]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/08/07/052-coaching-as-a-lifestyle/feed/0Curious about life coaching? Wondering how to find answers inside yourself & further reach your potential? Do you ask how you can better help your friends? This is a candid...Curious about life coaching? Wondering how to find answers inside yourself & further reach your potential? Do you ask how you can better help your friends? This is a candid...Get Control of Your Life53:06http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/08/07/052-coaching-as-a-lifestyle/Hiroshimahttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/-fEhTEZDj88/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/08/06/hiroshima/#respondSun, 06 Aug 2017 18:14:05 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2327This week we “lament, and grieve our own complicity in the bombing of Hiroshima in 1945 on the Feast of the Transfiguration. The atomic bomb became a symbol of humanity’s capacity for negative transfiguration.”

So writes Father Richard Rohr, keenly aware that he lives near “Trinity Site,” where the bomb was tested before it was used to destroy two cities in Japan. “This is a reminder to me,” he wrote, “that my capacity for evil is as close as my backyard and my own shadow [myself].”

Transfiguration marks the time when Jesus climbed a mountain with two of his disciples—Peter and James—and was transfigured before their eyes. It was a profound spiritual experience when “dazzling brightness which emanated from His whole Body was produced by an interior shining of His Divinity.”*

Whether or not you are American, I thought Rohr’s devotional on the subject was both timely and universal enough to share portions with you. May the anniversary give all of us us pause to remember and reflect.

In considering the life message of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, a French Carmelite nun who lived just over a hundred years ago, the contrast between WHO WE ARE and WHO WE COULD BE is stark indeed. Rohr went on:

“What if we had studied the “science of love” in the Little Way as she did? Harnessing the energy in the smallest interactions, moment by moment, we might have found that, indeed, “Love is as strong as Death” (Song of Songs 8:6). What if we had practiced confidence as Thérèse did–as deep trust in the mercy, love, and goodness of God? Maybe we would not have found ourselves in the position where good people participated in the continual “sin of the world” (John 1:29), which I am convinced is ignorant killing. Endless forms of ignorant killing are destroying the world. We need to recognize our own personal and structural violence. The death instinct always comes from people who are unconscious, unaware, and indeed do not know what they are doing. Now we can hear Jesus on the cross and know why he said, “Forgive them, Father, they don’t know what they’re doing” (Luke 23:34). When we love, we do know what we are doing! Love, if it is actually love, is always a highly conscious act. We do evil when we slip into unconsciousness.”

“Thérèse learned the “science of love” not by willfully forcing herself to be loving, but by being aware of and learning from the times she was tempted to be unloving or overly attached to her own emotions.

“As Carl Jung taught after the First World War, so much external hatred and carnage could only have emerged if it was preceded by decades of inner fear, hatred, and negativity that grew unchecked and unrecognized. Because the inner world was not healed or renewed, Jung predicted that another blood bath was on its way, which of course became the Second World War. Thérèse showed us the way out of this pattern by addressing the foundational cause of all historical wars and hatred: the blindness and the fears of the human heart.”**

So the bottom line is this. We must recognize that both the best and the worst of humanity are not just OUT THERE, they are IN US. We all have the capacity to be and contribute amazing goodness and horrific suffering.

When we see the sin and shortcomings of others, we do well to pause and reflect on our own hearts and minds.

In the mindset of Sister Simone Campbell, we need to move beyond anger; we need to be broken by the pain and injustices we see in the world.

And humility would teach us that we are as capable of the same wrongs that we so easily judge.

To repeat Rohr’s words: “When we love, we do know what we are doing! Love, if it is actually love, is always a highly conscious act.”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/08/06/hiroshima/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/08/06/hiroshima/Life’s Teachershttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/OH8p7a0KZw8/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/08/02/lifes-teachers/#commentsWed, 02 Aug 2017 07:43:57 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2450“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

How willing are you to learn from others? Here is a lovely guest article by Jennifer Larson.

Our interview rooms were side by side down the last aisle in the Kansas City Department of Children & Family Service Center. I was a new caseworker and Kimberly was a ten year seasoned worker. Our duties included interviewing clients face to face for state and federal assistance programs. Kim had a remarkable way of reaching out to clients in their time of need.

I leaned on her knowledge and expertise when I needed another set of eyes during moments of uncertainty. At the time, I had no idea her mentoring would reach far beyond the workplace.

I think we gain valuable insight and courage from the people with whom we cross paths. They help us face adversity and change when we need it the most and when we least expect it.

The term “teacher” should not be reserved for academia; teachers are, in every sense of the word, our family, friends, partners, coaches, coworkers, and, sometimes, even strangers.

Who are the teachers in your life?

How magnificent would it be if you could gather all of the mentors from your life into one room – all of the outstanding souls who have inspired your passions, your talents, and your dreams? Think about all the unforgettable people who help guide you towards the things you’re the most passionate about. Competitive coaches, determined teachers, relentless parents, and unfiltered partners. Though often unforeseen, many of these people have a hand in helping you navigate your way through life. They influence and assist both your personal and your professional growth.

Our friendships and our romantic relationships often go unnoticed as the ones that reveal the most. These are the people that not only help you rebuild your dreams; they also remind us to have them.

Our “teachers” ignite the light in us all and remind us we are still young at heart and unstoppable. Through our dynamic relationships, they have the ability to help us indulge in our greatness, and to take pride in our winnings.

Someone close to me once said, “I don’t think we met to magnify ourselves, but, rather to magnify the other.”

Sometimes our version of ourselves is often skewed. It is through our personal connection with other people that we not only see our lack of luster but also our shine.

When life invites us to stand beside someone even after we’ve spoken your truth, you don’t hesitate. You just say yes. These are the moments and the people that matter.

Sometimes the people that leave the largest imprints on us are the ones we know the least. It is our brief interactions with people and an often-overwhelming fear of judgment that force us to uncover our own insecurities. These interactions deliver the truth about us and alter our perceptions of the world; they become life lessons that add up over time and help us reset our priorities.

Take the best from all of these interactions — The individuals who create deeply personal connections as well as the fleeting strangers that drift through our lives. These individuals establish the upper boundaries of our emotional classroom. Taken collectively, these teachers guide our life’s education. If you can harness the lessons they are willing to teach then your ability to learn has no limits.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/08/02/lifes-teachers/feed/1http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/08/02/lifes-teachers/Letting Gohttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/1OJKcxvPTCw/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/31/letting-go/#respondMon, 31 Jul 2017 09:16:19 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1471One of the ironies in getting control of your life is the need to let go of some things.

Getting control of your life is not about becoming a control freak. People who have the need to order their world so much they must control others, are hard to be around. They fret or get angry when they don’t get their way. Their lives are so out of control, they feel a false sense of power by controlling others and trying to control situations.

The exercise is usually fruitless at best, and devastating at worst. Emotional and physical abuse are extreme examples of trying to be in control.

I’m reminded of a strategy once used to catch monkeys. Poachers would drill holes into a hollowed-out coconut hull and place an enticing bit of food inside. They would then chain the coconut to a tree. A monkey would smell the treat and put its hand inside to retrieve it. With the fist holding the food, there was no getting out. The monkey was trapped.

All the monkey had to do to free itself was let go of the food to relax their hand. It was that impossible, yet that simple.

We are like that. We think we will remain in control if we hang on tightly. But sometimes letting go is what will free us up.

Franciscan Priest, Richard Rohr, thinks we have three primary areas for which we need to let go:

Success

The need to be right

Power

Getting comfortable with a degree of uncertainty is a sign of healt and maturity. We can’t know everything. We can’t predict how others will respond or act. We can’t even count on what the weather will do.

Rohr explained the three in a recent devotional:

“There are three primary things that we have to let go of, in my opinion. First is the compulsion to be successful. Second is the compulsion to be right—even, and especially, to be theologically right. (That’s merely an ego trip, and because of this need, churches have split in half, with both parties prisoners of their own egos.) Finally there is the compulsion to be powerful, to have everything under control.”*

I find it interesting that the Old English meaning of forgiveness is linked to “giving up.”**

What do you need to let go of? That recognition you long for? Unrealistic expectations? Loneliness? Fears? Disappointments? Failures? Annoying frustrations about others?

Remember that even a little seed has to die and fall into the ground. Only then can it receive the nurturing of the sun and rain to begin to grow again.

What do you need to let go of and will you do it?

*Richard Rohr’s Meditation: Letting Go Of Our Demons; July 21, 2014

If you would like to subscribe to Richard Rohr’s daily medication emails from the Center for Action and Contemplation, click here: https://cac.org/sign-up

**http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=forgive

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/31/letting-go/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/31/letting-go/When A Bargain Isn’t A Bargainhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/PqlQQNKR1Zc/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/25/when-a-bargain-isnt-a-bargain/#respondTue, 25 Jul 2017 14:34:08 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1524I love bargains. In fact, I have such a reputation among my friends, they sometimes ask me to help them shop; I truly am “Dealtime Deb.”

However there are times, many times, when a bargain is not a bargain. I have stuff in my house I never use. I made the mistake of falling for a deal when I really didn’t need it or could not afford it.

How do you know when a deal is a deal?

Here are some reasons our justifications may not be justifiable at all:

You don’t need it. Buying something because it seems like good deal—but is something you would otherwise not even consider purchasing—is no deal at all. Sometimes this involves saying no to a high-pressure salesperson.

You get what you pay for, which often means “cheap.”Some things may be a good price, but their inferior quality means they will not last. Think back to something you were excited to get as a child, only to be disappointed when it broke. It’s often a better deal to spend a bit more for quality.

You didn’t budget for it. Financial advisors like Dave Ramsey are sticklers about making a written budget and sticking to it. While I’m not so fanatic (perhaps I should be), I think there is wisdom in it. The idea in making a budget is that you set priorities. Rationally telling your money where to go each month is safer than giving in to situational temptation when walking past a store item or finding a deal online. The power of budgeting is that you spend your money on paper before you’re exposed to the emotions of a deal that just presented itself.

You put it on a credit card or you cause your checking account to be overdrawn because you don’t have the money. Paying 10 or 20% interest or getting slapped with an overdrawn fee can easily eat up whatever savings you think you got on an item. A good principle is to live on last month’s income. When you put things on credit, you’re spending next month (or next year’s) income. While we rejoice in our perceived savings on a bargain, we too easily dismiss the interest we’re paying. Only use a credit card if you can afford the item and will pay off the bill when it’s due.

You buy on impulse.The retail business knows you better than you know yourself. They know they can get you into a store or to a site with the offer of a “deal you can’t pass up.” However, once there, you find lots of other enticing products or services. Grocery stores know this too well, which is why they put candy bars and magazines by the checkout counter. If you see something you think you need at a killer price, sleep on it.

You believe the deal will be gone. This is perhaps the most enticing temptation of all. The deal is for a limited time, and if you don’t get it now, you’ll never get such a deal again. This is rarely true. But we are emotional beings and start to believe we must get something now or we will have lost out. We rarely lose out by waiting.

You deserve a break today.That was not only a McDonald’s ad campaign, it’s something we all battle with. We work hard. We’re stressed. We deserve that thing. Sometimes it is good to reward yourself. But buying things you can’t afford is not giving yourself a break; it’s often mortgaging your future.

You don’t think about the long-term cost. For example, you could spend $5,000 on new furniture. Assuming you didn’t put it on credit, you think it cost you $5,000 (plus tax). However, if you were to invest that same $5,000 into a good-growth, diversified money market account averaging 10% interest for 30 years, your $5,000 initial investment (with nothing more added) would grow to $87,247.14! So even if the furniture was originally $10,000 and you got it for $5,000 (saving $5,000 at the time), you could have MADE more than $80,000 by investing that same money and sitting your bum on the old couch. These kinds of calculations give me a little perspective; they cause me to think long-term. (Click here for an investing calculator to see what your money could do.)

You seem to get something for nothing.That is likely the most sinister allure of all. You get something free for signing up, some sort of introductory offer, or you get the promise of rewards down the line. These could include points (vacation, credit card, etc.), status (airline frequent flyer benefits), or other things. Think about what that free dinner or initial discount will cost in the long run if you end up spending money you don’t have for stuff you don’t need. Retailers know they have the advantage, and they usually win. Most rewards programs are actually very difficult to cash in.

Most of us want good deals that will stretch our money. But consider if the bargain you are pondering is really a bargain at all.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/25/when-a-bargain-isnt-a-bargain/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/25/when-a-bargain-isnt-a-bargain/Personal SWOThttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/G5yIn7eBwsc/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/25/personal-swot/#respondTue, 25 Jul 2017 11:52:38 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2149SWOT is an acronym for an assessment often used in teams; it stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.

But a SWOT analysis is not just a business tool. It can be a use personal exercise to help you land a job!

In preparing for a career move, my colleague and friend, MJ, put me through a mock interview. Suddenly all the great communication skills I know and teach went flying out the window; I was a rambling disaster!

She assigned me the homework of doing a personal SWOT analysis.

Like many people, I am uncomfortable describing or selling myself. But the job interview is a situation when you must do both of these! You only have a few minutes to tell about yourself in ways your cover letter or resume cannot.

I found the exercise of doing a SWOT analysis extremely helpful.

The first two are internal components:

Strengths

According to Forbes.com, you must picture yourself as a product in the marketplace. This is your opportunity to differentiate yourself from all the other applicants.

I think you have to get past the idea that you’re being arrogant if you detail your strengths. These are some ideas that might get you started.

Use personality profiles you’ve taken. I relied on the results of my Strengths Finder results, a book, test and philosophy that identifies 34 top most common talents. (Buy the book, read it, and use the code at the back to take the test online. The results will uncover your top five strengths so you focus on them to build a successful life and career.) Mine include the ability to woo (win others over) and great communication skills.

Ask others. Because I’m a college teacher, I asked my students. They said I know how to engage them and make the classroom fun.

Brainstorm. I took some time to be quiet and consider the unique experiences I bring to any situation. I listed how multi-cultural I am because of my family and extensive travels, as well as my adaptability in diverse situations.

Weaknesses

These are your personal liabilities and areas for growth. They also include things you know you’re not especially good at (that may be relevant to the job). You have to be able to articulate your weaknesses in ways that sound positive in that all-important interview.

I listed some weaknesses, then worded them so they sounded positive instead of negative. For example, I see a lot of possibilities, so I have a tendency to overextend myself. I’m not so good with details. So I added that I tend to be so big-picture, that I sometimes overlook details.

The second two are external components:

Opportunities are practical things you can do to improve yourself. And threats are circumstances and constraints that may hold you back. Lisa Quast of Forbes.com, said she found it helpful to list her threats first, then turn them into opportunities. For example, a fear of public speaking could become a motivation to take a public speaking course.

In the Opportunities section, I listed things like increasing my retirement savings and the unique opportunities I have in this season in my life (that weren’t there before).

In the Threatssection, I listed circumstances that intimidate me, like resource limitations and uncertainties about the future.

The bottom line is this. When you interview for your next career move, recruiters are GOING to ask you questions for which you HAVE to have answers:

What are some of your strengths?

What are some of your weaknesses?

Why should we hire you?

I found the SWOT analysis an excellent tool to ensure that I was prepared for that all-important interview and prepare me for tough questions I may be asked.

You cannot over prepare for that position you really want.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/25/personal-swot/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/25/personal-swot/The Healing Power of Meditationhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/BWS9mrsNyaI/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/16/the-healing-power-of-meditation/#respondMon, 17 Jul 2017 03:04:07 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2846When religion is not about healing, it really does not have much to offer people in this life. Many have called such disembodied theology “carrot on the stick” theology or, as my friend Brian McLaren says, we made the Gospel largely into “an evacuation plan for heaven.” [1] If we don’t understand the need and desire for healing now, then salvation (salus = healing) becomes a matter of hoping for some form of delayed gratification. We desperately need healing for groups, institutions, marriage, the wounds of war, abuse, race relations, and the endless social problems in which we are drowning today. But we won’t know how to heal if we never learn the skills at ground zero: the individual human heart.

For much of its history following 313 AD, the Christian church’s job or concern was not healing, but rather maintaining social and church order: doling out graces and indulgences (as if that were possible); granting dispensations, annulments, absolutions, and penalties; keeping people in first marriages at all costs, instead of seeing marriage as an arena for growth, forgiveness, and transformation. In general, we tried to resolve issues of the soul and the Spirit by juridical and “transactional” means, which in my opinion seldom work.

As priests, we felt our job was to absolve sin rather than actually transform people. “Get rid of the contaminating element,” as it were, rather than “Learn what you can about yourself and God because of this conflict.” Those are two very different paths. In the four Gospels, Jesus did two things over and over again: he preached and he healed. We have done a lot of preaching, but not too much healing. We did not know how.

If there isn’t much of a relationship between our religion and our politics, I think it’s because we are not involved in healing ourselves. How can we understand the healing of the world? Only whole people can imagine or call forth a more whole world. Healing depends upon relating with love and compassion. Religion usually focuses on imputing and then forgiving guilt. This is much more about “sin management” than it is about proclaiming a larger-than-life vision for humanity. Remember that the ego contracts around problems. The soul gathers and is drawn by meaning. We too often settle for problem solving. It really is the best way to keep the laity coming back, strangely enough. Carrot on the stick theology keeps us clergy in business. I wish it did not work so well.

Christianity must first teach people how to really pray so they can relate to God as adults. This creates spiritual inter-dependence instead of infantile codependency which people eventually react against. I say this coming from a church that put most of its resources into training children in rote prayers. We can do so much better.

Shared with general permission from Richard Rohr at Center for Action and Contemplation. Sign up for Rohr’s daily devotionals from: https://cac.org/sign-up/

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/16/the-healing-power-of-meditation/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/16/the-healing-power-of-meditation/051: Getting Past Us and Themhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/L2qkL1LIk7o/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/16/051-getting-past-us-and-them/#respondSun, 16 Jul 2017 18:30:12 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2844A candid conversation with Max Hatfield who has dedicated his life internationally in service to others. He and his wife Karen lead the nonprofit, Friendship International working to empower women and refugees in Turkey.

We explore the age-old, yet ever-present tendency for humans to judge, blame and scapegoat each other instead of living in peace, justice & harmony.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/16/051-getting-past-us-and-them/feed/0A candid conversation with Max Hatfield who has dedicated his life internationally in service to others. He and his wife Karen lead the nonprofit, Friendship International working to empower women...A candid conversation with Max Hatfield who has dedicated his life internationally in service to others. He and his wife Karen lead the nonprofit, Friendship International working to empower women...Get Control of Your Life54:00http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/16/051-getting-past-us-and-them/Pain Lessonshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/7Lbvz9yDCLE/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/13/pain-lessons/#respondThu, 13 Jul 2017 23:59:15 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2345You can’t always get what you want.

So said the great musical poet, Mick Jagger in the Rolling Stones classic song.

How do you respond when you don’t get what you want?

How do you respond to obstacles, or what best-selling author, Seth Godin, called “the dip?”* When you hit a roadblock (which could be an illness or any tough situation), you have choices. Do you ignore the problem, go around it, push through it, surrender to it?

These past few weeks, I’ve had a health issue that has seriously cramped my style. And by style, I mean it has made it impossible for me to get much done.

I am a doer and tend to judge the success of my day by how much I accomplish.

At the beginning of the summer, I made a long list of tasks I wanted to accomplish during the warm weather and while I was less occupied with teaching. But time got away, and I’m not sure where the summer went. As a result, as the summer started to wind down, there were extra expectations I put on myself for one last push before school starts.

And then I got a foot infection. Well that’s what I thought I had when I first published this article in 2015. It turned out to be a broken foot, which I walked on for six weeks until it was accurately diagnosed. Then I walked in a boot for another seven weeks.

Not only did it swell up, hurt and make me limp around. It also made me incredibly tired, and feeling like I had the flu. It’s been a real drag—for what seems like a long time.

Then this year I had back surgery. I was again facing a summer when I had so much to accomplish. As the summer winds down, my to-do list is still very long.

In both instances, I realized I could choose my response.

I could do the usual and stress about what I hadn’t accomplished. I could get angry at the physical limitations. There were various emotional states and thoughts I could engage in.

However, through this, I found myself mostly able to let expectations go and do what I could from my chair.

After hearing the Rolling Stones song again this week, I looked up the words:

You can’t always get what you want.

You can’t always get what you want.

You can’t always get what you want.

But if you try sometimes

Well, you just might find

You get what you need

What did I need? Well I suppose I needed to slow down; I do have a tendency to overdo it. I guess I also needed to let others help me. Maybe you can relate.

Suddenly my friends volunteered to give help I needed. An out-of-town guest helped clean my house. Friends offered to buy groceries. And a neighbor even offered to mow my grass!

I hope I passed the test of these challenges and am becoming a better person for it. And I’m grateful that others stepped in to help with what I needed.

You can’t always get what you want.

But if you try sometimes

Well, you just might find

You get what you need

*See the article, I Quit, where I wrote about Seth Godin’s little book, The Dip.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/13/pain-lessons/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/13/pain-lessons/Love is Godhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/QAfvAJQAD_Y/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/06/love-is-god/#respondThu, 06 Jul 2017 19:02:35 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2826You have heard it said…”God is Love”. If this is an equal equation, what would happen if we turned it around and said Love is God. Now both Love and God are pretty hard to define but for some people, the label of ‘God’ has become mixed up with a lot of personal and social history, mixed with religious overtones and rules that they’ve rejected, and mixed up with concepts of a God that they just can’t live with. So when we start the sentence with ‘God’, we’re already off on the wrong foot.

On the other hand, while it may be difficult for us to come up with an empirical definition for “Love” most of us have some concept of love that is positive and have had some experience where love has been a positive influence in their lives. Words that may be associated with love could include compassion, grace, forgiveness, selflessness, empathy, sacrifice and time. So maybe we can start with “Love”.

For example, I may be tempted to judge a situation or someone’s choices by whether I think God would approve of it, usually based on some rule that I attribute to God. But if I start with Love, I might judge it based on whether there is love involved. Is it a choice that exhibits love for that person or for others? What I may find is that I don’t actually have the requisite knowledge about the situation or the people involved to be able to judge! Or while I’m uncertain about the situation as a whole, I can see where love has entered into that situation and can affirm that love.

One of the big questions that people struggle with about God concerns God’s involvement in our lives particularly when ‘bad things happen to good people.’ If God is love and an accident claims the life of someone we love, we may ask “If God is so loving, where was God when this happened?”

We do live in a world where bad things happen. If we’re looking for a God who will save us from all pain in life, I’m afraid we will be sadly disappointed. But if our question starts with love we may begin to see a different picture. Where was Love when this happened? Where did we see compassion extended to those involved, where did we see caring hands reach out to the broken, where did we see people going out of their way to provide for those in grief? Often when tragedy strikes, along with the tales of horror, there will be the side-bar stories of those who stepped in, those who selflessly risked their own lives on behalf of others. There is a lot of love to be found.

So now instead of asking ‘where is God’ I will be asking ‘where is Love’ and in those places where love is seen, experienced, extended – there, I believe, is God.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/06/love-is-god/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/06/love-is-god/Packing for Vacationhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/cshc-Ob-_Co/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/05/packing-for-vacation/#respondWed, 05 Jul 2017 07:32:48 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=724It’s summer in the northern hemisphere and time for many people to go on vacation. If you are a workaholic who feels guilty for taking time off, get over it. Learn from your European cousins who typically take 4-6 weeks off every year.

It’s good to throw guilt to the wind and embrace the fact that you are a human who needs rest and realizes there is more to life than working. In trying to bring balance into every aspect of my life, it’s good to take some serious time off.

Holidays and vacations off are necessary for our mental and physical health. They are good for the soul. They are good for the body. They are good for relationships.

I live in the U.S. but have been to more than 60 countries. International travel always involves work, so vacations for me ar more likely to be closer to home. Car trips are as great as those by air. Keys are making the effort and doing what you can afford.

So here is some advice from my years of travel. Doing a search, I realize there are multiple web sites that offer advice on planning and packing.; so I will include some links at the end of the article.

Here are packing tips I’ve learned:

Earplugs – Probably the most important item you can pack. Get good ones like Mac’s silicone ear plugs (available from Target and drug stores). They block out sounds like jet engines, hotel air conditioners, roosters, people who snore, street noise, and other people’s music, as well water when you swim. I never leave home without them! Eye shades are a good companion.

Plastic bags – Put your shoes in grocery store bags and take extra ones for dirty clothes. Use various sizes of Ziplock bags to organize your misc. stuff. That way your things are not only organized but also protected from potential hazards. If your bags are opened for security checks, items are less likely to fall out and get lost. And if your luggage is damaged, you’re less likely to lose stuff. Trust me, twice I’ve gone to a luggage carousel to find my bag ripped open and stuff falling out and missing! Pack anything that can leak (like liquids) in plastic bags to avoid a mess.

Snacks – You may think you will have time to eat between flights, but there are delays and sometimes you can go for many hours with no opportunity to buy food. Airlines not longer provide meals in the U.S., even on some long flights (like to Hawaii), so be prepared. Some good options with protein are string cheese, nuts, and power bars. Snacks help cure the boredom of road trips and keep you from stopping so often.

Water bottle – With all the extreme airline security requirements, you are not allowed to being your own liquids. However, you can take an empty water bottle and fill it from a water fountain inside the airport. It’s certainly cheaper than buying drinks at the airport.

Hangers – There are never enough hangers where you’re going; at least not where I go. I have some inflatable hangers I bought in Europe, though wire hangers from the dry cleaner are another option.

Power strip – This is especially important for international travel where there are often not enough plugs in a room. I have a small power strip from India with a European plug on the end that will take any kind of electronic plug. For international travel, you also need plug adapters, though not power adapters, as almost all electronics are now dual voltage (110/220). That said, a 110/220v hairdryer is a good investment; Conair makes an inexpensive one. You can usually pick up a plug adapter locally.

Carry-on bag – If you can pack everything you need in a carry-on bag, you will avoid paying pesky checked baggage fees. I used to take everything but the kitchen sink on trips, but have learned to travel much lighter. So if I can do it, you can! Also, if you are going to be moving about at all, you will appreciate having much less to lug around. Check with your airline for baggage requirements and fees.

Travel-size containers – I’m always amazed to see people hauling around regular sizes of products like shampoo. Make the initial investment to buy small containers, then reuse them on future trips.

Pillow – Travel by car will usually allow you to take your regular favorite pillow. For plane travel, take an inflatable pillow, neck pillow or memory foam. If you want to sleep either on the journey or at your destination, having your own pillow can make a huge difference. While I normally prefer an isle seat, I often get a window seat on overnight flights. Then I use my pillow (and sometimes my own blanket) to lean against the wall to sleep.

Slippers – Hard bottom moccasin-style slippers are perfect for hotel stays. If you’ve ever seen a news story about how disgusting germ-filled hotel rooms are, you will appreciate not having to walk around in your bare feet. Hard bottom slippers that cover your ankles are great for long plane rides to keep you warm and keep you comfortable when your ankles swell. Flip flops are also great, and very useful in public showers, pools, and saunas.

TSA approved locks – If you fly, take a bus or are otherwise around a lot of people, you will want to protect the contents of your luggage. TSA locks (with a little red and white diamond symbol) will allow security officials to open your luggage without breaking off the locks and ruining your bag.

Decongestants – If your ears and sinuses are clogged from a cold or allergies, you can easily blow an eardrum while flying. Trust me, I know the excruciating pain with ears that won’t pop on a descending plane.

More travel tips:

Wear shoes that are easy to get on and off for going through airport security. This makes it much easier to deal with the stress of the situation and get you through quicker.

Forget about using traveler’s checks. They are hardly ever used anymore, especially outside the U.S. Instead, travel with a debit card, credit card and/or cash.

Make a copy of your passport and itinerary and store them separately from your actual documents. In your documents are then lost or stolen, you have the basic information to expedite replacements and allow you to continue your trip.

Be aware of taking certain products across borders. I was stopped by a cute little agricultural inspector beagle who busted me for an uneaten apple I forgot I had on a return trip from South America. Likewise, I saw another traveler’s mixed nuts confiscated on the other end, though they didn’t take mine.

Research rules for various airports and countries. For example, while US airports allow you one carry-on plus a personal item like a purse or computer bag, London airports allow you to carry on only one piece total.

If you have kids, take snacks and toys to keep them occupied. I don’t have kids, but I have certainly traveled with them! There is nothing worse than an 8-hour flight with a screaming toddler and parents who came unprepared.

Royalty-free image created by Kolobkek and downloaded from stock.xchng.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/05/packing-for-vacation/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/05/packing-for-vacation/Independencehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/jY6SuZ9JDUA/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/04/independence/#respondTue, 04 Jul 2017 15:54:29 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2677As The United States celebrates its Independence Day, I thought it fitting to consider various forms of dependency.

Dependence is defined as the state of needing something or someone else.

Like it or not, we are dependent on each other for all kinds of things. We need acceptance, love and affection from others because we are social beings. A newborn child left alone without touch will die. We are dependent on each other to follow socially accepted behavior like stopping at red lights and contributing to common things like roads and schools.

In relationships, we are dependent on each other to be there to share the workload, make a meaningful contribution and live up to our commitments. Healthy dependence is a really, really positive thing.

Independence is freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

When the 13 American colonies were no longer satisfied with British rule (and taxation without representation), they sought a divorce. It’s not unlike the recent decision by Britain to pull out of the European Union to preserve its sovereignty.

It’s not unlike states in human development. Two that come to mind are the terrible twos.

I think the twos are called terrible because children seek independence from their parents and other caretakers because they are coming into their own. They are clumsy and awkward, but they are determined to get around! Unfortunately, they don’t yet recognize the limits of social and character boundaries, so tend to severely test those around them.

The other significant stage of finding independence IS, of course, during the teenage years. Children are transitioning to adulthood with changing bodies, increased responsibilities and fewer apron strings. Yet their raging hormones and lack of fully developed prefrontal cortexes (decision-making that fully grasps consequences) make them a real pain in the ass to deal with.

But there are other times in our lives when we need to consider independence. These might be escaping from a dead-end job or life-draining marriage (or any relationship).

Another is being “people” instead of “sheeple.” Doing things because everyone else does them or just to be accepted does not exhibit healthy independence. It’s better to learn to think critically than to be engaged in too much “groupthink.”

Codependence is a relationship in which one person is overly reliant on another person or thing.It could be a physical addiction, as to alcohol or gambling, or a psychological addiction to other person. Both are pretty destructive. It is worth exploring the dynamics of codependence and reaching out for help. You don’t realize how paralyzing codependence is until you escape it!

Interdependence is the relationship between two or more living things or systems where each one benefits from the other.

So it is in relationships. In the West, we tend to overemphasize our independence, so need to be reminded how much we are truly connected.

We mirror each other, synchronize our movements, and communicate in ways we’re not even aware of. (Watch the film, I Am where it’s shown how even the bacteria in yogurt is affected by human emotion).

As you reflect on Independence Day, political troubles in the world, and your own relationships, consider the work of dependence, independence, codependence and interdependence in your life and vow to be healthy in each.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/04/independence/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/04/independence/Holidayshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/cQ0RoeFneBs/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/04/holidays/#commentsTue, 04 Jul 2017 15:10:57 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=736A holiday is a special day set apart to celebrate something. Originally from the words, Holy Day, holidays have their roots in religious celebrations. Today we celebrate holidays that mark national and political days, birthdays, seasons, and remembrances as well as religious traditions.

July 4th is a holiday in the United States, a day to remember the declaration of independence from England. It is celebrated with particular foods that usually include backyard grilling, camping, concerts and fireworks. Mostly it involves being with friends and family.

Hindus celebrate Holi, a spring festival associated with Krishna where people throw colored talc on each other.

Muslims celebrate Ramadan, a month of fasting during the day and feasting at night.

Jews commemorate Passover and remember the time when God delivered them from Egypt.

Christians mark Christmas and Easter, seasons associated with the arrival and sacrifice of Jesus the Christ.

These holidays make us pause to remember and reflect on important things, connect us to God, and restore our souls.

We need holidays. We need to remember. Sometimes we need special days to make us cease from our labors and spend time with people. We need holidays to stop and smell the roses.

The English talk about “going on holiday,” what Americans would call “going on vacation.” Whatever you call them, we need them.

Sundays are holidays we get to celebrate every week!

I came to the realization a few years ago that Sundays are a gift. As much as I’d like to believe it, I do not have endless energy. I need days off. I need days to do nothing. If I choose to work on Sundays and other holidays, I am looking a gift horse in the mouth; I’m just being stupid.

I have a new philosophy about Sundays. I only do things that give me life. I sleep in, spend time in reading and meditation, go for walks in the mountains, watch uplifting documentaries or movies, and go to Pilates (exercise) class. It’s a day when “have-to’s” are ignored and put on hold.

How are you about enjoying your holidays? Are you a workaholic that thinks you don’t need them? Newsflash: You are human just like the rest of us, and you need a break!

Make a pact with yourself to slow down and smell the roses. Spend time with loved ones. Recharge your batteries. Restore your soul.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/04/holidays/feed/1http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/04/holidays/Mid-year Checkuphttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/Th4ink0jr5w/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/03/mid-year-checkup/#respondMon, 03 Jul 2017 19:43:35 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2270As we begin the second half of the year, it’s a good time to do a quick self-assessment.

Perhaps you wrote down some desires or goals, or wrote thought thoughts and aspirations in a journal.

A few years ago I did a year-long life coaching program. Part of this included being coached myself. Kicking off the process was writing down some desires and expectations I was to work on, with 4 guiding questions:

What are the one or two things that are on life’s agenda right now?

If I could change one thing in my life right now what would it be?

What are the obstacles that are holding me back from reaching my potential in this season of life?

When I think ahead to 3 years from now, how do I want my life to be different?

I can’t tell you how encouraged I was to go back and see that I have either realized what I expressed or have made significant progress on each item. The things that seemed quite fuzzy a few years ago are no longer fuzzy, and I have made significant life changes to live a healthier life.

How are you doing on the goals you set for yourself this year?

If you’ve made progress on any, congratulate yourself and tell someone! If you still have work to do, remember that you still have half of the year left! Renew your commitment.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/03/mid-year-checkup/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/03/mid-year-checkup/Are You a Busyologist?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/LHz5CBWLOHI/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/02/busyologist/#respondSun, 02 Jul 2017 08:09:01 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1276We are chronically busy. We are often tired.

I choose to be active and tend to over-extend myself. But as I get older, I also give myself permission to take breaks from busyness to rest, restore my soul, and be with friends. That is exactly what I’m going to do next week when my college courses are on spring break.

My friend and colleague Amy Roemer sent me this short article that is timely for me. I hope it is timely for you also.

Just as I turned off the TV the other night I heard someone introduced as a “busyologist.” What? I listened a moment more and realized he was a physiologist. Still, it caught my imagination.

So many of us can be described as busyologists.

We do things just to stay busy. We over-commit because we’re afraid of having nothing to do (or for whatever reasons). If we happen to find a free moment, we fill it with Facebook or Pinterest or Angry Birds, or simply searching the web for anything we can think of.

I think we take pride in telling others how busy we are. We are busyologists.

No one seems to care what you do, as long as you’re busy.

“Hi! Haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”

“Busy.”

“Wow! I’m impressed.”

Sounds silly when I put it into print, doesn’t it? Yet it’s so hard to get off the merry-go-round. If I take the time to sit and read for pleasure, I feel like I have to apologize for it. But no, I’m going to say it proudly, “I read a book today, just because I wanted to!” Are you impressed?

You know what? It feels good to relax. It energizes you when you slow down and rest. You will be healthier if you go take a walk. Your relationships can be strengthened when you make a day “screen free.” Why not spend 15 fewer minutes on Facebook and 15 more talking to your neighbor?

The busyness can wait.

And while you’re at it, think about why you’re always so busy. Are you simply filling up time? Uncertain what you’ll do if you find yourself? Scared you’ll fall asleep if you relax? Maybe you need to.

Go ahead, slow down. Stop trying to impress people with how busy you are, and find time to live life.

Royalty-free image shot by Ryan Smart and retrieved from http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1152283

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/02/busyologist/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/02/busyologist/Identity & Cultural Bridgeshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/064TFuZNkF8/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/07/01/identy-cultural-bridges/#respondSat, 01 Jul 2017 17:22:30 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2275Dr. MelindaJoy Mingo was a guest on the Get Control Of Your Life podcast. It’s #25 on the topic of identity. (Click here if you missed it!) We recorded the podcast around a time that I asked MJ a dreaded question, one that is a ‘bit tiring’ to women of color. After being taken aback and laughing, she had a gracious response. Then she wrote this article:

My friend Deb asked me the ultimate question that most Black women will understand…”Is that your real hair?” My unspoken thought was “Here we go again with the ‘hair thing’ and did she just reach over and touch my hair without asking for my permission!’ Now I must tell you that Deb and I have been friends for years but…,the ‘hair question’ – well, it touched a nerve.

Yes, the proverbial question about Black hair. While it is a bit funny that a simple question can ignite such intense emotions, I learned a lot about myself from my response, and what God was teaching me. (not Deb)

I was polite after I swallowed hard and said “Girl, if I was going to wear extensions, weaves, braids, wigs, clip ons, snap ons, sew ons, etc., it would look better than this mess! This IS my hair.”

My friend looked at me with all the sincerity and innocence of a little lamb and said, “Should I not have asked you that question?”

As I think back over my intense response, I realize that it wasn’t really the question of hair. If I am honest, it is a deeper issue of my journey in the area of embracing my identity and coming to a place of valuing who I really am – not the perception that I want people to have about me.

Okay, so here are my humble reflections about that brief dialogue between my wonderful friend and myself:

It’s really not so much the issue of hair as it is that I just wonder why some of my white and black acquaintances think Black women really do not have “hair” and that any type of hair that looks pretty decent must be a weave, wig, etc., especially if it is long hair. I can’t express the hundreds of times people have asked ‘Is that your hair?’ And no I don’t think that I have beautiful hair.

Within our own Black culture, there has always been so much discussion about a woman’s identity based on her hair. Some of the comments such as ”She has good hair—meaning it is not curly kinky, but pretty straight.’ or ‘she must be mixed because her hair is really pretty’.

Throughout the decades, Black women were not allowed to wear certain hair styles such as braids, twists, or Bantu Knots if tthey were in a highly visible profession such as a TV anchorwoman, a flight attendant, and the list goes on. Some women were actually asked to change their hairstyles to assimilate into the dominant culture which would mean straighter sleek looking styles.

Now that people like the new “Afrocentric” hairstyles (more natural), and they have become more accepted in society, Black women who still relax or perm their hair are said to like “creamy crack” which is a name assigned to harsh chemicals necessary to straighten their hair. It has been such a discussion within our own Black community that there have been documentaries made about our hair such as “Good Hair” by Chris Rock which is highly entertaining and all so true. But I have come to understand the historical perspective associated with Black women having to cover their heads during the slavery era or were made fun of in the earlier movies which portrayed Black women as nannies and maids only. While I respect all of that, I can wear my hair as I please so what’s the real issue for me?

The REAL issue is that in the past I have not had much value for myself and I allowed wounded feelings and hurts to be masked over and not deal with the real internal issues.

Why is my identity so tied to what anyone thinks about my hair: anyway be it kinky, curly, flat ironed, pressed on the stove, natural, etc.?Well, my friends, I think it’s because I had an opportunity years ago to get an amazing executive national position with a firm that I loved and was one of two top candidates out of 500. During the final interview I was told that clients would not relate to me because I did not have blond hair and blue eyes and my hair was too natural and a bit puffy. I know it sounds crazy and I changed the color of my hair to blonde and bought some green contacts and still didn’t get the job. So immature of me right?

As foolish as it may sound, I learned we have to move past ignorance and internal wounding to be who we really and not live in the past even if we experience similar situations in our present.

I also realize that I don’t need to get angry with or hurt people with my words or actions who don’t know about my personal journeys. Nothing in my past life has anything to do with my friend Deb asking me a simple question, and actually giving me a great compliment about my hair at the same time.

My friend and I had a great fun conversation about the hair thing and then we watched a movie, ate popcorn, laughed, and just hung out as friends.

I have a few takeaways about allowing myself to be a cultural learning bridge for others:

Some people are afraid to ask “sensitive” cultural questions because they don’t want to be offensive. We have to realize that sometimes people just want to know an answer to something and won’t learn proactive ways to interact with diverse cultures if they don’t have friends who are willing to be “learning bridges.”

I am willing to allow my friends to make a “mistake” while also learning from me, and learning about myself in the process.

If something is disrespectful to a person from another culture—and I don’t have to understand why—I will respect what they have told me and appreciate the diversity of thought and differences. I will allow myself to become a cultural detective and open my heart to being ‘discomforted’ to come out of my comfort zone while being respectful.

A person’s past wounds and hurts from someone in a particular culture should not impede them from relating to someone else from the same culture. Every person is unique and no one person can represent an entire race or ethnic group. A poor person cannot speak on the behalf of every poor person in the world.

Lastly, in my opinion, God has made all people beautiful—inside and out, and in many different ways—whether deaf or blind, white or black, Asian or Hispanic, no hair, kinky hair, straight hair, etc. rich or poor… I want to learn how to appreciate all people and remind them of their value, worth, and dignity.

Augustine said, “Truth is truth, no matter where you find it.” Well I thought he said it, but now I can’t find it.

Nobody has a corner on the truth. We think we do, which is why we are so often willing to die for it.

The problem with thinking we alone have the truth is that it can’t possibly be true. We all have limited perspective and experience. We can’t possibly know everything. This is humility.

As a Christ-follower, I believe truth is found in nature, in the bible, in people and in my conscience. I also think it’s found in paintings, great music, and pithy statements by people of insight. It’s found in pain, experience and wisdom.

God likely speaks to you in many ways. Or maybe you don’t think there is a God or gods or anything bigger than you. Maybe you don’t even believe in truth. But I think you resonate with things that ring true, like justice, well-fed kids, spring flowers, stunning sunsets and freshly fallen snow.

English author Algernon Blackwood (who died in 1951) wrote, “Let each philosophy, each world-view bring forth its truth and beauty to a larger perspective, that people may grow in vision, stature and dedication.”

A guy named John once quoted Jesus as saying, “Know the truth and it will set you free. “ – (John 8:32)

Look for it and you will find it. Yet know you will only see glimpses of it. Truth is truth, no matter where you find it, and it’s often found in unlikely places.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/27/top-10-10-truth-is-truth-no-matter-where-you-find-it/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/27/top-10-10-truth-is-truth-no-matter-where-you-find-it/Top 10-#9 People Are Irreplaceablehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/wEPr_zNY31g/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/23/top-10-9-people-are-irreplaceable/#respondFri, 23 Jun 2017 15:55:50 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1040When you enter or leave a room, the room is different. That’s because you bring things no one else can bring.

You bring the totality of who you are to every situation: your history, personality, gifts, passions, spirit–everything!

You communicate you, and you do it all the time.

In our business world of hiring and firing, one can get the impression that just any body will do. But’s it’s just not true.

When you fill a position, you fill it like no other. And when you leave, your position really goes with you. Nobody will ever do the job like you do it.

There may be close to 7 billion people in the world. But each one is incredibly valuable and unique.

No one will ever take your place.

You bring something to the world that no one else brings.

That’s why figuring out who you are and what you bring are so important.

If you don’t bring who you are and give the gifts only you can give, the world will miss out.

That’s because you are irreplaceable.

The photo is of my dad, Marv Buenting, known to his grandchildren as, “Boggie.”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/23/top-10-9-people-are-irreplaceable/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/23/top-10-9-people-are-irreplaceable/Top 10-#8 I Matterhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/NNGtw7glXmY/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/20/top-10-8-i-matter/#respondTue, 20 Jun 2017 09:01:12 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1028According to astronomers, our galaxy—the Milky Way—contains up to 400 billion stars. You could fit a million of our earths in our sun; yet our sun is tiny compared to Eta Carinae, an enormous star that is a million times brighter than our sun.

We are still finding planets and stars and galaxies. We are not even a spec on a spec on a spec compared to the enormity of the universe.

So how could God manage the universe and still care about me?

I am finite. Not only do I have a measurable beginning (birth) and end (death), I am very limited in my abilities.

I have a finite capacity to multi-task, am terrible with details, forget stuff on a regular basis, and sometimes make bad decisions. I am only so smart; I will never be a brain surgeon or even a famous drummer.

We often assign value to things that are rare. Gold and diamonds are considered rare (perception is everything), so they are expensive.

People with unique abilities are looked up to because they are rare. Billionaires are a small minority. Twinkie snack cakes rose in value when it looked like they were going away.

However, people are not rare. You only have to visit India or a big city to realize this. We are somewhere around 7 billion on the planet now. Wow, not rare.

So how much value do I as an individual actually have? I’m not rare and I’m really, really tiny in the grand scheme of things.

Imagine getting the most famous brains from history in one room: Einstein, Tesla, Jesus, Da Vinci, Polgar, Jobs, Neuton, and a few dozen others. Think of the brainpower you would have. Yet they would be limited.

Imagine a being that does not have limitations; someone with unlimited intelligence, wisdom, resources, attention, creativity, and patience; someone with the ability to know all, be everywhere all the time, and never run out of energy.

I think there is massive evidence that God is like that.

So when I ponder how a God who manages the universe can care about little ole me, I am reminded that I’m also thinking about someone with unlimited intelligence and abilities, and who has also proven to be kind, generous and likened more to a lover than a monster.

Then I get it.

It’s not about size or rarity. It’s about love and limitlessness.

You are incredibly valuable. God knows the number of the hairs on your head, what your cells are doing, how you’re choosing to live your life, what your pains and challenges are, and what contribution to the universe only you can give.

iMatter.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/20/top-10-8-i-matter/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/20/top-10-8-i-matter/Top 10-#7 God Is Not A Monsterhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/IlE9EMxO6ws/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/06/top-10-7-god-is-not-a-monster/#respondTue, 06 Jun 2017 06:41:43 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1023God has been misrepresented to many of us. As children we may have received a picture of God that is vengeful, boring, uncompromising, angry, arbitrary and narcissistic.

As adults we were told clichés like, “God is trying to teach you something,” “When God closes a door, He opens a window,” and “You can trust God because he knows what’s going to happen anyway.”

The problem is, these simplistic explanations for why stuff happens paint a picture that is limited at best and inaccurate at worst.

God is often likened to either Frankenstein or Santa Clause.

Frankenstein is out to get you. Santa Clause gives you everything you want.

I don’t think God is either.

What is your concept of God? Is it due for a makeover? Have you lost hope that God is knowable, touchable, relatable, and a best friend? Do you think God sits above with a really big stick ready to whack you every time you screw up?

I often hear that people like Christ; they just don’t like Christians.I understand that sentiment.

I get it that the old testament of the bible is violent; it hits me every time I read it.

But as a communication scholar, I know there are pieces of the puzzle and context that have been lost on us thousands of years later. There is some great stuff there, but we don’t have the full picture.

Despite my limitations to understand, I also see an image of God that is kind, patient, longsuffering, humble, persuadable, and more like a lover than a monster. Those passages are also there.

Jesus is often looked up to as a model person. Even religions and philosophies that don’t consider him divine like him and think his teachings are beneficial to humankind.

I like what Pastor Greg Boyd says: Look at Jesus and you understand what God is like.

Jesus hung out with prostitutes and government employees. It was the religious leaders who burdened people with rules that he had a problem with. He sat with little children and went out of his way to meet people where they were. He washed feet. He gave his life.

If you think God the Father is chronically pissed off and Jesus is the nice guy, you likely have a distorted picture.

I would also add that if you think God is male, you have an inaccurate picture. I love how my new church prays, “Our Mother, our Father…”

There are many voices out there that are rethinking the paradigm. Many find the old pictures, ideas, and practices don’t work for them anymore.

This is permission to pursue God on different terms.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/06/top-10-7-god-is-not-a-monster/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/06/06/top-10-7-god-is-not-a-monster/Top 10-#6 The World is Complexhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/NadW5cBcChI/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/30/top-10-6-the-world-is-complex/#respondTue, 30 May 2017 15:57:38 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1000Icebergs are beautiful. They can also be deadly (think Titanic). The thing about icebergs is that you only see a very small portion of the whole thing.

Things happen and we try to understand. It’s human nature to try to fit life into our mental schemata; it’s how our brains are wired. We categorize things based on our personality and previous experiences. When things don’t fit, we assign explanations.

We often assign false reasons (and reasoning) because the world is too complex for us to grasp. There is no way we can understand everything.

We say things like, “what a coincidence,” “the devil made me do it,” “it’s their fault,” and “God is punishing me.” We also say silly things like, “everything happens for a reason,” as if some force beyond free-will is driving the universe.

I once heard an analogy that not only do we not see the tip of the iceberg, but we don’t even see the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Of course that is a metaphor for the complexity of life.

There is a theory that to understand why any two cars pass on a road at any one time, you would have to understand the entire history of the universe. Why were they there? Why at that exact time? Why were they going where they were going? What kind of car were they driving? Who designed it? What kind of engineering limitations did it have? What was the condition of the road and why? Where did the weather come from? Why were those people even living in that place? Etc., etc., etc.

You get the point.

In my post, “Think Flexible,” I made an argument for viewing the world as flexible or open, as opposed to fixed. There is a world of possibilities and complexities.

For example, many people of faith pray. Then they assume the only influence on a situation is God (then blame God when things don’t go well). They fail to recognize other variables, like other people’s choices, spiritual forces, consequences of a sinful world, design flaws, poor timing, cause and effect forces in nature, your diet for the past 30 years, and about a million other things you can’t see. And we all know, sometimes shit just happens.

I think we can influence life, but not everything in life. Many people pray, but even prayer is not a magic bullet.

Out of the box thinker and author, Greg Boyd blogged about a car accident he was in with his wife. He wrote: “I do not believe these other variables are completely overridden because someone prays…If God wills what you pray for, in this view, he makes it happen: if he doesn’t will it, he won’t. By contrast, in the open view, prayer increases God’s influence in the world…but it doesn’t cause God to coercively override all other variables.

So next time something happens, or you pray and don’t get the answer you wanted, keep in mind the world is very complex and there are many variables.

I am not trying to be negative, but I am addressing our obsession with having to understand. I suspect that you already suspect this to be true.

How comfortable are you with uncertainty?

Though you try really hard, you will only ever see the tip of the tip of the iceberg.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/30/top-10-6-the-world-is-complex/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/30/top-10-6-the-world-is-complex/Messy part 2http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/E5iglX1GLzc/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/22/messy-part-2/#respondTue, 23 May 2017 03:48:42 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2291In the last article, I discussed something we all know: life is messy. We sometimes don’t want to face people or problems we can’t relate to, and we are likely to RUN Forrest RUN!

This time I want to write about internal messy.Yea, sometimes we want to run from that also!

We all have stuff, baggage, issues, shit, whatever you want to call it. It’s the ugly part of our human experience, brought on by personal failures, warped views of reality, skewed perceptions, hurts from others, the dark side of our cultures, and a lot of other factors.

It’s so easy to go through life and just coast…to not really deal with our “stuff.”

It seems we tend to grow and transcend in two ways:

Experiencing profound, unconditional love

Suffering–facing and working through our pain (facing it head on and dealing with it!)

It is the later we address here.

It takes much courage to engage in deep self-evaluation. We might be afraid of what we will find. Or we are tempted to run away from the pain.

Who likes pain? Given the choice between an ice cream and a root canal, healthy people will usually choose the ice cream, unless of course they have a lot of tooth pain and are desperate to get help.

I was talking with someone recently who discussed his experience with addiction and dysfunction. He moved to get away from his pain, but of course, the pain came with him. He tried avoiding his issues, going around them and getting in front of him, but he finally realize he had to go THROUGH them.

It’s what I heard Father Richard Rohr describes as:

Construction – how you develop our life, only to realize some of it wasn’t working

Deconstruction – everything must fall apart that wasn’t working

Reconstruction – the building up of the person you were meant to be; some would call this your TRUE self.

