Dear Blmoon, Please help me with a reading

First, I would like to thank you with all my heart and soul for the reading that you gave me 1½ year ago. I was going through a tough time, and the reading you gave me truly changed my life. For that I am eternally grateful.

Your reading was at times a tough pill to chew, but I'm so much the better for it. So that's why I'm asking you for your help again. I hope that you can help me again because I'm really uncertain about some things in my life.

My big problem right now is that I've been seeing a guy at work who I'm in love with and who (I hope) is in love with me. And I know that a lot of ladies will shoot me now - because I shouldn't have a problem with this - I have a great job and a perfect mate - but I have a really big problem with this - and I always have had. And when I'm off work and in my freetime, then I couldn't be happier because I'm in love with a great guy. But then when I'm at work or when I'm getting ready to go to work then I feel annoyed, sad and unhappy, and at work I feel that he's getting in the way of all the things that I want to do in this life. Poor guy, what a burden i'm putting on his shoulders. Some days I just want to love and be loved, but other days I just want to do so much in this one life that I have and I feel that he's getting in the way of work and other things. What am I supposed to do? And WHY do I feel this way? But it's always the same wall that I keep bumping into everytime I'm in a relationship and I'm wondering if now is the time to do something about it or learn something from it. Because I keep doing it over and over. And to be completely truthful deep down inside I fear that if I let him go by sabotaging and ending the relationship, then that that would be my last shot at happiness and a loving relationship for years to come. It took me 6 years to find a good guy and a loving boyfriend, and I'm afraid that I'll throw that away and it'll take me another 6 years if not more, to find another great guy who I love just as much and who loves me just as much back. But that's wishful thinking even, to be honest. I don't know. I really don't know. I'm on two-sides of this, as you can hear.

Do you get anything for me? Because I also very much feel that my angels want to say something to me. But I simply can't hear what it is. And I don't know if it's too much to ask, but can you please ask Archangel Michael/Saint Michael, if he has anything to say to me, because I'm listening.

Please help me Blmoon. Because I'm very much in doubt and ambivalent. Thank you for all your help Blmoon. And I hope you see this. : )

It is a good day when you get the pattern---your shadow side is coming into light. Very scary! But the day comes when the harm we do ourselves and others is scarier than whatever it is that hides. We all have a shadow side and change comes when our two sides join as one and we become whole. What you fear is what sabotages you. You fear you can't change whatever wounded you. But reality is you are looking at it wrong---you see failure if you unleash your wound but truth is we do not change the wound we just give it a name and out it and when it motivates us to do something out of fear or lack of self love we can look at it from detached distance without judgement and say oh there it is my wounded self---maybe abandoned little girl self doing that thing. THEN after moving through the pain of reliving that wound we can get back to choice--free will---and choose how to proceed--- Without regret for that moment of our shadow showing it's bad behavior. Your issue is with feeling safe. AND a fear of joy---because to be in a state of joy is to be vulnerable as it gets. It is when you are most happy that you get distracted by imagined doom---the fear interferes! Your shadow side--the wounded child does not feel safe when things are too happy. You will be happy--then anxiety will start---you will be in so need of relief that you will actually choose a unhappy path just to make the anxiety stop! Your core wound is not feeling safe in joy because someone in your childhood took advantage of your vulnerable child self. This also morphed into guilt---you felt you did something wrong and you lack self love. As an adult you reach for love---but your wound---your inner child fears being vulnerable. Whatever marked you is who you are. Accept your darker side and override it. You have a lot of buried pain---it needs release so know that you will create situations that allow you to rage or vent. My inner child has safety issues too and big abandonment issues. She always will. But I love her enough to let her show herself at times---let the emotions pass through me---then my head rules---I say to myself--wow--I really overreacted to that situation---then I see--oh, yes ---it's my abandoned child who overreacted to a situation because she only saw fear of abandonment. I may apologize to the person who met up with my emotional overreaction. Then I choose! I do not let my fearful shadow side lead or make decisions--but I let her be known. When you take responsibility for suddenly knowing your life is more choice than chance and luck ----patterns appear and it is time to be in awareness. You can only do this by loving yourself unconditionally and without judgement. Guilt and regret only freezes your progress. It is the way out of victim mentality and puts you in the Goddess seat. Make peace with being vulnerable. To love is to feel hurt--it comes with vulnerability but to be safe is to close your life to love and love IS GOD. During anxiety phases of joy you can say the mantra---it is safe to feel good--it is good to feel safe. Repeat it as long as it takes. You need to work at this. Deepak Chopra has great meditations for helping issues of all kinds---some are only 15 minutes a day! You can go to a big bookstore and buy cds with guided help. You are ready for awareness! And healing. BLESSINGS

Wow! That was so mind-blowingly powerful a reading, that it took me two days, before I could even write you back, because I was processing and digesting everything, and was at a total loss for words, but in a totally good way. You have a psychic ability that is so powerful and a reservoir of wisdom that is so deep and wide, that it blows my mind everytime.

I still have a hard time expressing my gratitude into words, as you probably can hear. But I do hope you know, that I am so eternally grateful, and that your reading was exactly what I needed, more than you will ever know, or more than I could possibly ever say. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I cried, and cried, and cried, but it was a good cry, because it felt like doors were opening and that life was getting better. Thank you, thank you. Because I couldn't have seen these things or even known these things, if it hadn't been for your psychic gifts, wisdom, and kindness. Thank you, again. And I don't know what more to say. Even though I have sooo much to say. Whew, I'd better head off to bed, because I have so much more processing and digesting to do and for a long time to come. Thank you again, Blmoon.