Rachel in Tanzaniahttps://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com
The contents of this blog are the opinions and views of the author solely and do not reflect those of the Peace Corps, nor the US government. Do not use anything from this site without prior permission.Sun, 02 Aug 2015 15:54:12 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://secure.gravatar.com/blavatar/34a81cec9ed0145e725ccdfe9d9ec4aa?s=96&d=https%3A%2F%2Fs2.wp.com%2Fi%2Fbuttonw-com.pngRachel in Tanzaniahttps://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com
The Cooperative Rural Sports and Development Project has Posted!https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/24/the-cooperative-rural-sports-and-development-project-has-posted/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/24/the-cooperative-rural-sports-and-development-project-has-posted/#commentsSat, 24 Aug 2013 06:14:03 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=560Continue reading →]]>The Cooperative Rural Sports and Development Project has Posted!

A Project Committee and I have been working together for several months to plan and gain approval for a grant that would fund an extensive sports project in my village!

Here is a description of the project from the website:

The Cooperative Rural Sports and Development Project addresses several basic needs of this small Tanzanian community. Lacking any established sports facilities in the surrounding area and with few options for recreation for any age or gender group, drugs, alcohol and risky sexual behaviors become the favored pastimes, especially for village youth. Women and girls especially lack legitimate forms of recreation and are at higher risk of contracting HIV because of established gender roles and empowerment issues. This project has as its main goal to bring together several motivated groups in the village to plan and implement a large-scale project to combat these local problems. The village youth, soccer team, elders, local women’s group, girls handball team, government officials, and elementary school students and teachers are teaming up to establish, build, and maintain a soccer field, basketball court, and volleyball court to form and outfit sports clubs for soccer, volleyball, and basketball, and to protect the environment by landscaping the area with trees raised by the environmental club at the primary school and creating a system for rainwater runoff. By forming a project committee that brings together representatives from these various groups of rural society, local experts and future leaders alike, the community is further benefitted by the experience and knowledge that planning and implementing a project of this scale will bring. The community will also benefit economically by hosting sports matches and attracting commerce from the surrounding area. The total budget needed to fund this project is $7,651.25 (Tsh 12,242,000), with a community contribution of $2625 (Tsh 4,200,000) which includes all non-skilled labor, locally sourced materials (sand, gravel, brick) and discounts for skilled labor which accounts for 34.31% of total project costs. The project will be completed by November 2013, allowing four months to complete all project components.

We are looking for donations to fund this project and get it started as soon as possible. Click the link for more details and to donate via the Peace Corps’ secure website. Tell your friends!

]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/24/the-cooperative-rural-sports-and-development-project-has-posted/feed/0rachelboswellProject Committee and the Village Soccer TeamWomen's Traditional Choir and Dance GroupProject Committee Members and Village GovernmentWomen's Netball in ActionSetting Up Temporary Netball Goals8/19/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/81913/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/81913/#commentsMon, 19 Aug 2013 14:11:04 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=558Continue reading →]]>Been sitting around staring at or avoiding staring at my incomplete personal statement for grad school so much I’ve decided to write something else to try and warm up. What better place to start than my neglected journal? Also. My handwriting is despicable. I yearn for calligraphic, flowing script to come from my pen, but all I get is mostly-cursive rats’-nests of pseudo-letters somehow connected to one another though seeming to come from several different hands. I often imagine the confusion on the face of some future handwriting analyst who for some reason cares to go through these logs of disconnected, bi-polar spaghetti bowls of letter and lines, lines and letters, thoughts and musings.

I really want to write a book, a real, honest, clear and clarifying account of something, but I don’t know what. I don’t think writing a memoir of my PC service would do – I’m skeptical of my ability to write about this place, my life here, because it all still feels to unfamiliar to put a truthful account that reaches to the depths of all things minute but important on a page. I cannot Aldo Leopold this place. I do not know it well enough. Maybe later in life after much simmering in my head I’ll be able to put honest words to page. For now, it’s just snapshots, not fully thought through, not ripe, a cake raw in the middle (which is often the best kind of cake).

Raw cake batter is good too. I made up some vegan chocolate cake batter last night for the sole purpose of eating it raw. Just prior to the sugar crash I managed to shove some mashed pumpkin w/ garlic and butter in my face and click on How I Met Your Mother. If I were a character in that show, I would be Ted. Totally.

