Chorus: The Skandal of my wanderin’ heart was, I’d been brought nearTo carry The Ark, but I refused, to look inside of my own!

Words like fire poured forth from my lips when like, healing prayers they should’ve been like incense. Moses and Aaron tried, my wife and children cried, now I am haunted by that one word question, Why?Above all else I wished I’d guarded my heart—kept crooked speech and slander out of my mouthHad I waited, things would be so different now…Knowing God created us not to complain, but shine like stars each and ev-er-y dayYou can shine, shine shine, you can still shine shine shine!

So as a general rule when I share a songstory I do it to give background, to provide context and added value to a song because often there are things going on during the birth of a song that are never translated or revealed in the listening of the song itself. This song is a perfect example because what The Holy Spirit revealed to me could be misinterpreted if someone were to listen to this song and then begin poring through Scripture to find the reference. I can’t remember exactly when the thought occurred to me, but I’m recalling the idea struck me while driving one morning on my way to the jobsite. We were currently reading the Torah portion otherwise known as Korach. This portion is located in the book of Numbers, also identified as B’midbar chapters 16 through 18, first Samuel 11:14-12:22, and Romans 13:1-7.I’ve read Korach now along with the other portions for about 10 years and every year we unpack Korach and revisit this devastating, absolutely terrifying and tragic account unfold before our eyes. Each year I feel the swell of emotions colliding in my heart and mind as I become very aware that myself and everyone has proclivities that can lean towards the character of Korach. I loathe them because I am on a journey to be conformed more to the image of my savior Yeshua HaMoshiach. But there are days when forces pushing in and forces stirring within seek to destroy my spirit man. But like me, you have been given a holy calling, and as such we recognize we are new creations in Christ and need to cling to YHVH’s truth, and abandon the old slave-driver, the carnal man. But on this day The Father gave me this song, I was struck by a new thought as it invaded my heart—sympathy for Korach.

The thought I began to dwell upon was that Korach is presently in Sheol—and spending eternity separated from YHVH. Now, for the academics, I am not here to engage in theoretical or even actual debates, I am simply communicating an idea to you that will, if embraced, draw your heart nearer and dearer to our precious Savior. So, please I ask that you bear with me and make the provision to allow me to share the idea I’m just presenting to you. Korach, for all intents and purposes, is in hell, suffering for all eternity. To that end, the rabbit trail of thought invited me to consider what it might be that Korach’s daily thoughts consisted of—and then I realized that his hell is much of his own making. Here he is, separated from The Father, separated from his wife, from his children not to mention he is canonized in scripture as the example of what pride and grumbling looks like when allowed to recklessly follow its course. So, I began to dwell upon these things, and the more I considered them the more I thought that the one thing that might plague Korach the most was wishing he could return to that one day that he made that fateful choice to wander away from God and to pursue his own thoughts and interests; because that was the day he fell.

I begin speaking in the voice of Korach, he says “There’s so many things that I wish I could say, and I’d take it back if I could just have one day…”. Korach persuaded, connived and manipulated to get 250 men of renown to endorse and stand behind him—but you see, his words were like the serpent in the garden, designed to question, even usurp God’s order that He had divinely established for Israel’s success. Korach had convinced himself that he knew better than God. When we rebel are we not guilty of the same thing? Korach’s calling, within the Kohathite clan under the tribe of Levi was to carry the furnishings of the tabernacle—namely, The Ark of the Covenant. Korach’s job was to shoulder the gold plated acacia poles that held the Ark when Israel marched through the wilderness following the cloud and fire. Korach had an extremely critical, incredibly important and immeasurably holy service that he was called to—to shoulder the Ark of the Covenant! So for eternity in hell he’s had multiple opportunities to dwell on that and its significance. What perhaps he had long since taken for granted, perhaps even begun to identify as mundane, now suddenly again especially in light of his surroundings now took on a renewed perspective. How foolish! I was in charge of carrying the Ark of The Covenant! I was responsible for carrying the very foundation of our relationship with The Creator of the Universe, and the mercy seat where His presence rested and dwelled! This is where I received the following lyric, “To feel the weight of His glory up on my shoulders, again. I took for granted all the pleasure and ease, my back and shoulders and my feet and my knees bore the burden, such a beautiful communion..”. Let that just sink in for a moment. Where he is now—versus where he was—and that he will never, ever get that back. It’s heavy.

And then he shares the thing that really carried him away from thinking correctly. Grumbling. In our eloquent English language I see that word and the way it falls off of my tongue has the feel of a large and cumbersome immovable rock. The kind of thing that a philistine would use to stop of the flow of Abraham’s wells. The kind of thing that would cause neighboring shepherd communities to begin piss-ant infighting arguments over where their sheep were allowed to graze when they were all fully aware that God provided for all of their needs (citing Lot and Abraham’s shepherds). But in our fallen state we wrestle don’t we? Sometimes we’re blind to it and other times we’re painfully aware. But we think we’re above it, and then we find somewhere along the way someone has hurt our feelings—and it happens, folks will hurt your feelings. Either intentionally or otherwise, you’ll get your feelings hurt—slighted in some way, whether someone forgot about you, or intentionally rejected you because you didn’t fit their idea of what they think you should be. It happens to us all, and it hurts. And then we see other people invited in, warmly welcomed even—and you, you’re just a cog in a wheel that continues to turn while you are—forgotten.

If these emotions are not properly, rightly addressed we endanger making our own selves the center of the universe. Essentially we put God on a shelf and make an idol out of ourselves because we think well I’ve been hurt and I need to fix it and the way to do that is to first feel sorry for myself, and to feel justified to take offense. Now there’s a power-packed word—offense. Perhaps you’ve seen that word many times over the course of your life. If you study this out you will uncover that grumbling, which we picture as a person or a group of people complaining about their disapproval of their current set of circumstances, is simply that—but it’s actually more than that. When we grumble, we’re giving life to seeds of bitterness that if left untended will take root, and you and I realize that we will reap whatever it is we sow, right? So, we grumble, but at the heart of the word we uncover a deeper meaning which is, to hold a grudge. Grudges are tenacious little monsters that like to pin you to a moment in time and force you to be their prisoner, starving you of what The Father’s greater plan is for your life. What’s worse is, grudges provide you with a sick benefit—they’re like an addicting chemical or drug that when taken deceives the addict into thinking that what their drinking or inhaling is providing them a measure of relief from their pain, when in truth all the addict is doing is adding more pain upon the original pain that they never correctly addressed. Hence, the next line in the song that says, “Grumbling lead me to rebellion and hate where I, abandoned God but grudge and slander embraced, I was a fool lost headlong to my discontented ways”. The following line reinforces the prior stating what more of the fruits of clinging to a grudge creates, “Hardness and pride and the deceit from my sin, gave me excuses for my rebellion, and I was sure I had everyone figured out.” I’d like to pause here and insert that whenever I incorrectly deal with hurt feelings and allow a grudge to take root, I become deceived. I somehow get it my head that I can read other people’s minds. Ever do this? Suddenly I have this mysterious power (sarcasm here) and I now can read other people’s thoughts. In truth, rarely if ever are people thinking what you or I may believe they are thinking. The fact is, when we have taken God off the mercy seat of the ark of our heart, we have effectively removed grace and forgiveness and most importantly—truth. We are now blinded by pride and pride elevates the flesh, it actually does the opposite of Love. So pride—is demanding and impatient. Pride is Jealous! Pride keeps a diligent record of wrongs suffered and it seeks its own. Pride is easily provoked. It rejoices in unrighteousness. It is apathetic against the truth, it collapses under any weight. It believes nothing, it despairs of everything and evaporates at the first sign of a trial. The next line reveals pride when we read “But I’d been blinded by my selfish ways, let things like jealousy fuel my foolish ways. Drunk on offenses that I’d created, if I’d just prayed Dear LORD”!

This brings us to the chorus. We read what Korach is speaking from Sheol if he had been given the chance, “The skandal of my wanderin’ heart was, I’d been brought near to carry The Ark, but I refused—to look inside my own! What a gift! Please allow me to brag on our Creator and King! This is something I am incapable of thinking on my own, but YHVH in His condescension, in His immense love, packaged this explosive lyric and poured it out on paper to be meditated upon, to allow it to transform us. So much of this song has to do with selfishness and pride because if we don’t guard our heart from its attacks, our flesh will cry out “Victim”! To be clear, this is not a referendum on anyone who has been a victim—what I am referring to are those things God has allowed into our lives and then calls us to lean upon Him for the courage and strength and peace to not remain one. Yeshua said in the Gospel of Matthew 11:6, “Blessed is he who does not take offense in me”. You know, this world hates God, and by the world I mean everything set up against the knowledge of God. This world is full of beautiful things and people—many of whom yet remain under curses brought about by the Adamic nature in each of us. We are all born into sin. We come into the world screaming “Mine”! If we have good parents or mentors we learn how to curb some of that and grow up to become what the world might call, civilized, moral, upright people. This however is a far cry from being transformed. In my opinion, hell will be full of good, upright moral people. So Yeshua comes to us to declare who He is—and who we are apart from Him. We’re all offended. Choose your reason—there’s something in your life that you’re offended by. Now, whether you believe that to be a genuine reason to be offended or not is between you and YHVH. But Yeshua said, “Blessed is he who does not take offense in me”. When the world meets eye to eye with Yeshua, the world is offended. The fact is Yeshua said “The world cannot hate you, but it hates Me because I testify of it, that its deeds are evil. If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life, he cannot be My disciple” (John 7:7; 15:8; Luke 14:26-27). This is vitally important because Yeshua is telling us what Paul tells us as well—if we are going to be followers of Messiah, then we must die to ourselves. In other words, and this is the big point I want to drive home to you here, we have to give up the idea that we think we have a right to ourselves. My brother David Jones referred me to some excellent counsel when I was initially trying to address this thought. He pointed me to Philippians 2:12-14 which reads, “So then, my beloved, even as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God who works in you both to will and to work, for His good pleasure. Do all things without murmurings and disputes”. He also pointed me to 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, which reads “Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Ruach HaKodesh which is in you, which you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s”. I’m not telling you you won’t wrestle with victim-like thinking at times, but I am saying that the truth will set us free. The truth is, when you or I want to be offended, we are offended at YHVH; because who are we? We belong to YHVH, and the test comes when we must consciously humble ourselves and go to YHVH and make our requests known to Him as we work through those times. The word skandal in the chorus you may well already know is incorrectly spelled, I did that on purpose. If you look at the Greek in Matthew 11:6 the word there for offense is the word Skandalizo. Thayers lexicon defines it as “to put a stumbling block or impediment in the way, upon which another may trip and fall, metaph. to offend, to entice to sin, to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey, to cause to fall away, to be offended in one, i.e. to see in another what I disapprove of and what hinders me from acknowledging his, authority, to cause one to judge unfavorably or unjustly of another since one who stumbles or whose foot gets entangled feels annoyed, to cause one displeasure at a thing, to make indignant, to be displeased, indignant. If we come to Yeshua to follow Him, we will quickly realize that in order to have a right relationship with Him, we have to die to ourselves, and that will offend us if we’re not careful. Because we cry out for salvation, Yeshua saves us, then after we’re saved we then go on living offended that Yeshua says we have to abandon those things we needed to be saved from in the first place!

Now, here’s the second part of the chorus. The Skandal of my wanderin’ heart was, I’d been brought near to carry The Ark, but I refused, to look inside of my own”! There is a midrash that theorizes that inside every human being resides a holy ark. Our heart, much like the Ark carried by Korach was created to carry the Words of YHVH. We read in Ezekiel 36:26-27 “Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances”. The high priest was responsible for going into the holy of holies and sprinkling the blood of the sacrifice onto the ark and the mercy seat, to cleanse and purify it. We too need to take stock daily, because it is our responsibility to maintain the fire on the altar of our heart, to lift up prayers like holy incense, to keep fresh oil in the lamps of our menorah burning daily. The holy place required cleansing and maintenance daily. The real scandal is in light of the holy calling we’ve been called to requires us to do daily maintenance to guard against uncleanness that sin brings, and often I’m afraid to admit—we don’t do. Like Korach, we fail to commit our self to guarding our own heart, daily. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23). The scandal we fall prey to is investing our energy in the latest teaching, but failing to do the daily work of searching out those things in our heart that are contrary to God’s will. We have been commanded to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). So, if we’re not doing the daily work and maintenance on the holy of holies within the ark of our heart, then we’re the ones who create offense. We become our own offender, because we refuse to do the honest work of holding our heart up daily to the light of God’s word to allow Him to point out those things that need to be taken captive and washed from ark of our heart. But this, this can be prevented.

​“Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may be blameless and innocent, God's children without any faults among a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world” (Phil 2:14-15). Which is the reason I wrote the following and closing lyric “Above all else I wished I’d guarded my heart—kept crooked speech and slander out of my mouth, had I waited, things would be so different now. Knowing God created us not to complain—but shine like stars each and every day, you can shine shine, shine, you can still shine shine, shine”. When we are doing the honest, daily work of searching our heart, we shine like stars, obedient to YHVH, reflecting His life-producing word that He has put inside the ark of our heart. So Korach’s Requiem then is a testimony. It testifies of the heartache, of the regret, and of the sorrow that comes from failing to guard our heart, and the domino effect that comes from our failure to do so. In that respect, I feel a measure of sympathy for Korach, because we’ve all failed and fallen short of the glory of Yah. Repentance and daily maintenance is the key. Let us learn from Korach’s example.