Help me to FINALLY find my socionics type

This is a discussion on Help me to FINALLY find my socionics type within the What's my Socionics type? forums, part of the Socionics Forum category; Personal concepts
1. What is beauty? What is love?
I don't like the conventional idea of beauty. I think beauty ...

Help me to FINALLY find my socionics type

Personal concepts

1. What is beauty? What is love?
I don't like the conventional idea of beauty. I think beauty should be about something more than just physical appearance. Beauty should be inspirational, original, different and provocative. It should awoke emotions and thoughts in people.
I believe that love isn't only something that exists between people. I think you can love an idea, a piece of art or your work. Love is everything that makes you feel more whole and complete, that fills you with hope and happiness. And you can't imagine your life without it or your life would become more empty without it.2. What are your most important values?
Freedom, independence, individuality, creativity, self expression, art, imagination, open mindness, experimentation, novelty, innovation, originality, uniqueness, empathy, compassion, equality, self improvement, education and knowledge. 3. Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I was raised in a strongly atheistic household and most people around me are atheists too. I've searched in various realms of religion from traditional Christianity os Buddhism to New Age and Wicca, but after more in depth analysis and research, all those ideologies felt like nonsense that doesn't make any logical sense. I've come more or less at peace with the idea that there's nothing after life and I mostly relate to nihilism and Nietzsche, although I do find it slightly depressing. 4. Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
I hate the idea of war and militaries. I find it disturbing that someone would kill innocent people for power or material profit. I think it's the worst thing humanity has ever come up with and the whole world would be much better developed an progressive if there was no violence.

Interests
5. What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
I like to talk about music, movies, books and art. I also like to discuss politics, philosophy, social issues and psychology. I also enjoy topics about ecology, zero waste, vegetarianism, human rights and animal rights. When I get close to someone and feel really comfortable with them, I like to share my emotions, personal experiences, personal hopes for the future and fears. 6. Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
Only briefly, I don't talk about them much, but sometimes from time to time it does happen with the right people, who I know consider this stuff interesting and we have nothing else in common. I think I have an above average knowledge of human body and health and I do care about being healthy. But in general I'm not that focused on my body, there are more important things in life.7. What do you think of daily chores?
I hate them, they are my absolute weak point. I really suck at keeping my environment clean and I usually put things randomly around the house. I'm really messy and I avoid cleaning up and chores until it's completely necessary, e.g. when my boyfriend tells me that he can no longer live in such a mess and we're going to die in dirt.8. Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I've recently read a book about Norwegian man who decided to leave his family and work and live the forest. I think it was a perfect reflection on how shallow and energy sucking today's society is. A critique on how we push our own limits to prove something to others, while real meaning is somewhere else.9. What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
Recently I cried, because I was deciding about my future and I chose something I thought I never would and I didn't know whether I'd ever find happiness. I've always had this perfect detailed idea of how my life is going to look like when I'll be an adult, and I want to follow this path, but... life keeps on giving me other things that distract me and I'm not good at dealing with this. I just thought that, once I have a plan I gotta follow it.
I smiled because I'm adopting a dog and I saw his picture and it was just too cute.10. Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
I feel at home when I'm with people who share my values and opinions. With whom I care freely discuss topics of my interest without being judged or misunderstood. People with whom I care share my ideas and passions and I know I get respect and honest positivty from them.

