It's easy to get swept up with major Hollywood stars this time of year, gazing at the red carpet and thinking of these celebs as superhuman megastars, but even the biggest names around got their starts in less glamorous ways. Before their Oscars and Emmys, these stars had Pop Tarts and Lisa Frank.
1. Ben Affleck
Dig those smooth moves and that hip phone! The two-time Oscar winner starred in this Burger King commercial before becoming the megastar we know today from films like Good Will Hunting and Gone Girl. His next role may be playing Batman, but now we'll always think of him as this bad boy who breaks the rules.
2. Brad Pitt
It may be crazy to see a superstar like Brad Pitt shelling for potato chips, but if you think about it, not much has really changed for the Oscar-winning Fight Club star since this Pringles commercial: he still looks good enough to make our mouths water.
3. Jennifer Lawrence
Since starring in this commercial for MTV's Super Sweet 16, Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence has taught those boys how to properly carry her around on her throne, where this Oscar-winning actress belongs.
4. Stanley Tucci
We've always loved The Devil Wears Prada's Stanley Tucci, but seeing him young and hunky in this Levi's commercial made us love him even more.
5. Steve Carell
Steve Carell may have received his first Oscar nomination for his dramatic role in Foxcatcher, but this commercial shows that he's at his best when he's being funny and lovable.
6. Leonardo DiCaprio
We're like 97% sure we'd take our pants off immediately if Leo came up to us now and told us to "keep it poppin" or to "save some for Daddy." The 5-time Academy Award nominee is underrated even when it comes to his commercials.
7. Haley Joel Osment
We're just gonna throw this out there: The Sixth Sense could have been a much better movie if they'd stuck to the original line, "I see snack dragons." Just saying. Also, not even a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle would eat a pizza that looks that gross, Kraft.
8. Naomi Watts
Young Naomi Watts, the two-time Academy Award nominee you know from films like Birdman and Mulholland Drive, was once a teenager with a thick Australian accent. Like most of us, the near-perfect actress worried about her skin, her figure, and "that one" problem we don't talk about.
9. Bruce Willis and Sharon Stone
"You sound like a commercial." "You buyin' it?" This is the greatest moment of either of their careers. Just kidding, Sharon Stone has gone on to many other performances that are just as good, if not better.
10. Mila Kunis
So, we guess we can thank Mila Kunis for helping make Lisa Frank such a thing in the 90s. It's hard to believe that the star was only two years away from her breakout role on That '70s Show.
11. Elijah Wood:
We've always had a lot of love for Elijah Wood's facial expressions. From Lord of the Rings to Wilfred, his face is sometimes the only thing that makes his performances entertaining. This commercial might just be his shining moment.
12. Kristen Stewart
We love how sassy Kristen Stewart is in this Porsche commercial -- that head nod and "duh" look on her face, as if she would lie about missing her bus, Dad. But secretly, she's all *Live Fast, Die Hard, Bad Girls, Do It Well* #YOLO. Performance of her career, honestly.
13. Meg Ryan
We would personally rather watch a never-ending loop of Meg Ryan's face appearing over the Burger King logo than watch Sleepless in Seattle.
14. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
How many times have we fantasized about the chance to be at Joseph Gordon Levitt's house with him making us breakfast in the morning? Countless. But we never imagined it could be as adorable and delicious as this 1991 Pop Tarts commercial makes it seem.
15. Tobey Maguire
Yo, Spider-Man is having an uncomfortable amount of fun in the bathroom.
16. Corey Feldman
This adorable McDonalds commercial from 1975 may have been heartwarming back then, but 40 years later, it just reminds us how much The Goonies star hasn't aged since he was 4.
17. Demi Moore
We're not sure if the Ghost star was trying to sell Diet Coke by convincing us we might fall in love, or if she was trying to warn us of the dangers and health problems that could arise from drinking it, but we still like it.
18. Keanu Reeves:
Eating cereal has seriously never looked more fun than it does in this commercial. We would love to eat Kelloggs Corn Flakes with Keanu, Matrix style.
19. Stephen Colbert
This ad seems like a news report, and we can totally see a lot of similarities between this FirsTier Bank commercial and The Colbert Report.
20. Matt LeBlanc
Okay, the best things might come to those who wait, but does the Friends star now have to run back up to the roof, or is he just gonna waste that whole bottle of ketchup just to look cool eating one hot dog? Joey. Doesn't. Waste. Food.
21. Courteney Cox
Fun fact: the Friends star was the first person to ever say "period" (referring to menstruation, not punctuation) on TV. She then broke down more boundaries by starring in terribly-named-but-not-actually-terrible TV shows, like Cougar Town.
22. Elisabeth Moss
Are we the only ones watching this commercial as if we're watching Pegy pitch an ad campaign on Mad Men? We can't be.
