and working in the volunteer sector? erm..that most charities are crooked! and you arent allowed to say disabled or anything like that XD

I recently went into my university disability support office for an assesment, and I was in the flow of discussing something with the person in charge of my case and said something like "Oh yes, under those conditions my eyes are totally normal"
The whole room fell silent and looked at me, and she wispered "we don't use the n word here."

...well how else am I supposed to describe it?

I feel your pain! im very sensitive to any kinds of disability but yeah XD we had to call people service users...in so much that they use the service of a wheelchair, carer ect XD you know what I hate more than ignorance? literal ambiguity XD haha

Oh yes, political correctness is insane.

And on a similar note: if someone trips over something that's not even a cm tall and there isn't a "please mind the step" sign, it's totally your fault. 100% your fault. And if they've gashed their head open cause they didn't put their hands out to save themselves? Well, that's your fault too.

From working as a teacher's assistant at a primary school (year 1 and 6)...

- A kid's birthday is NOT good for a teacher. Cake = mess + horrific change of schedule + 20 five-year-olds getting sugar rushes. (but when we were their age, a birthday was the best thing ever. CAAAAAKE!!! 8D)

- When the kids start singing to the radio and 'S&M' comes on, you'd be surprised. (Although the words are censored, the kids still know them. And yes, they are five year olds.)

-If you ask the kids to call you 'Miss Lisa', you will be forever known as 'Miss Lucy'. (my real name is Chalisa, but they had trouble pronouncing it. I'd let them use my nickname, Kai, but 'Miss Kai' sounds a bit weird)

-When the teacher is a Japanese man and an innocent kid asks if his family survived the tsunami, even a knife couldn't cut through the awkwardness.

-1+1= 23

-1p and 2p coins won't help a child solve math.

-Kids cry when they don't get stickers. (I had to learn that the hard way.)

-Year sixes no longer require your help. In fact, you could just sit there chatting on Facebook.

-6 year old girls worry about their weight.

-Apparently, Ben 10 is the new Mickey Mouse.

-When you tell of a child for eating glue, their parents will forever hate you.

-There is a future emo kid and a bully in every class.

-When you're asked to show a 'child-friendly animation film' to the class, never choose The Nightmare Before Christmas unless you want half of the class to cry and the rest to go psychopathic.

Apparently 'buy one get one free' means 'The customer will separate this into two transactions so they get more money off when I've already said that you're not allowed to do that'. Seriously, the number of people who say they want two separate transactions (when I tell them that's not how it works) that have a go at me about offers is just over the top. It's not my fault that you can't understand 'You get your cheapest items free'.

Big red SALE signs aren't obvious enough apparently. The number of people who come in and say 'There's a sale on?' astounds me.

Big red SALE signs aren't obvious enough apparently. The number of people who come in and say 'There's a sale on?' astounds me.

Signs are invisible until pointed out by the member of staff. There is a pull sign on the door. They still push. There is a "Do not take Lavender Products past here" sign, they still do. The signs "the garden tours do NOT go to the fields" actually mean "the garden tours are field tours" etc etc etc

EDIT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Sign out of your CI account when you use it on my PC Catnip D<

in year 10 I had work experience and I learned that you must be very very very clean, tidy and smelling nice (not of body odour lol) oh and your hair must be clean and basically alot better than the clients XD

Quote ammersXamphetamine:in year 10 I had work experience and I learned that you must be very very very clean, tidy and smelling nice (not of body odour lol) oh and your hair must be clean and basically alot better than the clients XD

(yeah I worked at the hairdressers for work experience xD)

Ah, work experience. Two weeks of listening to the manager complain endlessly about his nonexistent love life. I miss that. And then when you get back to school, you're greeted by a pile of mock exams (which I didn't study for) and real exams (which I still didn't study for), how nice. XD

She's awesome lol She'd just gotten off the phone to a customer asking every single question she can think of, then talking abut her cats. She wasn't in a good mood. Specially since the office worker kept phoning during that time saying "is she off the phone yet?" despite me going, "she'll call you back when she's done"

- The customers will always ask questions which can be answered by big signs conveniently placed right in front of them.
- People who don't speak English NEVER trust you.
- Old people can be exceptionally rude.
- People will qeue up for freaking AGES at an empty til point, and then try and make you feel guilty when you were at the other end of the shop.
- People will always blame you for company policy.
- If you ask for overtime, you will get precisely the overtime you DIDN'T ask for.
- Apparantly being on tils everytime and working since the shop opened doesn't qualify you for override authorisation.

