The Tall Tail & The Short Cook

LONDON - The shortest man in the world is He Pingping of China who stands 2'5". He was in Trafalgar Square to publicize the book "The Guinness World Records 2009" along with Svetlana Pankratova who stands 6'4". Her legs reportedly go from Dallas to Fort Worth and measure 52 inches long (that's 4'4"). When Pingping was asked what he thought about as he was standing directly underneath Svetlana's dress he smiled, started giggling, and said, "Wow! zippity, gosh, damn Hoover, I had to keep pinching myself and keep wondering if it was Christmas or if it was my birthday."

Pingping went on to say, "I have to tell everyone that I have fallen in love for the first time and if I play my little cards right, I hope that Svetty and I will be engaged by the beginning of next week. My goal is to make her Svetlana Pingping by Columbus Day. I think that she kinda likes me because she picked me up and put me behind her left ear. she also gave me half an M & M and a thimble filled with Diet Dr. Pepper. And when no one was looking she even reached down between my legs and for a few wonderful moments she touched 'The Beijing Bruiser.'"

Pingping added, "I'm a very simple man, and I could easily exist very happily just living on her left elbow, or on her right thigh, or perhaps just discreetly in her groin. I want so bad to have children, in fact only this morning I bought a half-price book entitled 'I Want So Bad To Have Children.' The book actually shows you in graphic details and explicit photos just how you actually do what you have to do to have a baby. And let me say that having met Svetty, I can hardly wait to put what I read in the book to use." A photographer for Victoria's Secret started to ask Pingping a very personal question, but before he was even half way through Pingping interrupted and said, "Pink...and they're size 6 with little red roses."

In a related story, He Pingping's grandfather Pang Pingping owns a sporting goods store in upper Shanghai named Pang Pingping's Ping Pong Palace whose motto is "We have more balls than the entire Republic of China and you can throw in Viet Nam, Cambodia, Thailand, Cincinnati, and Zimbabwe for good measure."