The inexplicable ruination of the BROILED PINEAPPLE RINGS had the precise fingerprints of the Illuminati all over them. Or was it the anti-Illuminati? At any rate, it was clear that the mystical alignment of the seven rings spelled out apocryphal…

Happy Birthday, Erin Gray!

January 7, 1950 | Erin Gray | hot astronaut

Dear Col. Wilma,

Happy 54th birthday! I’ve been watching “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” for a long time now. When I was in grade school, I had your Thermos. It was a great picture of you. You were all sexy with the blue jumpsuit with the red stripe, the helmet tucked under your arm, the killer rack. I even went so far as to insist that my parents call me “Wilma.” In high school, I was voted “Most Likely to Change His Name to Wilma and Join NASA.” And join NASA, I did! Of course, all of that science was way too much for me. I’m not too good with numbers. I mostly just clean the space shuttles.

Like I said, I’ve been watching the show for years. I have all the episodes on tape. I, of course, like other die-hard fans have loads of questions for you. Big questions like, How did the life-support systems freeze and still maintain you? I also have small questions like, Have you had that mole on your neck checked out by a physician? You can’t be too careful with moles. I just had one removed. Luckily, it was benign. Really, though, I only have one question I need answered about the show: Gil Gerard. He’s gay, right?