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What are your dating deal breakers?

Speaking of dating, do you guys have any dating deal breakers? :) My friend recently went out with a guy who wouldn't stop biting her while they kissed, and she woke up with bruises the next day! Isn't that straight out of Sex & the City?

Back in my mid twenties, when I was single and searching in Manhattan, I was riding the subway with a guy I was dating, and we were having a nice night, and all of a sudden he said, "You have the cutest little moustache." What?!?!? I tried to play it cool, but I was mortified. I laughed and asked him if he was serious, and he said, "Yeah, you have blonde hairs so it's hard to see, but you have a little moustache." I was so traumatized that I went home that night and shaved. Like a dude.

thankfully happily marrying a great man, but my DONTS are -no smokers. no looking at my chest when you speak to me. no talking down about others. no talking about your finances like you're a hot shot. no dirty sheets. and a semi clean bach pad is fine, but try to look like you can take care of yourself

I won't date a guy if he's not a reader. Or if his pick-up line is that he thinks I'd be cute in a Sailor Moon costumer (which happened recently) - I'm all for cosplaying, but I'm not a blonde schoolgirl!

i just went on a blind date this weekend (thrown together by one of my blog readers.... making the whole story terribly unbloggable) with a guy who asked me what "i liked to do for fun in the city {salt lake city!}" since most of the things he liked to do were illegal... "like blow things up or shoot things in the desert".

we had a painful, PAINFUL 4 more hours wandering around the planetarium. FOUR HOURS AT THE PLANETARIUM.

Oh my goodness. My now husband said 'nice moustache, by the way' to me before we started dating. Being of Oriental descent, it shows and I was mortified too! Luckily I didn't go and immediately shave, but instead went down the plucking and bleach route later on. Somehow we got married... :-)

This so reminds me of a series of fun drawings I did for my blog, all about first dates. Here's the link, including one about facial hair:

Oooh, that's awful! I once dated a guy who told my that his favourite thing about me was the way that my hair smelled...And I agree, Erin, someone who didn't read would be a HUGE issue for me. Also, someone who didn't like music - I grew up in a very literary, very musical family...

What a jerk! I cannot believe he actually said that! That's horrible! What's going on in the picture above is a BIG deal breaker for me :P and guys who aren't really interested in listening or asking questions to learn about you but instead more into talking about themselves the entire time.

My boyfriend in college asked me to wax my blonde "mustache". So for three years every other week I waxed my upper lip. The first time I did it I waxed off part of my lip and walked around with a huge scab, so much worse than a little hair. In three years though I got really good at it.

I stopped when we broke up but every now and then I get self-conscious and break out the wax. These things are scaring.

We are still friends and I give him a really hard time about it all now.

Oh god that's awful! You did NOT shave it! Funny story... I wasn't dating yet but when I was younger a boy in my neighborhood (who I had a huge crush on) told me I had hairy arms and wouldn't stop picking on me so I went home and shaved my arms! My mom was pretty angry and told me the hair would grow back worse than it was! I cried and cried.

About a year ago, I went on a date with a guy friend who I had no idea liked me (or that we had just been on a date). We got as far as making out, and in the midst of great kissing, he stuck his tongue in my ear! Not on. In. What?!

When they wear tennis shoes on a first date. Not like cute trendy sneakers, I'm talking like Nike running shoes. I live in Seattle--not exactly the fashion capital--but come on! Even worse, hiking boots. Yes it happened, on a third date (i.e., last date).

Oh Joanna, that's terrible! I laughed because it was kind of funny, the things that we go through/have to put up with. I am married but deal breakers were definitely non-readers and guys that were offended by bad words or health freaks! ha, I know I don't sound lady like but the last thing I want is some guy judging my potty mouth as he counts calories! just saying:)

oh boy, i've had some awful ones. Once a brain surgeon told me how much he made- on the first date! Then he tried to make out with me when i OBVIOUSLY wasn't into it. He was weird. He also ordered a drink called a strawberry fizz. I got a beer.

A HUGE dealbreaker for me is....smoking weed. I seem to attract stoners, i don't know why. I dated a few against my better judgement. blah.

You are my hero and I love you for this! One guy (aka jerk ex-boyfriend) asked me why I had hair on my forehead. He said it was odd because he knew others Asians and they didn't. Anything that involves hair or comparing me to other people are huge dealbreakers.

Wow! That's terrible. I'm sure you so did not even have a moustache issue! Haha!

Dating Deal-Breakers? Clingy guys (!!!), overly mushy guys, guys who don't read, guys who turn into bragtastic jerks around their friends, and guys who I can't have an intelligent meaningful convo with every now and again.