23. Sarah Michelle Gellar
This 4-year-old Sarah Michelle Gellar just slayed Burger King's competition faster than you could say "Buffy." Un-be-liev-able!
24. Bryan Cranston
Fans were amazed with how Bryan Cranston transformed from the lovable Hal on Malcolm in the Middle into the meth kingpin Heisenberg on Breaking Bad, but the truly incredible transformation of his career happened way earlier. The way he instantly goes from being a skunk to a human is absolutely astonishing.
25. Aaron Paul
This commercial seems like it could actually just be Breaking Bad's Jesse Pinkman waiting to eat his breakfast before heading off to Chemistry with Mr. White, doesn't it? Aaron Paul's gotta have his Pops, bitch!
26. Megan Mullally and John Goodman
We love Karen Walker enough to be able to recognize that incredible voice anywhere, even if it's some place strange, like a McDonalds commercial. While Karen would certainly never actually sell Egg McMuffins, we're pretty sure that Roseanne star John Goodman totally would.
27. Seth Green
We don't mean to diminish the abilities of our favorite werewolf from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or our favorite dimwitted cartoon son from Family Guy, but this is definitely Seth Green's brightest moment. That hair, the accent. He totally nails the 90s goon role with lines like, "Consequently, we can hit on 'em," and "Definitely - NOT!"
28. Tony Hale
Tony Hale won our hearts playing Buster on Arrested Development (and an Emmy playing Gary on Veep), and this commercial proves that he's made a career out of his hilarious concern regarding women's toiletries. We wonder if Gary's Leviathan on Veep has Herbal Essences.
29. Charlie Day
This quirky commercial for Cascade dishwasher detergent looks like Charlie Day just stepped out of an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Graduating and heading straight into retirement also seems like a total Charlie Kelly scheme, doesn't it?
30. Jane Lynch
Okay, the only thing we love more than Frosted Flakes and Tony the Tiger is this commercial with Glee star Jane Lynch camping out everyday trying to sneak a peak at the elusive mascot himself.

DreamWorks
For the bulk of every Rocky and Bullwinkle episode, moose and squirrel would engage in high concept escapades that satirized geopolitics, contemporary cinema, and the very fabrics of the human condition. With all of that to work with, there's no excuse for why the pair and their Soviet nemeses haven't gotten a decent movie adaptation. But the ingenious Mr. Peabody and his faithful boy Sherman are another story, intercut between Rocky and Bullwinkle segments to teach kids brief history lessons and toss in a nearly lethal dose of puns. Their stories and relationship were much simpler, which means that bringing their shtick to the big screen would entail a lot more invention — always risky when you're dealing with precious material.
For the most part, Mr. Peabody &amp; Sherman handles the regeneration of its heroes aptly, allowing for emotionally substance in their unique father-son relationship and all the difficulties inherent therein. The story is no subtle metaphor for the difficulties surrounding gay adoption, with society decreeing that a dog, no matter how hyper-intelligent, cannot be a suitable father. The central plot has Peabody hosting a party for a disapproving child services agent and the parents of a young girl with whom 7-year-old Sherman had a schoolyard spat, all in order to prove himself a suitable dad. Of course, the WABAC comes into play when the tots take it for a spin, forcing Peabody to rush to their rescue.
Getting down to personals, we also see the left brain-heavy Peabody struggle with being father Sherman deserves. The bulk of the emotional marks are hit as we learn just how much Peabody cares for Sherman, and just how hard it has been to accept that his only family is growing up and changing.
DreamWorks
But more successful than the new is the film's handling of the old — the material that Peabody and Sherman purists will adore. They travel back in time via the WABAC Machine to Ancient Egypt, the Renaissance, and the Trojan War, and 18th Century France, explaining the cultural backdrop and historical significance of the settings and characters they happen upon, all with that irreverent (but no longer racist) flare that the old cartoons enjoyed. And oh... the puns.
Mr. Peabody &amp; Sherman is a f**king treasure trove of some of the most amazingly bad puns in recent cinema. This effort alone will leave you in awe.
The film does unravel in its final act, bringing the science-fiction of time travel a little too close to the forefront and dropping the ball on a good deal of its emotional groundwork. What seemed to be substantial building blocks do not pay off in the way we might, as scholars of animated family cinema, have anticipated, leaving the movie with an unfinished feeling.
But all in all, it's a bright, compassionate, reasonably educational, and occasionally funny if not altogether worthy tribute to an old favorite. And since we don't have our own WABAC machine to return to a time of regularly scheduled Peabody and Sherman cartoons, this will do okay for now.
If nothing else, it's worth your time for the puns.
3/5
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Lions Gate via Everett Collection
When we last left our heroes, they had conquered all opponents in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, returned home to their newly refurbished living quarters in District 12, and fallen haplessly to the cannibalism of PTSD. And now we're back! Hitching our wagons once again to laconic Katniss Everdeen and her sweet-natured, just-for-the-camera boyfriend Peeta Mellark as they gear up for a second go at the Capitol's killing fields.
