Babies are born with the wisdom of the universe shining in their eyes, and the long evolution of life on earth architected in their brains. But they are entirely vulnerable and dependent. Unlike reptiles and most of our other mammalian friends, human babies are born “unfinished”. In her great wisdom, Nature chose the perfect trade-off: in order to bring beings with such large brains into the world, She chose to have them born while still under construction, rather than risk death of the mother at birth. Unfinished, vulnerable and dependent though they are, She also gave them particular tools for survival, which spring from the gifts of the limbic/relational brain.

At birth, infants are hard-wired to see only one thing , the structure of the human face. This is not only the template upon which all vision is then built, but also the nursery of human emotion. The infant even a few days old will intently study the face of the beloved parents. The limbic brain is designed to collect sensory information, “read” it for emotional content and then send this information on to other parts of the brain for further consideration. We now know that facial expressions, which contain exquisitely subtle emotional cues, are universal across time and cultures, and this emotional substructure is innate. Darwin knew that a baby born blind knows to smile when playing with his mother, or frown and fuss when in need, having never seen either of these responses. Although the substructure of emotion is in place at birth, the infant begins the considerably subtle undertaking of fleshing out the vast landscape we call human emotion through the capacity of limbic resonance.Through the innate awareness of emotion, the baby’ nervous system is drawn into attunement, or imitation, of the parent’s emotional state. Like violin strings side by side, when we are in the presence of and gaze into the eyes of another, through limbic resonance our separate nervous systems begin to vibrate in harmony.

Limbic resonance works in tandem with a host of other tools not just to survive, but to thrive. Brain/heart entrainment and mirror neurons are two of these. We are wired to be in attunement with one another because mammals and especially humans, not only need one another at birth and the early years, but throughout all of life. When two people come together, it is within minutes that their heart and brain rhythms have enmeshed; this is entrainment. The amazing phenomenon of “mirror neurons” equips us to very subtly share the same experience as the person we are with.

Our children imitate us with their whole heart, literally, as their heart/brain rhythms follows ours. They imitate us from the inside out, their neurons mirroring our every emotional fluctuation. Who we are and how we respond to them—our consciousness, in other words— is the most essential element in their development. You see, we are the heart of the matter.

Your Family Culture can be imagined as a five-pointed star: the first four points ( the arms and legs of the star ) make a foundation for Discipline, the “head” of the star. Think about it like this:

Point One: Family Rhythm ~~ Create daily and weekly rhythms that are simple, slow and nourishing. Slow down and let your whole family b-r-e-a-t-h-e! Set your goal to celebrate yearly festivals in a conscious, non-rushed or media-influenced way.

Point Two: Family Work and Family Play ~~ Model for your child work-sharing: show them the “how-tos” in accomplishing the work-load a family requires. Remember: slowly over the years, hand more and more responsibility to them, as they develop more capacity. But don’t forget that families need to Play! Think of weekly play-together days and yearly get-aways for play!

Point Three: Children’s Art and Stories ~~ Give your child plenty of time and space for artistic exploration. No, you don’t need to enroll her in art classes, just make simple open-ended art materials available for her self expression: crayons ( buy 100% organic beeswax Filana crayons! ) paper, watercolor paint, modeling material, scissors, tissue paper, glue; you get the idea? And remember good stories are nourishment for the imagination, just like good food nourishes the body!

Point Four: Child’s Play ~~ Be sure your indoor play-space is full of imaginative possibilities. Choose toys and play materials that are open-ended. If the toy “plays itself” or talks to your child, it is not open-ended enough. Think of old-fashioned toys: wooden blocks, simple soft dolls, child sized kitchen toys, dress-ups, wooden wagons and plenty of empty baskets. Empty boxes, as we all know, are the very best! Be sure your outdoor space has plenty of exploratory possibilities!

