The Adventures of a Single 40-Something

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From the Trenches….

Just an update for you, in case you’re wondering how dating is going. After many month sof hitting on absolutely NOTHING on Match.com, I decided to try Plenty of Fish again. I wasn’t having any luck on Match.

Then, one day I had a great coffee date with a guy named Charlie. He seemed to be very interested in me. He said he wanted to see me again, and he e-mailed me a few times, then disappeared. No more Match account, and no more e-mails. Ghosted again.

Not long after that, I had a date with Butch, a doctor. I enjoyed his company but he had a mustache that drove me crazy. I don’t like mustaches in general, unless they are accompanied by a beard. I think just a mustache looks very “porn-star-ish.” But, I figured if he stuck around long enough I could tell him, “Hon, not only is your mustache a distraction, it’s also poorly groomed. Here’s $20, go buy some taste on your way to the barber shop to have that shit shaved off your lip. You look like you’ve been bobbing for caterpillars.”

(Or something like that).

We met once for drinks and a bite to eat, and it went very well. Then we went out on a date one night, and that also went well. He travels a lot for work and so do I, so we didn’t see each other for the next two or three weeks or so. He texted me a few times, and seemed interested. Then one day I got an e-mail from him that said he didn’t think we should see each other or try to move forward any further. I have no idea what that was about. In a way it was a relief because I really did dread dealing with that mustache issue.

So I was getting very frustrated. I had changed my online profile to include a “must-have” list. I decided if I was going to have any success, I needed to be very up front about what I wanted. So, I made a list. “The List” as it has become known has all the qualities I’m looking for in a man. Things I must have. For instance, it says that any suitor of mine must love dogs. I’m not going to deal with someone who doesn’t appreciate dog presence. It also says that my perfect mate will respect and support equal rights for LGBTQ persons, because I have several friends who are LGBTQ and I can’t date someone who doesn’t respect them or who makes fun of them.

“The List” is NOT superficial. It says nothing about looks, build, occupation, income, or penis size. It is a carefully thought-out list of things that are really important to me, and it was created in large part due to bad experiences that I do not care to repeat.

I received several nasty notes from guys who did not meet the requirements set forth on the list. “Do you honestly expect to find someone like this?” was what one guy asked me, while simultaneously calling me an “alpha female.” I blocked his ass and moved on about my day.

One day, though, I was contacted by someone who said, “I’ve read your list. I think it’s great. I think I meet everything on it. Hope to talk to you more.” And then I got another e-mail, and another! So this weekend, I have THREE meet-and-greet dates with three different people. All of them seem very nice, and I’m excited to meet them all. Fingers crossed that these go well.