Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

War is Too Easy for Most Americans

What better way to wrap up this wild and crazy decade than to dredge up this explosive polarizing subject that basically defines the Aughts (or the Oh Ohs, Uh Ohs, whatever you want to call them).

This column by Bob Herbert brings up the issue that’s surely caused more online shouting matches than any other subject. He reiterates what’s been said jillions of times already: Our Iraqistan Quagmire™ is having absolutely no effect on the vast vast majority of Americans. Because of this, it’s much too easy for millions of sheltered Americans to sit all snuggled up in their living rooms and blither endlessly about “We need to get in there and fight!” “Failure is not an option!” Etc.

Bob Herbert’s column is low key and politely worded, so I won’t go into one of my rants about trustfunded safety-netted chickenhawk fucks who’d probably shit their pants if somebody even glared at them, but these same dickwads are perfectly happy to — oops, I did it again.

His column starts with:

“I spoke recently with a student at Columbia who was enthusiastic about the escalation of U.S. forces in Afghanistan. He argued that a full-blown counterinsurgency effort, which would likely take many years and cost many lives, was the only way to truly win the war. He was a very bright young man: thoughtful and eager and polite. I asked him if he had any plans to join the military and help make this grand mission a success. He said no.”

Multiply the above-mentioned F#$%!#%$&! by a few million — or tens of millions — and you have our predicament. America is willing to fight those commie terrorist Muslims to the last drop of somebody else’s blood.

For the future, the obvious answer is no more elective “pre-emptive” invasions. But meanwhile, tens of millions of Americans think it’s just hunky dory to have 1% of the population doing all the fighting, dying, and coming home disabled.

Military personnel and their families are suffering more and more while the rest of the country goes its merry way. Herbert also says:

“The reason it is so easy for the U.S. to declare wars, and to continue fighting year after year after year, is because so few Americans feel the actual pain of those wars. We’ve been fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan longer than we fought in World Wars I and II combined. If voters had to choose right now between instituting a draft or exiting Afghanistan and Iraq, the troops would be out of those two countries in a heartbeat.”

So — bring back the draft? Or maybe establish some sort of mandatory service that wouldn’t have to involve combat. At the very least, we need a huge gargantuan agonizing excruciating surtax to pay for any future invasions. And this tax would be established and collected BEFORE the first soldier leaves American soil. That’s sort of the opposite approach from a certain unnamed dimwitted president who gave trillions of dollars in tax cuts to the wealthiest Americans while simultaneously spending trillions of dollars to topple a certain dictator, like his daddy didn’t, so his mommy would smile and glow and beckon him back into her bed. But I digress…

Herbert’s column ends with:

“What we are doing is indefensible and will ultimately exact a fearful price, and there will be absolutely no way for the U.S. to avoid paying it.”

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Farewell to the Uh-Ohs

Ah, nostalgia. Who could forget those last halcyon days of 1999. The world was about to grind to a halt because all of the computer systems would think it was 1900. And/or the Apocalypse was coming. Several rap CDs from 1999 (e.g. Extinction Level Event by Busta Rhymes) were based on Apocalypse/End of Days themes.

And don’t forget all those phrases and clichés based on “Y2K.” It’s probably been ten years since you’ve even seen or heard “Y2K.”

And most unforgettable of all — those armies of tight-lipped furrowed-browed nitpickers who insisted on boring the shit out of everybody with “The new millennium won’t start until 2001 because blabbity blabbity bla bla…” Even if they were technically right (I know, I know, the calendar starts with the year One and not Zero, etc.) — So F#$%&#!# What? When all four digits of the year change — which happens once every thousand years — people are gonna call it the new millennium. Next.

I always figured those “the new millennium doesn’t start until next year” types were the same people who interrupt you mid-sentence to correct your grammar. Back in high school they were the ones who would raise their hands to remind the teacher that she forgot to assign homework over Christmas vacation. Anyway…

I thought the Uh Ohs — as Leonard Pitts referred to this decade a few weeks ago — sucked, especially the first two years. Not because of anything political, or anything specific I could put my finger on. It just seemed like Murphy’s Law, in all its variations, reared its head at every opportunity. Beginning on New Years Day 2000, as I was returning the videos we’d watched the night before, there just seemed to be this vague unsettling feeling of things being out of whack or somehow “not right.” That general sense of unease, that “off on the wrong foot” feeling, pretty much summed up 2000 and 2001.

