Being a conservative means a president shouldn’t pay attention to public opinion when he is doing what he believes is right for the country. (Strike all this if the president is a Democrat, in which case it is a treasonous act.)

Being a conservative means supporting the right to deny pre-existing conditions.

Being a conservative means someone else dying for your country is noble and patriotic, but my paying taxes for it is obscene.

Being a conservative means it’s okay if I do it because I am conservative.

Being a conservative means you get to yell your talking points and write in all caps, especially the word "liberal."

Being a conservative means pretending the Republican party was born the night Ronald Reagan was elected.

Being a conservative means putting your car in reverse, driving backwards through a bunch of weeds, and complaining that it isn’t the beautiful parkway you swear used to be there.

Being a conservative means knowing that everything that was bad up to 2006 was Bill Clinton’s fault; everything bad that happened from 2007 to 2009 was Nancy Pelosi’s fault, and everything after that is Barack Obama’s fault.

Being a conservative means having absurdly high standards for Democrats and pretty much the lowest standards for myself.

Being a conservative means criticizing the tiniest details of any Democratic plan, but talking in only huge generalities about my own plans.

Being a conservative means I can accuse Pres. Obama of being divisive because I didn’t vote for him and he won anyway.

Being a conservative means I can view all things I don't understand with contempt and not have to make the effort to change.

Being a conservative means I know I was right not to share my toys as a child.

Being a conservative means I am not a racist--black people are the real racists.

Being a conservative means the news I don't like hearing is just liberal propaganda.