To just refuse the wedding invitation

Nephew getting married in august. Been planning this massively expensive do for 2 years and he and fiancee talk about it a lot....dress code, venue, meal, etc.Went to visit my mum today and my younger DB was also there. My mum gave us both out invitations as DN had dropped them off there. We all opened them to find that me and DB were not invited to the ceremony and meal, just to the evening do.I was fuming. My DD has been so looking forward to going to her first wedding ceremony so will be gutted when I tell her, especially as she adores DN s little girl.My DB and I both said we won't be going at all now, especially as they've included a gift list in the invite and they all look bloody expensive.I could understand it it was a small intimate do but it's for 150 people. And it's not as though DN has a large family....just his dad who will be 1 of the 10 Groomsmen, his brother, his mum and his gran (my mum).AIBU to not go?

It depends, IF the venue is local then it might be worth going to wish him and his fiancé well ... but if it’s at all inconvenient then I’d not go.

Family doesn’t have an automatic right to be invited to weddings but talking about it infront of people who’ve not been invited is the height of bad manners. You’ve been lead to believe you’d be going and not even been informed that there’s a reason why you’ve not be. Evening do is for friends usually and locals to the venue.

Depending on your relationship, I’d tell DN father that you’re unhappy about it and why then send a congratulations card. Your DD will soon be invited to a lovely wedding - I was late teens before I attended one.

My mum is horrified. She is invited to the ceremony and , but doesn't want to go now either as she'll basically be all on her own....she doesn't know the Brides family.There is no back story. We all meet up at my mum's every Sunday and chat....mainly about the wedding. My DD plays with their DD.This has come completely out of the blue. We all just (stupidly) assumed that, as the immediate family are so small (10 members including children) we'd all go together, sit together, etc.Now it looks like it's just my mum going on her own. She's now threatening to pull out too.No idea what's going to happen tommorrow...probably kust not go to my mums as usual as it could be very awkward now.

Somewhat understandable if it were a very small immediate family only wedding but a big wedding to exclude family? That's not on.

Yea strictly speaking it's up to them who they invite but equally they can't demand your presence.

I'd decline in similar circumstances.

It also sounds to me as if they're only inviting as many people as they are to show off and get a load of gifts. Crass at best!

Gift lists can be useful in order to avoid the 10 toasters scenario but it's good manners and considerate to include a wide range price wise to acknowledge your guests are already spending to celebrate with you and may wish to get you something you want but that's within their budget.

Frankly I'd be wondering wtf their parents did in raising someone with such a lack of good manners.

Oh no, if it is going to inconvenient, I would not go. If it is not, I would go for a couple of hours. As you are not invited to the ceremony and meal, I would just get them a card. Very rude tonincude a gift list with evening do invitations.

In this circumstance I think you need to say to your brother that you are surprised and a bit disappointed not to be invited to the ceremony. And that your mum is upset about having to be at the ceremony by herself

Weddings are a nightmare for everyone involved. YWBU to have made assumptions about the invitation beforehand and to have got your daughter all excited about something that wasn't confirmed. In general I would say it's fine to turn down any invitation that doesn't work for you and your family, but in this case that seems a bit petty. Just go, smile, and move on.

Yes, I'd tell the groom's dad honestly that the evening invitation is a disappointment. They can't have it both ways - if it will be such a let down that you don't go, why weren't you higher up the list to be invited all day?