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Saturday, 27 October 2012

Opposites attract

Opposites attract
27 October 2012

You know how you sometimes see
couples and they’re just so perfectly matched – temperaments, tastes, and all
things in between.And other times you
see couples that seem so ill-suited.But
despite apparent looks, they’ve got a magical combo.Who know what makes a couple tick.I’m suspecting it’s hard work, tolerance,
understanding and love.

Grant and I are polar
opposites.His childhood was conventional.Straight down the line and pretty
conservative.Whereas mine was rather
bohemian by comparison.His family is
small and rather quiet, whereas mine can’t be accused of either those
qualities.My family is artistic and
creative, and classically educated in contrast to his that is sporty, business
minded and perhaps more practical.His family
is more nuclear and plays things close to their chests.Mine is like a wide open book, everything
open for everyone to see.We don’t do
secrets, resentments, mistrust.And my
Ouma Helene is fond of saying “we are not clandestine people”.Things are discussed, mulled about and
everyone has opinions.We’re involved in
each other’s lives and see each other often – rejoicing in closeness and an
exceptional bond.

And when it comes to raising a
family of your own, it is quite a challenge to find a happy medium between “my
way” and “your way”.The best one can
hope for is a melding of sorts.Perhaps the
best of both bits can come to the fore.Compromise
is key.

Grant and I often laugh about how
different we are.At school he was the
cool jock.It was all athletics this and
sporty that.Victor Ludorums, regional
and provincial colours, records, medals and certificates.And lots and lots and lots of girls.I think he was a bit of a player.Now, as for me.I was the nerd.All Library prefect, choir, drama club, piano
and the lot.I even had the required
spectacles to complete the dork look.I was
pathetic at sports and played in the 7th team for Netball.This great achievement only because there
wasn’t an 8th team.

His family is very religious and
devout Christians.In general, with the
exception of a few, my family falls short of that mark.I remember being in Grade 6 at Beaumont, in
the Afrikaans class.And succumbing to
peer pressure, feeling the need to go to church.The one every other Afrikaans kid went to –
the Dutch Reformed Church just around the corner from our house.I asked my folks if I could go and remember
them saying “it’s not really our bag, but you’re welcome to go, we hope you
enjoy it”.I went on my own for quite a
while, until the Sondagskool became to feel a bit too much like hard work.It was all remembering verses and lots of
homework too.There were lots of rules
and regulations, fire and brimstone too.I had to dress up quite smart and didn’t have the right clothes.I always felt a bit uncomfortable and out of
place.Like I was acting in a play,
without the correct script.And in the
end I fell by the way side.

But enough of religion and back
to opposites again we go.I feel like
for the most part we’ve adopted my way of doing things.Perhaps this is a mother’s prerogative when
it comes to her children, especially as mothers more often spend more time with
their kids.The way I’m accustomed to,
and was raised in, is my frame of reference.Grant takes a lot of guidance from me with regards to the children’s
emotional needs.Perhaps an area that is
more my forte.And though I’m quite
strict, in a fun way, I suppose (if that’s possible), Grant is more of a
disciplinarian.I’m playful and a
confidant and the one the kids come to to discuss stuff.I’m very hands on and involved.Yet, I know without a shadow of doubt that I can’t
do it on my own.I can’t be a single
parent and would hate it.Grant is my
sounding board and we discuss everything.Neither is autonomous – we reach joint decisions with regards to our
kids.With Grant away the last few days,
I’ve had to be good cop and bad cop with the kids.Not fun for me.Or them, I suppose.

We’ve created some unique ways of
our own – my Grantie and I.Parenting
skills we’ve picked up along the way, not copied from his family or mine.But rather gained en route.And I suspect we’ll continue adding to our
repertoire as our kids get older and we are parents for longer.We complement each other and form a winning
team.Cole always says “Daddy is rough”
and “Mommy is smooth”.Quite observant
for a little boy.I’m hoping that the
joint outcome of team Grant-Helene is perfect, just for us and our kids.And we’ll expel wonderful young children into
the world.