On the newly posted After Dark show, a /Film fan wrote in detesting MGM‘s planned Poltergeist remake. Not only did this topic snowball into the most tasteless Heather O’Rourke/pizza joke imaginable, we also contemplated whether the project qualifies as the first remake of a Steven Spielberg movie. And if so, is Jaws within reach? The freaky 1982 supernatural classic was officially helmed by Tobe Hooper, sure, but Spielberg’s directorial contribution remains a point of contention amongst horror fans. Today, Bloody Disgusting reports that Vadim Perelmen, a rather left-field choice, is in “heavy talks” to direct the unnecessary remake.

Perelman debuted with 2003’s House of Sand and Fog, a well received literary adaptation that garnered three Oscar noms, including a Best Actor nod for Ben Kingsley. Earlier this year, his follow-up, The Life Before Her Eyes starring Uma Thurman and Marilyn Manson’s muse, was memorably defecated on by the majority of critics. Perelman’s penchant for literature purportedly played a part in his attachment to the long-planned adaptation of Atlas Shrugged. Here’s a quote from his entry on Wikipedia…

“I don’t want to spend a year of my life working on a film that does not resonate with me on a poetic level,” says Perelman. “Since great scripts are a rare commodity, I realized that I have to create my own opportunities and not wait for the right project to come along—for fate to smile upon me.”

Thanks for showing up, fate. I’m pretty sure a facsimile of this guy was in my screenwriting class. Big chain smoker, wrist model. Just last week, Peter lashed into the announcement that Juliet Snowden and Stiles White [Ed.-poetic name combination] were hired to pen the new (and undoubtedly improved) Poltergeist. Their writing credits include the remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds for M.Bay’s Platinum Dunes, Alex Proyas’ Knowing with Nic Cage, and Ghost House’s sleeper hit Boogeyman. On a roll.

Discuss: What would Carol Anne say? And per our After Dark discussion, will the iPhone make an ace replacement for the original’s TV?