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thanks for the thought. I found a hand saw in the garage and might at least get it to the point where I can lay it down and get it out of sight. But, I really have my fingers crossed that Mom has a chainsaw.

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

man, you folks talk of food like you can win the battle! how dare you! i eat EVERYTHING! well, except seafood or fish! i'm from maine, the smell of the ocean, seaweed, turns my gut! can't do it! i live inland so i don't get that ocean smell...... funny though, i love the ocean... especially in the winter during a storm! those crashing waves..... it's like letting it all out! i love it! then too, i love being on the ocean, it feels freeing....?? i don't even really know, i just know i love it! as for food.... my only sweetness left in life... not only AIDS, cancer, hepatitis, asthma, and diabetes..... oh yeah, lots of things are NOT GOOD for me, but guess what? i love all of them! the sweeter, the better! am i gonna die from it? huh! ain't that a funny?! life is all about dying, it's just the way you choose to do it? isn't it? and then, you all seem to talk of partners or compatriots..... of which.... emabarrassingly i admit i'm alone.... 14 years and growing..... so my soft spot? yeah, it's food.... you WON'T take that away... lost booze, lost cigs, lost sex, you ain't gettin food! i cook, not great, but i do, i love to experiment, not lots with seasoning, but combinations... just made a mashed potato salad yestserday and ground up some celery.... mixed in, and YUMMY..... i eat WAY TOO MUCH junk, but like i said, it's my only 'feel good' in life! sad, sorry, and all that, but true!! my counselor and i are working on changing that, but 14 years in.... guess it'll be a while..... i didn't come on here to complain, but to talk food.... you guys were dishing (pun intended) back and forth, so i wanted to quip up something... LOL.... i like the grill... steak.... yep, medium rare... gotta be that way to taste! and corn on the cob? you betcha!! kills the gut, but pleases the senses!! guess which one always wins? LOL hey... hope you all had a great memorial day!bob mac

Ronnie, the yard does look good. I used to have a chainsaw, but I gave it away when I kept having recurring thoughts of killing my ex.(just kidding)

Bob, while I don't have all the extra ailments you have, I do have diabetes. One of the things that keeps me from going hog-wild on sweets is that I've been a resident in a nursing home. I've seen residents there who've lost both legs and are on dialysis because of not taking care of their diabetes. Just a thought.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hey Bob MAc,I hear ya on the seafood. I cannot do it either. We moved to Mobile Alabama for awhile and my stepfather worked in Pascagoula, Mississipppi...seafood everywhere. I LOVE the beach and the waves and the wind and the roar of the waves and the wind...totally there with you..makes me wonder why I'm not there now. I've been alone and tending my own garden much too long. It's been at least 16 years. Talk about being set in your ways. I'm a cheese addict. Put it on everything. mmmm Grilled steak, corn on the cob, baked potatos...all make for a Happy Memorial Day..ronnie

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Ronnie, the yard does look good. I used to have a chainsaw, but I gave it away when I kept having recurring thoughts of killing my ex.(just kidding)

Bob, while I don't have all the extra ailments you have, I do have diabetes. One of the things that keeps me from going hog-wild on sweets is that I've been a resident in a nursing home. I've seen residents there who've lost both legs and are on dialysis because of not taking care of their diabetes. Just a thought.

Hey, Betty,I just talked to Mom and...dang if she didn't ask .."what size chainsaw?"...who knew? I said''err, how about starting smallish and if that doesn't work then moving up?...(I had no idea they came in sizes)" Well, how big is the the tree you're cutting.?"..??..(My math is limited to balancing a check book and making change)...."oh, I don't know...maybe 6-8 inches?"...She is picking me up for my eye exam on thursday and we'll see what she brings. Exams..Katie brings up that there was a phone call verifying my surgery appointment on thursday... 0.o ...so my brain starts up and like a diesel engine, it's slow at first but after it gets warmed up runs like a champ....and it clicks that all of a sudden I have two appointments on the same day at the same time...what are the odds?...so I have to get busy and call this person in charge of appointments and I ask, " are y'all just going to kill two birds with one stone and have both appointments at the same time and start pulling me apart on the table?"...She laughed and rescheduled the oral surgeon for the 5th. Which, I probably should have checked my calendar, since I have become so busy lately with appointments....from famine to feast.....Katie's on the phone talking to her doctor about her back..about time, I told her to talk to him weeks ago...maybe something will come of it...as in both of us getting some relief...her from the pain, me from listening to her in pain....

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Hey, Betty,I just talked to Mom and...dang if she didn't ask .."what size chainsaw?"...who knew? I said''err, how about starting smallish and if that doesn't work then moving up?...(I had no idea they came in sizes)" Well, how big is the the tree you're cutting.?"..??..(My math is limited to balancing a check book and making change)...."oh, I don't know...maybe 6-8 inches?"...She is picking me up for my eye exam on thursday and we'll see what she brings. Exams..Katie brings up that there was a phone call verifying my surgery appointment on thursday... 0.o ...so my brain starts up and like a diesel engine, it's slow at first but after it gets warmed up runs like a champ....and it clicks that all of a sudden I have two appointments on the same day at the same time...what are the odds?...so I have to get busy and call this person in charge of appointments and I ask, " are y'all just going to kill two birds with one stone and have both appointments at the same time and start pulling me apart on the table?"...She laughed and rescheduled the oral surgeon for the 5th. Which, I probably should have checked my calendar, since I have become so busy lately with appointments....from famine to feast.....Katie's on the phone talking to her doctor about her back..about time, I told her to talk to him weeks ago...maybe something will come of it...as in both of us getting some relief...her from the pain, me from listening to her in pain....

somehow ronnie I just can't for the life of me picture you standing in shorts and hicking boots with a chainsaw but if you do PLEASE take a picture and post it, so, we can see you in all of your GLORY!

