* “Taking the bar is like riding a bike. A bike that’s on fire.” Never before has there been a better way to describe what it’s like to take the bar exam. Here’s how some recent examinees were able to survive. Miraculously, no one preemptively sent a letter like this. [California Lawyer]

* DLA Piper is entering into happily married bliss with Davis, a 260-lawyer firm from the Great White North. An April wedding is planned. The couple is registered with American Lawyer and Vault. Give them a few loads of loonies! [Am Law Daily]

* Attorney General Eric Holder took to the op-ed pages to announce the Department of Justice’s official take on the constitutionality of marriage equality in America: “Nothing justifies excluding same-sex couples from the institution of marriage.” [USA Today]

* Speaking of Eric Holder, the attorney general released another official announcement yesterday. Ben Mizer will take over as chief of the Justice Department’s Civil Division. (For what it’s worth, people are making a huge deal over the fact that he’s gay.) [Metro Weekly]

* If you’ve missed a law school application deadline, don’t worry, because there are ways you can boost your chances of getting in. Having a pulse is only 98 percent of the battle — you’ll also need a tuition check. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

Kinney is currently running an exclusive search for an Asia GC role at a well known tech start-up company, based in Shenzhen. This company has received significant recent praise for their new smart phone device in leading medial outlets, such as the New York Times, TIME, Mashable, Wired, Yahoo, and Forbes, among others.

* Our own Tamara Tabo joined the folks at The Docket to discuss 50 Shades of Grey. [MSNBC]

* The USPTO is dumb enough to think people might confuse the Angry Asian Man blog and a children’s comic book called Angry Little Asian Girl, and now a trademark fight is brewing because the author of the latter has… become the latter. [Angry Asian Man]

* Lawyer and bike enthusiast tells bikers they’re part of the problem. Did this need to be said? [Outside Online]

* Amanda Knox, everyone’s favorite convicted/acquitted/convicted murderess, just got engaged to a musician she’s known since middle school. Aww, that’s cute and nice, but what we’d really like to know is where she’s registered for cutlery. [People]

* Loretta Lynch’s confirmation vote was postponed because per Chairman Chuck Grassley, she apparently submitted dissatisfying answers to the Senate Judiciary Committee’s post-hearing questions. Some says that she’s being held to a double standard… likely because she is being held to a double standard. [National Law Journal]

* Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg says she’s not going to give up on women’s rights cases at the Supreme Court, despite the fact that she’s got male colleagues who “don’t fully appreciate the arbitrary barriers that have been put in women’s way.” [Bloomberg]

* According to the latest report from Citi Private Bank Law Firm Group, Biglaw firms, “across the board,” are doing better than they were last year, but the biggest Biglaw firms are doing the best, of course. We’ll have more on this later today. [WSJ Law Blog]

* A Texas lawmaker has proposed a bill that would appoint legal representation to a fetus if its mother is brain dead. “You’ll hear what the family wants, and you’ll also give the pre-born child a chance to have a voice in court at that same time.” [Dallas Morning News]

* New York Law School is launching a two-year law degree program, and students will only have to pay two-thirds of the $147,720 that they normally would have had to. For the record, not all two-year degree programs are cheaper. [Crain’s New York Business]

* Today’s inspirational human being: An ordained minister in Alabama was arrested after offering to perform a same-sex marriage inside a probate judge’s office. She says she’ll do it again, even though she knows she’ll likely be rearrested for doing so. [USA Today]

* Meanwhile, Judge Callie V.S. Granade will hear arguments on whether she must order Alabama judges to issue marriage license to gay couples. Granade is the one who ruled the state’s ban was unconstitutional in the first place. [New York Times]

* Per Major Lindsey & Africa’s 2014 Partner Compensation Survey, women partners have finally beaten men when it comes to law firm compensation. Wait, no, that’s not true, it’s just an “anomaly,” and “[t]hese women might be outliers.” [The Careerist]

* Blank Rome’s ex-chairman donated $5M to Villanova Law to establish an ethics and compliance center. You’re a few years too late, pal. The school could’ve used an ethics and compliance center to avert its admissions scandal. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

* “The legal profession can benefit from more diversity. Should those students only attend low-ranked law schools? Absolutely not.” As we mentioned previously, law school diversity has improved, but only at the bottom. [National Law Journal]

* “The reality is, the university has done a lot to be a part of the solution. This undoes a lot of that work.” Students and professors at St. Louis University School of Law are up in arms because Bob McCulloch, the prosecutor in the Ferguson case, is coming to speak at an event on police practices. [ABC News]

* “Travel by coach will make it impossible for the attorneys to work and or sleep effectively upon our arrival.” Defense lawyers for three suspected terrorists motioned for a judge to give them business-class seats on a plane while federal prosecutors bum it back in coach. [New York Daily News]

* SCOTUSblog has been denied a Supreme Court press pass, yet again. Lyle Denniston, the site’s main reporter, had to go to great lengths in an attempt to circumvent the high court’s new journalist credentialing process. [Associated Press]

* “I would really think long and hard before defying a federal court order.” SCOTUS declined to issue a stay that would keep gay marriage at bay in Alabama, but some judges are still refusing to marry gay couples. Thanks Roy Moore. [Los Angeles Times]

* Paul Weiss: lookin’ nice! In a look at some of the early numbers from the latest Am Law 100 rankings, the firm increased its gross revenue year over year by 10.9 percent, allowing Paul Weiss to finally break the billion-dollar mark in revenue. [Am Law Daily]

* Next time on Nancy Grace: A recent graduate of Michigan State Law allegedly got a master’s degree student from the school pregnant twice before he left the country. The woman allegedly murdered one of the babies, and the other is now missing. [Detroit Free Press]

* I’ll just leave this right here so I won’t get fined. It looks like a partner from Kilpatrick Townsend & Stockton helped Marshawn Lynch trademark his nickname “Beast Mode” — a trademark that may lead to Lynch getting a $100,000 fine from the NFL. [Am Law Daily]

* In other trademark news, Taylor Swift got approval for catchphrases from her album. “Nice to Meet You, Where You Been?” Her IP lawyers “Could Show You Incredible Things,” but you could’ve been getting down to “This Sick Beat.” [WSJ Law Blog]

* According to Am Law’s latest Lateral Partners Survey, there was a 7 percent increase in lateral moves — 2,736, to be precise — between Oct. 1, 2013 and Sept. 30, 2014. Guaranteed pay packages, though, seem to be a thing of the past. [American Lawyer]

* The K&L Gates Cyber Civil Rights Legal Project, a clinic that’s perhaps better known as the firm’s revenge porn project, is assisting a California law student whose nude pictures and videos were allegedly put online by an ex. [DealBook / New York Times]

* There’s nothing like boner talk in federal court: Juan Monteverde of Faruqi & Faruqi reaffirmed his claim that he was too drunk to get it up“consummate the act” during the time Alexandra Marchuk alleged he forced sex upon her. [Law 360]

* “There’s something deeply ironic about a judge seeking the right to ignore another judge’s ruling while crying ‘judicial activism.'” Justice Roy Moore of the Alabama Supreme Court wants judges to ignore a federal ruling on his state’s unconstitutional ban on gay marriage. [Reuters]

* Just days after the legal news media found out that Dentons would be tying the knot with Dacheng, the deal has officially been sealed. Talk about a shotgun wedding! Best wishes go out to 大成 Dentons for a happy, international marriage. [Am Law Daily]

* Elite litigation boutique Susman Godfrey will be consolidating its Dallas and Houston offices into one mega-office in 2016 after the firm’s lease in Dallas is up. Will all of the displaced attorneys remain with the firm? [Houston Business Journal]

* Can we talk… about wrongful death cases? A lawsuit has finally been filed against the outpatient endoscopy facility and physicians involved in the death of Joan Rivers, and details have been released as to the way the beloved comedian died. [CNN]

* Senate Republicans are contemplating abolishing filibusters for SCOTUS nominees. This could go one of two ways: it could work out nicely for them, or explode in their faces. It’s like a choose your own adventure game. [POLITICO]

* When it comes to the upcoming gay marriage cases before SCOTUS, “[e]very lawyer involved will want to argue.” Remember, when you’re given the chance to make history, you better hope that you’re on the right side of it. [National Law Journal]

* “[I]f there is one decision I would overrule, it is Citizens United.” Even RBG thinks this campaign finance decision is one of the Supreme Court’s “darkest hour[s].” [Salon]

