Thursday, February 17, 2011

I got a couple of twitter questions about taking cloth. I'd planned on posting about it in detail upon our return, but for now, here's some answers to those folks while I'm planning and packing.

This time I am only going Friday-Monday, so I won't need to do laundry.

My daughter is down to about 5-6 diapers per day, plus a nighttime diaper. That means for the whole trip, I'll need about 24 diapers. Factor into that (a) she will be swimming some, so will be wearing swim diapers too, and (b) the theme of the weekend might end up being "teach Wee One to use the potty" and we are also taking panties. Given that I have about ten thousand diapers, it's not hard to pack a stash to take. Okay, slight exaggeration. But I can pack that 24 needed diapers in prefolds or I can pack it in pockets and still have plenty.

I am taking both. I am on a prefold/cover kick whenever I can put those on her, so we are taking a bunch of prefolds and all our covers. It's easy to pack those in a tote bag. However, for the long car ride there and the long car ride home, and for naps/nighttime, I prefer the pockets. I have diapers in the washer right now that just need a rinse/dry, and then those can be packed.

I am taking all our wetbags. I will have two big wetbags at the hotel to keep diapers in, and I have three small ones that can be interchanged in the diaper bag for out-and-about. I'll just accumulate 4 days of dirties in the two large wetbags, and wash as soon as we get home.

When we went on a road trip last June, I used cloth the entire time as well. That was a bit longer trip, but still not a full week. The first night we scouted out a laudromat to use, just in case. That's what I would do for a longer trip. Not necessarily because I would need more diapers, but because more than 4 days in a wetbag isn't a good idea. (I still recommend an oxyclean hot wash upon the return to help keep the stinkies at bay.)

On that trip I did need to wash a poopy cover in the sink. I take Thirsties detergent with me, so I can do any emergency washing in the sink.

Swim diapers will be the issue this time. I only have two swim diapers. Those I probably will have to rinse out in the sink and hang to dry and reuse if necessary. I have packed two old, small pocket diapers, as I have heard those can be used well (that's really all the Bummi's swim diapers are anyway). We will see how those work. I also have a pack of disposable swim diapers in the trunk. I don't want my kid to be the reason the pool has to be drained. No sir, not me!

One of the benefits to cleaning out my trunk for the first time since before I was pregnant was finding some small treasures from before I was pregnant. Like, a coke-stained cd case with some cds I was missing.

From before I was pregnant.

They're great road trip cds, so my daughter is just going to have to learn to live with OPM, 3 Doors Down, Seether (okay, maybe not that one), Holly Williams, Cowboy Junkies, and SEVERAL mix cd's labeled things like Rock A, Rock B, Vacation CD #1, Vacation CD # 2, Country Girls, and MAN (it actually has his name on it, but I can't think of anything better to call him at the moment and WOMANIZING DRUNK takes up too much space.) I can't WAIT to hit the road and start listening to the gems that I remember are on them, and the ones that will be a surprise.

The first one, though, was extremely fun to listen to this morning on the way to daycare.

After a particularly gut-wrenching episode with the drunk womanizer (where he married someone else while I thought we were dating and I didn't find out until I went to work on Monday) I started going out to listen to live music. Mostly alone. And mostly trashed drunk. But listening to live music was something that I truly adore, and so I picked my (drunken) self up off the floor and found some venues and some shows and I went.

Some were particularly enjoyable. Some were marginal. Some I got a contact buzz, which was a new experience for me.

One in particular was a CD release party by a local band I'd never heard of before. But hey, 10 bucks got you in the door, a free cd, and your first drink, so why the fuck not? The band was called Gardenhose, the album titled Epiphany, and sure enough, I got a cd and a drink with my 10 bucks. Me and the other 10 people standing around.

The opening act was a woman who sang my entire life while sitting on a stool with a guitar, so I just hid in the corner and wept. The actual band was pretty good (god, I must have been really drunk), so I was glad for the cd.

I have thought about that night and that cd several times, and wondered what happened to it. I couldn't remember the name of the band to even look them up online to see whatever happened to them.

