June 11, 2009

What They Say and What They Mean

The first kind is the good kind. They speak in plain English and give simple, clear direction.

Then there is the second kind. They're watching a channel we don't get. They speak a language we don't understand.

It sounds and looks like English but it's not. It has vowels and consonants just like English, but somehow they don't work the same way. It uses the same words we use, but they mean different things.

It's kind of like looking at a toothbrush and finding out it's called a hat.

In our ongoing effort to explain the world of advertising to our thoughtful and charming readers, the staff here at TAC has taken it upon itself to create a little guide book that will help you understand what those "Type 2" clients mean when they are talking to you about advertising.

When they say, "We need to make an emotional connection with the consumer"they mean, "Put a one-legged marathoner in the spot."

When they say, "I don't see how this differentiates us"they mean,"Add some bullshit about quality and value."

When they say, "Does this carry enough branding?" they mean, "Make the logo bigger."

When they say, "Will this ad stand out?" they mean,"Make the package bigger."

When they say, "We need a more holistic approach"they mean,"I just met with a social media consultant. Make a Facebook page."

When they say, "Have you thought of any non-traditional elements?"they mean, "Paint our logo on a big truck and drive it around town."

When they say, "We need to thoroughly re-evaluate our brand architecture" they mean, "Our ceo just met with a branding consultant, get ready for a three month Powerpoint festival."

"Shakespeare was a storyteller. You're a copywriter.""Good ads appeal to us as consumers. Great ads appeal to us as humans.""As an ad medium, the web is a much better yellow pages and a much worse television."

"Sometimes success in the advertising business requires sitting quietly and letting clients proceed with their hysterical delusions."

"Marketers prefer precise answers that are wrong to imprecise answers that are right."

"Brand studies last for months, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and generally have less impact on business than cleaning the drapes."

"The idea that the same consumer who was frantically clicking her TV remote to escape from advertising was going to merrily click her mouse to interact with it is going to go down as one of the great advertising delusions of all time."

"Nobody really knows what "creativity" is. Every year thousands of people take a pilgrimage to find out. This involves flying to Cannes, snorting cocaine, and having sex with smokers."

"Marketers habitually overestimate the attraction of new things and underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior."

"We don’t get them to try our product by convincing them to love our brand. We get them to love our brand by convincing them to try our product."

"In American business, there is nothing stupider than the previous generation of management."

"If the message is right, who cares what screen people see it on? If the message is wrong, what difference does it make?"

"The only form of product information on the planet less trustworthy than advertising is the shrill ravings of web maniacs."

"There's no bigger sucker than a gullible marketer convinced he's missing a trend."

"All ad campaigns are branding campaigns. Whether you intend it to be a branding campaign is irrelevant. It will create an impression of your brand regardless of your intent."

"Nobody ever got famous predicting that things would stay pretty much the same."