People say his mother is an atheist, but she is actually a Muslim posing as an agnostic. In short, Barack is half-black, but all Jesus-hater. His Dad is supposedly from Africa (as if the place even existed), and Obama hasn't lived the typical experiences of an African-American. Fine, so he's half-African-African-American. Or so they tell us. We don't see race.

Barack Obama is a Latte Liberal...slurp!

President Obama is a Plutonium-Level Member of the Debt-Miles Reward Program

Contents

Presidency?

FUBO: We don’t know what it means, but I am sure Obama™ doesn’t like it… Try looking here: FUBAR

Obama™ is such an egomaniac that he photoshoped his own Halo… yeah right. Like that’s real…

There is doubt regarding the legitimacy of the Obama Presidency. Starting with questions surrounding his citizenship, Real Americans called for his immediate impeachment.

The Americans who only wanted to follow the letter of the Constitution and awaited a full and thorough recount were emboldened when, during his swearing-in ceremony, Hussein-Obama refused to recite the oath correctly. Thus, adding one more reason to the pile of reasons for impeaching him.

A subset of the original group analyzed the tapes of the ceremony and quickly deduced that Obama was not President, but could not determine who the President was. The next night, during his wildly popular award-winning newsprogram, "The Colbert Report,"Dr. Stephen T. Colbertcalled the presidency for famed cellistYo-Yo Ma, who met the Constitutional requirements.

Forged Birth Certificate

His Secret Muslimism may come from his secretive birth. A great American internets tube has discovered that the doctor who created a birth certificate for a "Barack Hussein Obama" born in the kingdom of Hawaii was named Dr. X Coincidence? I think not.

Asian Adoption

A great American uncovered the adoption of Mr. Hussein Obama by a terrorist Asian named Lolo Soetoro, who enrolled him in his first madrassa in Muslim Indonesia.

It is not clear if his marriage was arranged there or after he was illegally smuggled into the United States in a shipment of plantains and spiders.

Obama and the NERD connection

Obama has been denying allegations over the years that he was once a member of the "Nerd Patrol". Yet damning evidence has been piling up for years. While Obama may have hidden his "nerd" identity, by covering it up with a more cool and suave facade, this has not fooled our anti-nerd agency from digging up enough evidence to demonstrate otherwise. Obama is not cool, he is a nerd... no worst, he is a black nerd! The black nerd is one of those rare species of nerds. Dont be fooled, while the majority of blacks are either gansta or cool or both, there is a small minority that is even more oppressed and hated than the blacks... and that is the black nerd. These black factinistas and D&D players have betrayed their black race and ghetto heritage by adopting the ways of the nerds, that is being smart, square, successful, and geeky. These black nerds have been trying to disguise their nerd heritage by blending with their cool and gansta brothers, hoping no one would notice. Obama was no different. However, like many nerds, he couldnt resist to buy his weekly comic books, participate in gencon for the latest in gaming goods, partake in cosplay during his animecon years, and go to the annual comicon convention to get his fix... leaving a trail of evidence for all of us to follow.

UPDATE PART IV: Nerd assassin fails to kill Obama with a book, instead The Nerd in Chief absorbed the contents of the book thus increasing his brain power. Next time, try one of those trashy books that no one reads, that should kill him.

The Hype

When the liberal media got tired after a day or two of talking about the 2006 midterm elections, they turned their attention to the 2008 Presidential race and decided that Barack Hussein Obama would be a good candidate. They tried to call him Barack "Tiger" Obama. They ditched that6 idea after discovering that he sucks as golf.

Even the once Axis-of-Evil-turned-into-liberals Japanese cant get enough of Obama!

The Name

Barack Hussein Obama holds the all-time record for "Worst Possible Name for an American Politician." Not only does his first name sound like Iraq, and his surname sounds a hell of a lot like "Osama," his freakin' middle name is HUSSEIN! Thus Republican claims of his status as the Antichrist are proven.

