Ask Amy

DEAR AMY: I was married for 17 years and have been divorced for a year. I moved on quickly and have been dating somebody for the better part of a year.

My ex and I are on friendly terms because we have a son together. She calls me to discuss our son. I have no feelings about her whatsoever.

I feel my girlfriend is jealous. She says all the phone calls from the ex have to stop, even though she doesn't call that often.

My girlfriend and I went away for a weekend and the ex was calling to give me updates about my pets because I had nobody else to watch them.

My girlfriend's kids kept calling all weekend, but I understood because they had not been without her for an extended time.

I love this girlfriend but we seem to fight regularly. I am starting to feel this relationship is not worth it.

She also criticizes my son all the time.

I thought I had established a boundary with the ex, or haven't I?

— Thoroughly Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Your ex checking in with you repeatedly to give you updates about your pets while you are away on a romantic weekend is a bit much. If your son was calling to talk to you, that would be one thing, but pet-oriented phone calls really aren't necessary unless Fifi or Puffball faces some sort of emergency.

However, if you aren't willing to pull back a little from this relationship (or draw your girlfriend in more by including her), then the tension between you won't change.

My instinct is that while your girlfriend might be right, and your relationship with your ex is a little too cozy, your girlfriend will still have to go.

Why? Because she is mean to your kid.

That's a deal-breaker.

DEAR AMY: We live in a quiet neighborhood, at least it was until recently. We have some wacky neighbors across the street who would occasionally smoke some marijuana. We tolerated the smell, because it did not happen too often.

In the last month, this has greatly increased. My husband is going nuts, as he is a federal agent.

I am trying to keep some peace in the neighborhood, but we are now noticing that cars are stopping at the house for very short periods; people disappear inside for a few minutes, then take off.

My husband suspects they (including the mother) are selling drugs out of the house.

My husband wants to engage the local police and crash the party for good, but I worry about them coming after my dog and me (our children are grown).

What do you think we should do?

— Worried Neighbor

DEAR WORRIED: If you let this household turn your street into a drug supermarket, all of your lives will be severely affected. You should not stand by and let this happen (and frankly, I'm surprised your husband would).

Get the police involved and ask them to keep an eye on the street. If they start patrolling, it could have an immediate impact on the party, but if you wait it will be more entrenched and harder to stop.

3 Comments on this post:

By:yogiman on 8/23/10 at 7:19

Amy, I agree with you on this 'drug supermarket' on this street. They should get the police involved asap. If it is left loose, more druggers will move into the neighborhood. When the others who might move there see the immediate action, they most like not likely want to move in for fear of getting caught.

By:breathofdeath on 8/23/10 at 8:11

If the husband is in law enforcement it should be reported because failure to do so could potentially jeopardize his career and also place him in legal trouble.

By:gdiafante on 8/23/10 at 1:54

I don't buy the second letter. A federal agent notices illicit drug use and possible sales and does nothing about it?