Archive for Rants & Ramblings at ECR

Learning to Live Again: Could you do it?

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Often times, its one event that changes our lives. One unplanned, unpredicted life altering event that changes your entire life’s plan. As I sit here, pondering my own life’s plan, I’m also thinking about the difference of life stages, and these types of catastrophic events. I think in these points, everyone reaches a point of “tired.” Until you live with major change, major trauma, major illness—you just won’t understand. It’s at these points though, where we have to find the reasons we’ll carry on to live again. Being so close to a number of my family members growing up, I can pin point with most of them where they “lost” their path. Fell off, or were completely pushed off by forces they couldn’t even imagine.

For my Grandpa C., one wrong house working accident rendered him chair bound for the last 15 years of his life. See, he was taking off, or maybe it was putting up, storm windows in his house. Big, huge, sheets of glass, almost as tall as his 6ft self. One slipped off, and cut his shin, muscles, tendons…all of it, down the back of one of his legs, to the bone. Being that he was older when he did it, stubborn as hell, and bound to do it all “his way,” he never really recovered. Never did the correct rehab, never found the happiness he needed to live again. With my Grandma C., breaking her arm started it off; and then letting her diet slip, and not taking care of herself enough pushed her into the nursing home, and everything else. I thought we were giving her, doing for her, what she would need to push on…but it just wasn’t enough.

Now, I’ve also had grandparents who have had issues out of their control. Lung cancer, and ALS, took a Grandpa and a Grandma, but up until the end, they remained as positive, and hopeful as they could. Even with body failure, complete reliance on loved ones, family drama hanging heavy in the air, and fate looming daily…my last visits with them were full of smiles, and laughs at old memories. And now, my poor Grandma, being assaulted to blindness in a home invasion, at 80 years old. She’s gone through multiple surgeries, multiple moves, super hard days and nights, and we’re only weeks in. She shows more drive than some people my age do when their biggest worry is how many pounds they’ve lost, or how they can’t wait to have a break from their kids.

It all comes down to your own internal flame. Your voice. Your strength. Whether the events that come up in your life are planned, or happen in the most tragic of ways, it’s all in how you handle it. If someone in your life, an elderly family member, or friend, has something like this happen…do what you can to be there. Even if it’s just checking in by phone call. Don’t let them get lost in their own thoughts, or drown in the unproductive, burdensome, thoughts of pity. Even with tragedy, life can still go on. But you really have to want it to, and sometimes, you may be just what your loved one needs to take the first steps back into living.

Feelings, Time & Life’s Stupid Curveballs.

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So far this year, we’ve lost three friends to cancer, all different types. We’ve met more people with life altering autoimmune diseases, and developed more of our own. Each of these people we’ve lost, and met, have had some great push in either our lives, or our family member’s lives. Now, we find ourselves wandering through years of memories, seeking any kind of comfort we can knowing that now at least they’re at rest, and hopefully at peace. These events have really made us stop and think about how we’re all tied to the strongest emotions of love and grief, all being tied to the bigger ideas of life and time. Sometimes “healthy” people have different opinions on these topics as that of a “sick” person. In our experience, this has been true.

Below you’ll find thoughts on love, grief, time, and life, including the perspective on things coming from someone whose life will be cut short due to incurable illness of any kind. You’ll find our perspective in italic’s, as it seemed fitting because you may find it a bit sideways, sometimes. It might be hard to understand to some why losing friends and loved ones hit us more deeply than you think it should, but I can tell you that when this happens, it only reminds us of our ticking time clock, and marked time left with you. It makes us face the reality that sometimes we try to ignore.

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Grief.

It’s the tears you cry, and the heavy empty feeling inside of your gut. It’s the wonder of what could have been, and the memories that seem like they’re only hours old. It’s the longing you feel to talk to them just one more time, and the times you forget they’re gone, and dial their number. It’s the rush of emotion that comes out so fast, you have to cover your mouth to not let the sudden sobs escape your lips….because deep down you know it’s unavoidable. It’s the grown up feelings dawning on you, that life is the most beautiful, unpredictable, and sometimes unfair disaster you’ve ever seen. And one that you have to live through, every day. It’s knowing that our time is truly marked, and wondering what you can do to make your time worthwhile. ~ It’s what we feel when we wake up knowing we can’t get out of bed. It’s the sadness we feel in knowing we can’t keep our plans with you, and the darkness we feel being alone again. It’s the feeling deep inside, knowing that our illness has shifted, and we’ll have to tell you that. It’s the deep feeling of our fate, and knowing what we’re fated to medically.

