When Mentoring Goes Bad

A good relationship can help both mentor and protégé. Here's how to make sure that happens.

By

Dawn E. Chandler, Lillian EbY and Stacy E. McManus

May 24, 2010

(Please see Corrections & Amplifications item below)

Most young managers view having a mentor as their ticket to the big leagues—to greater visibility, exciting assignments and big promotions. Benefits flow to mentors as well, as they enjoy broader influence when their young protégés rise to stardom.

When mentoring goes well, it can be of great benefit to young managers. But when it goes wrong, it can have lasting negative effects for both mentors and their protégés. Stacey Delo talks with Dawn Chandler of Cal Poly's Orfalea College of Business in San Luis Obispo for some advise on how to keep mentoring relationships from going bad.

Journal Reports

And it's all true. Except when it isn't. Except when mentoring goes bad.

And it does go bad—in all sorts of ways and sometimes spectacularly. At one end of the spectrum are relationships that fizzle out for benign reasons, such as the pressures of daily work and personal lives, conflicting goals or a lack of shared values. But relationships also fail for not-so-benign reasons: manipulation, deceit and harassment, to name a few. Either party can be the cause—and the career trajectories of both may never be the same afterwards.

To be clear, mentoring can be invaluable, not only to protégés and mentors, but also to organizations. It is important, however, to manage the relationships appropriately and be aware of early signs of potential problems.

Here is a look at some of the ways mentoring relationships go awry, followed by advice on how mentors, protégés and companies can spot warning signs sooner and create more positive experiences.

How Mentoring Relationships Go Wrong

OIL AND WATER: Most valuable experiences in mentoring feature trust, rapport and a general affinity between the two parties. Research has shown that the more the two have in common, especially in values and personalities, the more they will put into the relationship. Sometimes one sharp contrast can be the difference between harmony and friction. A mentor may have a habit of working long hours and weekends, for example, while the protégé prefers a 9-to-5 workday with weekends free. If neither side is willing to bend, the parties may find themselves unable to work together effectively.

NEGLECT OF PROTÉGÉS: It goes without saying (but we'll say it anyway) that for protégés to benefit, mentors must show an active interest and act in a positive way to advance their career and personal learning. Most mentors have every intention of doing that. Yet they sometimes end up neglecting their protégés.

Such mentors may be preoccupied with challenges in their own careers, excessively busy from a heavy workload or insecure about their standing in the organization. They can be evasive when called upon for advice or support, or always put their own priorities first.

It's all perfectly understandable, but that doesn't excuse the damage it does to a protégé's ego, or wasting a protégé's time. Such neglect can lead to protégés' feeling that their mentors don't value the relationship. At worst, they may withdraw from the relationship or even leave the department or organization. At the least, they will be so annoyed or disgusted or hurt that they won't be open to accepting any guidance that might occur.

MENTORS WHO MANIPULATE: Manipulation is most common when the mentor is the protégé's direct supervisor or a manager up the ladder in the same department. It's more damaging and less subtle than neglect, and it comes in three main forms: tyranny, inappropriate delegation and politicking.

ENLARGE

Craig Frazier

Tyranny is essentially management by intimidation and has been a complaint heard repeatedly from protégés interviewed by Dr. Eby and her research colleagues over the years. It comes in many forms. A mentor, for instance, may threaten to demote a protégé unless the protégé pulls an all-nighter to fix a problem that the mentor caused. The protégé most likely will give in and work until the early morning hours, but will also so resent the mentor that the relationship will be irrevocably harmed.

Inappropriate delegation is when a mentor manipulates a protégé to do work that the mentor should be doing. But it can also involve withholding assignments. A protégé who has long awaited a particularly challenging assignment may find at the 11th hour that the mentor has decided to take the assignment. Protégés in situations like these may find their career development stymied. Too often, they end up never taking on work that will develop the skills they need to gain more responsibility and receive attention from senior management.

Questions to Ask Yourself

1. If you are mentoring someone, are you giving them enough of your time and interesting work?

2. Are the personality and work habits of your protégé similar to yours, and if not, are you able to make sure that doesn't get in the way of working together?

