All eyes were on Hofstra University Tuesday night for the second presidential debate between President Barack Obama and his opponent, Mitt Romney. The town hall format gave both candidates a chance to shine.

According to 100% of pundits polled by democratic pundits, President Obama won the debate in dramatic fashion. “Hands down. He won,” said Paul Begala. “He destroyed Romney. He won before he even started. As soon as President Obama smiled at the crowd, he won. Mitt Romney showed his true self tonight. He proved himself to be a man who would kill a cancer patient if he had the chance, or throw an old woman off a cliff. That’s the Mitt Romney we saw tonight.”

All the democratic pundits called Barack Obama the victor even BEFORE the debate started. “Democratic pundits are the best in the world, that’s why we get paid so much damn money,” said James Carville, a former Clinton adviser and top Democratic pundit.

“We wrote the headlines for the NY Times this morning, calling the debate for President Obama. That’s how sure we were that he was going to win,” said Stu Lightman, editor of the New York Times.

During the debate, President Obama reportedly called Mitt Romney out on his 47% remark, his Bain Capital misfires and the billions of dollars that Mitt Romney has hidden in a bunker in Sweden.

President Obama claims that Romney hid vast amount of cash in Sweden since 2002. “Mitt Romney robbed children and senior citizens, then he had the cash shipped to Sweden. He’s a criminal. He should be locked up in the big house, not the white house,” David Axelrod reportedly said.

President Obama also pointed out that Mitt Romney wanted women to wear chastity belts again and that he wanted to send ALL hispanics back to Mexico.

The debate was held at Hofstra University, which is 25 miles away from New York City. The eighth largest mall in America, Roosevelt Field, sits nearby, along with the Nassau Coliseum. President Obama went shopping there before the debate – he was looking for his “big boy” shoes – according to campaign insiders.

CNN’s Candy Crowley moderated the debate, but she was not allowed to speak. She used hand gestures to indicate to the candidates when it was their turn to answer a question. Crowley tried to say a few words, but she was under strict orders not to say anything at all about President Obama. She did have one question for Mitt Romney: “Governor Romney, are you still robbing banks?”

Crowley was not happy that she was silenced for the debate:

Mitt Romney is flying to Utah tonight to regroup and recharge. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir is going to perform a “healing concert” for the Republican candidate. “He’s probably going to get a pair of golden underwear at the ceremony” said a top Romney aide.

Meanwhile, President Obama celebrated his victory by giving every resident of Ohio $50,000 in cash – provided that they vote for him (at least once) on November 6th. “The President wants to help the little guys that help him,” said a campaign insider.