At one wedding reception we went to, the bartender put out a tip jar. As we were paying the bar bill, we told her to put it away. We tipped her well at the end, which was our responsibility. I think pop and beer were free, the guests paid for mixed drinks. We tipped for the whole bill.

Slight hijack -- When we were hiring for servers for our wedding reception, I remember the hall manager recommending his friends and said that they would definitely be putting out a tip jar (we weren't asked if it would be okay; we were told it would be there, which I 100% wasn't okay with -- neither being told there would be a tip jar nor the idea of a tip jar, period, indicating to our guests that they need to chip in to pay our servers). Fortunately, his friends were flakes so they didn't work out (DH couldn't get them to return his calls). I asked one of my culinary instructors who told me that it was absolutely not okay for tip jars to be out but that I should tip the servers on top of what we paid them (which we were totally okay with, especially since the servers we hired -- who were fellow culinary students -- were AMAZING).

Back to the thread -- so not cool to expect your guests to tip your staff when you are the one hosting the dinner party (the chef counts as staff since the hostess hired her).

I think the hostess was way out of line. I would have replied "I don't have any cash, as I didn't expect to be spending any money this evening." And I would have discreetly requested that DH keep his wallet in his pocket as he generally does carry cash. On principle, I wouldn't have given a tip. And I don't think I'd accept any more "invitations" from this friend. We'd meet at neutral locations in the future where we would both pay our own way.

Very poor etiquette indeed! Unfortunately though, I think it's a sign of the times. I've read more and more posts here about folks going to parties and then getting hit up for money. To me, it is the host's responsibility to cover all costs of their party. To ask guests to contribute is classless and extremely awkward for the guests.

I've been on this site long enough to know that rudeness is not restricted to a particular region. The posts on this thread all seem to be in agreement that it's a rude thing to do, and the OP who is questioning it is from the same place as the hostess. I see it as aberrant behavior, not something common to one region.

If you have enough money to hire a professional chef/caterer, you have enough money to take care of ALL the expenses. Including the tip.

It's not a "regional thing," in my opinion, because few people in any region entertain by bringing in professional staff. However, I think it is an outgrowth of the idea that you can entertain to a level you can't afford yourself by asking your guests to cover the costs, while you get the acclaim for the "fantastic party".

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Tacky, tacky, tacky. I am betting that the only reason anyone gave him $20 was because that was the only bill they had in their wallets and they were too stunned to try to make change.

I also HATE any service where you pay for a ticket and no mention is made anywhere of tips. Not on the website, not when you buy a ticket, nowhere. But at the end they brazenly ask for tips. And I am not talking about dinners, I expect to tip servers when I go out to dinner. I'm talking about other events where there are employees, presumably making more than $2.17 per hour, but at the end of the "event", someone gets on a mic and says please tip our wonderful employees if you enjoyed this event and they have someone holding a hat on the way out, so everyone can see if you do or you don't. I hate that. Just tell me the REAL cost of the event UPFRONT. I will pay it or not go, but don't spring it on me like that. I also don't carry cash, ever.

Once I was invited to a "chocolate and movie" night at a friend's house. It was a cute idea, and there was some chocolate fondue and fruit/cake to dip. And a large prominent jar with a "contributions for chocolate" note on it. Really? If you can't afford to host people for dessert only, you really shouldn't be hosting. I am totally ok with "let's all chip in" on any event as long as it's upfront and everyone wants to do it. But don't pretend to host only to play broke later. Don't make me feel guilty for not bringing money for chocolate, I had no way of knowing it would be something you would expect money for.