Archive for the ‘Weight Issues’ Category

So, last week I talked about my weight issues. I’m thinking about making this a regular weekly topic on here. I’m not sure how everyone else feels about that, but I know that I need a place to talk about some of these things, and so, for now, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m planning on making this either a Monday night or Tuesday morning topic. I’m a little late on this weeks, but here goes.

Today I went to the Y to swim laps for the first time. I have never been this sore. At least not since the last time I tried out for basketball. I remember coming home and not being able to move for a while after those practices. But it’s been awhile since I’ve felt like this. Which I guess is a good thing.

I honestly don’t know what I was expecting. It’s been a long time since I’ve really swam very much. A few weeks ago, Jennifer, Max, and I went swimming in a hotel pool, and I thought I did pretty good. But I was exhausted after my first lap today. I’ve never felt that helpless. Especially in water.

I used to be in the water all the time. When I was a kid, I think I swam almost everyday. Or at least as much as my parents would let me. I loved the water. But somewhere along the line I got embarrassed about how fat I was, and couldn’t bring myself to go anymore. So, I got out of the habit. I’ve always wanted to get back in there and swim. But having to take my shirt off in public always held me back from it.

I’m not really sure what changed recently, but I think I’m over that now. I’m not really comfortable with it. But I think I’ve realized that having my shirt on is fooling nobody into thinking I’m hiding a six-pack under there. I think seeing recent pictures of myself has finally let me see myself through others eyes and made me realize that I’m not fooling anyone. I’m fat. Everyone who meets me know it. So, what’s the difference if I have my shirt off or not? Plus, I realized that, if I don’t try some other workouts, I’m going to get tired really quickly of just walking on a treadmill. So why not go for it?

The good news is the lifeguard that was there today was really nice and gave me some advice on how to swim again. I guess I must have looked pretty helpless out there. But, it was still nice to get some advice. Plus she brought me a kick board so that it would be a little easier for me. But it was nice to have the support and help there.

So, now I just have to figure out when I’m going in next. Not sure when that will be. I was supposed to go to the Y again tomorrow, but I’m not sure my body will be up for getting out of bed. Let alone working out.

I haven’t talked much about this topic yet. It’s not really the easiest thing to talk about really. But it’s very clear in my mind right now. It’s not really that bad of a thing. It’s just not something most people want to talk about. But one of the reasons for this blog, is to talk about things and get them out there in the open.

So, here goes…

I’m fat. There. I said it. Not that anybody who knows me doesn’t already know this. But it’s true none the less.

I wish I had someone else to blame for it. I wish there was some reason for it. But there isn’t. I’ve just plain let myself get fat. And I’m way beyond overweight. So, I’m not going to call myself that to make it seem like I’ve just gained a couple of pounds. I’m just plain fat.

Most of the time I try not to think about it. It’s easier that way. Just ignore the big fat white elephant in the room and maybe no one else will notice him either. But I know they do.

I hate seeing pictures of myself. I’ve never really liked the way I look. But to see myself now is to realize just how big I’ve gotten. It’s pretty bad really.

To make it worse, in most of the pictures of me, I’m with Max. Max has always been on the skinny side. So, the two of us together looks really strange. I’m really glad that he’s skinny. But in pictures it just seems to make me look even bigger.

It’s been getting worse ever since I started staying home with the kids. But I cannot blame it on them at all. It’s just a whole lot easier to sit at home and do nothing but eat things all day.

And I’d like to say that it’s because I can’t really get into the gym all that easily. But that’s not true. I just have to plan ahead and follow through on those plans.

Jennifer and I have a membership to our local YMCA. And with it comes two hours of child care per kid per day. But you really need to call in a week ahead to get your spot. when we started going I would use the excuse that if I called ahead, I would be taking someone else’s spot and then they would be in the same spot that I was. But that was really just me trying to get out of it.

This past week we’ve called a few times to set up times to get in this next week. I’m really looking forward to it. It’s been way too long since we’ve been able to make it in.

Plus, hopefully soon, the Weight Watchers group through Jennifer’s school, will start-up again. That really helped last year. I was able to lose 20 pounds in the last part of the school year. But I’ve gained a good part of that back over the summer.

Well, I think that’s all I’ll say about that for now. Maybe I’ll try to make this a common topic on here. I know it’s something that a lot of people struggle with. Maybe my struggles can help some one else through there’s. It may not always be comfortable, but that’s just one more reason to put it out there.