It's an ongoing quest.

November 11, 2015

11/10/15

So what about you? Are you single? Do you have a girlfriend?

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I am great. I missed Krav Maga class again, today. It sucks, and I feel bad about that, but I have an excuse. I was with a girl. I don’t know what we did. I guess we did a photoshoot. But I didn’t get to shoot my whole roll of film like I wanted. After about 8-10 shots, she seemed to be more interested in walking around and talking. I try not to be in my head and have fantasies about things like this. I’m not having wishes/ a delusion here.

So let’s see. We met up after sending a few happy text. Wow ! I mean she looked cute on her instagram, but not a look I was looking for and I wasn’t so excited about the shoot. I woke up from about 4 or 5 hours of sleep to get up and do it. But when we met up, she looked totally different. She was smoking gorgeous. She was beyond a 10. She had sparkling green eyes, huge and firmly shaped boobs, natural blond hair, and a perfectly shaped butt. She had a very beautiful smile. Even more, though. She was very nice, gentle; Japanese style. Japanese girls are very gentle/soft for the most part. I really get that vibe from all of these Russian girls I keep meeting too. She’s Russian by the way.

So with all the compliments I wrote above, you can guess I liked her. But it wasn’t an immediate like just from looking at her. These are thoughts I am just now realizing after leaving her some hours, ago. When I was there I was so focused on doing the shoot. She picked out the location, and I agreed with her and met her there. My eye contact was strong enough. I tried not to make it too strong, though. She was really locking in on the eye contact. We did a few cute shots at a really cute spot. People were in awww of us. We were just having fun. After that, we walked around and talked as we looked for new spots. At one point, she suddenly mentioned her husband. It seemed like she may have been testing my reaction because it seems like she watched me closely at soon as she said the sentence: “my husband is…such and such…”

I didn’t react. Though internally a small wave of either “jealousy” or “darnet!” had to be wrestled with and discarded of. The way she was looking at me was like: “What? What’s wrong? Does that bother you? Are you mad now? Are you jealous?”
It would have been stupid if I was any of that. Maybe I was a little, but I fought it off. I just kept talking like normal as I wrestled with that crap.

So we basically just walked around and talked. I even had her arm locked with mine as we walked here and there. We shot at one more place and then she wanted to sit and have coffee. I was going to pay for us, but she said it was her treat. We sat down and talked. On the way to our table, though, we ran into a friend of hers. Maybe I was in my head, but her friend looked uncomfortable like she probably wondered who I was and saw her as a cheating wife. I didn’t want to make it seem so. Other than that, her friend seemed like a very nice lady too. I hate how I think all the time.

She talked a lot, and I just listened and struggled a bit I think to out do her in keeping eye contact. What a shame, right? We went to the roof or the very top of the parking structure and talked about a number of things. On the way to the top she looked and me and said, “I like you. You seem to be really nice. You are really cool. I like you.” While there on the roof, we stood close and talked about how beautiful the mountains were. We talked about the trips we’ve been on. She told me a bit about her husband. She told me how they met. I think her husband spends a lot of time away from her and never wants to do anything together when he is home. Somewhere in the conversation she smiled and curiously asked me, “So what about you? Are you single? Do you have a girlfriend?” The girl that I am meeting with on Friday came up in my mind, but hey she’s no where near being my girlfriend. So I told her that I was single and stuff and a bit about my views on dating.

We walked back down to her car to get her jacket because she said she was cold. We walked back up to the fire place. She mentioned the fire place to me earlier, and told me that we should go by it later. I thought it would be so we could do a cool photo there, but it was so we could sit by the fire place and talk. We went there, but they never turned it on so we just sat, closely, and talked. She told me about her family and asked about mine and she asked what kind of work do I do. All in all, it seemed like a date. But that could be my stupidity and desperateness talking.

Oh, somewhere during the middle of taking photos of her, she asked to take photos of me. I thought that was pretty cool. I put one of me that she took, and I put it on my facebook. A bunch of girls started liking it. I even got a like from a girl I had asked out before, but she ignored me and I never heard or seen anything from her until this ‘like’. Some girls left comments, hand claps, and thumbs up. I guess I really am a good looking guy. Anyways, she had a class to go to later, so we hugged twice and said our goodbyes. She told me that she liked me once more, and that we should get together again.

Well, I guess I have wrote enough. Take care Journal !

Understand I’m not choosing to make the decision. It’s just something life forced on me and i have to life with. A new path and a new journy every choice that were given. And now it’s our turn; time for us to go and live it up