On Thursday he made a single chip butty and fed a multitude of Lancastrians. On Saturday he strode across the Calder and waltzed down the Brun. On Sunday he heeled a leper, then realised he was supposed to be a messiah not some prank-playing cobbler so took back the stilettos and healed the poor leper instead. On Monday he completed his resurrection of Burnley. And today, despite a declaration of loyalty to his flock, Owen Coyle is being linked with the vacant managerial positions at Celtic, Sunderland and Portsmouth.

What? Oh yeah, Portsmouth won't be keeping Paul Hart, see. At least that's the word on the street. Any suspicions you might have that the street in question is Bullshit Boulevard may intensify when the Mill reveals that Celtic's No1 choice is Luiz Felipe Scolari (though Gordon Strachan has recommended Motherwell's Mark McGhee). And Sunderland's is Gary Megson.

Other names are in the frame too, of course, but you can probably guess all of those: you know, all your Curbishleys, O'Learys, Bilics, Hoddles, Venableses and Sounesseseseseseses. Hang on, Souness for Celtic? Yes please!

And now, much as it may disappoint readers such as Jose Mourinho, let's turn our attention to the players. There's a rumour going around that Manchester City will spend the summer wearing nothing but flashy Speedos, a gigantic wallet and a rip-me-off-please smile. And where else would someone with lots of money and little discernment go but Tottenham Hotspur? Roman Pavlyuchenko and David Bentley aren't considered good enough for a team that finished above City, and, as Wayne Bridge, Shaun Wright-Phillips and Craig Bellamy might confirm, that's good enough for Mark Hughes.

Some still insist the writing's on the wall for Hughes and the Welshman will do nothing to banish that cant by bringing in Wolfsburg striker Grafite. Though when he finds out the Brazilian is, well, Brazilian, Hughes may be tempted to let Stoke and Bolton duke it out for the striker's services instead. In which case, like Arsène Wenger and Harry Redknapp, he will turn his attention to Toulouse hitman André-Pierre Gignac.

Rafael Benítez, meanwhile, will renew his inexplicable pursuit of Gareth Barry, though Hughes wants in on that too. Benítez, more reasonably, will also join Wenger in attempting to find a way to convince Bordeaux to complete the signing of the magical Yoann Gourcuff from Milan and then sell him straight on to their Champions League rivals. That could involve a record transfer fee. But it might just leave enough money for Benítez to mount a rescue operation for Jonas Gutierrez.