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Thursday, April 30, 2015

Okay,
so I decided to start the four year anniversary celebrations one day
early. And I did so for a very specific
reason.

Before
I get into that though, I just thought I would get into detail over what you
all can expect over the next month...no, wait. Scratch that. I'll show
you what you can expect until the first part of June, because that's how long
this anniversary celebration is going to last.

So,
you had your say, and you decided that you wanted to hear a month of personal
stories. And, well, I am actually happy
that most of you picked that option, as that was the route that I really wanted
to go anyway.

But
the more I thought about it...the more I thought...well, what if I tell you
thirty-four personal stories - one for every year that I've been alive? I would start from birth and tell you one
personal story from each year of my life.
I'd of course, pepper each entry with a little bit of pop culture.

You
see, each entry will start with the top movie at the box office the week I was
born, the top rated television show that year, and the #1 song the week I was
born. I don't really have to do this,
but I find it fun to see what was popular around each of my birthdays.

Now,
I'll be doing this six of the seven days of the week. The Tuesday Timeline entries will probably go ahead as normal,
but I will say that each Tuesday Timeline spotlight during the month of May
will take place between 1981 and 2014.
After all, that's the only time period that I've been around for. Hence the need for the anniversary
celebration to expand into June.

But
take it from me. You'll probably learn
a lot more about me than you wanted to know.

So,
let's start at the very beginning, shall we?
A personal story from year...I guess you could say zero.

And,
I know what you're thinking. You're
probably thinking, how the hell can you remember any sort of detail from the
first year of your life? Truth is...I
can't. In fact, the first three or four
years are going to be stories told to me by my family members. And, well...I guess I sort of have to trust
them, right?

So,
here goes. We'll start with the
prerequisite baby picture.

Can't
believe I was ever that tiny!

YEAR ZERO STATS - 5/18/81 - 5/17/82

#1 SONG THE WEEK OF 5/18/81

Bette Davis Eyes/KIM CARNES

#1 MOVIE AT THE BOX OFFICE WEEK OF 5/18/81

"Happy Birthday To Me"

(How appropriate!)

#1 SHOW OF THE 1981-1982 SEASON

"Dallas"

And
the title of this blog entry might confuse you. The title being "Today Should Have Been My Birthday"
might seem like a bit of a weird title to give this piece, but the thing
is...it's absolutely the truth.

You
see...my actual date of birth was supposed to have been April 30, 1981. I was born nearly three weeks later. Can you say overdue?

Can
you say "extremely patient mother"?

Here's
the story behind that. I won't bore you
with the details of how I came into this world because by now, I'm sure most of
you probably know how it happened. And
if you don't...lord help you. All you
need to know is that my conception happened sometime during the summer of 1980.

And
given that my mom's original due date was supposed to have been April 30,
counting back nine months meant that I was supposedly conceived sometime
between July 26 and August 2, 1980.

But
for some reason, April came and went, and most of May passed by before my mom
was brought into the hospital to give birth to me. And it was my actual birthdate in which the doctor who delivered
me exclaimed that I was way overdue!

Not
premature. Not on time. Overdue.
By eighteen days!

So
much for conception at the end of July.
More like the beginning of the month!

Not
that it mattered all that much. I was
born on a Monday morning at 7:35am.
Even though I was an overdue baby, my birth weight was just under six
pounds. But hey, I guess you could say
that I was kind of an oddity from the very beginning. After all, I basically stayed in the womb a full eighteen days
past what I was supposed to. It's a
wonder my poor mother didn't serve me an eviction notice.

Of
course these days, women are induced into labour long before that ever happens,
so I don't think you'll see too many cases where babies were born nearly three
weeks past their due date. I guess I
could call myself a rarity.

But
you know, looking back on it, I'm glad I decided to wait before coming out in a
way. My original birthday was supposed
to have been April 30. April 30 is the
deadline to file your taxes in Canada.
Do I really want to share my birthday with the day that stresses most
Canadians out the most? Probably
not. I also would have been born on the
anniversary of the day that Adolf Hitler killed himself. Nice.

And,
having an April 30 birthday meant going to school each day my birthday fell on
a weekday. Which would have been five
of the seven days. Which completely
would have sucked.

Now,
a May 18 birthday on the other hand?
Well, May 18 is later in the year and closer to summer, so chances are
that it was going to be a warm day.
Unfortunately, it meant more of a chance of rain (I'll talk about that
in a future blog entry). And if May 18
falls on a Monday, it's a statutory holiday in Canada. And as it so happens, this year, my birthday
falls on Victoria Day! What a great
year this is going to be. Funny, I was
born on Victoria Day as well. I suppose
this could be considered a full circle kind of year!

No
matter what, I was born thirty-four years ago this upcoming month. And while I was supposed to be an April
baby, I think May suits me better.

So stay tuned for some more personal stories from
the memory banks of this pop culture addict.
We've only just begun.

The
site above will take you to a link where you can donate money to the people of
Nepal. Mind you, this is a Canadian
site, so I have no idea if donations from outside of Canada can be
accepted. But Nepal and its surrounding
nations are enduring some major hardships lately on account of that massive
earthquake a few days ago, and the people there could use all the help they can
get. So, take some time and donate some
money to them if you can spare it.

(NOTE: You will need a major credit card to make a
donation.)

Secondly,
my thoughts go out to the people of Baltimore right now with all of the riots
going on. While I sympathize with the
reason why people are protesting, I don't have any tolerance for people who
destroy property and cause mischief out of anger for a decision that was made,
and if you are one of those that feels the need to do this, please stop. There are ways to protest wrongdoings
without resorting to violent acts.

Baltimore,
stay safe.

Anyway,
onto the real point of this blog - which really doesn't have anything to do
with the above postings at all - but still something that I've written about
after doing a lot of thinking about where I am right now.

I
want to thank those of you who cast a vote in the poll. Your votes helped me decide what topics to
talk about for the blog's anniversary month.
There's still a little bit of time to vote yet, but it appears as though
the personal stories choice won. So,
for at least the next thirty-one days (and actually, my plan is to make it go a
little bit longer than that), I'll be posting some personal stories about my
life and what I've learned. And, of
course, I'll be throwing in a little bit of a pop culture twist.

Think
of the blog entries for May as a nice refreshing glass of iced tea, and think
of the lemon wedge in the glass as the pop culture twist.

Now
I want iced tea. Be right back.

Ah. That's better. Now where was I? Oh,
yeah. Personal stories. Anyway, as I was saying, I have a really
cool idea as to how to present each of my personal stories...and I'll get into
more detail about that tomorrow.

For
now, I have a personal confession here.
And I'd like you all to hear me out.

You
know, in addition to the blog turning four years old in May, my birthday also
happens to be in May. I started this
blog six days after my thirtieth birthday, and now that I am a couple of weeks
away from turning thirty-four, part of me is amazed that I have kept this
blogging project going for so long.

But
realizing that I will be thirty-four has sort of made me think about a lot of
things right now.

Going
on social media sites, and connecting with people who are my age or a couple of
years older or younger, I've noticed that most of them have settled down and
have gotten married and had a child or two.
Believe me, I've seen your pictures, and read your status updates! But that's cool with me. Truth is, I like hearing all about those
kinds of stories. In a world that is
constantly peppered with bad news and doomsday prophecies, it's wonderful to
hear stories of people who have done well and found success in their
lives.

Mind
you, I imagine most of you sometimes want to rip your hair out with the stress
that comes from raising a family, but I suppose it's a necessary part of
becoming a parent. It's one of the
hardest jobs that one can do, but I can see how it can be one of the most
rewarding.

Of
course, I can only imagine this to be the case. I have no experience with having a family or raising children
because at nearly thirty-four years old, I am still childless. Of course, I'm nobody's husband either, so
that sort of explains why I am childless.

And
believe it or not, there was once a time in which that really bothered me.

I
guess in some manner of speaking, many people seem to equate success in the
amount of children one has. And
certainly for a lot of people, I can see why they would want to have
children. They would want to continue
the legacy that the family began. And
most people probably do want to become parents at some point in their
lives. And seeing the vast majority of
people who I went to school with having children and settling down, it did sort
of make me feel left out knowing that I didn't have any of my own to share.

But
that was then.