But hold your horses — there's a good hour and a half before we step back into the arena. However, the time spent with Katniss and Peeta before the announcement that they'll be competing again for the ceremonial Quarter Quell does not drag. In fact, it's got some of the film franchise's most interesting commentary about celebrity, reality television, and the media so far, well outweighing the merit of The Hunger Games' satire on the subject matter by having Katniss struggle with her responsibilities as Panem's idol. Does she abide by the command of status quo, delighting in the public's applause for her and keeping them complacently saturated with her smiles and curtsies? Or does Katniss hold three fingers high in opposition to the machine into which she has been thrown? It's a quarrel that the real Jennifer Lawrence would handle with a castigation of the media and a joke about sandwiches, or something... but her stakes are, admittedly, much lower. Harvey Weinstein isn't threatening to kill her secret boyfriend.
Through this chapter, Katniss also grapples with a more personal warfare: her devotion to Gale (despite her inability to commit to the idea of love) and her family, her complicated, moralistic affection for Peeta, her remorse over losing Rue, and her agonizing desire to flee the eye of the public and the Capitol. Oftentimes, Katniss' depression and guilty conscience transcends the bounds of sappy. Her soap opera scenes with a soot-covered Gale really push the limits, saved if only by the undeniable grace and charisma of star Lawrence at every step along the way of this film. So it's sappy, but never too sappy.
In fact, Catching Fire is a masterpiece of pushing limits as far as they'll extend before the point of diminishing returns. Director Francis Lawrence maintains an ambiance that lends to emotional investment but never imposes too much realism as to drip into territories of grit. All of Catching Fire lives in a dreamlike state, a stark contrast to Hunger Games' guttural, grimacing quality that robbed it of the life force Suzanne Collins pumped into her first novel.
Once we get to the thunderdome, our engines are effectively revved for the "fun part." Katniss, Peeta, and their array of allies and enemies traverse a nightmare course that seems perfectly suited for a videogame spin-off. At this point, we've spent just enough time with the secondary characters to grow a bit fond of them — deliberately obnoxious Finnick, jarringly provocative Johanna, offbeat geeks Beedee and Wiress — but not quite enough to dissolve the mystery surrounding any of them or their true intentions (which become more and more enigmatic as the film progresses). We only need adhere to Katniss and Peeta once tossed in the pit of doom that is the 75th Hunger Games arena, but finding real characters in the other tributes makes for a far more fun round of extreme manhunt.
But Catching Fire doesn't vie for anything particularly grand. It entertains and engages, having fun with and anchoring weight to its characters and circumstances, but stays within the expected confines of what a Hunger Games movie can be. It's a good one, but without shooting for succinctly interesting or surprising work with Katniss and her relationships or taking a stab at anything but the obvious in terms of sending up the militant tyrannical autocracy, it never even closes in on the possibility of being a great one.
3.5/5
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Oscar winner Dame Helen Mirren and pop star Ellie Goulding are among the leading ladies representing Britain in the latest fashion campaign for U.K. retail giant Marks & Spencer. Model/musician Karen Elson, boxing champion Nicola Adams, Vogue's Grace Coddington and artist Tracey Emin also feature in the new advertisements, which salute Britain's best women from the worlds of entertainment, music and sport.
The striking images, snapped by acclaimed photographer Annie Leibovitz, feature quintessentially British backdrops, such as lush green hills and the River Thames.
Patrick Bousquet-Chavanne, Executive Director Marketing and Business Development at M&S, says, "Annie was the perfect choice to shoot a campaign of this magnitude. Annie's photography has become synonymous with defining key moments in the history of brands over the years and, as such, we feel that this campaign is the ideal way to illustrate M&S' move into a new era."

How can you tell if someone is a sociopath? It’s an intriguing yet terrifying question that many of us have never had to consider. However, after tuning in to tonight’s sneak peek of episode of the new ABC Family drama Twisted, you’ll never look at your family and friends the same way again.
Following the heart-pounding Season 4 premiere of Pretty Little Liars, stay tuned to catch the entire first episode of Twisted — an hourlong murder mystery thriller that will make you gasp from disbelief and shriek, then sigh contentedly because you’ve found your next new favorite show. To get you as excited as we are, Hollywood.com chatted with star Maddie Hasson to bring you five terrifyingly fun reasons why Twisted will quickly become your newest TV obsession.
1. If You Love Pretty Little Liars… You’ll absolutely adore Twisted. Set in the small east coast town of Green Grove, a murder — or should we say murders — devastates the community and it’s nearly impossible to tell who can be trusted. “I think fans of Pretty Little Liars would love Twisted,” Hasson says. “It has that dramatic element that Pretty Little Liars perfects in all their episodes, where you never know what’s going to happen next.”
