Getting more out of Valentine’s Day

Friday

Feb 7, 2014 at 12:01 AMFeb 7, 2014 at 3:50 PM

It’s easy to get a little jaded when it comes to Valentine’s Day. A holiday devoted to love is certainly a sweet idea, but it can loose its luster with all the commercialization and when you’ve been with your partner for a long time. So, if Feb. 14 has gotten on your last nerve, it’s time to take a step back and go back to how it all began … that is, how your love began. Here are some healthy words of wisdom from Elliot Connie, a couple’s therapist and best-selling author, about how to get the most out of your Valentine’s Day:

Remember when you first met –There’s a reason why couples love to talk about when they first met. That’s when they were newly in love, there was still mystery, and they shared exciting physical attraction. Have a conversation with your partner this Valentine’s Day about all the things you loved about each other then, what you did to show it, and how it felt. By doing this, you will not only remind yourself and your partner about the positive elements of your relationship, but you’ll also trigger many of those same emotions. If questions like this come up — “Why don’t we go out with friends/travel, etc. as often anymore?” — agree to have a follow-up talk the next day, but not now. You want to keep your Valentine’s Day dialogue positive.

Project your future together –Another conversation for couples who sometimes fall into a relationship rut is to have one that’s focused on the future. But there’s a catch. This isn’t some vague dreamy-eyed conversation. This is a specific talk about things you each want to see in your relationship one year from now. “I tell couples to write down 50 items,” said Connie. “You have to do it together, and you can’t stop until you reach 50. Not only will this fun activity spark laughter and bring up surprises, but now you have a Valentine’s Day ‘contract’ of sorts. You can review it next Valentine’s Day to see how well you did.”

Validate each other:When was the last time your partner told you how beautiful, smart, talented or thoughtful you are? For many couples, especially those who have been together a long time, it’s easy to take each other for granted. The problem is, we all need to feel valued, loved, fussed over and appreciated. Our partner is the perfect person to give this validation to us. Instead of saying “I love you” on Valentine’s Day, take turns with your partner sharing qualities you love and appreciate about each other. The rule is that this conversation has to last 10 whole minutes, and it’s a give and take. Notice how good you feel afterward.