It’s bad enough that sea creatures can attack us when we go into the water. About 40 years ago, the film, Jaws, scared movie-goers to the point that people stopped going to beaches for fear of being attacked by sharks — but only if the swimmers went in the water! The next film, Jaws II, had promotional trailers warning: “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.” But at least you were safe on dry land.

In 1975, the first in a series of SNL sketches took away that last safe place – dry land. The Saturday Night Live writers introduced the world to the “Land Shark” — a predator that could strike on land or sea. In each sketch, a city-dweller would hear a knock at the door and a voice would call out, “telegram,” “plumber,” etc. When the door was opened, in plunged the “Land Shark” (or a giant foam rubber version of the “Land Shark”).

Like a few other fictional villains, the “Land Shark” developed a real life copycat, the “Land Catfish.” Introduced to France’s River Tarn, about 20 years ago, a common species of catfish was starving as its food of choice, crayfish, decreased in numbers. Most species would have the good graces to continue to starve and die out. Not these catfish. Instead, they made a different choice and “learned” to do something no member of their species has ever done before – catch and eat land animals.

Hovering in the water, near flocks of pigeons, these catfish wait for one of the birds to get “too close” to the water. Then, these (sometimes, four-foot long) cats jump out of the water, grab a pigeon and take it home for dinner.

Fisherman, who saw the Land Catfish at work, found it – really creepy. And, so do I. Underwater creatures intentionally jumping out of the water to grab some land animal, drag it back into the water, and eat it? I’ve seen stuff like this in old horror movies!

Study of these Land Catfish revealed another upsetting fact. Those catfish that learned to hunt “land prey” developed a taste for land animals. These fish stopped eating their usual crayfish and started eating almost nothing but land animals. Being a land animal, myself, I don’t find any of this comforting . . . at all!

Also, in the last year, we found out about another sea creature that just won’t stay in the sea. A few months ago, an octopus was caught crawling out of the ocean and leisurely shopping for snacks on a California beach. But, unlike the catfish, the octopus didn’t suddenly “choose” to start hunting on land in the last week or so.

Octopus experts say that octopuses have always done this. These creatures jump out of the water onto land all the time. (I don’t know that I wanted to know that.) The only thing that was unusual was that the octopus starring in the video was shopping on the beach during the day. Usually, octopuses crawl out of the sea and go trolling for a meal on land — in the dark of night. Well, that’s the end of my evening strolls on the beach! But, it gets worse. Octopuses even jump onto crab-fishing boats, climb into barrels of crabs (their favorite food), and pig-out.

But just as this “year of discovery” of the real Land Sharks was ending, another safe place was invaded by predator fish.

Welcome the “Air Shark.”

A Tigerfish was caught on video jumping out of the water . . . into the air . . . and catching birds in flight. The Tiger is just the sort of fish you don’t want jumping out of the water and catching passing . . . animals. Who knows what else it might catch when it’s up there — water-skiers, parasailers, . . . small aircraft?

Called the “African piranha” the Tigerfish has no winning smile, but it sure has a toothy grin. [image] Hoping for some comfort, I looked up the tigerfish on Wikipedia. After saying that game fisherman call these fish “the African piranhas,” the entry goes on, reassuringly, to say that the two fish aren’t so much alike because the tigerfish and piranha are two different species. (I sigh with relief.)

But, then, the entry goes on to say that tigerfish and piranhas do have just a few things in common. Both have “interlocking, razor-sharp teeth”, “are … extremely aggressive … predators”, and “often hunt in groups.” Oh, don’t let me forget to mention that each member of the tigerfish “pack” weighs about 110 pounds. And another thing, tigerfish have been known to attack humans.

Really makes you want to book that ski vacation at Africa’s Lake Malawi, doesn’t it?

Unlike the Land Catfish, the “Air Shark”/Tigerfish didn’t just choose to start hunting flying birds — yesterday. There have been stories of this fish jumping out the water and grabbing birds in flight since the 1940’s. But, like the octopus’s strolls on the beach, the flight of the tigerfish was never caught on video until this year.

