Simple Girl in a CoMPleX World…

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More than a body, more than a possession, no one’s toy, beyond daughter or mother, definitely no one’s wife…She charts her own path, independent and resistant to societal norms …Not a woman born of erotic, even though their eyes seer through her skin when they stare like rabid dogs…Her sensuality lies in her intellect and free-spirited nature, not in the shell of a body that encases her true essence. Do they not see she is more, much more than a sexualized object for them to abuse and dispose of at will? Why can’t they see what they have done? Look into her eyes and you will find secrets she will never share, the pains she rarely feels while she is too numb at this point to care. Will they ever look her in the eyes instead of into her chest? Will they ever know the beauty of her mind far outweighs the flesh they seek to ravage? And if they did love her mind, would they only seek to penetrate that as well? Once ravaged, do they care her heart beats a little softer, yet much heavier than before? Do they care her life breaths are stolen in every thrust of their swords, with every abandonment of emotion she falls deeper and deeper into the abyss of nothingness. Do they think their money compensates for what she gives and they take in abundance, and why does she believe that somehow it could? If you look into her eyes one can get lost, while somewhere behind them she exists in a lost world of her own…a place where she is free from the stolen looks, the abuse of her body, the dominance of an overarching patriarchal society that seeks to annihilate her spirit, and exploit her bountiful resources…a place where she is restored in mind, body, and spirit, far from the fragmented existence she calls life every day to survive…Do they even know when they see her walk by what it could be like to be her? Do they even care? Or is all they see just another privileged White woman who just must have it all? Do they realize there is nothing about being a woman that is so privileging, that because of that very quality she has been objectified and abused at all levels because there was always some man who felt entitled to do so? It was never a privilege to be pretty, or ideal…but they wouldn’t know when they could never look her in her eyes…For had they done so they would know she is much much more than all they things they made her into…She is not what you think…She is a woman of mystery, magnificence, intelligence, compassion…Fearless she is…A woman with a mission…to show the world all they miss when they fail to see…Behind blue eyes.

Bagan, Burma…City of 3000 temples…Visual mind blow. Spent a month in this strange and foreign country, only recently opened to outsiders, still under military rule. While the people there are materially poor and utterly under-privileged…they are rich in scenery, culture, family/community, and values…something we Americans take for granted. Oh how I miss chasing the sun…

5. to reject, resist, or rise in arms against one’s government or ruler.

6. to resist or rise against some authority, control, or tradition.

I believe it is our deepest inherent nature to live free of constrictions, control, tradition, societal ‘norms’, or anything that seeks to inhibit an individual’s potential expressive nature and being…whatever each individual person chooses of and for themselves we must trust, respect, and value that particular person’s knowing what is most true to and for their own highest natures. Be a rebel today and pave the way today for a new society…Besides doesn’t rebel = individual anyway?? What’s so ‘wrong’ with that?? Be empowered…

Have you ever considered that even the language we created to give ourselves identity is not representative of how we often times behave? We are not human “doings”, even though most of the world runs around in a frenzy trying to accomplish this or that, and everything in between. WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS…Ask yourself what are you “being” today, in this moment, right now??? And most important if you’re not sure, then stop whatever you’re “doing” and resign yourself to JUST BE…isn’t that beautiful 🙂 Happy Friday everyone! All love ~K

So here I am taking the risk to share my thoughts, feelings and experiences with others…I was told yesterday that in order to accomplish my goal of writing a book one day and having it published I must first “give for the sake of giving.” The problem has never been that I had nothing to say… it’s been ‘what’ I have to say and if the world was ready to embrace my far to the left perspectives on life, love, and sexuality. When your entire existence has been wrapped up in being hushed, or shunned, or discriminated against because you choose differently, it can be quite the fear to overcome and share with a world that has shut you out and beat you down. When I asked someone once how it was that you go about forgiving those who have hurt you most, they told me to give those people grace, that it wasn’t for them but for me. Those people are our greatest teachers. I am a light that no one can put out. I may shine a little differently, but different does not equal less than. Different does not make others better or me worse. I was born to heal the world of it’s ridiculous notions, idiotic hang-ups, moral and ethical bs, and above all– to bridge love across the boundaries society and individuals establish between different groups of people or individuals.

I am a coutesean, a call girl of sorts… a companion by day and mother/student by night. Eleven years ago my life changed forever because I held questionable company and made drastic choices in order to survive. One day in its entirety, I will share what set me on this journey. Everyone wants to know how a girl like me ends up a girl like me… Just so we are clear—No one wakes up one day and says, “Hey I am dying to make someone else’s dreams come alive and nurture yet another lonely, need-deprived soul,” while each day that passes their own dreams get pushed aside in order to keep a sustainable lifestyle going for them and their child.

When your back is against a wall, and options are minimal…you dig deep and pull out that part of you that takes control making a way out of no way. You ask the Universe what to do with what you have presently before you? I have so few choices because of one not so great choice I once made. Someone said yes…And a light is reborn into a world that in myth is so dark and degrading. I suppose this world too exists, but I am here to share a different perspective, a different kind of experience in hopes that the major misunderstanding society has regarding girls like me, and specifically people who have made mistakes, will be clarified. Does anyone have any idea why the recidivism rate in America is so high? To those who don’t even know what that means–the repeat offenses by offenders–the guys who get labeled lost causes, and yea…girls like me. We aren’t lost causes, we are forced to wander and make ways out of no ways, everything becomes a means to an end…often times bending or breaking laws or codes of ethics if you will…all because no one will take a chance on us and say yes, giving us the ability to empower ourselves and contribute to a greater society. One lost cause is everyone’s loss. No one understands this.

I am not a victim nor has my overall experience in this alternate-world been a tragedy. What I have found here is in loving the world (my clients) back to health and happiness, I too have been restored over time. I realized life was not allowing me other opportunities because I had a job to be done in a different manner. My role would be taboo and scrutinized, but the role was mine. The most amazing transformation has taken place in my heart through my experiences as a companion to some of the most beautiful men (and women) in the world. And when I say beautiful, I am making reference to their entire persons. I relate with my clients in such a way possible only because we both have been marginalized at some level and way in our lives. Me, for choosing by circumstance to live outside the box, and them for having desires and needs that clearly are not being met in a way so depleting that they land on my doorstep. What I have come to know is that we all crave and desire, yet what we desire varies among the masses. What one desires is all that truly matters. What we think about it and the standards society has set to identify what is right/wrong, good/bad, etc. are where things go array. I recently came across a new favorite quote by a Sufi poet…”The mind is the bind.” So profound and true. Was true thousands of years ago and things haven’t changed so much.

I guess the long of the short is that indeed I have so much to say and share, and I never knew where to start…maybe the only way to know is to just begin…I pray as I move to push the “publish” icon that my heart and mind and thoughts will be received in love and compassion by all those who come across my blog. As I see it now, I will be randomly posting my thoughts about a thing, or my experience on any given day…I will do this to allow all those misinformed, uneducated, closed-minded, and love deprived individuals to see into the life and heart of a girl like me. A girl like me is not so different from an individual like you, only my heart expands a little more each day by every other heart it touches and heals…I do this with intention and gratitude for the blessings that any insight, information, opinions, networking, bonding, abundance, and overall connection to the outer world this will bring me. In opening myself to the world, I allow for all beautiful things to enter into my life. Thank you now and always…Be empowered…All Love ~K