This is an odd posting, but in light of The Hunter premise, recent activity on my fan page, and my feelings as I write Integrated, I felt the need to get something off of my chest. I’m sure I will piss some readers off, and perhaps spoil some shit. You can dissect my words for clues on Integrated and so forth. But this is simply in defense of Katya Waters.

As I’ve interacted with readers and read reviews… People HATE Katya’s f’ing guts. It’s an everyday occurrence that I get an ‘I hate Katya’ from someone on my various pages. I’ve had actual death-threat emails over this, I shit you not. Katya is a fictitious character… ya know. I mean, kill her? Yes, death-threats. *smh*

It’s an interesting dynamic for me. I’m not trying to sway your feelings over the character. I actually want to know your view, because it helps me with character development in the future. I’m curious to see where I went wrong, or if it is simply a case of we see ‘this character‘ with ‘this character‘ and will accept nothing less.

It’s a phenomenon in psychology, how we gloss over the huge shit going on but pick on a character that has blended into the background as we hear about her through a tainted lens.

At first, I was waiting for someone, anyone, to stand up for Katya… when readers kept hating on her, I kept making it more obvious… and still… nothing. No one said, “Help Katya. This isn’t right. Why are you doing this?” Since I am a maniacal bitch, I started bashing Katya through the narration of other characters just to see if anyone would say anything.

You are aware that Katya is Ezra’s WIFE, right? No? Because we don’t seem to care that Ezra has NEVER acted like a husband…

My stories have STRONG females. Females who believe in empowerment and are borderline cock haters. A few are huge feminists. The readers love Faith and Regina. LOVE. & this pleases me to no end. I’m proud to make inspiring characters…

BUT, and yes, this is a huge but, it’s okay for said strong females spouting empowerment to bully Katya- both of the favorites do. They bully Katya for actions out of her control. & I had Faith say some nasty shit about a Tonka truck… and ya know what? That wasn’t even about Katya, that was about EZRA & CORTEZ… yes, that’s right. It was the disrespect they showed Katya. But, nope, the readers blamed Kat. And while written with a humorous twist, it was rather gross of Faith to think those thoughts about Katya and not blame the men. Again, no one noticed, or Faith was applauded for being nasty.

For me, it just shows how women think and behave. No matter what, we pit ourselves against one another. We won’t stick up for each other. But we will fight over a cock, even a worthless and faithless cock. Time and time again, I made it to where Regina and Faith could have stepped in and rescued Kat, but I didn’t have them do it to show how women do not stick up for each other…

I wrote the story this way for a reason. It was on design for what is to come. I’m known for cerebral fuckage. But I was astonished by the hate-on the readers had for Katya, how they felt no compassion towards her but felt it for her abusers and bullies.

It’s interesting. Lends to the blame the victim mentality. By no means should behaviors be forgiven because you were once a victim. But what about those victimizers that are so nonredeemable but we seem to love them anyway…

I just really feel the need to defend my creation. I just don’t see where this anger is coming from- this hypocrisy… and as I continue to write a story that Katya hovers around, I’m left feeling frustrated. Yes, I wrote it this way. It’s the readers’ perceptions that are baffling me…

I mean, it’s not like Kat is a whore, a murderer, a serial rapist, a criminal, a drug lord… that’s all good, right? I mean. we can just forgive that shit, right?

Kat’s only crime is that she wants to be the best at her profession instead of staying at home with the kids.. It’s the only thing Kat has any control over, and even then, it’s only perceived control. I’ve heard the mother complaints from a lot from readers. I’m a huge advocate for stay-at-home moms, I was raised by one. We are all different. Some ppl are not meant to be mommies. Neither is better than the other, it’s just lifestyle choices… choices written in a series about alternative lifestyles, I might add. Ironically, what’s perfectly fine for the beloved women in my series isn’t for Katya. Think on that for a moment… …. …. okay, Regina and Faith have careers. I actually did that to see if anyone would bitch, but they never did. Just about Katya.

But Kat is dog shit because she doesn’t want to be humiliated and disrespected by the very women that spout empowerment and feminism? Everyone is huge Regina and Faith fans. While I love and respect my creations, I love them equally, and I made them equally as flawed as they are good.

This is something I’ve been examining for well over a year, and when I went back to fix Restraint & Unleashed… I was like, “wow. I never noticed that before.” I just want to give Katya a fucking hug.

& yes, this is raw in my mind because I wrote a 6,000 word chapter today on this very subject within Integrated. & I could list the merits of Katya Waters vs her bullies or copy/paste segments of what I’d written. But I won’t because I don’t want to taint your view of the books. I go into great depth with this, and I could now. But if you don’t realize Katya’s motivations right now, I’d rather you just read about it in Integrated.

I hope when you read Integrated that you regain your compassion and actually see things clearly. if not, I tried my damnedest through 6,000 words of my character bleeding out…

Katya is my stalking horse… You guys might not love Kat, but she is my creation… my very first creation… and more than 75% of her personality traits, physical characteristics, and even the town she lived in and the life she had led… was all me. I’ve used her to express how I’ve felt: violated, trapped, confused, lost, alone, trapped, scared, and tortured. Kat has been living how I lived, in a much more fanatical way, obviously. Right now, she is lost and trapped, and stepped on…I’ve been there- we all have. That is what is baffling me- the lack of empathy and compassion as we praise the victimizer and blame the victim… just step back and truly think on this. Your feelings of all the characters and why.

