Breaking Silence

When we talk about sex, on the one hand, there is a saturation of
messages and images in the media. On the other hand, sexuality remains
an extremely private and uniquely complex sphere of human behavior with
social taboos and rules of behavior that make talking openly about it
quite unusual. In one sense, it may require more intimacy to discuss
sex than to engage in it.

Fear of these feelings, mostly fear of
lack of control of these feelings, has dominated Christian teaching for
centuries; the early “church fathers” revered the ascetic denial of
bodily urges. The body was a burden. And though most of us today would
agree that sex is a good that God gave humanity, we still have few
clues as to what to tell our children to do with their sexual feelings
– except just say “no.” Or, by example, we show them the roles we play
but do not offer insight into the depth and range of our actions or
discuss with them the new possibilities.

What is Christian
sexuality? How can we encourage young people to explore the world and
ignore their sexual passions? What is it that the black church is
saying, has said, or wants to say about sexuality?

In many
ways, I think answers to this question are linked to how we view our
bodies. Are they for pleasure? Are they for suffering? A great deal of
our religious tradition speaks to the suffering black people experience
on this Earthly plane under the lash of racism and oppression. Delores
Williams (at a Union Seminary Women's Conference in 1995) contends that
we must do away with the overemphasis on suffering because it sets up a
complacency, even an expectancy, for suffering rather than
strengthening people for hope and working out the difficulty.

The silence of history

The
history of slavery in this country is one that has left deep
psychological scars that pose obstacles to every aspect of our vitality
and even basic survival. During slavery, black bodies were beasts of
burden, subject to command of the plantation owner; female bodies
were used by the plantation owner for satisfaction of his sexual urges
and for breeding children. Black men, stripped of all possible
opportunity to act as husbands, fathers, and providers for their
families were “thingified” as a work tool or in some cases used as a
stud.

After the civil war and reconstruction, black women
continued to be abused by white men and black men were portrayed as
sexual monsters, eager to de-flower the purity of white women. Between
1882 and 1962, Ida B. Wells recorded that some 5,000 lynchings occurred
in the South, and about one fourth were predicated upon accusations of
attempted rape.

In the 1960s black became beautiful, and there
were many years of self-denigration – characterized by bleaching
creams, straightening creams, processed hair, blond wigs, and a general
longing for European standards of beauty – that needed to be overcome.
Grier and Cobbs in their late 1960s landmark work, Black Rage, talk
about the struggle for black women to feel they are beautiful,
desirable, and worthy of tender love. They also talk about the struggle
for black men to realize that their sense of personal worth is not
always linked to sexual conquest.

“Black Power!” and
“Self-determination!” were the cries of the youth beginning to examine
the world from a black perspective; these voices broke the silence of
Euro-centered models, standards, and cultural codes.

Conquering this world

Throughout
all the decades of struggle for black people in this country, the
church offered renewal through the salvation story. It was the church
that provided opportunities to learn how to read, acted as a social
service for many who had no place to go, and was the rallying point in
times of trouble. The church was also the place where one learned how
to behave in a Christian way. As means of protection against the
fragile fears of menacing whites in the South, the church preached
against wild, loose ways. The church showed a path to Christian life
that was not the way of the world – no drinking, no dancing, no
cursing, no intimate relations before marriage. Prayer, church-going,
and clean living were the ways to conquer this world.

For many
of us today, going to church is still synonymous with getting cleaned
up and going the straight and narrow, but few of us, if we are single,
have an understanding of what it means to be single from a contemporary
Christian perspective. Premarital chastity expresses an ambivalence
about women. On the one hand, it protected them from the ravages of men
when no contraception was widely available; on the other hand, it views
women as property to be handled only by their husbands. Premarital
chastity ignores the sexual feelings which all healthy human beings
have. Premarital chastity espouses repression and denial of vital life
forces. Yes, celibacy is a gift, but what to do about the countless
many who don't have the gift and who don't have any prospect of getting
married or don't even want to get married?

There are many in our
midst who are gay and lesbian, who are loving, caring, giving members
of our congregation. Some of them are in hiding because of the
homophobia we preach from our pulpits; many love the Lord so much they
are even tolerant of the hostility we spew. What say you? Does Jesus
love them? Our hearts already know – everyone is precious, everyone is
known by God.

This day calls for a new ethic – one that is of
compassion, one that trusts and has love as the guiding principle. The
truth of the matter is that people – young and old – are making
sexual choices with or without the blessing of the pastor or benefit of
civil ceremony. In this climate where your selection of mate could be
your death sentence, it is critical that the church speak with
knowledge and compassion about condoms, contraceptives, and STDs.

If
the black church is going to impact the outrageous numbers of reported
STDs among black youth, it must break the silence about human sexuality
and sex. Data shows that only 11 percent of US teens get most STD
information from their parents or other family members. Eighty-nine
percent get it from peers and the media. Where is the voice of the
church?

We need to help parents explore issues about their own
sexuality and develop the facility to talk with their children. In a
previous job as liaison to churches, trying to prevent early teen
parenting and the spread of STDs, I encountered many pastors who
refused the program, saying, “We don't have this problem with kids in
our church.” With an attitude like that, it was clear that if they did
have young persons who were sexually active, they certainly were not
confiding in the pastor.

The problems in our community are
opportunities for companionate ministry. The time has come for us to
awaken from complacency and move from self-righteousness to struggle
with these issues. If we are going to break the silence, let's go all
the way.

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Reverend Mariah Britton is the
associate minister to youth at Riverside Church in New York City. She
is in the doctoral program in human sexuality at NYU. This article is
adapted from a talk Rev. Britton gave at Howard University.