I have been working on a different body system for healing my skin from the beginning of this year until now. So far, I have noticed little difference in my skin – my legs have what have been diagnosed with what is called idiopathic guttate hypomelanosis (IGH) – I have white spots because my body has stopped producing melanin, doctors don’t know why, they are “incurable, and the sun makes them worse.” The latter part I believe as true, but the former, I am a firm believer that if our body has the nutrients it needs to heal, it will.

So, each month I have been focusing on “healing” or treating well each different body system using exercise, supplementation and/or diet. I have focused on the integument, the skeletal/muscular and the immune system. And, this month, the digestive system. I believe this month has been my most successful month, yet. I have not noticed as much of a difference in my other systems, I think because I only had a month working on them, and I don’t think you can tell much of a change in those systems in that short period of time, but I will say I did notice a slight difference in my muscular/skeletal system with the yoga I’d been doing and the fish oils I was taking. That made a difference in alleviating some of my pain. The gut can change pretty quickly. In 2 – more days, a meal will have moved completely through your system. I had a lot of issues my first few days. One of the things I have looked forward to is getting my stomach to be more flat again. I had this hypothesis as I noticed my “gut growing,” that our intestines must also grow. I wasn’t seeming to gain much weight, though I did notice a bit of fat beginning to come around my mid-rib, but more than anything I noticed I was bulging out. My thought, in considering other woman and men that I see that get big around the waist but may not be “fat” is that there intestines are growing larger. Does that make sense? Well, I looked it up and intestines do grow. Those people who are big around the mid-section also may have a serious yeast problem – candida. I learned that years ago from “Chief Two Trees,” an Indian medicine-man my mom and I went to while I Was in high school. I always remembered that.

Yesterday was monumental in this month’s health journey. I feel like my intestines took a turn – it seems to be that I have eaten well enough for the past two weeks that my intestines are performing as they should. I have not really had digestive issues I wouldn’t really say, but after yesterday, I will say that I think an individual’s bowel movements determine how good their diets are, and maybe I haven’t had as good of a diet as I thought.

There was a demonstration I saw about 10 years ago while at a work-related health function that I always think profound when considering how what we eat will affect us. The demonstration showed what food ends up being like in our intestines after we eat it, and the difficulty food may have moving through the system, depending on what it is. The first demonstration represented what we might eat at a birthday party, cake and chips are all I remember. The woman shoved the cake and chips into this clear PVC tube and tried to push it through. It was challenging, and icky. The second demonstration showed what would happen when eating nuts and apples – they fell right through the tubing.

Food good for digestion – fiber – soluble and insoluble – both helping the digestive process, whether it’s adding bulk to your stool, increasing or decreasing digesting, lowering blood sugar and cholesterol, and decreasing the risk of heart disease. I have eaten nuts on a regular, and recently, brown rice has been a staple. I haven’t bought bread, but have been eating a little bit of pasta when I crave it. I’ve been making more smoothies, have rarely overeaten. One of the main staples I’ve added that I found before this month is that exercise is excellent for digestion, especially running. A sedentary lifestyle is among the top causes of constipation. Running, and moving, in general, is going to stimulate the bowels.

So, yesterday and last night, I found my bowels took a turn for the better, and the foods I’ve been eating and the regular exercise, and the not overeating at any (almost) meal, has found me feeling fantastic. There’s a lighter feeling I have. I felt yesterday how I want to keep maintaining this behavioral lifestyle. It’s clean. It’s my temple, and yes, as I am feeling the benefits better than ever before, I want to keep clean. Honoring my temple that carries my soul around, as my mom put it.

For lent, I gave up sugar, and I have yet to go back to it. It is not good for digestive health!! It is awful for our skin! Phase II: Here’s where I’m at. Since yesterday, I feel like I’ve gained benefits from this eating pattern, so much so that I am going to the next level. Now that my system is working to the degree, I believe it should be, and I am “clean,” I am going to introduce more grains – barley, an insoluble fiber, and avocados and raspberries. Also, insoluble. I will also add greater proportions of enzymes in the form of pineapple which I will put more of into my smoothies, and maybe some more. More research on that.

My last, and final addition, that I know of at this time, will be the addition of probiotics. Yes, we’ve heard they are good for gut health, but my interest in addition to that, is the skin-gut connection they offer. I have yet to research that to the degree that I can discuss more in-depth, but I will, and hopefully this will also help my skin, my main purpose for beginning this journey – to cure the IGH. That may help, as well. I will say I think I have discovered I also have developed a basal carcinoma. I’m making a dermatological appointment soon. More to come on both of those. So, my biggest suggestions to date for your gut health and digestion: Eat lots of brown rice and vegetables together, fruits, nuts, and other whole grains. Exercise – run if you can. Breath deeply while doing so, if you can. Be sure you’ve got a bathroom close, if you can. Drink lots of water Do not overeat. Breath deeply. 😊

