August 14, 2013

Sure, Park Avenue is a destination address in The Big Apple. Today’s house, however, is located in a different Big City, namely Wait, That’s A Top Ten City? or as it’s also known, Bigger Than San Francisco? RU SRS? Being serious, can you name one major company headquartered in San Jose? Neither can we, and we already mentioned a big one named Apple that’s over in Cupertino. Okay, Adobe, but that’s ONE. There probably aren’t any more.

Meanwhile, we’ve got a Park Avenue property from Burbed reader Swan for you today. Hope you enjoy it as much as we did. (That is if by “enjoy” we really meant “avoid.”)

Single family home with additional rooms attached to garage. Showing by appointmnet only.

Here’s Swan’s song:

Saving the best for last, I give you 1083 Park Ave., San Jose. This listing is full of Burbed Win! First, five beautiful, out of focus pictures of the front of the house.

Second, there are some fuzzy photos of the interior. These pictures start off showing what seems to be pretty decent living and dining areas. Is that a glass of beer on the dining table? If so, it goes with the beer ad on the TV!

The kitchen, other than the post near the refrigerator, isn’t bad either. In pictures #12 and #13 we are given a slow introduction as to what is to come. Have you ever watched "Hoarders?" Well, pictures 14 and 15 could be right out of an episode!

Before you call the cleanup crew, look at pictures 16 and 17. Apparently only the storage area is a mess because the bathroom and laundry area aren’t too bad. Notice the toilet seat is up in the bathroom! Also, does the random arm in #17 count as a Dude Hanging Out?

We aren’t done yet! Check out Streetview for a bunus!! Porta-potty next door!

That’s an even better bunus than a trash bin! Plus… Holy Jughandle, Batman, is that a sound wall? No! It isn’t!

Wow, this is exciting! Whatever are they building next door? A liquor store? An adult movie emporium? So many exciting possibilities for making new friends!

August 9, 2013

It’s Friday! Let’s finish up the week with an awesome property from that always hot market on the Peninsula, San Bruno! In fact this place is so on fire that nobody can get near it, and hasn’t for almost a year! Thanks very much to Burbed reader Facebooksux for today’s featured façade.

The exterior may look like a gingerbread house with the white picket fence and shutter trim on the outside windows, the front door opens to a most unique home. Everything is custom, a must see home. Huge master bedroom suite with high ceilings and and private spa bathroom. Formal dining room, family room, TV room with wet bar. Eat in kitchen with walk in pantry/laundry area. So much more to see.

The front page may look like a well-presented property, but there’s that datestamp in the lower right corner. Pro Tip: Unless you want your buyers to think you shot your listing photos with a disposable camera and dropped them off at Rite-Aid, turn off the danged stamps.

Let’s listen to Facebooksux’s nominating speech.

ALMOST A MILLION BERNANKE BUX FOR SAN BRUNO????!!!!

Hopefully there aren’t any leaky gas pipelines beneath the home.

Please use Facebooksux as my name instead of my real name and keep up the good work!!

You mean don’t mention that your real name is – ha ha, gotcha! Kind of like how this house will getcha too. We are positive these pillows are up to no good.

But even if they can be trusted, there are many dangerous plants that are lying in wait for you. Be very afraid.

This home has been decorated with such care, it must have been just as thoughtfully situated in its neighborhood, right? Here’s the delightful view from the front door.

August 8, 2013

We have a prince of a property for you today. It’s in a great location, it’s not priced at a batshit insane ask like yesterday’s house, and best of all, you can review the listing in about 25 seconds. Thanks very much to Burbed reader SB for the nomination!

Upcoming Open Houses

Sunday, Aug 11: Open House – 11:00-2:00 pm

Can’t imagine why you’d need to go to an Open House, as the seller obviously has shared everything you need to know about this rear opportunity. However, an aerial photo does a great job demonstrating just what an opportunity awaits in the rear.

Yes, that opportunity comes in the form of a body shop and a tire store, right on El Camino Real, the Street of Kings! We can also check the Streetview if you wish.

