After his retirement from the NFL, a troubled Seau tried to keep up appearances with his vast networks of friends and acquaintances. But his inner life was in shambles.

However, he never followed through with his promises to enroll in a program at Betty Ford because he was too ashamed to admit his personal failures. He also worried that as a high-profile figure, he’d never be able to keep his alcoholism and subsequent treatment a secret.

According to Taylor, Seau attended three 12-step meetings with him.

“Junior told me, ‘I’m an alcoholic and an addict,’ ” Taylor said. “He didn’t clarify what kind of addict, and I didn’t ask him. He shared with me, ‘I can’t keep doing this. I’ve tried to quit but I can’t. I’m ready for the pain to stop. I’ve had enough.’ ”

Hoffman said Seau felt “uncomfortable” in the 12-step meetings, and so he joined a Tuesday morning breakfast meeting, where a group of successful, local men discussed their lives and their challenges. He also attended Bible studies. Seau did not tell his inner circle he was attempting to get sober. Taylor, Nolan, Hoffman and his high school sweetheart, Melissa Waldrop, may have been the only people who knew Seau was trying to stop drinking. One night during his attempt at sobriety, in a very raw, soul-baring moment, Seau confided in Waldrop, “I wish I could go back to just being ‘June’ and that I didn’t have to continue to be ‘55.’ ”

Seeking closure?

By late August of 2011, more than 10 months after he had driven over the Carlsbad cliff, Gina said that Seau outwardly seemed to be emerging from his funk. He appeared to be a bit more communicative with her. Behind the smiling façade, however, he was still wracked by financial pressures, gambling debts and guilt over imperfect relationships with his four children. He had failed at his attempt at sobriety after only a handful of months. He was lost. He was bored. “He told me, ‘I had no idea there were so many hours in a day,’ ” Gina said.

He was becoming more depressed, and he was having greater difficulty sleeping.

On Nov. 27 at Qualcomm Stadium, Seau was to be inducted into the Chargers Ring of Honor at halftime. He and Nolan had broken up a month before but remained close. Megan Noederer, a new girlfriend, was on his arm. His four children were so hurt by their on-again, off-again relationships with him that they were ambivalent about attending the ceremony. Sydney, the strong, vocal, ringleader of the group, decided to take the high road, putting aside her frustration to be supportive for her father. She forced Tyler to attend and finally convinced Hunter to join them, only an hour before the ceremony started. But Jake refused to go.

In the months that followed the Ring of Honor ceremony, Tyler and Sydney both say they made some nice memories with their father. Tyler spent time learning the restaurant business, working side by side with his father at Seau’s, and he cherishes those moments. Especially the evening a year ago when his daughter Kale’a was born, and his father interrupted a Polynesian concert at Seau’s to announce that he was a grandfather, then led the restaurant in prayer and played his ukulele.