They say there are no terrible cars on the market anymore, but some cars are just so clearly uncompetitive within their segments that you should really get something else. The fine folks at Consumer Reports have listed the 2017 cars you should avoid.

Every year, Consumer Reports conducts and releases its Owner Satisfaction Survey, in which we find out how CR subscribers feel about the cars they bought. As in any survey, there are high points and there are low points. And man, are the low points low.

Survey data collected by Plug-In America from current early-model Tesla Model S owners has predicted that up to two-thirds of early model electric-drive units may fail by 60,000 miles. If their predictions are even remotely accurate, that’s bad news.

Consumer Reports, who just over a month ago broke their own rating system because they just loved them so damn much, has now pulled their recommendation for the Tesla Model S after they found it to be ‘below average’ on reliability.

How much acceleration and how many MPGs would Volkswagen’s cars really lose without their infamous cheat code? The vehicle-testing gurus at Consumer Reports are here to answer that, and for owners, the answer is not pretty.

Every so often, a car comes along that is so good it re-defines what “good” is. Consumer Reports just found that the Tesla Model S P85D is just that car, as it scored an absolutely incredible 103 points on their 100-point scale.

We here at Jalopnik can tell you how a car makes you feel. It can be fun, fast, slow, or sad. But if you want to get hard data and numbers, there’s no one better to turn to than Consumer Reports. So it’s probably a good thing that CR just data-ized what we felt – the Tesla Model S P85D is a damn fine automobile.

Consumer Reports dropped $127,000 on a new Tesla Model S P85D – the most it’s ever spent on a vehicle – but before it could get deep into its extensive testing regime, it was already broken, and for something Tesla owners are all too familiar with.

We’ve heard a lot about how great the Model S is. Consumer Reports has called it the best car they ever tested. But what about the hot rod P85D? Our pals up at CR just bought one. This is a good thing.

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Here's the weird thing you might not know about Consumer Reports. Not only do they have an incredible test track, they're also all better drivers than any self-respecting bunch of automotive journalists should be. So let CR Auto Test Director Jake Fisher and Jalopnik EIC Matt Hardigree show you how to hoon.

Here was the plan: take a $112,000 Mercedes E63 AMG S Wagon, a Subaru STI, a BMW 228i, and a 1973 Volkswagen Baja Bug, and blast sideways on a snow-covered private test track hidden in the woods of Connecticut. Simple, right?