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Monday, March 9, 2009

share self-f0rglveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chew myself within myself because of suppressed expressions.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chew myself literally within my mouth because of manifesting eating myself because of the manifestation of self-digesting.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chew my mouth inside, sometimes on the left side, sometimes on the right side when I am judging myself because of suppressed self-definitions, because of suppressed self-defeat, because of self-doubt, because of manifested expression of continous thinking.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as defeated based on events towards me by others by taking these events personally, instead of realizing that these beings are showing their nature to me and not specially for me, only I was 'just' here and I have accepted and allowed it to happen instead of standing up and acting immediately.I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am eating my mouth inside with my teeth to cause a scar inside to make hurt myself and to feel the blood because the accepted and allowed mind work manifests within and as my human physical body - until I stop - stop participating within self-doubt, self-defeat, self-judgement, self-defeat.I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust me within me as me as breath as me, as moment as me within oneness and equality as all as one as equal as life.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my human physical body by expressing my stress in my positions, hand/feet poses, by not realizing that these expressions are the geometrical manifestations of my accepted and allowed mind-participations and are abusing the body by posing within unpleasant positions.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my physical body postures instead of trusting me here as breath as expression without any definition.I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am here as breath as moment, and slipping away for moments by participation in the 'jack in the box' memory popups. These moments are the keys to direct myself and be self-honest about to explore the why(as the situation what made me to react to 'slip away' from here, and the actual 'slipping' about to see the whole 'scenario' exactly as it is: to realize the schemas within my expression to be able to see the core and apply self-forgiveness and stop participate within memory in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to dare myself to explore that who I really am by hugging illusionaric mind-bullshit about who I am by idealizing and keeping up definintions about who I am - instead of realizing the trap of myself as self-defined, self-contained, self-centered experience of my manifested, compounded dishonesty.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to direct myself by 'letting go' the moment by trusting within the existence, because of I have allowed to define that 'I always get back the control, even when I give up and I just flow' - instead of realizing that these moments are the self-giving up-s when I want to escape from self-directiveness because of trying to avoid self-responsibility and even trusting within the system about 'it will make what I want anyway' - and this is separation - this is the actual proof of the participation of self-doubt, self-dishonesty. I stop this, I trust me and I stop to escape from awareness by defining it too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define awareness as too much, as unbearable intense, instead of moving myself trough my limitations and actually allowing myself to explore what is here - basically by letting everything go and stabilize self-presence as breath.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within plants and chemicals and drugs instead of trusting me within me as me as breath here.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge spirituals or any other beings, instead of instantly being aware and intimated about the actual mind-participation to realize that I accept this within me towards me, so I stop by applying self-forgiveness and stop judging beings, myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath naturally just because a human is very close to me and I defined to avoidable to breath naturally deeply, because then the being would sense the air.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become embarrassed because of the near presence of another human to trigger to not breath naturally.I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to wake up in the morning as moment as me, as breath as me.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aroused when seeing sexual content, such as naked woman or hearing beings speaking about sex or orgasm. Realize that I am becoming aroused by the attached memory of the words - so I am not hearing the word as sound, but I hear my own memory triggered by the words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe or think or broadcast that I am weaker after I have sex - instead of realizing that I am defining myself and my energy and my strength by my suppressed emotions and amount of thinking and depression and anger - and when it is released, I am loosing my motivation.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being motivated by suppression, by emotion, by anger, by depression - instead of realizing that these are of the past - and as I am defining myself by the past - I am still holding these systematic packages as who I am to defend myself from what is here - from what I have accepted and allowed to manifest within this existence - as one as equal as who I became within and as me.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from having sex with a woman because of the mind-fragment-replacements and mind-rejuvenartion and all of this bullshit what I have experienced in the past with different girls.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself special by defining that if I have sex with a girl then she will get mad because of the intense mind-energy what I release and my attitude towards the existence about actually how I experience myself within this reality.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define too much for other beings that as I am commited to self-realization and throw away anything and everything to be able to face what is really here.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be responsible for other being, especially for those who I have or had sex with.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define what is sex and what is not, instead of just being moment as me as breath as me.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress sexual desire instead of being self-intimated and realize that I am desiring for being whole, for being myself, for being totally unified here and by hoping that I could find this within sexual expression with other beings, such as girls, women, then I rather would tend to seek sex instead of realizing that giving up desire is the common sense to be here who I am within and as the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change my world instead of realizing that this is already here, I can not change it, I have to face it as me as one as equal, but changing myself will change everything around me if I stabilize myself as moment as inner silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scratch my head, the skin on my head under my hair - as I am scratching my mind to access specific mind-memory areas to react specifically to the actual situations, instead of being aware of the situation, applying self-forgiveness and actually stop and remain inner silent as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a lot of money to be able to buy many musical instruments and being able to fly to SA instead of trusting me here and working and actually physically manifesting this to be able to explore.I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that when I want money, I want to escape from what is here, from where I am - instead of realizing the actual situation and directing it as me as one as equal here.

So this is actually possible to stop: the chewing up my mouth inside and the head-scratch. DO IT!