I had my beta this morning, but we won’t find out until Sunday. (For those couple of you who know me in real life, please don’t mention this to anyone else–we’re not telling many people exactly when the test is.) M just left to go out of town, and we want to hear the news together when he gets home. I left clear instructions to everyone at the office to NOT call me, but to leave a message on my patient voice mail instead.

It’s so hard to be the girl in this. Aside from being the one who has to do basically everything, you’re also the one who has the joy of feeling the cramping associated with it. The cramps I feel are exactly like the cramps I feel before I start my period. It’s really hard to keep reminding myself that they say cramps are normal and don’t necessarily mean anything. I’m hard wired to be aware of those little things because they always come several days before my period, and it’s difficult to ignore them. I’ve read a lot about girls who feel like their periods are coming, then they end up with a positive pg test, but there’s an equal amount I’m sure who felt like that and got a negative. This is by far the hardest part of IVF. The not knowing, and knowing that the things I’m feeling have a 50/50 shot of being symptoms of pregnancy or symptoms of a coming period.