British Humor

During his wickedly funny stand-up routine on Comedy Central this week, British comedian John Oliver ("The Daily Show") had this to offer:

(Don't forget to read it with an English accent.)

"You only have a two-pronged career strategy as a child. One is to become an ice cream tycoon and the other is to become a giraffe. If you get close to either of those, you are probably going to be happy. I didn't want to be those. What I wanted to be when I was growing up was an athlete. An athlete, John? Hmmm, interesting. The word 'athlete' means the same in Britain as it does here. What sport was it that rewards a concave chest? Did you perhaps thought of becoming a sail? No, no I didn't. I wanted to be a football player. That's football in a sense that we understand it in Britain -- not the word that you use for our national sport, a word I can never utter myself, the reason being, if I ever do say that word, somewhere in the world, a British person dies."