The Journal Of A Black Mormon Girl

Black. Mormon. Girl. Here I will share my thoughts and beliefs about the spiritual chapter of my life. I will write of the things we do as a peculiar people as well as the experiences of being a Member of the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints. I want the world to know that I am not ashamed of that which guides me to be a better person and that which leads me to Christ. It's a great journey, I hope you'll enjoy the view from your seat

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Sunday, January 3, 2016

Sunday, September 6, 2015

I live in Utah. UTAH! Black People make up 1% of the population in Utah. Utah. That was when the last Census was taken in 2013. Although this place Is becoming more and more diverse we black folks in Utah are Pioneers. Most people with brown or olive skin in Utah are pioneers. We miss out on a lot culturally here. There just isn't the interest or the support from the majority of Utah Citizens to learn outside of themselves. That fact, for me is a breeding ground for racial and cultural biases, prejudices and bigotry. People tend to be afraid of what they don't educate themselves of.

Recently (as in a week or 2 ago) 2 movies riddles in black culture with mostly black casts came to Utah. The more popular one is "Straight Outta Compton." The story of the rap group NWA. Although it is a true story, it also plays to the Stereotypes that most believe of black people, especially here in Utah. When speaking with most of my friends here, Majority of course white, they have seen and enjoyed Straight Outta Compton and are fans of the Rap group NWA.

The least popular movie is "War Room." About a family struggling to stay together and failing Until an Elderly woman takes it upon herself to mentor the wife on how to properly fight for you family and marriage through God. I know, I know you already feel the preachy and don't want any part of it. These movies tend to be boring and preachy with bad acting. NO worries! This is probably your que to leave. Everyone else YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I have a new favorite movie! I loved it. LOVED IT

I am so culturally proud of the movie War Room! You see, there's a part of the black culture that the media and entertainment field doesn't really delve into and that is out spiritual side. There is a black church culture like no other. And even as a member of the LDS Church I still say there is nothing like worshiping with Grandma and Grandma's church! I have heard many men and women of God around the world pray: LDS Prophets, Catholic Priests, TD Jakes and Joel Osteen. I've hear prayers in Temples and Cathedrals', Synagogues and Mega churches. But the prayers that strike me to the core are the one's I've heard at the knee of my Momma, Grandmama's and Great-Grandmama's , praying for their families, for their men and praising their God!

As a Christian I am spiritually proud of this movie! I could relate to soo many scenes, from stanky feet to praying for my man (when I had one. Boy, that Alabaster Box Album and the song "He's Not Ready...He's not on his knees" had me on mine and in tears many nights) to walking through every room commanding in the name of Jesus that the Devil get up on outta my house!" Remembering the realness of struggling to submit to the will of the Lord and the final release when humbling myself to do so. And the faith and relief of knowing that God had everything under control. I find myself asking How did I manage to step so far away rom those moments? Now keep in mind this moments were accompanied by the relationship of a Wife who was angry and bitter with her husband and a husband who was angry and bitter at his wife with a daughter in the middle observing it all.

What saddens me the most is when a Good Movie like WAR ROOM comes along it goes unsupported. We, the black community get caught up in Piss-off-city when white people want to see and keep us in stereotypes that reflect us negatively as Rappers, Thugs, and Mad Black people. Yet when something culturally reflecting our spirituality and ability to win a struggle legally, spiritually and morally we don't support it. If WE don't support it, how can we expect others to support us in it?
I have lost count of how many of my friends and family,black and white have seen "Straight Outta Compton." I Can count on 3 fingers how many of them have seen "War Room." That doesn't include myself. I'm not saying "S.O.C" is a bad movie or a bad movie choice. What I am saying is this: I know very few white people who are going to support a movie with an all or mostly black supporting cast. When they do, it will be something along the lines of Madea, or Kevin Hart, Or Martin Lawrence or Will Smith, action filled with swearing, killing and sex. Or the antics of a Big black man dressed up like an old black woman who is most outlandish to the white community. They're going to line up to see our antics in the form of court jesters or thug.

Very few will go out of their way to see stories like SELMA or WAR ROOM. The films that WE Feel define us best to our core.

I saw the Movie SELMA earlier this year. It came out about the same time as American Sniper. Once a gain my white friends/family felt they had to choose to watch SELMA or American Sniper. Not recognizing there didn't need to be a choice. One story was just as American and Patriotic as the other. One story was just as important to American History as the other. The reality of it is WE HAVE AMERICAN SNIPERS IN OTHER COUNTRY BECAUSE OF THE BULLSH*T THAT HAPPENED IN SELMA. Does anyone else find it odd that we have American Snipers "policing the injustices of civil humanities" in other countries, while we can't even get that same support in our own?

