Everywhere we turn, there are signs that the tide is turning in country music for the better. Chris Stapleton and Sturgill Simpson are turning the tables on the awards shows, a new generation of traditionalists like William Michael Morgan and Margo Price are finding surprising traction, and songs of substance are even starting to make their way back on to the radio.

But it’s not all rosy. At the same time, it seems Music Row in Nashville is still searching for the bottom when it comes to certain singles, with the only solace being many of them are failing when years before they would become the biggest songs of the year.

So to vent our frustration and hold Music Row’s feet to the fire, let’s select the worst songs of 2016 out of the assembly line and torch the bloody hell out of them for sport. Forgive me mother for there will be numerous instances of foul language.

Steven Tyler – “Red, White and You”

America, I think all of us as individuals need to indulge in a really deep-minded and personal moment of reflection, and ask ourselves why as a people we spend billions upon billions of dollars of our gross domestic product on national defense to stockpile all manner of weapons of war and raise an army of fighting men and women, when within our midst we’ve been bestowed a weapon capable of mass destruction so diabolical and absolute, it could waylay hoards of invading armies on the spot, all while making the rest of the world writhe and recoil in such abject fear that a more potent deterrent to any manner of aggression towards our fair soil or our way of life could never be procured. And no, I’m not talking about the arsenal of intercontinental nuclear missiles that could destroy every living thing on Earth seven times over, I’m talking about the abhorrent and ungodly scourge that emanates from Steven Tyler’s mouth when he performs the song “Red, White & You.”

I would rather let Iran obtain weapons grade plutonium and a missile delivery system capable of reaching the mainland United States than listen to this artifice of gross misogyny and patriotic self-aggrandization. Because as long as “Red, White & You” is playing, freedom has no value, and life is not worth living.

Fiercely loyal and relevant to the country music themes blazing with popularity in the summer of 2013, “Red, White & You” is slavish pandering to the “Peach Pickers” country influence, while licking the balls of bands like Florida Georgia Line. Tyler sings about the beauty of the “Georgia night” like he’s a 16-year-old corn fed Southern boy getting busy with his girlfriend in the back of his hand-me-down Chevy, when in truth he’s a 67-year-old Manhattan native living in Boston who looks like the white version of RuPaul wearing a Bonnie Raitt wig.

You thought we had it bad having to choose between a psychopathic power-hungry maniac, and a corrupt sea hag hosebeast for President? Well imagine a scenario where we elected both. Together. In one big shit sandwich that we’ve all must spend the next four years taking big healthy bites from. That’s basically the malignant puss-oozing ruptured brain tumor of a song you get when you marry Florida Georgia Line—the most acrid, commode-circling swill ever conceived in the history of country music—with the apex douchebags of the embarrassing boy band phenomenon known as the Backstreet Boys, rubbing uglies together to make a mutated hellspawn audio baby to be birthed backwards into your poor supple ear canal in the form of the song “God, Your Mama, and Me.” (from the Dig Your Roots review)

Luke Bryan – “Love Me in a Field”

Like the unwanted advances of a male superior that uses their aura of overbearing power to justify wanton unavoidable passes upon your poor defenseless frame, fully knowing their position of authority will shield them from any repercussions, and any efforts to be awarded recompense for their inappropriate actions will only result in more injury as they exploit their position of power to circumvent all avenues of justice, the audio emanations from Luke Bryan’s new song “Love Me In A Field” move upon you so offensively, scandalously compromising your private space and the security of your personhood, you feel nothing short of violated as the music sweeps across your skin like a pair of fresh hands hell bent on performing a bout of heavy petting that is completely unauthorized and impermissible by law in the majority of jurisdictions and municipalities in this great land.

Of course directly comparing actual sexual assault to the displeasure one may find in the bombardment of even the most noxious musical concoction like the one Luke Bryan has brewed up in his single “Love Me In A Field” is disrespectful to such heinous acts and its scores of daily victims in a world that seems to be trending towards the ultra-misogynistic after so many years of inroads towards equality and respect. But Luke Bryan’s ridiculous ode to having intercourse in arguably the most inexplicably inhospitable places possible makes the subject of the mistreatment and objectification of women especially topical.

The poor object of Luke Bryan’s affection is forced to perform sexual intercourse amidst the serrated edges of cotton shrubs, the intrusive ears of corn protruding from 10-foot stalks, atop mounds of beets (have you ever had a raw beet riding in the small of you back whilst a 200-lb human hunches atop you?), and possibly the worst, out in a field where cows may or may not have shat very recently (as explained in the song). This could only be written by city slickers who only know about farm life through proxy, because anyone whose had their hands on the roughage soliloquized about so lovingly in this song as an idyllic love nest would never want their exposed posteriors or privates potentially interfacing with such knobbly and brambled plant matter.

I’d rather have Donald Trump grab me by the mangina than listen to this. (read full review)

Jerrod Niemann / Lee Brice – “A Little More Love”

Nothing says country like a couple of doughy, late 30-year-old washups trying to squeeze their cellulite into lycra-blended muscle shirts two sizes too small, and rapping over a reggae beat to try and save their trainwrecked careers. I could be positively ripped on a Jamaican spliff, and still this racket would sound like noise pollution and the worst example of cultural misappropriation possibly ever perpetrated in mainstream country. We can expect this nonsense from Jerrod Niemann who is directly responsible for opening the door for Sam Hunt to come along with his EDM bullshit, and now that Arista Nashville has shitcanned Niemann after his terrible record High Noon flopped, he went down the street to the sinking ship of Curb Record to try and salvage what is left of his laughable career by signing his life away to that black hole of an operation.

Meanwhile Lee Brice, who is basically the only commercially-successful star left in Curb’s empty barn, burns through any and all good will built up from decent songs like “I Drive Your Truck” to slavishly pander for a summer hit. This song tries to double up on star power and still whiffs.

Chris Lane – “Fix”

Like a solely synthetic, man-made stimulant meant to target the central nervous system with the most cataclysmically corrosive toxins that are able to be ingested into the human body for the sole purpose of eliciting a short-term physiological boost, but result in diabolically negative outcomes like the sinking of cheeks, the rotting of teeth, and the presence of sores on the skin, until ultimately a portal of hell on earth opens up for the individual where they find themselves estranged from friends, unemployed, stealing from family, and slouched over in a dank alley giving some street boss a hummer just to secure their next score, pop artist Chris Lane, and specifically his song “Fix” are like a scourge of society—a contagion—eroding all propriety and eating away at scruples until a palpable infectious malaise runs rampant throughout all the peoples of the Earth, and inhumane discord settles over our collective experience like a debilitating pall, addled by the overwhelming outcome of an unfortunate addiction.

If “Fix” was a batch of meth, it would have spontaneously exploding in the face of Chris Lane, shooting him out of his singlewide and across the trailer park, giving him first-degree chemical burns all over his pretty, pretty face.

What would fall and hit the ground faster in the vacuum left where Chris Lane’s self-awareness is supposed to be, a dense pound of his excessive ego, or a pound of air from his vacuous cranium? The answer is “Fix”—an abhorrent effort to assemble any and all obvious and transparent pandering mechanisms known to pop music’s collective brain trust for the sole purpose of launching a new Music Row record label that the world needs about as much as another affiliate of ISIS. (read full review)

Jana Kramer – “Said No One Ever”

What kind of fresh hell in a chemical tan has been dragged onto country music’s front stoop and left like the carcass of a disease-ridden rodent murdered in a sewer by a mangy alley cat to fester of some Godforsaken stench that’s so diabolical you’d rather asphyxiate to death than take one more sweet breath on this mortal coil??

