Friday, July 20, 2012

Sadly, I'm More of a SabreTooth Than a Cougar

Yesterday. I was nonchalantly lunching at my desk in the staffroom quietly checking on the price of a new Diane Von Furstenberg silk jersey wrap dress (mostly $345USD) when The Duchess, who sits to my right & who I can't see because a bookcase conveniently obscures her, burst out, 'Are you ever going to write another blog entry again?'
And then Trixie, who sits to my left said 'Yes, I was wondering that too. You know that it's been nearly a month since you bothered to write anything?'
'Nonsense', I retorted. 'Why, you obviously haven't read my latest blog featuring Holiday Snaps, which incidentally you took'.
'Yes, but that was on the 29th June. It's almost the end of July'.
I checked & to my horror she was right.
She's always right. That's why we're friends.
So, I thought I'd better bite the bullet & write something to go with all these photos of me in various locations with pretty much the same expression on my face whether I'm at the beach or standing in front of a huge display of Colourful Thongs.

In the Premier Photo, I'm at Maroubra Beach in Sydney with AJ. We're not in Swimwear because it is winter. Everyone else at the beach had clothes on too. So it was not just us.
I would like to point out that I'm wearing one of my favourite new Jewelry Items from 'BednobsEtc', a v. large black enamel strawberry with diamantes where the green bit should be. I'm not sure what that part of the strawberry is actually called as I'm not good with technical terms. The stalk? The cap?
Anyway, I love the strawberry & you might just be able to make it out if you look closely.

Next I'm at the Art Gallery in Sydney viewing the Biennale with Trixie. The theme of it is 'All Our Relations'. Of course it's obvious that this enormous pile of thongs fits perfectly into the theme as all the thongs, even though they are diffferent colours are all related to each other. Just like us Humans.
Talk about joining the dots. It's just so easy.
There were many other exciting exhibits on show, including an enormous grid of three cities joined together made entirely in situ from talcum powder. There was a large sign up next to it warning everyone Not to Sneeze.
And then there was a replica of a room in an Asian city which was entirely made of embroidery. It was so realistic, that neither of us noticed.

Meanwhile back at 'BednobsEtc', I'm triumphantly holding up a Real Not Toy Marc Jacobs canvas tote that I purchased for $18 & mistakenly thought would be the panacea for all my woes.Sadly, it wasn't as it's got a rather Workmanlike Feel to it. Besides, the straps aren't quite long enough to use as a shoulder bag which is inconvenient. And then there's the constant stress of having to make sure that the Text is on show at all times as the other side is Blank just like my mind sometimes. I mean, why go to the trouble of having a Marc Jacobs bag without showing off that it is?BTW, I'm standing with Amos, a volunteer at 'Bednobs' who is marvellously dressed just like a character from a Gilbert & Sullivan Opera. Maybe 'The Pirates of Penzance'.On the other hand, I'm dressed for a vigorous saturday morning thrift shopping experience as if I'm about to go cruising a late nite bar all in leather & velvet animal print. I just looked up the dictionary definition of a woman older than a Cougar.
It's SabreTooth.

And then the holidays ended & I had to return to My Rightful Place in the Universe - in front of the Whiteboard. Do note that I'm wearing the exact same 'Jones, New York' lambswool jacket as I was wearing in front of the Colourful Thongs at the Biennele. But this time, I've teamed it with a magnificent royal blue Real Pashmina that my daughter Maeflower brought back from a trip to Nepal last year.

Later on that day I noticed a Strange Phenomenon that seems to be creeping into our Staffroom with alarming frequency. As soon as I noticed it, I demanded that Trixie photograph it for posterity.
Can you see it?
Yes, all three of us - Newly-Married Shrub, Me & Newly-Engaged Dobbo are all wearing the exact same colour top/jacket which is a Shade of Teal. As well, Dobbo & me are both wearing Aubergine dresses.
And, here's the Slightly Creepy part - we Didn't Plan in Advance to do this.

And then the Very Next Day, Shrub & me did it again - a black & white houndstoothy coat/jacket, although I mercifully didn't wear yellow shoes. Goodness, if I did, imagine what the Age Appropriate Police over at Fabulous Over Fifty would Think? I shiver at the thought.

I wish I could think of a Technical Term to describe the phenomenon of co-workers coincidentally wearing the same colours/colour combinations to work. It's a bit like women who live in the same house getting their period at the exact same time. Luckily, that's something I don't have to worry about any more.
So, maybe it's our Unconscious Desire to be Related to each other just like the Giant Pile of Thongs at the Art Gallery?
If you come up with a Term for it, do let me know, I beg you.
The only one I can think of is 'Twinsies' which is a bit lame although it does remind me of the way that Joan Crawford used to dress herself & her adopted daughters in identical outfits for the cameras.

Just to show you my Unfailing Dedication to Trying to Look like a Cougar instead of a SabreTooth, here I am yesterday stretching my Glutes (what a vulgar name for a v. large muscle) at the end of my weekly Boot Camp session at Rushcutter's Bay Park in Sydney. My fellow bootcampers aren't featured in the photo as they'd all collapsed in a heap.

Goody Goody, I'm nearly at the end! V. sooon I can hop into bed & listen on my iPod to Thomas Tallis' 'Spem in Alium', a sixteenth century vocal piece for forty voices that has shot back to the top of the charts because it's heavily mentioned in the hugely successful 'Mommy Porn' book, 'Shades of Grey' that I couldn't be bothered reading but some of my colleagues are.
What a stupid name for a book.
Why not 'Shades of Elephant'?
Before you leave, why not check out My Ear? Camembert, the student who took this photo of it this morning, assured me that it is a v. youthful ear. I was relieved.
But don't just look at the ear, check out what's dangling from the rather saggy lobe - a genuine Versace earring (actually I'm wearing a matching one on the other ear) that I got at BednobsEtc.
I'm thrilled. It makes me feel much more like a Cougar than a SabreTooth.