Wednesday, March 15, 2017

So many would revile against the continual War-backdrop of my need to express myself, so confidently, yet there were many annihilation traumas back when I had, no other ego nurturing cognizance to cope with Child-rape, Child-sacrifice, and Child-innocence suicide/homicide/genocide. Such a limited pure white blank screen on the infrastructure of complete naivety, depended on my acting OK, when total-soul KO is, all I ever knew, and I played the part of innocent victim, so well, that many others like me, depended on ‘Loser-me’ to make themselves feel fake-confidence Winners.

I have, absolutely Nothing to prove, that I am Earthly successful, but the resolute moneyless motive to discover how to figure out what happened to me, when I was, so overwhelmed with sex, and murder at, such an early age, that it drives me to distraction to be able to express what I feel, and what feelings, themselves, had forgotten to include me in our joint constant-blinding preposterous soul-destruction deafening-trauma Child-dramas. I never saw what was coming, and I couldn’t, ever figure out what was Mother-happening to me on “Prison Planet”.

I heard somewhere that, before a child sex-slave has, even developed the cognizant ability to cope with ‘early’ sex, and especially when a Mother needs it from us, that we sort of burn out innocent fuses and, all that’s left of us seems welded into a castrated-ball of toxic-shame, that comprises a constant need to blame ourselves for whatever shock-shakes us to our lost-soul Mother Earthquake core. How many sorrowful replications of my needy Mother victim have I played, that same emasculated part for others, so they were cheated out of their, own helplessness here on sex-predator, money-grubbing Mother Earth?

Here I go again, expressing what comes from Holy Spirit, so well that many, still acting Power Over-others strong, are, already to censure such piercing jabs to the Heart, and Soul of so many suffering slave-mirrors of unholy continual Satanic War traumas? I am sorry for all the words, that turn everything into rhyme ‘n rhythm, but what’s a little kid to do, when there were no words, or lyrics, back before any kid knows what to do with, all the soul arcing-thunder and spark-lightening inside total soul-violation Blackmail=Burnout?

I am sorry for expressing my fear, so well, but I have become a turning-within specialist, instead of that former muted child, that was turned inside-out, and wrung out to dry, even before I knew there was an ‘inside’ to hide away from continual ‘outside’ traumas. The same Brilliant Light that writes about how I got here, is the same Love flowing effulgence, that will carry me through whatever this Ascension energy needs to enlighten, and so can, any other Child-rebel, that has the cognizant acuity I, didn’t have, right when I needed forgiveness nurturing from all the lost-soul freaks, who made me feel like the one, who was, so stupid.

My childhood discombobulation-gift to, not know anything, and to be able to stumble around in the Dark, all the time without a clue, is the very thing we, all may, soon need to know how to do, and without question may save a few souls from reacting outside, as if ‘anyone’ knows what to do any more. We seem to be in a Spirit-pickle, yet few realize we ‘are’ the, very Oversoul-pickles, and the ONENESS calculus vinegar that holds us, all together, is the absence of Satanic-separation, that saved my initiated ass when what, I really needed was my Child as-a-soul innocence back.

My Inner Child Spirit speaks through the Ancient Child-speak Commonalty in all of us in Communion, so, no outside education made me speak this way, but all souls, who come to my Inner rescue, so it’s, all of you who make this broken~hearted child, be able to assemble words, that rhyme the way we all in-tend togather. Thank you for giving me the Child-delight passion to Love with Mercy, and please forgive me for such compunction to speak up for all the victims, that made so many smart-ass adult-baboons, seem, more like my Mother, the red ass orangutan, with such long peasant-politics hubristic-arms to play sodomy finger-wave Haiti-tsunamis in my tumultuous jungle-feeling lost-soul Pacific Ocean-speechless tiny-rowboat.

Pine Cone w/Thor’s help
For all conipinikins here

About the Author

Introduction:

I “Love” to Admit it 11/22/16

I “Love" to admit it, but I have been captivated by the constant Blackmail battering of this Child-sacrificing malevolent World, so that I ‘want’ to surrender to Holy Spirit, by turning within, as a new humble priority. Sex-slavery robbed me of my soul, as a child, yet once I realized everything difficult, that happens enhances my devotion to turn even, more within ONENESS Spirit Conscience forgiveness nurturing, instead.

I fought like Hell to work, very hard for Money to, barely survive, but after a few years of meditation, and forgiveness prayers to Holy Spirit, to do the difficult forgiveness of others, as myself, more money came to me from Spirit, right through other benevolent Sources, than I ever, even knew about, before surrender. I “Love” to admit that Money doesn’t come from hard work, or social-norm Blackmail, but comes from Source, just like everything else, we need to ‘thrive’, instead of, ‘barely survive’ in addiction to this Child-sacrificing malevolent World.

After losing connection to my, own Conscience, I have become a kinder feeling empath, and a constant seeming mistaken threat to others suffering, just like me, before I sat down, closed my eyes, and meditated my suffering ass off. Like kindness comes from within Spirit devotion, so too, does being able to feel again, without letting those ephemeral duties control my reactive behaviors any more. Money, kindness, and feelings come from turning within, to ask for help to forgive all my captors that, still suffer much tortuous regret for forcing me, to do things out of fear, that no Child would, ordinarily want to do.

After annihilation traumas of the lower fourth dimensional ‘murky unkind’, everything outside triggered my reaction to live in the past swamp, ‘as if’, so, as I became more addicted to the outside Illusion of, more fear piled up onto, more traumas, I “Love” to admit that, with a gift of desperation, I became a, very willing candidate to surrender to something else, besides this unholy smelling foul-World of sulfur-predator crap. Now I see, all suffering evidence, as a gift from ONENESS to have compassion, and Mercy for, all who, still haven’t turned within to receive Money out of nowhere, and become a kinder feeling person, instead.

I am more sensitive to Blackmail than I have, ever realized, and even that’s a gift now, because I used to blame myself, ‘as if’, all evil was my fault, but NOTHING can, ever be further from the Truth. I was a beautiful innocent Child, and I, still am, inside, no matter what I used to think, and no matter what constant Blackmail, still wants to make me feel that lost-soul way. Blackmail is a constant battering here in Karmic Hologram miming-mirror Earth Paradigm, and who knew; before I turned within, where enlightening compassion makes me feel like a ‘kind kid’ with pocket treasures full of Sparkling Golden innocent-kaleidoscope perceptions again?

When I surrendered to Holy Spirit, Money was the furthest thing from my new mind of Delight, and I, certainly was convinced, that I would, never become a kinder feeling empath, ever again. Getting old had become a ‘given’, but turning within has made, even gettin-gold a ‘variable’ out of my getting younger now, every time Holy Spirit welcomes me inside, where eternal youth commands, all kinder feeling empathic Mountain Top kindergarteners.

Money, Holy Spirit, my soul, kinder feeling empath, forgiveness, my Conscience, compassion, Mercy, my Inner Child Spirit, eternal youth, the willingness to face outside Blackmail with a new motive to serve, with the, very “Love” that I have to admit, all these Wonderful gifts from within nurturing, that replaces any more outside need for what, best can be defined as needy-ransom soul-selling Blackmail=Burnout.