Becoming Happier With My Appearance

I KNOW, another personal post. What am I doing?!? Yeah, the New Year has kind of put me in quite a reflective mood, so I thought…I may as well.

I discussed in my 2016 recap post how I’ve started to feel more comfortable with myself, and that also includes the way I look. Although maybe it seems trivial to write about my own appearance, I have felt pretty negative about it in this past, and it’s taken a while to try and move past that. I still am! So I guess this is a part of myself. And in particular I find it difficult to sort out the things that are society or actually me. Like am I genuinely doing this for myself, or is it part of the pressure to be conventionally pretty/skinny? GAH ALL THE THINGS ARE SO MIXED UP TOGETHER.

Firstly: I cut my hair really short at the start of last year. I like it a lot this way. I tell people that I might go back to long hair, but to be honest…I don’t think I will any time soon. Getting my hair cut has given so much more confidence, and except for sometimes dying it I don’t really need to take time to style. It makes me feel cool! Sometimes I can look more ~traditionally feminine~ and sometimes I can look more ~traditionally masculine~. In general I just LIKE MY HAIR A LOT and I’m so glad that I did cut it.

The hair kind of let me start to do all the things I wanted… I was wearing makeup only on school days, just because I felt self conscious about my skin. Argh, this is difficult, but I want to be really clear here: caring about your appearance is 100% okay! Liking makeup is 100% okay, that’s cool for you! But it wasn’t something I particularly liked, and I wasn’t doing it for myself. I was doing it for other people. I still sometimes put on makeup, but not as much, and not just out of embarrassment. (Right now I’m wearing eyeliner. I’m terrible at putting it on, but it makes me feel cool and badass.) (I’m trying to worry less about what people think, and it’s hard but I AM TRYING.)

I wrote a little about gender earlier, and thanks for kind of letting me rant there — I guess this is all related. I don’t really know if I feel dysphoria, or if it’s just discomfort with the stereotypical feminine roles or whatever so many big words but I just don’t feel like wearing skirts and dresses that much anymore. (Hence I don’t often wear them.) Although it took a little persuasion *coughs* deception on my part with my parents, but I now have trousers that I wear to school instead of a skirt. It makes me feel a lot better about myself.

Usually I wear shirts or t shirts. I own SO MANY button up shorts, guys. Flannel! Office-y shirts! Really oversized bright yellow shirts! I LOVE SHIRTS. I like the way they look, and I like the way that they make me feel. Just in general…SHIRTS. Basically my favourite item of clothing, if you couldn’t tell. I live in shirts and skinny jeans.

Many people call people my age the ‘selfie generation’ or whatever. I often see things about how narcissistic we are and stuff. I’ve personally never been that comfortable taking selfies or having photos taken of me — I didn’t even have anything to take selfies with for a long time. I still don’t take them a lot but it feels really good to document the days when I’m just feeling super nice about myself or wearing a nice outfit! I like going back and looking at those. It’s fun to see me smiling as well. 🙂 I haven’t actually put any pictures here because this is more about my own feelings than my appearance, I guess, but if you do want to see my face then you can find me on my tumblr blog.

Yes! So this was actually pretty fun to do. I think being comfortable with yourself and gaining confidence is really important. It might be easier for some people than others. Although it’s taken me a while to get where I am now, I’m glad that I feel pretty okay with how I look and people’s opinions of me right now.

Loved this post!! I’m happy that you’re more comfortable being you, it’s so so important!! And I agree about the liking make-up/liking yourself thing. I usually feel comfortable both wearing and not wearing make up, but over the past few months I’ve had more and more outbreaks and I’ve become so self-conscious that I’ve been wearing make up a lot more than I normally do, just to try and hide it. Over the winter break I tried wearing it less and I think it has helped to an extent, but I think I generally have problematic skin!

Thanks so much! Yeah, some days I just feel like it and others not, idk. Argh I basically have PERMANENTLY red and spotty skin which is super fun, but. It doesn’t help it either because also SENSITIVE SKIN. Why is my face like this, alas. But I feel you! ❤

I’m so happy (and proud) that you’re feeling better about yourself, that’s one of the most important things in life! And about make-up, I don’t wear make-up (and I never really did) but there’s no reason to feel bad about that. I mean, if you feel comfortable in the way you are, it shouldn’t matter! And yay for jeans/trousers! (I am actually kinda girly, so I love wearing skirts but jeans are awesome too)

Thanks! I’m definitely getting there. Although I think it’s important to feel that people CAN, I do still fee like there’s a bit of a pressure to wear makeup which sucks. (Skirts are super cool! THEY ARE TWIRLY AAH. I am glad you like wearing them :D)

A beautiful post, dear Eve, & I am so glad to hear that you’ve become more comfortable with your appearance. I’m having a difficult time these days with the way I look – less with my appearance & more with my ~body in general~ – but that is mostly because of mental illness stuff, & I am sure I’ll be able to work through it with many introspective essays & poems & therapist discussions. It is so good to see you being this transparent about your own body image journey, though. Thank you for sharing with us. ❤

Well done really enjoyed your post. You can really relate to what you were saying and hope you keep your good blogs coming,it really does help to write your feelings down even if you don’t post them. Xx

EVE THIS POSTS WARMS MY HEART I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND I LOVE YOUR HAIR AND IT’S NOT TRIVIAL TO TALK ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE AT ALL. I think this post can really help/inspire other people struggling with this too *nods*