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Ever since I was little I had this thing where I held attachments and had great difficulty letting go. Whether that’s letting go of past memories or physical objects it’s always been a problem. I think Autism does play a part in this but ultimately I became accustomed with this personality trait. All of this was an issue because I attached myself onto these things and I felt these memories or physical objects defined who I was when I was still finding my feet growing up.

Yesterday I decided to sort out my entire room before Christmas and I actually managed to throw out a lot of things that I haven’t used or seen for 10 years. I even gave some books and clothes to the charity shops as they were wasted in my wardrobe. I felt emotional as getting rid of things was not easy but I managed to tame my emotional attachment side and was resolute in my goal and decision.

It’s also worth pointing out as it feels appropriate that I’m only ever sad whenever I recall my younger years and childhood. In turn I’m at my happiest when I’m in the present focusing on my artwork and stories. Why trap myself in the past where I’m living in the realm of what really matters; the present. With that in mind I decided to get rid of all the sources that link me back to my past. I partly did that throughout the years but I decided to get rid of everything whilst I was feeling motivated.

Yes it was emotional doing it but right here and now I feel cathartic and for the first time I drew my pictures and watched Match of the Day without so much as a fleeting thought.

Knowing not to reminisce is one thing but to put that into practice takes time and I feel I probably needed time to let go. I haven’t been able to do that until now. So, from this moment on I will not reflect on my past in my future blogs as that will defeat the object of my achievement. I will do what I’ve already been doing and that is discussing my current news, my art, anime and generally things that are relevant to me.

Christmas is coming and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Thank you for reading. =)

Ryan.

ps, I also watched the anime film “Fireworks”. I enjoyed it very much. It was another great experience to watch an anime film at the cinema. =)

For the past few days I have been ploughing my head deciding what my personal highlights for this year were. In truth I haven’t really been trying that hard because I’ve been too busy enjoying my Christmas with my family whilst indulging in anime and my drawings.

Right now I’ll just select a few that come to mind. If I think of anything else, I’ll add them. =)

One: Family and Friends

They’re simply put, wonderful.

Two: YouTube Vlogging

I took a brave step and created my own YouTube channel discussing my weekly Fantasy Football team. This was very nerve-racking because I was opening myself up for criticism but I felt it was the right thing to do. Occasionally I did discuss the England team and general news but in truth I don’t really have any strong views and recently made the decision to solely focus on Fantasy Football. =)

Three: Kitacon Karnival

This year’s Kitacon was a better experience than last year’s Kitacon. Approaching new people was easier but it was just as nerve-racking as I still making small talk with cosplayers and taking their photos. I was unwell at times but luckily I didn’t feel as disorientated as I did last year.

Remarkably one of my pictures did feature in the Kitacon Karnival Booklet. It was surprising and exciting when I first found out and it’s just as exciting now, 8 months on before the New Year.

Four: Shopping Trip

It’s been quite some time since I’ve done a shopping binge for clothes but one day decided to give it a go shortly after my birthday. (Now that I think about it, it might have been in August… well, it’s still after my Birthday!) I struggle with crowds but I plunged through the troubles for the sake of buying new clothes. I most certainly made the most of the 8 hours outing but was glad to be home when the outing finished. =)

Five: Wii U at the Cinema

This is definitely one of the most unique activities I’ve ever experienced. I played the Wii U at a Cinema screening to celebrate my Brother’s birthday. It was a lot of fun and luckily there weren’t many people about because we did this in the morning! Hurray!

Six: Picture Requests

I’ve been uploading my anime art online for more than a year now and over the last few months I’ve been receiving a lot of requests to draw particular characters. This is a very nice situation to be in as it means that a lot of people are enjoying my art and it gives my drawing more purpose.

Seven: Epiphany and the Bubble of Troubles

This is definitely the most important aspect of 2016 for me. I’ve always been positive and looked on the bright side but I’ve been carrying this Bubble of Troubles that resulted in me thinking about the past and feeling sad. It was only in November that I realised why that was.

