Aul han – Ulster Scots for “friend”, presumably derived from “old hand”, often used as a greeting

Aul hanning – use as many words as possible to comprehensively disagree with a point someone else has made, typified by lengthy explanations of why one thinks every minute detail is incorrect, illustrating every perceived irrational wrong turn; (NB. meaning alters in a Sarah Palin context)

Grauniad (The Graun) – The Guardian, a UK newspaper that used to be good

The GUN SHOW – our benevolent host

GUNS – muscles, esp. biceps, esp. large

The HASK – our benevolent host

HOPE – meaningless succour for the intellectually barren

HOPEFEAR – agonising pendular torture of being both mildly optimistic and deeply, darkly, dippily gloomy about your side’s prospects in an upcoming fixture. See also HOPE, FEAR

Irish Lucan – Jamie Heaslip (see Lord Lucan)

Jizzbucket – George North

Killer’s Kool Kall-out (KKK) – wager on a rugby match; typically involves two people, with the loser(s) ceding control of their avatar for a week following the game as forfeit, while the choice-making winner(s) indulges in the gentle pleasure of humiliating another person just because they can

Lunatic Fringe – that part of a given group of people (most typically a nation) who spout bollocks with no adherence to F&R™; members are frequently nationalistic Daves from Swindon (see above) whose only communication is “my country’s the best because I was born there” said in a million variations; the majority of people

Nailed On – Jonathan Sexton

Not Eddie Butler – modern day broadcaster Jesus who turns wine into words

On the 12 – high; on drugs, legal or otherwise, recreational or performance

The Ospreys (O’s or Os) – the Jonahs of rugby betting, whether for money or SuperBro (see below) pride, destined to achieve results based on maximal punter disappointment

Pooper Scooper – Super Rugby

Proper 7 – made up term for a type of player who barely (doesn’t) exist(s); say it three times in front of a mirror and Larry will appear and put your genitalia in a jam jar

Ronads – Ronan O’Gara

A Robshaw – unit of distance measurement, equivalent to roughly 18cm

Shitloaf – Sam Warburton

Silk – Ulster Scots term meaning Quade Cooper, appreciated only be those with sufficient wit

Small-Faced Chaos Machine – Richie Gray

Small Face Theory of Quality – Modern academic view, first suggested and subsequently largely developed by Norsked, that a rugby player’s ability is inversely proportional to his face:head size ratio

40 metre/yard spring times – “And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.”