Study Finds Use of Gang Signs by Middle Class Whites on the Rise

PRINCETON, NEW JERSEY – A recent study by the Department of Sociology at Princeton found that up to 98% of middle class white adults flash or “throw” gang signs when they are being photographed. The three year study also reveals that 99.9% of those throwing the gang signs have never been in a gang, haven’t the slightest idea what the sign they are throwing means and do not listen to rap music.

“It is a perplexing phenomenon for sure,” Professor Allen Clydesdale told the Daily Rash. “It was quite surprising to meet a thirty-year-old physical therapist from Beardstown, Missouri, who subscribes to Readers Digest and leads a quilting group at the local library admit she practices throwing gang signs in front of a mirror at home.”

“Sure I throw a gang sign every now and then. It’s a way for me to let the world know that I’m not a typical suburban thirty-something who doesn’t have a clue. I have a clue! Gang signs are just one of the ways I telegraph that to others. I also have a unicorn tattoo on my shoulder,” Gladys Sullivan told The Daily Rash on her lunch break at Mount Monocle Hospital in Beardstown.

Professor Clydesdale said it was perplexing when he attempted to understand why men and women in middle and upper middle class white neighborhoods gesture with pretend hand signals that mimic inner-city gang members. He said that many subjects of his study feel that other people think of them positively because they are able to relate to poor black people who are violent. Knowing or understanding black people who live in ghettos makes them superior to their friends who don’t know any black people and who have never driven through poor parts of town where guns are fired.

“I started throwing gang signs in photos way back in Pre-Med,” admitted Doctor Andrew Klondike II, a Podiatrist in Carmel, Indiana. “Then I noticed a lot of my friends implementing gang signs in Facebook photographs, wedding photographs, even pictures taken at funerals. I took the time to learn obscure inner city jargon so that when I’m with large groups of white people I stand out more than my friends who just throw gang signs.”

Peter Peterson, a 38 year-old accountant living in Irvine, California, feels that it is important to exude a cosmopolitan or worldly persona when interacting with other professionals in the accounting world. Peter and his wife Peggy threw their first gang signs at Peggy’s parent’s 40th wedding anniversary party several years ago. Peggy says the response from her family and friends was invigorating.

“Peter showed me a three finger gang sign before the party and we agreed to throw them whenever we were photographed. I was very nervous at first, it kind of reminded me of how I felt when I lost my virginity in high school. You know, like you know what you’re about to do might be frowned upon but you do it anyway. In fact, that’s why you do it in the first place! After Peter and I started throwing gang signs we began to get invitations to parties from people who were better than us. People that I used to dream about being seen with noticed me. It’s just such a relief to finally be part of the in crowd.”

Professor Clydesdale said that white people who throw gang signs in photographs tend to have healthier self-esteem than white people who just smile or wave.

“When people temporarily discard the shackles of normal behavior and allow themselves to branch out, break away from the same ol’ same ol’, it can be intoxicating. Many said that throwing a gang sign makes them feel alive again. That it’s a way of warding off the thoughts of horror that permeate their lives. For those who have never been noticed it’s a safe way to feel dangerous and intimidating. For so many middle class white people, being seen throwing gang signs is a way to stand out from the crowd while also temporarily warding off the terrifying thoughts of insignificance that saturate the daily lives of many who live in the suburbs.”