June 13, 2011

Let hope arise!

I’ve never considered myself much of a dreamer. I’m one of those girls who prefers to live in the “now”. Or at least that was my classic avoidance technique anytime someone encouraged me with making goals. To me making goals and dreaming were one in the same and could be best described as “making a list of things that would never happen”. I mean, what is the point? Next year you want to climb Mt. Everest, but did you stop to think about what could happen from here to there? For all we know you might not be alive next year (yikes!). And so this is how I’ve gone along, “living in reality”.

Unfortunately, there’s this man in my life who does nothing but dream. Any guesses on who that is? It’s hard to be anti-dreams when your husband is a dreamer. And as much as possible I’ve fought to avoid conversations beginning with “Maybe someday…” or “What if…” It has always surprised me at how upset or irritated I would become when these conversations came up. It was clear that somewhere along the way disappointment had taken over. Life had thrown some punches and my walls of protection had gone up. I had started believing that if life was handing out surprises you better watch out, because it wasn’t gonna be good.

And then one day something unexpected happened. Life handed us a surprise, a beautiful little Chinese girl, who we named Lily Hope. And in these past 5 months that’s exactly what’s been growing in my heart [hope].

Hope that maybe life has some good things to offer. Hope that “who knows what else is around the corner” (in a good way). It’s like a garden of hope has been planted in my heart. And this new found hope has been bringing something totally new to the surface [dreams]. I feel like I could sit and dream the day away. “Maybe someday…” and “What if…” are the words that are breathing new life into my soul.

Does this mean that I’m forever “cured” of my critical thinking and my tendency to run for protection? I guess I would have to say “no”. Just last night Matt said the words “Foster houses in three countries” and I immediately shut down, but every journey starts with one step. One step towards [hope]; Let hope arise!

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart, because I have overcome the world.

With hope,The petersons

3 comments:

Heather, I've got tears in my eyes reading this. I've struggled with the same feelings...the fear of hoping, or disappointment really. I used to be much more of a dreamer but I let life steal away that hope. I've been praying for a renewed hope for a while now and just recently, I've seen a renewed, slowly broadening ability to hope and dream again. I'm so happy that you're on that path too! :) This post was beautifully written and inspiring. -Lauren

So this is a new perspective for me. I've always beat myself up for being too much of a dreamer with my mind always racing ahead to the next possibility. Thanks for the wake up call - Hope can be refreshing. - Linda