Backwoods Bedroomhttp://backwoodsbedroom.com
It's never too late to learn to love yourself.Thu, 21 Feb 2019 01:20:09 +0000en-UShourly1https://feedburner.google.com/fb/images/pub/fb_pwrd.gif112570248http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/BackwoodsBedroomhttps://feedburner.google.comSubscribe with My Yahoo!Subscribe with FeedlySubscribe with SubToMeSubscribe with BloglinesSubscribe with NetvibesSubscribe with Bitty BrowserSubscribe with Daily RotationReview: Uberrime Aqua-Kinghttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BackwoodsBedroom/~3/VUwIqsNHtAg/
http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/02/review-uberrime-aqua-king/#respondMon, 18 Feb 2019 17:12:21 +0000http://backwoodsbedroom.com/?p=12180“Oh. My. God. This thing is huh-uuuge!” I believe this to be my exact, word-for-word utterance after hoisting the hefty Uberrime Aqua-King, out of its satiny drawstring bag for the very first time. Then I sat, stunned into slack-jawed silence for a few seconds, just soaking it all in.

Generally, I don’t feel the need to warn you about a toy’s size, but this toy is no joke, y’all. From the standpoint of an unwavering,

]]>“Oh. My. God. This thing is huh-uuuge!” I believe this to be my exact, word-for-word utterance after hoisting the hefty Uberrime Aqua-King, out of its satiny drawstring bag for the very first time. Then I sat, stunned into slack-jawed silence for a few seconds, just soaking it all in.

Generally, I don’t feel the need to warn you about a toy’s size, but this toy is no joke, y’all. From the standpoint of an unwavering, dyed in the wool “size fiend” the Aqua-King’s enormous size is all well and good, and fine and dandy by me. It’s only for your sake that I feel it’s so necessary to point out this dildo’s enormous proportions. Just so you’ll know exactly what you’re getting yourself in for should you choose to try this one out for yourself.

As much as I fancy big toys, I find that even I must warm up and work my way up to manage the Aqua-King’s girth and its triple row of deep ridges. Otherwise, it would be painful to even attempt insertion. Not that I’m complaining or anything. Nope, not at all. I love a challenge.

Measuring in at 7.5 inches long, with a width of 2.06-inches, (around the coronal ridge,) and weighing in at nearly a full pound, theUberrime Aqua-King, is a massive dildo in all manners of speaking. Lucky, for us all, it’s molded from an ultra-squishy (shore 5a ) platinum silicone, which makes this toy’s girth and its trio of sharply jutting ribs (or more accurately, its dorsal fins) much more comfortable to accommodate.

Forgive me, my fellow nerds, but neither the Marvel or DC Comics universes are within my sphere of knowledge. Like a lot of people, I assume, I’ve watched most of the blockbuster movie franchises like Batman, Superman, Spiderman, and The X Men. But, something tells me that doesn’t qualify me as an authority in any real sense of the word.

Yes, sad, but also very true.

Only after viewing a preview of Warner Bros. newest superhero movie, featuring Jason Momoa, in the title role of Aquaman, did I suddenly, acquire a newfound interest in everything Aquaman related. Don’t judge. At least I’m keeping it one-hundred.

Let me tell you something about the Aqua-King; this toy is a true beauty to behold with its swirling, iridescent-teal and metallic-gold and its layers of upon layers of individually hand-sculpted scales. Speaking of those scales, that must have been one hell of an undertaking. I can not begin to imagine the patience it took to produce this degree of detail.

What I personally consider to be the Aqua-King’s crowning feature is its row of three highly pronounced crests that dot the first third of the way down its shaft. I’ve come to think of these as dorsal fins. If you’ll notice, these ridges start and end rather abruptly, with the first one, the most prominent of the three, forming the dildo’s coronal ridge. They then repeat twice more, growing a smidgen smaller with each repetition.

