There Are Also the ‘Hyper Vegan’ and the ‘Passive Forager’

“I started out as a ‘Regular Vegetarian’ (someone who does not eat meat), and then I became what is called a ‘Constipated Vegetarian’ (someone who eats too many bananas). After that, I became what they call a ‘Strict Vegetarian.’ That’s someone who eats only fruits and vegetables that have been disciplined in some way — like, for example, corn that was grown in a perfect row, or grapes that were stomped by someone in uniform.” —Demetri Martin, discussing the dietary choices he’s been making since reading books like How Chickens Are Raped Before You Eat Them and The Cow Feces Dilemma. [Eat Like a Man/Esquire]