Well, remember that hawg died to please you. It deserves some respect. But mainly, barbecuing is an excuse to sit around a suburban campfire (your grill), consume beer and talk about all the freakin’ good barbecue you’ve eaten.

Pity the poor cook. This is his or her barbecue debut, first time before a live audience. The terror is magnified by the alcohol. The grill won’t light.

OK, Plan B: Pray that Kennedy Barbecue is open.

Let’s fast forward a decade. You’re now mature enough to realize experience beats education every time. You’re not going to any more barbecue lectures and cannot stand another bite of Bobby Flay.

You’re out there with confidence, juggling chicken breasts on the burner, keeping an eye out for the telltale signs of doneness or lack thereof.

You plate your hawg and bird, stand back and watch faces disappear behind the meat. If they lick their fingers, you’ve arrived, a cattywampus barbecue cook. Your rapture level soars. It’s a home run in the ninth inning with the bases juiced. You may be bad at everything else, but if you’re good at barbecue, you’re going to heaven.

The inexperienced nuss the meat, a combination of fussing and nursing it at the same time. The key to barbecue is not how often you flip it, it’s knowing when to flip it and only do it once.

I’ve had fruity barbecue, whiskey barbecue and citrus barbecue -- all lamentable. The inexperienced search for the magic sauce that solves all problems. It has to be the sauce, right? Well, not exactly. Sauce is good, but we’re cooking meat, not sauce. Smothering good meat with an aggressive sauce is a crime in some states.

Remember the extras. Sometimes we get so busy nussing the hawg that we forget the fixins.

Most important: Relax already. If the cook is not having a good time, nobody is.

Chillin' for a grillin': A barbecue glossary

Grilling: In the Americas, cooking above heat. In Europe, cooking below heat. In Australia, cooking down under heat.

Hawg: A porcine that gives his life for our pleasure, also a grill brush made from hawg bristles.

Simmer the above for 10 minutes. Cool and pour into a food plastic bag. Add four washed chicken breasts and marinade at least three hours in the refrigerator. Barbecue over gray coals about 20 minutes per side, depending on fire.

Pierce potatoes with a fork and bake for an hour at 350 degrees. Remove and cool slightly, then slice in half widthwise. Scoop out each shell and place potato in a bowl. Add butter, sour cream, , chives or parsley, milk and salt and pepper. Mix with a potato masher and mound up in each skin. Top with cheese and paprika. Bake 30 minutes at 350 degrees or until potatoes are rewarmed and the cheese is melted.

Serves 4.

Canton Repository

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