Thursday, September 17, 2009

The old Chinese traditional believes son is better than daughter. Not today any longer! Today, a son would most likely be married over to the parents in law, whereas before a son would gain another daughter for his family. Time has changed when woman of today dictates.

Chong a retiree and his wife are unhappy staying with their son who is married to another career working wife. The elderly parents complained their daughter in law is bossy and not respectful to them. They love their son and grand children, and the son loves everyone of them. In order not to make things unpleasant for the son, they opt to stay in the old folks home instead. What a sad ending for the Chong!

BK is an educated professional who married to a man, who is the only son to the family. She is a knowledgeable woman who tries all way to appease her husband's parents for the past six years. However as the parents are the old fashion type, she finds it difficult to have their understanding. She is locked in between the husband and his parents. According to her, she is like married to her room with her two sons. I sympathise the hurting lady.

The above stories are common problems which i encountered. I am lucky it doesn't happen to me, though i have two daughters in law and two ex daughters in law. I don't know whether i am proud or shy to mention, the ex daughters are my first son ex wives. He beats the father by marrying three times, and i hope this is his final marriage. All my daughters in law, including the previous two, love me tremendously. The fact is...we are not just father in law and daughters in law relationship, we are good friends and buddies to each other. I allow them to call me not just dad, but Robert or even address me as 'young man'. They are extremely comfortable with me because i reach and touch their hearts ever since they met me the first time when my sons brought them to our houses many moons ago. I had never behaved like a typical traditional father, i lower my status to be at bar with all of them. I spoke their language and lingo to build trust and understanding. I never showed my pride and arrogance, but humble myself to draw their confidence and respect. I might not see them often now, because they have migrated, but each time we met, we hugged tightly with love and warm. They will never forget to say..."I love you dad".

To Chong i suggest, love your daughter in law as though she is your daughter. Reach up to her by lowering your dignity. Don't behave like a father in law, but rather like a friend to her. To BK i advise, treat your parents in law like your parents. Have fun and don't be serious in your doing. Have holidays together with your children and their grand parents. Talk more of their interest and know their love languages; "affirmative, time, services, gifts or touch". If you are intelligence, i am sure you would know how to tickle their heart and mind. At the same time be smart to accept the facts of life in order to have a wonderful live.

Food for thought - "People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace." - Zig Ziglar