Sunday, November 30, 2008

We had a great Thanksgiving, and hope you did too! Most of you check facebook too, so this blog doesn't highlight with pictures of people (because you can see them on FB). The day was quiet, as quiet as it can be with 4 kids 6 adults and 3 dogs! We tried something new this year with the turkey by deep frying it. The guys were really excited to try out the new toy. Our 20lb. turkey only took 70 minutes to cook, and it was perfect.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Ok, So I'm a little late on the birthday wishes for my youngest son. But what would he have to complain about when he's older if he always got everything on time?

Sorry bud, it's part of being the youngest child. I'd like to let you know, that there are many perks to being the youngest child, and here are some of them. You've got a really big audience. When you talk, clap, laugh, and walk we are focused all on you! Everyone wants to hold you, help you, and talk to you. You are every ones favorite buddy! You still get carried everywhere and get the most attention when we are out, from everyone. You get way more sweet snacks than the other kids did at this age. It isn't uncommon to see you crawling around with a sucker in your mouth, none of the other kids got to do that!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

I have learned a lot of things in the last couple of days. Sitting around with nothing to do but observe and think leads to confusion and clarity. Here are some of my clearer moments.

I have learned that losing a baby and having a miscarriage are two different things. Two years ago when I "had a miscarriage", I really only lost the babies and had a DNC. This year I lost the baby and than had the miscarriage. Which, was one of the hardest things I've ever done, physically and emotionally. Would I opt for that over the DNC again, absolutely. Thank you for all your prayers concerning that specifically. It was all over in an hour and it looks like I won't have to have the DNC. Thanks be to God!

I have held firmly to the promise that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and when life is in perspective, it is what makes you smile in the chaos. I've learned that sometimes parenting is inconvenient. When mom and dad are physically sick, emotionally drained, and stressed to the max parenting is harder. But I have also learned that when they can't have quantity time with us, the quality they do get matters a lot. They've gotten more hugs, kisses, and conversation in this season than they had in a long time. I plan on keeping that up.

I have learned that Garrett is gifted with the ability to sense emotion. He knows how someone is feeling just by the energy they are giving off, and this week he used it for good. Here's his story. On Wednesday I called for hug time. It was out of no where, for no reason. Each kid came over to give me a hug. With his arms tightly around my neck, he said, "Mom, I'm sorry the baby died." The kid hit it right on the head - he feels the emotion - he's amazing.

I have been reminded that I'm the type of person who needs to talk about things to help me cope and get over them. The more I talk, the better I feel, because the truth that I know in my head makes it way to my heart, and starts healing.

I have been reminded that I need my husband in my cord of three. We are stronger together. He was there to hold me, cry with me, sit with me, tell me to sit down, and listen to me ramble (Bless him!). He dropped everything to be the mom, dad, husband, driver, cook, housekeeper, butler, etc. Thanks babe. I will always love you.

Here's my amazing kid looking for the bowling ball to come out, don't worry it didn't hit him in the head!

My beautiful girls. The other day Olivia said to Esther, "Esther, would you please take this to the kitchen for me honey?" To which Esther said, "Sure." I turned to Josh and said, "Olivia is turning Esther into what I turned Olivia into, the little helper." I hope she keeps it up - two little helpers are better than one!

That would be lasagna all over that cute face. He loves to eat, but only by himself. Forget the fork and spoon, he shovels it in with his hands!

I have said this prayer every day for the past month, making it the focus of my day and prayer for our life. I repeat some part of the prayer throughout the day, depending on the type of day we are having or what we are going through. Lately, the line has been, "Your will be done, (in me) on this earth, as it is in heaven. I pray that with thought of our future in mind. Where will we be in a year? Is God moving our ministry? Guide our family where you want us. But the thought always comes to me that his will is being done here, now, always. And when I look at it that way, my whole day changes perspective. Knowing regardless of how I feel, what decisions need to be made, and what changes are inevitably going to happen I am in God's will it gives me peace.

That last part, the part about changes inevitably happening, happened. And I was ready. Last night I spent three hours in the ER confirming what I had been feeling for a couple of weeks. That I had lost the baby. When I left the house, I looked at Josh and said, "I'm at peace with what the outcome will be." As at peace with being pregnant with what was going to be our 5th living child, I am just as at peace with not having that child. I believe in the giver and taker of life. I believe that His ways are not my ways, or His time, my time. I cannot understand all His ways, but I do know that He is fulfilling in me His will on earth, just as it is in heaven. God does answer prayers. Sometimes the answers are just what we were looking for. Sometimes they don't look like what we thought they would. Sometimes they hurt. But that's ok. I serve a God who cares about my hurt. Cries with me, mourns with me, and loves me through it.

Thank you in advance for all your prayers. Right now we are praying that my body will do what in natural so I won't have to have surgical intervention, like last time. I have until Tuesday for this to happen, so prayer for that would be coveted!