Tips For Putting A Stop To Aggressive Behavior

When faced with an act of aggression, most people do not know how to react appropriately.

Do you retaliate with an equally aggressive act? Do you try to placate the aggressive person with soothing words or flattery? Alternatively, do you simply ignore the behavior all together?

While these three options are the most common reactions, they are not the appropriate way of dealing with aggression.

Unless you have an in depth understanding of the causes of aggression and how to deal with it productively, you may find that you are being controlled by someone else’s aggressive behavior or worse yet, displaying the same behavior yourself.

What is Aggression?

Aggression is an act of hostility and is characterized by outright physical attacks, throwing tantrums, yelling, verbal abuse or trying to shame another person.

Aggression is also displayed in a more subtle fashion such as sabotaging a relationship, engaging in manipulative speech or behavior, or gossiping behind another person’s back. Aggression can be openly violent or it can be a subtle lashing.

It is important to know that aggressive people may not always intend to harm another individual purposely.

This does not mean that the behavior is any less aggressive in nature or that it is excusable. In order to understand how to best deal with aggression, we must look at the causes of aggression.The Most Common Causes of Aggression

There are many different theories about the root causes of aggression.

Some experts believe that aggression is the natural result of hormones such as testosterone, serotonin and other chemical reactions in the frontal lobe of the brain. They believe aggression would occur regardless of environmental influences.

While this type of aggression does exist, the more common cause of aggression is rooted in the thought processes of the aggressive individual.

Aggression is usually the result of anger.

This anger may or may not be realized by the aggressive individual.

Anger often stems from a perceived sense of loss - either loss of control of a situation, an unexpected outcome or a disappointment.

This loss of control is centered on getting one’s most important needs met.

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, there are basic needs that are universal in every human being such as being loved, feeling significant, reaching your full potential, preserving your sense of self esteem, physical, emotional and financial security or the most basic needs of food, water, shelter, clothing or sex.

This perceived sense of loss does not have to be justified in order to trigger aggressive behavior.

Especially in individuals who have suffered abuse, the person may not even be aware of what is triggering their aggression.

In fact, the individual may not even realize that their behavior is harmful to others.

Survivors of abuse often use aggression as a defense mechanism to protect themselves and do not intend to harm others.

Breaking this cycle of maladaptive behavior begins with understanding the cause and effect of aggression.

This often requires group therapy with those who are being targeted by the aggressive behavior, giving them an opportunity to explain how such hostile behaviors affect them.

Any situation that produces fear or a sense of helplessness provides the opportunity for aggressive behavior. Unfortunately, since many people have thought processes and coping patterns that are unhealthy, these feelings can arise in any situation.

This is not to say that some women do not resort to physical outbursts, just that the majority of aggressive behavior in women is more subtle.

Interrupting a conversation, criticizing the judgment of others, backbiting, spreading rumors or excluding another woman in a group are all displays of social or relational aggression, and are most often used by women.

Indirect aggression can be displayed as disapproving facial gestures, giving the cold shoulder, or making subtle negative comments.

Indirect aggression can be just as damaging to a relationship as openly aggressive actions.

Dealing with AggressionThe most productive way to deal with aggression is to acknowledge the behavior without reciprocating aggressive actions.

By explaining to the aggressor, “When you speak to me in that tone of voice, I feel afraid,” this draws attention away from the aggressor by placing emphasis on your feelings. It is possible that the aggressive person simply did not realize that her actions were adversely affecting you.

In some situations, drawing attention to the effects of the aggressive behavior is enough to stop it.

When you are engaging an aggressive person, it is vitally important that you do not allow the situation to escalate. If one or more persons involved in the conversation become agitated or distressed, calmly state that you will resume this conversation when everyone is calmer and walk away.

Never allow a confrontation to escalate into a heated discussion.

This could result in outright physical violence.

When dealing with an aggressive person, there are a few basic safety rules that should always be followed.

Never confront an aggressive person alone. This gives you a non-partial witness to the discussion.

If meeting in a conference room or office, never allow the aggressive person to position himself or herself between you and the door; this ensures that you can exit the room if things become violent.

Always plan your confrontation of the aggressive person carefully.

Choose your words in advance and avoid using “you” statements that imply that you are blaming the aggressor, such as “you treat me like a child,” or “you are being a jerk.”

Try to empathize with what the other person may be feeling or why they may be acting out.

Respect their value as another human being and try not to injure their self-esteem. Avoid becoming judgmental and never resort to personal attacks of the person’s character.

Be aware of your body language during the confrontation and avoid any actions that may provoke a sense of fear or anger in the person.

Leave the power suit at home and opt for more muted or subdued colors.

Never touch a person during a confrontation about their behavior. This can easily be perceived as a sign of physical aggression.

Setting BoundariesSince human aggression usually reoccurs unless a person undergoes intense personal counseling with a trained therapist, it is necessary to set clear boundaries after confronting an individual about her behavior.

This can be done as a joint effort by asking the aggressor what she thinks would be an appropriate response to future aggressive behavior, and agreeing on a set of behavior rules for the relationship.

Normally, calling out the aggressive behavior as inappropriate and leaving the room for a few minutes is best. You can then resume your previous conversation after the aggressor has had a few minutes to think about what just happened.

In order for boundaries to work effectively, they must be clearly defined with specific consequences.

Boundaries must also be consistently enforced. Inconsistent consequences only encourage further maladaptive behavior.

Dealing with aggression requires patience, insight and understanding. Aggressive behavior should not be counteracted with further aggressive behavior, be it indirect, relational or outright physical aggression. Respect, understanding and constraint are all tools that can be used to put a stop to the cycle of aggressive behavior.

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