At school, many were ‘putting the blame on Rehtaeh’

Victoria Boutlilier, 16, was upset by the news that her former junior high school classmate, 17-year-old Rehtaeh Parsons, took her own life recently after photos of her alleged rape at the hands of four young men two years ago were circulated on social media networks. (CHRISTIAN LAFORCE/Staff)

No one knows what’s going through other people’s heads.

Like the boy at Cole Harbour District High School who appeared in a photo during the alleged sexual assault of Rehtaeh Parsons, 15 at the time, at a friend’s house.

He was giving a thumbs-up with a big smile, Rehtaeh’s mother told CBC Radio on Tuesday.

However, it seems that one boy implicated in the events of that night is at least marginally aware things didn’t go well for Rehtaeh, who died Sunday night after attempting to kill herself Thursday.

“There’s one main guy that stands out,” said Victoria Hanna, a student at Cole Harbour High who knew Rehtaeh since Grade 1.

Rehtaeh told her mother and the police that four boys sexually assaulted her in October 2011. Hanna said she only knew of one boy, an athlete, who had been present.

He still goes to Cole Harbour, she said, though Rehtaeh left the school after that night and after the photo had been distributed to students.

The boy noticed many classmates posting on Rehtaeh’s Facebook wall Friday, when she was in the hospital on life-support. He sent Hanna a private message, she said.

“He just said, ‘What happened to Rehtaeh?’” said the 17-year-old, sitting in her living room in Cole Harbour. “I didn’t reply.”

High school students in Cole Harbour on Tuesday told the story of a photo that spread like wildfire between schools, and of the lessons they’re trying to learn from Rehtaeh’s death.

However, it may not be easy when their teachers and principal don’t say anything about it.

Kyle Rose, 18, is a student at Cole Harbour High School. He heard about what happened to Rehtaeh but had no idea she had been going to his school at the time of the alleged incident, he said.

There was no announcement at the school Monday or Tuesday about her death, Rose said.

In fact, after Rehtaeh left in 2011, it took a while for people to piece together that it might have been because of a party and the aftermath, Hanna said.

“They noticed that she wasn’t really there, and they figured it out.”

By then, the photo of Rehtaeh had been seen by “most people at the school,” as well as many at others like Auburn Drive High School, Hanna said.

It’s hard to say if there were really ringleaders among the ones sending it out or the ones who texted Rehtaeh in the months after to tell her she was a “slut,” she said.

“I think it started as a smaller group, but then it grew,” Hanna said. “A lot of people thought it was her fault. They were basically putting the blame on Rehtaeh.”

The death of the teenager, who leaves behind devastated family members and close friends, seems to have made some students look at the situation differently, she said. On people’s Facebook walls, there have been a lot of status updates about how bullying has to stop.

Students are saying they regret not being there for Rehtaeh. However, Hanna hasn’t seen anyone say they regret what they did or said.

Not everyone who saw the photo thought it was a joke, said former Cole Harbour High student Victoria Boutilier, who was friends with Rehtaeh in middle school.

When asked if she and those she knew thought they were looking at an image of a rape, she nodded emphatically: “Yes.”

“It’s horrible,” said the 16-year-old. “Just the fact that no one actually took it seriously just, like, pisses me off.”

She said she’s not entirely surprised by the alleged sexual assault or the reaction to it in the community.

Boutilier said she knows of one other person who had a similar experience to what Rehtaeh described. Still, she said she was shocked by news of Rehtaeh’s death.

“She’d help everyone else through their problems. … She’s really good at hiding whatever was happening. She had a few best friends that she told everything to.”