The Astonishing Tale of Archibald's Reaction To the Death of Amy Winehouse

Updated on February 15, 2014

Basement Mania

THE ASTONISHING TALE OF ARCHIBALD'S REACTION TO THE DEMISE OF AMY WINEHOUSE

Everything is fine (Monday, Tuesday) Elderberry wine (Wednesday, Thursday) She has taken up with god I have had to quit my job Russell's taken up with Rob Martin works for 'Rent-a-Mob'

Fridays are a bore (the days no longer) Linger as before (the pain grows stronger) Saturday and Sunday comes Now I know the week is done Alcoholism has begun I'll just have another one

I roll a cigarette (small and light it) Up with no respect (at all for my lungs) Mother died 3 years ago It's hard when you're alone you know Nostalgia is a bitter blow Nowhere much for me to go

Dawn crashes into my room Causing proverbial gloom How can I give you my time What once I had is not mine But what can I do If not follow you Where are you now

Dawn crashes into my head On this desultory bed How can I give you my trust My iron lung is covered in rust Yeah, but what can I do If not follow you Where are you now

Does it really matter to you Should it really matter to me If I was to say I love you so Would I be just living a dream

I tremble as I look into your eyes Intensity of passion runs high For one kiss from you I'd give the world But stop me if ever I try

What if I should ask you to touch Maybe you would ask me to leave In a little while my heart would break Without your trusted friendship I'll die

It matters to me It matters to me

Everything is fine (Hunky Dory) Loganberry wine (end of story) Afternoon or matinee Life is just a cabaret Tomorrow blends with yesterday Dictated by my take-home pay

Just across the milky way

Kitten On Your Doorstep

Archibald the Music Fan

Everything is fine (bright and breezy) Londonderry wine (nice and sleazy) She's been gone a little while She's always been so versatile A mini-dress and half a smile I should have run a country mile

Archie was a lonely man Archibald from no-man's land He never had no friends He could relate to Archie had a steady job His steady hand did heavy slog But he never had no friends He could connect to

He said

Perhaps in 25 years time The house I'm buying will be mine Until that day I guess I'll stay Plain old Archibald

Archie was a lonely man Archibald the slaughterman He only killed the animals discreetly A serious aim with a lethal bolt Perfect pace for the final jolt And the bodies he would always lay out neatly

He said

Perhaps one day I will be free To find a life that's good for me Until that time I guess I'll be fine Killing as Archibald

Archie took a shot at fame He bought a guitar He changed his name He never really knew he had it in him He loved his new name 'Lazarus' He came to a nightclub with us And all the girls screamed 'Hey...look out it's Archibald'

Things didn't go the way he planned Archibald from no-man's land He had an urge to kill But he was still Plain old Archibald

ALICE GLASS...SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND

Alice Glass & Archibald

Alice Glass she's my best friend Alice Glass she's my best friend

I met her in the local supermarket today She looked right through me but the baked-beans were stood in the way I sauntered over and said 'I'm free tonight if you dare' She said 'I'm sorry babe, I think I will be washing my hair' 'But this is Saturday...oh why would you be washing your hair?' She bought shampoo and so I think she will be washing her hair

What does she mean to me now Oh this is my sacred vow It's very easy for me to see That Alice Glass is the one for me

Her mother says the gifts I send are gifts from a rogue And apparently a wreath ain't really in vogue I called her iPhone and said 'Alice Glass, will you be my wife?' She said 'You've wasted 15 seconds of my valuable life' She said 'You've ruined 20 seconds of my valuable life' She said 'You've ruined 5 more seconds of my valuable life'

Oh what does she mean to me It's very simple for me to see So many castles are built on mud But Crystal Castles are in my blood

She's good at poetry...she writes little notes with a pen She's got a penguin for a pet and I think it's called Ben Or maybe Harry but it really doesn't matter too much She said she doesn't mind me looking but she won't let me touch She really doesn't mind me looking but she won't let me touch She says she doesn't mind me looking BUT SHE WON'T LET ME TOUCH!!

