The Cost of a Dream

I’ve talked here and there about the piece of my story that involves Indonesia.

The short version is that my husband and I spent five years there…serving, living, loving.

It was good, and it was full of lessons.

It was hard, and it was full of tears.

It was long, and at the same time, it went by too quickly.

I’ve been back in the States for about four years, and I mean it when I say not a day goes by that I don’t ache for Indonesia.

But something God has had to teach me is that the ache isn’t a bad thing.

Rather, it means that it meant something.

Nearly nine years ago we were selling off our lives…the tangible parts at least. Except for putting some things in storage and packing eight suitcases/containers, it was all going away…to friends and family, to strangers, some of it even to the curb.

It was what we had to do to follow the dream of Indonesia, and we were okay with that. Mostly.

But following a God-sized dream like Indonesia came at a price.

And the more I live, the older I get, the more tears I cry, the more happy dances I do, I’ve realized something…There is always, always a cost when we choose to follow our Father. (<====Tweet this.)

That cost may be selling things and making a drastic move.

Or maybe the cost is stepping into the scary unknown to do something beyond yourself…like beginning a prayer group. I know a sweet dreaming sister who is doing just that right now, and OH. Oh, how brave she is.

Maybe the cost is humility…embracing the story God gave you, the one full of broken bits and heartache, and instead of letting it define, choosing to share the way He shines brightly through those cracks.

Or maybe, still, the cost is laying down a dream for His. Giving up hopes for The Hope. Trust. That takes bravery, too.

When my husband and I chose to sell it all…and that wasn’t an easy choice…God did so much.

There were times when it was ugly. Hard. Even difficult to breathe through to the next thing.

But there was also so much beauty.

And in those five years spent in a country that’s about as different as could be compared to the States…well.

I fell in love.

And four years later, the tears still flow as I remember the blessings and the memories and the ways God taught me about love and life and embracing whatever He chooses for me.

Tonight I sit in my home and I whisper thanks for the blessing of a house and my sweet family, a job for my husband and a wonderful community. A church and friends who love Him.

The thing I struggle with now, more than anything, is being in just one place. My heart is now a scattered jumble of beauty that meshes countries and cultures, languages and food-loves, distances and dreams.

And learning to find the beauty, despite a scattered heart? It’s been the lesson of my life.(<====Tweet this.)

There is always a cost when it comes to our dreams…but that cost can be so beautiful when we let it be.

“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”

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About Mel Schroeder

Mel is a follower of her Father, wife to Tobin, mama to Mae and Mac, a friend. She loves music, running, long chats over coffee, and could probably live on dark chocolate. A dreamer who loves everything from swinging on vines in the jungle and surfing, to dancing through her days with her sweet girl and heart-spilling on her blog, she takes each step of the ever-winding journey with faith that her Father has it all planned for good. She’s working on her first book that recounts the hilarious and heart-changing moments from the years she and her hubby spent in Indonesia. However, her dreams go beyond book-writing. Mel believes that doing whatever He’s planned for this beautiful life she’s been given is her biggest dream of all. Mel blogs at A Barefoot Life and can be found on Facebook and Twitter.

Comments

Mel,
What a poignant piece. You heart is showing, and I love it! Thank you for sharing this story, and it helps me understand the life of missionaries a bit more. Praying for you and all of us God Sized Dreamers today as we listen to where He is calling us to go today/tomorrow/etc. 🙂 Jenn

What a beautiful message! It is a comforting truth that when we miss what we once had or where we once were, it means it meant something…it was a blessing from God. And in that, we can be thankful and find rest. Blessings to you, Mel!

This is beautiful, what a great piece to read first thing this morning. I found so much encouragement and hope in what you wrote. Sometimes we find ourselves in places we don’t always like, and trusting God through it all is what life is all about. Thank you!!

Yes. So much truth contained in this powerful post. Thanks for making some of the most touching, most memorable quotes so easy to tweet. I love this, “And learning to find the beauty, despite a scattered heart? It’s been the lesson of my life.” I identify with this with my whole heart and soul. And I want it to be my constant quest. Thank you for your beautiful words.

Mel, I love this post because you touch on universal emotions and experiences but also give us peek into your unique story. Finding beauty and the ache pointing to meaning…oh so true. Thanks for these beautiful words, girl! XOXO