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

somehow ronnie I just can't for the life of me picture you standing in shorts and hicking boots with a chainsaw but if you do PLEASE take a picture and post it, so, we can see you in all of your GLORY!

Oh, I can picture Ronnie with a chainsaw, and a satisfied look on his face.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Woo whoo Momma with a chainsaw! Beautiful rainy day north of Dallas. Hope your getting some of this.

We had a great big ole limb crash down from our tree in the front yard this morining. Its stuck inside the tree at the moment. It can stay there as long as it likes as far as I'm concerned LOL

What kind of tree is that? I can't tell, but it looks like a tree behind the garage that has been dropping branches on the roof everytime we catch a good breeze and I have no idea what kind of tree it is. The pecan trees will drop a branch just because they feel like it. Too bad I don't have a fire place, I definitely have the wood to last through the winter.

dang it....we missed part 2 of Andromeda Strain...It was raining and thundering = sleepy bye ronnie....I did not wake up until 7pm....took 6pm meds at 7pm...sigh...shit, showered and shaved and dinner was sauteed chicken breast, rice, with Campbell's Select Chicken and egg noodle (I know, not on diet, but I only have one more can left in the cabinet).. with toasted french bread. I talked to Mom earlier today and she stated that she uses the Smart Balance, so I will try to figure it in my budget. Have spent a wonderful post dinner hour dealing with Katie having to go potty and not making it on the toilet before the dam burst...shit everywhere.....and she is vocalizing and wants me to do...and I let her do....if you don't use it,, you're going to lose it...and you should have gone to the toilet earlier, it's not something new, you do it every night around this time, why wait?...as we're throwing yelllow chucks on the floor in front of the toilet and ...etc...etc...and now she is finally in bed and just as the first wave of quiet settled in....it's shattered..'RONNIE....I forgot to turn on my oxygen'....so I shoot back "you're in luck"...'why"...'because there is oxygen in the air all around you, just suck it in"...'haha'...so I'm waiting to hear the "BEEEP", that signals it' ON, and nothing, and so get up and go in there and she is half hanging on the trapeze over her bed, and I'm like,,"I thought the purpose of that trapeze was to make you stronger, upper body workout...etc...etc..."...and BEEEP, I turn on the machine....and chanting my mantra, "you have got to be as independent as possible in case I'm not here some day"...and now I'm checking to see when the next airtime for Andromeda Strain might be showing as I need to know...'what happened?"....

« Last Edit: May 28, 2008, 12:56:40 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

I took my 6am meds. Cookie was here and helping Katie in the shower. I called my caseworker Paula and advised that I had a consult on June 5th with an oral surgeion. I called in a refill for Atenolol. Then I was waking up and it was 6pm. What happened to the rest of the day? the first thing I notice was the bwaa-bwaa of a weedeater , and it was close. ...the Duplex!...I rushed to the window and sure enough there were three hispanics going at it. I was excited (I must have some type of primordial power that causes what I'm thinking to happen) as just yesterday I was thinking "they needed to mow the grass so I wouldn't have to call it in"...and 'poof'..there they are and it's happening. I was also disappointed that Bubba Bear was not one of the three. Took my 6pm meds and pulled on my hiking boots and grabbed the weedeater. I was going around the back just for show and to be nosey rosey and they had done more work in one day than I've accomplished in 2 weeks. They finally stopped and I went around to see how they had done and I saw the reason they had stopped.

The 20 feet of the top of my cottonwood...oopps!, I had wondered where it went. There it was lying in the grass, in all its huge glory, and the hispanic was on the phone and letting 'boss man' know that they had encountered an obstacle. I don't know if they have figured out it's mine and I did not volunteer any information, but I did give a few sympathetic nods in their direction...oh lord...Then I went to the front yard as this was it's day, and after clipping, edging and mowing, it was very humid and my shirt was drenched and hanging on me and my shower did not help much even though I turned the hot water knob way down and had a cool down, I was hot and sweaty for an hour. It was late, 830pm, and I wasn't doing too well, what with sweating and being hot and my back hurting and my leg and foot neuropathying, so I had Katie call in to Pizza Hut as the mail brought a flyer showing they had the PZone Pizza again. Katie has to get up at 6am for a Dr Apt at 8am and Mom will be here to pick me up for eye exam. I had not wanted to bother her thinking that I could drive myself and she stated "not if they dilate your eyes" I seem to remember that I have driven with dilated eyes before, they give you those weird dark glasses which now look like a roll of film...weird...but Mom insisted, then I read on the form, bring someone with you to drive you home, so that made it pretty official.

« Last Edit: May 29, 2008, 01:28:41 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Woke Katie up at 6am. I use the horn that comes on the wheelchair as an alarm....bee.beep beep. and she's like.."already?, I just got to sleep?..and I'm shooting back at her "girl, you've been in here snoring since 11pm. Snoring, used to be literally, now it is figuratively as she took that sleep apnea test and is now on oxygen. But she still breathes heavily, which I can hear in the living room and I know it's been going on all night because I've been up all night...too excited to sleep. It's not everyday Mom takes me to an appointment. While waiting, I decide to see how the Duplex had fared with the 'obstacle' from my tree and ....it was gone. You can say what you want about Mexicans, but they are fast and hard workers. So I had the camera with me as I was going to take a picture of it in the daylight, and I sense something on the ground at my right foot.

