fairy land.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

i was feeling super depressed a while ago. now i'm only a little depressed.

i'm tired and i feel like my life's super empty right now. maybe it's due to piled up stress from all that happened to me this week. plus the major depression tonight. haii.

as my ym stat goes, i am not gonna be happy. or at least not right now. i dunno. all i know is that at times (or weekends) like this, i would just rush home to rizal no matter how tiring the trip is, and cuddle beside my mom as she rests on her bed as always. it was a very satisfying escape from all the work here in school, and the best way to erase all my worries and sadness. i really miss those times, but of course, there's no way i could go back.

now, there's nowhere - or nobody - to run to. i feel so helpless, i couldn't even text my siblings nor my tita. it's good that somehow, my going online wasn't so much in vain. first, there was a stranger (he's on my list, but we couldn't remember why or how we met) who inspired me to think positive though he didn't have any idea why i was depressed. and then besty went online, and i ranted all about my problems to her. she always listens to me and knows me all too well. and lastly, aj lamorena (prolly prompted by my ym stat) pm-ed to offer to text for me if ever i needed to send an important text message to somebody ('coz my phone's still wasak). it was very thoughtful of her. she really made me smile.

after seeing the result of our accounting exam after mass tonight, i got sad and immediately started making a list in my mind of things that would make me happy. but so far none of them worked. not ice cream. not "love life". not even being an instant gc and studying for my mbb exam tonight (i just couldn't focus).

oh well, i guess it's really the unexpected things that can work they're magic in lifting your spirits up when you're down. I'm still not feeling okay (or maybe i'm just hungry. i ought to eat after signing out), but everything's better. and i hope tomorrow will be better still.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

the day hasn't ended yet, and i am super wishing it would. It seems like super mega malas ko today. haii.

101 exam: I started reading last week because I know my sched's gonna be hectic this week. I was ready for the lesson and a bit late (but still just on time for me) for the exam. And for some reason the ikot jeep took forever to load and i ended up arriving super duper late. Mid-exam, my mind just shut off. I know that I was supposed to know the answers to those questions, but the answers just won't surface. It's the first exam ever that I was mental-blocked. It's unfair, to think that I've prepared relatively well for this.

Elevate. I guess you all know what happened. Haii. Sobrang fail ko.

180.1. I've set my mind on reviewing our prof's slides when I get home and spending the night as leisurely as I wish on practicing excel. But boo, I arrive at the boarding house and my sister has just left, laptop in tow. It would have been okay if our other roommate had her laptop, but of all times, she accidentally left it at home. I was desperate and texted two people and tried calling another one to borrow. Pero asa.It was all in vain and I just wasted time. Now here I am, spending the night in a computer shop. I should be pressured on finishing early so I'd spend less money and be able to go home early, but I'm super frustrated now that I just need to let this all out.

Haii. Wala namang mapag-share-an aside from Pipay. Eh I don't want to disturb her more given that she also has an exam tomorrow to prepare for.

Okay, there. I should start working now if I don't want another fail day. Kung pwede lang sanang umiyak. Kaso wala nang time.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

i'm preparing to upload tons of pictures. if you don't want to see a lot of me right now, you can skip viewing my albums. but if you do have free time, feel free to browse through my collection. oh, and leave comments. :p

i'm uploading all these from my phone because i don't have a laptop to store my pictures in (my laptop's wasak). since my bro's laptop has bluetooth and i see him rarely, i'm taking this opportunity to upload and give my phone more memory space, even if it's already 3 in the morning and i should be sleeping. need to be back in diliman by 1pm later. -_-