Here’s How You Know You’re Not Ready For A Serious Relationship

Just because you’ve decided you want a relationship doesn’t mean you should actually be in a relationship. If any of these things are true for you, you should probably stay single for at least a little while longer:

You’re not over your ex yet. “Rebounding” with a hookup is one thing, but getting into a legitimate relationship when you’re still emotionally invested in someone else is harmful to both you and your potential new partner. Relationships require you to give your heart to one person, and if you’re instead torn between two people, it’s never going to end well.

You’re not sure where you’ll be in a year. Life has plans of its own, and we don’t always end up where we think we will. But if you know for a fact that you’re in a period of transition — whether in your career, education, or actual location — you should probably hold off on getting into a legitimate relationship until you’re a little more settled. Otherwise, you could be putting yourself in a tough spot when you have to choose between your partner and the future plans you made when you were single.

You don’t even have time for yourself.If work, hobbies, and other life obligations have you so busy that you can’t set aside an hour or two to relax every day, you don’t have time for a girlfriend. A serious partner requires time and attention, and if you can’t give that to yourself, you won’t be able to give it to someone else.

You still want to hook up with other people. Don’t be that guy who wants to have his cake and eat it, too. The emotional support and regular sex that comes with a relationship is great, but if you still have that itch to mess around with someone new every weekend, that needs to go away before you start thinking about commitment. Otherwise, resentment or betrayal could be in your future

Your house is always messy. Plenty of messy people are in loving relationships, but really, you should prove that you can take care of your own living space before you invite another person to share your life. Your house doesn’t have to be spotless, but if you’re leaving dirty dishes on the counter for days at a time or you can’t be bothered to sweep the floor, you should focus on getting your shit together before taking on the responsibilities of a romantic relationship.

You don’t know what your standards are. What are you even looking for in a partner? If you just want a relationship because hey, why not, then you still have some work to do before you actually start seriously dating someone. Figure out what you want in a partner and what you won’t settle for, and then find someone who has the qualities you’re looking for.

You flip-flop between wanting to be single or not. If you want to find the love of your life one day, then decide you actually hate the idea of commitment the next day, you’re better off flying solo a while longer. The last thing you want to do to yourself (and to a well-intentioned woman) is jump into a relationship, then decide two weeks later that you’re not ready for something so serious yet.

You want to be selfish a while longer. Relationships require selflessness by default, and while it’s normal and healthy to be a bit selfish while you’re single, you need to seriously consider if you’re ready to give that up in order to find true love. If you want steady companionship, but also want to do whatever you want whenever you want, stay away from the idea of a relationship until you get that desire out of your system.

You’re still crushing on someone you can’t have. Never, ever settle in relationships. Don’t try to actively pursue someone just because your number-one choice isn’t interested or is currently in a relationship of her own. It’s not fair to her, and you’ll end up miserable in the long run when you resent her for not being the person you really wanted to be with.

You really, really, really want to be in a relationship. If you’re desperate to be in a relationship, you probably shouldn’t be in one. Making the search for companionship your one true mission might seem like it’s a good idea if you want to find the right person, but all it’s really going to do is convince you to settle for someone just because you’re lonely. Wait until you find a person you want to date rather than just falling in love with the idea of love.