Ladies and Gentlemen, the next President of the USA: this dickhole.

Submitted by I found this on Facebook w00t

It's election season 2012 and the Republican Party is mad as hell and they aren't going to take it anymore!

Of course, it's no surprise to anyone that their anger started roughly around the time weelected a black dudeer, I mean,started having our right to work for 30 cents a day in the coal mines eroded by Unions and our economy ruined by NPR and Planned ParenthoodER I MEAN DIDNT VOTE FOR AN OLD ASS NAM VET AND HIS CLINICALLY RETARDED RUNNING MATEyeah, y'know what, let's go with "elected a black dude". I think that basically covers it.

Kid Tested, Gipper Approved! (it was very personally satisfying to make this picture of Saint Ronald aligned left)Their response, however, has been nothing short of comedy uranium and consists almost exclusively of trying to prove to each other that they're the Tea Baggin'-est Teapublican that ever Ronal'd a Reagan. It's basically like an IRL version of that Monty Python sketch wherein the Pythons play a bunch of older gentlemen who sit around and try to one up each other on how rough their childhood was which ultimately culminates in Eric Idle saying he had to get up 3 hours before he went to bed, work 27 hour days and come home to be murdered by his father every night. If you insert a few more references to "ABORTION ON DEMAND", "UNION JACKBOOT THUGS" and "HOMOSEXUALS SHOVING THEIR STIFF, THROBBING AGENDAS DOWN OUR THROATS", you pretty much have the Tea Party in a nutshell; emphasis on "nut".

Oh, and instead of "white people being intentionally funny" as is the case with Monty Python, this is "white people being unintentionally funny. Also fat; poor; stupid".

This being America and all, polls show that the whiter someone is and the stupider the shit they say is, the more the shallow end of the gene pool will happily lap up their talking points like a retarded Weimaraner eating its own shit. See also: Newt fucking Gingrich and Rick doublefucking Santorum both being considered viable, electable frontrunners at varying points despite possibly being the two worst human beings ever shat out of a vagina (objectively speaking, of course), simply because they spent months trying to out-scream each other aboutblack peoplewelfare recipients,women who don't want to carry their rapist's baby to termmoral decay as well as black people and women who don't want to carry their rapist's baby to term (without dog whistles this time).

No, not THAT position.Though, I must admit that it was refreshing - in the face of a sluggish economy, Europe teetering on the brink of a meltdown, domestic strife at home and abroad and2345WHO EVEN FUCKING KNOWS how many "unofficial" wars we're involved in - to finally have a presidential contender with an official position on anal sex (see photo at left for punchline).

If we follow this trajectory to its logical conclusion, the premier GOP candidate would be a mustachioed, out-n'-proud racist-sexist-homophobe who looked like someone poured lumpy mashed potatoes into a cheap suit. To that end, I submit to the Midnight Society one Mr. Grady Warren. And if what I said holds true about people loving white people that say stupid, repugnant shit, say hello to the future God-Emperor of the Americas.

Grady's platform is nothing short of revolutionary, by which I mean "nothing short of something he heard on Limbaugh with the stupidometer dial cranked up to 11 from its previous position of 10.9". Let's take a look at his honest-to-God platform:

Murder or deport every Muslim ever because, among other reasons, they hate gay people and women.

Oops, wait, I mean fuck gay people and women. Fuck them to HELL. Also fuck "nigras" (he uses this charming term multiple times in another video). Basically, if you aren't a fat, white, red-faced, mustachioed southern male, you can eat a bag of fuck.

Anti-"big government". Get rid of the Department of Education, the EPA, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, etc. etc. etc. "Government has clearly overstepped its boundaries!", opines Grady.

Obligatory Sheriff Joe Arpaio cabinet position because his preferable Joe - Joe Goebbels - is disqualified only by virtue of being dead.

A fucking WALL across fucking MEXICO. Complete with armed National Guard, no doubt ready to "blow some beaner brains out" if one of those "brown parasite cocksuckers" approaches the border (presumably to ask "Why the fuck are you retards building a fucking wall? Are you fucking STUPID?!").

Proving even a broken clock is right at least twi.... okay, actually this is his only reasonably sane point: end the War on Drugs....

...so that he can start a War on Islam. Woopsie! Never mind the last bullet point! But rest assured, just like the War on Terror succeeded in completely destroying the concept of terror (I don't even know what the word means anymore and I can't even find it in the dictionary to see!), Grady will not rest until Islam ceases to exist as a word.

Murder George Soros to death for the egregious crime of being A Liberal With Money.

And much, much more!

Yes, let's elect an old, white dude with terrible ideas. What a revolutionary idea!He ends his spiel by addressing his critics. All "ANYONE WITH TWO BRAINCELLS TO RUB TOGETHER" of them. Apparently, if we were silly enough to think that Grady Warren isn't intelligent enough, experienced enough or was otherwise completely and utterly unfit to run a lemonade stand let alone the US of fucking A, he reminds us that he's learned from the greats: a bunch of corny ass conservative talk radio hosts whose talking points he has shamelessly ripped off (only COMMIES and ISLAMISTS figure things out for themselves. REAL AMURKINS like Grady have to be spoon-fed their opinions like the infants they are). Also, he's "in the top 10%" at Rush Limbaugh's pretend online university (Cool New Joke: "Republicans hate education so much, they can't even score higher than a B at fake schools that exist solely to confirm their preexisting opinions!")

You'll be completely unsurprised to learn that he elsewhere rails against Obama, the current President of the United States, for being inexperienced.

I for one welcome our new Retarded Wilford Brimley Overlords. All hail his Eternal Majesty, Lord Diabetus I.

Critics Corner

"This guy HAS to be a plant to make teabaggers look dumber than we know them to be."

-dethengine

"HURR DURR"

-Bolt892

"Subscribing to this channel. It FEEDS my ego to know that there are people this dumb."

About This Column

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