1. Dear Brother

I used to sit in my room, praying for it to all go away. I used to wish for it to all just disappear, to wake up from the nightmare. Then I thought of you. I used to wish for you to help me, to save me from the darkness, crying my eyes out and struggling with the simplest things, like life. Then you came and rescued me.

I remember your grave, the stone with the Winnie The Pooh, the shiny black of it, and your name engraved in gold writing. It doesn’t say how good of a brother you are to me, or how you’ve helped me, but that doesn’t matter because I know that we both know how amazing you are and how much I love you.

I never actually got to meet you, as you were born before me, but I know that even if I can’t see, smell, hear or feel you, you are still there; and you always will be. A while ago, as you know, I was suffering in the gloom. It was too hard for me to cope with it all, so I was hurting myself, and others. I would keep it all bottled up and not tell anyone until I couldn’t cope anymore with the pain anymore. I regret that now.

The simplest things, even just to know you are here, have saved me and made the darkness turn to light, with new opportunities and goals. Without you I wouldn’t be here right now, so I am truly grateful for your help.

I know I can’t talk to you, but I can try. I know I can’t feel you, but I can imagine. I know I can’t see you, but I know you are here. It doesn’t matter what people say, when they used to bully me about how you aren’t in life form, or when they say that you’re gone and I have to move on, but I don’t care because just thinking that you are here is enough. But I know you’re here, don’t I? You encouraged my vibrant side, bringing me out of the hole I had dug myself into. Surely this proves you really are here. I believe you are here and that’s all that matters to me.