I use Katya as an example of life. We all overlook what the cocks do… and we will take sides with the vaginas, even if it’s the wrong side. But there is always one person that we hate for no fucking reason at all. Think about it… it’s true in all walks of life, every part of the world, and in every age group… and for some fucked up reason, just among the vaginas.

Interesting… as I said, never forget, I write by perception. One person’s lens may be tainted because they aren’t in the other character’s head. And everything I write is for a reason- and most likely, a psychological reason.

Please, feel free to tell me your thoughts. It’s why I wrote this. Join us in the M&M of RestraintClosed group on Facebook or email me: thewickedwriter@yahoo.com

Warning: This posting will be a mishmash of a billion little bits of information… and extremely long-winded. I’ll put headers so that you may skip potions you don’t give a damn about. *wink wink* I’m riding through Ohio, destination New York (Groceries, fruit & vegetables :P) & Pennsylvania (Home) So I have a few hours of heading eastbound while glaring into the rising sun to formulate a long blog posting. Oh, and rocking out to my father’s love of Creedence Clearwater Revival, but thank goodness he’s no longer listening to his favorites on Sirius radio. I was about ready to jump from the moving car during Fox News & that eighties rock station. The wickedly bright, and always in my eyes no matter how hard I try to avoid it, sun and I are about to have words. I lost a screw in my glasses & I’m missing my transitions lenses something fierce. DANG, this freakin’ sucks!

Edited Versions of my titlesI’ve been contacted a few times in the past few hours on how to tell which version is which and if it is necessary to reread or what the changes were. Restraint, Good Girl, and Unleashed were edited and uploaded the first week of July. On the title page of these editions it will say their date of publication and their revised editions of November 2012/July 2013 (Restraint & Unleashed) & July 2013 (Good Girl) If you do not have these editions, please go to my account on Amazon, manage Kindle devices, and click to ‘turn on’ automatic updates. The newest edition should upload the next time you sync your device. Or follow the steps above until manage Kindle devices, on the library click the drop down next to the title you wish to update, and click update. You can also access this from the purchase page on Amazon (website only) you may also remove the title from device or archive, and redownload the edition. If all else fails, and it has for a select handful of ppl, please contact Amazon via telephone, and have them ‘reset’ your copy to the newest version. Most copies update, but it is out of my control and totally in Amazon’s hands. I don’t know why some update while others don’t.

The changes per title:
Restraint was lengthened from 70k to 100k. Restraint went through a lot of sentence restructure, formatting, and proofreading. I’ve grown within my craft & I want to make my work the best it can be. Restraint was polished, the scenes were expanded with description, and the storyline was fixed for issues in flow and storyline conflict. The overall premise did not change. If you think you need to reread for other than the enjoyment of beginning the series anew, no fear, there is no need. I realize that a lot of readers hate rereading, while some are like me, finding comfort in a reread. I will not change the storyline of my works unless there is a major conflict that I didn’t anticipate.

Unleashed & Good Girl were slightly lengthened by a few thousand words. I didn’t find as many errors, conflicts, or need to restructure the sentences. They basically received a thorough going over and polish.

As I write new titles, I will be going back to past titles, Dexter is next on my list… and yes, I will be going back to the beginning with Restraint & Good Girl when I finish all of my titles. I foresee me doing this until I find the titles flawless. (which is an impossibility) This also help to refresh the little things in my mind as I write new books within these series. Good Girl was a refresher for Widow, & Dexter will be a refresher before I begin The Hunter, and so on.

Thoughts on reviews:I thank those who have taken the time to review my works, albeit positive or negative. Either way, obviously my work struck a chord within the reader enough for them to think about the story and take time from their busy lives to write a few sentences or a long review. So thank you.

I do not read reviews on principle. Any review, good or bad, is an emotional drain for me. While positive may fill me with inspiration, negative will undoubtedly demotivate my ass… and I never know if it’s positive or negative. Even a positive 5 star review can be riddled with unintentional landmines.

It’s a vicious cycle to engage in, an addiction. “This person loves me. “This person loathes me.” “OMG, I fucked that up!” By the time I read two or three reviews, I’m hunting up a razor blade (I jest. I’m not a cutter, but you get the point… and in all seriousness, I’ve thought about it before. But through the force of my massive willpower, I’ve abstained)

I have to take a step back from all of the closet backseat drivers (editors) and the people who think they can write my stories better than I can. Word of advice, you can’t. Why do I have the arrogance to say you can’t write my story better than I can? Simple, because it’s MY STORY, and I am the creator of its universe. As far as my grammar Nazis… I’ve grown a lot, and I will continue to grow within all the facets of my craft. Making fun of me when you make similar mistakes in the bashing review is kind of… interesting.

Final words: I am a human being. Just because I put my work out for public consumption does not mean you have the liberty to speak to me in any manner you wish. You do realize what I write, correct? I abhor DISRESPECT! Writer and authors alike are regular people with regular lives. We are all walking in similar directions down different paths. While I love interacting with my readers (I truly do) it is unnerving when some make demands (write it like this, you should have done this differently…) everything within my work is up to my discretion because it’s MY work. I thank you for the input. But no, I will not change who I am to meet whatever expectations you have of me. & yes, this is coming from a location of stress that I feel every time I receive this type of message or email. It’s completely inconceivable why people believe I will kotow to them for any reason, no matter how big or small.

