Tag: Universe

The streets are eerily quiet. A dog was barking… but then it stopped. It must have observed what everyone out there is looking at tonight.

The MOON.

Tonight is a special event on the Astronomy calendar. A trifecta, lucky 3, three amigos if you will, of the star world are appearing tonight… because we are lucky enough to be witnessing, the Super Blue Blood Moon.

I wish I knew more about astronomy for moments like this. I planned to anyway, when I bought a little star-gazing book over a year ago. However it sits on my shelf with a 1/4 of the other books still unread there. That’s ok. It’s time will come.

So if you are anywhere in Australia, you are at a spectacular vantage point for this – whereby we get a supermoon, a blue moon, and a total eclipse in one.

It is bigger, it is blue/red, and there are shadows – that is about the gist of it I get. Like I said, I haven’t read the star-gazing book yet. But at the beginning of the evening I started off the night looking through all the house windows trying to find the direction of the moon, until I found it looking down on me from a backyard window.

And so now? I find myself in front of this window, blinds up in the darkness, tapping away on my laptop, looking up occasionally to see the bright moon with slight shadows starting to move across it.

It really is magical.

Not the big part, or the blue part, or the shadow part. Yes it does look amazing and blindingly bright, but just the fact that I’m here, taking time out, and chilling behind the window of the yard that is filling with light, exposed to all the possums and cats and insects staring at me through it – that’s OKAY. It’s ok because I am looking up at the sky, at the stars, as are so many other people tonight, and I am reminded that there is a world out there, much bigger and brighter and more fantastical than I could ever imagine.

I then think of the constellations and the galaxy, and us humans in comparison… and we are all but a blimp on the radar, a tiny insignificance, a breath in time compared to what is out there in the great expanse of EVERYTHING.

And suddenly, that makes me all the more grateful for my time here on earth.

But you want a moon photo don’t you?

The progression from my fantastic mobile phone, in pictures:

I really do need to stare up into the sky more.

11:35pm Update: the shadow is almost fully across it! Observe on my fine camera phone photo…

Because you see, someone pulled me over this afternoon, and said with a broad wave of their hands “I’m pregnant!”

And I stared at her in shock and awe, and ultimate critique, trying to work out if what she was saying was actually true.

“Are you serious?” I squinted at her.

“Yes.”

“You’re not joking?” I asked solemnly.

“No.”

“You’re pregnant?” I was now incredulous.

“Yes.”

I gasped in disbelief and happiness, giving her a big hug and proceeding to say “oh my God,” and “you’ve blown me away” about 100 times through hurried, intense and excited conversation, for the next 10 minutes.

I was in absolute shock and wonder, the epitome of a babbling idiot as I wrangled with my thoughts amongst it all.

“OH MY GOD!”

Because this wasn’t only pregnancy news…

Not only was this friend, pregnant…

But she was a friend, who I didn’t think was trying to get pregnant.

Also, she was a friend, who was in a serious relationship, yet I hadn’t thought pregnancy was in the immediate future for them.

She was a friend, who was also, a work colleague.

And this work colleague, was in a relationship with a man that not many people knew about…

This work colleague and her partner had kept their relationship under wraps, especially at work…

Because her partner, worked with her. With us!

OH THE DRAMA!

I couldn’t take it!I was dying. Can you understand why I was dying?! I had already known about the relationship early on, as she has confided in me many things, just as I have to her over the years, and she was one of the first at work who I told that I was pregnant, all those years ago… and now, she was telling ME.

That she was pregnant. Oh my God.

I was over the moon for her. She deserved it.

No, really. She deserved it.

She really, truly deserved this amazing blessing, because in recent years she had had a few very hard spells.

I had felt for her on so many an occasion, but didn’t know how to help. All I could do, was listen, and try to lend some advice.

And as all good friends do, bitch and whinge and moan with her.

