Hey Guys.. just sad and venting tonight a lil. I've been in NC 16 months from my ex of 9 years. It was NC by his request.. he broke up via email with me and told me not to contact him ever again. He had just decided to move on etc. I haven't heard or seen him since we were long distance.

Why is it that I still have days where the pain is still so fresh? I'll be doing fine and the smallest thing will trigger it. I think it's the holidays that are bringing back the memories more than ever. I just feel like he is eternally punishing me because he bottled in whatever it was that upset him about me at the time and just didn't have the nerve to tell me back then .. so we could handle it back then.

I just don't understand .. if he only felt 1% of the pain i have felt over all this time the person I knew would have reached out to me in some way. Instead he pushed me far away.. blocking me on twitter, deleting me off of facebook... just vanished.

I have moved on.. lost weight made new friends am dating etc. I feel prepared to date because I have to start somewhere. This isn't something I can sit and wait to go away i'm going to be 32. I just don't know how it all felt to pieces without me even being clued in. How can you go from loving someone .. planning a future with them etc. to vanishing. Why doesn't he ever miss me.. was I that horrible to him? Man.. I just feel like i'm being punished.

The pain is so excruciating because you loved him. You were in love! He occupied your heart. The pain will subside. Him leaving the relationship so open-ended is probable cause for most of your pain. You have questions and Im sure you want answers and it "appears" as though you are not going to get them. Based on what you wrote, it seems that you are trying get in his head and know what he is thinking. It was a 9 year r/l, that is a long time. Dont be sure that theyre arent little things that remind him of you. He does think about you......

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