Q: So who the hell are you?

A: Oh, just some guy. I was born in Arizona, way across the pond, and moved here to Madrid in 2004. By this time, I know quite a bit about the city. (Oh, by the way, I’m also a best-selling author and professional blogger. Also, semi-famous for my educational videos on YouTube.)

Q: How did you end up in Madrid?

A: It’s a long story, involving two girls, a few international flights, and a healthy dose of youthful stupidity. Why I stayed here so long is a more interesting question (at least to me) but unfortunately it’s one I still don’t have an answer to. Life in Madrid gets its hooks in you, and a lot of people find it difficult to leave

Q: Why is this blog called The Chorizo Chronicles? Couldn’t you have called it something more poetic, like Daniel’s Über Profound Musings on the Expat Experience?

A: Coulda woulda shoulda. I chose The Chorizo Chronicles because it’s the opposite of poetic. Also, because the original version of this blog, over on Tumblr, was called Lard Hat (only 7 letters!) and I wanted to keep the pork thing going.

Me, freezing and wet after underestimating the amount of snow I’d find at the top of this mountain.

Q: What’s up with the profanity?

A: I love the expressiveness of the English language, and when I say the English language, I mean our Anglo-Saxon monosyllables. If you want to talk like a medical textbook, good for you. Hopefully someone will give a speech at your funeral about how you never dropped an f-bomb, and everybody can applaud you for being such a good person.

I guess I should also mention that what you read here is heavily edited and toned down by the time I publish it. If you want profanity, you should see my first drafts.

Q: Can I write a guest post for your blog?

A: Sure, if I like you. Hit me up on the contact form here. I have several posts on here that are written by friends or random people from the internet. And as long as it’s fun and / or interesting – and Spain-related, I’m probably willing to publish it.

(Having said that, I’m not going to sell links or help you spam the whole internet with something that’s boring or useless. Terrible waste of time, and also bad for SEO.)

Q: I’m moving to Madrid with no job and no visa… Any recommendations?

A: Technically, you should get the visa thing taken care of before you arrive.

First off, you could check out a program called Auxiliares de Conversación. Google it. They might get you a job and a visa, at least for 9 months or so.

And while it is technically possible to find work without a visa, you might have some trouble. I’m not really sure how it works these days… I’m out of the game.

Q: I want to move to Madrid. How do I get a work permit?

A: I wish I knew. There are a few different types of visa and ways to go about it. I get this question a lot and don’t have a very good answer. So I always recommend you do what I did: get a lawyer and prepare for your life to suck for a while.

Q: Is it easy to find a job in Madrid?

A: Um… if you’re a “native” English speaker, then it’s easy to find a job teaching. Even if you’re not technically native, you can probably find something. If you mean some other sort of job, it varies. The Spanish economy isn’t great, and unemployment is high. But it seems like people who really want to work are usually able to find something. (Salaries aren’t great either, but that’s another story.)

Q: What’s the cost of living like?

A: It’s not “cheap” per se, but it’s definitely not as expensive as some of the major world cities like New York or London. I’ve got an article about the cost of basic products here: cost of living in Madrid.

Q: I’m coming to visit Madrid in four months. Wanna hang out?

A: Yeah, why not? I hang out with lots of random internet people. But it’d be better to talk about it when you’re actually here. Get in touch through the contact form.

Q: I’m planning to move to Madrid. What neighborhood should I live in?

A: It depends. What’s your budget? What are your lifestyle expectations? Where do you plan to work or study?

Madrid is a pretty big city, but not nearly as big as London (for example). In any case, there are barrios for different tastes and price ranges.

I have a few articles on here about different Madrid neighborhoods. There’s my neighborhood, Tetuán, as well as La Latina, Usera and possibly more.

Anyway, there’s quite a variety. Figure out what you want.

Q: I’m thinking about starting a blog, and I want to be just like you someday.

A: That’s not a question. But you’re welcome to read The Zen of Blogging. If you want some specific help getting started, I’d be happy to do some consulting – but it’s not going to be free. Contact me here.

Q: I have a bar / restaurant / event / etc and I’d like you to take two hours to write an article about it, because someone in your audience might be interested and because…

A: Well, here’s the thing. This blog is mostly for my entertainment and I don’t particularly want to make it about your new vegan deli or whatever. Especially for free. And especially if it’s going to take up my valuable time. You can sponsor a post if you’d like. Get in touch.

Q: How could you possibly have confused Jamón Serrano with Jamón Ibérico in that one article? You ignoramus! You’re an embarrassment to fine cuisine and have no right to be talking about food. Also, how dare you leave my favorite food off the list?

A: Yeah, well, start your own blog and make it better than this one. That’ll show me. Also, if I left your favorite food off the list, it’s probably because I don’t like it or I’ve never had it. Unfortunately, I haven’t been everywhere in Spain, and I haven’t tried all the different typical dishes. You’re welcome to buy me dinner if you think there’s something I should try.

Oh yeah, and if you really have your undies in a knot about Spanish cuisine, read this article.

Q: Why are you critical of Spanish people? Isn’t it your job as a foreigner to talk about how great Spain is all the time?

A: Well, if you want to hire me to talk about how great Spain is all the time, get in touch. For the right price, I’ll talk about whatever you want me to.

But to answer your question, I don’t want to be the typical guiri blogger who just repeats the same theme of “OMG SPAIN IS SO FUN!” over and over again. I’ve been around way too long to idealize it.

I’ve had unscrupulous bosses who refused to pay me for work I had already done, and exploitative landlords who threatened to sue me for money they had no right to. I’ve seen this country go from rising star of Europe to… well, whatever.

A: You’re generalizing! I know at least half a dozen Spaniards who are nothing like what you describe!

A: Yes, I’m generalizing. You probably know half a dozen Americans who aren’t overweight or obese, either, but that doesn’t mean the statistics aren’t true. You try writing about a nation of 46 million people (more or less) without generalizing. Anyway, one of the top posts on here is from one of my students refuting some of my arguments. I’m happy to engage in dialogue, as long as it’s intelligent.

P.S. I hope you enjoyed this FAQ about Madrid, Spain and expat life in my beautiful city. If you want to follow the Chorizo Chronicles on Facebook, I’m over here: facebook.com/chorizochronicles. And by all means, pop your email into the little bar up top to get all my updates (not too often, I promise).