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In an instant, I was filled with the orange gold milk of human kindness. It siphoned into my lungs and I was breathing it, heaving it throughout the car like the sparkling flame of a Elysian dragon. I could not believe my good fortune at having gazed upon this singular word, communicated through the medium of earth and time like a whisper spoken through the ages. Who among us had the gumption to pen such a script?

This week scientists discovered through a series of very specific trials that involved legitimate science and more than a few doctors standing around in enlarged playtex goggles and arm length black plastic gloves, that the act of weeping every single day can have the effect of making one appear increasingly cool and, the aforementioned science suggests, overall slimmer and more attractive.

I haven’t been gaming for very long, but what got me interested in games finally was not the fantasy lives you could lead or the incredible foes you could conquer. What intrigued me, ultimately, was this new narration delivery system.

Today, the Goats watched an internet video in the vein of “what we made you think while you were on copious pain meds” oeuvre, which is quite popular! People enjoy imposing confusion and subterfuge upon their loved ones, and why wouldn’t they?