NO way! Thats awful I would have plucked his eyebrows off in the night! haha Just kidding. I'd have to say that after dating a couple odd balls I've refined my list and made a couple key qualities that are deal makers and deal breakers. Long finger nails, lizard kissing, bad sense of humour and if they are unaware/not interesting in the environment and issues of the world.... step aside. But a man who can live his life, make a date, surprise, laugh big, a man who gives big consuming hugs, has big ideas, loves children, icecream and bike ride I'm waiting...oh and if you look like DOnald Draper!

I went on a date with one guy who confessed that this was a change up from his "usual weekend" because he usually sat in his basement playing video games and watching porn. Now, I'm a video game kinda girl but... porn?! Keep that stuff to yourself! There was never a second date.

my last date went on and on how she thinks girls that do sports are straight up ugly. especially ones that do ''guy'' sports. i thought it was the perfect moment to tell him about my plans on taking my thai boxing hobby one step forward and starting to fight in a real ring.

when a guy's response to anything you say is some sort of "i've done that too...only better" kind of thing. no need to one up someone all the time! Obviously a deal breaker if a guy steals from you - which unfortunately really happened to me. p.s. a guy told me I had a moustache one time too so I feel your pain, embarrassment etc! The cheek of some guys!

hahahaha wow! that is hilarious. One time a guy did a similar thing to me. He said "You know a girl needs to shave her mustache when you can pinch it. Let me try to pinch yours." ???????? what the...???? NO!-Crystal

I don't know why guys would even mention our mustache!! I had a mustache sitation once too. I was in Middle School, and as a very shy girl, I sent a note via "a messenger" to the boy I was in love with. He knew it, but I was just too shy to talk to him. Anyways, on the note I asked if he would like to go on a date with me. And his answer was (he didn't write but said it to my friend) "yeah if she didn't have a mustache!" I was horrified and cried for 2 weeks. But 3 years later I was still in love with him but we never dated.... Since then I'm waxing my face every week haha

Happily married now, but went the online dating route and hated it when men lied...lying men in general suck, but don't lie when you know you can be caught...i.e. don't tell me your are 5'6" and when I meet you, you are shorter than me at 5'3"...really?

I am newly single and have been on a few dates. I find guys are very confident when it comes to going in for a kiss...even on a first date! I've realized if I am interested in just hanging out as friends but still do want to hang out, I need to say so! I'm thinking the words, "Yes! But don't try to kiss me!" ;)

I don't have a list of dealbreakers (outside of the men I see needing to be feminist, liberal, generally upstanding), but I did have one notably terrible date.

It was with a Russian guy who took me to the Russian Vodka Room (Original!) and proceeded to talk about himself the entire evening - that is, when he wasn't discussing his friends' terrible relationships, his love of open marriage, and his ex-girlfriend, who was apparently super-dirty in the sack due to being the child of two ministers.

(Note: I have no problem with open marriage, so long as it's consensual, but it's not really first date material, you know?)

I was JUST looking through your past posts, trying to figure out how you and Alex met (I was trying to figure out how to find one of my own!). I'm single in DC and oh how I despise dating most of the time--it makes for stories that are usually hilarious only in retrospect.

Some of the turn-offs I've experienced: a mixed CD brought to me on a first date (he hadn't even met me yet!), a guy who cut his burger into halves to eat it, a guy who talked incessantly about the French horn, cocky guys, over-sharers, super-conservatives, picky eaters. The absolute worst? A foot fetishist. Sometimes I just want to give up!

I too was teased horribly about my mustache in elementary school (dark hair thanks to my Portuguese descent), but thankfully have only been with understanding and tactful men when it comes to that!

I did go on one date where he took me to a play (at our university, this was fine) and then back to his dorm to watch a pot smoker movie that he though was hilarious. It was our only date, but it was all I could do to get him to stop coming around afterwards.

One of my biggest turn offs is smoking. In fact, my now husband smoked before we dated. He liked me before I knew it, and found out I really didn't like smoking, so he quit there and then just to be more attractive to me! He's a keeper.

A deal braker for me is when a guy doesn't like new things/change. I had a guy tell me before that he only ate meat and potatoes and that he would not under any circumstances try new foods, even if I asked.

P.S. My rule is first dates are only coffee only. Learned this after several misadventures. And it has worked out for the best.

I can't believe that guy said that to you! I would have reacted the same way lol. I'm currently in a strained long distance relationship. But my dealbreakers are smoking and slobbery dogs. I just don't like dogs. Also, a guy needs to let me to order food first. And if they swear a lot, or are overly crude, that's a turn off.

