Wednesday, October 12, 2005

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE PAN!

Chicago passed an anti-panhandling law last year that - you guessed it smartypants - banned panhandling. The city-wide law was enacted to prevent people from aggressively suggesting you give them some money in exchange for them leaving you alone.

So if you're planning on moving to Chicago to open up your own panhandling franchise, here are the rules:

"No panhandling within 10 feet of a bus shelter or bus stop, a public transportation vehicle or facility, any vehicle parked on a public street or alley, a sidewalk cafe or restaurant, a gas station, or within 10 feet in any direction of an ATM machine, bank, or currency exchange."

So, basically you can only ask people for money if you're in the comfort of your own home. And if you've got a home, chances are you don't need to be asking people for money.

The fine for the first and second offenses within a 12-month period is $50. The fine for a third offense in a 12-month period is $100.

A $50 fine?!?! Do you know how much panhandling a panhandler would have to do to pay a $50 fine? That’s like a whole day’s work! And what happens when they don't pay the fine? Does the city send out a warning notice to an address that doesn't exist? These people are homeless - they're not going to pay fines. The city ought to stick a broom in their hands and tell them if they want to ask people for money, they'd better be sweeping up the sidewalks while they're doing it.