It was a TURTLE...

and I think It was laying eggs in the ground as it's butt was kind of down and in the ground and it wasn't trying to get away from me...

So after this excitement, Mom arrives and we head out. I had done Mapquest and printed the directions and we both are looking at it and I wasted my ink as we decided to use another route than the one given I wonder if they ask 'natives' before putting these things up on the web,as we had a 'better idea'

So we get there and the reason we had to look it up is because it is at the Salvation Army Building, which is a real nice red brick new affair. The affair just happens to be in a part of town middle and upper class people don't usually go through, unless lost, whereupon it is done very fast, as this is where the homeless huddle on sidewalks and on street corners with their belongings waiting to get a bed and a meal.

Get in line to register and there is a waiting room with TV showing those TV court shows where these people have issues they want resolved cheaply. I finally get my name called and we are escorted to a partitioned room with three machines lined up on a table and a chair with wheels and.."put your chin here, and forehead here, and let the testing begin"...So after gazing at lights, and a hot air balloon over a dirt road in the middle of a field, and more flashing lights, I get to the eye chart.

This is the one that makes me nervous as I remember looking in one of these the last time I had my drivers license renewed, in 2001. I did not wear glasses and had never thought of myself as having vision problems until that day, when she says "please read line 5"..??..and I'm just standing there and then I say.."have you turned it on yet?..."yes"..."here" and she makes an adjustment and there it is...I swear she just then turned it on, but instead I hear her saying as she is sliding my old license back at me "why don't you come back with glasses?" Well, I wasn't too happy about it, but I wanted to drive, so went and sure enough, I did not just get glasses, but I got TRIFOCALS....boy, did I feel old.

So, then we have to go back to the waiting room as there are a lot of people and this is "these doctors are donating their time for free day" and then I get to see the doctor. She is a small woman, kind of skinny, who talks very slowly, enunciating her words very clearly, using her arms and hands and body as she emotes with the language as she is giving me directions and explaining her every move before doing it..more lights and the "read that line...is this better or worse?...how about now?...how about now?...and then more lights and then she dilates my eyes and my meds are kicking in and I am starting to get groggy as sleepy as the lights had been turned down and I had to shake it off....and it takes 30 minutes for the eyes to dilate, so back to the waiting room and more of Public Court. After sitting, I lean over to Mom and comment on the doctor..."she's a strange one, ain't she?" and Mom says "yes, but she LIKED her"

.. and then back to the doctor and then some really bright intense bars of lights that made me want to close my eyes , and I was getting groggy again, either from stress, meds, having been up all night..I wanted to go to sleep, but resisted, SO I 've got a prescription for new glasses, to be picked up on Tuesday, as that is the day that Lens Crafters donates their free time. I do not have Glaucoma, which had been a concern. The floaters and seeing dark things running out of the corner of my eye are 'somewhat normal", should only worry if they stop floating or running but stand still and do not go away.

Next week is going to be busy as I now have an appointment for labs on Monday, Lens Crafters on Tuesday, and Oral Surgeon Consult on Wednesday.( My dance card should be so full.) So we get back to the house and Katie is back from her appointment to check her heart and Mom is visiting and I am getting lower and lower in the chair....I have wave after wave of sleepiness just overcome me and soon I am not going to resist,...and my head is lolling over and resting on my shoulder and I have slouched enough to have my ass ready to go over the edge of the chair..and Katie is telling Mom that it's my nap time....so Mom leaves and I make a quick lunch...soup and ham/cheese sandwiches and pass out on the couch. ...

..and awoke at 6pm and after taking 6pm meds, I set the Truvada/Virumane bottles next to the phone to remind me to call in for refills tomorrow. Put on my hiking boots and grab the 18" clippers as I have a very large Crepe Myrtle growing in the corner of the front yard and it had new growth trying to grow from the bottom and growing through the fence. Then I went to the back and decided to reduce the number of branches I have now exposed and start the monotonous loading up with as much as I could carry, or drag to the woodpile I had going in 'neighbors' woods.

Mom did not bring a chainsaw today as she found a smallish 'safer' one for a beginner chainsawer and it is electric and needed to know how far the tree was from an outlet. ...clear in the back of the yard..but I have two to three orange extension cords so it should work as the basement has electrical outlets throughout...so after an hour of playing with wood I was good and sweaty and called it a day.

Putting my tools away, I heard a mans voice yelling at kids, it was Bubba Bear, with a woman, holding a baby and a undetermined amount of young-uns, causing my balloons to burst and rain clouds to hover over my parade.

Showered and dinner was sauteed chicken breast and red beans with rice. Then settled in to watch the season finale of LOST, and see the Truvada/Virumane bottles there next to the phone and start anguishing.."did I take them at 6pm?...did I take them and then set them there, or did I set them there knowing that I needed to call them in?." I felt sick worrying about it and then I finally remembered that I had taken them and then put them there...

edited due to getting 'F' and enough RED INK to make paper bleed.. sorrry, Cranky Old Hal...I'll do better...

« Last Edit: May 30, 2008, 11:11:40 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

As a former teacher I'm beggin' you to please use paragraphs. Without them it makes reading your posts such a chore. I can't get through one.

Thanks,Cranky ol' Hal

Cranky Old Hal, ok, editing completed,..just for you..I went and made paragraphs. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

I think it depends on if I'm reaching through the occasional fog after meds, or fighting to stay awake, and losing the battle, but still try to 'get it done' thinking I will edit after completing it, but instead..I hit send/post.

