perfected_anas' Journal

Recent Entries

12th March 2008

ariawannbe @ 12:17pm:
My name is Traci, I'm 21 and I've been ana since I was 14. In the past fasting has been more successful when I've had a fasting buddy. So, if anyone would like to be fasing buddies you can text me at 402-813-1098. I'm starting (over) today

10th March 2006

10th June 2005

anahell @ 5:52pm:
I’m just wondering if anyone would like to join my friends list and comment on my eating diary. I’ve only been here for 2 days and I’ve not added anyone yet. I’d love to read about you guys, and have people comment on what I’m doing wrong/right and whatnot.

25th May 2005

natalielight @ 1:29pm:
I'm not going to lie, I have been extremely bad yesterday , and I want to kick myself in the ass for it.I ate a small salad,pancakes with cheese and drank almost an entire liter bottle of Coke, and not diet. I wish I could take that all back but I can't. I feel kinda sick from eating, and I wish I could change what I have eaten but I can't, and I regret it big time.Today I've been really good. I've only had stuff to drink, and now gum which helps A LOT!. I will be thin. I will be light as snow and pure as air. I am a beautiful person on the inside, there is no reason (apart from lazy self-indulgence) why I shouldn't be on the outside.I will be perfect. I will smile and nod at the right times and stand up and be strong whenever it is required of me. I will have everybody wanting to be me, not having a clue about what goes on inside. Ok, I am going to go work out, and then get a shower and go out or something. Byes.

23rd May 2005

Why would anyone be glad to have an eating disorder? I don't know, but sometimes I am. Sometimes I like being proud of myself for not eating. Sometimes I wish for nothing more than to be "normal" and not have my disorders. Sometimes I don't know who I would be without them. Sometimes I feel cursed. Sometimes I feel blessed.To me, Anorexia is a painful lover, but I can't let her go.

Ana tells you that you do not need all the crap they're trying to feed to you (literally and figuratively). You are above it all, you transcend normal, human needs. While everyone around you has to give in and cram their mouths with food, you can sit back and calmly refuse. You don't NEED food.

A good thing about having an eating disorder is that you know there is something you can control. I cannot control my mental health--almost 2 decades of insanity and the use of almost every psychiatric drug there is has proven that fact. But I CAN control what I eat. I can control my disorder.

5th May 2005

natalielight @ 10:16am:
"For a long time I believed the opposite of passion was death. I was wrong. Passion and death are implicit, one in the other. Past the border of a fiery life lies the netherworld. I can trace this road, which took me through places so hot the very air burned the lungs. I did not turn back. I pressed on, and eventually passed over the border, beyond which lies a place that is wordless and cold, so cold that it, like mercury, burns a freezing blue flame."

The girl gets up each day and creates herself out of cloth and paint. She writes at night about men who looked, and boys who touched, and weight. She writes of the great weakness that drove her to the cupboard and made her eat. The writing is never enough. Confession is insufficient. Absolution never comes in the articulation, only in the penance. She thinks of the saints: their flagellums, their bedf of nails, their centuries-late apologies for Eve who doomed all women to the pains of the flesh by giving in to the pleasures of the flesh. They lacerate their own flesh in penance for Eve, for the sins of the world wihich they shoulder as their own. They wear hair shirts, or razors next to their skin.******************************************************************************She reads books on the saints. The sainted anoretics, who, in thier holy ascetiscism, insisted that God was telling them to starve. She considers God. She determines he, if they were on speaking terms, would tell her to starve for general sins. The hair shirt is her own skin, rasping on the rawness of what lies beneath. She wills herself to rise above the flesh: not food, not sex, not touch, not sleep...The insomnia gives rise to mania, a racing of thoughts and sadistically vivid images flashing in the brain..The thoughts spiral upward, whitling shrill as a teakettle screaming inside the brain.******************************************************************************

27th April 2005

natalielight @ 1:40pm:
My History With "Ed"***Ana, my maker, my destroyer.... I had met Ana, although at the time I didn't know her by name. All I knew is that I had decided to stop stuffing my face and get skinny. For the first time in my life, I was beautiful. I was strong. I realize now that there is no "normal" for someone like me. I am an extremist, it's everything or nothing at all.I choose nothing.I also have to accept that Ana doesn't give up easily. I can't just "drop" my eating disorder--it's not like a "diet" that you can just "quit". It's like opening a Pandora's box--once it's let out, it's hard to put back. I feel like I’m in love with her beauty, simplicity, control and discipline.My sweet Ana is a faithful friend, but such a demanding lover. Ana racks you with sharp, unbearable headaches from lack of food. Ana blacks you out and makes you fall down. Ana tells you to "sit down before you drop dead". Ana tells you you're doing it right when the stabbing stomach pains force you to sit down and curl up in agony. Ana makes you who you are--strong, light and free. Ana makes you better than all of those mindless weak pathetic drones, shoving gruel in their mouths like pigs at a trough. Quite honestly I would rather die than be fat like I was before.

