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In case you haven’t figured it out. I troll the Internet. Do I wear this as a badge of honor? Not really. I have this sadistic nature to anger angry people. It’s a total waste of time and energy on useless people….or is it?

Over the past few months I’ve been reading articles on Facebook and have noticed that the most inflammatory posts make it to the top of the comments. In doing so lengthy discussions of insults, memes, and gifs are strewn and nothing is gained.

Am I claiming something can be gained by social media comments sections? Yes. I am. Discourse is important. Unfortunately, no one wants to read hundreds of replies to a horrible comment made by a troll.

So what did I do? I figured out how to make my comments the top comments and inserting positive and reliable information about the topic at hand.

Some trolls already figured out how to beat the system. Well good for you. I’m not sharing how. But I am sharing what I did.

Recently, there was an atrocious article about a child that was tortured to death by his fosters. I am a CASA Advocate.

I advocate for the rights of children in foster care. In some states it is called a “guardian ad litem”. I’m not looking for a pat on the back. I’m being a “good citizen”. Something Aristotle states that this includes and necessitates participation in society. To have a good society we need good community. (Philosophy major here). But liking shit and sending internet prayers isn’t going to help shit.

My point is. Fine, be antiabortion. Fine, be against the welfare system. But then do something about it. Other people’s problems are your problem. I hate to break the news. It trickles down and will affect you in some way.

My point. I trolled an article. Beat all the disgusting abhorrent comments by posting positive and reliable information. And instead of trolls ruining it (secret: if you start the thread you can block the assholes from posting more) I got people genuinely interested in joining CASA.

I got private messages looking for contact info and at least 1% of the readers contacted CASA to see how they can help!

So to all the Trolls out there. I’m out-trolling you. Call me a “keyboard warrior” , call me whatever you want. Until my kid is in school and I don’t have to keep one eye one him all the time I’m here to ruin your good time of ruining other’s good time.

And please. CASA is grossly underfunded and very few are aware of its existence. If you have 10 hrs to spare per month (especially) daytime hours. Please join to be an advocate.

The fact is most children want nothing more than to go home, not to be taken away from their families. Despite the abuse. It’s a strange but true phenomenon. Not to mention the lack of families willing or are able to foster. You can make a difference in helping families rehabilitate and live the lives they are meant to be. All your job is is to make sure that your kid(s) have have access to every resource possible.

I turned 40 last year. To be honest it didn’t phase me. At least not on my actual birthday… but as my 40th year has progressed it has proven to be quite a landmark year. I’ve noticed lots of people my age died. Some of natural causes but lots more of suicide. Some famous, some not so famous. I’d rather not mention specific names in respect for their families. They’ve had enough pain.

In watching the news and social media I have seen an uptick of suicide. In fact, if you look at the chart below you can see Gen X’ers line is steadily rising.

I’m the guy in orange. You see that sharp straight line up? That’s scary.
You know what else is scary. A good percentage of my friends are depressed. And I’m not part of some sub-genre clique of people. My friends and I are average people. The whole deal: jobs, pets, family, hobbies, parties, the “American Dreamers”, artists, musicians, business owners, travelers, friends from other countries. We all share 2 things in common. We’re all the same generation and we’re fucking miserable. We joke about it on social media. Memes are shared. But the fact is I know few people who are content.

I recently posted for the first time something about my struggle with depression. I kind of used it as a borameter to see how people would react. I’m not known socially to be “depressed”. But the fact is, I’ve lost years in bed struggling with trying to get at least one thing done.
Feeling like Dexter and going through the motions of what is “normal”. Forcing myself to be social because I know if you isolate yourself you’re basically halfway in the grave.

The response I received to what I thought was going to be a post that was going to go under the radar was overwhelming. People posted and messaged me with their struggles as well. Most of it was, “me too”.

What is really surprising is these poor souls who have committed suicide had everything to live for. Good support systems, good families, a solid social life, decent careers, children who looked up to them, money, a home, love in their lives, food to fill their bellies, warm clean beds to sleep in at night, they were talented and beloved. So why are we so unhappy?

