This warms my ice cold heart.posted by item at 9:40 PM on June 23, 2009

In Soviet Russia, albums cov.... oh.. yeah.

This is awesome. Anyone remember the band "Autograf" playing at Live Aid? I think that did wonders to counter the standard image of Russkie that had been implanted in my impressionable brain.posted by not_on_display at 9:40 PM on June 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

I've listened to at least five of those bands, and they're actually pretty good. Might be an acquired taste, though.

But there are few countries in the world where hair metal has more enduring popularity. As the Exile pointed out a few years back, Russia is the only country where Nazareth can still pack stadiums.posted by nasreddin at 9:46 PM on June 23, 2009

Oh allright, I'll do it, but only because one of the album covers does it:

So, the covers are just as lame as American pop covers from the 80s, except the Russians have uneven-eyes and mustaches. We're not so different after all!posted by wfrgms at 9:52 PM on June 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

By the way, those tantalizingly 80s looking electro albums are available here, and some of the tunes are pretty good if you like retro minimal analog beats. I love the notes on the back cover that try to rationalize the existence of this music as a people's triumph of the health of rhythmic exercise.posted by fleetmouse at 9:54 PM on June 23, 2009 [8 favorites]

Oh, and the singing-in-English thing is totally true. I have a punk album from the mid-'90s--despite knowing both languages I have NO IDEA what they're saying, but it's a recognizable attempt at English.posted by nasreddin at 9:59 PM on June 23, 2009

What do you play?
The collie.

The guy on the left's favorite Beatles song is "Dig A Pony."posted by drjimmy11 at 9:59 PM on June 23, 2009

These are great! I don't know most of them but I used to know and then forgot about Zoopark and Nautilus Pompilius. Vysotski, Kino, and Nautilius Pompilious don't seem to fit, maybe because I hear them still.

All the infamous Swedish dance band photos are still available here. I think this is where they originated, the site crapmatic linked definitely isn't, though. They've been reposted in a bunch of places. The greatness of Gert Jonnys cannot be denied or contained. Gert Jonnys is actually still around, or was as recently as a few years ago, although the titular Gert Jonny left the band and they changed their name to "Freddy's".posted by DecemberBoy at 10:49 PM on June 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Those are awesome!
Yet the combination of the "singing-in-English thing" and the Swedish Dance Band Page made me think sadly of my hometown hero - the Elvis impersonator known as Eilert Pilarm. You haven't danced for real in a Swedish folkpark (where the dance bands usually play) until you have attempted to dance to Eilert singing Jailhouse Rock...posted by gemmy at 11:34 PM on June 23, 2009

Cyrillic was totally made for heavy metal typefaces. Or vice versa.posted by rokusan at 11:38 PM on June 23, 2009

I think I read somewhere that Queen, of all bands, is generally hailed in Russia as a group of musical legends on par with the Beatles. If that's true, these albums' existence makes a lot more sense. Does anyone here know if it is?posted by decagon at 11:45 PM on June 23, 2009

I think I read somewhere that Queen, of all bands, is generally hailed in Russia as a group of musical legends on par with the Beatles. If that's true, these albums' existence makes a lot more sense. Does anyone here know if it is?

Yeah, Queen does get a lot of love, but the Beatles are like the One True Band. Russia is stuck in a weird musical time-warp, I guess.
this one is just plain fuckin' cool

The band's name is "Korroziya Metalla," i.e. "Corrosion of Metal." How much more metal can you get? (Also, the gravestone says "Hannibal," but in Russian the Carthaginian general's name is spelled Ганнибал, not Ханнибал...I have no idea why they would spell it that way. Maybe they're talking about Hannibal Lecter?)posted by nasreddin at 12:21 AM on June 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ha. This one is exactly the cover of The Game by Queen, only with Russian dudes.
Actually it reminds me more of Get the Knack.

