(Closed) Feeling Sad About Difficult Moment in Relationship (Vent)

I’ll spare you the boring details, but sufficie it to say that my realtionship with the Boy has not been the easiest. We have had to deal with a lot (not caused by either one of us). Lately, I have been feeling completely overwhelmed due to the shear volume of everything that I have had to deal with to be with this man.

There is the crazy exwife, legal custody battles, two job lay-off’s, the Boy not setting clear boundaries with people, and the list goes on and on. It seems like every little thing that comes up now bothers me more than the one before. His BFF is a girl and I just saw a photo of the two of them togteher and I wanted to blow a gasket, although I know that she’s totally harmless.

I find myself being totally cranky with the Boy, snappy, and just feeling really sad. This, naturally, causes conflict between us which just makes me feel even worse. It’s really hard because it’s not just one thing it’s the total sum of EVERYTHING that is making me feel this way. I am going to talk to the Boy about it tonight, but I know that it will be hard for him to understand since it’s not just one thing (and he tends to do better taking one issue at a time).

He’s also started to act weird, like doing things (which I mentioned in another thread) like snooping in my private messages.

I know that all relationships are ups and downs and that we’re kind of stuck in a rut right now, but I really don’t know how to stop these feelings. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but when I think of everything I’ve been through this year it makes me wonder how on Earth we’ll make it. And that just adds to my feeling sad.

I’m so sorry that you are in a down part of your relationship right now. I wish I had ideas on how to make things better but I don’t. Just keep working on it and talking and hopefully things will work themselves out. We are here if you need to talk!

Just hang in there and talk to him so that you can get it off your chest and begin to move forward. Remember that the tough times is what makes your relationship stronger in the long run. If you can get through tough times now then think of it this way, there’s not much more you can’t get through and that says a lot about a relationship. Good luck!

It’s really easy to get down during the winter. If at all possible get outside and exercise! The Vitamin D from the sun and the seratonin from working out can really help improve your mood! It definitely won’t help with everything but it can give you a good base to work off of. I know I have to be careful not to get grouchy when it’s cold and stormy and the days are ridiculously short since I don’t get out and moving very much.

Okay. Is anyone else on here disturbed at hearing a fiance referred to as “the Boy”, or is it just me? Not getting down on anybody here, but I don’t think that’s helping an already difficult situation. The things you describe ain’t easy — ex-wives, legal battles, snooping, lack of boundaries – for anyone. Nor is being engaged (as in love as I am with my man). Sorry to all you starry-eyed ladies out there. But there are stresses for sure and most of us can admit this. So, there is something to say, though people oddly write to say they have nothing to say. Get some professional counseling. Not even together. How ’bout by yourself, to learn about yourself, to learn how to deal with your issues. Maybe then you can begin to deal with his, and later, with your kids’ issues. As far as I’m concerned, this is something we all should be doing… ’til the money runs out. It’s a work in progress, no ladies? But ‘the Boy’?? You are obviously very, very angry at this guy and it doesn’t sound like a day-old bit of business to me. Maybe you have every right to be. But why not sort this out now, sweetpea?

JoeBeth12, lots of my friends will casually refer to their boyfriends/fiances/husbands as “the boy” in conversation or over e-mail… I don’t think they mean it in a disrespectful tone at all, just shorthand. “How’s the boy?” “The boy made us dinner last night, yum.”

CurlyDreamer, I’m sorry things are so yucky in your relationship right now. I know when my husband and I are in a “down” cycle it really helps us to go on a date and really talk about things, you know? It sounds like you have a lot of responsibilities, but maybe try and take a night for yourselves?

@JoeBeth12 -I call my guy “the boy” sometimes. My family (all girls) also lovingly referred to my brother as “the boy” growing up since he was the only boy in the family. 🙂

@CurlyDreamer – something that works for us is to be angry for a short time (whether it be 10 minutes or a few hours – never longer than a day), then get to a place (usually bed), where we are most comfortable and can talk openly about everything. We don’t yell or attack eachother, and both of us try to use “It makes me feel ___ when you ___” statements to express our own feelings. We apologize, and then do something together – whether it’s playing video games, taking a walk, or having a tickle-fight. Sometime to help us “reconnect” – I think a date-night is a great idea, too! Good luck!!!

Well it’s hard imho to call your s.o. any name that is less syllables than saying significant other unless you’re engaged. I never called him “significant other” because it’s too much..just too much to say.

I used to call T “My guy” and I think “the boy” isn’t bad imho at all.

Boy comments aside (and I see nothing wrong with the term), I hope that you and your partner are able to find some nice ways to reconnect and use some of the activities that generally help you transcend trouble to make a bridge into a new phase!

@JoeBeth: You call us “starry-eyed girls” and then call me “sweet pea” and you have the audacity to be offended that I call him “the Boy.” Did you ask WHY I call him that? No, you made a very ignorant conclusion that it was because I’m “very, very angry at the guy.” (For the record, he knows that I refer to him as this and thinks it’s funny/cute.)

I’m very confused what post you read to be honest. Where does it say I’m angry at him because I had no idea I was “obviously very, very angry at the guy,” but it’s nice to be told I am since I had no clue.

And I probably had no clue I was so “very, very angry” because I, obviously, know nothing about myself and need therapy! Thanks! Even the kids that I didn’t even mention I have seem to have issues, according to your interpretation of my vent. Wow, thanks so much for making it all so clear for me. (That’s sarcasm, in case you missed it. :P)

To everyone else:

Thanks for your replies. I think it is probably in part the weather, and I probably would feel better with some exercise.

Since I’m not really mad at the Boy, it’s really hard to talk about things with him since it’s not just one concerete thing. And, really, there’s nothing he can do. I mean, he can’t make his ex-wife nice, and he can’t make his jobs not lay him off.

To explain it better, it’s as if I was totally stressed out about something completely not involving him and was just being cranky with him because he’s the person closest to me.

I am normally very good at diffusing situations, dealing with stress, and processing my emotions but right now I just feel really overwhelmed. I know eventually I will feel better, but I don’t want to cause more stress in between, so that’s why I came here to vent so I could whine and feel sorry for myself and get it out of my system. 🙂