argylez:WinoRhino: Lunaville: I hated those parties so much. Now they have a normal afternoon office party with some snacks, non-alcoholic beverages and a silly gift exchange. No spouses or kids attend and they get off work an hour or two early. Thank G-d!

This is a joke, right? Like from a movie I haven't seen or something? One where the wife is a complete psycho hose beast, kicks her husband in the testicles a lot and complains he's no fun when he asks her to stop for at least one night? And then she's completely shocked when she finds him in bed with a woman who is actually fun and offers a break from the super-regimented sex-only-on-alternating-Saturdays routine? Right?

lol - THIS.

/I'm sure she's blast at parties

Are you people nuts? I defy you to spend 6 hours at a mandatory "party" and consider that reasonable. There are people on this thread that won't even go to their own company parties for heavens' sake.

Last year we rented out Six Flags, which sounds cool except it was cold and raining, and I was out of town. This year is a Vegas theme apparently, so probably craps and blackjack, etc. but it's at our headquarters, in a huge convention type space. They're usually ok. Get a few drinks free included, then slip the bartender a few bucks to keep em coming. Always good post parties, but my co-workers like to drink. A lot,

Usually a few snack platters, drinks, cookies, and what not put out in the lobby with some decorations on the last day that isn't explicitly a holiday. No awkward party atmosphere, no loud kids, just a chance to wish people a nice time and grab a bite. Vastly, preferred to the alternatives.

Lunaville:argylez: WinoRhino: Lunaville: I hated those parties so much. Now they have a normal afternoon office party with some snacks, non-alcoholic beverages and a silly gift exchange. No spouses or kids attend and they get off work an hour or two early. Thank G-d!

This is a joke, right? Like from a movie I haven't seen or something? One where the wife is a complete psycho hose beast, kicks her husband in the testicles a lot and complains he's no fun when he asks her to stop for at least one night? And then she's completely shocked when she finds him in bed with a woman who is actually fun and offers a break from the super-regimented sex-only-on-alternating-Saturdays routine? Right?

lol - THIS.

/I'm sure she's blast at parties

Are you people nuts? I defy you to spend 6 hours at a mandatory "party" and consider that reasonable. There are people on this thread that won't even go to their own company parties for heavens' sake.

My wife's company party was a blast! Food, adult drinks, and fun. We stayed for the gambling (play money for prizes). It was so much fun, I can't wait until this year. They had professional tables, with craps, texas hold em, 21, and even video taped horse racing. I would estimate we were there for about 5-6 hours. Maybe you are just a sour puss?

I said "It won't be any fun if you have to drag us along. You just go and have a great time and I'll stay home with the kids." Nope, that didn't fly. Too many people in the office were "excited to meet the kids".(Your husband insisted you come along because people wanted to meet the kids.)

"I didn't drive at the time so going to the party meant the kids and I were stuck until my husband decided to leave."(Damn mean-spirited husband hijacking you.)

At any rate, you go on and on about how the people at the party were mandating you stay. Did you ever think that possibly... just possibly... your husband wanted to stay? Doesn't sound like he gets much joy otherwise.

I lost it snapping "We've been here 6 hours! This is not a party. This is a work day. I want to be reimbursed!"(Because normal, generally happy people behave this way...)

Artisan Sandwich:Egoy3k: Our holiday party is over lunch and since I plan to go back to work afterwards I don't get to drink. I'm a department head in a manufacturing plant with unionized employees. If I made anybody unhappy in the past few months (which is impossible NOT to do unless I stay home from work) I can expect them to file a grievance about me being at work with alcohol in me.

Wow. You and I have so much in common it's frightening. Being in charge of unionized employees is........ challenging.

Yeah a common question in our plant is, "If this is a good union what is a 'combative' one like, and who are these superhumans who mange them?"

JusticeandIndependence:They had professional tables, with craps, texas hold em, 21, and even video taped horse racing. I would estimate we were there for about 5-6 hours. Maybe you are just a sour puss?

I won a Gary Fisher mountain bike at a similar event. I could NOT lose at craps that year! And then a bunch of us rented a suite in the hotel where the party was, and we kept it going until 3am when we were ordered to shut it down. People were sleeping in the middle of the floor in tuxes on throw pillows. I was riding my bike around the suite. Talk a bout a damn good company party.

