9. Read 25 articles containing the same few pieces of guidance. Collect bonus points if they include helpful suggestions like ‘alternate every alcoholic drink with water’ and ‘drink from smaller glasses’.

10. Go to the supermarket to purchase one of those tiny, single-serve bottles of wine. Notice the tiny bottles are on a 3 for 2 offer. Decide that it makes financial sense to purchase all three.

11. Get home, tip one of the small bottles into a glass and chug it back whilst standing at the kitchen counter.

12. Decide that the first glass doesn’t really count. Pour a second, try to drink it slower.

13. Discover (to your amazement) that once you start drinking, it is still really hard to stop. Who can be arsed drinking a glass of water in between each wine?

14. Rush through the kids bath time and bedtime stories so you can get back to drinking.

15. Search the house for more booze. Find some long forgotten about brandy that tastes horrible. Drink it anyway.

16. Fall asleep in front of the TV. Wake up and commence a panicked check of your phone for evidence of calls, texts and Facebook posts you can’t remember.

17.Finally drift back to sleep just before your alarm goes off.

18. Get ready for work. Layer on makeup and use some ‘bright eye’ drops in an attempt to look less dead.

19. Concerned colleagues ask if you’re ok – you’re a bit quiet today and you look tired. Brightly tell them you’re absolutely fine. Isn’t it a lovely day? Would anyone like a coffee? Your acting skills could win you an Oscar.

20. Spend the day sneakily consulting Dr Google about your hangover symptoms. Are you imagining it, or is your liver actually aching? Scare yourself by reading about all the health risks of drinking.

21. Start googling the health benefits of drinking in order to make yourself feel better. Sure, alcohol is linked to at least 7 types of cancer, but look at the antioxidants in red wine! Decide that you really, really care about antioxidants.

22. Check your bank balance. Wonder where on earth your money goes. Try to work out how much cash you’d save if you quit drinking.

23. The Amazon books arrive. Read a few pages of one memoir and decide you have nothing in common with the author. Hide the rest under your bed.

24. Fill out a ‘Am I drinking too much’ questionnaire online. Feel surprised by the result but decide that you must have exaggerated some of your answers. Take the test again.

25. Crowdsource opinions on your drinking. Friends are confused and horrified at the idea of you drinking less. You can’t have a problem, they reason. You drink exactly the same as us!

26. Ask your partner for advice, knowing that they’ve seen you at your worst. They know about the late night secret drinking on the sofa. “Why don’t you just… drink less?” they suggest, helpfully.

27. Feel annoyed that no one understands you. You’re certain that you’re not a ‘normal drinker’ but you’re not an alcoholic either.

28. Head out for drinks with the girls. They’re relieved you’ve forgotten all about that sobriety nonsense. Hurrah for cocktails! Drinking is so FUN.

29. Decide to give up on giving up. Life is too short for this. Resign yourself to a lifetime of hangovers.

30. Wake up face down on your bed, makeup on, half dressed. Look around for your personal belongings. How you got home last night is a mystery.

31. Decide to take the day off work because you feel too sick. You never take days off work. You’ve always made it in before.

32. Watch the movie 28 Days and When A Man Loves A Woman. Sob wildly. Make yourself a solemn promise that you won’t give up again. Realise you still have no idea how to do this stop drinking thing.

33. Return to Step 1. Rinse and repeat.

If you’re interested in an alternative approach to stopping drinking…

(One that actually works) get your name on the waiting list for my next course here. The next class starts in January.

Now what steps have I missed off this list? Please let me know in comments below! 👇

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Thank you Kate I love reading your blog. I identify in so many ways with everything you say. You make me laugh but at the same time you make me realise that almost everything I’ve done in my life that I regret has been directly related to alcohol. I recently had high blood pressure diagnosed and started medication. I dropped alcohol and was able to come off my medication after only 2 weeks. The doctor said think of your glass of wine as a piece of cake so I really like your donut analogy. Luckily I have a very supportive and understanding husband who is still with me despite me treating him so badly so many times when I’ve had too much. Keep up the great work. You are an inspiration.

This is SO me! Except switch out wine for craft beer. My Amazon books are arriving today, haha! I’m on Day 4 after ending Thanksgiving drinking alone on the couch long after my boyfriend went to bed, watching YouTube and sending a couple weird messages. I was not a daily drinker but almost always an overdrinker. So tired of the consequences. I’ve already been invited to trivia at the bar on Wednesday….I am determined to go, though, and not to cave! Looking forward to all an AF life offers.

I’m in a similar situation. I drink Miller lite. I’ve been drinking every night for about 3 years. In terrified to take a night off. I’ve been able to slim the number down to 4 beers a night but cannot seem to make the final step. I too have tried all the above. I’m envious of your strength!

Hi Lisa, my programme is CBT based, not disease based. It’s designed to inspire and encourage you – so there are no labels and no pressure to identify as an alcoholic or anything like that. There’s a video of me talking about the course here that you might find helpful (it was filmed a few months ago, for my last class – so registration is currently closed, but it will reopen in January). https://thesoberschool.lpages.co/look-inside-the-getting-unstuck-course/

I am laughing so hard, totally relating, have my fav repeats here, will cry MORE and AGAIN, later. Thanks Kate, you are helping me while I’m getting courage to help myself, yet again (see above). Month of December seems fruitless to begin cessation w/all the holiday festivities even though each year I hide from them more and more while NOT drinking less and less. First of year is a reasonable option while I am getting sicker and sicker of drinking, weight gain, Halloween mask that is still on after Halloween from 20 years ago and y’all know the rest of the drill, ryhmes with KILL.

Hi Kate. I’ve been lurking in the shadows following your blogs for about 18 months now and wanted to finally put finger to keyboard to thank you for all the advice you’ve shared during that time. I feel I have a lot in common with many of the ladies on your blog. I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic by any means but every so often would drink too much at a social event and feel really rubbish and embarrassed the next day. About 18 months I decided I needed to do something about it and started to really try to moderate my drinking. It will be no surprise to you that sometimes it worked but sometimes it didn’t. Eventually 6 weeks ago I decided it wasn’t worth the grief and decided I would stop drinking completely. I thought I would find it really difficult as I’d never even managed to complete a dry January so far ! However I am surprisingly enjoying being tee total and have only been tempted once, which I managed to resist! I don’t want to jinx myself but how I feel right now I can’t imagine going back to alcohol and am looking forward to my first alcohol free Christmas in years!! Apologies for the long post but just wanted to let you know how helpful you have been to me

Agreed, Julie. Kate, you have helped innumerable people in your “reach”. I could not afford to take a course, as I had $8000 of oral surgery to contend with, but have gained much inspiration and support from checking in to your site. I am so appreciative and feel fortunate to have crossed paths with you. I have recommended your program to several other women!

Hi Julie, I have been following The Sober School for some time as well, and managed to go four months alcohol free without any problem. However, once I start I don’t have a stop button and I spiral downhill into my “rabbit hole” yet again. I am so over feeling lethargic, unmotivated, and ashamed. I am over missing out on life so looking foward to the January course

Everytime I read one of these, I’m amazed how many things are just like me. I managed to quit for 3 months then started drinking again. Now I’m depressed and ten lbs heavier. The part about waking up and running to check Facebook to make sure to delete any stupid comment or post!! Thank you for this. It helps!

I can definitely relate to this list. I’m sick of how I feel after a nights drinking. I’ve never been one for drinking Every day but I’ve got a 20+ year habit of Friday night drinks and some weekends as well (albeit pregnancies and a couple of other occasions when I managed to stop before). I haven’t had any alcohol since 26th of October so I’ve made it through the first calendar month without any since I was saving for my house deposit 3 years ago. Friday afternoon is still my biggest hurdle, I think about having something then but then I feel so relieved on the Saturday when I haven’t. I’ve been swapping wine for reduced sugar fruit Spitzer to give myself something cool bubbly and non alcoholic to have instead. Hope I can keep going from here.

I’ve done so many of those things…..over and over again. Additionally, I was an everyday drinker and had the wine belly to prove it. I got tired of waking up every day about 3:00am, feeling horrible and mulling over what alcohol was doing to my body. I’d tap on my belly where my liver is to see if I felt any pain. I’d tried to go sober a few times in the previous decade, but always kept it to myself so that when I inevitably started drinking again, nobody would say anything.

This time (on 9/29/18) I decided to quit and told my husband, my friends and my son. I’m 60 days sober tomorrow and feel so much better. I know I can’t drink moderately so my only option is to not drink at all.

SO many of these ring true for me! I’m not working due to a car accident and only have time on my hands to drink. I drink all day and night. It’s out of control. After Thanksgiving I vowed to at the very least to take a break. I’m on 4 days AF. Fist couple days were difficult but today my brain is clearing and feeling stronger, mostly from all these honest posts. Thank you to everyone for letting me know I’m not alone! I have alot to learn but finally at a point that I’m keeping an open mind to living sober full time

It is a bit shocking how we all seem to follow the same path in our drinking. I have done almost all of these things. I took Kate’s course and my life has been changed. I was ready to listen and commit to an alcohol free life. If you are at that spot I definitely recommend her course. It will guide you and set you on course to your new life. Yes it seems expensive but you are worth it. And if you calculate the daily cost it is not much when you consider your health and mental state will greatly improve. You should do it. Cate. Your new life is waiting for you to commit!❤️

How about this one; I’ll eat once today, so I won’t gain weight from the wine tonight, only to consume grilled cheese and chips, etc.. just before going to bed. I’m so glad to be AF nearly 7 months and finding a healthy relationship with food.

Hi all i found this page today.. i can feel a light at the end of this awful tunnel i am in… i never used to drink wine at all when i had my first child but as the years go on and after all of my other children the job i do. I do each one of those steps 33 bloody steps! I vow every night not to get wine but every night the urge calls!! I say to myself not to night but here i am 1st glass in hand.. i didn’t realise how much i do drink i did think everyone does it but i guess not. This is my first step to giving up for good. It all or nothing i used to run go to the gym everyday and now my hobby is wine! My life needs to change.

I want to stop drinking so i can include my kids in my life more. I never take them to friends shin digs bc i don’t want them to see a whole bunch of adults drinking and smoking, well me drinking too. I want to take them with me, be proud of them and myself and be able to drive home when the party is becoming too rowdy. Then wake up feeling good!

I am the same.. my oldest says mam you not getting wine tonight! I feel awful at times if i go out with family my husband is the one to drive home.. when its my turn to drive i feel envy on him. Its a total selfish act but in my head i think will why do we get a taxi. I alway have the guilt with my children and hungover we go to the cinema.. which in all honesty it my chance to eat cheese and nachos… i feel awful saying that but its the truth.

Hi Kate,I am 2 years sober,but to be honest,felt the first year with no alcohol that I was missing out,until I read one of your posts that made me realise I was missing nothing only severe health problems.I choose not to be around alcohol even after all this time but that works for me.I did all these things,but one other thing not on list.I became an expert on how many units I had consumed and how long it would be until it was safe to drive next day,but it doesn’t work like that.You are a true inspiration and keep it up.All I can say is that my life is too good now to go back to drinking and I know I can’t ever go back to that way of life.Thank you so much for what you do and I will continue to follow and gain more skills from you xx

I just finished listening to ‘need a pep talk?’ which is wonderful. Thank you very much Kate. It was just what I needed. Excuse me, it is just what I need all the time, at least at this juncture. Am drinking tea right now and looking forward to a better night’s sleep on my way to a better life than I have have previously allowed myself. Blessings to all.

I am lying awake (it’s 5:21 am and I’ve been awake for an hour or so) reading this, wondering how I will feel in a few hours (bottle of wine last night and some dodgy left over booze I hunted for, then ate too many bags of crisps!) I got married this year, my life is wonderful and I love everyday with my wife, in our home, baking and for the first time questioning why I drink a bottle most nights of the week! I wake up and think about it and then forget until 5pm hits! I am toying with the idea of going sober…I hate missing out on quality time with my wife (who doesn’t drink), I hate feeling sick and I want to do something. I guess I’m kinda afraid…I’ve always drunk, people know that I like a drink, what will it change with some people?!? I know the answers to all of these but I’ve still not taken that first step. It took 6 months of me thinking about it before I quit smoking! Thank you Kate for starting this school. I really think I’m going to be able to do it…once I take that first step!

