Meet Hyannis, Massachusetts' Sandeep “Sunny” Singh. He works two jobs, helps his mom pay her bills, and just got kicked to the curb by his girlfriend. A few days ago, he was running late to one of those jobs, and he asked his sister to pick up a few lottery tickets. Jackpot. The 22-year-old soon realized he held one of the lucky tickets, worth $30.5 million.

His press conference is a thing of beauty—a crash course on how to rub success into the girl that just dumped you. He essentially does everything but say, “Yep, probably gonna go lounge in Tahiti for a while. Maybe buy some champaigne, cavier, international escorts. God, no, that old hag isn't coming with.”