Top 5 Quotes from Last Night's Bachelor Pad

All I could think about during this scene was how I would have had a wedgie and how all my stomach rolls would have been exposed.

OMG, either last night's Bachelor Pad premiere was the best TV I've seen in a while, or I have severe memory loss. Quick recap: a bunch of rejects from past Bachelor and Bachelorette seasons descended upon the ol' Bach mansion. Interestingly enough, many of them had met before (and some had hooked up) at reunions, so there were already feelings involved and (coincidence?) jilted lovers in proximity. Aaaand we dove right in…

Tenley jumped all over Kip when he entered the house (we learn they have dined before); everyone slobbered all over Gia but she has a boyfriend; and Craig M., who is trying to makeover his jerky reputation, still looks hot to me (wtf?!).

At stake—aside from feelings—is a prize of $250,000. The men vote off the women, and the women vote off the men. So the natural instinct is to whore yourself out, just so you can stay in the game. But you don't want to look like too strong of a competitor, and you don't want to wrong anyone of the opposite sex (who might have a crush on you), and you don't want to fall for someone who will choose the money over you in the end.

Craig M. won the first competition, which was a jumbo-sized Twister game. So he was safe from elimination. As an additional perk, he was allowed to invite 3 women on a date. At the end of the date, he gave his rose to Jessie, the Twister runner-up, and saved her from being eliminated. But he would've jumped Elizabeth if he didn't think it would make him look bad.

What's refreshing: On The Bachelor, contestants don't deserve a rose if they aren't genuine and their hearts aren't in it for love. But with the Pad, no one has a problem with a lying, cheating heart. Being deceptive and shady is an asset. In other words, $250,000 has made the Bachelor franchise interesting again.

And now, for the top 5 quotes from last night's Pad:

"I don't know Gwen [from Aaron's season]; she's from season two—she is definitely someone I look at as a mom."

"[Using the need to play the game as a reason to push me away] is a dude strategy…I am in love with you…[I have a lot of influence over the girls, so in order to stay], act like you really care about me. Express it…literally, say, I was too focused on the money…I am in love with this girl.' I'm giving up $250,000 [for you, ergo you should love me]."

—Elizabeth, the mixed-signal girl that Jake called out, to Jesse K. (hello, that was blackmail!)

"There just weren't enough roses for all of Michelle's personalities…and it's hard to put a rose on a straitjacket."

—The Weatherman

Final comment: It was satisfying to watch a man who had been a douche to a woman previously get his comeuppance. The women voted him off. Karma. Love it! Way to make a moral judgment and stick together, girls! And the men did not vote that way—they couldn't, because no women had hurt anyone. Women are too good to men, in general.

Did you watch Bachelor Pad last night? Who's your favorite? Who are you crushing on? Who do you think is psycho and/or needs to go?