The Wall Street Journal chronicled, in meticulous and appalling detail yesterday, the number of times the police are being called to the kids’ pizza chain to break up fights between adults. To quote the Journal:

“The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child’s birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant’s music stage where a robotic singing chicken and the chain’s namesake mouse perform.”

Experts tell reporter Anna Prior that much of this is a result of “mama-bear instinct,” parents jumping in to protect their children from harm. But the incidents culled from police reports don’t show children in what can reasonably be described as imminent danger.

In one case a woman grabbed tokens out of the hand of a 6-year-old who she said was hogging the game. The boys mother responded by screaming at the woman, then calling over a male friend who proceeded to grab the first woman by the throat. In another, the alleged game-hoggers were two sisters, age 10 and 14. Another mother began cursing at the girls and the result was a 10-parent melee, where one woman grabbed the red velvet rope from the entrance, the kind with a big metal clip at one end, and began swinging it like a weapon.

I would wager that in these cases the children really were hogging the games. And they were likely fairly obnoxious when asked to yield the floor. But look who their role models seem to be — parents whose response to being crossed is to come out swinging.

The appeal of the restaurant chain (many of whose locations are in what a spokesman describes as “tougher areas”) seems to be that there is beer and wine available for the grown-ups so they could have their own kind of fun while the children played. Or, more accurately — there used to be wine and beer available. Many locations have stopped serving alcohol over the past few months, and the visits from the police have gone down.

A few of the restaurants have also posted armed guards at the door.

That gives new meaning to the restaurants’ advertising slogan: “where a kid can be a kid.”

I remember taking my kids to one of these places when they were two and four. I hated it; they freaked out over the big singing rat and hid under the table. That was 10 years ago and I still have a mental image of beer-addled, overweight, polyester clad suburbia that rears up when I drive by. They never asked to go back and I never offered to take them.

Thank you, Lisa, for bringing this issue to the forefront. Much of this comes down to managing emotions and serving as a role model for children regarding how to do so. When parents can make a conscious decision to model and teach impulse control, it can make a difference.

Impulse control can be challenging. It seems like our lives are busier and busier these days. In addition, some people have a harder time in high-stimuli environments. Children and adults alike can be more easily triggered in these environments.

Even though the incidents have been happening in certain areas, anger management and impulse control is a pervasive issue most everywhere. Perhaps some people are more creative than others, but the anger still comes out in hurtful ways.

While we can’t control what goes on at children’s birthday parties, we can spread the word and lead by example. We teach children by what we model. None of us is perfect, but we can still guide our children. We can teach them that adults feel angry sometimes too, and that it can be hard for everyone to calm down when angry. Anger is a powerful emotion. The impulse is to react, but by calming down first, a better choice can be made. Here is a link to some ways to manage strong emotions: http://tiny.cc/KelPY

I always tell children to find which way works best for them. By starting young, kids can have a head start on managing grown-up anger.

Speaking of that, we can’t expect perfection in anyone – child or adult. It is a practice. It is a practice to take deep breaths before responding. It is a practice to walk away when emotions are running high and to then return to solve the problem. If parents can be intentional and work towards teaching their children emotion management, then, one by one, we are on the path towards making a difference.

When my son was 2, he hit another child on the playground. I found myself rushing to insert myself between a 6ft tall man and my son. The man wanted to yell at my son. When I appeared, he yelled at me instead. Yes, my son hit his daughter, but he was 2.

Yet, I can see it from the other side. When my children were small, if a stranger got between me and my child, in a store or on the sidebwalk, I’d see a flash of red — panic that, yes, could feel like anger, though I never acted on it. Then there was the time a 3 year old grabbed a toy from my 1 year old causing her to cry. I thought, “You big bully!” and then I caught myself. She was a 3-year -old wearing pigtails.

Maybe I’m over it now that my kids are litle older (13 and 10) but, then again, maybe not. We’ve had a couple of bad incidents with teachers — in one, when my son was in 2nd grade, the teacher , who was trying to ready them for some kind of intra-school math competition, (what a bad idea that was) announced to the class that they were “all stupid.” (That was just the tip of the iceberg at that place and we have since changed schools.) In those situations, I’m on my way out the door, spitting nails, ready to find that teacher, when my husband says, “Mmmm … maybe we want to wait until tomorrow before we respond.” I might wait (then again, I might not) but I do respond.

We intervene on behalf of our kids because we are protective–they often are not old enough to defend themselves well and often do not understand the nuances of proper public behavior (usually the fault of the parent).

In this case, at Chuck E. Cheese types of places, it is best to chat with the parent/adult accompanying the child and let that person handle the little monster. Sometimes a friendly talk will do wonders, e.g., “Your child seems to seriously love that game, but he might be enjoying it a little too much. Could you ask him to take a break and let the others play?” Often that works–sometimes not, but at least the argument is between 2 adults and hopefully, only words. It can be a tough situation.

Of course, my opinion is coming from someone who always kept an eagle eye on her kid and removed the child before an outburst erupted.

In all other circumstances, I would have a problem with the behavior of the parents. But I’ve been to Chuck E Cheese and it’s enough to drive a person to drink or to a psychotic breakdown in ten minutes flat. So, I say anything goes in the big Mousetrap.

“The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child’s birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant’s music stage where a robotic singing chicken and the chain’s namesake mouse perform.”

Wow, had no idea this went on at Chuck E. Cheese locations. At the one near where I live, you don’t get in unless you’re accompanying kids in the appropriate age bracket, and there certainly isn’t any alcohol served. Good grief.

Went to Chuck E Cheese once about 25 years ago to bring my son to a birthday party. Never went back, never let him go to another party in the place. It’s impossible to keep track of the kids who basically run wild while parents chat. He could have disappeared with a stranger and no one would have known for some time. And the food was terrible.

About

We're all living the family dynamic, as parents, as children, as siblings, uncles and aunts. At Motherlode, lead writer and editor KJ Dell’Antonia invites contributors and commenters to explore how our families affect our lives, and how the news affects our families—and all families. Join us to talk about education, child care, mealtime, sports, technology, the work-family balance and much more