Rated PG!

A few years ago I was shopping in Wal-Mart. I had Caleb and Cassady with me. At that time Caleb was just a toddler, maybe two or three, and Cassady was about five. Now remember that having Cassady with me was like having all eight of Kate Gosselin’s children at one time. With that said, my time in Wal-Mart had been a rough one to say the least. If you are a mother then you know what I am talking about. Trying to shop while your children are acting like a bunch of hoodlums is enough to make you want to gnaw off your own leg! AND those little no-neck monsters know that you can’t do to them what you really want to do in the store because of those stupid cameras! Anyway, I was on my last aisle and on the last item on my list when Caleb decided to pick up my carton of eggs that was sitting on top and dump them out in the buggy. I could not believe my eyes. There I was with a buggy that looked like the truck on The Grapes of Wrath and now my eggs were all broken and beginning to run throughout the groceries! I immediately began to feel sorry for myself and question God as to why this was happening to me. I mean I am a good person…is this really necessary?

In the middle of my pity party, somewhere between “why me” and “I quit!” I heard something that changed me forever, something I’ll never forget. I was standing in the cracker aisle assessing the damage when I heard this little boy (about 4 years old) talking to a little girl. Let me just say right here that this little boy was not talking in a normal tone……he was very loud. And he spoke with such passion and animation! Suddenly he began to say, very loudly, “the more I don’t hold my wiener……” ( this is the PG part). He continued “the more I don’t hold my wiener…………my…….my…….. wiener…….” At this point I began to thank Jesus for broken eggs because I realized it could be so much worse!! I turned around to see his mother, who seemed to be running in slow motion, like a soldier in an old World War II movie, screaming “Noooooooooo!” She couldn’t get to him in time. As the little boy continued to stutter the word wiener, the little girl stood there wide-eyed with the look of question on her face waiting for him to spit out the rest of his sentence. So he continued………”the more I don’t hold my weiner…..the more treats I get!” (Oh! so that’s what makes them stop!) Bless her heart! All she wanted to do was teach him to not hold his wiener now she was humiliated.

I learned something that day. I learned that we are not alone in this world when it comes to trials and tribulation. AND (notice how big the and is) we have to find humor in life or life will eat us up! So today when you drop your cell phone in the toilet, or your two-year old shows off your collection of Maxi pads to the man at Lowe’s, or your little boy tells a perfect stranger about his wiener, just pause…………breath………say a little prayer………….and have a big ol’ belly laugh! And remember, You’re not alone.

12 Comments

Amanda Collins
on August 31, 2010 at 2:05 pm

So I usually read your blog in the middle of my lab class (I know, I know, shame on me) but one of these days you’re going to get me in trouble. Today my partner just HAD to know what I was laughing at and he ended up reading over half your posts. You’ve got a good thing here. I like it. I like it a lot.

Okay, that is too funny! Thank you for the reminder to laugh at the stupid stuff we and our kids do. Last night I took the girls to Chick-fil-A and both girls sat down on the ends of the booth benches. I don’t know if they thought I would jump over them to get to my seat or what. Anyway, I put the tray of food on the edge of the table and proceeded to tell them one of them need to move and all of a sudden my whole tray ended upside down on the floor. When I finally sat down and the manager brought us a whole new order, I decided to lecture the girls about being selfish. Candace just said, Mom you’re going to laugh about this some day. Well, we were already laughing about it this morning. Thanks again for the reminder to enjoy life with your kids. Love you Tonya.

Hey, there, Tonya! I just discovered your website and your stories! (Well, we HAVE been gone on vacation!) I absolutely LOVE ALL your stories! I really think you may have another career ahead of you! Seriously! Your stories are as delightful and humorous in writing as they are in the flesh! I love the way you can take a crisis or a catastrophe (no keys–running out of gas, etc) and turn it into something funny that we can ALL relate to…That is a God-given gift! And He is going to use that gift for His glory! You, go, girlfriend!!!

I am so proud of you for pursuing what you love to do and staying true to yourself. I have personally witnessed your deep faith in God and how He allows you to use your gift of humor to be uplifting to others. I have shared some of your darkest hours but you have always allowed God to come shining through. You are an overcomer and an inspiration to me. I am so blessed to be able to call you DAUGHTER. Love, Mom

love this one Tonya. Reminds me of the time we took my two girls to the Greater Gulf State Fair. To get out of the rain we went into the livestock show and along with all of the hundreds of other people who went in to get out of the rain we admired the prize bull who was resting laying over on his side. my little 3 year old blue eyed, chubby cheeked curly haired little cherub, Allison, said in her loudest voice (which she still has today) “look at the balls on that thing”! The lady behind me had just taking a big gulp of her soft drink and she spit it out hitting me in the back of the neck she was laughing so hard. We do not know to this day where in the world that comment came from ….every year we have to go in the livestock tent now just for the memory! lol…keep sharing those funny stories…does my heart good!