Morning Links: Thome Time

1. It is Tribe Time Now™
2. The Minnesota Twins are hilariously pathetic and in last place.
3. Every good Twins player is hurt, so Jim Thome gets to be their big star.

The worst thing about the AL Central this year is how every week there is a post on every sports blog titled “Are the Cleveland Indians for real?” Are they real? Can the Indians be physically real? Do they exist? What is the nature of our existence? What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets! Yes, the Indians are real, and you should probably stop writing about it. Right now they’re 14 games over .500, and while that could go in any direction (as there is a lot of season to go), you don’t do that by being a flukey anomaly.

Anyway, here’s some more about the Twins sucking!

Sports

Terrible Twins mean it’s Thome Time – Here is some more about the Twins sucking, and how wonderful Jim Thome is. I already knew those things, Yahoo Sports. Maybe next time the Twins will build a stadium that isn’t just Progressive Field plus freezing! [Big League Stew]

13-Year Old Sinks Awesome Bicycle Kick – I thought this was going to be a Mortal Kombat-style MMA thing featuring weenagers, but it’s soccer. It’s still awesome, though, and I wish my goofy body could’ve pulled off something this effective at any point during my life. I remember 13-year old soccer as a sad mix of being winded and getting my legs kicked. [BroBible]

14 of the 51 performers at Wrestlemania 7 in 1991 have died in the last 20 years – With Leather is now exclusively a WWF site (or whatever they’re calling themselves these days), so here’s a depressing look at how many people who were at Wrestlemania 7 are dead now. Even sadder, we have to look back at Wrestlemania 7. Whatever you do, don’t notice how many people from Wrestlemania 9 are dead. [Fark]

Tom Brady Was Asking For A Meme – In case you missed it yesterday, we are the proprietors of a fantastic new meme, which set the Internet on fire for almost fifteen minutes before somebody said it was old. These pics are even better if you imagine Brady’s laugh as a Chris Farley “nyah hee hee!” [Not With Leather]

Not Sports

The Wacky Adventures of World’s Finest Comics – Comic books sure were great before they started marketing them specifically toward uncool adults, and Superman stopped being nice and started having self-loathing super sex with hookers before graphically murdering them and going into a multi-layered psychosis. I don’t think this has happened yet, but wait. [Gamma Squad]

New Supercut: “You Can’t Park Here!” – Film Drunk’s Supercuts don’t really contribute anything constructive, but they’re always fun, and in this one you get to see Mongo punch a horse in the face. I wish I could help with these, but my most creative idea is “New Supercut: Bobby Brown Accosting Ghostbusters As They Enter Buildings.” [Film Drunk]

‘Game Of Thrones’: Just The Badass Parts (‘A Golden Crown’ in GIFS) – Speaking of sex and punching horses in the face, here are a bunch of gifs from “Game of Thrones.” Cable television has an awesome thing going right now where they just put grizzled character actors into Troma films and people just CAN’T HANDLE IT. [Warming Glow]

10 Newts That Would Make Good Presidents – These lizards have a liberal agenda. I, for one, will not stand by and watch as they destroy our families! [Buzzfeed]

**IMPORTANT EDIT**
Scene Breakdown: Showdown In Little Tokyo – I almost forgot to include Danger Guerrero’s excellent analysis of Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee saving Tia Carerre from some racist Chinese stereotypes. In a perfect world, I’d be over there doing these things too. Scene Breakdowns, not killing Chinese gangsters. [Film Drunk]