SEX ADVICE: Introducing An Open Relationship To Your Monogamous Partner

It seems like there’s a growing interest in the concept of open relationships…

So…you’re in a monogamous relationship and want to start a conversation with your partner about opening things up. The first step is understanding the lifestyle, because opinions on monogamy and open relationships will vary from one person to the next.

If an open relationship is something you’re interested in exploring, it can be difficult to introduce the idea to your monogamous partner. But there is a process that I’ve found to be successful in broaching the topic.

Start off by dropping subtle hints about the topic to see how your partner responds. Next? Create yourself a “sales pitch” of sorts; explain why opening up your relationship will be beneficial to each of you, as well as together as a couple. Think of success stories and come up with answers to questions you think your partner might ask; cover the pitch from every angle you can think of. Why will this change be good for you?

If your partner is hesitant about the idea, suggest trying things out first. You can organize a group activity where you play together, or allow your partner to choose someone to play with on their own and see how they feel.

Throughout the process, it’s important to remember that the most important step for a successful open relationship is communication. Honest, trusting candour.

Opening up your relationship means you’ll have to deal with a lot of emotion; feelings can take on all sorts of shapes including fear, sadness, jealousy, inadequacy and anger. Communication means talking about comforts, creating rules and reassuring each other when needed. Communication means talking about comforts, creating rules and reassuring each other when needed. Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings—your relationship will need that communication more than ever. Being open also means being non-judgmental. This new relationship will require a lot of acceptance on both ends. It’s important to remember to have fun with the freedom, but remember that you still have a primary partner who deserves your respect.

On the note of having fun, try socializing with other couples who are in open relationships, and learn from their experiences. Going from monogamous to open means you’ll need time for trial and error. You’ll need to be patient, and willing to learn from mistakes without making anyone feel guilty. Move at your own pace, and more importantly your partner’s pace, and never apply pressure to the relationship—not everyone wants to be open, so don’t force it.

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ASHLEY L. WILLIAMS is an essential part of the team at Seduction Love Boutique, being one of two main contributors to the Toronto stores’ marketing department as well as a dedicated sales manager. Seduction has proudly served the community since 1998; follow it on Instagram: @SeductionTO.