Reddit, what are the most useful askreddit posts?

I had a askreddit post saved that was, "What is your favorite quick joke?" knowing someday it would come in handy. One day, my wife and I were headed somewhere and she was having a terrible day for reasons I won't go into (glad to say, it wasn't my fault!), but she was really angry and sad and on our way to our destination we encountered a really rough patch of construction.

It was one of those days where one more thing going wrong would cause her to break down and this was it. So we're stuck in construction for 2-3 minutes and it's obvious we're gonna be there for a long time. She's ready to start crying and I pull up my phone and pull up that askreddit post and without warning just start reading her jokes.

She starts busting up laughing and since they're quick jokes, I can hit her with them one after another, before she recovers from one joke I hit her with the next. 5-7 minutes of this and they finally let us through construction and she was in a much better mood.

Iirc, it was an AskReddit comment that gave advice which drove away tinnitus that I'd had for years. It was really weird advice, too. Basically lay your hands flat over your ears, resting fingers along the curve of your skull so that your middle fingers point at each other, then put your index fingers over top of your middles, and flick them back down into their normal position so that they drum lightly on your head. Repeat 20 or 30 times, then uncover your ears.

I have no idea why this works, but it was magical relief, and clears up that painful noise whenever it arises.

(I don't have a link, and am on mobile, so searching for one is tricky.)

This is one reason I don't mind it when my tinnitus acts up. I didn't even know I really it until a couple years ago when friends and I were talking and I learned "hearing silence" was, in fact, just me. Regardless, the little ring gives me a sound to focus on when I zone out and think, which makes it a bit easier to think in less-than-quiet spaces.

The downside is sometimes when I'm trying to sleep I want to rip my cochleae out.

Well, I learned two things from that. First, how to do it, and I can attest that it works! Second I've been pronouncing tinnitus wrong my whole life. I always say it as ti-night-us, not tin-ni-tus like they did in the video.

coursera.org - Educational site that works with universities to get their courses on the internet, free for you to use!

lizardpoint.com - A collection of browser-based games and the like to improve knowledge of geography, math, and such.

ted.com - Collection of TED (Technology, Entertainment and Design) talks in which knowledgable speakers address a variety of topics in short videos (< 18 minutes)

lifehacker.com - Learn to hack life! Tips and tricks for improving all areas of your life.

lifehackninja.com - Recently started life hack site that offers lists of useful knowledge.

good.is/infographics - (Note: /u/gerbalgerbal typo'd to /inforgraphics, which does exist but isn't much of anything) Collection of infographics to get some good information in an easy to digest visual format.

noexcuselist.com/everything - A convenient list of lots of awesome sites to learn from. Includes pretty much everything listed here, helpfully grouped into categories. Hover over links to get descriptions that may or may not beat out mine! (from /u/figureEIGHTS)

livemocha.com - Community dedicated to the idea of everyone being fluent in multiple languages, teach or be taught another language with the goal of conversational fluency. (from /u/bearfiesta)

This is why I'm gun shy in public restrooms. I find it both funny and gross that someone else is machine gunning beside me so I try to wait them out in case my ass decides it wants to play along. I never know what to expect so I wait them out to save the internal embarrassment.

The other day in the work restroom, no sooner had I flushed when I hear a ripping liquid menace begin from the stall beside me. I'm fairly sure the dude there was trying to camouflage his anal emission under the sounds of my flush.

I wanted to crack a joke across stalls but decided to just get out as the smell was pretty nasty.

Dude if you can't fart in a restroom when will you fart? It's probably one of the only acceptable place to rip one off in public. Next time you pee don't squeak it out like a preteen gym sneaker, let it roar like a leaf blower own that fart.

I was in a public restroom once. The first stall next to the urinals. Some guy walks in while taking loudly on the phone. He's got the volume up loud and I can hear the person he's taking to as well. It just so happened I had one in the chamber. I pinched it back while clenching my abs to give it some back pressure, a little extra oomph if you will. As the echo reverberated in the all tile room (amazing acoustics in this one restroom in particular) I could hear on the other end "What on earth was-" and heard the phone abruptly click shut. (Yes, this was back in the flip-phone days.)

These things can backfire badly though. One day in the office when my colleague was on the phone I ripped a mighty one that was so loud my colleague went red because the guy he was on the phone to went really quiet.

Imagine my glee later on when another fart was brewing, I planted one arm on each armrest of my chair and got myself extended fully, putting everything I had into this soon to be groundbreaking fart.

Except, there was no fart. There was some poo though. The karma Gods were mocking me as I ran to the toilet to get my boxers off before the shit got through to my trousers.

I was at a friend's house today. We were all in the attached garage doing some stuff. I had to drop a deuce so I went around to the bathroom on the lower level there. Had a nice loud shit and felt pretty good about myself. As I turned around to flush the toilet I noticed that there was a window above the toilet that was open, and lo and behold, it opened into the garage. I can only imagine that the garage was added after the house was built or something. No one said anything, but I imagine they got an earful.

Isn't momentum a function of velocity and mass? So your output mass has potential energy at the anal section. When it drops and makes contact with the water with some velocity and mass, Newtons 2nd law comes into play and water is splashed back. So the splash is dependant on both velocity and mass.

And here's Reddit's 'Museum of Filth' - Although not an Askreddit post, it's very useful to understand some of reddit's ongoing jokes like 'something something 2 broken arms'. Obviously NSFW and NSFL - some of the stuff will make your soul pucker.

