It feels weird to say, but I think the three hour Raw thing is working out. I was having a conversation with the lovely Megan Simon about the difficulty of doing live Raw Watch Parties, with the major reasons being 1) people who are interested in Raw want to know what’s actually happening on Raw, so when you talk over it it kinda ruins it for them, 2) Raw is pretty boring and therefore hard to be funny about for hours straight and 3) the show got bumped up from two hours to three. Her response was, “UGH, people watch that for THREE HOURS?” It sounds pretty horrible when you put it that way.

But yeah, three hours is doing more good than bad, I think. Three hours of the same commercials on loop make the third hour hard to watch because you’ve been brainwashed into thinking this pizza is at least DOUBLE what we’re charging (or whatever) and some parts of the show (the Divas, opening segments, overused finishes) haven’t moved forward. However, a lot of the show HAS, and after “longer matches” and “the tag team division,” my favorite part of the three hour Raw is when guys like Heath Slater suddenly get a POSSE.

This is probably the most obvious thing I’ll ever type in this column, but I am in for-real love with WWE’s undercard heels. Rhodes Scholar is predictably amazing, but here we’ve got Heath Slater throwing in with the two most down-on-their-luck guys still employed by WWE (Jinder Mahal and the woefully underused Drew McIntyre) to form a gaggle of nicknamed cretins hellbent on … well, not really DOING anything, but “making an impact”. They caused Heath Slater to lose a match to Santino, but they beat him up afterwards and talked into a microphone, so that’s something, right?

The best part is Jinder Mahal being “the Maharaja”. Evan Bourne should learn how to play the sitar and steal the courtesan’s love from him.

Best: Sheamus Vs. Damien Sandow Was Off The F**king Hook

For all the shit I talk about Sheamus as a character, he is a BOSS in the ring, and this match with Damien Sandow was one of the best matches I’ve seen on Raw all year. An absolute high-point, and if the Best Of Raw And Smackdown 2012 DVD comes out next year and omits this in favor of TRIPLE ADDRESSES THE WWE UNIVERSE I’m throwing my television through a Best Buy window.

Everything worked. Even the finish, which should’ve been dumb and regressive, worked pretty well as Sheamus getting in an opportune killshot on both dudes instead of systematically decimating them. One of the things Sheamus does best is allowing his opponent to legitimately beat the snot out of him, which is why his matches against people like David Otunga end up still pretty good, because Otunga forgets the awkward irish whip shit and just throws clotheslines. Sandow takes advantage of that by beating ALL of the snot out of Sheamus, and everyone’s better for it — Sandow looked like a million dollars, Cody’s interference lets Sandow lose without a hook to complain that he didn’t on the level, and Sheamus’ win means something, because he worked hard and earned it against the odds. Just great pro wrestling all the way around. If Sheamus never spoke he’d probably be my favorite wrestler.

For more on the greatness of Damien Sandow, here’s a random 411 Wrestling commenter.

I don’t get that from Sandow, at all. I see a guy who is overhyped by “smart” fans because he checks off a lot of boxes on the create-a-wrestler cheat sheet. I think he comes across as a gimmicky, made-up phoney, and I don’t see any real personality or audience connection coming through that cookie-cutter exterior, whatsoever. Besides all that, Damien Sandow is a terrible fake name for that character, and he needs to work on his costuming.

Yeah, his costuming is almost as bad as his workrate! Take that, wrestling!

Best: How Hard Cody Rhodes Is Working To Make Sure We Know WWE Came Up With ‘Rhodes Scholar’

Of course, my very favorite moment of Raw was the nonstop instance from Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes that they’d come up with their tag team name, and that NOBODY IN THE WWE UNIVERSE, ESPECIALLY ANYBODY WHO WRITES ABOUT WRESTLING ON A COMEDY SPORTS BLOG, COULD’VE COME UP WITH THEIR TEAM NAME. The idea is that they didn’t let the formal WWE Universe decide the name a la Team Hell no via a Raw Active Twitter hashtag fartfest, but the way they kept saying it, specifically saying that NOBODY other than them could have EVER named that team made me feel more directly heeled at than I’ve ever felt. I want Jack Swagger to come back in an astronaut suit and be all, “I DECIDED TO BE AN ASTRONAUT, NOBODY CAME UP WITH THAT IDEA BUT ME, JACK SWAGGER”.

And hey, I didn’t really name the team. They’re “Team Rhodes Scholars,” which doesn’t make any sense. I called them Rhodes Scholar, because one of them is Rhodes and one of them is a scholar, and because “team” is f**king implied.

Speaking of Jack Swagger, I was terrified that WWE was going to prematurely ruin my hard sci-fi arc and bring back Jack Swagger four weeks into his “extended time off”. Something about the combination of Jim Ross, Oklahoma and Michael Cole repeatedly going OH MY SOMEBODY MIGHT SHOW UP YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MIGHT SHOW UP triggered me.

I actually had a lot of problems with this segment, but the promo work was so good between Punk and Ross I ended up barely caring what they were saying. Nobody showed up (besides Punk, which didn’t warrant a WHO COULD APPEAR teaser), Punk continued to regurgitate the same couple of facts he’d like us to consider (he’s the WWE Champion, he deserves respect) and JR continued that weird story of Punk needed to beat John Cena in 500 different ways in 501 different towns to prove he’s the Best In The World. The two biggest problems of course being

1. They are pretty directly saying JOHN CENA IS THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD, but if they said it out-loud they know people would boo, and

2. FOLKS LIKE STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN AND TRIPLE H AND MICK FOLEY EARNED RESPECT! Austin earned it by shoving a celebrity guest, being sacrilegious in a wrestling promo and selling t-shirts with a bunch of slogans on them about how tough he is. He didn’t have to tell you how tough he was, even though he did and had a vest with SOB on it in sparkles, because he EARNED IT! Triple H earned it by being Shawn Michaels’ friend, not bailing when the rest of the Kliq bailed and eventually marrying the daughter of the guy who owns the company so he could get his ex-girlfriend fired and spend the next 10 years being the toughest and coolest and smartest guy in the room. He didn’t TELL you he was the King Of Kings or That Damn Good, he earned it! Mick Foley became WWE Champion when Stone Cold Steve Austin ran in and beat Foley’s opponent with a chair. Then he won it again using a forklift with a camera on it. He earned it!

Think about it, Punk. All you’ve done is win the ECW Championship, the tag team championships, the Intercontinental Championship, two Money In The Bank ladder matches, three World Heavyweight Championships, last year’s Slammy Award for Superstar Of The Year and two WWE Championships, including one that changed the direction of WWE and another that you’ve held for almost an entire year. You’ve got to EARN the title of Best In The World, like John Cena did when he lost to a retired actor at WrestleMania and wore a pink shirt because “cancer”.

Damn did this just get put up? There’s only one other comment. And Brandon, a gripe I have, because I know I’m the mostest cleverest commenter in the WLBWoRuniverse: does anyone from the west coast ever make it to the best comments?

Man, that trios report needs to happen! You already write about the embarrassing part of wrestling fandom. Why not write about the things, that if people saw, would make them go “you know, that’s not as stupid as I thought wrestling was.”?

I would love for you to write this as well. I’m not able to go to stuff like that and since I’m a stay at home mom who only gets the occasional handout, I’m not able to buy any DVDs so I have to live thru cool people like you.

Seconded. Or Fourth-ed. As someone who only has internet-column exposure to the indie scene, it would be really great to read about KoT. You’re doing the good work, Brandon. The true savior of the masses.

Yeah, Brodus getting squashed like that was borderline shocking. I know he lost to Sandow a while back but this really seemed to come out of nowhere. Good for Cesaro though. Can’t wait to see where he goes next.

Brandon, I said this last night in the open thread and I was curious to your thoughts on the matter.

“This is probably entirely crazy, but I feel that the running GM of both shows has been the weakest point of it. All plots revolve around the GM and it takes the focus from the wrestlers and onto whoever that may be. It’s detrimental to the show and we’ve been running like this for at least a decade now. I think a unique idea would be to have a hands off GM. Someone who isn’t there on a week to week basis and only steps in when needed. I know we’ve been down these roads, but a Foley or a Regal type would fit great in that role. An appearance every so often, rather than the central figure that runs the plots. It would put the focus of the feuds and the driving forces back on the wrestlers and away from the GM.”

I’ve championed shitcanning the GMs since they became a thing. Vince worked as an anti-wrestler authority figure. Everyone else is just wasting time. Wrestlers should always be the most important people on the wrestling show.

