Husbands pressuring to start TTC

Mg husband is 28 and I am 25. We've been married 6mths and he is dying for us to start TTC. The pressure is causing me anxiety. I want children but don't see the reason to rush. He feel that 30 is old to have kids. We have agreed to have my IUD removed in may and to start TTC in may but I am hoping we don't cuz we have not bought and house yet (however we live in a decent apartment if we were to conceive) and we have not paid off his student loan. Then there is the worry about having no money to put aside for baby's education and sports. I also secretly worry that I won't be a good parent ( I am a social worker an spend my days helping patents and kids get out of trouble...what if my kid is out o control? What king of parent an social worker does that make me?)
Thanks for listening. Feel free to comment.

Mg husband is 28 and I am 25. We've been married 6mths and he is dying for us to start TTC. The pressure is causing me anxiety. I want children but don't see the reason to rush. He feel that 30 is old to have kids. We have agreed to have my IUD removed in may and to start TTC in may but I am hoping we don't cuz we have not bought and house yet (however we live in a decent apartment if we were to conceive) and we have not paid off his student loan. Then there is the worry about having no money to put aside for baby's education and sports. I also secretly worry that I won't be a good parent ( I am a social worker an spend my days helping patents and kids get out of trouble...what if my kid is out o control? What king of parent an social worker does that make me?)
Thanks for listening. Feel free to comment.

No pressure. The decision is up to the both of you, not one deciding over the other. And if everyone let the what if's come before having kids, than there probably would be any kids. Life is too short to worry over everything. There's always worry...with kids or without. Good luck!

No pressure. The decision is up to the both of you, not one deciding over the other. And if everyone let the what if's come before having kids, than there probably would be any kids. Life is too short to worry over everything. There's always worry...with kids or without. Good luck!

I haven't been here long, but you'll probably find most women here will wish they had your problem. Many of us had or currently have ongoing disagreements with our SO's about when the right time to TTC is. My husband put it off twice before finally agreeing February will be the target. The age for having kids is pretty personal to a lot of folks. My hubby and I didn't mind being older (I'm almost 32, he's 34) because we feel more prepared for it now. If you really don't feel ready, you shouldn't even start TTC yet, because it can happen right away or it can take a while, but how long "a while" is you don't know. I'd probably sit down and have a frank conversation about your concerns as well as his. Why do you feel unprepared to have a child now? Why does your husband feel concerned about 30's being "too old" for having kids? Start with those and see where it goes. :)

I haven't been here long, but you'll probably find most women here will wish they had your problem. Many of us had or currently have ongoing disagreements with our SO's about when the right time to TTC is. My husband put it off twice before finally agreeing February will be the target. The age for having kids is pretty personal to a lot of folks. My hubby and I didn't mind being older (I'm almost 32, he's 34) because we feel more prepared for it now. If you really don't feel ready, you shouldn't even start TTC yet, because it can happen right away or it can take a while, but how long "a while" is you don't know. I'd probably sit down and have a frank conversation about your concerns as well as his. Why do you feel unprepared to have a child now? Why does your husband feel concerned about 30's being "too old" for having kids? Start with those and see where it goes. :)

There's no way you could be a bad parent! You know the common mistakes people make and you'll know to steer clear of those, and it most certainly won't reflect on the kind of social worker you are....it's perfectly normal to feel that way tho! I'm 21 and DH is 24, we have a 14 month old and all they need up to this point and even beyond is to know they are loved and that your there when they need you, I was terrified that I'd be a crap mum but from day one it just comes naturally! When you are ready you will be a wonderful mum, your concern and worry proves that! Good luck with your journey

There's no way you could be a bad parent! You know the common mistakes people make and you'll know to steer clear of those, and it most certainly won't reflect on the kind of social worker you are....it's perfectly normal to feel that way tho! I'm 21 and DH is 24, we have a 14 month old and all they need up to this point and even beyond is to know they are loved and that your there when they need you, I was terrified that I'd be a crap mum but from day one it just comes naturally! When you are ready you will be a wonderful mum, your concern and worry proves that! Good luck with your journey

There are a lot of resources out there on parenting styles. I'm currently waiting for my husband to be ready to TTC and I wanted April but I agreed to wait till August for him to be ready. He said even just four more months makes him feel better about it and like he'll be ready then. We have also decided to be prepared with how we want to parent our children instead of just fly into it and see how things go. You can check into focus on the family, dr. Brazlton's (that spelling might be wrong) Touchpoints. And I would definitely check out attachment style parenting. Hope these help you. Good luck!

