I can relate. So much so, I don't know what to say except keep trying. It does come to mind that I'm usually open for about anything to do. When it comes to doing stuff that should be fun, I try to find a way to say yes rather then no. even though i'm not a fun person (what I think), I have to notice people still ask me to do stuff, because I'm willing. Sometimes i'm just going through the motions, but once in while I do ok. It's been a process that has helped me somewhat.

Boy it's hard to respond to these posts without getting lost and begin telling your whole life story! I've had to delete and re-write this post a few times just to condense it and stay somewhat on topic.

I'm sure I too stopped doing things I enjoyed shortly after my abuse began(age 8 to 14). I was a successful "selling" child artist, my paintings were selling in NYC galleries and then I just stopped.

We moved away shortly after and no one noticed I had stopped painting, not even myself. I think my mother noticed but she was busy with work/divorce/her own issues and she did her best but it wasn't enough. She also had no idea I was being sexually abused (not until recently, 38 years later)I should have told her sooner. I tried but it didn't come out right. My father was living far away and not helpful so I didn't think to tell him, even though I probably should have.

I'm getting off topic so I'll stop now and...I want to shout out, to yell...IF ANY KID IS READING THIS, DON'T WAIT TELL A RESPONSIBLE ADULT IF YOU'RE BEING ABUSED AND DO IT RIGHT AWAY!

Now 40 years later I've slowly started to dabble more with art again. I think finally telling my distracted family (and a few trusted freinds) has allowed me to take a risk and create some art. If anything it is pleasant to focus on small art projects.

Human - minor hijack here - would you be interested and willing to psot some of your art if we can get permission to do so? i would and i'll bet others would too. I think that would be a great thing for many to do - like the poetry forum! don't want to push but just throw out the idea...

Lee

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"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

Guys don't want to hijack either but there is part of board called Images, Art and Poetry but visible for members of Male Survivor only.

Ed I think that you are certainly fun guy, I'll always bet on that !From my pants on this issue I can say that I need to find way how more to relax my self, and especially related to socialization and meeting people. I've found building self esteem as almost the most important goal in my recovery...Changing my passivity into proactive and affirmative way of thinking is something very challenging for me; I need to move some additional hurdles that I've put on my own path...

Those are my problematic parts put in short and I'll have to work hard and for long time to make some big progress there. I just don't want to live some lame life. I want all my capacities working with full power. I need feeling fulfilled and satisfied. I'll take what ever is needed to gain that even I've been scared of some things....Those are my thoughts on all this...Be Well brothers!

I relate to your post. I was an expressive kid involved in the arts and I stopped doing it, too. It cut off a HUGE part of me. I did cut it off because I was afraid of being diminished for doing it and also I didn't want any attention on me so that I could avoid people finding out what secrets were running my life. I wanted to avoid any and all scrutiny so I did only what I needed to in order to avoid prying eyes.

You picking up your art again is inspiring to me and others, which is great. Glad you wrote about it.

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And more, much more, the heart may feel, Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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