The 31-year-old songstress might as well have sold out the Bridgestone Arena in downtown Nashville, promoted the show of a lifetime, sold scalped tickets on the secondary market for three figures, and when everyone showed up, wheeled a dumpster full of soiled baby diapers to center stage, lit it on fire, and then announced over the public address system that we could all go fuck ourselves. (read full review)

Chase Rice – “Whisper”

Sure, why not? Depicting a date rape is an excellent premise of a country song in today’s environment. As bad as his peers are, Chase Rice is the only country artist whose songs require a safe word to listen to. Or if lyrics like “What if I shut ya up with my lips on your lips” get you randy, then dive right in I guess. Chase Rice will parley is 1/5th writing credit on Florida Georgia Line’s “Cruise” into his own Bro-Country career, or he will expend every last shred of human dignity he has left trying.

About the only saving grace with “Whisper” is that it has already flopped so demonstrably, Chase Rice’s career is teetering on the brink of extinction. #56 is the best this song could do on radio, and those dumb bastards will play anything. Chase even wrote an open letter apologizing for the single before it was released. When you’re basically admitting your song is a prime example of vapid suckitude before anyone even hears it, you know you’ve become Music Row’s ultimate tool.

Thomas Rhett – “Vacation”

I remember stories from my vacation Bible School days of the wrath of God taking the form of floods, pestilence, famine, and fire and brimstone. But I guess I missed the part about the unleashing of such audio frightfulness that mankind would pray for nothing less than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to come galloping through a fiery crag in the sky to shepherd in the absolute and complete annihilation of all existence as opposed to being subjected one more second on this mortal coil in audience with such abominable and merciless audio torture.

That was my experience of listening to Thomas Rhett’s “Vacation.”

Seriously, fuck this song. And while we’re on the subject of supernatural beliefs of the Western World, I swear if any, ANY of you bastards tell me this Thomas Rhett audio abortion is “evolution,” then I, The Triggerman from savingcountrymusic.com, will personally come to every one of your houses in a single night like Santa Claus, and take a dump on your bedroom pillows. I’m serious. I don’t want to hear any noise about “Well Thomas Rhett has always had other influences besides country.” Take that weak shit back to the comments section on YouTube.

Thomas Rhett’s “Vacation” had fourteen songwriters. FOURTEEN OF THEM! Which about equals the I.Q. points required to enjoy this aggressively simplistic scacharrine-laced dumpster fire of a regurgitated mashup, or the I.Q. measurement one will attain if you listen to this “song” on repeat. (read full review)

Dierks Bentley – “Somewhere On A Beach”

Not even a mean, echo-filled guitar tone driving “Somewhere on a Beach” could graduate this effort to anywhere near redeemable. It’s just bad. Real bad. It’s so bad, it’s hard to know where to start unraveling the badness, but let’s start by bemoaning this new trend in pop country songs to troll ex-lovers by bragging about how you’ve moved on. Isn’t navigating the madness of human love hard enough without some asshole saying “Nanny nanny boo boo” to you when all you’re trying to do is mend a broken heart? We got this same thing from Luke Bryan’s new ear screw with Karen Fairchild “Home Alone Tonight.” It’s all about going out and having a good time, and then rubbing it in you ex-lover’s face. What the hell is this, freaking high school? Get over yourselves. And all of these songs are centered around people’s stupid-ass phones.

What separates “Somewhere on a Beach” from all of the other Dierks Bentley sellout singles is the emergence of the rounded off vowels and dropped S’s that accompany the effort to instill a song with the metro Ebonic hipness indicative of Sam Hunt, which of course goes part and parcel with the narration of douchebag behavior.

“Somewhere on a Beach” is just a big shit sandwich, and all Dierks Bentley apologists are going to have to take a bite. Yeah yeah, wasn’t Up On The Ridge an awesome album, and weren’t a bunch of cuts from Riser inspiring, and isn’t it refreshing to see Dierks can laugh at himself with his Douglas Douglason & Hot Country Knights gimmick. But none of this will make this monstrosity go away. (read full review)

This isn’t a list of artists, it’s a list of songs. Sam Hunt has had a curiously quiet 2016, and I aim to keep it that way. I believe his handlers are very concerned that in this current country environment, Sam Hunt could be finished, and that’s why we’ve seen him take a very low profile. He had become the poster boy for Metro-Bro, and the A1 public enemy in the current traditional country resurgence were in the midst of at the moment. When Sam Hunt re-emerges, which I would expect to happen early next year, either late winter or early spring, he’ll either become the biggest thing in country music, or he’ll fall flat on his face a la Chase Rice. It’s a very interesting time for Sam Hunt at the moment.

“Make You Miss Me” was his only single in 2016. It was released in March. It’s from his debut record “Montevallo” and it is a sixth single, which in the industry is sort of a controversial move. It performed well on the charts though. Since then Sam has been very curiously out of the spotlight, especially since he was the best selling artist in all of 2015, even outpacing Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line. The negatives on Sam Hunt are through the roof, and I think his peeps are trying to figure out how to navigate that. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he had a record almost in the can and they’ve gone back to the drawing board. It will be very interesting to see what his next move is.

I’ll say this, as terrible as his music is, a LOT of people liked and bought it. It is easy to turn aside a Chase Rice et al, but there clearly was a lot of support for his music and I don’t think those people just disappear into thin air. If I were his label (and thus solely looking to make the most money off of him), I’d have another album of trash for the minions to buy up ASAP.

My only other thought is given that he actually does have some talent and popularity, are they considering taking him out of country and into a more natural genre.

Good thoughts. In a vacuum devoid of any context I would have no problem with Sam Hunt (other than the fact that he looks like a serial rapist on his album cover) and think I could like a few of his songs.

I’ve only had the misfortune of hearing the Steven Tyler trash from this list and I agree with you Trigger that I’d rather Iran have nuclear weapons capable if reaching the USA rather than listening to this guff.I’m from Scotland mind you so it’s a bit easier for me to say !

Compared to Vacation every other song on this list belongs on your best of 2016 list, But only in comparison and not in reality. For my money Vacation was the single worst song released in any genre in any year since the beginning of recorded time. Vacation is bad enough to ruin the concept of a vacation.

I made my worst songs of 2016 list and Vacation by Thomas Rhett took third place on my all genre list. It is easily the worst “country” song of the year in my book with Fix by Chris Lane as the runner-up (and 5th place on my all-genre list).

No way. I’m no Kevin Fowler fan, too often he goes to the “song about Texas” well, but “Sellout Song” is actually a pretty decent song. I’m not sure it holds up when being listened to, but the video sold that song to me. Is it deep? No. Will it hold up well over time? Doubtful. But as a silly song lampooning all that is wrong with bro-country? I think it’s a solid effort. No “Songs About Trucks”, but a solid effort regardless.

To be honest, you could have written a column on the worst songs of each month. It was just a horrible year for mainstream music, after what I thought was pretty good 2015.

For me, 2016 was the paint by numbers year. Everyone just checked the boxes on songs and left little originality. Before this year, songs like Brad Paisley’s “Today” or Carrie Underwood’s “Heartbeat” would have been the “other” ballad on CDs — the one that wasn’t released as a single or played live.

Rascal Flatt’s “I Like The Sound of That” or Jake Owens’ “American Country Love Song” (my pick for the worst single release of the year) have no message other than radio likes songs like this.

And where’s H.O.L.Y. by FGL — that song was so bland and it was No. 1 for most of the year. So bland. I understand you can’t list every FGL song, but man that song was boring and lifeless.

And although they were released in 2015, they hit No. 1 this year, so I’m once again going to say “Dibs” and “Home Alone Tonight” were two of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. So bad.

My worst song of the year is different for girls. Most of these songs are stupid but they’re not trying to be serious. That song is trying to be serious and is a massive backwards stereotype. It’s offensive.

Completely agree. I haven’t heard all these songs listed, but of the ones I have, I agree they deserve to be here…except for “Somewhere on a Beach”….while not the best song of the year, I think “Different for Girls” is far worse. “Somewhere on a Beach” is forgettable and lacking, but there are far more terrible songs.

“Different For Girls” tried to do something different. It failed, and in a way I can completely understand people (especially women) could take offense at. But it’s awful due to bad execution, not intent. That’s what makes it different from these other songs, including “Somewhere on a Beach.”

