Nation needs steady hand at the wheel

Published: Monday, March 18, 2013 at 9:35 a.m.

Last Modified: Monday, March 18, 2013 at 9:35 a.m.

I recently gave my youngest favorite relative a driving lesson. She has a new (to her) shiny white pickup truck. It has a manual transmission. She is learning how to use the clutch.

Bright boy that I am, I decided to have her drive up to the top of Pinnacle Mountain. Pinnacle, in case you’re wondering, is the steep-sided mountain with the towers on it that you see south of town.

I have been driving that same road over that same mountain since I was 16 years old. For most of that time, it was a gravel single-lane wilderness experience. This was back in the day before cellphones, when a flat tire or punctured oil pan meant a 10-mile hike to the nearest pay phone. Now the road is widened out and paved (mostly), the old curves smoothed out and the rocks blasted back out of the right of way. But ...

When I am riding with my 15-year-old daughter, her lovely red hair whipping in the breeze blowing through the window, this road becomes a highway of death.

Don’t get me wrong, she did a pretty good job. No smoking tires, no stall-outs, no burning brakes, it’s all me. I wasn’t the guy in control of my destiny anymore — she was. One momentary lapse of judgment on her part and off the mountain we go, hurtling downward to Crab Creek a thousand feet below at warp speed. (I think I may have too vivid an imagination to be doing this anymore. Someone else will have to teach my grandchildren how to drive.) Point is, she did everything right and we didn’t die.

I think that same sort of thing, the not-being-in-control thing, is what is driving the Republican Party just a little bit nuts right now. That and the chance that, despite what the Democrats do, the nation might not actually die, go bankrupt or be swallowed by a horde of immigrants.

The Democrats went through this same thing with the Bushes. I forgot to check and see how many Hollywood celebrities actually moved to another country when George W. Bush was elected, as they so publicly said they would, but as things turned out, the nation is still here.

The guys who came up with our political system did a pretty good job, but the inherent sin nature of the human species then came up with political parties, which then came up with political positions, which then devolved into “bringing the bacon home to the district,” which now is how the Democratic Party wins elections and why the Republican Party keeps letting itself get snookered on yet more spending.

Giving money away is a surefire way to win an election, while saying no is a sure way to risk losing it. Fortunately, I have the solution to stop all this nonsense. All it takes is a tweak to the Constitution.

Starting in 2014, no senators or representatives will be elected by the voters in their state or district. They will have to be elected by voters in the opposite state or district. For example, the senators from California would be elected by the folks in Maine. The representatives for New York would be put into office by the people in Utah. That way, every politician in Congress will have no incentive to divvy up the federal Treasury to buy votes. The people they represent can’t be bought and the voters who actually elect them can’t be bought, either. Common sense and public duty will prevail; the future well-being of the union will be preserved. Thank you.

Yes, I am kidding.

Look, we have to vote for people we think will do what is best for all, not be our sugar daddy. Both parties pay off their constituencies, never mind what they say. Then, when the politicians let us down, we try again.

A republic is always going to be in crisis, so get used to it. It’s sort of like hurtling down a mountain, and you aren’t in control. You have to have a little hope — and trust that you picked the right driver.

(She really did fine.)

***

To all the people who wrote to me after last month’s column and pointed out that Blue Ridge Community College does indeed have a notary on staff: Yes, you are correct, and I misunderstood a situation being explained to me. My bad. Sorry. Whoops. Won’t happen again, I promise.

<p>I recently gave my youngest favorite relative a driving lesson. She has a new (to her) shiny white pickup truck. It has a manual transmission. She is learning how to use the clutch.</p><p>Bright boy that I am, I decided to have her drive up to the top of Pinnacle Mountain. Pinnacle, in case you're wondering, is the steep-sided mountain with the towers on it that you see south of town.</p><p>I have been driving that same road over that same mountain since I was 16 years old. For most of that time, it was a gravel single-lane wilderness experience. This was back in the day before cellphones, when a flat tire or punctured oil pan meant a 10-mile hike to the nearest pay phone. Now the road is widened out and paved (mostly), the old curves smoothed out and the rocks blasted back out of the right of way. But ...</p><p>When I am riding with my 15-year-old daughter, her lovely red hair whipping in the breeze blowing through the window, this road becomes a highway of death.</p><p>Don't get me wrong, she did a pretty good job. No smoking tires, no stall-outs, no burning brakes, it's all me. I wasn't the guy in control of my destiny anymore — she was. One momentary lapse of judgment on her part and off the mountain we go, hurtling downward to Crab Creek a thousand feet below at warp speed. (I think I may have too vivid an imagination to be doing this anymore. Someone else will have to teach my grandchildren how to drive.) Point is, she did everything right and we didn't die.</p><p>I think that same sort of thing, the not-being-in-control thing, is what is driving the Republican Party just a little bit nuts right now. That and the chance that, despite what the Democrats do, the nation might not actually die, go bankrupt or be swallowed by a horde of immigrants.</p><p>The Democrats went through this same thing with the Bushes. I forgot to check and see how many Hollywood celebrities actually moved to another country when George W. Bush was elected, as they so publicly said they would, but as things turned out, the nation is still here.</p><p>The guys who came up with our political system did a pretty good job, but the inherent sin nature of the human species then came up with political parties, which then came up with political positions, which then devolved into “bringing the bacon home to the district,” which now is how the Democratic Party wins elections and why the Republican Party keeps letting itself get snookered on yet more spending.</p><p>Giving money away is a surefire way to win an election, while saying no is a sure way to risk losing it. Fortunately, I have the solution to stop all this nonsense. All it takes is a tweak to the Constitution.</p><p>Starting in 2014, no senators or representatives will be elected by the voters in their state or district. They will have to be elected by voters in the opposite state or district. For example, the senators from California would be elected by the folks in Maine. The representatives for New York would be put into office by the people in Utah. That way, every politician in Congress will have no incentive to divvy up the federal Treasury to buy votes. The people they represent can't be bought and the voters who actually elect them can't be bought, either. Common sense and public duty will prevail; the future well-being of the union will be preserved. Thank you.</p><p>Yes, I am kidding.</p><p>Look, we have to vote for people we think will do what is best for all, not be our sugar daddy. Both parties pay off their constituencies, never mind what they say. Then, when the politicians let us down, we try again.</p><p>A republic is always going to be in crisis, so get used to it. It's sort of like hurtling down a mountain, and you aren't in control. You have to have a little hope — and trust that you picked the right driver.</p><p>(She really did fine.)</p><p>***</p><p>To all the people who wrote to me after last month's column and pointed out that Blue Ridge Community College does indeed have a notary on staff: Yes, you are correct, and I misunderstood a situation being explained to me. My bad. Sorry. Whoops. Won't happen again, I promise.</p><p>Chip Worrell can be reached at cworr@juno.com.</p>