mario

This could have just been some normal, run-of-the-mill copyright infringement, but it just had to be a weird mishmash of products and brands you'd never need or want. Who remembers the transforming robot from Frozen? Anyone?

Since March 3, there was a 15 percent drop from YouPorn users who self-identified as gamers. Drops continued into Saturday, which saw a 17 percent drop, but ticked up — but was still down — slightly on Sunday, which saw a 13 percent drop.

But all that pales in comparison to the fact that Nintendo and Nintendo-related searches skyrocketed. What, no one uses Deviant Art for the video game-related sex cartoons anymore? Here are the numbers:

Searches for "Link" rose 164 percent.

Searches for "Zelda" rose 102 percent.

Searches for "Nintendo" rose 37 percent.

Saearches for "Mario" rose 24 percent.

Searches for Bowser rose 23 percent.

Searches for Princess Peach rose 16 percent.

Wait, Bowser? Yup. Bowser. Apparently, no one wants to J.O. to Waluigi anymore.

Mario's good at a lot of things: Running, jumping, getting big, turning into a fire dude, being a doctor, plumbing, painting, and driving a go kart.

One thing he's not particularly good at is being a real-live human being.

YouTuber CrowbCat made a few modifications to the trailer for Super Mario Odyssey, the game that sticks Mario in a realistic urban setting, which only highlights how weird looking Mario really is. He did them one better, stucking a 6-foot tall Mario inside Grand Theft Auto, so you can see how gross it is for Mario to go to the strip club. Weird.

The idea of Mario, not only disrespecting Peach this way, but also engaging in any type of sexual situation makes me sick to my stomach. But aside from that, you can see Mario drive and explode in a helicopter, fall off a building, and meet a hail of gunfire at the hands of the Liberty City Police.

It’s an amazing moment watching people come together in their shared interest of defeating video game ghosts. Now, if only we as a country could come together and figure out how to defeat actual ghosts. Seriously, there are too many ghosts in this country, especially on Tinder.

A team comprised of well known speedrunners including Tyler Kehne, MKDasher, sonicpacker, Snark, SilentSlayers, Gaehne D, Eru, and To managed to pull off what's being called the 'Holy Grail' of Mario 64 sequence breaks.

It's being called the 'Moat Door Skip' and it was previously presumed impossible....until now. Here's a mere segment from the lengthy post, which describes what this team had to go through to achieve their goal:

“Many years ago, the SM64 community demonstrated with hacks that the moat door was fully functional underwater, and that there was a 1 frame window where Mario could run underwater and open it. Still, the uncooperative geometry of the Castle Grounds map seemed to indicate that the Moat Door Skip would always be a plumber’s pipe dream. However, in 2015 Tyler Kehne identified the parallel universe (PU) glitch, and he immediately realized that it could potentially be used to solve the problem. After overcoming several seemingly fatal issues with applying the glitch, he theorized a method for Moat Door Skip that takes a detour through Vanish Cap Under the Moat. Tyler and sonicpacker then collaborated to demonstrate this method, which required the collection of 10 stars.”

“But in order to make Moat Door Skip useful for a speedrun, the team had to find a way to quickly get into VCUtM with only 0 stars. The only known way to do this involves jumping with a very high negative speed, which results in a proportionally large vertical displacement that can traverse the depth of the water in 1 frame. In order to make the trick work, the team had to design a far more potent BLJ than anything ever seen before on Castle Grounds. SilentSlayers and sonicpacker set to work on surveying for potential BLJs, and eventually they found one on the far side of the lake that allowed several thousand speed to be accumulated. Tyler then figured out how to route the speed to an appropriate jump location, and the vision of the Moat Door Skip was fully realized!”