Of course, this leads to when I'm responding and my mind is now traversing the room of lucidity that I find myself saying "..geez, this needs editing....and I catch things as I go along, but apparently there is a time limit on editing as all my posts that are older than 'posted yesterday' no longer have the option to be edited.

thanks,pentitent ronnie

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Cranky Old Hal, ok, editing completed,..just for you..I went and made paragraphs. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

I think it depends on if I'm reaching through the occasional fog after meds, or fighting to stay awake, and losing the battle, but still try to 'get it done' thinking I will edit after completing it, but instead..I hit send/post.

Of course, this leads to when I'm responding and my mind is now traversing the room of lucidity that I find myself saying "..geez, this needs editing....and I catch things as I go along, but apparently there is a time limit on editing as all my posts that are older than 'posted yesterday' no longer have the option to be edited.

thanks,pentitent ronnie

Oh Ronnie.........I wouldn't worry too much about your post being edited, most of us here can relate, I'm not that critical and I NEVER WON a spelling bee......LOL....... I just go with flow thanks for sharing your LIFE with us, at least you have the BALLS to post it, most others Don't

« Last Edit: May 30, 2008, 11:39:17 AM by denb45 »

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

I missed all but the last 15 minutes of Lost last night. I could just kick myself. I did however have a nice birthday dinner at some Italian restaurant I cant seem to remember the name of. And the anxiety attack that comes when I get the menu at a place where I am unfamiliar with the food wasn't too bad.

As a bonus during the middle of my meal I had the opportunity to make faces in the background of someones pictures. The family in the table next to us where taking photos of each other. As soon as they noticed I was smiling and making stupid faces in the background of their photos they promptly put the camera away and tried to ignore the crazy lady.

I missed all but the last 15 minutes of Lost last night. I could just kick myself. I did however have a nice birthday dinner at some Italian restaurant I cant seem to remember the name of. And the anxiety attack that comes when I get the menu at a place where I am unfamiliar with the food wasn't too bad.

As a bonus during the middle of my meal I had the opportunity to make faces in the background of someones pictures. The family in the table next to us where taking photos of each other. As soon as they noticed I was smiling and making stupid faces in the background of their photos they promptly put the camera away and tried to ignore the crazy lady.

Well Winiro HAPPY BIRTHDAY belated that is..............I must say, you don't look a day over 25 my dear

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

I missed all but the last 15 minutes of Lost last night. I could just kick myself. I did however have a nice birthday dinner at some Italian restaurant I cant seem to remember the name of. And the anxiety attack that comes when I get the menu at a place where I am unfamiliar with the food wasn't too bad.

As a bonus during the middle of my meal I had the opportunity to make faces in the background of someones pictures. The family in the table next to us where taking photos of each other. As soon as they noticed I was smiling and making stupid faces in the background of their photos they promptly put the camera away and tried to ignore the crazy lady.

Well that doesn't make sense. Don't they know they could send those photos in to Americas Funniest and you could probably have made them some money?

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Well, today is Friday. I know it is because it says so on my computer's Day/Time. Otherwise I am totally clueless as I remember taking my 6am meds and I made lunch, fish sticks and tater tots...(cleaning out the freezer) and then I woke up at 6pm.

Took my 6pm meds and then perused my arsenal of tools and chose the 'hoe' to chop up these dead vines that are 'holding' these dead branches to the ground. There must be a thousand of them all over the ground. Got out the lawn mower and ran over the dead stalks until the mower ran out of gas. As I was getting the hoe I kept hearing a bzztt...bzzztt ??

Looking around I saw a spark in the top of one of neighbors trees in the woods on the fence line. zztt...spark...and I immediately thought "well, this can't be good"...So I go inside and have Katie call the Electric Company. Katie is good at these things as I cannot stand being on hold, for more that 1 minute before hanging up. Katie will sit there for 20 or minutes...and did....and then gets through and explains the situation and the lady says that they are swamped...it's 7pm Friday Night, so yeah, they probably are.....NOT....and there will be serviceman there between now and 10pm...

I shower and make dinner..sauteed chicken breast, rice and great white northern beans, and boy were they dry without my usual dollop of extra butter ....triglycerides...

Serviceman shows at 8pm, just as I'm sitting down to eat, and I take him around back and it's getting dark and I point to the top of a tree against a dark blue evening sky and these sparks are everywhere....Fire Flies..they seem to be everywhere this year....and I'm thinking that he's thinking that I must have thought that the fire flies were the sparks when a breeze moves the top of the tree and zzttt...spark...

So, I got his attention, and he notices that there are vines growing on the lines and they will send a cutting crew out on Monday/Tuesday to cut them back 10 feet.

Come back in and eat my dinner and am going to force myself to sleep at midnight, by laying down. Going to sleep is not the problem/ How long I stay asleep, is the question, but I'm going to try.

« Last Edit: May 31, 2008, 12:49:16 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Ugh, electrical problems. I remember about 20 years ago where I lived we had a terrible electric storm. Me and my friends were all roaring drunk. Across the street, some lines came down and started a small fire. Of course I called the fire department (who got ahold of the electric company), but my friends and I all sat out on my porch watching it in amazement (which probably wouldn't have happened if we weren't smashed).

I don't like holding on the phone either. I hope you got some sleep last night.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

At midnight, I stopped everything and told myself to go lay down. Which, when I become horizontal, I always nod out. I awoke at 4am, and after a trip to 'el bano' (Spanish, for bathroom), forced myself to lie down again. This time, I just lay there, looking at the back of my eye lids for about 30 minutes and then awoke at 7am...dang it...took 6am meds at 7am and Cookie got here at 730.

She is also a bus driver and even though school is out for the summer there is still summer school and excursions and she did not make it on Friday, so she came today. She is really a good person and takes real good care of Katie and every now and then she will shoot the vacuum into my bedroom for a quickie, or mop my bathroom floor...it always gives me goose bumps when she does that as I'm not used to it. I'm used to having to do everything myself.

When finally getting through to the electric company, I was struck by how blase they were being about it, even made the statement that "if it creates a fire before we get there, call the fire department.o.o ...I wanted to say, "why don't we just go ahead and call the fire department and then have them call you?"

« Last Edit: May 31, 2008, 09:56:23 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Cookie left at 930 I called in my refills and then grabbed the grocery list and headed for Walmart. I'm walking in from the parking lot, actually more like stumping, hobbling, limping as If I try to walk normally, with a seductive swish and sway, I get a sharp stab in my left lower back, which is it's way of saying..stop that"...

Make it through the first three aisles before my back really starts to scream and my legs get real heavy and aching. I'm so glad I have my list so I can go down only necessary aisles and get out of there. They have a table set up outside offering a family dental plan for $19.95 and I can honestly tell them I'm not interested as 'I'm already covered"

Unload the groceries and hit the couch. Awake at 6pm and take 6pm meds. I take the long handled pruning shears as I am working on the crepe myrtle, a little at a time. It has grown, untended for the past ten years and is almost as tall as the neighbors oak tree. I want to bring it back to earth like I see around all these new buildings who has cut them low so they bush at the top and have a better show when they bloom. They also have a beautiful polished finish on the branches and they have a type of cork screw look...I'm thinking my floor vase needs a new arrangement.

Then I take the hoe and continue working on these large branches that have now been on the ground so long they have started to decay and hitting them with the hoe, they crumble into a pile of .dirt...and in their death, they are full of life. there are ants (probably termites) worms, snails, and they are busy as I have dug the hoe in and pulled back, exposing the middle of the branch and their secret cities......Barney Bug rushes home to Betty bug shouting as he enters their living quarters..."honey, grab the kids, ...we're moving"...

I got a good 30 minutes in and was sweating, so came in and showered and by now it' 830pm and I don't feel like cooking as my back already hurts and cooking just makes it hurt more, so I make a management decision..Whataburger..

And they are showing a repeat of Andromeda Strain, so now I know what happened.

« Last Edit: June 01, 2008, 01:01:49 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Ronnie, I suggest when you go to these stores, you might want to go around in them in one of those little electric wheelchair things (do you know what I'm talking about). I used to use them all the time. In fact, my ex-partner and I used to both get in one, and race each other up and down the aisles.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Ronnie, I suggest when you go to these stores, you might want to go around in them in one of those little electric wheelchair things (do you know what I'm talking about). I used to use them all the time. In fact, my ex-partner and I used to both get in one, and race each other up and down the aisles.

LOL Yes, I know of them...Mom has brought it up too. The only thing is there is never one available. I see them in the aisles, filled with children, or teens taking a joyride, or BLOCKING the aisle, or abandoned because they stopped working..usually in use for anything or everything but what they were intended for and then, part of my 'cardio' is walking and going through Walmart is a part of my exercise regime.

Can hardly wait for my Dr appointment on Monday. I've got a list: #1 At the top is this sleeping thing. I tried to lay down last night at midnight and it did no good. I was awake again after 3 hours and could not go back to sleep until 730 am. Whereupon, I awoke again at 9am. ..nuts..

#2 I appear to have turned into a '3 hour dog.'..When I leave the house for shopping, or for an appointment,even doing the yard work, I'll be doing fine, and then when that 3 hour mark hits, I am suddenly just ...tired..and want to go to sleep...and all my body aches seem to wake up...when I do get home, I'm no good for nothing until I've laid down for a nap, which turns into a Rip Van Winkle story...weird..

#3 And this swallowing my food and it getting stuck, and it feels like I'm swallowing scalding hot coffee and it hits my stomach and ...I almost double up from the pain. It only does this on like the first two bites, and then it subsides..I almost have reached the point where I don't want to take that first bite anymore..and I've learned to sit up straight as an arrow and lift my chin to get it unstuck. It's become a CHORE and a tiny nightmare just to eat....weird

#4 My feet are really acting up lately. They are cramping and then when I stand up they..pop, pop, as though they have bunched up and the bones are spreading out...and my ankle has a burning itch ...weird...

#5 Eventually, they are going to have to give me an MRI on my back, as I complain about every time they see me...maybe it's on a list or on a back burner like when I kept complaining about my bleary vision and then out of the blue I have an eye exam....

#6 My cheeks are getting a sunken look to me...HIV or Old Age? and what can I do about it. Of course, I look just fine to my family. but I see it, especially in pictures, which I might post one if I can just get my hair to do right..

On the lighter side..little head is having no problems....I've been having some good times with Mr Hand...

According to the bathroom scales, I've lost 5 lbs..that's good, I guess, but after what I been through, all I can say is "Is that ALL?...maybe they're broke... ...let me take off these reading glasses and peel off my 'panties' and see if it will make a difference..