To
be completely honest, I've already made peace with the fact that in my
lifetime, I'm probably not going to be a parent. At least, not right at this moment.

And
I'm fine with that.

Let's
face it. I don't exactly have an easy
time taking care of myself a lot of the time.
I mean, sure, I do have financial responsibility and I probably could
handle the day-to-day aspects of taking care of a child. I did after all become an uncle at fifteen
years old and did a lot of child sitting when I was in my teens and early 20s.

But
emotionally speaking? Yeah, I'm
definitely not ready.

I'm
nowhere near where I want to be professionally, and I still have a long way to
go before I even can consider myself even in the right frame of mind to enter a
relationship, let alone father a child with somebody.

I
suppose it comes down to the whole pronoun that goes something like this. If you can't love yourself, you can't love
anyone else. And, as most of you know
by now, I am still trying to figure myself out.

The
way I see it, children deserve to have parents who have got mostly everything
together. I'm not afraid to admit that
I am nowhere near that yet. Truth is,
I'm just not ready to become a parent or a husband yet.

And
that's perfectly okay.

I
know - or I guess I should say have known - some rather rude people who
seem to believe that success is measured in how perfect your children are, and
that if people don't have children, they are selfish. I actually think that it is more selfish to bring a child into
the world for the purpose of keeping a marriage together, or to solely get
benefits from the government, but I suppose that's just my feeling on the
matter.

And keep in mind that some people are unable to have children
biologically. Think about that before
you call someone selfish for not having children.

I
suppose that this has ended up being a whole lot of rambling, but the bottom
line is this. I'm single. I'm childless. And, I'm perfectly okay with that. Maybe in a few years time, I'll think differently. Maybe ten years from now, I'll be trying to
write this blog while simultaneously trying to get two little ones into
bed. And maybe I go the rest of my life
not having known fatherhood.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I
certainly hope that most of you like music, because today's featured entry is
all about music. In fact, I suppose you
could call it a signature hit of sorts for a particular New Wave band. Not bad, given that the song had a disco
flavour to it.

That's
your one and only clue for now. In the
meantime, have a look at some of the other events that took place on April 28
throughout history. There's certainly
quite a lot that has happened.

1788 - Maryland becomes the seventh state to ratify the
Constitution of the United States

1792 - The French Revolutionary War begins with the
invasion of Austrian Netherlands by France

1881 - Billy the Kid escapes from the Lincoln County
Jail in New Mexico

Now
we get to the real meat of the matter.
Today's Tuesday Timeline date.

And,
well...I hope you all like the 1970s, because we're visiting the tail end of
that decade.

It
was April 28, 1979, and disco was three months away from being
murdered. As most of us know, July 12,
1979 was the official day that disco officially "died", which saw the
detonation of disco records in the middle of a baseball game between the
Detroit Tigers and the Chicago White Sox.
The event caused thousands of fans to rush onto the field and the game
was forfeited by Chicago because of the damage caused.

So,
what does this have to do with the Tuesday Timeline date? Well, you have to understand that disco
music dominated the charts in 1979.
Almost every single number one hit of 1979 was disco themed from Donna
Summer and the Bee Gees to Michael Jackson and even Rod Stewart!

And
given that by 1979, many people were getting tired of the disco scene, they saw
any artist who released a disco single as a sell-out or someone who lacked
creativity.

And
that included a rock band out of New York City. A band that formed in 1974 with the goal of making music that
didn't sound like anything else at the time.

A
band that scored their very first number one single with this hit thirty-six
years ago today.

ARTIST: Blondie

SONG: Heart of Glass

ALBUM:Parallel Lines

DATE RELEASED: January 3,
1979

PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS: #1 for 1 week

Yes,
the New Wave group "Blondie", made up of Debbie Harry, Chris Stein,
Frank Infante, Nigel Harrison, Jimmy Destri, and Clem Burke, had a #1 hit with
"Heart of Glass" between April 28 and May 4, 1979, and yes, it was a
disco hit.

Well,
actually, it started off as a song called "Once I Had A Love", which
was penned by both Stein and Harry in 1974 - right when the band had first
gotten together. Recorded as a demo in
1975, the song had a very different sound than the version most of us got to
hear. It was a lot slower, and had a
more basic disco beat. And, reportedly,
the band experimented with several genres of music to try and make the song
work before settling on pop disco.

