But that elusive millions seems like such a far reach. Meanwhile, you’re struggling to pay down that debt. Or earn more. Or feel better about your current financial situation.

Listen, you’re not alone. It’s not just me saying it this time.

I’ve asked 30 people to talk about their struggles and crucial mindset shifts they had to make before they were able to master their money.

Ok, maybe I was being a bit selfish asking them because it’s a question I’m going to explore in my newly launched podcast Beyond The Dollar. But the lessons and a-ha moments I’ve gotten are too good not to share with y’all

One of my biggest money aha moments happened in 2017 when I realized I had to shift my focus from managing money to earning more money. Up until that point, I thought management was the most important aspect – yet I still wasn’t reaching my goals fast enough. It was then that I realized that in order to live the way I wanted, I needed totally shift my focus to earning more.

It was uncomfortable at first because it required taking risks – investing in mentorship again, creating a group coaching program for the first time, asking for a lot more money, going harder with my marketing and making HUGE life decisions – but I did it anyway.

Fast forward a few months and five-figure months are becoming the norm, I moved into my dream apartment and I’m having a lot more fun – all while still saving and investing. Now whenever I feel out of my comfort zone I just say to myself “Remember, you can always earn more.”

The shift happened when I started asking myself “what is the need I’m trying to satisfy with the money I’m spending?” If I spend a bunch of money going out to bars, and yet I could have as much fun spending time with my friends at a picnic in the park for way less money, why wouldn’t I do that? Asking myself what the underlying need was helped me get much more intentional with my money, and got me a much higher ROH (return on happiness) for my money.

I changed my mindset about money because I got too addicted to shopping. This was when I had my first job straight out of college and I had more money than I could have ever imagined. Every payday, I would end up going to the mall and buying crap that I didn’t need.

Soon enough, I realized I was living paycheck to paycheck because of my shopaholic tendencies.

I started reading more personal finance books on how to curb my spending. Without that little episode in my life I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Now, when I shop, it is for something that we need, and well, I also stock pile on non-perishable items that are on sale. Heck, we make it a point to not pay full price for most things anymore!

For me, my mindset shift came when I realized what money did – it bought freedom and flexibility. I ended up starting my career in a job that wasn’t a great fit for me, but because of student loans, I had to stick it out for 3 years before I could make a switch. Once I realized that money bought my freedom, I realized that I needed to go all-in with understanding how money works.

My aha moment came about a bit differently. I remember paying bills and noticing how I was pushing off payments, yet again and trying to juggle all the balls in the air. I kept thinking we HAD to find a way to make more money. This was no longer working and was absolutely exhausting. It also happened to be on the day when my husband told me to go to dinner with some friends.

During that meal, we started talking about money. Our son’s godmother talked about how they were getting out of debt. I knew they made what we did. I realized in that moment that this was not that we needed to make money, we just had to figure out how to take back control. I went home and shared what I learned with my husband and we began our debt free journey the next day – and have never looked back.

Sometimes, the strangest things happen that open your eyes. For me, a simple dinner night out with friends changed our lives forever.

One day I came home, and my ex fiancée’s bags were packed. She decided to move to another state with her mom because we were having financial issues. Although we were not married, our finances were tied together. Her leaving meant I would no longer be able to afford to live in the apartment by myself. As a result of this terrible experience, I decided to never shack up with someone again. It is a terrible idea to move in with someone to split the cost of living. If you can’t afford the place on your own, don’t move in with a potential life partner!

My ‘aha’ moment when I realized I needed to master my money was cat food. As in, I didn’t want to be eating cat food when I got older.

I don’t say that to be casual at all – it’s a serious concern for me.

I’m an only child and my husband and I don’t plan on having children. Therefore, I don’t have the “safety net” that others may have with children checking on them when they get older.

I realized a few years ago no one is going to take care of me when I get older (as, statistically speaking, I’ll outlive my husband) so I have to be proactive now so that I can afford a nice nursing home when I need one.

I guess it’s a little weird for someone my age (I’m 30) to be thinking this far ahead, but my parents had me late in life so I already know a lot about quality nursing homes vs. very bad ones, and I know exactly what I envision my future quality of life being when I’m 70+.

When I first graduated college I didn’t fully understand how interest rates and debt worked. It was super confusing so I avoided it. It wasn’t until I had been making payments for a while that I realized my balance wasn’t really moving. I finally became tired of making all these payments without the balance moving and set aside a whole day to learn about interest rates and calculate my pay off date. I took it as a challenge to beat that date and began to make 10 times my minimum payments to move the debt. Once I did that I was able to pay off over $20,000 of debt in one year.

