Setting Relationship Goals

In order for a relationship to be satisfying, those involved must set clear goals for it.

Most people go into relationships with a vague idea of what they want out of it. When pressed, they often are unable to specify their goals for the relationship in the long term.

Goals can be stated or written, but they should be agreed upon by the partners at the beginning of the relationship.

Relationship goals sometimes are dictated by behavior. However, for a relationship to work, the goals stated should be only those on which both partners can agree.

The relationship goal should be kept in a safe place and reviewed annually as our needs tend to change annually. During the annual review the goals can be modified, and the objectives to be achieved for the next year can be identified.

Relationship goals should be long term, but they should be general enough to give the partners enough latitude to be satisfying and easy to achieve. Annual objectives based on these goals can be more specific and short term, motivating the partners to successfully achieving them within the year.

Relationship goals should be developed to cover key issues involved in the relationship, but they can cover any area of human behavior. In order to best know how and what goals need to be set, you have to ask yourself a variety of questions to get to know yourself and your partner. Here is a little quiz...

Relationship Goal Setting Quiz

1. How can we best nurture our support for one another?

2. How will we communicate with one another on a daily basis?

3. How dependent will we be toward one another and is it healthy?

4. How can we give our mutual intimacy a boost in the relationship?

5. How long do we intend our relationship to last? For example, do we want to get married?

6. How will we ensure that we respect each other's rights in this relationship?

7. How will we help one another "grow'' in this relationship?

8. How can we keep the fun in our relationship?

9. How will we include others in our relationship without losing our support for one another?

10. How should or will we approach problems in our relationship?

11. How will we solve problems?

12. How are we going to handle differences of opinion?

13. How will we handle irritation with one another and is it worth the effort?

14. How are we going to handle fights and bring them to a healthy resolution?

15. At what point will we seek help for ourselves if our fighting gets out of hand? Or will we even bother? For example will we seek counseling together?

16. Will we agree to disagree?

17. How can we ensure mutual growth in this relationship?

18. How open are we to taking joint and individual responsibility for our relationship?

19. How can we ensure that our individuality doesn’t get lost in this relationship?

20. How open are we to being assertive in our relationship?

21. How can we use our unique, individual personalities to help each other and our relationship to grow?

22. What steps will we take if one or both of us begins to feel smothered by the relationship?

23. What steps are we willing to take if one or both of us has the need for mental health assistance?

24. How are we going to promote each other's physical health and will we be supportive of each other?

25. What steps can we take to handle jealousy, a sense of competition, or resentment toward one another?

26. How are we going to make time to do all the things we want to do?

27. How are we going to arrange our schedules so that we can pursue our unique, individual interests and still spend quality time together?

28. How free are we to pursue our distinct interests and friends?

29. How committed are we to setting up long range relationship goals and short range objectives to reach those goals?

30. How committed are we to setting up times in which we can nourish one another and keep our relationship on track?

31. How can we structure ways to get the "required'' relationship maintenance tasks?

32. How can we delegate the maintenance tasks so that neither of us feels that we are doing too much?

33. What place will religion, hobbies, sports, and outside interests have in our relationship?

34. How important are those things to our relationship?

35. Can we nurture our differences?

I know that this sounds like a lot of questions. But seriously, if we are all realistic, all of these questions matter. If you cannot honestly take this little quiz seriously, how can you expect to take the relationship seriously?

How to Score:

For every same answer, give yourselves 1 point, and for every different answer, take 1 point away.

If you and your partner score below 17, that doesn’t mean that you should break up, it just means that you both have to sit down and decide on your personal relationship goals together and form a compromise that you can both agree with.

All relationships require compromise by both parties if it is going to succeed. You just need to re-evaluate what your goals are going to be.

If you and your partner scored above 17, it simply means that you are on the right track and are likely looking to get the same things out of the relationship.

You will still have to compromise a bit (you are human) to keep the relationship going, but you are heading in the right direction.

What you need to realize is that setting relationship goals is best when both parties are involved in the process. If only one is working for the betterment of the relationship, it is doomed to fail anyway because one partner will always feel overworked in the relationship.

Setting relationship goals is no different from setting up any other type of goal. The largest difference is that you generally have to set your goals with the other person involved.

Setting relationship goals work for all types of relationships; be they friendships, family relationships, colleagues or partners.

You can try to set the goals and work on them yourself, but it will be very difficult and quite unsatisfying. That is why the key to setting relationship goals is to have the full co-operation and support of those whose relationships you would like to get the most out of.

Other than that, you can simply follow the steps by method of achieving your goals as is mentioned in the previous section entitled, "How to set goals effectively".