This is to let you know that after many hours in the lab, and at least a liter of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey, I have developed what I believe to be a fool-proof method for picking all of the winning teams in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship. Said method, being magical, spiritual and completely non-rational in every way, will only be revealed after I win the big prize money at ESPN. You may purchase it from me then as well.

Imminent revelations notwithstanding, I am so confident in this method that I will now publish my bracket for all to see, copy or just plain marvel at, including gamblers, magicians, and even English professors at small liberal arts colleges. Herewith and whatever, I now submit my 2013 March Madness predictions.