'Thinking out of the 'box' is what I do. An Igbo adage said ''nkem di iche bu ajo afa''. I dont think that's true. Being different is the first step to a long lasting change.
Dare to be different, dare to think differently

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

There are three very important dates or days for every
individual; birthdays, marriage anniversary (priestly anniversaries for those
that embraced chastity) and the not so pleasant death day. The first two are
remarkable in the life of any individual and where resources permit, celebrated
in grand style under a special jubilee name depending on the number of years
being celebrated.

It is worrisome how rarely, these names sound in our present
age especially in the case of marriages. Most marriages today start out very
promising but all of a sudden flip-flops and crash land on a dead end, even
before it ever gets to kiss a Wood or Tin.

Often, I sit and ponder, “How did water get into the
coconut? What has led to demeaning of marital vows? Our parents enjoyed
marriages that span long years, sometimes brought to an end by death but the
case is different today.”

Only recently, I came to a conclusion that it must be one of
two things or both; it was either they were ill-informed about the institution or
they played down some salient yet vital points in the course of courtship.

So before you seal your mind on whether to say I DO or I
DON’T, here are some factors you should consider:

FINANCE

You may have at one time or another heard various versions
of these sentences from a girl, “It doesn’t matter if he has money or not. What
I want is a responsible man who would love and care for me.”

Believe me, the moment you get to the point of no return,
only then will you realise money has always mattered and will continue to
matter. A candid advice, you young man planning to tie the knot should observe
yourself. If you find it difficult giving yourself three rich and sumptuous
meal every day, it would be best you held out a little longer and work on
strengthening your financial muscle.

As a bachelor, if you don’t have, you may decide to go on a
compulsory fast. But as a father and husband, I wonder how you would force your
wife and kids into starvation – except if your system of government is tyranny.
The moment you pull off bachelorhood and embrace family, expenditures are bound
to mount and will climb higher with each new birth.

I know a man (name withheld) who used to sell petrol in
black market to survive. He wasn’t rich but looked good at that time. Years
passed and he felt he was aging and took a wife. Today, he sells buns with a
basket. Worse of all; he now dresses like a man who narrowly escaped lunacy. I
didn’t put this here to mock him but to drive home a point. Marriage is not a
factor of age but a factor of when all the other factors especially finance
have been put in place.

TRADITION

Naturally, this singular factor shouldn’t be on the list or
considered even, but, in Nigeria and as a Nigerian getting married to another
Nigerian so that both of you would live in Nigeria, it matters a lot.

Like I mentioned in one of my previous post, some tribes see
themselves as superior while others to them are abominations and misfit. The
uniting cloak of Nigerians was rendered between nineteen sixty seven and
nineteen seventy and the friction will forever live among us. Fingers would
always be pointed.

While the romance is hot, make out time to learn the
tradition of your partner and wherever whenever they differ. Ask yourself, “Can
I conform with this or in the case where I can’t, will I be able to modify it
to my satisfaction?”

In the long run, you will find out you didn’t get married to
the girl alone but to her family and her community at large. Very few
inter-tribal or inter-ethnic marriages in Nigeria cross the Silver mark,
majority crash after few births. Also bear in mind that ethnic frictions are
bound to intervene, discuss the various possibilities among yourself and also
try to phantom how best to handle them when they do come.

PRIDE

If your aim of getting married is to prove a point, to drink
at the table of MEN, then you need not bother to get married at all. A number
of ideologies have fuelled or caused people to venture into marriage when deep
down, they know they are not ready.

One of such idea is embedded in according married men
respect as responsible men. The lighted cannon on this is that it makes
marriage appear like an achievement. But that is not what marriage is.

Let me help you to think this through: achievements are rewards
people get for working so hard and probably attaining success in that field.
One thing common with achievements is that, once the applause dies, the awardee
shelves it and goes out in pursuit of another. Now you decide if that is what
your definition of marriage is – I do know that marriage is noble and was
ordained by God.

If I ever tell you to mention your achievements and along
the line, you say, ‘and I am married’, I will shake my head and walk away.
Marriage isn’t something to brag with, rather, a model to teach. Marriage should
be in the picture when you are trying to buttress your CV, trying to show your
sense of responsibility and your years of successful marriage should add a plus
to your managerial skill.

What that idea that marriage is an achievement does –
especially to most ladies who view it as the summit of their existence – is,
makes them woe young promising young men into giving them their surnames. Some
go extra miles to pin their targets down with pregnancies.

For young men, it makes the ones that are obviously write-off
in all spheres of life – socially, emotional, financially, spiritually, and so
on – to take up a wife just to have an achievement tagged to their once
worthless names.

I however laugh at ebullient and vibrant young men that
truncate their hustle in the name of love and marriage. Concrete jungle shall
be their home, cold ground their bed and stone their pillow.

Finally, all these wasn’t said to stand you between I DO and
I DON’T, to scare you from getting married, rather, to prepare you for the task
ahead. I don’t hate marriage as some may presume already but its fall. After
you might have read this, I don’t assume you would agree with all of it and
that’s why the comment box is just below for you to tell me your own side of
the story.

About Me

My name is Anthony Emecheta l Enthusiastic writer l Not award winning anything l One failed attempt at a novella publication l Freelance writer, but don't expect me to do it for free l Trust me to always talk about what people don't want to talk about.