I get what you’re saying, but I still feel that qualifies it as terrible enough to rank above “Somewhere on a Beach,” which is a stupid song, but mostly because it sounds like a rehash of “Drunk on a Plane.” Otherwise it’s pretty harmless and bland. Not good…bad, yes, but not terrible.

Please don’t make it seem like I want to defend “Different for Girls.” I’m a little perplexed in how I’m been cornered into that position. I agree, the song failed. But the intent was to try and explain why breakups can be harder for girls than boys in an attempt to breed understanding and commiseration. Now maybe that’s misogynistic, and I won’t argue that point.

Yep, the problem is that it’s a guy telling girls, about how break-ups are harder for them, and how they react differently. That’s why it’s misogynistic and horribly badly stereotyping. FYI sometimes girls cry on a couch after a break-up…and sometimes they go to a bar get drunk, and sometimes they hook up with random guys. And sometimes girls cheat, and sometimes they ignore the guy etc etc. Exactly like guys.

One of my biggest frustrations with county music in general is that it treats women as 2d characters, rather than 3 dimensional adults. This song encapsulates that perfectly. “Vice” is more the reality.

Eh, there are times in “It’s Different For Girls” where a different, smarter song about the way that society doesn’t allow women the same coping methods that it allows men struggles to break through…before falling back into the bad song that it is.

Every syllable of “God Made Girls,” meanwhile, makes me want to vomit with rage.

“Said No One Ever” is still the only one of these I’ve heard all the way through; that title hook is still an earworm from hell (I may also have sampled a bit of “Tuxedo,” but I don’t really remember that one). Blergh. :p

***********************************WORST COUNTRY SINGLES OF 2016*********************************

10. (tie) Michael Ray, “Think a Little Less”
The first entry in the worst singles of 2016 list is by last year’s worst song of the year champion, Michael Ray. Michael Ray was the dark horse in last year’s list, with “Real Men Love Jesus” sneaking in at the last minute to win it all, passing by such abominations as “Ridiculous”, “B.Y.H.B”, and what was to be last year’s champion, Old Dominion’s “Break Up With Him”. “Real Men Love Jesus” pissed me off to no extent with its bullshit societal stereotypes of what a real man should be. And of course, Michael Ray is back this year with this shitty, vapid hookup song. Seriously, Michael? “Kiss a little more, think a little less…get you out of this bar, out of that dress?” I thought you would learn something from “Real Men Love Jesus” barely peaking inside the top 20. This is just another stupid song about meaningless hookups that shouldn’t exist. I remember in a few interviews of Michael Ray that I stumbled upon early in his career, when he said that he loved traditional country music and that he would make traditional country if his record label would let him. What the fuck, Michael? You’re on the same record label with Ashley Monroe and William Michael Morgan. Both of them have been able to make pure country music, much less pure country albums, so the whiny bullshit about your record label is not an excuse. I also remember Michael Ray saying that Gary Allan was his hero, and that his [Michael’s] music was like that of Gary’s. Being as big of a fan of Gary Allan as I am, that kinda pissed me off and really soured my outlook on Michael Ray a little bit. Michael Ray is a mindless pretty boy pop singer, much like Luke Bryan. And I hate to break it to you, Michael, but Jon Pardi is closer to being musically similar to Gary Allan than you are or ever will be. And of course, “Think a Little Less” is written by none other than Thomas Rhett, who will make an appearance of his own later on in the list. Puke a little more, listen a little less.

10. (tie) Love and Theft, “Candyland”
Okay, guys, I have a confession to make: I like pop-country as well as traditional country. But only if it is insanely catchy, very well-written, or both. Right now, I can think of five examples of pop-country done right on the current chart: RaeLynn’s “Love Triangle” (a very well-written, great song), Trent Harmon’s “There’s A Girl” (another decently-written song with obvious country influences), Maren Morris’s “80’s Mercedes,” (more of a straight-ahead pop song, but nonetheless insanely catchy and very well-written), Little Big Town’s “Better Man” (a very well-written song), and Lauren Alaina’s “Road Less Traveled” (an insanely catchy song that I’ve found myself singing along with quite a few times). There is a definite place in country music for pop-country. Carrie Underwood is another example of a fantastic pop-country artist. Maddie and Tae are a fantastic pop-country duo with traditional influences, and they are arguably the best group/duo in mainstream country music today. However, pop-country is an insanely hard concept to master. And when pop-country goes wrong, it can result in a complete doozy. Which brings me to Love and Theft’s “Candyland”. “Candyland” is this year’s last-minute entry. I was analyzing the bottom 30 of the top 60 on the Billboard Country airplay chart one day. I was familiar with Love and Theft but had never heard Candyland. Out of curiosity, I opened up my Spotify account and typed in “Love and Theft Candyland”. Holy shit. Turns out, my curiosity got the best of me, as “Candyland” turned out to be downright awful. “Got you better than a lemon drop, poppin’ like a pop rock/Feeling like a kid in a candy store”?!?!? You have got to be fucking kidding me. This song sounds like a bunch of bored middle-schoolers wrote it on their study break. And to think it came from the same duo who sang “Whiskey on My Breath”. What a difference a year makes. 🙁

9. Old Dominion, “Snapback”
You know there’s an even bigger pile of shit ahead when Old Dominion tanks to #9. Snapback is an exercise to avoid being country at all costs. The instrumentation/production is beyond annoying, the lyrics are stupid, and there’s absolutely nothing country at all about a snapback hat. This song sucks.

7. Kelsea Ballerini, “Yeah Boy”
You know, I have almost had enough of this Mickey Mouse country. It is completely mind-boggling to me how artists like Kelsea Ballerini, Clare Dunn (who I’ll get to in a minute), Hunter Hayes (who is actually super-talented but wastes his incredible gift on this poppy bullshit), RaeLynn (I love “Love Triangle” and like “Careless” but most of her other music sounds like it could be interchangeable with the music from all of the Disney Princess movies or Disney Channel sitcoms), and the like are even considered in the same genre with various legends (George Jones, Loretta Lynn, Dolly, Tammy Wynette, Hank Sr., and the like) and George Strait, Alan Jackson, Gary Allan, Tim McGraw, Josh Turner, William Michael Morgan, Eric Church, Jon Pardi, Chris Stapleton, Mo Pitney, Kacey Musgraves, Ashley Monroe, Carrie Underwood, Lee Ann Womack, Maddie and Tae, and Miranda Lambert. “Yeah Boy” is just another piece of shit pop song that belongs nowhere near the country genre. “Yeah Boy” would fit better on an episode of Hannah Montana or some other fluffy Disney Channel sitcom than on a country radio station. And to add to all of this, “Yeah Boy” is basically female bro-country. The lyrics are extremely shallow and somewhat objectifying. Mouseshit is a good word for describing this type of Mickey Mouse Disney country. And “Yeah Boy” is mouseshit.

6. Clare Dunn, “Tuxedo”
While we’re on the subject of female bro-country and Mickey Mouse mouseshit, here’s another good example brought to us by Clare Dunn. “Tuxedo” is extremely vapid and stupid, and Clare Dunn, while a talented guitar player, has one of the worst voices I have ever heard in the genre of country music, along with Brantley Gilbert (who will be featured later on this list), Tyler Farr, RaeLynn, and Tucker Beathard (who sounds like a mix between a dying cow, nails on a chalkboard, and a cat in heat, and who barely missed the list with his boringly bad single “Rock On”). Clare’s Iggy Azalea-style white-girl rapping is absolutely horrendous and the lyrics are just vapid, stupid, and somewhat objectifying. “My baby looks so sexy out there working in his boots…” “He’s a knight in shining armor with them blue jeans on…” “He’s like a George Strait quiet type…” How dare you name-drop George Strait in your gosh-awful pop song! The audience demographic that this song seemingly aims for (stereotypical pre-teens and teenagers) probably don’t even know who George Strait is, sadly. And the “Tux-tux-tuxedo” bridge is headache-inducingly annoying. Much like “Yeah Boy”, “Tuxedo” sounds more like it belongs on an episode on Hannah Montana than on a country station. Mouseshit.

