Thursday, June 16, 2016

Dear Brother, you've been gone 15 days and I can hardly wrap my head around it. I knew I would outlive you, yet I'm shocked. Dale and Nicole texted and said they had found shark teeth while walking the beach! That brought them such comfort. Isn't it funny how we find comfort in the littlest things? I'm not finding much comfort yet, I guess time will bring that later. I keep seeing us when we were kids playing in Antlers. I never pictured us as adults back then, Im sure thats best. If we had known what was coming... well... Im glad we didn't know. Tuesday was my hardest day, I just couldn't cope. I keep hearing you in my mind wishing our last conversation was different. Im still looking for peace, send some if you can. Love you forever...

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Here I am, its been awhile but I had to write to you. Even though I now you won't respond, at least I can feel you reading my words.

He's gone.

Gone adjective-
no longer present, departed.

He is no longer present and there is no future with him. Not a way to say hello, not a single second with him again and I can't breath. I held up pretty well with my parents, with his friends, with myself for a little while. That ended today, I literally hurt with sadness. How do I even know how to grieve for him? How will I be able to function for so many years without someone I've had my whole life?

Today I ACHE to my very core for my brother, not because I miss him, but because he's GONE- theres no future and thats a hard pill to swallow.

Death is final

I don't want to grieve, I just want to be ok and Im not able to control it. Im not ok.

Kids and Things

Kid1

(C) is really the nicest 24 yr old kid I know. He is just all I could ask for in an oldest son. He loves fishing, being outdoors and is a jet mechanic in the Air National Guard. He is the kid that introduced me to motherhood and I’ve never looked back. Kid1 is soon to be married to Thing2 and we could NOT be happier. Thing2 is absolutely the most adorable, kindhearted, wonderful thing this family could ask for! We are looking forward to many adventures with her!

Kid2 and Thing1

(LE) is 22, she is a hard working MARRIED woman who is a girly girl at heart. She was our first girl and we fell in love with every shade of pink from the moment we laid eyes on her. Her husband, Thing1 is a fun new addition our family and our very first son-in-law. He is an outdoorsman extraordinaire and we love him dearly!

Kid3

(H) is just about the sweetest 20 year old you have ever met. He was the baby of the house for ever and ever and regardless of what his baby sisters say, he will always be my baby. He works hard nowadays, but still loves his playstation. He is the sugar in your sweet tea- trust me!

Kid4

(IG) is the kid who hung the moon and at 12 we are amazed by her daily. She makes us laugh, cry and cherish our lives. She has aspergers and I wouldn't change a single thing about her. Every one of us thinks she’s the cat’s meow! She is in love with schedules, pro candy and all about the animals- who could blame her?

Kid5

(EA) is our last child around here and we are more than smitten by this beautiful 5 year old. She is always smiling, ALWAYS talking, and always stealing our hearts away! She has us all wrapped around her little finger!