Piotrowski: Broken work relationships don't need to stay broken

Nov. 17, 2012

Written by

Katy Piotrowski

On the Job

It’s happened to most of us: We get the feeling that someone is trying to undermine our work, and we stop trusting them. From then on, working together becomes increasingly difficult.

But Fort Collins business culture expert Kris Boesch with Choose People says a damaged work relationship doesn’t need to stay broken. These tips can help swing that relationship back into good standing.

Line up an unbiased third party to help work through the problem. Ideally you want someone who doesn’t have goals tied to either person, has no preconceived opinions about what’s transpired, and has high emotional intelligence. An outside resource may be best.

Lead the conversation with a statement that sets the tone and get agreement on the need to resolve the issues: “Your company cares about both of you. Your manager asked me to work with you because it’s obvious that you’re not getting along, and we need the team to work productively together. Would you both agree that you want to enjoy working together?”

Lay ground rules: Be kind, candid and constructive, and come from a place of curiosity, as in, “What is causing this person to act this way?” Also ask them to begin by sharing what they appreciate about each other.

Take turns having them explain why they’re frustrated and why they believe the relationship isn’t working. The facilitator will ensure that each person is heard and understood, using effective reflective listening skills.

“At this point, most people are moving toward resolution,” Boesch said. “If you don’t see that happening, remind them that improvements need to happen and ask what solutions they have to offer.”

Boesch has even stepped out of the room when things get stuck, allowing disgruntled team members to work toward solving things on their own.

The goal is to come up with specific actions that will lead to improvements. One struggling manager and employee agreed to sit down together for 30 minutes a week to review needs and questions, and they started monitoring their tone to be more respectful when communicating.

Being undermined? Maybe. Or maybe there are some misunderstandings that need to be cleared up.

Katy Piotrowski, M.Ed., is the author of “The Career Coward’s Guides” and provides career and job search support with Career Solutions Group in Fort Collins. Reach her at (970) 224-4042 or katy@careersolutions