3625: Her past is giving
her sleepless nights and she feels bad for her child

I was a very modern girl until I met my
husband who brought me to Islam alhamdulilah. I was a zaniya and I never thought it was
that bad! this is making me have sleepless nights (which I sometimes spend praying to
Allah)and no matter how much I do I feel Allah will not forgive me for the many sins! I
got pregnant from my husband when we were still engaged ! the child is 7 now! is he a
"Child from Zina" will I ever be forgiven!
jazakum allah alf khair

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly, whoever repents, Allaah accepts his or her repentance.

Secondly, if the pregnancy and birth happened before the marriage
contract took place according to sharee’ah, the child takes the adulterous
mother’s name, not the adulterous father’s. The child still has rights according
to sharee’ah and he should be given a good upbringing and cared for properly.

Thirdly, you should not despair of the mercy of Allaah or say
“Allaah will not forgive me.” “No one despairs of Allaah’s soothing
mercy except those who have no faith” [Yoosuf 12:87 – interpretation of the
meaning]; “And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord, but such as go astray?”
[al-Hijr 15:56 – interpretation of the meaning]. So long as you have repented,
you should have the hope of mercy from Allaah.

Fourthly, you will find a detailed answer about repentance from zinaa
and a lot of information to make you feel better, in the book “"I
Want to Repent, But...", which is published in the
“Books” section of this website.

Fifthly, what is in the past can be dealt with by
repenting. From now on you have to try to do a lot of good deeds, because good deeds wipe
out bad deeds and raise a person’s status. We ask Allaah to forgive your sins and
help you adhere firmly to His religion. We wish you a future filled with good deeds and
acts of worship. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad,