Dear Abby

Lay it on the line to boyfriend

August 31, 2007|By Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years (minus five months separated). Whenever the subject of marriage comes up, he says, "Whenever you want to ask." In other words, he's putting the responsibility on me! Abby, I think the man should ask.

Do you think he's putting the responsibility on me because he knows I won't ask and he doesn't want to commit? I have one child from a previous relationship, and I would like more, but I vowed that I wouldn't have another one until I was married. I am only 28, but I don't want to be having kids 10 years from now.

Oh yeah, we are looking at houses to buy together. How can I tell if he will ever "pop the question" or if it's a lost cause?

-- Tiffany in Texas

Dear Tiffany: With a child from a previous relationship and house-hunting with your current boyfriend, you may not be as "old-fashioned" as you think.

I am urging you to think long and hard about pooling your money to buy real estate with anyone until you have an attorney to look out for your financial interests.

If you're waiting for your boyfriend to get off the dime, it could be years before he gets around to it -- if ever. So lay it on the line, call his bluff, and hope his answer is yes.

Dear Abby: I just turned 20, and my mother won't let me go. She wouldn't allow me to get my driver's license and has gone so far as to "lose" all my important documents. She will not let me obtain new ones or even get an ID to get a job.

I am not even allowed to leave the house without her permission. I have to stay home all day to wake her up to go to work, then wait until she gets home to cook her dinner and wait on her hand and foot -- without even a "thank-you" or an "I love you." What can I do to make her let me go?

-- Fed-Up Cinderella in Georgia

Dear Fed-Up Cinderella: The situation you have described is not a normal mother-daughter one; it is virtual slavery. You must get out.

The first thing you should do is discuss your mother's obsessive hold on you with your clergyman, and find out if someone from the church can give you a place to transition to. If that's not possible, contact a domestic violence shelter in a larger city than the one you live in -- because in a sense, your mother's behavior is a form of domestic violence.

Dear Abby: My dad is asleep all the time, and my mom is too tired and won't stop playing on the computer. What should I do?

-- Feeling All Alone, Daytona Beach, Fla.

Dear Feeling All Alone: You must find another adult you can confide in. Ideally it would be another relative -- a grandparent or an aunt. If that's not possible, perhaps the mother of one of your friends would make the time to listen and intercede with your parents for you. Many other young people share your problem.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.