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First lets start with the obvious answer I will probably get, I am not gay, I love a fantasize about women a lot, now back to the story. I am going to be 31 in a few weeks and I have never even kissed a girl let alone anything else, my story is one of self sabotage mostly. when I was about 8 or 9 my parents moved my family from a suburban area to out in the middle of no where, the only kids just so happened to be boys and I dont have a sister so I pretty much didnt grow up around any girls. I am also a later bloomer as it were, I probably didnt hit puberty until I was well into my sixteenth year which meant I was really short and had child like features for a long time(I still can pass for a 18 year old if I shave my beard off) but I did hit a growth spurt after hight school and shot up to 6' which is what I currently am. I also had the social skills to match, so all of this combined equaled me not dating in high school at all(I did go to senior prom with a friend). College is a little different, at the age of 21 I feel in love with a friend of mine but being really in experienced and shy and my social anxiety all equaled me not ever asking her out which to this day is my biggest regret. Because I was in love with her for most of my early to bid 20's I never even thought of dating anyone and by the time I got over her I was 26 and completely ill equipped to date at all. I know nothing on how to talk to women and move beyond the mild flirting stage. I have many times thought that I should just "hook up" with someone(either that I just randomly meet or a craigslist thing) so I could get it over with and get the anxiety over with so I can move on. I dunno, just my confession.

You really just have to start putting yourself out there and meet new people. Focus less on finding a woman and more on simply meeting new people. Go to a Reddit meet-up, take a new class, hit up bars with single friends. Make eye contact, smile a lot, and just try to seem open and friendly.

Honestly, if you have some money, go for a good escort. Explain that you are a newbie and ask her to show you the ropes. Ask her to explain what feels good , what not to do, etc. She is, after all, a pro.

Problem is, if getting yourself out of your comfort zone involves sweating like a river, shaky hands and inability to speak, trying to go for a full social life right away probably isn't going to do you much good.

Take small steps like one night instead of doing your usual stuff go out to a new bar or pub and order a drink you haven't tried then maybe once you are comfortable with this maybe strike a conversation with the bartender or a regular you see there and then once you are cool with that maybe start talking to women. Its all about then small steps that overall make up to a big step. Hope I helped

Nobody is born being smooth in social situations. It's a skill you learn, like playing guitar. When I first started playing guitar, I fucked up all the time. I had to practice, and mess up, and practice, and mess up, again and again.

I think people see social skills as either something you have or you don't. That's like thinking that if you pick up a guitar, and aren't playing like Hendrix on day one, clearly you suck at guitar and should never humiliate yourself again by trying to play an instrument.

There are books about how to improve your social skills! How to Win Friends and Influence People. The Psychology of Achievement. Read them, and PRACTICE. Talk to cashiers, talk to waitresses, talk to people in line at the grocery store. You will fuck up, you'll say embarrassing things, you'll put your foot in your mouth and cringe, you'll experience rejection. That's cause you're not Hendrix yet. you need to practice!

One thing that helped me was to create an alter-ego for myself, and pretend to be that person. My alter-ego was confident and secure, and knew that if I said something embarrassing or awkward, well that's just life, everyone embarasses themselves sometimes, and we get over it and move on. (This is the "fake it till you make it" thing.) :)

One of my dearest friends sounds quite a bit like you... he didn't lose his virginity until he was 31. I finally convinced him to just GET OUT OF THE HOUSE so he hit up craigslist and had many awkward dates and then one that led to sex. It was a one night stand but just getting out there was huge for him. Now (at 37) he's been dating a girl for close to a year and he seems pretty happy.

Don't stress too much about wanting to get physical, either. Girls can smell that and it freaks them out.

Don't put women or pussy on a pedestal, they are human just like you and if you like them and talk to them eventually you'll find one that likes you back, they're also very accepting in my experience and while I'm sure not all women would be comfortable sleeping with a 31 year old virgin, most probably would be (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about this ladies) in addition you probably wouldn't be very compatible with a woman if that were something that bothered her. Best of luck out there man.

Why not just do the 40 year old virgin thing? Date a girl for a while and just hold off on the sex and focus on getting to know each other and having a relationship. When it gets to the point where she's practically begging for the D, let her know you're a virgin.

Fuck that fear. just let her do the work, just imitate what she's doing. Thinking too much about it suck.

Here's my adivce. FUCK THAT FEAR!!!!!!! When you go out with new people and feel anxious just think about fucking that fear, also try to calm yourself, no one will hurt you.

Being sociable is all about not giving a fuck about refusals and/or mistakes you make. Watch sociable and outgoing guys, you see how sometimes they fuck some shit up ( they say a stupid joke that no one laughs or other thing ) and they do not give a fuck.

There is no shyness, there is no such thing as awkward. IT IS AWKWARD IF YOU MAKE IT AWKWARD.

It wouldn't hurt to start talking to women right here on reddit. Subreddits like /r/askwomen and /r/twoxchromosomes will give you perspective on what kinds of things matter to their lives. Interacting there will take some of the mystery and fear out of interacting with women in general.

Someone here mentioned being the man you want to be. They're absolutely right. Even if you don't feel confident, pretend. Fake it. Fake it until you make it a part of yourself. Research has shown that smiling will brighten your spirits, even if you're sad. Mimicking behaviors you want to take on will make them easier to assimilate in the future.

Also a word of advice. When debating on talking to a Girl just go for it This is my reasoning. You have two options you either talk to her or you dont. If you talk to her YES she can shoot you down, BUT when it is all over you will be right back where you started NO HARM done. In fact you have more information then you did before talking to her. You can now move on to a different lady/group of people. Good Luck! PS stay away from CL

op,, fuzzy-pants gave you some good advice. and i really, really urge you not to go the CL route as well. seriously. and whatever you do, be careful. you don't want to catch anything the first friggin' time. :)

Here's what ya do: get a haircut, dress up, wear cologne, workout, and start talking to people. Confidence is key! And you feel more confident when you look and smell your best. Then when you strike up a conversation with a female, DO NOT compliment her. Ask for her opinion on a subject, make it flow natural. Then introduce yourself and ask about her. Let the conversation flow and finally, ask if she wants to hang out. Make female friends first, girlfriends come second. Good luck to you sir

When going to talk to a girl think about the 10 rule. You go for possible factors of 10 minutes, 10 days and 10 months. So if you ever think about talking to a girl just think in 10 mins of talking to her you are either gonna hit it off or have an awkward moment. 10 days later you are either gonna have a number and been on a date, or you will likely forgot the fact you had an awkward convo. 10 months you could have a gf or you will certainly forgot about a awkward conversation you had. When you think this way really what do you have to lose? You will likely be rejected a few times but again think its just an awkward moment and it passes and it's going to be worth the risk.

Get a hobby that boosts your self confidence. Shoot some guns or build cabinets out of wood. Create something! Get some pride! Go outside more. Also eat well, that makes you feel good about yourself. The rest will fall in place.

Mate - stop thinking about it and not pursuing it despite every urge; which is the obvious 'self sabotage' - just do it - you don't need anyone's permission. You like her? Go get! You'd be surprised, as long as you genuinely like her and aren't just fishing, she'll get it. Don't stalk, obsess, or claim you 'love them' and all should be good.

Look to the future and forget the past. Don't let the past dictate your future experiences. Your experience is WAY more common than you know, only people don't bring it up. Don't do a craigslist thing but maybe an online dating site could help you find people with the same interests.

Ya man its not that big of a deal just relax, laugh at their jokes, make some jokes of your own, complement them, and present yourself as a good man. Its not as hard as you think it is women want men to treat them as a good man wants women to treat them, respectably.

Biggest thing to understand; fuck everything about everything. The only thing that counts is you. Do want you want be what you want. You are only ever limited in life by the limits you put on yourself. If you choose to keep the road you have trek that is what you have. Social skills come with practice. So practice. So what you just lost that girl. There is another one. You just have to do it. And a lot. You don't get comfortable with something if you never do it.

I agree to shave yourself clean to look younger and go for younger girls. I very highly recommend going to Amsterdam though. You have to stay at a hostel, preferably one that is accessible 24 hours and that has booze available on premises. Then hit the town. It's got something for every flavor an vice. Sex shows to coffeehouses. If you don't get laid you can still go home knowing that you've seen some shit. If you take some Molly in Amsterdam and find yourself in the club or even the bar at your hostel with the Canadian twin blondes you'll probably cream in your pants.

There are HUGE amounts of douches in places like that, but also some that just see it as a game and want to have fun without having any disregard for women. You've just got to learn what to read and how to read it.

As a person who likes "red headed males" you owe it to society to get past this. Have you considered some counseling just to learn the best way to ooze you into it a bit? My fear for you would be that if you just jump in and it doesn't go well you may never get past that hurt and that would be a shame. Have a hug though.

Thanks for liking "red headed males" we dont get a lot of love haha, I have considered counseling but I am not in a place financially at the moment to do so, that's part of the reason I moved so that I can find a better paying job

I'm a redhead too so I understand the need for a bit more love-although Reddit does well by redheaded women at least. Maybe call around and see if anyone does anything for really low cost or free counseling...even then use your own common sense but I don't want you to go under that rock for the rest of your life. You deserve to have a go at life.

