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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Questions for Hillary Clinton at future press conferences

Most of the major news services this morning carried the story of how Hillary Clinton exploded in anger when an African student asked her what "Mr. Clinton" thought of a Chinese loan offer to the Congolese government. (The translator's exact words were, "What does Mr. Clinton think through the mouth of Mrs. Clinton?")

Hillary's brittle personality was on full display.

"My husband is not Secretary of State, I am!" she responded. "If you want my opinion, I will tell you my opinion. I am not going to be channeling my husband!"

(Note to Hillary: next time calmly respond, with a smile and a wink, "I haven't asked my husband about that yet, but when I do, I'll be sure to get back to you. In the meantime, believe it or not, I'm actually the Secretary of State, and what I think is..." You'd be surprised how many people you can win over that way.)

It's doubtful that Hillary could actually pull that off; she's lacking the gene for self-deprecation and charm the way an albino lacks the gene for melanin.

ABC News later said that the translator had made a mistake and that the student's actual question was about what President Obama thought of the issue. But no matter. Hillary had already flown off the handle.

Because this is so much fun to watch, I'd like to suggest some questions for Hillary at future press conferences:

"What will you be making your husband for dinner tonight?"

"Exactly how far do you think you would have gotten in politics on your own if you hadn't been married to the President of the United States?"

"Because you were on State Department business in Africa, you missed your husband's 63rd birthday party, held in Las Vegas -- you know, the place where what happens there stays there? How much do you think he missed you?"

"The entire time you were in Africa you never once mentioned the abhorrent practice of clitoridectomy which many African families perform on their young daughters. Doesn't that indicate a sort of tacit approval?"

"During the Presidential campaign Barack Obama grudgingly described you as "likable enough." Do you think this is a fair characterization, and if not, why not?"

"How angry are you still that this young usurper, Barack Obama, came along to take your rightful place as President?"

"Given that you and your husband are both on the road so much, how do you manage to keep the romance alive in your marriage? Are there any special things you do for Bill in bed?"

"When you're doing Bill's laundry, how do you get rid of those really tough stains? You know, like the one found on Monica Lewinsky's dress?"

It would be preferable for these questions to be asked in Third World countries. Since it is politically correct to realize that those countries have not yet reached the stage of political correctness, Hillary will be forced to swallow some of her anger. This will make her ultimate explosion all the more entertaining.

I think it was a matter of being Machiavellian and obeying that old dictum, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Obama obviously thought that if he gave Hillary State that it would reduce the amount of intra-party sniping he would have to endure from the Clintons. But in the meantime, he can't exactly expect Hillary to sto being Hillary.

About Me

Virtually everyone who knows John finds him completely tactless and insufferably opinionated. He sees himself as refreshingly honest. That said, this blog is still an excellent way to kill time while putting off work. If you're a newcomer, you might find browsing through the older posts an amusing waste of time as well.