Hi Amie, keep reflecting on how you’re feeling when you’re drinking — and how you feel afterwards. Is it all worth it? I think there will come a point – very soon – when it’s clear that this isn’t the lifestyle you want 🙂

Hi Amie I’m in exactly the same position, recently married, love my husband, our children, my job but have got into the habit of drinking every evening. More and more I think about how this is a coping mechanism rather than for enjoyment. I worry about being me without a drink… you’re not alone and thank you for making me realise neither am I x

Hi Donna. So glad I’m not alone in this! I junk the fact that we are reflecting and questioning what we’re doing it a really positive first step! Hope you find your way and fingers crossed I do to! Xxx

Reading this made me smile…1-because I totally recognized my old behavior patterns with drinking and 2-because I am not doing it anymore! Today is Day 29 of my alcohol free journey and it feels amazing. I figured out what freedom really means: being in charge of my own life and my own decisions. To all of you out there on the journey of sobriety: you can totally do it! Just be sober one day at the time. Thanks Kate for your weekly dose of motivation and inspiration!

I love these blogs, I’m still on the mailing list even though I did Kate’s course in October 2016. Anyone out there lurking or wondering or even not quite believing that it can be done….. it really, truly can.

I was a wretched drinker for years, wine sodden & weepy & holding it together on a thoroughly miserable hamster wheel as per the blog list. It took me another 10 months after the course before I finally managed to get a proper dry run under my belt… I’m now coming up to 18 months without alcohol. Never once was I chided or patronised or labelled, just given heaps of encouragement & kindness from the people & Kate on the course.

The course (&people on it) are such a cool cloth on a tortured brow. There’s no labels, no programme & no drama. Just heaps of information & conversation with people in the same boat. I LOVE my new dry life & that’s the bit that took me the longest to get my head around, I just didn’t think I would love it so much. And I do.

8 months in soberville and this still resonates really loudly. I remember two specific train journeys I felt like crying and wondering how much damage I’d done to my liver with a bottle and a half of red the night before.

Hello Kate I am sooo thankful to happen to find you website on Sunday when I was severely hung over and wondering why doesn’t anyone understand… I’m not some rock bottom alcoholic but I go sober for a few days and than bam,drink again in excess and disappointing my partner when he finds out I’ve been lying to him yet again… I feel that for the first time ever I can do this with the right support and others who are also struggling like I am… looking forward to your January course and loved your 33 reasons lolI relate to each and everyone of these, and relate to all the people who have posted so I know I’m not alone in this … Thank you for what you are doing !!!!!

shit this is hard I know what I am, I’m just a 51 year old with a fantastic husband 2 fab children no scary stories in the closet but I drink way too much a bottle every night more at weekends have done most of the above and I’m frightened of where I’m going to end up I’m also frightened of saying good bye to my friend because I think I’m going to miss her ( my glass) don’t get me wrong I did 6 weeks AF this year and yes it was a revelation and I definitely felt better but I returned to my old habits I’ve signed up for Kate’s course this cycle has to stop. Btw i’ve been following Kate for the last year but this is the first time I’ve had the courage to put pen to paper there’s more like me out there

Haha Kate, as usual you nailed it with your amazing insight. Now feeling oh just a tiny bit smug that I can laugh out loud at all of those and not cringe with guilt…..I signed up to your January course and then started a few days early so I am so very proud to have been alcohol free for the whole of 2018 and have no intention of changing that status. Thanks Kate for helping me realise how wonderful that parallel universe without alcohol is. Xxx

I have been AF since September as I was advised by my mental health professional that alcohol and medication don’t work together and alcohol is a depressant. With good mental health as my goal, I have not struggled to go AF and feel energised and positive. The downside has been the reactions of those around me who seem to doubt my reasons and think I am doing it because I think I drink too much. I find this difficult to deal with!! I know I shouldn’t.

oh Jac, I get it ;-D I feel for you and am proud of you for canceling your membership. One of my favorite things I have learned in these sober sites is ‘what is alcohol doing FOR you or is it taking FROM you?’ DOH, in my case, definitley the later, 49 yrs worth. Hey, I’m two nights wine free … does this count for anything? Thanks for the inspiration, Kate and Everyone.

