Help, please: what to watch when you’re sick

29 December 2011

Yup: I came back home with a cold. I hate having colds. I become some kind of Star Trek-worthy creature, my nose dripping and eyes watering and voice gravelly. Sometimes I hack. It’s disgusting and I feel quite sorry for myself. Set phasers to kill!

If there was ever an urgent need for one of Dr. Beverly Crusher’s wand-like medical fix-it thingamajigs, surely this is it.

Which begs a question — the only question, considering the situation: what movies make you feel better when you’re sick?

It seems to me that crying is out. I’ve got enough kleenex scattered around here. Also, I don’t think I want to watch anything in which people get leukemia and/or consumption and die a pathetic death, which seems far too likely a scenario without that medical fix-it thingamajig.

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5 Responses to “Help, please: what to watch when you’re sick”

It’s an embarrassing confession, but–John Hughes films. There’s no cold that can’t be ameliorated by The Breakfast Club, methinks.

Also The Princess Bride–I know, I know! But think about it! Even the frame narrative is about Peter Falk reading a story to Fred Savage because he’s sick in bed.

Finally…samurai movies. If you haven’t seen Harikiri or Shichinin no samurai in a while, I highly recommend a rewatch. I have some kind of post-nasal/sore-throat thing too, so I feel your pain. And send you virtual tangerines and cups of tea.

Oooh, this is so good. Just the idea of the FireSwamp and Rodents of Unusual Size are enough to make me feel slightly better. And Molly Ringwald bopping through some 1980s synthesized music. Now, why isn’t this streaming?

and samurai movies! How did I not think of that? Even just doing a quick scan to see what’s available on Netflix I found this description of a film called A Touch of Zen:

Set during the Ming Dynasty, this beloved Hong Kong classic stars Hsu Feng as Yang, the daughter of a government official whose entire family is murdered when her father uncovers a plot to overthrow the emperor. Escaping with two friends, Yang takes refuge with a scholar, and the two plan to take a stand against the army of the evil eunuch Hsu, who’s fiercely determined to eliminate Yang before she can reveal his plot to the emperor.

Note to friends: do not undertake google searches on what to watch when you’re sick. Some assholes out there recommend things like Titanic (barf) and The Goonies (rolls eyes). It’s enough to make me feel sicker.

And now A Touch of Zen is in my queue, so thank you! I’m not sure that John Hughes is too many cuts above The Goonies, but…anything with James Cameron on it will definitely bring about bronchitis/strep/pneumonia. My throat seems to be worse. Why, semester break, why? I don’t want to be sick during vacation!

So let me recommend something else: Buster Keaton comedies from the 20s. Now, the thing about the 20s was that the racism was rampant, so you’re just going to have to face the fact that he’ll offend as many people as possible. But there’s inevitably an amazing chase scene or something that just makes my eyes widen and my hands clap spontaneously. To wit: Seven Chances (1925), in which he has to escape from the hundreds of would-be brides who want to marry him for the millions he’ll inherit. That was all I could take last night before collapsing.

GLORIA SWANSON

2013 film & TV reviewed (with occasional late 2012 films)

Side Effects
House of Cards
The Invisible War
How to Survive a Plague
5 Broken Cameras
The Americans
Blancanieves
Top of the Lake
The Great Gatsby
Stories We Tell
The East
Before Midnight
A Girl and a Gun
The Bridge
The Bling Ring
The Heat
Elysium
In a World...
Orange is the New Black
The Fifth Estate
Enough Said
Populaire
The Wall
The Act of Killing
Twelve Years a Slave