Monday, May 13, 2013

Another May 13th

It was 3 years ago today, May 13, 2010, that I lost my mom. It was 47 years ago, May 13, 1966 that she lost her mother, my grandmother. May 13th, Mother's Day, they always come together and I remember that Mother's Day was always bittersweet for my mom. I get it now, I wish I could tell her that.

In many ways it seems as if she has been gone forever and sometimes it seems as if those 3 months from a healthy, happy mom to losing her, just happened yesterday. I'm still using a bottle of her perfume and it hasn't been long enough that the bottle is empty yet. There are so many things I wish I could ask her and so much that I would love to tell her.

She lost her mother very suddenly when she was 36, with 2 little girls at home to raise. She never faltered. I never saw her cry although my dad said that she did often. She was the type of woman who protected her children from seeing her pain. I was only 11, so I had no idea what she was going through. I lost her at 55. I cried every day for the first year and some days I thought I wouldn't survive without her here. I wasn't stoic like she was, I called my daughter in tears many times and she was there for me in ways that I only wish I could have been for my mom.

Mom absolutely lived for her grandkids. She would hate this picture...but, you can see the love as she held my son for the first time. She is younger in both of these pictures with my babies than I am now. From that moment on, they shared a very special bond.

My daughter, a vision in pink on the way home

from the hospital, also captured her heart.

In the 3 years she has been gone, there have been so many changes in our family. My sister has had two daughters get married, I have one engaged. She would have been so happy for our girls and as wonderful as these moments are...something is just missing without her there. Some of her 6 grands have really thrived in the past 3 years, others have struggled and her youngest...is now 17, driving, going to prom and growing into a beautiful young lady.

Mom was our rock, the glue that held our family together. She was the one that we could talk to, who never minced words with us. When we spoke, she really listened and our kids had a respect for her opinions that they have never had for ours.

Life does go on and it certainly has in our family. Some wonderful things have happened since she left us and some not so great. We have had to adjust to things that are painful and difficult and yet we have survived. My sister and I are closer than ever, my daughter has really tried to step up and fill the void left by my mom, even though I tell her it isn't her job to "mother" me. People say it gets easier, and it does. The pain is no longer acute. I no longer wake up crying in the night and when I think of mom, I smile. The missing her, never gets better. She is with me every day of my life...and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, is May 13th a day of sorrow for me? Not really. I don't miss her more today than any other day, every other day. Is it jinxed that her mother died on May 13th and so did my Mom? I could think that (and I probably wouldn't go sky-diving today), or I could remember what someone wise told me...it is a special day. It is the day my Mom got to see her Mom again, after a long separation. I think that is a much better way to think of it. Love you Mom.

15 comments:

What a beautiful photo the last one is, all the others are too, but the last one, three beautiful ladies and you all share the same face!! I like the thought about your Mom seeing her mom again on May 13th. xo

Sue, if anyone understand this, I do. My mother has been gone for 23 years. She died when I was in my 30's, and my father died when I was only 19. All I can say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But I miss them every day, and particularly am aware of it as her death date approaches each May and her birthday in June. My father died on my MIL's birthday, and yes, I was dating Mr. Magpie at the time. But like you, I carry them with me all the days of my life and am so thankful to have had the parents I did. They were pretty phenomenal. Sounds like your mom was, too, and that your dad still is.

Hugs, my friend. I talked about something similar on my blog today. My dad's mother. She died when he was a teen, too.

I feel your sadness, Sue. Nothing, yet everything, stays the same after we lose someone we love. It gets easier but we never forget. Your mother looks like she was a happy, sweet lady and it's so nice that you got that generational picture.

How pretty your Mom was -- I know you miss her everyday. My mom has been gone for 10 years now although we went through a long process of saying goodbye, you can never be ready to not be able to see your mom again. She would have loved her 4 adorable great grand girls.....I'm so sorry for them that they never got to know her.

You've worded so well the way I've also felt since my mother passed away March 5, 2008. She had a brother that died March 5, 2005. Those kind of things seem so unusual. I remember doing the same thing as you, crying that first year. Anything could trigger the tears. I still miss her so much and miss getting to hear her voice. Your tribute to your mom is precious. Thank you for sharing!

Wonderful post, Sue. You were so very fortunate to have had a mother that you miss so much...it is a sign of the wonderful relationship you had. Although there is pain, you must also feel joy in that. Not everybody is so lucky.

Hi Suz,what a wonderful tribute to your Mom,she sounds and looks like a very lovely and loving woman and MOM.How blessed you are to have had her for a MOM.............and not one bit surprised why you miss her so very much. I loved what that person told you about it being the day she got to see her MOM after such a long time.also that is a beautiful picture of you, your mom, and daughter. Your daughter is a cutie too. Your Mom was a very pretty woman as well,as are you....

Sweet post, and I am sure it madeyou feel good to just be doing one more thing to honor her, a well deserved blessing for such an honorable woman.

You just did Proverbs 31:28Her children shall arise and call her blessed.

One of my very good friends just lost her mother and my own was diagnosed with a tumor that is likely cancer. I keep thinking that I need to treasure my Mom. And tell her more often how very much I admire her. And I think of my friends who have lost their mothers. And I greive for their saddness. For yours.

I can so relate!!! I miss my mom very very much...and I know she would love my kids so much and would be happy to see me so happy. I try and keep her memory alive by telling stories about her to my kids. we will meet our moms again......

What a beautiful way to look at things, Sue! I love how you've captured the same feelings I have...my Mom has been gone 18 years, this coming Memorial Day. She never got to see any of my grandchildren but she sure doted on my only daughter!