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As you’ve heard, it was revealed yesterday that Pirates President Frank Coonelly was arrested in December near Christmas time for drunk driving, driving with a suspended license, careless driving, and driving the wrong way, which is how you drive when your blood alcohol content is .16.

TWICE the legal limit. You’d have to drink about FOUR double on the rocks in an HOUR to get that kind of BAC.

The driving with a suspended license charge was dropped, but he’s still on the hook for all the other stuff and has issued a lengthy apology for his actions.

“My actions that evening were irresponsible and wrong,” Coonelly said in a statement. “I take full and sole responsibility for them. There is no excuse for ever driving under the influence of alcohol. My wife and I have preached to our children about the dangers of driving while under the influence of alcohol, not only for themselves but for the innocent drivers, passengers and pedestrians on the road.”

Now, drunk driving is no joke, but the Pirates are a 20-year joke and therefore THERE ARE JOKES.

Also, Pirate’s Flagship radio The Fan 93.7 was at first prohibited from speaking of the arrest, but that changed and Mark Madden will have you know that it was all because of him, but Deadspin is also taking a bit of credit.

Does anyone know the zip code to Mark Madden’s ego, because I have a flaming bag of poo I need to mail.

Nothing rude about it. Just wondering why people listen to assholes they know are assholes and then complain that they’re assholes. (I said the same thing earlier this week to a friend of mine who made the identical complaint about the same “personality,” so don’t flatter yourself that I’m just picking on you.) I’d ask the same thing if you said you keep eating tamales but the damn things give you heartburn. Actually, I guess there’s something you can take for that. There’s a cure for Maddenburn too: Change the station or turn off the radio.

I’d have had a little more respect for Frank if he’d owned up to this two months ago. But then, much of what happens with the Pirates, it seems somebody has to drag it out of them months after the fact. On a side note: Good job by the newspapers and other alleged reporters (I’m looking at you, Action Faction News). I mean, doesn’t anybody routinely check police reports for notable names? It’s not like the guy’s name is Frank Smith.

I’d also have had more respect for him if he’d said, “In addition, I have written a check for $10,000 out of my personal account which I am giving to the family of St. Michael Todd May, the Monongalia County sheriff’s deputy killed in the line of duty while trying to stop a drunken driver on I-79 last weekend, and I will take Friday away from the team to attend his funeral in Morgantown and his burial in Waynesburg. And I will write a $10,000 check to the family each of the next 10 years as well. It could easily have been me who plowed into a patrol car and murdered a police officer. I can only hope this just begins to make amends for my behavior.”