I realized that I have been living my life this way… without accountability. I’m the one who checks on others. And I never required, requested or demanded that people look in on me… to check up on my status in one area or another.

Even my husband has seen me as a Super Woman! I did have two lady friends around 2014 who were good at checking up on me. And when they moved away, I was devastated. Though I couldn’t understsnd my deep grief over their departure.

It was stemmed back to the familial saying, “Nek’ka always lands on her feet”. These two ladies gave me what I was missing… then they were gone.

I mentioned this a few days ago, in my minimalist challenge blog, that I’ve hired a couple of coaches for 2020. The year for praises and not complaints. So I’m incorporating my own helps and hand holding.

I’ve had mentors over the past 20 years and while I was given assignments, so many other areas of my life were unattended to or overlooked.

In Amy’s book, she was relaying a story of how a women’s family of origin had nicknames for all the kids and she was living up to hers even subconsciously. This woman didn’t examine her life to see if that label resonated with who she identified as an individual.

And I never shook off that label, “she’ll always land on her feet”. It’s good to know or believe that. But how is that suppose to happen?

When I land on my feet, are my ankles sometimes twisted? Did I break my legs landing on my feet because I had no assistance? I never saw negative in that statement. I was just doing my best to live up to that expectation.

Don’t get me wrong, I have some really good friends that I can call when needed. And we’re all busy with our daily lives. When I see them, we all get caught up on the latest happenings and have a good laugh. And then I go back to my world of “landing on my feet”… alone, as it were.

What childhood or early adult nicknames or statements are you trying to live up to? Do they resonate with your true identity, your core being? Write your comments below.
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For so many years, I have been affected by my marital status. Married or single. I’ve been both as an adult. And it has plagued me. The video was so right on about who or what I am basing my identity on. That affects how I am.

Speak to Your Children

This saved my bacon while raising my kids as a single mom. I now tell anyone, just “have a conversation” with people, your kids, your boss, etc.

I came from the generation that told kids to do things “because I said so!” When someone first suggested I explain things to my kids under 10 years old, I thought they were off their rocker.

For kids in a situation where they have lost one parent whether they knew them or not, there is a fear of losing the parent that “stayed”. My explaining things to my kids, help relieved their fears about the immediate future. It kept them informed still on “a need to know” basis but without having to guess about so much.

Also, I developed an “open door” policy as they were getting older. They were free to talk to me 8 to 9 pm for normal situations…not a crisis. I set this time so that if it was not an emergency, I could still have my devotions early in the morning uninterrupted and my quiet time alone at night.

So I hope this helps any parent, not just the single parent. To learn how to de-escalate a conversation going awry when they are young helps as the children grow older.

My name is @Nek’ka Migel and I am the founder of @Single Moms Unite!, LLC dba @Consulting for Single Parents Choose-to-succeed.org Message me at Fb.me/msg/singlemomsunite208

IT WAS funny but not really.

It was funny but not at the time!

I wonder how many times this has happened to you? You set out to do good and run into a snag, a snafu, a little bit of trouble.

You want to help. You want to be of assistance but you can’t even get to them before you fall in the ditch.

And then the single mom helps me out of the ditch! Wow! What an amazing thing! I’ll tell you what; leave it to a single mom to not only get me out of a ditch but to have the know-how to get me out. Seriously folks, my tires were spinning and spinning trying to drive up out of this ditch before dear single mom came to my rescue.

So thank you so much, Dear Single Moms, for all that you do for your families, for other people and at the same time managed to keep your wits about you.

And a big THANK YOU to the dear single mom who helped me out of a ditch, tonight.