or not."
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jodi Ecklund,
33,
Merrimack,
N.H
Boyfriend's comment about girlfriend's 'OK' spaghetti dinner
leads to hours-long standoff with N.H. police
Jodi Ecklund of Merrimack, N.H., barricaded herself inside
her apartment with a Glock .9-mm and a M4 assault rifle
after her live-in boyfriend told her that her spaghetti
dinner was "OK," NH1 reports.
Before fleeing the apartment and calling police, Jason
Martin was allegedly punched in the face and arm by his
girlfriend, who locked the door once he left.
When officers with the Merrimack Police Department arrived,
Ecklund allegedly warned officers she would kill them if
they entered her residence.
They did not like that!
As the standoff continued Saturday afternoon, the piqued
provider of pasta began destroying items inside the
apartment, even going so far as to launch some of Martin's
possessions out a window to the parking lot below.
Finally, after several hours, authorities gained access to
the apartment and took Ecklund into custody.
She has since been charged with six felonies, including
criminal mischief, criminal threatening and reckless
conduct, as well as three misdemeanor counts of domestic
violence.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Mike
Re: 404 or 500 errors
Dear Webby
I have a problem with my Internet browser
I get when proceeding to site error 404 forbidding area or
error 500 not allowed to view this page .... my question is
how do fix this, in laymen's terms
Mike
Dear Mike
That is not your browser's fault.
You see those errors if the webmaster forgot to upload the
page you are looking for or if there is a server error.
It could also be that there is a typo in the link that you
used to get to that site. You can write to the webmaster of
that site and ask for clarification.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Susan for this one:
I began thinking about my own mortality after I became a
widow. One day my daughter called home from college,
and I announced to her, "I think it's time for us to talk
about where I would like to be buried."
"It's way too soon to even think of anything like that," she
snapped indignantly. Then there was a brief silence.
"Wait a minute, did you say married or buried?"
When I repeated buried, she said, "Oh, okay, sure."

If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCleaning a Fabric Softener Dispenser
By jellybeans64 [3 Posts, 12 Comments]
Best Answer
Did you try pouring some white vinegar into it a few times?
This may work. I swear by the stuff!
Terri

____________________________________________________
Job Applicant Terminology and Translation:
"I know how to deal with stressful situations" means:
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take
lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
"I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication
and organizational skills" means:
I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"
means:
I've used Microsoft Word.
"My pertinent work experience includes" means:
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I take pride in my work" means:
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'm balanced and centered" means:
I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the
lunchroom.
"I have a sense of humor" means:
I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
"I'm willing to relocate" means:
As I leave San Quentin, any where's better.
"I'm extremely professional" means:
I carry a Day-Timer.
"My background and skills match your requirements" means:
You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
"I am adaptable" means:
I've changed jobs a lot.
"I am on the go" means:
I'm never at my desk.
"I am honest and reliable." means
My time sheets are as phoney as the foam in the bra.
"I am family oriented and responsible." means
I expect time off with pay for taking kids to the dentist,
doctor, zoo and Gramma.
"I'm highly motivated to succeed" means:
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
"I am friendly and cooperative." means
I spread on Interview day, and to the end of probation if
absolutely necessary.
"I am very community oriented." means
I write and print the newsletters for seven clubs on
company paper, during working hours.
"I have formal training" means:
I'm a college dropout.
"I have formal training and some certificates." means
I dropped out after I knew enough WordPerfect to print up
my own certificates.
"I have lots of informal training from associating with
experts in the field." means
I once had a seat on the plane beside an expert.
"I interact well with co-workers" means:
I routinely accuse coworkers of sexual harassment if I don't
get my way.
"I am perficint in hendling coraspondince perfesionaly."
Not suitable for anything involving a keyboard.
"I am a fsat typsit nad do wel lat mulitaksing." means
Dyslexic and not smart enough to use a spell-checker.
"Thank you for your time and consideration" means:
The Manpower booklet said to put that at the end.
-----------------------
Do we bother reading resumes ?
Yep.
AFTER a quick refresher glance at this translator list.
___________________________________________________

More photos. A slide show of the beautiful Harbin Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival in China.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 14
1778 The Stars and Stripes was carried to a foreign port, in
France, for the first time. It was aboard the American ship
Ranger.
1803 Moses Coates received a patent for the apple parer.
1849 The first photograph of a U.S. President, while in
office, was taken by Matthew Brady in New York City.
President James Polk was the subject of the picture.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a patent
for the telephone. It was officially issued on March 7,
1876.
1889 In Los Angeles, CA, oranges began their first trip to
the east.
1899 The U.S. Congress approved voting machines for use in
federal elections.
1900 Russia imposed tighter imperial control over Finland in
response to an international petition for Finland's freedom.
1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts invaded Orange
Free State with 20,000 troops.
1912 The first American diesel engine submarine was
commissioned in Groton, CT.
1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in
Chicago, IL. Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone
were killed.
1932 The U.S. won the first bobsled competition at the
Winter Olympic Games at Lake Placid, NY.
1940 The first porpoise born in captivity arrived at
Marineland in Florida.
1945 Peru, Paraguay, Chile and Ecuador joined the United
Nations.
1946 ENIAC (Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer)
was unveiled. The device, built at the University of
Pennsylvania, was the world's first general purpose
electronic computer.
1961 Lawrencium, element 103, was first produced in Berkely,
CA.
1962 U.S. First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy gave a tour of the
White House on television.
1968 The fourth Madison Square Gardens opened.
1979 Adolph Dubs, the U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan, was
kidnapped in Kabul by Muslim extremists. He was killed in a
shootout between his abductors and police.
1985 Cable News Network (CNN) reporter Jeremy Levin was
freed. He had been being held in Lebanon by extremists.
1989 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini called on Muslims to kill
Salman Rushdie because of his novel "The Satanic Verses."
1989 The first satellite of the Global Positioning System
was placed into orbit around Earth.
1989 Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the
government of India. The court-ordered settlement was a
result of the 1984 Bhopal gas leak disaster.
1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery began a
series of spacewalks that were required to overhaul the
Hubble Space Telescope.
1998 U.S. authorities officially announced that Eric Rudolph
was a suspect in a bombing of an abortion clinic in Alabama.
2002 Sylvester Stallone filed a lawsuit against Kenneth
Starr. The suit alleged that Starr had given bad advice
about selling Planet Hollywood stock.
2003 In Madrid, Spain, a ceramic plate with a bullfighting
motif painted by Pablo Picasso in 1949 was stolen from an
art show. The plate was on sale for $12,400.
2005 The video-sharing website YouTube was activated.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 13
Thanks, Bill!!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Killer strangled 4-year-old son after boy spotted him
murdering his mother, a former teacher who had been
the killer's lover.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 13 in
1945 At the end of World War II, Allied aircraft began
bombing the disarmed German city of Dresden and reduced it
to rubble in what they called Psychologigal Warfare. It did
not work because the bombing was too thorough and nobody
left to tell the tale. It was not until the book and movie
"Slaughterhouse Five" decades later, that most of the
Germans found out about it.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

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please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
--- George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his
young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is?
What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win
together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or
you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the
umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach.
"Now go over there and explain it to your mother."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Shortly after returning home from a trip to Sea World in
Florida, a friend went shopping for swimsuits with her
children.
When she emerged from the dressing room in a contrasting
black-and-white suit, her four-year-old son, exclaimed his
approval: "Oh, Mommy, that's perfect!
You look just like Shamu!"
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Isaac Infante,
23,
Harlem,
NY
Killer strangled 4-year-old son after boy spotted him
murdering his mother, a former teacher who had been
the killer's lover.
The confessed killer of an ex-girlfriend in her Harlem home
strangled their 4-year-old son when he stumbled onto the
crime scene, police sources told the Daily News.
Miguel Barahona was in the bathroom when an enraged Isaac
Infante attacked Felicia Barahona, and the killer was
standing over her lifeless body when the little boy emerged,
the sources said.
Duran then choked his helpless son to death, placing the
boy’s body into the bathtub before fleeing the apartment
during the Dec. 22 rampage, the sources said Wednesday.
“The defendant detailed the taking of a cord and taking it
to (Barahona’s) neck until she turned blue and the life
drained from her body,” said Assistant District Attorney
Nicole Blumberg. “The unsuspecting child had no idea he
would be the defendant’s next victim.”
Infante, 23, faces two counts of first-degree murder in the
double-homicide. He admitted entering the apartment with the
intention of murdering his ex-lover, sources said.
He was remanded without bail after the hearing.
Infante and Barahona were lovers while Infante was a high
school student and she was his teacher, with the woman
delivering their child in August 2012.
Her body, a telephone cord wrapped around her throat, was
found four days later on Monday morning — with Infante
charged a day later.
The superintendent at Barahona’s apartment smelled a stench
seeping from her apartment into the hallway Monday, put down
his mop and went out on the fire escape to look inside, the
sources said.
He spied Barahona, 36, on the floor and called 911, with
cops finding her and then discovering the little boy face
down in the bathtub, cops said.
Ten people had called 911 about the death smell, sources
said.
Infante, of Bethlehem, Pa., left the apartment door unlocked
when he left early Monday morning, the sources said.
The murder suspect was captured on security video from a
neighboring apartment both arriving Sunday night and then
departing about three hours later.
He returned home to Bethlehem after the killings.
Infante turned himself into police after his sister,
Elizabeth, showed cops a photo of the suspect in a red
hooded sweatshirt — the same one he wore to the apartment,
sources said.
Infante left the sweatshirt behind after the killings,
donning a scarf that was once a gift from Barahona, the
sources said.
According to cops, Infante was angry about paying child
support for the boy he fathered back when he was a student
in Barahona’s science class at DeWitt Clinton High School in
the Bronx.
The sources indicated that he was also angry because
Barahona fed their child fast food rather than making him
meals, and confessed to knocking her to the floor before
killing her with the cord.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Maryanne
Re: Merging mail from different machines
Dear Webby
I replaced my old computer at year end, but kept using the
old one for almost a month for mail. How can I pull that
mail across to the new one without overwriting the mailboxes
that I have there with the February stuff in it?
Thanks
Maryanne
Dear Maryanne
Go to the old machine and use your email program to rename
the mailboxes that you want. For example rename "Recipes"
to "Recipes-1".
Then shut down the mail program on both machines and copy
the Recipes-1" mailbox to the new computer, right beside
where you find "Recipes".
Most email programs have TWO files for each mailbox, for
example IN.mbx and IN.toc . Some name them slightly
different. You need both.
When you start up the mail program, you will see both
"Recipes" and "Recipes-1".
Now you can just drag the mails, that you want to keep,
from one mailbox to another.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Mona:
When my son first start dating he said, "I want to marry a
good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to
our kids, a woman who will make me happy."
I told him he'd better make up his mind.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comFruity Valentine Gelatin
By joanWZ [33 Posts, 9 Comments]
It's a fruity dessert for Valentine's Day! Not just for
boyfriends and girlfriends but because I am a mom, for the
whole family. I especially made this recipe for my two kids.
Prep Time: 3 mins.
Cook Time: 5 mins.
Total Time: 10 mins.
It's a fruity dessert for Valentine's Day! Not just for
boyfriends and girlfriends but because I am a mom, for the
whole family. I especially made this recipe for my two kids.
Prep Time: 3 mins.
Cook Time: 5 mins.
Total Time: 10 mins.
Fruity Valentine Gelatin
Ingredients:
3 cups water
1 sachet gelatin
1 cup white sugar
2 slices papaya, cut into small slices (or any fruit you
want)
2 Tbsp sprinkles
Steps:
In a pan on low heat, add water and sachet of gelatin.
Stir for 2 minutes on low heat.
After 2 minutes add the sugar.
Then, prepare the mold for the gelatin, and place the cut
papaya fruit.
After 5 minutes of stirring pour mixture through a strainer
into the mold. This will eliminate lumps in the gelatin.
Put it in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
Remove from mold. Decorate with sprinkles, chocolate chips,
honey or anything you like. It is now ready to serve!

Guang Dong - Pas de deux - LE PLUS GRAND CABARET DU MONDE

____________________________________________________
My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by
disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a
dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and
everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly
in the woods.
"Listen to me!" his mother, said sharply. "From now on when
you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"
Matthew thought about that for a moment and said,
"Okay, Disney World."
___________________________________________________

The Harbin Ice Festival and other news from around the world.

>From Freddie B.
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9
partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring
in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of
the van. Finally he said, "What did he do?"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 13
1542 Catherine Howard was executed for adultery. She was the
fifth wife of England's King Henry VIII.
1633 Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before the
Inquisition.
1875 Mrs. Edna Kanouse gave birth to America’s first
quintuplets. All five of the baby boys died within two
weeks.
1880 Thomas Edison observed what became known as the Edison
Effect for the first time.
1900 The Anglo-German accord of 1899 was ratified by
Reichstag, in which Britain renounced rights in Samoa in
favor of Germany and the U.S.
1920 The League of Nations recognized the continued
neutrality of Switzerland.
1920 The National Negro Baseball League was organized.
1935 In Flemington, New Jersey, a jury found Bruno Richard
Hauptmann guilty of the kidnapping and death of the infant
son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh. Hauptmann was later
executed for the crimes.
1945 At the end of World War II, the Soviets captured
Budapest, Hungary, from the German army.
1945 At the end of World War II, Allied aircraft began
bombing the disarmed German city of Dresden and reduced it
to rubble in what they called Psychologigal Warfare. It did
not work because the bombing was too thorough and nobody
left to tell the tale. It was not until the book and movie
"Slaughterhouse Five" decades later, that most of the
Germans found out about it.
1955 Israel acquired 4 of the 7 Dead Sea scrolls.
1960 France detonated its first atomic bomb.
1971 South Vietnamese troops invaded Laos. They were backed
by U.S. air and artillery support.
1984 Konstantin Chernenko was chosen to be general secretary
of the Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee,
succeeding the late Yuri Andropov.
1990 In Ottawa, the United States and its European allies
forged an agreement with the Soviet Union and East Germany
on a two-stage formula to reunite Germany.
1991 Hundreds of Iraqis were killed by two laser-guided
bombs that destroyed an underground facility in Baghdad.
U.S. officials identified the facility as a military
installation, but Iraqi officials said it was a bomb
shelter.
1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery brought the
Hubble Space Telescope aboard for a tune up. The tune up
allowed the telescope to see further into the universe.
1999 A bomb exploded just outside a government-owned bank in
southern Kosovo. Nine people were killed.
2000 Charles M. Schulz's last original Sunday "Peanuts"
comic strip appeared in newspapers. Schulz had died the day
before.
2001 El Savador was hit with an earthquake that measured 6.6
on the Richter Scale. At least 400 people were killed.
2002 In Alexandria, VA, John Walker Lindh pled innocent to a
10-count federal indictment. He was charged with conspiring
to kill Americans and aiding Osama bin Laden's terrorist
network.
2002 Former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani received an
honorary knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II.
2008 Roger Clemens denied having taken performance-enhancing
drugs in testimony before Congress.
2008 Hollywood writers ended a 100-day strike.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 12
Today in
2013 North Korea conducted its third underground nuclear
test.
in 2017 North Korea conducted another ballistic missile
launch.
So what? Even though the left wing media rarely mentions it,
Japan routinely hauls 5 ton loads of supplies to the space
station. Precisely to the door. They have all kinds of
rocket capabilities, know how to make bombs, and could
easily unload the scrap from the broken powerplants as
bombs. The same goes for South Korea. Like Japan, they don't
brag about what kind of armament they have, but you can be
assured that it is more than shiploads of Subarus and
industrial robots and computers.
If North Korea gets too uppity and does more than bragging
outside the bar, somebody will reset them back to the stone
age.
In the meantime, it is good, that they squander their meagre
resources on building nukes at 2 BILLION dollars each. That
keeps them broke.
The same goes for Iran.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Estibaliz Carranza, aka the “Ice Cream Killer,” is too cold-
blooded for a female prison, was moved to a prison for men.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 11 in
1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in
the U.S. to post metric distance signs.
strike against them.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Do not do unto others as you would that they should
do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
--- George Bernard Shaw
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
There was a horrible automobile crash and the driver of the
car lay on the side of the road dying. A passerby said to
him kindly, "Why don't you say a prayer?"
