Real Talk season 2 is still underway, and it’s about time that we addressed you hoes. We slander dudes more than enough, it’s the females’ turn to get some of this Real Talk for a change. It’s time to speak on you ratchets. Like the gentlemen we are though, we decided to bring on a guest writer for this Real Talk, a female writer. We’re gonna just let her slander y’all, but rest assured we threw a few jabs of our own in there as well. Ling, the floor is yours.

“Girl, I need some new pics for IG”

Aren’t we all tired of logging onto Instagram and seeing those girls who post up nothing but pictures of themselves? Booty all up on the sink, duck lips, taking a shot, smoking a blunt, showing off their goodies, and always saying they’re “ugly”? Her hair did, nails did, her jewelry on point! When you see her out though, you’re like “Are you ___ on IG?” I guess the real pictures of her are the “Just woke up, good morning IG”. Or what about the ones that post pictures up of EVERYTHING to get likes? Their weed, bottles, “their boo” (although they’re usually side bitches), their food (usually that they haven’t cooked), etc. We understand that your confidence is low, and for most of you broads these likes on Instagram somehow equates to self-worth. Thanks guys for gassing these bitches up with every double tap of their “selfies”, and all that extra shit y’all be doing. Now y’all got these hoes out here big headed for no reason, and at the end of it all she still ain’t letting you backstroke in her box. Let me toss a little secret off the backboard for you motherfuckers, compliments are the fastest route to the friend zone. Sure, all women love a good compliment, but she doesn’t exactly want one from your ass..feel me? You’re better off just telling her how it really is. She might wind up laughing it off, and fucking with you off the strength that you kept it real. You’re not in a better position by filling her up with gas, you probably not gonna listen though. But this shit not about y’all, just thought I’d sit that valuable information in your laps while we were on the topic.

“Red bottoms, red bottoms for my bitches!”

We should all know the rapper Yo Gotti can afford to buy his bitches red bottom heels, but you hoes think just because the bottoms are red that it’s what these rappers are talking about. NO! Red sole shoes were originally the trademark for Christian Louboutin. Your shoes DO NOT COUNT, even if you paint them red. Unless of course they are the luxury brand.

“Girl, you the shit!”

Charlotte Russe, Wet Seal, Forever 21, Body Central, Dots, and H&M are all stores us girls can relate to. I mean we ain’t ballin’ out here right? Casual wear and maybe some laid back bar clothes. If you go to the club, flaunting and thinking you’re “THE SHIT” in these outfits, fall back. Then there’s the girls we all know that think they’re “thick”. Belly hanging out over their pants, busting out of their shirts, or always tryna wear something tight as hell to show off them “curves”. “You go girl!” Yeah, go home and go to sleep. Have you ever thought about hitting the gym? You also have these girls out here thinking they’re Barbies! For some reason, every female now-a-days thinks putting on some eye shadow and some red lipstick will make their outfit. NO, have several seats please. There’s a technique to putting on makeup, and it takes some skill. Also some sort of knowledge of “fashion” to actually kill it. But hey, it’s apart of a fad, so that’s why everyone’s doing it! What happened to at least looking somewhat natural? I mean, don’t take it all the way natural. If your armpit, leg hair, and fake eyelashes are longer than your real hair, STOP IT! Who just wants to see a girl with long ass armpit hair with deodorant clumps all in there? We’re already drunk at these clubs, and bars, don’t give us another reason to puke.

“Do you work here?”

Are you the bar tender? You’re here every time I come! Do you really have that much time, energy, and funds to go out every week? Are you really that anti-social in a social scene that you can’t invite friends over for a few drinks and music? You just have to go to the club and bust it open. “Don’t stop, pop that” “Girl! This my song!” What song isn’t your song? You use that welfare, SSI, or child support check to get that outfit and hair did. I don’t pay my taxes so you can rub up on me. I don’t pay my taxes for you to be at the club tryna fight me. Remember, you’re there because I work.

“A real bitch rolls your blunts.”

Can I know where the fuck did this shit came from? Oh yes, you’re a bad bitch. They know how to roll blunts. Do you know how to cook though? What are you gonna do when he smokes that blunt, and has the munchies? Warm up some microwavable food? Use your food stamp card for him to buy snacks? Or hit up the grocery store with your EBT, and get something to throw in the oven to say you cooked it? Processed food doesn’t count as real food. Mashed potatoes shouldn’t be made from powder and milk. Your sides such as greens, corn, yams, and mac & cheese shouldn’t come from a can! As a woman, I stress that you should learn how to cook, that’s the best way to a man’s heart. Blunt rolling skills ain’t getting you a wedding ring, get in the kitchen.

“They ain’t together anymore”

Oh stop! I hate this. You females hate on your friend’s relationship, try to break them up, but are the first ones to hop on the dude’s dick immediately after. What happened to loyalty? If they aren’t officially together, you’ll still find you way to nudge into their relationship. He isn’t your bro, he don’t even like you I promise. You’re the biggest threat to his happiness with his girl, so he only gonna fuck you afterwards for revenge purposes. And cause the pussy’s new, but that’s neither here nor there.

“Let’s link up”

If this is how a guy asks you on a date, it’s not a date. If you consider this a date, have a seat. If you don’t live by the quotes that you like on FaceBook & Instagram, or retweet on twitter, you need to get your life together. If you don’t even know what the term chivalry means, then you need to continue to read this. Bottles, blunts, riding around in the car, or meeting at the club is not a date. If you and him meet up at your house and he honks, calls, or texts you, and doesn’t knock on the door, are you sure you want to date him? He ain’t shit, but then again you probably ain’t either.

As to conclude everything I said, if you do any of these things, yes, you have some ratchet in you. If you do everything I’ve said, you are ratchet. Ain’t no way around it (in my best Future voice). If you are offended, just admit it. You ain’t shit. Other than that, looking at this any other way is a factor of growing up, maturing, and finding a great guy. It could be a fairy tale to you. These should be signs that you should look at, or things that you need to NOT do. It’s never to late to better yourself. Luckily the Mayans fucked up, you still got some time left to prosper out here. Take advantage of it.

Our Twitters are linked at the top if y’all wanna come chop it up with us. Everyday is Real Talk on our Twitter timelines, feel free to fall through & say what’s up or whatever. Share this post for all the ratchets in your life, pass this along in hopes for a better tomorrow. Ight, be easy y’all.