be done with how your feeling, be done with feeling that you are not lovable, because you are. You deserve to be happy and to be loved. Share here about more of what is making you feel this way, it's a safe place to share.

The abuse i took as a child and teenager from my own father. I never felt loved by him. Felt like I've really didn't have a father figure or at least a good one.

Emotional and verbal abuse is JUST has hurtful and destroying as physical abuse. I wish people would recognize that more. I never felt like i got enough attention and affection growing up. Never had a relationship with my father. I'm so angry. Maybe this is how it all started with the depression and no self worth. I still feel screwed up.

I understand becoz even I was emotionally abused by my family itself and it's too difficult to cope with but just understand that nothing can be solved from finishing anything. If u feel alone, you need support, you can always drop me a message. You can also take my email if u want. I hope you feel better.

What do you think triggered this again- was it disappointment about getting a job? Even at an older age, I have heard that people often network - such as " Hey my neighbor knows someone, etc. " I hope also that you will enroll in a course - maybe even do some kind of training - I have heard that CNA's and HHA's are high in demand for instance. Your parents not letting you keep your own money is unfair to say the least- especially since they expected it from you and not your brothers. If your parents have problems it is NOT your fault.

All I can suggest is you keep writing on here. You have hit a low point but sharing how you feel can help. It sounds like you are very angry and rightfully so. It seems you are angry at yourself and with the world too. I wonder did something happen to make you make this post just now? Maybe there has been a "trigger " for this feeling. eg did you just get rejected from another job or by another person? It is hard work working on yourself but seek out any professional help available as well if you are able and keep writing about yourself or what has happened. Letting it all out and knowing that people are reading and listening to you means you are not alone in the world and we do care on this forum and all the other mental health forums. You are never alone or without support though sometimes you have to wait as people don't answer straightaway though we do care. XX

Thank you. I was thinking and crying about my childhood and teen years this morning. I was thinking about how maybe i didn't have such a good childhood.....i don't know.....I'm confused.

I just hate my life. Since losing my job i lost my somewhat active life. I have no money no nothing. I really doubt my parents really care about me.

Growing up i didn't feel like i had a good father and my mom she has her ways with justifying his actions and behavior which only confused me even more. I feel lonely. I realize now i always craved affection and attention on a one on one level whether it's from my mom or my brothers or a friend. But i failed and nobody wants me. So I'm worthless. I never truly felt loved and i don't even know how to say that with my tongue or process that. My whole life people have stepped and walked all over me. I'm tired of that. I can't move out because no job and money. Soon has i do get a job my parents won't let me save my money. They start arguments and beg for money. I can't handle this life. I was taken advantage of when i had my old job they took my kindness for weakness and i was manipulated into once again giving up control over my own life. I hate my life. It's has if they own me. But don't love, love me you know?

That's why i wish i was brave enough to harm myself or take a lot of pills. I don't know. I doubt any hotlines would help because they cannot buy me an apartment or 'cure' me of my severe depression. So i already know I'm screwed. I just feel so angry. So sick. So mad. And nobody even knows. Oh wait that's right i have no friends.

Sorry you are struggling. I was hoping you would get that job in the gift shop. I can see how you feel stuck having to live with your parents, and not having a job and your own income probably makes it that much worse.

Have you looked into group counseling in your area? I found one close to where I live and attended a few meetings. It’s a good way to meet people who have some of the same issues, so you feel more comfortable being around them. They also have programs that can help you find a job.

Group therapy is free. I’m not sure how you get around but if you could get to a group meeting the people there are so kind and helpful. They gave me lists of resources, and everyone in the meeting wrote their phone numbers on a sheet of paper for me in case I ever get in a really bad way I could call any one of them for help. I’m going to see if I can find the website to look for local group meetings in your area. The one I went to was held at the Christian center in my town. It’s all free.

Hi vonnah sorry to hear your still having problems ! Cant the doctors treat your polycystic overys this seems to be the origin of a lot of your problems im sure you not the ugly,worthless ugly girl beauty comes from with in so please take care of your self and let the beauty shine through which will show those doubters you are a great person !

That's nice of you, and thank you for replying but i don't think i can fix myself. I'm too broken. It's easier said then done to learn how to love yourself. Like what's love even feel like? I don't think i know.

