10 THINGS ONLY A STUDENT AT JOOUST CAN RELATE TO

Kenyan Universities come in different shapes and sizes each carrying unique sets of individuals going through similar experiences and JOOUST is not left in this melee of partial madness and partial serenity. Here are the top 10 things that only a JOOUST student truly understands.

1. SLEEPING AT FIVE BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE UNIVERSITY HAS WEAK WI-FI
When it comes to WiFi there’s no University more disadvantaged than JOOUST. There’s even an entire noun phrase for people who access the internet through the school’s WiFi: “Wale wa WiFi”. The name in Swahili sounds so simple yet is so intimidating. Many students around JOOUST will tell you that they’ve never used the school’s WiFi because it’s rarely there during the day and when it shows up, it’s speed is so low, you’d rather crush your phone and live without the internet. There are times however when it’s around and has a relatively fast speed mostly after 10 at night. By the time you’re done with using it for what you wanted to accomplish during the day, the cocks already crowed and it’s 5 A.M in the morning.

2. THE JOY THAT COMES WITH SCREAMING THE JANITOR’S NAME WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT
While this is mainly confined to the Male hostel, only a true JOOUSTIAN knows the joy that comes with calling the janitor’s name when the lights go out and the conversation that ensues between fellow comrades in different hostels is enough to bring you to your knees especially if you’re not an Arsenal fan and it lost a match that day.

3. THE HEAT THAT COMES FROM THE ASSEMBLY HALL WHEN WATCHING FOOTBALL
JOOUST’S football fans are loyal and passionate when it comes to the game of football thus it’s no surprise when thirty minutes before a hotly contested game, the assembly hall where most games are watched becomes too crowded and too hot. By the time the game starts, you’ve already lost 6 litres of sweat whether you’re a boy or a girl. You’ll never miss hearing people outside complaining about how they lost their bets and when a goal is scored, the temperature spikes.

4. THE JOY OF MISSING A LECTURE DURING CAT WEEK
Missing lectures at JOOUST is a sacred event especially when you’re bombarded by CATs and you’re close to that main exam. The joy of not seeing a lecturer is almost therapeutic when every one of them seems to be scrambling for your time

5. WONDERING WHY IT NEVER RAINS IN BONDO AND CURSING WHEN IT DOES

You know those moments when you’re in the hostel and you’re dressed down to your underwear and you lock yourself in the room wishing that your roomy won’t pop in with his girlfriend? That’s how hot Bondo is. In Bondo, Eating that ice-cream after class is not an option; it’s a survival mechanism. It rarely rains and if your caught outside anywhere between two to four your head literally starts smoking. If you’re a lady and you’re broke and you try to hide your hair’s real state with oils and chemicals, that’s when you know that life can be a savage especially when you smell a ordous stench and you think it’s your roomy only to head to the toilet and realize that it’s your hair.

6. THREATS AND THIEVES
Among the things that make JOOUST unique are it’s thieves and how the victims usually plead or threaten the predators. Mostly you’ll find a note where a victim threatens the thief to return his 3 trousers or else he’ll be meeting Lucifer because he’s mother’s a great sorcerer in the Hostel’s Notice Boards. Quite sadly though, it rarely happens. In fact the first time that happens I’ll be the first to write an article.

7. WRITING FUNNY NAMES IN THE GIRL’S HOSTELS RECEPTION BOOK
Before you enter into either Victoria or Ramogi Hostels (That’s where the ladies are), there’s a requirement where you write your personal details on this book handled by a ‘Soldier’. You just have to look at the names in the books to crack into laughter. The results range from SpongeBob SquarePants to Insults which if I wrote down I’d not kiss my mother with my mouth.

8. THAT MOMENT YOU REALIZE YOU’RE SCREWED BECAUSE THE LIBRARY DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH BOOKS AND THE COMPUTERS HANG LIKE…

Finding research material is tricky at JOOUST. Sometimes you’ll get more books on the course you’re doing at other times getting a book on the unit you’re doing is not only a hustle but close to impossible. Luckily there’s the internet but you’ll regret if you’re only choice is to use a computer at the library. Most of the computers hang for 20 minutes before the browser’s open. By the time they open you’ve doubted everything from what you know about computers to the state of the computer’s processors. If that’s not enough, the thought of hooking up your USB and transferring files to your phone is enough to give you a panic attack.

9. ARGUING WITH YOUR ROOMIE OVER THE PURPOSE OF THE STRUCTURE INFRONT OF THE MAIN GATE
If you’ve never had a heated debate with your roomie over the purpose of JOOUST’s landmark sign, the tall tower in front of the gate then you’ve not yet lived at JOOUST There are many theories revolving around the structure and it’s purpose. One suggests that it’s a water tank while others border the limits of conspiracy theories like: it’s a place where the VC and the Senate can hide ‘kukiwa kubaya’.

10. THE JOY OF SWIMMING AT USENGE DURING THE WEEKEND
Though not at JOOUST, Usenge’s waters are more than a joyous retreat for any student Incase a leech doesn’t stick on your back. The river offers a catharismic effect on the user after weeks of grinding your way through lectures and the joy that offers is enough to make you a happy bachelor/ spinster till the moment you graduate.

What are some of your Greatest Moments at JOOUST? Share with us in the Comment thread below.