Love.

It’s the most painful, wonderful, warming, damning feeling of them all, for us all. Without love, would we have grief? As humans, we go through life seeking the company of others in friends, family, and lovers. We grow dependent on their support, and loose ourselves in memories of our good times past. Love makes us bend over backward to help “our” people, when they’re in need. Love hurts, and breaks spirits and hearts. The more time we spend with our nearest and dearest, the more than you’ll feel the pull and connection. There’s no denying that you’d do anything for the ones you love. It’s human nature. ~ Love is what we become dependent on when we’re down. The warmth you can bring to me by simply being around me, and supporting me, does more than you’ll ever understand. We understand that loving us is sometimes difficult, as we can be more than a challenge daily. We hope that we show you, tell you, and make you feel how much we love you, too.

Time.

It’s the second hand on the clock, running around as if it’s in a sprint to the end. Hours disappear, even if you’re just laying around, watching the world fly by. Your infants grow to teenagers before you can blink, and middle age sneaks in on you regardless of what you do to try and stop it. When you’re young, you want to be older to “experience life.” When you’re old, you wish for more time to live, and love. You’ll surely find a “rut” at some point in your aging life. Not necessarily a bad rut, but a groove you get too comfortable with. You may just go on with the same routine for fifteen years, working away, and living life. One day you’ll wake up from this “status quo” coma, and realize you’ve just wasted away the years doing something, or being with someone, you don’t really like. It’s then you’ll find yourself longing to take back the years, and desiring a “re-do”. I do hope you don’t experience regret for your bad decisions on wasting your time…. Because regret doesn’t help anything, and only makes your grief worse. ~ Time to us to a literal ticking clock. As long as we stay as busy as we can, and keep our minds active, the clicking noise is muted. Once our brains settled, and focus on our illness, our disability, the ticking resumes, and we begin to wonder about the end. Dwelling on such an event is not a pleasant thing, and normally leads to our grief levels rising. We can’t help it though, as time has become the biggest part of our lives. It’s the one thing we can no longer guarantee, or promise to anyone, including ourselves. We have a new appreciation for the little things, and seek to spend as much time with you as you’d allow. Time hurts, especially when we can hear the clicking of the second hand. Our flares of illness make the clicking louder than ever, and we can become lost easily. It’s these times we turn to you, in hope that your love can pull us back from the darkness, and back to the light of life.

Life.

It’s every single memory from the time you can remember, until the time that you forget. It’s the experiences that make us who we are. It’s every situation you’ve ever gone through, and how you’ve handled the outcome, and learning experience. Life is the personal growth you seek in finding yourself, and what you want out of life. Life is not only what you can do for others, but what you willingly choose to do for no other benefit but theirs. Life is an experience with no sure expiration, but a definite end. Life is finding the happiness you need to smile every day, be supportive, and productive member of society. ~ Life is what we fight with, daily. Our daily lives are riddled with both defeat, and triumph. We hope there are more triumphs, but learn not to stop for anything. We know and understand better that our decisions today, will greatly affect our tomorrows. We use every ounce of our energy getting through each day, attempting to live as normally as possible. Nights are terrible, as we rarely have energy left for anything. The curveballs really hurt our progress, but we have no choice to face them head on.

Sometimes in life, we don’t always get to choose the outcomes, obstacles, or problems we face. Sometimes, we’re just going along, living life to the fullest, and we’re suddenly knocked back down by catastrophe, or illness. Sometimes we learn that our bodies aren’t well, and are fighting to function to survive. It’s these times like these that time, love, life, and grief surface. It’s these times more than ever, when faced with our own mortality, everything sort of stops. Time freezes, and you wonder how much longer you can do it. You have to remind yourself, sometimes by the hour, that the few good days you’ll have, are far more important than the bad. Life stops, and refocused around appointments, doctors, medicines, and day to day living. You do everything you can to connect with your spouse, your children, friends, and family. Parts of you die knowing that some relationships may be beyond repair, and you know there’s no fix. Love becomes a heavy weight puling and pushing us around, but is needed more than ever. The weight pulls on us, knowing that we’re carrying people with us on our journey back to health, or at least a plateau of living. We’re weighted in knowing that we’ll be leaving you sooner than later, and that fact is what makes things harder to face. Our love for you is un-measurable, unending, un-defying, and more passionate than ever… but sometimes we’re lost in the cloud of grief. Grief for what was, and grief for the normalcy that we may never see again.

