healthy food. inappropriate language. zero fucks given.

Menu

Whipped Kiwi & Mango Layers

What happens when a mango, a banana and a kiwi have a three-way, while coconut yoghurt stands by, panting, cheering and clapping? Dangle in a couple of macadamia nuts, and: awesomeness, that’s what happens. Rather than loitering on the sidelines like perverts, potassium, magnesium, Vitamin A, C and E all get in on the action too. They’re right in there. What if I told you some Omega-3 fatty acids heard about the erotic gathering and wanted an invitation? Don’t let the word ‘fatty’ put you off, these chia-seed sisters are alright. Be serious and give those sheilas the green light. What a nice little party we are getting! But, in a situation like this, you could understand one’s hindquarters being a smidge nervous. Things are heating up, and an anal rampage could be on the agenda. Don’t worry, little rump, this concoction will only result in things coming out of you. Factor in the yoghurt’s healthy bacteria, the magnesium and oodles of fibre, and you’ve got yourself a big ol’ shit brewing. Fantastic.

Now, is it a dessert or a breakfast? Completely your call. It’s bloody tasty enough to be a dessert, but it’s healthy and satisfying enough to qualify as a breakfast. It tastes like a holiday, and I don’t mean it tastes like refluxed alcohol mixed with a stranger’s spit – it tastes like a tropical dream. It feels so naughty, but it is oh so nice.

Ingredients:

– 1/2 cup mango

– 1 kiwifruit (I prefer the gold ones, but green is fine)

– 2 Medjool dates (fresh)

– 1 banana, sliced (you can omit this if you wish, but it’s a tasty addition)

– 1 tablespoon chia seeds

– 4 tablespoons coconut milk (this is to soak the seeds in, you can use water instead or normal milk)

– 1/2 teaspoon vanilla essence

– 1/2 cup coconut yoghurt

– little handful roasted macadamias

– 1 teaspoon desiccated coconut

– a wee drizzle of honey

Get Layin’:

– pop your little chia seeds into the coconut milk for a soaking. Let them enjoy that little bath for about 10 minutes. They’ll soak it up and get all gelatinous and weird

– Mr Blender, get out here. Bang the mango, kiwifruit, dates, vanilla and soaked chia seeds in there and give it a zoom

– when those ingredients are spent, chop up your macadamias and sprinkle them over the top, along with the petite portion of desiccated coconut. Finish that classy number off with a teeny drizzle of honey

– pop it in the fridge, the chia seeds will continue to draw in the fluid so that it firms up even more. It will be happy to go in a couple of hours, or sit overnight and wait for a breakfast rendezvous