Jon Benjamin Has a Van, I Shouldn’t Be Alive, and the finale of Men of a

Hey, how are you? Just checkin’ in, seein’ how you’re doin’. You look okay. I know you’re probably still feelin’ down since your pet albino python escaped, somehow started your car, and then drove it off a cliff. Of course you are, that’s not the kind of thing anyone ever gets over. Well, take comfort in the fact that tonight you can watch tons of TV, okay?

8pm, FoxSo You Think You Can DanceWhat a good season so far! But let’s get real: Is there ANY chance at all that Melanie won’t win this thing? I guess there’s always a possibility she’ll be slightly less perfect than usual, but color me skeptical. Anyway, tonight the top 14 perform and there will probably be another drunken and/or exuberant funnywoman guest judge.

SEASON 2 FINALE, 10pm, TNTMen of a Certain AgeNow that this show has proven its main thesis (old dudes feel angst), it’s started moving into more inspirational territory: It’s never too late for old dudes to follow their dreams. Tonight Joe will embrace his golf dreams when he becomes eligible for the “senior tour,” plus Terry will discover a new passion of his own.

SEASON 5 PREMIERE, 9pm, Animal PlanetI Shouldn’t Be AliveTwo things I love are great titles and terrible re-enactments, and this show definitely has both of those things. In tonight’s season premiere, a group of skiers (whom I choose to imagine as Polo-clad blonde jerks, just like in ’80s movies) accidentally cause an avalanche while celebrating New Year’s Eve. Watch out, Chad!

10:30pm, Comedy CentralJon Benjamin Has a VanSorry you guys, but this show is terrific. Its fake-news premise is hilariously half-hearted, its sketches are quick and insane, and it frequently features some of the best comedic actors in the business of show. In addition to H. Jon Benjamin’s usual shenanigans, tonight we’ll get another segment of “Shame on Me,” featuring The Mighty Boosh‘s Rich Fulcher as a hard-hitting investigative journalist who only reports on his own shortcomings. When I am in charge I will greenlight a million seasons of this thing.