BREAKING: World pin shortage critical

Today thumbtack manufacturers released an emergency notice to suppliers. Die to the rampant and excessive use of thumbtacks they have run short of supply.

This is expected to hit the buisiness world hard as they rely on these on a daily basis for things as trivial as whats for lunch all the way up to which company will be bought out next. CEO of Porsche claimed "Well I never really liked VWs but they were the only one still on my wall of things to buy. My secretary stole the rest of my tacks."

Even the press has had to scale back as they have less reminders as to what is going on in the news. One reporter states "Well I only had one tack left so I decided to pick a random story and I ended up with that dumb fire in California. I was really hoping to make Britney Spears the front page story today."

When asked why there was such a spike Qingdao Ant Hardware Manufacturing Co Ltd., a maker of thumbtacks and pins, president Tan Dong replied "We believe this has been due to an overreaction as of late in certain niche websites to certain world events. They seem to think that the world is about to collapse from some Cuban financial ring who has paid off Bush to cover up its roll in 9/11 by setting these mass fires in California to kill as many homosexuals as possible. Its all absured to me but just look for yourself."

True as told, when reviewing conspiracy type websites like Godlike Productions, one can see an incredible glut of pins on the website. In an attempt to get to the bottom of this we tracked the website owner to a small trailer home on the outskirts of Las Vegas who goes by the online handle of Trinity. Unfortunately we were only able to get as ar as the crude electric fence. A man appeared at the door wearing what appeared to be a tinfoil hat but made no reply to our repeated questions and soon disappeared again.

Experts say that if this continues, the world could begin to see an increased level of economic slowdown due to the populace forgetting simple things like paying bills. The entertainment industry is also expected to see a downturn as less and less people will remember about that great new movie or "the game".

We will continue to attemp to keep you updated on this developing story assuming we don't run out of thumbtacks ourselves.

"As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances there is a twilight where everything remains seemingly unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be aware of change in the air--however slight--lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness."--Justice William O. Douglas

"There are three kinds of intelligence: one kind understands things for itself, the other appreciates what others can understand, the third understands neither for itself nor through others. This first is excellent, the second good, and the third useless."--Niccolò Machiavelli

"I have promises to keep,And miles to go before I sleep"--Robert Frost

Pin shortages can strike the the econobunny at its very heart. Just last year a shortage of pins caused a train derailment in Chicago. Livestock was runnig amuck in the streets and womans hair was on fire.

No, if you all had any sense at all you would be at Staples right now stocking up on pins before the price goes up any higher. Walstreet analist Mark Mark estimates that the price of pins could exceed $105 per barrel - by the end of the decade. He also recomended real estate BEFORE it went down. "Mark my words" said Mark,"the pin shortage will get much worst before it gets much worse".

Meanwhile back at The Offence Department, not one to pin his hopes on an early retirement, Marine GeneraL May Mymm began putting the entire Corp on high alert. Saying that the shortage had grave internationl implications. One measure already in place is a network of emergency pin distribution centers set up in all 49 States. Vermont is said to have its own supply if indeed rationing becomes a reality.

Full report on tomorrows evening news along with THE difinative Britny Spears update.