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Author
Topic: Withdrawing From People (Read 11542 times)

I notice that I'm withdrawing from people. Although an introvert, I've always enjoyed a pint at the pub or a coffee with friends. My skin issues though are making me much more reclusive. I'm inclined to just stay at home and watch movies with my partner. Even at work, I rarely leave my office, try to avoid face-to-face conversations, not even turning around when I answer a question if someone pops their head in. My office light is turned off to avoid the unflattering brightness.

It doesn't bode well for how I will handle meds and their physical side effects

I know how you feel. I am meeting up with an old friend from elem school that I have only seen once in the past 20 years (different circles). He is bringing his GF and some single guys. I don't drink because of diabetes, but I sure could use one, lol! I am dreading getting to the bar first and sitting alone, I don't want to be seen. I need to be able to find a seat because of bad neck problems which affect my balance if I stand too long. I am going to feel like a wallflower until these people arrive. My lipo has made me thick in the middle and I feel like a marshmallow. My skin is pasty and sallow and I just have to force myself to go. I never hang out with anyone, don't have friends or even a partner, and it seems to just be easier to have my privacy. I don't have a job so I am alone most of the time. Shit. I think I know a little bit about how you feel. I am a turtle under my shell most of the time.

I know the feeling I also have skin issues (psoriasis at one point it covered 60% of my body) And being withdrawn is normal reaction. Have you been to dermatologist yet? If not, time to see one and get it taken care of.

I don't know what is your skin problem, but most problems can be succesfully camouflaged by make up. It is not like beauty make up but a specially designed substance to hide skin problems, scars tattooes etc which can even be water proof, it differs from normal makeup i the high density of pigment. If you pick the right hue and learn to apply it properly, people shouldn't realize you are wearing makeup at all. I am considering buying some to cover tattoos, but I will try to get consultation first. Your doctor should be able to refer you to a specialist in camo makeup, if he can't then any reputable beautician or makeup artist will probabaly know where you can go, or calling up a dermatology ward ina hospital to ask. You can buy the makeup online but it is better to know how to do it so to have some expert advice at first. I read that in the UK you can get it from the red cross. I attach a link from them about camouflage makeup:

I've done nothing but withdrawl since being diagnosed in Feb of 2006. I used to be quite social, going out with friends and co-workers quite regularly. I used to meet and make new friends all the time. I was charming, witty, and entertaining, on all the time. Since being diagnosed I haven't made any real friends, I've stopped calling or going out with the ones I already have and tend to spend the majority of my time either watching movies, playing video games, or reading on the internet. (Oh and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...)

I don't feel comfortable any longer in social situations where it's me and a bunch of people I've never met before or even just a few acquaintances. I do still see people who were a part of my life prior to my diagnosis but not frequently, especially by comparison to how things once were. It's summer now and I spend almost all my time indoors. I can't go to work somedays because I just can't face leaving the house, I can't focus on my job, and I accomplish nothing meanwhile wasting my employers money.

I'm living with my parents in a po-dunk little town filled with rednecks, and middle class families/retirees. I avoid invitations to bbq's, or any other party or gathering for that matter unless it is being hosted by someone I am related to or have been friends with for a long time. All my good friends know of my status as do my family but they don't know what to do or say so they seldom say anything, unless it's to give me crap about smoking while being diagnosed with an illness that leaves you succeptable to opportunistic infections. I mostly just want to lay in bed, getting up only to eat or stretch because I'm sore from too much laying in bed and shower when the need arises. I've been in this funk now for quite sometime and see no way of digging myself out. I seldom drink, I do smoke weed, but that's it. Anti-depressants and the side effects that come with them are not worth it. I hope that this will all come to an end one day and my life with become what it once was but I'm not going to hold my breath waiting...

oh, wow. I didn't realize it was that bad, from your previous posts you sound like a cheerful outgoing kind of guy. Almost too much so, I could easily imagine even the scenario that got you infected. A very social, casual scenario. What I mean is, no great love, no miscalculation, no sexcapade into some orgy, more like something I have seen whenever I travel, a bunch or a couple of guys off their faces, having fun, getting out there, in a foreign place, surrounded by the less-obvious, more subtle edges of the local sex trade. HIV is not on the mind of most of thse guys, even when they remember to put on a customary condom. You meet them in the Am I Infected forum later, freaking out all of a sudden in retrospect. Only very few actually get infected. The odds are not high at all. But it happens. I heard of a guy in my town working on a cruise ship, out one night in a Carribean port with a local girl, and bam!

Maybe that's what makes you isolate more. That you are not typical. That even in the world of HIV people like you are a minority, a minority within a minority. That no one in your environment can relate.

