It's 10pm at the moment, and I just decided to start a series of posts that basically talk about how to date my wife. Not so you can date her, mind you, because if you did I might have to commit murder, and I'd rather have a clean conscience in the matter. Rather, these are stories about me learning "how to date my wife."

It all started with ribs. Not Adam's ribs, but Baby Back Ribs from Trader Joe's that were on sale for $12.39. Susannah and I wanted to start out a mission to make at least 40 new meals for date night over the course of the next year. People seem to stress over date nights being too expensive, it's too hard to get out of the house all the time, etc. Do dates really have to be such a pain? Do they have to be all about spending money or the pressure for the "perfect date"? Before we were married I was dating my wife, searching her out, and finding out her likes, dislikes, wants, and desires. Why stop at marriage? My wife and I usually have a "date night" once a week, and all I mean about a date night, is a time when we purposefully spend time with one another and search each other out. I want to continually get to know my wife, and my wife is very different than anybody else's, but I think there might be some common ground to give some ideas for simple dates. Read at your own risk.

I sometimes pee in jars. I often belch loudly when only my wife can hear. I completely put my foot in my mouth in most social situations. Yet my wife loves me. Why? Because she is damn good at it. So good at it that God dosen't even give wives commands to love their husbands because, quite frankly, she outshines me. She is beautiful, kind, hospitable, and not at all gross like I am. Which is good, because Lord knows I am not that good at loving my wife. Knowing this fact, I don't want to hide behind excuses (i.e. "women are complicated and confusing"), rather I have set out to learn How to Date My Wife.

Date 1:

We worked together to make BBQ ribs, mashed potatoes, and artichokes. Now in my marriage, we have a...situation...where when we are hungry, we get "hangry". Which basically means, in order for us to survive in the kitchen long enough to make a meal together, we need to get some food in us while we cook. An easy appetizer for any occasion is meats, with cheese, and crackers. We picked up an assortment of meats from Costco, and the strawberries and cheeses were just leftovers from what we had in the fridge. Olives, nuts, apples, grapes, all work great too. And then crackers (fancy or otherwise--saltines work just fine too). This plate makes me and my wife happy anyway, and it's a great way to get date night started on a cheerful note.

The Ribs:

When I was working at a pizzeria in Florida, one of my coworkers told me an amazing way to make ribs. BEGIN SNOBBY INSTRUCTIONS. Cut the ribs into sections so that they fit into a pan, and pour 1-2 liters of coke or Dr Pepper so the ribs are completely submerged in liquid. Let them sit in that mixture for around 20-40 minutes (or however long you want, unless it's for 8 hours--don't do that, that's ridiculous). Then throw the pot on the stove and bring the pot to a boil. Once it starts boiling, put the pot into the oven at 375 degrees for about 30-40 minutes. Next, place the ribs on a grill for about 8 minutes to crisp them up and then pour--nay, slather--your favorite BBQ sauce all over them. Talk about melt-off-the-bone delicious (I apologize if you think it's disgusting).

Not the most romantic of meals when you have to leave immediately after to floss your teeth and take a shower because you are covered in BBQ rib remains, but it's good food all the same, and my wife and I love good food.

You can make your own mashed potatoes how you like them (ours were pretty sloppy and subpar), and make some other side if you don't like artichokes. I could go into detail about artichokes, but all you do is boil them, for Pete's sake. The dip is what makes it: mayo, minced/granulated garlic, salt, squeeze of lemon = makes artichokes taste good even to people who hate them.

And make sure you always have a glass (or more) of wine with date night! Maybe play a game of cards while you are at it too. I highly recommend winning.