Hands together

THE Polish word for cheat is oszust, a translation which it might be worth Paul Scholes remembering should he happen to pick up a copy of the Warsaw Daily Worker in the next 12 or 13 years.

Since the Poles tend to have even longer memories than the British - not surprising after all they have suffered this century - they are likely to bear the grudge for at least as long as England's fans have resented Diego Maradona.

According to the yardstick with which we, as a nation, have belaboured the flawed little genius of the pampas since that World Cup quarter final in 1986, Scholes ought to have gone straight to the referee in the 21st minute at Wembley on Saturday, confessed to handball and asked for his and Scholes reacted exactly as any professional footballer would, such are the demands and pressures of the game today, and precisely as I would have expected. This refreshingly modest chap enjoyed the game of a lifetime and nothing should seriously detract from his dynamic contribution to Kevin Keegan's messianic resurrection of England's Euro 2000 campaign.

Scholes is fundamentally honest and I believe he was guilty of nothing more than being swept along on a tide of patriotic euphoria. But then again, the same was true of Maradona.

It is the difference in the English attitude to these parallel incidents which is so fascinating. The Hand of God goal for which Maradona has been reviled for so long becomes just a lucky Godsend when it moves up to the elbow of one of our own.

England's second goal to be disallowed.

Of course, he did no such thing. Naturally, just like Maradona, the hero of the hour ran to join his team-mates in celebration.

This hypocrisy was put sharply into contrast by David Mellor on his BBC radio programme. When an Argie fails to own up he is a slimy, double-dyed villain but when an Englishman scores a goal like that he doesn't really mean it.

According to the unrelentingly populist Mellor, the ball just happened to glance off Scholes' arm whereas Maradona was all deceitful intent. Thus is history rewritten to fit public opinion.

In fact, Maradona raised a self-protective arm in anticipation of being clattered by Peter Shilton and his eyes were closed as the cross bounced off his hand. If you don't believe that, look at the photograph above of him with his face turned away from the expected impact. If you still don't believe it, ask the other England players of '86 whose private criticism was directed mostly at their goalkeeper for failing to clatter a comparative midget.

In an ideal sportsman's world that would not excuse Maradona for claiming the goal. Neither can it blur the TV evidence that Scholes deflected the ball onto his face and into the net with a deliberate jab of the arm as David Beckham's cross swerved to go behind him.

The latest FIFA directive, issued last week, demands that any cheating be punished by a yellow card, at least. So determined are the authorities to crack down on gamesmanship that, had the Portuguese referee not been unsighted, Scholes might even have been sent off.

Mercifully, since that would have been unjust, he was not. Thankfully, Scholes was allowed to go on and complete the most brilliant and significant hat-trick at Wembley since Geoff Hurst won the World Cup for England in 1966.

But hopefully, at long last, this will put the anti-Maradona mania in this country to rest.

Keegan's sensible reaction suggests it might. Amid all the excitement of his inaugural victory he conceded that his Polish counterpart would take a less charitable view of the goal without which England would have faced a much more difficult struggle to regain some of the European Championship ground lost under Glenn Hoddle.

Good for him. Keegan has brought an open-door philosophy to the job, complete with frankly expressed opinions and an ability to laugh at himself which proved beyond Hoddle's self-righteousness.

Of the lapse which let Poland back into the game, Keegan remarked: 'I suppose people would expect one of my teams to let in a goal like that.'

Nonetheless, he was not afraid to temper his praise of the players by pointing out that Scholes' crime was failing to track back with Poland's scorer, an offence compounded by Gary Neville's uncharacteristically feeble challenge.

If anything, Keegan's honesty was more encouraging than the performance.

Not that a 3-1 win was anything less than uplifting in itself. Not that there was much to complain about. The danger lies in the country getting too carried away by a result which was the least England should expect at Wembley.

I suspect they will have to improve markedly if they are to beat Sweden at the old stadium on June 5 and give themselves a chance of qualifying outright instead of being cast to the playoffs.

Such reservations have been overwhelmed for the moment by a huge sense of relief that Keegan has arrived to sweep away the cobwebs of Hoddle's convoluted thinking and confused beliefs. After that muddle, a policy of simplifying the task of the players in going for victory is most welcome.

That said, the back four, reliably as it defended for the most part, offered little constructively. The midfield, with Beckham still confined to his narrow alley on the right and Steve McManaman disappearing up his own left touchline, lacked the creative element to augment the darting runs of Scholes and Tim Sherwood's solid debut.

The Scholes goals also applied a deceptive gloss to the Shearer-Cole partnership. As a captain who leads from the front Shearer looks battle-worn after so many injuries while Cole was the opposite of his normal self, tidier of touch but not as deadly near goal.

The team as a whole infected as it was by Keegan's enthusiasm as well as released from the weight of Hoddle's self-inflicted burdens - was greater than its component parts.

That, too, says a lot for the new man in charge.

It turned out a beautiful day for Keegan and his Sunshine Boys. They drove in past a sign advertising another of the day's events in the Wembley complex.

Prophetically, not least for Scholes, it read: Welcome to the Fantasy Show.