Sharing the goodness of god through experiences and scripture.

Tag Archives: Love

To say that I’m an emotional person might be the understatement of the year. I love emotions and I understand my emotions and my potential behaviour when I’m at any given point on the rollercoaster on which emotions lie. Some years ago I heard the term emotional intelligence for the first time and once I understood what it was I spent some time analysing and understanding my own emotions and the emotions of others around me. In my observations I’ve noticed how easy it is for us to make decisions made solely on how we feel in the moment and then regret those decisions once our emotions tide over. I’ve found that the most irrational decisions made are those that are strongly influenced by how we feel while on an emotional high.

Emotions can often times stand in the way of us accomplishing what God has planned for us. Think about Jonah. God gave Jonah an assignment to warn the people of Nineveh. His task should have been a simple one to complete – go to Nineveh and warn the people – but his emotions caused his journey to be much more tedious than it should have been. Even after he spent three days in the stomach of a whale and finally decided to do as God instructed Jonah was so caught up in his emotions that rather than celebrate the change in people who heeded God’s warning he instead became angry that they were no longer going to be destroyed.

Jonah 4But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he became angry. 2 So he prayed to the Lord, and said, “Ah, Lord, was not this what I said when I was still in my country? Therefore I fled previously to Tarshish; for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm. 3 Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live!”

In his anger, Jonah wished for death rather than life because he felt God should not have shown mercy to the people of Nineveh. In his anger he told God that his journey to the city was senseless because he knew from the beginning that God would spare the people. Jonah could not appreciate God’s graciousness and mercy because HE FELT the people of Nineveh didn’t deserve a second chance and should have been destroyed.

There was a time I had some information about a Christian leader that made me very upset with them. I was so angry that I distanced myself from that person because I couldn’t understand how they could live a double life and profess that they loved God. While in my angry state the Holy Spirit kept impressing on my heart the need to call that leader and encourage them. Of course in my “dignified anger” I never bothered to call but instead prayed for them and tried to move on with my life. In my mind whatever they were going through they deserved it and God was simply letting them reap the fruit of the seeds they were sewing. God never let up though, he never allowed me to feel comfortable until I picked up the phone and spoke to my leader. Imagine my surprise when the person on the other end of the phone confessed to being under spiritual attack and told me how they wished I had called sooner. I felt so foolish that day. I allowed my emotions to hinder what God was trying to do through me and rather than being a vessel yielding to God I tried to be a master handing down judgement.

How many times have we failed to celebrate the goodness of God towards those deemed lost or doomed because we felt they deserved destruction rather than mercy? How many of us allow our emotions to control our reaction to people and prevent us from living the life of unconditional love God expects us to live? How many of us wish death on people who do not live by the same choices we do and are yet to accept the Jesus we have come to know and love? How many times have we failed to show compassion to persons who aren’t Christians or persons who struggle openly with different areas in their lives although they’re Christians?

As humans we are not immune to emotions and becoming a Christian doesn’t mean we’ve automatically perfected the way our emotions affect us. As Christians we can however make a greater effort to avoid making irrational decisions when our emotions are in overdrive. Jonah is just one example of how someone’s emotions affected the work they were assigned by God in the bible. I’m sure if you did some honest introspection you’ll find ways that you would have dropped the ball on your assignments in the past because of how you felt. The thing is, as God pointed out to Jonah, we serve a God of grace and mercy. Our job is to simply be obedient to his instructions and commands regardless of how we feel. Moving beyond our emotions might be the difference between someone knowing and accepting Jesus as their saviour and that person’s soul being lost to the devil. It might be the difference between a person giving up on God and Christianity and someone continuing the race and sorting out their salvation. The thing is, we do serve a merciful and gracious God who uses us to accomplish his will, but to see his perfect will fulfilled we need to be humble and obedient and not let our own desires and emotions override what He wants from us.

I’m not saying becoming an emotionally intelligent Christian is going to be easy but I am saying it will be worth it!

