Help! I can't get my husband to be romantic

Jessica Padykula is a freelance writer and editor in Toronto, Canada covering a wide range of topics for several online lifestyle publications. She is a regular contributor for SheKnows, covering travel, style, relationships, health and...

Rules for romance

If the most romantic thing your husband has done lately is manage to keep most of his dirty socks off the floor, you need a romance intervention.

While not every guy is going to start coming home with roses every week, we do have some tips for nudging him in a more romantic direction.

Define romance

The first thing we suggest doing is taking a look at what romance means to you. That way you can better communicate what you need to your husband. Is it just a matter of him being more available (e.g. present and talking to you rather than being buried in his laptop all night), or are you craving more affection? Do you want more date nights, or do you wish he was at home more than at work? Figure out what you want first, then working toward it will be easier.

Initiate

Wish you and your hubby went out more? Don’t sit around and wait for him to set a date -- do it yourself! While it would be great if your guy was the one making restaurant reservations, suggesting weekend activities or even bringing home a bottle of wine on Friday, don’t discount the power of being the initiator. Make that reservation, coax him out on a weekend trip to the farmers market, or lead him by the hand onto the porch for a post-dinner glass of wine. The more you do, ideally the more he sees the merit of a little extra romance.

Communicate your needs

If you don’t tell your partner what you want, you’re never going to get it. The key, though, is how you go about telling him what you want. Avoid accusing. Starting out with “You never take me out anymore” is just going to put him on the defensive. Whereas saying, “I would love to spend more time with you. Let’s go out for dinner more so we can catch up,” is a much better way of communicating your needs that doesn’t put your husband on the spot or place blame.

Meet him halfway

He may never turn into that guy who sends roses to your office or buys you a diamond bracelet on a whim. But that doesn’t mean he’s incapable of romance. Maybe his way of being romantic is to attempt to make dinner when he knows you’re going to be late or bring home a tub of your favorite ice cream when you've had a bad day. Remember that everyone’s idea of romance is different, so try to take note of the gestures that might seem mundane to you but romantic to him.