What About When Life is Good?

Things have changed a lot in my life since I started my blog, and lately I haven’t said as much here as I used to. I have mixed feelings about that because I miss my blog friends when I’m not sharing my life here, and it feels weird not to journal about what’s happening in my life. There are some obvious reasons for changing the way that I communicate here, and I’d like to look into them to figure out where I plan to go from here.

My blog is special to me. It was the first place that I ever allowed myself to truly be myself. I poured out my emotions and struggles here before I could be honest about them with anyone else. When I hated myself, I said it here, and people reminded me that there were plenty of reasons to replace that hatred with love. This blog (more accurately, the people who read it and respond to it) were home to me.

I love to write. I love to share my feelings on various topics because so many things interest me. I love to ask for opinions and receive answers. I like knowing that someone is always there – waiting to be encouraging, or to remind me that I’m not alone in this. That was always more important to me than writing about how many pounds I lost that week.

When I started this blog I didn’t like myself very much. (That’s putting it mildly.) I started doing good things for myself, and people started paying attention. The folks who took time to support me made me feel important. They gave me the attention that I desperately needed, but more importantly, they gave me hope.

Throughout the years I have met people who have lost 50 pounds, 100 pounds and even a few who have lost over 200 pounds. I’ve met people who didn’t struggle with weight even though they connected with me on other levels. I’ve met people who know what it’s like to be the heaviest person in every room (even at at Weight Watchers meeting.) I’ve met people who understand the confidence that I feel every time I take a sweaty picture of myself.

I have gained so much from this blog, and I don’t want it to end. I just don’t know exactly how to proceed because it’s not about being skinny anymore. I still want to figure out how to lose weight, but I don’t feel as defined by my size as I once did. That’s good and bad, I suppose. I want to talk about other things here, but it seems like my life is much less interesting when I’m happy.

Does anyone really want to hear about how fulfilled I am right now? Is it interesting or inspiring to hear that I haven’t reached my goal yet and that I feel happy from day to day in spite of that? Does it matter to anyone that I feel good about how I look some days even though I still weigh nearly 300 pounds?

I have a myriad of interests outside of fitness even though I feel awesome after a heart-pounding, sweaty workout. I still like food too even though I tell myself no sometimes (you know, just enough to not gain the 100 pounds back.) Lately I’ve been inspired to try different clothing styles, and I’ve spent a lot of time offline – spending time with people that I can hug, who will drink coffee with me and help me decorate my Christmas tree. (Note to said friends: We’re doing that next week, mmmkay?)

I love my little corner of the internet, and I’m sorry for disappointing some of you by not reaching my weight-loss goal yet. I’ve never given up, and I don’t plan to now. I’m just content in the fact that everything else is going okay. My life isn’t perfect, but I’m enjoying my family, my church, my friends and my school.

I don’t need my blog the way I did when I started it because now I’m honest with myself and the people around me. I tell the truth. I lay my heart out even though sometimes that means getting hurt. There’s still so much in the blog world that I wouldn’t know if I stopped participating in awesome online communities. I don’t want to stop blogging. I just want it to be okay that I feel like blogging about all of the happy things too. I used to do both so why can’t I do both now?

Do you ever feel like you’re more inclined to blog when things are rough? Is this distance (lack of interest) something that I’ve created in my mind simply because I feel like people only want to hear about the dramatic stuff? Are people just tired of me because they feel that I’ve failed them?

I don’t know the answers. I know that I can choose to write here or choose not to write here. I just don’t know how to reconnect with my blog, even though it used to feel like my closest friend.

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9 Comments

Hey Kenlie! Thanks for writing such an honest post. Ultimately, I’m happy that you’re in such a good place. The mental shift you’ve described is wonderful and inspiring, most of all because it points to continued success and happiness, no matter what the scale says.
I’m not going to push you to keep blogging. I’m just going to encourage you to continue doing what you need to do to be happy. My attitude has always been that my blog is, first and foremost, for ME. If I don’t enjoy what I’m writing and sharing, how can I expect anyone else to? I don’t think anyone would object if you broaden the scope of your writing to include whatever is going on in your world, good or bad. And if people do object, then that’s THEIR PROBLEM. RuPaul said it best: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” We both know there are people out there who use other people’s struggles or unhappiness to feel better about themselves. Don’t let those sadsacks define you, how or what you share, or how you use this website. mmmkay?
Keep doing what makes you happy. You mentioned this blog used to feel like your closest friend… and the the great thing about close friends is that they don’t judge. They don’t demand. And they’re always there when you need them.
And this reader has NEVER felt disappointed by you. Let’s put that on the record!

Tracey Walton

November 26, 2013 at 7:49 am

Ultimately, this is YOUR blog and you can keep going with it no matter which direction you choose to go. I love reading it and it is the one that I truly try to read consistently. You are allowed to talk about your trials and tribulations or anything that makes you happy. I appreciate hearing how you are trying to change your sleep pattern and the fun things that you now feel more comfortable doing. You inspire me to continue moving in the right direction.

I write my blog for me. Of course I love it when someone tells me that I inspired them, or that they love my honesty, but really, sometimes I forget other people are actually reading it. The basis is my Weight Watcher weight loss journey, but I write about everything. I talk about a food binge one day and the next day it’s about shopping, girlfriends, family, my dogs, walks in the park, the rude lady at the grocery store or the stupid thing I did that particular day. I’m sure some days my post are boring. I don’t care. It’s my journal. I like to look back and see what I did the past few years. I don’t post recipes so much as “Low Point Meal Ideas”. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m a food blogger or even a good cook. I just like to throw stuff together, figure out the points, then tell people if I liked it or not. 🙂 I think a blog is very personal. You need your blog to be what YOU want it to be, not what your readers want it to be. The honesty is really what everyone loves anyhow. Weight loss is hard and sometimes it really sucks, and most people totally get that. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading! 🙂

I totally understand what you mean by having “needed” the blog back when you felt less comfortable being open with those around you. That makes perfect sense! However, I think you’re underestimating how much your readers care about you. And when people care, they want to be there for the bad AND the good! So I don’t think you should necessarily try to hold back when things are going well. If you don’t *want* to write, that’s one thing. But if you’re keeping from writing simply because you think others won’t want to read it…well, I think that would be a mistake! Do you. Be you. And people will love you for it.

I love this post – I love the honesty! No, happy posts are not boring posts. You have a lovely writing style, and, even if it isn’t the most exciting post in the world, it is still your blog, your space of the internet!

I am on the opposite side. At the moment, I’ve stopped posting so much as I feel that I am always writing the same thing (“I’m starting over again… today…”) and that I have become a bit self pitying. I decided that was boring and decided not to write again until I picked myself out of that.

I think it’s good to share your feelings, sad/happy/angry/excited, however you feel! I often wonder if people are disappointed in me, too, when I don’t make progress losing weight. I wonder if people only want to read success stories & they don’t know why I struggle or why I can’t just lose the weight already! But then I remember all the people who say they know how hard it is, too, and that the progress I’ve made is something to be proud of. Not to mention, the simple fact that we try, that we make the effort, is a lot more than some people do. So be proud & share your ups and downs, because a lot of people out there, myself included, are going through the same thing. There’s power in numbers!

6 days agoby misskenlieDo you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Are you struggling with bitterness or finding it hard to forgive people who’ve hurt you? Do you want to have peace even when the circumstances around you aren’t great? Do you want to grow closer in your relationship with God? Do you want to have friends who will support you and encourage you? If you said yes to any or all of that, come on over to our house for a Freedom Small Group on Friday nights at 7 pm. It’s going to be ❤️! #smallgroups#bettertogether