Yep I am doing it again, which kind of makes me feel like a fool, you know: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Well at least one thing I’ve been doing differently is being dropped back home by the end of the night…wait is that even a good thing? , Being dropped off at home at the end of the evening? It’s a good thing right? …..Right?
In my perilous search for Mr. Right, I thought I found him yet again, yet again, A tall good looking Zulu guy’s guy and thought hey, let me make the first move and send a sexy text after a night of flirting and hugging and in all honestly I thought I had it in the bag (delusional)
It took him an entire week to respond to my text and all I got was a
“sorry I was busy and I don’t know hey”
So I figure ‘I don’t know’ is the new ‘letting you down easy’?
I felt like an utter complete fool yet again , my lousy luck and timing got the better of me again and with my luck, yep my rotten luck in men, he will be Creme dela Creme of Louis Trichardt Plonkers. Oh gosh please do not give me a Plonker ( Wishful Thinking)

Ok so I’m not really a white girl named Caroline, this is the tale of how I got dubbed the name “Hey Caroline”

I have been told countless of times that I speak like a white girl like, whatever that means, because I use phrases like “Omg! I am so lime green Jell-O”, “Like whatever guy” words like totes, TTFN, Like and my favourite word “Totally” a lot which is not how your average black South African male speaks I am also very articulate when it comes to English which is by the way me second language , back to Caroline

I was at an event with one of closest friends Katlego Nyoni and as usual I head to my favourite place THE BAR while he worked the crowd and secured us a couple of cute boys to chill with, had a few drinks and that’s when I go into full on Caroline mode speech pattern changes accent goes to somewhat of a bad blend of British and Australian yikes, body language morphs from ridged to more flirty at that moment one would swear that I am Transformer.

Transformers robots in disguise

As the evening went on Katlego and I decide to do our dance routine yep we have our own little cheerleader meets Britney Spears, meet Christina Aguilera meets The Pussycat Dolls meets Burlesque sexy cute dance going on, mind u this is at a hip-hop event and here are these two little Fairies dancing and prancing around like Princess Holly and Princess Molly on the empty dancefloor, the boy we were with stood up and cheered us on as the rest of crowed stared in awe.

“come on over, come on over babe”-Christina Aguilera

We went back to our table giggling like two little school girls, one of the guys said “you guys are like two crazy white chicks” Katlego and looked at each other as if to confirm what he had said and we laughed, we continued with conversation with the boys who looked better and better after each bottle we downed , that very same guy said again “ you two are like white girls”, “ but him” pointing to me “ Is way worse” , “ he is a Caroline, the things he says and the way he speak it’s like a white girl in a black man’s body” Kat looked and me and giggles and confirms what he just said , as the evening went on everyone at the table started referring to me as White Girl Caroline, which led to them introducing me to everyone else as Caroline, by the end of the night everyone there was on some “hey Caroline “ it was time to leave so I managed to sneak a snog with one of the boys and we headed back home.

Since then I’ve grown quite fond of the name, I still do at times refer to myself as Caroline even posted a status on Facebook about being Caroline , and the name has caught on. I’ll get that “Hey Caroline “every now and then on social media.

A few months later we bump into the exact same guys and guess what they said “Hey Caroline”

You get those moment when your straight male friends realise that you are actually more masculine then they are and your an actual baddass :I can see the comic book title “The Chronicles of Gaylantia – When Mr Princess becomes The Terminator”, when you pull that epic transformation from Hannah Montana to Xena.

like what bitches I got this !!!

A while ago, I went camping with a few friends, we decided to leave all the modern world luxuries behind and you know “Experience The Wilderness”

I grew up on a farm, spent most of my early and teen years learning how to make a fire, which wood works best for which situation, how to hunt and flay small prey, which herb does what, how to set up a tent and what to carry when you go out, Yep my Stepdad was one of those extreme survival freak.

Upon arriving at the camp site
we have to set up our tents (Mind you I was the only one there who actually knew how to set up a tent) , The most muscular of the guys volunteers to show us how it actually done….. (you know that face straight guys pull when they realise that its not as easy as they thought it would be), and he lets out that classic line “ah, this sh*t is broken, it does not work!”, In steps in “My gay buddy” as they often refer to me as, I pulled the doohicky yanked the thingamajig and stepped on the whatchamacallit and hey presto the tent was up, to his dismay his fellow compadare laughed at him a “Yeah its broken” broke out of the laughter and they laughed harder one of the guys even fell to the ground laughing, I felt so bad i comforted him with a ” I just read the instructions” …..not.

Soon we had settled and it was getting dark, and one of the girls asked “who brought the fire stuff?”, her boyfriend jumped up and proclaimed that he did and that he could start a fire, well he tried to light the fire, emphasis on ‘tried’, soon enough the entire squad joined in but to no avail. As if mr muscle knew, he turned and looked at me “Eh, do you know how to do this?”, and I sprung into action, piled up the wood camp fire style, gave the matches a quick strike and what do you know we had fire, typical boy stared at me as the girls cheered on.

The weekend was epic we had so much fun because I packed in the electric extension cable, the wind up lamp, a pocket knife , rope and a solar mobile power back, I swear the boys have never shown me such respect , like ever.

On our way back we had a flat tyre, lmfao none of the guys knew how to change a flat tyre, fortunately I was there, jacked up the car and with a quick spin here and there the tyre was changed, and I won playlist rites and yes they listened to Rihanna and Lady Gaga for the entire trip back, much to the girls pleasure and delight.

gaga ra-ma-ma

We finally got home yeay!! and as I step out of the car, one of the guy grabs my bum gives it a squeeze and yells out ” You sexy thang!” and grabs his penis and goes ” oh baby, baby baby come get it” (my male friends are extremely sexually indecent with me, if its not dry humping me on the dance floor its them dropping their towels and waving their penisis in my face typical guy shenanigans) They all laughed as they drove off, and I was like well there goes all the respect they gave me, at least they know to mess with CAPTAIN MR SUPER GAY

The quaint little town of Louis Trichardt is set in a back drop of some of the most majestic mountain ranges, and with such beauty one might expect to find love or something like that, I have always wanted to use that line ever since I saw that cheesy 90’s movie Empire Records, which by the way is one of my all time favourite movies.

Okay back to the small town and dating shenanigans.

I’ve been on multiple dating sites trying to find Mr Right, been on a few dates and it’s always the same routine beers, sex ,regret and the walk of shame in the wee hours of the morning; wait 6:00 am is still considered as early right, right? (sigh).

At some point I even thought I met the right guy, you know the smart, good-looking, stylish,well-mannered and oh my gosh did he not smell amazing like I wanna marry you amazing but……… there always is a but………he was MARRIED with two kids. He was the perfect gentleman and always came to my aid if ever I needed anything, but I could not compete with the biological urge to procreate; In his words “If I could I’d knock you up and give you beautiful babies” and that is when I ran for the hills (I’m not ready to be or play mommy).

Then there was Thugnificent, the local infamous Bad Boy lets say that ended in a drunken haze, that and being chased by his drag queen like girlfriend (I’m talking about RuPaul Drag Race Queen) with a broken bottle screaming “I will cut that pretty face of your” ( I am never returning to that pub ever again).

Then there was the Church Boy oh my that pretty, pretty church boy, well that ended in the most awkward way, I was dumped via a Whats App text message reading

” you are the most nicest, caring person
I have ever met but I cant do this anymore
It is against my beliefs and i feel guilty “

The Nerve!
For once I was gutted but i moved on and still moving on.

I wonder what kind of crazy character I ‘ll meet next ? and with my luck, yep my rotten luck in men, he will be Creme dela Creme of Louis Trichardt Plonkers.

When most people call Louis Trichardt they think of a small town in Limpopo South Africa, OK it not your Jozi nor your Cape Town and it’s definitely not your New York, Regardless there are quite a number of stylish people, places and surprisingly stunning locations.​
​

Starting with local designer Poppy Mudau brand owner of the local fashion house DesignsSA.

Poppy is known for her versitile fashion sence and extensive style, which she pours into her fashion line.​​

So lately I’ve been writing about my failed attempts at find love and all my epi fails
enters Marq yep Marq with a Q, I know it sounds so sexy let me say it again Marq with a Q.

(Back story….my favorite time)

Marq and I met on Instagram around three years ago… sound like an intro to MTV’s Catfish, lol I love the show, ok let’s go on, he slid a message into my DM some cheesy line, I forgot what is was but it was gorgonzola cheesy, within a few days we exchanged numbers and started texting and calling each other, for some strange reason we had a fall and stopped communicating (Totally Catfish).

Marq and I always seem to gravitate towards each other, he responds to my texts within seconds and always knows how to cheer me up or calm me down and we can spend hours on the phone talking about well everything, he is not the sharpest tool in the box but I find that really cute and adorable you know explaining sarcasm and how he always complains about me using big words …..so cute.

But there is always a BUTMarq is seeing someone else, but has hinted on more than one occasion that he would like to take things further with me buuuut he is not willing or about to leave the person he is with for me . soo I’m super skeptical about that, so for now I like what we have this cute flirty, texty, cally thing we have going on so until he decides to leave his girlfriend it will remain as that …..Marq with a Q

A few days ago I went on a date ….Yeay… A date with an actual person, like an actual person actually finds me interesting.

He is a Horticulturist and I’m a huge fan of Botany especially flowering poisonous plants and carnivorous plants (lol call me Poison Ivy)

Our whole discussion was on the different types of natural toxins such tetrodotoxin, Batrachotoxin (BTX) and Botulinum toxin which are by far some of the deadliest toxins found in some of the most beautiful plants and creatures Like my favourite The Deadly Night Shade

.
(Back to the date)

So this is how it went down ……. We have been texting on social media for a while and decided hey what the heck lets meet up for lunch (lunch for me was a free beer and well more free beer and picking food off his plate like I have the worst date manners)
He came there looking all semi-formal and dapper he was not the most handsome of men but he had this smile that took you away , and there I was with my oversized baggy T-shirt, torn jeans and dirty sneakers I even forgot that I had a date like really it has been that dry. He introduced himself as, let us call him Mr. Freeze …..Get it ….Mr. Freeze …Batman and Robin …..Uma Thurman. Ok, ok back to the date

He was such a gentlemen and complimented me on my clothes oh such flattery normally I get a You could have dressed better or an oh you look nice, but he went all out showered me with lovely compliments had me blushing and smile from ear to ear no one has ever made me smile that much, I felt like a little school girl on her first date .

He found me interesting, like he found it really interesting that I knew so much about plants and herbs and ecotoxicology, he even gave me ring after the date to tell me what a great time he had and that I was by far the most peculiar and fun person he had ever met, even asked when will he see me again (oh my bad date manners , he ordered a pizza so yeah he didn’t mind me picking of his plate and to make things even better he is a beer guy like same brand and all) so who knows soon there might a Return of Batman and Robin Movie ….get it ….Poison Ivy and Mr Freeze…

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