Identity Crisis

Rebranding the U.S.A.

It seems like the US is suffering an identity crisis of late. Why is it that all of us think that Americans are fat, lazy and stupid? Could it be due to their figure head? It doesn’t inspire much confidence having an oratory buffoon in charge of the most powerful nation on Earth.

But the fact of the matter is – and it really does pain me to say this – Americans are cleverer than we give them credit for. You only have to look at something like the Onion News Network to realise that they are capable of satire, irony and wit, something they’ve long been accused of lacking compared with us, their transatlantic cousins.

In fact the Onion is better than anything similar we’ve got to offer in this country now. In 1994, Chris Morris brought us The Day Today, it was fantastic, truly, but that was fourteen long years ago. We need something new. OK, so it was followed up by the truly stunning and controversial Brass Eye – check out the paedophile special for a real treat – but again, and I’m aware that it’s symptomatic of our society, but it’s not new is it, I know we have an insatiable desire for the new, and it probably is a bad thing, but you know, it’s not right that the yanks are beating us at this.

Now the fat issue, well that probably has some truth. But the thing is as we here are getting more and more Americanised, it can’t be long before we’re keeping with the best of them from the Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer show. One thing I’ve always wondered though – how does this happen? Is there no mid-point in these people’s lives. Now we’ve all been there, we think, one too many French Fancies tonight, better cut back a bit. But most of us aren’t 20, 30, 40, or even 50 stone. I fail to comprehend how someone who is 25 stone doesn’t stop to think, I’m getting big now? Am I cynic? Probably, but at least I’m not 25 stone…

Let’s hope the yanks will do themselves proud and actually vote somebody unconventional in to the White House. If the Democrats win, either of their current candidates will be a first. And it will be interesting fact. But the thing with Obama is, he’s still a man isn’t he? Doesn’t matter what colour he is at the end of the day, he’s not a woman. Give Hillary a chance I say, after all, she’s older than Barrack, he can have a crack next time. Check me out. I’m giving advice on the Presidential elections. If only I was in charge, this world would be so much simpler. Perhaps if the Democrats do win, they’ll get the much needed rebranding they need to acheive a global position that is not relegated to jester of the world. Then again, given how powerful it is, maybe it’s the rest-of-the-world’s way of keeping it in it’s place (just a little bit).

And finally, in honour of the theme today, a great American President once said “there is nothing to fear but fear itself”. Well I’m not as clever as him so I’ll just say “there is nothing to fear except giant flesh eating zombies, because fear of them is fully justified.”