I realized I had to shift my mindset when I was still part-time employed, broke, living with my parents, and had a two year old baby. At that point I set out to learn as much as humanly possible within a 12 month period to set out and start my own social media marketing firm. Two years (now almost three) into it, I’ve done pretty damn good. I left my desk job in 2015 and by December 2017 I have tripled my income and can afford all the specialized therapy my son needs.

I will never forget. It was 10 years into my marriage when it really hit home that not only did I have a negative mindset around money, but the extent which it was impacting our financial life. After years of doing all the things the financial experts told me I saw how little the needle had moved. We were still in debt, our bank accounts still looked the same, we continued to deplete our emergency funds and we even tapped into our retirement a couple of times. Then what divine timing when the book by T. Harv Eker called The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind crossed my path and marked the beginning of the transformation of our financial life. We have been better for it and have not looked back.

Investing and growing your wealth doesn’t work the way it’s commonly taught. Instead, it’s an actuarial discipline determined by the mathematical expectancy and future value equations. This isn’t just a non-readable slogan. This is the math of how money works. It’s inviolable. That means all of your investment strategy and personal financial management is ruled by this math. One of the important implications is how you can tilt the expectancy equation in your favor through disciplined risk management. When you understand this deeply it changes how you manage your personal finances, your investments, and your life.

My aha moment came just a few months before college graduation. After spending my entire undergraduate career preparing to go to medical school, I realized that I would have to go into debt just to pay for the application process. Having grown up in a debt-burdened family, I knew I didn’t want to go down the same path. So I applied to finance jobs on Wall Street instead and committed to learning how to manage money and how to make it grow. Since deciding to be proactive instead of reactive with my money, my mindset has never been the same

My aha money moment came once I got a little woo woo and made a vision board. Though creating a board and staring it wasn’t enough to make things happen. I took it a step further and translated the ideas on the board into actionable items. For instance, there’s a swanky hotel about an hour away that serves as what I call a ‘summertime’ getaway in the winter. There’s 10,000 square foot solarium, indoor pool surrounded by palm trees. A day after putting that on my board, I called and made reservations to stay there with my family.

I felt more motivated to save for a goal this way. I knew that if I estimated the cost of the trip and tucked money away for it, I could experience fun-filled bucket list adventures such as going to a musical on Broadway or attending a big sporting event. If that meant skipping dinner and the movies a few times until the trip, it didn’t feel like deprivation. I felt like I was creating a path to spend my money on things that were important to me.

My mindset shift happened when I realized that stuff didn’t equal success. This faulty thinking is what caused me to go deep into debt to buy things, like high end handbags, that I didn’t need in order to prove that I was successful to the people around me. Once this mindset shift occurred my husband and I were able to plow through $200,000 in debt.

My biggest aha-moment that led to a shift in mindset about money, that it’s just a tool. I grew up hearing “we can’t afford that” and “money doesn’t grow on trees” on a regular basis. I used to view money as something only for the rich. I became passionate about personal finance and figuring out how to become rich. As it turns out, many people I thought were rich were just in a mountain of debt. Those who were truly rich had learned to use money as a tool. When I adopted this same mindset, it changed everything for my finances and my future. Now, I tell my money where to go and what to do and the results have been an instant return on investment.

As an immigrant child my parents always taught me to save and negotiate everything. However, at the time everything was done manually and you had to consciously make decisions with money. The automating of savings was accidental but as I look back that decision has allowed me to achieve massive success in spite of me doing stupid with money! Automate and forget – Automate paying yourself first and forget about the money you are setting aside. Over time it will compound and grow and the next thing you know you’re a millionaire!

Growing up, I was taught by my dad that in order to make money I had to work a lot. So in college, I had a resume writing service. My rate was low compared to the competition. Had too much business. And I soon found out the hard way, making money depended on me. Working a lot. To make a long story short, I got burned out. From this experience, I learned the value of making money work for you- not the other way around. So I went into real estate investing. Though I do work and put time to manage my business, it’s not dependent on me. Obligating others to pay me in exchange for a place to live has given me a great lifestyle. One where I have the time to do the things I want to do, not have to do.

One of my big “aha money moments” actually occurred to me about a year ago. I was waffling between staying at my day job or quitting to focus on my online business. One of my biggest concerns was that it was irresponsible of me to leave a well-paying, secure job for the unknown. Also, I always had this idea in my head that self-employment meant living on a tight budget, having no financial security, and would put a big black mark on my resume preventing me from ever getting hired again.