As far as politics were concerned — I voted for Gore in 2000 but I didn’t feel that strongly about it. I knew nothing about George W. Bush, and he was pretending to be a moderate. And Gore did more flipflopping and personality changing than any candidate I’d ever seen. So I voted for Gore, but I figured it wouldn’t make much difference who won. When they started having all those delays and snafus and recounts after Election Day, I was just wishing they’d hurry the fuck up and pick somebody and get on with it.

After the 9/11 attacks, I even candidly admitted to a few people (I’ll probably get shot for this) that I was glad we had a Republican in the White House. I didn’t turn against Bush until the summer of 2002 when he and Cheney went on this nationwide barnstorming tour to drum up hysteria about Iraq. It was a shrewd slick calibrated political campaign, and the public fell hook line and sinker for it. It didn’t help that the Democrats pretty much stood around with their thumbs up their yinyangs, basically saying either “Yeah, me too, I think” or “gee, uh, I don’t think so.”

Sometime around then, Bill Clinton gave a speech telling Democrats that the public would rather have a leader who’s “strong and wrong” than right and spineless. And the Democrats proved his point by getting voted out of office in droves in the 2002 election. And we all know the rest.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas From the U.S. Senate

The United States Senate has bestowed the Best Ever Christmas gift on the American people: Health insurance for all of us. Well, some. But at least it’s a done deal. Er, probably. Maybe.

Finally, we’ll have a government-paid health insurance option for those who have been, oh, ahem, I mean, well, we’ve got that huge Medicare expansion that even Joe LIEbermann was in favor — oops, scratch that.

OK, but if an insurance company places limits on how much medical care a patient can receive, those limits have to be “reasonable.” And any insurance company that denies coverage because of a pre-existing condition — well, they’ll get a stern talking-to. And if they do it again, they’ll get an even harsher reprimand, and this time they’ll get glared at and everything.

But hey, this is just a first draft. After all, look at how fast this bill went blitzing through Congress. After a mere ten months of debating, shouting, lying, namecalling, orchestrated “demonstrations” arranged by HMOs — Presto! We’ve got a health care reform bill. Whew! Any faster and our heads would be spinning.

Yes, this magic Christmas present looked a lot better before we unwrapped it. Batteries not included. Warranty invalid in the following fifty states…

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Idiocracy

I finally got around to renting this movie, after being urged by fellow bloggers.

It’s a science fiction comedy (I guess that’s what you’d call it). It shows the nightmare society we’ll be devolving into if we keep getting dumbed down and stupefied, generation after generation.

Two American soldiers are “volunteered” for an experiment that goes awry, and they wake up five hundred years in the future. They find themselves in a dumbed down dystopia that’s just too stupid for words.

Before the “plot” starts, a narrator is warning us about the dangers we’re all facing if stupid people keep having jillions of kids while smarter people are having fewer children or none at all. An affluent articulate couple is being interviewed, saying they want to wait a few years before bringing a child into the world. Then the camera pans to a trailer full of screaming obnoxious kids, and the toothless beer-bellied redneck husband is yelling “Shit, you’re pregnant again?!? Ain’t there some sort of, uh, pills you’re s’pposed to be takin’??”

When we get to the year 2505, the mass stupidity is overpowering, funny and nauseating at the same time. But how far-fetched is this? Today’s dumbed-down inbreds are almost as scary. If you haven’t seen this video of Sarah Palin supporters being interviewed (it‘s gone all around the intertubes), you need to torture yourself for a few minutes. Remember, if it doesn’t destroy you it’ll make you stronger.

Or what about the thousands of dumbfucks (that’s billions if you watch Fox News) that go out demonstrating and protesting and shouting on behalf of insurance company profits? They’re all riled up against those atheist treehugging commies who are trying to fix the health care crisis. Rightwing think tanks and lobbyists have actually brainwashed and mobilized a bunch of inbred retards to demonstrate against their own interests and to hate the people who are trying to help them.

As funny as the movie is — in that sick way — it might not take anywhere near five hundred years for this dumbed down dystopia to happen.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Traitor John Boehner Hates The Troops

Weepin’ Woody “John” Boehner is threatening to withhold emergency funding for the troop surge in Afghanistan. Don’t worry, he didn’t suddenly grow an IQ and start questioning why we’re still in Afghanistan after eight years of flailing.

Obama is planning to move some of the Gitmo prisoners to an under-used maximum security prison in Thomson, Illinois. This has provided still another burning issue for rightwing demagogues to get their inbreds all riled up about.

For people whose IQs are HIGHER than their shoe sizes, Judge Royce Lamberth offers a bit of perspective. At a meeting of the American Bar Association, he told his audience that American street gangs are more deadly than most of the Gitmo prisoners.

