Thursday, July 9, 2009

ModCloth and this Terrific Transformations Contest

Almost a year ago I left my family and friends and moved 2 hours away to start a new life with newly wed husband.I soon realized that with out all the familiarities of my previous life I was coming undone. No job, no friends, no family, no life except being with the person I loved the most.I was separated from everything that used to define me. I was uneasy in my skin. What I was wearing, how my hair was, how I looked, how my time was spent and what I was saying were all starting to disgust me.I went through periods where for days I would sit at home waiting for my husband, not cooking, cleaning, exploring or doing anything remotely close to useful with my time. It made me feel worthless - I couldn't get myself to do anything except complain to my loving and understanding husband. Then one day I stopped looking for jobs and looked for volunteer opportunities just so I could get out of the house. If I committed myself to someone else then there would be no way I'd let them down the way I was letting myself down. So I just got out there did something and it was really fun to meet people, make connections and tell others about myself. While doing that I put myself back together but I wasn't who I was before I came to this new place. I was hiding within myself before I moved, as a diluted version of me. My familiar comfortable environment had made me content. My previous life was not me, it fit me then because it was easy to follow rather than to lead, easy to be similar rather than different. But now I am at a perfect fit with my life, I felt like a fully concentrated version of me, what I wear, how I look, how I spend my time and what I say are all lead by my passions not my fears. My physical appearance has changed, maybe not enough to really see a difference but inside I feel embraced by my transformation.