5. Jana Kramer, “Said No One Ever”
Holy. Fucking. Shit. What on earth is this?!?!? Jana Kramer should know better than this. I’d halfway expect it out of someone like Kelsea Ballerini or RaeLynn, but Jana Kramer? The same artist who sang songs like “Why Ya Wanna” and “I Got the Boy” (both of which I thoroughly enjoyed, and the latter being one of the best singles of 2015)? It doesn’t even sound like the same person. “Said No One Ever” is arguably worse than anything Kelsea Ballerini or RaeLynn both have ever released. “Said No One Ever” makes Kelsea Ballerini’s “Yeah Boy” sound like Kacey Musgraves and RaeLynn’s “God Made Girls” sound like Ashley Monroe. Along with how cringe-inducingly bad “Said No One Ever” is, while “Yeah Boy” and “Tuxedo” sound like Mickey Mouse mouseshit, “Said No One Ever” sounds slightly more childish and more like it wouldn’t sound out of place in a Barbie or My Little Pony movie. I would love to support Jana Kramer because her first album and a select few songs of off her second album (“Boomerang”, “I Got the Boy”, “Dance In the Rain”, and “Last Song”, namely) are awesome, but “Said No One Ever” and over half of its accompanying album, Thirty-One (every song on Thirty-One except the four named above) makes me seriously question Jana and if she is really serious about a career in country music. This song is pretty good……said no one ever.

4. Chris Lane, “Fix”
At this point, trashing “Fix” for the umpteenth time would be pretty much beating a dead horse. The subject of many memes, much tomfoolery, and quite a few epic rants (thanks to Farce the Music, Country Perspective, and Saving Country Music), “Fix” has made Chris Lane pretty much universally hated by all real country music fans. “Fix” also spearheaded Chris’s crap-tacular album, Girl Problems, which is a strong competitor (and maybe even the winner) for the worst album of 2016. However, for a quick review, “Fix” likens a romantic relationship to meth, cocaine, and alcohol. It also painfully references Breaking Bad when it says “I’ll be your smooth ride, your late night, your Walter White high…” Obviously and sadly, Chris Lane has a point here. The only way anyone in their right mind could enjoy Chris Lane and “Fix” would be if they were incredibly drunk and/or extremely high. Not to mention that “Fix” is not country in any way, shape, or form, and has a sound that makes Sam Hunt sound like Alan Jackson. The lyrics are kindergarten-level stupid, and after hearing Chris’s annoying falsetto, I couldn’t find the Motrin fast enough. Chris Lane is just another of many pretty-boy pop singers making a living in the country genre. Maybe he and these other posers should take notes from guys like George Strait, Alan Jackson, William Michael Morgan, Chris Stapleton, Eric Church, Tim McGraw, Jon Pardi, Gary Allan, Brad Paisley, and Josh Turner on how to make country music that is enjoyable but still genuine and respecting the roots of country music. And is it just me, or does the narrator of “Fix” seem like a complete douchebag? The narrator of “Fix” is self-absorbed, pushy, extremely whiny and needy, and a slight bit creepy. The narrator of “Fix” reminds me of this one guy I have had a class with in college. He is also pushy, excessively needy, and extremely self-absorbed, with an ego bigger than the entire state of Texas. The ambience of “Fix” also annoys the hell out of me. It all seems so contrived and fake. The delivery of the song would actually be somewhat convincing coming from the guy from the class I described, although still pushy, needy and creepy. But it seems like a total cop-out for Chris Lane. The way I perceive Chris Lane, he seems to me like a seemingly heartless ballsack of a douche (for lack of a better insult) that hasn’t the slightest clue on the subject of romantic pursuit. To sum it all up, “Fix” is yet another exercise in sheer stupidity and blatantly avoiding anything at all to do with actual country music.

3. Brantley Gilbert, “The Weekend”
Oh, Brantley. Don’t you know that bro-country is so 2014? Obviously not, because “The Weekend” is bro-country cranked up to eleven. As I already said before about this song, it features blatantly lazy songwriting, terrible instrumentation that could make a deaf person cringe, and it gave me a nagging headache after listening to it once out of curiosity. I spent the following two hours listening to Gary Allan, Tim McGraw, and Lee Ann Womack to clean out my ears and relieve my headache. “Wake and bake and we at it again…”? Really, Brantley? I thought you were sober. And even worse, “we at it again”? As a future English teacher, this bugs the absolute shit out of me. It’s “we’re at it again”. Learn some grammar, Brantley. The rest of the song is just extremely stupid and incredibly cliché. “The Weekend” is music for those who have the I.Q. of a sheep. And speaking of his sheep fans, the die-hard members of the BG Nation will defend Brantley to the death. They are always like “Brantley iz da bestest kuntry artest evurrrrrrrrr! Reel kuntry muzik at it’s finust! BG NASHUN 4 LYFE!!!!!!” You could tell me that Brantley Gilbert is better than Cole Swindell and Thomas Rhett, and I would agree with you. You could tell me that Brantley Gilbert is better than Luke Bryan and Jason Aldean, and I might believe you. But there is absolutely no way that you could tell me that Brantley Gilbert is better than George Strait, Alan Jackson, Chris Stapleton, Tim McGraw, Eric Church, Gary Allan, Josh Turner, William Michael Morgan, Jon Pardi, Brad Paisley, Mo Pitney, Chris Young, Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, Kacey Musgraves, Ashley Monroe, Lee Ann Womack, Maddie and Tae, Brothers Osborne, and Maren Morris. Anyway, avoid this song like the plague and go listen to William Michael Morgan’s excellent new album, Vinyl, instead.

2. Luke Bryan, “Move”
(Semi-rant time!) The runner-up spot in this year’s worst-of list rightfully goes to Luke Bryan. Just when I thought Luke couldn’t piss me off any more, especially after taking up three back-to-back spots in last year’s worst-of list, he proves me wrong and does it yet again with “Move”. This is basically “Country Girl Shake it for Me 2.0”. In all honesty, “Move” is actually worse than “Kick the Dust Up”, “Strip it Down”, and “Home Alone Tonight”, which I counted among the worst of the worst of 2015. And of course, after the decent “Huntin’, Fishin’ and Lovin’ Every Day”, Luke releases the worst song on his Kill the Lights album and one of the worst songs of his entire career, the absolutely horrendous “Move”. Luke Bryan is 40-fucking-years-old. When the hell is he ever going to grow up? Luke, you are a grown ass man and you’re still singing about spring break and dancing with teenage girls. What the hell? I feel sorry for his wife and family. If I were his wife and saw him dancing and prancing around like an assclown and humping every freaking thing in sight on stage, I would be the epitome of mortified. It would embarrass the absolute shit out of me. Luke, you are not sexy. You are creepy as hell. Gary Allan is sexy. And he doesn’t wear sparkly skinny jeans, he doesn’t shake his ass like a Chippendales dancer and dance like an idiot, and he doesn’t sing about mindless, meaningless hookups and spring break. Gary Allan is the perfect example of what a sexy male country star should be. He dresses and looks sexy with his plethora of tattoos and his tight-in-all-the-right-places jeans (NOT skinny jeans like Luke’s, absolutely no man should ever wear skinny jeans, in my honest opinion), and he struts around the stage in a sexy manner, but he doesn’t act vulgar, disgusting, and immature like Luke Bryan. There is a way to be sexy that completely avoids being disgusting and creepy. Apparently, Luke Bryan hasn’t quite grasped this concept yet. And y’all know the old adage, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. Luke Bryan is an “old dog” that has been wiggling his non-existent pancake ass on stage for so long that it has seemingly become a habit of his. I highly doubt Luke ever will learn how to be sexy but mature. Going back to the song, “Move” is absolutely fucking pointless. The lyrics are extremely misogynistic and idiotic. Hell, Luke even gives his army of sheep fans a spelling lesson with M-O-V-E. Luke, a rational person would already know how to spell “move”. But those who actually enjoy this song are not rational. Many of Luke Bryan’s fans are seemingly idiots. They’ll eat up anything, even ridiculous, pandering bullshit. It absolutely baffles me why people my age (mainly girls and the “douchebag bro” type guys my age; I’m 20) eat this shit up. Seriously, I’m beginning to think that I’m one of the very few 20-year-old girls who thinks Luke Bryan is creepy, disgusting, and an absolute waste of space and airplay in the country music world. “Move” makes me want to puke every time I hear it, and Luke Bryan makes me want to puke every time I see him on TV shaking his ass and acting like a horny college bro. It is quite appropriate that “Move” is number two on this list, because it is nothing but a flaming pile of shit.

