Last week, I walked into one of my labs, and I had a really upset tummy that day. So everything was quiet, and we were having our pre-lab conference, and I farted. It was totally silent, but it stunk SO BAD. You could see people growing more and more concerned as it spread, but no one could figure out who it was.

_________________"I will rip out your IV and other roman numerals." - pandacookie"The one thing I would not do for Aubrey Plaza is harm a baby, by the way." - strawberryrock

Started brewing a batch of black porter with my friends over the weekend. When we were done with the primary fermentation we decided to, well, drink some beer. I had a couple blonde ales, imperial IPAs, and a black IPA. Oh, and a burrito. The following morning, according to my girlfriend, was quite offensive. Good times.

_________________But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want.

I think my best one was when the ex-husband and I were fairly newly married. We were in Safeway fairly late at night picking up some groceries. He decided to smack my asparagus as we were alone in the aisle. At the same time as his hand made contact I had a screechingly loud fart. It couldn't have been timed better! (No, I actually didn't do it on purpose, but the look on his face was priceless!)

_________________...the momentum of the present hurtling into the future..."Are we just talking about babies generally, or eating babies in tires with guac and salsa?" ~Fizzgig

the other night in yoga class (it's a course to learn yoga, not open yoga sessions), one of the other students farted during pre-mediation relaxation, and i nearly lost it. there are only 3 of us in the class, so i'm 100% sure the swami saw me silently cracking up*. i felt so bad for her, but i kept thinking how glad i was that it wasn't me.

*also pretty sure he's seen me suppressing laughter every time he says the word "buttocks."

I was driving my boyfriend and I friend home from a comedy night and I accidentally let out a silent one as I was getting into the car. I prayed it would be scentless... not so. I spent the rest of the car ride talking incessantly because I was so embarrassed and didn't want anyone to get a word in so they could mention the fart that I obviously made.

I went in this morning to kiss my husband and tell him to goodbye/have a nice day (he gets to sleep later than me). He responded with a loud honker of a fart, and when I replied back, thanks, kisses to you to, he had another short honk! It was hilarious, but I still acted mad/grossed out. Honestly I just don't understand how he hasn't pooped his pants yet.

Also, I'm still keeping my farting to primarily in my sleep. ;-)

_________________I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk

I'm reviving this thread, because earlier I was changing poopiebaby's nappy and suddenly I hear my husband rush out of his office (next door to the nursery) and quickly slam the door behind him. I asked it there was something wrong, and it turns out he did a fart that smelled so bad he chased himself out of his own office.

The other day I was under the covers in my boyfriend's bed and he had gone out of the room for something or other so I took that as an opportunity to let a few rip. He hadn't even been in the bed before he left, but he immediately ran in and ripped the covers off of me. I was so horrified that the stench would be let free, but somehow it didn't smell at all.

_________________[...]then i pooped pink sparkles out of sheer hatred. -allularpunk

The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear

The other day I went out for drinks with my co-workers, and I asked if anyone had heard it when I farted in my cube when it was silent, and no one had, but now they all know that I did it anyway because I asked. Today my shoes keep squeaking, and I think they think that I'm over here farting away because I already brought up the fact that I farted in my cubical.

_________________I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk

The bloke and I were in the airport, waiting for our flight to be called at some ridiculous time in the morning. Getting up in the middle of the night always plays havoc with my digestion. We found a table and a hard, wooden bench to sit on. I was reading the paper and completely forgot where I was. I rasped out the loudest fart that seemed to revel in the acoustics of the wooden bench. Whole families left the accompanying tables. It took me a few minutes to stop laughing so hard my breath couldn't get out.

The bloke and I were in the airport, waiting for our flight to be called at some ridiculous time in the morning. Getting up in the middle of the night always plays havoc with my digestion. We found a table and a hard, wooden bench to sit on. I was reading the paper and completely forgot where I was. I rasped out the loudest fart that seemed to revel in the acoustics of the wooden bench. Whole families left the accompanying tables. It took me a few minutes to stop laughing so hard my breath couldn't get out.

I just had a good laugh out loud at your expense! Did anyone else laugh? I think that'd make it so much less embarrassing. Not that you were or should have been embarrassed.

_________________I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk

I farted really loudly in the lobby of my apartment building today while I was checking the mail and it shocked me because I had NO IDEA it was coming or anything. I couldn't have stopped it if I had tried. Are uncontrollable farts a consequence of pregnancy? Usually I can hold it in until a more private space, but maybe not when I'm super pregnant! Then it happened again in the (very public) hallway. Now I'm nervous that it will happen tomorrow on the first day of school. Welcome students! I'm your new (insert loud fart here) teacher!

Dani-Grrl wrote:The bloke and I were in the airport, waiting for our flight to be called at some ridiculous time in the morning. Getting up in the middle of the night always plays havoc with my digestion. We found a table and a hard, wooden bench to sit on. I was reading the paper and completely forgot where I was. I rasped out the loudest fart that seemed to revel in the acoustics of the wooden bench. Whole families left the accompanying tables. It took me a few minutes to stop laughing so hard my breath couldn't get out.

Quote:

ndpittman wrote:I just had a good laugh out loud at your expense! Did anyone else laugh? I think that'd make it so much less embarrassing. Not that you were or should have been embarrassed.

No-one laughed. Not one person. My husband was mortified. I didn't have any room for embarrassment in amongst the laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. What can you do, eh? Better in the airport than on the plane, I guess!

The bloke and I were in the airport, waiting for our flight to be called at some ridiculous time in the morning. Getting up in the middle of the night always plays havoc with my digestion. We found a table and a hard, wooden bench to sit on. I was reading the paper and completely forgot where I was. I rasped out the loudest fart that seemed to revel in the acoustics of the wooden bench. Whole families left the accompanying tables. It took me a few minutes to stop laughing so hard my breath couldn't get out.