6

2

5.3

4.5

4.4

.586

.567

28.9%

36.5%

65.4%

0.4%

13.0%

5

2

5.3

5.3

5.2

.621

.640

22.5%

18.0%

40.6%

1.5%

3.9%

Hector Noesi was designated for assignment as soon as the team discovered his name is an anagram for "Not Cheerios." And who doesn't love Cheerios?

4

5

2

4.5

4.3

4.2

.564

.545

15.2%

11.3%

26.5%

2.0%

3.4%

18th century pirates didn't regress to the mean, so why should these ones?

5

5

2

5.0

5.3

5.4

.617

.598

20.1%

17.0%

37.2%

2.1%

10.0%

The downside of a three-homer game on the road is now Ryan Braun has that many more apology phone calls to make.

6

4

2

3.7

3.6

3.5

.573

.593

52.9%

9.8%

62.7%

-4.9%

-0.4%

And the least popular carnival game in a recent survey according to the Society Of Crooked Carnies is the Throw The Ball Past Miguel Cabrera At Third Base booth.

7

5

3

5.7

5.4

5.4

.550

.530

2.2%

4.0%

6.2%

-1.3%

0.3%

Giancarlo Stanton had that wonderful dream again where he tethers himself to his own home run and leaves Miami forever :)

8

4

3

3.4

2.9

2.9

.479

.499

17.3%

10.5%

27.8%

4.4%

0.9%

Over the weekend Cleveland traded for Colt Hynes for Duke von Schamann and Preston Guilmet for Torsten Boss. In a related story, your name is boring and stupid.

9

4

3

4.5

4.9

5.0

.587

.606

26.9%

18.7%

45.7%

-3.1%

3.3%

Theory: Daric Barton was actually released three years ago but nobody told him or the manager and he kept showing up.

10

4

3

3.9

4.8

5.0

.567

.547

20.1%

20.9%

41.0%

-0.8%

5.1%

Craig Kimbrel currently has a 0.00 WHIP in three innings with six strikeouts. Small sample size, but that number should soon regress to -50.00 WHIP and all strikeouts.

11

6

3

4.9

5.9

5.7

.604

.585

62.5%

23.8%

86.2%

-2.4%

-6.0%

The MRI on Yasiel Puig's thumb took forever because they had to keep telling him not to slide into the machine head first.

12

5

3

3.9

3.4

3.4

.517

.497

50.8%

13.9%

64.7%

0.4%

-0.3%

Jhonny Peralta has two hits on the season, both of them home runs. He'll run the bases when he's darn ready.

13

3

4

3.3

3.3

3.2

.467

.447

7.4%

8.5%

15.9%

-3.3%

-2.8%

There have been eight three-homer games by players in Citizens Bank Park. Two of them (Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth) was done by a Phillie.

14

4

4

3.0

3.7

3.4

.481

.501

16.0%

17.8%

33.8%

-7.0%

-0.1%

In Yangervis Solarte, the Yankees finally have something the Red Sox don't: a hitting sensation cast off by the Minnesota Twins!

15

3

4

3.1

2.7

2.7

.428

.447

5.2%

3.0%

8.2%

1.1%

1.9%

Joe Mauer moves to first base and yet his backup has 11 more RBI than him.

16

3

4

2.9

2.0

2.1

.411

.392

4.7%

6.0%

10.7%

0.5%

-2.6%

Lifehack: bet a penny on Bartolo Colon winning a Silver Slugger; retire the richest man in the Western Hemisphere and spend all your time reading great Hit List jokes and drinking purified water from the sultan's personal refrigerator.

17

3

4

3.2

3.8

4.1

.496

.516

14.1%

7.4%

21.5%

-3.2%

-0.4%

The Royals don't have a home run yet, as they're all waiting for Billy Butler to leg one out inside the park.