Without being a sociologist or scientistist, I can only pose theories.

2. Our parents were told pills fix everything, in turn, we were fed pills. I think these pills have fucked us up. In my observations many of the suicides were of people on meds, felt good, got off, and it backfired. You know that leaflet that says,”may increase thoughts of suicide”. It’s real. Our brain chemistry is fucked up.

3. We’re now old enough for our children and other generations to expect us to know everything and help fix the world. The problem is we’re so fucked up, we can’t focus on a cause and come together. Thus feeling helpless and most of all USELESS and WORTHLESS.

This is where I think suicide comes in. The thoughts of feeling you can’t do more to change your circumstances. Helplessness. The world would be a better place without me. You have no value.

Unfortunately, it’s not. Our generation doesn’t give itself enough credit. We used the Dewey decimal system, atlases, telephones in home, got up to change the channel on a black and white tv. We didn’t use seatbelts or helmets. We’re clever, smart, and should be survivors.

At 40, our parents had homes and families and cars already for almost 20 years. At 40 now I just barely bought my first home. I did move out at 17, but the pressure to be what our parents were is high. And also something that isn’t really modern any more. But us 40 yr olds haven’t gotten that yet. We beat ourselves up for still not having a career, not being “successful”, growing up that 40 was ” over the hill”. For not being a “role model”.

I think the most tragic part of these suicides is literally hours before, these people spent time with friends/family or performed music right before they did it. No indication that they felt like the “loneliest person in a crowded room” (I’m there often), or that that person put on their happy Dexter mask as they mingled, wondering how does everyone else function so easily?

And I’m telling you, amount my age group (kids who grew up in the 80s and 90s) this is how they’re feeling. Openly sharing it.

This post isn’t to provide solutions, because if I had one I, too, wouldn’t suffer. This post is to bring awareness that something is amiss in our generation.

I think most of us 40 somethings today look at every end of the day as:

If you are struggling. Don’t be afraid to reach out. It seems like many of us are in it together. Many blessings.

I’ve always understood that you do not speak ill of the dead because they have no way to defend themselves. Apparently the media could give a fuck about that. It’s just a race to get the gossip out and clicks in instead of releasing factual information in a respectable manner.

Over the weekend Erin Moran died. Beloved character, “Joanie” of Happy Days. I was born in the 70’s and grew up watching her. I have lovely memories of her and her show. As I’ve grown into an adult I have seen her not do as well as some of her cast mates. That doesn’t mean her value as a person is not the same.

The poor woman dies. The next day the VERY sources that leave statements of her dying of stage 4 throat cancer, had just hours and minutes earlier DRAGGED her reputation through the mud. Saying the most deplorable things about her state of mind, her choice in spouse, and where she lived and even referenced embarrassing videos of her. Facts or not, we are all human and do not deserve for people to spit on our reputations after we die.

TMZ and especially People Magazine (I realize they are not really “valid” news sources). But these are what people paying attention to. Instead of bringing to light who Erin was as a person, they said the most disgusting truths about her. I am not going to repeat the facts because these slimey sites already did. I refuse to state it.

It’s a sad statement of our society and as people as a whole. No one even cared how. They only wanted to share dirt on a person who was struggling. The worst part, is even before death, Moran lost the ability to talk for herself. The cancer took away her ability to speak.

In the meantime the likes of Trumpster, Scott Baio, and “6 Childhood Actors” stated the most atrocious allusions to her well-being and mental state, when they really just wanted to capitalize on her being in the spotlight one last time and steal some of her remaining thunder. Fuck all the “Chachi’s” out there. Ironically, when I was little, my dad used to refer to little asshole, boys as “Chachi”. How fitting.

Real friends would have known about the cancer. These people who insisted that they “tried to help her” would have stated something about it and stuck up for her. BUT NO ONE did until the end of the day. I barely know my backyard neighbor and know more about her than these people claimed to state. Disgusting.

