Professor Patti Adler has been offered a buyout by the university because of a supposedly racy and offensive skit about prostitution she put on this semester in her “Deviance in U.S. Society” class. This comes as a surprise to many who assumed that if a university was forcing out a sociology professor, it would simply be because the school had to cut funding to frivolous, non-essential, pointless subjects such as sociology, or Care of Magical Creatures.

According to The Daily Camera, school officials felt that Adler’s class skit made students feel uncomfortable, and that their grades might be affected should they choose not to participate.

“In this case, university administrators heard from a number of concerned students about Professor Adler’s ‘prostitution’ skit, the way it was presented and the environment it created for both students in the class and for teaching assistants,” CU Provost Russell Moore wrote in an email to students, faculty and staff on Monday. “Student assistants made it clear to administrators that they felt there would be negative consequences for anyone who refused to participate in the skit. None of them wished to be publicly identified.”

The details of the skit are somewhat vague, but investigators for the university who attended the lecture in question informed administrators that students portrayed many different roles, from your run of the mill herpes addled streetwalker all the way to an Eastern European sex slave whose father clearly wasn’t Liam Neeson.

While I’m not sure exactly how this skit played out, I like to imagine that it was essentially like a grade school pageant about the Founding Fathers, except with hookers.

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American Hooker: I am a prostitute, I roam the avenue, for a small fee, I will have sex with you. You can find me on the street, you can find me downtown, I’ll do stuff with feet, just please don’t kill me and bury my body in the woods.

Pimp: (boisterous) I am this kind woman’s pimp! My coat is chinchilla! If she ever tries to leave the life, I surely will kill her! But we all straight though, and if not, I’ll slap that ho. Pow! That bitch betta pay me, BITCH PAY ME NOW!

Tranny Hooker: If you like what you see, come over here and chat, you say you’re looking to try something new? Yeah, I think I can help with that. You’ve never done this before? HA! Sure! Heard that once or twice. Now pay me double what I asked before I tell your fucking family what you’ve done, yes, that’s the price.

Eastern European Sex Slave: (in bad Albanian accent) I am not liking making sex, I was kidnapped by pirates from cruise ship wreck. Now I greatly addicted to heroin and meth, so I ask the God I know is not there for sweet release of death.

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According to reports, that actually wasn’t far off.

During the skit, one of the actors playing a prostitute spoke in an Eastern European accent and said she’d been sold into sex slavery, Adler said.

Also during the skit, an actor portraying a male prostitute used the word “faggot,” Adler said, and the actor pretending to be a pimp said that “the bottom of his shoes would make a bitch’s face look like a wavy Lay’s potato chip.”

Oh sociology, are you ever not a joke? If I were a Colorado tax payer, or, better yet, a student in that class, I wouldn’t be offended at the skit, but I would definitely be offended that I had to pay for it with money and time.

“The bottom of these crocodile loafers gon’ stomp that bitch’s face ’til it looks like a wavy Lay’s potato chip!”

Adler, of course, disagrees with the university’s view and believes she is being forced out unnecessarily by an overly sensitive administration. At the center of her argument for the skit’s legitimacy as a learning tool is “freedom of education.” The university, however, contests that her supposed forcing or implied forcing of students to participate is somehow a violation of the school’s sexual harassment policies. This, however, is the reality:

– No, possibly losing participation points (or rather, not gaining participation points) for not wanting to be a part of the skit is not sexual harassment. Not any more than not wanting to study about prostitution but being forced to know material about it for a test is sexual harassment, the ultimate threat being that not studying about it will lose you points in an examination. It’s a social deviance class for pete’s sake. Those whiny students had to know what they were getting into.
– No, the skit is not a legitimate learning tool. The skit is stupid. Really, really stupid.
– Sociology is really, really stupid.
– CU is really, really stupid.

Rob Fox (né Bacon) is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. Rob is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

To the writer:
1. Fact check before you make a fool out of yourself, everything you said about Adler is misinformed.
2. University of Colorado is ranked higher than University of Missouri where you attended “with honors.”
3. You are kind of fat, take a lap.

To the girl who made an account on TFM just to talk shit:
1. Every single detail I wrote pertaining to this story was taken from your newspaper. You might want to take up any misinformation issues out there with them, not the guy writing jokes about it.
2. I actually wrote “without honors” in my bio. Your higher ranked university should probably teach you how to read.
3. I just looked up your Facebook profile. I’ve had hotter.