So my dad is lying on a hospital bed with all these wires and stuff coming out of him and my mother leans over and looks at me and says ‘You know Kelley, your life is really shit’. True story.

BTW, my dad is doing really well now. He is home and will be going in for surgery on his gall bladder in a few weeks.

Maybe.

*throws hands in the air*

Anyway, back to the story.

I had just said something about trying to find time to go to the damn doctor about the river of bile residing in my stomach, not dissimilar to the bag full that was being pumped from my fathers belly at the time, and perhaps, maybe it was not merely a co-incidence that the doctors were saying it was something to do with his gall bladder and MOTY had just had hers out a few weeks before, when MOTY interjects with her little observation.

A little conversation stopper if you will.

Dad’s good eye rolls to the ceiling, and any other time I would have called for the nurse, worried he was having an epileptic fit or something, but both my eyes had joined his pointing to the same mottled tile above our heads.

Here we go…

‘No really’ she goes on oblivious to our exasperated expressions, and considering the massive painkillers my dad was on was pretty damn impressive on his part, ‘you really have a hard time of it Kelley, I would hate to live your life.’

She chooses NOW to actually acknowledge that my life is difficult? Perhaps to offer a helping hand?

Alas no offer is apparent and a lovely nurse wanders in to empty his bag of bile and up his meds and Dad and I exchange knowing glances and the moment is lost.

She doesn’t even know half of it. No point in telling her anyway.

I understand that sometimes people don’t know what to say when they know someone with a ‘shit life’.

And hey, chances are that that someone is probably fully aware that their life is probably deemed by some as well and truly in the motherfucking crapper, but to have your own MOTHER point it out over the sick and moaning body of your father is a bit, well…

a bit shit.

So, as a Public Service to all of you that know someone like me and you feel the need to point out the glaring obvious about their excrement filled life…

Dont. Trust me, they know.

Give em a smile.

A hug.

A helping hand.

A fucking casserole.

Offer to look after their kid for the weekend so they can have a holiday for once in their shit life (yeah, I am STILL banging on about that…)

Or buy them a cute umbrella to shield them from the shit shower that the universe rains down on them.

I don’t mean don’t talk about their life and what is going on, having someone to talk to really helps.

Especially someone who just listens. Cause most of the time there is nothing that can be done, but just saying the words out loud to someone makes the world of difference.

And they want to hear about your life too. Seriously, your shit is just as important and fucked up as our shit. It really doesn’t matter how high it is stacked.

It all fucking stinks.

My point?

Keep your fucking pity to yourself, along with your thoughtless comments and commentary.

No one wants to be told they have a shit life, unless it is followed with ‘here, have a million dollars’.

As someone whose life has gone into the crapper recently (and whose mother points that out constantly) I feel where you’re coming from. There’s a bunch of us out there right now with the same story. My standard response to anyone who tells me how much of a crappy time they’re having right now is, “Here, have some chocolate and a *kitten.”

Kelley – NOT.ON. And I’m so sorry….
Recently i told my daughter aged 43 that she is amazingly resilient and that her dad and I are so very proud of how she has single handedly raised 3 teens and now co-parents her “surprise for her 40th” almost 3 year old. Sometimes I’ve “judged” her choices in life and I was still trying to “parent” her. She does a great job now back teaching full time, starting a new library for a new school and part time study while being the full-time mum. I know I couldn’t do it and she’s a bloody marvel.
Why am I telling you? Well, almost birthday girl…I’m not your mum but someone like a mum should say something.. Kelley, you are an amazing woman who cares and loves her family with a fierce passion and who is a highly intelligent and diligent worker who needs lots of lots of love and kudos for being you!! Denyse xx

thank you Denyse, I think she was somehow trying to tell me that she was feeling sorry for me? Normally I get ‘oh well’ or ‘been there done that’ which, well, no you haven’t really… but MOTY hasn’t ever really been the nurturing type. So maybe in her own way it was her way of being supportive.

FFS. I hate people like that. I have a mother and a sister that do a wonderful job of pointing out how I fucked up my life. I too would like an umbrella so that I can beat my sister in particular over the head with it. Coz she is just sooooooo perfect (extreme sarcasm).

Your mom and my mom would get along fabulously. I’m so sorry, it sucks to have a mother who is unsupportive. For the life of me, as a mom, I don’t understand how they can just sit there and watch us struggle and just do NOTHING. 🙁

I think the biggest irony has to be how much she contributes to the shitness (or at least that’s how it seems, sorry if I’ve overstepped!). I guess her moment of awareness might not have extended that far 🙁

My own mother is so uninterested in my life that she wouldn’t even waste her energy to either listen to what is happening or to comment on it’s shitness.

My bitch mother basically told me from the minute my first was born “well, nobody helped me” and I silently added – “so I won’t be helping you” and well it’s the fucking truth. My kids got the worst set of grandparents ever. When my father in law died, I asked her if she could look after my 2.5yr old daughter for 2hrs, so I could go to the funeral. “Oh, I’ve got a nail appointment.” End of discussion.

I kinda get this from one of my sisters. She always went on about how bad her life was and when I or mum would finally get a word in about what was going on with us she would talk all over us. Another sister did it with us but would start talking about her kids like they were more important. Sadly, my mother does it to me now and I’m her carer which makes it harder.

When a parent looks after a child they are in charge. When an adult looks after a parent the parent is still in charge and it fucking sucks because we’re the ones getting shit done, but dear old mum just wants to do everything her way even though she can’t and doesn’t because she’d rather sit on her fat lazy arse all day and I’m the one struggling to run the fucken household but live in a pigsty because fat lazy mother won’t let me clean up the place. Stubborn old bitch, can’t wait for one of us to die and I hope it’s her…and soon.

I call it a game of one-upmanship. No matter how much someone else’s life sucks they can outdo it even though they have no fucking clue and even though their problems come nowhere near being as bad.

I’ve also gotten it in the last few years that I’ve been going to the chiro and talking about sciatica. Mine is so bad that if I bend over too much then sit or go to bed, my lower back/arse/hips will lock up to the point I can’t move, my nerve wreaks havoc with cramps all the way down to my feet which are absolutely crippling but as usual, their life is worse. Yeah well, I just recently found out that my spine had shoved up under my skull which was causing my headaches so I bet they can’t beat that.

Sometimes you just want someone to actually listen to what you’re saying and maybe offer some advice if they’ve been through it, or offer suggestions that might help. What you don’t need is someone talking all over you because their own problems are so much worse and so much bigger, even though they’re not. Maybe we just need some recognition but sadly, they’re a bunch of narcissists who don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.

Trust me, if I had wads of cash to spare, you’d get some for sure.
I wonder what MOTY’s next life will be like. I think she deserves a run of shit-filled days. Or am I being too harsh?
Hope your dad continues to improve.

You know unless someone is asking me if their life is shit then I would never say that. I have a casserole maker, but also a little bit of a judgey pants – I just have to smile and nod…. I hope your dad is feeling a bit better and not in so much pain x