War Room set a fire inside of me that I haven't felt for year. It gave me the desire to get back on a plan with myself and with the Lord. In a time where "all lives matter" and people a going into jails and not coming back out alive, or getting stopped by the police and sharing their last breath in the company of those in uniform, it is Imperative that everyone home have a "war room." To deal with the battle that goes on around us every day inside our homes, on our streets and in our places of business. WE ARE AT WAR with Vices we don't even see. Homes are riddled and pocked with abuse, addiction, contention and so many other things tearing families away from each other and the Lord. We've grown to proud to call on Heaven when we are in too deep and have the audacity to wonder why this nation is going to hell in a hand basket when we hear the news of what goes on out in the street. War Room was like Black folks General Conference and if you are LDS that says a lot. Every family needs to see this. And urge your allies to see it as well. There is no reason why everyone regardless of color and culture can't see this film.

It's taken me back to my black church roots! You know, the kind where you get that big white HOLY BIBLE with the genealogy pages for adding the names and birth records of all the family members. And you retire to that prayer room *war room* in the house where you pray in secret everyday and write out those special prayers for special people and situations and hand them on the wall. And you start to keep that Journal of all your answered prayers, so that when times of trouble and doubt creep in you refer back to it REMEMBERING all that the Lord has done for you and yours. This was a movie full of Gospel Principles. And I believe more people would enjoy it if they ventured out to see it. I will be owning this one.

Friday, May 29, 2015

I’ve have been given some amazing blessings during some amazing circumstances I remember rough time in particular when my daughter was 4 or 5 years old a huge cloud of depression came over me and would not lift for weeks. At one point I would send my daughter off to Headstart. From the time she got on the bus to the time she got off the bus would have bouts of crying for what appeared to be no apparent reason. But if there was a knock on the door or a phone call I could turn it off Just like that only to have it start up again when the visitor left of the phone hung up.

One particular Saturday my daughter was spending the weekend with my sister. Although I was not crying I was in the thick of the depression.

At the time, I had a friend who flew out to different states and taught classes on the weekend and would fly back home. I was absolutely shocked when the phone rang and I heard her voice on the answering machine. She mentioned she was calling to say hello. A couple of hours went by and she called back. I, again, let it go to the machine? “Girl, What’s up! Im on my lunch break and wanted to see how you’re doing today!” That weird, and nice of her I thought. We were pretty good friends at the time and so it was nothing for us to call each other. However it was odd for her to call on a week where she was out of state. So Imagine my surprise when she called a third time and said… “Im not sure why I’m supposed to call you, but I’m calling to let you know that I’m thinking of you today and if you’re struggling I can feel it and I’m here if you need to talk or need anything. Love you, bye!”

I was shocked. Although I’m not sure why, because I get impression like to to call or go visit people all the time and it happens to be in a time of need.

I felt It was time I speak with my bishop and get a blessing. My Bishop was also my home teacher and our families were close. I was his wife’s visiting Teacher as well as a young women’s advisor for 2 of their daughters. And they just practically lived In the back yard where my apartment complex was so we were always visiting back and forth. I spoke to him about what was going on and agreed that it sounded like he should give me a blessing. He asked if we could do it the next day so he could fast and pray about it before hand. I have always appreciated him taking the extra time to prepare himself for giving a blessing. I’m not sure that I’ve ever had a bishop do things quite that way but It always made me feel extra special, him asking for time to prepare himself to be a vessel in my behalf.

We met the next day for my blessing which was AMAZING.

I wont mention too much about it but I will mention this particular portion. At some point during the blessing he paused for literally a couple of minutes. That’s a long time to sit in silence. And his voice slightly changed when he spoke again he said “angels are protecting those who are close to you for your benefit…” And at the time that frightened me. My thoughts were… “what’s going to happen to me that those around me are going to need protection to help me??”

Truly limited vision at the time but I’ve come to know exactly what it means. When the blessing ended I felt exhausted. So I laid down to rest. When I woke a few hours later, I called the Bishop’s wife, and we’re close friends. I wanted to thank the Bishop. She said…. “I don’t know what happened in that blessing and I don’t need to know but He came home so exhausted he’s been sleeping for the last few hours. He felt so much of Heavenly Father’s power and love come down for you that it wiped him out!! That’s never happened like that before” We both laughed about how my electric personality and how it must have sapped his energy source and it and compared it to how Lehi was so caught up in the spirit that it exhausted him to his bed. Had it been more current I would have said… “THAT’S THE POWER OF PINESOL BABY!!” lol It felt good to find something to laugh about and in the day following I began to slowly come out of my Cloud of depression.

What I’ve come to learn through the years is that blessings and promises like that aren’t really just for the moment or current situation. This happened 20 years ago and I can see, in the last 20 years how those close to me have been guarded and protected by angels for my benefit.

I had one such occasion a few days ago.

Saturday June 20, 2008 I had a leadership meeting at the LDS genesis chapel. At that meeting I was asking the current Relief Society ( Women’s Organization) President for some advise on a an incident that happened the day before that could be a huge legal issue. The Relief Society President is an attorney so she was in the perfect position to help me with my concern. As I began relaying the experiences to her, my mind blurred and could not differentiate between me telling her the situation and me going through the situations and I began to relive the experience as I’m sharing it with her. I couldn’t “connect the dots” which resulted into a full breakdown.

I couldn’t distinguish between reality and memory. Another of the sisters recognized what I was experiencing and suggest I needed to get to a crisis center. She recognized it because she has gone through it herself and was there available for my benefit. My sister and I had just moved to a new ward 2 months prior so I was not familiar with the name of the bishop. However our neighbor and friend, who also is a therapist was able to contact our bishop and explain the situation. The bishop called LDS Family services crisis line and was able to get me in immediately. I asked the R.S President to come with me. I don’t remember too much about the rest of the day… Or the 6 months after. I do know our new Bishop took great care of me and my needs. He was there before my benefit, before he committed suicide a month and a half after my crisis. I was a stranger and he took me in and made sure I had all the care needed, before he took himself out.

That was 7 years ago. Lately my mind has been fixated on June of this year, 2015. The body and mind remembers anniversary dates especially where trauma is concerned. On Saturday June 20, 2015. I will be at the LDS Genesis chapel in a leadership meeting.

Eerily my mind has been fixated on the events of the same morning 7 years ago. Do I go? Do I stay away? What if I freak the freak out?

I was going over this with my sister. Who at one time was part of the Genesis Leadership. If I happen to get to a point where I am incapacitated, who then can help me? We went through our list of the current members of the Leadership. There would be 3 people there who were in the room the first time. However 1 of them panicked and couldn’t handle it then, it scared them to the point of not knowing what to do. The other 2 could possibly be there however one having PTSD herself and is currently going thru a rough time, may not be there the other being their spouse. Also they will be out of town hopefully holding the newest member of the family they are expecting.

And then I remembered.. . There is a brotha in the leadership who is familiar with my situation. He will be at the leadership meeting. Next month. What I didn’t know until yesterday is that he was actually at the Crisis Center that day I arrived 7 years ago.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. I don’t remember too much about that day… or the next 6 months that would follow. Im told, and As it appears I was taken to the Center and they were expecting me. My brotha was in the front of the office and heard some of what the situation was. Upon hearing it was a possible issue with sexual harassment he returned to his office so as not to trigger or upset the patient coming in because he could feel the urgency of the crisis. I was brought in and whisked away to the back. When he came back out he recognized my friend and my sister. So when I mentioned to my sister this brotha would be there she said… “well he was there the day we took you in.” I told her she was mistaken. She said… She remembered seeing him that day, it was after I had been taken back to see the crisis therapist and he stepped back into the front of the office and there was my friend and my sister. MIND BLOWN!!!!

I immediately messaged him and he called me and confirmed the details of that day. He was indeed there 7 years ago. And will be there next month.

“You’ve got to take that day back! You’ll be in good hands, I got you covered..”

Took me all day to get my head around that. And my sister finally said to me… “angels are protecting those who are close to you for your benefit…”

They were being protected 20 years ago. They were being protected 7 years ago and they are being protected now, for my benefit. . I am truly blessed by those I choose to keep closely in my friendship and grateful to the Lord for that protection he provides them and me.

I hope I can be the type of person who is always worthy of their closeness, their friendship and the protection the Lord provides them in my behalf.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

A part of me feels guilty when I hear of what many of my brothers and sisters go through in their wards. I've heard some ward members will actually snitch on others because they are not in agreement with a comment they heard in Sunday School or Relief Society or in our other meetings.

"Bishop! Sister Blamwell said we shouldn't follow the prophet!"

Sister Blamwell said "We shouldn't follow the prophet blindly without praying for our own confirmation of what the prophet speaks about, because that's how Hitlers come to power"
Even Nephi asked his brothers if they Prayed for understanding and truth of what Father Lehi spoke to them about.

Sometimes I feel this is the difference growing up LDS in Utah vs Outside of Utah.

Which brings us to our ward Families. The beauty of our ward families is that they are compiled of members who come from different backgrounds, cultures, life experiences, countries and perceptions. The problem with our ward families is that they are compiled of members who come from different backgrounds, cultures, life experiences, countries and perceptions.

Our church congregations and meeting houses should be considered a neighborhood home away from home and a place of comfort. Not just for it's members but for anyone who needs a place of respite and energizing and most of all love.
I've heard and seen some horrific things at church. Things that come of a holier than though and elitist nature. Things that folks can leave at the country clubs and other "Society affiliates." Things that should definitely be spoken within the walls of the House of the Lord.

