10 Tech Clues to Uncovering a Cheating Spouse

You can’t turn on the news or open a newspaper without seeing a story about Tiger Woods’s family issues—along with salacious text messages and voicemails that he supposedly sent to his alleged mistresses. And Tiger is not alone. There have been many high-profile divorce cases and scandals that came to light through damning evidence generated by or stored on personal tech devices.

Of course, infidelity is not limited to celebrities, sports stars and politicians. According to a report in the New York Times in 2008, the General Social Survey conducted by the University of Chicago shows that 10 percent of spouses—12 percent of men and 7 percent of women—admit to having cheated just within the past year.

Anyone dubious of their spouse's faithfulness should be aware that the technology gadgets they use every day may harbor information on what they’ve been up to. Before crawling through their personal information, we advise consulting an attorney to ensure any electronic-eavesdropping or hacking laws aren't violated—if things get ugly, you don’t want that hanging over your head. And, of course, be prepared to deal with the fallout should your spouse catch you snooping. It goes without saying that following these tips demonstrates a breach of trust between married partners, something that should not be undertaken lightly.

The 10 tech clues to infidelity:

1. Look at the incoming and outgoing calls on your spouse's cell phone.

Are there numerous calls to numbers you don’t recognize, especially at odd hours of the day or night? You can often deterine who owns a particular landline number simply by entering the number into Google search.

Chances are your spouse won’t take the risk of entering the full name of the person he or she is cheating with, so look for numbers that are identified merely with initials or a first name.

3. Check the text messages and email on your spouse's cell phone.

Text messages and emails are the modern means of sending love letters, and your spouse may have kept them on their phone for ongoing enjoyment.

4. Check your spouse's voicemail messages.

Perhaps your spouse chose to save a couple of the steamy ones for later playback.

5. Look for a second cell phone or SIM card.

If your spouse is clever, he or she will be using a second cell phone—or just a second SIM card—-for communicating with their lover. Your spouse may also have been smart enough to purchase a pre-paid phone or SIM, so nothing will appear on your credit-card bills. However, people slip up occasionally. If your spouse calls you from a cell phone number you don’t recognize, that may be cause for suspicion. Try calling the other number when your spouse is home and see how they react. If you happen to find an extra SIM card, stick it in a phone and see what phone numbers are stored on it.

6. Check your spouse’s computer for any incriminating email messages.

Be sure to check the "deleted items" or "trash" folder. People frequently let their discarded emails linger for weeks before they're permanently erased. It’s also possible that your spouse may have a special email address you don’t know about for “private” communications.

7. Check your spouse's computer's browser history.

Is your spouse planning a business trip to Cleveland while browsing hotels in Las Vegas? This is where the browser history can help you out.

Also, the browser history may reveal whether they're visiting email sites (e.g., Gmail, Hotmail) where you might not have known they had an account. Did you get an email from them using the “wrong” email account? If you don’t know your spouse’s login info, most browsers give you the option of storing usernames and passwords, and it’s possible their information was saved.

8. Go online to check your spouse’s frequent- flier account.

Did they purchase an extra ticket with miles? Or are there frequent-flier miles for a trip to Las Vegas when they were supposed to be in Cleveland? It’s amazing that people are dumb enough to try to get miles when they are supposed to be covering their tracks—but they are. You may be able to log in to your spouse's account online if their login info is stored in the browser or password bank, otherwise check their email for their monthly statement.

9. Go online to check your spouse's toll pass history.

If you use E-ZPass or another toll payment system in your cars, check the online statement. Is there unusual activity showing your spouse driving on the New Jersey Turnpike when they’re supposed to be at work in Westchester?

Practically every automotive nav system, both built-in and portable, has a list of previous destinations. If the No-Tell Motel is on there and your spouse doesn’t work in the hospitality business, that’s a sign something may be up.

