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Friday, June 18, 2010

Let me preface this post with two apologies: 1.) I apologize for the sardonic-irreverent tone I'll be taking in the following (as already evidenced by the title), which I honestly hope doesn't detract from the general earnestness with which I approach reading and analyzing literature on this blog (although I acknowledge my posts have frequent tongue-in-check moments just in general, so whatever).

And 2.) I'm sorry for even bringing up the subject of Cosmoetica.com creator and visionary, Dan Schneider, all 6'1" 195 lbs. of him, whom I think debases the discourse merely with his being cited -- and I understand that in so doing I likewise give his "criticism" some level of validity, for which I also want to apologize profusely. So I guess all told that's really three apologies.

Moving on . . .

I co-founded and used to write for an exceedingly unpopular website called The Weekly Johnson. If we specialized in anything it was humor, I suppose. And for a variety of good reasons we discontinued work on the site in 2008 or so. But ya know, shucks, I still remember it fondly -- and recently I let my curiosity get the better of me and searched to see if anyone out there on the Internet-scape was curious about what had become of it. Mostly, predictably, no one had wondered -- pro, con, or neutrally.

That is, with the notable exception of Dan Schneider, who was at some point the subject of an article by my friend and site co-founder, Jamie Ferguson, entitled: "Dan Schneider: Douche Bag".

The WJ now belongs to the internet's Way Back Machines, left to be dissected by future anthropologists or whatsoever might subsume and displace that particular scientific discipline, perhaps something involving cybernetics?

Dan Schneider, meanwhile, remains very much active and screed-ey. And long story made short: Dan apparently found Jamie's article and decided to respond in a way only he would. Good for him, I say.

And but anyway, here in the Rowanverse the fourth law of poetastering is: the Schneiderverse is a, as the delightful Homer Simpson might say, groin-grabbingly awful milieux of the abounding excruciating minutiae that is his oeuvre. But that's not my opinion; that's the law.

And Thus We Respond to Dan with: A High-Minded Gchat Discussion of All Things Schneiderian Whence The Rowanverse:

4 comments:

I am imagining a woman who is very eager to please, very much harried to the point of being cowed. Then again, Dan will probably yell at me for even suggesting that notion. "Um . . . no, sorry troglodyte, once again you demonstrate how very little you know. My wife happens to be among the most assertive, liberated people on the planet. Second, certainly, only to me. Return to tonguing the glans of the incestual lit scene at once, little troll!" Something like that. Or perhaps I'll be hearing from Dan's lawyer(s). Too soon to tell.

It's true though. Shakespeare wrote about a ton of love stuff and solidified the form, but when you look at something like the below, which begins with a riveting cosmic image of the Earth and is swallowed into a natural image of everyday life, and then extending into a lingering ending, you know that this kills a lot of Shakespeare stuff.

I mean Willy had meter, but what does meter matter when you have such intensity? Scrolling through his poetry, he takes on so many themes, voices, etc... Did you even read the long poem on America which starts with a historical conception, even throws in a Nixon parody halfway, and ends with a Sci-fi alien war? If Dan had like 1000 of those stuff in varied tones I would want to read all of it. He even wrote a double Sestina on the twin towers just because he could.

You'd have a better case if you actually had a line-by-line critique of the poems, like Dan usually does for his own. On the other hand, I think if Dan has an ego, he deserves it, because his critiques are jackassery but also has meat. Shame on you for attacking the artist without attacking the art itself.

THE PASSING

There are years to go before the last perfect dayon Earth. Then the sun will begin to swell, and lifewill cease, shorelines will retreat as oceans boil,and all will glow a barren red and airless gray.By then I will be shadow, long dead. Now, I liveamid joys and sorrows, with the love of a girlin a backseat, behind her mommy and daddy,as they pilgrim to a motel in New Hampshire,

blowing kisses out her window to teenage strays,drunk in a sportscar, honking and cursing at herfamily squareback's pace, as they are full on passing,as if they are ready to face eternal sleep,

as they leave her family behind on the highway,that is endless, and endless, and everything.

(If you do reply to this, and any of your replies happen to be attacking personality rather than content of the Art, I will label you illogical and ignore you completely. Nietzsche could make doing that fun and lyrical, but you aren't Nietzsche.)

This poem is garbage. It reads like the singing of the tone deaf and its imagery is as cliched as the worst sort of nascent work of an aspirant teenage poet. Cool if you like it. But I suspect you're Dan Schneider on another account.

praise for what we do here

From Online University Lowdown - Bob Einstein’s Literary Equations : Like the maths and sciences, the best, most thorough examples of literary criticism require painstaking exploration and a detailed report of the findings – all of which blogger Matt Rowan delivers.

From The New Dork Review of Books - Matt Rowan writes one of the best, most intellectually intense amateur book blogs out there. Definitely a blog to check out if you miss your college literature survey courses.