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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Planet Manola: Of Madames and Spinsters

Random news, commentary and photographs. Updated at least once every menstrual cycle, if not more frequently.

Have you ever been out on a date and felt exactly like this? Photo by Shveckle.

LOVE/HATE

A forum member at Talk Night Life posted a link to my Raleigh Runway Caper piece and inspired a little discussion, mainly about tourism. One member, however, expressed his opinion about Sex and the Beach:

that blog is pretty lame.

ohhhhh south beach, i love you i hate you i love you i hate you i blah blah blah

I realize this opinion was meant as negative criticism, but that second line is brilliant! Actually it made me laugh my ass off and I hope it gives my regular readers at least a good chuckle. Enjoy.

BARGAIN BLOW JOB BUS BUSTED!

Just when you thought Lincoln Road's Chabad bus synagogue-on-wheels was quaint, another bus comes along that gives whole new meaning to local culture, and by culture I don't mean the seat stains on the 25 cent South Beach local!

Nope, if you've seen that big-ass limo bus tooling around town, you've spotted a movable feast that would put Hemingway's debauchery to shame. According to The Herald, we now know for whom the bus blows:

Cops have charged Morteh with engaging in, directing others to and deriving support from prostitution, as well as operating a business without license.

Oh for pete's sake! What took so long for this cult of fellatio bus to arouse erections instead of suspicion?

In an unconfirmed report, one male tourist arrested for soliciting prostitution on the bus claimed he was confused by false advertising. "Me no speak English. Me thought it was Duck Tour! D-U-C-K. Duck like quack quack, yes?" [via 411]

SPINSTER BASHING

In the movie Baby Mama, Kate (Tina Fey) has this interesting exchange with her mother, Rose (Holland Taylor). Rose doesn't understand why her daughter wants to be a single mom.

Rose: "Now, we have all adjusted to your alternative lifestyle."Kate: "Mother, being single is not an alternative lifestyle."Rose: "It is when you are 37 years old."

Ugh. Whenever I tell people I'm single, most react incredulously. "How's that possible? Why have you never been married?" And I quickly reply: "Because I avoided two divorces." That usually shuts them up.

2 comments:

Before I met my fiance', I would get insulted at that question -- "Why have you never married?"

Then I realized what the real sentiment was behind the question: "How is it that someone as wonderful as you has remained single? Obviously, it's because you have chosen not to marry, because any man would be a fool not to want you."

Where in the world is Maria?

I've left Miami and am journeying throughout the U.S. while completing a book manuscript. After 12 amazing years as one of Miami's trailblazing blogs, Sex and the Beach has formally retired.

I'm currently publishing "heart-centered media" at Medium and still stirring things up in the 305 at Miami New Times. Dispatches at #vicequeentravel. Find satellites of me and my words on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, where the tribe sits around the fire. Or simply browse the archives at leisure to enjoy 11 years worth of stories on this award-winning blog.

About the Author

Award-Winning Writer and Independent Journalist. I tell it like it is and write stories from the heart about whatever tickles my fancy and other parts. Learn more at Linkedin.
All posts under the Manola Blablablanik series, this blog's original nom de plume, are semi-fictional.