This week, one of our community members emailed me saying, “I wish I believed in myself as much as you all do!!!” While I am so glad she feels supported by us, which she is, it prompted me to think about the whole idea of “belief in oneself.” Is “self-belief” really a source of comfort and confidence? In this post, I’ll share why it never has been for me and what I’ve found to be even more helpful and re-assuring.

As far as self-belief, I must say I’ve never had much belief in myself. When I witness the doubts, anxieties, and ups and downs of how my small, little, “local self” thinks and feels, this doesn’t give me much assurance that “I can do it.”

Fortunately, I’ve found that deeper guidance is available.

Underneath the pressures and fears that my personality experiences, there is “something more.” When I allow my mind to quiet down, my emotions to calm, and my body to relax, I discover an inner guidance that is always there. As I’ve felt, listened to, and followed this guidance, I’ve received just the inspiration I’ve needed when I’ve needed it. I’ve learned just what I needed to know as I needed to know it. I’ve been given just the right resources at just the right time—again and again.

I’ve found that this process has little to do with “me” or with believing in myself. If anything, it has to do with letting go of “me,” what I want, and how I think things “should happen.” As I let go of what I call “me” and “mine” I am shown again and again that Life has a Bigger Plan. And it’s this Bigger Plan that I can trust.

It appears to me that Life is infinitely intelligent and full of grace. Each of us is here on purpose, exactly as we are, to do what we are here to do. I’ve discovered that I can trust that. And, as I learn to trust that deeper guidance more and more, Life shows me that trust is warranted. I am grateful that I don’t need to believe in myself, because there’s something greater, One Life, supporting and guiding us all.

Enjoy your practice,

Kevin

Kevin Schoeninger

P.S. This week on Spiritual Growth Monthly, we’re practicing a powerful “Mindfulness Meditation” to help us let go of doubt, fear, and discomfort and discover a deeper peace underneath it all. Click here to learn more.

Many of us have heard that love and fear are opposites or that love is an antidote to fear, a way to overcome it. In this post, we’ll explore what that might mean and how it could work.

Let’s begin by differentiating two types of fear: fear that is helpful and fear that holds you back.

Helpful fear alerts you that you need to take action, for example, to protect yourself or someone or something that you love. This type of fear is an expression of inner guidance and not the type of fear that you need to overcome—you need to pay attention to it and do what it guides you to do. For example, fear of a tornado is important to alert you to find a safe place to ride out the storm.

A second type of fear is fear that holds you back. This consists of fears that exist mostly “in your mind.” These either aren’t based in what is actually happening now or they are based on what is happening, but they are “overblown” compared to actual circumstances. For example, fear of public speaking, fear of being honest in a relationship, fear of failure, or fear of success.

These fears usually have roots in past painful experiences that you carry with you and project onto what is currently happening. It’s common for this type of fear to feel irrationally big, because your mind imagines all sorts of negative possibilities that haven’t happened yet, but theoretically could happen. And your mind can come up with all sorts of “negative evidence” to support your fear.

There are many ways to deal with this second type of fear, from reasoning with yourself, to gradually de-sensitizing yourself by facing your fear a little at a time, to mental-emotional techniques that work to release the negative charge of past experiences. Many of these can be highly effective.

What I’d like to suggest today, is a very simple inner shift that could help you with this second type of fear—the shift to love.

O.K. that sounds a little “soft and mushy.” How could that work?

Well, you could do this in two steps. First, in the moment that you feel fear rising, pause to recognize and accept that reaction. This conscious pause inserts a mental stop in your fear reaction and opens the space for making a different choice. After you have recognized, accepted, and paused your fear reaction, shift your attention to love for what you are doing and who you are with.

For example, with public speaking you could shift into love for the information you have to share and love for the people you are sharing it with. Personally, I’ve been doing this for an interview I have this Thursday. Whenever I think of the interview and feel afraid, I shift into love for the insights I have to share and love for the person I will be talking with and the people who will be listening.

You may be surprised at how quickly you can shift your inner state from fear to love.

Why does this work?

I believe this works because shifting to love takes the focus off of yourself. And it does this through a specific quality of being—love. Love has a specific tangible quality to it—we all know love when we experience it. By “coming from love” you instantly shift your inner state and your relationship to whatever is happening and to whomever you are with.

If the skeptic in you thinks this sounds “a little soft,” you may be surprised at how courageous and effective love can be.

Enjoy your practice,

Kevin

Kevin Schoeninger

P.S. This week on Spiritual Growth Monthly, we’re exploring what to do when feelings like fear hang around you like a perpetual “fog of distress.” Click here to learn more.

A common mistake many of us make is to overestimate risk and underestimate our personal resources. This can easily lead to excessive worry and anxiety. In this post, we’ll explore how this happens and what we can do about it.

If you read or watch the news, take in mainstream entertainment, and listen to the pundit personalities professing their exaggerated opinions, you’d think the world was about to explode any minute. Combine that with the apocalyptic tone of 2012 prognostications and you’ve got a recipe for mental-emotional instability.

And that doesn’t include all the headlines with the words “murder, war, rape, robbery, fire, and disaster.”

If you lived your life according to the headlines, you’d be in a constant state of panic, anxiety, doubt, and confusion. You’d think that the whole world has gone insane.

Yes, it’s true that we are witnessing many intense dramas on the global stage. Yet, it’s also true that we overestimate the risks and underestimate our abilities to cope with what’s happening. There are a great many positive things happening in the world today that get little coverage. Yes, we need to take action to make our world a safer, more cooperative place to live and thrive, but we’ll do that best from a place of honest appraisal of the situation and an empowered view of what each of us brings to the table.

Here are a few suggestions for how to make the shift to a more empowered and cooperative world:

1. Detach from overdramatizing and sensationalizing. Don’t buy in. Turn off the media when it does that. Don’t expose yourself to images that perpetuate violence, fear, and despair. Don’t believe the sound-bites. When you hear something that sounds preposterous, it probably is. If it is true, detach from making it bigger than it is.
2. Honestly appraise the facts. Attempt to see “what is” underneath all the shouting. Yes, “facts” can be hard to come by, but they can be sifted out when you have the intention to get to the bottom of a situation that concerns you. When you talk with someone else, take time to listen to their point of view first, then clearly define yours, and cooperate to find a common ground of agreement.
3. Put your energy and attention into solutions. It’s easy to blame, complain, argue, and fight. If you see something that you’d like to see changed for the better, engage in doing that. Join with others who have similar interests and find out what can really make a difference.

4. Don’t underestimate your powers or the power of joint effort. Notice what can happen when people come together during “disasters.” It often ends up being a time when human beings shine. We actualize our highest potential when we are called to rise to the occasion. These times are calling us to do just that.

The coming year will present us with many opportunities to be at our best. No matter what seems to be happening on the outside, I believe that “consciousness rules.” What we do on the inside will create a better world on the outside. So keep the faith and do your best. We’re all in this together—and together we can create an empowered cooperative world.