ArtSlut

A&R Rep thinks the Red Hot Chili Peppers need more Heroin

Los Angeles, CA – With the departure of guitarist John Frusciante, a rep for the band’s label says he believes the group can carry on only if they agree to go back to using opiates. “Their best work is still in front of them.” says Warner Records agent Robert Peel. “We feel that the right amount of barbiturates combined with pure heroin can help produce at least three Top 10’s and possibly a decent ballad.” Peel added that a ‘Find the One Untapped Vein on Anthony Kiedis’ contest will help get the fans involved.