Wednesday, February 27, 2013

There seems to be a re-occurring pattern for me. With my previous blog I used to to talk about the guys as I dated them. However, now when I finally get the chance to write about the guys they have already been dismissed

So I have actually been meaning to write about the Hipster for awhile. We started talking a few weeks ago. Unfortunately for him, I think we came to our crossroads last night.

Let's start from the beginning. Like I said, the Hipster and I have been talking the past few weeks. I liked him from the beginning because he was different. And I mean really different. He likes alternative music and his favorite sport his hockey. I mean like season tickets. Oh did I mention he is black? He is cute, not too tall, but taller than me. He currently works giving tour guides at the Capitol. He has a son from a previous relationship (he was engaged at one point). And he is currently saving up money to go to culinary school.

We ended up meeting up a few weeks ago. Our location was Busboys and Poets. It was a great location. I had never been to this particular one so I was excited. We ordered some drinks, shared some hummus, and it was a good time. The conversation was good and seemed to flow pretty well. Then we decided to take a little tour of DC and ended up grabbing a few drinks at a bar. Overall the night seemed good and I was interested in seeing him again.

So the next day he asked me if I was available, which I was not. In fact, I had pushed my scheduled around to see him the night before only because I knew that my weekend was going to be pretty packed. Eventually I agreed that we could meet somewhere after my previous plans were over. He suggested Dave and Busters in Rockville which I agreed to. Now to those who don't know the area, Rockville is at least 40 minutes from my house but probably only about 30 minutes from where my plans were. However, then he asked me if I could pick him up. Now, I am not opposed to driving because I live far from most places, but picking him up was out of the question. I was on one side of DC he lived on the completely other side, he wanted me to pick him up, drive to Dave and Busters (which is closer to the side of DC I was already on), and then take him home after, then I would still have to drive home, all so he wouldn't have to spend time looking for a parking spot when he got back to his parking garage. I tried to explain how this was a terrible idea, but he was on the other line. So I went to my dinner plans, and then I look at my phone and saw that he had called me and then texted me a message saying "I knew you weren't going to pick up." Now if you read my previous post of "The Rise of the Mitches", you should know that that is a very mitch move right there. Needless to say my dinner ran long and he was asleep when I called him.

So I would say from there my opinion went sour. But I decided to keep him around because I was trying to give him a chance and I thought maybe we could just be friends regardless. Bad move. I began the week out by asking if he wanted to meet up sometime during the week or just wait until next weekend because I knew that during this weekend I had plans all weekend and he was moving during the weekend. I said fine. Although I was a little irritated because I felt like he wasn't busy during the week and if you want to see someone you make an effort, but oh well.

One day that week I had made plans with my cousin. While I was waiting for her I decided to text him to see what he was up to. He said he was cooking chili, one of my favs, to which I told him. Then he said I should stop by and pick some up. To which I told him that I had plans. Then he asked me if I was on a date. I don't care that he asked, I think it was pretty bold of him actually. But it really wasn't any of his business, especially when he didn't want to make plans with me in the first place. And it just proved my point that he was free during the week and just being lazy.

But his inaction got me to thinking. Why am I putting in effort with someone I am lukewarm about. So I decided I was not going to text him for a day to see what happened. I mean honestly in the grand scheme of things, men should be doing the courting, not the women. That's when he texted me something smart about not texting him. I mean really? Another mitch move.

The other thing that bothered me, that is he a self proclaimed hipster. First off, I don't think a true hipster would even call themselves a hipster. Second, hipsters are the most douche bag people on the planet! They dress different, listen to different music, and watch different movies all in an effort to try to be different. In their efforts they act like they are better than everyone else who doesn't subscribe to their "different" mantra. In reality, all these different people together really aren't truly different so the whole thing is just stupid. I am all for having your own unique style, but if you style looks just like everyone else's then it is not different is it? Also, I like all types of music and movies, this doesn't mean that there is is something wrong with me for liking mainstream stuff as well.

Despite all this the thing that really bothered me was his attitude. He just complained too much and seemed way too self absorbed. On our date I found out that his birthday was a few days off from my ex. Which explains a lot about the self-absorbed trait of geminis. Anyway, for the past two weeks I heard nothing but his complaining about moving. Dude, you are downsizing apartments to save for school. Moving sucks yes, but get over it. At least you have an apartment! I just couldn't take it. I can be moody and a debbie downer myself, but I really try to make the effort not to be. With him, I think he was just hell bent in being in a bad mood and talking about nothing but himself. Even the fact that he had some issues with substance abuse in the past (which I feel are still are an issue) didn't bother me. But I just can't deal with the complaining, especially from a guy.

