TYRION LANNISTER REALLY DOES SHIT GOLD, IS A PROFESSIONAL GIANT

This is one of those “the long and short of it” pieces. Well, maybe it comes in a couple parts. A little person who goes by the name Andy Collins but moonlights as an oompa loompa has been doing very well of late as a performer at stag parties and hen do brides over in England’s Benidorm. Why this not too tall of a tale casts a long shadow is because Randy Andy gave at least one personal performance in the past that got him on the sex offenders’ list in the UK.

4 1/2 FEET TALL, COMMANDS $335 AN HOUR AS LIVING ICON

In a bit of a surprise Andy’s employers know about his conviction and continue to vow to stand by him. Well, perhaps above him. Anyway, Andy was convicted of forcing his way into someone’s home and exposing himself. That’s the long and short of it. But today this short shrifter is making about $335 USD, an hour, which must make him some hot commodity to stand by. At just 4ft 6in tall, that is one bustling bundle of joy. He otherwise makes a living being handcuffed to revelers who then go on wild bar crawls.

MINI-HE BUSTED FOR FORCED ENTRY, ERECT EXPOSURE

But one outraged Brit living in Spain said: “He’s scum, and he shouldn’t be working in this environment with people encouraged to let their guard down and drink to excess.” Collins was given a four-month suspended jail sentence and placed on the sex offenders’ register for seven years in 2014 after he dropped his trousers in the woman’s home and told her: “No one has to know about it.”

Now he plies his trade in Miller’s Bar, run by local firm JUST FK IT. Collins was spotted outside the bar this weekend wearing a staff T-shirt. The gig comes months after he was sacked in the UK for hiding his crimes to work at a teenager St Patrick’s party near home in Enniskillen, Northern Ireland, with kids as young as 14.

SEX OFFENDER ALSO POPULAR OOMPA LOOMPA, SMURF AND MINI ME

Recalling the incident in the UK, his traumatized victim said: “It made me feel really, really upset. He pulled his trousers down and was erect.” Stag and hen packages start at £250 for the first hour of “dwarf hire”, and £100 for each hour afterwards. Video shows Collins spanking a stag, and photos capture him dressed as a fireman, riding a woman around the bar. Other costumes advertised include Oompa-Loompas, Smurfs and Mini Me from Austin Powers.

Vicky Cartledge, boss of the bar on Calle de Lepanto, posted a video defending Collins after locals outed him. She refused to say whether hen parties were told of Collins’ sordid past.