ARCHIVED - ALERT! Milk Shortage Could Be Our Doom!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, it has come to my indiscriminate attention that there is an extremely severe danger at hand! This stems deeper than the looming darkness just beyond our grasp, and threatens Humanity in a much more devastating manner than we could have imagined! Where. Is. The. MILK!? Where are the COWS!? People, this is of crisis-level seriousness!
To elaborate on this alarming situation, there are no cows to be seen in the remaining Worlds of Destiny, leading my scholars to believe that there is, at present, a shortage, if not complete absence, of milk. Milk, as we all know, is a healthy part of everyone's breakfast, and contains calcium, a major component of bone strength, BONE STRENGTH! Ladies and gents, if you do not fully understand the true nature and scope of the role that healthy bones have on the effectiveness of guardians, allow me to assure you, Humanity is lost if we do not save the cows.
Now that you're informed, it's time to talk strategy. My scholars and I have decided to send any fire teams willing to take on the deadly task of coordinated search and rescue operations to return the cows, and thus the milk, to a safe location that will be discussed in the briefing. These missions will be tedious, and not all of you will survive, but if we fail... None of us will be able to withstand the coming fire.
If these preliminary operations do not succeed, there is another way. It's a long shot, but if it comes to this, we must do whatever it takes. Should the fire teams assigned to the task force return inconclusive, or are wiped out, we must all band together and worship the mighty Cow God, Mooshroom. REMEMBER: Without the milk to amply supply our bones to endure the inevitable explosions, we will be obliterated, and our enemies will finish their conquest. This may be our only hope.
Free the cow.