It is hard to walk into a building with the purpose of learning the Word of God when those teaching it an have stewardship and fellowship over you aren't practicing what they're preaching.

We should all be able to go to church, stand in our truth, no matter how good, bad or ugly it is and feel the glory of God within ourselves and within others. Sinners don't need the judging eyes and pointing fingers of those within who have overcome sins of their own. They need the encouragement and the support of love and kindness. They don't particularly need to be reminded they smell like smoke, their clothes aren't clean, they haven't been their in years and suddenly they're here because they need help.
I remember two distinct situations that solidified my idea of what a church congregation can and should be.

I can remember one day when my daughter was younger I was in a depressed state for what seemed like months. She would go to preschool and I would spend my days just sobbing.

I remember being able to turn it on and off if someone called, or came to the door or as soon as she came home. One particular Sunday I had determined I wasn't going to church. I didn't feel like it and I didn't want to. I spent the next couple hours cleaning the house and getting ready for the next week. I had missed our Sacrament meeting and it was halfway through Sunday school. The last meeting of the day would be Relief Society, which is the LDS Women's Auxiliary. So many sisters absolutely hate this meeting. I don't mind it. On this particular day I had no desire to partake of any of the services that day. I remember ignoring that "Still Small Voice.' that said... "Karyn, you should go to church." I shook of that voice 3 times that morning. And when it was about 10 minutes for the Women's Meeting to start I Hear a voice very audibly and powerful. "Karyn, you MUST get to church!" It was so audible I turned around to see who had come into my house. There was no one there that I could see. But the power and urgency I felt in the voice unnerved me.

I put on a Michigan Wolverine sweat shirt, jean skirt and my blue and white Reeboks as part of my Rebellion. I'll go but I'm going on my own terms. I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and walked across the street to the Chapel.

I walked into the door and down the hall to the Relief Society Room. Ignored the greeter and sat in the 2nd to last seat in the 2nd to last row. Those who came in looked at me with a smile and a wave and I bushed them off with a "don't you dare talk, sit or even look at me today or I'll slap you!" Oh there was such an anger in me for having to come. I sat by myself with my arms and legs folded as if to close myself off from everyone else. I was clearly sending the message... "I Don't want to be here so pretend I'm not here.'
The sister conducting stood up, made the typical announcements an turned the time over for the opening Hymn:

I had heard the song for years. Decades. So many times. Something in me that day was so desperate it opened me up to receive that song in a way it never had before and I would never hear that song again without choking up.

By the end of the first verse I felt a tear down my cheek.
By the end of the second verse I was sobbing and recognized 3 sisters had come and sat by me. two on either side and one behind me and they were crying with me, for me. Holding me so tight so I wouldn't fall apart. I was so grateful for them in those moments. By the end of the 3rd verse most of the sisters in the room with crying. It was a great unification of Sisterhood that day. No body knew what was going on with me. Nobody asked me to explain what I was going through or why such a disruption. No body needed to. All they knew was that I needed solidarity of some kind and they did what they could even if it was just crying with me. And it pulled me out of a 6 week depression.

It's literally 20+ years later and that experience lives permanently on my heart. And I share it when I can. Because it demonstrates to me the importance and difference a ward family can make in the lives of those in it.

Another tough time I had been having in a different ward. I had to see the Bishop and his counselors o guide me out of this experience. It was difficult and humbling. I could have easily not confronted the situation but know I couldn't live one more minute in the truth of it.
My ward leaders gathered around me. They acknowledged my fear and my desire to run away. They took me in and asked me to trust them, and to trust the Lord. They followed up with please don't run from us. Please let us love you and support you and keep you strong through it. Our purpose and the purpose of the ward is to love you through it all.

I was awestruck by this. The more I share this experience I find it to be a rarity. This particular ward couldn't give a rat's tail what you look like, how you smell, what you're wearing they would welcome anyone at anytime with open arms and smiles. And it wasn't just those who were assigned to fellowship your family it was everyone, even the children. When the president of the Women's Auxiliary asked you for a "Fast & Testimony Bingo Card." so she could play during sacrament you KNOW you are amongst good people.

Just like any other family, Ward/Congregation family has all kinds. Gossips. Snitches. Liars. Beggars. Feminist. Abusers. Users. Manipulators. Praisers. Encouragers. Cheerleaders, those who strengthen. Followers. Leaders. This is why it takes us all being close to the Lord and working toward his spirit upon us to have that inspiration of how to create a loving and inspired ward family.
Our attitudes towards each other in the ward can have a lasting affect on a person for the whole week. We can be so energized from our Church experience that it carries over into all areas of our lives. We can also be so traumatized by our church experience that it carries over into all areas of our lives. When Thursday come around are you dreading looking forward to Sunday or are you excited to gather again with your ward family? Are you the reason someone doesn't come? Are you the reason someone stays? Even though our Lord should be the number one reason we go to worship in these buildings with these people we would not be honest with ourselves if we didn't recognize that being surrounded by certain people does have an effect on if we want to be some place.
Church is not the place to air your dirty laundry with your neighbor. It is not the place to voice or share your negative experiences with Sister Blamwell. It is not YOUR home and you shouldn't run it as if it is your home. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT and accept anyone who enters into the House of the Lord. Our job is to make sure the all who enter feel the Love of the Father in Heaven through our interactions with each other.
There's no better place to heal mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually than a place where people are going to be loving on you. Church should be that place.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

We enter the new year with promises of a new life. We're going to get healthy. We're going to get out of debt. We're going to forgive and forget. We're going back to school. We're going to get organized. We're going to stop smoking. We're going to start going back to church. We are going to make it happen.

I have some of those same goals. I made them early on and had already began to incorporate them so they would already be in play when the new year arrived.

To make a long story short, I've been ill since the 2nd week of November.

It will continue to recycle until I can get into a specialist. Plans to be back in school this semester have been moved to summer semester. I'm not going to be out of debt anytime this year and plans for doing all the 5k's I wanted aren't looking so great either.

So I can either pout and go into being pissed and complain about it for the rest of the year or.... I can adjust the plan OR I can make a new plan. The point is if I sit and complain and poo poo about how the original plan is junked up and stay bitter about it then it's going to be a really bitter year.

There have been many times when I have stopped progressing at the first sign of struggle or a challenge. I think we all have at some point. I've learned that those things are put in place to verify my strength, faith and perseverance.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

I'm excited for this holiday season. The national and local media are riddled with murder and missing persons, political wrong doing, war and rumors of war. Stepping out of our homes is like stepping into the pages of the book of Revelations.

Sadly there are family members who will not make it back home at the end of the day due to some horrific incident. Others will be minding their own business and be acted upon in ways that will literally make the Lord shed tears for his children. We are living in dark and difficult times. And despite some of our best efforts it seems as if the world is not getting better.
We are a wounded world. We are a world in need of healing.

We are a world struggling to survive morally. We, as a whole, are weary. And when you are weary you do things at a point of survival, not living.

The world is in Survival mode because we have forgotten how to live. The days go by slow but the years are flying before us. We are less than a month away from a new year. 2015 is upon us and are we better off than we have been spiritually? Emotionally?

We've taken to blaming the President, Congress and local leaders for the weariness of our nation. They have very little to do with common courtesy, human kindness, manners, home training and good parenting. I truly believe the fate of our country lies within the household. Within MY house hold and within yours, and your family's and our neighbors. I can't control the world and it's attitudes and actions. But I can control my home. I have a say in my home. In my home I can get a handle on education and employment. I can discuss gun control and being for or against. I can teach about diversity, different cultures and races and their contribution to the world. I can reiterate my moral beliefs on what the media chooses to show and how they choose to spin it. And because I have the opportunity to parent and teach within my home, in this weary world, I have a thrill of hope! And with each new day is comes a renewal of hope!

I have come to know that if you don't have hope, you really don't have anything.
Home is where we first learn to deal in the world. We learn manners, obedience, hygiene, responsibility and accountability. Or that's what we should learn. We learn it in the home and with our families, how to treat others how to share and negotiate. How to love, fight and forgive. With a thrill of hope we take these thing from our home into the world with us and we use them properly. And when it's time to establish our own homes we plant these things into the foundation and pass them on to those in our own house hold. By teaching these things we cultivate that thrill of hope to our generations. And by being strong leaders we also become a sort of "thrill of hope!"
There is nothing more hopeful then someone so motivated that their enthusiasm births a call to action! And when we put our hope into action we create change.

I guess for me, this holiday season I have feeling the call to create change. To be so enthusiastic about change that I can create that hope in others.

The birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is the most epic event to bring a call of action. A gift from God above he sent us a little baby who would create such a monumental change on the earth that 2,014 years later his life still motivates us to change the world for the better because his birth and death are THE ultimate thrill of hope. It is through him and his love and grace and mercy that we are able to experience the many miracles that come throughout our lifetime.

If nothing more this holiday season I expect to experience that thrill of hope in the kindnesses we extend to each other. It's not a requirement to be friends with everyone. But you definitely don't have to be enemies eithers. Being able to have your differences and dislikes and still act civil brings hope that we can all get along.
I'm excited this holiday season because I have such a welling of hope in my heart that I have a desire to find it. Create it. Share it.
If you don't have hope then you've lost so much more than you'll ever realize. And as long at you wake up each day, even in our weariest state, each day brings hope for the better.

... Long lay the world in sing and error pining
'til he appeared and the soul felt it's worth....

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Last year I, along with a few of my other Black LDS Sister Bloggers, were asked toexpress why we feltthe Struggle for being a Black Women in the church was not that of the same struggle as those who were looking to Ordain Women to the Priesthood or to petition to have more women in more visual leadership and speaking roles in the church.

The Church has women of every kind from all walks of life, with different perspectives and working toward differing causes. However our Membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints should at least bring us to the common goal of supporting, strengthening and cheering each other on in those appropriate times.No matter what else we do or what differing perspectives we have, if we can understand our differing struggles andSupport and Celebrate each other through them,then we, as Sisters In Zion, will always be unifiedand solid.

A mere six months ago Myself, as well as a few otherBlack LDS Female Bloggers were asked to submit Statements on our Perspective of why we felt The Struggles of the Mormon Feminist Housewives and Ordain Women were not united with the struggles of the black sisters. Why was their not more support from Black sisters of these two organizations and causes.

Many of us felt those groups were more geared toward theWhite sister of the church because so little mention, if any, of theracial struggle in the church and how it effects the black sisters is a taboo issue.

By now almost everyone knows the History of the Church concerning it’s black members, and howcertain blessing on Earth and in Eternity were said to be withheld from the African/African American Race. Finding the true reasoning behind it is even more of a taboo conversation that, thank goodness, more people are now willing to have.

My black sisters and did our best to educate our bloggers, twitter followers and Facebook fans on things like Wearing Pants to Church and Speaking out about having a Women Pray in a more Popular Session of General Conference.Even if we didn’t do it ourselves we spread the news, educated those around us.

When General Conference came around last Spring and a Sister gave one of the Prayers, Social media lit up withexcitement and praise! I mean my phone, lap top, Tablet and every other gadget I ownthat allows social media buzzed and beeped and sang and rang for days regarding this monumental occasion!PROGRESS, my sisters, and we all worked together!

5 days ago on September27th, 2014 our General Conference Season started, as it typically does with our General Women’s session.

For the most part it started as it typically does:

Prelude Music , Announcement of show is conducting,which Choir would be singing for that session and so on and so forth.

Announcements are made The Agenda presented,The opening hymn was sung and the announcement of the who would be opening up our World Wide General Conference.

Unbeknownst to the majority of us was a Sister from South Africa who had taken her place in the Red Velvet seats reserved for those whowould have a part I that session of conference.Sister Dorah Mkhabela a member of the LDS Young Women’s General Board, is THE FIRST BLACK Sister to ever pray in a session of General Conference. Not the first Sister Of Color, but the FIRST BLACK SISTER, African Descent. She is also the first black women to be on any General Board of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Given The History in this country and in the church. This is MOMENTOUS! THIS IS AMAZING. THIS IS HUGE! And THIS IS HISTORY!

I was reminded of a time in1978 when I heard on the Radio that President Spencer W Kimball of the LDS Church announced that EVERY Worthy Mail would be able to receive the priesthood! Because this meant that.

So that you can understand the magnitude of this let me explain a few things from my point of view:

Black families have been ripped apart since before they set foot on this land.We have been torn away from our families in Africa and brought to this country. Then while I this country stolen away and sold from the family. And after slavery, taken away to travels hundreds of miles and states away to find work to provide for a family many would not have the luxury of living in the same home, if the family were to survive. Degraded, demeaned and belittled in a place where thought to be less than human, yet still drafted to fight for the very country that held it’s thumb on their neck while they, trying to survive. This very country partially built with the blood, sweat ,tears and flesh of so many people of color.

When my family joined the church back in1972… a church where black people “could never” excel to the point of the highest degree of Heaven, it was baffling.Until “Could Never”turned into… “in the Lord’s time.”And while we waited for “The Lord’s” time, my family pressed on.With the help and love of our ward family we pressed on in this church.

When it came time for my siblings in I to be baptized at the age of 8 we each, in turned, chose a brother from within the ward to guide us into the waters of baptism, while our father sat and humbling watched another man bring his children into the Gospel. He must have felt some kind of way! If I know my father, he was simply just grateful to those ward brothers for accepting the invitation and providing a way for his children, since he could not. I’m sure he felt the same way when having to call upon those men to come to his aide in blessing his family in times of illness and other hardships the family faced.We had to go outside of he, who should have been partnered in spiritual authority in his own home, to seek out someone else and bring them into our home to partake of those blessings of the priesthood.

The Brethren in our ward and stake Did “whatsoever is gentle and human!”

