7/09/2010 @ 4:30PM

The Conversation: Does Motherhood Increase Happiness?

This week the New York magazine article “All Joy and No Fun” by Jennifer Senior stirred a heated debate among community members of ForbesWoman on Facebook. The piece raises some controversial questions. Does becoming a mom make you happier or more miserable? Are nonparents better off? Is the “joy” associated with motherhood worth the sacrifices and moments of distress?

Senior writes that a wide variety of academic studies reveal parents are not happier than their childless peers. In fact, most parents are less happy. Several studies concluded that moms are less happy than dads, and single moms are less happy than everyone. One study reported that most mothers enjoy doing almost anything, including housework, more than they enjoy the act of parenting.

So we posed the question to the ForbesWoman group: Are moms really so unhappy? Do you think it’s better not to have kids? Immediately women with and without kids began sounding off.

From her own experience, Rashaunda “Shaun” Williams does not believe moms are generally less happy. “I find that I am much happier than I was without children, and happy that I am a single mom,” she says. “I do desire to be married one day in the future, but I have joy with my children, and we have the best fun together.”

Ratso Rizzo disagrees, saying she absolutely believes that motherhood reduces happiness. “It’s completely taboo to admit it,” she says, “but I hear women complain about [parenting] all the time. Having children and raising them right requires a lot of sacrifice, and most of that falls to women. And then there are the terrible teenage years …”

Mother of three (ages 11, 6 and 5) and business owner Alexis J. Smith sees the argument from both sides. “Children are not only a joy, but a blessing,” she says. “However, I’ve been there: Single with one child, feeling overwhelmed and under-appreciated. I can relate to the momentary woes that threaten to overcome even the best of moms. Furthermore, I think the overwhelming nature and the feelings of “decreased joy” stem from the Wonder Woman Complex that often serves more as a shackle than a crown.”

Some women admitted they might take a do-over if given the chance. “In my work with victims of domestic violence and child abuse, I see the unhappiness on a daily basis,” says Susan Schaefer. “Although I truly love my children, if I had to do it over I would not have children.”

Others debated the reasons moms might be less happy than childless women. Sarah James believes women are more likely to choose a life that is more “rewarding” than “happy,” a long-term approach that gives them a deeper sense of meaning. Mia Tidwell says that “being a mom today requires so much” and happiness could be diminished because mothers are so busy striving to be perfect parents, spouses and workers. Ching Siau Lin agrees, saying most moms are exhausted by a full day’s work followed by housework, dinner preparation and caring for children.

Joni Hubred-Golden blames poor government and corporate policies. “If we had national workplace policies that supported parenting, I’ll bet those numbers would change,” she says. “It’s hard to be happy when you’re exhausted and constantly forced to make impossible choices.”

A few of the women say they’d always known motherhood was not for them. Jayne Huddleston says she “never considered having children” and that many women have kids only because they believe they are “supposed to.” Janna Moseley agrees that the opportunity costs are too high. “Moms might believe that having children will give their lives meaning–but it doesn’t,” she says.

However, most moms say motherhood is worth it. Many of the comments reflect that being a mom is often demanding, overwhelming and draining, but it’s also fulfilling, joyful and deeply satisfying. “This paradox may be why this topic is so confusing,” Gabrielle Reilly says. “Yes, we may complain more as mums, but many of us are far more content, and wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

The Conversation is a series of reader-generated discussions from our communities on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Become a member of the ForbesWoman community today.