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Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

I've known my Wife for 5 years, we've been married for 4 and I love her to bits.....
However, about 2 years ago I suspected she was seeing another women but couldn't believe it was true. Recently, she has confessed that she finds some women sexually attractive and confirmed her relationship with this women.
My Wife is 43 and is in lovely shape. Her girl friend is about 37 and also in good shape too. My Wife claims she enjoys sex with this woman and experiences about 40 climaxes within 1 1/2 hours! She says no man can even come close!
She wishes to keep her sexual relationship away from anyone and says the Husband of the other Women knows nothing. I requested that she just keeps me informed on 'what's going on' and have promised my Wife that I will never interfer unless she wants it so.
She refuses to let me know what's going on and claims it is her business not mine in all ways. I feel a bit 'mift' at this but respect her wishes. However it's causing me 'aggro' as I work away from home and feel I'm just being 'used' as a provider and not a Husband.
My wife and I enjoy sex together and I have no intentions of ever cheating on her but would like to know her business which I find quite sexy. Perhaps your readers/members can advise me!!

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

If your not happy with the relationship, you can opt out of it. But your wife doesn't owe you any involvement in her f-f goings on. She could be a bit nicer about it, but it's really up to her and she has been clear about that.
If I were you, I'd be spending quality time with somebody else when she's with her gf though. Put your efforts into another woman and tell her it's none of her buisness where your money and time is going!

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

Personally, I would be beyond miffed. I would be starting on irate.

Let's go over the facts.
1. She cheated on you, breaking your marriage vows.
2. She lied to you and only told the truth when caught.
3. She does not feel comfortable enough to communicate her desires and wishes to you.

Now, as I remember, several of the most important things in any romantic relationship are:
1. Trust
2. Honesty
3. Communication
4. Fidelity

Seems like she is 0 for 4.

I would be having a serious sit down with her to find out why she does not feel the need to display any of those behaviors listed above. Depending on her reaction, I would either suggest counseling or I would tell her where the door is, if she just says she won't change. What else has she not been honest about? What else has she not communicated to you? Why doesn't she trust you enough to be honest with you? How many others has she slept with (man or woman) that she has not confessed to? Those would be the thoughts running through my mind.

I think you have some serious work ahead of you (she has even more work to do), if you want to save your relationship. If the two of you do not move to fix things now, 1 of 2 things will happen. 1. Eventually, you will get sick of it and leave (or tell her to). or 2. You will become her doormat and she will walk all over you and the relationship.

- Falcon -

Wherever you go ... there you are.
Be yourself ... Everyone else is taken.

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

Originally Posted by j8aah

I've known my Wife for 5 years, we've been married for 4 and I love her to bits.....
However, about 2 years ago I suspected she was seeing another women but couldn't believe it was true. Recently, she has confessed that she finds some women sexually attractive and confirmed her relationship with this women.
My Wife is 43 and is in lovely shape. Her girl friend is about 37 and also in good shape too. My Wife claims she enjoys sex with this woman and experiences about 40 climaxes within 1 1/2 hours! She says no man can even come close!
She wishes to keep her sexual relationship away from anyone and says the Husband of the other Women knows nothing. I requested that she just keeps me informed on 'what's going on' and have promised my Wife that I will never interfer unless she wants it so.
She refuses to let me know what's going on and claims it is her business not mine in all ways. I feel a bit 'mift' at this but respect her wishes. However it's causing me 'aggro' as I work away from home and feel I'm just being 'used' as a provider and not a Husband.
My wife and I enjoy sex together and I have no intentions of ever cheating on her but would like to know her business which I find quite sexy. Perhaps your readers/members can advise me!!

I hope you two work it out. In order to do that, both of you must be honest about your needs and activities. It doesn't matter the nature of sexual interaction, a spouse has a duty to inform you of their activities. It's a matter of respect and having the right to know who and what types of activities your love is indulging. That's a right not a privilege. Encourage a sit down and discuss an arrangement that will work for the both of you.

