Playboy Mansion

At last, I can cross that one off my bucket list: I’ve partied at the Playboy Mansion. OK, so it wasn’t THAT kind of party, but still.

Yes, we lowly TV critics were given access to Hugh Hefner’s famous (and infamous) estate Wednesday night. For a few hours at least. And, as one of my colleagues described it, the experience was both cool … and creepy.

We weren’t actually let into the Tudor-style house, mind you. But we had the run of the grounds, which featured expansive lawns, a meandering lagoon-like swimming pool (and grotto), tennis courts, a game room and … monkeys.

No kidding. Monkeys. Lots of them. In cages. Plus bunnies (real ones) and turtles and koi and exotic birds. Hugh Hefner has a virtual zoo on his property. And you thought he was only interested in gorgeous blondes with implants.

Of course, there were lots of gorgeous blondes with implants at the party. And gorgeous brunettes in skimpy clothes. One of them, Carrie Stevens — aka Miss Playmate, June 1997 — gave a few of us a tour of the property. She couldn’t tell us a lot of hard facts that you would get on a regular tour (When was the house built? Hoiw much acreage? Why the monkeys?). But she could tell us lots of the fun stuff, like where a major orgy in 1992 took place (in the grotto), which celebrities she’s seen (“Leonardo Di Caprio’s always here”) what those mattresses in the game room are for (You can take a “nap” there when you’re too drunk to drive home). Wink. Wink.

Carrie (we’ve grown close enough to be on a first-name basis) also had many kind words for Hef.

“The biggest misconception that people have is that he’s an old pervert,” she said.

Meanwhile, she had a few not-so-kind words for Crystal Harris, Hef’s former fiance, who after the recent breakup, spewed some unflattering things about the Playboy mogul.

“She’s a lying little (witch),” Carrie said with venom in her voice.

After she calmed down, Carrie led us — in her stilt-like stilettos — to the notorious grotto and let us have a look.