Dog Park Tales: A Day in Poo Land.

Warning: Humans suffering from highbrow humor disorder, irritable wit syndrome, or sensitivity to john jokes (not hookers or brother-in-laws) should not read past this line.

Just remember. You were warned!

BEFORE DOG CRAP BECOMES SHOE SPLAT.

A trip to the local dog park, where free-range canines run in 6-packs, 12-packs, 18-packs or more, brings a flush of pride to a dog owner’s cheek and a smush of poo beneath the shoe.I really stepped in that one! Scraping bottom of shoe against large rock.

For the dog owner, finding a canine dropping often becomes a game of “which crap is mine?” as there is a variety to choose from — the same challenge we face everyday at the grocery store, although with processed food, not food already processed.

Unless a dog owner has an intimate knowledge of what descends from his dog’s behind, it can be a daunting task to find the remains of fido’s breakfast. What is a dog owner to do? Put the poo bag on his hand and turn it into a poo puppet? No! Just approach Area Number 2 with caution and pick up any stool. During the winter, any poo will do. Those are the hard-facts on frozen feces. To learn more, visit www.crapogenics.org.

While the dog days of summer produces countless hurls, uh, er hurtles, as a hot steaming pile of shit is a slick wily creature that can change appearances at any given moment in order to give the poo hunter the slip. When conducting summer stool reconnaissance, it is best to choose the mutt muffin from the dog with a hi-fiber diet, unless you happened to arrive at the park on Taco day, then it is highly recommended that you put pebbles in your poo bag when no one is looking.