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Fun Puns

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years ofwar with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of theEuphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it”.“But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t youknow who I am? I am the king!”Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no differencewho you are.”

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family wereavid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records weredestroyed in a fire, …and so we’ll never know for whom the Tellsbowled.

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! Ithink I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settledown. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”

4. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineereddolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet ofseagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to goout and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep onthe road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, hewas arrested and charged with…transporting gulls across sedate lionsfor immortal porpoises.

5. Back in the 1800’s the Tate’s Watch Company of Massachusettswanted to produce other products, and since they already made thecases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The newcompasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexicorather than California . This, of course, is the origin of theexpression,…”He who has a Tate’s is lost!”

6. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all thetoilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted assaying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.”

7. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicineman. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thinstrip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to biteoff, chew,and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After amonth, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling.The chief shrugged and said, “The thong is ended, but the maladylingers on.”

8. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found hisname missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complainingto the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, “I musthave taken Leif off my census.”

9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folkremedies with the assistance of a tribal Brujo who indicated that theleaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case ofconstipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujolooked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds likethese, you don’t need enemas.”