I've been unemployed once before. It was 2001 and I was working at a small software start-up in Virginia -- one of those tiny dot.com outfits that spent a lot of time and effort telling people that it wasn't a dot-com, it had a PRODUCT, and even though the PRODUCT would pretty much eat your computer alive from the inside out and no one had ever bought a single copy of the PRODUCT, we had loads of funding and free soda and snacks in the kitchen.

We'd had layoffs once before, and I survived miraculously by virtue of having the smallest salary in the company. I got bounced around as a technical writer, marketing manager, events coordinator, office-supply-closet stocker and office-coffee-pot scrubber. I also paid the company's bills, but the checks always bounced and I got very good at blaming our bank and promising to "look into things," which meant testily emailing various VPs about the need to STOP SPENDING SO MUCH DAMN MONEY ALREADY.

I stayed because I had no where else to go. One time I submitted a couple articles to magazines and got rejected and hid in the office bathroom to cry.

After 9/11, there were more layoffs. My friend ran a scan of the company email server and found a bunch of emails from the executives as they bargained and jockeyed for their team members and compiled the List of the Damned.

My friend was on the list; I wasn't. I took him out for lunch and we never went back -- we stayed at a bar instead doing shot after shot of straight vodka and waited for the terrorists to blow us all up.

Hours later I realized I'd left my coat at the office and stumbled back in sometime around 5:30 with a mouthful of Altoids and my high heels in my hand. The company president was waiting for me, and within 10 minutes I was packing up my desk and wondering if he knew that I was drunk off my ass.

My severance package was one month's worth of pay. I was out of work for three months. We'd bought our condo that summer -- with a mortgage that we figured we'd "grow into" with mad raises and stock options and I don't know, a magic money tree we'd grow in the window box. We'd spent all of our savings on the downpayment and refinishing the goddamn floors.

I sent out hundreds of resumes and stayed in bed all day and reused the coffee grounds. When I accidentally missed the dentist appointment I desperately needed before my health insurance ran out, they informed me I owed a $50 fee and I broke down in hysterical tears because I simply didn't have $50. I filed for unemployment and got called a white bitch by some random guy in the waiting area.

In complete panic, I took a hefty pay cut and accepted a marketing job with little government contractor. They never told me that I'd be working by myself in a little satellite office or that the "contracts" they listed on their client list were mostly from the 1980s or that my entire budget for brochures and events and advertising for the year was $9,000.

And so I spent a few horrible weeks printing out my boss's email and trying to explain to her that you don't "open" Windows, it's just WHAT YOUR COMPUTER RUNS ON DUMBASS, and being tasked with tracking what happened to this one restaurant that the company president ate at once, he forgets the name, but it was Thai food, or maybe Vietnamese, anyway, it's gone now but please find out when and why it closed and when I suggested that *just maybe* this wasn't the best use of my time I was reprimanded for "clinging to my title" and "not being a team player."

Then my former boss at a financial publishing company called -- the company I left a year before to go make my Internet stock option fortune -- and offered me a job. I packed up my desk that day and left a Post-It on my boss's computer monitor telling her that I would not be returning, thanks ever so fucking much.

I have been here ever since.

And now I am leaving.

And while Rockstar Mommy's Jerry-Maguire-like exit scenario (WHO'S COMING WITH ME? Y'ALL SUCK AND I AM TAKING THE FISH.) certainly sounds way awesome, quitting your job is rarely that dramatic. Or fun. It kind of sucks. And my office doesn't have any fish.

It was more like this: "Hello, I have bad news and would like to awkwardly hand you a resignation letter while making relationship-like platitudes of It's Not You, It's Me, We're Just Different People Now and I Don't Think We Mesh Very Well" and then I got all choked up because my boss -- my completely fantastic crate-racingjello-shooting boss -- said all he cared about was that I was happy.

And I am happy.

I can't tell you a lot of particulars about what I'll be doing -- yet -- but I will soon. I hope y'all will like it, and I hope you will read it. There will probably be some contracting for my current company along with some stuff that makes me tremble with excitement every time I think about it because I WILL BE A WRITER, A REAL-LIVE WRITER WHO GETS MONEY FOR WRITING THAT SHE WRITES HER DAMN SELF.

A lot of people think having a baby pretty much puts your life on hold. That babies and families are what keep women bashing against the glass ceiling. That your dreams take a backseat to your child's dreams.

I will tell you this: Bullshit.

