Male and Female Orgasm: Not So Different?

These and other metaphors point out a common truism: that men and women are different when it comes to love and sexual response. Women like to be cuddled and men like sex. Women like to talk and men want to have sex. Most women take longer to achieve orgasm than most men. A common sexual dysfunction in women is inability to achieve orgasm, while the corresponding dysfunction in males is premature orgasm.

Here's what you may not know: The actual orgasm, for both men and women, is very similar. This is the case both for the timing and duration of pelvic muscle contractions during orgasm as well as the body sense - the felt experience - of orgasm.

This is not exactly new information. The research on this goes back to the late 1960's. I want to review these findings to make a few points about the erotic dimensions of body sense, points that lead to important implications about enjoying and improving one's sex life by cultivating your body sense.

Two studies done at the University of Minnesota Medical School and published in the early 1980's measured the intensity, frequency, and durations of pelvic muscle contractions (measured with a pressure sensitive anal probe) of males and females during masturbation. There was basically no difference in the pattern of these contractions between males and females.

As shown in the diagram, taken from one of these studies, orgasm begins as a series of 6 - 15 regular contractions of high intensity occurring over about 20-30 seconds. There are individual differences (but no gender differences) in what occurs after this series of regular contractions. For some men and women, these regular contractions are the primary orgasmic experience. These Type I orgasms are the most frequent. Other men and women, however, may continue to experience irregular contractions (shown in the diagram) for another 30 - 90 seconds, so called Type II orgasms. A relatively few people have mixed patterns of regular and irregular contractions.

Two things are important about these data. One is that the individual differences were reliable: people who had Type I orgasms on one occasion were more likely to have Type I orgasms on subsequent occasions, and similarly for Type II. The other important conclusion is that not only were there no gender differences, but the same types of individual differences occurred in males and females. Some women and some men are Type I climaxers and some are Type II.

So, while there may be very different needs, expectations, and behaviors in males and females leading up to orgasm (Mars and Venus), the orgasmic experience is almost identical in both sexes. Orgasm is also likely to be similar in transgender and intersex individuals.

A couple of other studies confirm the male-female orgasmic similarity. A study done in London in 1969 found no significant gender differences in observed increases in heart rate, blood pressure, and hyperventilation during orgasm. A more recent study, from Stanford in 1994, replicated both the Minnesota and London studies. The Stanford study, in addition, found similar levels of increased oxytocin in males and females during orgasm. Oxytocin is the hormone that induces feelings of affiliation and love. Other research, done in 1977 at Reed College in Oregon found no differences in the types of words used by male and female college students to describe their experiences of orgasm (removing, of course, words for the specific genitalia).

Why might males and females have this similar orgasmic response? One reason is basically physiological. The neuromotor pathways for orgasmic contractions are similar in males and females in all mammals. Nature likes economy, so why use different pathways for the same function? Another is that during the first trimester of fetal development, in all mammals, there are no gender differences in the genitalia (another example of natural economy). We are all genitally female at this early age. In the third prenatal month in humans, male fetuses begin to produce more testosterone, which signals their genes to begin creating the structures for male genitals.

The other reason why there are no significant gender differences in orgasm, and I admit to some speculation here, is the need to bring males and females together for the purpose of procreation on the one hand, and stable family formation on the other, both with the goal of creating a healthy psycho-bio-social environment in which to rear the next generation. How would similar orgasmic function promote this? For the same reason we all have similar emotional expressions like smiling and crying. Our mirror neuron system guides us to observe behavior in others that is like our own and more potently, to use that observation for shared and mutually empathic experiences that serve to bring us closer together.

Here's the bottom line. Shared experiences of emotionally intense moments enhance our own and our partner's body sense. When we observe someone crying, we feel sadness for and with them. When we observe someone else having an orgasm, regardless of gender, it enhances the desire, readiness for, and experience of our own orgasms. If orgasms were radically different in males and females, this would be much less likely to happen.