Discussion

From K on December 11, 2009 :: 7:37 pm

...and if you’re prepared to go through all these, end it anyway. You clearly don’t trust him, and you’re only going to make his life hell even if he’s doing nothing wrong. He’s better off without you.

assuming

From Angela Miller on April 28, 2011 :: 12:52 pm

You are assuming that the suspicious spouse is a female. Don’t forget that recent polls show 12% of men have cheated in the past year while 7% of women cheated. Seems it could be a male suspicious of his wife.

Either way I agree, without trust what is there in the relationship? What happened to cause a loss of trust in the relationship?

I agree, why waste the

Waste?

Its very easy to say its a waste. But keep in mind there are many relationships that begin with great trust and countines like that for years.

So when this changes, and you have so much invested in the relationship, it’s easier said that done to just walk away. In fact, there are many relationships/marragies that do get back on track after the suspicious partner catches them cheating. Many have become even stronger with time.

Just like anything you invest a lot into, its very difficult to walk away without atleast some effort in getting back on track.

Hi I saw you comment

From Brye on April 27, 2016 :: 11:19 pm

Hi
I saw you comment and it was two years prior.
So were you the betrayed or the betrayer? And how did you affair math unfold? And how are you now?
Do you have any advice for anyone that’s going through the avanlace, tornado, hurricane of hurtful betrayals?

Funny you say "him", not

From eddie on November 01, 2015 :: 3:19 am

Funny you say “him”, not “them”. Maybe even more so in the photo at the to it’s the man who looks at the women with suspicion. You are biased.

I agree!

You can also turn on ATT and Verizon’s family safe features to us the GPS in each of the phones to track your spouse wherever they go. That’s what I did and it worked great. I knew where my husband was at 100% of the time and I would randomly call and ask him where he was at. If he was lying I’d say that I was nearby and would stop by to say hi. It’s always fun to make your spouse panic when you think they’re lying!

I wish I were married to you

From M on June 21, 2011 :: 9:21 am

@Jill
Seriously?!?!?! I mean, when you read your message out loud, you don’t think it makes you sound possesive, paranoid or just plain crazy????
Don’t you have any sense of privacy or respect for your spouse? How would you feel if he did the same? And it’s not a question of whether you are doing something wrong or not, it’s a question of boundaries that every relationship must have!

uh helllllo

From del on September 26, 2015 :: 8:45 pm

All yall talkin about no trust are probably cheating. If you dig a little and find nothing it relieves you because of all the times you dug a little and find the other womans earrings and lipstick. You cant ask a liar. All of you that say the person with no trust is bad must be cheating. The cheater is wrong. Hope all your wives cheat on you and you can shutup when she says No way babe. I love Youuuuuuuu. (But im fkn HIM) just enjoy your little conversation there, pal

To Jill

Really? That is CREEPY...

From Holy Cow on June 06, 2012 :: 8:00 pm

...so, “you know where he is 100% of the time”. GREAT. Did he have the same access on your phone? Did you let him know you had the GPS, and that you had also installed it on YOUR phone so he could find YOU wherever you went?

If that is the case…then it’s just two tech-y people, or perhaps a wife who did it because she already has a workaround (another phone, GPS spoofer, etc.). If that’s NOT the case…then you need to just LEAVE. Seriously! Either he is a huge cheater and not worth your time, or (possibly) you are a control freak and this poor guy can’t duck into the golf shop (or, God forbid, Zales or Jared for your stupid surprise anniversary gift) while he is supposed to be at work or something.

What a lame excuse for a wife. Thank God I have a wife who trusts me, who I trust, and both for good reason. If we couldn’t trust each other, it would SUCK. Sorry for your suck life

I need help

From Jason D Crosby on August 01, 2016 :: 6:16 am

Everytime I ask my girlfriend r u cheated or talking to guys on Facebook send pictures I know one time to send picture to one of my friends she didn’t know of there anyway I can spy on her cell phone without him knowing or her Facebook please

Yeah, because why would he want to spend an extra half hour in the bar when he could be at home with his crazy, possessive wife? Seriously, he’s not your property, he’s not a child. If you can’t bring yourself to treat him like an independent adult, set him free.

