Like men, sexual health is an important aspect of your life. Although you may not think about sex or connect sexuality to your ego as men do, it remains a very important facet to quality of life. As a consultant to a dietary supplement company writing educational articles and practicing many years as a clinical psychologist, I have personally counseled and advised women on their sexual issues and endeavors for optimal sexual health. After years of experience in the field of psychology, I have come up with some practical recommendations for you to practice in order to optimize your sexual potential. Although written for a woman, men should read this article and support their female partner at all costs. Like many healthcare professionals, I believe in taking a holistic approach to sexual health and fitness.

The first step is to make your sexual fitness a daily goal. Just as frequent exercise is necessary for physical health, regular exercise and attention paid to your sexual being is vital. This is not to say you need to fixate on your sexual health and welfare as men do, but knowing yourself, your partner, and psychological well-being directly links to optimal sexual health. Just as you have a physical fitness regimen, so too should you devise a sexual fitness regimen. I do not mean you need to think and engage in sex as frequently as you exercise, but thinking daily about sexuality is not only healthy, I highly recommend it.

Physical well-being is paramount to your sexual health. This is why it is important to have an excellent open relationship with your doctor and/or gynecologist. There are many medical conditions that can impact a woman’s sexual well-being only she and her doctor can explore. From painful intercourse to a lack of sexual appetite, these problems can sometimes be rooted in a medical cause that can be treated with medication or doctor recommended steps. The key is feeling comfortable to discussing sexual issues with your doctor. There are millions of women who suffer from hormonal and medically based conditions. These same conditions though can be treated and sometimes cured with the help of a doctor.

Psychological well-being is crucial to your sexual health. Stress, anxiety, depression, and past traumatic experiences can all negatively influence sexual functioning. Just as a woman seeks medical advice from her doctor, a visit to a psychologist specializing in women’s issues may also be necessary to reduce mental health issues and past traumatic experiences from being problematic. A psychologist is a doctoral level clinician who is trained to diagnose and treat psychological issues which may impact a woman’s capacity to engage in sex in a comfortable manner. Although psychological conditions exist and require counsel, many women have emotional issues that can be addressed on their own or with a loved ones help. Unlike men, women seem impacted more by their environment than does their male counterparts. This is not to suggest men insulate themselves from their life stressors, but women tend to internalize these stressors more often and allow these life stressors to detract from their want, need, and desire for sexual engagement. Learning what life stressors are impeding their ability to practice regular sexual fitness can alleviate some of the obstacles causing sexual appetite and desire issues

As mentioned above, your sexual well-being is connected to the way you feel about yourself and the environment. Women are born, bred, and socialized to fixate on the way they appear to others. If you have a poor self-image or low self-esteem, it is almost impossible to engage in a healthy sexual lifestyle. It is truly unfortunate our society still places massive pressure on women to be thin, svelte, and seductive in appearance. Because of these societal expectations, women become far too involved in perceiving and feeling “less than” or unattractive to others. This is not to say you should not exercise or practice self-image improvement, but the negative self-image a woman often feels when she’s not to the level she thinks she should be will always directly impact her ability to feel sensual, sexual, and provocative.

Whereas men tend to fixate on their sexual prowess, women seem to fixate on their image as it appears to the outside world. The goal is to reduce this fixation of being your most attractive at all times and then working towards self- acceptance. When you feel reasonably secure about your image, you become vastly more comfortable feeling as a sexual creature that not only deserves attention, but also expects sensual interactions. Speaking to a psychologist, friend, or loved one can help you meet the goal of a healthy self-image.

