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уторак, 30. јун 2015.

A Peek Through the Mikulj Keyhole

Time,
the age-old, unattainable pointer to our ceaseless pursuit of it, rushes on
with inexorable speed. The days fly by, stringing along like glass beads which
one careless move could turn into dust.
Life passes us by in our unending longing to catch up with TIME, a
longing that causes an exhaustion that catches up with us, while we are not even
aware that this exhaustion is from that running with the goal to conquer time. This
race, however, is futile and lost before it has even begun, for this time which
we pursue, the time we live in, is a time of haste and forgetfulness, the time
of the forerunners of antichrist, which consumes a person entirely, eagerly
catching him up in its hellish embrace.Led by one passion or another, we accept every compromise with this
time, making every excuse to our nearly-entirely-stifled conscience with heaps
of proofs of our frailty and powerlessness.

The
question, thus, arises: Do we Orthodox Christians also yearn and hasten after
this time, the time of antichrist, his forerunners and followers?Have we also been dissipated into this world,
or better said, have we as well given ourselves over willingly to this world,
even if we say that we are not of this world? Do we not also bring proofs before
our sad conscience of our inability to oppose the spirit of this time?It is sad to admit the affirmative answer to
this question, but it is our reality.This
is what we are, we contemporary Orthodox Christians.We cannot forget the Lord’s thunderous words through St. John the Theologian in the book of Revelation:

“I know thy works, that thou hast a name that
thou livest, and art dead. Be
watchful... for I have not found thy works perfect before God. Remember therefore how thou hast received and
heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will
come on to thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon
thee.” (Rev. 3:1-3)

Do
these words not apply to us, and do they not speak of our near future?

What
brings us to write such words?It is
this very future, which we fear.

The
life of modern man, of a Christian, examined through the Mikulj keyhole, as through a spyglass, is stripped of all falsehoods which one would hide
behind, without which one must admit to oneself what one is really like,
however much this hurts our vanity.It
is not easy to admit to oneself the emptiness of one’s life until now, for a
man always wishes to accomplish one goal or another, hopes to attain “success”
in this life. It is hard to admit to oneself that one has aimed for the wrong
things all of one’s life and suffered defeats, all the while thinking that they
were victories.It is not easy to face
up to every excuse one made for not turning to God. It is not easy to face up
to every compromise which we made with the world, to every idea, desire, deed,
and word (all of which are truly numerous) which are entirely in opposition to
the spirit of Orthodoxy.

The
examination of one’s conscience is a very serious and responsible task.For the weak, vainglorious man of today to
face himself and admit his falls is equivalent to a miracle of God.What was once considered basic Christian
activity is now seen as something impossible for us; it seems nearly mad for
anyone to venture into such an “ascesis.” Thus we only talk about the labors of
the holy fathers and mothers and admire their loftiness, but we ourselves
cannot find the strength to imitate their works nor even at least to adopt
their ideals. We would rather give ourselves up to the spirit of these times
which mercilessly crush every lofty Christian ideal of an angelic life through
the fulfilling of the Gospel’s commandments. Unfortunately, we would rather
remain wallowing in the mud of our sins.Any loftier Christian life we lump into the same category as some nice
fairytales, which no one today could bring to life. Thus the days pass us by in
negligence of our salvation.Though we
are called living, in spirit we have long been dead.

Life spent in a monastery offers one
the chance to see his sinfulness, which implies the effort to correct oneself.
Only in a monastic community can we finally realize what a distorted view we
have of reality. Only then can all of
our inviolable attitudes in defense of ourselves and our vanity be knocked
down. Only then can our untouchable Self be quashed a bit and the little
Christian inside begin to cry and grow. Certainly, all of this only happens
inasmuch as we have a clear picture of why we joined the monastery and what the
goal of dwelling within it is. Insomuch that this is not clear to us, so much
will we bear the light yoke of Christ with difficulty, for we have not accepted
the logic which is not of this world, and thus we in fact take on the heavy
yoke of the world, under which our legs tremble and give way.

