America Online, the interactive online service and
content provider, announced, yesterday or Monday, that
it would replace one shitty search engine with another.
The shitty search engine being replaced is called
"Webcrawler" cause it, like, "crawls" the, like, "web."
And the shitty search engine that's replacing it is
called "Excite" cause it's, like, uhh, "exciting," or
something.

(A search engine is a complex piece of computer
software which allows users to type in a word or phrase
or even a complex boolean expression, and gives back
usually tens of thousands of links to web pages which
have absolutely nothing to do with the word or phrase or
boolean expression except, occasionally, a random 3- or
4-letter sequence matches.)

According to AOL president, Steve Case, "We are very,
uhh, excited, about replacing one shitty search engine
with another, and we know that our, uhh, members, most
of whom won't be around long enough to even notice, will
be, uhh, excited too.

Rebecca Kramer, of Glastonbury, Connecticut, a long-time
AOL member, seemed to confirm Case's optimism. "Yes,
I'm, uhh, very excited about the new search engine and
I'm sure no matter how shitty it is, it'll still be a
lot less shitty than the last one. I'm really looking
forward to typing 'fuck' and 'porno' into it and seeing what
comes up."

Other AOL members, however, disagreed, and filed a class
action suit or something, for some reason, probably
because they were pissed off about something. Maybe
they aren't getting enough action on AOL, or they feel
that the action they are getting, isn't really
class action.

Also, AOL got rid of GNN, but who the fuck knew what
that was, anyway.

Shares of AOL rose from like a dollar fifty ($1.50) a
share to about a thousand dollars ($1000.00) a share
cause, according to a respected multi-nobel-prize
winning economist, "There's a thousand fucking flaming
moron suckers born every fucking day!"

Excite's exclusive agreement means that AOL's 7 million
users will get to expose themselves to Excite's 8
billion porno seekers and, in exchange, Excite will buy
AOL's "Webcrawler" for 15 billion dollars, and change
the name to "Web-Tickler," to more accurately suit the,
uhh, appetites of its suits and their, uhh, members.