A 'Must Read' blog for all motorists currently being shafted by morally bankrupt private car parking companies as well as aspiring players and addicts of the game Bridge.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

SOME OF THE DUMBEST REMARKS I HAVE EVER HEARD............( Article by BridgemeisterGibson )

Having just read Judy Kay-Wolff's highly amusing article on sporting gaffs, I couldn't help but reflect on some of the comments made at my table by both inexperienced players, and those somewhat careless with words. So here a few classic one-liners, which my faltering memory can still recall......

- " I know I should alert....... but I haven't the faintest idea as to what my partner's bid means "

- " I could have made game..... if I had known we were in a suit contract "

- " Was that your Ace I just ruffed partner ? "

- " What.....your redouble was for rescue ? .........Oh dear "

- " I should have played East for the Ace of spades....because I remember now......he did bid that suit "

- " I know this sounds silly partner....but when I added your losing trick count to mine........the total seemed so huge.....so I decided to pass "

- Asked by a TD whether she was aware of her own hesitation before electing to pass, the old lady replied : " I didn't know if I was quite strong enough to bid...... because with no points I always pass quickly.... "

- " Oops....sorry partner ....I didn't see that opening two club bid of yours "

- Asked by a TD to confirm a revoke had taken place, when a club had been discarded on a spade, the inexperienced but honest newcomer replied : " Yes, but that was to undo my earlier revoke, when I discarded a spade on a club...."

- Having just gone off in a grand slam, a crestfallen declarer quickly apologised : " I took your 5S bid as showing 3 Aces, but yes ... I had agreed to play roman key card blackwood...."

- " I would have insulted you again partner, but I've run out of suitable expletives "

- Asked by an opponent as to the meaning of his partner's double, the newcomer replied : " I really think it would be far more sensible if you asked him "

- Asked by his partner what was the significance behind his play ( in 3rd position ) of the 3 of spades, he received the reply : " You had no desire to win the trick ?..."

- " Listen partner....never move any of my pre-emptive bids........you know I only make them on filth "

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Apart from being a keen political observer, I'm an unrecognised bridge genius who is forever thwarted by hapless clueless bumbledogs. Their bungled attempts to bid and play the cards properly never fail to stick one across me, such is the absurd injustice of this peculiar game.