Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The highest state of celibacy

i was on the plane to HK today and after i was seated comfortably, as usual hoping the next 2 seats beside me will be empty. when you are cramped in the coach, that is the biggest luxury, like striking 4D. Just when i thought it was my lucky day, what looked like a father and a daughter came and sat themselves next to me. Bummer. No luck. The girl was extremely jovial, speaking in a mix of Mandarin, English and very bad Cantonese, even by my Teochew standards.

The 3 and a half hours turned out to be a complete torture of feeling like a spare tyre (yes, 3rd wheel) even though i don't even know them. But that kind of cramped situation, even with my headphones, inflight movies and little inflight snacks, made me a reluctant voyeur (with little pleasure). The schmutzy mushy hair-standing meaningless lovers' talk coupled with the touchy-feely hum sup action going on, I am not sure if i was on a flight or in Tian An Men. It was completely lusty with no sense of romance, and when the girl started to do her in-flight shopping spree while her hum sup man eagerly whipped out his credit card completed the story. I took pain to be subtle and observed a ring on the 4th finger on the left hand of the man and nothing on the girl's except gory manicure.

That girl gosh she looked like 21 and that man damn he looked 55. Every time he rubbed her exposed thighs and she reacted with rubbing his balding head - i cringed with the intensity akin to watching a butcher kill a pig. the cold stale inflight air with that action going on made me feel like i was being contaminated. I feel dirty just sitting next to them and in my mind, i was pouring a whole bottle of dettol over this undesirable couple, as if it would cleanse away some of their sins and some of the dirtiness they made me tolerate. and that girl, torturing the old man with some childish orders of random commands of making him smile and frown, like 20 times, in very rare moments of devastation, i hope the plane will crash. it was that intolerable.

someone once told me, taking a flight pumps up her adrenaline and somewhat makes her high in a sexual way. In this case, the unfortunate mind of mine takes a dive into what happens in some dodgy hotel between this old man and young girl, and that makes whatever little food there was in my stomach wants to charge out of my mouth, which would propel me to the highest state of celibacy.

About Me

Kelley Cheng is a pop culture junkie who abandoned her honours degree in architecture to make a pretty cool magazine called ish. 10 years on in 2009, she abandoned her magazine to do soul searching by the poolside with pina coladas. One afternoon by pool as she was sipping her cocktail, a sudden glare appeared before her and it was the goddess Guan Yin. After the sagely encounter, she was enlightened into quitting smoking and drinking, converting to organic food and embracing a healthy life altogether. She also became an invincible designer suddenly and developed a supernatural power to use Indesign, Photoshop, Autocad and various software without touching the keyboard and simply by using mind power. In her free time now, she engages in activities that saves the earth and promotes human rights. So if you want her to take time off from saving the world to do your design, be prepared to pay very well. Very very well.