Tuesday, November 23, 2010

November 20th was the end of the line for me for this years collegiate volleyball season. I completed my second season as an official for Division III Women's Volleyball. The beauty of the volleyball season is it's duration. It's short, sweet, indoors, and requires minimal movement. What more can you ask for as an official?

Officiating is the perfect part time job for an at-home dad. I have a passion for the game and it makes going to work fun. Okay, it's not always fun, like when you blow a call and the fans harass you all the way back to the locker room, "Your the worst F****** official I've ever seen!!!" (Believe it or not, there are worse fans than Jerry Pohlmann and Grandma Welle).

But what I really love about it is the socializing. Three or four nights a week I'm traveling around the state to ref matches. It's so nice to get out of the house and have real adult conversations with people. Discussing the rule differences between FIVB, USAV and PAVO provides more intellectual stimulation for me than arguing that, with the exception of Cookie Monster, no living being should survive solely on junk food.

And I can't forget my favorite part of officiating; the paychecks! I was able to rack up a couple thousand bucks in the past two months. And I was able to spend that money on all the neat things that I wanted; a cast for Caitlins arm, a new battery for the van, license tabs for the Honda... When did I get so old? I was able to put some money aside to beef up my portfolio. I have a couple hundred bucks to split between some high risk/high reward investments (slot machines) and some depreciating assets in the form of hiking boots.

All in all it was a great season. I had the opportunity to officiate a DII tournament, and number of MIAC and UMAC DIII matches, and line judged the NCAA DII Regional Tournament. I still have a lot to learn, but my passion for the game makes it easy to take on the new challenge.

Tip of the Day - If you were a male prostitute burdened with the moral dilemma of whether or not to wear a condom, worry no more! The Pope gave you the green light! Now you can wear a sheath on your John Thomas without the fear of eternal damnation! Unfortunately if you are just some regular guy, you'll still be going to hell for wearing a rubber.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Can you believe it? Reegan's already 15 months old! The little bugger is growing up right under my nose. She had her 15 month check-up yesterday morning and I decided to bring the whole tribe along for the ride. After assuring Anya and Caitlin that only Reegan had to actually 'see' the doctor, they hestitantly got in the van.

As we checked Reegan in, Anya made sure the receptionists understood that she, in fact, was NOT going to see the doctor, only Reegan. All three Roses behaved beautifully throughout the examination. Reegan weighed in at 22 lbs and is in the 70th percentile in both height and weight. With no causes for concern, the doc gave her a clean bill of health and brought in the nurse to administer 4 vaccinations. Before starting however, the doctor asked if any of the other girls needed their flu shots. I asked for the cost of the added inoculations, and when I learned they were fully covered by our insurance, I said let 'er happ'n cap'n! (Not that there is a price on my childrens welfare or anything...). Because Anya has her 4 year check up next week, I figured I'd let her off the hook for the time being, but Caitlin and Reegan weren't as fortunate. Anya understood what was going on, but Caitlin (in pure Caitlin fashion) didn't have a clue.

I thought it would be best if Caitlin got her shot first so Reegan wouldn't scare her from sitting still for the nurse. We asked her to hop up on the exam table and she excitedly proped herself up. She smiled big as she kicked her legs to and fro. I pulled her pants down as the nurse asked Caitlin if she wanted a sticker, 'This doctor thing ain't so bad!' she thought. Then came the needle. In the two seconds it took the nurse to give her the shot, her faced changed from contentment to hostility. "It was a God Damn trap! You bastards set me up! I knew the sticker thing was too good to be true! Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.....I won't be fooled again."

Reegan and Caitlin took their shots like champs. We picked out our stickers and by the time I had carried the girls back to the car, the tears had subsided (although their snot did do a number on my clean winter jacket). Once back in the car, Anya reminded me that she didn't get a shot and that she doesn't need to go see the doctor next week. After giving her my usual 'We'll see..." response, she fired back, "Dad, you're pissing me off!" That was a new one. While trying to keep a straight face, I explained to her that it is okay to be upset with someone, but we still must use good manners. No sooner did I say that when a car pulled out right in front of me. I rolled down my window, flicked him off and shouted "You F****** Jack Ass!"

Tip of the Day: Tired of changing the plain old poopy diapers? Let your 15 month old play with a box of crayons for a few hours and the next few bowel movement is sure to be much more festive!

...Watch the 8:00am Curious George episode and the catch the same episode at 3:00pm.

...Take care of all the housework so that as soon as Mommy comes home, we can relax and spend time as a family.

...Take a nap after lunch and not be considered a lazy American or a regular European.

...Make hot dogs, Macaroni and Cheese, and peanut butter and jelly sandwhichs and feel like a gourmet chef.

...Get daily praises from your boss on what an outstanding job you're doing.

...Have sex with your boss without worrying about getting fired or having to deal with awkward office gossip.

...Go to bed at night knowing that your job has meaning and wake up looking forward to the next day's work.

...Watch your children learn and grow and know that you had a hand in their social, emotional, and spiritual develoement.

I am one lucky guy!

Tip of the Day: It is imperative that you steal all your children's Halloween candy immediately after they go to bed on Halloween night. I'm not concerned about their sugar intake or dental reprocussions, but when there's only one box of Nerds left and three hepped up kids after it, its no-holds barred. I'm pretty sure Reegan pulled a knife!