A Lesson In Staying Present

In March, I set up about 8 different apartment alerts. Every day I’d get emails about different listings in neighborhoods I was interested in. I obsessed over that until July.

In July, I started scheduling viewings. Once I found my place I harassed the property manager until he approved me.

August was about the logistics of the move. I packed boxes. Looked for movers, house cleaning services, paint colors, all the things I’d need to get settled.

It’s September, I’m still living out of boxes and these days my thoughts are held captive by the next big thing. I’ve been thinking about this move, decorating, enjoying my solitude for so long. It’s finally here and my mind’s onto the future, while I stay behind on auto-pilot.

There’s a part of me that’s addicted to planning. I love ironing out the logistics of this or that. It’s my security blanket. Yet, somehow, a process designed to make living easier turned into one that keeps me from living at all.

Oprah recently did a Vogue interview in which she made an offhand comment about how she’s finally learned how to be present. Perhaps it wasn’t that offhand (it made it to the article), but it really struck a nerve.

Time is something you’ll never get back. I’ve been waiting for two years to have a job and the means to live on my own; I can’t really tell you that I’ve celebrated the magnitude of actualizing something that took 730 days. I just know that’s a lot of time to be after something to brush it off when it finally gets here.

There's a sanitizing element to being a logistical being. It means never really having to feel the full brunt of what's going on around you because you're only worried about keeping the wheels moving. Sometimes in church, I wonder if the people running the sound or the lights still feel God in the same way, with their focus being keeping the service running.

I'm the sound man in my own life. Intentional living is about more than nuts and bolts, choosing what tasks are worth your energy and which aren't. There are times when intentionality is about choosing humanity and allowing yourself the ups and downs that come with it. That's experience, that's being fully present.

So, it's time I learned to just be here, wherever here is.

This is a post in the series #Snatchedby25. For the next five months, I’m on a journey to dig deep(er) and hustle hard(er) before I usher in my 25th birthday. It’s about healthier living, more intention, and deliberate manifestation.