In my language the deacon intones, "marilah kita berdoa kepada Tuhan" at the beginning of every litany, the English equivalent being "let us pray to the Lord". However that day, the deacon slipped and said dosa instead of doa. The whole thing then became "let us sin against The Lord". The priest promptly responded with what he claims to be 500 Lord have mercies. The deacon made the mistake not once, but he did it for every litany during that liturgy, and each time the priest, and later the people, responded with 500 Lord have mercies.

LMAO. Oh my goodness!

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She's touring the facility/and picking up slack.--"For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow." Ecclesiastes 1:18--I once believed in causes too, I had my pointless point of view --Life went on no matter who was wrong or right

Today, in church, the subdeacon dropped the candle lighter, which is one of those barbecue-type lighters that looks sort of like a plastic gun. The lighter fell in the entranceway of the Royal Doors. I'm sure the poor fellow was pretty sheepish when the priest handed the thing back to him.

With no permanent deacon, we have a revolving door of occasional visiting deacons, usually not of our diocese (or even jurisdiction). The most common is a deacon whose family lives nearby. Multiple heirarchical commemoration mishaps have occurred, including chanting the wrong city for the bishop ("Atlanta", instead of "Dallas") and forgetting the name of our hierarch altogether and having to have the priest whisper it to him (both during the Great Entrance).

Gospel Reading mishaps occur because of this as well, since us poor servers never know where the deacon is going to read from (as it could be from the solea or from the bema). Once, I recall all of the servers setting up for a reading at the solea, just to have the deacon exit the beautiful gate and walk right past them to the center of the nave. All of the servers then had to shuffle over to the new location.

Our priest accidentally set his service book on fire one morning during the psalter reading at Daily Matins. He got it put out and still uses that book, but there is one page that is almost entirely missing, which we see him flip by every Saturday night during Vigil, which always causes me to chuckle.

Here's one that I did myself: While serving at Vigil, I realized after God is the Lord that a new charcoal had not been lit (it is our practice to light a second one during the Six Psalms) and so I rushed to get it lit, which didn't quite work. I had to hand off the dying censer to the priest after the troparia were sung, but another server helped me to place the new charcoal on top of the remnant of the first (which also had incense on it) along with a little more incense so the priest could cense the nave (when he needs it, our priest will cense the altar, then stop by where we keep the incense and hold out the censer for us to "refill"). However, what we didn't think of was the fact that we had created, in essence, an "incense sandwich" with the two charcoals being the bread...and then topped it with incense. This caused not only the new incense to burn, but the old incense to burn VERY RAPIDLY. This caused WAAAY too much smoke, and even ran one family that is particularly sensitive out of the nave for the rest of the service. Suffice it to say, as soon as the priest finished with that censing, we fixed our error.

« Last Edit: December 02, 2011, 01:40:14 AM by Benjamin the Red »

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"Hades is not a place, no, but a state of the soul. It begins here on earth. Just so, paradise begins in the soul of a man here in the earthly life. Here we already have contact with the divine..." -St. John, Wonderworker of Shanghai and San Francisco, Homily On the Sunday of Orthodoxy

With no permanent deacon, we have a revolving door of occasional visiting deacons, usually not of our diocese (or even jurisdiction). The most common is a deacon whose family lives nearby. Multiple heirarchical commemoration mishaps have occurred, including chanting the wrong city for the bishop ("Atlanta", instead of "Dallas") and forgetting the name of our hierarch altogether and having to have the priest whisper it to him (both during the Great Entrance).

Gospel Reading mishaps occur because of this as well, since us poor servers never know where the deacon is going to read from (as it could be from the solea or from the bema). Once, I recall all of the servers setting up for a reading at the solea, just to have the deacon exit the beautiful gate and walk right past them to the center of the nave. All of the servers then had to shuffle over to the new location.

Our priest accidentally set his service book on fire one morning during the psalter reading at Daily Matins. He got it put out and still uses that book, but there is one page that is almost entirely missing, which we see him flip by every Saturday night during Vigil, which always causes me to chuckle.

Here's one that I did myself: While serving at Vigil, I realized after God is the Lord that a new charcoal had not been lit (it is our practice to light a second one during the Six Psalms) and so I rushed to get it lit, which didn't quite work. I had to hand off the dying censer to the priest after the troparia were sung, but another server helped me to place the new charcoal on top of the remnant of the first (which also had incense on it) along with a little more incense so the priest could cense the nave (when he needs it, our priest will cense the altar, then stop by where we keep the incense and hold out the censer for us to "refill"). However, what we didn't think of was the fact that we had created, in essence, an "incense sandwich" with the two charcoals being the bread...and then topped it with incense. This caused not only the new incense to burn, but the old incense to burn VERY RAPIDLY. This caused WAAAY too much smoke, and even ran one family that is particularly sensitive out of the nave for the rest of the service. Suffice it to say, as soon as the priest finished with that censing, we fixed our error.

