Starbucks, the international coffee company, announced today that it is banning all screenwriters from its 19,435 locations worldwide, effective immediately. The move comes after a study commissioned by the company revealed that screenwriters not only spent the least amount of money at their coffeehouses, but they also have “a depressing and desperate air about them that spoils everyone else’s experience.”

How the heck are the Starbucks employees going to know who's a screenwriter or not?

A friend of mine is an aspiring screenwriter and I know he goes to Starbucks all the time, takes his laptop with him.