Musings on Mothers

As Mothers, we all try to do what is best for our children. We nurture them, make choices for them, and do what needs to be done for them. Sometimes this path is clear and easy, other times it’s not. With a special needs child, these issues are magnified, and I for one, find the path confusing and cluttered with wrong turns at times. I struggle to find the balance in providing all the things C needs, and frankly, there are things that slide by the wayside. We make choices every day about what we believe is important for him. Sure, we probably make some wrong choices, things that will make a grown-up C say “Why in the world did my parents do that?”

What bothers me is the interference and advice from judgmental people who are not offering help and support, but rather criticism and condemnation. This goes beyond the well-meaning, forgivable stranger giving unsolicited advice. A friend with an autistic son was at a conference about autism recently, sitting in on a presentation about biomedical interventions. A woman behind her was looking over R’s shoulder while R was taking notes. “You’re not getting what you need, are you?” the woman said conspiratorially. “You should just love your child and stop trying to fix him.”

I know of no other child, “typical” or not, who is more loved just the way he is than R’s son. My heart ached for her as she told me the story, because this is a Mom who cares for her son in every way. It’s hard enough trying to decide what your child needs without interference from someone who knows nothing about your child or your family. Yet R’s resolve was not at all diminished; she will continue on her path of trying to do what she, as the parent, believes is in the best interest of her child. Just like any mother would do.