Still, in my gut, I knew I needed to do it. And I did. A year later I know I made the right choice, and all of my fears were proved wrong. If anything I felt more financially secure. Instead of relying on just one paycheck from my employer, I had 7 different income streams. And I knew that if I needed to earn extra money, there was a handful of things I could do to increase my revenue. Did it put a big black mark on my resume? If anything, if I were to go back into the corporate world, I’d be even more qualified to pursue higher-level jobs from all of my experience and projects I’ve been able to accomplish.

Not only that, I earned more on my own than I did at my day job! That motivated me to work even harder, take bigger risks and set myself up for success.

What’s Holding You Back?

I know those negative money beliefs are hard to get rid of. I also know that you’re probably feeling like you can’t relate, that perhaps your day will never come.

Do you wish you can save more money? Or heck, earn enough so you can finally quit your soul sucking job? Or finally pay down your debt?

The problem isn’t that you can’t solve these problems. You know what you want. It’s just that you can’t seem to get out of your own way.

Maybe there’s not enough time in the day to sit down and look over all your financials.

Maybe when you do, your kid decides to scream on the top of your lungs, you lose your train of thought.

Maybe, just maybe, you’re so tired (like deep-down-in-your-core tired) that it takes all the effort you have to even wake up, let alone find the time to do your own thing.

The truth is that change is hard. Sometimes, too hard. I know I have days where I wonder how I’m going to get it all done. In fact, I burned out halfway last year. It was as if I would take one step forward in my finances, then I would have to take two steps backward.

Enter, the Money Journal Experiment

I was desperate to find a better way, so I forced myself to sit down and carve out some time to think about my financial life. Granted, I do check my bank statements and talk about with my husband, but I wasn’t giving myself enough time to think about the way I was earning my money and any residual negative feelings I had about certain events that happened last year.

I’ve written journals many times before and always abandoned it. I was a few seconds from leaving the post when I read this:

Your journal is not only where you record your insights and inspiration, but it’s where those insights become solidified and real. Your journal is where you begin thinking deeply about your insights and ideas, and where you strategize and plan the execution of those insights and ideas.

*ding!* A light bulb went off in my head. What if I use a journal to only write about my thoughts on money? Could this be the answer to my anxiety?

The Exact Steps I Took

First, I got a journal (sorry, feeling cheeky today). I had a ton of proofs from when I launched my money coloring notebook, so I thought it’d a good one to use for my experiment.

I’m not going to make you read through Benjamin Hardy’s blog post, so I’ll just mention which bits and pieces I used:

I meditated for 5 minutes or listened to a song I liked

I just wrote about any thoughts about money that came to mind for a minimum of 15 minutes. Sometimes I’d pick a random theme (like creative ways to earn more money on the side) but most days, it was a free for all

Afterwards, I forced myself to write down 3 things I was grateful for. I made a rule that I had to write 3 different things every day. One has to be a tangible object or experience.

Every week (or more often if I’m feeling inspired)

As with any experiment, you just have to find the time for it. It sounds totally bonkers, but I knew the only way I would follow through with this habit is to do it in the morning. Those who know me know that I wake up early to do yoga and read. The only way I could really squeeze journaling is to wake up at 4:30 am. No, that’s not a typo.

What I Learned

I’m not going to bore you with everything I did in those 30 days, but it essence it changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I loved the process so much that I plan on continuing this experiment for the foreseeable future.

As for what I learned, boy, were there a ton! I like think of myself as a pretty positive person, but writing down my thoughts about money brought on so many situations and thoughts about my inadequacies with my finances. Reading back on some of these entries, I was shocked at how negative my self-talk had been. No wonder I wasn’t feeling too confident about my finances!

I also noticed at after my journaling sessions that I felt lighter. I realized that I had been holding so much in and didn’t have anyone to really talk though some off the issues I was facing. The money journal became my confidante, a place to share my deepest darkest secrets.

yeah, my handwriting sucks

There was one project in particular I was afraid to start last year and I wasn’t sure why. Through the journal process, I realized it wasn’t a fear of failure, it was a lack of clarity that led me to be so afraid. Because of that, I scheduled out a few hours within the next week to envision what it is that I really wanted. Lo and behold, a few weeks later, I met someone at a conference who would convince me to launch this new project with him (ah, I’m so excited, I can’t wait to share it!).

Releasing these negative feelings inspired me to start writing about every negative money situation I was in. Yes, I talk about this extensively in my free e-course, but I wanted to go even deeper, even revisit some past situations I thought I released.

