Monday, February 6

The LARK Letter

This has been going 'round the internet and I get a huge kick out of it. Wish the government WOULD sponsor a program like this!

The National Lark Program

This is an idea who's time has come!!

THE LARK PROGRAM

A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining aboutthe treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay. She received back the following reply:

The White House1600 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Talibanand Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heardloud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to theconcerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the TerroristRetraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decidedto place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detaineehas been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armedguard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be caredfor pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care forAhmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended inyour letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that yoursensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will helphim overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct indescribing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understandthat you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combatand can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nailclippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skillsat your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety ofexplosive devices from common household products, so you may wish tokeep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offendhim.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (exceptsexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. Thisis a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known toshow violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the newdress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sureyou will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and hisreligious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like youkeep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care ofAhmed - and remember..we'll be watching.