ARE YOU A MARRIED SINGLE?

Many people in relationships, without realizing, have lost their single-hood; despite the fact that they are not married. Thus, they have become what I call Married Single. On Brojid Relationships this week, you will learn if you have become one and the implications of being married single. Read on….

Don’t get my title tweeted. It wasn’t a typo. It’s deliberate. I mean it when I ask you: are you a married single? A married single is one who though not legally or traditionally married but is in a relationship where he/she has assumed the responsibility of the married.

In practical terms, a lady who is just in a relationship but cooks, washes and bedmatise with a guy is a married single. My sister, if he queries you for any call you answer or why you were on another call all the while he was calling you, he has made you a married single.

A guy who has assumed the responsibility of a husband by providing for the lady as matter of responsibility and bearing her burden as a father or husband is a married single. If she says you must be available whenever she needs to see you because she wants attention, she has made you a married single.

So, why am I asking this question?

Many people have become married single without realizing this until they begin to reap the bitter fruit of married singlehood. For instance, many girls realize what they got themselves into when the stark reality that they have lost their dignity before their supposed lover. And my guys discover this when they starts reacting to their drained pocket because they has bitten more than they can chew in acquiring a ‘wife’ before time.

I see nothing wrong with being in a relationship as a build up to marriage. But most times, marriage is delayed because one has to be ready either financially or career wise. If you allow your relationship to snow ball into married singlehood, you take up a job you are yet prepared to do.

I like to draw your attention to the difference between being in love and married. You can be in love with someone but never get married but you can’t get married with someone you are not in love with (at least, in a sane society). That’s why I don’t want to assume the role of a husband for anybody when I have not married her. There is hardly anything that is not possible.

What Married Single Lose Without Knowing

Most married single cohabit. This naturally exposes both of you to temptation of sex (that’s if that’s not what you want). Apart from the spiritual damage you do to yourself by illicit sex, it exposes you to the danger of having him see all that he loses interest in you and never marries you. Just before shout Tufia! Let me tell you that it has happened to many people! And you may not be an exception unless you do something about it.

Want Chastity in Your Relationship?

I see nothing wrong with being in a relationship as a build up to marriage. But most times, marriage is delayed because one has to be ready either financially or career wise. If you allow your relationship to snow ball into married singlehood, you take up a job you are yet prepared to do.

Please don’t think I am saying you can’t help someone you are in love with because you are not married. You can’t help but help the person; I mean love won’t let you see anything you can do for him/her and not do something. But in doing this, ensure you don’t allow him or her make you a spouse when you are not ready for it.

For instance, if you spend more money on her than you should due to other vital needs in you have to meet, you short change yourself. Also, if you have to wash and cook for him at the expense your career or education plan, you jeopardize your career and future.

Nothing wrong with being in love provided it’s at the right time and not accompanied with sex. However, we must be careful to know that the person you are in love is not your spouse and may never be your spouse. So understand that it’s not her job to cook and wash for you. My sister, know that he is neither an ATM card not you Dad whose responsibility is to meet your financial needs. But if he truly loves you, he will help you.

Please don’t think I am saying you can’t help someone you are in love with because you are not married. You can’t help but help the person; I mean love won’t let you see anything you can do for him/her and not do something. But in doing this, ensure you don’t allow him or her make you a spouse when you are not ready for it.

There is fun in being a full-time single. Waking up in the morning and you are preoccupied with your life, career, and how to achieve big goals. Spending you money judiciously and helping as many as you can with it. Not under the obligation to call three times a day. Knowing that your energy is intact and there is not risk of having impregnated someone or getting impregnated.

If someone denies you these, he/she has made you a married single. The choice of whether you want to live your single life that way is totally yours; but you want to fully enjoy being a full-time single, join me on Monday on Youth Mentoras we look at Being a Full Time Single.

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Joseph 'Brojid' Dinwoke, Radio producer/OAP at Radio Nigeria Voice96.7FM, and publicist, is the curator of Brojid.com.
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