~Wednesday, May 06, 2009

When issues with Scott and me became public to friends and family, they rallied around me and literally packed up my apartment in 3 hours. I was too hurt--too out of it--to be much help. "Well breathe for you," said my closest girl pal Harvey. I just had to point to what was mine and it was gone.

Two days later everyone sighs and smiles. "Sarah is safe," they congratulate themselves. But the phone is silent and all of a sudden, no one is here to breathe for me anymore. They forgot about me. I'm supposed to be feeling better and I've never felt worse, or lonelier, or more confused. I listened to them and I lost my best friend, the one who always would call...

And it makes me want to run back as if I were on fire. Because the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.

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comments:

Is it really? I don't know what's actually happened of course, but if it was bad enough that you left, then the devil you don't know probably is miles better than the one you do. It just don't feel like it right now because you've had some trauma and you're all over the place mentally and emotionally - so you crave familiarity and comfort.

Don't fool yourself Sarah. You and Scott have had ups and downs but you've never left before, much less so within three hours. Something big happened. Don't let a few days and rose tinted glasses kid you into thinking it wasn't the big deal that it obviously was. Going from two mixed into one to one individual is a shock to the system no matter the circumstances so the way you feel is natural.

It's a cliche, but time is your best friend now. If the phone isn't ringing with friends checking up on you - and it won't be personal, everyone's busy and they'll probably expect that someone is checking in everyday, not realising that they are all assuming someone else is checking in! - pick up the phone and call them. Be honest and open about your fears and how lonely this time is and they will be there with open arms.

Let us know how you go, and if you want to share what happened, well, you know we are here to listen. x

can't add much to the lovely soupy's comment there, but she's right. Time is the only thing you have, don't go back, don't even look back, let yourself grieve and wallow and find out who you are later x

Both Soup and LizSara are right, of course. They don't mean to not call you know. Sometimes even friends don't know what to say.

If something has happened to make you leave within 3 hours, you shouldn't go back. It'll take time to realise that but, scarily, over time, you'll realise that it was the best decision you ever made. Promise. I'm finding it more so every day.

I think Blue soup has said it all! Nothing to add! But, you know I'm in the same city as you and if you need someone to hang out with, just let me know and I'll do what I can to be there or just listen.

I think Blue soup has said it all! Nothing to add! But, you know I'm in the same city as you and if you need someone to hang out with, just let me know and I'll do what I can to be there or just listen.

You're not forgotten about... no matter how lonely you're feeling right now.

I think Blue Soup said it all... at least the vast majority of the important things.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to those nearest and dearest to you -- or any of us, either. Sometimes, we give people space when they're going through big things because we don't know what they need from us and we're afraid to make a bad situation worse.

Sarah,I don't know you, but your story strikes a chord. Tell yourself, this will pass. You trusted your instincts and left. The bad stuff will pass. I promise you. Blue soup, your words are wise and true. This will pass.

If it helps, there are always those of us here in cyberspace who care about you and want you to be safe. This will be a tough time for you, and try to lean a bit on everyone since we are all here for you.

Go down to the closest hospital and find out how to volunteer in the children's ward. You can read to kids, talk to them, spend time helping out. It will take you out of your head, it will get you actively doing something, and you will be able to focus on someone other than yourself who really needs the focus. Try it?

oh yuck fuck and that sucks - I'm so sorry to read your last three posts - I have no idea (well, I can guess a bit actually) and just wanted to let you know there's a bunch of friends over here if you need us - send me your phone number and I'll call you each night if you need it... also, there is nothing that anyone can say that will make you feel better and time may take its time - but you did do the right thing to leave and you will get over this and it will get better.... xxxxxx

I truly hope you feel better about it all soon... its likely that your friends are just giving you some space right now rather than smother you... its always difficult being the friend and not knowing what you really need. I'm sure if you tell them they will be there for you in a heartbeat!

Oh how I hate being where you are, that in between space. And I've been there. We all have. Just try to keep moving forward or at least work on standing still. Backward motion is never good, no matter how oddly comfortable.

And while time has passed, I'm no less available. Meaning email if you need an ear.

Hmm, I always found those few days after everyone had left more comforting because I could finally be myself and begin to look at the pieces and see where they fit. It's like, when you're sitting on your couch (or bed) in the light of the afternoon, and you can't cry anymore tears because they just won't come. I find that's when my head clears, and it's good to be alone in those blessed moments.

Hi, I really don't know you and have just stumbled across your blog. But I do know where you are and I know that it just hurts like a bastard. Everything everybody here has said is wise and true and lovely. I wasn't ever one for the self-help book but I really would recommend 'It's a Called a Break-up Because it's Broken - The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy' - you really can't imagine how much I didn't want to read this at first (girlie, hot pink 'self-help book - yuk! And besides my relationship wasn't broken, you're wrong etc etc) but then I got desperate and read it and seriously it was so good at helping me through those first few evil weeks. It said everything my lovely friends and family were saying but somehow because it was written in print by people I didn't know, I took notice! And it made me laugh and it made me feel tough and strong, and it made me feel like I wasn't alone - horses for courses and all that but it was a little saviour for me. Take lots of care of yourself.

About the Author

Friends

Harvey: Super beautiful, super funny, super fabulous girlfriend from college and de facto leader of group of friends.Lawyered: Jewish guyfriend from kickball. His new wife is converting.Mel: Oldest friend in the world. Known each other since 13. This enables her to take the tough love response.Swayze: Sports fan and 80's music nut. Former feminine delinquent, he has since turned a pro dater on Match.com--Katie: Longtime girlfriend who was in a relationship with Schmoozer. Now living with boyfriend.Schmoozer: Extrovert male friend with a stubborn streak.Jenna: Katie's sister. In a relationship with Government Mule.Government Mule: Male friend who's sarcastic, but extremely generous.