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In which i discuss blogging competition

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I’ve never been a girl’s girl. Of course, I know women and hang out with them but big groups of women have never been my thing. Instead, I’ve always had a best friend or at the very least, a few really good friends.

I’ve also never mixed and matched my friends so I never hung out with one friend group. When I lived in New York I had different friends that I did different things with. For example, one friend might be someone I partied with but I might have just hung out and had wine with another friend. So, yeah this whole “sisterhood” thing isn’t something that I’m really familiar with.

They started a sorority when I was in college but by then I was entering my senior year and I had no desire to join it. I was on the swim team but once again, there weren’t that many girls on the team and I mostly hung out with the boys.

I’ve always been more comfortable with men. You know where you stood with them. There weren’t any games or stabbing people in the back going on. With men, the competition is obvious because they’re either competing or beating the shit out of each other. If they don’t like you it’s fairly obvious.

Women are different. They can smile to your face and stab you in the back. They can pretend to be supportive and have an entirely different agenda.

Which brings me to blogging. While there doesn’t seem to me to be much money in the blogosphere, there sure is a hell of a lot of competition to get what little there is. At least, that’s the only way that I can explain why some people are willing to climb all over other people to get more readership.

When you first start blogging, one of the things you learn is that you should “read” other blogs and leave comments and then they’ll go to your blog and read your posts; tit for tat basically. I tried this for a short time, found it incredibly boring, and quit. It’s not that many “posts” weren’t interesting; it’s just that I didn’t care. It’s not a lack of time as it is for some people but very frankly just an incredible lack of desire.

At this point in my life, I read WHAT I want and what’s interesting. Has that helped my blogging? No, it hasn’t. I discovered when I quit reading other blogs that they quit reading mine too. That’s ok. I don’t really have an agenda so whatever.

However, many women are working the blogging world in a major way. Guest posts, link ups, there are many ways to expand your readership. When you do a link up you are supposed to go look at the other links; its just common courtesy. If you go to the other links and leave a comment, how can that be interpreted as anything other than being supportive?

Well, I know of at least one case where the person was “scolded” because it was felt she was trying to poach the readership of said link up. Poaching? In blogging? If it weren’t so ridiculous it would be hilarious.

What have we come to when we start looking at comments as poaching and worrying about this person or that person “stealing” our readers? First, can’t people read more than one blog? And second, what about support? What about sharing? What about hoping that somebody else is successful?

Why does one persons success only mean something if they “beat” someone else? Does it really matter if you have more followers than me? Followers can be bought and very frankly, it’s all a bunch of shit.

Long ago I espoused that I wasn’t going to follow people just because they followed me. Just because you read my stuff doesn’t mean I want to read your stuff. It has nothing to do with whether I “Like” you or not? I can like you and still not want to read about your kids, or your life, or your views.

I once pointed out to my children that society looked at winning at losing in the wrong way. If there are 10 people in a race and 1 person wins, are the other 9 losers? Not in my book because sometimes its about a personal best. Sometimes its about personal ACHIEVEMENT!

So ladies out there. Why don’t you just try to set your own personal goals and be happy and successful within that framework? If your goal is to be “bigger” or “better” than another blogger, you’re selling yourself short. Only by being yourself and trying to achieve within your own framework can you make yourself happy.

The rest is bullshit. BULLSHIT I tell you. This is my opinion and I’m sticking to it. I can do that because my only goal is to be AUTHENTIC.

“I can like you and still not want to read about your kids” <– that right there is my sentiment, EXACTLY.
It's a crazy world, this blogsphere. Totally effing insane.Lady Estrogen recently posted..‘Cos I’m a model, ya know what I mean

I’m a big fan of “following,” but it’s not so people will follow me back. It’s because I like seeing my face all over the blogosphere…I’m vain like that. Whatever.
But I so get this! This is my pet peeve: follow, don’t follow, I don’t care. However, don’t UNFOLLOW me when you see that I’m not at your effin blog everytime you post something new. To reitirate what Lady E quoted from you “I can like you and still not want to read about your kids”!
Great post and good for you for having the balls to write it. So many wouldn’t for fear of upsetting the blogger status quo…I don’t even know what that means, I just felt like using “status quo” in a sentence.

