Sheila Lirio Marcelo is the Founder, Chairman and CEO of Care.com. Care.com is the world’s largest online destination for finding and managing family care, helping families find babysitters, nannies, senior caregivers, pet sitters, housekeepers, and more!

Housekeeping & Home Care

January 13, 2015

Have you ever hit a breaking point? A time when you realize something in your life needs to change? Parenting expert Katie Bugbee recently hit one when her weekends were being filled with chores. Here's what she decided:

I’m annoyed.

The weekend is over and I barely spent time with my kids. Unless you count running errands together or the times when I’d look into their pleading eyes and say “I’ll be there in 5 minutes,” and then get caught up for another 50.

This isn’t the mom I want to be.

But how does anyone do it all? How do you wash and fold three loads of laundry, clean the house, take down the holiday stuff, store it, reorganize the attic so new things fit, stop to make meals, clean that up, grocery shop, prep for the week ahead AND play with your kids?

Not to mention that I’m exhausted. So when I finally DO have time, I’m playing My Little Pony and can barely keep my eyes open. Fluttershy is seriously slurring her words. And my daughter literally says “you don’t have any time for me.” It’s a knife to my heart.
My kids deserve better. I work all week -- why won’t I give myself a break on the weekends?

So I’m lying there on Sunday thinking: What is the price I would pay to be the mom I want to be?

Last winter my husband spent six hours in one day snow-blowing our ridiculously long driveway. I was pregnant and had two cooped up kids inside. And when he finally came in, exhausted, drenched with snow and sweat, reeking of gasoline, I told him I’d reached a tipping point – we were hiring a plow guy. We should be playing in the snow, not losing Dad all day to a shovel.

I made the decision for him -- yet I have a hard time doing this for myself. Why?

I’m not alone. A 2014 Care.com study revealed that 29% of working moms feel guilty hiring help. So they have the money, but they won’t allow themselves to spend it on hiring extra hands. It’s like we punish ourselves for not being supermom.

That’s exactly how we’re going to lose our $%&!

We’re not taking care of ourselves, Moms. We take too much on, have super high expectations for getting it all done, and miss out on the fun of our children’s childhood.

I say screw it. This isn’t right. My time with my kids is worth something. Get the groceries delivered for $5 extra. Hire a house cleaner for $75. Hand off a few projects to an organizer-type ($75 every season). This would be money very, very well spent. Would I feel it? Yes, but I’d also feel the freedom of being able to play and have uninterrupted time with my children.

I know what you’re thinking – I work at Care.com and I’m clearly plugging their services. You’re right. But I’m also a real mom of three small kids. And I know how painful it is to leave those beautiful faces every day – and then to be forced to miss them on the weekend too. I know how hard we are on ourselves, pushing ourselves to do more for the house, for our partners, our kids, our jobs, our parents, our friends. And then we come last. We invest so much in everyone else, and feel we don’t have a dime to spend on taking care of our needs. And then we miss out on the important stuff because we’re home taking care of other important stuff. Dance practice, a hockey game, lunch “dates” as a family. We tell ourselves there’ll be another time. But it doesn’t really come.

I know this. I live this.

There are workarounds. No, we can’t afford to outsource everything and some things we NEED to do with a personal touch. But we can take a few things off our plates. We can download apps that deliver groceries, we can ask a date night sitter to do the laundry, we can hire a house cleaner a few times a month (or year), we can ask a nanny to cook some meals – and when there’s a big project, we can pass it off to a handy pro who will do it in a quarter of the time it takes us. Just look at these specialized people who want to be your “personal assistant” – whatever that might mean!

One thing. Taking one thing off our plates – whether it’s laundry, errands, meals, cleaning, organizing, pet care – it would open up a lot of time. So let’s give ourselves permission to ask for help – and put the time back with our family.

What do you think? Have you hit a breaking point lately? What would you outsource first?

