Tips for Developing a Solid Partnership

Relationships where one or both members of the couple have ADD / ADHD can be troubled by misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments. This is especially likely if the symptoms of ADD / ADHD have never been properly diagnosed or treated. The good news is that you can turn these problems around. You can build a healthier, happier partnership by learning about the role ADHD plays in your relationship and how both of you can choose more positive and productive ways to respond to challenges and communicate with each other.

How ADD / ADHD can affect relationships

While the distractibility, disorganization, and impulsivity of adult ADD/ADHD can cause problems in many areas of life, these symptoms can be particularly damaging when it comes to your closest relationships.

If you’re the person with ADD/ADHD, you may feel like you’re constantly being criticized, nagged, and micromanaged. No matter what you do, nothing seems to please your spouse or partner. You don’t feel respected as an adult, so you find yourself avoiding your partner or saying whatever you have to in order to get him or her off your back. You wish your significant other could relax even a little bit and stop trying to control every aspect of your life. You wonder what happened to the person you fell in love with.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has ADD/ADHD, you may feel lonely, ignored, and unappreciated. You’re tired of taking care of everything on your own and being the only responsible party in the relationship. You don’t feel like you can rely on your partner. He or she never seems to follow through on promises, and you’re forced to constantly issue reminders and demands or else just do things yourself. Sometimes it feels as if your significant other just doesn’t care.

It’s easy to see how the feelings on both sides can contribute to a destructive cycle in the relationship. The non-ADHD partner complains, nags, and becomes increasingly resentful while the ADHD partner, feeling judged and misunderstood, gets defensive and pulls away. In the end, nobody is happy. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Transforming your relationship starts with understanding the role that ADD/ADHD plays. Once you are able to identify how the symptoms are ADD/ADHD are influencing your interactions as a couple, you can learn better ways of responding. For the partner with ADHD, this means learning how to manage the problematic symptom. For the non-ADHD partner, this means learning how to react to frustrations in ways that encourage and motivate your partner.

Symptoms of ADD/ADHD that can cause relationship problems

Trouble paying attention. If you have ADD/ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued. You may also miss important details or mindlessly agree to something you don’t remember later, which can be frustrating to others.

Forgetfulness. Even when a person with ADD/ADHD is paying attention, he or she may later forget what was promised or discussed. When it’s your spouse’s birthday or the formula you said you’d pick up, your partner may start to feel like you don’t care or you’re unreliable.

Poor organizational skills. This can lead to difficulty finishing tasks as well as general household chaos. Partners may feel like they’re always cleaning up after the person with ADD/ADHD and shouldering a disproportionate amount of the family duties.

Impulsivity. If you have ADD/ADHD, you may blurt things out without thinking, which can cause hurt feelings. This impulsivity can also lead to irresponsible and even reckless behavior (for example, making a big purchase that isn’t in the budget, leading to fights over finances).

Emotional outbursts. Many people with ADD/ADHD have trouble moderating their emotions. You may lose your temper easily and have trouble discussing issues calmly. Your partner may feel like he or she has to walk on eggshells to avoid blowups.

Adult ADHD and relationships: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes

The first step in turning your relationship around is learning to see things from your partner’s perspective. If you’ve been together a long time or you’ve had the same fights again and again, you might think that you already understand where your partner is coming from.

But don’t underestimate how easy it is to misinterpret your partner or spouse’s actions and intentions. You and your partner are more different than you think—especially if only one of you has ADD/ADHD. And just because you’ve heard it all before doesn’t mean you’ve truly taken in what your partner is saying. When emotions are running high, as they usually do around ADD/ADHD relationship issues, it’s particularly difficult to maintain objectivity and perspective.

The best way to put yourself in your partner’s shoes is to ask and then simply listen. Find a time to sit down and talk when you’re not already upset. Let your partner describe how he or she feels without interruption from you to explain or defend yourself. When your partner is finished, repeat back the main points you’ve heard him or her say, and ask if you understood correctly. You may want to write the points down so you can reflect on them later. When your partner is finished, it’s your turn. Ask him or her to do the same for you and really listen with fresh ears and an open mind.

Tips for increasing empathy and understanding in your relationship

Study up on ADD/ADHD. The more both of you learn about ADD/ADHD and its symptoms, the easier it will be to see how it is influencing your relationship. You may find that a light bulb comes on. So many of your issues as a couple finally make sense! This understanding can help the non-ADHD partner take symptoms less personally. For the partner with ADHD, it can be a relief to understand what’s behind some of your behaviors.

Acknowledge the impact your behavior has on your partner. If you’re the one with ADD/ADHD, it’s important to recognize how your untreated symptoms affect your partner. If you’re the non-ADHD partner, consider how your nagging and criticism makes your spouse feel. Don’t dismiss your partner’s complaints or disregard them because you don’t like the way he or she brings it up or reacts to you.

Separate who your partner is from his or her symptoms or behaviors. Instead of labeling your partner “irresponsible,” recognize his or her forgetfulness and lack of follow-through as symptoms of ADD/ADHD. Remember, symptoms aren’t character traits. That goes for the non-ADHD partner too. Recognize that nagging usually arises from feelings of frustration and stress, not because your partner is an unsympathetic harpy.

How the partner with ADHD often feels:

Different. The brain is often racing, and people with ADHD experience the world in a way that others don’t easily understand or relate to.

Overwhelmed, secretly or overtly. Keeping daily life under control takes much more work than others realize.

Subordinate to their spouses. Their partners spend a good deal of time correcting them or running the show. The corrections make them feel incompetent, and often contribute to a parent–child dynamic. Men can describe these interactions as making them feel emasculated.

Shamed. They often hide a large amount of shame, sometimes compensating with bluster or retreat.

Unloved and unwanted. Consistent reminders from spouses, bosses, and others that they should “change” reinforce that they are unloved as they are.

Afraid to fail again. As their relationships worsen, the potential of punishment for failure increases. But ADHD inconsistency means this partner will fail at some point. Anticipating this failure results in reluctance to try.

Longing to be accepted. One of the strongest emotional desires of those with ADHD is to be loved as they are, in spite of imperfections.

How the non-ADHD partner often feels:

Unwanted or unloved. The lack of attention is interpreted as lack of interest rather than distraction. One of the most common dreams is to be “cherished,” and to receive the attention from one’s spouse that this implies.

Angry and emotionally blocked. Anger and resentment permeate many interactions with the ADHD spouse. Sometimes this anger is expressed as disconnection. In an effort to control angry interactions, some non-ADHD spouses try to block their feelings by bottling them up inside.

Incredibly stressed out. Non-ADHD spouses often carry the vast proportion of the family responsibilities and can never let their guard down. Life could fall apart at any time because of the ADHD spouse’s inconsistency.

Ignored and offended. To a non-ADHD spouse, it doesn’t make sense that the ADHD spouse doesn’t act on the non-ADHD partner’s experience and advice more often when it’s “clear” what needs to be done.

Exhausted and depleted. The non-ADHD spouse carries too many responsibilities, and no amount of effort seems to fix the relationship.

Frustrated. A non-ADHD spouse might feel as if the same issues keep coming back over and over again (a sort of boomerang effect).

Adapted from The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps, by Melissa C. Orlov.

Adult ADHD and relationships: Take responsibility for your role

Once you’ve put yourself in your partner’s shoes, it’s time to accept responsibility for your role in the relationship. Progress starts once you become aware of your own contributions to the problems you have as a couple. This goes for the non-ADHD partner as well.

While the ADHD partner’s symptoms may trigger an issue, the symptoms alone aren’t to blame for the relationship problem. The way the non-ADHD partner responds to the bothersome symptom can either open the door for cooperation and compromise or provoke misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If you’re the one with ADD/ADHD, you’re also responsible for the way you react to your partner’s concerns. Your reaction can either make your significant other feel validated and heard or disregarded and ignored.

Break free of the parent-child dynamic

Many couples feel stuck in an unsatisfying parent-child type of relationship, with the non-ADHD partner in the role of the parent and the partner with ADHD in the role of the child. It often starts when the partner with ADD/ADHD fails to follow through on tasks, such as forgetting to pay the cable bill, leaving clean laundry in a pile on the bed, or leaving the kids stranded after promising to pick them up. The non-ADHD partner takes on more and more of the household responsibilities. The more lopsided the partnership becomes, the more resentful he or she feels. It becomes harder to appreciate the ADHD spouse’s positive qualities and contributions. Of course, the partner with ADD/ADHD senses this. He or she starts to feel like there’s no point to even trying and dismisses the non-ADHD spouse as controlling and impossible to please. So what can you do to break this pattern?

Tips for the non-ADHD partner:

You can’t control your spouse, but you can control your own actions. Put an immediate stop to verbal attacks and nagging. Neither gets results.

Encourage your partner when he or she makes progress and acknowledge achievements and efforts.

Stop trying to “parent” your partner. It is destructive to your relationship and demotivating to your spouse.

Tips for the partner with ADHD:

Acknowledge the fact that your ADD/ADHD symptoms are interfering with your relationship. It’s not just a case of your partner being unreasonable.

Explore treatment options. As you learn to manage your symptoms and become more reliable, your partner will ease off.

Find ways to spoil your spouse. If your partner feels cared for by you—even in small ways—he or she will feel less like your parent.

Adult ADHD and relationships: Stop fighting and start communicating

As you’ve already seen, communication often breaks down between partners when ADD/ADHD is in the mix. One partner feels overburdened. The other feels attacked. They end up fighting each other rather than tackling the issue.

To improve communication, do what you can to defuse emotional volatility. If need be, take time to cool off before discussing an issue. When you have the conversation, listen closely to your partner. Ask yourself what you’re really arguing about. What’s the deeper issue?

Example: A couple fights over dinner being an hour late. The husband, who doesn’t have ADHD, is upset over more than his empty stomach. He feels frustrated with his wife’s lack of reliability and attention (I work hard to provide for her! Why don’t I ever get any TLC? If she cared for me, she’d make more of an effort.). The ADHD wife feels overwhelmed and unfairly judged (I have so much to take care of around the house. It’s hard for me to keep on top of everything and I lost track of time. How does that make me a bad wife?).

Once you identify the real issue, it’s much easier to resolve the problem. In this example, the husband would be less upset if he realized that his wife’s chronic lateness and disorganization isn’t personal. It’s a symptom of untreated ADD/ADHD. For her part, once the wife understands that a timely dinner makes her husband feel loved and appreciated, she’ll be more motivated to make it happen.

Communication tips

Don’t bottle up your emotions. Fess up to your feelings, no matter how ugly. Get them out in the open where you can work through them as a couple.

You’re not a mind reader. Don’t make assumptions about your partner’s motivations. Avoid the “if my spouse really loved me…” trap. If your partner does something that upsets you, address it directly rather than silently stewing.

Watch what you say and how you say it. Avoid critical words and questions that put your partner on the defensive (“Why can’t you ever do what you said you would?” or “How many times do I have to tell you?”).

Find the humor in the situation. Learn to laugh over the inevitable miscommunications and misunderstandings. Laughter relieves tension and brings you closer together.

Improving your communication skills when you have ADD/ADHD

The impulsivity of ADD/ADHD can interfere with communication. The following tips can help you have more satisfying conversations with your partner and other people.

Listen actively and don’t interrupt. While the other person is talking, make an effort to maintain eye contact. If you find your mind wandering, mentally repeat their words so you follow the conversation. Make an effort to avoid interrupting.

Ask questions. Instead of launching into whatever is on your mind—or the many things on your mind—ask the other person question. It will let him or her know you’re paying attention.

Request a repeat. If your attention wanders, tell the other person so as soon as you realize it and ask him or her to repeat what was just said. If you let the conversation go too long when your mind is elsewhere, it will only get tougher to re-connect.