I convinced myself I was going to write an auto-bio of my life when I left school (I planned this when I was still a student). That turned to be a mistake as I kept on recalling sad memories and in turn I couldn’t let that Bubble of Trouble go… until now. I decided that I don’t want to think about my past, let alone talk about them, so, why should I? It resulted in over-thinking and letting my imaginations go wild to the point where I misconstrue reality with a mashed up fantasy.

With that I got that pin and popped that Bubble of Trouble that didn’t need to glide over my head. Since then I feel refreshed and I feel like I can be myself 100% without any burden stopping me. =D I still do have my limitations but I deal with them when I need to along with the situations which will arise every time, every day and every second. =)

Roll On 2017

I have many plans for 2017 (somewhat because they didn’t come to fruition this year. Whoops!) I want to release my book on kindle, I want to work more on my fantasy story, I want to try and socialise when the circumstances are right and draw more anime girls.

Something tells me that 2017 will be a very good year for me. I won’t speculate what that might be I’m just looking forward to it. =)

I made a big decision today over a matter that I’ve been debating for years regarding writing an auto-biography about my life with Autism. Basically, I decided against it.

Since school I always envisioned myself writing an auto-biography as I felt it was my duty to rather than wanting to. Every time I dug down to my memory roots I would always end up feeling sad and feeding myself negativity. Nowadays I’m blessed with the fact that I can move on from the past but I had big problems when I was little, especially when trying to communicate with others. It was painful and frustrating not being able to talk to the point where it felt like they happened yesterday. I can still remember the pain I was in and how sad I was.

One day, today, I thought to myself if this was really worth it. Is it worth digging into my past and re-living those painful memories for the sake of sharing my story and possibly making some money through book sales? I came to the decision that it’s not worth it. I don’t want to think about those times let alone talk about them so why should I torture myself? I have a lot of wonderful stuff going on in my life right now and no matter how I look at it, living in the present, today, is far superior than re-calling the memories of the past. =)

With that, let’s talk about how good today is. =D

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My life is wonderful at the minute. I’m editing my book after a few family discussions and I’m in the process of creating a huge database for my fantasy book so I can keep on top of my own information. =D

I’m really happy and touched by the amount of support I’m receiving throughout social media and art sites. =D I’m just happy if one person looks at my art but some of my art are getting more than 1 view. Some get over 10, some over 100 and remarkably some over 1000. Before I joined Deviantart I never would have predicted that I would receive so much activity with my art. Joining Deviantart is definitely one of my best life decisions to date.

I’m in the midst of tackling some fanart requests as I feel I’m ready to give it a go. So far I’ve completed 1 request out of 5 and at this moment I’m coping with the pressure rather well. I was asked to update my Yoko Littner picture by adding more colours and correcting the length of her right glove.

The final good news is that I recently reached the landmark of 30 completed pictures from my Manga Girls series. I find this exciting as this simple style of black and white with only the hair and eyes coloured allows me the freedom and time to complete pictures quicker. If I include backgrounds I focus too hard and take too long but if it’s just the lady, I can go all out as drawing girls seems to be my forte.

I amended and employed plenty of styles along the way and I actually think I get better every time I touch the tablet with my pen.

Finding my own identity was always an issue for me and it was tough as my autism was severe back then and I did not adapt well to change, especially clothes. Every time I would have to change shoes or get new shirts I would get really upset as I felt that I keep on losing my identity, every time.

I really dislike letting go of things so I started to attach myself to everything whether its old objects like clothes, past school works, old ideas for my story and even reminiscing about my past. I really didn’t like this but because I was consumed by all of this I felt that my past thoughts and past objects and emotions were parts of my identity as a person- maintaining the status quo, not adapting to change.

However, one day, I decided to change my mind set. Why should I remember sad thoughts? Why am I holding onto things and not letting go? That was when I realised that I’ve attached myself to objects and emotions as I convinced myself that’s what my life is like.

By focusing on the things that make me happy now I gradually detached myself from the sad memories and past objects. They include anime like NEW GAME and Non Non Biyori, hanging out with my family, Vlogging, Blogging, Art, Writing, Yoga, the list is endless.

Attachments are not bad, you just have to recognise the good ones from the bad ones and it very much reminds me of change. There’s good and bad change in time. As time ticks every second we are living in the present of that tick-tock on the clock with something to look forward to in the future. If time stopped, we would stop, frozen solid and never moving.

The only nostalgia that I kept from the past that still exists in my life today is the presence of Thomas the Tank Engine. Some of you will already know why he was and still is very important in my life. That is a happy attachment. =)

Attachments, emotions and memories are very powerful to the point where you do question your own identity. It wasn’t easy and it did take a lot of time but when I focused on my current happiness I gradually detached myself from the sad memories and the things that made me sad without realising it. In time, they disappeared completely. They may pop up every now and again but pop ups are insignificant to the bigger picture.

I questioned if I was sad, if I was a monster, if I was autistic and so on but those days are now behind me. Being happy made me realise just who I was and that defines me perfectly. =)

With Yoga it’s all about inner peace and enlightenment with yourself and others around you. It’s not necessarily about being bendy, that will come in time as it has with me.

My legs are more like rubber than bones now. 😀 Sometimes we overthink about the “what-if’s” rather than realize what’s actually true and what’s happening right now.

“What if”, from my experience, are triggered by thinking about the past and looking to the future. Of course I can’t change the past or predict the future so really there’s no point in worrying about things that won’t happen.

What if I was a football player? What if I went to a secondary school? What if I go to USA next month? I could literally go on and overthink but that doesn’t benefit me in the slightest.

Instead I just focus on what I’m doing now, in the present. At this moment in time I’m making some notes of my fantasy story then I plan to upload a picture and read Strike the Blood novel right before the Euros knockout stages. What a fun day this will be. =)

We all get into these traps of “what if’s” as it’s human nature to do so. And that’s when Yoga comes in. To me, yoga isn’t about seeking perfection, it’s about celebrating what human is and unwind from the stresses of work and over-thinking from daily lives and the “what-if’s.”

On Friday I played some games with my brother. We completed the original Donkey Kong Country game as a tag team. I still need to get used to the original Snes controller as I died quite a lot! We’re getting closer to completing the Mario 3D World. I find that level mega hard.

On Friday I spent most of the time just chilling and writing down future creative ideas whenever they came into my head. I spent most of the evening watching Captain America: Winter Soldier with my family. To me, you can’t beat a good evening if it’s filled with a Marvel film. I got a lot of nice presents and cards too. I got Atelier Shallie: Alchemists of the Dusk Sea from my brother. I got Dungeon Girls manga, Avengers: Age of Ultron T-Shirt and Non Non Biyori art book from my parents and swell pair of jogging pants from my sister. Plus, some cash from my relatives.
The icing on the cake, pun intended, was that my sister made me a lovely birthday cake. It was Mario complete with toadstools, pipes, coin bricks, clouds, piranhas and stars.

The following morning I booked a slot to go Segway at the nearest forest (which is still pretty far from home!) It was my treat for my family. It was really good fun. I was slightly anxious as there were 14 available spaces and when I checked there were 5 left and that means that there were going to be a lot of people attending.

We arrived three minutes before our time slot so it was a bit of a rush. We all walked. Then, we power walked. Then, we lightly jogged… five minutes late and we basically ran for it. XD We parked in a different car park from last time and we were not familiar with the terrain of this car park. Haha. The events never usually start on time but being late was not ideal for anyone, especially for me. I arrived at a good time and luckily the Segway was still on

It was even better as my family were the only ones who took part in the actual session! All the strangers who have booked have either cancelled or didn’t bother to show. It was like a personal tutorial for everyone in the family. We all had fun and it was just as good as the previous time that I went.

I am very tired now so I will probably take this opportunity to spend the next few days to chill out. I haven’t had much sleep as I’ve been too busy having fun.

I knew that I really wanted to go and watch Avengers: Age of Ultron at the cinema this year, but was I going to go? Eventually, I decided to go to the last showing at a local cinema with Mum. We both really like Avengers and fancy to go and watch it whilst it was still showing.

I was somewhat optimistic. As last Thursday was the last showing and it was the day of the Election I anticipated that there wouldn’t be many people at the cinema. I was really nervous when I was going out as I didn’t know what would happen. I was more hoping than anticipating for a small crowd. I was fairly relaxed when I arrived there. I ordered a Full Blast lemon flavour drink and took my seat. Initially we were the only ones there but a few minutes before the actual showing more people came. Eventually there were around 20 people in their seats, including me. I felt ok as they were sitting a distance from me.

FILM REVIEW

All of the best parts for me were the action and the comedy moments.

I thought it was funny how Captain America’s foul mouth became a regular occurrence. The other funny moments involved people trying to up Thor’s Hammer and the character Ultron.

I actually thought Ultron was amusing and it seems like he saw memories of all the avengers and took on most of their personalities. However, his personality is dominated by Tony Stark as he was the one who was trying to create him. I think Ultron is a complex individual and his intentions for humans to “evolve” are good but very twisted. I actually think he’s similar to Magneto in many aspects but probably not as complex as him. Ultron wasn’t doing bad things for the sake it, very much like Magneto.

I was a bit worried when Ultron did whatever he did to J.A.R.V.I.S. by trying to hack him or take him over. However, it turns out that J.A.R.V.I.S. didn’t get completely put down by Ultron and eventually became Vision with the help of Tony, Hulk and Thor. Vision became really cool and a bit of a complex character in his own right. I always wanted J.A.R.V.I.S. to do more as I think he really adds a lot to the story, and by becoming Vision it must have been rewarding for him. =)

It was simply humorous when Vision, or J.A.R.V.I.S. picked up Thor’s hammer and gave it to him casually. It sort of makes sense since that weird crystal thing is one of the most powerful gem crystal things in the whole universe. I think that gem combined with Tony’s technology created a brilliant humanoid. Vision said one of the best lines, “I was born yesterday.” I’ve never heard that line used in that way before. I was going to use that in my story but Marvel and Vision beat me to it. Haha. Not only did he have a good personality but his moves and powers were simply brilliant and with the help of Thor and Iron Man took out Ultron. =)

One of the best moments and fights for me had to be when Iron Man fought Hulk. He used that suit, Veronica, which was intentionally designed to keep the Incredible Hulk at bay. It was a bit like the Thunderbirds moment when his suit, Veronica, came from space and became a battle suit. I never known a satellite could also perform as a battle suit and I think it’s awesome. =D It was pretty intense and whilst I was really rooting for Iron Man to win I also didn’t want to see Hulk delve into any more despair. Luckily, Iron Man knocked him out before he could suffer anymore.

I was on the lookout for Quicksilver and Scarlett Witch. I knew they appeared in the Captain America: Winter Soldier film but for the life of me I couldn’t spot them anywhere. Of course, it all clicked when they appeared in this film. I knew they were siblings but I didn’t think they were the “twins” that appeared in the second Captain America film. I felt a bit daft for not realising that sooner but hindsight is a wonderful thing. =) I like them both. Scarlett Witch has those good abilities and Quicksilver can run really fast. A bit sad that they killed him off in the end, but… is he really dead? Or, are they trying to make us think that he’s dead?

Seeing Scarlett Witch and Quicksilver in this film makes me wish that the X-Men, especially Magneto, were part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I know in the Marvel Comics Iron Man goes toe to toe with Magneto and Magneto asks Iron Man to find his children, Scarlett Witch and Quicksilver. It would be nice if the Dad could meet his children but so far that won’t happen anytime soon. However, in the X-Men related films Magneto does meet Quicksilver in X-Men: Days of Future Past, but Scarlett Witch doesn’t appear in that film.

