In this video I’m going to give you the best strategy to get an ex back.

To help you understand why the strategy works, I’m going to give you a little bit of an overview about how we work.

Human beings are very social. We form bonds and become attached to others.

We are biologically wired that way.

In relationships we can feel abandoned and we can feel smothered. It’s a struggle (I talk about it in depth in my video The Struggle of Intimacy)

So depending on our needs at the time and our partners behavior, we may feel like they are smothering us or are abandoning us.

When we come on too strong, by being needy, controlling or clingy, we make our partner feel trapped.

When we do that, their instinct is to push us away. In many cases they break up with us.

So let’s say we were trying to be controlling or we kept telling them how much we needed them and they felt trapped. So they break up with us.

Now, we feel disconnected from them.

When we feel disconnected from someone we are attached to, we feel anxiety. Separation anxiety.

It literally causes us pain.

So in an effort to pull them back close to us, we beg and cry and plead for them to give us another chance.

But, remember, they were already feeling trapped. That’s a big reason they broke up with you to begin with, and now you are trying to trap them even more.

So, if someone is going to break up with you, simply agree to the break up. Tell them I love you, I want to work it out. Give me a call if you change your mind.

Now here’s the strategy. Don’t ever contact them again for any reason.

Now there is tons of bad advice online for the best way to get an ex back. Trust me. It’s garbage.

I’m going to explain why.

If you were acting needy and clingy and it pushed your partner away. Any form of contact you do, is only going to push them more away.

What they need to feel is separation anxiety from YOU.

That will only happen if you do not contact them for ANY REASON. I cannot stress this enough!!!

Most of you will try to find some stupid excuse to contact them. They will see right through it and know they still have you. Thus killing their anxiety over losing you too. DO NOT CONTACT THEM FOR ANY REASON. THEY MUST FEEL SEPARATION ANXIETY.

Now this is what absolutely blows me away.

Anxiety leads to the beginning of desire.

I’m going to say that again because this is huge. Anxiety is the beginning of desire.

They are opposite sides of the coin.

Whatever triggers ones anxiety triggers desire

So what someone desires is what someone is anxious about.

Here’s a great example. I was just talking to one of my female friends about this. Her boyfriend lives out of the country.

He recently told her that he wasn’t sure about things between them.

She told me her interest level skyrocketed immediately. She was like oh my God I’m totally in love with him. She flew to see him within a few weeks

The second she became anxious about losing him, the second her interest level shot up.

Think about the picture I always describe to sum up attraction. He loves me, he loves me not.

That thinking is in the basis of anxiety.

I got an email here from Erik that discusses the success of the strategy from someone I did coaching with.

Hey Craig. I cannot believe it, but your advice worked. I had dated a girl for a year. I had no idea she needed space. I was clueless. She broke up with me and I was absolutely crushed.

Thankfully I did a coaching with you and you told me, do not contact her for any reason.

The funny thing is that I felt great after our coaching and was going to stick with no contact. But here’s the crazy part, my good friend was going through a break up too. Only he got dumped about 3 weeks before me. I told him what we talked about and he said I was going to lose her forever if I stuck with your ideas. I panicked and got anxious.

That anxiety will cause you to screw up! Watch my video Have Discipline or Fail. And sign up for a coaching when you need my help! That’s what I’m here for. Just go to AskCraig.net

He told me he had planned a grand gesture and it sounded great. I pictured it in my head and it seemed so romantic.

Grand gestures only work in the movies. I know, I tried it and it doesn’t work. My advice works.

So my friend actually went to her house to do the grand gesture and another guy answered the door. Ouch.

Meanwhile she had told him she didn’t want a relationship.

All that means is that she didn’t want a relationship with him.

I felt awful. I love my friend, but he gives terrible advice. I’m sticking with Craig.

Your anxiety causes your thinking to be cloudy. Guys let me tell you your anxiety will cause you not to think straight. CONTACT ME AND SET UP A COACHING IMMEDIATELY. THAT’S WHY I’M HERE!!!

I’m really busy. You need my help don’t hesitate.

So as hard as it was I didn’t call her.

Now I mean no contact. No calling, texting, social media. You must stop ALL forward movement.

Your attitude is that you are moving on with your life. If they don’t do something they are going to lose you forever.

The reason you are doing this is because THEY must feel separation anxiety.

Remember what I said Anxiety is the beginnings of desire.

Sure enough after 2 months, she sent me a text saying she missed me. She texted me in the evening around 830 so I waited until after work the next day.

Yes! You have been listening. Remember, when someone breaks up with you they are no longer a priority in your life. Waiting until the next day will cause her anxiety to increase. You should be out on dates with other women. They left you. You can’t let someone leave you and then take them back like that. There has to be a consequence for doing it or they’ll think they can do it again.

I did as you instructed and told her to come over with a bottle of wine. She came over and we cooked dinner. I kept reminding myself of what you say, that women are more attracted to men who’s feelings are unclear.

I didn’t tell her I missed her or anything. I just laughed with her and was playful. We hooked up that night. I’m going to do what you said and wait for her to call me or contact me again.

Yes, I know you say she has to come to me at least 2 more times to start earning me back, I’m going to make her do it.

Awesome email! I’m so pumped for you. Now, let her do 100 percent of the contacting for the next few months. THEN, you can cut back to her doing 80% of the contacting. But if a woman is chasing you, she won’t be getting rid of you.

I got a second email here from Charles. Who says Hey Craig, what do I do if after a girl breaks up with me wants to stay friends.

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. She said she still wants to be friends but she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now.

What that means is she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you right now.

She may not want to hurt your feelings. But the truth is, if her attraction level was high enough, she wouldn’t be dumping you, for any reason.

I hear stories all the time about women who break up with a guy and say they don’t want to be in a relationship “right now”

Which is true, because like I say all the time, women do things and say things based on how they feel in that moment.

Do you think I should try to spend time with her as friends to try and get her back?

Absolutely not! She might want to date other people and keep you as back up.

If someone breaks up with you, a lot of times the timing is because they have someone else in mind.

A good friend once told me, A man doesn’t throw away his only pair of shoes.

This is how some people cushion the pain of a break up. They line someone new up and they keep you in friend zone.

A break up is a LOT less painful when you have someone new lined up. Cause now they start to think about and fantasize about this new guy.

AND they keep you as back up in friend zone so they think they can take you back if they want.

They must feel the anxiety of losing you. That only happens if you cut off contact with them completely. Remember, anxiety triggers desire.

So, if a womanbreaks up with you and says they want to be friends.

Be sweet, kind and sincere when you say it. But let her know, you say I don’t want to be friends.

I’m moving on with my life. I don’t want to be friends. I still want you and desire you. Call me if you change your mind.

Then you must walk and never look back.

She may start dating someone else. She may even get serious with someone else. But most guys don’t know how to make a relationship work so he’ll screw it up.

That’s when she will start to think about you and wonder about you.

When she contacts you, assume she wants to see you and invite her over to come out and hang out.

Don’t go to her. Don’t take her on a fancy date. She must initiate 100 percent of the contact and come to you for at least 3 times.