Festival Pill Test confirms ten-bag you just copped is full of duds

B-Side is our latest news section breaking the stories you won’t read about anywhere else. Hard hitting news off the back of a truck that we published without fact checking.

The Canberra leg of Groovin The Moo has confirmed pill testing will take place this year and we couldn’t be happier about this. With the event taking place this weekend, the pill testing kits have now come into question for their legitimacy, so we decided to run a trial test this morning at the B-Side offices to figure it all out.

Toby Edwards, a 21-year-old chippy from the Sutherland Shire, was happy to put his hand up as the first to trial to the test, bringing forth a small supply of pills he acquired from “a mate of a mate down Caringbah way”.

Toby’s ten-bag of Pink Mitsubishi’s were purchased on the day of the trial, and he told us – from reports of mutual friends in the area – that they are “meant to be pretty bloody good.” Much to Toby’s surprise and disappointment, however, the test results determined his pills were extremely low in MDMA and high in paracetamol and a food colouring make-up. They are, as Toby put it, “a pack of duds”.

“Pretty pissed about this to be honest, ay.” Toby explained. “My mate Jonno was raving about these last weekend. I’m out a few pineapples on these. I’ll be having words with the bloke I got them from, that’s for bloody sure.”

Thankfully, Toby now knows what were in the pills he planned to feast on, and has made the decision to dispose of them. Well done, Toby, and well done Groovin The Moo for being the first Aussie festival to run pill testing. It’s been a long time coming and it’s a great step forward in preventing death and duds!