George W. Bush visits Algeria. As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people:
“You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra…”

Two mathematics professors are having lunch at a restaurant. The first mathematician keeps complaining about how ignorant the typical American is and how he’s suprised that the average person in this country has enough mathematical prowess to balance a checkbook.

The second mathematician says, “Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh? The average person surely has more mathematical ability than you give them credit for.”

The first mathematician responds, “Absolutely not! I’m sure if you asked the first person you met on the street to solve a basic algebra problem, they would have no idea where to start.”

The second mathematician says, “Okay, I’ll make a bet with you. At the end of the meal, I’ll ask our waitress to solve a calculus problem. If she can solve it, you pay for lunch. If she can’t, I’ll pay.”

“Thanks in advance for lunch!” the first mathematician says confidently.

Later, while the first mathematician is in the bathroom, the second mathematician flags the waitress down and says, “Listen, when you bring us our check I’m going to ask you a math question. I want you to answer, ‘one-half x-squared.’ Can you remember that? If you do, I’ll leave an extra big tip.” He encourages her to write it down phonetically and practice it so that it seems natural.

At the end of the meal, after the waitress puts the bill on the table, the second mathematician says, “Oh, Honey, tell me, could you answer a little question for me? What’s the integral of x with respect to x?”

The waitress looks unsure at first, but says, “One-half x-squared.”

With a grin, the second mathematician slides the bill over to the first mathematician.

On the way out of the restaurant the second mathematician notices that the first mathematician is looking curiously at the bill.

“What’s the matter?” asks the second mathematician. “Don’t tell me she added wrong. That would be quite the irony!”

“No,” says the first mathematician. “I’m trying to figure out why our waitress wrote ‘plus a constant you idiot’ on the back of our bill.”