Begin by accepting what is.

Your happiness depends on it.

Applying this Post in Everyday Life

Specifically, each time you criticize something about yourself (or any area of your life); you must acknowledge (accept) three positive aspects about the very thing you condemned. Hence, the 3 to 1 positivity ratio.

For example, each time you put yourself down for not having enough friends, you need to accept three wonderful aspects of spending time alone. (Freedom; Spontaneity; Peace of mind.)

This daily practice helps dampen the adverse impact negativity bias (a type of cognitive distortion) has on your life.

My pleasure! I practice the 3:1 positivity ratio / acceptance practice with both my students and myself. It’s one of the surest (and quickest) ways to move from victim to victor. No matter the circumstances.

Isnt it interesting, I have been reading lately that we naturally tend to focus on the bad things that occured to us instead of the good. I do think a gratitude practice is so important to change our focus, as long as we also deal with what is negative through trying to heal as best we can. This is a lovely reminder. ❤

I love it when a fellow blogger takes my ideas to the next level.
Thanks for your feedback and insights!

I agree that we have to balance and accept both our lightness and our darkness. As it’s only when we “bare witness” to our sadness, anger, unmet needs that we are able to create enough energy and space for gratitude and acceptance to come in.

We all have to work three times as hard to counteract the negativity bias. It’s how our brain is wired. Being conscious of this universal negativity brain mechanism helps ease the blame & shame dialogue.

Excellent reminder! I’m guilty of this in a big way and find myself deleting posts because they’re so darned negative. When I look objectively, I remind myself that there is actually much good around me.

I so get it Ali! We’re all prone to negative thinking. That’s human nature. The key is (as you write above) is to remember how much good exists all around you…. Most of all the goodness in YOU Ali. The good in you. ♥️

The 3:1 practice opens our minds to the “opportunity in each challenge”. For example, most people complain about the shorter, drearier days, and long, cold nights in November. Always asking: Where did the sunshine and daylight go?

I complain too…

Until I reflect on “the 3 positive aspects for each of the 1 negative” of November nights.

November brings:
1. Fireside conversations,
2. Cozy blankets, and
3. A more relaxed social calendar.
In summary: November nights are filled with warmth, relaxation, and downtime. 🔥

Thanks for the challenge, Andrea.
For me, November brings
1. warmer days
2. spring flowers
3. bird song heralding each new day
In summary: November means renewal – refreshed and energised for the longer summer days.
The negative is the unbearable heat, which we all complain about, but which so far has been kept at bay. 🙂

Wow! I love your answers Norah. How incredible that we are experiencing the same month at opposite ends of the world / equator. Our cold (in Canada) is your hot (in Australia). One more reason to love blogging — it opens our eyes to radically different perspectives/ occurrences. Same month. Different season. 🍂 🌷

Hi Mitch! Great tie in with the Clifton test which I was fortunate to take a few years ago at work. I do a similar strengths exercise in my classroom, which makes all the difference in student (and professor) motivation. You might also be interested in the VIA character survey. Bonus = VIA survey is free. VIA character site: https://www.viacharacter.org/www/Character-Strengths

Most excellent! You will love it. To help you get started, see the following example I gave to a fellow blogger — my response copied below:

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The 3:1 practice opens our minds to the “opportunity in each challenge”. For example, most people complain about the shorter, drearier days, and longer, colder nights in November. Always asking: Where did the sunshine and daylight go?

I complain too…

Until I reflect on “the 3 positive aspects for each of the 1 negative” of November nights.

November brings:
1. Fireside conversations,
2. Cozy blankets, and
3. A more relaxed social calendar.
In summary: November nights are filled with warmth, relaxation, and downtime. 🔥

This is awesome, Andrea!!!!! Acceptance is one of the solid foundations of my forgiveness practice. I often start off just saying “I accept and love myself as I am.” This opens up space inside of me to simply be ok with what is – so freeing! (and a relief) 🙂 Thank you for an awesome post. Hope you are having a beautiful week. Debbie

Now you have me thinking! In the most wonderful of ways. Acceptance seems like such a ethereal concept, unattainable and obtuse. When in fact it can be as simple as a deep breath or white flag surrender or 3:1 positivity ratio. Ultimately “acceptance of what is” becomes our portal from anger to forgiveness to peace. 🌿🌷

Lovely. There is always something to find gratitude for. And times of despair have their own gifts to give us, though it sometimes takes a while to recognise the strength they can bring us. Nicely done. 🙂

I so get it Nicolle! No matter how positive we are in nature — life does get us down sometimes. I am grateful that you read this particular post on one of those hard on yourself days. That said, please allow me to share a 3:1 ratio with you.