Then last night, deep in the trunk, under all the trash and the pair of size 3 toddler shoes and the Christmas dog that I hid from my kid because she knows how to make it bark. Under magnets from my old office that fell out of the box, and a pile of wet, dirty business cards that probably came from the same place, under grimy posterboard from who knows when for who knows what ... I found the purple, stained, once-glittery cd case.

This morning on our way to daycare, I popped in "Epiphany" by Gardenhose.

Oh my god, it's bad.

The guy can't even sing on key. How did I not notice this?

The guitar is awesome. The song is fairly well written. But I'm laughing hysterically at the vocalist.

The song hits me in the gut. I can remember standing there that night, listening to them play. I can remember drinking beer after beer out of a can to try not to feel what I was feeling. I can remember wearing my red barn coat because it was cold. I can remember trying not to meet eyes of others so they couldn't see I'd been crying. I remember wanting to drown.

I don't remember how bad the music was. Now I'm realizing how bad it really is.

Then the best part? I look into my rearview mirror to see my girl ... jamming to the guitar in the song. Nodding her head, shaking it back and forth, in time to the beat.

That's my girl.

--

My morning was going to be well choreographed. My day is going to have to go exceedingly well to accomplish everything I need to do, and try to get enough sleep to hit the road on time. We made it out the door on time, dropoff at daycare went smoothly. Until ...

Blah blah blah too many kids blah blah blah filling back up blah blah blah. Basically, we have the opportunity (!) to make another transition or stay in the room we are in, but the composition of both those rooms will be changing.

Essentially the decisions I need to make are:

- Do I want my child to be the youngest in the group or the oldest in the group? We discussed how much she blossomed when she moved up to the Twos room initially (hellos, numbers and letters here). I talked about how much she learns by watching others and the director talked about how much she soaks stuff up. The director mentioned that some children can regress in their skills if they no longer have older/more skilled children to look up to. Other children do not regress, and enjoy being a leader of the group.

-Who do I want to be my daughter's primary caregiver? This answer might be mutually exclusive with the previous answer, so which gets more weight?

-My daughter is part of a clique. There are three girls who are all friends, plus a boy that pushes and hits. The director has talked to the other girls' moms, who want to keep the group together. One for all, kind of thing - was the director's exact words. When I shared that my daughter seems like she has bonded with the Twos caregiver after her last transition, but that I think she might be okay with the other caregivers if she moves up, the director noted that the other moms felt the same way. Well, one other mom. The other mom she hasn't talked to yet.

-I didn't think to ask about the biting. Are the kids in the creeper room still having issues with biting, and if so, are the biters the ones that are moving up? She wasn't supposed to, but she answered that question the last time we transitioned. I didn't think to ask about that this morning.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Items on my to-do list for today that have been accomplished:
Write lecture quiz for 9:10 class
Set up lab exam for 10:35 class
Clean up lab exam
Go to wally world to take some stuff back, look for swim floaties, buy snacks and stuff to shave my legs, etc.
Daycare Valentine's party at 3pm
Dinner with the 'rents
Find out if my Roadside Assistance is still valid (it's not, adding another item below)
Get overnight bag from mom
Drink a beer

Items on my to-do list for today that are not yet accomplished:
Clean out car (trunk is done. The rest is ... not.)
Do discussion board posting for finance class
Figure out what the hell I'm doing for Roadside Assistance now
Finish laundry

Items on my to-do list for tomorrow:
Grade lab exams from level II class, post grades to Blackboard
Write a quiz for 9:10 class
Write a quiz for 9:10 class for T after vacation
Set up lab exam for 10:35 class
Clean up lab exam
Print map to resort
Get oil changed in car
Finish packing
Do diaper laundry
Pack car
Get kid to sleep at a reasonable time
Finish writing argument paper for principles class and post to discussion board
Sleep for 6 hours before driving for 12

I'm going to need a vacation after getting ready for vacation.

My dad, over dinner, once AGAIN asked me unreasonable questions about "this person" I am meeting and whether I've verified her address in the phone book to make sure she exists. Also, what am I going to do if my car doesn't make it. (I didn't tell him about the Roadside Assistance thing. No need to add fuel to the fire.)

Off to post to the discussion board, start a load of laundry, and clean more crap out of my car. Are we having fun yet?

