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Given the chance, and assuming that the AP would be completely honest, what would you ask?

Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013

Girlietoo♀ 38719Member # 38719

Posted: 1:24 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

Did you ever think about me?
Did you ever worry you would get caught?

Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada

Ascendant♂ 38303Member # 38303

Posted: 1:34 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

"Why haven't you stepped out into fast-moving traffic yet?"
"No one likes you, your parents don't even love you and the world would be a better place without you in it, so why haven't you offed yourself yet?"

Me: 31 Her: 30

"Now I know that's contradiction, wants and needs in competition/But it's hard to stay on point with such extremes in opposition."

Still married.

Posts: 3911 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: North of Chicago, Illinois

dovetool♀ 37072Member # 37072

Posted: 1:37 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

Interesting. I've been thinking about calling the OW and asking her to meet up and talk to me.

Probably ask for some details about the affair that my WH may have left out. Like did he buy her anything, did they ever go out of town, confirm the start and end date.

Ask her how she felt when she divorced her husband to be with him and he couldnt do the same? Then point and laugh and punch her in the face. Maybe not the last part but it feels good in my head.

Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool

dovetool♀ 37072Member # 37072

Posted: 1:38 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

FacePunched... may have to add some of that too

Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool

womaninflux♀ 39667Member # 39667

Posted: 1:53 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

Why should I not tell your boss about this?

Are you a sex/love addict too?

Was he a selfish jerk to you, too?

So...you don't want to be a break up the home of two innocent kids who have done NOTHING to you, nothing to deserve the stress this has brought to the very home you did not want to wreck.

I thought about this for a sec, and then I realized that I would have nothing to say to her. Not now.

If you had asked me this just after DDay I would have had SO many questions I was dying to ask.

Now, I'm not even compelled to give her a piece of my mind. Ahhh what a difference a few years make.

"It is impossible to get a man to understand something if his livelihood depends on him not understanding." - Upton Sinclair

Posts: 23912 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California

Uhtred♂ 40392Member # 40392

Posted: 2:36 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

I had a chance to ask my wife's AP face to face. I asked why he was a weak coward who cheated on his wife and was a destroyer of families. How could he shake my hand and smile as if we were friends and do this with my wife behind my back. I asked him if he thought he was a tough guy now? That question came from an intercepted text between my WW and him when he asked what would happen if I found out. He apparently thought he was a chivalrous man and would defend my wife's "Not intact Honor" against me. I found that one to be hilarious. Its funny what cheaters come out and say between there selves. By the way I didn't get an answer, only a stare at the ground while I watched his wife brow beat him and give him medical attention all at the same time.

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas

confused615♀ 30826Member # 30826

Posted: 2:43 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

"Any last words?"

Just kidding. I have nothing to say to the AP.

BS(me)42
FWH 46
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 9605 | Registered: Jan 2011

Uhtred♂ 40392Member # 40392

Posted: 3:23 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

Good one!

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas

Girlietoo♀ 38719Member # 38719

Posted: 3:30 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

I spoke to the OW on Dday, when I saw the text messages. Then a few days afterwards. She was very honest with me, naive and very immature. In fact, I really wanted to hate her but my true self would only allow me to comfort her. I couldn't help but mother her.

For a while after I regretted not losing my shit on her but I think I killed her with kindness instead.

I did send her nasty FB messages later that made me feel a little better for a short time. In the end I feel good about being decent because it spelled out clearly what as asshole my husband was to cheat on me.

Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada

Lalagirl♀ 14576Member # 14576

Posted: 5:10 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

"Any last words?"

YES!

And "does that rearranged face hurt much?" (No, I never hit OW...just a fantasy.)

I really could not be less interested in anything that might fall out of her mouth.

BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)

Posts: 3691 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest

Traveler1985♀ 40409Member # 40409

Posted: 7:20 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

I would only ask them how they can sleep at night. Especially because they both knew my WH was with me.

I have called them both out and told them everything I wanted to say.

I just don't understand how anyone could knowingly inflict such damage and torment on someone who has done nothing to hurt them.

I have a feeling in my case that the OW got a feeling of 'power' knowing that I would eventually be hurt by their actions.

I am a peaceful person, but I want to know how they sleep at night, knowing what they've done to other people.

BS ( Me)- 28
WH -26

D-Day May 1 2013
D-Day#2 Aug. 7th 2013
in R and working at it

Posts: 16 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NAmer/SAmer

kernel♀ 27035Member # 27035

Posted: 7:30 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

Nothing she has to say will ever be of interest to me.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5378 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest

RidingHealingRd♀ 33867Member # 33867

Posted: 10:27 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

I would not ask her a thing. She isn't worth the carbon dioxide expelled in addressing her.

ME: 55 BS
HIM: 63 WH
Married: 30 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4+ years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Nov 2011

Happydays♂ 38681Member # 38681

Posted: 11:12 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

AP in my case had:
1) paralysed a female due to an abrupt breakup.
2) had a GF who still writes poems about him in local newspapers.
3) had a bad accident that put him in a coma for 3 days and rods in his arm and leg.
4) persued a married woman in his office, but she was lucky to join her husband overseas before she could be destroyed by his charms.
5) mesmerised my exW in my absence.

What you think I have to ask such a seasoned campaigner ?

I have a lot of questions for God though. Something to the effect of " I have nothing against you God, it's your fan club I can't stand".

I lost my child's company, and he posted his picture on FB with his child ( my friends told me) I don't bother to follow him.

I have nothing to say.....

BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013

Nature_Girl♀ 32554Member # 32554

Posted: 11:37 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013

How much cash money did he give you?
How much was the total value of the gifts he gave you, including hotel rooms & dinners out?
Did you know he is/was married?
Do you know that your dalliance with him is what finally broke our marriage?
Considering that you claimed family was very important to you on your Prison Pen Pal dating profile, how do you feel about the fact that you helped destroy the family of three children and an innocent wife?
Did you know that he kept dozens, maybe hundreds, of photos of you and other women blowing him & other sexual activity where the kids could find them?
How do you feel about the fact that me & many others have seen these photos?
Are you planning to marry him?
Are you still involved with drugs?
Do you drink?
Do you swear around children?
What kind of a stepmother are you prepared to be of little kids?
What is your religious orientation?
What other convictions do you have?
How long is your parole?
Are any of the people in your life child molesters or sexual deviants like STBX?
Are any of the people in your life involved with drugs, alcohol abuse, or engaged in criminal activity?
Are you a prostitute too?
What is your driving record like?
What kind of music are you going to be playing around my children?
What kind of movies & TV shows are you going to let my kids watch?
What kind of safety measures will you be taking to keep my children safe when they are around you?

ETA: You do realize that STBX is dating you in order to get access to your daughter, right? She's young like he likes, she has long hair that's black like he likes. It's not you he's after, it's her. Keep her safe.

I asked her for a better time line as to when they got together. She never answered. She did tell my WH that I scared her. Apparently being completely polite to her scared the crap out of her.

my WH even saw the messages I sent her, he agreed that I had said nothing worth her being scared.

Me: BS (20)
Him: WS (25)
D-day: 5/22/13
One infant, two miscarriages, and One stillbirth.
Together seven years; Married two.
Trying to R.
I have survived worse; I can survive this too.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2013

Alexa♀ 40324Member # 40324

Posted: 12:06 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013

I don't think I would ask her anything but I would tell her that God is punishing her to a life without children because she is fucking another woman's husband. She is currently going through a "medical procedure" so she can have a baby with the husband she is cheating on. Guess which guy paid for the medicine to get her knocked up?Clue: not the one she's married to.