Majority of this blog is about adoption loss. I am also the Mom to a 21 year old son and a 16 year old son. I am fresh out of adoption related topics so I will use this blog to write just about whatever is going on in my life and may throw in adoption and reunion in here when the urge hits me. I recently went thru a bad divorce. I know it was quick but I found love and that has brought me much needed happiness. I may write about my relationship at times.

Monday, May 5, 2014

The upcoming Mother's day holiday is making me a little down for a couple reasons.. I always dream and wish a little something from Izzy on Mother's day and I just get a text or facebook message. I am thrilled with that.. I hate to get nothing but even a card in the mail would be nice.

Alex lives about a 40 minute drive from me.. so not sure I will see him. If I do.. I would probably have to get him and bring him home and if we go out to eat pay for it myself. I don't really know if I would have the time to get him ect so that sort of stinks.

My husband has to work so there goes the cookout that I like to happen if it's nice.

I will have Stephen home after he goes to church with his Dad. So we have talked about Mother's day and he said he will take me to dinner but I have to pay. haha.. I teased him that he has to put me on his bike so he can "drive me"

He did suggest we ride our bikes to dinner.. We won't have the car. I normally don't like to go to dinner on Mother's day but I know we did it once at this Ilitian place.. so I am debating on going or not.. I kind of like the idea but paying for it is kind of a bummer.. but then again my son doesn't have a job. lol

Sunday, May 4, 2014

How accepting are you all to gay men and women? Transgender people? I ask because I been struggling with my Sunday's at church. I am a paid employee at a church. It's been a couple years at least. It's sort of like being self employed. I been allowed to bring my son with me.. I have been allowed to bring my grandchild with me.. My pets.. just kidding.

This church is very accepting and loving of the people I mentioned above. In general I don't have issues with gay people or transgender. I can be friendly.

A while back, a couple months ago, this man, who I didn't judge cause he was gay started be friendly with my son who was almost 14. He asked if my son could go to a Ice Hockey game with him and a couple other people. I agreed and my son spent the afternoon and evening with them.

My son had a great time. This man expressed interest in my son coming over to watch movies cause said my son asked him to take him to a movie. I agreed but then got to thinking how fishy that sounds.. this isn't a young guy wanting to be buddy buddy with an almost adult. This is someone about 40 years of age but really doesn't look it..

Well, anyways, I told my husband how I was concerned and he looked him up. He is a sex offender.. Strike one for the church. They knew nothing of this.. They have delt with it. He still goes to the church and has pretty much stopped talking to me for the most part.

Strike two.. is this big man that has finally decided to offically dress 100% as a woman. This is a person who has been rude to me when I was doing fundraising for my son. Recently, on the church facebook page.. i responded to a question of is because I don't want to hold a grudge over him being grouchy. So he has taken to speaking to be politly now that I have been friendly.. but not a lot and I am okay with it.

Two weeks ago, I went to the bathroom and he is in there going to the bathroom. I find that weird..I have changed bathrooms and go to the one that is meant for handicapped and it's only one stall and it locks.

Today, I didn't have any children and I stiked a conversation with a man after he asked me a question about having change for a 20. I said are you new to this church? He went on to have a long conversation about being a gay man and knowing some of the gay members.. he spoke about being bipolar and even multiple personatlies coming out. He spoke about some other weird stuff.. said how he doesn't consider himself religious but needs a place to socialize... to belong. He got disturbed by something that was preached about and it was pretty twisted.

I been going thru some pretty tough times.

My dog was attacked by a pit bull a month ago. He just got his stitches out on Friday and is doing well. I been parinoid to walk my dogs and even walking alone scares me. I been feeling overwhelmed on Sunday which is one of my days off. I work Saturday 3 to 10pm. I have to get my husband at 11 pm. We are not home until 11:30 pm.. probably sleeping by 12:30 am. I have to be up at 7:00 am to drive my husband.. I get home about 8:15 am.. I need to leave about 9:30 am to get to church by 10:00 am. I get annoyed on the Sundays I don't have any children come in. This happens quite often but not as much as it used to. I usually leave the church by noon and a lot of times I need to run errands to get groceries, soda and pet supplies. I know some of it I bring on myself.. like the pet stuff. I have to get my husband at 3pm and we come home and then he takes the car to work. I usually have to catch up on dishes and quite often pet stuff.

My husband says quit the church job. I am debating it. I enjoy it. But the other kind of day I would have if I quit was I would be home all day cause then my husband would probably drive himself.

I don't know if my frustation is coming more so from the kind of people the church attracts or that I am just getting tired. Last summer when my husband got the job.. I would drive him to work at 8 am, then run on the bike path, shower, stop at the gas station and munch on cereal while I waited for kids if any to come in.. Then I would drop paperwork off. I don't recall any major errands ect.. I believe I just came homw and was home for the day.. but I had the car so if I needed something I could go. My husband would take his bike and ride home at night.. now he has two jobs cause change of owners changed somethings up.. so just writing this reminds me that it's not really the same situation anymore.. once it gets warmer.. he will go back to riding his bike and that will free up picking him up at 3pm unless bad weather.

I enjoy watching the children when I do have them. One family just had a baby almost a year ago and another Mom is due this summer.. so finally I have babies to play with. for a while I didn't have any children. I get frustrated with how much effort I go thru to get there and then no kids.

For the record. I am not a member of the church. They do treat me well. I do join in with coffee hour once in a great while or if they have a special. It all depends more on if I have my son or not. Every since the situation with the man being a sex offender I have pulled away more and socialied there less. The moey isn't that big of a deal but it helps. sorry for the ranting.. would you leave this job considering the people it's attracting? For the record. I don't have a problem with gay people. There are others that I am aware of that haven't done anything to cause alarm. Today's guy didnt do anything but he did seem disturbed/.

Follow by Email

Unrelated to adoption blogs including mine and my husband's.

contact me

If anyone ever wants to talk to me directly without being in the spotlight of the blog you can contact me at birthmomtalks@gmail.com Please if your a blogger leave me your blog website so I have an better idea of who I am talking to.

About Me

At the young age of 15 years old. I had a baby girl and was pushed to choose adoption. I was uneducated and uninformed on how there are different types of adoption. It has been a long lonely road as a birthmother and forever damaged the relationship I have with my Mom. I write two blogs. One I keep a little more private than the other.