Friday afternoon at 3-to-4 pm, the Wee One and I are scheduled to meet up with Jellybean Mama and the Bean herself for a long weekend of girl fun.

I am so excited I can barely contain myself.

I have alot to do between now and then.

Namely, drive from here to there with a toddler in a car seat.

At first glance I thought the drive-all-night thing would be a good plan. I could give her a bath, read her a book, get her ready for bed, then plunk her in the car and take off into the darkness. I'd wear a Depends adult diaper and drive straight through the night with my kid sleeping peacefully in the backseat.

However, that would mean arriving around 8 am with her waking up from a fresh night of sleep, me being completely zombified and dead, and 8 hours to go before checkin and meetup.

Plan B is ... leave out at 3 am.

Tomorrow night I will have everything packed and in the car, ready to go. I will put the kid to bed as early as possible, hopefully around 7 pm, then go to bed myself. I'll set the alarm for about 2:30a, pack any last minute items into the car and get it running and warm, then scoop her up into her carseat and hit the road.

I'm thinking if she sleeps until 7-ish, that will give me four good hours of driving straight before we stop for breakfast. Probably at McD, if only to play in a (hopefully) playland. The morning will be Dora DVDs, singing along to CD's, opening new toys (that I still have to buy and wrap up and make sure they get into the car), and books. Lunch again at a play area. Nap 12:30-2:30, and then we'll be almost there.

In my head, it won't be a big deal at all. We'll just break it up into segments, and get each one under our belt and move on.

My mom is pretty much over her trepidation about me driving to the beach to meet a complete stranger. My dad? Not so much. He doesn't care about the meet-a-stranger part as much as the drive-twelve-hours-with-a-toddler part. He almost gave me The Curse over dinner Monday night. I told him I thought it would be fine and if it's not, then I'll just deal with it as best I can. He said "I've done it with you when you were little. That's all I'm going to say."

And now, for the funniest part of this post. I hit "publish post". Then I clicked the View Post link. To paste into Twitter. Hmmm, that's funny, when did my blog turn blue? Oh, wait, that's not my MommieV blog. That's my Professor Biology Blog. (I'm not linking because that blog is NOT anonymous, it even lists my office phone number and office hours, and I don't need all you people showing up in my lab exam tomorrow.) I am SO VERY glad that I realized that, and took it down, before all my students were visiting Jellybean Mama's blog.

However, it would explain to them why said lab exam might not get graded until Tuesday!

Monday, February 14, 2011

I am an intelligent person. I feel somewhat narcissistic saying that, but I don't mean it to sound that way. I had a high GPA in high school, a good enough GPA in college. I have a Ph.D. in a biomedical science that I received when I was 27. I am a college professor. I am a speed reader. I am a visual learner. Those skills help me to retain details that I can feed back to people to make them think I'm smart.

I am not an attractive person. I not unattractive. But I'm not one of the beautiful people, either. I am more overweight than I want to be. I have horrible skin these days because I don't pick up the phone to call the doctor. I'm comfortable being a slob, so that's just me.

In therapy circa 2003 I found a program that in 10 weeks promised to cure you from all ill effects of childhood sexual abuse (hello topic-never-before-mentioned-on-the-blog.) It was supposed to be an intensive therapy program, and the clinical research made it sound wonderful. In a session with a graduate student I mentioned my deeply held belief that people could not be both intelligent and beautiful. "God gives you one or the other" I told the student. And since I was clearly on the intelligent side (newly minted Ph.D to show for that), I obviously was not beautiful.

The student was clearly taken aback by my confession. She waited until after the session, while we were walking down the stairs in the presence of other people to begin to challenge my belief. Her chosen example? Herself. "Well, I am beautiful and intelligent, aren't I?" No, my dear, you're a moron.

All of this is a long introduction to my concern.

Everyone at daycare calls my daughter Pretty Girl.

My daughter is beautiful. Her father is the most handsome man I ever met. He is athletic and strong and gorgeous and charming and if he wasn't a womanizing alcoholic he would be a god. My hope for her is that she has my intellect and his physicality.

She is beautiful. She was born with a head full of hair and garnered attention immediately. If I wanted to slink through life as an introverted, overweight, slovenly, lazy single mother, my hopes are dashed. People are drawn to us everywhere. "Look at the hair on that baby."

