Monday, August 24, 2009

Linda Rondsadt sang these words long ago.....I've been cheatedBeen mistreated, When will I be loved.....

I've been pushed down. I've been pushed 'round. When will I be loved.....

I've been made blue. I've been lied to. When will I be loved......

Well praise God that life just isn't fair!

Do you ever feel that someone else is getting the upper hand on you and it's not God? I felt so cheated today when I picked up my car from the repair shop. I felt they stole from me in so many ways. Was was ready to get revenge, and right away. I have been thinking for the past 4 hours on just how mad I am that I was taken advantage of. Why did I have to pay so much money for something and then to find out something else was done that was wrong? My heart aches. It hurts. It hurts to be lied to. Not something I'm really use to. I don't lie, and I put my trust in so many that when I they do lie to me, it is so hurtful. Matthew 5:43-48 says "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor.—(Leviticus 19:18) Hate your enemy.'But here is what I tell you. Love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you. Then you will be sons of your Father who is in heaven. "He causes his sun to shine on evil people and good people. He sends rain on those who do right and those who don't. "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Even the tax collectors do that.If you greet only your own people, what more are you doing than others? Even people who are ungodly do that. So be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect. Oh Father help me to be perfect like you. Help me to be strong and to not be angry for the way I was treated today. Help me to love. Help me to not want revenge. Help me to show them grace and mercy as you would want me to. Father it's hard not to feel hurt. It's hard not to be angry but I ask that you open my eyes to something that I cannot see right now. Close my eyes to the amount of money this cost me. Close them to the lies that were told and help me find a way in my heart to minister to people like this so that they will live for you now....and forever. Help me to move past the hurt and move in a direction of love.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

This morning I woke up and my car wouldn't start. It had a little life left in it, but nothing I could do was going to get it going. It had all kinds of bells and whistles going off to get my attention, but the little bit of life it had left in it was what caught my attention.

We called a tow truck and he came to the rescue. We thought it may just be the battery, but after he looked for a moment, he was convinced it was much more than that. So, he drove me, and my lifeless car all up in chains to the dealership doctor.

Unfortunately, they were all out of loaners so I was out of luck. So Chad called a dear friend of mine and rescued me by loaning me his truck for the time being. It's a much bigger vehicle than I am used to driving so I'm having to be very careful in it.

The report from the dealership (which I call Car.Dr) states the repair will be nearly $1000.00. Wow! My questions were: "Isn't that covered under the warranty? It's part of the engine! That's like a big part of the car! It doesn't have that many miles! It's not even that old! I've been so gentle with it! I've taken good care of it! I've done all I'm supposed to do!"

But that message came at 5:30 to Chad's phone and his phone battery had died so there was no way to communicate with the dealership at this point.

Do you ever feel like your relationship with God is this way?

You wake up one morning, and you just can't get started. You look good on the outside. You're all put together, neatly pressed, outside is finished but on the inside, something isn't working right.

You decide you can't make it on your own. You try to or be someone different. You try to "loan" yourself a replacement, but there are just none left. You call for help and wait but only to have a stranger help you out at that moment. But now you're stuck. You reach out and a friend helps. Gives you HIS spare life for the day or week so that you can continue doing what needs to be done. However, this life is much bigger than the one you were use to having. These are big shoes to fill.

You go to see the doctor and he tells you it's going to be pretty costly. And you respond by saying:"Isn't that covered under the warranty? That's the part that drives me! That's like a big part of me! I don't have that many miles! I'm not even that old! I've been so careful with my life! I've taken good care of myself! I've done all I'm supposed to do!"

But, the good news is, my battery isn't dead. I get the message and it's not too late. This doctor is never closed. He's always open for service if I am willing to do take his prescription and live by it.

As for the car....well...I have no idea. Guess we'll call the dealership in the morning. As for the loaner car, I have it as long as I need it. As for the life I live.....I am comforted knowing that I live in peace because I serve a God that is much bigger than I. Life is difficult!!! There will be pain! There will be struggles! But the God I serve has already conquered the world and I live in peace knowing that I don't have to! I will not run from the struggles we have in this life. The outcome on the other side of this life is going to be one far better than anything I can ever imagine. Parts broken or not. We should all be encouraged today, because......the Lord said so!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Man, Just as I thought sending my kids to Kindergarten was bad.....the transition to 6th grade....EVEN WORSE!

All three kids went back to school today. As I watched them get ready this morning (with minimal help from mom) I couldn't help but notice how different they each were.

Ian gets up at 5:45 this morning......ready to go. He's so excited to be back in school and hopefully ready to learn. He had the option for me to take him to school today, but since he's never rode a bus before, we was very excited for the opportunity. Plus, it picks up right in front of our house. Now that's service. He was silly, he was fun, he was all smiles this morning. He couldn't get enough hugs before he went out the door and got on that bus. I have prayed for him all day that his day be filled with joy, laughter, many new friends, and most of all, concentration.

Emilie is a firecracker to say the least. That girl would walk out the door tomorrow and never look back. She was ready to go. A big 4th grader she is! She wanted to walk to school all by herself. Well, I'm protective of my little cub....so I said NO! But her daddy stayed home long enough to walk her to school and see that she get in just fine. She's never been able to walk to school so this was huge for her. She walked in like she owned the place, and probably by 3:45....she will. I have NO idea where she gets her assertiveness. I have prayed for her all day to have joy, fun, laughter, new friends, and most of all, the ability to be peaceful, quiet, and have patience.