In retrospect, the people in the digital land of the internet are just people, strangers. I liken the criticism and demands to a complete stranger walking up to me on a crowded street and making demands of me. Who wouldn’t be pissed? I have no idea who you are, as you have no idea of who I am. That’s not entirely true. I am an open book: my real name, age, location, and my words bleed upon the page. My point is that until you and I have multiple interactions over a long spans of time, like any relationship, you have no rights to me until you’ve earned it. I’m a very guarded person, I even take great offence when my nearest and dearest place pressure on me. Quickest way to clam me up, make a demand of me.

Note to everyone: It could be anyone on the other side of that user name with a stolen pic as a profile picture. Unless you are a public figure, you have no idea who is on the other side of the computer screen. So yes, the negatives wound me, but then I realize it could be anyone. This isn’t coming from a position of arrogance. Why should I heed words from someone who doesn’t know me, and may be ten years old giving me writing, editing, plotting, and storyline advice? I do not go to your place of employment or your home and follow you around telling you how to do this or that on a subject I know jack-shit about, so don’t come into my home and office through my laptop screen giving me advice about my occupation that you may or may not have any experience with. As bitchy as that last statement is, it’s all about mutual respect.

I will take all advice with a grain of salt, even from my betas and fellow writers. Because, ultimately, I am the one who has to live with my work. After all, it has my real name attached to it, not yours.

Really, think on this… Catfish was not a fictitious story!!! Scary, that!

Reader interactions:
I love hearing from readers, whether good or bad (not the readers 😉 The comments) Please be respectful, though. I don’t need you walking on eggshell or any shit like that. My self-confidence isn’t make of spun glass, but I am prone to bouts of extreme frustration. I have the ability to look in my mirror and acknowledge my faults. So you can’t say anything to me that I didn’t already know. With this said, go ahead and write me in any media you wish (email, msg, and comments on the website or Facebook pages. Friend my ass, and I’ll accept. Hell, you can write me letters if you wish)

I’ve had a lot of positive interactions with readers, and it’s been a cause of inspiration. M&M of Restraint is Dark and contains very dark themes. I’ve had a lot of abuse survivors contact me, saying I’ve helped them come to terms with their violation. You have no idea how this makes me feel. I want my readers to feel empowered by my work. While I may not write traditional HEA, my characters always end up with a feeling of completion within themselves. Do not give power to your victimizer by dwelling in the past. You are stronger than that!

Within the Playroom series, I dive into substance addiction, and it will be a thread within the series. It is something that has directly affected my life in several way, and I wish to address it. I’ve had a few readers contact me in thanks over writing about something that is usually pushed underneath the rug or dramatized as being fun and carefree. I’m a firm believer in tough love and totally against enabling the abuser. I hope this helps to push readers to change aspects of their lives that aren’t fulfilling them, negative people within their lives included.

Current works in progress:

Widow: a dual narrated storyline between the Widow & the Widower. Clover Webster and Malcolm Mason alternate chapters. Odd chapters for the Widower, & even chapters for the Widow. I’ve read a lot of multiple POV books, and it always confused me when the point of view would shift within a chapter with no real indication, and sometime within the same paragraph. I’ve had to read several paragraphs to gauge who the hell was narrating. Believe it or not, big time authors make this mistake within their books, especially those who have more than 2 narrators. My all-time favorite author is a HUGE offender. She also uses an upwards of 19 narrators (I think that was the final tally on her last published work) within this chaotic mess.

Using my idols are a model on what not to do, I decided that I would ease the transition by giving each narrator their own chapter with headings, so you never need to determine who is speaking/thinking because I told you before you began. Since this is my first foray into the land of multiple POV, I decided to simplify it with only 2 narrators.

Widow is a HEA storyline. One of the strongest romances I’ve written. While not saccharine in the least, with some very strong dark themes, it is pure romance. The Playroom series is my venture to get away from the darkness of The M&M series. There are no billionaires, fanatical storylines, or outlandish lifestyles. The Playroom is real people who have very real issues and kinks. They suffer through daily struggles with rent/mortgages, occupations, families, and children.

Good Girl was the introduction to the cast of characters. I needed it to highlight the playful naïveté of a teenager. It did not end with a cliffhanger or any real resolution because Willow Prynne is a still a child in my eyes. Willow has to grow up before she gets the life she deserves. Willow’s resolution will be within the pages of book 4 of the series. But you will continue to see Willow grow throughout book 2 and 3.

Widow was the perfect nexus for the series. The union of Malcolm and Clover gives us a glimpse of the cast of characters. Yes, I just said the union. There is no secret that they are going to hook up. In the format of romance, the format that I usually hate, mind you, you know from page one how the book will end. It’s why I’m not a fan of romance. I like a mystery. I don’t like knowing that the main protagonists are destined to be together no matter what. But in Widow’s case, it needed to be written as romance. It’s the progression of the characters as they solidify their family that sets up the rest of the series.

Widow is a sensual book. It shows the softer, gentler side of BDSM. In Good Girl, I broke down the barriers of BDSM by showing the playfulness of the lifestyle. I want readers to realize the lifestyle is NOT about abuse, force, or pain. There should always be a choice based on trust. Recently fiction has portrayed the lifestyle with an abusive filter, desensitizing readers to what is really right or wrong. Abuse is not sexy, it’s abuse, and it’s illegal. A personal violation is not romantic, no matter what light you shine on it. It’s assault. You should never allow someone to infringe upon your rights as a human being. I cannot stress this strongly enough!

