Bachelorette 2013 Week 4 Promo Analysis: Fun With Public Humiliation

Watching the promo for Season 9 Episode 4 of The Bachelorette is the best part of our lives. Like, even better than trolling around Chris Harrison's menswear website while drinking wine coolers. This Monday's trip to the cruel and unusual corners of Desiree Hartsock's mind looks even more fantastic than usual, mostly because Des forces her competitors to participate in a Mr. America competition. And yes, Kasey tap-dances. #shrinkage

We've analyzed each second of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!

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00:03 — Plane Dramatically Takes Off In the SkyPresumably housing the wayward love children of this season's contestants. Bye forever, little ones.

00:06 — ABC Interns Get Crafty with Stock Footage of Atlantic CityOne would almost think it's a fun place to visit.

00:07 — Desiree's Men Roam Around Some Desolate StreetBecause Atlantic City's population of retirees are already in bed, duh.

00:09 — Desiree Flies Around In a Giant BallScreams hysterically while doing so.

00:10 — Desiree Tells Us That She Wants a Love Who Can "Light the Darkness"We hear Gandalf is still single!

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00:12 — Des Realizes She Hasn't Been Kissed All Day, Pounces DrewDoes anyone else think the contestants should be required to use dental dams for all makeout sessions? Safety first.

0:15 — Desiree Gets Way Too Excited About Winning a Carnival PrizeImagine how enthused she'll be when she wins an actual living human later this season. You know, assuming it all works out.

0:16 — Desiree Forces ABC Interns To Build Her a Sand Castle ThroneProceeds to sit in front of said throne for hours.

0:18 — Desiree Kisses Someone Who May or May Not Be Mike GarofolaIn other words, she gives him her sugar. OMG, diabetes jokes.

0:19 — Random Helicopter Putters Around the SkyUgh, is that an aid ‘copter cuz Brooks breaks another finger?

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0:24 — Desiree Makes Out with James Case While Slow DancingAKA her favorite hobby other than wearing Lululemon.