June 02, 2014

She may have been the smartest “Brady,” yet she wasn’t a Brady at all. She was the housekeeper. Actually, she was more than that. She was the glue that kept this classic American blended family together. She was the after-school sitter, the dog walker, the cook, the confidante, and the advisor. She was Alice. Officially, she was actor Ann B. Davis. But the mononym “Alice” will forever be heard as the epitome of a family caregiver.

Why? What made Alice so special?

TV maids have made us laugh for years. But it was Alice who nurtured us. Did we ever see her cleaning much? Not really. Yet she was always “there” for each child, for each parent, even for the dog….and probably a little for us viewers too. She made it okay in 1969 when your family care plan included someone other than Mom and Dad.

And there’s something more that Alice can still teach us. As the parenting expert at Care.com, I often give parents advice on hiring childcare, creating a good relationship with your nanny and other parenting and care-topics. I’ve never thought about the Alice/Brady relationship before, but it’s really the perfect example of a great family/ nanny dynamic.

Sure, Alice was the housekeeper. But she ran the Brady house like a live-in nanny would. And regardless of her title, she was the third parent in that household. It helped that Carol, Mike -- and the kids -- treated her with that type of respect. As viewers, we didn’t see them talk down to her or treat her as anything less than family.

This is what Alice can still teach us today. She loved those kids as if they were her own, and everyone treated her as if her last name was Brady. We all may know families who run because a crazy-organized nanny is behind the curtain, pulling all the levers to make the family look good. To make the parents look good. Losing Alice gives us the important reminder to thank all the caregivers in our lives, to treat them well, and to know they offer (and provide) a lot more than the tasks on our to-do lists.

May 26, 2014

I know I run a care-finding business, but it’s always nice to hear real stories about how a caregiver has helped families, whether for date nights, working moms or SAHMs who deserve a break. Shadra Bruce is the owner of MomsGetReal.com and author of “Stories from a Stepmom.” Here, she discusses going from family childcare to a hired babysitter -- and how it helped her marriage.

I’ve always wanted to be a great mom, but do you know what happens when you stop prioritizing yourself, your marriage, and your need for time away? You become a frantic, stressed out, scary mom.

And that’s not the mom anyone wants to be.

When I started dating my husband, he had three kids and a very trusted babysitter whom he’d hire weekly so that we’d have time away. And by the time we married and had more kids, my stepdaughter was old enough to babysit and was so wonderful with her little brother and sister that we never dreamed of leaving them with anyone else.

And then she left for college.

We no longer had a babysitter or anyone with whom we could trust with our kids.

I was not a bad mom, but I felt like one because I did more yelling and had less patience.

I was not a bad mom, but I felt like one because I felt frazzled all the time. I was not a bad mom, but I felt like one because I felt stifled and unable to have any private moments with my husband.

But really, I was being a bad mom because I wasn’t prioritizing myself -- and my needs to be something more than Mom.

So I turned back to babysitters. Paid babysitters. Sure, I had some fears leaving the kids with non-family, but I was also fearful I’d lose my mind without the break.

I realized: I can find/teach/work with someone else I trust with my kids.

I realized: the kids will survive being away from me.

I realized: I can justify this cost, if it helps my sanity -- and my marriage.

And yes, we had some misses. One babysitter was a constant-boyfriend-talker.

But we also had some hits. One of our kids’ favorite sitters was a neighbor whose parents were friends of ours. She truly loved kids – in fact, we just celebrated her getting a Masters in Education.

What I learned? The kids could survive without their big sister taking care of them – and without us home Every.Single.Weekend.Night. And my relationship with my husband could flourish because we were prioritizing taking time for ourselves. We could enjoy being a couple, rather than just Mom and Dad.

May 05, 2014

Mary Lavigne joined the Operations team at Care.com after being a SAHM for five years. Now, as the mom of two grown children, she has an important Mother’s Day lesson (or 7) to help all parents manage their workloads.

Here’s the thing about being a mom. We take on too much. We strive for perfection and always find flaws in our houses, our clothes, our spouses and our children. I think there’s a female-factor that always needs to be doing something. “Keeping busy.” We can always find work that needs to be done.

I’ve been a mom for 21 years. And now that my youngest child is about to leave the house for college, I regret taking on too much. I regret that my house had to be picture perfect (“like a museum” as my husband used to say). I regret that there were always projects to be done, laundry to be folded, bathrooms to be cleaned. And I did them – all. I regret that I didn’t sit down, relax, take care of myself, and play more with my kids.

So in honor of Mother’s Day, I urge all the moms to “let it go.” (Dads reading this, help your partner take things off her list). No matter how old we are, we can all get inspired by Elsa’s newfound Frozen freedom, and de-prioritize our priorities. Take time ourselves. Spend more time with the kids. Outsource the necessary projects by asking – or hiring an extra set of hands. Here are the seven projects I wish I had let go of. I hope my regrets can inspire you.

Doing laundry. With two children involved in at least one sport a season, including a daughter who changed her clothes two times a day, there was a lot of washing, drying, folding and putting away. Doing it over again, I would have a housekeeper do the kids’ laundry, including sheets and towels – or assign it to a regular date-night sitter, once a week.

Having the cleanest house. I probably spent years of my life wiping, dusting, scrubbing and vacuuming. My house always had to look pristine – perhaps in my head, it represented I was doing a “good” job at motherhood. But because of this, I barely ever rested. This might be the hardest thing to let go of (and budgeting for), but I suggest hiring a housekeeper once a month (or week if you can!), giving kids and spouses more cleaning responsibilities, and living with the rest. If friends and neighbors think less of me because of some mess, they shouldn’t be invited over. Right?

Making meals from scratch. Family dinner was – and always will be – very important. But what we ate didn’t always need to be homemade. Looking back, I wish I’d bought more prepared foods, rotisserie chickens or hired someone to cook – and freeze – a bunch of meals at a time.

Accompanying kids to everything. As my daughter’s cheerleading coach, I was always at her practices, but that made me feel the need to be at my son’s practices too. I wish I had let go of this guilt. There was no need for me to be super parent, attending and driving to everything. In fact it just set me up for being the constant carpool driver. I should have done more drop-offs or hired a sitter to work with one child, so I could have solo-time with another.

Helping with homework. This is where family feuds always began. Did you do your homework? Did you study for the test? Tutoring my own children was a nightmare, adding unnecessary stress on our relationships. Finding a real tutor or a college kid who could babysit and help with certain subjects would have changed my life.

Going to all family obligations. We have a lot of family nearby, which means a lot of invitations. This was one thing I did back away from, learning to say “we might stop by after dinner,” instead of committing to a full-day event. Weekends as the four of us were precious, and sometimes I needed to put our time as “just us,” first.

Cleaning and organizing semi-annually. Spring cleaning needs are still buzzing in my ear, and now with my kids (mostly) out of the house, I find joy in organizing closets, cabinets, the basement, garage and laundry room. But back then it was just another thing that I had to do. And it was exhausting. As a gift to your spouse – or yourself -- give projects like these to an odd-job organizational wiz who can spend a few hours at your house – giving you your life back.

This Mother’s Day, I hope you cherish the role you play as one of the best people in your children’s lives. Not because you run a tight ship, keep a clean house, or attend every event. But because you love them with every bit of your being – and they feel it in every bit of theirs. And celebrate the opportunity to let things go, assign them to someone else, and hire extra hands, so yours can embrace those beautiful “babies.”

Or you can just channel your inner Idina Menzel and say “The mess never bothered me anyway.”

March 11, 2013

I
want you to meet Tiffany. An Associate Editor on our Content Team, Tiffany
edits the helpful articles and resources our families and caregivers use on a
daily basis. Here, she talks about her own care challenge – and how she tackled
it!

I
have a secret. Before you read this blog, you have promise never to tell anyone.
Swear?

Before
finding her, I was a last-minute tidier. I kept things neat, often in stacks
and piles. It was "clean," but for my standards. Then, right before people came
over, I panicked, scrubbed, vacuumed – even hid. But I would have rather been
cooking or spending those last peaceful moments with my husband.

And
I would still get those dreaded comments from my houseguests, namely my mother
and mother-in-law. I live a good three hours away and when they visit, they
come in like Miss Hannigan from Annie,
inspecting my apartment and saying things like "Do you want me to rinse this?"
and "Is your vacuum cleaner broken?"

The
worst was one time after I spent three days cleaning I came home from work to find
my MIL (who was staying with us) re-cleaning! I was devastated.

Yes,
I come from a long line of cleaners, and I can admit that growing up I watched
my mom spend countless hours cleaning our house -- every day. So perhaps
subconsciously, I knew I never wanted that to become my life. (Doesn’t every
daughter blame everything on her mom?)

I
realized I needed professional help (and not just therapy). I needed a housekeeper.

Now,
five months later, I’ve never been happier. My amazing cleaning woman comes
once a month to take care of the apartment. I don’t fight with my husband about
whose turn it is to clean the kitchen. I don’t have to nudge him towards the
vacuum. He doesn’t have to ask me about the scary soap scum in the shower.

We’ll
probably get around to having kids -- eventually. And I’ve heard they can be a
little messy. I can’t imagine not having a cleaning person to help. She even
does my spring cleaning. She dusts
inside the baseboard heaters, scours the oven and cleans the back of the
fridge. (I didn’t even know you had to do that!)

But
here’s where I put her to the test: This Thanksgiving I hosted both families for
the first time. They each separately commented about how clean the apartment
looked. And I proudly smiled and thanked them.

They’ll
never know our little secret.

Tell me, is there a care need you caved
and purchased? Is there something your house cleaner does you love her/him for?

November 12, 2012

I have a fun Thanksgiving
tradition. I get together with a group of people
I used to work with right after college – and we have a mini "Friends-giving."
The tradition started a long time ago before most of us had families or big
dining rooms and kitchens. Before most of us knew how to cook – or wanted to
learn. The focus wasn’t on the food. It was about getting together. We bought
all the food and sides from a rotisserie chicken place in New England called
Boston Market. And it was a feast.

Now our families have grown, and
so have our taste buds. Over the years, people have started cooking real,
delicious food. They've brined turkeys, mashed potatoes, made pie crusts --
from scratch!

This year, I am hosting. And I
here's my secret: I'm going back to getting take-out. It’s all part of my goal
on being "less perfect" and focusing on what's really important. The purpose of
this is to be together. It was never about the food.

Thanksgiving can get so stressful.
Add kids, in-laws and a house packed with guests to the mix and suddenly you can’t
wait to gobble down your food and get everyone out the door. I suggest adopting
a little bit of my "less perfect" plan for your holiday too (No, I don’t only mean
getting fast-food!). Here are some ideas:

Buy your appetizers. They're not the main event!

Ask everyone to bring one side dish or a dessert.

Make two kid-friendly foods so you don't have to hear
whining if they don't eat turkey (microwavable macaroni counts!). (Here are 9
kid-friendly recipes)

Cook your favorite dish (you will really look
forward to eating it!)

Assign chores, even to the kids. Do this a week in advance,
and start jobs 2 days before.

Get kids to create the table décor. That way, it's not
perfect -- it's adorable!

Focus on being together. Find a game for the kids to play
together (here are some kiddie
table activities), and another game for
the adults to play after the kids go to bed. This should be fun and festive.
The dishes can wait for Friday!

December 12, 2011

Last week, I posted Care.com’s 2011 Top 5 Gifts for Caregivers and promised that I'd decode the gift of money this week. We tip waiters with every restaurant meal, but when it comes to our caregivers, we may be a little out of practice when calculating the right monetary "thank you." A spa gift certificate, homemade cupcakes, a tip or a bonus? The truth is that, when you find someone who truly cares for your family, the holidays are a great opportunity to show your gratitude – and ensure that your caregiver happily stays with you throughout the new year. To help determine the right holiday gift, check out the guide below for part two of our holiday celebration for caregivers:

NanniesProvide full-time nannies and au pairs with a holiday bonus – the equivalent of one week's salary.

While this is the standard, if finances are tight this year, consider giving your nanny an extra week to a few days of paid vacation spread out during the following year. Add a homemade gift. Don't forget that generally, nannies do not get paid vacations on the major winter holidays, including Thanksgiving, the day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years. If you ask them to help out on any of these days, be sure to pay time and a half.

BabysittersFor babysitters who care for your children on a regular basis, provide a tip – about one or two night's pay. If you want to thank an occasional sitter who helps out on date nights or provides back-up care, send a card with a gift certificate (see last week's post for specific ideas) of about $25.00-$50.00. Again, nice homemade goodies, made with help from the kids, are also a great "thank you."

Special Needs CaregiversSpecial needs caregivers can play a crucial role in the lives of our children and loved ones. Like nannies, if your special needs caregiver is full-time, provide the one week salary holiday bonus. If he or she visits only occasionally, stick with the one-or-two-visit tipping rule. However, if your caregiver goes the extra mile in caring for your loved one, make sure that your gesture reflects his or her dedication.

TutorsA tip equivalent to one tutoring session is appropriate for tutors who have really made an impact on your child's learning, and I also like to involve my guys in the gift-giving by having them make a thank you card or small gift.

Senior CaregiversIf your full-time senior caregiver is employed independently by you and your family, operate under the one-week-salary bonus rule or two weeks for caregivers that have been with your family for multiple years. If he or she is employed through an agency or works at your senior's facility, be sure to check with the management regarding policies on tipping. If you know that the caregiver has really gone out of their way to make your aging parent or loved one as happy and well-cared for as possible, give a little extra – check out The Gift of Relaxation section from last week.

Pet Sitters and Dog WalkersAn occasional pet sitter could get a gift card or an equivalent to an extra day's pay. For a dog walker that comes by when you're at work and on a daily basis, provide the typical week's salary as a holiday tip. And if you make regular visits to the groomer, give them a little tip or gift as well.

HousekeepersIn general, housekeepers should receive anywhere from 50 percent to 100 percent of their usual weekly fee. Accompany your holiday tip with a nice card or holiday goodies. If you occasionally hire a house cleaner to come in before a house party or a visit from relatives, a tip is nice, but not necessary.

Ultimately, bonuses are greater amounts for full-time caregivers, and tips are a percentage or extra full day’s pay for part-time or occasional caregivers. Whether you choose to give presents, extra paid vacation time, bonuses, or tips this holiday season, ensure that your gift matches your own feelings of gratitude towards the caregivers of your loved ones.

December 05, 2011

Every year around the holidays, the Care Team and I notice that families are struggling to find the right gifts for their caregivers. I know from experience – finding that ideal present can be surprisingly difficult. Our caregivers occupy a very special and unique place in our lives. It can be hard to believe that from a simple online profile, they become so much more: our sanity-keepers, peacemakers, stress-relievers, lifesavers, and trusted allies. We call them when there's an emergency. We call them when we need a break. And, every day, we trust them with the most important things in the world: our children, parents, pets, and homes. So how do you say that super-special thank you?

Idea #1: The Gift of RelaxationYou know that your caregiver could likely use some relaxation time – because you know exactly the kinds of messes they've been cleaning, the kids they've been running after, and the dogs they've been walking. Spa gift certificates, including pedicures, manicures, massages, and even time at the hair salon, are all great gifts. Stop by your local spa or salon to ask about a gift card or purchase online. A great fit for babysitters, nannies, housekeepers, pet sitters, and senior caregivers.

Idea #2: The Gift of Good CheerHelp your caregiver eat, drink, and be merry with special treats that they wouldn't buy for themselves. I'm partial to gift baskets with a mix of healthy and decadent options, like pears with chocolates. To go even healthier, check out local options, such as farm shares and co-ops for potential veggie deliveries to your caregiver's doorstep during the growing months. For the decadent route, find near-by specialty stores and support your local community with wine or cheese basket gifts for your caregiver.

Idea #3: The Gift of TechGiving that perfect tech-toy can be a great fit for more than just the younger generation of college caregivers. I know our housekeeper is always plugged into her iPod and favorite playlist. IPod nanos are currently about $129.00, and iPod shuffles are even less: $49.00. If your babysitter is already rocking out with an iPod, consider an iTunes gift card. Another great gift this year is Amazon's Kindle at $79.00. (And just a nerdy techie sidenote: after Black Friday, their latest Kindle Fire tablet, priced at $199.00, is rivaling Apple's $499.00 iPad).

Idea #4: The Gift of HeartSince caregivers can play such uniquely intimate roles in our lives, consider making a homemade gift if you are looking for a more personal way to say "Thank you." Get the kids involved. Visit the local craft store for fun ideas like homemade soap or candle-making kits. Take a great picture of your nanny playing with your kids, and have your little ones help you put together a festive magnetic frame for the fridge or even a beautiful ornament for your caregiver's tree or home. Snap a picture of your dog in a Santa hat - this is also a great idea for pet sitters and dog walkers.

Idea #5: The Gift for the Whole FamilyFinally, think about giving a gift that your caregiver's entire family will enjoy. If you want to go the food route, don't forget to take any food allergies into consideration. For example, if anyone in your caregiver's family has a gluten allergy, find gluten-free baked goodies, and create a unique food allergy-friendly basket. Buy a subscription to a print or e-magazine, like Living Without for food allergy families or fun kid magazines, like National Geographic Kids. If you have any pics of your caregiver with his or her family, add them to digital picture frame for a great family gift.

As you review these options and try to decide on how much you should spend in time and money, think about your caregiver's relationship with your family. I generally recommend going bigger for nannies, housekeepers, pet caretakers and senior caregivers that have become honorary members of the family. Consider smaller gifts for occasional babysitters, pet sitters, and dog walkers. And of course cash is always welcome, but do you know how much to give? Tune in next week to our article on tipping.

November 07, 2011

As a female entrepreneur, I've spent a lot of time in the last year speaking about the power of women in the economy. From local colleges in Boston to the World Economic Forum in China, I've shared my story of starting a company while raising two boys. But I've found that it's impossible for me to discuss my own rise as a working mother – and the juggle of building a career and a family – without crediting Ron, my husband, both in the workplace and at home.

I know first-hand how important dads are in the modern family. Ron, my husband since college, has always approached our life as a "we." When we had Ryan as young parents he was equally involved in the childcare. We attended graduate school together. When I started Care.com, Ron ensured that we would be able to do it. We both worked at what we loved to do – raising a family and starting Care.com. Ron took on the early role to be my watchful and intuitive partner; sometimes questioning, never discouraging, always there.

Ron isn't alone. Our generation of dads – which includes President Barack Obama, who often discusses and wrote about his parenting roles – started a wave of active parenting that I'm excited to see has only continued in the younger Generation Y group. Whether it's because of younger twentysomethings who view work and life through the prism of their own happiness and fulfillment; or that the poor economy has disproportionately affected men through job losses; or simply, the reality that more women are in the workplace resulting in household equity at home, there is a shift of men from traditional "provider" roles to "nurturer" ones. And we're seeing it on Care.com, too. Fathers are playing a big role on Care.com as displayed in postings for childcare jobs to discussions in our Groups page to even a recent Today.com story about a dad who found a childcare job on Care.com.

I usually end my speeches asking both men and women to take a pledge to encourage more equity, both at home and in the workplace. I personally feel it's critical to the growth of our economy. But I believe it goes both ways. Companies need to recognize the rise of both parents sharing childcare responsibilities.

And we at Care.com hear from companies looking to keep their employees focused, engaged and inspired. Familiar parenting terms, right? I believe the answer is respect, collaboration and giving people the ability to love their whole life. If that means ensuring that a dad can do pick-up or drop-off everyday, then find a way to make it work.

So, what do you think? Do you see this shift in modern dads playing more of a role in parenting and nurturing kids? What role do they play in child care?

How do your and your spouse's companies compare? Do you feel they'd be supportive of shared parenting roles?

I'd love to hear from you and your spouse. What changes do companies and society need to make to have shared parenting more of the norm?

February 28, 2011

Whether you’ve hired a nanny, dog walker, or housekeeper, you are now a manager. If you are currently navigating your way through the intense process of posting a job, interviewing prospective caregivers, calling references, and requesting background checks, you soon will become one.

As the Care.com Management Team and I know on a daily basis, being a manager is not nearly as easy as it may appear at first glance. We have to constantly work at ensuring that the perfect balance is met; that our employees have the right tools and motivation to do their jobs to the best of their ability.

As the manager of caregivers, your workspace is your home. Not only are you relying on your employees to give 100% at their job, but you are trusting them with your children, your pets or your home. It is important to acknowledge that this trust amplifies the significance of your relationship. Here are the top 10 tips in managing your care provider that we've gathered from our parenting experts to keep your family and your provider happy and running smoothly:

Make a Contract. Signing a contract requires both you and your caregiver to agree to specified terms. Expectations are set and clear. You are also protected from a legal standpoint. For more information, check out this article on Nanny Contracts.

Write Out a Schedule. In addition to the bigger picture expectations that you outline in the contract, write out a schedule for your caregiver to refer to throughout the day. It can be a loose outline or an itemized To-Do list – whatever works best for you and the caregiver. Feel free to use this example of a Housekeeping Checklist.

Build Trust. When you welcome someone into your home, you are trusting them to treat you, your family, and your house with respect. Give your caregiver the same respect. Don’t forget to ask your caregiver about their life outside your walls! It will go a long way. Take a look at what our mom blogger, Ellen Seidman, has to say about having a great relationship with your nanny.

Set Boundaries. At the same time that you show respect, it is also crucial that you set boundaries. Make sure your caregiver understands his or her job parameters. If you don’t want your housekeeper doing your laundry, make it clear.

Check Your Gut Reactions. Conflicts will arise in any workplace. Before you react to a problem, try to take a moment and breathe. When you decide to address the issue with your caregiver, remember that his or her intentions were likely good, and your goal is simply to ensure that the problem does not continue to occur.

Celebrate the Victories. When your caregiver helps your child to get an A on a big test or your dog walker teaches your pup a new trick, celebrate! Let the tutor or the pet sitter know that you really appreciate his or her work with a little gift or even just kind words – these small gestures can really mean a lot.

Check In with Your Caregiver. On a regular basis, once a week or once a month – whatever works best with your schedules – take the time to meet with your caregiver. At Care.com, we call these one-on-ones. It gives you both a chance to talk about what’s working, what can be fixed, and how things are generally going.

Stay Connected. Open the lines of communication by encouraging your caregiver to text you with little updates throughout the day. Our Editor-in-Chief, Wendy Sachs, loves the banter that “ranges from utilitarian to insightful.” If texting or e-mailing isn’t your style, have a community whiteboard or leave little notes.

Say Thank You. Don’t forget to say thank you. While you do have a business relationship, nannies and employees who work in your home have a special window into your life, which can bring you closer together than office interactions. Acknowledge this by being respectful and giving thanks.

Last week I wrote about the guilt of working parents and introduced this survey below. If you haven't yet had a chance, I would love to hear from you. This information helps us to provide you with a great Care.com experience.

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Care.com and "There for you" are service marks or registered service marks of Care.com, Inc.