I’m not appalled or offended. I’m disappointed. At this point, it looks like when I die, I won’t be remembered for anything but being a skinny bitch with a big mouth.

I know this blog comes across as me being a being jerk, but if you read it carefully, you will understand I am pointing out what fucking assholes people are and that we could do things better and be better people if we just think for a second, and treat each other with a little dignity and look at ourselves with a little sense of humor.

I guess you can call this the “Ladies Edition” of residual poo. I guess it stems from the ridiculousness of the current presidency. We have a room full of men dictating women’s rights,

…..and the president’s daughter acting as first lady even though she has 3x as many children as Melania, with one of them just turning one.

That’s right! While the the doting mother of Baron stays home in New York costing taxpayers a fortune, Trump’s daughter is leaving 3 small children to be cared for by a nanny, one an infant. What in the fuck is that? This is not a knock against working mothers, this is me calling out Melania’s bullshit excuse for staying home for the kid. He’s not a small child.

So we got this unpaid volunteer working in the whitehouse gaining access to anyone she wants to profit her family. Anyone who thinks this family has the interest of anyone but themselves in mind is not in their right mind. I’m surprised it has gotten this far. Because Ivanka is not collecting salary, she is getting around legal technicalities regarding nepotism. This is what happens when we have a poor education system and generations addicted to television.

Speaking of twats. Check this shit out! It’s a speaker that you put inside your vagina when you are pregnant so the baby can hear the music clearly. “By placing a speaker inside the vagina, we overcome the barrier formed by the abdominal wall and the baby can hear sounds with almost as much intensity and clarity as when emitted,” the site continues.

This is positively disgusting and you are just asking for a bacterial infection.

It has been proven in many studies that developing fetuses need no stress or noise while in utero. Putting music up your hoo-ha could actually disrupt neural development. Think about it, you’re developing and you hear some fucking noise when you’re just trying to sleep and grow. Sounds annoying as fuck to me. Don’t be fooled by the nonsense of more neurons created during music. It’s just to sell you shit, like vagina speakers and fake FUPAs.

Leaving you on a positive note. I hope you take the time to appreciate this video, because we all want to be hip hop as fuck. Are you hip hop AF

This badass new mom just dropped the mic. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to see Peta show off her post baby bump. Because this is the truth. We all shrink back down at our own pace. Some less or more than others. But the fact is Peta isn’t ashamed or faking the funk.

A week or so after I had my baby I ran into my landlord at the time. She asked when I was gonna have the baby. “I had him last week!”

See, I dont bitch about everything. I just call it like I see it. You don’t have to read it.

Speaking of freakin elephants how awesome is this?! I hate HATE the circus and zoos. I’m glad Ringling Brothers is gone. #byefelicia I eat meat so yes, I’m a partial asshole (we order from a special farm so I’m trying). But there is nothing more depressing than seeing ANYONE or anything exploited. That goes for people, animals, shit, even the environment. I’m not like a Buddhist or don’t have much inner peace but there’s just something totally wrong with watching a great beast pirouette. These animals also roam vast spaces of land for us to just put them on a fake mountain behind a moat with some drunk asshole screaming animal noises at them.

Let me expand for just a moment: I tried (again) taking my kid to the zoo last summer. We walked in, I saw a depressing rhino alone. I grinned and walked further around the enclosure to a bird exhibit. I followed my running toddler to an empty corner to see a lonely owl. Wait. It gets better. I look further, and there is our country’s symbol, pissed as all hell. A solitary American Eagle encaged in a corner. Not only can he never fly away, but very few visit him (he might like that part who knows). A true metaphor. It makes my stomach drop just thinking about it. He looked miserable.

On that note! I hope everyone had a lovely MLK day. 3 years ago today my life changed and I found out I was pregnant. It was hard not to tell people, but sometimes you can’t just scream out everything that you want.

