Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Yesterday, Apple announced its new wristwatch. It's called the iWatch, as opposed, I imagine to, YouWatch or TheyWatch or BayWatch. Since I am
anything but a customer of the firm, I will refrain from commenting.

Yet, The Onion offers some illuminating insights into this
great moment in the history of technology.

Here is a sampling:

13-megapixel camera
enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist

Allows wearers to start
and stop the flow of time

Discreet, but not so
discreet that anyone would mistake it for a regular watch

Comes in a variety of
colors and styles to express your personal submission to the planet’s
dominant tech company

And:

Small size and intricate
circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone

Makes it easier for
muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic
device