It’s this trio of deeply etched ridges and the ultra-exaggerated glans head that makes this toy a winner in my book.

Once I’m adequately warmed-up and confident that I’m primed and ready for the Aqua-King’s girth, I always make sure to slick it down with a liberal dollop of water-based lube. This step ensures a reduced amount of friction and aids the dildo in moving smoothly back and forth while I’m thrusting. I live for the pressure of those saw-toothed ridges grazing past my G-spot and the extra length and large flat base provides me ample purchase for my thrusts. (This base also makes the dildo harness compatible and safe for anal penetration.)

When I’m in the mood for a more subdued effect, I can simply turn the toy over and have the ridges facing down. It’s as simple as that.

I’ll admit it. I’m a total slut for that over-stuffed, filled to the brim sensation the Aqua-King, gives me. I don’t know the science behind why or how, for reasons still unknown to me, bigger toys seem to cause my orgasms to become intensified. Maybe I’ve just hit upon why I find larger toys so addictive? Now that I think about it, yeah, probably.

The Uberrime Aqua-King is an excellent choice for the folks out there who know their limitations. I’d recommend it to anyone who appreciates larger-sized toys, with extreme textures. It’s definitely best suited for those who have experience with penetration, and most assuredly is not befitted for those who’re just beginning to dip their toe into insertion.

]]>http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/02/review-uberrime-aqua-king/feed/012180http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/02/review-uberrime-aqua-king/I Got Tested (Twice) Last Monthhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BackwoodsBedroom/~3/-aZtECHYbdo/
http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/02/i-got-tested-twice-last-month-my-sti-testing-experience/#respondTue, 05 Feb 2019 17:41:57 +0000http://backwoodsbedroom.com/?p=12028Last month I set up some STI testing with STDcheck.com after they reached out and offered me an opportunity to give their service a try free of charge. I thought this would be the perfect occasion to compare this innovative method of STI testing to a more conventional approach, i.e., getting tested at my local Health Department.

In this blog post, you’ll find accounts of both my appointments. One was set up through STDcheck.com and the other at my county Health Department.

]]>Last month I set up some STI testing with STDcheck.com after they reached out and offered me an opportunity to give their service a try free of charge. I thought this would be the perfect occasion to compare this innovative method of STI testing to a more conventional approach, i.e., getting tested at my local Health Department.

In this blog post, you’ll find accounts of both my appointments. One was set up through STDcheck.com and the other at my county Health Department. I think you’ll quickly notice one went much more smoothly than the other.

I nervously push open the glass door and walk into an empty waiting area, and head straight for the check-in window at the front of the room. After handing the woman at the window my freshly printed lab orders from STD.check.com, she instructs me to check-in using the self-service kiosk on my left. I turn around and quickly find a touchscreen kiosk is conveniently stationed right next to the check-in window. I type in all the necessary information, then head off to look for a seat to sit and wait.

But, before my butt even touches the chair to sit down, the door to the back swings open and the lab tech steps out and politely motions for me to come on back. “Wow, that was fast” I blurt out nervously. As I follow her down the short corridor, feeling comforted that this process isn’t going to take very long, after all.

“The second room, right there, on your left,” the lab tech says smiling, as she points to a door to the left of me. I spot it and shyly dunk in, feeling a bit queasy at the prospect of what I know is coming next.

“I’ve never been too keen on having my blood drawn,” I admit, only half-jokingly, trying to lighten the mood a bit. More for my myself than anybody else.

“I’m afraid no one ever does,” she answers with a chuckle and hands me a clear, plastic cup with an orange, screw-on lid.

After handing me the plastic cup, she further instructs, “I’m going to need a small urine sample. The restroom is at the far end of the hall, second door on the right. After you’ve finished, bring the cup back up here and place it on that counter, over there. Then we’ll get your blood drawn, and you’ll be on your way. Sound good?”

