Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Land of the Shame-On-You Critics - Amen! And The Mystery of Their Existence!

Film criticism doesn't live here! Not in this blog! So when an anonymous critter actually remarked, and I quote, "The terms 'Kapal ng mukha mo' and 'shame on you' are not appropriate words to use by an educated critic," it inspired me to seek out the real ones who actually get paid to write them. They obviously aren't me who love shoes more than I love movies (although the latter comes close). And the aforementioned remark descends into something close to being just a lazy mind who believes in his/her own musings! In fact, his statement is a spurious drivel!

So this post is dedicated to that spurious statement that speaks about critics and their inability to say, "Ang kapal ng mukha mo!" They cannot! They say instead,Shame on you!"

Source: The California Literary Review by William Bibbiani

Movie: The Last Airbender

"For those who don’t know (shame on you, incidentally),The Last Airbender– renamed from “Avatar: The Last Airbender” because of thatothermovie you might have heard of – tells the story of a fantasy world modeled after Asia and divided into four nations: The Earth Kingdom (China), The Fire Nation (Japan), The Water Tribes (Inuits) and The Air Nomads (Tibet)."

" Santa Claus, the Moviewas written by David and Leslie Newman and directed by Jeannot Szwarc. Shame on you. Shame on you for thinking we needed to experience the nightmare of Santa dieting after that "bowl full of jelly" crack from Clement Moore. Shame on you for allowing to be uttered such lines as "It gives me a real feeling of elf-confidence."Shame on you for naming elves such things as Goober, Boog, and Honka. Shame on the cast.Shame on the people who did the on-set catering.Shame on them whomever thought we needed both a widescreen and a pan-and-scan version of the DVD."

"In the UK, The Evil Dead was considered the first film to be classified as a video nasty by Mary Whitehouse, an almost vigilante film and TV auditor who would actually make things better for the horror films that she eventually got banned, because a lot of the movies went underground and became more sought after through word of mouth and people who have already seen the films would recommend them to their friends and so on, thus making films of this nature cult classics and become films to talk about many years after. If you haven't seen the Original Evil Dead film, then shame on you, go and get a copy!"

"As Max frolics about his imaginary world with his crew of overgrown H.R. Pufnstuf rejects, each of whom is meant to symbolize an emotion of some kind, it becomes increasingly apparent that there’s no real point to the proceedings.Which is why there’s no resolution toWhere the Wild Things Are, either. And shame on you for expecting one. If you want a neat and tidy resolution, go seeCouples Retreator some other “mainstream” release, philistine. This is Spike Jonze’s playground, and if you dare subject him to rules or limits of any kind, he may just pick up his genius ball and go home."

Source: Culture Catch, by Brandon Judell ("You Can Never Have Too Much Butter.")

Movie: Oscar-nominated and one of my favorites from last year, Julie and Julia

"Whoever placed the blame for American obesity on McDonald's and its fast-food peers,shame on you!Julie & Julia, one of the year's most delectable films, proves Julia Child was the real culprit: Julia and her obsessive, inviolable love for the culinary delights of France and especially its B-U-T-T-E-R."

"The verdict:Savvy, slick street-wise comedy actioner with a good sense of humour, this is pretty good fun.

The rating:6/10

For some reason, I filed 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang' in the 'maybe' category when it was released, and so never quite caught up with it. However, more recently I've seen Robert Downey Jr. in the brilliant 'A Scanner Darkly' and the thoroughly great 'Zodiac' - and he's to star as the hero in the upcoming 'Iron Man',I figured it'd be remiss of me to let the movie that relaunched his glittering post-rehab career pass me by.

Also of interest is the comparitivelackof success that Val Kilmer has enjoyed since this - critically acclaimedandfinancially successful - movie was released.. I mean, have you seen him in anything recently? What's that? You mean you didn't see him in 'Ten Commandments: The Musical'?Shame on you reader, shame on you."

"...but at times Godspeed drops in some inappropriate moments that just don’t fit with the overall flow. As a result, the scriptwriters seem to be searching for some sort of redemption of their own. While it’s easy to forgive an independent film for poor acting, I have a low tolerance for an independent film that feels the need to trash up language and a scene or two, just for the sake of tossing in a string of 'f-bombs' or unneeded sex scenes. As a result I say 'shame' on the writers ofGodspeedfor the inclusion of the out-of-place “f-bombs” and the whole bedroom 'sexual assault' scene."

Movie: an obscure film that I LOVE called "On-Line", one of the first films to directly tackle relationships arising from naughty chatrooms

"Our culture is spending too much time online (shame on you, readers!) So making a movie about being an Internet surfer looking for love in all the wrong places feels redundant - why would you want to watch a movie about searching for sex and love and, oh yeah, human connection via the Almighty Computer?"

“Shame on You, Suburbia, for Smothering Another Couple of Outlaws: Restlessness and Resignation in Revolutionary Road”

Now, if the statement posted by Mr. Anonymous is valid, these aforementioned critics should join the long queue of the unemployed, shouldn't they? Good thing - because, at the end of the day, I love dropping bombs that are so appropriate they leave singes off my keyboard. Now, Dock! I am throwing those well deserved bombs again: Ang kapal naman ng mukha! Shame on you, Sarah Geronimo!

I was sure I've read several reviews that say "Shame on you!" in the past, but I want it documented for the troll! Now I am sure he's hiding under some tables with embarrassment for actually thinking he could imply to dictate what I want to write in my own blog site! Google and 30 minutes were sufficient tools. ;->

PLAGIARISTS, BEWARE!

Having been a victim of repeated plagiarism, the next time I find a site infringing on my intellectual property, I will report you without warning and employ all effort to take you down and prosecute you.

Do NOT start a blog site if you're just going to prey on the work of others. It really isn't that hard to write your own material, you know. Grade school kids can do it.

STOP BEING PARASITES!

For the Nameless Nobodies!

I will not entertain anonymous messages regardless of how brilliant they are because they don't have "owners" who can vouch for them. If you haven't got a name, I haven't got the time! Cheers!