A blonde was really sick of all the blonde jokes. One day she decided to get makeover. She cut and dyed her hair brunette and went driving down a country road, searching for someone to appreciate her intelligence. When she came across a herd of sheep, she stopped and called the shepherd over. "That's a nice flock of sheep," she said. "Tell you what, I have a proposition for you," said the woman. "If I can guess the number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" "Sure," agreed the Shepherd. So the girl looked at the herd and then replied: "382". "Wow," said the shepherd. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman picked one out and put it in her car. Then the herder said: "Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

On This Day in History

August 14 Events: 1934 - The ''Li'l Abner'' comic strip by Al Capp made its first appearance in newspapers.1935 - A government pension system is established with the passing of the United States Social Security Act. 1945 - Japan surrenders to the Allies in World War II. 1974 - The last United States troops leave Vietnam.

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Betcha Didn't Know This!

The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?”

On the Light Side

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!

Where Did This Come From?

ON THE HOUSE: "The drinks are on the house!" We all have heard this in a bar. The origin actually comes from British pubs, where the owner would invite their customers to taste their stock (pubs made their own beer back then.) Their hope was to give them a desire to have more and create sales. Today, anything that is given free (whether by a business or a person) is said to be "on the house."

Today's Quote

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys. – Unknown

Thought for the Day

When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?

Totally Useless Info

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

Strange Animal Facts

One million stray dogs and 500,000 stray cats live in New York City metropolitan area.

Stacked Funnies

HOW TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN ON YOUR NEXT TRIP TO WAL-MART: ** Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. ** "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. ** When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. ** During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

Here's a Cute One

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural "she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

A Quick Chuckle

At breakfast, the husband says to his wife “What would you do if I won the Lotto?” “I’d take my half and leave you” she says. “Great” he says. “Here's . I won yesterday! Stay in touch.”

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