Beauty from Ashes

“I am honored and humbled to be here. I have no formal training, no education in ministry, leadership or public speaking. What I do have is a testimony and story about how God has been molding me and equipping me to be a servant for His kingdom.”

I spoke these words in Cap Haitian, Haiti where I recently had the opportunity to speak to women ministers and give my testimony at a church service. It’s not any education or training that qualifies me to share; it’s a story of rising up from the ashes and coming alive.

My story starts nine years ago when I was pregnant with our second child. I had the feeling that something wasn’t right. I went to the doctor where I received the news that forever changed our lives. “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat.”

I was 8 months pregnant. I delivered our daughter Emma almost 12 hours later. The same day we met our little girl was the same day we said goodbye. We walked out of the hospital with empty arms and shattered hearts.

I was a stay at home mom with a one-year-old at home. My husband started working long hours and drinking. I was alone, gravely wounded, and began to shut down. When something like this happens, you are brought to your knees and it’s hard to recover. The city you live in, the car you drive, the amount of money you have, there is not an earthly thing that can fix the gaping hole in your heart and soul.

God calls me to respect my husband and let him lead me.

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24

How does a wife do this when your husband doesn’t know how to lead you? I waited for my husband to lead me and wanted him to fix the hole in my heart, but that was not fair, because he was wounded himself. And if I am being honest, I didn’t really believe it was possible to recover from this. I remember telling my husband, “I can feel Jesus wrap His arms around me and how much He loves me, and you are standing right next to me, but I feel no emotion from you.”

God was my shelter, and He began the work of putting the pieces of my heart back together.

I can look back now and see how God was truly protecting me, my heart, and our marriage. While I was waiting for a miracle to happen, God laid on my heart that I was supposed to start an organization. I didn’t know what that looked like and was overwhelmed at the thought of starting something so ambitious.

Emma’s Footprints, a 501c3 nonprofit organization, was founded to support families who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. Our goal is to provide compassionate guidance, resources and personalized services, including referrals and financial assistance as families begin this difficult journey.

Our goal is to simply serve families – and particularly mothers – during their times of grief and healing. We expect our group to evolve over time, but right now we are exactly where we want to be: in the service of the brokenhearted.

From the beginning, Emma’s Footprints’ vision has been to establish supportive relationships with mothers wounded by infant and pregnancy loss. Our intention is to start those relationships by meeting the tangible and often unexpected needs that arise during such difficult times.

Almost three years later, we have served over 150 families. I also have the privilege of climbing down into the trenches with these families and sharing who Jesus is and how he has healed my heart and give families the hope that He can do the same for them.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

I would read this verse over and over when we were first starting Emma’s Footprints because this is what I was living out. What a promise from The Lord and I have the privilege of this truth every time we get a call to help a family. I have become a better person and my heart is so full of joy every day because of what He has done for me and how much He loves me.

The Lord uses our children to teach us about ourselves and in my story, He used our daughter to help me fulfill my mission here on earth. I am so proud to be Emma’s mom and be a part of the legacy she is leaving for generations to come.

Jesus has been reminding me lately that He has already defeated the grave, and I am no longer defined by Emma’s death, but by the eternal life that is found in Jesus.

While Emma has been keeping me busy these last three years, God was busy restoring my marriage. This fall my husband and I will be celebrating our 10-year anniversary. I love him more now than the day I married him. We were blessed with two more children after we lost Emma, and now have three beautiful, healthy boys at home. Our home and our hearts have been restored and Jesus has truly made beauty from our ashes.

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One Comment

Hi, I just wanted to say hello. We share the same name……I’m Tracy Daley and I too, have suffered a horrible and tragic loss. My son.There are no words to tell you or explain the pain. so I wont even try. Your name just caught my eye, so I thought that I would connect with you : )

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The On Coming Alive Project is a movement of people rising from the ashes and coming alive. The project features a diverse group of stories on the topics of abuse, addiction, death, depression/anxiety, divorce, domestic violence, illness, rape, and suicide. On Coming Alive was created as a platform for those who have suffered to share their stories of survival and their wisdom with the world.