Anyway, the action was really exciting from Hulk busting people up, Thor using his lightning like a god and normal people like Captain America and Black Widow fighting with cool realistic stunts. Scarlett Witch’s telekinesis and hypnotic skills are great to see but I still like Iron Man and his suit of armour.

Black Widow’s romantic developed with Hulk was a little weird as I don’t really recall them getting close. As I recall Hulk went ballistic and chased after her. Haha. Perhaps I’ve missed something or there were hints in The Avengers Assemble film that I missed or forgot. I don’t disapprove of them as a couple, I just found it odd. =)

It’s great to see Nick Fury or rather, Samuel L. Jackson in the film and he helped out rescuing the people from that floating city. It’s nice to see Maria Hill as well and I’m pleased that Hawkeye became more relevant. I never knew he had a family and that secret worked well for him. =) I would have thought Pepper would have made an appearance but she was just mentioned. It’s disgraceful, haha. It’s great seeing War Machine and Falcon making small cameos, I never thought they would appear in the actual Avengers films.

I’m not sure who that villain at the end is supposed to be. Did he appear in Guardians of the Galaxy? I personally think he’s someone completely new as I don’t really recall seeing him at all. I don’t think he’s from out of space as that arm looks like is a human technology. In fact, I think it looks similar to Iron Man’s arm. Is he connected with that Hydra group that appeared at the beginning of the film?

Overall, I really, really enjoyed this film. I was slightly nervous as I thought Tony Stark was going to be the villain in the eyes of his Avengers compatriots as he was creating a weapon of mass destruction. Plus, Ultron’s personality is mostly based on Tony and Tony is not exactly the most selfless individual you would ever see. He’s also a mad scientist so he’s not the most sensible to begin with. In the end I’m glad all ended well… ignoring Quicksilver’s “death”.

I’m not sure if I will go and watch any more films at the cinema this year, I will have to see how I feel in the future. I do quite fancy Ant-Man so I may go and watch that. I always worry and get anxious through the anticipation of going out but I always manage to cope. =)

Right now, I’m going to get hot chocolate and watch episode six of Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? I really like that anime and it’s one of the things that I look forward to on a Friday night… or Saturday morning, as it is now. The Second Light Novel book is on root to my house and I’m going to give it a good read as soon as it arrives. =D

Christmas has an impact on people in different but wonderful ways. For me, it represents a time to spend with family and friends. So far, I’m doing just that. However, it never really occurs to me that Christmas is coming until certain things trigger my realisation…

The Coca-Cola Advert

Putting up the decorations

Home Alone on TV

Advent Calendar

Walking out in the freezing cold

Putting up the Christmas tree

When do you realise Christmas is coming?

The decorations in my house look splendid, and I’ve got a new star to put at the top of the tree. =) I watched Home Alone the other day on Channel 4 +1. I would say that both Home Alone 1 and 2 are probably my favourite Christmas films of all time. I enjoy it now as I did when I was much younger. Even in the days when I in a complete world of my own. I remember my Mum buying the Home Alone soundtrack all the way back in 1992. It’s both wonderful and amazing how time flies. I’ve come a long way since then. =)

I’ve been in a good mood recently. I recently finished my illustration on a picture that I’m quite proud of. I drew and coloured Aoi Sakurai from the anime, ‘Rail Wars.’ I was thinking of doing either Rias Gremory or Takao next. However, I also begin to wonder if it’s more appropriate to draw a Christmas picture with a bunch of anime girls squashed together. That could be a lot of fun actually. If I feel like it, I’ll give them a go.