Lunaville:argylez: WinoRhino: Lunaville: I hated those parties so much. Now they have a normal afternoon office party with some snacks, non-alcoholic beverages and a silly gift exchange. No spouses or kids attend and they get off work an hour or two early. Thank G-d!

This is a joke, right? Like from a movie I haven't seen or something? One where the wife is a complete psycho hose beast, kicks her husband in the testicles a lot and complains he's no fun when he asks her to stop for at least one night? And then she's completely shocked when she finds him in bed with a woman who is actually fun and offers a break from the super-regimented sex-only-on-alternating-Saturdays routine? Right?

lol - THIS.

/I'm sure she's blast at parties

Are you people nuts? I defy you to spend 6 hours at a mandatory "party" and consider that reasonable. There are people on this thread that won't even go to their own company parties for heavens' sake.

I'm kind of your side on this. I would look for every possiblility to get out of a wife's or girlfriend's office party. "Mandatory party" is a phrase that shouldn't exist.

No company party here, ever. And I'm great with that. The two supervisors from our little group invite all of us down to the local brewpub starting about an hour before we would usually leave work and pony up for decent hot snacks and drinks for a couple of hours at most. You are free to go or not go, stay for one drink or six. The nice part is I actually LIKE the people I work with, and we work some long hours during the year. The opportunity to just relax for an hour over a drink is fun.

We are having potluck lunch this friday, which is always awesome because it involves the whole group, about 35 people (as opposed to my little subset group of about 14 people) of many nationalities. We set up in the auditorium and everything else (soda, tableware, etc) is provided. Big lunch and tons of home made goodies! Then we all go back to our desks after a couple of hours and fark off till time to go home.

Fark it, after work is "my time". If I have to work and get something done, that's one thing. I've never left in the middle of something (I've worked through the night many times). But stay during my own time for that? No thanks.

Same goes for "team lunches".. If I can really blow off 2hrs, let me work instead then leave at 3. No dice? Ok then. Now I see, you're just flipping things to obligate me to work late instead.

Life is too short. Family and friends get priority. I don't see enough of either as is. I'm not going to impress the boss after hours.

I'm positive I won't regret this on my death bed. Nobody in the world has regretted not showing up to office parties.

I feel the same way. When one of our executives starts gushing about how we are a family, I vomit in my throat a bit. My workmates are workmates and nothing more. They aren't my friends and they damned sure aren't my family. I can understand that younger people may make friends at work and want to spend time with them, but I think it would be better to spend that time outside of a corporate gathering. And one has to be careful. Our CEO watches people like a hawk at these functions. If he thinks you've got drunk, you won't get fired, but you can sure kiss any promotions goodbye. To me, this alone made it not worth the risk. I'll work at work and party elsewhere, with real friends.

ahchoo:God Is My Co-Pirate: We have the shiattiest office parties ever. Like, legendarily bad. We pay for our own food, there's no alcohol, and we're expected to be back at our desks by 2:00 p.m. Nothing like watching stone-cold-sober civil servants do the macarena at lunch time. One year we had a magician going table-to-table doing tricks with elastic bands. He kept trying to guess which card we'd chosen, and failing. After four wrong attempts we just asked him to go. Then the fat girl in HR sings carols.

Another year, we had to make nativity scenes out of the food and centrepieces on our table. I carved a baby Jesus out of a butter pat and hollowed out a bread roll for his manger. Again, sober.

A friend of mine's office is doing an HR "fun training session" plus a potluck.

I swear to god, I don't know what I'd do without the scotch in my desk drawer.

EVERYBODY PANIC:A party for the end of the world 12-21-12 Mayan Calender theme sound way more fun than the usual holiday party. Too bad it's a one-time event (non-event) as it's cost prohibitive to create single-use costumes. But there's always the fallback possibilities of booze and chicks, so my party trumps yours. Ho ho ho!

I will be hosting a winter soltice/end of the world pagan boozefest. No coworkers invited.

Sounds like a nightmare having to drag young children to a mandatory company party - the worst "social" event known to Man - and be treated like an insubordinate worker bee for not participating in the forced frivolity.

There's a connection between sterilizing all the "holidays" from the precious little snowflakes like atheists and others who are hurt...hurt I tell you at the use of the word Christmas in an office setting. Aaarrg the pain. It hurts. It hurts. The rest of us say, the heck with the charade, I'll just go celebrate Christmas with all my friends and family and really enjoy myself instead of pretending like it ain't Christmas, but magical holiday land. Pffft.