Just in case none of the naming stuff works, the actress who asked Tennessee Senate candidate Harold Ford to "Call me," is still on retainer for the RNC.

Who is this guy?

The dress is not a mooslim clothes, but a tribal African dress... WHERE HE WAS BORN!!!!

We don't know. He won't say anything. But if one does a little bit of research it will not take long to realize that he is a baby killing machine.

Enough about what he is, who is he?

The son of a single mother, he attended a Wahhabist Madrassa under the tutelage of Osama Bin Laden. He grew up in Chicago's south side; he has never said that, while there, he didn't sell crack to blond school girls and force them in prostitution.

When his ho empire was large enough, Osama Obama bought himself a couple of college degrees and blackmailed Richard Daley into getting him appointed State Senator, an office he assumed by being sworn in on a Bible. AKWARD!!!

In 2004 at the DNC he used his black magic to convince Democrats that he would make a good Presidential candidate.

Previous to his purchase of the Democratic Presidential Nomination, Hussein Obama was engaged in the following;

Let's take a look at the last 50 years of his life shall we?

Up until August 4, 1961, Barack Hussein Obama's past is shrouded in mystery. Where was he? What was he doing? No one seems to know. The NSA and the CIA have both hinted that they have some sketchy information about this period in his life, but nothing concrete has been released to the public. Although he's been asked to clarify this part of his history multiple times, Barack Hussein has been uncharacteristically close-mouthed about what "exactly" he was up to.

Obama and his maternal grandparents

The first recorded event we have on file for Barack Hussein however, on 8-4-61, involves some sort of direct contact with, and possible molestation of, a much older white woman. While the Ku Klux Klan has been lobbying for Hussein's head on a stick ever since, he has remained shielded from their righteous anger by the liberal media, which seeks to deify him.
For several years after '61, Hussein was a real pal to such leftist and counter-culture individuals as John Lennon, Liberace, and of course Teddy Roosevelt. His long time love affair with Marlyn Monroe and JFK is, of course, a matter of public record, but what's not commonly known is that he was the "catcher" in that particular twisted relationship.

B. Hussein Obama, circa 1979.

Moving into the late 60's and early 70's, Barack Hussein spent a lot of time smoking weed, being cool and feeling groovy. He probably marched in a protest too, but who can say for certain. What is known is that he received terrorist training, specifically to become a suicide bomber. In 1968 he was activated with the express purpose of stopping us from putting a man on the moon. Fortunately, the bomb he was carrying was a dud.

Help! I'm being mugged!

Upon returning to the U.S. from Cape Canaveral, Hussein Obama was contacted by radical leftist and well known terrorist sympathizer George Lucas to play a starring role in his hippie propaganda piece American Graffiti. Obama took to the role with gusto under the pseudonym "Harrison Ford".
This started a long long career of depravity in the employ of Lucas and his terrorist organization, Al Queda (California Division). Obama went on to make some of the most horrid movies of all time, proving his only desire was to destroy the country. (Temple of Doom anyone?)

Eventually, stardom took it's toll, and while sitting in the Chevy Chase wing of the Betty Ford Rehab center, Hussein Obama decided that the answer to his burning quest for the destruction of America lay in the foreign country of Hawaii. Traveling there on the wings of Darkness, he enrolled in Clown College.

From his book "How and Why I want to Destroy America"

Barack Hussein Obama Bananna Nanna Fofanna, Obama

"Clown College was the best answer to my driving need to see America fall. May Allah burn them for 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 years in lakes of tar when the godless pig-dogs of the west finally face my juggling skills!"

Of course, we all know that Obama was a washout in Clown College, partially because of his penchant for beheading other students when he discovered that they were Americans. Fleeing several CIA hit teams he decided to hide out at LA-X with terrorists Hunter S. Thompson and Bette Midler. Becoming a baggage handler there, he has been linked by the FBI to some, if not all of the following;

Dropping bags.

Packing bags so tightly together that the jaws of life were needed to seperate them.

