'I bleed every time I have sex'

Bleeding after sex is common but it does cause of a lot of stress and anxiety.
You should try a range of solutions and if these fail, it's time to seek
medical help, writes The Telegraph's sex and relationships agony aunt Dr
Petra Boynton.

Seeking medical advice is often the best way to reassure yourself when you have a sexual issue.Photo: GETTY IMAGES

These might seem like basic questions. But they are important as if sex isn’t what you want it to be this could be part of the problem.

Ask yourself ‘what do I like?’ ‘what would I like more of?’ ‘does anything stop me knowing or saying what I want?’ Your answers might help identify where you could make changes. For more ideas read Paul Joannides’ frank sex book Guide To Getting It Onor visit the following sites for more advice and information on sex:

Masturbation on your own and exploring with your partner what brings you pleasure can help you discover the kind of intimacy you like. You may decide not to have any kind of sex for a while, or explore other non-penetrative things that turn you both on. Or focus on being really excited throughout penetrative sex; stopping and starting as you feel comfortable and switching between penetration and other things that arouse you (such as kissing or receiving oral sex).

Regarding the bleeding itself, does it happen when you aren’t having sex? Or is it only happening after penetrative sex? If so, can you think of what might be causing you to bleed?

The main reasons young women report bleeding after sex are due to problems with penetration. This includes penis in vagina sex, or a partner putting their finger(s) inside you, or using a sex toy internally.

You can bleed if your partner has sharp nails that cut you – this can cause bleeding anywhere around or in your genitals. Bleeding can also happen if a partner who is clumsy or rough irritates your cervix. Or if you’ve had long periods of penetrative sex and are not well lubricated (wet). If any of these could be causing the problem the links above can help you address this with your partner.

You may find using a lubricant helpful. You can buy these online, or in a pharmacy or supermarket. Some sexual health clinics or GPs can also provide them on prescription. Lubricants are designed to add to sexual pleasure but not mask discomfort.

Bleeding after sex is something that shouldn’t be ignored, as it might be a sign of other problems. Particularly if you have made the changes outlined above and bleeding continues. I recommend you speak in confidence to your GP (you can ask to see a woman doctor if you want), your practice nurse, or see your local Family Planning Clinic or GU service.

They will ask questions about your sex life. How long you have been with your partner. Is this your first sexual relationship or have you had other sexual partners before? Are you straight, lesbian or bi? What does ‘having sex’ mean to you and what do you do sexually with a partner?

They may ask you additional questions about the bleeding itself. When does it happen? (e.g. after sex or during intercourse). What colour is the blood? (e.g. fresh/red/pink or a darker colour). How much do you bleed and for how long? Do you have any additional pain – and if so where is that located? (e.g. at the entrance to your vagina, inside your vagina, or more of a tummy ache). You can also expect to be asked if you’ve noticed any other symptoms (e.g. a smelly discharge, itchy genitals or pain when you pee).

Depending on the information you give them they may recommend you have an external or internal exam and/or an STI test. They may also check you for things like cystitis or thrush.

Hopefully this is a case of finding out what arouses you and communicating more with your partner. Please seek medical attention if the bleeding after sex continues. It’s most likely nothing to worry about, but if the bleeding is a sign of something serious it’s better you get help sooner rather than later.

Petra Boyntonis a social psychologist and sex researcher working in International Health Care at University College London. Petra studies sex and relationships and is The Telegraph’s agony aunt. Follow her on Twitter @drpetra.