I experienced this, and continue to experience this, as the onion layers of my life are exposed. It’s never something to look forward to, but you reach a point where it’s the only choice to move forward.

It’s probably a shame that we don’t hit rock bottom more often.

Ah yes, desperation to get help. That is often a motivator to do the hard work, to endure the pain, and to push through to the next step—to RECONSTRUCT!

Speaking of steps, I think we can learn much from 12 steps originally proposed by Alcoholics Anonymous in 1939. Read the list below, which is Celebrate Recovery’s more generic list, and notice how much of them involve deep soul work—dealing with personal “stuff” (which involves working through the pain).

We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.

We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

We continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs.*

My encouragement to you is to have the audacity to deal with the “messy” in your life. Instead of ignoring it or focusing on the messy in others, turn inward and do the hard work necessary to re-gain your true self—the person you were created to be! You will be part of a relatively small percentage of humans who are willing to go there.

Often this work is best done with others. Consider getting a trustworthy counselor, or go online to learn about and find a group like Celebrate Recovery that you might connect with in your area.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/22/messy-part-2/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/22/messy-part-2/050: Transformational Relationshipshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/hn6O98HJjCM/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/22/50-transformational-relationships/#respondMon, 22 May 2017 17:19:28 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2771Jeannette Slated is back to chat with Dr. Deb about relationships that are life-giving and help us grow.

Dedicated to helping people grow and develop, Jeannette Slater has been involved in professional life coaching for over 20 years. Dr. Deb is a communication professor at several colleges and universities.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/22/50-transformational-relationships/feed/0Jeannette Slated is back to chat with Dr. Deb about relationships that are life-giving and help us grow. Dedicated to helping people grow and develop, Jeannette Slater has been involved...Jeannette Slated is back to chat with Dr. Deb about relationships that are life-giving and help us grow. Dedicated to helping people grow and develop, Jeannette Slater has been involved...Get Control of Your Life41:48http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/22/50-transformational-relationships/Messy part 1http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/e-s96j13GgA/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/20/messy/#respondSat, 20 May 2017 22:35:31 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2286How comfortable are you with “messy?”

I’m not referring to your desk or house, but rather people, life and society.

I attended a worship service one Sunday that was full of “messy” people. Some clearly had mental illness. Others were homeless. Still others dressed funny. And (OMG!) some were gay.

Most of us were raised to think with clear distinctions and a sense of who is acceptable and part of our “IN” group and who is “OUT.” (We usually define acceptable and “in” the same.)

We divide people by race, economics, social status, religion, sexual orientation, and a million other categories. The in/out, us/them mentality is surely a fitting descriptor of our fallen world.

We can learn from the great mystics and spiritual leaders of history. Jesus, Gandhi, Desmond Tutu, the Dali Lama (and so many others) were transformed from the inside out and filled with compassionate love; they let go of judgment and were freed TO LOVE. In fact, they were very comfortable with “messy” on a very regular basis. How could Mother Theresa have served the poor like she did if she was constantly grossed out?

We may not like tattoos, people of irregular size, other religions, or folks who do things we consider vile and outside the norm. However, life is messy. People are messy.

And what seems to matter is our response.

After the church service I attended with “messy” people, I ate lunch downstairs where even more “messy” showed up. They were homeless, coming on Sundays to eat a weekly meal they can always count on. I was surrounded by people who smelled bad, engaged in strange conversations, and even held their pets while they ate. A lady at my table had her less-than-sterile, “Homeless, please help” sign laying right there next to her plate. It was all rather messy. It was also rather refreshing—not the smelliness or the irregularness of the whole scene, but the opportunity to love, eat and do life together.

I didn’t have to tell them how to get fixed; I just had to be a fellow human.

There are many issues that we as individuals and societies don’t want to face.

As Sister Simone Campbell (nun, attorney and Washington lobbyist) said, “One of the reasons we don’t like “messy” is because we feel the need to clean it all up. We can’t always do that, so we avoid it—instead of allowing it to change us, challenge us, or allow it to break our heart open (to be able to embrace more).”

So instead of taking the high road and just loving, like Jesus and Gandhi did, we judge and distance ourselves. We walk, or even run away. We play the ostrich who hides its head in the sand.

Running away makes nothing better; in fact, it seems to actually make things worse, much worse.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/20/messy/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/20/messy/Top 10-#5 Communication is importanthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/S6V41byo0Ts/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/18/top-10-5-communication-is-important/#respondThu, 18 May 2017 14:30:16 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=989You are a communicator. You are different than the rest of life on earth.

The plants live by cause and effect. If you put a seed in the ground and it receives nutrients from the soil, warmth from the sun and moisture from the sky, it will do what is in its DNA. Plants are involved in a give-and-take cycle that is about exchanging energy.

Animals seem to live by instinct. They know what to do and spend their whole lives doing it: eating, pooping, sleeping (they’re really good at that one), reproducing, etc. This morning the dove eggs in a nest outside my kitchen window are being protected by mama (or papa) dove as it snows.

People are different; we’re much more complex than things that live by instinct or cause and effect.

We have the ability to reason, can emote, possess freewill, are creative, and communicate. I think we can do all these things because we’re made in God’s image.

Communication has been around a long time; it’s right from the beginning of the bible. Genesis 1:1 says, “In the beginning God.” The word for God is actually Gods; it is plural. It presumes that God has always existed. If God consists of multiple persons that have existed forever, one has to assume they have communicated forever.

You cannot haverelationshipwithout communication.

God used communication to make the world; They spoke the world into existence.

Jesus was called the Word.

Jesus told stories and asked questions more than anything else. He was a master communicator.

Good, healthy, effective, loving communication is essential for healthy relationships. When we withhold affection, say harmful words, withdraw, or even focus on what we want to say next, we are being selfish and unkind; we are not honoring the other person.

Communication is about well-chosen words, how words are spoken, and what we say through glances and body language. But it’s also about being a good listener, honoring the speaker, giving eye contact and showing respect. Healthy relationships are a balance of give-and-take.

As Maya Angelou (and others) have said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

You and I are a communicators. If it’s part our unique design, perhaps it deserves more attention.

I am challenged to think about my communication and learn how to do it better.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/18/top-10-5-communication-is-important/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/18/top-10-5-communication-is-important/Top 10-#4 Think Flexiblehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/bRhviB4efSg/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/15/top-10-4-think-flexible/#respondMon, 15 May 2017 06:21:24 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=982In 1956, actress Doris Day recorded the hit song, “Que Será Será.” It was introduced in the Hitchcock film, The Man Who Knew Too Much and later used as the theme of The Doris Day [TV] Show.

“Whatever will be will be” is what the words mean. Related popular expression are, “it was meant to be,” and “everything happens for a reason,” (as if someone or something is driving the universe).

These expressions reflect a worldview that is fatalistic and predetermined.

The problem is, the world doesn’t work like that.

I believe there is someone bigger than me, a being referred to as God.

I’m not a Deist who believes that God created the world and then left it. Neither am I a determinist who thinks God causes everything. (If that is so, you must conclude that God is a monster, a topic I will address in a later post.)

The world is not on some pre-determined course. There are too many variables. There are too many possibilities. There is human free will.

Animists believe spirits inhabit everything (trees, the ground, everything) and humans are mostly powerless to fight them; people live in fear.

Muslims say, “nsha’Allah,” which means, “God willing.” Behind this saying is a belief that nothing happens outside of God’s will.

These ideas have invaded Christianity as far back as Augustine in the 4th and 5th centuries.

However, life shows us that things can change. In the bible, there is great evidence that God changes his mind.

I have free will, so I can choose my path—and change my mind.

If I see the world as fixed, then I am either in the right or in the wrong. I am either on the merry-go-round or I am off. I’m either in God’s will or I’m not. This is very simplistic, legalistic and discouraging. It can leave one with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

I think it is reasonable to see life as dynamic and my relationship with God as a dance. I move; He moves. He moves; I move. Good relationships are always marked by give-and-take adjustment and flexibility.

You live in a world of possibilities. God gave you a lot of power.

Consider the world as open, not fixed.

In 1969, funk musician Sly Stone recorded another song, “You Can Make It If You Try.”

We must live consistent with what we believe. Even as Doris Day released her fatalistic hit, “Que Será Será,” she was busy building her successful career in Hollywood. She was proving you can make it if you try.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/15/top-10-4-think-flexible/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/15/top-10-4-think-flexible/Top 10-#3 Try New Thingshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/Qt4dcIz8wMs/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/14/top-10-3-try-new-things/#respondSun, 14 May 2017 18:00:44 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=973We have an English expression that one can be “stuck in a rut”.

A rut in the ground is created when repeated activity takes place in the same location.If you walk or drive in the same place every day, you will create ruts or crevices in the ground. Over time, these can become huge.

Our brains are no different. When you do things over and over and only occasionally deviate from sameness, your brain actually creates ruts.

So the expression, “I’m in a rut,” is very literal.

Scientists used to believe that the brain has little ability to change past childhood. But research since the 1960s shows the brain is like plastic; it has the ability to change as a result of new experiences. It can even rewire itself after suffering damage.

I saw a documentary about a 95-year-old Japanese man who was still directing a preschool for special needs children. He had learned the Korean language in his 80s and was learning Chinese in his 90s so he could travel to China to share his expertise on children. This man refused to retire into a rocking chair; he continued to live by pushing himself and learning new things.

I think he might have a key to staying young.

I once took a creative communication class. We were encouraged to alter our daily routines in order to spark creativity: take a different route home or brush your teeth with your other hand.

If you’re a follower of this blog, you know I often quote the famous American basketball coach John Wooden. He said, “Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.”

So do something different today. Expose yourself to new ideas and experiences.

If your brain was wired to be constantly changing and making new connections, exposing yourself to novel ideas and experiences is vital.

But something happens when we grow up. We are compelled to conform; it’s one of the strongest pressures in the world. We live in a world driven by social norms, and sometimes those norms are less than helpful.

We are told what to think. We start to accept the way things are. We stop exploring.

As I travel the world, I see that some cultures resist change, critical thinking and question-asking. In fact, asking questions is sometimes seen as rebellious or obnoxious; sometimes it’s even punished.

Perhaps you grew up in a family that was always pushing your mental boundaries. Or perhaps you didn’t.

I think some of us need to be given permission to ask questions.Has it been awhile since you had an original or creative thought? Is your mind full of cobwebs?

I am privileged to have a life-long friend who taught me critical thinking skills. He’s an engineer, so he questions everything. He gave me permission, and it altered my life.

Asking questions is good, healthy and reasonable. And contrary to popular belief, God likes it. Jesus asked a lot of questions!

I used to think that life was all about the end, about finding truth and holding on to it. But then I realized life is about the journey, always learning and growing. Life isn’t easy. We have to struggle and wrestle to find solutions for life’s challenges. I think it’s how we were designed.

So here is permission. ASK QUESTIONS! Think creative thoughts. Escape whatever boxes you have built in your mind or have been imposed on you.

Allow yourself the freedom to resist the status quo and rediscover inquisitiveness.

“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter…”Matthew 18:3 The Bible (NIV)

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/10/top-10-2-ask-questions/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/10/top-10-2-ask-questions/Top 10-#1 Laugh!http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/ZVvOMJmp-9o/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/09/top-10-1/#respondTue, 09 May 2017 07:35:01 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=954A few years ago I gave a talk in Argentina listing 10 of the most important lessons I’ve learned in life.

I will be blogging on these lessons every day for 10 consecutive days. I hope they will inspire you and motivate you to come up with your top 10!

#1 Laugh a lot

It’s so easy for us to be overly serious. We stress. We’re tired. We are overwhelmed. We feel guilty about the stuff we did and the stuff we didn’t do.

We need to lighten up.

The cliché is true that laughter is good medicine. Research proves it.

Become less serious and cultivate a more playful attitude in life (this is the basic foundation for your sense of humor)

Develop a more hearty and healthy belly laugh

Improve your joke-telling skills

Create your own spontaneous verbal humor

Find humor in everyday life

Laugh at yourself, and

Start applying these skills to cope with stress.

So chill out, lighten up and laugh!

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/09/top-10-1/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/09/top-10-1/I Don’t Know What I Want To Be When I Grow Up!http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/HDXGFLW200Y/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/05/i-dont-know-what-i-want-to-be-when-i-grow-up-2/#commentsFri, 05 May 2017 11:45:35 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=483Perhaps you think you’re the only one who says, “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” Actually, it’s more common than you think. I even heard the phrase from two 50-somethings this week. If you are asking deep questions about who you are, what you’re good at, or what you REALLY want to do, you’re not alone.

We all desire to know who we are and what work will be fun and fulfilling. Some people don’t know because they’ve focused on others, like their kids. Some have let life push them instead of them pushing life. Some have spent all their energy working for a paycheck, or have perhaps never given themselves permission to ask, “What would I really like to do?” How about you?

Get Control Of Your Life is not about giving you formulas or steps. There are enough websites, book authors and motivational speakers already out there with 5 or 10 simple steps to success. I think life is more complex, so here you will find no magic bullets for life, secret recipes for success, or easy plans. We all get to figure stuff out for ourselves. However, there is help.

Here are some principles that have served me:

Look for patterns

Know thyself

Inform thyself

Motivate thyself

Connect thyself

Submit thyself

Look for patterns

Think about what you’ve enjoyed doing throughout your life.

What were the projects or initiatives that were really fun, fulfilling, made you feel good about yourself, and gave you the sense that you made a difference?

Take some time alone to reflect on this question. Go for a walk. Get quiet. Get out some paper and make a list. You may be surprised at what you unveil.

When I look back on my life, I see patterns. I love communication. I enjoy making videos for non-profits. I like to write. I love to influence people. I adore teaching, and I realized that everything I do has a teaching motivation, whether it’s speaking, writing, or producing. I’m a news junkie, and I love to tell stories. I love the challenge of trying to represent God accurately and without all the religious baggage.

It was only as I began to create Get Control Of Your Life that I remembered some things I did as a child. Wow, I found patterns!

As a little blond-headed girl of maybe 8 or 9, I decided to publish a newspaper. (See me in the cover photo of this post.) I apparently wrote some articles and glued the tiny comic from bubble gum or Cracker Jack (caramel coated popcorn and peanuts with a “prize”) for the comic section of my “paper.” I then posted the paper on the light pole in front of our house.

Years later, as an adult, I was the copy editor on a hospital ship called The Anastasis. With a typewriter (we’re talking 1982-83) and a lousy photocopier, I “published” The Daily Plan-It, a takeoff on The Daily Planet where Clark Kent (Superman) and Lois Lane worked. It was great fun, and I loved informing my shipmates of key announcements and putting a smile on their faces with little anecdotes and jokes.

Another thing I did as a kid was pretend to be a news anchor, and one night I performed the news in front of my parents and grandparents. I must have been quite young because it was that night I learned what a weather forecast is! As a graduate student in the late 1980s, I worked on a weekly newscast on The Family Channel and got to be a real news anchor. In the 1990s I worked for two news stations in Dallas.

The most researched and written-about profile is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I use this test in my college interpersonal communication class because it helps students not only understand themselves better, but also those around them, with the goal of developing healthier relationships.

StrengthsFinder can give you another great profile. You buy the book (which is much cheaper than it was just 2 years ago) and get a code in the back to take the test online. This particular profile evaluates you on 34 dimensions and tells you what your top five are. The philosophy is that you develop a sense of your strengths and then put your energy into making them even better. Improving your strengths instead of focusing on your weaknesses has proven to be a much better strategy.

If you’ve never done this profile, I encourage you to get the book and do it! (Be careful not to get a used book as the code for taking the online test has probably been used.)

Inform thyself

Read books and credible websites. Listen to podcasts. Be a learner.

You’ve heard me quote from the famous American basketball coach John Wooden: “Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.”

Timing is essential. There is nothing better than the right resource at the right time. You have to find the ones that are right for you.

This past year I have especially appreciated Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr. This Franciscan monk is a deeply spiritual and articulate man who describes the two halves of life as: 1) Building your box, as in figuring out who you are and how you’re going to support yourself, and 2) Living out of your box, which comes naturally in the 2nd half of life.

The other book that was timely for me was Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job & Your Dream Job by Jon Acuff. Acuff works on the Dave Ramsey team, a group famous for their advice on finances and getting out of debt. But they are increasingly working to help people be winners in every aspect of their lives. In Quitter, Acuff is encouraging about helping you turn your passion into your profession, by doing it in the right way and in the right time.

I found that getting a life coach was one of the best things I ever did. Unlike counseling (that focuses on the past), life coaching is all about the future. A good coach is one who listens and does not tell you what to do; rather they help guide you into the future. As a client, you set the agenda, you set determine what areas of your life you want to work on, and you set measurable goals.

Also connect yourself to others by networking. Hang out with people who have the life you wish you had. Network with people on a similar journey.

Submit thyself

Submitting yourself to God and others is a wise thing to do. There are areas of our lives we are blind to, things we just don’t see. While we think we have an accurate picture of ourselves, we actually have an extremely limited perspective.

No one knows you like God and yourself (the second is quite distant to the former but nevertheless significant). Pray. Ask for spiritual guidance. Ask for Ah-Ha! moments that will project you into a bright and fulfilling future.

Get advice from people you trust; they likely have some helpful insight to offer when they know it would be welcomed.

Life’s too short not to be doing what you love and are good at. Turn your “Thank God it’s Friday” into “Thank God it’s Monday” because you can’t wait to get back to what you love.

Reminder…

Look for patterns: Reflect on times in your life when you felt alive. What patterns do you see?

Know thyself: Take some personality tests. You may be surprised what you learn about yourself.

Inform thyself: Read, listen and learn.

Motivate thyself: Hang out with positive and encouraging people. Listen to motivational voices.

Connect thyself: Find a life coach. Connect with others who are doing what you want to do or who are on a similar journey.

Submit thyself: Seek Ah-Ha! moments from others you trust.

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http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/03/pleasantville/#commentsWed, 03 May 2017 15:04:24 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1786It seemed everything was perfect. Kids were happy, fathers got a fully cooked dinner after a long day at work, the streets were clean, and there was no crime anywhere to be found. It was the idealized American 1950s. It’s all the residents of the small town knew.

But life turned messy when two teenagers from the next century invaded their perfect space.

You see, the place was a fictionalized town inside a fictionalized movie called Pleasantville released 1998. The film starred Tobey Maguire, Reese Witherspoon, William H. Macy, Jeff Daniels and Don Knotts.

The film began in the 1990s. Tobey’s character David longed for the simplicity of the 1950s. The victim of his parents’ failed marriage, a stressed-out mother, and an absent father, David escaped his painful reality by watching old re-runs of a 1950s TV show, Pleasantville. And Reece’s character, Jennifer, was obsessed with being popular at school and sleeping with every high school boy she could seduce. Her value was based on being liked by others.

One day, while fighting over the television remote, David and Jennifer were magically transported into the 1950s world of Pleasantville, only to find the town residents living in black-and-white, just like the TV show.

What they found were isolated, ignorant and shallow residents. While everything seemed wonderful on the surface, the reality was that the townsfolk knew of nothing outside their tiny world, and were ignorant to the beauty of art, the mind-expanding knowledge of books and the intimacy of deep relationships.

David and Jennifer could not help being who they were (themselves from the 1990s). As they interacted with Pleasantville’s residents, things began to change. As folks experienced beauty, choice, knowledge and passion, they began to change from 2-dimensional characters in black and white to 3-dimensional characters in living color.

As in real life, some of Pleasantville’s residents embraced change, while others organized to resist it; their answer to the threat of personal growth and discovery was to pass more laws to preserve life as they previously knew it.

But change was inevitable, and Pleasantville was about to change forever. So were Jennifer and David.

Jennifer discovered the engaging world of knowledge as she read her first book. She replaced her need for social approval with the quest for knowledge and personal growth. She decided the town she first saw as repugnant, was indeed a place she wanted to stay.

But not David. As he made peace with his less-than-ideal 1990s family, he knew he had to return to his real life and come to peace with all that life had thrown him.

What about you? Do you long for the days when life was simpler? Do you live in Pleasantville to insulate yourself from the uncertainty of newfound knowledge, beauty, and personal growth? Do you live in 2-dimensional black-and-white world, or one in multi-dimensional color?

Face your fears. Risk. Read a new book. Create some art. Make new friends. Embrace the messiness of life and life in color.

And while you’re at it, watch the movie.

Many thanks to Linsday Rust who inspired this article.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/03/pleasantville/feed/2http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/03/pleasantville/Avoiding Transformationhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/Swfpow4KbYg/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/02/avoiding-transformation/#respondTue, 02 May 2017 17:10:32 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2751This article is part of a series on scapegoating by Franciscian, Richard Rohr.

It seems we always find some way to avoid the transformation of our pain. There’s the common way of fight. Fighters are looking for the evildoer, the sinner, the unjust one, the oppressor, the bad person “over there.” He or she “righteously” attacks, hates, or even kills the wrong-doer, while feeling heroic for doing so (see John 16:2). We are all tempted to project our problem on someone or something else rather than dealing with it in ourselves.

The zealot—and we’ve all been one at different times—is actually relieved by having someone to hate, because it takes away our inner shame and anxiety and provides a false sense of innocence. As long as the evil is “over there” and we can keep our focus on changing or expelling someone else (as the contaminating element), then we feel at peace. But this is not the peace of Christ, which “the world cannot give” (see John 14:27).

Playing the victim is another way to deal with pain indirectly. You blame someone else, and your pain becomes your personal ticket to power because it gives you a false sense of moral superiority and outrage. You don’t have to grow up, let go, forgive, or surrender—you just have to accuse someone else of being worse than you are. And sadly, that becomes your very fragile identity, which always needs more reinforcement.

The other common way to avoid the path of transformation is the way of flight or denial. It can take many forms. Those with the instinct to flee will often deny or ignore pain by naively dividing the world up through purity codes and worthiness systems. They keep the problem on the level of words, ideas, and absolute laws separating good and evil. They refuse to live in the real world of shadow and paradox. They divide the world into total good guys and complete bad guys, a comfortable but untrue worldview of black and white. This approach comprises most fundamentalist and early stage religion. It refuses to carry the cross of imperfection, failure, and sin in itself. It is always others who must be excluded so I can be pure and holy. Denial is an understandable—but false—way of coping and surviving. Yet it is often the only way that many people can deal with the complexity of their human situation.

All of these patterns perpetuate pain and violence rather than bringing true healing. Jesus took the more difficult path: to know the depths of suffering and sin and yet to forgive reality for being what it is. That is the Third Way, beyond fight and flight, and yet in a subtle sense including both of them. Only the Spirit can teach us the paradox of Jesus’ death and resurrection, the pattern of all growth, change, and transformation. It is equally hard to trust both sides—the dying itself and the promised new state.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/02/avoiding-transformation/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/02/avoiding-transformation/Living With Purposehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/QLUEre4aTaI/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/01/purpose/#respondMon, 01 May 2017 07:55:59 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1483“Finding a direction for life, and setting overarching goals for what you want to achieve can help you actually live longer,” says psychology researcher, Patrick Hill of Carleton University.

Hill and his colleague Nicholas Turiano recently published “Purpose in Life as a Predictor of Mortality Across Adulthood,” in the journal, Psychological Science, adding to a list of studies that show the importance of living life with purpose.

Many studies have shown the physical benefits of psychological wellbeing. And several have even studied attitudes about life purpose.

But Hill and Turiano (of the University of Rochester Medical Center) decided to see if the benefits of purpose vary over time and help people deal with life transitions.

They looked at data from the Midlife in the United States (MIDUS) study, funded by the National Institute on Aging.

They examined responses about purpose from over 6,000 participants over a 14-year period. They found those who had reported a greater sense of purpose outlived their peers. In fact, they had a 15% lower risk of death compared to their more aimless counterparts

Purpose turned out to be a greater predictor of long life than other factors including gender and emotional wellbeing.

We know there are many influences on our health and aging. It is not simply the fate of our DNA that determines our happiness, success and longevity.

Living a life of purpose is a uniquely human endeavor.There seems to be a drive deep inside everyone to live for something greater than themselves. Some live for their children. Some live to change the world. It doesn’t seem to matter how lofty the purpose. But having a purpose is essential for living life as you were designed.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/01/purpose/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/05/01/purpose/Examining Relationshipshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/tg6dMFVvF6o/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/04/10/examining-relationships/#respondMon, 10 Apr 2017 10:21:13 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2635With whom do I have the closest relationships? What connections are those relationships based on? How can I re-evaluate the depth of particular relationships to know where to put my energies?

These are some of the questions I asked myself while sitting in on a course called, Your CrossRoads.

Working with a non-profit for much of my career, I had considered literally hundreds of people to be friends. A belief is that the mission is held together by relationships and shared ethos. Consequently, I had almost no mental map to differentiate various relationships.

However, when I left the group, it became more obvious who were my friends and who were relationships of convenience. True friends follow you in life; friendships of convenience or circumstance fade away.

Now a couple of years out, I find myself thinking about my relationships and considering the differences between friends, acquaintances and colleagues. There are differences.

In her CrossRoads course, creator Victoria Jeffs challenges participants to identify the foundations important to healthy relationships. The model helped me identify how I relate to various people in my life.

The foundational pillars are touch points we have in common with others. Upon examination, I found that my closest friendships are with those people I share several touch points. They are:

Intellect

Emotion

Social

Spiritual

Financial

Physical

Cultural

Some people are in our lives due to circumstances. These include family members, work colleagues, and others we know through various groups in which we participate.

The close relationships in our lives are those we have invited in.

Like me, you can use the seven pillars to examine your closest relationships. This simple exercise can help you identify what aspects of those relationships are healthy and also what are unhealthy. Healthy relationships are life-giving. Unhealthy relationships are life-stealing.

Place yourself at the center. Next are your closest, dearest friends. They are likely people with whom you connect via several pillars. For example, you might connect intellectually, socially and spiritually.

Next are those who you also consider close, but not the closest, and so on.

Finally, the outer circle contains those who are in your life but with whom you feel less connection. Maybe you realize you have only one or even NO pillars in common. So to continue to prop up those relationships can often be frustrating and draining.

I encourage you to print or draw your own concentric circles, then write names in each orbit. The exercise will help you clarify the nature and priority of your relationships, define their purpose in your life, and help you know where to put your energies.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/04/10/examining-relationships/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/04/10/examining-relationships/Who Was St. Patrick?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/RtcMmu-4xu4/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/03/17/who-was-st-patrick/#commentsFri, 17 Mar 2017 07:09:11 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=254Who was Saint Patrick, the patron saint of the Irish whose name represents all things green?

Because of the holiday—St. Patrick’s Day, celebrated every March 17th—you might think this historical figure was an Irishman who drank green beer. In fact, neither is true.

Saint Patrick was actually born in Scotland or Wales to parents who were Romans living as colonial bureaucrats in Britain!

Born around 385, Patrick is surely to have drunk beer, or ale as it was called then. People drank a lot of beer back then because it was cleaner than water (that could give you nasty parasites and diseases). But as everybody knows, ale is more of a meal in a glass, and generally much darker than the standard pilsners and lagers from my Germanic ancestors and other Europeans. I don’t think they had green food coloring then; making beer (and rivers) green is an Irish-American invention meant to celebrate ethnicity.

Patrick would have grown up with some privilege, as his parents worked for Roman occupiers. However, in his teens, a raiding party (that’s what they did back then) invaded and kidnapped Patrick off to Ireland, where he was made to heard sheep.

It was as a slave in Ireland that he encountered God. There is nothing like captivity or other unpleasant circumstances to get you on your knees. He later wrote, “The love of God and his fear grew in me more and more, as did the faith, and my soul was roused, so that, in a single day, I have said as many as a hundred prayers and in the night, nearly the same…I prayed in the woods and on the mountain, even before dawn. I felt no hurt from the snow or ice or rain.”

After about six years of captivity, Patrick managed to escape, and caught a ship back to Britain. Patrick had another dream telling him to go back to Ireland as a missionary.

Though he was fairly uneducated, Patrick began to study for the priesthood and was eventually ordained a bishop. He was then commissioned to take the gospel to Ireland, which he obediently did.

Patrick preached the Christian message throughout his adopted land. According to Catholic Online, he converted thousands of Druids and pagans—even entire kingdoms, to the faith—over a span of 40 years.

One icon that has come to symbolize Ireland is the cloverleaf. Legend has it that Saint Patrick used the 3-leaf clover to explain the Trinity, the concept that God is actually three persons, revealed in the bible as the Father, Jesus (the Son), and the Holy Spirit. What a simple but brilliant artifact that would have helped his illiterate audiences understand a most profound truth. A cloverleaf has no hierarchy, all the leaves are equal yet distinct.

Lessons we can learn from Saint Patrick:

Saint Patrick was passionate about his faith and a humble man. He admitted his mistakes, calling himself, “a sinner and most humble country man,” and called himself, “imperfect in many things.”

He was unapologetic about his faith, even before he was educated. “I cannot keep silent, nor would it be proper, so many favors and graces has the Lord deigned to bestow on me in the land of my captivity.”

He took risks to fulfill his calling. Seriously, would you or I return to a land where we had been captive? “If I have any worth, it is to live my life for God so as to teach these peoples; even though some of them still look down on me.”

He listened to God and read the times. Whether it was a dream or the convictions of his heart, he followed one greater than himself. “I heard a voice saying to me: “You do well to fast: soon you will depart for your home country.” And again, a very short time later, there was a voice prophesying: “Behold, your ship is ready.” He also wrote, “I would not cause offense to readers, but I have God as witness who knew all things even before they happened, that, though I was a poor ignorant waif, still he gave me abundant warnings through divine prophecy.”

He overcame obstacles. After he escaped captivity, he still had to travel some 200 miles to reach the ship that would carry him back to Britain.

He was a man of prayer. “I used to stay out in the forests and on the mountain and I would wake up before daylight to pray in the snow, in icy coldness, in rain, and I used to feel neither ill nor any slothfulness, because, as I now see, the Spirit was burning in me at that time.”

He was not overly concerned with what others thought of him. “Let anyone laugh and taunt if he so wishes. I am not keeping silent, nor am I hiding the signs and wonders that were shown to me by the Lord many years before they happened, who knew everything, even before the beginning of time.”

As you or those around you engage in wearing green, participating in parades, or drinking too much Guinness, green beer, or Irish whiskey, think about the person for whom the holiday was named. It may give you some perspective and help you contemplate a life from which we can learn much.

Patrick was so beloved by the Irish that he became a national treasure and was sainted. This one man accomplished so much; he left an amazing legacy. What will we leave behind?

“There are two moments that matter. One is when you know that your one and only life is absolutely valuable and alive. The other is when you know your life, as presently lived, is entirely pointless and empty. You need both of them to keep you going in the right direction. Lent is about both.”

Rohr offers the idea that Lent can be a time to be fully known. “Allow yourself to be fully known,” he wrote, “and you will know what you need to know.”Or as social reformer and Saint, Teresa of Avila, wrote in the 16th century: “We find God in ourselves, and we find ourselves in God.”

I invite you to set aside this season for reflection, to be known, and to bask in the love of The Divine. After all, that is what the season is all about: passionate, loving redemption.

Here are just a handful of refreshing resources you may find helpful:

Wondrous Encounters: Scripture for Lent by Richard Rohr. The small book is available in print or as an eBook. I downloaded the Kindle version in about 5 seconds from Amazon. I found Rohr’s Advent devotional book so great, I decided to try this one. I consider Rohr one of my spiritual teachers.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/02/28/lent/feed/1http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/02/28/lent/Perception Checkinghttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/XqlzFVWKGpw/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/02/21/perception-checking/#respondTue, 21 Feb 2017 16:00:40 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1681We think we see the world as it is. But we actually see it through our limited perceptions and stories we construct to explain it.

We develop narratives about who we are, who other people are, and what events and communication mean.We’re on a constant quest to explain things to ourselves.

Each of us was raised differently, had vastly different experiences, came from different cultures and were exposed to different kinds of information, so we all created our thinking patterns separately and distinctly.

No wonder we have such a hard time understanding each other. “How could you POSSIBLY think THAT!?” we often ask.

We forget we have limited perceptions, and over-trust our impressions.

Even the Bible points this out, saying we only see as if looking at a reflection and knowing in part.*

That is why ten people can witness a crime and all report a different story. It’s also why ten million people can watch the same television event and all have a distinct experience.

It helps if we break down the process into a simple model:

We are stimulated through our senses. What we observe (notice) is selectively based on what grabs our attention, meets a need, or is enjoyable.

We then organize what we have sensed into thinking structures that make sense to us.Swiss developmental psychologist, Jean Piaget, called these knowledge or mental schemata that we developed from our unique experiences and what sociologists, Berger and Luckmann, called social construction.**

After that we interpret; we assign meaning to what we sensed.

Perception States

We confuse these stages, especially observation and interpretation.

I understand how challenging this can be, especially in relationships.

I have a good friend who is very different than me. We see the world in vastly different ways, and we make decisions based on extremely different criteria. We often don’t “get” each other, which has a nasty way of building tension between us. We miss-attribute each other, inferring meaning that is sometimes completely opposite of what the other intended! Ugh!

In my college classroom, I hold up two fingers then ask my students, “What do you observe?” They shout out various things, like “Two,” “Peace,” and “Victory.” Then I ask them again. What do you observe? It usually takes a few silent seconds of looking into their baffled faces before I reveal the answer. “The teacher is holding up two fingers.”

Then I ask what this means (interpretation). They repeat their first responses: “Two,” “Peace,” and “Victory.” I point out that observation and interpretation are very different things. Oh how quick we are to jump to the interpretation!

There are a few principles that can help us be healthier in our thinking about situations and each other:

Realize we have limited perceptions and sometimes-inaccurate interpretations.

Exercise humility to realize we never have the full picture.

Reduce assumptions.What our friend intended to communicate may not be what we assumed at all. And we all know what happens when we assume—we make an ASS out of U and ME.

Ask for clarification. This is called perception checking. We may find that what we interpreted was completely misguided. This helps us avoid misattribution—when we attribute incorrect meaning to a situation.

Consider alternative interpretations. Is it possible someone meant something other than what you interpreted?

Use more provisional language. Instead of using strong language like, “I know,” use phrases like, “It seems to me,” or “I suspect.”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/02/21/perception-checking/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/02/21/perception-checking/How are you doing?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/XqreMLlxZKE/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2017/01/26/how-are-you-doing/#respondThu, 26 Jan 2017 19:07:57 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2586We are about to complete the first month of 2017. That’s right, we’re almost 1/12 through the new year already! It’s a great time to measure our initial progress.

I set a few large goals for this year. Did you? How are you doing on them?

Are you winning at some and have room to improve others? Well beating yourself up won’t do any good. Do y need to adjust some actual goals or do you need to alter your approach?

I challenge to you ask yourself:

Which goals have you achieved? Tell somebody of your accomplishments! Pat yourself on the back.

Dedicated to rethinking stereotypical concepts of God, many of which are inconsistent with the bible and nature, Derek loves to talk about the nature and character of God, reconciliation, and the future of the church. His fun and simple approach to difficult issues make him relevant for all generations.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/10/12/049-planting-god/feed/0Derek Schoenhoff talks about his just-released book, Planting God, an attempt to make God more accessible to everyone. Dedicated to rethinking stereotypical concepts of God, many of which are inconsistent...Derek Schoenhoff talks about his just-released book, Planting God, an attempt to make God more accessible to everyone. Dedicated to rethinking stereotypical concepts of God, many of which are inconsistent...Get Control of Your Life52:02http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/10/12/049-planting-god/048: Brave Dames & Wimpetteshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/ulxGDzN3TPY/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/09/12/048-brave-dames-wimpettes/#respondTue, 13 Sep 2016 00:11:09 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2718A conversation with Jeannette Slater about how men and women communicate and are perceived differently. The episode touches on cultural expectations, social constructs of what is means to be a man & woman, understanding the sexes and being who you are. A timely episode as the U.S. struggles to understand and like its first female presidential candidate.Jeannette & Debra

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/09/12/048-brave-dames-wimpettes/feed/0A conversation with Jeannette Slater about how men and women communicate and are perceived differently. The episode touches on cultural expectations, social constructs of what is means to be a...A conversation with Jeannette Slater about how men and women communicate and are perceived differently. The episode touches on cultural expectations, social constructs of what is means to be a...Get Control of Your Life27:37http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/09/12/048-brave-dames-wimpettes/047: Gratitudehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/FWUkV8Fq34M/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/08/21/047-gratitude/#respondMon, 22 Aug 2016 01:35:22 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2713Jeannette Slater & Dr. Deb discuss a cure to many ills and stresses: gratitude! The episode is full of reminders and perspective that we often lose as we experience everyday life. Jeannette read Living in Gratitude: A Journey That Will Change Your Life by Arrien Angeles, internalized it and added her own reflections and experiences to discuss this important topic.

Check out Angeles books and try using the table above for a self-reflective exercise.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/08/21/047-gratitude/feed/0Jeannette Slater & Dr. Deb discuss a cure to many ills and stresses: gratitude! The episode is full of reminders and perspective that we often lose as we experience everyday...Jeannette Slater & Dr. Deb discuss a cure to many ills and stresses: gratitude! The episode is full of reminders and perspective that we often lose as we experience everyday...Get Control of Your Life25:38http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/08/21/047-gratitude/046: Muslims where you livehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/aPv-CAyXLB0/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/08/01/046-muslims-where-you-live/#respondMon, 01 Aug 2016 16:24:03 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2709In this episode, Dr. Deb has a candid conversation about Muslims with Egyptian, Ibrahim. Are they all terrorists? How can we inform our perspective and deal with our fears about Middle Eastern immigrants? What is Islam really like? What is a typical Muslim like? How might we be more welcoming and more Christ-like in how we treat our Muslim immigrant neighbors?]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/08/01/046-muslims-where-you-live/feed/0In this episode, Dr. Deb has a candid conversation about Muslims with Egyptian, Ibrahim. Are they all terrorists? How can we inform our perspective and deal with our fears about...In this episode, Dr. Deb has a candid conversation about Muslims with Egyptian, Ibrahim. Are they all terrorists? How can we inform our perspective and deal with our fears about...Get Control of Your Life38:20http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/08/01/046-muslims-where-you-live/045: Jesus was a Middle Eastern Refugee & other uncomfortable truthshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/1_jWmqCTz9M/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/19/045-jesus-was-a-middle-eastern-refugee-other-uncomfortable-truths/#respondTue, 19 Jul 2016 22:44:08 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2696In a time when Islam and refugees are in the news every day, it’s helpful to get another perspective from someone on the inside. Vicki Witte works with refugees, helping them learn English and adjust to life in the U.S. She is a wonderful example of the power of volunteerism and how even small efforts can make huge differences in the lives of our new neighbors. She describes the history of migration in biblical times and the new opportunities we have to welcome the strangers in our towns.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/19/045-jesus-was-a-middle-eastern-refugee-other-uncomfortable-truths/feed/0In a time when Islam and refugees are in the news every day, it’s helpful to get another perspective from someone on the inside. Vicki Witte works with refugees, helping...In a time when Islam and refugees are in the news every day, it’s helpful to get another perspective from someone on the inside. Vicki Witte works with refugees, helping...Get Control of Your Life45:21http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/19/045-jesus-was-a-middle-eastern-refugee-other-uncomfortable-truths/Toothpastehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/qGTWVDrU6Zw/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/13/toothpaste/#respondThu, 14 Jul 2016 02:32:07 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2692I like to think I’m a fairly responsible person. I’m a firstborn, and we are the responsible folks of the world. (OK, so much for the stereotype.)

When I see something that needs to be done, I do it. Or I procrastinate! Do you identify?

I recently did a deep clean of my bathroom and found not one, but FOUR tubes of toothpaste with a little product left in each one. I think I’ve maybe had two before, but FOUR!

When I’m getting ready to go somewhere or to bed at night, I just want to brush my teeth. I don’t want to mess with little bits of toothpaste (that I perceive to take too much of my energy.) There is little counter space in my bathroom, so getting that last little bit out adds a few annoying seconds to my busy lifestyle.

This all sounds rather terrible; surely there are bigger fish in life to fry! And certainly, there are MUCH bigger problems in the world to solve!

But we all have little things in our lives that bug us until we take care of them.

Maybe it’s the flowers that need to be deadheaded so they can bloom again, or that phone call you’ve been meaning to make, or that closet that desperately needs cleaning out.

Research shows that simply writing something down—getting it out of your head—can reduce mental and emotional fatigue. Not only do TO-DO lists help you prioritize and plan, but they also help reduce what you are burdened to carry around in your head.

Many self-development gurus, like Seth Godin and Rob Bell talk about the importance of saying “yes” to the things we really want and then committing to STEP 1.

Saying yes means you commit to a thing.

Taking the first step moves you closer to a solution.

I realized I needed to move the toothpaste from the bathroom to the kitchen where I have more counter space to squeeze out the last bits. Then it became easy to realize the next steps (squeeze the tubes, take them back to the bathroom, use the ends, and throw out the spent tubes).

What are your tubes of toothpaste? What are those things you know you need to take care of but try to ignore? Identifying them is likely the first step. And not beating yourself up too badly is important too. OK, so you are human and you sometimes procrastinate!

Then consider what would be a doable first step to moving you closer to dealing with the task? You sometimes don’t even have to solve the whole problem. Think about what would move you closer to your goal and start there. Just START!

* From Rob Bell’s new podcast, The Robcast Episode 1, January 11, 2015

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/13/toothpaste/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/13/toothpaste/044: Independencehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/ecmH6SfGqoU/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/04/044-independence/#respondMon, 04 Jul 2016 17:53:02 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2684As The United States of America celebrates its birthday, Jack Woloshun & Dr. Deb thought it a good time to discuss various types of dependence and independence we have in relationships.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/04/044-independence/feed/0As The United States of America celebrates its birthday, Jack Woloshun & Dr. Deb thought it a good time to discuss various types of dependence and independence we have in...As The United States of America celebrates its birthday, Jack Woloshun & Dr. Deb thought it a good time to discuss various types of dependence and independence we have in...Get Control of Your Life37:25http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/07/04/044-independence/Lessons From A Puphttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/hbFpVf5mmOw/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/29/lessons-from-a-pup/#respondWed, 29 Jun 2016 20:03:09 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2667I got a puppy. I’ve had dogs before, but they were older rescue dogs, so this is my first adventure into being a puppy mom.

Izzy, as she was to be called a few days after we met, was only 6-weeks old and 4.2 pounds (1.9 kilos). In only ten days, she has gained 1.8 pounds and learned so much!

I also try to learn from life’s experiences, so learning from the new pup is no exception.

Everything is new. Like human babies, puppies come into the world knowing not much. Therefore, everything is a learning opportunity! Izzy has been challenging me to look at life through new eyes.

What do I notice that I’ve been blind to before or haven’t “seen” in awhile?

How can I see things from a new perspective?

What might I do in order to see with fresh eyes?

What can I learn today?

Life is an adventure. It’s amazing how much entertainment, exercise and learning can come out of the smallest thing like a toilet roll! A simple piece of round cardboard functions as a teething ring, exercise equipment, toy and something to be conquered!

What new adventure might I try? Doing the same things put you in a rut. Literally, doing the same thing over and over creates ruts in the brain.

Puppies lick up love (literally). They are not afraid of affection, praise or compliments. In fact, they thrive on them. Anyone who has successfully trained a puppy or raised a child knows that love and affirmation are key in teaching discipline. Nothing says, “Don’t pee in the house,” like a reward of affection outside in the grass.

Are people loving and affirming me in ways I’m ignoring?

What keeps me from accepting compliments?

Puppies give love. I once heard this prayer: “God help me be the person my dog thinks I am.” Puppies are not yet hard from the pain of the world. They haven’t yet been disappointed, mistreated or otherwise hurt.

How can I return to that innocent place where I live as one who hasn’t been battered by the storms of life?

How can I find renewed grace to love and respect everyone?

They are full of life; puppies run and play like there’s no tomorrow. They go flat out until there is nothing left and then collapse for a nap, only to be restored for the next round of fun!

How can I work against a culture that says to get old is to get lazy? Where might I look to find new energy?

What new friends or experiences might help me gain a new passion for life?

Sure puppies are still learning discipline, leave little puddles around the house, are annoying to older members of their species, and are a stinking lot of work for those who have given them a forever home.

But they also have so very much to teach and give to us…if only we have eyes to see.

http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/29/lessons-from-a-pup/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/29/lessons-from-a-pup/043: Find Your Day 2http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/HLiUndkeHYY/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/12/043-find-your-day-2/#respondSun, 12 Jun 2016 19:42:08 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2659Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are when you’re born and the day you find out why.” In struggling to work through her own pain and purpose, Victoria Jeffs spent 10 years researching how to live a healthy life and designed a course to help others.

Jeff’s passion for individuals to discover their purpose & impact their communities has led to the CrossRoads course tp be taught to High School students, Alternative Schools, Habitat for Humanity clients, Prison Re-entry, Workforce, Veterans, Social Services, Refugee Programs, Educators, Family development, Parenting, victims of PTSD, Business Start-ups, Faith organizations, and Corporate Leadership & Management.

Listen as Jeffs shares key principles to living a healthy and fruitful life. All Get Control podcasts are also available on iTunes and via the Stitcher App for Android & Windows phones and tablets.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/12/043-find-your-day-2/feed/0Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are when you’re born and the day you find out why.” In struggling to work through her own pain...Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are when you’re born and the day you find out why.” In struggling to work through her own pain...Get Control of Your Life59:09http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/12/043-find-your-day-2/Craphttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/toYgeNniuE4/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/08/crap/#respondWed, 08 Jun 2016 17:04:26 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2651Crap has really been on my mind this week.

First of all, toilet water backed up into my bathtub. When I saw the brown water, I knew I had a problem and I suspected it was time to get my sewer line cleaned out. Because I have an old house with underground clay tiles for disposing of wastewater, tree roots grow into the pipe looking for moisture. Then every year or two, the roots become too much and I have to have the pipes rooted (cleaned) out.

But this time was different. This time the rooter technician found a blockage and recommended I get a camera inspection. So the next day, a tiny camera on the end of a cable descended into the pipe and revealed the problems. Tiles had caved in and created blockages requiring a whole new sewer line.

The problems became more evident when excavation began. Crews dug down to the pipes, even descending some 8 feet (more than 2 meters) below street level. They found that some pipes were not where they thought they were. They could only devise an appropriate solution after they dug down and uncovered the mess.

Like buried pipes, we have a lot of stuff deep in our personalities that is not evident until we dig down. And when we do, we often find things are not as we thought they were.

On the surface, we feel the results of buried problems, but don’t have the full perspective of the location or causes. It’s only when we dig do we get an accurate perspective.

When my toilet backed up, all I knew is that I had a problem. I could see the murky water. I could smell that all was not well. I could have ignored the problem, but the crappy water would continue to rise.

My default was to do what I’d always done before; get the sewer rooted out.

But this time was different.In order to solve the problem and go forward, I would need to let crews diagnose the problem, dig, replace pipes, and upgrade connections to get things flowing as they should. It required a major overhaul of the system(and a pricey one at that)!

We experience problems with our finances, health, relationships, careers, spirituality…every aspect of life. It’s only when we are willing to dig down and accurately diagnose the causes can we move forward and stop the cycle of blockages.

What are the areas of your life where you feel blocked or backed up?

What would it take to shine a lighted camera into the deepest, darkest places of your life?

Are you willing to do the work and pay the price to experience a free flow of life? (If I hadn’t been willing to give crews access and fork out the money, I would still have a big problem.)

Unfortunately these are not one-time questions. Oh how I wish there was a one-time solution like getting a new sewer line.

But life is a journey, and problems and issues continue to surface throughout.

This I know. Each time I dig down, do the hard work of the soul, and deal with my crap, my life gets better. I get healthier. My relationships improve. I made wiser decisions.

There is a concept in many religious circles called “sin.” People have different definitions. Some say sin is anything that separates you from God. Others would extend that to people also—as in sin separates you from others.

I think sin is anything that steals shalom—life as God intended for me and the universe—when everything works as it should.

I once heard that sin is like being in a manure pile and wallowing in it. Imagine falling into the pit of a slimy, stinky outhouse and liking it. Not only do you wiggle around in it, but like a pig in its own waste, you actually enjoy it. Anyone passing by would think you had lost your mind!

Yet we continue to wallow in our own crap, wondering why we don’t get ahead, find relief or know contentment.

We need a good cleaning out from time to time.

Be willing to deal with your crap.When you do, though it may be a terrible process, you will be so much better afterwards.

Now as I finish this post (I kid you not) I’m off for a colonoscopy.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/08/crap/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/06/08/crap/042: Mauricio in Cubahttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/J73DBnwOkDE/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/05/29/042-mauricio-in-cuba/#respondSun, 29 May 2016 17:02:25 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2647During a recent trip to Cuba, I recorded this interview with Mauricio, a young man who wants to be a positive influence in the future of his nation. As a graphic designer, Mauricio and other volunteers produce a small magazine for young people. He also helps develop young people in other ways by introducing them to critical thinking and resources that help them connect to ideas and healthy ways of living. Be inspired by Mauricio’s life and hear some fascinating inside knowledge of life inside Cuba during this historic time.Mauricio & colleagues in Havana

Thank you for your patience as the audio quality on this one is not up to our standards. Like everyone who lives in Cuba, we had to be creative and make due with what we had.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/05/29/042-mauricio-in-cuba/feed/0During a recent trip to Cuba, I recorded this interview with Mauricio, a young man who wants to be a positive influence in the future of his nation. As a graphic...During a recent trip to Cuba, I recorded this interview with Mauricio, a young man who wants to be a positive influence in the future of his nation. As a graphic...Get Control of Your Life35:49http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/05/29/042-mauricio-in-cuba/Legacyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/xKsOISv1eZM/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/05/02/legacy/#respondTue, 03 May 2016 03:57:23 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2628What will you leave behind?

That was the focus of a discussion led by my good friend Jack Woloshun. We were there to talk about the many crossroads in life and the people with whom we share the journey.

Have you thought about what you would like to leave behind? What will remain once your flesh and bones no longer walk this earth? How will you be remembered?

To demonstrate what’s possible, Jack pulled out a book his daughter assembled for his 60th birthday. She had contacted the many family and friends from Jack’s life and invited them to express their sentiments.

The words were anything but shallow, very unlike canned drugstore greeting cards. Rather they were lengthy letters of affection, memories and hope for the future. Jack only read 3 or 4 letters from the book, but what he shared demonstrated what it means to leave a legacy.

Jack has spent his life giving to others; he has chosen to be a giver instead of a taker.

The letters reflect a lifetime of memories, influence and impact. I think that is what it’s all about.

Legacy is something you may or may not have thought of; I think the answer is likely dependent on your age and to what extent you consider your life in the grand scheme of humankind.

Legacy is not about leaving a hospital or street with your name stamped on. It’s not about things you did that elevated your ego. It’s not about how many toys you collected. It’s not even about how much money you left to charities or your kids.

Legacy is fundamentally about who you are. Your legacy is a replica of how you live your life every day.

What would happen if people were asked to write letters about their memories of you?What would they say about how much you meant to them? What would they have to say about how you impacted their lives?

“Greatness is not achieved on accident; greatness is achieved on purpose.”So says Crossroads creator, Victoria Jeffs.*

Or as author, Richard Rohr says, “How you do anything is how you do everything.”

Every day we get to decide who we want to be. We are not defined by our past. But our present and our future ARE defined on how we live today.

Think not only about who you are, but who you want to be, and what you want to leave behind. Then consider how will you make that happen.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/05/02/legacy/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/05/02/legacy/Make a Differencehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/6n90BgGyuek/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/26/make-a-difference/#respondTue, 26 Apr 2016 19:24:54 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2620Do you long to make a difference but find it harder than it seems? Here’s a lovely guest article by Amy Roemer that may convince you it’s easier than you think:

On a recent cross-country trip, my family stopped in the tiny village of Folsom in northern New Mexico. The ranching community only has 55 inhabitants and almost no businesses, a shadow of what it used to be. Once it had the largest stockyards north of Fort Worth, Texas, but the town never recovered after a devastating catastrophe.

It’s such a small place that when we arrived, we had to call a number to get the museum unlocked. The docent came and was so proud of the museum’s legacy that she eagerly shared local stories.

We expected the museum to be about the primitive Folsom people, one of the earliest people groups in North America, but we were in for a surprise! We saw many antiques—from milk jugs and saddles to a dynamite detonator—from the founding and pioneer days in the late 1800s. Many of these were tagged with information—whose house it came from, and which family member had donated it. The sense of community was strong.

But what struck us was learning about Sally Rooke—who was the local telephone switchboard operator—and how she made a difference during the Dry Cimarron River flood of 1908.

Miss Sally received a call that a massive wall of water was heading down the canyon toward Folsom. She started calling friends and neighbors, warning them to head for higher ground. Eventually, the flood hit and wiped out the town. Sally was washed away from her post at the switchboard; her body was found some 12 miles down river along with livestock and only 16 others. Her phone calls that day saved many, many lives.

As we headed home, it struck me; even 50 miles from Folsom, no one would have likely ever heard of Sally Rooke. And yet, more than 100 years later, the descendants of her town still revere Miss Sally for her sacrifice that saved their grandparents’ lives.

She literally saved the town. Sally made a difference.

Click on image to enlarge

I have to ask myself: How can I make a difference where I live?

I don’t have to change the world; that’s way too big a task for me.

Sally didn’t save the world; she simply did her job and thereby rescued her friends.

What can you do right where you live?It doesn’t have to be huge. It could be just doing your job to the best of your ability. It could be taking food to a sick friend. It could be truly asking your neighbor, “How are you doing?”

We all have multiple opportunities to make a difference every day. Most of the time, it’s a matter of being attentive and being present when it counts. And everything counts.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/26/make-a-difference/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/26/make-a-difference/All That Jazzhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/cIUwBhgfOPo/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/20/all-that-jazz/#respondWed, 20 Apr 2016 16:08:18 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2125April is jazz appreciation month, which the Smithsonian (a U.S. National Museum) calls both a historic and living American art form. Since jazz is the most free and flexible of all musical genres, this seems like a good time to examine those characteristics in our lives.

I think that’s what many people find so fascinating about the musical form. It is by nature, open. It’s open to ideas, changes, improvisation, expression, collaboration, and creativity.

I find it interesting that in playing jazz, a musician can be both part of something, yet unique at the same time. There is the whole, but there is the distinctiveness of individuals.

But some people don’t like freethinking, creative expression, or new ideas. No wonder jazz was outlawed in various times and places like Nazi Germany. The Soviets didn’t outlaw it, but they openly criticized it. Even in the U.S., at least 60 communities banned jazz from being played in public dance halls in the 1920s.

One has to ask what people were afraid of! Which begs the question, what you YOU afraid of?

Like much great art, jazz came out of tremendous suffering. It is the product of slavery, oppression, and struggle.

Sounds like the great themes of life, doesn’t it? Sometimes we are tempted to let the hard knocks of life close us down and make us hard. But if we let tough times change us, we can actually become more open, honest and trusting, and graduate to a new level of personal maturity.

If musicians had been satisfied to maintain the status quo, we would never have experienced jazz. Rather, many transformed their pain and struggle into life, beauty, and openness; they continue to give the world jazz.

What are you doing with your pain and struggles?

One of my favorite quotes is by Princeton professor and author of Living and Loving Outloud, Cornel West: “We have to be jazz musicians of the mind, able to improvise, think new thoughts, capture the rhythm and find our voices.”

Sounds like a perfectly suitable philosophy for Get Control Of Your Life!

As you continue to traverse the great journey of life, may you have renewed inspiration and energy to improvise, think new thoughts, capture the rhythm, and find your voice!

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/20/all-that-jazz/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/20/all-that-jazz/041: Changing Your Mindsethttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/uq1JE4791Qk/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/15/041-changing-your-mindset/#commentsSat, 16 Apr 2016 00:25:31 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2609A lovely chat about relationships, theology, the universe, kids, mistakes, regrets, struggles, personal worth, turning a life around, finding positivity and purpose. Laura Thompson is a wife, mother, and owner of small businesses. Mostly she’s a happy, peaceful, articulate, fun and normal person who thinks about what is real and good and is trying to live life to the best she can.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/15/041-changing-your-mindset/feed/1A lovely chat about relationships, theology, the universe, kids, mistakes, regrets, struggles, personal worth, turning a life around, finding positivity and purpose. Laura Thompson is a wife, mother, and owner of...A lovely chat about relationships, theology, the universe, kids, mistakes, regrets, struggles, personal worth, turning a life around, finding positivity and purpose. Laura Thompson is a wife, mother, and owner of...Get Control of Your Life32:19http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/15/041-changing-your-mindset/Tea & Consenthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/51m2Q9-OaNw/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/13/tea-consent/#respondWed, 13 Apr 2016 15:17:08 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2605Leave it to the Brits to come up with a clever message about sexual consent. Here is a little video used by British police to explain safe sexual boundaries using a most British staple, tea.

We tend to have a view of ourselves we think is accurate and complete. However, it’s just not true.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/05/know-thyself/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/05/know-thyself/Fear or Love?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/eZyKDKTg5gY/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/04/fear-or-love/#respondMon, 04 Apr 2016 19:14:18 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2591Every now and then you stumble upon a life-defining truth that is simple yet profound. I found such a concept in Neale Donald Walsch’s book, Conversations with God. I hope you too find it helpful in sorting out your motivations and actions.

“Every action taken by human beings is based in love or fear, not simply those dealing with relationships. Decisions affecting business, industry, politics, religion, the education of your young, the social agenda of your nations, the economic goals of your society, choices involving war, peace, attack, defense, aggression, submission; determinations to covet or give away, to save or to share, to unite or to divide—every single free choice you ever undertake arises out of one of the only two possible thoughts there are: a thought of love or a thought of fear.

Every human thought, word, deed is based in one emotion or the other. You have no choice about this, because there is nothing else from which to choose. But you have free choice about which of these to select.”

So I ask along with the great wisdom of the universe. Will you think and act from a place of fear or love?

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/03/do-it-anyway/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/04/03/do-it-anyway/What is Easter, really?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/yMT7dP5hPLg/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/26/361/#commentsSat, 26 Mar 2016 16:00:41 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=361According to The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy (Hirsch, Kett & Trefil, 1988), Easter is a holiday that every American needs to know about.

Easter is a social construct, too. That’s right; it is a made-up holiday celebrated differently by diverse people around the world. It’s considered a most holy day, along with Christmas, for Christ-followers, but people make up how they choose to celebrate it.

When I first read Berger and Luckmann’s landmark social science book, The Social Construction of Reality: A Treatise in the Sociology of Knowledge, I had a hard time accepting that much of our reality is socially constructed. I am a huge proponent of free will. But as time went on, I realized the theory holds much truth. How we live life—largely what we believe and why we believe it—is passed on to us culturally.

That’s right, we make stuff up! We make up our culture, values, customs, ways of life, language, and to a large extent, our thought patterns. For the most part, we accept what we grew up with. We live life through social constructs

I contend that the social construction of reality is not a bad thing, and does not make the reality behind a celebration or practice any less true.

Easter is not just a holy day, it is a holy season. Coinciding with spring in the northern hemisphere, (where most of our Easter traditions came from), it follows a 40-day period called Lent, which since ancient times has been set aside as a season of penance and reflection, where believers are encouraged to make sacrifices and engage in acts of goodness. In this way, Christians are prepared to remember the sacrificial death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ who was both God and man in one being. Lent culminates in Holy Week, which starts with Palm Sunday (remembering Christ’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem), then continues with Maundy Thursday (remembering the Passover supper Jesus had with his disciples and his washing of their feet), and Good Friday (remembering when Christ was executed), and finally celebrating Easter, when Christ rose from the dead.

Lenten and Easter practices seem to be very ancient. In his “History of Lent” (2002), Fr. Saunders cited a letter to the Pope written in A.D. 203 commenting on the differences between how Easter was celebrated in the East and West: “The dispute is not only about the day, but also about the actual character of the fast. Some think that they ought to fast for one day, some for two, others for still more; some make their ‘day’ last 40 hours on end. Such variation in the observance did not originate in our own day, but very much earlier, in the time of our forefathers.”

Many Christian customs were either borrowed from other religions or simply made up. The use of incense, visual depictions (crosses, crucifixes, icons, painting, sculptures), church architecture and many other things were used to help people connect to God. As someone pointed out, the use of “bells” and “smells” helped illiterate congregants throughout history connect with a God who isn’t tangible.

Like the rest of the church calendar, dates were set aside to remind Christ-followers of many of the important aspects of the New Testament, which chronicles the life of Jesus and the beginnings of the early church. Other “holy days,” which we have come to call “holidays,” include Advent and Christmas (leading up to and celebrating the birth of Christ), Epiphany (celebrating the incarnation of Christ and the visit by the Magi), and Pentecost (remembering the outpouring of God’s spirit on early believers shortly after Christ’s return to God the Father).

A basic tenant of Christianity is that God is made up of three distinct persons, designated Father, Jesus the Christ, and the Holy Spirit. These three do not exist or operate in an authoritarian structure, but by relationship and communication.

Unlike Christmas, that has a fixed date, Easter is celebrated on different dates each year, according to a lunar-based calendar. Easter coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover, when Jews remember how God delivered them from the captivity and oppression of Egypt under Moses’ leadership. In fact, the word for Easter in several languages is the same as Passover: Paque in French, and Pasch or Pasqua in Spanish. Jesus was crucified in Jerusalem just after Passover.

It was the Council of Nicea in A.D. 325 that decided when to celebrate Easter. Since then, Easter is fixed on the Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox (the first day of spring). The Eastern Orthodox Church uses the same formula, but bases theirs on the Julian calendar instead of the Gregorian.

Medieval Europeans developed the passion play, a dramatic rendition of biblical stories such as the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. In the mid 1200s, one such play was performed at Muri Abbey in Switzerland, giving rise to the religious drama. Even today, the passion play at Oberammergau, Germany is performed for thousands every ten years; the next season will be in 2020. One American production is called The Thorn, which is now performed each Lent in multiple cities. A trailer can be seen here: http://thethorn.net

Today, Easter is celebrated differently in various parts of the world. The English like to roll eggs, Greeks roast a lamb or goat on an open spitfire, and Filipinos take part in bloody crucifixion reenactments. A German man named Volker Kraft decorates his apple tree with 10,000 Easter eggs, something he’s been doing for the past 49 years. His decorated tree attracts thousands of visitors each year. (See cover photo.)

Colombians eat iguana, turtle and large rodents. Armenians eat eggs with herbs and rice pilaf with raisins. Russians make Passover bread and decorate wooden eggs. Americans eat ham and color chicken eggs; they also send cards, purchase a lot of chocolate, hide candy eggs for children, and go to church (more than any other day). Like Christmas and Valentine’s Day, Easter has become big business for the retail industry. Leave it to Madison Avenue and Chinese industry to make any holiday profitable!

The origin of bunny rabbits and eggs as Easter icons is uncertain. Certainly Easter is also about celebrating spring, when the earth emerges from the cold and dark prison of winter and life is once again restored. Some use the egg analogy (cracking it to find what’s edible) to describe Jesus escaping the tomb. Pagan, or social constructed traditions have been mixed with the Christian holiday. But in a very real sense, someone at various points in history made up all these traditions. It is human to create rituals in order to understand and experience greater realities.

During Holy Week, the Pope leads several events throughout the Week at The Vatican. Last year, Pope Francis—who promises to shake things up—took the Papal tradition of washing a dozen men’s feet and included two women! No Pope has ever washed women’s feet before, so the act sent shock waves around the world. I think I like this guy! “Washing your feet,” Pope Francis said, to Muslim and Christian juveniles at a detention center, “means I am at your service.” Then he added, “Help one another. This is what Jesus teaches us.”

Religious leaders are debating how appropriate the foot washing gesture was. For sure Pharisees and Sadducees (the religious power brokers in Jesus’ day) would have said the same of Jesus’ same act. I think it is profound to think that Jesus, the smartest and most powerful human who ever lived, washed his follower’s nasty, filthy, stinky, calloused feet. He didn’t use his power to dominate, but rather to serve and empower others.

How will you celebrate Easter? Will you commemorate it by worshipping with like-minded people of faith? Spend the day in contemplation? Watch a biblical film? Read the story of Christ’s sacrifice? Spend the day with the friends and relatives God has gifted you with?

Although HOW we celebrate is socially constructed, the Truth behind the holiday itself is as real as it gets.God came down, lived with humankind, and sacrificed His life. The story is one of hope, regeneration, forgiveness, selflessness, redemption and immeasurable love.

Whatever you do, create a holy day that is significant for you and those around you. God made you a creative being, with freedom to create traditions that mean something to you. Through it, ask God to move you, change you, and as Pope Francis challenged all people, use the season to step outside yourself. He said this Holy Week, “is not so much a time of sorrow, but rather a time to enter into Christ’s way of thinking and acting.”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/26/361/feed/2http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/26/361/What Does It Mean?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/BtfOBwYnKqQ/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/26/what-does-it-mean/#respondSat, 26 Mar 2016 14:00:26 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2099These few days are undoubtedly the most important in the Christian calendar; they are centerpieces of the faith.

But there is no one-way to view the death and resurrection of Jesus the Christ. That said, I think it’s important to think about.

I contend that how you view Jesus’ death and resurrection reflects on your view of God and how you related to the Divine.

In his book, Across the Spectrum: Understanding issues in Evangelical Theology, Greg Boyd and Paul Eddy devote an entire chapter on “The Atonement Debate.” There they outline the three main perspectives:

The Christus Victor View (Christ destroyed Satan and his works)

The Penal Substitution View (Christ dies in our place)

The Moral Government View (Christ displayed God’s wrath against sin)

Here, in a nutshell, is an overview of these perspectives. Then I will make a case for something more simplistic that may work even better for you.

According to Boyd and Eddy, the Christus Victor view was the most popular until the Middle Ages. It was based on the idea that, “Jesus’ death and resurrection defeated Satan and thus set humankind free from his oppressive rule” (Boyd & Eddy, p. 114).

Later John Calvin and Martin Luther developed the Penal Substitution view, that Jesus took on the punishment that humankind deserved. One must understand, however, that Calvin was an attorney, so he saw everything in legal terms. For him, there was a debt to be paid, and Jesus paid it. The problem I have with this view is that it turns our relationship with God into a transaction. A transaction is that I put down money at the store and I get to take the milk home. However, everything about scripture tells me that God is interested in transformation, not transactions. Money buys stuff. Love transforms.

The Moral Government view is that Jesus’ death and resurrection was meant to get our attention and teach us how to love—to inspire us to holy and right living, in order to uphold his moral government of the universe. I think this relates well to the Jewish tradition of the sacrificial lamb.

To celebrate Passover, families would fetch a cute little lamp from the field, and bring it to live in the house for a few days. Then, just when the kids had become attached to the cuddly little thing, the parents would kill the animal, spread blood on the doorposts, and cook the meat. It was meant to make the reality of sin and death very real to all involved. The injustice of it all must have been shocking.

However you view these few days, and whatever theological perspective you think best fits, I offer one last idea articulated recently by Franciscan, Richard Rohr.

Rohr quoted John Duns Scotus (a Scot who was one of the most influential philosopher/theologians in the Middle Ages; he lived 1266-1308); Scotus disagreed that any debt was owed (to God or the devil) (views most present-day Evangelicals hold).

Scotus basically believed that “Jesus did not come to change the mind of God about humanity (it did not need changing)! [Rather] Jesus came to change the mind of humanity about God.”*

This I know in my heart of hearts. God the father is not the angry member of the Godhead that has to be appeased by Jesus, the nice guy. Jesus said he represented the Divine; that’s good enough for me. There is no difference between the different members.

God the Father is not sitting in heaven (pissed off) with a big stick, ready to wack you, only to be stopped by Jesus who took the beating.

Jesus willingly became flesh to show us the way—the way to love, the way to forgive, the way to live. And he came to redeem all of life, not just our souls.

When you consider the unfathomable love of God to restore relationship with us, and all that has gone wrong, Easter then becomes a celebration of a massive, cosmic effort to put all things right.

How cool is that?

God does not love you because you are good; God loves you because God is good.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/26/what-does-it-mean/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/26/what-does-it-mean/The Invitation of Gracehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/1MfyVzRbp5s/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/24/the-invitation-of-grace/#respondThu, 24 Mar 2016 19:13:53 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2580The follow is a devotional from Monday, March 21, 2016 written by Richard Rohr, founder and director of Center for Action and Contemplation. His writings are always good, and some just have to be shared.

“As I shared earlier this year, the Bible is “a text in travail.” Sometimes the biblical writers catch a glimpse of God’s true character–love, mercy, and justice–and sometimes they lose sight of it. Old Testament scholar and theologian Walter Brueggemann traces the evolution of human consciousness through three sections of Hebrew Scriptures: the Torah (the five books of the Pentateuch), the Prophets, and the Wisdom literature (including Job, the Psalms, Song of Songs, and Ecclesiastes). Just as children must begin with structure and rules, religion starts with setting boundaries, rituals, and rules about who is in and who is out. It’s all about protecting the status quo, our tribal and egoic identity. But eventually we have to develop the capacity for self-criticism, as the prophets did, which is the necessary second stage. If we do both of these stages well, we will normally be catapulted toward wisdom and holiness.

Another way to look at this is a series of Order > Disorder > Reorder. Most conservatives get trapped in the first step and most liberals get stuck in the second. Healthy religion is all about getting you to the third, Reorder. There is no nonstop flight. You must learn the wisdom of both the first and second stages before moving on. Much of the chaos and instability of our time stems from many young and sophisticated people now beginning life in the second stage of Disorder and criticism, without first learning deeply from Order. It appears to be a disaster. The three stages must be in proper sequence for life to unfold somewhat naturally.

Throughout Scripture, even in the first books of the Torah, there are wisdom statements such as this: “I will do the work for you; you only need to be still” (see Exodus 14:14). From the very beginning, we see the message of divine grace forming. But the biblical stories quickly move back into legalism and priest craft, painting a picture of God as demanding “smells and bells” and purity and debt codes. Sometimes in the same paragraph you’ll read an absolutely enlightening line that just oozes with grace, and the next line is punitive, accusatory, and shame-based. Grace and fear keep taking turns on center stage. This is how life is for each of us, if we’re honest.

The Bible clearly affirms law, authority, and tradition, as most literature in history has done, but then it does something different and even rare: it affirms reform, change, and the voiceless. The Bible idealizes the victim, contrary to most of the world’s stories and histories. Think of David and Goliath, the story of a young boy victorious over a giant. Yet when that boy becomes a king, the prophet Nathan chastises and corrects him. The biblical text keeps self-correcting. This is what makes the Bible an inspired book. It reveals an alternative consciousness; it critiques itself.

This is the necessary Disorder that keeps all Order from becoming idolatrous and self-serving. The prophets always present Israel with “The Great However” that stops them in their tracks. This “but” dispels any idealization of perfect order, any so-called normal, forcing the people to recognize their own hypocrisy and phony self-interest. The prophets help them see that they are using religion to worship themselves and not Yahweh. Prophetic criticism is never good news for pretenders and opportunists–which is just about all of us until we learn the compassion, mercy, and forgiveness that Disorder teaches us.

In my mind, liberation theology, the Prophets, and the view from the side of pain, is absolutely necessary to move us into the third stage of true Wisdom. To pass through to Wisdom, we need to experience a major humiliation to our ego. This often comes through suffering or failure–anything that brings us to readiness before Grace and Mystery. But that very desire for grace and God is best created by an initial experience of love, order, meaning, purpose, and direction. The easiest path of growing up spiritually, and in many ways the most natural, is to start with some “law and order.” Then we must critically recognize that Order cannot solve all or even most problems, especially pain and suffering.Finally, without rejecting either Order or Disorder, grace will move you toward God’s Reorder. This is enlightened awareness, which is not nearly as common as we would like.”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/24/the-invitation-of-grace/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/24/the-invitation-of-grace/Mama Knows Besthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/SmFHJCa6ZVw/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/23/mama-knows-best/#respondWed, 23 Mar 2016 19:27:29 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2572“Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season; you have to know which is which. And you always gonna mess up when you mix up those seasonal people with lifetime expectations.”

So says Tyler Perry’s mama character, Medea, in this clip from one of his stage plays.

Staying in character for this entire 5-minute clip, mama Media gives some of the most sound advice on relationships you will hear anywhere.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/23/mama-knows-best/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/23/mama-knows-best/040: Pushing Through Painhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/ETDlJrnDU9M/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/14/040-pushing-through-pain/#respondMon, 14 Mar 2016 21:55:14 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2564What do you do when you’re hurting? Do you self medicate? Try to ignore it? Talk to someone? Fall apart?

We all experience all kinds of pain througout our lives. In this episode, personal developer Jack Woloshun sits down again with Dr. Deb to discuss strategies for responding to pain and practical steps to ensure that we not only recover, but grow through the process.

Quotes mentioned:

“Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.” – Basketball coach, John Wooden.

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” – John C. Maxwell

How you do anything is how you do everything.” – Franciscan Richard Rohr

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/14/040-pushing-through-pain/feed/0What do you do when you’re hurting? Do you self medicate? Try to ignore it? Talk to someone? Fall apart? We all experience all kinds of pain througout our lives....What do you do when you’re hurting? Do you self medicate? Try to ignore it? Talk to someone? Fall apart? We all experience all kinds of pain througout our lives....Get Control of Your Life42:02http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/14/040-pushing-through-pain/How do you start your day?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/AYaTOoEETpE/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/11/how-do-you-start-your-day/#respondSat, 12 Mar 2016 01:27:39 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2557“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” So said author, pastor and leadership guru, John C. Maxwell.

We all have a morning routine. Of course it includes things like brushing your teeth, getting dressed and enjoying your favorite beverage. For some it also includes getting the kids ready, making lunches and ensuring everyone has what they need for the day.

No matter who you are or what roles you rill, you need time to quiet your soul. And how you start your day can determine not only how your day goes, but how your life goes too.

I used to get up and turn on the television to hear the morning news. But what I found over time that it was a terrible way to start my day. The chatter and stress of world events set me up to carry noise in my head throughout the day.

What I discovered was key to changing my behavior. I realized that how I start my day influences the rest of the day…and my life.

We all have to find our own path—our own routine and practices that work for us.

I want to share what has worked well for me. Reflect. Read. Resolve.

Reflect – A mark of our fast-paced “always on” lives is that we forget to take time to be silent and reflect. My morning routine involves making a lovely espresso drink and sitting in my favorite chair. I reflect on recent events, issues I’m dealing with, and the status of my relationships and goals. It means being silent and giving myself space to just be, think, process and feel. I give myself permission to just reflect.

Read –I’ve had a reading routine for years. Sometimes I read the bible (and even then in different order and with different goals). Other times I read devotionals or books that are life giving and speak to where I’m at in my journey. I often quote a favorite truth once spoken by the famous American basketball coach John Wooden. He said “Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.”

Resolve – As I sit in silence, I resolve what kind of person I want to be and how I want my day to go. This is a time to evaluate how things are going, what has worked and not worked, and what changes I need to make. It’s a good time to think about my goals and priorities for the day, and how I want to be a better person.

My favorite Franciscan, Richard Rohr, often says, “How you do anything is how you do everything.”

By becoming a more contemplative, intentional person, I can change how I do everything.

So how do you start your day?

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/11/how-do-you-start-your-day/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/11/how-do-you-start-your-day/Friendshiphttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/ERBNAU8pl5E/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/01/friendship/#respondTue, 01 Mar 2016 18:28:06 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2548Do you have good friends? I really mean outrageously committed, better-than-you, willing-to-go-the-mile friends who love you at your best AND your worst?

I often reflect on my life that has been so enriched with quality and diverse people. Yet the longer I live, I get to experience even more awesomely unconditional, profound levels of friendship. Every time I think I’ve reach the pinnacle of what friendships can be, I find another level.

I was recently going through some particularly deep, troubling and emotionally disturbing issues. The cool thing is I didn’t have to go through them alone.

I met with several close friends who helped me talk through and walk through intense pain, helping me come to new levels of freedom and release.

But how seldom we allow ourselves to go to such depth.

In my recent crisis, I was desperate, as the issues I faced were a long-time coming and connected to years of “stuff.”

Isn’t that when we reach out? It’s often in the pain and suffering that we come to the end our ourselves and find ourselves in the arms of loving friends who not only comfort us, but help us graduate to the next level.

I am blown away that so many people love me. They really, really love me.

This makes me reflect on what had to be in place for that to happen.

Have friends who are better than you. Don’t always be the smartest, most loving or wisest one in the room.

Invest in others. Love them. Be generous with them. When you are in need, you’ll likely be surprised who steps up to love on you.

Be vulnerable and open. When we open to others who are worthy of our trust, they can help us navigate the sinkholes of life.

Face your shit. We all have crap in our lives. But stuffing it or hiding it from others only wounds us further.

Be a friend. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The way to have a friend is to be one.”

Be real and let others be real with you.

Accept friendship. Don’t be one of those who drives people away.

Don’t be afraid to show emotion. Occasionally we all need to swear, yell or cry. You are human, so it’s ok so express human emotion.

Magnificent sunsets can take your breath away.

Creative expression can transport you to another place.

But healthy friendships will make you and the world better in every way.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/01/friendship/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/03/01/friendship/Escaping Pleasantvillehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/qGHZRDH2LCs/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/29/escaping-pleasantville/#respondTue, 01 Mar 2016 00:25:24 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2545“Unless there is some pressure, social or parental, pushing [an] infant the beyond pleasure principle, human nature tends to largely take the path of least resistance. We really do need prods, goads, ideals to help us think outside of the little boxes we all create for ourselves.” So said Franciscan and spiritual leader, Richard Rohr.

We only know what we know. Unfortunately, we don’t know what we don’t know.

If someone grows up in a house where daddy beats mommy everyday, the kids just thinks is normal. We naturally think that what we experience is what is real; it just is, and until we are exposed to an alternative, we think it’s normal.

So unless we are exposed to different ways of thinking and living, we are destined to repeat the realities we previously experienced.

Too often we prefer to live in the certainty (but very small town) of Pleasantville than face the uncertainty of a really big world full of wonderfulness.

Pleasantville is a film released in 1998 about two modern-day kids who escape into the idealist 1950’s, black and white town of Pleasantville.

Unfortunately, we are often destined to do the same things over and over, expecting a different outcome, or maybe even happy with the same ole same ole.

We get stuck, really stuck. A car stuck in the mud is useless. Muscles that are unused atrophy; they become dead weight. And a world that never changes succumbs to chaos and death.

Do you really want a piece of you to die everyday? Do you want to grow increasingly irrelevant? Do you want to be the person you are today to be the you in ten years?

Change can be scary. We fear the unknown. We fear what we don’t understand.

But this I know, remaining in winter is a terrible thing. If spring never came, we would never get to enjoy new life, pretty flowers and the warmth on our skin.

A moving car is much easier to steer than a parked one.

So what do you need to get moving again?

Read a new book? Make new friends? Try new experiences? Work out the dark places of your soul?

This I know. I don’t know what I don’t know. So putting myself out there is almost always a really, really good thing.

To some extent, we all have areas of our lives that are lived in black and white.

Go find the color. Escape Pleasantville.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/29/escaping-pleasantville/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/29/escaping-pleasantville/039: Get Past Stuckhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/A9dw6Bsju54/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/15/039-get-past-stuck/#commentsMon, 15 Feb 2016 17:33:10 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2534An interview with Mark Tuggle, author of the new book, Get Past Stuck: How to Take Control of Your Spiritual Journey and Experience Full Life in Christ.

This podcast is for anyone who not only feels stuck, but also anyone who is questioning beliefs they grew up with or who has thrown out religion all together. The author discusses why church and other institutions keep people from asking hard questions and developing into mature thinkers. He also offers very practical steps in reclaiming your spirituality and developing your own unique faith journey. The book is available in paperback or Kindle version from Amazon.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/15/039-get-past-stuck/feed/1An interview with Mark Tuggle, author of the new book, Get Past Stuck: How to Take Control of Your Spiritual Journey and Experience Full Life in Christ. This podcast is for...An interview with Mark Tuggle, author of the new book, Get Past Stuck: How to Take Control of Your Spiritual Journey and Experience Full Life in Christ. This podcast is for...Get Control of Your Life51:05http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/15/039-get-past-stuck/It is wellhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/JPRPjlm0jMc/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/09/it-is-well/#respondTue, 09 Feb 2016 17:46:14 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2529

Pain. Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Loss.

We all experience the vast range of human emotion. And sometimes our feelings get the best of us.

I recently had a frustrating week. Nothing seemed to go as planned. I felt trapped. I REALLY started to lose perspective.

I have friends going through really bad stuff: life-threatening illness, divorce, economic troubles, and all the other “surprises” life sometimes throws our way.

When we are in the midst of distresses, it often seems impossible to regain sanity and feel normal.We start going down what I call the toilet of despair, that sinking feeling of going in circles and threatening to disappear.

We have our problems. But often, when we glimpse into the troubles of others, we see how relatively insignificant our little problems are and can get a bird’s eye view again.

I’m not minimizing personal struggles or even tragedies. But I do think we sometimes need help adjusting our perspective.

The video below helped me do that.

In my morning devotional a few days ago, I thought about the old hymn that has been so meaningful from time to time.

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.”

So I did a quick Google search to find the song. Then I came across this video. Not only did I get to listen to the beautiful words and music, but I also learned the tragic story of the author.

Horatio Spafford was a prominent lawyer in the 1800s who seemed to have it all…and loose it all. But he never lost his faith. Turns out his lyrics transcend time and space.

I found we share the same birthday. We share a theological position that God’s love transcends human failure, and, in the end, always wins. We also share the human experience.

If you’re struggling, have pain, or simply need an attitude adjustment, watch this short video. I think you will then know, “it is well with my soul.”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/09/it-is-well/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/02/09/it-is-well/For the Birdshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/SVDAOtB-c9o/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/01/11/for-the-birds/#respondTue, 12 Jan 2016 04:15:34 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2522Birds of a feather flock together. The saying came to mind when I recently drove by a park where a couple of hundred Canada geese were resting comfortably in the cold.

Research shows that it’s not only birds that hang out with their own kind. People do too. It’s a myth that opposites attract; in fact, similar do.

Multiple studies and simple observations show this. I even found this when I studied audience reactions to an African film. Even though the film was made in a completely different culture and region, audience members were drawn to the characters and story because of the cultural proximity. One person said, “They’re African like me!” In a time and place lacking locally made films, seeing people like them on a screen was significant.

If you give cameras to budding photography students, and they go and shoot people who look like them. Whites photograph whites. Polynesians photograph Polynesians, etc.

Ask people with whom they socialize and they will likely tell you about friends from their church, neighborhood, work or kid’s school. They tend to be of the same ethnicity, economic strata and education level. They also tend to be the same religion.

We are quite naturally drawn to those who are similar us. But we don’t have to limit ourselves. We are not birds!

We have the sophistication to be driven by factors other than instinct! We have free will, live in complex social networks, and have the ability to create new realities. We can actually rise above the narrow limitations of our social groups and actively seek out new ones. But it takes intentionality.

I used to work with a very close-knit group. Even though group members were spread around the world, we had a pretty narrow set of friends. We hung out with people who thought like us and had the same goals as us.

Even though I made somewhat of an effort to make friends outside the group, it wasn’t until I left the group and intentionally set out to form new social connections that my social networks got really diverse.

While it may be easy to make friends on the playground when we’re five, it is harder at fifty. But it’s possible. It’s SO possible.

Three years ago I started a group that meets in my home twice a month. Everyone knows me, so I’m the obvious touch point they all have in common. But getting to know each other, everyone in the group is enjoying the different personalities, careers, politics and spiritual journeys. It’s been so good for everyone.

As you consider your priorities this year, I hope you’ll decide to widen your exposure, find new friends, and experience life outside your comfort zone.You’ll find yourself escaping your sometimes-narrow perspectives, delighting in thoughts and activities you never knew, and having more influence than you ever imagined. I guarantee your life will be richer. And will so will others.

With the New Year comes lots of attention on starting over and getting things in order. Try finding a parking spot at your local gym! And check out the closet organizing systems on sale in January!

One area worth evaluating is your financial life.

If you’re like me, you need a system to keep track of your income, bills, spending, and budgeting.

For the past four years I’ve used a great piece of software called YNAB, short for You Need A Budget. Even though I’m still working on the budgeting aspect, YNAB has certainly helped me keep better records and track my spending.

Instead of relying on a downloadable software package, YNAB has now become an online tool that connects all of your devices with your banks, credit cards and other financial institutions.Being web-based, it can more easily updated, and improved, and not rely on your precious storage of Dropbox. I can access YNAB on my computer, smart phone or tablet, all perfectly in sync and up-to-date with your banks and each other.

Reconciling is not longer a much-dreaded, tedious process, rather a simple matter of assigning imported expenses to your priorities. YNAB‘s founder, Jesse Meecham, says he and other early adopters of the new YNAB are actually reconciling more often because it’s less work, making them keep on top of their financial activity more than ever.

I am currently taking advantage of a free 34-day trial, using YNAB to sync with my financial institutions and give me a birds-eye view of all my accounts in one screen. No more logging onto separate bank websites to check on balances; I can even see my current mortgage status!

In a nutshell. I LOVE IT! And I’ll be happy to pay the annual fee when my trial expires.

The cost? $50 per year, or $45 per year if you sign up by January 31st. If you’re a current YNAB user, you can take advantage of the discount anytime.

You might be asking if it’s worth it. Personal Finance Software Reviews claims the average user saves $300 the first month just by applying the principles. It has personally helped me eliminate consumer debt.

The heart of YNAB is method. Sure, it’s an online tool, but it’s also a great way to handle money. Here are the rules:

Rule 1: Give every dollar a job. When you receive income, you allocate where it will go. This will allow you to live intentionally, making priorities with your money instead of being the victim of spending (then wondering where your money went).

Rule 2: Embrace your true expenses. This is slightly different than the old rule 2, which was “Save for a rainy day.” Either way, this principle helps you look at your expenses long-term, even those that don’t come every month. This might include things like Christmas gifts, tires and other vehicle maintenance, vacations and that replacement computer you know you will eventually need.

Rule 3: Role with the punches. In other words, you adjust your budget as life happens. There are different ways to handle over-spending in a category, like deducting from another one, or deducting it from next month.

Rule 4: Age your money.This category used to be called, “Living on last month’s income,” but it really implied “Stop living paycheck to paycheck.” YNAB now measures how old your money is on average when you spend it. The idea is to break the habit of spending money as soon as you get it For more on this topic, see the article, How Old Is Your Money?

Having a good system, tracking your spending and being intentional with your money reduces stress.

YNAB has really helpful websites, a blog and podcast (I’ve listened to all 205 episodes), videos, tutorials and even online classes to help you learn the system and realize your goals.

You may think a budget or staying on top of your finances is really limiting. But here’s the bottom line. It’s about aligning your money with your priorities.

So give it a try and see if you don’t lessen your stress, spend less and save more.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/01/06/get-control-of-your-money/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2016/01/06/get-control-of-your-money/resolutions #2http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/HDBZtaQDjUs/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/31/resolutions-2/#respondThu, 31 Dec 2015 14:34:37 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1188In my last article I opined that setting SMART goals is much more systematic and effective than making resolutions.
]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/31/resolutions-2/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/31/resolutions-2/rezəˈlo͞oSHəns #1http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/JLx6RxAAX2M/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/30/rez%c9%99%cb%88lo%cd%9eosh%c9%99ns-part-1/#respondWed, 30 Dec 2015 14:59:35 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1177The dictionary defines a resolution as a firm decision to do or not to do something.

It’s a word that is mostly used this time of year. It’s an abused word.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/30/rez%c9%99%cb%88lo%cd%9eosh%c9%99ns-part-1/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/30/rez%c9%99%cb%88lo%cd%9eosh%c9%99ns-part-1/The Power Of Habithttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/uRxuPW6MOiY/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/29/the-power-of-habit/#respondTue, 29 Dec 2015 18:43:13 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1205My whole life I drove manual transmission cars. Shifting was almost as natural as breathing. I hardly had to think about pushing the clutch with my left foot and changing the gears with my right hand.

It was a habit…that is, until two years ago, when I bought my first automatic.

The funny thing is, I still sometimes reach for the shifter and insist on putting on the emergency brake when I park.

Though driving an automatic car is easier, I still find myself occasionally resorting to old habits.

Habits are like police characters in TV shows. Just like there are good cops and bad cops, there are good habits and bad habits.

Some we want to break; others we want to develop.

By understanding how habits work and what triggers them, we can make conscious changes and get control of our life!

That’s the theory behind, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, by New York Times reporter Charles Duhigg.

I listened to the book over the holidays, which seemed like a timely addition to my toolkit for the new year.

The book is a fascinating study into why we do what we do, with real steps on how to change.

The book isn’t a pipedream; Duhigg read hundreds of studies on habit formation from social science, neuroscience and psychology, to come up with his theory.

What he offers is both insight and practical.

His basic premise is that habits involve 3 key steps: cue, routine and reward. Learning to recognize and manage these 3 steps can empower us to make lasting changes.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/29/the-power-of-habit/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/29/the-power-of-habit/Enjoying The Holidayshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/0KUb0-P9jBA/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/22/enjoying-the-holidays/#respondTue, 22 Dec 2015 17:49:13 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1161I could have titled this article, “Surviving The Holidays,” but that had such a negative tone! I also thought of, “Staying Safe Over The Holidays,” but that sounded so pessimistic.

How are you planning to enjoy the holidays? Will you enjoy them, or be stressed out? What would it take to actually ENJOY them?

I realize this article is mostly for Americans, for where else do people get their panties in such a wad over a season that should be meaningful, sweet and relaxing.

This is the time of year we can be vulnerable to potential pitfalls. It is important to enjoy time with friends and family, explore spiritual celebrations, and a get a break from the routine.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

Let it go.People are busy driving, shopping and preparing for Christmas. Some drivers seem to be going especially slow. Others are obnoxious shoppers with whiny children and attitudes. Family members know your buttons and are likely to push them. Let it all go. Don’t take offense. Don’t get frustrated. Let it go.

Take a deep breath and relax. Do you really have to have 5 salads for Christmas dinner when 2 will do? What is the worst that might happen if you don’t get everything on your list done? Will you die? Will the world come to a end? Probably not.

Watch your back when you’re out shopping. Thieves look for opportunities. Be mindful of your surroundings, keep your keys out and ready, and hug your belongings tight.

Never leave a purse or other valuables within sight in your vehicle.NEVER leave your purse, even if you don’t think there is anything of value there. Even a driver’s license or ID card can help someone steal your identity. Also hide purchases in the truck or on the floor.

Never go into debt to buy gifts.Give within your means. Show your love to friends and family by giving modest gifts that are personalized. Have NO money? Make your own gift cards promising acts of kindness like babysitting, doing chores, or helping with yard work. Create a unique piece of artwork or bake something. I have a friend who makes me a rum cake every Christmas!

Don’t let potential robbers know you’re not home. If you’re traveling, hold the mail, stop the paper, and set timers in the house so lights come on. Even ask a friendly neighbor to shovel your walkway if it snows during your absence.

Creatively get rid of present boxes. Nothing says, “take my new TV,” like placing the box on the curb after Christmas. Instead of advertising what you bought or received, take cartons to a recycle place or cut them into smaller pieces and hide in trash bags.

Take time for meaningful religious celebrations. Contemplate, reflect, attend services. Feed your soul and worship the one who gives you life.

Most importantly, remember the reason for the season. Christmas should be a time of giving, receiving, listening, laughing and loving.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/22/enjoying-the-holidays/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/22/enjoying-the-holidays/The Right Giftshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/Fu9qi2dzvYo/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/16/the-right-gifts/#respondWed, 16 Dec 2015 14:00:48 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=1861Gift giving at Christmas has its roots in remembering and commemorating two actions: First is the gift of God’s Son, Jesus, to make right all that had gone wrong in the world. The second is in remembering the gifts the wise men took to the Christ child after traveling far and wide to find him.

But manufacturers and merchants have turned this into the most profitable time of the year.

You are likely thinking about what gifts to purchase for your friends and family this year. And some of you are tempted to go into considerable debt to do so.

How can you celebrate Christmas differently this year? How can you say, “I love you” to those who mean the most in your life without causing harm to them or yourself? Here are a few things you might think consider:

1, Check your motives. Are you really trying to bless others and truly love on them? Or are you trying to impress, outdo, and otherwise spoil? Exercising unhealthy behavior around others is never a good idea, and it likely does more harm than good, even if you don’t intend it. Model sensible behavior that is ripe with good intentions; people will pick up on the love behind the gift, no matter how small. Better to give something small but personalized, rather than something expensive that may go to waste, or even embarrass the recipient. See Dave Ramsey’s article on “4 Competitive Pitfalls To Avoid This Christmas.”

2. Ask yourself if you can afford the gifts you want to purchase. Someone recently wrote nationally-syndicated advice columnist, Amy Dickinson, asking how to handle a mother-in-law who routinely overspends on multiple gifts for her grandchildren, yet who is chronically behind on her mortgage and routinely asks for financial help.* I agree with Amy that this mother-in-law has issues beyond overspending at Christmas. Maybe she could use the gift of counseling!

3. Think long-term. I was tempted to purchase an expensive gift for a family member this year, but know it would be foolish in light of my student loans that need to be paid off. Even thought I know the gift would be extremely meaningful to the intended recipient, I have to keep my own long-term goal in mind—to be debt-free as soon as possible.

4. Don’t go into debt buying presents. Only make purchases with money you have, not with money you hope to get in the future. Don’t make buying decisions you will pay for the rest of the year–with interest! Clark Howard recommends freezing your credit card—literally putting it into a container of water and stashing it in the freezer. You will be less likely to make an impulse buy with a card you can’t easily get to.

5. Find personalized gifts that are inexpensive, shop for bargains, get creative. When I was a girl scout, we made vouchers one year. That is when you make up a little certificate good for a night of baby sitting, a back rub, an offer to clean out the fridge, or some other task you know would be helpful and meaningful to the recipient. Now you can even get creative designing cool vouchers on your computer! Make little bags with stocking-stuffer type things like hand sanitizer, lip balm and chip clips that will be used throughout the year.

6. Make something. One year I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas, and he responded, “Peace on earth!” I found a peace-on-earth cut-out-card that inspired me to make a collage contrasting the conflict in our world with peace. I gave it to him and he hung it on his wall. It was fun, creative, and very personalized. Check Pintrest and other online sites for ideas.

7. Gift something you already have. Think about heirlooms, special family treasures or other items that have nostalgic significance. You can’t believe how special the most seemingly insignificant thing might mean to someone because it was yours.

8. Budget for Christmas gifts. Well it’s a bit late for that this year. But consider setting aside a specified amount every paycheck or each month next year so you don’t get caught in a last-minute panic for cash.

9. Shop sales. I picked up $5 ice cream gift certificates for $2 each. They will be appreciated by friends who love to visit the establishment, even if it’s not till next summer.

10. Remember that money can buy UNhappiness. Don’t make decision you or your recipients will regret in January, February, March and beyond. Money can’t buy you love. And we’re often not good at figuring out what does.

Make wise and loving decisions that will serve you and your loved ones this Christmas and beyond. And take time to remember the greatest gift of all—the gift of a diety who thinks you’re fantastic and irresistible.

“Dear Amy” column appeared in my local newspaper, The Gazette, on December 7, 2014.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/16/the-right-gifts/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/16/the-right-gifts/Churchhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/SQa-M3oC3Gc/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/09/church/#respondThu, 10 Dec 2015 04:57:49 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2503How do you know you’re on a good personal track? What are the markers of your spiritual growth? What do you think it means to be a person of faith? How do you nurture growth in your life?

I had breakfast with a friend the other day that expressed concern because I don’t attend church services on a regular basis. Certainly she is not the only one to have voiced such fear. This friend followed up her statement with, “There’s a lot of stuff out there; what if you get off?”

I then launched into a 5-minute defense of my spiritual life.

We have social litmus tests for all sorts of things. And the common one for your faith is whether or not you go to church. (Interesting how church has become something you go to instead of who you are.)

I’m cool with my friend, but our conversation topic makes me crazy!

I think people and ideas and consciousness evolve. (I’m so glad we don’t believe in human slavery and are past the Crusades.) So a question is worth asking: To what extent can our understanding of God and faith evolve? I think that just as the universe continues to expand, so can our understanding of ultimate reality.

Do you still believe that participating in certain rituals is a good test of your relationship with God, what you believe, and how you live your life?

Jesus said people will know you are his disciples if you love one another.*

But today, being right has become more important than being loving. And many people outside the church (however you define that growing group of folks), is, unfortunately, dare I say, sometimes nicer and kinder than those inside. Ouch!

I’m not here to rag on church people. Neither am I here to church-bash. I love the universal church, but I think many local congregations are focused on early maturity levels that are often irrelevant to many people, as evidenced by the growing disdain for the institutional church. (See my podcast #18 titled, “Love God Hate Church?”)

Even many pastors are struggling with frameworks that seem outdated and irrelevant. They are super-conflicted, because they are tired of the same old models, yet continue to get the paycheck for keeping, what out-of-the-box theologian, Rob Bell, calls, “the charade.”

Some of the concepts and understandings that were popular, and seemed to worked for awhile, are no longer satisfyingor applicable in a world of information, science and multiple voices. There is also permission today to ask questions that were not allowed in more authoritarian times.

Maybe you’re one of those who’s questions are propelling you in directions that never occurred to your parents.

Bell said in a recent podcast, “You have to go way beyond the superficial explanations to the real answers which are the answers behind the answers behind the answers, and the issues behind the issues behind the issues. Because when we talk about God, we are talking about our fundamental orientation toward reality. We are talking about our bedrock views of how the universe is…A number of people were handed a way of understanding reality that doesn’t work anymore. In some circles, the response has been to double down—let’s just sing even louder and longer, let’s get even more people in a stadium and raise our hands and sing the chorus nine times in a row…when in doubt, make the music better and make the light show better—in the face of how everything has changed, just keep going with the old conceptions but just make them more attractive. And so it sounds great, but is often has an underbelly of people who are like, ‘I don’t buy any of this.’”**

I would add that people don’t need to be told what to think. People need to be taught how to think and to take responsibility for their own development and behaviors.

Franciscan Richard Rohr wrote in his little book, Preparing for Christmas,*** “Jesus clearly says the kingdom of heaven is among us (Luke 17: 21) or “at hand” (Matthew 3: 2, 4: 17). One wonders why we made it into a reward system for later, or as someone called it, “a divine evacuation plan” from this world. Maybe it was easier to obey laws and practice rituals for later.”

Constructing little boxes with rules and expected behavior is much, much easier than welcoming personal transformation, engaging in mutually accountable, healthy relationships and deliberately striving for an active devotional life and life of devotion.

In another place, Jesus said you will know people by their fruit.****

I’m sure your friends can see the fruit in your life. Yet I think they have also likely been trained to look for church attendance as the “fruit-marker.”

Really?

So why do people go to church, or think others should go to church? I offer the following suggestions.

To be spiritually fed

To fellowship with like-minded people

To be encouraged to keep the faith

To worship God

To alleviate guilt. Because they think they’re supposed to go.

Allow me to share how I, and dare I say, possibly millions of others accomplish those same things in other ways.

To be spiritually fed. I read and/or listen to a daily devotional, the bible and spiritually challenging books. I also listed to a variety of podcasts. Spiritual development is a personal responsibility, not one you can easily pawn off on others.

To fellowship with like-minded people.I am very intentional about who I spend time with, which includes a variety of people of different ages and in different life stages. We not only talk about “spiritual” things, but many aspects of life. (By the way, I firmly believe that everything is spiritual!) I find discussing life over a fine hand-crafted beer is the best Sunday School ever!

To be encouraged to keep the faith. I am daily encouraged in my faith. Why wouldn’t I be? God has built a firm foundation over my lifetime. I continue to search for God and truth and reality, and find them on a regular basis. If your mind is not being blown regularly, you are looking in the wrong places!

To worship God. Worship is not something limited to a building with stained glass. It can happen anywhere, anytime. Some of my most meaningful connections have happened on my face in a prayer closet or atop a mountain in the Rockies.

To invest in others. What a privilege to teach college courses, blog, podcast, host a group that meets in my home twice a month, be a life coach and attempt to be conscious that any encounter can be potentially life-giving.

To alleviate guilt. I try not to do anything from guilt.

And I’d like to add at least one more.

To engage in long-term, committed, mutual-accountability relationships. This doesn’t happen by spending an hour or two looking at the backs of people’s heads once a week. It happens in life. It’s not about meeting times or even age-appropriate groupings. It’s about intentionally meeting regularly with committed friends, living your life in such a way that you allow others into your life on a regular basis. You allow them to know you, challenge you and co-celebrate your milestones; you do the same for them. And you work through your relational challenges instead of moving to the group down the road.

I want to challenge the old paradigm of what it means to be a solid person of faith.

I also want to encourage you.

If you are happy with attending a traditional church, or even a non-denominational (the “newer traditional”) church keep it up.Just remember that your spiritual development is your responsibility, not your pastor’s.

But also have permission to look elsewhere if it’s no longer working for you. Your spiritual journey may look very different than your parents’ or those around you. It may cut across what your friends think is regular and acceptable. Your friends may even think you’re“off.”

But you have to find how to be challenged and grow in ways that match who you are and where you at in this stage of your journey.

Instead of appraising your spiritual life by following the rules, look to those who count, like Jesus.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/09/church/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/09/church/Fear of Failinghttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/hPyYDG2M0VY/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/02/fear-of-failing/#commentsThu, 03 Dec 2015 02:24:29 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2498I have a saying that people who never fail, never do anything. That’s because failing is inevitable. When I heard a student give a brilliant speech on the topic, I asked him to turn it into an article for you. Here you go. Here is Elijah Petty:

We all have places we’re going, and dreams of who and what we want to grow to be, but most of us will fail before we get there – at least at first.

The fear of this failure can cripple us by keeping us inside our comfort zone, when usually our dreams lie outside of it. Unfortunately, failure is unavoidable.

Nobody gets everything right on the first try, but the way we treat our failures is crucial if we want to succeed in the end.

We’re afraid of failure. It’s discouraging, and the higher the stakes are, the worse the letdown is. I speak from experience when I say nothing’s more demoralizing than spending months of hard work to make the most of an upcoming opportunity, and then showing up and doing my best only to find out that my best isn’t good enough. The fear of that demoralizing failure can sometimes stop us from trying – and also stop us from succeeding, because trying is the first step toward any goal.

On the other hand, failure is one of the best opportunities to learn.

When working on one of his inventions, Thomas Edison said, “Negative results are just what I want. They’re just as valuable to me as positive results. I can never find the thing that does the job best until I find the ones that don’t.”

If you get something right, that’s great, but where do you go from there? It isn’t always obvious how to make something good better, but if you get something completely wrong, you’ll know for sure that what you’re doing doesn’t work and you’ll have to try a new approach.

If you just keep trying, even if you fail a hundred times, you can know that one day you’ll get it. Sooner or later, even if you screw up in every possible way, you will run out of ways to fail and success will be the only option left. That is how we learn from failure: as long as we don’t make the same mistake twice, each failure is a step toward our goals.

Author and public speaker, Jim Watkins, said, “A river cuts through a rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence.” Perseverance is the bridge between failure and success, and everyone that has traveled from failure to success has demonstrated that quality.

Take Stephen King, for example: he’s a household name now, but his first novel Carrie was rejected by publishers over 30 times. And while writing it, he got so frustrated that he threw the entire manuscript in the trash. His wife got it back out and he kept at it; that book launched his career.

The way we see failure impacts our ability to persevere. If we view our failures as barriers and let ourselves think they have the power to stop us from continuing on, it’s easy to believe that there’s no point in trying again.

Thomas Edison made over 1,000 attempts at building a lightbulb before he made one that worked. When a reporter asked him how it felt to fail 1,000 times, Edison replied “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The lightbulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” He recognized failure as a part of the process, rather than an obstacle. This view of failure is much more productive than the view that I think a lot of people hold – that if you fail, you won’t be successful. The path to success is paved in failure.

We tend to think of failure as something to be ashamed of; a mark against our pride, against our character, and a sign that we aren’t good enough.

But if we want to succeed, we have to change that perception.

Even for the hundredth time, failure is not something to be ashamed of, but rather proud of, because every failure means you’ve tried, and that’s always the first step – one that a lot of people never take.

The idea that failure means that you can’t succeed is a logical fallacy known as the perfectionist fallacy. That’s a false dichotomy that tries to say that either something is perfect success, or nothing at all.

Hundreds of successful people that were once called failures have disproved that idea.

When you’re on your way to reach your dreams and goals, you’re going to fail. But that’s okay. It’s rarely possible to be a success without being a failure first, so get used to filling those shoes – but wear them proudly, because you’re on your way up.

Every time the Wright brothers built a plane and crashed it into the ground, it might have looked like they were back where they started. But consider this: each time they got closer to the sky!

Embrace failure as a challenge and a chance to grow, and never let it be a barrier.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/02/fear-of-failing/feed/2http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/12/02/fear-of-failing/Selective Empathyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/5F83qGMX71Q/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/18/selective-empathy/#commentsWed, 18 Nov 2015 21:01:15 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2487Every time I think I have a healthy view of others, something reminds me of the darkness of my own heart and my need to adjust my thinking.Just when I think I’ve reached maturity, I get a glimpse of how much my character still needs developing.

While I usually write on timeless issues, I must present this topic in light of recent events—terrorist attacks.

All humanity is facing the reality of an energized movement committed to world domination. To them, it’s a holy war not only sanctioned, but commanded by God. How members of ISIScan excuse their actions is likely a topic for another day; it does show the propensity of humankind to justify belief systems—no matter how diabolical—and to control. The same predisposition exists in us all.

But the topic at hand is how we parse out empathy and compassion willy-nilly.

After the Paris bombings, Facebook, the press and the Western world in general were awash in chatter, prayers, moments of silence and monuments lit up in the colors of the French flag. There was a huge outpouring of love and support.

But where was any sense of Western compassionwhen 14-year-old Ali Awad and more than 40 others lost their lives in double suicide attacks in Beirut the day before? It hardly made the American news.

A Lebanese doctor wrote in a blog article titled, A World That Doesn’t Care About Arab Lives, “When my people died, no country bothered to light up its landmarks in the colors of their flag…There was no global outrage…Their death was but an irrelevant fleck along the international news cycle, something that happens in those parts of the world.”*

Another group dismissed was the Russian tourists. Where was the international outcry when it was discovered that the airliner that crashed in Sinai was the work of an ISIS bomb. 224 people lost their lives, almost a hundred more people than were killed in Paris. But we saw no rallying to our Russian comrades.

The truth is, we have selective empathy. Lives are not equal to us.

I consider myself to be fairly equitable. I’ve traveled to more than 60 countries, have friends of almost every flavor, and even have multiple ethnicities in my immediate family.

Yet I can be shocked at some of my own reactions to others.

I have been watching multiple documentaries and news reports in an attempt to wrap my head around the spread of ISIS. My social science mind wants to understand the movement and gage the threat to the world.

Image from PBS documentary

I just saw a PBS (Public Broadcasting System) special about the growing power of ISIS in Afghanistan. It showed kid being indoctrinated with jihadist ideals and taught how to use weapons. I was appalled, but no more so than when I saw little blonde kids in the footage. That’s when my I got really empathetic. My thoughts of “Oh those poor little blonde kids (who don’t look Afghan),” was quickly followed by, “I can’t believe my heart goes out to them more than the little dark-eyed, dark-skinned kids.”

Seriously? And I think of myself as a mature person of faith?

Image from PBS documentary

The same scenario is played out again and again, not only in me, but also in our culture.

Academic studies reveal that we are attracted to people who are like us. I also found in my dissertation research that similars attract. We feel more of an affinity to those who are regionally or cultural close. But not all of our propensities and leanings are noble. The “us” and “them” mentality has not proven very helpful in human history.

Americans may recall the name, JonBenét Ramsey, a little girl who was murdered in her Boulder, Colorado home twenty years ago. It was the focus on wall-to-wall news coverage and water-cooler speculation. After all, she was a cute, white, innocent, blonde beauty queen.

But what about the little black girls murdered on a regular basis in south side Chicago or African kids who die everyday from dirty water and malaria?

We like to think of ourselves as loving, benevolent and unbiased. We like to think we respond like Jesus.

But the reality is we allow ourselves to be manipulated by what the press chooses to cover (and not cover), are victims of our own biases, and are selectively empathetic.

We are one people on one planet and we need to figure out how to live together.

French lives matter. Lebanese lives matter. Russian lives matter. All lives matter, even the ones that don’t look like us or share our neck of the woods.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/18/selective-empathy/feed/2http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/18/selective-empathy/Shit Happenshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/oWUduGMPHxg/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/17/shit-happens/#respondTue, 17 Nov 2015 17:39:22 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2482Why do people question their faith when shit happens? Why do we get angry with our sources of comfort at the very time we need them–when we suffer?! Why does bad stuff even happen?

I have some friends who are struggling with serious health issues right now. We all know folks in similar circumstances, or suffer the same afflictions ourselves.

There are certainly times we think we have exhausted our “rope,” with little left to hang on to and life has seemingly left us hanging (out to dry).

The very people and sources we look to for answers and comfort often let us down.

The preachers and the clichés and the well-meaning friends do not always help. In fact, they often create or magnify the very struggles we encounter. To be honest, they are no help at best and disgustingly annoying at worst.

There is a lot of bullshit out there. And when shit happens, the last thing you need are some bullshit explanations or pat answers.

I think a lot of the stuff we, and others, struggle with are just really stupid ideas. Here are a few I have identified that perhaps you can identify with.

First of all, shit happens. We live in a really messed up world where even good intentions often result in lousy situations.

We have a great need for answers. And when we can’t find answers or struggle to make sense of senseless situations, we make up stuff. The human mind is outstandingly creative, and when given time and thought, can come up with all sorts of answers, whether they’re true or not.

We buy into myths.That’s right, we believe all kinds of stuff in an attempt to make ourselves feel better. The problem is, these contrived solutions don’t always work in the long-term. In fact, they can come around to bite us on the rear.

We buy into what academics call fantasy themes. When groups, like cultures or religions make up stuff, then collectively promote the myth, they are promoting fantasy themes. After awhile, no one in the group even recognizes where the myth came from or that it’s even a myth at all.

We believe silly things about God and the world. We say stupid things like, “Everything happens for a reason,” “Whatever will be will be,” or “Where God closes a door, he opens a window.” Really? Is God your doorman?

We have an insatiable need for certainty. We are uncomfortable with uncertainty, ambiguity and senselessness. Deep down we think answers exist for everything so can’t imagine that a black and white answer is not available for everything. In fact, we live in a really complicated world where knowing anything in full is almost impossible. Even to understand why two cars pass each other on a road at any given time would entail a deconstruction and understanding of the entire history of the universe. The truth is, because of the complexity of the world and our finite minds, it is impossible for us to fully understand anything.

So how can we respond to life’s struggles?

I find comfort in the thought that I can’t figure it out, I don’t need to figure it out, and that shit happens a lot in a broken world, and sometimes we’re in its path.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/17/shit-happens/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/17/shit-happens/Quantum Entanglementhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/78POpWWxT2Y/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/12/quantum-enganglement/#respondThu, 12 Nov 2015 16:02:46 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2478We are all connected in ways we are oblivious to. So I am immensely interested in the cross-section between science, social science (the study of humans) and spirituality.

I love subjects of inquiry such as that surrounding quantum entanglement, which attempts to explain the ways that we are, indeed, connected.

So I have to share this most recent article by Franciscan, Richard Rohr:

Just as different ways of interpreting scripture and various types of truth (e.g., literal vs. mythic) are valuable for different purposes, so scientific theories have different applications while seeming to be paradoxical and irreconcilable. For example, we have the Newtonian theory of gravity, Einstein’s theory of relativity, and quantum theory. Physicists know that each of them is true, yet they don’t fit together and each is limited and partial. Newtonian mechanics can’t model or predict the behavior of massive or quickly moving objects. Relativity does this well, but doesn’t apply to very, very small things. Quantum mechanics succeeds on the micro level. But we don’t yet have an adequate theory for understanding very small, very energetic, very massive phenomenon, such as black holes. Scientists are still in search of a unified theory of the universe.

Perhaps the term “quantum entanglement” names something that we have long intuited, but science has only recently observed. Here is the principle in layperson’s terms: in the world of quantum physics, it appears that one particle of any entangled pair “knows” what is happening to another paired particle–even though there is no known means for such information to be communicated between the particles, which are separated by sometimes very large distances. Could this be what is happening when we “pray” for somebody?

Scientists don’t know how far this phenomenon applies beyond very rare particles, but quantum entanglement hints at a universe where everything is in relationship, in communion, and also where that communion can be resisted (“sin”). Both negative and positive entanglement in the universe matter, maybe even ultimately matter. Prayer, intercession, healing, love and hate, heaven and hell, all make sense on a whole new level. Almost all religions have long pointed to this entanglement. In Paul’s letter to the Romans (14:7) he says quite clearly “the life and death of each of us has its influence on others.” The Apostles’ Creed states that we believe in “the communion of saints.” There is apparently a positive inner connectedness that we can draw upon if we wish.

Ilia Delio says, “If reality is nonlocal, that is, if things can affect one another despite distance or space-time coordinates, then nature is not composed of material substances but deeply entangled fields of energy; the nature of the universe is undivided wholeness.” [1] I’ve often described this phenomenon as an experiential “force field” or the Holy Spirit. In Trinitarian theology, the Holy Spirit is foundationally described as the field of love between the Father and the Son. One stays in this positive force field whenever one loves, cares, or serves with positive energy.I know that when people stand in this place, when they rest in love as their home base, they become quite usable by God, and their lives are filled with “quantum entanglements” that result in very real healings, forgiveness, answered prayers, and new freedom for those whom they include in the force field with them. I have too many examples here to list or to even remember. Jung called these events “synchronicities”; secular folks call them coincidences; the Sisters of Charity of Leavenworth, who taught me, called them Divine Providence.

On the other end of the spectrum there are people who carry death wherever they go, toward all those they can pull into their negative force field. (Is this hell?) I know that when I regress into any kind of intentional negativity toward anything or anybody, even in my mind, I am actually hurting and harming them. Etty Hillesum, a young imprisoned Jew in Nazi-occupied Amsterdam, says straightforwardly, “Each of us moves things along in the direction of war every time we fail to love.” And if so, it would surely follow that each of us moves things along in the direction of healing each time we choose to love. Each time it is a conscious choice and a decision, at least to some degree. Grace and guilt both glide on such waves of desire and intention.

Consciousness, desire, and intentionality matter. Maybe they even create and destroy worlds. We cannot afford to harbor hate or hurt or negativity in any form. We must deliberately choose to be instruments of peace–first of all in our minds and hearts. Such daring simplicity is quantum entanglement with the life and death of all things. We largely create both heaven and hell. God is not “in” heaven nearly as much as God is the force field that allows us to create heaven through our intentions and actions. Once quantumly entangled, it seems we are entangled forever, which is why we gave such finality and urgency to our choices for life (heaven) or death (hell).

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Peter Drucker

We all have an invitation to honor people in our lives. Our ability to respond to those we cross paths with is endless. It is through our silent and subtle gestures that we offer the most to each other. A simple smile, wink, or nod can promote positive energy and positive change.

Nonverbal Communication is defined as behaviors and characteristics that convey meaning without the use of words. It includes how we say things (pitch, volume, etc.) as well as facial expressions, artifacts (like rings, clothes, tattoos, architecture, etc.), gestures, smell, touch, use of silence, personal space and the like.

Nonverbal is an important aspect of human connection. It is essential to our relationships and interactions, no matter how brief, with others.

One of the most powerful books I’ve read on nonverbal communication is by Geoff Blackwell. Humanity: A Celebration of Friendship, Love, and Laughter, with countless images from all over the globe. It is a book that doesn’t need captions, as the emotion is felt with the turning of each page. This extraordinary book displays gestures of tenderness, intimacy, love, curiosity, surprise, and struggle. The images in this book expose simple and casual gestures, however, the meaning is powerful. The book is an intimate reminder to all of us that communication is more than the words we speak.

We have an essential need for nonverbal communication on a daily basis. This includes both the abbreviated interactions as well as the lengthy meetings with people that share our day. It increases opportunity for a productive workplace and reduces conflict in our relationships. When we engage with people nonverbally, we communicate their significance in our lives (or not). An important part of this action includes facial displays or facial expressions. Our face is often the most expressive during communication with others. Smiles, raised eyebrows, and nods reassure the speaker that we are active listeners and value their message.

Our body language and gestures also have the ability to reinforce our interest level.This includes posture and hand movements. Leaning toward the person speaking as well as having upright posture send a positive message to the other person that we are interested in their message.

Another influential component in nonverbal communication is touch. Many haptic researchers who study how people use touch to communicate agree the power of touch is unmatched and something each of us cannot live without. Touch is often used to explain the meaning of our emotions, such as affection, concern, power, or aggression.

Vocal behaviors may also contribute to the ten channels of our nonverbal communication abilities. It’s not only WHAT we say, but HOW we say it! This paralanguage, can imply amusement or boredom to the speaker. Our pitch, volume, rate, or articulation can also have a positive or negative impact on our conversations with each other. Of these examples, silence is often the most compelling form of nonverbal communication. It is frequently used to display neglect, defiance, or disappointment.

Whether you are using voice, time, gestures, personal space, touch, or objects to communicate nonverbally, there is always an opportunity to enhance our skills effectively.Undoubtedly, it is just as important to deliver clear nonverbal messages as it is to read them. We have a responsibility to each other to not let people go unnoticed. We certainly do not have to adapt to the behaviors we perceive, however, we have an obligation to each other not to ignore the messages.

I spent nearly a decade trying to decode the meaning of silence in a relationship with someone close to me. That is nearly 3,000 days in my life that spent longing for energy, intimacy, and even ordinary communication.

A lot can transpire in a moment between people. We have the ability to lend a smile, a shoulder, or glance to the ones that call on our attention. Human beings have a desire to do more than coexist together. Enjoy the laughter a little longer; hug a little tighter; dance whenever you can; and engage in life with each other.

This quote by Austrian-British philosopher Ludwig Wittenstein reminds us to display our energy from the inside out; “The human body is the best picture of the human soul.”

Be aware of your nonverbal communication, and pay attention to what others may be saying to you without words.

We don’t know much. We try to find truth and figure things out, but we’re all just searching, often guessing.

But this I know, if your God fits in a small box, your image of God is likely due for a makeover.

When I was a child, we learned there are nine planets, with Pluto being the smallest.

Today scientists argue on whether Pluto is even a planet at all, and in 2014, announced the discovery of 715 new planets outside of earth’s solar system. They think there are likely billions of stars, and our sun is one of the smaller ones.

NASA estimates the Milky Way Galaxy is 100,000 light years across. As space probes travel further and further from earth, we are finding not only more and more galaxies, but clusters of galaxies!

Perhaps one of the coolest discoveries is that not only is there more to find, but the universe itself continues to expand.

Notice the image with this article. It’s actually named, “Celestial Maternity Ward N81!” It’s all rather mind-blowing! How cool is that?

The universe we thought was quantifiable and static, or even dying, continues to grow.

Growth and expansion are a mark of the universe. Should they not also mark of our lives and understanding of God and reality?

If the universe is as big or bigger than we thought, how big God must be! If the creation is this magnificent and expanding, how much greater the creator!

Yet a great irony is the extent to which we have made God so small.We make God fit into small buildings and tiny communion cups. We’ve created a myriad of boxes and forced God inside. We think how boring religion is, so look elsewhere for excitement and fulfillment, and to grasp something larger than ourselves.

Seriously?

If your God has been reduce to a set of rules, a series of clichés or a foundation of fear, GET OUT OF THE BOX, and LET GOD OUT ALSO!

How do you do that? I’m sure there are multiple ways in dozens of traditions. Here are some places I’ve gone for life. There really are voices out there that are refreshing, mind-expanding and life-giving. If how you’re thinking and what you’re doing are working for you, great. But if you’re tired of the same ole same ole (often BS), I implore you to expose yourself to alternative thoughts and voices.

Rob Bell is a 45-year old theologian, thinker and generally cool guy who has escaped the boxes and discovered ideas that have been buried too long. While some see him as a heretic (a person holding views that are at odds with what is generally accepted), I have come to see him as one uncovering understanding that has been buried by centuries of myth.

The Liturgists is a group of forward thinkers who are trying to rediscover the wisdom of the mystics, sages and theologians throughout history who sought God and found profound truths. I follow their inspiring and though-provoking podcasts which can be downloaded to your smartphone or found on their website

Ask Science Mike is a podcast and website dedicated to exploring theological issues from a scientific perspective. (Mike is also part of the Liturgists.) Science no longer has to be at odds with faith. So if you have questions or conflicts concerning science, faith and life, check out Science Mike.

Greg Boyd is a pastor at Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul, Minnesota. He has written several books that re-think ideas about the revolutionary nature of God as expressed through the life of Jesus. His podcasts and blog articles have given much freedom to ask questions and question some of the assumptions of today’s religious climate.

Richard Rohr is an outspoken Franciscan who has introduced many to various traditions including the dessert fathers, radical people of faith throughout history and precious nuggets of truth gleaned in diverse religious traditions (including Hinduism and Buddhism). As the 4th century Bishop of Hippo, Augustine wrote, “Truth is truth no matter where you find it.” Rohr’s book, Falling Upward: Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, was super liberating for me, and his emailed devotionals continue to feed my soul on a daily basis.

Phyllis Tickle (who passed away recently) was a writer who examined Christianity from a sociological perspective. A few months ago I listened to her book, The Great Emergence: How Christianity is Changing and Why. She shared a perspective that it seems Christianity (and likely most other religions) seem to have a giant rummage sale about every 500 years, when concepts of God and theological positions are reconsidered. The last big rummage sale in Christianity was the Protestant Reformation; and guess what, we’re due for a rummage sale now. It was October 31, 1517 that Luther posted his 95 theses (challenges to the religious status quo) to the church door at Wittenburg, Germany. We will commemorate that world-changing event in just two years.

I remember hearing an analogy years ago that the church is like a building that has had years of scaffolding tacked on. Because of that, it has become extremely challenging to tell the difference between the scaffolding and the original building. It’s time to tear off the scaffolding—all the crap that’s been tacked on to religion—and get back to the reality and beauty of the building.

What you find when you discover fresh voice is they introduce you to other fresh voices. Like minded people hang out.

For example, Science Mike recently had a motorcycle accident that is affecting his ability to focus. So we invited Rob Bell to guest-host his podcast. Filling in for Mike, Bell addressed questions submitted by listeners, a format different than his books or podcast.

There are many other folks out there who are resisting the status quo and pushing the boundaries to understand God in a fresh light and what it means to live a life of faith in the 21st century.

Don’t be discouraged by all the small-mindedness out there, go find a bigger God. I promise that he/she is out there.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/02/what-size-is-god/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/11/02/what-size-is-god/Your Plastic Brainhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/uIE4aW6esFU/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/21/your-plastic-brain/#respondThu, 22 Oct 2015 02:41:00 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=585With the airing of a new television series on the brain, I decided to repost my previous article on the plasticity of the brain.

The Brain With Dr. David Engleman is a fascinating series airing on PBS in the U.S. that helps explain who we are and why we do what we do.

This neuroscientist shows how brain research continues to give us answers, and also to show that our brains are constantly changing depending on how we live and how much we expose ourselves to new ideas and experiences. He shows how you really can affect your aging process.

The series airs on Wednesday evenings in my locale; check your local listing to see if and when you can catch the series. Meanwhile, check out the trailer.

They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I think that assumes it’s been while since the dog has learned anything.

Researchers have known for awhile that the brain is very plastic. It is always changing. It is always responding to stimuli.

The latest research was just released in the May 10th issue of the journal, Science.

Researchers put 40 genetically identical mice in an elaborate maze with many toys and lots of places to explore. They put other mice in a less complex environment with less to do.

After three months, scientists found that the mice who were exposed to more stimulation generated more brain neurons.

In addition, some of the mice explored more than others. These most adventurous mice generated even more neurons than those who lost interest. The more the mice explored, the more brain cells were produced in the hippocampus, the part of the brain that is responsible for short and long-term memory and navigation.

This shows once again, how important it is to be adventurous, try new things, and put yourself in situations where you can learn.

When it comes to your brain, the old saying is true:USE IT OR LOSE IT!

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/21/your-plastic-brain/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/21/your-plastic-brain/038: The Art of Breathing pt 2http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/CZ74hoMkv2c/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/19/the-art-of-breathing-pt-2/#respondMon, 19 Oct 2015 22:00:09 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2455This is part 2 of an interview with Dr. Frank Seaman about techniques you can implement to improve your energy and health. He talks about using tape on your mouth while exercising and sleeping, being aware of how you swallow and where you place your tongue–simple steps you can take to keep yourself oxygenated, reduce oral problems and even deal with sleep disorders.

“Our beliefs are a kind of rigidity, not to challenge our own way of thinking. I think in modern Western society, there seems to be a powerful cultural conditioning that is based on science. But in some instances, the basic premises and parameters set up by Western science can limit your ability to deal with certain realities. When you encounter phenomena that you cannot account for, then there’s a tension created; it’s almost a feeling of agony.” – The Dalai Lama

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/19/the-art-of-breathing-pt-2/feed/0This is part 2 of an interview with Dr. Frank Seaman about techniques you can implement to improve your energy and health. He talks about using tape on your mouth...This is part 2 of an interview with Dr. Frank Seaman about techniques you can implement to improve your energy and health. He talks about using tape on your mouth...Get Control of Your Life32:59http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/19/the-art-of-breathing-pt-2/Ugly Ducklinghttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/0zAq1NPOkVs/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/11/ugly-duckling/#respondSun, 11 Oct 2015 17:28:10 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2442We have all felt like ugly ducklings, misfits, fish out of water, ugly stepchildren; use the analogy that works for you.

We’ve all known rejection, the struggle to fit in, the desire for unconditional love.

Despite being born into a loving home, I grew up thinking of myself as an ugly duckling. A handful of life events were devastating. My first grade teacher actually told me I was stupid. Kids made fun of my looks in middle school. I even had a boyfriend who begged me to let him see me without makeup, then laughed hysterically when I did. These are not the kind of events that make us into healthy, happy, well adjusted individuals with appropriate levels of self-esteem.

You have your own stories, your own memories, your own pain.

In the story of the ugly duckling, we find a creature that was born happy and healthy. The pain he endured was the result of rejection, not fitting in, and being misplaced. He was not a duck at all, but rather a graceful and beautiful swan that was hatched in the wrong place.

We all have to work through our crap. We have to do the hard work of the soul to regain our true selves and find out place. We have to come to a place where the past no longer defines us.

I will never forget the day that I realized I was not stupid or ugly. It was a lightbulb moment when my world changed. It was also a milestone in a season of tremensous personal growth. I had to repent, forgive, and change my mindset; I had to be reborn to my true self.

In Andersen’s story, we find the following ah ha moment when the duck saw his reflection in the water:

“His own image; no longer a dark, gray bird, ugly and disagreeable to look at, but a graceful and beautiful swan. To be born in a duck’s nest, in a farmyard, is of no consequence to a bird, if it is hatched from a swan’s egg. He now felt glad at having suffered sorrow and trouble, because it enabled him to enjoy so much better all the pleasure and happiness around him; for the great swans swam round the new-comer, and stroked his neck with their beaks, as a welcome.”

We all suffer sorrow and trouble. They key is what we do with it.

Later in the story, the duck is shocked to receive bits of bread and cake thrown in the water by humans who admired his beauty.

“Then he felt quite ashamed, and hid his head under his wing; for he did not know what to do, he was so happy, and yet not at all proud. He had been persecuted and despised for his ugliness, and now he heard them say he was the most beautiful of all the birds. Even the elder-tree bent down its bows into the water before him, and the sun shone warm and bright. Then he rustled his feathers, curved his slender neck, and cried joyfully, from the depths of his heart, “I never dreamed of such happiness as this, while I was an ugly duckling.”

You have incredible worth. But maybe you need to re-find it.

Do the hard work of the soul. Face your demons. Examine who you really are compared to what others think you should be. Do whatever you must; read books, get counseling, open yourself to others, be willing to revisit your mistakes.

In the end, you will accept who you are, rediscover your beauty, and be able to receive the love of others.

You will experience true happiness you couldn’t image while you were an ugly duckling.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/11/ugly-duckling/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/11/ugly-duckling/Effective Presentationshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/Bb3io-mf9MI/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/07/effective-presentations/#respondThu, 08 Oct 2015 01:26:27 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2439Perhaps you have sat through ill-crafted presentations with PowerPoints that just about killed you!

Well don’t do the same to others!

If you are one who has to give speeches, sermons, teachings or presentations to clients, followers, co-workers or others, learn how to produce effective visual presentations (otherwise known as PowerPoint).

