Can I Haz Rankings? Oh Yesss!

Evidence that Google is Evil?

As one of the world’s top SOE consultants, I am privy to a lot more information about the internal workings of Google and other searching engines like Dogpile, but even I was shocked recently when I overheard a discussion between two well placed insiders that revealed a dark truth about what is really going on at Google.

My contact, who claims to be a level 9 Hygiene Consultant within the Human Matter Management division at the searching giant has provided me with a shocking dossier that proves without a shadow of a doubt the evil at the heart of Google…

Is the Googler Evil?

Exhibit A: Googly Logo

The Google Logo might look like a nice happy word, but look closer. When you magnify the Google logo to 1,000 times its normal resolution on the screen, it is clear that there are barely perceptible lines around certain letters that turn the logo into something much more sinister, as shown in the computationally enhanced image below:

Hidden numbers in the Google logo!

The numbers 666 are clearly visible within the deeper contextual pixelation of the word, hidden in plain sight for the dozens of people who visit the page each day.

Exhibit B: Mission Statement

Google’s stated aim as a business is to “not be evil”. Simply by removing the first word from this statement, we are left with the pseudo semantic substructure of hatred that actually underpins one of the world’s most famous companies:

Don't? Be Evil

Indeed, if you were to actually spend the time to do a Googly for the phrase “Be Evil”, Google itself is listed at position 7!

Exhibit C: Function

Many members of the illuminati, who are often very evil, believe that their role is to enlighten humanity with access to information. Sound familiar??????

Exhibit D: Content

Thanks to its extensive use of linguistic function analysis, and the use of high frequency deep level semantic eigenvector distribution throughout its collocated searching engine, the Googler provides near instant access to more than 1000 different pages of information including around 350 unique types of pornography making up around 50% of the total:

Content of Google's Internet

As every good school boy knows, self abuse is part of the temptation triangle, and that simply thinking about one’s parts of shame is sufficient to descend to damnation. The fact that the Googler provides access to Germanic volumes of mucky pictures is all the evidence you need to know that the Googler is evil.

googel she is not evel, she is teh conduit pour truth, see I haz made spredsheetz out of what summof callz that sunopensauce, ti aslo workz in Xcell. 1nce you haz Xcell you haz keywood research dialled- I kno Bcoz I haz vlookup an that on my pc, an can split teh difference. Oozing gwt+ga+AtLeast3oDaysOfData I can haz bugger a spreadsheet in2 keyword research 4 ninvetmentb4nk5, aaaiii, 7eet, no?