I usually try to use this blog to offer people nuggets of information that may possibly resonate with their souls to help them move into a more positive way of being – but please allow me to switch gears and use this space to simply speak from the heart today. Each day that I awake, I try to reaffirm my intention to be a light in this world. To bring something good where there wasn’t before. Yet, overtime, situations like the shooting in Las Vegas can gradually begin to erode that energy, leaving me feeling drained.

While I know that I’m not defeated (there has never been a more determined person), I do get tired. And reflecting on the current state of our world often leaves me questioning. It used to be that chaos, misunderstandings and tragedy were far away occurrences, but these days they seem to be coming closer and closer to home. Over the last few years I’ve had separations from some of my closest loved ones, been in the presence of fights and disagreements (something I hadn’t experienced in years) and been knocked off my center by information that took me completely by surprise. As someone who continually strives to be open and aware of my surroundings, I’m still shocked that all of these things have taken place. It’s as if the world has gained some sort of negative momentum, and despite a daily devotion to actively creating positivity around myself, I can’t escape its disruption. Maybe to think that I ever could was impractical anyway – but I mourn the loss of that innocence, none the less.

I see people around me, who I love, moving farther and farther away – and I know that there is nothing that I can do about it. In fact, I intuitively feel that I’m being asked to make the greatest sacrifice and let them go – like a test of my deepest faith and commitment. Despite the personal displays of wonder that I’ve experienced in this life (and there have been many) this still scares me. It leaves me feeling weak, powerless and exposed. I don’t like being vulnerable – even though I know that my most authentic and alive self resides in that place. I suppose it’s just one more set of walls coming down for my own personal growth. I’m changing again – from the inside out. This time, whether I like it or not. The experience comes with some definite growing pains.

My innate way of living has always been to seek meaning in these confusing moments. And while I may never be able to find suitable answers to something like the Las Vegas shooting, I am reminded that the only true power I have is through my own life and efforts. Yes, I am only one human being – but there are many more like me, this I know. We only hear about the tragedies (and I AM NOT knocking the media here because I believe that “forewarned is forearmed”) but it is also true that an army or Earth Angels works quietly behind the scenes. I’ve had the honor of standing side by side with many of them, both in my past career and now as a mental health counselor. People who are ready, willing and able to be present with others during their darkest times, providing comfort, knowledge and strength when it’s needed the most.

Look at those crowds during the shooting. I was so proud and uplifted by those individuals! Right in the midst of experiencing the most frightening moment of their lives and yet they were somehow able to stay calm, comfort others and even attend to the wounded. That was an awesome display of strength and humanity. It could have easily (and understandably) become a situation where everyone was out for themselves – but it wasn’t. A powerful unity was formed. The goodness of man was revealed exponentially – eclipsing the shadow of one man’s misguided actions. That realization reignites my passion with an amazing spark of hope. While I ache for the lives lost (and their grieving families), this incident only serves to reaffirm my commitment to being a force for good.

So, back to the only thing that I can control – myself. I will choose to walk forward in this life with the clear intention of holding a loving space for all those that I encounter. Despite the challenges. In terms of finding meaning, there is one powerful gift in the aftermath of all of this modern chaos. It clearly illuminates areas of weakness, injustice, and abuses of power in a way that we can easily recognize it. In the past, perhaps it was too hidden. And while “ignorance is bliss” it seems that we are being called into action to rise to a new more authentic state of being at this time in our human evolution. I pray for guidance for myself and all others during this challenging time – but I know that we are most certainly not beaten. The crowd in Las Vegas showed us that in the darkest of times, our greatest light leaps forward. Today is a new day. How can each of us serve as an expression of that light?