Not for the first time in my life I’ve been thinking about food. And wine.

Or rather, the lack of it.

Sadly, I’m on a diet. There’s no evidence of it in North Yorkshire but I have to assume that summer is coming. Which will mean the annual squabble between the waistband of my shorts and a winter’s over-indulgence.

Center Parcs. 1996. Tom was two: our eldest, and everything was new. Worry? Of course we worried. Hadn’t we found him biting a biscuit tin at the weekend? And some paint had gone in his mouth. Why hadn’t they invented Google yet? Metal poisoning and brain damage from a biscuit tin: a blindingly obvious search term. [Read more…]

“No!” I cried. You can’t do this to me! You can’t treat me this way. Not after all I’ve done for you!”

It didn’t make a jot of difference. The dog carried on rolling in… stuff. Choose your own word. Four letters will do.

Certain things in life can be relied on. Night follows day. Spring finally arrives every year. So far those two seem to be working out. But want something you really can rely on? Something that will last for all eternity and well beyond?

“Mum, Dad,” my youngest son says as he polishes off a large mouthful of bacon sandwich, “This would be a good time to ask you for something wouldn’t it?”

We’re back home. 9:30 at night. And we’re celebrating. Victory for Ben and his team in the public speaking competition. Jane and I are basking in the warm glow of our child’s achievement.

So yes, of course it would. Why is it that my other two children never mastered this? Surely knowing when to ask your parents for something is the sort of basic life skill that schools should teach in PHSE – or whatever common sense and sex is called this week? [Read more…]

It’s Valentine’s Day. 8am. Walking the dog on the beach. And here I am striding along in just a sweatshirt, coat left resolutely in the car.

So it must be Spring.

A point I made to my wife. When she eventually woke up of course.

“When do we start planting things?” I said.

I’ll spare you her reply. But yes, you read it right. No longer will I just wander into the garden to see what’s ripe enough to eat. No longer will I see it as somewhere to sit with a beer; somewhere to close my eyes and do some ‘creative thinking…’ [Read more…]

We sat nervously on the settee. Ben perched by the window. A girl? Did he want to bring a girl home at the weekend? “How would you feel…” he said. If I brought a girl home at the weekend. If I said I didn’t want to go into the sixth form. If I… [Read more…]

When do good things happen? When you take risks. When you step outside your comfort zone.

Name one activity so far outside my comfort zone as to be virtually invisible. Ballroom dancing.

Name one activity that my wife would really, really like to do. Something that we could do together. Yep, ballroom dancing.

Every time a new series of Strictly starts she gets twitchy. I see the longing in her eyes. Of course, it could be longing for a man with a six pack and pecs that have been chiselled from mahogany, but I prefer to see it slightly differently… [Read more…]

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Latest Reviews

I read this on my kindle on holiday and even though I do not have children of my own, this book really made me laugh. I suppose it won't be so funny when it is me seeing it from Mark's point of view. However, it made me laugh out loud as I was able to picture the scenarios which were very well written. Two particular scenes, in fact three scenes seriously had my wiping away tears from laughing so hard, but I won't spoil them for new readers. I hope you enjoy as much as I did!

Emma Clapperton

"If you are an exhausted dad (or mum) and want to see the funny side of dealing with children, I can recommend this book."