A fast paced, character driven comedy screenplay which challenges the survival of modern relationships through a gauntlet of language barrier mishaps, role reversals and a daunting prospective mother-in-law

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Angelika, you were big Schlampe. Every time I introduced a boy, you took him from me.

ANGELIQUE
You had the best boys. But nobody was good enough for you.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Everybody was good enough for you. You slept with every boyfriend I had, except Hans. Hans was good to me.

ANGELIQUE
I must tell you something about Hans and me.

Frau Knobloch shoots an angry look.

ANGELIQUE
Anyway, you got Gustav, the best man ever.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
But he die.

ANGELIQUE
Besides that, you always had it perfect.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Angelika, I had so much fear that I fail. I work hard at university, at job, just work. No seeing the world. Then Jutta come, no more chance for fun. Und alone, always alone. You think that easy? I am jealous of you.

BOB
My parents let me do anything. You can’t learn unless you’re confronted with your mistakes. I do well in a hostile environment where you get your head bit off at the slightest misstep. You’re really good at that.
Jutta’s phone rings. She turns it off without diverting her attention from Bob.

BARTENDER
OK, one more, but then I gotta’ cut you off. Oh, looks like the show’s starting. JR’s up first.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
JR?

ANGELIQUE
JR?

Bartender serves two more drinks. Frau Knobloch and Angelique become increasingly drunk.The theme song to “Dallas” starts to play. Frau Knobloch and Angelique have their own personal religious experiences when they hear it. JR, a striptease version of the character from “Dallas,” enters, poses, dances.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
JR!

ANGELIQUE
JR!

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Shhhhhhhhh!

ANGELIQUE
Shhhhhhhhh!

Angelique waves to JR, eliciting an angry look from Frau Knobloch.Frau Knobloch tries to catch JR’s eye by drinking her JR’s Special seductively and posing. Angelique tries to catch up by downing her drink and licking her lips. Frau Knobloch finishes her drink and pours ice into her cleavage.

ANGELIQUE
We play fair, right?

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Ja, OK. You too.

JR does a particularly sexy move. Angelique shrieks and runs for him. Frau Knobloch stops her. JR throws a small piece of clothing to the audience. Frau Knobloch runs for it, pushing several men out of the way.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
I got it!!!

JR dances on the bar. Man in Drag Three tucks a bill into JR’s pants. Angelique hits him with her purse. Man in Drag Four starts feeling JR up. Frau Knobloch shoves him. In the meantime, Angelique climbs on the bar. Frau Knobloch becomes infuriated and climbs on the bar on JR’s other side.

Bartender climbs on the bar and tries to stop Angelique, who accidentally backhands her in the face. Man in Drag Five tries to stop Frau Knobloch who wrestles with him, causes his wig to come off in her hand. She screams, then punches him.

JR
Security!!!

In the midst of their tug-a-war, they accidentally knock JR off the bar, and a candle falls over. JR is unconscious.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

INT. - GAY BAR - NIGHTGay bar filled with drag queens. Rainbow flags, a sign “Drag Night at Dallas Bar” and many candles adorn. The BARTENDER is a very butch woman. Frau Knobloch and Angelique enter with great excitement, glammed up to the hilt, including wigs.

ANGELIQUE
So, this is JR’s place?

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Be careful of the Amis - very superficial. Always say nice thing, but just want something.

ANGELIQUE
You remember our deal. We watch JR’s show, but we not talk with him. He choose.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Ja, ja. But you too.

BARTENDER
Wow, you two really outdid yourselves. I would have sworn you were real women if it weren’t for all the glitz.
(to Angelique)
Only a drag queen would wear that much make-up.

ANGELIQUE
(to Frau Knobloch, proud)
He called me a queen.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
You are so naive! Fooled by superficial compliment.
(to Bartender)
I am a queen too!

ANGELIQUE
(flirting with Bartender)
And where are all the men? You seem to be the only man here.

BARTENDER
Thanks. But actually I consider myself a boi, B-O-I, boi.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
(to Angelique)
Why he think we know not how to spell?
(to Bartender)
I know that. B-O-I.

BARTENDER
So what are you girls drinking?

ANGELIQUE
Girls! I have a beer.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
No, no beer! You know what the Amis put in beer?

ANGELIQUE
Don’t tell me what to do!

FRAU KNOBLOCH
OK, have a beer.

BARTENDER
How about tonight’s special - JR’s Favorite?

FRAU KNOBLOCHJa!

ANGELIQUE
Yes!

BARTENDER
Kinda’ like a Long Island Iced Tea.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Tea?

ANGELIQUE
Add schnapps to mine.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Mine too.

BARTENDER
You sure?

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Ja!

ANGELIQUE
Yes! . . . The women here are not so attractive. Not much competition.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Ja, but really ugly. I never see so hideous women.

ANGELIQUE
That one is so ugly, she look like a man.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Wait! What kind of place is this? Normal women are not so ugly . . . I think they are French.