7.

8.

abba's 1976 song money money money recognises that, in late capitalism, wealth cannot be acquired through work but by either a) mating with someone who is already wealthy (probably through inheritance) or b) through sheer luck. in this essay i will

12.

yo i hate honors college boys i just asked this guy “hey why aren’t koalas considered bears?” and he hits me with “they’re marsupials” shut up nerd the answer to the joke is “they don’t have the koalafications”

13.

in my most recent job interview my interviewer goes “so i saw something i wanted to talk to you about....” and paused for a long time and my stomach dropped and i really believed in that moment that she found my tweets about wanting to fuck the duolingo owl

18.

19.

10 yrs ago, I was in Flatbush Brooklyn near the train station. A man fell unconscious onto the subway tracks. I pulled that man out of the platform right before the Q train approached. We dated for 8 months until I found out he was dating my SoulCycle instructor. This isn't us. https://t.co/p2vnAogDhq