Hoping to dig in and discover how my trans-ness fits into the world and those around me. It does not define me, but it certainly pushes me around from time to time. Can you be successful either way...I will tell you in the end.

February 08, 2011

spewing hatred

As I get back into the blogosphere I am astounded by all of the hatred within the trans-community, under the big transumbrella. I have read many who have pointed out this hatred and are also astounded by the infighting that goes on within our community. Now I can say I really haven't been hit with much venom myself, although I do visit a friend of mines Facebook page and was the receiver of a bit of nastiness. I expected it from that group so I let it roll off.

Now I recently posted a comment on Halle's page where I identified that maybe since there is already so much hatred in the world at this moment, that it is just spilling over into other arenas, this could definitely be the case. I mean if I hate where the nations is at, don't have a job, and have limited resources or support, I can see how I might be bitter. Being trans also throws another wrench into the whole mess. Also I believe hatred is contagious, if those around you are hateful, then you are also more likely to be hateful your self.

Being trans can make you bitter, make you hate the world, and you are certainly fighting off some mental health issues to go along with it all. Mental health to me is defined as depression, ect...so don't flame me yet for the comment. Being trans you have you share of being rejected and or dealing with all kinds of loss and rejection. I can say there was a time in my life where I was hateful to the world because I was trans. Why? Well society puts you in a box that says you have to behave and look a certain way, if you don't you are ostracized, made fun of, or generally harassed. Well I could fake it with the best of them to fit, but I hated the world for having to do it, and I certainly let the world know it, by attacking whom ever, how ever it suited me.

Today, I am good with the world. I don't hate, I try to love and accept. I basically decided that too much time and energy went into the hatred. I decided that it served me no purpose to be this way, in fact I finally learned that it hurt me with others, and so I changed the way I behaved...it wasn't easy and it took a long time. Now I will say I never picked on the underdog, never harassed someone who was less fortunate or different. In fact I did use some of my inner anger to defend those, just to push against society.

So what do we do about it? If I have learned anything it is the fact that if you want change, you have to be an active catalyst in effecting that change. That is not to say the change won't happen if you don't get involved, but if not you, then who? People need to be called on their behavior, now it needs to be done in a considerate manner as you would not want to stoop to the same level, even though that may be the only manner in which they respond too.

Thinking back on my career as a nurse, we as nurses eat our own, not only that, but physicians also pick on nurses, and are just mean, because they are the doctor. Well one way we fought against all of this was to, all go stand around the person being attacked, and say WE will not stand for that behavior, nor will we allow it. We as a community should be the same way, we should not stand for another to be attacked, we should stand with them and say that the behavior happening will not be tolerated. I believe since trans folks are appearance focused, tell them that their behavior is UGLY and it makes them UGLY. So a dialog you might say is "you behavior is mean and ugly, it makes you ugly, so stop it or go away!" If enough people tell them this, and if enough stand together to say the same things, then maybe eventually they will get a clue.

Changes in peoples behavior is hard, especially if that is the way they have always been. They may not change, but even so, they will eventually go somewhere else, somewhere their behavior is tolerated. Wouldn't it be nice to rid the trans community of those hateful people...actually I just wish they would be nice and stay.

Oh well...not yet feeling the rhythm of it all, but its getting there.

It seems to me that we have become hyper-sensitive to comments that seem to be challenging our positions because there have been some 'hater' comments that have sidetracked many posts, so now even a fairly innocent remark runs the risk of ticking people off.

As I have mentioned before, at my blog, challenging comments are appreciated, especially if they pertain to the spirit of the post.

If at times my comments tick people off, it would be good to hear about it, and be able to apologize or explain them to keep a positive spirit alive.

It is not a simple matter to get us all back on track to 'standing together', but that surely would be a good thing to see. Hopefully by taking your suggestions to heart some healing will come.

@Halle I believe you can say things that "tick" people off, but they may just be a matter of differing opinions, not hate speech. I so don't mind being challenged, I don't like some of the meanness that so many have...

@Caroline Yes there are small bands of folks who have the same beliefs that do well together, but too much of one belief is also bad...do need variety.

@Melissa big hug! back to you. I so appreciate how you have touched my world, you sincerely have made it better. thank you!

The degree to which we have common ground is much larger than what divides us. I have been at the receiving end from both sides and it is, as you say just ugly. It is necessary to understand the differences to be able to help each other effectively, the needs are not all the same.

The problems starts, when someone arrogantly sets their self up as an expert on all things trans, based upon their own experience, and then self-righteously presumes to judge the motivations of others, especially when they know very little about them. We must always keep in mind that there is no exact science on this condition, and that we are all different.

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