When I was a kid spiders scared the bejeezus out of me. That fear is not nearly as bad as it was then. The only ones that bother be now are those HUGE, menacing, evil black ones that seem to never be in a web. I hate those damn things with a passion.

Before you belittle me because of an irrational fear please know this.
I fully appreciate how spiders fit into the grand scheme of things. Spiders are supposed to be like the unseen employees at Disney World. Like the guys who clean the toilets after one of those horny drunk dwarves upchucks half a bottle of Hood River vodka and then returns to entertain your children. As long as I do not see them all is good

One morning a while back I was getting my morning cup of coffee one of these evil arachnids attempted to kill me. There I was bleary eyed having waken from a wonderful nights slumber when the attack started.

I felt something on top of my foot and was confronted by one of the evil ones. The battle was on. Here is how I dealt with the "Bringer of Death".

1. drop coffee cup, scream like a 3rd grade girl, and shit self

2. take many deep breaths to regain composure

3. grab dish towel and move towards the beast

4. spider stops, and turns around as if to say "bring it on bitch".

5. shit self again

6. drop dish towel so it lands flat with the beast under the center of it

7. fall to knees and pound on dishtowel while screaming "DIE, DIE, DIE!"

I'm not mean enough to attach the photo of the huntsman spider behind the clock (hahaha, I know it's seared in your brains anyway!) but it has reminded me to print it off for a spider-shy colleague at work.

I don't really belong in this thread, but on the off chance there are any spiders reading this, I want them to know that some of us humans don't fear you. Some of us welcome you in our homes. Some of us are grateful for your bug-eating vigilance.

Thank you.

__________________Remember:

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. -- Marcus Aurelius, philosopher and writer (121-180)

Blame your fear of spiders on the cavemen and their ancestors. They learned to fear spiders or die. Eventually, it became hard wired into our DNA. It's instinct. The cavemen that weren't afraid of spiders got killed by the spiders and couldn't pass their fearless DNA along.

Embrace who you are. You are a human being, and you get heebed out by creepy crawlies because creepy crawlies can kill you.

Meh. Spiders in my house, not having been invited and paying no rent, deserve to die.

Thank you glatt, for your compassion.

I'd sooner face down the 24 robbers who came knocking at my door (along with the many other death-defying feats I've attempted...NAY, accomplished) than a spider, but spider lovers would paint me as the wimp.

So I say to you, I say "EFFF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU stupid spiders. Go to BigV's house. He wants to marry you and have like ten thousand of your babies."

__________________Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

I too HATE spiders. I had one jump on me while hiking in Hawaii. I screamed and beat it to death squishing its guts and whatnot all over my leg. The next day I had a couple impressive bruises to go with my nightmare that evening.

Oh yes, well I totally FREAK. I HATE spiders. I do a weird arm flailing, leg kicking dance every time I walk into a web. No matter if I am hiking or walking in the basement.
I HATE THE EFFERS!!!
I beat the crap out of myself killing a frikkin spider.

__________________"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

Oh, and I tell my family and friends: if you see something ON me, brush it off THEN look at me funny and tell me there was something on me. Whether it's a spider, a fly, a blade of grass, or really tiny hundred dollar bills, if you look oddly at say, my shoulder, like there's something there...I'm going to scream and cry and wail and really embarrass you.

How hard is it to deal with whatever it is and don't give me time to react until whatever it is is gone?

__________________Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.