H. R. NIGHTMARE

okay okay, so yes I’ve been out of touch for a little while doing this and that, blash blah blah…

But I just couldn’t stay away forever.
I mean really, WHAT whould your life be without me??

I know most of you where out there saying to yourself whenever something funny happened.. “Oh where is HR for this”

like the time you went half the day watching a guy walk around with a dried booger on his tie, and each time he looked at you, you gaged.
Yes you gave him a complex and now he sits in his moms basement typing away on his computer all day long visiting bl… you know what we are just going to move on to more funny.

Alright so its spring time, most places anyway, and the weather is warming up, and the birds are coming back and
I’M STUCK IN A GOD DAMN OFFICE ALL FRIGGIN DAY WITH ONE SMALL ASS WINDOW THAT TED (THAST SON-OF-A-BITCH) GETS TO LOOK OUT AND NOT ME!!!!
But I’m ok with that.

Really,?? did you all think that I was the kind of guy that would sit inside on a warm and sunny day??
I’M FROM NEW ENGLAND MOTHER-FUCKERS!!! We only get, like 3 maybe 5 sunny days a year. I’m getting my rock hard ass outside.

(okay so maybe not so much rock hard as pliable, but I blame the fast food, chips ((the fri kind, hi Megan)), energy drinks, hot dogs, and the lack of exercise
booze, and candy, for the current condition of my ass.)

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Go home already…. unless you got booze, then come on in and have a seat.
No really go away.
No don’t really come in , get out.
Leave this place.
Remove yourself from here before I get pissed.
LAST WARNING!!!

okay that’s it now you’ve angered me.
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I’m getting MY gun.
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Have a what ever kind of day you want to have.. DO IT!!!

As I sit here in my rustic log cabin in the woods listening to the sound of only snaps and crackles being omitted from my fire place, and the sound of the clicking of my keyboard wondering what to put on the blank screen of mine.
I allow my mind to be released and wonder with the flickering fire light of the room. Amazed that it seemed to find a place long lost of my childhood and the things I wished to be when I reached adulthood.
Needless to say a smile came across my face as I indulged in the kid dreams of my little world and then it dawned on me…
If I don’t wake up and get my ass out of bed ill be late for work… Again.

Yea I don’t have a log cabin in the woods, the only fire I play with I must make fly and create art and unfortunately my childhood dreams have not really come to pass.

Yep this is my life but it’s nice to remember the good things from time to time…Like my kids..

My kids are kind, loving and proud.

Kind… Willing to do whatever needs to be done to help others that may not be ready to help themselves.

Loving… Able to see past flaws and enjoy a person regardless of where they come from or where they are.

Proud… Proud to be called a friend, proud of the things the have accomplished and will accomplish. Proud to be a leader rather then a follower. Proud to be themselves regardless of what the current “fad” is.

So in looking at these terrific people that call me dad maybe, just maybe I have completed my childhood dream after all.

I wanted to raise kids that where better people then I was.

Mission accomplished.

Dreams for filled.

Now I need new dreams.

New dreams filled with heart, compaction, faith and caring.

And maybe with a little luck…A cape.

Because let’s face it, every dreamer dreams of having a cape.

But all my dreams are unknown.

now onto the funny…
A little while ago it was mentioned to me that “fast food” joints or ” flipin burgers” was the down fall of the current economy.. well I have news for you…

seeing as fast food has been around a long, long time as seen here..

Now many will think that this is completely impossible but its true.
Even if today it seems to be a little more like the evil twin brother asking…

As most know, and I have stated WAY more than once I do not write well so I hide behind pictures and poke fun at, well everybody.

So to bring a smile to a few faces out there I look around the internet quite often and most of the day from my phone, Every so often I take a break from the normal sites where they know me on a first name basis and look at things OTHER then porn. Because lets face it, I’m still a guy. So I find these little haha moments in hopes that some one, some where will get a chuckle from them. So here we go kiddies hold on to your hair piece, Its gonna be a bumpy ride…,

TONIGHT THEME IS

THE MILITARY

Thats right the armed forces from all over..

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AND LAST BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST…

A MOMENT OF

SERENITY

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If I have caused ant undue issues in this post, well I really don’t care cause

I AIN’T HERE TO HELP.

good night, god bless and all that.

no really get out, leave, vamoosed, remove yourself from my air space, WHY are you still here? Do you understand you being here now at this moment in time is causing a paradox that will never be corrected… move people, I can not stress enough that at this exact moment in time in a parallel universe you are standing to close to that annoying car alarm, which in there universe is considered rock-n-roll and they do it to dance, but that’s not the point. Look I have been pretty nice up to this point but am starting to get angered. FINE, FINE your still here reading this at least do me the favor of taking a look at this if you insist on staying..

Each and every one of us need to laugh just to release the tension we accumulate each and every day.

This is why I bring these little moments of joy to the world,

some I find on the net in picture from (ok most) and some are the ongoing jokes I play or have played on co-workers and friends.

If just one person out there is able to chuckle at just one little, insignificant thing I post here then my day is almost fulfilled (there is still the food and napping thing to consider) so with out further a due I give you todays little burst of HAHA

First up would be a very telling insight to the MALE MIND……..(don’t worry, it’s a short story)

So there you have it folks, better than a decoder ring right…

next there is a small piece that was left out of this……(Probably the most important to a NEW relationship)

this one is for the “Players out there” who really don’t have a clue…

And now for the most blatant of all the questions to be released from the MALE MIND, through his mouth and streight to the ER room I bring you the #1 most though about question we could and would ask (mainly when drunk)

there you have it a glimpse into the MALE MIND as seen by HR Nightmare….