Im sorry you feel this way no female especially one your age should be having the kind of problems your having ! To be loved you need to love your self and dont look backwards as the future is were you will feel better depression and anxiety have you had any councilling for the events of your past if not that would be a good start to start the healing please at least start loving yourself take care david

You DO deserve that. 20 years is but a blink in the span of a lifetime. You did not get one job. It probably would have sucked anyway. Keep trying. We talked about things you can learn from for your next interview. The bullies are nobody’s. They mean nothing! You are an adult now. It’s a whole new world. Bullies are for school and it’s usually only due to their own insecurities. Keep working on getting a job. Don’t forgot the follow up call after you apply. As an adult people will not bully you. If so (they won’t) tell them to kiss your a$$. They aren’t worth your time. People change after high school. You just have to put yourself back out there. Acne will clear. Weight can be lost. You have a long way to go. There is someone for everyone! Trust me! Along with wrong ones. You’ll get there. ❤️ DONT GIVE UP!

Hi Vonnah sorry you didn't get that gift shop job. I thought I sent you the NAMI link for your area before, if not just google NAMI or National Alliance for Mental Illness, and they will have the calendar of meetings for support groups, free, in your area for Depression. if you don't have car, are you near a bus line? I'll keep praying you meet good friends near you, and a support group is a really good place to start. There will be people going through similar struggles so they won't judge you, and it will help to share your burdens with each other. I pray this for you, that makes all the difference, to have a friend who listens with compassion and accepts and loves us

Hi Vonnah i'm glad you can find some comfort here on the site, but human face-to-face is just better, especially with touch, and i mean, innocent touch. Babies DIE when they're not touched in an affectionate way, did you know this? I know some are not comfortable with hugging strangers, like in a support group setting, but once you get friendly with someone, and hang out with her (preferably the friends are female , sometimes with men you don't know their motives, and it's probably not the best time to date right now)--when you're comfortable with a friend, it's nice to greet each other with a hug and just have that real human connection. i grew up with horrible emotional psychological abuse too, but been on my own since 18. That would've been tough to have endured continue to live with my mother's abuse, harder for you to heal i'm sure, when you're still living with the abuser. I will pray harder that you find a good fulfilling job, and loving friends. i looked at our old private messages here, the link is there also, but Here's the link for NAMI South carolina namisc.org/about-us/local-a...

Yeah i understand i think that would be best too. I found the website and got it bookmarked. Seems like my local area is pretty active. Wow I'm gonna email them my questions about times and locations tomorrow.

Not sure Lostjoy , i'm blessed that my church hosts it's own support group for those with mental illness- as the NAMI support groups are not convenient by bus to where i am (I don't own a car). The one at my church is nearer, it's for general mental illness including depression, anxiety bipolar schizophrenia, etc. and i have made a couple supportive friends there. Hope things are well with you

Your worth everything, your not ugly and I understand how you feel when it comes to feeling like our symptoms will never get better, I go through episodes almost everyday crying cause I feel like I'll never be myself again, but the truth is it will get better

Bless your precious heart and soul Vonnah, I can hear you wanting to love and be loved in kind, healthy ways and to have a job, to gain stability, self love, self compassion and health and safe distance from your toxic family.

You don’t matter because you have this or that particular talent or worth dear Vonnah, your soul matters just because it was born and is utterly unique, is a limitless, precious force. It is your birthright as a spirit, that you are a treasure, entirely worthy of love and affection, whether your parents understand it or not.

You can get there, these dreams are so possible, they just take not giving up. You can break free of your abusive family, people do this even despite many years of abuse and pain, and it being hard. You express yourself very well in writing by the way. May you find a job very soon and be able to take refuge at a safe distance from your broken family.

Thank you so much for this. It gives me more motivation to keep on applying. It's just so hard. No job seems like they want to hire me. My parent's don't understand me. I just want a better brighter life and its so dark now. I can't picture my future at all. Will i make it out alive?

Everything you mentioned is what my heart desires. Those things are so outta reach.

I'm exactly like you hun! Been bullied everyday of my life! I also feel ugly, useless and never liked by anyone while going thru school and now it even happens as an adult! I know this sounds cliche but like you I feel like I'm done too. The only thing I do is tell god please give me a break in life just ONCE! I very much know how your feeling as I just went thru a suicidal few weeks. I'm over it now even tho I still deal with this shit. I try and tell myself hey if they don't like me its their loss!!! To me your lovable!!! 💝 Talk to me everyday if you can I'm not working right now and haven't in 2 years. Please contact me please!# I'm kacey what's your name??

