Month: July 2014

[TIMARU, NEW ZEALAND] In a real life case of “fiction becoming reality,” a vegan New Zealand couple find themselves aground on a uninhabited island faced with the age-old, vegan question, “if you were stranded on a deserted island, would you eat meat?” George and Margaret Taylor, of Timaru, New Zealand, were coastal sailing along the Antipodes Island chain when the mast on their 42-foot Beneteau Sense 43 became detached, leaving the couple adrift in the Pacific Ocean.

“The complications occurred while tacking,” Mr. Taylor commenting during a phone interview. “Maggie was in the galley cooking up ‘er vegetable hangi when the mast let loose. I was like “bugulugs!” this can’t be good. The next thing I knew we was adrift.”

The Antipodes Islands are notorious for sweeping up ships that have lost steerage and have claimed the lives of many stranded explorers. The Taylors found themselves awash the shore along the eastern edge of the largest of the six desolate islands with very little left of their own food supply. “We had some veggies and fruit, ya’ know, ‘vegan’ food,” said Mrs. Taylor. “but, with our boat all puckarooed, we knew we wouldn’t survive very long.”

The Taylors fashioned a small lean-to on the lee side of the island and watched for any passing boats or planes to spot the massive sails they laid along the beach. Days became weeks and the couple found themselves in the old-story “vegan” situation of having to forage for their food, specifically protein, on a deserted island — not to mention finding fresh water, which omnivores forget to mention when they pose this ridiculous scenario. While there was plenty of plant-life on the archipelago to sustain the wild goats, small rodents, fowl, and fish the couple struggled with the concept of having to indulge in animal flesh to survive.

“We would stare at each other for long hours as we dined on limitless vegetation, wondering who might make the first move — us, or the goats,” Mr. Taylor added from his seaside home in Timaru. “Our omnivore friends for years annoyed us with the quandry if we would eat meat to survive on a deserted island and there we were … asking ourselves the very same question. Luckily, by rationing our own food and water supply, along with the island’s vegetation, we were able to stay alive for 16-days until the New Zealand Island Authority (NZIA) rescued us. I don’t know if we would have made it one more day. I actually thought twice about throwing a lobster on the barbie. If only we’d brought butter.”

Mrs. Taylor added, “As far as the question goes, I guess we’ll never know the answer.”

Thousands of sailors, some as recently as 1999, have died on these remote islands and the NZIA speculate the majority of them must have been vegan.

Like this:

If you have to eat meat and, face it, it seems like some of us need meat to survive, you should always check for the “100% Dead Animal” seal on every package. Your family deserves this and, this way, you’ll be sure that you “don’t let that meal get away.”

Forget “grass-fed, or “free-range” or even “humanely-killed,” what’s most important when planning your dinner is making sure you are cooking 100% dead animal. Don’t settle for anything less …

Last week I had a physical. Since becoming vegan over two years ago, I actually look forward to physicals. At my age, for the record I am half-expired, doctors start to salivate over the notion of prescribing some sort of medication to keep people alive. It’s also that time of life when they are making their Viagra quota and are very disappointed when I let them know I’m not interested (in the drug, that is).

My first visit after going vegan the doctor was surprised to find that I had lost twenty pounds and that my cholesterol was lowered and that my blood pressure was perfect. It was as if they were examining a new patient as opposed to someone who was creeping up to “over the hill” status.

I’ll never forget how she looked at me, over her glasses, after reading the numbers, as if I had somehow cheated on the blood test or tricked the blood pressure gauge.

Friends of mine who are the same age are all fattening up and swallowing down whatever pills they need in order to continue with their current lifestyle. I was actually shocked a while back when a close friend of mine told me his doctor had prescribed him a pill that he could take every day that would keep his arteries clear enough so he could enjoy as much meat and dairy as he liked. He was delighted to know that keeping on this one drug meant he could eat as much butter-drenched steak as he wanted. Not thinking that this could be a much shorter time than he was originally hoping for and not noticing that this drug was brought to his attention only when his own father suffered a stroke.

And, of course, with no mention of going vegan.

