When moving on from your ex has failed!

It is been 2 years and 3 months and counting that they broke up, she wondered into my office with her eyes all dark from the lack of proper sleep for days, weeks, months – what the heck, it’s going on three years! Moving on from your ex is the biggest challenge that some face.

She tried yoga, pilates, rumba, no contact and even disappeared in the mountain for days with her closet friends, she just could not shake the hold that her ex is having on her. How can you reconcile after years of still not moving on from your ex?

That the the million dollar question that I am been asked over and over on Relationship Talk.

You read those famous blogs online that are suggesting that once you put in the work in a while you will be fine, that destroying all the things that remind you of that special person, that doing 30 days of no contact should start the process of healing, filling your days with hobbies, spending time with family, finding a rebound to hang out and do crazy things should guarantee you getting over your ex.

When all of that is done you are still feeling that gut wrenching feeling when you hear his/her name called, you still get that feeling of rejection “I was not good enough for him/her”, that hopeless feeling of never finding that kind of love again, oh why me? Why can’t I get over the stupid feeling of LOVE!

Now is not the time to give up…now is the time to start the process all over again and add some, and I am not suggesting for a minute that all those advice were exactly accurate.

Struggle a little bit. Cover up the pictures of them in your room; throw the presents they gave in the back of their sock drawer. But don’t give in. Don’t give them your heart back, they don’t deserve it. Remind yourself that despite the length of time it is taking you, there is hope yet.

2. Remind yourself of the good parts of being single.

YOU get to pick what to watch on TV every night. YOU get to pick what’s for dinner. They didn’t like Chinese food? Eat Chinese food until you’re sick to your stomach. Get comfortable sleeping in a cold bed. Make decisions by yourself. It’s your time to shine, baby.

3. It is time to look in the mirror.

It is said that for those who have lasted a long time in getting over the ex were those who were still hoping that despite everything there is no one better. However it is advice to lose some weight, quit the addictions, eat right and interestingly enough, start drinking 6 cups of water for the day.

4. Have a good cry.

Maybe cry a little bit more. Debate texting them, but hand your phone over to your friend. They say real men do not cry and so that was the last thing some of us would want to do, however a good cry will release those hormones or toxins from the body, says Lauren Bylsma, a PhD student at the University of South Florida in Tampa, who has focused on crying in her research.

5. Tell yourself you are okay… EVERYDAY!

Wake up and realize how good you’ve got it. One day you’ll start to believe it.

6. Fall in love again.

Believe it or not you can and will fall in love again, however, the only way that will happen is if you are open to it, never doubt it as in truth moving on from your ex can indeed by a challenge.

Hey and if after another couple of months you are still here, start all over again.