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Today’s Column

Find time to date

I’ve been dating a man for over a month and, we’re not "official," but it seems that both of us are pretty serious about this relationship.

Neither of us has been pursuing relationships with other people.

But one challenge we’ve been facing is a conflict of schedules. I work first shift and he works second, so we don’t see much of each other during the week (occasionally, we can meet for dinner).

Weekends, while sometimes difficult too, have made up the bulk of our relationship and we’ve been content.

Earlier this week, he mentioned going out of town to visit some friends for the weekend.

I know I’d be welcome to come along, but I have to cover shifts this weekend.

He knows I’ll have to stay in town, yet he wants to leave anyway. Normally when we have weekend conflicts, we find time to meet up after he returns to town. This time, I’m pretty upset about his decision.

Is it irrational or presumptuous to think that, given that was Valentine’s weekend, he’d want to forego the visit with friends to stay in town with me?

Or, should I be considering this a hint that he isn't as serious as I thought – or maybe I should be looking elsewhere?

Bad Sign?

After only one month of dating on limited schedules, it’s not unusual he already had plans for that long weekend (both in Canada and the United States), despite it included Valentine’s Day.

It’s a positive signthat he’d welcome you along.

So imagining negatives from this would be irrational. There’s no hint of less interest in you.

The one hint to think about is whether you appear too reliant on him too soon. That’s what can drive a guy away faster than a weekend trip.

My fiancé and I decided that no children under one year of age could attend our wedding. Among our friends and co-workers, even those with older children won’t be bringing them.

My brother and his wife are expecting before the wedding but there’ll be no exceptions. They’ve made no desire to be close to us.

He tells many lies about how he helped me throughout our childhood (never).

He won't talk to me about anything, not even when he visits my parents.

However, my family’s attempting to emotionally manipulate me to make an exception for them.

My parents say that no one in the extended family will come if the infant isn’t invited. This includes the only grandparent I’ve had since age six.

My mother has also refused to attend since our wedding will be alcohol-free.

This hurts deeply. I’ve tried to explain things calmly to immediate family. They shout and refuse to listen.

But my fiancé and I WANT those we feel close, to witness our celebration/holy union.

Do I just not invite those that are harassing us?

Harassed Bride

Only you can weigh the choices. Most of all you want to feel happy and unstressed on your wedding day.

Your family’s being difficult, but with a first grandchild there’s an emotional side to their wanting the baby present.

If they follow their threat and don’t attend, that could shadow the day greatly for you.

One infant can be soothed and kept from disrupting things by all the family around. You could even arrange for a “baby station” away from where the ceremony takes place in case the infant starts fussing.

I'm a girl, 13, who’s "scared of opinions."

It started when my teacher asked me a question about a book I was reading. Everyone laughed at me.

Though my response was right, I’ve never raised my hand since. When my teacher gave her opinion about a very UNcalled-for topic, I disagreed so much it made me nervous and I puked.

I’ve thrown up since at school and at home because I'm too scared to speak my own mind, it makes my stomach hurt.

A therapist I know said I need help but my parents said I’m just a hypochondriac.

I also have schizophrenia in my genes from my father and grandma but I can't seem to help myself.

Scared

Tell your teacher and school counselor as well as your parents that you want help for your anxiety. Tell them all that your fear of opinions is interfering with learning.

Tip of the day:

In early dating, neediness is a bigger alarm than an occasional planned absence.