Song Title Challenge #46: Every Sperm is Sacred – Monty Python

It’s time for this week’s Song Title Challenge.

Write a short piece of fiction, around 300 words, using the song title as your story title but don’t listen to the song. You can pick your own genre or use the one suggested to me. Remember to link back to this post so I can find yours.

If you would like to suggest a song title for a future post, you can do so from the challenge page. You can also leave a suggestion on the Facebook page.

This week’s song is Every Sperm is Sacred by Monty Python from their film, The Meaning of Life. Thanks to bumblepuppiesfor the suggestion. The genre is Romance.

Advisory: For my own peace of mind I’m flagging this one for mature content, knowing even as I do so that most ten-year-olds would probably consider it a bit tame. So more for the sake of my older readers then 😉

Every Sperm is Sacred

Bridget squirmed. It felt like Jamie was trying to chew through her neck and she was sure his hands would be imprinted on her breasts tomorrow, but right now it didn’t matter. What mattered was that she was finally going lose her virginity. And to Jamie. He’d been so patient with her, backing off every time she got uncomfortable. But tonight she was going to give him everything.

Jaimie shifted his weight and Bridget felt the bulge in his shorts press against her thigh. She gasped. He pulled back. “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

“No,” said Bridget. “You didn’t hurt me. I was wondering…do you want to?”

He frowned. “Do I want to what?”

“You know, do it,” she said, feeling her cheeks flush.

Jamie’s eyes widened. “Oh. Are you sure?”

Bridget bit her lip and nodded. Her heart beat in her throat and she struggled to keep her limbs from shaking as Jamie moved over her, fumbling with his shorts. “There are condoms in the night stand,” she said.

Jamie froze. “Why do you want me to wear one of those things?” He sat back. “Don’t you love me?”

“Of course I do.” This wasn’t going as she’d thought it would. “I just don’t want to get pregnant, that’s all.”

“Come on, Bridget, everyone knows you can’t get pregnant your first time. This is your first time, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but…”

“Besides, Father Thomas said every sperm is sacred. Using those things is against the will of God.”

He moved in again, but Bridget pushed him back. “Jamie, I don’t think…”

“God, Bridget! Why do you have to spoil it? You’re such a bitch?”

“Jamie…”

“Forget it.” He hopped off the bed, grabbed his clothes and stormed out the door.

Bridget stared after him, her eyes welling up. What did I do wrong? she thought.

For those of you unfamiliar with Monty Python, they tend to go out of their way to offend people and this sketch and song is a prime example. You’ve been warned. (P.S. I can’t find the clip that immediately precedes the song. It actually helps to understand the satire in the song better, so that’s really a shame.)