The GM should come out like once a year when two guys feet touch the floor simultaneously upon leaving the cage or when Zack Ryder upper decks Vicki Guerrero’s toilet. It’s not like David Stern comes out at half time of every lakers game and decided Kobe has to shoot left handed in the 3rd period.

Way effing late on this, but right on. Vince pulled this off because Vince played the role pre-Rock-Paper-Scissors-organizational-flow-chart-of-WWE-authority. He was the owner, no one could touch him, and then occasionally Commissoner HBK would show up in a cowboy hat and hypershort shorts to put him in his place when convenient. There’s been zero reason to care who’s “in charge” in a decade, minimum.

Did you hear Michael Cole really briefly mention something about Heath Slater sending out a tweet last week mentioning something about “Encorre”? I swear, WWE is shoot plagiarizing from Brandon and the comments section.

seriously Brandon, for us international fans that don’t know much if anything about CHIKARA other than the hype it gets from comments, a B&B (that’s best and best because that’s how you people hype it, goddamit! *Vince voice*) would do wonders to attract new eyes to it and that’s a win for everyone

I must say I had youtubed Chikara before but since you announce the meet up and any mention since, I have youtubed the shit out of Chikara and I’m really glad I did and I thank you (and every WithLeather-ite that has hyped it)

I’m not Brandon, but I checked out King of Trios based completely on the hype of this column, and I’m really glad I did. It’s genuinely funny, great action, and a generally great overarching attitude of fun that I really enjoy, If you haven’t yet, you should take the plunge and get it.

I went to the show last night (my first ever, for any promotion!) and wanted to chime in with a brief live report in the comments:

1. The JR Appreciation Night actually happened after the show. Vince McMahon and Triple H came out — while I can’t say I’m a huge fan of either as current characters, it was definitely a cool moment, if only to see them in a non-televised state. There were also a few Oklahoma legends on-hand. I am not from OK or the Midwest, so I already forget who they were.

2. I was glad they did this because I was sort of annoyed by JR Appreciation Night on the televised Raw. It was not only predictable, but a little tasteless in light of what happened to Lawler. Granted, they didn’t get physical, and that was good, but as Brandon has touched on since the incident, it’s sometimes distressing how quickly WWE dives back into story mode and forgets any humanity it could have from time to time.

3. Weird thing about the Sandow-Sheamus match: I was loving, but the crowd wasn’t. I think it was because Sheamus hardly sold any pinfalls: he was sometimes kicking out before the ref even counted to one. And so while the match was a long and competitive one, everyone in the crowd was restless. The dudes in my section said things like:

So while Sheamus is good at taking offense, he certainly needs to sell these falls a bit more. It was really weird to watch live. He wasn’t rallying the crowd to thinking he might actually lose. It’s a shame, because it was the best match of the night and deserved a reaction recognizing it as such.

4. This was my first event, and I still knew about the whole “you’re not going to be on camera if you’re sitting on the camera side.” Why do others struggle with this?

5. Again, it’s my first live event, so maybe this is a newbie thing to say, but what’s the point of the post-Raw dark match? It was depressing. Since it was Sheamus/Punk and announced beforehand, followed by ads for the new ion show, I thought we’d actually see it filmed. But it was just a quickie match: Punk is a coward for a bit, then hits Sheamus with belt for DQ, then gets Brogue Kick’d so everyone goes home happy … even though they hadn’t yet finished JR Appreciation Night, which ruined the whole “go home on a wrestling finisher high” thing. So weird.

6. Oh, maybe the funniest thing that happened all night: before the show, Justin Roberts is doing all of his announcer business — getting us riled up, getting the signs up, etc. etc. But awkwardly inserts, as quickly and quietly as possible: “Since John Cena won’t be here tonight, you have until the second match to claim your refund.”

I am torn if I’ll ever go back again. I had a lot of fun for the first hour, just because it was so weird to see this televised thing live, but the people are insane. And I sort of get why: the show is so built for the television audience that the crowd just decides, “Oh, OK, let’s just be as obnoxious as possible to try to get our voices and faces on TV.”

Slider: No, I did not notice any sort of walkout after the Cena announcement. But it was done so quietly and hastily (and before Superstars had even begun, if I recall correctly) that I wonder how many people even noticed. In fact, I think the way it was worded might have even suggested that Cena would not be “performing,” which certainly could have been interpreted as “not wrestling but still appearing.”

Hermano: I figured as much. Maybe this one was weird because they tried to cram it in between the end of the show and the JR tribute. Also might have been a bit of “no Cena” compensation.

I went to a taping earlier this year, and while it was fun, I think it would be better to go witth friends with similar tastes in wrestling (and by that, I mean people that read With Leather). I felt bad at times for cheering for the heels and booing the faces because some of the people around me seemed so earnest in their love of Santino (who I did clap for, but against Ricardo, there’s no way I wasn’t going to root for the heels). Also, I was the ONLY person in the arena to shout for joy when Otunga showed up, so yeah. Would have been nice to have a buddy with me on it.

You know, as a kid, my family bought tickets to a show before Wrestlemania VI, and shortly after that, they put Hogan “out” for a while when Earthquake attacked him. Vince didn’t offer us refunds for HOGAN not being there, but they’ll do it for Jern Cena?

Thank you Brandon for writing a great column yet again. But I have to say that your BaW stuff being good has been bad for me. Let me count the ways.

1) I started watching PPVs again (about a year ago)
2) I have begun watching RAW again (not every episode, but most of the 3 hour ones!)
3) I feel slighted when I don’t get to read what you thought about I show I watched (*ahem* Night of Champions?) because…
4) I agree with mostly everything you write and I feel validated.
5) I of course can’t discuss this stuff with any person I know, because no one I interact with regularly even knows that wrestling exists.

But I am grateful to you for writing this stuff. Anyway I loved the Tag Team Tournament (though it’s a little predictable. The final will be Rey/Cara losing to Millions of Dollas because almost every match has to be good guys vs. bad guys), Rhodes Scholars, Heath Ledger and “The Band”…

I can’t believe they haven’t massed produced an “I am the Tag Team Champions” t-shirt, only to follow it up with “We are the tag team champions” t-shirt in December or January when Kane and D Bry finally become BFF’s. I’d buy both.

ALso, if Big Show would have yelled “That’s raycess!” to Sheamus and then beat the holy hell out of Sheamus, I would have bought his shitty t-shirt after I died of laughter from the irony of Big Show calling someone a racist.

“Poor Brodus”

I disagree. He doesn’t bring me much joy and isn’t exactly very good inside the ring. I’d like him to get shipped down to NXT and develop.

“Think about it, Punk. All you’ve done is win the ECW Championship, the tag team championships, the Intercontinental Championship, two Money In The Bank ladder matches, three World Heavyweight Championships, last year’s Slammy Award for Superstar Of The Year and two WWE Championships, including one that changed the direction of WWE and another that you’ve held for almost an entire year. You’ve got to EARN the title of Best In The World, like John Cena did when he lost to a retired actor at WrestleMania and wore a pink shirt because “cancer”.”

Missed the boat on that one, didn’t they? They could’ve had two versions, one for Bryan and one for Kane, and then used this version for the “We are the tag team champions” one. Rare missed opportunity to milk extra money out of their fanbase that doesn’t usually happen with the ‘E.

Not sure why “thankth” made me laugh so hard for so long, but it did. Great report Brandon. Last night just cemented my new dream match of Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro, and I’m prepared to do the hardest basement rioting anyone’s ever seen to get it.

Biggest laughs (some may have been derisive) of the night for me, in no particular order:
–Ryback failing to lift Tensai twice.
–Brodus Clay losing like a bitch.
–The comments section here being all “OMG, Cody is trolling Brandon specifically. Our man Brandon came up with that name, the writers must all read B&W!!!!!11111!!!”
–Big Show’s podium falling apart, and Show’s attempt to make a joke to play it off.

Please do something on King of Trios. A lot of us weren’t able to go and would like a first-person account that isn’t awful and this is a pretty big platform for people who otherwise wouldn’t check out a CHIKARA show.

In other news I was just watching the Best of Nitro on Netflix, and it made me realize, nothing is super exciting anymore. I remembered the feelings I used to have and how I never have those anymore. The last time was at MITB 11 and ….I dunno, I’ve gone off on a tangent.

