My viewpoint is if you don't do anything crafty (knit, crochet, sew, bake extremely yummy decorated goodies, etc) you have no idea of the cost and time it takes to make anything.

I once made two friends a small fairy sculpture for christmas. They were personalised to each friend and took me about two days each from start to finish. I was immensely proud of them (now of course, I think they look terrible, but eh, that shows I'm getting better, right?).

My non-crafty friend looked at her fairy, thanked me, and stuck it on a shelf. My crafty friend (a crocheter) examined it from all angles, asked how I did the wings, took much more of an interest. I don't think non-crafty friend was rude, crafty friend was just able to see the time and effort that went into it because she did projects like that herself. Now, non-crafty friend gets purchased presents, and likes them just as much as something I made. For her birthday, crafty friend is getting a plush handmade squid.

My viewpoint is if you don't do anything crafty (knit, crochet, sew, bake extremely yummy decorated goodies, etc) you have no idea of the cost and time it takes to make anything.

I once made two friends a small fairy sculpture for christmas. They were personalised to each friend and took me about two days each from start to finish. I was immensely proud of them (now of course, I think they look terrible, but eh, that shows I'm getting better, right?).

My non-crafty friend looked at her fairy, thanked me, and stuck it on a shelf. My crafty friend (a crocheter) examined it from all angles, asked how I did the wings, took much more of an interest. I don't think non-crafty friend was rude, crafty friend was just able to see the time and effort that went into it because she did projects like that herself. Now, non-crafty friend gets purchased presents, and likes them just as much as something I made. For her birthday, crafty friend is getting a plush handmade squid.

You make it sound like the only reason non-crafty friend doesn't get homemade gifts anymore is because she didn't gush over the one you made and ask for instructions on how to make it. I found this seller on etsy who makes homemade cat figurines. They are adorable and i have taken to special ordering some as go to gifts for friends who volunteer at the shelter i volunteer for. I don't gush over them, I don't ask how they are made - but I appreciate they take time and effort and considering how many I have bought i am sure she realized that i love them. Some people just aren't gushers - doesn't mean they don't like the gift -just that they aren't going to gush when opening it.

My viewpoint is if you don't do anything crafty (knit, crochet, sew, bake extremely yummy decorated goodies, etc) you have no idea of the cost and time it takes to make anything.

I once made two friends a small fairy sculpture for christmas. They were personalised to each friend and took me about two days each from start to finish. I was immensely proud of them (now of course, I think they look terrible, but eh, that shows I'm getting better, right?).

My non-crafty friend looked at her fairy, thanked me, and stuck it on a shelf. My crafty friend (a crocheter) examined it from all angles, asked how I did the wings, took much more of an interest. I don't think non-crafty friend was rude, crafty friend was just able to see the time and effort that went into it because she did projects like that herself. Now, non-crafty friend gets purchased presents, and likes them just as much as something I made. For her birthday, crafty friend is getting a plush handmade squid.

You make it sound like the only reason non-crafty friend doesn't get homemade gifts anymore is because she didn't gush over the one you made and ask for instructions on how to make it. I found this seller on etsy who makes homemade cat figurines. They are adorable and i have taken to special ordering some as go to gifts for friends who volunteer at the shelter i volunteer for. I don't gush over them, I don't ask how they are made - but I appreciate they take time and effort and considering how many I have bought i am sure she realized that i love them. Some people just aren't gushers - doesn't mean they don't like the gift -just that they aren't going to gush when opening it.

I completely agree. "Friend thanked me for a gift and put it on display; I'll never make her a gift again." is such a non sequitur to me.

My viewpoint is if you don't do anything crafty (knit, crochet, sew, bake extremely yummy decorated goodies, etc) you have no idea of the cost and time it takes to make anything.

I once made two friends a small fairy sculpture for christmas. They were personalised to each friend and took me about two days each from start to finish. I was immensely proud of them (now of course, I think they look terrible, but eh, that shows I'm getting better, right?).

