Everbody who’s still here is either obviously completely masochistic, a total fanboy/girl, a complete and total stalker (in which case, go away), or just someone who appreciates a good comics debate.

So get comfy and prepare to write your rebuttals.

Except you stalkers. You can go join Starfire in the “feeb” pit. I’ll add the alligators later.

Now, before I resume my listing, I figured it might help if I gave explanations for who I didn’t use. This might curtail some of you fans from trying to convince my my choices are “wrong, wrong, wrong!”

Or I’ll just give you more ammo. Who’s to say?

Wonder Girl: Almost made the cut. She’s been getting slightly more interesting lately, and I’ve gotta admit, in both images above she’s cute as a button. J Unfortunately, it seems the only way to make her interesting is to dump a cluster of new abilities onto her (a magic lasso of her own that conducts lightning? Provided by Ares? Bwuh?) which smells too much of ‘retcon’ and desperation. I give her a year for them to actually resolve some things and make her interesting, cause she can be so much more. And then I’ll invite her in with open arms.

Troia: She’s dead, folks. Let her stay that way.

Starfire: Surely we aren’t so desperate that we need a female alien Coppertone ad walking around in an outfit that professional hookers would cringe at the idea of wearing? Besides, I have it on good authority those aren’t real anyways. Sorry, guys. All this character does is inspire really bizarre photoshop jobs like below (never let it be said I don’t do anything for you guys who only buy comics for the pictures). Plus, her expression during a lot of early days seems too vapid for words. She’s the closest thing to a ‘My First Alien Blow-Up Doll’ by Fischer-Price.

Cyborg: Hey, the guy tried to kill Superman! What are we doing letting him on this tea-…oh, wait, wrong guy. The other Cyborg has, to me, moved beyond the need to be on a team called the “Teen Titans.” This guy deserves a shot at the big time. Maybe the Outsiders. Or if he studies really hard, the Justice League.

Just about anybody from Team Titans: Move along, nothing to see here.

Terra: Why, oh god why did DC have to bring her back? She was the perfect mixture of cool (tricking the Titans, an inventive new power) and creepy (having regular sex with Deathstroke the Terminator?!), but her story should have ended after the Judas storyline. Someone give me a shovel, cause we’re planting her six feet under again. (Besides…she was on Team Titans.)

Secret: Cute idea at first. And then it just got weird. Somebody fill me in on the details, it turned out she was a Spectre-like being, correct? Nuh-uh. We ain’t having none of that.

Green Arrow: Oh god, did I want this guy on the team. It’d have been so awesome to have someone connected to the Green Arrow legacy again like that who wasn’t a total junkie (remember those days? Do ya?). Too bad he’s too old.

Lagoon Boy: Hee hee hee. Okay, let’s just move onto the main part of the article.

(Lagoon Boy. Geez, somebody at DC must have stayed up late thinking that name up.)

Move on to Part 4 for the conclusion to this as I unveil the final six members who did make the cut.