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Change

I was walking through the aisle in my office while taking a five minute break. I glanced at the pictures that were on the wall.. The success stories.. The testimonials that Executive Creative Directors, Creative Directors, Account Directors and many others have... And then I stopped at one of 95%'s legends - Fajar Kurnia.

Fajar Kurnia, the Indonesian who swept the gold, silver and bronze in 2007 Kancil Student Awards, the student who pushed himself harder than everyone else, one of the most wanted employees in the advertising scene right now. Fajar Kurnia.

I wondered what gave him that ability to be where he is right now. What exactly empowered him to go on when he was faced with all odds? What exactly gave him the strength, the reason to persevere? What was his story?

And then I thought about my journey in Idea Rawkstarrs. I remember how challenging it was for me to come up with ideas that wow-ed people. I remember how I beat myself up, harder than my trainers did to push me to another level...

I recalled what I told myself at the beginning of the training. And I smiled. How could I have forgotten it? During module 3 in Idea Rawkstarrs, I did not even remember what I once told myself. But in the end, I got exactly what I wanted for myself. And that was

To be the best at the class. To come up with the best idea.

I remember during class, I made a declaration to my classmates that I was going to come up with 5 ideas that would get stickers (Creative Directors only put stickers on work that they thought were good). Throughout the journey, I did get 5 ideas, 3 of which I decided to merge them into a larger campaign that shouted the same thing.

And I am glad, looking back at the outcome. All my ideas got stickers. One of my ideas was the best of the show, and I got what I told myself at the very beginning of the training.

I guess it doesn't just boil down to how much I pushed myself. It was also what I wanted to create for myself. And here I am faced with the same question again.

Sure, there are a lot of things that have changed. I have changed, my work has changed... What do I want to create for myself?

And as I am typing this, I realize that I have already known what I want to create - change. I want to create change. Change in the way that those who come along my path, I will care for them. I will slowly create ripples of change wherever I go, whatever I do.

I want to mentor people. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I don't want to keep good things to myself. I want to share them. I want to look people in the eye and tell them that they're worth it. And those around me, I'm slowly doing that, bit by bit, each little courageous word at a time.

I want to write scripts that would touch people's hearts. I want to stand in a hall of thousands and tell them how I was changed and how they can better themselves. I want to tell those whose hearts are breaking that they can be whole again, and that there is hope for them even when the sky they see is bleak. I want to hold their hands and guide them with the little faith I have.

But in order to do all these big things, I have to start with the small ones first - myself. I realize I am not everything, but I am something. And something, though not everything, can make a change, can be a change, can change.

Why do I care, anyway? Why do I want to be a change, why do I even want to waste my energy when I somehow feel that I am alone in this battle?