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Friday, November 23, 2012

Like fo shizzle. LOL JK I'm half white.Oh man, I recall when that was average language around my neck of the woods. Hell in some places it still is.So it's Black Friday everyone! I hope none of you got trampled...or you know, lose a wig.This time of year is really exciting for me. The impending surge of something magical is just around the corner.The holidays will forever be my favorite time of the year. Everyone says it's just because my birthday is in the beginning of December or that it's me still living in some fantasy childhood world. Whatever that means.Yet, it's none of those things. My birthday? It's alright. If there needs to be a special day to spend extra time with the ones I love, then I'll gladly take it.It's the feeling though. I don't know how everyone doesn't feel it. Right after November ends, the air just changes. Sure, you could chalk it up to some pollution or conspiracy theory, but it's all but.That sensation when you walk outside and the first thing you smell is crisp, fresh air or the sweet, calming scent of distant burning wood, it just takes me to a place I get to go for one whole month every single year. A quintessential, homely little world where the joy of the seasons can be touched by any outreached hand. When you can walk into someone's home to be greeted by lively decorations or the smell of baking cookies or a fresh tree.Even for those who don't celebrate. I don't think even they can ignore it. It's palpable. Living and breathing. Extending its warmth to all.The holidays celebrate a time of getting together. Of forgetting the troubles of yesterday or the future and focusing on the importance of the present time. Of being grateful for a warm home and loving family and friends. Because nowadays that's a scarcity that's soon to become extinct if not cherished.I know it's easy to get caught up in worries, troubles, heartaches. Trust me, I feel the pain every single minute. But where I am right now is a place I could never have dreamed of two years ago, when I thought I couldn't make it through the week. And looking back, I discovered strength that I never knew I was capable of. Whether it was pulling through because I had to for someone or proving to myself that I could, I've developed a lot of things. Hope is the biggest thing that has gotten me through. Support is something I wouldn't be here without. Love, something that I never thought I was worthy of in my present state has been one of the greatest things of all. Perseverance, I don't know if I hadn't had it if I would have make it through. Sometimes when all you do is raise instead of fold, you get lucky with the cards you already possessed.I know that I'm lucky. And I am more than aware of others that are not. And I want to do everything I can to appreciate what I've got and give what I can to those who don't.Everyone deserves to be happy. This year I'll do my best to ensure that I pay it forward like never before. I'm not waiting until next year to resolve. It starts now. Join me. I dare you.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Some people just change your life. Best friends, family, pets, co-workers, significant others, etc. Don't let them slip away. Let them know every single day how much they mean to you. It can be easy to lose sight of the amazingness that once drew you to a person for whatever reason. Don't appreciate it less because it's always around.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Where can I begin? Well reader, all is well...good. Still. Which in my life is absolutely amazing. Nothing ever lasts this long without crashing and burning in the process. But something seems to be working. And I'm not sure what it is exactly, but there's something. And I don't really care what it is.I've waited too long for this to care for details.So I'm not asking anymore. I'm just living, each day one day at a time. And I may have to do that forever. But right now forever doesn't seem so bad anymore, not with what I've got. Stay strong, you WILL make it through these storms.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Let's talk about moms, shall we?I would be nowhere without this woman. Literally.I know for a fact that I hate children. With a legitimate passion. They're impatient, I'm impatient and neither of us are mature enough to adapt to the other. It's great.But in my extreme hate of children, I've gotten such an amazing sense of respect and gratitude toward my parents, particularly my mother. Not to say that I don't love both of my parents dearly, because God knows I do. But there's a certain bond between a mother and her daughter. Girls, you know what I mean. Guys, you probably kinda do, too.This woman is the strongest, most determined, most intelligent, loving, supportive, and when it comes down to it, goddamn miraculous person I know. And I hate to admit that these past few years have probably been the worst for her to deal with. From my brother's depression, to breaking her leg on vacation, to my migraines and my brother's dropping out of college, things have taken the phrase "a downward spiral" to a new level.But she's handled it like a champion. And I will never ever be able to thank her enough for the lifetime of opportunity and love she's given me.She is my real life hero. There is no one else that I'd rather aspire to be.I love you Mom, thank you for everything.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