More to come… To my health and yours! Be Well, Holly

​​The Lord is My PortionLast night found myself eating more than I needed to as I considered I would not be eating much of anything I wanted to next month because I will be doing a cleanse.One of the things I like about my body is that it is resilient. Also, as much as I scrutinize my body every day, I don’t need to. I look great. I found that this morning. I have a pretty body. Sure, I have many flaws – my bottom is not as high and tight as I’d like it to be, I have some spider veins on my legs and a bit of loose skin on there too, and polka dots, and a bit of cellulite there too, but for the most part, I look really good! LOL. Seriously, it doesn’t sound that good, but it is, I can assure you.I regularly eat what I want for the most part, and with the exception of over a year ago, I keep things pretty much in moderation. But when I do buy goodies, I pretty much go all at them until they are gone. I recall one time, however, within this past year when I had ice cream in my freezer for a long time, and I didn’t consume it just because I had it, I ate it when I wanted it, which I found was not daily. This is in severe contrast to last week where I ate my two pints of BOGO free Ben & Gerry’s from Friday to Sunday, and have done the same with a whole half gallon in the matter of a weekend before. I’m a big fan of ice cream. It would be my dessert island food!What I am getting at, is that recently I am finding I am sick of the power I am giving to my food. It’s almost like I pride, which I do, myself of being able to eat anything I want without gaining weight – with the exception of over a year ago when I gained a good six pounds because I ate everything that came my way, and more, from October to sometime in January or February. I just went all at it and didn’t care. Maybe because I realized this about my body.When I was in my early teens, 13, I began my long and sad career as a binge eater and bulimic. It is not that I was overweight or anything of the sort. I saw something on the television where girls were bulimic, and for some reason I got the perverted notion that I could do that. It’s almost like I had some need to have something I could do, and that was it. I was lost in those days – living with my best friend and her parents. Though they were very good to me, and I loved them, I was a misdirected youth with no one helping to guide my future.I do not remember much from 13 until I was in 11th grade in terms of “being” bulimic, but in 11th grade I know it was bad, and remember it clearly. I won’t go into the gross details of it now, but it was bad enough to where I was hospitalized at 16, and not because I was so skinny they thought I would die, but more so because they were worried I may have a heart attack or suffocate trying to puke up my food. Or, maybe they just knew I was lost and treatment was necessary to help me from that way of poor living. Those days, I do remember, and I remember clearly eating my feelings all the time, how miserable I was, and puking them all up at the same time, but I was always, “fine.” My mom and grandmother clearly knew better. That was really my life. I would eat and puke for hours after school, or work, later after I had relapsed, and moved away from my support group into a toxic environment and relationship with people in my family. It was a mess. I found it my only real friend too, because I didn’t have friends, really. It was my way to fill my time and curb the loneliness and sadness I felt.Years later, it ended. My dad, “uncle” and boyfriend, David, did an intervention on me. That was the beginning of the end. I really guess I needed people to love me and support me and because I was getting it, and having more of a life with friends and college and a support network, I was free from it for the most part.Years later, I would find myself binging and purging in times of very high stress and it was clearly a time reflection – a compass to alarm me as to what was going on with me emotionally. I would figure it out, get back on track and often be fine for years at a time.It was only when I was in my 30’s that I met a woman who told me she committed to herself that she would never purge again despite how much she ate. I admired that because bulimia is such an irresponsible, cheaters disease. It completely disregards accountability and skirts the rules preventing a life of integrity. I committed then, myself. I have never puked again since then, despite feeling like I would literally explode on a couple of occasions – that my stomach might in fact rupture, but it didn’t.So, I’ve been free from puking for over 10 years, but one of the things I’ve been coming to recently is the relationship I have with food, and I am not keen on what I find. Because I can eat what I want and it rarely effect my weight, it always effects my being, my soul.This is what I have found.When I moved back to the States in December 2010, I was fortunate enough to get what I considered a dream job working teaching nutrition education to little people I call them – young students in pre-K – 2nd grade. It was awesome, but only for a year until I got bored.At any rate, what I learned then, was we have a relationship with food and we can always tell where we are emotionally, based on how we eat. At least this is what I found for myself. I find that true, still, to this day.One of the character traits I have found with myself of which I am not a fan is this pride issue which I’ve already mentioned – this fact that I can eat what I want without it really effecting my weight. The problem with that is that I tend to pork out a lot. Food affects us. It affects our energy, mainly, and for me, also my emotional well-being. I am affected by how I eat. What I eat. If I eat too much or too little. Trying to feel like I don’t always have to be full to stop eating – this one just came to me last year as I realized how much I’d been eating at dinner time on a regular basis.One of the feelings I have recognized within myself when I do this is a flagrant disregard for honoring my body. It’s the attitude of, “I’m going to do it because I can.” I don’t like that attitude finding is disrespectful and ugly. It’s like, though I don’t purge anymore, there is still somewhat of that not having to be accountable for what I eat because it doesn’t “seem” to affect me, but, it does, still. It represents a powerlessness, still, too, of not having or exhibiting any self-control.I have thought this past week that maybe I should begin attending some support groups because though I am not overweight or bulimic, I am exhibiting a powerlessness over my food. I am making it all-powerful and I don’t like that. I make the comment regularly how food is my favorite thing in life. That is sad. But, there is some truth to it too. I love to eat. I love good food. I love to enjoy it. I am grateful for it. But, I have given it a place of respect without properly honoring it or my body to the level it should be.Let me explain – years ago, not sure how long ago but 15 or more years when I started getting interested in nutrition, I’d done a 9 day fast – I had to quit because it wasn’t good for me and my head aches were tremendous, but I remember when I came off of that fast, I was praying over my food before I ate it, and felt awe and reverence – like I had put food in its place by fasting. I was no longer cramming it in my mouth and devouring it. I was respecting it and grateful for it. I almost cried and have done that still a couple of times this past year, and prior to this year, when I am just very grateful and pray before eating, considerately. There’s a reverence and humility which accompanies it that puts me to tears or at least wells me up😊.At any rate, my realization this morning as I sat in prayer and considered where I am and where did this awesome feeling I had last week go, I figured it might have to do with my food because that is the only thing I can think of that has put me off – that creates this sense of separation I feel from the Lord created by putting something else “more powerful” in the place of Him.When I prayed, I confessed my feelings toward my food and how much emphasis I’ve put on it, still. I prayed to be forgiven for putting food before God, and the gluttonous individual I’d become still, at times. I’ve knowingly done it, too, because I wanted to and figured, “tomorrow” I will be better. I have come to know, however, that the “tomorrow” mentality permits a low-living life, poorly allowing one to live for a time that often never comes, and a well-lived life becomes elusive because the lie we tell ourselves to give us what we want for the moment persists, and then tomorrow remains elusive forever.The thing about gluttony, is even know I am not killing anybody or having an affair with a married man, it’s all the same to God. It is a deadly sin. ”A little leaven leavens the whole lump.” It not only creates a wedge between me and the Lord, but it hampers my soul. Therefore, I lose the power-cord connection I have from God when walking uprightly before the Lord because I put something else in His place, and I also lose personal power because of the physical impairment bad- and overeating has on a body. Many “food-hangovers” have I had! I know it’s wrong yet keep doing it, secretly acting like it’s okay, maybe not consistently, but I allow for it whenever I want. Forgiveness is ours from the Lord when we repent. I am on a new path with this now, hoping to really honor my body and my Lord with my food more, especially when I don’t want to – those are the most important times when we need to push in and use what tools we have, and, as a fruit of the spirit, self-control is mine to experience!!The Spirit of self-control is what I will exhibit more of in my life. Discipline! Yes! I do it when I want it, but because there is not any seeming outward effect of this behavior on my life, I’ve let it slide, but it affects me any day I let myself get away with it, and had continued to affect me because it has remained unconfessed until this morning. I thank you, Father, for bringing this to the forefront and removing it from me. It is time to walk in self-control.As I prayed this morning over my delicious garlic, honey-butter and cinnamon toast, ½ banana, and coffee, from my mouth came thanks to the Lord for my meal, but also as I considered more what I was giving thanks for, out of my mouth came that, “For You, God, are my portion.” That prayer gave me new insight and purpose! Yes, God is my portion for every day and everything on this Earth. His is my sufficiency and only need. Yes! Yes! Thank you, God.I believe that was prompted by the Holy Spirit because I have never used that prayer. Looking it up later, I found it to be in Lamentations 3, and am including many of the verses before and after. One of my favorite verses to contemplate is that the Lord’s mercies and compassions are new every morning. I love that thought!21 This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.22 It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.24 The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.25 The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.26 It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.

Lessons from the Pool: Finding My Song!Today I got in the pool for the third time as I train for my pending triathalon at the beginning of next month.I did alright. I watched a video the other day of how to properly do a stroke, the freestyle catch – by Chloe Sutton, a two-time Olympic swimmer – shown on You Tube. So, today I employed the catch for the second time. I struggled. There is so much to remember. Am I doing it right? I did not notice so much yesterday while at the gym, but today because my pool is much smaller, I had to focus on getting in all right in just a few strokes. So, I was very conscientious of every movement and how my body was orchestrating or not. Breathing, stroking and kicking – they’ve got to all work together – this is something I gathered on my own and was trying to figure it all out. What is the best form? What is the best form for me? Be consistent with every stroke. Get it right.It wasn’t until today that I noticed what I thought was very interesting. Swimming has a rhythm. It has a pattern also. I feel that practicing a pattern over and over will allow a rhythm to emerge. Makes sense!! This is my thought. We'll see! There’s a stroke pattern, a breathing pattern, and a hip-swivel pattern that should coordinate with the pattern you use with kicking. The body parts and function of each, each have their own style and pattern, but they must work together like an orchestra to strike the perfect concordant harmony, or your style is discordant, labored and rhythmically disjoined, in addition to being super inefficient. This is what I found today.I may be totally off, but the brief moments I had gotten a rhythm, I was following somewhat of a pattern. Two strokes and breath, breath on the left, swivel the hips to coordinate with your stroke! These are my patterns so far. I liked what I found for me! So, tomorrow, I will practice more, putting it all together for my concordant style.I have not learned anything about swimming other than that brief video I watched, and a bit of 4-11 Tim, my neighbor, dropped on my when he saw me swim the other day that my feet should be under the water when I kick because that’s how Michael Phelps does it. Well, I looked at one of his video’s, also, and it looked like they were above and below. I employed the below bit, and with the hip-swivel corresponding with my arm stroke, I began to feel a bit rhythmic, and more powerful. It was pretty interesting.Swimming is a struggle for me, but I’m now looking for my song, so that’s okay. I’m getting it little by little and feel more accomplished already after just today with my lesson learned, and my intrigue for tomorrow awaits. I will look forward to developing my patterns more as I swim in the big pool, and incorporate what I have learned, and will anticipate my practiced patterns will allow my rhythm to emerge!Swim on.Holly

P.S. When I went into my room after showering off from the pool, I thought of the accomplishment. I only swam 20 minutes, but I am trying. That’s accomplishment enough. I’m really making an effort and I’m learning. I like to learn new things. I’m excited what it is doing to my brain too, but the main take-away for me was: If you think something is hard or too much of a struggle, press in. The struggle will make you stronger and better. Learn something.

