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Nicky Paris Explains Why He Loves Justin Bieber & Taco Bell

Between working a day job, performing at night, and always making people laugh, Nicky Paris knows a thing or two about managing to stay sane among life’s daily stresses. When you add the 2015 dating landscape into the mix, it becomes a whole different level of insanity.

An NYC stand up comedian, Nicky Paris performs stand-up in a variety of New York clubs including The Broadway Comedy Club, has his own YouTube channel, and has worked with Elite Daily, MTV, Huffington Post, and many more media outlets. We spoke to him about sex, dating, and donut blowjobs. We also scored an exclusive video from Nicky on how to do you in 2016:

What’s the funniest pickup line you’ve ever gotten on Grindr?

Someone told me they wanted to eat an ice cream sundae out of my ass once. I thought that was weird. Can’t we work on eating healthier in this country? Why not frozen yogurt? Be a better you.

I would never seek revenge on Justin Bieber, he’s a tattooed angel and I adore him… but my feelings are really, really hurt. I take everything personally. C’mon Justin, meeting people who paid $2,000 a ticket to meet you makes you depressed? You don’t know what I would do if people would pay $200 a ticket to come see me, but here’s a hint: it involves chocolate syrup and Motel 6.

How would you slide into Justin Bieber’s DMs?

I would slide into Justin’s DMs by telling him I’m his true soul mate and to forget about Selena Gomez. She’s not the only one who can make a quesadilla.

Tell us about the worst date you’ve ever been on?

Let’s go through my Rolodex of why I cry myself to sleep at night… I went on a date with one guy who told me about how he trains horses and it was all he wanted to talk about the entire dinner. I was like, “I hate horses, can we talk about something else? I stand by that, after Christopher Reeves I don’t think horses can be trusted.” He didn’t find that as funny as I did. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, he tried to take me to his barn after dinner. I’m wearing Gucci shoes, take me home.What’s the worst thing about being single and queer in 2016? The best?

I think the last time someone used the word queer Abraham Lincoln was running for office. Being gay sucks. I don’t know, it’s a hard life. I think anyone who thinks it’s a choice to be gay is an idiot. Do you think I want to know the choreography to “Toxic” by heart? Do you think I wanted to see Wicked on Broadway seven times? No, my heart did. I’ve never really been embraced by gay culture, and as a comedian they’re usually the audience I struggle with the most. 99% of my friends are straight, I identify with straight people much more than gay people.

We see that you’re a fan of donuts, we are too. Have you ever heard of a donut blowjob? What do you think of them?

Sweet Jesus, who think of this shit?! I am probably the most boring, vanilla person sexually so I judge hard on stuff like this. You want to know how I’d be into this? Get rid of the dick, keep the donut. I’d be more satisfied.How does being a comedian affect your love life?

My schedule is really, really tight, now more than ever, so I don’t date a lot. But when I do, I try and keep it a secret that I’m a comedian for as long as I can. I don’t want people to know and to look or treat me differently. I want a clean slate, you know? It scares people away. It would scare me away, that’s for sure. This is such a crazy business and very few people will want to be by your side with you for every up and down. If you find someone who will, never let them go. Being a comedian means you have a dualism of being exceptionally strong and just as exceptionally weak. I think I’m meant to be alone. I’m a lot to handle and a very complex person.

If I got taken on a date by someone who knows how much I love Taco Bell, I would think it was really really sweet and thoughtful and romantic. Taco Bell is my shit and one of my favorite places to eat and it feels really cool that the brand has embraced me as a comedian and invited me to so many of their events. I would think that’s really romantic because Taco Bell means more to me than someone else.

If we asked your ex to tell us about you, what would he say?

Something terrible, I’m sure.

The exclusive photos for Galore were shot by photographer Dee Guerreros. Guerroros’ work has been exhibited at MILK Studios in New York and Los Angeles. Guerreros has also documented shows at New York Fashion Week for Carmen Marc Valvo, Zang Toi, Charlotte Ronson, Refinery 29, The Huffington Post, Rolling Stone, MTV, Elle, Comedy Central and more.

About The Author: Ashley Uzer

Ashley Uzer is an East Coast girl who dreams of fried chicken and an endless supply of stilettos. Follow Ashley on Instagram and Twitter.

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