Because your bod makes me as pleased as punch. And nothing says ‘party’ like a punch.

You’re a peach.

Your bottom is soft, supple and sweet. This variety of booty may also be referred to as bubble butt or O-shape for my professor babes. Simply put, they’re round and perky – most noticeably from the side. Your heroes are Kim Kardashian, Queen B and Jo Lo.

You’re a pear.

Your butt is an A plus, babe. Or in other terms an A-shaped butt. It looks like an upside down heart, so it’s known as the most feminine of the butt shapes. Maybe it’s the way you wear those boy boxer shorts that look like they’ve been through the drier or maybe it’s because you have some babe’n thighs. Whatever deal this is, I’m sold.

Babe if your bod was a palm tree, I’d climb you. Up the top sits a lovely pair of coconuts: they’re small, perky and once they’re undressed they reveal a beautifully smooth flesh. Your heroes are petite babes like Carey Mulligan and Kristen Stewart. I’d climb them, too.

You have a set of watermelons.

Your boobies are something to be admired. They go to and fro – they truly have a mind of their own. That’s why you’ll only see them on fiery, independent babes such as Kate Upton, Penelope Cruz and Lara Stone. And just like the fruit themselves, they thrive in warmer weather.

If I had my way, I’d blend all of you together for one babe’n smoothie.