what we don’t know

I posted this on an old personal blog on June 17th. Decided to post it here as well. Just some random thoughts.

∞∞∞∞

I woke up this morning thinking about how strange a thing this life is.

I tossed and turned most of the night. Had strange dreams about sexuality and revolution, and what it meant to be free. I saw myself living in a different world where the notions of time and space don’t apply. Race and sex didn’t matter. To be young or old didn’t change the dynamics of what we could know about the world and how we could know it. In my dreams, everything became one. Judgment, bias, prejudice, racism, sexism, agism all disappeared and served no purpose in the formless place where only we existed—just the self without ego. Us, together, as one, in peace.

I look back on that dream and realize that no matter what we think we know, what we believe or how much knowledge we believe we have, in truth, we know nothing about our existence. Everything we claim to know, believe or have faith in is all wishful. It won’t change the truth of what will be when we leave this place. In the great beyond, all beliefs cease. That place, whether with or without sentience, will be what it is. We spend our whole lives arguing over what happens after we die. We follow religion after religion. We become atheist, agnostic, and any other names we create for what we believe happens at earthly death or transition. But when it all boils down to it, no one, not even the atheist, knows what will be. This is an unwavering truth that if accepted, could be a stepping stone toward peace and acceptance of all peoples on earth. Because we would all realize that we are in the same boat. Our inflated ego can’t create truth. Our religious beliefs won’t create truth. Our atheistic beliefs won’t create truth. Our scientific beliefs won’t create truth. The truth exists outside of us. Even if, as some believe, truth is created by us, that is still an unknown we won’t discover until we leave here. Therefore, we are again thrust back into being humbled by the unknown.

This place of not knowing makes many people extremely uncomfortable. It is why we believe. Even more, it is why we believe that we should believe. We need something to make us feel comfortable that our existence isn’t for nothing. I’m not saying it is for nothing, I’m simply saying that we don’t know what it is for. And that’s ok, albeit discomforting at times. As I let go of an egotistical existence, the discomfort lessens. It becomes alright not to know. It actually opens the door to discovery to live without a mind filled with too many preconceived notions about our existence. I find that I learn more and am able to realize small truths daily. Living in the now is what opens the window to the future.

I’m still working on me, and the mind and concepts and beliefs. Each new day opens doors in my mind. I am open to discovery.