Friday, February 16, 2018

THE KNITTING GROUP REPORT

I am a husband. The women in my wife’s weekly knitting circle,
cover the relationship spectrum: women who are married, a divorcee, a widow, one LGBT and
one “old maid”.

In this group, the word “husband” is more normally associated
with the words: “gutters”, “sofa”, "recycling" or “track lighting” than with the term
“French Tickler”.

Why am I not surprised? My beloved wife and I have been
married 40+ years and in all those years my weekly “honey do” list, generated
by my winsome wife, has not once included “do honey”. And worse, almost weekly
these gals shake their heads and lament that the men in their lives have all
sagged to late middle-age entropy and are no longer exciting! But, what they
count as “exciting” is never sexual.

I’ve asked my wife. She says sex never
comes up.I’ll bet.

What is a "hot topic" in the knitting group is
lamenting that the men won’t re-face the
kitchen cabinets, re-paint the kitchen, or deck the attic floor! And, they can’t
drag them to Sheep&WoolCon.

For myself, this is frightening. I am not
competent with carpentry. I am a guy who posted on Facebook a photo of the hole
in the bedroom ceiling I punched when I stepped off of a rafter in the attic.

Thankfully,
my “get up and go” hasn’t “got up and went”. I speak a little French. (Wink, wink.) And, I like to dance. Never
underestimate the magnetic power of good Swing Dance or Texas 2-Step.

WHY AM I HERE?

You men out there, consider this a warning flag. Apparently it gets
worse. When couples divorce or the husband dies, sex and home repair apparently
are the MOST sought after!

The divorcee of the group affirmed that
middle-aged men on internet dating sites she frequents, the ones who can talk
about re-facing cabinets are THE most sought after.

WHAT DO I WANT?

I wanted to be a vigilant husband. Observant.
Defiant. I do not to step into personal adaptation. Adaptation to the ordinary,
the day-to-day, the common, the boring for me!

I do not want to join the
species of middle-aged husbands who are known by their most favorite flannel
shirts. They are the routine of the day. These men in plaid flannel are the "albatrosses", hanging around the
neck of the women in the knitting circle.

Our former Italian teacher stopped by the knitting group last Sunday
afternoon just to visit. So, I came downstairs from ironing my flannel shirts.

The topic slipped quickly to the teacher’s husband who would not let her go to
Italy alone for three months! Then, all the women piled on!

And, the piling on
was unsportsmanlike. Words and accusations were thrown about: Was it fear that
an Italian lover would sweep her away? Or fear of eating his own cooking?Or was he simply a middle-aged slug?

TECHNOLOGY POSTS

WRITING A MEMOIR OR PERSONAL BIOGRAPHY? Use the three simple questions: “Who Am I?”, “Why Am I Here?” and “What Do I Want?” as prompts for journaling and deep reflection. At our core are questions, not answers. Who forms the answers also forms the one that answers the questions - you.