Michael Jackson is dying, according to the oh-so-reliable National Enquirer.

A source says: "Painkillers and booze have caught up with him. The only way he was able to cope with the stress of sex scandals and his roller-coaster life was to mask the pain with substance abuse." Another insider claims: "His muscles and lungs are deteriorating, and he's bedridden much of the time. He can walk, but not for very long." [Newser, National Enquirer]

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Shh! Secret Oprah/Obama party in honor of the inauguration! Pass it on! [Page Six]

You know how, in W, Brad Pitt claimed that he and Jennifer Aniston "still check in with one another"? The New York Post's Cindy Adams says: Toro caca. Brad and Jen haven't spoken in three years. [NY Post]

Amy Winehouse continues to hang out with this random dude, Josh Bowman, in the Caribbean; yesterday she serenaded him from the piano at a hotel bar. [The Sun]

Congrats to Lisa Bonet and hothottie Jason Momoa, who (maybe) welcomed a boy in mid-December. The name? Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. According to Jason's mom, "He was born on the stormest, rainy night. Nakoa(warrior)...Mana(strength/spirit) Kaua(rain) po(dark)... The name was always going to be Nakoa-Wolf, but Jason did the research on first middle name, 2nd middle name as you know is Jason's." Okay then! [ONTD]

Did you know that Mario Lopez and Fergie were one another's first kiss back in the '80s? Anyway, now that Fergie is getting married, Mario says: "I'm happy for all of her success. She deserves it. Josh is a great guy. They will be great together." [People]

Dear Princess Beatrice: If you don't want your black BMW, which was a gift from your father, the Duke of York, to be stolen off the street in the West 1 area of London, don't leave your keys in the ignition. [Independent]

Taylor Momsen, Gossip Girl's Little J, was seen dining with her dad in MD, making a big deal about trying not to be recognized… And no one cared. [Page Six]

Finally! What we've all some of you have been waiting for: Tori Spelling is in negotiations to appear on the new 90210. [People]

Say buh-bye to Balthazar Getty on TV: The writers and producers of Brothers & Sisters have changed scenes and storylines to phase out his character, Tommy Walker, before the season ends. [E!]

Leonardo DiCaprio will star in the screen adaptation of Beat The Reaper, a novel by Josh Bazell, about a Manhattan emergency room doctor whose life becomes complicated when a mobster recognizes the doc from his former life as a hitman who went into the witness protection program. [Variety]

Being on Celebrity Big Brother has given Coolio a platform to say all kinds of crap; today he claims that the difference between American chicks and Brit birds is that English women get drunk and hook up with people they don't even know. [Mirror]

Blind items! 1. Which married-with-children cable TV honcho has been so helpful to an ambitious reporter who works for him, everyone thinks they're having an affair - including her boyfriend? Her beau dumped her flat after reading some incriminating e-mails 2. Which media mogul has been hitting on the flight attendant on his corporate jet - and her girlfriend? He offered the hotties an all-expenses-paid trip to Mexico City, but they laughingly declined. [Page Six]

Additional blind item! "Which reality star announced in the middle of a business lunch, “Whoops, just got my period!” — and then kept eating as if nothing had happened?" [Gatecrasher]

Some band has written a song calling for a confession from Casey Anthony, Caylee's mother and the prime suspect in Caylee's death. [Gatecrasher]

SNL star Casey Wilson wants to play Suri Cruise: "I just have to give her a voice. She’s got a lot to say, a lot of opinions. She’s very smart and she can wear that Burberry coat like no other. But I think I’m going to make her arrive in a spaceship." [Gatecrasher]

Dr. Jan Adams, the surgeon who operated on the late Dr. Donda West (Kanye's mom), was sentenced to a year in jail for DUI. He had a blood alcohol level of .20 percent. [The Life Files]

Check out video of rapper T.I. on the witness stand as he fights a raise in child support payments (he already pays $6,000 a month!). A lawyer asks him what size house he lives in, and T.I., aka Clifford, says "A big one." [The Life Files]

For some reason, Stephen Spielberg's image was being used on a flyer at the University of Wales, promoting their creative writing department. Spielberg's lawyers asked the school to cease and desist. [Telegraph]

Those of you hoping to see Gandalf's wand are out of luck! Ian McKellen is not upset that the nude scene from his version of King Lear won't be shown when the stage play is shown on TV. "Every night, when I'd take my clothes off, you know what I used to do? Pull in my stomach. That's pathetic. I was playing an old man. I should have let it all hang out, and I couldn't do that." [AP]

"Noel Gallagher wants me to play him in a movie about his life? That is ridiculous, he must have been in a very good mood to say that. I'm way older than him anyway, so I couldn't play him, but I love the idea, it's fantastic. I can play the guitar better than Noel can so I don't know how that is really going to work. I haven't had a call from Liam yet so I'll wait for that one." — Daniel Craig. [Telegraph]

"Israel is a NAZI state… Israel has enough money to pay each and every Palestinian to not shoot at them." — Roseanne Barr. [Page Six]