Introduction – The Miracle in the Madness

Murder or Miracle?

I found a miracle in the madness of the most unlikely of trials. My Dad murdered four people in three different incidents over a 17-month period in the late 1980’s. He told me some of the details of his crimes, including describing exactly how he killed two of the victims. When he sensed I might betray him, Dad tried to make me an accessory to his crime by using me to help him destroy evidence. This was his insurance policy to keep me from going to the police.

For years I kept this experience a secret, and did not speak of it. Some say time heals all wounds, but this is an illusion at best. In reality, time does not create distance from our hurtful life experiences, it only distorts and intensifies the pain from them. The unresolved issues and grievances from our past become infected wounds hidden deep within us.

These types of experiences often cause great emotional, and physical pain. For me it resulted in paralyzing migraine headaches, chronic back pain, sleep apnea, irritable bowel syndrome, recurring nightmares, depression, and an addiction to pain medication. All of these ailments, I discovered, turned out to be the result of unresolved past grievances from my childhood and early adult life.

Today, miraculously, through the process outlined in this book, the impossible became possible, and all of these illnesses have been healed. The greatest reward, however, is not the healing itself. The discovery of the true cause of suffering, and the solution that leads to healing was the most valuable gift that I was given.

Much of society tells us not to look too closely at our pain or our fears. We are often taught to ignore them, move on, and hope that they will magically disappear. In essence, without realizing it, many of us are programmed to hope for, or expect a spiritual bypass. As much as some people would like to convince others that holding hands, praying and singing in church is where we will find the long-term peace that we are looking for, it is just not so.

Paradoxically, it was the darkest moments of my life experiences that were used to find, and experience the lasting happiness that I had been seeking. I found that every so-called difficulty, tragedy, or apparent setback in my life could be used as a springboard to a new-found freedom and inner peace.

Through the process of letting go, what appeared to be a liability was converted into an asset, and led to the discovery of spiritual truth. When properly understood, and processed, pain became the touchstone of my spiritual growth. It now seems that every difficulty can be a doorway to this inner peace. What I once believed to be fantasy, turned out to be truth that can be experienced at a deeply personal level by taking a few simple steps. Happiness, I discovered, is a choice.

Surprisingly, it was not in spite of my difficulties and suffering that I was able to find my freedom, but because of them. The process required a simple willingness to look directly at the madness that led me to the answers. This is the miracle that I found hidden, waiting in the madness, and forgiveness was literally the invitation that appeared to trigger this extraordinary response.

My story is not intended to convince those who are suffering that miracles of healing are available to all who seek them. The hope is to offer a ‘real life’ example of the remarkable change that resulted from this course of action that might inspire others who are suffering to give it a chance. In my case, having the humility to try this process with an open mind turned out to be the great healer of pain, as my misery and failure were transformed into priceless gifts.