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Sunday, September 21, 2014

Since I am neither TTC nor engaging in sexual activity of any kind
for that matter, this is only significant to mention because my cycles have
been wonky for a while & I want to talk about it.

Before TTC in 2010, my cycles were very regular, like clockwork, 28 days
bang on. Upon getting my BFP in June 2010, I didn’t have another period until
January 2012. They started out pretty normal until last year. They started
getting shorter, averaging 24-25 days. They were light & only mildly crampy
with barely there PMS symptoms.

This was during a time I was trying to reconcile myself to being one
& done. It was a factor in helping me get to acceptance as I thought my
body was telling me that it wouldn’t have happened anyway. It felt like easy
logic.

I started getting vicious PMS…I’m talking major hormonal meltdowns. I
felt out of control emotionally, like a raging lunatic. It reminded me of when
I was pregnant & when I weaned Elena. It felt more than PMS too. It wasn’t
just in the days leading up to my period either. It seemed to rear up around
ovulation. I couldn’t trust myself. I convinced myself I was heading into
perimenopause.

Then my cycles started inching back to 28 days and for the first time
since before getting pregnant, I started getting tender breast, tender being an
understatement. I mean, my girls! Ouch! It all felt like my body was primed for
conception.

For months now time feels like it is on fast forward. Time feels marked
by my cycles. One just seems to end when another starts. Even though I’m not
TTC, I feel this pressure like I should be. That each month that passes is a
waste of a last chance. A monthly reminder of what could have been. It’s
frustrating because I’m truly content now with it being Elena & I. I do feel
our family is complete.

I am now 3 weeks away from the first anniversary of my 39th
birthday…oh fine, make me say it! My 40th birthday! I am, for all intents
& purposes, comfortable in turning 40. Turning 30 was extremely hard because
I was nowhere near where I thought I would have or should have been. Now, I
have everything I’d hoped for…well except for romantic love but there’s still
time for that….Any-hoooo, basically it feels like I’m living the dream…my
dream, & then every month I get zapped, testing my resolve. I blame the
hormones.

The main character in Life from Scratch &
Measure of Love is Rachel. Apart at the Seams is written from the perspective
of Arianna, Rachel’s best friend. Apart at the Seams follows the events from
Measure of Love but from Arianna’s perspective. For me, it was a brilliant way
to remind us all to try to see life from the other side of the coin.

What I love about Melissa’s writing is that she
immerses me in the story. I become emotionally attached to her characters &
find myself thinking of them long after I’ve finished the book, wondering how
they’re doing as though they’re old friends & not works of fiction.

~~~~~

Three questions from the tour group & my
answers:

1) Marriage is one of the main
themes in the story. Do you think it is possible for a couple to share a
long-term domestic relationship without actually being officially married? Why
is our society so keen on the expectation of marriage in a romantic
relationship despite the high divorce rates?

It is absolutely possible to share a long term domestic relationship
without being officially married. Just because a couple doesn’t stand in front
of their friends & family & say vows & make marriage promises doesn’t
make their commitment to each other less valid. A marriage in and of itself is
a private matter between the couple, why do they need to make such a public
declaration to make it valid in the eyes of society?

2) Arianna tells Rachel, "I
think there are people we should be with at different stages in our life, and
maybe those stages stretch on for fifty years or maybe they're over in a few
months" as a reason for not considering marriage. Do you think not knowing
the span a relationship may last is reason enough to not commit completely?

I feel we would do ourselves a grave disservice if we didn’t allow
ourselves to commit completely to a relationship, whether romantic or
otherwise, just because we don’t know the span the relationship will have. I
can only imagine how shallow our interactions would be if we all applied this
theory to our relationships. Knowing a relationship could have a short span feels
like more of a reason for me to really put my whole self into it & get the
very most out of it knowing our time would be fleeting as opposed to knowing a
relationship will span fifty years & I know I have ample time to cultivate
the relationship.

3) It feels as though Arianna
would become irritated with Ethan for not doing things she needed him to do yet
she often wouldn't verbalize clearly what it was she wanted or needed. Why do
you think asking for exactly what you need makes you feel so vulnerable?

For me, admitting I “need” at all makes me feel like I’m failing, like I
should be able to do it all & by admitting I can’t means I’m failing at it
all. Feeling like I’m failing is a pretty vulnerable feeling. Which, logically,
I find ridiculous because I would never think that of anyone who expressed a
need to me or asked for my help. The last thing I would think of them is that
they’re failing.

To continue to the next leg of this book tour, please visit
the main list at LavenderLuz.com.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Okay, maybe not “hot” fun…this summer has been oddly cool but that has
made our weekend adventures more comfortable than the usual 40 degree humidity
(that’s 104 Fahrenheit).

We went to FaeryFest again & of course Elena insisted on having her
face painted again. The artists were more pro this time & Elena’s turned
out beautifully:

I really like this festival. It has a very authentic medieval feel. The
majority of people who attend dress up & really get into character. They
have many vendor booths, especially since moving to a new, larger location,
& some amazing artists sell their wares there.

My favourite part about this festival though is the authentic jousting.
These aren’t actors, they use real lances & suits of armour, and it’s
amazing.

After the joust they announced that you could pay $5 for a ride on the
horses. Elena right away says she wants a turn…I was skeptical that she would
go through with it but lined up none the less quite sure she’d chicken out at
the last minute. Not my brave girl!!

We had an amazing time…though by the end of the day, Elena looked more
like she’d attended an Alice Cooper concert:

This year Elena has shown an interest in trains so we decided to go to
Day out with Thomas. I had been twice before with my nephews so knew Elena was
at a perfect age to enjoy it & she sure did!

All day long, what Elena asked for most was a Thomas balloon…not just a
regular balloon but a large, train shaped one!! I thought they would cost $30
but they were only $15 so I promised Elena we would buy one when we were
leaving. Throughout the day we would see these balloons fly away followed by
cries from a child. Finally, when we were on our way out, I bought one for
Elena & warned her to be very careful. We went to the car & I was loading
everything into the trunk. All of a sudden I heard a blood curdling scream that
made my heart stop. I thought Elena had been hurt but in the instant I looked
up I saw it…her balloon flying away!!! She was heartbroken & I felt awful!
I knew I should have put the balloon directly into the car. I’d planned to yet
got distracted…I felt so guilty. I’d promised her this balloon all day &
she’d been so well behaved & had really earned it!! So I ran back in &
bought her a second balloon…I guess getting her a balloon cost me $30 after
all!!

Another exciting summer event…I took Elena to the movie theatre for the
first time!!

We went to see Planes 2: Fire & Rescue & she had a great time!
There were a few scary parts but she just covered her eyes…she got a little
bored mid way through but hung in there & can’t wait for the next time!!

Elena & I went to visit our close friends. The boys (10 & 8
years old) adore Elena & the feeling is mutual!! They had baseball
tournaments & we went to cheer them on. Well the weekend started off with a
bang, literally! As we were leaving the baseball park Friday night Elena was
running ahead, she was very excited as were we heading back to my friend’s
house to go swimming. She turned to look back at us & ran right into a
TREE!!! The impact was so hard; she bounced right off & landed on her bum!!
Oh that cry!! I thought it was bad when she lost the balloon!!! This was much
worse!!

Thankfully she wasn’t badly injured & we knew she was okay when she
asked between sobs if she could still go swimming!!

Just minutes afterwards

That night

The next morning

The day after

One of our best days this summer was at the Cactus Festival…I’m not sure
why it’s called the Cactus Festival; I didn’t see any cacti but we sure had
fun!

We went to a water park for my company picnic this year & Elena got
to try Mini Putting for the first time! We made it a good 7 holes & that
was enough! Lol! I couldn’t convince her to use the club correctly. I mean,
she’s played hockey, sort of…we’ll try again next year!

It was an amazing summer! I can hardly believe it’s already September!
Everything feels like it’s in fast forward!

And now today is Elena’s Half-Birthday! I wanted to get her something
special & fun but wracking my brain, I couldn’t think of anything…until…

Let me tell you something about my girl. She LOVES to go to the mall!
She is the ultimate window shopper & it’s a great way to spend a rainy,
cool day. She makes me so proud that we can go into any store, including The
Disney Store, & not have her asking for a single thing & when I say it’s
time to go she does so with a wave good bye! What is hilarious is, when I agree
to go, she insists on dressing up!

We have 2 fancy dresses that were handed down to us & Elena loves to
dress up in them. She calls them her twirly dresses. When I was off on Tuesday,
I was in the next town over from mine for some errands & had a brainwave!!
This town is a bit higher class & has an amazing second hand children’s
clothing store…I went in & hit pay dirt! I found these 2 gorgeous twirly
dresses for just $6.50 each!

But the biggest score was this beautiful princess dress…including Tiara
for just $20!!

Elena was overjoyed!!! She couldn’t have been happier with her half
birthday present!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

I took yesterday off work so I could take Elena to her 1st day of school, a tradition I want to continue for as long as she'll allow me. She's still in preschool but will be going 4 mornings a week this year to help get her better prepared for kindergarten next September﻿.

I can't wait to see what this school year brings! Elena is blossoming into such an entertaining little girl & with her language explosion (must post about this!) it is amazing to see her personality emerge. She is such a clever, witty child!

Outside our house with her backpack.
Doesn't she look like she could be
going to kindergarten!!

About Me

This is the story of a girl who had the fairy tale dream of meeting a Prince Charming, getting married & having a house full of children. Instead of Mr Right, I met DR. RE & found Mr. Anonymous Sperm Donor...Even though the Once Upon a Time didn't quite work out as expected there's still a Happily Ever After...Follow me along as I navigate life as a Single Mom by Choice (SMC).