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Domestic Violence Essay, Research
Paper

Violence in an
intimate relationship is often referred to as domestic violence. It
is not only wife/husband abuse but also includes sibling, elder, and
child abuse. My essay will discuss spouse abuse and why there are
such high rates of it in our society.

Domestic
violence has many names. Some include family violence, battering,
wife beating, and domestic abuse. All these terms refer to the same
thing, which is abuse by a marital, common law, or a dating partner
in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence however is not limited
to physical beatings. It is any behavior that is intended to
subjugate and control another human being through the use of some
sort of abuse which can include humiliation, fear, physical or verbal
assaults, and financial abuse. Domestic violence is very important
issue in today’s society because it has such a profound negative
affect on the abused, mentally and physically. Even though reports of
abuse have skyrocketed in the last twenty years, not enough is being
done to protect the abused and prevent further abuse. Although the
advent of programs such as victim s surveys can more accurately
define the scope of the problem, we are still a long way from the
defeat of this appalling facet of society.

The history of
intimate violence is a long one. Since the time of an established
society, the dominant people have used physical force to keep
subordinate groups in their place. Males have typically always been
physically larger than females and since most societies are
patriarchal, it is really no surprise that women have almost always
been the victims. In Roman times, a man was allowed to divorce,
chastise, or even kill his wife for adultery, attending public games,
or public drunkenness. All of which the man was allowed to freely
partake in. During the Middle Ages it was mans right to beat or kill
his wife for so little as giving her husband a dirty look. The first
recorded advocate against domestic violence was a French woman named
Mary Wollstonecraft. Wollstonecraft s famous paper A Vindication of
the Rights of Women was published in 1792 and was a devastating
critique of the ‘false system of education’ which she argues
forced the middle-class women of her time to live within a stifling
ideal of femininity. Even though she pushed for society to realize
the injustice that occurred almost everyday, no action was taken
until the 1840’s when the American women’s movement brought up
the issue while fighting for the right to vote. No U.S. State
actually passed a law making wife beating illegal until 1883 and even
though a few laws were passed to make it illegal, none of them were
strictly enforced. Even up until the 1970’s, wife beating was still
fairly acceptable. The police would attend calls of domestic violence
but would leave issues to be resolved by the family. This ease and
lack of enforcement allowed for the continuation of the abuse and
further harassment. The 1970’s became a period of protest and
change for the women’s rights movement. By the 1980’s major
changes started to take place. Police no longer ignored calls of
domestic violence and more people were being convicted and punished
for the crime of domestic assault and battery. The effects of
domestic violence are still seen today in our culture. The Expression
“rule of thumb” comes from English Common Law which states that a
man could beat his wife with any reasonable instrument as long as it
was no thicker that his thumb.

Finding the
reasons and causes of domestic violence can be difficult. Usually,
violent tendencies stem from witnessing violence or being acted upon
violently as a child or from a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is
quite arduous to pin point the one or two factors as to why one
chooses to engage in domestic violence but it usually begins with a
lack of self confidence and in the absence of being able to control
their own life, they try to control someone else s. The violence can
begin with verbal insults and degradation. It escalates into constant
suspicion and controlling behavior and finally to physical violence.
The abuser does not abuse once or twice but rather over a lifetime
and they usually have a case history. There are many different
stressors and factors that trigger these inherent abusers to begin
the abuse. They often stem from monetary or drug problems but can
also include unemployment, different religious backgrounds,
low-income levels, lower education levels, and sometimes just a
disagreement triggers a drubbing. None of these factors are meant to
be excuses. Rather they are factors that come up in domestic violence
cases time and time again.

When domestic
violence occurs there is several different types of abuse that take
place. The first is physical violence. Physical violence includes
slapping, kicking, burning, punching, choking, locking a person out
of the home, restraining, and other acts designed to injure,
endanger, or cause physical pain. The second type is emotional abuse
which consists of consistently doing or saying things to shame,
insult, ridicule, embarrass, demean, belittle, or mentally hurt
another person. The third type is sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is when
someone is forced to partake in sexual activities against their will.
This can include but is not limited to molestation, pornography,
mutilation, and rape. Just because a couple is married or has been
seeing each other for a long duration of time does not mean that the
consent to engage in sexual relations is a constant. At any time, a
person in a relationship is entitled to say no and have the issue end
there. Unfortunately that does not always happen. The other person in
the relationship might reason that they have had sex before and that
it is all right even if the other person says no. Rape can occur in
marriages and no other type of abuse has been proven to be more
detrimental in the course of someone s life than sexual abuse.