August 1, 2013

We have a very special property for you today! Burbed reader nomadic must have spied this one on the way back from a lunch meeting. So if you don’t like the very small rented cottage with basement, build something else and skip the kitchen. You won’t need it where we’re going.

Do not distrub occupants. Small north Los Altos lot 40X125, behind Chef Chu’s, Armadillo’s Willy’s. Currently, a very small rented cottage with basement. Value in the land. Access on Acacia and from the back alley behind restaurants.

Oh, did we mention where we’re going? It’s the Land of $2,500 a square foot. No wonder you can’t distrub occupants. Now, let’s check in with nomadic.

“Maybe a small home can be built.” The realtard almost sounds wistful. The lot is wedged between two parking lots; who in their right mind would want to build a house there? A business wouldn’t be a practical idea though, because it would have to be quite small and not require more than a couple parking spots.

No more wistful realtard, as that last sentence seems to have been edited out (still on Zillow as we write this). Instead let’s be wistful about the photography.

Remember, Location, Location, Location!

Right in the middle of everything, literally just steps away from San Antonio and El Camino Real! Plus there’s a new Safeway across the street! Of course the value is in the land; tear everything down and set up a pay for parking lot! Or build your own restaurant in that small rented cottage! (Wait, did you distrub occupants?)

Bunus round: Try maybe building that small home and see how you fare against the Los Altos Planning Department!

Too good to be true home. Tremendous amounts of living space, huge backyard on prime culdesac with CUPERTINO schools. Inspections show this house is in great shape. Heat/AC, hardwood floors, CAT 5 wiring,special sound resistant windows and walls,black out shades, Audio.Visual tech dream home, granite counters,surround sound, etc. This home will not last long. Office area is built in & stays.

Wait, what’s this about sound resistant windows and walls and black out shades? This makes it a too good to be true home?

Those shades aren’t even black! We think the agent is pulling a fast one here. Same thing with the “Audio.Visual tech dream home” when all that’s visible is a giant-ass flatscreen. For all we know those cabinets are full of useless things like cinnamon and pastry bags.

We did determine why they mentioned the special sound resistant windows and walls, though. Location, location, location! Hoe Lee Crap, this house is on a six lane major thoroughfare next to an eight lane major expressway and an eight lane freeway.

This is a rare location fail trifecta: Busy street, expressway and freeway. Plus it backs up to a commercial zone.

Now what would you pay? Not only is Santa Clara hosting million dollar houses, but million dollar houses in challenging locations! Can you imagine what you’re going to have to pay for a house near nothing but other houses?

If you think we’re exaggerating about the commercial zone, check out what you see when you hit Redfin right now.

Go on over there, click on the map to make it full size, and note where you find yourself. This home will not last long, indeed.

October 11, 2012

Menlo Park, like its nearby neighbors, is having a bit of a real estate run right now. Fortunately, some properties have that certain je ne sais pas that put them on our front page no matter how much Facebook employees want to buy a house. Today’s featured facade, foisted upon us by Burbed reader peninsula.man, punctuates this perfectly. Please proceed.

This spacious and newly remodeled home with 2170 sf is in immaculate move-in condition. Beautifully updated kitchen, baths, recessed lighting, crown moldings, dual-pane windows, and Cherry engineered hardwood floors. Secure front gate with professionally landscaped yard. A perfect home with great convenient location, ready and waiting for its new owner.

And here’s what the P-Man himself has to say about this place:

Can not wait to live next to pizza hut! for just over half a million

More like almost half again over half a million. You’ve been living on the Peninsula too long if $199,000 isn’t worth mentioning in a home price.

More importantly, these photos suggest that this not-quite-vintage-enough-to-qualify-for-the-old-house-tag listing has had a few upgrades put in recently. Very recently. Because let’s have a look at the last time this place went pending.

Someone had the cash, as the place went pending in eleven days. Now look what they did to it! This time it went pending in only seven days.

Whoops, according to Zillow it went pending in seven days after the $76,000 price reduction five weeks after the $50,000 price reduction which was a month after this place was first listed for an eye-popping $825,000.

Where the heck do they think they are, Mountain View? Bunus: House is not actually next to Pizza Hut.

