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No one gets along with everyone all of the time. Difficult people are defined as those people who don’t, won’t or can’t get along with you, right? So really now, how much stress pressure does your not getting along with people put on your brain? In a New Insights survey, I asked people like you and me to tell me what’s the hardest part of a stress situation, such as a holiday or birthday. Do you feel bad when you don’t get along with the Scrooge or Grinch of a family member during an important celebration?

NEW INSIGHTS STRESSFUL FAMILY COMMUNICATION POLL

Let’s do it by the numbers. When expectations for happiness are high, disappointments are rarely low or slow to follow. Be it a holiday or other special occasion, such as a birthday or anniversary. Here’s what poll respondents voted, when asked: “What’s the hardest part about a special holiday marked in time for you?”

1. PEOPLE WHO DON’T GET ALONG ………………. 33.33%

2. TIME SQUEEZE ……………………….. 22.22%

3. FEELING DEPRESSED …… 16.67%

4. REMEMBERING LOST LOVED ONES …. 16.67%

5. MONEY ….. 11.11%

DIFFICULT AND ANNOYING PEOPLE WHO YOU LET DRIVE YOU UP A WALL (AND DOWN AGAIN) WITH YOUR ASCENDING CONSENT

Well, I guess we could make a number of errors in our interpretation of the data. For example, we could surmise that it’s difficult people who are in control of your mood during times of celebration. Is that really true…that your mood is owned by some energy vampire who feeds on the positive? Well, here are some ideas to chew on:

1. Normal people like you are prone to feeling down, blue, even depressed

2. You feel down when you fondly remember lost loved ones, such as a parent or sibling or grandparent

3. You feel bad when you aren’t able to get along with a living relative, leading to disappointing expectations

4. Whenever you feel disappointed, you “default” to feeling grumbling mad and pointing the finger of blame

5. The more vigorously and sweetly you point the finger of blame–the more nothing changes due to this “anger game”

6. Because “emotions communicate”…the resentment will be received instead of a compromise solution reached

7. Family are people who come alive during important times of transformation and change…making MANY mistakes of misplaced psychoanalytical critiques

8. Your depression is self-reinforced because you are remembering lost loved ones fondly…while not being able to get along with the people who are alive and we’re all supposed to get along with during high holy times

9. When you can’t get along despite your best attempts AND your time is being squeezed thin between your toes to boot…you will want to kick someone or grin and bear the stress, both of which will deepen your depression all the more

10. Then you won’t get along with yourself at all well and pretty much feel pretty miserable during one of the supposedly happiest times in your thank-full life

11. Being a grouch of a Grinch who stole your Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or New Year’s or Valentine’s Day or Independence Day results

HAVE MERCY ON MY PSYCHOLOGIST SOUL: BE IN YOUR LIFE — BE THE LEADER OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Life sucks pears most of the time, so why worry or feel completely bad about the irony of it all? There’s one person who needs your tender loving guidance completely–and that’s you. You don’t get along with yourself far more than you don’t get along with anyone else. Now that’s something to honorably feel depressed about and change!

ABOUT PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER, AUTHOR AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D. is no stranger to dealing with depression, stumbling over words trying to talk to a “difficult person,” high expectations exploding in the sky during important holidays, family losses, personal travesties and existential tragedies, wonders of work gone unnoticed, words of wonder openly heard and heeded…but most of all O’Grady is glad to be the father of three interesting daughters and a husband who is also the proud author of the new communications system that works when you use it four minutes daily, called “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Why suffer…that which you can change…such as getting along better with yourself when you’re not getting along so hot with others that you care for or love?

When expectations for happiness are high, disappointments are rarely low or slow to follow. “When life hands you lemonade, be glad you don’t suck.” You can get along better with yourself when you’re not getting along so hot with others that you desperately want to.

Yes, the perception of behaviors is often driven by the logic of emotions. The implication is that positive people aren’t aware of their own, or others, negative emotional states which can lead to dangerous optimism. I agree. I don’t believe that optimism is a superior mental state, although a positive attitude never killed anyone. Regarding the helicopter trainee, pilot or person to be rescued…a positive attitude may be difficult to muster during trying times but worth attempting anyway.

Yes, its fine with me to post my comments. I hope whichever commentary you decide to use inspires and empowers others to take control of their own lives and to stop relinquishing their control to others. I also look forward to keeping in contact with you.

Sincerely,
Val

Dear Val,

THANKS so much, Val. I SO appreciate your dialogue and inspiring comments. I hope my Web page continues to bring hope, healing light and courage in the face of fear and overwhelming odds to all who enter here.

My boss is bad news. His mouth says one thing…his actions show another thing. I shouldn’t have to tell you how to have a conversation with me. It’s like we talk on two different wavelengths or levels. My boss talks about the forest, I talk about the trees. Is this an E- vs. I-type difference?

If 90% of communication is non-verbal, why don’t people do a better job of picking up signals? So much of communication is twisted, or people act oblivious. I never say it, because people criticize me. Do I-types have unchangeable opinions? Do they never let you know you’re right? Do E-types then choose to be passive and not share their good ideas?

Things still go wrong, but it doesn’t bother me so much using your “Let’s Talk” approach in TTM. I prefer a leadership role that’s not in the front, anyway. I feel people are naturally motivated to work, now I realize that’s the Empathizer viewpoint. I think my job is to facilitate vs. supervise. I believe people and relationships are more important than tasks and organizations.

The National Marriage Encounter of Dayton was pleased to have you talk about how key skills of change-experts can be re-awakened in all of us, and how we can learn to deal with pressures that are used against us when we are successful. The skills we learned will change lives, to be sure!
B. Evenson National Marriage Encounter of Dayton

God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason! As a funeral director, I've found 70-75% of good communication is listening and then being responsive to what I've heard. I've benefited from your "Talk to Me" communication system. Perhaps next you should write, "Listen to Me!" Charles Anderson - Anderson Funeral Homes The Outlook Group - Franklin, Ohio