Two friends lived in
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. They were sick of
winter, so they went to a travel agent and booked a trip
to Australia.
When the two friends got off the plane - still wearing
their down
jackets, wool hats and snow boots - they wandered into a
pub and sat down. The locals wondered about these
strangers, so one of the Aussies walked over to the
visitors and said, "G'day, mates.
Where're you from?""Saskatoon, Saskatchewan,"
one of the Canadians replied."Oh," said the Aussie,
returning to his table."So where are they from?" the
other locals asked."Don't know," replied
the Aussie. "They don't speak
English."

IRAQ

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Saddam is
still alive," Saddam
decided to send George W. a
letter in his own writing to let him know that he is
still in the game. Bush
opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded
message:370HSSV 0773HGeorge W.
couldn't figure it out so he typed it out and emailed it
to Colin Powell.Colin
and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the
CIA.
No one could solve it so it went to the NSA
and then to MIT
and NASA and the Secret Service ...
the list got longer and longer.
Eventually they asked
Mossad in Israel for help.
Capt. Moishe Pippick took
one look at it and replied: "Tell the President that he is
looking at

the message upside down."

IRELAND

Mrs. Donovan was walking down
O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father
Rafferty. The Father said, "Top
o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I
marry ye and yer husband 2 years
ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did,
Father."
The Father asked, "And be there
any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet,
Father."
The Father said, "Well now, I'm
going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and
yer husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye,
Father." They parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Father asked,
"Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well,
Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me,
have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father!
Three sets of twins and four singles, 10 in all!"
The Father said, "That's
wonderful! And how's yer loving husband doing?"
She replied, "He's gone to
Rome to blow out yer damn candle!"

Bill Clinton is
getting $12 million for his memoirs.
His wife, Hillary, got
$8 million for hers.That's $20 million for
memories from two people who, for eight years,
testified repeatedly - under oath - they couldn't
remember anything.

GREAT BRITAN

British Courtesy

An American tourist in
London found himself needing to take a leak
something terrible. After a long search he just
couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve
himself. So he went down one of the side streets
to take care of business. Just as he was
unzipping, a London police officer showed up."Look here, old chap,
what are you doing?"
the officer asked."I'm sorry,"
the American replied, "but I really gotta take a
leak.""You can't do that
here," the officer
told him. "Look,
follow me."
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden
with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured
hedges. "Here,"
said the policeman,
"whiz away."
The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped,
and started pissing on the flowers. "Ahhh,"
he said in relief. Then turning toward the
officer, he said,
"This is very nice of you. Is this British
courtesy?""No,"
retorted the policeman.
"It's the French Embassy."

Goodbye "e-mail,"
the French government says, and hello "courriel"
-- the term that linguistically sensitive France is
now using to refer to electronic mail in official
documents.

The Culture Ministry has
announced a ban on the use of "e-mail"
in all government ministries, documents, publications
or Web sites, the latest step to stem an incursion of
English words into the French lexicon.