If you've followed any of my other posts in this blog, you'll realize that body sense only works its neuropsychological wonders if we cultivate our attention to it. As I wrote in a previous post, premature ejaculation in males and orgasmic dysfunction in females is related to reduced body sense awareness, suggesting that open and healthy sexual communication requires awareness of and emotional engagement with one's own, and one's partner's, body sensations.

When judgments, evaluations, and expectations are in bed with people, they will feel less of themselves and their partners' experiences. These forms of conceptual self-awareness lead to doubt, fear, and shame, effectively cutting ourselves off from our ability to fully feel our embodied experience, in bed or anywhere else. If we have a habit of drifting into these states and away from being in the present moment with our body sense, it may take a lot of practice, exercise, and even coaching to bring us back home to ourselves.

Given at least a certain level of mutual erotic attraction, feeling all the sensations of a shared partner orgasm - arousal, breathing intensity, vocal calls, mutual gazes, warmth, touch, and pleasure of feeling our own and our partner's deep pelvic muscle contractions - is likely to intensify and prolong the experience for both people. The oxytocin provides the melty feeling and it activates neural centers in the prefrontal cortex and insula that tune us into our own body and to our partner's body. Shared body sense in all aspects of co-living, including sexual engagement, promotes lasting attachments, deepening love, and long term commitments.

I'm not disputing the research findings on the physical and physiological effects measured during male and female orgasm.

Until a more thorough study is done, what I'm going to say is anecdotal, but suggests a possible avenue of research.

I'm a male-to-female transsexual. While the way my body physically performs orgasm has likely not changed, my perception of orgasm altered drastically. And this perceptual alteration happened between 3 and 6 months after starting feminising hormone treatment. Due to the WPATH transition standards of care, I only became eligible for surgery one-and-a-half years after beginning the feminising hormone regimen, which leaves about a year with the 'original factory equipment' while experiencing this altered perception of orgasm.

The difference: While still on male hormones, and orgasm was perceived as very focused and inward-looking. I was aware of little else but the area of my groin and the contractions happening there. After the female hormone regimen had asserted itself, the sensation was of waves rushing out from a center. I find myself much more aware of arms, legs, fingers and toes as this sensation rushes outward.

Transmen (female-to-male) I've spoken with have said that they've also experienced an alteration to their perception of orgasms after their masculinization regimen took hold.

In the interest of science, it might be revealing to interview some trans folks, just to see if this might be a fruitful avenue to investigate.

False......."that men and women are different when it comes to love and sexual response. Women like to be cuddled and men like sex. Women like to talk and men want to have sex. Most women take longer to achieve orgasm than most men. A common sexual dysfunction in women is inability to achieve orgasm, while the corresponding dysfunction in males is premature orgasm."

i am a female and i want sex just as much as the man beside me.
i don't need/want cuddling. do i want to talk rather than have sex. Nooooooooooooooo!!! and i don't need to feel loved to have sex.

i have known men that take awhile to achieve orgasm and i have had women tell me they come quickly. i can match any man's sex drive. i think of sex just as much as any male if not, more !

yes some women don't orgasm during sex. but pose that question to a male the answer is THEY WILL STOP and say they are not going to come due to "my back is killing me, or it is just not going to happen"......who the hell does these "surveys".
in my lifetime, no one has "surveyed" me because i would change all these "theories" on men/women and sex.
it was my good old mom that taught me something so true "some men have high sex drives, some men don't, some women have high sex drives some women don't".

Thanks for your honest comment. The "truisms" are just averages, laden with cultural interpretations and misunderstandings. The real point is that there is more in common between men and women regarding sex than we generally suppose.

My experience during my gender transition matches Hazumu's almost exactly. While the mechanics or orgasm may have remained consistent the subjective experience has been significantly altered. I suspect it has to do with the significant reduction and consequent absence of ejaculation that ensued after taking an anti-androgen and finally having an orchidectomy.

I believe transsexual people could be a valuable resource for this kind of research.