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This morning I was reminded that there are great expectations from those who called to carry out the great commission, as I sat enjoying a warm cup of tea as I prepared myself mentally for the day ahead. While I sipped, I pondered on my rebelliousness toward God’s direction for a spirit led life over the last week or so and couldn’t help but frown at the foolishness of my ways.

Let me back up a bit so I don’t leave you lost in the transition of my mind’s rambling without adequate content and context with which you can refer to. Last week I decided that people expect too much from me. I’ve never hidden my Christianity nor have I tried to hide my passion for God and the things of God. In fact I’ve done quite the opposite; I’ve taken every chance I got to let people around me know that I serve Jesus and how much I’m in love with Him. I invite others to share in this wonderful experience of salvation and encourage them to look to Jesus as the author and finisher of their faith. This wasn’t a problem until I came to the realization that I’ve put myself in the spotlight and there’s a target aimed directly at my head. You see, in a world where religion and God has somehow become the oppressive enemy of the human race when you decide to openly express your belief in God and practice the teachings of His doctrine people tend to look at you.

If everyone who looked on had good intentions or did so with the understanding that you’d slip up sometimes that would be great or at least considered fair. If somehow people could see that amid all the passion and excitement, you; just like anyone else, was figuring this whole “God thing” out and don’t quite have all the answers or solutions to every situation you encounter, then maybe your walk with Christ might feel a lot less burdensome at times. This however isn’t always the case. It seems that the greater your passion and excitement for God, the more likely you are to draw attention to yourself. What that attention does is cause people to assume you’re always going to have a firm grip on things or cause to wait with bated breath for the moment you slip up.

For me I can’t say that I know of anyone who is waiting for me to slip up but people around me tend to think that I’m supposed to somehow have the right answers and make the right decisions all the time. I’m constantly reminded that I’m a role model and others are looking at me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset or bothered that I’m considered a role model; on the contrary, I think it’s a fantastic thing that my passion fuels others to draw closer to God, but last week the expectations of others felt like such a burden that I decided to change the rules a bit. I deliberately made bad decisions. I found myself in situations where I sat down and thought through the possible choices I could make and how they would affect my relationship with God and I chose to do the wrong thing. It wasn’t an accident or a spur of the moment thing.

I CONSCIOUSLY MADE BAD CHOICES!

In hindsight, I feel so ashamed and broken that I spent time with the Savior, got to know Him intimately and then dipped my hand in the bread basket at the same time he did, only to betray him later on with a metaphorical kiss of death. Like Judas I chose to go against the God that loved me and have been so gracious and loving to me. I willingly persecuted Him to avoid living up to the reality that as a child of God who is called to the great commission I was expected to live a righteous and holy life unto my King.

So that’s where I was a couple weeks ago. I was dipping my toes at the edge of sin’s ocean, all the while wondering how deep I could go before I would begin to drown. Thankfully I serve a God who’s ways are not like mine and who loves me much more than I could ever love Him. Just as I began to think about moving past my toes and actually getting my feet wet, his guiding arms skillfully wrapped themselves around my torso and carried me to safety. My rebelliousness lasted all of two days before I started getting “the messages”. We’ve all experienced “the messages”. It’s when God gets your attention by sending you the same message everywhere you turn; facebook, twitter, the radio, conversations at work, etc. You know what I mean right?

So, God got my attention and he began to show me my heart. I cried bitterly when the reality of my thoughts and actions were revealed to me. When I realized how subtly I began my descent from Christianity into things worldly. Who would have thought that me; a passionate woman of God with a call upon her life who have experienced the awesomeness of God’s power time and time again, could be so easily fooled by the enemy? And just like that, I snapped back to reality, climbed off of the pedestal I’d mounted and decided to start over, recommitting my life and surrendering all over again to the one who shed His blood for my salvation.