It is a great honor and dignity to be
a monk. The Lord, however, did not
choose us because we are better than others; on the contrary, seeing our
weakness and inability to resist the spirit of these times, He has removed us
to a peaceful haven where the raging winds of the world which lies in evil do
not blow. The war that we wage for the
salvation of our souls is not in the least bit easy or harmless. Still, in comparison with the fight which
people living in the world have, it is significantly easier. All we have to do is obey the rules of the
monastery. If a monk keeps and strictly
fulfills the blessings he is given, it is impossible for him to experience
serious falls, as long as he confesses honestly (which implies that he is
keeping watch over himself and his thoughts).
We have chosen a path which is more rarely taken, straight and narrow,
strewn with the many thorns of our vanity and crowded about with the dense
thickets of our pride. Yet a small ray
of Christ’s light reaches us through our spiritual father or mother to whom we
confess our thoughts and who keeps tireless watch over us. A monk’s path is made much easier if he
completely gives himself over to the spiritual guidance of his abbot (or in our
case, abbess), for she wages war for us, with our cooperation. So the work of the salvation of our souls is
perfected, through the labor of our spiritual mother who lays down her life for
her sheep.

Many
ask us why, and to many people it is not clear why we have chosen to live in
such an isolated place, where for a radius of 50 km there are no other residents. Nor can one come to this place with an
ordinary vehicle.The living conditions
are quite difficult, without electricity, water, or telephone.Here the weather conditions are highly
unpredictable, the winds reaching incredible speeds, especially in the winter
months.To many it is baffling how we
can live here in the winter season (which lasts an average of five months), cut
off from the world by snowfalls which become insurmountable.What would happen if someone fell sick, if
someone fell, broke a leg, hand…?It
would be impossible then to reach a doctor or get medicine; in such cases, how
can we be prepared to give ourselves up utterly in God’s hands? For nothing
else remains…

It is in this very self-abandonment
that the goal of our earthly life lies: in the complete abandonment of oneself,
without reserve, to the hands of Our Creator.
Our entire life is an arena in which we train to reach this goal. For that moment is inevitable when we will
have to give up our souls. Will we be
ready in that moment to say, “Into thy hands, O Lord, I commit my spirit”? In the Mikulj arena everything is arranged
with that goal in mind. With this labor,
this ascesis, it is this goal which we hope to attain, with God’s help. The New
Stjenik Monastery is known for its ascetical inclinations, but this does not
mean just an external fulfilling of form, but rather spiritual work which each
one of us must embrace in her heart.
When we have our goal clearly in mind, then even ascesis is not
difficult.

Monastery
life is a fortress in which all for whom life in the world has become too
difficult find shelter. It is a haven for those who have not the strength to
resist the spirit of the times. The monastery offers comfort and protection to
all who are wounded by sins and the world which lies in evil. Rare are those spiritual strong men who can
endure the harsh whipping of the winds of the world. Once, when we had just settled in this holy
place, we sent our spiritual father Bishop Akakije, then still a hieromonk, a
message describing the bad weather on Mikulj and the winds that were blowing at
terrific speed, for at that time this was for us an entirely new experience. He
replied, “As cruel, terrible and unbearable the Mikulj wind is, compared to the
reeking, demonic, overflowing-with-sinful-filth and passionate winds of the
world, it is just a gentle breeze. You
have a peaceful haven from the deadly tempest of the World. The holy Mikulj windy haven is given to you for you never to forget the infernal storms of the world.”

Living quietly and paying no heed to
the wind outside, all is peaceful in our dear sanctuary, except when the
powerful internal winds of our passions start to blow. We do what we can to control them with
fasting, prayer, humility and submission to others, and all the other monastic
good works. The effort to acquire prayer
and Christian virtues, while on the other hand uprooting the sinful habits of
the old man, are our main occupations.
For us weak ones the success in at least one good labor, with God’s
help, is a great deed. Still, just our
heart’s longing to change and sincere repentance for our careless life until now
propitiate the Lord to have mercy and help us, making possible that which was
for our frailty impossible.

If
you take a look from your heart through the Mikulj keyhole, you will see an
entirely different life which takes place in
the world but is not of the world.
The more closely you look, the more you will see that monastic logic is
entirely the opposite from the worldly logic to which you are accustomed.You will realize that such a life demands
much renunciation, which is difficult and painful, for it demands that we
renounce the world to which we were so attached. In the end, when you have
entirely come to know the depth of Christianity and monasticism, you will
realize that the same thing is being asked of you:to cast out from yourself the World which has
occupied your soul and to fight with all of your might with us against the
spirit of these times.Only in this way
will it be possible for us to survive in community in the power of the Holy
Spirit, which gives us the strength to endure to the end in the battle against
sin and the World within ourselves.

It
is up to you to choose from which side of the keyhole you would like to regard the world…
or you can just close your eyes and continue living as you have until now.