When a young man with a horn takes a non-original
number recorded for the group's first album
and makes it over completely as his own,
the result becoming one of the biggest hits
of 1965--and, in the process, forever carving
out a space for himself and his basically
non-existent band on the musical map.

The tune was "A Taste Of Honey",
the man with the trumpet was Herb Alpert, and a specially recruited collection of
various and sundry studio musicians made
up the "Tijuana Brass."

I mention all this because--thanks to a tip
from the increasingly indispensable Roger
Green--today is a VERY special day for the
man who put the "A" in the "A&M"
record company...

HAPPY 70th BIRTHDAY,
HERB ALPERT!!

Yup, I was one of those people who helped propel
that memorably peppy instrumental ditty all
the way to the top of the charts by buying
a copy of the 45rpm--and folks, I wasn't
finished there! When Christmas 1965 rolled
around, I asked for--and got--two specific
record albums:

"Rubber Soul" by the Beatles...

...And "Whipped Cream And Other Delights"
by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass!

There was something magical about both of
those discs. I played them each over and
over, and there isn't a second of excess
audio on either collection. Oh, I'd buy myself
a few more of Herb's LPs not long afterward,
but, nice as they were, none of them ever
had quite the impact on me that that record
did. I still love listening to it to this
day, which is one of the reasons I'm happy
to salute Herb on his milestone 70th.

Another is because--along with "Rubber
Soul"--that record sported one of the
most mesmerizing covers in the history of
the twelve inch long player!

Which beggars the following question: if
Herb's successfully maneuvered himself through
seven decades, just how the heck old is SHE???...

Well, in any event, I'm betting that whipped
cream comes in MIGHTY handy these days, covering
up any tell-tale wrinkles!...

March 30th, 2005

World-wide reaction to the Andy Williams
mix-CD piece continues to flood in (Thank
you, Tom "SUPERFRANKENSTEIN" Peyer, for pointing me towards a Beatles/Claudine
Longet mash of "Here, There, and Everywhere"--prompting
me to exclaim, "What hath technology
wrought?" Yeah, sometimes I just feel
like lapsing into a Shakespearean dialect--hast
thou a problem with that?...)

Additionally, a very intriguing missive came
in from Kevin Greenlee. After the obligatory
opening paragraph ("long-time fan, love
your work, yada yada yada")--the likes
of which I LOVE, make no mistake, friends--Kevin
gets down to serious business...
I was reading your Andy Williams essay
and
I hate to nit pick but Sinatra actually recorded at least one Beatles
song besides"Something." His version of "Yesterday"
appears on the CD "My Way,"
among other places.

Though it's largely (and justifiably)
forgotten
now, Sinatra actually did a fair number of "top 40"-
esque material--songs by folks like Jim
Croce, Neil Diamond, Jimmie Webb and
so on.
More importantly he
respected some of the so called new
music
enough to ask the
contemporary composer Bob Gaudio (who
wrote
most of the Four Seasons
best songs) to write an entire concept
album
for him. The end result-"Watertown"--is one of those things
people either love or hate--and I love it!

Most of Sinatra's other flirtations
with
modern sounds were less fortunate. For some reason he got it into
his head, for instance, thata great way to connect with younger audiences
would be to re-record some of his classic songs with more hip
arrangements. This brought us
such travesties as a rock version of
"Some
Enchanted Evening" and
disco versions of a couple of his other
hits.
Those are the sorts of things that don't show up on any of the
popular Sinatra compilation CDs!

And hey--if you dig singers doing inappropriate
material then why on earth do you cut off your Sammy Davis Jr
interest with "The Candy
Man"?

Sure--in terms of actual quality he had peaked
years before but you're missing stuff like Sammy's versions
of "MacArthur Park," "Theme From Shaft" and "In the Ghetto."
You're also denying yourself condescending, talk to the kids material
like "Don't Blame theChildren" and "I Am Over 25--But
You Can Trust Me." You are also completely depriving yourself of a Sammy
sub genre--full blown versions of TV theme songs--I have Sammy
doing the themes from the Jeffersons, All in the Family and The Mary
Tyler Moore Show as well as a big band AND a rock version of the Alka
Seltzer Theme (Plop, PlopFizz Fizz). And--like Sinatra--Sammy even
dabbled a bit in disco!

Come to think of it--maybe you're being smart
to cut Sammy off in 1972!

Thanks, Kevin, but if anything, you've proved
my instincts to be grievously misguided!
Just READING about Sammy crooning a rock
version of the Alka Seltzer Theme made me
laugh out loud! Imagine the absolute fits
I'd succumb to if I actually HEARD it?? Now
that I've gotten the Andy monkey off my back,
maybe it's time to invest some time in inappropriate
Sammy?...

And thanks for the Sinatra/Beatles correction.
Makes sense that Ol' Blue Eyes would have
a go at "Yesterday". Speaking of
the Lads, let me take this opportunity to
mention that I've posted a brand new entry
on my Beatles Blog earlier today, and you
folks might want to take a peek--especially
those of you interested in seeing a pic of
the latest Dynamic Duo, Ringo and Stan the Man!

Verily! Get thee there! (Thus, mercifully
ends my imitation Asgardian speech pattern,
as I speaketh no more about the Fabs, forsooth...)

March 29th, 2005

The third installment of “The Fred Hembeck
Show” is now posted over at the IGN Comics website,
and continuing on down the path I began last
week, this time around, I closely examine
my FAVORITE JLA origin story, Steve Englehart's
1977 nostalgia-fest, “The Origin Of The Justice
League—Minus One!”

You'll find a fully colored redo of the Dick
Dillin/Frank McLaughlin mid-story show-stopping
splash (the original is pictured nearby),
and those of you with a few bucks to spare
may consider purchasing from me MY black and white original—take a peek here for a more info, potential buyers!

I'd also heartily recommend you give Peter Sanderson's latest “Comics In Context” piece a closer look. Hey, it's the least
you could do after the poor guy stood out
on the streets of New York City for hour
after hour, hoping for a slim chance of getting
into an exclusive Joss Whedon/Stephen Sondheim
panel event! An unlikely duo, you say? Perhaps,
but Peter covers the story expertly, and
as a major Whedon devotee myself from way,
way back (and a long-time admirer of “West
Side Story” as well), I found Peter's piece
to be both typically entertaining AND illuminating!
Just the picture I have of him in my mind,
leaning up against a newspaper vending machine,
conscientiously scribbling away in his note
pad, all for the gratification of his audience,
well, that alone was enough to bring a smile
to MY face! Jimmy Olsen's got NOTHIN' on
ol Pete!...

Switching gears, yesterday's posting re:
Andy Williams-mania brought in a plethora
of fascinating follow-up information from
the estimable Roger Green, a man whose number
Joel Whitburn himself undoubtedly keeps right
at the top of his speed dial in case HE ever
needs some facts--and quick! Rog?...
Bridge Over Troubled Water” (Simon
&
Garfunkel. #1, 1970) note also Aretha
#6
in '71, and Linda Clifford #41 in '79
“Spooky” (Classics IV, #3, 1968) also
Atlanta
Rhythm Section #17 in '79 and Mike
Sharpe
#57 in '67
“You've Got A Friend” (James Taylor,
#1,
1971—also Carole King) also Roberta
Flack/Donny
Hathaway (#29 in '71)
“Reason To Believe” (Tim Hardin, Bobby
Darin,
Rod Stewart, didn't make Top 40) actually
while Rod's version only went to #62
in '71,
his remake with Ronnie Wood went to
#19 in
1993!)
“A Song For You” (Leon Russell, late
sixties
album track) (this song went to #82
in 1971,
recorded by ANDY WILLIAMS!)
“Windy” (The Association, #1, 1967)
(also
Wes Montgomery #44 in '67)
“Can't Take My Eyes Off You” (Frankie
Valli,
#2, 1967) also Lettermen (as part of
a medley
with “Goin' Out Of My Head”) #7 in
'68, Lauryn
Hill, #35 in '98, and Nancy Wilson
#52 in
''69 (NOT the Nancy Wilson from the
somewhat
later Heart)
“Without You” (Nilsson, #1, 1972—also
Badfinger)
also Mariah Carey #3 in '94
“God Only Knows” (Beach Boys, #39,
1966)
also Marilyn Scott i#61 in '78
BTW, Andy's last Top 100 song (unless
he's
charted since 2002) is “Tell It Like
It Is”
(#2 for Aaron Neville, 1967) in 1976
which
got all the way to #72 (Heart, with
that
OTHER Nancy Wilson, also went to #8
in 1981.)
.Thanks so very much, Mr. Green! Your dedication
to minutia is inspiring, and coming from
me, you KNOW I'm not being sarcastic! I'm
especially heartened to discover Andy had
himself a hit covering a Neville Brother
tune, and eagerly await his sure to be forthcoming
version of “Hey Ya!” any day now!

Let me also take a moment to plug an interesting
little contest going on over at Nik Dirga's Spatula Forum site--something about writing up your most
embarrassing moment and winning some nifty
Jason Marcy comics! Sounds like fun (especially for
you masochists out there!), but I'm afraid
I'll be taking a pass. After all, having
just confessed to all the time and trouble
I'd gone to to make myself an Andy Williams
CD mix--hey, how could I EVER come up with
anything more embarrassing than THAT? But,
that'll just make things all that much easier
on the rest of you, as that's surely a hard
one to top! So, good luck! That secret shame
you've long been holding inside, just eating
away at you? WOO HOO!! It could win you prizes!
GO!

Finally, apropos of nothing in particular,
I just thought that I'd mention that I've
been taping reruns of fifties' quiz show,
“The Name's The Same”, on the Game Show Network
at 3AM, mainly because Mark Evanier helpfully pointed out that legendary comedic
duo, Bob and Ray, put in a stint as the program's
hosts. Well, I've long admired the team,
so I decided to take a look. Sure enough,
the pair doesn't disappoint. Not a surprise--but
what I DIDN'T expect to learn from viewing
these ancient broadcasts was just how absolutely
adorable Audrey Meadows was!

I was never blind enough to truly swallow
that she was nearly as dowdy as her Alice
Kramden outfit would have you believe, but
who figured her for the life of the party?
On this silly, near-forgotten little game
show, she was allowed to act far more spontaneously,
and with effusive enthusiasm—she seems to
relish the fact that she guesses the answers
far more often than any of her fellow panelists—her
more relaxed and engaging persona is a revelation!
It's just SO nice to see her smile for some
reason other than the relief she must've
felt when it was finally Ralph's bowling
night!!

All I know is I'm never going to be able
to watch “The Honeymooners” quite the same
way again! “To the moon, Alice”? Nope—more
like mooning OVER Alice!...

March 28th, 2005

Recently, I mentioned my new found love of
gleefully canvassing the very width and breadth
of my considerable CD collection to compile
my own eccentric home made mix CDs. Now,
generally, these musical amalgamations consist
of a wide variety of tunes all the way back
to the swing bands of the thirties, on through
the golden age of rock and roll, and right
on up to cuts burned off of one of my daughter's
latest “Now” collections, but along the way,
I've made up a few SPECIALTY discs. And,
melody mavens, today I'm going to take a
few minutes to tell you about one in patic...

Despite my deep abiding love of both rock
and roll, I've also got myself a soft spot
for the classic crooners as well. How my
tastes veered off in this unexpected direction
about a decade back is a whole 'nother story,
a digression much too long to go into here
today, but suffice it to say, I've become
quite the fan of all the biggies: der Bingle
, Dino, Ol' Blue Eyes, and Nat King Cole
especially. I've even come around to appreciating
Tony Bennett and (who'da ever thot?) Sammy
Davis Jr. (pre-'"Candy Man")!

But I've pretty much stayed away from the
next level down of warblers: Perry Como,
Jerry Vale, Robert Goulet, Al Martino—and
Andy Williams. Until, that is, I saw Mr.
Williams take on The Police's “Every Breath
You Take" during the wee wee hours of
the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon several
years back, and was stunned to see him come
out not only unscathed, but downright triumphant!!
It was such an unforgettable experience that
I wrote about at greater length in one of
the very, very earliest of “Fred Sez” entries (January 7th, 2003), back in the days before I learned about
the subtle delights of paragraphs.

Ever since that watershed performance, I've
been inordinately fascinated by the easy
going Mr. Williams, and recently, courtesy
of a price-slashing sale at a mail order
oldies outlet, I put my money where my mind
was and picked up a half dozen Williams CDs,
each featuring two complete LPs on every
disc! Oh, the pure unadulterated joy! I was
just over the moon--river, that is...

