Apple’s Cook: Call Him ‘Sideshow Dave’

Cook vs Einhorn — Cage Match! In his deliberate, Southern gentlemanly way, Tim Cook slammed hedge fund manager David Einhorn. No, the Apple CEO didn’t throw in a “mic drop” or use the eff or “B” words when referencing the “activist investor,” but the message was absolutely clear and one can only hope Einhorn was in the audience for his comeuppance.

In a nutshell, Tim Cook’s mission was to pour cold water — nasty fluid with “chunks” — all over hedge fund manager David Einhorn’s effort (a.k.a. Prop 2), which includes a lawsuit, to force Apple to create and award preferred stock:

I find it bizarre we find ourselves being sued for doing something that’s good for shareholders. It’s a silly sideshow, honestly. I think it would be a lot better use of funds to donate that time and money to a worthy cause. You’re not gonna see us do campaign mailing, you’re not gonna see a “yes on 2” in my front yard. This is a waste of shareholder money, it’s a distraction and it’s not a seminal issue for Apple.

Hmm, “Sideshow Dave” has certain poetic ring to it. But golly gosh gee whiz Tim, why don’t you loosen up and really tell us what you think of Einhorn?

Cook also had a few choice words for Android and, in general, analysts.

That said, it was really fun listening to a focussed and bitchy, in a southern gentlemanly way, Tim Cook just laying into the company’s critics. Now, imagine the words Steve Jobs, in his office with the door closed, might have used to describe Einhorn…