Month: December 2007

What exactly is it with men and Hello Kitty tattoos these days? It is certainly not a good sign in Hello Kitty Hell when more and more are showing up in my mailbox such as this one:

We have yet another person getting a Hello Kitty tattoo who doesn’t know the difference between Hello Kitty and her sister Mimmy (it really is a toss-up of which is more disturbing — me knowing the difference between the two or some person getting permanently marked with the wrong character). Unfortunately, being backward stopped there. It would have been much better if Hello Kitty was actually being placed into the coffin instead of coming out of it (you know it’s simply a matter of time before we see a Hello Kitty coffin from Sanrio) with devil’s forked tail and horns instead of angel wings.

Of course, all these guys getting Hello Kitty tattoos simply gives my wife more ammunition to throw at me when I say that it just completely wrong for a guy to have a Hello Kitty tattoo (which, I feel is being quite generous since we all know that it’s completely wrong for anyone to have anything Hello Kitty, but that would inevitably lead to a night on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag).

Which brings us to what makes living in Hello Kitty Hell so bad. Anyone that looked at Hello Kitty clothes for men would know instantly that these were wrong, but when you start comparing them to being forced to get a Hello Kitty tattoo, all of a sudden, for a brief moment, you think that maybe Hello Kitty clothes for men aren’t so bad after all. Then again, you realize that being impaled with a whaling harpoon also doesn’t seem quite as bad as either and it helps bring things back into perspective…

Sent in by Georga (via Mr. Happy) who should have to spend all her days with this guy for the mere thought that it would be a good idea to send me this photo…

Stop! Take your hand off the mouse and don’t even think of clicking the “send” on the email to let me know about Hello Kitty for Men – yes, I’m fully aware that they exist, and (unfortunately) I have been for a few months now:

While the entire concept of Hello Kitty for men is disturbing, the emails themselves have been just as disturbing. First and foremost, there is something seriously wrong when I log into my email account and have 62 emails informing me about this news. This not to mention the people who have left the link in various threads on the blog.

Think about this for a minute — 62 readers read about something Hello Kitty and for some inexplicable reason thought it would be a good idea to send me an email about it. That in itself shows the Hello Kitty Hell I live in…

I have grown to expect emails from clueless Hello Kitty fanatics that somehow think that, despite the name of my blog and what I write about the evil feline, that I get excited about stuff like this. They have distorted their world view so much that they believe that I would feel the Hello Kitty for Men concept is a good thing:

“Have you heard?? Sanrio is going to be debuting a line of HK products for men! Isn’t that awesome!?”

“Hello Kitty was made for men. I’m buying these for all the guys I know. Your wife will be too!”

While it’s disturbing that anyone would view this as a good thing, these are typical emails that one expects when living in Hello Kitty Hell. What was surprising this time around was the glee that seemed to accompany many of the emails of what this would mean for me. While many began with sympathy for my Hello Kitty Hell, they eventually showed their true colors of being enthusiastic about the further pain and suffering this was bound to cause.

“Dude, guess your life sucks more. Can’t wait to see photos.”

“I know you hate Hello Kitty, but your wife is going to love these and torture you more with them.”

“These are the ugliest things ever, but get used to it because it’s going to be your new wardrobe.”

“Welcome to your doom.”

I’m not sure if it is a good psychological sign that in addition to the Hello Kitty fanatics who seem unfathomably compelled to read this blog, there are also a good number of readers who get a sense of satisfaction and happiness from my Hello Kitty Hell. Or as one reader aptly wrote about Hello Kitty for men:

“Sure, my life sucks. But not as much as yours.”

Yep, that pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell…

PS – in the time it took me to write this post, 3 more emails informing me about this news arrived in my account…

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

Because if there is one thing that Hello Kitty can never have enough of, especially with her philosophy of love and friendship, it’s military style weapons:

Once again, we see Hello Kitty showing her true colors and what her true heart is all about. You know that there’s something seriously wrong when Hello Kitty has enough Hello Kitty firepower to arm a small army although an army of soldiers carry Hello Kitty weapons dressed in pink camouflage would pretty much be the scariest thing ever and would make most enemies surrender in an instant. Either that or they would die in fear (or simply take their own life to avoid the pain) with the thought of having to be ruled by a Sanrio army. The fact is, living in Hello Kitty Hell, I wouldn’t blame them in the least bit…

Left by David in the comments (via riflegear) who really should have to use that thing around all his buddies for the rest of his life for even thinking it would be a good idea to create something like that, let alone leave a link of where to find it for me…

While everything Hello Kitty freaks me out, there are definitely some Hello Kitty items that freak me out more than others. It’s stuff like this that is definitely on the high end of freaking me out list – Hello Kitty contacts:

While it is fairly obvious that Sanrio has figured out a way to possess Hello Kitty fanatics, these contacts give that possession much too much reality. Seriously, this is something right out of a horror movie. Of course, my wife thinks they are “the cutest thing ever” and wants a pair.

I already have an image of me happily dreaming away about life free of the evil feline when my wife comes to wake me up, I sleepily open my eyes and I instantly have the &*&%$#@@ hell scared out of me — and this happened each and every morning for the rest of my life. And that is just the first moment of the day which would pretty much guarantee that Hello Kitty Hell moves to yet another unthinkable level…

Sent in by Ali who really should be punished in unthinkable ways for even considering for a split second that sending me this photo would be a good idea.

If people insist on sending me Hello Kitty related emails, fan art is preferable over Hello Kitty items that are just bound to make my life more of a living (Hello Kitty) hell once my wife sees them. Here is the latest piece of fan art sent in:

It came with the following message:

Alright, I drew this to make your holidays a little better, and less Hello Kittyish. This was drawn using a Hello Kitty picture to make the ultimate anti-Hello Kitty weapon.

It even comes with a small story about how Sanrio attempted to make a living with Hello Kitty and accidentally made Goodbye Kitty, who thus began her quest to destroy all links between her, Hello Kitty, and Sanrio. Goodbye Kitty, fighting Hello Kitty since 2007

It would be nice to think that there was an anti-Hello Kitty roaming the earth trying to wipe out all things Hello Kitty but I, unfortunately, see no evidence of it. Still, I can keep dreaming, right…

Sent in by Alenderis, who now only needs to make his creation as popular as the evil feline for me to have his undying gratitude…

I should have known that it was going to get worse (this is, after all, Hello Kitty Hell where things always get worse no matter how bad they may seem). Thus we move from the Hello Kitty pink Christmas tree to the Hello Kitty Plush Christmas tree:

Of course, my wife loves both and is talking about combining the two together (Pepto Bismol pink with lots of Hello Kitty plush and Hello Kitty ornaments — and people wonder why the holidays is the time when people kill themselves…) which would take the entire Hello Kitty Christmas tree to even new Hello Kitty Hell depths…

Sent in by cutesy (via likerogermoore) who should have to live with a tree like that for the entire year (and definitely get a new user name) for even thinking for a second it was a good idea to send that photo to me…

The fact that Sanrio makes a Hello Kitty douche pretty much assured that a Hello Kitty deodorant existed and now, of course, my wife is looking for it.

There are a couple of classic signs that it is Hello Kitty. It’s marked “limited edition” at the top – who else besides Sanrio would come up with the idea of limited edition deodorant? You know that limited edition deodorant would never fly with any other brand in the world and you also know that the Hello Kitty fanatics are drooling all over themselves wanting it. Then there is the description that the spray is “air petals” – which is so classic Hello Kitty sweetness that it makes my stomach churn, a chill go up my spine and makes me want to vomit.

You would think that there would be a law against this, especially during the holidays. I mean, seriously, how could anyone really view this as a good idea? (then again, I guess you could make that argument with virtually any Hello Kitty product…)

There is nothing that says Christmas spirit like a tree covered in Pepto Bismol with the evil feline on top. Of course, my wife wants one, but thinks that the ornaments should be Hello Kitty too (see, it can get worse than this photo) If we end up getting one, I’ll have to down as much Pepto Bismol as is covering the tree to keep from getting sick — yeah, I know, it still won’t work, but I have to deceive myself that there is a possibility of hope while living in Hello Kitty Hell during the holidays…

Sent in by kris (via lilitu93) who really should have to dress up like the tree for the remainder of winter for even having the thought that sending this to me would ever be a good idea…

You know it’s going to be another Hello Kitty Hellish day when an email with photos like this arrives – the Hello Kitty lantern festival:

The second my wife saw these photos, she wanted to go. My mentioning that since the photos were posted online, it probably meant that the festival was already over (hoping beyond hope that this would somehow end the subject) didn’t dissuade her in the least bit (nothing dissuades a Hello Kitty fanatic once the Hello Kitty virus has entered their brain).

The unfortunate state of reality is that Hello Kitty is succeeding in taking over the world and it probably won’t be impossible to find another Hello Kitty lantern festival (just realizing this already has me more than a bit queasy). So I get to look forward to searching for Hello Kitty lantern festivals as part of my winter holiday. That certainly seems to perfectly sum up Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by kittysweet (via vkeong.com) who should suffer unspeakable torture for not only for thinking sending this to me was a good idea in any way, shape or form, but also for having a username that should definitely not be visiting this blog making it all the worse.

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

Yes, we already know that Hello Kitty has a things for guns including AK47s and Armoured Personnel Carriers so it’s really no surprise that she would come out with another assault rifle:

On the surface, a Hello Kitty gun just seems wrong (but then again, anything Hello Kitty could fit that description). But with a little more thought, one could argue there is something quite appropriate about the character that is all about “love and sweetness” displaying her true colors and what she is really all about (death and misery for all those Hello Kitty fanatics that needed a hint). I guess in the end, it really doesn’t matter because either way, it’s still misery in Hello Kitty Hell..

Sent in by far too many people who obviously have way too much time on their hands if they could ever even think that sending me this photo was a good use of their time…