37 days in Kate and loving it! This blog is, so so true, it made me giggle, made me smile, and made me realise I’ve said and done almost all of these in my time! Your blogs and the comments by others have kept me going. I’ve honestly realised, finally, that alcohol really add nothing to your life, only takes away. Thank you :0))

Kate, Nov. 25th was 1 year and holding, because of you and your questions! I was like you said repeat, repeat. November 26th I had an appendectomy after a miserable sick night and the hilarity was they all thought I was on drugs!. I said the president was Nixon after they gave me Promethazine for the nausea iv. I thought I was in another state. Now, I am super sensitive to the stuff. So now I have to warn the health providers I am an absolute lightweight! I told the Doc the next day all the correct answers and he still thought I was taking drugs. I said Doc, I swear I just passed one year without alcohol even! It is comical but I would not have it any other way. So much better sober, so much! The class was worth all the hard work and every penny! Take Care

Thanks to this site I have managed to have my first alcohol free weekend in 8 years. I feel so happy with myself for managing it but I also feel (unexpectadly) exhausted!!! I had a lovely day shopping with my daughter on Saturday and felt like I had about 50% more time! Thank you…. feeling optimistic xx

I can so relate to all of these. I’m on day 2 today and also drinking a night detox tea. My worst times is getting home after a long day, just want to unwind, but i’m not a normal drinker, it always gets out of hand.Want to start 2019 with a head start, i need to get my life on track and stop obsessing over this problem.

Hi Andrea, We have all been there. Please don’t give up. I gave up for 1 year then again for 2 years then 4 months. Everytime I fell off the wagon I drank more and more. This time has too be the last. It’s been 2 months today since I had a drink. It’s not easy believe me but my health has suffered my family have had enough, it had to happen. I am trying to re train my thinking if I don’t I will loose everything. Is drinking worth that?? Stay strong my friend support is always here.

I am upset with myself today . After 20 days AF I stupidly thought I could have a little wine while writing out Christmas cards . Boy was I wrong. I still can’t stop once I start ,so again I have learned that lesson! Today I start over again like I have so many times . I know I should not be mad at myself but I sure am sad today

Hi Katie Don’t see this as a failure,but treat it as a learning exercise.I was 5 years sober and relapsed.I too thought I could have just a little drink.I learnt a valuable lesson ,but it took me several months and a stay in hospital before I stopped.I am now 2 1/2 years sober and now know that if I drink it quickly takes control and the only way to be in control is to not drink.Relapse or slip,whatever you choose to call it ,can be valuable as a learning method.Please don’t beat yourself up,it happens.The important thing is you realise what went wrong and you are ready to try again.You should give yourself credit for that,at least you haven’t given up xx.Caroline

This is hilarious and not because it’s funny for someone but because this IS ME to a T. All of it…I’m laughing because it is like you read my mind or have been watching me. It gives me so much comfort to know that I really am not alone. I have been doing the New Year Masterclass right now because I’m ready for this break. And though it scares me greatly, I am going for 100 Days. I am so thankful I found you, Kate, and The Sober School.

Like many of you, I laughed and cried at this list as I’ve done ALL of them for so many years now. I’ve reached the point where I’ve had the loudest wake up call of my drinking life…I will lose the man I love if I continue to be a horrible, sad, abusive, out of control drunk. I have lost many, many relationships (friends, family, lovers) over the years through my drinking, or more to the point, who I become when I’ve been drinking, but I’ve always justified it and moved on. But this time it will break me for good if I lost this person, so I have to stop..FOR EVER. It’s a strange kind of comfort to know I am not alone, as I always feel so alone and empty after drinking myself to oblivion. I’m glad I found this site, and I will visit daily for inspiration, support, insight, and some kind of connection. And you are AMAZING for dedicating your time to helping other women get sober and my mantra right now is… If She can do it, I CAN do it. Happy New Year… Happy New Me xx

It’s a bittersweet comfort. Knowing when “it’s time”! You have to start somewhere. I quit smoking around 25 years ago and had very similar apprehensions. But what was at stake was worth far more than my filthy and costly habit. We can do this!