When you’re a third rail pop country band who was unfortunately named after something that sounds like a frozen treat Dairy Queen would put on sale at $1.99 for a limited time, why not sail your self-respect and dignity down Nashville’s mighty Cumberland River and sell out as hard as you can to scrounge together the very last dying embers of mainstream relevancy before your careers are eventually recycled through the audition rounds of The Voice, stimulating America to let out a collective “Who?” when they try to present you as someone who was previously famous?

Spectacularly relevant to 2014, “Hotdamalama” from Parmalee is the Bro-Country mega hit that never was, served with ragingly misogynistic language and imagery that would get you fired from 95% of 2018 workplaces with no severance and a sexual harassment lawsuit trailing your decommissioned ass out the door. You think this is hyperbole, try on for size verses such as…

Cutoffs clinging to her pocketTalking ’bout a home run grand slamalamalama

What kind of mush mouth fuck nutted bullshit is this? “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk,” eat you’re everloving heart out, and marvel at the fact that somehow a collective group of someones figured out how to stoop even lower than your record-setting level, while at the same time performing such a succulent ripoff of your idea, it can’t even boast a shred of originality. Worst country song ever? “Hotdamalama” certainly puffs its chest out and makes a strong case for itself.

The specter of Parmalee’s “Hotdamalama” being released as a country music single has been haunting the minds for many since this abortion of an audio offering was first commissioned as a track off their 2017 record, 27861. For those of you not boned up on your local area zip codes, 27861 are the digits for Parmalee’s hometown of Parmalee, North Carolina who after this abomination, have announced they will replace the “Home of the Band Parmalee” sign at the city limits with simply a ginormous, vein-popping phallus, with a plaque on one side that simply states, “In commemoration of the pop country band Parmalee who made a whore out of our fine town’s name when they released the worst song in the history of country music, ‘Hotdamalama.'”

What throes of introspection or depths of emotional toil gave rise to such an inspired composition you ask? “I came up with that rhyme scheme cooking a fried bologna sandwich in my kitchen,” lead singer Matt Thomas says. And no, I’m not kidding. “That’s just a word you say when you see a hot girl walk by,” he explains.

Matt Thomas, you’re fucking 44-years-old. A little late for elementary after school snack fare and a wandering eye for “hot girls,” wouldn’t you say? And the worst part about the entire enterprise is that they put the most random banjo riff buried among the drum machine and arena rock guitar garbage. It’s almost like they’re saying, “Fuck You! Here’s a banjo. It’s country!”

You have to put out a concerted effort to make a song this bad. Face it Parmalee, it’s over. Your last two singles stalled out on the charts at #35 and #39 respectively, and your latest record hasn’t even sold 8,000 copies. Don’t make America pay for your last dying prayers at relevancy that will go unanswered anyway. Take your “Hotdamalama” bullshit and bad haircuts back to Cackalacky, and learn how to sell washing machines or something because you’re finished.

But the embarassing 13 year old dudes who bought a cowboy hat at Walmart and a pair of “cowboy” boots they asked for for Christmas will strut up and down about how awesome rural life is while also admitting to not knowing the difference between a tom turkey and a side of beef but they’ll put bumper stickers on about how “Country” they are because they like this song and because they like the smell of corn on the cob. Meanwhile alcoholic twenty-somethings will fall all over themselves for this because it reminds them how awesome it is to wear sleeveless shirts and message women with pictures of their junk before they go light something on fire and do something illegal.

Also I totally forgot about “Parmalee.” I saw this headline and I just sat and racked my brain until I remembered “some washout band who wasn’t popular enough to get an exhibit at the Dallas Davidson Museum of Trashy White Dudes.”

But “because it’s music” its sexism is going to get a pass because “people who don’t like it don’t need to listen to it” and “we don’t know anybody who wouldn’t want to be the girl in a country song.”

Just thinking about this has activated my inner raging maniac who can only be soothed with REAL Country Music. I need Don Reno and I need it now.

I kinda pity poor Rodney, he had some good songs in the past, although always country-pop. “If You’re Going To Hell” is solid, I always listen to it gladly when it comes on.
I’m not gonna bother with this new shit he’s putting out, he should just accept, at over 50 years old, that his career is gone forever: keep some dignity man.

Caught Up In the Country is just sad. If You’re Going Through Hell and Cleaning This Gun were both solid, and Honesty was amazing. I’d go check out his Honesty album. Really good pop-Country, if you ask me, and if you’re into that sort of thing.

How you doing Angelo? We used to fight on youtube all the time lol. I have lost all respect for Rodney, i cant listen to his old music anymore after hearing Caught up in the country…quite possibly the worst song ive ever heard country-wise. Never thought of Rodney as pop country. Waiting for Trig to review that POS song..

My experience with Parmalee has been an interesting one. Kind of unrelated storytime.

