Kanye West gave a 12 minute speech at the MTV VMAs that ranged from rants about the silliness of awards shows to his plans to run for US president. Here are the five most on-point things he had to say…

PARENTHOOD’S AN EYE-OPENER

Nothing wakes a man up to the foolishness of his youth faster than becoming a father. Well, that and being roundly hated wherever you go for the next six years solid. “I often think back to the first day I met you,” he told Taylor Swift, referring to his infamous 2009 stage invasion where he grabbed Taylor’s mike to declare Beyonce the rightful winner of her award. “I think about when I’m in the grocery store with my daughter and I have a really great conversation about fresh juice… and at the end they say, ’Oh, you’re not that bad after all!’ It crosses my mind a little bit like when I go to a baseball game and 60,000 people boo me. Crosses my mind a little bit… If I had a daughter at that time would I have went on stage and grabbed the mic from someone else’s?”

YOU CAN’T MAKE A POP STAR OMLETTE WITHOUT BREAKING OTHER POP STARS, OR SOMETHING

It’s confusing for Kanye – he sees all of these acts getting awards for their hard work, but they’re sometimes the wrong acts. Like, not the ones he’d have chosen. So he’s sacrificed his own public reputation to become a martyr for the slightly undervalued acts that Kanye likes. “The contradiction is I do fight for artists,” he mused, “but in that fight I somehow was disrespectful to artists. I didn’t know how to say the right thing, the perfect thing. I sat at the Grammys and saw Justin Timberlake and Cee-Lo lose. Justin… I saw that man in tears, bro. You know, and I was thinking, like, ’He deserved to win Album of the Year!’… Sometimes I feel like I died for the artist’s opinion.”

In the biggest truth bomb of his speech, Kanye exposed the shocking, trouser-filling fact that Taylor presenting him with this award was a cynical ploy designed to make as many people as possible watch the show by including things in it that they might want to see on their televisions. Then, like the scum-sucking media puppeteers they are, they advertised it a lot. Surely that’s not what TV shows are supposed to do, right Kanye? “I still don’t understand awards shows,” he admitted. “I don’t understand how they get five people who worked their entire life … sold records, sold concert tickets to come stand on the carpet and for the first time in they life be judged on the chopping block and have the opportunity to be considered a loser! I don’t understand it, bruh!”

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THE NEW GENERATION WILL LIVE AND DIE FOR ART

“We the millennials, bro,” Kanye said as his speech reached its heartland message. “This is a new mentality. We’re not gonna control our kids with brands. We not gonna teach low self-esteem and hate to our kids. We gonna teach our kids that they can be something… It’s about ideas, bro. New ideas. People with ideas. People who believe in truth.” And Kanye would be their standard bearer. “I will die for the art! For what I believe in. And the art ain’t always gonna be polite!” At this point he admitted he was stoned off his breadboard.

TRUMP DOESN’T HAVE A CHANCE

In the race over who will get to forge a “special relationship” with Prime Minister Corbyn, our money is on Kanye, as he announced he’d be launching a campaign to topple President Trump in 2020. And even though he clearly just wants to get his face on the money and his egotistical policies will probably turn America into North Korea with Versace doing the uniforms, this speech is exactly the kind of rambling say-nothing nonsense that got Cameron elected, so who knows…?