Brought To You By The Letter "B"

As talk of Obama 08 heated up, several GOP talking heads experimented with various truthy ways of pronouncing the Senator's name. All involved emphasizing that middle name, but some of the more creative alternatives also shifted his first name to "BEAR-ack" or "BAR-ock."

Extra points are given to Fox News guests if the "B" in Obama is replaced accidentally by an "S": "Osama... I mean "Oh-BOMB-uh..."

CNN: Where's Obama

Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer asks the question "Where's Obama" as they cover a story on the hunt for Al Qaeda's leadership.

CNN makes the Ahmadinejad connection

Congratulations are in order for CNN's Jeff Greenfield who figured out the proper link between Iran's President and Barack Hussein Obama. It's all about his fashion choices on the "book tour" trail and his decision to wear a suit without a tie. Greenfield made the connection on the Dec. 11, 2006 Wolf Blitzer show:

But, in the case of Obama, he may be walking around with a sartorial time bomb. Ask yourself, is there any other major public figure who dresses the way he does? Why, yes. It is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who, unlike most of his predecessors, seems to have skipped through enough copies of GQ to find the jacket-and-no-tie look agreeable.

Heritage

Connection to Obama Osama bin Laden

Obama bin Laden spending "Spring Break" with his "pal".

Obama's New Republican White Friend

Aside from the similarities in their names, Barack Hussein Obama and bin Laden also share the characteristic of being autotrophic lifeforms. If Obama truly wanted to distance himself from the terrorist leader, he would have chosen to be a chemotrophic lifeform, such as the ocean-dwelling tube worms that live on volcanic vents off the coast of Chile.

Family & Friends

Obama's father (left) at his first job after coming to America, with a typical American (right)

Did you know that Karls Marx was Obama Bin Laden great granddaddy?

Barack Hussein Obama is the son of the renowned African-Muslim goat-herder, Malcolm X, from Kenya who met Barack's mother, a Hawaiian-Atheist princess, while he was studying as a foreign-exchange student at the University of Hawaii. His parents divorced when Barack, Jr. was only two. As a result, Barack was raised by a pack of Africanbears who taught him the Kenyan art of herding. Since there weren't many goats in Hawaii at the time, Obama Sr used cats. Young Barack's cat-herding experience would later allow him to advance quickly in Democratic Party politics which has often been compared to cat-herding.

When not herding cats, Barack Hussein Obama went to a Militant Islamic elementary school.

Young Barack Hussein Obama's precocious foreign-policy experience continued when his mother remarried, again to a foreign exchange student. Hubby #2 was from Indonesia. Young Barack Hussein Obama attended school there for a few years before returning to Hawaii.

Growing up he was tall and skinny (like his cousin Osama Bin Laden), everyone called him "beanpole"Episode #330 and he never ate grits.

Recently, a few of Barack Hussein Obama's aquaintances have caused many to take notice and question his friendships: Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Barack Hussein Obama's "crazy uncle"/mentor, has blurted some really offensive statements about honkies; and Antoin Rezko, a former business associate of Barack Hussein Obama, has just been found guilty on 16 of 24 counts of fraud. When asked to remark on Mr. Rezko's apparent criminal behavior, Barack Hussein Obama responded: " This is not the same Tony Rezko that I knew." This statement just goes to show that Barack Hussein Obama doesn't know anyone that he knows!

Connection to Kenyan Terrorism

Raila Amolo Odinga, cousin of Barack Hussein Obama Jr., is waging Jihad on Kenya's government. Barack Obama Sr. founded the Militant Islamic movement and later passed onto his nephew Odinga. If Obama Jr.'s mother didn't divorce Obama Sr., Obama Jr. would have become the leader of the movement.

Connections to Evil Alien Empire

Recently, it has bean revealed that Obama is actually a member of the Skrull empire attempting to infiltrate the US government.

