Gentrification at its pretentious best.

Two ‘Dark-jawed’ Men Attempt To Order Coffee From Cafe During Construction.

Two bearded fuckwits were assaulted by construction workers yesterday during an aggressive attempt to order macchiato’s whilst a Northside cafe was still being built.

Ignoring advice from the workers, the two men entered the Northcote premises, sat down on crates and repeatedly shouted, ‘two short macs and a kale salad’ in-between super-pretentious updates about their recent trip to New York.

Workers were forced to remove them from the construction site after several failed attempts to let the two men know the cafe would not be open for business for another two weeks. During the fracas, the two men sustained facial injuries and torn flannelette shirts. Police described the actions of the construction workers as ‘super awesome’ and went on to say that, “those two cunts deserved more than a fuckin’ beating”.