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Monday, September 5, 2011

Sometimes I Have Trouble Sharing

I love gummi bears. Not just ANY gummi bears, but the Haribo gummi bears that are made in Germany. Whenever I see them, I buy them. Those bears are edible reminders of happier moments in my childhood. I treasure them, and eat only a handful at a time, so as to savor them.

I sort the bears by color, of course. I have to eat them in a certain order. Because I like the green ones the best, I eat the white ones first so as to get them out of the way. Then the beloved green ones, the red ones, the orange, and I finish with the yellow. I have no idea why I like the green ones the best; that is a memory deeply submerged in my subconscious. It does not diminish my enjoyment.

When I got married, I worried that my husband would consider my gummi bears to be community property. When he informed me that he ONLY liked the orange gummi bears, I knew we were meant to last. After sorting, I could part with the orange ones. I would even occasionally share some of the yellow ones with our yellow Lab Sandy. No problem sharing the yellows. Now, my son feels ready to experience the joy of gummi bears. Except that I don't want to share.

That's right--I don't want to share my gummi bears with my only son. My instinctive reaction is to hog the bears. I know it is childish. I have to acknowledge my feelings, however. I feel a bit guilty about not sharing, since we teach Zane that sharing with others is very important. I have my reasons for not wanting to share.

The boy doesn't follow the rules! He eats any old gummi bear that he happens to grab! No sorting! No ordering of colors! The horror!

Maybe he is too young for gummi bears. Maybe he hasn't acquired the concept of sorting by categories. He's only three. They're only gummi bears, right? That's what I have been telling myself, in the hopes that I can get over my reluctance.
But I have a feeling that my wanting to hog the bears is deep-rooted within my psyche. I may need therapy to begin to let go of the bears, but where the heck do you find a therapist specializing in gummi bears?