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/ 25-Apr-2015 06:25

And they highlighted a Public Health England report that suggested reducing the opportunities to market and advertise high-sugar food and drink.

“Should this form of advertising and marketing be banned, given the growing evidence of the effect that marketing of unhealthy food and drink has on children? “We believe it should and will continue to push for national action from organisations such as Public Health England to stop similar campaigns next Christmas.” They complained that while the Coca-Cola truck tour was covered by the regional press, a letter organised by Food Active about the health impacts of a high-sugar diet and criticising the tour had not been published.

The letter, signed by 108 people including five public health directors and current and past presidents of the Faculty of Public Health, said: “We can celebrate without allowing Coca-Cola to hijack Christmas by bringing false gifts of bad teeth and weight problems to our children." A spokesperson for Coca-Cola Great Britain said the tour, which began in 2011, was run in accordance with the firm’s “responsible marketing policy”, adding that it did not provide drinks to under-12s unless their parent or guardian agreed.

“Looking at the data referenced by the BMJ opinion piece shows that the dental health of children in the North West has been consistently improving since 2008 and that childhood obesity is lower than at any time since 2010,” the company said.

“He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of the morning. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum.

During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. According to research by Macmillan Cancer Support, the average Briton spends 315 days of their life hungover; for one in 14 of us, it’s a head-pounding 3,024.

Writing in an editorial in the medical journal, Robin Ireland, director of Food Active, a group set up by public health directors to tackle obesity, and John Ashton, a public health consultant in Liverpool, complained about press coverage of the tour in the north-west of England in which children were given a free can of the soft drink.

"You’ve also now, literally, p***** away all the water that was in the Coke.

But not before infusing it with valuable nutrients your body could have used for things like hydrating your system, or building strong bones and teeth," the account concludes.

• Here's what to drink to be healthy The body starts to produce more dopamine, a neurotransmitter that controls the brain's pleasure centres - "physically the same way heroin works, by the way".

By the time the hour is up, you will want to urinate, and start to have a sugar crash, making you drowsy and irritable.