Husband clearly cheated..wont admit, hard to say goodbye when kids are in mix.

I agree with GPS, why!?? My husband had been sexting, video camming, using multiple websites, watching porn, had multiple numbers, addresses and even used our 10yr. Old ipad at times. Paid for multiple privacy policies. Lied about still having internet when Charter.gave me our final bill he had been keeping. He still has private numbers popping up. I never thought after 20 years he would go on not ONE but 8 or 9..maybe more dating sites. He had hidden videos on computer, phone. Pictures of random woman. Always on phone or computer. He finally screwed up, I seen he filed for divorce! On our computer, forgetting to delete it. He claimed h3 was just UPSET!?.I than srarted to c random things from their on. We lost our home, we have 2 boys. I have been through so much with struggling with HOW do I leave, where to go. He threatens and says, I am.crazy. I have no proof. He clearly was calling and texting all day at his work. I have his old Blackberry. He gave it to me with 3 wks. Of sevice left…told me he didnt want it anymore. To sell it? He said it was deactivated. I didnt tell him I had gotton !?“Meeting Request”!?, seen a numb. Pop up it was an address to a house on his map and also had seen address written down. I hit meetimg request one night after (all b4 giving me phone 2 throw, sell)!?? 3wks. B4 bill was due. When.I hot a particular number at random, a woman showed up at the condo we had to move to with kids due to losing our home. Once phone was in my possesion, he wanted it back, saying he forgot the SIM!? I said it was tossed. The things I would c on our home computer, 6 phones prior to that one….he denied any of it. Any ideas on Blackeberry Ive had now 3 months just hoping to say; busted! He always says; u r nuts, why would I go on a dating site, i dont know who I called, I am not doing anything. Kids have suffered too much. For him to keep lying to my face is killing me. He has clearly been up to no good for as ling as 2011 when I looked back, I seen multiple emails from another acct.

Again, he has denied everything.

Again, he has denied everything. I have literally showed him an email, number, text. He woyld say; somebody is trying to ruin me. He would than get mean, aggressive. Once.I knew he was up to no good at work, I brought h lunch one day, he got mad.!? Saying, you just wanted to c if I was here. No way would he have ever talked to me that way, get angry.that I brought him lunch? He was short hours on checks, showed up early, some days late. His excuses were poor. He always says. U have NO proof. Yes, this has ruined me. He has his family thinking Im just making this up!!??? He gets poor kids in middle. Oldest has seen and been through way too much. He knows of whats happened. He is sad, always asking if things are ok. Youngest had to see Daddy pour hot coffee on Mommy after many other incidents….I am scared to lose kids, be alone, there is no way I should still be with him. I have been shunned by family for staying. Ppl that know him, say he is a flirt, always has been…always will be. Ive showed sister many things. All she needed to see was a few things and after this year of hell, for me and kids. He has not yet admitted to anything. Nor let me see PayPal creditcard statemeny, oe the other 3 cards maxed out while paying for all.those sites, trademark emails, u name it. I thought things finally stopped until I heard a beep in kids room, yet xbox was gone. Also…he is so secretive, such a liar that Im thinking he is using apps on sons xbox, which I found him on one day. It had a wifi address to a hot spot…or I thought it was a hot spot. Im assuming he has internet, still ! He is def. A con….clearly whatever is going off in kids room, btw…we moved again! Thanks to him, no I had no idea he put 1000.00 on another rental. Dont feel Ive got support. I have 3 brothers, ONE is def. Saying….he was amd prob, still is cheating. He callwd him one talking quiet, whispering!?? Yet my brother lives 3 hours away. Husband realized it was MY brother, stopped whipsering..stumbled over his words,.than.said..I was just making sure u had your sisters numbet. Omfg!!!??? Ive had same number for yrs.

Also watch what apps you have on your iphone, My wife opened up my facebook app while I was in surgery, came out of ICU and she bitched me up and down for talking to a 25 year old college girlfriend about her kids

Nice!

