Having sex for the first time can be really weird. You don’t really know who wants what where or in what way, so it’s basically best to not be shy about it and pray you get to do it again.Having one night stands however is a lot like doing interviews. It’s like, even if you are maximum prepared for sex (just showered, condoms, lube) or super prepped on a paid-for chat with some next-big-thinger you are never going to be totally comfortable with it. Luckily for me, this is the third time I’ll be interviewing the The Touch, so the tension is pretty much gone and I’m in the sort of gay but still comfortable “friend zone.” The Touch make house, the kind that tears the club up, they’ve played with DJ Funk and gotten mixed by DJ Assault, and I don’t think anyone who likes good dance music would mind getting friendly with them.

What did you have to do to get DJ Assault in the mix for “Le Night Dominator?”Johan: He owed us money from a hard night out in Detroit, so we told him that this would make up for it.

Tell me something funny about him and DJ Funk.Johan: Well, Funk told me to suck his dick on one occasion, but when I asked him why he said “No, not you, you fool!” and pointed to a girl in our crew. Assault said straight from the start, “I don’t need any drugs tonight, as long as I get some pussy.”

Which is your favorite moviemonster? Johan: Hmm, I think “The monster in the closet”, although that’s the swedish title. - I saw it as a kid and though it was really scary. It was a hairy monster, so I always got it confused with Alf.Andreas: I would say the monster from “killer pussy”.Johan: Yeah, (In high pitch voice) “There’s something strange down there.” Haha!

When we crashed the after party of a Swedish radio award show together, you guys bought me an excellent shot, but I can’t remember much else. What was that?Johan: It’s like tequila except with vodka, lemon and sugar.Andreas: You could call it a “Russian Fun Light.”

So, which one of you is the cute one?Both: Olov.Andreas: Yeah, I still have problems standing next to him.Johan: He’s the most photogenic. Both his cheeks and his eyes move inward when a camera is close by.

I remember the chicks being all over him during the gig in Stockholm.Johan: Fuck, nobody wanted me.Andreas: Perhaps because you were drinking instead of playing?

After you achieve world domination and buy your first big mansion, who’s going to be staying in your guesthouse? Johan: Mariah Carey. I like the idea of just cruising by with someone and drop the line: “...and there’s Mariah Carey.”Andreas: I want a big mansion with nothing but a parrot in it. It can curse or recite poetry but there’s only going to be a parrot in there.

What would that parrot’s name be?Andreas: Mariah Carey.Johan: My parrot’s name would be Einstein, just like that famous parrot. He’s on Youtube. That pretty much all the questions I had...Johan: There are also parrots that can beat-box on Youtube. It’d be cool to have one of those.Andreas: Imagine if you had an R2-D2 parrot.

Yeah, a parrot could probably make those robot noises.Johan: Yeah, yeah. Einstein can make the sound of lasers, ”pthui pthui!” No wait, it’s a spaceship, and spaceship attacking with lasers.