The purpose of a lot of our Cardinal Crapmas items so far is to sit inside your house and suck. But today we’ve got one that stays outside the home. It’s the St. Louis Cardinals Country Stone.

I’m not one to watch Martha Stewart too often, but I believe you put this out in your garden or near the front door. It lures 13 year olds in the neighborhood to come steal something that costs way too much, and they end up tossing it down the sewer or throwing Barry Bonds six-hoppers down the street.

But before it was stolen, you declared your house ‘Cardinal Country’, via a rock that only you could see. So that was good. A much cheaper gift would be to put a Cardinal sticker onto an old potato, and it’ll work just as well.

My favorite part of this Cardinal Crapmas item is that it’s a multipurpose gift. When it’s May 15th and the Cards are trailing the Reds by seven games, you can un-declare the ‘Cardinal Country’ thing, sneak this into Busch by stuffing this down your pants and chucking it onto the field after another loss to the Astros.

You know the old proverb: Those who get screwed over by $48 tickets + $17 service fees cast the first stone.