In which I rail against unnecessary instructions

I was just — ahem — when I realized that, here at Chronicle Tower, the toilet-paper dispenser has instructions on it.

In three languages.

Now, I’m not saying instructions on how to replenish the rolls of paper. No, these instructions were deemed essential by some brilliant manufacturer: “Pull gently. Tear here.” Because somewhere there is a person of reading age who doesn’t know how to use toilet paper. Somewhere there is a person who learned how to read but not how to wipe.

I suppose someone could yank the paper hard and then not tear it off, but who would do that? I’ve seen dumb things, but I’ve never seen that. I’m also pretty sure that anyone who would do that would not bother to read the directions.

(There’s also a house-made sign in the bathroom with an amusing typo: “Flush only toilet.” I’m sure it’s supposed to say “Flush only toilet paper,” but I have long resisted the idea of adding to the sign: “Do not flush the sinks. Do not flush the lockers.”)

24 Responses

One of my favorite road signs is “Guardrail Damage Ahead.” In other words, for those of you who were planning to swerve into a guardrail in, say, the next 20 miles, pick another one; this one might not be safe right now.

I also object strongly to those “Piso Mojado” signs I see in Men’s Rooms here and there when I’m just trying to get through another day. Come on, people, I’m already piso’ing as hard as I can so leave me be, okay?

And then those new-car owners’ manuals that tell you all the things you’re supposed to check and how often to check them. Do you want me to drive my damn car or just crawl around underneath it all day long watching it age? Reading anything written by lawyers makes me a little paranoid.

I was with a legally blind person that was checking into a Marriott Hotel.
On the wall there was a sign that said if in case of an emergency, you had special needs and needed a ground floor room, please let them know.
He said if he could see and read the sign, he wouldn’t need a ground floor room.

I once bought a plastic pail tht had several safety instructions such as “Keep children from putting their head in the bucket & another about the possibility of drowning if you stuck your head into the bucket filled with water.
I love the comical signs I see all over Houston, usually by someone who is from the third world. There was a hand written cardboard sign taped on the counter at a Dairy Queen that was absolutely so funny that I sent my wife in to see the sign for herself. I cannot remember the wording but it let you know they did not accept checks or credit cards. Many Asians do not use plurals. A sign might say “Green Bean, $.99″ Or “No Play With Toy”, “No Return,”. Or a homemade sign hung on a register will say “CLOSE” rather than closed.

Matt, that’s possible. But if so, they have earned the grammatical wrath of Kyrie! As she herself taught us a while back, the two words are hyphenated if used adjectivally: “Flush-only toilet.” Shame on them!

I was over at Memorial City Hospital last Friday morning to get a tune-up for my ICD. I saw two glass doors as I exited the elevator on the 8th floor. They both said “Pull to Operate.” My wife asked, “Is that what they’re going to do to you?”