Edit: So I posted 4 decent links, one leading to the meseum of filth which has 32 of it's own; so let's call it 35. /u/pdmcmahon replied with this immaculate list of 70 direct links to what is virtually raw reddit filth and fame, much of which this 7 year vet painstakingly hand picked. The first link, if you notice, exhibits his prowess for the creation of lists, and for that we thank him.

idk, its something about masturbating to maggots in a dumpster... I got bored halfway through. Its so wildly out there that its not believable to me. Part of the charm of two broken arms or the various ER horror stories are their believably IMO.

I just read that one because I don't remember coming across it before. 10/10 regret.

Edit: It's been almost 48 hours since I read that and I'm still nauseated from it. For everyone who is curious, I highly recommend just letting this one go. It's not worth it. Don't read it. Just...don't.

He also claimed he fucked into a woman's womb through her cervix and gave her a prolapsed cervix and as a woman all I can say is OW FUCK OW OW OW FUVCKING HELL THAT IS NOT HOW ANY OF THAT WORKS ARE YPU FUCKING INSANETHAT SOUNDS SO FUCKING PAINFUL HOLY FUCK OW FUCK

Me too. I started my journey into the world of programming due to the CS50 suggestion from that thread. Now, I am able to write simple servers and make beautiful websites. FeelsGoodMan CS50 gave me a really good introduction of computer science and taught me the basics really well.

NoScript: Addon for Mozilla browsers (Firefox) that blocks scripts (like JS) from running on non-whitelisted sites. Kinda like Adblock, but for scripts.

ProxMate: German add-on/extension to access geoblocked content (like YouTube), is pay to use.

ANTIVIRUS

Bitdefender: Helps you to not get viruses.

Malwarebytes: Helps you to get rid of the viruses that BD missed. There is a paid version, but the free ver is pretty good.

Hitman Pro: An antivirus software with a whole host of awesome features and a 30 day free trial. The three year license only costs $50US and it's a product from SOPHOS, so you know it's good shit.

MUSIC/VIDEO

Musicbee: Like iTunes, but you know, better. Because it's not iTunes.

VLC: Free media player, works pretty well. Some people like it, others don't.

Media Player Classic - Home Cinema: For those who don't like VLC. I run it with the K-lite codec pack and it is amazing.

Foobar2000: Free audio player for Windows, supports a wide range of audio formats and has a lot of cool features.~~~~

KMPlayer: Free multimedia player, stock version is better than stock MPC-HC, would recommend.

Audacity: Audio recording software, I used it for a little bit and there's so much cool shit you can do with it! Definitely recommend it. Also, it's free!

Exact Audio Copy: Transfer files from your CDs to your PC in almost every format. Comes with some pretty nifty features too!

Kodi: Free and Open Source home theatre software.

GAMES

Unity: Free game engine. Easy-ish to pick up and use with a shitton of tutorials.

Unreal Engine: Another free game engine. Lots of documentation and easier to pick up, but you pay 5% royalties to Unreal when you make money from UE-based games.

Steam: Largest online video game retailer. Desktop app allows you to organise your library of games and play them at any time. But you already knew that.

Origin: Like Steam, but for Satan EA.

GOG Galaxy: Again, similar to Steam. Owned by GOG.com (formerly Good Old Games), GOG-G is a store that is was almost entirely dedicated to the old games. They still sell the classics but also sell more modern video games. All the games are also DRM free. Owned by CD Projekt (CDP Red is the dev team behind The Witcher series)

VoIP

Teamspeak 3: Voice Over IP program that allows you to set up a server (most people pay a company to host for them) for people to connect to and chat on. Used by online gamers around the world.

Discord: Similar to TS3, but has a browser and phone app and is entirely free to use.

Mumble: Another VoIP program like TS3 with purchasable servers. Haven't used it but have heard good things about it.

Ventrilo: Free and lightweight VoIP program, looks pretty good.

ART

Gimp: Free photoshop (Not as powerful as photoshop, but still very useful)

Paint.NET: More powerful version of MSPaint

Inkscape: Free vector-based graphic design software. I haven't used it, but I have heard a lot of good things about it!

Blender: Free, open source 3D modelling software. It's got a lot of cool features but is a tad hard to first get into.

Krita: Free drawing software with a bunch of cool features.

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The list is now officially too long for a single post. See part two here

Would anyone will be able to find me the post about that one guy who found out about his wife cheating and did constant update about the stalking he did to find the proof. It was couple of years ago, and i guess there was another post with more updates

Often Redditors who think themselves comical geniuses will ask these kind of "bait and switch" questions that start off sounding like something people might actually be interested in, often sexual or morbid, then change to something mundane and much less interesting. OP laughs at how he tricked everyone, and commenters get to laugh at no one real and say things like "What, did you expect something to do with nudes? This is just a useful thread about crock pot recipes XD"

I'm always late to the party on these, but: A couple years ago there was a thread along the lines of "Redditors over 50, what are three pieces of advice you'd give younger folk?" A recurring answer was "marry the person who makes you happy." I'm not saying I decided then and there to propose to my girlfriend but it made me think. I referenced the post in my vows when we tied the knot this June. ;)

It was an AskReddit comment that gave advice for men, but I can not find the link. Excellent advice so that after going to the toilet in the pants do not leak not a single drop of urine from penis. I still do this every time after toilet.

After urinating, place your fingers under the base of the scrotum, slide your fingers applying pressure along the direction to the penis. In this way you will squeeze out the remains of urine.