Perfect candidate for interim neutral prime minister is CR

Pornpimol Kanchanalak
Special to The Nation April 10, 2014 1:00 am

The political scene in Thailand couldn't get any messier. So far the Armageddon remains home-grown, but every effort is being made to drag in superpowers such as the US - ever-ready to aid a "democracy" no matter how fake - and the United Nations. Somebody must be hoping to turn Thailand into another Ukraine.

However, just as Nasa's Curiosity Rover has spotted a mysterious white gleam on Mars, Thailand may be seeing a speck of light at the end of our pitch-black tunnel. Someone who could act as a neutral interim prime minister has been identified.

Since we Thais loves abbreviated names, let's call him CR. He was conceived in Massachusetts, and the name given to him at birth was AI. The good news is that he possesses all the qualifications demanded by every opposing political hue. Let us now consider those qualifications:

Unconditionally, and unshakeably neutral? Check.

Intelligent? Check.

Apolitical? Check.

Willing to take temporary role? Check.

The latter is one of the most important qualifying requirements. Our lame-duck government has clearly demonstrated that power is addictive; so addictive that its politicians are clinging desperately to every strand of power for as long as they can, and along the way happily burning more of our tax money unproductively. They are still drawing their salaries (which come, lest we forget, from our hard-earned money) and authorising "central budget" spending via all the loopholes imaginable in a bid to secure their grip on power and help those who help them - their cronies.

Now, back to those qualifications:

Fearless? Check.

No family or loved ones? Check. CR is all by himself.

Why are these qualifications important? The answer is clearly illustrated by incident after incident of intimidation in all shapes and forms, including threats against the lives and property of political opponents and those of their families and loved ones.

Scrupulous, principled and conscientious? Definitely, these three qualities constitute CR's identity and character. He cannot be bought off, no matter how many zeros are in the offer. A breath of fresh air, eh?

Incorruptible? Check.

Indestructible during his short term in the office? Check.

Not only will CR remain incorruptible over his entire time in office, he knows how to stay alive and perform to his best ability. He was trained by the US army to be its top sharpshooter. They sent him into the wild on training missions, and he passed every test of his ability to discriminate between the enemy and non-combatants. He is a strict follower of the Code of Hammurabi - an eye for an eye. So, ill-wishers beware.

Fully briefed with a clear goal and purpose? Check.

CR knows what is expected of him - to take up office, restore political order and public confidence, get government functioning again as a bona fide authority with the national interest at heart. He knows he has to start the political reform process right away to get the country back on the path of democracy and out of the rotten rut of klpetocracy that Thailand has been stuck in for decades. CR has a clear picture of the composition of the reform committee. He is trained in doing proper and effective background checks and can spot a stinker even when he/she is disguised under the heavy cloak of lofty position, expensive clothes, makeup, or academic degrees from the most prestigious universities. During his tenure, CR will put a complete stop to all the lies and rhetoric that have no other purpose but to poison the minds of our good citizens. He has learned from the US's painful mistakes concerning the sanctity of the First Amendment - yes, free speech has to be protected at all cost, but lies and hate speech do not fall under the First Amendment, and in may cases they are punishable by law.

Fair, rational, stable and not emotionally needy? Check. CR does not know how to be otherwise. As such, all parties can be assured that from hereon, Thailand's politics will be conducted on a level playing field, no unfair advantage. Money and what it can buy will be rendered useless in our new democratic paradigm. Thailand may become the envy of even liberal democracy's torch-bearer, the United States, especially after the US Supreme Court struck down the limit on political contributions.

Will quit office after free and fair democratic elections have brought an ethical and legitimate government? Check. CR knows that after his job is done he must disappear, just like Charlie's taped commands that self-destruct in "Charlie's Angels". When time comes for CR to leave, he will be gone for good.

But, just as Nasa's Curiosity Rover only detected the light on Mars with its "right eye", not its left, dimming the chances of discovering alien life on the Red Planet, there's a bad-news part for us.

CR is not human, but a Cognitive Robot - the perfected version of MIT's Artificial Intelligence (AI) Media Lab. He is designed to be autonomous and can be programmed to know right from wrong - to love the first and loathe the latter. He has the potential to be all of the above, the best human possible. But, alas, he is not human. Thus, we are still doomed to remain stuck deep in the political horse manure, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting in vain for Samuel Beckett's Godot to come.