At this month of May, everyone feel the rush of love for their moms. How come I don’t feel that?

03-03-88 when I was 3 years old. Living intact on that figure for 25 years of existence with ups and downs. I was at that age when my mom left us. Fed with queries, weakened directions, and failed judgement that baffled my growth. Shadows coated and I asked myself, “Why did she leave us?”. It was more than a challenge for it was a struggle of living my life unaided. Her presence was supposed to be the foundation of what structures me in forms. So many decisions that I was misguided, choices of multiple attitudes which’s like creating my own character, for I was blinded to see. And so I asked, “Am I doomed with these emotions?”

Drowned by enmity for I was impaired searching for reasons and bearing out answers. But then I fall short notice of maturity, then I stopped with all the worries I have. I realized there should be a door out for hatred, and so I did let them go. I guess it’s not yet too late for me, for I have the best of hopes to think that she is just out there.

The grasp on the key of life is giving me the heartfelt love to find the best piece of what completes me. What if I find her and have the chance to finally meet her? Will I say Ma, Mom, Mommy, Mama? Mix emotions of excitement but a ‘lil bit edgy. And what if she’s dead? I’m not sure but I have to be ready.

And so this Mother’s day, I don’t get to greet my mom personally but I appreciate the 2nd Sunday of May for it gives above significance to a special one who gave birth to us. It is not necessary to give them something but it is worth remembering if we just say,"Thank You"and “I love you.”

Acceptance, it is or will be the greatest challenge at this phase of my life. We all create our own identity that pulls the gravity of manner. We fail, hope, and then succeed. It all matters on how you will continue in each word, a comma, an ellipsis, or a period.

The emptiness is fading and the beat is arising. Just stop the moment from there, for I have a minute to feel the rush. Just ssshhh.

*Silence*

Uncertainty and distance that makes us feel for this need, the embrace of the moment to seize the future. But I keep asking myself, is this the beginning of my fairy tale or a real life story?For the sudden beat is caught in steels that chooses to live with limits or to step out in the open.

Downs after the moment but worries are stolen for when the right time comes you have to make a choice. Fail the fears, revive the joy and the decision will all be fulfilling.

It’s You WITH Me. I want to hold you tight in my arms and say,“Thank You for this. You maybe a piece now, but I want you to be the half of my whole.”

(5/1/2010 12:37:30 PM) I just want to be your present and future, but will never be your past.