Point Five: Discipline ~~ When all of the above are well taken care of, many discipline problems disappear. What to do when all is in-order and discipline is still needed? The watchwords here are Firm and Kind! Use simple non-emotional statements. Breathe slowly, settle into your heart-space, speak slowly. Allow yourself to “slip inside your child’s skin”, to understand the situation from their point of view. With this insight, firmly and kindly insist. You can do this, and you will love it!

I will be at The River Valley Waldorf School in Upper Black Eddy, Pennsylvania this Friday night talking about Family Culture. Join us there! www.rivervalleyschool.org 610-982-5606

I am so happy to invite you to join me for the Foundations of Healthy Brain Development Workshop at Acorn Hill this coming weekend! Acorn Hill Children’s Center was instrumental in my years of training and has always been a beacon of light for many teachers in our work with small children.

Check out the information below and join me for this opportunity to learn more about how to support the fullest brain development for your child. As Adele Diamond, developmental cognitive neuroscientist says…

“Want to encourage the best academic outcomes for your child? It is simple: Nourish their spirit!”

They run toward Life, arms open, and Life loves Itself through their small bodies. Pressing themselves into the sand, sifting dirt, watching an inchworm measure a branch, reaching toward the black cat who looks at them through inscrutable green eyes….it is their biological imperative to reach toward Life. We, their care-givers, must structure the way in which Life reaches back, the the way they are touched in return.

They need to be touched by grass, flowers, sunshine, birdsong. They need a pile of dirt and earthworms. They need songs, stories, paints, costumes. And games that go on without end….

For the young child especially, but for all children as well, it is a rich life-lesson to experience “whole process” learning. We live in a fast-paced, fragmented world. With the SOLs and Kindergarten Boot Camp looming large on our national landscape, when does a child have the opportunity to take a field trip to the apple orchard, bring the apples “home” to school, process and cook them into apple butter to eat, weekly, on their home baked bread? Or plant bulbs in the fall, and jump for joy as they peek through the late winter snow. Activities as simple as working day after day on the apple butter, or using growing muscles to dig a bed for an autumn bulb….then sweetly forgetting all winter long….only to be amazed by early crocuses, teach endurance, patience and the reward of caring-for. The young child learns it is good to live in a strong body, to work and care for the earth and oneself. And to share this sense of goodness with those we love. The buzz-word these days is self-regulation, but we just call it a healthy childhood.

Living in the round of the seasons, as earth moves slowly through her journey around the sun, our souls learn this “round movement” as well. We are shaped by a bountiful grace. To live in the abundance of the natural world, held in the arms of our loving family, capacities evolve that will serve us and the world.

Today we marvel at the flock of spring’s earliest birds eager at the snowy feeder, last summer we found a baby turtle, in the fall we plant bulbs to perfume the coming spring. What is born of this is the knowledge that we are part of a mysterious unity that holds us, cares for us and sustains us. As well as the desire to hold, care for and sustain life itself.

One of The Rose Garden parents sent me this photo yesterday. The exquisite beauty of the young child’s connection to nature is so evident: these brothers are free and at-large in the woods….living a life larger than the confines of their small bodies. They are as large as their own imaginations, at home in the forest. I am reminded of something I wrote years ago, as I prepared to write Heaven on Earth:

“I have found in my many years of teaching young children, and in my years as a mother of young boys, that most children are happiest at play outdoors. Young children are close to the realm of nature because they are still very natural beings. Because their consciousness is not yet separated from the environment, because they still live in the consciousness of oneness, of unity, they belong still to the natural world. In time they will belong to themselves, as the process of individuation becomes complete. But for about the first seven years, they are still at one with the world they inhabit. The process of separating from the parents and from the environment buds only around age seven. Before that, the child is moved along by life, something like the way a tree’s leaves dance in the breeze. The young child responds to the environment in a very unself-conscious way, a very natural way, and the open, complex, and diverse environment of the outdoors gives him that opportunity. If, in his excitement at a butterfly, he needs to dance and pirouette dizzyingly around the garden, no one has to say, “Be careful of the table.” If he needs to shout for glee or weep for sorrow, he is free.”

