Roy Keane Statue Unveiled in Cork City

A statue of Republic of Ireland legend Roy Keane has been unveiled in his native Cork City. The naked sculpture stands over 20 feet in height, but Keane himself has criticised the likeness.

Dong

“Why is my dong out?” the former Manchester United captain told Soccer on Sunday. “I did pose in the nip, but I thought that’s just how sculpting goes. Larry was in his nip too while he worked, so it felt very natural. Although Theresa did think it was weird, and took the kids to stay with her sister for a few weeks. Larry was good company while she was away. We went on long walks.”

“The likeness is a disgrace,” added Keane. “The balls are fine — a handful more pubes wouldn’t have gone amiss, but I’ve no real complaints about the balls. But the face is nothing like me. If he paid half as much attention to the face as he seems to have given the balls, I wouldn’t have gone to Woodies this morning to buy a sledgehammer.”

Neville

Gary Neville feels for his former Manchester UTD teammate.

“It’s disappointing,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “We saw something similar with Cristiano Ronaldo during the week. You whip your clothes off and put your trust in these sculptors, and the results can be very far from what you expected. I’ve spent a lot of time in changing rooms with Roy, and I can confirm that the balls are spot on. If I’m nit-picking, maybe a handful more pubes would have been the icing on the balls. But the face looks more like Niall Quinn than Roy.”

“In fairness, most footballer statues do resemble Niall Quinn,” added the Sky Sports pundit. “Except the statue of Niall Quinn in Dublin. I’ve seen it up close, and other than the balls — which are spot on — it’s a dead ringer for Jean-Claude Van Damme.”