Tom Ford is fashion’s old reliable: come rain or come shine, the man is always making golden statements to the press. Sure, he single handedly revived the house of Gucci and redefined the aesthetic of YSL, sure his menswear is synonymous with impeccable tailoring and his womenswear with outsized glamour, but at the end of the day, he’s as consistently irreverent and button pushing as fashion’s other great punchline dispenser, Karl Lagerfeld. Look at him go:

On aging poorly:

An eyelift on a man usually makes the eyes look extremely feminine. It’s something to avoid if you’re a man. The solution is a really beautifully tailored Tom Ford jacket. No one will be looking at your bad eyelift.

On beauty:

“Key number one is stay thin. I’m the same weight now that I was when I was thirty-three years old. I weigh myself every day. If I gain more than three pounds, I eat vegetables for two or three days until I get back down to my weight.”

I’ve always been serious about makeup and cosmetics going back to when I was fourteen, and my mother had to take me to the emergency room because I was lying in the bathtub with cucumber slices on my eyes. She had to explain to the guys in the emergency room why her fourteen-year-old son had a giant infection in his eyes. I was allergic to cucumbers, but I didn’t know it until I put them on my eyes and laid in the bathtub. At fourteen, I already thought I had bags under my eyes.

So Tom Ford maintains his weight by a few days of vegetable fasting whenever he goes above his ideal and suggests a Tom Ford (natch) coat to distract from your flaws.