* SCOTUS refused to stay Charles Warner’s execution, but it agreed to grant cert on his lethal injection case days after his death. Better late than never? [New York Times]

* The NFL has drafted Ted Wells of Paul Weiss to blow up the absurd controversy that is “Deflategate.” Come on, who cares if the Patriots cheated again? [WSJ Law Blog]

* Do you know any chronic Biglaw firm-hoppers? How many firms are too many to lateral to? Three? Five? Seven? Jesus Christ, for this guy, try 10 firms. [Am Law Daily]

When was the last time you took a second look at your student loans? If you’re like most borrowers, you probably try hard not to think about them. After all, dwelling on your debt isn’t going to make it go away any faster. Or is it?

* On Friday, the Supreme Court agreed to evaluate the constitutionality of same-sex marriage, and this is perhaps the definitive article on how the justices have been preparing the nation for marriage equality. Get ready for some big gay weddings this summer. [BuzzFeed]

* With it being highly likely that the Supreme Court will declare bans on same-sex marriage by the states unconstitutional, people are wondering which justice will be the one the vote hinges upon. Could it be Chief Justice Roberts? [New Republic]

* Come on now, the swing vote in the same-sex marriage cases will obviously be Justice Kennedy. The legal tea leaves have been read, and with his majority opinions in Romer, Lawrence, and Windsor, the future has been foretold. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Steven Metro, the former managing clerk of Simpson Thacher’s New York office, was finally indicted after being charged with insider trading almost one year ago. If you’re interested, flip to the next page to see the juicy indictment. [Am Law Daily]

* AG Holder puts a stop to the government’s Equitable Sharing program, which was a nice way of saying the “police stealing things from people” program. [Washington Post]

* School chancellor: “After careful consideration, I’ve concluded that enlisting our students as confidential informants is fundamentally inconsistent with our core values.” Would have been better to have figured that out before a student died while acting as an informant. [Redline]

* With fewer and fewer students applying to law school, acceptance rates have skyrocketed. Some, like GW Law, have even been accused of “laundering [their] credentials” by padding their enrollment numbers with transfers. [GW Hatchet]

* “People don’t graduate from law school understanding the business of law.” That’s just one of the reasons recent grads are having such a tough time getting jobs as associates. Suffolk Law thinks it can help change that. [Boston Business Journal]

* “This is an example of the system working as intended”: Hundreds of thousands of dollars are due to successful plaintiffs in same-sex marriage cases, and millions of dollars in attorneys’ fees for that work is racking up interest. [National Law Journal]

* James Risen, the New York Times reporter who refused to out his source as part of a CIA investigation, has won the right to keep his journalistic integrity intact after a long legal battle. Prosecutors have officially dropped him as a witness. [Bloomberg]

* After much talk about partners heading for the exits before, during, and after the Patton Boggs and Squire Sanders merger, and Bob Luskin has finally left the building for Paul Hastings. We hope his parting wasn’t “painful” for him. [WSJ Law Blog]

* George Zimmerman was arrested for aggravated assault and domestic violence with a weapon. His lawyer said his client “has not been lucky with the ladies.” He hasn’t been lucky with being a decent human being, either. [USA Today]

* Lawrence McCreery, the Hawaii lawyer who licked a client’s ear and inspired the judge on his case to call him a “dirty old man,” has had his harassment conviction upheld on appeal. Get excited, he’s still got a law license, ladies. [Associated Press]

* We may soon see same-sex marriage bans in three states struck down, as the Fifth Circuit “appeared poised” to do so after oral arguments on Friday. Roberta Kaplan, our 2013 Lawyer of the Year, delivered a standout performance in arguing against Mississippi’s ban. [BuzzFeed]

* What do Sidley Austin, Baker & McKenzie, Reed Smith, Hogan Lovells, and Skadden Arps have in common? Their names were used in phishing emails to scam people out of their money. Some might say that’s business as usual. [Crain’s Chicago Business]

* An arrest was made in the forcible rape of a woman — presumably a law student — that took place in the stacks of the Southern University Law Center’s library last semester. The accused rapist is currently behind held without bond. [WBRZ]