But the mysteries that plague Green Grove are completely different from the black-hoodie events we've watched in Rosewood. The actress explains that Twisted captures the essence of all ABC Family's shows, but presents it in a way we’ve never seen before. “There’s tons of twists and turns, and every episode is going to leave you thinking, 'I have no idea what could possibly happen next!'” she says.
2. The Ultimate Bad Boy: Twisted centers on Danny Desai (Avan Jogia) and believe us when we say that you’ve never met a bad boy quite like this before. Danny is a teen with a troubled past who returns to Green Grove after spending a good majority of his youth in juvenile hall. Although we cannot reveal exactly why Danny was locked away in Juvie for so many years, we can tell you that it’s a jaw-dropping, throat-clutching, can’t believe ABC Family let this one slide answer. In short: it’s terrifyingly twisted. “Oh! We’re going for it!” Hasson teases. All we can say is you need to watch tonight’s episode, because you wouldn’t believe us even if we told you!
3. Three Lovely Ladies: Way back in the simple yet splendid days of middle school, Danny, Jo (Hasson) and Lacey (Kylie Bunbury) were best friends — but now many years and one horrific experience later, the three have drifted apart. Hasson explains that the two former lady besties have now become polar opposites of one another. “They both really just went to opposite ends of the spectrum, personality-wise. Lacey became this popular outgoing person,” she says. “And Jo became super reclusive. She dresses really grungy and she likes to keep to herself and is very solemn in the first episode.”
Adding to the mix is Regina (Karyn Moore), Lacey’s closest friend in the popular clique. Hasson explains, “Regina is probably the sassiest and her character is really vivacious and cool. You’re going to love this character because she is hilarious in literally every scene.” And if you’re guessing that ABC Family is laying the groundwork for some potential love triangles then you would be very correct. Hasson teases, “It’s really possible that it could go there, they all have really individual strong bonds with each other so I feel like it could definitely cross that line at some point.”
4. Hot Mama: Two words: Denise Richards. That’s right the Wild Things star is ready to unleash her inner Stepford Wife as the mother of our troubled protagonist Danny. Richard plays Karen Ryder and Hasson describes her as a Real Housewife of Green Grove. “She is really good at putting on a good face. She would be great at giving interviews or being a politician,” Hasson says of Richards' character.
From an outsider looking in, it would appear that Karen is thrilled to have her son back home, however appearances can be twisted into hiding one’s true feelings. “I’m not even sure of her feelings on it honestly,” Hasson says. “Her character is that good at concealing what she’s feeling. [Karen] is one of the most mysterious characters in this show.” Hmm, and so the plot thickens!
5. Worth the Wait: By now you should be jumping up and down with anticipation for tonight’s episode — but keep in mind, future Twisted lovers, this is just the beginning! The series will leave you craving more more and this season will be a truly Twisted journey.
“The last scene leaves you with such a cliffhanger that it’s really mean of them to do this,” teases the 18-year-old actress. “I haven’t even gotten the second script yet and I’m dying and waiting to see what happens next. After the last scene you’re going to want to see where the relationship between Danny and Lacey and Jo goes. It’s on the edge of being something more with each of their characters, but you’ll have to watch what happens next.”
Don't miss the series premiere of Twisted tonight at 9 PM on ABC Family.
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More:‘Pretty Little Liars’: Who Will Be The Next Death In Rosewood? — Vote!'Pretty Little Liars' Fans Will Get A Shocking Reveal In Season 4 Premiere'Pretty Little Liars' Season 4: Is Mona Officially Off The 'a' Team?
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In case you missed it, it's 2013. You'd think that by now, no one would need to petition for Barbie birthday supplies that are indicative of the diversity of our nation. Apparently not.
Representing different ethnicities is just too hard for toy giant Mattel, at least that's what they just told one mother who petitioned to see birthday party supplies with more variety than just the grinning mug of one blonde Barbie. namely, her daughter wanted birthday items that also feature a black Barbie. Mattel couldn't comply, because duh, getting people to buy Barbie supplies without the iconic blondie at the center is impossible — never mind the fact that ethnically diverse dolls make them millions of dollars every single day.
Karen Green Braithwaite makes that exact point in her petition on Change.org. Barbie has won over Braithwate's daughter with the brand's ability to give little girls the opportunity to see themselves reflected in a doll whose ambition knows no bounds. Why is it so difficult to see that in all areas of their merchandizing?
According to the Observer, representatives from Mattel called Braithwaite into a conference call and told her that licensees wouldn't carry the supplies and that focus groups tested negatively for diverse paper plates, cups, and napkins. But it seems rather strange that the company took the time to not only respond to their petitioner, but respond with such a negative answer. The Barbie name has already come under fire for its unrealistic depictions of women, many critics connecting Barbie's shape to the body image issue rampant among young women. Why would Mattel want to put out the word that they've simply given up on diversity in some elements of their business? Why not just tell the petitioner they'd "look into it" or give some other, more diplomatic response?