Okay, I'll admit, the man still comes in
no higher than number five on my own personal
croon-o-meter (after Bing, Dean, Frank and
Nat), but there's one thing that truly separates
him from these other legends (well, two things,
actually, since he's still ALIVE and they're
not, but...)--HE didn't fear the Top 40 of
his day!

Look, Sinatra recorded a grand total of one
Beatles number—and he kept assigning credit
for Harrison's “Something” to John and Paul
whenever he sang it in concert, so obviously,
the man WASN'T a charter subscriber to ROLLING
STONE magazine! Bing took a go at “Hey Jude”,
and, well, it's best heard to be buh-buh-buh-lieved!
Dean never went anywhere NEAR the new tunes,
save for maybe the sort you'd find on a movie
soundtrack or hear on the Broadway stage.
And of course, Nat King Cole tragically died
far too early, not only in terms of his career
and his life, but also in order to get a
fair shot at all the new compositions coming
out of the burgeoning mid-sixties rock era.
But Andy? Ah, Andy...

He was considerably younger (he checks in
currently at 78, making him a mere babe of
40 in 1967), had his own long-running weekly
network TV show (NBC, 1963-1972), and probably
realized early on, he could belt out the
best of Cole Porter and Harold Arlen for
only so long before audiences would get bored
and switch channels in search of something
hipper—y'know, like “The Perry Como Show”?
So, while Andy may not've gone so far as
to offer up his versions of “You Really Got
Me”, “!9th Nervous Breakdown”, or “Pictures
Of Lily”, he DID dip into the contemporary
tune pool and reach a bit deeper than the
latest Bararach composition or “Hair” cover
(which he did more than his share of as well,
make no mistake), and in that spirit, I felt
the need to assemble my own specially chosen
collection of what you might well call “Pop
Goes The Williams!”

What follows is the carefully considered
sequence of the tracks I selected from the
dozen Williams LPs available to make up this
79 minutes and change disc, plus the names
of the original artists associated with the
songs, the records highest Billboard position,
and the year it charted...

"Say, Elton, mind if I borrow that coat
of yours for a photo shoot?..."

Yeah, I get that reaction--a LOT. Which,
in truth, only makes this all the MORE fun!
Not that this compilation is anywhere near
unlistenable—quite the contrary. Some of
it is in fact surprisingly good. Some of
it clearly isn't. But again, in putting this
together, I wasn't necessarily looking for
the BEST performances but for the most seemingly
unusual covers. I left out the handful of
Carpenters tunes, and stuff like “Honey”,
“Both Sides Now”, “Get Together”, “Little
Green Apples”, “The First Time Ever (I Saw
Your Face)”, “Abraham, Martin and John”,
a handful of Jimmy Webb songs, some Neil
Diamond—songs ALL the lounge singers of the
day had already worked into their acts--and
seven Beatles compositions as well (all of
which are slated to wind up on my ongoing
series of Beatles cover tunes discs, worry
not).

(Just for the record, Andy got all Fab on
“Michelle”, “Here, There, and Everywhere”,
“The Long And Winding Road”, “Imagine”, “My
Love”--no surprises THERE—AND “Be Here Now”,
a relatively obscure track from George's
“Living In The Material World” LP, named
as a personal favorite Harrison number by
no less a personage than the wise and all-knowing
Johnny Bacardi!! Bet you're just DYING to hear the Williams
version, eh, Johnny boy?...)

"Look, mommy--daddy got me skis!"

I sent my buddy Roger Green a copy of the
mix, without first telling him what was on
it , but it soon became readily apparent
what madness was piping out of his speakers.
After overcoming his momentary shock, it
turned out that his feelings basically echoed
mine—Andy did a fine job on most of the ballads
(of which there were plenty), stumbled a
bit when trying to notch up the groove a
bit on several of the mildly up-tempo numbers
(“An Old Fashioned Love Song” comes to mind)--and
then there were those songs that never should've
been recorded ONE TIME, much less twice!(Do
I hafta identify the primary culprit as “Seasons
In The Sun”? Not to anyone who's ever HEARD
the original, that's for sure!...)

All in all, though, Mr. W's smooth tones
serve him well, particularly on the sparely
orchestrated “A Song For You” and “Remember”.
Still, he impressively exhibits the necessary
fire to sell the the climactic chorus of
“Without You” nearly as powerfully as Nilsson
did when he took this Pete Ham/Tom Evans
composition all the way to the top of the
charts.

And I like the sly leer lurking in his otherwise
squeaky clean delivery when he sings about
a “Spooky little girl like you”. I'm even
more willing to buy into the lyrical pathos
of several of the more downbeat selections
when sung by Andy as opposed to their originators.
Look, I've long been a fan of Diana Ross,
but more for the unique sound of her pipes
as opposed to the emotional content of her
performances, which, frankly, isn't generally
very high.Call me crazy, but I find myself more easily
swallowing Andy's alleged heartache as he
croons “Touch Me In The Morning” than I did
Ms. Ross's. And if there was ever one group
who should've had ALL their hits covered
by good ol' Andy Williams, it was the David
Gates led schmaltz and roll ensemble, Bread!
Now, THAT album wouldn't've been half-baked,
lemme tell ya!

I bookended my CD with probably the two best
cuts. Williams' version of “Bridge Over Troubled
Water' sounds uncannily like the original,
and while that may lose it crucial points
on the imagination scale, anytime you can
honestly measure up to Art Garfunkel's vocal
of a lifetime, well, you ain't doing so bad!
And his stately run-through of Brian Wilson's
“God Only Knows”--no lesser person than Paul
McCartney's favorite song—is performed essentially
with the sole accompaniment of a Grand Piano,
and quite honestly, his restrained performance
borders on the magnificent! (This must've
been a popular number in the Williams household,
by the way, as his wife at the time, Claudine Longet, gave it a breathy—if not nearly as magnificent--reading,
a vintage cut that turned up on the “Gilmore
Girls” soundtrack CD anthology not long ago.)

A few fun facts about Andy Williams before we go, because who KNOWS when we'll
be back on this topic? (You can all only
hope and pray, I'm guessing...) Andy got
his start as the youngest member of the Williams
Brothers, a group that first charted while
singing back-up on Bing Crosby's well-known
Academy Award winning “Swinging On Star”
disc in 1944: a year later, Andy dubbed Lauren
Bacall's singing voice in “To Have And to
Have Not”; he left his brothers in 1952 to
go solo, gaining most of his success a decade
later: his 1973 album, “Solitaire”, was overseen
by Richard Perry, shortly after the famed--and
HOT--producer had come off huge hit LPs with
Ringo Starr, Harry Nilsson, and Carly Simon
(YOWSAH!!!--street cred for seventies survivors!..),
and his ex-wife, Ms. Longet, became infamous
for "accidentally" shooting her
lover, a world famous skier, spawning the
unforgettable “Saturday Night Live” “Claudine
Longet Skiing Invitational", a bit which
consisted of stock footage of skiers tumbling,
to which SNL added play by play and the requisite
gun shot sound effects ("Oops--she's
got another one!"), one of the few comedy
pieces, if my memory serves me correctly,
the show was ever forced to apologize for.
Too late—sick puppy that I was, I'd already
laughed!

And you may well be laughing at me now, or
maybe you're just plain aghast--the mixed
reaction my pal Rocco had when I tried to
play my handiwork for him recently--,but
come on now—what OTHER crooner had the gumption
to tackle the greatest hit of Spiral Staircase,
hmm? Chances are it WASN'T Johnny Mathis!...

March 27th, 2005

HOW'DJA LIKE TO SPEND EASTER ON EASTER ISLAND??...

Easter bonnets most definitely NOT included!

For the purported history of these way humungous--and
tres' mysterious--statues, allow me to point
you towards "The Chilling Tale Of Easter Island, a succinct retelling of the saga of the
world's biggest rockers! While those of you
eagerly searching for evidence of the handiwork
of visitors from another planet in their
shrouded construction will be sadly disappointed,
perhaps the unexpected inclusion of cannibalism
into the mix will gleefully satisfy your
need for a sensationalistic back-story for
this imposing row of big-headed gents! Take
a quick moment from chomping on that chocolate
Easter bunny of yours, and go grab a peek!

And while we're delving deep into the
past,
the following note came in from a Michael
Ryan the other night:
Steve Bissette, illustrator of SWAMP
THING
for DC Comics in the 1980’s and his
own self-published
work including the horror anthology
TABOO
and TYRANT (chronicling the life of
T. rex)
is posting a multi-part series on the
history
of dinosaur comic books over at www.palaeoblog.blogspot.com. The site is run by Dr. Michael Ryan, Head
of Vertebrate Paleontology at the Cleveland
Museum of Natural History. Part 2 goes
up
Friday, March 25th.

So, all of you dinosaur lovers out there,
check it out. Best I can tell, Steve hasn't
made it up to the "War That Time Forgot"
feature that ran in early sixties issues
of DC Comics STAR SPANGLED WAR STORIES, a
certifiably insane series that regularly
staged World War Two battles on an island
inexplicably inhabited with those big ol'
supposedly extinct lizards! Talk about your
high concept! (Or, more likely, a concept
developed WHILE high!...)

On an unrelated note, Dr. Michael goes on
to thank me for recommending Robert Pilk's
fine MEC Comics mail order service, as he's
now yet another happily satisfied customer
getting thirty percent off on his monthly
tally of goodies--and if YOU'RE at all interested
in saving money AND getting snappy, happy
service, contact Robert for the details at
oberon13@chartertn.net. You WON'T regret
it!

So, go! Enjoy your day! Have fun with the
(coff coff) relatives! And then, tune in
later tonight for the first annual Easter
"Holy Mother of God! "Desperate
Housewives" is FINALLY back with a new
episode!!" telecast!

And please--if you know what's good for you,
go easy on the jelly beans, will ya?...

March 26th, 2005

People tend to believe that the great era
of comic book in-jokes began in the mid-sixties,
resulting mainly from the twin explosions
of the burgeoning Marvel Comics revolution,
and a steadily growing organized fan-base--which
would soon develop into a fertile talent
pool for all the major publishers--but then
how do you explain THIS story from the July,
1962 issue of ARCHIE'S MAD HOUSE, number
20?

The inspiration for the space explorer's
uniforms below should prove to be no mystery
to long-time comics devotees, as their look
isn't so strange that you wouldn't be able
to recognize them from Adam...,

Ah, but you say the artist (a gentleman by
the name of Bob White, I believe, though
I confess to not being entirely certain)
got the fin wrong, clearly reversing the
standard Rannian direction of wearing it?

Well, maybe.

Sometimes, though, even Carmine Infantino
made like Wrong-Way Corrigan...

I'll admit it--when I bought that issue of
ARCHIE'S MAD HOUSE off the stands way back
when, I was initially confused and then mildly
angered at the folks at Archie Comics for
having the sheer audacity to so blatantly
"steal" Adam Strange's sleek sci-fi
costume design for their silly little five
page story in their silly little humor anthology--but
I soon came to realize that what I was seeing
wasn't so much a rip-off but a respectful
homage.

And unlike a temporarily befuddled Carmine,
my guess is that they switched fin directions
on purpose! Tipping your fin to the competition
is one thing--getting lawyers involved is
a whole 'nother thing all together!...v

March 25th, 2005

I was watching "The West Wing"
the other night--y'know, the episode in which
Alan Alda, the most lovable and cuddly Republican
this unabashed life-long Democrat has ever,
EVER seen, secured his party's nomination
in the horserace to see who takes over the
(fictional) White House in the politically
fanciful NBC series upcoming seventh (and
some say, last) season--when I suddenly had
a thought: this admittedly intriguing faux
Presidential campaign has been barreling
along headfirst in the wholly predictable
direction of a showdown between The Man Who
Was Hawkeye and the idealistic dark horse
Democratic congressman played by Jimmy "Mr.
Smits goes To Washington" Smits for
the top spot, but why? Why does it HAVE to
play out that way? Why give the audience
the far-fetched scenario of the young Latino
versus the Republican with the heart of gold?
Hey "West Wing" bigwigs--it's not
too late to inject a little dose of reality
into the plot!

Give "Bingo Bob" Russell
the Chief
Executive gig!!

Look, that Gary Cole is one fine actor--anybody
who caught him in "The Devil Goes Down
to Mayberry" (aka "American Gothic")
can vouch for THAT.