I nod my head yes, and head for the bathroom and proceed to try and complete the eternally delicate task of peeing in a cup without spraying urine all over my shaking hands or spilling it on my underwear as I pull the cup up from between my legs. I somehow manage to do it. With my mission accomplished I return with the container and carefully place it on the counter as she had directed me to do.

“Have a seat right over there, please, and I’ll be with right with you,” the tech says, pointing toward a familiar looking chair. It’s the kind with a bar that swings across the front, to restrain you from falling and cracking your skull on the hard concrete floor. Should you be so unfortunate as to faint during the process of having your blood drawn. I sit down in the chair and silently wait as she types some notes into a laptop.

Next, she verifies my identity by asking me a few simple and straight forward questions. Then, with an audible snap for each hand, she pulls on a pair of latex gloves and takes a moment to gather her instruments. Prepping to draw my blood, I watch as she grabs a few glass vials, a butterfly needle, some thin plastic tubing, a larger rubber tube to use as a tourniquet, an alcohol swab, and finally some gauze and a bandaid.

A few minutes later I’m happily walking out the door on my way back home.

Allow me to pause here for just a second, before continuing with my alternate account. You’ll notice the whole procedure was surprisingly routine and uncomplicated. There were no prying questions about my sex life and absolutely no mention of a pelvic examination. And all I had to do was pre-arrange my testing on the STDcheck.com website, choose the location of the lab I wanted to use, show up, pee in a cup, and have my blood drawn.

And best of all, my results were back in just a couple of days.

Only two days later I received an email alerting me that my results were ready for me to log in to view on the STDcheck.com’s HIPAA compliant site. Had I tested positive for anything, I would have had the option to set up a call with a qualified doctor, and STDcheck.com would also anonymously notify any of my past partners of potential exposure if I preferred for them to do so.

Compare this non-evasive, totally anonymous, quick and relatively painless experience to when, a week later, I call up my local Health Department and make an appointment with the county nurse. Whom I am shocked to discover, when I arrive at my appointment, is a girl I knew back in High School. She and I graduated the same year.

Trust me, it is hard for me not to turn right around and walk out the door, but I want to compare this experience to the one I’d had with STDcheck.com. So I bravely step up to the check-in window and say, “Hello, I’m Laurieann, I have an appointment for some STI testing.”

The nurse promptly takes me to the back and directs me to a room where we sit down at an old, wooden desk across from one another. Sitting there, I can’t help but notice how rundown the place looks. There are holes in the ancient-looking linoleum floor and crusty old, water stains on the ceilings. And gauging from the sound coming from the people upstairs the walls and ceilings are wafer thin.

The nurse repeatedly apologizes as she makes her way through a list of some very intimate and personal questions about my sex life – “How many people have you had sex with, in the last six months? How many times have you had sex in the last two weeks? Was there oral, anal, or vaginal penetration involved? Have you ever had an STD? How many partners have you had in the span of your sexual history? When did you first have sexual intercourse? How many times have you been pregnant? Have you had an abortion? How many? Have you had a piercing or tattoo in the last six weeks?”

All of these are examples of actual questions. It is a lot, and truthfully, given the circumstances, I am reluctant to answer some of them honestly for fear of judgment. Plus, how can I trust my privacy will be maintained? Again, I couldn’t help but notice how thin the walls and ceilings are. I’m almost positive I could hear what the people upstairs are discussing only if I’d strain hard enough to listen.

We finish up the “sexual history” questionnaire, and the nurse asks me to follow her to another room. Where again, I’m presented with a plastic cup. The only thing different about this one is it has a white twist on cap. I say, “I know the drill,” and unprompted head straight for the bathroom.

When I return, the nurse has already gathered everything she’ll need to draw my blood. She then proceeds to do so. Afterward, as I’m pulling my sleeve down over my freshly bandaged arm, and pulling my coat on to leave, I casually ask, “When will I get the results?”

I’m shocked when she explains that I won’t be able to get my results over the phone. Then proceeds to tell me that when the test results come back, she’ll call me to make an appointment to come back in to receive them in person.

