My Last Married Christmas - It's Hard To Believe

Most Read

This weekend was full of snow and baking and kid-things and Disney movies and I realized in the middle of it all: This is my last married Christmas.

Not that it's a big punch in the gut or anything, really. He's been gone three years and other than a really uncomfortable Christmas morning that we tried to share nine months after he moved out, we haven't had Christmas together at all. The kids have adjusted to two families and revel in the double Christmas thing. I'm used to a quiet Christmas Eve spent mostly without them, and life has continued to move on.

But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a little wistfulness that goes with the realization. Our very first Christmas in this house, I was six months pregnant with Anna, and we had a big open house with all our family and friends and the place was decked out in all its holiday finery. Christmas Eve night we had Peter's family all around us, rubbing my tummy and I was so happy, I thought sure I'd burst from it.

That night, Peter held me as we sat on the floor looking at the tree, talking about all the Christmases to come, and the baby and the grandkids someday, and how this was the start of it all. I fell asleep in his arms and all was right with my world. I remember him holding Anna up so she could touch the lights on the tree a few years later. I remember the two of us looking in on David, sleeping in his bed and drooling on his stuffed Elmo doll on Christmas Eve. I remember it all, and I'll always remember when we were the family we used to be.

You can't go home again, they say. Not to that home, anyway. But I can have the home we've made since, and it's pretty awesome. It's a home made of living room campouts and family movie nights, sledding in the front yard and splashing in the pop-up pool. It's family and friends and a thousand other bits of laughter and love that make us a family, no matter how many houses we live in now.

Did you find yourself getting a little sentimental on your last married Christmas? Or were you just relieved?