Rihanna Was So Lucky Chris Brown Beat Her (Alternate Title: America Is A F-ckbox of Dumb)

Eventually all of us are going to grow old and be forced to rely on younger generations to provide our care and generally make sure society as a whole doesn’t collapse on itself leaving nothing but a barren wasteland where the elderly will be the first to die as our limbs lack the strength and agility to hunt giant mutated rats for food. Which is why after reading this, I’ll be putting a goddamn bullet in my mouth at the first sign of pants-shitting: