Fairytale News | My bullying story.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

This is a 'new' feature I came up with. I will be talking about everything that has to do with reading. From pretty new covers to discussions about books. I will post them randomly.
This is a serious matter I want to talk about today. I sometimes look at my Google Stats to see the words people use to find my blog. I was shocked when I found this one between normal looking search words: “bullied by everyone in my life want to die” It makes me sad that someone has to Google for this and mad how little attention there is for bullying. This is something that should be addressed more in the media, because it's not a topic you can push away like it doesn't matter.

Whoever searched for this, let me tell you one thing: YOU MATTER. You are important. You are special, unique and wonderful. I have been bullied and I know how hard it is. I know how it feels like to look in the mirror and feel worthless and ugly. I know what it is to think you are never good enough and to feel that you don’t belong. I have talked about this before in the letter to younger Mel and when bullying isn’t bullying but here is the whole story. This is a bit scary for me to post, but I hope I can help someone with it.
I’ve always been shy and quiet. I guess that’s how they decided I was the weakest and they were probably right. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be liked and most of all, I wanted to be part of something – so I let it happen to me without complaining. They were my ‘friends,’ but how miserable and alone they made me feel.. I’m not even sure how I can describe the way they bullied me. It was very subtle. It was a certain feeling they gave me with their challenging, pushing and words. It got into my head. I snapped when one of them tried to push me down the stairs for 'fun.' I told my mother, who knew something was going on, and it stopped. I always found comfort in my books and it helped me to shut out the world, but when they left me alone I felt I could be myself again.

I grew up and went to secondary school. I became aware of my own strength. Sure, I wore my scars. I was even shyer and now I also had to deal with a big amount of insecurity. The feeling of wanting to be liked by everyone was even worse, but I met a couple of nice girls. The guys is another story though. There was one who teased me endlessly and he would call me the most horrible things. I was ugly, I was fat, I would never find a boyfriend. I never let him get to me and I always stood there, facing him and acting like it didn’t matter, but boy.. it did. It's the time where you are starting to get aware of yourself and boys, so it hurt. I started to believe I was hideous.

The first time I finally started to change my view that I AM beautiful and I AM special was when I met my boyfriend. Our secondary school counts 6 years for the highest education level and I was in my fourth year when I became friends with him. Around that time I was gaining some confidence and he completed it when he told me he liked me. The way he looks at me tells me every day how much I matter and how wonderful I am. I am still shy. I am still insecure. I still have this need to be liked. I still have days where I have zero confidence and where I hate the way I look. That is never going to change, but like hell this is going to effect my life. I deal with it, because Pooh says it best:

Dear person who found my blog through those search words, I am here for you. You are not alone in this. I know that you must feel like you are completely alone, but bullying is unfortunately something that happens all the time. It’s not you, it’s those sad people who have to tear down others in order to feel good. Please, don’t let them get to you. I know it’s hard, but you can do this. We are all amazing human beings and one day, you are going to mean the world to someone. I got through this with the help of my amazing family and boyfriend. If you ever need to talk to someone, contact me or find help elsewhere, because you are important to me even if I don’t know you.

I totally teared up at this post. Just today, I was given a volunteer assignment to create an audio book for this book called bystander. And reading your post with the story still fresh in my mind, I found it connected so deeply.

I'm not the shy type at all. I'm loud, kind of obnoxious and most find me rude because of it. And that's not the picture some people paint as the victim but I feel like underneath that exterior, I really am shy and quiet and vying for acceptance.

Its so brave of you to write this [and especially to that one person.] And I hope, whoever they are, they'll read this and felt the way I did because I'm blown away by this post. Honestly.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with bullying, but it's wonderful that you're now feeling more confident about yourself and that people are treating you a lot better. I think to some extent, everyone feels doubt about themselves, but it's even worse when someone actually tells you you shouldn't be confident about yourself. I'm so glad you took the time to write this.

I loved how you decided to do something about what you found. It is indeed so important to speak up and do something about it. I have to agree with everything you said. I don't think anyone out there is a stranger to wanting to be liked and fit in. It is a terrible feeling. I'm not shy at all, but I still let that get to me at some point. Thankfully, I realized I was surrounding myself with the wrong kind of people. It is so important to pay attention to this sort of things. They can easily be corrected too if someone took the time to address the bully in the right manner.

Wonderful post Mel! This is beautiful. It bolsters my faith in humanity actually that you are reaching out like this to someone who needs it. I hope they find comfort and strength like you did, and they realize that what these bullies say does not define them and it's not who they are. Thank you for sharing your story.

Such a wonderful and beautiful post Mel!I used to be a victim of bullying myself when I was younger,since I was an introvert then who kept to myself and my books.But I guess it grew on me.I became stronger afterwards,and I think it has played a huge part in my maturity and strength now.But I know that not a lot of people have that courage.Love you for writing this post,Mel!I wish a lot of people will be inspired by this.I think I'd like to write a post about this too.

What a touching posts and I really hope that person who googled that will read this!

I agree completely with you and I have been bullied when I was younger as well, just like you I was shy and I had a terrible case of pimples, earning me the nickname of pimple head. It takes a long time to get over it and meeting my boyfriend really helped a lot. It's so nice to hear that you do matter. And even now I can have these moments of self doubt or when I feel worthless. I think that things like that are something you'll keep carrying with you for the rest of your life.

