Most church people don’t like to work with teenagers. Teenagers scare people. But what do youth workers like you do? You love them. You spend all your time with them. You do your best to listen to heartaches, guide fledgling souls, and avoid dismemberment. You’re like a saint. A saint who drinks a lot of coffee.

Even with all that coffee in you and with the mighty hand of God shoving guiding you, sometimes the pressure, church committees and annual budget meetings can make you feel like you are gonna explode. Don’t do that. It’s gross.

Instead: breathe deep. Allow yourself one of those “snort” church giggles. You can even hide this book inside your Bible (just bow your head and you’ll look like you’re praying). Go ahead and laugh. We won’t tell anyone.

And, here’s just a little taste – four definitions in a row from a random page in the “A is for” section:

Apocalypse
The end of the world. Watch for these telltale signs that the end is near:

The parents committee gathers together and spends two full hours talking about all the things you did (and do) right.

The Methodists drink in front of each other.

The local school system refuses to schedule games or practices on Sundays.

The church budget committee says, “We’d like to double your budget this year.”

Nicholas Cage does not “lose it” in a movie.

Apologetics
Love means never having to say you’re sorry.

Apps
Provides one million ways to not pay attention to the sermon, while pretending to be a tech-savvy smartphone Bible reader.

Aqua Team Rescue Force
A great game! You will need:

1000 Ping-Pong® balls.

A baptismal pool.

Snorkels for everyone.

Your senior pastor’s vacation schedule.

Seriously, you’ll laugh until it hurts. And we all might get in trouble for this thing. But, hey, if a company called The Youth Cartel can’t be a little edgy, we should change our name, right?

We’re offering a special pre-release price on the print version of The Youth Cartel’s Unauthorized Dictionary of Youth Ministry. Order prior to its release date (which should be on or about October 15), and we’ll knock the price from $8.99 down to $7.49. If you’re a bit of a risk taker yourself, you just might want to pick up a bunch as Christmas gifts for all your volunteers. Or, you could get one for your senior pastor as a creative way of resigning!

I’m Mark Oestreicher

I'm a partner in The Youth Cartel, providing services and resources for individual youth workers and organizations. I’ve been married to Jeannie for 30 years, and have two great kids: Riley (22) and Max (18).
Here's The Youth Cartel's website.
twitter: @markosbeard
instagram: @whyismarko