While America was celebrating hope and inclusion and being awesome, British media and academia were conspiring to blame our black squirrels for stealing the lovers and food of delicate native reds. RACIST.

In the most egregious case of animal profiling since the Africanized "killer" bee caused mass hysteria in the U.S., a professor at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge, England determined that the black squirrels are wiping out their beloved native squirrel. The natives have red hair like proper Europeans, while the blacks came from America during the late 1880s. In addition to the reds, the black squirrels are also wiping out the more common "greys," also considered terrible impure foreign interlopers.