Self Soothing involves using the five senses: sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing. Utilizing this skill might involve using one (or more) of these senses to feel a sense of reprieve from the tug of distressing emotions.

Sight

I often look at pictures of people, places and things that are meaningful to me. On

my phone I keep pictures going back a year of all sorts of pleasant memories. My

screensaver on my computer is a picture of me at the beach during a recent vacation

to a warm climate.

I really like post-it notes – I like that they come in different shapes, sizes and colors

and over the last number of years I have copied my favorite quotes and sayings

on to the notes and posted them throughout my room. I find the color of the paper

Hugging a trusted friend or family member can also be a great way to self-soothe – it

also helps that that person can lend a listening ear while they’re at it!

For many people water is very nourishing and soothing. Bubble baths and long,

hot showers have become a staple of my self-soothing routine. I used to think that

I needed to set aside an hour for a bath, but I’ve discovered that even 15 or 20

minutes in the tub is enough to calm me down and ground me.

Hearing

A lot of people tell me that when they feel emotionally dysregulated, there is a

particular piece of music or a sound that they like to listen to. Music is very healing

for me. I have playlists for different emotions and situations, and I make a point of

keeping them updated so I don’t get bored. When I was at the beach on vacation, I

made a point of recording the sounds of the waves so that I could listen whenever I

needed a soothing sound and I play that recording back sometimes too.

Occasionally I will receive a voicemail on my answering machine that’s really

meaningful to me. Perhaps it was the timing – the right person called just at the

right moment. Maybe it was the content of the message and the caller said

something that really touched me. When I get those voicemails, I record them and

save them as an mP3 file so that I can come back and listen to them. One of the best

voicemails I ever got was from 10 years ago, when my chiropractor cousin called me

to remind me to ice and stretch a sports injury. When “Ice and Stretch” plays on my

iPod I always smile wide because it was a fantastic message to get – and catchy too!

I listen to a lot of public radio and podcasts, and believe or not, talk radio is the most

soothing sound I can think of. In fact, I fall asleep with my iPod on every night, and

sometimes wake up to it too! One of the keys to using voice for self-soothing is to

know that I’m not paying attention to what the voice is saying, just the sound of the

voice itself. This way, I don’t feel anxious about falling asleep in the middle of the

recording – I know I can listen to the content when I am more awake and focused.

And finally, sometimes I need to hear the sound of my own voice. It’s one thing to

hear my voice in my head. But it’s another thing entirely to talk to myself. In a calm

voice, I tell myself that I’m loved, I love other people, my recovery is intact and I am

a good person. Sometimes I tell myself to settle down, that everything will be ok and

that this too will eventually pass. Sometimes I sing to myself, just as toddlers will

sing to themselves as they fall asleep. Most of the time I use this self-soothing

technique, it’s very effective.

In conclusion…

It can be daunting to think about self-soothing as an effective technique to use when

in the midst of acute emotional distress. Like all other DBT skills, incorporating self-soothing techniques into your daily routine, regardless of whether or not you feel

distressed, will help you learn and discover what feels good to you. Then, when you

experience a difficult moment, you will feel more confident about your ability to pull

a self-soothing tool out of your proverbial toolbox and use it.

Thanks for reading,

Rachel

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Rachel Cooper is a passionate advocate for mental health. She has participated in discussions with the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) and at the University of Toronto. In recovery from depression, Rachel strives to live a meaningful and balanced life. She believes that everyone is capable of learning and using coping skills to create a life worth living. Rachel tweets @rachbcooper.

Maybe I'll do this without spelling errors this time: Audiobooks and self-hypnosis phone apps (try them before buying, some are irritating to me; I like Andrew Johnson's Scottish brogue) have gotten me through many rough patches. Wax warmers instead of candles (or just warm the whole candle), and hand-work like crochet or embroidery work for me. Also, my "post it notes" are pins on Pinterest — there all LOTS of great quotes that help me remember that I'm fine — no matter what is happening that seems disregulating.

Hi Karen, There are a lot of people who do fine motor activities such as needlepoint or crochet or knitting as a means of self soothing. It's also a really good distraction and keeps your hands busy!

I know a lot of people who like pinterest to explore different interests and things – I work at a computer all day long, so at the end of the day and on weekends, I prefer to be active and doing rather than sitting.

Hi Karen, There are a lot of people who do fine motor activities such as needlepoint or crochet or knitting as a means of self soothing. It's also a really good distraction and keeps your hands busy!

I know a lot of people who like pinterest to explore different interests and things – I work at a computer all day long, so at the end of the day and on weekends, I prefer to be active and doing rather than sitting.