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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49J has 10 more shopping days until my birthday. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys

J has 10 more shopping days until my birthday.

If I ever get any time when I’m not either working or trying to kill myself by falling off of ladders, I might start blogging again. I’m fine, but my back hurts like hell. I’m not sure, but I think a kidney exploded on impact, and maybe even my spleen. Fuck, I don’t know, all I know is it hurts. And no, I wasn’t drunk. Then. Later, I self-medicated with some left over pain pills from 2002 I found in the linen closet and I washed them down with some vodka I found in the back of the freezer. Apparently, I have drugs and booze stashed all over my house. Maybe I should spring clean sometime, but then again, if I found everything all at once I’d probably OD. So laziness is saving my life, y’all. Besides, it’s like going on an Easter egg hunt every time I have a headache or cramp. I really should become a test subject for research into the effects of old medicine and booze on the human body. Maybe I’ll look into that later, but right now I’m going to go party like it’s 1999. Seriously. I just found some muscle relaxers dated then.

Whenever you decide to get up on a ladder again can you set up a video camera to capture it? I’ll split the America’s Funniest Video cash prize with you fifty-fifty. If you OD, I’ll buy gin and circus peanuts in your memory. Maybe put up a sign on a telephone pole.

I do care. I even sent you goat pictures. But there’s a commercial, business side as well. My motto, if I had a motto, would be never let an opportunity to make a buck off someone else’s misfortune pass you by.

Damn Laura! I swear ladders are the devil’s work. Hate them with a passion!

My birthday is the 12th. Sadly, for years I have hinted, threatened, and pleaded for a great birthday. Nobody can live up to my expectations of birthday goodness. So far no exotic trip to fiji, intimate concert with Van Halen or Aerosmith, or candy apple 1976 Jeep CJ-7 sitting in the drive. It sucks to be me.

HEY! Im baaaack. anyway when ever I meet a new guy and he askes me out and I say “sure” naturally “when?” and he says “how bout Saturday nite?” and I say “Oh great. thats my birthday” so they always get me a present. I do that so if it doesnt work out I always get a present. It’s not really my birthday though… I’m Lying right off the bat.. hahhahhah