Yes, I’ve written force and non-consent, but I’ve made sure you see the after-effects of such an event. I’ve shown these events to empower the victim when they survive because life is not pretty. Force is not romance, and it’s not sexy or hot. It may be some people’s kink. But there is a fine line between it being a mutual choice and assault. It’s a choice, both parties always have a choice. Don’t fall into a trap by allowing yourself to see it through a tainted filter. *lecture complete*

Back to Widow… our Widower, Malcolm Mason is the ultimate alpha male who wants to take care of his family. He isn’t abusive because he struggles with his own past. He suffers from skin hunger, and readers will experience the softer, sensual side of the lifestyle through Malcolm.

Widow sets up Wayward. Wayward will be narrated by Augustus Kline, Robin Prynne, and Isis Mason. I want to stress that the narrators do not indicate unions. While the three lifelong friends may find HEA together, you’ll have to read to find out. I’ve grouped my narrators by age and connection. Similar to book 4 with Willow Prynne and Kieren and Devon Mason. It would be disjointed to have narrators of differing ages. To read as a teen/young adult, and then be thrust in the mind of an adult would be discombobulating, especially for me as I write it.

Widow is slated for release on the final week of August. It may be sooner rather than later. Only the muse knows. Currently the book is 75k words in length, and about 3/4th completed. I have no true length on my books. I end them when the story deems it should be ended. However, I do price my books according to length.

Pricing:I’ve never written a work under 50k, but if I do, here is the pricing guide I always follow.
10-25,000 words: 99 cents
26-40,000 words: $1.99
41-60,000 words: $2.99
61-100,000 words: $3.99
All first in a series will be listed at $3.99, regardless of length. (If shorter than 100k, will be priced less. It’s why Restraint was just raised to $3.99 from its original $2.99. The revision pushed it over 100k) First in a series are also subject to .99 cent sales and free promotions.
101,000+ words: $4.99
Over 150,000 words: $5.99
Omnibus editions & epic length novels over 300,000 words: $9.99.
Only paper editions will ever be over $9.99. Yes, I do plan on paper editions in the near future.
These prices are well under the guidelines that major publishers and independent and self-published authors use. I will never rip off my readers. I know more than anyone how horrible the economy is currently. I’d rather have my loyal fans read my books for next to nothing than go without. My code is to give the reader a lot of content and story for as little price as possible. But a girl has to eat… even if she’s on a diet.

First person present tense:If you haven’t figured out yet, I’m just writing whatever pops into my mind as it pops into my mind. (Dude, both times I typed pops, POOPS flowed from my fingertips! *snickers) Currently, I see the sign promising Erie Pennsylvania in 40 miles, and my bladder is about to freakin’ burst. Dang you, Venti Caramel Iced Coffee from the Ohio Toll road Starbucks that litter the plazas… But alas, we’ve run out of plazas since we’ve abandoned that road for Ohio’s I-90, which seems very short on rest areas. GONNA PISS MY PANTS! A coffee piss is worse than a beer piss.

So anyhoo… case in point about first person present tense (dude, Fox news just took over CCR L) I write in this tense because it causes the reader to experience the story as it’s happening, like my current pissy pants issue. You’re reading about my predicament as I experience the bulging pressure of a full to bursting bladder.

I can’t write in past tense. I just can’t do it. I hate it when I do a flashback sequence. I also can’t write a 3rd person perspective, either. It also takes me a long time to get into a book that is written that way. I think in the here and now. So the entire time I’m reading about the “saids” and “dids” I’m like, but your dialogue is in present tense. WTF? Yeah, it confuses me and pulls me from the story. I know the norm is past tense. But… yeah, my story, my freakin’ rules! Yes, I’m a dominant personality. You should know this by now.

Plus, that third person makes me feel like a patient at an insane asylum when it’s not written properly. I’m not Ezra Zeitler of the multiple personality persuasion. Like, I’m talking about myself in third person or some shit. You don’t think, ‘she walked into the room,’ when thinking about your own actions. I’m like, “bitch, I sashayed into the room, and everyone was looking at me.”

In case you are wondering… yeah, reviews from first person perspective haters led me to this strange train of thought. *shrugs* You ain’t making me write any differently than I already do. I’ll perfect my craft, but I’m not catering to everyone’s likes. It’s an impossibility. Plus, I really do love reading first person present, so that’s what I write.

WELCOME TO PENNSYLVIANIA. My home state better cough up a freakin bathroom before I wet this leather seat with my coffee piss! OMG! A Rest Area! Thank you baby Jesus! I love you Pennsylvania for the short while before we dip back into New York, my other ridge-running state.

AH! I feel five pounds lighter! Pure bliss! & you wouldn’t enjoy my discomfort and subsequent relief if it wasn’t for the first person present tense writing J

WHAT’S NEXT?My muse has a mind of her own. After Widow, I may or may not write The Hunter or Wayward. Sometimes as I’m writing a series and I finish one book, the next manifests immediately. Other times I’m able to go between the series with little issue. It’s why I only write 2 series at a time. Any more than that and I would go insane.