Daycare is the worst. Her primary caregiver for the first 10 months literally nicknamed her "Pretty Girl". Every morning when we walk in, someone calls her Pretty Girl. It may be the assistant director. It may be her first caregiver. It may be someone from the preschool room who just knows her in passing, but still calls her Pretty Girl.

I've mostly let go of my mental dichotomy. I've met enough beautiful and intelligent women to let myself believe that it's not an either-or. I've prayed that she has received the best of her genetic mix.

It still bothers me that she's not called Smart Girl. Or just Girl. Or, you know, by her name. She is not yet two, and she can count to 10 completely by herself, unprompted. She can sing the alphabet song with you, and if you sing it in sections, she can do the letters before you say them.

Let me repeat that. My kid is not yet two and can say numbers and letters.

So she is, apparently, both intelligent and beautiful.

But what message does it send her when she's called Pretty Girl? Is she slowly absorbing, as she is numbers and letters, that Pretty is better than Smart? That Pretty is Ideal? That Pretty is what draws people to you, and therefore is The Thing To Be?

Yes, I'm probably overthinking as usual. Maybe it doesn't matter.

But what if it does? What if the message that is being sent to her is subliminal conditioning for Pretty. What if the other girls that aren't being called Pretty Girl, who aren't being praised for being petite with so much hair, what if they are subtly absorbing that Pretty is better. The caregivers like you if you are the Pretty Girl. The other mommies like you if you are the Pretty Girl.

I love it that my kid is the one that might get the advantages from being the Pretty Girl. But is that what I really want her to learn?

And what do you say to a daycare full of women who call your daughter Pretty Girl?

Sunday, February 13, 2011

When I was planning out my classes for my Master's degree, and planning out my tenure notebook, I realized that with just a little tweaking, I could get them to coincide. I could be finishing my Master's in Higher Education Administration at the same time I was being evaluated for tenure. (1) That would look great to the folks evaluating me for tenure, I would think, and (2) in the event that I don't get tenure and instead get a terminal contract, it will look good on a resume for another job search.

The tweaking would consist of doubling up on courses for two semesters. That shouldn't be a big deal. Taking one course by itself was kindof a breeze. There was alot to read, sure, so I read before bed at night. A few comments on the discussion board, a paper here and there, it wasn't that big of a deal to work into my normal schedule.

That professor was teaching another class, so I decided to continue with her. Also, my advisor was teaching a class - both online and on campus. She tried to talk me into the on-campus section, but my mom already watches my kid one to two days a week as it is, so wanting her to babysit - and do bedtime stuff - an additional night a week would be alot to ask. Especially since the same class by the same professor would also be offered online.

I registered for one class and waitlisted the other class. Meanwhile, I found out my overload class didn't make, so I'm not teaching an extra class myself this semester. I thought it would be the perfect semester to give the "doubling up" a try when I was moved from the waitlist into the second class.

Oh. My. Gawd.

The professor from last semester is still great. The class is organized in much the same way. There is alot of reading - the class is on resource management in higher ed, so that's expected - but it's not anything that's too unreasonable.

The advisor's class is the class from hell. It's interesting - which is about it's only redeeming value. Her discussion board assignments aren't just "discuss topic x". They are things like this:

Eddy makes the point that institutional fit is the critical concern for those involved in a leadership search. That means not only understanding the instutional culture and mission, but finding out the multideminsional ways a new leader might approach institutional goals or challenges.

For this assignment, you're going to construct another table. It's purpose is to develop interview questions for a presidential search based on the literature (leadership research).

1. Find an ad for a president position at some college or university. Again, the Chronicle is your best source. As soon as you determine which position you're going to use, post it here -- a "got it" post. For example, "I'm using the search for a President at Moberly Area Community College in Moberly Missouri." There should be no overlap -- in other words, no two people should use the same presidential search.

Do a little leg work and find out the basics about the institution. Ipeds can't be beat as a source of basic information! You might look for their strategic plan online or cruise their web site.

