How to deal with sh!t Christmas presents

So, you’ve opened all your presents from the family and you’re not entirely happy with the outcome. I mean how many pairs of socks or Lynx gift sets does one man need?

Perhaps you’ve bought your partner a lovely white gold necklace and in return you’ve received an out of date AA Road Map and a gateau slicer.

Well don’t worry, Gef’s here to help you shift that shit! Christmas is all about giving, even if it’s re-giving, right?

If you’ve unwrapped a whopper, follow these steps:

Put on your best fake-genuine smile and say “Oh it’s a <insert thing here>, how cool!” This is the minimum response required for the attention to shift away from you

If they’re still looking at you, use your imagination and just pretend it’s that Tag Heuer watch you’ve always wanted and try to style it out. (I can see an Oscar coming your way next Christmas!)

However, do not over act. It could be seen as a fake and you’ll be rumbled, or worse you’ll receive the same gift next year because “you loved it so much”

Whatever you do, do not open said gift or remove any packaging, that shit ain’t going nowhere then!

After the unwrapping has concluded, discreetly search all plastic bags for the receipt. If unsuccessful, subtly ask the giftee if they kept it “just in case”, but don’t give the game away

Sneak off to the loo with your phone to look up the current selling price on Ebay. If you act quick, it might still have value. At this stage, take anything

Use your powers of persuasion to swap it with a naive sibling or sympathetic (and discrete) family member. Choose wisely or it’ll bite you in the arse and you’ll look like an ungrateful chump

If you’re feeling ballzy, seize a moment of chaos around the tree and re-wrap the present using discarded paper. Pretend to find it and say “oh so-and-so this one’s for you!”. Risky but those who dare, win, right?

Still not palmed it off? Keep calm, chalk it off as a dud and relax in the knowledge you can re-gift it next year and it’ll save you some cash

If all else fails, grab another glass of Bucks Fizz, or a bottle, depending on the severity of the gifting trauma

In all seriousness though, if you receive an unwanted gift, there are so many children and families out there less fortunate, who may have received nothing this Christmas.

Please do not throw the gift away or shove it to the back of the closet. Instead, why not embrace the true spirit of Christmas and donate them to your local charity shop so those less fortunate can enjoy them.