Ugh! I’m not happy to hear I’ll have to come back to the Health Department. I keep thinking, “At least, there isn’t going to be a physical exam. At least there’s that.” Finally, before leaving, she offers me some condoms, which I happily oblige, taking a handful on my way out the door.

Fast forward to two weeks later, when I receive a phone call from the nurse and make a follow-up to get my results. I go in and get them, and that was that. It is finally finished. I’d endured the long, drawn-out, two-week-long process, and the highly invasive line of questioning used by the County Health Department.

So here’s my final verdict. I’d rather pay a premium to use STDcheck.com for the anonymity, and the lack of invasive questioning, alone. Not to mention, how quick and painless the procedure was from start to finish. Plus, only having to wait two days versus two weeks for my results, and add to that the convenience of getting those results online.

Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely appreciate the County Health Department and the service it offers the community, by providing free STI testing to the uninsured and the public in general, but I would only use it again as a last resort. When comparing both my STI testing experiences the online method provided by STDCheck.com was hands down much less intrusive and way more efficient and streamlined.

if you’re due for your STI testing, check out STDcheck.com for yourself.

]]>http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/02/i-got-tested-twice-last-month-my-sti-testing-experience/feed/012028http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/02/i-got-tested-twice-last-month-my-sti-testing-experience/Review: SXOhh – 60SX Bullet Vibratorhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BackwoodsBedroom/~3/VTK1PO6rhVc/
http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/01/review-sxohh-60sx-bullet-vibrator/#respondWed, 30 Jan 2019 18:41:26 +0000http://backwoodsbedroom.com/?p=11997Not going to lie, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I’m none too fond of the direction SXOhh has opted to take in the marketing of their new vibrator, the 60SX. But, I suppose nothing is standing in the way of me enjoying a toy and also being disappointed by the branding choices of said toy.

Consider yourself, forwarned. The fact of the matter is the language SXOhh chose to help sell the 60SX has the very real potential to come off as alienating to some folks.

]]>Not going to lie, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I’m none too fond of the direction SXOhh has opted to take in the marketing of their new vibrator, the 60SX. But, I suppose nothing is standing in the way of me enjoying a toy and also being disappointed by the branding choices of said toy.

Consider yourself, forwarned. The fact of the matter is the language SXOhh chose to help sell the 60SX has the very real potential to come off as alienating to some folks. And that’s me being polite as I can be about their “dudebro-on-Tinder” sounding promises of “Ecstasy in sixty seconds.”

But let’s try not to be too rash. Please, stay with me, here. I genuinely believe if you can overlook SXOhh’s poor choices in the marketing of the 60SX, that you’ll likely be in for a pleasant surprise. You’ve just got to trust me on this one.

Most of you probably hadn’t heard about the 60SX until very recently. When it first started making the rounds on social media. That’s because it’s the first toy from a new offshoot of the familiar brand, NuSensulle, named SXOhh.

As you know, bullet vibrators are sort of known to be my jam. Since my initiation into sex blogging, smaller vibrators have and likely always will, remain as permanent tenants in the top drawer of my nightstand. I prefer them in part for their unexpected twist of power paired with petiteness. But, not only for that, but also because they offer me some of the most reliable options available for quickly sating my lust for powerful, ultra-pinpoint external stimulation. They get the job done quickly and efficiently, enough said.

I’ve always been of the mindset that the more power, the better. So when an e-mail showed up in my inbox inviting to review the 60SX, how could I risk turning it down? Especially given that it might have been my only chance to put the extreme claims made by SXOhh about the 60SX’s power to the test.

So when the 60SX finally arrived, it was time for this toy to put up or shut up.

Truth be told, I didn’t know what to expect from the 60SX. I had subconsciously begun associating its over-the-top advertising approach to those egotistical dude-bros we’ve all had the misfortune of meeting on online dating sites. Surely you’ve come across one yourself and recognize the egotistical prattling on of promises they couldn’t possibly keep. I’ve personally, encountered far too many for my liking.

