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Wednesday, 11 June 2014

I've never realised how complicated and freakin' dangerous dieting is, until now

Up until this week, I always just assumed that to diet well you just needed to cut back on what you ate. I thought it was simply all about the calories, and as long as I didn't go over the allocated amount, I was officially losing weight.

To be fair, I was actually losing weight when I thought this, so I guess there's some truth in it, but apparently that will only take you so far before your weight plateaus and you need to start to get more creative.

It's no secret that I have been attending the gym lately. I'm nothing if not an obsessive girl, and this is my new obsession. I have been every day since last Wednesday, with the exception of Sunday. Last night I was set up with a cardio work out that lasts a couple of hours, and I was fully accepting of it. When someone gives me a set structure to abide by, I thrive. I work it into my own routine and I can do it until the cows come home. (Mental note: Come back to that phrase another time to fully explore why it is that cows coming home is an applicable metaphor for this sentence.)

What has completely flummoxed me however is the diet side. I do not understand that part of this whole 'losing weight' thing at all. You see, I found out last night that I wasn't eating enough calories but I also needed to be cutting down on the food that I was eating although I needed to eat more, just less of what it was... this cycle of conversation went on for quite a while with my trainer as I tried to get my head around it, and even longer with my work colleague today. However, after hours of feeling my brain smack itself against a brick wall, I think I've managed to work it out.

Basically, I need to be eating 1200 to 1400 calories a day in my diet. Anything under 1000 calories eaten will mean that the exercising will start to eat away at bits of my body that isn't fat as it won't have any of the correct things to eat away at. This will, apparently, result in my body weight plateauing and no weight loss happening. All well and good, except that I always thought I was eating well, but it turns out that I'm lucky to be consuming 800 calories a day, let alone 1200. Initially, this sounded like awesome news, as I do love me my food so maybe this meant I could go back to eating some of my old food favourites.

However, before I could get the word 'Mac' out after I uttered 'Big' I was given the most appalled look in the world. Apparently this was not an excuse to eat any food I'd like. This was an instruction to make sure that I ate better food. When I mentioned what it was that I was currently eating, I was told off once again. (Last night, there was a lot of resigned shaking of heads coming from my new trainer.) I had far too many carbs in my diet, although not enough food. This was about the time that my brain stopped working. And then when he began on the fact that I needed to buy steamers and food processors for the food I should be eating, I became light headed. I do not have the money to be spending on fancy tools for eating food. I have since learnt that I am able to buy high protein food without restocking my kitchen with gadgets and machines, and do this fairly cheaply as well.

I have the beginnings of a possible diet forming in my head, thanks to further explanations and help from my work colleague and Oldest-Friend-Cafrin, who went through this whole thing last year. But I am ultimately facing two massive changes/problems.

1. I need to find a way to add calories to my diet in a way that won't involve spending more money that I currently am on food.
2. I need to find a way of doing this with food that's good for me, which means that it's going to be lower in calories so I will have to eat even more of it in the day to make the calories up.

In summary, I have to find a way to eat more than I want to and not have it be fatty at all. Why are our bodies so complicated? WHY???
Also, salad without any mayo or dressing is the most depressing meal of my day, which is annoying as the dressing/mayo would have upped my calories to closer to where I need them to be for today, which would have been ideal except the diet police say that's wrong... you see the problem I'm having trying to get my brain around this?

It's actually got to a point where I'm terrified of eating anything. What if it has just a little bit too much carbohydrates? What if I eat it and don't reach my protein quota? I don't want my exercise to cause my body to start eating itself instead of the unwanted fat in it. And we all know that I'm an amateur cannibal as well as my body having a mind of it's own, therefore it will not need much convincing to go this way. What if, by cooking a pork chop the wrong way, I lose out on protein and then my body accidentally eats my heart? Don't look at me like I'm crazy! I was told that the body starts eating the muscles when there's not enough calories to work on, the heart is the most juiciest muscle in there! Of course my body is going to go for that first! Why do I feel like I'm dicing with death every day I try to lose weight? WHY WOULD ANYONE SAY THAT THIS IS GOOD FOR YOU??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaand I've officially worked myself up into a frenzy now. Excuse me while I go and calm me down.