10.30.2013

- My appointment with the throat surgeon was frusturating. For 5 years I've though I had/ been trying to treat GERD and it's possible that I actually have Gastroparesis. The doctor wants me to do an EKG to make sure my heart is healthy, and then try a new motility drug to see if that helps my symptoms. If it doesn't fully or at all then it's back to the drawing board for stomach or throat surgery respectively.

- I went to TJ Maxx today and bought a few things while basking in baby free glory. My mom has R for the day and walking around the store without my screaming/ running child is heaven!

- My puppy barks loud enough to set off every other dog in the neighborhood. He doesn't bark except when he's playing but good gracious he's got a deep bark!

- We never carved our pumpkins. I'm a little bummed out about this but the darn things got moldy! Next year I want preserved grocery store pumpkins.

I hear a lot of people throw around the terms "OCD" and "Obsessive Compulsive" when they are referring to having a Type A personality, being particular about something (especially cleaning), etc. But Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a real disease, that affects real people, and has real consequences.

Hello, my name is Lauren and I have OCD.

Multiple times an hour I have intrusive thoughts about vomiting. These thoughts are particularly intense when I am out of the house (especially at restaurants) and when I am driving. Wherever I am I have to know where the bathroom is and the quickest way to get there. I will picture myself throwing up in that bathroom and what it would be like. I always make a game plan. When I am driving I constantly think about what I would do if I needed to throw up. Would I pull over? Would I find a bag in my car or would I open the door? Would someone stop to help me? How would I get home? What if R was with me?

I have been diagnosed with Emetophobia (the fear of vomit/ vomiting) but phobias can also manifest through OCD. Year ago I used to preform a variety of rituals to assure myself I wasn't going to vomit especially if I was nauseous.) They included entering and exiting the shower in a particular way, wearing certain clothes, drawing certain symbols in certain areas, repeating a certain chant, pacing a certain way, placing certain objects in certain places, etc. Therapy, medication, and time has helped me conquer most of my compulsions, but it hasn't stopped the intrusive and obsessive thoughts. Today I'm classified as having “Primarily Obsessional OCD” and it is the greatest struggle I have in my life.

This is OCD. And it's not pretty like a clean house.

I wasn't diagnosed with OCD until very recently because I was afraid to tell my psychiatrist about my obsessions and compulsions. I was already having mood and anxiety issues, I didn't want him to know I was really crazy. But that's because I didn't realize what was going on with me was OCD. Popular culture would have you believe that OCD is just being a clean freak, and I just felt like a freak. This cleanly, anal-retentive myth is HARMFUL. It keeps people like me from getting help and people like you from understand what this disease is and what it really does.

Here's a nice little tidbit about OCD from my best friend Wikipedia:

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry; by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety; or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions... Obsessions are thoughts that recur and persist despite efforts to ignore or confront them. People with OCD frequently perform tasks, or compulsions, to seek relief from obsession-related anxiety.

Here is what OCD isn't: Feeling a little anxious or uneasy if your house isn't clean because you like it clean. Enjoying the cleaning process.

Here is what OCD could be: Having crippling panic attacks when your house isn't clean because you feel there are germs that could kill you and your family. Hating the cleaning process but having to do it anyway because of said killer germs.

There's a big difference.

So here is my plea; please have compassion. Please stop using the terms OCD and Obsessive Compulsive to refer to anything other than what the disease really is. It's not a quirky obsession with having a clean house, it's obsessions and compulsions that stem from deep seated fears and anxieties. Please educate yourself and spread the word!

Here's are some quotes and links to great articles about this subject:

Booing has been going around our neighborhood for the past couple weeks, and just yesterday I was expressing my disappointment to N that we hadn't been Booed yet. I know that's a silly thing to be disappointed about, but I've been really wanting to do this (I've never seen it go around my neighborhood before!) and I knew R would love it. We're not super close with any of the other families with kids in our neighborhood since most have older kids, but we're met most of them. Well after a difficult morning wouldn't you guess what was on our doorstep! We'd been booed!

- Saturday night was one of my dear friends from high school's wedding. It was a beautiful wedding but R was a complete disaster. She refused to even look at all the old friends I was trying to introduce her to, and kept screaming for this and that. We ended up taking her outside and she ran circles around N and I for probably an hour until it was pretty clear she was going to crash. We had to leave before the reception even started and I was super bummed out because I barely got to see anyone!