There's just a moment where you realize how powerful something can be. The crash of thunder followed by a slither of lightning. Shattering a tree much taller than the length of the bolt. Setting the girth of something so grounded into flames, destroying, engulfing. Hearing someone I love dearly talk about the way another person could change his life, it sounded nonsensical. But then, as he continued, it sounded...absolutely raw. Real. Even possible. Attainable. With patience. And an open heart.Words can be just words.Words can be a realm of possibility.A chance to explain what actions cannot.To prove to another that it is real. It is possible. It's not a fairy tale.Love is out there.With a big smile and open arms.Waiting for you.Make sure you grab it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

NOT to be confused, dearest reader, with the things. Completely different.

So there are some exciting and not so exciting things coming up for me.

Exciting thing number one: I'm going back down the shore for a dayish maybe two. Which means there are only two significant words in my vocabulary now: BEACH NAPS. I partake in the casual everyday nap, but there's just some magical beauty of a beach nap that no other nap can touch. Whether it's the warm press of sun against exposed skin, the calming crash of waves that surrounds you, the gentle cry of seagulls to add subtle change, or the soft sand beneath you, they just are so much better. This is especially true if you have spent the entire day at the beach actually doing things, like going in the water or walking along the shore or tackling people into the sand that you don't really know all too well, but they were asking for it.

No matter what the reason, by the end of a few hours in the sun, I am inexplicably tired as hell. And I've realized that the above reasons somehow turn my at least twenty minute nap into the REM excursion of a life time. You wake up more refreshed, more calm, more amiable. Prior to beach naps, I'm not gonna lie, on some days, I'm just bitchy. The sun's too oppressive, the water's too cold to adjust to, let alone filled with seaweed and sharp shells, the wind is blowing too hard, leading to sand storms and I likely got mild to moderate sun burn on my nose or lips.

It's rough. And that's being nice. Now by this time my brain has already weighed the pros and cons of staying at the beach. Recently, however, instead of just signaling to my vocal chords to express the need to go home, my brain has reconsidered. Now, all I hear is "nap time" and I'm quite positive nothing could ruin it. I realize that reason in itself means someone/something is bound to ruin it, but I'm gonna risk it until that happens.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Hey guys. So. Have you ever had one of those days? You know, the good kind? Because, on a side serious note, there are the bad kinds of "those days", particularly referenced to by "one of those days".

ANYWAYS, but I'm like having one of those good days. And I mean GOOD. And it's totally only like 1 am. But I'm quite confident today is going to be phenomenal.

But then again, that just may be the promise of seeing Adam Rodriguez shirtless. HE'S SO HOT.

I don't know. I think I've just been thinking too much about Octodad and how well things are going.

I'm going to fill you guys in on a secret that I probably shouldn't put on the interwebz for all to see. Especially Octodad. Because I haven't told him yet.

I'm pregnant.

JUST KIDDING that'd be awful. Unless I'm pregnant with a migrainous pain baby. In which case, I'm approximately 14 months overdue. Sweet.

Anyways. No. Seriously this time.

My feelings this time around are a hell of a lot different than they were last year. I just...I don't know. Last time I still really liked him, and I never stopped liking him.

But I guess that was the thing. I only liked him. I guess that's why I was confused when the break up went so poorly.

Which given the definition of a break up, was supremely ignorant of me.

But I digress.

So, yeah. I just. Last year, as you all know, was probably the worst year of my life. Everything was just everywhere and I was caught in this maelstrom of awfulness. And then I met Octodad.

And I didn't care how many times I had told myself that there was no room at all for anyone in my life. Hell, there was barely room for me. And it's not like I forgot that there was this tidal wave of pain and hell going on in my life, because let's be honest, you can't just drop that on a dime. I knew all too well of my situation.

