Flirting - applied Body Language

Don't Say A WordSpot the festive flirt and office Romeo with our definitive guide to body language at the Christmas bash…

Whether we realise it or not we are communicating all the time. Irrespective of what our mouths are saying, our body language transmits our thoughts and feelings like a primal beacon. These signals are never more on display than at the hunting ground that is - the Christmas party!

Social gatherings are fascinating for watching body language -particularly when people are flirting with each other. It 's no surprise to learn that women are the masters of interpreting this secret code and can often be aware of a budding relationship long before her male counterparts have even realised the couple in question even know each other.

In the early stages, your proximity to another person is a good indication of your feelings towards them. Moving into the intimate territory of someone of the opposite sex is commonly referred to as the advance. If the advance into the intimate zone is rejected, the other person will step backwards to maintain the zone distance. If it is accepted the other person will maintain the zone distance. Assuming you have ‘intimate zone’ status what other gestures ensure the message hits home?

The Strutting Peacock:The human male does not believe in subtlety when it comes to making his feelings known around a woman. His behaviour is similar to that of a peacock embarking on a mating dance the way he struts around puffing his chest out.

As the female approaches the typical male will begin to exhibit preening behaviour. His upright pose and improved muscle tone is all part of an automatic physiological change which occurs when a man sees something he likes the look of. In addition he will probably straighten his tie, smooth his collar or brush imaginary specks of dust from his shoulder. Generally speaking any signs of preening behaviour can all indicate that this man is interested.

If the chap you are having a conversation with is using the thumbs in belt gesture then watch out, because this guy has got one thing on his mind. This is a sexually charged male who is unwittingly highlighting his genitals by framing them with his hands on either side. Men also use this to show this is their territory and that they are not afraid to defend their ground. If you end up talking with a chap that uses this body language it suggests 'I am virile I can dominate you.' .... yes ....quite!

Feminine Charms:When it comes to women showing an interest they have more of a repertoire at their disposal. While she uses the same basic preening techniques including touching her hair, and smoothing her clothing, she has one or two other moves up her sleeve.

A typical flirty female uses the head toss where the head is flicked to toss hair back over the shoulders or away from the face. Even women with short hair use this gesture.

An interested female will gradually expose the smooth soft skin of her wrists to a potential partner. The wrist area has long been considered one of the highly erotic areas of the body. The palms are made visible to the male while she is speaking, whether she is holding her glass up to her mouth or a cigarette in mid air, the female is trying to get her point across! Fondling a cylindrical object- cigarettes, the stem of a wine glass, a finger or any long thin object is also an unconscious indication of what may be on the mind.

Remember the film Basic Instinct? Well we're not quite talking that level of outrageous flirting but whether seated or standing in the company of a member of the opposite sex, the legs are open wider than they would be normally.

Women use three basic leg positions to communicate a courtship attitude: with a knee point, one leg tucked under the other and points to the person whom she finds interesting. This is a very relaxed position which takes the formality out of conversation and gives the opportunity for a fleeting exposure to the thighs.

The shoe fondle also indicates a relaxed attitude and has the phallic effect of thrusting the foot in and out of the shoe which can drive some men wild.

However, most men agree that the leg twine is the most appealing sitting position a woman can take. It is a gesture that women unconsciously use to attract attention. One leg is pressed firmly against the other to give the appearance of high muscle tone, and as we have already established, heightened muscle definition signals she may be in the mood for love.

Other signals include crossing and uncrossing the legs slowly in front of the man and gently stroking the thighs with her hand, indicating a desire to be touched. This is often accompanied by speaking in a low voice.

Perhaps the most famous of the ‘come ons’ is the sexy walk across a room. The hips have an accentuated roll which accentuates the pelvic region. Combine this with a sideways glance, slightly open, wet lips - and you will be sure to light the fire of most men. The lips can be made to appear wet either by the use of saliva or cosmetics i.e. lipstick and lip gloss. Both give the woman the appearance of sexual invitation.The eyes have it - Beauty & Glamour: When someone is excited their pupils dilate up to four times their normal size. Women use eye make-up to emphasise their eye display. Fluttering eye lashes and come-to-be eyes are often a sign of sexual interest. It is an interesting fact that intimate encounters are often arranged in dimly lit places, this lack of light of course, causes the pupils to dilate. If you find yourself looking longingly into someone’s eyes, you are unconsciously looking for pupil dilation, each becomes excited by the eyes of another.

If you are ‘eyeing’ someone up or they are giving you the once over, the intimate gaze will probably be in evidence. The gaze falls across the eyes and below the chin to other parts of the persons body. It is the triangular area between the eyes and the chest or breast and from a distance in the eye or the crotch. Men and women use this gaze to show interest in each other and those who are interested will return the gaze, however if you want to play hard to get - avoid that look.There’s no doubt that reading body language is an art in itself, and learning the lingo could get you ahead in the romance stakes. Successful flirting is directly related with your ability to send and receive courtship signals - how you respond to them is up to you! Have fun ……