Discuss the latest comic book news and front page articles, read or post your own reviews of comics, and talk about anything comic book related. Threads from the two subforums below will also show up here. News Stand topics can also be read and posted in from The Asylum.

If anyone is at least somewhat familiar with my reviews on the front page, you would discover that I've reviewed Batman INC....a lot. Out of the 10 previous tales in the series, I reviewed 4 of them. It should come as no surprise that I'd be all over this like ThatGuyRoman on Antonio Cesaro's body. After reading it, I must say that it's good to have this series is back.

Grant Morrison keeps the plot moving, while peppering the story with great character moments. The interplay between the characters (particularly Batman and Robin) is great, Leviathan is dreadfully menacing (in a good way) and Goat Boy is a flawed, yet interesting character. Chris Burnham and Nathan Fairbairn turn in some killer art. It's detailed, yet expressive; gritty, yet fun. Burnham does a fantastic job of translating Morrison's script into art.

Batman Inc 1 is a fast-paced, often amusing opening issue. It starts off with an action sequence and continues for most of the issue to pack a lot of punches. In between, we see Batman and Damian interact in this dark but ultimately hilarious way, more as father and teenage brat than as crime-fighter and sidekick. There is an over-the-top absurdity to the characters and story in this book, and some of the lines and moments in the book reinforce the silliness. At the end of the slaughterhouse fight, for example, Damian declares himself a vegetarian and anoints one of the surviving animals "Bat-Cow." I love it. In this book it looks as though Morrison is trying to give us a darker but equally corny version of the Batman-Robin TV show. I think this is the right approach to take, because everything about Robin, but especially the costume, is corny. That said, there is a pretty startling cliffhanger that suggests the story will be taking a more serious tone, but we'll see where Morrison ultimately takes this books. Hopefully, he keeps the corniness a strong element. As for the art, the single- and double-page spreads are gorgeously detailed and the storytelling is straightforward but always interesting. This book, overall, deserves a solid ...

“Oh f*ck me” was my reaction as I willed myself to finish reading this comic in the score. Of course, going into this I knew that this was a Youngblood comic so my expectations were tempered. At the same time, both Glory and Prophet have proven to be much better than I originally thought they were going to be, so in the back of my mind I was hoping that the material would rise above the concept in some fashion. What I ended up getting was something far, far worse than I imagined.

What went wrong with Youngblood #71?

There’s so much wrong with this comic that picking a place to begin is a great laboring in and of itself, but the sticking point that grates me the most is the lack of writing. Yes, the comic does have word balloons that are filled with dialogue, but very quickly you realize how little it matters. The dialogue doesn’t only suffer from just merely sounding sophomoric, but it also exposes how weak the characters in the book really are. Not only are these characters painfully one dimensional, but they’re extremely indistinguishable. If you’ve ever read an early Image comic, then you’ll quickly understand the characters you’re dealing with. From the poor Gambit intimations to the “strong, sexually liberated woman” each crappy character archetype is on display in its purest most inglorious form.

As for the story, it’s even more nonexistent than the dialogue. For all of the effort the Youngblood team exerts to take itself seriously, the only thing the reader will be left with is laughter at how ridiculous the whole scenario is. At the end of the day both it and the writing serve no purpose to what this comic is really meant to display and that’s the art itself. Does the book do a better job in its most important aspect?

Not on your life.

As I was standing there, taking in this full scope of this work, I was mentally going through the “Rob Liefeld art Checklist” to see how many boxes would checked off.

And this is just scratching the surface. From the first page to the last, it’s quite obvious that Rob Liefeld is going through his usual motions without any care for anything besides his usual wants. Adding to the list of sins is the fact that the art doesn’t contribute to the story or atmosphere in a positive manner whatsoever. By doing this, Liefeld has turns an extremely vapid read into a painful experience all around.

The Bottom Line

In the grand scheme of things 2012 has been a year of extremes. The highs have been high and the even the mediocre has been mostly extremely offensive or extremely boring. However, there has been a set of lows that have made me wonder why I still bother reading certain genres in this medium. However, Youngblood #71 has all of the lows beat as the lack of craft is pervades every aspect in the most horrific fashion possible. This comic is unreadable, inexcusable and unforgivable.

So one of the best selling independent comic books returns! There must be a market for this product and I hope they’re happy its back, but I still don’t get it. Why do people buy Liefeld’s work?

Who wants to read about characters like Golden Stream and Honey Badger? Who wants to see so many mouths agape? Why do people care about the most painfully derivative concept they can get their hands on? It boggles my mind even more now than it did in the 90’s.

Story

It’s so banal it’s difficult for my brain to retain it, and I’ve read it twice. It’s self deprecating to a fault, like that will make it ok. I could go on, but I feel like I’m picking on retarded kids in the special olympics.

1/5

Art

Liefeld has been “drawing” for 20+ years. Why does he still suck so bad? Sure there’s been some improvement, but not much. What’s intrigues me even more is why do guys like the Kuberts, Portacio, and Lee escape scorn for being on a par with Liefeld?

Maybe that’s why Liefeld has a career, his deficiencies make mediocre artists look good. Maybe fans think there’s hope for them to achieve their dreams because a suckwad like Liefeld gets work? It’s a real mystery of the ages.

1/5

Final score - 2/10

Batman Incorporated #1

My least favorite writer and my least favorite character! This should be fun...

