Big Lead Sports Bar

5/20/2008

GET TO KNOW DETROIT, MICHIGAN

Detroit, Michigan. It's the site of potentially four Stanley Cup Finals games, and the home of the arena where the Penguins just might skate with a famous trophy if all goes well. Unfortunately, there's no built-in, absolute hatred of the opponent for this series, and since we're lacking for reasons to dislike the Red Wings (other than standing their in the way of a third dance with The Lord's Cup), I felt it was time to do some research on the city of our foe. You have to know your opponent to beat your opponent.

Detroit was founded in 1701, so there's just a bit of history there. I found a Yahoo Answers page titled, "What is Detroit Famous For?", and answers included "mmmm..im gonna say gettin knifed", "cars and gangs baby. paradise in the making", "Badly built automobiles...", "Riots, crime, cars, snow, and ginger ale (vernors)", and "tires and the pistons...and eddie murphys character from 48hrs...but thats about it".

But therehas to bea few good things about Detroit, right? Right?

Well, as I've heard one or 400,000 times, Jerome Bettis was from Detroit. And the Steelers won a rather big game there a few years ago, as this picture would indicate:

Our sports interactions with Detroit are somewhat limited. The Tigers are in the AL, we don't have a pro basketball team outside of our beloved Pittsburgh XPlosion, and the Red Wings are infrequent visitors to Mellon Arena as per their Western Conference status. Sure, we take our turns beating up on the Lions, but they would probably struggle with Jeannette High.

According to Wikipedia, Detroit was given the name "City of Champions" in the 1930s for "a series of successes both in individual and in team sport." The first "championship" they claim kicked off the era? Gar Wood winning the Harmsworth Trophy for unlimited powerboat racing on the Detroit River in 1931. And if you know anything about powerboat racing, you know how tough that 1931 campaign was. Thanks, but we'll stick with the dual NFL and MLB championships in 1979 and keep the nickname that Boston is currently trying to steal from us.

Detroit has undoubtedly made some important contributions to the world and to pop culture, including automobiles, Motown music, and not one, but two Wrestlemanias: Wrestlemania III in 1987 and Wrestlemania XXIII in 2007. And one can easily make the argument that watching the Hulkster slam Andre the Giant in front of 93,173 can be mentioned in the same breath as the city's status as the automotive capital of the world, no?

OK, enough diplomacy. What has Detroit given the world that the world didn't really need? Let's go through a visual history!

--A little incident called "The Malice at the Palace" that the Indiana Pacers still haven't recovered from. And you thought Philly fans were bad!

I never understood why Jim Leyland was so beloved and Neil O'Donnell so hated in Pittsburgh. One oversees a tremendously talented team to three consecutive choke jobs, never even reaching the World Series. The other gets a team featuring offensive weapons like Bam Morris and Ernie Mills to a Super Bowl, unfortunately throws a few crucial picks, and he's hated forever. "But O'Donnell left the city!"

Yeah, and so did Leyland, when he quit on the Buccos after the 1996 season. So excuse me if I wasn't celebrating the success of the 2006 Tigers like the rest of Pittsburgh.

--Mitch Albom, or as you may better know him, "one of those whiny guys on the Sports Reporters on Sunday morning that wakes you out of your hangover."

--Professional lowlife Tom Sizemore, best known for drugs, Heidi Fleiss, and Best Use of the Whizzinator Outside of Onterrio Smith. He's trying to punch you right now!

--Lily Tomlin, who did not Heart Huckabees:

--Kid Rock, Kiss, Eminem, AND Madonna! I think my head is nearly ready to explode.

--Gifted actress Elizabeth Berkley!

--The comedic stylings of one Tim Allen. Hey, do that caveman noise for the millionth time!

--Tough guy Derian Hatcher. That was a nice fight against Georges Laraque the other day. What? You backed down?

39 comments:

My wife is from the Detroit area and grew up with the Red Wings, but she is completely hypnotized by Pittsburgh, even though she has never lived there. I caught her on the phone telling her girlfriend from Detroit "The Wings did not destroy them, they lost two games and the final was 4-1 not 6-0". So regarding things that come from Detroit, she's a keeper.

Hey douchebag, did you actually read the "City of Champions" bit? Tigers and Lions win championships in 1935. Red Wings win championship in 1936. For a period in 1936, Detroit held all three major team championships (the NBA was not created until the '40s, which you guys wouldn't know because the NBA doesn't find your crappy town worthy of a team). I'll show you guys some math - 3 (1935/36) > 2 (1979).

Is this guy actually talking about titles won in the 1930's? What is he...a Packer fan?

Detroit gets kind of a bad rap. Yes, part of the downtown area still looks like a war zone. However, its not that bad. A little heavy on cheesy casinos, but not as bad as most people would have you believe.

