Daily Pulse: The Most Miserable Sentence In The World

Want a surefire way to condemn yourself to lasting unhappiness? Utter the phrase, “I just want to be happy.” Or so says Augusten Burroughs, author of the new book This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. Yes, at first glance the sentence seems so innocent—“happy” seems like a healthy, normal desire, says Burroughs. But once you say it, you’re trapped until you define precisely what "happy" is for you. Which most of us can’t quite pin down. Fortunately, Burroughs offers tips on how you can really be happy.

Just because you’d never touch Mr. Butterball’s breakfast doesn't mean you're not at risk of salmonella poisoning from it: Contaminated dog food has recently been linked to at least 14 human illnesses in the US—not because owners ate their pups' food, but because germs can be spread to pet owners through the handling of contaminated food or through the pets’ poop. The products being recalled by Diamond Pet Foods include: Diamond Naturals Lamb Meal & Rice Formula, Diamond Puppy Formula, and Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover’s Soul Adult Light Formula. For more information, go to the FDA’s recall page.

If you’re 100% natural and looking for love, there’s a new dating site for you. Introducing OrganicMatch.com, a brand new online dating service for "Certified Organic People," or—as the site puts it—people who live and breathe the organic lifestyle.

People who inhale their food are two and a half times more likely to suffer from type 2 diabetes than those who take their time, according to a new study. After comparing 234 newly diagnosed type 2 diabetes patients with 468 people who didn't have the disease, researchers were able to link an increased risk with faster eating habits.

Talking about our number one—ourselves—triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food and money, according to new research from Harvard neuroscientists. About 40% of everyday speech is devoted to telling others what we think, and now, through five brain imaging and behavioral experiments, scientists know why: It feels so rewarding in our brain cells that we just can’t help ourselves.

Turns out the three second rule might actually have something to it—at least when it comes to eating salty, fatty, processed food. Researchers from Manchester Metropolitan University tested five different food items (cooked pasta, ham, biscuits, dried fruit, and jam) to find out how long it takes them to pick up bacteria after being dropped on the floor. Although processed foods have little nutritional value, they fared best during the bacteria tests. Apparently the salt and nitrates in much of processed food can prevent the growth of most bacteria. Yummy.

More over Smartphones: Sex toys are quickly becoming one of the world's most popular gadgets thanks, in part, to the willingness of stars such as Gwyneth Paltrow and Jane Fonda to divulge their bedroom secrets. Global sales of erotic accessories are rising impressively due to some of Hollywood's most famous leading ladies opening up about their sex lives in the new TV series, The Conversation With Amanda de Cadenet.

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