Wrote some about that. Was distraught and everyone was very kind to me. Did not murder anyone like I mentioned I might, but I said some ugly things. I was sorry I’d done that, but I have an ugly side and sometimes he is like that.

Monday:

Slept lots after staying up late. I wore a hat and a black pleather sleeveless jacket. Tights. I think I looked interesting, but it bothers me that my blacks clothes are all different shades. One of the irritating things about black fabric. It fades. Jester said I looked like a goth pirate. (???)

Had a good pre-birthday dinner with he and my family and his mom and dad. Don’t recall the last time I enjoyed myself that much at my own birthday get-together.

Spent some time with Jester and went to see fireworks with he and his parents. Haven’t gone to see fireworks in years…it was a good day.

Tuesday: my birthday!

I slept for maybe four hours, I think. I could not get the printer to work so I could print directions for Jester and I. Then when I went to go to sleep, I kept getting up because I was thirsty or because I remembered something…

Then I could not sleep because the same dark voice that comes out of me and says ugly things had a monologue prepared and I had a bad time of trying to not know what he was and is still saying to me in quiet moments when I’m not distracted by something else…it’s an awful not-quite-dialogue he and I have going on. Like those rocks in the southwest that look like they could fall any which way at any moment. I feel like a little nudge in one direction or another would be enough to put an end to he and I talking at each other and pretending not to listen, but this has not happened yet.

Woke up after all that anyway and got ready to leave for Cedar Point and roller coasters…Jester and I had a pretty good drive there with just some annoying people now and then, and a brief time when we thought we’d lost the directions I’d written down. We drove through some countrified areas and counted graveyards and churches with actual bells in the belltowers.

Roller coasters = awesome. Best one was probably the Maverick, even though some kid vomited all over the side of his car right before they were going to launch and we had to wait a little extra time. I don’t think I really disliked anything we went on…and we rode all but three of the roller coasters and did some other rides as well. Managed to not get much sunburn or faint or anything like that…think I might’ve had a bad reaction to Jester’s sunscreen though…I didn’t use it on my face, but I used it on my arms and legs and when I washed it off when I came home, I had all these itchy red bumps that were still itchy and red most of today. Was super-glad I used my own sunscreen on my face.: /

Made it home just fine after leaving the park…there was a raccoon-coloured kitty waiting by the mailbox when Jester dropped me off. It meowed at me and let me pet it while it rolled around happily in the street…it was a super soft kitty. Looked at its tag, but it didn’t have a name or address, just a rabies vaccination. Eventually, kitty and I went our separate ways and I took a shower and washed twice since the sports sunscreen refused to come off and I really had to scrub to be sure it was gone.

Went to sleep.

Wednesday:

Had a ton of messages on my Facebook wall. Wondered if I was weird for replying to each one individually…I feel like it’s a polite thing to do, but that’s just me.

Went and got my hair changed. I’ve been told that I look like a grownup now, and asked if I’m going to start cross-dressing.

Cross-dressing? Hells yes.

You know me.

Had tacos and cake and some presents, which included a gummy watch for days when I might be messy at work and don’t want to ruin the one Jester gave me, a green shirt with Charlie the Unicorn, a giftcard for books, candy that was “from the pets,” and a white baby blanket to replace the one I have that looks like cobwebs from being on my bed for probably the last 8-10 years.

My grandma wrote me a nice email and I have to write back later…she’s sending me, along with a birthday gift, some news clippings and pictures and a tape (I think?) of stuff from my Great Uncle Sid who used to write and do radio stuff. That’ll be interesting, I think. I don’t honestly know that much about my mom’s side of the family…we weren’t as close with/to them.

Now it’s bedtime. Tomorrow I go to dinner and see a show with Katelyn and her friend, and Friday we’re going to the library to see a group called Harry and The Potters. For serious.