Tales from the front.

How Caroline Learned Why The `L' Word Never Came Out

Caroline loved conventions. No. 1, they were exciting; a little work and a lot of fun. No. 2, they were out of town and she loved to travel. No. 3, they were a tax write-off.

And a year ago, if you asked her what No. 4 was, she would have said Ben. She met him at a convention, and he was the most important man in her 31-year-old life.

Like her, he was a sales rep. Like her, he was single. They met at her booth and went out to dinner that night.

"If there's such a thing as love at first sight, we met the criteria," Caroline says.

The convention lasted four days. When Ben got home, he called her. Then he called again. Then again. The calls became regular.

Ben came to visit. It's true he had a few business appointments in town, but they both knew the real purpose of his trip was to see her. He stayed with her. He told her how much he was starting to like her, how much he thought about her.

Ben visited a second time. He told her he had a ton of frequent-flier miles and he was going to use them to see her. Caroline was in love. She wanted to tell him, but she was hoping he'd say it first.

"Women know that saying `I love you' for the first time isn't half as nice as saying it after someone has said it to you first."

But Ben couldn't quite get those three little words out. He talked about how "special" Caroline was. How attractive. How much fun to be with. How much he missed her when he wasn't with her. But the "l" word never crossed his lips.

During their relationship, Caroline rarely called Ben. He called her. If she wasn't there, he'd leave a message telling her he'd call back. That was fine with Caroline. She didn't want to spend a fortune on long-distance phone calls.

But one night she was feeling lonely. She hadn't heard from Ben in a couple of days, which wasn't that unusual. But she wanted to hear his voice.

So she called. A woman answered. Their conversation went something like this:

Caroline: Who's this?

Woman: Who's this?

Caroline: Caroline. Who's this?

Click. The woman hung up.

Then came one of those moments Caroline wishes she could do over. She called back. This time Ben answered. But in the background, Caroline could hear the woman talking loudly and sounding very angry.

Ben really wasn't in the mood to chat. He told Caroline he couldn't talk and hung up.

A week passed. No Ben. Caroline decided to call again.

The good news was that Ben answered his own phone this time. He was alone. The bad news was that he wasn't going to be that way for long. His girlfriend was on her way over.

His girlfriend? Caroline thought she was his girlfriend.

Not exactly. She was just tiding him over. It seems he had a real girlfriend, but they had broken up when Ben met Caroline at the convention. Now they were back together. He had been meaning to tell Caroline. He wished she hadn't had to find out the way she did. He meant to tell her. . . .

Caroline hung up.

It's a year later, and Caroline is over Ben. She isn't dating anyone else, though she has gone out with several men. She thinks of Ben from time to time, and her only regret is that she called him back that second time, after his girlfriend had hung up on her.

"I cringe when I think of that one small act," she says. "I say to myself, `Who was I then?' I'd like to think that if I called a man now and a woman answered I'd think of a snappy comment, hang up and never look back."

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Is there a moment you'd like to take back? Send your tale to Cheryl Lavin, Tales From the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. Please include your name, address, and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column.