So far I’ve been doing a countdown to Christmas. Every morning I would eat a piece of chocolate from my Thomas the Tank Engine advent calendar. Then, I would post #day1 for example onto Instagram. I’m finding that a lot of fun. I don’t really eat heaps of chocolate in truth, but when I do, it’s on a special occasion. =D

THANKS FOR READING

I still have plenty of presents to wrap and cards to send but it’s all worth it when the 25th December arrives. 😉

It seems rather strange that I have been blogging for one full year now and this was met by many adventures that I did during that period. =) I’m not sure how it started really. I believe I was just rambling on with my family when it came up in passing that I should blog about my experiences with Autism. I learned over the years that writing things down can release my unwanted tension and it’s another form of me expressing myself. =)

After careful consideration, I registered on WordPress and my blogging journey started…

I could talk about my year as a whole, but instead, I’ll just summarise and link to the blogs that I think are significant.^^/

I went to WWE Raw with my circle friends. I used to be a big fan of WWE but this was the first time that I attended an actual wrestling show. It was daunting but it wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be. Plus, my favourite wrestlers were in attendance.

This was good experience and an instant highlight of the year. I arranged a birthday treat for my brother. This was the first time that I had actually arranged anything. I was also venturing into the unknown here. It was a little distance away but we both had a really good time and I would do Segway again without hesitation.

On some occasions I would go to the Pub Quiz either as a night out or to celebrate a special occasion. I would often have to have a long think about whether I want to go out or not. Last month though, I went to the pub quiz for Cheese’s (the friend, not the dairy product) birthday celebration. Instead of needing to think I just decided to deal with my emotions when the time arrived.

In early 2014 I stayed at my brother’s until the early hours watching WWE Royal Rumble. For some televised wrestling events I would often stay over. Usually after the event I spend the rest of my night sitting in a chair reading as I don’t feel comfortable sleeping in someone else’s house.

This was certainly a joyous occasion and I celebrated it with a pint of J2O. 😉 I learned a lot about writing and how to approach a publisher. Nothing has been happening for me and my books just yet but I believe I’m steering myself in the right direction. =)

Visiting my college again was quite a challenge. I was invited back to college a few times to watch performances and to catch up with people but I declined those offers. I was out of routine and had become unfamiliar with everything.

However, this year, I decided to pluck up my own courage and visited. I thought long and hard about this invitation but in the last minute I decided to say “yes.”

I went to watch the Transformers film with a friend… this was definitely a significant moment as this was the first time that I’ve been out with someone without a family member being present. The following day I went to the cinema with my Dad, and I took the initiative as he is less familiar with the procedure then I am.

I designed a Halloween costume dressed as the Shockmaster for my Brother’s Halloween party. The day after that I went to London to watch Distant Worlds: music from Final Fantasy orchestra at the Royal Albert Hall. As I travelled to London it was necessary for me to stay in a hotel, the first time that I ever slept in a bed that wasn’t my own… If that wasn’t challenging enough, I then travelled to Liverpool to watch WWE Raw.

I believe I still have a lot to learn where blogging is concerned. What I have learnt though is that at times I probably forced myself to blog about stuff if I felt that I should blog about it. I like to think that in one year I developed my own style of writing and blogging. I consider myself always upbeat and looking on the happy side of life.

What I learnt is that I need to enjoy what I’m writing and I would often remind myself that all these blogs are from my own point of view. I tend to get the best out of myself if I enjoy writing, especially when reviewing film and manga. It can be hard at times since I find it difficult to summarise but thankfully I have my editor (aka Mum) to help me out. 😉

I find as well that if you don’t force yourself to blog you will have more things to talk about.

I feel a lot better when I’m blogging as it’s a good way to express myself. However, it came to light at times that viewers from all over the world are actually reading what I have to say. I’m also aware that some of my blogs have put smiles on the faces of my friends.

Making people happy is what motivates me to continue writing and blogging. Being happy is important, and if I’m making someone happy then I intend to keep up with that flow! =)

THANKS FOR READING

I summarised my whole year to the best of my abilities. How did I do? Did I waffle too much? Haha. Well, I had to figure out how I was going to write this blog. In all honesty, it wasn’t a tough as I anticipated. All I had to do was sum up what I did and share my adventures from last November to now. =)

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I can’t wait to see what my future adventures will involve next.