Connections To Chicago Mobsters And Domestic Terrorists

Around 1979 Obama started college at Occidental in California.[5] He is very open about his two years at Occidental, he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time but, even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply himself to his studies. 'Barry' (the name he used all his life[6]) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan.[7] During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college, he made a 'round the world' trip. Stopping to see his mother in Indonesia, next Hyderabad in India, three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family, then off to Africa to visit his father's family. My question - Where did he get the money for this trip?[8] When he came back, he started school at Columbia University in New York. It is at this time he wants everyone to call him Barack - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap! Where did he get money for tuition? Student Loans? Maybe. After Columbia, he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer for $12,000. a year. Why Chicago? Why not New York? He was already living in New York.

By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko,[9] born in Aleppo, Syria, and a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year. Rezko, was named 'Entrepreneur of the Decade' by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association'.[10] About two years later, Obama entered Harvard Law School. Do you have any idea what tuition is for Harvard Law School? Where did he get the money for Law School? More student loans? After Law school, he went back to Chicago. Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down. But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland.[11] Guess what? They represented 'Rezar', Rezko's firm. Rezko was one of Obama's first major financial contributors when he ran for office in Chicago. In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money' for his U.S. Senate race.[12] In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in Kenwoood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than asking price).[13] With all those Student Loans - Where did he get the money for the property? On the same day Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty lot for full price. The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire, loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's new home was purchased.[14] Obama met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko.

Barack Hussein Obama negotiating with a Gay Butt-sex Pirate…

Obama, The Anti-Christ

A campaign poster for the Obama Dictatorship after being leaked[2] to the press in October 2008, featuring a flag designed specifically to appease Obama's overinflated ego.

Several reputable news sources have boldly claimed that Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ. At first, one may quickly dismiss this possibility, but as one takes a closer look, it becomes very apparent that he is indeed the Anti-Christ.

"a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent (named Barack Obama), who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal.... the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destroy everything."[15]

4. If Obama isn't the Anti-Christ, why wouldn't he just come out and say so?

Politics

Barack Hussein Obama didn't have time to write any Senate bills, but he did pen a best-selling book.

Gay bear-loving liberals love their Comrade Obama

Barack Hussein Obama claims to be a Christian even though he has refused to change his name to something more pleasing to The Baby Jesus.

He later went to Columbia, where he got a degree in "International Drug Trafficking" and "Hoes and Bitches Studies". After graduating from Columbia, he moved to Chicago to work on "social issues" with a church group. Although he was working for a supposed "faith-based charity", the group he chose to work with focused on liberal issues like "economic disparity" and "justice" rather than the approved Republican red-meat issues like gay marriage and abortion. This makes Obama's work even more dangerous than stuff done by Non Faith Based Charities because it tries to confuse people into thinking that God and the baby Jesus care about things that are not part of the Greatest President Ever's agenda.

Barack Hussein Obama is a proud and active member of a so-called "church" that recognizes gay pastors and supports gay marriage. The United Church of Christ includes among its congregations a huge Dallas mega-church, the Cathedral of Hope. Most of the thousands of members of that congregation are gay, proven by their choice of festive attire and claims of "feeling" The Spirit.

Hussein Obama also steals candy from babies, defaces public property, and has his own gang.

Despite that questionable religious background, Barack Hussein Obama often talks about his supposed "faith" in speeches.

Barack Hussein Obama was recently featured on a Time Magazine cover. Finally the liberal press gets something right.Levels Adjusted.

He was elected to the Illinois legislature after a failed attempt to snag a seat in the US Congress. His cat-herding skills served him well there, as he became a widely known and remarked politician there.

It didn't hurt that Oprah taped her show in Chicago since Barack Hussein Obama got himself invited on to share the same couch jumped on by Tom Cruise. That made him just famous enough that he was invited to give the keynote address at the John Kerry coronation during the 2004 Democratic Convention.

All three-dozen people who watched that silly exercise were impressed with Barack Hussein Obama's speech.

In 2004, during the second Bush Landslide, Barack Hussein Obama was elected to the US Senate easily because the residents of Chicagoland don't know any better after years of brain-washing by the Daley family. It also helped that Obama's Republican opponent, Jack Ryan, was forced to drop out when it was revealed he had sex with his wifeJeri Ryan. Star Treknerds were offended that he had befouled 7-of-9, and forced Ryan's ouster from the race.

