How you react to the recoil will vary from gun to gun and round to round. What works for me may be way off the mark for you. The best thing you can do would be to rent at least one of each caliber at a local range if that oprion is available to you.

you're right. think i'm going to end up with a .9mm anyway--- to make sure the wife is comfortable shooting it as well. she has concerns about recoil and a .9mm is certainly suitable for a SD weapon with the right ammo and much target practicing.

you're right. think i'm going to end up with a .9mm anyway--- to make sure the wife is comfortable shooting it as well. she has concerns about recoil and a .9mm is certainly suitable for a SD weapon with the right ammo and much target practicing.

Not trying to influence you one way or the other, just giving you a frame of reference, but my 11 year old son had no problems with the recoil on my PX4 in .40 cal. It really is a soft shooter, very comparable to a 9mm. It isn't nearly as snappy as a buddies .40 cal M&P.

Ultimately you are right though, with any caliber, shot placement is key, and comfort with recoil is part of that.

I couldn't agree more, I just bought my first handgun. My brother in law guided me to by the 40 s/w, but since I have wondered in the 9mm would have been better. Especially since I am experiencing handgun shooting for the 1st time. Renting the guns would have really helped.