Wanted: better chow

My name is Bentz and I’m a German shepherd. I consider myself to be a highly intelligent woofer, and I take my job very seriously. I make sure the house is always safe from intruders, and the kids have a positive attitude about life with a dog that knows one woof from another.

I have made a discovery — I’ve figured out where food comes from. Food comes from sacks!

When I see sacks, I know it’s time for the big chow-down. Some sacks say “Organic,” some say “Healthy Living”; my sack says “Bulk” and “Sale” on the front.

How come my folks get all the yummy food and I get second-rate chow?

Dear Bentz,

Years and years ago, dogs ate what people ate. We had leftover steak, hamburger and vegetables. Those were the good old days, before the big companies began advertising dog food that costs more than steak and tastes like, well … dog food.

Sadly, those days are gone. Today we need to move very fast to educate the “keepers of the sacks.”

Bentz, like most things, there is an upside. We dogs live longer, healthier lives because of some of the commercial food we eat. Our teeth have less decay, and we have fewer aging problems. I am sure you will live a healthier life if your family chooses a quality food for you. Your pet parents spend hours discussing what’s healthy for them, but haven’t figured out that if it’s bad for them, then why would it be good for you?

I’ve done this a few times and it works: I simply stand at my bowl; I give them the I’m-your-best-friend-look, and then I refuse to eat. Step two: Stand by the dinner table and beg for vegetables, chicken, beef. Refuse the junk food.

Maybe they will get it and put the good food in your bowl.

Sandie Lampe is Schmoo’s “personal assistant.” Lampe also writes about pets for San Diego Home/Garden magazine and is pets correspondent for KUSI TV. Email questions for Schmoo to askschmoo@gmail.com