MeOkay, relax dude.Life doesn't suck.It just has bumps in the road sometimes.

Friendnot for eme

MeTalk to me when you've sobered up.

Friendi think ill commit suicide before thatid like to anywayscount m out of the gamei dont want to do anything moreshe dumped mepedroi screw up with women

His brother then informed facebook that he was taken to hospital to rest up. He's apparently fine. I don't know the full story of why he's there, if it's because of alcohol poisoning or what.

My question to you guys is... how do I deal with this? How do I encourage him to deal with his problems more constructively? He very well could have ended his own life tonight and I'm really ambivalent on how to feel and what to do. I realize that I wasn't anywhere close to being sympathetic in my brief conversation with him, but the last thing I wanted to tell him was the equivalent of "you're doing it wrong" in a fragile state.

Tue May 15, 2012 10:21 pm

moviemkr7

Assistant Director

Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 10:40 pmPosts: 786

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

First off, he needs therapy, and probably a visit to the psychiatrist. Alcohol may have exacerbated his emotions, but his depression is there. Suicide is NOT a good idea. Believe me, he will hurt so many people, even those he doesn't know.

But please, please please...GET HIM HELP! Commit him if you believe that he is a danger to himself, but GET HIM HELP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! This isn't something that he can handle on his own, nor is is something that can be dealt with in the family. Just get him help!

I've encountered a few situations like this one over the years and they're always difficult and uncomfortable. The reason being, as the not suicidal one in the situation, you're forced to deal with emotions and situations that you have no experience with and are completely unprepared for. That's why things like therapy are always a good idea in these situations. Even if your friend was just crying out for attention in a drunken stupor, he still probably needs some help. Like moviemkr7 said, those emotions are there even if alcohol brought them to the forefront.

Personally, I think most people know whether they are truly capable of something like suicide deep down. We all probably have fleeting thoughts during moments of weakness when things are tough (I certainly have), but I think there's a pretty large difference between thinking it or saying it, and really considering it.

Of course, all of that goes on internally and is tough to explain sometimes, so as the friend in the situation you can't possibly know if someone seriously wants to end their life or if it's just a cry for help. Also, there's the notion that those cries for help, if that's what they are, could eventually turn into action if ignored or not dealt with. If I was you Pedro, I'd talk to his brother, or parents if you know them, and let him know about the conversation you had so his family can be made aware (or more aware) of his state of mind. I'd also reach out to him after he was out of the hospital and let him know he scared you and that you don't want to see anything happen to him. Sometimes those cries for help just mean a person wants to know people are there and care. Hopefully, that's the situation here. If not, he can still be helped, but it will probably require a professional.

You're a good friend for addressing this, Pedro. A lot of folks I know would just lock it up inside and pretend it never happened. Don't get down on yourself for not knowing what to do or feeling odd about it. Those are completely normal reactions.

Wed May 16, 2012 8:23 am

wisey

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

PeachyPete wrote:

Personally, I think most people know whether they are truly capable of something like suicide deep down. We all probably have fleeting thoughts during moments of weakness when things are tough (I certainly have), but I think there's a pretty large difference between thinking it or saying it, and really considering it.

Of course, all of that goes on internally and is tough to explain sometimes, so as the friend in the situation you can't possibly know if someone seriously wants to end their life or if it's just a cry for help. Also, there's the notion that those cries for help, if that's what they are, could eventually turn into action if ignored or not dealt with. If I was you Pedro, I'd talk to his brother, or parents if you know them, and let him know about the conversation you had so his family can be made aware (or more aware) of his state of mind. I'd also reach out to him after he was out of the hospital and let him know he scared you and that you don't want to see anything happen to him. Sometimes those cries for help just mean a person wants to know people are there and care. Hopefully, that's the situation here. If not, he can still be helped, but it will probably require a professional.

You're a good friend for addressing this, Pedro. A lot of folks I know would just lock it up inside and pretend it never happened. Don't get down on yourself for not knowing what to do or feeling odd about it. Those are completely normal reactions.

I doubt a psychologist could have expressed that better. It's such a tough situation Pedro, getting your friend to seek help and not feel guilty or embarrassed is possibly the first step. If you’re in a position to let his family know, without adding fire to the situation, that's possibly the best for your friend, AND YOURSELF MATE. Try not to be to hard on yourself, there’s more than one victim in tough times like these.

Wed May 16, 2012 12:33 pm

Frogster

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

PeachyPete wrote:

If I was you Pedro, I'd talk to his brother, or parents if you know them, and let him know about the conversation you had so his family can be made aware (or more aware) of his state of mind. I'd also reach out to him after he was out of the hospital and let him know he scared you and that you don't want to see anything happen to him. Sometimes those cries for help just mean a person wants to know people are there and care. Hopefully, that's the situation here. If not, he can still be helped, but it will probably require a professional.

You're a good friend for addressing this, Pedro. A lot of folks I know would just lock it up inside and pretend it never happened. Don't get down on yourself for not knowing what to do or feeling odd about it. Those are completely normal reactions.

Wed May 16, 2012 2:18 pm

Ken

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

I've had buddies go through bad breakups with self-destructive phases. Hell, I've been there myself. I don't know that it's ever gone this far, where somebody's life is in clear and present danger, which puts this situation out of my experience. What I can say is that the company of family and friends is extremely important. In my observation, it is the one absolutely consistent element of the recovery process in an otherwise horrible part of the human experience that everybody handles differently.

Other than that, all I can say is good luck and best wishes to you and your friend.

Wed May 16, 2012 3:55 pm

Threeperf35

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Wowza! Just take a look at my left arm full of scares which is basically a rehearsal for suicude. Ooops now I said it. In my experience there is nothing of purpously destructiveness complete with carefully planned finesse, which a woman can't do to you. I firmly believe that - genetically/bioligically - they don't have the very slightest idea how much and how deep we guys (or at least some of us) are able to love them. If they did, they would take it way, way more seriously and not just go for what is the easiest solution for them: a guy they don't give a shit about but who provides financial and social advantages (NOT the one who truly loves her, going for broke). Trust me: it's exactly what they do - all the time. Again and again and again and again.

Am I politically incorrect? Yes. But I challenge you to work your ass off to prove me wrong. Give it your best shot.

Why are there so many songs about lost love (written by guys) ?

My advice (be it lost love, unemployment, ailment, death of beloved ones): try to find out who is your best friend. Spill your beans. If he/she can't take it: he/she ain't your friend. Fuck: even my own dear mum can't take what I have to say - and my very best friend is drowning in booze. Oh, did I mention that he banged my girlfriend based upon lies? There ya go.

Hang on in there guys, life sucks big hairy ass! Trust me. It's NOT personal.

Wed May 16, 2012 10:20 pm

Vexer

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Threeperf35 wrote:

Wowza! Just take a look at my left arm full of scares which is basically a rehearsal for suicude. Ooops now I said it. In my experience there is nothing of purpously destructiveness complete with carefully planned finesse, which a woman can't do to you. I firmly believe that - genetically/bioligically - they don't have the very slightest idea how much and how deep we guys (or at least some of us) are able to love them. If they did, they would take it way, way more seriously and not just go for what is the easiest solution for them: a guy they don't give a shit about but who provides financial and social advantages (NOT the one who truly loves her, going for broke). Trust me: it's exactly what they do - all the time. Again and again and again and again.

Am I politically incorrect? Yes. But I challenge you to work your ass off to prove me wrong. Give it your best shot.

Why are there so many songs about lost love (written by guys) ?

My advice (be it lost love, unemployment, ailment, death of beloved ones): try to find out who is your best friend. Spill your beans. If he/she can't take it: he/she ain't your friend. Fuck: even my own dear mum can't take what I have to say - and my very best friend is drowning in booze. Oh, did I mention that he banged my girlfriend based upon lies? There ya go.

Hang on in there guys, life sucks big hairy ass! Trust me. It's NOT personal.

Well you can't sterotype EVERY women like that, you're dead wrong and severely ignorant and misguided if you think it's a biological thing, while I have no doubt there are many gold diggers who only care about dating guys because they either look nice or have tons of money, there are genuinely nice and caring women out there, all the women i've been in relationships with were nothing but loving towards me, and I don't regret those relationships for one second, they only reasons things didn't work out were due to outside circumstances, there was no bad blood between us or anything like that.

P.S. Don't pretend guys can't be total dicks either, when I hear about horrific tales of battered women who have been through abusive relationships, it makes me sick to my stomach to the point where i'm ashamed of being a guy(though i'm not not saying women can't be absuive as well)

Wed May 16, 2012 11:41 pm

Timmy Shoes

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Vexer wrote:

all the women i've been in relationships with were nothing but loving towards me, and I don't regret those relationships for one second, they only reasons things didn't work out were due to outside circumstances, there was no bad blood between us or anything like that.

