Hello
I don't know exactly where to
start. But, I will just jump
right in I guess. I have a friend
that has left her husband and
now the real trouble is starting.
I belong to a support group
called New Beginnings. The group
helped her escape her abusive
husband. She was hidden in different
locations for a bit then set
up in an apartment of her own
with her children. Just before
she left New York her daughter
told the teachers at her school
of the families circumstances
at home. The abuse that her
mother was receiving and the
rapes by her father of her mother.
Now the state of New York is
investigating her to see if
she was negligent in sending
her children to school. Also
they want to physically examine
the kids to check for bruises
etc.

I
personally think the husband
is behind this. The woman is
totally petrified that she is
going to lose these children
to him now. He has gotten the
phone number and knows she lives
somewhere in Maryland. But Thank
God nothing more than that.
He has been playing head games
with her because she asked him
to provide for his children
but he refuses to do so. He
states quite clearly that if
she attempts to get him through
the courts he will just quit
his job. I was wondering if
there is any way that you could
help her? It is hard enough
making the break like she has
without all this indignity on
top of it. As far as I am concerned
she has done nothing except
to try to keep her children
safe while he has done much
damage by his actions. Please
help this wonderful woman. Her
name is Rhonda her screen name
is XXXX. I thank you for any
information you can give her
and also any advice. Sincerely,
Patrice

Dear
Rhonda:

I am writing to you in response
to a note that your friend,
Patrice sent to FEMINIST.COM.
I'm so sorry to hear about your
situation--and even sorrier
that I have taken so long to
respond. The only good thing
to have come by this delay is
that you may have found a solution--at
least temporarily--to your situation.

I
have friends who had to suffer
at the hands of the New York
Family Court system because
of their ignorance and I hope
that wasn't your situation.
In this instance, the mother
was charged with neglect because
her children smelled and their
cloethes were dirty. No attention
was given to the fact that the
mother was illiterate so she
couldn't get a job. She was
trying to become literate, but
the system made it impossible
to work and study--and, therefore,
no way to dig yourself out of
poverty.

I
share this story with you for
a specific reason, which is
to illustrate that the system
is wrong, not you. And I think
when going up against what you
are potentially going to go
up against, you have to keep
this in mind.

It sounds like you have done
everything that you should--you
protected your children and
yourself. And hopefully the
courts will respect these choices.
I'm assuming that you have already
received a restraining order--or
something that can keep your
husband from seeing your children.
I think this is especially important
until a final decision is made.
Mostly because he sounds like
a controlling, angry person
and I would hate for him to
take that out on the children.
I'm also assuming that you have
filed for seperation and/or
divorce or at least begun to
do so. Once you do this, the
court will hopefully look at
fully enforce him to pay something
toward his child's development.

What is most important is that
you and your children are safe.
What is next important is for
you to take care of yourself.
Like the group your friend is
invovled with, I hope you get
involved in a similiar group.
To find one near you, you could
look at resources we offer here
at FEMINIST.COM.

I hope that helps and I hope
you will write directly should
you need further help, clarification
or have further questions. Good
luck to you-- and I hope you
and your children find the "new
beginnings" you need.