Yesterday, he ended up attacking me saying that I put up walls and that I need a break from dating to heal from my previous relationship. I am not denying any of that he might have a point, but he was the reason it wasn't getting any further not me. Peace out Hipster!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Mitches. My cousin just said it is an epidemic. I tend to agree. What is a mitch you ask? Kevin Hart says that a mitch is a, "male version of a bitch." To me a mitch, is a guy who is passive aggressive and acts like a girl instead of a grown ass man. Unfortunately for my cousin and I we have dated our fair share of mitches have you?

Where did all the mitches come from? I am not sure. Was it Drake's fault for rapping all of those sensitive lyrics? No, I think that mitches have been around longer than that. I think that maybe in the last few years they have been gaining popularity. Maybe we have Keith Sweat, Johnny Gill, and Ralph Trevesant to blame. I mean wasn't Ralph the one who sang the song Sensitivity?

What is an example of mitch? Well for example, I have been talking to this guy. Today I decided to myself that I have been putting in way more effort than I should so I was going to let him contact me. Well 8:00 pm rolls around and I have heard nothing from him. When I do hear from him instead of a "hey, how have you been" or a "hi I haven't heard from you today is everything ok" I was hit with this: "Well hope you had a wonderful day." Really? You are all sad because I didn't initiate contact with you today? And that is how you choose to act? Am I really going to be attracted to a guy who pouts when I don't contact him? NOT AT ALL. And honestly, it is of my opinion that the guy should be putting in the effort not me. I would never act like that with someone I just started talking to. I am all about equality, but I am not about to go chasing after anyone, much less someone that I am only luke warm interested in (more to come on that topic in the next few days).

What happened to you men? I mean I know that you are trying to explore your sensitive sides and get in touch with your feelings. That is all well in good, everyone needs balance right.? What I do want is someone who can communicate like an adult. Please don't send me any messages acting like I am the problem just because your feelings are hurt. Don't text me calling me names and trying to make me feel bad because I called you out on your own bullshit. Forget trying to embarrass me because you were caught up in your own lies. Men, stop acting like mitches! To once again quote my favorite viral phenomenon Sweet Brown "ain't nobody got time for that."

So I was conversing with one of my friends about a guy I am talking to. Don't worry I will be writing about him soon :). Anyway, my friend suggests that I need to just be happy with myself and stop this quest for a male suitor. So I ask you all today: Is it wrong to want to get married?

When I was younger I always envisioned the whole husband 2.5 kids and a dog. As I have gotten older the idea of kids has kind of been erased from my mind. And I even am coming to terms with the idea that I might never get married. However, I still want to get married.

Is it wrong to long for companionship? I don't think so. I mean look in the bible. Men and women were supposed to compliment each other. It's is not as if we at not whole by ourselves, but a partner is supposed to enhance who you are and make you better.

Is it selfish that I want someone to go home to at night? Is it bad that sometimes I want to have a friend who I can tell everything to and cuddle with? Is it unrealistic for me to want to make a lifetime commitment with someone when the time is right? I don't think so. Equally, although I am not pressed to get married tomorrow I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to meet new people and date. But that is me...what do you think?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A few weeks ago I went out on a date with a guy who I will name Mr. Basketball. Before I talk about the date, let me rewind first. Mr. Basketball and I met online. On paper he looked decent. He is 6'10" (former college basketball player), a few years younger than me, has his own business, and has full custody of his three year old daughter. Our conversations were enjoyable and he called me promptly at 6:10 as I had asked. Before you say anything I know that 6:10 is an odd time, but I get off at 6 so I know I will be in the car by 6:10. He told me this inspirational story about how he almost died and how he came back with a renewed appreciation for life. I was thinking that he could be a keeper.

So we decided to go out on Saturday night. Saturday 5:00 pm rolls around I still have no idea where we are going or what time. That is a big pet peeve. I believe that if a man asks a girl out that he should plan the date. Now, I am not one of those girls who has to go to a four star restaurant. In fact, I believe that you do not have a to spend a lot of money for a date to have a good time. What I care about is that you put some effort into thinking about me. I think that it is just inconsiderate to leave someone hanging with plans. It ended up being me who ultimately planned what we did. I was none to pleased (especially since I had just bought a new outfit and I didn't want to waste it). With that being said, Mr. Basketball is not a planner. That is something that I had to subtly point out to him during the date.

Anyway, our 7:00 date turned into an 8:00 date at a restaurant. He is a cute guy in person. When we sat down at the restaurant I immediately noticed his numerous visible tattoos. I don't think that this bothered me as much as him expecting some kind of reaction out of me. (This was the basis for my "I am not my degree post").

So the conversation went pretty well and I had a good time. The only major red flag for me is when we talked about relationships. I said that I was ready for a relationship. When I asked him the same he said yes and no. My mind immediately felt like that ticker tape that scrolls at the bottom of the screen. In stead of sentences it it just had the words RUN on repeat. His explanation was honesty. He said that he wanted more time to get to where he wanted to be and so that when he was in a relationship he could devote 100% of his time to it. I think that was a very noble idea, but also somewhat naive. I am not sure that we ever get to where we want to be in life. And by the time it happens it might be too late. But we kept talking. The evening was enjoyable and we ended up parting ways on a good note.

Now, things kind of faded after that. The next day I felt like he didn't seem as interested. And that increased each day. Finally he stopped returning my calls and text messages something where I had told him our date was my biggest pet peeve. So I deleted his number. I am a deleter what can I say.

All was well until he called me by accident on Friday. I know it was by accident because he hung up before it barely rang. So that is when I went a little bit crazy (blame PMS), and I texted him and told him that if he deleted my number he wouldn't accidentally call me. He said smh, ok. And I haven't heard from him since. Yes, I know it seemed a little dramatic. But I figured let's just call a spade a spade. It wasn't going to go anywhere, and I for sure would be pissed if he kept calling me by accident if he can't even return my damn phone calls when I mean to call him. *breathe*

Needless to say, Mr. Basketball is Mr. Dunzo :) I am not doing very well with this dating thing huh?

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Excuse the fact that I have more typos than usual. I have decided to start writing some posts as they come to me since many readers have been requesting more frequent posts (you know who you are). So I am writing this from my phone! Gotta love technology right?

Anyway I just want to say for the record I am not my degree! I am tired of guys assuming that I act or think a certain way because I have a juris doctorate. I have started thinking about it more as I have been dating again.

If you know anything about me, while I am proud of earning my degrees, my degrees do not define the type of person I am. I don't look down at others who didn't go to college and above. I don't think college is for everyone. As long as you make me laugh and we can carry on a decent conversation that's all I really want.

Please don't assume that because I am an attorney that I am going to be stuck up. Also don't think that I am making big bucks. Lord know that's the furthest from the truth!

If you don't want to be judged merely at the surface level why would you judge me based on my degree?

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Today I felt a little down. There are a lot of mixed feelings swirling around in this brain of mine. First, the weather. This feels like it has been the most dreary winter ever. For every one day of sun we have six days of clouds. YUCK! I am ready for the summer in the worst way. There is nothing more that I would like right now than to feel a warm breeze and the sun warm my skin all while wearing a sundress and some cute sandals. Soon enough, right?

What else has me feeling the blues? Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. You know Valentine's Day, the commercialized holiday to remind you that you are single. And this year I am very single. Last year around this time my ex and I had just broken up. I can't believe that it has been a year. It has taken me around that much time to get over him. So no I have no plans. I am not even doing dinner with the girlfriends like I did last year. This year I will probably just go to the gym haha. I am truly the most excited that I ordered flowers to be delivered for my mom. I think she will be so excited. I wish I really had money then I would buy flowers for all of my single girlfriends just so it would put a smile on their faces.

So what's the last thing that has me down? My dad. My dad's death anniversary is on Sunday. I did the math today and it was 15 years ago when he passed away from cancer. Some people ask me how I deal with it and does it get easier? I am not sure that you ever really get over it. I can't say that it gets easier either. Sometimes I am ok, and there are days like this where I really long for that comfortableness that only a father could show his daughter. In fact as I get older my perspective on losing a parent at a young age changes, especially since my mom is not at the mental capacity to act as the older, wiser adult that I sometimes desperately need. There are many times where I wish I had my dad to bounce off ideas. I wish that I could ask him questions about his childhood. I wonder if some of personality traits that I have are his gift to me. I wish he could have met the guys I have dated and threaten to shoot them if they mistreated me. I wish I could confide in him and that he would tell me that everything will be ok. I wish we could go to the movies together and listen to music together like we used to.

But in the grand scheme of things tomorrow is another day. Sunday is another day. And this is just another winter. Today I am a little down. Tomorrow I will be fine.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

So yesterday I put in my two weeks notice of resignation from the retail store that I have been working at the part time since May. No I don't have another part time job lined up. I decided that I needed to step out on faith, and that is what I did.

Let me rewind. I never was really fond of this job from the beginning. Working in retail is a lot of work. It is physical, meaning I am constantly walking around, carrying clothes, picking things up, and on my feet for the entire shift. But it also has a mental component. I have to deal with customers who are not always friendly, who ignore me when I say hello, and can sometimes just be darn right rude. And the pay HA. Having a discount helps sometimes, a little bit, but not much. However, I took this job for times when I reach a lull in legal work. I thought that having some income, no matter how small, is better than nothing. Overall this experience has not been a loss though. I learned a lot about how retail works. It made me have an even greater appreciation for people who are in the service industry. In addition, it made me improve my own relations with people. I can talk to strangers with ease. I also find myself smile at random strangers. Also, I was forced to humble myself to get a job that I didn't have the requirement of two degrees. These are all good things which I am glad that I had the opportunity to experience.

