American History as Misunderstood by a 5-Year-Old

Children are stupid. It's not their fault, but neither is their inferiority at pick-up basketball, and that doesn't stop us from ridiculing them every time we block their shot. With this in mind, we asked you to depict some of American history's most significant events as they would be understood by a 5-year-old child. We offered $50 to the winner, and the prize-winning entry is below. But first, the runners-up ...