But then there was this absolute revelation. And it was him.

And I honest to God, really really hate myself for saying it. But it's true.

Let me tell you something guys. And you damn well better listen up.

You will meet somebody, somewhere, someday. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. It doesn't matter. You will meet them. And something will happen. You will hear the click. The physical sound as the cogs mesh together in unity. Your conversation will flow easily. You laughter will be genuine. You will leave your interaction wondering what exactly just happened, with a smile. You will think about this person. You will be elated when you begin to see this person on a daily basis.

And maybe you guys start to talk. And then you call each other. And then you start going out. And everything is amazing. But your stupid freaking condition interferes. No, not the medical one.

Your stupid psychological issue with human emotion and physical proximity/action with other living beings. And you freak out. And you let your brain think too much. And you kind of shove your heart to the side. And you ruin everything. And then you break up with the most amazing boy in the entire world on Valentine's Day over text message. Because you're an absolute monster. And you think it's cool if you guys just still be friends.

NO NO NO NO NO ladies, stop it. STOP asking guys to be friends with you when you break up with them. Because guess what? They may have been in love with you. And to go from their ideal infatuation to their friend is like being engaged to someone and having them say the day of the wedding, "yeah, um this isn't working out. but we can still be friends, right?" But you'd be okay with that, right? Yeah, that's what I thought.

With careful revision, I immediately realized that I'd made the biggest mistake in the world. But I thought I was smart in realizing that I couldn't just take it all back. In looking back, I really should have gone back to him and talked it all out.

But guess what? That wasn't my state of mind. Because it was stressful. I was barely keeping up with friendships. How was I ever going to keep up a relationship? I wasn't. I would never have been able to. Not then. Just...no.

But guess what else? Decisions have consequences. And I missed the hell out of him and everything we were when I was at the lowest point in my current life. When I was homebound schooled and utterly alone and distant, just an arms length away from the real world, stuck on the outside looking in. And I cried. A lot.

And I was depressed. Legitimately diagnosed and on an antidepressant which made my weight fluctuate which was the last thing I needed at the moment. In too much pain to do much of anything, I was lost. And there was no light at the end to look forward to. No one that was going to hold me up and help me through.

I had literally fucked myself over. And I did nothing to fix it.

Now you must be thinking, "wow, this is quite the post for someone in a supposed good mood"

DON'T QUESTION ME.

I'm getting there,

You'd be right any other time. But this actually is exactly the post to make in a good mood. When this can't bring me down from my happiness. Because guess what? That stupid phrase you alway hear "Distance makes the heart grow fonder", it's true.

No matter where I went, I was constantly reminded of Octodad somehow. Even in Canada. CANADA.

That's how I knew. I really screwed up. And I needed to fix it. There would be a text every now and then. But then it all started happening again. The cogs meshed like a well oiled machine. Like it hadn't missed a step. Like we hadn't missed a step.

And here we are. This amazing place that I hadn't even known existed, let alone that I'd ever be there. And it was worth every misstep, every problem.

That's right!!!! Now as many of you know, I've been battling constant daily migraines, nonstop 24/7, for the past 22 months. And exactly two days ago I took a chance on Osteopathic Manipulation. There's a world of information on the interwebz out there on this stuff. Now, if you know anyone in this situation or hell, if YOU'RE in this situation, listen up! Even people who go for physical therapy or chiropractor, I'd keep an ear open for this.

I'm not saying it works miracles, because this was my first time going for this, ever. But this is the absolute best I've felt in FOREVER. Well I mean, not forever , but almost two years in pain is just too much.

Now some of you know, some of you don't. I made some choices during these past months. Some that I really regretted, but admittedly, they were choices that had to ultimately be made. But recently it's all been changing. I'm receiving Dysport injections instead of Botox, I'm still on Nortriptaline (Pamelor), I'm on Losartan, Mag-Ox, B2 and Xyzal. And Migralex.

