(Closed) I got an invitation yesterday…

This is interesting as it happened to me yesterday. I opened my mailbox and was delighted to find inside my stack of mail a large, thick envelope that could only be two things-a graduation invitation or a wedding invitation. Either would have been great, but it was a wedding invite-a reception invite to be specific. I was delighted! I went to open the inside envelope and noticed that neither one said and guest. I knew that the couple was getting married, as one of the mothers is our choir director and a colleague.

I ran into her today at church and said that I was excited to get the invitation yesterday-she said, You should come and shake a leg with us, bring your fiance! I’m glad she said that because I was trying to decide what the delicate way of handling this would have been. I said to her that I was glad that she said that, I would be inviting David to come down but I hadn’t been sure if it was plus one or not. She said that they didn’t do and guests, that they just assumed that people would bring a date.

I wanted to post that here because we are all on the other side of this scenario. I’m fortunate that I know one of the mothers that well, to ask her, otherwise, it would have felt rude-um, thanks for inviting me to share in the celebration, do you mind if I invite someone else?! I know that often times due to budget, venue restrictions, guest list restrictions, etc. that Plus Ones are not invited and it is often rude to ask. So, that handled that, but I’m going to put this in my mental roladex and make sure that I will put and guest on my invites to be sure that my single friends and engaged friends, etc. know that a guest/date is invited and meant to be included. I would have never thought of it otherwise!

It’s a good thing to keep in mind, and I’m glad you were able to get it straightened out without any trouble. I’ve seen some posts here where other bees have struggled with what to do about the +1s. Here’s a couple that I found, but I’m pretty sure if you dig around there are more posts on the topic:

@Lisa – With the joys & roller-coaster ride that is wedding planning, I do think this is something that slips through the cracks sometimes – it was great that you were able to check with the mom 🙂

Another something I would like to piggyback onto your gentle reminder (hope it’s okay)…I was invited to a wedding a few years ago with my then boyfriend. I knew immediately due to his work schedule & our budget that he would not be able to attend with me, so I immediately contacted the bride’s mom to let her know that it would be just me (also mailed back my RSVP) and she was very appreciative as it was quite a large wedding so they were able to add a +1 to another friend who otherwise would not have attended alone.

Coincidently, I’m like the "bride" in this scenario. Since we didn’t do inner envelopes, I had no where to put "plus one" on the invitations. I didn’t think about this until after we’d had them printed, though. My fiance thinks most people just "know" that they can bring a guest, but I’m worried people will assume they can’t. On our RSVP cards, it does say "make your selections" (plural), but that’s the only indication. The name line only reads: M_________________. Looking back, I wish we had made it clearer, but I’m hoping that most people will assume they can or ask. I’ve also told my single friends that they could bring someone.

We put "ang guest" right on the outer envelope because we weren’t doing inner envelopes and we didn’t want there to be confusion. I’m glad she brought it up because that can be such an awkward conversation!

I just dealt with this for my cousin’s upcoming July nuptials. They had no inner envelope and my (unmarried) brother did not know whether he could invite a guest.

Note: We asked my aunt (MOG) and she said "Oh, of course!" Then I thought my brother should get this straight from the bride – and she actually told him that they had not intended for him to bring a guest and apologized.

So…. @liztwinz…I would still check this out with the bride. As we all know, sometimes there are communication break-downs between brides and moms 🙂

Wedding: September 2010 - Jewel Box in Forest Park and Windows on Washington

Somewhat of an "iffy" subject. Generally, "and Guest" or "Plus One" is on the outside of the envelope. Traditionally, most guests will assume if it is only addressed to them, that they are not supposed to bring a guest. The inner envelope should state who exactly the invitation is intended for. Obviously, many brides are opting to not use an inner envelope, but it should still be communicated in some way shape or form. This will prevent any confusion or any unwelcomed guests.