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“Penis pumps cost the U.S. government's Medicare program $172 million between 2006 and 2011, about twice as much as the consumer would have paid at the retail level, according to a government watchdog's report.”

I was very young, a freshmen in college. My then-boyfriend had just graduated. He was working in a pharmacy while putting himself through medical school. We had been dating a couple of months, and I had only been with one other person — sex with my boyfriend was only so-so, but I didn’t really know what was “normal” or not in terms of sex. I was still getting to know my own body and learning what “good sex” felt like.

But I knew enough to recognize that his penis was pretty small — like, the size of a “super" tampon when fully erect. I wondered if maybe that had something to do with why I wasn’t totally into the sex. I never said anything, though. He’d sometimes make sad, self-conscious, awkward jokes about his size. Like, at a baseball concession stand, he said, “Do you like small wieners?” We were too young to talk about it in any adult way, though — to ask questions like How can I get you off? or How can I supplement my size?

Then one night, I looked down, and he had tied a red Kabbalah string around his cock. It was tied very tightly. I said, “Oh, a present for me?” I thought maybe he was being cute and playful. But no. He was like, “Look, I can force the blood up to my dick and make it bigger.”

My reaction: “Oh! Ummm. Okay?” I wanted to know if it hurt, and I wanted to tell him it was unnecessary, but I was too much in a state of What the fuck is going on here? to express myself. He kept the Kabbalah string on his penis the whole time we had sex. It was very strange, especially because we had being going to Kabbalah together. But I also thought it was kind of adorable that he was so committed to pleasing me. I felt a tiny difference in his size. I faked getting off.

I now realize the string was kind of like a D.I.Y. penis pump.

The next week, though, he busted out the real thing. He’d ordered it from the pharmacy. “I thought maybe we could try this?” he said. All that went through my mind was Don’t giggle. Be kind ... I said, “Sure.”

So he took out a contraption that looked almost like a bike-tire pump, with a small vacuumlike tube attachment that the penis goes into. I was not involved in putting it on him. I didn’t even know how to put a condom on a guy.

Getting hard was never his issue, so he put his little boner into the vacuum with relative ease. Then, for about 60 seconds, he pumped his penis “to full capacity” — his words. Obviously he didn’t grow ten inches, but it was more “engorged” than normal. Maybe an extra inch in girth.

We had sex, and, yes, it felt pretty good. We both had orgasms and then … the dick deflated.

For a few weeks, this became part of our sexual ritual. He told me he wanted to be as big as possible for me, "to do whatever it takes.” I always sort of laughed it off and gave him positive feedback. Again, looking back, I think I was just too immature to start a healthy conversation about it.

I knew it wasn’t very comfortable — physically or emotionally — for him. To sit there and pump up your dick in a vacuum tube is freakish. And to do so without any humor, or real communication, is just weird and kind of shameful. It all made me feel bad for him — and that’s not good for any couple’s dynamic. Honestly, the pump itself, or the freakishness of it all, wasn’t the thing that turned me off. It was just all the sexual tension around it, and around him. If he could have “owned” the small-dick situation and whatever contraptions came with it, then I could have been fine with it! For sure!

We dated for three years, using the pump on and off. He kept it in his medical-school backpack. I’ve never told anyone until now.

After our breakup, I decided that small penises would not work for me. “Never again,” I said. Recently, though, I met a guy with a small cock who actually knows how to use it. I orgasm — hard — every single time we have sex. It’s amazing; in fact, all we do is fuck. Needless to say, the pump is a thing of the past.