« Last Edit: June 01, 2008, 12:03:46 PM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

BettyThats been my approach as well. It does only, however, delay the inevitable bad news so maybe I should just stop going to my doctor. I know what she is going to say: Joel, you have to loose weight". Then she will lecture me about diabetes and old age and being overweight. She scared me into quitting smoking with the trick breatholizer test....wherein I failed. And she then told me "YOU have early stage emphasema" and then followed the lecture:" Do you want to retire and be one of those old people who have to carry around an oxygen tank?" True story: one of our long time residents of Northern Liberties ( my neighborhood) is on hospice care right now with emphasema and she is in hospital. She called a friend of mine to come get her cause she needs to get out. She NEEDS a cigarette. And the poor dear soul enjoyed smoking so much. She and I used to light up together.

#1/#4 After discussing with her my sleeping habits, or the lack thereof, she wrote me a prescription for Trazodone/50mg/as needed. The reason for as needed is because she is upping my dose of Gabapentin from 300mgs/once a day to 600 mgs/ once a day and this is going to make me sleepy so that I may not need the Trazodone to sleep. We'll see. I have never taken a sleeping pill in my life and was very leery at the thought of it. The increased Gabapentin should help with the cramping I have been experiencing in my feet.

#2 Fatigue should be helped by getting a regular nights sleep, but she confessed that the blood pressure medicine does have a side effect of making one feel tired. My blood pressure was 142/87. For which I am taking Atenolol/50mg/twice a day.

#3 Swallowing difficulties and burning stomach. After we discussed how this was a recent onset, having started within the last 2 weeks and getting worse, she finally noted that I have been taking the antibiotic Clindamycin/300mgs/3x since 21april08. When I mentioned that I usually felt a slight burning in stomach after taking the afternoon pill, she pulled out her Blackberry and pulled up that this is a strong antibiotic and I should not have been on it this long, It has side effects of esophagitis, it has irritated/inflamed my esophagus and stomach.

The reason for taking it was for the oral surgery, which I have had to jump through hoops for the past month just to get the consult for Oral Surgery this Wednesday. Then there's the actual Surgery and I can stop taking it. So we've compromised to a decrease in dosage to 300mgs/twice a day and she wrote a prescription for Ranitidine(Zantac)/150mg/twice a day for my poor throat and tummy.

#5 My back pain..is on a back burner. She has written it down in my chart and it's on hold until we get this oral business out of the way. She was going to write me a prescription for a pain killer, which I refused as I have been dealing with it. If I can't deal with it, then maybe, but having been a drug addict, and knowing my addictive personality, I was not ready to go down that road at this time.

#6 Facial Wasting...she mentioned that I have been losing weight. When I was weighed, it was 250lbs. Down from 258. So I have lost 8lbs. Something else to be written down and put on back burner for a later date.

I remembered this time to get my lab results:

March07 April07CD4 330 23% CD4 427 25%VL 452,000 VL 383,000

PN/INR 4.0should be 2.0-3.0 so increased Warfarin from 7mgs to 8mgs

Boy, I still got a ways to go.

« Last Edit: June 03, 2008, 07:15:16 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Ronnie, you may have a ways to go, but just prioritize and take things in their importance. You know what I'm talking about. Good luck with the new meds. Trazadone is a good med for sleep, and not addicting. Actually, it's an antidepressant called Deseryl that has good sleep properties. I hope the increase in Gabapentin works for you. I'm on 2400 mgs a day and it does fine for me.

Good luck with everything! Luv,Betty

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hang in there Ronnie , you have already come a long way . I have been taking trazodone for years for sleep and it works for me . I was also dealing with a long battle with depression that abruptly stopped shortly after starting trazodone .

I was a little disappointed at the results and having two more pills added to my regime, but have resigned myself that It's not going to be like a fast, Two-Step on the dance floor, but more of the 'Bunny Hop'

At least I got a 2% raise, which translated to a workplace setting is about par for the course.

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Ron.....it all sounds good. I think finding out that the antibiotic is causing the burning is a good thing! I am wondering if you have tried sleeping in your own bed yet? The weight loss sounds fine.Joel

Did I ever mention that I collect dragons and Harry Potter? My Little sister, the artist, drew the picture on the wall for me when she was 14. She had no idea what a dragon was and after I described it to her and she drew it..I wonder if I knew what one was also

This is my drug...err..nurses..station...err my dresser. The right cabinet door has a lineup and when I get the left cleaned out, the rest will line up and then out of sight until needed...I also collect gnomes, who reside on top of my dresser keeping a watch over me... The books are my Harry Potter collection and Terry Pratchett....the rest of my books were sold to Half Price Books...19 crates, a survival moment for money...

This is where Darcell laid and also behind the headboard, there is a floor vent she would lay on when she had hot flashes..the bed is about 3 feet out making a little walkway ....

One of my many views . See the deck? If only it could be extended to the corner of the house and those windows turned into French Doors I could sit out there pretending I'm in New Orleans sipping Coffee Royale....waiting for George of the Jungle , Brendan Frasier

But, this is where I park it, when the urge hits, with my legs elevated, the TV and the computer all within view and easy access.

« Last Edit: June 03, 2008, 11:03:36 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Today, I was to go to LensCrafters and get my new BiFocal Glasses. Their free services were from 12-2. I called to see if they were actually IN the mall or in the strip mall that surrounded the mall, and they were IN the mall...dang it. I haven't been inside a mall for years. So I leave a little early, which was a good thing as they have decided to widen the road due to the construction of a new Super Target and everyone had to merge to one lane, and that was to the right lane, but these idiots who have to be somewhere, yesterday, kept driving right up to the barricades and jamming the traffic. ,

so instead of being early, I was just on time. This lady took my RX from me and pulled out a tray of frames....oh agony , a-go-nee, ...I don't like wearing glasses anyway and think that none of them look good, so I go through the whole tray and finally have to pick the most acceptable ones, and wouldn't you know? The ones I selected, they didn't have in stock, and they have to be ordered, and they will call in about five days.

