absolutely gorgeous chapter image by Cosmic Muffin @ tda!
"Hi, I'm Phoebe and I'll be your waitress for tonight." I gave them my best smile and tucked my hair behind my ear. The old woman glared at me and I resisted the urge to stick my middle finger up and tell her where to shove it.

The lady sniffed pretentiously and said in an extremely posh voice, "We have been sitting here for three minutes. I expect better service as a regular."

Oh honey, I know you're a regular. All of us have turns in taking your table. No, actually, we have a roster. It's called 'WHO'S TAKING THE CRAZY LADY?'

I put a hand over my heart and said in an 'honest' tone, "I am so sorry ma'am, it won't happen again. Now, did you want to order now, or did you need some time?" I knew she didn't need time, she ordered the same bloody thing every Thursday. Bruschetta as an entree, tomato soup as her main and a tomato salad. The lady was bloody obsessed with tomatoes. It was freaky.

She sniffed again and shook her head, "No, I know what I want but thank you for asking. I will have... " she rattled off her usual order. Including the exact instructions on how to cook it but I tuned out. The chef's always prepare it early in the day and as soon as it hits 7:30 on the dot, they start cooking because this lady had some form of severe OCD. When she was done, I smiled and repeated her order back to her. She sniffed again - I so desperately wanted to hand her a tissue - and nodded.

I turned to the old man and asked in a sugar-sweet voice, "And sir? What would you like to eat today?" He smiled toothily at me and asked for a steak. He was such a kind old man and he was stuck with this old hag forever. He must have had so much patience. I smiled at the both of them and headed to the kitchens.

"CRAZY LADY HAS ARRIVED! And her husband ordered a steak so I'd chop-chop," I laughed at my own joke as the chef, Gary, rolled his eyes.

"Really Bee? 'Chop-chop'? That has got to be the worst joke on the face of the earth."

I stuck my tongue out at him, "You're just jealous of my joke-telling abilities. Don't try and deny it."

He nodded and fell to his knees. "Oh, Phoebe Sandhurst! I wish I had your talent! I'm so jealous it's oozing out of me! Please teach me your ways!" he burst into fake tears so I knelt down beside him.

He snorted and got off the ground, "I doubt she'd eat your head, it doesn't have tomatoes."

"True," I laughed.

He grinned at me and started Crazy Lady's food. "You need to serve other people."

I shook my head. "Nup. Every other table's been taken care of," I grinned and danced around him singing, "So you get to stay with meeeeeeee!"

"Oh Merlin," he got one of the big butcher knives and pretended to stab himself with it. I shoved him slightly and he immediately scolded me. "Phoebe! You know pushing is not a nice thing to do! What would have happened if I had fallen in the soup and died, huh?"

I gave him a cheeky grin, "The world would be a happier place."

He scowled and shook the knife at me, "That's not very-"

"Gary! What do you think you're doing?! Stop threatening the waitresses and get back to cooking!" Ah, the shrill voice of my bitchy boss. Because she was the manager of this crappy place and has a laminated- I know! Laminated! - name tag with the word 'Manager' underneath it, she acted like the supreme ruler of the universe.

I snickered, "Yeah Gary! You could seriously endanger me with that! You should be ashamed!" He scowled at me and I blew a kiss back. He pretended to dodge it and McBitchyFace tutted.

"Now, if you have finished acting like children, I need you to finish cooking - " she looked at Gary and when he saluted, she pointed to me, "And you, get back outside and help out with the tables."

I shook my head, "Sorry McOwens, after the Crazy Lady, I have to get going remember? That's why I'm waiting out here."

She sighed and pleaded with me, "Can't you stay an extra hour?"

I shook my head, "Sorry, I really can't. My friend is planning something and I can't miss it. Sorry," I pulled a sympathetic face and she stalked out the kitchen. When she left, I turned back to Gary.

"What's Ellie planning?"

