"Life is an adventure if you spend it with the right people. "

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I vowed in the days before my surgery (and afterwards when I had a twisted bowel and then later gallstones) that I would be a better person, I vowed to change, to live life better.

So we are now a year past my last operation and what’s changed?

Well I took the kids out of school for a bit. Looking for a life of travel and life education. But when your solo parenting 4 its just not that easy. When you have a Aldi lemonade budget but want to live a Waitrose Prosecco lifestyle it was never going to work. Besides Jake struggled with the fact he still had to do “school” work.

I ate better for a bit. Then as the fear of the pain eased the chocolate & fish n chips creeped back in.

I returned to swimming and after a short break have now returned again.

I’ve took up doing a 20 min walk 3 times a week. (Up until we all got sick & the cold snap hit. It’s no fun walking up a steep hill with a pushchair when it’s like a skate rink.)

Unfortunately as a family we seem to have drifted further apart lately. Chris works long hours and travels away quite a bit with work.

Don’t get me wrong we had some amazing trips in 2018 but him working the hours he does and only living pay check to pay check is tough for us all.

So what has really changed?

Well

I’m still feeling lost with who I am. Where I want to be.

I had such plans last year maybe it was the adrenaline from the fear of dying that spurred me on.

It’s like we’re stuck in a bit of a rut waiting for a better life. Waiting for the kids to grow. Waiting until we’re in a better financial place.

What’s next?

Well I want to figure out what I can do as a career. I have often said in the past that I want to make this blog and social media a way of making income but I all honesty I don’t think I’m cut out for it.

I think I’ve lost my passion for blogging a little because I’m trying to hard to make it work as a business. I’ve lost sight of my ‘why’.

I need to crack on with my #fitfor40 because that big number will be here in a flash.

I need to figure out a way to get our family living a better relationship. Stop the fighting and negativity.

Make the most of life. Breath in every second.

Outlook.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll be back here in a year with the same post wishing I’d lived better for the past year. Maybe this time is the time. Our time to find a better way to live life!

I just want to say thank-you to all of you that have supported me over the past year and a half or more.

To those that live in my phone and take the time to comment, ask how I’m doing, and support from afar. You help me each and every day.

Those that are there in my real life I don’t know what I would do without you.

We also headed to the Norfolk coast to the amazing Mill Farm Eco Barn It was such an amazing holiday for all of our family we spent time at the beach, evenings at the arcades playing the slot machines, We ate fish n chips and in true Spencer style took mystery road trips by looking at a map and just driving!

Before the Summer Holidays hit We hopped on a plane to our favorite destination for the littlest twins first holiday abroad. Lanzarote is like our second home!

Towards the end of the summer Holidays we surprised the kids with a train ride to France and more importantly to Disneyland! I think me and Chris were as excited if not more than the kids. Its just so magical.

Homeschool

We took the kids out of school to try our hand at home schooling. there just wasn’t enough hours in the day to get everything done.

I really admire everyone who is on the home school journey but at the moment it’s not for me. I barely have any time while they are at school to get everything done that I want to.

Work, money, Blogging

Ive learnt this year that I’m shit at money. I posted through the year about our family hitting crisis point. In life and in money. Unfortunately barely anything has changed

I really need to get a grip of our finances this new year. It a big source of stress for us all.

I haven’t been consistent enough online to hit those magic “influencer” numbers. I have to realise I have a family and home that come before you all. I remembered through the year though I share our life because I like doing it. I like being creative. I have lost a little of my creativity on my insta grid lately in favour of just getting the post up for consistency. I want to use my creativity more and set up photos yes I know people see this as fake sometimes but I like the creative aspect of it. My dad when I was younger was always playing around with setting up photographs of wine and cheese boards etc.

I think that’s about it for my 2018 round up.

Thanks for joining us this year and being part of our family.

I hope you’ll stick around in 2019 for more chaos, adventures, and creativity.

So the kids have gone back to school this morning and I’m starting on my bucket list for this term.