"I don't know any," said the stricken man.
"Has anybody had any contact with religion?" the guy asked
the people standing around.
"As a boy we used to live next to a Catholic Church," one
guy admitted.
"That's it!" said the well-wisher. "Just repeat what you
heard in the church!"
"Okay," then he sang out:
"Under the B: 10,
Under the I: 25,
Under the N: 64,
Under the G,12,
Under the O, 7, BINGO!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room,
discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventually,
they abandoned the chat room for a more intimate
correspondence. After months of virtual kinkiness,
the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a
small cafe.
Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail
man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.
"Are you Bob?" asked Bunny.
"Yes I am," said Bob.
"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me that
you were tall, dark and handsome."
"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face
turning red.
"You told me that you were skinny, blonde, and... female!"
______________________________________________________
Harbin, China Ice Festival
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Estibaliz Carranza,
38,
Asten jail,
Austria
Dangerous female ‘Ice Cream Killer’ moved to all-male
prison in Austria.
Estibaliz Carranza, aka the “Ice Cream Killer,” is too cold-
blooded for a female prison, was moved to a prison for men.
Carranza, 38, who brutally murdered her husband and a lover
in 2008 after they failed to get her pregnant, is being
moved to a special center in Asten, Austria.
Officials are citing the danger she poses as the reason.
She killed both men, cut them up with a chainsaw and hid
them in an ice cream freezer at the parlor she owned,
masking the smell with air freshener, Metro reports.
The Mexican-born-Spaniard will be housed at a facility
currently holding 91 male prisoners, with 13 female inmates
en route there.
Also stationed at the new destination are 45 nurses, 18
therapists, four doctors and eight prison guards.
The facility — featuring a lounge and TV area — allows for
free movement and has single and double rooms, along with
cooking amenities.
Court psychologist Heidi Kastner, who testified during the
earlier trial, said that Carranza was accountable for her
actions and that she had a high chance of relapse, Metro
writes.
The psychologist had also suggested therapy would not work
for the killer.
In a joint statement, her lawyers, Rudolf Mayer and Werner
Tomanek, said, “It is important that our client can finally
be comprehensively treated.”
Mayer and Tomanek are ultimately seeking to get Carranza
moved to a prison in her native Spain. However, the inmate
bears the burden of having to prove herself “cured.”
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Maryanne
Re: Merging mail from different machines
Dear Webby
I replaced my old computer at year end, but kept using the
old one for almost a month for mail. How can I pull that
mail across to the new one without overwriting the mailboxes
that I have there with the February stuff in it?
Thanks
Maryanne
Dear Maryanne
Go to the old machine and use your email program to rename
the mailboxes that you want. For example rename "Recipes"
to "Recipes-1".
Then shut down the mail program on both machines and copy
the Recipes-1" mailbox to the new computer, right beside
where you find "Recipes".
Most email programs have TWO files for each mailbox, for
example IN.mbx and IN.toc . Some name them slightly
different. You need both.
When you start up the mail program, you will see both
"Recipes" and "Recipes-1".
Now you can just transfer the mails you want from one
mailbox to another.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Lisa reported for her final liberal arts examination, which
consists of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in
the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five
minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took her purse
out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking
the answer sheet, Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour she was finished with the exam, whereas
the rest of the class was sweating it out. During the last
few minutes, she began to desperately throw the coin, mutter
and sweat. The moderator was a little confused, so he
approached her and asked what she was doing.
She said, "I finished the exam in half an hour, so I
thought I would go back and recheck my answers."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comFruity Valentine Gelatin
By joanWZ [33 Posts, 9 Comments]
It's a fruity dessert for Valentine's Day! Not just for
boyfriends and girlfriends but because I am a mom, for the
whole family. I especially made this recipe for my two kids.
Prep Time: 3 mins.
Cook Time: 5 mins.
Total Time: 10 mins.
It's a fruity dessert for Valentine's Day! Not just for
boyfriends and girlfriends but because I am a mom, for the
whole family. I especially made this recipe for my two kids.
Prep Time: 3 mins.
Cook Time: 5 mins.
Total Time: 10 mins.
Fruity Valentine Gelatin
Ingredients:
3 cups water
1 sachet gelatin
1 cup white sugar
2 slices papaya, cut into small slices (or any fruit you
want)
2 Tbsp sprinkles
Steps:
In a pan on low heat, add water and sachet of gelatin.
Stir for 2 minutes on low heat.
After 2 minutes add the sugar.
Then, prepare the mold for the gelatin, and place the cut
papaya fruit.
After 5 minutes of stirring pour mixture through a strainer
into the mold. This will eliminate lumps in the gelatin.
Put it in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
Remove from mold. Decorate with sprinkles, chocolate chips,
honey or anything you like. It is now ready to serve!

Classical musical mashup

____________________________________________________
A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally, the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my
money, this house wouldn't be here!"
Just as upset, the wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't
for your money, I wouldn't be here either."
___________________________________________________

Shaded pants...if that's your thing go for it!

When a couple arrived at an automobile dealership to pick
up their car, they were told the keys had been locked in it.
They went to the service department and found a mechanic
working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As the
wife watched from the passenger side, she instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," she announced to the technician, "it's open!"
The mechanic said, "I know. I already got that side."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 12
1541 The city of Santiago, Chile was founded.
1554 Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with
treason. She had claimed the throne of England for only nine
days.
1733 Savannah, GA, was founded by English colonist James
Oglethorpe.
1870 In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote.
1878 Frederick W. Thayer patented the baseball catcher’s
mask.
1879 The first artificial ice rink opened in North America.
It was at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY.
1907 A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooner
resulted in the death of more than 300 people. The incident
occurred off New England's Block Island.
1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored
People (NAACP) was founded.
1912 China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was
abdicating, ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently,
the Republic of China was established.
1918 All theatres in New York City were shut down in an
effort to conserve coal for WWI.
1940 Mutual Radio presented the first broadcast of the radio
play "The Adventures of Superman."
1971 James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. The
company closed for business for one-half day as a memorial
to the company's founder.
1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in
the U.S. to post metric distance signs.
1973 American prisoners of war were released for the first
time during the Vietnam conflict.
1993 In Liverpool, England, a 2-year-old boy, James Bulger,
was lured away from his mother at a shopping mall and beaten
to death. Two ten-year-old boys were responsible.
1998 A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential
line-item veto was unconstitutional.
2001 The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. It
was the first time that any craft had landed on a small
space rock.
2002 Kenneth Lay, former Enron CEO, exercised his
constitutional rights and refused to testify to the U.S.
Congress about the collapse of Enron.
2002 The trial of former Yugoslav President Slobodan
Milosevic began at the U.N. tribunal in The Hague. Milosevic
was accused of war crimes during the Balkan wars of the
1990s.
2002 Pakistan charged three men in connection with the
kidnapping of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl in
Karachi.
2002 Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a
defamation-of-character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine
"Facts." The case involved a photomontage created by the
magazine.
2003 The U.N. nuclear agency declared North Korea in
violation of international treaties. The complaint was sent
to the Security Council.
2004 Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking
up. The dolls had met on the set of their first television
commercial together in 1961.
2013 North Korea conducted its third underground nuclear
test.
2017 North Korea conducted another ballistic missile launch.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 11
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Oklahoma grandmother accused of dressing as witch
to abuse kids pleaded guilty
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 11 in
1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United
Automobile Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down
strike against them.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age
eighteen.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
Nine out of ten people who change their minds
are wrong the second time too.
--- Socratex
One is tempted to define man as a rational animal
who always loses his temper when he is called upon
to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
--- Oscar Wilde
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The sergeant takes Piet to a roadblock. He explains that
there is a curfew on and everybody must be in their homes
by seven. If he sees anyone on the streets after 7pm he
must shoot them.
At 5:30 the sergeant hears a shot and runs out to see what
has happened.
There stands Piet with a smoking rifle and a few hundred
yards up the street lies a corpse. The sergeant does his nut
- he rants and raves and shouts
"Seven a bloody clock I said! It's only half past bloody
five now!".
"Calm down Sarge", says Piet, "I know this guy. I know
where he lives. There is no way he would have made it home
by seven."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
This one came back via Noella:
Never bring plants into the house.
Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes
(Thamnophissirtalis)
can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.
Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants.
During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of
them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was
hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it
slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the
living room naked to see what the problem was, slipped with
his wet feet on the vinyl floor and crashed into the big
stereo. When he was upright again, she told him there was a
snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for
it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him
on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he
screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him
up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests
and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him
out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and
the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end
of the stretcher.
That's when the man broke his leg and why he was put into
the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so
she called on a neighbor man.
He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon
he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on
the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the
cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She
screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried
to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at
the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's
mouth and his right hand pumping on her ample left boob,
slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of
canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a
point where it needed 12 stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her
neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him,
so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She
went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and
began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived.
They saw the bloody and unconscious man, smelled the
whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They
were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to
explain how it all happened over a little green snake.
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor
and his sobbing wife.
The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa.
One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.
He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The
table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb
broke it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell
through the window into the yard on top of the family dog
who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where
an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the
parked police car.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors
who called the fire department.
The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when
they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore
out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and
disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block
area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the
house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired
a
new car, and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman
announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her
husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for
the night.
That's when he shot her.
______________________________________________________
Red Knobbed Hornbill, Indonesia From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Geneva Robinson,
51,
Oklahoma City,
Oklahoma
Oklahoma grandmother accused of dressing as witch
to abuse kids pleaded guilty
An Oklahoma City grandmother has pleaded guilty to abusing
her 7-year-old granddaughter in numerous ways, including
terrorizing her by dressing as a witch.
On Thursday, 51-year-old Geneva Robinson admitted in court
that she engaged in several felony counts of abuse on the
girl.
These included pinching her with pliers, fracturing her
pubic bone with a kick, cutting off her hair while she slept
and forcing her to sleep outside with the dogs.
A 6-year-old child was also mentioned in the court
affidavit, according to local station KFOR-TV. There were
two other children in the family, but they were not
mentioned in the court case.
Robinson had custody of the four kids for about a year after
the children’s parents split up, according to The Oklahoman
newspaper.
Robinson was arrested in October 2014 after she took the
child to a hospital claiming she could not control the girl
anymore.
Police were called because the girl looked malnourished and
had burns and bruises all over her body, according to KFOR.
The victim’s ankles had cuts that were infected and her
wrists “had the appearance of possibly being bound,”
according to the police report.
Prosecutors said that Robinson engaged in these acts of
abuse while dressed as a witch named Nelda, The Oklahoman
reported.
Her 31-year-old boyfriend, Joshua Granger, reportedly would
wear a demon costume and call himself Coogro.
Granger pleaded guilty to one count for assisting and
“causing mental injury” to the girl, according to The
Associated Press.
According to a court document obtained by The Oklahoman, the
victim told a counselor that Nelda “goes into” her
grandmother and makes her “do mean things,” and she said
“Nelda eats bad kids.”
Robinson told the court Thursday that she is being treated
for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia while in jail and
that she was treated for mental illness in the 1970s in
Texas.
Both Robinson and Granger will be sentenced March 28.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Eudora 7 suddenly has certificate problems
Dear Webby
I'm back with another problem. The Eudora 7 in my notebook
will not check mail because of a certificate problem. I did
fix this a while ago in my PC, by getting certificates
approved, But I can't remember how.
Can you help me once again?
Thanks.
Bill
Dear Bill
Sounds like Cottage Country Net updated their server
certificate and did not notify their victims.
With Eudora #7 that causes problems.
Here is the answer:
You need to tell Eudora to add the new certificate to the
list of trusted certificates. In the personalities window,
right-click on the personality and select "properties" Go to
the "incoming mail" tab.
Click on the "last SSL info" button at the bottom.
Click on the "certificate manager" button.
The certificate in question should come up selected. If
there is a + button next to it, click on that.
Repeat if necessary until you get to the bottom level.
Select that certificate then click on the button to add it
to the trusted certificates. That should solve the problem.
If you come onto Skype, I can slide Version 6.2.5.6 to you.
That is the last of the good "Legacy" versions.
My Skype handle is, of course:
dearwebby
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two women were chatting as they got on the elevator in
a downtown office building. One of them said said,
"Of course my ultimate fantasy has always been to have
two men at once."
There was complete silence as every passenger in the
crowded car slowly turned to look at her. She laughed
and continued,
"One to do the cooking, the other to do the cleaning."

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comHealthy Bean Soup
By Judy Pariser S. [238 Posts, 907 Comments]
We were snowed in today, so I made this soup to warm us up
after shoveling. The original recipe required soaking the
dried beans, and adding ingredients partway through the
cooking. The slow cooker allowed me to put all the
ingredients in, and go about my day. The soup is delicious,
and the house smells divine! Leftovers freeze well for
future busy days.
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 8 hours
Total Time: 8 hours, 15 minutes
Yield: 8-10 bowls
Source: Adapted from Prevention Magazine
Ingredients:
1 lb bag dried beans (Northern, pinto or black beans)
6 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
4 cups water
1 med onion, finely chopped
2 ribs celery, chopped
1 carrot, finely chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 bay leaf
3 Tbsp tomato paste
½ tsp salt
½ tsp ground black pepper
Steps:
Rinse the beans in a colander.
Chop the vegetables.
Put everything into the slow cooker. Mix together.
Add a bay leaf.
Cook on low for about 8 hours.
Remove the bay leaf. Eat as is, or use an immersion blender
to blend to desired smoothness.
Personally, I don't buy broth or
stock. I just use a heaping teaaspoon of beef-vegetable or
Minestrone soup mix from the Bulk Barn. Unlike store bought
broth or stock, it does not have any phony taste enhancers
in it. There is even a kosher sign on the bin. I am not
religious, but that sign tells me that the ingredients are
all inspected and OK'd by independent people, who are
concerned about quality, not profits.
While living in the Yukon I got used to add some chopped,
wood-smoked bacon for the fat to balance the beans. It's not
that cold here in Alberta, but I still like the flavor, that
even a few small bits of bacon adds.
Try the thick sliced, wood smoked Mennonite bacon. It is
firm and dry, not like the liquid smoke dipped brand name
bacon. You need a lot less because the flavor is much
stronger.
By the way, soaking the beans in cold water for an hour or
more before you rinse them, is claimed to reduce the methane
you produce.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Kids say the darndest things

____________________________________________________
>From Barb
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega
yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind
blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it
just floated in place.
The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a
boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never
mind, boys, I'll get it."
The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the
water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water,
climbed onto the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat. The
crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's
entourage were speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN all knew how
to cover the story. Their banner headlines read :
"TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
___________________________________________________

Tied in knots. Cool body paint illusion.

MORE Bulletin board bloopers:
*Sermon Outline:
I. Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear
___________________
*Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
___________________
*If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form,
enclose a check and drip in the collection basket.
___________________
*Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.
___________________
*Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich.
Polly Phillips will give the medication.
___________________
*If you choose to heave during the Postlude,
please do so quietly.
___________________
*We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the
grounds around the church building and the rector.
___________________
*Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."
___________________
*Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized
on the table in the foyer.
___________________
*Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because
of their weight.
___________________
*Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the
information sheep.
___________________
*The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level
of St. Mary's Cathedral.
___________________
*The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the
church bard.
___________________
*As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have
a goof outing.
___________________
*Fifth Sinday is Lent.
___________________
*Thank you dead friends.
___________________
*Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
___________________
*Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
___________________
*Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
___________________
*For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even
to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
___________________
*Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
___________________
Persons who are shut-in during bath weather can attend
mass over the radio..
___________________
*Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.
___________________
*The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working...

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 11
1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first
hospital in America.
1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite
coal to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how
clean the coal burned and how cheaply it could be used as a
heating fuel.
1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the
governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a
redistricting law that favored his party.
1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have
seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes.
1878 The first U.S. bicycle club, Boston Bicycle Club, was
formed.
1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the
independence and sovereignty of Vatican City.
1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's
Treasure Island.
1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United
Automobile Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down
strike against them.
1943 General Dwight David Eisenhower was selected to command
the allied armies in Europe.
1945 During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by
U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister
Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin.
1958 Ruth Carol Taylor was the first black woman to become a
stewardess by making her initial flight.
1960 Jack Paar walked off while live on the air on the
"Tonight Show" with four minutes left. He did this in
response to censors cutting out a joke from the show the
night before.
1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini
returned to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized
by his followers.
1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and
39 banks.
1984 The tenth Space Shuttle mission returned to Earth
safely.
1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity.
1990 In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out
Mike Tyson in the tenth round to win the heavyweight
championship.
1993 Janet Reno was appointed to the position of attorney
general by U.S. President Clinton. She was the first female
to hold the position.
2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to
gather information for the most detailed map of the earth
ever made.
2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland
after the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin
decommissioning (disarming) by a February deadline.
2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for $24
million each for the ninth and final season of the series.
2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally
shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt.
2016 It was reported that scientists had detected
gravitational waves. The waves had been detected on
September 14, 2015 by the Laser Interferometer
Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors in
Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, February 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Beatiful full moon out. The Chinook blew away the -30,
shook 8" of snow off the trees, blew half of that eastwards
across the prairies, and started to thaw what fell to the
ground. It gave it's name to the migyhtiest helicopter, and
it is quite obvious, why.
In a week, after the Chinook has crossed the prairies,
picked up moisture from the Great Lakes, and collided with
cold Atlantic air, it will be called "The Alberta Clipper"
and will dump onto Toronto and Chicago.
We call that area "The Far East". Left wingers and
politicians live there, nice and cozy with Alberta oil and
gas and taxes. The thought of them getting dumped on next
week does not grieve us at all.
In the meantime we enjoy the warm and rambunctious Chinook
and the very pretty moonshine on what's left of all the
snow. It is times like this when I wish I was not the only
one walking and enjoying the night.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Florida woman drives into ditch, says she’s dead
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 10 in
1763 The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. In
the treaty France ceded Canada to England.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat
it.
--- George Santayana (1863 - 1952)
Nine out of ten people who change their minds
are wrong the second time too.
--- Socratex
It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on
my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever
need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
--- Sam Levenson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a
preacher hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood
nearby, a gun in his hand.The preacher looks at the owner
sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog."
"Sure does."
"I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that
be enough?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Two hundred dollars. That should do it."
"Sounds good."
The preacher reached into his pocket and came up with
the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said,
"I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting."
"I wasn't going hunting. The vet told me to take that
mangy mutt out to the woods, do him one last favor and
put him out of his misery, cause pills don't help him no
more. But, Thanks for the $200."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer.
If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Cheryl Ann Morris,
54,
Alachua,
Floriduh
Drunk Florida woman drives into ditch, says she’s dead
An Alachua woman drove drunkenly into a ditch Wednesday and
told police she was dead, Florida Highway Patrol said.
At about 5:26 p.m., Cheryl Ann Morris, 54, crashed her black
Dodge Intrepid into a ditch at County Road 232 and Northwest
202nd Street, according to an incident report.
When troopers asked her if she was injured, she said she was
dead, according to the report. Morris told police a silver
truck drove her off the road.
Troopers noticed she slurred her words and kept repeating
herself.
One asked if Morris was wearing her seat belt, and she
responded, “What, do I look stupid?” as she attempted to
fasten it across her lap, according to the report. She was
walked to an FHP car and put in the back seat, according to
the report.
When troopers searched the area, they found a small bottle
of wine, which a witness said Morris had in her possession.
Morris said she only drank two beers during the evening,
according to the report. Morris performed poorly on field
sobriety exercises and refused a breathalyzer test.
Police arrested her on charges of driving under the
influence and property damage. She was taken to the Alachua
County Jail where she remains, as of press time, in lieu of
a $15,100 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Me
Re: Typical Mailwasher result
Just to illustrate for those, who don't have MailWasher yet,
here is a typical example. Normally my filters dump mails
like that right on the server, without showing them on the
list, but to show you, I made parts of one visible.
...
..ttps : //utilities.canada.gov/report/12895831237.doc
[links to cs18155.tmweb.ru/2.doc].
The red part is what the actual, underlying link points to.
.ru means the domain is in Russia.
That does not necessarily mean the scammers are in Russia,
just that they are using a Russian domain.
Regardless of where a domain is hosted, if a link has a
totally different underlying address, then dump that mail.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his
teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with
his parents.
When she rang the bell, Little Johnny answered. The teacher
smiled and said, "I'd like to talk to your mother or
father."
Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here."
"Little Johnny!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?"
Little Johnny said, "Beats me, but dad sure was mad that
they had to go bail her out again!"

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comMaking Chocolate Dipped Wafer Cookies
By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments]
These chocolate dipped wafer cookies would make a great gift
for your Valentine this year.
Ingredients:
strawberry wafers
white chocolate and chocolate Wilton's Candy Melts
Candy Melts warmer, optional
Valentine's sprinkles
wax paper
Steps:
Melt Candy Melts according to package directions or in the
warmer. NOTE: I recommend melting small batches as the
wafers tend to leave crumbs in the chocolate.
Brush off excess crumbs from the wafers. Dip the end of each
wafer into the chocolate and gently shake to remove any
excess.
Lay them on the wax paper and sprinkle with festive
sprinkles. Allow chocolate to harden. Enjoy!
For dark, semi-sweet chocolate you
can use Bakers Semi-Sweet chocolate chips and a bit of
butter in a flat bottom bowl, heat it a minute in the
microwave, stir it fast and put it onto the heating plate of
your coffee maker to keep it hot. Then you can dip the
wafers lengthwise with half of it immersed, flip them onto
the wax paper dry side down, so that some of the chocolate
streaks down towards the dry side. Chocolate addicts prefer
that method!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Kids say the darndest things

____________________________________________________
Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her
husband heads outside.
Hurt, she asked him, "Don't you like my singing?"
"Of course, dear," he replied. "I just want to make sure
the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
___________________________________________________

Can you find the 13 hidden faces in this painting?

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to
ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said,
"Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"OOOPS," responded the underclassman,
"I didn't realize you were pregnant."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 10
1763 The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. In
the treaty France ceded Canada to England.
1840 Britain's Queen Victoria married Prince Albert of Saxe
Coburg-Gotha.
1846 Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints began their exodus to the west from Illinois.
1863 The fire extinguisher was patented by Alanson Crane.
1870 The YWCA was founded in New York City.
1879 The electric arc light was used for the first time.
1920 Major league baseball representatives outlawed pitches
that involve tampering with the ball.
1925 The first waterless gas storage tank was placed in
service in Michigan City, IN.
1933 The singing telegram was introduced by the Postal
Telegraph Company of New York City.
1933 Primo Carnera knocked out Ernie Schaaf in round 13 at
Madison Square Garden in New York City. Schaaf died as a
result of the knockout punch.
1935 The Pennsylvania Railroad began passenger service with
its electric locomotive. The engine was 79-1/2 feet long and
weighed 230 tons.
1942 The Normandie, the former French liner, capsized in New
York Harbor. The day before the ship had caught fire while
it was being fitted for the U.S. Navy.
1962 The Soviet Union exchanged captured American U2 pilot
Francis Gary Powers for the Soviet spy Rudolph Ivanovich
Abel being held by the U.S.
1981 The Las Vegas Hilton hotel-casino caught fire. Eight
people were killed and 198 were injured.
1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk announced that
black activist Nelson Mandela would be released the next day
after 27 years in captivity.
1992 Mike Tyson was convicted in Indianapolis of raping
Desiree Washington, Miss Black American contestant.
1997 The U.S. Army suspended its top-ranking enlisted
soldier, Army Sgt. Major Gene McKinney following allegations
of sexual misconduct. McKinney was convicted of obstruction
of justice and acquitted of 18 counts alleging sexual
harassment of six military women.
2005 North Korea publicly announced for the first time that
it had nuclear arms. The country also rejected attempts to
restart disarmament talks in the near future saying that it
needed the weapons as protection against an increasingly
hostile United States.
2009 A Russian and an American satellite collided over
Siberia.
2009 Amazon announced the Kindle 2.
2017 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 9
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Church cigarette stunt means jail for Russian woman
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, February 9 in
1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!