I started crying after a journaling session when I wrote about a family situation that happened over 10 years ago. I reread the passage I wrote over and over again and worked on forgiving the person, myself and the whole situation until the emotional charges were gone.

Perhaps the coolest benefit of all is that it increased my feelings of “enoughness” when it came to my finances. I’ll admit, I took my amazing life for granted. Halfway throughout the journaling experiment, I tracked every single penny every day that came in, whether it was a gift or straight up money. Keep in mind I do track my income, but not at this level.

I noticed within two weeks my income just kept growing, so much so that I ended having to say no to quite a few opportunities (I know, a good problem to have, right?). As I kept getting more clarity, forgiving and releasing the negativity and looking obsessively at the numbers, I reached two milestones in my business: finally making five figures a month and working with a dream client I’ve been in talks with for a year.

There’s so much more I could say about this, but it’ll end up being an entire novel if I do 🤣

Just Start

Even I’m shocked still how money journaling gave me so much clarity and a renewed sense of confidence around my money. I’m confident it’ll do the same for you. As with any habit, just start small and see where it takes you. Who knows, it could change your life just as much as it did mine.

After numerous fights and negotiating between three translators, four nurses, two obgyns, my husband, my “lawyer” and myself, my son was finally born. Not what I would call the best way to spend my time when I should be focused on giving birth.

You see, I gave birth in Mainland China. Despite going to what was considered the best hospital in town, the staff practically forced me to get a c-section after messing with my body for 26 hours. Thinking that they could take advantage of me because I was an expat and therefore had lots of money, they proceeded to give me numerous injections when I first entered the hospital.

After my son was born, they tried to charge me for extra goods and services. The staff also had me convinced my condition was so severe that I couldn’t leave the hospital just so I would stay longer and rack up a bigger hospital bill.

I’m ready for a break…

Between the 26 hours of intense labor, laying in the hospital bed and arguing about money with the hospital staff, I learned a lot about what it takes to be ruthless with my money.

If You Don’t Stand Up For Yourself, Nobody Else Will

“Oh, it’s to help you relax,” the translator told me when a nurse came into the birthing room with an IV bag and a tray full of needles.

It relaxed me so much it stopped my contractions.

More nurses came in and out of my room over a period of 20 hours. Some drugs were to restart contractions while others stopped them completely. At one point, a translator came in and asked me if I wanted an epidural and a nurse rushed in to administer it right away, even when both my husband and I knew I wasn’t fully dilated enough.

The staff tried to tell me I was fine. I knew I wasn’t. My husband knew I wasn’t. In fact, he was texting so many questions to friends and family that his cell phone ran out of batteries and had to use mine.

Despite my physical and mental state, I managed to asked questions to any translator that walked by my room. If I noticed they felt uncomfortable or that when a doctor gave an answer and the translator hesitated to tell me something (AKA the answers were bullshit), I would repeat the question.

In fact, in the five days after I gave birth, all that came out of my mouth were questions.

I asked if I was going to get charged twice because I had two doctors in my care.

I asked if I really needed to take the medicine they offered me and exactly what it was for.

I asked for a list of items on my bill daily to make sure I was only paying for goods and services I agreed to.

I hated relying on the staff translators (it wasn’t their fault that the hospital was scamming me) so I end up using Google Translate and my limited Chinese speaking skills to communicate. I made sure to observe everyone’s body language to see if they were lying to me. I insisted more than a few times when I noticed they were going to triple charge me for the same doctor.

Yes, I was exhausted, but I ended up saving more than $20,000 because I stood up for myself.

Think about credit card statements you may have overlooked, salespeople who insisted on extended warranties or an insurance salesman who tried to convince you the extra add-ons was worth it.

Go over each and every single bill with a fine tooth comb, ask as many questions as you need to in order to understand what you’re getting into financially.

How much money do you stand to lose if you don’t stand up for yourself?

Your Partner Can Be Your Greatest Ally

It was about 24 hours into my labor that I noticed my husband disappeared. An hour later, good friend of mine appeared out of the blue, tapped me on the shoulder and asked me how I was doing.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “I’m pretending to be your lawyer and threatened to sue the hospital so they would finally stop giving you meds.”

As my husband walked into the room, I asked him if it was safer at this point to get a c-section. His answer? It was my body, my choice.

Lesson learned: Laying there waiting for the whole ordeal to be over, I realized that having trusted people around me helped me through a tough situation. My “lawyer” friend even went so far as to look the part (complete with a power suit and a fancy briefcase) so that the director of the hospital would be too intimidated to take advantage of us. My husband also yelled at the staff around me and refused to pay for extra nurses when none of them really looked after me.