Adult ADHD and relationships: Work together as a team

Just because one partner has ADD/ADHD doesn’t mean you can’t have a balanced, mutually fulfilling relationship. The key is to learn to work together as a team. A healthy relationship involves give and take, with both individuals participating fully in the partnership and looking for ways to support each other.

Take some time on both sides to identify what you’re good at and which tasks are most challenging for you. If your spouse is strong in an area in which you’re weak, perhaps he or she can take over that responsibility, and vice versa. It should feel like an equal exchange. If you’re both weak in a certain area, brainstorm how to get outside help. For example, if neither of you are good with money, you could hire a bookkeeper or research money management apps that make budgeting easier.

ADD/ADHD teamwork tips

Divide tasks and stick to them. The non-ADHD partner may be more suited to handling the bills and doing the errands, while you manage the children and cooking.

Schedule weekly sit-downs. Meet once a week to address issues and assess progress you’ve made as a couple.

Evaluate the division of labor. Make a list of chores and responsibilities and rebalance the workload if either one of you is shouldering the bulk of the load.

Delegate, outsource, and automate. You and your partner don’t have to do everything yourselves. If you have children, assign them chores. You might also consider hiring a cleaning service, signing up for grocery delivery, or setting up automatic bill payments.

Split up individual tasks, if necessary. If the partner with ADD/ADHD has trouble completing tasks, the non-ADHD partner may need to step in as the “closer.” Account for this in your arrangement to avoid resentments.

Create a practical plan

If you have ADD/ADHD, you probably aren’t very good at organizing or setting up systems. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t able to follow a plan once it’s in place. This is an area where the non-ADHD partner can provide invaluable assistance. He or she can help you set up a system and routine you can rely on to help you stay on top of your responsibilities.

Start by analyzing the most frequent things you fight about, such as chores or chronic lateness. Then think about practical things you can do to solve them. For forgotten chores, it might be a big wall calendar with checkboxes next to each person’s daily tasks. For chronic lateness, you might set up a calendar on your smartphone, complete with timers to remind you of upcoming events.

Helping your partner with ADD/ADHD

Develop a routine. Your partner will benefit from the added structure. Schedule in the things you both need to accomplish and consider set times for meals, exercise, and sleep.

Set up external reminders. This can be in the form of a dry erase board, sticky notes, or a to-do list on your phone.

Control clutter. People with ADD/ADHD have a hard time getting and staying organized, but clutter adds to the feeling that their lives are out of control. Help your partner set up a system for dealing with clutter and staying organized.

Ask the ADHD partner to repeat requests. To avoid misunderstandings, have your partner repeat what you have agreed upon.

More help for ADD/ADHD in children

ADD/ADHD Help Center: Find ways to stay focused, turn chaos into calm, and manage the symptoms of distraction, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

What other readers are saying

“It was pretty clear to me quite soon after finding [your article] that my partner suffers from ADHD and this has been taking a huge toll on our relationship and family life. We are just starting to use the techniques suggested and so far it seems to be making huge improvements . . . the most important thing seems to be that we both understand the situation a lot better now and I too have been able to change my behavior to support my partner. . . It is such a huge relief for us to be getting back on track and to be able to organize things properly and be a lot less stressed.” ~ United Kingdom

“I have been going crazy helping my husband and thinking he could “try harder” to pay attention, focus, stop losing things etc. Now I see it is a disease and, like any disease, I can’t blame him for his symptoms. But I also see that he can do things to help his inabilities. You have no idea how much you have helped me.” ~ Washington

Signs, Symptoms, Effects, and Treatment

Life can be a balancing act for any adult, but if you find yourself constantly late, disorganized, forgetful, and overwhelmed by your responsibilities, you may have ADD/ADHD. Attention deficit disorder affects many adults, and its wide variety of frustrating symptoms can hinder everything from your relationships to your career. But help is available—and learning about ADD/ADHD is the first step. Once you understand the challenges, you can learn to compensate for areas of weakness and start taking advantage of your strengths.

Understanding ADD / ADHD in adults

Attention deficit disorder is not just a problem in children. If you were diagnosed with childhood ADD/ADHD, chances are, you’ve carried at least some of the symptoms into adulthood. But even if you were never diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as a child, that doesn’t mean you can’t be affected by it as an adult.

ADD / ADHD: It’s not just for kids

Attention deficit disorder often goes unrecognized throughout childhood. This was especially common in the past, when very few people were aware of ADD/ADHD. Instead of recognizing your symptoms and identifying the real issue, your family, teachers, or other parents may have labeled you a dreamer, a goof-off, a slacker, a troublemaker, or just a bad student.

Alternately, you may have been able to compensate for the symptoms of ADD/ADHD when you were young, only to run into problems as your responsibilities increase. The more balls you’re trying to keep in the air—pursuing a career, raising a family, running a household—the greater the demand on your abilities to organize, focus, and remain calm. This can be challenging for anyone, but if you have ADD/ADHD, it can feel downright impossible.

The good news is that, no matter how it feels, the challenges of attention deficit disorder are beatable. With education, support, and a little creativity, you can learn to manage the symptoms of adult ADD/ADHD—even turning some of your weaknesses into strengths. It’s never too late to turn the difficulties of adult ADD/ADHD around and start succeeding on your own terms.

Myths and Facts about ADD / ADHD in Adults

MYTH: ADD/ADHD is just a lack of willpower. Persons with ADD/ADHD focus well on things that interest them; they could focus on any other tasks if they really wanted to.

FACT: ADD/ADHD looks very much like a willpower problem, but it isn’t. It’s essentially a chemical problem in the management systems of the brain.

MYTH: Everybody has the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, and anyone with adequate intelligence can overcome these difficulties.

FACT: ADD/ADHD affects persons of all levels of intelligence. And although everyone sometimes has symptoms of ADD/ADHD, only those with chronic impairments from these symptoms warrant an ADD/ADHD diagnosis.

MYTH: Someone can’t have ADD/ADHD and also have depression, anxiety, or other psychiatric problems.

FACT: A person with ADD/ADHD is six times more likely to have another psychiatric or learning disorder than most other people. ADD/ADHD usually overlaps with other disorders.

MYTH: Unless you have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as a child, you can’t have it as an adult.

FACT: Many adults struggle all their lives with unrecognized ADD/ADHD impairments. They haven’t received help because they assumed that their chronic difficulties, like depression or anxiety, were caused by other impairments that did not respond to usual treatment.

Signs and symptoms of adult ADD / ADHD

In adults, attention deficit disorder often looks quite different than it does in children—and its symptoms are unique for each individual. The following categories highlight common symptoms of adult ADD/ADHD. Do your best to identify the areas where you experience difficulty. Once you pinpoint your most problematic symptoms, you can start to work on strategies for dealing with them.

Adults with ADD/ADHD often have difficulty staying focused and attending to daily, mundane tasks. For example, you may be easily distracted by irrelevant sights and sounds, quickly bounce from one activity to another, or become bored quickly. Symptoms in this category are sometimes overlooked because they are less outwardly disruptive than the ADD/ADHD symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity—but they can be every bit as troublesome. The symptoms of inattention and concentration difficulties include:

“zoning out” without realizing it, even in the middle of a conversation

difficulty paying attention or focusing, such as when reading or listening to others

struggling to complete tasks, even ones that seem simple

tendency to overlook details, leading to errors or incomplete work

poor listening skills; hard time remembering conversations and following directions

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: Hyperfocus

While you’re probably aware that people with ADD/ADHD have trouble focusing on tasks that aren’t interesting to them, you may not know that there’s another side: a tendency to become absorbed in tasks that are stimulating and rewarding. This paradoxical symptom is called hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus is actually a coping mechanism for distraction—a way of tuning out the chaos. It can be so strong that you become oblivious to everything going on around you. For example, you may be so engrossed in a book, a TV show, or your computer that you completely lose track of time and neglect the things you’re supposed to be doing. Hyperfocus can be an asset when channeled into productive activities, but it can also lead to work and relationship problems if left unchecked.

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: Disorganization and forgetfulness

When you have adult ADD/ADHD, life often seems chaotic and out of control. Staying organized and on top of things can be extremely challenging—as is sorting out what information is relevant for the task at hand, prioritizing the things you need to do, keeping track of tasks and responsibilities, and managing your time. Common symptoms of disorganization and forgetfulness include:

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: Impulsivity

If you suffer from symptoms in this category, you may have trouble inhibiting your behaviors, comments, and responses. You might act before thinking, or react without considering consequences. You may find yourself interrupting others, blurting out comments, and rushing through tasks without reading instructions. If you have impulse problems, being patient is extremely difficult. For better or for worse, you may go headlong into situations and find yourself in potentially risky circumstances. You may struggle with controlling impulses if you:

frequently interrupt others or talk over them

have poor self-control

blurt out thoughts that are rude or inappropriate without thinking

have addictive tendencies

act recklessly or spontaneously without regard for consequences

have trouble behaving in socially appropriate ways (such as sitting still during a long meeting)

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: Emotional difficulties

Many adults with ADD/ADHD have a hard time managing their feelings, especially when it comes to emotions like anger or frustration. Common emotional symptoms of adult ADD/ADHD include:

sense of underachievement

doesn’t deal well with frustration

easily flustered and stressed out

irritability or mood swings

trouble staying motivated

hypersensitivity to criticism

short, often explosive, temper

low self-esteem and sense of insecurity

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: Hyperactivity or restlessness

Hyperactivity in adults with ADD/ADHD can look the same as it does in kids. You may be highly energetic and perpetually “on the go” as if driven by a motor. For many people with ADD/ADHD, however, the symptoms of hyperactivity become more subtle and internal as they grow older. Common symptoms of hyperactivity in adults include:

feelings of inner restlessness, agitation

tendency to take risks

getting bored easily

racing thoughts

trouble sitting still; constant fidgeting

craving for excitement

talking excessively

doing a million things at once

You don’t have to be hyperactive to have ADD / ADHD

Adults with ADD/ADHD are much less likely to be hyperactive than their younger counterparts. Only a small slice of adults with ADD/ADHD, in fact, suffer from prominent symptoms of hyperactivity. Remember that names can be deceiving and you may very well have ADD/ADHD if you have one or more of the symptoms above—even if you lack hyperactivity.

Effects of adult ADD / ADHD

If you are just discovering you have adult ADD/ADHD, chances are you’ve suffered over the years for the unrecognized problem. People may have labeled you “lazy” or “stupid” because of your forgetfulness or difficulty completing tasks, and you may have begun to think of yourself in these negative terms as well.

Untreated ADD/ADHD has wide-reaching effects

ADD/ADHD that is undiagnosed and untreated can cause problems in virtually every area of your life.

Physical and mental health problems. The symptoms of ADD/ADHD can contribute to a variety of health problems, including compulsive eating, substance abuse, anxiety, chronic stress and tension, and low self-esteem. You may also run into trouble due to neglecting important check-ups, skipping doctor appointments, ignoring medical instructions, and forgetting to take vital medications.

Work and financial difficulties. Adults with ADD/ADHD often experience career difficulties and feel a strong sense of underachievement. You may have trouble keeping a job, following corporate rules, meeting deadlines, and sticking to a 9-to-5 routine. Managing finances may also be a problem: you may struggle with unpaid bills, lost paperwork, late fees, or debt due to impulsive spending.

Relationship problems. The symptoms of ADD/ADHD can put a strain on your work, love, and family relationships. You may be fed up with constant nagging from loved ones to tidy up, listen more closely, or get organized. Those close to you, on the other hand, may feel hurt and resentful over your perceived “irresponsibility” or “insensitivity.”

The wide-reaching effects of ADD/ADHD can lead to embarrassment, frustration, hopelessness, disappointment, and loss of confidence. You may feel like you’ll never be able to get your life under control. That’s why a diagnosis of adult ADD/ADHD can be an enormous source of relief and hope. It helps you understand what you’re up against for the first time and realize that you’re not to blame. The difficulties you’ve had are symptoms of attention deficit disorder—not the result of personal weakness or a character flaw.

