The Status Of Dorms

ASK DR. RUTH Ruth Westheimer

October 11, 1998|ASK DR. RUTH Ruth Westheimer

Dear Dr. Ruth: Do you think that single-sex dorms hinder gender relations? Dear Reader: While you may think that coed dorms have been around forever, before the 1960s all dorms were single-sex, and college students in prior years certainly found ways of meeting members of the opposite sex.

Coed dorms can make it easier for members of the opposite sex to get to know one another as friends, and that's a good thing.

But since the students take their classes together and go to various activities together, any hindering effect that single-sex dorms might have would be minimal.

Dear Dr. Ruth: How do you let a guy know you want him without being blunt or trashy?

Dear Reader: It's really not that hard. Making eye contact, and maintaining it, is a time-honored way of communicating to someone you'd like to know him better, and that's neither blunt or trashy.

Where your question gets trickier is if the guy isn't responding to the subtle hints. Does that mean that he is not interested in you or is dense? Increasing the level of flirting is OK, but as your question suggests, you shouldn't go too far because then he might think that all you're interested in is sex.

If you do want to go up and ask someone else out, my suggestion is to do it in a group setting. In other words, say to him, "There's a group of us going to see a movie or bowling or out to a club; would you care to join us?" That makes the invitation much less threatening and makes you seem less pushy.

Dear Dr. Ruth: If I don't want to have sex yet, what can I do to satisfy my boyfriend - or at least make him feel better?

Dear Reader: Try petting, or heavy petting. By that we mean that the two partners stimulate each other's genitals to orgasm.

You can remove some clothes or even no clothes at all to get the effect.

I think that there is nothing wrong with this. I do caution young people against getting fully undressed.

When two naked bodies are next to one another, sometimes intercourse occurs under circumstances that both will afterwards regret.

Ask Dr. Ruth appears every Sunday. Write to Ruth Westheimer, King Features Syndicate, 235 E. 45th St., New York, NY 10017 or leave a message at her Web site, www.drruth.com.