​June 14

Having finished praying this morning, I got up, and what I noticed at some point was that there were dried flowers next to my bed. How interesting. From where did that come, I wondered? Flowers to turn up randomly like that made me wonder why. So, what it brought me to were…plants.

I have dried flowers in different places around my house, but they are tucked in between things. This was not. It was ready to remind me of an event for which I’d already planned and had on my calendar for a while, but about which I’d forgotten and was not on my radar!​

I immediately thought of the Herbal Society meeting, and I wondered, “Is today the day of the meeting?” I was planning on attending the Perfecting the Art of Herb-infused Vinegar class. But then I thought, “Oh, no. I missed the meeting this past Wednesday.” They'd rescheduled a couple of meetings. I checked my calendar, and sure enough, it was today. Yah!! I had not missed it. So glad!! I checked the time, and it wasn’t until 10. Great! This will give me enough time to go for a run and get to the meeting on time.

I got ready, headed to the bridge, and ran a few miles. I then took a quick ride on my bike to stretch out my running legs, and then I headed back home where I showered and got myself prepared for my herb-infused wine-vinegar making! I was pretty excited!

I walked in and greeted everyone with a, “Good morning!” I was maybe a few minutes late, but I was glad to be there!

There were about 10 different types of herbs spread all over the table and it smelled like spaghetti sauce cooking in the kitchen. There were also many bottles of different wines spread throughout, bottles of apple cider vinegar, lemon rinds, peeled garlic cloves, and pepper corns all displayed on the table. Miriam, the curator of the garden, was at the head of the table, ready to teach us. She got me set up with a table cloth, and we got ready.About an hour later, many of us had made different types of vinegar – the two of which she gave us recipes for were Italian (rosemary, oregano, marjoram, basil, garlic, sage, peppercorns) and Lemon (lemon basil, fennel – only because we didn’t have any dill, chives, lemon rinds, peppercorns.) The peppercorns always go in first. Then the herbs, then the wine and vinegar - we were instructed to use a 50/50 ratio of wine to vinegar.

In addition to the other items, you will need a jar or container to your liking - I had tons already saved, but I bought some later from a craft store which had corks - you will also need a funnel, and a poker, we used chop sticks. From there, you should be all set to make these beautiful concoctions of herbal-infused wine-vinegar – fit for home or gifting, and...fun to create!​Something to consider, when putting in herbs, once the fluid is added, the herbs will rise to the top, so consider where you cut the stems if you want them to span the size of the bottle. You may also choose to put in some herbs first and some later, after you have added the liquid, depending on the shape of the bottle.

One of my bottles was long and narrow. I actually added the thyme at the end because there was space on the top for more herbs – the original herbs I used did not rise completely to the top in this case because of the narrow shape of the bottle, and the width and strength of rosemary.

Put your beautiful creations in a window with light for an even better aesthetic.

4 weeks later, they are ready to be used.

You can keep them for up to a year for their visual appearance only, but after that time, herbs will likely break down. You will likely want to strain (maybe) the wine vinegar before you use it. Red wine barely shows off the herbs. Even in a lit window, they are very faint to view. I only used a slight bit of red wine mixed with the white for a darker appearance.

So, get some herbs, or even cooler, grow 'em yourself. I found it cool to pop outside my door and pick my own herbs and use them in my creations I'd made later - those are all the light ones.

So, get a few supplies, and create some fun and useful culinary delights for soups, chicken, sauces, whatever you fancy.

The Lord is neat how He works sometimes. He shows up for me in the little things in my life which I love – helping to remind me of the little things I want or need to do.

People think or say He’s got more important matters of which to attend, and He doesn’t care about small things, but I disagree.

If he knows the number of hairs on our head, why not help us out with the little details of our lives, like helping remind us of what matters to us and will bring us joy? He’s good like that, too😊

God gives us the desires of our heart when we delight ourselves in Him, according to Proverbs 37:4. I’ve been working on loving more which I think would be delighting myself in Him – what His essence is. 😊 He is love, according to 1 John 4:8.

He knows I love plants, and they are a desire of my heart. His prompting my memory this morning with that little dried flower brought me joy today.

I got to meet new people, revisit others I met previously, and I got to learn something new and useful about plants! Fun! Now, here’s hoping it tastes good. We’ll see.

Thank you, Lord, for helping me to remember, and for showing up with the little things in my life that matter and make a sweet difference.

Thank you,Holly

So, last Tuesday, I began training for a sprint triathalon but forgot about training for swimming initially because when I was leisurely hanging out at the beach on that Monday before, I poorly performed, majorly. So, I quit it for awhile. But, because the event is less than a month away, finally, I began my swimming training, yesterday.

Last week when I tried in the ocean, I got about 30 seconds at first, and then maybe 30 yards before I quit. But I was not able to breath well enough to continue comfortably. Swimming is not (yet) a strong event for me. Feeling unsuccessful and weak, I banned it for a while, focusing instead on my bike and run events, each of which are progressing nicely along. At any rate, I made it a goal yesterday to get swimming, finally, and I did it.

Yesterday, when I went to the gym, I rode the bike for 45 minutes. I thought I’d hit the lanes after that. Finding that they were occupied, I happily cruised-out of there, but I knew I was not off the hook. I have a pool right outside my door. Given it’s much smaller, the absence of excess chlorine and the presence of sun shining on me as I swam, I was cool with that during my first official train. I needed those quick fraction-of-a-second breaks too while turning around at each short end to help me with my breathing.

I hymned and hawed with getting out there initially, but eventually made it. First, I did pretty much every chore on my list! My house smelled great, my fridge, floors, kitchen and bath were all clean! I was out of chores besides laundry which was also occupied. However, the benefit to that, after my accomplishment, I would get to come back in to my nice, clean pad and enjoy the rest of my night.

Having my bathing suit on already, I stuck on my head my cap and goggles, and in considering the end, I claimed to myself, “I am doing it,” and with a smile on my face, I gave myself the thumbs up in the mirror, and I walked outside.

Don’t think of it too much – pull off the band-aid - just do it!! This is where I was at. Breathing is a priority for me and this is a challenging event in that regard!

I gave myself a five to 15-minute goal. I jumped in, put my goggles down, and finally headed through the water. After a while, my shoulder began bothering me. I pressed in, instead of using it for an excuse to quit, I just made my strokes even more deliberate, focused. Eventually, I was pain free.

After a little while longer, I stopped. I’m finished. I looked at my time, and had swam for over 15 minutes! “I did it!“ I was so happy!

Pleased with my progress, and happy I made it with seeming ease, I jumped out with a smile on my face, and pressed on toward my evening!

As I readied myself for my shower and prayed gratefully, I considered why the swim was seemingly so easy for me, and I then recalled that maybe it was because a bit of grace was shed upon me as I swam, in response to my prayer I shot up earlier, “Please help me, God.” Thank you, Lord!

Accomplishments and fulfilling my goals fills me up with joy and makes me happy. I have found that sometimes in life, the best smile we can get is the one we give to ourselves.

Today was a bit of an adventure. I went biking at River Bend Park in Jupiter, FL. I was a bit disappointed at first – having driven 40+ minutes to arrive, I found the whole bike trail was going to take me less than 20 minutes to circumnavigate. That’s a bummer! Well, I got off my bike over two hours later. Had a bit of an off-road experience where I hoofed it, sans horse, on the horse-trail. I felt a little nervous out there and was going to turn around from what felt to be very isolated. I was scared of reptile encounters too. I’d heard a rattler and a gator. That was enough. Just as I had the thought to turn around and find my way out of there, a zippy, huge, red-piliated wood pecker flew by me ever so fast, as if to summon me onward. Okay. I’ll follow you.

Those were my first favorite birds here. Still are, I guess. I took it as a go, and did not turn back. Onward I went, pedaling and praying, convincing myself Jesus was with me and I’d likely not die or nothing bad was going to happen, I was alright, realizing simultaneously that I am not a fan of the fear factor as adventures go. Wondered too about the pictures of the horseshoes I took, calling them “my lucky trail!” Hmmmm.

The mud eventually got too thick to ride through at one point, and I was feeling panicky, but positive. There was some higher ground above me. Not wanting to deal with the mud, nor of the vision I was having of trying to beat off a gator with my bike, I was seeking higher ground. I trekked through a very slim forest of pines hoping not to hit a rattler, and hit the high road, luckily snake free. Gators were less likely to be there too! I saw some pretty butterflies there, and another red-piliated woodie, this time, smaller. It flew away before I could get a photo.

I found myself on the back side of some housing area. I pressed on, hopeful, despite realizing I was way east of my starting point. At least I knew that much. I hoped too, and figured, that, as I’d seen previously on that crappy little trail, there were paths for horses that veered off. I was just hoping to encounter another one of those close to my starting point.

Well, I got to the end of my high road, and it only veered off down to the low road to eventually come to a closing of the whole path. Crap! Well, this didn’t make sense. What about my little birds and butterflies summoning me forward? I got some water and contemplated my ride. Guess I’d just have to go back. I was nervous a little. I began to proceed and something with my back happened delaying me. Making me question my path forward is what it did – I turned around and considered that I must be perhaps still on the park property. The sign rang in my head, trail closed. Well, then there must be a connection point somewhere, I just couldn’t see it from where I was – it looked like all housing development and water.

I turned around and went through the narrow area where the chain was off, and just around the corner was a huge stretch of water and a very large, open, stretch of path. Yah! I’d made it…somewhere. I had to be able to connect to the park. I saw people eventually and as I rode further, and saw up to my right the opening to the park where the bike trails were back in the park, proper.

I went in there for just a moment, just to confirm that yes, that was the park. I turned around and went to see where the other open paths took me, also intrigued by the matting on which all these white and grey herons were chillin together next to this neat old, rusty bridge. I checked them out awhile, took some photos and rode on over the bridge and along the water way east then west. I turned around, rested a moment and got some inspiration for student work from the information I’d read up about where I was, finished my water, and headed back, deciding to stop and take some photographs which I would use in my class. While watching the birds, I saw this peculiar creature from the water popping up and down like a dolphin, but small, and with dual fins – it was very weird. Also, I saw some turtles too. It was good. I finally rode off and headed back for the bike trails!