If I could marry this medication, I would consider it.

- I have been battling some pretty awful nausea for the past couple days. I couldn't find my Zofran this weekend so I took Phenegran instead which knocked me out cold for the entire day Sunday and most of Monday. Thankfully I found it last night! My big consult with the throat surgeon is tomorrow so I'm super anxious to see what he says.

- R and I slept in on Saturday and totally missed the trick-or-treat street in downtown Littleton that I really wanted to take her to. Halloween is coming up way too fast!

Contains referral link!

- Yesterday I thought that the new HauteLook beauty bag was going to go on sale at 8am EST. I also thought it'd sell out quickly so I set my alarm for 6am (we're on Mountain time) and I refreshed for 15 minutes until I realized it was 8am PACIFIC! So I set my alarm again and woke up and ordered it, only to realize later that it wasn't selling out. Annoying! I'm excited to get it though. I just hope it doesn't take more than a month to get here.

- We were supposed to take family pictures yesterday but we had to postpone because the weather was awful. I shouldn't mind cold weather living in Colorado and everything, but I don't think I'll ever grow to appreciate it.

10.27.2013

I was lucky enough to participate in the Fall Friend Swap 2013 put on by Britney of Lady Luck, Alicia of Brew Mama, and Jodi of Love and Crayons. I've never done something like this before so I was super nervous (about picking good stuff for my partner!) and excited (about meeting a new blogger and getting something cool in return!)

I was paired with Danielle of Lean Green Mama, and let me tell you, she is awesome! I scrolled alllll the way back in her blog and read it from the beginning, and watching her fitness and running progress just blew my mind. I tried my hand at the Couch to 5k program two years ago and ended up running (ok, jogging, but that's just how I run!) two 5ks. I just about died after each one, and seeing Danielle's progress finishing a HALF FREAKING MARATHON practically brought a tear to my eye. Oh, and she has the cutest little boy ever who she calls Nugget. I definitely wish I could pinch those cheeks in real life!

Every year on Halloween my dad goes to all the local supermarkets and cleans out their selection of king sized candy bars. He lines them up on a table right inside his front door and lets trick-or-treaters pick whatever king sized candy they want. He's gotten quite the reputation, and despite buying hundreds of candy bars every year, he always runs out long before kids stop ringing the doorbell. N and I aren't nearly baller enough to go that big, but because we don't get very many trick-or-treaters at our house I decided I wanted to hand out something fun this year... (HA! HAND! GET IT?!)

When I was really young I wanted to be Batman for Halloween. Not Batgirl, BatMAN. The next year my mom bought me a gorgeous Tinker Bell costume, and I grudgingly put it on but when she tried to put my hair in a bun it was meltdown city. I decided to be BatMAN for two years in a row.

2. If you could go back to your childhood and dress up as something, what would it be?

I have no idea but I know it'd be something home made. I was always so jealous of the kids whose moms sewed them cool, one-of-a-kind costumes. I have inherited my mom's lack of sewing abilities (I really should just take a class), but I'm hoping I can make R some cool costumes one day. Or you know, there's always Etsy! ;)

3. What was your favorite Halloween costume as an adult?

I've only done Halloween in costume once as an adult, and it was my freshman year of college when I was 18 and able to wear the sexy outfits. I haven't wore a costume since, but this year I sucked up my self confidence issues and bought this...

It looks sexy in the picture but trust me, it is MUCH more conservative on my 5'4" frame. The skirt goes to my knees. I'm also going to put a patch behind the cleavage slit, haha. This year R is going as Buzz Lightyear (she picked the costume out herself!) and we bought N a Woody shirt. I had originally wanted Hank to be Woody but the costume only went up to a Large and he needs at least a 3x. I still have to find something for him!

4. What is your favorite Halloween candy?

Finding Dots was always my Halloween jackpot! And since nobody else in my family liked them I got them all! It's safe to say if R gets any this year I will have to *inspect* them for her.

5. What is your favorite Halloween memory?

I want to say it was my freshman year of high school (so still young enough to dress up and go trick-or-treating) there was a big snow storm right before Halloween and my friend and I decided to brave the cold and go to all the new houses in my under construction development. Most of the people said we were the only trick-or-treaters they had gotten all night and gave us ALL their candy! We cleaned up big time.

6. What is your favorite scary movie?

This is a tough one because I sort of hate scary movies. I just don't like being scared, especially if it's something paranormal. Gore doesn't scare me, but it grosses me out to no end. How people watch the Saw movies is completely beyond me. I saw The Ring in theaters when it first came out (and I was in middle school) and I STILL have nightmares about it to this day. I do like a good zombie flick though and I have to say the remake of Dawn of the Dead takes the cake.

- R got in trouble at dance class yesterday. She gets a little *too* excited sometimes and runs around like a crazy person. Her dance teacher gave her a stern warning to cut it out, and she pouted for a minute but got right back up and was great for the rest of class. If that was me I'd have had a meltdown in embarrassment and would never have gone back to class. We're living and learning over here!

- I've been having a really hard time with R lately. Her energy and intensity are just too much for me to deal with sometimes, and this has been a hard age. I wouldn't say she's more defiant than the average 2.5 year old, but she's definitely louder. Much, much louder. Just once I'd like to be able to get her ready, in the car, and through the grocery store with no tears or ear splitting screaming. Is that to much to ask?

- I have another super cool receiver pack to wear around for the next 5 days. This one needs to stay near my stomach as opposed to my throat so I have to wear it on my pants instead of around my neck. This is difficult as I like to wear yoga pants 24/7. (Not even a little sorry!) Knock on wood this will be my last diagnostic test and my consultation is scheduled for a week from today!

- N was lied to at work and might possibly get screwed out of the long overdue raise he was promised. He hasn't gotten a raise in years and not only is underpaid for his position but he is by far the hardest working and most valuable person at his shop. I am having a very hard time saying "so what" about this because I am PISSED. :)

10.20.2013

Once again I told myself I wasn't going to fall into Julep's mystery box trap (especially since I upgraded in October) and once again I did. They found my chevron weakness and I just couldn't say no. Especially now that I'm selling all the polishes I don't like on ebay. Not that that's a good excuse at all...

Yesterday was the annual Denver Zombie Crawl and even though my other friends couldn't make it this year, I knew that I had to go with R. I decided to bring Hank along too because well, downtown freaks me out a little and I knew I'd feel more comfortable with my giant beast dog. He was so excited to see all the people and get a lot of attention but boy oh boy, trying to wrangle a two year old and an 80lb 7 month old puppy is way too much for one person. My shoulder is sore today and my hands are raw from holding the leash. We had a good time but Next year I am making N take work off and will try and get more people to tag along!

10.17.2013

- I'm pretty sure I'm still full from dinner last night. My dad is out of town (and my mom's birthday is tomorrow but she's leaving to meet my dad in Chicago) so went to the Melting Pot. It's this fantastic fondue restaurant that is ridiculously expensive and my dad "is against it on principle" so we always go when he's out of town. :)

- I got my Samsung Galaxy Note 2 10.1 (wow that's a mouthful!) in the mail yesterday! And guess how much I paid for it? A whopping $1.13! My mom gets Office Depot rewards for purchases from my dads business and sometimes she gives them to me if the office doesn't need anything before the rewards expire. Well she had a buttload of rewards and I decided to finally bite the bullet and get a Galaxy. So far I'm enjoying actually being able to watch videos on it (yay for Flash!) but there's definitely more of a learning curve than there is on the iPad. I never thought I'd admit to ever liking an Apple product, but that iPad is pretty ok... (At least when I don't want to watch videos.)

- I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon for my thyroid and I'm anxious to see how it goes. I've been increasing my dose of thyroid meds by myself because I've been so desperate to feel better. Hopefully we get something worked out today and I can check this annoying issue off my list.

- Instead of going to bed at a decent hour last night, I stayed up and wrote reviews of all the Scentsy bars I own. I'm not affiliated with Scentsy in any way, except for being obsessed with it, so I did this more for me so I can remember which scents I like. I think I might put it up here for anyone curious. Now I want to order a bunch more bars!

