This one's dedicated to those who're feeling low, sad, depressed, frustrated or just plain irritated.It might be anger, it might be hopelessness, it might be failure or a broken dream... here's something which might help... or irritate you further....

Dreams are dreams.. and some might not be true...but that is no reason to feel so blue...Coz no matter how bleak it may seem to you...always remember, I've been there too...

You say,"Hope to live as I die ever while...but its easier to die rather than to live these days..."What was it like before??Was there a rainbow always?there might have been better days..but there are still better ones to comeAll you need to do is wait some.

Anger pours out, frustration swaysyou're willing to give it all up you say....Stand awhile, and think about it,Would you sacrifice all in a minute?Why? coz you think you can't hold on?Your legacy will last long after you're gone...What do you want to leave behind?Tears and sorrow... or joy divine?

You're hopeless, you think, "hell's the place to be"If you ever need a reality check, you need to ask meRemember the day you made me smile...Or took time out to be with me a while...Dyu realise the difference you've made in my life?Dyu know you're my friend, and nothing more do I require?

"Things are harder than they ever were,You won't even recognise me anymore."Who do you need to say you're youWhat you are, and what you do?You're convinced its war everywhere...I don't deny it.. its killing out there...You are your own master, slave to noneThere are still so many battles to be won...You might lose sometimes, but hope abounds...Coz what goes... always comes around...

"The easy way is to end this life..or simply put , commit suicide."Your life is for you to take...Whatever you want, you can make...Giving up is the easy way for sureBut is that all you have, and nothing more?Don't you want to live and achieve...Without your loved ones you leave...You know you have so much to give..So why not take a chance ....and Live?

Sitting alone, thinking about things,I suddenly hear a bird sing....Its voice holds innocence, a tender touch,The serenity I seek so much....I know not where its coming from,I search for long.... and then some....This birdsong so lovely, so real, so pure,Is it divine? its not earthly for sure....For where is there such clarityin a world so full of disparity....And so much heart put in every note,when people are at each other's throats....Every trill holds a promise, a hopeWhile through this darkness we grope....To seek the truth... and find solaceThis birdsong holds all in its pace....And in this simple tune is heldA wealth of wisdom... faith upheld....For while such beauty still exists,Such ultimate joy, such pure bliss....There is hope for better things yet,Sorrow and disappointment I forget....And as the last few notes fade away,I thank God for giving me this day....

Walking back alone from the department at a stuffy 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I decided to slow down from my usual 29.37 kph (as Mo the statistician informs me) and see life around me. Its strange how much we miss in the usual hustle bustle of our daily lives. I found that out this afternoon.

I bid my goodbyes to Ash (who's decided 4 is too early to go back to the hostel, hence destination Nesky) and Preeti (who has been typing for the past two days to get her report done on time, hence destination Main CC) and start down the road towards SB.On my way, I make several observations...

* I see a small boy running down the road with a bright kite in his hands, the wind tugging hard at its string while the boy runs all the way down, laughing gaily. His bright smile and carefree laugh follow me all the way to the next turn in the road....

* I walk along enjoying the cool breeze that has suddenly sprung up... and just miss stepping on a huge snail and crushing it to certain death, besides ruining my shoes and my mood. I stop for a moment to heave a sigh of relief, and notice the intricate patterns on its shell, as if a brush has been dipped in myriad colours and painted across its back....

* I narrowly miss being run over by a crazy motorcyclist, who zips past singing "Bachna eh haseeno" at the top of his voice....

* A group of kids pass me by on cycles..it looks like they're out for a picnic. The first two cycles have plastic bags with cola bottles in them and I can distinctly make out a packet of chips peeking out from another bag. The rear of the group is brought up by a tiny boy sitting on a huge cycle, carrying an even tinier girl behind him. She shrieks with excitement as they all go flying down the steep slope and jump at the so called speed bump (which everyone by-passes anyways)....

* A cuckoo calls out from somewhere...followed by a racuous rendition of "Aapki Kashish" coming from Jawahar.I pause to listen as he relentlessly carries on till the middle of 1st para when someone mercifully strangles him....

* As soon as I enter SB, my attention is caught by a glint of yellow in the otherwise pale green grass. I stoop down to see a tiny, but valiantly bright golden flower, no more than a weed, pushing its way up from the ground. It paints a pretty picture,and somehow fiils my heart with a glow....

* As I walk along the corridors, there's a peaceful silence...everyone's either sleeping or in classes. A rainbow of colours is displayed in the form of multi hued clothes hanging out to dry...the floor is dappled with reds, greens, blues, pinks... the sunlight creates a kaleidoscope on the corridor floor and walls.As I pass through the corridor, I feel like I'm in a 70's technicolour movie dream sequence.

