Female Midlife Crisis

Whatis it that causes so many women in their forties to re-evaluate their lives andenter a mid-life crisis?

Forsome, their children are grown or nearly so, and they can finally take time todecide what’s important to them. Forothers, it could be the death or infidelity of a spouse, job loss, or a journeyof spiritual growth that leads them to this place. Regardless of the impetus, a process ofself-reflection and re-prioritizing occurs for many women in their forties andfifties.

Typically,a woman in this phase of life will decide that nothing fits anymore: not her job, her relationship or herbeliefs. She may join a women’s supportgroup and take on a whole new circle of friends.

What’sreally happening is that she is finally getting to know herself. Most womenspend the first forty or so years of their lives trying to please everyonearound them. Most women thrive on nurturing others; unfortunately it happens atthe expense of their own needs. That’s unsustainable behavior and eventuallyher well runs dry. Her inner reservesdepleted, she must turn inward to figure out what’s wrong and fix it.

Thisprocess is completely mysterious to the men in her life. Men don’t have the problemof feeling like they have to take care of everyone else before themselves. Theyunderstand that, like the airline attendants say, you have to put your ownoxygen mask on before you can help anyone else.

Notall women enter this phase of life, but for those who do the effects can bedevastating, and then utterly liberating. It’s possible to come out the otherside with your relationship intact, but it doesn’t happen often. When it does, it’s because both partnerscommit to their own growth.

Whena woman does leave her relationship, she’d do herself and her potentialpartners a world of good to take some time for herself before jumping into thenext relationship. It’s not fair to try to find yourself through the eyes ofanother, no matter how scary it might be to be on your own. Being afraid to be on your own is calledemotional fusion, and it afflicts most people, men and women alike.

Fora man fortunate enough to date a woman who’s been through this process, countyour lucky stars and do what you can to be man enough for her. It won’t necessarily be the easiestrelationship, but it will be the most fulfilling. She won’t let you get away with being a jerk,and she’ll expect you to demand her very best.