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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

It is raining here. Good news: I love the rain. Bad news: I was about to say it undid my efforts on my hair - but then I still look so fabulous, that the arguments holds no water. Excellent!I have this spectacular bouquet of purple and pink flowers in front of me - just to remind me that I am the most loved girl in the world. Excellent!

My current research focuses on software that network forensics experts use to track criminal activity. Many of you have heard of keyloggers? They log key strokes, documenting what you type - including username and passwords. This is actually available in software format. Also the means to send hidden mesages that are virtually untrackable are easily available in the open market. Very helpful to track criminals - but I can't help but consider the repurcussions of misuse. Not so excellent??The all-important, earth-shattering, moon-splintering Academy Awards nominations are announced. Here are my wishful picks:

BEST PICTUREShould Win : "Good Night, and Good Luck" Will Win: "Brokeback Mountain"

...not really a random day, and not really random thoughts, given that the day is unique and the thoughts are specific - but pedantics aside...

Hamas wins the day. The positive take: Sharon was such a hardliner that the Palestinians were appalled when he was elected - but has he not been the most effective peace broker so far...perhaps the same with Hamas here? And we can hope that they renounce violence - on all ends - because the loss of even one innocent life, is one too many. So let's hope for the best - if there is no hope, what is there?....besides, it was a democratic vote... and we cannot promote democracy and then bemoan the results...

Apparantly January 23, 2006 was the gloomiest day of the year. "Cliff Arnall, a health psychologist at the University of Cardiff in Wales, has devised a formula that combines personal and seasonal factors to calculate the year's emotional low point" Now while, I hate to admit that it was true in my case - here is the positive: at least the worst day is over and done with and I have the best day to look forward to - (June 23 according to the formula) though I shall believe there are many happy days in between)

The positive about the NSA scandal is that it can now be debated from a legal perspective. Freedom of thought and speech - ah, the positives of democracy!Oh - and happy, happy news - Manchester United is now in the Carling Cup semi finals against Wigan - and surely they must win!(picture courtesy of: chinabroadcast.cn)

I am still beautiful - that's something to be happy about - not that I ever expect not to be beautiful - but I am positively thrilled about it everyday. Thank you God!

Truly I would love to explore my thoughts further - but I must finish up on a presentation for tomorrow - and of-course face another day in my relentless pursuit of being alive...

...but before I go, let me keep the promise to myself and consider something that contributed to my relentless pursuit. Today in the presence of such coldness, I found such my hero who redefined my capcity to feel. There are no words to adequately express how moved I am - but I shall carry the feeling in my heart forever. So today, a part of my heart was revived- and I felt braver and stronger and infinitely loved - in my relentless pursuit of being alive.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

...besides, what have I really experienced to contribute to the world anyway? Have a survived an earthquake or starvation? Did I need to overcome abject discrimination? Did I not have a family who stands by me? Did I makes billions, lose it, and have the tenacity to win it again. No. So - forget changing the changing world - I am going to ensure that I make a difference to being alive... Today...it occurs to me that even the person who loves you the most, who could die to save your life, who would defend you in any court of law...can be so unloving and so cold... I think there is something very liberating about being disappointed; it makes you more self-dependent and forces you to question yourself. It forces one to acknowledge that sadly, I too have the capacity to be that unloving and that cold. And disappointment is subjective and selfish - because everybody is actually concerned with their state of happiness. Even a father, whose greatest prize is the happiness of his child, defines happiness by his own standards. And should the definition of happiness not match with the child, well...such unhappiness. But, is that better than a father who cares not for the happiness of his child? The answer seems obvious, but coldness is hard. How exactly is this contributing to my relentless pursuit of being alive? I don't have to know today - but perhaps I shall have a better idea if I am in the position of being a parent.

...everyday, I have decided to make the conscious effort of finding or feeling or believing or changing something about my world that makes my pursuit of being alive, well-spent... I used to think I could change the world - but if I am honest, what I really wanted was to feel that my existence in this time on this earth had a reason....now, despite my unbreakable self-assurance, I find that I don't need to change the world - because the world will change yet remain the same, as a course of nature, despite me...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

When I teach Discrete Maths, I introduce Permutations & Combinations with an example of Manchester United Football Club playing (and winning) against their arch rivals, Liverpool. I should note that in many cases, it also serves as an introduction to the students of this the football/ soccer phenomenon that is alight in other parts of the world.

So, January 22, 2006, here is reality mirroring mathematical principle: the best team in the world, Manchester United wins 1-0 over its staunch rivals, the commendable Liverpool. The 90th minute header by our defender, Rio Ferdinand has officially absolved him of all the misgivings I have harbored towards our mercurial but brilliant defender all season. To top it, Ferdinand also made a truly remarkable save from the brink of the goal post. To say I am elated would possibly be an understatement! But let me have the broadness of heart to say that Liverpool is the worthy opponent to the worthiest team - thus the victory is all the sweeter :-)