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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

eight

sometimes in the morning i go and snuggle with avery. those mornings are rare as she is usually already awake before anyone stomping around yelling in her room.

today i awoke to silence and crept in to see my birthday girl. how peaceful she was there in her bed with her new duvet cover (no more pink) -so cozy and so asleep. i had stayed in bed a bit longer than i should have and we were running behind for summer school. i tired to rouse her and nothing. she just shifted ever so slightly and kept her hands still and her eyes closed. i whispered to her "happy birthday goose" and let her stay.

i went to get nolan up and got my coffee and went back in to her. still so at peace and after one more failed attempt to wake her i decided to get in the covers with her. we could be late today.

nolan then came in so excited for her big day started to shake her and yell happy birthday! she opened her eyes and as the happy birthday wishes started to settle in she smiled so sweetly. a dimple popped when i mentioned we would open some presents tonight and have a family dinner celebration with cake on sunday.

i cant believe she is eight. i love watching her grow up. i love being able to still see that newborn face that has changed so much but really hasnt changed at all. here i sit on this same couch the night before she was born and many days and nights after with her on my lap (time for a new couch) and can see so clearly all that she has been through. all that we have watched slip away and the triumphs she has shared with us. but, i can now look back and see more good than bad.

and still...it has been over 5 years since i have heard avery say "mommy". i have no idea if she loves the new duvet cover or wants the old one back or if she even cares. i cant tell you if she has a favorite tv show or if she is dying to go to a movie. i want to know her better, know her secrets and wishes and hear her tell me im annoying or that im embarrassing.

one day.

for now, she is eight. and ill take the morning snuggles, the smiles and the dimples. forever.