Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It looks like I had my pre Christmas piss up just in time last week, as Nanny has just issued a warning leaflet explaining all manners of dangers presented by the forthcoming binge/bloat fest officially known as Christmas.

Gosh had I read the leaflet, I would never have ventured out last Friday!

FNAAAR!

Anyhoo, Nanny safety leaflet (issued in the form of an Advent style calendar) warns about the dangers of gravy "exploding" in microwaves, pissed people falling over (gosh!) and Christmas tree baubles.

Nanny's knobheads from Ed Balls' Department for Children, Schools and Families have issued 150,000 of the leaflets called "Tis The Season To Be Careful". I have no idea why they think this will help people enjoy Christmas.

Why oh why do we allow these people to remain in government?

Anyhoo, my advice to you all is to ignore Nanny and have it large this Christmas!

Rest assured a good time was had by all, and copious quantities of food and booze were consumed!

Despite consuming and elegant sufficiency I still managed to transport myself back home to Brighton later in the evening, without any of the following:

- falling over- the use of the emergency services to sober me up, detox me, or arrest me- vomiting in any public/private place- being lewd, crude, obnoxious etc- putting my feet up on the seat of the train- robbing or assaulting anyone

Now if I can manage to behave in a vaguely civilised manner, despite having consumed a vast quantity of food and drink, how come our youngsters (and those who should know better) who have been Nannyfied since birth cannot?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Anyhoo, children in the choir from Arthur Bugler County Junior School in Stanford-le-Hope Essex were a tad disappointed recently. They had practiced hard to perform some carols at the Corringham Winter Festival. However, there was one small fly in their oinkment.

Can you guess what that was?

Yes, that's right, they were to perform carols.

What is wrong with carols?, I hear you ejaculate (can I say ejaculate so close to Christmas?).

Carols my dear readers are religious; the organisers of the festival didn't want anything religious, lest it spoilt the flavour of the festival.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Ah tis panto season again, the time when middle aged men dress as women, attractive young women dress in tights posing as men and get to kiss/make out with the leading lady who is also an attractive young woman....and we take our children to watch this.

This time honoured tradition has been going on for centuries, and nothing has stopped it until now. For you see dear readers, Nanny has got the wind up her bloomers over the health and safety issues of panto.

The panto players of Peterculter, Aberdeenshire, have performed for the last 17 years in their local village hall without any problems until now when Nanny's chums from Aberdeen City Council recently threatened them with a police raid.

For why?

Cross dressing adults?

No!

Woman to woman kissing?

No!

The show contravenes health and safety laws, because the show (Aladdin) was not licensed. The council had claimed the show did not have a "proper licence" under rules laid down in 1968.

Peterculter Theatre Club has a public entertainment licence for the show, but not a theatre licence (which would take 3 weeks to process).

One might ask why it is that this rule has only just been thrown in their face by the the council?

A spokesman for the Council said it had a duty to report licensing breaches to the police. In true Nanny style he said:

"We have no discretion in this matter. There is a minimum 14-day notice period for application for a theatre licence, which is laid down by statute and cannot be waived.

The legislation is in place to ensure the safety of people attending public buildings. In respect of a theatre licence, this includes checks on technical issues such as moving parts on stage, lighting safety curtains etc.

All of these have the potential to go wrong with serious implications for public safety."

Only obeying orders!

Surely the hall has a fire certificate etc?

Seemingly some form of solution was agreed upon, re the firebrigade checking all was in order, and the show went ahead.

Why could the council not have come up with that solution in the first place?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

2 She employs a vast army of "helpers" to enforce her rules and to spy on us.

3 She allows others to "interpret" her rules, and to apply them in a fashion that is over and above the letter of the law. As and when someone realises that in fact the "rule" being applied doesn't exist, Nanny shrugs her shoulders and blames one of her overenthusiastic little helpers.

Such a case happened to Dorothy Glenn from South Shields.

One of Nanny's little trolls, in the form of a Homes Worker from Mrs Glenn's housing association run by the council, who told her to remove her Christmas lights lest they offend her non-Christian neighbours.

Mrs Glenn decorates her home in South Shields with hundreds of festive lights every year, including a giant tree and a 4ft Santa Claus.

Now I can understand that noisy, bright decorations might annoy people (eg if they can't sleep, or if they attract thousands of people to gawp). However, given that trees and Santa Claus have zero religious connotations (many non Christian families put up a tree in their homes during Christmas) the use of the "religious offence" excuse is flimsy.

However, can you guess what folks?

The ruling turned out to be bollocks.

The housing association apologised to Mrs Glenn, and backtracked claiming that removing Christmas lights was not part of their policy.

I wonder, if they would have backtracked if this story had not been made public?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

We all know that Nanny is a mean spirited individual, preferring to stick to the letter of her rule book rather then exercise compassion and commonsense. However, this act of meanspiritedness goes way beyond the norm even for her.

Nanny's NHS board members of South Birmingham Primary Care Trust are fighting to ban a smoking room in the Shedlon Unit for terminally ill patients, should the dying wish to smoke they will have to do it outside.