From Holy Cow on June 06, 2012 :: 8:02 pm

So she waited, basically, until you were helpless and unable to defend yourself, and then went snooping. NICE. Have you dumped this woman yet? Or, if you have a history of cheating, why hasn’t she dumped you? Either way, crazy behavior. Snooping your phone while you are in SURGERY, instead of, say, praying for you or waiting for you to get better is just CREEPY. RUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!

uh huh

From fedup on September 22, 2015 :: 6:06 pm

that’s what my old man tells me. I haven’t but he on the other hand is constantly deleting history, cache, cookies, a million email accts and I’m the crazy one. CLEARLY none of you who say just leave have never been in the position where a relationship you’ve been in for 10 years went from good to stale to just f***ed up. I need vindication. And closure and catching him in the act or being flat out wrong is the only way I will get that. And IF (and that’s a big if) I’m wrong, why go through the trouble of being a shady douchebag????

Her appearance changes. She gets her hair done in a new style. She keeps her nails manicured and her makeup soft. She smells great all the time. She wears soft, pretty dresses instead of severe suits. She takes much better care of herself, from hitting the gym more often to getting facials every week at the salon.

Cheating is as old as the world, we all know that only that today it seems that more than every the cheating is proliferated and in some cases promoted. There are couples that brag about cheating each other. If those people know they’ll be cheating, why do they get married in the first place? What’s the point?

Before you confront your spouse

From Prank call ideas on July 01, 2010 :: 10:43 am

Before you confront your spouse and accuse them of cheating you need to make sure you have some solid proof. Confirming the odd number or numbers you find can be a big help. You may be able to simply show your spouse the number and get a reaction that makes them admit to their wrong doing. You just have to be ready to accept the results of the confrontation whatever they may be.

How to be a stalker spouse 101

From Meena on March 24, 2011 :: 4:31 pm

I agree with a lot of the other posts: if you’re concerned your spouse is cheating on you, why not ask them point blank? First of all, you can get a lot more information from simple body-language (don’t know what signs to look for? there are countless books on the subject, not to mention numerous magazine articles) than from creeping through their personal phone, files, computers and e-mails. Not to mention that’s the quickest way to break trust. Afraid they’re about to divorce you? You might be upping those odds by snooping through their personal things.

reality check

From habitsarehardtobreak on April 28, 2011 :: 2:17 pm

It is quickly forgotten the consequences a spouse will pay if cheating is not outed and dealt with. Remember veneral diseases? A spouse has a right to find out about cheating when a cheater can give a death sentence (aids, hpv).
Cheaters are liars to begin with why else would they feel the need to sneak? Remember what the weddings vows say? A person can’t commit adultry and think it is an honest behavior.
And lastly and most importantly when cheated on it is imperative that a game plan be quietly enacted in order to survive(Shore up job skills if needed, close out/pay off joint accts.,update credit report as they are now separate, etc.)

There's uses for it.

From Diana on May 02, 2011 :: 12:49 pm

By the time you have to look, MOST of the time, the breach of trust has already occurred and the snooper is a victim trying to make sense of things. There are psycho paranoid exceptions of course. In my case, I found it very useful to keep my head on straight to remember what was really going on when he would lie to me about everything… convincingly. Without these messages to turn to for reminders, I could have so easily slipped back into denial. I never told him I looked, or used them as proof of anything other than as a personal tool, to keep focused on what was real rather than the falsehood he presented to me. It helped me be sure of myself and my plans for the future.

