Wow, there are some turkeys opening this week, folks. I’m going to continue to recommend Up, Anvil, and The Hurt Locker. Nonetheless, OPENING THIS WEEKEND:

The Ugly Truth
Katherine Heigl stars in an intelligence-insulting rom-com. If you’ve seen the orgasm scene and you’re still considering seeing this, congratulations, I hate you. Wanna save yourself 10 bucks? Just look at the two pictures above back and forth really fast as you gradually lose the will to live.

G-Force
Fart jokes in the trailer, y’all! Speaking of two pictures that communicate an entire movie, the best part of the press tour for this one was Nic Cage looking like this:

…while sitting next to this:

Orphan
SECRET DWARF HOOKER!!! Need I say more? I actually kind of want to see this now. …Hold me.

In the Loop
I haven’t covered this one much because the trailer bugged the living hell out of me. But I’m told part of the reason for that is that the movie has an epic amount of swearing in it and is actually quite good. I can’t confirm that it’s good, but I love swearing. Check out this speech by Patton. Now there was a guy who could swear.