To The Corner

As she dragged her feet to the corner of the spacious moderately furnished living room, she let out a heavy sigh and tried to remember a time when things had been different.

She couldn’t. Not really.

She sank to her knees.

I remember the first day I met him. I had gone for counseling and prayers on a Monday. I didn’t go to meet him specifically but he was on duty and was free so he was assigned to me. I poured out my heart to him, telling him about my past, and how i had lived a wayward life as a runs girl. I told him how the guilt was eating me up and how i was sure that i was being punished because i was approaching 30 and no one wanted to marry me. I wept like a baby in his office that day. He held my hand and prayed with me.

That Sunday in church, he walked up to me after the service and said, “God told me that you are my wife.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at first. He’s of average height, plain looking and a little bit fair in complexion. And i felt absolute nothing for him. I’d been in love before and i knew how i was supposed to feel.

But he was a pastor so that meant he was a good man. Plus i wasn’t getting any younger; my 30th birthday was in a few months. Age was catching up with me and it had begun to show on my face and formerly taut body.

I don’t deserve such a man, i remember thinking, I should be honoured.

Besides, he had said that God told him.

My mother was elated. “Thank God, you’ve finally found someone that will marry you. And a pastor for that matter. Your story will be like that of Hosea in the bible.” So it was settled.

She raised her hands and closed her eyes.

I remember the first time he asked me to go to the corner. At first i thought he was joking. I laughed it off and continued taking off my clothes. We had just come back from a fund raising dinner for the new church building. On our way upstairs, he had accused me of laughing too loudly at the event when Pastor Matthews cracked a joke. That it was not befitting of a pastor’s wife. I said i didn’t know what he was talking about. He said he would show me.

I looked at him. He wasn’t joking. I thought he was crazy and i told him as much.

I did not not see the slap coming. I cradled my face and looked up at him in surprise, “How dare you… thwack!

I received the beating of my life that night.

That was the first and last time he beat me.

But the punishments continued and i knew better than to question them. Most times i would kneel and raise my hands for about an hour but sometimes he would ask me to squat and fly my arms or pick pin. On one occasion when ‘i had behaved very badly’, he made me do the frog jump in our bedroom. My first child, Uloma, who was about 4years old then, walked into our bedroom and saw me. I stopped immediately and he sent me a look that made me resume.

Mummy what are you doing?

I could not reply, the tears just rolled down my face. My husband told her that we were playing a game.

But Daddy she’s crying.

I will never forget the look in her eyes that day.

It is all so humiliating. I feel so…so…Sometimes I wish he would beat me instead.

Perhaps this is my punishment? After all God said he should marry me, right?

This is why I strongly believe that accountability partners should be of the same sex, probably a mature sensible friend around your age (who won’t end up spilling the guts during a twitfight -___- ) . I see NO REASON why a girl should tell of “her past” to any male pastor. Na him wan marry her? :-/

Finally!!! My Dania has returned!!!! YATTA!!!! *dancing alanta n dougeing simultaneously*
Seriously tho…this is just SAD. N it’s even worse when you think about the fact that it actually happens. Where do I even wanna start from, is it d girls stupidity in marrying the pastor simply because “God told him”; or the pastor’s insane behaviour (imagine telling your wife to pick pin, or raise her hand, or do “aeroplane”…darris jus psychosis mehn, plain n simple); or the babe accepting that madness as her fate and keeping quiet about it. Plenty talking points in this one.
Lovely piece dear…n once again it’s good to have the Sad Dania back…*sips from a shilled can of Zobo Endorphins*

This should be a sad story but lololololol..is marriage nw secondary school.lol
Well I HATE that “God told me to marry you” line..I also hav a relationship with God.if it was true den he wud have told me and confirmed it abi?
Nice story dania.(Y)

@Qurr….I concur.
Madam Dania, u’ve done it again…u tackled a serious issue from the light side n it still hit home…2 ppl dt I hate: 1)ppl who use God’s name for their own ends, 2)fake men. Dude in dis story is 2 in 1…
Moral of the story? God is in all of us, u dnt need an interpreter to tell u his will for u…NO man has d right to humiliate u…no man.

Nobody is a messenger for God when it comes to marriage. If God doesn’t tell you Himself, then you use ya eye (forget mehn, physical attraction is very important), ya brain and ya heart to make ya decison by yaself and enta it shining ya eye very well. Shikena!