And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for…the worst country single of 2016 is………*drum roll please*…………………………

1. Thomas Rhett, “Vacation” (WARNING: NSFW language rant)
Well, well, Thomas. You have really managed to fuck up mainstream country music for good this time. As soon as I caught wind that Thomas was releasing “Vacation” as a single, I knew that no one, no matter how hard he, she, or they tried, would be able to top “Vacation” as the worst song of the year. I have been waiting since the moment it was released to tear the song a good deserved one, and now is my chance. So let’s get started, shall we?
The first issue that I have with Vacation is the fact that Thomas Rhett basically borrowed the beat from War’s “Low Rider”. Essentially, this is what he did with “Crash and Burn (ripping off Sam Cooke’s “Chain Gang” and copying basically every Bruno Mars song from the past five years) and “Die a Happy Man” (which is Thomas Rhett’s half-assed cover of Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud”). Thomas Rhett is an artist with not a shred of originality to his name. He is a proud product of nepotism, riding the coattails of his daddy, 90’s country star and songwriter (one of the infamous Peach Pickers, might I add) Rhett Akins. Rhett had some pretty decent songs back in the day. Thomas has only had one song that I enjoy, and that is “Beer With Jesus”. That being said, the lyrics to “Vacation” are absolutely asinine. The lyrics sound like an annoying jingle to a commercial. “Vacation” could be a commercial for a number of things: Billabong bikinis, Coppertone lotion, Motel 6, Solo cups, Walgreen’s beach chairs, Red Stripe, and Busch Light beer. If “Vacation” was a commercial, it would be a headache-inducingly annoying one. “Vacation” would be one of those commercials in which a person would change the television channel every time it came on. And let’s not even get started on the grammar. It’s awful. Who the hell wrote this? A five-year-old? “Hey, let’s party like we on vacation”? Give me a fucking break! And Thomas, you don’t mean to tell me that it took 14 songwriters to write this trainwreck. 14 fucking songwriters! Of course, half of them are from the band War, in which Rhett wisely credits because he shamelessly stole the beat from “Low Rider”. Take away half of 14 and you still have seven. How in the hell does it take 7 songwriters to come up with something that sounds like a little bitty kid wrote it? Every time I think about this song, I think of my two very favorite country songs of all time and how many people it took to write them. It took only two people to write Gary Allan’s “Smoke Rings in the Dark” and it only took two people to write Ashley Monroe’s “Two Weeks Late” (one of those two being Ashley herself). Both “Smoke Rings in the Dark” and “Two Weeks Late” are absolute musical masterpieces. If you take away the members of War, you have, I’m assuming, six or seven songwriters. It took six or seven songwriters to create “Vacation”, and it is an absolute disaster. I could write a random song by myself that would probably suck, but still be a hell of a lot better than “Vacation”. And the video for this shit mountain is just creepy as hell. Seven-to-eight-year-old little girls dancing around in bikinis singing about “cold ones”. Holy moly shit, it makes Thomas Rhett look like a pedophile and it is just plain wrong. “Vacation” is a train wreck coming in contact with a plane crash. It is truly horrific, awful, and terrible in every way, shape, and form. Thomas Rhett has really outdone himself this year with “Vacation”. I’ve been wanting to nail him ever since he released Tangled Up last year, but he didn’t make that easy. Crash and Burn, while not a great song, had decently-written lyrics to back the annoying Bruno Mars-on-drugs-style instrumentation and Thomas’s weak vocals, Die a Happy Man was kinda boring (but dare I say average if not due to radio overplaying the song), and T-Shirt was bad, but not really among the worst of the worst. I know that this title gets doled out a lot over the years, pretty much every time a horrifically bad song is released, but I can confidently say that Thomas Rhett has released the worst radio single in the history of country music. Not even country radio cared very much for it, as it only peaked at #30(?) on the country airplay charts, and they’ll play whatever tripe Thomas Rhett sends them. And if it wasn’t for Thomas’s slightly more horrific album cut “South Side” (which gets my vote for the worst country song of all time), Vacation would even be considered “the worst country song of all time”, in my opinion. “Vacation” is way worse than “Kick the Dust Up” and “Donkey”. “Vacation” is way worse than any song Sam Hunt has ever released. “Vacation” is worse than “Move” and “Burnin’ It Down”. Hell, “Vacation” is even worse than “Real Men Love Jesus” and “Break Up With Him”. “Vacation” is terrible in any genre you put it in. It is a sorry excuse for a country song, a sorry excuse for a pop song, a sorry excuse for a rap song, a sorry excuse for an R&B song, a sorry excuse for a song in general. Shit, “Vacation” isn’t even really music. “Vacation” is a haphazard hodgepodge of sounds and noise fused together to form a gigantic mass of audio diarrhea. To make yet another sarcastic, attempting to be humorous quip to sum up the awfulness of “Vacation”, I would rather be forced to write down every dirty and downright inappropriate thought I have ever had about Gary Allan and next go on national country radio and read them all aloud, than to ever listen to “Vacation” again, or even better yet, “Vacation”‘s accompanying album, “Tangled Up”. There are two groups of people who purposely listen to this drivel: the extremely brave reviewers at sites like this one, Saving Country Music, and the like (I greatly admire you guys, I couldn’t make it the entire way through “Tangled Up” without getting a massive migraine); and the Thomas Rhett fans who are seemingly so stupid and have not a clue what real country music is. Aside from maybe “Beer With Jesus”, the career of Thomas Rhett has been nothing short of embarrassing and just plain sad to those who know what real country music is and love real country music. As a fan of mostly traditional country and decent pop country, “Vacation” made me angry that Thomas Rhett would have the nerve to release this steaming pile of dog shit as a single, especially as a single in the country genre, and it also made me sad for what country music has become, and for what many people my age that claim to be country music fans think of as country music. “Vacation” is an absolute disgrace to country music and music in general. Congratulations, Thomas Rhett. You have not only unearthed the worst single of 2016, but the worst single of all time.

Dishonorable mentions:

-Thomas Rhett, “T-Shirt” (unsurprisingly just another bad song by Thomas Rhett)

-Every Cole Swindell single released/or had significant impact in 2016 (somehow Cole managed to miss my list this year, which totally takes me by surprise considering the fact he is a constant source of horrible music)

-Chase Bryant, “Room to Breathe” (more shitty pop-funk type music. Chase is talented, but he should stay away from this Sam Hunt-copycat music.)

-Dierks Bentley and Elle King, “Different for Girls” (Dierks sounds great here, but the production is a bit sleepy and sterile, and the lyrics are filled with presumptuous lies and outdated gender ideals. Miranda Lambert’s “Vice” is a good counter-argument to “Different for Girls”, stating that girls sometimes do the same as guys regarding the demise of a relationship. Some girls move on quickly, while some also try acting seemingly tough and unscathed although they are deeply saddened and devastated inside. And unlike “Different for Girls, “Vice” is actually a good song. “Different for Girls” falls quite a few points short of average due to the nature of the lyrics.)

-Blake Shelton, “She’s Got a Way With Words” (Blake sounds decent here and the production is alright, but the lyrics are nothing but vapid, shitty, petty, stupid bullshit. Blake sounds childish and whiny throughout the duration of the song, which has an extremely immature approach. There’s a reason Jake Owen passed on “She’s Got a Way With Words”.)

-Morgan Wallen, “The Way I Talk” (“The Way I Talk” sounds like a FGL reject. And Morgan Wallen reminds me very much of a Tyler Hubbard impersonator.)

-Jerrod Niemann and Lee Brice, “A Little More Love” (two has-beens collaborating on a stupid ’90’s sounding rap-pop-rock-reggae song. I thought we’d heard the last of Jerrod Niemann with the ridiculously humiliating “Donkey”, but I was wrong. While “Blue Bandana” was decent, “A Little More Love” sucks. The only scrap of redemption found in this song is the fact that Lee and Jerrod harmonize fairly well in the chorus. Other than that, the song is a pathetic cry for attention. Lee and Jerrod should co-headline a tour and call it “Touring With the Has-Beens”. Randy Houser, Jana Kramer, Parmalee, and Thompson Square could open for them.)

-Lanco, “Long Live Tonight” (We do not a “country” One Direction. Especially one with a name that sounds like a catering company.)

-Dierks Bentley, “Somewhere on a Beach” (Dierks, please. Get back to the music we all know and love you for. “Somewhere on a Beach” is more sad than anything, because it signifies that 2016 was the year of Dierks Bentley selling out. Hope you like the cash, Dierks. You had to trade in your respect for it. Hopefully his next album is better than “Black”. Aside from a couple of decent-to-good songs, “Black” is a disappointment. Maybe Dierks will get back to himself, the Dierks Bentley we all know and love, with his next album.)

-Chris Lane, “For Her” (Go away, Chris. And never come back.)

-Granger Smith, “If the Boot Fits” (I hate this song. It’s one of the laziest bunch of cliches songwriting I’ve ever heard. Is it bad that I wish that Granger would completely abandon his mainstream career and pack up and go back to Texas? His Texas country music was actually somewhat decent. He could go back to the Texas scene or he could always make a career out of his Earl Dibbles Jr. comedy schtick. Granger’s Earl Dibbles act may be corny, but it’s a hell of a lot better than his mainstream country career. Granger’s mainstream country career is the real joke here.)

-Keith Urban, “Blue Ain’t Your Color” (The lyrics do have a bit of a sleazy nature, but Keith’s latest offering isn’t really as much outright bad as it is dreadfully and painfully boring. “Blue Ain’t Your Color” is Lunesta in audio form.)

-Florida Georgia Line, “God, Your Mama, and Me” (It’s the Backstreet Boys on country radio. Duh. Obviously this does not work at all.)

Agreed. Trigger, this comment is not appropriate length, she’s treadin too far here. Amanda, we are with you, but seriously when your comment is longer than Trigs post, that’s crazy. Looks like you want your own blog and you should go for it! Concise comments are more effective and thus more likely to get read.

Sorry about the long post, I guess I did get a little carried away. There were just way too many songs that made me very upset for the state of mainstream country music in 2016. I apologize again for the extremely long post. 🙂

BTW Amanda . BLUE IS YOU COLOUR , if not one of the worst songs of 2016 , is , as you point out , boring and soooo overated and underwritten for an idea with such potential . It’s just a reason to have K U looking hip,trendy , homeless-sexy and do some pseudo-crooning a la Buble . Damn …if this guy would just STOP trying to be 21 year-ol-hip ,act , look, sing and write his age he may really having something to offer the country genre. He certainly doesn’t write now .

Brantley Gilbert is a hell of a lot better than Chris Young, Maren Morris,Jon Pardi,and Carrie Underwood.I don’t know why he wants to constantly release these poorly written songs as landmark singles and take blows to his music quality, though. I am sure he will have some really good songs on his new album, but he probably will not release many of them(or any of them 4 that matter).

I guess you haven’t heard Chris Young’s garbage album ”I’m Comin’ Over”,or Maren Morris’ garbage album “Hero”. Jon Pardi and Carrie Underwood as a whole are just mediocre to me.And I guess you haven’t heard Brantley Gilbert’s songs “Just As I Am”, “I’m Gone”,”Grown Ass Man”,”Back In The Day”, “Halfway To Heaven”,”Them Boys”, or his whole first album.Yeah,I said it.

I give it to you about Chris & Maren but I disagree with you on Jon & Carrie. Just because you don’t like traditional country or country pop doesn’t make Brantley’s songs any better (Brantley has some outstanding songs though). Why don’t we have this conversation again in about 4wks when his album that we haven’t heard any preview of drops. Chances are we might not call Chris’s album garbage in light of what we get…

The quality of Brantley’s new album will not affect the quality of Chris’. It doesn’t matter if Brantley releases the best album in music history or the worst, Chris Young’s “I’m Comin’ Over” will always be a heaping piece of garbage.And for the record I do like traditional country and if you are saying any of the four artists of which I mentioned are traditional country you are incorrect.Jon Pardi is the closest one of the four to

You are part of the problem. Typing up this long, meaningless post out how terrible these artists are, yet praising Pardi like he is the new savior of country music. Hate to break it to you, but he sucks, and so Gary Alan, the pop-country artists who made a total ass out of himself when he tried to conform to the current trends in country music, releasing “Hangover tonight.” I have said this before but of course you guys fail to acknowledge it, but if Luke Bryan or Thomas Rhett released “Dirt on my boots,” you would all pick it apart and run it into the ground. The hypocrisy is unbelievable. Just like when “I met a girl” went number one on mediabase it was some huge accomplishment, yet if Sam Hunt only scored a mediabase number one, it would be because the chart is easier to manipulate and has no credibility. No one cares about your opinion; save that for Country Perspective, who would be Trigger if he could, and who screens and deletes comments whose opinions differ from his.

Wow! Love the details in your post, Amanda! Its not too long, its not too short, its just right! Don’t apologize. Haters gonna hate… sheesh, everything is a posted opinion and not everyone will agree. And we all know what is said about opinions…. just chill, folks!

Have to agree with Seak05. Different for Girls is not just a bad song it’s offensive. I’m surprised there’s not a line in the song about girls baking their feelings away in the kitchen where they belong. The fact that it’s been nominated for awards to me says country has a long way to go.

How did I get slated as a “Different For Girls” defender? Nail me to the Cavalry cross. Yoke every single burden for that song around my neck and burn me like a sacred cow. For the love of Christ. I can feel the anger coming from people about this song towards me, and I did not write it, perform it, endorse it, or even really defend it. All I was trying to do was play some Devil’s advocacy here, and all of a sudden I’ve been made the devil. I don’t like the song. I think the song failed at getting its message across. And I’ve not said anything different at any point. And yes, I think the songwriters think the song could be taken sarcastically too. But again, that’s not a defense of it. Frankly, I’m a little frustrated that you’ve hijacked this comments section to freak out about a song that wasn’t even included here. You think it should have been? Excellent, thanks for the feedback. But don’t jump my ass because you have unresolved anger issues towards it. Good gosh.

Yikes, Trigger I don’t think anyone is crucifying you here, relax. Most of us are just expressing our opinion, something you vehemently do on the regular…and I am genuinely curious to the statement that the song could be meant as sarcasm…that puts an interesting spin on things. For the record there are a TON of sexist songs out there…we live in a sexist world….this isn’t even close to the worst offender. It is just a genuinely irksome song to many lol not sure why….just one of those things.

Well, Country Charm told me I had no idea what I was talking about, and people keep responding to me in this thread with accusations against the song as if I’m somehow either responsible or defending it. I apologize if I’m coming across as accusatory, but I frankly feel like I’m getting ganged up on here, and for opinions I don’t hold.

