Alcoholism In Marriage

Dealing With An Alcoholic SpouseEffects On A Marriage

It’s tough to cope with alcoholism in marriage and difficult to deal with an alcoholic spouse.

Not surprisingly,
studies show that alcoholics have shorter marriages than people that don’t have
addictions to alcohol. Those marriages may be less happy and more troubled than
marriages not affected by alcoholism, as well, although of course there are
many other things that affect the happiness and success of a marriage, not just
the drinking habits of spouses.

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Effects of Alcoholism in Marriage

According to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse
and Alcoholism, some common effects of alcoholism in marriage include:

Lack
of effective communication skills

Frequent
disagreements or arguments

Broken
promises, lies, and lack of follow through with commitments on the part of the
spouse with the drinking problem

Jealousy
on the part of the alcoholic spouse

Infidelity
(on the part of either spouse)

Sexual
problems

Lack
of involvement in family activities on the part of the spouse with the drinking
problem (such as not helping with household chores, not joining the family for
meals, missing important family gatherings like birthdays, etc.)

Financial
problems

Legal problems that impact the relationship

Domestic
violence (initiated by the spouse with the drinking problem)

Disagreements
related to parenting or poor relationships between the spouse with the drinking
problem and any children)

Separation or divorce

Family members of alcoholics may experience significant
levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, too.

How Do You Deal with an Alcoholic Spouse?

Please note that, while here we refer to the
alcoholic as “he,” women are sometimes alcoholics, too, and their drinking can
affect a marriage as much as a man’s drinking can. It’s just easier to read
information if we use one pronoun instead of saying “he or she” over and over
again.

Dealing with a spouse with a drinking problem is
stressful. It’s important to understand that you cannot make your spouse stop
drinking. You can’t make him get help.
There are things you can do to help and support him, but in the end, he
is the only one that can control his behavior.

Don’t
try to talk to him about his drinking when he’s drunk or hung over. Wait until
he’s sober.

Don’t
cover for him (enabling an alcoholic). That means don’t call his boss with an excuse if he is too hung
over to go to work, don’t make excuses about his drinking to his friends or
family members, and don’t bail him out of jail if he gets arrested while intoxicated.
Let him deal with the consequences of his own behavior.

Be
honest about how his behavior affects you and the rest of the family.

Let
him know what the consequences of alcoholism in marriage will be if he
continues drinking or refuses to get help for his drinking, but don’t make
threats you won’t keep. For instance, don’t tell him you’ll take the children
and move out unless you really mean it.

Tell
him you want him to seek help for his drinking but don’t nag him about it and
don’t try to do it for him. For instance, let him make an appointment to see
his doctor or let him make some phone calls to find out where the local
Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are; don’t try to do all the work for him. Let it
be his responsibility.

Get
help and support for yourself. Attend Al-Anon meetings for family members of
alcoholics. Consider seeing a professional counselor. You can’t control what
your spouse does but you can control what you do.