From: zimmerma@corsa.ucr.edu (Christopher Robin Zimmerman)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Subject: WWF Monday Night RAW - 12/9/94
Date: 14 Sep 1994 07:22:30 GMT
Organization: UC Riverside, Dept. of Computer Science
Lines: 95
Message-ID: <3568bm$98s@galaxy.ucr.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: corsa.ucr.edu
WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you from the Lowell Memorial Auditorium in
Lowell, Massachusetts 13.9.94 (but taped 15.8) and broadcast on the USA
Network.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Randy Savage, who are damn glad that the US
Open is over.
The Undertaker v. Kwang - Can you feel it? The Undertaker is back, and in a
purple haze. Thank God they didn't give me an action-packed match; I can
ease back into these match descriptions. Kwang moves...nope. The
Undertaker with a boot to the gut, chop to the throat, head against the
turnbuckle. Chop. Whip, reversal. Kwang with a chop...no sell.
Undertaker with a chop and a powerslam. The Undertaker misses a dropped
elbow...and sits up. Kwang finally hits a superkick, sending 'Taker outside
(he lands on his feet, natch). Before he can get back in, Kwang headbutts
him and then does his trademark "orange spew" (as Vince calls it) to the
audience. Kwang wants to give him another, but instead the Undertaker drops
his throat across the ropes and makes his way back in the ring. Chop to the
throat, arm bar, climb the ropes...yep, cool rope walking thing (the rope
goes LOW), axehandle. Man, that's devastating. Choke on the ropes by the
Undertaker. Kwang with a feeble punch, 'Taker with a chop to the throat.
Kwang finally has the good sense to somersault out of the way of a flying
clothesline. Kwang kicks the Undertaker out, and following Rule of RAW #1,
we take an ad break, as one of the participants is outside the ring.
When we come back, Kwang is in control. How he managed to get control, I
have no idea. No, wait, they're trading blows! No, wait, the Undertaker
has come back! No, he runs into a boot. Kwang clotheslines him out AGAIN,
he lands on his feet AGAIN. While Kwang poses (and Harvey Wippleman tries
to get him to turn around), the Undertaker gets back in and chokes him.
Kwang green spews him. 'Taker whips his hair out of his face and green
spews Kwang back. Isn't THAT interesting. Chokeslam and a pin. Harvey
does nothing. Paul Bearer does nothing but hold an urn. He's back. Feel
the collective whoop of joy. Whoop. Whoop.
Let us take you back to SummerSlam and show you some highlights of the Steel
Cage Match between the King of Harts and the Hitman. Bret wins, by the way,
but if you still would like to rent it, it'll be available 5 October.
Jim Neidhart v. Tim McNeany - Owen seems to have forgotten how much he wants
the title, promising Bret Hart that the Anvil will destory him. Camel
clutch, see ya.
Big hype for next week's big match: Jerry Lawler vs. Duke Droese. Again, I
can ease back into the rigors of calling a match.
Let us take you back to Superstars, where the King pops all of Dink's
balloons. Cue "Awwwww."
The King's Court with Doink & Dink - Lawler holds in his hand a note from
Jack Tunney's office, requesting an apology for his actions. "To show Dink
what a big man looks like," he sends in the clowns. Of course, Dink is
wearing a Burger King crown. Lawler: "I won't make any jokes about your
height--I wouldn't stoop to the level." Doink tells Lawler that there are
no hard feelings; in fact, they've bought him a present. I think it's a
midget King...nah. Lawler says he's not falling for that, he's not going to
open it. So they do, and it's a garbage can. Lawler tries to punt it into
the third row, and hurts his foot. Seems those zany, kooky clowns have
stuck a couple of 25 pound weights in there. Remember, kids, when a bad guy
hurts himself it's hilarious.
The Hart Attack Tour may be in Germany and the UK now, but get ready folks:
22 September in San Jose, 23 Sacramento, 24 Anaheim, 25 Boston, 26 (not
listed...but it's a Monday), 27 Poughkeepsie, 28 White Plains, 29
Providence, 30 Pittsburgh, and 1 October Niagra Falls.
Let us take you back again to Superstars, where Ted DiBiase delivers the
open challenge for his man, Bam Bam Bigelow. Who should answer but Adam
Bomb. There's no match, of course.
As if all that excitement wasn't enough, we get an Adam Bomb match, too.
Adam Bomb v. Dwayne Gill - Dwayne is Dwayne, which means he loses. Bomb
finishes with a suplex of some sort, which I'll call the Estonian suplex
until someone corrects me, which will probably be soon.
The New WWF Generation: We Offend Catholics.
The Bushwhackers v. Barry Hardy & Bert Centeno - Look, they're back too.
Yay.
Promos: Mortal Kombat 2, the Clinton Backwards Watch, Spiderman Venom
This match is so exciting that we sneak in an Abe Schwartz sighting.
There's some comedy here, too...depending on your definition of comedy.
That finisher is the battering ram, in case you forgot. Yawn.
Oh look, they're out in the crowd. They're so *wacky*.
Next week: Droese/Lawler, Backlund interview, Luger, Yokozuna,
Droese/Lawler. Oh, they said it twice in case we'd forgotten in ten
seconds. Man, I've missed RAW.
See you next week!
--
/ Christopher Robin Zimmerman / kzim@koko.csustan.edu / zimmerma@corsa.ucr.edu /