So that’s where I was this morning; taking part in an ongoing pity party, when God reminded me:

” to whom much is given, much is expected”

You see, when we come to Christ we get to take advantage of all the wonderful things He has for us. We are recipients of Grace, Love, Peace, Joy, Strength, Comfort, Various Gifts and so much more. If we are to be partakers of all this then we must embrace God’s command that we live holy and acceptable lives unto Him. It’s not right to abuse grace or consciously go against God’s word because we have mercy and forgiveness available to us. In as much as we expect God to honor His word and promises to us, so to we must live out His commandments and be the difference in the world today, so that His name would be glorified.

I know that no one is perfect. That we all make mistakes and slip up sometimes but in as much as we can, I believe we should always choose to please God. We should let nothing get in the way of our relationship with Him and more than ever we should let our light shine before men so that His name would be glorified in heaven. We are the salt of the earth and to lose our flavor means to lose our effectiveness. I can’t say it would be easy (actually I can guarantee you that it will get hard sometimes) but I can assure you it will be worth it. Keep the faith, fight the good fight and at the end of the race I pray that we all hear

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Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

My fascination with the human heart and the way it works is peaked more and more each time I see the potential for both good and evil in it. With each day that passes I am faced with the reality that purification of the heart and by extension, the mind is a daily endeavor that one must approach with humility and vigor.

Like David I continuously pray the prayer:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;Try me, and know my anxieties;And see if there is any wicked way in me,And lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

God in His faithfulness continues to answer me and I am always surprised by what I see. As I grow and learn I’m realizing that my response to my heart condition is maturing. In times past, any revelation of the ills of my heart would have sprouted a fountain of tears and I would have been launched into a week of depressed prayers and brokenness, however this has not been the case recently.

With the passing of time and what I assume is increased wisdom, my approach to facing the filth of my heart has evolved. Instead of bringing on the waterworks and curling into a ball of despair I am now able to acknowledge God in the process and open myself to change. Recently I’ve been reflecting on a number of things God has been showing me and I feel an explainable peace from the words in Hebrews 12:6

For whom the Lord loves He chastens,And scourges every son whom He receives.

I can’t help but feel honored that God loves me enough to discipline me. To take the time to show me my wrongs so that he can make them right. For some reason beyond me I mean enough to this great being that he won’t allow me to continue living with a filthy heart. I fall more and more in love with Jesus as I embrace the depth of this love.

Proverbs 3:11-12 is somehow illuminated in my mind’s eye

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reprooffor the Lord reproves him whom he loves,as a father the son in whom he delights.

As with everything surrounding God there’s a choice to be made when facing discipline from our Father. We can choose to be weary of it and despise God because of it or we can embrace discipline and witness the transformation of our lives because of it.

I know that for each of us our journey would be different and we would experience God in different ways however, I wish to encourage you. It doesn’t matter where you are on your journey with Christ the key is to be open to Him and embrace His ways; chastisement and all. It’s not always easy to accept what God reveals about our hearts but it will be worth it to open those things to Him and have Him remove them and continue the purification process.

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At the core of my heart is an earnest desire to please God and live a righteous life. I’m sure that it’s there but I feel that there are so many things that are yet to be removed before that desire can be manifested in every aspect of my life.

I want so much to live a righteous and holy life but I’ve done so many things that’s messed up my heart. How much build up is lining the walls of my arteries? Is it even possible for the surgeon’s blade to penetrate the mass that has accumulated over time?

I keep wishing there was a way to speed things up. The process is seemingly long and extremely painful. To be silent in the midst of others doing you wrong or to keep giving when everything in you wants to give up. The more I see is the less of me I desire and I keep trying to find a formula to adequately express the things hidden at the very center.

Why can’t I be under anesthesia? To be numb to the pain of the process. Would it help if I saw the cleansing taking place but didn’t feel the pain of it? Can I fall asleep, trusting that my surgeon knows what he’s doing and awake with the scar to show I’ve undergone surgery not remembering the process?

Truth be told as wonderful as that sounds, I like the process. I appreciate it and wouldn’t want to miss a single moment.

