I'm stuck here.
Suddenly, I'm so afraid to move forward since I'm not anymore sure about the reason of why I should make it through. But I can't go back. It's a long journey to come here. Considering many aspects, going back is not an option; that's not reasonable to do.

My eyes wander about the vast field of wheat: searching for a sign or an answer about what I should do, and find nothing. I look up to the sky. The sky is so blue and silent; no cloud number nine. The wheat bushes are hissing along with the breeze; I feel uneasy even more.

Silently, I pray to God that hopefully there will no green-eyed monster here. Because if it really exists, I will feel much more in vain. The green-eyed monster is never kind. It often times makes us end up a useless hatred and resentment. It's disgusting.

I've made a temporary decision; I will stay here a little while and try to learn how to "enjoy" the uneasiness and undefined feelings ruffling my heart--my inner self!

Pray for me, my dear fellow, that I will soon be free from all of these confussion and ambiguity of feelings. Believe me, it's totally awful and absurd to suffer from the uneasiness of something you can't explain--something you don't even know the what or the why!

We are here not because we want to, right?
but because we have to
And all have-to things are never completely sincere
or fun or strong

We are here not because we want to
but for a journey we've never planned
and all unplanned things finally will lead us
back to the track
or to manuver
if coming back is not possible

We are here not because we want to
the red balloons we bought on the way
are not clues
the black birds in the sky
are not truly guides:
And now, I'm so much lost
so alone, though you are all walking by my side
I'm so much lost!

Lila could not remember how she could arrive in this vast field of gloom.

She only remembered exactly that she was walking out of her school yard when some kids were running to the alley not too far from her school.

"Come with us!" a boy her age suddenly stopped and invited her. His hair was black, a little bit curly, and shining.
Lila stared at him cautiously and said nothing, a little bit shocked. She captured this boy had beautiful green eyes.
"Come...," said the boy again while trying to grab her hand.

Lila stepped backward.

"Why? You don't want? Are you afraid?"
"No. I just wondered where you will go?" answered Lila, having no idea what to say.
"To a place you want to go. That's what people said," said the boy confidently. "Come!"
"I can't. I am waiting for my parents to pick me up."
"Oh, I should have known this: another homey girl," said the boy sarcastically.
"What do you mean?" Lila was hurt hearing it though she could not understand exactly what the boy meant.
"Ah forget it. I'm wasting my time now. I have to go. You can go home and play with your dolls."
"Hey! Who do you think you are saying those rude words to me?!"
"I'm no body, but I can be somebody. That's up to you." The boy grinned, and ran to the alley.

***

Lila looked around, but saw no body. Those kids she saw running were (as if) vanished. They should be here, in the vast field of gloom. She was sure she followed the right track. The alley only led to this field. She hesitated to go back, but she remembered to the boy's word and decided to go on. She's not a homey girl. She's smart and beautiful. That's what people used to say about her. Deep inside her heart she wanted to prove it to the sarcastic boy.

***

She knew it exactly, the weather minutes ago--right before she arrived in this field--was lovely and sunny, and today was her last day of school before summer holiday. But what she saw now was totally different. It's just like in another part of the world. The sky was so gloomy that it seemed to be painted with all black and grey. The land was in the same color; no green grass nor flowers. There was one tree in front of her, a dead tree: no leaves, not green.

She walked to the tree. She planned in her head: to walk to the tree and see it closer, then go back to school. She had no reason why she was suddenly interested in an old and dead tree, but she kept walking. When she got closer and went around the tree, to her surprise, she met the boy sitting under the tree. She felt a jolt in her heart.

"So, you come here," said the boy.
"Yes," she tried to sound friendly. "What place is it actually? Where are they--the other kids?"
"I don't know. I didn't see another kids but you."
"But, you were with them running."
"Really?" the boy stared at her in real amazement.

Lila was confused and had no idea what to say. She rather said, "I think I have to go back. Bye." She tried to be friendly.

"Once you get here, it's not easy to come back. We can go through to the other part, but the door is closed now. We are late. Other kids are there, going to the place we want to go." The boy said those words while staring at the far grey sky.

"You lied!" Without waiting for a response, Lila ran back to the alley. Unfortunately, she could not find it. She ran back and forth but could only see the vast field of dry and grey land. She was so disoriented, confused, and so much worried she went back to the boy. She was so angry to the boy that he made her coming here.

She was about to hit him with her bag, when the boy shouted: "Watch out! See this line. You cannot pass this line. It's my territory."

Lila saw that the boy had made a circle around the tree, and he stood in the circle. Lila glared to the boy and was so wrathful that she cried sobbing. She sat on the ground and cursed herself for being so stupid following crazy boy. During her lifetime, she had never been rejected or mocked. She got always what she wanted. Everybody loved her and often praised her with nice words. She had everything. But now, she was lost in strange field with unfriendly boy she had never known, only because she wanted to defend herself from the boy's teasing words.

She felt sorry to her parents that she did not obey their words to wait for them after school. She remembered her friends and teachers, her lovely cat at home. All nice things were crisscrossing her mind mixed with anger and fear that she would not be able to get back to her normal and beautiful life.

"What is it all about? What have I done to you that you treat me this way?" asked Lila with resignation. She seemed so tired for crying an intense sobbing.

The boy, a little bit shocked staring at her, said nothing. He then erased the circle with his feet. "Sorry. I just try to protect myself. And do forgive me that I cannot answer your question. I'm confused myself."
"I want to go home!" Lila shouted while hitting the boy with her bag.
"I'm afraid we cannot."
"I don't care; I just want to go home. Do something. You made me come here, now you have to bring me back."
"You'd better save your energy, we don't have food here."
Lila stopped crying suddenly as she heard it. She was so hopeless she kept silent and sat still. She stared blankly to the far grey sky. The boy said some words to soothe her feeling or simply to have a talk. She didn't replied to any of boy's words ever since.

***

*Note:
I feel like this story is just unfinished, but had no more idea to continue...hehehe....
It's written for the writing prompt of Creative Writing Ink.

About Me

Neni

Virgo girl who loves the purple color, chocolate, good book, music, poems, sunshine, fresh air, flowers, the falling leaves, line of trees, the sound of bird's chirping, etc.
She also loves to write, dream, hang out with friends, and spend longer time in bed while wondering about things.:)