Ashan, who is a suspect in at least two insurgent attacks, boldly
asked for the $100 promised to whoever finds the criminal.

"Clearly, the man is an imbecile," said the U.S. official
recounting the story to Sieff.

The Afghan forces arrested Ashan and called in their American
advisors for a second opinion and to confirm his identity.

"This guy is the Taliban equivalent of the ‘Home Alone'
burglars," said one U.S. official referencing the ridiculously
inexperienced criminal "masterminds" in the popular kids'
movie
franchise.

Sgt. First Class Matthew Baker was at the scene.

"We asked him, ‘Is this you?’" to which Ashan replied, ‘Yes, yes,
that’s me! Can I get my award now?'"

Sieff reports officials took a
biometric scan of Ashan's fingerprints and confirmed that he
was telling the truth — and confirmed his "improbable stupidity."
The Taliban commander was rewarded with nothing but sheer
disbelief at how he'd reached a new level of incompetence.