Thursday, July 15, 2010

Disconnect

The Boy and I have been officially living together for a month now. The moving, integrating our stuff together and finding of a new routine all went seamlessly, but we seem to have now hit our first hiccup.

We are struggling right now with the balance of together time/alone time/time individually with friends/time together with friends etc. He would be perfectly happy if we just spent every minute together and never went anywhere without the other. I, on the other hand, like my time to wander the grocery store aisles aimlessly, sit and read in a Starbucks or to take a walk along the waterfront alone with my thoughts. We've had good conversations about our differences, but there never seems to be any resolution. As an only child of a single parent, he hated being alone all the time and would rather be surrounded by people at all times. My needs are different and finding the balance has been difficult. Our conversations are good, we communicate SO WELL and there is never any arguing or yelling, it's just a deep conversation, but at the end I can't help but feel disconnected from him a bit. I know that I need to just have faith that the balance will find itself. The nature of having 2 different jobs and sets of friends will mean that alone time will be had, and our date night tradition will continue so together time will also be had, but for now there is a fear that exists for me. A fear of what I am not exactly sure....we have both acknowledged that this difference is in NO way a dealbreaker and we are both still 100% committed to eachother so I don't think it is a fear of him leaving me...a fear of making him (or myself) unhappy? an unrealistic expectation of relationship perfection? I wish I could figure it out so I could get rid of this feeling. For now I am holding on to the fact that we are communicating openly and respectfully about the issue and knowing that a man who leaves a smiley face spelled out in m&ms and a gin & tonic with freshly squeezed lime on the kitchen table for me to find while he is out running errands is someone who clearly loves me and isn't going anywhere.

1 comment:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts..I felt your open and honest heart speaks so clearly of what many can experience in a new and loving relationship...it seems we are so happy..in love and connected..that at some level it seems ' something ' may not be right or could not be ' so right' yet life can bring such wonders as gifts of 'self' awareness..

In fact we may find by putting the intention on what is right..and good and joyful we attract more of the same..like why try and fix what is not broken..and if there is a challenge in any relationship we will be the one who will really know that in our hearts how to bring even greater love and understanding..Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts...