Blinding Eye Dog
/ Bio

A few years ago while exploring the Vatican's library of forbidden texts elite members of the Catholic Church found three missing pages from the horrid Necronomicon. Within these pages an ancient language revealed an apocalyptic prophecy. They could not pronounce the true name of this horror but it roughly translated to Blinding Eye Dog, a cult of unspeakable abominations long ago imprisoned between the dimensions as we know them. Unfortunately reading the pages also opened the gateway this malevolent force from the shadows needed to invade our world with the intent of regaining their lost power, enslaving our souls, and drinking our booze. Various agents of the church were dispatched to locate and destroy the cult. All vanished save one, the Reverend Von Horrorsin, and he wished he had.

Reverend Von Horrorsin had tracked the activities of the cult to an underground wrestling arena in Baltimore. He infiltrated their ranks and discovered their champion was none other than the leader of Blinding Eye Dog, the Luchador Demon Elvistopholes. He attempted to exorcise the demon but was distracted by his tight, latex clad buttocks. Elvistopholes seized upon the opportunity and charmed the enthralled priest with gifts of free beer and chili-cheese dogs. The Reverend Von Horrorsin could not resist, his soul now belonged to the demon and he became forever a minion of Blinding Eye Dog.

Elvistopholes, now imbued with the power of the tainted priest's soul, initiated his plan to dominate the world by summoning a horrific war beast, the Great Old One, Wraith. But Elvistopholes was too intoxicated. He mumbled the words of the incantation and instead brought forth the Great Cute One, Punkachu. His power drained by the failed summoning, Elvistopholes lamented on how he could ever dominate anything with a small and disgustingly adorable Punkachu.

Elvistopholes thought long and hard and finally came up with a plan. Where drunken evil magic had failed, drunken evil science might prevail! He put out an ad for a mad scientist on Craigslist and after a few days and thousands of spam emails he enlisted the services of Dr. Pervert West. Dr. West arrived with a syringe of florescent green liquid which he gleefully injected into the Punkachu. While the Punkachu writhed in pain, Elvistopholes seduced Dr. West with massive quantities of beer and tequila. Dr. West could not resist and Elvistopholes stole another soul for Blinding Eye Dog as they both fell into inebriated unconsciousness. When they awoke they found the mutated Punkachu had grown to monstrous power and proportions. Unfortunately he was still disgustingly adorable.

Prophecy had become reality. Blinding Eye Dog was once again at full strength and set off to enslave the world. Twenty minutes later they decided it was too much like work and formed a punk rock band instead.