Why Aren’t We Managing Our Children’s Pain

Children in Pain

So this headline in the New York Times caught my eye. Normally it wouldn’t raise an eyebrow with me, and in fact, after reading her (very good) article, I realised that the writer of that article is raising some valid medical questions but they are not relevant in my current more socio-emotional context. So.

I’m going through quite a period of introspection at the moment, trying to understand how it is that some people are hurting their own children. From my perspective, they look like “normal” adults who shows compassion. Yet they are the very same people who deliberately and persistently hurt and cause permanent damage to their offspring, for whatever reason I fail to understand.

The only explanation I have is that perhaps those sad people believe rightly or wrongly that they are right. They can justify their actions to the world with their narcissistic outbursts, bullying everyone who gets in their way into submission. Even their children.

I laughed at this morning’s Dr Phil episode, where the woman he was interviewing constantly interrupted him and kept up long monologues each one starting with “He” (obviously referring to her husband who doesn’t listen to her). Yes, it sounded so familiar, I’ve heard the narcissists’ performance many times before. Anyways, to cut a long story short, at one point Dr Phil asked her if it was HIS show or HER show … I burst out laughing, because I know so well how a narcissist behaves: The world is their stage and they are always performing on stage. This woman had cheated, her children despised her for her actions, and her husband was at the point of leaving her. Yet she continued to attack Dr Phil and tell him he must fix the other people, there was nothing wrong with her. It was fun watching her trying to fight back, although she didn’t cave. That is one thing about narcissists: They never admit they are wrong.

But getting back on track, my houseworker Miriam told me the other day that these people must be careful of their actions because their daughters will follow the bad example set by their mothers and also humiliate and degrade their husbands. It is a scary thought.

So, back to the subject: How come we are willing to pump hundreds of dollars’ of medicine into our most precious (and the most vulnerable) members of our society, but we are not doing anything to help them ease the emotional pain of being emotionally abused. We just let these mothers (and sometimes fathers too) carry on with their injurous behaviour. Sad, really.