Jesus and Mary-Magdalene are Aussies

A couple living in Australia believe that they are Jesus and Mary Magdalene, and they’re taking donations! AJ Miller and his girlfriend Mary want you to know that the long wait for the Messiah is over! Rejoice, believers, for the Son of Man (also called “The Human One” now) has returned, and he lives down under.

I know what you’re thinking: what proof does AJ Miller have that he’s the messiah? Get ready to be blown away, people:

There’s probably a million people who say they’re Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life.”

Ah, well, that makes perfect sense to me. They can’t all be lying, right? One of them has to be an all powerful, all knowing creator of the Cosmos. Sure, he looks a little pedestrian with his flowery shirt and his super tired-looking girlfriend, but that’s because he’s been living off the donations of some 40 followers, so the money hasn’t seriously started rolling in just yet! Give him a few more years and he’ll have enough sheep shoveling him money to buy a really swinging wardrobe.

Your skeptical mind might be wondering why he’s chosen to come back now. Well, it’s obviously because every other church on this planet got his message wrong, and now he has to give seminars explaining how souls work. If you’re too busy to show up, then you can always download his shitty recordings for free (you can donate, but he’ll probably spend all that money of more ugly shirts) .

The main reason why I have returned to earth is to teach the Divine Truth that was lost, and to present to mankind the choice that we all have in front of us now, and this choice is: continue to follow the Natural Love path of progression until the 6th sphere state, or, learn and follow the Divine Love path of progression which will result in our infinite expansion.

Um, ok…So if you’re wondering what exactly the Divine Love Path is all about, picture the most annoying hippy bullshit and then infuse it with Christianity. The result is a confusing mess of platitudes and make-believe nonsense that will make your brain hurt. Can you believe how insanely gullible his followers are? They have “no reason” to doubt his claims? Honestly folks, I think you need to learn a little skepticism in life. It might save you precious time and money…