Tales from the front.

Crazy In Love, Or Just Crazy? Readers Check In

July 18, 1993|By Cheryl Lavin.

Remember Michael, Elizabeth, Karen and Kelsey?

Michael said Elizabeth was the love of his life, but he wound up marrying Karen because of a silly fight. He never loved Karen the way he loved Elizabeth-he thought that "crazy in love" feeling happens only once-but he and Karen had a pretty good marriage and three children. And then he met Kelsey, who was "Elizabeth reincarnated." He felt "crazy in love" again, and this time he didn't want to blow it. He left his wife for Kelsey. Is he a fool or a wise man? Your thoughts:

Janet: "If Michael had stayed with Karen, he would have cheated everyone-him and Kelsey out of their great love and Karen out of her chance for one. And what would he be teaching his children? That as long as things aren't horrible, it doesn't matter that they're not wonderful? That safety is more important than fulfillment? Leaving means that for a few years, everyone's life will be upset. Staying robs him of his happiness for whatever's left of his life. One is a crisis, the other is a tragedy."

Joanne: "Dad falls in love, feels it's his divine right to have excitement and passion and splits. `I'm sorry, kids, but Daddy just isn't happy with Mommy anymore. You want Daddy to be happy, don't you?'

"I married young and foolishly. I wasn't happy, though there were many times I felt content. My husband and I had little in common except our two sons, but we got along well. After nine years, he said he was choking and took off with his secretary. I would never have done that. I believe when you marry and have children, you have committed to something larger than yourself, and I have yet to meet kids who were better off after a divorce, unless the marriage was abusive.

"To those who say they can't live without `crazy-in-love' love and that simple love and respect are boring them to death, I say, `Grow up.' To those who say life's too short not to be happy, I say spend your time trying to leave your little part of the world better off during your short time on it, instead of just gratifying yourself."

Denise: "Kudos to Michael for having the courage to grasp what he was so desperately lacking: passion and love. So many people remain in marriage for the wrong reasons: children, security, comfort or fear of the unknown. They always say life is too short, but in reality, it's much too long to spend it with somebody you don't truly love or who doesn't truly love you."

David: "Michael made the wrong decision. I have been with my wife for over 20 years. We don't have an ideal marriage, but leaving her now to satisfy my urges would be wrong. Yet I am not without the feelings Michael has. I know a young woman who makes me feel differently than any other woman, including my wife, ever has. But I won't act on my urges. Both she and my wife deserve better than a two-timing cheater."

Renee: "I understand how Michael could have married Karen for the wrong reasons. I did the same thing. Security and trying to please everyone played key roles in my decision. I've been married for five years and have a beautiful baby.

"I get along very well with my husband, but it's not fulfilling. It's not what I think marriage should be. Michael deserves to be happy. If it took another woman to open his eyes, so be it. I admire Michael's courage, and I hope I can find the same courage for myself."

Cassie: "I am a staunch believer in children being entitled to a happy mommy and a happy daddy, even if that means they are apart."

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Did your partner settle for you? How has it worked out? Send your tale to Cheryl Lavin, Tales From the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. Include your name, address, and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column.