Phase 4
Outbreak spreads to news outlets and human interest stories. The public is warned not to be afraid, but ‘pandemic’ continues to be a really scary word. Recommendation: water cooler conversation, unnecessarily canceling trips abroad.

Phase 5
Virus remains persistent and continues to mushroom in at least three distinct areas. Symptoms become exaggerated by telephone game effect, and healthy people begin to fear the menace of purple monkey dishwasher. Recommendation: cut off contact with outside world, barricade doors, stock up on canned goods, drink plenty of fluids.

Phase 6
Mankind is wiped out with the exception of Will Smith and a Brazilian supermodel. Repopulation of race begins with exciting results. Recommendation: keep cameras rolling and hope for a better day.