Translation lost in ancient photocopier malfunction

The Gravity Theory of Hyperboil-3

It’s a well known fact on the planet Hyperboil 3 that gravity only pulls down on an object if that object wishes to go up. Conversely, if an object wishes to stay down, gravity will immediately relinquish all grasp on it.

This theory came about in an interesting way. One day a young scientist named Mr. Opendour was trying to fly. He made formulas, he built machines, but nothing ever worked. Mr. Opendour could not fly.

On this same day a young woman named Macie McMacie was walking down the street. She was wearing a skirt and was deathly afraid that if she left the ground it would flip up and expose her underwear to the world. It was inevitable that Macie would, on that day, fly, and she did, quite against her better judgment. Just as Macie said, “I do hope I do not fly today,” her feet left the ground and she was soaring above the astonished crowds.

A few days later Macie McMacie and Mr. Opendour were both studied by Dr. Randomguessanddon’tcheck, or Dr. Happy for short. Dr. Happy decided that the reason Macie had flown was that she had not wanted to fly. The reason Mr. Opendour hadn’t flown was that he wanted to do so.

Macie was executed for breaking the laws of gravity and challenging the peoples’ views on reality. Mr. Opendour and Dr. Happy shared a Noble Idea With No Real Life Application Prize, and those who survived the next years’ infamous Rocky Mountain Oyster Shortage were wiped out a few years later by a race of super-intelligent space seeds.