Prince Philip On Loose After Release From Hospital, First Bite Victim Comes Forward

Lord Waffle King

Britain’s Prince Philip was released from the hospital in time for the holidays, and was allowed to spend time with the rest of the royal family for Christmas. But they may not be spending New Years together, at least not among the living.

On Christmas morning, we got reports that one of his attendants was bitten while trying to put his Christmas socks on. You know, the ones you always get as a gift from your parents that no one actually wears? They tried to make him wear them, and he didn’t like that.

The first bite victim unfortunately could not answer any questions because their skin is now peeling off and they’re foaming at the mouth. But authorities have been struggling to contain both them and Prince Philip himself.

As of right now, we’ve yet to hear anything more from the royal family, and local law enforcement have had a hard time keeping up communication with us. But the authorities have gotten the Special Tactics and Rescue Service involved to quarantine the United Kingdom and make sure this plague doesn’t extend to any other parts of the world.

No one is quite sure what kind of unspeakable disease Prince Philip may have developed. Perhaps it has something to do with whatever unholy black magic they’ve been using to keep him alive. Maybe it has something to do with Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein sacrificing child sex slaves to Moloch. We’ll never truly know for sure.

All we know is that prayers are all we have in this darkest hour of humanity. Please God, have mercy on our souls.