Ok my deal breaker (as an old married women) is that they have to be left handed like me!

KIDDING - but seriously all the guys I've dated have been left handed! How weird is that?

Hahaha, no serious deal breakers here - I've never gone out on a date with someone who i haven't known beforehand. And my first date with my now husband involved him forgetting his wallet and having to leave me as a 'hostage' at the restaurant while he ran home to get it?? And I married him!

Ugh, my boyfriend points out my "mustache" all the time and it bothers the heck out of me!

I dated a guy about two years ago who, whenever conversation got quiet, would say, "Did you fart?" He said it, like, five times a night. The first time, I said, "No, did you?" and he didn't reply--and every time after that, I pretended like he hadn't said anything. He was 28, but it was such a childish joke and after a month, I just couldn't date him anymore, despite how attractive he was.

I feel your pain. My now ex-boyfriend (whom I was with for nearly ten years) never said a single thing to me about my mustache until after I started waxing it. And then he decided to tell me how he was so glad I was finally waxing because it was something he noticed every time we kissed. Mortifying.

Other dealbreakers: non-readers, condescension, poor grammar, always checking their Smartphone, and being rude to your mother.

These aren't entirely deal breakers, but I personally think it would be difficult to date someone who did not like cheese or cilantro.

ACK! Are you serious? I would have smacked him! I dated a guy who said to me "you're so beautiful, you could probably be a supermodel... if you lost 30 pounds." Then, with my mouth hanging open, he said, "well, maybe 40." WHAT?! I was 5'9", 150 pounds at the time, so if I lost 40 pounds, I definitely could have been a anorexic super model.

Cigarettes are a no-no for me, but thankfully I'm married to a wonderful man who is practically perfect in every way :-)

Oh these are all so awesome! I have an entire web site that I started just to capture the horrible dealbreakers I was hearing from friends. I haven't updated it in a bit but this just inspired me to post again!http://www.datingdealbreakers.com/

Prior to my great husband of seven years, my deal breaker would have to be the “Toppers!” You know the ones I am talking about. You have a terrible day at work, but their day was much worse. You both wake up sick with the flu, but of course they are sicker. Whatever the story or issue they have to top you. Which is probably why my ex husband is just that an ex! And my favorite topper story of all was when I had just given birth to our son, and he was complaining about how tired he was. Please! However, there was some satisfactions recently when his girl-friend broke up with him and he asked me “Do you think I am a topper?” I guess she thought he was too!

Love this post, Jo! I married a GREAT guy last year after nearly 10 years of dating and we consider ourselves super lucky to have found each other-we are an awesome match! That said, my deal-breakers were: smokers, drug addicts, non-readers, mama's boys, abusive (physically or emotionally), doesn't like children, doesn't like animals, rude to customer service people/waitstaff, non-ambitous, non-adventourous.

Oh that's terrible. A guy walked me home from a second date, and when we got there, I said "I'd invite you in, but my place is a mess." It wasn't, but I clearly did not want him to come in. His response? "Oh, I can just wait out here while you clean up." So I went inside and stood around, panicking for 5 minutes before letting him in, and eventually asked him to leave after he had worn out his welcome. Too much.

I'm dating two people now and both have some things I'm on the fence about. One is a really messy eater. He uses his hands a lot and it grosses me out! He has lots of great qualities as well, though, and he's a reader. :) The other is really cute and sweet, but he has some hygiene issues: there is this icky mystery rash on his arm... I'm too nervous to ask him about it.

These are hilarious! My biggest no-no's would have to be guys with no ambition/drive (they also tend to be guys who play lots of video games...interesting). I'm pretty driven myself and I just can't stand the thought of someone who has no goals, hopes, or dreams! Also, guys who are rude or condescending to retail workers/servers/cleaning staff etc. Finally, bad oral hygiene. Please don't make me grateful that I've had the hepatitis vaccines when you try to kiss me.

My deal breakers? I've been asked on more than one occaion, "Can you really make a living doing what you do?" and "What's wrong with you?" (when they learn I've never married) I love men and enjoy dating. My answers (preceded by a smile) are "Yes" and "Nothing" :-) A man who askes these questions has stepped over the line of "my deal breakers"

...I can't remember anything horrible at the moment, but I think my friend was either seeing this guy, or he was just a friend, either way, my friend is beyond beautiful, and this guy says to her "you are so pretty, but have you ever considered getting your ARMS waxed"? yes, she has dark hair but mind you, she's not a monkey!