I need strength though.

I need strength and peace to continue. I need to be constantly reminded that God’s got this. I don’t need to fight, I simply need to surrender. I need to remember to break down in the safety of His presence and no other place. I need to open my mouth and whisper my thank yous in the difficult times and keep believing that He will complete the good work He’s begun in me.

My desire to serve God is all I am left with, but somehow I feel that’s all he needs me to have.

Have you ever stopped and thought about the awesomeness and power of God? I’ve done that on numerous occasions, but this morning I was graced with a new revelation that made God seem even more marvelous to me than He ever was before.

I reflected on the great flood this morning. God was so angry with his creation that he decided to destroy everything. He was so disappointed with man that He felt the best way to resolve the problem he was having with us was to get rid of us. Thankfully Noah was a righteous man who found favor with Him and because of His righteous lifestyle we were saved. Noah’s relationship with and commitment to God wasn’t the focal point of my ponderings though.

This morning I realized that if God wanted to He could destroy us. At the sound of His voice he could wreak havoc upon the earth and wipe out our entire generation. He could look upon us and become so annoyed with our perverseness and lack of love and honor for Him that he could cause us to disintegrate and so end the vicious cycle of life and death. God has the power to do whatever he wants and yet from the beginning of time he bound himself to never committing such an act by making a promise not to do so, understanding that once that promise was made he would be bound to it because he cannot lie. That, to me was him exercising the greatest act of love towards men.

I know the crucifixion of Christ for most is the greatest act of love demonstrated by God and that may be true but in this moment I disagree. For me, the greatest act of love is having the power and authority to destroy a people who have no regard for you; the highest being in heaven and earth, and choosing not to exercise that power. It takes great love to choose to look past who we are and see us for who we were intended to be and choosing to love us for who we were meant to be while waiting patiently for us to love you back. Added to that God continues to love us even when we hurt His heart intentionally, when we continue to pierce His son’s side through our actions and instead of taking revenge he continues to bless us and wait for us to change.

Who does that? I’ve heard so many people say “If I were God…………” and that statement usually ends with the horrible ways they would treat man and the way they would choose to destroy them. Even I have fallen into that bracket. So many times I’ve wished God gave me the power to zap people and situations and make them disappear. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve seen Christians fail and instead of loving them I’ve condemned them because they didn’t meet the ideal I’ve set in my heart of how Christians should be. All the while not realizing that in my condemnation of them I would have hurt God’s heart as well. I would have failed Him by choosing to judge rather than help and love my brother or sister. My foolish thinking would have caused me to fall into the same category as everyone else I would have wanted to get rid of. Thankfully God is not like man and His mercies are new every morning.

I think I’ve realized why men could never come to the understanding of who God really is, why we can never truly fathom the His ways or wisdom. Why we struggle with so many people and situations in life. It’s because we are unable to love the way he does. We can love our friends and families but can we truly love men? Can we look at a person, seeing all of their evil and wicked ways and still choose to love and care for them? Can we truly see people as someone made in God’s image and likeness and love them with that understanding rather than having to see the good in them before we begin to exercise our love for them?

I’ve decided to challenge myself. For the next week I’m going to choose to love people. In spite of their ways, attitudes, behaviors or any other characteristic they may possess that I don’t like or agree with, I’m going to love them. I understand that would probably be a bit challenging because I’m going to have to choose not to act on anger or be fueled by disappointment, but I’m going to have to love them in spite of. This is going to be one of those challenges where I’m only going to understand it entails after I’ve begun but I’m not going to let that deter me. I understand that I will probably never be able to love the way God loves but hopefully I’ll learn some lessons in loving that will help me to be a better person and have a better impact on the world for the honor and glory of God.

If you’re up to it maybe you can take up the challenge as well and let me know what your week of love was like. I look forward to hearing your stories.

