Connor Jokes

Funny Jokes

"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his
client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"
"Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport."
The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?"
"No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "Oi'm always first out of bed."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for
unnatural connubial practices?"
"Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about the
connubial."
Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are what
grounds you have."
"Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat-not even a window box, let alone
grounds."
"Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a
reason that the court can more...

Should children witness childbirth?Due to a power-outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call.The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while hehelped deliver the baby.Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by hislittle feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again."

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS:Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They headto the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The ownercomes over and asks if he can help them.Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in datcage up dere,"says Gerry.The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy andGerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck todrive to the top of the Connor Pass.At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000' footdrop and says "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds outof the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom,killing himself stone dead.Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddyshakes his head and says "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'ndangerous for me!"THERE'S MOREMoment's later, Seamus arrives up at more...

Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"..."What have you done Tommy O'Connor" said the Priest. "I had sex with a girl""Who was it Tommy?" "I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin.""Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No Father, please forgive me for my sin.""Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No Father, I cannot tell you, please forgive me.""Well then, was it Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No Father, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay Tommy, go say 5 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you will be forgiven."So Tommy walked out to the pew where his friend Joseph was waiting... "What did you get?" asked Joseph. "Well, I got 5 Hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads!"

Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"... "What have you done Tommy O'Connor" said the Priest. "I had sex with a girl""Who was it Tommy?" "I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin.""Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No Father, please forgive me for my sin.""Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No Father, I cannot tell you, please forgive me.""Well then, was it Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No Father, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay Tommy, go say 5 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you will be forgiven."So Tommy walked out to the pew where his friend Joseph was waiting... "What did you get?" asked Joseph. "Well, I got 5 Hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads!"