Last year Volatile Games denied us Victory on a mere "number of goals scored" technicality. This year, when the action kicks off on June 12th, we will make no such conceit, not only because of a stringent training regime which may have raised our foot-to-ball skills by as much as 7%, but also because Volatile, conveniently for them, are in a completely different group from us. Connect Entertainment, Future Games, Imagine Publishing, Industry Allstars, and Koch Media are less fortunate in this area, as they all face the unenviable prospect of being the first ones to experience just how utterly victorious we can be.

Lastly, before we all go back to practicing our 14-minute choreographed victory ballet, there are rumours out there spreading the notion that the tournament is all for a good cause, with £1,500 going to the charity of the winning team's choice. Let us clarify that these are False Untrue Lie Untruths. It's all about the Victory, and the associated Victoriousness.