The only thing more fun than owning a pet is to brag about their beauty and accomplishments, show off their funny pictures, and read some of the humorous jokes and quotes written about our favorite animals.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have aproblem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to sayone thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired.They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?""That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for amoment. "You know", he said, "I may have a solution to your problem.I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray andread the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'llput them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teachyour parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure tostop saying... that phrase...in no time."

"Thank you", the woman responded, "this may very well be thesolution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside theircage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over andplaced her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrotscried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over atthe other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Ourprayers have been answered."

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A man is driving down the freeway with his two pet penguins when he gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. After the cop hands over the speeding ticket to the driver, he notices the 2 penguins. The cop informs the driver that he must take the penguins to the zoo. The driver agrees to do so.

Two months later, the same man is pulled over by the same cop for speeding. The cop notices the penguins again only now they are wearing sun glasses and eating ice cream.

The cop says, "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo."

The man responds, "I did take them to the zoo, now I'm taking them to the beach."

Monday, August 28, 2006

A pastor had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He didall this, checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved a little further forward... the rope broke.

The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight. The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. Nobody had seen a stray kitten.

So, he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?"

She replied, "You won't believe this," and told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it." She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws spread out, and landed right in front of her."

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Rare newborn albino Pygmy Marmoset monkeys perch on a zookeeper's fingers at Froso Zoo in Ostersund, Sweden August 22, 2006. The Pygmy Marmoset, which lives in the upper Amazon basin in South America, is the world's smallest monkey and reaches 13.7 inches in length and weighs up to 3.5 ounces at maturity.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Raymond Chandler - talked to his black Persian, Taki, as though she was human and called her his secretary because she sat on his manuscripts as he tried to revise them

Sir Winston Churchill - (1874 - 1965) Churchill's cat, Jock, shared his master's bed and table. Churchill often sent servants to find Jock and refused to start eating until his cat was present at the table

Albert Schweitzer - (1875 - 1965) Sometimes left-handed Schweitzer wrote prescriptions with his right hand, so as not to disturb his cat, Sizi, who liked to fall asleep on his left arm

Mohammed - Mohammed (570 - 632), the founder of the Muslim faith, thought dogs unclean, but liked cats. He once cut off the sleeve of his robe to avoid waking a sleeping cat as he rose to pray

Petrarch - (1304 - 1374) When the poet died, his cat was put to death and mummified

Cardinal Richelieu - (1585 - 1642) This Prince of the Church reserved one of his rooms for cats, where overseers fed them chicken pates twice a day. When he died, the overseers and cats were provided for

Ernest Hemingway shared his Key West home with more than thirty cats

Florence Nightingale owned more than sixty cats in her lifetime and often complained of mysterious "stains" on her paperwork

Cardinal Richelieu, who had dozens of cats, built a cattery at Versailles in which to house them

Mark Twain kept eleven cats at his farm in Connecticut. His daughter, Susy once remarked, "The difference between Papa and Mamma is, that Mamma loves morals and Papa loves cats."

St. Agatha (d. 251) is still known as Santo Gato (Saint Cat) in parts of the Pyrénées mountain range of southwestern France. She is said to appear in the form of a cat on her day, February5, to punish women who have angered her.

St. Francis of Assisi (1182 - 1226), according to an Italian legend, was saved from a plague of mice by a cat which sprang miraculously out of his sleeve.

St. Gregory the Great (540 - 604) possessed no worldly goods except a cat, which ie liked tostroke and hold in his arms whilehe was meditating.

St. Ives (1035 - 1115), the patron saint of lawyers, appears in portraits with a cat by his side, and is sometimes depicted as a cat.

St. Jerome (340 - 420) was famous for owning a cat and is frequently depicted in paintings accompanied by a domestic cat instead of his more traditional lion mascot.

St. Molig of Ireland, according to legend, became disturbed when his pet cat caught a sparrow which had eaten a fly; he restored both bird and insect to life.

Johannes Brahms - (1833 - 1897) One of Brahm's favourite forms of relaxatin was to sit at an open window and attempt to kill neighbourhood cats with a bow and arrow

Napoleon Bonaparte - Napoleon was once found sweating with fear and lunging wildly with his sword at the tapestry-covered walls. The source of his fear was a small kitten

Noah Webster - (1758 - 1843) Webster described the cat as a "deceitful animal and when enraged, extremely spiteful"

Dwight D. Eisenhower - (1890 - 1969) Eisenhower's loathing for cats was so great, he gave his staff orders to shoot any seen on the grounds of his home

Henry III - (1551 - 1589) Henry was like a lion when persecuting the Protestant minority in France, but the presence of a cat turned him into a chicken. He would faint if a cat came near him

Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon - (1707 - 1788) The French naturalist praised dogs, but claimed that cats possessed "an innate malice and perverse disposition which increases as they grow up." He added that they "easily assume the habits of society, but never acquire its manners."