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Saturday, December 16, 2006

Or Maybe It's Not the Glasses

I have started wearing my glasses out at night.

I'm farsighted, so I wear glasses to read or when I'm on the computer. Basically, I wear them all day at work, but since I can see everything without them, I never used to wear them when I didn't have to.

The thing about being farsighted, at least for me, is that I can choose when to focus my eyes and when not to. But if I'm tired, I have to work to focus without my glasses. About a month ago I had a plan to meet friends out at Local 16. I was tired, and I couldn't be bothered to try to look nice. I certainly didn't feel like working to focus. And so I decided to hide behind my glasses.

A very interesting thing happened. I got such different reactions from men. Men I know and men I don't. Everyone liked the glasses. Not only that, they talked to me differently, and they took me more seriously. Pre-glasses, I remember I asked someone if a relationship had ended "acrimoniously" - and I got a verbal pat on the head for using such a big word! With glasses, nobody bats an eye. I demonstrated this for a guy I know at a party the other night. I am not making it up.

And in DC, brains are like beauty in LA. Being impressed with someone's intellect is tantamount to thinking they have a nice rack or an amazing six-pack. Appearing smart is oh so important.

I was at a party not long ago, talking to a very bright, intellectual guy. He joined a couple friends and me at a particularly light point in our conversation. We were talking about bars and meeting people in them. I was worried our conversation might be too light for him.

But no, he jumped right in to the frivolous conversation. He's a professor, and one of his friends had run into a group of his students out at a bar. His friend had flirted but had no luck with any of the women in the class.

He said that clearly, knowing him hadn't been of any help to his friend, and he wondered what that said about him.

And I said, and please, let me remind you that I do not know this guy very well, I said, "Well, thank goodness! I mean, wouldn't it be awkward for you to know that the hot brunette in the third row gives really good blow jobs?"

I swear, I have never seen anyone twitch with such alacrity. His shoulder hit his ear several times faster than you can blink. He looked at me like I was a cretin. And then he fled. I cannot imagine he will take me seriously again.