Well I am back…

Well lets get back to the part of blogging I love the most. Welcome to my life, lol.

Since my last post a few things went really wrong “The Beast” my old computer gave up the ghost and died to to heat stroke, lol. I was working on a new posts when it went BEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!!!! and then froze I was talking to a couple of friends online multi-tasking which, I do very well! So as I was saying I could talk to them but the beast was not doing anything else. I said “it looks like I’ll need to restart be right back, you guessed it I was not……

So half a week later dipping in the my saving I have a new PC called “The Ghost” yes I name all my computers. I was talking to my kids tonight and I felt a bit low and down feeling alone. So a person I met a few months ago invited me to a end of the year party for Diversity. If you know much about me I used to be an out going person though in the last few years this really ended.
It is so hard to get back something you enjoyed. I am learning about the new me. I am finding that over and over again I just don’t even know myself, I have lost that over the last few years. I was no longer the Al married to….. that got lost when it became Al who cares for…… so now I am Ally (nick name from two wonderful co-workers) and I am trying to find what I like and so many things are going on around me that I am just holding on and will look back ion another 6 months and say wow.

So far I am finding out that on this Journey I am meeting many new faces and learning more and more that I was very close minded. It still does not mean I am comfortable with all that I see. I am still me and getting out of that box that I built for myself over so many years. No I am not going back to drinking been there done that and my meds are far more important than a beer. I met a couple of nice people tonight. We had some great conversations. If you are reading this thanks it was nice.

Well this Christmas I am doing it all alone and I am not liking that at all. It feels very empty and I am very solemn. I talk to the children and I can hear their happiness and joy and I miss them ever so much. I am taking this one day at a time. Finding ways to distract myself so that I don’t noticed the empty bedrooms the lack of having to cook, the missing of Hugs, the wonderful talks I have with Gabriel. So here I am…