Although technically I'm IS not TS, close enough. After genital reconstruction, and during dilation (usually most uncomfy at that stage) about 30 days after surgery I had my first O. I was essentially anorgasmic before surgery, though a few hours of mechanical stimulation could cause ejaculation. A series of "genital sneezes", and about as pleasurable.
Anyway, after surgery, much the same but MUCH more intense, and very pleasurable. Soon thereafter, I discovered two distinct modes. One involved clitoral stimulation only, and was "over" within perhaps 15 seconds, was intense, focussed on genitalia, and had irregular "aftershocks" up to 5 minutes later, entirely consistent with the article.
The other, which involved penetration with or without clitoral stimulation, was less intense, but a whole-body experience, and lasted indefinitely as long as stimulation continued - and for some time thereafter. This appeared to be similar in nature to the "aftershocks", but regular, more intense, and after a while quite exhausting I noticed no increase in heart rate or BP. There appeared to be no "plateau" as such, and "aftershocks" could continue for up to an hour. Similar, but less intense, experiences were possible from mammary stimulation alone. Even a particularly passionate kiss could take me halfway, with "beforeshocks" rather than "aftershocks".
The first kind is entirely mechanical, and relatively insensitive to mood. The second is more difficult to achieve, and very sensitive to mood and atmosphere. Subjectively more pleasurable though.
I echo the previous commenters' suggestion that trans men and women would make excellent research subjects.

So by having your genitals reconstructed you some how gained pleasure... Sorry to burst your bubble but genital reconstruction damages your genitals severely and is gaurenteed to lower the quality of your orgasms. That is a proven medical fact. You didn't become a girl, you became a man with modified genitals. (damaged genitals)

Thanks so much for bringing this to the attention of readers. When I talk about this with patients, their initial response is often disbelief. I'll be certain to direct them to your post here.

I'm glad that there are more and more psychology folks who keep the body in mind when it comes to relationships, and I look forward to reading more from you. (Thanks, also, for your link to my post - much appreciated.)

I have been doing a relatively large amount of research into the difference between male and female orgasms. There is a striking amount of information that disagrees with what you have claimed here; that orgasms vary between type 1 and 2 and not between genders (I have actually found no other data to support this type1 and 2 theory...). However brain scan attempts made on men experiencing orgasms are completely inconclusive in comparison to those done on women, the common reasoning behind this being that the male orgasm is too short to measure. This would therefore suggest that there is a difference, that being that the male orgasm is shorter lived. Or have I missed something?

Im ftm and I have to say,when on 'female' hormones the orgasms were pathetic to say the least compared to now,but then I thought they were great. It was like waves of a nice feeling,now it's extreamly wonderous and so absolutly amazzzzzing incredeble,something I can't live without and will do anything to get my dose,1,2 or 3 times a day...yes thank U Testosterone YEAH!!! BABY!!!

I realize this is an old blog post; however, I'm sure others will stumble upon it. SWIM happens to be a straight, married male who is open to prostate and anal play, SWIM can certainly attest to a variety of orgasm types resulting from a variety of simulations.

Traditional male orgasm is NOTHING like prostate orgasm, just as clitoral orgasm is NOTHING like vaginal orgasm.

SWIM definitely found the revelation that ALL humans are essential “female gendered” until 2nd trimester quite interesting as SWIM is quite certain he has recently been experiencing orgasms nearly identical to those experienced by women. Perhaps this 1st semester effeminate existence of all males has residual forces that can be tapped into with meditation and practice?

SWIM experiences intense DRY orgasms from prostate stimulation (Google “aneros helix”) that can occur many, many times in a single session. Often referred to as Male Multiple Orgasm, these particular types of orgasms are traffic-stopping, mind-blowing, and earth shattering in every way shape and form. SWIM often temporarily forgets to breathe as his legs, buttocks, and stomach muscles shake and convulse uncontrollably.

For any straight male that has not experienced this, SWIM assures you that you are missing out on a near spiritual experience.

