This project has been on the back burner for quite some time at Firebox, but after extensive testing we're finally ready to unveil... The Lava-tory. It's the world's first geothermal toilet, completely eco-friendly and it's going to change the way we sh*t forever. Following a short consultation session and a painstaking eight month mining procedure you're ready to roll.

On the surface (in more ways than one) it's a modest ceramic toilet that wouldn't look out of place in most contemporary bathrooms, but lift up the lid and you're greeted with a smouldering pool of bubbling hot lava that rages between 700 and 1200°C.

Even the most wretched of deposits are instantaneously absorbed by the molten hell-fire beneath and any rotten gasses burned away. "Dual flush"? – how about no flush. No more wasted water. And just think, all those years spent not flushing away your sanitary products, now you can chuck anything down there, it's basically a bin.

No more stubborn blockages. No more unsightly floaters. No more foul smells (well, the occasional pleasant whiff of ammonia). But most importantly of all, the seat is never cold.