Aug 8, 2017

The grand final.

I don't know I am still writing those emails to Befrienders. It didn't help me. Sure it lets me write and I guess, vent. But did it make me feel better? Definitely not.

I tried so many things but nothing is helping me. I am honestly at wits end thinking about the solution. Perhaps there is no solution, except the final one. The final one seems good, but it has a hindrance that I have to wait for to be settled. Once that hindrance is gone, I am pretty good I will go for the grand final. Can't wait for that day, I really can't take it anymore.

I'm starting to lose everything. There are only two things left for me in this world. M and W. W is not going well for me. I could ignore, but it's starting to add no meaning to my life, just like that third thing I just lost - F. Soon enough W will face the same fate F did. I wish things are easier. I wish the grand final solution was something I could just pay for. I mean why not? But of course, the world has its own set of "morale" and the grand final is not something widely acceptable. But I think it should be, because for a so-called "high-moraled" world, everyone in this world don't give a shit about everyone else.

One day I will lose M, and then I will lose W. When I lose both of those things, the grand final will happen. I can't wait for that day to come.