Random rantings from a not so girly girl trying to protect her sensitive bitz from the harsh, cruel world.

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Saturday, December 25, 2010

Things that I have learned about myself this Christmas:

1) I do, in fact, have the ability to resist chocolate cake. When one was placed directly in front of my face yesterday, I resisted.

That may have been a one time thing though. Remember that the higher the chance of people seeing you devour chocolate cake is, the higher the chance is that you will be able to resist it.

Had I been able to grab that chocolate cake and lock myself in the laundry room for 5 minutes, it would've been a different story.

Don't judge me. That's just science.

2) I will not ever be able to convince my Eastern Shore Redneck Family that I actually do enjoy unsweetened iced tea. They continue to single out MB as the city boy who likes disgusting tea. No matter how many times I try to explain that I also drink unsweetened tea, they just ignore me.

My cousin had made a pitcher of unsweet tea for dinner on Christmas Eve, just for MB. He was sick though and wasn't able to be there. I tried to tell her that I would drink it, because a)I love it and b)I didn't want to go into a diabetic coma while drinking sweet tea, which I haven't had for approximately 5 years. My cousin's response was "Oh no. I would never make you drink that nasty stuff."

Maybe I'll just start having moonshine with all of my meals. That's something that wouldn't be questioned or frowned upon.

3) I tend to enjoy visiting the pets of my relatives more than my relatives themselves.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I just tend to have more fun playing with the pets than trying to make small talk with people who don't understand my beverage preferences.

Dogs don't question things like that.

4) My own dog really seems to like the bed at my parent's house. When we stay there, it's the only time she will actually sleep in the bed with me.

For a dog who doesn't show affection, it's really a big deal. It was my Christmas miracle.

5) I really don't think it's cool or funny to get so intoxicated at a New Year's Eve party that your 18 year old daughter has to put you to bed as your also very intoxicated husband watches and your 7 year old daughter jokes that you are going to bed before she does.

I also have an issue with telling your cousin's underage daughter that she can come to your house and drink this New Year's Eve and stay over, without asking your cousin and without having any intention of telling him that his underage daughter is drunk at your house.

There are rules.

It frightens me that these things are acceptable in my family.

6) My parents are the kindest, most generous people I have ever known. I have truly been blessed with them and I am thankful every day for all that they have done for me.

7) Traveling 2 hours after staying up all night and then having to work 8 hours without any real sleep is not a good idea.

When I left for work, my pup was doing this:

I hope to be doing the same in approximately 2 1/2 hours and counting.

Merry Christmas to all my peeps! I hope that you are having a wonderful holiday filled with family, friends and loved ones.

Who the heck am I?

I am a self proclaimed hillbilly with an attitude problem and some book learning. I believe that a healthy dose of sarcasm and hot fudge makes everything tolerable. Just your average pudgy girl trying to get skinny and remain non-homicidal in the face of jackassery. Come join me as I mock just about everything, especially myself.