Updating impsTALK - a site held together with sticky tape - is a chore, hence it isn't updated that regularly. However, the site lives on in the crazy world of social media - so for more regular updates you can find us @impsTALK (Twitter, yeah) or 'like' us on Facebook. We'll never be as popular as Scott Dalton, but we say 'fuck' more than he does. Please be our friend. Please. Please. Please. We're begging you. Pleeeeeease?

BOSTON UNITED SEASON BACK ON TRACK AFTER SECOND SHIT DEFEAT AWAY AT A CLUB WHO PLAY IN A GARDEN SHED-FANS REJOICE AS BRIEF RUN OF GOOD FORM COMES TO AN END-
SUPPORTERS HAD ENDURED TWO WEEKS WITHOUT CAUSE TO MOAN LIKE MISERABLE BASTARDS - THEIR LONGEST DROUGHT SINCE TOMMY TAYLOR

27 Aug 2012

After two games, and two wins, Boston United fans across the globe were concerned that their God-given right to whinge and moan at how terrible everything is was under threat.

But after two defeats on the trot, the crisis is finally over over: United are still crap, and the opportunity to boo Marc Newsham while moaning about ticket prices during next week's match against Workington will surely have miserable United fans flocking back to York Street on Saturday.... READ MORE >>

2011/2012: One Step Forward, Six Steps Back

A year ago, when Boston United and Guiseley played out that ridiculously entertaining, thrilling, topsy-turvy play-off battle which ended in an unfortunate penalty defeat for the Pilgrims, there was an overriding sense, amidst the disappointment, of a failed promotion campaign; that the game marked an end of an era and that a period of transition lay just around the corner.

The managers had fled to Grimsby in controversial circumstances and fans gathered at York Street that day knew that players were likely to follow them. Many looked forward to 2011/2012 with a sense of trepidation and apprehension, knowing that a full tilt at the play-offs – let alone the title – was going to be a massive ask of a club with two rookies at the helm and a bunch of new and returning players in the squad.

But many had hoped that the club, which has made remarkable progress on and off the pitch since that dark day Wrexham, would overcome these considerable obstacles and continue its revival under the chairmanship of David Newton and Neil Kempster.

Did Boston United manage to defy miserably low expectations, silence the critics and pull off an unlikely Hollywood success story?

Er. No.

No, not even close.

In fact, the season ended up being far worse than anyone had realistically anticipated. The Pilgrims started slowly, churned through players, lost more games, got dumped out the cups, lost even more games, won a couple, and then ended up winning one of the last nine.

By any measure, it was crap. But, crucially, it wasn’t a disaster. It wasn’t a catastrophe. Despite the howls of derision from some quarters about the club’s ‘ambition’, Newton’s hand remained firm on the tiller, steering the club towards a more stable future. Nevertheless, it says a lot about the season that United’s greatest success arrived in the unlikely setting of the courts – not a venue where they have enjoyed much success over the years.

So, here to pick over the bones of a very disappointing few months is our usual part-time analyst Duncan Browne, who dropped what he was doing for his irregular pamphlet, the Boston Standard, and typed out some words for a proper publication….

The scourge of the Boston United terraces since the mid 1940s, Farmer Dan The Boston Fan shows absolutely no sign of dying any time soon, much to the horror of those who are forced to stand next to him as the Pilgrims grind out a gritty 0-0 draw at home to Shepshed Dynamo. But for those unable or, more likely, unwilling to make the trip to York Street, you can now follow Dan's incessant moaning live on popular social networking site Twitter. Follow him now! Now! NOW! Or don't.

After last week's unexpected win at Workington, United's season has turned into the absolute pile of cockshit everyone said it was going to be after today's diabolical defeat at the hands of a team named after a car factory.

At last! Boston fans were starting to worry that the Pilgrims were going to confound expectations and actually be a decent side in 2011/2012, a situation that would have given them absolutely nothing to moan - or spit - about. A quite terrifying thought, but one that has been dodged. Phew!

It's not the first time United have been beaten by Vauxhall, of course, but today's loss will arm the Farmer Dan types with even more excuses to loudly proclaim that they're not going to bother going again, until they decide to bother going again. At the next home match.

Pheeeeeeeeew! Well that was lucky, wasn't it? How did Holsgrove get that winner? Do we really care? Ahead of the home opener with Histon (Rough Guide to follow), impsTALK reports back from Boston's fortuitous, but very welcome, victory at Workington.... MORE

Not that you'd be able to tell from our laughable 'fixtures' page, but Boston United get the new Conference North season underway on August 13th with a gigantic cross-country journey to Workington AFC.

Nasty. Yet, for the purposes of fulfilling our obligations, quite necessary. This season, we're doing the Rough Guides in fixture list order, so Workington's 'guide' is now available HERE. Histon will be next in, er, two weeks. Obviously, having posted the first significant(ish) new update in about two years, impsTALK is now having a well-earned rest. See yer.

The Fixtures Are Out!
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Incredibly, it seems Boston United will be playing all their opponents twice this season

Well, well, well. So here we are. The fixtures are out. Rushden are buggered. Cesc Fabregas is about to move to Barcelona. Again. And, to the excitement of people who really should be sunning themselves somewhere in the southern hemisphere, our beloved Pilgrims are on the cusp of yet another pre-season campaign.

Next week, all three of United's players begin their quest for Conference North glory at Arnold Town in a friendly that has 'glamour crowd puller' written all over it. The rest of the United team? Well, you'll find the rest in Grimsby as Rob Scott and Paul Hurst continue their project to return the Mariners to the Football League by assembling a squad that can't beat Guiseley while pissing David Newton off in the process. Never a good move. He'll get Neil on you.

It's safe to say that expectations around York Street are a little more subdued this summer, but look on the plus side: Suuuaaaarez is back. And if that's not enough to get you literally foaming in the mouth in a frenzy of anticipation, so too are the impsTALK Rough Guides!

Yep, after two years, or maybe eight, of abject dormancy, your indispensable guide to the clubs of the Conference North cobbled together using lazy Wikipedia research and anecdotes gathered off a bloke in the pub will be returning to these pages. You can expect the first, on our favourite town of Workington, on the site by this weekend. And the next, judging from impsTALK's recent update policy, will be published in 2014.

Until then, stay safe. Look after one another. And try not be too downhearted that we've got no players. At least we're not Kettering. What the fuck is that all about?

Well, thanks a lot, Grimsby. Thank you very much. Not content with fouling up your own hopes of automatic promotion through sheer lack of competence, you've decided to sabotage the season of a cute, cuddly little part-time outfit down the road which, apart from systemic financial dishonesty spanning several seasons between 1998 and 2007, had done very little to deserve it. Lovely. Thanks.....READ MORE