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

My Wife claims she enjoys sex with this woman and experiences about 40 climaxes within 1 1/2 hours! She says no man can even come close!

She wishes to keep her sexual relationship away from anyone and says the Husband of the other Women knows nothing.

She refuses to let me know what's going on and claims it is her business not mine in all ways.

I work away from home and feel I'm just being 'used' as a provider and not a Husband.

My wife and I enjoy sex together and I have no intentions of ever cheating on her but would like to know her business which I find quite sexy. Perhaps your readers/members can advise me!!

If she says she is reaching 40 climaxes in an hour and a half, she should be sharing the secret with you to make your enjoyable sex lie better.

Perhaps the other husband does know and is involved. It's easier to reach that number of climaxes with two people stimulating one.

Is her refusal just not disclosing the details (it seems your inquiring mind wants to know), or is she also refusing to let you know when she will be gone and how to reach her in the event of an emergency?

Making you feel like you are being "used? as a provider and not a husband is certainly a problem. That bears the possibility of bad feelings turning to resentment and love into hate. Years from now you might reach your emotional limit and then still have to give he half of everything, or more depending on you laws, when you finally decide you've had enough.

No intentions of cheating on her? She has declared the marriage an open one. Fidelity is no longer part of your vows (her decision). Go out and have fun. Tell her ahead of time that you are stepping out. That's not cheating, it's playing on an equal footing, with an open deck, and cards on the table.

If she's not willing to have open communication, you'll begin to worry about what little presents she is bringing home to you. Crabs, STDs, HIV, etc. That will cause additional tension and a further breakdown of your relationship.

If you are ok with her play, but on;y if you have some involvement, tell her so. If she won't share her special friend, maybe she'll share another.

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

If she says she is reaching 40 climaxes in an hour and a half, she should be sharing the secret with you to make your enjoyable sex lie better.

Perhaps the other husband does know and is involved. It's easier to reach that number of climaxes with two people stimulating one.

Is her refusal just not disclosing the details (it seems your inquiring mind wants to know), or is she also refusing to let you know when she will be gone and how to reach her in the event of an emergency?

Making you feel like you are being "used? as a provider and not a husband is certainly a problem. That bears the possibility of bad feelings turning to resentment and love into hate. Years from now you might reach your emotional limit and then still have to give he half of everything, or more depending on you laws, when you finally decide you've had enough.

No intentions of cheating on her? She has declared the marriage an open one. Fidelity is no longer part of your vows (her decision). Go out and have fun. Tell her ahead of time that you are stepping out. That's not cheating, it's playing on an equal footing, with an open deck, and cards on the table.

If she's not willing to have open communication, you'll begin to worry about what little presents she is bringing home to you. Crabs, STDs, HIV, etc. That will cause additional tension and a further breakdown of your relationship.

If you are ok with her play, but on;y if you have some involvement, tell her so. If she won't share her special friend, maybe she'll share another.

Good luck,

Pappy

Pappy,
Only one thing you said that I disagree with.
Just because she has chosen to be dishonorable with her vows does not mean he should.
Some people can do that sort of thing and some just have it hard-wired into them to honor their word, even if others do not.

- Falcon -

Wherever you go ... there you are.
Be yourself ... Everyone else is taken.

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

I would get a divorce. She did cheat on you afterall, and she's helping this other woman cheat on her husband. Also she sounds like she's all for herself lying and cheating, and it's OK for her to go out and have sex with other people but it's somehow not OK for you to do the same with her knowledge and permission. You don't need someone like this in your life, and you should not be married to them.

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

I agree with Falcon don't stay married to this woman. I would get a divorce. She did cheat on you, and she's helping this other woman cheat on her husband. Also she sounds like she's all for herself lying and cheating, and it's OK for her to go out and have sex with other people but it's somehow not OK for you to do the same even with her knowledge and permission which she did not even try to do with you. You don't need someone like this in your life and you should not be married to them.

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

Originally Posted by falcondfw

Pappy,
Only one thing you said that I disagree with.
Just because she has chosen to be dishonorable with her vows does not mean he should.
Some people can do that sort of thing and some just have it hard-wired into them to honor their word, even if others do not.

falcondfw,

I certainly understand your position, also voiced by many others in this forum, about dishonesty and cheating. It does often get billed as a make or break element for a relationship.

I noted, however, that j8aah did not characterize her actions as cheating (he said he wouldn't) but he did state that he "would like to know her business which I find quite sexy." He also said: I will never interfere unless she wants it so." I would infer from those statements that he is not too concerned about the cheating issue. It does appear he has a strong desire to observe or be involved in the action, or at the very least, receive a detailed report of what happened during her trysts.

Personally, I'm not one to automatically recommend divorce because of infidelity, especially when bisexuality is involved. It often is a need that cannot be supplied by the opposite-sex partner. If the parties can get past the initial shock and hurt, coming to a mutually satisfactory agreement, a marriage that is satisfactory in all other respects can often be preserved. Having practiced law for many years, it has been my observation that a divorce can be more devastating than the event it arises from.

I'm sorry if you viewed my post as encouraging his to be dishonorable and cheat. That was not my intent. My statement: "She has declared the marriage an open one. Fidelity is no longer part of your vows (her decision). Go out and have fun. Tell her ahead of time that you are stepping out. That's not cheating, it's playing on an equal footing, with an open deck, and cards on the table." was meant to encourage thought about an alternative method of proceeding without immediately jumping in front of a judge. Her actions and statements have altered the playing field with respect to the issue of fidelity. He needs to determine if her position is a willingness for both of them to play with others without restriction or if she feels it's only permissible if with a same-sex partner (an option he has expressed no interest in), or if she believes it's fine for her but to for him because she holds him to his vows. Since she does not appear receptive to his attempts to discuss things this tactic might start communication going. It's not even necessary for him to actually have a date lined up. He could plan to be out with the guys bowling or quietly reading a book in the library. If she thinks he's going out it will probably prompt a discussion which could possibly lead to an agreement and preservation of the marriage albeit with revised ground rules.

Taking one's time, pursuing, or at least examining, different options and the various consequences is, I believe, the prudent course.

I understand the feeling, which many express, that breaking a rule must be met with the most extreme response, but I have also observed that, in the long run, a great number of people have expressed regret at having jumped to the divorce court when another, less drastic, course of action might have resolved the conflict.

I probably should have taken the time to say all of this in my original post. Sorry if my brevity caused any misunderstanding.

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

hi,

I wouldn't just run to divorce court but I would take a long look at what you really want from this. Personally, your wife sounds like a lot of other spouses in the same situation, it's all about her. She did cheat, she did hide and she did confess after being caught. The way it's posted makes it sound as though you put her on the defensive with your finding out and then wanting details. Can you live without the details? Do you really want to the know the nitty gritty and is it for your benefit or hers? If you have no problem with your wife having this contact then just let her have it without pressing her to become involved or to know everything. The fact that it is with someone who is cheating on her husband... not even gonna go there, that's a moral issue that is for them to decide but eventually that husband is gonna figure it out and then the shit will hit the fan.

So keep the lines of communication open and just love her without pressing too hard, if you can't handle her having the contact then yes.. ending the relationship would be better in the long run.

Re: Bi sexual Wife - Straight Husband

While I will never understand the "all or nothing" attitude of automatically divorcing someone who is cheating, however any infidelity is a wake up call. Each scenario needs to be addressed on an individual basis. IF what your mate/partner/spouse is doing is totally against any previous agreement or understanding (both need to know of this understanding) then you may need to reassess your relationship. Keep in mind infidelity/cheating is rarely about sex, that is only the escape route!