I finally enter my abode, my room and the first thing I see is a moth sitting on the window facing the door.I approach cautiously, but it flutters right into my face and then flutters out.Slightly shaken, I proceed to put a good end to an interesting afty with my regular siesta.....

Somehow, a lot of my acquaintances among the BTech guys happen to have one thing in common... they are all part of IIT-R's news magazine Watch Out!!. Now the hows and whys are beyond anybody's comprehension, but Watch Out members are considered to be the "Cool Ones" of the campus... although I don't concur.. 'coz Ash, Pree n I are missing from its ranks...

I have had a pleasant, if weird, association with the Who's Who of Watch Out!! this past year. Here I list them:

Sidharth Gupta: Chairman (2004-05)The most popular guy in campus... everybody's idol ... every girl's crush (including certain friends of mine) ... a brilliant orator, a dynamic personality and a demi-god to boot... He's done everything from conducting quizzes and debates to participating in Fash-P to hosting Mr&Miss THOMSO... To probably being Mr.THOMSO himself... Ash tells me he's been "Mr.Elan" while he was in school in Delhi (I didn't know then, and I don't know now , whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) ...

And I was fortunate enough to know him because of my status as "A Fash-P Partner"... that's the community of those girls whose roomies were in Fash-P. My very own Ash being an integral part of the fash frat of IIT-R, I was privileged enough to have had the opportunity to know every last detail of his achievements, because the Fash-P gals never stopped raving about his virtues. He seemed quite inaccessible to us lower beings (namely Pree n Mee), owing majorly to the fact that whenever he was around, Ash wouldn't let us look that way ("Stop embarassing me!!")... although to be fair to her, we were actually pretty embarassing to be around, because our plans to meet him involved a complex strategy with Pree pretending to faint in his arms and me trying to get her off him, during which we would both get to see Him up close.... We shared several entertaining sessions chalking out our plans and mapping out a fool-proof execution. But as it turned out, on the fateful day, the event had to be cancelled owing to my absence from the scene of action due to unforseeable circs. However, I discovered to my absolute and complete astonishment that Sidharth actually knew me, and even had the courtesy to come up and say "Hi !" to me. I almost fainted that day (the plan could yet come to fruition!!), but caught myself just in time. From that day on, we acknowledged each other whenever we met, and I found him to be a courteous, polite and moderately funny guy... quite a nice person, actually. My association with him started and ended with my being a Fash-P partner... I must remember to thank Ash for her good fashion sense...

Keerthi Raghavan: Chief Editor (2004-05)Another ultra successful, super intelligent, highly popular guy... a Black Eye (no, not a member of the band)... got through IIM-A ... blasted his way through the GRE and got into Stanford or some other equally prestigious place.... I got my first glimpse of this exalted being when Mo (his own para follows) pointed him out to me by first shouting out "Hi Keerthi !!" when he passed us by on an unlit road, and then told me..."That was Keerthi.He's a Maddu"... My being Tamil and in IIT-R and still not knowing KR was too much for Mo to digest... but my pseudo-Tamil identity had prevented me from attending the annual Tamil Meet (it involved introducing myself in front of a crowd of around 100 Maddu guys.. in Tamil.. and also hold an intelligent conversation with some of them.. a nightmare for me), and so I had apparently missed a golden chance to meet Him personally.As Fate would have it, I chanced upon another opportunity to observe him up close pretty soon when he came to conduct a quiz in our department. I had been informed by Ash that he was into quizzing bigtime, and so naturally I wasn't interested. But just to discover what the fuss was about ("Who is this guy after all?") and also because we were under threat from our seniors and profs to build up an audience, we traipsed into the Civil Audi where the quiz was in progress. As we sat down in a strategic spot (as much near the door as it is possible to sit without appearing desperate to get out), KR was in action just below the stage, welcoming the Director or someone. Having finished the welcoming, with great style he climbed onto the stage... and in the hush, a great ripping sound echoed across the hall... as it turned out, he'd caught his pant on a nail and ripped it right through. Since the audience amounted to just about 10 people besides the dignitaries, there were no shouts of laughter, although Pree n I had a tough time controlling our giggles while Ash silently observed his moment of discomfort.. but to his credit, he carried on with confidence and panache and won my approval (which amounts to nothing, but still...). The pant-tearing incident made him seem much more human, and I liked him much the better for it. Now he seemed not so unreachable... but unlike Ash, I was unable to recognise him in anything other than a blue Tee till the very last day...