I knew my boyfriend and I were going to break up when he told me, "MacKenna...you're so close to perfect." I think he meant it in a sweet way, but I was so offended. It still makes me mad now! I also had a boyfriend who I really, really liked but who had no interest in pursuing an education past high school. For some reason I just couldn't get over how much I disliked that. Definitely a deal breaker.

I went on a date once with a guy who showed up wearing sweatpants. Like, the kind that are all scrunched and gathered around the ankle. Not necessarily a deal breaker for me...but later on he mentioned how he doesn't really enjoy food and just eats because he has to and is pretty much ascetic. For me, someone who oohs and aahs over delicious meals and foods, that triggered Liz Lemon in my brain, saying, "Now that's a deal breaker, lady!"

Oh there are so many stories! Good ones, sweet ones, hilarious ones. One guy (after showing up 45 minutes late to our first date - that he scheduled at 9am) actually text me "I have a heart-on for Mondays." Was that an apology?Apparently it's a reference to The Office, but I didn't get it at all.

ha my little fine hairs are dark, so i do have a mustache! i bleach it and am just praying no one can really tell. ha. i've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and still haven't told him i bleach it! i'm scared.

but i'm not really sure what my deal breakers are. i think it's just that my man has to be a man. no waxing, pedicures, he can't be more dramatic or emotional than me. i like rough and tumble men :)

I'm married now, but this is a topic that comes up a lot in conversation because most of my friends are still single. In my opinion, any time a guy blows you off after promising to hang out, it's a deal breaker. You can be friends with them, but clearly they don't have the kind of tact or mutual respect that a relationship deserves, even if you're not "serious" with one another. One friend of mine has been doing the online dating thing. A few months ago she and a guy exchanged phone numbers after messaging for a few weeks. He began texting and calling her, but she soon realized he kept confusing her with other women - presumably women he was romantically involved with! Major deal breaker, albeit a hilarious story to share with friends.

Guys can be so obtuse! My deal-breakers are being mean to anyone, ANYONE! Being clingy, smoking, not being able to carry on an actual conversation, and for first dates I do have one iron clad rule - his thighs CAN NOT be slimmer than mine. And mine are not slim. Sorry, I just can't handle that.

Hahaha - theses date stories are too funny! Made my evening! We don't really date like in the US in Germany I guess but major deal breakers for me are guys who get too close too quickly. And I cannot handle chewing noises while eating (and I don't even mean smacking only) - I do need to close my ears or turn the music louder...

Ohh.. Over the years I got quite a lot of those..First date, restaurant, after dinner waiter comes and gives us dessert menus - my 'date' reached for mine over the table, returned it to the waiter and said "She doesn't need it".. and kept browsing through his. Me (as well as the waiter) just kept staring at him with our jaws on the floor.

that mustache comment is ridiculous! haha! i just can't stand when a guy is rude to the waitstaff or a bad tipper, or is all-around clingy and needy. blah. luckily, my boyfriend is none of the above and absolutely wonderful :)

ohhhh my gosh. thats hilarious and awful at the same time! the worst date ever was when this guy complained about how much everything cost AND it was valentines day.(it was a cheap dinner and a movie with snacks... i mean seriously?! how cheap-o can you be!?)

thankfully im married now and i dont have to deal with the awkwardness of dating anymore!

Seriously? and what about those really bad kissers. I mean really bad...... Just few days ago, a guy gave me flossing lessons with his tongue. Or rather tried to count all of my teeth - from right to the left.. Central incisor, lateral incisor, canine..oh, oh! there is your second premolar! I just forgot to return his calls.

My husband once told me that he replied to my initial email to him - we met online - because I used the word "hasten" correctly. Improper grammar usage is a deal breaker for me. When I was in high school my litmus test was whether the guy liked the movie Room With A View, which is a pretty brutal test in retrospect.

I don't think this one was mentioned yet but my deal breakers for a first date (I would always make him choose) were: picking a lame/chain restaurant or bar and ordering a lite beer. If I'm drinking a lager or stout, you're not allowed to have a tasteless beer!

Also, any guy who doesn't know what he's doing with kissing. It's just a precurser to what WILL NOT be happening later.

So, I have one story... :) I'm a ballet dancer ,small ( 115 lbs @5'5), but with huge for my frame boobs( 30 E...). Let me tell you ...im always conscious of it as well as of any extra oz , which I guess is normal. I always wished to be a flat chested little skinny. So , I guy on the 4th date told me while talking about dance and arts " you know , you are pretty FAT for a ballerina, but all in the right places. I liiike it". I guess he meant it to be a compliment. But using the "f" word with the dancer?! Needless tp say , I've never seen him again... Another breakers are : dudes that discuss girls make-up abilities and that know way too much about make up as is... Dudes that do not appreciate arts - the worst ever is " oh, dance is for fizzies. I'm a GUY".

This is great! I have a list, and my now boyfriend helped create part of it, really. When we first started dating he would slap my butt when ever we would leave a store or place and I was walking in front of him. Drove me crazy (not in a good way) he stopped. The other thing he use to do that would have been a deal beaker was call me "devil woman!" I'm so grateful that he stopped when I brought it up:)

bahaha- this post made me laugh out loud! thats TERRIBLE of him! I once had a friend who wanted to date me. In the same sentence, call me "kind of flighty" and then proceed to ask me to dinner. It didn't go much further than that.

Hmm I don't know if anything like not into reading or being a bad dresser would actually be a deal breaker for me. I think if the guy was inconsiderate or treated me bad or other people that would be though.

deal breakers for me - bad breath. a mean spirit. and i once went on a first date with a guy who kept tapping me on the nose throughout the whole evening. i think he thought it was a cute, playful thing to do. i did not.

I couldn't date someone who shared different political views.... Horrible fights would happen. Also, smokers are SO out of the question. And hugeeee drinkers. Dad is an alcoholic, don't need a bf/husband like that! Luckily my bf is great :) But those are my deal breakers!!

So one time I went on this big group date with a bunch of friends and this guy I was really interested in. We went to dinner and the whole time we were there he complained about feeling sick and on the way home he threw up out the car window and all over himself... in the middle if traffic! Weak stomachs and hard? Complete deal breakers!

Somehow I find all of these comment wonderfully reassuring! I've just ended a brief romance with a man who, despite many fantastic qualities, possessed too many deal breakers for me to overlook: he schedules his life around quality time with his dog (WTF?), he does the silent burp thing (Um, gross), he uses his finger rather than a knife when eating (UGH!), he doesn't read books (despite the graduate education), is overly in touch with numerous lingering ex-girlfriends (took a call from one at 3 am when I was in bed with him!), and teasingly mocked me when I was sharing a difficult childhood memory. Not good. He's a goner.

thats so mean! i had a bad experience where a guy i went on a date with took one look at me and said, 'oh my goodness are you standing on a step?' because i was around an inch taller than him, and he felt threatened by my height. dreadful.

Ha, ha--no way? That's awful! Good thing you got rid of him, because if he was that insensitive on the first date ... can you imagine?! If a guy doesn't get along with his family or have a strong connection with them, then that's a big deal breaker for me.

I agree with everything said. For me, grammar and spelling are huge (a lot is not one word). Also, from a previous experience, I need someone who knows who Salvador Dali is. I don't mean you have to explain his works of art, I mean, you need to know the freakin' name, okay? I'd also have to say rude to retail workers or servers. A guy I was seeing was rude when a retail worker asked his phone number with the transaction, and in front of the store I said, "You know she's just doing her job and you were just a huge dick, right?" Oh, which reminds, me, I look for someone whos's sure of himself to put up with my emasculating ways, but still not be cocky and boastful.

One more thing, living in Texas, I can only handle a total of maybe two redneck hobbies. However, chewing dip, smoking, or being racist count as 5 each, so no need to apply.

These are my personal dealbreakers, aside from the obvious (such as cheating, abuse, being a serial killer, etc.):

- Not believing in God- Smokers- Unable/unwilling to understand or exercise proper English grammar- Zero sense of humor

I add this last one because I went on a horrific date with a guy who took everything I said literally and was completely incapable of understanding a joke, sarcasm, hyperbole, and so on. That was a tough hour to get through. Afterwards, he called and text messaged me several times, hoping to see me again so we could "do more romantic things next time." Yeesh!

Once I was out with a guy I'd been dating for a few months. It wasn't going well, mostly because he wasn't very engaged in any of my attempts at conversation. On our (long) drive home after dinner and a play, I gently mentioned that he'd been pretty quiet and he said "I'm sorry. I'm trying to listen to my tires."

He had just put new tires on his truck and was distracted by trying to determine how they were handling the highway. In retrospect, I should have known right then that this wouldn't work.

Oh my God. I love 99% of your posts, and like the other 1%...but this one seriously just made my day. I once had a guy blow into my nostrils. Like the picture above, but his mouth completely encompassed my nose and then he blew into it with full force. Definitely memorable. ; )

If they smoke, yuck!If they don't read...it makes me sad!If they don't like dogs.If they judge me based on the fact I love to cook and eat.