When it comes to
domestic violence and intimate abuse the most perplexing question is
why? We know how dangerous and emotionally destructive it is for
children to grow up in a violent home. We also know that it is very
emotionally destructive to the abused. Most societies have condemned
child abuse and I praise the efforts to help the abused and stop the
violence. But still I wonder why it does not go away. The first
reason is the cycle of violence which can be very hard to break.
Tension builds due to stress and the abuser becomes critical, edgy
and irritable. They gradually become more abusive and more severe
incidents of abuse start to occur. Both parties can sense the loss of
control which only fuels the tension. With the second stage of the
cycle come violent outbursts with acute battering. The abuser will
fly off into a rage for no apparent reason and there is total loss of
control. The third stage comes after the violence has stopped. The
abuser becomes remorseful and apologetic. This is commonly referred
to as the honeymoon phase. They often beg for forgiveness and swear
it will never happen again. They go out of their way to be kind and
loving and they swear that they will change. This phase explains why
the abused comes back and allows the cycle of abuse to begin again.
The abused wants to believe that the abuser will try and make things
work and they are often reluctant to leave the abusive relationship
because of a feeling of dependency. The second reason why this
problem does not go away is the abused person’s dependency on their
partner and their “learned helplessness”. Learned helplessness is
a psychological term first identified by psychologist Martin
Seligman. People who are abused tend to think that there is no way
out because they are so dependent on their partner. They continue to
cope with the abuse and learn of ways to deal with it.

So what one
might ask, creates an abuser? Abusers usually share common traits,
backgrounds, and behavior patterns. It has been agreed upon that the
goal of the abuser is power and control over their partner. These
same people usually depend on their partner for emotional support
since they are severely lacking in emotional skills. The abuser tends
to conform to the stereotypical view of the post nuclear family. The
man goes out and makes the money to support the family while women
stays home to cook, clean, and look after the kids. These people
often have trouble accepting responsibility for their behavior
abusive and otherwise. They usually feel guilt or shame for their
actions but they try to justify or deny their behavior. It has been
found that many abusers share the same personality disorders such as
lack of empathy, depression, general hostility, and feeling of
victimization. They also seem to lack social skills so they envelope
themselves with their work and their family. They tend to interpret
innocent situations that arouse their jealousy as having been done
with hostile intent. Those who abuse adult partners often grew up in
homes marred by violence between adults and against children.
However, it is important to remember that growing up in a violent
home does not necessarily mean that a person will become abusive. I
think that it is very important to understand and recognize people
with abusive personalities so that they can be stopped and treated
for what some would call a disease.

Many
psychologists believe by teaching our children that violence is
inappropriate and instructing that violence is not the way to solve
problems, we can instill them with a sense of moral character that
will teach them that violence does not solve problems. One of the key
components in making this notion work is to lead by example and
establish positive reinforcement for them to settle disputes in other
fashions than violence. Educating society as a whole is also a very
important key to ending domestic violence. Educating society is
accomplished through changes in public policy and practices. Much
tougher laws are needed since most abusers are given a night or two
in jail only to stew in their antipathy toward that person who put
them there. This gives reoccurring abusers and other people like them
the message that domestic violence is not a major crime and they can
get away with it. When communities establish mandatory arrest and
prosecution policies like they have incorporated here in Oregon, a
message is sent from the police and the courts that domestic violence
is a crime that society will not tolerate! When they join with
counseling programs for abusers, the message will also be that those
who want to change will be given a chance.

It has been
agreed upon by all those trying to end domestic violence that not
only individual abusers need help, but society as a whole needs help.
Domestic violence is still subtly allowed, even encouraged some say,
by various groups. Our media and entertainment industry still
glamorizes and tones down the gravity of domestic violence. There are
still police that ignore and trivialize domestic violence and judges
that give weak punishments or simply let the abusers off. These are
problems still plaguing our society and making it more difficult to
end domestic violence. I think that we are on the right track to
ending domestic violence but our effort is just not strong enough.
Our message that domestic violence is a crime is not strong enough
either. What are these abusive people supposed to think when they are
arrested, given a slap on the wrist and then released the next day.
My research has opened my eyes and made me cognizant of what is going
on and that I need to do my part not to allow or tolerate any sort of
intimate violence.

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