Finished reading a book called Tinkers last night by Paul Harding. Beautiful language pulled me through page after page of winter, sorrow and real-ness. An essay by Jonathan Franzen further awakened me to the fact that I have been avoiding real-ness to preserve peace, sanity and calm (read: monotony, banality). The despair of seemingly having nothing real in my life, the intense loneliness, is of my own doing in order to insulate myself from the pain and real love and happiness and anger that are the essential ingredients of a full, vibrant, worth-it life. What the hell am I doing? I only have one life, I could die at any moment, but I will definitely die this century.

UGH. But I AM living life to the fullest, I’m just stuck right now in TZ. Once I can break free again it will all be different. Right? Or will it? All this is so frustrating. I can’t seem to figure out how to just be. There is always something missing, and it lies so heavy on my lonely heart that I think it will sink and sink and sink until it eventually falls out my vagina. Then what good will I be to anyone.

This might sound kind of depressing, but I’m actually in a good healthy spot right now. Trying to write, getting grad school apps together, excited (excited!) for the future, searching for the perfect soundtrack for writing about myself (Wu Tang Clan? No. Neil Young? Sort of. Nick Drake? Better. Daft Punk? Strangely yes but not today. Miguel? Oh def not. Django Reinhardt? Sick of it. Ok ok, The Ronettes. No wait, the B52s, then Grimes), which really is a pretty narcissistic thing to do, and which Ayn Rand thinks is ok, but Jonathan Franzen says is the end of being yourself and having true feelings. I have so much trouble writing these things. I just want people to meet me and talk one-on-one about design and wine and kayaking etc. But I have to package myself up in 1000 eloquent, sincere, illustrative words that sum up my life and goals and skills and desires. Piece of cake.

]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/81913/feed/0rachelboswell6/28/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/62813/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/62813/#commentsMon, 19 Aug 2013 13:34:55 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=556Continue reading →]]>I look at the future and see endless possibility, so much time, so much potential. I’m drowning in a sea of positivity – Where did all this come from? I’m certainly glad to see it; I’ve always felt that this person with this outlook was hiding somewhere inside, waiting to be released from the negative pressures of anxiety and low self-confidence. Perhaps this is what it feels like to be an emotionally mature adult? Does this mean I’m a woman now? Past the identity crises of youth? I think it is. I have arrived. This is me in all my glory. So, remember all those self-loathing, struggling, endless depressing monologues from earlier in my PC service? It was not all for naught. All of the struggles, misery, misfortune were meant to build me up to this place. Wholeness. Self. Content. Ready for more challenges and adventure. Specifically, ready for grad school!

I haven’t been able to get as much school research done as I would have liked, but my list of possible schools in narrowing. I’m more concerned about my portfolio, making sure it is representative of me, my work, my goals, and competitive w/ other applicants, all while being in this bubble. An RPCV in Dar has most generously offered to help me print hard-copy portfolios at her office to send to schools, taking a lot of weight off my shoulders.

At this point I’d love to just stay put in my village for a month and make some headway on my projects, but the government insists that I make a long expensive trip to Dodoma to get a damn flu shot. Honestly, I’d rather just get the flu, but it’s MANDATORY. Yeah, great timing PC, when I’ve just got back from work-related leave and need to be in my village to get things moving for this sports project. At least it gives me a change to see Yue one last time before he takes off for America, school and life. This is a strange time in the PCTZ calendar year when newbies are arriving, and old friends are saying goodbye. I’m so close to the end I can feel the sidewalk under my feet. I can feel crisp autumn air and taste hot apple cider. I can feel the arms of my sister, my mom, my aunts and cousins wrapped around me. I can feel the snow under my skis, my nose runny and cold in the frosty air. I’m so close. So, so close.

I am so EXCITED for my LIFE!

]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/62813/feed/0rachelboswell6/27/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/62713/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/62713/#commentsMon, 19 Aug 2013 13:31:37 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=554Continue reading →]]>Back again. It seems I’ve been so busy lately, but without feeling the stress at all. Sometime near the beginning of May, a switch turned in my brain. Things became easy. Work just got done without thinking about it, obsessing over it, or being anxious about anything. Interacting with my community falls into the category of comfortable no prob routines. Interacting with PCVs is no longer stressful or emotionally draining. I’ve fluttered down nicely into a stable, comfortable, happy niche. I have nothing but hope and excitement for the future, and the present is no longer dragging me down into the deepest depths of despair and longing. I’ve actually spent a lot of time wondering what exactly clicked, what happened to change the course of my thoughts and attitudes. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m glad it happened. For the first time since getting to country, I feel like myself, but myself at full potential. My best self. Rejoice!

