How movies ruin your love life

I have written about my love for movies before, especially old movies. I was re-watching Troy the other day and I came across a rather interesting scene. In the first few minutes of the movie, the countries of Troy and Sparta have just had successful peace negotiations and are having a bash to celebrate their new-found peace. Prince Paris of Troy who is having an affair with Queen Hellen of Sparta sneaks into her bedroom and tells her;

Come with me. If you come, we will never be safe. Men will hunt us, the gods will curse us, but I’ll love you.

I roll my eyes every time I get to this part. I just can help it. What foolishness! And his brother Prince Hector feels me here. Here’s the conversation they have when Hector discovers Paris has smuggled Hellen on their boat.

Hector: You fool! Do you know what you have done? Do you know how many years our father worked for peace?

Paris: I love her

Hector: (Exasperated) it’s all a game to you. You think you know something about love. What about your father’s love? You spat on him when you brought her on this ship. What about the love for your country? You’d let Troy burn for this woman? I won’t let you start a war for her.

Hector: I’ve killed men and I’ve heard them dying and I watched them dying and there is nothing glorious about it. Nothing poetic. You say you want to die for love but you know nothing about dying and you know nothing about love.

Needless to say, there is a war and Troy burns to the ground. Don’t get me wrong, I love this movie. I consider it an all time classic. But, I have always had an issue with the fact that a whole country is burned to the ground because of foolish love. I call it foolish because it is reckless. Two men go to war over a woman and hundreds of people perish. Completely pointless if you ask me.

Don’t worry; I am aware that these are just movies or programs meant for entertainment. And no, I don’t take life too seriously. The reason I decided to write about this is because I have come across women who judge a potential partner on movie characters or a soap opera fantasy. If you ask them about their ideal man, they will say Alejandro or some other exotic name those men in Mexican soaps go by. Now, I have always had issues with love as portrayed by movies, soap operas and films. Here are a few ways movies ruin your love life.

It always sounds so beautiful, so heroic but when you look closely it has no roots. People bump into each other on the lift and fall in love. They go on to have one conflict then kiss and make up. In reality, people take time to get to know each other, become friends and then fall in love. And just so you know, conflicts are harder to work out in real life.

They encourage disrespect to parents and family. You see a couple fight parents and in-laws always exchanging hurtful words then go on to justify their actions. It is important to approach parents with respect. They may disapprove of the choice of your partner based on many things. Sit down and reason together. If their reasons regard character issues, take a step back and get to know her better. Your folks maybe seeing something you’re not. If their reasons are not valid such as tribe or education issues, discuss calmly and let them see your point of view. Be wise.

The movie always ends when the couple gets together giving the illusion of happily ever after. In real life, work begins after the wedding. You have to work for your happily ever after.

Sex is always out-of-this-world amazing. This is unrealistic. Sex in marriage is amazing but it takes some time to learn your partner. Just like you took a while to get to know each then eventually you were great friends and eventually spent nearly all day together, your sex life takes the same curve. You will have odd times especially during your honeymoon (I’m assuming here that you’ll wait till you get married). Despair not. There will also be days you will have the door banging, super awesome sex you see on TV 🙂 Movies also gives the impression that single people have great sex while married people have dull, boring sex lives. Totally untrue. Wait for your time and when you get married you’ll let me know. That’s all am saying 🙂

The concept of the one. People divorce their spouses, have affairs, shatter their kids’ lives all because they have found the one. Now you see why I’m using words like foolish and reckless throughout this post.

These are just a few misconceptions about relationships the media brings our way. Which other wrong concepts have you noticed? Share with me the movie and the misconception it propagates in the comments section.

I am Wanjiru Kihusa and I’m a writer and founder of Still A Mum – an organization that seeks to reduce maternal and newborn deaths in Africa. I am especially passionate about women and children.
I blog to share my thoughts and experiences hoping that in the process someone will learn from my life.

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Comments

I loooove this entry! I especially enjoyed the intro about Troy! It was so awesome I felt like I was watching the movie. You bring some excellent points. I hope your readers wont miss out on a great man/woman because they had unrealistic ‘movie’ expectations about their spouse or potential mate. Great writing dear!

I totaly love this article .i love movies mre bt i wount let thm affect me n as u said thy are ment for entertainment.99% of mexican soap operas potray a completly different perspective of love,friendship,family n relationships.thea is mre to finding the one,ignoring your best friend,cutting ties with your family and living ‘happily ever after’
be wise