Friday, October 28, 2005

Candy, Evil Candy

On a recent shopping trip, I stopped in the candy aisle and stared at all the bags of individually wrapped candies piled high in preparation for Halloween. Here are the questions that ran through my head as my overactive sweet tooth screamed to be heard.

* Do I buy a couple of bags in case we have trick-or-treaters or do I move out of this cellulite-inducing aisle and make sure we're not home or just don't answer the door on Halloween?

* If I buy the candy, where do I hide it so my husband doesn't eat it all the Snickers and I'm not tempted to consume my fair share of 3 Musketeers?

* If I buy candy, do I deliberately buy kinds we don't like so we're not inhaling the leftovers in the early days of November?

* Why did we buy a house anyway? I didn't have this dilemma when we lived in an apartment because no kids ever came to the door. Oh yeah, we hated paying rent and gaining no equity.

I caved and bought the candy, though I compromised and only tossed two bags into the cart. Alas, they're kinds we like, the aforementioned Snickers (hubby) and 3 Musketeers (moi). I brought it home along with the other exciting purchases like tissues and and detergent. And like a good little girl, I hid the candy in the closet in my office. But the siren song must be strong (that or my husband knows me too well). While I'm at the computer working one night, he comes wandering in and asks, "Did you get any candy at the store?" Okay, at least he's aware enough that Halloween is around the corner. Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked the question because I never buy candy. Not that I don't love it, I just don't want to weigh as much as our pickup truck.

For a moment, I tried to play dumb. But after thirteen years of marriage, he saw right through that feeble attempt and I dragged out the hidden candy. And you know what the annoying part of this story is? To my knowledge, he hasn't been coming back in here and sneaking candy. Most of the Snickers are still there. The 3 Musketeers, however, are disappearing. Well, not really disappearing. I'm fairly certain that if I stood in front of the mirror, there would be all these individually wrapped candy-sized lumps attached to my stomach and hips. Sigh. Maybe I should take the remaining candy to my neighbor's house and have him hold it hostage until Halloween. Or maybe I should have more willpower and not buy any next year and plan a vacation during Halloween.

Guys, just eat the candy. (To paraphrase the mom in "Real Women Have Curves": Eat the flan.)

Halloween only comes once a year. Why deny yourselves the pleasure? Trish, I can hardly believe you waited this long to buy any. I bought ours in September, as soon as the Halloween aisles popped up at the supermarket. (Oh joy! Oh joy! The candy aisle season -- Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter -- has started!! *happy dance*) All right, admittedly I'm a food pusher, but that's because, if I deny myself something, I'll just end up eating twice as much later.

And if you're distressed by the blatantly disappearing Three Musketeers bag, here's a Halloween tip for you. (Also good for Christmas candy, etc.)

Pour all your candy in a big bowl. Then buy more bags to keep in reserve. Every time the bowl starts to look as if it's going down, pour more candy in. And voila! You haven't eaten a thing!

Trish, pish posh. I've seen your skinny self, and there's no way a bag of candy (or five) would ever hurt you.

And Mary -- is it the ready-to-bake Nestle brownies you're talking about? Might have to try those out. I'm a Reese's and Milky Way lover, too. The best way to eat Milky Ways, in my experience, is to dip them in peanut butter. Yum. Also I hear that they deep-fat-fry Mars bars in Europe. I haven't tried that, but I sure would like to. Then I'd dip it in peanut butter. *grin* Yup, it's always low-fat night at my house.

Trish, I just got back from the grocery store, where I spent about $20 for candy - two bags for my kids at school (have you seen the Palmers chocolate in body-parts form?), two bags for trick-or-treaters (we don't have that many) and 3 bags for us! Reeses, Hersheys and peanut BUTTER M&Ms. MY favorite.

Luckily my current ailment limits my interest in candy, though I did eat one Reese's Cup. I bought a pumpkin pie to take to a party last night and nobody ate it so now it's sitting on the counter calling my name in gooey tones. THAT, I can get (on my) behind.

I'm going to buy another pie as soon as this one's gone and at the next dr. appt I will NOT have lost weight. They will be so proud....the FIRST two times *heh*.

WetNoodlePosse.com
is about women connecting and sharing, offering support, encouragement,
information, a recommendation—or just a good belly laugh.

The opinions expressed in individual posts are those of the author,
not necessarily those of the entire Wet Noodle Posse. Copyright
of any entry belongs to the author. Entries may not be reproduced
without credit and permission.