Alliance With Bears & Other Terrorists

Hussein Obama engages in a secret bear handshake with a German. You know who else shook hands with Germans?

Obama happily poses with a known anti-American!

Obama paling around with Pedobear

Being a Muslim, Mr. Hussein Obama was born into a clan of bears. But, it wasn't until July 2008, during a visit to Germany that Mr. Hussein Obama's alliance became public.

Berlin's Mayor, Klaus Wowereit, presented Mr. Hussein Obama with the gift of a porcelain bear figurine. Allegedly, the bear is the symbol of Berlin.

There is no question that Mr. Hussein Obama chose Berlin as the location for his speech because of its mascot.

Perceptive reporters were able to recognize the meaning of this exchange. Inquiring reporters now want investigations into the number of bears Mr. Hussein Obama owns, real, stuffed and figurine.

Barack Hussein Obama has recently admitted that "The Bears are close to my heart" in a press confference.

Hussein Obama has the Polar Bear vote

His real feelings about bears

Muslims aren't all bad.

On an episode of The Colbert Report, Obama appeared via satellite. When there he & Colbert were looking for something to take off of the On Notice board. He said, "Well It can't be Bears. There the #1 threat facing Americans"

Speech Thief

Barack Obama may or may not be honest, but no one disputes his blatant plagiarism. Mr. Hussein Obama has stolen from every great American and claimed it was all his own ideas.

The Council of Doom

The Council of Doom has made it their #3 priority to make sure that Barack Obama does what is right for the people of America. By getting polls every hour, the Council can force Barack Obama to go with the polls. He is hard on the outside, but very soft on the inside, like a barnacle. Once the Council gets control, they will continue to assure that the country is run correctly by brainwashing him, then programming a clone of him to do what the voters want. It will be the greatest dynasty the great America has ever seen. This short paragraph brought to you by the Council of Doom: We Got Your Back.

The Liberal Elite

That One flaunting his elitism for the liberal media.

Barack Obama is a Latte Liberal. Proof of this is not needed, but will be provided:

Issues He's Flip-Flopped On

Obama May Be An Elitist, But Obama has actually saved us from the Bear Uprising of 2012. You see, Obama chose to keep Bush's Secretary of defense, Robert Gates as Secretary of Defense. By doing this, eventually Gates will be Shot in the face by Dick Cheney. After this, Obama will choose Stephen Colbert as Secretary of Defense. Colbert will then use his political power to Challenge the Colbear To a final battle in the roman Colosseum. Colbert will then turn into his alter-ego The Rampaging Colbert and kill the Colbear once and for all.
The ultimate climax of the final battle of the bear uprising.
The ultimate climax of the final battle of the bear uprising.
Being an American Hero, Colbert will Easily win the 2016 Presidential Election, With Mike Huckabee as his Running mate, and as his first order of business,he will have all bears killed in order to make sure a bear uprising never happens again. and we will all live happily ever after.

Stealing the election

Who's mugging who here?

On November 4, 2008, Obama hypnotized a record number of voters into filling their ballots with lies and, in what history will surely recognize as a coup (and not the good, military kind), Obama became the 44th President of the United States, as well as the first What We're Told Is Black President. Not satisfied with stealing John McCain's birthright, he then bullied Congress into letting his Democrat buddies steal a large number of seats. (Gordon Smith is notoriously vulnerable to wedgies and wet willies during an election). Real Americans will simply have to hide for the next four years and await freedom's return, presumably brought on by a rag-tag band of plucky Texas oilmen.

REALLY AMERICA???? YOU ELECTED THIS GUY???!!!!

Why Obama may not be the new President

♫♪ Mammy, how I love ya, how I love ya...My dear ol' Mammy! ♫♪

The Liberal Media will tell you that Obama is the new 44th President of America, not so fast! There are many reasons that may not be: