~ Life Changing Journeys, Life changing Love

Tag Archives: family

Well, my little pity party is officially over for now but there are lots of people I want to thank for their support over the last little while. There are too many to mention everybody’s names but if you were one who gave me a hug and/or some encouraging words this is for you.

Thanks to Simone McKinnon who was for years a wonderful wise woman, fantastic friend, marvellous mentor, my sounding board, my walking and swimming buddy who dragged me out into the sunshine literally and figuratively. I wish you could have seen your book published. I will never forget you.

Thanks to my family who rallied around and took on the jobs that threatened to overwhelm us. It was good to see you all even though it was a sad occasion, you made it a fitting tribute to our mother, the heart of our family.

To my writing family, thanks for a wonderful conference. I was able to immerse myself and forget my woes for three days. They say that friends are the family you choose for yourself. Well, your kind words, encouragement and hugs warmed my heart and got me through my darkest hours with at least a little of my sanity intact.

To my employers who have been so supportive, sent such lovely flowers and gave me the time I needed. I owe you.

Special mention to Sylvia. I will be holding my breath while I wait for the news on Monday that you are safely through your surgery.

To my special friends Mary and Cass, I hope I can be as good for others as you are to me.

And last but never least, my dear husband and his other girl (the small dark exotic in her winter coat) thanks for everything. It’s really great to be home.

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Family and friends. Sometimes they are one and the same. Sometimes your friends become your family and sometimes family become your friends. It doesn’t matter whether they are blood related or not, family and/or friends are necessary for our mental health, in good times and in bad.

What makes a friend as dear to you as family? Simply put, it’s love. Even though they may not live close enough to be with them as often as you would wish, you know they care. They are there for you when you need them most whether in person or on the phone; when you just want to enjoy some relaxation with someone you can ‘let down your hair’ with, be yourself with, you want to be with them – contiguous; when you can make a fool of yourself-or spill the entire contents of your coffee mug-you know it’s okay, you don’t feel as if you’ve ruined your friendship by being a klutz.

But that’s only half of the story, or it should be. There’s an old saying, “to have a friend you have to be a friend”. That means that when your friend needs you, you have no hesitation, you want to be there for them. There’s nowhere else you would rather be but there with them while they work through whatever their pain or problem is. Even if you can’t do a thing to help, you want to be there, sit quietly and listen, make a cup of tea or coffee, or whatever it is they like best to comfort them. You want to do a load of washing, cook a meal, do some chores which will free them up when they need it.

What a lonely world this would be without family and friends. Moving from your home to the other side of the world would be so much harder if you had neither family or friends. In Torn Mary finds new friends along the way, friends who become her family. A friend she expected to be as close to her as family turned out not to be the person she thought she was, well, at least not in Torn. And, those she didn’t expect to like as friends in the beginning became her family.

Today I’m feeling blessed that I have both family and friends whom I love dearly. Family who are friends and friends who are family and I want to thank you all for being there for me recently. I hope I can return the favour though hopefully you won’t need me for quite the same reasons as I needed you recently.

As part of the gathering of the clans, I am up in Rockhampton, Central Queensland. People are arriving from everywhere. My great-nephew and his sister are here from New Zealand, sisters and other family arriving from all over.

My trip up was… interesting. I can’t remember how long ago it was when I flew in a propeller driven plane! It felt a little, dare I say, archaic? We really are spoiled in this modern world. So many things we take for granted. Warm clothes, cool air-conditioning, fast jet planes and more food than we could eat or than is good for us! Especially now, food has been arriving for days. I’m with my nephew and his family at the moment and she is saying she hasn’t had to cook in days!

What a different world it is, even in this age, in other parts of the world some not so far away and others not so long ago in history. Excuse me for harping on about the Irish Famine, but that’s the era I’ve been “living in” for the last I-don’t-want-to-say how many years. It hard to imagine a world without electricity for a start! Add to that the transport problems.

At that time in history steam ships were the newest latest whizz bang technology. Sailing ship captains navigated by the stars without the aid of computers and it took months to travel from Ireland to Moreton Bay off and Brisbane. Many didn’t make it that far. Shipwrecks were not uncommon either.

When I was tempted to turf Rosaleen off the “Reliance” in Africa. My critique partner wisely told me I shouldn’t. Rosaleen is, she said, was “such a good bad character”. After nearly being pushed overboard again in the Great Australian Bight, I relented and she survived! She kept trying to take over the story in “Torn” but I’m pleased to report she has settled for being the leading lady in “Shattered”, the follow on book from “Torn”.

Before I go, spare a thought for Liam’s horses on the “Reliance”. Every horse in Australia came at some time from overseas. It wasn’t easy to transport horses and it was not easy to research how they did it! But that’s a story for another time.

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Every day is a new day, a new chance to find happiness. I need to keep telling myself that. Today, I choose my mood to be grateful for what I have, thankful for the love offered to me and hopeful for the future.

Yes, I know. I’m more than a couple of degrees less cheerful than last Moody Monday. But, I have been blessed to know the love of so many family and friends, the kindness of even strangers in a time of loss, and I’ve much to look forward to.

Funerals are times of such heightened and mixed emotions and moods. Sober. Sombre. Sad. Bittersweet. I both dread and look forward to gathering together with those who also knew and loved my nephew, sometime soon.

Writing the funeral in Torn was heart wrenching. There are so many ways of mourning. There’s ‘keening’, the sound of a heart breaking. One dictionary describes it as “awailinglamentforthedead“. How quickly we can, at least publicly, move past keening, to talking about happier times is as individual as every human being.

Today I want to look forward as much as back. As the little ones grow up and become adults, I can remind them of those lost. Where their memories are vague and fading, I can honour those gone by telling stories about them, keeping their memories alive in my heart.

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Listening to the words you speak, hearing the break of your heart
Feeling so helpless and useless to fix anything for my part
I sit down to see if a new day can show me one thing I can do
To help you, to ease that there burden and show you how much I love you

But all I can do now is listen, the most I can do now is care
And let you know for now, as ever, for my friend I’ll always be there
I made up my mind many years ago, a decision that gives my heart rest
Whatever the worst situation, the most I can do is my best

I’ll research the best information, take as much time as I really can
Ask whomever I think just might help me, not rest until I understand
Take a deep breath and make my decision, plan and work then to make it succeed
Then at night when I sleep I’ll feel easy, know I did my best, word and deed.

Some days my best isn’t good enough, sometimes there is naught I can do
Some problems don’t have a solution and at times I do things that I rue
I’m human and that means imperfect and I make mistakes like the rest
Some days I’m down and need help too, those days I can just do my best

I trust though that you will forgive me on days when I let you down
Because you too are always forgiven when you are the one who’s the clown
For your problems I can’t know the answers I can listen and show how I care
You can count on my understanding – when you need I can hug like a bear

I can offer my ears and my heart and if there’s anything else I can do
You can count on me – I’m here to help you, to see that you always pull through
Some problems, alas, are your own though and some I must carry myself
We can listen and help one another but our best we must do by our self

No matter how much I would wish it I can’t make your cares go away
Your load you must bear for yourself dear, just do your best for today.