Valdez Gets RICK

RICK CITY, Md. (CBSDC) – Much out-of-character, Matt Valdez lashed out at EB during an Entertainment Page segment earlier in the week.

For whatever reason — be it for the sake of keeping the show flowing smoothly, or timidness — Valdez rarely defends himself, especially against EB, at least while the Junkies are on the air.

That should about set the stage for Tuesday’s epic showdown.

Here’s what happened:

Valdez’s typical work day involves him arriving to the studio around 4 a.m., roughly two hours before the official start of the show.

When he gets in, one of his many activities is to organize the binders, for each of the Junkies, with all the information they may need in the course of their 4-hour radio broadcast.

This includes all the stories in EB’s ‘Entertainment Page’ — his daily segment covering the goings on in Hollywood and other entertainment — a routine to be performed ad tedium.

Maybe it was months of buildup from not fighting back, or Valdez’s awareness he’d be flying to Las Vegas in a few hours. Whatever it was, Valdez made it clear, that on this particular Tuesday, he was not to be taking any guff from anyone — not even Eric Bickel.

Valdez Gets RICK:

EB: Valdez doesn’t give me great stories, because he’s so infatuated with MediaTakeOut and the blogs, he misses the main stories, the main news. Just go to Google News.

Valdez: What, like Justin Bieber’s deposition?

EB: Yea, I mean I have that. That’s fine, but everybody else has that too. But you just, I don’t know.

Valdez: You know I can’t make up the news?

EB: No, I understand you can’t make up the news, but what I’m suggesting is that you’re missing more important stories, that are newsworthy, than just blog items. That’s all.

Valdez: Like what?

Lurch: Uh. Oh. Now he’s Rick.

EB: Alright, you don’t have anything in here about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez getting back together.

The Rickness was palpable, and would completely take over the segment.

Some Other Lick Highlights:

Valdez: Here, we can have a meeting right after the show, and we can talk about all your news stories that you want.

EB: Can you just settle down over there?

Lurch: Are you bitter right now, that I brought it up?

Valdez: No, it’s just. You know. What happens is, he gets his EP, he looks at it two seconds before the segment, and then he goes, ‘Well why don’t I have this? Why don’t I have that?’ So maybe, what you could do is, you could tell me, ‘Hey, did you see this? Did you see that?’

EB: Or you can more thoroughly just get it better in the morning, when you prepare it.

Valdez: Why don’t you come in at 4 o’clock and help me?

Everybody was bein’ RICK.

EB: I’ve had this complaint for years, is that Valdez, he tends to rely on the blogs.

Valdez: Yea, you’re a hard-hitting journalist.

L-I-C-K. LICK.

EB: He has to be able to take a little criticism.

Valdez: I take criticism all the time.

EB: Yea. Yea. Alright.

Valdez: Anything else?

EB: I’ll certainly let you know.

[interminably long 6-second pause]

Cakes: It’s definitely awkward in here.

Valdez: Tell me about Lindsay Lohan’s ratings.

Valdez was on fire, never once backing down. This day will live in infamy.