!@@color(red):''Why wait?''@@
<<image [[HokusaiWave]] width:400 height:200>>
* Cravings or urges, like waves, are temporary - they hit you, and they pass by.
* No wave EVER stays in the same place for ever.
* All you need to do is survive the wave that is your [[Craving]].
* It will pass on its way whatever you do, and you can learn from each one - whether or not it catches you out this time.
!@@color(red):''How to wait?''@@
|bgcolor(orange): ''1. Agree some rules for yourself.'' . |
* Don't set too many rules for yourself, or make them too hard! It is easy to "set yourself up to fail".
* //If you write your rules down somewhere, and show them to [[someone you trust|Support network]], it is more likely you will keep them!//
|bgcolor(lightblue):<br>Below are some suggestions - pick ones you like, or add your own<br><br>(a) We suggest you start with ''~Not-Doing Stuff''<br>(b) If you find you need them, have some additional ''Doing Stuff'' techniques up your sleeve, too.<br> |
|bgcolor(orange): ''2. ~Not-Doing Stuff.'' . |
This doesn't mean giving up and doing nothing! There are two ways of ~Not-Doing:
!!!@@color(blue):(i) The ~WAIT-DELAY technique@@
<<image [[Eggtimer]] width:150 height:150>> <<slider SliderWaitDelay "WaitDelay" "Click this to reveal instructions">>
!!!@@color(blue):(ii) The WATCHING and NOTING ("surfing") technique@@
<<image [[SelfMirror]] width:200 height:120>> <<slider SliderWatchNote "WatchNote" "Click this to reveal instructions">>
|bgcolor(orange): ''3. Doing Stuff.'' . |
If the ~Not-Doing stuff is no good because you feel too agitated, or too near to doing the thing you don't really want to do, then you should shift into ''Doing Stuff''. There are lots of techniques but they divide into two:
* Doing stuff with my ''@@color(blue):Behaviours@@''
* Doing stuff with my '' @@color(blue):Thoughts@@''
!!!@@color(blue):(i) Doing stuff with my Behaviours@@
This is all about ''Distraction'' - finding something ELSE to occupy your mind for long enough that the wave passes. Agree to yourself that as soon as you NOTICE you are at risk from a [[Craving]] wave, you will STOP and DO something ELSE first (not what your [[Craving]] tells you to do!)
__''(a) CUP OF TEA:''__
The first suggestion, we are embarrassed to say, is called CUP OF TEA - but don't ignore this!
<<image [[Cup of Tea]] width:200 height:200>> <<slider SliderCuppa "Cuppa" "Click this to reveal instructions">>
__''(b) Other Distraction techniques:''__
<<image [[Diversion]] width:180 height:90>> <<slider SliderDistractions "OtherDistractions" "Click this to reveal instructions">>
!!!@@color(blue):(i) Doing stuff with my Thoughts@@
<<image [[ThinkingPic.png]] width:180 height:100>>
''__(a) LEARNING ABOUT THOUGHTS__''
You have a ''craving'', and with cravings come particular kinds of ''thoughts'' or '' ways of thinking''. Just having an understanding of this //helps//:
<<slider SliderCraving "Craving" "Click this to read about Cravings and Thoughts">>
''__(b) REPLACING THOUGHTS:__''
''So the job is'' to learn what are the commonest thoughts you get when you are stressed, and then think of OTHER thoughts about the same things, __that you can say are definitely true__ ''to replace these thoughts:''
<<slider SliderReplaceThoughts "ReplaceThoughts" "Click this to reveal instructions">>
|bgcolor(orange): 4. Reminder: Don't take it personally! |
<<image [[HokusaiWave]] width:400 height:300>>
* The wave of craving that you experience ''is not you!'' - you are in the boat, getting hit by these things.
* Your job is to survive, and learn the skills of riding these waves. //It's not your fault that the waves are happening//.
* Right now you are in stormy waters, but one of the things you are learning is [[Mapping the territory]] so that, as well as getting more skilled at //riding// these waves, over time you'll find that the waves get smaller, and you can avoid getting into the situations where the biggest waves are - that right now are knocking you over.
|bgcolor(orange): 5. Go easy on yourself! |
* Sometimes waves are too strong, and you get caught out; you trip, you fall, you have a [[Lapse]] .
<<image [[Self-hate]] width:480 height:200>>
* Big deal. If you find yourself bashing yourself up about these slips, STOP IT! ''Adding'' to your problems by beating yourself up about being a failure is not helping you.
* Try repeating this to yourself a hundred times: ''Any surfer will tell you that learning to ride waves is IMPOSSIBLE without falling off - quite a lot.''
* You learn by getting back on and trying again - this ''learning from experience'' is where we get to in the last stage of the [[WAVE]] approach - [[4. Evaluate]]
|bgcolor(orange):5. OK, so you are falling... Try just waiting a little longer this time! |
<<image [[Stopwatch]] width:300 height:300>>
* If you are unable to resist the wave, despite trying all your techniques, then ''Try to Wait for 5 minutes longer than you did last time before you fell off''
* Each time you hit a craving, try to extend the amount of time you WAIT before falling off - by 5 minutes at a time. Sooner or later you will extend your waiting period for long enough that ''the wave will just die down, because that's what all waves do!''
|bgcolor(orange):6. Keep a reminder or "talisman" on you |
* This sounds a bit magical, or even weird and wonderful, but it isn't really - it's just a memory prompt and a confidence booster.
* Try keeping some small object that reminds you of your ''intentions'' and ''plans''.
** A keyring, a small charm, a bracelet, etc that particularly reminds you of this work, and the idea that the urge to binge, etc, is ''just a wave''.
** A small notebook, where you can write down key points such as the [[WAVE Crisis Drill]], etc.
* If you are feeling awkward or anxious, sometimes just holding some object like this is enough to help remind you, and keep you afloat
<<image [[Lifepreserver]] width:300 height:220>>
!@@color(red):NOW MOVE ON TO [[2. Analyze]]!@@

