“What sold us on this concept was the idea of mixing oats and nuts together,” said a spokesman form Upton-Tebo Investors (UTI) Friday. “Once these guys suggested it, we were like, ‘yeah, that totally makes sense.’ We like to think of this product as blurring the boundary between breakfast category and snack category. You can eat it with your hands in the afternoon, but you can also eat it with a spoon in the morning. Did you get that? Spoon or hands. Hands or spoon.”

“When we first installed the ‘escalator’ exhibit, a lot of people thought it would be a way to travel between the 1st floor of the mall and the movie theaters,” said 29th Street Mall curator Desiree D’Nie-D’Napolo. “They didn’t understand that this piece was the physical manifestation of the idea of an escalator. They said ‘why would anyone put a complicated electronic piece of equipment outdoors in a place that gets about 4 months of snow in the winter, 100 degree temperatures in the summer, and driving winds in the spring and fall?’ — which just goes to show that people in Boulder just don’t get art. I mean, just look at all of those people still trying to use 36 as a highway.”

While many Boulder residents are welcoming downtown urban renewal projects with excitement, some are worried about what rising home prices will do to the character of neighborhoods. “We value having residents who shop at Alfalfas, but also having residents who shop at Whole Foods,” said downtown Boulder neighborhood association member Nick Healy. ”The question is, how can we attract upper upper-middle class residents without forcing out the middle-upper class?”

While millions of Americans applauded Sony’s decision to release “The Interview” into theaters, it put most of them in the awkward position of feeling like now they had an obligation to watch the film. ”My desire not to see James Franco act or speak on camera is competing with my sense of patriotic duty right now,” said Boulder’s Pete Edgar on Friday. “It’s the classic Phantom Menace dilemma: can I still call myself an American without actually watching this movie?”

Amy Poehler writes in her new book Yes, Please! that taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting. “These are words to live by” said James Riehner, a local alcoholic drug addict. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. Anyone who tells you to play by the rules and take the predictable, reliable route in life hasn’t seen the excitement of a knife fight under a bridge at 4am in 20 degree weather conducted entirely with shards of glass.”

James Rogers breathed a sigh of relief today as he put in the last and final bid for a pair of used Rapha bibs. ”Did I spend a little more than I wanted to on a used chamois? Maybe.Were there other things I could have been doing with 7 hours? Probably. Is a 100% wool chamois impractical? Possibly,” said Rogers. “But when you see something you want in life, you have to go after it. That’s how I felt about my wife, and that’s how I feel about these slightly broken in bibs. I have to say that bidding against so many other committed cyclists today brought out my competitive gotta-get-out-in-front spirit, the same spirit that makes me the right person to ride around in Rapha chamois hoping someone notices the logo.”