At
one point, the song was almost released as a reggae hit, similar to the group's
1981 smash "The Tide Is High"!

Now,
it's really unclear as to who came up with the idea to make "Heart of
Glass" a disco single. Some
sources say that record producer Mike Chapman convinced Harry and Stein to make
the record a disco one, while other sources claim that Harry was the one who
insisted that disco was the way to go.

And
to be fair, Harry supported the disco scene.
In an interview she gave with NME Magazine in 1978, she stated that
while disco was commercial, but was also good.
She cited famous disco producer Giorgio Moroder as an example of this.

And
prior to Blondie releasing "Heart of Glass", the group had performed
at the Blitz Benefit at the famous rock club CBGB in May 1978 where to
everyone's shock, they performed an impromptu cover version of "I Feel
Love" by Donna Summer. Certainly
Blondie seemed to break down barriers and maintained their neutrality stance. They knew that rock was cool, but they
wanted to show that they liked disco music too. Sure enough, that moment in 1978 was one of the first times that
a rock band had performed a disco hit live.

I
only wish that I could have found the original music video to show you guys,
but alas, it is not available on YouTube.
But I do have a link to the video HERE. I can also tell you a few things about it.

Obviously,
the video was filmed in New York City, as we see shots of the Empire State
Building and the former World Trade Center intertwined between shots of the
band performing in what appears to be a discotheque.

TRIVIA: Contrary to
what some may think, and despite the appearance of an exterior shot of the club
appearing in the video, the video itself is NOT filmed at Studio 54. It was actually filmed in a different club
in New York City.

Oh,
and Debbie's interesting dress? You'll
never guess where the inspiration for it came from.

Believe
it or not, the pattern came from television scan lines. The asymmetrical dress - designed by Stephen
Sprouse was inspired by the scan line pattern which was photo printed onto a
piece of fabric, which was then draped over a layer of cotton fabric and
chiffon on top. It was quite a
fantastic piece. I should also note
that Debbie Harry herself had a designing credit. She designed all the T-shirts that the male band members wore in
the video.

Of
course, while the single did become Blondie's first #1 hit, it also caused fans
to cause a backlash against them for selling out. And certainly some of the members of Blondie felt the same
way. Drummer Clem Burke would refuse to
play the song live until it became a huge hit and he was forced to. Other members like Stein and Harry defended
the single and were proud of its success.

Oh,
and in some British radio stations, the line "once I had a love, and it
was a gas, soon turned out it was a pain in the ass" was banned from
airplay. Or at the very least, the BBC
would mute the lyric completely from radio play. Yeah, it's not even that offensive, people! To solve the problem, a second version was
recorded where the "pain in the ass" lyric was changed to "had a
heart of glass". Because
repetition is so much better than having a naughty word.

Anyway, whether you liked disco or not,
"Heart of Glass" was the #1 song 36 years ago today. Where does the time go?

Monday, April 27, 2015

Not
that there's anything really wrong with that.
The 1980s defined my childhood, and there were a lot of fun things about
that decade that forever shaped who I am as a person.

I
mean, one has to take a look at the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
reboot, the "Transformers" reboot, and the "Smurfs" reboot
to really understand that the 1980s are back in full force.

There's
even talk of a "Jem and the Holograms" live action movie that is set
to air at the end of the year.

Yeah,
that's right. Jem and the
Holograms. That girl group inspired by
a doll line that sang a whole bunch of cotton candy fluff songs that were
truly, truly, truly outrageous and made a catchphrase out of "Showtime, Synergy".

Yeah,
I don't really know how that's going to work either.

Now,
here's a confession. I don't really
remember watching Jem when it first came out.
But I've done an entry on the show, and had to do some research and
found that the cartoon's not that bad.
Mind you, the show is marketed towards a female audience, but the music
lover in me secretly kind of likes a couple of the songs played on the cartoon.

(Though,
admittedly, I think that if I were a cartoon character in 1985 - the same year
the cartoon was first screened - I'd probably be a Misfits fan. Nothing against the Holograms...just that
the Misfits had better sounding songs.)

