Spurious Awards Of The Week

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Doctor Who, Torchwood, Total Recall, X-Men, Doom, Darth Vader and Darth Vapour are all up for awards this week…

COVER VERSION OF THE WEEK

Wonder if he does requests? This has even received the official thumbs up from Steven Moffat. .

CRACK OF THE WEEK

So many thoughts come to mind…* very few of them involve the worsd “awesome” or “jawdropping” or, “Well that was worth waiting nine episodes of Torchwood for.” (*Most unprintable, but in a Carry On Captain kinda vein.) .

WEIRDEST VIDEO COLLECTION OF THE WEEK

Right, so when exactly was Doctor Who ’s “Night Terrors” set? George was born in 2002, and is now eight which means it must be either 2010 or 2011. Simple, right? Erm, then why was dad Alex listening to a TV announcer talking about how Rolf Harris and Kate Humble had presented a show about clever pets the previous Saturday? That was Test Your Pet which was broadcast in 2004. Okay, so maybe Alex was watching something he recorded on video in 2004? Except that it sounded like the local news. Who records – let alone watches six years later – the local news? Unless, Alex has a secret crush on the weather girl. His wife was out, after all, and… erm, let’s not go there. Of course, throwing yet another spanner into the works is the fact that the flats themselves all seem to have interior decor stuck steadfastly in the ’70s. Not since Love Thy Neighbour has some much beige been seen on TV… and we include Life On Mars in that generalisation. Either George’s perception filter is more powerful than anyone realises or Mark Gatiss was recreating his childhood. .

MOST IMPRACTICAL EXTERNAL LIFT OF THE WEEK

Or maybe it’s some new kind of tower block window cleaning rig? Ah, no, it’s actually the Total Recall remake being filmed in Toronto. Another clip for you below…

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FRANKLY POINTLESS REPEAL OF THE WEEK

Teutonic youth rejoice! 14 after it was banned for sale to minors in Germany, the original Doom (and it’s sequel Doom II ) have now been given a reprieve. German authorities have now decided that its power to corrupt young minds has diminished because much more realistic games are readily available for children to buy. In other words, it’s okay to show humans being blown to bits if the graphics are crap. The Federal Department for Media Harmful to Young Persons (Bundesprufstelle) have decided that Doom is unlikely to be bought by children anyway and is now “mainly of historical interest”. Clearly of less historic interest – to Germany at least – is the American version on Doom II , which remains banned in the country because it incorporates two levels from Wolfenstein 3D that make use of Nazi symbols including swastikas.

MORE SPURIOUS AWARDS ON THE NEXT PAGE… .

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LET’S COIN A PHRASE OF THE WEEK

Everybody’s going steampunk crazy at the moment, with gears’n’gasket versions of just about everything turning up on the internet (we’re waiting for the steampunk Jammy Dodger). So we’re here to officially title this trend MEMEPUNK (and if you want to send us steampunk biscuits, be our guest). Anyway, this was created by Jack Sephton and was on display at The Greatest Steampunk Exhibition at the Kew Bridge Steam Museum in West London (but sadly no longer). May the forge be with you. .

TIMEY-WIMEY STUFF OF THE WEEK

Thanks to IGN for pointing out everything that’s screwed-up with the X-Men: First Class time-line. .

THE NOT-THE-MARTY-MCFLY-ONES TRAINERS OF THE WEEK

While Nike fans have got some new Back To The Future trainers to salivate over, Adidas fans could end up looking like right Muppets. .

THE NOW-MANDATORY PORTAL AWARD OF THE WEEK

Portal 2 socks. Wonder how they’d look with Kermit trainers? .

JUST WRONG OF THE WEEK

The internet can be a weird and disturbing place sometimes, but we can safely say we’ve seen nothing weirder or more disturbing (this week) than this truly unsettling Mass Effect 2 scene, corrupted by one of the most unholy creations to ever step into the digital realm. We’re not sure what’s more worrying, the fact it was created in the first place, or that it’s clocked over 43,000 views on YouTube at the time of writing.

We frankly have no idea what the thinking was behind this one (maybe it’s a Picasso Dalek?) but it was spotted at Dragon Con in Atlanta last week. The one below embraces the Richard III hump Daleks in a big way…