Finally, I was back on the right path, but still had no idea where I was, but I knew I’d get back with no problem – all paths were marked with trails and exit signs, so I was all set. I didn’t want to leave just yet so pedaled around some more. I wasn’t pedaling but for a few minutes, if that, and then got wowed. I saw just up beyond me a couple of deer. I stopped about 8 – 10 feet from them. We stared at each other intently. My intention was to merely take it there beauty while I could and be awed by their presence. Me and one of the deer had a great moment together – long eye contact. Their eyes are like smooth, big, diamonds, sparkley, pure. Uninterested in holding my gaze, it twitched it’s ear and moved on to graze on some more vegetation. Everything about deer is smooth and soft. I love them. Behind that deer was another. Then, a mama came out. Then, the best of all, and unexpected, a buck followed from behind. I was so wowed there! It was so beautiful.

Fortunate me, yes, on the lucky trail, I came across a whole family of four deer! I was so pleased!! I took what shots I could as my camera was full and they’d moved away eventually, but I got some good shots. I will always remember that visually!!What a finale for me!! They were all so beautiful. I loved that they were a family all together, grazing and enjoying there day together. So sweet!!

I rode on from there very grateful. I explored the different trails for another 20 – 30 minutes. Turns out there were a lot of trails – I was on the wrong path originally having been diverted by the construction I was just riding around the canoe and picnic area at first. Guess I just needed to get on the wrong path to find the right one, abating my disappointment of the trails in the park, too. They were great it turned out, and the visuals!!

Well, that was it, my day at the park. I got off my bike over two hours later – legs feeling the ride. I was pleased to be so sore and…dirty – I’ve never been so dirty from riding a bike before! I guess that’s what off-roading does. That’s okay. I will happily take that adventure again, but no horse trails next time, just bikes. Just me and my bike, my best date I have these days!

Admittedly, watching television persists. I am trying to find my grounding - what works for me. Many people probably don't think twice about eating sugar or watching t.v. or working on ways to improve their lives, or maybe they do, but I feel like I'm always on some self-improvement kick. I have to admit that practicing self-control is harder than just being abstinent. Proud is how I feel when I practice it, and I also love eating a big bowl of ice cream with peanut butter, heath bars and kit-kats in it. Yum. Just last night that was, and my last goo-rah for awhile. I think it's that I'm fresh out of this and playing around with what I find acceptable since being on the other side of it, and realizing the benefits. I can't be peaceful though sitting on the couch for any extended period of time unless I have planned a movie. Also, allowable indulgences are something I am working with. Two verses come to mind - the one again about discipline not being pleasant at the time but in time providing the fruits of righteousness and peace. True. There is no peace for me in over-indulging on anything!! Also, I produced a lot of good fruit while abstinent. Also, one of the gifts of the holy spirit is a spirit of self-control. I surely have it, and I also feel this laziness in me and refutation that abstinence is the only way, which it is clearly not, but if I can't work this out, I will go abstinent again. I am finding my way. Exercise is in which is great. Working toward goals, in, which is great. I'm just a lot slower with t.v. in play, and there is less focus.Okay, that's enough. Working it out, finding my way, strategizing a plan that works.Peace. Holly

It’s been about three weeks since my 100 days of abstinence has ended. TV was the hardest. The sugar was simple, safe even, is how I felt with the sugar boundary provided. Deprived is how I felt with the t.v. boundary, at least for the first couple of months.

I didn’t pursue either one after my 100 days were up. I didn’t care to engage. I was reticent, even, feeling like I’d made such progress and didn’t want to pursue either just because I could. I’ve found that that throws me off. That’s not enough of a good excuse, anyway, either.

I was more apt to watch t.v. though than to have sugar. Sugar wasn’t even on my radar. I waited almost a whole week to do that, and only chose to eat it when I did more as a celebration of something – I chose cheesecake – my first bite of sweet in over 3 months; my first favorite dessert. It was yummy, sweet though.

Since being back on each, I’ve been up and down with both, mostly with sugar. Have given myself a lot of sugar this past week. I am a healthy eater mostly though. My Publix basket last night was amazing – I was truly amazed at how healthily I eat. I’ve felt like that several times recently while looking in my fridge or grocery cart. My basket actually looked pleasing to the sight. It looked advertise-able. I like how I eat. I do like my sugar, however.

Admittedly, last week, resistance lost. I gave way to my sugar craving and jumped into a week long sugar streak. It was more out of availability though than on purpose. I was simply availing myself to what I’d made! Brownies and ice cream, and lots of them.

What happened was I went up to 7-11 to get my favorite brownie. They have these delicious brownies at the counter they sell – they’re so good. That was all. Maybe some ice cream. Well, they were out. I didn’t take the sign to bug off, instead, I decided, it’s Sunday, I’ll just make a whole batch! Mmmm. Warm brownies…needs ice cream! Got that as well. ½ gallon worth. I was set for the week!! It was unintended.

I justified not sharing them with my students or neighbors because I had doubled-licked the batter spoon, and, just to be respectful...I chose to keep them all to myself. So, I had brownies for days!! Those were devoured within 4 – 5 days. It was good and guilt free most days, except day 3 – I felt like a loser – I had given over control to the brownies and ice cream - eating them routinely at that point because they were there while I actually, really, wanted beans and rice, really!

