At Risk Adolescent Turkeys Have Often Grown Up Without a Father

WADDLETON, GA–A study released this morning by a Georgia research group, Fatherless At Risk Turkeys, shows that troubled adolescent turkeys typically are products of fatherless, or Tom free, homes. The study was commissioned by farmer’s groups who have noted increased teen egg laying and gang activity among their adolescent birds.

The study’s leading researcher, Thomas Wrinkleneck, PhD, says there are no easy solutions.

“The real problem here,” said Dr. Winkleneck, 45, “Is Thanksgiving. But these young birds aren’t very thankful when they’ve grown up without a strong male figure to gobble at them.”

The study uses as an example case the life of an adolescent male turkey known as Subject 34145-Q. Having plucked out many of his feathers so that his body appears to have a skull drawn on his back, the adolescent male turkey mercilessly pecks at his fellow birds, then steals their food.

Dr. Wrinkleneck says he wishes he could comfort Subject 34145-Q.

“I just want to hold him and tell him it’s not his fault,” said Wrinkleneck. “It’s just that his dad looked so god damn delicious.”

Editor In Chief, Founder, and Admiral of Smugness at The Atlanta Banana, Jim Hodgson has an ass for news. Follow him on twitter at @jimhodgson
He is the author of the hilarious Science Fiction novel Dangerous Dan, available now on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback.