Sunday, April 17, 2005

I was just wondering, but do any of you writers out there ever feel as if you're trapped in one endless Reality TV show?

I sure do.

Like this weekend, for instance, when a fellow author e-mailed me to say my debut single title Warner Forever release "Dream Guy" is the feature review for Mrs. Giggles at the moment. Ack!

As my trembling fingers typed in the URL to the Mrs. Giggles website, it struck me how those poor "American Idol" contestants must feel coming face-to-face with Simon. Shiver. Like Simon, the woman says exactly what she thinks and she does so with The Donald's nothing-personal-just-business attitude. Since Mrs. Giggles doesn't provide a text-message option where fans (I'm thinking my daughter here) can vote for "The Apprentice" (namely me), I could already hear those fatal words reverbertating through my brain "You're Fired!"

And that's when I realized I'm forever running an "Amazing Race" trying to juggle real life with my writing life, always fearing I'm only one step away from being eliminated. When I'm under deadline, my husband will definitely tell you that the "Survivor" contestants eat much better than he does and have somewhat cleaner living conditions. But he'll just have to deal - because when I'm under deadline I'm dealing with trying to make sure the "Bachelor" in my book is the type of hero readers will fall in love with. And I know if I make the "Bachelorette" too sweet, readers will call her a bimbo, and if I make her too flippant, they'll call her a bitch.

When I finally do turn the book in, I so need an "Extreme Makeover." But with my luck, I fear that after thousands of dollars of plastic surgery and even brand new fake hooters that happily point upward instead of downward (like my own) I'd be the one who was told that even with the miracles of modern technology, I was still too ugly to be in the freaking "Swan" pageant. Sigh.
I know my poor husband wouldn't mind "Trading Spouses" for a little reprieve now and then, while I'm locked in my office trying to recreate a "Temptation Island" kind of bedroom scene. And lately when I throw one of my temper tantrums because nothing on the page is working, and I'm screaming and banging my head against the wall, he has picked up the phone a time or two with threats to call "Nanny 911" and put me in the "naughty" corner.

Maybe all I need is a "Queer Eye for Goal, Motivation and Conflict." Yes! That's it. I'll call Carson, and see if he can help me out. :)

Candy,
phone in hand and off to turn the "Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance" in my next Warner Forever "Mr. Destiny" into a suitable "Dream Guy."

Friday, April 08, 2005

Chiming in late due to a deadline that was complicated by that awful flu that hangs around for weeks, a massive home remodeling project, funerals, children's wrecked cars, and loss of my beloved dog. I made it -- the deadline that is. But for the past six weeks, there hasn't been anything but writing, writing, eating chocolate, writing, eating chocolate, writing (you get the picture). The book is done. And I'm on a diet.

Deep breath.

Now, I feel much better.

I've really enjoyed reading all of the other clever posts. Hopefully, I'll toss in something clever myself after my brain recovers from post-deadline-oatmeal state. That said, I'm very happy with ON BLUE FALLS POND. And now I might actually have time to read my recent release (PROMISES TO KEEP) in real book form! Ah, yes, a book and just one more piece of chocolate....

Best to all, and I promise to have something more interesting next time ... of course, to write my next interesting blog, I'll have to allow myself more chocolate.