Stay True to Your Values

Mothers who choose to breastfeed know that it’s hard enough to figure out the whole process in the beginning. What made my situation more aggravating was the nurses.

After trying to feed my son for all of five minutes, one of the nurses came in and grabbed him away from me. She mumbled something about needing to check my scar while the sound of his wailing echoed throughout the room. The same scenario happened about three more times before my husband yelled at the lot of them.

We discovered that they sold baby formula at the hospital, which came as no surprise to us as to why they weren’t happy with the breastfeeding.

I’m happy to say I stuck with it and everything turned out fine, saving me money in the process (take that, baby formula!).

Lesson learned: It doesn’t matter what you want to do with your money (as long as it’s legal), it’s your choice. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. After all, you’re the one who earned it.

Instead of flat out saying no, find a way to compromise. You could leave your credit card at home or go to a thrift shop. You could skip the shopping altogether and go to a movie instead.

Staying true to your values isn’t about saving money. It’s about using it as a tool to create happiness. I didn’t want to spend money on baby formula because I believed it was healthier for myself and my baby. Maybe you love to buy food from the farmer’s market because you want to support local businesses. Whatever it may be, staying true to your values will help you make more satisfying money decisions.

It’s OK to Enjoy Yourself

As part of the post-birth package, my son got what was known as a “baby spa.” They would bathe and massage my son and let him swim in a private pool. Afterwards, they’d give him another massage, put lotion on, sing to him and send him on his merry way.

This didn’t come cheap.

It’s a tough life

Remember when I mentioned I scrutinized every item on my hospital bill? I wanted to argue with the staff to get this option taken off but I stopped myself.

I was already stressed to the max and seeing my son kicking his legs and floating around made my heart melt. Those fifteen minutes helped me to cope with my traumatic birth experience. Yeah, it was an unexpected expense, but I paid for it because it was so much fun. Plus, I had the money for it.

The truth of the matter is, we can make do with a little more pleasure in your lives. Doing so will help us cope with those days when nothing seems to be going right.

Because sooner or later, we all reach a point where we’re forced to be ruthless with our money. Salespeople will try to sell you more than what you need, advertisements will convince you to purchase their product so you will be “good enough”, or investment brokers will intimidate you so you’ll put your trust into their services, even if they have no clue what they’re doing.

None of that has to happen. We just need to be smart and stay the course.

Find someone you trust who can help you when you feel like you don’t know what to do with your money. Ask as many questions as you need to get to the heart of the matter, no matter how dumb you think they are. Listen to the wisdom inside of you bursting to come out. Take pleasure in spending money that brings you the most joy.

At the end of the day, money is meant to enhance every facet of your life. You can use it to get what you want and not be run over by a bulldozer. In vulnerable times or not, there are some things worth being ruthless over.

I realize it’s a bit ironic that I’m writing a list post when I said in my last one that reading those don’t work. But hear me out.

It’s not that list posts don’t work. It’s that mega list posts don’t work. So many of us are riding the high of the new year and want to make sure our lives are a little bit better by the end of it. But if you’re reading a post with 100 tips, which will you tackle first? You hear me?

I wanted to write a post about systems and clarity a few of you had asked about in my last post, but I realized that I had outlined tools and processes previously on the blog. There is one other experiment I’m trying called money journaling (I actually made this term up) which I’ll share the results with you in a few weeks.

So here are my four favorite posts to help you kick butt and conquer your financial year: [Read more…]

I’ve talked with so many of you (yup, on the phone. I do this on occasion so make sure to sign up for my email list 😉) and it makes me sad to hear how a) y’all feel like you’re terrible with money and b) that if you find a better way to motivate yourself or have better discipline, it’ll solve all your money problems.

You know me, I’m all about helping you, even if it means dropping some harsh truth bombs. The truth is, you’re not terrible with money, you may have made decisions that didn’t benefit you. Secondly, motivation and self-discipline isn’t the answer to your money problems.

Now I would love to tell you that those list posts with 100 things to do to start off the financial year with a bang is going to work, but it won’t. To be frank, those posts are super overwhelming and most of you will read it and move on. I’ve done that many times in the past. Self-discipline and motivation are great, but what happens if you’re tired that day? Or you start on those goals and you find you need more accountability to complete them? What will you do then?[Read more…]

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I am not a financial professional and not licensed to dispense financial advice. There are times when I may have received compensation from affiliate links and other companies. The financial advice I share may not be appropriate for your lifestyle and personal situation.
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