There's your problem. Academics are notoriously kook-a-loo. Anywhere I've worked, half the faculty don't even show up to social functions because they are feuding with other faculty, universally disliked, or just incapable of interacting socially with others in any setting.

Businesses almost cannot win in any scenario, there will always be someone who is pissed off. We put it up for a vote and let everyone choose what they wanted to do, party, get an extra day off, work the full day but get a mini-bonus etc. Considering not everyone voted the same way, even picking the one that the vast majority chose makes whomever voted for the other options really, really mad that they thought their opinion didn't matter. OR, you have a party and there are scheduling conflicts and XYZ person or their spouses cannot go because of personal plans, so they feel the entire party needs to change dates or times to accommodate them, which isn't possible because nobody's schedules align. It is way easier to tell everyone stfu, this is what we are doing this year. The democratic approach is terrible.

For all of those complaining about bonuses, be happy you have a job. We had some folks that complained. Let's see, cut bonuses and pay slightly - orrrr let people go? Management took 10x the pay cuts that everyone else did, still that doesn't matter, employees are still upset and are selfish. We used to do bonuses and have the whole Vegas themed party with Flat Screen TVs, Blu Ray players etc as prizes. Everyone loved it, but began to EXPECT IT. You ARE NOT FARKING GUARANTEED THAT SHIAT.

At least now business has steadily picked back up so the pay cuts have gone away and raises have been occurring. No real party, nice lunch and off the remainder of the day. Alcohol, 1:30 - 2:00 tops and done. Everyone here has a great work relationship and lots of small groups with personal friendships. I have never understood going all out on a Christmas party itself though, that is a waste of money.

The eggs will seal up your colon like a block of cement, allowing the sausages to ferment until they produce enough gas to blow past the egg block. Once that happens all you can do is call the fire department and the haz-mat team.

Sounds like a nightmare having to drag young children to a mandatory company party - the worst "social" event known to Man - and be treated like an insubordinate worker bee for not participating in the forced frivolity.

What? You don't love forced interaction with people you don't know and having some "company appropriate" fun? What a lame-o. I'll bet you'll feel pretty stupid when you hear Bob won a free sandwich coupon at Subway.

delsydsoftware:If office holiday parties didn't seem like they were organized by unemployed guidance counselors or kindergarten teachers, we might enjoy them more. Our office went with option C recently, which is the option where you spend no money on employees at all and wonder why they start leaving in droves.

My office just has a weekend party with our sister office, switching the location every other year. We get free food and some free drinks (provided by whatever office director gets to host that year), I got a sorbet and ice cream maker in the white elephant that the SO and roommate actually use on a regular clip, and if you don't want to show up you don't have to.

We get 5 or 6 days off (3 or 4 paid) for Christmas/NYE so I'm cool with the arrangement.

/no bonus though//could just cash in vacation days and give myself one I suppose

Volunteered to take Santa pictures at my kid's school just to get out of the office Christmas party. I've been having to get creative with my excuses in the past years, but this time I honestly have something to do.

Lunaville:One year at one of these functions some twit announced a "mandatory" softball game and tried to bully me into playing softball. After a few polite attempts to decline, I snapped "I don't work here." Unashamed she shot back with "Your husband does." I was so pissed I shouted several feet across to my husband "Get your resume in tip-top shape tonight!"

So for next time, instead of emasculating your husband in front of the people and relationships that define his career, maybe just politely say: "sounds like fun!" and tell your husband afterwords that you's rather not, and enlist him to come up with a creative excuse.

Lunaville:The supervisor of my husbands' department walked up and tried to stop us from leaving. He'd been drinking and was in a fabulous mood. I lost it snapping "We've been here 6 hours! This is not a party. This is a work day. I want to be reimbursed!" We left quite quickly after that.

See above.

You seem to be completely devoid of social grace. And this is coming from one of the rudest and arrogant people I know: me.

I assure you, your husband took a lot of shiat for your behavior, and probably still does. That is, unless you are divorced, in which case I am sorry for the kids, but good for him.

