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Author
Topic: Depression And Stress And Living With Hiv (Read 4092 times)

I am going on my 26th year with hiv and in the past year I became detectable and resistant to an hiv med I was on.Am back on track and am on 5 new hiv meds.Now I am undetectable. Depression seems to come and go.I realize that some hiv meds can cause depression,but also every day problems that might occur can.The loss of my 20 year job back in january 2009 was a major blow to me and losing my health insurance.Alot of you have read my story on here before so I'll just get to something you dont know about me.I live with my mom and family members.I have a small savings in my checking account plus I get unemployment and just joined an AIDS organization recently that helps me with some weekly groceries,they give groceries and I joined two of their hiv support groups.

My 77 year old mother works part time and gets social security check monthly,yet she still depends on me for gas for her car,and the families groceries,I paid for her car repair this month and she needs money to pay her taxes on our home.Also I pay for the internet access for the family and satelite tv.One of my family members is on welfare and gets under $200 a month and some food stamps.She helps with some food and no other bills.My other family member makes $38,000 a year on an internet job and doesnt pay a cent for anything.Though once a year she'll pre pay for a trip to take with my mom.She has anger issues and is manic depressive.Plus she gets money taken out of her bank account monthly from the IRS who she owes money to and told my mom she only has $100 to live on till December 2nd.My mom is afraid to ask her for anything for fear that she'll scream at her for hours.Which she has done on occasion and at me.

Today my mom asked me for some money for a bill she owes now.I got upset because I just paid alot for her car repair and she knows I'm unemployed. To make a long story almost short.I wrote mom the check and she gave me a post dated check for the same amount.She also needed help to pay the taxes and told me ,you dont have to help me with the taxes after all,I'll take care of it".I asked HOW? She said she'll figure something out.

I'm afraid that all this anger and depression i feel will manifest itself into getting me sick again with my hiv and I'll become detectable .I cant afford to move out,yet I cant stand living with such selfish people and what its doing to me !

Marc,Sorry to hear about the situation at home, but happy to hear you are again undetectable. Remember to take care of Number One first--yourself.The only financial suggestion I can give is to see if your state offers homestead exception for your mother. Many states will "discount" or waive property taxes for the elderly on their homestead property as long as they are living there, meet the income guidelines and the property is in their name. It is worth a shot.

Marc,Sorry to hear about the situation at home, but happy to hear you are again undetectable. Remember to take care of Number One first--yourself.The only financial suggestion I can give is to see if your state offers homestead exception for your mother. Many states will "discount" or waive property taxes for the elderly on their homestead property as long as they are living there, meet the income guidelines and the property is in their name. It is worth a shot.

Sebastian was the ONLY ONE here who cared enough about me to write such a kind and compassionate response.Hes the only person who responded to my post in general !!!! I didnt mind him doing it in this part of the forum.It bothers me that someone else here has to be so political and tell him hes not allowed to post in this section.That was cold and insensitive of that other person to do.As a 26 year survivor of hiv I am deeply touched that someone is treating me with such respect as sebastian was.Marc

Marc, us LTS'ers who have been posting here for a long time, are very sensitive about who posts in our forum. So, that's why Sharkdiver said what he did. We've had a lot of "insensitive" remarks from people who are newly diagnosed, and also a lot of unintelligent things said to us, and lack of understanding, which you, obviously, have not experienced. We need our own space. Now.....

I am unfamiliar with taxes; I've always rented. About your family member who gets welfare; you're probably just going to have to be satisfied with whatever it is she can do. About the family member who earns $38,000; I would encourage your mom to get that person out of the house if she doesn't want to help out, and be sure you're there when she does, so nothing happens to your mom. About your mom's asking you for help; have you ever expressed to your mom that you don't think it's fair? You say you pay for the internet access, but obviously you use it, so I don't think you should say anything about that. The other things, if you don't want to pay for them, well, I would talk it over with your mom. You may not be able to live on your own, but at least you've been able to accumulate some savings. Being that I just lost both my parents in the last two years, there are some things I would like to say; but, I won't, so I won't give advice that would be deemed "insensitive." If nothing changes, then maybe you could ask your ASO about housing programs for people with HIV, and see about moving out. Otherwise, maybe there's a compromise that could be worked out between you and your mom.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I would like to suggest that if you have something you want to post about that does not directly concern being an LTS, that you post in Living where you'll get the benefit of many other people being able to respond and offer support and advice. This forum exists to cater to the special needs and concerns of LTSers and the problems you raise here are not LTS specific.