There is such a fine line that connects everything together, that it’s impossible to plan ahead to how the events of last year will truly affect today, but I can assure you…. Every move you make matters. Every moment spent. Every breath taken. Every time they laugh, cry, giggle, or learn something new. Rise to each defeat, and unexpected challenge. It’s ensuring that you don’t infringe on someone else’s human rights, because truly—do you have extra time to spend on them? Take care of yourself, and your people. Love those who need it, and try to be understanding. Have patience when it’s warranted, and stop hiding behind fake personalities and material things. Be yourself. Love yourself. Do unto others as you want done to you. Most of all, just live and don’t ever stop.

2014: Safety, Health, and Living!

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2014 will bring much more to Elderly Care Resources! We’ll have more reviews of products geared towards giving seniors and the elderly more freedom to continue living fully. We’ll cover more medicine related news and controversy, and of course, cover more on the new developments on Obamacare. We’ll soon be linking to our new Facebook page, too! We’ll also cover more on living…having fun…getting our there, and experiencing life as long as you can. Happiness. Light. Love.

This year, instead of taking care of my Grandma, who left us in 2013, we’re expanding our circle of helping the elderly in our community! I know there’s no way I’ll ever be able NOT to help, after going through so many struggles with my own Grandma over the years, and I was pleasantly surprised by my children’s instant love for my ideas. To start, we’ll be volunteering monthly at our local food bank, and making lunches for the elderly in their lunch program. We’ll be making regular visits to our own elderly family members, and making sure they have what they need, and getting them out of the house more. We’ll be relocating sometime this year, and will be closer to a new nursing home, and plan to invade it with our kid-made goodies, and love.

We can’t wait for 2014, and to see just what this year will hold! Almost anything is an improvement from last year!!

Ramblings #1, College & My Hairy Dog Beast

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I’m sitting here, prepping notebooks, printing syllabuses, and getting my ducks in a row. Yes, my ducks. I started back at college today….finishing up my Business Management degree. I’m already half way done with it, so it shouldn’t take me too long to complete….right? I mean, I only run a household, run multi-self owned businesses, have 3 children that I home school (Plus my favorite M girls, too) and ALL of the extra things that come along with that… It probably doesn’t help that I’m a clean food junkie, and can’t stop creating recipes for the cookbook that I’m also working on…. That my publishing company GoodTimes Publications will publish when it’s done. Oh, and not to mention my second novel….working on that, too. The BLOGS! OH my dear Lord in Heaven…THE BLOGS! Now, I also didn’t give any credit to the ole body, and you all know now how she works, or DOESN’T work, rather…. So I’ll have to keep some extra forks around to deal with her flares, whenever that may be. Extra Forks? Wait a minute. How many forks am I going to need now? Do I have enough forks to even start with?
Ooohp, hang on… my Darling #1 has paged me to his workstation. *steps away from computer*

And I’m back. I was also stopped by Darling #3 to tell me how much she loves the grapes we picked off the vine yesterday. Darling #1 was working great, thankfully, today. Working steadily in his online classes…just as someone else I know should be doing…
Above were all my random thoughts, well, some of them. Sometimes they fly so fast that I can’t even hear/see/read them all. There are things I didn’t list on my “chore list” above, too. Like my dog…who will be having surgery this week. Turns out she’s not so healthy. So, we’re getting her as healthy as we can, and treating her like the Queen Bitch she truly is. Really, that’s sort of a joke. See, this beast of mine is the dominant animal in our “zoo.” The boss. The outspoken, often pushy, sometimes frighteningly scary girl. But to us, of course…she’s just a big hairy baby. So, QB and I have a big day this week. I’ve got my fingers crossed that everything comes back reasonably normal. Thanks again to my parents for helping our with this. We are more than appreciative! And QB says when you visit, she’ll jump on you, try to knock you over, and then pretend that she’s a baby and sit on your lap.

Back to school. No, really. I have to click back over to the other web page now, and write a whole paragraph about myself. Introducing myself to the class. Yikes. I’ll try to limit it to a paragraph….Mmmm Hmm. Bet you’re asking why I’m doing it if it’s extra stress? Because I love learning, and I LOVE being the best at things. Perfectionist? Maybe a little. And being that I do have my own businesses, that degree will be a beauty to have on the wall. (Not that education isn’t as great or anything.) And I want my kids to see just how much hard work does pay off, and how possible dreams really are. And then the hubs and I are one step closer to opening our own school/pool bar/adult toy&education. HA. Alright, alright…it’s time. No turning back… let’s keep that shiny GPA at a 4.0.