REVIEW: Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Crunch Brown Sugar

There’s really no two ways to say it — I was a total bum in middle school.

An average day consisted of me rolling out of bed five minutes before the bus would come, then proceeding to rest my head on the cozy corner of a freezing school bus window not ten minutes later.

This tour de force of youthful energy would continue throughout the morning, as I alternated between taking nosedives of lethargy into math tests and exercising my homemaking sensibilities by grabbing some shut-eye while baking cookies during Home Ec. By the time science rolled around after lunch, I was usually in the slow swoon of sleep’s grip and considered a safety hazard during frog dissection.

Most people would have blamed it on raging hormones. I blame all of it on a really crappy breakfast that lacked whole grains and fiber. Suffice to say, I had yet to discover the full, focused effects that come with a hearty bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats.

Since that time I’ve grown up. I’ve enjoyed the wheaty layers of Maple Brown Sugar and Blueberry, and I’ve feasted of the mini-chocolate chip and cocoa studded nuggets of Mini-Wheats Little Bites. Somewhere during that span, I actually got somewhat serious about education, and stopped constantly sleepwalking through preparing for my future. All because Kellogg’s finally found a way to deliver 20 percent of my daily intake of fiber in the convenient and yummy innards of a sugar coated biscuit.

So there you go. I’m living proof that there’s at least some truth in advertising with the whole “keep you full, keep you focused” campaign the Kellogg’s people have concocted, although thank God I haven’t actually started attempting to communicate with the little squares of wheat themselves. A Leprechaun or talking Toucan I can accept as real, but when it comes to talking and smiling wheat squares, well, now you’re just proposing nonsense.

When it comes to the new Frosted Mini-Wheats Crunch, we’re really looking at a different character from the existing versions. True, all three Wheat characters may share the same DNA, but like the British speak a totally incomprehensible language to my well trained American ears, this latest Mini Wheat looks and feels like a copy of Quaker Oatmeal Squares or Crunchy Corn Bran more than a true Mini Wheat. I’m okay with that, however, because, incomprehensible as a talking biscuit with arms and legs is, I find the concept much more pleasing than a drugged-up looking Quaker dude.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve always preferred snacking on individual biscuits of Mini-Wheats over eating a bowl’s worth in milk. The initial taste of the cereal in this snacking approach is more sweet than “lightly sweet”, with a light brown sugar taste that gets some help from malty backnotes. These backnotes make you appreciate the multigrain elements for what they’re worth, and they do an admirable job at enhancing the biscuit’s wheat and oat taste. However, the biscuits are a bit plain.

The crunch is there though. At least it’s there if you still have teeth, with thankfully I still have despite a steady stream of sugar that my dentist tells me will eventually leave me looking like the grandpa from Rugrats. When you do bite down on a singular biscuit the crunch effect registers more than any other cereal I’m familiar with — including, much to his dismay, I’m sure — any of the Cap’n Crunch varieties.

That’s not to say the crunch makes this a better cereal though, as the essential dilemma of the cereal becomes apparent after a few dry chomps. There’s a substantial and really unprecedented crunch if you choose to go in with full chompers grinding, but in that case, you fail to pick up and savor the slow transition in taste from homey brown sugar to substantial wheat and oat. Furthermore, you tend to pick up more of that corn flour aftertaste which just doesn’t mesh with brown sugar cereals.

Forget about either when it comes to eating the cereal in milk. Losing both its crunchiness and sweetness, the cereal is a total flop once you pour in the milk. The end-milk doesn’t pick up much in the way of brown sugar, while the biscuits don’t take on the glazed mouthful and sugary spike that regular Mini-Wheats do. It tastes about as great as those burnt cookies I made while sleeping through Home Ec.

It’s hard to say this cereal is a disappointment because you’ll probably find yourself finishing the box in no time (much as I did while snacking) but compared to the other Mini-Wheats flavors, it’s on the weaker end of the spectrum. I like the Crunch concept, but it needs help. Different flavors might work better and stand up in the milk, but the brown sugar aspect is a bit boring and one note. Likewise, what’s up with the shrinking boxes? A standard box of Mini-Wheats usually runs between 15-16 ounces, depending on the flavor. But this new variety only comes in a 14-ounce box.

Totally not cool, Mr. Talking new guy Mini Wheat.

How about instead of explaining how all your fiber and whole grains will keep me from flunking out of 7th grade music class, you start explaining why I’m paying more for not just less taste, but less food?

I’m 44 Years old and have eaten cereal almost daily for almost that many years. Latest favorite is Kellogg’s Special K Red Berries. I need to mention that Frosted Mini-Wheats are one of my top ten favorite cereals. My wife just brought home this new MiniWheat Crunch Brown Sugar cereal; and even though I was full from dinner, I poured myself a bowl. Right away, as I poured the cereal, I thought, these thing are shiny, hard and pale looking. But looks can be deceiving. So I poured the milk and took a bite. Yuck! What was that? I couldn’t believe the first bite tasted that bad, so I took another bite. No, I was not mistaken, Yuck! So I thought I should let them soak for a while then the flavors would blend. Well, I thought wrong. The shell of the cereal is so thick and dense and impenetrable. The texture is really like glue and cardboard. Even after soaking, I had difficulty cutting the cereal in half to allow the milk to moisten the inside. Once it did, I tried another bite and wow, the taste was the same. Nothing was going to make this cereal taste good. What Kellogg’s employee approved this cereal??!?!! All their efforts went into keeping this cereal crunchy, like some science experiment; but they forgot one thing in the process……..People eat this! I don’t remember all the bad cereals I’ve eaten over the years, but I can honestly say, as I just told my wife, this is by far the Worst cereal I have ever eaten. In fact, I’ve never been moved to write a review on any cereal before, good or bad; until NOW. Too bad.

I have eaten “Kellogg’s Shredded Wheat” cereals for YEARS and loved them!!

— but we stopped eating them a while back and I didnt buy any again until recently ( weak moment remembering the cereal I used to love )!

And I will be calling the company for a refund as their cereal is disgusting!!! It leaves an aftertaste in your mouth “afterwards” and “while eating” like they have an artificial sugar in it! They also dont seem like they used to be even when you are chewing them — reminds me of “stale” but date is good and just opened box. And, they are so disgusting that they make me feel sick to my stomach! Will know later if I actually GET SICK!!!

These are all the same reasons why we STOPPED buying this product a while back; a product we ate for “years” and Loved; A product the company denied any changes when I called a few years back ( or so it seems that long ) , it is definitely NOT the same product I used to love.

I will NOT be trying it again ( that was their last chance ) AND I am seriously thinking of reconsidering their other products too – because this is NOT the same COMPANY that I trusted for years!

It is a sad world we live in when no one cares about the Product they are putting out, or the safety of those who buy this product that definitely leaves much to be desired!!