(Our failing local newspaper, desperate to sell more subscriptions, has resorted to telemarketing. Despite being on the Do Not Call list, we get calls from them every day for a month. I finally pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hi, this is [name]. Can I interest you in a subscription to [newspaper]?”

Me: “No, thank you. I’m not interested.”

Telemarketer: “Why not? Is it too expensive? We also offer Sunday/Wednesday-only subscriptions.”

Me: “There are hundreds of free news sources online now. I get all of my news online. I just don’t need it; I’m sorry.”

Telemarketer: “But ink cartridges are expensive. Doesn’t it cost a lot more to print all your own news?”