A Spirited Education

Talking Shop (and pop-tails)

Sugar and Spice

Relaxing your inhibitions can be fun. It can be liberating. It can also be really frickin' annoying. Just ask the girl (or guy ... but usually girl) trying to fend off a wastey-faced suitor who keeps trying to paw your hair like a tom cat does a scratching post. Here's a list of ways to get that cornhole to leave you alone. Start at the top with the mildest and work your way down, mix 'em up, or just go straight for the killer and get it over with. Your choice.

Be Polite This is where most people start. But when you're dealing with really drunk people, a polite "no thank you," or "I'm gonna go over here now" doesn't usually work. You might as well skip this step. Unless you're just toying with him like a criminal mastermind in a cat-and-mouse thriller.

Talk about Religion Sharing your come-to-Jesus moment in prison might be enough to get your action-seeking suitor to move on to more secular pastures. Be healed.

Conjure Up a Fake Significant Other Casually point to a guy/girl on the other side of the bar (preferably a very mean-looking one) and say they're your bf/gf/spouse. You do take the risk of them knowing that person, and then you're busted.

Scratch Yourself A lot Pained facial expressions help. If you tell someone you've been itchy since last weekend, they'll probably be grossed out enough to move on to their next victim. Oh, and make sure the person you're actually interested in doesn't see you doing this.

Pull STD Pamphlets Out of Your Purse Come up with something to write down (phone number, fake hard-to-pronounce name) and casually whip out an STD pamphlet to write it on. If they don't notice, proceed to the next tip.

Fart ... And Own Up to It If you have no shame, drop the D-bomb. Tell the mas-tequila Don Juan that you've been running back and forth to the rest room all night. Say you had Mexican. Or even better, Indian.