So, right up until the moment, I switched the 60SX on for the first time I kept thinking to myself, “All the bluster in the world can’t mask a weak, buzzy, itch-inducing motor. So good luck with that tactic!”

But. Oh. Em. Gee! The second this little 5-inch wonder surged to life, and I touched it against my genitals all of my doubts flew straight out the window. In fact, before I even was fully cognizant of what was happening, I was having a swift and wholly gratifying orgasm. I mean I didn’t have a stopwatch or anything, but I started to understand the meaning behind SXOhh’s marketing choices a little better. Although, that doesn’t say I still don’t disagree with how exclusionary they are.

This was the point where I also began to wonder if the 60SX’s cartoon space rocket-shape wasn’t itself a sly little nod to the power this small silicone-coated toy hides within it. Believe me! This toy is not for the faint of heart. It emits some powerful, rumbly vibrations, ones on par, or maybe even slightly stronger than the robust vibrations of the world-renowned We-Vibe Tango and Blush Novelties Nocturnal Bullet. And it’s most assuredly is an upgrade to the Nu Sensuelle Point Plus, which, I must say, ain’t no chump itself.

What surprised me the most, is that the outer layer of platinum-cured silicone doesn’t overly insulate the 60SX’s motor and result in the stifling of the majority of the motor’s strength. You know, like you’ll see happening a lot of times with heavily coated toys. Take, for example, the We-Vibe Touch, the Fun Factory Laya II, and the FemmeFunn Bougie Bullet which are just a few that come to mind. From what I can tell, the 60SX’s motor has no problem piercing through the silicone layer, and I’m thrilled that’s the case.

This toy, plainly put, is a powerhouse. Its pointy tip is an excellent choice for those who need powerful pinpoint external vibrations to reach orgasm. Every one of its 13 uniquely named patterns and all 7 of its steady speeds exhibit, the same level of power. And I am always thankful for the inclusion of dual control buttons. Which makes it super duper easy to shift through the settings without becoming lost and frustrated, and finally giving up.

2018 might very well be remembered as the year of the bullet vibrator. We saw it across the board, brands upping their bullet vibe games.

To prove my prove my point. Up until very recently, not a single bullet vibrator I’d tried came anywhere remotely near to matching my beloved Tango’s impressive levels of strength. But in the stretch of the last six months alone, I’ve uncovered at least three rivals to what I once considered to be the Tango’s unsurpassable levels of power. If you haven’t guessed it already, the 60SX is one among that very three.

All I can keep thinking is this is only SXOhh’s first offering to us. It’s pretty clear that they understand what we Power Fiends mean when we say we want powerful, rumbly, vibrations. (And there’s still plenty of time to revamp some of their branding choices.) So, I don’t know about you, but I will be waiting on the edge of my seat to see what they come up with next. If the 60SX is any sign of what’s to come I think we’re in for some real treats. Do you know what I say? I say bring it on, baby!

]]>http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/01/review-sxohh-60sx-bullet-vibrator/feed/011997http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/01/review-sxohh-60sx-bullet-vibrator/Valentine’s Day Giveaway- Win a 60SX Bullet Vibratorhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BackwoodsBedroom/~3/-7fA24uJsQ8/
http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/01/valentines-day-giveaway-win-a-60sx-bullet-vibrator%e2%9d%a3%ef%b8%8f/#respondWed, 30 Jan 2019 18:29:14 +0000http://backwoodsbedroom.com/?p=12006Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Traditionally it has been the sole western holiday designated to celebrate romantic love in all its forms. Seeing as how self-love and masturbation are just as valid as any of the other socially accepted forms of intimacy, (and maybe even more so) I wanted to make it a point this year to celebrate this very often overlooked expression of intimacy this Valentine’s Day.

