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The Crafty Um

UM is a handy, pause-filling noise. Actually, um, let me start over. Um is verbal diarrhea that dilutes communication and when used excessively, makes us all sound like a bunch of dimwits (the average person says um more than 240 times per day).

This is how I see this annoying little sentence trasher:

An intensely demanding creature, Um will squeeze its way into any situation...

and gladly offer support and advice.

His mischievous nature draws him towards um-less children:

Um thoroughly enjoys working with speech writers.

Along with um, we dump so much verbal garbage into our sentences that I imagine something like this happening: On a lunch break, Um wanders into a bookshop and stumbles upon a little pink number named, Uh.

They join forces, produce twins—name them Like and You Know—and merrily trash communication across the globe happily ever after!