There are a lot of resources out there on parenting styles. I'm currently waiting for my husband to be ready to TTC and I wanted April but I agreed to wait till August for him to be ready. He said even just four more months makes him feel better about it and like he'll be ready then. We have also decided to be prepared with how we want to parent our children instead of just fly into it and see how things go. You can check into focus on the family, dr. Brazlton's (that spelling might be wrong) Touchpoints. And I would definitely check out attachment style parenting. Hope these help you. Good luck!

I feel the exact same way. I'm 28 and DH is 25 an we just started TTC. I'm scared to death I'll be a bad parent. I work as a therapist at a group home for kids in foster care. (sounds like we are in similar lines of work). Also financially I'm worried. We have a two bedroom apt. no house on the horizon yet. Still have tons of debt. There never is a perfect time. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Don't stress, it will all work itself out.

I feel the exact same way. I'm 28 and DH is 25 an we just started TTC. I'm scared to death I'll be a bad parent. I work as a therapist at a group home for kids in foster care. (sounds like we are in similar lines of work). Also financially I'm worried. We have a two bedroom apt. no house on the horizon yet. Still have tons of debt. There never is a perfect time. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Don't stress, it will all work itself out.

Thank you for your reply and the other kind reply from everyone else. It was a huge risk writing this down cuz #1 writing it down makes it true a it's words and not jut thought fluttering around and #2 I knew I am different then the other women here where it's their husbands who are preventing them from trying. My parents planned us and had 3 kids when they were financially ready ad owned a home. My mom and I have been talking about my fear of by having a house and that Ben when I get husband out of debt, we will accumulate more debt due to kids sports, house and life. I have slowly been coming around to us TTC in may. I have been looking getting my iud out and starting prenatals. Even looking into the best teas to reduce my daily caffeine lol. I am still scared because I am a planner and for once, I am not in control and I'm being told to wing it and hope for the best.

Thank you for your reply and the other kind reply from everyone else. It was a huge risk writing this down cuz #1 writing it down makes it true a it's words and not jut thought fluttering around and #2 I knew I am different then the other women here where it's their husbands who are preventing them from trying. My parents planned us and had 3 kids when they were financially ready ad owned a home. My mom and I have been talking about my fear of by having a house and that Ben when I get husband out of debt, we will accumulate more debt due to kids sports, house and life. I have slowly been coming around to us TTC in may. I have been looking getting my iud out and starting prenatals. Even looking into the best teas to reduce my daily caffeine lol. I am still scared because I am a planner and for once, I am not in control and I'm being told to wing it and hope for the best.

I'm about to be 25, and my husband's 27 so we're similar in ages. We've been married 4 1/2 years, and with the exception of wanting to finish school first, I was ready to start ttc years ago. He was less excited. But, as I cleared some health issues recently, he started bringing up having kids more. Then he said a similar thing: he wanted to start having kids so he wouldn't be too old. Too old for him was around 30-35, which isn't even close to too old in my book.

I would say that the two of you should talk about it more. Discuss your hang-ups with him and maybe make a plan to overcome those concerns before you let nature take it's course. Good luck to you and baby dust if you want it. :)

I'm about to be 25, and my husband's 27 so we're similar in ages. We've been married 4 1/2 years, and with the exception of wanting to finish school first, I was ready to start ttc years ago. He was less excited. But, as I cleared some health issues recently, he started bringing up having kids more. Then he said a similar thing: he wanted to start having kids so he wouldn't be too old. Too old for him was around 30-35, which isn't even close to too old in my book.

I would say that the two of you should talk about it more. Discuss your hang-ups with him and maybe make a plan to overcome those concerns before you let nature take it's course. Good luck to you and baby dust if you want it. :)

My husband and I have discussed why he feel 30 is old. It's due to health concerns that run in his family and due to sport injuries such as chronic back pains, bad knees ect. The dynamics of our home is also very different then most. I am the higher income earner and as such, for me to be off for a year, I financially not plausible as we would not be able to live off his income and EI (Canada). As a result, I would need to go back to work after six months if we planned the pregnancy around my work schedule (I am off during the summer). All this together causes me anxiety as I am a more concrete thinking person an he is more of a don't worry well figure it out mind frame. I would also like to point out I was raised in a family where my siblings and I were planned in order for my parents to provide everything we needed financially and never going without. Of course, I feel the need to provide my family with that stability I was raised in. Winging it is not stability in my books. In end, I have agreed to start Ttc in may as this would work with my work but I will be making so sacrifices in regards to what my role as mon will be in relation to being the higher income provider and wanting to provide the world and stability to my child.

