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Boyfriend cares more about porn than improving irl sex

January 21st, 2018, 06:21 PM

Wew, where do I begin? I've been in this relationship for a little over a year now and I feel like our sex life is getting progressively worse. I used to actually want to have sex, but I started wanting it less and less and now I never want to have sex. So here's the deal. My partner is practically a sex addict. Like, he has an incredibly high sex drive. I don't. He is super mediocre at attending to my needs before/after sex. I've tried EVERYTHING to get him to put more effort in. I tried communicating openly about what I wanted, I tried physically showing him what to do, I tried sending him links to articles about foreplay, I tried being super blunt and telling him I wouldn't have sex with him until he tried harder. I feel bad but why should I have sex with him if I'm just going to be uncomfortable and bored? But none of that has worked, and instead he just watches this gross amateur porn literally every day with these tiny little women with huge asses that look NOTHING like me at all which only makes me feel worse and have less motivation to have sex because I feel like he's not ACTUALLY attracted to me, he just wants to get off. Like, he would obviously rather be fucking some bubblebutt college girl with a 26" waist but he can't get that kind of girl so he'll settle for sticking his dick in me. You know what I mean? I HATE IT. And it sucks cause this relationship is otherwise great and I love spending time with him but I'm just so unsatisfied and it's making me really irritable.

If you can't accept the mediocre sex then get yourself out of the relationship.

Its peeps like yourselves that end up having affairs.

"First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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Sounds like you have made your decision. And as far as I can tell, it is not about the actual sex you two have. It is about you feeling insecure and him not paying the kind of attention that you want (Which is fair if you ask me. I don't think that you're being needy).

Are there any other conflicts in your relationships? Do you two live together? How often do you have sex? How does he treat you during the day?

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Notsofunyguy - We don't live together, we only see each other on weekends because of work and stuff. It's definitely partly because he isn't giving me much attention but it's also a lot about sex, because I want to enjoy it too and I just don't because he doesn't even attempt proper foreplay and there's zero aftercare. During the day our relationship is good. He's a nice enough guy if a little pretentious and he definitely tries hard to be good to me and respectful, he's just not great at intimacy that isn't physical. Or intimacy that is, apparently...

Phasesofthemoon- I'd never cheat on anybody, I know how it feels and would never put anyone through that. I'm trying to figure out how to make an otherwise good, healthy relationship work. I wouldn't be here asking for advice if I'd already made up my mind or was just going to have sex with someone else.

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Well, people are different. For me, as a man, it is unacceptable to watch porn not matter the excuse. I hate this trend that wants to prove men are pigs who can never be satisfied sexually. But I digress, you have to "have a talk" with him. People don't change, but they can learn. And people show affection in different ways. For example, I am very vocal and I show affection to people by simply saying it or texting. My younger brother on the other hand, he never talks about love and affection to anyone, but he likes to surprise people and show love by being there, helping with chores, homework, etc.

So, it is about the principle of showing love and affection. You can't make people to show love in the way you want, but they should be willing to make you feel loved and desired. We can also learn to change our behavior a bit. So all that being said, if you think he is willing to show love, even in his own way, talk to him again and again. But if you really think that he doesn't show love and simply is not an intimate person, well, think about the relationship.

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I don't find anything wrong with it unless you're doing it wrong. And yes, your partner is certainly doing it wrong. You don't have to put up with someone who idolizes a different type of woman, body type or ignores you sexually or romantically.

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You say that all other aspects of the relationship are great, but is that really true. Someone that does not listen to your needs and wants sexually is not being a good partner in more ways than just the sex. That is a disrespectful way to treat a partner.

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You say that all other aspects of the relationship are great, but is that really true. Someone that does not listen to your needs and wants sexually is not being a good partner in more ways than just the sex. That is a disrespectful way to treat a partner.

The thing is he's actually listened to me a couple of times IMMEDIATELY after I talk to him, but then he goes back to not bothering. So I have no idea if he's actually TRYING and just forgets, or if he just does it when I bug him about it so I'll get off his back...