Thursday, April 27, 2017

American Churches Dispensing With Tradition

Churches across America are removing their denominations from
their signage and advertising, and many are also dispensing with the word
“church” itself. For example, Trinity Baptist Church in Maplewood, Minnesota
has now become simply “Lifepoint.” Maple Grove (Minnesota) Evangelical Free
Church just morphed into “The Grove.” Bethel (also Minnesota) Assembly Of God
church is now “Bethel’s Rock.” The First Lutheran Church in White Bear Lake
(yes, Minnesota again) now self-identifies as the “Community of Grace.” As
Saturday Night Live’s ‘church lady’ might have said, “Well, isn’t that
special.”

Churches
have taken a cue from the business world, and are rapidly “re-branding” in an
attempt to attract new customers congregants, be more inclusive, and
cast off any appearance of old-fashioned fuddy-duddyness. Many religious
leaders aver that the majority of younger people don’t have a clue as to the
difference between a Baptist and a Lutheran, for example, and are “suspicious” of
any terms that may be perceived as in any way exclusionary. In point-of-fact,
an Arizona marketing firm recently found that churches with denominational
names were nearly three times more likely to be seen as outdated and rigid. Almost two-thirds of Baptist churches in
Minnesota and Iowa no longer have the word “Baptist” on their doors, according
to the executive minister at “Converge North Central,” previously known as the
Baptist General Conference, reports the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.

There
may be more than one reason these new names sound like nightclubs or condo
developments: apparently, some church leaders have asked local developers what
other names they had considered, since they did the market research, stated the
director of church expansion for Converge North Central. He added, “You want a
name you can turn into a verb or noun. And you want a web domain available for
it,” according to the Star-Tribune.

As
someone once said, “The times, they are-a-changing.”

“Welcome,
all, to The Sanctuary, an all-inclusive spiritual center for those wishing to
worship without being the victim of behavioral restraints or systemic white
privilege. I have some exciting news for all of you, next Sunday we will be celebrating Prince via our ‘Purple Reign
campaign for tolerance!’ The Prince of Peace had nothing on this guy, am I
right? What a singular artist! We will be hearing some of his classic songs
like Do Me Baby, Pussy Control, Asswhuppin’ in a Trunk, F-ck D Press, Horny
Pony, Mad Sex, Me Touch Myself, Orgasm, Vagina and We Can F-ck. Damn straight!

“And, the following Sunday is Transgender Variety
Day, sponsored by Heinz™! We’ll be
consecrating the 57 or so different genders that we all now acknowledge exist
in Christendom. All transgenders attending will receive, on a pro-rata basis,
100% of the proceeds from that service’s offering plates!

“One
last thing before today’s sermon, ‘Why Trump Will Burn in Hell,’: remember,
there will be a special program at The Sanctuary Wednesday evening, downstairs
in the cafeteria. It is titled ‘Sharia Law: Friend, Not Foe.’ I know, right? So great! And now for the welcoming,
inclusive, tolerant sermon. Oh, and go Vikings!”

Daily Trivia Quiz Answer

Today's Answer: Andrew Jackson. ("Poll" got so worked up before the service he apparently had to be removed from the premises, as he was cussing long and loud).

Q) What words appear on the front of the penny, nickel, dime and quarter, alongside the likeness of presidents?

A) "Liberty" and "In God We Trust"

An Ode To Life

Appreciate all you have, as it- and you- will soon be gone. Leave no heartfelt words unspoken, no sweet gesture incomplete, no act of love undone. Love your spouse with passion and abandon, your kids with patience and understanding but also a firm guidance. Love also the truth, no matter how hard. If pursued by enough people with enough courage, it really will set us free.

And don't forget, we didn't ask to be born. We didn't create ourselves. We are not gods. There is a higher power.

Fireworks of the Mind

Write It Up

Whence Shall Come Another?

True Then, True Now

"If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory is sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves."- Winston Churchill

Time Well Wasted

The power lies within your hands To do with what you may But the hourglass is filled with sands Of endless yesterdays