And as Martin Sheen's current VP (taking
over from his predecessor, who had problems
keeping his pants discreetly zipped), you'd
think he'd have a leg up on his own party's
nomination, and not have to worry about the
Cinderella-like ascendence of Smits' Matt
Santos' character. Nope--this IS TV, after
all. Of course, the writers are doing their
level best to portray Russell as a venal,
self-involved, and slightly inept politician,
one who'd say or do most anything to grab
some votes. Thus, he makes BOTH alternatives
seem vastly more appealing (hey, given the
choice in real life, I'D cross the aisle
to pull the lever for Alda's Vinick over
Cole's Russell in a milli-second), but aren't
audiences hungering for reality these days?
Isn't that what the television landscape
is littered with currently--reality shows?
Well, what's more realistic than a pandering,
mediocre politician like good ol' "Bingo
Bob" pulling the wool over the populace's
collective eyes, and nabbing the keys to
the Oval Office, by hook or or by crook?
Now, THAT I could believe!

But I wouldn't want to spoil ALL the fun
for "The West Wing"s talented scripting
staff. I figure, once they install Cole as
Chief Executive, let 'em go back to writing
fantasy--only this time around, make the
switch over from "earnest" to "dark".
Once Russell inherits the title of The World's
Most Powerful Individual from lame-duck Sheen,
why not embark on a season-long dark-humored
"Dr. Strangelove" inspired scenario?
I mean, they're saying it's gonna be the
final season anyway, so why not go out with
a bang--literally?

Show us a man who's clearly in over his head--way,
WAY over. A man whose sheer stupidity inadvertently
starts a series of events in the season's
first episode, a series of events that spirals
inexorably out of control over the coming
months, with the last image we see as "The
West Wing" concludes its run in May
is the first--but surely not the last--mushroom
cloud, a sure sign that the total destruction
of all mankind is imminent, and all because
the American public was duped into electing
a wildly unqualified man as their President?
Why not give that a try, hmmm?...

Or, well, maybe they could just give Jimmy
Smits the gig, instead. That'd be cool, too,
I suppose...

March 24th, 2005

Lately, I've taken to compiling a number
of mix CDs, happily cherry-picking a wide
range of music from my vast collection of
discs, a subject I fully intend to enthusiastically
bore you all with in the days ahead, so be
advised. However, for today's relatively
short-winded anecdote, all you really need
to know is that I've managed to hook my old
Fantaco Enterprises buddy, Roger Green, on
this uniquely creative process as well, and
the two of us have been swapping our hand-made
musical amalgamations via the U.S. mail for
the last few months now.

Roger, unlike myself, always provides a track
listing with his CDs, but I find it more
fun to listen to then "blind",
and thus be surprised by each new tune as
it comes freshly piping out of my stereo's
speakers, both woofing and tweeting. Such
was the case yesterday when, while sitting
at the drawing board, inking merrily away,
an oh-so-familiar sound filled the room,
and it immediately brought a big smile to
my face. No surprise there--it's virtually
the same reaction I've had every time the
Big Bopper's classic "Chantilly Lace"
has been within earshot since one unforgettable
day way back in 1976...

(Cue flashback dissolve)

I was still living with my college roomies
in Buffalo, N Y, contentedly ensconced in
typically--if only slightly--run-down off-campus
housing, and more often than not, my gal
pal--and future architect of this very site--Lynn
was in attendance.

A few months earlier, we'd seen "That'll
Be The Day", a film detailing the struggles
of a working class British youth achieving
rock and roll stardom in the fifties, starring
David Essex and Ringo Starr. It was pretty
decent movie--and it spawned an even better
soundtrack LP.

"Runaway", "Let the Good Times
Roll", "Wake Up Little Susie",
"Great Balls Of Fire", the title
tune--in all, there were close to twenty-five
stone cold early rock classics tightly packed
onto this slim slab of black vinyl, and in
most every case--as someone who didn't hop
on the pop train until 1964--this was the
first time I'd owned any of these pre-Fabs
45s, so as a result, I played the record
frequently, and--as is still often the case--loudly.
VERY loudly....

Well, like I said, Lynn practically lived
over at our place that Bicentennial year,
so she often had her phone calls rerouted
there, particularly those from some of her
many local area relatives. One afternoon,
while once again playing this wondrous collection
of fifties youth anthems at a dangerously
high volume, just as the momentary silence
between tracks conveniently allowed me to
hear the ringing of the nearby wall phone
in the kitchen, I quickly picked up the receiver
to answer it. But, as fate would have it,
before I could utter a single word to Lynn's
Aunt Bobbie on the other end of the line,
the music from my nearby stereo instead blasted
across the rooms, into the mouthpiece, and
all the way to the outlying town of Tonawanda--and
into the ears of a VERY confused woman.

Because, y'see, before I could say anything,
Lynn's Aunt was greeted rudely with a very
loud--and a very lascivious--"HelloooooOOO
baby!", as The Big Bopper chose that
precise inoppertune moment to speak from
beyond the grave and make me look really,
really foolish in the eye's of MY baby's
kin!!

"I beg your pardon?" came the voice
from the other end. I stammered out some
sort of explanation--probably the truth,
though who can recall for sure after all
this time--but I mercifully changed the subject
and hastily handed over the phone to Lynn,
who'd been watching the entire accidental
improvisational playlet proceed with undisguised
amusement. The legacy of that afternoon is
simple--to this very day, I can't help thinking
of my wife's Aunt Bobbie every time I hear
"Chantilly Lace".

Well, at least I managed to get off of the
phone and quickly over to the volume control
before she, in her confusion, may've mistakenly
thought it was I who subsequently blurted
out, "You KNOW what I like!"...

March 23rd, 2005

Like most everyone else who spends more than
a small amount of time surfing the Net, I
have a preferred browser--in my case, Mozilla
Firefox--and like most everyone else, it's
been set to bring up a favorite web-page
when I first hop online each day, which in
my case would be Mark Evanier's News From ME blog.

It's a wonderful site--I think I've plugged
it often enough around here for my feelings
to've come across clearly--but it also holds
its share of surprises, not all of which
are of the good sort. There's always that
lingering fear lurking in the back of my
mind that I'll click on over to Mark's site
and learn of the untimely passing of yet
another comics--or comedy--giant from my
long-ago formative years.

But then, happily, there are OTHER days,
days like today.

Directly below the paws of a Yogi Bear cartoon
in today's top entry, Mark took the time
to issue an aside to yours truly, relating
a message from the gent(s) pictured below...

(Confidential to Fred Hembeck: Tom "Spongebob
Squarepants" Kenny told me to
tell the
world that your review of the songs
he co-authored
for the Spongebob movie and/or CD --
the
review is somewhere on this archived page -- was uncanny in that you nailed all the
"in" references. Nice job,
Hembeck.)

Wow!

To say I was giddy with delight that The
Man Who Speaks For The Sponge not only read
my review, but heartily approved of it, well,
that would've been a VAST understatement!
THIS is why I love toiling endless hours
over this blog! It's not for the vast riches
and the glamorous lifestyle it's afforded
me--uh uh, no way--but for the priceless
knowledge that somewhere out there, a personal
hero of mine is perusing my carefully worded
heartfelt sentiments, and that the love is
emanating electronically across the Earth's
expanse towards its intended target!( And
no, NOT the kind of love that misguided Reverend
guy was spouting off about awhile back concerning
good ol' SpongeBob!...)(...not that there's
anything wrong with that...)

As to HOW I was able to pinpoint the myriad
of influences Mr. Kenny and his collaborators--chief
amongst them, Andy Paley--lovingly acknowledged
musically in their expertly performed pastiches,
well, the answer is simple enough: I've listened
to a LOT of rock and roll in my time, and
have just naturally, ahem, ABSORBED a lot
of information--a concept our erstwhile sponge
no doubt groks!

Big thanks, then, to Tom Kenny--and faithful
messenger Mark, too--for making my day, maybe
even making it "The Best Day Ever"!!
(Okay, maybe not the absolute best, but certainly
a better than average one, you betcha!...)

Now, if my browser had been set to open up
at ANOTHER highly regarded and oft-visited
site, The Comic Reporter, I would've been
greeted by yet another surprise from yet
another Tom (Spurgeon, this time), as I was
intrigued to find that Mr. S. had just posted
an entry entitled "1000 things To Like About Comics"!

Nope--that WASN'T a typo! The total, in cold
hard type, is indeed one thousand!! Hey,
Tom--nobody likes a show-off!! You trying
to make the rest of us look like pikers,
or what? At least you qualified matters,
somewhat--you couldn't possibly LOVE all
the things you listed, right? (Just MOST
of them...)

Fact is, not having made a list myself since
1983, I'd briefly considered going the extra
zero option, until I decided that that way
led madness. I'm glad to see that someone
with as impeccable taste as Tom Spurgeon
took on the task instead. After all, I probably
would've inadvertently left number 92 off
MY list: "Andy Capp: Drunk, Wife-Beating
Adulterer"! (Calm down, folks--that's
meant ironically, dig?)

And thus end's the tale of two Tom's--see
you Tomorrow!

March 22nd, 2005

The second installment of "The Fred Hembeck Show" has now been posted over at the IGN Comics website, and this week's all-new piece recounts
the nigh indescribable trauma Little Freddy
endured (...though others might describe
it merely as a pesky inconvenience...) in
his fruitless search for the 9th issue of
JLA, the one that first told the team's previously
secret origin--while somehow turning them
into trees at the very same time! ,

You'll also find a full-sized version of
my redo up there, in full glorious Photo-shop
color--and remember, if you're at all liking
my take on that Sekowsky/Anderson classic,
it just so happens that it's currently on sale here at the site, you lucky, lucky people,
and I'd be more than happy to sell it to
any interested party! (Making a sale always
makes ME feel like throwing a party, too,
don'tcha know!..).

So, while you're all digging deep and considering
your fragile finances, I invite you to at
least take a few moments to check out this
latest edition of "The FH Show".
And while you're there, don't forget to give
Peter Sanderson's "Comics In Context" column a close look! Peter shares his take
on the upcoming Bugs Bunny extreme make-over,
and as always, it's fascinating stuff!

GO!

March 21st, 2005

SPRING IS HERE!!

...and if you're at all like Reed, Sue, Johnny,
and Ben, THIS is what you'll soon be
doing....

Yup, who DOESN'T like a little Spring gardening?
I believe this otherwise standard issue
of
ORGANIC GARDENING from 1993 was passed
along
to me by my mother-in-law, and I present
it here by way of happily greeting
the much-desired
change of seasons.

The subject matter of this quirky cover is
addressed on the contents page, no doubt
in hopes of minimizing the understandable
confusion of the magazine's regular readers...
"Uh oh--looks like our OG staff got
the "April Fools" stuff right out
of the way up front this year with a tribute
to the now classic (and darned expensive)
cover to FANTASTIC FOUR #1, the 1961 hit
that began the "Marvel Age of Comics".
Our cover was drawn by Ron Frenz (pencils)
and Al Milgrom (inks) and lettered by Jim
Novak (current Marvelites all), with colors
by our own Tim Teahan. The honored original
we pay tribute to was drawn by Jack (King)
Kirby with wise and witty word balloons by
Stan (the Man) Lee and inks by the late Sol
Brodksy, in whose memory we dedicate our
tribute."

Well, whoever wrote that blurb certainly
knew their Marvel Comics, no denying it.
A quick perusal of the publication's staff
does, in fact, turn up at least one name
familiar to long-time funnybook fans--Cat
Yronwode, late of Eclipse Comics, is listed
as a contributing editor. Whether or not
this little tableau was her brainstorm or
not, well, who can say, but it certainly
makes a case for Lee and Kirby's wide ranging
cultural influence.

And on a personal note, I just thought I'd
take this opportunity to mention the curious
fact that, having done nearly 400 Classic Cover Redos in my time--including quite a few FANTASTIC
FOUR ones originally drawn by The King--I've
nonetheless still NEVER actually done my
version of FF#1!?! Hey, how unlikely is THAT?

Speaking as were yesterday about the Caped
Crusader's celluloid history, the thought
occurs to me that most every aging fanboy
is more than eager to offer their opinion
as to WHICH cinematic Catwoman they prefer.

Fine actresses, one and all, but allow
me
to inject ANOTHER name into the discussion:

Lesley Gore.

Okay, okay--so the singer never actually
played Catwoman, but instead essayed the
role of Pussycat, Selina Kyle's junior assistant
in an early 1967, second season, two-part
Bat-episode. Ms. Gore had herself a new single
to promote at the time--"California
Nights"--and the opportunity to sing
it on what was still one of the hottest TV
shows going was just too good a chance to
pass up. Sometimes, it's decidedly advantageous
to be related to a big-time television producer,
and no doubt li'l Lesley made sure she got
uncle Howie Horwitz a particularity swell
birthday present THAT year!