The Sheldon Unit is a palliative care home for patients dying from lung cancer and other diseases. The board have decreed that plans to upgrade the smoking room with a new ventilation system will come to now't.

Dr Chris Spencer-Jones, South Birmingham public health director, said that he did not care if lifelong smokers were dying, they would not be allowed to smoke indoors.

"It doesn't matter if patients might be terminally ill.

That is not relevant because there are other units where such patients cannot smoke.

The practise at the Sheldon Unit is unacceptable."

Not much of a bedside "Dr Finlay" manner is it?

Even those condemned to execution are allowed a last fag, why not those undergoing the prolonged agony of terminal cancer?

The NHS describes the Sheldon Unit as a service that provides "choice, privacy, dignity and autonomy" enabling patients to die in comfort and dignity.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Even I, a man who is well used to Nanny's stupidity, was a tad gobsmacked when I read what Nanny's "we are only obeying orders" twats in Thanet Council did to Lazaris Michael (76 years old) recently.

Indeed I am so gobsmacked that I am awarding Thanet council my ultra prestigious, and much coveted, "Knobheads of The Year" Award.

What have they done to deserve such an award?

Pin back your lugholes dear readers, and I will relate a sorry tale of Thanet Council's arrogance and pigheadedness.

Mr Michael was minding his own business shopping in Margate and having a fag, when some policemen accidentally knocked his fag out of his hand as they rushed to nick two girls who were trying to leg it from a branch of Boots.

So far so good.

Mr Michael, being a responsible citizen (and not happy to waste a good fag), then bent down to pick it up...

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, before he could retrieve his fag as if by magic a council warden appeared and blinky blonky blimey issued him with a fixed penalty notice of £60 for littering.

Now at this stage one might have thought that, aside from the warden being a jobsworth "I'm only following orders" knobhead, the council would have used some commonsense and not followed this up.

Oh deary me, how wrong you are!

The council, being a bunch of thickheaded, obstinate knobheads chose to ignore his pleas for commonsense and are threatening him with a larger fine of £80 if he does not pay up.

Thanet Council when confronted showed no remorse, their environment chief Shirley Tomlinson said:

"We are happy with the process that has been followed.

Thanet Council's campaign warns people the council will take a zero tolerance approach to anyone who drops litter, including cigarette butts and chewing gum.

If spotted, no excuses will be accepted. You will be handed a fine.

It is therefore important to dispose of any litter in the right way.

Our wardens have been doing what they have been instructed to do and we cannot make any allowances."

By their own words so they have condemned themselves.

Let us reciprocate and show no mercy to these self important martinets, who choose to abandon the normal rules of mercy and commonsense that ought to be used in abundance by our elected officials.

- No more should we kowtow to these people.

- No more should we accept their "authority" over us.

- No more should we vote them back into office.

At every opportunity should we obstruct, and gum up the system. Use Nanny's "zero tolerance" approach against Nanny and her minions.

Local councils are the enemy of the people, they should be treated with absolute contempt!

Thanet Council well deserving Knobheads of The Year!

Now here's a funny thing:)

Can you guess children which party runs Thanet?

Yes, that's right, it's the Tory Party...again!

I don't know about you, but I am getting pig sick of writing about local council stupidity and rigid petty mindedness, only to find that it's not Zanu Labour but the Tories behaving like dickheads.

Well folks I give the Tory Party full and fair notice that even if it costs them the next election, unless they get their act together and clearly demonstrate to us that they have a workable plan for rolling back the frontiers of the state (and bring their councils to heel) I will use all my efforts to cause a "train wreck" in their election plans.

I would also like to remind them that I own the domain names laboursleaze.com and torysleaze.com.

You know the format by now folks, drop Cameron a line telling him your views of the Tory party.

Nanny's Gestapo from Cambridgeshire County Council have used RIPA to spy on eight paperboys thought to be working without permits.

Council spies were sent undercover to spy on the local Spar shop in the village of Melbourn, and take notes on the movements of the boys.

For why?

The council used the evidence gathered to prosecute the shop's owners for employing five of the boys (all over 13 years old) without the correct documentation.

In Cambridgeshire it is against the law to employ children without a series of forms being filled in, the owners of the shop made an administrative mistake and did not complete all the necessary documentation.

Why so much paperwork?

It seems that Nanny believes that carrying newspapers presents a health and safety risk, also working before 7AM is verboten.

Gosh, 7AM...yes that is early isn't it?

Heaven forefend that anyone has to work at that ungodly hour!

The owners of the shop have been given a six-month conditional discharge.

No doubt the citizens of Cambridgeshire feel safer in their beds knowing that RIPA is being used to protect them from the terrorist threat of paperboys working without permits.

A truly loathsome use of RIPA. The councillors should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

By the way, can you guess which party runs Cambridgeshire?

Yes, that's right, yet again it's the Tories!

You know the format by now, tell Cameron he will lose the next election if he doesn't show that he intends to draw back the frontiers of the state and get control of his local councils.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Not content with banning smoking in the workplace and other public areas, the fag fascists have now set their beady eyes on foster parents.

