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Fashionista Files

May 17, 2018

First of all I loved that the "Everyday People" opening number actually had pretty simple choreography that you could actually buy a group of nurses could learn (instead of a bunch of professional dancers). And Jacklyn Zeman always makes me so happy when she's up there dancing her little heart out.

Also Felix! Epiphany!

I absolutely adore Kim's dress from the top all the way down to.... right above the knee, where the weird multiple ruffles begin.

Why complicate a good thing?

Speaking of which, it's no secret that I'm completely smitten with the idea of Finn and Anna (because I approve of how smitten he is with her, as everyone should be), but they've now moved Alexis and Finn past "casual sex" into "actual dating" and the last thing I want is a love triangle where Alexis and Anna are somehow competing for the same man, so that's disappointing. And yet here we are.

I continue to not care in the least about Henrik/Peter. He's just kind of dopey and I will also lose any semblance of calm if I start articulating how I feel about the completely insane retcon of Anna effin' Devane willingly having sex with Faison and carrying his child to term. (Just in case nobody's noticed, she happens to be my all-time favorite character on this show and I have decades worth of feelings feeding into this ...nope, I'm going to stop.)

Nothing in the performance Chase got "hazed" into by Dante (DEAR SOAP GODS PLEASE GIVE DOMINIC ZAMPROGNA SOME REAL MATERIAL, HE IS ONE OF YOUR BEST ACTORS) suggests that anyone else (besides the backup dancers) was supposed to be in it, so that made no sense.

The actor did a good job and it would've been super-cute if (a) I'd ever heard that song and (b) he weren't a brand new person we barely know.

Curtis in his magician's outfit? How is any man hot in a magician's outfit? Because he's Curtis, that's how. Continues to be the dreamiest dude on the show.

I also loved that act because, as I've mentioned, I love when the Nurses Ball feels like an amateur talent show instead of an over-produced night of lip-syncing ringers. And it was an act leading up to Curtis's proposal but there was still an act, you know?

May 16, 2018

Okay, today we got the pre-show and the red carpet and I'd like to take a moment to highlight a guest star who, if he doesn't get nominated for the Best Guest Actor Daytime Emmy in 2019? I will riot.

His name is Dutch and he is a star. Truly, Mark Teschner deserves another Best Casting Emmy for this one. What a find!

What a performance! I believed he was really eating. So convincing, so moving. Dutch needs a contract pronto.

Otherwise, not a ton to say. I'm on record as disliking how they've glossed up the Nurses Ball in its "reincarnation," what with the red carpet and the overproduced music videos and bringing in a bunch of ringers as dancers instead of letting our characters do a full-on amateur talent show. So today's components were not my favorite. (Although I will absolutely take any Nurses Ball over no Nurses Ball any day, to be clear!)

I did crack up at Joss being all, "This is unreal! I feel like Cinderella or something!" when she got to the step-and-repeat but then knew exactly how to pose for the cameras. I also cracked up that Sonny and Jason went to the Nurses Ball while Carly was spending the night in jail.

So far I'd give "Best Dressed Couple" to Jordan and Curtis.

Also, how dumb is it that the Quartermaines' former (dearly departed) chef was actually named "Cook" but now they just call this one "Cook 2?" Is her name also allegedly Cook? I don't know, the whole thing is just a bit cheesy and maybe super-classist. And if they meant for it to be classist, like "see how these millionaires take the humanity away from their staff?" then I'd be fine with it, but that doesn't really seem to be the point. Also, how the hell is she supposed to be the chef for an entire gala full of people right before it starts? Now I'm babbling.

Valentin looked....stressed. A lot.

I haven't got the slightest idea who all those guest stars were* so I don't have any reaction. What, no AC Slater this year?

April 28, 2018

Last night was the Creative Arts Awards leg of the Daytime Emmys, which has always meant all the designers and tech folks, but for some reason also includes acting/writing/directing for any of the Digital Dramas. They don't air the ceremony anywhere at all, but they did have the red carpet online with Carolyn Hennesy hosting. I watched that and... there were some awkward moments. They clearly did not prep her very well. But it was really cool to finally see all the designers and editors get all fancy and get some attention! (B&B had five women nominated for hair and makeup.... four of them were near identical white-blond-haired ladies. Heh.) (She got Lamon Archey's name wrong about seven times.)

There are a lot, so I culled the soap-related categories so you don't have to! Winners in bold.

May 24, 2017

- Oh cool, everyone coddled Jake again. They asked him a question about the chimera, he just stood there and didn't answer, then they asked again, he said he didn't feel good, and they dropped the question entirely. Oh yeah, only life and death and Helena! BUT JAKEY DOESN'T WANNA ANSWER.

- Speaking of which, I haven't been watching regularly and I have no idea what the heck the chimera is or what it means (other than... a virus, maybe?). But I like hearing half the cast say the word "chimera" repeatedly.

- Was pleasantly surprised by James Patrick Stuart's singing voice, and I really didn't detect any auto-tune in there like the other horrible acts had! Wasn't expecting that.

- I'm getting a little sick of Anna walking up every time Nina even looks at Valentin. Do I care passionately about their marriage? I don't, but I really don't want to see it end due to a bunch of silly miscommunications. Also can people stop looking at Anna like she's nuts every time she mentions her twin sister? Why has no one heard of her before and doesn't anyone have Google?

- Holy Product Plug, Batman! We see you, Burt's Bees, we don't need a whole long lingering closeup of Valerie putting on your lipstick after a two-page scene of dialogue about it!

- Why bring Kim McCullough back and then write her off as sick? Are we really here for Emma's visits and not Robin's??