Mohneet Singh Ahuja: Chairman (2006-07)Okay, now that I see it... this association is also through Ash... although Mo and I were together in French class as well, I didn't really know him. My first meeting with this guy was when we went to get ourselves registered for the course... a Sardar dashed in quoting his CGPA as being 8 (which it wasn't)... and almost fell over when he heard mine . The next I hear of him is from Ash (the Sardar connection) and from Gupta, who turned out to be best buddies with this crazy Surd. One thing led to another and soon Mo n I became friends. I learned that he was in Watch Out!! much later... by then it was too late for me to disassociate myself from Watch Out!! 'coz half my friends were inevitably from there.And so I was stuck with having a completely random and arbit guy for a friend.. or so I thought.....

Mohneet turns out to be another popular guy around campus. Everyone seems to know him, or at least recognise him. When you're walking with this guy, its not unusual for him to be waving to half the junta that walks by, and unlike other people, his waves and hello's are reciprocated. The possessor of a weird sense of humour, a killer wit ('coz the victims of his wit hardly ever survive the torture) an amazingly warped sense of his purpose on earth (which he proclaims is to spread his theories, none of which make any sense) and a split personality ("Hello, I'm Navneet, Mohneet's identical twin who lives in London and is 1 second older than Mo"). And just when I was beginning to think what's special about this guy... it turns out that he's the next Chairman of Watch Out!! .. and a founding member of Intelligent Sardars of India ( based in London)... Do I dare say anything more...

Pulkit Arya: Executive Editor-in-Chief (2006-07)I don't have a clue what the post means, but it sure sounds impressive. I have a suspicion that Pulkit, or Poochie as he's unlovingly known, is supposed to do a lot of work. Another popular guy... unassuming, easy going, laidback and with an utterly devastating sense of humour. Funnily enough, I first met Pulkit on the dance floor during THOMSO. Pree n Pulki matched their steps, while I tried to keep Gupta from treading on my toes. My next sighting of Pulkit was also on the dance floor, this time SB's Bhawan day. The previous scene was repeated with exactly the same characters. Meetings with him were much more frequent after that, with Ash joining in. And one fine day, I find out Pulkit is another Watch Out!! guy and on his way to the upper echelons of the magazine. In fact, I was recently informed that Poochie's the one who writes everything on the THOMSO website... something he isn't given credit for...So here's some mention of his achievement... don't expect anything more...

That's when I began to wonder if Ash, Pree n I held a special attraction for Watch Out!! people... as it is we're a pretty attractive threesome...

Ankit Jindal: Chief Finance Co-ordinator (2006-07)Jindal.... I met him in an unusual way. Gupta came up with an arbit guy during THOMSO, to sign up for "Blind Date", a stupid game which was utterly useless. Jindal turned out to be a pretty nice guy, who loved saying "Crap!!"... just hearing him say that in his disgruntled and disgusted way made Pree n my day. Jindal running helter skelter to and from meetings kind of revealed the fact that he was yet another guy from the by now familiar bunch. What made him different was the fact that he was one of the very few guys among my friends who're serious about their studies. I spent a lot of my time teasing him and Gupta about being not-so-straight.. even composed a birthday message for him along the same lines, which he was thrilled with !!! Somewhere down the line, we came up with a Hail-Hitleresque greeting "Jai Godavari".. referring to some forgotten chapo, which neither of us remembers anything about....

Besides the above mentioned, there are several other WONA members whom I count among my friends, all of whom possess the same drive, vitality and dynamism that these guys have.But they are sorely lacking in something ... having us as members. I took the issue up with Mo, who mumbled something about WONA being a BTech thing and came up with a vague "Its tradition" excuse... their loss if they don't have Ash, Pree n Mee....

I enter my floor..And stop right at the door !!For what do I see..But two girls immersed in study...I shrug it off, and go right to sleep..But suddenly in my slumbers deepIt hits me with a blast...I have exams .... and fast !!!I sit up straightand contemplate...Is it really worth spoiling my restFor some petty and unworthy test??My heart answers... "Not really"So back I snooze unworriedly...

Ash arrives...My partner-in-crime...She's just as baffled, but understandsthe situation as it stands...She shakes me awake, and says..."We 've got exams in just a few days"As we brainstorm on this problem so peskyWe both decide to go to Nesky....An entire evening spent under its umbrellaGives an illusion of being in Shangrila...Deep in conversation, we revertTo our usual strategy, never inert..."We'll burn the midnight oil...On the last day we shall toil "

Preeti concurs...Coz it often occurs...That what I want to sayShe already portrays.And so it happens that The Terrific Three...Ash, Preeti and Mee..Leave it to God to save 'em..while they play carrom...The days before the exams slip by...So fast, its like the hours fly...And we' re down to the last minBefore the exams begin.We' re admirable, we're so tough..We start filling pages rough...

