Monthly Archives: October 2011

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Mike Teavee – No Boundaries

Kids need boundaries they crave them. Kids do not feel safe or loved in an environment where they can do whatever they want. It sounds very loving to embrace your child’s creative desire to do whatever they want. I believe it is cruel. By allowing you kids to do what they want you handicap their future spiritually, morally and financially.

I have seen over the years a vast array of parents whose standards and methods I disagreed with and some I agreed with wholeheartedly. The key to the success in raising kids who have boundaries is CONSISTENCY.

If I could give one action item to parents it would be this come up with your boundaries and rules by which your house functions and be consistent. When I was raised kids were spanked for everything until the age of 13 or 14. I don’t agree with spanking kids that are that old I don’t think it accomplishes what you are trying to do. That being said I am not affected by those events because my parents were consistent in their love and correction. Did they make some mistakes, of course, as will I. When you are consistent in your love and correction your kids have a context for any mistakes you may make.

I have friends who spank and friend who don’t. I personally have chosen to use other forms of correction in addition to spanking. No matter what you choose as a form of correction, choose something and be consistent.

Whatever you do be consistent.

Hosea 12:6
What are you waiting for? Return to your God!Commit yourself in love, in justice!
Wait for your God,
and don’t give up on him—ever!

When we give our kid what they want all the time we are not teaching them the importance of trusting God. Learning at a young age to trust God is priceless. I learned from a very early age that “life is not fair” and “you will not always get what you want.” By giving our kids what they want we rob them of valuable life lessons that will prepare them for inevitable disappointments life hands out. When you learn how to respond in a responsible way to disappointment and trust God no matter what your faith will never be shipwrecked.

My wife read this and I think it is powerful. When girls get whatever they want they become manipulative. When boys get whatever they want they become lazy.

Proverbs 30:15

15 “The leech has two daughters.
‘Give! Give!’ they cry.
“There are three things that are never satisfied,
four that never say, ‘Enough!’:

The next trap I think many parents fall into is the wrong priorities trap.

We communicate to our kids every day what is important. By what we say but far more by what we do. I will start off by saying I am a very competitive person. I like to play and I love to win. I also think sports are a very important part of a child’s life.

So having said all that let me talk about an area in our culture that I believe has gotten way out of whack. That area is youth sports. I have gone to many games that kids from our church have been involved in. I am always amazed at the level of interest, passion and excitement exuded by these parents. They will sit there on those cold metal bleachers in snow, wind or rain.

What perplexes me most is that many of those same parents are not involved at any level with their kids on the weekend at church. They are not involved or actively engaging their kids in their spiritual walk at all. And many times these same parents are perplexed as to why when their kids are teens they never discuss anything about their spiritual life.

What matters most. How do you show it. Don’t just tell your kids God is cool make it an adventure. Be a part or their discovery of who God is.

Many parents I have found are a bit intimidated by a crowd of kids. I have seen powerful things happen in our kids church by parents who rolled up their sleeves and taught 14 kids about the power of God’s word and how it changed their life forever.

Practical stuff:

If you asked your kids what you love most what would they say?

Can you put your bum (CM talk for butt) where you mouth is? (What I mean by this one is this. If you say church matters will you be willing to step out sit on the ground and lead a small group for a wonderful group of 8 year olds? )

Are you proud of how you use your time?

Can you say with clarity of conscience. Follow me as I follow Christ.

Can you give your kids specific examples of how you have loved God and loved others this week.

Philippians 3:12-14

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

The best line of the clip below is

“But I can’t have a daughter as a blueberry. How is she supposed to compete?”

We live in a day and age now were we are blessed with so much. So much food, entertainment, money. We have so much we are so blessed! This should be great news for our kids, but is it? The down side to all this blessing is that kids now days have to be taught self-control more than ever. This is huge. They have so many options.

We live in a society that says yes, yes, yes to everything. We need teach our kids as parents and children’s works to not stick our heads in the sand and say no, but to say enough. I think as a church while the world is saying yes we have said no (because it is easier in the short term. We should be saying enough not no.) I believe saying no to everything doesn’t teach self-control. I think saying enough does. Are secular movies bad? Is secular music? Are Trans-Fat’s? Let me say that the enough line is a very personal and God defined thing. We need to guard against the onslaught of choice so our kids learn that even to much of a good thing is a bad thing.

If we as parents don’t jealously guard those options from a young age we are training them to be gluttons. Left to ourselves we always overindulge. Areas were I feel kids are gluttons: Food, Entertainment, Fashion.

I will end today’s post with a couple of practical suggestions on instilling self-control in your kids at an early age.

Instead of asking you kids what they want to eat and giving it to them. Ask do you want carrots or peas? Give them a choice between two healthy items.

Teach your kids to enjoy their food but stop when they feel full or right before then.

Come up with creative alternatives to TV watching. Kids sit and watch sit and play video games way to much.

Kids need to learn from a young age to have friends of the opposite sex and how to treat them appropriately.

When your kids become fashion aware. Give your kids the money you would have paid to buy them a pair of jeans and let them pay the extra for the designer jeans of their choice.

Fight the urge to buy them everything on their list for Christmas and birthdays.

Proverbs 25:28 Like a city whose walls are broken down
is a man who lacks self-control.

Enjoy the following clip of Augustus falling in the chocolate river.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYBAlb96wGI

Importance of Family.

As a children’s pastor you see the good the bad and the ugly of family. I have come to realize that great churches, youth churches and children’s ministries are just as much a reflection of great parenting as they are great pastoring.

This week I want to take a parabolic look at being a great parent and how we as children’s pastor’s can help partner with parents.

I recently watched Charlie and the chocolate factory. I remember the first time I watched this movie, I was a bit creeped out by Johnny Depp’s character who I felt resembled Michael Jackson with a better Plastic surgeon but by the end of the movie I was impacted by the powerful theme of the importance of family. I was struck by the mistakes that parents made in the movie. I found them to be a caricature of real life. There were many times I was laughing. For something to be funny it needs two things…. timing …… and must be relate able. (Perhaps one of reasons I found the movie funny is as a children’s pastor at times you feel like Willy Wonka.)

I want to talk this week about the relate able aspect of these characters. Sometimes I think we can say “Thank God I am not like that parent.” But I can see how I could be every one of those parents in the movie if I am not careful.

About Me

My name is Sam Luce and I have been the children’s pastor at Redeemer Church in Utica NY for the past 18 years. Currently I am serving as the Pastor of families for all our campuses. This is my personal blog it is focused on leadership, children's ministry and creativity.