*sigh* what saddens me more is that I’ve heard worse. When your mother is a marriage counselor you hear all sorts of crazy ish .. Only advise is to surround yourself with ‘true and sensible friends’ and also hold on to your God cause some forms of bondage are beyond human abilities.

1st of all e no go better for that pastor and his generation… and den dis is why i fear all dis brothers…dey will form na me holy pass…d woman made a huge mistake by nt hearing from God too and i blame her mumc na she suppose do frog jump walahi…mschew *rubbing fictional womans head* …sori u hear? but u take style foolish small

@ Folushaw,I love ur style. No man talkless of someone who calls himself a man of God should do such ridiculous things. I also think it’s pathetic when people use that line, “God said…”. And even worse when it is actually believed. All in all,nice piece.

*now dancing around my laptop and sprinkling holy water on d screen periodically* I bind all spirits of mushiness from this blog, all forms of happiness should flee, all lovey dubey inspiration (including dat prof called jibs) shud henceforth stay faaaar away from Her Royal Sadness.

The real Dania is back *wipes tears*, this is one of the saddest things i’ve read in a while….thank you…:*

Pity that parents tend to like a potential in-law if he/she is a clergyman or church worker and won’t even dig deeper. Sadly with the way the world is now, many girls n guys wana marry “good” people who are rare to find. Stupid husband but can you really blame her for marrying a “pastor”?

Alotta BS these days is done under the guise of ‘religion’ esp in places lyk nigeria wer every1 feels the need 2 be affiliated with some religion or the other. So yes, I blame religion (more lyk the perversion of it) for this as well as ignorance on the part of the lady. Damn, she stupid as hell! “God told me ur my wife”??? That’s pickup line’s the WORST! Lol. Yh, go ‘kead n make an excuse 4 her that she ws deperate cz she ws gettin old. Ryt. May I remind u that sum of the worlds greatest women r unmarried. Yh they rich too which helps but they ddnt get rich by stayin IGNORANT. N trust me, they aint gon’ fall for that “God told me” crap! I AM NOT blaming the babe 4 this. She ws vulnerable quite alright (n typically her mumsi ddnt evn help matters) but the lesson here is- ladie, be informed. Knowledge is power! Oh, n u watched that ‘enough’ flick yet? Yh, that helps too smtyms. Lol. Neva let a man put u down! Know ur worth or he’d make u feel worthless!

I’m sorry but lmaooooo. WHAT! Hahahha. All I can say is that the man that could have ‘tried’ to do this to mewas probably aborted. Hian! I laffed out loud when I read this and then I was immediately filled with sorrow on her behalf.(Guess that’s what u were goin for abi? Mschewww)

I really didn’t see the humor when i was writing this piece because, believe it or not, I’ve heard of someone who actually gets punished by her husband.
After reading some of the comments though (which had me rolling with laughter), i re-read the piece and i saw why some people found it a bit funny.

I’m however glad that most of us pin pointed the serious talking points here. I’ll try and highlight them below:

1) The ‘God Said’ issue. I’m a firm believer in God so i’m not disputing that God does speak concerning marriage. However. If someone comes to you with that line, its only common sense for you to verify from God yourself. Don’t go marrying a serial killer because he said God said. Anyone can say that.
Also even if God does tell you that someone is your wife, it doesn’t mean you have to tell the person immediately. Unless he actually says “Go and tell her”, then you better shut your mouth and get in line. Do the work. Woo her. Capische?

2) The ‘Pastor’ issue. Yes he’s a pastor but he’s a man first. Don’t let your guard down and throw yourself at him because he’s a pastor. I’m not saying all pastors are bad but i’ve seen pastors rape before. Enough said.

3) The ‘Biological Clock’ issue. This one is annoying. I’m sure if Awele could go back she’d choose to stay single all her life than be where she’s at. Society has conditioned us to believe (especially ladies) that we have a particular ‘time’ we need to be married by and if we go past that we’re doomed. I don’t subscribe to that crap. Yes i have an age in mind when i want to get married but I’m not going to settle for just any one so that ‘my time doesn’t pass. A woman who’s about fifty got married in my church recently. He first marriage. Go figure.

5) The ‘Parents’ issue. Yes we should honour our parents but remember that at the end of the day, its only you and your spouse that will live in the house. Awele’s mother did not have to frog jump.