I ask you as a member today, how willing would YOU be to bypass your husband or father to bring another man in your home to bless you and your family? How willing would YOUR husband or father be to do that? You’d probably do it, but I tell you eventually you would begin to feel some kind of way.

In1978 that long promised day arrived! My father and brothers would then receive the priesthood!The phone rang off the hook FOR DAYS!! Those on the other line laughed and cried and shouted for joy. They blessed us and thanked Heavenly Father. What did they care? They already had the gift of the Priesthood in their home!These are the moments when you know you are loved. When you know you are heard. When you know you are supported because they“cheered and blessed in humanity’s name!”I still don’t think that in 36 years we fulfilled all of the dinner invitation we rec’d.

5 Days ago on Saturday September 27, 2014. THIRTY-SIX YEARS after the first black man had the priesthood restored to him, a black woman opened up our General Conference Season with Opening Prayer!How exciting to share this with my other brothers and sisters of the church!I expected much like the celebrations of the church membership back in1978!Oh, what a mistake that was!Of course the my Black LDS Sisters would be rejoicing! It is the first time we’ve seen a representation of who we are in those red velvet seats.What a POWERFUL IMAGE to see Sister Dorah take her place among the leadership.She not only took her place… she essentially in doing so, RSVP’d a place for the rest of us.And to those of who have been watching those red seat decade after decade fill with every face but your own, it was an overwhelming state of grace and redemption and Heavenly Father’s love.

But wait…. My gadgets weren’t buzzing and ringing or beeping or Singing. I went to my black Mormon blogs and they were all afire.I went to the Ordained Women andMormon Feminist Housewives blog, and the places that sought us out 5 months ago to help rally their cause and there was a “woot or two.”I think quite a few of my Black Sisters were in awe at the lack of support.After all we had worn pants to church. We had blogged about the push to have women pray in conference.Some are active on the Ordain Women cause.So excuse when I ask… WHERE THE HELL ARE OUR WHITE SISTERS????

**CRICKETS**

Where is their Conversation and Dialogue? Where is their praise and excitement? Where is their sharing and educating ofOur Moment the way we shared and educated theirs? Where is the “CHEERING IN HUMANITY’S NAME?”

So we pumped the breaks on our celebration to ask them.. .HEY, where are you? Where is the “go tell it on the mountain” team that came to us six months ago and asked US to “go tell it on the mountain?”You invited us to help you host this party. And then you bailed on us after your portion of the Grandstanding was finished.In essence it feels like the we were invited to the big house, only to be left there alone after the main party moved on to another house on the plantation and forget about us.

Having to stop the celebration to educate others about it, turns lessinto a celebration and more like the usual let me explain this so you’ll “get it.”Did it dampen ourRespect for the situation?Absolutely not! Did it stop OUR celebrating? No, not at all. What it DID do was show us why truly why the Sister in Zion will probably not be standing together in solidarity for a long, long time. It let us know that if we aren’t in a position to be our own champions or stand up for ourselves we just do not know that we can count on our white sisters to stand up in our behalf.

Until those sisters fighting for Equality in the church begin to SEE US and be included on our Turf, the way we took up their invitation our their turf and treat us as their equals and stand with us, the same way they stand with each other, we will have a difficult time seeing ourselves and benefactors for their cause.

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Contributors

He Carried Me

He carries me still. "...And if they do not believe, they will receive no visitation. If they are content to depeond upon their own limited calculations and interpretations, then, of course, the Lord will leave them to their choesn fate..."

Sister Marjorie Hinckley

“I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk’s lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

President Gordon B Hinckley

"I remind you that you are not second-class citizens in the kingdom of God. You are His divine creation. Men hold the priesthood. Yours is a different role, but also extremely important. Without you, our Father's plan of happiness would be frustrated and have no real meaning. You are 50 percent of the membership of the Church and mothers of the other 50 percent. No one can dismiss you lightly. "

2006 General Relief Society Meeting

This is what you get early morning

5 am scripture reading

"Read the Scriptures and Read Good Books"

"MASTER" by MY FRIEND Toni Sorenson :)

101 Favorite Poems

Being Enough

Christmas Jars

Feathered Serpant Book 2

Feathered Serpant Book1

Gadiantons And The Silver Sword

If Life Were Easy, It wouldn't be Hard

Leaning On Prayer

Mary, Martha and Me

Men of Valor

Passage to Zarahemla

Personal Promises from the Lord to You

Poems

Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites

The Miracle of Forgiveness

The Peacegivers xx

The Ten Virgins

Way To Be

You Are Special

Don't Get It Twisted

"When a man or woman is doing the will of GOD no obsticle in front of them is stronger than the power behind them."