Examine the scripture above giving close consideration to the last verse. Christ said “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have said “I forgive” not realizing that the words were empty because I didn’t release the person in my heart. Christ doesn’t simply give the instruction for us to forgive our brothers, but he makes reference of where that forgiveness must come from: the heart.

I recently came to the realization of my shortcoming when I tried to rekindle a friendship that went sour, due to past disagreements. No matter how hard I tried and willed myself to rebuild my friendship I always managed to run into the proverbial brick wall that brought an overwhelming amount of hurt and resentment to the forefront of my emotions.

When I first started going to the church I currently attend, I was befriended by a young woman who could have well been my friend from childhood. We hit it off instantly! We both have fun, bubbly personalities, we have many similarities in different areas, we’re both in ministry together and our love for God is second to none. I was happy. Unfortunately as time went on we had some disagreements. Of course, being the good “Christians” that we were, we sat down, had a short talk about the issues and “forgave” each other, promising to work on re-establishing our friendship.

Looking back now, I realize what I did was portray an attitude of forgiveness through my words and actions but I never released my friend from my heart. I don’t have to tell you that our friendship didn’t survive much longer. Communication between us broke down, I stopped visiting her home, we never went anywhere together anymore and having to say hello at church became a task I dreaded. I remember looking at my friend and feeling miserable at times because I wanted our friendship to return to the way it was but I couldn’t fathom a way to change the situation between us.

Thankfully God was looking at the situation and saw our hearts. Through Godly counsel and guidance my friend and I decided to give the friendship another whirl and see how things would work out. During that time the revelation of the scripture above came to life for me and God began to show me what I was doing wrong.

Although I SAID to my friend “I forgive you”, I didn’t forget or let go of what she did to hurt me. In my heart I held on to everything that caused me pain and I would reference those things and use them as a red flag to stop me from getting close to her. In Verse 27 of the above scripture we see that the King forgave the servant his debt. This meant the servant would no longer have to pay what was owed. Not because the king “forgot” about the debt in a literal sense, but because he was no longer going to make reference to or remind the servant of what was borrowed and once owed.

Eureka! I needed to let go of my hurt to the point that I could stop making reference to it; in order to free my heart from the burden of it was carrying.

As you read through the scripture above that the servant whom the king pardoned brought torment upon his self when he refused to forgive someone who owed him a debt. Although the first servant was forgiven initially, his unwillingness to forgive his servant caused him to be released unto His tormenters until his former debt was completely repaid.

This is where you and I come in; in the final verse of Matthew 18 Christ said

“So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, FROM HIS HEART, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

That, my friend, is a sobering statement! If you and I don’t learn to forgive those who have wronged us from our hearts we will inflict torment upon ourselves.

God doesn’t require lip service from us; he looks at our hearts to know our true intentions. He knows that we are capable of “acting right” with impurity in our hearts and that is why He examines our hearts and not our actions.

For our own sakes I suggest that we take the time, ever so often and examine the condition of our hearts. Our next breakthrough could be dependent on how quickly we are willing to truly forgive that person or those persons who would have hurt or wronged us. With all the challenges we already face in our daily lives does it make sense adding more turmoil to the mix because of a disagreement or misunderstanding?

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

Have you ever said the prayer above? “Search me O God……………..see if there is any wicked way in me?”

Recently I found myself praying this prayer; not in the exact words that David used in Psalm 139, but with the same message to God. The funny thing about me saying the prayer was while I was prepared for God to search me, I wasn’t prepared for what I’d see.

When God searches and finds things in you that are not of Him he has to show it to you in order to bring it to your attention and begin His work on removing it. Of course I didn’t understand that concept until I got a taste of it first hand. I’ll be very honest with you, when I said this prayer I thought God would just speak to me about the things that are deep within my heart that I needed to change. I was really hoping for a dream or a vision or even a word from a prophet telling me what areas in my heart needed work. Boy was I wrong!

As time progressed and I waited on my revelation God began to test me. I know most times when Christians say “test” people usually think trials, but that’s not what I mean. What God did was allow me to be in situations where the decisions I made highlighted what was really in my heart. Can you imagine the horror I felt when I realized that what felt good to me in a situation or what I gravitated toward naturally was not of God?

