no, no, that is the man from Norton Antivirus that helped me after I waited a total of 45 minutes on hold and they tried to tell me that I would have to pay $50 extra for the year to get updates!

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, tomorrow doesn't look good either.
_______________________________________
"You didn't know of the magical powers of the break stick? It's up there with genies and Harry Potter as far as magic levels go." SisMorphine 01/07/07

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) <><> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt <><> Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain <><> The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns <><> Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge <><> Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain <><> By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates <><> I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx <><> My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante <><> I have never hated a man enough to give back his diamonds. - Zsa Zsa Gabor <><> Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine <><> My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield <><> Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan <><> Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. - Joe Namath <><> I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope <><> I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - W. C. Fields <><> We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress - Will Rogers <><> Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill <><> Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller <><> By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere - Billy Crystal <><> And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy, so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place....smack his butt again!'

A duded-up city Harley rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with hisarms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it,the newby rider bravely asks the old biker,'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?' The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his headtoward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashionsreaches over and slides the bowl into his place and startsspooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottomof the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chili.The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too......'