Redbridge council, another one of this country's "respected" local authorities, is mulling plans to ban foster parents from fostering if they smoke (irrespective of the age - currently local authtorites ban smokers from fostering under 5's - or circumstances of the child).

The fag fascists insist that the benefits of "protecting" children from passive smoking outweigh the emotional and possible physical damage done to the child by leaving it in the clutches of the Nanny state and its social services.

It should be noted that there is in fact a shortage of 10,000 foster carers in the UK.

However, as a wily old bird once said:

"The end justifies the means".

Remind me again, who said that?

Oh yes, I remember...he was a smoker though.

It is likely that if Redbridge go ahead with this, other "respected" councils will follow.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Congratulations to those running Greenwood Junior School in Nottingham, for winning this week's Prats of The Week Award.

The powers that be at the school decided that running a school nativity play, and celebrating Eid (which lasts only two days) was simply too much bother. Their solution was to send out letters saying that the Nativity play was cancelled.

Unsurprisingly a number of parents were a tad pissed off.

Surprisingly the school hadn't anticipated the reaction, and hastily tried to back peddle claiming there had been a misunderstanding and sent out another letter. The second letter said that the play would be postponed to the New Year.

Errmm...what use is a Nativity play in New Year?

Given that Eid lasts but two days the school, had they used a little bit of imagination, could have still put on the play.

Did they not think of the negative PR that this decision and letters would generate?

Did anyone really think of the consequences of their actions?

It seems not.

The powers that be at Greenwood Junior School, well deserving Prats of The Week.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Be warned the Health and Safety Gestapo have donned their jackboots again and are back to their favourite subject, the alleged "trip hazard" posed by welcome mats.

Residents of the rather amusinbgly named "Revenge House" block of flats, at The Anchorage, Gosport have recently been told by the Gestapo in their local council to remove their welcome mats lest someone trip over them.

Residents who do not remove the mats have been threatened with court action, and possible eviction.

Ironically Cllr Keith Gill, the head of the council's housing board, thinks that this is a load of bollocks:

"I would be very opposed to any kind of legal action taking place over this. I think that would be heavy handed.

This is really sending out the wrong message and there are more important things that the council should be worrying about."

Well said sir!

Even Tom Mullarkey, chief executive of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, was against the mat ban.

"The application of common sense and balance is much more reasonable than the seeking of mindless increments towards absolute safety."

The extent of the council's stupidity is highlighted by the fact that instead of applying a blanket ban on all mats (which at least would be consistent with their daft policy), they intend to waste time and resources by assessing the risk posed by each mat on an individual basis.

What a complete bunch of knobheads!

Let's face it, local councils really are the pits.

Rather amusingly my own local branch of LA Fitness is using the "trip hazard" as an excuse for not putting anti slip matting around the sides of their swimming pool, I am sure that this is nothing to do with saving money.

Good luck to them in the courts if someone slips on the wet tiles, as I and others have nearly done, and breaks a few bones.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Those of you who are dismissing the arrest by 9 counter terrorism officers of Damian Green and the strip searching of Sally Murrer by Thames Valley police as being aberrations in the use of the police by the state, and not of relevance to ordinary people carrying on their ordinary everyday activities, should consider what happened to Brett Duxfield.

Mr Duxfield organised that Bonfire Night celebrations on the village green at Elwick, this went off as it usually does without a hitch.

However, two days later Nanny's police came a calling at Mr Duxfield's home, after a complaint by someone on the Parish Council (name unknown - doubtless a very "pleasant" individual) that a 130 year old bylaw banning fires on the green had been broken. Mr Duxfield was taken by polcie from his home at 8am, and had his DNA and fingerprints taken.

Couldn't such an absurd alleged offence been dealt with in a more sensible manner?

By the way, guess how many officers turned up on Bonfire night to observe the proceedings?

Two?

No!

Six?

No!

More than the Nine used to arrest Damian Green?

Yes!

According to Mr Duxfield, fourteen officers arrived at the green in uniform and protective clothing. Seemingly they were there for people's "safety".

Two days later three officers arrested him ,and he was held in police custard until 6.15PM that day.

Mr Duxfield has now appeared before Hartlepool magistrates, and was granted bail after the case was adjourned.

Errmmm...am I alone in thinking that all of this is somewhat over the top?

PS, you will be pleased to know the the villagers have extracted some form of vengeance on the Parish Council. A public meeting was held and two councillors have been forced to resign.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Whilst we are on the subject of the heavy handed use by the state of the police (9 counter terrorism officers used to arrest Damian Green), why was Sally Murrer, a reporter on the Milton Keynes Citizen newspaper, strip searched by Thames Valley Police when they were investigating her for obtaining police information illegally?

Note, the court threw the case out.

Gordon "Smiler" Brown is a foul tempered bully, who ironically has used leaks in the past to further his rise to power, it seems that his bullying "leadership style" is now being emulated by the state police.

ZaNu Labour are destroying the freedoms that took centuries of spilt blood to be won by the people of Britain.

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