The International Ice Hockey Federation has announced that a game between the Straubing Tigers (sounds kinky) and EHC München (also sounds kinky) has set a world record for the longest penalty shootout in professional hockey history with 42 attempts. Straubing defeated EHC 5-4 after more than 3 hours of play and 21 rounds of stupid goalies doing their jobs.

Eric Meloche was the hero for Straubing, as he nailed his shot to start the 21st round. Meloche has played 74 games of NHL action in his career, but surely after such a magnificent victory he’ll be on a plane back to the States in no time.

Hey IIHF, I was really hoping to place some blame for this, is that possible?

The Tigers won the shootout with only nine goals in 42 attempts even without their scoring leader Derek Hahn. Hahn was assessed a minor penalty in the last seconds of the five-minute overtime period, which meant that he had to sit out in the penalty box for the longest two-minute penalty in his career – during the entire shootout competition.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!!!

The New York Rangers and Washington Capitals went 15 rounds of overtime in 2005 for the NHL record for longest penalty shootout and the previous IIHF record for longest penalty shootout was held by blah blah blah when they played the *wank wank wank*. But if you’re a stickler for accuracy – or even worse, a French hockey fan – Belarus and France played 13 rounds of penalty shots in the 2002 IIHF U20 Championship. Sunday’s action in Germany was clearly overkill, as the French would have surrendered their record much earlier.

*gives wine to a six-year old, floats away with single balloon*

And since there’s no footage of the overtime action, and I really wouldn’t want to punish you with that, here’s a commercial for the hottest toy in Germany this holiday season.