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Monthly Archives: January 2013

I’m quite fascinated how this is all playing out for the fact that I feel swollen and chubby, scale hasn’t budged much which isn’t surprising, but I’m noticing minor changes.

First of all my butt is getting a little pop. It’s shaping into more of a peanut m&m rather than just a plain milk chocolate. Yay! I’m still praying for a bigger butt…God, are you out there??

I’ve develop little baby biceps that I noticed when I was doing my hair. Now, I am very much aware that my bicep is hardly a bicep, hence the name “baby bicep”, but considering I use to have string bean arms this major progress.

My waistline seems to be slimming down and you can see my ab muscles poking through my warm layer of fat. It’s funny, when I was putting together my 3 week progress picture I was trying to find my “skinniest fat” picture in fear of what people would think. Then I realized that is defeating the whole purpose of my progress and why I have announced to the world what I am trying to accomplish via this blog, Facebook and Instagram….so fuck it. This is my body and it looks better than most Americans anyway.

I’m also taken aback by the warm and fuzzies I am feeling from the amount of support and encouragement I’ve been getting from people regarding this blog and my fitness efforts. I actually debated on creating this blog and debated admitting my fitness goals because I really expected to get criticized. I have gotten so use to keeping my dreams a secret and it is really sad that I actually expect people to try and make me feel like shit before they back me up. It’s nice to know that not only have supporters from unexpected people but that….well….I’m liked. Good lord, there’s a thought!

Well bitches, here are the first of many progress pics to come.

P.S. can we just talk about how adorable my phone case is? Lovvvvving.

Last night my friend shamed me for cheating on my diet and out of curiosity she said, ” I always wondered, was it worth it?”

When it comes to impulse, anxiety and emotionally driven cheating, it’s never worth it.

That kind of cheating is like when you have sex with someone because “you just want to have fun” and then afterwards you feel like shit because you realize your are really longing a deeper connection than that.

A less dramatic example would be when you text/call a guy knowing he has no real interest, but all you need is some validation with some shameless flirting that you are desirable. And even though it seems like it’s no biggie, you suddenly find yourself pissed off because he isn’t giving you the damn attention you wanted. Hello, why would be? He isn’t really interested and you knew that. It was temporary satisfaction hoping to fulfill a long term need.

That’s what cheating is for me. Food is an emotional band-aid. It always has been and it probably always will be. I may be able to control the use for the “medication” as I get older and explore other ways to feel better, but I know it is something that can easily creep up if I don’t get control over my life and emotions.

So no, cheating is never worth it. The food provides a temporary feeling of pleasure, like a drug, that helps fill a temporary void of long term fulfillment. And of course, after an hour has gone by I am beating my character with a brick for ruining everything I have worked so hard for.

I know you are thinking “just stop cheating, dumbass.” Gee whiz, why didn’t I think of that captain fuckin’ obvious? Rome wasn’t built in the day and neither will my self control, discipline, muscle definition or my impulsive, emotional eating habits. But lawdy lawd, I’ve come a long way, let me tell you. Actually, I won’t tell you. That’s for another post that at this time I am unwilling to share.

I don’t know what happened. I was doing so well this weekend. I turned down cake, pita jungle, alcohol…I did sneak in 2 glasses of red wine and some guacamole and chips, but that’s not the cheat I’m referring too.

As I mentioned earlier, I am enjoying cooking in the kitchen and as I do this fitness thing, I want to try out different recipes. One of my favorite breakfast meals so far was the Blueberry-Banana Baked Oatmeal. Seriously, I died. So yummy! This week I’m going to try it with mixed berries instead of just the blue.

Arrange the bananas in layers on the bottom of the baking dish. Place 1 1/2 cups of blueberries on top. Cover the fruit with the oat mixture.

Slowly pour the milk/egg mixture over the fruit and oats, making sure it covers them completely. Sprinkle the remaining berries and walnuts on top. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until golden brown and mixture has set. Remove from oven and let cool for 5-10 minutes before cutting. Store in refrigerator.

So another pound down and funny thing is I actually feeling like a little chubby koala bear.So I am not sure where this poud is coming from, but I’ll take it.

But huge news…I turned down my first dinner invite. It hurts talking about it.My mom came over yesterday to help me pack up my things for my move and she was going out to dinner with my dad.Of course she invited me and of course she assumed I would go.Why wouldn’t I turn down a free meal?It is really not in my nature to do that.

Mom: Do you want to come to dinner with us?Of course you do! Why am I asking?

Me: Uhhhh….where are you going?

Mom: Chinese.

Seriously, could they torture me any more??

Me: Uhhh…I can’t….I’m trying to be a body builder..

Mom: Ummm…ooooook….what does that mean?

I can tell by the confusion in her voice that she has not looked at my blog. Offended.

Me: I am on a body builder diet now.

Mom: ummm…ooook….and exercise?

Me: Yea, I am working out. I’m following a plan right now.

Mom: Ummmm….and why do you want to do this?

Me: It’s something I’ve been wanted to do for a year now.It looks like fun.

Mom: oooooooook….??

Me: I am still going to look like a woman. Not scary manish body. Look, here is a picture..

