Henrietta the Rat reports: 'The 1983 Milford SF Writers' Conference (UK) attracted a baker's dozen to the usual venue, the Compton Hotel, from 25 Sept to 2 Oct. Present: Scott Baker, Richard Cowper, Malcolm Edwards, David Garnett, Mary Gentle, Rob Holdstock, Garry Kilworth, Rachel Pollack, David Redd, Diana Reed, Kevin Smith, Andrew Stephenson, Lisa Tuttle. Daytimes were as usual devoted to serious activities such as reading, discussing manuscripts, and drinking. Evenings were as usual divided between serious activities such as open discussions and drinking, and frivolous activities such as games and drinking. The period between 3am and 7am was reserved for sleeping. Important Facts: K. Smith was undefeated in the pool league, while G. Kilworth racked up the high score on the now-venerable Meteoroids machine. Call My Bluff sessions came up with the usual absurd definitions: crantara a piece of bloody wood carried from clan to clan in medieval Scotland; dowcet a deer's testicle; papaphobia intense fear of the pope. All these definitions proved to be true. New chaos emerged in a game introduced by R. Cowper: one person leaves the room, the rest choose an adverb, and the victim tries to guess the word by asking people to perform different actions in the fashion it suggests. The only sight to rival G. Kilworth encountering a rat in the street offensively was the spectacle of all twelve other players dying melodramatically in front of a baffled R. Pollack. Everyone present vowed never to mention the Cowper interpretation of painting a picture pervertedly.

'L. Tuttle was elected as the new Chair, replacing clapped-out D. Garnett. The other committee members – Langford (Secretary) and Edwards (Treasurer) – were re-elected. Next year – same time, same place (yet again.)' (HtR)

(NB: Mary Gentle's rat Henrietta was present all week but didn't bring a story. The report is actually not by Mary.)