FA pledge to interview at least one thick scouser for next England manager

The Football Association has announced that the appointment of Gareth Southgate’s successor will involve the interview of a minimum of one stupid candidate from Liverpool.

The application of the so-called Rooney Rule to the England Manager’s position is aimed to highlight how few idiotic Liverpudlian footballers are appointed as football Club managers. There are none at all in the Premier League, with Charlton’s Karl Robinson and Notts County’s Kevin Nolan amongst the notable exceptions in the Football League. Although both of them could possibly come from the Wirral as even they sound far too intellectual to be from Merseyside really.

It is also hoped that the move will show brain-dead former footballers from Liverpool that there is an alternative career path to going into TV and radio. FA Chief Executive Martin Glenn said, ‘Anything that saves the public from having to listen to the likes of Micky Quinn, Jamie Carragher and Joey Barton in the future has got to be a good thing.’

In order to demonstrate that it is embracing diversity and inclusivity in all its forms, England football’s governing body is also expected to rule no applicant out on the grounds of deeply shameful past sexual liaisons.