7_"DO EVERYTHING," STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN | This is the one track that I couldn't bring myself to listen to three or four times for a proper review; the lyrics are obnoxiously overwritten, fake-funny and more than a little condescending toward homemakers, working stiffs, and just about everyone else. It's worth looking up on YouTube for the bizarre video, which shoots for comedy but winds up nightmarish.

The Big Hurt: What would Jesus download? True, I may be the wrong guy to review the top tracks on the Billboard Christian Songs chart. I’m not religious, so songs about Jesus mean about as much to me as songs about Popeye.

The Big Hurt: Dialing up Billboard’s Ringtones Chart We may scoff at the very idea of Billboard ’s ignominious Ringtones chart, but mobile phones are one of only three viable revenue channels musicians have left these days (the other two being commercial licensing and crooked charities).

Mysteries of the Hot 100 After a year of reviewing only Top 10 hits, it seems I've pretty much run out of Drake jokes. For now, anyway — don't go thinking I'm gonna stop making Drake jokes. Actually, I was lying — I've still got a shitload of Drake jokes.

New entries in the Hot 100 We're mining further for nuggets of interest in the Hot 100 this week. Just to keep things fresh, let's check out this week's brand new entries.

The Big Hurt: Alternative rock songs I got up this morning filled with a furious hatred of alt-rock — I was tossing and turning half the night with Third Eye Blind's "Semicharmed Life" stuck in my head, a torment I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

The Big Hurt: The 'best' of Digital Songs Let's check out Billboard 's Digital Songs chart, which tracks the most-downloaded songs in all genres. Should make for some interesting diversity, right? No! Actually, it's all the same crap from the Hot 100 in a slightly different order.

THE BIG HURT: DIVING IN THE PR DUMPSTER | February 26, 2013 I've been dumpster diving in the PR bin, the rankest receptacle of music industry waste, and I've come up with a dripping fistful of the month's hottest garbage.

THE BIG HURT: LEANIN' WITH BIEBS | February 20, 2013 Bieber was allegedly photographed sipping something from a double Styrofoam cup, in close proximity to a big bottle of codeine cough syrup. This can only add up to one thing: lean . That purple drank, the laudanum of Screw, the deadly nectar of Pimp C.