]]>Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Traditionally it has been the sole western holiday designated to celebrate romantic love in all its forms. Seeing as how self-love and masturbation are just as valid as any of the other socially accepted forms of intimacy, (and maybe even more so) I wanted to make it a point this year to celebrate this very often overlooked expression of intimacy this Valentine’s Day.

To acknowledge the importance of self-love and masturbation, and to assert it as a valid expression of genuine love, I’m giving one lucky reader the chance to win one of my brand-new favorite bullet vibrators, the small but mighty, SXOhh 60SX bullet vibrator.

Ends February 14h, 2019 11:59 PM (Eastern Time US & Canada)

]]>http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/01/valentines-day-giveaway-win-a-60sx-bullet-vibrator%e2%9d%a3%ef%b8%8f/feed/012006http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/01/valentines-day-giveaway-win-a-60sx-bullet-vibrator%e2%9d%a3%ef%b8%8f/Review: Désirables Dalia Porcelain Dildohttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BackwoodsBedroom/~3/D8WfqQlm5WY/
http://backwoodsbedroom.com/2019/01/review-desirables-dalia-porcelain-dildo/#respondTue, 22 Jan 2019 17:58:50 +0000http://backwoodsbedroom.com/?p=11902In a perfect world, no one would bat a single eyelash at the thought of a cherished sex toy being handed down from generation to generation. Can you picture it? I can. Close your eyes, and just for a moment, try to imagine.

Envision a world where heirloom-quality sex toys, are treated like any other priceless family legacy. They are cherished and passed down across generations.

]]>In a perfect world, no one would bat a single eyelash at the thought of a cherished sex toy being handed down from generation to generation. Can you picture it? I can. Close your eyes, and just for a moment, try to imagine.

Envision a world where heirloom-quality sex toys, are treated like any other priceless family legacy. They are cherished and passed down across generations.

Wouldn’t it be incredible to hold such a piece? Imagine gripping an ancient dildo in your hand, one steeped in the cumulative energies of countless orgasms. All of the ones it manifested into the world over its centuries-old tenure as an instrument of pleasure. I want to believe its aura would be radiating with sexual energy.

Okay? So, am I way off base, here?

I mean, if society weren’t so rigidly uptight about sexuality, and more implicitly, if most people weren’t deathly embarrassed at the mere mentioning of sexual pleasure, this concept wouldn’t seem nearly as bizarre, nor icky. Now, would it?

I get it. This particular tradition is not likely to take off. At least, not anytime soon. So perhaps, I’ll be a trendsetter, and make this a new custom within my own family, beginning with my daughter and my Désirables Dalia.

Because I’m willing to wager every penny I have to my name, that the Désirables Dalia, (along with a handful of others,) would be a prime example of a toy that is worthy of such appreciation and multi-generational admiration. Had this theoretic tradition of mine already have been put into practice.

Each Dalia dildo is handcrafted in Montreal, Canada using the Limoges’ tradition. A method that had its origins in France, nearly two centuries ago. From what I understand, this method creates some of the finest porcelain known to man. And while I’m no expert on ceramics, I can attest to the Dalia’s elegance, and the understated refinement of this elegant, egg-shell finish porcelain dildo.

Believe it or not, the Dalia is my initiation into the cosmos of ceramic dildos. My long delay in trying one can only be blamed on their overall scarcity. I’m sure you’ve noticed that, too. Dildos crafted from ceramics are far more obscure than those fashioned from all the other commonly used non-porous elements. Those being silicone (the most prevalent of the modern era,) metal, glass, stone, and water-sealed wood. All of which are prized among sex bloggers for their body-safety, hypoallergenic, and ultra-hygienic characteristics.

The Dalia’s dual-ended, reversible design makes it feel almost as if you’re getting two toys for the price of one. Each variation is separated only by the Dalia’s soft, upturned length. One end is noticeably smaller and more rounded than the other. This side is the one marketed by Désirables as a kegel exerciser. But, of course, you’re free to use it however you see fit.

