Friday, 20 March 2015

21 Problems Only Vegan Parents Will Understand

Dedicating a whole freezer drawer to vegan cupcakesBecause you never know when there will be an impromptu party, birthday or tea party to attend, and the thought of your kid having to sit, empty handed, and watch everyone else eat cake is too heartbreaking.

The horror on elderly faces when you explain that your child can’t eat pork sausagesAnd knowing that they’re going to be telling people about it for the rest of the day, that poor child! It’s basically child abuse. Sure.

Not being able to buy an ice-cream from the ice-cream van on a sunny dayI still get depressed about this and I’m nearly 30. It’s just not the same when you have to scoop the ice-cream yourself.

The silence that follows your toddler announcing at a table of chicken nugget eaters that she doesn’t eat chicken nuggets because it’s made from dead chickens and that’s not very nice

Awkward.

Having pockets filled with every kind of vegan sweets, bars and snacks imaginable, just so your child can have what everyone else is havingWhatever that might be.

Choosing your babysitters very carefully

Are they good with kids? Does your kid like them? Might they try and feed your kid
cheese?

Going to Clarks to get her feet measuredThen exiting the store at full speed before she sets her heart on any of the leather shoes on display.

Finally feeling like preschool understand what vegan means, only for them to ‘double check’ with you whether your kid can eat cheeseNo Cheese! Simple, no?

Your kid eating a diet consisting of mostly chips every time you eat out in a normal eateryI guess it serves me right for choosing to live in a village and not in a cosmopolitan city centre, but I’m mostly met with blank faces when I enquire about the vegan options on the menu.

Your toddler mimicking your supermarket habits by pretending to read the ingredients on everything before announcing that it is veganEspecially when it usually isn’t.

Having to refuse a constant stream of biscuits being offered to your toddler

Seriously, can’t groups just serve fruit now? We all know sugar is bad for teeth, right?

Your grandma asking if your two year old is still bald because of her vegan diet

No? Just me then…

The weird amount of love you feel for people who make the extra effort to include your vegan kid at birthday parties I’m looking at you guys, procurers of dairy free ice-cream, vegan cheese spread, dairy-free chocolate buttons, apple pies, soya yoghurts and vegan sweets.

Telling people that no, you didn’t crave meat during pregnancy

Because you’re not actually Phoebe from Friends.

Tense games of pass the parcelAs you sit behind your kid with a bag of vegan sweets, waiting to do a quick swap should any sweets fall out when she unwraps her layer.

Having to tell Grandma that the Mother’s Day gift she ate was actually a bird feeder, not a weird vegan health snackYep, that actually happened.