(Closed) Pressured into setting a date, proposal.

So, I really need some advice on what do to with my current situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and we are currently living with my parents in order to save up money to move out once we are married. My mom had been nudging us both to get engaged for a few months since we have been dating forever it feels like. About 3 months ago she was pressuring us so much that we decided to set a date for our marriage, July 4th. Mind you, my boyfriend has never officially proposed or asked for my hand in marriage.

We are both young, 22, and have never been married before – so we have no idea how everything is suppose to work out. I just feel like my engagement was taken away from me, and that I was never truly asked to become a bride. Everytime I get on social media, another person is getting engaged or showing off their awesome proposal videos and I have nothing to say – absolutely nothing. I am very upset that my boyfriend has continued planned the wedding, knowing that I wanted the engagement just as much. Maybe I’m a jerk for wanted a proposal although we already set the date. I feel like my mom stole my proposal from me and I love my mom and my boyfriend very much, but I just feel like I’m not being heard. Should I break-up with my “fiance”, so we can get a do-over of the proposal? I don’t feel right calling him that when he didn’t even propose.

Or should I just suck it up, and get married to this guy. I love him, and he has cared about me through sickness and health but why doesn’t he feel the need to show his affection towards me through the proposal, or just kissing me in public. I need help, please someone let me know your thoughts.

Not everyone has a proposal like the big stories of beaches and fancy set ups. I think a lot of people’s story is really more like, well, we talked about it, decided to get married and went to look for a ring. I like my parents story, my Mom says my Dad said to her, “should we get married or something?” I would be worrying less about a proposal story and more about whether you and Fiance are really ready/wanting to get married or whether your mother pushed you into it.

What was your FI’s response when you told him that you wanted a proposal and public affection?

Also, I don’t think your mom stole your proposal away from you. You could have said that you will get engaged once you get a proposal. I know your mom would probably still harass you after that, but you were the one who agreed to be “engaged.”

You can still have your proposal and ring, you just need to express to him that you want that. If you’re really ready to get married you deserve it. Don’t let your mom pressure you into getting married.

As PPs said, most people don’t have some elaborate proposal and even though you are already planning a wedding, he can still propose to you with a ring later. Breaking up and getting back together to get a better proposal is silly and childish. You should be less concerned with a big proposal and wedding and more concerned with whether you are ready to get married. Your post suggests that maybe you are not and you were pressured by your mother to get engaged. Also, your last paragraph suggests that their might be a bigger issue regarding your SO not being affectionate. I would definitely take a step back and really think about whether this is what you want.

Yes, I should have spoken up when that situation of setting the date came about I guess.. so that means there is no chance of a proposal now. Fantastic 🙁

And when I told my Fiance that I wanted a proposal/public affection he just thinks its not appropriate. Since we have already set the date, he sees no need in trying to propose now especially since he doesn’t even have an engagement ring.. (I just wear a promise ring he gave me back from the begining of our relationship.) And since he doesn’t like to be open about our feeling/emotions, just holding hands in public is like PDA for him.

samantha.puryear: First off, several people have told you that you can still have a proposal, you just need to tell him. You can have a romantic proposal without it being a public flashmob. Some people just aren’t comfortable with PDA. It appears that your SO is one of those people. If he is still showing you affection in private than it may just be that he doesn’t like PDA. If this never changes, are you ok never holding hands or kissing in public?

samantha.puryear: Is this something you really want? To spend the rest of your life with someone that views your desires as “not appropriate?” If he’s uncomfortable with a public proposal, he could at very least compromise with a private, yet secretly “filmed” or “photographed” proposal. If he won’t budge on something so simple that caters to you for a moment, I would question the relationship… this is something that should be SPECIAL, especially if that’s what YOU want. Ideally (and hypothetically), you only get one engagement/proposal. You shouldn’t go into a marriage thinking you’ll have a second-shot.

You should not break up with him. That sounds awful. Just tell him that you think you guys started things off on the wrong foot, you put the cart before the horse or whatever you want to say. Then tell him you want to start the wedding planning over with a proposal. That you’d like to put the wedding planning on hold until after the proposal.

Have you booked anything yet? Is there money at stake? There’s no reason you can’t change the date if not.

You hsould though, consider if you want to marry someone who can’t give you the PDA you crave. That might be a legitimate problem.

I think the person you need to “break up” with is your mom. You and your boyfriend need to take life at the pace that feels right for you. No need to rush things.

Wait, you’re contemplating marriage while living free or at significantly reduced cost in the home of a parent who has “pressured” you to undertake the marriage, and you’re upset because your mother’s action has “deprived” you of a planned engagement that your Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t want to do because he dislikes PDAs?

There is no money at stake yet, and no bookings have been made for the wedding. All of our friends and family knows that we are officially engaged now though. It bothers me knowing that I didn’t recieve a proposal not even a “Will you marry me?”

So, I will confront him and make sure he knows that we will not plan anymore of the wedding until my needs of a proposal are met. I wanted a moment for just us two, where nobody else mattered. I wanted him to surprise me. I didn’t want to see it coming. I wanted to be swept off my feet. I felt nothing when we became “engaged” so I am taking that moment back. I dont want to always regret never being proposed too, and I will never be happy in my marriage knowing that.