Schlupes Wife Aka Matts Secret

You shouldn’t be even giving you fucking opinion Matt cause you have been with your wife you deny for 14+ years, Have been told in beginning relationship which I had already shot you down,or wouldn’t give you time day but used you twice when I was only in your circle of types because your sister wanted money and I was starving after we had been hopping in Club, And u knew you couldn’t get with girl like me or in your case which you tried but trying to buy me, Or I knew you had basically got the then money can’t buy when you and I crossed paths due my bro and your sis rented room your house, And I had been drunk off my ass when I had been tortured all night by four geeks which only two you were like 4 and country gentleman, And honestly then you were only like low 4&half; at most, But after you found a Old School Take care your man and treat his circle peeps work related or just the 4-6 total your Pathedic stalkerish ass was

Not Helpfuls

From BWA on May 02, 2011 :: 2:26 pm

My lying cheating husband uses a passcode to access his phone. The one time I broke it I found the texts telling me that he wasn’t where he said he was and how much they liked this and that, I just loved reading about how I was “drama”. Too distraught to do anything at that moment, those texts are gone forever.

He is the keeper of the cell phone account, and he won’t put me on to see the details of his phone, who he calls and texts.

I need something to break the code, track the texts, GPS, anything to help me with custody!

Baltimore

From Doc on May 10, 2011 :: 8:12 pm

My hacking any phone is illegal. And how will that look to the judge when they are deciding who will get the kids…

If I was that suspicious, I would hire an attorney and have them subpoena the records. That way I can be sure I have as much as I’m going to get, legally. And there are definite consequences if s/he is holding back.

I guarantee there are a lot of people out there who can hack an individual phone. I can’t see any significant benefit for anyone in giving it to me just for the asking. And, if I abscond with any cell phone, that is theft and, if it is an expensive phone, probably a felony.

After it hits the cell tower, I am probably talking wire fraud or worse. Do I really want to know what my ex- is doing enough to go to jail for it? No.

On the record, s/je has to play nice. Everything other than that, s/he is free to do or say what s/he wants about/to me. And I to her… So I would make sure that everything between her/him is on the record. I’ll pay an attorney to keep myself out of jail…

I would save myself the grief and get an attorney before I commit a federal crime…

I am not an attorney. Nor do I play one on TV. Infact, I don’t even have a TV. So, I have no way to know what actors playing attorneys act like. The last TV lawyer I saw was Perry Mason. I always wondered how it felt to be ‘Hamilton Berger’ and know all your cases will go out the window because someone confessed to a crime in court. His secretary was hot, though…

Be careful...

From Loqutus on June 21, 2011 :: 12:31 pm

As a computer guy and student of Internet Law, I would advise against these suggestions. Under the Internet Privacy Act, all of them can be construed as hacking. Accessing someone else’s (even a spouse’s) private information without their knowledge is a felony. Case in point: The January case in Michigan where a husband accessed his wife’s email account because he suspected she was having an affair. He now faces 5 years in jail for cyber-crime.

How to end you marrige for sure

From The other side on June 21, 2011 :: 12:41 pm

My soon to be Ex wife did a lot of the stuff suggested. One big problem. I wasn’t cheating. When I discovered what she was up to the marrige was pretty much over from that point on. I discovered what she was up to when I found out someone had run a credit check on me without asking for my permission. She didn’t realize it would get flagged. It’s also a crime to do that where we live. That and a few other ill advised activities have been brought up in the divorce procedings. If your thinking about doing any of this crap you better be real sure because either way it’s over.

An alternative.

Don't waste your time.

From Susan on June 21, 2011 :: 1:14 pm

All this fuss because it is the other person’s fault. How about getting a better grip on your own life. If you think there is cheating going on you might be your own worst enemy. I had a spouse who constantly accused me of cheating when if fact it never happened. I got fed up and left with all the being checked up on and being spied on and told I was lying when I couldn’t have been more faithful. That wasn’t love that was fear. Maybe if all that business is going on your life you might realize you are in the wrong relationship or maybe if you are the cheater you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you are grown up enough to develop some mature coping skills. Either way don’t wait get out ASAP.

Is it snooping when evidence falls in your lap?

From GiGi on June 21, 2011 :: 1:33 pm

Is it still wrong to check the email and phone when evidence of infidelity falls into your lap. When a reciept for an unused plane ticket in the other womans name comes to your house(the billing address of the credit card used. Like Diana said back on May 2, keep all that stuff to keep your head on straight, don’t be sucked in by the constant lies and think about your future. Because obviously the cheater wasn’t.

