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Martial

Latin poet from Hispania

Laugh if you are wise.

Marcus Valerius Martialis (March, between 38 and 41 CE–between 102 and 104 CE) was born at Bilbilis, a small town in the north-east of Spain (Hispania). He is commonly known in the English speaking world as Martial. He was a scathing satirist, often writing highly derogatory poems of his acquaintances — including his patrons — which he published under the title of Epigrammata. Though not the first Roman poet to write in an epigrammatic style he is widely considered to have brought the epigram to its acme as a literary genre; thus he is rightly considered the 'Father of the Epigram.'

You invite no one except (someone) with whom you are bathed, Cotta
And only baths provide guest(s) for you.
I was wondering why you had never called me, Cotta:
Now I know that nude me was displeasing to you.

I, 23.

I do not love thee, Sabidius, nor can I say why; this only I can say, I do not love thee.

Barbarian hordes on mass you fuck,
Odd types into your bed you tuck.
You take on blacks and Asian forces,
And Jews, and soldiers, and their horses.
Yet you, voracious Roman chick,
Have never known a Roman dick.

Virtue extends our days: he lives two lives who relives his past with pleasure.

X, 23. Alternatively translated as "The good man prolongs his life; to be able to enjoy one’s past life is to live twice", in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919). Compare "For he lives twice who can at once employ / The present well, and e'en the past enjoy", Alexander Pope, Imitation of Martial.