I'm a writer, editor, teacher, Lovecraftian, zombie expert, and so much more. Also, please visit me at SeanHoade.com, follow me on Twitter at @SeanHoade, and become my special friend on Facebook at Facebook.com/HoadeWriter!

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But shit, it was 99 cents (Bag it!)

♫ Seanie used to work on his books
Novel’s now on sale
He’s down on his luck
It’s tough, so tough … ♫

One of the reasons I do this blog, other than the chicks and the Cristal bottle service, is to share with you the triumphs and tragedies of being what one friend euphemistically called “an emerging writer” rather than the wholly misleading “midlist author.” (Most of us are “emerging” at the pace—and with the horror—of a 24-pound breech baby with claws, but at least it’s an optimistic term.)

“Okay! Midlist! I’m a midlist author!”

I think I’m a good writer, and the more continual I keep my actual writing efforts, the smoother and better I get. However, I have the marketing skills of a leper with no bag on his head and a broken clapper. That’s why, when Severed Press, my astute and lovely publisher, told me that sales of Cthulhu Attacks!have been “a little disappointing,” I was ready to do what they said, follow their lead, bang their drum, &c.

Well, what they said was that they were putting the Kindle version of Cthulhu Attacks! on sale for … girding my loins here, whatever that means … 99 cents.

Prices so low you’ll need to shield your genitals.

99 cents. Yes, it is the (non-racial) ghetto of Kindle books, reserved mostly for bad zombie novels and erotica stories so short you could finish reading one while having a quickie and still have time left to apologize. That said, Severed knows what it’s doing, and if more people buy the book during this sale, that will increase word-of-mouth sales, because the book really is damned good.

So, starting today at 12:01 a.m. and going 160 hours (which makes it end on Wednesday at 4 a.m., prime book-shopping time somewhere in the world), Cthulhu Attacks! will go from its Olympic pricing height of $2.99 down to a more check-it-out friendly 99 cents. The hope is that it will make sales less disappointing and lead to even more sales as people who have read it tell others—perhaps through fecking Amazon reviews—and then those people brave the $2.99 regular price for this awesome book.

Also, if you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read it for free.

“ZOMG, free? So worth it!”

Also if you read (or flip through) at least the first 25 pages of the book when you get it from Kindle Unlimited, I get paid. So cue the Sarah McLachlan music, because I need you to rescue Cthulhu Attacks! from the sad kill-shelter of disappointing sales.

♫ I will remember you immediately change the channel … ♫

So let’s make this temporary visit to the Island of Misfit Tomes pay off for my publisher, please? If you don’t already have Cthulhu Attacks, maybe possibly buy the 99-cent Kindle version this week and tell people how great it is and how they should get it at 4:01 a.m. next Wednesday. It will result in more books from me and happiness all around, most assuredly! Otherwise I might retire from writing to spend more time with my alcohol.

Heh. Can I have my two bucks back then? LOL. You’ll have to buy my Blue Easter book when it comes out. Similar subject-dunno about the treatment cuz I haven’t read yours yet. I’ve moved 1000+ copies of my self-pubbed .99 collection. It’s doable. Keep writing.