Migralex, OH MY GOD. This is like, something amazing. It's a combination of 1000 mg of Asprin and 500 mg of Magnesium and it works wonders. If typical migraine medicines, prescription or over the counter, do not work for you, I highly recommend your trying this. It's just, a lifesaver.

But back to everything, so something in that mix is working. And now throwing OM into it all, I'm really confident that my cycle is going to be broken and this headache will finally be gone.

Things are just amazing. I'm out of school and finally a Senior! I'm able to spend sooooo much more time with my friends and just catching up and being crazy and whatnot. Octodad and I are still hitting it off pretty fantastically, although I miss him terribly (He's at tennis camp in Ohio). But overall, my life is finally looking up. And 22 months ago, I never EVER thought I'd be able to say that. It's definitely been a journey. But in the end I'm stronger from it. And hell, I mean, if I survive this, nothing's ever gonna get me down again.

I've been doing sooooooooo much yoga and my annual week down the shore with the family is finally approaching. I got some new clothes, I've been getting sooo much exercise and sunlight. The bunnies are amazing and adorable as ever. I couldn't ask for anything else. I'm finally better than good.

Sooooo let's talk about the title of this blog post. So. That exercise thing. It's been kicking my butt. I'm a big fan of yoga and pilates, as you all know, and I have been following Blogilates on Youtube. Now I know my limits and I cannot do all of these workouts fully or at all. So I watch and modify. BUT, I decided to do a workout for my calves.

Now I walk up the stairs on the balls of my feet as opposed to the whole bottom of my foot. I don't know why, I always have. It's weird. It likely also contributes to my uncoordination. I also do like calf raises, or so they're apparently called, when I'm just standing around. Not to be healthy and active. Just because I'm weird. I do lots of weird things like that Spongebob's excited face and dance. I do that too. I'm strange.

Anyways. That's what the video was about! Weighted calf raises for the length of some pop song with three variations. Easy enough right? So halfway through the video I was like "MY CALVES AHHH THEY BURN LIKE HADES FURY" but I'm the type of person who thinks that and then pushes myself through it because I'm dumb. And dedicated. But mostly dumb. Anyways I pushed through it and made it to the end of the video feeling pretty good about myself. Then I did another video (smart, I know) for arms. That also involved weights and about a gazillion more reps. To say the least, I don't know how I survived, but I'm never doing it again.

My calves don't really need definition. They're pretty defined on their own somehow. Anyways. I didn't know how to stretch out my arms, so I just let them be. I only know one way to stretch out my calves, and that's by the runner's stretch. SO I did that.

THE NEXT DAY I could not walk. I was hobbling like no one's business. It was quite the scenario. I was not a fan. I was on the verge of crying everytime I tried to stretch my arms out or my calves. And the little baby massage to my calves made my cry. Like legit tears and sadness because IT HURT SO BAD. I didn't even use the weights!!!!

Lesson learned kids, if your muscles don't need definin' don't define them. Because you end up looking like a hobbit without working arms. And no one wants that.

PS. Do many of you ever make the mistake and accidentally write "noone" instead of "no one". I don't. Because I'm a grammar nazi. But I know people who do. And I can say without a doubt that it is the funniest thing I've ever seen and I've never laughed so hard. I'm such a nerd that I have dreams with grammar puns in them. And I actually think they're funny. Nice.

P.P.S. I had a badass dream about laser tag. AND HALO. HALO LASER TAG. And I was such a BOSS. I beat everyone and I looked awesome. And I woke up wanting to play halo to realize that we don't own any Halo games. It made me sad. But then I beat Peggle and Plants v Zombies and felt better. Then I tried to play Left 4 Dead and realized that my lack of hand-eye coordination makes me suck and dual analog controllers. UGGHHH WHY?!?! I'm going to buy Halo soon and master the dual analogs and be like SUCK IT!!!!!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Remember a few posts ago when I was like all happy and life is yes? No? Feeling depressed? You should check it out. It was good times.

However, that's not the case. There are legitimately 6 full days of school left for me. A meager six days.

In realizing that I feel as if a trip to Mordor would just be easier and honestly more enjoyable.

Remember that whole migraine business I've been handed? Yeah, me too. And I'm not sure if I've said it here or not, but because of my rejection of all things emotional, I've dedicated one day every 8 weeks to be full out as depressed about it as I'd like.

Unfortunately, since my life's been all giggles and smiles recently, I tried pushing it off to three months. This was a poor idea.

Because it hit me. Last night. When I couldn't sleep for the life of me. And it hit me in what can only be described as the way Sarah Palin clubs baby seals. So awful.

So my almost tri-monthly breakdown began. My day yesterday was one of those days where it's like all these little things keep happening one after the other until you just break. Normally, it just makes me furious. Last night, it made me cry. Like with each swing of the club, my life problems just hit me one by one by one. Until I realized that since freshman year, I've never caught a break from this bad spell of occurrences.

The fact that this all began because of a head splitting migraine wasn't helping. But eventually I calmed down and forced myself to believe that my insomnia would fade and I would wake up the next morning without puffy eyes and frazzled hair and without a migraine and I would make it to school and continue my facade as a normal teenager.

Such was not the case. Instead my insomnia just got progressively worse with the pain and I was forced to realize that was never happening. What DID happen, however, was my progressive trip down memory lane via my camera and I saw something that I'd forgotten about. Something I never thought would happen.

That band that pulled me through my awkward pubescent years. And admittedly the worst possible years of my life. And as I watched my small, jumpy and blurry at times, clip, I remembered everything. I remembered the feeling of... of life that I had at that concert. At the prime of my troubles. And the feeling of unity with the crowd, with the band, with the music. I could close my eyes and just picture the lighters and cell phones that illuminated the night sky as we paid tribute to one of the greatest drummers in the world. I could remember looking up out into the star lit sky, knowing that this moment made me feel like I had a purpose.

And it's stupid and unimaginative and naive to believe those things. But I don't care.

My part in that concert meant something. And it will always mean something.

Moments like that don't happen every day. They pass by in a flash because people are too busy worrying about what they need to accomplish, or who they need to impress or what they want from life. But taking on so much at once just overwhelms you.

So stop. Whatever you're doing can wait five more minutes. Close your eyes, take six deep breaths through your diaphragm, your shoulders should not move up and down. And listen to the noises around you. Smell the scent wherever you are. Evaluate your feelings from your toes to your head. Stretch a little. Shrug and relax your shoulders. Breathe out through your mouth.

Don't let it all run you down. Because you will outrun it one day. But you don't want that problems or those issues to be the only things you remember.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Since my life is in the best position that it's likely going to be at this point, today seemed like a good day for this. Because I wouldn't have ever made it here if I'd given up 21 months ago. And I can't say that I never thought about it. I can't say that I never had days where I just couldn't get up and do anything. I did. We all do. It's just something that happens. I can't say I was never depressed. I can't say I never thought it would ever get any better. Because I didn't. I just thought I'd be stuck in this rut. This pain filled way of life forever. And I would have without every person who's stood by me and those who've walked out on me.

I'm not going to make this long, and I'm not giving anyone a lecture on how to live their life. I'm just putting it out there what happened to and is happening to me.

In short, 21 months ago I began getting constant headaches which turned out to be migraines. I've been through 3 neurologists, which doesn't sound like a lot, but if you have migraines and you've been to a neurologist, you know that you have to spend at least 2-3 months with one before you can move on. The reasoning for that is that many medications take at least 5-6 weeks to truly show any kind of change in your condition, in my case that was migraines.

So here I am, 21 months and 8 days later, still without a cure. But this time around, things are different. Because for some absolutely amazing reason I have the one thing that anyone in my position would die without: hope.