The exposure worked, too, because "California
Nights" was the songstress's last top
twenty hit, topping out at number 16, her
highest chart action since "Sunshine,
Lollipops And Rainbows" made it to the
thirteenth slot two years earlier. Hey, I went out and bought myself a copy of the
tune soon after hearing its debut on the
"Batman" show, making it my first-ever
Lesley Gore disc--but definitely not my last.

Look, I realize she's not quite the bombshell
the other actresses mentioned above are.
And as a singer. though she possesses a distinctly
recognizable voice, I'm not here to argue
that Lesley Gore rates as a vocalist for
the ages. Still, I have to confess that I've
always found,her "girl next door"
vibe highly appealing, whether it's on the
small screen, vamping Burt Ward's Robin,
or on vinyl, deftly defining the early sixties
"girl group"sound (even sans group)
with such classics as "It's My Party","Judy's
Turn To Cry", "Maybe I Know",
"I Don't Want To Be A Loser", and
my favorite, the timeless "You Don't
Own Me". Why this woman isn't already
enshrined in The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
isn't just a mystery, it's a crime!

So, yeah, of all the ladies who've put on
a catsuit over the years, my fondest memories
are of Ms. Gore and her rather modest outfit.
Admittedly, the few stills that are out there
of producer Horwitz's niece in costume would
hardly qualify as "hot'--here are a few more, in color--but y'know, sometimes, "hot"
isn't everything. "Sweet" has its
merits as well. Yeah, I know my musical tastes
are all over the place, but to me there's
nothing more enjoyable than yet another listen
to a cherry-picked collection of her wonderful
1963-68 pop performances! Because, while
I clearly don't own her, I DO own an impressive
collection of her CDs!

And for THOSE webpages, ultimately, she can
thank her OTHER "uncle", Al, for
inventing the Internet!.(He didn't want to
be a loser, EITHER, but, ah well...)

March 19th, 2005

Not much to say today, except that we've
added over 30 new destinations to the Comic
Art Links page.

Maybe even more importantly, you can find
a whole new category, "Comics On Screen,
Both Big and Small", which is pretty
much exactly what it sounds like. Initially,
I left a listing of such cinematic endeavors
off of the page because the plan was, it
was going to wind up on the still forthcoming
Video Links page. However, seeing as how
I eventually wound up installing the sitcom
sites (and such) that I'd originally envisioned
for that very page on my Comedy Links page,
I finally realized the other night that there's
no real reason to be holding out on tallying
sites devoted to the filmed versions of comics
characters anymore, now is there? So, I offer
up nearly 20 for starters. As I find more,
I'll add them--this is, after all, just the
beginning (and to differentiate them from
the last round of still fairly fresh links,
which continue to boast their **, the newest arrivals are designated in this
manner: ** --even if it IS a few days past St. Pattie's
Day!...).

And thanks to anyone and everyone whom I
lifted links from, especially Tom Peyer, who sure knows his Batman TV Show sites!
If nothing else, check this Adam West starrer-site out! It's a doozy!

(...Or should that be, "it's a Dozier?"...)

March 18th, 2005

A few days ago, whilst trolling a handful
of my earliest issues of DC's DETECTIVE COMICS
for a suitable shot of our old friend, J'onn
J'onzz, to run in the previous entry, I stumbled
upon this once ubiquitous full page advertisement
in the very first issue of that Batman-headlined
publication that I'd ever purchased, the
August, 1961 issue, number 294...

Granted, there's a lot going on there, but
I really wasn't all that concerned about
being tough (after all, I was reading comic
books, wasn't I?...), learning to dance,
or even forking over a buck for a book chock-full
of fun for boys.

Nope, it was THIS portion of that ad that
caught my attention--and not entirely because
I liked to draw for fun, either!

Remember, folks, this was 1961. The Comics
Code had been ruling with an iron fist for
little over half a decade by that point,
and they carefully scrutinized everything
for objectionable content before a book made
it anywhere near a newsstand--and I mean
EVERYTHING! They probably even gave the staples
the once over in that era of heavy-handed
self-censorship!

So how, I've always wondered, did THIS ever
get past them?

And not just once, but month after month--and
not in some quasi-sleazy IW reprint sold
in plastic bags in the nation's bargain outlets,
either--uh uh--but in books issued by industry
leader National Periodical Publications no
less!

Not sure what I'm talking about yet? Well,
here's an even CLOSER look...

That's right--she's NAKED!!

AND brazenly colored in warm pink hues, just
so there'd be absolutely no mistake about
our shapely young model's lack of attire!!

Geez, talk about your fun for boys!?!..

This ad has ALWAYS baffled me. Were the Comics
Code people on some sort of mind-numbing
flu medication the first time this thing
slipped through, with its continued appearances
just a matter of lucky ongoing neglect?

Whatever it was, let's face it--there were
quite a few little boys out there aping the
excitement of our overly animated cartoon
friend pictured directly below the not-so-modest
Miss back in that woefully flesh-deprived
era.

Not ME, of course. I was SHOCKED, shocked
I tell you!

(And I'm gonna KEEP telling you that until
you believe me! However long it takes, I've
got the time...)

March 17th, 2005

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!

..from Bruce O' Banner...

...Brainiac O' Five...

...Mad Doctor O' Doom...

...and good ol' J'onn ("Kiss Me--I'm
Irish") O' J'onzz!

..as well as yours truly, Fred O' Hembeck!

(Oh, and by the way--did you hear? Someone
took a sledgehammer to the Blarney Stone,
and literally shattered it to bits! Yup,
it's a sad situation all right. Now all that's
left is Blarney rubble,,,)

March 16th, 2005

HAPPY 79th, JER!!!

That's right, friends, Jerry Lewis--the eternal
Kid--turns 79 today! Despite my life-long
fascination with the funnyman, I'm lousy
with birthdays, and this momentous occasion
would've most likely slipped right past me
if it weren't for the ever alert Will Pfiefer,
whose entry today over on his "X-Ray Spex" blog is devoted entirely to Mr. Lewis! Even
if you have only a casual interest in the
man, I recommend you take a look at Will's
posting because, besides making some salient
if seemingly controversial points (Jerry
Lewis was a cinematic innovator who deserves
some sort of long overdue recognition from
the Academy! YES!), he offers enough Lewis
links to keep even a disciple like myself
busy for hours! Why,he even links over to
THIS site! And, so, in the self-same spirit,
I'M gonna link to this site, too--specifically,
one page Will missed, my Classic Cover Redo of DC's ADVENTURES
OF JERRY LEWIS #83--or, as I prefer to think of it, the first
of 1964's "New Look" JERRY LEWIS
comics.

Beyond that, I'd like to leave you with one
of those priceless "Only Jerry Lewis"
anecdotes, the sort that, once witnessed,
are burned indelibly into your mind forever--or
in this case, a mere 21 years thus far....

For one mindbending week back in June of
1984, Jerry hosted a "Tonight Show"
styled gabfest, airing on (I believe) Fox
at 11 PM, Monday through Friday. I'm guessing
it was a syndicated venture, and I KNOW it
was a trial run--one in which ol' Jer was
ultimately overruled. Too bad--it was quite
the viewing experience...

Please understand that when Jerry Lewis is
funny, I find him highly entertaining--and
when he's NOT funny, well, I find him even
MORE entertaining! Now, normally, I'd have
qualms about enjoying metaphorical train
wrecks playing out across my TV screen, but
I never feel any such guilt when I watch
Jerry invariably insert foot deep into esophagus.
Mainly, that's because I can't think of any
other performer who has so brazenly worn
his oversized ego on his sleeve for such
a long period of time, effortlessly alternating
from the big idiot who'd fall off his chair
for no good reason save to get a laugh (the
source of my childhood infatuation with the
comic, if truth be told), to the unctuous
show-biz phony mouthing lofty platitudes
in a melodramatic effort to save mankind
from itself, to the demanding diva who's
so very easily enraged when he feels he's
been ever so slightly slighted. On a good
night, all THREE of these Jerry Lewis's are
on display, but the fun thing is, you just
never know WHICH one is most likely to show
up when you tune in...

Boasting two guests per night, Jerry had
the likes of Frank Sinatra, Suzanne Sommers,
Norm Crosby, William Shatner, Mel Torme,
Dabney Coleman, Maureen McGovern, Shecky
Greene, Carol Burnett, and Joe Piscopo sitting
on the couch alongside him (no, my memory
isn't THAT good--said info can be found here). The thing I most recall about those segments
was how the main subject of conversation
WASN'T the guest, but usually the host! Even
William Shatner--no small ego, himself--took
the opportunity to defer to his better, and
spent most of his couch time picking Jerry's
brain vis a vis the comedian's very real
directorial talents, Shatner himself hoping
to someday helm an upcoming "Star Trek"
flick--but c'mon, people, that DOESN'T mean
we can blame "The Final Frontier"
on Jerry! THAT rests entirely on The Shat's
shoulders...

But besides that motley mix of guests, Jerry
wasn't alone. Nope--Jerry had himself a sidekick,
his very own Ed McMahon. Filling that thankless
role was comedian Charlie Callas. You know,
the emaciated fellow with the big beak who's
main sthick was bobbing his head up and down
like a flamingo on acid while simultaneously
making funny noises with his mouth? Uh huh--THAT
Charlie Callas.

Well, for the first three nights, Charlie
was relegated to playing straight man to
his boss at the program's outset, and then
laughing mindlessly at the proceedings at
the end of the couch from that point onward.
Standard sidekick stuff. But then, after
the opening segment of the fourth show, Jerry
must've been feeling especially generous,
and set out to reward Callas for ably filling
his glamour-free subordinate role. Now, like
I said, it's been over two decades since
I saw the broadcast, so I can't vouch that
this is EXACTLY what Jerry said by way of
setting up Callas's moment to shine when
they came back from commercial that long-ago
night, but trust me, if the words are off
slightly, the spirit is definitely on the
mark...

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you
to stop what you're doing and pay very close
attention to what we have up for you next.
All week, my good friend Charlie Callas has
served as my second banana, and he's done
a marvelous, marvelous job in that capacity,
no doubt about it. But there's a lot more
to Charlie than just playing my stooge, which
is why I want you to watch the following
segment very closely. Because, ladies and
gentlemen, what you're about to see is perhaps
the funniest thing you'll EVER see! I know
that I double over every time Charlie performs
this absolutely hilarious bit, so sit back
you lucky people, and prepare to laugh--and
to laugh hard--you're in for a rare, rare
treat!"

" Charlie?..."

At which point, the emaciated comic with
the big beak comes out, bobs his head up
and down like a flamingo on acid, all the
while making funny noises with his mouth...

The poor sap. His one chance in the spotlight,
and Jerry steals his thunder by grossly overselling
his modest little act to the audience. Charlie
Chaplin reading the best of P. G. Wodehouse
while sitting on a whoopee cushion couldn't
have lived up to THAT introduction!?!...

There's a postscript to this story. Sometime
during the late nineties--before Jerry's
health caused him to bloat up--there was
a moment during one of his annual Labor Day
telethons that I'll never forget. Jerry was
talking via satellite to the folks anchoring
the New York portion of the telecast, and
after a few minutes of smoozing with head
honcho Tony Orlando, the singer interrupted
the flow of the conversation by saying, "Hey
Jer, look who we have over here!..."
The camera panned over to the folks diligently
(if tediously) answering the phones, one
of whom was none other than Charlie Callas!

Tony motioned for the now wizened--but still
emaciated--comic to come over and join the
group speaking electronically to Jerry. Lewis
seemed genuinely surprised to find his former
associate on the premises, paused for a second
to look him over, and then observed--with
a lilt in his voice--"You look like
a corpse in a tux!" Everyone laughed,
albeit uncomfortably, and then it was back
to the tote board. And oddly enough, though
he continues to bring on the aging master
of the malaprop, Norm Crosby, year after
year, Jerry's continued to neglect sharing
what he once considered The Funniest Routine
In The History Of Show Business with his
audience come each September.

It's a spin-off of the IGN FilmForce site,
which some of you may already be familiar
with thanks to the 75 previous weekly editions
of Peter Sanderson's always fascinating "Comics In Context" column. Well, Peter's getting himself a
new home, and--here's yer newsflash, cub
reporters--he ain't goin' it alone!

That's right, gang--every Tuesday evening,
you'll find a new column by yours truly over
at the IGN Comics site! What exactly it'll
turn into we'll all discover together, but
I thought I'd use the old "Fred Hembeck
Show" moniker that served me so well
back in my MARVEL AGE days because, well,
not only is it all-encompassing regarding
the potential topics under discussion, but
it also allows me to continue to exhibit
my painfully obvious egocentric fixation!
Yes, it's about comics, sure, but it's also
about ME! Well, they always say, write what
you know, y'know, so...