You can clearly see there is a Quik-Stop in the way. Be sure to check out the Streetview so you can appreciate this location, location, location!

June 12, 2012

Here’s a place in Mountain View that’s NOT PENDING YET. Yes, you could buy this home today (unless it goes pending at 8:01 AM, so why wait?) We had to work hard to find such a property, so you know this is a really Special find. Thanks very much to Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer for passing this one along.

So the home is close to restaurants and transportation, plus it has rental income, What’s not to like? Let’s ask PG:

Air National Guard recruitment office as a neighbor

By “neighbor” did you mean “same block” or did you mean “next door”?

Ah. The Thai Restaurant is pretty good, though. Good enough to guarantee overflow parking on both sides of Central. And if you’re feeling patriotic, the folks next door would love to have a word, anytime.

May 30, 2012

Burbed continues to look at the kind of houses that made this site what it is: crapboxes! Today we have a Guest Post from Burbed reader mabel du of a memorable manor in Mountain View! Please welcome mabel to the front page as today’s Guest Blogger!

Want to see your name in lights too? Submit your housing finds for us to dissect, or your full write-ups, to the email addresses in the top right corner.

Highly desirable Mountain View area within a couple of blocks of downtown with bountiful of good restaurants. Commerical residential zone. This site can be either one. Fixer upper. Could be a builder/investor’s dream place. Property to be sold in “as is condition”. Lots of potential!!! Easy access to highway 85 and freeway 101.

This crapshack wouldn’t take “no” for an answer a few years ago, so they raised the price $10k trying to win the housing (Facebook) lottery again. I guess they think the kids with new Facebook money will jump all over this place as a diamond in the rough (note to realtor: don’t hold yer breath).

This time, instead of sharing multi photos of Moffett Blvd, they’re just showing us the outside of the lil’ darling in a multi-use neighborhood. (Check out the satellite photo)

This entry must be Burbed-worthy, especially the 3rd time around. It looks like they’ve really spiffied-up the yard in the years since entry #1 graced yer lovely website; they must have raked the leaves at least once in the last 6 yrs.

Based on these front yard pix, i assume there’s a good sized corn mash still tucked away in the backyard. It’s like re-visiting my childhood trips thru Appalachia; and it’s right here in mountain view, but without the nauseating drive through the mountains in the back end suicide seats of a station wagon!

And I didn’t even include the actual trauma of being IN Appalachia for summers w/my dad’s family! That the old station wagon was probably circa 1965 with those back end suicide seats – no seat belts, who needs ’em!?! One good bump and all the kids would have been projectiles out the back window, which was already rolled down and sucking in additional exhaust fumes (no AC back in the dark ages). If you’re not old enough to remember ’em, you missed an era.

December 6, 2011

We’ve done with our whirlwind tour of the cheapest home in every Bay Area County (plus Santa Cruz). But what about our favorite cities? We can’t leave them without a big ol’ Burbed hug!

Go West, young man, west of San Jose over to the delightful city of Santa Clara! Don’t get lost, now, because when you go West in San Jose, that means taking 101 or 280 NORTH. But don’t actually go North. You’ll end up in Alviso, and we’re headed there another day.

Short Sale As Is with only one Lender. Nice floor plan with a large back yard. This charming home is a fixer upper, located in a central location of Santa Clara. Easy access to highways, Santa Clara University and within walking distance to the surrounding business places, shops & restaurants.

Don’t let that Pending status worry you, it’s Pending With Release! That means you can slip in a non-contingent offer, even better if it’s all-cash. But don’t plan on getting to see the inside until you take possession. Here’s another view courtesy of Google.

And when the agent said centrally located, she wasn’t kidding!

Sold for $474K in 2003, that’s $175K in instant equity waiting for you!

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The posts on this weblog are provided "AS IS" with no warranties, and confer no rights. The opinions expressed herein are my own personal opinions and only represent the view of Burbed.com's editor. Comments are the views of commenters, not Burbed. If companies, properties, etc are mentioned on this blog, you should assume that I have a financial stake in them. Trust no one.