1. Octopus swinging is way cooler than a dish towel.2. Kiss are not from from Detroit, they are from Long Island and wish they were from Detroit.3. White Stripes, Stooges, MC5, Joe Louis, Rosa Parks4. University of Michigan

Fans I ask you, have you ever seen a more lame logo than the Detroit Red Wings logo? What is a Red Wing anyway? Why does this Red Wing have a wheel? Could there possibly be a more retarded name for a hockey team???

Why didn't they just call them the Automakers or the Big 3 or something stupid like that? But Red Wings? I'll bet that if they had a re-naming contest today that that name wouldn't even be considered...it's that lame.

Not only is the name ridiculous, they've decided to keep the idiotic logo intact too. Real nostalgic (not).

One thing we definitely know that Detroit's not famous for: Creativity. Need further proof? What kind of fuel does your car use these days? Any different from 100 years ago? I thought not.

So when you really analyze it, Detroit is a loser town. Just perfect for Rich Rodriguez to work his magic in (even though he's in Ann Arbor, not Detroit, Jim Renaud!)

You fail to mention that Detroit not only gave the world Motown, it is also known as the USA's Greatest Rock and Roll City! Not one, not two, but three Rock and Roll FMs! Bob Seger, MC5, Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, Mitch Ryder, The MC5, just to name a few. Can't recall any major acts from Pittsburg. Detroit was also the the first US appearance city for The Who, Savoy Brown and Rush!

The Motor City Rocks! And it is still and will always be ...HOCKEYTOWN! Come get some Pittsburg!

I'm not from Pittsburg, however, as a Pittsburgh resident, I'll reply.

I wouldn't brag about Faggy Pop. He looks like Babe Ruth's batting gloves. Your opinion of music is negligible since you fail to acknowledge the great DONNIE IRIS! Donnie Iris forgot more about music than all of Detroit will ever know.

As a Detroiter, articles like this only make me annoyed. And while I love going downtown (and not just for games), it's easy to admit that Detroit isn't on anyone's top 10 list.

But cmon dude. My buddy goes to med school at Pitt. My first (and second) impression of that city was that it's no better than Detroit. Yeah, the Lions suck hahahahahaha we get it. As far the cities go, Pittsburgh is Detroit junior.

The majority of Steelers fans that were here in '06 were awesome and I thought Pittsburgh and Detroit had a neat little connection being part of the Rust Belt together. All things aside, I probably won't let this douchebag change my opinion that Pittsburgh is a nice, medium-market town.

Was this article supposed to be funny or informational? Cause it was clearly neither. People have already pointed out the numerous errors, but on top of that, you just make Pittsburghers looks like mud-slinging fools. Our city has its own problems, very similar ones to Detroit. It is ignorant pieces like this that make sad to share a town with such low-class yinzers as yourself.

Give the Detroit fans a little credit. They all rooted for the Steelers back in '06 and allowed Steelers fans from across the country to seize control of The Hockeytown Cafe for Super Bowl Wknd.

I'm sure they'll encounter something similar this wknd.

(For the sake of those making the trip, I just hope those morons in Ohio have finally joined the rest of the civilized world in adopting the EZ Pass system so you don't have to wait in line for an hour to exit that pathetic state.)

Enough with the Hockeytown comments. When you can't even sell out your arena during the playoffs, that's a complete embarrassment. And when Pittsburgh fans can go onto Ticketmaster and buy Stanley Cup tickets for games in Detriot, that's even worse. Hockeytown my ass.

I am from Pittsburgh and have no real problems with Detroit, thought the super bowl was awesome there and respect a hard working town similar to ours, but the Derian Snatcher Hatcher comment is totally off base. He repeatedly back down from big George and is a big pussy, and I hardly call the Malone ordeal an ass whooping more like a flurry of about 5 mostly missing punches. One more thing, don't ever stick up for one of those piece of trash flyers, Umberger can kiss my ass evernthough he is from Pittsburgh......and one more thing the Flyers symbol is the one that is worse than Detroits'....

Nice, Just remember those words. They will be bitter to swallow. This is about A ******* HOCKEY SERIES. Who gives a flying crap about the two cities. Every city has good and bad. If someone from Detroit wanted to waste their time searching the history of Pittsburgh, they could find plenty of dirt too. You Penguin fans haven't earned the right to talk **** yet. If you beat the Wings you will earn it. But not until then. You will soon see the talent of the West is far superior than you have faced this postseason. Oh and your regular season success against the West means nothing. Those were not 7 game series.

I felt some embarassment when Gary Roberts sucker punched the recovering post concussion syndrome victim/post season scoring leader in the temple for no apparent reason. However, I'm sure Gary Roberts understands things on a far different level, much beyond our puny, human comprehension. So, he had his reason, but I as a mortal cringed and felt ashamed... But I still love Gary Roberts. He makes me want to get up for work every morning and beat the crap out of the younger guys with my iron Gary Roberts-like fists of anger. Look out Youngsters!