Paramilitary Policing Begins

Get ready for #OccupyChicago.

Fearing the rebellious peaceful hordes of Occupy, Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel has granted the city’s police force emergency purchasing power to suit-up for NATO and G8 meetings this May. Top of the list: 3000 new riot face shields worth $200,000. These face shields are said to be better than existing ones because they fit easier over top of gas masks and seal directly to the forehead of the helmet, preventing liquids from passing through.

“Rioters known to attend NATO and G8 meetings have been known to throw bags of urine and bags of feces at police. Chicago Police officers need a shield that can adapt to what is being thrown at them, ” Fraternal Order of Police President Mike Shields told the Chicago Sun Times.

In a city already strapped for cash for social programs, the move comes as a surprise to citizens and protestors alike.

To our knowledge, no protesters plan on bringing any kind of scatological materials to the demonstrations in May. Furthermore, while cursory searching found plenty of speculation, rumor and hyperbole about such instances, we have yet to find any actual hard evidence outside of commentary. To the contrary, a civil liberties advocate told an independent news website in December: “This is part of a spectrum of information war strategies that the state uses to repress dissent.”