But semi-seriously, I'm delighted to be in
such good company as to be rubbing virtual
shoulders with the likes of Peter Sanderson.
I've been astutely aware of his well-reasoned
comics critiques ever since his lengthy missives
virtually forced legendary DC editor, Julie
Schwartz, to double the pages allotted for
his books letter columns way back in the
mid-sixties. In the ensuing years, I've had
the pleasure of hanging out with Peter at
any number of early eighties comic conventions,
and even spending some quality time with
him in the gloriously green environs of upstate
New York whilst in the company of several
mutual friends, this as recently as, oh,
(gulp) a decade or so back! Okay, well, we're
back together NOW, and hopefully it'll stay
that way for a good long while. Truth is,
I didn't know much of ANYTHING about these
IGN folks when they approached me to join
their team, but the mere fact that they'd
corralled Peter Sanderson into writing his
incisive pieces for them for as long as he
had, well, THAT was endorsement enough for
me. Plus, they promised me lots and lots
of readers!

And by the way, if you happen to BE one of
those new readers, zapping your way on over
here from the links included in my opening
column, WELCOME! (Geez, I'm beginning to
feel like a traffic cop, and I'm not even
entirely sure who's coming and who's going!?!...)
So, if this is your first visit to Hembeck.com,
stick around for awhile--there's a LOT to
see!

The rest of you--my hearty little band of
regulars--YOU go check out my column! Despite
fate's best efforts to screw things up for
me by killing our main computer just days
before I desperately needed it to scan and
color some specially drawn illos for "The
Show", we managed to hook things up
to the laptop and persevere. (A new master
computer is on its way--in the meantime,
scans may be a little on the light side here
abouts, though we DO have some just waiting
for the proper text accompaniment...)

Our first installment is your basic introduction,
with a piece pulled from the Hembeck.com
archives filling out the latter portion,
brushed off, tinkered with, and repurposed
for my new audience. Mostly, that was done
to make the opening week deadline, as I plan
to offer up all new stuff as often as possible
in the future (I have a pretty solid idea
for the next two episodes, for instance,
and they're both totally fresh). My new responsibilities
shouldn't put TOO much of a crimp in this
site's schedule, aside from most of my Tuesday
postings amounting to little more than "Today,
on "The Fred Hembeck Show", we
examine the impact characters of color have
had on the medium as opposed to that characters
WITH color in their names have had, so go
look..."

Which reminds me--are you STILL here? C'mon--go
look! And I'm sure that while you're there,
my editor (Yes! I have an editor!), Ken Plume,
and his IGN cohorts wouldn't mind one bit
if you gave the whole site a thorough look-see!

Anyway, here's hoping "The Fred Hembeck Show" has itself a nice healthy run, and doesn't
turn off enough of the audience and suddenly
become another "Turn-On"!...

Cub reporter Jimmy Olsen clearly does his
alleged friend, Superman, no favors on this
montage of redrawn Weisinger-era cover situations,
none of which scream "Friendship"...

Hope you like it, folks. Y'know, the LAST
time I dug out an old strip from the eighties,
it wasn't long before the entire comics-oriented
province of the realm of Blogovia was following
my lead! Hey, maybe after THIS, people will
finally realize what a tremendous jerk Jimmy
Olsen was at times.

Why, I bet you could easily devote a WHOLE
site proving what a dysfunctional bunch the
entire Superman Family was back in the sixties!
You could call it "Superman Is a Doody
Head"! Or SOMETHING like that...

Oh yeah, that's right--it's been done.
I
forgot.

Ahead of my time again. Sigh...

By the way, I just heard the news that Disney
chief Michael Eisner has been replaced by
Bob Iger. Hmm--Eisner and Iger. Sounds sorta
familiar somehow...

March 13th, 2005

From artist Mike Grell's first published
job in ADVENTURE COMICS #435 (October, 1974),
I share with you the following dubious detail...

"One of my fondest memories was when
I would really horribly screw up on
the art
(and) Joe Orlando would take me under
his
wing, call me aside, sit down, and
give me
a drawing lesson. I think it was the
second
"Aquaman" story I did, but
I had
him sitting a bit too low on the throne
(laughs),
a bit to the point where he looked
like he
was sitting on a toilet! (laughs) For
quite
a while, I was known as the guy who
drew
Aquaman on the toilet."

--Mike Grell, quoted in an interview
for
"The Legion Companion" (TwoMorrows
Publishing 2003) by author and chief
inquisitor
Glen Cadigan.

I'm more than two-thirds through this
highly
entertaining collection of chats with
several
decades worth of the ever-changing
creators
on DC Comics' long-running and popular
"Legion
of Super-Heroes" feature, and
though
I'll have more to say on the subject
in the
days to come, I just wanted to quickly
step
in and pick Glen up in the one instance
where
he clearly dropped the ball by not
including
a reproduction of the Sea King sitting,
um,
heavily upon his throne...

Oh, and in case you're at all curious,
Aquaman
is talking with Vulco, NOT Mr. Whipple!...

March 12th, 2005

A vintage Bob Hope hand puppet...

...for all of you who've always longed to
give ol' ski-nose the finger!

(Yeah, yeah, I know how lame that was. Beg
your pardon--we've been having some computer
troubles lately. Our main one just up and
died a few days back, and thus, access to
the scanner has been limited. Tomorrow we're
gonna try hooking it up to my laptop, and
then, hope (no relation) for the best. And
wouldn't you know it--the timing couldn't
have been more inconvenient, but the story
behind THAT all ties into a mildly special
announcement I'll be springing on you in
a few short days, so stay tuned folks! I
wanna tell ya, honest--just not yet...)

March 11th, 2005

Long time readers of "Fred Sez"
might recall that my daughter Julie was once
totally obsessed with the fellow pictured
above in the stylish PJs. Well, here's the
latest update: not anymore.

Oh, she pays lip service to how she still
appreciates his music, but whereas it once
was non-stop "Thriller", "Bad",
"Dangerous", and then back around
again, I can't honestly recall the last time
I heard her spin one of MJ's discs. The reason
for her slowly developing disinterest? She's
decided that--uh huh--Michael Jackson is
just TOO weird.

That girl is a true Hembeck, all right! Hey,
it may take awhile for us to catch up with
the rest of the crowd, but eventually we
get it! You bet! Better late than never,
y'know! (Hmmm--wonder what her FIRST clue
was?...)

Actually, going to that new school of hers
has influenced her musical tastes for the
better, I'm thinking. I don't mean that as
a put-down of Jackson's music so much as
a majority of what I hear on the radio stations
Julie and her pals generally tune into. She's
drifted away from the current rulers of the
airwaves, and spends most of here time listening
to CDs by The Shins, Eliot Smith, Le Tigre,
Rasputina, and The Blood Brothers. I found
both The Shins and her pair of Eliot Smith
discs to be excellent, stuff I would actually
listen to even if she weren't around. Le
Tigre and Rasputina weren't bad, either.
The Blood Brothers, though--well, let's just
say that the lead "singer" uses
a non-stop shriek that makes Robert Plant
sound like Perry Como by comparison! I'm
hoping she tires of their CD by the time
summer rolls around, because if she plays
it out by the pool, we're gonna have one
heckuva time keeping the neighborhood dogs
away, lemme tell ya!...

Of course, since The King of Pop has somehow
managed to maintain his sway over one of
Julie's best buddies, Courtney, the Gloved
One--or should that be, the Pajama-ed One?--still
makes his presence known hereabouts, particularly
when the pair indulge in one of their frequent
marathon phone conversations. It's times
like that when one can't help overhearing
such key words and phrases as "Blanket",
"Jesus juice", "Billie Jean",
and the ever popular "pedophile"...

Ugh. Well, on THAT sour note, now might
be
a swell time to "Beat It",
don't
you think?

March 10th, 2005

The first time I ever saw Jack Kirby's art,
it was in that short "Challengers of
the Unknown" reprint included in SECRET
ORIGINS #1.

My first encounter with Steve Ditko
took
place in the back pages of an issue
of STRANGE
TALES.

But Jim Aparo? HIM I first saw in a little
feature entitled, "The Wild Life And
Adventures of Miss Bikini Luv"!

Specifically, it was within the pages of
Charlton comics' GO-GO #5 (February 1967),
and just by chance, it was also Aparo's very
first foray into funnybooks! (And it was
only a happy accident, as the REAL reason
I'd picked up that particular issue of GO-GO--my
first--was because of a four page "Bestest
League of America" parody written by
Gary Friedrich and drawn by famed fan artist
Grass Green.)

Well, as you can imagine, I was immediately
impressed by this newcomer, and continued
to buy the next four--and last--issues of
this odd combination of satire rag/teen mag
just so I could see more of Aparo's Bikini
Luv!

Not that there was all that much more to
see. Surprisingly, for a feature that sounds
like it was primarily created as an excuse
to serve up a little (Code-approved) cheesecake,
the title character is either primarliy absent--or
seen in haircurlers, a bulky astronaut's
uniform, or dressed as a brunette beatnik--in
the five episodes illustrated by Aparo. Only
in GO-GO #7 does the Miss appear throughout
in a bikini (which, frankly, we Luv!...),
and a portion of THAT splash panel is scanned
in above for your viewing pleasure.

The panel below, sans the star, comes from
the artist's debut, and is a fine indication
of Aparo's otherwise sadly untapped humorous
bent...

Written by the mysterious Norm Dipluhm--of
whom, I must shamefacedly once again admit,
I long ago wrote a missive praising his work
that was later published in a GHOSTLY TALES
lettercol, having TOTALLY missed the, um,
double meaning of the man's name--these Miss
Bikini Luv episodes allowed Jim Aparo to
flex ALL his cartooning skills. I've been
a life-long admirer of the artist from the
very outset of his career, but still have
a overriding fondness for the work he did
those first few years at Charlton, back before
he moved over to enjoy a long and fruitful
association with DC Comics. Because, no matter
whether dealing with western subject matter,("Wander"),
super-heros, ("The Prankster"),
or the various sci-fi or spook stories found
in the various Charlton anthology titles,
there was always a little of the above pure
cartoony joy ala those GO-GO fillers to be
found sneaking into the panels of otherwise
deadly (or at least, semi) serious stories.
While he certainly remains a tremendously
talented illustrator (AND a great letterer,
let's not forget that) over at DC, that endearing
aspect of Aparo's approach seemed to all
but vanish while toiling in the halls of
the vastly larger firm, and I for one, miss
it to this day.

Sigh. Well, let me leave you with THIS remarkable
panel--one which took up fully two-thirds
of the original printed page--from the title's
sixth issue...

It sure makes you long for that never-quite-realized
BRAVE AND THE BOLD teaming of Batman and
Elvis Presley, doesn't it? Man, can you just
imagine the Bob Haney dialog for THAT one?
I'm all shook up just thinking about it!...

March 9th, 2005

Y'know sometimes, when the stars and planets
find themselves in just the right alignment,
life can play out pretty much exactly like
an Abbott and Costello routine...

Because of an imminent afternoon snowstorm,
the local schools sent kids home early today,
around noon. With all that extra free time
on her hands, daughter Julie came up to me
at one point and asked if I'd take a break
from what I was working on and play a few
hands of Uno with her, and I readily agreed.

We sat down at the dining room table, shuffled
the cards, and began to play. In the background,
the music I'd earlier slipped into the CD
deck continued to play. A vintage live show
from back in 1972 courtesy of Burton Cummings
and associates began to pipe into the room.
Though rarely interested in my music, Julie
atypically evinced curiosity in what was
playing, most likely because, while she'd
no doubt heard the songs before--"These
Eyes", "No Time", "American
Woman"--these more loosely performed
concert versions had the intriguing element
of sounding both familiar AND unfamiliar
simultaneously.

"Which group is this?" she
asked.

Pondering my cards, I answered, "Guess
Who".

"The Beatles?"

I looked up. I paused for a second, and suddenly
realized the direction this conversation
was headed. I smiled, and calmly repeated,
"Guess Who."

"Okay, then is it Paul McCartney
after
he left the Beatles?"

"Nope--Guess Who."

"John Lennon--is it John Lennon
then?"
she asked, getting exasperated.

"Uh uh. Guess Who."

"Jefferson Airplane? C'mon--which
of
your hippie bands is it?" (She
calls
ALL the groups from the sixties and
seventies
"hippie bands"...)

"Guess Who."

"I don't WANNA guess who--JUST TELL
ME!!"

And so, I did.

For those of you out there whose knowledge
of hippie bands from the past approximates
that of my darlin' fourteen year old, be
advised that WAS the name of the group--the
Guess Who!

I'll just bet Bud and Lou would've been SO
proud of me!..

March 8th, 2005

A couple of years back (okay, maybe more
than a couple), there was a very funny feature
that ran in THE COMIC READER magazine entitled
"Fandom Confidential", a fumetti
style strip starring the two gentlemen ("who
came in?...") responsible for its chuckle-laden
content, Jim Engel and Chuck Fiala. That's
right, friends--whereas I was only willing
to go so far as to offer up a cartoon caricature
of myself while interacting foolishly with
the funnybook icons of the day, these brave
gents ("really--WHO came in?...")
let themselves be shamelessly photographed
while mercilessly mugging for the camera--and
thanks to sharp writing, a keen eye (or four),
and unbridled hamminess, these mostly single
page vignettes were, more often than not,
absolutely hilarious!

In 1982, Kitchen Sink released a collection
of these classic TCR episodes, and , as you
can see from the cover reproduced above,
being lens-friendly glamour-pusses weren't
the boys ONLY discernible talent! Both Chuck
and Jim possessed admirable cartooning skills
as well, which should be eminently evident
from Mr. Engel's above illustration. For
awhile there, their carefully coiffed coconuts
AND their art graced nearly every issue of
the prestigious TCR. But, as things sometimes
seem to have a way of going, eventually both
their cartooning and "Fandom Confidential"
vanished from the scene. Why? Who's to say
for sure--maybe that poor camera FINALLY
broke, dig?--but time marched on, and I soon
lost track of the duo.

You wanna know one of the very best things
about the Internet? (BESIDES the high-paying
gigs, I mean...) It's getting back in touch
with old friends and colleagues after decades
of silence. Now, I don't THINK I ever actually
met Jim and Chuck in the flesh--although,
during my whirlwind early eighties comics
convention itinerary heyday, there's just
no telling for certain--but we've been aware
and admirers of each other's work pretty
much from the outset of our respective careers.
So, not long after staking out this cozy
little corner of the World Wide Web, I was
thrilled to hear from none other than good
ol' Jim Engel himself! (Chuck? No word as
of yet, but it's too soon to give up all
hope....)

Periodically, Jim'll check in with his own
recollection of some bit of comics minutia
that I've covered to loving excess in my
blog, and it's always enlightening to hear
his take on something we both experienced
at roughly the same time.

Yup, the email's from Jim the Critic were
always great, but then recently, Jim the
Cartoonist decided to very generously send
me several of these..

That's right--sketchbooks.

But these AREN'T like what most cartoonists
pawn off on their fans as sketchbooks these
days. More often than not, in those cases,
you'll get about thirty fully finished drawings
printed on about thirty pages, making these
publications more like mini-portfolios than
books containing anything remotely resembling
sketches. That's all well and good--don't
misunderstand me here. But that's NOT what
Mr. Engel assembles when HE compiles a sketchbook.
Each of his hefty tomes weigh in at around
100 pages, with each page filled to every
margin with random doodling goodness.

Which is not to say these compendiums are
filled with half-finished notions from his
noggin--far from it. While employing any
number of approaches--single weight line
illos all the way up to fully buttressed
inked extravaganzas--the sheer weight and
variety found in any of these books will
invariably cause one to pause and admire
the confident expertise invested in each
and every one of these pictorial vignettes.

(Translation: Lotsa purty pictures, peeps!...)

Jim shows a marked facility for caricatures
within these pages--and while Groucho and
the rest of his brothers turn up in nearly
every volume, and are hardly the most unique
(nor difficult) of subjects to tackle, how
many OTHER dead-on Joe Kubert likenesses
have YOU seen lately, huh, pal? And there's
far more than Joe on display--in the several
books Jim so generously sent me, I spied
the likes of Carmine Infantino, Dick Ayers,
Jack Cole, Rube Goldberg. Lou Fine, Wally
Wood, Osamu Tezuka, Bill Everett, Percy Crosby,
and--of course--Stan Lee, among many, many
others.

But it's not only the denizens of the comics
world who get the Engel treatment--I saw
plenty of other celebrities while whiling
away the hours with these 100 Page Super-Spectaculars:
Phil Spector, Woody Allen, Barry White, Buster
Keaton, Ben Turpin, F. Scott Fitzgerald,
Buddy Holly, Dennis Franz, Brain Wilson,
Emo Phillips, and THIS fellow...

However, I don't want you to get the wrong
idea--we're not peeking into Mort Drucker
Junior's secret files here--celebrity illos
only take up a small portion of Jim's wide-ranging
attention. Most of his pages--a majority
containing up to ten separate drawings apiece,
though each volume does boast its share of
lovingly rendered full page tableaus--are
covered with cute cartoony animals, oddly
structured humans, the occasional familiar
beloved costumed icon (an always deftly drawn
Captain Marvel leads all other contenders
in THIS department), and good ol' Jim himself!
(Apparently, that camera is on the fritz
for good...)

There are short comic strips, experimental
logos, personal printed asides, tributes
to fallen pets, and just a taste of Jim's
no-holds-barred opinions accompanying his
drawings--while most of his famous faced
subjects appear in loving tribute, several
clearly don't, and the artist isn't shy with
expressing his obvious contempt. So, yup,
gossip included, too!...

But mostly, its art.

The most difficult decisions for me in assembling
this post today was what exactly to include
in my paltry efforts to get across to you
fully the true nature of these jam-packed
sketchbooks, and I settled on the following
two pages. In some ways, since they both
focus on a single theme, they're NOT truly
representative, as most pages combine several
subjects with just as many artistic approaches,
but hey, I do what I can, y'know?...

And then we have Jim venturing into the world
of costumed crusaders in an atypically unfinished
page, one which I nonetheless believe captures
the joyous energy of his work--dare I say
it?--marvelously! (And excuse the greyishness--that
was the shadow caused by my scan, NOT the
paper in Jim's book...)

Jim tells me that the one consistent thing
he's heard from every single one of his cartoonist
buddies, ones that have been lucky enough
to receive one or more of these fabulous
books, is that, after paging through them,
you can't help but be inspired and anxious
to draw your ownself--and I'm no exception!
Just viewing the myriad of techniques Mr.
E utilizes on his expansive array of subjects
is certainly enough to get my own creative
juices percolating!

Just look at THAT drawing! I came across
several other illustrations of the Beatles,
including a few "finished" ones--and
they were all just swell, believe me--but
I'm just totally enchanted by this obviously
hastily drawn doodle of the Lads. With only
a few quick lines, he's completely nailed
the visages of Paul, John, Ringo, and George--all
the while, keeping them in an entirely cartoony
realm and away from the land of the overly-rendered!
Fab, gear, AND groovy!

Y'know, these sketchbooks remind me of nothing
if not that series of Robert Crumb's casual
cartooning collections that Fantagraphics
has been issuing over the past several years.
They're both brimming with material, occasionally
utilizing styles harkening back to the earliest
days of animation, and the ubiquitous Groucho
Marx--as well as a virtual parade of grizzled
bluesmen--flow from the talented pens of
both artists. True, you'll only be subjected
to incessant illos of ampled bottomed babes
within the pages of ONE of theses gent's
books, but hey, you can't have EVERYTHING,
y'know?...

Obviously, I was very much impressed with
the Jim Engel Sketchbook Series, but wondered
if they were for sale to the general public,
as opposed to serving merely as gifts to
his fellow scribblers. So, I asked Jim, and
this is what he had to say...
Yeah, I sell 'em if anyone's interested...(mostly
I circulate 'em to my handful of cartoonist
friends, just so SOMEBODY sees 'em.
I'm still
tryinna figure out a way to get 'em
PUBLISHED)...but
I have sold them by mail over the years
(less
a profitable venture than a way to
"share"
my stuff...).

What I do is, for $35.00 postpaid, I send
an autographed sketchbook with an extra
8
1/2X 11" page bound in that has
an original
drawing (my choice of subject) drawn
&
inscribed by me to the buyer as the
"frontispiece".
So that's like a hundred pages (I think)+
original art for 35 bucks. ($20.00
postpaid
WITHOUT the original drawing, should
someone
like my stuff, but not THAT much).
A fair
deal, I think (as you said--usually
you get
30 pages/30 drawings).

Vols.# 6 (1991) through #17 (last year)
are
available...

I'm at

JIM ENGEL
218 S. CRAIG PLACE
LOMBARD, IL. 60148

Thanks, Jim! Hopefully, I've convinced more
than a few of my readers out there to give
your sketchbooks a try (trust me, folks,
you can safely pick any volume number at
random--they're ALL great!), and maybe even
find yourself a publisher proper as well!
This is good stuff people--I wouldn't go
on and on like this if it weren't--and I
give it my highest recommendation! So buy
one already--or two, or three, or even more!

Hey, ANYTHING to keep Mr. Engel back behind
a drawing board instead of out in front of
a camera, y'know?!!

(Cheap gag, I know--sorry Jim, but I wanted
to wrap this up with some sort of joke, even
a tepid one...)

March 7th, 2005

I had this idea earlier today--why not try
Googling the phrase, "100 Things I Love
About Comics"?

Well, I did, and as a result, I've added
11 new lists since the one contributed the
other day by our German friend, Bjorn. The
roll call remains mid-way down our February, 2005 Archive page (on the 15th)--you might want to go take
a look. As always, new arrivals are listed
beneath Gary Sassaman's "Innocent Bystander".
Y'know, I really should find a separate home
for the list listing, which now totals 75
or so (depending on how you look at the folks
who contributed multiple tallies).

Any others out there I missed?...

March 6th, 2005

Over at Scott Saavedra's fun-filled "Comic Book Heaven" site, you'll find his twisted take on Curt
Swan's iconic cover for SUPERMAN ANNUAL #7
(1963), and as he cited me as an influence
in his decision to humorously desecrate this
classic illustration, I thought I'd offer
up my OWN take on said drawing...

Of course, Scott's take adds some entirely
new (and pretty funny) jokes into the mix,
while mine is a pretty straight ahead redo--that
is, if you can consider anything with squiggly
knees included on it to be "straight"--and
his is for sale, and mine isn't, having been
sold long ago (but we DO have several other
fine reinterpretations available for purchase, I'd like to hastily remind you!)

Someday, I'll get around to writing this
great comic up properly and post it over
in my Classic Cover Redo section, but just in case we all don't live that
long, I wanted to get this up on site today
so you folks could compare and contrast--AND
because its give's me a swell opportunity
to plug Scott's nifty site!

(And just for the record, I DID do another
version of this cover for a "Dateline:@#$%!"
strip focusing on the 25th Anniversary of
Wolverine, with the cranky X-Man standing
on the pedestal, surrounded by gags a'plenty!
Someday I'll post that one too--honest...)

March 6th, 2005

Today, my head feels like it's stuffed with
cotton balls. And my nose, well, as
you might
well imagine, THAT'S stuffed as well.

And when a cold throws me into a mostly useless
state like this, I can't help but think back
warmly on those Marvel Annuals pictured above.

The year was 1976. I was 23, living in an
old two story house on Stockbridge Avenue
in Buffalo, NY, with five other roommates.
True, I wasn't a kid any more--we were all
going to college--but I still had a wide-eyed
enthusiasm for comics, particularly Marvel
ones. Each Saturday I'd drive over to Grant
Books--about 20 minutes downtown--and eagerly
scoop up the newest releases. But one Saturday
in late spring, it was becoming increasingly
obvious that that just wasn't going to be
possible, as I was saddled with a nasty,
nasty cold.

I panicked. I didn't want to chance anything
selling out before I could get free of my
sick bed, and I was especially concerned
with the whole upcoming slate of Marvel Annuals
the company was just beginning to dole out
slowly over a several month period. I knew
all this because, back in those pre-Internet
days, there was ONE reliable source of on
sale dates for all the major publishers,
a small but literally indispensable magazine
called THE COMIC READER. So I was well aware
that the 11th FANTASTIC FOUR ANNUAL and the
3rd IRON MAN ANNUAL were slated to hit the
stands that very day.

I also knew the FF story was gonna be a way-cool
time-travel epic, one wherein Marvel's flagship
characters were destined to encounter The
Invaders--Captain America, Sub-Mariner, and
the original Human Torch (plus sidekicks)--in
a wild World War Two-based adventure penned
by Roy Thomas, drawn by John Buscema, and
sporting a Jack Kirby cover! Man--just in
describing the book for you folks, it STILL
sounds good to me! There was no way I'm missing
THAT!!

