Divine retribution

Divine retribution

The Universe and I are back on speaking terms now after a chance meeting with someone from years ago who at the time treated me like I was a total tard and made me feel like I was a pile of slightly steaming dog crap before I plucked up the courage and told her in no uncertain terms to back the fuck off. But my how things have changed! There is a common conception, normally called Sod’s Law, that if you run into someone from your past such as an ex lover or a frenemy then you will be in the middle of the biggest bad hair day of your life, will be wearing your oldest, ugliest trackies and if you’re really unlucky will still have last night’s make-up smeared all over your face and a faint whiff of your ill advised drunken curry emanating from your pores. Thankfully, the Universe was on my side in this one and I won the battle for mental supremacy and bragging rights by being in the middle of a quote unquote Good Day. My inner bitch, who leaks out upon occasion (only when absolutely positively necessary) was positively gleeful to see her looking frumpy and downtrodden however in the knowledge of karma and all things good and holy (Johnnie Lou Lou’s, pashminas and fruity shower gels) I did later relent and feel a smidge guilty about the internal cartwheels I’d pulled. But it turns out I’m not the only one who has an inner bitch, as the soporific Gwynnie P, she of the baby pink Ralph dress and embarrasingly smug tears, the children with borderline abusive names and the wannabe Bono husband, has recently come out on her horrific lifestyle website (www.goop.com in case you’re a sadomasochist) saying that on hearing that her frenemy (widely reported to be Wino Forever) had done some reprehensible act she was happy. So it’s not just me!