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Monday, 24 December 2012

The placebo effect

The placebo effect
23 December 2012

The placebo effect is a medically
and scientifically documented occurrence.It is a process whereby the mere act of medicating of giving the someone
the belief of a cure, indeed acts like a cure.Somehow even if the medication they are receiving are ineffective little
pink or white sugar pills, that contain no active ingredient, it still seems to
cure the ailment.So powerful is the
human mind.It believes what it is told
to believe.All hail the phenomenal
powers of suggestion.

In the same manner, you can
convince yourself that you are happy, fat, thin, beautiful, clever, talented,
etc.You truly are what you believe you
are.Hence the importance of speaking
positively to our children and over them.Encouraging them to believe what we want them to believe.How?By the simple act of belief.Sounds crazy, hey?Yet it works.

I practice the placebo effect
daily in my life.In many aspects of
it.I WILL be happy goddammit!Therefore I am.I am joyful and positive and see good all
around me.

When my kids come to me with any
ailment, albeit a sore foot, a headache or a tummy ache, my standard response
is “Have you tried making a pooh yet?”.And for some or other peculiar reason, this does really tend to fix most
problems.Why?Because I have conditioned them to believe it
will.I will only investigate further
and medicate them properly once we’ve gone down this road.And quite bizarrely a number two tends to
help and indeed cure most headaches, tummy aches and even the odd sore limb.

The next step on the road to
curing ailments is pretty much a fool proof winner.And this one is the big smoking gun…….a
bandage.No, don’t laugh.I’m absolutely serious here.When Doctor Helene’s in the house, she whips
out a bandage on occasion.Kids put so
much faith and belief into little strips of white gauze, you would never
believe it.And should the need for the
placebo effect to work be particularly strong, then for extra effect, I
occasionally administer an even bigger smoking gun.Let’s call it the smoking cannon.Are you ready for it?Okay, so should the situation be dire and you
want an instant and very quick fix, this is what you do.It’s sort of a dual system.A bandage accompanied by a ……. sling.Now, we’re talking.

Because a sling is at the very
top of a child’s medical food chain.It
commands equal portions of respect and sympathy.And let’s not underestimate it’s magical
properties for making other children jealous.If only they suffered a similar condition necessitating the
all-powerful-all-healing BANDAGE-WITH-SLING.How “fortunate” they are.It tops
a silly little plaster by a million fold.

My standard cure for a tummy bug,
is a special little bed I make for my kids in front of the TV, which instantly
elevates them to patient level.They
believe that they are now under my expert nursing skills.The immediate purchase of lightly salted
chips/crisps (the yellow packet if you please) and flat Coke (normally
forbidden, especially in the week) follows.Naturally they gobble this down, and normally feel marvellously better
after their first dose.Predictably they
have a little relapse when their siblings are watching them.Obviously requiring an extra and indeed very
special dosage of crisps and Coke in front of said siblings.They crave this special treatment and it
makes them feel cared for and loved, I believe.Which they absolutely are.

Both Nurse Helene and Doctor Helene are experts
at caring for their patients.And she
firmly believes in telling her patients that whatever she is giving them for
their ailment will indeed cure all.And
amazingly it usually does.The fact that
the tablet they occasionally receive is harmless dental fluoride or homeopathic
little cure-all white tablets is beside the point.They believe and therefore they get
better.And that is all that really
matters.