The Top 10 Actors I Want To Fuck From The Grand Budapest Hotel

Sometimes I think about sex, and sometimes—rarely—I actually think about things that aren’t sex. Things like Wes Anderson movies. I’m a fan! I love Moonrise Kingdom and The Royal Tenenbaums, especially. So I wasn’t expecting my dick to wake up during trailers for The Grand Budapest Hotel, his newest movie. But it did!

My dick is unpredictably zany sometimes. Or is it? I mean, there are a lot of men in this movie and a lot of them are sporting very nice facial hair, and I’ve seen a lot of them naked in other movies. Especially Harvey Keitel. There is a man who is not afraid to show the world his ass.

So, because Dewitt told me that I could write anything today, here’s my top ten list of boner-worthy actors in Grand Budapest Hotel and how I imagine that sex with them would be.

I Googled “sexy Ed Norton” a little while ago and came upon this really disturbing picture of a young lady with a Hitler mustache, swastika armband, and shirt skirt. Because of that he’s only #9, one slot behind…

It’s very well-documented that what Mr. Dafoe lacks in the facial features department, he more than makes up for with his monster horse-cock. I’m something of a size queen myself, and if you’re hung even when you’re flaccid, I’d hardly say no. I’d just request that he do me from behind.

I’m sure there’s never been a study comparing nose size to dick size, but in my own experience, guys with large honkers are also really, really fun in bed. And well-endowed. Especially the skinny ones. I can see Mr. Brody kicking back while I went to town on his dick for an hour or so before the real fun starts: a flip-fuck session that lasts all night.

Waris Ahluwalia is primarily a jeweler, although this is his third appearance in a Wes Anderson film. He strikes me as a romantic, the kind that would wine you and dine you before fucking you senseless in eighteen different positions, or more. The few glimpses of chest hair that you get in some photos lead me to believe that he might be even furrier than Jason Schwartzman.

Ralph Fiennes never struck me as particularly hot, probably because I mostly think of him as the guy from Schindler’s List, although he’s been in a ton of movies since then. He’s actually pretty dreamy, though, especially with his mustache. I bet he could give a really attentive rimjob, the kind where you’re clenching the sheets and writhing around because he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Something tells me I’m going to be alone in this, but I’ve wanted Jeff Goldblum to fuck me ever since, I don’t know, let’s say Jurassic Park. A really long time. It’s that tall skinny thing again. Plus the glasses. For some reason his glasses give me the impression that he’s rather kinky. He’s over sixty now, but I’d still suck his dick. And then film it, and release it as a sex tape called Jurassic Cock; I’m sure he hasn’t heard that one before.

Jude Law is aging very, very well. I first remember jerking off about him as the object of Matt Damon‘s twisted lust in The Talented Mr. Ripley, but he’s only gotten sexier over the ages. I’d tell you about all the unspeakable things I’d like him to do to me but, on second thought, maybe you should just use your own imagination.

don’t care for this post, since all the pics posted are very old and don’t represent what the actors look like now in the slightest
what the hell’s the point?

greengiant128

I had the pleasure (back in the 90’s) of being in the first row for the Broadway play “Indiscretions” starring Kathleen Turner and an as-of-yet to be discovered Jude Law. The 2nd act started with a Jude doing a 10 minute full-frontal nude scene. His body – every uncut chiseled inch – was incredible. He deserves the #1 spot on this list.

Fisk08

Mmmmmm…Adrien Brody!

Some One

Jude Law looks a lot like a very cute (and very dear) friend of mine in that picture…. My heart skipped a bit when I saw the pic…

Kenny

I had a Willem Dafoe under my bed once….

TheSagaOf

I only picked 4 guys out of this list that I found attractive so against the remaining 6 not-so-hot guys, I can’t say I’d go see this movie for the yummy man eye candy.

Domtoppapi

Stewie,,,,, please go to sleep…lol

Richard W

Hmmm…Florian is cute (and I do love my Germans!)…I’d gladly take Jason or Waris (fur gets me hot every time!)…Adrian oozes sex appeal and big noses ranks right up there with big ears for me (I know, I’ve got strange tastes!)…Jude is sexy as hell…finally, Ralph was so hot in The Avengers (1998) and even though he’s not so much my type now, he still had a fine ass in Skyfall. Great post – it’s always nice to read (and lust after) something different now and again.

hd

None of these guys are hot

BLACKjackHAMMER

Edward Norton still looks good as does Ralph fiennes agree with u on everything else !

GraphicJack

Edward Norton would be #1 on my list… I can allow that people will have different opinions, but putting him at #9 is a crime against humanity.