How do you achieve flow state while being scared of what will happen? That's a trick question. Because the answer is you don't achieve flow state or bliss by being afraid of what will happen. You can't truly be present while being anxious about what pose or experience will come after this one. >>> "Oh no, I don't think I like what could happen next. It's going to be really hard and I don't know if I will get hurt." This is me practicing handstand in a yoga class and this is also me getting stuck in my head in a relationship challenge. The biggest amount of fear comes from not trusting myself. Not trusting that I am enough to begin with regardless of outcome. Not trusting that I will be able to hold myself up or that when I do fall, somehow it willbe permanent or I won't know how to handle it. Which isn't true for anybody.Yet I still have the bad habit sometimes of starting to compare or put the record player on repeat of, "You can't do this." "You're going to get hurt." "She's better than you." "Their relationship is stronger." "We won't last so why try." The thoughts are intrusive, annoying and not even true. It's my ego trying to predict the future to get a better grasp; yet the ego is never really super positive.

When I get really calm and quiet, I can hear this softer positive truth. I can hear my heart. And it never ceases to amaze me with the wisdom that comes from listening to my heart. I may not totally like the pose coming up or experience after today, but I know for a fact it's not a threat nor a promise and it makes things a lot easier to trust myself and my partner. So what I can do is take a bigger breath, repeat a loving mantra for myself and stay present.

Right now in this moment I am laying in front of my bedroom window on my bed with my dog and my parents dog I'm watching. I can hear my roommates talking about their plans for the day and I feel less alone just hearing them. The sun is shining through the trees and reflecting on the screen in a rhythmic pattern with the wind. I am in a healthy loving relationship with someone I admire a lot and trust. I leave in an hour to a job I love in a city I love. My body is healthy and my mind is in a peaceful state.That's what is happening right now. There are a million other things that could be happening that could make me cry and shake in anger. It would be relatively easy to imagine up some nasty, negative options too. But why? After checking in and typing down actual words of what's present for me right now, I don't want to imagine some alternate hell universe. I don't want to live in a fear state.