So, I'm at the mall, and decide to see what's new and get some 'cardio' in...this is not from my own inspiration but from watching several, older gents, just hooking it, all up one side and down the other side..they must have REALLY got a bad report from the doctor.

So I'm walking to the best of my ability as my hips start to ache and my legs start to get heavy and I smell food, and remember that there is a food court somewhere and decide to find it and bring home lunch. Ridgmar Mall is not a small affair, and I keep walking, past 'Needless Markups' errr Neiman Marcus and there is a lovely fountain with five gigantic turtles surrounding a pond and spewing water from their mouths and then there is an indoor playground with kids playing, and there are these 'seating stations' with these bucket seats that advertise they vibrate and massage, I did not sit in them as they were not free.

..and then I start seeing all these booths in the middle of the aisle and one of them has a cute teenager who suddenly comes and gets me and coerces me back to his booth. He has a very heavy accent and speaks very rapidly and I see that he is selling Dead Sea Mineral salts and stuff, and he takes my left hand and asks me to pick a finger. Curious, I pick my index finger and he points out that my cuticles are in poor condition and to just look at those ridges on my finger nails.. 0.0 .

.. .then he takes a block file and starts filing and has dipped in something and is just chatting away, and then he stops and says, 'now when I show you this, you must promise not to kiss me?"..o.0 ....and I'm like..:"huh?...and he repeats,,emphatically that I must promise not to kiss him...>.> ...<.< ...so I 'm confused, and assure him that, he has nothing to worry about..and he removes the block file and shows my fingernail is all nice and shiny....and he's excited about it, and pulls out this Kit, that he's selling for $60.00 and I can do ALL of my nails....I tell him that I don't like my fingernail being all shiny..he gets confused, and I again say, 'I don't like it'...

...so he asks me my name and I tell him "ronnie". and ask his and he give me name as "ah-maz-in doo-dee", is what I heard, and I'm like "huh?" .. and he repeats it and I interpret it as "a-maz-ing dude?"..and he smiles and I smile and he takes me to another side of the booth where he has a bowl and he takes a spoonful of green oily sand, and takes my right hand and points out my rough and dry skin... 0.0 ...which amazes me as this is Mr Hand who moisturizes himself daily for the love of his life Little Head...

He has me rub my hands together......so I say, "gee I feel like I'm at the beach" and he has this spray bottle, which I guess is rinsing this sandy mixture off my hands...and they do feel all nice and smooth and even have a perfumed smell..and as he's reaching for the box to sell this goody, I promptly say, "I don't like it"...and he says "huh?"...and I say "I don't like it, I don't like my hands to smell like perfume.."...

So he says "so you're not interested even if I give you a special promotion of half off?...and I say, "I wouldn't be interested even if they fell off the back of the truck"...

So, I'm continuing with my 'cardio' and going up the escalator, I see these things that look like stationary bikes only they have these rings in front of them and you bend over and put your face in the hole and they are to give you a massage?..sitting up?...and I'm giving them a wide berth, as It's not free and no I'm not interested in half off and I find the food court and buy two chicken quesadillas.

I'm now heading for the end of the mall I came in and I'm on the upper level and...there's another Dead Sea Mineral salt and stuff and another cute teenager, only this one is much cuter and I almost get ready to get another shiny finger nail, when I notice he is more interested in eating his lunch..

Get home and we eat and I am going through my life in a bag looking for the name of this lady with Financing at the hospital who might be able to help remove this debt. I am already at peace that I am not going to pay it, but if there is a clerical error on their part that can be corrected, ..why not?

I call and immediately hit a wall of gatekeepers and finally I decide to stir things up, so I take out my stick and knock it upside the beehive by saying.."I've already been reclassified, and in the process was told that there had been an error in calculating my income, they had added some things twice and had given me credit for all money turned into the company when I just get a percentage.....

.....immediately, I know that I have hit a nerve..."who told you that?"..."I don't have a name, but would like to talk to Carolyn"...so I get transferred to her desk, which I get a recording, left my name and number and the nature of my business and then went to sleep.

Awoke at 6pm and took my 6pm meds and as I had already had cardio at the mall earlier, went ahead and showered, and cooked dinner, sauteed chicken breasts, rice, pinto beans with jalapenos and fresh strawberries dipped in strawberry yogurt.

Tomorrow is my consult with the Oral Surgeon....which I fear most of all. Heretofore, everything has been outside invasion. My mouth is internal invasion with the purpose of the removal of a part of me.

« Last Edit: June 04, 2008, 06:16:52 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Ronnie, I'm keeping my fingers and legs crossed for you today, and thinking of you. Don't think the worst (hard to do, I know, because I always do).

Thanks Betty...but...

I got all dressed up, had my life in a bag all in order and made an extra trip to the bathroom to be extra sure...Woke up Katie to tell her I was leaving and her voice comes wafting from the darkness of her bedroom and stops me dead in my tracks:

Today is Wednesday. You're appointment is on Thursday. So I start tearing through paperwork and then pull up my calendar on my trusty computer and it confirms that she is right.

So there I was, all dressed up, no place to go, and feeling very foolish:

I guess I'll lay down, elevate this bum leg, and see what's on TV before I drift off to LALA Land...

edited to add:..good grief, instead of getting to have a lie down, I noticed those cobwebs in the corner of the ceiling and much to the chagrin of Morticia Addams I had to get my big purple fluffy duster with the extended handle and spent a good ten minutes going around the edges of the entire house. didn't break a sweat, but Im adding that to my daily cardio journal..

