All men and women should realize that when they get married, they havecreated a new family. Your new husband or wife becomes your newfamily. Everyone else is part of the "extended" family -- which meansthey should not be as close to you as your spouse. Your mom, dad,sisters and brothers lose their priority and importance in your life.If you are not ready to place them below your mate, then you probablyaren't ready to get married.

This is a very difficult concept for many parents to embrace. Afterall, they spend twenty or so years being the number one person intheir child's eye. They sacrificed so much to bring their child tothis point in their life. But hopefully, they have reared theiroffspring to become adults, not to stay as children. Many men andwomen have to respectfully, but forcefully let their parents know thatthey are all grown up and that their husband/wife is now their numberone priority and center of their life.

Here are some tips on dealing with in-laws.

* When you are first married, DO NOT live with in-laws (unless it isyour country's custom). If you cannot afford a place of your own,then why are you getting married now? I can't emphasize this pointstrongly enough.

* Make a rule that your in-laws cannot just "drop by" the first yearor more of your marriage. Better yet, live at least an hour or twoaway from them so you can work on building your own relationshipinstead of spending so much time with other family members.

* If you spend more time each week talking with your parents (inperson or on the phone) than you do with your spouse, then you knowsomething needs tweaking in your relationship.

* If you and your mate argue or fight, resist the temptation to runhome to your parents. You need to learn to solve the problems in yourrelationship and running away prolongs the solution. Telling yourparents about all your marital problems makes it difficult for them tosupport your marriage.

* If you need advice on a problem you are having in your relationship,every once in a while talk it over with your in-laws. They will behonored that you came to them for advice and they probably have somegood insight into your mate that you could never get from your ownparents.

* Remember that every time you bad mouth your in-laws in front of yourmate, you are tearing up someone they love.

* Show your in-laws kindness even if they are unkind to you. "Turningthe other cheek" will earn you so much respect from your mate and yourin-laws.

* You do not have to visit your in-laws every time your spouse goes tovisit his family. If they get offended, they need to grow up.

* Send notes and cards to your in-laws from time to time. Sign yourname only so they know it is just from you.

* Do not let your parents or your in-laws pressure you into having"grandchildren for them." If and when you have children is NONE OFTHEIR BUSINESS. If you need them to "get off your back" tell themthat having children is a private matter between you and your spouseand that you will let them know when you are expecting.

* If your parents or in-laws are rude, nasty, hateful and negative,you do not have to visit them. You can't choose your parents but youcan choose your family. Just because someone gave birth to you doesnot give her any right to ruin your day. Don't feel guilty for notvisiting extended family that is abusive or demeaning to you, yourspouse or children.

* Come up with a good game plan for holidays. (see my article -Decision Time)

* If you are not already engaged, try to spend as much time with thein-laws as possible, especially if your sweetheart is close to his orher family. You need to know what you are getting into.

* Another benefit of getting to know your potential mate's parents isto see what type of person he or she will potentially become in 10, 20or 30 years. Our parents do pass on their genes to us and like it ornot, we often "become like our mother/father."

One final bit of advice for you and your in-laws. Love them, likethem, tolerate them or simply respect them. There is no room in ablissful relationship for hate.

Hon are u kidding me..i tell my family that they will all..and i mean all 52 of my first cousins will come and beat the shit out of me... just watch my big fat greek weedding..thats my family..the greek side..and well the grooms family is my man's side... we are different cultures but it does give us a good few laughs at each othjers family... the problem i have with my sister-in-law is that when my hub gets irritated with her and it takes all of 5 mins into her visits he dumps her on me with the " Babes you have 52 fisrt cousins and about 23 that annoy you..how much harm if it becomes 24"... then nerve...

hey guys i have to run... will be online for a small part of tomorrow morning then have a meeting... but lets see how we can keep this going...

Am confident that this will work out, try & look 98 days back, majority of us found it utterly difficult to move around BBA forum but with time we became the experts, so my dear darlings give this board time. It will be just fine