I remember when my dad first got XM radio installed in his truck around 2010 or 2011, the new country stations would not stop playing their song “Musta Had a Good Time”. Not only did I dislike the song on a fundamental level, it became so overplayed that I hated it even more. Once I started hearing it on the way to church, it became so abhorrent to me that I decided to write a parody version of it involving cocaine, to try and prove that their actions would have been the same in the song if it was cocaine instead of alcohol (as I thought the song had a poor message and worse instrumentation and production values). Eventually though, my father found the lyrics to the parody, and got immensely irate (as he liked the song and also took the parody at face value). In the end, this whole experience turned me off from country music and songwriting and guitar playing (my main hobby) completely until somewhat recently.

All that said, somehow, this song is even more annoying to me than “Musta Had a Good Time” on a lyrical level. What are these lyrics? Often, I’ll compare bad songs to “something I could’ve written in third grade”, but frankly, even I am not that self deprecating. This song is almost completely incoherent babbling with no worth. Even Walker Hayes has better lyrics than this usually. That’s not even mentioning the instrumentation which is just cliche and awful (not quite as bad as Walker Hayes’ lip-smacking, microphone-peaking, youll-have-to-disinfect-this-pop-filter “beats” though, I’ll give it that). Shame on you Parmalee.

parmalee became my favout band after I hurd about em usin there second amendment rights on toer that time hell willin to bet nun of yall pussys will get on there toer bus with thees same coments yall got here

Trigger …I’m curious about what meds you use to help you wade through this toxic swamp of non-music day after day . Surely you must use something to hedge against the possibility that the next album you listen to may just be the one to put you over the edge . I mean ….you are in a risky business in these times where the crap in mainstream country far outweighs the gems. C’mon ….tell us you don’t feel part of an endless game of Russian Roulette . I wouldn’t blame you if you were round-the -clock sedated just to be ready when the big one hits . God bless ya buddy

Sorry to go off topic but has anyone heard the new Shotgun Rider album? Any opinions? It’s a pretty easy, pleasant listen much in the vein of the Midland album. I like it quite a bit even if a lot of the songs kinda sound the same. Similar structure and tempo but still very enjoyable.

that song did indeed fry Jerrod Niemann’s career, but the dude will not give up. He should have NEVER released that piece of shit song, and released Buzz Back Girl following Drink To That All Night. He released a very solid song that many people do not know about called Blue Bandana, sounded pretty country and had a fun upbeat song and told a story. If you never heard Blue Bandana its worth a listen. Parmalees new album is really good (not very country though – mostly rock in the style of pop country) but it does not have many songs on it that are radio friendly or that sound “country enough” for country radio. They made a bad move not putting some solid pop country songs on this album…

I mean theres regular crap, then theres steaming piles of dinosaur dung that this song is. I had to check the calendar to make sure it wasn’t early 2000s again since all the “cool” rap references they used haven’t been used since then

Dear SCM, thank you for misspelling the name of this God-awful band’s hometown, dissociating
ourselves with this song is an immediate and vital priority. We’re also working with the USPS to
change our zip code…

On a different topic, anyone else caught Mike Judge Presents: Tale From The Tour Bus on Cinemax. If not check it out….good behind the scenes interviews in a cartoon format with folks who played with and toured with some of country music legends George Jones, Waylon, Billy Joe Shaver, Blaze Foley and others. Those guys were some wild folk!

One of my favorites on their new album. This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He must hate the new country music scene. Parmalee is great, more of a rock country band. Also they were great in concert. Don’t slam bands that have talent just you don’t have any. Great band with 2 great albums!

I’m legitimately pissed off about this – probably more than I should be, but considering I reviewed their last record, I have reason to be. Because I called out this bullshit for what it was back then as about the lowest point the band could hit…

But also because there’s a track four songs earlier on that record called ‘Heartbreaker’ that’s genuinely terrific for mainstream country. No joke, the production has some edge and plays off the minor chord melodies well, there’s some swagger that’s convincingly held up, and it sounded like little else the band had ever recorded, but accessible enough to hit mainstream radio and sound credible. It was darker, meaner, took more of a chance for this brand of pop-flavoured bro-country…

And they fucked it all up by releasing THIS instead. God-fucking-damn it.

They listen to this shit because they are all in their forties and pine for the days of hair metal or in their thirties and pine for the days of boy bands and pop grrrls. And the suite in NYC and LA continue to shovel this shit down their throats and they love it and can’t get enough.

Oh, and don’t confuse me with that “Mike” that was defending this shit of a song. Just wanted to put it out there.

Artists like Parmalee, along with Luke Bryan, Sam Hunt, Walker Hayes, etc. aren’t just music, they’re businesses. They provide and support the livelihoods of their crew members, managers, agents, etc. So, you know what it means when a song like Hotdamalama does well? It means everyone that’s been involved in the creation and implementation of the product – from the songwriters to the business team to the sound guy at a venue – it means they get paid. It means that they get paid so they can support themselves and their families. Which sounds pretty good to me.

Those crews , mangers agents etc would get paid just as well if they were involved with REAL bands who write and perform REAL songs with substance and integrity …not derivative derogatory drivel like this . Getting rid of crappy music doesn’t mean getting rid of the people who do the heavy lifting . It means giving them better acts to work with . It means songwriters …real songwriters can wrtie what’s important and honest to them and listeners. Getting rid of acts and songs like this is actually giving all of those aforementioned ” employees ” some much better , much more encouraging working conditions .