There is 7 school weeks left of 2018 I know I can’t believe it. Where exactly did 2018 go?

There are lots of things I’d like to accomplish before the end of the year most of which are easier when the kids are at school.

So what better way to feel productive than make a list.

Home

Move kids rooms. – I’m trying to move the little twins into what is now the big twins rooms and the big twins into bigger rooms that feel more separate in the hope they may not invade each other’s space as much.

Finish all the Christmas gifts and get them wrapped. – I always seem to be wrapping on Christmas Eve when I’m trying to also cook dinner.

Sort out the kids clothing. – During the last couple of months they seem to have grown a little fast. All four of them and are growing out of clothes.

Minimise – I don’t want to be so cluttered and unorganised in 2019 the most important thing I need to decluttering is the kids toys. Especially as I know they will be bombarded with stuff again at Christmas.

Work

Hit vlogmas. – For the past few years I’ve been doing vlogmas it’s where I started my YouTube channel even if I was very nervous and a little bit quiet. This year I’d like to make my December Vlogs feel super cosy and festive and and feel like I’m as good as some of those other mummy bloggers out there.

Create a better schedule for myself. I want to stick a little better to a work/ life schedule. I think I’m getting there I just need some little tweaks.

Reach out. – Send out some emails to potential companies that I’d love to work with in 2019. Fingers crossed someone would love to work with me.

That’s my bucket list for the winter term.

I’ve not put down any family related things as I don’t really have anything I really want to do. It’s not like the summer is it where you plan trips to the seaside or days out as you never can quite predict the weather.

Wish me luck. I’ll check back at the end of term.

Do you find it helpful to write a bucket list like this or do you prefer to go with the flow?

June Update

Chris spent quite a bit of time working away. And I really suffer with my mental wellbeing when he is away.

It also hard bloody work solo parenting when he is away.

However June also saw lots of fun things

Lots of birthdays and Fathers Day.

Lots of outdoor play

Fun in the sun, splashing about in the pool, climbing tree and feeding ducks at the local National Trust property. Raising funds for The Jessop Wing at Sheffield, lots of Parklife, a couple of working trips for me and the big kids.

It also involved a new style for me.

July

But now July is here.

June’s word of the Month was self-care.

I’m still suffering with my Health however I’ve decided to focus my word on the season this Month.

So Julys Word is Summer!

I’ll be focusing on having summer fun during the Month.

Starting off with a trip to our favourite place – Lanzarote.

Then the kids are hearing back to school for transition.

Before I head off to an unofficial WI camp with 500 other women from across the country.

Summer bucket lists will be drawn up for the school holidays.

And back to school in September will be planned for.

So there you have it that’s my plans for July.

What are you up to?

Have your kids already broken up from school or have you got wait until The end of the month?

As I crawl through the house at 5am on the weekend trying to locate a tooth that was lost and replace it with a shiny penny.

I find an envelope and start putting fancy writing on it from The Tooth Fairy. Saying how sorry I am that she couldn’t find the tooth and that as it’s a first one she will leave a penny anyway.

I realise that I’m gonna be knackered again by teatime.

People wonder why parents are so exhausted.

Well this is just one of the reasons.

Here are a few more. Let me know if you think I’ve missed any off the list.

10 reasons you won’t sleep when your a parent.

NewbornPhase. To start with newborns will need to be woken or will often be awake waiting for those night feeds. This exhaustion is kind of ok as your still on a high normally from having your new little bundle or bundles in your life.

4MonthRegression. Your newborn may have a short stint to lull you into a false sense of security. However this may be short lived the 4 month is a bitch.

Teething. Babies can go through a terrible time when they are teething. And they won’t be the only ones. Sleeplessness can be a big symptom of teething. Ibuprofen is good. As are teething powders. Oh and coffee.

I want my do do. Yes I know giving babies a dummy will inevitable end in tears being shed. Normally us parents. But babies can often lose the bunny in the night and not be able to settle off again without it. This screaming for said dummy ending up with you scrambling for it in the dark.

