A Little Corner of My World

Monday, July 27, 2015

Sailing Home

With Jesus in the boat I can smile at the storm when I'm sailing home.

My family is enjoying a vacation on the waters of the St. Lawrence River. Boating, swimming, sand castles, and campfires with s'mores and Jesus In the Boat songs.

Morning, noon, and night the waters glide by, sparkling in the sun by day, reflecting soft moonlight by night. Never ceasing. Never running out.

So many spiritual analogies could be made when contemplating rivers. But this morning I consider the passing of time. This has always been a deep source of angst for me. As a young child I mourned the passing of time. I suffered deep grief regularly. Someone once told me (when I was too young apparently, for such concerns) that I had an "old soul" as I recognized that time was a force to be acknowledged and reckoned with. That reckoning has been and is a lifelong journey for me, a continual wrestling.

And today, I sense maybe an acquiescence. There is beginning to be an acceptance, perhaps even the early stages of embracing the passing of time.

I've been here before. My mind has acknowledged, acquiesced, and accepted the constraints of mortality and of this earth time and time again. But still I end up in an emotional wrestling match, not quite willing to concede, feeling bullied and forced. I want to hold on to seasons, grasp the moment and not let go. I want the river to stop moving while I bask in the glow of the time I am experiencing.

I try to swim upstream, beating against the current, resisting until I can resist no longer. Carried along, I find the view altered. I find beauty and joy here as well. Or do I? This scene may not be as wonderful, or it may be more so. One thing is sure; it, too, will change. It will always change.

I am a slow learner. Downright stubborn. And stupid. My emotions are too many times subjected to the bullying of time passing. I resist terribly. I wrestle and struggle. But I can never overcome. This constraint of time is too real. It is real. Unchanging.

God alone rules over time. And so, we can know that it is used by God for our good.

For now.

Because the day is coming when we will be free from this constraint. Eternity is His. It can be ours. He died to win that for us. To purchase it.