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Complaint: Abuse of the homophone “flair” – a misdemeanor, but not a hate crime; making error permanent by printing it on 80# card stock; placing error behind acrylic shielding so as to prevent correction; placing error in a high visibility location. Additional charges: Blather in the Second Degree in the form of a nonsensical paragraph; failure to capitalize “Asianesque” as required by law.
Defendant: Crate & Barrel, SoHo.
Report: Officer was off-duty and actively engaged in the acquisition of salt and pepper dispensing equipment when the infraction was spotted. Officer approached suspect. Suspect offered no resistance because suspect is an inanimate object sitting on a shelf. Officer does not know what a Kuro teapot is.
Fine: $230 and a leather queen sleeper sofa to accommodate guests.

Preface (xvi):
"We learned that the institutions charged with protecting our border, civil aviation, and national security did not understand how grave this threat could be, and did not adjust their policies, plans and practices to …