*In the background you can hear Steve's wife yelling at him to hang up the damn phone.*

Shaq: ...

Shaq: "It's Shaq."

Nash: "Oh, hi Shaq. What's up?"

Shaq: "Nothing. Just calling to let you know your first MVP is still tainted you dumb mothafu-"

*click*

Marc Stein (who was sitting across the table from Steve the whole time): "What did Shaq want?"

Nash: "Just to let me know he won't let us down..."

Now on to Worst of the Night.

Miami Heat: Six straight defeats; 21 losses in their last 22 games; nine wins on the season. Seriously, who thought that Antoine Walker would end up feeling lucky he was traded to the Timberwolves? Bonus stats: Miami shot 36 percent and committed 18 turnovers last night.

Dwyane Wade: He played gamely last night -- 19 points, 6 rebounds, 9 assists -- but he shot 5-for-17, committed 6 turnovers, and couldn't prevent the Heat from getting blown out by what was, at the time, a 19-win team. I think Pookie is a tough, courageous, talented player, but this season has been Exhibit A in the Case of Wade Not Being In The Class of Lebron and Kobe. I know there are rumors he's not fully recovered from shoulder surgery, and I also know he's stuck on a bad team full of lousy teammates. But there have been times this season -- and last night was one of them -- where it seemed like his will was broken. I just don't see the same level of kill-himself-to-win-ness in Wade that I see in King and the Mamba. Not right now, anyway.

Yahoo box scores:According to Yahoo, the Heat and Sixers each scored zero points in the second quarter of last night's game. Then, in the third, Miami exploded for 48 points while Philly had 45. I haven't checked any other sources because I'm lazy, but I have a pretty strong feeling that's not right.

Tracy McGrady: T-Mac spent most of the Rocket's game against the Cavaliers trying desperately not to toss his cookies. Flu-like symptons? Suuuuuuure. McGrady finished with 8 points on 3-for-11 shooting. And he did not take good shots.

Aaron Brooks: Somebody needs to tell Brooks that, if he wants to break into Rick Adelman's rotation, shooting 1-for-8 on national television ain't gonna get it done. But hey, at least he's a former college All-American. Oh, and he has 2.7 percent body fat, so he's got that going for him.

Lebron's supporting cast: Sasha Pavlovic? Out (sprained left foot). Anderson Varejao? Out (sprained left ankle). Drew Gooden? Out (chronic masturbation). Then Boobie Gibson left in the fourth quarter with a strained right hamstring. This is the part where the other guys step up, right? Wrong-o. Larry Hughes shot 6-for-16, Zydrunas "I can't believe they left me off the All-Star team" Ilgauskas shot 4-for-11, Donyell Marshall was 2-for-7, Damon Jones hit 3-for-7, Ira New...you know what? They all sucked. Although special mention goes to...

Eric Snow: You know Mike Brown is scraping the bottom of his bench when he pulls the Snowman out of mothballs. Snow responded in typical fashion by scoring a cool one trillion. Kudos to Shannon Brown and Cedric Simmons for each missing a shot and thus ensuring that they didn't team up with Snow for the vaunted triple trillion.

Golden State Warriors: The Warriors are the worst defensive team in the league. I know it. You know it. Don Nelson knows it. Hell, your grandma probably knows it. But even accepting that fact, last night's debacle against the Bulls was beyond terrible. Chicago was without three of their top four scorers (Ben Gordon, Luol Deng, and Kirk Hinrich) and was playing the second of back-to-back road games against probable Western Conference playoff teams. Meanwhile, the Warriors were coming off of five days of rest and relaxation. Shoulda been a gimmie, right? Oh, hell no. Instead of sticking it to a bad team, the G-Staters watched as Chris Duhon's jumper arose from it's shallow grave as C-Du hit 11-for-16 and scored a career-high 34 points. To put that into perspective, Duhon is shooting 36 percent and hadn't scored more than 13 points all season. Meanwhile, the ancient Joe Smith knocked in 27 on 7-for-11 shooting. Overall, the Bullies hit on 56 percent of their shot attempts (36-for-77) and scored 114 points. Hand in the face. Hand in the face!

Baron Davis: It was pretty obvious that B-Diddy was having trouble getting his shots off against the long-armed defense of Thabo Sefolosha. But, of course, that didn't stop Boom Dizzle from chucking them up with little or no remorse en route to an 8-for-24 shooting night (including 2-for-10 on threes).

Chris Webber: Quick! Call timeout on the Webber comeback! Oh, sorry, there aren't any timeouts left. C-Webb returned to the Golden State lineup with a rattle and a thump, scoring 4 points (2-for-5), grabbing a rebound, and dishing out a couple assists in 12 minutes of creaking action. Hey, maybe he'll work himself into shape in a few games. Maybe.

Ben Wallace: Big Ben actually played pretty well: 10 points (5-for-7) and 8 rebounds. However, he went 0-for-7 from the foul line, including one particularly uuuuugly airball.

As a huge wade fan I will admit it. LeBron is a monster, and the best in the league right now. He always had that genetic lottery thing going, but now he is developing the mentality of a killer. He is better than Wade, and this year Wade isn't in his class. Now, on a side note, this isn't the end for Wade, but this isn't his year. Only time will tell.

I tried to post the other day but for some reason it never made it up. I want to go on the basketbawful record as stating, that if Nash can make Shaw look good, then he really is the wizard we all thought he was.

brad - I don't think Wade is "finished" by any stretch of the imagination. He's still a fantastic player. He just doesn't have that same insane "I MUST WIN" mentality that Lebron has, or Jordan had, or Bird had, etc.

Again, some of that might be the lingering effects of the shoulder injury/surgery. But still, in the same situation, Jordan probably would have dropped a couple 60 point games by now.

What? The Suns signed Brian Shaw too??! I'll assume that was a typo. ;)

I think Shaq is going to have a rival in The Valley. And when I'm at the Suns' 2008 championship rally, I will think back on the basketbawful record and remember your words, and give Steve Nash "Outstandings" in all his N.E.W.T.'s.

It looks like Shawn Marion is taking the high road as far as comments on being traded to the worst team in the NBA. Me? I'd be outside Sarver's house right now with a ski mask on, an Agent 47 barcode tatoo on my neck and some piano wire in my hands.

flohtingpoint - I think Shawn would have more of a legitimate beef if he'd always been the brave, selfless soldier. But he's consistently complained about his role behind the scenes (as chronicled in "7 Seconds Or Less," he made those "I'd be happy being The Man on a team that wasn't as good" comments to ESPN The Magazine, and he not only demanded a trade this summer, he openly pined for a one-way ticket to Lakerland. What, you're unhappy being the highest-paid player on one of the league's best teams, so you want to go to our most hated rival?

While I agree that it would have been nice had the Suns handled the trade better, and shown a little more courtesy to Shawn for all his blood, sweat, and tears over the years, his words and actions pretty much guaranteed that things would end, if not badly, then at the very least not well.

Dead on. What could he possibly say? Huge contract, great fan support, handful of all-star spots, great record with great teammates, good numbers.....he made his own bed. He knows, and he knows that we know he said some stupid things this off season, and also ruined a good thing for us (KG), not completely, but at least partially out of spite.

Any rude or disrespectful comment from him would only hurt HIM...he's smart to walk away and save most of our respect for him.

Even after all that, I will still cheer him when he steps on our floor. I can't say that I would had he tried to say disrespectful things on his way out.

Starang, well put. Marion still holds a special place in my heart to, due to the fact he holds like 5 of the suns records. Feel kinda bad for him that he will never make another all-star team, but hey, can't make everyone happy.

"Oh, sorry, there aren't any timeouts left." Easy joke, but one that still made me laugh out loud.

Also: how is it possible for a professional basketball player, earning above 10 million dollars a year to airball a motherdunking free throw? How?!?

I'm the most uncoordinated person in the universe. I have Stephen Hawking-level athletical ability. And still I haven't airballed a free throw since I was, like, 6 years old. Holy Virgin Mary how is it that you can't even hit the rim?

Oh, I totally agree, the fact that he was traded shouldn't have left a bad taste in Shawn's mouth, but the fact that they threw him to the wolves in Miami might give him a bit of a reason. Yes, his disgruntled nature was well documented as being near New England Patriot levels, in terms of "I get no respect" blah blah blah, but I'm sure if I was in his shoes I'd feel like I'd been done dirty by being booted to the worst team in the league.

BUUUUUT, Phoenix also has a recent history of throwing people to terrible teams.