My non-crafty friend looked at her fairy, thanked me, and stuck it on a shelf. My crafty friend (a crocheter) examined it from all angles, asked how I did the wings, took much more of an interest. I don't think non-crafty friend was rude, crafty friend was just able to see the time and effort that went into it because she did projects like that herself. Now, non-crafty friend gets purchased presents, and likes them just as much as something I made. For her birthday, crafty friend is getting a plush handmade squid.

You make it sound like the only reason non-crafty friend doesn't get homemade gifts anymore is because she didn't gush over the one you made and ask for instructions on how to make it. I found this seller on etsy who makes homemade cat figurines. They are adorable and i have taken to special ordering some as go to gifts for friends who volunteer at the shelter i volunteer for. I don't gush over them, I don't ask how they are made - but I appreciate they take time and effort and considering how many I have bought i am sure she realized that i love them. Some people just aren't gushers - doesn't mean they don't like the gift -just that they aren't going to gush when opening it.

That may be the case, but that doesn't mean TWO would be wrong not to make homemade gifts for non-crafty friend. TWO would be perfectly in her right to decide only to make homemade gifts for people who gush... Or people who have pink hair... Or people who have pet snakes and wear nothing but polka-dotted clothes. Nobody's entitled to homemade gifts, and TWO can decide for herself who gets some and who doesn't.

(If, in fact, you are right in your interpretation. There may be a ton of othere factors in play.)

I am thinking about doing craft/art shows again. It will mostly be for my glass and jewelry, but I'll bring a few quilts with me (I like to use them for backdrops, etc, and sometimes I sell one).

I'm going to go to walmart and buy some of the disgustingly thin, stiff fabric they have that is indeed still $1 (or was last time I looked), and make the cheesiest, worst, handmade quilt that I can - blocks on the front where the corners don't match, scratchy fabric on back, ******* batting with lumps and bare spots, and tied it with plasticy yarn. Then, when the first comment about cost of materials occurs, I'm going to whip that baby out and show!

My viewpoint is if you don't do anything crafty (knit, crochet, sew, bake extremely yummy decorated goodies, etc) you have no idea of the cost and time it takes to make anything.

I once made two friends a small fairy sculpture for christmas. They were personalised to each friend and took me about two days each from start to finish. I was immensely proud of them (now of course, I think they look terrible, but eh, that shows I'm getting better, right?).

My non-crafty friend looked at her fairy, thanked me, and stuck it on a shelf. My crafty friend (a crocheter) examined it from all angles, asked how I did the wings, took much more of an interest. I don't think non-crafty friend was rude, crafty friend was just able to see the time and effort that went into it because she did projects like that herself. Now, non-crafty friend gets purchased presents, and likes them just as much as something I made. For her birthday, crafty friend is getting a plush handmade squid.

I thought I replied to this, but apparently it was one of those times when I wrote out an entire reply, then decided not to post it. I understand this. My friend Amy is non-crafty/artsy. I have happily made and given her some crafted things over the years that she specifically asked for, but really for the reaction I got, they might as well have been store-bought. Absolutely nothing she did was rude, she was quite polite about it. But I know from other comments she's made that she simply doesn't appreciate/understand the amount of work that goes into hand-crafting something. (Never will I forget the time she complained about a homemade quilt from her MIL because she "doesn't need another &^%* blanket!")

It's really not her taste; being hand-crafted doesn't make it extra-special for her. She's equally happy, actually even more so, with something store-bought, so why should I go to the extra effort of making something for her by hand? I want to get her stuff that she likes, after all. If she liked and appreciated the homemade stuff, she and her kids could have a lot of it between me and my mom, and my mom and I would have fun making it for her and giving it to her. But, she's not into that, and that's fine. She also only wants stuff that she's picked out, that's on her wish list--she doesn't really like "free thought" gifts. So I try not to get her those, either. Frankly buying gifts for her isn't that much fun because of her various restrictions and reactions, so I only get her gifts at the agreed-upon times, like her birthday and Christmas, in very narrow categories. I don't think of it like I'm punishing her, I think of it like, she has clearly shown me what she likes and I want to abide by that, because I want her to enjoy her gifts.

Now on the other hand my mom is really fun to get gifts for because she gushes, and I gush too, so at Christmas we sit around for days gushing over the wrapping of each other's gifts while my dad goes off to watch TV. I get a lot of gifts for my mom and she gets a lot of gifts for me, because we both like that kind of thing. Other people like different things--Amy actually really likes good food, so she and I go to nice restaurants and have a good time ordering a table full of food. My mom kind of hates eating, so that wouldn't work with her. No one's in the wrong there.

She ranked gifts & other items by their cost/perceived value. Store bought items were obviously easier to rank on that scale than home made or hand made items.

A cheap costume from the Halloween aisle was "better" in her eyes than a sturdy one from a family member that was made-at-home (so the one hand made from one of Grandma's outfits ended up in a land fill). It was just easier to make sure that the kids got to KEEP what they'd gotten and buy things by buying them or sewing labels into them so that they looked store bought - she just didn't recognize the manufacturer*...the hand made "custom" gifts were kept for those who appreciated that they were getting "customized" presents.

*She liked "designer" names - but this was before the internet, so she couldn't run a search on a "name" she didn't recognize.

When I was a kid my mom and/or grandmother always custom-made my Halloween costumes, but I was jealous of my friends' store-bought costumes and longed vocally for them. Teenage Dawn realized what a wonderful gift all her mom and grandma's time, work, and skill had been and formally apologized for what an idiot Little Dawn had been. I still cringe when I think about how ungrateful I was to those two amazing women.

(Never will I forget the time she complained about a homemade quilt from her MIL because she "doesn't need another &^%* blanket!")

And right there is where you lost me.

Because, it doesn't matter that someone went to all that work, etc., etc.--I don't need another damned blanket! Did I ask them to make me one? No. Do I have *room* for it? No. Is anybody cold in my house? No.

And in my case, do I even *like* homemade quilts? Probably no. Or do I like the colors/pattern they chose? Probably no.

But now I'm supposed to attach way MORE value to it simply because someone made it for me. I can't donate it to the Goodwill--it'll cause a family rift. Anywhere I put it, I will trip over it.

And every time I see it, I'll be reminded that:1) I hate it2) it's in the way3) I'm a horrible awful nasty ungrateful person because I don't love and cherish it.

And I resent that.

So I pray that nobody gives me anything homemade like that.

I have a crocheted afghan my DH's grandmother made for me. She loved me. But it didn't fit the bed--it was the wrong size. She took it back and added to it so it would. But now it looks funny, because she just added stripes going the other way. I love the way it feels, but it's the wrong color, and it's funny-looking. And I don't really like much in the way of handmade stuff; I prefer the finer, more polished look of machine made.

But I have that thing, because I will be slime if I get rid of it.

She also knitted booties to go on this big cloth doll I have from my childhood; it was a gift from "my little old lady down the block." I threw those out. Yes, in the garbage.

Oh, gosh, I've certainly gotten my share of horrible homemade objects, that's for sure! I remember in particular receiving a creepy doll as a child that was supposed to be a knock-off of a Cabbage Patch doll, which were super-popular then. And my mom is sick to death of the homemade potholders my dad keeps buying from little old ladies at church sales and bringing home.

I'm definitely not saying that just because something is handmade, it's automatically better than store-bought. I don't think the opposite is true either, though. I'm more addressing the idea that, in my experience, if someone doesn't do some craft/art form, they may not realize how much work goes into it. Which I think is actually the point of this thread, people (in general) not understanding that. And if someone shows that they aren't into receiving a homemade object--even if they do so indirectly--then I personally try to be conscious of that, and change what I give them. Just like I don't give Amy chocolate-covered peanuts, because she's allergic to nuts. Or invite her to read stories I've written, because she doesn't like fanfic. Just not her thing.

I would definitely not start making a quilt for someone unless I checked with them first and knew they wanted it! Too much effort to spend on something that they might not want.

I think you can dislike a gift while still appreciating the effort, thought and love that went into making it. My MIL likes to bring me lots of little novelty/joke nick-knacks that she thinks I'll get a kick out of, and I end up throwing almost all of them out shortly after.

Even if I plan to dump a gift as soon as she's left, I am being sincere when I thank her and gush over the gift. What I'm thanking her for is her time, her effort, the fact that she thought of me, and the shared laugh.

For her, the pleasure is in giving and being appreciated, and for me it's sharing an experience together. I would never complain to a friend about how she's always giving me junk that I have to throw out, even though in a sense it might be "true", because that seems somehow ungracious.

You make an interesting point, Toots. I once received an utterly hideous clearly hand-knitted hat from a dear friend. My thank you note said something to the effect of "Thank you so much for the hat! I didn't know you knitted!" I have never been more relieved than when she replied that, no, she doesn't knit, and she just bought it at a craft sale and knew I lived in a cold climate.

I craft a far amount - knitting, crocheting, some other things - and I'm pretty good at it, if I do say so myself.

I have one friend who loves handmade things. I've gifted her, and her daughter, with many things over the years. Another friend doesn't value handmade things at all. Fortunately, I asked her before I gave her anything. And our tastes are completely different so I stick to things she suggests.

Logged

After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice: If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.

You make it sound like the only reason non-crafty friend doesn't get homemade gifts anymore is because she didn't gush over the one you made and ask for instructions on how to make it. I found this seller on etsy who makes homemade cat figurines. They are adorable and i have taken to special ordering some as go to gifts for friends who volunteer at the shelter i volunteer for. I don't gush over them, I don't ask how they are made - but I appreciate they take time and effort and considering how many I have bought i am sure she realized that i love them. Some people just aren't gushers - doesn't mean they don't like the gift -just that they aren't going to gush when opening it.

Apologies for not being clearer in my previous post. I would not expect non-crafty friend or crafty friend to gush over something I made - that would be weird. I was trying to give an example of how being crafty can give handmade gifts some extra meaning.

Non-crafty friend got her gift, said, 'cool, thanks', put it to the side and went to the next one. I think because she didn't have anything to reference it to, she just saw it as a knick-knack I knocked up in my spare time, equivalent to a cheap ornament. You say you appreciate the time and effort - non-crafty friend didn't. Fair enough, she now gets purchased gifts, and seems to prefer them.

The reason I think crafty friend liked her gift is she recognised that it took money, time and effort. Non-crafty friend wasn't unappreciative, but she didn't see the effort so it had less meaning than if I'd gone and bought something.

When crafty friend made something for me I know that the present itself was secondary. What I appreciated was that she set aside time to make something for me - even went and bought wool in my favourite colour. It also doesn't hurt that she's an awesome crocheter (I swear, you knitting/crochet people are magical wizards, I don't know how you do it).

*snip*And every time I see it, I'll be reminded that:1) I hate it2) it's in the way3) I'm a horrible awful nasty ungrateful person because I don't love and cherish it. *snip*

Yes, this is why I don't want crafty gifts.I'm pretty dingdangity crafty. My mom is insanely giftedly crafty.I know what goes into the home-made stuff that's languishing in my house...and it's a burden. It's a burden because I can't pass it on/get rid of it/let it be a dog blanket because it was something that took someone absurd time and effort and should be cherished. And then there's guilt because I can't cherish it.

One of the joys in crafting for my 3 year old is that she *doesnt* have that baggage yet. In fact, she told me yesterday that the pillow I made for her, Katerina Kittycat doesn't like the brown ribbons on it--they're to brown. So I should make her a new one with green ribbons. (and I will :-P)