Friday, 9 September 2011

Hello blogworld,I have finally discovered internet in Law school library! Whoop Whoop! So hopefully loads more updates from me! You know I told you all that I have some fresh ideas for your reading pleasures, well here is one of them!

I tend to be the listening ear to most of my friends relationship problems, and I take pride in dishing out advice, sometimes unsolicited!But when I have any relationship problems myself, I tend to seek advice from my male friends as they have a way of bringing me back down to earth when I have been listening to too much Beyonce! Ladies tend to think the same way and only a guy can explain why another guy acts the way they do, after all they are all from Mars!

This is what brought on this idea. I have enlisted the help of two very famous male bloggers to help you ladies with your relationship woes! So if you, or your friends have any relationship issues that you would like a male neutral perspective on, please email bukky.bolarinwa@gmail.com, strictly confidential of course.

Here are the first two:

Dear Uncle,I have been in a relationship with a guy now for over 2 years. I love him dearly and he loves me too. But I am a committed christain and he is also a serious muslim. I am not willing to convert and neither is he. It was not an issue in the beggining as we were just having fun but the longer we are together the more I would like a future with him. However, he never wants to discuss it and says 'we will cross that bridge when we get there'. Infact he never wants to make any plans beyond the next three months. What do you think I should do? Should I wait it out or do I cut my losses and move on??

Uncle A:Religion has always been a touchy subject with regards to relationships. But I think the problem lies with the both of you, if you’re willing to put aside religion and forge on in Love. Sounds crazy I know, but then marriage is an institution where compromise is the order of the day. When a woman marries a man, she leaves her family, surname and all and adopts her husband’s “identity”, and this I’m afraid includes religion. In my opinion, If you really want to be with him, and if he’s never going to convert to Christianity, then you have to convert to Islam.

Uncle B:If your man loves you as much as i think you think he does, then his job is to make you feel safe, secure and catered for. I think planning is essential in relationships and the "we'll cross the bridge when we get there" mentality usually just means the person isn't ready to deal with a problem now and may not be ready to deal with it when it final turns from a mere issue into a prerequisite. Uncertainty, especially in a relationship like yours, is something you cannot afford and Agony Uncle thinks you need to sit your man down and make sure he either has a clear plan for your future together or you start considering if it's time to cut your losses because I think you agree with me when I say your relationship, despite the modern times we live in, will come under different major pressures as it goes along. You need a solid long term plan if you two will remain together. Wish you the best.

Dear Uncle,I have been with my boyfriend for about two years and we used to live in London together (not in d same house). But ever since I moved up north for a job he has become very distant. He hardly calls and always seems too busy to fit me in. Because of this I have also been 'forming' busy for him when he does 'seem to 'have my time'. He works and studies full time so I understand there is alot on his plate, but I am also busy and want to feel like a priority. He gets upset when I don't have his time but I just do not want to always fit into his plans when he refuses to fit into mine. We have now not seen each other in almost 3 months because we are both being stubborn. What do you think I should do?

Uncle A:I think the both of you “forming” busy is just some “Pride War” between you both, probably to see how much the other person misses you. Or it could be a case of you both believing in that “out of sight is out of mind” mantra, and deciding to be “wise” instead of “deceiving” yourselves as some might describe it. Or it could also be that bros has simply moved on. I’ve said this before, I don’t care if they’re a 24 hour surgeon or whatever, no one is ever really too busy to check on someone they claim to love. So I think you both should confess to each other about how boring the “games” have become, and if they continue, then its probably time to move on sha.

Uncle B:3months?! That's shocking though. Ever heard these sayings "out of sight isn't out of mind" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Well, I think they're both full of crap. The longer you stay apart, the less intense your feelings will be towards each other. If you really want to save your relationship then you need to stop "forming" busy and actually make time when he has time. On the other hand, a man who wants you will make time for you. We men invented the "I've been busy" line and the truth is, if a man wants you, he will reschedule Armageddon to get you. Both of you need to assess yourselves and see if you really want to still be together. Try to meet up with him, spend a day or weekend together just to rekindle the intensity between you two and if you realise the feelings aren't the same anymore then it's time move on. If stubborness is the only thing keeping you two from seeing each other then humilty might be the only thing that's save it at the moment.

Ladies (and gents), what do you think of these problems and the suggested solutions? I tend to agree with both of them!

Also, can you guess who these celebrity naija male bloggers are? I think you should be able to from the way they write!