Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The older my daughter gets, the more I realize just how harsh this world is.

Maybe it's because something happened in me once I turned thirty. Maybe it was all in my head, or maybe it really is a phenomenon that many experience upon leaving their twenties...all of a sudden, I didn't care. I didn't care what the world said was beautiful or in, I was doing my own thing. I didn't care what people said about me, I was doing my own thing. It's really made life so much more enjoyable for me. In these past six or so months especially, I have discovered that it's not up to me to fix something (or someone) or make sure someone is happy with the choices I have made (or even explain them)...I have my God and I have my little family and I am happy as a clam. It doesn't mean that I don't value friendships and need those important people in my life...it just means that I have redefined the "important" in my life.

This phenomenon that I experienced when I said goodbye to my twenties has made my heart ache for my little girl even more...if only it wouldn't have taken me so long to discover who I am and be comfortable with that. My heart aches when I hear her criticize herself in any way...most recently her concern over "looking fat". That word is like nails on a chalk board to me...I hate that word. I especially hate it when it is coming out of the mouth of my precious baby girl as she uses it to describe how she looks in a pair of jeans.

After baby one and baby two did a number on this momma's body, I have been all about not letting myself go. I have worked hard to get myself back in to shape and along the way, fell in love with running. It's a lifestyle for me...an outlet...and has provided me with a sense of self and shown me just how strong I am. I am comfortable in my own skin and hope and pray I can teach my daughter by example.

I am learning though that I don't have to teach her to criticize her own body. This world is full of picture perfect women up on billboards, beautiful flawless faces on T.V., flat stomachs staring at you as you stand to check out at the grocery store....and she's been watching...but, this momma is not about to let my baby girl buy in to that...no mother should.

Just when I was ready to take drastic measures...and wondering if our countless conversations have been sinking in...I was pleasantly surprised to listen to a conversation she was having with a friend while they were working on a school project together in our kitchen.

Her project partner, a little boy who she's been in the same class with since they were in first grade, out of the blue said something about him being chubby and his belly being big...even boys can be self conscious. I wondered what my princess was going to do and waited, like a fly on the wall, not saying a word. He grabbed his stomach and shook it. My princess got up and went on to say that it was no big deal...everyone has that. She stood up and demonstrated how her thighs shake back and forth when she wiggles her legs. They laughed about it and went on making their school project together. Not only was she sympathetic, she was also able to bring light to a subject, pass it off as no big deal, and move on.

There are days where I feel as if I can do nothing right when it comes to raising my kids. My shortcomings and failures stare me right in the eyes and convince me that my kids will most definitely need therapy. But most often, there are moments like this one...that I am so proud of my children and wonder in the grace of God that he would entrust me with these three precious lives.

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About Me

Our little family has had quite the journey. In the past eleven years of marriage, we have seen the good and the bad. We've suffered losses and enjoyed God's blessings. It's taken me years to realize that life doesn't always look like a fairy tale...but, I am living my happily ever after with the love of my life and my three beautiful children. Here is where I write about my journey, my ups and downs, my family, and everything in between.