For the record, this is what I had to say about “Different For Girls” from my review of Bentley’s album on June 15th:

“I get a sense that somewhere out there is a discussion about how his duet with Elle King called “It’s Different For Girls” is all wrong, while another side is saying it’s supposed to be taken sarcastically. But cast my vote for the song being wrong-minded and presumptuous.”

Nobody made you a devil. You’re getting defensive because we dissagree with you. People who bring up sarcasm in the same sentence as Different For Girls are idiots. The song is the expectation of how girls should act if their hearts get broke because good girls don’t get drunk and have sex with guys they just met.?

Nope. I’m getting defensive because I don’t disagree with you, yet somehow I keep getting couched that way. Except for maybe on the sarcasm point. But even then I’m not saying the song is sarcasm, I’m saying that’s the way some can take the song, which is their right. Two people can interpret the same song differently. That doesn’t make either person wrong, that’s just art interpretation, and is subjective.

I apologize if I came across as heated in this discussion. I just don’t know how else to get my point across that I don’t like the song either, and agree about the issues with it.

The worst on this list, in regard to impact, has to be Chris Lane’s “Fix.” Whereas Rhett’s “Vacation” bombed, especially on radio, “Fix” managed to hit #1 on Country Airplay, albeit with quite a bit of help ($) from his label I assume.

You are right on I dislike all the songs you mentioned and Amanda you have good point too. country music is in a sinking ship but I try to stay away from radio much as possible. I listen to my Christmas cd’s.

Can you stop trying to be an esoteric shit head? What I said was pretty damn clear. And I certainly didnt say the arrangements were the only problem. Do you like these songs or something? I have no idea if youre defending this garbage or not. Write clearly.

In terms of songs released in 2016, my personal selection for Worst Song would be “She’s Got A Way With Words”, and the reason why comes down to one word: impact.

The thing with songs that obviously deserve dubious scrutiny like “Red, White & You”, “Said No One Ever” and “Whisper” (“Fix” and “Vacation” were released in 2016 but we’ve had this debate before and I understand why you choose to go about this differently)……………….is that they made next to nil impact. I know on paper the three aforementioned tracks are obviously worse-written tracks, but it’s hard for me to consider them worthy for the dunce-capped summit when they died before even denting the Top Forty.

“Somewhere on a Beach” would be my selection for runner-up on the same yardstick. Because it made such intense impact: in fact even more than Shelton’s song did which snapped his #1 singles streak and all but ensuring Alabama’s record streak is secure. But I do consider Shelton’s song the more insidious of the two in how, unlike Bentley’s terrible song at least having a hint of snark to it, Shelton tries to pass his song up as a straight-up romantic-sounding one despite the lyrics being utterly misogynistic.

*

Honesty, I don’t dislike “God, Your Mama, And Me”. I sure as hell don’t want it on country radio because it doesn’t belong there whatsoever but, on its own, saccharine is the worst adjective I can attribute to it, and in the grand scheme of things that’s not that much of an indictment. Perhaps I was able to tolerate the signature harmonies of the Backstreet Boys better than most here whilst growing up in the late 90s/early 00s and, thus, that may explain my tolerance threshold for this sort of song. But it’s innocuous as a whole and just strikes me as that kind of song that was mainly created just so the duo can work with their childhood idols. Can’t fault them much there.

“A Little More Love” wasn’t that bad either: just instantly forgettable. Sounded like they were trying too hard to mimic “Waiting For My Rocket To Come”-era Jason Mraz. Early Jason Mraz, for the most part, was never that exciting in the first place and their collaboration is just harmless but forgettable cheese.

*

Since this is Worst SONGS of 2016 we’re talking about here, here’s what I’d consider much worse than either of the two aforementioned cuts:

*

1) Kenny Chesney: “Rich & Miserable” (Since when did Kenny Chesney become X-Ambassadors? Seriously! The lyrical rhythm feels choppy and distracting as hell here, and the mixing and general production is just ear-bleeding cacophony. Easily one of the worst songs of his career.)

2) Dierks Bentley: “Different For Girls” (This was a hit single, but I consider this even worse than “Somewhere on a Beach”, actually, because it tries to pass itself off as “inspirational” while the preceding hit did not. Fuck Victorian-era gender stereotyping Man, what a disappointing year this has been for a Dierks Bentley fan!)

3) Ronnie Dunn: “Young Buck” (Just a friendly reminder that Ronnie Dunn is 63 frickin’ years old. How is this possible?)

4) Aaron Lewis: “Northern Redneck” (One of the most intelligence-insulting tracks of 2016. What’s this? Rednecks ACTUALLY live NORTH of the Mason-Dixon line too? PREPOSTEROUS!!! What adds insult to injury is that the remainder of the album, “Sinner”, is actually solid if a bit cliched in the writing department.)

5) Chris Lane: (Pretty Much Any Track Off Of “Girl Problems”, Actually.)

It’s true
It’s Different for Girls
Boys have Abs, Girl have Breasts
Boys have Penises, Girl have Vaginas
Boys have Facial Hair, Girl do NOT
That is one of the reason Dierks Bentley wrote that song, CORNASSTER

BS’s song is a clinic on just how bad , classless and ‘ cleverless ‘ (a la FGL) the mainstream ‘ version’ of the genre has become . Lyrically Shelton’s song is angry ,vindictive , gratuitous , child-like , ultimately pointless and , fortunately , forgettable . Like Keith Urban and others , BS really needs to grow up and find out if he can actually offer anything significant , if not redeeming , to country music .

I’m a 56 year old woman who worked in a male dominated industry for 20 years. And I have daughters that are 22 and 31. I know sexism. I don’t think the Dierks song is any more sexist than the Cody Jinks song, which I love, “I’m Not The Devil.” Asking a woman to forgive you because “I’m just a man.” It is a constant theme and just as bad. Sure he wants to make it up to her, but the excuse is there

I haven’t had the chance to hear the album yet, but I do agree with you with regards to that egregiously overlooked double standard between misogyny in the mainstream and misogyny outside of it, and the level of scrutiny between the two.

I remember when I was eight and listening to a lot of Triple A radio, and they’d play a lot of tracks from Led Zeppelin and Led Zeppelin II and I thought a lot of the themes even that far back were sexist. Much with countless blues songs too, in fact. That just sort of rubbed off on me to how I listen to music in general.

I feel like a guy telling a woman how it is different for her is worse. But I totally agree that the double standard of guys behave badly because they’re guys, so they should be forgiven is dumb. Men are adults, they should be accountable for their behavior.

when people write songs without any knowing what the hell they’re talking about, you know something bad is going to happen as a result, and you can just take pride in flushing that sh*t down the toilet

all the artsy fartsies of the world take note: what we’re looking for in “country” music is the plain unvarnished truth told to the best unvarnished music

I don’t know how anyone could say, at least at this point, that the dreaded Bro-Country craze is exactly dead, given how many Bromeisters are still on this List of Deplorables, or at least those specializing in Metro-Bro, or whatever half-assed faux-R&B it’s called now. Thank God we did get Chris Stapleton and others as antidotes. When it comes to the womenfolk, I don’t think Jana Kramer, RaeLynn, Kelsea Ballerini or Claire Dunn did that gender many favors with the mediocrities they put out this year. But the good news is that Margo Price and Kelsey Waldon put out two of the truly great albums of the year (respectively, MIDWEST FARMER’S DAUGHTER, and I’VE GOT A WAY) to more than balance it out.

And as a 70s rock and roll fan who appreciates the traditional spirit of country music, I must apologize profusely for the invasion of Steven Tyler, the sight gag from Boston/New York. It’s bad enough that he’s a musical carpetbagger who doesn’t understand the first thing about the country genre and is just going in there to keep himself “relevant” (whatever that means anymore) as he nears 70, but, good God, “Red, White, And You” is the definition of musical pornography, in my opinion. Everyone is right to skewer that maniac; go right on ahead, I won’t stop you.

Sturgill Simpson “in bloom”…. terrible remake, took liberty with the lyrics, and you never touch classics let alone put it on record. Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Nirvana…. to name a few are off limits. Every artistic hack knows this.

Not denying that most of these are bad, but the problem with country music is actually summed up in your reviews.

You can’t even describe why you dislike most of these songs, you just write a bunch of poop jokes and other 8th grade level insults about them.

Why do you feel these aren’t authentic? It has to be more than one reference to beer or one comment about girls wearing short shorts. That’s not enough to undermine a song’s country credibility.

Country can’t progress forward until it can truly decide where it went wrong. Just because you choose to embrace a fat guy with a beard and automatically reject someone in a backwards baseball cap isn’t enough of an excuse.

5. a little more summertime-jason aldean (aka the one that’s not lights come on but just as generic) this is just laughably generic to the point where i was in the car with a friend last week and on one station lights come on played (equally generic) and on another a little more summertime played, my friend looks over at me and says “didn’t we just hear this” i responded “no the opening riff is different” because that’s literally the only thing that makes one stand out from the other, thankfully jason aldean returned with any ol barstool, easily my favorite track off his new album and in my opinion one of the strongest singles of his career.

4. fix-chris lane (aka so much autotune you could swear this is a jason derulo song) ughhhh does country really need their own version of adam levine, i despised this song the first time i heard than it started getting radio play and my destain for the song grew more and more with each listen to the point where even hearing the opening synth note makes me sick (i’m not putting for her on here i actually kinda like that song even though i hate myself for liking it).

3. guy with a girl-blake shelton (aka i’m in a relationship again and it’s somehow making my music worse) did you guys know blake is in a new relationship, did you also know he recorded an entire album almost exclusively talking about this relationship, my hatred for this song has nothing to do with my feelings towards blake (i have bought several albums of his and will continue to do so because i’m holding out hope he’ll cut out the whole hollywood country boy act and go to making songs like austin or the baby again) it has to do with the lyrics, they’re awful, that “singing on a country track” line makes me bust out laughing every time i hear it it’s just so cringeworthy i almost think he wrote it.

2. different for girls- (the second most sexist song on country radio this year, except this one may not be intentional) dierks bentley (featuring elle king) this song has an interesting premise in the first verse but doesn’t follow up on it. also i’m a fan of elle but she sounds completely uncomfortable vocally to me.

honorable mentions-love me in a field (aka do me in a field)-luke bryan you’ve said more about this song than i ever could so i’m not even going to try.

if he ain’t gonna love you-jake owen (featuring chris stapleton kind of) am i the only one who finds this song disgusting well it’s having trouble slipping into the top 40 at the moment so maybe not.

she’s got a way with words-blake shelton (aka the song that broke the streak) this is easily one of the most immature break up songs i’ve ever heard also i can’t tell which one is more degrading to women this song or the one i put at number 1, wait it’s definitely number 1.

1. move-luke bryan (aka the song so boring even his booty shaking songs sound like luke’s not trying anymore) oh god this song is hilarious. i didn’t think i could ever hate a luke bryan song the way i hate this one. is it the fact that this is easily one of the worst songs he’s ever released, or the fact that the music video to this song has nothing to do with anything, or maybe the fact that he’s released this before with a similar beat as a lead single to an album in the past. the only slightly redeeming factor to this is that he released fast (one of the strongest tracks on kill the lights) right after it as the sixth and supposedly final single from kill the lights because even luke’s label didn’t want m.o.v.e. to be the final impression of this record.

Nailed it! Most of it, anyway. I knew there is a reason I can’t bear to turn on a country station these days. This summed up why. My truck will always be a No Fly Zone for Luke Bryan, FGL, and Thomas Rhett. And Dallas Davidson? There’s seriously no excuse for him.

“Love me in a field”, really? Really? I used to joke that todays country was “party in a cornfield”. And now Luke is calling a song “love me in a field”. I shoulda been one of them there cuntry song writer people.

As always, love the comments and discussion on here. Good content, good perspectives from folks. Thank you all.

An interesting angle on all the anti-Dierks sentiment is that he has higher expectations from folks. Many of the other bozos on this list actually MET EXPECTATIONS for themselves. Look at the list and artists we are talking about. Its not Grammy Award winners or future Country Music HOF people on there. We are calling out the Chris Lanes, Claire Dunns and Chase Rices of the world.

Dierks fell flat on his face with the Black record, and in spectacular fashion with the 2 lead singles (well, in critical terms not in air play terms). For him, he really performed way UNDER expectations based on what he’s done his whole career. I would say the same is true of Kenny and Keith also, and probably why Blake’s name is sprinkled throughout here. They are all artists people like or want to like.

Florida Georgia Line, Aldean, Brantley Gilbert, even Luke Bryan…they are all who they are, they are all who we thought they were. I’m not surprised they put out some songs that we pretty terrible.

PS- some of y’all are tough crowd. I appreciate Amanda’s lengthy post on here. It was thoughtful, well done and more power to her. She’s clearly well educated on the topic and into country music – hard for me to find any fault with that.

Very good thoughts. I agree that Dierks is capable of much better. His last few songs have been disappointing, but he has done some great material. That makes his bad songs all that more noticeable. Also true for Kenny Chesney (although I’ve never thought much of him to be honest) and Keith Urban (although Keith is very polarizing amongst many country fans due to his predominantly “pop” sound). I think Blake Shelton redefined his standards long ago…and they are not high. In fact, I would be shocked if he came out with a good song…I expect mediocre from him now. Anyways, I do agree to some extent. We really can’t expect “Song of the Year” material from most of these people.

I also liked the long post. Some people just love to complain about everything….I’ve started skipping most comments sections here…but I do enjoy the discussions on occasion.

I really appreciate your writing, this was some the funniest analysis of songs I have ever heard. Unfortunately, from a conversation I had with a high ranking record executive and somebody you would know in the industry said until there is more independent radio stations where there is more than a few radio programmers we are going to continue to have these problems. Conglomeration of radio stations are the biggest problem in the industry. Thanks again and Merry Christmas.

PS: He asked me where I find the music I listened to and I told him Saving Country Music. I told him about your Worst Songs in 2016. He may or may not represent some of the artists on your lists.

Trigger, Thomas Rhett AND Luke Bryan make the list…. TWICE??? No surprise there!! If no one else has, may I add ‘Comeback Kid’ by The Band Perry? As far as ‘Red, White & You’ and most of the songs written by males twice, maybe three times the age of their female fanbase, I watched a ‘Behind The Music’ with Twisted Sister and came across an important piece of honesty from Dee Snider. In so many words, he basically said with so much going for him i.e. money, mansion, cars, beautiful wife that he couldn’t find the inspiration to write the next rebellious teen anthem. Honestly, how can any songwriter in their 40’s, 50’s or 60’s write a song that connects with a fan base that young? How can someone write about a topic they aren’t familiar with and/or grew out of? Your review of ‘Kick The Dust Up’ and similar reviews of that song zero’d in on a common thing: Luke Bryan isn’t out there in some corn field drinking ‘clear’. Most audiences will eventually read between the lines and see the differences between someone who’s putting conviction behind what they’re singing and someone just singing for their supper.

You should do a review on songs that are your guilty pleasure to listen to. For example: I love Brantley Gilbert’s “Bottoms up” as a party song, but I don’t think it’s country in any way, nor would I put it on anytime but a party.

Trigger, A little off topic here…. I am so happy I stumbled across your twitter & site! People who “get it” The 1st thing I read was about Blake Shelton not keeping up with his Opry dues. All the newer members should be called out for it. But the Ryman & Opry team up with Blake to open a huge bar called Ole Red. Used to love Blake he used to sing the “good” old country song covers at his concerts along with his good stuff. This if I’m honest is pure hollywoodfied shit. Anywho Thank you for creating your site and Twitter!

Glad you found the site Mrskorba. I am planning an article on the whole Blake Shelton / Opry deal, but it got pre-empted with the announcement that the Opry General Manager Pete Fisher is moving on. Perhaps I will post it later in the week.