Clean Political Jokes

A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them.

The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

To which the man replied, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

A surgeon went to check on his very famous patient after an operation. She was awake , so he examined her. " You'll be fine," he said. She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?"

The Surgeon seemed to pause which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be alright won't I ?"

He replied, 'Yes , you'll be fine Miss Lewinski. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

I am Starr. Starr I are.I'm a brilliant barri-star.I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see,Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?Did you grope her in your house?Did you grope beneath her blouse?Did she give you gifts and ties?Were you spied by prying eyes?

I did not do that here or there! I did not do that anywhere! I did not do that in a chair! I went not near her giant hair! I did not join .... even for fun, The Mile High Club in Air Force One, So stow your feathers and your tar, I did not do her Starr you are!

Did you smile?Did you flirt?Did you peek beneath her skirt?And did you tell the girl to lie,When called upon to testify?

That is it; you've gone too far! I do not like you, Starr you are! I will not answer any more! In fact, I think I'll start a war! The public's easy to distract, When bombs are falling on Iraq!

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."

Janet, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can."

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him.

She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Hillary dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here. St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one second.

St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved because it belonged to mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked.

Hillary asks, "Where is Bill's clock?" St. Peter says, "Bill's clock is upstairs in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."