Friday, December 25, 2009

Chocolate Fondue and Testicles (no, I am not making this up)

**Disclaimer: if you are offended by the title of this post, then you probably shouldn't read any further. If you have been diagnosed with a medical condition such as glaucoma, high blood pressure, heart disease, or emphysema, then you should proceed reading with caution.**

Ryan and I have decided that Lauren and Brenna are both "too young" and "too old" to be watching the movie My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding. This realization came to us when our daughters started talking about testicles during our traditional Christmas Eve chocolate fondue dinner. The conversation went something like this...

Lauren (or Brenna, it's hard to remember) asked, "What are testicles?" Being the serious health professional that I am, replied, "You know, they're those ball things that boys have." (to which Ryan rolled his eyes and muttered, "Unbelievable.") I shot back at him a grin that said, "Well then, you give it a try." To which he replied with a look that said, "Fine, maybe I will." At which point Brenna interrupted our non-verbal conversation with, "Lauren told me that they're in your knees!" To which Lauren exclaimed, "I did not!". "Oh, yeah," Brenna retracted, "You said that testicles were the things that hold your pelvis together - but that's your kidneys, right Mom?" "What?! No." I said (trying not to laugh, but laughing anyways). Then Lauren replied, "Well, how am I supposed to know?" and then asked, "What's a pelvis?" (to which no one replied).

Ryan, trying to get back to the original question said, in a calm manner, "Have you guys ever seen animals around town like goats, dogs..." Just then, Lauren interrupted enthusiastically, "and chickens!!". At which point I exclaimed, "What?!? No, not chickens!" At which point Ryan and I start laugh uncontrollably, and I think I started crying.

Just then, Brenna stood up, put one finger in the air, and with a look on her face like a lightbulb had just turned on in her head stated, "I've seen a cow with six testicles!!" At this point we all started laughing hysterically, and continued to do so for several minutes. This was until the laughter slowly died down, one of us gave the "post laughter sigh", and Ryan and I looked at each other as if to say, "What made us think that we were qualified to raise children?".

Don't worry, Addie missed out on this conversation because she had already overdosed on chocolate and "pencils" (pretzels - turns out she loves them and can't remember ever having them before), and was dancing around the table doing her impersonation of Maria from The Sound of Music (a much more appropriate movie for children).

Also, just to let you know.... when we finished eating we let the girls open one Christmas present. When they were done I told them it was time to go upstairs and go to bed. Brenna, quite surprised at this, even though it was already after 8:30pm, said, "But we didn't have a proper dinner!" At which point Ryan and I started laughing again, both at all of the "improper" things that had been said around the table, and at the fact that our 8 year old was complaining about having to eat fruit, cheese, chips, sausages, and chocolate for dinner on Christmas Eve! Oh, well... I guess that's what we get for raising our children at a British residential school.

OH MY WORD, I am crying I'm laughing so hard right now. I was able to imagine it actually happening as I read it! That was AWESOME! We've had some of those conversations around our table as well....PRICELESS

This is quite possibly the funniest story I have read in a long time! Thanks for being my family - I am convinced by your example that all of us parents will be sitting around a table eating fondue when we are 80, and completely forgetting what testicles are . . . in fact I'm sure half of us won't even hear what the conversation is! Loved this story! Love you guys!

Thanks for all of your comments - it was a funny night! Just as a follow up: a few nights ago I was telling Ryan about some of the comments from the blog. Lauren asked if the comments were about the fondue and testicles story, and Brenna said, "What are testicles?" UNBELIEVABLE!

Heather - no, we won't be finding out, and it's against the law in India for doctors to disclose the gender of an unborn baby. We'll just have to wait until April.