Bed Wetting bAs your kids get older you will start potty training. If you decide to brave no nappy at night you may find yourself be woken by little ones telling you they have wet their bed. Who knew so much pee could come out of someone so small. So change of bed, jammers, or leave until the morning and brave them sleeping with you?

Illness. When my kids are ill I actually let them sleep in our room on their own mattress. I get them a bowl if they are sick, tissues for a runny nose and plenty of vicks for stuffy noses. Their illness will have them waking up and telling you they are gonna be sick. A few times a night probably. You will need to empty the bowl and clean their face. While you try to keep both eyes open.

Nightmares. Dreams about bats coming to get them, falling into water and not being able to swim and monsters coming out of the wardrobe to name a few. Nightmare will end with your own mini nightmare. Your child will probably stand at the side of your bed staring at you from an inch away from your face. Your unconscious mind will feel this presence and alert you. Waking you up to the small child literally in your face. You will either now have to share your bed with the scary creature you produced yourself or try and reassure them there are no monsters in the wardrobe. Meanwhile you’ve had a mini heart attack from that angelic face that was an inch away from your own.

ELVES. Some parents including me will buy into the Elf On The Shelf thing at Christmas. This will mean you are up late at night after everyone else is in bed moving said elf. Either that or you will wake early in a morning thinking shit shit shit. Where shall I put that thing today. You bought this thing. You did yourself out of those early nights in December!! Just remember that.

ToothFairy. As mentioned above. Kids teeth fall out about 6/7 years old. The tooth fairy will need to come. You must wait to retrieve said tooth until everyone is asleep. Like properly asleep. I mean who made this thing up anyway. A fairy swaps teeth for a coin then they build castles with the teeth. Teeth that are smaller than a ricecrispie. That the child has to put under his or her pillow. Where their head will be. What in God’s name would make anyone think this is a good idea.

Worry. Throughout your children’s lives there will be nights when they will sleep soundly and you will be wide awake. Not sleeping because your little one (or big one) is causing you worry for one reason or another. It could be an unexplained tummy ache. A little rash that you will google and decide you need to go to A&E only to discover when you wash their face to sooth them the rash disappears. It must have been a splash of juice or that lolly pop they had this afternoon.

So if I’ve left anything out or you can relate to any of these leave your funny stories in the comments.

Of course most of the above can be overcome with plenty of daytime naps and failing that coffee. All of the coffee.

I wouldn’t change these sleepless nights for the world. You just have to remember that these things will pass and when they do you will give anything to be five if your baby that night feed one more time.

Join my sleeplessness ramblings over on my instagram stories.

If your up in the night take comfort in knowing your not the only one.

It is also Good Friday for some reason the holidays have started dead on Easter weekend which means there isn’t much time for easter crafting before Easter Sunday.

However There are a few Easterish type things I’d like to do with the kiddos over the net week or so.

Make Easter costumes.

Melody really wants to dress as the easter bunny and who am I to stop her?

Take part in Grandma’s Easter Egg hunt

Each year she invites the whole family around for an egg hunt in her garden and a buffet tea afterwards. Its great building these memories with the kids. Some of the family they wouldn’t really see otherwise.

Family Fun day at a local farm shop / cafe

We have only recently discovered this cafe. We went for Chris’s mum & Dads 50th wedding anniversary. Anyway the are holding a family fun day with crafts and food and characters so I thought we would head over and join in.

I thought if the weather is nice we could go along It might be quite nice to take the walk around the lake and feed the ducks on the way.

Easter themed worksheets

If the weather is as bad as it has predicted I dont want the kids on the I Pads all week so I’m going to print off some colouring sheets and word searches to keep them busy.

Cinema Trip

I want to see Peter Rabbit and I’m sure the kids do too! I have recently found out i can take the babies with me to the cinema too so that means I dont have to get anyone else to baby sit if I want to take the big two.