Twitter / atb20

Thursday, May 05, 2005

life on the edge

i know that every sexually active woman has at one point or another been through a day like the one i'm just recovering from. there's the slow realization, that at this time last month you were . . . um . . . how shall i say . . . well aware of your femininity, and so far this month, you're not feeling so . . . feminine. at first this is just a minor irritation, but as the day progresses, your mind wanders back to "what if . . . ?" what if I have to nurse a newborn while I go to class, work full-time, and see clients? what if we have to move back in with my parents to afford food for the baby? does this mean that I'm really not that much better than britney? these questions start innocently enough and are easily rebuffed by such excuses as "but we've been enoying eachother's company for five years, and sperm has yet to meet egg" and "i get paranoid about this time every month." Over time though, they start to fill all of the little spaces in the brian where thoughts usually occur, and mental process as you know it ceases to exist. at a certain point in the afternoon, you notice that you've been going to the restroom about every five minutes in the hope that this time you'll see a sign that there's no need to fear. rarely, but it does happen, the paranoioa strikes so deep that on the way home you buy a pregnancy test just to get full use of your brain back. fortunately, for the time being, this will be the only "little one" around our house...