Make Salt Lake City Great Again

Vice presidential candidate Mike Pence makes Utah stop.

Let’s imagine that the motorist on 600 South who yelled out Wednesday afternoon, “You’re all fuckin'

idiots,” did so because he made an erroneous assumption. That mob, he could have thought, is out of its mind—they’re staring intently at an opaque storefront. Nothing’s happening! But no; that guy’s words typify and sum up what we now call political discourse. Because if elections are nasty, this one is akin to putrid bile relegated to the darknet.

In other news, Republican nominee Donald Trump’s running-mate Mike Pence was in town.

This crowd outside Infinity Event Center was made up of the unlucky ticket-holders who were told once the venue hit capacity that they would have to stand outside and listen to Pence through the PA system. And so they did.

You can guess the gist of Pence’s monologue: Hillary Clinton will enfeeble America; Trump’s a badass (but, you know, the religious kind); she can’t be trusted; he’s endorsed by more military members. Stuff that at this stage in the game, supporters can say in their sleep. Pence also stopped off in Salt Lake City to let voters know that only two candidates stand a hope of winning the White House, so Utahns shouldn’t flush their vote by siding with this trendy Evan McMullin guy because that’ll only help Clinton.

People cheered now and again, and clapped, and propped up pro-Trump signs, and a few interjected with this or that, but mostly they listened. A majority were there to support the Republican nominee. But the overwhelming uniformity didn’t stop mini spats from cropping up.

Waving a “Make America Great Again” sign, Charlotte Mueller said she was accosted by a person she believes was a Clinton shill, and she’d seen loads of middle fingers—mostly women’s.

“I guess because I’m a woman and I’m for Donald Trump. I think Donald Trump is great,” she said, adding, “Anyone who is for Hillary is brain dead. They don’t love America.”

John Stromness, among the anti-Trump crowd, found shade behind a mask depicting Trump with a Hitler-style mustache. Nearby a protesting couple held a “Make America Gay Again” sign.

“I think he’s a scary man,” Stromness said. “I think he’s vastly unqualified to be president. I don’t think he’ll get any quality people in his administration.” He also heard crude heckles.

Michele Wilson, an eager Trump supporter, said she already knew the highlights in Pence’s speech, plus a bunch more. Ask her what she means, and she’ll take you down Clinton’s rabbit hole of awfulness that includes the hits and the deep cuts: Benghazi, deleted emails, Obamacare, Bill, something about a lesbian yacht soirée.

“Hillary Clinton will be death to our country,” she said. “Because she’s corrupt.”

She agreed, though, that the tenor this election cycle has cast an unfortunate shadow on the democratic process. Clinton should be behind bars, she noted.