A new survey has revealed that a quarter of men between 20 and 30 are so
self-conscious about their bodies that they prefer to have sex with the
lights off

“Hang on a second, darling. Forgive me but, before we get down to it, I must just… switch the lights off. Oh, and you wouldn’t mind shutting the curtains would you? After all, these summer evenings are getting lighter, even if I’m not!”

Casanova, eat your bleeding heart out. This is foreplay, 21st century-style.According to a new surveyconducted by Diet Chef (a food delivery service tailored for those keen to shed their excess weight), a quarter of men aged between 20 and 30 are so self-conscious about their bodies that they prefer to have sex with the lights turned off – as well as the woman, presumably.

The survey makes for dispiriting reading. Some 64 per cent of the 1,077 men questioned said that their stomach – I believe beer belly is the scientific term, chaps – is the part of their body of which they are most ashamed. Meanwhile 53 per cent worry that their mates have more appealing abs, pecks, biceps, triceps or any other muscle you care to mention that, in the overwhelming majority of cases, lies dormant under a duvet of white flesh.

What I find so terribly sad about these statistics is that they reveal just how obsessed men have become with their image. Simply not caring about your appearance was once a thoroughly manly quality, and one that women, we're told, celebrated. And by God, if sex was mentioned, the red-blooded male would never have been worrying about blocking out the light. Not unless money was tight and the electricity needed saving. Gentleman, when the moment arrives, there must surely be better things to scramble for than the light switch.

Disappointed though I am, however, I am not entirely surprised by this survey. Amid all the worthy campaigning to get bigger female models on the catwalk and to stop the objectification of women in lads’ magazines, have men and their myriad of image complexities been forgotten? Is it a wonder that men feel inadequate showing off their bodies during sex when a copy of their girlfriend’s Heat magazine lies open on the bedside table displaying the ever popular ‘Torso of the Week’ feature?

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Equally, we never tire of hearing how pornography places women under unrealistic pressures to perform sexually, but what aboutthe negative effect it's having on men? If we’re honest, the expectation to do some of the things that go on in front of those cameras strikes the fear of God into many of us.

In the same way that very few women will ever have the derriere of Beyoncé or the legs of Kate Moss, so I will (probably, though the dream lingers) never have the torso of a chap called Andrew Cooper, the new Diet Coke model, whose six-pack resembles an enormous slab of brown Duplo. But I’ll take my chances that if someone is prepared to get into bed with me, the effect on my stomach of those four pints the previous week will not be a deal breaker.

It is the way that we react to these increased pressures to look a certain way that will define us. Stoically ignoring them, laughing at ourselves and embracing our imperfect appearance is the only way.

Besides, if we all spent too much time in the gym sweating about our physical appearance there would never be any time to meet, as Attenborough might say, a potential partner. That way, we would never have to worry about whether the lights are on or off during sex – but it would be a far more distressing predicament than not having the body of Hercules, I’m sure you’ll agree.