* Per New York City’s gossip rag of record, an alleged “bed-pooping, cokehead” banker and his “alcoholic” wife were called out by the judge in their divorce case for involving their kids in a “horrible fiasco.” [New York Post]

* For time infinitum, the structure of Wachtell Lipton’s billing was “cloaked in mystery.” Thanks to an errant fee agreement, however, we have an idea of what the prestigious firm charges for its “distinctive service.” [Am Law Daily]

* Hey guys, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and there’s a newly single Bachelorette on the prowl. The lovely Andi Dorfman called off her reality TV stunt engagement. Perhaps the ADA will return to prosecuting cases? [E! Online via TODAY]

* “We are in the end game on the freedom to marry for same-sex couples.” Later today, we may find out whether the Supreme Court intends to take up any of the same-sex marriage disputes that have been presented to it this Term. [Bloomberg]

* It looks like the UNLV William S. Boyd School of Law is starting an LL.M. program in gambling law. Step right up, because we’re now taking bets to see whether this degree will be advantageous for its graduates in the job market. [National Law Journal]

* California’s foie gras ban was recently struck down by a judge as an illegal encroachment upon the federal government’s regulatory domain. Please remember that while it’s delicious… it’s supposedly only “for assholes.” [San Francisco Chronicle]

* 60 Minutes correspondent Steve Kroft got to live out many an American’s fantasy: he got to screw a lawyer, again and again. [Gawker]

* “I guess if I had to change one thing, it would have been to go to law school after college. But I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up until I actually grew up, and by then it was a little too late for those goals.” [XX Factor / Slate]

* Per the Department of Education, Harvard Law sucks at handling sexual assault and harassment complaints. As it turns out, the DoE only found out about the misconduct because a faculty member from New England Law snitched on the Ivy League school. [Boston.com]

* Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the penalties for pot possession. One state legislator wants to change that in the new year, and hopes his colleagues will puff, puff, pass his bill in favor of small civil fines instead of jail sentences. [VICE]

* “If the court has been waiting until the country is more comfortable with gay marriage, they’ve waited long enough.” The first SCOTUS conference of 2015 will focus on gay marriage cases. It’d be fabulous if they took one. [Supreme Court Brief]

* Latham and Fried Frank are going to be advising on Shake Shack’s initial public offering. Hungry attorneys working on the IPO will be disappointed to learn that their client doesn’t have any public offerings for consumption on Seamless. [Am Law Daily]

* The bankruptcy trustee for the late, great, defunct firm of Howrey LLP keeps lining up big settlements for its remaining creditors. This time, Wiley Rein will contribute $1 million to the failed firm’s coffers. Howrey like dem apples? [Wall Street Journal]

* Total 1L enrollment in law school is the lowest it’s been since 1973, when there were 53 fewer schools. The next step would be to reduce tuition to 1973 levels, and then no one would have any more complaints. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Just because Bingham McCutchen bit the big one, it doesn’t mean that all of its pro bono cases will have to suffer the same fate. Not only did Morgan Lewis rescue most of the firm’s attorneys, but it’s also saving 500 of its pro bono cases. [Am Law Daily]

* Now that President Obama has decided to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba, lawyers are champing at the bit for more business opportunities. Love Cuban cigars? Well, lawyers love trademark disputes involving those cigars. [National Law Journal]

* Greenberg Traurig reminds Florida clerks that if they issue gay marriage licenses, they could be criminally charged. Plaintiffs’ attorneys remind Florida clerks that if they refuse to issue gay marriage licenses, they could be sued. [Tampa Bay Times]

* Our managing editor, David Lat, sat down with Vivia Chen to dish about some of his favorite things, from his new book, Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link), to his new fiancé. Her book review: “I liked it! It’s a fun, breezy read.” Hooray! [The Careerist]

We’ve all heard how dysfunctional entry-level legal recruiting is: Inordinate expense, decisions made on the briefest of subjective impressions with opacity all around, and what do firms reap for all their efforts? Shocking attrition rates among junior associates. It’s time for a conference on what could work better, and this is it.

Are you a junior to mid-level corporate/finance associate who has been contemplating a move to (or within) Washington, DC? In response to increased deal activity requiring “NY (or like-kind) trained” corporate associates, the Washington, DC corporate/finance market is experiencing an unusually high demand for your skills. Read more, and check out www.g-s.com.