Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Guaranteed this is what I'll be like if I ever have a child. Oh, you're 4 months old? Cute little thing, arentcha?

So, I do a lot of really dumb shit. Like, stuff where I basically seem mentally handicapped (to others and myself) and need someone to check in with me on a daily basis just to make sure I'm holding up ok. I don't even want to talk about it.

Except I will talk about this one example:

Yesterday, I was at work - that's typically what I do on a Monday through Friday basis, ya know. And, I have to park my car in a parking garage on those mornings. This is precisely when the day starts to get tough for me. So, I roll in at 9:15am because 9am is for silly sallys, and I park my car on parking level 6 (crucial information). There are 7 parking levels total.

Now, normally, when someone tells me their name and I'm trying to focus and remember it, I'm thinking about unicorns or ice cream cones instead. Same thing goes with this parking garage madness. I repeat six, six, six in my head a few times, which I should remember cuz it sounds like sex, which I'm sort of a fan of. But, instead, my brain is all like "ooooooooh, I wonder if there is free breakfast. I was supposed to meet our new Regional at 8:30am, but I totally missed that. Let me get inside ASAP, completely neglect my parking garage memorization responsibilities, eat food, and think about unicorns. Einstein bagels hopefully, yum!"

The free food does not look enticing. No after thought of my car.

I get through my work day. I walk to the parking garage. Light bulb: I have no clue where my car is located. I have a 2008 car with only a manual key entry (I know, wtf?), so I can't do that little clicky noise thing.

I at least manage to remember I was on a higher level, so I actually try level 6 first. I walk down the 2 rows of level 6, but no car. I do the same thing with level 7, then 5, then 4. Then, I try 6, 7, 5, and 4 again looking even better this time. Nope, no car. At this point I'm thinking my car is stolen. I try level 3 and level 2 just for shits and giggles. Not giggling; almost shitting.

It's like a whole half hour later now. Visual: I'm swinging my lunch box in my hand, water bottle, purse, and I'm getting sweaty because it's Florida - in the middle of summer - in a parking garage. So, I'm looking pretty cool, obviously. Where is my car?!? People driving down starting at level 7 have probably seen me on level 7 and then level 4 by the time they exit their lucky asses out of the parking garage. I just keep walking along though smiling casually as though it's all normal, I do this all the time, and I'd prefer to get my nightly walk in, with a variety of items in both hands, before I'm at home.

Welllllllll, I call my friend at work to complain or to come drive me around the parking garage levels while I scour with my head out the window. No answer. I try to think if I have any other friends. Nope.

Now I'm getting pissed. Not about the friend thing - mostly about my car. I decide to try level 6 one last time. Oh, so simple, there's my car in plain fucking sight. Just sitting there all happy looking and light blue. I think someone must have moved it and then plopped it down just to mess around with me.

I guess what really happened was my car was waaaaaaay at the end of one row and must have been behind a van/truck, so I didn't check down far enough. And, this time, the van/truck was gone so I could see my car in sight.

I've never been so happy and pissed (I felt like my car played a trick on me) to see my car.

Today I walked to work, across a highway bridge.

Speaking of bridges, I went to NYC and visited my dear friend Danielle, rest her soul. Jk, she's still alive! I no longer call her "Pip" since I have a dog named "Pippi". Instead, I call her "Don-yell" in a really weird, manly voice. What? It's cute.

About Me

I'm a stay at home mom and boo boo kisser to 2 wonderful children...wait, that's not me! Read the description above, and then come along with me as I live the dream ;)
Oh, and in case you couldn't tell, most of what I write is a little "tongue in cheek"...