10.16.2013

- I am nauseous 24/7. (And no, I am definitely not pregnant.) Being emetophobic, nausea is my least favorite feeling in the world, but I'm trying to get by. I'm glad my Smartpill test is next week, but I'm also kind of freaked out I won't be able to take any nausea/ reflux meds for 5 days...

Hopefully R is as good this year as she was last year!

- The Zombie Crawl is on Saturday and I have nothing prepared yet. I need to figure out what R and I are going to wear (I believe I still have her tutu from last year) and head over to the Halloween store to pick up some face paint and lots of fake blood. I think we're going to bring Hank this year and I can't tell if that's a fantastic or absolutely terrible idea.

- Ok, this is pretty bizarre, but last night I had a nightmare that 1) I was back in high school, 2) I was supposed to graduate but was a few credits short, 3) some kids I knew called me a loser, 4) said kids left sticky notes all over my car with mean things on them about my weight (they were calling me a "potato") and feminist beliefs(?!) What?? No part of that had anything to do with how my high school experience really went (I didn't even have a car!), but I woke up really bummed out. I'm being bullied by my own subconscious!

- I also had a dream that the Avs lost. I mean, I know they're going to eventually (probably soon) but really? Why am I dreaming about this sort of stuff?

- I'm still pretty upset about how our Pumpkin Patch experience went. I just want to feel better!

- Hank got neutered yesterday and the poor guy has been so uncomfortable! He spent the majority of yesterday evening making his loud puppy sighs non-stop which would have been sort of funny if it hadn't been so annoying. I'm so glad it's done now though!

- I didn't feel well last night (digestive issues of course) and fell asleep early on the bathroom floor. Now it's 7am and I am up WAY too early! My body never appreciates being up this early in the morning so I know I'll be paying for this in the afternoon.

10.13.2013

There's a little farm just a few minutes from our house that's owned by Chatfield State Park and the Denver Botanic Gardens. It's actually the place where N and I got married, as well as the site where I ran my second 5k! The past few years they've had a really fun Pumpkin Festival to kick off the harvest of their pumpkin fields. There's fair food, food trucks, booths of all types, and free carnival rides for the kids. R was SO excited to go this year. In fact, all morning and as we were walking in she'd shout "I'M SO EXCITED!" The weather was absolutely beautiful to boot.

This is a tough one to answer because my experiences with blogs goes way, way back. I would say the first blog I truly followed was one called Total Sweetie Darling. She was older than me, I was in elementary school and she was- I think- in her 20s, and I also want to say she lived in Australia? Either way, she had her own domain, fancy layout, and would post about her life. This was in the early 00s and the blog is long gone but I'll never forget it because it inspired me to create my first website/ blog (the long defunct) vintage-girl.com

10.10.2013

- R didn't too bad as the flower girl for my cousin's wedding. She screamed when we tried to put her dress on and get pictures of her with the bridal party, she screamed right before it was time for her to walk, and when I tried to reroute her when she took a wrong turn down the aisle she laid down on the ground and screamed some more. But when she caught a glimpse of N standing at the end of the aisle holding out a sucker she dropped her flowers and RAN to him. Everyone laughed and she was precious dancing at the reception so overall it was a success.

10.09.2013

- R screamed bloody murder in the shower when I washed her hair. It gets washed maybe once a week for this reason but I had to do it.

- I parked like a crazy person (I'm talking completely crooked) in front of Starbucks. I was technically between the lines with room enough on each side. But the judgement radiated off everyone who walked by. Haters gonna hate I guess.

- I didn't stay in the studio for R's dance class on Tuesday and she didn't even need me there! Ok, I'm actually super excited about this- there is nothing I want more for her than confidence and independence.

- If R pooped on the floor last night. That's all I'm going to say about that...

For awhile now I've been trying to think of something that would look good on the big, empty wall in our kitchen. I considered a gallery wall but we're doing that downstairs, and I also considered framing a large vintage map of Colorado but that would have been too expensive. When one of my friends pinned the image on the right with the caption "headboard made from shower curtain," I knew I had found a winning idea.

About Me

Hi there! My name is Lauren and I'm just another mom and this is just another blog. I live in Littleton, Colorado with my wonderful husband Nate (N) and our "darling" daughter Reagan (R). This blog is focused on my ongoing health battles, but you can take a peek at my archives for home renovations, crafts, subscription box reviews, and you know, whatever.