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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Doctor Who (9th Doctor), Episode 1: Rose

Netflix synopsis: Department store clerk Rose Tyler meets the mysterious Doctor when he rescues her from a squad of killer mannequins. She then faces a tough decision when the Doctor asks her to join him on his dangerous time travels.

I knew nothing of Doctor Who when I watched this episode the first time and at the time, I was all, "killer mannequins, wtf?" I actually thought the whole thing was fairly ridiculous and almost quit watching, but I'm so, SO glad I didn't. I'm excited to watch all of them (the new series) again now that I fully appreciate how much fun this show is. Honestly, the main reason I'm reviewing it is because we finished Series 5 a while ago and I just really, really wanted to watch it all over again. Also, I want Ashley to watch this show already. Heh.

I love the theme song. It's my ringtone.

SPACE! The final frontier. Wait, wrong show. Anyway. The episode opens with an alarm buzzing and a young, blonde woman rushing out of bed. I'm going to tell you right now that her name is Rose. Just like the episode!

Rose kisses her mum (that's british for mom) goodbye and goes to work at a store called Henrik's. Retail. Ugh. She plays kissy face with her boyfriend at lunchtime but has to go back to work. The store closes (FINALLY), but as Rose is leaving, she's handed a bag that she has to take downstairs (to the...basement?) to someone named Wilson.

He's not there, though, and Rose hears a strange noise. She has apparently never seen a horror movie before, so she goes to investigate. That's not really fair, though, because she just thinks someone is messing with her. I would probably do the same thing. And then I would get axe murdered.

Rose turns on a light and we see she's in a room filled with mannequins. They're creepy. Shit gets even creepier when the door slams and Rose is locked in with the mannequins. This would normally be OK, they're just mannequins, but this is Doctor Who, where things are never normal. She walks past a mannequin and it slooooowly turns to look at her, but she doesn't notice. She DOES notice when the mannequin and his friends start walking toward her. She's still hoping someone is pranking her but you can tell she doesn't really believe it. The mannequins back her into a corner but WAIT! A man grabs her hand, tells her to run, and pulls her to safety. Whew.

Come with me if you want to live.

They run down the hall and the mannequins chase them. In the process of getting on an elevator, the man pulls a mannequin's arm off. Rose asks him what's going on. He doesn't really explain...anything, which we'll find out later is sort of his thing, but tells her Wilson is dead. NOOOOOOOOO! WILSON!

The man rushes off the elevator, using his sonic screwdriver (we don't know that's what it is yet, but I don't know what else to call it) to do something to the controls. Rose follows. He tells her the mannequins are made of living plastic and are being controlled by a device somewhere, a device he's desperate to find. He rushes Rose out of the building and tells her not to tell anyone about this or she'll get them killed. He sends her on her way, mentioning that, oh yeah, he's the Doctor.

Do you think she'll get severance?

Rose does as told and runs away and then BOOM Henrik's explodes. That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!

Rose goes home and her mum (Jackie, btw) wanders around the flat, blabbing to someone on the phone about how her daughter almost died. The mannequin arm is just chilling in an armchair and looks pretty comfortable. Rose's boyfriend, Mickey (ugh), rushes in and asks what happened. Rose plays dumb, like she didn't get attacked by walking mannequins earlier. Jackie tells Rose that there's someone on the phone who wants to pay her for an interview. Rose is all, "awesome, let me see the phone!" and then hangs up on them. It's hilarious.

Mickey suggests they go to the pub because Rose must need a drink (truth), but really he just wants to watch some match. Mickey kind of sucks right now, but he'll get better, I promise. Rose sends him on his way and tells him to take the mannequin arm with him, which he throws in the dumpster on his way to the pub.

The next morning, Rose's alarm buzzes but she turns it off and stays in bed because her job blew up the day before. At breakfast, Jackie suggests a bunch of shitty jobs that Rose should apply for but Rose is not excited. Rose hears something at the cat flap, trying to get in. She thinks it's a stray cat. I worry that it's a mannequin arm. We're both wrong. It's just the Doctor. But I suppose he is kind of a stray, so Rose was a bit correct.

He's all, "what are you doing here?" and Rose is like, "um, I live here." She drags him inside because she obviously has questions about, you know, the killer mannequins. Jackie totally tries to hit on him but he's all, "ew, no." Too right.

The Doctor bumbles around the flat, poking through magazines and throwing playing cards all over, as Rose makes some coffee. She tries to ask him questions but he's definitely not paying attention. I think the Doctor has ADD. The Doctor hears a strange noise and asks if she has a cat but no, it's the mannequin arm and it starts strangling him and Rose just, like, doesn't pay attention until it attacks her face.

Hey, Rose, can I get A HAND over here? Get it? (I'm sorry.)