3. Have you and your protégé clearly outlined his or her professional-development goals?

4. If you are being mentored, is the work interesting, and does your mentor give you credit for any projects you complete for him or her?

5. Do you feel like part of a team, and are you treated in an open, respectful manner?

If you answered no to any of these questions, your mentoring partnership may be heading for, or already in, rough waters. Discuss potential conflicts with each other, and get help from human resources to arbitrate any disagreements.

For Further Reading

These related articles from MIT Sloan Management Review can be accessed online

Are Your Subordinates Setting You Up to Fail?By Jean-François Manzoni and Jean-Louis Barsoux (Summer 2009) Subordinates sometimes make it extremely difficult for their bosses to be good leaders. Executives who fail to understand the forces at play may find their careers in jeopardy.

Getting New Hires Up to Speed QuicklyBy Keith Rollag, Salvatore Parise and Rob Cross (Winter 2005) The key to making new employees productive quickly, known as "rapid on-boarding," is to help them immediately build an informational network with co-workers.

Friend, Foe, Ally, Adversary … or Something Else?By Laurence J. Stybel and Maryanne Peabody (Summer 2005) To manage relationships with subordinates, colleagues, bosses and others, executives first need to know how to classify those people accurately.

Politicking involves more malicious acts, like sabotage and taking undue credit. Protégés reported many instances of sabotage, including one mentor's campaigning behind the protégé's back to damage her reputation. If a mentor has a high standing and does such a thing, it can cause irreparable damage to a protégé's reputation and promotion prospects. Some said their mentors criticized them behind their backs and blamed them for mistakes that the mentors themselves made. Equally damaging: mentors who steal their protégés' ideas.

PROTÉGÉS WHO MANIPULATE: Protégés have fewer means at their disposal, but they, too, can use manipulation to benefit themselves, and sometimes to harm a mentor's reputation and career. One mentor reported a protégé who would doctor numbers, tailor justifications and say that concepts still in development had already been implemented, all to look good in front of senior managers.

The danger to the mentor here is twofold. First, any bad-mouthing could eventually tarnish a mentor's reputation, even if the source is unreliable. And second, if the protégé's exaggeration and puffery are exposed, the mentor may be held just as accountable as the protégé, if not more so. Management may decide the mentor is responsible for allowing the abuses to occur.

SABOTAGE AGAINST MENTORS: When protégés try to damage their mentor's career, it's typically motivated by revenge, say, for failing to win a promotion. The reason may have been subpar performance. But rather than take personal responsibility, some protégés have been known to blame the mentor for not providing adequate support.

Other times, the sabotage can be unintentional. Mentors are putting themselves on the line by saying they believe in their protégé's ability and future at the company. Such endorsements can backfire. For example, if a mentor promotes a protégé of outstanding ability who then goes on to make a major mistake—perhaps due to a personal problem that the mentor couldn't have been aware of—the mentor's judgment will be called into question as well.

SUBMISSIVE PROTÉGÉS: Sometimes protégés rely on their mentor too much, stifling their independent thinking and growth. It can also lead to situations in which the mentor inadvertently becomes overly controlling. In either case, the protégé's learning is hindered.

JEALOUS PROTÉGÉS: Consider this scenario: Two employees have been with a company a long time, and at times have competed for the same assignments. Then one of them is promoted and becomes responsible for the development of his or her former peer. When that happens, it isn't hard to see why it would be difficult to create a mentoring relationship: The jealousy the rival-turned-protégé feels toward the new boss blocks any desire or ability to learn.

Making Sure the Relationship Is Positive

To make these kinds of problems much less likely, or nip them in the bud before they become serious, here are some suggestions.

ENLARGE

Craig Frazier

GIVE IT STRUCTURE: Whether a company has formal or informal mentoring, or both, the organization needs to provide support for mentors and protégés. Human-resources representatives should be available to provide training and help sort out any concerns that arise. HR can also help with setting goals for the relationship.

HAVE A BACKUP: It may be best for protégés to have more than one mentor at a time, and vice versa. If a mentor tries to sabotage a protégé's career, the protégé can turn to another mentor for backing. And if a protégé tries to undermine a mentor, the mentor can seek support from other protégés.