Evaluation & Behaviour

11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
Messiness, laziness, disorganization, indecisiveness, depressive nature, lack of motivation, negativism, idealism, head in the clouds.
I know I'm messy, but I've learnt to live with it and I think it's not going to change. I try to be more organized really hard, I push myself to extremes when it comes to organizing my time and forcing myself to be more productive and effective. I do tend to victimize myself and feel like the world is unfair to me, I'm also prone to self pity and long periods of stagnation and apathy when I feel lack of positive motivation. I also have a hard time to wait for stuff, I expect everything to happen right away, and when it doesn't, I just get sad without trying to correct it.I give up really easily, even though I try really hard to be more harsh on myself and to become more tough and assertive. I have no will power, but that is something I try to work on as well and I push myself further with diets and restrictions to become more content. I also tent to be extremely sensitive on myself and take myself too seriously, but I guess that's not something I can change easily. I try to be more rational with my emotions, since usually they are really overwhelming, but it's difficult. 12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
Creative, artistic, original, different, independent, individualistic, intelligent, open, good critical thinking, charismatic, knowledgeable.
I like that I can come up with interesting ideas and I can be really creative. I'm good at expressing myself via spoken or written language and I'm good at music as well. I have a good sense of aesthetic and I'm artistic. I like that I rarely fake anything and I'm very honest and true about who I am and what I believe is right. I always stay true to my own values even under the pressure of society. I learn new things easily and I remember facts and interesting information. I can easily spot when things don't make logical sense and reject hoaxes or untrue information easily.13. In what areas of your life would you like help?
I'm highly ambitious and goal oriented, yet I really struggle with motivation and being effective. I'd like to have someone to motivate me to make stuff happen and help me organize my time to become more productive.
I also tend to be overly negativististic and see things in black and white terms. I need someone to show me the good stuff and help me become more positive, although I'm really attracted to certain darkness.
I also need someone to help me be more assertive or to stand up for myself, when I can't.
I'd appreciate sort of a patient teacher or a guide to show me how to be more patient myself and less ... on the run all time time, 'cause it feels like I need to push to make stuff happen really hard, but I lack the time and the power.14. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
I'm easily put off if things simply don't go my way. I usually have this really detailed idea of how things should be, but it rarely meets the reality, so then I find reality to be extremely harsh, unfair and cruel. I tend to victimize myself, pity myself and get further from the real world to the imagination and places where the things are the way I want them to be and there's no harsh reality to fuck it up for me.

[B]People & Interactions[B]15. What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I like people who are educated and knowledgeable. I also like those who know what they want in life, are ambitious and goal oriented. I like those who are sophisticated, well-behaved and know how to leave a good impression. I enjoy a company of open minded and empathetic people, who care about social issues and justice. I also like those who think creatively, inventively and know how to use their talents and natural gifts. I favor self confident, yet easy going types. 16. How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
More or less the same as mentioned above. I'd only add that I like people who can be dominant and lead the relationship. People who wouldn't be easily touched by my changing moods and emotions and would stand like a rock during some of my emotionally difficult times.17. If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why
I'd teach them to be individualistic and to trust themselves. I'd want them to be well educated and intelligent people. I'd also raise them to be empathetic and compassionate toward others.18. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction
I usually avoid confrontation unless it's really necessary. I'd probably try to explain it to the friend, but most people dislike it when I explain stuff, because I do it overly passionately and emotionally. If I wouldn't meet with understanding I'd just end the debate and think my own truth for myself.19. Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
Society could be better, but it's not completely lost. I believe we still have a chance to become better, we just need to be more open, progressive and liberal.20. How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I choose people who are similar to me, who like art, music or literature or have similar political opinions. I can be talkative and friendly to them, I tend to be loud and very self expressive around those I know well.21. How do you behave around strangers?
I'm shy and very quiet, I wait them to approach me and when they don't, I think about what might be wrong with me or what might anger them about me. I'm distant and cold to people I don't know well.

"I think it was a perfect reflection on how shallow and energy sucking today's society is. A critique on how we push our own limits to prove something to others, while real meaning is somewhere else."

But where else do you see real meaning? Aside from your typing just curious.

So for your typing:

"I'd only add that I like people who can be dominant and lead the relationship. People who wouldn't be easily touched by my changing moods and emotions and would stand like a rock during some of my emotionally difficult times."

Then you say:

"I need someone to show me the good stuff and help me become more positive, although I'm really attracted to certain darkness."

"I usually have this really detailed idea of how things should be, but it rarely meets the reality, so then I find reality to be extremely harsh, unfair and cruel. I tend to victimize myself, pity myself and get further from the real world to the imagination and places where the things are the way I want them to be and there's no harsh reality to fuck it up for me."

You know... again I'm gonna get to another topic here and not just about your typing but, I knew people like you. And when I tried to make them positive I think it was just seen as pretty harsh from me. Like I didn't understand their deep negative feelings. Yeah I was kind of crude/tough with how I was giving the positivity and motivating words and encouragement overall. There was a girl that actually complained later that it looked like I just lost my skill for empathy or something... So tell me what you need instead of that... I don't understand what these people need. Though I'm thinking of that girl in particular (I'm a girl too btw). Others didn't complain or kept it to themselves. :P I did ask a guy recently (who definitely types as mbti INFP too and I think he's IEI aswell) about this and he said I'm not too bad with it because I'm at least not sarcastic. He had a friend (another girl lol) who was the same as me with the attitude trying to kick him in the ass sortof but she was additionally sarcastic in style. I'm not. I'm just simply direct but also not at all soft and it comes across as too harsh to some.

(Not gonna discuss my typing atm though, since I have a typing thread and don't want to influence people lol)

So I'm curious what good stuff you had in mind that would help you... ? That avoids the harshness of reality lol, yet motivates you?

Anyway these do seem Te PoLR and Se valuing:

"I try to be more organized really hard, I push myself to extremes when it comes to organizing my time and forcing myself to be more productive and effective."

"I'm highly ambitious and goal oriented, yet I really struggle with motivation and being effective. I'd like to have someone to motivate me to make stuff happen and help me organize my time to become more productive."

You talk about forcing yourself rather than just trying to find some "physically optimal" (Si) way of doing it. That'd be the Se valuing supposedly. And yeah definitely very low Te lol

"I'd appreciate sort of a patient teacher or a guide to show me how to be more patient myself and less ... on the run all time time, 'cause it feels like I need to push to make stuff happen really hard, but I lack the time and the power."

More of the Se valuing. Focus on pushing to make stuff happen, power...

The patient teacher thing made me think of LSE for a second but I don't think that's enough to make you EII lol. Dunno. I can be surprisingly patient BTW despite the crude, harsh style I mentioned above. I think SLE-Ti also can be quite patient... or anyone really when they see that's needed or they really care about the person, I suppose.

"I like people who are educated and knowledgeable. I also like those who know what they want in life, are ambitious and goal oriented. I like those who are sophisticated, well-behaved and know how to leave a good impression."

Pretty high on the Se / Te but also some very well-behaved SLE rather than LSE?

"I favor self confident, yet easy going types."

This did sound "P" enough so more SLE than LSE

"I'd only add that I like people who can be dominant and lead the relationship. People who wouldn't be easily touched by my changing moods and emotions and would stand like a rock during some of my emotionally difficult times."

Just more of the same.

"I'd probably try to explain it to the friend, but most people dislike it when I explain stuff, because I do it overly passionately and emotionally."

Lol you remind me of that girl again.

"I can be talkative and friendly to them, I tend to be loud and very self expressive around those I know well."

"- Aggressive/dominant people: I just don't know how to deal with them.They make me want to fight them and show them, how they're not as strong as they think, but then also they make me want to cry and hide somewhere safe. I can't stand hostile behavior, violence and loud people.

- Big and loud groups of people: I feel very anxious around people I do not know well and I'm hyper self aware of social situations. I can handle one on one conversations well, or meetings in small groups, where I know others, but big groups make me feel terrible. I also have an issue with being assertive, it seems like I can't ever be loud enough to voice my opinion and I feel terrible, when I suddenly need to assert myself."

"I honestly can't imagine this, everything I do, everything I am, everything I wear, say, create... is to get attention from others. I'd be nothing without them, I'd be... I don't know... ordinary? empty? Jesus... it feels like an awful thing to think about. ACTUALLY no I know exactly what I'd do. I have so many romantic ideas in my mind about being implusive, weird and self destructive and what holds me back from them is actually the fact that I want to achieve something and be someone in the eyes of the others. But if I didn't have this motivation, I think I'd just get drunk, fuck with random people, listen to music and live this super lazy bohemian life with lots of drugs and die really young. I'd probably write really bad poetry full of emotional confessions and tell random people the darkest most fucked up things about myself just to see how they'd react. And I'd throw myself into the most unhealthy relationships, 'cause I'd idealize pain and emotional suffering and I'd do anything to make myself feel alive. I'd actually lead this life happily, but I care too much about success and social ranking to be trashy like this... "