He said: “The gangs are more murderous, I think, than some of these people at Guantanamo. They've certainly killed their share of witnesses here.”

It’s too bad the American public has been so dumbed down — and I mean DUMBED DOOOOWWWWNN!!! — that such a simple common-sense obvious fact needed to be spelled out.

What exactly is the “my mommy and daddy are first cousins” brigade so scared of? Let’s say one of those icky Muslim furriners gets acquitted — or escapes — in the small remote town of Thomson, IL. OK, so here’s Hassan al-Habib walking along, completely unnoticed. And now he’s making a beeline for the nearest airport. Oh My God, he’s just hijacked a plane, and he’s careening toward a skyscraper with it!!!!

To paraphrase an old saying, you can never overestimate people’s paranoia. And when you combine that paranoia with stupidity, you get — well, you get a huge huuuge following for Rush O’Hannity and Weepin’ Woody.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Oil and Coal Industries Can’t Get Their Message Out

Why isn’t this working??? Fox News is dutifully bombarding its Inbred Battalion with the same talking points every day. Global warming is a myth! Obama is trying to RUIN the economy by Taking Over The Government!!!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Bush Administration: The Missing E-Mails

Computer technicians have found 22 million “lost” e-mails from the Bush White House. The discovery was announced by Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) and the National Security Archive.

Melanie Sloan of CREW said: “We may never discover the full story of what happened here. It seems like they just didn't want the e-mails preserved.”

She also said that finding the 22 million “missing” e-mails “gives us confirmation that the Bush administration lied when they said no e-mails were missing.”

The mainstream “media” is pretending they don’t know what’s in these e-mails. But this exclusive report reveals a few excerpts that have been leaked:

“…Karl, how’d you do it? Gore could think and talk circles around me, and we kicked his ass. And of course our buds on the supreme court. Now Uncle Dickie has to take Tony Scalia on that duck hunting trip like he promised him…”

“…Are you sure we can pull off this stunt with the World Trade Center? Tell them a bunch of Arabs with box-cutters overpowered all the flight attendants and security guards and hijacked several planes at the same time? It’s too risky. What if it doesn’t work, and what if the public doesn’t believe us?”

“George, did you read up on the Reichstag Fire like I told you to? It’s all in there. Just don’t worry about it, we’ve got it under control. You just practice staring at My Pet Goat with that befuddled facial expression you do so well, and we‘ll handle the rest…”

“I’m gonna get rid of that fuckin’ Saddam Hussein, I don’t care what I have to do. For once I’ll beat my Daddy at something, and then Mommy will love me again and maybe she’ll take me back…”

“Do we have a legitimate reason to invade Iraq? No. Do we want to invade Iraq and topple Saddam Hussein? Yes. If we make up some ridiculous story about weapons of mass destruction, will the public be gullible enough to fall for it? Yes.”

“Karl, how’d you do it? John Kerry a decorated war hero and me a chickenhawk, I just knew I was gonna be a one termer just like my pencilneck daddy. I didn’t have a prayer and you saved me again.”

“Hey Electrodes, heh heh, mind if I call you that, that’s what they’re calling you on the internet. Hey, what was that joke you were telling, something about what did the spreadeagled Iraqi prisoner yell out when they zapped his peepee?”

“I don’t remember.”

That’s all the leaks for now. There’s certain to be a lot more of them.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Obama’s Reform Agenda: Batting .500

I’m only talking about the financial industry overhaul and health insurance reform, since those are the two main reform bills that have already been voted on.

Reining in Wall Street: a Base Hit! This bill still has to survive a Senate vote and that probably won’t be until next year. But the financial overhaul bill made it through the House. This bill creates a new agency to protect consumers from sleazy banking tactics. Republicans tried but failed to delete this new agency from the bill.

The bill also gives the government the authority to break up large “too big to fail” companies whose failure would take everybody else down with them.

And just today, Obama had some harsh words for the Wall Street Marie Antoinettes who’ve been lobbying (using OUR tax dollars!) against any kind of financial reform. He told those flaming douchebags to take their greed and contempt and shove it up their fuckin’ asses so hard it’ll get jammed in their throats. (I’m paraphrasing.)

He criticized banks that received trillion-dollar taxpayer handouts and are now “fighting tooth and nail with their lobbyists” to prevent financial reform. He said the economy is just now starting to recover from the “irresponsibility” of Wall Street firms that “gambled on risky loans and complex financial products” and almost took the whole country down with them when they lost. He said “It was, as some have put it, risk management without the management.”

