In what might be the weirdest Olympics tie-in since suggesting that Olympians eat McDonald’s, the US Pentathlon Team for the 2016 Rio Olympics has teamed up with The Expendables star Dolph Lundgren in, well, I simply can’t do it justice.

Remember that mediocre and wholly forgettable action film, The Expendables? Probably not, because of the two aforementioned adjectives. But 23,322 illegal downloaders were targeted by the film's legal team—an endeavor a judge is now calling bullshit.

The Expendables is big loud action movie in which Naugahyde-hewn war gods turn junta lackeys into goulash for the better half of 103 minutes. It's screamingly ordinary, but the mass nostalgia it hawks is a genre cinema paradigm.

People complained that we left Simon Tam out of our 1980s-style Firefly opening credits. You failed to realize: That was Firefly's second-season intro. By then, Sean Maher had cashed in on his unbelievable popularity, with a spin-off. Check it out.