Well you've done the hardest bit, telling friends and family, and great that they all accept. And it's great that you keep working. But what about your life? What do you want to do with it? Do you want to spend it in a musty half-lit room? There must be something you want or need to do, work, learn, study. You can still travel you know. And you can still have fun. And quite probabaly get a great girlfriend. You just have to use a condom. I make it sound simple. It isn't simple. But it's all doable. But to get life going, you have to kickstart it from this standstill period. Like a car you can't leave it immobile for too long. You have to do something, not something big, just small. I know about thse BBQ thingies, I don't live at home because suburbia makes it even more painful for me. Here I am a foreigner, I pay a price for that but I don't feel choked and panicked by all this righteous, oblivious way of living. OK, so no wedding parties and family gatherings. But what about the gym? What about joining a class of some sort, just once a week? And don't give up on the poz female scene yet, I believe you that most are junkies but it can't be that each and every one, maybe the non-users also don't feel comfortable in a group. Do you have a personals ad? You could even meet someone from across the border. And neg girls, well that's harder, but certainly not impossible. OK it might be impossible if you have only professional babes in your sights, but not if you just look around at normal people.

You know what you made a mistake and got caught in the epidemic that's raging out there. That's all you did, a mistake. It's time to stop punishing yourself for it. You know this is a huge cliche, but change really does start with one small step. Wish you the best of luck with it.

Logged

"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Damn, Drag....Sounds like you were writing to me, too. Everything has gone to crap lately and i can totally put myself in northernguys' shoes. I have no friends and have thought about joining a class, but privacy seems so much cozier......You're a great inspiration to us.

Hey Northern Guy: You don't say exactly what your skin issues are, but I hope you find something that works for that soon. Being isolated for me for any length of time is dangerous. I'm not a socialite butterfly by any means, but I do have a close circle of friends. You know, people who have known me for years that I still associate with. Mostly people I've met in Narcotics Anonymous, which I still attend regularly. And I go to school. Been poz since 1989 (probably '88), and it's a long hard road. I wish you success.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hey Northern Guy: You don't say exactly what your skin issues are, but I hope you find something that works for that soon....

My face goes red and blotchy and it very very dry.One day it will be almost back to normal and I think maybe the nightmare's over and the next day its back. My whole face will sometimes turn bright red after eating or if I'm in a warm room. Other days its blotches of red around my hairline...it never ends.

The cruel irony is that below the neck its pretty much normal. Its as if HIV wants to mark me publicly.

So what exactly do the doctors/dermatologists say about it and what are they having you take for it? I know I have discussed this with your months ago, and has there not been any improvements at all? Have you tried going to a new dermatologist? When I went through a bad patch of skin issues I think I went to three of them within two years until it got worked out -- you have to find one that treats people with HIV, not just any ole dermatologist. Frankly I think dermatologists are a step up from a voodoo priest.

Withdrawing from people for a short period due to a need for introspection can be great and frankly I wish more people would do it. Withdrawing because you are self conscious of how you look and fear people's reaction is worrisome to me and it can become a trap in itself.

I appreciate what you say is the cause and I'm wondering out loud (and seconding philly's question) of what your dermatologists are doing at this point.

I'm also wondering if you might be able to arrange some social situations for yourself that don't require hanging out in a public place - such as dinner and coffee or drinks with your friends, who you do trust with this situation, at either their home or yours. It might be a way to avoid sliding into becoming a full recluse which I do fear and you obviously don't want.

So what exactly do the doctors/dermatologists say about it and what are they having you take for it? I know I have discussed this with your months ago, and has there not been any improvements at all? Have you tried going to a new dermatologist? When I went through a bad patch of skin issues I think I went to three of them within two years until it got worked out -- you have to find one that treats people with HIV, not just any ole dermatologist. Frankly I think dermatologists are a step up from a voodoo priest.

He's got me on Elidel for the eczema. That doesn't really deal with the flushing or flakies though. However when my GP referred me, he said the derm's been around since the "beginning of the epidemic" and he does rounds on the HIV ward, so he would seem to have the credentials.

I hope the Derma-E helps, but now that you've elaborated on the severity I must add that it's not going to be the right fit. Guess you'll see... give it a good month. My situation was never as severe as what you describe so take it for that.

I have found myself withdrawing from people including this site wich i loved and am now working with a therapist to figure out why.I am not sure how many of you remember me but I was very active in participating in this site.I am trying to become more involved again.I am trying to remember that every connection has a meaning.I lost allot of connections when I backed away from this site.Those connections helped me through my first 2 yrs of infection. Chris

Remember you don't have to be any more or any different than you are when you talk here. Often in situations where people withdraw they feel what they judge what they have to say as not being worthwhile or have other ways of shutting themselves down.

For me I often think about the choice between a decision for life or a decision for death. The decision for life allows for imperfections and opens things up. Whereas the decision for death says you're not enough, you're wrong, you're this or you're that. I say go for LIFE!

I've done nothing but withdrawl since being diagnosed in Feb of 2006. I used to be quite social, going out with friends and co-workers quite regularly. I used to meet and make new friends all the time. I was charming, witty, and entertaining, on all the time. Since being diagnosed I haven't made any real friendsI don't feel comfortable any longer in social situations where it's me and a bunch of people I've never met before or even just a few acquaintances. I do still see people who were a part of my life prior to my diagnosis but not frequently, especially by comparison to how things once were. It's summer now and I spend almost all my time indoors. I can't go to work somedays because I just can't face leaving the house, I can't focus on my job, and I accomplish nothing meanwhile wasting my employers money. Anti-depressants and the side effects that come with them are not worth it. I hope that this will all come to an end one day and my life with become what it once was but I'm not going to hold my breath waiting...

Like I`m reading my post......................Main thing is : What to say - what are you ill from , why you do not go to work , and , what excuse to find for a friends , father& mother in low , and neighbours ?I cannot say the truth , because of my children ...........and do not want to withdraw anymore ...........And by all means did not wanted to hijack the thread........Any advices ?

Withdrawal isn't such a bad thing I think.. When hit with this "disease" I believe introspection and reflection can be healthy in regards to who you want to spend your valuable time with. Most of people and life is bullshit and its better to be with a couple of close friends/family and alone then a social "butterfly" at the pub enjoying a overpriced flat beer and talk about who's going to win the big game... Maybe this is a time to look at who and what you want to spend your time with. Life is precious don't give it to underserving people.

The cruel irony is that below the neck its pretty much normal. Its as if HIV wants to mark me publicly.

It sounds to me like you might have a form of Rosacia (Not sure I if spelled it right, Sorry), but common symptoms are red splotches on the face.

I have skin issues also. I have sores that break out on my arms and legs and can take months to heal. One doctor said it was scabies and treated me for it, but I still get the sores. I use Physa--Hex in the shower daily to try and combat the sores, but to no avail. I don't wear shorts anymore to keep my legs covered. I do wear short sleeve shirts due to the heat here, but I don't like for my arms to be seen. I've always hated cold weather, so I don't getting out much in the Winter and now I don't go out that much in the summer. I loved going swimming in the Summer, and now that's a definite NO.

It sounds to me like you might have a form of Rosacia (Not sure I if spelled it right, Sorry), but common symptoms are red splotches on the face.

I agree with ga1964-from the way you describe your symptoms, it sure does sound like rosacea. If it is indeed what you have, I can sympathize, I also have it-and I know all too well the feeling of wanting to isolate yourself sometimes.Unfortunately there is no known cure for rosacea, however there are medications, some oral antibiotics, and topicals that you can use to help it some, also diet comes into play, as some foods will trigger a flare up, as will extreme weather conditions. The first signs for me were a lot of facial flushing, red face, especially my nose, and blotches here and there, very annoying to say the least! People would ask me if I went on vacation because it looked like I gotten some sun on my face. With treatment you can get it under control, I hope you find some relief for your skin soon!

Hmmmm, I don't know if the OP still suffers from the skin problems, being that this thread was started two years ago.

Wow, what a blast from the past! And timely too, as my skin is probably worse than ever right now. If I rub my scalp I become the human version of a snowglobe. I literally spend 20 minutes picking the flakes out of my hair after my morning shower. Its funny, I sometimes think the redness is better, but I think its just that I've become used to it.

I'm resigned to the fact there is no "cure" for this and that the only thing that might help is starting meds.

I've had excema since I was a kid. Very very bad excema in my youth. It was the worst on my ass cheeks and hands. One Sunday, I scratched it so bad it bled through my pants and a lady in the pew behind me screamed. Good times. NOT. My mother tried everything - Blue Boro patches, special baths, all kinds of topical creams. It reamined an issue for me into my mid-20s.

Then, I went to a young dermatologist when I was living in Philly. After a full examination he said "what are you hiding from yourself". I'll never forget that. He went on to say that my excema was mostly a manifestation of a stressor - typically seen (he said) in people who are keeping significant, life-changing secrets from the world and themselves. Solve that riddle, he said, and you will solve your excema.

I came out when I was 28. Six months later, I had no visible excema anywhere. To this day I am relatively excema free unless I get overly stressed and just start scratching a patch of skin. Excema will pop up on that patch. Weird I know.

So what does this have to do with you. Have you looked into the link between your isolationism and flare ups? In times when you are relatively healthy (good mental outlook) do you have less flare-ups? Does it abate when you are less stressed?

Lastly, doxicycline is something to consider as this may help with facial rosacia. Have you tried it?

Wow, what a blast from the past! And timely too, as my skin is probably worse than ever right now. If I rub my scalp I become the human version of a snowglobe. I literally spend 20 minutes picking the flakes out of my hair after my morning shower. Its funny, I sometimes think the redness is better, but I think its just that I've become used to it.

I'm resigned to the fact there is no "cure" for this and that the only thing that might help is starting meds.

Northernguy,

I have had a lot of skin problems this past year. I understand your predicament as I have pulled back quite a bit too from social obligations.

In response to the facial flushing you may ask your doctor about Metrocream which I think is usually prescribed for Rosacea (sp). And perhaps try T-Sal for your scalp. You may have already tried these, but just throwing them out there.