The quick hit

In this misbegotten sequel, Adam Sandler and friends try to re-ignite their old partying spirit on their kids' last day of school, leading to a big blow-out at Sandler's place and jokes about every possible bodily fluid.

Grade: D+

"Grown Ups 2" delivers exactly what it's been advertising in trailers and on talk shows: grubby low-comic escapism. Excretory products fuel the humor and jiggle shots supply the titillation for an hour and half in a cozy New England suburb where ordinary guys and gals lead the life of Riley. Here it's still safe to prank or be pranked – even if you're a cop – and everybody knows your name except for obnoxious college kids who look down on townies.

The movie is flush with selections from the PG-13 "family comedy" menu. Gas or fluid spouts from every available orifice, starting with a gag about a urinating deer and ending with a running joke about a "burp-snart" (you'll just have to use your imagination). Kids stuff cheese curls up a drugged-out, semi-conscious school bus driver's nose. (He takes one out and eats it.) Bouncy cheerleaders in midriff-baring costumes put on a community car wash.

Wives salivate over their buff exercise instructor. Husbands ogle their daughters' sexy dance teacher. (Actually, April Rose is billed as "Hot Dance Teacher.") At a lakeside end-of-semester beer bash, ripped frat boys, led by the unbilled Taylor Lautner, go all "Porky's" on our good-buddy heroes – Adam Sandler's Lenny Feder, Kevin James' Eric Lamonsoff, Chris Rock's Kurt McKenzie and David Spade's Marcus Higgins – and force them to leap nude off a 35-foot rock. It's all supposed to be wholesome, all-American fun, because in the end, everyone returns to hearth and home except, of course, those nasty college kids.

Here's what passes for a story this time out: Lenny has moved back from Hollywood (where he was a super-agent), his designer wife Roxanne (Salma Hayek) has opened a boutique, Eric owns an auto repair shop and Kurt is a cable guy. If Marcus has a job, it sped right by me, but it doesn't really matter because not one of them does any work. Everyone is celebrating the last day of school and taking it as a holiday – a half-day for the kids, a whole day for most adults. It culminates in a 1980s party at the Feders' palatial house. Both Rock's Kurt and Tim Meadows' Malcolm show up as Prince.

The film is partly "Life Lessons for Dummies." Lenny must get behind Roxanne's determination to have a fourth child as well as teach his younger son how to combat bullying. Eric must stop hiding from his wife (Maria Bello) at his mother's house. Marcus must man up to being a dad to a hulking lad he fathered a decade and a half ago. And Kurt – well, Kurt doesn't have to do anything as long as he provides Chris Rock with a chance to riff on the only funny lines. (He refers to an obese Caucasian bully as "white Precious.")

The film is mostly an exhausted, middle-aged, family-values version of "This is the End," with Sandler functioning as the host. He surrounds himself with 16 former "Saturday Night Live" members, stand-ups from venerable Norm Crosby to funky Nick Swardson (who, as the bus driver, spends most of the film lying down), and athletes like Shaquille O'Neal and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. The cast is like a cross between a Friars Club roast and weekend programming in a man cave.

Everyone does shtick, including the leads. James' Eric is so huge that he requires a fist-full of five-hour energy drinks to get going. Spade's Marcus is so scrawny and cowardly that he needs the protection of his latest lover – a hyper-masculine female bodybuilder, "Beefcake Kitty" (Kris Murrell). Sadler shows his enduring love for his wife by setting off his first successful burp-snart. This dubious achievement is Sandler's greatest coup in "Grown Ups 2."

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