These MMOs overwhelm the body in pulsing waves of pleasure and can ebb and flow for hours if so inclined. Time often stands still during these sessions, leading to 3 and even 4 hours sessions of multi-orgasmic bliss...

Being inspired by the prostate induced MMO, SWIM started exploring other areas of his body and being a keen visual-spatial driven individual, has learned to somehow partially envision himself as a woman, yet possesses no attraction to men or any inclination to be with a male partner.

SWIM can begin imagining what it would be like to have female parts. A few minutes of rubbing and imagination lead to a swollen feeling in said area and a distinct sensitivity in what would be his vaginal and clitoral areas if he were a woman. The clitoral area is in nearly the exact same spot as on a woman, perhaps a tad bit higher, and rubbing, pressing, tapping this area produces some headrushing sensations. Likewise, pressing firmly inward (with fingers or toys) in nearly the same spot as a woman's vaginal opening allows him to feel a sensation of penetration.

SWIM reports that he can produce an orgasm by stimulating one or both of these parts individually or in unison, but also has come to readily understanding frustrations expressed by many women related in getting so close to orgasming, only to have the stimulation ever-so-slightly change and feel the orgasm "slip away" ... More stimulation brings him back to the edge of orgasm once again and with enough concentration--literally, he has to concentrate on it—and just the right "angle" and rubbing patterns/motions he can produce a massive body shaking orgasm.
Aftershocks, as described above, can continue for hours. Sometimes just thinking about a recent session the next day can produce a flushed, pulsating, and pleasant "ache" as well as some involuntary contractions within his nether region.

Some research has turned up that the reactions described above are called perineum orgasms, and for SWIM, the experiences have provided him with an eye-opening, life-change perspective on sexuality and gender.

All of this is done without hormones.

SWIM still enjoys traditional sex with his wife, who remains quite non-judgmental yet also quite uninterested in his recent discoveries, but also equally looks forward to solo opportunities to experience his newly discovered sexual abilities. For a while, the feeling and perceived needs to rub off a dry “quickie” was nearly uncontrollable.

Q: Are teenaged women who have recently discovered the orgasm, quite “addicted” to it for a while, or was that just SWIM? That is not to say they whore themselves around, but let’s be honest: the kagillion dollar sex toy industry is disproportionately women-slanted.

SWIM believes his experience--which is the result of a solid year of aneros practice--is keenly connected to a learned ability to simultaneously blend/transcend the physical and mental attributes that contribute to the human orgasm response, but is certainly open to other suggestions or scientific explanations. Either way, SWIM says this has been to most unique, interesting and pleasurable journey he has had to date… It’s just too bad that his schedule does not often afford him the 2-4 hours he desires and often needs to get worked up into said orgasmic thrill ride

8D Happy trails and journeys to all who follow in the footsteps of SWIM. You not regret it!

Girls have the ability to have much longer orgasms than guys. Not to mention girls and women have the ability to have multiple orgasms in one session, boys and men aren't able to have multiple because of the refractory period, girls don't have this, so they can keep going and going. A lot of guys are saying it's not fair. But look at it this way us guys don't ever have to have periods or worry about getting pregnant or having babies. So I personally think
It perfectly fair that the women get the better and longer and multiple orgasms. As a dude I'll be content with my one quick one every time, knowing I'll never have to give birth or worry about periods every month, plus us guys get the ability to pre standing up, which is very convenient. So I think it's only right women have the orgasms.

Girls are generally luckier than guys in the orgasm department overall. Although the it often may take them longer to get there, their orgasms can be much longer than guys. Sure there there are chicks out there that have quick 5 second orgasms like guys. But the girl are much more capable of having orgasms that last 15-30 seconds in some cases. Not to mention some girls have multiples, 3,4,5, 0r 10 orgasms in a session, where the guys gets 1. My average orgasm is about 5 seconds, I would say typically anywhere from 2-8 seconds. My best ever was maybe 15 seconds. So the girls defiantly win when it comes to orgasms. But I honestly think it's perfectly fair considering they have more to deal with than guys, like periods, babies, sitting down to pee ect.