(I’m driving down to Tennessee to view the 2017 solar eclipse, and I’ve stopped at a hotel in Louisville for the night. When I go to check out, the computer is taking a while to print my receipt, so the clerk is chatting with me while we wait.)

Clerk: “So, where are you from?”

Me: “Lancaster, Pennsylvania.”

Clerk: “Oh, okay. Isn’t there a college there?”

Me: “Yes. F and M.”

Clerk: “S and M?”

Me:*internally giggling* “F and M. Franklin and Marshall.”

Clerk: “Oh, yeah. That’s it!”

(I don’t know if he even realized what he had said, but I certainly did!)

(I go into the store to pick up some photo prints I ordered online. Unfortunately, before I can get to the counter another customer beats me to the unmanned counter. As she approaches she immediately begins yelling.)

Customer: “CAN SOMEONE COME OVER HERE AND HELP ME?!”

(An employee approaches the counter.)

Customer: “I ordered these prints online; I need them.”

Employee: “Okay, what name are they under?”

Customer: “I don’t know; I don’t know if they made it.”

Employee: “You don’t know?”

Customer: “I used this app and it won’t send. You need to just do it.”

Employee: “I’m sorry. We aren’t allowed to—”

Customer:*sighs dramatically* “Well, what am I supposed to do?”

Employee: “You need to click on—”

Customer: “I already did that.”

Employee: “Well, try it again.”

Customer: “There, see? Now what?!”

Employee: “So, now, you need to—”

Customer: “This is stupid! I’m just going to go back to the main menu. So, what do I do from here?”

(The employee attempts several times to guide the customer through the process, and she continues to cut her off and ignore her suggestions. The customer appears to be in a huge hurry, and is obviously aggravated. Finally, after a few minutes.)

Customer:*about the app* “This is a joke. This is a total joke. Fine. Whatever. We’ll do this on Facebook.” *she takes a few minutes to find the picture she wants, all the while muttering* “I left those kids at the park. I left those d*** kids at the park… There, this picture. Can I just crop everyone out except this one person?”

Employee: “Well, what that will do is it will still be the same size and—”

Customer: “Is there any other way we can do this?!”

Employee: “You can hook your phone up to the photo kiosk, but it will download all of your photos.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t get this Internet to work. My man is going to kill me; I left those d*** kids at the park.”

Employee: “We don’t get a good connection in the store.”

Customer: “I HAVE WI-FI.”

Employee: “We don’t have Wi-Fi here.”

Customer: “YOU MEAN I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO OUT TO MY CAR TO GET ON THE INTERNET?!”

Employee: “You probably would have better luck in the back of the parking lot, yes.”

Customer:*stomps out while muttering* “I left those kids at the park.”

(I still can’t understand what could possibly be so important about this picture that she had to leave her children at the park to go get it!)

(I work for a cable company in their Internet repair team. When your Internet breaks, I’m the one you call. This customer in particular claims she has called six times in the past week; reading through the memos on her account, it has only been three times. Regardless, she starts the call with an attitude.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer:*obviously elderly* “What is your name, your employee ID, and where are you located?”

(I pause while I look through her information. I realize that when she was given a new modem the tech didn’t put it in the system that makes it work.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I see the issue here; it seems that your technician didn’t—”

Customer: “MY TECHNICIAN DID EVERYTHING HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO! I WATCHED IT WITH MY OWN EYES!”

Me:*holding headset off of my ears* “Ma’am, maybe it was a mistake—”

Customer: “THERE IS NO MISTAKE! I KNOW THE TECHNICIANS AROUND HERE! THEY WOULD NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s possible that he didn’t—”

Customer:*continues ranting about how she knows all about everything Internet*

Me: “Ma’am, I have told you quite a few times now exactly what I am seeing in front of me—”

(The customer interrupts me again, ranting and raving about how she knows everything about my job. I have given up at this point and just proceed to fix the problem without trying to explain what is wrong anymore.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you restart your computer for me, please?”

Customer:*shuts up finally* “Okay, it’s restarting.”

Me:*waits for her computer to come back up* “Okay. Can you open your browser, please?”

Customer: “Oh, look! I have Internet connection! How did you do that?”

Me: “Ma’am, that provisioning issue I tried to tell you about? I fixed it, and now you’re connected. If you have no further questions for me, thank you for calling [Cable Company]. Please remain on the line for a brief survey.”

(I have never been happier to hang up and go to break, which she also made me 15 minutes late for.)