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A virgin is a person who has never had any form of sexual intercourse before being it penovaginal, anal or oral SEX ....period!

Couple of years back, in order to encourage people who have had sex before to abstain, the term secondary virginity was introduced.

Hymen: is a thin membrane that partly covers the vagina. There are different types of hymen and some can even cover the vagina entirely (imperforated).

Unfortunately, a lot of people use the presence or absence of the hymen to determine a female's virginity. That can be very deceptive because there are so many ladies out there without their hymen but have never had sex before. Sadly, they are expected to bleed on their first sexual intercourse and if it doesn't happen, then it means they told a lie. This controversy has gone on for decades and still going on. A lot of boyfriends and husbands have all lost trust for their partners due to this issue of virginity.

Is there anything which determines that a man has never had sex before?

There is nothing except what the man says...his word! Isn't the word of a female also enough if she says she is a virgin?

There are certain activities that can cause a person to break the hymen. Some of the activities include:

1. Dripping hot or warm water into the vagina of a baby when bathing for the baby. Some mothers or caretakers do this in the name of dressing sores inside the vagina or cleaning the vagina... what a shock!

2. Some parents or caretakers also punish children by grinding ginger with pepper and inserting it into the vagina as a form of punishment.

3. Riding bicycle, motorcycle, horse riding etc are some of the activities that can cause the hymen to break.

4. Some people also got their hymen broken due to medication. Some medicines are inserted into the vagina which can also cause the hymen to break or wear off.

In other cases, some also gets their hymen broken because a paedophile inserted his penis or finger into the child's vagina (defilement). Innocent and naive, she may not know or understand what happened. She may not tell or could not even talk well or at all, depending on the age or maturity of the baby or child. She grows up and can't recall herself having sex with anybody. She thinks herself as a virgin. Is she wrong to say she is? Do you blame her for saying so?

Some people also break their hymen in the game, '' maame ne paapa'' (a game by children role playing parents) by using the penis or the finger.

Is it still worth using the presence or absence of a females hymen to judge her?

In any case, what really matters in a relationship? Is it the hymen of a person or her attitude and behaviour that matter?

Its possible to find somebody whose hymen is broken or have had sex before but his or her heart is pure and with good character. It is also possible to find somebody whose hymen is intact or have not had penovaginal sex before but the character of that person is terrible.

There are some people with their hymen intact but have had sex before.

1. Some people have thick hymen such that they can have sex several times but the hymen will still be there. In some situations, such hymen is surgically removed.

2. Some people intentionally have anal sex in order to preserve their hymen for men who place high value on the presence of hymen.

3. Others also engage in oral sex all in the name of keeping their hymen intact.

Unfortunately for them and their knowledge, these are all forms of sexual intercourse. All of them can also lead to Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)

It's about time we take a second look at the issue of virginity otherwise we will continue to treat people unfairly, push people into doing certain things to preserve they hymen, make people feel bad for something which happened to them through no fault of theirs.

Even if people have had sex before, don't they deserve a better relationship or marriage? Most of the great women and celebrated women and men in the world including great men and women of God, did not marry as a virgin.

The present character or behaviour of the person is what counts and not presence or the absence of hymen.

FOR PURPOSE OF CLARITY AND FEAR OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD...

Virginity is a standard for everyone ( both male and female) but for the purpose of this writeup, without any form of bias, no woman should be judged by the presence or absence of the hymen. The character remains supreme.