I am forever amazed at what doctors will prescribe their patients as opposed to telling them to cut out meat, eggs, and dairy. It’s evident that, to a doctor, an all-expense paid vacation on Pfizer is much more exciting than patient health. But I digress.

Last week’s physical was for a new life insurance policy. Standard in-home visit for blood and urine, weight and measurements, and a three-page questionnaire. In the interest of full-disclosure, my weight has gone up 15 pounds in the past year but I blame that on my wife being pregnant to which I blame on having clear arteries without a $3 pill. The circle of life.

I do eat a lot of vegan “junk food” and should balance it out better with more whole foods and fruits and vegetables but as a gluten-free vegan, I kind of try to give myself leeway; which was reflected that morning on the scale.

But, my blood pressure was perfect and the nurse neatly packed away my samples as she began the series of questions. Health history, family health history, depression, exercise, alcohol consumption, smoking … and … done … that was it. She was done. Done? I reviewed the questions and signed off on my answers and she tucked it all into her backpack and left.

Never once asking me about my diet, or more specifically, if I eat meat.

Now, I know I see things differently as an ethical vegan and I am more sensitive about these issues than most people but it still struck me like a bolt of lightning that she asked about smoking but not about meat. Meat is as bad for you as smoking and eggs are worse than both. When you talk about what might kill you in your prime years, the chances of a heart attack or stroke because of meat-clogged arteries is higher than dying of lung cancer from smoking or liver failure from drinking. Meat is killing this country.

But she never asked.

Of course, she was going through the motions and doing what needed to be done for the insurance company but at that corporate level above her, wouldn’t you think they would ask about meat, eggs, and dairy? Or, at a minimum, ask about amounts of these consumed? Or, even less, ask “how’s your diet?”

After she left I pondered this for a while and realized that for the same reasons doctors want to keep the country on life-extending drugs, it’s the same for a life insurance company. They won’t ask these hard-hitting questions. It is one hand feeding the next. And it’s feeding “the next” meat, eggs, and dairy.

Like this:

Yesterday’s blog post, this one here, generated more traffic to The Meaty Vegan than any other blog post before it. In fact, its two-day total generated more views than all the other blog posts I’ve written over the past year combined. And I’ve written almost 300 to date.

All told, and the numbers are still coming in, the post “BREAKING NEWS: Man Dies; Veganism Blamed” has had over 4,000 views and 378 Facebook shares. This number still blows my mind and will probably topple 5,000 by the end of the weekend.

Not sure if you can even SEE the past month on the report above but an “average” blog post generates about 100-200 unique views. Occasionally, like this one featuring The Sexy Vegan, I can get 400-500 views. Even at 500 views, that comes nowhere near 4,000!

What made it so popular?

It had a catchy lead-in teaser and headline that made the reader believe that being vegan somehow contributed to the death of someone who was already old. It also had humor and a very clever photo (if I do say so myself) that felt “real.”

Like all my blog posts, I usually start a draft at night while in bed. I get an idea and type a headline and a few paragraphs and then re-address it the following day; getting in there with a coffee-induced re-write.

I thought this was a pretty strong concept to begin with, so I checked in with the folks over at HappyCow to see if they wanted to publish it first, I waited about ten minutes and went ahead on my own (by the way, you can read my new blog post on HappyCow at this link).

All of my satire pieces, like this one about vegans dying from a lack of protein take place in Oklahoma. I, for some reason, think this might be the most un-vegan state in the union. I find a small town on a map and write it as if it’s news. In this case, I also found this photo of an unassuming home in Oklahoma for my character to live (and die) in.

As an aside, I’ve gotten numerous emails from people wanting to know if the house is for sale now that “David Nash” has expired. As a matter of fact, this house is on the market and it costs less than $40,000 … but, alas, it’s in Oklahoma. Nice porch, eh?

The other major factor that made this blog post work was that the majority of the readers thought it was real. The lead-in paragraph that shows up in social media was enough for them to draw their own conclusion and then immediately comment. Some of the comments are pretty hilarious, especially after the person who posted it goes back and actually reads the piece. SMH.

