WWE Extreme Rules Results (5/4) – Evolution vs. The Shield!

WWE Extreme Rules Pre-Show
The pre-show is now officially underway, featuring our panel consisting of Josh Mathews, Alex Riley, Booker T and Sheamus. The guys run down the key matches on tonight’s show, all-the-while we hear a very loud and passionate “Yes!” chant in the background from the New Jersey fans. Video packages are shown, the guys run down matches, we check in with Renee Young in the “social media lounge,” etc. The usual pre-show stuff. The first match, which will be the “WeeLC” match between El Torito and Hornswoggle, is coming up in just a minute or so. Now we hear a pretty loud “CM Punk” chant from the fans in the IZOD Center. Sounds like we’ve got ourselves a hot crowd so far.

WeeLC Match
- El Torito vs. Hornswoggle

The pre-show panel shoots off to the announce table where Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and JBL welcome us to the show. Seated in front of them, which Cole introduces, are a bunch of midgets doing special commentary. The ring announcer is a midget. The announcers (the normal crew) are already making a ton of puns and bad jokes. “I hope this is a short match,” etc. El Torito is introduced first and he comes out with his Los Matadores partners. The regular commentary team is interacting with the midget commentary team, and even the midget commentary team are making bad jokes. “I think that comment went over my head, King!” says one of the “little people” announcers. Now Hornswoggle is introduced and he comes out with his 3MB partners. It’s time for the very legendary, first-ever “WeeLC” match, ladies and gentlemen!

The bell rings, and our special midget referee makes this one official. Torito gets the early advantage. The regular and midget commentary team are talking back-and-forth, communicating with each other and also taking turns at calling the midget-action in the ring. They are making so many bad little-people style jokes already that it’s impossible to keep count. We already have our first mini-foreign object, as a small chair is brought into the ring.

Jinder Mahal is mixed into the action now, taking gores in the nuts, etc. The announcers make jokes about Mahal’s height, saying he’s almost short enough to be a part of this match. A mini ladder is brought into the ring. The midget throws it out of the ring. He gets another ladder, which is still small, but a tad-bit larger than the previous Hornswoggle goes to the top of the ladder and poses, giving off the impression that “I’m gonna do it fans! I’m gonna risk my life and jump off of this — two foot tall — ladder!” In all honesty, this is actually very entertaining. It’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect, by the way. We head to a mid-match commercial.

When we return from commercial, 3MB and Los Matadores are shown fighting in the aisle. We see some highlights of some “mini-high spots” that took place during the commercial. The announcers continue firing off bad midget-jokes as the action between the key principles continues inside the ring. Hornswoggle hits RVD’s “Rolling Thunder” move for a near fall. Hornswoggle clears off the midget announce table, which is obviously a smaller version of a regular announce table. The announcers are putting this over like the most dangerous thing ever. Horny jumps off the apron and splashes onto Torito through the table.

Following the mini-table spot, the New Jersey fans break out in a “this is awesome” chant. The action returns to the ring, where 3MB and Horny are standing around as Torito is laid out. Horny blasts him with the mini-chair. Horny goes to hit Torito, who is being held by Heath Slater on the apron, with a mini-chair, but Torito moves. This leads to Horny accidentally hitting Slater, knocking him off the apron and crashing through a couple of real-sized tables on the floor. Seconds later, another big table spot happens with Los Matadores and Torito crashing through regular sized tables on the opposite side of the floor outside the ring. About a minute later, Torito puts Horny through a table in the ring. 1-2-3. El Torito wins the first-ever “WeeLC” match. Really fun stuff.

Winner: El Torito

WWE Extreme Rules 2014
After the “WeeLC” match some more highlights and video packages are shown, as well as a quick backstage promo from Zeb Colter. He didn’t really say anything of note. Basic stuff, ending with his “we the people” catchphrase. Ladies and gentlemen, the 2014 edition of WWE Extreme Rules is officially underway. The typical kick-ass video package airs to open the show, and then we shoot live into the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

After a quick glimpse inside the IZOD Center, we immediately hear Rob Van Dam’s theme music. RVD makes his way to the ring as Michael Cole formally welcomes us to WWE Extreme Rules. After that, Jack Swagger, accompanied as usual by Zeb Colter, makes his way to the ring. As they make their way to the ring, highlights are shown of what transpired throughout the past few weeks with all three of these guys.

