As he waited for the outcome of his second-degree murder trial, Ved Parkash Dhingra says he cried every night in his prison cell, mourning the loss of his wife and struggling to “figure out what has happened.”

Dhingra, 71, suffered a psychotic episode that led to the beating and stabbing death of his estranged wife, 58-year-old Kamlesh Kumari, in 2006.

In 2008, an Ontario court found him “not criminally responsible” for Kamlesh’s death on account of mental disorder.

“I feel very much remorse about what has happened for the loss of my wife, which was unfortunate because of my situation. I was suffering through depression and a psychotic episode at the time,” he told Postmedia News in his first media interview.

‘I said to him, “I love you, Poppa. I forgive you.” There was no question’

Dhingra’s case made headlines again last week after Ontario’s highest court ruled that Dhingra was entitled to his wife’s $51,000 life insurance because of the not criminally responsible — or NCR ruling.

A day after the controversial ruling, the Ontario government said it would try to seize the funds.

Dhingra told Postmedia News he is seeking forgiveness and understanding about his mental illness. Meanwhile his family, now divided, continues to cope with the fallout.

His daughter, Lina, has stood by her father, while grieving her mother’s death.

Recalling the family’s early history, Lina said her father studied medicine in India before coming to Canada in the 1970s.

Dhingra at first worked as a cab driver before he became an entrepreneur, owning one of the first Indian food marts in Mississauga, Ont., southwest of Toronto, then several hotels and campgrounds in Trenton, Ont.

Lina and her older brother, Paul, also remembered their mother, Kamlesh, a beloved woman with many talents:A trained music teacher in India, Kamlesh had a “beautiful voice” and loved to sing at Hindu temple services. She was also a talented seamstress.

After the tragic incident, Lina said she was mourning for the mother she lost and the father she feared she would lose, to prison or to his mental illness.

Lina recalls putting her hand against the bulletproof glass window when her father was in prison, unable to touch his hand on the other side.

Seeing his “heavily yellow, glazed eyes,” caused by medication, Lina said she knew that “this is a man suffering mental illness. He’s a patient not a prisoner.”

“I said to him, ‘I love you, Poppa. I forgive you.’ There was no question,” she recalled.

However, Dhingra has not seen his son, Paul, or three grandchildren for years.

“It’s unfortunate he’s not able to forgive me,” Dhingra said.

“But I’ll always love him and feel that one day he will accept what has happened during (that psychotic) episode and we will be all right,” he said. “I have an open heart to meet him.”

For his part, Paul said he has not yet heard an apology.

“You don’t ask for forgiveness when you take your son to court.”

Asked about what happened that tragic day, Dhingra said he has no memory of any of his psychotic episodes.

“From 2005 to 2006, I don’t remember. (I even) tried to make attempts on my life because I was depressed and I didn’t know what was happening with me,” he said.

According to court records, acting on a power of attorney, Dhingra’s son made a claim for the insurance money in his mother’s death on behalf of his father in 2007.

Whether the father requested this claim or not is a point of contention between the parties.

‘I think of her all the time, and now my kids don’t have a grandmother’

After the criminal trial, Dhingra was found not criminally responsible for his wife’s death because of his schizoaffective disorder.

The son made a new request to the insurer: that the funds be paid to his mother’s estate, instead of to his father.

Due to the competing claims, the issue went before the Ontario Superior Court of Justice, where a judge ruled last year that Dhingra was not entitled to the funds. Dhingra appealed and the case was brought to the Ontario Court of Appeal.

Last week, the appeal court ruled that Dhingra was eligible to claim his wife’s life-insurance money because of his previous NCR ruling.

The court said a previous judge erred when she said Dhingra “committed second-degree murder.” People found not criminally responsible at trial are not “morally responsible” for his or her act, the court said.

According to court documents, Dhingra’s lawyer successfully argued that the “public policy” rule under insurance law that prevents criminals from profiting from their crime does not apply in cases where an individual has been found not criminally responsible on account of mental disorder.

Paul, who represented his mother’s estate, argued in court that the funds should not be paid to Dhingra, adding that the money should instead be forfeited to the Crown.

Paul said he only wanted to protect his mother’s “honour” and that he was traumatized after discovering his mother’s body at her Richmond Hill, Ont. home. She and Dhingra were living apart at the time.

“I think of her all the time, and now my kids don’t have a grandmother,” Paul said.

“I don’t wish ill will. I hope she will guide my dad and sister and make them realize what they’re doing is morally wrong.”

Dhingra, who called the recent decision “fair,” told his daughter going to court was never about money.

Lina said her father had proposed equal benefits for his children to avoid going to trial — an arrangement that Paul says never existed.

“It was never about the fund for (my father),” according to Lina. “For both of us, it’s about (how) he was given an NCR ruling. It means something … He deserves civil liberties like every other individual suffering with a legitimate illness.”

Lina also said there should be more compassion from the public and from her brother for her father, who suffered for 25 years with mental illness, without proper diagnosis and treatment.

The tragedy may have been prevented, she suggested, if her father received the long-term care the family had been requesting.

Five days before her mother’s death, Lina said her father was discharged after spending nine days in hospital after his fifth suicide attempt.

“You have to be a threat to society to be admitted to long-term care. It’s completely appalling because in my father’s case, who had five suicide attempts months apart in a year, (that) is a telling sign that something could possibly happen,” she said.

Recalling his time at a mental-health centre in Whitby, Ont., after he spent two years in prison, Dhingra said the crying spells continued for another year.

Now, he says, with “correct medication” and treatment that is “going very well,” he hopes to continue his recovery.

He said he hasn’t had a psychotic episode since that day.

Granted a conditional discharge by the court, he now lives on his own and volunteers at an outreach centre to help feed homeless people.

Dhingra said he visits a Hindu temple and a Christian church, and enjoys cooking Indian meals with his daughter.

Lina is protective of her father and pleads for understanding about his condition.

‘He looks at his hands and is reminded of what he’s done’

“There’s not a day that passes that he doesn’t think about (his wife),” she said. “He looks at his hands and is reminded of what he’s done. It’s not like he knew at that time. It was another psychotic episode.”

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