RECRUIT CAREFULLY: People who volunteer are more likely to put in the time and effort necessary to fulfill their partners' expectations. Companies should also try to match mentors and protégés who have things in common, as those relationships are more likely to succeed.

TRAINING AND ORIENTATION: Certain principles need to be communicated beforehand, whether in a formal or informal program. For example, expectations: how often to meet, what the protégé is looking for and what the mentor has to offer.

Make sure protégés understand they should be receptive to feedback, eager to learn and amiable. They also should strive to learn even outside their mentoring relationships. The more value they can bring to the relationship, the more likely the mentors will be to help them.

Both parties should be aware that their relationship will depend on trust, and that they may need to explain their actions sometimes to reduce misunderstandings. For example, if a mentor declines a requested meeting, some explanation is warrented. Otherwise, the protégé may wrongly assume the mentor is losing interest.

Both should be alerted to patterns of behavior that are likely to cause trouble. This may help them repair—or end—potentially dysfunctional relationships before they escalate into harmful ones. Both should also be taught conflict-management skills.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Before the mentoring begins, both parties need to understand what will be required to make the collaboration worthwhile. Then they should either commit wholeheartedly or opt out.

GIVE FEEDBACK: Mentors can share appraisals with the protégés' supervisors, who have a vested interest in the protégés' development. If problems arise, someone from HR or another supervisor should be in the loop to give objective advice or mediate.

PREPARE FOR THE END: Everyone should be clear on the fact that mentoring eventually ends, when the protégé has learned all that he or she can, or when the mentor no longer provides guidance or satisfaction. Talking about this in advance helps to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings when the time comes.

Dr. Chandler is an assistant professor of management at California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. Dr. Eby is a professor of psychology at the University of Georgia. Dr. McManus is a principal at Park Spencer Group, an executive and leadership development consultancy in Cambridge, Mass. They can be reached at reports@wsj.com.

Correction & Amplification: Dawn E. Chandler, Lillian Eby and Stacy E. McManus were the authors of the article "When Mentoring Goes Bad" in Monday's WSJ Executive Adviser Journal Report. In an earlier version of this article, Dr. McManus's byline was inadvertently omitted by her fellow authors.

3rd party mentor-ships such as the American Corporate Partners can also be beneficial, as well as have less instances of some of the problems mentioned above. The drawback though is they are typically less tailored to a specific set of skills, and aren't usually as involved on a day to day basis.

Most of the ideas about what goes badly with mentoring are most likely a reflection of the corporate culture. In an organization where authenticity, intention, respect are paramount, none of these problems will occur. Mentoring in these cultures elevates both the mentor and the mentoring partner.

When I saw "JEALOUS PROTÉGÉS", I thought of something else: a couple of years back, I mentored a junior consultant for a relatively long time. Then I started mentoring a new recruit when the first one could "fly solo" most of the time. That fact (mentoring someone else) didn't appeal to the first protégé, and jealousy built up quite rapidly. Since I had very good one-to-one personal relationship with both recruits, I directly smelled out the negative feelings and with a little of eloquence & a drop of diplomacy, I boosted the self-esteem of my first protégé without hurting the second's.

I am very surprised that this article discusses mentoring by direct supervisors or supervisors further up the line, but does not mention what I have always been told is a core principle of mentoring: that a mentor should have no supervisory role or decision-making power in relation to the protege's job.

Not everyone is a good mentor and anyone wanting to use one needs to know what a mentor is. I have trained and worked with many mentors and there are key criteria’s that they must abide by. They are not parents, they should not tell the person what to do or be watching over their shoulder. I much prefer to align new managers (or any leader) with an executive coach outside of the organization because it is a professional relationship and the person will be guided, supported and encouraged. They can also say whatever they want without fear of their conversation being repeated at work. Their role is to assist the manager to identify key issues and then set a clear plan in place to achieve desired outcomes. It will not happen overnight and the executive coach needs to be well educated and have runs on the board.