My ex used to get fed up with me and thought I put too much emphasis on food. It don't have an unhealthy obsession, I like to try new restaurants and I like to try new recipes. It always made me feel ashamed.

I once dated a guy that didn't like the feeling of napkins--kind of like how people don't like the sound of styrofoam--so he would wipe his hands all over himself and lick them while eating. I just couldn't take it!

Oh my gosh, that's hilarious!! You should have responded with something like "thanks! You have the cutest little chicken-legs." I definitely have dating deal breakers. I made a whole blog of it! Smoking is the most crucial. He could be Prince Charming himself and tell me that he's trying to quit but if he lights up, he leaves. I once went on a first date and found out that the guy had an unhealthy obsession with Taylor Swift. Or a guy who tries to have sex on a first date. Even if he's respectful after I say no, the fact that he would even think of trying on night #1 says a lot about what he's looking for. Also someone who drinks and drives and sees nothing wrong with it. You'd be surprise how common that actually is.

If he is like "Me myself and I blablabla and I blablablablabla and I prefer blablablabla". I once dated a boy that was only talking about him, his life, his friends (yes, he did have friends !!??!!), his hair (??), his travels... I only said one thing : "And me, I..." That's all !! Oh yes, and "Goodbye" too ! :-)

i went on a date with a guy who was COMPLETELY clueless about how to treat a woman. First, he was a major talker - just nonstop chatting about himself & never reciprocating my questions. Then, he ordered apps w/o asking if i wanted anything - just ordered for himself! ummm, okay. When the bill came he made me split it with him (yup, his food & all) He even had the nerve to lean in for a kiss after he dropped me off that evening -- I left him standing there puckered up. Here's a tip: if you don't pay for the first date (& your own food) don't expect the girl to kiss you! ughh.

First dates always get the P.S. Test! If he doesn't know the majority of the words to all the songs on the Graceland album or at least appreciate Paul Simon, it's usually a pretty good indication that there's something off about his character.

I agree about non-readers being a turnoff and a guy needs to be chivalrous - at least to the extent that he is courteous and kind. I went out with a guy who was doing a fellowship in DC for a summer. The first time we went out he kissed me and he licked my teeth. Yes, really... I thought "maybe he missed" or it was an accident. The second time we went out and he kissed me, he did it again. I never saw him again. SO GROSS!

A guy who tells me I need to hurry up & get married because I’m getting older. I’m 29. I'm fully aware. A guy who pushes too hard, too fast & borderline sexually assaults me.A guy who will pay for nothing. NOTHING. Yes, this happened to me once. And shame on me for going back for more.A guy who is clearly trying to get you wasted.A guy who is cheating on someone else by going out with you.A guy who is using you.A guy who is bi-sexual. A guy who is gay.A guy who is rude to my mom or my friends.A guy who hits, yells at, scares, overly criticizes, or tries to control me.A guy who doesn’t like animals. Or at least can’t understand why I love them. YOU don’t have to love them, but please let me enjoy my puppy, ok?A guy with bad table manners, who uses his hands to eat, & doesn’t even put the napkin on his lap. A guy with crud in his teeth. A guy who has slept with a prostitute. A guy who prefers to watch porn instead of make out with me.Not a total deal breaker (I understand there is context) but a guy who has left his wife, that’s a serious red flag.A guy who fights his ex-wife in front of me. A guy who screams at his ex-wife in front of me (um, hello? Raga-a-holic???)A guy who has ever gotten a girl pregnant.A guy who has had/currently has an STD.Any guy who makes me feel worthless.

Is that so much to ask for? I think not. Sadly, I have dated every single one of these guys. I think I’m due for a good one soon :)

i went on a blind date once- i suggested we go to the book store. when we got there i asked him what types of books he liked to read and he said, "oh, i don't really read..."WHAT?! i mean, i don't care if he said sports biographies or tom clancy novels (two things i have no interest in reading :) ) but come ON, you don't read?!?! ANYTHING?!?!the other problem was that his dad was italian (like, from italy, grew up there until university) and he didn't know A SINGLE WORD of italian! i love languages, and i always wished that my parents spoke a second language and had taught it to me growing up. the fact that he had that opportunity and took no advantage of it made me realize i could never respect him.(guys i'll never go out with- ones who expect sex/anything other than a hug, on the first date)

My first bf was beautiful... but soon dawned on me that he was seriously dumb. I couldn't have meaningful conversations with him about books, music, etc, and that made me really sad. So I decided that the men I dated from then on had to be intelligent, and if they were easy on the eyes, that's a bonus. Thank goodness my husband meets both requirements! :)

oh my gosh, that is too funny. way to be charming! my dealbreaker is bad manners. if a guy isn't well mannered & considerate, forget it! luckily i'm in a serious long-term relationship with the kindest and most polite boy i've ever met :)

My deal breaker is... his mom. I work with youth and kids which means I don't meet too many guys my age. Just recently a guy started volunteering. People have been asking if I might be interested in him. Problem is - I already know his mom and there is NO WAY I could be her daughter in law. She's mean... So I'm not even interested in the son - it's totally turned me off to him. We can be friends, but definitely nothing more.

