Freshmen look to build new relationships in high school

Kelsey Sweeney, freshman at Menchville High School

Joe Fudge, Daily Press

Kelsey Sweeney, 14, shown in front of her first period classroom at Menchville High School, is part of the Freshman Year Series. She talks about her transition to high school and her first week of high school in Newport News.

Kelsey Sweeney, 14, shown in front of her first period classroom at Menchville High School, is part of the Freshman Year Series. She talks about her transition to high school and her first week of high school in Newport News. (Joe Fudge, Daily Press)

"They're new to the school and they want to stay connected with their friends from middle school, but they also want to branch out and build new friendships with the new people they meet," said Susan Tilley, principal at Woodside High School in Newport News. "They're trying to figure out where they stand in this big group of people."

Dr. Richard Mason, a counselor at Oasis Counseling Center said freshmen, who are in their early teenage years, are moving into the age of acceptance so it's important for them to be liked by their peers.

"It's normal because we all want to be accepted and have friends," Mason said. "At this point in their lives, teenagers are trying to build their own social network of friends."

However, the desire to be accepted by their peers can cause some students to hang out with the wrong crowd, Mason said.

Beck said a close friend from middle school started using drugs to fit in with a new group of friends in high school.

"He turned into something he didn't need to be so I stopped hanging out with him for a while," Beck said. "He's trying to get off drugs now, so I talk to him a little more."

School officials say they encourage freshmen to build healthy relationships by participating in school clubs and activities.

Tilley said Woodside starts working with students when they are in eighth grade, encouraging them to participate in clubs and activities once they enter high school as a way to help ninth-graders find classmates with similar interests.

Kecoughtan High School freshman Andrew Green has had success with meeting friends through after-school activities.

"I've made more friends in high school," he said. "And it's different because that's just sort of a stronger relationship when you have all these extracurriculars together."

Now that he's on the cross-country team and in junior ROTC, Green said he sees the same friends before school, during school and after school, so he's gotten to know them and trust them better than he did friends in middle school. He also has a wider variety of friends, Green said.

In addition to promoting extracurricular activities, Warhill High School also offers a mentoring program, which matches freshmen with upperclassmen and faculty members they can lean on for support during their first year of high school, said Virginia Owens, student support specialist at the school.

"The whole cadence of high school is different and sometimes you need a person to say, 'it's ok I've been there,'" Owens said.

For many freshmen, making new friends has been easy.

Hampton High freshman Shalia Knight said she's changed her attitude toward friendships since entering high school by letting her guard down.

"My friendships are much closer now," Knight said. "One of the things I learned to do going into high school is to trust people more. And I call a lot more people my friends."

Most of her friends are completely different, she said: Some are quiet, others loud; many are talented, whether with singing, dancing or art, and all of them are smart, honest and trustworthy.

For Kelsey Sweeney, a freshman at Menchville High School, the transition to high school has been mostly positive for her relationships with both female and male friends and she has had opportunities to get closer to some fellow students. But there have been losses, too.

"Most of the people from my middle school have gone to Menchville, so I'm still pretty close with some of them," Sweeney said. "Some of them I don't get to see very often anymore, and some I've become closer with because I have the same classes with them."

Beck said he's grown apart from some his friends because they now have different interests, but he doesn't see that happening with Sink.

"We like the same things: fishing, video games and girls," he said.

As for girls, Beck is moving into the dating scene in high school. He's had two girlfriends so far this year, including the one he's currently dating.

As far as relationships, Green said he dated a girl for about a week and a half when it ended without much explanation. The concept of dating is "more mature" in high school, he said.

"It used to be like 'Oh I like you, this is cool, I guess we'll go out,'" Green said. "Now it's more like you think about what kind of person you really get along with best."

Middle school dating didn't involve actually going out, Green said. It was more of saying you were dating someone while you were in school, but not really seeing them outside of school.

Knight said she's avoiding the dating scene for now to focus on school.

Freshmen will move into the dating scene when they are ready, said counselor Mason.

"Some teenagers bloom earlier than others. It just depends on the environment," he said. "Some students might have started dating in eighth grade. Others might wait until they in 10th grade or later."