It's just I feel really lonely for a close and loving relationship sometimes and it's just that I've never really had a close and very intimate or loving relationship before and I feel really lonely a lot for that and it just really hurts and makes me sad/depressed and like crying sometimes and I feel really really alone, and nothing seems to gratify this desire inside and I am just left with this empty painful emotional longing that will not go away.

I was wondering, when it comes to things like loneliness, do they ever pass or is it something that I really need to fulfill and satisfy for myself? it's just been really hard for me to often find this connection and even as far as friends and stuff and belonging I just hardly ever seem to fit in and stuff and it makes me sad : (

As far as relationships it seems sort of impossible or really hard. I am considered intelligent and attractive and I have always gotten a fair amount of attention from the opposite sex and I languish and love it but I am often stuck having hard time connecting to most people, or finding something to talk about and as well I am left with not many people understanding my situation, circumstances or what I am about. I am from a kind of poor (at times) kind of lower middle class other times kind of family that was very dysfunctional and I've had a lot of problems my whole life because of this,not to mention I went for years with a mild untreated form of sleep apnea.(I still have not gotten proper medical treatment for it fully) I can now play the guitar and sing very well, but that's little to much that I know. I was looking at courses and degrees offered at post secondary institutions and I realized I can do or am capable of being able to do okay in most of them, but I just don't really know what else to do with my life I have always just loved art and music but everyone is like a hard core capitalist and I am not : (

Also, I think a lot of women do not really like me because I am not outgoing or extroverted and decisive enough. I think I can be confidant enough, but I just seem and come off way too meek and timid to most of them and other men as well. I think it's just the wa I am though and it's hard to find other people who are like this and even then, a lot of quiet women don't like me because I think most of them are like ISTP's, ISTJ's and just in general they feel let down or turned off by me. Am I alone in thinking that many women simply have way too high expectations?

I am going to start playing live soon and I have gotten really good at playing music, but so that's why I have left the relationship thing on the hanger for now, but still it just causes me a lot of pain and I am wondering if it's possible to get it out of my system? it just makes me feel sick to my stomach sometimes.

Try looking at things from a different perspective.
You imagine you deserve something you don't have, and that you have a right to it.
That's ego, rebelling against its being sidelined when it feels it is very important and deserving.
Truth is, almost everybody is in the same boat: unloved, misunderstood, ignored, and desperate.

Click my signature to learn a whole new way of doing things. You sound like you might fit.

My theory is: the reason you feel so lonely and so alone despite being able to attract women physically and friends is because you are an extremely emotional, deeply moral, overwhelmingly thoughtful person. Unfortunately, the majority of the population can not meet your emotional standards. What you are looking for in another person whether a friend or love is soooo deep, so involved and complex and in depth and you crave so much passion that you might always be disappointed in what you find in others. Its not that they do not like you or even that they are not compatible with you, the simply do not have the capacity for emotion that you do. and this is not a bad thing, although it can seem so to us. Learn to appreciate when someone is giving you their full emotional capacity, no matter how limited it may be. You my friend may have to rely on your music to fill the gaps. Maybe thats why INFPs make great writers, musicians, poets, and artists. Maybe we are trying to fill the lonely void that no human being can fill.It is hard to accept that people are not the answer to your emotions. And this might drive you crazy through your whole life but it is just the cost of being and INFP.

I will also say in good fun that if you cannot impress a women with being "confident enough", express your confidence through your music! Women love a man with a great talent that she sees his passion for. It will drive her crazy to see you shine and focus on your music and not her! As an INFP you need to spend some time developing some self confidence. I can tell you right now that musical talent is far and few between, and if that is what keeps you up at night then focus on it and the happiness it gives you will radiate outward as confidence. It seems strange to think you can create confidence or even fake it, but all the most famous and sociable people in the world learned it.

PS I read a book that helped me develop some better people skills and more self confidence. "The Charisma Myth" and theres a bunch of others out there as well. Try reading a book on it, it seems cheesy but a lot of authors can be very helpful. They're probably INFPs too! lol

I am an INF (P-J) and i get it too. It does go away when you're with a person who appreciates the depth of your emotional experience. Any mbti type can be open to the intensity of feeling that you can feel for someone, but the ones in my life who I connected with in this way ended up leaving me. Which made the lonliness much worse. So be cautious of that risk. As crow points out almost everyone feels unhappy, misunderstood, ignored, and desperate. What has been my strength in developing relationships that made me feel like my longing for connection with a partner was finding ways to express the depths of my feelings for them. Music is your ally for sure, but so is listening, validating, simple notes, kindness, honesty, ect.... All those things that make you feel different will become the secrets that someone who deserves to be with you gets to know about you. That's part of what will develop the intimacy that fills a void.

@ghostshadow....the thing worse than loneliness is feeling lonely when you are in a relationship

most people are not even worth knowing let alone caring about

I think you're dead wrong about the last sentence. You can learn from anyone you meet, so by default you're better for knowing people. Caring about people is also a very gratifying thing to do in and of itself.