My quirky views on life, love and parenthood!

Archive for the tag “sex”

When you are bigger it can be impossible to get clothes for that special night. We see lots of ads for lingerie but when we go to store or look at the fine print we notice something…they don’t have our size! So for those that want to look and feel sexy without spending a ton of money or having to enter a sex shop, here are 5 alternatives.

Do you want a baby so bad it hurts? I have wanted children for many years now. When I was young they told me I had endometriosis, then in my late teens and throughout my twenties I had three ovarian cysts that burst. So over the years I have done research and what I gathered from doctors and journals and articles is that these problems can make me infertile.

In 2006 I was given a miracle. I met and married my husband who came with three children. So even though I didn’t bear them I have had the opportunity to be a mother. Over the last six years I have learned many things. Now our youngest is 6 and is just finishing up kindergarten. Some days I swear she is 6 going on 16 but we deal with things as they come.

Recently I had to get a new OBGYN since mine had retired. My first visit was rather scary, I had found a lump in my breast. But after tests, and a biopsy they found that it was a fibroadenoma and not cancer. Now while I saw my new doctor I stated that I had previously been told that I could not get pregnant. She looked and me and said “…I don’t know about that, let’s talk, I deal with infertility regularly. So as the stress has subsided I have began thinking, it is possible that I could get pregnant? Is there hope? I had long been resigned to the fact that I would have no children of my own. Now don’t get me wrong I love the children that I have, and wouldn’t trade them for the world. But, I would like to add to our family.

So now I have become a little crazed at the idea of getting pregnant. So I went and talked to my regular doctor and made sure that there wasn’t anything I was taking that would hurt the baby.

Now the moment of truth came Monday I saw my OBGYN again. This time to specifically talk about getting pregnant! I’m so nervous I can’t even breath, oh that’s helpful! So she came in and we talked about my history and my husbands history. So now that the meeting is over I have lots of homework and I have to see her again in a couple months. So this is a first for me, but now each morning before I get out of bed I have to take my temperature, and then log it. Plus I have to go get one of those ovulation kits to see when I am ovulating. Did you know that there is like a two day window a month you can even get pregnant? Plus I have to send my husband in so he can have a semen analysis done. Oh, he is thrilled lol.

The hardest thing for me to hear was that because of my size I would be considered a high risk pregnancy. So her first recommendation to me is to loose about 100 pounds. At that point I will just be obese not morbidly obese. Wow, I put on a brave face and said “OK, I can do that”. Then I walked out of the office in a bit of a daze. I was supposed to talk to my husband after the appointment but I couldn’t. I had to think through this first. My first thought was oh great I have failed again. But as I took a moment and prayed I began to get alittle perspective. I am 34, I am able to move around and work and I can do this! Of course what do emotional eaters do when they are stressed and depressed and feel all alone. They eat! So I ate! Not my finest moment!

Last night as I waited for my husband to get home I made dinner. I made chicken divan, one of my favorite dishes. Lol, not the lowest calorie meal I could come up with. More like comfort food in a bowl.

At last my husband came home exhausted, hungry and not real talkative. So after a kiss and how was your day…I began to talk about my meeting with the doctor. My recap to him was ” I have lots of homework but I have to loose weight, right now I am a really high risk”. Now my husband who loves me no matter the size I am pauses and says “yeah, it probably is safer for you and the baby is you lost some weight”. I think at that moment I cringed a little inside. I knew he was right and I have been battling that all day, but if I want to do this I am going to have to push myself. So this is a test…how badly do I want a baby? Now the best thing about my conversation with my husband last night is that he agreed to loose weight with me. You are so much better with a support system than by yourself.

Now last night I felt sorry for myself and I ate to much and I pouted. But this morning it has been a different story. I woke up early, I stretched, I did twists and light movements this morning. Even though it was only for 20 minutes it is a start. This evening when I get home I will also get my buns on my stationary bike and ride. My plan is to exercise each day. It will take me awhile but I will reach my goal. My family has always said I can accomplish anything because I am so pig headed lol.

My second struggle is my eating habits. I love food and I have the ability to consume alot. So I am working at documenting my food and exercise at a site I enjoy. If you want to join and be my partner in loosing weight look me up username “asan4rd”. I figure we can all use the company and encouragement.

Now I know there are many who suffer from infertility but there is hope. If you have been like me and just let nature takes it course it may be time to find out more. Check with your OBGYN and ask what you can do to try and get pregnant. If your doctor feels that you are healthy enough for pregnancy you may want to find out more. It is important that we take care of ourselves first. Get on a prenatal vitamin, exercise regularly and above all else don’t forget to practice!

As I continue on my journey I will happily share my ups, downs, failures and struggles!

Premarital sex is a touchy subject. Especially when you are a Christian, a parent, a wife, and you deal with the youth. I know that many parents wholeheartedly believe in abstinence, I agree it is very important. Growing up in a Christian home it was taught that you waited until you got married before you had sex. Unfortunately, for many parents if sex is a touchy subject, your children will not come to you when they have questions. This lack of communication causes your children to go look for answers elsewhere, or not at all. Being naive is so dangerous for our kids and doesn’t solve any problems.

So, I have a few suggestions to the parents of teenagers, boys and girls alike. I know that my kids are not at that age yet but I have already been asked questions from teens.

Get over Yourself

I think that parents hate talking about sex because it makes them uncomfortable. Get Over It! You are not going to do anyone any good if you can’t face the fact that your baby is growing up. This is part of being a parent and it is your job to be the go to person. This topic is not about you, but you need to be willing to answer your child’s questions. Take it slow but spell things out.

Be Honest

Please do not use the birds and the bees. You need to use actual body parts by their names such as a vagina or penis. This is not a Johnson or other crude words to describe your body. If you don’t know the answer be honest about that too. We all have horror stories about how our friends, family and even parents told us what sex was. Like “when you eat a watermelon seed it grows a baby in your tummy”. Whatever the story is make sure that it is not absurd. Your children don’t usually understand metaphors and will take you literally. So be careful what you say. If your child approaches you and says they have questions, you may need to take a few moments to compose yourself in what you are going to tell them. Don’t dismiss them or avoid the conversation, it needs to happen! And please don’t leave it to our school system to educate your kids on sex.

Fess up if You made Mistakes

We know we’re not saints! Most of us have made mistakes in one way or another. Don’t try to hide it, you will eventually be found out. When your children learn that you lied to them, then understand that your credibility is shot. So if you made a mistake that’s ok. You don’t have to go into detail; but, don’t think you are going to hide it from your kids. We all want to protect our children from making the same mistakes that we did. Understand that when you can face the fact that you made mistakes, then when your kids do it it’s not quite so hard to forgive them.

Answer questions using medical terminology

Again, use medical terminology that is easy to understand. One suggestion to parents is do your research ahead of time. There are many books and sites out there that can help you talk to your kids about sex.

Tactics

Don’t try to use fear or guilt to try to keep your kids from having sex. I think it is important to educate our kids. What is God’s purpose for sex? What is the importance of sex? What is the importance of finding the right person? What is love? Open communication is so important. Now, I know this is difficult. Our kids treat us like we know nothing and act like they are not listening. Even when they don’t act like they are listening they are. It is your job to educate and talk to them, even if you have to say it a 100 times.

Protection

How do we protect our kids? We arm them. We arm them with knowledge and with the skills to handle life situations. If we treat them like babies then we are setting them up for failure. When you say the words “No matter what, you can talk to me” it is your actions not your words that will make that statement true. So when crap happens if you tend to get mad first and start yelling I will tell you that your child will not come to you when they really mess up. So be prepared and you may need to start working on your own issues before you deal with your children.

Dating

In each household the matter of dating is different. If you want them to wait I understand that; however, you might want to let your kids have some input. Talk about options such as group dates and having friends over at your house. Just because you tell them NO doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to like someone. If you don’t give them an opportunity to talk, without you judging then, you are just going to be left out of the loop. You are going to make keeping secrets a must. Now doesn’t that seem like a recipe for disaster?

Listen

I know that as parents we have strong feelings and ideas about lots of stuff. Make sure that before you start going off on your soap box, you pause. Listen to what your child has to say. I would recommend that you have a one on one conversation and not do this in public. I would also suggest that you not try to use humor to lighten the mood. Sometimes it can come off really bad. Give your child an opportunity to talk to you about whatever is on their mind and really listen. Each child is different so what worked on one will not necessarily work on the next. As we learned in school “you have two ears and one mouth, so you need to listen twice as hard as you talk”.

Forgive

When they make mistakes forgive them, and yourself. Our children will make decisions even after we have given them all the tools. I am not saying that I condone premarital sex, but I do realize that everyone makes mistakes and no matter how hurt we are our child is responsible to God for their decisions. We don’t have to understand why but they are still our children and it is our job to love them.

Communicate

Above all, keep the communication alive and flowing between you and your children. Do not be so set in your ways that they can’t come to you. Educate your child not only about sex, pregnancy and STD’s but also about people. Many young people do not fully understand that others will take advantage of their need for approval and love. They do not understand that there are those out there who know all the right things to say just to get them into bed. This is not only for the girls out there but also our boys. You have to pick your battles but it is so important that we keep arming our kids so they can make good decisions even when we are not there.

Now I know that there are those out there who will disagree with my statements and that is OK. I still look forward to you comments.