As for the Iron Man book, well, the excitement
there had to do with the fact that it was
a special story being written by Steve Gerber
and would feature Man-Thing, on whose book
he was then building a well-deserved scripting
reputation. Plus, the enigmatic FF villain,
The Molecule Man (actually, his son), was
the baddie de jour, but I'd read enough Gerber
by '76 to know he wasn't ever likely to feed
us the same old standard super-duper slugfest
that usually found its way into a second
tier title like IRON MAN. So yeah, I wanted
THIS one, too--and badly. But what to do?

Then my OWN Fabulous Flo--a cross between
the Ms's Nightingale and Steinberg--came
to my aid in my time of dire need: Lynn.

Lynn Moss and I had been dating for nearly
two years at that point, and when she saw
just how pitifully perturbed I was at the
prospect of missing my weekly dose of funny
books, she up and volunteered to drive down
to Grant Avenue and pick them up for me herself,
regardless of just how silly she might have
thought the whole situation was!

Well, I quickly took her up on her generous
offer, and, handing her the keys to my car--and
specific instructions as to which books to
look for--thanked her profusely, and sent
her on her Marvelous mission of mercy. Not
long after, she returned with my pair of
prizes in hand, and I grabbed them happily,
and soon had devoured both of them. They
WERE quite good, as it turned out, and I
remember especially liking the meeting between
the FF and Marvel's Golden Age heroes, but
the thing I'll always remember most about
those two comics is the kindness Lynn showed
me by trudging out to get them. That might
very well've been the point where I realized,
once and for all, THIS was the woman I wanted
to spend the rest of my life with!

Poor Lynn--what's that they say about
no
good deed ever goes unpunished?...

And speaking of good intentions, just to
switch gears here--yesterday, I introduced
you to our new-found German correspondent,
Bjorn Wederhake. Turns out I was so concerned
about running his first name sans umlaut,
I went and misspelled his LAST name as "WedeShake"!!
Well, I've since gone back and corrected
my error, and wanted to make note of it here.
Sorry, Bjorn--relations between our two countries
are strained enough as it is thanks to a
certain Texan, I certainly didn't want to
contribute any more ill will!...

March 5th, 2005

I've got a cold today. First one I've had
all season, but considering Julie inaugurated
things about two weeks ago, and it spread
to Lynn last weekend, well, what makes ME
so special that I should miss taking my turn
at the sniffling, the sneezing and the general
lethargy that the rest of the family suffered
from these past few weeks, huh?

So, no big entry today.

But if I didn't feel like doing any thinking,
it sure didn't stop me from linking! Yup,
forty new additions today, all identified,
as usual, with a scarlet **.

Lotta bloggers. Over thirty, I believe. Anybody
who contributed to the "100 Things I
Love About Comics" frenzy from last
month gets, as a reward of sorts, enshrinement
on ye oldde Links Page (let the sarcastic
shouts of "Woo-hoo!" now commence...).
And by the way, the book on that little experiment
is in no way closed. Why, in just the last
couple of days, I've discovered four new
lists, and have dutifully added them to my
round-up included on the February 15th posting,
which you can access by going to the February, 2005 Archives.(Since I didn't plan ahead for adding new
additions to the roll call, I've just taken
to putting the new arrivals under the Gary
Sassaman entry, mainly cuz there's a line
of non-linked type after his blog's name,
and thus I don't have to be concerned about
the occasional wandering linkage that sometimes
happens when I try putting two links up against
one another. So if you're looking for fresh
ones in the future, that's where they'll
be. And say "hi" to Gary while
you're there!...)

Which leads me to a very special listing
that I want to call your attention to. A
few days back, I received a very nice email
from a young man over in Germany (and no,
I'm NOT going to run it here. We've had so
many letters in "Fred Sez" lately
that, y'know, it's in REAL danger of turning
into "Let's Yap With Cap"!...)

Suffice to say Bjorn Wederhake (with an umlaut
over the "o", but not on THIS keyboard,
I'm afraid--my apologies) was kind enough
to say lotsa swell things about this site--which
I found especially gratifying since, up until
stumbling across "Hembeck.com"
not long ago, he pretty much knew nothing
whatsoever about yours truly. While I certainly
appreciate all of you out there who are long-time
fans, it's nice to know that I'm still capable
of making some brand new ones--and ones on
the other side of the ocean, at that!

Well, after making with the compliments,
all sincere like, Bjorn got down to brass
tacks--his true motivation at writing was
to implore me to add permalinks to my blog
entries! Not wanting to cause an international
incident, Lynn looked into the situation,
and thought she had it figured. Thought.
It didn't work, but we're gonna try again,
and soon. No guarantees, but hopefully, we
won't be the last remaining weblog sans permalinks.

In the course of writing back to Herr Wederhake,
I noticed he contributed to a German comics
site, Comicgate (please, no Nixon jokes), and I suggested
maybe he'd like to get in on the fun of making
up a list of his own. Not too long after,
he had it all ready and posted up on site,
and you can see it by going here.

It's quite illuminating. While there are
quite a few names we folks on this side of
the world are familiar with, Bjorn includes
a healthy dose of homegrown talent, as well
as some other European masters. and not only
does he annotate them in both his native
tongue AND in very good English, he's provided
links to ALL of them!

His anecdote regarding the first Superman/Spider-Man
team-up just proves kids will be kids, no
matter WHICH side of the Atlantic they're
on!

And, oh yeah, THAT guy made the cut, too.
What--you're surprised?...

Thanks for playing along, Bjorn, and making
this a global phenomenon! Your work was exemplary,
and some of your choices are sure to open
curious eyes over here! And I'll see what
we can do about those long over-due permalinks,
mach schnell!!

In fact, I've even added a new category on
the Links page: "Linked To Me From Around
the World", and have put the site our
German friend works for at the very top of
the list. So far, it's a list of one, granted,
but if anybody else out there from foreign
shores links to us, let me know, and I'll
happily add you in turn to my mini-United
Nations of Blogovia, okay? As Bjorn might
say, danke!

A last few notes on links. Check out "This Is Pop!", John Firehammer's blog (say,wasn't he a
Joe Kubert character?...), brightly and generously
illustrated with tons of great, garish pop
culture images. I was especially taken with
his pictorial history of BATMAN's ever evolving
logo. (Boy, if THAT sentence doesn't succinctly
sum up just the kinda guy I really am, I
don't know what does--heaven help me...)

And it was GREAT to see Steve Wintle's "Flat Earth" back in operation yesterday for the first
time since last summer. Let's hope it wasn't
only to mark the Third Annual "International
Read A Comic Book Naked Day", because
I think we all miss Steve's swell site a
lot ! That panel he included of the Archie
gang spying on a group of nudists shows the
boy's still got it!

(Did I celebrate the holiday, you ask? Hey, how
do you THINK I got this cold?...)

March 4th, 2005

I've said more than once in the past that
Fox's "24" is my favorite current
television program. Oh, I have no illusions
about it being the BEST, but it certainly
was the one I most eagerly looked forward
to watching each week. As soon as one hour
of the so-called real time thriller was over,
I was already anxious to find out what happened
next. But so far, nearly half-way into the
series fourth season, I've said nary a word
about the latest scenario hereabouts, and
you might well be wondering why.

Simple--I haven't watched it. Yet.

Blame the scheduling geniuses at Fox. Instead
of the typical September relaunch of the
show, they decided to hold it back until
January. The theory was, then there wouldn't
have to be any skipped weeks in presenting
the usual 24 episodes that make up each year's
single story. This seemed like a GREAT idea
to me, because in previous years, there'd
invariably be a three week "24"-less
gap around Christmas, and, even worse, ill-advised
situations like last March when, at a particularly
crucial point in the plot, Fox yanked it
off the schedule for five consecutive weeks!
FIVE WEEKS!! Man, was the suspense ever killing
me THAT month! So, having it broadcast week
in and week out, with no silly interruptions
for holidays or extra "American Idol"
piffle, THAT'D be well worth the extra wait,
I figured. And just to get things going like
gangbusters out of the gate, Fox generously
debuted with two hours on a Sunday night,
and then two more the very next day, in "24"s
new regular Monday night slot. THIS, however,
is where I got into trouble...

Look, I'd always devoured each episode as
they were aired--I'd never been able to get
even a hint of how the real time gimmick
would play out over several hours, though
I'd long wondered about it. Suddenly, here
was my chance--and all I had to do was restrain
myself from watching for a little over--yup--24
hours! But then I thought, why not wait a
few MORE days and I'd have FIVE exciting
hours at my disposal (PLUS the ten minute
prequel available only on the Season 3 DVD,
which I bought, however grudgingly). A few
more days went by, and it was six episodes,
then seven, then--well, we're up to eleven
now. That's a LOT of TV watching, folks,
even for me!

The thing is, I DON'T want to just dole 'em
out on a nightly basis for a week or so--I
wanna saddle up in front of the tube, and
take in as many as I possibly can in a single
sitting! But, unfortunately, that's not the
easiest thing to arrange. There's a little
thing called life that keeps getting in the
way of such fanciful plans. Luckily, it's
among the handful of shows I watch alone,
so there's no one else involved, a situation
which can, at times, became a scheduling
nightmare (there are shows I watch with wife
Lynn, shows I watch with daughter Julie,
and shows I watch with both of them--though
currently, that amounts to only "Gilmore
Girls", as "Lizzie McGuire"
and "Sabrina" are both off the
air, and Lynn bailed on the Sunday Fox comedies
last year, pleading burnout...). Someday
soon, though, I think I'm gonna drink a LOT
of tea, get caffeined up, and then stay up
real, REAL late, and find out just what Jack
Bauer and associates (I hesitate to call
them "friends"...) have been up
to this time around! (I've been especially
good at avoiding any and all information
about the current goings on, but my luck
can't hold out forever on that front, I'm
afraid...)

But I DID hear a quaint little story about
"24" the other day--NOT plot related,
please understand--one that I wanted to share
with you good people, thus my little preamble
above. (Yeah, that was just the WARM-UP!...)
Y'see, I was watching "Live With Regis
and Kelly" the morning after the Oscar
telecast, and--

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, WAIT
A MINUTE--you're complaining that you've
got no time to check out "24",
but you've got time to watch REGIS PHILBIN?!?",
you ask (and somewhat rudely, at that...)

Well, yes. Apples and oranges. It's part
of my weekday morning routine. Get up while
Julie prepares for school, watch the previous
evening's "Late Night With Conan O'Brien"
on tape, and just as that ends around nine,
turn on "Live" and eat my standard
breakfast--toasted bagel, cream cheese, Lipton
tea, two sugars, no milk--and enjoy the spontaneous
repartee between the mock gruff Regis and
the fast and funny Kelly. Honestly, it's
a swell way to start the day, and always
brings a smile to my face. True, most everything
after that 20 minute opening segment is usually
forgettable--though I leave the set on, I'm
usually either on the computer, at the drawing
board, or doing some other small chore at
the time--but I derive a lot of enjoyment
out of what's dubbed "Host chat".
Like, just the other day...

Regis was telling Kelly how he'd gone to
an Oscar party at the famous NYC eatery,
"Elaine's", the previous evening,
and among the people seated at his table
was Tony Danza. Now, as it turns out, Danza
presides over another live talk show--one
I've only watched once, though I'd seen him
sub for Regis often enough to know his act--and
Regis was mock complaining that, not only
had he spent all Sunday evening with him,
not only had he been called by Tony's producers
to fill in for a guest who'd dropped out
at the eleventh hour on the episode of that
very Monday morning's Danza extravaganza--LIVE,
remember--

--not only that, but the two of them were
supposed to have dinner together that very
evening! Plans had been made for the pair
to dine together weeks earlier, without any
inkling of the very close--and seemingly
unrelenting--proximity the duo would share
over that single (uh huh) 24 hour period!

Exasperated, as only Regis can be, the befuddled
host looked directly into the camera and
pleaded, "How much Tony Danza can a
man TAKE??" Good question, but there
were actually TWO other screws grinding up
the gears--New York was bracing for a late
season snow storm to arrive later that self-same
day, giving Regis further concerns regarding
his reluctance to dine with Danza and perhaps
reason enough to cancel the get-together
altogether.

But that wasn't the MOST eye-opening
reason.
It seemed Liza Minelli was mad at him...

Why?

Because, y'see, the singer had a standing
date with Regis's erstwhile dinner companion
to come over to her apartment every Monday
evening and watch each new episode of "24"
with her!

That's right, you heard me--these two show
biz titans hook up each Monday for the express
purpose of watching "24" together--and
Liza was upset that Regis was going to--however
inadvertently--ruin their routine!

