Stories about Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban’s post-championship celebrations just get better and better. As his players – and apparently some of the Miami Heat players – partied until the sun came up at Miami’s Club Liv, Cuban purchased a bottle of champagne for $90,000. That’s right, one bottle of champagne. Granted, it was almost 4-feet tall, but still. That’s like 20,000-times the price of the champagne that I drink when I celebrate getting more than one comment on a blog post. But Cuban wasn’t just done at $90,000 – and the supposed 100-250 bottles of booze he shelled out a rumored $500,000 for – as he tipped an additional $20,000 for the champagne. Pardon me if I’m over-excited about this, but I once received a dollar tip on $40, so a boy can dream.
I wanted to get the real scoop on Cuban’s exploits after I heard that he’s taking the Larry O’Brien Trophy on wild, extravagant adventures across the globe, and possibly even time and space. I mean, that can’t be real, can it? CAN IT? See for yourself.
(Special thanks to Punte, Vince, Ufford, Cajun Boy and Danger Guerrero for planning parts of Cuban’s trip.)
Wow, look at that! Mark’s visiting Egypt, but that sounds pretty tame. I wonder if there’s a deeper reason…
He’s treasure hunting! How cool! Man, I bet Jon Voight is fun.
Hey, that’s a cool car, Mark Cuban. But I’d expect you to be a little more lavish than that.
Oh man, Don Johnson and Philip Seymour Hoffman Michael Thomas! That’s fantastic.
Haha, awesome, vacation with Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen. Boy, Brady sure does love his waterslides.
Hey, there’s Ohio governor John Kasich. I can’t believe you’re helping him campaign for another term. Then again, he just made you an honorary Ohioan, and there’s no greater prize than that. That’ll really stick it to, LeBron James.
Wow, you’re apparently time traveling just to stick it to LeBron.
Aw, come on, Mark. This is one of LeBron’s happiest moments and you’re ruining it now. I can’t believe you’d be that mean…
MARK! Come on, man, that’s just wrong. Wait a second, something’s not right here. Why did you really get that hotel room?
I KNEW IT!
Oh, so winning a NBA Championship wasn’t enough. Now you’re going back in time and disturbing historic moments.
And pop cultural benchmarks.
OK, I’ll admit that’s a pretty cool trip.

That’s a little far back now, don’t you think?
Now you’re just showing off, Cubes.
Dude, that’s just a meme. You’re not even being creative now.
OK, I suppose that’s a little better. But why don’t you just be honest and show me something that you’ve really been doing?
Well that looks nice – a cozy rug and a fire. What’s that? You have one more picture? Lay it on me.
Grow up, Mark.