Politics, parenting and other irritations

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Golden

It’s 3am and once again I am awake with my mind racing. A hybrid mix of things I have neglected to do and things I have done badly, a friend of mine calls this the “highlights reel”. Depending on the day, the season or the worry stone my mental thumb is rubbing, the highlights could include anything from emails and reports I haven’t gotten to or cruel remarks I made in high school. The possibilities are endless.

I was thinking this habit, which I know is shared by millions of other self-flagellating unfortunates, has potential as a book series. Like the beloved Little Golden Books of my childhood, I am imagining Little Golden Showers: Ways To Piss on Your Life, a bedside primer of fables for the middle aged insomniac.

Instead of The Poky Little Puppy, we would have “The Undeserving Little Puppy” who reaps rewards by taking advantage of the other puppies glaring errors and inability to notice behavior patterns. The Little Red Hen would become “The Little Red Martyr” who suffers from the delusion that she asks for help and is refused, when hidden cameras reveal she deflects all assistance because “she wants it done right”. The Shy Little Kitten and the Tawny, Scrawny Lion are opposite ends of oblivious feline behavior demonstrating naïveté and selfishness.

And then there is The Giving Tree which doesn’t even need a re-write to be renamed The Guilt Tree, or Are You Really Doing Enough for Your Child? So many titles, so many opportunities for creativity.