Friday, 1 May 2015

Dear Owls, blanket.

Dear Owls,

We only show the world the part of ourselves we want them to see. Overtime, you learn that not everything you want to say is important and slowly a classroom of students who can achieve so much, end up a stressed lawyer, an unsuccessful start-up, and a thousand lost ideas that got sent away by uninterested investors or immature minds; minds that do not understand the particulate combination of thoughts that harvest the most amazing of unfinished projects. Sometimes, we need to hide the part of ourselves that the world simply cannot understand.

We are all so afraid of being in the nude, because our colors are so different. We're all afraid of something. I know I am. But if we let this fear control our lives, then that's funnier than being naked. There are things about my life I am yet to understand. With each year, I discover something about myself I did not know. Every year, I think the year that passed was the worst/best year ever. This year, I don't really ask of anything. This year, I want to survive. This year, I want to feel like I truly grew up a little, I want to believe that I could fly if someone pushed me off the nest. I don't even feel like I have a nest. I feel like I've been jumping from too many branches for too many years.

I need to figure out what I want in life. I know I need to do something to leave my footprint in this world. I need to know that if I died tomorrow, I would have influenced someone's life. Right now, it just feels like all I do is breathe. Even that I don't do too effectively.

Sometimes, I feel like a bird who could fly everywhere but someone's taken my wings. There's this thing about birds though... they poop on those they don't like.

Interesting turn of topics. Of course, poop is not the ideal focus for my blog update; not that it's not as crucially important as anything else I'm going to say.

We tend to hide behind blankets because humans are cold, and blankets keep us from getting cold. Except, that's what they're supposed to do. We use them as shields, barriers, weapons. Our phones are our blankets. Lifting them up every time we walk into an elevator. Checking our Facebook updates a thousand times a day. Loosing my phone was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but for many reasons it was also the best. 4 months is a lot of time. 4 months of not having a phone causes many questions from people. Judging minds. Unsupportive friends. In many ways, I was cold- my blanket was taken away from me and I didn't know where to seek shelter. So I made my own shelter. I read more books, drew more flowers on my notebooks and hummed the theme song to Power Rangers over and over again. I was the always the Pink Power Ranger, if anyone was wondering.

Our friends are our blankets, but sometimes you need to learn to get our of bed. You need to step into the real world and understand that people will move on and people will walk away when you most need them. It's not a question of if they will or won't- it's a mystery of when.

Slowly, you learn to let go of your blanket. Lord knows sometimes I go running behind it. Sometimes I pretend like I'm so transparent but in reality, we're all battling our thoughts. We're all trying to convince ourselves that we can fight our monsters. That's something we have in common.

I may not do much, but I know nobody should be afraid. Nobody should hide behind anything. If you're a bird, go be a bird. If you need to fly, then fly. If you're not ready yet. Then take your time. But be a bird and go poop on people.

Thank you! That means a lot. I use this blog for exactly that purpose; it helps me figure out where my thoughts really escape and how to deal with those creeping doubts. When I'm lucky, my doubts make sense... or, as you put it, 'art' :)