Welcome to the Official Website of the Disjointed Jewish Communities of Creedmoor.
Dovid Schmoigerman is the Admou"r meCreedmoor, leader of an extremist anti-Zionist Chassidic communiity comprised of his own 150 quintillion multiple personalities, all registered for welfare, food stamps and other entitlement programs while residing in abandoned buildings located on the campus of the Creedmoor Psychiatric Hospital, as well as in Alcatraz and on the Former Planet Known as Pluto.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Another golden oldie:

Also circa spring 1999: this one is edited as the Usenet original contained incorrect information regarding the relationship between NK and another community.

In translating and transcribing Reb Moshe Dreckschreiber's article in Panim Shevuros and Yated Ne'elam, I came across his background notes, which explain just how the Admou"r meCreedmoor ended up in this exalted facility, and how he came to establish a chassidic court there. With permission from Dreckschreiber and his publisher, the Chofetz Chaim Shoulzon, I present the following:

Rav Moshe Hirsch of Mea Shearim, a Brooklyn-born fanatic anti-Zionist, was feeling very alone one day. After all, when one is put in cherem even by Neturei Karta, one is indeed very much alone in this world. Sure enough, a half-baked young baal tshuva by the name of David Goldman knocked on his door, carrying a dog-eared copy of Vayoiel Moshe, which was missing at least a third of the pages.

Goldman, a student at the Shavu Banos yeshiva and house of entertainmentin Mea Shearim, had been sent to Hirsch after having been the only Jew to ever acheive the honor of being expelled from the Breslover community. This community, which is known for its acceptance of all Jews and its oftentimes offbeat nature, just could not find a place for a bochur who insisted on praying from his own siddur, which contained nothing but the words "Zionism is Heresy," albeit with a four letter word in place of heresy. Goldman later produced another version, with a four letter word preceding the word Zionism. Hirsch finally had someone who could appreciate his views.

Hirsch invited Goldman to live with him and to study with him. However, as time passed, even Hirsch lost patience with his young protege. Goldman retained some vestiges of Breslover practice; to wit hisbodedus, or running through the forests, crying out to God. However, Goldman inevitably performed hisbodedus by running through Jaffa Road in the middle of the day, clad only in underwear which was 3 sizes too big for him, yelling "The Zionist Heresy is Coming to an End" in Hebrew, English, Yiddish and Pig Latin. Many a time his mentor would have to visit the police station, where he was persona non grata and whose authority he did not recognize, to bail Goldman out. Another of Goldman's favorite escapades was to write anti-Zionist graffiti on every wall of every public bathroom in Jerusalem - men's and women's rooms alike. When Goldman attempted to enter the donkey's cage in the Tisch Zoo in Yerushalayim, clad only in a condom and with a paintbrush in his hand, poised to write the words "Zionists are A**es" on its posterior after apparently attempting to repeatedly engage in giluy arayos with the poor creature, enough was enough. (Incidentally, Goldman explained that incident by saying that the donkey represented Zionism, and he wanted to "F--k Zionism").

Hirsch, who refused to have his protege hospitalized in a "Zionist" mental institution in Israel, such as Kfar Shaul or Be'er Yaakov, put him on a plane to the US. There, he met a cousin of Moshe Hirsch's, who drove him from Kennedy Airport right to Long Island. On the way, his driver told him he was going to a place where a rabbi was needed; a rabbi who would instruct and build his community in the ways of fanaticism as exemplified by the phrase "Shaygets Aroys."

Hirsch had informed the driver that Goldman was to take the title of Admou"r of his new community, as it would rhyme quite nicely with the name of the place: Creedmoor. (At thattime, the Thoraziner Rov, Yehuda Silver, was the non-Chassidic rabbinical leader of the Creedmoor community; he welcomed the arrival ofthe Admou"r by pelting him with stuffing from the pads in his cell and putting on a sound and light show with the electrodes of the electroshock machine. For this, the Rov was denied dayroom privileges for 6 days, and could not meet the Admou"r until Shabbos, when he was too heavily sedated to remember a thing. He subsequently disappeared; his whereabouts are unknown.)

Soon enough, the new Admou"r attracted a following; not one, but three Moshe Rabbenus, two Moshiachs, four David ha-Melechs, a Shlomo or two, and Jewish and secular luminaries ranging from the Ramba"m to Einstein to Napoleon to Mussolini. He would attract them with his Creedmoorer nigunim, many of which he had written on the walls of Jerusalem rest rooms only months before. A favorite was "Yerushalayim shel ha-Tachat," which he would sing while accompanying himself with maracas made from half full bottles of Thorazine.But no one would become more attached to the Admou"r than Warren Losey, about whom much has been said in the first article.

About Me

I am the Creedmoor Chronicler, the journalist who found Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman wallowing in three tons of ashes produced by the burning of a multi-use warehouse complex in Red Hook just before real estate values there skyrocketed...