In-Laws overstepping? Need advice please!

My DH and I are remodeling a house in our hometown where we just moved back after being away for 2.5 years. I inherited the house from my late grandfather and we’re staying with my parents while we completely gut the place and make it our own. I’ve been asking DH if we could take his grandparents to see the house since we moved back 3 weeks ago. I love his grandparents and I was really looking forward to showing them our home and telling them about all our wonderful plans.

Well instead my in-laws took it upon themselves to show the grandparents the house today. On their own. Without even calling to ask first. It was locked and they literally found a way to break in. I’m so hurt and not sure what to do about it. Do I say something to them? I feel like we don’t have any boundaries right now and that could potentially be an issue later. I also don’t want to start drama with my new family … what do I do?

@LedeLady: Wow. Just WOW. I’d be furious! Never mind the fact that you wanted to be the one to show your home to the grandparents, it’s completely unacceptable that your inlaws felt it was totally okay to BREAK IN to your house! I think a conversation needs to be held ASAP because their behavior is completely disrespectful.

@LedeLady: First of all that is COMPLETELY out of line, not to mention illegal. Yes, there are boundary issues, and no it will not get better if not addressed. Your husband needs to bring this up with his parents, and they also need to pay to fix whatever they broke to get in!

I honestly don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Yes they shouldn’t have done that but they were probably excited to show them the house too. I would probably have your husband talk to them about not going in with you there but I wouldn’t make a huge thing of it.

@wideeyes: As soon as my husband got off the phone with his mother I looked at him completely wide eyed and said “they did what?!” He basically said “Don’t get mad at me. I have no control over their actions.” He knows I’m upset about it and that I’m thinking about saying something to them. I feel like he doesn’t want to get involved.

@ImmaBee: Disrespected is exactly how I feel! DH’s mom keeps telling me where the key is to her house and says I can come over anytime. Maybe she feels because she did that that it’s okay for her to go into our home whenever, but it’s not okay with me!

I’d have your DH tell them that it needs to not happen ever again. It was mean of them to take the grandparents without you, but I’d be even more annoyed that they didn’t even ask!

My MIL thought it was okay to come into our house while we were at work and leave crap for us on the counter (a bill she wanted paid while she was out of town, crap like that). I let it slide ONCE, and then it happened again. Needless to say I made DH take care of that one.

@LedeLady: I would be livid. Beyond livid. They were trespassing, breaking and entering…. and being utterly disrespectful. And, how did they leave the house? Is it now easier for someone else to break in to?

@LedeLady: They really might have thought that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to you. Do they typically do things just to get under your skin? If not, then you should probably let them know that you were planning on showing the grandparents yourself, and that you were disappointed that you didn’t get to do that. Then just leave it at that. If you feel like anything more needs to be said, then your husband needs to say it. Your husband kind of needs to be the one to play “bad cop” here. He needs to establish the boundaries with his own family.

Unless you made it very clear to your in laws that you wanted to be the one to share your house with your DH’s grandparents, I’m not sure they did anything wrong here. The grandparents probably asked to see it and they didn’t want to burden you so they just it.

@SincerelyShe: I think you’re right. He definitely needs to be the bad cop … unfortuantely that’s always my role. I’m more headstrong and willing to speak my mind (for better or worse) They don’t do things to intentionally get under my skin (at least I don’t think they do) but they’re just a little odd. I’m sure they didn’t break-into our home to spite me … I’m guessing they didn’t even consider that it would bother me.