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THE UGLY SIDE OF BLOGGING

Truthfully, I didn’t know what I was going to write for this post. I was minding my own business having a right good sing along to Avril Lavigne and editing this photo set when it came to me. See, out of the 100 or so photos we took of this outfit, I struggled to find 8 that I liked for this post. If I’m honest, there’s really only 4 or 5 I’m actually a fan of and that’s because you can’t really see my body.

I’ve always had an odd relationship with the way I look. I’ve touched upon this in a post before so I’m not going to go too in depth here but essentially my issues with the way I look took route in my teenage years. As a 12 year old I remember a friend of Mum’s telling me I looked just like her but “you’re much curvier though”. This isn’t a bad thing necessarily, but telling this to a 12 year old who hero worships her Mum and wants to be just like her when she grows up isn’t ideal. I didn’t really consider it again until I was 16 and saw nasty comments about the size of my bum floating around Myspace. I became a girl obsessed and from then on my relationship with my body has gone from bad to much, much worse.

I’ll be honest, dealing with a host of mental illnesses and physical conditions really hasn’t helped to make my relationship with my body any easier. I’m forever angry at it for not working the way I want it to, for not giving me a day off from constant mental torment, but I’m getting there. I re-joined the gym last month after moving to a new area and I’m making myself go three times a week to really build up a fitness routine. After moving out in 2015, I didn’t look after myself at all and two years of little exercise and too much junk food took its toll. I think I can see some small changes already which is good and my relationship with my body is very slowly starting to improve simply from the knowledge that I’m doing something about it.

So what is the problem? Where does blogging come into it?

I think that my relationship with myself has definitely been worse since I began this blog. While in the past I hated what I saw in the mirror, I was really only confronted with that image a few times a day and that was it. Since starting my blog and shooting outfits regularly I’m confronted with looking at images of myself on a daily basis. There’s nothing quite like that one really unflattering photo to make you feel the worst kinda way, and it can genuinely put you in a pretty terrible mindset. This is especially hard when you browse through Instagram and you see your friends, your peers, and those you look up to in the industry absolutely killing it and you wish you looked like them. The blogging industry as a whole is hugely populated with skinny white women, and this is something that is definitely being discussed more and more recently. In an industry where only skinny women are being represented as the ‘goal’, where clothes look most flattering on those with a tiny frame, it’s hard. This is coming from the perspective of someone who is technically a size 6/8 (although I will argue that is just because I am in general a very petite person and not because I am “thin” per se) who has just got a little out of shape. If it’s affecting me so much I can’t bare to think about how much it might affect someone else who struggles even more than I do.

I think it’s a slippery slope, but I also don’t think it’s something that’s going to change much. While I can’t wait for more plus sized ladies and gorgeous women of colour to get more representation in the industry, I still think that for the most part brands and people in general will idolise those with a smaller frame. It’s always been the way in the fashion industry and to me blogging doesn’t seem much different. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I’m starting to favour Youtube more – it’s certainly more flattering in terms of creating fashion content for me and I don’t always have to stare at the parts of my body I can’t stand when editing photos.

What are your thoughts on this? I realise I haven’t really concluded this post, I guess its an ongoing issue and something I think about and consider fairly regularly.

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Comments

Hello Lucy,Gosh, this is going to be long, so get ready for this comment, gal.First of all, I came across your blog looking for some alternative fashion inspiration which I could ACTUALLY wear at work (some of us don't have really flexible works and I can't dye my hair purple and be okay with it), and your style fits perfectly for that category. Plus, I loved it.Then, I went deeper into it and I ended up reading all your personal posts. One that hit me hard was a post where you talked about the horrible habit of comparing yourself to famous faces, and then to your old self. God, I've been there. I've struggled with self image and a fucking ed for years, now I've come to a place where I can finally say that I'm happy with who am I, but not 100%. Sometimes I wonder if there's anyone who's 100% happy with themselves… Guess the answer is probably no. Anyways, this is pointless rambling, I just wanted to let you know that it feels good to read someone who got similar issues and feel like I'm not alone in this world. Idk, it makes sense in my mind.Now, regarding your image, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND how you struggle with your self-image. I mean, come one, girl, the only thing I thought as I scrolled down your blog was "damn, I wish I was so fucking pretty" (in a good way). Because you're, no matter your weight, your style rocks ages and your face is such a pretty one. You're beautiful, girl, trust me.Last but not least, I love reading how honest you are about everything: your mom, your dad, yourself, Joseph. Reading your blog makes me feel like I know you, and that's something I really value when I chose to follow one.So I guess this was just a weird mix of my thoughts, I hope they made sense. I love your style and your blog, hope you keep getting better and better, and trust life, I'm sure it has wonderful surprises to you. I'm proud of you. You got yourself a follower here, Lucy.Love,Bel x

Oh girl this comment has me speechless. THANK YOU SO MUCH <33 I honestly have no words to express how amazing it is to receive a comment like this on a post so personal. You've truly made my day! I'm so pleased to hear you're doing better and that you're happy with who you are – everyone deserves that peace and it sounds like you've been through hell to get there so I'm really proud of you <3 Huge love to you!!

Also, fuck standards, fuck goals, fuck fashion and fuck blogging. Lately, blogging has been taking away the "unique" in every blogger just to make them all the same, following the rules of what's trendy and cool. I don't like that, at all. If I follow a blogger, it's because them has their own style, their own way of being themselves, and not because they're skinny or pretty enough 🙂

I can relate to this post so much – a lot of people don't understand why I struggle with body confidence, they don't see what I see in the mirror (all the lumps and bumps in the wrong places), they don't feel the things I feel when I see them or get how much it takes to get in front of the camera sometimes.It took me so long to get in front of the camera when I started my site, I would often try to take pictures and then 'chicken out' at the last minute.I guess I just wanted to leave a comment to let you know that you are definitely not alone.Emma | HarmonyBlaze.co.uk