I loved this short story. It was great. Al, you have a great imagination and I am very proud of you. It is a joy to know that you know that God is on your side no matter what and that all things work together for your good.

Biggest problems: grammar and punctuation can be very distracting- they aren't used correctly or sometimes omitted. In addition, you have very many cliched phrases in your story. And you should always be careful dealing with God and Satan. As others said, don't randomly introduce characters.

Guest chapter 1 . 1/11/2006

Um every thought of placing your chapters in the SAME story? Instead of in seperate stories? You are aware that you can add chapters into a story? BAKA!

friend chapter 1 . 1/11/2006

Good start. I think you should add more detail in how and where you met god and also how your friends got there in the first place. Because they seemed to come out of nowhere.

not a bad start. Watch your punctuation. God said something, but you forgot the quotes around God said. I think it would've been interesting to not know what the characters were like at the beginning and show it in paragraph form later in the story. Some of the dialog seems a little stiff.