Obama the comedian

It’s not every day, thank heavens, that Louis Farrakhan, Dennis Kucinich and I agree about anything, so imagine my surprise when we all thought that Obama was a moron for deciding to abide by the U.N.’s wishes in Libya.

While it’s true that Muammar Gaddafi is a brutal tyrant, that’s par for the course in the Arab world. In fact, the only thing I’ve noticed that sets him apart from the norm is that he appears to be a transvestite. So, why the heck are we looking to depose him? For offending the international dress code?

On top of that, we had Secretary of State Clinton announcing that the reason we weren’t about to rush to the defense of Syrian rebels was because — and I hope you’re sitting down for this — Syria’s Bashar Al-Assad is a “reformer.” I must confess that when Clinton says goofy things like that, I find myself doubting the veracity of her business cards, which identify her as the Smartest Woman in America.

Speaking of people who aren’t nearly as smart as they pretend to be, I keep hearing pundits suggesting that Hillary will battle Obama for the 2012 nomination. I realize that it’s often difficult to come up with attention-grabbing commentary in non-election years, but this notion is beyond the pale. On what possible basis would she challenge him? Obamacare? Heck, that was simply Hillarycare reheated in the microwave.

Speaking of Obama, I am always torn when it comes to listening to one of his speeches. Although I know I’ll get a few chuckles out of it, as when he explained that after three weeks of dithering, he had to dip America’s toe into Libya without discussing it with Congress in order to avert “a political massacre that would have stained the conscience of the world.”

Where does he dream up this stuff? “The conscience of the world?” I fell off my chair, laughing. If only he had gone into show business. He’s a comic genius. I mean, imagine keeping a straight face while delivering that line. Still, he really should seek help with his delivery. I mean, maybe it’s just me, but I find it really annoying when he pauses…every few seconds…when doling out…his knee-slappers. By the time he gets to the punch line, it’s easy to forget the set-up to his joke.

To be fair, the Democrats in the audience don’t seem to mind. Like parents at their kids’ first violin recital, they’re always convinced he’s great. Every time he opens his yap, they think they’re listening to a combination of the Gettysburg Address and the Sermon on the Mount. Of course, unlike the two fellows who gave those speeches, Obama doesn’t write his own material.

But that’s how it is with liberals. When it comes to cutting their leaders some slack, you can’t beat these slackers. Whether it’s Harry Reid insisting that the NEA should continue receiving tax dollars, lest a cowboy poetry festival be forced to sell tickets, or Nancy Pelosi’s announcing that a multitrillion-dollar bill be passed so that we can all find out what’s in it, the ninnies on the left can always be counted on for a resounding “Amen!”

It doesn’t even perplex liberals when they find out that, propaganda to the contrary, Wall Street donated more money to Obama’s campaign than to McCain’s, and that there are enough former Goldman Sachs executives in Obama’s administration to field a softball league.

Speaking of liberals, I am often asked why so many of my fellow Jews are devoted to the left. It’s a complicated matter, with part of the answer going back hundreds of years before Karl Marx was stinking up London libraries. But a short answer is that even though the Jews have a tough, patriarchal God, they’re often raised in matriarchal families. As a result, they come to believe that conflict can always be settled through diplomacy (talking things out) or sanctions (time-outs and no dessert with dinner), but never through war (spanking).

Armed conflict, they’re convinced, settles nothing. They will continue saying this, no matter how often you bring up the American Revolution, the Civil War, WWII or the Six-Day War. They’re convinced that there is no such thing as evil, but merely an honest difference of opinion, and that nothing on earth is immune to the power of tolerance, good intentions and verbal persuasion.

Burt Prelutsky is a humor columnist, a movie critic and a writer for TV. He’s written episodes of MASH, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. He blogs atBurtPrelutsky.com.