Here is a 33-minute video I produced to help my student successfully craft visuals to accompany their in-class presentations. The principles are universal and can easily be applied to business, ministry or other “opportunities.”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/07/effective-presentations/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/07/effective-presentations/037: The Art of Breathing pt 1http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/1WZG7hXf_Eg/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/05/037-the-art-of-breathing-pt-1/#respondTue, 06 Oct 2015 04:12:15 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2431Guest Dr. Frank Seaman shares his pioneering work into the importance of breathing on dental and overall health. He deals with problems like sleep disorders, snoring, dry mouth, and overall breakdown of the mouth. Whether you’re a runner, suffer from sleep disorders or are just concerned with better health, this is a must-hear 2-part podcast for you.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/05/037-the-art-of-breathing-pt-1/feed/0Guest Dr. Frank Seaman shares his pioneering work into the importance of breathing on dental and overall health. He deals with problems like sleep disorders, snoring, dry mouth, and overall...Guest Dr. Frank Seaman shares his pioneering work into the importance of breathing on dental and overall health. He deals with problems like sleep disorders, snoring, dry mouth, and overall...Get Control of Your Life39:50http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/10/05/037-the-art-of-breathing-pt-1/God & Your Brainhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/TaxV6W1Gyro/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/28/god-your-brain/#respondTue, 29 Sep 2015 05:32:33 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2426I found this short but most interesting video about what you think of God and how it shows up in your brain when you pray. If you don’t know about Science Mike, you might want to find out! He’s a Christian turned atheist turned follower of Jesus, who uses his story to help people know God in an age of incredible scientific insight.

I find him wonderfully out of the box and refreshing.

Find his blog here: http://mikemchargue.com. You may also want to check out his never-boring podcast, “Ask Science Mike.” I subscribed through Apple’s podcasts app.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/28/god-your-brain/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/28/god-your-brain/Map Your Progresshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/5oNamPcI-Bw/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/23/map-your-progress/#respondThu, 24 Sep 2015 02:35:22 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2422Looking for a life hack to help you reach a goal? Check this out.

I love sharing resources as well as ideas with you. This time I have a GREAT one!

Map Your Progress is a new initiative to help you accomplish your goals by coloring your progress.

You may remember the old thermometer posters that were sometimes used to show the amount of money raised for a project. This is like that, but much more personal and much more creative.

It all started when Californian Amy Jones got a clear message from her accountant that it was time to clean up her financial mess. She had carried debt on credit cards for much too long, and it was time to pay them off. (Funny how easy it is to put charges on a credit card and so hard to get it off!)

As a tool to help her stay focused and encouraged, Amy decided to turn her knack for doodling (in boring meetings and conference calls) into something practical to help her abolish her debt.

Using an unused canvas that was laying around, she drew swirls to represent specific increments ($100). Then each time she paid that much towards debt, she would color in the appropriate number of swirls. Brilliant!

After a few months, the drawing actually built up Amy’s confidence. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, she actually believed she could eliminate her debt. And she did it, more than $26,000 worth! Wow.

I used a similar technique in the past to mark off chapters of the bible I read in a year. But this is way more fun than little boxes. This is creative! And it’s something you can keep in front of you all the time.

What is your goal? To save for something you need or want? To pay off debt? Lose weight? Count down an event? Go to the gym? Get through school?

You can purchase a drawing from Amy or create your own. All sorts of drawings are available, with different numbers of swirls. Pick one that fits your goal, or make your own.

I need this to accomplish a big goal I have, so I’m going to make one of these. It will be prominently placed somewhere in my home when I can see it all the time. It will surely serve as both a motivation (to get it colored in) and an encouragement (as I make progress).

Amy shares my passion to help make your life better. Check out her site, MapYourProgress.com for ideas, patterns and even a great blog.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/23/map-your-progress/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/23/map-your-progress/Light Bulbshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/jJUEB1CxLCc/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/21/light-bulbs/#respondTue, 22 Sep 2015 00:30:02 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2419“Imagine yourself sitting in a dimly lit room, reading a book with wires connected to your brain, and every time you understood a new concept or made connections between the book and your personal life, light bulbs literally lit up.”

So wrote one of my students after reading a particular textbook chapter in my interpersonal communication class.

I thought, what a great analogy that perfectly illustrates my topic!

How long has it been since you’ve had a light bulb go on in your head? How long has it been since you had a new thought, asked a question, or ventured into a novel experience?

I think we are always growing. That can mean many things:

Growing up

Growing mature

Growing fat

Growing old

Growing younger

Growing stale

Growing cobwebs

You get my drift.

So even if you’re not growing as a person, you are growing somewhere, even if it’s towards decay, rigidity and death.

I think a central law of the universe is that growing is good. That is if it’g going towards better.

Every time you have an “ah-ha” moment, something in your mind and soul lights up. You discover something you didn’t know before, see something from a new angle, or generally get transformed.

Different analogies have been used to describe this experience throughout the ages. Jesus used the language of “born again” to describe a transition from what was to what can be. Though the term has been bastardized in recent years, the concept behind it is very real; it’s about opening one’s mind and heart to new things. Its about getting unstuck and embracing growth. It’s like being born again!

Some people think this only happens once. But unless you are being born again and again and again, you are likely growing stale, boring and irrelevant.

Change is a inevitable and universal; you get to determine which direction it goes.

Anything that attempts to hold still atrophies, dies and gets left behind, whether it’s a star or a plant or a person.

My class is studying the Myers-Briggs personality profile this week. Students will learn how some of them have a natural tendency to avoid the new and novel, while others thrive on it.

No matter what your personality and comfort level with change and uncertainty, you have to admit it’s part of life. How you handle it will make all the difference.

Think about what you can do to put yourself in a place to get turned on. Read a new book. Watch a documentary you wouldn’t ordinarily. Hang out with someone unlike than you. Experience something new and distinctive.

Give yourself the opportunity for a light bulb moment, then let your light shine. Not only will it make a difference in your life, but it will profoundly better the folks around you.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/20/036-get-control-of-your-emotions/feed/1Security expert Terry Blevins shares techniques for controlling your emotions in volatile situations and stressed relationships. Recommended Resources: Humble: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling Inquiry by Edgar...Security expert Terry Blevins shares techniques for controlling your emotions in volatile situations and stressed relationships. Recommended Resources: Humble: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling Inquiry by Edgar...Get Control of Your Life39:50http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/20/036-get-control-of-your-emotions/Self-concepthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/N2m3Mcim62s/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/16/self-concept/#respondThu, 17 Sep 2015 00:29:52 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2407Who do you think you are? Who are you (really)? How do you think others see you?

Your self-concept is likely a combination of all of these. It is, in essence, your identity.

If you ask a Westerner (someone from North America, Europe or other whites in Australia, New Zealand and South Africa) who they are, they will likely to tell you what they do for a living and what they like to do in their spare time. That is great, but fairly shallow.

This of course if very different than non-Westerners (the rest of the world’s population) whose identity is much more tied to their group (ethnicity, tribe, region, etc.) yet sometimes lacking the specifics of an individual.

Your self-concept is something that changes over your lifetime, or it should be if you are growing as a person. So your self-concept is obviously fluid.

Who you think you are is a subjective view of yourself, including strengths, weaknesses, personality, abilities, talents, character and so on. And it may actually (unfortunately, too) be tied to who you used to be. It is also a subjective view of who you think others think you are. So if you think about it, your self-concept has nothing to do with who you really are. It’s the perception of who you are.

We could break it down like this:

Who you are

Who you think you are

Who others think you are

Who you think others think you are

Good grief!

According to academics, your self-concept is influenced by personality, culture, biology, gender roles, and of course what we’ve already mentioned, self-reflected appraisal, and social comparison. It completely makes sense.

I tell my students all the time that they have to figure out who they are and what they bring to the world, or the would will suffer.

Famous preacher Chuck Swindoll said something we can all learn from and take to heart:

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/16/self-concept/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/16/self-concept/What Would You Do?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/8360HR8Zs3Q/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/14/what-would-you-do/#respondTue, 15 Sep 2015 04:56:15 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2399Would you kiss butt to get a promotion? Enjoy a guest post by Terry W. Blevins:

When in high school, my son told me that his personal ethics prevented him from getting a job because he would be required to blindly follow someone else’s ethical rules and not his own in exchange for money. I laughed at the time. But if I analyze that statement, it causes me to think.

Would you compromise your personal standards in exchange for success? I’m not only talking about doing something dishonest, illegal or immoral, but also about those personal preferences that each one of us have regarding what we will do or won’t do in order to increase our chances of career success.

Have you ever heard anyone say “I don’t care if they fire me, I’m not going to kiss anyone’s butt?” Of course the definition of “kissing butt” (aka: “kissing up to”, “kissing ass” also known as “being obsequious”) will mean many different things to each of you. In my experience, “kissing butt” means lying or exaggerating about something to impress your boss in order to gain their favor. (I think this is the generally accepted definition.)

From thefreedictionary.com:

kiss someone’s ass– Sl. to fawn over someone; to flatter and curry favor with someone

I think most of us would agree that “kissing butt” is something that is demeaning, and not something we are likely to do.

But consider this scenario: Your boss asks what you thought of his presentation, and although you thought it was really bad, you know that you can’t be honest with him or her because they will be upset with you.

If you sugarcoat your response in order to avoid wrath, are you compromising your standards? If pressed for a detailed evaluation, and all you gave was positive feedback, would you be lying to?

Most would agree that lying to your boss in exchange for his favor means that you’re compromising your standards.

Would you allow your boss to yell at you? Would you allow him or her to curse at you? Would you allow them to yell at a family member? Where would you draw the line? If your boss yells at you or does something else that makes you feel demeaned on Monday, does that emotional pain go away when you cash your paycheck on Friday?

We all must decide what our personal boundaries are, and then decide if we will allow those boundaries to be violated in the interest of keeping a job or getting promoted.

Let’s take this one step further. If you saw your boss doing something immoral, would you say something? How about something illegal? The lines between immoral and illegal often blur in today’s global business scene. So where do we draw the line?

Obviously everything I’m discussing is different for each one, and we all have to make your own decisions regarding what we think is right and wrong. I’m raising the questions in this article in hopes that each of you will consider what you’re willing to do—and what you’re not willing to do—in order to achieve success. I’m not suggesting that you all go out and quit your jobs but I am encouraging you to stop and think about the long term effects of working in an environment that violates your boundaries or compromises your standards.

The bottom line for me is this: I try to avoid doing anything at work, or allow anyone to treat me in a way, that I believe violates my ethics in a manner that permanently changes me for the worse. As a boss, I also work very hard to avoid putting my people in a position like this.

Although my son’s moral indignation was a little extreme, I learned something. We should all be very careful about changing our morals in exchange for a paycheck, because most of those decisions will take us down a path we may not be able to return from.

Terry Blevins (MA Security Management) is an Los-Angeles-based American senior security professional who was raised in Central America and pursued his professional life in Arizona through a career in Law Enforcement. After serving as a Peace Officer and a Homeland Security official in the US, he spent time living and working in the Middle East and Southwest Asia as a counterterrorism and security expert. He most recently served as country security manager in Mexico and was promoted to Senior Director of Corporate Security with global responsibilities for a Canada-based gold mining company. He brings this experience to his work as a senior consultant focused on the mining industry.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/14/what-would-you-do/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/14/what-would-you-do/Honeyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/52Qw0u9BWPE/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/09/2394/#respondWed, 09 Sep 2015 21:01:22 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2394The old saying is that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I think that is not only true for flies, but for us too.

Father Richard Rohr’s devotion on Sunday, September 6, 2015 was somewhat on this topic. See the excerpt below:

“Rather than making dogmatic statements about how to get to heaven, Jesus modeled and taught how to live on earth in a loving way, and he said that this was indeed heaven! But Christians have all too often pushed heaven into the future. We’ve made Jesus’ death and resurrection into a reward/punishment system for the next world, which creates tremendously self-absorbed and self-preoccupied people. It doesn’t transform anyone into compassionate, loving individuals. Instead it leads to a kind of morbid self-analysis in which people feel guilty, inferior, and inadequate or superior and self-righteous.

“This dualistic approach has corrupted the true meaning of the Gospel. I would go so far as to say that by sending Christians on a path of well disguised but delayed self-interest, we prostituted the entire spiritual journey from the very start. You cannot easily get to love when you begin with threats and appeals to fear. The driving energy is completely wrong. Rather, you come to love by attraction. Change must begin with positive energy or the final result is never positive.”

To this I say YES! That is why I’m so glad to find a path to God that is marked by love and acceptance instead of fear and manipulation.But oh how may people have experienced the latter instead of the former.

The irony is that LOVE drives the universe. God is not far away; the loving Divine is closer than our breath.

God is sweeter than honey; and He/She is always trying to attract us.

May we be filled with so much love, maturity and security that we can accurately model the Divine in the ways that are more true to reality.

A powerful story of love, end of life issues, dealing with aging parents, doing the right thing, taking risks, perspectives, letting go and finishing well. Jack and Stacia Woloshun talk about walking through the final year with Sally Woloshun, Jack’s mom (and guest on Get Control podcast #24: Timeless Wisdom). It may not be for everyone, but is especially for those who may be walking by someone with a diminishing life.

Jack, Pap, Sally & Stacia in 2008]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/06/035-finishing-well/feed/0A powerful story of love, end of life issues, dealing with aging parents, doing the right thing, taking risks, perspectives, letting go and finishing well. Jack and Stacia Woloshun talk about...A powerful story of love, end of life issues, dealing with aging parents, doing the right thing, taking risks, perspectives, letting go and finishing well. Jack and Stacia Woloshun talk about...Get Control of Your Life46:43http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/06/035-finishing-well/Believing and Doinghttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/VdynEo3w1tg/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/09/02/believing-and-doing/#respondWed, 02 Sep 2015 19:14:19 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2384Are we meant to BELIEVE or to DO?

Have you thought about it? Which is more important, what you believe or what you do? Can you have one without the other?

This question goes back a long way and has roots in both philosophy and theology.

It helpful to introduce two terms that link the spiritual nature of being and doing.

Orthodoxy is doctrinal correctness; it’s about theory, belief and conviction. It’s about believing the right stuff.

Orthopraxy, on the other hand, is about doing or right practice.

So is it important that we seek truth and try to believe good stuff? Or is it important that we work out our beliefs and values in acts of service?

We might ask, what is a glove without a hand? (One might respond, not very useful at all.)

I was brought up in the Lutheran church, a denomination that was founded on the radical (at the time) convictions of 16th century reformer, Martin Luther. Despite Luther’s belief that even doing simple tasks like housework are as important as the work of monks and nuns, he was overwhelmed with revelation of and the urgent need for an understanding grace. (We might define grace as the undeserved acceptance, love and assistance of the Divine.)

In a historical period where salvation was all about “earning” one’s redemption, Luther’s voice was counter-cultural. He latched onto the Apostle Paul’s writing that “We are saved by grace” (Ephesians 2:8).

We might pause to ask ourselves if it is enough to just believe the right stuff.

Perhaps like me, you have encountered people who seemed to believe the right stuff, yet their behavior was deplorable. In the name of religion, they seemed to be doing “the work of the Lord,” yet didn’t have the decency to love and respect those around them. Many religious people would fall into this category. Some of the rudest people I’ve known were intensely religious. Others were just mean or emotionally or and spiritually disconnected.

Likewise, some of the kindest, most loving people I’ve known have been deeply spiritual and put together. In the case of the latter, there was no divide between what they believed and how they acted.

As I age, I put less and less value on belief. In fact, I look for the fruit in people’s lives.

You can believe anything (and people do!). You can believe Santa will bring you presents on Christmas or that the stars of the universe aligned to give you that bright, shiny new car. Belief is fairly shallow. And belief can be used to justify a whole lot of really crappy behavior (to accomplish one’s agenda).

What you seek and know in your core seems—and how it is worked out practically—seems much more relevant (and mature).

How can you separate who you are from how you live your life?Higher consciousness says there should be a strong correlation. Anything less is nothing short of a huge disconnect.

I conclude that doing and being are both important, and to put one above the other cheapens and diminishes the other.

“Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?

“I can already hear one of you agreeing by saying, “Sounds good. You take care of the faith department, I’ll handle the works department.”

“Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove.”*

So says the cliché about moving forward in life. But personally, I think it’s a good one.

While some of us thrive on change, others of us would rather get a root canal. That said, it seems all of use can be resistant, closed or even defensive to opportunities for change. Our egos can get in the way.

I firmly believe we all need outside influences to get us moving. On our own we get stuck. We resist. We balk.

Oh how often we miss out because we remain in our comfortable lives. We hang out with the same people, eat the same foods, watch the same TV shows.

I think the following from Franciscan priest, Richard Rohr, is worth sharing.

“The Dalai Lama said it well: “Every change of mind is first of all a change of heart.” I would add: ‘Every change of heart is soon a change of mind.’ This is the urgently needed work of mature spirituality…Many folks over the years, even very good-willed people, have read and listened to my presentations of the Gospel yet have actually done very little–in terms of lifestyle changes, economic or political rearrangements, or naming their own ego or shadow selves. After all, “Isn’t church about believing ideas to be true or false? Isn’t religion about attending services?” Most people just listen to my ideas and judge them to be true or false. They either “like” or “don’t like” them. But thinking about ideas or making judgments about what is moral or immoral seldom leads to a radically new consciousness. Transformative education is not asking you to believe or disbelieve in any doctrines or dogmas. Rather it is challenging you to “Try this!” Then you will know something to be true or false for yourself.”*

Rohr went on (in his emailed devotional) to suggest trying new things. It is similar to advice I read in a creative communication book years ago. When we try new stuff, we open up new physical and emotional channels. We actually reduce the ruts formed in our brains from thinking and doing the same stuff over and over. We also spark creativity and jump start problem-solving skills.

Take a different route on your walk or commute home. Eat at a different restaurant. Make a new friend or just try hanging out with someone different than you. Even attempt brushing your teeth with your other hand!

There is so much more to life. We need to pour ourselves a big glass of “TRY THIS!”

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/31/try-this/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/31/try-this/We’re All Connectedhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/1o183I3Dv5k/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/26/were-all-connected/#respondThu, 27 Aug 2015 03:21:06 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2374This week I went back to school…not as a student, but as a teacher at a community college where I’ve taught for almost five years.. I teach communication courses, so it’s vital that I connect with students the first week, help them feel excited about the subject, and let them know they are going to learn AND have fun.

This time I had a new tool in my arsenal.; it’s an energy stick sold by a goofy Denver-based scientist named Steve Spangler that I heard speak last week.

The device is a simple contraption that lights up and plays a noise when the circuit is completed. How do you demonstrate it? You touch another person, then make contact again to complete the electrical circuit.

It’s a perfect demonstration of the reality that we’re all connected.

That’s right, WE’RE ALL CONNECTED in ways we are oblivious to. In fact, all living things are connected.

I demonstrated this to my classes by having everyone form a circle and join hands. Then when they least expected it, I slipped the energy stick to a person standing next to me (instead of grabbing their hand) and the stick lit up and made a noise.

But the moment anyone in the group let go of the person next to them, the stick would cease to entertain. Just one person had to disconnect for the circuit to be cut.

We are all connected.

This reminds me of one of my favorite documentaries. I AM was produced by Tom Shadyac, a director of films that made Jim Carey a household name (Bruce Almighty, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, etc.).

After a nasty bicycle accident, Shadyac set out to explore deep truths about the universe, what make us happy, what it all means, and how we’re all connected. He discovered things like philosophy, wisdom, and heart math!

During filming, a scientist hooked Shadyac up to electrodes that touched a bowl of yogurt. When Shadyac was asked questions that provoked strong emotions, sensors were able to register reactions from the bacterial in the yogurt! That’s right, the bacteria was affected by emotions that a person had! It’ was freakin’ cool!

As a communicator, I know that people’s communication tends to synchronize. It doesn’t take long for you to sync your steps to someone you walk with. We even tend to synchronize our movements and gestures within seconds of encountering another person. But (as the film showed), did you know that we also synchronize our heart rhythms with others?

Please, if you haven’t seen the documentary, find it ! Read about I AM here. Find it streaming on Netflix, or get DVD from retailers like Amazon or Walmart.

Just like the electrical current that flows through us when we link hands, so are we connected in this life and journey on this little blue planet. That’s why our thoughts, energy and actions affect everything.

The evidence is clear for those we are physically close to. I await studies that show other types of connections (like through Facebook)!

It’s not just hocus pocus. We really are all connected. And that’s pretty cool to think about.

For some great learning entertainment, Google Steve Spangler, especially for the segments he’s done on the Ellen show. Here is a taste.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/26/were-all-connected/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/26/were-all-connected/What my dog teaches me about Godhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/kcjdAkH_H14/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/24/what-my-dog-teaches-me-about-god/#respondTue, 25 Aug 2015 03:43:24 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2369I have two dogs. One is a neurotic, co-dependent Schnauzer named Moxie. But despite her quirks, I love her.

The other is a Cairn Terrier named Penne.

(Hence I have a Moxicillin and a Penicillin.)

Though I know the Divine exists in all things, I am particularly struck by how my Penne models God.

She loves me unconditionally. I don’t have to earn her trust of love; she just accepts me.

She is affectionate. She likes to snuggle and licks me with great affection. (I know she likes the salt on my skin in the summer, but I also think it’s her way of saying, “I love you.”)

But the strongest attribute of my little black pooch is that she is keenly aware of me. I get busy and forget all about her; but she keeps tabs on me. When I walk from one room to another (including the bathroom), she follows me; I look down to see the little Penne at my feet.

I think it’s amazing that one being can be so acutely aware and in touch with another. Even as I wrote this last sentence, she walked up and gave me eye contact. I guess it’s her way of “checking in.”

I do thinkthe Divine is acutely aware and attentative, always in touch and never far away.

Like the affection of an amazing little creature, how much more the thought that the creator of the universe not only knows my name, but follows me around wherever I go. Wow. That’s pretty cool.

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/24/what-my-dog-teaches-me-about-god/feed/0http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/24/what-my-dog-teaches-me-about-god/034: Life Stages & Stateshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/erUuygVxz1A/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/22/034-life-stages-states/#respondSun, 23 Aug 2015 01:23:00 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2361Jeannette Slater & Dr. Deb discuss personal growth in light of what some have identified as life stages & states. The conversation was somewhat sparked by a brief article published by Father Richard Rohr on May 3, 2015.

He builds on the work of philosopher, Ken Wilbur who described the differences between life stages & states. Here is a section of the article, though we encourage you to click on the link above and read it in its entirety:

“Your stage of human development has to do with your location in time, your culture, and your education. It has to do with your level of intellectual maturity, how much you’ve been able to integrate thought patterns in a consistent and informed way. Most of us in our lifetimes have grown through a few stages, eventually seeing the limits of each previous stage (both in our own lives and within history), and moving to the next: in general, the ideal tangent is pre-rational, through rational, and on to trans-rational. The trans-rational stage builds on the other two and thus has endless horizons. This is the full trajectory and direction of human growth, with many intermediate stops and starts in between.

“Your state of consciousness is more about your level of inner awakening than mere correct information. How much do you live connected to self and others and the Whole? How much have you overcome your sense of separateness and superiority? How much do body, soul, and spirit work together as one? Have you moved beyond simply reacting? Can you act and think in pure inner freedom? In traditional religious language, how much do you live in union with God?

“Your state is your inner aliveness. Your stage is your outer awareness. The goal is to be both–holy and whole, saintly and wise. But your state and stage don’t always coincide; many of us are stronger in one area than the other.”

These may also be helpful:

James Fowler’s was a Professor of Theology and Human Development at Emory University. Here are his States of Faith

]]>http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/22/034-life-stages-states/feed/0Jeannette Slater & Dr. Deb discuss personal growth in light of what some have identified as life stages & states. The conversation was somewhat sparked by a brief article published...Jeannette Slater & Dr. Deb discuss personal growth in light of what some have identified as life stages & states. The conversation was somewhat sparked by a brief article published...Get Control of Your Life20:06http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/22/034-life-stages-states/What do you see?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gcoyl/~3/Z1MrD5GmkfE/
http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/2015/08/19/what-do-you-see-2/#respondThu, 20 Aug 2015 01:05:43 +0000http://getcontrolofyourlife.org/?p=2357What do you see when you see people?

A problem with living in a world filled with judgments and classifications is that we don’t always look at others in positive ways. We have a tendency to not only compare, but stereotype and make strong conclusions about others. We don’t always deal well with different and messy.

Most of us are socialized to have strong opinions about others. So it is often challenging to look upon others in the best light. We fail to see the Divine in them. We fail to celebrate the uniqueness.

I recently read this quote by the mystic, Thomas Merton from his Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander:

“In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness, of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness. The whole illusion of a separate holy existence is a dream. . . . This sense of liberation from an illusory difference was such a relief and such a joy to me that I almost laughed out loud. . . . I have the immense joy of being [hu]man, a member of a race in which God Himself became incarnate. As if the sorrows and stupidities of the human condition could overwhelm me, now [that] I realize what we all are. And if only everybody could realize this!”*

This reminds me of a similar experience I had; I could have written Merton’s piece myself one day while visiting Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

The night before I heard Landa Cope, a very interesting speaker, talked about the great variety of gender types based largely on when and how much they received of the hormone wash after conception.** Those who receive a lot of testosterone became males. Those who receive less, stay female (we all start out as girls).

But there are not just deep-voiced “’masculine” males and really-girly females; there is a whole variety types.* Male and female are not as strictly defined categories as we think. In fact, much of what we think about the genders are social constructs.

That message I’d heard the night before had a profound effect on me. For a time, I felt less compelled to criticize differences in others and rather see them as wonderful human beings. Walking about the large Malaysian city, seeing faces that were very different from where I live, I was truly filled with love for each one.

When you see others, what do you see? Do you see stereotypes, stuff that turns you off, yucky, and categories and look down on those who are too different or don’t meet your expectations? What bothers you? Race? Sexual orientation? Certain behaviors?

When we deal with our own “stuff,” we are then free to love ourselves and others.

What do you see when you see others? May your heart be filled with overwhelming, unconditional love. You don’t have to judge or fix. Love is your only job.

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”– Ephesians 5:2