Me: My granny used to say: “If there’s enough blue to make a Dutchman’s trousers, it will end up being nice.”

D: There’s only enough to make a Dutchman’s shorts. Who is your granny?

Me: She died before you were born. She was G-G’s wife.

D: But that was ages ago and G-G’s still alive!

Me: Yes, he’s strong.

D: Well, he’s not strong with lots of muscles because he’s old, but he kept going.

Me: Yes – mentally, he’s strong.

D: Who was your granny’s mum?

Me: The lady on the front of the photo album with all the family pictures in it in our dining room.

D: Oh. And who’s Granny’s mum?

Me: Granny’s mum is my granny, the lady I just told you about who died before you were born.

D: Does my dad know Granny?

Me: Yes, he knows her from when we were married.

[Long pause]

D: Did you know that everyone in the world is family? They’re all joined up, because otherwise there would be people at the end without a mum and dad which doesn’t make sense – everyone’s from the same family. The person in that car in front is our family. And the random person in that car over there is our family too. And that person, and that person, and that person…

Me: Okay, I suppose that’s true – at some point back in time we must all be related somehow. Where did you learn about that?

D: I’m going to read EVERYTHING there is about dinosaurs – if it says anything about ‘dinosaurs’ I’m going to read it!
Me: Do you want to be a Palaeontologist?
D: What’s that?
Me: Someone who finds out all about dinosaurs and prehistoric times.
D: Yes! That’s what I want to be! I want to be a Palaeontologist. Can you book me onto a lesson PLEEEASE mum? Can you find some training for kids to be Palaeontologists and if it’s not too much money can you book me on? I REALLY want to do that.
Me: I’ll look into it…
Poster by Chart Media, purchased at Stony Stratford Library

So far, we’ve visited the Natural History Museum (last Oct), D has excavated 6 dinos from a block of plaster, helped a T-Rex to fly and watched the BBC’s Walking with Dinosaurs series twice over. He’s now deeply into some library books on the subject.

Boy: I can’t believe in Danny The Champion of the World, when Mr Victor Hazell was going to see the Doc and he kicked the dog out of the way instead of walking over it!

Mum: I know, it was cruel wasn’t it?

Boy: Yes – it was SO cruel.

Mum: Some people aren’t very nice like that, they can be very unkind to animals.

Boy: Yes, like Jane’s brother – he doesn’t like animals and he hates them SO much that he threw her pet hamster DOWN the stairs!

Mum: Really? A real, live hamster?

Boy: Yes! And the hamster had to go to hospital because it had broken its leg and to had to stay there for a whole week!

Mum: It sounds like it might have been safer there. That’s awful – how old is he?

Boy: He’s 4.

Mum: Why do you think he did it?

Boy: I don’t know – he just doesn’t like animals. Except skunks. He goes to a club called Animals Karate Club and they learn all about how to not be nice to animals there.

Mum: I doubt very much that there’s a club which encourages children to be nasty to animals – that would be wrong.

Boy: Well, half the time they’re telling the children what’s cruel and half the time they tell them about what’s good, and Jane’s brother only stays for the half which tells them about how to be cruel.

Mum: Do you think they give examples of cruel behaviour – just to explain what you shouldn’t do with animals – before they tell you how to care for them properly?

Boy: Yeeees. But he only stays for the bad stuff, then he goes home.

Mum: Oh dear.

Boy: Jane’s changed her code on the cage now, because she had a code on it before, but her brother was watching over her shoulder and saw it, so she’s changed it now. I like the cage – it’s got a tube that the hamster can play in and a zig-zag cardboard thing with steps in it that the hamster can climb up when he wants to go up to his bed for a nap. And he’s got a hamster wheel.

D: Because you’re too big – you have to be smaller than me to be a fairy.

Me: Oh – that’s a shame. I wanted to be a fairy.

D: Well, you might be able to be one – you need to talk to Auntie Vicky. She knows them. She told me the stories from when she was a little kid:
One day, Auntie Vicky didn’t know where the gravestone was – with her friend – every single day, so she wrote a letter to the fairies and the dog took the letter to the fairies and the fairies got the lawn mower out and mowed the grass and so Auntie Vicky and her friend followed the path and went straight to the grave – it was a really small grave. And you know how grass takes an extraORDINARILY long time to grow?

Me: Yes.

D: Well, the next day, it had all grown back – straight away!
Also, when she was little, she really wanted her toys to come to life, so she drawed hearts, coloured them in, and cut them out and put them in her toys. And in the middle of the night, when she was still a kid, she woke up, creeped down the stairs without her mother noticing, and all the toys had come to life, they could speak, they could move about – and she realized, it must have been the fairies that did this!
So, that’s why you have to ask Auntie Vicky about being a fairy.
So mum, one day, can I put paper hearts in all my toys?

Like this:

D: There’s a game we go and play at lunchtimes sometimes – It’s like Fishy Fishy, but there’s an octopus and if you get tagged by it, you turn into seaweed and you float around and wave your arms like this..!

If someone touches you then they turn into seaweed. If the last person touches you or the octopus, they have to turn into one – and the winner is…. Mr Grice – he’s our PE teacher.

And there’s a song that goes with it: “Fishy fishy, swim in the sea, and get turned into seaweed with your eaten body, and get your bones turned onto the ground, seaweed, seaweed, see-, see-, see-, seaweed.”