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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just in case you thought things were going all "sparkly pony" and "pretty flowers" over here...

...I may have to remind everybody that you just never know what you're gonna get, both on this blog and in real life! You gotta take it all. The good and the bad. Without one you cannot have the other. How can y'have any pudding if y'don't eat'chyer meat???? (quick- name that epic album reference!!!)

FOR EXAMPLE:

Today I was on my way up to the mall in Sprawlville to pick up Tribble and her friend. Yes, I am at that phase of my life where I drive teenagers places. I keep bugging her to learn how to drive but she claims that being 15 she is not yet old enough to legally drive in this province, which makes me want to roll my eyes and mock her for being all law-abiding and stuff, but then I realize that it's actually good to be law-abiding and she really is one of the most level-headed teenagers I know. And I'm damn lucky to have gotten this particular one. So I agree to pick her up at the mall.

I can be hip. I can be with it. (quick!! Name that farcical movie reference!!!!!!)

All of that backstory there sets you, the reader, up for my example of taking the good and the bad. The World's Longest Street got attacked by a paving crew today, squeezing two lanes of extremely busy car people into one lane. At 1:30 pm. On a hot, bright day. With that sun just shining down like it's nobody's business. Just drilling that heat and radioactive damage infliction onto every surface. Sorry, not radioactive: ultraviolet. I was parked there on the road, with the AC blowing hot air at me. Screw air conditioning... I've got power windows in my truck! Yeah, man! I'll make the best of this traffic jam crap, while I know two teenagers are like, totally wondering why I'm late to get them at the food court.

I'll turn this craptastic traffic snarl into an opportunity to be thankful that it's summer not winter. I'll stick one arm out the window of my bitchin scratched up gnarly 20 year old pickup truck. Cuz it's summer, man!

NOW I'VE GOT A TRUCKER TAN.

Dangit!

Technically it's a trucker burn.

&%$* #$% @$#*&$%!!!!!!!!

However.

The fact remains that I was hangin' my arm out the driver's side window today. And I've got that good old fashioned 60-mile-an-hour air conditioning. Also I like to steer with the other hand on the top edge of the steering wheel and sometimes I pretend my truck is all tricked out with cherry bomb mufflers and I'm seriously cool. When I come down from that fantasy the truth remains that it's my truck and it's gnarly and it's paid for, busted AC and all.

It's good, and it's bad.

I guess if you want to live in the land of sparkly ponies you gotta deal with some sparkly $@#% every now and then.

It's paid for... I keep telling myself that instead of bummin out about the left signal that doesn't cancel automatically, or the headliner flapping in the breeze, the broken pull strap on the driver's side door, the busted air vents and cubby hole door, and of course the AC that just quit working. And the rearview mirror in the back seat. Oh, and the tailgate that's about to fall off the hinges. Let's not forget those nifty Intermittent Door Locks. And while we're at it, the interior light that only comes on when the passenger door is open.

But.

it runs and stops when I want it to! It goes down the road straight! The windows roll down and back up again!

I hear ya. Did you get the big storm yet at your place. Just passed here a few hours ago. Crazy booming going on.

Oh in case you are still giving your little spotty lady medicine here is a totally fool proof trick I use every time. Get some pieces of bread, spread molasses on a piece, fold it in half and cut it into two pieces, Feed it to said victim horse. At first they are like what the heck did you just feed me? Trust me the more molasses the better. Once horse has had a taste of the sandwich crush pills in a plastic bag with a hammer and put them on the bread and put molasses on it, fold, cut, feed to victim horse without he/she ever knowing it just happened.My ol'mare Naigen knew when medicine was in apples. She wouldn't take them either but she would take a molasses sandwich any day.

About Me

I ride, I read, I write. I share my life with a husband, two teenagers, a Pug, a scary house cat, and three horses. Pink is my favourite colour. I used to hate it but then my brain got rearranged and now I like it so much I sometimes dye my hair pink. I'm slightly crazy and I believe we should all stop saying crazy like it's a bad thing. I write novels - like as in, I start them and actually finish them - and I fully intend to be a published author. I teach people how to ride horses for a living, and I love my job! All I ever wanted to do was ride my ponies and write my stories. Hey, that's what I do! Lucky, lucky me. Join me for horses, trucks, Johnny Depp, antidepressants, beer, trashy pop culture, interior desecrating, Jesus, John Deere, and rock stars. Yeeaahhh! We'll laugh and cry, it'll be fun, c'mon.