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Last year about this time my first cousin was shot 7 times, leaving him paralyzed from the neck down. He was also HIV positive. He passed away about 2 weeks ago and we had his memorial this past Saturday.

He was a character. Always getting into trouble, but he was a lovable person as odd as that may seem. He was almost like a brother to me as we grew up together. We just chose different roads as we got older.

I will miss him.

My BIL left my sister after 25 years of marriage last week.
He had been carrying on a double life. Come to find out he has been with other women the entire marriage. One lived just 4 or 5 blocks away. My sister is devastated and their kids are crushed.
He has gone back to his home state, but isn't too welcomed there.
It hurt and angers me because he was like a brother to me. All I can do now is be there for my sister.

12 years ago this month I came back to my wife after leaving her for another woman.

I am ashamed of that time. I am ashamed of all the hurt and pain I caused.

It saddens me that I was so selfish and so callous.

It saddens me that I was the cause of a tragedy.

I would like to think that I have redeemed myself, but really redemption is a continual entity when matched to infidelity. I redeem myself everyday I stay faithful and accountable. It's MY reality.
Tragedies come and go and I am sure that these tragedies will be overcame.

What's important is that we do overcome them and don't become a tragedy ourselves.

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN

floridaredman♂ 15122Member # 15122

Posted: 2:58 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013

Thank you for your post AN

The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2687 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida

SandAway♀ 37775Member # 37775

Posted: 3:11 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013

It saddens me that I was so selfish and so callous.

It saddens me that I was the cause of a tragedy.

I would like to think that I have redeemed myself, but really redemption is a continual entity when matched to infidelity.

Such true words.

It truly is amazing how quickly life can change. For us or someone we know. Sorry to hear about your cousin and your sister. Strength to you FRM

fWW
BH Tred
M 18yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people

Posts: 443 | Registered: Dec 2012

Deeply Scared♀ 2Member # 2

Posted: 3:12 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013

FRM...

I think we all struggle with obstacles and failures we encounter along the way....no one is immune to it.

I also think much of how we handle them and work through them is what makes us so much better as human beings in the long run

I'm glad you came here to share your feelings

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 203601 | Registered: May 2002

cantaccept♀ 37451Member # 37451

Posted: 3:15 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013

We never know what life holds, what is around the next corner.

I guess we need to appreciate what is in front of us, appreciate those that we love and love us.

I am impressed that you have the ability to still reach out to help others in the midst of your own struggles.

That shows a great strength of character and a compassionate heart.

Sending prayers for your sister and her family.

Thank you.

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

Divorced!

Posts: 2244 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut

uncertainone♀ 28108Member # 28108

Posted: 4:19 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013

He was a character. Always getting into trouble, but he was a lovable person as odd as that may seem. He was almost like a brother to me as we grew up together. We just chose different roads as we got older.

Doesn't seem odd at all. So sorry for your loss. It's such a heart tug when you see the adult struggling yet remember the boy you laughed and played with. One in the same yet different.

I just want you to know that through everything that you have already personally overcome, you were able to be a beacon of strength and hope to my wife and I when we first joined this site, and we were both so hopeless.

I know everything that you and your family are dealing with is so hard right now, but I am confident that you all will get through it, as individuals, and as a family.

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your cousin, and everything that your sister and her family are going through.

That cousin of yours, and the love and memories that you had of each other will be part of you forever.

Returning some of that strength to you that you have sent to me and my family.

Take care.

Losfer

Because It's There - Michael Hedges

Posts: 15442 | Registered: Dec 2010

floridaredman♂ 15122Member # 15122

Posted: 7:40 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013

stilllovingher,Jrazz,5454real,
LosferWords

Thank you all for your well wishes. It's good to get encouragement and strength when life throws you curve balls.
I am positive and hopeful that things will be ok.

My cousin made peace with everyone he could before he passed on. He use to move around so much, but being paralyzed, he could only lay in bed as family came and showed their love to him.

He suffered a bit in his last days because I don't think he wanted to leave, but it was his time to go.

My sister is moving forward and showing strength even though I know she is in pain.

You guys are right about character. Good character seems to be built by traveling
rough roads and making it through them. We will make it through this as will everyone who continues on the right path. No matter how rough that path may get.

Thank you all for giving me strength

The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2687 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida

Brandon808♂ 35619Member # 35619

Posted: 8:10 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013

FRM,
I have been moved by the wisdom you've shared with others. I've been equally moved by the compassionate way you posted. This compassion did not lessen its impact or the truth you were conveying.

I too believe in redemption. Redemption is a continual entity that is powerful and beautiful.

I am sorry for your loss, your sister's loss.

xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4272 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast

cinnamongurl♀ 37879Member # 37879

Posted: 10:44 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013

Timely post, FRM! Last weekend was one year since the s*** hit the fan, and this journey for BSO and I to find our way back to one another truly began. It has been a long difficult road, in the beginning there were so many downs and wrong turns, so much pain and hurt. But over time, and a lot of work (ongoing of course) things have slowly improved.

About a month ago, after over a year of sleeping in separate rooms, he invited me back to our bed.

Last week he con verted my "bedroom" into an office, switched out the old futon we had shared for the better part of 7 yrs (not counting the past year), folded it into couch position in the office, and set up a new bed in our bedroom.

Tuesday we had a deep heart to heart and he told me he truly forgave me. I was (still am) over the moon happy, grateful, and in complete awe of his kindness and love!

Wed morning I went to work, was driving home when my phone rang... it was my next door neighbor, hysterical... her best friend of almost 30 yrs and her partner at work for almost that entire time, had left work that morning sick, went home, locked the doors, and went to bed. At 12:30, his wife came home for lunch, and found him, dead. Heart attack, he was 47.

Bittersweet week. Tragic loss and deep spiritual gain. This past week was life changing on so many levels.

The important theme that keeps popping in my mind, is to be grateful for today, and never take anything for granted .

Me: 37 fWGF He: 36 fBSO and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Final dday late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

Posts: 538 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: by the sea

floridaredman♂ 15122Member # 15122

Posted: 11:17 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013

Thank you Brandon.Your post is much appreciated. Thank you for your insightful postings.

The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2687 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida

devasted30♀ 39439Member # 39439

Posted: 11:26 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013

Thanks to everyone for such wonderful stories and words of encouragement.
My heart is heavy today, but there is still room there for me to help carry your pain.
Thinking of anyone who is suffering today - no matter why and hoping that they find the strength to make it through today. I, myself, hope to do that and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One minute at a time.
One second at a time.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1631 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada

floridaredman♂ 15122Member # 15122

Posted: 12:34 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013

cinnamongurl Thank you for your post. It's good to hear from people who have experienced the Same or likewise circumstances and are prevailing. Thank you for the encouragement.

The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2687 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida

cinnamongurl♀ 37879Member # 37879

Posted: 9:19 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013

Thank you devastated!

One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One minute at a time.
One second at a time.

^^this!!!! This is what gets me by!! I'm sorry your heart is so heavy!

Frm, you're most welcome. thank you for sharing your struggles. I'm so sorry for the recent tragedies. you and your loved ones have had to face.

Though life can be so unbelievably trying and sometimes seem so dark, there's always a brighter side, and there's always something to be grateful for. I try each day to find a few things im grateful for and either write them down or file them away in my mind for those darker times. It really helps me find the light again.

Hoping you soon find that light again and that it shines down brightly upon you and yours.

Me: 37 fWGF He: 36 fBSO and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Final dday late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos