Fun fish jokes from the National Aquarium's Facebook fans

Published July 11, 2011

Last week we asked our Facebook fans to help us come up with 30 funny fish jokes in honor of the National Aquarium's 30th anniversary. The 30-plus jokes we received appear below. Like us on Facebook to add your own funny fish tales to the post!
Matthew Abbott of Washington, DC:
One fish says to the other, "You drink like a fish."
The other fish responds, "So do you."
Kimberly Rose Allred of Laurel, MD:
What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.
What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
Margie Bright Arndt:
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tunafish! (from my son Josh)
Sumintra Mohan Aumiller:
If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
Bre Brenner:
Why did the whale cross the street?
To get to the other tide.
BaltimoreMD:
Mother: Have you given the fish fresh water today?
Son: No, they still haven’t drunk yesterday's.
Matt Colly of Bel Air, MD:
What does a fish say when he bangs his head on a wall?
"Dam."
Karen Chester Dieffenbach of Waldorf, MD:
A fish walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The fish replies (gasping), "Water!"
Mary Jo Demshock of Nuremberg, PA:
What happened to the fishing boat that sank in piranha-infested waters?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Chuck Fuller of Baltimore, MD:
Two parrots are sitting on a perch...The first one says to the other, “Does something smell fishy?”
Jen Gatewood of Lansdale, PA:
Why are fish smarter than humans??
Have you ever seen a fish spend hundreds of dollars trying to hook a human...and still can't?
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rust!
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna piano!
Michele Gomez of Baltimore, MD:
Why wouldn't the little shrimp share his toys?
Because he was a little shellfish.
Leslie Jennings of Roanoke, VA & Dave Pittenger of Baltimore, MD:
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
Megan Ann King of Baltimore, MD:
This is from my 5 year old....
What kind of fish chases mice?
A catfish. :)
Kara Eichelman Leahy:
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the 'kelp-wanted' ads!
Marco LeMonde, Citizen of the World:
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The CODfather!
Lisa Ludwig of Salisbury, MD:
What do fish use to make telephone calls?
A shell phone.
Leah Hamlin:
Why are dolphins more clever than humans?
Within three hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!
Leslie Jennings of Roanoke, VA:
What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool ? Show me your mussels! :)
Genevieve Liboiron of Baltimore, MD:
What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much? A beer-a-cuda!
Lisa Thompson Lovette of Portsmouth, VA:
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?
Because they have electric 'eels!
Maria May:
What kind of fish has two knees?
A "tunee fish."
National Aquarium, Baltimore:
What day of the week do fish hate?
Fryday!!!
Jennifer Odom:
What do you call a scared fish? Chicken of the sea. That made my mom laugh when I was in second grade.
Adam Phelps of Cary, NC:
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish.
Anne A. Province:
My daughter likes these...
What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter?
A jellyfish.
Where do you take a fish that's ill?
To the Doc-topus!
Christiana Mercer Rigby of Washington, DC & Gene Taylor of Westminster, MD:
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A FSH! (pronounced fsssssh) :)
Leslie Meadows Stretton:
What kind of fish is especially funny?
A clown fish!
Jason Stroble of Palm Bay, FL:
Sometimes I go fishing just for the halibut!
Thought of another ...did I mention I love cheesy jokes?
Why did the Sheephead blush?
Because the sea-weed!
Jennifer McColery Trayer:
What's the smartest animal?
A fish because they stay in schools!
Kristen Skvorak Vallieu of Pittsburgh, PA:
OK, here is the joke my dad has been telling us kids for the past 30 years (as far back as I can remember):
What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two knee fish! (groan... :D)