Obama also told 60 Minutes (his interview is supposed to be broadcast tomorrow night): “The people on Wall Street still don't get it. ... They're still puzzled why it is that people are mad at the banks. Well, let's see. You guys are drawing down $10, $20 million bonuses after America went through the worst economic year ... in decades and you guys caused the problem.”

I didn’t think you could water down something that’s already been diluted beyond recognition. But our prostitutes in the Senate — under strict orders from their johns in the insurance industry — managed to find a way.

Several days ago, when the Senate FINALLY came up with SOMETHING, I was relieved. Sure the bill was disappointing. It sucked. But after months of arguing and nitpicking about everything from abortion to death panels to the end of America's "Freedom!" — they finally agreed on something.

And then a mysterious amendment was “discovered” in the bill. Nobody knew how it got there. They were mystified. Shocked! Hidden in a section entitled “No Lifetime or Annual Limits” was an innocuous little sentence allowing insurance companies to place annual financial limits on a patient’s health care, as long as these limits are “not unreasonable.”

Aw heck, that shouldn’t be a problem. Insurance companies being unreasonable???

And the Senate prostitutes are all completely dumbfounded. “Huh. How’d that get in there?” Sort of like a bunch of 6th graders throwing spitballs and paper airplanes when the teacher’s back is turned. And when the teacher turns around, they’re all wide-eyed and “who, me?”

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Uganda-Gate

The plot keeps thickening. First it was just one of those wacky news items. One of the world’s most brutal violent countries is just about to start executing people for the crime of being gay. And there would also be a huge jail sentence for knowing that a person is gay and not reporting him/her to the authorities.

And then other stories started surfacing. Some of America’s sickest sickfucks were actually “behind” this new law in Uganda. And then the meaning of “behind” kept changing. First it just meant the snakehandlers were in favor of this new law — green with envy that finally, somewhere, political correctness would be pushed aside and Jesus would prevail.

And then “behind” started meaning that some of America’s nastiest Salem Witchhunters had actually traveled to Uganda and pushed and prodded and lobbied for them to pass this law. And the Who’s Who of Biblefucks just keeps growing.

Remember, Watergate started out as just a “third rate burglary” which was completely unauthorized by those in power. The Nixon Administration was just shocked — Shocked! — that a few gung go stupid underlings could have gotten so carried away; could have so blatantly misunderstood their instructions.

And pretty soon we had the Watergate coverup. And then the coverup of the coverup. And the coverup to cover up the coverup…

And now Ugandagate is growing and spreading its tentacles deeper and deeper into the American Conservative Biblehump Racist community. More and more wingtards who have publicly expressed “regret” and “shock” and “well, I agree with them but I would never go THAT far” are being implicated.

Here’s a partial list of America’s retarded hate-spewing Taliban wannabes who are trying to export the 14th century Spanish Inquisition to 21st century Africa:

Scott Lively, a preacher and the author of The Pink Swastika, which “warns” of the Homosexual Agenda and their plan to take over the world. An Episcopal minister from Zambia has described Scott Lively’s book as: "The U.S. culture wars have been exported to Africa.“

Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe has taken at least twenty “missionary” trips overseas, using military transport and paid for by American taxpayers. Most of these trips have been to Uganda. The Bible-groveling Rick Warren and Senators Sam Brownback and Tom Coburn are also involved to a lesser extent (so far).

Monday, December 07, 2009

Millions Attending Sarah Palin’s Book Signings

As usual, the leftwing lamestream media is under-reporting and downplaying the attendance at Sarah Palin’s recent book-signings. Her public gatherings have been attended by MILLIONS of patriotic Americans who believe in God and Hard Work and Freedom and the Christian values that made America the great nation she is today.

The liberal media is trying to tell us that “several hundred” people attended Sarah’s book-signing in Iowa over the weekend. Commie liars!

And speaking of Sarah Palin — one of the umpteen colleges she attended was in Hawaii. She only stayed there for one semester because the presence of “too many Asians” made her feel uncomfortable. But she could see Tahiti from her dorm.

In other news, the GOP has now become a third party. Literally. In a question about a hypothetical election, respondents were asked which party they’d choose. The three choices were: Democrat, Republican or the Tea Party candidate (even though there’s no such party).

36% said Democrat; 23% said Tea Party and 18% said Republican. Going, going...

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Republican “Public Option” Gimmick

Two of the dullest tools in the shed — Senators Tom Coburn and David Vitter — have offered an amendment that’s supposed to derail the public option. Their amendment would require all members of Congress to register for public health care if the public option becomes law.

The theory was that those elitist Democrats would be afraid to actually use this lowly socialized health program themselves, since they’re only pushing it for the riffraff.

Surprise! So far, Senators Sherrod Brown, Chris Dodd, Al Franken and Barbara Mikulski have added their names as cosponsors of the amendment.

Aetna has — unintentionally of course — just come forward with an excellent case for health coverage reform. As much blood money as Aetna “earned” in 2009, they realize they can “earn” even more next year. All they have to do is raise their premiums even higher and throw 650,000 sick people onto the garbage heap.

Aetna CEO Ron Williams said:

“The pricing we put in place for 2009 turned out to not really be what we needed to achieve the results and margins that we had historically been delivering. We view 2010 as a repositioning year, a year that does not fully reflect the earnings potential of our business. Our pricing actions should have a noticeable effect beginning in the first quarter of 2010, with additional financial impact realized during the remaining three quarters of the year.”

With millions of angry, desperate, armed and dangerous Americans out there, why isn’t this pukebag in somebody’s crosshairs?

And now let’s hear it for Comcast. They may be one of the villains on other issues (i.e. Net Neutrality), but they’re on the public’s side when it comes to health care reform.

Comcast CEO Brian Roberts has sent Obama a letter saying “enactment of comprehensive health care reform legislation is, in my judgment, critical to putting this country on a path of sustained growth and prosperity.”

Supposedly a lot of large employers are in favor of health care reform since it’ll reduce their own expenses. Let’s hope more of these companies start coming out publicly in favor of it.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Erik Prince — VICTIM

These are tough times for conservatives. For some unfathomable reason, they’re all victims. Nobody knows why, but anyway...

They’re constantly being distorted and ridiculed and misquoted by the liberal media, even though that liberal media is owned and controlled by some of the world’s most powerful corporations.

Christians of course are persecuted mercilessly in their own country — a Christian Nation! This year’s War on Christmas promises to be more wicked than ever, what with that Kenyan Muslim terrorist in the White House and all.

He founded Blackwater in 1997. Business got really good during the post-9/11 hysteria. But after Blackwater mowed down those savages in Iraq two years ago, that pansy leftwing media started whining and handwringing, and they blew the whole tiny incident way out of proportion.

Last February Prince changed the company’s name to Xe, thinking that would erase all of the infamy and controversy created by Blackwater.

Erik Prince is comparing his persecution and victimhood to that of Valerie Plame. Damn right! Take a look at some of the parallels here:

They were both born into incredibly wealthy families. They both think fetuses are sacred and that once you’re born you have no purpose whatsoever. They both went to Iraq for the purpose of killing civilians in cold blood…

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Jobs, Stupid!

Later this week, Obama is expected to take a short break from playing Hamster-In-A-Treadmill with his health reform battle. There’s another even more urgent fire that needs to be put out — the 10% Plus (and climbing) unemployment rate.

There’ll be a jobs forum at the White House this Thursday. People taking part in the forum include: Google CEO Eric Schmidt, Disney CEO Bob Iger, economists Joseph Stiglitz and Paul Krugman and various labor leaders.

Let’s hope he listens to Paul Krugman in particular. His November 29th column has some good advice for Obama.

He says Obama needs to create an “emergency jobs program.” Instead of passing another gargantuan stimulus package and then waiting and waiting for something to trickle down, Obama needs a “somewhat cheaper program that generates more jobs for the buck.”

Federal aid to state and local governments should accomplish this. At the very least it would prevent vital services — and jobs — from being eliminated. He also should create a smaller-scale version of FDR’s Works Progress Administration (WPA). This would create a lot of jobs (even if they’re low-paying) at relatively low cost. According to the Economic Policy Institute, spending $40 billion a year for three years would create a million jobs.

The Economic Policy Institute also recommends a tax credit for employers who increase their payrolls.

His column ends with “Yes, we can create more jobs — and yes, we should.”

Obama is in a tough position. The Right hates him because he’s just seconds away from imposing a Socialist Communist Fascist police state on this once-free nation. And the Left hates him because he hasn’t done jack shit.

In a related story, forty percent of Democrats say they aren’t going to bother voting in the 2010 election. Democratic political leaders are still a lot more popular with the public than their Republican counterparts. But with Republican voters three times more likely than Democrats to vote next year — things could get interesting.

But there’s still hope. Maybe the Republican Purity Test will get those moderate centrist RINOs out of their “big tent” once and for all. Get that spineless pussy Newt Gingrich out of the party and replace him with a Real American. Republican voters: if the Republican candidate isn't far enough to the Right for you, vote for a third party candidate. That'll show 'em!