Vancouver Provides 100,000 Condoms To Athletes - When The Heck Do They Find The Time To Compete?

Foo Goo Pish of North Korea practices for his event, the one-man curl.

VANCOUVER - The Vancouver Winter Olympic Committee has stated that they are providing 100,000 free condoms for the athletes competing in the XXI Winter Olympic Games.

Chester Bedbrazen, Director of The Prophylactic Sub-Committee for the Vancouver Winter Olympic Committee stated that they had initially signed a contract with The Winnipeg Erector Set Condom Company for them to provide 50,000 condoms.

Mr. Bedbrazen stated that when the Olympic athletes heard that the condom number was 50,000 they all got together and had their respective coaches advise the governing committee that they felt that the condom number should be doubled.

The governing committee asked why they needed to double the amount that they had figured that they would be needing. A representative for the athletes Tyler Collinlapp stated that at the last World Olympics in 2006, in Barcelona, Spain, the condom supply ran out a full three days before the Olympics ended.

And as a result there were a lot of angry athletes, especially the members of the French team, the Danish team, and the Zimbabwean team, who are noted as being the horniest athletes in the world.

It was reported that over 90 couples either had sexual intercourse without the use of a condom or else they simply utilized the Greek Style Method, which resulted in literally hundreds of complaints, mostly from the tiny female Chinese gymnasts and the tiny female Romanian gymnasts.

In all fairness there was not one single complaint from any female member of the Greek team.

A reporter for England's BBC upon hearing that the condom number had been doubled from 50,000 to 100,000 remarked, "Blimey bloomin' me wonders when duz dey 'ave time ta compete?"

In other non-Olympics news. Word out of Chicago is that Oprah Winfrey has agreed to star in the Mountain Top Pictures film, 'The Aretha Franklin Story.' Winfrey was told by the film's director that she will need to gain about 20 pounds and Miss O said, "Not a problem."

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