Of course, a spokesperson for Mattel says they did just that. "What we said was that we are looking at how we can work with our partners to redesign a new line as the current line of Barbie party products has been discontinued ... Development of new products takes a minimum of 18 months from creative development to sell in to production to being on shelves in stores and as such consumers will not see any new product in the near term," they said.
If, however, Mattel is correct and they've not been able to sell more ethnically diverse party supplies, Barbie still may be the problem, however unintentionally. Barbie is the original doll, the star amongst the Midges, Skippers, Teresas, and Kens. It's always been her show, and as much as her character is a blank slate for whatever adventures young kids can dream up (heck, there's even a President Barbie, years before we'll see a woman as the POTUS), her racially limited universe promotes an ideal that doesn't at all represent the nation we live in.
Take a single look at Mattel's Barbie website and you can see there's not an inch that isn't occupied by a bouncy, smiling blonde girl. If you click around enough, you can eventually find Barbie's friends, which include a black girl named Nikki, a gluten-free girl named Teresa, and a vaguely Latina girl named Raquelle — but without the tenacity to comb over every inch of the website, the message is decidely blonde. There isn't a single featured photo or graphic on the website's main pages that shows our main character, Barbie, palling around with her diverse group of friends, and you'd be hard-pressed to find a page that features Teresa or Nikki instead of Miss Barbie. And if this is the strong message Mattel is promoting, it's no wonder they have had trouble selling diverse merchandise: it comes in opposition to the message the brand has cultivated with its one-shade-fits-all presentation.
The birthday supplies are admittedly less popular and lucrative than the dolls, but this is not a small issue. It feeds into a larger suggestion: that the other dolls are lesser dolls and that only Barbie can be the star. But on a day when the little girl (or boy) in question is supposed to "celebrate themselves" (as Braithwate puts it in her petition), shouldn't he or she be able to choose which character is the star? Wouldn't Barbie, herself, want her other friends to have their special days, too? Shouldn't kids have a merchandise choice that puts the doll that reflects themselves best at center stage?
It's something even Disney — whose lineup of Princesses includes Middle Eastern Princess Jasmine and the newest edition, a young black woman named Tiana — has managed to change. Disney's Princess birthday supplies feature all the princesses in equal measure, with sets of cups and napkins that give each lady her own featured moment. With that in mind, it seems strange to think that the best Barbie can do is to add small images of a brown-skinned Barbie and a brunette to the borders of a handful of party supplies, while everything else is a parade of Barbie's big blonde head.
Of course, if market research says it doesn't sell, Mattel's hands are somewhat tied: they're a business, not a non-profit group. But perhaps that just means it's time for parents to take up some agency and instead of trying to change a stalwart brand, reevaluate which toy lines to expose their kids to. If she can't handle true diversity and inclusion, then maybe it's simply time to say Bye-bye, Barbie.
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Watch Out, Tonight Show:You're not the only one moving to NYC! America's Got Talent — which used to be in Los Angeles, then moved to New Jersey for judge Howard Stern — is moving yet again, this time to the Big Apple. The reality series, which premieres Tuesday, June 4, will film its live shows at Radio City Music Hall for Season 8. Also, following Sharon Osbourne's departure, Heidi Klum and Mel B will be joining Stern and Howie Mandel, as they together judge the juggernaut of America's talent. [Hollywood Reporter]
Never Knew How Much We Missed You?: Tia Mowry, forever known as 1 of the 2 stars of the '90s sitcom Sister, Sister, is back — but this time, she's a mom. And it's kind of confusing. Mowry will star as a party girl turned mom (she marries a rich older dude with step-kids), for a comedy pilot Instant Mom on Nick at Nite. The interesting part is that the series will run its episodes on NickMom — making it the first scripted series for the primetime TV block. The show will then air repeats on Nick at Nite. [Deadline]
The Walking Dead Gets New Regulars: A couple of cast members from the series are movin' on up to the regular side — and we don't mean going from undead to alive (no one's discovered that cure yet). Chad Coleman (Tyreese), Sonequa Martin-Green (Sasha) and Emily Kinney (Beth Greene) will be joining the also-recently-upped David Morrissey (The Governor) in full-time status for the upcoming fourth season. Melissa Ponzio (Karen) is also set to recur as a guest star. Sorry, Carol (portrayed by Melissa McBride), looks like this ain't your year to join the big leagues (again). [Deadline]
Super-Sizing American Idol: Starting with this week’s results episode on Thursday, American Idol will keep the cameras rolling on its eliminated contestants after the episode ends. The new feature is called “Still Rolling,” and will give fans access to what really happens after the final votes are announced. Viewers will see promos running on Thursday’s Idol, then get a behind-the-scenes peek during special airings of New Girl and The Mindy Project. The first piece will air at 9:14 PM ET and the second piece five minutes later. The other two will air around 9:44 PM ET and 9:52 PM ET. [THR]
Season 5 of Misfits Will Be Its Last: The British hit-drama Misfits will end its series after five action-packed seasons. The fifth and final season, which will consist of eight hour-long episodes, is set to premiere Fall 2013 in the UK. American fans can tune in to the superhero show on Hulu and Hulu Plus. [HuffPost TV]
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Critics of Girls’ second season often name a series of unrealistic happenings as fuel for the Lena Dunham-facing fire. Marnie wouldn’t be with a psychotic, self-important artist who locked her in a closet of violent moving images, older crankster Ray would never actually date a manic young girl like Shoshanna, and Hannah certainly wouldn’t have a book deal (E or otherwise) without some sort of actual writing as a foundation for her sudden discovery (the girl doesn’t even have a blog, to our knowledge). “On All Fours” felt like a direct response to those critics, as literally every major character and their emotionally relevant partners come crashing down as a result of their own personal catastrophes. And despite the unrealistic sensation that comes with the farcical notion that all of these friends would be imploding simultaneously, the varying degrees of downward spiral are draped with such honesty that it’s hard not to find the realism in each isolated incident.
First, comes the dance between Hannah’s solitary journey and Adam’s with his new girlfriend Natalia. At the beginning of the episode, Natalia’s every word is clearly laid out as a means of drawing lines between her and Hannah. Natalia has Adam come to her at her impeccable (presumably Manhattan) apartment. She’s direct; she tells him that she’s ready to have sex and just how (not) kinky she’s willing to get. She won’t put cream in her coffee because she’s watching her petite figure. And most importantly, after just a week, she’s already bringing him to her friend’s engagement party and calling him her boyfriend.
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This all comes in stark contrast to Hannah who let him control their sexual encounters in his cavelike apartment, who doesn’t meticulously cater her diet to maintaining a tight body, and who was closed off to a real relationship with him even after he gave her the girlfriend title she so craved in Season 1. Natalia is the anti-Hannah. But it’s clear, even early on, that everything Adam decides is wonderful about Natalia is still deemed wonderful through the Hannah filter he’s built up after she broke his heart.
It’s a filter that’s thrown out of whack when Hannah stumbles, without pants or bra, back into his life while he’s escaping the sheer boredom of Natalia’s shallow friends at the engagement party. Hannah, whose anxiety and OCD have continued to escalate thanks to her editor calling her stories of friendship “like Jane Austen.” She needs to up her game, perhaps by writing about deflowering Jessa’s (hopefully) 18-year-old step brother on her trip upstate, but it’s simply making matters worse. When she scrapes her behind on her crappy Greenpoint apartment floor and gets something lodged in her buttock, it starts a fit of extreme cleanliness that many an anxiety-ridden twenty-something can understand. She furiously cleans her rear-wound before moving onto her ears with Q tips, or the reason ear-candles (as weird as they may be) are a sound investment. Her anxiety overwhelms her and the need to get her ears as clean as they can possibly boils over until (even writing about this scene is making my stomach turn like I’m stuck on a skiff in stormy ocean waters) she ruptures her eardrum with the Q tip.
Cut to Hannah rolling around in pain on the floor, calling her parents, who clearly can’t come to her aid from Michigan. When her parents ask where her friends are, the replica of that twentysomething sensation of the downside of independence is overwhelming. Hannah has friends, but between her anxiety and her tension with Marnie, plus the work on her book, she’s in one of those frequent moments of unrelenting solitude. It’s one of those moments where you are unintentionally alone for a somewhat prolonged period of time. It’s something that happens to every young person, especially when life is at its most impossible, like adulthood’s way of forcing us to acknowledge our independence and learn to deal with these trials with our own personal strength.
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But as Hannah writhes, and later as she cries while the urgent care doctor inspects her bleeding ear, she’s fully experiencing the weight of that loneliness. And this comes just weeks after her confession to Patrick Wilson’s Brooklyn prince. She just wants to be loved and cared for, and right now, lying in the emergency room with a doctor she doesn’t know staring into her ear canal with a sterilized instrument and no one’s hand to hold, the loneliness is all-consuming. The feeling, for Hannah, is exacerbated by her own anxieties and personal failures from earlier that day, but it’s a feeling that’s universal. And like most truly gut-wrenching moments on Girls, a feeling that most people dare not articulate.
It’s this loneliness that pervades her encounter with Adam as he’s standing outside Natalia’s friend’s engagement party. Hannah, in her unbearably solitary state is thrilled to see the man whose phone call triggered her anxiety just last week. She longs for that personal connection, at any costs. But when he tells her triumphantly that he’s got a girlfriend, Hannah’s thrown back until Adam once again uses his pet name for her (“Kid”) when the bloody Q tip riles up his concern for her. He catches her leaning into his concern and immediately shuts it down, returning quickly through the bar’s swinging door before she can even get out her sentence about how she’s got a book deal.
Hannah returns home, still without pants, to stare at her instrument of torture in the bathroom. And then, as some way of feeling something, anything, she shoves the other end of the bloody Q tip into her ear. The scene ends before we know just how far that Q tip went, but even the sheer act of sticking it her ear even part of the way is a method of her reliving this day, which made her feel extreme pain and a day that, on some level, reconnected her to Adam.
It’s a connection that he attempts to escape by leaving Hannah on the street, but he walks straight up to the bar and orders a Jack and ginger, the first drink he’s had since he got sober at 17. (Keep in mind, he met Natalia’s meddling mother at an AA meeting.) Natalia, who doesn’t know the depth of issues, sees it as a trivial step and encourages his drinking and the two wind up smashed and writhing together on the dance floor before he takes her home to his Prospect Heights den. She’s taken aback, telling him his apartment is darker than he is, which is the last kind thing she’ll ever want to say to him, as well as a signal to the viewers that there’s no way she really knows Adam and no way she ever will.
And despite the graphic, borderline-non-consensual sexual encounter that follows, it feels as if the writers want us to see this as some sort of nod to Adam and Hannah as the more logical relationship. Aside from the look of sheer shame on Natalia’s face when Adam rolls away and a pool of his ejaculate can be seen on her chest, the encounter is not unlike the first few encounters between Hannah and Adam. Only now, he’s got the wrong partner. And he knows it, ending the three uncomfortable minutes by saying, “So that’s it. Are you done with me?” knowing full well that everything he did would drive her away. A simple “Hi there” on the street from Hannah unravels him to the core, and on some level it feels like we’re supposed to hope these two return to each other, though not in the same sense that any “ship-able” television relationship has ever played out.
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With Hannah and Adam, I’m fearful of using terms like “right” or even “compatible,” because they imply bliss and good times - the sort of relationship that involves lazy Saturday brunches and strolling down city streets hand-in-hand in the afternoon sunshine. That’s not what Hannah and Adam have or could ever have, but what they do have is something far more true and real to their characters, as uncomfortable as it may be. And Adam’s sudden spiral is a clear expression of that.
In Marnie-land, which is what I’m going to use to refer to Marnie’s delusional state, she’s making headway as a "real musician." She’s even got a “track” for Ray to help her “lay down” on her Mac. Unfortunately for her, Ray is too consumed with Shoshanna’s distant nature (more on that in a minute) to give her any valuable feedback; something like “you sound like Karen Carpenter was robbed of all her charisma” or “you can’t do an acoustic version of Kanye West’s ‘Stronger’ without incurring monumental embarrassment” would have sufficed, but his disinterested brand of help leaves Marnie with the delusional self-confidence that has plagued her all season. It’s what allows her to be okay with her sexy cocktail waitress job. It’s what allowed her to put up with Booth Jonathan’s degrading sexual tastes as long as she got to be his “girlfriend,” an unattainable title she placed all her hopes and dreams upon even pitting that success against Hannah’s book deal just a few episodes ago. Now, the delusion has reached balloon status, blowing up out of control after learning of Charlie’s sudden start-up success.
After Charlie blows her off for lunch, he invites her to his company’s celebration of reaching a user milestone and Marnie's self-important enough to think that she can sing an acoustic version of “Stronger” and that it will somehow be received as an artistic revelation, as if there aren't 25 teenagers doing the same thing on YouTube at this very moment. She’s also got her head so far wrapped up in Marnie-land that she can’t see that doing this at Charlie’s party isn’t a “treat,” as she calls it, but a giant embarrassment for her and for Charlie. Still, it gives her exactly what she wants and exactly what Charlie, whose empire is built on an app he made so he’d stop calling her, exactly the opposite of what he needs to do move on with his life. He pulls her aside after her shameful, white bread display and tells her she’s spiraling. Her confidence that it sometimes “feels bad to be good” and that it’s just her “journey” are only further indications of how lost she is, and this vulnerability gives Charlie a sense of power over her. It’s something he’s never had with her, and its drug-like presence draws him in. Marnie gets the attention she so desperately craves and Charlie finally has the satisfaction of being the one with the power, but like Adam and Hannah, neither one has made fruitful decisions.
Finally, we have Ray and Shoshanna, who’s still reeling with guilt over making out with the hot door man at her friend’s party. After she avoids Ray all night and drives him wild with jealousy, Ray finally confronts her and asks what her deal is. She cutely responds that she “held hands” with a door man, which is an explanation that only Shoshanna could get away with - and only with a man 10 years older than her who doesn’t understand the boundaries of her naivety. He finds it endearing, and Shoshanna feels like she’s off the hook momentarily, but the look of sheer terror on her face as he tells her he loves her “so much” is the kiss of death. She’s seen that the grass can be greener, or at least a different shade of green, on the other side and she’s curious about what other kinds of grass are out there. Where Ray, in his 30s, has had time to look for and find the woman he’s meant to be with, Shosh just got started. She’s sensing this and while she may also be fearful that Ray may find out the whole truth about her security closet playtime, I’d wager she’s more terrified that she’s stuck in a relationship with an adult before she’s had time to explore and develop for herself.
And despite the easy nature of the Shoshanna and Ray story line compared to the sheer horror of Adam’s and Hannah’s stories, the common thread here is that of making mistakes. Hannah made the mistake of feeding into her anxiety. Adam made the huge mistake of falling off the wagon. Marnie made so many mistakes I’m not even sure where to begin. And Shosh made a mistake when she tied herself so resolutely to a serious relationship before she understood what else was out there. Of course the question now is, will all these mistakes beget bigger ones? If Girls continues its relentless penchant for capturing the reality of submerged emotions and interpersonal relationships, then the answer is a resounding “yes.”
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: HBO]
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David Mitchell's novel Cloud Atlas consists of six stories set in various periods between 1850 and a time far into Earth's post-apocalyptic future. Each segment lives on its own the previous first person account picked up and read by a character in its successor creating connective tissue between each moment in time. The various stories remain intact for Tom Tykwer's (Run Lola Run) Lana Wachowski's and Andy Wachowski's (The Matrix) film adaptation which debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival. The massive change comes from the interweaving of the book's parts into one three-hour saga — a move that elevates the material and transforms Cloud Atlas in to a work of epic proportions.
Don't be turned off by the runtime — Cloud Atlas moves at lightning pace as it cuts back and forth between its various threads: an American notary sailing the Pacific; a budding musician tasked with transcribing the hummings of an accomplished 1930's composer; a '70s-era investigatory journalist who uncovers a nefarious plot tied to the local nuclear power plant; a book publisher in 2012 who goes on the run from gangsters only to be incarcerated in a nursing home; Sonmi~451 a clone in Neo Seoul who takes on the oppressive government that enslaves her; and a primitive human from the future who teams with one of the few remaining technologically-advanced Earthlings in order to survive. Dense but so was the unfamiliar world of The Matrix. Cloud Atlas has more moving parts than the Wachowskis' seminal sci-fi flick but with additional ambition to boot. Every second is a sight to behold.
The members of the directing trio are known for their visual prowess but Cloud Atlas is a movie about juxtaposition. The art of editing is normally a seamless one — unless someone is really into the craft the cutting of a film is rarely a post-viewing talking point — but Cloud Atlas turns the editor into one of the cast members an obvious player who ties the film together with brilliant cross-cutting and overlapping dialogue. Timothy Cavendish the elderly publisher could be musing on his need to escape and the film will wander to the events of Sonmi~451 or the tortured music apprentice Robert Frobisher also feeling the impulse to run. The details of each world seep into one another but the real joy comes from watching each carefully selected scene fall into place. You never feel lost in Cloud Atlas even when Tykwer and the Wachowskis have infused three action sequences — a gritty car chase in the '70s a kinetic chase through Neo Seoul and a foot race through the forests of future millennia — into one extended set piece. This is a unified film with distinct parts echoing the themes of human interconnectivity.
The biggest treat is watching Cloud Atlas' ensemble tackle the diverse array of characters sprinkled into the stories. No film in recent memory has afforded a cast this type of opportunity yet another form of juxtaposition that wows. Within a few seconds Tom Hanks will go from near-neanderthal to British gangster to wily 19th century doctor. Halle Berry Hugh Grant Jim Sturgess Jim Broadbent Ben Whishaw Hugo Weaving and Susan Sarandon play the same game taking on roles of different sexes races and the like. (Weaving as an evil nurse returning to his Priscilla Queen of the Desert cross-dressing roots is mind-blowing.) The cast's dedication to inhabiting their roles on every level helps us quickly understand the worlds. We know it's Halle Berry behind the fair skinned wife of the lunatic composer but she's never playing Halle Berry. Even when the actors are playing variations on themselves they're glowing with the film's overall epic feel. Jim Broadbent's wickedly funny modern segment a Tykwer creation that packs a particularly German sense of humor is on a smaller scale than the rest of the film but the actor never dials it down. Every story character and scene in Cloud Atlas commits to a style. That diversity keeps the swirling maelstrom of a movie in check.
Cloud Atlas poses big questions without losing track of its human element the characters at the heart of each story. A slower moment or two may have helped the Wachowskis' and Tykwer's film to hit a powerful emotional chord but the finished product still proves mainstream movies can ask questions while laying over explosive action scenes. This year there won't be a bigger movie in terms of scope in terms of ideas and in terms of heart than Cloud Atlas.
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