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Rope

This post is a continuing series of spanking survey questions, now moving to questions about spankings as an adult. Previous parts are here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Do you find the thought of getting spanked by your partner sexually exciting? Um, hell yeah!

Do you find the thought of spanking your partner sexually exciting? Not really, but I’ve never experienced it. I’d be open to spanking a partner once or twice if he wanted to see whether it works for me. I think this is one of those things that there’s a possibility I will like more once I try it, but until I have that experience, I can’t be certain.

What is your favorite thing about spanking? Do I have to pick one thing? I love the threats of being put over his knee. I love the anticipation. I love the lecture before it starts. I love being ordered to pull down my panties or I love being told I don’t deserve to pull down my panties because I’ve been a naughty girl so my spanker has to do it for me. I love the feeling of being put over his lap. I love the feel of his hand on my bottom as he continues lecturing me. I love the nervous waiting for that first strike to happen. I love when he makes the first spank unexpectedly. I love the heat and pain building in my bottom. I love never knowing where the next spank will land. I love not knowing how he’s going to spank me or where he’s going to spank me or what he is going to spank me with. I love being lectured throughout the spanking. I love him deciding whether or not I’m repentant enough or not to stop. And most importantly, I love him telling me that I’ve been a good girl in taking my spanking so well and giving me the aftercare I need to know that the spanking has cleansed my guilt and made me a good girl again.

Do your friends know you are a spanko? Only men I have dated or had sex with. Even therapists have only known that I am kinky but not exactly what that kink involves. A few close friends know I met some of the men I dated on Fetlife, but they don’t know the details of what we did in the bedroom.

Do you self spank? No. I want someone else to do it. I have tried on occasions in the past, and my self-preservation instinct is too high. I’ll give myself one good swat and then my brain says, “Nope. No more.” The kinky side of my brain that wants it can’t override the self-preservation side.

What is your least favorite spanking implement? Of the implements that I have experienced, rope. A top used hemp rope on me without my consent, and he also struck on my lower back in the “no strike zone.” Even if you take those factors away, holy cow. It was very stingy and very whippy. I would only accept a few strokes of it for a serious punishment and only on my bottom. This is followed by the crop being used like a cane. I’m not a fan of whippy instruments.

Would you describe yourself as a rule follower or a rule breaker? I generally am a rule follower. I don’t speed, I don’t do drugs, I have never been to jail, I’ve never shoplifted, I don’t lie… keeps me out of trouble.

Have you ever spanked a partner? No, but I am open to doing so in the future.

Do you want to be threatened with spankings? Definitely! I’d love to have a partner whisper in my ear when we were out in public that he plans to roast my bottom that evening. Or I would love to have him send me texts throughout the day reminding me of what is going to happen to my bottom in another 5 hours.

Do you like being lectured? Yes, very much so. I’m very verbally oriented, so I like hearing my partner telling me what I’ve “done wrong” and how he’s going to punish me for it. The words are as important as the actions.

Would you like an all day spanking day? Yes, I’d love to do this sometime, especially at an isolated cabin in a rural area where the spankings could be interspersed with walks in the woods (for spankings in the outdoors) and trips to swim nude in a creek or lake followed by wet-bottom outdoor spankings.

What sex do you prefer to be spanked by? Men. I’m heterosexual, and since spanking is sexual for me, it’s my partners I want to be spanked by.

Would you ever see a dominatrix? Yes, despite the previous answer. I have a fantasy that involves doing this. I’d love my partner to take me to a dominatrix to punish me while he watched and then to have him comfort me when she was done. I think it would be a really fun birthday or anniversary present to us.

Where do you like being spanked besides your butt? My breasts, my pussy, the backs of my thighs, my inner thighs, and my feet. I’ve been flogged on my upper shoulders and while it’s an interesting sensation and experience, it wasn’t really erotic for me the way other areas of my body are. I consider a spanking incomplete if the back of my thighs haven’t been spanked.

Who do you like to pull down your pants and underwear? Generally speaking, I like my partner to do it as part of my submission to him. As a naughty little girl, I don’t get the privilege of doing it myself. I like being ordered to take them down but resisting until he is forced to do it for me (and punish me for not complying).

When you get spanked as an adult, do you cry? Have you ever been spanked to tears? I have not cried during a spanking as an adult, but I also have not experienced an incredibly intense spanking either. I would very much like my next serious partner to be able to develop enough trust with me so we can take spankings to this level of intensity.

Have you had a birthday spanking as an adult? Yes, more than one. I’ve also willingly taken my Doms’ birthday spankings for them.

Have you ever been spanked in the workplace? No.

