Really, “X Factor?” You couldn’t just give us one hour? Two songs each tonight: contestant choice and “a song that will get them into the finals.” Um, shouldn’t that be every song?

And L.A. Reid, please don’t ever wear a cowboy hat again.

Tate Stevens: “Bonfire.” This feels like something Tate would record. High-energy and very much middle-of-the-road. His voice wavers off-key whenever the song pushes too much outside his comfort zone. But win or not, Tate is getting signed and onto country radio. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the most successful contestants in the show’s two-season history.

Britney Spears doesn’t think it was his best. Demi Lovato calls it “a freaking amazing performance.” Simon Cowell says it’s one of his “favorite” performances. L.A. is still wearing that stupid cowboy hat and says he “lit the stage on fire.”

I’M SORRY “COUNTRY HAT” IN THE WORDS OF KHLOE KARDASHIAN. COUNTRY HAT.

Carly Rose Sonenclar: “Your Song.” I wish Carly wasn’t so predictable and would have gone with a younger, more current song. Instead, she settles on an Elton John ballad and is trying way too hard to change it up. By the end, it’s all money notes, and most of them don’t need to be there. She even sounds off pitch, and the sleepy glaze is back on her vocals. I think she may have choked a bit.

L.A. liked that she changed it up and calls it “risky.” (Um, sure.) Demi calls it “very predictable” but also “great.” Simon calls it “a beautiful version.” Britney is “so proud.”

Emblem3: “Baby I Love Your Way.” What is this song choice about? Why are they laying down? Why have they turned into Sugar Ray? There’s a rap break about a “female dog?” I don’t understand this, other than to know it’s terrible. Even for them, it’s dismal.

L.A. calls it their “$5 million moment.” Britney thinks it was “special.” Demi loves it, too. Simon thinks they’ve put themselves into the finals. And these judges are obviously getting paid to ensure an Emblem3 win. Or something. I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE.

Fifth Harmony: “Anything Can Happen.” Finally, a modern pop song. The girls look adorable and sound solid. This feels like an actual performance. It’s bright and bubbly and confident. Every little detail works. I know they’re the underdogs at this point, but it would be fantastic to see them make it over Emblem3. SO FANTASTIC.

Simon should have been pushing 5H over E3 from the beginning. There are no girl groups right now (as opposed to an increasing number of boy bands which YES YOU ARE EMBLEM3). They could have owned the market.

Tate Stevens: “Fall.” This song is so overdone. But Tate — or country music, for the most part — isn’t about the unexpected. It’s flat in the wake of his first, more dynamic performance. AND YES YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE MORE THAN ANY MAN HAS EVER LOVED HIS WIFE.

Carly Rose Sonenclar: “Imagine.” Britney calls this song “a huge risk.” Um, no. It’s not. This is exactly what Carly can do and usually does. She’s a master of control and is remarkably mature. Things we already knew. But it’s time to act your age. We don’t need another Bianca Ryan. She again tries to put her spin on the arrangement, and it sounds like she’s yelling. Completely unnecessary power notes. This is Carly’s weakest night of the season. Overblown and overdone.

L.A. likes it. Demi calls it “amazing.” Simon says “it was like five things went on” and thinks it was “fussy.” Carly looks absolutely crushed because she’s probably never heard a negative critique in her life. Britney likes it.

Emblem3: “Hey Jude.” I’m really not understanding a lot of these song choices. A classic Beatles tun is only going to highlight vocal weaknesses, and lord knows these guys already do that fine on their own. The harmonies are atrocious. It picks up slightly at the na-nas, only because there are lights and a chorus and oooh shiny things. Easily the worst of the night.

Really, really, really terrible.

L.A. calls them “teen heartthrobs like the Beatles.” Britney thinks it was an “A-level performance.” Demi calls it “amazing.” Simon is “so proud.”

Fifth Harmony: “Impossible.” Oh. No. No, no, no. Repeating their song from judges’ homes? This was a season highlight, but doing it again is a huge risk. Adding Spanish lyrics mixes it up, and the girls sound great. But it just feels too much like a rehash. Carly and Tate are guarantees, so Simon has thrown Fifth Harmony directly under the bus to ensure Emblem3 is safe. He criticized Diamond White for repeating a song just last week.

L.A. calls the song choice “lazy.” Britney would be “really surprised” to see them in the finals. Demi is “a little worried.” Simon says they’re “one of the strongest acts tonight.”

Done. Fifth Harmony is heading home Thursday, despite having the night’s strongest performance (“Anything Can Happen”). Even though it should be, without a doubt, Emblem3.