Story

Somebody’s been in the archives again. Bruce Wayne, under arrest for suspicion of murder, again! This will be the third time for the buff billionaire, am I supposed to be worried?

Then the story unfolds, a new gang is in town and B&R are on the case. Oh but there’s a wild card this time in Goat Boy! Oh no, hipsters are referencing Bill Hicks’ old stand up routines, is nothing sacred?

So the minute the chase enters the abattoir, two things happen. First I gird my loins for the impending moral enlightenment, and second, I get hungry. I could go for a steak, or maybe a nice roast tomorrow. Back to the story, and how luck defines us. It certainly defines Batman comics, that motherfucker has been relying on bad aim and good luck for 70 years.

Robin is Stewie Griffin, and the only thing more annoying than girl power is child power. Power is Mass times Speed, and kids don’t have either. Damian is about as physically intimidating as Jaden Smith, and even less believable. Goat Boy seems formidable enough with all his planning and organizational skills, too bad he can’t silence his uncharacteristic internal dialogue long enough to just take the FUCKING shot.

For a common taxi driving turned rocket rifle wielding thug, he sure talks like a comic book writer describing a comic book. Morrison’s dialogue never ceases to amuse. Then finally, after another convenient miss of Batman’s pink fleshy jaw, our villain hits the mark and Robin is dead!

That’s right, a Robin has died! Never before in the anals of DC comics comics has a Robin fallen in action. What a cliffhanger, how will it all end?

Every time I read a Batman comic one idea runs through my head. Castling!

2/5

Art

Thank Zod comic books are a visual medium, Chris Burnham’s work is gorgeous. It’s not often that the clone surpasses the source, but I think I actually prefer his work to Quietly’s. His design is pleasing, but even more importantly it’s very consistent.

Burnham’s sequential storytelling is excellent. The story unfolds effortlessly and the action is well defined. I would buy this title regularly if it were about another character, or if Morrison wasn’t writing it.

Have there really been #71 issues of Youngblood, or is this some kind of ironic reference I'm not getting? Unlike most of you, I left comics for the entirety of the nineties to do more productive things, like heroin, so I missed the entirety of the Image formation. I can only imagine this is why I have such a fondness for Rob Liefeld when everyone else irrationally hates him. Of course, I'm aware of what the books looked like in the nineties, and that Rob and his imitators got more and more exaggerated, resulting in stuff like the Captain America boobs picture. In recent years, I think Rob's art has returned to what made it exciting in the first place, but I've felt that modern coloring techniques take something away from it. With that in mind, this was executed perfectly, and I think the art is some of the best Liefeld art I've seen since the old X-Force days... except there was another guy credited with art too, so I'm not sure what was going on here. Did they share it? Was someone inking Rob? I dunno. But it was great. Best comic I've read all year, even if I had no idea who the characters were or what was going on. Was it full of old school superhero cliches? Yes. Awesomely. There was some watersports jokes I wanted to make about the opening scene but I forgot them and I don't feel like going to get the issue to figure it out again, so just imagine I said something really witty about golden showers here. 10/10

Batman Incorporated #1:

This was complete garbage up until the end when obnoxious Damian Wayne got shot in the head. I hate Grant Morrison's Batman, hated it when he first took over, and haven't been able to stomach it since. I don't want to see people with cow heads performing satanic rituals or whatever the fuck was going on here. That's not what Batman's about. Grant Morrison, you are a weirdo. If it weren't for all that nonsense, the book would have been decent. I liked the narrative from the bad guy, and I especially like that he shot Damian Wayne, who sucks. I didn't see the bullet pass through a head though, so I can't wait to see what cheap gimmick is used to explain the graveyard scene when it's revealed he's not really dead. Art was okay, but not as good as Youngblood.

amlah6 wrote:McDarkseid has spoken and next week we shall be reviewing...

Star Trek TNG/Doctor Who: Assimilation #1Scott & David Tipton with Tony Lee (w)J.K. Woodward (a)They said it would never happen! Nearly five decades and 1500 episodes in the making! The two greatest science-fiction properties of all time cross over for the first time in history, in STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION/DOCTOR WHO: ASSIMILATION! When the Federation's most terrifying enemy strikes an unholy alliance with one of the Doctor's most hated antagonists, the result is devastation on a cosmic scale! Spanning the ends of space and time itself, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the USS Enterprise find themselves joining forces with the Doctor and his companions, with the fate of the galaxy hanging in the balance! Written by Scott and David Tipton, the authors of the critically acclaimed Star Trek: Infestaion, and featuring the beautiful painted artwork of J.K. Woodward (Fallen Angel), this is the adventure that both Trekkers and Whovians have waited for all their lives! Geronimo? Make it so!

Nice. I've never watched a single episode of Doctor Who, so I look forward to trashing this sacred cow.

I missed Grant Morrison's Batman. And this book makes me want to go back and read it all over again.

Chris Burnham is amazing I've loved his work since Nixon's Pals. The story moves things along with what I'm guessing is Ra's skeleton. I've grown to love Damien Wayne. Sure the first times we hear from the assassin it's awful but he's pretty awful. Really really great book.

9

doombug wrote:You really are the george carlin of the outhouse. that's fucking hilarious.

doombug wrote:and yeah, Yoni called it.

I feel like a condemned building with a brand new flag pole.- Les Paul