Monday, April 2, 2007

Bizarro World

Too many words. There are just too many words, more than I can manage right now, required to tell the story - stories - of the Magical MommyBlogger Mystery Tour, Kentucky Edition. It was wonderful, amazing, fascinating - all those good things that you love (or hate) to read about.

But I can't tell those stories right now, because I'm a little bit distracted, sitting in my office at school, waiting for my husband to come and pick me up and take me to the hospital to investigate some mysterious chest pain, having had a long and disturbing telephone call with an ER resident about my symptoms. I'm - what's the term? - wigging out, just a little bit.

All that I can do is wait, and nervously wring my hands. I'm anxious. Is it bizarre that I'm blogging right now, as I wait to be ferried to the hospital? I can't think what else to do.

Ironic, or perfectly fitting, that, after a weekend of analyzing mommyblogging and spinning fascinating theories about what is mommyblogging and why mommyblogging and what is writerly about mommyblogging, this mommyblogger is reduced to blithering and spewing stream-of-consciousness babble?

I'm anxious. I hate doctors. I'm a worrier. I've barely seen my baby since I returned home. I'm worried, and I don't want to go to the hospital, I want to go home to my baby.

I need you to tell me this: that I'll be fine. That it's fine for me worry. That I'm not crazy for writing through this immediate, impossible anxiety on a blog. That it's all just fine.

It's all fine, it will all be fine.He'll be here soon; I need to pack up and go.(breathe deeply, and hit publish...)UPDATE: I have not, it seems, had a heart attack. I had a lot of the same symptoms, but they did all variety of unpleasant test - blood, heart traces, ECG - and there was no discernible damage to my heart (other, I suppose, than that wrought by my anxiety) and so no evidence of an attack. They don't know what happened; I'm going to the doctor again this afternoon. But at least the immediate worries have been allayed.Thank you so, so, so much for your concern and your support, and your understanding. Friends, all of you.

Remember that whenever you talk to a doctor about anything even remotely involving the words "chest pain" they are going to send you to the ER no matter what to make sure their butts are covered. Even if you are their friend. If you are withit enough to write, you'll be fine. If you are okay with internet hugs, I send you one, and if you aren't, forget I mentioned it, okay?

I'm sure you're fine. I'm sure you're fine. Did that help at all? Well, how about if I tell you I had a mysterious chest pain experience a few years ago and it turned out to be a pulled muscle in a very misleading place?

A couple of years ago, I was convinced I was on the verge of a massive heart attack. After a lot of worrying which could have been circumvented if I had just taken my butt to the doctor, it was found that I had GERD, thanks to a nice little hiatal hernia, courtesy of my 9lb 5oz. Diminutive One. I got some Nexxium, and boy, did I feel better.

I'm sure it's nothing serious.

You have to be fine and come back because I need to ask you how you get in on all these fantastic blogging thinktank opportunities. :?)

I can't imagine that this is too serious if you're still able to write coherently. No, it's not a clinical diagnosis, but it seems like something that should be in one of those diagnosis flow charts. Able to blog? Follow the arrow to a lesser problem.

I do remember thinking I was having heart problems when I was an undergraduate. Turned out to be too much caffeine.

Well, as scary as it is, it's likely nothing. I get SEVERE chest pain as part of my deelightful anxiety attacks, for example. Another friend has severe heartburn that causes her bad chest pain. There are all sorts of way more likely minor causes than it being something serious in an otherwise healthy woman in her 30s. But I'll keep you in my prayers, regardless.

You'll be fine. It is ok to worry, but don't over do it, because you'll be ok. :)

Also, to tag along with everyone else's chest pains that aren't a big deal stories, my mom was taken, by ambulance, to the hospital several years ago with chest pains so severe she couldn't breathe. The cause? She'd had leftover chinese AND mexican food for dinner the night before, giving her a hellish case of heartburn. The look on the doctor's face when she told him what she'd had for dinner is one I won't soon forget.

one more thing that mommy blogging may or may not be...a filler for all the moments when we're just waiting. Now you can add to your report card "makes good use of time." Don't forget, you're fine, very fine.

Oh, I hope I didn't pass the plague on to you. It started out with chest pain (heaviness in the chest), and then went from there to coughing, laryngitis, sinus pain, fever, runny nose, and finally debilitating headache (the fun part you got to witness). If you develop any of the above symptoms, I will feel VERY GUILTY!

One time I almost drove myself to the hospital in the middle of an all-day meeting for work. I was convinced that I had appendicitis and was going to need to make arrangements for someone to pick Petunia up from daycare, etc. I thought, 'God, I hope I make home to Virginia to go to the hospital because getting stuck in one in Maryland would suck.'

I'm sure it's just heartburn or gas or something equally annoying but not as serious as you know, congestive heart failure or anything...

I'm going to stop.

You are going to be okay.