For me, I’ve always battled with lust. For as long as I could remember; even before I was saved, it was very easy for my mind to stray to situations and places it shouldn’t. When I got saved over a year ago, I started praying and asking God to save me from this spirit. Now I’ll be honest, on the surface I began to gain control of the situation and I earnestly believed that I no longer had a desire to lust anymore. Yet again I was wrong. On the surface I was okay but that desire was hidden deep in my heart and I was only made aware of that when I found myself in the presence of a young man that I’m attracted to. When lust showed up there I felt devastated and defeated.

I went to God in confusion, not understanding why I was getting into trouble again in this area that I was supposedly free from. That’s when God began to minister to me. He began to show me that my problem was much deeper than I realized and that I needed to constantly pray against the spirit of lust, especially when I feel like I’ve got it under control and trust Him while he works on removing it from my life.

This experience gave me a greater understanding of Paul’s words in Romans 7 where he expressed his distress at doing those things he doesn’t want to. In my distress God took me to Matthew 26:41 where I was given my instruction on how to proceed in wisdom where my secret desire was concerned.

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

More and more as the days progress I’m realizing that in order to live a life of holiness and righteousness I need to constantly be in prayer and fasting. Additionally I’m beginning to understand that righteousness and holiness is not an overnight experience; it’s a daily battle between flesh and spirit and once I remember that and keep surrendering my all to God He, through His Holy Spirit will help me to overcome my battles.

If you’re like me; coming to the realization of just how wicked the desires of the heart can be, and you’re seeking answers to this problem I hope that my testimony has helped a bit. I hope that you use the Apostle Paul’s words in Romans 7; not as an excuse to continue on in sin, but as encouragement to pick you up out of that place of defeat. I urge you to remain focused and continue pressing on to the mark of the higher calling. Additionally I encourage you to heed the advice in Matthew 26:41 “watch and pray”, understanding that the battle between the spirit and the flesh is an ongoing one that can only be overcome through this method.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this matter with me. Your experiences might have in it the next word of encouragement for me and other persons who may be fighting this battle as well.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Last night I had the most incredible revelation from God: No matter the situation, there’s always something to be thankful for. Think of the most negative, hurtful, terrible situation that has ever happened to you or someone you know or think of someone who really, really gets you on your wrong side (we all know somebody). Ponder on any of the two and I’m certain you’re going to find at least one ounce of goodness in that situation or person that you can be thankful for.

Most nights I have a list of people or situations that God would have placed in my heart during the day, that I pray for. Last night as I was about to pray for the persons on my list God told me to thank him for specific things in each person or individual.

At first I was reluctant, because I knew these people were going through some tough situations and I wanted to present those situations before the throne of grace. Past experiences however, has thought me not to argue with God, so I obeyed His command and began to thank Him for each person; not asking for anything at all.

While praying persons and situations that weren’t on my list began to come to mind and I thanked God for specific things in them as well. Soon enough, persons and situations that I didn’t like or wasn’t pleased about started to come to mind and I realized I had things to thank God for where those things were concerned as well.

When I rose from praying God said to me, “there is good in everything and everyone, it’s up to you to focus on the good and be thankful for it”.

This morning as I climbed off my bed Hitler came to mind. What could I thank God for where Adolf Hitler was concerned? The man who attempted to destroy an entire race of people because their physical features did not please him. It took a little while before I found something and then I thanked God that Hitler was only up set with one race of people.

I realize now that sometimes we get so caught up looking at the negatives and the trials, and frustrations of life that we neglect to truly thank God for the ounce of good that dwells in bad situations. I’ve decided to dedicate this month to giving thanks rather than complaining. I am going to activate my faith and stand on God’s promise that ALL things will work together for my good because I love Him and I’m going to find peace in knowing that whatever is taking place in my life is His will for me.