!''@@color(blue):What does analyze mean?@@''
* It means making sense of something by working out how it all fits together.
!''@@color(blue):Why analyze?@@''
* Just stopping to analyze ''"what's going on here?"'' forces you to STOP LEAPING INTO ACTION, which is part of Step [[1. Wait]].
* Thinking about these questions gets your mind to use different parts of your brain to think with (which are more helpful in this kind of crisis) - see [[States of Mind]].
!''@@color(blue):Analyzing: questions to ask yourself:@@''
|bgcolor(darkgray):''Questions'' |bgcolor(darkgray):''Description'' |bgcolor(darkgray):''Your own answers:'' |
|bgcolor(lightgray):''What is this wave?'' |bgcolor(lightgray)://Name it:<br>An urge, a craving - for what?:<br>A powerful feeling? - which?//: |bgcolor(lightgray): |
|bgcolor(lightgray):''How big is this wave?'' |bgcolor(lightgray)://Give it a score 0 - 10:<br>Compare scores to past waves you've survived// |bgcolor(lightgray): |
|bgcolor(lightgray):''How am I coping right now?'' |bgcolor(lightgray)://Give your stress a score 0 - 100://<br>//See [[Measuring Stress]] to learn about this and [[Relaxation exercises]] to cope with it// |bgcolor(lightgray): |
|bgcolor(lightgray):''What else is going on?'' |bgcolor(lightgray)://What happened earlier today? <br>Apart from the craving, what __else__ might you be missing or wanting?<br> What [[States of Mind]] can you identify?//: |bgcolor(lightgray): |
|bgcolor(red):''What are my options?'' |bgcolor(lightgray)://List out all the choices you have<br>Include ALL options, including ones you may ''not'' want to do:// |bgcolor(lightgray): |
|bgcolor(lightgreen):''Pros and Cons of these options?'' |bgcolor(lightgray)://List the good things about each choice<br>List the bad things about each choice:// |bgcolor(lightgray): |
Try to jot down some ''notes'' about these questions (just doing that will hep you [[1. Wait]]).
Here is a simple version of the table that you might find useful ''(You can also download it from [[here|https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j3UJbfhXK1VL-yNDRq2CVDmWM_p6g4hBTRvShDHKJCs/pub]] and print this out for yourself.)''
<<image [[AnalyzePaper]] width:700 height:800>>
!@@color(blue):''Keep a note of all your options''@@
* There should be a RANGE of options
** Some will seem foolish, or unhelpful
** Some will seem difficult. even impossible
** Some will seem better than others
* The important thing is that you see you have //a range of choices//
** You will make a decision on which one soon
** You can list them in a simple table like this ''(get a link to a downloadable version [[here|https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UrKrHZ76T29CLZGPziEmOVajo0v5CFxKujhT2ujDA28/pub]])'':
<<image [[OptionsPaper]] width:700 height:800>>
!!@@color(blue):''Never forget that an outboard mind is a useful thing''@@
* Two minds working on a problem are usually better than one
* This is especially so if one of the minds (//yours!//) is stressed because a wave is breaking over your head
* Keep alive the idea that you can phone a buddy, who might help you think because they aren't underwater right now, like you are. It is a bit like the guy on the surface who pumps air (//"Thinking"//) down to the diver who's in the highly pressured and stressful place:
<<image [[DeepSeaDiver]] width:300 height:480>>
!@@color(red):NOW MOVE ON TO [[3. Volunteer]]!@@

