What costs a quarter-million dollars and vibrates at frequencies that only incontinent birds can hear? You guessed it! It's all the upgrades coming to Queens subway stations, from metal spikes to low-voltage wires to ward off shitting pigeons, an existential threat to Queens commuters according to one city councilman.

Queens City Councilman Jimmy Van Bramer got the MTA to earmark the cash for the upgrades last year after a grassroots effort to call attention to literally piles and piles of shit at Sunnyside and Woodside subway stops.

The new tech will include ultrasonic devices that only the pigeons can hear, low-voltage wires to deliver annoying zaps to the birds, and metal ridging on railings to prevent nesting and roosting.

But is the pidgeon poop problem really so urgent that it demands $250,000 of MTA funds to fix, especially with the recent news that the agency needs money for repairs and to stave off fare hikes?

Van Bramer tells DNAinfo, "At least twice a day Sunnysiders and Woodsiders are forced to dodge pigeon poop as if they're dancing through raindrops. But of course this isn't rain drops, it's pigeon poop." But of course.