June 20, 2008

moving slow.

its funny how quickly the human body and mind can adjust to surroundings.

after a couple rather hectic weeks at hillcrest, i decided to escape to the slower paced life in manhattan to unwind and relax for a couple days. it's nice, but i can't help but feel slightly irresponsible just intentionally doing nothing. well, i suppose reading and blogging and drinking iced tea at 40% off isn't necessarily nothing, but it is a severe decrease in speed and a great increase in time.

when i first moved back to kansas city this summer i was surprisingly uncomfortable there. i had become used to the slow meandering life of manhattan, and the speed of kc caught me off guard. it's been a month now. i've plunged myself in my job and life (same thing) in kc, so now that i'm back in manhattan i'm surprisingly uncomfortable here.

i'm not sure whether of not i prefer either. on one hand it's nice to have extra time to spare - time to write a 3-paragraphs-and-counting blog - but at the same time my heart wants to be moving. when i have an hour or so of unscheduled time during the hours of 9-4 in kc i feel like i'm not being productive, but an hour of free time in manhattan is the most common thing ever. i think the reason i'm writing this, however, is that i feel like i've finally re-discovered the balance of these two feelings.

in ministry (specifically youth in this case) it's important to have a moment of contact with every kid at an event - high five evangelism* if you will - but it's also important to walk slow enough that you don't miss someone in need of some encouragement or advice. i think this is the mindset i had when i was in high school and freshman and sophomore year here at k-state, but somewhere in the 21 months away from kansas city (and youth ministry) my thoughts turned inward and i'd lost my passion for social contact and, consequently, my passion for evangelism.

i want to impact lives other than my own. call me out if i'm moving too slow or if i'm not moving slow enough. it's the life i want to live and i'm excited that i feel reconnected with that mentality.

-ap.**

* - in 2008 i've found that "pound-it evangelism" is more relevant.** - i really wanted to insert a line regarding kanye west's accidental wisdom in the song "drive slow" somewhere in this post but it just wasn't fitting. you need to pump your breaks and drive slow homie. granted, the motivation to drive slow is slightly different in the song than in this blog. but i can twist his text out of context if i feel like it. and i feel like it. so there you have it.