I was living an extremely burdensome life, because every time I prayed, I became more clearly aware of my faults. On the one hand, God was calling me. On the other, I was following the way of the world. Doing what God wanted made me happy; but I felt bound by the things of this world. The two seemed contrary to each other: spiritual joys, and sensory pleasures. And so, I was not able to concentrate on prayer, because my mind was filled up with a thousand vanities.

This went on for many years, and now I am surprised that I could have put up with both, and not abandoned the one or forsaken the other. Today, I know that forsaking prayer was not in my hands, because God was holding me in his. In his gentle mercy he did not look at my sins, but at my desire to serve him, and the sorrow I felt at not being able to put my desires into practice.