But the column is awesome, and I really would love to see Kaitlyn lay out AJ.

omg Brandon you had to remind me of how much I’ve slacked on that Tumblr. ;_; Now I gotta be all responsible and shit. (but really, I appreciate your enthusiasm. Thank you. <3)

Ricardo on commentary was the highlight of my RAW-watching evening (as usual I miss the first 90 minutes thanks to work), and I totally agree that the way he naturally says 'Alberto' is awesome, but I also love his extended Albertoooooooo since it reminds me of old soccer play-by-play commentators, which is what I imagine he's going for when he does that.

Nice column. I am 100% in agreement with you about the CM Punk storyline (“You can’t call yourself the best in the world, now watch us call John Cena the best in the world.”) and the AJ Lee character. The sad thing about her is she came outta nowhere and they killing all the momentum she created for herself. She broke the Zack Ryder rule: Thou shalt not put thyself over.

AJ has above average acting chops and they are making her into a hybrid of Stephanie McMahon and Teddy Long as GMs. Instead of evolving her character, all they are doing is repeated the same thing. She mentally unstable, she makes things personal, she unoriginal. Same shit; different person.

All the Stephadore McLong experiment is doing is making me sad about the wasted potential in AJ. I guess we can all look forward to the upcoming AJ Mendez-Mickie James feud for the TNA Knockout Championship.

(See, WWE. AJ is making me consider watching TNA after you release her. Don’t you ignore me! I know you read this stuff! You have an attactive woman who can talk and not sound like a MacInTalk cutting a promo. USE HER!)

That being said, you need to get over yourself with the whole “Rhodes Scholar” thing. The night they first appeared to be aligned, I could probably count 20 other people that came up with the exact same name almost immediately. It doesn’t take a creative genius to think up. As a matter of fact, it’s extremely obvious.

So get over it, because you’re making yourself look like a tool. And I like what you do here, so I’d like to keep reading.

Glad to see Brandon write positively about Sheamus’s in-ring skills. He’s been killing it this year in his matches and it’s such a shame they’re trying to turn him into a Cena clone with all the kiddie humor and casual racism and super-heroics. If he had just kept his old angry, fightin’ Irish character, I think he’d be even more popular than he is now.

Brandon, loved the article as always. I can totally understand the Trios stuff too and am saddened but totally cool with whatever you decide.

My only request is that when I email or message you six months from now, you tell me the three things in Trios 2012 that made you cry. I’d ask now, but I’m only up to Trios 2011 right now and don’t want anything spoiled.

Sheamus wrestles matches in which his opponents utterly wail on him. Sheamus acts like a five-year old. WWE should just link them and suggest that Sheamus’ urge to fight has caused him to suffer severe brain trauma and that’s why he acts li…er, maybe too close to home with Christ Voldemort. Disregard. Too bad, because that would also work with Jern.

To Tensais credit, when they botched the first try, they did a new where he clearly and obviously blocked the attempt to lift him. It works with his weird “counter to moves everyone else seems vulnerable to” thing he had in the matches with Orton and last Smackdown against Ryback. So it was not so jarringly obviously a botch to the casual viewer, especially with JRs commenting.

And yes: Ricardo commentary was the greatest thing all night after Kaitlyn and AJ-in-referee-bikini

not that it NEEDS validation or anything, but how is one of the best Bests of the year slighted when daniel bryan, kane, cm punk, and dolph ziggler are all in the ring at the very same time shouting about their accolades while vikki paul heyman and aj are also present?

“Big Show’s point of view. Sheamus can’t kick that high, and he should probably be able to brute force Sheamus to the ground and murder him with something because his finisher is a goddamn punch, and how hard is that to land? Just keep trying until one connects. Boom, instant Dead Sheamus.”

Couldn’t agree more. Ever since Big Show made that his finisher I pretty much spend his matches going, “Uhp – coulda punched him then…coulda punched him then…” If you made it a drinking game you’d be unconscious within five minutes.

Also: “I SMELL FANTASTIC!” should be on a T-shirt. That rescued the segment for me.

Soon, we must see if he takes the $. If he refuses, you come from behind with the giant net. I’ll bring the sledgehammer, stare at it for a bit, then take out all of our anger on,,this watermelon that happened to be next to Brandon. Then he’ll agree to write the report, and we all celebrate by eating smashed watermelon.

Anyone else see Ryback 100% blaming Tensai for that botch? Yelling STUPID at him afterwards, a la Orton to Kofi way back when. Given that Ryback did struggle a bit on Smackdown to get him up, I am gonna say it’s not all on Tensai.