Got over that mentally pretty quickly though, after a serious bout of guilt and a personal therapy session, but still proceeded to crush the rest of what was left the next night, and called it quits, until Saturday, movie night.

I ordered peanut M&Ms with my popcorn. I didn’t get them. Glad because I had decided on Butterfingers instead. I informed the cashier that I’d like some Butterfingers, as he clearly hadn’t heard my request for M&Ms. Well, he had. He came back with both boxes in hand – one of each: a box of M&Ms and a box of Butterfingers, at my disposal.

It was decision time. A comment a guy next to me made passed though my brain as they appeared before my eyes on the counter: “Get one of each,” he prompted me as he saw me peeping the case. “I’ll surly be sick for a week,” I replied. He meant the whole case. I actually did have the “one of each” I had wanted.

Keep them or not? “I’ll surely be sick for a week,” again thinking to myself if I eat those both, as I’d been getting a little sick to my stomach with even small amounts of sugar since being off of it. Keep them or not? I didn’t give it much thought. It was a simple question: Do I keep them or inform him I’d changed my mind wanting the Butterfingers instead? A. I kept them. I moved on not missing a beat taking my cadies and popcorn to the coke machine! Let’s go! So I’m going to eat a lot of candy tonight with my popcorn! That’s okay!! Let’s get busy!!

With my popcorn, and two boxes of candy, I headed to the soda machine. A coke drinker when I do, I figured I shouldn’t have all that sugar and made it a ¾ coke and ¼ diet coke, just in case that extra sugar put me over the edge. I didn’t want to be sick! I pressed on. I made it to my seat where I began my delicious feast. Snack-ably delicious!!

I thoroughly enjoyed my time at the movies. It was a great topper to a relaxing day at the beach. Movies with popcorn and candy, a good treat!! I managed to not eat everything either – I was full but not stuffed too much, and more importantly, I was not sick feeling. I work with sugar/salt combo well!!

So, I already thought I’d have to put more parameters on my sugar again because I’d gone haywire this past week. So, instead of discarding my pricey snacks, I thought I’ll not discard them, but take them home with me, and have them later.

After the movie, I hit the can, strategically placing all of my items on the ledges provided. Turning briefly to add my other items to the door, I heard a falling. Tumbling from their throne, my candy and popcorn went all over the bathroom floor and into the toilet! The candy on the floor, the popcorn both places. Well, another decision – keep the candy or throw it away? It was after all still in the wrapper. B. Take the sign, throw away the candy, and call it a night.

That’s a wrap!

Take-aways from my 100 days of abstinence:

Sugar

Boundaries provide safety. I felt safe at holiday functions. I liked that I didn’t or wouldn’t give in to any of my cravings while abstaining. No is no. It’s a safe place where boundaries are present and obeyed. Boundaries allow for growth. Knowing you can’t do something or choose not to do it leaves no room for “moaning.” “No Whining” because you know the rule. Move on.

Feeling sick after even two bites of sugar made me realize how toxic it is to me.

I ate better overall

I never overate nor had the desire to

T.V.

I like NPR, a life-saver early on to prevent the t.v. DTs

I like eating breakfast at the table on weekends while listening to music, nothing, NPR, or reading

I like reading on my couch

I accomplished many things personally and professionally

I have experienced the importance of goal-setting – writing things down and doing them, one at a time.

T.V. is a waste of time, but television also has its place and time

I felt like I was growing more as an individual – I liked who I was more because I was accomplishing more as a result of not watching television

I bought a bike, finding it my favorite exercise. I exercised more.

I honestly feel like, at this point, what did I do while I was not watching t.v.? I know I did not stop, or rarely stopped, except for those few times when I would relax and read or relax and eat. There is a lot more time it seems to live!

Now, I find t.v. a bore mostly, a waste of time, but I still search for movies, yes. It appeases me to a degree, but it is mostly a waste of time I feel now. I’m giving myself time while also managing to turn it off and do other things too.

Sugar, I found, has thrown me off at times, as with t.v. It’s odd. They’re distracters from what is important. That is one big thing I learned. I really had trouble focusing when I would engage in either, especially movies on t.v. It would take me into another whole mental phase where I would be no longer interested in pursuing anything purposeful or meaningful.

So, in my discipline, I have found discipline and focus, and how helpful they are for my achievements. Duh, yes, but you have to experience it I guess to understand fully, at least this is what I’ve found. If there is one thing I would have said I needed before fasting these things, it was discipline. I never thought that I was actually being disciplined while doing these. More so, the choice to quit them was more of a punishment really, initially, than anything else. I knew they were distracting and derailing, but I did not endeavor to do this to be disciplined, but it’s been one of the best advantages I’ve received since fasting them. I see them for what they are worth. I see their distracting and deceiving nature – t.v. is NOT relaxing – and I am aware of their derailing effect on me toward my goals and in my life and for my health. I am more pleased with the positive actions and behaviors that have resulted from the good choices I’ve made.

The good thing is this got me started moving toward positive directions on goals that I have wanted to accomplish for some time. It has given me the start I’ve needed to move forward with my personal and professional goals. That’s a good thing. It’s let me have a new perspective on how I will live my life and why. The domino effect is working.

