Wednesday, April 15, 2009

"WHATCHA GONNA DO....WHEN THE HULKAMANIA CUTS YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF?"

My main homie Hulk Hogan is catching some heat as of late for saying he understands my other main homie, THA JUICE, O.J. Simpson. His homicidal rant was prompted by finding that his wife is dating one if his daughter's friends during their divorce.

"I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat," he told a magazine. "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."

When a beast like THA HULK starts making threats like this, you better fucking listen. A lot of dudes are trying to clown like 'Oh man, this isn't like Hulk, what about say your prayers and eat your vitamins?' Fuck that. This is exactly like the hulk. Yeah sure he may have said some friendly shit once in a while, but we're talking about a maniac who made a living grabbing people and dumping them on their head. And most these motherfuckers must not remember the "Hollywood Hogan" days. Hey, howabout I beat your fucking ass unconscious with a steel chair and then spray paint the name of my gang on your lifeless body.

OOOOH WRESTLINGS FAKE. Shut the fuck up. Yeah we fucking know but I wonder how well the 'Wrestling is fake, therefore wrestlers = pussies" theorem goes over with Chris Benoits family. These guys are roided out freaks of nature who cut their own heads open for fun.

I hope theres a fucking episode of Brook Knows Best where Hulk comes in brandishing a Crocodile Dundee knife, murks like 30 kids, does THA ATOMIC LEG DROP to that gay ass dude who lives with his daughter, and goes on the run in a white Hummer.

THUNDER LIPS BITCH

If I was that 19 year old kid, I'd be pretty scared. Nah, actually if i was that 19 year old kid I'd be like 'oh what up hulk,' tell him that i'm only fucking his beastly ass wife to create a monster kid like ONGO PANGA THA CRUEL (You know, the Murkwater Raider who would steal only the beastliest women to carry his children to create a super army of his sons who, with Ongo and the beastly women genetics, would have physical attributes that were overwhelming to the rest of the realm) and then jacknife powerbomb him.