You can ask anyone you want -- Daemon, Portillo, etc. -- and they'll tell you that I only have eyes for my wife. Even a few readers have been nice enough to chime in on this very blog and tell me that: 1) My wife is hot. 2) My wife is too attractive for me. That's awesome. Thanks.

That said, what the hell is with these Bruce and Lloyd ads that are all over IGN?

Don't get me wrong, I understand what Bruce and Lloyd: Out of Control is -- to capitalize on the "Meh" reviews of Get Smart, the studio is pumping out a straight to DVD spinoff movie featuring two forgettable characters from a forgettable film. What I don't get is the chick in pink.

She pops up right after the ad says "When it comes to secret weapons, nobody does it smarter" and then we proceed to get a lingering shot of her smoothing out a way too tight, see-through pink dress.

WTF does this have to do with this terrible, terrible straight to DVD film? Is she the secret weapon? Is the dress the secret weapon? Do Bruce and Lloyd do her smarter? Just tell me, Bruce and Lloyd. I'm not going to buy or rent your film. Just tell me what this woman has to do with you guys. Have you created a ray that shrinks dresses and/or makes them stick to young, female flesh?

What is going on?

Do you understand how many times I have to refresh pages on IGN as part of my job? Do you understand how many times I've had to sit through this woman smoothing out her upper thigh? I'm beginning to feel dirty. Why are you doing this to me, Bruce and Lloyd? I already told you I love my wife. I don't want to see this lady continually running her hands over her lower body.

1) Remember those YouTube videos everyone was making a while ago using that Hitler clip and the Blu-ray victory over HD-DVD news? Well, forget those, 'cuz GameScoop listener Harris Foster has made one about Game Scoop. It actually doesn't end well for the Scoop side, but whatever.Who knew Hitler could be so funny?!

2) I love Rock Band and this really doesn't affect me as a 360 Rock Band owner, but as a PlayStation editor and fan, I'd like to give a big "fuck you" to EA/MTV/Harmonix for announcing that Rock Band 2 will have an exclusive release on 360 this September with other platforms to follow. I don't really care, but it seems unfair to the kids who already spent their money on the PS3 version.

As we headed out on vacation a few weeks ago, Katie and I lost someone very dear to us -- my digital camera.

Born in the spring of 2005, my Casio Exilim served me faithfully through my final semester and a half of college, tailgates, my first real job, Christmases, and my first year in California. She will be missed, but her memories will live on forever.

Today, I thought I'd share with you a few of my favorite memories. Maybe you'll get to know me a little bit better than just the sexy guy you see here everyday, but I really hope you get to know my camera.

OK, I'll be honest -- I'm not even sure if this was taken with my camera. I think it was, but I find most photos from Antler parties kind of run together. Anyway, this is Boops. He drank too much and is now dying in the Antler House kitchen sink. I spent four glorious years at the University of Missouri-Columbia, and all four of them were dedicated to the Antlers, a student group that goes to basketball games and screams inappropriate comments (your mother, grade school gossip, etc.) in an effort to get the other team off its game. One of the traditions of the Antlers is Caps, a drinking game that I don't feel like explaining. Anyway, I have hundreds of photos like this that demonstrate the destructive force known as Caps. This is one of my favorites. Boops wants to die, but still has the energy to flip me off. Awwwww.

After graduating all official like, my family and I wandered around Columbia and onto the Quad. There, I snapped this photo of the Columns. I hated high school -- I was popular enough, but I hated a majority of my teachers and the BS that went with attending a Catholic high school. When I came to Mizzou, I don't think I was actually prepared for how much I'd fall in love with it. The traditions, Antlers, Shakespeare's, etc. will forever be a part of me. I'm really proud to say I went there.

When you finish up your degree at MU, you have to take a Capstone class. Kind of a hands-on deal. Anyway, mine was working as a Screen editor at Vox Magazine. It was a pretty sweet gig -- assign people to review movies, make up a bunch of goofy descriptions of the flicks playing in town, etc. -- but we had to work with an awful photography department. They were just terrible and hated us. We hated them. Anyway, I was the editor on this feature, and for some reason or another, photos never got taken by our "better" halves. Thus, a few other editors and I stormed Columbia with cameras in hand to try and get content for this art in public pieces place. I grabbed this shot while waiting to cross the street. I always liked it because it captured that moment in time of doing something extremely weird in the middle of a sticky, hot summer.

That's Po. A lot of you probably recognize the name from one of last week's Game Scoop News Breaks. In it, I made up the fact that he went to college in Wisconsin (Really, it was Minnesota.) and then Database Mike had to pretend to be Po because the real guy never answered his phone. Anyway, this is Po cutting a rug at Noonan's wedding. Noonan was the first from our high school group to get hitched, and the experience was a bit weird at the time. I mean, I hadn't even finished college yet -- he just had -- and one of my friends was getting married. Don't get me wrong, his wife's great and everything, but it was still a big deal for one of us to kind of announce that they were an adult. Po, Katie, and I did our best to live up to Noonan's example of being an adult, but that ended in us attempting to drink every drink possible from the open bar. When you enter into agreements like that,

A few weeks ago, I took some vacation. It was nice and whatnot, but I knew that the break would come with severe consequences -- I'd need to leave my dog, I'd spend way too much money, and I'd have to wear a tux. However, there was one con that outweighed all the others.

I'd fall from the top of the IGN Blog rankings.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm No. 1 everyday, but I am in the top five everyday and the top three most of the time. Before the trip, I was fighting it out with Mark Bozon's quest to stop sweating string cheese and the occasional developer blog flare-up. Meanwhile, Chobot and her feminine charm kept their stranglehold on the one spot.

Well, when I returned, I planned some great, thoughtful blogs, but work, MGS4, and other crap got in the way. I accepted having to be with the Database Mikes of the world outside the top five and put up a few blog posts that were just quick hits without much value.

It turns out, you haven't forgotten about me.

Yay. Thank you. Your reward for being a regular clicker is twofold.

To begin with, you get a renewed Greg. Tomorrow I have a hush-hush demo that's going to be a big deal and eat up a lot of my day, but I'll also generate a quality post that will have funny photos, Greg history, and commentary. It'll be great -- way better than that crap Jack posts.

Your second reward is the following photo to commemorate my return to my throne.