By Larry Getlen:
You’re at a party. Your friend’s sister’s cousin
from Montana tells a joke about a talking flounder, a one-armed fisherman, and a
Jesuit priest from Nantucket, and you haven’t laughed this hard since your Uncle
Mel accidentally turned the Thanksgiving turkey into a stew. But your memory for
jokes is not the best, as you learned that time you told your co-worker, “Take
my wife...ummm...tonight?”

So, if you hear a joke you love, how do you ensure it stays in your memory?

Write it down
Excuse yourself, find a pen and jot it on a piece of paper. If you can’t find
paper, use a napkin or a matchbook cover.

But if you can’t find a pen, pick up your cell phone and tell the joke to your
voice mail. Not only can you write it down later, but this also gives you your
first shot at telling the joke.

In fact, try to tell the joke to someone else in the next 24-48 hours, and do it
more than once. If you wait several weeks to tell it, you may have forgotten the
important points. Also, keep a “joke” file on your computer. Update it whenever
you hear a joke you like, making sure to include the important words, phrases
and punch line.

Hand out parts…in your head
If the joke is about three city guys trying to corral a herd of bison, what if
you imagine your dad, your brother, and that nerdy guy Jim from your office as
the three guys? I mean, dad trying to herd bison? He can’t change his oil
without ruining a shirt! And Jim, the computer geek who once got his tie caught
in the copy machine?

You get the point. The more you personalize the joke in your head, the more
visual you make it for ­yourself, the easier it will be to recall at a later
date.

Get to know the joke - rehearse
Repeating jokes out loud gets you used to the act of telling them and that’s
what will make you remember them. Repetition is key in memorizing anything, and
being comfortable with your jokes is key to being funny. So print out your joke
file, stand in front of your favorite mirror and speak as if you’re talking to a
good friend.

Repeating your jokes also helps you gauge their pace and their rhythm: where to
pause, where to speed up and where to edit. One important tip – if you’re saying
the joke out loud and you start to bore yourself, shorten the joke. Figure out
what can be cut without killing the laugh. Remember: The shorter the joke, the
easier it is to remember.

One last word on memorization and preparation: If you don’t have a joke
sufficiently memorized so that you’re 100 percent sure you can tell it with
confidence, hit every key piece of information and get the punch line exactly
right – don’t tell it. Period.

How to do it wrong.
So now here you are, at your nephew’s wedding. You hear laughter from the other
side of the room, and it’s your Uncle Jack, telling jokes to several of his
fishing buddies and some ladies from the other side of the family. Here’s your
chance.

But before you wade in, let’s listen in on ole’ Uncle Jack:

“Alright, my turn, my turn. This joke is the funniest joke you’ve ever heard –
you’re gonna die! Alright – so a priest, a rabbi and an octopus are floating in
a hot-air balloon over the Eiffel Tower. The three of them are starting to sink,
and they’re afraid they have too much weight to land safely. So the rabbi says
to the octopus...hold on. So the priest says to the rabbi...wait, I mean, the
rabbi says to the octopus...yeah, that’s it. The rabbi says to the octopus...”

We’ll stop here; this is painful enough. Now, let’s examine the many mistakes
dear Uncle Jack has already made – mistakes you’ll want to avoid any time you’re
telling a joke:

Don’t tell racially sensitive jokes.There
is a difference between jokes involving race, and racist jokes. However,
everyone has a different barometer for this, and what may seem harmless to you
may offend someone else. Unless you’re absolutely sure that you know the
sensibilities of the people involved, err on the side of caution and keep race
and religion out of it.

The same goes, by the way, for sexual material and profanity. Unless you know
your listeners well enough to know they’re cool with it, leave it out.

Never start off by telling your audience how funny the joke is.There’s
no upside to it. Just tell the joke, and let the listeners judge. Comedians
don’t come out on stage and tell the audience how funny they are, and neither
should you.

Make sure you have the joke memorized, and in order.Once
you have to double back and inter-rupt your momentum to give the audience
information you forgot to give them in the first place, the joke’s dead.

This is most important.If
you’re gonna tell a joke about an octopus, don’t put him in a hot-air balloon.
Everyone knows octopi are afraid of heights.

So Uncle Jack gets through the horrible octopus joke and before anyone else can
speak, he says, “Wait – I’ve got one more.” Everyone in ear-shot fidgets. No one
looks him in the eye. Several people glance at their watches. But before anyone
can make a graceful exit, he launches into another one. And since he’s such a
good example of what not to do, let’s stick with him for a minute:

Doing it wrong – the sequel
“So there’s this Frenchman, Jacques,” says Uncle Jack, who then starts speaking
in what is supposed to be a French accent, but sounds more like he’s gargling
with glass. “Jacques tells his friend Pierre, ‘Eye em in zee kitcheeeeen,
waiting for deeees-ert.” Suddenly and inexplicably, Uncle Jack sounds Southern.
He has also scrunched up his face in what he thinks is a snobby French pose, but
really looks like he has something in his eye. So, let’s learn from his
mistakes.

Don’t do an accent unless you know you can do it perfectly–
which means keeping the exact same accent from the beginning of the joke to the
end. When telling jokes, close enough is not good enough. Do it right, or leave
it out.

Unless you graduated from mime school, leave the funny faces and voices
at home.Like the accent, if
your antics are not perfect, they’ll merely call attention to how imperfect they
are, and detract from the joke.

Do not – under any circumstances except for maybe a fire – interrupt
your own joke in the middle. Jokes require timing and momentum. If you
stop your own joke in the middle, you’ve killed your own momentum.

Almost ready…
So, now you know how to memorize and prepare your joke, and what awful habits to
avoid. Anything else to keep in mind before slaying your crowd with your blazing
wit?

Sure – here are a few additional pointers:

If something out of your control interrupts you in mid-joke,
take a minute to see what happens. The momentum is probably dead, but if your
listeners return their attention to you hoping to hear the rest, pick up where
you left off. Do not make a big deal about the interruption. What if they don’t
return their attention to you? Cut your losses and move on.

Don’t rush the joke. Speak at a reasonable pace – not so slowly
that you bore the crowd, but not so fast that important words get garbled. Pace
and coherence are very important in the joke – make sure you have both.

Make eye contact with the people you’re telling the joke to,
and distribute it evenly. This involves each person as if you’re talking
directly to them, but be sure to alter your eye contact so as not to focus on
any one person.

Don’t laugh at your own joke. Your own laughter can break your
momentum as much as any other interruption.

Most importantly – commit to the joke. Believe in the joke and
in your ability to tell it in a funny way.

Of course, if you’ve followed the advice in this article and put your best foot
forward, then you’re on your way to becoming the hit of any gathering, party or
speaking engagement.