Boys, can you keep it down, I’m trying to grade papers. Seriously, I need you to keep it down! What? What do you need to tell me now? Oh, your friend Charlie drove the teacher nuts today? Wow, you don’t say. Sarah picked her nose and put it on Jackson. That’s fascinating. No, I didn’t roll my eyes, really that was fascinating. I really don’t want to hear about how Tyler accidentally rolled over on his new baby sister. I need to finish grading these papers. I have a lot of work to do. Mommy loves you, but will you please be quiet.

You hit 17 out of 30 balls at the batting cages. Awesome! Can we talk about this after I finish cooking dinner? I’m glad you think your new baseball bat, the one that cost a $100, is the reason why you are hitting so much better this year. Yes, I know your bat is blue and Jessie’s is yellow. Yes, I have seen them. I saw them at your frist practice and I saw them at the field cleanup. I already know that dad said no to the cleats. You really don’t need them. I know you think they are cool but you don’t need them. No, you really don’t have to explain it to me again. I remember from the first four times you explained it. Yes, I remember seeing the baseball bat that was $539 at Dick’s Sporting Goods. I was there, too. Now why don’t you go outside and toss some balls to your big brother. Yes, mommy loves you too…now go outside.

I know all your friends have iPhones. No, you may not have one. Why? Because you already have an iPod. I really don’t want to have this conversation again. If you need to make a phone call while you are at school you can go to the office, or borrow one of your friend’s phones since apparently they all seem to have one. Just out of curiosity when was the last time you tried to call me while you were at school? That’s right, never. No, I am done talking about this. I told you, if you get a part time job and can pay for your share of the bill then you can have an iPhone, but until then stop asking. Yes, I know, I am mean. I’m the meanest mom in the whole world. Now go away!

What on earth is all that yelling about? The neighbors can hear you all the way down the block. I’m on the phone and I need you to keep it down. Wait, why is your brother tied to a tree? Stop picking on him just because he is smaller than you. I mean it, let your brother loose. No, I’m not yelling at you, I’m yelling at your big brother. Why are you crying? I said I’m not mad at you. Okay, okay, stop crying. Oh dear lord, I need a drink.

Boys! Stop all that screaming. If you don’t be quiet right this second I swear I will ground you both from video games for a month! I don’t care if he hit you in the head with a Thor hammer. I don’t care if you hit him because he broke your Lego set. Life isn’t fair. Get over it!

That’s it. So help me god if you two don’t get into those beds by the time I count to three I will make you both sleep outside on the deck. I won’t even care if you get eaten by a coyote. One, TWO…I mean it…I’m counting to three!

Please tell me this isn’t just my house. Seriously!
~Tina
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