Top 10 Funny Bernadette Wolowitz Quotes

By Miranda Moore | Monday Monday Staff - 2016-10-20

Since I am doing a quotes list, I decided that each character will get two lists. One for funny quotes and the other for more touching, sentimental quotes. These quotes were picked by me by using the quotes section on the Big Bang Theory’s site. These are not a reflection of the fan base, just me. But you find a quote you like anyway.

Penny: Oh, my God, they’re coming right towards us.

Bernadette: We got to get out of here.

Penny: Okay. Well, wait, what about Leonard?

Bernadette: He and his tiny bladder can take the bus!

Why I Picked It: I have no other reason besides “tiny bladder” is funny.

Howard: That is a good point. But I didn’t marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I’m being.

Bernadette: This is why I had to rewrite our wedding vows.

Why I Picked It: Oh, Bernadette. How do you put up with Howard?

Bernadette: I think if Raj wants to break up with a girl, he can do it.

Howard: How are you saying that with a straight face?

Bernadette: *laughs* I don’t know.

Why I Picked It: Poor Raj.

Credit: https://wornontv.net/

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I’m sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon’s work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Why I Picked It: All hail Bernadette, Queen of Burns.

Amy: Oh my gosh, that’s the girl that broke Rajesh’s heart.

Bernadette: That’s Lucy?

Penny: I don’t know why but I always pictured her as Indian.

Bernadette: I think that reason’s called racism.

Why I Picked It: Bernadette calls them as she sees them.

Bernadette: You better find my husband’s mother, ’cause one way or another we’re walking out of this airport with a dead woman.

Why I Picked It: This scene was borderline heartbreaking due to the fact that the airline lost Howard’s mother’s ashes. Bernadette’s words are not only funny, but she sticks up for her man!

Bernadette: Boy, I don’t know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up.

Howard: Why not?

Bernadette: I’m a very vengeful person.

Howard: Really?

Bernadette: With access to weaponized smallpox.

Why I Picked It: I love Bernadette. She lets no one step on her.

Bernadette: Great news. A raccoon virus just crossed the species barrier and can now infect humans.

Raj: Why is that great news?

Bernadette: In the pharmaceutical business we have a saying: mo’ infections, mo’ money.

Why I Picked It: Get it, Bernadette!

Bernadette: (Shouting at another driver) Your kid might be a honor student but you’re a moron!

Why I Picked It: We all know someone who does/thinks this.

Bernadette: (In pageant video) And you should pick me for Miss. California Quiznos 1999, because I want to tell you what I want, what I really really want. I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want. I wanna. I wanna. I wanna. I wanna, really, really, be the California Quiznos 1999.