Ever had the overwhelming urge to turn a carrot into a phallus? I sure have! LADIES? RIGHT, LADIES? As if emergency rooms aren't already filled with unfortunate vegetable-in-delicate-places mishaps, your dream might become a reality if this conceptual design is snatched up by some intrepid entrepreneur. And while I don't really see any hygienic benefits to the practical use of this tool, it would be a pretty neat party ice-breaker to turn a candle into a dick.

A Vienna-based designer named Francesco Morackini has conceptualized (yes, only conceptualized: this shit ain't gonna be at Babeland for awhile) the Dildomaker, based on the 1933 Loewy pencil sharpener you might recognize from your early school days, especially if you went to a crappy, underfunded public school like I did. Or if you're steampunk.

It's designed to turn the tip of any long, cylindrical home object into the approximate shape of an ersatz wang. Some of the graphics included in Morackini's design: the aforementioned carrot and candle, a hot dog (a tried-and-true masturbation urban legend standard), and a tree branch. Oww.