P.S. Don't pretend guys can't be total dicks either, when I hear about horrific tales of battered women who have been through abusive relationships, it makes me sick to my stomach to the point where i'm ashamed of being a guy(though i'm not not saying women can't be absuive as well)

I don't mean to be an asshole, but what you said that I've bolded would lead me to believe you've never actually been in a relationship. I also think you've missed Threep's points completely and entirely.

Back on topic, I think the bad breakup blues is something most men will have to endure throughout their lives. I'll never forget the night my best friend called me, crying, to tell me that one of the people he went to high school with died of an overdose (he had mixed opiates and alcohol; bad combination) after his girlfriend dumped him. He told me how it shook him, and how he wouldn't be able to deal if something like that happened to me or our other best friend.

I'm not sure there's much you can do for him, Pedro, other than be there for him. It's one of the worst feelings in the world, having your heart ripped out, but I think the "oh god I can't live without her, I should just kill myself" is an initial gut reaction that eventually passes. The ventures into intoxication are also usually part of the process, but can be dangerous (as evidenced by the fact that your friend was hospitalized and my best friend's friend from high school dying of an accidental overdose). I think it's interesting that everyone is jumping to therapy; while your friend very well may need it, perhaps all he needs is to get back on that horse. It will probably take some brooding time, but maybe the best thing you can do for him (besides being there to talk or whatever) is trying to get him back into the normal swing of his life. He was fine before he met that scarlet woman, he can be fine again now that she's gone.

It's never an easy situation to deal with and I hope things work out for you and your buddy. Hopefully all he needs is a nice rebound to get back on his feet again.

Thu May 17, 2012 4:15 am

Timmy Shoes

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Also, on a side note, I think the title of the thread is a little misleading. I thought this was going to be some sort of philosophical conversation about the ethics of suicide, euthanasia, seppuku, etc etc.

Thu May 17, 2012 4:19 am

Threeperf35

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Vexer wrote:

Well you can't sterotype EVERY women like that, you're dead wrong and severely ignorant and misguided if you think it's a biological thing, while I have no doubt there are many gold diggers who only care about dating guys because they either look nice or have tons of money, there are genuinely nice and caring women out there, all the women i've been in relationships with were nothing but loving towards me, and I don't regret those relationships for one second, they only reasons things didn't work out were due to outside circumstances, there was no bad blood between us or anything like that.

P.S. Don't pretend guys can't be total dicks either, when I hear about horrific tales of battered women who have been through abusive relationships, it makes me sick to my stomach to the point where i'm ashamed of being a guy(though i'm not not saying women can't be absuive as well)

Sure I am not talking about EVERY woman ever who walked/walkes the earth. But let's forget that political correctness for a moment. Let's check some facts: We are living in a world where the media are cranking up beauty standards and greed to ridiculous levels. It's being addressed everywhere, yet if you talk about it you're crazy. So ANY woman (I just say that because I'm a straight lad, that's the ONLY reason, there is no sexism here) who really is pretty, will know it (because people will keep telling her). And physical beauty opens doors which remain locked for the average Joe/Jane. There is NO real pretty woman who is modest and simply nice. If at all: they are acting. Beauty gets you very far without any effort. Modesty and being humble needs to be hammered into us human beings (I include myself). As soon as a woman looks nice (doesn't need to be supermodel level - not even close), it WILL come with a price tag.

Another thing: creativity and knowledge are things girls don't apprediate very much (unless they lead to wealth and social status). It's being passed down from mothers to their daughters: women make the rules in a relationship. Period. If guys try it, they will be rejected, or they will need to use physical force (something I have a huge problem with!) but that's in a nutshell were domestic violence mostly comes from. Sure I'm simplyfying things, but I'm right on the money - I know it. Seen it so many times.

And now I am going to say something which might get me thrown out of this forum. So be it: Did you ever notice how many girls/women who are pretty, smart and just sweet (not in a upper class, spoiled high maintenance way, but the way that makes you fall in love) go for the dump jocks? I guess being a nice and honest guy is both uncool and unexciting. The problem: these jocks are the guys very likely to rough their ladies up in an argument. Why? Vanity: check! Showing off to their friends who want to be like them (but are unable to pass the level of admiring and ass-kissing): check! Women (sue me!), even very pretty ones who have it all their way in life and don't need to study that hard, usually have much greater communicational skills than guys (especially jocks). That creates conflict. Guess who's using physical force when words fail? I never ever touched a woman in a way which might even remotely resemble violence. Perhaps that is what makes me so unattractive and boring. Trust me I heard it from girls themselves (not that I'm boring, but that looking - not necessarily being - badass is sexy). It's hard to make a point in a world which is so politically correct. There IS a pattern here. This doesn't mean I hate girls (nothing can be farther from the truth) but I know the game. Girls seem to be way better controlling their feelings and they seem to always look for "what's in it for me" in a relationship. Money, social status, showing the new beefcake to their girlfriends.... man, even the parents are bragging: My daughter is married to a very good looking doctor making a lot of money. You will NEVER hear: "My daughter is married to a really nice guy.". Do I sound like a guy rciting cliches? Yep, but they are true. So true in fact, that it is totally ridiculous.

Check any brazilian telenovela: it's the hot guy getting the hot chick - everything else is blablabla by the screenwriters. Take an older (at the time very popular) cheezy Hollywood high school flick: Do you really think Eric Stoltz finally realizes, he loved Mary Stuart Masterson all along because she has a heart of gold? Naw. Cast a real hot chick who is even prettier than Mary S. Masterson in the role of Lea Thompson and then we talk. The entire story wouldn't work. I don't know how "hot" Eric Stoltz was back in 1987, but cast a more regular guy (not ugly, just more regular) playnig a guy with a heart of gold and broke - and I want to see how the screenwriters will make the exact same story convincing. My gawd, it's the media telling us how it works and how it's supposed to work - 24/7. Now sue me, throw me out of the forum, tar and feather me. This won't change the fact that I see it happening all around me - all the time. Chefck the casting in any rom com - screenwriters and producers are very well aware and either go for the hot gets hot in the end or the totally improbable fat, ugly, clumsy or nerdy guy gets the hottie in the end (this latter scenario will NEVER happen in real life, other than when the guy is filthy rich, but the the girl still will have a jock to cheat on the guy).

On the other side: Good looking guys don't even bother to go for plane Janes, no matter how sweet, caring and smart they may be (they wouldn't be like this if they were hot anyway). It's the rules of the game. No way around it.

This is all one huge tv trope written by real life.

Now call me a sexist and prove me wrong. I won't accept "I made the experience, that..." stories. Bring me some logic and well made points please.

P.S. professional help: been there twice. It didn't really do anything. If you are a guy who really, really love someone and gets dumped, there is no talking which can help you easily. Once a great buddy of mine helped me a lot with just one sentence. "It's nothing personal - it happens all the time!".

Thu May 17, 2012 6:09 am

OtherBen

Gaffer

Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 5:52 amPosts: 49Location: England.

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

er...

how can anyone say things contrary to your point without including their own experiences? you used all your own experiences in your argument.

in my OWN personal experience, i've seen some of that which you talk of but i consider myself pretty average looking, if not ugly. i don't have a large personal wealth, status, job or a car yet i am currently living with a girl who works full-time whilst i sit around replying to shit like this. during high school i dated two girls who modelled and again, i had nothing to offer them except a personality and care. i won't deny that i wasn't a bit of a rebel and 'mysterious' but that's not enough to continue dating for 5 years. it almost feels as if you are blaming girls for leaving you or going after something different. maybe they just thought you weren't interesting enough? or yr passive aggressive attitude towards topics like this put them off?

i'm not trying to be an asshole here, but after my ex left me (cheated on me), i didn't immediately leap to the conclusion that all women were whores. i eventually thought rationally about how she clearly wasn't happy. it's a dick move but it was 'her way out' of the situation. it was better to think about my OWN mistakes, admit accountability for them and also to find the VALUE in myself and get back on the horse. no relationship is happy all the time. happiness isn't always fun.

we all know media's infatuation with beauty, but we also know films are fiction. we don't base our 'love interests' on what 'p.s. i love you' tells us in much the same way we don't shoot up the place because we saw it in die hard.

yes there are people who CHOOSE their love interests based on external matters but that's not subject to just one gender. and are those really the sort of people you would be interested in anyway?

