The Misconception of the Boss Woman

AIN’T NOTHING TO A REAL ONE…OR IS IT

The word boss surrounds us in multiple areas in our lives. From the jobs we work to the endless Instagram captions, hash tags, and memes on stories, we are constantly faced with the idea of what a boss is or isn’t. Mr. Carter himself let us know with a quickness that “you’re not a boss you got a boss” (Personally I slightly chuckle all while grabbing my chest from feeling attacked every time I play the song.) It is easy to get lost in an abysmal notion of what we have to achieve, do or have before earning the title of a boss. We live in a world where it is easy to be enthralled with having titles attached to our names. Often the perception of having one will suffice. How many of us know what a boss really is or more so what it isn’t?

In October I was blessed with the opportunity to be recognized at the second annual Boss Women of the Year Awards. The event curated by Dallas brand Boss Women Media strives to honor various women for their efforts via a night of pampering and networking. Guests received gems from powerhouse ladies in their respective fields of entrepreneurship, corporate jobs, creatives and more. Before the awards, we taped videos giving our own definition of what a boss was. My definition of being a boss is taking the talents that God has granted you with and investing them into other people. This has been one of the reoccurring themes over the past two years where I had to recognize that if there was something I was good at it meant isn’t meant for my own selfish use but I also had to understand that that energy isn’t meant for everyone.

When it came time to choose my word for our custom bracelet from My Intent, it was an easy decision to choose the word balance.The central theme of my brand is living in your “and.” You will always be who you are in addition to who God is calling you to be, and a friend, a girlfriend, sister, employee, employer, mother, and the list goes on. The and is often not only where our purpose connects but where we find the balance between everything. In doing so I can admit that I’ve acted like I was okay more times than I wasn’t, put on a facade like sh*t is sweet when it’s as sour as freshly squeezed lemons. I had to grow into understanding balance is also about understanding what and who I am as well as what I am and who I’m not and being willing to address, accept and amend things about myself that I didn’t want to face.

Our keynote speaker Angela Rye took the stage deliver a significant message while challenging the rows of women, especially myself, to dismantle our everyday perception of what a boss woman meant. We were to replace it with a better understanding of who she is and isn’t. I found that during her speech I was also being tasked with dismantling parts of myself.

What being a Boss Woman isn’t:

Aimless ambition. Everything and everyone around her suffer because she is chasing her goals. How many of us have been guilty of chasing the bag or the next step we forget the people who have been holding our hands along the way?

Being so goal driven that she hasn’t even gut checked to see if it’s even her purpose or her true goal.

“Damn it. I’ll do it”. If she wants something done right, she asks for help.

Graceless Grudges. Every mistake isn’t the same. Not everything is worth cutting off. The greatest skill we can have is seeing perspective.

Harmful Hustle. When the hustle means she will be so goal oriented that she is willing to run over people to get to her goal. That is hustling backward.

Perfectionism Poster. It’s a demon. An image to uphold. Do it all and be it all, all while not dropping the ball. She lies to herself and those around her by trying to do everything. Ponder on who you know that is perfect and maybe you can free yourself. She grants her permission to receive grace.

Tough Talk. She is not bigger when she cuts someone down to size to make them small. It scares us to let people in because of being hurt.

WHAT BEING A BOSS WOMAN IS:

Having the authority to empower versus overpowering.

Healthy. We don’t even let our yeses be true yeses. She has to check on the condition of her mind, heart, and soul. Stop lying to the person who asks.

Planter. She must water, she must sprout. As she grows in her career and her finances, she must grow in character.

Rebukes that “no” spirit.

Understands who she is growing into with her grown self.

Loves one another. Loves her community. Loves herself. What is she saying about herself?

The same way that Cousin Angela tasked us with taking our mind and ourselves apart, I’m tasking you with the same. How will you define your Boss?