The opportunities I've been given (nay, handed on a fucking silver platter with a pretty caligraphied notecard that says "For Amy") would never have come to be if not for Noah. I wouldn't have had the voice or the experience or the simple GUTS to go after them. Noah inspires me in so many ways -- to be a better writer, a better person and to do whatever it takes to give him the very best life possible.

Back when I was still on maternity leave, Jason and I agonized over our budget because MAN, did I love this motherhood business. MAN, did I want to stay home. We came up with a number. The amount of money beyond Jason's salary that we.just.plain.needed.every.month.not.negotiable.amen.

My experience back in 2001 taught us that living off our savings -- the savings we've meticulously built up over the years because NEVER FUCKING AGAIN will we live that close to the edge of the financial cliff -- was not something we were willing to do, even temporarily. And so we were left with this number. It alternatively seemed (to me) deliciously attainable and yet...totally impossible.

So I came back from maternity leave a different person, to a slightly different job than the one I'd left in September. I'm so glad I did. I owed it to myself to try. I owed it to Jason to not force him into a breadwinner role that he wasn't comfortable with. I owed it to Noah to make sure his parents weren't stressed out over money and his mother wasn't having anxiety attacks and reusing the coffee grounds again.

But oh my God, I hated it.

I will now and forever have the deepest admiration for mothers who work outside the home. I don't know how you do it. Because I sucked at it. I was always rushed and overloaded and running late and tired -- oh my God, so tired -- and if there was anything I hated more than the morning rush it was the drive home at night. I missed Noah so badly and he was RIGHT THERE in his infant carseat but I couldn't see him or play with him and traffic meant another 45 minutes of our time together was sucked away from us.

By Friday I was so tired and worn out that I seriously had no business getting behind the wheel with Noah in the car. So Fridays were the days that I missed my exit or locked my keys in the car or spilled coffee on myself or made a million other stupid mistakes. I was so tired of the colds and viruses and using my sick leave to care for Noah then dragging my diseased ass in because I just couldn't miss any more work.

I had to make a change. And I've made it and it's terrifying and exciting and I AM SO FUCKING GRATEFUL. Because I know. Just a couple months ago I stared at our budget for the millionth time, trying to scale back more and more and it just wasn't going to happen. I didn't have a choice. I think it's bullshit to kid ourselves that all women in this country really, truly have a choice.

Oh, but you choose to live in an area where real estate costs seventy million dollars a square foot. You choose to have two cars. You choose to have a date night with your husband. You choose these things because you are not a good parent.

Anyway. Stuff came together for me. Details coming soon. Maybe it was luck, fate, karma, God's chosen plan -- I have no idea. But honestly? It worked out because of you guys. Because you come here and read and comment and frantically refresh and give a rat's ass about my family and what I have to say. Or maybe you just want baby pictures. Or maybe you hate me and keep reading in hopes that I'll get hit by a truck. I don't know. But thanks for upping my stats anyway and helping me prove that there's an audience for run-on sentences about poop. And for giving me the confidence that hey, maybe I don't completely suck.

When I think about how you -- all of you -- have touched my life and changed it for the better; about where I would be without this blog, this outlet; and about how Noah and I have an army of friends and allies (I refuse to call any of you strangers) out there -- Jesus God, it renders me absolutely speechless.

(HA! Yet look at how I am still talking.)

So. I am serving out two more weeks. May 3rd is my last day. Then I get the nifty WAHM acronym and the chance to do everything I've ever wanted, plus the one thing I never realized would mean so much to me.

Tears in my eyes. Working out of the home when you have kids is so damn hard. I don't do it myself, but my best friend does, and I see her torn in two, exhausted, but she doesn't have a choice. It's either work part time shifts till 11 pm, or go without health insurance.

I'm so happy for you, that you have this chance to be at home with Noah. Is being at home hard? Yes, in different ways. And working from home is hard too. But you will be with Noah, and no more 45 minute commutes while you miss him from the front seat, and no more getting sick so often that you're friends with the pharmacist.

I am de-lurking just to say that you made me cry a little and wish I could work from home. Also wanted to wish you all the luck in the world and I can't wait to hear what happens next!! I love your blog and can relate to your pregnancy and mommy experiences on many levels. Good luck!