I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on. Ok, no biggie right? Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot. Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew. One thing that gets me is the 21 gun salute the vetrans of foreigh wars (VFW) do graveside. The like to shoot the blanks pointed in the crowds' direction. Um, I plug my ears, I don't care, it's loud. I've burned a few holes in the rug, who hasn't?

At my Parish there are three Priests and one time they were all walking down the altar to sit down for the sermon and then afterward, when they were going back up to get the Eucharist ready and everything, one of the Priests tripped on the stairs and nearly fell, but caught his balance last minute. Thought we'd have to get an ambulance if he fell, he is an older guy.

I chant at my parish's baptisms, weddings, and funerals. I've been doing this since 1976. At a Baptism not too long ago, after the priest administered the Holy Chrism, I boldly chanted the hymn of Pentecost, "Blessed are you, Christ our God..." The chanting was practically an involuntary action--I gave no thought to it and didn't realize what I had done 'till some time after I finished. My priest smiled at me and said it must have been an inspiration.

I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on. Ok, no biggie right? Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot. Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew.

LOL oh this so funny!

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To God be the Glory in all things! Amen!

Only pray for me, that God would give me both inward and outward strength, that I may not only speak, but truly will; and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. St.Ignatius of Antioch.Epistle to the Romans.

I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on. Ok, no biggie right? Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot. Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew.

LOL oh this so funny!

One time at the graveside I sang podi hospodi instead of tobi hospodi. Earlier this year me and a reader were reading in a church and it was Pascha tide, I forgot the words to Christ is Risen in English and had to have the reader beside me sing it with me...I said before I chanted the hours, um, sing the Christ is Risen with me, I can't remember it in English. Yes, I am English as a first language, my mind was just thinking Ukrainian at that particular moment.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who can watch the watchmen?"No one is paying attention to your post reports"Why do posters that claim to have me blocked keep sending me pms and responding to my posts? That makes no sense.

I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on. Ok, no biggie right? Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot. Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew.

LOL oh this so funny!

One time at the graveside I sang podi hospodi instead of tobi hospodi. Earlier this year me and a reader were reading in a church and it was Pascha tide, I forgot the words to Christ is Risen in English and had to have the reader beside me sing it with me...I said before I chanted the hours, um, sing the Christ is Risen with me, I can't remember it in English. Yes, I am English as a first language, my mind was just thinking Ukrainian at that particular moment.

LOL a long time ago in my old parish during the Litany of Peace, the Deacon got out with out the book and started to recite it in Amharic, which is his first language, but in the middle of the litany he forgot the words in Amharic, so he stopped attempted to remember it by starting over, used some of the key words to remember, but soon gave up and he switched to ge'ez and the prostrated people switched their " Lord have mercy" responses from Amharic to ge'ez along with him I tried not to laugh really hard, as I wanted to commune that day and the man who taught me as a child had told me no communing if I laughed for whatever reason during the DL. I succeeded that one time, but there were many others that I did not.

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To God be the Glory in all things! Amen!

Only pray for me, that God would give me both inward and outward strength, that I may not only speak, but truly will; and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. St.Ignatius of Antioch.Epistle to the Romans.

During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.

LOL hilarious Michal!

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To God be the Glory in all things! Amen!

Only pray for me, that God would give me both inward and outward strength, that I may not only speak, but truly will; and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. St.Ignatius of Antioch.Epistle to the Romans.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who can watch the watchmen?"No one is paying attention to your post reports"Why do posters that claim to have me blocked keep sending me pms and responding to my posts? That makes no sense.

-There are times in the liturgy where our minds start to wander off. No use denying it, we all do it some time in our lives. Sometimes, we unconsciously act out what we're thinking.

One time in the liturgy, a deacon serving inside the altar with the priest had this problem. It started with the "thousand yard stare", then all of a sudden everyone sees him try to make a 3-pointer!

-In the Liturgy of St. Basil, there is a deacon response "You who are seated, stand." Since it's so short, we usually give it to the younger deacons to say. One Sunday, my brother gave this response to a young kid (~7 years old or so). But when it came time to say it, he slipped up and said "You who are Jesus stand." Our priest could barely keep his composure.

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“Many times I spoke, and as a result felt sorry, but I never regretted my silence.” -Saint Arsenius the Great

The day I was tonsured a reader was also the day the altar in our temple was consecrated by the bishop. It was a big deal, lots of visitors, many clergy, and a local news crew. So I had just finished being tonsured as a reader when the service turned to the consecration of the altar. Well the camera guy (in shorts, tee shirt and ball cap) wanted to get a better camera angle (the altar was being wrapped), and a lady near the front motioned for him to step a little closer…but he misunderstood and stepped upon the solea and stuck the nose of his camera into the door. I saw what was about to happen, said, "No, no, no" in a something a bit above above a whisper, and lurched forward to intercept him. Unfortunately between me and him was the corner of the Bema…and I was vested, off balance and with tangled feet, I went flying, sprawled out on the floor in front of the holy doors. Everyone's attention was suddenly on me, and many were laughing or trying not to…well almost everyone. The instant the cameraman took it upon himself to step through the holy doors, the deacon took him in hand, relieved him of his hat, with the bishop's permission let him get a quick shot, and then with stern face turned him over to another in the altar to escort him out the back through the sacistry. I was uninjured except for a small spiral fracture in my anterior dignity.

Not in the church proper, but in the hall next door: at our first Bible Study class last year, the priest went into the maintenance cabinet to switch on the overhead lights. Well, he tried one set, and then another, and nothing happened. Finally he must have picked one and given up.

Another Royal Door mistake: I walked through the Royal doors when I was five or six, and crossed directly in front of the altar. On Pascha 2009, I forgot to say " And to thy spirit, Alleluia in the 1st tone" and I just said " Alleluia in Tone 1" and I missed the first verse.In 2006? I had an allergic reaction on Holy Saturday and ended up scratching myself until I bled. There was another time when I got wax all over myself while serving in the altar. My sleeves were ruined, and my mom had to iron my dress shirt' collar

The day I was tonsured a reader was also the day the altar in our temple was consecrated by the bishop. It was a big deal, lots of visitors, many clergy, and a local news crew. So I had just finished being tonsured as a reader when the service turned to the consecration of the altar. Well the camera guy (in shorts, tee shirt and ball cap) wanted to get a better camera angle (the altar was being wrapped), and a lady near the front motioned for him to step a little closer…but he misunderstood and stepped upon the solea and stuck the nose of his camera into the door. I saw what was about to happen, said, "No, no, no" in a something a bit above above a whisper, and lurched forward to intercept him. Unfortunately between me and him was the corner of the Bema…and I was vested, off balance and with tangled feet, I went flying, sprawled out on the floor in front of the holy doors. Everyone's attention was suddenly on me, and many were laughing or trying not to…well almost everyone. The instant the cameraman took it upon himself to step through the holy doors, the deacon took him in hand, relieved him of his hat, with the bishop's permission let him get a quick shot, and then with stern face turned him over to another in the altar to escort him out the back through the sacistry. I was uninjured except for a small spiral fracture in my anterior dignity.

As someone who works for a news organization, I can assure you this is absolutely normal photographer behavior.

*****

More than once I have had a child start to squirm in my arms, fuss and then suddenly scream, "I NEED TO POOP!" during a quiet moment in the liturgy.

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Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who can watch the watchmen?"No one is paying attention to your post reports"Why do posters that claim to have me blocked keep sending me pms and responding to my posts? That makes no sense.

Once a deacon was intoning a litany and his voice went falsetto. The choir froze as there was no way they could sing that high. Finally everyone broke up laughing.

I have an enormous range, so I tend to pick notes out of the air which aren't exactly easy for other people to reach.

I wasn't there for this one: the organist in high school typically improvised communion music. One time, for whatever reason, communion dragged on and on. To keep things interesting, he would modulate to another key, and so on, and on this Sunday he realized that (a) he had modulated into a totally artificial key with eight flats--more than the keyboard actually has, and that (b) he had absolutely no idea how he was going to get back to the home key of the piece. So he simply lift his hands from the keyboard and put them back down in the original key.

One time at vespers, there were some punk skateboarder kids (reminded me of my high school self) riding around right outside the chapel. They were making a ton of noise. It was a very small vespers service, so the kids probably didnt think anyone was in there as there were only a couple cars in the lot. (Not like they cared anyways)

The priest had to do something, so he went and stood right in front of the window, motioning them to leave. He had to do this several times. I began to laugh hysterically because I used to skateboard in places I wasnt allowed to also. The priest probably scared the heck out of those kids with his foot-long beard and fancy vestments, glaring at them through the window. I just couldnt help but think about how me and my friends wouldve reacted back in the day. We would have thought it was the most incredible thing ever. Those kids will always tell the story of the bearded crazy man in a robe they saw down at the church while skateboarding.

It really was funny, but I guess you had to be there.

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Even if we have thousands of acts of great virtue to our credit, our confidence in being heard must be based on God's mercy and His love for men. Even if we stand at the very summit of virtue, it is by mercy that we shall be saved.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who can watch the watchmen?"No one is paying attention to your post reports"Why do posters that claim to have me blocked keep sending me pms and responding to my posts? That makes no sense.

