Monday, June 24, 2013

TAOM: WARGS - The Bloody History of Gamers

"Okay... this is it," Louise's expression was deadly serious , as she leaned over the table, and into the faces of her three companions. The room was quiet with anticipation, and even the clocks seemed to have fallen silent.

"The ultimate showdown," Tash declared in a dark voice. Alice was bouncing so fast in her seat that she appeared to be vibrating on the spot, and Dave just looked amused by their antics.

Louise slammed a deck of cards into the middle of the table. "One round of Bloody Legacy! Sudden death!"

Over their shoulders, a small group of Society members watched in amusement. Several were skiving off from their assigned duties, but most of them just wanted to see the kind of games that the WARGs played on a regular basis.

"...they take this waaaay too seriously," concluded Jared. He smelt faintly of hot motor oil, having been called up from his lab by a curious Chloe to watch the spectacle.

"They're WARGs," Michael shrugged. "What do you expect?"

"So, what does the winner get?" Rhia asked curiously. The four opponents, seated at the four sides of the small square card table, went back to their glaring faceoff.

"Dignity," Alice giggled.

"Pride!" the deck was shuffled fast in Louise's hands as she spoke.

"Respect!" Tash thrust a finger straight up into the air, trying to appear dramatic.

"...okay, whatever you say," Rhia rolled her eyes. Dave sighed.

"And a free meal at the Royal Oak, when we head there in an hour," he explained. "Well...when I say free, I mean the losers are paying for the winner's lunch."

"No more talking!" Tash ordered. "Deal them Louise!"

The command was followed, Louise's hand moving so fast that it appeared as nothing more than a flesh coloured blur. Three cards were deposited before each player, and Louise returned the remainder of the deck to the centre of the table. Lightning fast, Alice slammed her hand down on it.

"Heeheehee!" Alice chuckled, and Dave shrunk back in his seat, as the disturbing grin was turned onto him.

"Dave, Oddly Placed Lamppost!"

As she spoke, Alice plucked a card from her hand, and deposited it in front of Dave. The card image depicted a badly drawn cartoon man, slamming face first into a lamppost, stars exploding around his head. Alice immediately drew from the deck to replace it.

Alice pulled a face and discarded another card. "Damn you all!" she whined. "You're killing me with Banana cards!"

"Serves you right for hitting me with the lamppost!" Dave declared.

"Louise," Tash interrupted before Alice could inflict some kind of retribution. "Cupboard Full of Cats."

"Its All Done With Mirrors," Louise placed a yellow card on top of Tash's, which depicted a man, holding a mirror in front of him like a shield, obviously intending to reflect the attack. She then slid the cards over to Dave.

"...isn't this a tad barbaric?" Cristoph inquired. "The whole point of this game is to kill your friends...and using highly unorthodox methods too..."

"Its Just a Hologram," Dave placed another card on top of the two, before moving them to the discard pile, and drawing up again.

"A hologram of a Cupboard Full of Cats?" Jared tilted his head to one side, clearly entertaining some very amusing images.

"Can I eat it?" Tyler asked hopefully.

"Not if its a hologram you can't," Michael reminded him.

"Tashy," Alice placed a card before the leader. "Oops, That Blunderbuss Was Loaded."

The leader twitched. She had no trick cards in her hand, so she took it reluctantly.

"This game looks fun!" Jared grinned. To his left, Michael was smirking.

"I'm sure we've got a blunderbuss somewhere in the armoury..."

"Dave," Louise turned to her friend. "Over Aggressive Goose."

"Honk, honk," Dave quipped, accepting the card, and placing it next to the Lamppost.

Tash checked her hand, and the excitement slid off her face like custard from a spoon.

"Bollocks!" she cried, and Dave let out a cheer. The watching agents, realising that the beyond strange game had come to an end, began applauding.

"That was fun," Louise admitted, as Alice got up from her seat, bent over, and squeezed Dave tight around the ribs.

"Well done, Dumpling!" she began to vibrate on the spot again. "You are made of win, with a side of awesome." Dave took his reward, though from the odd gasping sounds coming from his mouth, it sounded more like a punishment.

"Thanks... Alice..." he finally managed to choke out, before she released him. "But you're still buying me lunch!"

"Cock..." Alice cursed, before taking his arm and attempting to nom it.

"Alice, don't break him," Tash warned, as Louise packed up the deck. "We need him for the Nationals next year."

"Heeey!" Louise paused suddenly in shuffling the deck through her hands. "There's a card missing!"

There was a confused silence, broken by the sounds of wet chewing. Slowly, everyone's eyes turned to Tyler, who had a piece of soggy card hanging from the corner of his mouth.