A nuclear holocaust has caused a new ice age and all but wiped out humanity... and the survivors kill time with pointless murder games. Robert Altman's Quintet has two of the greatest movie concepts in history jammed together, in a quintessentially 1970s blend of apocalypse and wacky death game. No wonder Paul Newman is excited! It's like stumbling into Rollerball, Death Race 2000, Jericho and the Sci Fi Channel's Ice all rolled into one. (And check out the proto-Bartertown sets, complete with weird slogans.) Sadly, the seemingly innocent game of Quintet hides a dark secret, as you'll see after the jump.

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The dark secret of Quintet is that it's sort of a crappy game. Here Newman is, having lost his entire family to the postapocalyptic Rottweilers and stab-happy Quintet players, and he's finally killed his last opponent in the game. And it only now occurs to him to find out what the prize is. Which is, basically, bragging rights. You get to hang around the crappy parlor with the guy in the zany felt hat and talk about all the people you scragged. I would at least want a sticker, or maybe a slice of blueberry pie. With whipped cream.