The Art Of Interaction: Lessons From A Spy

The Art Of Interaction: Lessons From A Spy

Getting what you feel you deserve from life is all about making the right relationships — and more importantly, making the most of the relationships that you have with those people. And if that's going to happen, your ability to influence people in a variety of situations is pretty key. According to a semi-retired British spy, when it comes to the art of interaction, gaining people's trust is the first step to getting what you want out of them.

"One of the key things you can learn from spies when it comes to interacting with other people is that it’s important that you’re persuasive, but you also need to show some flexibility," explains espionage expert, Dave Thomas.

“There are lots of ex-military guys and MI5, M16 guys and police officers looking for work in the private sector and the intelligence services are regularly running recruitment campaigns. It’s as simple as logging onto their websites and filling out an application form.”

Here, Dave Thomas gives his take on how to master the art of interaction.

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Business negotiations

A spy's view: In terms of getting your way as an agent, you make sure you play the grey man and not give too much away. You have to ascertain exactly what you’re trying to get from the person you’re dealing with — the last thing you want to do is annoy this person or get their hair up.

What you can learn: People are only going to do business with people that they like, so be friendly with people, but also be quite firm and be prepared to be quite reactive in negotiation situations. So, rather than blurting everything out at the beginning, try to build up a profile of the person you’re discussing a contract with and possibly change your approach. Flexibility is key, because you may think you’re going to go in with one approach but you have to do your homework on the person you’re dealing with.

Job interviews

A spy's view: Some interviewers try to trip you up to get information or to get you to crack. I’ve done it on many occasions in interrogation techniques where I’ve fired questions at someone rapidly to get information out of them.What you can learn: If you’re on the end of an interrogation, it’s important not to be bullied into saying what you don’t actually want to. Do your homework on the company, make sure you know all of the credentials of the company, make sure that you know what the company does as a business, and find out as much as possible about the job, so that when they ask you about aspects of the job, you can almost tell them what they want to hear. Don’t tell them too many lies because that will trip you up. Also, don’t be rushed; think about the question before you answer it and ask them to repeat it if you can.

Building up friendships

A spy's view: If you're working undercover and you’re trying to make connections, you won’t be able to go straight to the top — it takes time. Anna Chapman (the U.S.-based Russian spy who was arrested this year) started meeting people who knew people. From there she was introduced to other people and by making the right associations, she began to weave her way into the relevant social circles.

What you can learn: In a social environment, whether it’s down at a local pub or at work, it’s worth getting to know somebody to find out (and remember) their likes and dislikes. Come across as a friendly and open person and offer some personal details about yourself because then you’ll start finding yourself socialising and networking with the same kind of people. These days, with Websites and social networking sites you can find out vast bits of information, which in some ways is good, and in others not so good, so it’s not difficult to make those connections with like-minded people.

Interacting with women

A spy's view: As an agent, sometimes you'll need to get close to a woman to get information out of her. To do that you need to create an honest feeling and environment to make her feel comfortable.

What you can learn: If your mission is to befriend a woman, making her laugh is always one of the best ways to get her relaxed. Building trust is also important, but that takes time. It’s not going to be something that’s done over a meal and she needs to know that you don't have hidden motives, so make sure you don’t come across as somebody that’s "wham bam thank you, ma'am." If this woman is really worth it, then take your time; patience is an important quality that’s often overlooked.