Working at a Hospital

- Training? Whatsawhat?
- Managers are NOT your friends, not in any way, shape or form.
- People are EXTREMELY two-faced.
- It's amazing how many theatre staff people smoke.
- It's MIND blowing how many doctors/nurses are complete jerks.
- "Talk to us if you want to change your shifts! Only we wont change them."
- You stand out when you're one of 3 people under 40.

Teaching Kids Martial Arts

- Everybody wins!
- The trick to making kids behave is a mixture of keeping them occupied, making it interesting, and not letting on that you can't actually punish them.
- If kids start to suspect as much, your life will become very, very difficult.
- That being said, some kids are great, though!
- Kids will always tell you to try and attack them harder. Never EVER do this.

Working in a Charity shop- Most of the staff are over 60, and being able to use the till with no training impresses them beyond reason.
- Tea is the stuff of gods.
- If you are under 20 all the staff will mother you and all the old ladies will call you gorgeous.
- Old ladies will have racist conversations in front of the til and you just have to smile.
- People will knock clothes on to the floor and not pick them up, or put green clothes back in the pink section without a second glance...
- Most of the day involves sitting behind the till in an empty shop.

Pool lifeguarding:
- people really really don't have a survival instinct/common sense anymore; yes the sign saying no diving in the 2-3 foot deep bit is there so you don't fracture your skull and no your certificate (which you clearly don't have on you) for competition diving is not valid in a standard/open to all pool.
- rich people are rich BECAUSE theyre stingy
- rich people are idiots because they'd rather pay the guy looking after their car 25% more than the one looking after their life
- older women tend to live through their daughters; observe the number of 35-40+ mothers wearing sedate one pieces with kids as young as 6 in skimpy bikinis (no no and just NO! >_< )

Retail/catering:
- people are just as stupid, if not more so, than you can assume them to be. Sometimes they'll infact surprise you by being so so much more stupid than expected (mileage may vary depending on personal levels of cynicism)
- risking a £15k to 30k lawsuit is apparently worth not replacing a £60 piece of protective gear every 3 months like it needs to be.
- Food Hygiene and Health&Safety regs are only like rough guidelines that don't matter...right?

General:
- yes if you report every little infraction of company policy by all your coworkers, they WILL do it back and chances are theres more of them.

Quote Crazedteensie:Working in a Charity shop- Most of the staff are over 60, and being able to use the till with no training impresses them beyond reason.
- Tea is the stuff of gods.
- If you are under 20 all the staff will mother you and all the old ladies will call you gorgeous.
- Old ladies will have racist conversations in front of the til and you just have to smile.
- People will knock clothes on to the floor and not pick them up, or put green clothes back in the pink section without a second glance...
- Most of the day involves sitting behind the till in an empty shop.

I agree 100% esp where I work and you forgot to mention there is always one person who stinks of pee.

Pee or some other strange smelling substance...

alchol ,..... ¬.¬ ive had that at 10 am and i was like "sir have you been drinking because you cant even buy alchol till 11am" guys response, "ive not been to sleep"......... i wondered why he was waiting outside of the shop for 1 hour just to buy a paper lol.

Quote ammersXamphetamine:in year 10 I had work experience and I learned that you must be very very very clean, tidy and smelling nice (not of body odour lol) oh and your hair must be clean and basically alot better than the clients XD

(yeah I worked at the hairdressers for work experience xD)

I'd have thought that that would be pretty standard for any job lol

General tidbits from paid work and placements:

- If you tell a child not to do something, they will do it and they will laugh whilst doing it.
- Running after a small child is pointless because when you get to where they were, they will be where you were just at.
- Handing out stickers on sports day is like manning the doors at a designer sample sale.
- Year 2 pupils are surprisingly devious in ways to avoid doing their work.
- While working with individuals with 'special needs' can show you how kind and selfless some people are, it can also show you how unforgiveably ignorant and despicable others are.
- Spinach is not like cabbage.
- Sometimes, 'fresh eggs' means that they have literally just come out of a chicken.
- Wine and cheese societies will always get a laugh from sixth form/college students.
- You can spend the better part of half an hour explaining all the academic merits of a university and all of its facilities, but all anyone is ever interested in is the student's union and what sort of offers local bars and clubs have.
- It is entirely possible to be paid for getting hand massages and eating sandwiches.

