At the very least, we beat Villanova yesterday. That should be reward in itself. But, as I see it, yesterday was a pretty damn good day.

Bowling Green 27, Pitt 17

Utah 25, Michigan 23

East Carolina 27, Virginia Tech 22

That’s a full day of orgasmic defeats and upsets. So while you’re busy bitching about the defense, just remember yesterday was a good day for the Mountaineers. Think any of those three teams listed above would trade places with us?

So there’s a vicious rumor going around town that there’s a game tomorrow.

I didn’t want to believe it. As far as I’m concerned, it’s still baseball season. Or women’s soccer season. To be honest with you, I’m still satisfied with my lingering Olympics high. That synchronized diving really did it for me. I felt that sport in my naughty place(s).

But, either way, I am in Morgantown. If there’s a football game tomorrow, so be it.

With college football season now just hours away, I though this the best time for a public service announcement.

There will be a lot of big wins this season, and at times, you may feel yourself wanting to celebrate. Like, a lot. Like with tons of booze, a can of gasoline, and a box of matches. To that, I say. “Go nuts!” Have fun. You’re young and you only live once, blah, blah, blah, etc. Just don’t burn my couch.

But, just as there will be big wins, there will also be big losses. Appalachian State’s win over Michigan Michigan’s loss to Appalachian State last year immediately comes to mind. As does Utah’s victory over Michigan Michigan’s crushing defeat to Utah this Saturday (remember, I can see the future). At these points, instead of celebrating, it might seem more appropriate to gently masturbate while sobbing in the public dorm shower. To that, I say “No!” And the University of Michigan agrees with me.

So no matter what happens this year — whether there be wins (see: WVU) or losses (see: Michigan) — just be responsible. Because couch fires are eventually extinguished, but semen related costs are forever.

Looks decent enough. From outside Chicago, so I have no beef there. Though he is an English major, so we should go into this thinking that just touching a girl’s leg is an accomplishment.

The reason we’re meeting our boy Emmett is because he wrote a piece for the Villanova student newspaper entitled, “I wish they all could be Villanova girls.” (This is what you find when you’re looking for hump day material.) I was intrigued enough to read the entire thing. Now, I kind of wish that I hadn’t.

Here are some excerpts on just why, exactly, Mr. Fitzpatrick wants all girls to be “Villanova girls:”

(Just for the record, this also goes for CBS, SI, Rivals, Scout, and every other news media outlet in existence, past, present, or future.)

This has to stop. Seriously, it has to. It’s the most annoying thing that I, as a Mountaineer fan, have to endure on a daily basis. What is it that I am talking about? This:

you see college football live? herbstreit hates us. fuck him.

Or some variation. It happens once a day, whether on the message board or by the water cooler. Sometimes, people will even call me to tell me about such a display on ESPN, etc. They’ll e-mail me. They’ll send smoke signals, carrier pigeons, morse code, telegraphs, or telepathy. But somehow, someway, they manage to let me know that ESPN “totally hated on us” today.

Here’s my response: “Yeah, I saw it.” Then I try to look busy. But do you know what I’m really thinking?

I DON’T CARE. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

About 95% of me wants to yell that in their face and kick their ass, too. But the other 5% thinks that the resulting felony conviction just isn’t worth it.