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Friday, April 12, 2013

The Day I Cried

Today had the potential to be wonderful. It was a bright, sunny day. I didn't have work. I slept in until 8:45 (because my body doesn't know how to sleep in until noon anymore (curse you work!!)). I had a good quick workout, took a nice shower. Everything was going good. I even started working more on the book I'm writing (maybe someday I'll write about that on here).

But then I remembered how much wedding stuff I still have to do. So I started working on wedding stuff. And it was going pretty good. I was feeling a little stressed but it wasn't terrible. Then at 4:30 I was supposed to meet with my seamstress. And my mom was picking me up from home at 4:00.

The drive to Orem, I'll admit, was a little awkward. Which is entirely my fault. My mom and I had a... disagreement last night. And there may have been some yelling, a few tears on my end and a sort of silent treatment from the both of us. I feel to blame for this fight and I want to publicly say that I am very sorry to my wonderful, sweet mother. I made a mistake, I know. But maybe when you read the duration of this post you'll realize why my temper was so short last night.

We arrive at the seamstress's house. I'm not sure if I wrote about it before, but she will not be getting a very good review on my blog. Sure she's nice and she is a talented seamstress, but her home where she works out of is dirty. Her sewing room had fabrics, strings and even pins on the ground, all getting caught in the bottom of my dress. The bathroom she had me change in was tiny and not very clean. It hardly fit me and my dress inside!

Anyways, she had me try on my dress to see her work and make sure it fit right (as a reference, my dress was sleeveless, I'm getting married in the LDS Draper Temple, I needed sleeves for my dress (although I'm not wearing that dress for the sealing ceremony (I'll be wearing three different dresses on my wedding day (you know what, I'll just write a later post explaining this better))).

I unzipped the garment bag in the tiny bathroom and my heart dropped. It wasn't what I had wanted.

As I'm sure all my readers are aware, the majority of the Utah population and my friends are LDS. And you may have seen the typical Mormon style wedding dress:

Let the record show that I do think these are pretty dresses. But they aren't what I want. And yes, there are some really pretty modest dresses. Such as this gorgeous beauty:

But it's the sleeves. I hate standard Mormon sleeves! I don't mind the sleeves on the last dress, that dress is just beautiful in every way.

So when I first met with my seamstress I tried to tell her as clearly as I could exactly what I wanted (I'm trying hard to go into detail without giving away anything about my dress for my fiance to see, sorry!). So when I opened that garment bag...

Mormon standard sleeves.

And it was suddenly like my unique, one-of-a-kind, gorgeous dress... turned into the same dress all my friends had. I was upset. Very upset. It's not that the dress looked bad, it's just that it wasn't what I wanted. I'm the bride, it's my wedding dress, I'm paying for the alteration, I should be able to get exactly what I want.

But the fact was that I didn't get what I wanted, and I was upset. So we talked about it a little bit. I learned that she would have to take it apart and redo the whole thing if I wanted anything different. So I glanced to my mom warily, asked her opinion and called it good.

But as soon as we got back in the car, I fell apart. I vented to my mom about how it wasn't what I wanted. That I wanted something different, more unique and I felt that it wasn't the grand beautiful dress that I had fallen in love with anymore. We talked about it and I continued to grow more upset.

And it just kept getting worse. The stress of my wedding began crashing down on me. If my wedding dress wasn't what I wanted, what if everything else fell apart? What if my flowers didn't turn out? What if my hair doesn't end up the way I want? The invitations are becoming a difficulty. My second set of engagement photos weren't at all what I wanted. Everything was turning out to be wrong.

So I cried. I cried long and hard to my mom. I love my mom. She's so helpful and comforting. So we went on Pinterest and found pictures of the sleeves I want. We talked it over and decided my cousin Desi, who made a beautiful dress for her daughter once and is good at sewing, will go with me to help me fully explain my vision. Although I still feel bad I'm making the lady redo the sleeves, but hey, I'm the one wearing it, I should be able to wear what I want. Especially on my wedding day.

Later today I went with my brother and dad to get fitted for their tuxes. The workers took forever and had the wrong information in the system and almost made my dad pay a deposit that Chris's family had already paid.

Overall, today was stressful and depressing. All I wanted was Chris to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, because he's very good at that and I miss him a lot. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. We have lots of wedding stuff to get done and I have my first of three bridal showers. I get presents!!! :)

But really after this long hard day, all I really want is a good cheeseburger. Tomorrow I'll make sure I get one. :)