Em hasn't been a stylist for years but she has not forgotten how to accessorize.

Most importantly, because I REFUSE to buy jeans here—all the best brands are American, and therefore cheaper back home—she brought my new best friend, the Levi's 531 Low Skinny, wash "Suzy." I had never tried this model, and so took a big risk ordering online. But my online shopping karma was obviously still in effect.

How do I love thee, best jeans ever? Let me count the ways:

You have very little stretch. Only 1%, to be exact, so your fabric is nice and thick and looks like what we all used to think of as denim.

Though you are called "Low Skinny," you're not butt-crack-porno low.

You are oh so kind to my rear end.

You have the giant Levi's pocket, well placed on derriere (see below), which also says, I'M AMERICAN, DAMMIT. (Not that everyone else in the world doesn't wear Levi's, but I feel a special sense of entitlement, having arisen from the same soil.)

Yes, you are skinny enough so that in two years I'll probably never want to see you again, but at least you do not have overlong legs, so you don't give me that weird tubular/stovepipe/Amy Winehouse effect.

You have no whiskers or annoying "antiquing," which only serves to remind me of the heinous acid wash trend I did not tolerate the first time around. (The slightly lighter blue on the butt below is courtesy of the flash.)

In a sea of overpriced designer whatever, I am always proud to wear Levi's. But sorry. Apparently, I took the last size 8. Ashley has definitely sung the praises of various jeans here. (She's the one who turned me onto J Brand.) But whoever gets tired of this topic? Sound off. I'll learn something new for the next time someone visits.