Phyllis Rodriguez's son Greg was one of the 2,759 people who died in the World Trade Centre in 2001. The following year she and other relatives of victims of the New York attacks met Aicha el-Wafi, whose son Zacarias Moussaoui received a life sentence for his role in the hijackings. Rodriguez is involved in the Forgiveness project, a non-religious, non-political group that catalogues stories of forgiveness.

How did you first meet Aicha el-Wafi?

The meeting was arranged through two human-rights groups. Aicha had requested a meeting with any family members of victims who were interested. We agreed - on condition that it would be very private.

What happened at the meeting?

When she arrived, we embraced each other and we cried, and then we all sat and she told her story.

What was the first thing she said to you?

She expressed her sympathy for our losses and apologised. She said: "I don't know if my son is guilty or innocent, but I'm sorry for what happened to you."

Was it what you wanted to hear?

I didn't expect her to apologise. I didn't hold her responsible. The people who I would love to hear that from are the ones who died in the attacks, who sacrificed themselves. I don't know that I would even insist on their apologising. I really wish I could have a dialogue with them, to understand what made them act that way.

Have people been angry at your willingness to forgive?

Yes, some people have been. I've been accused of being a bleeding heart liberal. I've been accused of not thinking seriously about what I am doing because it violates the memory of my son and those who were killed. Many people hold Aicha indirectly responsible and I feel that she's not responsible. First of all, I do not believe that her son had anything to do with it - there was no evidence, even though he pleaded guilty. But even if he were, she's a mother, she did her best. I have never known a person well who was so abused in her marriage and in life and who fought and survived and kept her positive, generous nature.

Would you be able to have a similar relationship with the mother of one of the actual hijackers?

I would be happy to attempt it if any of them were interested. I would like them to see me as human, to see that I don't hate them. If there were any chance to meet them I would.

Why forgive?

I think that, on a very intimate level, it helps me.

Is there a danger you are letting off those responsible?

No, I would not let them off. I would want them to pay, I would want them to have a fair trial, I would want them to have appropriate punishment, I would want society protected from dangerous people.

Do people confuse forgiveness with lack of punishment?

Yes, they do.

Is Aicha the nearest you can get to one of the men who did it, or perhaps to your son?

More to my son, because I identify with her as a mother trying to save her son, and I couldn't save my son and I admire her efforts to save hers and I would have done anything within my power to save mine. Another thing is she understands loss, she's had a life full of tragedy. Through this awful accident of history we were brought together. That keeps him close.

Are you more political now?

No, I don't think I am more political, but I question a lot of stuff.

In your head, do you choose not to go back to that day?

It's painful.

If you had five minutes with President Bush, what would you say?

What I would say to Bush is this: "The military actions that you have taken, the Patriot Act that you have pushed through, those were not in the name of my son. I do not support this. You didn't ask me; I wish you had asked me what I would have suggested in the name of my son. I do not feel that what you have done has made us safer - on the contrary, I feel less safe now. History has shown us, and international experience has shown us, that violence and repression do not make the world a better place."