HONESTY ISN’T ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY (I Don’t Want To Hear A Single Word About The Quote)

For some odd reason society is under the impression that because I have been diagnosed as Bipolar or I’m an Alcoholic in remission that I have a low IQ, no feelings, or I have no idea what the majority opinion is about Mental Illness and Addiction.

If people want to continue to tell a person who can’t have children they should be sterilized, have at it. But remember, if we forget History we are doomed to repeat it. Here is a History lesson.

North Carolina’s eugenics program ran from 1933 to 1977. Social workers decided who was to be sterilized.

California eugenicists sent literature oversees to Germany concerning sterilization and euthanasia. The mentally ill were the first to be experimented on with the gas chambers.

Knowing Americans were not ready for this type of action doctors found their own way around it. In Lincoln, Illinois a mental institution fed it’s patients milk infected with tuberculosis, causing a 40% annual death rate.

So is this what the World is asking for?

When strangers and family notice my scars and actually have the balls to say “You cut the wrong way” it takes everything I have not to react. I have on occasion said “I’ll remember that for next time” just to see their expression. Who the hell says shit like that? Sometimes I think I have a “Kick Me” sign on my forehead that I can’t see. Do other people experience these issues?

I love it when a newly sober member of the family starts questioning my choices, quoting AA to me, asking if I’ve made amends or taken responsibility for my actions. Am I a moron? Did I take an IQ test, get below a 70, and no one told me? I think I’ve more than made amends and taken responsibility. When you have more than a year under your belt come back and talk to me. When you go to AA for more than the pastry and socializing come back and talk to me. Better yet when you’re over your “Peter Pan” complex come back and talk to me.

I have worked hard to keep it together. Imagine a day at the library. Your car is parked facing the woods with all the Fall foliage. But you don’t see that. You see yourself hanging by your neck from hundreds of the trees. You can’t breathe, you aren’t sure what’s real, tears are rolling down your face, you’re paralyzed. The sound of a horn snaps you back. You can’t drive for another hour.

When I dream it’s vivid and mostly memories. Flashes of blood, foam, fists, my mom, people telling me to die, sex that leaves me feeling empty, hospitals, drunk dreams and more blood. I often wake up with tears already on my face.

I don’t need to be told who or what I am. The good thing about Bipolar Disorder is I actually have a slightly higher IQ than most people. I think outside the box. I’m creative. I’m also too sensitive, impulsive, irritable at times, depressed frequently with bouts of mania, and I can’t make a decision to save my life. I’m also very aware of what goes on around me. I don’t need to be told I’m ill or I need help. I actually know this. I hear it in my head everyday.

The Quote- I chose this quote because it’s an example of another talented person who was failed not only by himself but by the people around him. I know you can’t force someone to take meds or get clean but I honestly think more could’ve been done. He isn’t the only Entertainer with a Mental Health issue. So many of them self medicate they don’t realize there’s an underlying cause. Then you have the belief that their “creativity” will disappear which is reinforced by the people around them.

8 responses to “HONESTY ISN’T ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY (I Don’t Want To Hear A Single Word About The Quote)”

I’m always amazed at how people are so quick to chime in about what others ‘should’ do. Living with mental illness is SO much work. I have a lot of unaware family members who love to comment on what everyone else should be doing. It’s exhausting. Keep being you and do your best to ignore the haters (easier said than done I know…)

The level of guts and fortitude for you to write this gives me deriuos respect for you. Good for you and you are right on point. And who does say shit like that?! Ignorance at its absolute core. What is a Peter pan complex? And I thought I had guts. Write On!! I’m so glad I found your blog. You rock it

A “Peter Pan” complex is when someone refuses to grow up or insists that they are a mature adult but their words and actions say otherwise. This is usually a male. (Sorry!) I’ve never heard a female version maybe a “Tinkerbell” complex? I can’t think of a female fictional character that wanted to stay young forever right now. My brain only has short bursts of intelligence aided by a Thesaurus and Dictionary. You don’t drink heavily almost daily for 20 years without some consequences. lol

lol I don’t think I would’ve still been here not with the stuff I drank. I don’t know if you noticed the word “remission” or my “philosophy” on using that term instead of “sobriety” or “sober”. It helped me view things differently.