Would you ever want to be spanked in the workplace? Maybe? Under the right circumstances when no one else is in the building and there’s next to no chance of getting caught. Public sex/spanking really isn’t my thing. I don’t really see this ever being something that happens for me.

Have you ever been spanked in a cemetery? No. I’d consider it in a rural area.

Have you ever been spanked in a church? No, not as a child or an adult. I’d love to be spanked in some old church ruins in a rural British area. That seems totally appropriate.

Have you been spanked on a wet bottom? Not as an adult. It’s on my list of things to do.

My mother gave me one wet bottom spanking that I remember as a child, but I was so shocked and traumatized that I was even getting spanked that I don’t think I noticed a difference as to if it was more painful or not.

Have you ever asked anyone but a partner for a spanking? Not yet.

How old were you when you got your first spanking as an adult? In my thirties. I don’t know exactly how old I was.

How long has it been since you got spanked as an adult? Way too fucking long.

Do you ever try to get a spanking? Yes, I am a total brat to urge my Doms to spank me. They know when I’m asking for a funishment.

Do you find spankings embarrassing as an adult? Talking about my childhood spankings, yes. That’s part of why I have been blogging about them to try to break down some of the pain and shame associated with them

Getting a spanking from my partner as an adult in private? Definitely not. I enjoy them and need them.

Did you get spanked on your wedding day/night? No, not from family nor from husband. I suspect my dad wanted to give me a disciplinary spanking a few days before the wedding because he was frustrated that I wasn’t doing what he wanted related to the wedding. He didn’t, and things would not have been good if he had tried as I was a legal adult at that point. It would have ended our strained relationship permanently.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a romantic one from my husband either. If/when I remarry, I am going to make sure my new husband knows that being spanked on my wedding day is a priority. I wouldn’t mind walking down the aisle with a red bottom, and I wouldn’t mind a reprise in the honeymoon suite!

Like many kinky people, I was trapped in a vanilla marriage for a very long time. Unlike many kinky people, I actually did manage to “convert” my (now ex-) husband after more than a decade of attempts. I don’t recommend taking that path. It was a lot of work, and it caused a lot of pain for me along the way.

So how did I do it? How do you convert a vanilla? My experience is that it is an arduous process. Think about a snail running a marathon or even a 100m race for that matter. There’s no way to make it faster. The conversion just took time and persistence. That’s not to say that I was bugging my ex every single day for kinky sex. Sometimes we would go years before I would bring kink up again because he had shot me down so thoroughly the last time I tried.

However, my general approach was to figure out which kink he was most likely to be attracted to. My primary kink is usually spanking (except with this hormonal crap of late…). However, spanking was a total turn off for him. He had no interest. He didn’t want to hurt me. He didn’t see the appeal. He wasn’t going to do something that “weird.”

On the other hand, this same guy loved tying knots. He had learned from his dad when sailing, so any time he got his hand on a piece of twine or rope, he’d fiddle with it, tying knots. To me, it didn’t seem like a huge jump from tying knots in rope for fun to tying up a woman using rope and knots. However, his brain couldn’t make that connection. So slowly I worked him up to it. I bought the rope and showed it to him, but it stayed in the closet because he didn’t want to use it. When I was under the influence of various legal substances and more relaxed than usual, I would get brave enough talk to him about my fantasies involving rope in bed. Then, one day, suddenly it clicked. He figured out that he liked tying knots in rope, and bondage was just tying knots in rope with a naked woman involved. I brought out the rope, and finally, after so many years of prepping, he was ready to begin exploring this kink with me on rare occasions.

Honestly, it took a sex therapist getting involved before I could get him to do anything else kinky with me. He was resistant to so many sexual acts outside of missionary position penis-in-vagina sex. Our therapist began putting pressure on him to actually try some kink as a way of improving our relationship—such a radical concept which I had been trying to get through to him for years! However, my ex was able to hear it from the male sex therapist in a way that he couldn’t hear me. I think having another man telling him that it was ok to do these things gave him psychological permission to try things he felt were taboo. In the last year of our marriage, the sex became the best it had ever been for me because there was finally kink involved. It wasn’t enough to salvage the very damaged relationship, but it was enough to make my life a little happier.

As we were divorcing, we had a few brutal final fights. One of my ex’s parting comments to me was that it was all my fault that he wasn’t going to be able to just date “normal” women now. He wasn’t going to be happy unless he was in a kinky relationship because he had learned to love bondage that much by the end. Of course, I had absolutely no sympathy for his “problem” of needing to find bondage bunnies in the future. I didn’t actually convert him. All I really did was help him become aware of what was already inside of him. What I did was help break down the barriers he had put up to kinky sex, and now he was being forced to deal with his own true sexual desires.