It seems strange that one word could really hold so much power in it. But it does. And my hope came from a lot of different things. A few of those things, were people. I'd be absolutely nowhere without my mother, father and brother. They have been the greatest support I could have ever asked for. I also wouldn't be anywhere without my best friend, whom you all know as Popcorn and my best friend/boyfriend, whom you all know as Octodad. These five people have been the ones that I could count on, no matter what. They were there when it was rough and they were there when it was almost normal.

To this day I could not possibly imagine my course in life had they been missing.

Hope is something I've had a falling out with and something I've been reunited with.

Hope is carrying me and the weight of everything on its shoulders and I am and I will forever be indebted.

To anyone who has ever had a rough moment in their life and maybe it hasn't stopped, I can't promise you that it's ever going to stop, but I can promise you that it will get better. And that's all I can promise you. There's really only cures for few select things in life. If you were lucky enough to get one, I wish you nothing but the best and I hope your happiness continues.

But if you're like me, and you're not so lucky, have hope. Do not give up.

"There'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more."

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Ahhh soo my lovelies, let's talk. There was a rant. The next day. I swear. But I decided not posting it was the best option. So I didn't. Copy?

But it's more than a month later and I'm happy to say things have been resolved. Quite nicely. To say the least.

Alrighty. So here's the low down. Remember that last post? With the teenage normalcy and complications? Yeah, me too. That was awful. Sorry about that. It wasn't cool.

But so that guy I was talking about? Hmm remember Octodad? That guy that I ruined everything with because I'm awful at life? He was that guy. What a surprise.

But nevertheless, such has since been renewed. No, everything in my life is still pretty crazy and hectic and I probably don't have the room that I needed last year. But I made some. Because some things you can't just let pass twice. So I didn't.

Girls. Guys. Whomever or whatever you are. LISTEN UP.

That thing or person that you want? GO FOR IT. Right now. Get up and go get it!

I spent many an hour pondering the repercussions on acting on something where I would not know the outcome until it happened. And guess what? It was worth it. It payed off. I absolutely DO NOT regret it. And neither does my boyfriend ;)

Because guess what? When every choice is planned out and every action anticipated, it's boring and it's not life. And it's never going to be life. So give up on that ideal.

Life is about unpredictability. I'm not saying go jump off a bridge because hey, just because other people haven't survived doesn't mean that you won't. No. That's dumb.

But that thing that you've been wanting to say or that thing you've been wanting to do? It's worth the risk. Because looking back and going "Man I wish I'd done this..." is the worst feeling in the world.

So to prove to you that it works, here's what happened.

I spent almost every night on the phone with Octodad, telling him everything and nothing. And always just wanting to blurt out that I still had more than enough feelings for him. Because I never really got over him. Even though I broke up with him. Because I didn't break up with him because I stopped liking him. I just wasn't in the position to be the best girlfriend I could be or that he deserved. But now I was willing so much to try to be.

So one night, I started to say it, but I stopped, because I was scared. I'd never been in such a place of vulnerability before. I'd avoided being in that position my entire life. But when he asked what I was going to say, I decided to stop running from it. So I told him. And I knew there'd be complications. But I had to let him know.

And guess what? Those feelings weren't imaginary. Those sparks weren't all in my head. They were 100% real AND mutual.

So we both cleared up some stuff. And a few days later made confirmed it all. And so it is.

And can I set something else straight? Just because you broke up with someone once doesn't mean it can't work again.

I actually feel like it's kinda better. Because you already know all the kinks and how the other person reacts and what buttons NOT to push. It's like the first run was a beta test and now you've got the real thing.

