contact / help

I'm one more year closer to death,
so thank you all for wishing the best.
I'll stick around but not if I don't have to.
I can't even help myself for you,
not that I really want to.
If you feel down just know I am under you.

I'm always waiting for things to end but they don't,
but I can still hope.
I made myself a list and I scaled it one to ten of how much I could be missed.

There is traces of foreign blood on all of my possessions.
I went downtown and found something to do.
It takes dedication to stay this sedated.
If I come around I'll be gone in a second or two.

Track Name: the waltz

So you wanna dance?
Take hold of my hand and we'll go to the benefit ball.
Everyone's there and you seem to care if they know that we can do the waltz.
Honey, I'm bored.
Some dick says hello.
Says that I know him from somewhere.
He's breathing all my air.
What kind of bar only sells light beer?
What are we doing here, my dear?

You want me to meet some new family that moved from a place I've never been.
You say to be nice but being polite is for kids who get a prize at the end.
What a charade.
You're laughing so loud but I don't know how it could be,
the joke is not funny.
They all say cheese except for me, I'm okay,
I'm not a picture to take, to frame.

It's time to go, time to go home, baby, please.
I'm catching a disease.
You scream in my face.
Call me a waste of skin, a worthless existence.
I know.
I walk through the door, we've done this before,
it's become somewhat comforting.
And everyone stares, but nobody cares anymore.
A drunk falls on the floor.
He's okay.

Track Name: half empty (warm sad)

You can come to me as something comforting.
A gentle melody I never learned to sing.
I locked the bathroom door and blacked out on the floor.
Maybe this is it, I'll never feel again.

All my dreams are lonely memories.

I only want to be a leaf upon a tree blowing in a breeze that helps somebody breathe.
All I really need is some honesty.
A simple symphony.
A singularity.

Track Name: sorry for the mess

take a seat
have a drink
with your friends
how are you?
I missed you too
I'm so glad
dim the lights
test the mics
we're all set
ladies
gentlemen
I present

don't be shy
just say hi
look at them
patiently
they're waiting
take a breath
clear your throat
final note
now the end
of the story
I'm so sorry
for the mess

Track Name: adieu

I hope life will be gentle for you, I know it adores you.
Tied your shoes instead of a necklace, you won't regret this.
Whatever you do, I know you'll remember to remember your manners.
You give it your all, all that you've got, and it will pay off.

You will know when it hits home.
Adieu.

Every Sunday I pray to you.
Hope you're smiling, hope you don't feel blue, as blue as the moon.
There is nothing I would not do to hear you laughing so hard you can't move.
How I miss you.

Track Name: bleeding seasons

I guess I've been
drinking, waiting
for this season
to stop bleeding
I can barely sit still now
think that I forgot somehow
I can't really say if it's night or day
it all feels the same either way

this is how I end
cold hands
stained carpet
mattress
I left

all of my friends
ask what's happened
and I tell them
and they listen
when I was a kid
I would pray
to be taken far away
but for some reason I stayed
maybe for my sis
maybe 'cause I missed

Track Name: tiasaad

who is the magician here?
who can make me disappear?
I hide in kaleidoscopes
with my friends who I don't know

someone turn me inside out
outside into holy light
children take their medicine
I try to escape with them

everybody dies
you and I both will close our eyes
let's see France
and dance with the plants
let's hold hands
while we still can

Track Name: what I deserve

inside of my head everyone is dead
it's a quiet place where I feel most safe
please leave me alone, I don't want to hurt anyone
premeditated, what is the difference?

I make me sick

I see how this will end and it's not pretty, 'cause I know what I deserve
I hate when I speak, I'd rather say nothing but I cry when I think

I'm a sinful nun, got fucked by an angel's son
calmer when I'm drunk, like a dying dog
I only have fun when I fall in love
always giving up, never give enough

Track Name: no stars out here

I've got something to say
saved it for a rainy day
fuck this broken thing inside of me
beating me till I can't breathe
I've already picked the tree I want to be buried beneath
there's not a lot that I fear
but there's no stars out here
never really liked my name
tell me something that you'd change
I can think of plenty things
think I'll have another drink
before I go and see my shrink
everything I say's a complaint
what an epiphany
everything is finally clear
'cause there's no stars out here

Track Name: mc = u & me

woke up in the strangest place
woke up with a stranger's face
thought that I had finally died
thought that I was made of the sky
blue
I watched a child lose her balloon
I watched a child scream at the moon
I told the child it was okay
I told her it would find her someday
soon
I walked out of the avant-garde
and pointed at the nearest star
you said that we would never fit in
I guess we got to try again
true
I see your name starts with an "M"
I guess that means you're an addict
funny, my name starts with a "C"
mc = u & me
cool

Track Name: when you look into our eyes

I passed four graveyards on the way home, just looking for a place to call my own and now everyone's always asking if I'm catching a cold, maybe animals close their eyes when they cross the road. She said "you're so sad but you're so cute", I happily grinned and said "yeah, you too". I asked her to blow on my harmonica 'cause that's as close as I'm ever gonna get to kissing her. We made a date at the Golden Gate. It's been awhile since I've smiled, man, I can't wait.

You can tell when I am gonna die when you look into my eyes.
You can tell when she is gonna die when you look into her eyes.

I wanted you to stay but I begged you to go, there's many places that are safer that you can call home. You said you'd hang yourself if I hung up the phone but talking to me really only makes you feel more alone. I thought I locked myself in but I lock myself out, I guess it makes more sense than what you're talking about. There's not a single person in this world that I don't doubt. I've thought about it, may be wrong, but I don't care now. Maybe when you visit you and I can go for a walk, just promise you'll be here, I promise I won't talk.

When you look into our eyes.

Track Name: wisdom teeth

it's the want to be loved
it's the want to be drugged
it's your empathetic hug
it's your serpentine tongue
it's the river where I swim where the water is our friend
it listens

it's the holding of my breath after everybody's left
all the nights that I forget
I don't know how else to live
I might crawl to your door and die on all fours
and try again

it's the colour of the sky
the hello's and the goodbye's
fuck the sun it should die along with you and them and I
sometimes I like to think while the world takes time to blink
in silence

I should steal my father's gun and take a shot at everyone
see, it's all just games and fun until the mothers drown their sons and the precious daughters too
happy birthday, I love you
my darling

my favourite thing to do besides being here with you is watching flowers bloom
such a quiet afternoon
it's that everything I say seems to feel like a mistake
I remake

can you please just go away
we can play another day
I would pray to someone for a friend or someone just to tell me it's okay
who's to say I'm not to blame
I blame you

every time I wake up in my best friend's bathtub I wish myself good luck and proceed to fill it up
sometimes I want to shave my head and crawl back into bed
and think of everything I've said