I am pleased to congratulate Mr. Trump

I Am Pleased To Congratulate On Behalf Of The People Of Irelandafter Enda Kenny

by Kevin Higgins

Donald J. Duck on his election as forty fifth, and possibly final,President of that great entity traditionally known as the UnitedStates which, admittedly,by the time he’s finished with it,will likely be called something else.

In the heat of battle President-electDuck has said things which have left him with bridges to build with certain people, such as Mexicantranssexuals, and women who don’t want him,or anyone politically associated with him even thinkingabout grabbing theirvaginas, or the vaginas of their friends, mothers-in-law, or as yet unborn children.

We think today in particular of Secretary of State Clinton,though only very briefly,for eaten parsnips are quickly digested, and we must move on. Democracy (and, for that matter,dictatorship) have their own outcomes.This being the case, if President-electDuck wants to build a crazy golf coursein every front garden on this island,I will work closely with complianturban district councils, sympatheticjournalists, and members of the judiciaryto have the necessary planningfast-tracked.

And rest assured, every opportunity that presents itself, either I or one of my Ministers will be thereto shake his hand,or any other part of his anatomyPresident-elect, Donald J.Duck, wants shaken.