Serena Kirby, a professional writer and AMA mom from Western Australia contacted us recently. Her new book called Better Late than Never Baby includes information and suggestions not found in other sources for expectant moms over age 35. We’ll share excerpts from her book with our audience and letyou how you can get your own copy.

Countless experts state that support is essential in beating tiredness and fatigue. But as the issue of fatigue is often downplayed and overlooked, the support a new mother receives (from her partner and others) may not actually be as adequate or as long lasting as may be required.

As today’s family unit has become increasingly smaller, more isolated (physically and socially) from extended family and more self-sufficient, the ready-made support network found in many other countries is lacking. The result is that many older mothers have little or no support base on which to draw and she is left to primarily fend for herself.

This is a far cry from the support available in many Eastern and European countries where there is a tight extended family and a cultural understanding and expectation of pitching in and helping when a new baby arrives. The old African proverb that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ is still alive and well in many countries.

In China, for example, there is a support practice known as zuo yuzi, which involves a month of confinement after the baby is born. During this highly protective period the new mother is cloistered at home and given high levels of support from relatives. The mother is not allowed to work and is discouraged from getting out of bed (now you’re talking!) as any energy-sapping activity, other than looking after herself and her baby, is considered bad for her health and could in fact do her unthinkable harm in future years. A form of zuo yuzi is adopted in many other Asian countries and while experts say[i] our western culture would make it difficult to emulate, they agree the idea holds definite merit and benefits.

In the absence of zuo yuzi, good advice comes from Australian researcher Carol McVeigh who has argued that women really do need to address the issue of support, where and how to get it before the baby is born, and that support should be considered part of the childbirth education process.[ii] She goes further to suggest that ‘actively enlisting’ help is a skill women should be taught while pregnant.

As such, why not develop a list (then double it) of the support you think you may need and who is available to help. Talk to each person about the issue of fatigue, and the importance of support, and come to an agreement on how and when they can provide assistance. Be specific (write it down if you have to) otherwise all your planning is likely to go out the window (quickly followed by your energy) when the baby arrives. Don’t forget to think past the first six weeks post birth – remember fatigue has a nasty habit of increasing, rather than reducing, over time.

#2 Offers of Help

Change the way you think about accepting help and even practice saying ‘yes’ in front of the mirror. Make it a personal goal to say ‘yes’ whenever the word help is mentioned.

#3 Put ‘Self Care’ on the list

Being a mother is a relentless job and many days during the early months will feel like Groundhog Day. The repetition of feeding, changing, holding and soothing your baby dulls your senses and numbs your mind – all of which fosters fatigue. Finding time for yourself is so rare that it’s no wonder you lose track of who you are – let alone remember what day it is.

It is also a mother’s instinct to put the care of her baby and family before her own, but many studies show that this is often to her own detriment. Taking regular time out and time away from your baby is important. It may be coffee with a friend, a walk, reading a book, enjoying some pampering or simply resting and doing nothing at all. Being off duty helps relieve stress, breaks the repetition of Groundhog Day and gives you a sense of self. It lets your body and mind rejuvenate and rest.

Remember to think of ‘self-care’ as being an essential item, not as something you’ll do if and when you have time. And, by making a standing booking to take time for self care (at least two to three times a week even if you’re working outside the home) you won’t have to repeatedly ask your partner, or someone else, to care for the baby. Everyone will know that there are set times on certain days when you are not available to be with the baby.

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Ask the Expert

This is the column where our readers can write in with their questions. We’ll field the questions to one or more experts in the subject and post the responses typically within 2 weeks. Write Us with Your Question!

Margaret Connor, MPH, CHC

Q: I’ve always had a pretty healthy diet but now that I am pregnant, what vitamins, minerals and other nutrients are critical to include for optimal health for me and my baby?

A: It sounds like you have already helped yourself and your baby by eating healthy before your pregnancy began, which is terrific. Now let’s examine how our metabolic needs do increase during pregnancy. The following vitamins and minerals play a special role in your health and that of your child’s during pregnancy (and often postpartum as well). One exciting detail to consider is that the absorption of nutrients across our intestinal barrier typically increases during pregnancy, so eating good sources of these vitamins and minerals will go a long way towards keeping you equipped with the necessary nutrients.

FOLATE – You’ve probably heard your OB mention this as a valuable supplement that you might have been taking even before you became pregnant. The evidence that folate reduces the risk of neural tube defects is so compelling that the U.S. started fortifying grains with folate in 1998. The current recommendation is for women with child-bearing potential to be taking 400 micrograms/day and for pregnant women to take 600 micrograms/day. Good dietary sources of folate include broccoli, spinach, lentils and other beans. FUN FACT: Did you know that folate is actually Vitamin B9?

IRON – This is the most common deficiency we see in pregnancy and it typically appears in the second or third trimester. During the first trimester, your body’s increased metabolic demands for iron are balanced out by the fact that you are no longer menstruating each month. However, your body’s demands for iron will increase during your pregnancy and as such, your doctor will likely be keeping a close eye on your levels. On average, 13-40 mg/day of iron supplementation is recommended. Most prenatal vitamins (which we actually take during pregnancy) contain about 30mg. If you are found to be iron-deficient, or anemic, your doctor will place you on a higher dose and recommend that you continue supplementation postpartum. The best dietary sources of iron are read meat, poultry, fortified cereals and beans. Iron is best absorbed from food when it is eaten with foods containing Vitamin C.

CALCIUM – Calcium is required for your baby to grow healthy bones and teeth. Some studies have also shown that calcium supplementation during pregnancy can lower your risk for pregnancy-induced hypertension and preterm delivery due to preeclampsia. It is recommended that pregnant mamas get 1000mg of calcium per day. The average daily intake for most women is about half that amount. As a result, most prenatal vitamins provide calcium supplementation. Good dietary sources of calcium include dairy products, sardines, collard greens, sesame seeds and tofu. To be honest, with the exception of dairy (which I don’t tolerate) that can be a tough list of foods to find palatable during pregnancy. Just do what you can.