Re: Eating Disorder, Personality Disorder - Need a shoulder ......

Yes, grief is a big thing, letting go of how we thought things were to be for the new reality. To not be able to find a way to express this would be disenfranchising; I would suspect there are a number of ongoing consequences as a result.

Even when one has learned to live with major loss, there is ongoing incremental 'living grief' too - you would probably already know this as you come across things that one of your daughters will not experience, similar but different when either our partner and/or ourselves are the ones who are missing out. Learning to live with these smaller sadnesses too is a process.

I hope that in some small way here on the forum that you find validation and that you will find freedom to express any grief (or other emotion) you may be feeling.

Re: Eating Disorder, Personality Disorder - Need a shoulder ......

I think it’s pretty clear that we will arrive at a D-day at some point, but there is no way to predict whether that is around the corner, or a long way off yet ..... or whether we actually manage some sort of calm transition into a diagnosis ...... too many variables in play to be able to predict anything.

This cna bring about a pervasive sense of “what is the point in engaging in anything ?” when it could all overturn any day ? But if it doesn’t, then you are losing time to that state of stuckness, and not moving forward with your life ..... and maybe a degree can be fitted in between now and D-day .... or D-day could be a speed bump that doesn’t necessarily derail everything .....

We also can’t live in denial, especially when the symptoms and dysfunctionality are part of our every day life. In that regard it is no different to what everyone else here is struggling with ..... but in the absence of a diagnosis we don’t have the outer and medical / psychological support systems we would be able to access and which we ought to be entitled to ...... and validation is just as important.

Living behind a mask is devastating too .... so I try to allude to it a bit with comments like, “Yeah ..... he’s gone a bit extreme with the diet and exercise bit” .... and “Yeah ..... his workaholism has sort of rolled over into an extreme need to control, that we are just trying to live with at the moment. Putting boundaries on that is important.”

It is a reminder too, that this is his problem, and we are not to take on any more of it than we have to.

Re: Eating Disorder, Personality Disorder - Need a shoulder ......

@Faith-and-Hope I'm getting the core thing. It's been an uncovering from beneath the rubble, then, picking up fragments and trying, emphasis on trying to put something/anything together. But in it all , as with you, there are steps forward and backwards, small things to be greatful for, sunsets etc.

Re: Eating Disorder, Personality Disorder - Need a shoulder ......

Ooooh this is scary ......

D1 and SnIL have flown in to visit. Plans were made to go to the movies. S2 has had a melt-down around self-confidence and uni assignments, pulled out of the movies. If he won’t go, mr.f&h won’t go ....., SnIL doesn’t understand mi ..... thinks taking everybody to task will fix it ..... D1 not coping, so SnIL has pulled mr. aside to “have it out” with him .....

Don’t know what the fallout of this is going to be ...... beyond my control .....

Re: Eating Disorder, Personality Disorder - Need a shoulder ......

Okay ...... that storm has blown over ..... everyone is still talking to each other ......

I think the three of them cleared some air between themselves, at least well enough to keep moving forward .... and well enough that some suggestions could be offered and advice given and received ..... and I don’t need to know all the detail of it, just that everybody is still safe in this moment .....

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