Then and now...

I was about twelve years old fishing at the "Number 4" lake with my uncle, when I learned how to overcome fear. My uncle's nickname was "Buck Wild", because if he feared anything he never showed it. He was that crazy- type of CRAZY; the type of person you knew had a short circuit. Nevertheless, he was intimidating. I was more afraid to let him know what I was afraid of, more than just pretending not to be afraid of anything. I wanted him to know that I had "IT" in me; I had the ability to supersede all my fears just like him.

I was afraid of worms. The first time he dangled a live worm in front of me it made me gag. He took the worm and showed me how to put the bait on the hook. He made it seem so simple. After he demonstrated on his own pole, he told me to do the same with mine. I didn't understand why I couldn't just use the fake plastic bait, but I was too afraid of "Buck Wild" to ask. I sucked-up all my fear, took the slummy worm in my hand, and hooked it to my pole. I was mortified by the experience, at the time. But, I did it.

I cast my small pole into the water and waited. I waited for what seemed like an eternity, and finally I felt small tugs at the end of my pole. I had my first "bite". Surprisingly I became so anxious that I could barely callout my uncles' name. The tugging of the rope and the anticipation of what I'd pull from the water had me mesmerized. My uncle came over and told me to hold the pole steady and gently begin to roll the line towards me, so that I didn't break the line. Before I knew it there was a catfish about five inches long dangling from the bottom of my hook. The worm was devoured. My uncle looked at me and said, "Girl you're a natural! You the first one to catch a fish today!" I remember feeling bigger and better; feeling like I had accomplished something. Life is like that. You cast your bait and you hope to hook someone or something to it. However, if you live in distress, in fear that something or someone is out to cause you dismay, then you will never cast your bait with confidence and patience. You will forget the most profiting aspect of life: determination.

If you ever listen to someone with fear talk you'll hear a lot of doubt. They'll constantly refer to potential catastrophes and any and everything negative of living that they can. Most of the time, they don't even realize that they're suffocating themselves with dismay; exhausting any opportunity to be positive. In fact, when you leave the conversation you're either in total agreement because you're in fear too, or you are in complete dismay that you allowed yourself to listen.

Several years ago I was sitting on the porch of my Mammo's house, and I was listening to "grown folks conversation". It was about five members of my family and they were talking about how much money they made, why they didn't make more, who was to blame, and just every thing that fell under "excuses". As a teenager, I listened intently. It was intriguing. I didn't know much about the difference of what they were saying, but what I did know is that the conversation was significant for some reason.

I reflect on the various excuses, relevant or not, that we're said that day and one word comes to mind: FEAR. They were in fear of demanding more for their life. It doesn't matter that they don't have a college degree. There's a backdoor to every front door; the key is finding how to get in. But, that takes real craft and dedication to the "cause". Cycles are broken by the renaissance of demand; the art of crafting something new- something beyond the typical. I'd rather be a starving artist laboring for something that defines me than working for the aspirations or fulfillment of someone else. It takes guts to starve; I'm not talking about ignorant starving, I'm talking about starving because you're determined to cast that bait and hook something substantial. It takes patience, it takes the right bait, and it takes the right location to catch the big game; it's circumstantial.

Circumstances can be created only when you set aside fear of the unknown. There is always consequence to casting your bait. Maybe you catch nothing, maybe you catch the wrong type of something; but maybe when you have the right bait, at the right time, with the right mindset to pull it in- you just might surpass the fear of what's coming out of the water at the end of your pole.

Fear is a weakness to LIVING. Snatch what you want out of life by crafting the right circumstances to achieve it.