Archive for the ‘Wicked Wednesday’ Category

That’s right, I’ve moved to a new self hosted site stellakiink.com. This blog will remain active for now but will be closed and redirected to the new site soon. Even though I’ve posted on various social media accounts I know not everyone will be aware of the move until they come here to check in.

As part of this move I will be transferring current subscribers to the new site, hopefully. I’m not very technically inclined so there’s a realistic chance it won’t work. If you currently follow me here I want to thank you for all your support and urge you to go over to the new site, stellakiink.com, bookmark it and subscribe there. I’ve already made a couple posts today and I wouldn’t want you to miss anything. 🙂

I look forward to having you all by my side on this new adventure.

Cheers,
Stella

P.S. This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is “Try something new.” It’s been a while since I’ve posted to Wicked Wednesday, but I felt it apt to post this notice as I started posting for Wicked Wednesday from the very beginning of my very first blog. It somehow feels right that my last post here will be to the Wicked Wednesday meme as well.

This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is “trust.” I’ve talked about here a few times previously. Most notable are Trustand When You Can’t Trust Your Body. Take a read if you haven’t already.

When we talk about trust we are most often referring to trust of another. What about trusting ourselves? What about trusting what we want? Truth be told that is what I have the biggest issue with, trusting myself. Oh, I trust that I can take care of my son and ensure he is happy and healthy. I also trust that I am knowledgeable enough to always have job opportunities available to me. What I don’t trust is verbalizing my wants and desires to my partners. Oh, I can do it here no problem. I can let all my bits hang out here. Telling my partners, in person, face to face with no barrier between us, with no ability to delete and rewrite, well that is something different entirely.

Recently, Mr S and I were having some fun and he said something that made me laugh. I didn’t laugh at him or because it was funny. I laughed at myself. I laughed more as a relief than anything else because he had asked me to do something that I enjoy doing, something that I know we would both enjoy, but haven’t in many years. Why haven’t I done it? I’m not entirely sure. Maybe I thought it was something I shouldn’t do, or something my partners wouldn’t like me doing. Maybe it was just because I never asked before. We often leave things unsaid, desires unfulfilled, simply because we don’t want to open ourselves up and be thought less of or be made fun of for having them.We don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust that what we want is ok, regardless of what anybody else may think.

I want to be talked dirty to. I want to be called names and told what a slut I am.

I want you to say no so I can beg you for what I want.

I want you to photograph me. I want to see what you see.

I want to be desired.

I want you to use me for your pleasure.

I want to be shared by numerous men. I want you to watch.

I want to be naked and play while others watch.

I want to drive my fake cock into you the way you drive your real one into me. I want to make you my bitch.

I want to queen you.

I want to watch you suck another man’s cock. I want to share one with you.

I want to learn how your body reacts to various stimuli. I want to blindfold you so you only feel and experience without any preconceived notions seeing would give you.

I want you to restrain me and force my orgasm, over and over again.

I don’t want you to stop, even when I beg you to.

I want to be able to express all of these things to you and more. If I can tell you what I want here for the whole world to see, why can’t I do it when you ask, when I am laying naked beside you?

Mister S and I were texting the other night as he is currently out of town on business. We weren’t discussing anything serious, just talking about my reminder marks and how we missed each other. Then he asked me if he could play with himself.

“May I play with myself Ms?”

“What’s the rule?” was my response, to which he requested I FaceTime with him. The rule is that he can play if he sends me a picture. Watching in real time was absolutely acceptable, and in some ways preferable. I love to watch and he loves to be watched so it’s a win-win.

I called so we could FaceTime. He quickly walked me through a hallway and into what I am assuming is his room during his stay. Then my view flipped from his handsome face to his cock. I watched as he lay on the bed pulling and tugging and showing his cock off to me. He asked if he could cum and I said no, not yet. We hadn’t done anything like this previously and I wanted to enjoy it.

My “not yet” was ignored, or unable to be followed, and before I knew it he was cumming. I made some comments about how I hated to see his delicious cum go to waste and wished I could clean it all up for him. My view soon changed from his cum covered cock back to his handsome face, for maybe a whole two seconds or so before he thought he heard footsteps approaching and said a quick goodnight.

The entire call was about two minutes from beginning to end and I was left hanging. Which was fine really because I hadn’t brought up my desire to play as well, so he was completely unaware. I can’t fault a guy for not knowing something that I didn’t tell him. I don’t expect him to be a mind reader.

The thing is though, I was pretty much irrelevant to the whole thing. At least that’s how I felt. If he had said he was going to jack off and asked if I wanted to watch I would not have any issue. Him being excited just by me watching would have been fine. I will gladly watch him stroke his cock any day of the week.

My issue is that he asked me if he could play. Then he asked me if he could cum, and yet he came anyway when I told him no. He set my expectation by asking and thereby assuming the submissive role, which put me in the dominant role. And if he wants to be the submissive partner then he needs to listen and abide by what I say. How would he react if he told me to do something while we were playing and I didn’t obey? How would you react to your partner?

I can see your question already. Yes, we switch. Although our main roles are him the Dominant and I the submissive, we do enjoy switching and will do so with each other.

Obviously this was my experience. Mister S may have a completely different view on it, one I will share if he so chooses.

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The scene this morning was more reflective of an eerie Halloween than a merry Christmas. Instead of a beautiful snowfall there was a wet, foggy haze. Right now it is 10°C, or 50°F for my American friends. That doesn’t bring to mind sleigh rides, or snowmen, or Santa Claus.

It is now 11:00, my son is finally asleep, and I need to go wrap his presents to put under the tree. It may not feel like Christmas to me but he is beyond excited. He’s four, he hasn’t had forty years of white Christmas’s and traditions to get in the way of his excitement. In the morning I will be thankful for that. Right now, the next pic says it all. (And yes, it really is hanging on my tree!)

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So, my Sinful Sunday pic this past Sunday. Did you see it? Did it weird you out? I won’t repost it here but, for those who have not yet seen it and would like to, you can follow the link to take you to Crimson Splendour.

To be honest, I’ve had this picture idea for a while but hadn’t found the courage to do it, and although I think it turned out to be one of my best pictures I also think it may well be one of my most controversial. I can tell people have issue with it by the lack of comments and messages about it. My Sinful Sunday posts always generate some love and comments, but not this week. For some reason people tend to get weirded out by menstruation, something they consider to be a pesky monthly visitor.

I know some women get terrible cramping or nausea when they are on, or just about to be on, their periods. I can understand not feeling sexy or wanting to be sexually active when they aren’t feeling well. I wouldn’t want to have sex if I had those side effects with my periods. I’m lucky in that regard though. Aside from the scarlet red that flows between my legs I wouldn’t know it was happening. There has never been a cramp or pain or other ill effect from my period. Several years ago I started the practice of using a calendar to keep track of it as I’ve been surprised more times than I’d like by the appearance of a red spot, or more, on my undies. Although I am quite happy with the way they are I wouldn’t complain about a little heads up when it’s about to arrive.

One thing about my sex drive, I am just as horny when I am menstruating as I am any other time of the month, maybe even more so if that’s possible. I’m like a cat in heat when I have my period. My whore moans hormones go crazy and I am ready to pounce on just about any man within arms reach. Thank goodness I still have some of my wits about me.

I’ve often wondered if other women feel the same way during their time of the month. Some certainly must. I can’t believe that I am the odd one out on this. I was thinking about it the other day and I believe that my sex drive gets a boost from knowing that I am not pregnant when things start to flow. There is something more to it though. Menstruating is purely a female action. We can shed our insides, bleed every month, and still stay standing. It brings to mind a well known song, “I am woman hear me roar… I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman.”

When I was in my early teens I read a story from one of my sister’s magazines that has stuck with me. The young woman in the story was a play toy for the local football team. When she was menstruating though, none of the guys would go near her. Then she found a young man who didn’t care that she was on her period. He did the same things with her as he would do any other time. The last scene of the story was him going down on her, licking and fingering and eating away, on the back seat of a bus heading home after a game. She was on her period.

I loved that story. It was a revelation that men could, or would, play with me while I was on my period. Problem is though, many men are like those football players. They steer clear of you when you have your period. They think the “blood” is messy and dirty and don’t want any part of it. Truth is there is nothing harmful about playing while a woman is on her period. To quote Wikipedia, “Unless a woman has a blood borne illness, menstrual fluid is harmless. No toxins are released in menstrual flow, as this is a lining that must be pure and clean enough to have nurtured a baby. Menstrual fluid is no more dangerous than regular blood.”

Even in my world of kink and BDSM, where I wouldn’t have thought this was an issue, I have found fewer men who will play with a menstruating woman’s vagina than when I was dating more vanilla men. I find it odd that a man will cut you, stick needles in you, and enjoy blood play that way but won’t go near your vagina when it flows red. What’s the deal? Seems so silly and juvenile. If intercourse is part of your play then he should be wearing a condom. It will protect him from the unrealistic harm of your menstrual flow just as it protects from real threats such as sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. If he doesn’t wear a condom because you are monogamous and trust each other, why does that go out the window when you are menstruating? The menstrual flow is no more harmful than saliva or regular pussy juices.

Stop being weirded out by menstruation. Throw an old towel down and have at it.

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Check out this post if you would like to have a little background context to this one.

He was quiet the next two days before trying to initiate another conversation. I didn’t respond.

The third day he apologized again.

I have not responded. That didn’t stop him from sending me a message on FetLife to tell me he received some new toys he had ordered and wanted to use them on me.

WTF?!?

I’ve only met this guy twice. The first was at a munch and the second at a coffee shop for a drink. Both times he barely said a word which left the conversations more than lacking. I don’t even know why I agreed to meet him after the munch in the first place. It wasn’t because I was interested in dating him. I was skeptical about him from the start, which I told him several times. I need to learn to listen to that skeptical voice and quit giving the wrong people chances they don’t deserve.

I should have known he was off his rocker when I didn’t respond fast enough to a message on FetLife one day and he got perturbed. I said, “You do realize I’m working right now?” His response was, “I don’t realize but I can take an educated guess you are working. After you tell me you are working then it is a realization.” Childish response or what? I don’t know when people expect me to be working my 9-5 office job if not between the hours of 9 and 5. Seriously!

There have been a few times when he has gone off on me because I was too busy to respond to him or meet him. He’s said it’s “logically bullshit” that I am too busy. I got a “you listen to me” as well. Excuse me, what now?

What started the exchange above was him asking me if I was currently sexually involved with someone. I said yes, I have a friend. Well, that lead to him saying how terrible I was, how all those times I was busy I was actually going out with my “fuck buddy or laying on (my) back,” and how do I think someone who wants to date me is going to stick around to get dicked around while I do that. Then he started in on how I’m playing him and he won’t allow himself to be punked or insulted like that. He even tried to tell me what a “lying POS” I am because he’s come to some conclusion that I had a fuck buddy when I was seeing MySir. He doesn’t know any of the details about that relationship and had he asked he would have found out.

I’m not going to defend myself here because anyone who reads my blog or follows me on Twitter will already know the truth, enough of it at least to know that the person he was describing isn’t me. Besides that, he had stated about ten minutes into my first meeting him that he reads my blog and thought it was great. Don’t tell me you do something if you don’t, and don’t pretend to know me when clearly you don’t know anything about me or what I’ve been through these past couple of years.

There’s a bunch more but it all seems so stupid and childish. He pretty much screams immature, unbalanced abuser to me. Verbally attacking me, trying to manipulate me, then minimalizing it all by offering to bring me flowers. An apology and “are we cool?” is going to make it all better and I’m just supposed to forgive and forget? I don’t think so. It’s like the woman who gets hit because her husband had a bad day at the office then he buys her flowers and expects her to forget all about the bruise on her cheek. Not this girl. That is abuse, classic abuse, and I won’t accept it.

I may be in my 40’s and currently single, but I would much rather be alone than with a pathetic, delusional little man who thinks verbally attacking a woman, putting her down and blaming her, is the way to get her. There are plenty of real men, kind and considerate men, out there. One will come my way. And if one doesn’t I still have the best man in the world, my son.

BTW, my favorite color is red.

Note: This person has been deleted and blocked on my social media sites. Anyone know if I can block his calls and texts on my cell phone?

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