And it’s one of the stories in her new book: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. I pre-ordered the book on iTunes, so it downloaded as soon as it was released. I finally got around to reading it earlier this week before I started studying for finals. I loved it! And, based on the New York Time’s Bestseller list Combined Print and E-book Nonfiction for May 6 (It’s still April, right?), I’m not the only one. It’s currently ranked #1.

I won’t go into too much detail about the book, but I encourage you to read it. It’s a collection of stories about her youth, her current life, and her obsession with taxidermied animals.

It is hilarious. Several times I laughed so hard that I had tears rolling down my face. Some of my favorite lines include:

“Lisa giggled and stuck her hand up the ass of the dead squirrel.” in the chapter Stanley, the Magical Talking Squirrel.

“No one called me back, probably because none of them could find an elegant way to say, ‘You left your turkey baster in that cow’s vagina.’ ” in If You Need an Arm Condom, It Might Be Time to Reevaluate Some of Your Life Choices.

“Then one night we used the baby’s head as a bong.” (talking about a doll’s head) in Draw Me a Fucking Dog.

“Check your vagina. Does it look kind of broken? If so, you probably had a baby.” in My Vagina is Fine. Thanks for Asking.

“I thanked her, but explained that I’m not a hiker and was just looking around for dead bodies.” in I’m Going to Need an Old Priest and a Young Priest.

“I countered that it didn’t seem ‘common’ to have to protect your dead dog by going after a vulture with a machete. My mom said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous. Where would a vulture get a machete?’ ” also in I’m Going to Need an Old Priest and a Young Priest.

Now that we have our schedule (and learned that all the Legal Rhetoric sections use the same book), I was able to buy my books. That was about $500 distributed across Amazon.com, the American University bookstore, and some discount bookseller who seems to be the only one capable of shipping the last book in less than 2 months.

I also bought a backpack for about $80. It has seventeen pockets, including a padded computer section with a divider. (I guess that’s so I can carry two laptops or my laptop and my iPad.) It holds 24 liters according to the label. That should allow me to carry giant casebooks for class. I believe it also expands into a two-person tent in case of rain, but that may have been a feature of one of the other 10 backpacks I looked at.