Finding the love of all lifetimes

by Tee
(Arlington, Texas, USA)

My Doug and me

At 31 years old, I decided I was tired of dating men who always turned out to be wrong for me. Of course, they were fun to spend time with, but it never worked out and in the end, I was always heart-broken at having to break up with him or the guy breaking up with me. I wanted more out of life and was tired of waiting. I talked to my best friend, Richard, often about the situation. He was always good for a shoulder to cry on when needed.

One day, Richard gave me an assignment. He said he wanted me to sit down and write out a list of all the qualities that I had to offer to the ‘right’ man. Every single one I could think of, no matter how large or small, just make a list. I thought about it a great deal. I carried a small notebook in my pocket everywhere I went. For the next week, every time I thought of something worthwhile I had to offer, I added it to the list. Every time Richard asked, I just said, “I am working on it.” It took a full week before I just could not think of anything else to add. I took the three-page list and proudly showed Richard. He glanced at it briefly, tore the list out of my notebook, and said, “Now, go away, and write a list of all the qualities you want to see in the man who is ‘right’ for you.”

Yes, I have to admit I fumed a bit. However, after seeing the quality of Richard’s dates, how they always doted on him and treated him right, who was I to argue? As such, I started the next list. Everywhere I went I jotted down qualities. I kept my eyes open and saw several qualities I had not thought about in men around town, so I added those as well. After a few days had passed, I had another list that was about three pages long. The next time I met with Richard, I showed him the list. He took my original list out of his pocket, handed me a pen from his coat pocket and said, “Let’s get to work.”

We checked off, compared the two lists, and discovered that they were very similar, the top five items were identical, the rest of page one was very similar, and the next two pages were a jumble of similar and vastly different items. Richard told me to keep the lists, review them each week, and add to them, as I deemed necessary.

This was back in 1993 and I followed his instructions for about 8 or 9 months before I had to toss the lists out. My amazing husband, Doug, and I were married in 1994, my son Connor was born in 1995, and the twins Colin and Douglas followed in 1996.

I still consider my husband, Doug to be the most wonderful, intelligent, loving, and amazing man I have ever met and I always will. Our three sons are just like him, including the towering over me by a foot or so in height, but I can live with that I suppose.