Nico Smit, director of the Unit for Environmental Sciences and Management at North-West University in Potchefstroom, South Africa, was part of the team that caught the “Air Shark” catching a quick bite. He said that the whole “event,” (meal for the fish, “big sleep” for the bird) happens so fast that it took a while before the researchers were sure what they were seeing.

It didn’t just happen fast. It happened often. They saw 20 “catches” the first day and about 300 during the next two weeks. The “event” was caught on video for the first time by team member Francois Jacobs. The team’s findings were published in the Journal of Fish Biology and Nature.com.

With this report, yet another element of our environment, the air, is threatened by killer fish. I can hear someone say, “Yeah, but unless you’re a bird flying over a lake in Africa you’re safe.” Well, 20 years ago, French pigeons thought they were safe from catfish attacks on the shore of the River Tarn. Then, one fine day, a catfish just “chose” to become a Land Catfish and start jumping out of the water, onto land, to grab and eat the nearest animal. You wouldn’t have wanted to be the next unlucky pigeon that went to get a drink of water from the river!

This “choosing” thing worries me. Now, animals just “choose” to eat completely different things than they’ve been eating for the last few thousand years. Just a couple of weeks after I heard about the Land Catfish, I visited an evening holiday light display at the Missouri Botanical Garden. In the freezing cold, I walked along the dark paths admiring the beautiful lights. I thought back to the Garden, in the summer, with giant koi fish in the large pond surrounded by the Japanese Garden. You can feed these large fish as they gather around the bridges and shoreline to gobble up food pellets.

Gee, I thought, those fish must have rough time under the frozen ice. They go for months with little food. I bet they get really hungry. Looking out into the pitch blackness a few yards off the path, I wondered how close I was to the water. No, I reassured myself. I’m safe. After all . . . koi fish couldn’t be dangerous. These fish look like giant goldfish. The only difference is some have those whisker-looking things. You know, . . . like . . . catfish!? Those clever, predatory, and hungry river-beasts that are scarfing down pigeons in France!

I didn’t like this new trend toward “choice” with fish deciding to leave the water and eat anything that happened by. But I didn’t think it was a too big a problem until I stumbled across a story about another sea animal. One that jumps out of the water regularly and sails through the air. Everyone says this creature just jumps out of the water and dives back into the water without “eating an in-flight meal.” But, now, I know that sea creatures can just “choose” to change their feeding habits any time.

Jun Yamamoto of Hokkaido University and his team were tracking squid in the ocean east of Tokyo when 20 of these ten-legged creatures flew out of the water for a distance of about 30 meters. They like to fly. They spread out their fins and legs like wings to stay in the air. They’ve even been seen flapping their fins to stay in the air a little longer!

Same story, different day – there were rumors about flying squid for years, but this was the first time they’ve been caught on film. Yamamoto said, “[W]e should no longer consider squid as things that live only in the water.” [!]

Everyone’s worried about the safety ofthe flying squid. Birds might eat them while they’re flying through the air. Sure, but what happens to the birds when the flying squid decide they’re hungry? “Oh, but these flying squid don’t eat birds or . . . (glup) . . . water-skiers.” Of course, not. Notyet. Not until, like the French Land Catfish, they “choose” to start eating birds, people, . . . small aerial drones. Who knows?

Some will say, “But only small squid fly.” “It’s not like the flying squid were those giant 12 foot long, 330 pound squid that live deep in the ocean.” Correction: Just because they’ve never been caught on video, doesn’t mean giant squid don’t fly. And, even if they’ve never flown before, what make you so sure they won’t choose to fly in the future. Suppose they do. And suppose they choose to flap their fins so fast that they start flying like birds. That’s all we need — giant flying squid trolling the air above the water like a bunch a pterodactyls.

First, there was Jaws with its great white shark.

Don’t go in the water!

Then, the Land Shark “inspired” imitators — the Land Catfish and Land Octopus.