I shrugged and told him, "I have no idea. She texted me saying 'WHEN YOU FINISH WORK YOU GET YOUR FINE ARSE OVER TO MY PLACE RIGHT AWAY'. When I texted her why, she never replied."

He laughed, "Only Ellie. Here's the Crazy Lady's food. I BANISH YOU NOW!"

I curtseyed and took her food out all at once. Another crazy thing is she likes all the food to be taken out at the same time. Even the entree. When I put it in front of her I smiled and said sweetly, "Enjoy your meal."

I started to leave but no. She had to ask me some questions.

"Did the usual chef make this?" Sniff.

"Yes."

"Did he mistreat it in anyway?" Sniff.

"No."

"Did he cook it at perfect 180 degrees?" Sniff.

I HAVE NO IDEA! WHY DON'T YOU GO CHECK FOR YOUR SELF?! AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, GET A BLEEDING TISSUE!

"...Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now leave," she shooed me off and I desperately wanted to pour the soup on her grey head.

But no, because I am a good samaritan and I don't pour tomato soup on old ladies heads.

When she finished at eight on the dot I gave her the cheque and she left soon after. I quickly grabbed my purse and gave Gary a quick peck on the cheek. I waved at the others and as soon as I was in the apparation safe spot, I turned on the spot to my apartment.

When my head stopped spinning, I saw my ex waiting on the couch.

"Oi, why are you in my apartment?" I'm such a charmer.

Cameron turned around, "I couldn't seem to find my work robes and I was wondering if they were here. Don't get so defensive Phoebe."

I narrowed my eyes and spat, "I can get defensive all I like thank you very much!"

He rolled his eyes, "Whatever. I'm not arguing with you. Have you seen my robes or not?"

"No idea," I lied breezily.

As soon as Cameron dumped me for some orange skank, Ellie came over and we got very drunk. She then came up with the bright idea to burn everything he had left behind. Including his work robes.

"Oh, well if you see them could you please send them back to me? My other ones need to be washed."

I nodded, "Yeah, yeah. Now get out."

"Look can't you just forgive me? I feel awful about it!" Cameron pleaded.

I cocked my head to the side, "Forgive you? You actually want me to forgive you?" he nodded, "Well you should have thought of that before you went and shagged that tart. One time or not, you still cheated on me and I don't take cheaters nicely."

Cameron sighed, "I'm sorry I hurt you Phoebe."

"That's a load of hippogriff dung and you know it. Now get out of my apartment."

Ellie coughed pointedly, "AND YOU TOO BABE!" I wrapped her in a massive hug, "Congratulations sweetie!"

She beamed up at me and asked, "I was wondering... whether you wanted to be my maid of honour?"

My eyes went wide, "Really?" she nodded, "OF COURSE I WILL BE!" I squeezed the death out of her again.

Ellie grinned at me again, "We're all going out to the Snitch to celebrate. You in?"

"Of course!" I scoffed, "I'll just get changed and meet you there?"

"Sure thing. Everyone's meeting at nine, so you have an hour. Toodaloo!" she twinkled her fingers at me.

I waved back and turned on the spot back to my apartment. Oh how I love apparition.

I ran to my room and got in a short blue dress. I let my bright red hair out of its braid, admiring the way it waved slightly for once. I put some eye-shadow on and added some lip gloss. I smacked my lips together and saw with dismay, my hair had already dropped. I sighed and left it. It was no use; I've used every potion and spell to get it to wave slightly but no.

I fluffed it a bit and searched for some shoes. I finally settled on some white pumps. I added some jewellery, grabbed a bag that matched the shoes, and disapparated on the spot.

When I walked in, Ellie growled, "Bee, what time is it?"

"Er... ten past nine?"

"Yes. And what time did I tell you to be here?"

"Ellie! I'm ten minutes late! It's not a big deal; you look fantastic by the way! New dress?" I tried changing the subject.