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Well, I have not posted for two months. In some ways, lots has happened. In some ways, very little. I went to Townsville, had a great time. I saw my Mum, and even had coffee with her on my birthday. I passed Psychiatry, which was a huge relief. I think Psychiatry messed with my mind. It left a permanent mark, that’s for sure. I turned 30. That is having lasting effects as well. I have been evaluating my life a lot / too much. This song came on the radio the other day, and it felt like my life story:

My mind is a combination of isolation, stress, disillusionment and boredom. This whole thing really is a weird time in my life. I feel like I have lost a lot of who I am. There are parts in me and my life that are dying. Some parts are dying at the hands of others, some are just withering away. I am paying a huge price to be here, sometimes it feels like I am paying with the actual substance of me. Combine that with other things that are growing in me, and I find I am different. I was something when I showed up that I will never be again. I don’t feel like it is “supposed” to go this way. But that’s another question that drives me nutty. What is it supposed to be like? Why? Part of the reason that I haven’t been posting is that I don’t want this to be full of my internal turmoil. But I’d be lying to everyone and myself to say it wasn’t there. A lot of the things that were going on here are still going on.

My General Practice rotation was great. I remembered why I started medicine in the first place, and worked with a preceptor who did it really well. There are a lot of ways you can “doctor” well, but this guy did it in a way that I really respected and aspire to. It wasn’t that he was just great at diagnostics, or that he was nice, it was that he was both, and took his job seriously and worked at creating an experience for the patient that helped them with their life. He took the craft of being a GP to a higher level. I was happy to absorb from him his style and approach, and would practice his techniques in the role plays that we would do at the end of the week. I spent a ton of time with him, too. We were expected to spend 16h per week at the clinic. I did about 30, sometimes more, per week. Thankfully, he was happy to have me, too. I went to his farm and vaccinated his cows, hung out with his son and had dinner at his house with his friends twice. Next up for me in the rotation department is a rotation actually called Medicine. It will be hospital work, wards and stuff. It’s one of the big ones, the other being Surgery. I feel like it’s going to be a pretty intense learning experience, as the expectations at the end are pretty high.

Right now, I’m sick. Sore throat, viral URTI in my opinion. It’s pouring rain, which is an experience in itself, for lots of reasons. I am on holidays, but have an assignment to do with my group, which is kinda annoying because I simply hate assignments, and it’s destroying my break by making me feel like I should be here doing it, and when I am here, I am feeling like I am trapped in the house. So that pretty much brings us up to date.