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Livin’ An’ Learnin’

Emily Ratajkowski says she can’t get work in Hollywood because her Boobies are too big. Who knew? This handicap will be news to Blake Lively, Scarlett Johansson and fans of Marilyn Monroe. But we like to think we learn something new every day around here. And, maybe this answers something that has troubled us for quite some time. Why Kate Upton hasn’t had a starring role in a big time Hollywood movie as yet. And, we’re thinking maybe Emily could like do something because we really loved her in Entourage, where she played, Emily Ratajkowski. We were surprised that she wasn’t nominated for something off of that role. But were really thinking hard around here because we want to help. No one thinks she should do anything radical, like surgery. We were thinking more like, she could wear different clothes. You know, cover them up a little bit.

And Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie was photographed on the beach. The story was not covered in a very favorable manner either, as the beach he was on was closed due to various shenanigans going on in the New Jersey State government. And Chris Christie still presides over that government. There were all kinds of nasty stuff written but we were surprised that no one invoked the image of a beached whale. Not that we want to either. Just that it struck us kind of odd in this day and age where everyone is hurling insults left and right, that reporters shied away from that. Maybe it has to do with fear of getting called out for weight shaming or something. But Governor Christie’s career as an elected politician is all over and because of that, to us he was sort of sitting there on the beach, looking like a…

And while the City mourns one of our finest, Police Officer Miosotis Familia, Mayor Wilhelm, Wilhelm is over in Hamburg yukking it up with his G20 protestor, buddies. But Mayor Wilhelm, Wilhelm says he’s learned an amazing thing recently. He’s figured out that the panhandlers who have descended on the City in droves since he’s become Mayor, are bad for our quality of life. That, and he’s also realized that even though they say out loud or carry little signs that say “homeless”, they are not all homeless. Some of them he’s learned, are just con artists. Wow! And, we all thought he was dumb.

And a mystery was solved in the borough of Brooklyn. It seems there have been numerous complaints called into the City of New York’s 311 number about clamorous coitus. This all at one particular building 7201 Ridge Blvd. Clamorous coitus, is someone moaning and screaming so loud while engaging in sex, that it wakes the neighbors. We guess that in an earlier time clamorous coitus, might have frightened the horses. But one 49 year old Olga Valerio has stepped forward and admitted it is her, making all the racket. She’s stepping up now because her neighbors thought it was her daughter and the building’s 26 year old Handyman causing all the ruckus. But no, it’s the Mom and the 26 year old Handyman doing all the clamorous coitus. So mystery solved and with that, maybe we’ll all sleep better at night. Well, at least everyone at 7201 Ridge Blvd might.

4 comments to Livin’ An’ Learnin’

If there’s something we learned from this roundup of the week’s news, Sir Don, is that Chris Christie’s boobs are even bigger than Emily’s. So no work in Hollywood for him, either, after he has been driven out of New Jersey by an angry mob, or several of them.

Well, as hard as it might be to believe, the Kansas City Star did carry a cartoon depicting Christie as a “beached whale,” referring to his political career! Yes, amazing, that the Star might approach anything remotely considered “cutting edge.” Ha. But, “clamorous coitus”? Nope, nothing in Star about that. In fact, I’d never heard of it, let alone actually heard it! Thanks for the education. 🙂

Richard the IVth, you have a point. But we think her’s are a little bigger. We were going to put a comparison side by side shot here and let the readers decided but this doesn’t seem to allow us to copy here. Oh well it’s probably for the best as I didn’t really want to look at another shot of Christie at the beach.

It is comforting to know that the Kansas City Star did not succumb to the threat of being slimmed for weight shamming.

Yes clamorous coitus is on the books. It’s not a felony and not even a misdemeanor but you can file a complaint. Don’t forget there are “8 million stories in The Naked City. This has been one of them.” That’s for sure.