Due to this new absence of anxiety and insecurities, and the arrival of boat-loads of confidence, self-esteem and can-do-ity, I have been uber-productive, attacking grad school research with fervor, reading and researching, writing grants and getting projects moving, being better about writing and staying in contact with my near and dears, being the supportive, caring friend I know I can be, and coming home feeling great, not exhausted, refreshed, not drained. Expect many more updates from me from here on out. I’m on fire.

There is a small problem with newfound awesome me – since I’m not letting anything get me down, I’ve become less sensitive to and less responsive to neediness – mostly in the form of the endless requests for help and assistance and the guilt trips given me on an hourly basis from my villagers. I can’t be everything to everyone. I’m only one person. I will no longer feel bad about doing my best but only falling short of everyone’s expectations. I will now only feel good about what I have done, am doing, and can do. So there.

]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/62713/feed/0rachelboswell6/14/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/61413/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/61413/#commentsMon, 19 Aug 2013 12:54:06 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=151Continue reading →]]>I apologize for my extended absence. I really have no excuse but can say I intentionally have not written in a while. I felt I was relying on my journal and conversations with friends to put together the discombobulated thoughts, emotions, impressions. But really what I needed was to detach from all those “support” systems, and deal with my environment without overthinking it. Soaking it in. Letting it BE. The talking it out, the endless analyzing, was making me feel nothing short of insane. Circular thinking, wondering why and how come and what am I, what am I doing? It’s all for naught.]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/61413/feed/0rachelboswell2/3/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/2313/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/2313/#commentsTue, 05 Feb 2013 13:49:37 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=550Continue reading →]]>A morning with the Kinks, bread that some animal, probably a cat, got into last night, coffee, tiny lizards checking me out because I’m sitting so still reading that they’re not sure if I’m alive or dangerous, and a giant spider bite on my ass. Why do they always bite me there?

Have insomnia lately, my mind just won’t rest. I drink chamomile, I count sheep, I meditate, concentrate on my breathing, then it’s 2am. So I sleep in and the cycle feeds itself. I often find myself fantasizing about that moment I meet my prince charming and our happy life after that. He takes on many forms of guys I know or hardly know because I have no one in particular in mind… The future is so wide open. These musings run through my mind concurrently, busily, twisting around each other and denying my sleep until the wee hours of the morning.

How does one stop obsessing about such things? I bet you’re all tired of reading about it too. Sorry :( I just have way too much time to dwell on my alone-ness, and no one to distract me,

I’m designing the t-shirts for the girls conference. Haven’t designed anything in so long… hope they come out ok!

Picked up a dress this week, just a couple alterations and it’s perfect, even for America. Oh America… I can’t wait to start something new! I’m terrified I won’t get into grad school, what will I do then? But I’m starting early w/ research, applications, recommendations, honing my interviewing skills, resume, etc. Something will come along, I’ll end up somewhere doing something. I can’t wait to wear whatever I want, and for coldness, and showers, and ovens, and washing machines, and sidewalks, and boots, and sandwiches, and short dresses, and tights, and hairdryers, and coffeeshops, and SCHOOL. I’m really excited to get involved in an academic setting again. I think more and more every day how I want to stay in academia, as a researcher or professor or something… Something that will give me freedom to keep learning, exchanging ideas, travel, good schedule, good salary, oh the future! So exciting! 10 more months…

]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/2313/feed/1rachelboswell2/2/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/2213/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/2213/#commentsTue, 05 Feb 2013 13:44:47 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=547Continue reading →]]>Baked bread for myself yesterday – rosemary and plain white. I also baked a mango upside down cake earlier this week. Kat and Steph G. hiked down from Kat’s vill to visit for the afternoon and we wolfed the whole thing down. Then I made a heavily seasoned pot of tomato soup for lunch and bought chapatti to eat it with. It was a rainy, muggy, muddy day so soup was perfect. They planned to stay the afternoon and return that night, but they ended up staying the night. I gave Kat a super short haircut, and it’s super cute but she thinks she looks like a boy, not helped by Tanzanians who tell her so on a regular basis :( it will grow out, but I still think it’s funky.

Big fat lizard just peered in my door at me. <3

Work is still slow, but I’m still “on it”. Finally I feel like my old confidence is coming back. Researching grad programs is keeping me busy and future-focused. When I look at the calendar I realize how fast this year will go by. 10 more months. Linnea comes end of March. Girls conference is Feb (finally got grant approved!), and grant committee meeting. Malaria training in April. This basketball court thing I want to get moving and finish. COS conference in September. Joe and the EcoExplorers class come in June. Still want to go to Mwanza, Kigoma, Mafia, Matema… like I said, it will fly by.

Meeting today at ward head to choose girls for conference, also to talk about malaria training. Finding new work partners lately, the community change agent volunteer for malaria education, I once thought she was kinda annoying but she’s really dedicated and I’m excited to work with her on these projects. She knows who to talk to about what and is helping me find $ for the malaria training.

]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/2213/feed/0rachelboswell1/26/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/12613/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/12613/#commentsTue, 05 Feb 2013 13:36:13 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=545Continue reading →]]>Finished Eat, Pray, Love. Don’t think I’ll pass it on before reading it again. It’s helping me, I think. The idea that the woman I want to be is pulling my current, struggling me into herself – it’s sinking in. I got this. Feeling already more centered, more balanced. Ok with whatever the future brings because I am willing myself into the future that I want. I am in control; I am making the choices in my life that will bring me happiness and contentment. I’ve already come so far on this personal journey, from that angry, fiery, anxious child to here, to now. Still working on all those things, but aware of it all, making conscious efforts to mold myself into myself, into the me I know I can be. I’m in there already, I just have to keep cultivating, nurturing the garden of thoughts in my mind, weed out the things that are holding me back.

Going to make bread with Mama Iyami today, teach her something new. Iyami is very sick these days, has a huge skin eruption on his hip and can’t wear clothes. Haven’t been hanging out there enough, but sometimes the sadness of the place gets to me. It’s already hard to stay solid here, and I have to convince myself that I’m not a bad person because of my need for some measure of self-preservation.

Made ‘hummus’ out of njugu, a squishy ground nut – so delicious, lots of garlic, some cumin, olive oil, eaten with utensils of cucumber, my last cucumber for 2 more weeks.

I can do this I can do this I can do this. So lonely. But must get ok first before meeting someone. Must get unlonely while alone in order to get unlonely w/ someone else.

While in Dodoma last time, on my way back from MSC, stopped for an espresso at Sipe and got to talking to cute German guy. He invited me on an adventure to find a winery, so we went. His motorcycle chain came off in a small village and took a while to fix, with help from local villagers and their dull Philips head screwdriver. Was too late to go to winery when all was said and done, so he drove me ‘home’ to Yue’s and asked if I’d like to get dinner later. Of course! We went for Chinese, kind of date, awkward but sweet hug at end, but he’s only here on holiday, back to Germany to be a teacher next week. When do I get a second date? A third? A relationship? I guess when the time is right, super challenging to keep that in mind and be ok w/ it. When the time is right. While I’m living in a small village in Africa w/ no money and horrid transportation – not the right time. 9 ½ more months to go… but then the question always presents itself – what then? Patience, Rachel, says my future me, it will all work out. Look where you are and what you’ve already done! How can life turn out to be anything other than amazing? You make it amazing, your efforts, your hard work have brought you here. Luck has nothing to do with it. You are the captain of this ship.

I’m finding that talking to myself like this actually helps. Thanks for the idea, Liz Gilbert.

Time to bake bread.

]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/12613/feed/0rachelboswell1/23/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/02/12313/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/02/12313/#commentsSat, 02 Feb 2013 16:47:46 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=542Continue reading →]]>Mbula only swept one of my garden beds. Progress. Went to do Zinduka today, waited around for Samweli forever til he returned from a meeting that never happened b/c ppl didn’t show up, did not show him that that’s exactly what he did to me just now – if no meeting, just tell me! Hey Tanzania, stop lying to make yourselves look better! It does not do anyone any favors to protect people’s feeling until they are angry and annoyed! Oh well, I’m used to it. It’s funny how they complain about their own culture, like do something about it, start making a change!

Talked to Dr. Today about malaria training, excited to get started but it will be a lot of work/leg work for me, coordinating w/ health center, school and vill government. Dr. is all for it though and we made a list of people to invite or training together.

Looked over World AIDs Day poster contest, excited to do this w/ primary school kids. Will be easy to implement b/c the headmaster is my bestie! Hopefully next week I’ll do that.

Tomato vines did not die, morning glories not so lucky. Planted sunflowers, forget-me-nots and a few marigolds. Courtyard is green and peaceful.

Been roasting my own coffee lately. Can get green bean in the markets, and I roast them in a pot over charcoal, shaking constantly kind of like popcorn. First batch I thought I burned, but I ground it and took it to Christmas at Nana & Terry’s, we brewed it and it tasted delicious! So smooth, dark, faint fruity notes. Second batch I took off heat earlier, is nice but not as dark and heavy.

Been really into Breaking Bad lately. Almost done with season 2, such a good show. Also got shortwave radio to work, the solar doesn’t do anything, but as soon as I put real batteries in I got BBC right away. Now I can know what’s going on in the world. Syria, Mali and India are worrying me for all different reasons.

Went to order a cute dress yesterday! Fun fabric, getting a knee-length dress w/ tea-length sleeves, 3 buttons at high collar, to be worn with my usual belt. Intend to wear in America if it comes out as I imagine. Really like this new seamstress I found in my village, her name is Rose. So nice, listens, sews well with her Arusha education.

Everyone is farming these days. All day the village is empty as everyone is out planting. In the evenings everyone is exhausted, napping under the trees on mats.

Found a new coach for Zinduka – my friend Mariamu or Mama Raia. She is a real Tanzanian woman – farmer, Muslim, mother, wife, and she’s a hoot. Fun to be around and well respected. I know she’ll be a good role model for the girls in Zinduka, and they need her presence.

Stuff is happening!

Set up with women’s group to teach every week a new activity – jam, bread, peanut butter, bug repellant, knitting, cakes, possibly even sewing/beading. Meeting tomorrow to discuss plans.

Have a cold – runny nose made more annoying by fact that toilet paper is so valuable/hard to get.

Grant committee meeting scheduled in Dodoma 2nd week in Feb. Glad I don’t have to go to Dar.

People wanting to change dates for Girls Conference – at this stage really! Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday! Someone else going to America for a wedding. UGH. Sick of “being in charge” of this thing that is supposed to be a group effort.

]]>https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/02/02/12313/feed/2rachelboswell1/22/13https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/12213/
https://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/12213/#commentsMon, 28 Jan 2013 10:31:25 +0000http://rcbintanzania.wordpress.com/?p=531Continue reading →]]>Feeling pretty motivated and positive today, for several days actually. Zinduka has its’ flaws and hang-ups, but is happening and I think it’s going well overall. Inspired to work more at clinic, new nurse=new work partner and new possibilities. Trying to plan malaria training of trainers with clinic workers, maybe Steph P., another PCV who has done this training will be able to come to help out. Maybe all this meditation yoga stuff IS helping my confidence? Have grand ideas of more sessions at health center on various health topics. Things are looking up and I might make a difference after all. Had a down day yesterday, my mom is impossible to contact and now it’s been at least 2 months since I’ve talked to family in the states. Mommy where are you?

Explained to Mbula not to sweep my garden – we’ll se in a couple hours if it worked or not. My pickles came out nicely, sweet and garlicky. Out of peanut butter – disaster! Not going to town again for 2 ½ weeks… What will I dip my one remaining carrot in? Maybe I’ll julienne them for stir fry.

Need to talk to women’s group about grant problems. Doesn’t look like we’ll get funded for project. Girls’ conference grant ALMOST approved. Maybe? I hope so, we are shooting for end of Feb and need to plan w/ our students. Also thinking of collecting donations for a basketball court or volleyball net for the community. Would love for the kids to be able to play sports w/ real balls on real courts, instead of rolled-up plastic bags on dust.

I’m excited about this malaria training, I really hope it works out.

Listened to Beach House this morning, as usual. Read Eat Pray Love, still in India part. Her views on spirituality are appealing to me. Still trying to meditate or do yoga every day.

Found first scorpion in house – teeny tiny guy, easy to miss, easy to step on. Verbally exclaimed ‘oh crap’ then squashed deliberately. Do not want a scorpion stinging me in my sleep. Also moved a rock in courtyard to find long slimy thing with no legs, but def not a snake. No idea what it is, same as the crazy guy Ilala brought to my door last year. Squirmed away once revealed.

Linnea is coming to visit me from Sweden!!! I’m so so so excited, SO EXCITED! We will have Abba dance parties, like old times, get scuba certified, climb Mt. Meru, go to Tarangire National Park to see elephants and Zebras, swim in Moshi’s hot springs and chill in my village. This is my dream plan at lest, we’ll see if we have time for it all :) I can’t wait to have a visitor. I hope I have enough cash for this extravagant trip.

A while back I went to Tanga to teach the newbies in training. I did a session on understanding working partners, cultural differences, etc. All their fresh faces pumped me up w/ energy. I’m always nervous talking to groups, being facilitator, etc., so my usual nervous laughs and jokes permeated the session, but over all it went really well and I got a lot of good feedback. I’m much better at talking one-on-one w/ folks, but I need to practice public speaking if I want to succeed in today’s world so it’s good to get up there and bumble my way through it. I’ve been here over a year now, so the new guys look at me like I’m awesome, an expert. My Swahili baffles them, and my comfort level is envied (also my wardrobe :)). This was a pretty good ego/confidence boost. The second day I went back to my old training vill to help with their community meeting/map drawing activity. I helped facilitate a little and translate, but was hands-off and enjoyed watching them figure things out. This is a really good group, I had fun hanging out in the old vill w/ new people, in a non-stressed state of mind. Seeing all my old neighbors was so nice, I can have conversations, people remember me, young kids cry at first then get over it. My mama and baba did not get a new trainee this time around, probably b/c of my review – they are not bad people but the housing situation w/ all the people and noise and lack of privacy and downtime and help b/c mama and baba are so busy – was not conducive to learning and adjusting. Wonderful people though. I was sad to only be able to spend like 30 min with them because PC insisted on picking me up early to go back to Tanga. I intend to go back at lest one more time before leaving here, maybe stay the night? I feel bad for having been a recluse during training b/c of all the stuff I was going through, but now I can visit, no stress, have relaxed conversations, feel like a friend and not a burden.

All the stuff w/ the new trainees was awesome, but hanging w/ my fellow trainers not so much. Why do I feel so out of place and so disliked by my peers? Actually it’s mostly just one unpleasant person. Oh well. OH WELL I SAY! I have got to get over letting small things ruin everything else. Stayed at the haunted mansion guesti again, shitty but cheap, alone and it was quiet and non-dramatic. Met up w/ everyone one night for Indian, including Mel, a recent Tanga addition, gave her a haircut she likes, feels good to be able to help people be it w/ photography or hairdressing. When I arrived it was Tanique’s birthday – beers and swimming in the bay, meeting some newbies who actually have some freedom this year to be out and about – perhaps due to our class’s whining?

Anyways, this has all been about the week I actually taught. I haven’t written about the week all us trainers met to go over the training together – TOT, training of trainers. That week was weird. So weird to be back in Muheza w/ my peers after so long. I don’t have fond memories about my training, and this feeling of dread filled me as soon as I arrived at the standi. It was rough, but good to be able to put in my two cents about ‘free time’ and ‘American time’ to hopefully help the new class cope better. I still think everyone thinks I’m a whiner, but if even after a year I still think it was traumatic, them I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my imagination. Felt a bit outside the group as usual, but managed to find moments of fun and happiness. Still feeling solid after my return from America, but don’t think the general loneliness will go away until I’m out of this particular assignment and group of people.

At the end of the week we arranged to all go to the sand bar – a literal bar of sand that appears and disappears w/ the tide. We hired a boat, a heavy wooden mass with a canopy and a large central table, to take us out there. We frolicked quite literally on the sand, searched for interesting shells and crabs and sea urchins, Brandon chased Valencia w/ a crab, she ran, we drank wine and huddled around Tanique’s small iphone speaker, the boat crew stopped on the way out to meet a lady on a long dock who handed over a pot of homemade pilipili then lit up grills on the sand bar, creating a delicious meal of fresh fish, veggies and ugali. The tide came in fast and unexpectedly, forcing us all to run for the boat, the crew scrambling with the hot grills, dumping ash in the ocean and cooling the tools in clouds of steam. The lead guy was quite cute, I think he was maybe hitting on me? I can only hope.

Our sand bar time was quite short, so they took us over to some mangroves to swim and frolic some more. Even more interesting shells and crabs abounded. We had a headstand contest in the water, Brandon surprising us all with leg movements reminiscent of synchronized swimming. Nora was a clear winner. I always get water up my nose. We were all out there as a group, but away from the prying eyes, vicious stares, catcalls and begging of every day. A memory to keep for ever. Glenn brought his guitar for added ambience.

After TOT I ended up back in Babati on my own, on a Sunday. I ran all my errands and noticed how much calmer Sundays are in town than weekdays. I felt like I owned Babati. I walked around in jeans and my NIPO shirt like a boss. I bought my peanut butter like a boss. I drank chai like a boss. I GOT MY MAIL LIKE A BOSS. Harassment rolled off me, this is my town.

Maria came to meet me then go to my vill. We waited forever for my bus to leave b/c they lied about the time – STOP LYING TANZANIA! We watched a guy flop around a big basket of chickens, making them squawk endlessly, squeal and step on one another’s heads. Several eggs gell out as they were rolled to and fro. The guy picked one up, dusted it off, cracked it, separated yolk from white in his hands, all while Maria and I are wondering to each other ‘what is he doing?’ Then he eats the thing and we audibly gag and make faux vomiting noises. He laughs and says ‘for health!’, but we counter – ‘Gross! Bacteria! If you die, sorry dude!’ – all in Swahili of course. Yuck. Another thing not to be forgotten.

So anyways back to when I did teach – on the way back home is topped in Morogoro to hopefully meet the newer ed class at their in-service training. I was staying w/ Tyler T, and this was the weekend I realized how awesome and easy to get along with and talk to Tyler is. Tyler, Raychel and I met up w/ a bunch of folks at a bar, but they all left for food at the training site, leaving Tyler, Raychel and I on our own, drinking beers, konyagi + juice, (not together of course). It was so much fun; one of those evening that just WORKS, you know what I mean? Tyler and I went back, talked til late in the night, listening to a hodgepodge soundtrack from his ipod – Hank Williams, Hey Mercedes, Flaming Lips etc. It was good.

I never finished talking about shadow w/ Jenna. After a night in her austere house, we woke, dressed, prepared our things to leave alter on, met with Boi and her VEO, were introduced to some other people, learned about all the projects and groups already active in the community and took a walk to get to know the lay of the land. Jenna will be the first volunteer there, so everyone was curious to see two white girls walking around. Two young girls on a walk tried to show us the way back to the clinic, but for some reason lead us to another clinic super far away. Why doesn’t anyone listen to the words that come out of people’s mouths here? Do we all speak in vain? Well we got a nice walk out of it anyway. The landscape is beautiful, similar to my village. Mountains to the west, plains to the east. Apparently there is a cashew farm somewhere. For breakfast the VEO Ayubu took us to a local café where we had the best beans I’ve ever had in country. I’d kill for a café like that in my vill.

We finished our tour, said our goodbyes to the doctor and other acquaintances, closed up the house and made our way on foot to the village where my bus passes from Kondoa. We were told it was maybe 5k, but it ended up being maybe 8 or 10 in the hot sun in the desert. It was early enough to not be too miserable, but chafing ensued and our bags were heavy. I was mostly fine, keeping up energy for Jenna, who had a harder time. I like to hike and walk and sometimes forget it’s not for everyone. We made it in one piece, had warm sodas and lunch at the junction village, fell asleep under a mango tree and awaited my bus, which was packed to the gills when it got to us. We bumped along the road for a couple more hours, always squished because no matter how many empty seats there are, someone always wants to sit next to the white people. No matter how hot and sweaty we all are. But we made it, got to my house, made plans to visit all my important families and dance Kirangi, got comfortable at home then went for dinner at Mama Hussein’s 0 more incredibly delicious beans – it was a good bean day, good bean luck. We had a mini dance party w/ the kids, got full, laughed and drank a couple cocktails at home, and zinked out early.

Next day was sweet rice for breakfast, lunch with Samweli + Mama Daudi, dinner w/ Mama Iyami, another dance party, and killing time walking around in between. Jenna commented that I greet everyone, which is sort of true. I greet my friends, and I feel I have a lot of them now. The Kirangi dancing fell though, but we visited the mama’s house where it usually happens. Zinduka also fell through, so to Jenna maybe it seems like I don’t do any work, but we ahd a good time anyway. I locked up the house next morning, 5am and we hopped a bus to Babati to meet some other folks w/ their shadows on the say back to Muheza to finish training.