Why is the person who plays the piano called the Pianist but the person who drives a racing car not called a racist ?

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AMERICA: We want our drone backCHINA: Certainly, how many do you want?

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My son's driving instructor told him that he should wear a seatbelt because if he were to crash, the force could throw him out of the car.

I can't believe that he thinks Star Wars is real.

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It never gets old...

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People who are opposed to bringing back capital punishment often argue that the death penalty has no effect on re-offending rates.

I couldn't agree more. I've lost count of the number of times I've been mugged by a corpse.

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I think Trump was right to tell China to keep the drone. It probably says Made in China anyway.

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Liberal role models...

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I see that Kate Moss charged £15,000 a plate for her 'Support Bulimia' fundraiser dinner.

For most of the A-List ladies, that'll be the most expensive meal they've ever thrown up.

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If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be dumb enough to try to pass them? 5 or 6 at a time? On a hill? In the fog?

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Donald Trump has just released new details about his plan to send illegals back to Mexico. He’s gonna deport them Juan by Juan.

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Interviewer: Your resume says you’re very quick at math.Me: Yes I am!Interviewer: What's 12 times 37?Me: 49.Interviewer: That’s not even close!Me: Yeah, but it was fast.

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Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?

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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades.

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The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

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Welcome to America.

You've arrive during election season. That's when voters find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what voters will fall for.

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Last week I had my annual physical, which I religiously get every 5 to 8 years.

This year when the nurse weighed me I was surprised by how much stronger the earth's gravitational field has become since 2006!

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Homeland Security says we should report anything suspicious or unusual.

Yesterday I caught an Amtrak train that was on time. Should I call them?