In short, everything is cleared up on my end. Everything is going as great as it's going to get until my health clears up and I've got the best guy in the world until that day comes.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

You know you've fallen into classic teenage normalcy that you've been trying so desperately to avoid when you realize that you've fallen quite close into love (but not love, because if it was love it would occupy your every second and this only occupies your mind maybe 50-60% of the time) with your ex-boyfriend who happens at the moment to be one of your current best friends and yes, currently has a girlfriend. Sigh. There's just people who make you realize that you're life was less complicated before you met them, but that you'd take every complication over simple normalcy. These things, the teenager things. There will be a rant tomorrow. Trust me.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

So today it was rainy and as when it is rainy, and it was the best kind of rain, I wear my snow boots when I go outside for anything because unlike everyone else in the world, I have common sense and I actually enjoy my other shoes sans mud and rain decor. But whenever I go out, there's always that one person. The one who's destined to make everyone else feel bad about everything they've ever accomplished in life. You know who I'm talking about. This person has been otherwise referred to as "that guy" and "that guy" still doubles as "that girl" but no one says "that girl" because it's not as catchy.

ANYWAYS. So I had to run to the store with my mom to get the things. Quit point on my height. I am short. However, not so short that I can't ride the good rides, because I made damn sure of that when I was growing.

So this person walks up to me and looks at my boots and then at me, smacking their lips obnoxiously because of what I can only presume was the most disgusting chewing gum in the world because of the look on their face. This person goes, "HEY, are those your boots?"

I would like to address the fact that this person, who has obviously been staring at me, with the boots ON MY FEET and then proceeds to open with that line. I was just blown away by the stupidity. NO these are the boots I stole from a homeless person, MY boots are in the car. Asshole.

"Yes."

"They ugly."

I was again, shocked. SHOCKED. WHO DOES THIS?!?! Who says things like this to random strangers who just ran into the store to buy ONE thing! ONE. That's not even addressing the absolute horrid grammatical errors in that phrase that DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A VERB. Articulation. It's all I ask of people. ONE THING and they stabbed it in the heart with a little dagger until it bled out on the ground with a gasp.

Needless to say, I was obviously more than words angry with this person. So, they had it coming. I exploded.

"WHAT SAY YOU ABOUT UGLY?!?!"

This person was taken aback. I was taken aback. The death of my little grammar friend obviously took a piece of me with it. The chocolate chips, which were the ONLY reason I entered the store in the first place, flew out of my hands in rage and landed somewhere in the next isle. Then the store got really quiet. And I waited. I was daring the person to say something, ANYTHING back.

"You ruuuudddeee."

"GNAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

I just walked out. WITHOUT my chocolate chips.

As I left, it was like the rain understood my rage. It hailed down in freezing pelts the moment after I got back in the car. It was singing me a song of deep anger and hatred. I usually hate rain.

It always comes with humidity and heavy wetness and everything else disgusting in this world. It's like the sloths of people rejoice with the rain and exit their homes for their natural habitat.

Monday, January 30, 2012

So I bet you've all heard about this. I can't take two steps in my high school without hearing the rave reviews. I'm sure you've seen the parodies that are funny yet respectful and not really even that harsh. You know what's coming. The Hunger Games. Oh Dear God. WHY? Why? Why? WHY??? I just...I can't...NO. No no no no no. I refuse.

If you're not quite on the ball with all new and upcoming popularity that the once secluded realm that is books is breaching, let me fill you in. In September of 2008 (oh yes, it's just getting big NOW) UK author Suzanne Collins released the first of a trilogy called The Hunger Games. And just to give you the accurate description, I went and got you the overview as told by Barnes and Noble. Go ahead, check. I'm not lying.

Could you survive on your own, in the wild, with everyone out to make sure you don't live to see the morning?

In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. The Capitol is harsh and cruel and keeps the districts in line by forcing them all to send one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen to participate in the annual Hunger Games, a fight to the death on live TV. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she is forced to represent her district in the Games. But Katniss has been close to dead before-and survival.

Sounds exciting right? Wrong. I tried to love this book. I really did. I tried to fall in love with it. But, I just couldn't. Now I'm going to tell you guys something that is completely going to disqualify my rant as soon as you hear it, but I'm not a bigot, so I'm going to say it.

