Eons ago in McLennan County, I tried a few DWIs against an old attorney who (intentionally) described the HGN test as the Horizontal Gaze Nasturtium test. (As Dave Barry says, I am not making this up!). Happily, I came out of the trials with him smelling like a rose. That attorney, may he rest in peace, is now pushing up daisies.

A lawyer recently sent me a letter requesting the return of seized funds because there "is no connexity between the money and drugs." Since the lawyer was from Louisiana, I even checked Black's dictionary on that one, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Okay, here's my contribution... A caseworker recently called and said that a pervert she was dealing with wanted to take a lie detective test. Is that a test given by a perjury investigator????????????