It is nearly impossible to get truly accepted into the LGBTQ community. I'm not even truly accepted in my community. Because I am not flat out lesbian, and not butch nor femme... I'm not accepted. Because I am not a boring ole straight person who supports gays and lesbians... I'm not accepted. Because I am not flat out trans, I'm not accepted. Etc etc.

The list goes on and on. The few who do like me, generally just like me for personality purposes, but don't agree with me being part of the community. It's a struggle. There's even this cute older couple where the man is a CD and they're hated on openly at parties. They still attend, though. I love them to bits and I love how fondly the wife speaks of her man when he cross dresses. They even go shopping for clothes together and if they both like a certain piece, whoever looks best in it gets to wear it. I think that's absolutely adorable... And yet... the community hates them, and that hurts my heart

We even have issues with people picking fights when the drag queens come to perform! Like... seriously. I think that's horrible. They won't even dare to put on a drag king show in my area because of the fear of fights turning even more ugly. When they announce a drag show, the attendance of Pride events gets cut down dramatically. The gay men here don't support gay men who dress like women for show. I've even seen it from a good friend of mine. He said to me "Why would I want to see a man like a woman? If I wanted to be with a woman, I'd be straight." He just doesn't get it, but he's not alone in that sentiment...

I am not sure what I would be called. As CastingPearls has said... some people are just attracted to PEOPLE. I think I fit that. I like men anywhere from looking more female than a female, to the rugged and bearded muscle type and everything in between. I have been attracted to trans people with no issue. I like many types of women, too. Though I am more into men in general, but still.
But because of this fluctuating type of attraction, I am not liked in the community. Then comes the fact of gender identity.

In my city, you're either male, female, or transitioning into one of them. That's it. I consider myself in between genders so to speak. I guess Androgyne is the best term, to even use one. I am very frustrated at the fact that when I want to be more masculine, I can never pull it off. Yet androgynous boys seem to have no issue. It's maddening! But anyway...

This whole not having a defined gender nor a defined sexuality has made me a target within my own community. So... there really shouldn't be an issue of wanting to be accepted... I'm not saying you won't be... but it's not something to strive for. Just be you. Like what you like. Be who you are and love whoever you want to love. You have to accept you and the rest will follow.

Just be you. Like what you like. Be who you are and love whoever you want to love. You have to accept you and the rest will follow.

Quoted for truth.

__________________This is my voice. My weapon of choice. - Grace Jones We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams - Charlie & the Chocolate FactoryMediocre people do exceptional things all the time - Ok GoSticks and stones may break your bones but words can break your heart - Tim Minchin

I'm so excited about the surgeries. My mom is coming with to look after me after the surgery and will be looking after me the six weeks I'm off. The big deal is that my dad is coming for a few days right before and a few days after the surgery (he doesn't get much vacation).

I'm so excited about the surgeries. My mom is coming with to look after me after the surgery and will be looking after me the six weeks I'm off. The big deal is that my dad is coming for a few days right before and a few days after the surgery (he doesn't get much vacation).

IC That even though I'm really really excited about going back to Uni for my Masters degree, a part of me is scared that living alone will trigger a relapse of all the shit I had to go through the first time.

Another, larger part of me is scared I'll run into my ex-stepmother who lives nearby and I'll break down or do something so, so stupid.

This is part question/part confession, so this seems like a decent enough thread to jump into.

Since my early teens, I've identified as bisexual. And that quickly changed into pansexual. That's seemed correct enough for the most part but lately I've started wondering if that's actually true. I mean...not that I'm super gung-ho about labels, but I'd sort of like somewhere to fit in.

Most of my actual physical sexual attraction is felt towards BHM/BBW (with the SS prefix also being applicable.) I find all women and (primarily) MtF transexuals strongly aesthetically appealing and that can be sexual in certain circumstances.

The issue is that I feel that most of my sexual attraction is...theoretical. I've fancied the idea of having an unattached and casually sexual period of life, as that deviates from what I've done so far. But more and more I'm realizing that, for the most part, I hate the prospect of actual physical/sexual interactions with people.

It's not that I don't have the sex drive for it; I have libido to spare. I generally have no problem sexualizing people I find attractive. I can look at someone and be aroused/fantastize...but I don't have any desire for actualization. I much prefer solo masturbation to the idea of just having sex with someone. I can/have found casual light physical encounters (kissing, touching, though I would feel fine with going further) with women appealing and enjoyable. But the same seems absolutely intolerable with men; I think I can only handle extremely dispassionate, kinky casual sex with men...and I really have no desire to seek that out. Generally, I just don't want to have to deal with being touched or physically appreciated. I especially can't handle someone else having emotion involved when I do not. Sexually speaking, I enjoy kinks/ideas more than the physical act.

I do very much enjoy sexual things when there's actual romantic and emotional attraction involved (which has only happened with men, so I can't really see myself pursuing anything long-term/serious with a woman.) That leads me to think that I might be mostly demisexual, even though I enjoy a host of sexual things when another person isn't involved. Though, I think I find that really problematic because I have issues with establishing long-term emotional connections with people (and generally have very very blunted affect in respect to people); a lot of my relationships have gone downhill because something went wrong enough (in my mind) to kill my ability to be sexual, even though I could still see them as a companion and care for them as an SO.

tl;dr I have no idea what I'm doing and kind of want my body to work a bit more consistently, and am mostly just curious as to how other people function in this respect.

__________________"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."

In some ways I wish I was as self-assured and honest with myself as you are. I'm going to try now.

I am struggling in the sense that almost everyone who is interested in me right now is either male or MtF, and while my boyfriend and my ex boyfriend are men I'm still attracted to, the vast majority of the general population of men is repulsive to me. Even with M and D, while their dicks are perfectly fine and dandy, and I used to enjoy sucking them off, it's really hard for me to even think about giving fellatio without having a gag reflex. I didn't have that issue in the past.

Now I enjoy fantasizing about nice fat people (of various gender identities) fucking me in various ways, but I derive more pleasure from thinking about what my partner could be saying to me, grabbing my own fat, fucking myself with a toy, and generally self-pleasuring. Or about them stuffing their faces. Or something like that.

Basically I feel like my interest in actual sex is decreasing. And I am increasingly only interested in kissing people (and that I like a *lot*) and being fucked, or mutual masturbation. I feel bad even though my primary and I are in a non monogamous relationship that sucking dick has gotten so unpleasurable for me. I try to do it regularly for him irrespective - I mean, I did like it at one point. And sometimes I do genuinely enjoy it. It's just the coming in my mouth part that makes me sick, and the flavor of urine/sweat from a dick that hasn't been showered that day.

And I certainly like writing about giving head in my stories - such a turn on. But I feel bad for not wanting to give it as much as I used to.

That can definitely be frustrating. What's making it complicated for you?

I know I like men, I've been in relationships with them, slept with them, etc etc. I've had definitely crushes on women, though not as often as on men. It's more a sporadic thing. I've never done anything at all with a woman. And as much as I am interested in kissing and fondling and exploring a woman, vaginas aren't super appealing to me. But I guess penises by themselves aren't exactly particularly interesting or appealing to me either, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy interacting with them.

It's National Coming Out Day and I'm frustrated because despite trying to figure it out for the past six years, I still haven't found a label for my sexuality that I'm entirely happy with.

Does it need a label? I describe myself as pansexual if directly questioned (and on forms, unless there's no 'other', in which case I put bisexual) but I generally consider myself labeless.

__________________This is my voice. My weapon of choice. - Grace Jones We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams - Charlie & the Chocolate FactoryMediocre people do exceptional things all the time - Ok GoSticks and stones may break your bones but words can break your heart - Tim Minchin

Oooh, I have a confession as well! IC I am well on the way to having my first official actual girlfriend! She's been a friend for a couple of years and I neverrrr would have put us together, we're not each others type at all. But suddenly something has clicked into place and we can't get enough of each other. It's on the DL at the moment coz we don't want the scrutiny of our friends (we're in the same circle) while we figure out what's going on, but so far so very good! It's been an exciting couple of weeks!

__________________This is my voice. My weapon of choice. - Grace Jones We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams - Charlie & the Chocolate FactoryMediocre people do exceptional things all the time - Ok GoSticks and stones may break your bones but words can break your heart - Tim Minchin

Oooh, I have a confession as well! IC I am well on the way to having my first official actual girlfriend! She's been a friend for a couple of years and I neverrrr would have put us together, we're not each others type at all. But suddenly something has clicked into place and we can't get enough of each other. It's on the DL at the moment coz we don't want the scrutiny of our friends (we're in the same circle) while we figure out what's going on, but so far so very good! It's been an exciting couple of weeks!

Hehehe, awwww, that is wonderful! I hope things go well for you, I think that friendships that turn into relationships have a great start!

Also, IC that I totally know what you mean, Lille. I never know what to call myself. I am not even sure if the attraction I feel to certain people is sexual or not. I find men and women attractive but very rarely for either gender. And although I want to touch them and kiss them and be with them, the whole genital thing doesn't appeal to me at all. So am I asexual? I don't even know some times...

Also, IC that I totally know what you mean, Lille. I never know what to call myself. I am not even sure if the attraction I feel to certain people is sexual or not. I find men and women attractive but very rarely for either gender. And although I want to touch them and kiss them and be with them, the whole genital thing doesn't appeal to me at all. So am I asexual? I don't even know some times...

There are varying degrees/forms of asexuality too just to add to the complexity that is attempting to label human sexuality.

I feel like if I had the chance to be with a girl I could see how I felt and then be happier with a label, but every time I crush on a girl it's when either she or I have been in a relationship so there has not been a chance to act on it.

There are varying degrees/forms of asexuality too just to add to the complexity that is attempting to label human sexuality.

I feel like if I had the chance to be with a girl I could see how I felt and then be happier with a label, but every time I crush on a girl it's when either she or I have been in a relationship so there has not been a chance to act on it.

Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about it? Sometimes they might not mind...because it's more in the name of exploration/it might be perceived differently than if it were with a guy, especially if you're romantically committed. Or you could push for a threesome, if you were comfortable with your guy being around another woman like that.

Otherwise, I totally understand your frustration/un-fulfillment...because it's an aspect of yourself that you're curious about but unable to explore.

__________________"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."

Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about it? Sometimes they might not mind...because it's more in the name of exploration/it might be perceived differently than if it were with a guy, especially if you're romantically committed. Or you could push for a threesome, if you were comfortable with your guy being around another woman like that.

Otherwise, I totally understand your frustration/un-fulfillment...because it's an aspect of yourself that you're curious about but unable to explore.

A threesome may be a possibility, he has had them in the past but I believe that was as him being brought in as the third. He's a bit possessive, in a good way not a creepy controlling way, so I don't know how he'd feel about sharing me. I also am not sure of my comfort level with one, I think I'd get jealous. It's something for me to think about. But at the same time, I adore my boyfriend and if things continue the way they have been we both see marriage in the future, I think I might feel weird being with someone else.

Lille: not everyone ever gets to explore all the aspects of their sexuality, anymore than we get to pursue all our possible career paths or hobbies. Only so much time, energy, etc. Being bi/pan/whatever is essentially what is in your head, IMO, not what/who you do.

__________________Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.

Lille: not everyone ever gets to explore all the aspects of their sexuality, anymore than we get to pursue all our possible career paths or hobbies. Only so much time, energy, etc. Being bi/pan/whatever is essentially what is in your head, IMO, not what/who you do.

Oh, I definitely agree, it's just that sometimes there's things that sound appealing in your head but when you actually experience them you go "Nope, not for me." So for me it's trying to figure out if my crushes on girls are just little minor crushes that in really don't mean much, or if it actually is a significant part of my sexuality.