Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

Don't text me while I'm texting you, now I have to change my text.

FACEBOOK, SlutBook, meet just to FuckBook, tryin to be sneaky but then get caught UpBook, ShameBook, LameBook, using a fake NameBook, corny in the streets but on here you got GameBook, JokeBook, PokeBook, everybody's QuoteBook, in pictures you got money but in person you BrokeBook, SexBook, FlexBook, flirting with your ExBook, someone leaves a comment then you get a urgent TextBook, FightBook, TrifeBook, everybodys RightBook, someone needs to come out with a get a fucking LifeBook!

If Facebook ever shuts down. You'll see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in others faces screaming 'Do you like this!?!?!.. DO YOU!?!?!'

Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'

Face your problems don't Facebook your problems.

When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

'Are you as bored as I am?' Makes sense even when you read it backwards...

Deleting your Facebook is like running away from home. You're only doing it for attention and you'll be back in a day.

'Are you athletic?' Yes, I surf the Net.

This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket....so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass.

When I get introduced to someone I ask them 'Team Edward or Team Jacob?' It helps me separate the freaks & douches from the normal ones.

Mom: Your great aunt just passed away. LOL Me: Why is that funny? Mom: It's not funny David! What do you mean? Me: Mom lol means laughing out loud! Mom: Oh my goodness! I sent that to everyone I thought it meant lots of love. I have to call everyone back oh God.

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.

Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!!

Dear People of The World, I don't mean to sound slutty but use me whenever you want. Sincerely, Proper Grammar.

Facebook event invites from people you barely know should really have a 'seriously?' option in the reply.

Call of Duty: MW3 comes out midnight tonight. I wonder how many relationships are going to end this week.

A drunken man was dreaming that he died and reincarnated on earth as a chicken. He became heavy and tried to lay an egg! He pushed and pushed and laid the 1st egg, then the 2nd. He was pushing to lay a 3rd egg when his wife screamed ''James! You're shitting on the bed!"

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have one? Then it's probably you.

Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to "Go straight". haha

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

I don't get nervous if I'm surrounded by beautiful women. I know they're all too busy hating each other to notice me.

I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to "it's complicated".

I changed all my passwords to 'incorrect'. So my computer just tells me when I forget.

I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.

I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I Miss New York", so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

A man yells at his wife "pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery." "Oh wonderful!" she says, "should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" The husband replies, "I don't care. Just get out!"

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

Best way to get out of a text convo: "The message could not be delivered due to a temporary network setup error. Please try later. Error 2128-226110"

My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch."

Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.

I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED.

If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog shit in my yard.

I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends.

You can strip me of things I hold dear to me, you can turn ppl against me, and you can run your mouth but honey I will NEVER EVER EVER be as miserable as you!

'-' nope ._. um ._. not here '-' not there ._. what did I do with it '-' hm. That?s strange. Where did my give a fuck button go?!

how to end wars: Make the politicians who start them...be the first to go.

To the person who shall remain nameless, just because you don't have a life, stop trying to make others life's a whole lot worse, you're just an asshole!!!

She said lie to me! He said I love you!

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives and make us want to leave footprints on their faces!

Don't u just hate it when u do so much for everyone in your life but when it's your day nobody is there for you!!

I may be smiling but in my mind I've punched you 3 times,kicked you twice ,and jabbed you in the neck 5 times.SO WHAT NOW!

No..I'm not mad(loads gun)..I always walk around loading a shotgun(closes and pumps gun)..now turn around fuker and start runnin.

Kill them with Kindness... kill them with kindness... kill them with kindness... kill them with kind... KILL them ... KILL THEM!!

Strike me and I'll bruise, cut me and I'll bleed, curse me and I'll turn the other cheek, hurt my family and I'll get revenge...

Mess with me, and I can handle it. Mess with one of my kids, and I will kill you with my bare hands and feed you to my dogs. Want to find out?

I have a temper so don't let my pretty face fool you!

I don't ignore you out of spite, I do it so I wont act on my urge to bring myself down to your level and fight with you about dumb shit.

If you don't like me for me that's your problem,if you don't like how I look not my problem,don't like my opinions not my problem.I AM ME & I LOVE WHO I AM. :)

When I'm upset, I just need that little bit of time to feel sorry for myself. Don't judge me. You can't feel good, if you don't know how to feel bad.

OK, lets see if I can get through a shift at work, without wanting to smash somebodys face in!

when life throws you stones.. pick them up n launch them at the bastards who make things difficult!

Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face!

I may be a Bitch.... but you have a little penis.... Have a great day.

I respect you so much I salute you with 1 finger.

Knowing you are being lied to is worse than being hurt by the truth... because some truths only make you angry while being lied to destroys your trust.

For every minute you are angry..... you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

If you kick a stone in anger......you'll hurt your own foot.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

Keep your friends close and your enemies just as close.... sometimes it is hard to tell them apart.

When did you decide you are better than anyone else. Last I checked... you were just as fucked up as the rest of us.

I want to say to some people...Shit is supposed to come from your ass not your mouth. Although looking at you there is no difference.

Is thinking we used to be best friends but then u changed and became a bitch I do have other friends and u accusing me of leaving u out aint fair.... grow up.

Just get out of my life I do not need you anymore and plus you are annoying me to death.

Just as you take pleasure in being an asshole.... I will take pride in being the person behind your downfall?.. If being ignorant was a disease then people would be dropping dead all over the fucking place.

Keep giving me those dirty look and I will make your fuckin face stick like that Mk.... thanks

You are my brother and I love you but you are a great big bag of dicks.

Yeah I am a sarcastic... insulting...opinionated bitch but that?s who I am and if you don?t like it then piss off.

Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness.... and concealed often hardens into revenge.

Malice drinks one half of its own poison.

I do not discriminate at all... but there is a time to hate every motherfu..ker that is in your way. When that time comes...... bitch you better be on my good side.

The daily word for today is..FOCUS.....Fuck Off Cuz You are Stupid.... FOCUS...FOCUS...FOCUS everyone.

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.

The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough.

If you're angry at a loved one..... hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug....which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you.... and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other.

I am smarter than you think I am... but you are as dumb as I knew you were.

Never write a letter while you are angry.

One thing that gets me angrier than anything is hearing.....I was afraid if I told you the truth... you would be mad.

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

They always say if you cant say anything nice then dont say it at all? but when people make me mad im gonna say somethin and it aint gonna be nice.

Lord.... Please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it Strong lord.... so that they might learn a hoes place.

Do not teach your children never to be angry.... teach them how to be angry.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

In love one and one are one.

Anger is one letter short of danger.

why do men always have to be with more than one girl.... why can not they be with just one... stupid dickheads... men all the same.

I have multiple personalities and today?. the bitch has decided to play.

Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger.

Wishes you would stop being a selfish egotistical prick and realize maybe this once.. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else..... you are the one who gets burned.

Always write angry letters to your enemies. Never mail them.

Go ahead and think calling me a bitch insults me I will just thank you for noticing.

I wish some people had constipation of the mouth.... then maybe the shit they talk would stop.

One thing that gets me angrier than anything is hearing ?? I was afraid if I told you the truth?. You'd be mad.

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.

Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love.

Resentment is an extremely bitter diet.... and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins.

Anger is a killing thing... it kills the man who angers... for each rage leaves him less than he had been before ... it takes something from him.

Get angry..... get furious but never crumble to resentment.

While I know some people enjoy a bowl of bitch flakes in the morning.... I think its time some go on a diet from them.

I wish some people had constipation of the mouth... then maybe the shit they talk would stop.

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

If a small thing has the power to make you angry....does that not indicate something about your size.

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.

I learned long ago to never trust anybody because I'd eventually get betrayed... Now I ask myself why I allowed myself to trust you...

Life is too short to hold a grudge....also too long.

Where there is anger.... there is always pain underneath.

wonders why Facebook has a "like" button but no "f*ck off" button.

Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry..... but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

The worst tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.

Hurt me with truths but never comfort me with lies.

When you think people change... think again?it is not that THEY have changed...it is that YOU have changed and finally realized who THEY really are?

Just get out of my life I don't need you anymore and plus you are annoying me to death.

Anger is a bad counselor.

Never strike your wife... even with a flower.

Two things a man should never be angry at...What he can help... and what he cannot help.

I would really appreciate it if you would stop acting like you give a damn to make yourself look good. we both know you don't.

It's tough when the people you care about the most are the ones who make you feel the worst

Knows a certain someone that can go fornicate themselves with an iron stick wrapped in rusted barbed wire.

Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.

When a man sends you an impudent letter.... sit right down and give it back to him with interest ten times compounded.... and then throw both letters in the wastebasket.

One person can only take so much stress and anger build up until they reach their breaking point and snap. Today I reached my breaking point.

Anger is a killing thing.... it kills the man who angers for each rage leaves him less than he had been before it takes something from him.