Am I the only one that noticed that the number one person that loves you in the world isn’t there!? Why wasn’t Melania at Trump’s first press conference in 6 months? Am I the only one that is wondering why his kids and son-in-law are following him everywhere and that is ok, but his very own wife is not?

I mean I get it, but, um, your husband is about to be president. I live far from the perfect marriage but I sure as hell would be there at those “important days” my husband has. I am so curious as to what was more important than to join her husband and family? She’s first lady! I am truly baffled at this.

In my 40 years on this earth I have never seen anything like this where a president’s kids are there but not his partner in life. His wife! She’s supposed to be his rock, his better half, his one and only and she’s. not. there.

What a miserable existence. For both of them. One of the most powerful men in the world can’t even get his own wife to stand behind him. And one of the most looked upon women of the world, and she hates her husband so much that she would publically not be there for him. I know this play. I did this once to an ex-boyfriend to humiliate him for treating me like shit. So I dumped him the night before his birthday party. Everyone just asked where I was at his party. So I know a cold-play when I see one, and this is so obvious and not just another “oh, she needs to be with her son, he needs her” type shit.

I’m calling you out Melania. You hate him and want the world to know he is an asshole.

Fuck you Channing Tatum and your bullshit “perfect life” picture. That shit is not realistic and you basically made many mothers and wives feel like shit, gave husbands unreal expectations and created an unreal fantasy for future parents. You heard me. I’m hating. (suprise!) I’m sure you’ve seen this image of his hot wife napping. Well let me tell you something. If we all had nannies and maids we would all be sleeping hot and sexy like that too. In sweet marital bliss, clean sheets, soft, unblemished skin rubbed by massage therapists, with full nights sleep, and staff and family members to assist our every need. Guess what, 99% are not living that dream.

Currently wearing: owl pajama pants, a t-shirt I’ve worn since the last shower, and a hoody, WITH the hood up. It’s fucking 20 degrees out. I could blast the heat and wake up like that, but my husband wouldn’t even fucking see it because he snores so fucking loudly I have my own room now. Between the little sleep I get, I need at least a couple quality hours. LOL at this image.

This ranges up there with that idiot Kim Kardashian waving her jewelry around. She got ripped off. My mother always told me to “never let the devil see you smile”.

You know where I’d be after a night of partying, even with baby sitter, even if my husband and I managed to get in a bang? HUNGOVER, carrying my toddler, with my hair in some fucked up ponytail. Sleep? LOL Sleeping in? Fuck you for your staged photograph of #goals that are not realistic.

I refuse to relish in their happiness. I refuse to accept that I could “have this too” if I tried hard enough. It’s easy to get along when you don’t have 1000 errands on your plate. Your husband is just as exhausted as you are, and you look at each other and throw rock, paper, scissors over the next shitty diaper (literally full of poo). We go out on date nights. Both of us are pretty good looking too, but our night is literally a math equation of how many drinks can I get in and how much is this going to cost in the morning. Another issue, when the clock strikes midnight, will we turn to pumpkins and puss out? We don’t even have the fucking energy.

And you can call me out, and say I’m so hating and that I’m miserable, blah blah blah. How many of you have toddlers? I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty active in my parenting. My kid and I are in tune with each other. ALL my energy goes to making sure his life is amazing. I don’t have time to fucking hug my down comforter, let alone make sure my 1000 count Egyptian cotton sheets are pressed and give a sheen. Fucking jerks.

And my ass does not look like that and I weigh 116 lbs. Bullshit.

More bullshit. As you can tell, I don’t like Trump. But I swear to fucking God. Unless I see a video of Trump and some bitches pissing on themselves, I’m not buying it. Show me some red hair, a hand, someone making it rain, ANYTHING. This is the type of gossip that comes from yentas. It makes me wonder what serious thing is really going on that the media is diverting our attention from to the president-elect supposedly being into golden showers. I say this often, but I swear I was not dropped off on the right planet.