My boss, who has a 2 year old son, said, "That's a scary thought! I could have an effect on whether my son would have a wonderful relationship or not." Fortunately, she's a nice loving person. Her son will be fine and find someone awesome.

I have lots, many of them I discovered when dating ex #2. If he smokes. Is too rough when making out. Puts me down because of something I like ex: I like reading and because he didn't he would put me down for it. Immature. Has no compassion, or understanding for others. Only cares about himself.... I could go on all day

To answer this question, I could probably list a bunch of negative characteristics that I would not be able to tolerate. . .1. Someone who sees the cup as always half empty2. Someone who has no ambition3. Someone who is a control-freak4. Someone who has dangerous addictions5. Someone who is self-absorbed6. Someone who is downright mean and angry7. A mama's boy8. Someone who has no boundaries9. Someone who is arrogant and cheap10. Someone who is narrow-minded

This was such a fun post and the comments are cracking me up! Love your blog and the smile it brings me. Unfortunately, i am notorious for being a serial dater...please mister right, I'm ready already!! That being said, I do have some hilarious stories and now have a list of deal breakers. Besides the obvious ones, he has to like dogs, there is just some sort of innocence in a guy who likes dogs :).

That is hilarious (though I'm sure it didn't seem so at the time)! I was once in a nail salon getting my eyebrows done when the waxer lady asked me if I wanted my mustache waxed as well. Um, I wasn't aware that I had a mustache, so no thanks

I went out with a guy at University the one time. Tall, intelligent, talented...a real catch. He had a bit of bad skin on his forehead which I didn't mind one little bit! He used to cover it a bit with makeup, whatever. I could get past that.

On our first date, he must have had a particularly bad skin day as he came out with a pretty big band-aid across his forehead claiming he'd walked into an open kitchen cabinet. Um, ok.

Whilst dessert was being served he slyly asked if I wanted an 'Expresso'. I said 'No, thanks - I don't drink those'. He then ensued to wink and lift his eyebrows in a highly comedic way. What he meant by Espresso was a quickie in the bathroom. This was our first date.

According to 3 different guys I've dated, body hair on women- be it nipples, toe, finger, upper lip is flippin' unacceptable! I'm irish, so I have a peach fuzz situation going on and have been repeatedly asked by above guys to "do something about" the light smattering of pale hairs on my upper lip or other areas.

Several of them also thought it would be cute to regale me with stories about how other girls' body hair had turned them off in the past (Like, OMG, she had nipple hairs, I broke up with her the next day!)

One of the above also told me that he would dump me if I gained 10 pounds. (I was 5"5, 115lbs at the time) this was after dating for a YEAR.

and on and on...

Having married a European man and gotten to know lots of european men as friends through him, I've got to say, that is the way to go. So many men I've dated in several different areas of the US all had the same standards for their girlfriends, essentially expecting perfection. Their ideal woman likes all of the same books, music, movies, food that they do, cooks, cleans, stays uber thin, fit and sexy.

The british, italian, french and irish guys that we've become friends with since we moved abroad are the opposite- no nit-picking minutiae. You're a vegetarian and I'm not? Who cares! You love rock and roll and I'm a Beethoven fan? Who cares! Any of the men I have met over here would never remark on a womans body hair, age or weight...you respect the person as they are.

Deal breaker: When a guy calls a girl a slut, especially if the girl in question is me. In my early college years, I had a passionate, yet fraught relationship with a boy with whom I shared a strong emotional connection, but no real interests or hobbies. I warred it out with him until the night he drunkenly called me a slut, and I said, "no you didn't." That was that! I love my hubby (although he is a bruiser), but I sometimes catch him saying something (never some one) looks slutty, e.g. a sequined dress, a patent leather boot. I raise an eyebrow and he corrects himself post-haste... "I meant trashy!"