I have conquered many giants in my time here. I have seen that television and sugar are just one of the many habits we form that are easily broken, or at least in my case, sugar was easy. TV was more routine and like cigarettes for me – so I was a lot harder to break. We can break bad habits if we desire to. If we stick with it long enough, too, we can replace them with good ones and learn to moderate our lives and find the balance in our routines, and what works for us – that’s what I’m figuring out still – my preferences on how I want to work this. One healthy change can modify of our lives if we let it. I have found this to be so. So, now, I watch t.v. and eat sugar again, but having had a life different than before, I have seen the other side of life on the disciplined side, and have been given the opportunity to choose how I prefer to live now. Realistically, I will not likely cut them both out of my life. Instead, I will choose moderation and discipline, the boring but faithful virtues that will lead me to my success.

I was reminded of this verse the other night after I chose to go for a run despite my lack of desire. I layed back on my car, exhausted afterwards, and glad of the choice I’d made: “But no discipline in its time seems to be joyful, but it is sorrowful; but in the end it yields the fruit of peace and of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Discipline gave me joy in the end, as this will too. Having experienced the fruit of what I have over time by my discipline, I realize that going back to how I was will be lifeless and fruitless. That is not my interest. Joy is my interest, and I am looking forward to having more of it as I make more good choices for myself and choose to live more fully and freely in joy.

which God has before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10.

I love this idea - that I GET to walk in Good Works!! That they're preordained. Cool!

One of my students expressed to me his nervousness about taking writing assessment this past Monday - it was a state test. He was worried that he didn't know how to write well enough for it. I gave him a quick few pointers on writing, and left it at that. I was glad I got to share some goodness. I was reminded as I helped him that I'd actually prayed to help people that day. It was cool to see my prayer answered. Can't remember if I helped anyone else like that.

I feel that I don't honestly, conscientiously, look for who I can be good to, on purpose. I think making an effort to do that is excellent. I think there are so many opportunities that God will send our way if we're prayerful and purposeful about it.

Tonight as I was readying for bed, I thought for the third time during this abstinence, and the second time today, that I am not praying more than normal - like people typically fast and pray together a lot. But, my intention for this "fast" was to be more productive - I guess to walk in what I am called to do - but I wan't thinking about "good works" necessarily, but just being more productive in my life to accomplish what I feel I am called to do. So, that is working in that I am progressing in that direction, but it would be greatly assisted by prayer, NO DOUBT!

With the praying, I thought to maybe meditate instead, having had a desire to do that for 20+ years and never achieving it successfully with continuity. I heard that when we meditate we should do so on the word of God, as a Christian. In Psalm 1:2 -3 it says …2But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. 3He will be like a tree firmly planted...and whatever he does will prosper."I love that. That was actually one of my first favorite verses while in England.

I gave it shot this evening. I lay in my bed and began to meditate, tired from my bike ride, and just focused on that verse from Ephesians about being the workmanship of God, a great thought! which came to mind while brushing my teeth. So as I thought of it, I thought about going around and doing good works, on purpose. Being mindful of who I can help. I think we are all like that to a degree, but as I previously stated, I believe if we deliberately set our intentions to walk in good works, to do good and be good to people, we will help to prosper others and help ourselves in the process too by giving because giving is receiving...and I have found that giving brings me...happiness.

So last week I hit a plateau. I had well succeeded in achieving a new way of life, but became bored. Felt like I had been succeeding in achieving a lot of different goals, but was hitting a point where I became bored with that - I was only ever doing things. What to do? Relax for one evening, rent a Bridget Jones Diary movie, watch it in a pair of snuggly pjs, a warm blanket, and a big smile. I was inspired. What does that say about me? I need to watch more t.v. programs?I realized I needed to take things to the next level. I meant on a persona/business level, but also with my last and final abstinence goal: Coffee! What I did was decide I would quit caffeine and dairy. So, 8 days in and I'm good. Do not even MISS them hardly at all. I can't believe it. I also didn't get the headaches like I normally do without coffee. However, I have had mild headaches all week I have later come to realize. I don't get head aches.

It may be that I do not miss coffee because I have had a desire to be off coffee for so long, and have failed, that it's been like that relationship that you needed to end long ago, but you have failed for the times you think you will miss the relationship and don't want to let it go. We have relationships with everything in our lives - from our people to our passions to our foods. Open yourself to a new reality. That is what I am working towards.

I guess there has been no "getting over it" because, like the wrong relationship, I was ready and willing to leave it a long time ago!

Coffee was my last vice to go. I'm hoping to see a change in my skin - looking for drier skin to turn to more supple skin. Also, the realization that when I do not have coffee I get migraines so badly that I am almost sick, I knew that I needed to quit it. It can't be good for you if that's your body's response to abstaining, at least at my consumption rate. So, I'm off it!

I'm cool with it. Exploring new teas - I'd already found what I liked awhile back in preparation for this, so that's been an easy transition.

With respect to television abstinence, I have had elated moments when I realized that I'd made the switch from living without t.v. to a lifestyle free from television. There is happiness I have felt from just being able to eat really well and getting into my food. I love food. That, luckily I cannot give up, and I eat well, so that is good for me! The point, I just enjoy my food because it's delicious and looks so appetizing too - no need for - just eat and relax! I'll just eat my food sometimes and not do anything but eat. Seems embarrassing to admit - that I eat alone and do nothing, but when you have good food, a beautiful day and are really happy and healthy, all is well. Oh, I might have on NPR! That is a good company keeper and helped me majorly early on without t.v.