What we learned in Week 10 of the NFL season

Could that be joy and elation rolling through my body as I watch this NFL game?

I don't comprehend.

This was the NFL's best week of the season, and it's not even close.

Considering that it started in a Ravens-Browns hole which was followed up by Rams-Jets, having such a great slate of games is even more impressive.

Let's get right into it with... OK, let's get this first one out of the way and then revel in some good football.

Justin K. AllerGetty Images

Ravens 28 - Browns 7

As far as I’m concerned, this game didn’t happen.

Was this airing of a worthless game that had no hook to anyone outside of Maryland or the masochists of Northeast Ohio similar to how ESPN will air professional bowling or poker during an NFL Sunday afternoon? A “nothing good would come from trying in that spot” sort of effort? Because Bulls-Heat wasn’t that good of a game, and I’m sure America could have used some excellent entertainment options Thursday night — anything to force us from being like Browns fans — masochistic — and watching cable news.

This game is a real bummer and at the moment it seemed to be a forebearer to another terrible weekend. Luckily, that notion was proven incorrect.

Chiefs 20 - Panthers 17

Kansas City is perhaps the least sexy team in the NFL — even the Browns are quirky — and that makes them a sneaky good Super Bowl pick in a year where entertaining football is out of the norm.

Sunday was a perfect Chiefs win — they were worked over by a fantastic Cam Newton in the first half, but then locked down defensively in the second half, shutting out Carolina.

The problem: the Chiefs couldn’t score offensive touchdowns in either half. Still, they manufactured a win with an incredible pick-six and a whole mess of field goals.

For any other team, it would be considered a disappointing effort, but it’s par for the course with Kansas City, so we can only tip our hats and presume they’ll win four or five more games like this.

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Texans 24 - Jaguars 21

Writer's note: This photo should be framed. This the modern version of Nixon and Elvis, and I couldn't tell you who's who.

When you’re trying to win a division and need to inspire some confidence in the fan base, you really want to go out there and beat the listless Jaguars by a field goal...

Great job, Texans

Now we need to discuss Blake Bortles, who has somehow gotten worse every single week this year.

I have covered the 49ers and Dolphins as a professional, spent my childhood watching the Bears, and was dragged to Rams and Chiefs games in college. I know a bad quarterback when I see one, sir, and Bortles is a terrible quarterback. I didn’t know it was possible for Blaine Gabbert to be re-incarnated with 30 extra pounds before his actual death.

Legitimately, Bortles' pick-six interception in this game was one of the worst throws in the NFL this year — a category that’s dominated by Blake Bortles.

If Gus Bradley was a competent coach, he’d bench Bortles — whose last name sounds like it will be appropriated and turned into a term to describe future first-round reaches who never pan out despite every possible opportunity (“Don’t pick him, he has Bortles written all over him”) — but he’s not, so he won’t, and the Jags will continue to lose games.

The Jaguars have now gone five straight games without forcing a turnover — the last team to fail to force a turnover in six straight games was the 1938 Lions. History could be made next week against… wouldn’t fate have it this way… the Lions.

And speaking of bad quarterbacks, Brock Osweiler threw one yard for every million dollars his contract is worth Sunday, and then tossed in another 27 yards. What a guy.

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Broncos 25 - Saints 23

Will Parks was out of bounds and Trevor Siemian isn’t long for his job. And that’s about all there is to say about that.

I also love this photo. Why is he diving?

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Rams 9 - Jets 6

Shoot this game into the sun.

And then when you get the charred remains back, start Jared Goff at quarterback.

Did he date Jeff Fisher’s daughter or something? (I seriously looked this up — he didn’t, so far as we know. Get on it TMZ!)

Leon HalipGetty Images

Eagles 24 - Falcons 15

Dan Quinn knows he plays in the worst division in football (tm) (though that title is being hotly contested this year) so he has no fear in going for it on fourth down all the time. It’s a laudable move, if terribly impractical for him keeping his job, which is done by building walls of reasonable doubt around yourself from the second you accept the position.

This win should loom huge for the Eagles, who remain undefeated at home but are squeezing by on the up-and-down (but mostly down) play of Carson Wentz, who must be relaxing a bit knowing that he’s the only first-round quarterback who is going to be worth anything this year.