I knew this was you just from the comment :-) Thanks for pointing me to this blog post – I completely agree – when I actively tried to get readers by going to other sites, I just ended up feeling inadequate about my own site. Now I just read the ones that make me happy… :-D

I don’t always follow people who follow me, and I also follow people who don’t follow me. I certainly don’t beat myself up about followers or about commenting. I read what I like when I like, and often go through phases of preferring some blogs and then moving onto others.

I think some people get a wee bit obsessed about their blogs. If that’s their thing, great, but not everyone is like that or cares what shit others do. Live and let live, as they say.

I’m also with you on the women thing. I hate big groups of women, they can be so unpleasant and bitchy to each other and I don’t want to be involved in their tight-arse crap.Sarah recently posted..Looking back at my first ever post

On the upside, the chance of our lives crossing had it not been for the blogosphere are slim to none … so thank you blogosphere for bringing my sweet, yes, sweet but snarky friend. As for the other bs, I read a variety of blogs because I really like them, no other reason … there is even a cloth diapering Mama I read because she is funny, and really the next person to need diapering in this house is probably my husband ;)By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..The Perfect Crime

Rock on, sista! I feel exactly the same way. I read what I want when I have the desire to do so. I really don’t care if you read my shit…that’s not why I write it. I write it for ME! And I know you do, too. That’s why you are a SuperGal!

I hate women too, I mean bloggers, well not all bloggers, I love you….LOL But I’m with you, I’d love to had success blogging but my vision of success doesn’t include loads of money and “stalking” or a “following” This is a great post Lynn, I shared it everywhere so your readership will grow…lol

Great post and I couldn’t agree more. I just want to keep it real and I know that some will not even look at my blog but I am okay with that!! I blog mostly for me but also for my readers who need to now that they are not alone.Charlene recently posted..Just a Thought for Pour Your Heart Out

Followed you here from a link on Twitter. All I can really say is that just as in life, there are pockets of good in the blogosphere and pockets of negativity. It sounds as though you at one point experienced the negative part. It is a lot of work to read and follow and comment, and it’s especially a chore when there no relationship exists between two bloggers except for that. But when there is a meaningful relationship based on concepts similar to a friendship: similar interests, trust, mutual respect, the two bloggers perfectly understand when one of them can’t stop by every day to comment. This also comes with a certain maturity level in dealing with folk on the Interwebs. Sometimes, we just gotta walk away from someone else’s drama.

actually, i have never really experienced that stuff. This happened to a friend of mine. For me personally, i get plenty of hate but i truly don’t give a shit. After all, i’ve been pissing people off for 52 years and i really don’t see myself changing now.

great post. i agree. life is too short to be hating on each other because of blogs. people just need to learn to laugh more and not take the little things so seriously.alaina recently posted..Wish List.

I’m so glad you’ve said this. In my short time blogging again, I’ve witnessed some of the kinds of things you’ve mentioned at it just boggles my mind. I happen to read your blog not because I want you to read mine, but because I find yours interesting. I comment so that you know I’m here and I can give you a piece of my mind about what you’ve written. If you happen to like my response and then happen to find my blog, and happen to start reading it, great — but no expectations here.

Love. Love. Love this post…and I more than 100 % agree with you on every single point you make. Women terrify me, they always have. I have met some really awesome women in the blog world as well though, just like real life you just have to filter through the crap.

i’ve met some great people too! I just hate all the stupid games to be honest. This didn’t actually happen to me but to someone i know.

Melanie

December 9, 2011

Great post. I am extremely blessed in that I let go of all the competitive, catty women and surround myself only with amazing women who like themselves. It has made my world a much better place to be. I’m sure the blogosphere, much like everywhere else, has its share of, “Hey, I need ALL the attention” folks. Don’t let it get you down. I think of that and think it’s the reason why even though I want to start a blog, I haven’t. I have so much to share that even if it helps one person, will be worth it. So you know what? Tomorrow I’m starting my blog darnit. I got rid of Facebook, Twitter, and all of that stuff when I realized it caused me more stress than it was bringing me joy. If the blog does that, I’ll do the same with IT.

Don’t let the icky folks get you down. Focus on the good ones. And make a ton of fun of the icky ones! :)

well, the story wasn’t actually about me…i have a struck non-compete policy in place in regards to others. I was just commenting on the bullshit attitude of OTHER women. Thanks for reading and commenting…

Well, I don’t come over here all the time, but I do read all your posts, I’m pretty sure. This one really hit home with me because I agree. I don’t compete for people’s following. If you follow, yeah. If you don’t, I don’t think about it much at all. I follow, read and comment when and where I want to and that’s probably pissed some people off. Oh well. I love blogging and seriously love many of the blogs and bloggers I’ve come across….but quite frankly, I’m just not interested in some of the subject matter. Probably because I’m 58 and my kids are grown and I’m a long-distance grandma so not much hands-on. I’m selfish and I’m gay (that’s why I don’t get much visitors, but if that’s why, they can kiss my ass). What I like is humor and intelligence. Keep me laughing and keep me informed and I’ll come back. That’s what I try to do over at my place, but with school and this effing job hunt, I can’t always do it. OK I’ll shut up now. I concur. That is all.

Lynn, I’m a lot like you, not a girl’s girl (minus the humor, lol). I can’t handle the back-stabbing shit; the drama; the conniving, etc., and so would much rather deal with men, because at least you know where you stand!

I’m competitive with myself and have goals for my blog but I don’t compare myself with others because I’ve made it my life’s ambition to be WHO I AM and people will like me (and what I write) or not.Pamela D Hart recently posted..An Organized Pack Rat & An Early Old Gift

I started out with the tit for tat mentality. I followed/comment on their stuff and they would follow/comment on mine. 3 years later, I don’t do it and I can tell who my “real” online friends are.

I’ve got a Twitter account I can barely use because it’s clogged with so much junk, bloggers promoting other people’s posts/blogs just because the other person tweeted theirs. What I want to see is stuff they are truly interested in, not some constant stream of never-ending marketing tweets. I’m all about sharing with my followers but I only share good stuff I find interesting now. It gives my readers insight into my interests and hopefully they’ll find some of it useful, interesting or funny like I do.

But it seems to get them the paid gigs so I guess it works for them. Guess I’ll have to be satisfied with making beans on my blog but oh well! It is what it is!

yeah…i really like when something INTERESTING goes by on Twitter. I like reading interesting posts…but i agree, people who are just “i’ll RT you if you RT me” aren’t for me. This blog isn’t a big blog and probably never will be but as long as it’s fun i’ll keep doing it.

Jody here, Kiwi living in Oakland (yes!) Came through Sarah in France. I’ve never read a post that addresses all these issues which I’ve thought about for so long. Good on you! One thing is that a lot of bloggers in the US are not terribly honest, it’s all baking cookies with their kids kind of stuff. I’ve thought about linking and having guest post but then I feel quite exhausted. I see you have 51 comments though so you’re totally on the right track – how very refreshing!

I am fairly new to blogging. Have had mine up for three months and love writing my crazy-ass stories. I have struggled with the whole concept of gaining readership. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, but at the same time, I feel like I put so much time and effort into my blog, I’d love to have more than 3 people reading it (who all happen to be illiterate and from a remote island off the coast of Fiji.)

I love your message about just being genuine and authentic. And I do agree that people shouldn’t get all “you are cheating on me with another blog.”

It’s nice for a change to read a post ABOUT blogging and all the shit it brings up.Gwendolyn Francis recently posted..Tits for Tots

what are the ODDS of having 3 illiterate people from Fiji read your blog? I mean really? All i can say is have patience and …. well that’s all. I started out by harassing my friends. All that stat counting shit will drive you up the wall and .. if you think you’re funny, send in a guest post for “go ahead, amuse me”

Sarah :)

December 9, 2011

According to her most recent post, she’s pretty darn funny. I’ve even offered to do volunteer work for her fabulous charity. Check it out…it’s one of the best reasons I’ve found to fill your bra with money!

i wanted to but all the ponies i have available are unridable for some reason. I don’t even understand it myself. and why is this not an email so i can copy and paste this into a post. Jesus…you’re screwing me up here. Ooops…forgot it was your birthday. One pony in the mail

Sarah :)

December 9, 2011

Wow, there are alot of comments today!! It really was a good post…even if it wasn’t all about how you were wishing me a fabulous birthday! (Was that an attempt at poaching birthday greetings? Yes, yes it was.) The internet has its uses, and I’m glad that it has produced some hilarious emails between us. I’m also glad that it brought me to my next stalking victim: Sandra. She is mother truckin’ funny! However, drama for drama’s sake is simply ridiculi (that’s the official plural tense of “ridiculous”…when more than one ridiculous thing is happening at a time.) I’m feeling all ADD trying to acknowledge all of the witty comments you’re getting about this post, so I’m going to stop here. After, of course, I wish you as much success as the most successful person that you consider successful. And as far as being authentic…you are already more successful than most Tex-Mex restaurants…so congratulations!

wait!! HOld the presses!! it’s your birthday? the ONLY reason i put up this post today was because i didn’t know it was anybody’s birthday.

Boy did i fuck up!!!

the emails are great…you are supply me with blog posts even though you’re not a “blogger”

sweet…and HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Sarah :)

December 9, 2011

You’re SO forgiven! Especially since by ignoring my birthday, you’ve managed to bring such a good message and get all of this awesome feedback. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make, as long as I get props for being so selfless and thoughtful of others. I’ll expect my trophy to arrive in the next 7-10 business days.

I’m one of the laid-back bloggers who doesn’t worry about whether people follow me or not. It is fun to have people to comment to, but I don’t stress that more people aren’t “discovering” me, because I write for myself.

I, too, only read and comment on blogs that interest me or where I feel that I can make a contribution or a funny to a post. I don’t care if the person I follow comes to my blog, that’s not why I do it. But I do see other people who do this, and I think it’s a shame that they let themselves get stressed over it. If it’s stressful, why do it?

I also find other blogs that I like through comments, so I usually visit blogs that are new to me, and if I like two or more of their posts, I keep coming back. Sometimes I weed out the ones who don’t blog more than once every few months, simply because it doesn’t behoove me to go back there every day hoping for some funny.

Blogging has become a form of social life for me. I like getting to know others through their thoughts, and I don’t have to go to their house to do so. Some people are more honest this way, because they aren’t speaking to someone in person and can say what they really mean. I find the whole process rather fascinating.

I haven’t checked in on your blog in a while. There. Guilty. I’m OK with it. You are OK with it. It’s life and it gets in the way. I used to be on top of it all…I walked away. Screw it. When things became ugly in my personal life…the bloggy world held my hand…when things leveled out and I refused to talk about the ugly…the bloggy world walked away. I’m not here to provide a trainwreck…so I walked away.
I love what you say. I love how you say it. I will still visit you. I probably won’t comment. I will still read you though.

I’m so glad you’re back…I saw your twitter handle the other day and I thought about you. You DID have a sucky year. Some people like to be there to help people and others dump people when they’re down. Then, some people help you so they can feel better than you.

It’s all pretty fucked up actually…so, I’m glad you survived. I’m glad you’re doing better and THANKS for taking the time to comment. Hope all goes better moving forward :)

I’ve not seen a lot of reader-poaching (and am happy to have avoided it. who has time for that?) but what I do see, and this *does* piss me off, is IDEA poaching. It’s one thing to be inspired to write about something based on a post or comment you’ve read, or a thread going by on your Twitter stream, and then write about it. Totally cool. It happens all the time. But what’s uncool is to a)take a fellow blogger’s post and basically write the same post yourself, in your “voice”, or b) write about something and not just have the common courtesy to say, “hey, I was reading comments on this post about sheepherding on X blog, and it got me thinking about…”

But I can only feel sorry for people that pull those types of shenanigans, because obviously, they can’t generate creative ideas of their own.

And yeah, once you stop reading blogs, it’s amazing how many people stop reading yours. :) Thankfully, I feel like my close blogging friends and I have an unspoken thing – it’s all good if you don’t read my blog anymore, dude – our relationship is much deeper than being defined by leaving a comment. :)

Hey! I totally agree with you about poaching ideas. I don’t actually think that readers are poachable either which is why I thought it was so ridiculous.

I read your blog when I see a link that goes by that looks interesting. For me, it’s all about the mood I’m in and what I see go by. I don’t even read my own stuff once I write it and often have to check back and see what’s posted that day (yeah, I’m THAT far ahead with posts)

Our relationship is SO MUCH DEEPER…hahahaha…thanks for reading, commenting and tweeting this post…I’m always shocked when people respond :)))

Lindsay

December 9, 2011

And with that, I would like to start reading your blog. Because I like this. A lot.

I am tired and perhaps a little loopy, because I am trying to figure out the “poaching readers” mentality. I would hope that the (extremely limited amount of) people who read my blog couldn’t be “poached”. Does it involve dart guns?

I totally agree. I always see people with hundreds of followers and I’m jealous (kinda) but I do blog hops and visit others. If I visit and they catch my attention, I subscribe via email. I don’t understand how something that started out personal and for fun ended up being dog eat dog. Oh well, that’s life. I am happy with who follow me and I am writing for myself.

Your last line…”You should try it some time” is the only thing that sort of ticked me off. I HAVE tried to be authentic, and much like you, I don’t put up with the crap that goes on in the blogisphere. I write because I like to. I have a blog because it’s a great way to improve my writing. That’s about as big as it gets.Name * recently posted..Walking the Mayan Straight Line

That’s okay, Lynn. I understand. I guess I didn’t feel like being thrown under a fast moving bus with the inauthentic bunch. I totally understand your feelings about women in groups…picking friends for different reasons…and finding men easier to commune with. I also find there is a lot of games being played in blogging. I once stopped following a blogger and immediately received an email wondering what he’d done wrong and why I’d cancelled my subscription to his blog. I didn’t like that one bit. I also have received emails wondering why I haven’t commented on their posts lately. Extremely annoying. I only read posts (and comment) if I think the writer has something to say. Sorry if I came off too strong. Would hate for you to incur the wrath of a rabid Annie Off Leash who is late on her distemper shot!

Lynn, thanks for your feedback/advice to me a million comments ago re: being a new blogger and thanks for checking out my blog. If I get up the courage *nervous cough* I will do as you suggest and send you something as a potential guest post *anxious jaw clenching.* Anywho, sorry I was a po-hoe w/ Sarah and I hope you will still consider joining our great cause for the children Tits for Tots.
All the best,
GF

I really like your non-BS style, Lynn, which is why I do read your blog…. occasionally, I admit (and I know it doesn’t bother you, yay). Life caught up with me and the tit for tat mentality that used to possess me, has finally left town. Now, I just read and comment on blogs I like, and the rest, I read if I have the time.

I don’t care about my stats at all and I don’t really care to expand my readership enough to poach readers or ideas. I know who my real bloggy friends/ readers are, and I know that even if they don’t read/ comment on every single post, it’s cool. And vice versa.

I only do link ups/ writing prompts if it interests me. And yes, I did host a huge link up recently with another blogger, but only because I loved the idea, not because I thought I’d get sponsors or more readers (I did not).

So all that is to say, I blog for me, I do the stuff I do online just because I like it, not because I’m trying to impress anyone. I do hate the cattiness I see, the one upmanship etc. It sucks, and I stay well out of it. Why can’t we all just get along?Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Memories Captured Recap and Winner of Canvas Press Photo Print!

Hmm..I’m a fairly new blogger, and it’s interesting how many unwritten rules there are to blogging etiquette. I follow most people who follow me (or even just leave a comment, regardless of following), as long as I think I can relate to their blog a little. Then when they post new stuff, it shows up on my reader and I’ll know whether or not I want to click on it and read the whole post. To me, it’s not a matter of “I’ll only go to your blog if you comment on my post” tit-for-tat, but that if I don’t follow your blog, I will most definitely lose track of it in the blogosphere. I figure that if someone is cool enough to leave me a comment, I can at least check their stuff out. And if they like my humor, there’s a good chance I’ll like theirs.

That being said, if someone tries to lay pressure on me to check their stuff out or else they’ll stop reading my blog, well they can go eff themselves. The important aspect of it to me is that there’s no EXPECTATIONS that i MUST do something (comment back, follow back, etc).Mayor Gia recently posted..Christmas Polar Bear

Well, I occasionally check put people who comment depending on my mood. I just figure that reading blogs is a choice. I try to respond to comments but beyond that, no guarantees. I just don’t feel like reading about a lot of stuff.

I caught this link from Absolutely Narcissism and I love the post. I did all of that too for a while until blogging as a creative outlet started feeling like a JOB. An unpaid one! I am picking up what you’re putting down, sister.

Still, I think we all use commentluv and post our links hoping that someone will happen upon us, like happened today. :-)

Valid point on comment love. I got it because I read that people like you to have it on your blog and when I do read an interesting comment I do like to check further.

Thanks for comment ms. Onion!

Lisa Victoria

December 13, 2011

Well said. As are many of your meanderings. Don’t bother looking at my blog, I like you anyway. Not really trying to “gain readership” WTF is that, I mean really?? It sure doesn’t line my pockets with cash…I only want to make beatiful things even if nobody cares.
Thanks for making your beautiful things too, and for putting them out there.
:)
LV