Sunday, May 30, 2010

Thank God...actually, the Romans, I guess...that May is almost over. I said the same thing about April, and March, and will probably feel the same about June when all is said and done, but right now I am looking forward to a new month.

May was full of lots of good things though...although at the time they were happening they didn't seem so good...my kids are all "adults" now, which hasn't really changed a thing yet, but does still give a strange sense of relief. Maybe someday soon they will start paying their own cell phone bills, that would be a real relief.

At Em's graduation I had to spend time with my ex-wife, their step-mom, and it was...ok. It had been over a year since I had last seen her, and I didn't get that punched-in-the-chest feeling this time. Her husband avoided me, which was nice, because though I'm man enough not to hit him, I'm not quite man enough to act like I like him either.

Then I found out that Sam has a boyfriend. She had been a little distant lately, not calling or stopping in as much. The last time she was in the cafe, I mentioned something I wanted to do...I don't remember what...and she said she wanted to as well and that we should do that. She does that a lot, "We should do that..."

I didn't ask what. Two weeks later a mutual friend posted a picture of Sam smiling broadly with her head in the lap of a guy I don't know. Someone had commented, "They're great together, such a happy couple." I have to agree, they do look good together, and she really looked happy.

Maybe that's the "we" she meant all along.

I'm not going to mention it, I'm just not going to try anymore. It won't change one thing in our relationship...we'll both continue living our lives, reaching out to each other when we're both single and feel the need, and only then. That's the way it's always been.

In the restaurant world, Brett decided that Cafe Z couldn't make it and was going to close and try to find a job in town. I had, the month before, signed everything over to him just to get it off my books, and had written off any hope of seeing any of my investment returned. And I didn't really care about that. I didn't help him start it to get rich, I wanted to do something to help him out.

But a month later he's ready to call it quits, and though I don't agree, I really don't have a say in it anymore. So, I think about it for about an hour and call him back and offer him his job back here. The more I think about it the more sense it makes, and it should work out for the best.

I did get my investigator's license and am committing some money from the restaurant to get that business started, but the start-up is nothing compared to what it takes to get a restaurant up and running, and once that's done the overhead is almost nothing, and the money can be pretty good.

So, we'll see how that goes...still not sure how I want to do that, I'm not at all okay with handing out information to people without knowing how they plan to use it. I also really don't want to do infidelity cases...but on the other hand, people should know if their spouse might be bringing something home from his fishing trip besides tall tales.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Well, John's right, I do need to write more, mostly to clear my own head. Putting things down, even if I don't "publish" them, does usually help to put things in perspective. The problem is that everything I've felt like writing, everything I've felt lately, just makes me feel pathetic, like a foolish old man obsessing over the ones that got away, mistakes made, and roads not travelled, and I'm really, really getting tired of feeling and appearing that way.

Work? I'm pretty much not enjoying work at all right now. It's been slow as hell for the past few months (usual around here) and I got carried away when it was busy at Christmas and over spring break paying down debts. Now, that's a good thing, but it also means that I didn't go into the slow times with the cushion like I had last year. Plus, pretty much everyone at work has managed to piss me off lately and I really don't feel like ranting about that.

Right now, one of them is standing outside my office door, smoking, and talking about this fucking ab machine she wants to buy, and I'm about to snap.

The twins will be going to visit their mom and step-dad in Germany in June, and then they'll be moving out in August. This thrills and terrifies me and saddens me.

Now, another one, the new cook, just came in to brag about her pizzas, how perfect they are...then she's quiet for a minute and makes this "hmmmmmmm" noise, every time there's a silence she feels the need to fill it with a hmmmmmmm. Shit.

And one more thing, Facebook sucks ass. Really. I held out and held out against joining, but then I did because some of my good friends from high school and college were on there and some of my family was on there and it just seemed like a good way to stay in touch, especially for me, the guy who never calls or writes his friends and only communicates with most members of his family with a Christmas card (usually late).

Now she's back, talking about something else (all I can hear is my own teeth grinding) and taking my ibuprofen.

So, back to Facebook, it was pretty cool for a while, I enjoyed catching up with people, seeing pics of their families, staying in closer touch with my family, and I was able to not get dragged into the games and apps, learned how to block them so that I didn't have to see Bobby's Farmville activity every time I opened my page, but now people are getting in touch with me, people I never really wanted to hear from again, and of course I 'friend' them because I'm really bad at being rude from a safe distance, which is really weird.