My Favorite LDS Hymns

Abide With Me Tis Eventide

Called To Serve

Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing

Faith In Every Footstep

God Of Our Fathers Whose Almighty Hand

How Firm A Foundation

How Great Thou Art

I Believe In Christ

I Need Thee Every Hour

I Stand All Amazed

If You Could Hie To Kolob

Our Saviors Love

Praise To The Man

The Lord Is My Shephard

Integrity Of Heart

"We should not be discouraged or depressed by our shortcomings. No one is without weakness. As part of the divine plan, we are tested to see whether we master weakness or let weakness master us. Proper diagnosis is essential to proper treatment. The Lord gave us this remarkable assurance: “Because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong” (Ether 12:37). But wishing for strength won’t make us strong. It takes faith and work to shore up a weakened cord of integrity."--Russell M. Nelson, "Integrity of Heart", Ensign, Aug. 1995, 19

*thanks Cliffy!*

A SOUL SO REBELLIOUS

I marvel that he would decend from his throne divineto rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine...

Looking Towards the Future

Insight

My Favorite Scriptures

Old Testament

1 Samuel 25:23-28

I like these Verses of scripture for a few reasons but most of all because Abigail takes on the roll of the Savior, and teaches us how to do the same.

Nabal, Abigail's husband, withholds payment and provisions for what he owes David and his men. David is angered and sets out to destroy the house of Nabal.Abigail recognized the wrong that her husband Nabal has done and in doing so she set out to correct it. She took more than the provisions promised to David and met David and his army in the Desert. She approaches David: " 24And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let thisiniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid."

She is asking David to consider the sins of her husband Nabal as her own against him, and accept the offering she has for him as the payment and forgiveness for that sin. He could have refused the offer, and demanded justice upon Nabal, trying to force his hand. David received the offer and returned to his home.By doing this thing, Abigail accomplished two things: She payed the price for the sin of Nabal against David, but also she stopped David from the committing the sin of revenge and whatever else he had planned against Nabal's house.

Just as our Savior Jesus Christ has taken upon our sins and paid the price for them as his own, he asks us to remember that he has also taken the sin of those who will sin against us and has paid the price for them also. The cost he paid for the sins of the world is sufficient. Who are we to try and force the hand of another to pay the cost that Christ has paid already? We are to forgive and move on.

***no matter what, FORGIVE***

What's Coming up?

50 things about me

1. I Love My Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ2. My Daddy delivered me when I was born3. I used to have a herniated navel and looked like a little boy til I was about 4 years old4. I love the snow5. But I get hives if I play in it6. So I took up playing the violin...but only for a year7. I was an art major in college8. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up9. I like to give things away10. I'm too loyal sometimes to people who aren't loyal to me11. I'm scared to fly since 9/1112. I can't sing but I'm always singing and dancing while doing house work13. I have 9 siblings if you count the step-siblings14. My favorite flowers are CalleLillies15. I'll dance by myself on the dance floor16. I have a groovy Daughter that teaches me more than anyone I know17. I take my emotions too seriously18. I'm a good public speaker19. I snort when I laugh really hard20. Sometimes I'll laugh till I get bad stomach cramps or throw up21. I'd rather go through 9 months of childbirth, 12 hours of labor and delivery than throw up once!22. Def Lepard is my favorite band of all times23. And their one arm drummer inspires me to "go for it" when I'm down.24. I'm addicted to chicken! (I'm gonna grow wings one day, I know)25. I'm scared of Spiders, Snakes, tight spaces and the sight of dead bodies, coffins and hearses.26. I hate people who suck up and brown nose.27. I will over analyze a situation until I think it's solved.28. I always have an urge to flip the bird or stick out my tongue when I take pictures.29. I love college football! (go Michigan Wolverines)30. I' broke my left ankle 3 times: Play'n jump rope, steppin' off a curb, walkin' down steps31. I can make money cooking my favorite recipes32. My favorite color is the color of shrimp33. I love taking pictures34. But I suck at it!35. I like to create traditions with friends and family36. My favorite TV show is One Tree Hill. I watch it with my daughter37. I want a puppy doggiesooo badly :(38. I want more kids too :S39. I'm afraid to be in a serious relationship40. I can forgive anything. ANYTHING! But I won't put up with feeling disrespected41. I'm No longer afraid of Funerals, coffins and Hearst :)42. I have a lot of growing up to do.43. When I get mad I get vicious ;(44. I think outside of the box MOST of the time45. I love the Dance Dance Revolution video game46. I make the best spaghetti sauce47. and creamy chicken wild rice soup48. I love to read49. I'm nocturnal. I'd rather be up all night then all day.50. I have glasses and contact lenses that I NEVER wear.

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President Spencer W. Kimball

"...And if they do not believe, they will receive no visitation. If they are content to depeond upon their own limited calculations and interpretations, then, of course, the Lord will leave them to their choesn fate..."