Then, we hear Paul Heyman’s voice. He brags a bunch and then talks about how Extreme Rules is the one night a year “WWE gets it right.” He continues putting over extreme stuff, alluding to ECW to get some cheers and then quickly swerves and starts talking about how his client — Brock Lesnar — conquered the streak. He then introduces his new client, whom he calls the new “King of Extreme,” Cesaro. Cesaro’s annoying theme music hits and he makes his way to the ring. Our first pay-per-view match is now officially underway, folks!

All three guys brawl early to kick this one off. When the smoke clears, Van Dam is the guy in control of the offense early on. Van Dam hits a bunch of his trademark moves and spots until Cesaro finally catches him and muscles him up and slams him down. Cesaro powerbombs Van Dam on the floor to slow down his momentum. The fans have been chanting “RVD” quite a bit so far, by the way.

Swagger gains the upper-hand offensively and is dominating both guys for a minute or so. Cesaro ends up catching Swagger’s legs. Cesaro does the Cesaro-Swing to Swagger. The fans count along with each swing, but Cesaro is eventually cut-off by a big kick from Van Dam. The fans boo Van Dam for interupting the swing.

Van Dam comes off the top-rope, however he is caught by the foot by Swagger and is locked up in the Patriot Lock. Cesaro ends up breaking that up. Cesaro ends up hitting a superplex on Swagger off the top-rope. Van Dam immediately hits a Five Star Frogsplash as soon as Swagger landed. Van Dam covers him and 1-2-3. There’s some confusion in the building, as fans didn’t seem to realize this is an elimination match. Eventually, Lilian Garcia gets on the house mic and announces that Jack Swagger has been eliminated.

Cesaro and Van Dam lock horns and now the two crowd-favorites are battling it out. Cesaro does one of his pure-muscle slams on Van Dam, picking him up without any help of Van Dam assisting him with his own momentum. The fans break out in a “Ce-sar-o” chant, so it seems — for now at least — that they are routing for Cesaro to get the “W” in this one.

Van Dam regains the offensive upper-hand again, and is doing his typical RVD moves in sequence, basically the same stuff we’ve seen him do for years. We get a shot of Heyman freaking out on the floor, shouting to Cesaro that “this is what I told you about this guy!” Meanwhile, Van Dam pulls a trash can out from under the ring. Cesaro ends up baseball-sliding it into RVD’s face before he can take it into the ring.

The action resumes in the ring, where Cesaro now has the trash can. Van Dam rolls Cesaro up for a pin attempt, using only his legs. Van Dam puts the now crushed trash can on top of Cesaro and climbs to the top-rope. Van Dam goes for the Five Star Frogsplash, but Cesaro moves. Cesaro hits his Neutralizer finisher on Van Dam onto the trash can. 1-2-3. Cesaro wins.

Backstage, we see a doctor checking on Daniel Bryan’s condition. Stephanie McMahon walks in with her serious/sad face. She basically warns Bryan that she can’t control Kane now that he’s under the mask again, and now that he’s the “monster” again. Stephanie tells Bryan he doesn’t have to compete tonight if he doesn’t want to. She says he can officially surrender the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Daniel Bryan tells Stephanie to “get out of my face.” He says he’s walking in as the champ tonight, and somehow he’ll find a way to walk out the same. Steph says he may not even be walking out tonight, and furthermore, he’s going to end up as “Kane’s bitch.” She walks off as the fans in the arena gasp.

“The Ravishing Russian” is introduced. Lana says she and Rusev are dedicating tonight’s match to the President of Russia, Vladimir Putin. After that, she introduces Rusev. “The Bulgarian Brute” makes his way to the ring. Out next, rapping the entire time, is the duo of R-Truth and Xavier Woods. Truth dedicates the match to the United States of America.

Woods runs to the ring and Rusev immediately floors him with a big boot to the face. The action spills out to the floor, where Rusev is now dominating Truth as well. Rusev hits a big throwing back-suplex on Woods on the floor. Back in the ring, Truth is standing alone. The bell rings and our “handicap match” is now officially underway.

Rusev is dominating, exactly as you would expect, so far in this match. Truth finally gets some offense in. He can’t get him off his feet until he finally drops him with a missile dropkick. Truth is actually getting in a considerable amount of offense at this point. We see a shot of doctors attending to Woods outside the ring.

As “The Bulgarian Brute” and “The Ravishing Russian” were heading up the aisle, Lana orders Rusev to crush him some more. Rusev attacks Truth, hitting a big fall-away slam on him on the floor. His music hits again and finally he and Lana make their way to the back.

Lilian Garcia Promotes The Special Olympics

After a quick commercial, Lilian Garcia talks about the Special Olympics, which WWE is a proud sponsor of, and which will be held in New Jersey as well. She points out some Special Olympics athletes at ringside.

