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Well, I Got Nominated For Saveur’s 2016 Blog Awards

A few weeks back I received an odd email from Saveur, a fancy food magazine, stating that I was a finalist in their 2016 blog awards.

At first I thought it was a prank, so I didn’t think too much about it. Until I realized it wasn’t a joke. So which one of you clowns nominated me? Fess up!

Either way, I’m flattered you guys did. I generally do not believe I am eligible for any kind of food writing awards due to the fact that I constantly talk about my penis, or I because I eat actual penises. That, and I do really interesting things to your mother, like shave racing stripes into her butt hair.

Plus, I’m delighted by the idea of mommy food bloggers coming to my site from a fancy one and being absolutely disgusted at the fact that I’m a horrible, vulgar person who eats garbage and packing peanuts.

It’s likely I won’t be able to make the trip to New York at the end of September for the awards ceremony because the usual money concerns.

But also, much more importantly, my sister is getting married at the beginning of October. And there’s no way I’m even risking missing that.

Either way, if you feel like voting for me, you can do so at the Saveur voting page (scroll way down to the humor section). You’re allowed to vote once a day. Frankly, I think you should vote for Robyn, who is a friend of mine. She’s a better writer and a much better human being than I am. That should be rewarded more than me eating glue sticks.

Considering I started this site to piledrive my actual food writing career into the ground, this is a very interesting turn of events.

Anyway, now that this announcement is over, enjoy this picture of me that my friend Jesse made for no reason.

All the 4 Z’s are excited as hell that you, the populist, politically incorrect food blogger that you are, have garnered this nomination!! Negating the Trump theme however: No narcissism here. Tiny stuffed animals are not a narcissist’s biggest admirers. Could a ‘groundswell’ of popularity be interpreted as penis-related? Hope so! Yay Dannis!!!

Oh Karen, thank you and the Z’s for keeping my chin up during the hardest times. I am a true champion of stupidity and am probably going to drive this blog off a cliff someday. I can’t believe people read this shit.

Totally voted. Most food blogs make us feel like fuckups who aren’t living our Best Lives and there are hardly any dicks. Yours shows us a man pushing the boundaries of human endurance and there are so many dicks, just dicks everywhere. The choice is clear.

A lot of the other blogs are Best Lives blogs and I looked at them and felt bad about myself. I should not feel bad about myself when I read someone else’s blog. Whoever comes to my blog should feel GOOD about themselves because they aren’t an infected pile of Play-Doh.