Businesses almost cannot win in any scenario, there will always be someone who is pissed off. We put it up for a vote and let everyone choose what they wanted to do, party, get an extra day off, work the full day but get a mini-bonus etc. Considering not everyone voted the same way, even picking the one that the vast majority chose makes whomever voted for the other options really, really mad that they thought their opinion didn't matter. OR, you have a party and there are scheduling conflicts and XYZ person or their spouses cannot go because of personal plans, so they feel the entire party needs to change dates or times to accommodate them, which isn't possible because nobody's schedules align. It is way easier to tell everyone stfu, this is what we are doing this year. The democratic approach is terrible.

Why not do a multi-step process? Have a first round of open suggestions and take the top, I dunno, four. Have a second round where everyone votes for one of those four, then choose the top two and have a final vote between them. Everyone's vote counts, assuming they participate, though some will still complain.

Lunaville:My husbands' company used to rent out a big space and host spouses and kids. They had gambling games people could buy into and possibly win money. I'm so grateful they decided that was too exorbitant. For years, I was expected to take a portion of my pay ( I worked full time before we had kids.) to purchase a dress suitable for this occasion so I could be trotted around among people I didn't know and feign interest in a company that I did not work for.

One year at one of these functions some twit announced a "mandatory" softball game and tried to bully me into playing softball. After a few polite attempts to decline, I snapped "I don't work here." Unashamed she shot back with "Your husband does." I was so pissed I shouted several feet across to my husband "Get your resume in tip-top shape tonight!" The CEO/Owner came over and told Ms. Priss she couldn't demand a mandatory game with or without people who were actually employed with the company. My husband and I left and argued for three days. Thank G-d, I was not consuming any alcohol or the incident with Ms. Priss could have been unseemly.

Then the kids came. "Oh" I said "It won't be any fun if you have to drag us along. You just go and have a great time and I'll stay home with the kids." Nope, that didn't fly. Too many people in the office were "excited to meet the kids". We had to go. Mind you, these weren't normal two to four hour office parties. These parties lasted for hours and hours and hours. I didn't drive at the time so going to the party meant the kids and I were stuck until my husband decided to leave. After four miserable hours with two babies, who were highly uninterested in the party, I started to beg to go home. Several times my husband said "Well, we'd better get going." Only to have a someone senior to him say "Oh No, you can't leave yet. We haven't had the drawing for .../ the Santa visit/ the some other highlight I could not have cared less about yet." Finally, at more than 6 hours in we we ...

H31N0US:Lunaville: One year at one of these functions some twit announced a "mandatory" softball game and tried to bully me into playing softball. After a few polite attempts to decline, I snapped "I don't work here." Unashamed she shot back with "Your husband does." I was so pissed I shouted several feet across to my husband "Get your resume in tip-top shape tonight!"

So for next time, instead of emasculating your husband in front of the people and relationships that define his career, maybe just politely say: "sounds like fun!" and tell your husband afterwords that you's rather not, and enlist him to come up with a creative excuse.

You might be right, but if her husband was incapable of finding an out for his wife who clearly didn't want to be there along with 2 infants, he likely won't be able to come up with an out for this.

Lunaville: The supervisor of my husbands' department walked up and tried to stop us from leaving. He'd been drinking and was in a fabulous mood. I lost it snapping "We've been here 6 hours! This is not a party. This is a work day. I want to be reimbursed!" We left quite quickly after that.

See above.

Again, anyone who would drag their wife and infants to a "mandatory" office party and remain there for 6 hours, and would allow his colleagues to bully him into remaining, would be clueless of all but the bluntest of messages

You seem to be completely devoid of social grace. And this is coming from one of the rudest and arrogant people I know: me.

I assure you, your husband took a lot of shiat for your behavior, and probably still does. That is, unless you are divorced, in which case I am sorry for the kids, but good for him.

I'll agree that her reactions were childish, but that may have been the only way to get the message across

Lernaeus:H31N0US: I assure you, your husband took a lot of shiat for your behavior, and probably still does.

What kind of skidmarks does he work for that his wife's "behavior" is a reflection on him?

Who gives a sh*t about his wife; does he do his damn job or not?

You assume they meant boss shiat. They probably mean coworker shiat: "Bob and I are going to lunch, want to come? Hey if you want, bring the wife, I know she loves socializing," "this plan to sell X in Q4 is the worst idea since inviting Lunaville to the Xmas party," etc.