Last week I caught the worst cold in existence. (It’s true. I looked it up in the Encyclopedia of Colds, Revised Edition.) During the height of my illness, I had something that could only be described as The Whooping Cough: I would get stuck in a coughing fit and not be able to stop. It was really pretty.

During one of said coughing fits, I actually hurt myself. My side. Something to do with my left ribs. It has been almost a week and it still hurts.

This has resulted in my having to miss ninjitsu, gymnastics and my daily J.Sto dance parties. (Note: Dancing alone in your room is both awesome and necessary.) Yesterday I had had enough. I couldn’t go another minute without a J.Sto dance party, so I decided to try a mini: Only three songs.

A crippling move. My side hurts even worse.

I became worried that I was suffering from more than a pulled muscle. I immediately dialed a friend of mine who is a NAVY SEAL (fact: it is the job of a SEAL to know everything about anything) to see if it is possible to crack a rib by coughing really, really hard. He said that he’s seen stranger things, but it is highly improbable. And lame. It was then that I decided that I definitely didn’t crack my rib by coughing.

More like, some evil… dude tried to… crash my J.Sto dance party and… I kicked his ass. Twice. However, during our duel, I did a wicked back handspring and he caught me in the side with a roundhouse kick. This may have resulted in a cracked rib. I am so awesome that I have not gone to the hospital to find out.