The little son of one of the subdeacons walks up to the altar area quite often. The child is about 1 or 2. Once he walked up to Father during the sermon. Father smiled and waved, and the boy's mom took him back to his seat. Once in chapel, when the baby started walking up the carpet in the small central aisle, Father turned around and censed him and went right back to censing the icons.

on st gregory palamas sunday a little server at the english liturgy had too much wine - poor fellow was drunk afterwards. On the same day at the slavonic liturgy, the deacon exclaimed WISDOM in georgian (sibvrdnis) and the choir answered Lord have mercy (upalo shevgitskalen).

One rural parish in the area was visited by the delegation from Kenya. They sung at some parts of the Liturgy in Kikuyu language (the Liturgy was served in Church Slavonic) and that time we had Pentesagion instead of Trisagion.

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one more:

During the marriage ceremony I've recently attended one little girl (age of 5 or something like that) started to scream "When will the prayers end and we can eat?".

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who can watch the watchmen?"No one is paying attention to your post reports"Why do posters that claim to have me blocked keep sending me pms and responding to my posts? That makes no sense.

Once our bishop was visiting, and despite writing "Eis Polla" into our service books at the right places, we still failed to sing it every time. Father covered for us, though the hesitant singing of half the people amplified the fail tenfold. (God bless our bishops; they probably see parishes at their worst.)

I recently got asked to read the epistle. After I said "Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia," I firmly closed the book and walked off, and the choir was looking at me in horror. I realized what I did and madly searched for the correct verses, which I did eventually find, but those moments of crickets were awful.

Once our bishop was visiting, and despite writing "Eis Polla" into our service books at the right places, we still failed to sing it every time. Father covered for us, though the hesitant singing of half the people amplified the fail tenfold. (God bless our bishops; they probably see parishes at their worst.)

A pretty common blunder is at the end of a service when we normally sing "Father bless!" With a bishop it's "Master bless!", but how often choirs forget and sing "Father bless!" anyway. Even worse is when half the choir remember and the other half don't, or the choir remember only after they started incorrectly and try to correct themselves mid-word--it comes out sounding somewhat like "Faster bless!"

I also enjoy the long version of Eis Polla sung at the Dismissal. We sing it in Greek for some reason, but no one knows the words, so it's mostly mumbling until we get to the Eis Polla part at the end.

I thought I would change the tone of this thread with a recent liturgical success story.

As Father was returning the Precious Gifts to the table of preparation, he began to intone "arise, having received the divine, holy, pure, &c.", and experienced an obvious mental blank at "pure". I whispered the next two words and he continued aloud.

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:- Who of you has confessed the feline?

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who can watch the watchmen?"No one is paying attention to your post reports"Why do posters that claim to have me blocked keep sending me pms and responding to my posts? That makes no sense.

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:- Who of you has confessed the feline?

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:- Who of you has confessed the feline?

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who can watch the watchmen?"No one is paying attention to your post reports"Why do posters that claim to have me blocked keep sending me pms and responding to my posts? That makes no sense.

When I was very young I was being naughty in Church..humming, spinning, really just being a brat.My mother picked me up to carry me out and probably spank me and I started screaming "Help I'm being kidnapped" It did not go over well but Father laughed...

Oh man, a year back we trained a new Altar Server to use the Censer during Liturgy. We also told him to memorize a reading which the Thurifier traditionally chants before the Gospel. This reading goes like this:

Quote

Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give heed and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

Unfortunately for the poor guy, the Service Book he uses has a rather egregious typo. In retrospect, someone should really have warned him about it, but we assumed since he's heard everyone pronounce it the right way for all his life it shouldn't be a problem. I suppose you all know what happens when you assume. So, when the appointed time came, he, having memorized the faulty version, when the time for the Gospel came, naively exhorts the congregation at the top of his voice like this:

Quote

Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give head and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

It took all I had not to start laughing right there in the middle of the Altar.

Oh man, a year back we trained a new Altar Server to use the Censer during Liturgy. We also told him to memorize a reading which the Thurifier traditionally chants before the Gospel. This reading goes like this:

Quote

Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give heed and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

Unfortunately for the poor guy, the Service Book he uses has a rather egregious typo. In retrospect, someone should really have warned him about it, but we assumed since he's heard everyone pronounce it the right way for all his life it shouldn't be a problem. I suppose you all know what happens when you assume. So, when the appointed time came, he, having memorized the faulty version, when the time for the Gospel came, naively exhorts the congregation at the top of his voice like this:

Quote

Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give head and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

It took all I had not to start laughing right there in the middle of the Altar.