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NBA BOOTLEG: This is NOT a mock draft

foxsports admin

Updated Jul 24, 2014 10:12 PM ET

If KD were a GM, 2002 lottery version (BootlegSports.com)

This is not a Mock Draft. Mock Drafts are for suckers, and anyone who
belives a Mock Draft (written in April, May, June, or on June 25th) is a
got-damn fool. Nobody knows what is really going to happen between now and
the 26th, so why act all-knowing?

I mean, I'll act "all-knowing," but in a different direction. I'll pretend
like I know the game, a trait even my split-personality (we'll call him
"StaggaLee") can vouch for, and not like I can only comprehend what an agent
is feeding me.

This Draft runs with me as the GM, taking the reins of each Lottery squad,
with the rest of the picks to come next week. Argue all you want with who
goes where and what 12-different GMs are thinking (Elgin gets
to pick, twice), but you can't argue with the logic of the one and only.

Bow down, and have some fun ...

1. - Yao Ming

Tell me again and again about the issues with his homeland. Tell me about
how it will be a struggle, from now until 2004, to keep Yao in for a
singular summer workout. Tell me again about what I've seen: those short
arms, the unwillingness to take over a game, weakness after weakness
compounded by an ability to stick his opponents' game where the sun fails to
shine consistently.

If the don't take Yao Ming with the first overall pick on the 26th,
they're damn fools.

2. Chicago - Jay Williams

Jay still has quite a bit to work on, he probably won't be the next Isiah
Thomas, and he may not even break 30 minutes a game even while wasting
away on a rough squad like the next year. But his game knows no
bounds, his touch and timing are sublime, and even if the keep up with
the Triangle next year, he'll fit like a glove.

3. Golden State - Dajuan

The would really like to trade down. They'd really, really like to
trade down, or up, but the latter won't be in the cards. Stuck at three,
they should go after . Wags has a a good year and a half before he'll
feel comfortable at NBA shooting guard, and a solid four seasons before he'll
understand NBA point guard, but he's worth waiting on.

It's not like any of Garry St. Jean's other combinations have worked
thus far.

4. - Mike Dunleavy Jr.

His skills won't fit like a glove, but they'll come close. To begin,
Jerry West is the logo, so he'll take Mike Jr. at number four just to
keep his talents in the NBA. Dunleavy and have played
off each other before, so it's a safe bet to assume they'd manage with
Battier "out of position" at shooting guard. Another multi-dimensional
talent to build around, and let's hope Sid Lowe gets to be the coach.

5. - Nickoloz Tskitishvili

Basically because nobody expects much from the next season, even
those of us with plenty of confidence in Kiki Vandeweghe, and because
Nick has the all-around game to make a three-year wait worth the time. He
may be a top-9 pick as of June 7th, but wait until the Draft...

6. Cleveland -

Give me a wing, a wing that don't wear a mask, and potentially someone who
looks above "above-average." The Cavs, with , , , , Ricky Davis,
and ; seemed to be deep at the 2/3 position last year.
That couldn't win 'em 30. Just because a team is loaded with crap at the
wing position, it doesn't mean they're "loaded." They should feel blessed to
take someone like Caron on with the sixth pick

7. New York - Qyntel Woods

The same goes for this team, Qyntel should move up and down the board by the
26th, but the brass should be beside themselves with glee at the
thought of adding Woods to their roster. 'question is, does a clueless soul
like Scott Layden have what it takes to make the call? Or would he be
beside himself at the thought of adding ?

8. L.A. -

The Clips, they're set, so Borchardt can be taken for granted. Even if
Meester Sterling doles a cool nine figures to keep this squad running, has to retire sometime, and Borchardt brings the sort of
high-post shooting and passing that would keep the ' bench potent
from the inside-out. Let's fill some holes.

9. Phoenix - Nene Hilario

The , banging? Nene bangs, he bangs hard, and you could only hope to
bang the way he bangs someday. He may not start for a few years, but
eventually, he'll bang. is the paradigm here, and the
are hoping it won't take three teams (and five full seasons) before Nene
gets it.

10. Miami -

Drew, dropping this far? Hey, this is my Draft, and if you think any of the
above teams would be better off with in their frontcourt, you're
nuts. The man has the talent, but he doesn't know how to apply said skills,
and though the don't need much frontcourt help, they'll take the best
thing available at this point. The bonus for Pat Riley is the fact
that Gooden did his bidness with a big program, and the idea that Riles
thinks he could turn him into a banger.

11. - Amare Stoudimare

You have the best player ever, at 65%, on your squad. You have one of the
best 2-3 year coaches in the world working things over. You have two hot
shooting guard prospects under your wing, and two power forward vets who know
how to teach. may not want to teach, but he can't
help but drop something along the way. can't help but
teach with his all-out play.

The already have a 19-year old on their team, and according to
Phil Collins, there has to be a hole in the somewhere. Amare gives the
Wiz something on the inside that a Webber-clone like Kwame
may never develop, and why not let the two bookends grow together?

12. L.A. -

This falls under the "quickest talent available" category, Jeffries may be a
more refined version of at this point, and the
always want to fly safe at any speed. I'm far from sold on Jeffries, in
spite of his recent weight game, I haven't heard a bit about his "game gain."
Either way, take a chance on the lithe 6-10 one with skills.

13. Milwaukee -

Honestly, I still think Jennings' game is crap, and that the hype that has
landed him in the first round isn't worth a salt lick. But he is a shooter
with range, who after a few years, could learn to stay on the court for more
than 25 minutes at a time. George Karl needs a big man to spread the
floor, and that is what Jennings could potentially bring.

THE DISTILLERY

Around El Segundo with Lacy J. Banks ... Thanks to NBA.com TV's
incessant afternoon coverage, I've had "I Left My Wallet In El Segundo" in my
head all week ... The are taking a look at Lee Benson,
whom Dave D told you about on Sunday ... Utah assistant Phil
Johnsonhas received the go-ahead from the to talk to the , and Kiki Vandeweghe would be a lucky man if Phil jumped
ship ... Marvelouswill steer the
Turner ship one night a week next season, but the Mouse is still figuring out yet another way to screw
the viewing public ... A whole lotta nothing is going down in Chi ...
Iverson in Sacto? That'll work ... , still screwed!