Ways to Connect

For the third part of the now widely known and possibly admired Fish Trilogy, the story—as well as Season 6 itself—draws to a conclusion, the way third parts of trilogies typically do, and in a way that will satisfy all but the attentive listeners. We learn whether Kevin can become himself again, as well as how Manly Druthers became a giant blue treacherous floating magical fish in the first place. And the question of whether or not Men in Charge can re-masculize American culture on its own remains properly unaddressed.

In this, the second in the partly well regarded Fish trilogy so recently almost nominated for an award, Tony may (or may not) have recovered from the one thousand fish sandwiches unwisely transported to his stomach as the result of an ill-thought-out wish by Kevin, who was too easily gulled by the promises of the Magic Fish and former 1940s radio host, Manly Druthers. Kevin makes yet another bad choice of wishes, and we learn more about what back-alley brawls were like in the 1940s.

As another gesture of conceptual cruelty, this episode title is slickly ambiguous. Is “Fish” a verb, referring to baiting and hooking the timid to yank them out of the stream? Or is “Fish” a noun, suggesting that bags of ripe fillets will be dumped on the porches of those too timid to venture out of doors? Too many options, right? So let’s just get to the episode, which is the first of three trilogic parts:

Tony and Kevin are distracted from exploring the nuances, as well as the very substance, of this episode’s title because two cast members (we’ll call them “Liz” and “Luke”) had to be let back inside the studio because the rain was pouring hard and cold, and their noses had been pressed flat against the window for over an hour. After our hosts light Liz and Luke a little trash fire to stay warm in the station lobby, they’re able to proceed with the episode.

In this unfortunately titled episode, Kevin and Tony explain why, however bold the Bold are, Mold always wins out in the end because it’s, well, mold. Whether the mold has a shiny green sheen or a crumbly black quality, even the boldest get moldy. But we don’t want to give away the ending. The show’s first segment is “Tony and Kevin Invite Your Mom to Breakfast” because breakfast is the most important meal of the day if you want to start the day bloated.

Tony and Kevin decide that since England gets a Scotland, the New America is entitled to one as well, so they choose Canada. Canadians waste their time receiving affordable health care all day, and likewise hey waste all their natural resources by failing to exploit them. Best for Canadians to hand over the reins to their overlords in the New America, our hosts conclude.

It’s that late-winter, consumerist hit holiday again, Valentine’s Day, and naturally our thoughts turn to our love for mollusks. As clams and whelks press their horrid little bodies against your ankles with hopes of being your Valentine, listen to the wisdom of Tony and Kevin in order to learn how to shake them off without offending them. Today’s show is all about the love of mollusks, starting with the classic “One on One Couples Therapy” with Doctor Mike.

Tony and Kevin amuse themselves by exploring the prankster’s etiquette for handing out subpoenas. Their advice: it’s better to give than to receive. To give even more, they take us to the first segment, “Lower Heights Recycling and Curbside Healing,” where we learn how dispose of Christmas effluence (fruitcakes, etc.) in a way that no one but your neighbor will object to. Next, they take us to episode 3 (but the 4th in the sequence) of the “Schmalkaldic League,” for more history/myth/lies about the Reformation in Central Europe.

Kevin kvetches about why “Men in Charge” cedes so much time to CHAOS, the science program that’s mainly there to let you know all the ways nature has your number, and Tony reassures him that he has found it “personally profitable” to make such deals unilaterally. Just back from some time served at the behest of Interpol in Great Britain, CHAOS host Anders Lurkawhile introduces the viewers to his “girl-friend,” Enid Hackney-Grubbe. Anders and Enid thrill to “In the Field” with “Spurious Jack” Fowler.

First, Tony and Kevin avoid the topic of “Exemptions for Small Hands” by considering what Sulu and Chekhov really kept in that locked cabinet between their stations on the Enterprise bridge. It’s what you’d expect, perhaps. But then, what chores should the Small-Handed be spared, given that the noise of their personalities is compensatory? Should the small hands be kept away from chainsaws and buttons that are too big? Do the small handed deserve an extra scoop of ice cream and someone to open their cans of Diet Coke? How special are the Small-Handed among us?