enough.

4042015

Three years ago,
my heart went
through a pretty
intense surgery.

I had just moved
up North.
I had left and lost
all that I had known
from the several
years before.

I dumped a carload
of stuff in storage
at my dad’s house.
I got rid of 4 carloads
( basically everything)
of my things that I had.
I packed one car load,
mostly shoes and some
clothes and a blue chair
and a bike…. and I
moved up North.

I got here.
I hated it.
I hated the stupid
small town.
I hated how dreary life
seemed.
I hated the people.
I hated the difference it
seemed compared to
the south.
I hated that I was moving
for the 18th time.
I was this open wound,
just bleeding out with hurt
and my heart was so bruised.

Therefore,
I hated God.
I wanted nothing to
do with Him.
I didn’t even want to
scream and rage and
shake my fists to the
sky anymore,
because I didn’t want to
believe or couldn’t believe
that He was even there,
nonetheless listening.

I went through a dark time
of debating whether I even
believed anymore.
I finally came to the conclusion,
that no,
I couldn’t deny the fact that
He existed.
Not when I saw the sun rise
or the green grass.
Or the rain falling.

So I got my second tattoo.

‘Jesus is enough’

Both spectrums are covered
with this statement.

All my life,
I have tried to fill the empty
void and hole that lies
deep within [ all of us ],
with garbage and
things of this world that
are so very fleeting….
and are only instant gratification
but never full satisfaction.

But then there’s the other side.
You can be stripped away
of all you have… which at the time,
that is how I felt in my
wrestling match with God.
He was so winning…

And here I sit,
late into the night
and I am being stripped again.
And this time,
it is a lot more painful.
He is stripping me bare,
down to the very raw core of who
I am.
I have no choice.
I feel the layers slowly
being peeled back…
one very tiny bit at a time.
Layer,
by layer,
by layer,
by layer.

And through the
tear-stained face,
I will try to whisper
to my heart…

‘Jesus is enough
Jesus is enough….
whether I have it all,
or whether I have
absolutely nothing…
Jesus is still enough.”

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”John 10:10