Well, this befuddled Regis even further,
and he quizzed Danza about the situation
later that morning when he trudged on down
the street to the rookie host's nearby studio.
Turns out Minelli and Danza are just good
friends--friends who are nonetheless totally
hooked on "24", as it it were some
deadly habit-forming drug!

Ultimately, Regis ducked his dinner date,
we got the snow--though not nearly as much
as predicted, naturally--and one can only
assume, Tony and Liza spent the evening curled
up on her couch, watching this season's eleventh
hour of "24" (Yeah, THEY'RE ahead
of me, too...)..

So, those of you out there who follow the
pulse-pounding thriller with great loyalty
and intensity--like me, soon, honest--I just
want you to pause for a moment the next time
you pull up a chair and prepare to enjoy
the very latest episode of the Kiefer Sutherland
action-fest and consider this:

Somewhere, at that very same moment, in an
undeniably ritzy apartment building lodged
amongst the world's greatest city's legion
of legendary skyscrapers, Tony Danza and
Liza Minelli are perched on the edge of her
pricey couch, their hearts racing with the
very same anticipation YOU feel whenever
Jack Bauer finds himself in one of his myriad
of outlandish but nonetheless deadly predicaments!

Liza Minelli! Tony Danza! Jack Bauer!
And
YOU!

Got that? I want you to have that image lodged
solidly in your head the next time you watch
"24", okay? Because, Lord knows,
I'M never gonna be able to shake it...

(Or, you could always tape the show, and
sup with Regis. Just so long as he promises
to keep his voice down in the restaurant,
you'll be fine...)

Your wondering aloud if Herbie really had
superhero adventures or just dreamed them
up to escape his unpleasant reality got me
to thinking about a theory that I've had
for years. That's that Mr. Ed never really
talked and all we were observing was the
product of Wilbur's disturbed imagination.
And why would that be? I dunno, but it seemed
odd that most of the time Mr. Ed interfered
was when Wilbur's sexy wife Carol was trying
to get amorous with the (for some reason)
very nervous Mr. Post.

Yes, I know I'm reading all kinds of things
in there that I'd like to hope The
Producers
didn't intend but next time take a
look and
I think you'll see what I mean.

An interesting theory, Craig, and one I would've
been more than willing to accept--IF a little
further investigation hadn't turned up photographic
evidence of what I believe to be the TRUE
source of Wilbur Post's curious yet continuous
consternation regarding the advances of the
cute and cuddly Carol...

How the heck was a goof like Wilbur Post
supposed to EVER compete with THAT?

Face it--after your wife does the Twist with
Clint Eastwood, YOU come up looking every
which way but good!! And don't think Mr.
Ed--the third party in this mangy menage
a mare--didn't make hay of the incident and
let poor Wilbur in on what he witnessed!
Man, talk about your unforgiven.

So if Wilbur seemed a little less than
assertive
with the missus, can you really blame
him?
After all, Clint--the REAL horse whisperer--had
some mighty big boots to fill.

And it certainly didn't help much that every
time Carol approached Wilbur, that unmistakable
look of l'amour in her eyes, she invariably
intoned, breathily, "Make my day!..."

(Ed's commanding of Wilbur to "Make
my hay" wasn't much better...)

March 2nd, 2005

Long-time readers know that I hold the artwork
Al Wiseman produced for the fifties' and
sixties' DENNIS THE MENACE comics in the
very highest of esteem. And, almost every
month, I receive an interesting email concerning
the subject, and February was no exception.

A fellow by the name of Mark Drummond wrote
the following missive a short while back,
and he's graciously agreed to let me share
it with you. I think it's important because
it adds some new information to the mix,
and while I can't personally vouch for the
accuracy of said info one hundred percent,
I still wanted to get it out there (oh, and
by the way, the opinions expressed are solely
those of Mr. D, okay?).

Mark?...

Hi! I've been a fan of your work since I
saw those little strips of yours in DC Comics
in the late 1970s, and a Dennis The Menace
fan since I read my first Pocket Full of
Fun issue in late 1974. I finally got around
to reading your essay on Dennis, and although you may have been contacted
about this before, there is one misconception
in the piece that I should address.
Owen Fitzgerald was not the artist
that replaced
Al Wiseman on the main Dennis title
in the
early 1960s. Owen did do some work
on the
Dennis books then(including, I think,
the
1965 California vacation giant), but
he didn't
take over full art on the book(and
the "bonus"
series) until the mid-1970s. I have
a complete
collection of the main Dennis title
from
1953 till about mid-1963, and all the
non-reprint
Giant/Special/oddball issues until
mid-1966(
mostly bought over the internet and
Ebay,
for surprisingly cheap prices) and
when I
read them I found the replacement artist
announced in a Cookie Jar page around
1960.His name was Bruce Ariss. I think he was
an associate of Al Wiseman, and may have
come from the same advertising background.
I definitely think his work suffers in comparison
with Wiseman, and he certainly could look
sloppy and rushed with backgrounds and incidental
characters. He also took Sally, an occasional
friend of Margaret and Gina in the Wiseman
stories, and inexplicably transformed her
from a short redhead to a tall brunette.
However, his work did retain expressive lettering
and quite a bit of dynamism, so I didn't
mind his presence in the books that much.

Wiseman...

...not Wiseman...

However, later there would come an indeed
"terrible" artist, succeeding
Ariss
in the late 1960s.
I don't know his name, but he drew
those
stories where Dennis visited England,
France,
Ireland, and Marriott's Great America.
His
work was incredibly flat, depthless,
stiff,
conventionally lettered, and almost
completely
absent any movement or humor. I couldn't
stand seeing reprints of his stuff
as a kid,
and I still don't care for it now.
I'm not
even sure if Fred Toole was still writing
the books at that point.
My first Exposure to Dennis comics
was a
Pocket Full of Fun Xmas reprint of
all-Wiseman
stories in late 1974. I treasured that
book
and read it till it fell apart, and
any later
issues that specialized in Wiseman
were keepers.
My memories of those are what spurred
me
to collect the original issues 30 years
later.
Any PFOF digest with all-Ariss stories
were
OK too; they could be counted on to
have
at least one story to make me laugh.
But the all-3rd artist PFOFs that began
popping
up in the late 1970s? BLECCHHH! They
were
so horrible I rarely reread them. Plus,
the
fact that they looked positively anorexic
compared to the earlier, fatter issues...Thanks a lot, Mark! My collection of DENNIS
THE MENACE comics, though fairly substantial,
starts becoming spotty as Wiseman relinquished
his role as the regular artist on the monthly
title, going over to handle instead most
of those wonderful special giant editions.
So, it turns out I don't actually possess
the issue in which the changeover to Bruce
Ariss was announced on the text page (but
I DO have the one where the editors proudly
trumpet a "Dennis" fan in Korea!...).
And I only have a few stray issues from the
late sixties and early seventies, so I'm
not entirely sure exactly which artist that
Mark's, um, less than happy with, so I've
prudently decided NOT to venture any visual
aids in an effort to prove his point. Hey,
I'm staying out of THAT one, folks!

Instead, I offer you a few side by side pictorial
comparisons between Wiseman and his successor...

Wiseman...

...not Wiseman...

Y'know, looking at the art supplied by Ariss
for the feature, I see only one over-riding
flaw: it's NOT Al Wiseman.

That was the problem then, and that remains
the problem now. But as Mark contends, it's
really not all that bad, judged solely on
its own merits. In fact, it's actually quite
good, and more in line with the style employed
by creator Ketcham than the magnificently
precise approach Wiseman's work evolved into
over the bountiful decade he handled the
chores on the comic book "Dennis"
(compare the earliest Wiseman ghosting with
his drawing ten years later--both are clearly
recognizable as his work, but the differences
are substantial).

Ariss's work exhibits great energy, and generally
manage to do scripter Fred Toole's inventive
story-line's justice, but when I was a kid,
that wasn't quite enough--he wasn't Al Wiseman,
much the same way John Romita wasn't Steve
Ditko on AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, and Ross Andru
wasn't Carmine Infantino on THE FLASH. Good--even
great--artists all, but each saddled with
the unenviable job of following the definitive
vision on each character. And as time went
on, in an effort to build up the accomplishments
of the woefully overlooked Wiseman, denigrating
those who followed him somehow seemed a way
to buttress the man's growing legend. Not
particularly kosher, but it happens...

Y'know, I guess I wasn't TOO down on the
new guy, cuz going through my old books to
put this entry together, I noticed that I
stuck with the book on up until number 78,
issued in early 1965, several years after
I'd abandoned all other so-called "kiddie"
comics. I suppose if things were really all
THAT bad, I would've bailed out a whole lot
earlier, that's for sure

And speaking of "kiddie" comics,
back on February 27th, I wrote about blog-brother Noah Smith's
appearance in a letter-column of an old issue
of PETER PORKER, THE SPECTACULAR SPIDER-HAM
(several, actually), and reproduced said
communication. Well, now Noah has taken the
opportunity over in his "Baggy Pants And Bravado" blog to explain his letter, line by line,
and I must say, it makes for keenly illuminating
reading. Not since Richard Harris explained,
steely-eyed, the seemingly preposterous lyrics
of "MacArthur Park" to a smirking,
doubting Bob Costas on a memorable episode
of "Later" years back has the nonsensical
suddenly become so very, very crystal clear!

AND Noah throws in a real groaner of a visual
pun as well to start things off, so go--look!

(NOW will you call off your lawyers, Mr.
Smith? It was all in, heh, GOOD FUN, y'know?...)

March 1st, 2005

Years ago, the colorful fun-filled world
of comics was home to a monosyllabic, morbidly
obese pre-teen, one whose outlandish antics
were chronicled by the morbidly small ACG
comics company. In the course of these imaginative
escapades, the young star was generally admired
by great men, feared by powerful enemies,
or desired by beautiful women. The fact was,
he was thought of highly by everyone he came
into contact with—except his very own parents,
whose unchanging opinion of their son was
that he'd never amount to more than “a little
fat nothing”.

Such was the life of Herbie Popnecker.

But was it REALLY? Did any of it—save
for
the derisive attitude of his mother
and especially
his father—actually happen, or were
these
“adventures” (recorded for posterity
by Richard
Hughes and Ogden Whitney) merely desperate
flights of fancy dreamt up by the poor
put-upon
Herbie mainly as a way of sustaining
his
own precarious sanity?

You might well ask, was there ever
REALLY
a “Fat Fury”?

Who's to say for sure, as the Popnecker clan
slipped away from the four-color scene decades
ago. If Herbie's still out there, who's also
to say he didn't grow up into an angry, profane
adult? Someone who'd sit around, wearing
a flashy but soiled outfit, slouched in front
of his TV, beer in hand, and--

Okay, so there's no SOLID evidence that The
Fat Fury grew up and morphed into The Flying
(--word we don't use here at the site, but
one that features many of the same letters
as “Firetruck”--including the first--minus
several key ones), but it wouldn't be the
first time the resourceful Pete Von Sholly
had mined the more obscure corners of the
Silver Age for divine inspiration (check
out his update on John Stanley's “Melvin The Monster”), so who's to say this new character isn't
really an old one under that ill-fitting
mask?

Look, it's only a theory, but if you want
to check out this latest crusader with the
initials “FF”, you can read a free preview over at Pete's site. After which, I'm sure
Pete would love it if you actually BOUGHT
a copy of the Annoyed Avenger's first issue.
Be advised, though—the book's NOT for the
faint of heart. There's enough profanity
inside its 32 pages to make even those English
guys who write for Vertigo blush—well, almost.
The photographic fumetti format utilized
for most of the book helps accentuate the
book's outrageous humor—even if it definitely
calls into question the lead character's
dubious sanitary habits!

If nothing else, this should serve
as a warning
to parents everywhere—THIS is what
constantly
bad-mouthing your kids'll get you!
If I'm
right about the masked man's TRUE identity,
well, I'm sure our Flying friend has
a few
choice words for the elder Popnecker
these
days, and “Firetruck” ISN'T gonna be
one
of 'em! (...though it's close!!...)

While we're on the subject of somewhat questionable
lingo, gang, there's a new site out there
that's suddenly become all the rage, “Superman Is A Dick”. The folks responsible have made the startling
discovery that—I hope you're sitting down--old
Superman comics are prime targets to mercilessly
mock! Gee, now why didn't I ever think of that?...

But, seriously, the site is a lot of
snarky
fun, so you might want to go take a
gander
if you haven't already. My only real
quibble
is with that title. Clearly, Superman
ISN'T
a Dick—everyone knows ROBIN is a Dick.
Dick
Grayson. Superman, we all know, is
a Kent...