Personal Revelation

So I’ve been going to therapy for almost a year now. The many reasons are endless and I have no intention of detailing them all for the world to see, but on occasion, I bring up my characters and how they relate back to me.

Today, I had a revelation. My bff Sarah has labeled her characters as representing different parts of her. Mine are much the same way — when I say Savin is me, Savin really kinda IS me.

But so is Jazz.

I know that I use writing as a means of working through my emotions and understanding them better and getting a grasp on them. I’ve especially paid attention to certain themes and emotions over the past few months, in an effort to…reintegrate these feelings I regard negatively.

First was my anger. My anger mostly got worked through with Savin. Savin can be angry, Savin can be…near violent, and these were things about myself I needed to learn how to accept.

And now? Now I’m trying to work on my jealousy. Jazz is the one who’s primarily jealous. He’s also my passive-aggressive one, another thing I want to work on — and I’m slowly working through these things with him.

But these thoughts? They’re not new. The idea of both of these characters representing various parts of myself and struggles I’ve faced, though? That’s not necessarily new either.

But the fact that these two love one another and want to be with one another and accept one another’s flaws and help each other?

It’s like two halves of me trying to learn how to love and accept the other half so that they can be two parts of the same whole.

Seriously I nearly broke my brain over this. And as I continue writing as well as continue through therapy?