Merydith WilloughbyBooksSex in the Boardroom (leadership development)If it's to be: It's up to me Back from Hell

This was an interesting article. One thing that I think could use some additional clarification is how the author defines a "mentor." Accoring to my understanding, it seems that manager/supervisor and mentor are sometimes conflated. I have been in a number of mentoring relationships (often as the mentee). Few of the mentors have ever been my supervisor and therefore were never in a position to assign me work. Asking a supervisor to be a mentor can bring its own set of challenges. The "JEALOUS PROTÉGÉS" discussion, for example raises this question. I would argue that the person immediately above you in an organization is often not an ideally situated person to be a mentor. Often someone who is two or more levels higher is in a better position to provide guidance and feedback on how performance is perceived from above.

I disagree with Vincent's comment. In my experience, direct reports are the perfect mentees if you have the right person.

However, I'm most comfortable mentoring newbies, and my field of knowledge is technically specialized and experience dependent, so 5 years of experience is still a relative newbie.

I can help them leapfrog to an 8 year equivelency, but they are still no match for my 20 years of experience. However, a 2 year acting like an 8 year "mini-me" veteran is performance dynamite for my department....or, when they move on, dynamite in departments I depend on.

It's not that I'm so special...it's when you have likeminded people rowing in the same direction to the same goal on a tight team, where everyone anticipates everyone else's moves and needs, you have a powerhouse.

I wish the WSJ editorial board had some mentors in the grammar department. This article should have been entitled "When Mentoring Goes Badly", but apparently adverbs get little respect any more. Alas, this is what happens when you think different instead of differently.

A republicanner says: The Democratic Party needs to listen to some of the Republican’s ideas. Be bold! Change! YOU WANTED CHANGE! SO CHANGE! Eliminate Estate Tax, Corporate Tax and Alternative Minimum Tax! "

Slashing taxes by the Republicans: left us with trillions of dollars in debt.

and Republicans want MORE tax cuts! Why not just blow up the economy again, like do so much?

Below is a bullet list of mentor qualities taken from : "The PathMaster GuideBook", Jack Savidge 1992. If these personality characteristics and mentoring style ares not present the relationship is usually doomed.

I agree that mentoring works best when it comes from the mentor's "heart"...voluntarily, notices a hungry junior employee that they have interaction with, and offer the extra time for explanations/what if's/etc.

I've had 2 mentors that each voluntarily and exponentially changed the upward curve of my career path and income potential this way - no formal "mentoring" assignments. I'm grateful to these two people every day.

Similarly, I've mentored 3 people (all 3 were direct reports) who I could see were hungry and had a great work ethic. Pure intentions are critical, otherwise it's not mentoring, it's manipulating. The outcome for those people was life changing, as it also allowed their careers and pay scale to leapfrog far, far beyond where they were going.

Before I mentor someone, I have to perceive 1) absolute loyalty (a person learns by being exposed to what's going right and wrong), 2) longevity to the company, 3) intellectual potential and 4) outstanding business work ethic , i.e. if being late will disrupt a revenue opportunity, it MUST be done on time; if it won't, it can wait until morning. (My industry has fewer, but larger transactions than most).

In being mentor or mentee, a common thread to me was the mentee was so far junior to the mentor in experience and knowledg- base that it would be impossible for the corporation to divest the mentor & keep the mentee.

In all of my cases, mentoring was a minimum 2 year, all-in relationship. The mentor and mentee regularly cross paths with assignments and conversations. Since my mentees were direct reports, it was daily.

Mentoring is an important part of developing Corporate Amercia; its culture, business skills and leadership ability. It's a relationship that is often used without structure and it can be highly disastrous because it is a powerful tool. This is a great article that outlines its importance and how to keep it from becoming a train wreck. With older employees delaying retirement, it is a tool that should be used more frequently. There is a ton of knowledge to be shared. Thanks for bringing this to our attention!

The protege has to know what motivates the mentor. If their objectives are not the same, generaly the protege looses.

I am an engineer. During my last two years before I retired I was assigned to help some of the young hirerees to get successfuly on board. I am proud to have done so , it resulted in a good relationish later.

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