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Out of Africa (and stuffed & mounted)

Straw is leaving soon for a hunting trip to Africa. “How about a full body mount hippo for the living room?”

For those that have actually been in my living room, you know that I don’t find that joke funny. When you’re trying to watch trash TV surrounded by a bless buck, a Kudu, and a Tar, you often have the “how did this happen?” thought….as in, “how does my Pottery Barn/Restoration aesthetic get steamrolled by a guy who likes to hang up trophies?” “How in God’s name did my living room turn into a Alabama truck stop?” “How does someone who hunts animals marry someone who hunts at Nordstroms?” Instead of “Duck Dynasty” it’s starting to look like “WTF Dynasty” in here.

One time he called from Africa and actually said, “Hey….do you want a zebra rug for the living room? I can shoot one for you.”

Um no.

Animals, especially the ones roaming the vast open spaces of Africa are so majestic. How could anyone shoot a lion or elephant? They’re not going to be around forever and I certainly don’t want one hanging on my wall (what little wall space I have left). The plan was to build a cabin to move the heads. After the cabin was built, I got “well, the heads are too big for the cabin.” Silence.

I need a drink. Or a cupcake.

And my man needs a man cave. Preferably far away from my living room.

So, pray that no “crates are on their way” after this trip. No heads are heading into my house to haunt me. Pray that my son would rather be enjoying a boat drink in his boat shoes when he gets older more than a Bud Light on a back road.

Pray that I can somehow get us OFF the Cabela’s mailing list.

And pray that I don’t get any phone calls from this trip with offers of decor made from animal hides.