25th April 2005

natalielight @ 2:00pm:
hey there:))i'm slowly going to my goal weight and it feels awesome.i feel so light and so...i just cannot describe it.and..I Refuse!by CelerystickI refuse to give in to the pathetic whimpers my body makes. I refuse to accept its supposed limitations. I will cross every line it tries to draw.I refuse to punish myself for crimes i have not commited. I refuse to live in a body that disgusts me. I refuse to pretend to like being fat. I refuse to squeeze myself into the mold of "large and in charge" or "Fat and Happy".I refuse to be anything but Thin and In Control.I refuse to be disuaded. I refuse to walk less than 2 miles at a time. I refuse to eat enough to not be hungry. I refuse to let the screams of hunger throw me off.I refuse to listen to those who will not hear me. I refuse to help anyone who thinks hunger is a bad thing.I refuse to accept compliments from insincere fat people who do nothing to better themselves. I refuse to take diet advice from hypocrites.I refuse to be defeated by gravity. I refuse to weigh any more than ___ by the 14th.And with that, I refuse to hear the critics, the do-gooders, the lazies, the fatties, the punks, the morons, the all-around IDIOTS who can't see my goals for what they are.They are the only thing i will accept. ever. and that's that.

8th February 2005

iknowitsowell @ 8:20pm:
hey, i'm new.i'm just wondering what's the longest that any of you have gone without eating at all? i'm trying to lose a good 10-20lbs as fast as possible, and have a little session with my toilet everynight and eating as little as possible hasnt been helping much.

is just flat out not eating for a couple days or so worth it? does it work? what DOES work?

i normally ana my way out of whatever i do eat anyway but it hasnt been seeming to do much. i hate food. i honestly do.

4th December 2004

ana_aug @ 5:01pm: I'm new...
Hi, I'm Aug, I'm a guy, I'm 16, I'm 5'8" and 125 pounds. I want to get back down to 105, and just need advice on it. Also, I'm having difficulties finding pants that fit...any suggestions on that?

5th July 2004

bluejeanbaby06 @ 6:24pm:
After a year and a half with the same person, I am no longer seeing a nutritionist. I refuse to go. Why should I? All they do is weigh me and shake their head at the numbers. It is one less thing that I don't have to worry about. Seeing her only adds stress. I now refuse to be weighed in Drs offices. I can't handle it. I am falling back into this treacherous cycle and it seems as if its only worse. My doctors have given up on me. I guess I'm a lost cause. I'll never get better. This is my destiny. my diet has now become grapes and veggie soup. both of which i throw up. why am i doing this? have you ever asked yourself who you are starving for? thinness, beauty, perfection. i have started to realize how messed up that really is. i am making myself look more grotesque by the day. this is not attractive. so why? i don't know.

12th May 2004

6th May 2004

amk47 @ 12:58pm:
have not posted for a while was doing pretty well went down to about 110, then I went on this (binge / lax kick) for the past two weeks and have gone up to 116 ugh. I am giving myself two weeks to get back down. I am feeling weird about my loss. I tried on last summers clothes from when I was about 105 and most of them fit. But I weigh, more now than I did then. I started working out and am wondering if I have gained muscle which weighs more but takes less room hence the clothes fitting (either that or my old scale was wrong). Regardless, a bigger number on the scale messes with my head. I am wearing between a size 1-3-5 depending on the clothing brand (25-26 seven jeans), (27 miss sixty), (three lei). I am about five five and three quarters.

Tasty and filling

1 scoop ultra low carb protein powder.1 banannahalf cup skim milk1 cup diet yougart.(makes two and a half cups) 400 cal and will keep you going all day. great for a liquid fasting day. Bonus, you are getting protein so you will loose fat and not muscle. Another bonus, there is a correlation between consuming dairy and weight loss.