I read the Twilight series. AND I liked it.

I know.

Now before you go off on me, I would like the chance to explain. The biggest reason I enjoyed Twilight was because when I read it, I was in the "target audience". I was 12 or 13. I was in the preteen glory that is oh so susceptible to the stupid promises of consumable reading material.

Now years passed and after wasting several hours just trying to endure what Summit Entertainment presumes is "quality" theatre. In translation, I wanted to claw my eyes out and puncture my eardrums over and over and over again. What was this madness? Why is it all so idealistic? WHY IS GOD'S NAME DID I WILLINGLY GO TO A CHICK FLICK?!??!?!?!!!!

I will not take that back. And guys, don't even try to defend yourself. It's a chick flick, through and through. And if you even try to come at me with, "but what about all the sex and manliness in the last one??" Well, I WOULD take that into consideration had that movie not been deemed PG-13. So have fun with all those "sex" scenes. Maybe you'll even see people besides Taylor Lautner without a shirt on. OH GOLLY GEE!!!

So in an attempt to prove to myself that the movie industry had yet again destroyed all things sacred to me, I reread the series. Oh boy was THAT a mistake.

It didn't make sense. How could I have glorified something so...so...banal? It was the Clique series all over again, except this time, they turned it into the worst Sci-Fi I'd ever seen. And I watched the new Star Wars, so I know what I'm talking about.

Now I know what's next in your minds. HARRY POTTER!! YOU MUST LOVE HARRY POTTER! YESSS! ..........no.

Now I can't even fully discredit the Potter fans out there. Truth is when Harry Potter came out, it came out at the prime time for my brother, three years my elder. However for me....not so much. I was too young, my attention span too sparse to even consider J.K. Rowlings' monster of a series. I mean that in a good way. Really. But to a six year old, a book a depth thicker than my body just screamed BORING.

Unfortunately, when I did begin, not so shortly after to LOVE and I mean LOVE reading and books and the fantastical world that it offered, Harry Potter had passed. It had faded away with the generation before me. Now not literally because once Harry Potter was out, it was out forever. To this day, I'm still sure that when my grandchildren have grandchildren, it will be a book revered. It will be their Mother Goose stories.

Now let's not get too off track here. Like I said, Harry Potter has passed me. And now with a myriad of books in a reservoir just waiting to be read, I dare not even think of throwing Harry in there. Although, maybe next summer...

So Hungry Games. Sorry, Hunger Games. Same thing. So that overview sounded pretty sweet, huh? That's what I thought. Anything even resembling the Apocalypse or a Post-Apocalyptic world (hellooo 9) screamed out to me from the dark abyss of books. That and it was recommended by a family member whom I trust.

Unfortunately the Hunger Games and I were not meant to be. I tried guys, I mean it. But...nothing. And I mean NOTHING. It just didn't do it for me.

The names were too far fetched, the concept was too ridiculous and for my personal selection it was wasn't grounded enough for me. After my deviation from the darkness that I usually read into Twilight, I made sure to never make that mistake again. And so therefore the Hunger Games trilogy gets two thumbs down from me.

Now look, I'm not trying to say, "Oh this book sucks and it's terrible and it should never have been published and if you like it you're a douche." NO, that's not at all what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say is this book was not something I enjoyed. I didn't even finish it. I couldn't. I read half. And that was still too much. I know this is great for some people. So if you haven't read it, go out there and give it a try.

This was just my two cents (God, I'm ancient) on a popular book that I thought needed to be expressed.

However if this review sounds exactly like your thoughts, I'm currently reading a fantastic book. Which is also part of a trilogy. That's how I like my books, short and sweet. And by that I mean the author doesn't try to push good material past it's due date. I'M TALKING TO YOU HOLLYWOOD.

About Me

I am Jess. I am 19. I am awkward. That is pretty much all you need to know. I am also funny. That is also important. I also normally use contractions most of the time, usually when they combine to make words that are not words.