<<image [[GoodChoiceBadChoice.jpg]] width:480 height:290>>
!Volunteers are CHOOSING what they want to do
* Mostly when you are hit by a wave and get knocked off balance, you don't feel like you have a CHOICE.
** Learning to ride the waves in your life is about understanding how to make the best possible choices in times of stress and chaos
** And accepting that this doesn't mean it will always go right
* __''Look at the Options you have come up with when you followed step [[2. Analyze]]:''__
** Some may look easier than others
** Some may look foolish
** Some may look better than others
* __''Ask yourself which option you would CHOOSE (volunteer) to do?''__
** This means you are taking charge of the boat, rather than feeling that the wave is making all the decisions
** You will be making the best choice you can in these difficult circumstances
** Having a plan that you chose is better than having no plan and being carried away or swamped by the wave
<<image [[HokusaiWave]] width:500 height:300>>
!Sometimes in life we make good choices, but bad things still happen
* People riding waves - in boats or in life - will often fall over, get wet; that is life.
* However, //we can increase our chances of getting to where we want to go to// if we learn how to make good choices.
* Remind yourself of your [[Motivation]] in which you might have drawn up a list of __''where you want to get to:''__
** __''In your relationship with yourself''__ (//to feel happy, to feel OK with who you are, etc?//)
** __''In your relationships with other people''__ (//to get on, to enjoy each other, to be able to ask for help, and to assert myself when someone is in my space, etc?//)
** __''In what you do''__ (//to get to college, to get qualifications, a job, a place of my own, to earn money, to record my album, etc?//
!@@color(red):NOW MOVE ON TO [[4. Evaluate]]!@@

!Keep a notebook or a web diary
* If you don't write down or record what you are learning, you might easily forget it
* It is hard enough to learn when you are relaxed and feeling in control, but much harder when you are feeling "at sea".
* You are aiming to slowly build a short list of key lessons that apply to ''YOU'' in ''YOUR LIFE''.
!Now that the wave has passed:
* Ask yourself //how did I do?//
** DON'T WORRY if you didn't do as well as you think you //"should have"//
** You can learn more from things that didn't go according to plan.
* Can you score how you did? Copy this table or adapt something like it for your use (see a downloadable version below)
|bgcolor(darkgray): ''Date/Time'' |bgcolor(darkgray): ''Describe Wave:''<br>Circumstances, place, etc |bgcolor(darkgray): ''Strength:''<br>(0-10) |bgcolor(darkgray): ''What I did:''<br>(Description) |bgcolor(darkgray): ''Rate Success:''<br> (0-10) |bgcolor(darkgray): ''Learning:''<br>Any lessons? |
|bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |
|bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |
|bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |
|bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |bgcolor(lightgray): <br><br> |
!!Where now?
|bgcolor(lightblue):1. ''Dealing with a [[Lapse]]'' - learning is best done from mistakes!<br>2. ''Add any learning to your notes on [[Mapping the territory]]''<br>3. ''Did you spot any [[Early Warning Signs]]'' that could be useful for next time?<br>4. ''Think about adapting your plans for tomorrow'', or adding to your [[WAVE Crisis Drill]]<br>5. ''SHARE what you have been through'' with a family member, friend or therapist |
!Paperwork:
''Download a version of the table from [[Here|https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ox5nt0ge5TKGpt_W0ltdQi3wBJAAUDPML4pca3zTVi4/pub]]'':
<<image [[Evaluation_WAVE-page-001.jpg]] width:600 height:500>>

WAVE is a self-help approach to coping with cravings and powerful compulsive urges (Substance Use Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder, OCD, Self-injurious behavoiurs, etc) designed by [[Dr Dickon Bevington|http://uk.linkedin.com/in/dickonbevington]].
This resource is under development, and users use it at their own risk. Consult with your doctor if you have concerns.
Distributed freely under a Creative Commons License - you are welcome to copy and share, but only under the same terms, and acknowledging the original authorship.
<html><a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/"><img alt="Creative Commons License" style="border-width:0" src="https://i.creativecommons.org/l/by-nc-sa/4.0/88x31.png" /></a><br />This work is licensed under a <a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/">Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License</a>.</html>

!Assertive is not the same as Aggressive!
* It means saying how you are feeling, and what you think would help
* It means asking people for help - the worst that can happen is that they say "no".
* It means explaining calmly what you think is wrong, and how it cold be fixed.