2. Column one should list an aspect of effective leadership and be a reference to a source. For example, Birmbaum says that constituencies must support the president for a president to be effective. Specifically, he names trustees, faculty, and administrators. Each of these constituencies might represent a separate box in your table (e.g., "Birmbaum (1992) Trustee support as a measure of public interests or community support"). Don't just use Birmbaum! Be sure to think about what the other sources are saying about effective leadership.

3. Column two should bullet the specifics about the institution that are relevant to the aspect of effective leadership. For example, at community colleges trustees are often locally elected so a president with a history of forming relationship in local areas with local employers will be important. By contrast, trustees at regional colleges are often appointed by the governor, so a president with a history of forming relationships in government and philanthrophy will be important. Column two should list specifics from the institution and the institutional context!

4. Column three should name the question (not always in question format) you'll ask given the the first two columns. For example, "Describe your experience forming partnerships with regional employers around program planning" for a community college search with lots of vocational programs. You may ask more than one question in this box, but no more than three. If you need more than three, break it apart into different rows.5. Column four should name expected answers given the other columns. What ideally would the candidate say in response to the question?

6. Conclude by making some general comments. What important points rise to the top for you when thinking about effective leadership?

That's what I worked on last week while grading 120 essay exam questions, preparing for my Division Chair interview, and discussing the high tuition/high aid model in the other class. This week's assignment is:

This week we go to the heart of the difference between leadership in business or military and college or universities. Traditionally universities have been faculty lead and faculty governed. Faculty not only contribute to conversations around decision-making, they often cast the deciding vote. When a faculty takes a vote of "no confidence," boards often fire presidents. Faculty support is critical to leadership effectiveness.

Read the assigned chapter and articles then construct an argument using the Toulmin framework about faculty governance and the degree to which faculty should govern at a modern college or university. So, you'll need a claim, because clauses (based on the data -- assigned readings or other sources), a qualifier (the degree to which your claim is true) and a rebuttal -- name the counter arguments

I have to give 4 lab exams (and by give I mean: write, set up, monitor for cheating, take down, repeat three more times, grade them all) and get ready for my road trip with a toddler at the end of the week. Meanwhile I'll have yet another assignment to work on immediately after getting home, and a paper, both of which are due three days after my vacation. When the exams are supposed to be graded.

So basically the "doubling up" idea? Was a bad one.

Which is why you haven't seen me around these parts lately. It would just be me complaining about the havoc my hormones are wrecking on my body, so it's probably good that I've been quiet!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

So, in addition to Caffeine Free Coke, I have another addiction: McDonald's cheeseburgers.

Remember the wind storm? What that hurricane with the I-name came up through Texas and didn't stop and kept right on up through the midwest bringing 50-mph winds and destruction? I was pregnant, and sleeping on the couch when the chimney on the roof of my apartment building landing on the ground. I woke up craving McDonald's. So I went driving around (the wind was gone) to find the only McDonalds in the tri-state area that still had power. Sat in the drive-thru for an hour. Have I mentioned I was pregnant?

The morning I found out I was having a girl? McDonalds.

Every morning for the last week before I went into the hospital? McDonalds. Hmm, wonder why my blood pressure would have been up.

On the corner of the campus where I now teach? McDonalds. Every day for lunch for the entire fall semester last year? McDonalds.

I have read the book The Ten Trusts, written by Jane Goodall and a canine behaviorist Mark something-or-other. (Bekoff. Got it when I went to get the amazon link.) When she started getting close to talking about slaughterhouses, I politely skipped to the next chapter.

I understand that animals die to make hamburgers. I understand that animals die to make my McDonalds hambugers. I just like to politely overlook that fact and keep eating my cheeseburgers thankyouverymuch. I don't like to handle raw meat, so I no longer purchase or cook meat. I eat it sometimes if someone else cooks it for me, but at home it's veggies and grains. But then, the craving begins, and I find myself in line at McDonalds.

My friends all went through the phase where they posted the link on facebook about what's really in your McDonalds hamburger. I just scrolled right on past. Yes, I imagine that at the heart of it, McDonalds is really gross. I'd rather not know the details.

But then, when reading through some comments on a blog post somewhere, some stupid shit said "it's like that story about how McDonalds hamburgers are all hooves and skin and parts they can't put in anything else, and it's so gross they have to clean it with ammonia before making it into hamburgers."

