Wednesday, August 27, 2008

What, You Don't Know What A "Patter Patter" Is?

So the boy had his first official gym class today (last week was a trial run). I honestly don't know whether to laugh my ass off, or cry at what happened today. So since this is a gym, they have a couple of sets of parallel bars for the kids. On the poles that hold up...the other bars...they have a protective padding that goes around them (does that make sense? The ones going down to the floor that the kids could run into if they aren't careful...follow?). Anyway, apparently my son did NOT want to do any of the stuff the teacher was trying to get him to do. Instead he kept telling the teacher, "I watch." And then he directed my mom to sit and watch him. She said he would run over to the bars with the protective padding, and reach up as far as his little hands could reach, and then slide then down as fast as possible, landing on his butt. Then he would stand up really quickly, touch the floor, touch his head, and then run to the other set of bars about 5 feet away. He would then try and turn the knob on the other bars (to adjust the height I assume) and look at my mom and hold his arms out and go, "SSSSHHHHHHH!!!!" And then he would start all over again. Apparently he did this the entire class.

As my mother is telling me this I am freaking out thinking of OCD boy having to touch the ground and then his head, and then SSSHHHHH, and then...what the fuck? Dear God, my child has completely lost his mind. But I can tell by the amusement in my mom's voice that she isn't overly concerned with his NUTSO behaviour. I am mortified by the fact that he isn't participating in any of the class and by the way, WHAT IN THE HELL WAS HE DOING? Well after about the 5th time he did it she finally said, "Boy, WHAT are you doing?" He stopped what he was doing and looked over at her and said, "I paying patter patter Gigi." Like, duh. Ummm...excuse me? Again, and with added irritation this time, "Patter Patter Gigi!!!" Well she finally got it.

The Boy was playing fire fighter. He is currently obsessed with all things fire trucks (and scooper trucks, and dump trucks, and garbage trucks...) right now. And I bought him some DVD that he LOVES that shows all about being a fire fighter and what it entails and what they do on a daily basis. So now, allow me to decipher for you exactly what The Boy was doing.

When he was running his hands up to the top of the pole, and then landing on his butt, he was sliding down the pole. Then when he was touching the ground and then his head, he was apparently placing his hat on his head. Then when he was running over to the knob on the other poles and turning them, he was actually attaching the hose to the fire hydrant. And finally, as I am sure you have guessed by now, the final "SSSSHHHHH" was the water being sprayed onto the fire to put it out. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Good lord. All the other children are swinging from the bars, jumping on the trampolines, doing somersaults on the mats and singing songs. But not my kid. Nope. He was playing patter patter. I apparently shelled out big bucks so my son could have his own little make believe fire house.