ABC's with the Schoney's: Adoption after Breast Cancer!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

God still does miracles!

Awhile ago, I met with my surgeon for a regular follow up visit, and while there, discussed the possibility of trying one more time to get pregnant. Before cancer, we had tried for quite awhile, and that didn't do much of anything except break our hearts. But still, though I outwardly wrote it off, there was a small lingering hope in the back of my mind that one day, God would choose to bless us with a baby.

Don't get me wrong. I meant every word I said about adoption being Plan A for our family. If I could birth all the babies I could ever want, I would still want adoption to be a huge part of God's plan for our family. I hope that God brings more kids to our family through adoption. Lots of them. Adoption is firmly embedded in the deepest parts of my heart. But I still had a desire to experience the blessing of pregnancy.

So back to my discussion with my surgeon. When I asked him what he thought, we looked through my charts, and while I'll spare you the medical details that we discussed, he at last told me that while a pregnancy would be a viable option for me in terms of medical safety in regards to my history of cancer, that it would still take a miracle from God for me to become pregnant when considering our medical history in regards to fertility issues.

You see, all the fertility drugs are hormone-based. And, since the cancer I had was estrogen-positive, going back to fertility drugs would like sending an engraved invitation for the cancer to come back.

No thank you.

So, Dave and I did what we have done since the beginning of our marriage: We trusted God to bring each of our children to us in His perfect timing, and in His perfect way.

With that in mind, I am delighted to tell you that we serve a God who still does miracles, because I am pregnant!

God is good, no matter what. Even if I never experienced the blessings of pregnancy, He would still be good. But I am in awe of His great gift to our family. I'm indescribably thankful for His goodness to me. That he has chosen to allow this in our lives is yet another sign showing that God dearly loves to shower good things upon His children.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights... James 1:17

I am so, so, so happy for you. Truly thrilled. Perhaps even trusting God’s plan a little more through all the garbage in my life right now…because I’m watching this miracle unfold for your family. It gives me hope, tangible proof, that there is reason to hold on.

But I’m so jealous for myself. I’ll totally admit it. Even thought I’ve been pregnant and birthed twins and never struggled with infertility. Even though I’ve have way more blessing than pain. Even though you’ve been through such a hellish road with infertility and cancer and the realization that you’d never be able to grow babies. If miracles were handed out based on how much they were deserved, you’d be at the top of the list of people who should get showered in miracles. But, even with that, my immense joy for you is mingled with my own selfish feelings of sadness. I won’t lie. I’m jealous that you’re getting a miracle pregnancy and I’m being told, “No way…don’t even try it…you’ll be risking your life.”

I know you understand. It would seem fake to tell you how happy I am when I have these other feelings eating at my heart…but please know how thrilled I am for you THROUGH my weak human feelings. So thrilled for your beautiful family.