Friday, December 11, 2009

A weekly event during which Dumb Mom takes a few moments to focus on people, things, or events that are 1)dumber than her and 2)not related to anything, anyone, anywhere really cares about.

Please take a moment to also visit my Blogland buddy Mrs. 444 whose random Friday Fragments posts are a weekly inspiration for this event.

So let's jump right into this week's holiday edition of RanDumb by introducing you to some creepy holiday cats.

If you didn't hate cats before, you certainly will after you watch this video.

I mean, really, who has that kind of time on their hands?

It actually gave me chills listening to the cats "sing" or whatever that was.

And the dogs? Why the dogs? Are there even people on this planet that enjoy, like actually really delight in, the sound of a barking dog?

If so then you'd love to live in my neighborhood when, at 5am every effing morning, the dogs down the street are dragged, I mean walked, past my house yapping incessantly at nothing, everything, each other.

Similarly to the creepy, caroling cats, the sound makes me ill. Particularly come Sunday morning when sleeping past 5am should be a given.

I love a cute puppy as much as the next girl, but damn it all if I don't want to drag them down to the lake at the end of my street and toss them as far as my jiggly-rarely-used-for-anything-more-physical-than-drinking-coffee arm can toss.

Of course then I'd feel all bad and have to wade out to get the little buggers and then really be ticked when I get some sort of goose urine bacterial disease from the whole ordeal.

Anyway.

Speaking of creepy holidays, have you decided what to get your man for the big day?

What? You mean you're not familiar with this revolutionary product for male sexual enhancement?

Well, before I heard about it on the radio while minding my own business in my car the other day, I was wholly unaware that there was a product that could make him WIDER and THICKER!

Okay, seriously.

Do people really buy this stuff?

I know that the brainwashing, subliminal message filled commercial they put on the radio is hard to resist.

The woman SHOUTING "WIDER" AND "THICKER" OVER AND OVER AGAIN IS DIFFICULT TO IGNORE (and people are ticked that Britney says If You Seek Amy, yet WIDER and THICKER is somehow okay?!).

The facts, based on their RADIO COMMERCIAL and website, are these:

1) The "amazing new formulation" was discovered by "three former medical university students" (the fact that they are not doctors, but were maybe gonna be one day, should definitely prove this product is safe and effective).

2) Men like it when you describe their man parts as "meaty" because size is the "number one concern for every man" (which is great to hear since I was under the erroneous impression that financial stability, being good fathers, and keeping the family safe were top concerns with Hubby; now I know it's really all about being "meaty").

3) Prolixus is "the first and only thickn, wide, large enhancer" product using it's particular formula, on the market right now (and, the fact that they couldn't spell/grammar check their website before publishing it should not frighten you at all).

See. Now, aren't you convinced that this product is exactly what you should be spending at least $76.99 on for your man this holiday season?

Never mind that the ingredients are not listed, that their claims are not substantiated, and that the FDA has not approved it (meaning that his pistola could get WIDER and THICKER, or it could simply spontaneously detach itself from his person after coming into contact with this stuff. Just sayin'.).

I know, I know, the lady on the radio shouted something about a money back guarantee, which is basically the same thing as promising the stuff is gonna work, right?

I mean, it has to work; it was made by "former medical university students", remember?

Prolixus not at the top of your gift giving list this holiday (good for you)?

Well, there are tons of things that should be, all of which you could win if you are smart enough to enter your fugliest holiday cards, similar to this junk featured below (which for the record was Santa's idea, not mine!), in my contest by midnight tonight.

And, I mean midnight, because if you turn your photo in at 12:02am on 12/12/09 I am so gonna feature you on next week's RanDumb.

And, that is not a threat.

It is a promise.

P.S. How lucky are you guys that I can't enter this contest myself, and win? I've seen the entries, and some of them are good. As in really good. But none of them top this one of me sitting on Santa's lap while outweighing him by a solid 14lbs. I could feel his 70 year old knee quivering under my butt the entire time, and it wasn't from pleasure, let me just tell you.

22 comments:

Ok the cats were just horrible that sounded lke they were umm well dying . I would help ya toss the dogs just saying.. and the whatever that stuff was called yeah so nothappening.. First of all how insulting would it be to your man ( specially after 14 yrs of marriage) and secondly maybe it ain't him.. ya know umm yeah we will just leave it at that.. no no I won't.. perhaps if the woman doing the commercial was not the equivalent of tossing a hot dog down a hallway in the bedroom he wouldn't need to be meatier and wider... Ok I feel better now..

Those cat carolers were reallllly annoying! We keep telling our dogs that this is a 'no barking household'. Sometimes they forget and start to bark at random stuff, which results in them getting their snout-locks on. ;)

Um, yeah - I don't think I'll be buying that Prolixus for hubby...I'm betting he'll think it's another version of coal in his stocking. ;)

I promise not to submit my entry at 12:02 am. Don't want to be a RanDumb feature next week! ;)

You guys are being too nice! Go ahead and make fun of my Santa[slap-must-be-dying-photo, I can take it! It was ages ago anyway (that's #1 on my lap on Santa's lap!) and I like to think I look more, um, refined in my older age!

Um...nice Santa pic? It's bad enough some people butcher Christmas songs. Animals do not need to "sing" them too!

Ever notice how those male enhancement commercials come one when the kids are within earshot? Not a subject I'm ready to explain yet. And longer, maybe, but wider and thicker? Something just doesn't sound right with that.

Nuttin' wrong with your santa pic lady, you're just too hard on yourself. As for the stuff, I personally want nothing to do with my man's manhood per se so nothing will be given that reminds him that he has one. Poor hubby.

I didn't have to watch that video to hate cats....cats are super creepy to me and plus, anything that plays in a litter box and then jumps up on the counter tops is not a friend of mine.

I hate those commercials for male enhancement drugs and for the drugs that make women's boobs bigger...give me a break. 1. Who really buys that stuff? and 2. Do they really think it will make them larger? It's probably just a sugar pill anyways.