Lukus was the total opposite of the two. He woke up in tears today. He was so scared. He told me how scared he was to go to a new school where he didn't know anyone. I sat and held him for a while. His heart was beating out of his chest as the tears rolled down his face. He wouldn't even ride the bus today. Chad and I both took him and dropped him off. I think God was smart in creating a traffic jam this morning so that Lukus could have the time to process everything. I think in the past 24 hours I have spent more time reassuring Lukus and getting him ready for today more than the other two. He's so brave. It wasn't his choice to move here and as a parent, I know it was the right thing to do. But I can see in a childs opinion how it would be difficult. He stepped out of the van, said goodbye, and never looked back. I think if he had, all 3 of us would have been in tears. But I am sure he went in and was fine once he found his new class. He is the extreme of shyness in our family and I love that he adds that balance to us. He is such a crucial part of our team. He adds the softness and tenderness to us when we don't stop to think about it. He's the calm and level headed one. I have prayed all day that he has peace in his heart about his new school and that he finds friends that love him just as much as Chad and I do. I pray that Lukus depended on God's power and strength to stand against the anxiety that he was feeling and that he was able to stand firm as a child of God. I pray that he did not worry about anything and that God gives him peace throughout this year.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Today I finalized all the kids school enrollment stuff. With Ian's stuff it generally takes a few weeks to get everything accomplished. BUT.....we are going to try again this year. He has really come a long way since January and he is ready to go back to school once again. I'm not really sure how it will work out, but I'm not worried. God will provide the answer we need. He is very excited to be able to go to an art class as well as an all boys vocal music class and also take his core classes with.....all boys. That's certainly new to us but same gender classes is something Owasso offers and I'm quite excited about it. I'm excited because Ian is excited. I am so thankful for friends who love him like we do.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Some are exciting in thought. Some are scary in thought. But all in all, life is ever changing and with that, you must adapt and make the changes.

I'm learning that with everything in life, you must enjoy what you have. Be happy with it. Be content. I sure have found much more happiness in contentment lately. Who ever knew huh? I like contentment. It's a comfortable place to be.

Life throws you troubles. Oh does it ever. But with that comes the joy of finding yourself on the other side. What is the other side of trouble? Well, happiness.

Human nature causes us to worry.

Faith causes us to be able to find peace among the storms.

"These little troubles are getting us ready for an eternal glory that will make all our troubles seem like nothing" 2 Cor 4:17 (CEV)

Sunday, August 02, 2009

"Well, you look great! I just see something else and can't put my finger on it"

Man....don't you hate it when others can see right through you.

There comes a time when you just have to swallow your pride and say what is wrong.

For us right now, it is finances. We are still being hit with all the moving, transfer fees, and basically, just playing catch up from the move. We didn't make much from the sale of our home, and really....that's okay. But we've had to play catch up in areas where we hadn't realized yet. Some things this past week totally caught us off guard. It wasn't our error, but the errors of the companies involved. Needless to say, our pocketbooks were drained. I refuse to put anything on credit as we don't need to start down that road. What DOES make me happy is that everything is paid!!! But there is nothing left. That....is a sad reality. And when I say nothing....I mean...nadda! Nothing! Zero! Zilch!!

We cut our vacation short and decided to work more hours. OOPS! Wait! We came back home to find out there are no more hours left at work. There is a shortage of freight at FedEx and a shortage of patients at the hospital. I had to beg and plead with my boss last night to not send me home. They were able to get someone else to go home instead of me so I am thankful. But that doesn't guarentee me any hours these next few days. But I will be reaching for what I can get.

I remember a time when we were newely married and we lived off of Ramen Noodles. We didn't complain. In fact, we got quite creative with them. :o) Creativity with meals helps in today's planning when you have 5 mouths to feed. As I worried in my heart this morning about how we would make it this week, I came home and pulled everything we have out of the cabinets and refrigerator. I have enough stuff to be creative enough to make a meal every night this week. My little ones will not go hungry. And I hope and pray they don't see the difference.

The kids are so good. They know things are tight right now and knew this would be the reality for a while after moving. And they have not complained. There is the occassional "WHY" that comes up, but overall, they are happy to entertain themselves while we work to provide for the family.

Living further out of Tulsa now, I have to think about my driving time. Gas was not a big expense for us before. Now, we have to constantly think of ways to conserve our gas and miles. That has been one of the biggest adjustments for us.

School starts in a few weeks. For all of us!!! I have lots to think about. School Supplies, Clothing, Lunches, the basics. ARGH! Still trying to figure out the HOW of this.

However, Emilie woke this morning and showed me that one of her permanent teeth are completely broken off and split in 1/2 at the root. Hummmmm....okay...what will I give up to fix my daughters tooth? A LOT! I have no idea how to cover it, but for her health, I have to do something....and quick!

I'm thankful to the first person who said something to me this morning. I'm very thankful to the second person who looked at me and knew right away I was at war with myself and needed for someone to just understand.

Everywhere we turn, it's a dollar here, five there, and it's never ending. I am happy within myself that I have the strength to say "I can't" and feel okay with it. The disappointment is gone. The struggle comes when you have to disappoint your kids so many times that they no longer are bothered by it. It has just become a way of life.

I'm thankful for our friends. I am thankful for our family. I am thankful for our God and what he blesses us with. Even if it's not much, I feel like the richest person on earth.