Amy's Party

The rockabilly band will start at six Slap bass and guitar licks I'm gonna get my kicks At Amy's party

The night is swinging so With the people we all know We turn the lights down low At Amy's party

Dance with the party doll Drink whisky that we stole Long live rock and roll At Amy's party

Tonight we're born to jive Play guitars in overdrive We'll keep her dream alive At Amy's party

At Amy's Party At Amy's Party

The Belvedere Hotel

Welcome to the Belvedere You know all forms of life are here Welcome to the Belvedere Hotel Leave your conscience at the door You won't be needing that no more Welcome to the Belvedere Hotel You can feed the demons in the wishing-well With lips that kiss but never ever tell And thereby lies a fallen mademoiselle She was killed by Peter Pan and Tinkerbell

The chef has found the perfect niche Be careful to avoid the quiche The locals know exactly how it's laced Be thankful for the food you got The concierge will eat the lot My words to you will never go to waste And you won't have to worry about the taste Genetic deviation in the paste And the body of the chef was never traced

The devil came to play some games With eyes of red and lots of flames A hideous theatre-in-the-round A gypsy sat beside the lord But someone kicked the ouija board And all the glasses shattered to the ground And the ornaments were spinning all around And the cuckoo clock was quickly overwound And someone nailed a chicken to the ground And the butler's head was never ever found

So welcome to this black hotel Where Satan pays the personnel And no-one stays for longer than a day Where kids ride bikes on broken glass and mums just sit there smoking grass and throwing pebbles at the Milky Way And the newly-weds won't see the light of day Because they hang together in the passageway My love for you grows weaker by the day But I think I love you more and more each day

The Belvedere Hotel

Folkestone Twist

Down in the harbour he got a tattoo of a girl he loves so very much He bought an orange from a man dressed in blue He said 'I like citrus fruit so much' He likes to hang around down by the sea On the beach where lots of people have died He said 'It's not who you choose...it's who chooses you' And then he passed out on the park and ride

They tell me it's the land of the free But no-one ever listens to me They tell me there's a reason to be But still...no-one ever listens to me

Funny Farm

She goes inside...she shuts the door She crashes to the Lino on the kitchen floor Her dress is grey...it's like a sack Her eyes are brown and her face is black She dreads the day when it all comes back Her nails are torn across the bric-a-brac

She takes sone words She writes a song She has a dream And it won't be long She holds a knife It holds a charm She wipes the blade Across her toneless arm She knew today That she'd self-harm They take her for a visit To the funny farm

She cries at night She tries to hide But the pain is everlasting On the inside They know she's down They will be there Whenever she is ready For some tender care Remember all the happiness She used to share Singing so sweetly In the jardinière

She says it's time To light the fuse To blow up all the things That she will never use It's tough today She starts to cry A sad hello And a mad goodbye Waiting for the moment When her tears will dry Immersed in the lyric Of her lullaby

Another night Another day Another star explodes In the milky way Oh please don't go Don't leave them here They only ever wanted you To be sincere Longing for the moment When you re-appear They cherish the time That they had you here

She goes inside She shuts the door She crashes to the Lino On the kitchen floor Her eyes are brown Her dress is grey This is the day She had to go away A shabby July On a Saturday See you on the other side Another day

See you on the other side Another day

Rage Against Florence & the Machine

Archie was tiring of the scene With a rage against Florence and the Machine And Florence was perplexed at his correspondence She read his words with heavy heart As she stormed to the top of the album chart Viewing his proposal with despondence

They're not the kind of places I go to They're not the kind of things I like to do So why am I in love with you I haven't got a clue

You and I are living our world's apart I know it's gonna leave me with a broken heart Oh Florence Welch...my ruptured heart What am I to do

Can you see the flames on the fire are burning Can you feel the heat in the night Can you see the leaves on the trees are falling I guess I'll never see you crying...crying

People always told me if you dream it's free And I'll be dreaming somehow for eternity What charm do you have over me I haven't got a clue

So...they are not the kind of places that I go to They are not the kind of things that I like to do So why am I in love with you you you I haven't got a clue

This Is My Life

I couldn't get to sleep last night I live near Regents Park I tried counting sheep but they were black sheep I couldn't see them in the dark

Feels like I'm living in an A to Z On the vicious side of town The people in the street are laughing at me as I stand here looking down