The end is near; at least there's beer

Dancing on the edge of the Mayan apocalypse

FILE - In this Dec. 6, 2012 file photo, people raise their hands during a ceremony by Mayan sages in Bacuranao, Cuba. From Russia to California, thousands are preparing for the fateful day, when many believe a 5,125-year cycle known as the Long Count in the Mayan calendar supposedly comes to an end. In Mexico's Mayan heartland, nobody is preparing for the end of the world; instead, they're bracing for a tsunami of spiritual visitors. Jose Manrique Esquivel, a descendent of the Maya, said his community in Mexico's Yucatan peninsula sees the date as a celebration of their survival despite centuries of genocide and oppression. He blamed profiteers looking to scam the gullible for stoking doomsday fears. (AP Photo/Ramon Espinosa, File)
— AP

FILE - In this Dec. 6, 2012 file photo, people raise their hands during a ceremony by Mayan sages in Bacuranao, Cuba. From Russia to California, thousands are preparing for the fateful day, when many believe a 5,125-year cycle known as the Long Count in the Mayan calendar supposedly comes to an end. In Mexico's Mayan heartland, nobody is preparing for the end of the world; instead, they're bracing for a tsunami of spiritual visitors. Jose Manrique Esquivel, a descendent of the Maya, said his community in Mexico's Yucatan peninsula sees the date as a celebration of their survival despite centuries of genocide and oppression. He blamed profiteers looking to scam the gullible for stoking doomsday fears. (AP Photo/Ramon Espinosa, File)
/ AP

The first thing you should know about the Mayan prophecy that the world will end on Dec. 21 is that it is not really Mayan. Another thing you should know is that it is probably not happening.

Local Mayan glyph expert Mark Van Stone has seen the future, and it is still there.

“This is a misinterpretation by scholars, but the world didn’t get the memo,” said Van Stone, a professor of art history at Southwestern College and the author of “2012: Science & Prophecy of the Ancient Maya.” “It is basically craziness based on speculation that is outdated. All of this is completely a modern fantasy. It’s not Mayan at all.”

It may not be Mayan, but the belief that the world could end when the Mayan people’s “Long Count” calendar supposedly runs out on the 21st is certainly global. It is also a little crazy.

From ark-building in China to “End of the World” dance parties in San Diego’s Gaslamp, the (Not Really Mayan) Mayan Prophecy is being greeted they way such prophecies usually are. With kerosene-hoarding paranoia, seize-the-day shenanigans, jaded eye-rolling and the always-popular opportunistic marketing.

If someone has insider information about our collective expiration date, the citizens of planet Earth will embrace it, fear it, exploit it or laugh at it. No matter how weird, scary or totally improbable it might be.

And the so-called Mayan Prophecy is all of the above. Sparked by the 2009 film titled “2012” and fanned by the Internet-fueled whims of our zombie-loving, “Doomsday Prepper”-watching, apolcalypse-obsessing culture, these latest End of Days theories have our global demise coming at the hands of a black hole. Or a flood. Or a collision with a rogue planet called Nibiru. No one is really sure, but plenty of people are sucking up the details anyway. We just can’t help it.

“There are a number of religions that promise an ecstatic afterlife, and there are other religions that promise a better rebirth, so there is this promise of something better coming after the world ends,” said Evelyn Kirkley, associate professor of theology and religions studies at the University of San Diego. “It really gives people a sense that there could be an escape from whatever horribleness or stress they face in their everyday lives.”

Doomsday and rapture scenarios can be tempting, but dependable? Not so far. Whether it is old Nostradamus and his 16th-century prophecies, or Family Radio founder Harold Egbert Campings and his two failed end-of-the-world predictions from 2011, none of our apocalypse advance men have managed to close a sale. Which could be why one of the most powerful things about impending doom is our determination to party our way through it.

In parts of southern Mexico and Central America, tourists and natives will be celebrating 12/21/12 with fireworks and concerts. The ancient Mayan city of Chichén Itza will be the site of spiritual observances of the new era. There are DJ-fueled doomsday blowouts in Hollywood, New York and many sweaty stops in between. And in San Diego, some locals are facing the end of the world with the help of beer, comfort food and maybe a little denial.

“I haven’t really met a single person who is taking it too seriously,” said Tyson Blake, general manager of O’Brien’s Pub in Kearny Mesa, which will be marking the big day by tapping a keg of La Fin du Monde (The End of the World) beer. “It’s people saying, ‘Sweet, another reason to have a party,’ which is definitely welcome.”

At the Saltbox restaurant in the Gaslamp, the menu for the Dec. 21 End of Days dinner is a secret. But chances are, there will be pork belly and nostalgia.

“Our theme is, if you were to have your last meal, what would be the thing you would miss the most?” said executive chef Simon Dolinky, who polled his staff for ideas. “That doesn’t necessarily mean truffles and crab for everyone. It might be a dish you remember your Mom made when you were a kid. I’m doing a chicken, but I won’t give you any more details than that. It isn’t the most exotic of ingredients, but it is undeniably what I would have for my last meal.”

At Slater’s 50/50 restaurants, your last meal could be the chain’s “Armageddon Burger,” a 1/3-pound beef-and-bacon burger wrapped in thick-cut bacon and stacked with prosciutto. San Diegans can also sign off with Helm’s Brewing Company new Decimation Triple IPA or a round of Stone Brewery’s “Enjoy by 12.21.12” IPA.

There is a Dec. 21 End of the World dance party at the Stingaree in the Gaslamp and an acoustic bash at the 98 Bottles club in Middletown. It could mean San Diegans aren’t taking the spirit of the apocalypse seriously. Or maybe we are taking it as seriously as the gods intended.

“I can sympathize with people wanting an excuse to party,” said Van Stone, who will be celebrating in fine Mayan style in Chichén Itza. “In ancient Greece, they had the Bacchanalia, where women were expected to have sex with anyone they wanted and their husbands weren’t allowed to call them on it. That is the kind of safety valves that societies have. I call it the Mardi Gras Effect. It is having permission to go crazy before the end of the world.”