Okay. My best guess about Taylor Momsen's kohl-smudged descent into "the dark side" (at least, as dark as a 19-year-old television actress in a totally like, "XXhardXcoreXX" rock band can get) is that Gossip Girl costume designer Eric Daman put one too many hair extension tracks onto her head and it snapped her cerebral cortex.

The 19-year-old malcontent has released a (NSFW) clip called "The Words" with her band The Pretty Reckless, in which she recites some of her own song lyrics while full-frontally nude, with specific details of her anatomy artfully blurred out, kinda like this. And somewhere on the Upper East Side, Rufus Humphrey wishes he could fill her Nightmare Before Christmas lunchbox with syrup-drenched, carb-laden waffles. XOXO, Gossip Girl. [HuffPo]

Jennifer Aniston has invited her ex-mother-in-law and noted homophobeJane Pitt, Brad's mom, to her wedding to Justin Theroux. A source claims that "Jennifer wants Jane to be there. She's closer to her than she is to her own mother Nancy and it just feels right," adding that Jane has provided support for Jen for the last seven years and is "thrilled that Jennifer has found happiness again," which is exactly the kind of thing that sounds patronizing and insulting coming from your ex's mother. Way to go, Jane. [The Sun]

Pickled celery stalk Jon Voight has rushed to Jane Pitt's defense after the charming love…
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After a nine-year marriage, Russell Crowe and his wife Danielle Spencer are splitting up. Apparently their union suffered primarily due to Crowe's absence from her side, having been abroad for much of the year filming one of his six movies due out by mid-2013 (The Man with the Iron Fists, Les Miserables, Broken City, Man of Steel, Noah and Winter's Tale) and the rumor is she's boffing her dance partner on Australian Dancing With The Stars, Damian Whitwood. [Daily Mail]

Fucking Nadya "Octomom" Suleyman, who persists in being a wart on society's labia minora, went to a Hell's Kitchen nightclub called XL right after she was cleared of charges of child abuse, where she fake-breastfed a plastic baby doll. In case you didn't get the joke—wait, what's the joke?—she also pretended to feed it vodka and screened a clip of her porn movie. [NYDN]

Speaking of Dancing With The Stars, Carlton BanksAlfonso Ribeiro married his girlfriend Angela Unkrich in California on Saturday. Ribeiro has a 9-year-old daughter with previous wife Robin Stapler. More importantly, he just Tweeted this:

'Twas the night of Urrrrrsher's 34th birthday party, and he Instagrammed a picture of himself sitting between Tom Cruise and Ridley Scott (with two women at the end of the table). And then they sang "We're the three best friends that anyone could have." Ursher Tweeted along with the photograph, "thank you Tom and Ridley for dinner lots of laughs and good c," and I'm gonna operate under the assumption that "C" stands for "champagne. [Twitter]