Adult ADD/ADHD doesn’t have to hold you back

When you have ADD/ADHD, it’s easy to end up thinking that there’s something wrong with you. But it’s okay to be different. ADD/ADHD isn’t an indicator of intelligence or capability. Certain things may be more difficult for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find your niche and achieve success. The key is to find out what your strengths are and capitalize on them.

It can be helpful to think about attention deficit disorder as a collection of traits that are both positive and negative—just like any other set of qualities you might possess. Along with the impulsivity and disorganization of ADD/ADHD, for example, often come incredible creativity, passion, energy, out-of-the-box thinking, and a constant flow of original ideas. Figure out what you’re good at and set up your environment to support those strengths.

Self-help for adult ADD / ADHD

Armed with an understanding of ADD/ADHD’s challenges and the help of structured strategies, you can make real changes in your life. Many adults with attention deficit disorder have found meaningful ways to manage their symptoms, take advantage of their gifts, and lead productive and satisfying lives. You don’t necessarily need outside intervention—at least not right away. There is a lot you can do to help yourself and get your symptoms under control.

Exercise and eat right. Exercise vigorously and regularly—it helps work off excess energy and aggression in a positive way and soothes and calms the body. Eat a wide variety of healthy foods and limit sugary foods in order to even out mood swings.

Get plenty of sleep. When you’re tired, it’s even more difficult to focus, manage stress, stay productive, and keep on top of your responsibilities. Support yourself by getting between 7-8 hours of sleep every night.

Practice better time management. Set deadlines for everything, even for seemingly small tasks. Use timers and alarms to stay on track. Take breaks at regular intervals. Avoid piles of paperwork or procrastination by dealing with each item as it comes in. Prioritize time-sensitive tasks and write down every assignment, message, or important thought.

Work on your relationships. Schedule activities with friends and keep your engagements. Be vigilant in conversation: listen when others are speaking and try not to speak too quickly yourself. Cultivate relationships with people who are sympathetic and understanding of your struggles with ADD/ADHD.

Create a supportive work environment. Make frequent use of lists, color-coding, reminders, notes-to-self, rituals, and files. If possible, choose work that motivates and interests you. Notice how and when you work best and apply these conditions to your working environment as best you can. It can help to team up with less creative, more organized people—a partnership that can be mutually beneficial.

When to seek outside help for adult ADD / ADHD

If the symptoms of ADD/ADHD are still getting in the way of your life, despite self-help efforts to manage them, it may be time to seek outside support. Adults with ADD/ADHD can benefit from a number of treatments, including behavioral coaching, individual therapy, self-help groups, vocational counseling, educational assistance, and medication.

Treatment for adults with attention deficit disorder, like treatment for kids, should involve a team of professionals, along with the person’s family members and spouse.

Professionals trained in ADD/ADHD can help you:

control impulsive behaviors

manage your time and money

get and stay organized

boost productivity at home and work

manage stress and anger

communicate more clearly

More help for ADD/ADHD in children

ADD/ADHD Help Center: Find ways to stay focused, turn chaos into calm, and manage the symptoms of distraction, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Next step…

Living with ADD / ADHD: How to Help Yourself. There’s hope for adult ADD/ADHD—no matter how out of control your life is, no matter how frazzled and frustrated you feel. With structure, support, and a personalized toolkit of self-help strategies, you can learn how to get organized, efficiently manage your time, take control of your finances, improve job performance, and boost your social skills. Read: Help for Adult ADD / ADHD: Tips for Managing Symptoms and Getting Focused

Social Skills in Adults with ADD/ADHD – Identifies some of the social challenges associated with ADD/ADHD and concrete tips on implementing change. (National Resource Center on ADD/ADHD)

Diagnosis and treatment of adult ADD/ADHD

Diagnosis of ADD/ADHD in Adults – Learn about diagnostic criteria for attention deficit disorder, adult symptoms, and what to expect in an evaluation. (National Resource Center on ADD/ADHD)

CHADD Professional Directory – Once you accept the CHADD agreement, choose a type of professional from the dropdown menu beginning with Any Category. (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)

Attention Deficit Disorder Resources – A directory of providers for professional help with ADD / ADHD. Broaden your search if you don’t get enough providers in your initial search. (Attention Deficit Disorder Resources)

ADD / ADHD coaches

Coaching and ADHD in Adults – This article, reprinted from the National Resource Center on AD/HD, defines ADD / ADHD coaching and discusses how coaches are trained and how to select an ADD / ADHD coach. (ADDResources)

What other readers are saying

“I had been seeing a therapist for performance problems at work. When she recommended that I be evaluated for ADHD, I was stunned. How could I have ADHD? When I found your site, reading your discussion of signs and symptoms in adults was like reading a description of my own life. Since then I have learned much more about ADHD in adults, especially women, and I have learned much about myself and the symptoms that were there my whole life. Thank you for such a helpful site.” ~ New Hampshire

“Thank you for bringing together all this current information about ADD. I have been trying to research it for months, with frustrating results. I guess pulling together info from diverse sources can be pretty challenging for someone with ADD.” ~ New York

“I just read everything you have on ADHD and realized that I have almost all the symptoms. I am currently being treated for major depression and the meds are not working anymore. I now believe that I may have ADHD. I am going to talk to my therapist about this. Thank you for a very informative article.” ~ Ohio

“I have had [ADD/ADHD] since childhood and did not even know until I was married. My husband always made an issue out of so many things I did or did not do, so I . . . had him read it over and he agreed that I exhibited all the symptoms. I appreciated your article because it pointed out that many with this disorder are called lazy or stupid. I remember being called lazy. That really hurt. This article is so good, that I am printing out and giving it to my husband . . . so that he can be reminded of the symptoms of this disorder and try not to get so frustrated with me. I do the tips in your article by trying to eat healthy and exercise. It really does make a difference.” ~ California

Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A. and Robert Segal, M.A. Last updated: August 2015.

Diagnosing Attention Deficit Disorder in Children and Adults

On their own, none of the symptoms of attention deficit disorder are abnormal. Most people feel scattered, unfocused, or distracted at times. Furthermore, the symptoms of ADD/ADHD are easy to confuse with other problems—including learning disabilities and emotional issues—that require totally different treatments. That’s why it’s important to see a mental health specialist to determine if the symptoms really point to ADD/ADHD.

Diagnosing ADD / ADHD: What you need to know

There is no single medical, physical, or other test for diagnosing ADD/ADHD. To determine if you or your child has ADD/ADHD, a doctor or other health professional will need to be involved, and you can expect him or her to use a number of different tools: a checklist of symptoms, answers to questions about past and present problems, or a medical exam to rule out other causes for symptoms.

Keep in mind that the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, such as concentration problems and hyperactivity, can be confused with other disorders and medical problems. Just because it looks like ADD/ADHD doesn’t mean it is, so getting a thorough assessment and diagnosis is important.

Making the ADD / ADHD diagnosis

ADD/ADHD looks different in every person, so there is a wide array of criteria—or measures for testing—to help health professionals reach a diagnosis. It is important to be open and honest with the specialist conducting your evaluation so that he or she can come to the most accurate conclusion.

Important factors in the diagnosis

To be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, you or your child must display a combination of strong ADD/ADHD hallmark symptoms, namely hyperactivity, impulsivity, or inattention. The mental health professional assessing the problem will also look at the following factors:

How severe are the symptoms? To be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, the symptoms must have a negative impact on you or your child’s life. In general, people who truly have ADD/ADHD have major problems in one or more areas of their life, such as their career, finances, or family responsibilities.

When did the symptoms start? Since ADD/ADHD starts in childhood, the doctor or therapist will look at how early the symptoms appeared. If you are an adult, can you trace the symptoms back to your childhood?

How long have the symptoms been bothering you or your child? Symptoms must have been going on for at least 6 months before ADD/ADHD can be diagnosed.

When and where do the symptoms appear? The symptoms of ADD/ADHD must be present in multiple settings, such as at home and school. If the symptoms only appear in one environment, it is unlikely that ADD/ADHD is to blame.

Finding a specialist who can diagnose ADD / ADHD

Qualified professionals trained in diagnosing ADD/ADHD can include clinical psychologists, physicians, or clinical social workers. Choosing a specialist can seem confusing at first. The following are steps you can take toward finding the right person to evaluate you or your child.

Get recommendations. Doctors, therapists, and friends you trust may like a particular specialist. Ask them questions about their choice and try out their recommendation.

Do your homework. Find out the professional certification and academic degrees of the specialists you are looking into. If possible, talk to former patients and clients, and find out what their experience was.

Feel at ease. Feeling comfortable with the specialist is an important part of picking someone right to evaluate you. Try to be yourself, ask questions, and be honest with the professional. You may need to speak with a few specialists before choosing the person that is best for you.

Check price and insurance. Find out how much the specialist will charge and if your health insurance will cover part or all of the ADD/ADHD evaluation. Some insurance policies cover evaluation for ADHD from one kind of specialist, but not from another.

Diagnosing ADD / ADHD in adults

Many people only learn that they have ADD/ADHD when they become adults. Some find out after their children receive the diagnosis; as they become educated about the condition, they realize that they also have it. For others, the symptoms finally outpace their coping skills, causing significant enough problems in their daily life that they seek help. If you recognize the signs and symptoms of ADD/ADHD in yourself, schedule a visit with a mental health professional for an assessment. Once you make that important appointment, being somewhat nervous about it is normal.

If you know what to expect, the process for evaluating ADD/ADHD isn’t confusing or scary. Many professionals will start by asking you to fill out and return questionnaires before an evaluation. You’ll probably be asked to name someone close to you who will also take part in some of the evaluation. To determine if you have ADD/ADHD, you can expect the specialist conducting the evaluation to do any or all of the following:

Ask you about your symptoms, including how long they’ve been bothering you.

Administer ADD/ADHD tests, such as symptom checklists and attention-span tests.

Ask you about problems your symptoms are causing or have caused in the past.

Talk to family members or someone close to you about your symptoms.

Give you a medical exam to rule out other physical causes for the symptoms.

Should I be evaluated for adult ADD / ADHD?

If you have significant problems with any of the following categories, you may want to get evaluated for ADD/ADHD:

Job or career: losing or quitting jobs frequently

Work or school: not performing up to your capacity or ability

Day-to-day tasks: inability to do household chores, pay bills on time, organize things

Emotions: having ongoing stress and worry because you don’t meet goals and responsibilities

Diagnosing ADD / ADHD in children

When seeking a diagnosis for your child, it can be helpful to have a team mentality; you are not alone and with the help of others, you can get to the bottom of your child’s struggles. Together with specialists trained in diagnosing ADD/ADHD, you can help bring about a swift and accurate assessment that leads to treatment.

Your role as a parent

When seeking a diagnosis for your child, you are your child’s best advocate and most important source of support. As a parent in this process, your roles are both emotional and practical. You can provide or ensure:

emotional support for your child during the diagnostic process

the right choice of specialist for your child

unique and helpful information for doctors/specialists

open and honest answers to questions about your child’s history and current adjustment

speed and accuracy of evaluation, and a second opinion if necessary

The doctor’s or specialist’s role

Usually, more than one professional is typically involved in the assessment process for ADD/ADHD in children. Physicians, clinical psychologists, school psychologists, clinical social workers, speech-language pathologists, learning specialists, and educators may each play an important role in the ADD/ADHD evaluation.

