It's Funny When It's Someone Else's Team

Home Depot Criticized For Pledging $10 Billion To American Cancer
Society For Every Padres HomeRun
June 15, 2006 | Onion Sports

SAN DIEGO—Home Depot has come under fire from cancer patients, baseball fans,
and Padres players for the company's recent "heartless and insulting" offer to
donate "$10 billion in cash" to the American Cancer Society each time a Padres
player hits a home run for the rest of the 2006 season. "This outrageous offer
of 'charity' is a slap in the face to our organization," said Jay Czarnecki, a
spokesman for the ACS. "Having your donation depend upon a San Diego player
hitting a baseball over 300 feet through the air is not only placing unfair and
unrealistic expectations on the Padres, but is equivalent to telling everyone
who has cancer to go off and die." Czarnecki suggested that, if Home Depot truly
supports the research and eradication of a disease that kills millions of
Americans every year, they should pledge a dollar for each time a Padre strikes
out or commits an error.

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Bang for the Buck: Boosting the American Economy

Compassionate Conservatism in Action

Molly

"We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war."

Zinn

"[O]ur time, our energy, should be spent in educating, agitating, organizing our fellow citizens in the workplace, in the neighborhood, in the schools. Our objective should be to build, painstakingly, patiently but energetically, a movement that, when it reaches a certain critical mass, would shake whoever is in the White House, in Congress, into changing national policy on matters of war and social justice."

Bono

"True religion will not let us fall asleep in the comfort of our freedom. Love thy neighbor is not a piece of advice, it's a command. ...

God, my friends, is with the poor and God is with us, if we are with them. This is not a burden, this is an adventure."

The Reverend Al Sharpton

Ray wasn't singing about what he knew, 'cause Ray had been blind since he was a child. He hadn't seen many purple mountains. He hadn't seen many fruited plains. He was singing about what he believed to be.

Mr. President, we love America, not because of all of us have seen the beauty all the time.

But we believed if we kept on working, if we kept on marching, if we kept on voting, if we kept on believing, we would make America beautiful for everybody.

Marx

''With adequate profit, capital is very bold. A certain 10 percent will ensure its employment anywhere; 20 percent will produce eagerness, 50 percent positive audacity; 100 percent will make it ready to trample on all human laws; 300 percent, and there is not a crime which it will not scruple, nor a risk it will not run, even to the chance of its owner being hanged.''