Oh. My. Gawd.

I read it before I realized what I was reading.

And then it was too late.

The damage was done.

I think about it every time I drive past (which is often three times in a day). I think about it every time I want a cheeseburger.

Monday I caved. Two cheeseburger extra value meal. Yes, it tastes exactly like you would expect hooves and skin soaked in ammonia and then seasoned to sortof taste like nothing to taste like. I couldn't finish it. I felt sick. Tuesday I went through the drive thru and bought chicken nuggets. Much less satisfying, and I couldn't finish those. Yesterday I went through the drive thru and just bought coffee.

This is horrible. I can't stop thinking about how many times I've eaten hooves and skin soaked in ammonia. And how badly I want to eat a McDonalds cheeseburger without thinking about hooves and skin soaked in ammonia.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

So, it's Monday. Normal, typical Monday. We are at daycare for dropoff. In the parking garage, Wee One sees one of the little boys in her class and says "Eli!". So we say good morning to Eli and his family. In the hallway she says "Parker?". In the classroom she asks again. Then through the classroom window she sees a girl in her mother's arms coming in. "Parker!" with a huge smile.

She was about to melt down and cry, and wanted me to hold her 20 seconds ago. Now she wriggles to the ground and runs to Parker's mom, barely letting them in the door and pulling Parker from her mother's arms. Parker looks only slightly interested in being accosted by my daughter, but I take the opportunity to slip out of the congested doorway by planting a kiss on my daughter's head and leaving for work.

At my mom's Monday evening, my daughter starts pulling off her pants. When we ask her what she is doing, she says "big girl potty?". So I help her undress and put her on the big potty. I have to hold her in place (man, she's tiny compared to the toilet). While I am bent over holding her in place and she is clutching the seat with all her might, she turns a hopeful face to me and says:

"Parker?"

"Does Parker go to the potty?" I ask. "Uh-huh" she nods. "Does Wee One go to the potty?" I ask. She nods again, contemplating lifting a hand to point to herself as she normally does when I say her name, but then she thinks better of letting go.

Finally she indicates that's she done with the balancing act. As I lift her to the floor she says "Parker big girl potty". I say "Wee One big girl potty too", but she is uninterested. "Nakey!" is her reply.

Tuesday afternoon at Nan's was more of the same. We moved her little potty chair out in front of the tv (which at daycare this morning they said might not be a great idea - for routine you should keep the potty in the same place.) The challenge is that she doesn't want to sit long enough for anything to happen, which is why we thought the in-front-of-Dora thing might work. It didn't lengthen the time she remained seated at all, though.

The whole time, she's talking about Parker. Parker big girl potty.

So this morning while getting dressed, she asked about Parker. I told her she might see Parker today, and that she could show Parker the pretty skirt we were putting on. The rest of the morning she walked around pointing to her skirt and chanting Parker's name.

So my kid has a bff. I'm kindof proud, and kindof worried. I need to read that book about helping your daughter navigate friendships.

Right after I read one about potty training.

Seriously, this seems to have snuck up on me. I'm not at all ready for potty training. I have no cloth trainers. I have no idea what I'm doing. This morning I asked the director for the cliff's notes version of what I should be doing and the answer was "every family approaches potty training differently." She did say that my daughter is very bright (I almost cried!), she did say she thinks that Wee One will catch on quick. She did say that it's sometimes easier to potty train in the daycare setting because they see other kids doing it. She said routine is helpful. She said give it a week and talk to the caregiver to see what she thinks about training pants (a week? It will take that long to get some cloth ones ordered and prepped. I forget that other people just go to the store and buy a box of Pull-ups.)

I figured that on vacation, Wee One would see JR using the potty and be inspired. I also figured that at some point over a frosty beverage I'd ask Jellybean Mama for her insight into potty training (I remember blog posts that spoke of frustration and barricading themselves in the kitchen. I'm not sure I'm ready for this.) I figured after I got tax money I'd try to sell some diapers and buy some trainers, and by then it would be almost time for my summer vacation, which is when I'd planned on starting the potty.

This accelerates my timetable somewhat.

But, if she wants to use the potty, I'm not stopping her. Even if it is because she wants to impress Parker.