David Attenborough

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Rumour abounds that he will be at the stoke game Monday night as rumour has it that there may well be a sighting of that rare player gigantus titus or andus carrolus to we laymen...not often seen in its native surroundings and many thought it was extinct but after a sighting in Miami it is thought this brittle boned rarity has decided to settle in east London for the summer....hoping to catch an even rarer event of it actually being in its natural grassy habitat but most think it will be the wooded area of the bench it needs in order to stay safe.

i can picture David Attenborough's doco on G. titus. "Here we have a particularly intriguing specimen. You see, the bones and muscles of the legs have atrophied, but up top, the nostrils have widened to vacuum up as much nutriment C as possible. And then there is that crowning glory: the "Ponytail". A shock of oily excrescence that is a true throwback to the stoned age."