Meanwhile, the Falcons remain the best team that you refuse to trust. You see them, you totally understand why they could be really good this season, but you’d be a fool for ever thinking they’d be successful. A fool!

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Buccaneers 36 - Bears 10

John Fox: still employed

It doesn’t make any sense to me either.

It’s not that the Bears were beaten by the Bucs that is shocking — it’s how they were beaten. It was a downright beatdown. Chicago’s only offensive touchdown came on a lucky Hail Mary at the end of the half. The team was unorganized and undisciplined and made slow, plodding Jameis Winston look like Michael Vick in Madden 07.

And that was off a bye week.

As for Tampa Bay, it was a solid win, but those haven’t been the issue — it’s stringing solid performances together. Let's see if they can do it.

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Titans 47 - Packers 25

The Packers are imploding, but so is every other team in the NFC North, save for the Lions, who are certainly due for a market correction, so they’re probably going to be OK — if you consider making the playoffs at 7-9 as OK.

It’s frankly sad to watch Aaron Rodgers have to take on NFL defenses all by himself, but that’s what’s happening. The Packers have a negative run game — Rodgers has run for all three rushing touchdowns this year — and his receivers cannot get open unless they have 10 seconds to improvise.

There will be more than a bit of talk this week about the Packers “quitting" on Rodgers or coach Mike McCarthy, but that’s forced narrative. It’s not as fun to say that this is a team that entered the season ravaged by injury, and now has no offensive balance but does boast one of the worst secondaries in the NFL.

Literally any coach in the NFL can scheme this Packers team to death.

Oh, hey Mike Mularkey.

P.S. Marcus Mariota is the truth — I can’t wait to see what he looks like with a coaching staff that doesn’t think it’s 1991.

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Washington 26 - Vikings 20

The Kirk Cousins late-season surge is happening, folks. Mark it down — he’s going to play his way into a four-year deal, get Washington into the playoffs and then completely melt down in that first game of the postseason.

Few things in life ever felt more predictable. Ooooooeeeeeee, it’s amazing to watch it all unfold.

Speaking of meltdowns, if you’re a 6-foot-8 person who weighs roughly 300 pounds in the Twin Cities area — I’m talking to all 250,000 of you (people in that fine metroplex are good on the plow…) — the Vikings need you to play against the Cardinals next Sunday. Call Norv — no, scratch that, just show up to the facility.

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Dolphins 31 - Chargers 24

I have no Dolphins slander this week — they played a fine game in a difficult spot. It’s never easy to travel across the nation and play a playoff-worthy team.

The Dolphins’ defense hits as hard as any in the NFL — I maintain that the best defenses pop.

The Dolphins’ offensive line has become one of the best units in the NFL in recent weeks and they deserve nothing but respect for that, because they were trash at the beginning of the season.

Behind that strong line and with a run-first game plan, Ryan Tannehill even looks good. It’s amazing how that works…

That said, the Dolphins did need Philip Rivers to throw four fourth-quarter interceptions in this contest, so don’t go handing Miami a Wild Card spot just yet.

And you can write the Chargers out of that Wild Card spot too. This is a good team — they deserve to be in playoff consideration, but in that division, they needed to be above the fray and they’re in the middle of it this season.

Rivers picked a really bad time to have a really bad game and he’ll get six more-or-less meaningless games to think about that.

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Cardinals 23 - 49ers 20

The Cardinals won, but this should feel like 1,000 losses. They made the 49ers look competent. That takes a concentrated effort.

If someone could explain how the 49ers, who boast a historically bad run defense and gave us no reason to expect improvement, held David Johnson, one of the NFL’s leading rushers, to 2.8 yards per carry Sunday?

You can’t because it defies logic.

This game was fascinating for plenty of reasons. The fact that Carson Palmer is clearly done is one of them. It all happens so fast, but it’s happened to the former Heisman Trophy winner.

This was hardly his worst performance of the year, but the Cardinals had no reason to be playing a close game with the 49ers — none — and one could argue Palmer kept San Francisco in the game.

