(AP) In a stunning reversal of fortune, the International Synchronized Hydraulic Effervescing Federation (ISHEF) had disqualified the team from Nauru from competition for one year. The team had failed doping tests registering incredibly high and dangerous levels of phosphates. A Government spokesperson from Nauru denounced the decision insisting that linking the tiny island nation’s diminishing sole natural resource, phosphates, and the teams remarkable success smacked of racially inspired speculation.
The IOC, nevertheless announced today it had accepted the International Synchronized Hydraulic Effervescing Federation (ISHEF) bid to include the sport at the 2016 Summer Olympics in Brazil.

The American Energy Independence Association reports in its industry trade association magazine GAS that it has high hopes for anthropogenically generated energy. The energy produced in the demonstration pictured here spun a hamster wheel for 16 seconds. “AGE holds much promise” said a spokesperson for the Association.
Environmentalists, Humanists, and the Obama administration have all come out against “farting” and documentarian Josh Fox announced Gasland Deux has been ‘greenlighted’.

"Ordered to equip the Synchronized Swimming Team with the pink bathing suits specified for the picture, the Wardrobe Manager mistakenly grabbed the box of edible pink underwear scheduled for an upcoming porno film. The performers were angry as the suits dissolved, but the anger turned to terror as the dissolving suits attracted schools of nibbling fish."

"Due to unexpected retirements during his second term, Barack Obama was able to appoint fully eight justices to the Supreme Court -- here pictured during the annual beach party that became their tradition just before the beginning of the winter session."

Having survived the ditching of their aircraft, the Stewardesses were confronted with a true Hobson's Choice --whether to get into the life raft with the men they had been flying to a nudist convention.

In Greek mythology, "Aphrodite rose from the waves of the sea on a bed of foam." She embodies sexuality, love, physical attraction--enchanting all who viewed her. She had a beautiful body, and was eternally young. (Kind of like Cass on the masthead of this blog!) :)

Obviously, some Beta Testing was done first. This photo shows the original contenders--none was selected--but they got the "rising from the sea" and the "sea-foam" right.

Although championed in the press as evidence of Obama's promise to reform practices permitted under the by the Bush administration, some questioned the effectiveness of "water boring" as a means of extracting information from suspected terrorists.

Truth is funnier than fiction. Based on a Weekly Standard article today--you can imagine the following:

"Doctors debated for hour on how to assign a code to the injuries to these women " From the actual article "There are 155,000 codes for any conceivable (or UNCONCEIVABLE) circumstance, like " code V9027XA: “Drowning and submersion due to falling or jumping from burning water-skis, initial encounter.” In any case, ICD-10 has those covered, too. There is a code for a mere “burn due to water-skis on fire” (V9107XA) and for someone being “hit or struck by falling object due to accident on water-skis” (V9137XA) or jumping from “crushed water-skis” (V9037XD). More generally, there’s “other injury due to accident to water-skis” (V9187X) and “other injury due to other accident on board water-skis” (V9387XA). And there’s the rather inexplicable code V9227XA: “Drowning and submersion due to being washed overboard from water-skis.”

In frustration, the doctors decided it wasn't "burning water skis" at all, and coded the swimmers injuries to " T63622A (Toxic effect of contact with other jellyfish, intentional self-harm, initial encounter)"

"Fresh from their success in forcing the reform of the health-care industry, the Obama Administration mandated reform of all athletic competition. In the case of water events, they mandated that swimmers wear "floaties" on their feet to prevent drowning. In this photo the tragic results of the ill-considered dictum are shown. There were no survivors.

By Executive Order, enforcement of the edict was delayed until AFTER the elections.

"Nikki, the 9th member of the swim team (not pictured here) was a much better swimmer than the rest. Fresh from their success with "Income Equality", the Obama Administration ordered "Swimming Equality" and decreed that a weight should be strapped to her ankle--then blamed her when she could not keep up."

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