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How to Complain Effectively

Have you felt the urge to complain lately? Ever wonder why you or others do complain?

Taking on an empathetic tone towards those that complain I would like to help you and others complain more effectively! "What?" you might say. "Are you kidding?" "I thought complaining was a negative form of communication." Well, it certainly can be and that is why I am going to help you learn how to complain more effectively. Let's first look at why people complain.

It is true that there are those people that enjoy complaining and no matter how positive and helpful you are they just seem to like to live in their misery. They are not the ones I am speaking to today. I am speaking to you, the one that desires positive change and effective communication!

Often people use complaining as a way to establish communication and build rapport with others. They will start a conversation with something like "It's really hot today!" These are just ways of communicating and relating with others, a harmless conversation that lets others know you "get it."

Other more damaging complaining is when you are complaining about a person. I believe people do this because they are looking for answers, help to navigate their difficult relationship.

The problem with this is usually the person you are complaining to is either not skilled to help you or they are unsafe and will share the information you have given them creating an even bigger problem.

So the things to consider when complaining to someone is:

Is this person skilled and able to help me create positive change or should I seek a professional?

Is this person safe, able to keep this confidential and help me find the solution?

Other reasons people complain is because they are tired, need encouragement, hope, and direction. If you find yourself in this category take the time to think about what you really need, then when you are ready to complain be specific, "I am really tired today, would you mind offering me some extra help?" or "I am feeling really discouraged, would you please offer me an encouraging word?"

When you complain by seeking the solution to your problem you will find people are quick to jump in and meet your needs. In this way, you will be complaining effectively and soon you will find there is no longer a need to complain!

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