« Last Edit: June 04, 2008, 10:09:57 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Today, is the day for the consult with the Oral surgeon. I worked myself up in to such a tizzy that I could not sleep. I finally had a lie down around 4am and was up at 6am taking my meds. The appointment was for 9am and I intended to leave early as their parking garage gets full early and parking can be a hassle after that.

I got to chat with a lovely elderly couple in the waiting room and when they called my name I almost played amnesia as though I didn't know who that was, but BRAVELY got up and answered the call. Sat in the chair and then all these Doctors started wandering in and out, each asking why I was there and "open your mouth" while putting on these blue gloves from a never-ending box on the wall as every time someone entered the room, they were putting on a pair of these blue gloves.

Then I got an XRAY done and got to sit there looking at it on the wall on its lighted panel as the parade of doctors came in again and studied it and then this young man comes in and explains to me that the back molar was suffering from periodontal "something" and that since the molar was loose that food and bacteria had entered the root and it got infected and started eating the bone away.

This could have been avoided if I had been a "good boy" and gone to the dentist in the recommended two year intervals instead of waiting 7 years, but, here we were in the present, and now I had what they loosely termed a "bad tooth". Then this young man states that if I wanted, he could have it out in 5 seconds.

So, my mind is racing and my heart is beating and I'm like "you mean TODAY, RIGHT NOW?"....and he says "yes". "And you do know that I am on warfarin?" "yes, but the tooth is loose and only barely connected to any bone and should have no problem just pulling it out with minimal resistance, and minimal bleeding."

So I'm sitting there and my mind is racing, and I'm thinking of how Long it took me to get here, and of copays and it's got to come out sooner or later and being infected it might as well be sooner than later and I ask "will this change the shape of my face? and he smiles and says "no" and "I will be able to drive myself home?" "yes" and so I agree and tell him to do it.

So he starts to numb my gums and I' shaking all over in pure FEAR and I say "can't you just knock me out?" and he smiles and says that it won't be necessary, and continues to numb the area. Then he takes these two 'tools' and starts to pull and "OUCH"

"Does that hurt?" "YES" "hmmm, you shouldn't be feeling anything", so he reshoots my gums and asks if the front of my lip is numb yet. "nope" ...so he reshoots my gum and "now?" and "nope" and "dang, you're hard to numb". and re-reshoots and finally he decides to try again and pulls and "OUCH", so he waits a bit and I can feel that the tooth is coming out and I say "just do it, just like a sticker, keep puling till it's out and get it over with"...so he does and it comes out.

And I am in shock, and just sitting there and trembling and he is not happy as he expected to see a blob of granulated tissue stuck to the root and there wasn't any. So he gets some of the other doctors who all come in and look at the tooth and the XRAY and they confer and the 'leader' states that I should come back in one month and if there is still a dark spot in the XRAY then they will do a biopsy.

I'm thinking that there is now a gaping hole in my jaw and now would be a wonderful opportunity for a biopsy, but apparently not having had 8-12 years of medical school my opinion don't count

Then I get a rolled up gauze sponge to bite down on for 1 hour and then given a box of them, just in case, and he writes me a prescription for pain, which this time I do not refuse as I am remembering what I have just been through and he says I can go. And I thank him and then I say."hey doc?" and he's "what?" and I say "the front of my lip is numb now" as is the whole left side of my face!

I 'm like, "that's it?"a and he say "that's it" So I get up and collect my things and go down to the pharmacy and get my pain pills and getting in my truck I look in the mirror and see this huge lump in my cheek and then I remember I have a gauze sponge in my mouth and I don't open my mouth to look as I'm not ready to look yet.

I'm really hungry now and thirsty and I force myself to drive by Jack in the Box, and Wendy's, and Whataburger, and Sonic, and Griff's, and KFC, and Grandy's, and I'm in a sweat now, because I am hungry and need a huge reward, but I am going to hold out until I get home. Stop and buy gas at Shell, and it's $3.89gal. I spend $54.00 which is $3.00 more than my last fill up. I did get a surprise when the bill came in as I got a rebate of $20.00 last time making my fill up $30.00 instead of $50.00 and am hoping for the same this time.

Get home and make turkey sandwiches and call Mom and give her the results of my 'Consult" turned "Surgery" and then lie down and don't wake up until 6pm in time for 6pm meds. Decide to go to Griff's and have burgers for dinner (red meat to help replace my lost blood )

Now, the numbness has worn off somewhat,and I am surprised that I don't feel any more pain then I do. It is tolerable but I go ahead and check the pain killers and see that they are Hydrocodone/APAP and have a small moment as I've known people who have gone crazier than a spotted ass monkey on this shit and would probably be beating my door down if they knew I had it. Well, I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it if the pain becomes any worse as the numbness wears off.

And then I slap my forehead as I realize that I don't have my tooth to put under my pillow. Will the Tooth Fairy pass me by? I am upset at this loss of income.

« Last Edit: June 06, 2008, 08:48:59 AM by rondrond »

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

Get home and make turkey sandwiches and call Mom and give her the results of my 'Consult" turned "Surgery" and then lie down and don't wake up until 6pm in time for 6pm meds. Decide to go to Griff's and have burgers for dinner (red meat to help replace my lost blood )...............................RonI thought it was supposed to be soup after that kind of surgery. How are you doing now?