Readers from the U.K., Germany, Norway, Israel, Netherlands, and even Finland found this post. I may have to start publishing in other languages.

Can lightning strike twice? We’ll see. Am I incredibly proud of this accomplishment? You bet.

The goal of MeatyVegan.com has been to entertain first and educate second and with 4,000+ new readers of The Meaty Vegan, we know our important message is going out to the masses …

Go vegan.

NOTE: If HALF of these readers clicked this banner ad for my business … then I’d really be in business! 😉

Like this:

[BUFFALO CITY, OK] Harper County Police and the Harper County Medical Examiner’s Office are investigating the death of a Buffalo City man this morning.

A 92-year-old Buffalo City resident was found dead in his modest prairie home earlier this week. Local authorities believe his vegan lifestyle may have contributed to his unexpected death. David Nash, retired postal worker for Buffalo City, was discovered deceased in his reclining chair by a neighbor who felt “something was just not right.”

“I considered David a friend, in spite of the fact he only ever brought hummus and veggie burgers to our community cookouts,” said Daryl Leno, a neighbor of Nash’s. “Considering the bizarre diet he was on, I’m pretty sure that’s what killed him. I mean, come on, what is hummus anyway?”

The County medical examiner confirmed upon closer inspection of Nash’s home, they could only find whole foods, beans, rice, fruits, vegetables, and some form of “soy” milk in his refrigerator and pantry.

“There is no way a person can survive on this diet,” said Pablo Rodriguez, Chief Medical Examiner. “Where’s the steaks? The eggs? It’s no wonder he didn’t live to be 94 with this type of lifestyle. It’s just unhealthy.”

In related “unhealthy” news, a popular food blogger and Instagram sensation known previously as The Blonde Vegan, made national headlines when she admitted that trying to stay alive consuming only food that is good for you, foods found in a vegan diet, and avoiding meat, dairy, and eggs, nearly killed her.

Jordan, a yoga junkie, passionate writer, fitness freak, smoothie addict, dream chaser, cleanse creator, founder of TBV Apparel, wannabe food photographer & lover of all things health related has since converted back to an omnivore’s diet and already feels healthier and reports that her period, which had stalled during her 18-months vegan, has returned. This medical oddity also proves that vegans cannot reproduce and if the planet went 100% vegan, human life would cease to exist.

“If I could say just one thing to Mr. Nash in the great beyond, it would be ‘bacon’,” Rodriguez added, while biting into a double cheeseburger over Nash’s corpse during his planned autopsy. “If only someone had told this old man that humans require meat and meat protein and eggs and milk and bacon … to live, he’d still be with us today.”

Last night my interview with Animal Concerns Texas (ACT) Radio aired and I cannot say enough nice things about Greg, Liz and Tom and this NPR program. Everyone from the radio hosts to the producers was great to work with and I am thankful they are doing what they are doing in the great state of Texas.

If you’ve ever wondered what the Meaty Vegan sounds like … here is your chance.

Like this:

I haven’t blogged in quite a while. When I first started MeatyVegan.com, I was blogging every day. Every. Single. Day. Then it went to once a week. I could manage once a week. Then I started my own vegan consulting firm, and now the meaty is on the back burner.

ThankTank Creative, a consulting, design, and marketing firm for socially-just, environmentally-conscious, and vegan businesses was launched on June 4 and its been a whirlwind ever since. Starting any company is a risk but starting a company like ThankTank, so focused on working exclusively with like-minded businesses, is an even greater risk. In this instance, it is a risk that has paid off.

The first call we received was from a woman in Sacramento and she started the conversation by saying, “thank you for being ethical vegans.” From that moment on, each of the businesses looking to expand, create, define, and design has had the same attitude. It’s as if they were waiting for a marketing firm that was run by vegans their entire life. We can end every conversation and email with “thank you for all you do for the animals.”

Without the other person saying: “bacon.”

And thank you to all our premier clients for supporting our business and being there as we rolled out over the past month. Know that we are busily working on your projects all day and appreciate your trust in us.