TIckle and smash blog

"Sometimes he pursued the call into the forest, looking for it as though it were a tangible thing, barking softly or defiantly... Irresistible impulses seized him. he would be lying in camp, dozing lazily in the heat of the day, when suddenly his head would lift and his ears cock up, intent and listening, and he would spring on his feet and dash away, and on and on, for hours, through the forest aisles." Call of the Wild - Jack London

I met a traveller from an antique landWho said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stoneStand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frownAnd wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold commandTell that its sculptor well those passions readWhich yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.And on the pedestal these words appear:"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"Nothing beside remains. Round the decayOf that colossal wreck, boundless and bareThe lone and level sands stretch far away.

That's me nervously, anxiously trying to make those around me happy.. My pigeon-toed two left feet have little skill but goes through the motions of the life dance anyhow. Its taken me some time to realize and a hard realization, at that .. But I'm actually crawling.

My raw feelings of vulnerability, loneliness and fear is paralyzing me. A whimper squeaks from my lips- like some one else is actually making the noises. It's barely audible and easily ignored.

"Shake it off" - or so the saying goes. I said that today to my beautiful, niece Bianca while she sat pouting, feeling sorry for herself when she banged her leg when she played. I watched her ponder a few moments whether it will be a cry worthy event or not. She decided to play instead of sulk.. And an afternoon of play we had!

I guess some uplifting words right now would be great to hear but some how I recently stopped listening to them. My life spiral is seemingly going down and my self worth going down with it. So I thought about my niece Bianca again, with all her hope, happiness and an amazing life before her. And thought "Shake It Off" ..

A child, woman and crone meet at a crossroad.And a question is asked. Have you lived well?

I dwell in their eyes, familiar and loving yet mirrors of regrets, mistakes, and decisions made.A formidable, harsh and telling record of my days, reflect back. Running from the loss and shame I stumble and fall shattered, and clinging.

Tears flow with knowledge that they were there to bear witness to it all. And suddenly I am alone and they are distant beyond my reach and lost to me.

Quietly I breathe I listen to the wind as it moves through my body and lose myself to its rhythm.Together the three circle round and lift me .. and no longer numb, I feel.I hear the ocean swell and rise with lightness in my heartbeating strong with renewed energy.

And as I move forward my initial footsteps are small. Older and grayer - I take with me everything that was learned.My burden is heavy - my body marked with scars from the wounds that had cut deep.With confidence I rise knowing I encompass all that they are.My heart will heal.

I am Legacy, I am Love and I am Victorious. With this solemn promise I make this choice to live well. Still feeling hope in their hands holding mine. And no matter the road I take I know I will not go down it alone.