Monday, July 2, 2012

Award-winning Author and Guest Blogger - Sarah McLaughlin

Please welcome award-winning author and guest blogger, Sarah McLaughlin as she chat about Hope for the Future: Why I Believe Better Parenting
Can Save the World!

Welcome Sarah! I'm in the midst of reading your book and can't wait to write my book review and share with others.

Hope for the Future

Why I Believe Better Parenting
Can Save the World

By Sarah
MacLaughlin, Award-winning Author of What
Not To Say:

Tools for Talking with Young Children

My
obsession with parenting actually began as fascination with babies. From the
time I was old enough to hold one, I LOVED
babies. I was captured by their innocence and joyful delight. I ended up being
the oldest of seven. I was labeled a “little mother” from my preschool days. I
am a caretaker from way back—always wanting to grow up fast so I could do a
better job of it.

But,
maybe growing up fast wasn’t the best plan. No one’s childhood is perfect, and
I had my share of chaos and hardship. I also had plenty of laughter and fun. My
parents failed and succeeded—overall doing a good-enough job. Yes, I turned out
okay, but this doesn’t mean I received the
best guidance. I’m fairly sure that we are still working on figuring out
what kind of parenting might create an environment for optimal human development. I know we’re getting closer!

I was
interested to see several writers on this blog tour
take note of the epigraph in my book, a home-hitting quote from fellow
parenting educator and friend, Pam Leo: “Let’s raise kids who don’t have to
recover from their childhoods.” It strikes a chord, doesn’t it? Why do so many
of us feel we have to “recover” from the upbringing we’ve received? Maybe some
things should change? The “old story” tells us that
we must teach children, through unpleasant experiences, or through losing
something they desire, how to behave well. But this is faulty thinking because
children always learn from example. They learn by watching us: what we do and
what we say. We don’t need to always instruct them how to behave,
because we are always showing them with our own behavior. I am
extremely encouraged to see so many other advocates of this shift in parenting.
We can move from a place of coercion to one of collaboration.

Part of
the evolution of parenting is amazing new brain research that we can draw on.
New scientific findings about how babies develop, and how children grow and
learn are fascinating additions to the general theories of parenting. There are
many voices (Carrie at Early Parenting, Rebecca at Consciously Parenting, and Annie and PhD in Parenting come to mind) growing
louder about this paradigm shift in parenting. That change from a controlling,
authority-based, behavioral approach to a cooperative, relationship-based
approach can only help humankind—this is why I persevere in my quest to support
parents in discovering their true heart in parenting.

In our
broader world, we are also (hopefully) moving from
an individualistic viewpoint that holds financial success and material wealth
in the highest regard, to a community-minded view that reveres cooperation and
emotionally honest problem-solving. This change is slow-going, but it is worth
the effort. Small people deserve mindful parenting. They deserve to be treated
with kindness and respect.

To
paraphrase Genevieve at The Way of the Peaceful Parent: she suggests that we approach
problems from the perspective that there is a conflict because one or more people are upset. From this place we trust a
child’s inherent goodness. We believe that through honest, authentic, but
sensitive sharing of feelings, difficulties can be resolved. The aim is to sort
it out together.

And so I imagine that someday children will be honored and
parents will be supported. No one will be labeling behavior “bad,” or insisting
that children be “taught a lesson.” Parental leave will be standard, parenting
education plentiful. Lack of resources for families will not be tolerated. I
envision two people talking: “Remember when people didn’t really respect
children or realize they need to be listened to? Remember spanking and
time-outs? Remember when people lost their jobs unless they went back to work
when their children were babies?—Wasn’t that insane?”

I remain ever hopeful because educated people once believed the earth was flat.

I'd love to hear
what you think about the evolution of parenting and parenting education!

Special Giveaway!

Please comment
on this post about what makes you hopeful about the evolution of parenting and
parenting education. Your comment enters you in the eBook Giveaway -- to win an
ebook copy of What Not to
Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children, in the format of
your choice: PDF, epub, or Kindle format. Sarah will be giving away one copy at
each blog stop and will announce it on the comments of this post tomorrow. Be sure to leave your email so we can
contact you in case you're the winner!

Sarah MacLaughlin
has worked with children and families for over twenty years. With a background
in early childhood education, she has previously been both a preschool teacher
and nanny. Sarah is currently a licensed social worker at The Opportunity
Alliance in South Portland, Maine, and works as the resource coordinator
in therapeutic foster care. She serves on the board of Birth
Roots, and writes the "Parenting Toolbox" column for a local
parenting newspaper, Parent & Family. Sarah teaches classes and
workshops locally, and consults with families everywhere. She considers it her
life's work to to promote happy, well-adjusted people in the future by
increasing awareness of how children are spoken to today. She is mom to a young
son who gives her plenty of opportunities to take her own advice about What Not
to Say. More information about Sarah and her work can be found at her site:
http://www.saramaclaughlin.com.

Sarah, thank you for visiting Write What Inspires You! Your article and insights are inspiring! Good luck and keep up the great work.

Your right children do need to be listened to. I tried to always listen to my children and they are listening to theirs. Every child has a right to that privilege and many don't. Unfortunately, people are so busy now days that kids are coming up short. It's very sad.

What a great and powerful article Sarah. It is near and dear to my heart. I say, "children are God's gift to the Earth!" I have even written a poem titled that. Coincidentally, on my blog today there is a book titled One Large Peanut Butter Sandwich to Go. Ironically it is about this subject, a mother persuading her son to do the right thing by means of his own assumption. Great post Donna, Thanks!

The "Children should be seen and not heard" parent philosophy has been retired in most families I know. Parents are learning a lot by listening to their children when they're still little. Seems that this practice also sets up a better system of communication for those teen years.

Yes, that's true. I think we've come a long way and it's probably something more along the lines of "seen and heard but following directions and not making a fuss." I know I am easily distracted from truly paying attention to my son. We live in a fast moving world!

Great quote: Pam Leo: “Let’s raise kids who don’t have to recover from their childhoods.” That's what my book 101 SECRETS! is really about too! I also believe that poetry appreciation and writing can save the planet. Thanks for sharing.

Interesting post, Sarah. I always thought it strange that we're taught how to do most everything, except how to be good parents. I think this is happening now for mothers and fathers of today and think it's a great idea.

Such an important topic. I would love to win the ebook. I am constantly praying to God that I raise my daughter well and don't give her any reason to have to "recover" as you mentioned in your post. Thanks for putting stuff like this out in to the world!

Thanks, Donna & Sarah, for providing much needed information. "Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever have." You'll wish your baby came with a guidebook. You'll love, laugh, cry, throw your hands up in frustration. You'll wish you were better prepared and you had done a better job. I'm grateful for strong voices like Sarah's. Children are a precious gift. May God, and our children, forgive our missteps and mistakes. Lifelong learning is key. Thanks and blessings.