Jackie, meanwhile, is oblivious. STANDARD. The Doctor gets the hand off of Rose's face and makes it all harmless, using his sonic screwdriver. He leaves and Rose follows. EVEN MORE STANDARD.

Rose says she'll go to the police if he doesn't tell her what's going on. He says that the plastic things are after him, not her, but she got in the way the night before by, I don't know, being at work. How dare she. Rose buys it, I guess, and asks who's helping the Doctor stop the mannequins. No one, is his answer, because all humans do is eat chips and watch telly. True. Also, mmm, chips.

The Doctor says he needs to shut off whatever device is controlling the mannequins, because they're on Earth to overthrow the human race.

The Doctor grabs the mannequin arm and tells Rose to forget him and just go home. They go their separate ways. He gets in a blue police box and Rose hears a strange noise. She runs back to where she left the Doctor and the police box is gone. Wah wah.

Rose goes to Mickey's. He offers to make her coffee while she uses his computer. She starts typing stuff into a search engine, like "Doctor" and "Doctor living plastic," and comes up with nothing until she searches "Doctor blue box." That leads her to a website called Doctor Who, complete with a picture of said Doctor, run by someone named Clive.

Website courtesy of Geocities

Rose and Mickey go see this Clive. Mickey's worried that Clive is a crazy lunatic murderer because everyone knows that internet people are unhinged and probably axe murderers. He waits in the car while Rose goes into Clive's house. What a gentleman.

Clive is a family man who just happens to be a Doctor expert. He's got a whole shed full of Doctor stuff. He's got pictures of the Doctor at the Kennedy assassination, as well as a picture of him with a family that was supposed to be on the Titanic, but got off for unknown reasons. Ooooh, spoooooky. The Doctor is a legend, Clive says, woven throughout history. He shows up when there's trouble. Or he creates the trouble. It's a little of both, I think.

While Rose is getting educated, Mickey is hanging out in the car. A trashcan in front of the car starts moving toward him. Mickey, of course, gets out to investigate. Because, who knows, maybe there's a puppy stuck in that trashcan and hey...free puppy!

He opens the trashcan but there's nothing inside. He tries to walk away but his hands are stuck and, well, he gets sucked inside the trashcan. Like the trashcan ate him. The trashcan even burps. Awesome.

I don't even know.

Clive tells Rose that the Doctor is immortal, an alien from another world. Rose leaves and gets back in the car with Mickey, saying that Clive was crazy but I feel bad for Clive because he's actually right about everything. Mickey looks weird(er) because he's now made out of plastic. See:

I seriously can't tell the difference.

They go to a restaurant and Mickey's acting totally weird but Rose doesn't notice. He keeps asking her questions about the Doctor but Rose doesn't want to talk about him. Fake Mickey says he can help her, but she has to tell him where the Doctor is. Someone brings them champagne but Fake Mickey says they didn't order any. The champagne-giver tries again but Fake Mickey keeps sending it away. They finally look up and see it's the Doctor. He's so great, saving Rose and then bringing them some champagne.

The Doctor shakes up the champagne and shoots the cork right into Fake Mickey's forehead. Fake Mickey absorbs it into his head and then spits it out. Gross. He then turns his hand into a giant paddle thing and karate chops the table. Don't worry, though, because the Doctor straight up RIPS HIS HEAD OFF. The head keeps talking and the body gets up and continues to chop stuff. It's kind of like the Floating Head Doctor thing from Scrubs, only better.

Rose sets off the fire alarm to get everyone out of the restaurant and she and the Doctor run away. The blue police box is in the alley, and the Doctor tells her to get in. She's all, "we can't hide inside a wooden box," but finally runs in and then, when she sees what's inside, runs back out. I think she probably just pooed herself.

She runs all around the outside of blue box and then, as headless Fake Mickey's paddle hands burst into the alley, she runs back in. She definitely poos herself again because the blue box...it's bigger on the inside.

The Doctor is plugging wires into Fake Mickey's head, saying he can find the source of the signal with it.

Rose is having a bit of a freakout, meanwhile, asking if the blue box is alien (yes) and if the Doctor is an alien (yes). He explains that the box is called the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space). Rose starts to cry. The Doctor thinks it's culture shock but Rose is really just upset because, you know, her boyfriend was turned into plastic and his head got ripped off. The Doctor is unconcerned, as am I. I feel bad that Rose is upset, though. The Doctor throws some levers around and the TARDIS vroop-vroops away. The Doctor runs outside and they're suddenly in a different place.

The Doctor is getting pretty annoyed with Rose's questions. He's cranky because he's trying to save the world and no one even appreciates him. The Doctor is PMSing something fierce. Rose is all, "if you're an alien, how come you sound like you're from the North," and he's all testy like, "lots of planets have a North," and I love them both. Rose asks about the TARDIS and he cheers up, because he and the TARDIS have a very special relationship. They're a little too close, if you know what I'm saying.