But I still wanted to resign from this position as soon as possible. However, I always felt like it was irresponsible for me to quit without more stability or without something else in place. A few weeks ago I felt otherwise.

A couple of weeks ago in church I had a feeling. I felt as if I needed to devote more time to ministry work, getting more involved with the church, and to helping others. This is not actually a new feeling though. I had been thinking about this for the past few months. However, I have always been held back by time restrains aka having a weekend job. But it was a couple of weeks ago I thought that maybe it was really time for me quit.

So then last week I finally made up my mind. It started on Saturday. I was volunteering with my fellow University of Maryland Black Alumni members at a soup kitchen in DC. When I volunteer it never feels like work. The people I serve may be in need, but they are are fulfilling my needs just the same. Volunteering, serving, being around others is something that I am good at. It is such an awesome and powerful feeling that I need to feel more often.

Then the church service last Sunday sealed the deal. The guest minister, Pastor Ray Chang preached a sermon basically saying that you don't have to have a big platform in order to serve. He also reminded me that it only takes a mustard seed of faith to be a follower of Christ. Ever since I knew that I wanted to live a life devoted to service I thought it was supposed to be on a big scale. I still think that I am destined to do big things, but I realized that I do not have to wait until then to make a difference. I can make a difference on a smaller scale and I need to start now.

When I figured all of that out, I was excited. I have told a few friends and my family. Not everyone is as excited about my decision as I am. But I realized that not everyone is going to understand nor agree with my rationale. Not everyone is the same place in their own spiritual journey as me. But all I know is that I might not always hear or understand what God is telling me, but right now it feels right. I might not have work by the end of the month, but I trust that God will have another plan for me, because he has gotten me through all of this time, I have faith that he will not let me fall now.

So I ask you all to just say a little prayer for me. And I hope that maybe if you have been given instructions by God that maybe you will have the courage to step out on faith, no matter whether others agree with it or not.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Hadiya Pendleton is dead. She was a 15 year old honor student from Chicago that was shot in front of her school last week. She as well as her band had recently performed at President Obama's inauguration. Never heard of her? I am not surprised. Hadiya is just one more name to add to the list of deaths in Chicago. And she is just one more name to add to the list of names of recent shooting deaths around the country.

In 2012, there were 506 homicides in Chicago alone. This is a staggering number considering most metropolitan cities are experiencing a decrease in murders and violent crimes. But is Chicago just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to shooting deaths? Is Chicago setting the standard for what is to come?

I must admit that I have been wanting to write on the homicide rate in Chicago for a few months. It is an interesting scenario. Many of the homicides have been attributed to the product of gang wars, instead of an overall violence issue in the city. But the horrible numbers made me ask another question. What role does the media play in the violence? And where are the politicians?

The violence in Chicago was not an overnight phenomena. I remember hearing about large numbers of shootings, mainly with teenagers, that began early last year. There would be a story here or there and then the issue would fade away until the next shooting. Overall, it didn't seem as if the mainstream media took much time to address the violence in Chicago. I have talked to several friends about this over the past few months, and they believe that the media doesn't address it because this is an internal problem. Meaning, that this is an issue within the black community so we as a community need to fix the problem. But what happened to it takes a village? Surely, gang violence isn't a problem known only to Chicago.

But there is something else interesting about the violence in Chicago, the lack of political attention. How could the city that the President calls home escape scrutiny while he was running for re-election? If I were his opponent I would bring this issue front and center. Yet, for both sides the murder rate in Chicago was never an issue. Why? First, I believe that perhaps both sides thought that it was such an isolated problem that it was not worth addressing on a grand scale. Second, there is no easy way to handle gang related violence. In an election year people are looking for solutions points that provide and easy talking point. So maybe it would not help their campaigns to address gangs as a platform issue. Third, and possibly the the most pessimistic answer is that the community in which it involves doesn't matter. Aren't areas affected by gang violence usually comprised of low income minorities? And the association is that low income minority communities do not come out to vote. So maybe those who were running decided that they didn't need to address the needs of a community that wasn't involved in the political process.

It is hard not to compare the attention that was brought to the shooting in Connecticut without addressing the lack of attention to homicide rate in Chicago. Many people will say that there is a difference. That in Connecticut it was one shooter who entered a school and took the lives of many defenseless kids. But Hadiya Pendelton was a defensive kid who was shot for no reason. Is her life not just as important as the lives that were lost in Connecticut?

This post is far from a cry for gun control. It is a call for people control. The continued silence on the violence in Chicago is proving to be deadly. It is time that we have a serious discussion not just as a city, community, or a state but as a nation. While we try to prevent another massacre that happened in Virginia, Phoenix, Colorado, and Connecticut let us also address the other typesof massacres that are occurring in Chicago, Atlanta, and other cities.