A sports fan weighs the presidential candidates

According to most pollsters, the coming presidential election is close, a "dead heat" with President Obama holding a thin lead in several crucial states. I'm really amazed. In my opinion, this election shouldn't even be close. It should be a landslide for Romney.

Why? Well, let's put this presidential election in the language of sports, which a large segment of the public can readily understand. These are the voters who have been dumbed down by our public schools, and who H. L. Mencken called the "Boobus Americanos," and what Rush Limbaugh fondly refers to as the residents of Rio Linda, Calif.

First, a football analogy concerning our economy. President Obama became our quarterback after we had an unexpected (and disastrous) first quarter. Instead of cruising toward a comfortable victory, we were down 7-0 against a surprisingly stubborn and determined opponent. So we gave the ball to Mr. Obama.

In the second and third quarters, under Mr. Obama, we gave up another touchdown plus two field goals and couldn't score any points. Our offense was weak and our defense was porous. Quarterback Obama fumbled the ball and threw interceptions. A total failure. Going into the fourth quarter, we're down 20-0.

We need to completely shut down the other team's offense; we need to protect the ball; and we need to score three touchdowns to win the game 21-20. A really tall order.

Now, we have Mitt Romney sitting on the bench. He's a proven leader and an economic powerhouse. Let's pull Mr. Obama and put in Mitt. Can Mitt get us out of our economic mess and deliver a victory? And regain our strength and respect internationally? Maybe. Maybe not. But what do we have to lose? If we keep Mr. Obama in the game, we will probably lose by an even bigger margin.

Using a baseball analogy, that's strike one against Mr. Obama. Now let's look at a boxing metaphor. Mr. Obama is the Chuck Davies of presidents. Who is Chuck Davies? Years ago a welterweight (or middleweight) emerged on the boxing scene, more or less concurrently with TV. His name was Chuck Davies, and he was a college boy who ran up a string of victories (mostly by decisions and mostly against various opponents that we never heard of).

Chuck would dance around the ring flicking out his left jab while avoiding any real slugfest. Like hitting the keys on an adding machine or cash register — catchoo, catchoo, catchung — and scoring points without really damaging the opponent.

Actually, Chuck was being carefully groomed and promoted as a new "white hope." Be he had to ring up a victory against a known quantity. Only that way could he enter the big time and maybe get a shot at the divisional title.

Chuck's promoters selected Kid Gavilan, a Cuban who had been a lightweight or welterweight champion. The Kid was older and had slowed down somewhat. But he was still a real pro. In the first round, Davies and the Kid danced around the ring without any real punching. Maybe Chuck was surprised that the Kid could keep up with him. It was boring. The fans were getting restless.

Then, in Round 2, the Kid went to work. In less than three minutes, he completely demolished his opponent in a fight that fight ended Chuck's career.

After the fight, a reporter asked the Kid what he thought of Chuck. The Kid leaned back, thought for several seconds, and in his most eloquent manner said: "Him nothing; him nothing at all."

That's Strike Two against Obama

Now, let's look at this from another perspective. Mr. Romney has been highly successful in business. He has the Midas touch. Everything he touches turns to gold. Mr. Obama is just the opposite. Strike Three. Let's vote him out of office and give the job to Mitt.