This is some physical action that you find you "have to do" - even though you may find it annoying or silly to be having to do this. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) consists of compulsions and obsessions (thoughts that you keep having, even though you don't want to have them).
In many ways people who binge, or use drugs or alcohol do this ''compulsively''
See also [[Craving]]

|bgcolor(lightblue):''__What are Cravings?__''<br><br>* The "[[WAVE]]" we keep talking about in this programme is a craving.<br><<image [[HokusaiWave]] width:600 height:150>><br>* Craving is what is happening when you suddenly feel quite overwhelmed by the need to do or have something that you've previously said to yourself that you //don't want//.<br>* Suddenly you find you //do seem to want it//, and it is incredibly difficult just to say //"No, I __still__ really don't want this!"//<br><br>For example, just BEFORE a person who is trying to stop drinking, or bingeing, or smoking breaks their promise (//"I'll never do it again!"//) a CRAVING is what hits them and makes them lose their balance - just as a big wave might knock a boat over or wash it away.<br><br>* They may feel overwhelmed<br>* They may feel out of control<br>* They may find themselves //doing// exactly what they //didn't want to do// an hour or so earlier.<br><br>''__What do we know about Cravings?__''<br><br>A Craving is a ''@@color(red):FEELING@@'' (this //urge//, this overwhelming //want//, this //sensation// like your stomach rumbling, or this kind of "ache"), but with it come ''@@color(red):THOUGHTS@@'':<br><br> |
|bgcolor(pink):<br>* //"I must do this, or I will be worse!"//<br>* //"I can't stop myself!"//<br>* //"It doesn't really matter if I do it just this once more!"//<br>* //"Nobody else cares what I do!"//<br><br>@@color(red):''If thoughts like this are TRUE, then they make saying "yes" to the craving makes good sense! //BUT ARE THEY REALLY TRUE?//''@@<br><br> |
|bgcolor(lightblue):* See [[States of Mind]] to see how ''your mind thinks in very different ways at different times''<br>* See [[1. Wait]] for ways to change your THOUGHTS about these cravings<br><br>* When you are stressed, you tend to get more ''certain about things'' in your mind:<br>* If a thought comes into my mind ''when I am stressed'' I think: //"that is just the way the world IS!"//<br>* But ''when I am calmer'' I can see things differently: //"Oh, look, I am having those thoughts about me being a total failure again. But I did OK yesterday, and the other day X told me some positive things about me - so I can't be a __total__ failure; that's just my stressy mind talking."//<br><br>* You already know that when you are in a calm state of mind, you'd agree that the thoughts about your craving listed above (or others that you might notice yourself having) are NOT totally true.<br><br>''__What about the Brain?__''<br><br>* We know that Cravings arise in the brain, and are due to ''waves of electrical messages and natural chemicals'' which are released across areas of the brain. These are often triggered by ''associations'' (walking past the doughnut shop with nothing else to do, meeting an old drug-using friend, watching a film that reminds you of something...)<br><br><<image [[BrainWaves]] width:200 height:120>><br>You don't need to understand this diagram, but it shows the ways messages flow (yes, in waves!) across the brain to help us think, see, feel, want, behave. <br><br>* We know that Cravings work like waves on people.<br>* When they are very strong they are very unpleasant, and even frightening, and it feels as though you'd do anything to get out of it immediately (i.e. go and do the thing you are craving to do)<br>* But like waves, cravings come, and then they go.<br>* Brain Science shows us that this is quite literally true:<br>*** In the brain, ''the chemicals released from brain cells that cause a craving //run out//'', because those cells can only make so much at a time.<br>*** The levels of these natural chemicals - that go UP during a craving - will //always// reduce back DOWN again after a while...<br>** ''NOBODY'S BRAIN WORKS ANY DIFFERENTLY!''<br>* This is why we make such a big deal about the idea of [[Waiting|1. Wait]]!<br><br>|
|bgcolor(pink):<br>Commonly, people don't wait for the cravings to go, but they ACT on their craving instead to make the unpleasant feeling go away (they have a drink, or a cigarette, or a binge)...<br><br> |
|bgcolor(lightblue):<br>''__What to do about this?__''<br><br>* Of course //acting// on the craving (saying //"Oh what the hell, OK, one more time..."//)...<br>** ...DOES make the craving go away - ''but at a high cost!''<br>** The trouble is, ''if you always "solve" your cravings by saying yes to them, you never learn that they will go away ANYWAY''<br>** And of course you are at risk of getting further and further into trouble (health, financial, legal, relationships, etc) with the thing you are trying to quit.<br><br>* In this program we emphasise how you can learn to ride these waves in a more expert way:<br><br>* So you can //feel the craving// but not feel you must //act on the craving//<br>* So you can avoid places where you are likely to get hit by the biggest cravings<br><<image [[HokusaiWave]] width:600 height:150>><br>* So the waves slowly die down <br><<image [[HokusaiWave]] width:600 height:80>><br>* ...and get smaller, and shallower<br><<image [[HokusaiWave]] width:600 height:50>><br>*...and easier to cope with.<br><<image [[HokusaiWave]] width:600 height:30>><br><br> |