It makes me sad to realize how many people get bullied and I hope you help some of them with this post, because knowing you're not alone can really help. Great post Mel!

Mel - I can't imagine how much courage it must have took to write this post. On behalf of everyone who reads it, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for taking the time to share this. This is one of those times where I wish I could travel back in time and share this with my teenage self. SO many great reminders and tips about standing up for yourself and about realizing that you're never alone.

Oh Mel, if it counts, I think you're really pretty! I mean, I envy your looks. :P And I'm so glad you were able to push past it all. I'm still in high school, and you know how damaging that is to self-esteem. *sighs* But still, I love reading other people's stories like this because it makes me feel like I'm not the only one, and it's so comforting knowing that.

Huuuuugs. <3 I just wanted to say that I adore you. You are the best, Mel :) And this post is all kinds of amazing. <3 Thank you for sharing sweetie. I was also bullied a whole lot, which is the worst. Sad face. But I'm so glad it got better for you; that you found such a sweet boyfriend. <3 You deserve all the happiness :)

I sometimes look through Google Stats too, but I can't say I've had search phrases like that pop up. More like 'spoilers' and 'mbti results.' It's a very thoughtful thing for you too look through those annals and then write a post about this. Also brave.

"I’m not even sure how I can describe the way they bullied me. It was very subtle. It was a certain feeling they gave me with their challenging, pushing and words. It got into my head." -- I can identify with this so much. Not my friends, but one of my brothers. Sometimes it feels like I can still hear his voice whenever I'm experiencing self-doubt.

"I snapped when one of them tried to push me down the stairs for 'fun.' I told my mother, who knew something was going on, and it stopped." -- Jesus! You could've broken your neck. What ------s.

"There was one who teased me endlessly and he would call me the most horrible things. I was ugly, I was fat, I would never find a boyfriend. I never let him get to me and I always stood there, facing him and acting like it didn’t matter, but boy.. it did." -- My brother.

"That is never going to change, but like hell this is going to effect my life. I deal with it, because Pooh says it best" -- Mel, you are amazing. And sweet. And brave. And a wonderful, wonderful person who I am so glad to call my friend <3.

It's so brave and good of you to share this Mel! I'm not sure anybody goes through life without being bullied at least to some degree but I know some have it WAY worse than others. I went through a really awkward phase growing up and was bullied endlessly. But by High School I grew out of my awkward phase and found a support group of friends. It wasn't that nobody said anything negative about me anymore but they weren't the only voices I heard and they didn't matter so much anymore. I still have insecurities and I internalize a lot of criticism so I understand what you mean when you talk about your bad days. Now I see my niece going through it - kids can be so mean - and I keep telling her not to listen to them, they don't matter and before she know it she will be able to leave it all behind and go to college and be whoever she wants to be. But sometimes its so hard for kids to see past grade school and that is so sad.

Mel, it's almost spooky how in line your story is with mine. VERY similar situations and unfortunately, I know we aren't the only ones. You are amazingly brave for posting this and I know it meant a lot to me, so I'm sure it will mean a lot to tons of other people too <3

I hope whoever typed that search has found some help. I don't know if social media, and the internet in general, is a blessing or a curse for bullied adolescents. Yes, they have access to resources that they wouldn't have had in the pre-internet days (which is when old people like me grew up :) ), but social media also makes it so much easier for them to get bullied in the first place.

Wonderful post, Mel. So many of us have been in that position. Some of the scars we may carry forever - at 52, I still struggle with my feelings about my appearance (maybe more so because of the ways in which society views older women.) On the other hand, in many ways I am so much stronger and more confident than I was when I was in school. If we can find people who affirm us, and if we can find the courage to love ourselves and to pursue the things we love, it's amazing how strong we can become!

And by the way - I've seen your photo, and much more importantly, I've read this essay. Let me tell you, you ARE a beautiful person, inside and out. Please remember that, any time you find yourself feeling bad about yourself, or feeling insecure. You are special, too.

One of my best friends was bullied by her friends in middle school. I didn't find out until the end of 8th grade, and I couldn't believe she hadn't told me, and until that point I had always though of bullies as more like the guy you described - people who weren't your friends who actively are hateful. I couldn't believe that her friends - not just her friends, but her best friends (other than me) were being this hateful. And she remains friends with them (admittedly one of the girls ended up being really nice when she was separated from the other girl and we're friends as well now too), which just...I couldn't imagine it. I was so glad when I found out though because it meant I could be there for her and try and block her from some of what they did. Having friends bully you is just...it's a whole new level of horrifying to me. It's worse somehow.

It's so brave of you to speak up, because I know from experience how terrifying talking about stuff like this can be. (I had a stalker and a harasser a while ago and...well, I get what it can feel like to talk about it). I can't even imagine how hard it is for something that happened over a long time. I'm so glad that you've come out of it (and with a charming boy to boot!).

P.s. Holy cow are you gorgeous! Like for reals. Just in case you needed reminding. And it's awesome from what I've seen here that you've got the personality to match :)

Awww, and this is why Pooh is my childhood hero. <3But honestly Mel, thank you for writing this beautiful and heartful post! I just don't know why people need to bully others or even want to bully others. Is feeling powerful REALLY worth knowing that you caused someone so much pain, painful enough that they are thinking of taking drastic measures? The whole "I was bullied once so why not bully other people" logic also doesn't make sense. They know how much it hurts, so why spread it around?