1.) Working in a bakery is not what you expect
2.) Putting Jam in Doughnuts and making gingerbread men? Forget it lad, get into that sandwich room. Now.
3.) You have to have a license to listen to the radio on the shop floor
4.) Put the minimum amount of spread in every sandwich, 1mm of butter per half should do about right....
5.) Labeling sandwiches wrong is not good form or a good for diets ;c
6.) The average sandwich maker spends approximately 7 hours each day standing in exactly the same spot, three hours before lunch and 4 hours after
7.) Application of above practice results in cast iron tree-trunk legs, allowing you to stand anywhere for any amount of time in relative comfort
8.) listening to Heart FM or indeed any music-based radio station all day makes you insane 8DDDDD

Quote J-Po:alchol ,..... ¬.¬ ive had that at 10 am and i was like "sir have you been drinking because you cant even buy alchol till 11am" guys response, "ive not been to sleep"......... i wondered why he was waiting outside of the shop for 1 hour just to buy a paper lol.

I got that all the time in a local shop I used to work in. all the alcy's used to try and buy drink at 7am when the shop opened and we have the same argument every day. They must also suffer from memory loss If we had to repeat ourselves every morning

Past years doing volunteer work at school, I don't think it counts as work, but I've learnt some stuff too. XD

-Volunteer work is NOT optional when you're a prefect. Now get your ass to work.
- You only get a fancy tie when you become a prefect. The power and respect is just a myth.
- Kids hate prefects. Get ready for some swearing.
- doing volunteer work equals getting paid in Robinsons juice.
- Being a prefect = +100 points on your college application. Yay!

Honestly guys, this is awesome. I didn't think this thread would make it past the first page but you've all tickled me something serious.

If I laugh any harder I'll have a six pack within the week and dust where my ribs and spine should be. My upper body will be entirely supported on a network of overdeveloped belly muscles.

In my career path, I've worked as the following:
- In a cinema
- In an Islamic Accountants (try doing the filing for these guys. There's a whole cabinet dedicated to "Muhammed".
- As a postman
- At KFC
- In a steel mill
- in a call centre
- Art and Design teacher for a summer school

(I'm 26 and I've had more jobs you can shake a stick at) and that's the ones I can remember.

But this catches my attention;

Quote Han Hyuga:

Teaching Kids Martial Arts

- Everybody wins!
- The trick to making kids behave is a mixture of keeping them occupied, making it interesting, and not letting on that you can't actually punish them.
- If kids start to suspect as much, your life will become very, very difficult.
- That being said, some kids are great, though!
- Kids will always tell you to try and attack them harder. Never EVER do this.

I've led a couple of under 15's classes in kung fu. I've found the more you make a divide between serious and fun the more attention they pay. I went from dead serious to making them all laugh and back again multiple times. The work/reward method is very good for kids.

Today I conducted an interview for the role of my assistant. At the moment I'm borrowing someone else's when they're on a project, she's good but not what I need.

Anyway.

Here's what I learned from the Employer's side of recruitment.
- Agencies will send you lots and lots of people, regardless of the very strict requirements.
- Agencies only tell the very best of candidates on how to give good interviews.
- The other 20+ candidates I will see will do one or more of the following in an interview:
#Flirt with me. (Young ladies, ladies, young men. No men so far, but I'm not ruling it out yet)
#Bribe me.
#Subtly threat me.
#Lie.
#Lie badly.
#Get far too comfortable. Woman, put your suit jacket back on, and men; it's NOT so hot in here to take your tie off mid-convo and wear it like a pigmy scarf. You are not George Clooney, get out.
#Ask for a ciggy break
#Make offensive jokes
#Act like they should be MY boss
#Tell me that their parents will literally kill them if they don't get the role.
#Cry
#Get angry
#Drink the coffee/tea/water we offer as a courtesy within 2 minutes and ask for another, and if we have biscuits.
#Get quite turned on by the cake days we have
#Say the same stock responses from every major recruitment website
#Slouch
#Give a very sloppy/weak handshake
#Talk about how they love to get "propa lashed innit"
#Turn up drunk/hung over/stoned
#Ask if there's any disability allowance/extra pay/ special circumstances when they're NOT disabled, just overweight.

And my favourite;
#Say right off the bat "I don't want this Job I'm only here because jobcentre said they'll stop paying me dole if I don't come" Well done, you low expectation waste of oxygen.