Diary of a Cam-Addict

Exhibitionist, attention-seeker, loner, perfectionist, minx. At any one time I can be some, or all of these things. I am not, however, a professional cam girl, perfect, confident, into meeting people offline or poor.

I am addicted to the novelty of the unseen old man looking at my body and wishing he was 30 years younger; the ego-stroking that comes from a man, woman or couple 1000 miles away telling me they love looking at my naked body, or the greedy pervert wanting to pay me to strip, lick random items, dress-up, allow him to send me gifts, or any one of a million things these people can think of.

Why this past-time? I have an over active imagination; it's always clicking over, and it's usually sexually-based thoughts speeding through. The online world is one of anonymousness, which is perhaps why people get so trapped within its folds and perhaps why my imagination is so interested in running rampant through it. It allows me to stretch out within the un-real world of net-space, and wrap my hands around the bed posts before the imaginary cuffs are clicked into place, leaving me bare and exposed to any eyes that pass my way.

Being an object of desire is one of those rampant, enjoyable, shadowy acts which people like me find irresistible. Sometimes I feel I have no standards when it comes to whom I allow to watch me: men, women, couples... age is no barrier either. Other times I find myself screwing my nose up at certain people and thinking 'Gosh, I'm not even going there!' However, my selections are careful, measured, and the delete button is never far away. As a result of my vigilance I've never needed to knock back a request from a 'guest'; they are matched on needs, desires and kink to match my own. No defecation or similar 'weird' shit. Sorry!

When I turn on my cam I feel naughty, I feel sexy, but certainly I think I feel this way because I am in control, and what I do is because I've allowed it. I've chosen the time, the place, the costume and the viewer/s. However, there are times when this is different and these select times are often the most sexually charged but also the most daunting as they are relatively new to me.

I choose to expose/express myself this way because I can pretend to be someone else, someone much naughtier and saucier than I am in real-life. However, it works more so when it's anonymous. I can't cam for people I know in the real world (say, for a boyfriend). There have been exceptions to this rule, but it usually results (to their disappointment) in things being a lot less risqué and more subdued, although still revealing and generally rude.

Having the complete attention of an audience, no matter how great or small, I feel powerful, lusted after and sexy. They don't care what I do; they just want to watch. They want to be recognised by me in some way; a simple 'hello' with their screen name on it for the rest of the chatters to see I have chosen them, or for me to accept their cam broadcast. They in their own way are seeking the same acceptance/thrill/high/fantasy as I am.

There are other circumstances which add to the experience. For example, something I put closer to prostitution....paid sex shows. When I'm offered money or elaborate/expensive gifts to do the things I love to do for free. When they want me to be bad for them and for no one else and they pay to be able to direct me. When I accept their money or their gifts for that purpose, it has a similar effect in that it makes me feel powerful, but it also makes me feel slightly degraded and takes on other levels of kink and naughtiness that I can't always justify or explain.

The 'paid' show also makes me feel like I'm not in complete control, something which goes against the 'normal' reason for my enjoyment of this particular past-time. But the whole concept of lack of control also turns me on immensely. I have limits of course; having a 'menu' brings back some level of control. But over all they have paid for a service, which I now have to give. A whole new level of kink, but one that is very selective in its offerings.

Some of the things I enjoy are:- baby oil shows (often resulting in a perfectly good pair of panties being ruined), dildos, vibrators, eggs, plugs, costumes, stockings, masks, stretching all my holes wide with my fingers, practising my oral techniques on my toys, hair-removal, boots, spanking, gagging, teasing, slow strips, whips, cuffs, fruit & vegetable delights and others I can't think of right now. Suggest something, I may have done it, but you can never have too many tricks up the proverbial sleeve.

More often than not, paid or free, I'm getting off on this more than you. And when it becomes the other way around, I'll stop.