"The Microsoft robot could be the Swiss army knife of robots. It
could store your music collection, balance your checkbook and do your online
Christmas shopping for you. It would probably be squat and boxy but easy for
everyone to learn and use, but, like children, you have to worry about them
spreading viruses on the playground.

"The Mac OS robot would be sleek and sophisticated, if just a little
arrogant. It would edit your home videos and clean up your digital photos
all while poking fun at the boring, old Microsoft robot. It would be more
expensive than the Microsoft robot and claim to be able to do everything the
Microsoft robot can -- and do it better.

"The Linux robot would be built from any parts available, and therefore
could appear as anything from an insect to a racecar to a Microsoft robot
with a knowing smirk on its face. It would be the most highly configurable
of all of the robots, with huge numbers of components available, many of which
work mostly as advertised if the owner is willing to spend the time to get
them configured properly. It comes with a preinstalled flamethrower triggered
by an RTM sensor."

We'll take the Linux robot, please (for the flamethrower, of course), although
the Mac OS robot sounds like the most fun to hang around.

Frequent contributor Jon was up next, with a few shots at Vista:

"I want my Microsoft robot to write the successor for Windows XP.
If I hadn't taken my workplace violence training, I would also like it to
strangle whoever thought of Vista."

Wait...we have to stop here for a second. Workplace violence training? We're
brimming with questions. Why was it necessary in the first place? And were you
trained, Jon, to avoid violence in the workplace or to be violent in the office?
The second option seems much more useful than the first to us. Anyway, back
to Jon's e-mail:

"As with any Microsoft product, I sure wouldn't want version 1 of
this thing, since it would likely use Windex on the carpet and then try to
vacuum the windows after I ask it to make Windows better. Setting it loose
in the kitchen would undoubtedly result in half-baked food like hamburger
cookies and oatmeal cheesecake that Microsoft thought were good ideas. If
I asked it to do the laundry, I can imagine coming home and finding the robot
wearing my underwear on its head. And not because it thought it would be funny."

Mmm, oatmeal cheesecake. But Jon wasn't finished (fortunately, because this
is good stuff). He actually sent a whole separate e-mail to say this:

"It would always promise to deliver a delicious dinner by 6:00 p.m.
but would usually let its schedule slip until much later. The more interesting
of the promised side dishes would have to be cut to make the new deadline.
Dinner would have an excessive ad campaign to keep my interest while I'm waiting."

Jon, you've got us shaking here (all four cheeks and a chin, as Cliff Claven
once said on "Cheers"). That was fantastic stuff. And we loved David's
entry, too. Thanks, guys, and keep it coming.