I have a fantastic setup at work where I get to work from home two days a week, one day my husband is home with the 7 month old love of our lives, and two 6 hour days at the office for me where our son is with a friend of the family who lives 5 minutes from our house so I never have to worry about traffic. Plus any time I need to stay home for any reason, I never get grief about it and I have a fantastic boss who always understands. And yet...I would toss it all in a second if we could afford for me to stay home. I'm a whole lot of happy and just a teeny jealous that you're making it happen. :)

Dear Mamalah (part two)
You and Jason so clearly have things Pretty Well Worked Out - I can tell you will bring your style and cool outlook on things to being a WAHM. Plus: No more Daycare Nose (green, runny, red). Yeah for run-on sentences re: Poop. BRING 'EM ON!

I was trying to post on the previous entry and then all of a sudden the new one was up and I couldn't! I can't remember exactly what I was going to write now... you've covered some of it in this entry anyway.

So best of luck to you! Waiting with bated breath to see what you'll be up to next.

This is wonderful! Well, not leaving the cool people you may work with, but the opportunities ahead of you! More Noah time!

And so WHAT if you and Jason still have nice things in life? You're still people! You deserve these things once in awhile. Being a parent doesn't mean you have to stay home all the time or never spend money on yourselves or just enjoy life.

I can't wait to hear about the exciting things in store for you! And your adorable little turtle.

You give me hope, Amalah. I've been working on a doctorate for about 700 years and getting married in a month and trying to figure out how I'll ever be a good mother and a star professor. (I don't have to worry about either just yet, but you know, for the future like.) And make me feel like I might be able to do it. Thanks.

I have never felt so good about helping a stranger (not even the time I stopped for that guy whose truck was overheating and he swore at me and snatched my antifreeze because he was mad that a GIRL came to his macho fuckhead aid), because, wow, it's easy to help you...I just show up.

Congratulations, Amy, and know there are legions of us waiting to see your next great Thing.

Excellent. I've been reading for a while and waiting ... waiting ... waiting ... for a big Amalah career breakthrough, so I could say I read her blog way back when before she was Ms. Big Hot Shot Writer.

I'm glad that you realize that you have several hundred people all across the country who love you guys and support you in whatever you do. Write a book, we'll buy a few copies each. Start a column, we'll read it and force our friends to as well. Take a vacation, we'll live vicariously through your pictoral essay.

I'm glad that you don't think of us as strangers as the Storch clan has become like family to many of us as well.

Mostly, I'm glad for any and all happiness flowing in your family's general direction. And I know I'm not the only one.

Congratulations and good luck. . . can't wait to see what this new chapter in your life will bring, not only for you & your family, but for me. 'Cause, you know, I'm here for the entertainment, too. :-)

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes... As a long-time reader, sometimes poster I feel like I truly know you. I am so happy that you are going to be able to do something you love. Enjoy every moment of your time with Noah!

Arghhhhhh, my wet tear-and-mascara-stained cheeks are SO NOT GOING with my pretty green and white spring skirt. My look is ruined! But thank you for the little cry. (Also, bloody hell, I still have FOUR more weeks to work, rather than the usual two. Talk about awkward.)

soooo well-put and genuine and real and emotional and touching. damn. but really, best of luck to you and your family and can't wait to see what happens next. you have tons of fans who are more than happy to support you. way to take life by the horns and fucking do your thing - congratulations!

That was the best (again) post. I'm sure I speak for most, if not all of your readers, when I say that you are thought of as a friend, too, not just some girl on the internet. In fact I had already decided I was going to start referring to you to other people as "my friend, Amy". I am just so happy for you. This was a journey that you had to take on your own, with no one else's help -- just a lot of encouragement. You have taken it and decided on a new path. What could be better, except a supportive husband and giddy baby. Kudos, Amy and tons of best wishes.

De-lurking to tell you I'm crying just a little bit. Good for you for knowing what needs to happen and then making it happen. I know you're scared, but it's a good kind of scared I bet. And really there's nothing to be afraid of, there are no such thing as bad decisions. Oh and P.S. Your writing has truly changed the way I write emails to my friends. I learned that I could put periods in weird places and have one word sentences if I wanted to. Thanks!

Congrats Amy! I'm very proud of you. I'm a stay at home Mom but considered working after mine was born. Unfortantely, working for a Non-Profit Agency, it cost more to work than it did to stay at home. I love my current role and love being home with my daughter. But I also miss my work desperately at times. You're right, we don't have a choice. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and just bought a new car b/c our little 4 door was killing us. And still I ask if we made the right decision.

