Sunday, April 15, 2012

Chapter 8!

I like this chapter because Penny goes through a universally creepy experience. It's that awkward moment when, completely out of nowhere, you realize someone you never cared about is -- GASP -- actually kind of cute. Maybe the lighting is right. Maybe he said something smart. Maybe he got a new shirt or finally took a shower. Either way, it CHALLENGES EVERYTHING YOU ONCE BELIEVED.

Catch up on the rest here! And enjoy that screen grab, which I call "Gnome on Meth." My other two choices were "Just Smelled Vomit" and "About to Sneeze." Thanks, YouTube!

Monday, April 2, 2012

One of my 6,432 literary goals is to write a "cookbook" with my friend, Emily. It's going to have really bad, pathetic recipes, like, "How to Scrape Creeping Mold Off Graham Crackers and Proceed," "How to Spread Sour Cream On Everything, and We Do Mean Everything," and "How to Melt Crystallized Heath Bar Crunch Ice Cream from the Back of the Freezer Into Your Coffee When You Run Out of International Delight Creamer and Are Too Bloated To Show Your Face In a Grocery Store."

We've written a handful of these gems, and I think I came up with another last night. Back up the money truck, publishers!

Poverty-Chic Mexican Lasagna, in 14 Easy Steps.

First, bask in a shot of my actual fridge and its "contents." Note: this was taken a week ago, and now the bacon and the salad the Disney/Pixar Cars 2 juice box are gone, leaving even less.

1. Open fridge. Examine contents. Discover Diet Cokes, one "churro-flavored" yogurt you bought on a whim last month but just can't get excited about, a strange jar of jelly, some cheese and three stale flour tortillas.

4. Dump in can of corn, stored safely on shelf with other non-perishables.

5. Realize this will be dry and gross. Go back in fridge. Push slightly to right old bowl of pasta you are afraid to look inside of. Discover BRAND NEW JAR OF SALSA! Do happy dance. Sing Beyonce's Love on Top, but replace "love" with "Mexican lasagna."

14. Serve with side salad, or scoop of strange jelly. Serve churro yogurt for dessert, but let someone else try it first and watch for facial ticks. Enjoy!

Here is a picture. I forgot to take one when I made it, so this is a shot of the leftovers in the pan, after they had congealed in the fridge overnight. The lasagna looks like brain spillage after the zombie invasion's last victim is claimed. But it tasted super great, I swear. As Stephen Colbert says, I Am America, And So Can You!