i'm really sorry :( i hate that it is one of those lose-lose situations for you. well, or win/lose-win/lose. i don't know if that makes sense. but i'm still sorry. i really hope that with time, things will work out and start to make more sense. and you'll feel reassured that you made the right decision, hopefully, as much as it may hurt. and i'm really sorry you can't go back home for a summer break...how far away is home?