I haven't dated in a long time - we just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago - but I can tell you two things I wouldn't be able to handle: 1. guys who are full of themselves2. guys who'd make me feel bad about myself

I hate these. All are from first date experience. Some men were double offenders1.guys don't tip, unless it is horrible service.2.Talk on their cell phone too much.3.Shell necklaces.4.State they are only interested in a sexual relationship...?really?5.One guy was secretly doing coke in the BR and then offered some to my friend.(We were at a concert I left, he walked me home and then I went back to the show :).6. Talks about the 'ex' a lot.7. Mention future plans that may include you and the state "If you play your cards right"

Ack! Too funny about the mustache comment. I've been shaving my peach fuzz daily for years (like a dude) too. It's blonde, but I'm not taking any chances.

As for deal breakers, I'm married now but definitely agree with a lot of the above generally-not-a-good person ones (mean, disrespectful, etc.). One of my most memorable deal breakers is from a guy I dated who I was kind of on the fence about anyway. He was really sweet, but the chemistry wasn't 100% there. At one point he told me he had 2 paintings of dogs above his bed that his mom had painted. He said that he would always have these above his bed no matter where he lived in the future. I was thinking that dog paintings probably wouldn't be my first choice, but it was kind of sweet that he was so sentimental about something his mom had painted for him. That was until I saw them. They weren't just dog paintings, they were really ugly puppy paintings that had obviously been done for a child's room in the 1970s (very cartoonish). I'm pretty sure they were paint by number (remember those?). Things weren't clicking with us anyway, but I'm pretty sure that was the beginning of the end. My friends now refer to him as The Puppy Painting Guy. I'm happy to say he found someone who could deal with the puppy paintings and is now happily married, which only goes to show that the more superficial deal breakers go out the window when you're in love.

I met up this guy twice for a walk and a bbq and then told him that if he wants to see me again he should take me on a real date. He asked what that meant! Pffff... I told him if I have to explain to a thirty-one-year old what a real first date is I don't think I want to do this. We did. It was terrible. We're done.

Non readers - definitely a turn off.

What else...

Men who brag about money. There's probably more, but can't think of any now.

Major deal-breaker: Back when I lived in NYC I was on a second date with a guy I had worked with briefly. Before dinner we were talking about my starting to eat meat again after 15+ years as a vegetarian. I said, the only meat I could never ever eat would be veal. What did he order for dinner? Veal osso buco. And then he proceeded to scrape the marrow out of the bones telling me it was his favorite part. Needless to say, this was our last date.

Alas, I have a slight mustache as all. You can barely see it, but I know it's there. I have shaved it, and in fact, I still do. I tried Nair but it has the same exact effect; plus you have to wait for it to grow in a bit before you can use the smelly stuff. Better just to shave.

My most recent deal breaker was the guy who asked me what I wanted to drink and when I said a glass of red wine please, said, "that's so bourgeois" (that was strike one - we had just met so I thought maaaaybe he was deadpan joking. Unfortunately he wasn't.)

Next date: he agrees to order a bottle of wine, then when I offer to pay half scolds me in front of the bar staff shouting, "you just have to make a feminist statement don't you", finishing his rant with "End of discussion."

dating deal breaker? Probably when the guy actively does not care about the things you are most invested in...Not just your little hobbies and interests, but career plans, and the things you spend the most time pursuing.

I keep an actual list of my deal breakers and red flags. I check in with my list often because I find that the fantasy of early love can cloud my judgement and make me forget the lessons I've already learned.

My deal breakers include: "Doesn't think it's bad when his friends cheat on their girlfriends" to "Wears diamond earrings." LOL Live and learn.

I am happily married now with a sweet baby boy, but before I met my hubs--I had so many horrible dating experiences that I started to write a book about it (or a dating journal at least).

Worst was a teacher that I met. We met up at a restaurant at 6 and he told me he'd only pay for an appetizer on first date (ok, fine). Then he told me he first wanted to ask out my friend, but learned she had a boyfriend, then my other friend, but when we walked up he realized she was too heavy. So he asked me out instead.

Then, he told me that he fantasied about one of his students and needs to wait until she is 18 and out of HS to ask her out--what?!

Then, he told me he fantasied about his friend's wife, but that couldn't ever happen. What? What?!

Weirdo! I was so creeped out. First time I have ever just left in the middle of a date and didn't even tell him. I just left.

I once went on a date with a guy who was incredibly good-looking and charming, but halfway through the evening he started spewing all this anti-immigrant crap. I pointed out that as a foreigner in his country, I was technically an immigrant too. At which point he said I was OK, because I brought "added value" - read, I am white.

The guy later sent me an incoherent e-mail saying he wanted to kill himself. When I questioned him about it, he said he routinely sends e-mails in his sleep and has no memory of them when he wakes up. Needless to say, there was no second date.