Sorry, everyone who has a hand in the production of this stinking tripe should have had at least some moral courage to say, “Nope. This stinking pile of burning garbage is not worth sacrificing my dignity for an easy paycheck.”

Turning tricks on the corner makes money as well. This logic makes no sense, but you are correct, our society reaches for shit like this and I’m sure they make money. And to think it took songwriter(s) to write this crap. Maybe take a different approach if your spending to much money on the entourage.

They can go ahead and make this shitty music, but don’t push it off as country. They can still get paid by calling themselves a boy band, call a spade a spade.

I’m convinced their entire career has been an elaborate Andy Kaufman style mocumentary of bro country.
Or maybe Rob Reiner.

Imagine “Spinal Tap” but with a group of aging early 40s late 30s flat ironed deep v neck wearing assholes.

Marty DiBergi: Let’s talk about your reviews a little bit. Regarding Intravenous Di Milo [“Hotdamalama”]: “This tasteless cover is a good indicator of the lack of musical invention within. The musical growth rate of this band cannot even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry.”

Bobby Bones cranks this song when he’s driving around in his jacked-up, diamond-plated Silverado with a fresh spray of axe on, tight-ass jeans, and a muscle shirt, while his lady is wearing cutoffs and has her feet up on the dash and her windows rolled down. Then Bobby says “Hotdamalama, baby you a song, slide your little fine ass over here and shake it for me, girl.”

Nah, Bones is more of a Lexus LS or Mercedes CLS guys, you know….. city folk.

He lacks even the phony bro juice for the fake machismo sky cruiser jacked up on 37s with american forces wheels.
Furthermore, in the last 5 years he’s physically morphed in to some metrobro soy powered Ryan Seacrest doppelganger.

Kinda hard to park the jacked up high country at Green Hills mall too.

I saw Parmalee last year because I like a couple of tunes on the Feels Like Carolina album. They were a good live rock band. They’re not Country and I never thought they were. When 27861 came out I thought it sounded like Nickelback which is 10 times worse than the last album and yes this song sucks, is annoying and shouldn’t be anywhere near Country radio.

Contrary to what the commercials imply, the Bud Light Pit of Misery doesn’t involve any physical torture. It’s a two part cruelty: 1. This song is played on a continuous loop, and there’s only Bud Light to drink.

*Shudders. If that isn’t proof that Hell exists, I don’t know what is.

Parmalee is my favorite band by a mile. The thing is, most of their music is NOT country at all. They started off as a rock band and only became a “country” band when signed to Stoney Creek. They classify themselves as a country band because they release songs to country radio. I have both of their major studio albums – “Carolina” and “Close Your Eyes” are the only two songs of theirs i can think of that has a country sound, mostly all others are rock songs in the musical formula of modern pop country. They are talented and believe they could do alot better than what they are doing. I love both albums, but like i said calling it country is absurd other than the fact that a good deal of their songs have lyrics that are about country life and have country themes.

I guess you can place some blame on me for them releasing “Hotdamalama” as the 3rd single. They usually let the fans choose their singles, and I hounded Matt at least once a week for months to release this song as the 3rd single. They listened. They are releasing this song as a last resort, I dont think they had planned to release it to radio at any point. Both singles from this album underperformed and they are trying to get something on radio that will be played, so you cant really blame them for this move. I think Hotdamalama is a really fun, upbeat song, it is 100% bro country which everyone here knows im a huge fan of. At least it has a pop country theme to it and isnt full blown pop music….real shame we have to say that these days…

Meanwhile back in Eastern North Carolina, really good country singers and bands toll away playing whenever and wherever they can and don’t get the attention they deserve. Jonathan Parker from Benson NC is playing week night solo shows at places like my local small town sports bar and weekends at clubs with a full band. He’s selling CDs out of a case between sets and Nashville isn’t paying any attention. But life isn’t fair is it? Trigger how about a review of Parker’s most recent CD to give the guy a little well deserved attention?

Haven’t ruled out reviewing his new album. I’ve also featured other unheralded North Carolina guys over the years like Eric Strickland.

When you criticize a band like Parmalee, you’re not doing it in lieu of paying attention to someone else. The problem is songs like this are shading out guys like Jonathan Parker and Eric Strickland. That’s why it takes a two pronged approach to save country music.

I like when people criticize a song for its lyrical/social content. It’s a fucking bro party song–and guess what, there’s nothing, nothing at all, wrong with that. It’s NOT quality, but some of the best rock songs ever weren’t either.

I’ve been an avid reader of your posts for a long time partially because your scathing reviews make me laugh, but they also sum up my anger towards shitty excuses for country music songs. I’ve never posted here before but today I decided I was gonna sum up my feelings here after suffering through this song..

It is truly one of the biggest pieces of shit I’ve ever heard and when they first came on the scene I thought they had massive potential but Hotdamala or whatever the fuck ends that right there. It makes me angry because of the lack of awareness and creativity that went into making it. While it might be “catchy” to some, I feel like “catchy” has become slang for “It’s horrible as all get out but it makes me want to shake my ass when I’m shitfaced drunk in a field!”