How TV can get you in trouble

Flipping channels yesterday afternoon, Paul happened upon America’s Test Kitchen. (It was on our local PBS station, but the web site is very commercial.) They were making a German chocolate cake, which happens to be Paul’s favorite food. Well, his favorite after meat loaf, taco salad, chicken wings, corn, Neapolitan ice cream, macaroni salad, hamburgers, and ketchup.

Most cooking shows I watch, and it goes in one ear & out the other. This one was riveting, though. They explained the science of creaming butter, for example (my Christmas cookies will be SO much better this year!). And they’ve authoritatively proven that bittersweet chocolate makes a better-tasting cake than German chocolate. Who knew?

Hey, I thought, I’ve got all the ingredients right in my kitchen. I printed out the recipe… oops, I’ve got sort-of the right ingredients: sweetened condensed milk instead of evaporated, baking chocolate instead of bittersweet, natural cocoa instead of Dutch processed, walnuts instead of pecans, and only salted butter. So at 3 pm I hit the grocery store.

By 8:30 pm, we had this. Believe it or not, we haven’t tasted it yet. Since the Bills game was on, we had beer and chili, which filled us up too much for cake.

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If I ruled the world:

1. You’d always have room for dessert (and it would have no calories, if you’d eaten a balanced meal first).

2. TV cooks would have to spend a proportionate amount of air time washing dishes.

3. Cat puke, upon exiting the cat, would evaporate instantly – leaving no stain or odors. Actually, this would apply to all puke.

4. Fibercrafts would be as restful and refreshing as a good night’s sleep, and could replace same.

5. Laundry would be done by a single machine – which would gather, sort, wash, dry, fold and put away, all automatically.

6. Complaining about anything for more than 60 seconds would generate enough static electricity that the complainer, and anyone within spitting distance of him/her, would get a sharp shock. (This would only apply to useless bitching. Problem-solving can sound like complaining, but would generate an intense feeling of well-being instead of a shock.)

7. People who passed a “Road Work Ahead – Merge Left” sign, whilst driving in the about-to-be-closed lane, would be forced to wait until ALL the traffic had cleared from the through lane before they could proceed. No budging.