This is a flash back to a conversation I have had with the director of Human resources at a former place of employment.

I’ll start it off..

Me: Good morning Mr. Howard how are you today?

I’m Fine HR, we need to talk. (Yeah even then they called me HR)

Ok, I’m freed up right now. What’s going on?

HR we here have come to appreciate the jokes and your schananagins and most are amazing, but…

Wait is this about the new signage I put in the lady’s room ?

No, I didnt even know there was a new sign in the lady’s room.

OK, Is this about having the floor guys put a couple extra coats of wax on the floor, cause I paid the difference out-of-pocket..

Nope, didnt really notice that either, It’s about…

Ok, wait let me guess.. it was the way I wrote on the tp in the stalls to remember to wash your hands before returning to work, because that one I have to say isnt bad just a friendly reminder.. however the one that said smile for the camera probably wasnt to smart I’ll admit.

It had nothing to do with any of that, But I do appreciate you bringing these things to my attention… now let me finish.

Ok I’m listening go ahead.

We where going to give you the JESTER award this weekend and let you give a small speech on the importance of a fun-loving and joyful working enviroment, BUT we wont be able to.

Why not that sounds great, I would love to why can’t we?

Because after this conversation and bringing these things to my attention, you might be looking for a new job.

Are you sure? because there is some thing you should know.

Whats that?

Yesterday the big bosses where here too, and well they thought is was brilliant and keeps people on their toes.

So what does that mean??

Hi how are you, I need to speak to you about your performance review coming up. I’m YOUR new boss.

So there you have it, When you make someone of authority laugh, you just might stand a chance in the up tight world.

It’s that time again to leave the crap of the world behind for a moment and become a laughing, drooling idiot like me.

Today I only have 2 funny pictures for you to lift your spirits and bring a chuckle to you funny bone (or hit it with a stick). Here you go folks.

That’s just funny right there, who the hell does that monkey think she is?

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and this one is a reminder that size doesn’t matter as much as a strong mindset set.

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and as always thanks for stopping by. If im not here when you get here, then I’m at the office compiling all the data I received for Looch. You can leave a message at the front desk or come back again later.

Heres your pretty picture for the day to try to remove the thought of me in your head.

There see I try to do something nice and you twist it all around to make me look like the perv.

Just kidding. I am, so any who, Whats going on out there in the real world? Since I’m not getting out of here any time soon I would really like to know. OOp to late the nice men with the really warm jackets that make me give myself a hug are here, They bring me to listen to music through these little tiny metal stickers they put on the side of my head. I hope they got a new record thou, the same buzzing band has been playing for my last 4 visits, although the music HAS gotten louder the last 2 times. Anyway… Gotta go. see you in your mind.

You go to your favored coffee shop and order you usual and receive some type of off base concoction of crap

when you ask what this crap is that you just got you get

“This is better just give it a chance.”

You get stuck in traffic after leaving the house 15 minuets late to start off with.

You walk into work and realize that there was a conference call you were set to be on 40 minuets ago so your late.

You look at your desk and figure out that there seems to be a weeks worth of work on it and you where only gone for 2 days, and none of it has any us full information pertaining to the documents you’re looking at.

Come lunchtime your break is a welcomed distraction to all the things that have been turned upside down in your day, only to receive a call from a coworker in regards to the conference call beginning that you missed so the 2 of you spend your entire break trying to find the info required for the close of the day.

After your break you return to what appears to be 15 messages from clients asking the status of their ordered parts to which you have no answers and then need to play catchup to find out and returned all the calls with the info, you muddle through the rest of your day and finally at the end of it all its time to go home. Your almost skipping all the way to your car with the biggest smile ever chanting tomorrow will be better, only to hop in your car and find out that you left the headlights on all day and now your battery is dead, you turn around just in time to see the last person your work with leaving the parking lot so you can’t even get a jump-start. When you try to call and see if they can swing by and give you a jump-start your phone is dead because the battery doesn’t hold a charge anymore and you have no way to charge it up.

A glimmer of hope a co-worker returns to pick up some papers he forgot, good fortune, all the way untill you figure out neither one of you have jumper cable because you loaned them to a buddy last week.

finally your buddy was able to call another friend and get a jump.

You race home looking forward to sitting in your favorite chair and crack open a beer, put your feet up and count the hours untill your day is finally done. When you get home your last beer is gone, your cat got sick in your chair and threw up and there seems to be no food remaining in the house, and the satellite is out because the wind took out your dish.

You say screw it and walk into the bedroom just to plop down in bed and finish out the day a little early. and try again tomorrow.

well that wasnt my day, my day was pretty good.

till next time..

keep smiling ( it makes people think your up to something, even if you’re not )

Oh crap this whole post and no pics??

WTF

here you go my friends.

HAHAHA you thought I wasnt going to find a way to sneak this in here didnt you.

H. R. Nightmare

I’m the guy that will say that thing that shouldn’t be said. If you look for me, I’ll be the one that’s a foot past the line you don’t cross. And use caution when speaking to me, because I am a true beliver that THERE’S A JOKE IN THERE SOMEWHERE.

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