(Closed) Having a (totally unwarranted) freakout, bees. Need support.

So when I was dropping FI off at work today (we share a car) he casually mentioned that he was going to see FMIL at 5:30. I figured they were grabbing dinner or he was helping her with some kind of home project like he frequently does. Well, what he told me came as a total shocker.

He’s going to mass with her. Before I even had time to fully mentally process it, I got an overwhelming feeling of anxiety, nausea, and fear for the future of my relationship. While I, being Agnostic and raised Protestant Christian, am totally comfortable dating a “go to church on holidays, cross myself with the holy water, believe in a higher power and Jesus” Catholic, I am terrified to be with a practicing Catholic. Terrified.

I think he’s just going because FMIL invited him, but it still makes me nervous. I realize this is irrational. If any bees could offer advice or support I would be so thankful.

i’m sure he is just going with her because she asked. and if he does want to go more often, there’s no need for you to go with him if you aren’t comfortable. my FI has a huge aversion to organized religiom because his mom forced it upon him. i, on the othef hand, always loved going and hope to find a church that suits me again and take our future kids to sunday school. FI will not go with me, but that’s okay.

Has he ever made any comments that make you think he would look down on your religious choices or make you want to change them? If yes, then I can see how that could be a big problem. But if not, what about his choices bothers you so much? Is it the wedding ceremony or beyond that? What about it would bother you if he chose to practice his religion?

I personally think that as long as he understands that it’s not something you’d want to do together, it really shouldn’t be something that affects you. It’s not like you’re going around preaching to each other, right?

I wouldn’t worry about it as long as he doesn’t try to impose his beliefs on you. He could just be going because his mom wants him to. I wouldn’t read into this too much. Surely if he’s your FI you’d know if he was “practicing” or not by now.

Just support him. He’s not asking you to go to church too or trying to convert you. There’s no boundries being crossed where he’s pushing his faith upon you. You can always ask him if he’s interested in going to Mass more with his mom. It’ might not be just about church, but also about spending time with his mom and/or socializing with people he may know there.

Sorry that you’re going through such a rough time. If you don’t mind my asking, why are you so terrified of him becoming a practicing Catholic? I realize that it is a different religion that you, which can definitely be a struggle to juggle, especially if you two decide to have kids

@wildflowerbee: She was raised protestant but is agnostic, so it isn’t just a different denomination but a totally different belief. I’m an atheist and if my husband suddenly “found god” I would be seriously questioning our future.

OP, he’s probably just going to show face for his mum; I do the same at synagogue for mine once or twice a year (she’s a practicing Jew and openly agnostic).

OP, I would definitly talk to him to see whether or not he’s going just to spend more time with famiy (like PPs have suggested) or if it’s more and then go from there. Is he also a nonbeliever or just not practicing like you’ve mentioned?

@Vidya: He believes in God in a more spiritual way than religious way. He considers himself a non-practicing Catholic.

@Cyanfire: I guess I feel it would drive a wedge in our relationship. My lack of organized religion is very important to me. I struggled with trying to believe for years as a child, was made to feel bad because I couldn’t fully believe as much as I tried and only recently in the last 5 years have become comfortable and confident in my non-belief. I realize we don’t have to agree, but it would constantly weigh on my mind if he was practicing. Also, I refuse to let any possible future children be brought up in church before she or he is old enough to make her or his own religious decisions.

@SpecialSundae: Thanks. This makes me feel a lot better, also, I’m glad you understand! I plan to talk it out with him tonight and see what the deal is.