Are you the type of person who holds grudges? I was, I had many in fact.

Growing up was painful in many aspects, especially if you can’t communicate well. I sometimes would say things that were rude and not realise that they were rude. Or, I said things I knew were rude but I didn’t know how to explain myself. I was a bit scared to explain why I said things in case I was being judged. I didn’t want to do anything that was deemed as “wrong” or do anything to tarnish my ‘polite gentleman’ reputation known to everyone.

It did feel that I was often judged because of the things I said. I would receive a stern telling off for being “rude” and “ignorant” and generally having no manners. I was always fighting a losing battle and not being able to explain my actions was extremely painful and it somewhat scarred me. Later on in life I received harsher warnings and criticisms if I made a mistake or messed something up that put everyone out.

So, I ended up having a grudge against many people, especially my teachers. From my point of view they showed no interest in trying to understand my needs. Or rather, they thought they knew me but really they didn’t know a thing. I felt they were being cruel for no reason. It was always a losing battle. I would sit back and let them tell me off for being “rude” because I knew if I attempted to explain, or I would be accused of “answering back”. It always a ‘heads you win, tales, I lose’ situation.

They looked from their point of view and never tried to look from mine. Did they think that I wanted to be rude? How did they think I would feel when they were constantly reminding me of my mistakes? It’s not like I ever intended to be rude or deliberately get things wrong. So, why did everyone have to yell at me for doing something or saying something unintentional? Many emotions and many thoughts ran amok through my mind.

I think really, because it was an SEN school we were bought up to be polite “ladies” and polite “gentlemen”. When we greeted anyone, we were expected to shake hands as it was the “right thing” to do. But realistically shaking hands would only happen during formal occasions not on a daily basis. All in all I think that they were trying hard to make me into a “man” that they lost sight of me as a person. So, if I said anything “rude” or did anything “wrong” my teachers were quick to let me know.

As you can imagine, I had little confidence when I left school. I was scared to have my own personality and make friends with people in case I was judged or I said the wrong thing. This is where some of my grudges came from. I had a grudge towards many people as I felt I was never given the freedom to be myself, instead, I had to act in different ways to meet certain people’s “expectations.”

Now I’m a lot older I realised, naturally, that there are many people with many colourful personalities. So, why could I not have my own personality? My confidence sky rocketed towards the latter part of my Uni days and I like to think that I have an identity that I call my own. Many different people accepted me for the person I was and this made me feel more confident about myself. I gradually relaxed more and made some friends. =)

It still felt bitter though, because I felt that I did miss out on making friends in my younger days. Not now though. How I am right now has nothing to do with my past self. I’m in a good place and I have no need to bear grudges against the “scars” of my past. We can think about the past, we can consider what happens tomorrow but we all actually live for the moment. So that’s why I’m no longer caught up with living in the past. I am here, right now, sharing this story with a smile on my face. I’m in a good frame of mind.

It’s important to bear in mind that people who misunderstood me did not necessarily act out of malice, but out of ignorance and lack of consideration. That’s how I see it.

Ahem-

I’m not thinking about the past (at least until I was writing this blog, haha) I’m thinking; which food shall I eat now? Which new Anime shall I watch now? I hope Date A Live is available on Crunchyroll. Should I re-watch D-Frag? I fancy writing some notes of my story. I partly fancy drawing a fanart of Kirisaki Onodera from Nisekoi: False Love. I also want to watch the Simpsons on Sky One. Haha.

What do I feel like doing now?

That’s the question I always ask myself, and it’s the question that I’m asking myself right now. =D I felt like writing this blog so I wrote this blog in the given moment. But this moment is going to turn old in ten minutes time. So that’s why I never think about the past or future, I just live for the now. =)

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Easter is finally here. =D I’m going to have a hot cross bun for dinner, will you? I wonder if the Easter Bunny will bring me chocolate this year? I guess I’ll find out next week. Haha!