Rose asks why The Nestene Consciousness (because, um, that's what is controlling the plastic) wants Earth and basically it's because we've destroyed the planet with toxins. Go, humans! Rose asks how they can stop it (it being The Nestene Consciousness) and the Doctor pulls out a vial of blue liquid, which he says is anti-plastic. Sure. They need to find the transmitter, which has to be something round and massive, slapdash in the middle of London. He says all of this standing in front of the London Eye. So yeah, that's the transmitter, right?

TURN. AROUND.

To the London Eye! They run holding hands, awwww. The Doctor says all the plastic in the world will soon come alive, so they're kind of under the gun. They go underground and yep, there it is. It's all red and glowy, so you know it's bad. They find a platform overlooking a big vat of what looks like lava, but is apparently The Nestene Consciousness. Whatever, I'm calling it lava.

Liquid hot MAG-MA.

Rose is all, "just throw in that anti-plastic and let's GTFO of here," but The Doctor says he doesn't want to kill it. So he stands over the thing and says he wants to talk to The Nestene Consciousness. The lava groans in response and I guess the Doctor can understand it.

Rose sees Mickey and runs down to free him, while the Doctor gets closer to the lava. The Doctor yells at it and tells it to leave but the lava doesn't want to. I don't know. I can only understand half of this conversation. The Doctor pleads with the lava to leave and two lackey mannequins come out and grab him. One of them finds the anti-plastic and THEY ARE PISSED. The Doctor insists he only brought it as a last resort but I don't think they much care.

They bring out the TARDIS and the Doctor gets all frantic. He yells about how he, "couldn't save your world, couldn't save any of them," in some big war that he fought in. The big war is The Time War, I'll just tell you, but if you want to learn more about it, either WAIT or go look it up on Wackopedia. I can't do all your work for you, OK?

Rose asks what's going on and the Doctor says the final invasion is starting. Rose, of course, is worried about her mom. She calls Jackie and finds out she's gone into town to do some shopping. Rose tells her to go home but Jackie hangs up instead because she wants to spend some moneys. The lava starts transmitting through the London Eye.

Clive and his family are at the same store as Jackie, and see that the mannequins are starting to move. Everyone thinks it's funny until they burst through the windows and start attacking people. OMG, even the little kid mannequins are moving and it's totally creepy.

Almost as creepy as the sound of children singing...

Clive is excited because he thinks he's being proven right, but he doesn't get to be happy for very long because one of the mannequins shoots him. Sad face.

The Doctor tells Rose and Mickey to get out as he struggles with the mannequin holding him. All looks lost and I'm pretty sure they're probably going to die. Is this season only one episode long?

The mannequins in town are attacking, like, everyone. Jackie is running and screaming and looks like she's going to get away, but then she's cornered by some bride mannequins.

Mickey wants to leave the Doctor but Rose has a plan, because Rose is awesome. She swings on a chain like Tarzan and kicks the mannequin holding the anti-plastic into the lava. The Doctor catches her as she swings back around and they run away. They run a lot on this show. Cardio is important and not only in zombie attacks. The transmission has stopped, luckily, and the mannequins start malfunctioning. Mickey, Rose, and the Doctor escape in the TARDIS.

They get out of the TARDIS and Mickey freaks out and falls down. SIGH. Rose calls her mom right away to make sure she's OK because she's a good daughter. The Doctor admits that Rose saved his life and invites Rose to come with him. He tells her the TARDIS goes anywhere in the universe but Mickey isn't invited. Good call.

Rose asks if it's always this dangerous and he says yes. She says she can't go, she has to find her mom and look after Mickey (aka "this stupid lump" which...yes). The Doctor is sad and Rose is unsure of her decision, probably because Mickey is holding onto her like a child and whimpering. GET IT TOGETHER, MICKEY. The TARDIS disappears and Rose looks sad. She leads Mickey away but wait! The TARDIS is reappearing! Hooray!

The Doctor pops out and says, "did I mention, it also travels in time?" Rose is all, "PEACE I'M OUT," to Mickey, and runs happily into the TARDIS...and adventure and stuff.

I just started rewatching the new series last night, and I had forgotten how hokey this first season was! Hahahaha! The Mickey the Mannequin! Seriously, though, it's still a good time and it gets better and better! I can't wait to read your recaps while I watch it!

I Tumblr-ed a quote from this recap: While Rose is getting educated, Mickey is hanging out in the car. A trashcan in front of the car starts moving toward him. Mickey, of course, gets out to investigate. Because, who knows, maybe there's a puppy stuck in that trashcan and hey...free puppy!