July 26, 2009

Publicity breakout in Australia

Sun-Herald "Sunday Life" magazine

"Recently we had a big article in Sunday Life here that was the biggest-circulation poly article yet in this country," writes Niko Antalffy from Sydney, Australia. "Big exciting news for Australian polys. There were many awesome reactions, and a LOT of people have seen and read the article in Sydney and Melbourne. Yay!!"

Sunday Life is the Sunday magazine of The Sydney Morning Herald, one of the country's largest newspapers. The cover of the July 12th issue features a closeup of British actress Tilda Swinton with the headlines, "Three's Company: Tilda Swinton's Unusual Love Life" and "Plus, Meet Australia's Polyamorists".

Niko is in the second of these two articles (along with a stunning picture of her). Excerpts from it:

The New Romantics:Meet the Polyamorists

By Claire MacDougall

...At first glance, the Fords appear to possess all the markers of a typical middle-class family.... But in this home, the idea of a nuclear family, and indeed a marriage, has been turned upside down. That's because 42-year-old business consultant Jenny Ford and her husband both have other lovers, and are free to sleep with whomever they choose. The Fords  and increasing numbers of couples like them  are polyamorous.

Jenny's husband of 21 years, and Kip Jansson, a 34-year-old IT consultant from Sweden, are her two great loves... [with whom] Ford thinks she will spend the rest of her life.... "We find that we can negotiate the time I spent with each of them in a way that works for everyone with absolutely no drama....

[Polyamory's] roots spring from many sources  the free-love era of the 1960s and '70s; gay and lesbian subcultures; New Age spiritualism; and the '90s mantra of self-development. Just don't call it swinging. Polyamorists will quickly tell you it's about relationships, honesty, communication, love and intimacy, rather than just sexual pleasure.

Sydney-based poly-friendly counselor Frances Amaroux estimates at least a quarter of her 120 clients are polyamorous and says there has been a huge spike in interest in the past two years.... Amaroux's clients in polyamorous relationships are varied, spanning all ages, genders, and sexualities. But the one thing she thinks distinguishes them is their emotional intelligence, or self-knowledge....

The Fords talked for months before they began their search for polyamorous partners, and drew up what they considered to be crucial to the continued happiness of their marriage. They then drafted some basic guidelines ("tell the truth about your thoughts, feelings, and actions" and "communicate, communicate, communicate") and imagined potential issues that could arise between them and with their lovers. Their relationship works, they believe, because "neither of us have any major insecurity about our relationship; we have no fear of losing one another," she says....

Niko Antalffy was 23 when she realised she wanted more than a monogamous relationship, but was adamant that she did not want to "cheat on people." When the 34-year-old sociologist and Sydney-based academic first learned of the concept four years ago, no polyamorous community existed in Australia.... "I was swimming against the tide all the way. It was difficult and I had to invent things for myself," she says.

...For Antalffy, having several intimate relationships has many benefits. "There is a degree of love, care and connectedness in polyamorous relationships that I have never found in [my] monogamous relationships."

As for the Fords, they say polyamory has enriched their marriage and offers them fulfilling romantic relationships. "Being poly relieves you of the crushing burden of having to be everything to somebody," says Ford. "You can be yourself and your partners can be themselves, and nobody has to try to be everything to everybody or worry about being traded in for 'someone better'."

And here's from the Tilda Swinton article:

The three-way relationship is open and amicable, Swinton has said. "The arrangement is just so sane. John and I live here with our children, and Sandro is sometimes here with us, and we travel the world together. We are all a family." [John] Byrne confirms this, saying of Kopp, "We all love him dearly."

...Swinton has since defended this unusual arrangement as a positive choice for her family. "It may seem odd, but it is certainly the best thing for the children. It's not something I try to promote as a radical lifestyle choice, but it's a situation I find very healthy. I can maintain my life with my children and their father, and spend time with the man I've become very fond of. I am very fortunate there has been a lot of understanding by the men."

The pair of articles are not online at the newspaper's site, but someone has put up images of the pages that you can read.