Since
liberals place a premium on tolerance, the loving and charitable thing
to do is help them develop it. Note here that, unbeknownst to many, tolerance
involves enduring something considered to be a negative. We don’t
tolerate a fine meal or a nice car, for instance; we relish such things.
But we might have to tolerate bad weather, a cold or Nancy Pelosi. Now,
since liberals actually perceive a great many positive things to be negative,
placing them in situations wherein they may cultivate tolerance is not
difficult.

One
under-appreciated vehicle through which to do this is your children. You
can use your kids to annoy liberals, but I don’t mean in the way
liberals annoy other people with theirs. Liberals, by not civilizing their
children, breed brats who bounce balls in supermarkets, play hide-and-go-seek
in restaurants, keep the makers of psychotropic medication in business
and sometimes chant “Yes, we can!” No, the techniques in question
here are far different.

One
of the best ways to use your children in this regard is to have a lot
of them. Liberals, being generally misinformed and detached from reality,
don’t know that the Western world faces a population implosion,
and the exercise of fecundity isn’t a choice they appreciate. You
know, if they see a gaggle of boys and girls following someone mother-goose
style, they think carbon footprints, Malthusian nightmares and about how
the “wrong” people are breeding.

And
think about the fun you could have. For example, a nice touch would be
to sport a bumper sticker saying, “My seven kids can beat up your
one Ritalin-addled C-student.” Also, when the size of your family
is raised in conversation, you can casually mention how the Bible instructs
us to be fruitful and multiply. Judeo-Christian references move a liberal
like nothing else.

How
you raise your children matters, too. Make sure they not only play with
toy guns but that they do it publicly. And it helps if they audibly say
things such as “Bang, bang, you’re dead!” Liberals view
this the way a normal person would view the exposure of a child to pornography.
This is especially effective with the subspecies of liberals known as
the suburban soccer mom.

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You
see, liberals hate guns. They feel guns are scary. They feel that guns
“teach violence” (that violence has to be taught is a notion
I debunked irrefutably, undeniably and completely here).
They just plain feel. They seem to worry that letting their son play with
guns will turn him into a murderer, even though they never wonder if allowing
him to play with trains will turn him into a conductor.

To ensure
this technique has maximum impact, you must choose the correct toy guns.
Vintage is the word, because the guns you find in stores today look like
they were designed by Michael Jackson’s effeminate twin. They sometimes
come in Barbie doll colors and, at best, have at least a little red piece
at the end of the barrel. This toy-land abomination arose because undisciplined
liberal children started pointing realistic-looking toy guns at police
officers. Somehow liberals don’t view this as Darwinian natural
selection.

As an
example of this technique, I’ll relate a story involving someone
I know. This father had given his sons some truly cool-looking toy guns
from his youth, and one day he and his family ventured down to the community
pool bearing these arms. When all the liberals’ non-sex stereotyped,
wearing-a-feminine-straightjacket sons saw these symbols of authentic
boyhood, their eyes got wide; exclamations such as “wow” could
be heard. This also has the very positive effect of confirming in deprived
liberal children’s minds that their parents really are dorks. Oh,
and you don’t have to worry about further alienating them from their
(probably divorced, perhaps same-sex) parents/guardians. Unless liberal
children can be reformed, they will push the old folks into a nursing
home first chance they get no matter what you do.

I also
should mention that you needn’t fear liberals’ self-righteous,
didactic proclamations. Should they choose to say something to you, it
only provides you the opportunity to put the icing on the cake. If, for
instance, they ask, “Do you really think it’s a good idea
to let your son play with toy guns?!” just respond, “Are you
crazy? He’s way too young to have a real one.” This upsets
liberals intensely.

The
next technique I’ll mention involves something I witnessed just
recently. I was in a certain very popular and expansive food store and
saw a father with two young boys, about two and three years old. He had
them in harnesses affixed to something akin to a leash, which he held
firmly so they couldn’t run amok. This wasn’t too uncommon
years ago, back in those brutal, uncompassionate days when people hated
children so much that they allowed spanking and disallowed abortion.

Yet
liberals don’t like such things. They bristle at the idea of treating
children “like animals” even though they believe we’re
just highly-evolved apes. Letting your child run around someone else’s
establishment like an animal is okay, though.

Lastly,
if a liberal asks you why you have so many kids, you can just explain
how survival of the fittest ensures that the right members of a species
breed and inherit the Earth. And be sure to follow up with, “Besides,
every time I have another child, there’s one more person in this
world to pray for you.”

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Now,
some may wonder why anyone would suggest using children to annoy liberals.
Well, we must properly train the young in the way they should go. Just
as importantly, we should always deal with people on their own level.

Selwyn Duke is a writer, columnist
and public speaker whose work has been published widely online and in
print, on both the local and national levels. He has been featured on
the Rush Limbaugh Show and has been a regular guest on the award-winning
Michael Savage Show. His work has appeared in Pat Buchanan's magazine,
The American Conservative, and he writes regularly for The New American,
and Christian Music Perspective.

And
think about the fun you could have. For example, a nice touch would be
to sport a bumper sticker saying, “My seven kids can beat up your
one Ritalin-addled C-student.” Also, when the size of your family
is raised in conversation, you can casually mention how the Bible instructs
us to be fruitful and multiply.