Monday, May 10, 2010

Professor Green! Hi-Five

You know what is weird about modern dance?? everything. Saturday night we went to see Compagnie Marie Chouinard perform her latest work at Sadlers Wells.... If I ever needed to take someone out for a night on the town to show them a visual representation of what the word 'bizarre' means to me - then this would be at the top of my list.People dancing across the stage in harnesses, people entwined in rubber latex, dancers with giant metal poles attached to their heads.Did I mention there is no music?? why would there be music?? This is modern dance. Music is old-school - all you you need is someone screaming into a microphone and a loop of some guy talking about music beats with a kid piano being played erratically for 2 hours.

I did learn a few good dance moves though to bust out, one is the floppy arms sideways headbob moochy jump across the stage, and the metal rod attached to my head shuffle on a skateboard across the stage.

So that was saturday. Sunday was much more contemporary.

'PRINCE OF PERSIA' WORLD PREMIERE!!!!!!!! with me on the red carpet. Also in attendance:Jake Gyllenhaal.He was standing literally right next to me. I could have whispered sweet nothing's in his ear, if "i'm gonna rape you" is considered a sweet nothing. He probably wouldn't have noticed what with all the raping screaming girls on the other side of the barrier (losers).

We also had Ben Kingsley, Gemma Arterton, Jerry Bruckheimer, and lots of other famous peeps. They sat 5 rows behind us in the cinema so we had to be quiet when we were bagging out Jake's inconsistent British accent throughout the film "nice accent Jake".. sorry did you hear that?? I meant another Jake.

On the way out we saw Professor Green and his band, and I went up and High Fived the Professor and posed it up for some pics. Lucky I washed my hair, I think I'm on Getty Images giving Jakey Poo the good ol' rape eye, and Kerry Katona the 'who the fuck invited you??' eye.

I really hope my next Premiere has Harmony Korrine on the invite list. I'd like to shoot up some heroin with him, steal some laptops and make up lies on national tv broadcasts.