Saturday, 9 March 2013

Building trust in relationships

Trust, as we know, is a crucial factor in any
relationship. Many relationships have broken up over trust issues. Once
violated, trust is very difficult to repair and rebuild, so it has to be
guarded carefully and constantly nurtured. It can be compared to a
plant that needs the right soil, water and temperature to flourish and
attain full bloom. So too, trust requires the right conditions and
environment to sustain a relationship through highs and lows.If partners trust each other in a relationship, there
is no guarantee that it will continue to stay that way. You can never
trust enough, nor can you take it for granted. You have to constantly
build on it.What are the barriers to building trust in a relationship?1. Desire to controlWhen one partner or the other seeks to control the
relationship and wants to achieve the upper hand, it is very difficult
to meet on equal ground and establish trust. If you are not happy in a
relationship and constantly seek to change your partner and dictate
terms, it is not an environment conducive to building trust. Your
partner will withdraw and alienate himself/herself from you.2. DishonestyIf you are always trying to hide things from your
partner, or lie by omission, or only tell him/her what you think he/she
needs to hear, you are not just being dishonest with your partner but
you are not being true to yourself either. Remember that if you’re doing
something wrong that you can’t talk about to your partner, it’s not
about hiding it from your partner but whether you can live with it.
Whatever you do, have the courage of your convictions and there will
never be the need to be dishonest.3. Self-centerednessWhen we focus only on our needs and ourselves, we tend
to do things that don’t help the relationship and will probably cause a
rift in it. If you have selfish motives, it erodes the trust that your
partner has placed in you and causes a loss of faith. This in turn
hampers the growth of the relationship and causes it to stagnate.

In order to build trust in a relationship we have to
overcome these barriers and ensure they don’t act as stumbling blocks.
In addition, it is important to work on those factors that enhance trust
and cement it so that it acts as a cohesive force in a relationship.4. Be openIt is vital in a relationship to be as open and honest
as possible. Sometimes couples lie to each other on the pretext that
the truth will hurt their partner. That is something they should think
about when they are indulging in the dishonest act, not at the time of
disclosure. If you think twice about what you’re doing and how it will
hurt your partner, if you really care for him/her, you won’t do it. If
you’re constantly hiding things and not being sincere, it stunts the
relationship and inhibits trust.5. CommunicationCommunication forms the core - an integral part of
building trust and sustaining a relationship. Communication does not
involve one person doing all the talking – that too only surface talk
about fashion trends and gossip. Communicating effectively involves both
partners contributing their fair share to the conversation and
listening when the other talks. It involves laying your cards on the
table and telling it like it is, talking about your deeper emotions and
feelings. It means being straightforward about your needs and
expectations.6. ForgivenessBuilding trust in a relationship also involves being
able to forgive your partner for the hurt he may have caused you in the
past. If you can’t do that and insist on clinging to petty problems or
keep raking up old issues, the relationship will die a natural death. Or
one or both of you is going to be extremely unhappy. If you decide to
continue in a relationship despite the hurt your partner may have
inflicted on you in the past and would like to work on rebuilding the
trust, you have to be willing to wipe the slate clean and start over.7. EmpathizeWhen problems come up or difficult situations arise,
as they are bound to, it is important to show concern for your partner’s
feelings and be sensitive to their needs. Even if you didn’t agree with
the course of action and he didn’t take your advice, support him in his
time of despair. If you understand his deepest desires and identify
with his interests, he is more inclined to trust you with his feelings.
If you throw them back in his face, ridicule him or rub it in when he’s
stumbled and fallen, he will not be inclined to trust you.8. Maintain positive feelingsIf your partner has never given you reason to doubt
him, then don’t. What’s that line about someone not being guilty unless
proven otherwise? If you’re always suspicious and doubting his motives,
jealous and quick to jump to conclusions (often the wrong ones), it will
be very difficult to build trust. Treat your partner just the way you
would want to be treated – with love and respect.Building trust in a relationship doesn’t come with a
snap of the fingers. It takes hard work and commitment, but once you
have it and work to keep it alive, you will reap the fruits of it.