American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi got wasted on pot brownies (or maybe shroom brownies?) at Paula Abdul's house: "There were these, little nuggets, little, you know, take six, not a lot. Six hours later I was like, 'heeeey, what's going on?' I fell out of bed, on the floor, I stumbled downstairs and I was like, 'I ate too much.' And the ambulance comes and is like, 'this bitch is as high as a kite.'"

She says she "almost died" because she "had six" brownies, which the maid accidentally gave to her while Paula was away, and ended up spending three days in the hospital, hallucinating and on an IV drip. What the hell kind of ingestible causes three-day near-death hallucinations, and where can I procure it, please? Also: This answers a lot of questions about Paula Abdul's mental state, doesn't it? [CNN, image via Getty]

NippleliberationadvocateLindsay Lohan has begun her house arrest, and is now wearing an electronic ankle bracelet. And you know how good she is with those! (This one won't monitor for booze, though.) LiLo is still allowed to leave her house, for her court-mandated community service. [People]

The child services investigation into Mariah Carey is complete. Verdict: No worse than all those other moms. Little Moroccan and wee Monroe will not be removed from Mimi's custody. [TMZ]

Following a titillated shock at an obvious blind item pegging him as the father of January Jones' unborn child, X-Men director and Claudia Schiffer husband Matthew Vaughn called in his lawyers and called the claim an "absolute lie." [P6]

A newly divorced Bobby Kennedy went to a party and acted relationship-y with comedienne Cheryl Hines: "He hugged her and had his hand on her back at one point and kept introducing her to people." Hmm. [P6]

Lars von Trier explains his trainwreck Nazi press conference: "I was in a good mood, and I felt everything was going well, and I couldn't stop it. I was saying terrible things, like driving a car and going around a curve, and it was stupid, and I was very sorry." He's mad at the Cannes Film Festival for banning him: "Will now the festival only choose people who won't say stupid things at press conferences? If a real criminal came up with a real art film, should he not get the Palme D'or?" Pro-Polanski, I see. [HuffPost]

Some British tabloid I've never heard of thinks Rihanna and Chris Brown are back on. "She's trying to find a way to take him back publicly without letting down her supporters, her management, and her friends or setting a bad example." [NowUK]

Wrestler and 1 Night in China porn star Chyna is returning to the flesh trade with a forthcoming DVD called Backdoor to Chyna. It's mostly about the U.S.-China trade deficit, with maybe a little DP action, too. [NYDN]