Backstage: Renee Young Interviews Evolution

Backstage, Renee Young is with all three members of Evolution. Triple H starts off the promo. He addresses Evolution’s egos and how The Shield said it will be their downfall. HHH puts over Batista, Randy Orton and then himself. Randy Orton follows up by guaranteeing that The Shield will perish tonight. He closes by saying, “you can believe in that.” All three touch hands like The Shield and that ends the backstage segment.

After the backstage segment, Bad News Barrett’s music hits and 15,000 or so WWE fans in New Jersey absolutely explode. Barrett cuts a promo on his way to the ring, of course informing everyone that he’s “got some bad news.” After his promo, we see some highlights of the Intercontinental Championship contender tournament and everything that went down to get Barrett to this point tonight. Finally, the WWE I-C champ’s music hits and Big E. makes his way to the ring.

It’s back-and-forth action early on until Big E. finally establishes the upper-hand in the offense. The I-C champ hits a belly-to-belly slam and a clothesline. He goes for a suplex on the apron but Barrett decks him. Big E. turns around and spears him off of the apron onto the floor. He rolls Barrett back in the ring, but Barrett comes out of nowhere and hits his Winds of Change semi-finisher for a near fall. Barrett connects with his Wasteland semi-finisher and then sets Big E. up for the Bad News Bull Hammer Elbow.

Barrett goes for the Bad News Bull Hammer Elbow, but Big E. avoids it and floors Barrett. Big E. is firing up now, as he pulls down the straps. He whips Barrett into the ropes, but Barrett ducks, hits the opposite ropes and comes flying off with a successful Bad News Bull Hammer Elbow. He immediately covers the champ — 1-2-3. We have a new WWE Intercontinental Champion, folks!

Winner and NEW WWE Intercontinental Champion: Bad News Barrett

Faction vs. Faction
- Evolution vs. The Shield

The video package is shown to tell everyone the story behind the Evolution vs. The Shield feud. After the video package, Evolution’s theme music hits and out walks Triple H, Batista and Randy Orton. As all three Evolution members stretch and prepare in the ring, a loud “Shield, Shield, Shield” chant breaks out. Several seconds goes by without The Shield’s theme music ever hitting the loud speakers. Finally, after a solid 20 seconds or so, their music finally does hit. Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins make their way to the ring through the crowd.

The bell rings and here we go. This has a good feel to it already. All three members of The Shield beat down all three members of Evolution, dumping each of them outside of the ring straight out of the gate. When the smoke clears, Triple H and Seth Rollins are in the ring, and within seconds HHH is in control. HHH and Orton take turns beating on Rollins. Batista, who has sorta-kinda new ring gear, is finally tagged in, and he picks up where his fellow Evolution buddies left off. He dominates Rollins for just a minute or two and then tags “The Viper” back into the match.

Rollins takes a couple more minutes of punishment and then finally makes the hot-tag to Dean Ambrose. The reigning WWE United States Champion hits the ring and is beating down anything that moves. Eventually, after some interferenfce, Orton locks Ambrose in the figure-four leg lock to slow down his momentum. Roman Reigns finally hits the ring to break things up. Reigns is outside the ring now with Batista, which is what the camera is focusing on at the moment, and we see Reigns manhandling “The Animal.” He slams him around with ease and then hits a vicious spear on Batista into the barricade.

Meanwhile, back in the ring, behind the referee’s back, Ambrose is getting double-teamed by two and three members of Evolution. A loud “Boo-tista” chant breaks out as “The Animal” continues to keep the offensive pressure on Ambrose. Evolution start utilizing quick-tags to keep fresh guys on Ambrose.

The three Evoution members keep taking turns tagging each other in to keep fresh guys on top of Ambrose. A pattern is forming where every single time Batista gets tagged in, the fans absolutely explode with a “Boo-tista” chant or just straight boo’s. As “The Animal” went to work on Ambrose this particular time, a loud “you can’t wrestle” chant immediately spread throughout the arena. Batista quickly tagged back out.

The match started off with Rollins stuck in the ring selling to all three members of Evolution, one at a time, before finally making the tag to Ambrose, who had all of a minute of offense, before the same thing happened to him. After several minutes of Ambrose being dominated by all three members of Evolution, each utilizing quick-tags, finally — finally, Roman Reigns gets the hot-tag.

Reigns takes the tag and now The Shield are having their first true offensive burst in this match. Reigns is spearing anything that moves. He’s blasting fools with wicked Superman punches. He’s dominating the hell out of any-and-everything that moves inside the 20 x 20 squared circle. The fans break out in a “Roman Reigns” chant. After a bunch of interference, Evolution finally manages to slow down Reigns’ momentum.