As with adults, there are no laboratory or imaging tests available to determine a diagnosis; instead, clinicians base their conclusions on the observable symptoms and by ruling out other disorders. The specialist who conducts your child’s evaluation will ask you a range of questions that you should open honestly and openly. He or she may also:

obtain a thorough medical and family history

order or conduct a general physical and/or neurological exam

lead a comprehensive interview with you, your child, and the child’s teacher(s)

use standardized screening tools for ADD / ADHD

observe your child at play or school

use psychological tests in order to measure IQ and social and emotional adjustment

Doctors, specialists, testing—it may all feel a little overwhelming to figure out a diagnosis for your child. You can take a lot of the chaos out of the process with the following practical steps.

Make an appointment with a specialist. As the parent, you can initiate testing for ADD/ADHD on behalf of your child. The earlier you schedule this appointment, the more quickly you can get help for his or her ADD/ADHD.

Speak to your child’s school. Call you child’s principal and speak directly and openly about your pursuit for a diagnosis. Public schools are required by law to assist you, and in most cases want to do what they can to make school life better for your child.

Give professionals the full picture. When you are asked the tough questions about your child’s behavior, be sure to answer honestly. Your perspective is very important to the evaluation process.

Keep things moving. You are your child’s advocate, and have the power to prevent delays in getting a diagnosis. Trying not to be pushy, check in with doctors or specialists often to see where you are in the process.

If necessary, get a second opinion. If there is any doubt that your child has received a thorough or appropriate evaluation, you can seek another specialist’s help.

Understanding an ADD / ADHD diagnosis

It’s normal to feel upset or intimidated by a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. But keep in mind that getting a diagnosis can be the first step toward making life better. Once you know what you’re dealing with, you can start getting treatment—and that means taking control of symptoms and feeling more confident in every area of life.

What does an ADD / ADHD diagnosis mean?

An ADD/ADHD diagnosis may feel like a label, but it may be more helpful to think of it as an explanation. The diagnosis explains why you may have struggled with things like paying attention, following directions, listening closely, organization—things that seem to come easily to other people.

In this sense, getting a diagnosis can be a relief. You can rest easier knowing that it wasn’t laziness or a lack of intelligence standing in your or your child’s way, but rather a disorder that you can do something about.

Also keep in mind that an ADD/ADHD diagnosis does not mean you are in for a lifetime of suffering. Some people have only mild symptoms, while others experience more pervasive problems. But regardless of where you or your child land on this spectrum, there are many things you can do to manage your symptoms.

Co-existing conditions and ADD / ADHD

It is important to understand that an ADD/ADHD diagnosis does not rule out other mental health conditions. The following disorders are not part of an ADD/ADHD diagnosis but sometimes co-occur with ADD/ADHD, or get confused with it:

Depression – Symptoms include feelings of hopelessness, helpless, and self-loathing, as well as changes in sleep and eating habits and a loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy.

Learning disabilities – Problems with reading, writing, or mathematics. When given standardized tests, the student’s ability or intelligence is substantially higher than his or her achievement.

Substance abuse – The impulsivity and behavioral issues that often go along with ADD/ADHD can lead to alcohol and drug problems.

After an ADD / ADHD diagnosis: Getting help

A diagnosis of ADD/ADHD can be a great wake up call—it can give you the extra push you need to seek help for the symptoms that are getting in the way of your happiness and success. If you or your child is diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, don’t wait to start treatment. The earlier you begin treating the symptoms, the better.

Managing ADD/ADHD takes work. Finding the right treatments for you or your child is a process—one that takes time, persistence, and trial and error. But you can help yourself along the way by keeping the following concepts in mind: much as you can about ADD/ADHD, getting plenty of support, and adopting healthy lifestyle habits.

ADD/ADHD is treatable. Don’t give up hope. With the right treatment and support, you or your child will be able to get the symptoms of ADD/ADHD under control and build the life that you want.

Treatment is your own responsibility. It’s up to you to take action to manage the symptoms of ADD/ADHD. Health professionals can help, but ultimately, the responsibility lies in your own hands.

Learning all you can about ADD/ADHD is key. Understanding the disorder will help you make informed decisions about all aspects of your or your child’s life and treatment.

Support makes all the difference. While treatment is up to you, support from others can help you stay motivated and get you through tough times.

More help for ADD/ADHD in children

ADD/ADHD Help Center: Find ways to stay focused, turn chaos into calm, and manage the symptoms of distraction, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Defining and Diagnosing ADHD – Offers several brief, informative articles describing the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, how children are diagnosed, and the challenges of diagnosing and treating ADD / ADHD. (PBS.org)

Getting a Diagnosis – See “AAP Guidelines,” “Getting a diagnosis through the school system,” and “Specialists for diagnosing ADHD.” (MyADHD.com)

Finding professional help for ADD / ADHD

CHADD Professional Directory – Once you accept the CHADD agreement, choose a type of professional from the dropdown menu beginning with Any Category. (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)

Attention Deficit Disorder Resources – A directory of providers for professional help with ADD / ADHD. Broaden your search if you don’t get enough providers in your initial search. (Attention Deficit Disorder Resources)

What other readers are saying

“Your website has bought me to tears. I have finally made it home. I feel that I can find and develop the right skills that I have been without for so long. Trying to cope with undiagnosed ADHD for most of my 47 years has been a nightmare. I was being treated for depression that I didn’t have. Life looks so much more positive now.” ~ Australia

Helping Children and Teens with ADHD Succeed at School

School creates multiple challenges for kids with ADD/ADHD, but with patience and an effective plan, your child can thrive in the classroom. As a parent, you can work with your child and his or her teacher to implement practical strategies for learning both inside and out of the classroom. With consistent support, these strategies can help your child meet learning challenges—and experience success at school.

Setting up your child for school success

The classroom environment can be a challenging place for a child with ADD/ADHD. The very tasks these students find the most difficult—sitting still, listening quietly, concentrating—are the ones they are required to do all day long. Perhaps most frustrating of all is that most these children want to be able to learn and behave like their unaffected peers. Neurological deficits, not unwillingness, keep kids with attention deficit disorder from learning in traditional ways.

As a parent, you can help your child cope with these deficits and meet the challenges school creates. You can provide the most effective support: equipping your child with learning strategies for the classroom and communicating with teachers about how your child learns best. With support at home and teaching strategies at work in the classroom, there is no reason why kids with ADD/ADHD can’t flourish in school.

ADD / ADHD and school: Tips for working with teachers

Remember that your child’s teacher has a full plate: in addition to managing a group of children with distinct personalities and learning styles, he or she can also expect to have at least one student with ADD/ADHD. Teachers can do their best to help your child with attention deficit disorder learn effectively, but parental involvement can dramatically improve your child’s education. You have the power to optimize your child’s chances for success by supporting the work done in the classroom. If you can work with and support your child’s teacher, you can directly affect the experience of your child with ADD/ADHD in the classroom.

There are a number of ways you can work with teachers to keep your child on track at school. Together you can help your child with ADD/ADHD learn to find his or her feet in the classroom and work effectively through the challenges of the school day.

ADD / ADHD school support strategy 1: Communicate with school and teachers

As a parent, you are your child’s advocate. For your child to succeed in the classroom, it is vital that you communicate his or her needs to the adults at school. It is equally important for you to listen to what the teachers and other school officials have to say.

You can make communication with your child’s school constructive and productive. Try to keep in mind that your mutual purpose is finding out how to best help your child succeed in school. Whether you talk over the phone, email, or meet in person, make an effort to be calm, specific, and above all positive—a good attitude can go a long way in communication with school.

Plan ahead. You can arrange to speak with school officials or teachers before the school year even begins. If the year has started, plan to speak with a teacher or counselor on at least a monthly basis.

Make meetings happen. Agree on a time that works for both you and your child’s teacher and stick to it. Avoid cancelling. If it is convenient, meet in your child’s classroom so you can get a sense of your child’s physical learning environment.

Create goals together. Discuss your hopes for your child’s school success. Together, write down specific and realistic goals and talk about how they can be reached.

Listen carefully. Like you, your child’s teacher wants to see your child succeed at school. Listen to what he or she has to say—even if it is sometimes hard to hear. Avoid interrupting. Understanding your child’s challenges in school is the key to finding solutions that work.

Share information. You know your child’s history, and your child’s teacher sees him or her every day: together you have a lot of information that can lead to better understanding of your child’s hardships. Share your observations freely, and encourage your child’s teachers to do the same.

Ask the hard questions and give a complete picture. Communication can only work effectively if it is honest. Be sure to list any medications your child takes and explain any other treatments. Share with your child’s teacher what tactics work well—and which don’t—for your child at home. Ask if your child is having any problems in school, including on the playground. Find out if your child can get any special services to help with learning.

ADD / ADHD school support strategy 2: Develop and use a behavior plan

Find a behavior plan that works

Click here to download a highly regarded behavior plan called The Daily Report Card, which can be adjusted for elementary, middle and even high school students with ADD/ADHD.

Source: Center for Children and Families

Children with ADD/ADHD are capable of appropriate classroom behavior, but they need structure and clear expectations in order to keep their symptoms in check. As a parent, you can help by developing a behavior plan for your child—and sticking to it. Whatever type of behavior plan you put in place, create it in close collaboration with your child’s teacher and your child.

Kids with attention deficit disorder respond best to specific goals and daily positive reinforcement—as well as worthwhile rewards. Yes, you may have to hang a carrot on a stick to get your child to behave better in class. Create a plan that incorporates small rewards for small victories and larger rewards for bigger accomplishments.

ADD / ADHD and school: Tips for managing symptoms

Tips for teachers

Click here for some teaching strategies to help children with ADD/ADHD in the classroom.

ADD/ADHD impacts each child’s brain differently, so each case can look quite different in the classroom. Children with ADD/ADHD exhibit a range of symptoms: some seem to bounce off the walls, some daydream constantly, and others just can’t seem to follow the rules.

As a parent, you can help your child with ADD/ADHD reduce any or all of these types of behaviors. It is important to understand how attention deficit disorder affects different children’s behavior so that you can choose the appropriate strategies for tackling the problem. There are a variety of fairly straightforward approaches you and your child’s teacher can take to best manage the symptoms of ADD/ADHD—and put your child on the road to school success.

Distractibility

Students with ADD/ADHD may be so easily distracted by noises, passersby, or their own thoughts that they often miss vital classroom information. These children have trouble staying focused on tasks that require sustained mental effort. They may seem to be listening to you, but something gets in the way of their ability to retain the information.

Interrupting

Kids with attention deficit disorder may struggle with controlling their impulses, so they often speak out of turn. In the classroom or home, they call out or comment while others are speaking. Their outbursts may come across as aggressive or even rude, creating social problems as well. The self-esteem of children with ADD/ADHD is often quite fragile, so pointing this issue out in class or in front of family members doesn’t help the problem—and may even make matters worse.

Reducing the interruptions of children with ADD/ADHD should be done carefully so that the child’s self-esteem is maintained, especially in front of others. Develop a “secret language” with the child with ADD/ADHD. You can use discreet gestures or words you have previously agreed upon to let the child know they are interrupting. Praise the child for interruption-free conversations.

Impulsivity

Children with ADD/ADHD may act before thinking, creating difficult social situations in addition to problems in the classroom. Kids who have trouble with impulse control may come off as aggressive or unruly. This is perhaps the most disruptive symptom of ADD/ADHD, particularly at school.

Methods for managing impulsivity include behavior plans, immediate discipline for infractions, and ways to give children with ADD/ADHD a sense of control over their day.

Make sure a written behavior plan is near the student. You can even tape it to the wall or the child’s desk.

Give consequences immediately following misbehavior. Be specific in your explanation, making sure the child knows how they misbehaved.

Recognize good behavior out loud. Be specific in your praise, making sure the child knows what they did right.

Write the schedule for the day on the board or on a piece of paper and cross off each item as it is completed. Children with impulse problems may gain a sense of control and feel calmer when they know what to expect.

Fidgeting and hyperactivity

ADD/ADHD causes many students to be in constant physical motion. It may seem like a struggle for these children to stay in their seats. Kids with ADD/ADHD may jump, kick, twist, fidget and otherwise move in ways that make them difficult to teach.

Strategies for combating hyperactivity consist of creative ways to allow the child with ADD/ADHD to move in appropriate ways at appropriate times. Releasing energy this way may make it easier for the child to keep his or her body calmer during work time.

Ask children with ADD/ADHD to run an errand or do a task for you, even if it just means walking across the room to sharpen pencils or put dishes away.

Encourage the child to play a sport—or at least run around before and after school.

Provide a stress ball, small toy, or other object for the child to squeeze or play with discreetly at his or her seat.

Limit screen time in favor of time for movement.

Make sure a child with ADD/ADHD never misses recess or P.E.

Trouble following directions

Difficulty following directions is a hallmark problem for many children with ADD/ADHD. These kids may look like they understand and might even write down directions, but then aren’t able to do what has been asked. Sometimes these students miss steps and turn in incomplete work, or misunderstand an assignment altogether and wind up doing something else entirely.

Helping children with ADD/ADHD follow directions means taking measures to break down and reinforce the steps involved in your instructions, and redirecting when necessary. Try being extremely brief when giving directions, allowing the child to do one step and then come back to find out what they should do next. If the child gets off track, give a calm reminder, redirecting in a calm but firm voice. Whenever possible, write directions down in a bold marker or in colored chalk on a blackboard.

Medication for ADD/ADHD: What parents should know

Many schools urge parents to medicate children with attention deficit disorder, and you may feel unsure about what this means. While medication can help with the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, it is not a cure and comes with side effects. As a parent, you should weigh the benefits and risks of medications for ADD/ADHD before using them to treat your child.

ADD / ADHD and school: Tips for making learning fun

One positive way to keep your child’s attention focused on learning is to make the process fun. Using physical motion in a lesson, connecting dry facts to interesting trivia, or inventing silly songs that make details easier to remember can help your child enjoy learning and even reduce the symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

Helping children with ADD/ADHD enjoy math

Children who have attention deficit disorder tend to be “concrete” thinkers. They often like to hold, touch, or take part in an experience in order to learn something new. By using games and objects to demonstrate mathematical concepts, you can show your child that math can be meaningful—and fun.

Play games. Use memory cards, dice, or dominoes to make numbers fun. Or simply use your fingers and toes, tucking them in or wiggling them when you add or subtract.

Draw pictures. Especially for word problems, illustrations can help kids better understand mathematical concepts. If the word problem says there are twelve cars, help your child draw them from steering wheel to trunk.

Invent silly acronyms. In order to remember order of operations, for example, make up a song or phrase that uses the first letter of each operation in the correct order.

Helping children with ADD/ADHD enjoy reading

There are many ways to make reading exciting, even if the skill itself tends to be a struggle for children with ADD/ADHD. Keep in mind that reading at its most basic level made up of stories and interesting information—things that all children enjoy.

Read to children. Read with children. Make reading cozy, quality time with you.

Make predictions or “bets.” Constantly ask the child what they think might happen next. Model prediction: “The girl in the story seems pretty brave—I bet she’s going to try to save her family.”

Act out the story. Let the child choose his or her character and assign you one, too. Use funny voices and costumes to bring it to life.

How does your kid like to learn?

When children are given information in a way that makes it easy for them to absorb, learning is a lot more fun. If you understand how your child with ADD/ADHD learns best, you can create enjoyable lessons that pack an informational punch.

Auditory learners learn best by talking and listening. Have these kids recite facts to a favorite song. Let them pretend they are on a radio show and work with others often.

Visual learners learn best through reading or observation. Let them have fun with different fonts on the computer and use colored flash cards to study. Allow them to write or draw their ideas on paper.

Tactile learners learn best by physically touching something or moving as part of a lesson. For these students, provide jellybeans for counters and costumes for acting out parts of literature or history. Let them use clay and make collages.

It’s tough to enjoy learning when there is something undiagnosed standing in the way. In addition to ADD/ADHD, children may also be affected by learning disabilities. These issues make even the most exciting lessons extremely difficult for students. Like children with attention deficit disorder, children with learning disabilities can succeed in the classroom, and there are many ways you can help.

ADD / ADHD and school: Tips for mastering homework

Sure, kids may universally dread it—but for a parent of a child with ADD/ADHD, homework is a golden opportunity. Academic work done outside the classroom provides you as the parent with a chance to directly support your child. It’s a time you can help your child succeed at school where you both feel most comfortable: your own living room.

With your support, kids with ADD/ADHD can use homework time not only for math problems or writing essays, but also for practicing the organizational and study skills they need to thrive in the classroom.

Helping a child with ADD / ADHD get organized

With organization, it can help to get a fresh start. Even if it’s not the start of the academic year, go shopping with your child and pick out school supplies that include folders, a three-ring binder, and color-coded dividers. Help the child file his or her papers into this new system.

Establish a homework folder for finished homework.

Check and help the child organize his or her belongings on a daily basis, including his or her backpack, folders, and even pockets.

If possible, keep an extra set of textbooks and other materials at home.

Help the child learn to make and use checklists, crossing items off as they are accomplished.

Help organize loose papers by color coding folders and showing the child how to hole-punch and file appropriately.

Helping a child with ADD / ADHD get homework done and turned in on time

Understanding concepts and getting organized are two steps in the right direction, but homework also has to get done in a single evening—and turned in on time. Help a child with ADD/ADHD to the finish line with strategies that provide consistent structure.

Pick a specific time and place for homework that is as free as possible of clutter, pets, and television.

Allow the child breaks as often as every ten to twenty minutes.

Teach a better understanding of the passage of time: use an analog clock and timers to monitor homework efficiency.

Set up a homework procedure at school: establish a place where the student can easily find his or her finished homework and pick an appropriate and consistent time to hand in work to the teacher.

More help for ADD/ADHD in children

ADD/ADHD Help Center: Find ways to stay focused, turn chaos into calm, and manage the symptoms of distraction, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Resources and references

Helping your child with ADD / ADHD succeed at school

Supporting School Success — A range of suggestions about supporting your child with ADD/ADHD at school, including how to get your child organized, enlisting the school’s help, and seeking evaluation. (American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry)

Teaching Children with ADHD — In-depth guide to teaching children with ADD/ADHD. Includes articles on lesson planning, instructional techniques, behavioral strategies, and communication with parents. (Teach ADHD)

Special education services for children with ADD / ADHD

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (PDF) — Briefing paper for parents and teachers. Section III addresses school issues and special education for students with ADD/ADHD. (National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities)

Contents of the IEP — Guide to the Individualized Education Program (IEP), a document developed by the child’s parents and school staff that addresses the special educational services that the child will receive. (Center for Parent Information and Resources)

What other readers are saying

“I find the information on ADHD refreshing and so empowering for me and my ADHD 12 year old son. He’s on Ritalin but his grades continue to decline. It’s frustrating for both of us but your site has empowered me to handle the situation.” ~ South Africa

Signs and Symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder in Kids

It’s normal for children to occasionally forget their homework, daydream during class, act without thinking, or get fidgety at the dinner table. But inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity are also signs of attention deficit disorder (ADD/ADHD), which can affect your child’s ability to learn and get along with others. The first step to addressing the problem is to recognize the signs and symptoms.

What is ADD / ADHD?

We all know kids who can’t sit still, who never seem to listen, who don’t follow instructions no matter how clearly you present them, or who blurt out inappropriate comments at inappropriate times. Sometimes these children are labeled as troublemakers, or criticized for being lazy and undisciplined. However, they may have ADD/ADHD.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a disorder that appears in early childhood. You may know it by the name attention deficit disorder, or ADD. ADD/ADHD makes it difficult for people to inhibit their spontaneous responses—responses that can involve everything from movement to speech to attentiveness.

Is it normal kid behavior or is it ADHD?

The signs and symptoms of ADD/ADHD typically appear before the age of seven. However, it can be difficult to distinguish between attention deficit disorder and normal “kid behavior.”

If you spot just a few signs, or the symptoms appear only in some situations, it’s probably not ADD/ADHD. On the other hand, if your child shows a number of ADD/ADHD signs and symptoms that are present across all situations—at home, at school, and at play—it’s time to take a closer look.

Once you understand the issues your child is struggling with, such as forgetfulness or difficulty paying attention in school, you can work together to find creative solutions and capitalize on strengths.

Myths about Attention Deficit Disorder

Myth #1: All kids with ADD/ADHD are hyperactive.

Fact: Some children with ADD/ADHD are hyperactive, but many others with attention problems are not. Children with ADD/ADHD who are inattentive, but not overly active, may appear to be spacey and unmotivated.

Myth #2: Kids with ADD/ADHD can never pay attention.

Fact: Children with ADD/ADHD are often able to concentrate on activities they enjoy. But no matter how hard they try, they have trouble maintaining focus when the task at hand is boring or repetitive.

Myth #3: Kids with ADD/ADHD could behave better if they wanted to.

Fact: Children with ADD/ADHD may do their best to be good, but still be unable to sit still, stay quiet, or pay attention. They may appear disobedient, but that doesn’t mean they’re acting out on purpose.

Myth #4: Kids will eventually grow out of ADD/ADHD.

Fact: ADD/ADHD often continues into adulthood, so don’t wait for your child to outgrow the problem. Treatment can help your child learn to manage and minimize the symptoms.

Myth #5: Medication is the best treatment option for ADD/ADHD.

Fact: Medication is often prescribed for attention deficit disorder, but it might not be the best option for your child. Effective treatment for ADD/ADHD also includes education, behavior therapy, support at home and school, exercise, and proper nutrition.

The primary characteristics of ADD / ADHD

When many people think of attention deficit disorder, they picture an out-of-control kid in constant motion, bouncing off the walls and disrupting everyone around. But this is not the only possible picture.

Some children with ADD/ADHD are hyperactive, while others sit quietly—with their attention miles away. Some put too much focus on a task and have trouble shifting it to something else. Others are only mildly inattentive, but overly impulsive.

The three primary characteristics of ADD / ADHD

Which one of these children may have ADD/ADHD?

The hyperactive boy who talks nonstop and can’t sit still.

The quiet dreamer who sits at her desk and stares off into space.

Both A and B

The correct answer is “C.”

The three primary characteristics of ADD/ADHD are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. The signs and symptoms a child with attention deficit disorder has depends on which characteristics predominate.

Children with ADD/ADHD may be:

Inattentive, but not hyperactive or impulsive.

Hyperactive and impulsive, but able to pay attention.

Inattentive, hyperactive, and impulsive (the most common form of ADD/ADHD).

Children who only have inattentive symptoms of ADD/ADHD are often overlooked, since they’re not disruptive. However, the symptoms of inattention have consequences: getting in hot water with parents and teachers for not following directions; underperforming in school; or clashing with other kids over not playing by the rules.

Spotting ADD / ADHD at different ages

Because we expect very young children to be easily distractible and hyperactive, it’s the impulsive behaviors—the dangerous climb, the blurted insult—that often stand out in preschoolers with ADD/ADHD.

By age four or five, though, most children have learned how to pay attention to others, to sit quietly when instructed to, and not to say everything that pops into their heads. So by the time children reach school age, those with ADD/ADHD stand out in all three behaviors: inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Hyperactivity signs and symptoms of ADD/ADHD

It isn’t that children with ADD/ADHD can’t pay attention: when they’re doing things they enjoy or hearing about topics in which they’re interested, they have no trouble focusing and staying on task. But when the task is repetitive or boring, they quickly tune out.

Staying on track is another common problem. Children with ADD/ADHD often bounce from task to task without completing any of them, or skip necessary steps in procedures. Organizing their schoolwork and their time is harder for them than it is for most children.

Kids with ADD/ADHD also have trouble concentrating if there are things going on around them; they usually need a calm, quiet environment in order to stay focused.

Symptoms of inattention in children:

Doesn’t pay attention to details

Makes careless mistakes

Has trouble staying focused; is easily distracted

Appears not to listen when spoken to

Has difficulty remembering things and following instructions

Has trouble staying organized, planning ahead, and finishing projects

Gets bored with a task before it’s completed

Frequently loses or misplaces homework, books, toys, or other items

Impulsivity signs and symptoms of ADD/ADHD

The most obvious sign of ADD/ADHD is hyperactivity. While many children are naturally quite active, kids with hyperactive symptoms of attention deficit disorder are always moving.

They may try to do several things at once, bouncing around from one activity to the next. Even when forced to sit still which can be very difficult for them their foot is tapping, their leg is shaking, or their fingers are drumming.

Symptoms of hyperactivity in children:

Constantly fidgets and squirms

Often leaves his or her seat in situations where sitting quietly is expected

Moves around constantly, often runs or climbs inappropriately

Talks excessively

Has difficulty playing quietly or relaxing

Is always “on the go,” as if driven by a motor

May have a quick temper or a “short fuse”

Impulsive signs and symptoms of ADD/ADHD

The impulsivity of children with ADD/ADHD can cause problems with self-control. Because they censor themselves less than other kids do, they’ll interrupt conversations, invade other people’s space, ask irrelevant questions in class, make tactless observations, and ask overly personal questions.

Instructions like “Be patient” and “Just wait a little while” are twice as hard for children with ADD/ADHD to follow as they are for other youngsters.

Children with impulsive signs and symptoms of ADD/ADHD also tend to be moody and to overreact emotionally. As a result, others may start to view the child as disrespectful, weird, or needy.

Symptoms of impulsivity in children:

Acts without thinking

Blurts out answers in class without waiting to be called on or hear the whole question

Is it really ADD / ADHD?

Just because a child has symptoms of inattention, impulsivity, or hyperactivity does not mean that he or she has ADD or ADHD. Certain medical conditions, psychological disorders, and stressful life events can cause symptoms that look like ADD / ADHD.

Before an accurate diagnosis of ADD / ADHD can be made, it is important that you see a mental health professional to explore and rule out the following possibilities:

A learning disability may be mistaken for ADHD

Think your child has attention deficit disorder? Sometimes, kids who are having trouble in school are incorrectly diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, when what they really have is a learning disability. Furthermore, many kids struggle with both ADD/ADHD and a learning disability.

Positive effects of ADD / ADHD in children

In addition to the challenges, there are also positive traits associated with people who have attention deficit disorder:

Creativity – Children who have ADD/ADHD can be marvelously creative and imaginative. The child who daydreams and has ten different thoughts at once can become a master problem-solver, a fountain of ideas, or an inventive artist. Children with ADD/ADHD may be easily distracted, but sometimes they notice what others don’t see.

Flexibility – Because children with ADD/ADHD consider a lot of options at once, they don’t become set on one alternative early on and are more open to different ideas.

Enthusiasm and spontaneity – Children with ADD/ADHD are rarely boring! They’re interested in a lot of different things and have lively personalities. In short, if they’re not exasperating you (and sometimes even when they are), they’re a lot of fun to be with.

Energy and drive – When kids with ADD/ADHD are motivated, they work or play hard and strive to succeed. It actually may be difficult to distract them from a task that interests them, especially if the activity is interactive or hands-on.

Keep in mind, too, that ADD/ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence or talent. Many children with ADD/ADHD are intellectually or artistically gifted.

Helping a child with ADD / ADHD

Whether or not your child’s symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity are due to ADD/ADHD, they can cause many problems if left untreated. Children who can’t focus and control themselves may struggle in school, get into frequent trouble, and find it hard to get along with others or make friends. These frustrations and difficulties can lead to low self-esteem as well as friction and stress for the whole family.

But treatment can make a dramatic difference in your child’s symptoms. With the right support, your child can get on track for success in all areas of life.

Don’t wait to get help for your child

If your child struggles with symptoms that look like ADD/ADHD, don’t wait to seek professional help. You can treat your child’s symptoms of hyperactivity, inattention, and impulsivity without having a diagnosis of attention deficit disorder.

Options to start with include getting your child into therapy, implementing a better diet and exercise plan, and modifying the home environment to minimize distractions.

If you do receive a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD, you can then work with your child’s doctor, therapist, and school to make a personalized treatment plan that meets his or her specific needs. Effective treatment for childhood ADD/ADHD involves behavioral therapy, parent education and training, social support, and assistance at school. Medication may also be used, however, it should never be the sole attention deficit disorder treatment.

Parenting tips for children with ADD / ADHD

If your child is hyperactive, inattentive, or impulsive, it may take a lot of energy to get him or her to listen, finish a task, or sit still. The constant monitoring can be frustrating and exhausting. Sometimes you may feel like your child is running the show. But there are steps you can take to regain control of the situation, while simultaneously helping your child make the most of his or her abilities.

While attention deficit disorder is not caused by bad parenting, there are effective parenting strategies that can go a long way to correct problem behaviors.

Children with ADD/ADHD need structure, consistency, clear communication, and rewards and consequences for their behavior. They also need lots of love, support, and encouragement.

There are many things parents can do to reduce the signs and symptoms of ADD/ADHD without sacrificing the natural energy, playfulness, and sense of wonder unique in every child.

School tips for children with ADD / ADHD

ADD/ADHD, obviously, gets in the way of learning. You can’t absorb information or get your work done if you’re running around the classroom or zoning out on what you’re supposed to be reading or listening to.

Think of what the school setting requires children to do: Sit still. Listen quietly. Pay attention. Follow instructions. Concentrate. These are the very things kids with ADD/ADHD have a hard time doing—not because they aren’t willing, but because their brains won’t let them.

But that doesn’t mean kids with ADD/ADHD can’t succeed at school. There are many things both parents and teachers can do to help children with ADD/ADHD thrive in the classroom. It starts with evaluating each child’s individual weaknesses and strengths, then coming up with creative strategies for helping the child focus, stay on task, and learn to his or her full capability.

Are ADHD Drugs Right for You or Your Child?

Medication can help reduce symptoms of hyperactivity, inattentiveness, and impulsivity in children and adults with ADD/ADHD. However, medications come with side effects and risks—and are not the only treatment option. Whether you’re the parent or the patient, it’s important to learn the facts about ADD/ADHD medication so you can make an informed decision about what’s best for you or your child.

Medication for ADD / ADHD: What you need to know

Making ADD/ADHD medication decisions can be difficult, but doing your homework helps. The first thing to understand is exactly what the medications for ADD and ADHD can and can’t do. ADHD medication may help improve the ability to concentrate, control impulses, plan ahead, and follow through with tasks. However, it isn’t a magic pill that will fix all of your or your child’s problems. Even when the medication is working, a child with ADD/ADHD might still struggle with forgetfulness, emotional problems, and social awkwardness, or an adult with disorganization, distractibility, and relationship difficulties. That’s why it’s so important to also make lifestyle changes that include regular exercise, a healthy diet, and sufficient sleep.

Medication doesn’t cure ADD/ADHD. It can relieve symptoms while it’s being taken, but once medication stops, those symptoms come back. Also, ADD/ADHD medication works better for some than for others. Some people experience dramatic improvement while others experience only modest gains. Because each person responds differently and unpredictably to medication for ADHD, its use should always be personalized to the individual and closely monitored by a doctor. When medication for ADD/ADHD is not carefully monitored, it is less effective and more risky.

Generic vs. Brand-Name Drugs

Generic drugs have the same use, dosage, side effects, risks, safety profile, and potency as the original brand-name drug. The main reason why generic drugs are cheaper than brand-name drugs is that the generic drug manufacturer does not need to recoup huge expenses for developing and marketing a drug. Once the patent for the original drug has expired, other manufacturers can produce the same drug with the same ingredients at a markedly lower cost.

Occasionally, brand-name drugs have different coatings or color dyes to change their appearance. In rare cases, these extra ingredients will make the generic form of the drug less tolerable, so if your condition worsens after switching from a brand-name to a generic drug, consult your doctor. In most cases, however, generic drugs are just as safe and effective as brand-name drugs.

Stimulant medications for ADD / ADHD

Stimulants are the most common type of medication prescribed for attention deficit disorder. They have the longest track record for treating ADD/ADHD and the most research to back up their effectiveness. The stimulant class of medication includes widely used drugs such as Ritalin, Adderall, and Dexedrine.

Stimulants are believed to work by increasing dopamine levels in the brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with motivation, pleasure, attention, and movement. For many people with ADD or ADHD, stimulant medications boost concentration and focus while reducing hyperactive and impulsive behaviors.

Short-acting vs. long-acting stimulants for ADD / ADHD

Stimulants for ADD/ADHD come in both short- and long-acting dosages. Short-acting stimulants peak after several hours, and must be taken 2-3 times a day. Long-acting or extended-release stimulants last 8-12 hours, and are usually taken just once a day.

The long-acting versions of ADD/ADHD medication are often preferred, since people with ADHD often have trouble remembering to take their pills. Taking just one dose a day is much easier and more convenient.

Common side effects of stimulants for ADD / ADHD:

Feeling restless and jittery

Difficulty sleeping

Loss of appetite

Headaches

Upset stomach

Irritability, mood swings

Depression

Dizziness

Racing heartbeat

Tics

Stimulant medications may also cause personality changes. Some people become withdrawn, listless, rigid, or less spontaneous and talkative. Others develop obsessive-compulsive symptoms. Since stimulants raise blood pressure and heart rate, many experts worry about the dangers of taking these ADD/ADHD drugs for extended periods.

ADD / ADHD Stimulant safety concerns

Stimulant Medication Red Flags

Call your doctor right away if you or your child experience any of the following symptoms while taking stimulant medication for ADD or ADHD:

chest pain

shortness of breath

fainting

seeing or hearing things that aren’t real

suspicion or paranoia

Beyond the potential side effects, there are a number of safety concerns associated with the stimulant medications for ADD/ADHD.

Effect on the developing brain — The long-term impact of ADD/ADHD medication on the youthful, developing brain is not yet known. Some researchers are concerned that the use of drugs such as Ritalin in children and teens might interfere with normal brain development.

Heart-related problems — ADD/ADHD stimulant medications have been found to cause sudden death in children and adults with heart conditions. The American Heart Association recommends that all individuals, including children, have a cardiac evaluation prior to starting a stimulant. An electrocardiogram is recommended if the person has a history of heart problems.

Psychiatric problems — Stimulants for ADD/ADHD can trigger or exacerbate symptoms of hostility, aggression, anxiety, depression, and paranoia. People with a personal or family history of suicide, depression, or bipolar disorder are at a particularly high risk, and should be carefully monitored when taking stimulants.

Potential for abuse — Stimulant abuse is a growing problem, particularly among teens and young adults. College students take them for a boost when cramming for exams or pulling all-nighters. Others abuse stimulant meds for their weight-loss properties. If your child is taking stimulants, make sure he or she isn’t sharing the pills or selling them.

ADD / ADHD stimulants are not recommended for those with:

Any type of heart defect or diseases

High blood pressure

Hyperthyroidism

Glaucoma

High levels of anxiety

A history of drug abuse

Non-stimulant medications for ADD / ADHD

In addition to the traditional stimulant drugs, there are several other medications used to treat ADD/ADHD, including Strattera, atypical antidepressants, and certain blood pressure medications. In most cases, non-stimulant medications are considered when stimulants haven’t worked or have caused intolerable side effects.

Strattera

Strattera Suicide Risk in Children

Strattera may cause an increase in suicidal thoughts and actions in some children and teenagers, especially if your child has bipolar disorder or depression in addition to ADD/ADHD.

Strattera, also known by its generic name atomoxetine, is the only non-stimulant medication approved by the FDA for ADD/ADHD treatment. Unlike stimulants, which affect dopamine, Strattera boosts the levels of norepinephrine, a different brain chemical.

Strattera is longer-acting than the stimulant drugs. Its effects last over 24 hours—making it a good option for those who have trouble getting going in the morning. Since it has some antidepressant properties, it’s also a top choice for those with co-existing anxiety or depression. Another plus is that it doesn’t exacerbate tics or Tourette’s Syndrome.

On the other hand, Strattera doesn’t appear to be as effective as the stimulant medications for treating symptoms of hyperactivity.

Common side effects of Strattera include:

Sleepiness

Headache

Abdominal pain or upset stomach

Nausea and vomiting

Dizziness

Mood swings

Sleepiness

Headache

Abdominal pain or upset stomach

Nausea and vomiting

Dizziness

Mood swings

Straterra can also cause insomnia and appetite suppression, but these side effects are more common in stimulants.

Other ADD / ADHD medication options

The following medications are sometimes used “off-label” in the treatment of attention deficit disorder, although they are not FDA approved for this purpose. They should only be considered when stimulants or Strattera aren’t viable options.

High blood pressure medication for ADD/ADHD – Certain blood pressure medications can be used to treat ADD/ADHD. Options include clonidine (Catapres) and guanfacine (Tenex). But while these medications can be effective for hyperactivity, impulsivity, and aggression, they are less helpful when it comes to attention problems.

Antidepressants for ADD/ADHD – For people suffering from both ADHD and depression, certain antidepressants, which target multiple neurotransmitters in the brain, may be prescribed. Wellbutrin, also known by the generic name bupropion, is most widely used. Wellbutrin targets both norepinephrine and dopamine. Another option is the use of tricyclic antidepressants.

ADD / ADHD medications and your child

Even when armed with all the facts, deciding whether or not to let your child take ADD/ADHD medication isn’t always easy. If you’re unsure, don’t rush the decision. Sometimes other medical conditions–or even normal childhood behavior–can be mistaken for ADD/ADHD symptoms, so be sure to eliminate all other possible causes before considering medication for your child. Take your time to weigh the options and get your child’s input in the decision-making process.

Most importantly, trust your instincts and do what feels right to you. Don’t let anyone–be it your physician or the principal at your child’s school–pressure your child into medication if you’re not comfortable with it. Remember: medication isn’t the only treatment option. For young children especially, medication should be viewed as a last resort, not the first course of treatment to try.

Questions to ask an ADD / ADHD specialist

Consulting with an ADD/ADHD specialist or an experienced psychiatrist can help you understand the pros and cons of medication. Here are some questions to ask:

When deciding whether or not to put your child on medication, Jerome Schultz, Ph.D., ADHD expert, says to first consider the following questions:

Has my child been helped by non-medication approaches? Self-calming techniques, deep breathing, and yoga often can help children with ADHD.

Has the school tried to teach my child to be more attentive and less active?

Is the decision to put my child on medication the result of behavioral observations over time and in different settings, such as in school and at home?

When is my child at his or her best? Fishing with his uncle or playing video games? Help the physician understand how pervasive or selective the problem is.

Does my child have other conditions that can be mistaken for hyperactivity? Children exposed to toxic chemicals or who have undiagnosed learning disabilities and low-level anxiety disorder may produce similar behaviors.

Source: Family Education Network

Talking to your child about ADD / ADHD medication

Many kids and teens with ADD/ADHD don’t take their medication correctly—or stop taking it without talking to their parents or doctor—so if your child is on ADD meds, make sure that he or she understands how to take the medication correctly and why following prescription guidelines are important.

Encourage your child to come to you with any medication-related concerns so you can work together to solve the problem or find another treatment option. It’s also important to remember that ADD/ADHD medication should never have a numbing effect on a child’s energy, curiosity or enthusiasm. A child still needs to behave like a child.

Monitoring Medication’s Effects on Your Child

Here is a list of questions you should ask when your child begins medication therapy, changes dosage, or starts taking a different medication.

Is the medication having a positive impact on your child’s mood and/or behavior?

Do you think the dosage or medication is working?

Does your child think the dosage or medication is working?

Does the dose need to be increased or decreased?

What was the change in a specific behavior or set of behaviors that caused you to conclude that the medication needed to be evaluated?

Is your child experiencing any side effects, such as headaches, stomachaches, fatigue or sleeplessness, (or suicidal thoughts if taking Strattera)?

What is the likelihood those side effects will last? (Ask your doctor)

Do any lasting side effects (if any) outweigh the medication’s benefits?

Do you or your child think a medication or dosage level has stopped working?

Source: From Chaos to Calm: Effective Parenting of Challenging Children with ADHD and Other Behavioral Problems, by Janet E. Heininger and Sharon K. Weiss.

Medication alone is not enough

Treatment for attention deficit disorder isn’t just about seeing doctors or taking medication. There is a lot you can do to help yourself or your child tackle the challenges of ADD/ADHD and lead a calmer, more productive life. With the right tips and tools, you can manage many of the symptoms of your ADD/ADHD on your own. Even if you choose to take medication, healthy lifestyle habits and other self-help strategies may enable you to take a lower dose.

Exercise regularly. Exercising is one of the most effective ways to reduce the symptoms of ADD/ADHD. Physical activity boosts the brain’s dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin levels—all of which affect focus and attention. Try walking, skateboarding, hiking, dancing or playing a favorite sport. Encourage your child to put down the video games and play outside.

Eat a healthy diet. While diet doesn’t cause ADD/ADHD, it does have an effect on mood, energy levels, and symptoms. Set regular snack and meal times. Add more omega-3 fatty acids to your diet and make sure you’re getting enough zinc, iron and magnesium.

Get plenty of sleep. Regular quality sleep can lead to vast improvement in the symptoms of ADD/ADHD. Simple changes to daytime habits go a long way toward resting well at night. Have a set bedtime and stick to it. Avoid caffeine later in the day.

Try therapy. ADD/ADHD professionals can help you or your child learn new skills to cope with symptoms and change habits that are causing problems. Some therapies focus on managing stress and anger or controlling impulsive behaviors, while others teach you how to manage time, improve organizational skills, and persist toward goals.

Maintain a positive attitude. A positive attitude and common sense are your best assets for treating ADD/ADHD. When you are in a good frame of mind, you are more likely to be able to connect with your own needs or your child’s.

Guidelines for taking ADD / ADHD medication

If you decide to take medication for ADD/ADHD, it’s important to take the drug as directed. Following your doctor and pharmacist’s instructions will help you maximize the effectiveness of medication for ADD/ADHD and minimize the side effects and risks. Here are some guidelines for safe use:

Learn about the prescribed medication. Find out everything you can about the ADD/ADHD medication you or your child is taking, including potential side effects, how often to take it, special warnings, and other substances that should be avoided, such as over-the-counter cold medication.

Be patient. Finding the right medication and dose is a trial-and-error process. It will take some experimenting, as well as open, honest communication with your doctor.

Start small. It’s always best to start with a low dose and work up from there. The goal is to find the lowest possible dose that relieves you or your child’s symptoms.

Monitor the drug’s effects. Pay close attention to the effect the medication is having on your or your child’s emotions and behavior. Keep track of any side effects and monitor how well the medication is working to reduce symptoms.

Taper off slowly. If you or your child wants to stop taking medication, call the doctor for guidance on gradually decreasing the dose. Abruptly stopping medication can lead to unpleasant withdrawal symptoms such as irritability, fatigue, depression, and headache.

Dealing with the side effects of ADD / ADHD medication

Most children and adults taking medication for ADD/ADHD will experience at least a few side effects. Sometimes, side effects go away after the first few weeks on the medication. You may also be able to eliminate or reduce unpleasant side effects with a few simple strategies.

Tips for minimizing side effects

Loss of appetite – To deal with reduced appetite, eat healthy snacks throughout the day and push dinner to a later time when the medication has worn off.

Insomnia – If getting to sleep is a problem, try taking the stimulant earlier in the day. If you or your child is taking an extended-release stimulant, you can also try switching to the short-acting form. Also avoid caffeinated beverages, especially in the afternoon or evening.

Stomach upset or headaches – Don’t take the medication on an empty stomach, which can cause nausea, stomach pain, and headaches. Headaches can also be triggered by medication that’s wearing off, so switching to a long-acting drug may help.

Dizziness – First, have you or your child’s blood pressure checked. If it’s normal, you may want to reduce your dose or switch to a long-acting stimulant. Also make sure you’re drinking enough fluids.

Mood changes – If medication is causing irritability, depression, agitation, or other emotional side effects, try lowering the dose. Moodiness may also be caused by the rebound effect, in which case it may help to overlap the doses or switch to an extended-release medication.

If troublesome side effects persist despite your best efforts to manage them, talk to your doctor about adjusting the dose or trying a different drug. Many people respond better to the long-acting or extended release formulations of ADHD medication, which build gradually in the bloodstream and then wear off slowly. This minimizes the ups and downs caused by fluctuating medication levels and causes less of a rebound effect, where symptoms return, often worse than before, as the drug wears off.

More help for ADD/ADHD in children

ADD/ADHD Help Center: Find ways to stay focused, turn chaos into calm, and manage the symptoms of distraction, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

What If Einstein Had Taken Ritalin? – Examines the effects of Ritalin and other ADD/ADHD drugs on active kids and questions what effects these drugs might have had if some famous people had taken them. (Overmatter.com – reprint of Wall Street Journal article)

Helping Children and Teens with Attention Deficit Disorder

Life with a child with ADD/ADHD can be frustrating and overwhelming, but as a parent there is a lot you can do to help control and reduce the symptoms. You can help your child overcome daily challenges, channel his or her energy into positive arenas, and bring greater calm to your family. The earlier and more consistently you address your child’s problems, the greater chance they have for success in life.

Helping your child with ADD/ADHD: What you need to know

Children with ADD/ADHD generally have deficits in executive function: the ability to think and plan ahead, organize, control impulses, and complete tasks. That means you need to take over as the executive, providing extra guidance while your child gradually acquires executive skills of his or her own.

Although the symptoms of ADD/ADHD can be nothing short of exasperating, it’s important to remember that the child with ADD/ADHD who is ignoring, annoying, or embarrassing you is not acting willfully. Kids with ADD/ADHD want to sit quietly; they want to make their rooms tidy and organized; they want to do everything their parent says to do—but they don’t know how to make these things happen.

Having ADD/ADHD can be just as frustrating as dealing with someone who has it. If you keep this in mind, it will be a lot easier to respond to you child in positive, supportive ways. With patience, compassion, and plenty of support, you can manage childhood ADHD while enjoying a stable, happy home.

ADD/ADHD and the family

Before you can successfully parent a child with ADD/ADHD, it’s essential to understand the impact of your child’s symptoms on the family as a whole. Children with ADD/ADHD exhibit a slew of behaviors that can disrupt family life:

They often don’t “hear” parental instructions, so they don’t obey them.

They’re disorganized and easily distracted, keeping other family members waiting.

They start projects and forget to finish them—let alone clean up after them.

Children with impulsivity issues often interrupt conversations and demand attention at inappropriate times.

They might speak before they think, saying tactless or embarrassing things.

It’s often difficult to get them to bed and to sleep.

Hyperactive children may tear around the house or even do things that put them in physical danger.

The impact of ADD/ADHD on siblings

Because of these behaviors, siblings of children with ADD/ADHD face a number of challenges:

Their needs often get less attention than those of the child with ADD/ADHD.

They may be rebuked more sharply when they err, and their successes may be less celebrated or taken for granted.

They may be enlisted as assistant parents—and blamed if the sibling with ADD/ADHD misbehaves under their supervision.

As a result, siblings may find their love for a brother or sister with ADD/ADHD mixed with jealousy and resentment.

The impact of ADD/ADHD on parents

And, of course, having a child with ADD/ADHD affects parents in many ways:

The demands of a child with ADD/ADHD can be physically exhausting.

The need to monitor the child’s activities and actions can be psychologically exhausting.

The child’s inability to “listen” is frustrating.

The child’s behaviors, and your knowledge of their consequences, can make you anxious and stressed.

If there’s a basic difference between your personality and that of your child with ADD/ADHD, you may find your child’s behaviors especially difficult to accept.

Frustration can lead to anger—and guilt about being angry at your child.

In order to meet the challenges of raising a child with ADD/ADHD, you must to be able to master a combination of compassion and consistency. Living in a home that provides both love and structure is the best thing for a child or teenager who is learning to manage ADD/ADHD.

ADD/ADHD parenting tip 1: Stay positive and healthy yourself

As a parent, you set the stage for your child’s emotional and physical health. You have control over many of the factors that can positively influence the symptoms of your child’s disorder.

The power of a positive attitude

Your best assets for helping your child meet the challenges of ADD/ADHD are your positive attitude and common sense. When you are calm and focused, you are more likely to be able to connect with your child, helping him or her to be calm and focused as well.

Keep things in perspective. Remember that your child’s behavior is related to a disorder. Most of the time it is not intentional. Hold on to your sense of humor. What’s embarrassing today may be a funny family story ten years from now.

Don’t sweat the small stuff and be willing to make some compromises. One chore left undone isn’t a big deal when your child has completed two others plus the day’s homework. If you are a perfectionist, you will not only be constantly dissatisfied but also create impossible expectations for your ADD/ADHD child.

Believe in your child. Think about or make a written list of everything that is positive, valuable, and unique about your child. Trust that your child can learn, change, mature, and succeed. Make thinking about this trust a daily task as you brush your teeth or make your coffee.

When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of your child

As your child’s role model and most important source of strength, it is vital that you live healthfully. If you are overtired or have simply run out of patience, you risk losing sight of the structure and support you have so carefully set up for your child with ADD/ADHD.

Take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, and find ways to reduce stress, whether it means taking a nightly bath or practicing morning meditation. If you do get sick, acknowledge it and get help.

Seek support. One of the most important things to remember in rearing a child with ADD/ADHD is that you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to your child’s doctors, therapists, and teachers. Join an organized support group for parents of children with ADHD. These groups offer a forum for giving and receiving advice, and provide a safe place to vent feelings and share experiences.

Take breaks. Friends and family can be wonderful about offering to babysit, but you may feel guilty about leaving your child, or leaving the volunteer with a child with ADD/ADHD. Next time, accept their offer and discuss honestly how best to handle your child.

How pets can help kids with ADHD (and their parents )

If your home life feels chaotic, you may be reluctant to add a pet to the mix. But pets come with a host of benefits for you and your child. They can help teach your kid responsibility and get him or her outside. They can also inject some much-needed fun and help the whole family blow off steam. In fact, studies show that pets can protect you from depression, stress, and even medical problems.

ADD/ADHD parenting tip 2: Establish structure and stick to it

Children with ADHD are more likely to succeed in completing tasks when the tasks occur in predictable patterns and in predictable places. Your job is to create and sustain structure in your home, so that your child knows what to expect and what they are expected to do.

Tips for helping your child with ADD/ADHD stay focused and organized

Follow a routine. It is important to set a time and a place for everything to help the child with ADD/ADHD understand and meet expectations. Establish simple and predictable rituals for meals, homework, play, and bed. Have your child lay out clothes for the next morning before going to bed, and make sure whatever he or she needs to take to school is in a special place, ready to grab.

Use clocks and timers. Consider placing clocks throughout the house, with a big one in your child’s bedroom. Allow enough time for what your child needs to do, such as homework or getting ready in the morning. Use a timer for homework or transitional times, such between finishing up play and getting ready for bed.

Simplify your child’s schedule. It is good to avoid idle time, but a child with ADHD may become more distracted and “wound up” if there are many after-school activities. You may need to make adjustments to the child’s after-school commitments based on the individual child’s abilities and the demands of particular activities.

Create a quiet place. Make sure your child has a quiet, private space of his or her own. A porch or a bedroom work well too, as long as it’s not the same place as the child goes for a time-out.

Do your best to be neat and organized. Set up your home in an organized way. Make sure your child knows that everything has its place. Role model neatness and organization as much as possible.

Avoid problems by keeping kids with attention deficit disorder busy!

For kids with ADD/ADHD, idle time may exacerbate their symptoms and create chaos in your home. It is important to keep a child with ADD/ADHD busy without piling on so many things that the child becomes overwhelmed.

Sign your child up for a sport, art class, or music. At home, organize simple activities that fill up your child’s time. These can be tasks like helping you cook, playing a board game with a sibling, or drawing a picture. Try not to over-rely on the television or computer/video games as time-fillers. Unfortunately, TV and video games are increasingly violent in nature and may only increase your child’s symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

ADD/ADHD parenting tip 3: Set clear expectations and rules

Children with ADHD need consistent rules that they can understand and follow. Make the rules of behavior for the family simple and clear. Write down the rules and hang them up in a place where your child can easily read them.

Children with ADD/ADHD respond particularly well to organized systems of rewards and consequences. It’s important to explain what will happen when the rules are obeyed and when they are broken. Finally, stick to your system: follow through each and every time with a reward or a consequence.

Don’t forget praise and positive reinforcement

As you establish these consistent structures, keep in mind that children with ADHD often receive criticism. Be on the lookout for good behavior—and praise it. Praise is especially important for children who have ADD/ADHD because they typically get so little of it. These children receive correction, remediation, and complaints about their behavior—but little positive reinforcement.

A smile, positive comment, or other reward from you can improve the attention, concentration and impulse control of your child with ADD/ADHD. Do your best to focus on giving positive praise for appropriate behavior and task completion, while giving as few negative responses as possible to inappropriate behavior or poor task performance. Reward your child for small achievements that you might take for granted in another child.

Kids with ADD/ADHD: Using Rewards and Consequences

Rewards

Consequences

Reward your child with privileges, praise, or activities, rather than with food or toys.

Consequences should be spelled out in advance and occur immediately after your child has misbehaved.

Change rewards frequently. Kids with ADD/ADHD get bored if the reward is always the same.

Try time-outs and the removal of privileges as consequences for misbehavior.

Make a chart with points or stars awarded for good behavior, so your child has a visual reminder of his or her successes.

Immediate rewards work better than the promise of a future reward, but small rewards leading to a big one can also work.

When your child misbehaves, ask what he or she could have done instead. Then have your child demonstrate it.

Always follow through with a reward.

Always follow through with a consequence.

ADD/ADHD parenting tip 4: Encourage movement and sleep

Physical activity can help your child with ADD/ADHD

Children with ADD/ADHD often have energy to burn. Organized sports and other physical activities can help them get their energy out in healthy ways and focus their attention on specific movements and skills.

The benefits of physical activity are endless: it improves concentration, decreases depression and anxiety, and promotes brain growth. Most importantly for children with attention deficits, however, is the fact that exercise leads to better sleep, which in turn can also reduce the symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

Find a sport that your child will enjoy and that suits his or her strengths. For example, sports such as softball that involve a lot of “down time” are not the best fit for children with attention problems. Individual or team sports like basketball and hockey that require constant motion are better options.

Children with ADD/ADHD may also benefit from martial arts training, tae kwon do, or yoga, which enhance mental control as they work out the body.

Better sleep can help your child with ADD/ADHD

Insufficient sleep can make anyone less attentive, but it can be highly detrimental for children with ADD/ADHD. Kids with ADD/ADHD need at least as much sleep as their unaffected peers, but tend not to get what they need. Their attention problems can lead to overstimulation and trouble falling asleep. A consistent, early bedtime is the most helpful strategy to combat this problem, but it may not completely solve it.

Help your child get better rest by trying out one or more of the following strategies:

Decrease television time and increase your child’s activities and exercise levels during the day.

Eliminate caffeine from your child’s diet.

Create a buffer time to lower down the activity level for an hour or so before bedtime. Find quieter activities such as coloring, reading or playing quietly.

Spend ten minutes cuddling with your child. This will build a sense of love and security as well as provide a time to calm down.

Use lavender or other aromas in your child’s room. The scent may help to calm your child.

Use relaxation tapes as background noise for your child when falling asleep. There are many varieties available including nature sounds and calming music. Children with ADD/ADHD often find “white noise” to be calming. You can create white noise by putting a radio on static or running an electric fan.

The benefits of “green time” in kids with attention deficit disorder

Research shows that children with ADD/ADHD benefit from spending time in nature. Kids experience a greater reduction of symptoms of ADD/ADHD when they play in a park full of grass and trees than on a concrete playground. Take note of this promising and simple approach to managing ADD/ADHD. Even in cities, most families have access to parks and other natural settings. Join your children in this “green time”—you’ll also get a much-deserved breath of fresh air for yourself.

ADD/ADHD parenting tip 5: Help your child eat right

Diet is not a direct cause of attention deficit disorder, but food can and does affect your child’s mental state, which in turn seems to affect behavior. Monitoring and modifying what, when, and how much your child eats can help decrease the symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

All children benefit from fresh foods, regular meal times, and staying away from junk food. These tenets are especially true for children with ADD/ADHD, whose impulsiveness and distractedness can lead to missed meals, disordered eating, and overeating.

Eating small meals more often may help your child’s ADD/ADHD

Children with ADD/ADHD are notorious for not eating regularly. Without parental guidance, these children might not eat for hours and then binge on whatever is around. The result of this pattern can be devastating to the child’s physical and emotional health.

Prevent unhealthy eating habits by scheduling regular nutritious meals or snacks for your child no more than three hours apart. Physically, a child with ADD/ADHD needs a regular intake of healthy food; mentally, meal times are a necessary break and a scheduled rhythm to the day.

ADD/ADHD parenting tip 6: Teach your child how to make friends

Children with ADD/ADHD often have difficulty with simple social interactions. They may struggle with reading social cues, talk too much, interrupt frequently, or come off as aggressive or “too intense.” Their relative emotional immaturity can make them stand out among children their own age, and make them targets for unfriendly teasing.

Don’t forget, though, that many kids with ADD/ADHD are exceptionally intelligent and creative and will eventually figure out for themselves how to get along with others and spot people who aren’t appropriate as friends. Moreover, personality traits that might exasperate parents and teachers may come across to peers as funny and charming.

Helping a child with attention deficit disorder improve social skills

It’s hard for children with ADHD to learn social skills and social rules. You can help your child with ADD/ADHD become a better listener, learn to read people’s faces and body language, and interact more smoothly in groups.

Speak gently but honestly with your child about his or her challenges and how to make changes.

Role-play various social scenarios with your child. Trade roles often and try to make it fun.

Be careful to select playmates for your child with similar language and physical skills.

Invite only one or two friends at a time at first. Watch them closely while they play.

Have a zero tolerance policy for hitting, pushing and yelling in your house or yard.

Make time and space for your child to play, and reward good play behaviors often.

More help for ADD/ADHD in children

ADD/ADHD Help Center: Find ways to stay focused, turn chaos into calm, and manage the symptoms of distraction, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Behavioral strategies for dealing with ADD/ADHD in children

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – Overview of ADHD including valuable tips under Behavioral Management section for managing a child with ADHD at home and school. (University of Maryland Medical Center)

What other readers are saying

“I have an 11 year old daughter who I believe suffers from ADD. Her primary care physician provided medication but I don’t want medication to be the first and only step for helping her improve. This article gave me the motivation and the information her doctor did not provide.” ~ Maryland