Living in DC is hard...trust me, I know. My husband and I were born and raised there and working our ass off to get back but the cost of living is so high but the cultural pay off is so worth it.

What you wrote was truly inspirational. I have tears in my eyes. I wish that I could say that I truly know how you feel about working outside the home but I don't. I am a SAHM with a 3 yr old son who is my life. Unfortunately, due to recent events, I am forced to return to the work force. Like you and Jason, we sat down and tried a million different ways to budget for what we need. And like you we found it impossible but with our son's disabilities and a pressing need for intensive therapies for him, I know that I have no choice. I have to work and I wish to God above that I didn't.

Best of luck, and I know that whatever details you share in the near future, people will flock to help those details succeed. For those details must be what is abling you to say "fuck it, I'm doing what I want to do", and that is exactly why every other person reading your website wishes they too had details to share.

I think its great that you are going to be able to work at home...with your son...fulfilling a lifelong dream. Count your blessings Amalah, the sun is definitely shining down upon you.

I look forward to seeing, and being a part of what the future holds for you and yours.

De lurking after a year of reading to congratulate you on everything. Speaking for myself (and probably for others), I want you to know that you give more to us than you give yourself credit for. Best of luck to you, Jason, and Noah (who is quite possibly the cutest baby I have ever seen).

I commented at Zoot's site this morning about how I remember when your comments pushed into the double digits some days. I lurked for a long time before commenting, but I do now and come back every day because your writing entertains me and offers me an escape for a few minutes. I'm glad that in addition to entertaining thousands of us out here, your writing here has helped you achieve what you want. Best of luck and I can't wait to hear all about your next adventure.

I've started this comment a million times but I don't know what to say except thank you. Because here I am, three and a half months pregnant, dreading the idea of going back to this pointless thankless job after I begin the experience of motherhood.

You are helping me to realize it doesn't have to be an either/or situation, and that is really inspiring.

I wish you nothing but success and happiness. Because you can have both. And you deserve it.

Things do have a way of coming together when you want them to..Good luck, be happy! ..and only supportive commenters need respond, please When will women ever learn that to support one another's choices only makes us stronger women.

I been reading for awhile (actually found you through Jason's site) but never written. Everyday I read I am either laughing out loud or tearing. Today I am tearing and have to go into court right now. Thanks. A lot. I mean it. P.S. I tell all the new moms I know about your site.

As a person who has wanted nothing more in her entire life than to have people read what she writes, I am so incredibly thrilled for you and whatever opportunity has presented itself. I've always found it amazing how throughout life, just when we think we can't handle anymore and something has got to give...something always comes along and saves us. And seriously? Thank YOU for sharing your life with us and becoming a public figure. It can't be easy, but you do it with such grace, so thank you.

Wow. I don't even know you, although I do not-so-secretly hope to see you on the street or in a restaurant some day and would probably freak you out by coming up and saying hi and cooing at Noah. But I digress. Your love for Noah makes me cry tears of happiness and jealousy all at the same time. For what it's worth, I'm so happy for you! And - a bit selfishly - maybe the WAHM will post more frequently?! :)

I admire your hutzpah and strength to give your plan a go. And, as a SAHM with aspirations of being a WAHM (my sister is living that dream) I can tell you, first hand, somedays it sucks but most? It rocks. I mean REALLY rocks. And, you'll be a better Momma and woman and wife for it.

BTW, whoever told you that all those "extras" like two cars and date night with your husband weren't necessary, surely didn't have a fucking kid. I'd strongly suggest keeping those on the budget since being at home all the time, you'll CRAVE that interaction every once in a while.

Oh, Amalah. Somehow your posts are always just what I need them to be.

I have been reading since just before Noah was born, and have enjoyed all 6 months of the "mommy" version of your blog, even with no children of my own. Now I find myself with my own surprise blessing - 7wks pregnant and still very much my secret. Every day now I come to work and think...how? But then every night I go home and stare at Quicken for hours on end and think...how? I get estimates from daycares and die a little (a lot??). From the few people that know about our little one, everyone seems to have ideas about the things in our meager lifestyle that could be cut out to make it possible for me to quit my job and stay home - that I just need to make the "right choices"...isn't it a valid choice to want to raise a child in an area you love (NoVA) in schools that are some of the best in the country?
Anyway, congrats on finally having a palatable choice!! I can’t wait to follow you to whatever project you take on :-)

Can I admit that whenever I hear about another Mom who gets to leave her job I want to poke holes in my own eyes! Crap. I am so happy for you and yes, very jealous. We have done the math thing to and it just can't happen for us. Esp since I am the insurance provider for our family as well as we need both salaries. Can I also admit that I really like my job? But how I know about that race to daycare- I think the roads should just be open for Moms & Dads picking their kids up during certain hours so we can drive like hell to get there!