I think I read somewhere that Queen, of all bands, is generally hailed in Russia as a group of musical legends on par with the Beatles. If that's true, these albums' existence makes a lot more sense. Does anyone here know if it is?
Queen was very popular behind the Iron Curtain; when they played the Nepstadion in Budapest in 1986 all 80,000 tickets sold out well in advance.

nasreddin: it looks like it's 'cannibal' printed there, with a K, and part of K is chipped away.

decagon: Queen was pretty big in early 90s, not sure about now. ABBA and for some reason Boney M were also really big, and Chris De Burgh. Many famous (in the West) bands were very little known (if at all), bands like the Doors, Dylan, Rolling Stones, Kinks, Kiss; but Pink Floyd was well known and loved.posted by rainy at 2:14 AM on June 24, 2009

Among all the terrible-looking bands and poorly designed covers lies one that I think both looks good and has great music - Kino's Gruppa Krovi.

A post reading "The album covers and music are more authentic, genuine, and real than sanitized, corporate American rock albums" in three ... two ... one ...

Anyhow, it's neat seeing funky 1970s and 1980s Cyrillic typefaces. Russian is a language you never expect to see written in a pink bubbly font.posted by elmwood at 4:37 AM on June 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Does this explain why mullets are still so wildly popular in Russia and eastern Europe?posted by dunkadunc at 4:42 AM on June 24, 2009

I dunno. If you're going by the name "Prince of Silence, wouldn't that make you the least successful hair metal band ever?

Overall awesome! This is why you collect vinyl.posted by Go Banana at 4:53 AM on June 24, 2009

So maybe can answer this one for me. I've never been able to figure out how day-to-day communism in the Soviet Union worked.

After a long day of stamping out borscht pots at the local tin works for the glory of the proletariat, wouldn't you be a little ticked off to see that somehow the state has seen fit to give this douchebag a motorcycle and a record deal? Wouldn't everyone who could carry a tune be demanding the same? Or at least be demanding motorcycles, since pot-stampers are as valuable to the motherland as pop singers?

I mean, yeah, we capitalists have our "Money for Nothing" moments, but I'd imagine it would be worse if you could point a finger at the single entity you knew was responsible, especially since that entity was supposed to be working on your behalf.

I guess the state could just enforce its will with a simple, "Make your pot or we'll arrest you," but I'm really hoping they had a more clever solution.posted by Garak at 5:17 AM on June 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

So maybe can answer this one for me. I've never been able to figure out how day-to-day communism in the Soviet Union worked.

After a long day of stamping out borscht pots at the local tin works for the glory of the proletariat, wouldn't you be a little ticked off to see that somehow the state has seen fit to give this douchebag a motorcycle and a record deal? Wouldn't everyone who could carry a tune be demanding the same? Or at least be demanding motorcycles, since pot-stampers are as valuable to the motherland as pop singers?

I mean, yeah, we capitalists have our "Money for Nothing " moments, but I'd imagine it would be worse if you could point a finger at the single entity you knew was responsible, especially since that entity was supposed to be working on your behalf.

I guess the state could just enforce its will with a simple, "Make your pot or we'll arrest you," but I'm really hoping they had a more clever solution.

No one in the USSR thought of "The State" as a unitary, single entity. The political and economic system was such a hodgepodge of conflicting interests, corruption, parallel institutions, and so on, that any given thing that took place was the responsibility of an individual and not of the whole apparatus. The system was also so inegalitarian that random douchebags getting record deals was par for the course. (The assumption would typically be that it was the son of some Party official somewhere or something.) Also, pretty much nobody believed in Soviet communism after 1970 or so.

(Musicians, unless they were incredibly popular, did not have the decadent kepitalist doing-coke-and-throwing-televisions kind of lifestyle, either.)posted by nasreddin at 9:17 AM on June 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

Holy cow...I've actually got this aerobics record! I've never been able to track down any information about it, but believe it or not, it's great '80s funk and disco, with some ambient parts as well. Quite a bit of it sounds like Daft Punk, well ahead of its time.

maxwelton: If you meant this one, then that's Kino, probably the biggest Russian rock group of the 1980's. As to the constructivist cover, then it could have been either homage, irony, or both. It was probably also quite fresh, for constructivism had only recently been un-stigmatized.posted by daniel_charms at 10:55 AM on June 24, 2009

My sister studied in Russia a couple of times in the 1980s (and has two of these albums, though she says most are absolutely horrid music.) She recommends these two clips from an 80s punk band called Grazhdanskaya Oborona ("civil defense").posted by msalt at 3:26 PM on June 24, 2009

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