“I came here thinking my church was doing all right. Now I see we’re so dinky and dumb, it’s not even funny,” says pastor Steve Irvine of Reno, Nev., who went to his hotel room and cried after each session.

Several faith-filled conference speakers shared how they grew their churches to tens of thousands of members with various ministry techniques. In the foyer afterward, many participants wore tight grins. Some broke down on the spot.

After paying $400 to attend the conference, pastor Ryan Delacourt of Eugene, Ore., left feeling “about three tons worse” than when he came.

“I don’t know why I go to these things,” he says, noting that his church has been trying to break the 100-member mark for twelve years.

After the conference some pastors hit the local Cracker Barrel restaurant to commiserate. Some vowed not to return.