How To Get a Causal Therapist

The Twelve Greatest Mistakes Therapists Make

Practicing therapy when you are not healthy is not fair to your client—license or no license.

Having poor boundaries and relationship skills or knowledge how to have a clean fight will cause you to misrepresent yourself and give bad advice.

Having a weak theoretical background will create blind spots in perception.

You must understand the critical causes of personality in childhood from killers to saints.

You need to understand the importance of attachment theory, trauma theory and family systems or interaction theory in resilience and creating personality.

You need to be aware of theoretical issues of our culture:

The motives and ramifications in believing in beliefs in genetics

The myths, public relations and faulty research supporting genetics

The influence of the pharmaceutical industry on research

The influence of the medical model on treatment

The influence of the women’s movement on daycare for infants

Lack of correct parenting information and failure to warn pregnant parents to do whatever they can to stay home the first three years

Failure to recognize the causes of children’s acting out behaviors or to refer to an expert

Failure to understand clearly how the body works to heal emotional trauma

Failure to understand how wrong beliefs impact the healing process

Failure to understand the difference between assessment and judgment

Failure to understand the ethics of mental health

Failure to understand the impact of repression has on mental health

Failure to consult when you are over your head.

We become overly invested in confidentiality so that we unconsciously lead our clients into a secretive lifestyle instead of an open one.

How to Assess a Therapist

If I were in your shoes, I’d ask these questions and look for answers similar to what I offer after each question.

Do you believe a therapist has to have good mental health?Yes. (Watch out for a hesitation)

What do you think of putting an infant or toddler in daycare?It’s a bad idea if you can avoid it. If you can’t avoid it try to make up for it any way possible (extra time, extra quality, extra understanding).

How do you handle a disagreement?I never quit in the middle of an issue. I try to stick it out. I try to listen and understand. I try to explain my point in a respectful way.

What percent of a person’s behavior do you attribute to genetics?Very little, if any.

Do you judge your clients?No, I try to understand them.

Do you judge their behaviors?I believe bad behaviors are the result of a lack of mental health. I think it is important to teach healthy ethics sometime. Lots of times a change in ethics improves mental health.

How do you determine right and wrong?My primary consideration is whether or not my actions can ultimately and predictably hurt someone. I hold others to the same standard. I treat bad behavior like addiction. I won’t enable it.

Do you give advice that a good parent would give a child?Yes. Everybody should have had good parenting. It’s never to late for guidance.

What are the most important issues in parenting?Attachment, safety, coaching, only disciplining a child who feels cherished, learning self-regulation, consistency of discipline, personal responsibility and providing safety to a child to tell the truth of one’s feelings and thoughts, as long as it is respectful.

If I ask a relevant question will you answer it?Yes, of course.

Do you believe it’s important to understand the impact of childhood trauma?Yes, of course.

How to Get Causal Therapy When there Are None Around

When it’s legal for a California therapist (coming soon?) to Skype out of state of the country, it will be easier. Still, you will need to address the issue of couchwork. You can get instructions from The Manual, but you do need a witness.

You may want to use “How to Assess a Therapist” in order to interview therapists.

Some therapists are amenable to reading The Manual and applying the principles to their work with you. They may need to talk about the concepts with you, if you are appreciating something out of their “wheel house”. A really good therapist won’t need to be the expert at all times, but you must give them respect, especially if you are to grow.

This is an invitation to any therapist who has read The Manual or watched the tapes to notify us their name, office address, email and/or phone number.

Critical Reading List

Articles

Belsky, J. (1986). Infant day care: a cause for concern? Zero to Three. Washington, D.C.: Bulletin of the National Center for Clinical Infant Programs. Bulletin of the National Center for Clinical Infant Programs, VI(5).

Spitz, Rene A. (1949). The Role of Ecological Factors in Emotional Development in Infancy. Child Development, 20(3): 145-155.

Teicher, Martin (2002, March). Scars That Won’t Heal: The Neurobiology of Child Abuse: Maltreatment at an early age can have enduring negative effects on a child’s brain development and function. Scientific American.