Family Phone Account

From M-I-L on June 21, 2011 :: 1:41 pm

We, along with our son,daughter and their spouses, all share the same phone account. My son was concerned. I printed the text messages (phone numbers only)his wife had been conversing with for him. Lo and behold - three thousand texts in one month to a male “friend.” Hard to believe, but she denied it. It doesn’t take the actual content of the phone calls/texts/emails to know there’s an issue. It’s about the emotional infidelity that is occurring. Her mother denied that there was a problem with what she had done when our son presented a ream of paper listing the thousands….hard to believe she’s been married five times also! Hmm…..

I do all that

From Lauren on June 21, 2011 :: 2:51 pm

I do all of those things, but my husband has no problem with it. It’s hard to explain, because I trust my husband, but I do have trust issues. He’s very understanding, so he lets me do my thing. I told him the day I stop checking his phone, is the day I don’t care about him anymore. Sounds f*cked up but it works for us

Snooping around

From Been there on June 21, 2011 :: 3:06 pm

I will be the first to admit that I cheated and that my wife also found out while looking over old messages that I forgot to delete. There was lots of issues and blame that I admitted to over time, but my biggest regret was not coming forward in the beginning after she found out. I tried to hide it from her which was wrong. Eventually after TONS of fighting and then counseling we are still together and working on making our marriage stronger than what it was before. I cannot stress enough how much COMMUNICATION in a relationship is vital to making it work. Yes I was a cheater, but does that make me a bad person? I don’t believe it does.

This is the shadiest "relationship"

From Dennis on June 21, 2011 :: 3:23 pm

This is the shadiest “relationship” article I have ever seen… May as well have them tail there significant other every time they leave the house, and while they are at it, plant some CIA style listening devices on his/her person and in the car, office, and gym… Maybe you can even install video cameras at all the local hotels so you can monitor the parking lots for his/her car.

I had a spouse that

From sgt on July 21, 2011 :: 8:09 am

I had a spouse that tried some of these things, I was not having an affair and she found nothing. but she was still untrusting and that is what ended our marrage. she would check my phone, answer my cell and tell whoever was on the other end to stop f&^% ing her husband and if it was a man she would tell them to have their wife to stop F876ing her husband ECT.ECt and the story goes on. needless to say the marrage ended good ridance

it happened to me....

so, I suspected my wife was cheating with a “friend”/neighbor. I “Asked” and tried to talk, and was accused of just being a jealous husband. While I resisted the temptation to scrutinize cell phone and texting overages, I knew what was going on. So finally, after having enough of watching the lies told to my face by both parties, I told my wife that I needed counseling to help me through my paranoia and suspicions of the affair, that I told her I concocted in my mind. Shortly thereafter she spilled her guts, told me about everything, the sexting, the daytime visits, etc… I feel sick to this day, 2 years later. I love my kids, can’t figure out how not to hurt them - but trust is dead, and I suffer daily (often hourly) trauma as a result. I blame everything on technology, but I should be smarter than that. It was bound to happen, the iPhone shouldn’t be to blame, but I’m still jaded - even though it was a matter of simple proximity. My point, after reading through many comments here, is that you really have no control. Suspect, and get labeled jealous. Confront, and you are “smothering”. Fabricate a story about feeling bad about your suspicions, you get the truth. messed up, but I hope this helps.

also, seeing the texting records after the fact doesn’t help you heal - it actually makes it worse.

Just sayin

From This one girl on September 10, 2012 :: 8:27 am

To all those who say “no trust no love” your living in a dream world. Statistic show that 80% of people have afairs outside their marriage. Sadly, the only person you can trust is yourself because you know what your capable of. But I guess if you wanna live your life saying “I love and trust them, and if I can’t see it, it does’nt exist” that’s all up to you. Personally I’d rather be portrayed as the “crazy” significant other than to be a victim.

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