Saturday, April 27, 2013

It would be incredibly naive to expect anything above total shit from a film based on a soap opera but even this still isn't a valid excuse for a bad film. Nightmare ( -Nightmare at Sea) pretends to be a slasher film that takes place on a cruise liner. The usual boring dark corridors are again in play and I can't tell you how fucking frustrating it is to watch a pseudo horror film in which NONE of the main cast are slaughtered. Especially since the characters are fucking irritating teen airheads who make the Jersey Shore cast look like Mensans. The acting is every bit as insufferable as one might expect from a bunch of soap actors and the film manages to make the short duration of 74 minutes feel like three hours. I didn't pay a dime to see this fucking thing and still feel I got ripped off. If the US is still coming up with new ways to torture inmates at G-Bay, might I suggest showing this movie 24/7. It could however prove to be an insufficient mean to gather information much like torture in general since the subjects would most likely swallow their own tongues during the second screening. At the latest.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Härmä (or Once Upon A Time In The North or Perifery) tells a tale of two very different brothers in the countryside of 1800s Finland.Their father is about to leave the older brother (Leppilampi) without inheritance and meets his end by the hand of said brother. As a result, for two hours the film showcases how this insufferable asshole with his gang of thugs terrorises this small community and on top of that boasts about it in every possible turn. By the end I was so fucking pissed I didn't even give a shit about the actual story and only waited for this piece of shit to get what was coming to him. As it turns out, Härmä is a kind of commercial for pacifism. Shit, even the goddamn lynch mob pusses out! I think George Carlin said it best with "pacifism is a nice idea, but it can get you killed. We're not there yet". Didn't buy the message and wasn't sold by the movie. The film is technically well made for which it deserves some credit.

The feature film debut from animation wizard MacFarlane (Family Guy) comes in the shape of this rauchy and hilarious tale of a man who's best friends with a living stuffed teddy bear. The idea is simple and out there enough to allow room for great R-rated comedy thanks to a witty and even warm script by MacFarlane.

Red Lights is a bit of a let down after Cortés' masterful in-box-thriller Buried but it's not a bad film by any means. Just lazy with some chills. Like Buried, Red Lights saves a twist for it's finale but it's not enough to reward or justify the dragging execution of what has come before.

I am not my job or how much money I have in the bank.

Just felt like sharing my views and opinions about these films and related topics with you, but feel free to let me know if there's a particular film of which you'd like me to write about. If I haven't seen it, I'll try to make an effort to find it and review it for you.
Bare in mind that I'm only just getting started. There's not much material yet, but Rome wasn't built in a day either. Right?? :) and also, I'm a Finnish guy so give me a break if my english isn't 100%.