The search for the historical Spider-man

Christian Guilds List Manager

Some say he was a hero. Some, a good man or even a great teacher. Still other claim that he was a dangerous renegade.

And then there are those who claim he was more. More than a man.

The man known as Peter Parker has a story that is so shrouded in myth and legend and fantasy and wild speculation that these myths and fantasies have become part of the story. For the most part, it would not be too much of a charge to say that the entire story is a pack of lies, if I be so bold. But the story has persisted through time. This points to the idea that the story contains some truth at its core. And, if we can discover that truth, we may discover something about ourselves -- what motivates and fascinates and enthralls our minds.

I'm Maximilian Skinner, and discovering that truth is my job.

Well, mine and a few others. You see, I'm a researcher at the Columbian Institute for Third Millennium History. My team and my rivals dissect the ancient legends to find out what we can about the psyches, imaginations, struggles, and zeitgeist of our ancestors.

Many of my fellow researchers believe that the Parker Story is somewhat factual. The notion is silly at best, but some of us, notable B. G. Hemwright, have managed to spark the public eye. That's why I'm writing this. To let you know that there is nothing supernatural or superhuman about the man we call Peter Parker. His story is scattered and inconsistent and hard to grasp, but it is a simple story, with the greatest height of absurd embellishments.

While it is difficult to separate fact from fiction, here is what we do know:

Parker (we do not know his first name) was a police officer living sometime between 1960 and 2050. We believe that computer technology first arose during his lifetime. Evidence supports this theory, as he seems to avoid the use of computers, but they seem to be present.

Parker rose in the ranks of enlisted police, but never became a decorated member of the policing community until after his death. It appears that when Parker was a teenage boy, he "ran with the wrong crowd" for a while, essentially becoming a casual member or interested follower of a street gang in what was called New York. Parker, an orphan, found the attention attractive, until his uncle was murdered. Following the murder, Parker discovered that one of the gangsters that he found so interesting was responsible for the crime.

His uncle's murder had two overall effects on the young man's life. First, Parker lost all interest in organized crime and instead through his resolve into becoming a police officer. It is believed that Parker's goal was to shut down the very gangs that he was into as a teenager. Second, Parker became a bit of recluse in his personal life, choosing to spend his spare time away from the city engaging in various rural activities, such as bicycling and mountain climbing. It is from the latter hobby that Parker's legendary climbing abilities are derived. Parker used these hobbies to distract himself from his uncle's tragic death, which Parker felt he had somehow allowed or encouraged.

As a police officer, Parker was partially responsible for breaking up and dissolving a motorcycle gang known as the Green Goblins. According to our research, we believe that Parker discovered that the gang was stockpiling explosives in a nearby canyon. Parker stumbled upon the cache while on one of his mountain-climbing expeditions. Parker also proved that the Goblins were financed by a wealthy right-wing businessman named Norman Osborne. Osbourne was found guilty of several charges including conspiracy to commit murder and locked away. Parker was nominated to receive a medal for his service, but was skipped over promotion largely due to a string of bad publicity and lobbying by New York media mogul Sylvester Jameson. Jameson's assets had once been a target of Parker's youth crime days, and Jameson did his best to dig up Parker's past whenever he could.

This is the extent of what we know about Parker. Anything more, such as giving Jameson a ridiculous name, is simply ludicrous embellishment.