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Friday, January 23, 2009

Whoever hacked into Kanye West's accounts did a nice job, planting a public seed that West was, well, willing to plant a public seed:

“I know that people will find this as another thing to hate on, but f--- it. I’m open to doing porn. Hell, I’ll even do bisexual scenes - myself, another man, and a woman, or just me and two women. I know people will find that as some weird sh--, but I am who I am.”

Of course, there wasn't a word of truth in it. Well, probably. The real Kanye popped up - sorry, ill-advised choice of phrase - and put everyone straight:

"Yoooo, why won't you let me be great!!!" West wrote. "I had the two greatest days of my life, and when I get back from the Louie [sic] show, I read some sh-- claiming I said I'm down to do porn and some bisexual porn!!!! I can't believe the AVN [Adult Video News] would post [that story]."

He seems especially upset that he was supposedly going to do bisexual porn, doesn't he?

Assuming, of course, that this message was the real Kanye. There are a lot of impersonators - haters, if you will; impersonhaters, presumably - pretending to be Kanye:

"First people believed the Twitter/ Stephen Colbert thing, Rolling Stone even printed it!!!!" he said. "Now somebody has been hacking into my MySpace and somebody's actually hacked into my personal GMail account and has been e-mailing people from it. ... Hey, world, I no longer have GMail! I found out I had twelve unauthorized Skype accounts under my name!!! This [is] all in the past four days. Welcome to Kanye West World!"

Surely, though, someone as supposedly cool as Kanye wouldn't start a message with something so cringe-inducing as "why won't you let me be great", or sprinkle his public utterances with so many exclamation marks he makes himself read like a twelve year-old. The only logical explanation is that there is no real Kanye West any more.

4 comments:

"I found out I had twelve unauthorized Skype accounts under my name!!!"

He's right! I've just searched Skype and there are twelve Kanye Wests out there, including two in America, two in Germany, two in Bulgaria and one each in Ghana, Albania, Algeria and 'Rainbow Castle'. It's shocking! There are also seven Milli Vanillis, four Delia Smiths and a Matt Bianco. Somebody really should set up some sort of Corgi Register for celebrities, so we don't end up inadvertently talking to counterfeit Ukranian Jeff Goldblums.

Hang about - There are THIRTY ONE unauthorized Skype accounts under my name!! Screw you West, I win this round.