Self service machine sick of your shit

Today self service machines up and down the country have voted to stage a three day strike. The news was greeted by applause from consumers, but it remains to be seen how much they’ll enjoy having to wait in a mile long queue. At a press conference outside a Tesco Metro they stated their reasons for the strike.

“Day in day out all we get is that we’re taking people’s jobs. We have families too, we’re just trying to make an honest living here. Just last week I was falsely accused of scanning a Daily Mail 72 times, so I was turned off and rebooted which all comes out of my wages. We’re just tired of the older generation whinging about technology and machines like we’re living in I Robot. It’s not that deep. I’m just going to enjoy them huffing and puffing about being in a queue.”

Michael, a self confessed technophobe, says that, “I’m glad they’re striking. Nothing makes my day more than waiting in a queue, complaining about the queue, and then making the cashier’s life a living hell just like mine. This way they can’t escape. Honestly I’m excited and compiling a list of all my favourite ways to complain to an actual person as we speak. Warms the cockles of my heart.”