Thu May 17, 2012 8:06 am

Threeperf35

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Nope, I'm not talking only (of course I include it - being unbiased is impossible) about my own experienes. I think I am a good observer. Nope, not all women are whores, but there is a LOT of interest in social status and money. Two of my old school buddies (that I still know) clearly suffer from wives who put a lot of pressure on them to make money, keep the image and hang out with certain people.

I also have seen my fair share of trophy wives, gold diggers and celebrity chasers. These names wouldn't exist if they weren't true cliches (just think how many average bloke celebrity musicians are/were married to eye candy models). I lived together with a celebrity chaser ( I was a musician from Germany with a famous dad, good enough for a greedy girl coming from a humble home) for almost 20 (!) years. I always knew she was out of my league, she was no model by any means but darn she really was easy on the eyes, and she dumped me (sort of) as soon as she found another poor bastard who provided her money and social status. I simply had to pay the price. Easy as that.

And yes, I did my fair share of rejection myself. First time I was 16 and I handled it very poorly. The girl was clearly devastated. I never made this mistake again. I'm no saint, but I know the pain, and until now I was very careful. Not that the girls run after me anymore. They did when I was in my prime playing gigs. Those times are (basically) over.

Yep, my tendency to get into intellectual or artistical rambling (whether I know shit about it or not), is not the stuff of conversation many women are looking for, but I do have at least one good female friend (she is married to a well paid computer guy, and we just get along fine, nothing else going on and noone gets hurt) who really listenes to me and brings her own ideas to the table. She knows I am not talking out of arrogance.

And that is absolutely correct: superficial women who just go for looks (not saying I'm ugly - but I'm certainly not a hunk) are definitely what I am looking for. It is just surprising how many sweet, bright, apparently even a little shy and soft spoken girls (not talking babes or cheap sluts) end up with hunk-ish guys apparently with an IQ bordering dangerously on being intellectally challenged.

Sure, when I was young, I went for the babes, preferrably with a great sense of humor (of course not the model typies who are frighteningly beautiful anbd have boyfriends five years older with expensive rides) - and of course I got rejected. Now I know I was stupid. I probably hadn't noticed that girls who would have been so much better and nicer for me (and would have wanted me) were just in plain sight. But as they say. Youth is wasted on the young - when you know stuff, it's too late.

Thu May 17, 2012 10:26 am

Shade

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Threeperf...I'm going to jump around a bit in what you've been saying, but please understand it's to give context to my thoughts and not to take you out of context.

Threeperf35 wrote:

Let's check some facts: We are living in a world where the media are cranking up beauty standards and greed to ridiculous levels. It's being addressed everywhere, yet if you talk about it you're crazy. So ANY woman (I just say that because I'm a straight lad, that's the ONLY reason, there is no sexism here) who really is pretty, will know it (because people will keep telling her). And physical beauty opens doors which remain locked for the average Joe/Jane.

This is all true, and I don't think anyone would disagree with you here.

Threeperf35 wrote:

There is NO real pretty woman who is modest and simply nice. If at all: they are acting.

This just sounds like bitterness. You're seriously telling everyone who's in a relationship with a "real pretty" girl that their woman is not modest or nice, and they're faking it if they seem that way? You're saying that every "real pretty" girl cannot possibly be nice? Are you serious?

Threeperf35 wrote:

Another thing: creativity and knowledge are things girls don't appreciate very much

You need to change the type of girls you hang with or are interested in then. I won't deny that some girls are that way, because some people are that way, but to claim that guys appreciate those things more is total malarkey.

Threeperf35 wrote:

women make the rules in a relationship. Period. If guys try it, they will be rejected, or they will need to use physical force (something I have a huge problem with!) but that's in a nutshell were domestic violence mostly comes from. Sure I'm simplyfying things, but I'm right on the money - I know it. Seen it so many times.

The only (repeat: only only only only) any individual person (as opposed to the couple together) gets to make the rules in a relationship is because the other party actively allows it. Actively. I certainly agree that this happens more with guys, but that's because guys go too overboard (more on this later) and early in the relationship they cave on all sorts of things, don't point out things they take issue with, and after the honeymoon is over they wonder why they have no control.It's because you gave it up. I want to be extra clear here: if a girl (or guy) controls your relationship with them, it's your fault, not their's. They can't have any more control than you give them. If they demand it to have a relationship, then move on, they're not worth it.

Threeperf35 wrote:

You will NEVER hear: "My daughter is married to a really nice guy."

Honestly dude... without thinking about it, I can think of 20 specific examples of hearing this off the top of my head. Most Moms, this is all they want for their girls. They don't care about the other stuff... if a guy is kind and willing to work hard, they can live with a lower income and all that jazz.

Threeperf35 wrote:

Trust me I heard it from girls themselves (not that I'm boring, but that looking - not necessarily being - badass is sexy).

I think you're skipping over the correct point: boring is boring. Yes, all girls will go through stages of being attracted to the bad boy, but as they mature they come out of that -- to a degree. What they want is someone who is not boring... who will take risk, who is passionate, etc etc. This is why plenty of successful men can't find a woman that sticks with them... contrary to what you say, mature women are not just after money and power, they're looking for men that care about something enough to take a risk.

Threeperf35 wrote:

Check any brazilian telenovela

These words are never the start of a successful point. Additionally, soap operas are porn for women and we all know that and no sane adult takes their social cues from them.

Threeperf35 wrote:

And yes, I did my fair share of rejection myself. First time I was 16 and I handled it very poorly. The girl was clearly devastated. I never made this mistake again.

I don't get this... it was a "mistake" to break up? Unless it's "mutual" (which we all know almost never happens), someone's always going to be saddened and disappointed to some degree.

And here's a truth that is huge in this whole debate: men are very capable of overwhelming girls. If a girl says you're crowding her, you probably are. Many men, especially those lacking in relational maturity, wrongly believe that throwing their whole emotions passionately into a relationship is a good thing. It's not. Yes, you should be invested, but that needs to come in stages. Men tend to let their minds fly on them, write passionate notes and songs and say things they think they mean (and as I said earlier, men will let things that annoy them go early because they're so wrapped up in the girl). Nothing wrong with any of that inherently, but it can build a level of seriousness that is not there. Girl gets overwhelmed, girl breaks up, guy is devastated. It's a nasty cycle, but it's not the girls fault.

Because this is the bottom line: if your experiences with girls leads you to believe that "all girls are that way"... perhaps you should consider that rather than take that small sample size and apply it to 5 billion girls on the planet, you should look at the smaller sample size and find the common denominator: it's you.

Thu May 17, 2012 12:20 pm

Vexer

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Well, if you only go after shallow women then it shouldn't at all come as a shock if they leave you for somebody else. I have zero interest in dating shallow women regardless of how beautiful they are for that very reason. Still, I am sorry that things didn't work out for you. As for your first break-up, it depends on why you broke up with the girl in the first place, if you had a good reason for it, then you shouldn't feel too bad about it, but if you broke up with her for petty reasons, then I can understand why you'd feel guilty over it.

I mostly agree with Shade though, you can't tell someone your true feelings all at once or you'll come across as desperate, which can be a turn-off for many people. I made that mistake before with a woman who I was still in the "just friends" stage with, she didn't leave me over it, she just let me know that it was too soon to be thinking about our relationship in that way just yet, so I dialed it down and we eventually progressed to the next stage of our relationship more naturally.

Soap operas have virtually no relation to real life, everything is exaggerated for the sake of dramatics, so you're not going to see realistic relationships on them. It's no surprise that soap operas are almost completely dead(at least in the U.S.)

Thu May 17, 2012 12:35 pm

Vexer

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Timmy Shoes wrote:

Vexer wrote:

all the women i've been in relationships with were nothing but loving towards me, and I don't regret those relationships for one second, they only reasons things didn't work out were due to outside circumstances, there was no bad blood between us or anything like that.

P.S. Don't pretend guys can't be total dicks either, when I hear about horrific tales of battered women who have been through abusive relationships, it makes me sick to my stomach to the point where i'm ashamed of being a guy(though i'm not not saying women can't be absuive as well)

I don't mean to be an asshole, but what you said that I've bolded would lead me to believe you've never actually been in a relationship. I also think you've missed Threep's points completely and entirely.

Back on topic, I think the bad breakup blues is something most men will have to endure throughout their lives. I'll never forget the night my best friend called me, crying, to tell me that one of the people he went to high school with died of an overdose (he had mixed opiates and alcohol; bad combination) after his girlfriend dumped him. He told me how it shook him, and how he wouldn't be able to deal if something like that happened to me or our other best friend.

I'm not sure there's much you can do for him, Pedro, other than be there for him. It's one of the worst feelings in the world, having your heart ripped out, but I think the "oh god I can't live without her, I should just kill myself" is an initial gut reaction that eventually passes. The ventures into intoxication are also usually part of the process, but can be dangerous (as evidenced by the fact that your friend was hospitalized and my best friend's friend from high school dying of an accidental overdose). I think it's interesting that everyone is jumping to therapy; while your friend very well may need it, perhaps all he needs is to get back on that horse. It will probably take some brooding time, but maybe the best thing you can do for him (besides being there to talk or whatever) is trying to get him back into the normal swing of his life. He was fine before he met that scarlet woman, he can be fine again now that she's gone.

It's never an easy situation to deal with and I hope things work out for you and your buddy. Hopefully all he needs is a nice rebound to get back on his feet again.

You can believe whatever you want about me, I really don't care what you think, but I have been in relationships before, none of which I regreted in any way, was I let down that the relationships didn't work out? Of course, but I never once even considered suicide an option, nor would I ever get intoxicated over something like that(my family has a pretty bad history of alcoholism, several of my relatives have died because of it, I don't want to be next on the list) I do agree with you that the best thing to do after a failed relationship is to try and look for another one, i'm always on the lookout for new relationships because I know there's no point in lamenting over the past.

Thu May 17, 2012 12:36 pm

Shade

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Vexer wrote:

you can't tell someone your true feelings all at once or you'll come across as desperate, which can be a turn-off for many people

That's not the totality of what I'm saying, though... I'm saying that most of the time those aren't you're real feelings. You believe that they are, of course. But maturity is understanding that you're not actually in love with someone who you are in a new relationship with. You can't be. It's infatuation... which is not bad, but should not be totally trusted either.

Vexer wrote:

I do agree with you that the best thing to do after a failed relationship is to try and look for another one

I totally disagree, I think that's usually the worst thing you can do. Until and unless you are 100% comfortable being single, you will not have successful relationships. Period.

Thu May 17, 2012 1:19 pm

Vexer

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Shade wrote:

Vexer wrote:

you can't tell someone your true feelings all at once or you'll come across as desperate, which can be a turn-off for many people

That's not the totality of what I'm saying, though... I'm saying that most of the time those aren't you're real feelings. You believe that they are, of course. But maturity is understanding that you're not actually in love with someone who you are in a new relationship with. You can't be. It's infatuation... which is not bad, but should not be totally trusted either.

Vexer wrote:

I do agree with you that the best thing to do after a failed relationship is to try and look for another one

I totally disagree, I think that's usually the worst thing you can do. Until and unless you are 100% comfortable being single, you will not have successful relationships. Period.

Oh i'm perfectly fine being single and right now i'm in no rush to look for a new relationship, i'm just saying that it's good to always be open to new relationships.

Thu May 17, 2012 1:29 pm

PeachyPete

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

Vex, there's a pretty big difference between being open to new relationships and attempting to find a new relationship after a breakup. I'm sure you probably know this, but it does sound like you're calling them the same thing, which is confusing.

Thu May 17, 2012 2:06 pm

Timmy Shoes

Re: Your Thoughts on Suicide

I never said jumping into the next relationship was the answer, I said getting back into the normal swing of their life (sans girlfriend/boyfriend) was. I know I used the phrase "jumping back on the horse," but I didn't mean it in the sense of jumping headfirst into a new relationship. Rebounding usually isn't fun for any party involved.

I do, however, think a little frivolous/spontaneous sex wouldn't hurt. Maybe Pedro should be his wing man and go out hunting for a one night stand. Then again, given his friend's vulnerability at the current moment, that might not be the greatest idea, either.

Vexer wrote:

You can believe whatever you want about me, I really don't care what you think, but I have been in relationships before, none of which I regreted in any way, was I let down that the relationships didn't work out? Of course, but I never once even considered suicide an option, nor would I ever get intoxicated over something like that(my family has a pretty bad history of alcoholism, several of my relatives have died because of it, I don't want to be next on the list) I do agree with you that the best thing to do after a failed relationship is to try and look for another one, i'm always on the lookout for new relationships because I know there's no point in lamenting over the past.

Please, don't take what I said as a personal assail. It's just that, the way you described your relationships in that post (the words that I bolded in my response) sounded more like the relationship one has with their grandma than a romantic one. Either that or some sort of Brady Bunch-eqsue warped TV version of a wholesome relationship that doesn't reflect reality at all.

Everyone has their own healing process; like most things it chalks up to the individual. Lets not lose sight of the fact that this thread was created by Pedro because he was seeking advice.

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