After some sneak-attacks and double-and-triple team spots, Reigns is on his back. Triple H blasts him with a Pedigree. Now Orton blasts him with an RKO. Batista crawls over to pin him, but Rollins manages to make the save. The action spills out to the floor. A loud “this is awesome” chant breaks out. There are bodies everywhere. There’s a member of each faction battling against one-another in different spots throughout the arena. All six guys are spread around in the crowd in pairs, with a member of The Shield and a member of Evolution fighting at all the various parts of the arena.

The cameras follow two pairs of guys on opposite ends of the arena — still in the crowd — while we get a shot to let us know that two of the guys are laid out in the ring. Some of the guys are way up near the top of the arena now. HHH and Orton end up together and are working over Ambrose in the crowd in a two-on-one scenario. Out of nowhere, Seth Rollins comes flying into the camera-shot, taking out both HHH and Orton. The fans explode with “holy shit” chants.

Now the camera focuses on Roman Reigns and Batista inside the ring. They finally get to their feet and Batista spears Reigns. The fans boo like crazy. Batista misses another attempted move and Reigns follows up with his Superman punch. Reigns squats in the corner and waits for “The Animal” to get up. When he finally does, Reigns greets him with an enormous spear. He covers him — 1-2-3. Roman Reigns scores the pin and The Shield gets the victory.

The video package airs showcasing the build-up to tonight’s steel cage match between the leader of The Wyatt Family and the leader of the Ce-Nation. After the video package, John Cena’s theme music hits. The fans completely erupt with boo’s. Usually I’ll reference a loud “mixed-bag” reaction for Cena’s entrances, especially at big shows. Not tonight, folks! This arena just boo’d the living hell out of Cena. After Cena’s entrance, The Wyatt Family’s theme music hits and the fans explode with cheers. The Wyatt Family makes their way to the ring and we’re now just moments away from our steel cage match.

Bray Wyatt is hesitant to get into the cage. We see John Cena testing the durability of the cage inside the ring. A loud “Cena sucks” chant breaks out. Finally, the leader of The Wyatt Family enters the ring and the bell sounds. Our steel cage match is officially underway. Michael Cole explains the rules of a steel cage match as the noise in the arena picks up as Wyatt and Cena close in on each other.

The action begins and with a simple headlock from Cena, the fans boo the crap out of him. With a simple shoulder-block by Wyatt, the fans erupt with cheers. Looks like we’re going to have an extremely (no pun intended) hot crowd for Wyatt, and an extremely (again, zero pun intended) anti-Cena crowd. A loud “let’s go Wyatt” chant breaks out as Bray gets the early advantage in this one.

The fans are literally boo’ing everything that Cena does offensively and are cheering anything Wyatt does offensively. You have to assume they’ll settle down at some point, but at three minutes into this match, they are still very loud and passionate with their pro-Wyatt and anti-Cena chants.

Cena suplexes Bray and climbs the cage, but Harper and Rowan cut him off so Cena drops back down and Bray clotheslines him. Bray elbows him and throws him facefirst into the cage, then he holds Cena against the cage and Rowan rams him with his shoulder from the outside. Bray gets the crowd to sing with him as he clotheslines Cena on the apron, then he goes for the cage door but Cena cuts him off and slingshots him into the cage wall.

As the match continues, we see consistent examples of Cena trying to escape the cage but Erick Rowan and Luke Harper stop him from outside of the ring. Eventually, Rowan and Harper get physically involved, climbing the cage and fighting Cena on top of the cage, etc. Cena ends up slamming Harper off the top of the cage into the ring, so now he’s locked in a cage with Harper and Wyatt.

Wyatt goes for Sister Abigail, but Cena avoids it and counters him into the STF. Wyatt crawls towards the door where Rowan helps him escape. Now Harper is back up and he helps Wyatt gain the upper-hand over Cena in the ring. Wyatt begins to climb up the cage, looking to escape, but Cena ends up stopping him and nailing him with a huge Attitude Adjustment off the middle-rope. Cena goes for the pin but Harper, who’s still locked inside the cage with these two, breaks up the fall.

Cena goes to climb the cage and escape, but Rowan climbs up the cage from outside the ring and stops him. Cena bashes Rowan’s head off the top of the cage and then turns his attention back to the ring. He turns around and nails Wyatt with a huge top-rope legdrop. Cena goes to escape through the cage door and then The Wyatt Family cut-in happens. When the lights come back on, Cena sees a little kid singing “he’s got the whole world in his hands,” only the kid had a deep, monster-sounding voice due to an effect on the microphone. Cena turns around and walks right into Sister Abigail from Wyatt. Wyatt escapes the cage and wins.

After a quick check-in with the pre-show panel, Tamina Snuka’s music hits. Snuka makes her way to the ring as Michael Cole promotes WWE Slam City. Out next is the WWE Divas Champion Paige. Our second-to-last match of the evening is just moments away.

The bell rings and here we go with Divas Championship action. Paige is utilizing her speed and quickness to gain the offensive edge over the larger challenger early on. JBL informs us that Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka is backstage at the show tonight to watch his daughter Tamina hopefully win the Divas Championship.

Eventually Tamina’s size and strength is too much for the Divas Champion to handle, as she takes over the offensive momentum in this title bout. The action spills out to the floor where Tamina delivers more punishment to the champ. Back in the ring, Tamina continues her assault on the England native. The crowd, by the way, which has been electric all night long, is absolutely dead for this one.

Paige ends up hitting one of her finishers (I believe) and the referee goes for the count. He actually hit his hand on the mat three times, but that wasn’t the finish. The announcers try covering for him by saying that the ref did make a three-count, but Tamina just happened to kick out before the third time his hand hit the mat. Whoops! Tamina goes for the superkick, but Paige avoids it and counters it into her Paige-turner submission hold. Tamina immediately taps out.

Winner and STILL WWE Divas Champion: Paige

Backstage: The Wyatt Family & “Little Johnny”

Backstage, we see Erick Rowan and Luke Harper with “Little Johnny,” as Bray Wyatt (off-camera, at first) refers to him as. He says “Little Johnny” did good tonight. In his weird-ass way of telling a story, Bray basically explains that much like “Little Johnny,” other kids are going to end up following the buzzards as well. The kid is shown wearing an Erick Rowan-style sheep mask.

The video package for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match between the leader of the “Yes! Movement” and “The Devil’s Favorite Demon” airs, highlighting the history of the recent Daniel Bryan and Kane feud, complete with a ton of annoying sound-bytes of Stephanie McMahon screeching and screaming in promos throughout the past few weeks.

After the video package concludes, Daniel Bryan’s music hits and the WWE World Heavyweight Champion “Yes!” chants his way down to the ring as an entire arena full of people chant along with him. This is definitely a Daniel Bryan crowd folks, as we see a wide-shot of the entire building all throwing their hands up at approximately the same time, chanting “Yes!” together with the champ. After D-Bry’s entrance, the fire pyro explodes and out walks Kane.

Kane doesn’t make it to the ring, as he and Bryan brawl immediately in the aisle and Kane instantly gains the upper-hand. Kane blasts Bryan with some foreign objects and then throws him back into the ring.

The action doesn’t stay in the ring long, as after a brief flurry of quick offense from Bryan, Kane takes over again and brings the fight back outside of the ring on the floor. Kane beats down Bryan some more and then the action resumes inside the ring.

There’s a kendo stick and a steel chair in the ring now, as the foreign objects start to pile up in this “extreme rules match.” Kane slams Bryan on an opened up chair for a near fall.

The two brawl all over the place, eventually heading out to the back. Bryan gets bashed into a car. He ends up ducking and Kane puts his hand through a car window. Bryan grabs a tire iron from the trunk of another car. When Kane turns around, Bryan blasts him with it.

Bryan and Kane continue fighting all over the backstage area, ultimately leading to a spot where Bryan lays Kane out on a forklift. He drives the forklift back into the arena and down to ringside. He raises it and dumps Kane into the ring. The fans boo, expecting a spot up there. Bryan, never one to displease, climbs up the vehicle and does a huge dive off the top of it and blasts Kane with a super-flying headbutt for a close near fall.

The two battle back-and-forth in the ring for a bit, leading to a spot where Bryan secures the “Yes! Lock” on Kane, but doing so with a kendo stick. Kane eventually escapes. Bryan knocks Kane out to the floor. Bryan goes for his trademark running-dive through the ropes, but Kane catches him coming down and chokeslams him with a vengeance through the announce table.

Kane goes under the ring and grabs a table. He opens it up and sets it up outside the ring. However, he’s not done. He grabs gasoline and covers the table in it. He lights the table on fire as the crowd goes ballistic. Bryan ends up knocking Kane into — and through — the table. It looked like Kane was actually on fire for a second or two after going through the table, and ringside staff ended up having to use a fire extinguisher on him for several seconds. He gets back in the ring, running directly into a flying knee from Daniel Bryan. 1-2-3. Bryan retains.