Speaking of death, although we weren’t, is it maybe time to replace the old “On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia” tombstone gag with “On the whole, I’d rather be participating in a survey”?

In any event, our current poll shows that it’s Canada we’d rather be in—if we were in ash form—or at least we’d prefer to be spread around there than, say, in a bar or a shopping mall. If we chose burial over cremation, then we’d probably want an epitaph, and a solid 40 percent of us, optimists all, would go with Frank Sinatra’s choice, “The best is yet to come.” (Rodney Dangerfield, even in death, gets no respect: his epitaph, “There goes the neighborhood,” finished, um, dead last in our polling.)

Fictional characters we wished hadn’t died? Titanic’s Jack Dawson topped the list, mainly on the strength of female pollees. Among men it was closer, with Dawson in nearly a dead heat with Fredo Corleone. Finally, to die for: a majority of Americans would die for their children, but few for their religion or their country. As for sequence, married couples were asked their preferences regarding who should go first. Men said, “Me first.” Not quite as many women felt the same, although many said, “Fine, buddy—after you.”