Through play in the natural world, we give our child thegift of freedom, tethered by and rooted in a deep visceral relationship. Is that not the fundamental balance humanity strives for? Such joy!

A few years ago, I noticed a dramatic shift in the needs of parents. No longer was I receiving calls primarily from parents of three, four and five year olds, rather, I had as many calls from parents of two year olds. Many years before, at the Waldorf School I had witnessed a similar shift. Parental needs for good, wholesome, creative education of their children at that time, shifted from four and five year olds, to include threes, as well. The world and our lives are changing dramatically, and the needs of families reflect this.

So, a few years ago, with very careful selection, The Rose Garden began to accept children as young as two and a half. What were the benchmarks of “readiness” I looked for in such a young child? There is a time in the life of a toddler and new-two year old, in which the child is the king or queen of the Universe. Just watch how the parents and older siblings, the grandparents, and actually, every adult jumps to run along after the newly-mobile explorer! This is the time when the learning for the child is most efficiently conducted one-on-one with the parents, the other siblings, their primary care-taker. This child has not yet crossed the threshold, and moved from their position of royalty into the realm of simply being “part of the club.” At a certain point, though, the child’s matrix of concentration changes, and they can look further than their one-on-one contact, and wonder about a larger paradigm. The child becomes ready to learn from their playmates at school, to learn as part of the group.

It is a delicate balance, to ascertain when this moment occurs, in each child’s developmental arc. With faith in intuition, both the parents’ and mine, and with help from our twin muses… this enchanted forest and the little stream.…we began. It has been an amazing growth process! Rebecca and I looked at one another in astonished amazement that first year; the innate intelligence of these babies! We were in awe of their curiosity and willingness to join the older Rose Garden children in every aspect of the day, from baking bread to something as developmentally complex as Circle Time with all its focus on language, motor, spatial, imaginary, and social skills! What a confirmation of ours and their parents’ intuition!

In Sept, The American Journal of Play published research studying the kind of learning that takes place in mixed-age play situations.The research examined this kind of play-based learning, from cultures across the globe.Most striking to the researchers was the fact that this type of learning, based on humanity’s long evolution of tutoring (knowledge being passed on within the family unit nested within the village unit)is quickly vanishing in our time.Children are being separated into age-same groups, and playful learning is disregarded as inferior.Yet their research showed, whetherin an African village, or a mixed-age, play-based program here in the US, younger children are capable of accomplishing skills, when in the presence of their older playmates, which they are not capable of in age-same groups!

This school year, we reap the harvest of our decision to open our doors, our minds and our hearts to such young children. These children, our “babies” of a few years ago, either are already five or will become five years old this school year. Today they walk into school confident, capable, intelligent, empathic, curious and kind. Older children turn instinctively to their younger friends, helping, instructing, modeling, mentoring.They are being trained, in the traditional way, to be the leaders of tomorrow.

“How does the world work, and how do I fit into it?” This is the daily, living question of the young child. We can allow plenty of time and plenty of space for our children to wonder, to explore, to experiment, to keep trying, to learn. And isn’t much of learning discovering the right questions to ask? In this way, the questions remain alive; the “answers” are part of an on-going process. When we allow this hands-on exploratory learning, and do not limit the questions or answers with our linear adult concepts, the children learn in the same way Mother Nature herself learns: through scaffolding, or “serial functional progression.” The answers become a platform for the next set of really interesting questions. Our children experience themselves as avid students of life.

In these photos we see the Universe hard at work: How many stumps, boards, bricks and pine cones does it take to make the see-saw go down and the children go up? How do “up and down” operate, and what is the relationship between stumps, elbow grease and results? And what might be the relationship between the big black bugs and the small brown one (in the blue bowl)? When we learn to live the questions, life is rich!