Mom: …they have fake boobs.

Me: Well, yea.

Mom: You don’t have fake boobs.

Me: Well yea, but I also don’t really need them.

Mom: Oh….well, you should contact my friend! She does all that stuff and it is so cool. She is 50 years old and I love looking at her body. I mean, she is 50 and that’s what she looks like. You should definitely reach out to her on facebook and tell her that she went to high school with me. I’m sure she would love it.

I will acknowledge that the following story exhibits some of my paranoia, however, in my defense my gut is always right.

When I first moved to Arizona in ’07 I really didn’t date much. I pretty much went to school, went to work and went home. Although that pattern sounds oddly familiar, I was definitely having a hard time transitioning. I was waitressing at this Italian place where this guy “picked” me up. He was cute but didn’t find him insanely attractive. To be honest, he was the only attractive brown person in the area and after being around vanilla all day he was practically sent down by angels.

I gave him my number and we chatted for a bit and agreed to go out to a movie with him. I regretted agreeing to this date because for some reason I just didn’t want to go. It was like torture having to get ready for this date. I was seriously coming up with every possible excuse and lie I could use to get out of this. But because my sister and mom were concerned for my well being they convinced me to just go and have fun. Fine…I went.

He picks me up in the most obnoxious rimmed out Cadillac. Seriously, he was one of those guys that thought his car was going to impress me? I’m not impressed with a car that you can’t afford and it probably isn’t his, lets just be honest. Anyway, I’m in the car, windows down and the music is blasting. If I would have known we were going to club ‘lac I would have worn my skankiest little number but I didn’t get the memo. When he did lower the music to talk he seemed super ADHD. Very sketchy and restless which made me kind of uncomfortable but I kind of excused it for nerves.

We get to the theatre, he buys me water and when we immediately sit down he tells me he is hungry and he wants a pretzel. Why he told me I have no idea. I am not sure what he wanted me to tell him so I did what felt right and gave him permission to eat. Within 3 minutes Mac Daddy comes back with nothing in his hand. I asked him where his pretzel was and he said he ate it. You mean to tell me that in 3 minutes he went on line, shoved a big ass dry movie pretzel in his mouth and just came back like nothing? My red flag sky rocketed up. This gangsta is up to something and I don’t like it one bit.

As we are watching the movie he reaches over and drinks from my water. Doesn’t ask for a sip until after he drinks from it, which at that point I could do nothing about it but be irritated. After he put my water down I made a promise to myself to not drink from that bottle again because I swore he put a drug in it. Enters Paranoia.

At some point throughout the movie I let my guard down and took a sipped. Luckily I remembered that there was a date rape drug in there so I quickly spit the water back into the bottle. If you know me at all a lot of grace went into that move. And I wish I could tell you he drank from my bottle after that and swallowed my saliva, but he unfortunately didn’t.

The movie ended and I was so ready to go. For whatever reason Crack Daddy “needed” to go back to his place to get his “friends sweater”. I took that as code for a machete. He kept pressing the issue and I kept objecting. I was new to the area and he could have taken me to Mesa and called it Scottsdale and I wouldn’t have known the difference. There was no way in hell I was going to his place to pick up a damn sweater his friend couldn’t do without. Was his friend naked at home and this was the only piece of clothing he had? Or was he hoping he could have his way with me and then spread my chopped up body through out the desert where nobody could find me. He must have begged me 10 times to go to his house and I just kept saying “I want to go home.” I know how this works, I watch Lifetime.

So I finally get my way and he takes me home. I jumped out the car so fast I don’t think the car even stopped moving. I walked through the door and I get a text, “so will I get a kiss next time?”

So can we just talk about how I have had my blog up for 9 days and I already have over a 1000 views!!! Holy crap and a half! I’m in shock. I never really thought anyone would pay much attention to it and I never really considered myself to be much of a writer. I have gotten such good feedback from my recent dating post which has boosted my confidence a bit and I have so many random stories that I want to share now. I also got a blog award from De (thanks!) and when I have the chance I will do the questionnaire. Life as a blogger is difficult when you only have an iPad to work on. Ugh, I know…sounds dreadful. Hash tag: spoiled girl problems

This whole fitness thing has been moving a long rather well. I did have some minor cheats during the weekend. It was very difficult to stay good and clean when I was surrounded by so much good food and alcohol. You don’t realize how much food and alcohol plays a social part in your life until you try and cut most of it out. But good news is that did run the marathon this weekend. Well lets clarify, I ran the marathon in my head. I did wake up at 5am to support my friend who ran the race in real life. Maybe one day I will do it or probably never. After my first 10 mile run that I did two weeks ago, I can confidently say I never want to experience that again. But eh….you never know.

Anyway, I didn’t cheat horrendously but I know it didn’t help my progress. I did lose a pound, which is cool and I played around with some good recipes which I will eventually share. That’s one thing, if I’m going to be doing this I need to play in the kitchen. I’ve been enjoying cooking and experimenting and I don’t want this training to ruin that for me. Obviously at some point the experimenting is going to simmer down as I won’t have many ingredients to play with. But while I still have the chance I want to enjoy it. After all, I am in wife preparation.