I'm just, you know, I'm just the guy that does the thing. We've run out of pie.

Friday, May 3, 2019

Out In The World

Every day on my way into work and then back home from work I see people out in the world.They look like they are having fun, doing things, living lives. I want to be out in the world. I want to be having fun. I want to live a life. But then again I don't. Not really. Such is the dichotomy of my life. I see people being people. I wonder what its like to be a person. Yet when the opportunity to be a person comes along, I run screaming for the hills. Willing to do anything to not have to be a person.It's no secret to anyone who actually knows me, not that there are many that do, that I am a very shy, very introverted person. I can enjoy the company of one person, and I do. However when there is more than one other person I start to back off, fade into the background as it were. You get more than a few people around and I will go find a quiet corner and stay out of site until I can leave.You would think that, feeling that way, I would not want to "be out in the world" and I guess I don't. But I do. I want to be out in the world. I want to be able to enjoy being around people. Well, some people anyway. I am just not very good at it and it's exhausting.I can force myself to socialize, to interact at parties, gatherings, whatever. I do sometimes because I have to. Everyone has birthday parties, weddings, funerals, other gatherings you just can't back out of. Still other times I just want to be in that place and the fact that there are ten thousand other people who also want to be there is something I have to try and deal with. Like the Motor City Comic Con for example I love to be there, I hate to be there. I spend a couple hours looking around and a day and a half recovering from it.Sometimes I enjoy it though. I have met some really great people in situations that I wouldn't have, given the choice, gone to. The problem is I am rarely at my best in these situations, social interactions are not one of my strong suits. You need something fixed, build, coded, configured, engineered, I am your man. You want small talk that doesn't insult or otherwise offend someone you best find somebody else.It's the same way with friends. I know I have written about friendship too many times in the past already, but I think that says something. I have read time and time again that humans are social animals. We need interactions, others of our kind, to be healthy. Normally I scoff at those notions. More and more I have begun to realize that it's true. Probably more so for some than others, but true nevertheless. I am beginning to feel this one a lot more than I used to.Somewhat coincidentally, as I was trying to find a way to finish this post, I came across this post by Allyson Dinneen that ties in very nicely. If you get a second take a look at it. You will only need a second really - Human BrainI found Allyson through one of the artists I support on Patreon, Shanna Germain, If you have more than a second you should check out her work. Support her on Patreon as well if you can. Her body of work encompasses so much awesome that I can't begin to cover it here. Do yourself a favor and take a look. This seems like as good a way to finish as any I was coming up with. I kinda rode this one off the rails there toward the end. Till next time.