I can give you some info on The Hunter, though. I will do my damnedest to get The Hunter released before Thanksgiving. I have some events, sales and such for that time frame, and again at Christmas/New Years because of all the new devices being purchased as gifts. Yeah, it’s a long ways off, but I have to keep a schedule. I want Widow, Wayward, and The Hunter published before then. And it all depends on length. Like with Faithless, which I thought would be a short book. I never know what the book’s length will be until it tells me… so it all depends. We will see!

The Hunter: Cortez Abernathy is experiencing writer’s block, as you learned in several books and the why of it during chapter 105 of Faithless. I want to get away from a parallel storyline, flashback, dream sequences… but I want to give Cort’s perspective of past events without rehashing them to death. Cort’s story is the time frame of after they moved to Misery Castle (KING- ending chapters of Faithless) The reader will be in the present as Cort and company deal with events, but will experience the past through Cort’s newest book, The Hunter. The Hunter is an autobiographical Cortez Abernathy memoir.

Cortez’s book will be more romancy, emotional, and life-changing. It’s not a coming of age story, more of a finding one’s true path kind of story. Cortez is lost. I’ve been strongly toying with an idea, and I’m on the fence. After Widow, for the first time ever, I’m seeking the advice from my betas. What I may or may not do is irreversible, and I don’t want to fuck up my series by acting in haste. No, I’m not offing any major characters (I promise). But it will have far reaching consequences, and I do believe I’m going to do it. Sometimes I amaze myself. *snickers* Yes, you should be very worried!

Warning aside, The Hunter will be very sweet, very emotional, and as gut-wrenching as it is playful and charming. Basically, Cort’s book will be just like his personality!

Silenced: I believe will be a short book, and not because Grant doesn’t have a lot to say… it’s just that his book ties into a more complex book. But I felt it was the right time to set up what Grant has going on. His swagger and naughtiness will be a good palate cleanser between Cortez and Ezra’s emotional torture roller coaster ride from Hell. Grant has some ‘play’ he’s working on to get attention from an unlikely source. Wil kept hinting at this during Faithless. “One step closer, congrats!” kind of dialogue. Plus, Grant is mighty pissed his bedroom romp with Faith was interrupted.

Next up is Integrated (Ezra Holden Zeitler’s book). After that, it’s either Niel or Katya’s book. Yeah, that gives you a hint about what I’m toying with…

HOME NOWWhat I have planned for this evening: I have a few winners to choose for the rafflecopter giveaway. I also have to send out copies of my books to a prize winner from another giveaway I was a part of. I’m doing laundry out the ass! I have to create a report for the sales for the promo weekend, and I think I will post the first two chapters of Widow (a chapter from both narrators)…

Sneaky Snakes!As usual, after a Kindle free promotion weekend: It wasn’t good enough that I gave out thousands of FREE books, ppl must read the rest of the books for FREE as well. Unleashed had a return this morning, now there is a return for Dexter, and I’m positive there will be one for Dalton next… and so on. Now I just checked, and there are two Unleashed returns. Man, it’s amazing how people accidently one-click my books in series order, and manage to return them after reading…. Amazing… absolutely amazing…

A look back at the creation of Mistress and Master of Restraint series. I began writing Restraint, exactly one year ago… Wow. Time feels as if it flies by, but in reality, it’s burst of speed and moments where it slows to a crawl. When I remember my journey, some moments jump out at me, while other mute to the background.

Restraint was meant to be a novella at most. When it was completed, I thought it was over. I’d left it open to interpretation so that if I decided to enter that world again, I could. But I tied it up enough that readers would be satisfied.

Restraint was the first book that I’d completed.

It was the first book I had the nerve to publish.

It was totally unexpected. I was writing a fantasy novel. I remember waking up one morning with an idea. Huh? A book about a BDSM club? Really? Can I do that? Do I dare to even talk about it? I excitedly started writing. I wrote Restraint while my grandmother was staying with us. I wrote a dirty, sick and twisted book while sitting on the sofa next to my 93 yr old grandma. I shit you not!

I’d caught the writing bug after I published Restraint. Unleashed was written in a heartbeat. I was sad to see it end. So sad, in fact, that I couldn’t end it. Finally, inspiration struck. Who said I had to end it? I decided on a continual series narrated by different characters.

I published Unleashed and I still didn’t talk about it. It was like my books were some dirty secret I hid with the skeletons in my closet.

I started on Dexter. He was the obvious choice being that he was the nexus to several sets of characters. Midway through Dexter, Dalton was screaming at me. He was next, but he didn’t want to wait his turn. I wrote half of Dalton when Dexter was only a quarter finished. I wrote both books simultaneously. I published them both on my 34th birthday.

Still not talking about it. Still blushing when people ask what I do for a living. My mom was still smoothing it over, neglecting the fact that I write Dark Erotica.

Queen was next, but I knew Jack-shit about her. I knew her name, that’s it. On a long cross-country trip, I started Cortez (40 K that will hit the garbage when I butcher it) Suddenly, I knew who Queen was. One book turned into 3, with an omnibus edition.

Midway through book 3 of Queen’s, M&M #7… Dead-end. Good Girl was born to help me relax and lighten the dark within me. I proceeded to rewrite, restructure, re-edit, reformate, and butcher all the books from the very beginning. 7 books. Some major changes occurred.

After Checkmate, I was lost. I set up for a huge beginning on KING and I didn’t know how to write it… I didn’t want to let the readers down.