Women are socialized to be incredible communicators and adept at expressing their feelings. You learn early in development the benefits of discussing your concerns to others as being both healthy and necessary to optimal psychological well-being. Unfortunately, men are not socialized this way and tend to lack the confidence or motivation to communicate to their loved ones about their sexuality. Although men suffer this proverbial disability to discuss their sexual issues to others, women can also be hesitant to discuss sexual matters with others. The key for you is to feel comfortable expressing your sexual thoughts and concerns with the ones you are engaging in sexual practices with. Your male counterpart may not appear to be listening or concerned with your sexual needs. The secret reality is your male counterpart will usually welcome whatever advice you give him since his ego is connected to your sexual perception of him. There are men who truly are clueless about women’s needs and expectations, but if you believe in practicing sexual fitness, you will quickly educate him.

Self-awareness is essentially, “Know Thy Self”. Despite religious and societal interpretations of masturbation and self-stimulation, it is highly recommended for you to know what arouses you sexually and helps puts you in a sensual mood. Self stimulation and masturbation is like exercise for the sexual senses. The more you know what arouses you, the better you will be at communicating to others what heightens your sexual prowess. The only way to communicate what your sexual trigger points are is to know what places on your body arouses you. Men have communicated to me in counseling on numerous times confusion about the female anatomy. They also confess they do not know how to touch and talk to their partner hoping to heighten her arousal. Women too often do not recognize what their sexual triggers are. Self-stimulation and masturbation helps you to recognize what arouses you and teaches how to identify the areas of your body that are sensitive to sensual touch. Masturbation not only educates a woman, but also has suggested in clinical studies to be a healthy behavior contributing to an increased sense of physical well-being. The more a woman is educated about her anatomy, and areas of sexual sensitivity can only positively contribute to her sexual life. The key is regularly practice self-stimulation as often as possible in order to achieve sexual fitness.

There are women who do not practice self stimulation or masturbation due to religious, philosophical, or for moral reasons. There are also women who do not practice masturbation because they simply don’t have the time due to work, children, or household responsibilities. When these reasons for not taking the time to practice self stimulation are apparent, then the next best thing is practicing sexual fantasy. There have been studies that have suggested men think about sex from every 10-15 seconds to every several minutes. There are no known studies that I have come across that have determined how often women think about sex. Although there may be these studies, I have not had the opportunity to review them. If there are such studies, I can almost guarantee women’s frequency of sexual thoughts are not nearly as frequent as men. Not to say that you should fantasize about sex as often as men, but I do recommend spending a little time each day engaged in sexual fantasy. To fantasize about sex is not only healthy for the mind and body, but it is great for stress management as well. Sexual thoughts and periods of sexual fantasy can also help you better understand your own thoughts and needs and teach you to be comfortable with sexuality in general. Fantasy is fantasy. There are no boundaries when it comes to an arousing sexual fantasy. The act of thinking about sex contributes to your positive feelings of well-being and potential increased urges of sexual desire.

In conclusion, volumes of books and videos have been produced to assist women in increasing their sexual prowess and appetite. I alone could spend hours writing about what I’ve heard from women seeking healthy sexual functioning. The goal for you is to understand how important it is to spend time thinking about your sexual self and how much better life becomes when you regularly engage in sexual exploration. A woman, like a man, is a sexual creature. The key for you is to endeavor upon using a holistic approach to obtain your optimal sexual functioning. The mind, body, and spirit all work synergistically to help you feel as a sexual creature with urges and needs. Sexuality may be a taboo subject for some, but it is clearly a mandatory part of our species survival. In its finite form, sexuality and the goal of sex is for the purpose of procreation. All animals procreate for survival of their species. Although procreation is the evolutionary goal of sex, that does not mean you have to relinquish your right to healthy sexual functioning and enjoyment. Men need to emphasize less the importance of sex, and women need to emphasize more their capacity for sexual enjoyment and deep yearning for sensual intimacy. Sexual fitness is an activity that requires you to think about and practice each day.

Dr. Michael Nuccitelli is a New York State licensed psychologist and a clinical and educational consultant for Herberex Inc. and Goliath Labs Inc. Dr. Nuccitelli areas of expertise include dietary supplement compliance guidelines, sports nutrition, human sexuality, forensic psychology, health/fitness, and psychiatric/psychological issues.