WTF Is In My Bag, Yo?

I love seeing what’s in other people’s bags, I became addicted to those “What’s In My Bag?” videos on Youtube and will literally spend 6 hours watching girls in London tell me about the lip gloss they got from ‘Selfridges’ and how they wish they had NYX makeup in the U.K. I play those, “What does your handbag say about you?” quizzes, hoping that one day I won’t get the results: you’re slightly edgy and a little bit off beat.

I’ve been an editor at CollegeCandy.com since November and it has brought me great pleasure and joy to get to know our readers. I am sure some of you roll your eyes when you see a post from me, hoping that perhaps it was one by Katie or Molly. I am cool with that. My feelings aren’t hurt . . . that much. I thought it was time you and I finally got to know each other because I am a neurotic psychopath and I started eating Paleo and I need to just get all these emotions out of me because I miss carbs and cheese.

I think a good way to gauge someone, or one way to, is by how organized they are. I am pretty messy in all aspects of my life. My room is gross. There are mugs with old, sticky coffee in them. Book reports from high school that I think I’ll need one day. Clothing—everywhere. But I always know where everything is. My work desk right now has a cup of water from last week, a Starbucks Americano with lipstick smudge on it and a bar wrapper complete with crumbs. I think I cleaned it last Friday.

My bag however, is a bit different. (It’s called the Patent Kettle Bag and I got it from Top Shop for $68 which is the most I think I’ve ver spent on a bag which might be a little sad? IDK everyone looks fancier than me.) I needed a bag that wasn’t too big so that it wasn’t a bitch to carry around but I needed one big enough to bring a change of clothes in it because I am slut. JK but not JK.

Anyway, my bag is the only thing that’s organized basically because I hate needlessly carrying a bunch of shit around. I was legit diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when I was eleven.

So let’s talk about what’s in my bag and where you can buy it in case you want to be an evil psychopath who is emotionally attached to cheese and Britney Spears.

1. Warby Parker glasses – They were $99 prescription glasses that fit my fat cheeks and were inexpensive because I am poor.

2. My Kindle Fire – I am currently reading David Sedaris’ latest book, “Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls.” Sedaris most notably writes about his weird life in a funny way. I am a HUGE fan of his and have read all of his stuff. His sense of humor is as evil as mine and his writing has a kind of energy that bounces off the page. My bro got me the Kindle Fire for X-Mas because he is like the ideal, quintessential older brother.

3. My apartment key - I just got a room (because in NYC you rent rooms not IRL apartments because you are poor no matter what). It’s going to be my first time moving out of my parents’ apartment. I am moving on Sunday. I AM SCURRED.

4. Moulin Rouge Cigarette Case - I got it from Paris when I was studying abroad in London one semester. Paris is my favorite place besides NYC. I don’t smoke cigarettes so I use it to carry my ID and Metrocard.

5. 99 cent Composition book / pen – The little book came in a pack of 2 for 99 cents at Target. All the cool kids use Moleskins and write poetry. I use it to write down what I eat and ideas for articles like, “WWSD?” Which is the idea for an advice column written in the voice of Shoshana from GIRLS.

6. EZ Wider / Lighter/Bottle Opener – I don’t smoke cigarettes, so why do I have rolling papers? What do I smoke? Crack? We’ll leave that up to your imagination, Mom. That lighter / bottle opener is from my BFF’s radio show. They are so convenient for smokers/drinkers/bar mitzvahs.

7. Revlon lipstick in ‘Sienna’ – This is my favorite lipstick of all time. I’ve had it for years and wear it everyday. It’s a brownish red that probably looks good on every complexion. I have brown-tan skin so, it suits the orangey undertones of my skin.

8. L’Oreal Colour Caresse Shine Stain In ‘Berry Persistent‘ – These are comparable to the YSL Rouge Pur Couture. I heard that, obviously I have never owned YSL anything. The L’Oreals stain your lips but glossy not matte. They last all day but if you have mega dry lips like me and are prone to chewing on them then you probably shouldn’t wear it that often, even though I do.

9. CoverGirl Flamed Out Mascara / Rimmel Kohl Eyeliner – This is a pretty lame mascara but I carry it around because it has a tiny brush so it’s easy to apply and I am clumsy. The Rimmel Kohl Eyeliner is the only drug store eyeliner that doesn’t melt off my face like a crayon on a radiator. It is also mad cheap.

10. Larabar – I am on a Paleo diet which I will write more about later on. Basically you only eat clean foods, which means no processed foods at all and cut out dairy, gluten, wheat and legumes. You’re supposed to eat like the humans did before we invented agriculture. Why? Because one must give up a part of herself in order to be truly free. Larabars are gluten free and completely clean and unprocessed. I got a box on sale for $5 at Target. (They normally cost twice that much!)