pelll, di God-lord changing allllll …Such jumble, Dr Jekly, she mumbo, so quickup I roll her to play wid Black Magic masksin attic. And ask, Vut is wrong wid Rub?Always, again in British on me:Does he too do Christmas making money

for charities with Cliff Richard?

From Tippoo Sultan's Incredible White-Man-Eating Tiger Toy-Machine by Daljit Nagra (Faber, £12.99). To order a copy for £10.39 with free UK p&p call 0330 333 6846 or go to guardian.co.uk/bookshop