Vonnah, sometimes we know the things that will help us feel better but we don't have the energy or will to do them. Right now your depression has taken over your thinking and of all the things in the world you could have have on your mind, it is making your focus on negative things about yourself and your childhood. I urge you to make that NAMI phone call. And also to make a list of small steps you can take that are positive. Go for a 5 minute walk. Make your bed. Whatever ... you will know what to write down. Those small steps can lead to bigger things.

Look at all the people here who care about you. Why would that many people bother if you were truly worthless?

I don't know why. I don't take care of myself. I washed my clothes yesterday but only because i really had too. I haven't showered in God knows when. I don't eat enough. I'm starting to obsess over my weight (stomach) and i'm obcessing over my ugly face and how could i possibility change it and my unusual stretch marks on my arms and near the back side of my knee caps and thighs that would go away. I don't see other perfect 20 year old girls with stretch marks and I'm not obese or anything so why me? Why am i ugly? All i see is makeup on others. Perfect clothes and hair. I am not like them. I don't fit in the beauty standard.

What will calling them do??????

My bedroom is a wreck. All junky and my bed is messed up. I am a horrible person

You are not a horrible person. You are a good, sweet person who has the right to a decent, happy life. Think about criminals and the damage they do - now that's horrible. You're just a girl who needs a shower and to clean up her room. You could take that shower tonight. I dare you!

If everyone whose bedroom is a wreck is a horrible person, well sign me up. Tell you what, let's both work on ours tomorrow. Let's spend 1/2 hour on it and if we can do more, we'll keep going! What do you think?

I also need to start looking for a summer job, so maybe we can challenge each other with that, too!

I like the I dare you to shower also! Hey, here's one- have you thought about putting up a flyer maybe at a community center- and letting people know you are looking for work ? Is there a community center near you- even a senior center- I'll bet they'd love to meet someone like you. Remember last week you mentioned that in so many words that you loved your parents. Have you talked to both of them and let them know how awful you feel? Even people with money problems can be kind to each other.

No my parents would start an argument. Not going there again. Last time i went in my bathroom and was thinking how badly i wanted to freaking die after a horrible argument about "feelings". Not again. Parents aren't really emotionally able. Is that itself abuse or neglect?

vonnah make a list to do list, have a shower every day make you feel better, make a list of what you have to do, when you done it, tick it done, makes you feel better. Accomplished something but it works, stay where you are for now, but look to move- home share, my brother lives in a house with 6 bedrooms, 6 men have own room and they have a communal kitchen and living room. You will always have company, life is hard, but don't give up, you are a good person, and it will get better,

You sure do deserve that! Please stop telling yourself that. I will bet this is depression talking. Vent to me any time. I know what it is to lose a job- like part of an identity- but remember you are young and are absorbing a lot from your parents. In fact you are very young. You mentioned that you were on your mom's plan. Wouldn't that work to continue therapy? Plus you said you were seeing a psych in just about a week, right? I have given you numbers like voc rehab so why not? Or the women's groups numbers? Please tell yourself that you are not doing any good in putting yourself down. Please. Plus there is NAMI the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You'd also be surprised- sometimes volunteering can help boost yourself towards a purpose in life. Remember your parents have had a lot of their life- they have had a chance to live, to even work and have a family- you are barely just starting out. I hope you will reach out to the Women's groups as well. I have heard that some even provide safe place and may even help people with job searches. I recently read about a program called dress for success, and is part of a program at career centers that helps with work training and retraining. Some of the people are even older and have had to restart their lives.

Don’t give up hun. I’m here for you if you ever wanna talk. I hope things get better. Take care of yourself and maybe get some counseling treatment. Eat healthy and take it one day at a time dear. I know how hard it can be. Have been having som rough days myself right now. Xxxx.

I am hoping to find a job like I said it's been 4 years I been in and out hospitals for suicide attempts I don't know why they don't hire me my motivation is very low I do go to a outpatient program but it seems not work I feel so useless and just depressed and I have anxiety I am on disability so I hope I get a job I need to be active