Squeamish.

I know my last post was about me taking a break, but this long hiatus wasn't really planned. It all started out quite innocently. I even had a cooking blog post "cooking" for your reading pleasure right around the end of August. I had been running pretty regularly, I was cooking and eating healthily, I was making tutus (whaaaaa?), working, playing house (as always) and writing away. As per usual, I was holding everything together, stitched in place with a quivering, delicate, spindly thread of sanity.

Exhibit B:Trader Joe's ingredients

I had found this excellent recipe that I thought I could make with quinoa (here's a whole post about Quinoa) that used ingredients I had in my kitchen. Most of the ingredients were from Trader Joe's. (here's a whole post about Trader Joe's) These tidbits of info are totally intregal to the tale, so take it all in. I want you to get the whole picture. Before we get too far into the tale, I do want to express that I will not be sharing the actual recipe because the person that originally posted the recipe really and truly loves and believes in this recipe. I will not stomp on anyone else's culinary dreams.

In fact, here's a picture.

Exhibit C: Looks innocent enough, right? Wait for it...

I took pictures that day because I thought my finished project was simply lovely. I couldn't wait to share with you this delicious recipe for what I will call Trader Joe's Tuna Curry. (*urp) Yeah, reading it now makes me want to puke too. Tuna Curry? REAAAAAAAAALLY? Did I think my children were going to run (crawl) excitedly into the kitchen and marvel over their steaming plate of Tuna Curry?

Tuna Curry? You're the BEST, Mom!

Well, er, I guess I kinda did.

Just one month ago, I was doing great. I was totally into the whole, healthy foods thing. I had my cabinets stocked with grains and bookmarks upon bookmarks saved of recipes to turn my family's life around. At the apex of this giant heap of optimism was pinnacle of light that spilled over the unreached masses still feeding their children chicken nuggets. "Moms! Turn in your Lunchables! I have FOUND the answer! Tuna Curry!!! Follow me!" And all of Heaven and Nature sang.

I took a few pics of the Tuna project so I could create an uber-post to celebrate this magical day. I should have seen some of the signs early on, but what's the fun in that? For instance, I had planned to show you a pic of my baby eating it all up...but she didn't eat it all up because I didn't give her any. It smelled wayyy too spicy to give to a baby. If you can detect the heat of a food based on the smell, you may want to take it down a level. Lesson learned. As far as baby went that day, I gave her some of the tuna and some squishy baby food to play in.

Crisis averted.

Once the food was finished, Trader Joe's Tuna Curry and some super spicy quinoa, I staged a photo with a beautiful array of veggies and a freaking gorgeous onion right in the middle.

Onion. Gorgeous. Right?

I piled some on a plate for my son. I avoided most of the veggies, so his was mostly quinoa and tuna. He took a tentative bite, then promptly spit it out all over the table, the floor, the trash can, the hallway, the bathroom sink, the toilet, the bathroom floor, and then wiped his mouth all over the bath towel. I heard the water running as he "pblth! pblth! pblth!" into the sink over and over, desperately and dramatically (who's kid is this again?) ridding his mouth of the putrid, burning fish dish.

"Mom? I want chicken nuggets."

I did not capture this delightful exchange on film.

With my children full of processed foods, I knew it would be up to me to be the change I wanted to see in the world. (*sigh*) My husband was at work, and honestly, I was quite sure once he took a look at it, there would be no way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks he would let this non-domestic-sounding, fish-containing, vegetable-laden cuisine anywhere near his gullet.

I remember a little bit about eating it. I remember thinking the first bite was really good, but the first bite was mostly gorgeous onion. I dug into the quinoa and I too almost spit it out. It was SPICY. I had to keep appearances though, so I choked most of the veggies down, and then set my bowl down to get the kids in the tub. I remember coming back into the kitchen after the kids were in bed to clean up, and trying to get a few more bites down. I wanted the health and nutrients of all the super foods in this dish to heal my soul. How could I get any good soul healing if I couldn't get the food in my belly?

I put a LOT of Trader Joe's Tuna Curry and spicy quinoa in the fridge and then went to lay down with my son for a little bit before my husband got home.

This is the part I remember well.

I have heard it described many different ways by many different people. It's that moment when you realize all is not well. Some people say their mouth fills with water. Some people say their nose starts to burn. Some people's ears start to ring. None of those really apply to me. My son and I were halfway through "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" when what had started out as something along the lines of feeling weird turns into a politely conveyed message from my stomach to my brain, "Sorry, kid. I tried, I really did, but this ain't goin' anywhere but up."

I told my son to stay in bed because Mommy was kind of sick and wanted to lay in her bed. I went into my bathroom and knelt on the floor. I had already accepted my fate. You can get a bit of good thinking done leaning on the toilet, elbows on the seat, staring into the white gleaming porcelain bowl. I remember thinking how grateful I was that I had cleaned the bathrooms that day. I remember thinking, "I'm not a puker. I'm not one of those people. This is not going to happen. I'll fight it..."

When my husband got home, I was on Round 3. I could vaguely hear my son telling my husband, "Mommy's puking up her guts."

My husband came in around Round 5 and dropped off a glass of water and some nausea medicine. "What did you make for dinner, babe? The kitchen smells."

Round 6.

By Round 7, I willed myself into my bed, dragging along the trash can, and to just sleep with my head hanging over the bed just in case.

I somehow managed to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I felt better, but I wasn't about to push it. I could hear clanging in the kitchen, the sound of metal scraping against metal...my husband was throwing away all leftover remnants of *gah* Tuna Curry.

I couldn't make myself run that next week. Or eat anything close to...that stuff.

One week turned into two weeks, excuses upon excuses...

You know how it goes. This is the story of my life.

But here I am. I ran again today for the first time in awhile. I signed up for Weight Watchers online just to see how many points I am eating daily, and to see if I can make some healthy improvements to my daily routine...

And I have used it all of three times in a week and a half. The absolute epitome of self-discipline.

So I guess you could say I am definitely back. Back in the saddle. Back in the bad habit.

5 comments:

Hi there! Mommy here. I just wanted to point out that I still intend on integrating healthier foods into my family's meals, and working with my friend Teeners on some lifestyle changes. Don't fret, I am not completely abandoning my plans. Smooches!

Comment, Comment, Comment! Don't mind if I do! I also wanted to say that I can't even find myself on Top Mommy Blogs anymore, and I got all the way through #125. I don't know if I want you to vote or not. The break from the pressure was kind of nice...

Listen, TMB has been real screwy for me for weeks now. If I click on it, whether from my blog or someone else's, it glitches and I have to restart my computer. I've asked around and it does it for some but not others. Idk what's going on. Haven't even been able to check my votes in weeks. Bleh....

Yey! Glad to see you back to blogging too. Sorry about the dish-disaster. I've been trying all sorts of curries lately and they always come out way too bland because I'm afraid what happened to you will happen to me (Or more likely my husband). Wouldn't it be nice if this was all as easy as it seems in the books?

(By the way, I just got the give away in the mail! Made my entire month! Thank you thank you!)