My husband and I have discussed why he feel 30 is old. It's due to health concerns that run in his family and due to sport injuries such as chronic back pains, bad knees ect. The dynamics of our home is also very different then most. I am the higher income earner and as such, for me to be off for a year, I financially not plausible as we would not be able to live off his income and EI (Canada). As a result, I would need to go back to work after six months if we planned the pregnancy around my work schedule (I am off during the summer). All this together causes me anxiety as I am a more concrete thinking person an he is more of a don't worry well figure it out mind frame. I would also like to point out I was raised in a family where my siblings and I were planned in order for my parents to provide everything we needed financially and never going without. Of course, I feel the need to provide my family with that stability I was raised in. Winging it is not stability in my books. In end, I have agreed to start Ttc in may as this would work with my work but I will be making so sacrifices in regards to what my role as mon will be in relation to being the higher income provider and wanting to provide the world and stability to my child.

I agree with you. It's scary wondering if you'll be a good parent, but it's not worth dwelling on. I guess you could say I came from a broken home: my parents had an ugly divorce when I was seven and then had second marriages to other divorcees. Though I know I was loved, I'm not so sure I always felt loved. I sort of got the sense that my family was more into themselves than they were about others. I actually swore off ever having kids because I never wanted to put a child through what I had experienced. When I fell in love with my husband, I wanted to marry him right away, but I knew my family would not approve thinking I was too young (18), so I agreed to marry Daniel in a year. In that year, I discovered that my parents didn't really believe in true love and did not want me to be serious with anyone. That one year turned into three more until I finally realized that I was only making myself miserable when I tried to make them happy. From then on I have pledged to focus on what makes Daniel and I happy. Now the idea of creating our own family, though scary, is so thrilling that I just want to burst with happiness! As the youngest of the family, I've never had any experience with children, but I know I'll learn. I haven't told my family that we've started TTC, and I'm not sure I want to. Before we started, I began thinking how my family would react: you're too young (24), you live in an apartment, you don't know anything about kids, you're still in grad school, you'll never follow your dreams... But then I thought, who cares? Maybe I won't ever become some famous Hollywood director, but so what? Maybe I have the more important dream of becoming a great mother. My point is there's never a perfect time for anything. Life is too short to wait for things to come along at the right time; you've got to put the past behind you and make things happen now when you know you want them or you'll aways wonder "what if...?".

I agree with you. It's scary wondering if you'll be a good parent, but it's not worth dwelling on. I guess you could say I came from a broken home: my parents had an ugly divorce when I was seven and then had second marriages to other divorcees. Though I know I was loved, I'm not so sure I always felt loved. I sort of got the sense that my family was more into themselves than they were about others. I actually swore off ever having kids because I never wanted to put a child through what I had experienced. When I fell in love with my husband, I wanted to marry him right away, but I knew my family would not approve thinking I was too young (18), so I agreed to marry Daniel in a year. In that year, I discovered that my parents didn't really believe in true love and did not want me to be serious with anyone. That one year turned into three more until I finally realized that I was only making myself miserable when I tried to make them happy. From then on I have pledged to focus on what makes Daniel and I happy. Now the idea of creating our own family, though scary, is so thrilling that I just want to burst with happiness! As the youngest of the family, I've never had any experience with children, but I know I'll learn. I haven't told my family that we've started TTC, and I'm not sure I want to. Before we started, I began thinking how my family would react: you're too young (24), you live in an apartment, you don't know anything about kids, you're still in grad school, you'll never follow your dreams... But then I thought, who cares? Maybe I won't ever become some famous Hollywood director, but so what? Maybe I have the more important dream of becoming a great mother. My point is there's never a perfect time for anything. Life is too short to wait for things to come along at the right time; you've got to put the past behind you and make things happen now when you know you want them or you'll aways wonder "what if...?".

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