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Monthly Archives: August 2016

I am drawn to crafts and creating but I have no real talent. I have what I call craft add. I play around with something, purchase various materials to get me going and then I get bored or decide i’m not very good at it and move on. I am in awe of my friend that is such an amazing drawer. She is always learning more and improving her skill.

I love animals. All of them except snakes are ewwy but i have touched a few and spiders NOPE not happening. I drive slow and creeper stalk the house with the mastiff that lays in the front window sometimes with his paws against the glass. Driving with me means hearing “awww puppy” in the middle of conversations. Daddy can and does easily distract me with “Squirrel!” It works a few times before I catch on. Not funny!

I’m quiet but I’m not stupid. I do have an opinion I just don’t care to share it with you. Probably because when I do share you are shocked that I’m the opposite of what you had me pegged as or because I share so infrequently that when I do it comes off to you as anger.

I don’t like to play along with the games that are expected in work and social events. If I don’t like you I’m not gonna fawn over you. I don’t want to kiss your ass because you are the boss and that is what is expected of me. Small talk socializing is very hard for me unless I am really in an outgoing mood and that will probably look like your quiet day.

I don’t like talking on the phone. Text is such an amazing invention!!

I’m honest and loyal. I have a hard time breaking a connection even when it appears it is no longer reciprocated. I am sensitive and I do care but I may not know how to show it. My feelings get hurt easily and I don’t like to show that either.

I have a hard time venturing out and socializing even with those I am comfortable with. I prefer to be in the comfort of my own home with my own animals and Daddy and the kids.

Sometimes I forget to reach out and stay in contact with others. It doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you.

I LOVE love. Generally romantic love or the love of an animal. 😉 I root for it even in hollywood.

I have read several things on active vs. passive submission and dominance. Our relationship can be described as active submission and passive dominance. He is not going to micromanage me and most of his directives pertain to my health and emotional wellbeing. He actually has little desire to be waited on or as he says to pass on his ocd tendencies.

My purpose in all of this was and is to express my love and devotion to him. That implies action. I cannot wait for him to show dominance as I am likely to be frustrated. I have to actively seek out ways to serve his needs. I have to listen closely to the subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways he lets his preferences known.

I look for ways to serve him and make him happy and I encourage his leadership. I love and thrive on what I get in return.

Scrolling through my reader feed this morning I am hoping for some submissive inspiration. Alas I guess wildwestangel can’t post every night. 😝

I am always looking for a deeper meaning or a new way of looking at things and I wonder if I will run out of material and new things to contemplate. I suppose broadening my search beyond just submission to more of a personal growth has helped but I keep coming back to the submission as the core.

I get bored or antsy and I long for something and I don’t know what. I worry that I’m losing interest but I know that it is not losing interest in him. Then I remember someone saying Throw yourself further in your submission. So I bought him a scale. Lmao We have been without a bathroom scale for more than a year and recently the man has been “hinting” he wants one. So it’s ordered and ready for pickup at the store. If he will drive me there he will have it tonight. It will make me happy to give it to him.

Tonight when Daddy picked me up from work I could not wait to tell him all about my post from yesterday and the sweet things everyone said and that I am reviewing that book. I was so excited to share it with him. I read him some of it and blurbed it all out and he nodded and said congratulations. That was it. No real smile or excitement. It kinda crushed my feelings. I got quiet the rest of the drive we went on an errand and we didn’t really speak. We got to the game and he sat in front of me on the bleachers.

Problem is he did not mean it. My timing was bad and he had no intention of hurting my feelings. He just could not muster up an appropriate level of enthusiasm for this babygirl. He was still in a lot of pain from the night before and we have been managing all week on one vehicle and we were hit with the HUGE repair bill today. Expecting excitement out of him was completely unrealistic.

It does still take me a bit to work through this but “a bit” now is a fraction of what it was before. I did realize all of this and that what he needed more than anything was for me not to be upset. I leaned in and rubbed his back and he leaned back and said “not that side.” That’s the side the pain is on… jeez i forget so easily. So I rubbed the other side and whispered I love you Daddy.