Trying to cram theorems and proofs...But know all the while we're going to make spoofs..."Chak de Phatte" says Pree...Who knows it better than Mee...Coz chucking and guessing are my tricks...To get me through with few cricks...My hours of studying start fruits to reap...And so I go off to sleep...Back to where I started from...I sleep for an hour..and then some...Ash is in the library...With all the books she could carry...I don't even go to have my tea...Its been all day, and I haven't seen Pree...

The night comes and goes...What's to be done nobody knows...Grappling with the syllabus...Is like wrestling a hippopotamus...(Sorry for that last line..I couldn't find anything else to rhyme)Sitting at opposite ends of the room...Silent as spectres, full of gloom...Ash n I try to get through the pages...Helped along by Pree's messages...At 1 a.m. I chuck my book...Ash gives me a scathing look.."I'm done" I announce and go to bed...I've already forgotten all I've read...

The morning arrives, bright and chirpy...The same cannot be said for me...Last minute revision makes no sense...Everyone's nervous, everyone's tense...The exams begin.. begin with a bang...And when it ends, we're ready to hang...Two days of tests, 3 in a day...And We have ploughed our wayThrough Topology, Stats, and Fuzzy...And Discrete, Tech Comm n IP...How, where and why is a mystery...All we know is they're now history!!!Its time for us to party then...Nesky n UG... we're back again!!!!

I've been plagued with calls from unknown numbers for a long time now. I have no clue how they get hold of my number ... sure there are dozens of sources I can't think of. The calls come from all sorts of numbers - Idea, Airtel, Hutch, BSNL, Tata Indicomm, Reliance. My number obviously transcends all divides of areas and network connections. My contribution towards national integration.

The calls started some 6 months back, with an arbitrary guy calling me up, "Hey gorgeous.. I've seen you around.. I want to frandship you." The first two words convinced me he'd never seen me before. The last few words convinced me I never wanted to see him !! The calls kept coming, no amount of requests or cutting of calls could dissuade him from calling. Then I went off home for 10 days, during which my cell was switched off. I guess he finally got tired of trying.

Then there was the Music Lover. He started off with "Hi" then played me songs. There were quite a few of my favourite numbers in his selection. I actually enjoyed those calls ... no crappy dialogues, just good songs. And then the messages started. Poems, shayaris and other similar forwarded messages. At one point they got pretty annoying with soppy, senti stuff pouring into my inbox. A few choice words the next time he called put a rest to that. Sadly, the songs stopped too.

My bed started vibrating in the middle of my afternoon siesta one day. I picked up my cell and said a drowsy hello. "Haan ji, hello..hello..hello.." someone bellowed into my ear. I held the phone six inches from my ear and asked who he wanted to talk to. " I want to talk to you only. Are you talking from Meerut? No? Then where are you talking from?? I'm from Meerut." Oh joy, the Man of My Dreams from Meerut.

Then there was the group of guys who decided they wanted to collectively share the call charges. they kept calling me from 3 different numbers, and sent messages from another number. I saved a few messages... they were pretty good. But the calls were irritating. I was pretty good at "choice words" by now, so gave them an earful.

Nighttime calls."I want to hear your voice. Raat ko baat karni thi." This was one caller that several of my friends and juniors also attended to. By the time 5 girls were through with him, he must have heard several new words to add to his lingo.

"Hi Rani...". This was last night during dinner. "WRONG NUMBER" I said and kept the phone down. He called again, "Please, don't keep down the phone. Just listen to me once." A pleasant voice, but nonetheless... A religious message followed, something with Ganeshji in the message, ending with a taunt "Sure you'll delete this one too.... Amit kr Sagar". Called a few minutes later." Aapko Ganeshji ki kasam, phone mat kaatna". "You're a crazy coot" was my reply. " Why aren't you listening to me. Please don't cut this call... please". A long pause from me." Is there a snake somewhere near you??Why are you so silent?" he ventured. That was when I discovered he's a snake charmer. Wonder why he was trying to charm his way into my heart??? Oye....

Wonder when I'll get calls from that special someone I want to talk to ......

Looking afar with wide open eyes...Who knows where my destiny lies...Filled with dreams, and a sparkling light...Waiting for my kite to take flight...Searching for something... or someone?But know that there is noneTo match my steps as I walk my own pace...I love to look challenges in their face...For no matter how tough life might be..I'm happy just being Me...