6) The ‘Self Worth’ issue. Obviously she had self esteem issues which weren’t dealt with properly and this was highly instrumental in her making a wrong decision. I’m not a shrink so i won’t give any 12 step program or anything. Just get help if you have such issues (from professional counselors). It messes you up in a whole lot of ways. And there are SO MANY young people with this issue.

Okay i’m done. This is kinda long (almost like a post within a post) and i know we don’t really like that but I’m not going to apologise for it because its my blog and i figure i can do whatever i want. Yes?

This is just booshit! I’m so pissed. This nigga shud make passionate love to a transformer! Basterd. I am of the opinion that each individual should remain responsible for their circumstances. She shoulda left of fought back. Simples. Ok I know its not that simple, but wtf?!

She got herself into this mess, she should get herself out. I just feel sorry for the child in the middles of this all. *takes deep breath*

Wow Ada… this is deep though. I know people in abusive relationships and I’d never for life of me understand why they stay. I mean I think it’s madness for someone to resign to the idea that they were created to be someone else’s punching bag or entertainment. This is really sad. Nice one babe.

Sad but it happens everyday in real life. though i havnt seen a man punish his wife. asin frog jump and shit. talk about twisted. But i see men beat their wives and i see women living under oppressive conditions b’cos of fear. whats worse in this case is that the child had to witness it. thats simply unacceptable. On the ‘God said’ issue, there re some u shud bliv and some u shud seek confirmation. use ur #6. As for the ‘biological clock’, i really dont blame gurls that mk marriage decisions based on their age. the society puts them in a position and most arent strong or enlightened enough to do what’s right for themselves

Yaaayyy,dania is bak!!!
Pretty much has been said n I believe if u ve not heard from God urself esp as regards marriage and ur finances. Dnt go jumpin d gun,God understands dt u need to hear from Him b4 takin such huge decisions n if u ask Him to speak to u in a way u wud understand,He wud be glad to. Its jst a pity dt a real lady has to go thru dis, I wud ve probably ve cut off his errrmmm while sleeping.

omigosh… i cant stop laughing. i know this is a serious situation but for some reason the part of her daughter watching her frog jump has me in stitches…. poor child. i cant figure out who will be more traumatised after that.

she is the only reason why she’s still trapped in that marriage, suffering such humiliation. and thats because she thinks she deserves what she’s getting becuase of what she did. and as long as she continues to think like that, she will forever subject herself to such cruel and unusual punishment. pun fully intended.

but my God, that man of God is a sadist sha. i like what you said in your comment and i agree. before he became a man of God, he was first and foremost a man. so for all of y’all who think your pastors can do no wrong… i suggest you have a re-think.

nice work miss dania. glad to have your usual writting style back. not that the other posts were not up to par or anything… i just didnt ‘feel’ them, especially that bare naked one. lol.

Does the “God told me” line still work? There’s this quote that i really like; it says: “The me that you see is the me that you helped me be” The lady is as complicit in the abusive relationship as the man (societal engineering and other factors considered). If she woke up one day and revolted, he would test her resolve; if she does it again the next day, he would cower like the lilly livered thing that he is. (Why am i so angry? U made up this story, right?)

oh my! How does she consider herself lucky? It aint God that told him to marry her and he isn’t punishing her. She is punishing herself and started this punishment when she got married for the wrong reasons and did not consult god to confirm his word to the pastor.. na wa.. God forbid madness..

I didn’t see anything funny in this post. The woman is being humiliated and it is no joke. At the end of the day most of the people she would talk to would say stuff like “stay for your children” or “you do not want to have a broken home”, the worst, “another woman would snatch him from you”. If you dpn’t believe me, then check lindaikeji.blogspot.com. That is the typical sort of advice given out. I can’t wait to be done with law school and have time to reach out to people.

WTH!
the annoying thing is that it really does happen and the victims feel they are reaping from seeds past sown. i call that bullshit!

sorry for the outburst, just came across your blog but violence against women gets to me like no man’s business and the worst is when ‘men of the frock’ have no respect for our women. makes me wanna wring a few necks.

I cnt figure out if the appropriate thing is to laugh or cry. Either ways,I’m still in shock! Kneel down ke?! The man needs a shrink most def…..
Dnt blame her for getting married to him. Besides ‘God said’,our soceity made her feel like her marital clock ws ticking so at tht point ‘anything goes’ for her.
Nice piece