Anyway- best of luck to whatever you do. I have to go on a business trip for 8 days and leave my beautiful boy home with his Papa. I don't know how I am going to do it.

I found your site right after I had my second child, 10 months ago and had just went back to work. I cried a little when I read this post because it is my goal to work from home very soon and I am so happy for you and your family!

Please lord god WRITE A BOOK. You would just be so fabulous. I mentioned before that you had started...but something about you being too critical of your own work. We are hear to tell you that you do not need to be critical - because WOW - hell, girl, you can WRITE.

I love reading your blog and find your life fascinating. I wish you and your family all the best, now and in the years to come.

Tears rolling down my face. I was faced with your dilemma fourteen years ago, when my "Noah" was born. I tried and tried and we just couldn't swing me staying home. (And I live in the economic armpit of the country.) The hardest thing was dropping him, and then her, off every morning.

While I've never met you, you have made it easier for all of us to get to know you. Thanks for sharing your journey with us, and please take us along on the next one.

I am so happy for you and for that angelic child. You will never regret this!

I'm very happy for you. I'm in the process of getting married and trying to conceive and I'll admit, reading your blog has scared me many times. I worry about daycares and missing too much work and losing my job if I have a kid. But I want to experience the love between mother and child like you do with Noah. I want that so much. You have got a lot of courage and someone is very lucky to have snatched you up for whatever this secret project is. You can count me in as a faithful reader of whatever it is.

I know it has been said a thousands times before me but you're awesome & I truly love reading your posts. I found your blog 2 years ago when my cat died (the Max photos caught my attention). You sent me a really sweet email after I left a comment re:my dead cat and I've been a devoted reader ever since. Congrats on your new WAHM status! You deserve every bit o'happiness!

Amy-
I've never responded to your blog before, although I read it all the time and I think your an amazingly funny writer/person/mom. I'm pregnant right now (due in two weeks) and I actually found your blog when I was googling about some random pregnancy thing I was freaking out about.
We have more in common than I could ever explain--and so I was hooked. Both your pregnancy blogs, as well as all your inspiring stories regarding Noah have really helped me through the past few months.
On my due date I'm also graduating from law school, and although I was in the world of professionals before law school, I've been worried about how I'm going to balance my need to write/advocate/practice law with my obsession to be a good mom to my son. Thanks for giving me one mroe reason to read, as I know your stories about being a WAHM will help remind me that someday that too may be possible for me.

You Rock--and Noah is amazingly cute, as petty as it sounds, I'm hoping we're as lucky (after the hopes for his help, intelligence, and overall personality of course)!

I read this every single day, but never commented... But i had to today... I'm so happy for you! You're an amazing writer, you make me laugh my ass off while i'm at work and shouldn't really be laughing... It's only fair for u to make money out of this great talent of yours.
Greetings from Brazil =)

Ooooh, maybe she's got a deal to write a Wednesday Advice Smackdown column! How awesome would that be? But, also, I really hope it is a book deal. But, mainly, I'm really glad you are so happy! Your blog is the first I check every day and the only one I have ever commented on. I heart Amalah!

(and this is two posts in a row that I have left TWO comments on, and I am going to cut that out I promise, because really)

I'm busy beyond belief, but I've taken a good 10 minutes out of my day to read your essay and the comments, tear up a bit, and reflect on what it means to me. I'm honored to be considered one of your virtual friends.

I totally agree with so much of what you said, especially about women having a choice. It is bullshit. I can choose to do whatever I want BUT stay home. Because deep down there's always some feeling projected upon you. But I quit, too. I am a WAHM. And I'm the happiest I've EVER been. Congratulations!

Hey Amy, as a working mother, I just want to tell you that even after almost two years, every day is still overloaded, overwhelming, frantic and frustrating. The fatigue is there, every day, and the only redeeming features of working are 1) to help provide the best possible opportunities for your children, 2)continue doing something that you have worked for, enjoyed and identified with.(Those and eating lunch with two hands and no one pooping on you all day) You have skills that allows you to get all these benefits without committing yourself to a grueling 9-6 life. You are lucky and blessed. Enjoy that scrumptious child.