My faith in Karma and life, is further cemented by this news. I don’t know why bad things happen. I don’t know why there are bullies, and aggressors; subsequently I don’t know why there are people who are harassed and victimised. And I certainly don’t understand how when someone turns to you for help, you can turn to the side of evil, and ignore their plea, instead going with the majority, with the laugher, with the mockers and the sheep and the boring old FLOCK.

But this news today… it is a LONG time coming.

My work colleague has been through so much. And this news is just proof to me, that eventually, your deeds catch up to you, whether they be good, or bad.

Her good deeds have paid her dividends. She got herself the guy, and now she got herself a baby 🙂

And for the ‘others?’ There is no greater revenge than success and achievement.

Did she go out to seek retribution, no. But the beautiful thing is, the Universe evened it ALL out for her.

Today was a great day, in that the shit we set out to do, well, we got done.

It’s always a successful feeling when you actually go to the shops to buy certain things, and then you actually follow through with said-purchases.

Today’s task, the niggly job of tying up loose ends before baby girl’s upcoming 4th birthday. It’s that crazy time of year where time is of the essence, it is party after party in our family, and maybe the pressure of very little time has spurred us into action and made the Universe take heed, and actually give us what we want on today’s shopping trip.

One of the best and most important purchases, was a white airy-fairy-hippie dress, that only needs some flowers in baby girl’s hair to make her special birthday outfit complete.

I only put in the late application last night. It had been the first kinder we had visited at our Sea change destination, yet it had made an impact on us – the teachers were warm and friendly, the room was filled with kid-fuelled, inventive and funny nik-naks, and I immediately felt like baby girl would love it there.

However, I felt the need to research some more – surely the first kinder we visited wouldn’t be the right one straight off the bat, could it? I had to be sure.

A few drive-by inspections, and another kinder visit yesterday, told me that often you don’t need to do any further research. Sometimes you should just go with your gut, regardless of what else is out there. We spoke to a lovely lady from another kinder who said that spots were tough to come by at this stage of the game, so I took her kindly advice and applied for the first kinder we had seen.

A phone call this afternoon: baby girl was offered a spot. I happily accepted, then got off the phone to jump up and down with baby girl telling her she was going to be painting to her hearts content next year. Her cheeks were rosy and bright, from being outside all day – in my parents yard, and at the park I had frequented so much as a child. The thought of painting endlessly thrilled her.

Later during her nap, as I was being appreciative of how easy it had been in the kindergarten application process, a song came into my head. As I hung her clothes to dry on the inside clothes rack, I smiled as the words filtered through:

Que Sera, Sera

Whatever will be, will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que Sera, Sera

I used to find a strong affinity with the song as a child. Dreaming, imagining, wondering what my future would hold. I would hum the words to myself as I played in the park, thinking deep thoughts that I’m not sure a normal 9 year old would think.

Who would I marry?

What would I become?

How would my children be like?

What would I do?

Being a naturally inquisitive person, the questions posed in the song (will I be famous, will I be rich, here’s what she said to me) reflected my own curiosities and doubts, fears and wonders over life and what would come in the future. But in the end, no matter how much I wanted to know, anything, the words of the song rang truer still:

The future’s not ours to see.

Funny how things work out? Today as I remembered the lyrics:

Now I have children of my own,

They ask their mother, what will they be?

As we are on the verge of so many life-changes, with moving house, moving lifestyle, and now our baby girl going to start kindergarten next year, I wonder what her questions will be? What will I tell her? Will I be honest, or will I put on my rose-coloured glasses and paint the world a vibrant rainbow?

I’ve always swayed heavily between two lines of thinking, two ways that are directly opposite one another and yet BOTH that I believe to be true.

There are things that are ‘meant to be’ in life

We control our actions and our futures

They are highly contradictory thoughts, and yet some things in our life I believe we can’t escape, yet simultaneously I believe we can do what we want to do…

I’ve always imagined having a beach house, but it was always just a silly fantasy, wishful thinking. I never really put any kind of plan or action into it, ’til the start of this year. And in very little time, we made a purchase, and are now moving.

So did we make that happen, or was that meant to happen?

All my beach house, silly references throughout life… was that me attracting the beach house to ourselves the whole time?

Or was that meant to be, and the Universe was throwing me snippets of our future forecast before it happened?

I still don’t know, and I don’t know what I’ll be telling baby girl in years to come. I think I’ll be realistic, yet I’ll inject a good dose of romanticism and wishful thinking, because you know, as I say to her:

Reach high for the stars, and follow your dreams. You can achieve whatever you wish for.

I honestly don’t think that that line of thinking could harm anyone.

…

I am grateful that so far, things are going smoothly, and this kindergarten process has gotten off without a hitch… almost like it was meant to be.

I surprisingly got some fabulous news today! I had started to believe I would never hear any news back from the insurance company, and if I did, I was sure it would be a bad result… and despite how frustrated and over it all that I was, I knew that if it came out against my favour, I would still try to contest it. It wouldn’t be fair, it wouldn’t be right. Anything other than ‘in my favour,’ was not moral.

What am I talking about you ask? Why, the incident that sparked my whole carcrashgratitude blog, that’s what! My car accident, from 3 and a bit months ago, that now feels like ages ago. If you are new or just need a refresher, my How this all started explains the shit-ass event that happened right after I got my new car.

Anyway. Hours after my Mum asked me earlier today “have you heard anything from the insurance company?” and I frustratingly replied back “no,” adding that she should probably not ask me again because the whole drama just puts me into that negative state of anger and sadness…. I noticed a missed call on my mobile. When I saw who had called, I was nervous. Did I really wanna call back and find out what they had to say? I was feeling spent already from today’s activities… did I want to argue with them that I was in the right, and not in the wrong?

To hell with it. I’d just get it over and done with.

I didn’t even set up baby girl with a DVD as I usually would making an important phone call. I immediately dialled the number provided, and after a little while of waiting, a lady answered.

I explained that I had a missed call from them, and provided her with my reference number for the claim. Baby girl had noticed the pen in my hands with the scrap piece of paper I had grabbed just in case I had to note anything important down. As the woman on the other side checked the notes to see why I had a missed call, baby girl climbed up onto my lap, grabbing the pen and starting to draw long lines.

“Oh!” I heard suddenly. “I can give you good news!”

Before I had a chance for my hopes to rise up too high, she confirmed with the following “We can pay you your excess back!”

“Oh, great!” My mind was whirling. We had paid the excess a while ago in order to fix the car as it had been gathering dust in the garage. It was insured, had registration, and we didn’t want to wait until the verdict was handed to get it fixed. Who knows how long that would have taken. We went ahead and had gotten the door replaced, and had been enjoying the car in the meantime, while we not so patienty waited, and waited, and waited.

And then waited.

And then waited some more.

(Insert more waiting).

Waiting.

More waiting.

And more.

Wait! More waiting.

Some more waiting to rub salt in the wound.

Might as well throw in some more waiting, waiting, waiting.

Wait. Wait.

Wait!

Waiting.

You get the drift.

She started talking about how I wanted the money, and in between all of this, and baby girl’s pen encroaching onto the tablecover underneath the scrap paper, I asked “sorry, can I just ask: does this mean the other driver has been found at fault? Am I getting the full excess? Because we haven’t received any other news regarding the accident other than this call…”

She checked a bit more, and sure thing, getting paid the excess meant that the other driver was being held responsible for the accident.

After all the official stuff was noted, I told her “Thank you, you’ve made my day.” (Note yesterday’s post). She went off to most likely get a mocha, and then I got off the phone to jump up and down excitedly with baby girl, doing high-five’s, and shouting “baby girl! It’s over!” We celebrated with chocolate, and then later, I made myself a coffee, which smelled so damn sweet.

I’m still in a state of disbelief. Is it over? I kind of expected an official phone call or letter from the insurance saying “we are sorry for our initial verdict. We are wrong; you were right. Here is $10,ooo in mental damages” or something along those lines. In lack of that, I’m still pinching myself. I am so grateful and appreciative that the Universe worked this one out. I was frustrated for the longest time, calling the insurance company repeatedly at one stage, to the broken record answer of “we’ve got it under control, you don’t have to call, we’ll call you.” Many times I questioned them: “if you can’t get in touch with the other driver, it comes to assume that he may be avoiding you, because he knows he’s guilty!”

I eventually let it all go, particularly when the car was repaired, and tried to forget. I would let them work it out. I would see what happened. And in the meantime, I would enjoy the car, and try to forget the horrible details of what had happened the first time I drove it.

I am grateful, that I trusted in myself. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, yet the words of the other couple haunted me, making me doubt my memories and point of view of the accident. But I scared those demons away, focused on the facts, and reminded myself that I was moral. I was honest and he was not. He was lying, and one way or another, he would not get away with it.

It’s been a hard slog, and a very trying, difficult one during those first few weeks. For some reason, the accident happened. Maybe it was to teach me a lesson. Maybe it was to teach the other driver a lesson.

Maybe it was to start this blog.

And now? I will still continue with this blog. This blog wasn’t ever meant to be a temporary event-based blog, only in existence while the ongoing saga of the car accident was in debate. No. I decided, based on that day, that I was going to look for gratitude in each and every day, to try my hardest to seek it out, no matter how hard, or boring, or sad, or frustrating the day was. I would do my damn best. And for as long as I can, I will continue to.

This will always remain, my carcrashgratitude. 106 days in, and the saga is over. (Woo hoo!) But the gratitude journal will continue on, continuing on…

Day off from the A-Z challenge, but still good ol’ regular day for this blog of gratitude.

There are many little things I always find to be grateful for each day, yet it is transferring that gratitude into a whole being, a single topic, an interesting event, or a significant moment that is worthy of writing about, that I find hard at times. Today is one such day.

I am grateful for getting ahead. There is nothing wholly of note that I can say ‘this happened, I’m rapt for it,’ or anything like that about this particular day… but what I can say is, we’ve been busy. On the surface, we’ve been lying low, going about our day-to-day business and paying the bills. On the inside though, we’ve been making plans. Big plans.

We’re planning a move, which isn’t anything extraordinary, other than to add that it is a significant move since we will be moving to the other side of the city and leaving all our family and friends behind. We’re still in the same state, but we will be further away.

We’re planning a seachange.

That’s the first time I’ve actually written it down, and the first time I’ve admitted it openly for people to hear about since talking to the lady at the information centre in the town of interest earlier today. We’ve been keeping it hush only because we want to be 100% sure about this move before making such a major announcement – not even our parents know, and we’re slightly apprehensive at the thought of breaking the news to them.

That’s what this post is about. We drove over today to do further research and gain more ideas to add to our collective whole of information, and despite both of us having a dull headache most of the day due to a late Saturday night, I’m actually feeling good. We’ve progressed. I think this is really starting to happen.

It’s that moment when you’ve embarked on something, and you start making plans and getting quite serious… and as you do so, the Universe responds with “ok, here you go. Some answers for you.”

That’s what today has been. It’s that space of nervous excitement, a really great place to be. The Universe has helped us move forward, and I’m ever so grateful to be inching closer to that dream.

Basically, I feel like a bit of an Erin Brockovich right now, fighting back against the odds, the big wigs, the final say, and someone on the other side has just said “you may just be right.”

The fight is not over. I’m so happy that I listened to that inner voice in me, the one that told me not to give up, the one that wasn’t content with just moving on and accepting I was in the wrong. Because I wasn’t in the wrong. I know that now more than ever.

It’s hard to stay true to yourself, and stick to your guns in the face of adversity, when people tell you that you’re not right. Your confidence is blown and you feel knocked off your perch, unable to clamber back on. I’ve been under the weather, and had all manner of distractions thrown at me, as if the Universe is testing me…

Well Universe? How did I perform this round?

Despite what happens in the end, I’m so glad I listened to that voice. My principles brought me here, and they will take me out.