There's one of those Double-Decker buses full of people headed to some resort for spring break.

On the top section is all blonds, and on the bottom section is all brunettes. All the brunettes are partying and having a good time, while the blonds are sitting still and terrified.

One brunette comes upstairs and asks, "What's going on? Why aren't you guys partying? We should all be having a good time." then one of the blonds say, "That's easy for you to say, you guys have a driver!"

"If I had one wish, I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss" ~ Eminem

This is my signature. I made it small so anyone who tries to read it has to copy and paste the text somewhere else only to find that it isn't interesting at all. Congratulations. Also, fuckshitcockassbitchtitspenisfagskankwhorecuntpoop.

A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that," volunteered his friend "there's a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment." The man figured he had nothing to lose so he took a sample of urine down to the drug store. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited the $10. The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks

That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar.

He took this concoction down to the drug store, poured it in the machine, and deposited $10. The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:

Your tap water has lead. Get a filter. Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins. Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab. Your wife is pregnant. It's not your baby - get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve bears in this bar." The bear says, "But I'd like a beer." The bartender says "We don't serve bears beer in this bar." The bear says "DAMN IT, GIVE ME A BEER!" The bartender says "We don't serve big, boisterous, burly, belligerent bears beer in this bar." The bear turns to the woman next to him and mauls her and eats her whole. Then he says "Give me a beer or you're next!" The bartender says "We don't serve bears on drugs in this bar." The bear says confusedly, "But I'm not on drugs." The bartender says "Actually, that was a bar bitch you ate."

One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really!" said the irish priest. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

"That's an incredible story." said the irish priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."

"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."

"Today's your lucky day!" said the irish priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The irish priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the irish priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,

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