7 inevitable side effects of living in Alabama

1. You develop a love/hate relationship with snow.

The threat of snow leaves us with the same thoughts racing in our minds: “Will it actually snow?” “Should I even go to work?” “What if I get stuck in traffic because of ice?” “What if nothing happens and I waste a day of work?” “Do I have enough milk and bread in this house?” As excited as we want to be about two inches of snow — referred to as a ‘snowpocalypse’ — we mostly find the “maybe yes, maybe no” nature of snow annoying.

2. You adopt an “I’ll do it my damn self” attitude.

Nobody in Alabama likes asking for favors. We have way too much pride to let anyone know that we need help. We pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and do what needs to be done.

3. You pick up the accent without meaning to, or even realizing you’ve done it.

You’ll slowly transition from “large tractor,” to “big o’ tracter.” I reckon if your Yankee friends hear you, they’ll have a good laugh.

4. You adapt to humidity.

Who am I kidding, nobody adapts to our humidity. You will, however, figure out ways to keep your hair calm, and you will more or less adjust to the sensation of breathing underwater.

5. You become very picky about your iced tea.

The closer you get to the Gulf, the closer you get to diabetes, and baby, Alabama’s as close as you can get. If anyone in Alabama offers you an unsweet tea, bless their hearts, because it’s time for them to check into an asylum. Tea can never be too sweet or too cold, and eventually, you’ll also demand a certain number of ice cubes in your perfectly sweetened tea.

6. You forego lavish vacations in favor of the Gulf.

Why wouldn’t you? It’s the location of some of America’s sexiest beaches, and the towns have great food. In addition, it is possible for Alabamians to live at an even slower pace than they normally do, and you’ll see that on the Gulf Coast.

7. You pick a side.

We’re not talking North vs. South; we’re talking Alabama vs. Auburn college football teams. Choosing your team is THE most important decision you can make as an Alabamian, and despite parental influences, it’s important that you make up your own mind. It’s also important to be civil during football season, and especially during the Iron Bowl.