Rated 5 / 5 stars2010-12-26 02:06:19

Rated 5 / 5 stars2009-12-13 21:38:58

Jesus mints taste like vanilla

Dear god, a Godlimations animation and I'm not doing the long, dry, drawn out narration? I'm so scared and confused! Oh Lord, save me from this special hell where I am not in everything ever made on Newgrounds!

Recent Game Reviews

Rated 5 / 5 stars2009-05-23 05:55:28

A TRUE CLASSIC THAT WILL STAND THE TEST OF TIME!

The controls: INTUITIVE
The production values: JAW-DROPPING
The play value: ENDLESS
The credit sequence: LONG AND FILLED WITH NAMED CELEBRITY-TYPES!

The FINAL FANTASY XIII/DRAGON AGE/MASS EFFECT 2/BIOSHOCK 2/RESONANCE OF FATE/TIGER WOODS PGA TOUR 10 of our generation! Professional game developers with multi-million dollar budgets WISH they could summon something this entertaining from a development period 300 times as long! Truly - this is the game of kings.

Rated 5 / 5 stars2007-12-25 21:45:38

Whoa, it's here!

Awesome work, Jazza! Glad to see this made it through before Christmas and to have been a part of this on the voice acting side! Wish I made my narrator just a shade deeper, but it's good for what it was. Hurray for random spiels by Melahn! :-)

The whole game is pretty short, but that only makes it more addictive: being able to play a game the entire way through in one sitting means I can experiment with different playstyles for the Paladin. I also love the little details like the way the Paladin faces the direction your mouse is hovering in (meaning you can back away while chopping at the same time, a tactic that should be included in more sidescrolling beat-em-ups) as well as the way the view sort of opens up when you're flying to increase your sight range (as flying should do, seeing as you're high in the air and all). Being able to see the bosses Health and Aura levels was a nice touch as well. I love the fact that the bosses can't cheat by spamming spells - they have an Aura level that needs recharging (albeit far faster than the Paladin himself, of course).

The unlockable extras and cheats were a very nice touch - I liked being able to access the music and cutscenes seperately from playing the actual game through. And great work on the invisible and convenient auto-save system! It's verr' nice, indeed - especially since the game does, unfortunately, go INSANE and crash on occasion. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes during the loading (or saving?) screen, there would suddenly be a million of the"Settings" menu from the right mouse click that keeps popping up then closing then popping up again over and over. And then there's the weird "getting stuck in the horizontal plane" bug that seems to happen because of the low-gravity cheat. Not too sure about that, but that's when it happened to me.

Anyway, for those people having difficulty with the game, I found the most effective build to be maxing out your Strength (to swing harder)), followed by your Dexterity (to swing faster) which should take care of most of the enemies in one hit - the skeletons in the catacombs in two. Next, max out your Power Attack spell, you'll be using that as your main means of attack on the bosses. Now my theory on doing that is: while It's close-ranged, which means you're more likely to get hit a lot, you're not as likely to miss as you are with the other (prettier) spells. Put a couple of points into the Shockwave spell (or just one will do) - it's pretty handy at knocking down a whole bunch of enemies at once. After that, max Health and Aura evenly (or one over the other, if you find you're using a lot of Health/Aura Potions). And when you find you've got nothing else to do, you can go ahead and max out Speed. It's not really all that useful when most of the enemies are close-ranged, but it might help in the last couple of boss battles when you're chasing the boss around the arena.

As for boss strategies: Power Attack, Power Attack, Power Attack, Aura Potion, Power Attack. At least, for the ones who aren't teleporting around. For those that are: Aura Shield to take the edge off ranged attacks, then run up and do Power Attacks, as well as Shockwave to interrupt them in the middle of their teleportation spell. And if you meet a boss without Power Attack yet? Hit and run tactics will work - especially if you have 18 Strength. That hits pretty hard.

Whew, I think this review has gone on long enough. Anyway, great job on this game - and seeing as you've got a pretty efficient game engine coupled with means of telling a story, hopefully you can do more of these in the future! :-) Longer! More monsters! More bosses! More story! More amusing sidekick characters! More collectables Some sidequests to let you level up and get shiny items would be nice too! :-P

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars2007-09-27 15:09:51

Great to see this trilogy finally finished!

Dan McNeely got to play up his villainous nature in this one! And you actually used my little "twist ending" idea, awesome! :P Glad you included that random tidbit - it's just a fun little aside to everybody who'se been playing the games since the first one.

Puzzles made a lot more sense this time round than the previous game - though finding the dang nail took a bit more work since there weren't any visual cues indicating that there would be a nail hidden behind the bed (for those of you having trouble, look at the bed and then click on a spot just to the left of the pillow. You'll be taken to a side shot of the bed where you can pick up the nail). The last room pretty much shatters the fourth wall completely though, which is a shame but I guess you were in a hurry to finish the game at that point. If you were ever to remake the games, I'd suggest aborting the last room and giving it a complete makeover so that everything is completely within the gameworld's context.

Anyway, it's been fun to be a part of this, and congrats on your daily second place!

Rated 5 / 5 stars2012-10-17 21:50:48

Rated 4 / 5 stars2009-08-26 20:55:43

Ahhh, the trials of a lusty pirate!

I envy people who can make rhyming couplets and they don't sound awkwardish! Your reading could use a little work - but the poem itself is sound! Also, the repeating background SFX was a little distracting - best just to find some sea SFX that can go the full distance rather than something that's on a 5-second loop.