I can move this thread if you wish. Let me know, I'll be glad to help.

As for your situation, I agree with Betty that a compromise needs to be reached. It sounds like it's time for you to assert yourself and make your needs known. I know it's no fun being taken advantage of.

Again, let me know if you want me to move your thread to the Living forum where more people can respond.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

BT and Ann pretty much summed up what i was going to write to you this morning. Those were true compassionate statements. Think about this, you actually stood up for yourself when you thought my comment was unfair, cold, insensitive, etc. Take that energy into discussing things with your mom and the others.

you will do well, you've survived all these years. You can get through this

We are not excluding anyone from participating here, but we do ask that you be mindful of the special needs for which this particular Forum has been established.

The OP, a long-term survivor, posted a question and received a relevant, thoughtful response from a 'newbie' that was supportive and courteous and in no way disrespectful to any long-term survivor. Why would we want to discourage such helpful information?

I can't help but think that such a strong reaction would lead both Marc and Sebastian from not only posting here but anywhere at AidsMeds. I hope not. Everyone has a lot to contribute to each and every forum, including this one. I think that's what Tim Horn had in mind when he said anyone could post here.

There have been a few of us, not just sharkdiver or myself, who have asked newly diagnosed people not to post here. And if you read the thread in "living with" about aging and HIV, you'd see that some LTS'ers didn't like what was posted there, from newly diagnosed people, and made mention about how grateful they are this particular forum exists. Maybe there are other LTS'ers who feel as you do, but the majority who have posted do not.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hi Mark, I wish I was able to Post something that would truly make a difference and I suspect many people have read your story ,wanted to say something but like myself first reading it, where at a loss as how to. I am English .living in the UK so know next to nothing regarding what option's are available in your area. What I would like to add is even if your sister payed her way she sounds a very differcult person to live with, controlling those around her by making them afraid off her anger.I was wondering, but this is based on what could happen in the UK so , As she has MH problems does she have a case worker who could help you all in any way, along shot but who knows. What I hope is you are able to have the health and your area has the resources so you get another job, thereby giving you at least time out off the house and the financial freedom to look at some options. Anyway, hang in there your meds are doing the job, maybe this will allow you to work out what you want and then start going after it.If that feels unclear to you get some help for yourself in getting what you wantbest wishestheyer.

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"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ." Tony Benn

I send you my deepest sympathy. I have a friend in Puerto Rico going through something very similar to you. Living at home, suffering from depression, and very frustrated with family. No support from them at all.

I too suffer from depression, and my family is a major source of the stress in my life. Besides my father, who tries to understand, the rest of the family have basically disowned me, unless I can be useful to them in some way. Fortunately I am living on my own in my own space, and don't have to depend on them much. I just try to take care of myself, and protect my Dad as well. My sister is pretty vicious.

Distancing yourself from your family members who seem to be a source of stress for you could be helpful. You are living kind of in the middle of a lot of drama it sounds like. Naturally you are stressed. If there was a way you could get your own place away from it all and create your own boundary lines in terms of communication with your family would be ideal if you can afford it.

I can't give you any instant resolve on the issues you conveyed, but I offer you my support 100%. Hang in there!!!!!

Marc has requested that I lock this thread. He originally wanted me to delete it, but as most of you probably already know, we don't do that unless there are extenuating circumstances. I don't really want to lock it, but I told Marc I'd respect his decision and so that's what I'm doing.

If anyone has any further words of support or advice for Marc, perhaps you can PM him.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts