This sounds simple, but it actually takes something to give up that we already know how a conversation will go, that we already know what there is to know about ourselves and the other person and what’s possible in the relationship.

Consciously choose instead to be open to something new, open to new ways of being and an outcome that’s outside of what’s familiar. That kind of openness and sense of wonder sets the stage for real intimacy.

Throw away the script

It’s natural to fall into patterns when it comes to the conversations we have with the people we’re closest to.

But it gets a bit boring, doesn’t it? When you’re in a conversation with your spouse and you find you’re saying something you’ve said before, stop yourself and ask what there is to say that you haven’t said.

Challenge yourself to give up your own familiar lines and instead express something that’s new and real.

Risk something

We are conditioned to think that fully sharing ourselves and letting people in on what’s really going on is a bit risky.

We don’t want to look bad, we don’t want to be judged, we worry about giving up being right about something or giving someone else the upper hand.

But there is nothing more attractive and lovable than someone being willing to reveal their own humanity.

When you are generous and courageous enough to share with your partner about where in life you’ve been pretending to have it all together but don’t, for example, you create an opening for them to be generous and open as well.