The
funniest thing I came across in the wee hours at Glastonbury last
year was the world's smallest niteclub. It was around 2pm in a dark
corner of the Circus Field, a huge crowd were dancing in front of
a small curtained box which was banging out dance music. This was
unexpected and me and a friend managed to bypass the queue and sneak
in. Inside it was mental - a packed crowd of 10 were jumping around
and screaming, one guy had decided he was the MC and another was
skinning up by the DJ who looked like he was on a Punch & Judy
stage at the back. There was crazy patterned fur fabric on the walls
and lights flashing, including UV. This was the best club atmosphere
I'd come across for a long time and I was thrilled to find it there
again this year. It was open all three nights between 10pm and 2am,
had a small bar outside and a large video screen showed what was
going on inside. The bouncers were alot stricter this year and there
was no getting past them without first queuing up and dancing and
witnessing the goings on that go on. I decided I needed a word:

Who
came up with this idea then?

Five
mates had the idea of having it compact one night. It's a reaction
to big club culture and the $40 a head ticket entry. This is a
free party for free people.

What's
your music policy?

It's
got to be black, vinyl and have a whole in the middle. And cost
under 20p

What's
your drug policy?

Nothing
under ½ kilo gets our attention.

Are
you doing Ibiza this year?

No
but we're doing more in England and some in Holland and France.
Also trying to get gigs in Ireland.

Did
you have the bar last year? It seems really well stocked although
shouldn't they be miniature bottles?

The
bar's separate. I think we're suffering from gigantism already
by spawning these two awnings.

How
many can you get in there?

Maybe
14, or maybe one really big person. We're very good at tall, not
so good at wide.

How
many resident DJs have you got?

Depends
what you mean by DJ. We've got some really good people who can
change records. We had Fat Boy Slim come in earlier and buy a
couple of teeshirts and said he was gonna come and play tonight
but no show - his careers on the slide now.

Zoe
probably thought it was too small for her, she's a tall lass.

Oh
we'd have fitted her in, we'd find a way. We should sue him for
breach of verbal contract

Oh
yeah, I saw that fight break out earlier, there was a bit of a tussle
and I was thinking 'this is getting a bit heavy' - it was very convincing.

Oh
we wouldn't know about that but they mostly don't turn into real

So
where are you based? Weren't you down at Battersea Bridge or something?

Battersea
or something, but we had to stop

Why
are you laughing?

(aside) Look, this is a commune. I've had to give up my family,
my friends, and everything I know to join the Miniscule. Theres
some of us that want to get out but we can't get anyone to throw
us a lifeline. Just print it please.

So
can we tell anyone where you will be next?

When
you're underground you have to stay underground - we're like a
submarine, we just appear briefly.