The Games Mistress: Golf goes groovy

Emma Kennedy samples a bit of swinging. Of the
golfing variety, of course...

Hello fun-seekers! This month, let's pull on a Pringle (no, not
the crisp, you fool) and yank back the curtain on a sport that's
traditionally associated with retired gentlemen and a tipple or
five at the 19th hole. Golf.

Men bang on about golf as if it's better than chocolate and harder
than childbirth and, although our default position should be that
men cannot be trusted (no, not ever), even I have to admit that
golf has got funky.

Don't fear it, dear reader. If it helps, just think of it as
hockey with smaller sticks and fewer gumshields. As looks go, this
one's a grower. So let's get in on the action.

First, kit yourself out in super golfing gear that tapers at the
waist and redefines 'natty'.

Second, get an instructor - turns out you can't swing a golf club
'like an umbrella in a gale' (who knew?), you have to hold it
properly. This involves thumbs. You will need two.

Third, master your swing. Don't panic - this doesn't mean dropping
your keys into a bowl and hoping for the best. It's the golfing
equivalent of the over-arm throw in rounders. It's the Holy Grail
of the sport. Swinging. Get it right, be adored forever, that's how
it works.