Drinking Wine Leads To Infertility So Fuck Us, Right?

Every month I go through the same cycle. I anxiously wait for the brown pills of my birth control pack and pray to any and all deities that I’m not pregnant. It’s not that I hate babies. I mean, yes. I do hate babies but that’s not the point. As much as I hate babies, I hate the thought of pushing one out of my body while I’m in my early twenties even more. So as those iron pills approach, I hope more than anything for yet another pair of underwear to be ruined by my uterine lining.

Anyway, it’s always been my fear that after years of stressing that I’m accidentally pregnant, I’ll find out that I’m infertile à la Charlotte from “Sex and the City.”

And according to a disturbing new study, this actually might be a reality for a lot of us. Recently, Aarhus University Hospital in Denmark looked at over 6,000 ladies trying to get pregnant and was discovered that drinking wine leads to pregnancy problems. And not just *during* pregnancy. I mean like, when you’re trying to get pregnant.

Those who drank the equivalent of seven large glasses of wine a week had an 18 percent lower chance of getting pregnant than those who stuck to lower levels of consumption.

So if we have one measly glass of wine a day, our chances of not having kids go up almost 20 percent? Que la eff? And while they mentioned that being stone cold sober won’t increase your chances of having kids, chugging back that bottle of wine every other day will totally decrease your odds. And even though you’re sitting here praying that you don’t get pregnant with that random you brought home last week, I have a feeling things will change when/if we manage to trick some guys into marrying us.

So I guess we have a choice: children or chardonnay? As for me, it’s an easy one. No diapers, no college tuition, and the only headaches are ones from hangovers? Yes, please. Pass the bottle opener because wine might just be the new birth control..

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Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.