Saturday, January 30, 2016

Yesterday, I made rice omelets for dinner. I cooked the meal using liberal amounts of salt and bacon grease. My eldest son raved about the taste. He ate every last morsel on his plate. I'm the king of rice. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I completed season seven of Mad Men. I have no complaints. Pete gets a gig working for Lear Jet. He brings his ex-wife Trudy along for the ride. Meanwhile, Roger Sterling runs away with Megan's French-Canadian oversexed mother. But Don takes the cake. He hangs out with hippies in California and goes on to create a famous Coke commercial. Don's an ad-man till the bitter end. If you love drama, then Mad Men is a must.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My children are smart and healthy. Plus we are wealthy enough to eat meat. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in the Congo.

I went to bed at 12 a.m. I had a vivid dream. I was on a bus sitting next to UFC tough guy Josh Barnett. The mountain road was treacherous, and I gripped his arm fearfully. Later, we stopped at a tourist trap. Donald Trump was there giving interviews, but he wouldn't talk to me. I was very disappointed.

I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Many married women in North Korea cheat on their spouses in order to make extra money. The husbands are OK with this arrangement because the family needs to eat. Ironically, the reclusive nation forbids divorce any under circumstances. I live on a strange peninsula.

I turned on CNN. Hillary Clinton was caught in yet another lie. Her email scandal is the gift that keeps on giving. It turns out that twelve of the messages she shared over her private server are labeled top secret by the State Department. This woman's a dishonest pig. Nevertheless, she might be our next president. I just don't get it.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I fried the bird using liberal amounts of grease and salt. It came out all brown and crispy and delicious. My son loved the meal. He ate every last morsel on his plate. Poultry's my specialty. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju. I've been drinking too much lately. I should stick to cola.

I watched several episodes of Mad Men. I'm currently on season seven. Marriage doesn't seem to suit Don. He divorces Megan and starts banging a mentally unhinged waitress. Meanwhile, Roger fires Ken to please the boys at McCann. However, his scheme backfires. Ken lends a great job at Dow and vows revenge against his former buddies.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I thanked the Savior for all my gifts. My shack is warm, and I've got plenty of food in the refrigerator. Plus I can afford meat. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Liberia.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Korean men often take sex vacations to the Philippines. They impregnate the women and abandon the children. There's now a blog dedicated to exposing these fellows. However, the owner of the website is being sued for defamation.

I turned on CNN. Once again, Donald Trump's dominating the headlines. He's decided to drop out of the FOX Republican debate on Thursday night. Good for him. He was walking into a trap. Trump doesn't have to kiss the media's ass to win the nomination. I've never been this excited about a presidential race. We might actually get a president who isn't owned by the banks.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Yesterday, I made pancakes for dinner. I also cooked eggs and toast. I'm pretty good with breakfast materials. I'm a real Betty Crocker. My son adored the meal. He ate every last morsel on his plate. He calls me the king of the kitchen. His words make me feel like half-a-fag. Oh well. What's a daddy to do?

I washed the vittles down with Jinro soju. I have a soju strategy so that I can get buzzed without catching a nasty hangover. I consume two bottles with a large glass of Cass beer. I wake up strong and loaded for bear.

I finished season six of Mad Men. The show's wonderful. Don goes into a dreamy trance and tells the boys from Hershey Chocolates about being raised in a whorehouse. Of course, his firm loses the account. Consequently, he's placed on indefinite leave for his erratic behavior. Meanwhile, Pete Campbell gets suspended from Chevy because he doesn't know how to drive. Mad Men is must see television. You'd be crazy not to view it.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked Jesus for my myriad of blessings. I get to eat meat on a daily basis. Lots of people aren't that fortunate. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Chad.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about an old childhood friend. We discussed masturbation. We agreed that jerking off was much more difficult in our day. It was hard to find porno. But now with the internet the kids have it much easier than us. The conversation was pleasant.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are facing off on Sunday. I believe that the Patriots will win. Brady's the greatest quarterback in the game's history. No one has ever come close to his ability to pull out wins. He's truly a marvel.

I turned on CNN. There was a special about marijuana. According to Dr. Gupta, weed is both positive and negative. It's great when used as medicine. But when the drug is used strictly for pleasure, problems arise. Potheads have lower IQ's than the rest of us. They also tend to be lazy and petulant.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Yesterday, I cooked chicken for dinner. I fried the bird using liberal amounts of salt and grease. I'm the king of poultry. The meal was absolutely delicious. My son cleaned his plate with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. I washed the vittles down with water. I wasn't in the mood for alcohol.

I watched Mad Men. I'm currently on season six. It's a great series. All the critics love it. And I can see why. Don's currently porking his neighbor. The poor man has a tough time keeping his pants on. Unfortunately, his daughter Sally catches him in the middle of coitus. She runs away crying. Meanwhile, Roger continues to drink and drop acid. Roger's one of the funniest characters in the history of television.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy misanthrope. I thanked the Savior for all my blessings. My life might not be perfect, but things could be much worse. I'm just thankful that I wasn't born in Djibouti.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamed that I was in Alaska drinking and smoking in a tavern. I had to catch a train. I asked all the customers for a drive to the station because I feared I would miss an important meeting.

I woke up at six a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Dear Abby was interesting. A young woman finds out that her BFF wants to be a man. She considers the concept strange and fears that her buddy is walking on dangerous ground. Sex is a weird thing. I always give the fags, lezbos, and lady-boys a pass. Who am I to judge? After all, my demons have demons.

I turned on CNN. There was a school shooting in Canada. Four people were killed. I know lots of Canadians. They're always up my ass about violence in America. But these problems are global. The world's filled with loons, and we all have one foot in the grave. So what's a boy to do?

Friday, January 22, 2016

Yesterday, I went with my eldest son to Emart. Emart is the Korean version of Walmart. I bought bacon and soju. I prepared the bacon for dinner along with fried rice. The pork cooked up all crisp and thick and delicious. My boy ate every morsel. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jirno soju. I got quite intoxicated for less than three dollars. Good for me.

I listened to The Howard Stern Show. Howard cruelly taunted a retarded man named Asian Pete. Pete has a low IQ and an extreme speech impediment. It's hard to understand a word that comes out of his mouth. He works at Home Depot helping the customers. He's been employed for eight years. To me, guys like Pete are heroic. Life's hard enough when you're whole. So why goof on him? I'd never pay for Stern. You can get the program here for free.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I thanked the Savior for giving me great children. For instance, my oldest son's a big happy goofball--even though his mother often acts like a loon. Furthermore, he doesn't hold a grudge when she loses her shit. And she loses her shit quite often. I couldn't ask for better kids.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a great dream. I was at a party in a large cabin. I smoked and drank and had a great time. Everybody laughed at my jokes. Usually, my sleep's plagued by nightmares. It was a nice change.I woke up at six a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A medical professional from Seoul was sentenced to a year in jail. He advised a patient with cancer to forego medication and adhere to a strict diet of salt. The victim complied and consequently passed away. The sentence seems harsh to me. But what do I know?I turned on CNN. The network's still covering the water emergency in Flint, Michigan. This story makes me very angry. The poor are being poisoned by water contaminated with lead. This tragedy could have been completely avoided for the paltry sum of 100 dollars a day. If I were king of the world, heads would roll. I'd march the powers-that-be to the town square and promptly hang them in chains.Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I fried the bird using generous amounts of salt and grease. It came out all brown and salty and crisp. My son loved the meal. He raved about my mad kitchen skills. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju. In South Korea, a large man can get fall-down drunk for less than five dolla. You can't beat that.

I listened to The Howard Stern Show. The featured guest was Bigfoot. The poor man's a paranoid schizophrenic with an extremely low IQ. Bigfoot claimed that he fingered his mailman's anus for a fee of fifty dollars. The segment was very funny. But I felt kind of guilty. Stern's a sharp dude. Picking on a mentally ill dullard seems a tad exteme. Yet I must be honest. I laughed so hard that I nearly pissed my pants. Oh well. What's a boy to do?

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked the Savior to grant me patience. The Dragon Lady left me again. She went into another rage and tried to break all the furniture. I'm not sure if her outrageous anger was sparked by Graves' Disease or mental illness. But I no longer care. I need a break. There's only so much that a man can stomach.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamed that my apartment was under the control of a beautiful woman. She had golden hair and a bright smile. The wench killed Clint Eastwood with her bare hands. She snapped him like a twig. Her behavior scared me.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A man from Incheon beat his seven-year-old son to death. After that, he dismembered the poor boy. It took two years for the police to find the child's corpse. The police on the peninsula are pretty useless. Plus Korea has very lax truancy laws. A student can drop out of school without any consequences. Teachers and care-givers keep their noses out of family business. So tragedy strikes from time to time.

I turned on CNN. Sarah Palin endorsed Donald Trump for president. She claims that he's the man to turn the nation around. I agree with her. Sarah's son recently got arrested for beating up his girlfriend. But I don't hold his bad behavior against the former governor. Shit happens. And there are more glad-tidings for Trump. Ted Cruz is in a lot of trouble. Iowa's governor recently turned his back on the candidate. The Donald could possibly run the table.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady took the kids to visit some school friends. She left me by myself. I cooked chicken for dinner. The meal was delicious. I'm the king of poultry. I washed the vittles down with a bottle of Jinro soju. The experience was nice.

Unfortunately, tragedy soon struck. My little dog had a stroke. She went into full paralysis and was unable to use her legs. The paralysis was followed by seizures. She kept biting at the air and twisting her head back and forth in a jerky motion. Finally, the poor beast up and died. I was devastated. In fact, I'm still reeling. I'll never own another canine. I'm sticking to fish.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty atheist. I asked the Savior to help the children emotionally cope with the death of their pet. I called my wife and explained the situation. Her and the kids accused me of murder. I shit you not. She immediately drove home and buried the poor little beast.

I went to bed at midnight. I had yet another dream about smoking. I sat in my car and puffed on a Marlboro. I was terrified of discovery. Fortunately, I wasn't nabbed.

I woke up at 11 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Koreans are afraid that the peninsula might become a future target for ISIS. I'm not too worried. There aren't many Muslims in Korea. In fact, I think the nation only has one mosque. But I could be wrong. Sadly, I'm wrong about most things.

I turned on CNN. Most of the pundits feel that Trump won the Republican debate. I agree. His performance against Ted Cruz was masterful. The Donald has a great stage presence. If he wins Iowa, he might actually go on to run the table. I've lost a great deal of respect for Cruz. His wife is a bankster from Goldman Sachs.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Yesterday, I went to Lotte Department Store for dinner. I had shrimp fried rice and kimchi. I hate kimchi. It's so tart that it sends chills up my spine. But the famous side-dish is supposed to be healthy. Therefore, I eat the stuff from time to time. I washed the vittles down with water. The experience was rather pleasant in a weird sort of way.

I watched the college football championship between Alabama and Clemson. The game was fantastic. Clemson had many chances to win. But they fell prey to the big play. In fact, the Crimson Tide scored four touchdowns on plays of fifty-yards or more. Their tight end had over 200 yards on five receptions. He averaged more than forty yards per catch. Consequently, the Tigers lost 45-40. You can't win a ball game with those type of stats.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I asked Jesus to help the Dragon Lady. The poor woman's trying her best. She takes her medicine every day. But Graves' Disease is a constant struggle. On the bright side, we have decent health insurance. My wife gets the best care available. Plus her doctors seem very sharp. They all speak English.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a strange dream. A large locker was submerged in a river. I stood on the bank as the water rushed by swiftly. I felt despair because the locker contained my passport and birth certificate. My friend jumped into the water and retrieved my documents. I felt happy again.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A black guy from the United States wrote an op-ed about Koreans. He resents the fact that the locals love rap music but don't appreciate African-Americans. Let's be honest. Black people commit way too many crimes. That's why we're all afraid of them.

I turned on CNN. Ted Cruz is in some serious hot water. He borrowed a lot of money from Goldman Sachs and Citibank back in 2012 and failed to report the loans. In fact, Cruz's wife Heidi works for Lloyd Blankfein. To me, they sound like a couple of crony-capitalists. But what do I know?

Monday, January 11, 2016

Yesterday, I took my family to a buffet-style restaurant. The menu featured both ribs and chicken. The meal also came with unlimited wine. I ate a bunch of pork and poultry. Then I washed the vittles down with several glasses of cheap Italian red. I got quite tipsy. It takes a lot of skill to be a wino. My stomach simply can't handle the sweetness.

I watched the game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Houston Texans. The Chiefs are strong. They've won eleven games in a row. Their defense certainly looks quite impressive. The Texans failed to score a single point during the contest. Kansas City rolled past their opponent 30-0. The team has a real shot to win the Super Bowl. We'll find out next week when they travel to New England.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. My mother recently had another cancer scare. It turns out that the tumor's benign. She's going in for a lumpectomy next month. I asked the Savior to keep her in his thoughts. Of course, we're all going to die. Just ask David Bowie.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had one of my recurring dreams concerning smoking. I was at the train station puffing away on a cigarette. I became disappointed in myself. Later, I woke up and felt relieved. I haven't had a smoke in years. Falling off the tobacco wagon is one of my phobias.I got up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Half the elderly citizens in South Korea live below the poverty line. You can often see these old folk collecting cans and bits of cardboard to bring to recycling centers. These geezers are now committing lots of crime due to economic frustration--including sexual assault and murder. I plan to spend my twilight years homeless in Hawaii. If you see me on a street corner, please give me some money so that I can buy alcohol.I turned on CNN. Donald Trump is once again showing his political genius. He's currently behind in the polls in the state of Iowa to Ted Cruz. So now The Donald's telling the smelly unwashed masses that Mr. Cruz really isn't an American citizen. Trump knows that winning Iowa is a huge deal. He wants to use all the ammo in his arsenal. I tip my hat. What a competitor.Anyway, so long for now. God bless.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Yesterday, I went to Costco with the Dragon Lady. The experience was hellish. I've never been an enthusiastic shopper. I bought my youngest son Bluce a new desk. The kid's a real Asian. Even though he's only eight-years-old, he considers it his duty to study two hours a day. I shit you not. Currently, he's into math and piano.We went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. I had the sweet and sour pork. It was quite good. I washed the vittles down with several bottles of Tsingtao beer. I must be careful. I've been gaining a ton of weight lately. I'm now 230 pounds. My blood is bacon grease and my flesh is lard. Oh well. What's a boy to do?I watched season five of Madmen. The show is terrific. Betty gains a ton of weight. She's a disgusting fat-body who waddles around to and fro like an angry duck. Meanwhile, Don gets remarried to a hottie named Megan. The poor girl has huge teeth. My favorite character is Roger. He's now dropping LSD and mixing the drug with copious amounts with vodka.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked the Savior to forgive me. I haven't been attending church lately. I find it hard to get up on Sunday mornings--especially in the winter. My bed's so warm and comfortable. I'll have to simply try harder.

I went to sleep at midnight. I didn't dream. I woke up at noon and drank a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Korean educators are no longer allowed to hit the students. And now the children are out of control. Physical assaults against teachers is on the rise. I don't believe in corporal punishment. It isn't necessary.

I turned on CNN. The German citizens are having second thoughts about the new Muslim immigrants. It seems that a few of the recent refugees committed some sexual crimes over the last week or so. Islam is still mired in the Middle Ages. I stand with The Donald. Let's keep the Syrians out of America until we can vet them. Better safe than sorry.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared chicken and French bread for dinner. The meal was excellent. She really outdid herself. My wife even heated the bread in our magnificent Phillips air-fryer. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of genuine Coca-Cola. The whole experience was marvelous.I watched the season finale of The Knick. Thack performs surgery on himself in front of a crowded hospital theater. He cuts away at his necrotic bowels with a scalpel while looking in a large mirror. Unfortunately, he dies on the operating table. I'm not sure if the series is now over. It would be hard to go on without Clive Owen. After all, he is the star of the show.

(Is The Knick finally over? You tell me.)

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked the Savior for rescuing me from death. Yes. Even an old dirty bastard like me gets to live forever. Now that's what I call first-rate service. A guy couldn't ask for a better boss.I went to bed at 1 a.m. I had a great dream. I was having sexual intercourse with a super-hot black woman. Unfortunately, I woke up during the middle of coitus. I tried to get back to sleep in order to relive the glory. But the vision faded from my memory. Oh well. What's a boy to do?I woke up at 11 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The Korean powers-that-be are forcing local schools to deliver history lessons sanctioned by the national government. Unionized teachers who refuse to carry the president's water face stiff penalties. I'm not sure if South Korea is actually a democracy. As a white man, I do my best to keep my head down before it ends up on sharpened pole. I would just like to say that I love Madame President and will do everything she asks with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.I turned on CNN. Donald Trump is now spending big money to win in Iowa and New Hampshire. I never thought The Donald would get this far. But I have to tip my hat to the man. He's a very bright individual with oodles and oodles of political talent. He'd make a wonderful president. Trump remains ten steps ahead of all his opponents.Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Video Killed the Radio Star by Buggles. God bless.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Yesterday, I took my family to a Chinese restaurant. We had sweet and sour pork along with spicy seafood soup. The meal was fantastic. It came to twenty-six dollars. Not bad. I washed the vittles down with several bottles of Tsingtao beer. The experience was marvelous.

I watched the football game between Denver and Cincinnati on my brand new television set. The contest was awesome. Both those teams have wonderful defenses. And I think Brock's a better quarterback than Peyton at this point in their careers. The Broncos won by three points. Peyton Manning's a dirty old bastard like me. It's time for him to retire.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked the Savior for allowing me to spend New Year's Eve in Korea. The Holidays are no big deal on the peninsula. So there's absolutely no reason to feel depressed or disappointed if you happen to be far from home.

I went to bed at 12 a.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The Korean government's cracking down on porno website operators. The powers-that-be recently arrested several web-masters for peddling smut. I'm not sure if South Korea is actually a democracy. And the last thing I want is to end up in an Asian prison. So I'd just like to say that I stand with the president wholeheartedly.

I turned on CNN. Trump's really going after Hillary. He accused her husband of being abusive toward women. And guess what? The Donald's absolutely correct. Bill Clinton's an absolute pig. He's spent his entire life preying on vulnerable women. Plus it's nice to see a candidate who actually wants to win after the Mitt Romney debacle.