On the other side of the field, Colin Kaepernick is exciting in a who-the-hell-knows-what-will-happen way. Kaepernick is the Jacob Silj of the NFL — he has throw immolation (also known as Kyle Orton’s syndrome) leaving him incapable of controlling the velocity of his throws.

Have you ever seen someone try to throw a 90 mile per hour fastball (Kaepernick was a solid pitcher) through a linebacker? You can if you’re willing to watch the 49ers play.

Kaepernick has looked a lot better with his reads in the offense — he’s moving his head — and he’s using his feet as a weapon, which helped tie this game late.

But make no mistake, this is all on the Cardinals — once a Super Bowl contender — looking like the New York Giants or Washington, quintessential 8-8 teams.

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Cowboys 35 - Steelers 30

A spectacular game in every sense — two teams with some actual worth facing off in a back-and-forth battle that featured the perfect amount of defense and offense.

You have to tip your hats to the NFL scriptwriters, this was a stellar showing. Give those guys a bonus.

Chris Chase is right — savor this moment — the NFL is better when the Cowboys are good — and they can thank their offensive line for that. Dak and Zeke have been stellar, but the common denominator is that o-line, which made rubble of the Steelers (who are mostly reputation, to be fair) on Sunday.

I made the case that the offensive line should be the NFL MVP (and yes, it’s totally possible for that to happen).

The Cowboys are going to need their defense, which has overachieved all year, to step it up in the coming weeks. They showed a lot of holes against the Steelers — teams are starting to figure out that secondary isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

And apparently, people in Pittsburgh are calling for Mike Tomlin’s job. Be careful what you ask for, Steelers’ fans — that man is one of the best things to ever happen to your franchise and you’ll regret thinking the next guy would help you out. With your luck, he’ll probably be woefully inexperienced and never deliver on any of his promises, only deepening the serious problems that exist.

There’s a spot-on political metaphor here, but I’ll #StickToSports.

Justin K. AllerGetty Images

Seahawks 31 - Patriots 24

This was also a spectacular game, and it was exactly what the NFL needed in that time slot. The Seahawks played an incredible game and they still needed the benefit of the doubt in the end zone to win the contest.

There was more than enough intrigue heading into the contest, but the teams provided drama — something that’s been hard to find this season.

Russell Wilson will get the accolades for the Seahawks, but Doug Baldwin is the player that deserves the love on that Seahawks offense — his three touchdown catches against New England were fair reward for his spectacular play this season. He has made Wilson look like an exceptional pocket passer, and while Wilson is a hell of a quarterback, that’s no easy feat.

And for all the credit that is being bestowed on the Seahawks’ offensive line for their performance Sunday — let’s take it down a notch or two. The Patriots’ front seven leaves a lot to be desired right now. I know we’ve all come to the conclusion that Jamie Collins was crap in the last week or so — it makes things easier — but the Patriots are missing a glue guy on defense, and while they’ll never truly be a bad defense, they will be more susceptible until that player shows himself.

Still, credit to the Seahawks — it’s hard to travel 3,000 miles and play a night game after a short week against one of the best teams in football, but they won that contest fair-and-square (I think).

And now, to lay waste to the Patriots:

There are cowardly calls, and then there’s throwing a jump-ball on fourth-and-goal from the 1. Rob Gronkowski is one of the most gifted receivers in the history of the NFL — he probably pulls that ball down half the time — but he’s going to be on an island, one-on-one, with someone smaller and weaker than him 100 percent of the time — why call a play that gives that defender a chance to make a play on the ball?

Had the Patriots run a simple drag route with Gronk, there’s next to no chance that Chancellor the Safety would have been able to make a play on a throw. Two steps, shimmy, plant, cut in — Gronk’s backside would have shielded him and Brady would have merely needed to hit his gigantic man in the chest.

Instead, they played a game of 500 in the corner hoping that if he didn’t catch it, what — there’d be a flag?

The Seahawks have spent an entire game normalizing pass interference and you think that the big, strong tight end who initiated contact is going to be able to draw a foul?

That’s either hubris or cowardice and either way, the Patriots got what they deserved out of that garbage play.