Whole Country Realises We Aren’t That Good At Football

News broke this morning of a very, very upsetting day for English Football fans. It can be revealed after a month long nationwide footballing census was conducted, results show that we just aren’t that good at our most popular sport.

“The English Footballing Association, would like to apologise to the entire country. We want to admit as a professional body that we have been lying about how good we are. We look to rectify this by looking at our processes from top to bottom, conducting an internal review. We have called in leading expert investigators to lead the expert investigations”

The mood of the nation rests somewhat upon the performances of our football team and it seems that the FA have been dining out on a trophy won over 50 years ago, in 1966 against our German enemies. It seems since them all we can do is produce Mike Bassett-esque teams to fall flat when it comes to crunch time.

The future can only tell us if this is going to turn around. Reports are flooding in that Harry Kane has vowed to stop eating wotsits after he admitted that he could get better if he put the orange flavoured snacks down.

Talking of potato based food, Gary Lineker was seen crying into a packet of cheese and onion crisps in a Waitrose car park. He later tweeted explaining it was because he didn’t like the flavour.

The nation mourns. This reporter, for one, sheds a tear as he writes the article.