And when you get home and cuddle with the WB and the hubs is making you tea and rubbing your feet, you are going to log on to your laptop and come see me in my spanking new digs. (Which has a new addy as well.)

yes, it will be totally fine. and yes, it is completely understandable to write your way through the anxiety. we've all written through some nasty sh- er, stuff, and we all get it. i'll send lots of good thoughts.

Of course its normal to worry...and equally normal to be blogging while worrying. I'm hoping, hoping that is it absolutely nothing and you'll be back soon with an update and lots of stories! If you aren't back soon, then I'll have to start worrying!

Catherine, I am sure you are going to be okay. I know with my anxiety, I get severe chest pains. Also had to do my stint in the er and found out I had a bruised sternum. NO idea how that happened. Just relax and remember there are a lot of reasons for chest pains that are NOT something to wig out about.

Adding a note (I think I'm #40) to the best wishes column. If it isn't serious, don't be embarassed -- the last heart attack I didn't have turned out to have been caused by lugging a heavy briefcase through too many terminals.Hugs!

It's probably nothing serious. Maybe just a little inflamation of the lining of your rib cage, or just gas, or reflux. Dh just got diagnosed with reflux. But getting it checked out is the best thing to do... Let us know what happens.

I know you're ok. Since you haven't checked back in that means they made you wait forever at the ER, which means they didn't think it was serious. They always take the most dire people first, leaving the ones who maybe only need a little medicine to wait for hours on end! Right?

I bet - and of course hope - that you will be fine. But I also know the panic that chest pain can cause because this summer, after two days of chest pain, I was seriously debating heading out to an ER when the next day, a serious chest cold hit me. It was clogged-up bronchi, and a week of disgusting hacking later, all was well. I hope that's all you've got - a chesty version of the change-of-season cold. Yes, I'm an optimist, but I believe this to be true, too. Please let us know, though, okay? Fingers crossed, despite the pink glasses...

I thought I should give you guys an update. They could find nothing wrong at the hospital. They did an exam, blood tests, ECG etc. Her health is apparently fine. We are wondering if it was just muscular cramping of some kind. It was an exhausting day and the Bad One sleeps, which is good. I'm sure she'll have a more comprehensive update for you tomorrow, along with details of our most excellent ER adventure.Good night, all.K

oh gosh catherine i hope everythings ok?!when i was in hospital with my little one i had a severe panic/anxiety attack.having never had one i thought it was my heart.anyways the nurses came running and had to give me oxygen as i couldn't breathe and was sure i was a goner...any how i'm nervous and blabbing so sorry.sure hope you are alright.LAVENDULA

I'm so glad you are immediately fine but sorry you don't have any answers yet.

At least the trip was great.

I went through a similar thing in my early 20s and finally got a costochondritis diagnosis (http://www.emedicinehealth.com/costochondritis/article_em.htm) Felt like I was having a heart attack and couldn't lift my rib cage to breathe. I'll never forget that feeling. ARGH

Whoa! So glad you are checking it out. So glad you didn't have a heart attack! I had chest pain after my baby was born, but no one could find anything wrong despite hours of grueling tests. (And that awful nitro cream. Did they put that on your chest?) Hope you can spend some time with Wonderbaby soon.

This happened to me once. I was 35. Ish. (Don't remember exactly.) It turned out to be costochondritis, which is (get this) an inflammation of the cartilage that joins your sternum to your rib cage. Cause unknown. The shooting pain down my left arm that happened at the same time, and scared me batshit witless? Caused by driving a stick-shift car in rural Great Britain, where the steering wheels are on the WRONG SIDE OF THE VEHICLE. I challenge you to come up with a story any weirder.

Sending you good wishes as well. And I had costochondritis as well (same as Tracy). It's scary.

I thought I was having a heart attack last spring. I ended up in the ER and after lots of tests, more trips to docs, mammograms and ultrasounds, we found out that I just pulled a muscle in my chest from carrying my baby on the left side all the time.

You all - you all rock - all yur words help so much. HEART SO TIRED. Figuratively. You're helping hold it up.

(To those of you who suggested this - I asked docs about costochond today. There's no tenderness, so it's doubtful it's that. The symptoms were dead on heart attack - textbook - but it wasn't that, because my heart tests healthy. Mystery. Hurts my head. WonderBaby hugs help. So do bloggy friend hugs.)

Oh goodness- I can't believe I missed this! I am glad to hear that you did not have a heart attack.

I had chest pains similar to what you describe about a year ago-- very intense, very scary-- and I wound up being diagnosed with costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage around the sternum; it's a stress injury that is apparently very common in mothers of small children-- ESPECIALLY mothers of small children who like to flail around a lot, and especially mothers who have really poor posture when they are sitting in front of their computer reading blogs with a squirming child on their laps . . . Not that you or I would fit that description, of course . . .