Mormon gays tread lightly in latest bid for acceptance

Meeting with church leaders called historic

Chicago Tribune/June 29, 2008

By Bonnie Miller Rubin

Salt Lake City - When he was 16, David Nielson divulged his attraction
to men, knowing it could cost him the two great pillars of his life:
his parents and his Mormon faith.

"When you come out, the philosophy here has always been, 'Say goodbye
to your family because they will say goodbye to you,' " said the
postal worker, 24. "But, I believe-and hope-that the climate is
finally changing."

While the church still teaches that gay sex is a sin and actively
opposes gay marriage-which it will do from pulpits across California
this Sunday-a first-ever meeting between Mormon officials and members
of an advocacy group for non-straight Mormons, might suggest that such
acceptance is more than wishful thinking.

Affirmation, which has more than 2,000 gay, lesbian and transgender
members worldwide, officially requested the meeting earlier this year,
shortly after Thomas Monson became president of the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Kim Farah, a representative for the church, confirmed the appointment
with LDS Family Service Commissioner Fred Riley and Harold Brown of
LDS Social Services, but declined to comment further.

Duane Jennings, president of Affirmation's Salt Lake City chapter,
called the conversation "historic."

"With the new president, it just seemed like an opportunity for a new
beginning," he said.

The group's leaders don't expect any doctrine change to come out of
the meeting, set for August, but they hope it will be a first step
toward mutual understanding and healing.

Over breakfast on a recent Sunday morning, Jennings and Nielson, also
an Affirmation activist, cite examples of the church's intolerance
toward homosexuality, including expulsion from church-owned Brigham
Young University, where Affirmation was founded in 1977.

The 13 million-member denomination has also had a long history of
supporting "pro-family" politics. The official LDS position is that it
is permissible to be homosexual as long as one is celibate, the same
standard of morality used for unmarried heterosexual members.

Most recently, the church has joined other evangelical congregations
to support a proposed constitutional amendment that would recognize
only marriages between a man and woman, reversing a recent California
Supreme Court decision.

A statement to be read in California churches on Sunday declares
Mormon teachings "on this moral issue are unequivocal."

The proclamation, signed by Monson and two other church leaders,
concludes: "We ask that you do all you can to support the . . .
amendment by donating of your means and your time . . . to preserve
this sacred institution."

This campaign will not derail the August meeting, Dave Melson,
Affirmation's assistant executive director, said Friday.

"From our side, this will not change things. . . . It is
disappointing, but we are going in with an open mind," said Melson,
who will be at the table in August. "We are taking the church at its
word, that they are still planning to meet in good faith."

However, one look at Affirmation's Web site reveals that not all gay
Mormons want to extend an olive branch.

"It's a total waste of time," posted one anonymous member.

Still, others embraced the upcoming forum: "This meeting is past-due.
. . . but if we want them to cease persecuting us . . . then we have
to come to them and show them that we are as God intended."

Nielson is among those who hope for a productive
conversation-especially if it helps reduce suicide in Utah. Suicide is
the second-leading cause of death for young males in Utah, according
to state health data. Both Nielson and Jennings suggested gay Mormons
were over-represented in that death toll.

Salt Lake City has a vibrant gay community-including a Gay Pride
Parade, held earlier this month, which draws more participants than
the same event in Las Vegas. But the rest of the state can be "very
nasty," Nielson said.

Active participation in the church was a way of life for his family,
he said. When he was a teen, he recalled being chased with scissors by
peers in the congregation, who exhorted him to stop being so
"different."

But the real blow came when he was denied a chance to serve on a
mission, a rite of passage for Mormon men and women.

Ironically, Nielson's mother has converted to Catholicism; his father
is still an LDS member but has "distanced" himself. Only Nielson has
stayed.

There are so many aspects of the church that he loves-the music,
emphasis on education, a chance to serve and share one's talents with
others-that he accepts the discomfort.

"I have to generate my own welcomeness," he admitted. "If I didn't
know this is the true church, I would have left a long time ago."

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