“I Wanna Marry ‘Harry'” 2nd episode recap

[Spoiler: If you don’t want to know who gets kicked off on the second episode, stop reading. Or not. Doesn’t really matter.]

Ok, that headline’s a little misleading. I half-watched the second episode of “I Wanna Marry Harry” while working and that’s more than enough attention. I’m still not down with all the vitriol hurled at these women for thinking this is Prince Harry (which I’m not positive they do despite their acting, see below) but I’m also still not really down with this show. I hate reality dating shows. I truly do. And I did find myself sneering at the girls in this episode for shallow things, like, oh I don’t know, how they dress. LIKE THIS CHICK:

Even Cressida did better on dates than this… (Photo courtesy of my tv screen.)

This girl is Rose who won the keys to “sir’s” adjoining bedroom on the first ep. Sidenote – Isn’t that kind of creepy though? Girls “Harry” picks get to sleep near him so he can come visit unannounced – which he does in this ep. Can’t “Harry” give something classier to each ep’s winner like a Redbull & Vodka or a friendship bracelet that benefits endangered salamanders?

Anyway this winner got to go on a date with “sir” the next day after a fancy breakfast in her room. She chose to dress for the date in cut-off shorts with the pockets hanging out and a tank top. Now, she didn’t know they were flying off in a helicopter to an empty field but they also didn’t tell her they were going to a crawfish boil. She could have worn a sundress or something. Even Cressie looked better at Glastonbury and one is meant to look like a hobo there. (Seriously, her Nike Air Max were pristine white. You’ve got to give the girl props for that.) He and this girl later kiss too. Matt, aka “Not Really Prince Harry,” looked like he was enjoying it while the girl got tiaras in her eyes.

A whole bunch of other crap happens in this episode like the chicks playing croquet, “sir” being rushed off by security in a SUV because…because I have no clue why. I think a lot of Pimms cups are drunk. The last event of the night is a fancy dinner where every one of the last 11 girls acts likes she’s never seen an oyster before. One of them even says they’re snails (okay, maybe the do they think he’s really Harry.) I’ll spare you the rest of the boring details except, again, ladies, I question your style choices. I’m looking at you blond in the red dress who stage-gagged her oyster. You need to lay off the frosted eyeshadow and ditch the Bump-It.

Finally, “sir” keeps one brunette (a huge clue he’s not the real Harry) and ditches another. I’m not even bothering with learning their names now. But I can tell you why this girl got dropped this week…(Photo courtesy of my TV)

She’s jacking with her earring while he’s telling her about her decision. Really? It comes off or something as she walks in and then she proceeds to listen to him while trying to put it back on. Just leave it off and pretend you’re going 80s-style. Or ask the director to stop rolling for a minute. This is all staged. Buh-bye random earring chick!