-- Surviving. Living. Hoping. -- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Adoption

Life Altering Experience

People often talk about the process of having a child as life altering. Getting pregnant, being pregnant, and going through the physical experience of labour are life altering. Then watching your partner with your child and learning how to parent together is also life altering. And then of course watching your child grow while supporting them to the best of your ability is bound to be life altering.

Well, this is all true for me.

The process of having a living child has been life altering in every way for me. 5 miscarriages destroyed my perspective of pregnancy. My personal version of labour never resulted in a healthy child. For me, pregnancy simply meant death.

Until just this once, it didn’t.

No matter how I look at it, I have to acknowledge that my son is the result of a healthy pregnancy. In this case, pregnancy did exactly what it is supposed to do. And that’s an amazing realization for me. I could not give my son life as he could not grow my son in my uterus. That will never be my reality. But my son’s reality and mine too, is that he was born as the result of a healthy pregnancy.

Choosing adoption, allowed me to see that pregnancy can end the way it’s meant to.

And while we never created our son, we are experiencing all the other life altering experiences associated with having a child.

By choosing adoption, I have been given the gift of watching my husband with our child. It’s amazing to watch Mr. MPB interact with Baby MPB. I always knew he was meant to be a father, but now I really know. Being a father is the life he was meant to have, and I am honoured to be his partner in parenting our beautiful son. And I am so grateful we found a way to become parents. And I am deeply and forever honoured that our son’s birth mother chose us.

And adoption has also given me the gift of being a parent myself and learning to parent with Mr. MPB. It’s not always perfect. In fact, we often find ourselves saying, just because we do things differently doesn’t make one of us right, it just makes us different. But it’s amazing to see and learn completely new things with him every day.

And of course, the most amazing thing is something that essentially all parents share – the rest of our lives will be spent supporting our son as he grows up. Showing him unconditional love and teaching him about life.

But the unique thing that adoption has given me is a new appreciation for human compassion. Before this journey I had never given much thought to what adoption really meant for everyone involved. But today, I stand here and I can say, the experience of having one mother place her child in the arms of another mother, is nothing short of profound. I will never forget her compassion and I will raise our son to know about her love and kind spirit. I will raise our son and will live my life to honour her sacrifice and trust in us.

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26 Comments on “Life Altering Experience”

I’m so beyond happy that everything has worked out for you guys, and that you were able to be matched with a birth mother who is everything you had hoped she would be. Your son is so lucky to have you both for parents. I can’t wait to hear all the stories about how raising him goes, and all of the adventures you guys have together. ❤

You guys are doing great if you’re saying things already like, “just because we do it differently doesn’t mean one of us is wrong.”. Well done! That one took us a while to figure out (but my way was usually better!😉).

I didn’t find pregnancy and delivery to be life altering really. I REALLY enjoyed being pregnant and loved being able to do it again, but I wouldn’t call it life altering for me. But that moment that they held Matthew up after pulling him out of my belly – THAT was when the alter happened. Life was forever changed.

I’m so glad that your life has been altered in this way! You will be surprised by what things no longer seem to matter to you, and what things are suddenly of critical importance. Great times ahead!!!

For me, too, pregnancy = death. Not on a conscious level, but deep down, I equated the state of pregnancy with fear, bleeding, anxiety and inexplicable loss.

I find/found (almost past tense) pregnancy very life altering. To be on the brink all the time. To work through all that fear. To see DH prepare to be a father, to see my body change to support a life.

And I wouldn’t have had this chance if it weren’t for another woman. Another mom. That’s hugely life altering, to think of how strong these women are, how compassionate and how much they understand and support the adoptive or donor moms need to nurture and their trust in us, which is precious beyond words. For months, I was STRUCK by the wonder of someone donating her embryos to us, but I can only imagine how you must feel. This is huge and wonderful and shows that the world can be kind and good.

Well said friend! I’m so happy for your new family of three, I’m so thrilled you’re getting to experience the joys of parenthood and I’m praying that you will continue to be as blessed as I have been through the miracle of adoption!❤️

Ah, I feel like, finally, the Universe has gotten it right. I am beyond thrilled for you that you are experiencing the joy of loving a living child. I still get teary-eyed thinking about it. I’m so happy this pregnancy ended in your sweet, healthy, beautiful son. And while I understand that you will always be deeply sad that pregnancy for your body means death — and I completely 100% understand that and would never, ever want to demean that by what I’m about to say next — I do agree with the above commenter that I did not find pregnancy to be life altering. Like she said, the real life altering moment for me was holding Lettie for the first time and thinking, “Oh, it’s you. You’re the one I longed for all this time, and now you’re finally, finally here.” That very same moment that you shared with your son. It’s all about that desperate, crazy, overwhelming love — no matter how it came to be. Xoxoxo.

I know surrogacy is different but I can understand so much of the depth of your feelings surrounding you not having your son were it not for another woman, so to would I not have J were it not for the selfless act of my SIL. We are both so unbelievably lucky to have been able to overcome the incredibly difficult roads to get here.
Much love to you all Xxxx

I think the thing that warms my heart most of all is the connection I sense between you guys and the birth mother. I think it’s an incredible gift for all parties when that relationship is so strong and positive. I hope that continues forever and ever, what a gift to you all! So happy for your new family!

God this is so amazing. I can’t believe you are united with your baby. You did actually in many ways create him – with your intention, your love and your serious commitment. I’m so happy for you I can’t even express it with words.

What kinds of things do you guys need for the baby? Can you email me your address? And if you feel comfortable, a pic of the little guy?

It really is wonderful to watch your man as a parent. Even though Eric and I had our issues when Monkey was a newborn I really enjoyed watching him as a dad because he was so wonderful at it. It is one of life’s great pleasures. I am so happy for you that you are getting to have this parenting experience. Xx

As a fellow adoptive mother adoption is born of loss…a birthmother’s loss, a child’s loss, and usually loss for the adoptive mother. It is amazing that all involved do well in spite of it all. Great post.

I have been catching up (I’ve been clearly missing from blogville!) and every time i read one of your posts I get all misty eyed and overwhelmingly happy for you and your family. What a beautiful world this can be sometimes. Friend, I am just so so happy for y’all!

I have tears in my eyes… I can’t imagine having the courage to place my child in the arms of another mother, but I’m so happy such mothers exist. And you’re so right, that pregnancies can end happy and healthy. I’m hoping my current one does!

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