Anyway,
I suppose it makes sense to do a Jem movie.
The movie is set to come out right around the 30th anniversary of the
cartoon series, so the timing is perfect.
I just have to wonder how they plan to make it happen in a 2015
world? I mean, let's face it, the
computer that Jerrica Benton used to create Jem was the size of a small
transport! In 2015, she may have USB
drives attached onto her earrings for all we know!

One
thing that I am sure will remain the same though is the original story of
Jem. When Jerrica Benton's father dies,
he leaves her part ownership of Starlight Music, and full ownership of the Starlight
House For Foster Girls. Jerrica's
sister Kimber, and two former Starlight Girls - Aja and Shana - help Jerrica
raise the twelve young orphan girls who call Starlight House home. Unfortunately, the other half of the record
company was left to the slimy Eric Raymond, who plans to use the company
profits to finance the promotion of his new band, The Misfits.

And
that doesn't suit well with Jerrica.
When her father ran Starlight Music, all of the profits made by the
record company went towards funding Starlight House. And with Eric threatening to cut off the cash flow to the
Starlight Girls, Jerrica decides to put her cards on the table. Receiving a final gift from her father of
Synergy, red star earrings, rock star fashions, musical instruments, and a cool
car, Jerrica decides to become a pink haired rock goddess named Jem, and
Kimber, Aja, and Shana become her Holograms.

(Now,
throughout the course of the show, only a handful of people discover that Jem
and Jerrica are the same person - and considering that Kimber is Jerrica's
sister and that Jem and Jerrica were rarely in the same room together, how
could the world be so incredibly stupid?)

Anyway,
Jem and the Holograms managed to get full control of Starlight Music, and when
Starlight House burned down, they won a Battle of the Bands contest against The
Misfits, and won a new mansion for the girls to live in.

But
don't think that it was easy to balance making hit records and taking care of
twelve orphaned girls. Certainly each
of the Starlight Girls provided their own set of hassles for Jerrica, Kimber,
Aja, and Shana. So, I thought that I
would use this space to talk about a few of the memorable ones.

I
suppose of the of the first Starlight Girls that we meet in the series is Ashley. Ashley is basically your
stereotypical bratty girl in that she doesn't like to take orders from anybody,
and she wants to be her own person. And
she's also introduced as being a bit of a "take what may or may not be
rightfully hers" personality when she swipes money from the house's
"Honor Jar". She's forced to
pay back thirty dollars - which she gets from The Misfits - and she decides
that The Misfits are going to be her real role models. Aside from Stormer who treats Ashley with
respect, the rest of the Misfits only want to use her to destroy Jem and the
Holograms, and eventually Ashley sees that Jerrica has had her back all along.

It's
actually quite amazing to see the complete turnaround that Ashley made in just
the course of a couple of episodes. She
went from being a bad girl wannabe to a regular Pollyanna. It would almost be believable if the change
wasn't so sudden. All in all, Ashley
would prove to be a leader in Starlight Mansion and served as a bit of a
caretaker for the other girls.

Deirdre was also another one of the older girls, and she
could be considered a role model as well, even though she had a really
sensitive personality. Her personality
was so sensitive that she when she felt that Jerrica and Jem were brushing her
off, she decided to run away from Starlight Mansion along with two other
Starlight Girls. Fortunately, Deirdre
found out that life on the streets wasn't nearly as much fun as she thought it
would be, and she returned home in time to watch a benefit concert that Jem and
the Holograms were throwing in support of a home for teenage runaways.

Nice
tie in, don't you think?

Krissie was another Starlight Girl that the show focused
on. She was one of the girls who ran
away with Deirdre, but she did it to keep an eye on them, showing that she may
very well be the most mature Starlight Girl of all. Mind you, her maturity has taken a backseat to her ability to
have common sense. She's almost fallen
off of high places twice. And she
certainly didn't take too kindly to the fact that a boy named Domenic Lerner
was making fun of her and bossing her around.
They later became friends though after she promised to teach him how to
swim.

And
then there's Ba Nee. Ba Nee was
Jerrica's favourite Starlight Girl, and she basically did everything for her.

Unfortunately,
Ba Nee is probably the Starlight Girl who has caused the most stress.

I
mean, when your eyesight is failing, and Jem and the Holograms work hard to
make a movie so that the profits could help fund an operation to save her
sight, how does Ba Nee thank her? By
running away from home with Deirdre and Krissie! Um, yeah...thanks for saving my sight, but I hate living here,
and so I must leave. What the hell, Ba
Nee?

Don't
even get started on the whole "my father is alive and he has red hair, and
therefore every man who has red hair must be my dad". This was Ba Nee's whole plot during the
whole series. And what did searching
for her father get her? Well, she
almost got eaten by a bear, and she got kidnapped by a man who claimed to be
her father, but was actually only claiming to be so he could have access to
Jem's money. And of course, Jerrica had
to endure Ba Nee's crying about how she wanted a father, regardless of how good
Jerrica and the rest of the Holograms treated her.

Yeah,
Ba Nee was just...yeah. At least she
tried to help Roxy from the Misfits learn how to read. So, she's not completely a loss.

At
least from what I hear, she did reunite with her father and the series
concluded with Ba Nee leaving Starlight Mansion for good - probably causing Jem
and the Holograms to breathe a sigh of relief...ahem...feel sad that she was
leaving, but happy that she was with family.

Anyway,
those were just four of the Starlight Girls.
Any fans of Jem...can you name the other eight? And what were some of your favourite
memories?

Sunday, April 26, 2015

This is a piece that I wrote
about five years ago. And the subject
happens to be about a time in which I was exiled from a Facebook group for what
seemed to be no reason at all. I
thought it would be a good time to revisit that piece I wrote all that time
ago, and take a look at what I've learned since that day.

Originally written on September
29, 2010.

You know, it's very seldom that I devote an entire
note to a recent event that has happened to me. Normally, I tend to write
notes in here that are mostly lighthearted. Talking about colours and
imagery. Writing about my hopes, dreams, and deepest desires.
Venting about crazy ladies who throw gum at me because our juice supply ran
low...

...well, okay, they aren't ALL positive.

But, if any of you who read these notes really know me
(and yes, I'll be touching upon that point a little later in this note), you'd
know that I tend not to talk about current events in my life. For one, I
don't think anybody would even be remotely interested in my current life,
because at times even I find it a bit dull and monotonous (though I am taking
steps to remedy that). And, for another, I actually find it much more
therapeutic to talk about things that happened to me in the past so i can look
at situations through adult eyes and laugh, heal, make peace with it, etc.

This note is going to be a bit different though.

I'm sure that when you glance at the title of the
article, you'll soon discover that the article is all about cliques (and not
about trains, though having a father who worked for a railroad for 31 years
makes me kind of a semi-expert in that subject as well).

The dictionary meaning for clique is as follows...

CLIQUE - a small exclusive group of people.

What's funny is that there are so many people who want
so desperately to belong to a clique, but yet so few people actually find
themselves actually belonging to one.

Growing up, I never did understand the whole concept
of cliques. To me, I was a kid who wanted to be liked by everybody, and
wanted to like everybody. Of course, a world where everybody likes and
respects each other is about as real as a world that is filled with unicorns
and fairy dust. So, you try to make do with what you have.

I do feel that there is a humongous difference between
a small group of friends and a clique. To me, having a small group of
friends means having a small group of at least three people who like and
respect each other, and will pretty much have each other's backs and won't let
other people hurt them, even if they kid each other around with humour and
inside jokes. I'd also like to believe that a small group of friends can
like and respect each other in spite of any differences that they may have, and
that a small group of friends can accept anybody else who may befriend the
other people in the friendship.

But, in my experience, a clique differs quite a bit
from a simple group of friends. To me, a clique is made up of a
group of a fixed or determined number...no more, no less. A clique is
formed based on one or more shared interests, and anyone who doesn't relate is
immediately excluded from being a part of it.

And, perhaps the biggest difference between a clique
and a mere group of friends is the fact that in a clique, friendships are built
on a foundation of conditions and high expectations.

Recently, I was involved in a situation that included
a clique (rather I was forced into being involved), and the end result has lead
to hurt feelings, anger, and general disgust in several people. I want to
speak about this experience I had. It isn't because I want people to feel
sorry for me, because I'm a lot stronger than I let on. It certainly
isn't to get revenge, because I don't play that game. And, it's not to
belittle or begrudge anyone either, because anyone who really knows me (again,
a key point to this whole essay), knows that I am the last person who would
take pleasure in other people's mistakes.

So, a few months back, I had made some friends with a
group of people who were mutual friends of some of my friends. They had
started up a group on Facebook, and when I was invited to join the group, I
didn't hesitate. The group itself was one of those self-improvement
groups, and again, to those who know me, they know that I have a bit of an
issue with making those self-improvements. So, joining a group that was
originally described as a group where people could share their dreams and their
goals with each other...it seemed like it was a fantastic idea. And, for
the first few months, it was great.

Then the cracks began to form. There was some
minor in-fighting between a couple of members, and there were a couple of
people who left the group, but since it didn't have anything to do with me, I
just ignored it.

Then, about three or four months ago, a couple of my
friends were blacklisted from the group for tangling with one of the members of
the group who was also a friend of mine. Again, since it didn't directly
affect me, I thought nothing of it. I was upset that two of my friends
were fighting with each other, but again, I trusted that both of them were
mature and responsible enough to handle the fights themselves away from the
group.

Then, out of the blue...one of the feuding friends
decides to end the friendship between her and ME...without any explanation to
me in regards of why she did it. Imagine my surprise when I was left
confused, because I was always under the assumption that we were cool, and that
I hadn't done anything wrong. It never dawned on me at the time when this
happened, but now that I think of it, I often wondered if maybe she had thought
that I had taken the side of the other friend because I was still talking with
him. But, again, I wanted to stay out of it. Obviously, there were
issues between the two of them, and obviously, it was up to them to work it
out. But, the idea that I would have my friendship forcibly ended with
one of the people didn't make any sense to me, especially since I wanted to
stay out of the line of fire.

So, imagine my surprise when the person who ended the
friendship with me sends me a message out of the blue two months later, telling
me that I should basically end my friendship with the other person, and that as
someone who has such a strong anti-bully stance, I should know better than to have
let him on my anti-bullying group because he was such a bully to her.

Let's just go ahead and dissect this little rambling.

First, for someone to decide not to have anything to
do with me because of my association with someone she dislikes to then come up
and try to tell me to drop this person as a friend tells me one thing.
She's a troublemaker. I don't like troublemakers very much. And,
besides...she decided way back when that I wasn't important or worthy enough
for her friendship and now she decides to warn me about him? Sorry.

Second...the person she had the conflict with and I
have been friends for almost an entire decade. It would take a lot to get
me to walk away from a friendship that I've had for such a long time.
Personality conflicts between people happen all the time...my friend of almost
10 years probably has friends that he has that I probably would not like...and
similarly, I'm sure that I have contacts that he's not fond of. But would
we end the friendship because of this? Unless that friendship was purely
toxic, not a chance. I'm just sorry that the other person involved in the
dispute was so insecure in our friendship that she chose to end it without
hearing my side of the story. Because if she really knew me, and really valued
my friendship, I most certainly would have tried to keep things civil, and I
would have tried to keep both friendships going.

Thirdly, I don't do well with ultimatums. For
the record, my friendship with the guy that has lasted ten years has never issued
me any sort of ultimatum in regards to my friendships with others. He may
not like everyone I hang out with but I'd like to think that we're secure
enough in our friendship that we need not worry. The other person
ended the friendship and THEN told me two months later why she did.
Sorry, not good enough in my opinion.

And, lastly...to try and use my beliefs and my passion
about a certain subject as a guilt trip to try and win brownie points from
me...I'm sorry...to me, that is pretty low, and if anything, it damages their
credibility a heck of a lot more than it damages mine.

So, long story short...I chose to remain loyal to my
friend who I had known the longest. His friendship is real, genuine, and
not based on a set of conditions. Hers was, and the more I thought of it,
the more I realized that having a friendship with her wasn't meant to be.

Then it really hit the fan.

Not long after she messaged me, which I pretty much
ignored, the founder of the group that I belonged to piped in with her two
cents, saying basically a repeat of everything that the other one had
said...that my other friend was bad news, I was getting in over my head, she
didn't feel comfortable maintaining the friendship as long as I was friends
with the other one...you know...things like that. I messaged her back,
saying that I would at least speak to my other friend to get the whole story
(mainly because I didn't understand why he was being blacklisted, and why I was
being blacklisted right alongside him).

Shortly after that message, I then went to visit the
group that I was a part of to see if I could get some advice on how
to handle the situation as someone who seemed to be unintentionally caught
in the middle.

Only I couldn't find the group.

It was only after that when I realized that all of my
friends (with the exception of two) from that group had either blocked me, or
decided that I wasn't worth having as a friend, and then it dawned on me.

I was blacklisted from that group because I had chosen
the friend who they did not like anymore. I was basically shown the door
by the owner of the group and her other friends because apparently I was
friends with the enemy.

Did I mention that this was all done BEFORE the
founder of the group contacted me? That she had ended our friendship and
kicked me out of the group BEFORE she told me that she was ending the
friendship?

I'm sorry, but what cowardice on her part.

Had I known that she had done this, I would not have
been nearly so nice to her in my reply back. I would have likely told her
off, and told her off real good.

When it first happened, I'll admit it. I was
deeply hurt. Why would I be kicked out of a group for such a silly reason
like that? Why wasn't my friendship important enough for them?
Didn't they enjoy my contributions? Didn't I inspire them?

Turns out, I wasn't the only one.

I know of quite a few people who were also kicked out
of the group for basically the same reason I was. We just didn't fit into
THEIR group.

We weren't IMPORTANT enough for them.

They had essentially become a clique...and the
troublemaker who tried to cause trouble between my friend and I was right in
the center of it all.

It was like high school all over again...being on the
outside of the clique that contained some of the "coolest" kids in
the school.

Though, looking at this clique, and many other cliques
that I've had to encounter in my school years, through adult eyes, I have a
different conclusion.

There isn't anything "cool" about a group of
people who shun others because they don't seem to fit THEIR criteria.
What it shows is insecurity plain and simple. Insecurity about
themselves, and insecurity about their relationships with other people.

If that group of people really (and I mean REALLY)
knew me, they'd know that I am the last person who would want to hurt anyone's
feelings intentionally. I am incredibly loyal to people who show loyalty
back. The fact of the matter is that my friend of almost ten years has
shown me that loyalty, even when times got too tough, while the whole lot of
those people didn't think twice about ending my friendship based on a conflict
between two people who were not me. And, people wonder who I'm going to
align with.

Let's get one thing straight. I don't have any respect
for the way this situation was handled by the group. I'm not acting like
a Mother Teresa here and saying that I was absolutely perfect. I know
that I could have done more to try and understand both sides of the story...but
it's incredibly difficult to try and get both sides when one side immediately
cuts you off before you get a chance to hear them out.

I also don't like the idea of people turning against
other people just because another person tells them to do so. It happened
with another one of my closest friends too, and to me, it shows more about
their character than it could ever possibly say about them.

People have made mistakes. Lapses in
judgment. Things that they could do over again if they could.

I wish that I didn't need to join that group to know
that I am a fantastic person who is incredibly loyal to their TRUE
friends. Although, in a way, I'm glad I did join, because I quickly
discovered who my real friends were from that experience.

The whole experience could have left me bitter, but I
choose not to let that happen. Clearly, those people in the group made
their choices, and they'll ultimately have to live with their choices. I
just hope they realize that what they did to me and my friends was much more
hateful, hurtful, and immature than anything that my friends could have done.

The worst part about this is that I still would have
posted on that group. I still would have used that group as a springboard
for healing my old wounds and finding my inner strength. If the opportunity
wasn't snatched away from me by force, I'd still be a member there. But,
it's kind of ironic in a sense that my deletion from that group lead to the
addition of inner strength, self-worth, and self-esteem.

And here we are...five years
later, and I still have these same thoughts.
I still have no tolerance for cliquey people, and whenever possible, I
try to avoid them as much as possible.
If they want to have their own exclusive group, by all means, let
them. In the end, they'll only become
some of the loneliest people to ever grace this world.