why your world revolves around your childhood wounds

why your world revolves around your childhood wounds

Motivation is a complex drive. The question "what motivates a human being" can only be correctly answered when you first understand that more than one motivating force can motivate the same person.

One of the most powerful motivating forces that can motivate a person is the presence of a psychological wound. No matter how balanced a person is or how careful his parents were while raising him there will always be a good chance that he develops a psychological wounds while growing up. (see also How parents affect child development

Psychological wounds don't just make people sensitive to certain types of criticism but they can sometimes become the center of the person's life and the primary motivating force that fuels his actions.

How psychological wounds affect's a person's life

"What do you mean!!"

That was the response of Brian who was totally annoyed by a comment that was said by one of his friends. When the friend said "Its OK, you don't have to come with us if you don't want" Brian felt really annoyed and kept questing the intentions of his friend.

When Brian was young he always felt that his parents didn't love him that much. This problem developed because the way Brian believed others should treat him with if they loved him differed from the way his parents used to express their love to him. (see Does time really heal wounds?)

This psychological wound rested in Brain's subconscious mind and kept growing with him while affecting many of the actions he takes in life.

Here is how that wound affected brain's life:

Affected his perception of criticism: Brain's friend wasn't sure if he preferred to be with them that day and that's why he asked him that question. Brain, on the other hand, interpreted the question incorrectly because of his already existing wound. He thought that his friends didn't like him that much and that they didn't want him to spend the day with them! (see also Why criticism hurts)

Affected his Behavior: Brain was always afraid to repeat the same past again and that's why he always did his best to win the love of others even if the cost was sacrificing his own rights. Brain was never assertive, he said yes to anyone and never dared to say no! (see Unmet needs psychology)

It affected his relationships and love life: I have said earlier in my article Love psychology that people fall in love with others when they match their subconscious criteria. For Brian, the only important criteria was being loved even if the person who loved him was not good for him! Because he was wounded long ago and deprived of love he started getting attached to whomever shows him that he loves him (see also How to not get attached to a person)

Fears and psychological wounds

Yours fears will always be connected to your psychological wounds. People become afraid when they find that one of their wounds is about to get exposed or when they find that the same bad past they have been through is about to repeat itself. (see How fear affects people's lives)

This is why a person who always felt unworthy when he was a child hates to be seen wearing average looking clothes or driving an average car. These events remind that person of his old wound and that's why he fears them.

Fear can be a powerful motivating force and at the core of this fear you might find a psychological wound that the person developed in his childhood.

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