The other end, (the one I absolutely adore,) is sculpted into the iconic, broad-flattened ergonomic-shape, we are all likely familiar with, by now. This very distinct shape is part of a tried-and-true method of locating and efficiently honing in on the G-spot. It’s, perhaps, one of the most well-recognized silhouettes in the world of sex toys. Now, don’t quote me on this, but I believe it is meant to mimic the same width, motion, and pressure of two upturned fingers stroking against the G-spot.

I’ll tell you one thing I had not anticipated, and that is how shockingly light-weight this dildo turned out to be. I confess that I was expecting porcelain to have the same type of leaden “paperweight” feel that all glass toys have. I was entirely off base with this assumption. The Dalia feels much closer to the light-airiness of a wooden dildo. Which naturally translates to a huge plus for anyone who struggles with wrist or hand-joint pain.

I now realize this was an intentional element of the design. A benefit of its ceramic construction, the Dalia was purposely crafted with about 20% to 25% left hollow. I discovered this little tidbit after doing some reading on the Désirables website.

There are a couple of other noteworthy features, which are all byproducts of the Dalia’s ceramic composition, that I want to mention before continuing. First up, total liberation from all constraints where lube is concerned. Yay! There is no cause for concern when using silicone-infused lubes. Notorious for damaging and breaking down silicone toys when used over time, the porcelain Dalia, will remain unharmed by them.

Another bonus of the ceramic is the opportunity for temperature play. In its natural state, porcelain usually reflects a room’s temperature. Which is typically noticeably lower than body temp (98.6° F). If this is judged as too brisk for your liking, you can quickly boost the temperature by rubbing it between your hands. And, of course, for more extreme temperature adjustments, you can try putting your Dalia in the frig or soaking it in heated water.

The thing that I had inwardly feared would be the Dalia’s ruin, its simple, vanilla design, wound up being its crowning feature. Free from needless complexities, the broad G-spot targeting end, is super easy to wield and undeniable in its uncanny ability to zero in on and maintain adequate pressure on my G-spot.

The hardness of the ceramic, the gentle sweeping “C” curve, and the Dalia’s larger end combine together to create, what I call, the triple threat. The curve, while not exceptionally steep, is just deep enough, when combined with the proper measure of leverage to get my G-spot singing. The Dalia the bow and my body, the violin.

Using it almost feels too self-indulgent, like eating some decadent, chocolate drenched dessert. Each sickly sweet bite evokes pure bliss. Eventually, you become so enraptured by your senses that your eyes roll into the back of your head, and you find yourself feeling queasy from the richness. So much so, that you’re almost ashamed of partaking in such a display of raw hedonism.

A standard session with the Dalia typically goes a little something like this:
With each stroke of the Dalia, I begin to feel the pressure in my G-spot mounting. Instinctually, the tempo of my thrusts start to reflect this increasing tension and my pace quickens to match it. Until finally I become lost in a frantic crescendo of urgent thrusting. Which will be accompanied shortly by a sweet gushing release. Exactly what I was aiming for, from the start.

Honestly, just writing this makes me want to grab the Dalia and steal away unnoticed to the privacy of my bedroom. But I can’t, not quite yet, I’m afraid. I’m nearly finished, and this means I must stay focused on the job at hand!

Before trying it I had my doubts, but in the end, the Désirables Dalia won me over. And this is due in large part to it being one among only a handful of toys that can zero in on my G-spot with such ease and exact precision.

At first, I fell in love with its muted class of beauty. But I still held some serious reservations about how well this ceramic dildo’s oversimplified shape would fare against my body’s ultra picky inclinations.

Well, I can now confidently designate the Dalia as worthy of “heirloom status.” Hey, who knows? Maybe someday, way, way, way into the distant future, one of my as yet, unborn descendants may fancy it as much as I do. Who knows, right? But I could definitely see it happening.