Just wanted to say good luck and I agree with those that say get out there, talk to people and just get a feel for interacting. There's something awesome about a guy who can just be himself. There's a lot of bitches out there, I'm sure...don't get discouraged.

It's only a big deal until it happens. In any case a lot of girls like a 'blank slate'.

Confidence is attractive but it only comes with experience. Experience only comes with a willingness to take risks. Risks as in not staying within your comfort zone. Even if you have an awkward experience, you still got laid. Some of the best advice I ever got was reading a song title by a maligned 90s rock band from the UK, the Little Angels - they sang "Don't confuse sex with love". Top, top advice... but of course sometimes both happen.

Once you 'get there' remember very few of us have awesome first experiences. But no-one is awesome at playing the piano or riding a bike the first few times, either.

Whatever advice you take, whatever course you follow, resolve to enjoy the experience, to have fun and not over-think or take it too seriously. You have nothing to lose but your cherry.

There are women out there who are also shy and aren't sure of how to approach the opposite sex. So don't be too hard on yourself. Just go out and live your life and if someone comes along in the process, make sure to speak up. Feign confidence, as that brings with it actual confidence.

So what you just got to do is... just get you a bunch of these hood rats.. run through them, just knock them out. Boom, boom, boom. And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats... now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho. You know what I mean?

I'm kidding. Dude, I don't know how else to say this, but you should have sex asap. It would really be great if you could muster the courage to pursue a sexual relationship with a woman you'd admire, but if you think that's not possible... one step at a time. Just have sex in some (safe) ways. Give yourself a month, or so, to go about this ideally, and if you don't get there, do not fret.. Just hire a professional, or do whatever you've gotta do. You've manufactured a barrier for yourself, which I know all about.. and you really will be happy that you get beyond it, regardless of how you have to go about it (as long as you don't hurt anyone else in the process).

I'm going to say something that will probably get hated quite a bit, but oh well. What you learned in 8th grade health class combined with what you learn in porn (minus the obvious slapping the clit routine) is sufficient to start having sex. After that, it's a matter of what each specific woman likes anyways. Not every woman likes being touched in the same way. But there's seriously no reason to put pressure on yourself. When I lost my virginity, the girl didn't even know I was a virgin. Just be a giver. You can do this. Being drunk doesn't hurt because then you can last longer.

I just want you to know you're not alone! I know a number of female friends who only dated/kissed guys in high school, but now they're in their 30s and feel like they are inexperienced and don't know how to go about meeting guys. That information probably isn't all that helpful to you, but I wanted you to know that you aren't like the only inexperienced person in a sea of people which long histories of sex and relationships. There are so, so many people who aren't experienced. I would advise you to consider setting up an online profile on a dating site somewhere. My husband's good friend did that a few years ago when he was about 33, I think. He was also a virgin. He met a few girls online and went on a couple dates that went nowhere. Then he met a really cool girl. They hit it off immediately and had sex on like their second date. Their wedding is in October! I think the Internet thing is great for people who don't know how to meet others. Just be honest about your inexperience!

this is how i see myself ending up, i'm 22 right now the only girlfriend i've ever had was a long distance relationship, she ended up cheating on me a few times and it really fucked me up, i have ZERO desire to ever be with anyone again.

i can actually see myself being a "virgin" for the rest of my life, i also have horrible social anxiety as well, the only advice i guess i can give you is to just go for it, try to power through the anxiety.

i was getting pretty close to being normal again until i was cheated on, so you should still have a chance.

It sounds bad, but what you need is a couple of "throw-away" girls. (Not that girls are meant to be thrown away). I mean girls that you could care less if you ever see again.

Get your first kiss out of the way. Honestly, when your kissing someone who knows how, you just kinda go with the motions. It's not that hard. But this way, you might feel a little embarassed but once she goes away, you'll feel a ton more confident having that experience.

As for sex. Wait for a girl that's worth it. She may think you are a little inexperienced, but a LOT of people are that way, so don't feel bad.

just get you a bunch of these hood rats...
run through them, just knock them out. Boom, boom, boom.
And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats...
now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho.

Don't put ALL your energy into it. That would be exactly like in the 40 year old virgin when they say you're putting the pussy on a pedestal. It's funny, but it's also true. You can't be obsessed with it, you'll be desperate, women don't like desperation. Also if you put all your energy into it, if you continue to struggle in this area it's going to be all the more upsetting. Proactively doing something to improve your ability with women and your sex life is definitely a good idea, but it should be something you do, not everything you do.