Good Girl again… I published it and began Widow. I was so enthusiastic about Widow, that I outlined Wayward.

The day I scheduled to start writing on Widow again, after a two week break, lightning struck. The most amazing thing happened; my mind cleared enough to allow new information to filter in. You can become blind in your writing, where you see only one possible path, but it’s not the right one. I knew the direction to take King.

KING is an important book and it was scaring me that I couldn’t do it. I’m not sure how I did it, or if the readers will enjoy it, but it flawlessly fused all the books together. What you thought you knew, you didn’t. KING has the foundation Restraint wasn’t. KING WILL hold the rest of the series without fail. I’m feeling closed-lipped about it. I want it to be a surprise.

One year since the conception of Restraint. I’m writing M&M #8- almost 40k (93 manuscript pages) in 4 days. I know the path that the next few books will take. The next books in the series will be: Faithless, M&M #9 (Syn). Untitled #10 (Cortez) and I believe #11 will be dedicated to Levi Wilson.

The series will maintain its dark edge, but it’s darker now. Mystery and intrigue. I’m curious to see where this takes me. We’ll see.

I’m procrastinating or simply reminiscing. I don’t know which, it may be a combination of the two. My hands are freaking killing me today and my migraine is pounding. Don’t ever look at a writer and think them lazy. My mind and hands are tortured by my craft.

I am near the bottom of Checkmate’s outline. I can see the bottom. You have no idea how this thrills me. So let’s take a reminiscent journey of Queen, shall we…

I started Queen, Mistress of Restraint on June 28th. Dexter and Dalton were with the Betas. Yeah, I did two books at once. What an undertaking. (I’m being sarcastic. It was torture at the time and little did I know I’d one up myself) I knew Queen had to be next in the series. Wanna know why? A glimpse into the strange inner-working of Erica Chilson’s mind. It’s not as intriguing as I’m making it sound. I’m in a mood today. I was staring at the characters I’d written on a piece of paper. Katya was out, she had two books just for her- she’s so selfish, hogging the limelight like that. (I’m still in Queen’s head. so yeah…) It had to be a girl since I’d done two of Kat and two of D&D. It couldn’t be a gay because some ppl are sensitive to that and I didn’t want two gay books back-to-back. Obviously you’ve figured out that personally I have absolutely no orientation- Erica likes connection and chemistry. But it couldn’t be a guy or a gay. Queen is a girl, but… I’d written her as a lesbian. Syn was out because I thought she should do something else later on… So at the time I had no other girls that were Masters. Queen… Queen… I quickly slapped a band aid on Dalton to fix Queen’s lesbianism. (shotty bandage. Bad, Erica)

I typed Queen, Mistress of Restraint and groaned. “What the fuck was I going to write? Who is she?” I knew nothing of Queen. I knew a few details I’d given her in regards to other characters and that was it. So I ignored her. We weren’t ready.

I did final edits on the July Release of Dexter & Dalton. We were driving cross-country from the PA/NY Border to New Mexico for a NRA national championship (Congrats to Brian Chilson on his 2012 National Champ title. GO DAD!) Cortez was crooning his naughty, charming words. I yanked out the laptop and by the end of our 5 day journey to NM, Cort was 40k in length. He’s a sweet talker. We had a blast.

July 10th, the day before my birthday. I still didn’t know anything about Queen, and Cort was being quiet (a first since he is ALWAYS with me.) I was uploading D&D to the sites for publication and my laptop died. It fucking died on me at 5am in a hotel room in rural NM. I mean rural. I live in a rural place but give me a half hour and it’s cities. I was a sad panda. I got the books to upload finally. I was a sad, sad panda as my dad practiced at the rifle range and I watched. I had no laptop, nothing to write or read since I couldn’t upload to the nook. The nook was dead because the charger was broke (again).

We got in the car and he started heading towards Colorado, land of stores. 🙂 Pueblo was the destination. Mom said happy birthday and pulled into Sam’s club. I left the parking lot with a new laptop pressed to my chest and a sad smile. I felt like a shit because that was tooooo much for a birthday, but my bank account was miniscule at best. Being a starving artist writer, who just separated with her husband that she’d been with since age 12 leaves you with little. They said suck it up, you need this for work. I still feel like a shit. So they went in to Home Depot looking for supplies. And I’m a techie. That box was torn open, the laptop booted up and plugged into the powerport in the car. I was installing updates off of HD’s wifi from the parking lot. The laptop was named, updated, and programs removed while they shopped. Half hour later I was downloading all the stuff I use.. Sugarsync, calibre, kindle, and nook when they came out.

Yeah… I’m a techie… My family thinks I’m a member of Geek Squad and I have the propensity to tell the tech support ppl on the phone to suck it. The technician from our internet company came to fix my router and laughed when he told me I was red-flagged. I’m a short, round chick, who’s quiet. He laughed at me when I told him how it took 5 calls to get him to visit…. and I was right all along. Told ya so, tech support- suck it! He was my first awed person who looked at me like I was a rockstar when he saw my books on my laptop. He thought I was getting a tattoo of a dudes name. (Dexter) He said, “No, don’t tattoo some dude’s name on your body.” He shook his head at me and scowled. So I got to laugh at him in return by telling him that those pictures were my creation. Good Times.

July 11th, birthday time!! I’m 34 *shrugs* I didn’t want to sit at the hot and dusty range so I sat on the bed at the hotel with three usb thumb drives taking info from the barely running laptop to the new one. It was a long wait for the pictures and book files. I started Queen.

I wrote, “Jaded” out of nowhere. I started typing a book about Queen, but she was an 18 yr-old Regina Regal. 12k later it was time for dinner and my parents and the doggie were back. I typed all through the night trying not to disturb my sleeping parents. Regina turned into a sad girl who hated handouts and was a techie… Heehee, wonder where that inspiration came from. The 12th I sat while they practiced and 10 pages later I realized that the book couldn’t be Queen, Mistress of Restraint, but rather, Jaded, Queened, and Checkmate. I’d release them singularly and together as an omnibus edition. When I say 10 page outline, I should explain my way of outlining. Single line scenes, they could be half a chapter or three. Each line was a scene, ten pages of them. Queen was born because a broke, separated Erica had to take a handout from her loving parents.

Jaded was written quickly and Queened too! About 30k into Checkmate I found a problem. An epically huge fucking problem. I was paralleling Restraint, Unleashed, Dexter, and Dalton. I was dissatisfied and lost. So I went to bed. This is writer clarity of mind time. I woke up and Willow Pryne was born, my Good Girl. I wrote Good Girl in 10 days. I sent it off to the betas and a few readers. It’s not completed because I wrote more of the outline and have to do the final edits. 5 days tops and Willow will be ready to read.

I stared at Checkmate. What the fuck do I do? It’s not working and if I can’t fix it, the series is dead- total destruction! I did something I said I’d never do… I loaded Restraint and started butchering, re-editing, restructuring, rewriting, reformatting. If you can name it, I did it to my book! Everyone said Katya was cold. I warmed her up and lightened her up. I made Ezra more cryptic. I gave us more Cortez and I wrote Queen into the story. I knew her now and she needed in there.

I immediately started on Unleashed. The writing was so much better. I’d rewritten Restraint; it would have been easier from scratch. Unleashed flowed better, the English language wasn’t trashed, and the story made sense. I fixed minor errors and added some smexy scenes.

Dexter. I felt bad for my sadist. He didn’t really have a story. Dexter was the nexus to all the characters and the book was fucking fluff. I’m being hard on myself and I deserve it. I finally added the strife that was necessary for our game of Master of the Universe. Dexter was a different book from its original form. I did this to Dalton, too!

After a bunch of shit with uploading the new editions, plastering ‘get your updated copy here’ everywhere I could think, I went back to Jaded. I edited it and published it. It went through and I found a set of edits in the Queened folder that belonged to Jaded. I fixed it and upload it again to B&N and Amazon. It was BLOCKED from Amazon! JADED was dead in the water. I received no explanation. Phone calls got me nowhere, emails were auto-generated. So I said fuck you!!!! Really, I said it loud and a lot! I just republished it exactly how it was and waited. I cleared my mind and started on Queened. I edited it and no need for added scenes and rewrites. It was how I wanted it. I published it with no problem on both sites and it loaded within 5 hours.

Seven days later… waiting… waiting… waiting…. I started on Checkmate. I said FUCK YOU again when I saw it still said ‘in review’ for Jaded with the black-balled Jaded beneath it. I emailed them. 5 minutes later it was publishing. I almost pissed my pants. I didn’t want to cheer thinking that it would fuck it up somehow. So I yelled YAY a lot and knocked on my end table while my mom said, “I told you it’d work out alright.” And she was laughing at me… She may have even rolled her eyes a little bit too…

Checkmate… again…. I would get frustrated. I had this great outline. I knew the story in everyone’s point of view. But I would work so hard my mind would melt. 70k in 4 and a half days. I’d take a break and read or sleep. I get a few hours here and there since my mind wants to write to empty its contents. I’ve lost weight, a lot of weight because typing hands can’t put food to your mouth. My typing hands are taped up and my wrists are splinted. It hurts so bad that by age 35 I’m going to look like an old crone.

The weirdest thing happens… Restraint becomes popular in the beginning of November. It freaked me out. I was making money. Not a whole lot, but enough that this really constitutes as paying profession. I could see a future of independence and it scared me. I’ve been with my parents and then my husband and back to my parents since birth. I could really get a life… One I want… I am scared shitless. So all 6 books are selling, selling well. *Knock on wood*

Out of fear and the daunting deadlines, I froze. I couldn’t write. I was blocked. I read 20 books in a week with no sleep. I’d write 70k in a few days and then do the the reading thing… This is my present. This is what my life has become.

I sit here finding a compromise of writing 10k or so many scenes a day. When I get frustrated I open the book I’m reading and go back in a few hours. I started this the day before yesterday because I need rules or I’ll go insane. Last night I read a few chapters and went to sleep. It’s the first time in a while. Today I feel like shit. Migraine, hands and wrists are killing me, dizzy with a cloudy mind, and eyes that randomly roll around in my head. My outline is almost completed. The finish line is in sight.

Checkmate should be finished by Sunday night or Monday, depending on if I freak the fuck out again and freeze or if I get into a book and can’t stop reading. Hell, I have 6 episodes of the Vampire Diaries, Arrow, and two Revenges that are screaming from the DVR. They must wait and I pray no one erases them. All hell will be had! While Checkmate is off to the betas (who have a fast job ahead of them) I’ll fix Good Girl.

