Things I Didn’t Say

It’s not quite 9 am as I write this.
Here is a list of things I managed not to say to people today. I admire my restraint.
But it’s early, so I’m pretty sure that will fade as the day goes on.

Do you know how much restraint I’m using to not open it and let it all out?!?

“Then you’ll look like a piece of pink Swiss cheese.”

“What’s that smel-… Oh, it’s you, isn’t it.”

“Do your parents know you ate lead paint as a child??”

“Hey, you’d get a great price for me on Ebay!”

“Explain to me again why getting out of bed this morning was a good idea.”

“You didn’t pay for that haircut, did you???”

“How is that my problem, and why should I care?”

“You’ve been listening to Reason and Logic? Is that a band? Because I know you’re not talking about the company.”

“You don’t expect me to actually do that, do you?”

I expect my inner voice will get loud enough break through as the day goes on. Fortunately, my boss is laid back, and as long as I keep actually doing work, I should be fine.
And to restrain myself, I just keep reminding me that come Saturday I’ll be away and offline totally for a week.

Sometimes my inner voice takes over the outer voice and I can’t control it. People know this in advance though, so I don’t seem like a total asshole to them…only to strangers and small animals. The week is half over, or something, so Friday will be here soon!

You can say them. Just don’t say them where you can be heard. Every so often, I go out to my car and just scream obscenities until I feel better. It usually doesn’t help, but what do you expect? The word ‘obscenities’ doesn’t really release anything.

The Reason and Logic one (killer!)
Things I did say out loud BEFORE 9:00 a.m. :
“Is the mouse guy coming today? There’s something rustling around in the closet and I’m NOT opening it!”
“Yes, Dear, the nurse says you DO have pink eye… why don’t you look over there in the closet and see if we have some Lysol …”
lol.

Your restraint is amazing. You do realize that we’re on the cusp of inserting computer chips in our brains that will let people into our innermost thoughts? That’s going to make things a little awkward since I’m mostly thinking “shut the fuck up” whenever anyone is addressing me.

Oh my God, this is awesome. Not to mention timely. Not to mention awesome. And yes, I know I said awesome twice but hey . . . chalk it up to the things I DID say, and with good reason.
If I had one super power, it would be to enlist George Carlin’s words to my thoughts in public settings. Sure, I wouldn’t be able to hold a job to save my life. But really, would I need one with all the talk show bookings I would be collecting?

I want to go to a party where everyone agrees to let it all out, as insulting as it may be or not-politically correct, it would be a blast!! Are you hosting? Where will next week take you and how will we survive without Guap? 🙂

I think that was a user asking me to get to a website for something they personally needed.
It would have meant disabling some security software on their pc.
I didn’t, but it wasn’t urgent for them, just inconvenient.
(If it had been urgent and they convinced me they needed it, I’d have lent them a machine on an outside network.)

So you are taking a sabbatical are you?:) Well okay then just a week off to regenerate the cells and excite the senses, or is it a busman’s holiday, Halloween get together, early winter skinny dipping extravaganza, shopping with the wife or perhaps a bit of you know what with a harem of naughty nymphomaniacs? 😉 I know which one I would choose but I certainly hope that you have fun whatever your vices are 🙂 lmao