Memphis, TN (GlossyNews) — A raging tea partier activist was shocked to realize the America he is so angry about — was actually created by his generation. “It was quite the epiphany, let me tell you,” said 56 year old Johnny Wiggins, looking over a noisy crowd of protestors at a recent Tea Party protest outside of Nashville. “All these people are so angry-but their generation was in control all this time. I just think everybody’s pissed off because things didn’t work out like they were supposed to. They’re scared to death of change because they’re old and stupid, and to add insult to injury, they’re vaguely aware of a really big change coming soon-they‘re all gonna die. This group just wants to accomplish something before then, but this is a psychological trap set by the right-wing media using fear as bait. Life is already scary-why make it worse.”

Wiggins went on to say, “And all this hatred-that’s my parents’ hatred, that’s not me. We are supposed to be beyond that. When you get all these older folks naturally afraid of change and you have an African-American talking about change, agitating them is like shooting fish in a barrel. And then they’re mad about their unemployment, but who would hire anyone who is going to have a breakdown if there is simple change like a new coffee machine in the office?”

“If these people could spend half that energy doing something for their community instead of marching around with these stupid signs–and not one sign has anything to do with the white boys that created this economic mess we’re in– don’t know about the rest of these idiots, but I’m going home to have a beer, watch the grass grow, and figure out how to help my community. Let me know when this bunch stops shoveling shit for Fox News and they can join me.”

Mr. Wiggins tossed his “Nobama,” sign, manufactured by Dick Armey‘s FreedomWorks organization, which is a well-documented front for the health insurance, tobacco, and asbestos industry, in the trash and walked quietly into the sunset…