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LYRICS:
The day we bravely handcuffed old ladies in the airport
Was the day I said, “Amen!”
The day we bravely detained a lady waiting to get chemo
And said go back to Mexico and don’t come back again

Was the day I said, “My America’s back!”
And I proudly came on a bald eagle’s back
And looked down at that patriotic goo
And saw red white and blue

The day we bravely tore the disabled from their wheelchairs
As they protested healthcare repeals
Was the day I rubbed old glory on my genitals
And felt how fabulous some patriotism feels

Finally there’s a gun in every hand
Of every child in every school across the land
There’s no more shooting, no more looting, gun deaths are nil
‘Cuz we gave guns to the mentally ill, yes!

Finally our streams are filled with coal mine waste
Finally this global warming myth’s erased
Dakota Access Pipeline is coming in in haste
Let’s firehose an Indian in the face!

And I can finally murder hibernating bears! That’s real!
Wait, I can finally murder hibernating bears! We did that!
This is what I voted for
This is what I voted for

I’ve always said too many poors are insured
I’ve always said too many cancers are cured
I’ve always said that Goldman Sachs deserves a break
I’ve always said the rich should take as much as they can take

Now we bomb every bomb that this country can make
While enjoying slices of beautiful chocolate cake
Kill civilians by the millions?
But we’ll never know
‘Cuz we sent all our journalists to Gitmo, oh no

Now America the Beautiful’s one of our only songs
Beauty pageants mandatory, and all women must wear thongs
Someday it will be legal to punch babies in the face—

Wait—what’s wrong with me?
Like, why do I care so very much?
Well, I’ll tell you my dark secret:
My parents were killed
By a hibernating bear
With full healthcare
In a super clean stream