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Reset button on an existential crisis

Over the past few years I became very ill, shut my blog down, stopped posting here and tried to focus on recovering and helping the rest of my family recover.

Our family had been vegan since 2001... however and underlying genetic condition caused this attempt at a more kind lifestyle to nearly kill us.
Instant death would have been at least preferred... but this was unfortunately accompanied by a steep decline into mental illness that was very similar to alzheimer's disease. My brother died from this disorder in September of this past year...it was just too late to correct the damage for him.

During this time my faith became a problem.

What once... seemed so certain to me... was very hard to accept.

People often say that "there are no atheist in a foxhole" ...to say that when things get tough...you always turn to god.
But I say it's far easier to have a picnic when it's sunny.

For me...having such an amazing life of abundant Love... It was easy to see Shiva everywhere.
I was like a fool girl version of Sachin Pilgaonkar(Geet Gaata Chal).
Even in severely troubling times, it always seemed He was there.

But, it was hard to accept that I almost killed my children with a religious diet.
When we first got word it could be this... I was SO sure that it could not be...
so sure that if it were something to do with loving Shiva...that he would protect us from harm.

We put the lives of our family on the line... and it was wrong.... wrong about so many many things.

I learned something life changing during my time away...which is... I know absolutely nothing.

This is the only thing which is certain now.

Often thought of each of you and hope you all are well.

I hope your days have been sunny enough for many many picnics!

We are getting well... the Sun has returned...and so I am working on getting my blog back up and be more present online.