Boat Trip (2003)

March 21, 2003

FILM IN REVIEW; 'Boat Trip'

By ELVIS MITCHELL

Published: March 21, 2003

Directed by Mort Nathan
R, 95 minutes

Whom do you feel sorrier for, the cast of ''Boat Trip'' or their children? Remember, kids can be very cruel -- and this latest ''get Cuba Gooding Jr. career counseling fast'' project is a misfire from beginning to end.

Mr. Gooding plays Jerry, who is in mourning over the breakup of his relationship with Felicia (Vivica A. Fox). The barking hound-dog Nick (Horatio Sanz) talks Jerry into joining him on a singles cruise, but the travel agent they anger gets his revenge by booking the pair on a gay singles cruise. ''Boat Trip'' goes down faster than the Titanic and is far more deserving of its fate.

The junior Gooding has shown himself to be a game actor, and he is fearless at throwing his entire being into pictures that seem to exist to prove that he can be in something worse than the last movie you saw him in. If ''Boat Trip'' were screened on a cruise ship, most of the passengers would be dog-paddling back to shore.

''Boat Trip'' is more tiresome and dumb than actually bad. A scant 10 minutes or so after Mr. Sanz has wrung every exasperated take out of his surprise at being on a gay cruise -- and still goes on with it anyway -- the movie introduces something that could only pass as a subplot to people stranded at sea. The Swedish women's suntanning team joins the cruise, giving Nick another reason to pop his eyes wide open. And another reason to flinch -- he is kept at bay from the brown-and-serve cuties by the authoritarian tanning team captain, Sonya (Lin Shaye, in another of her grim-visaged roles). When Nick isn't being chased off by Sonya, he is being stalked by an aged gay pursuer, Lloyd (Roger Moore).

Jerry finds his own heartthrob on board: the ship's dance instructor, Gabriella (Roselyn Sanchez), a straight woman who is working a gay cruise to put some distance between herself and lying hetero men. What happens between the two of them is as predictable as the never-ending phallic jokes -- a surfeit of single-entendres -- that are festooned across the boat decks by the director, Mort Nathan. The legend ''A Mort Nathan Film'' got one of the biggest laughs at the depressed screening I attended.

Between Mr. Gooding's relentless energy and Mr. Sanz's impish gleam -- he may be the only heavyset ''Saturday Night Live'' cast member whose comic approach isn't inspired by self-hatred -- they have the potential to make a likable comedy team. But it's unlikely anyone would pair them again after ''Boat Trip'': the foreign film Oscar nominee from the Netherlands will enjoy bigger box-office returns than this picture.

Probably the next time we see Mr. Gooding on screen, he'll be getting a stern lecture on learning to love himself from Dr. Phil.

''Boat Trip'' is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). It has strong language, more unwieldy sex gags than can be found in the collected ''Playboy Party Jokes,'' and drug and alcohol consumption. ELVIS MITCHELL