Per Mertesacker is entrusted with the job of collecting fines from Arsenal players in breach of club discipline but the German may find himself going cap in hand to manager Arsene Wenger for his place in the team.

Congratulations to Steven Gerrard on adding the Carling Cup to his garland of honours. And thanks to the Liverpool captain for kindly allowing us an insight into the strategy for what, it is hoped, will be a glorious culmination to his career.

Delivered in interviews with the BBC and a Sunday newspaper, it boils down to this: Liverpool, after duly beating Cardiff (Gerrard seemed not to envisage the difficulty of that task), would defeat Stoke at home to book at least one more trip to Wembley while climbing into fourth place in the Premier League (Arsenal must have provided another surprise).

As for England, they would restore Gerrard to the captaincy this week and for Euro 2012, after which he would decide whether to quit international football in favour of devoting all his energies to his undoubtedly beloved club.

You may be thinking two things. One is that this hugely gifted but loyal club man deserves every bit of success that comes his way. The other is that his England presumptions must have been liberally hedged with phrases such as "if selected" and "depending on the manager's opinion". They were not.

And nor was this the Steven Gerrard who, after giving England an early lead in their opening World Cup match against the United States, led them to further victories over Germany and others before giving an inspirational performance in the final against Spain, establishing himself as an all-time great.

This was the Steven Gerrard who, after giving England an early lead over the United States, ran alone to celebrate on the touchline, brushing aside Emile Heskey, whose superbly weighted pass had laid the goal on. The Gerrard who was then distinguishable from the rest of a crumbling team only by the armband he forlornly wore.

If he gets the armband back this week when the selfless Scott Parker is available, Stuart Pearce will have begun his England stewardship with a mistake.