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Saturday, July 9, 2011

Vacation from Mildred

$10 says you're either thinking of Forrest Gump or Bobby McFerrin right now.

I turned 35 last week. This may not seem like a big deal to most but it is to me. I'm pretty sure it's because I once had a friend tell me that 35 is closer to 50 than it is to 20. Let that sink in a bit. I've forgiven him for saying this mostly because he turns 40 in a few weeks. Ha!
Also, Princess Diana was 35 when she died and I recall thinking how old she seemed. I was only 21 at the time. Stupid, young, me. 35 is also the first age I remember my mom being. She seemed old, too. When L.E. is the same age I was when I realized how old my mom is, I'll be staring down the 40 barrel, too. (Did your head just explode?)
I've accomplished a lot in 35 years. I don't feel as if I'm wrestling with a lack of fulfillment or anything like that. But with the effects of PPD still lingering, there is some elusive happiness missing. There really is no reason why I should be depressed right now. My marriage, child, friends, family, job, etc are all better than ever. But I still have the feeling that Mildred is lurking by, ready to rear her goth-y head.
So I decided to take matters into my own hands for a change. I made a list of things I can to do eliminate Mildred in my life. Or at least make her take a vacation.

1. Quit drinking.
There. I said it. Let the judgment begin.
I haven't had a drink since my birthday. I'm not an alcoholic per se but I do love to drink. And I can't stop at just one glass of wine. OK, so maybe there are shades of alcoholism there. Mostly, I quit drinking to see if I could without missing it. And ya know, I don't miss it! I actually feel better. Happier.
We went to a concert in the park last night and several people offered to buy me a beer or a glass of wine. It was such a non-issue to say no.
I don't know how long this foray into sobriety will last. But I'm glad it's not as big of a deal as I thought it was going to be.
That being said, don't be afraid to invite me out for a drink. I'll still recommend wine for you and I'm still set on going to a beer/grilled cheese pairing dinner next week. Mostly for the grilled cheese part.
Try not to laugh as you keep reading.

2. Lose 20 lbs.
I'm serious about it this time. Because the whole diet/exercise thing doesn't seem to work for me, I ordered some crazy supplement that Dr. Oz was touting. I'm not really into the whole Cult of Oprah but Dr. Oz is ridiculously likable and looks hot in scrubs. He made a good case for sea buckthorn and I'm convinced because it promotes colon health, clears up your skin and does your taxes all in one easy-to-swallow shot of juice!

Is this handsome face capable of lying?

I work full time, I have a 16-month old, it's 90 million degrees out and I eat dinner at 8:00 every night. Not really a recipe for a healthy lifestyle. I must be one of those people who would have to work out for hours and hours a day and eat only vegetables to see any sort of results. Not. Gonna. Happen. If this sea buckthorn doesn't work, I'm going to look into that HCG diet...

3. Write more.
Lucky you.
Seriously, I love writing and it makes me happy. It especially makes me happy when I run into people I haven't seen in-person for a while* tell me they love this blog. It genuinely means so much to me!

4. Hug L.E. any chance I get.
Lucky her.

5. Be OK with the way things are instead of constantly worrying.
I'm tired of losing sleep over not returning a phone call or being convinced all of my new co-workers hate me. (Nobody says hi to me when they come in. It's not me, it's lack of caffeine. I'm sure of it!)
I can't sweat the small stuff. I have a lot going on and I can't cover all of the bases all of the time. Rather than worry and cry about the fact that I don't have time to dust or vacuum, my house is going to be a little messy for a little while longer. I'm going to be OK with this.

This is a lot to contend with all at once and truthfully, I thought I would have broken down by now. But strangely, I've laughed through more things this week than anything else. So what if my logo designs didn't get past the first round? I designed a t-shirt the client LOVED. It's a trade-off, always.

I'll post a report on my progress. I'm not aiming for Happy Sister Mary Sunshine here; I just want to be OK.

*I ran into a sweet gal from my prenatal yoga class a few weeks ago. She introduced me to her husband as, "the lady whose blog makes me laugh hysterically." It felt so good to hear that, I almost cried. This nice family is going through so much. Please take a minute and read their story here.