______________________________________________________
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door
--- Paul Beatty
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Husband's note on refrigerator to his wife:
Someone from the Guyna Colleges called.
They said that Pabst beer is normal."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a
bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance.
"Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the
farmer.
"Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look
riding around on a cow."
"Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you'd
look trying to milk a bicycle!"
______________________________________________________
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like
the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
22 year old
Russian woman
Belgorod,
Russia
Church cigarette stunt means jail for Russian woman
A 21-year-old woman is jailed for deliberately provoking
authorities. Her crime? She posted a photo of herself
lighting a cigarette with a candle in a Russian Orthodox
church in the city of Belgorod, reports the Moscow Times.
For that, she has been charged with "insulting the feelings
of religious believers," under a law that came about in 2013
in the wake of the stunts pulled by the feminist punk group
Pussy Riot. She faces up to three years in prison, reports
the London Times.
Hers is not the only such case to generate headlines. A 22-
year-old man posted a video of himself playing Pokémon Go in
a church in Yekaterinburg after state television warned that
such game-playing was a no-no. He, too, was charged under
the 2013 law, and has been held since October. No trial
dates appear to have been set in either case.
Meanwhile in Moscow:
Russian President Vladimir Putin gives a good example of
proper behavior in church, as he lights a candle in the
Lifegiving Trinity Church in Moscow.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Connie
Re: Angelwinks going to wrong mailbox
Dear Webby
WHY DID YOU PEOPLE STOP SENDING ANGELWINKS TO
MY IN BOX. THEY ARE ALL COMING TO MY JUNK BOX.
I HAVE BEEN GETTING ANGELWINKS FOREVER AND ALL
OF A SUDDEN YOU STOPPED SENDING THEM
HOW COME???? PLEASE STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT.
Sent from Outlook
Connie
Dear Connie
We send Angel's Angelwinks.net newsletter to your address.
What you do with it after that, is entirely up to you. Once
it has entered the Ho'mail server, there is nothing more
that we can do about it.
Probably you have accidentally hit the Junkmail button in
your Outlook one morning, and it remembered that.
You have to tell your Outlook yourself to behave and not to
toss good email into the junk box. I can't reach into your
Outlook.
There is probably good information in the OUTLOOK help on
how to tell Outlook not to junk certain emails.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of
Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold
and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.
When he arrived in New York the customs official was
perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold
teeth. So Moisha explained.
"We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes
for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher
and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."
The customs official shook his head and said,
"Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about
the other three?"
Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews
use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious
I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.
The customs official slapped his head and then said,
"You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for
food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That
accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?"
"Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham
sandwich."

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStubborn Locks
If you have a lock that is not functioning well, spray it
with some graphite lock spray. You can buy it at any
hardware store. One popular brand is called Lock-Ease. In a
pinch, you can try using some non-stick vegetable oil on
both the lock and key. You can also try dipping your key in
talcum powder and inserting it in the lock.
Keep in mind that most locksmiths will charge you $20 more,
if you have gunked up a lock with graphite, and tell you
that the lock is beyond repair if you have used kitchen oil.
Those remedies may be OK for large, oldfashioned locks that
use simple gates to stop wrong keys from turning. If the key
looks like a miniature flag pole with a jagged flag at the
end, then it's safe to use that stuff, but you will still
get charged extra for gunking it up and the lock requiring
tedious cleaning.
Never use those for modern tumbler locks with a key similar
to a car key. Tumbler locks should never see anything
thicker than WD40 penetrating oil, and even that is frowned
upon, because it will trap dust. If you use penetrating oil
once, you will have to keep using it once or twice a year
until the lock has been taken out and all lubricants
cleaned out. It is dust and grit and gunk that jam up a
tumbler lock, not lack of lubrication.
DearWebby

A university creative writing class was asked to write a
concise essay containing these four elements:
- religion
- royalty
- sex
- mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
"My God," said the Queen.
"I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Today on February 9
1825 The U.S. House of Representatives elected John Quincy
Adams president. No candidate had received a majority of
electoral votes.
1861 The Provisional Congress of the Confederate States of
America elected Jefferson Davis as its president.
1884 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent
application for a chemical recording stock quotation
telegraph (U.S. Pat. 314,115).
1885 The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii.
1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan.
1895 The first college basketball game was played as
Minnesota State School of Agriculture defeated the Porkers
of Hamline College, 9-3.
1909 The first forestry school was incorporated in Kent,
Ohio.
1932 America entered the 2-man bobsled competition for the
first time at the Olympic Winter Games held at Lake Placid,
NY.
1942 The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal
meeting to coordinate military strategy during World War II.
1942 Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S.
1943 During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended
with an American victory over Japanese forces.
1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State
Department was riddled with Communists. This was the
beginning of "McCarthyism."
1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight.
1971 The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar
earthquake that registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale.
1971 The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after
mankind's third landing on the moon.
1975 The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth.
1997 "The Simpsons" became the longest-running prime-time
animated series. "The Flintstones" held the record
previously.
2001 "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs,"
opened in theaters.
2017 smiled.

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking!BreastCancer
SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.