5.11.2014

happy mother's day

i never dreamed of being a mom. it was something i knew that i always wanted to be at some point absolutely, i had a great mother & felt pretty confident that i could & would be one too, but i'd be lying if i said that growing up, "all i ever dreamed of was being a mother." i wanted to be all sorts of things. a spice girl, an actress, a singer, a dancer, a choreographer & most importantly chris's wife (from the day i met him, no really... the day he talked to me i saw a white dress & wedding bells). once we fell in love i dreamed of our life together, our house, our future & i of course picked out our kids names (none that we'd even consider now) ...and i thought how great it'd be when we had babies.

we got married & the number changed from 10 years from now to okay maybe just 2... then we moved to charlotte shortly after & met so many great people with young kids or who were starting their families & for the first time baby fever hit me. i saw how fulfilling & how wonderful having my own family could be, and all of a sudden i wasn't thinking of how great it'd be one day when we had kids, i wanted that one day to be that day. so we prayed about it & hoped that God agreed with our timing.

abel has changed me forever.

when you're pregnant for the first time you love your little belly & all the little love bumps that come along with it, but you really don't know the love you are going to experience once that baby is in your arms. becoming a mother turned my world upside down & inside out in the best way... in a way i couldn't have imagined in my best dreams. from the moment abel was born i was no longer the same 24 year old woman i had been, i was now a mother... entrusted by God to care for this perfect creation. abel has changed my heart. he makes me want to be the best version of myself, he makes the world so much brighter & so much scarier all in the same breath. becoming a parent is the most life giving privilege we will ever be offered & with it comes joy unspeakable. it can be so scary at times, because when you open yourself up to love something THAT much, you are also opening yourself up to potential heartache THAT big. so i pray. over & over, every night, i pray for God to protect Abel & the baby girl in my tum from anything i can't, in all the ways i can't. Being a mother is love in it's purest form & i am blessed and honored.

being abel's mother, i know that he prefers to separate his cracker sandwiches before eating them & always chooses the side with the most filling on it first, he loves to rough house with his dad & knows that when i ask him if it's time to calm down for a little to go and grab a blanket & curl up on the couch with me for an episode of bubble guppies. he's mr. independent right now, except for when anything remotely scary happens & then he's running for my arms. most of his toys are used only for throwing around & not the purpose they were intended... i fear for his sister's life once she arrives because he's mostly all boy & likes to be destructive & make as much noise as possible. he's forever a mama's boy, has the sweetest spirit & if i were to guess, physical touch is his love language. he's really trying to jump right now, and it's adorable in every way... i know a week from now when he figures it out, he will be jumping OFF of things & it'll be terror for me as his mom (wide eyed emoji here). he is the best. i could squeeze him too tight on any given day & never get anything done around here in trade for snuggles. his grin, his grubby little hands on my face, his ever growing toddler bod & the sweet smell of a little boy who loves to play in any dirt he can get his hands on... i love you abel, thank you for changing my name & forever changing my life. you're the sunshine in every day. -- your mama

happy mother's day to my own sweet mother who i love so deeply & to all of the other wonderful mothers in the world! xoxo