This has been a long, torturous journey to breathe light into Queen. My two book release of D&D was child’s play compared to a 3 book Queen and the debut of Good Girl, and formatting an omnibus edition.

Jaded and Queened are available for purchase from Amazon and B&N for $3.99. & not without great difficulty. Jaded was a week-long stress-fest. I can finally breathe and just do what I love- write my ass off!
I’m hard at work editing and writing Checkmate- the conclusion of Regina Regal’s (Queen) story arch. Judging by the length of my plot outline, Checkmate will be near the 150K word mark. It parallels the first 4 books in the M&M of Restraint series. You will see events through the perspective of Queen- questions will be answered and motivations will be revealed. I project Checkmate’s release in early December, possibly earlier depending on how hard the muse pushes me to work. & my muse is a wicked Mistress. She flexes her wrist and whips me into compliance and uses lack of sleep as a fitting punishment. She also denies me food and fun. But my stressed-ass is tens of pounds lighter thanks to her.

Upon the release of Checkmate, I will format and release the three titles (Jaded, Queened, Checkmate) in an omnibus edition, Queen Mistress of Restraint. You may wish to wait and read the 3-in-1 edition, unless you’re like me- extremely impatient.

Next up after Queen’s titles is the Debut book in a new series, Good Girl- Playroom. Good Girl will be released mid-December (depending on Checkmate’s progress) I have a few added scenes and revisions to edit- 3 days to a week, tops.

After these books are completed I’m taking a break. By the end of December, I will have written and released 9 books. That is 700,000 published words in 8 months. I’ve almost written a million words in less than a year. That is a conservative estimate considering the amount of scenes I’ve deleted, rewritten, and the unfinished manuscripts of 4 books I have waiting in the wings. I am tuckered out. I’ve learned so much and that knowledge has strengthened me, not only as a storyteller, but as a writer. I’ve made errors in judgement and I’ve also released books too early before their stories commulated into what it was meant to be. Lessons learned, risks taken, and I’m smarter for the lot of it.

Break or no break… It’s doubtful I can go more than a week or two without working… So my list of works most likely will be completed as follows:
Chrysalis (Lilies #1) Urban Fantasy
Untitled (Playroom #2) Erotic Romance

or Shattered(tentative title) (Atticus Fox #1) Genre to be determined

King (M&M of Restraint #8) Dark Erotica

After that is anyone’s guess- it’s entirely up to my muse. She demanded I write a new book out of nowhere mid-Checkmate. That’s how Good Girl was created! So we’ll see what she comes up with next.

Readers: Make sure you’ve read the most up-to-date version of the 1st 4 books in the series. The top of the title page informs you whether or not you are. It will have the first publication date followed by the revision date. It is imperative that you read the revised editions if you’ve previously read the originals. The storyline drastically changes during Dexter and Dalton. This would be one of the harsh lessons I’ve learned over the past few months. My growth demanded that I change Restraint, Unleashed, Dexter, and Dalton. I apologize for the inconvenience and the reread, but it is for the readers benefit. It’s a much more enjoyable, informative, thrilling, and titillating read. I’ve Easter-egged the shit out of those books, so a reread will be filled with AH-HA! moments. Easter egg, for those who aren’t familiar with gamer-speak, is hints/clues/and awesomeness for those in the know and if you’re like me, it gives you a massive amount of foreshadowing!

If you don’t have the most recent edition and you purchased the book thru amazon or B&N an update is available for your downloading pleasure.

I am thankful that I’m fortunate enough to do what I love and earn a living off of it. November is the month of thanks. I am thankful to my parents for keeping me safe and secure, my friends for keeping me sane and happy, and my muse for allowing me to live my dream by creating a universe from the ether. I live my passion and no matter the obstacles and roadblocks that are in my way, or the stress I put upon myself, I get to live my dream and if that isn’t happiness, I don’t know what is…

My muse is cracking her whip… back to working and listening to music and that’s just what she loves!

Dexter’s revised 2nd edition will be available on B&N and Amazon within the next 12-72 hours.

A note to readers:

I found a handful of minor errors with Dexter, so in that regard it hasn’t changed. And I was thankful that I finally could write and read without having to fix my atrocious writing and deal with my bad habits. I was pleased to see that my growth was evident in Dexter. However, I found the storyline too light and I am at the advantage of knowing how Queen’s books play out as they parallel Restraint, Unleashed, Dexter, & Dalton. Dexter is now completely different storyline wise. It is the storyline that continues to flow throughout Queen. When I began Queen’s books she changed the direction of the storyline drastically. This is why I went back to the beginning and fortified the foundation of the series by editing all the books that are currently in release. I’m sure this will push my deadlines into December for the 5 book release I have scheduled. But it is for the best, especially for the reader.

Dalton:

I’m changing up Dalton’s journey as well. If you’ve read his story, don’t fret. He and his guy will not be messed with- tweaked. I think the readers will enjoy the direction I’ve taken Dexter and Dalton. *crosses fingers*

If you are a new reader. Please do NOT purchase a copy of Restraint, Unleashed, Dexter, or Dalton unless the top of the blub says it’s the 2nd edition. Amazon and B&N are different, but if you look at Amazon, the book page will state it as the 2nd edition in the list of information. B&N does not allow this distinction. So I added it to the top of the book’s blurb on both sites.

As always, I love hearing from readers. Email me: thewickedwriter@yahoo.com