- This year seems to be targeted to and only to the pre-teen demographic, which they might want to reconsider. Part of the fun of the Nurses Ball is its nostalgia! GIVE US OLDS SOMETHING BESIDES BILLY JOEL AND EDDIE MAINE. Where's Frisco when you need him? (Seriously. Jack Wagner. COME BACK.)

- Speaking of sponsors and demos and money, I know Burt's Bees helps them cover the additional costs of these episodes, but does anyone remember if any actual money goes to AIDS research from this whole endeavor??

Sorry to do such a short post after such a very, very long hiatus! I started dashing it off over at the Facebook page and it just seemed a hair too long for that, but a hair too short for this. Such is life!

April 26, 2015

8:00pm: They're doing a sketch about Ellen DeGeneres and Matt Lauer, which mostly seems about how they definitely will not show up for this thing. I mean it's for charity! That's the nicer thing. "Charity," unspecified.

8:03pm: Tyra's hosting, it's real! This is the first time she's ever hosted an awards show, and is nervous about her lack-of-weave. In her childhood, they watched GH and Y&R. Tyra is basically overdramatically wonderful. She is rapping. Should she rap? I don't know about that.

8:08pm: Steve Harvey is presenting, and requests that the producers stop filming the losers' faces.

8:09pm: Outstanding Actress! Finola, Elizabeth, Linsey, Amelia, and Lisa. Even Finola Hughes's clip made made me weepy. But, she did not win. Amelia Heinle won. She's insanely pretty. But she is not Finola Hughes. I feel crazy right now.

8:13pm: Something about a game show? At least everyone seems awake. Outstanding Entertainment News Program! Entertainment Tonight wins. I outright did not know this was still a thing, but I do not claim to be on the cutting edge.

Who's here? Is anyone actually watching? Are you drinking to get through, or just suffering alone in some more healthy manner?

8:16pm: Fan favorite award! Favorite talk show... audience? I don't even understand this award. I voted, but I don't remember being asked about an audience. Can we get Serial Drama readers an award now? If this is how things are working now, I'd like that very much.

8:20pm: The hostesses of The Talk are presenting, and mostly Aisha Tyler is really, really, really, really tall. And they're joking about audiences. Because they're about to give an audience award, and I'm still confused. Did they trick me into voting in this category? Sara Gilbert is staring to look almost exactly like her wife. But, Craig Ferguson wins. I still don't understand the category, but my dog has farted in protest.

THERE IS BETTY WHITE. So no matter what anyone says, this show is the most important thing on television right now. Because Betty White is there.

8:25pm: Kirsten Storms and Ryan Paevy present Outstanding Morning Program. CBS Sunday Morning wins, because it is a thing on the air. Some old white men accept the award and speak awkwardly into the microphone.

8:26pm: They show clips from the Best Bitch Slap nominees. I actually saw none of these when they happened, so this is a bit of a delight. (Brooke looks like she deserved it?) Oh hey! B&B won for Quinn slapping drunk Brooke!

8:30pm: Tyra is wearing very little, and now my dog is literally just standing in front of me, staring. She must be baffled as to why I'd be watching this. They're doing a video package of some fifth grade teacher. (I see some comments are coming in. soapbaby is with us!) Anyway the teacher is there and is crying and looks so beautiful and I love it!

8:34pm: They've already cut show clips for Outstanding Supporting Actor. That was fast! Chad Duell wins for General HospitalI! Good for him. Who can help but get behind him in Michael's new Sonny-hating mode? Truthfully, he's very good but this past year has given him a more generous showcase than the past sad-sack material. He thanks Ron Carlivati, Frank Valentini, Kristen Alderson, and God. Twice. Oh, Jesus made the cut, too.

8:36pm: Someone is singing "What I Did For Love" and they're doing a montage of actual soap scenes. ACTUAL SCENES. You guys. Among a hundred other things, they did the "Sonny sees Brenda outside the church in the rain alive" scene. And I actually really like this. No snark, y'all. None at all. Though I would still rather see nominees' clips.

8:40pm: Mario Lopez is presenting Outstanding Morning Program: Spanish Language. Una... nope, sorry, I did not understand the title of the winner. But AC Slater presented, so all is well! The dimples are all happening. My dog keeps shoving her face into my keyboard.

Glamorous life of a soap blogger: my dog has just pooped on the floor.

8:45pm: BETTY WHITE IS GETTING AN AWARD, EVERYONE SHOW RESPECT.

Those track suits do not bedazzle themselves, you guys.

Charo and Regis and Fred Willard and Marie Osmond are on hand to introduce her. Y'all. Betty White. Betty White. What is there to snark about? She is human perfection. Shut up. I'm not crying, your face is crying!

Okay, I'm crying. The tribute was a bit odd, though. Nothing from the past 35 years?? Aww, Fred Willard is acknowledging her time on B&B and her fantastic work in animal rights. And Charo says Betty is the one who "put the coochee in the coochee coochee coochee."

So Betty White, the world's most wonderful human, accepts her Lifetime Achievement Award. She loves the award, but she's not quite as hot for it as she was for the anatomically-correct SAG dude. Well, what's to say? Nobody can make fun of Betty.

Oh, O42 has joined us in the comments, hooray! Who else is playing along?

As a New Yorker, I do have to remind you that the Subway Series is happening right now, so this is totally unfair in every way. Currently: Yankees 3, Mets 2.

8:59pm: Tyra introduces Miss J, and Tyra is wearing a one-shouldered onesie of some sort. B&B recently had its 7000th episode, so they're there to celebrate. Jacob Young, Karla Moseley, and Linsey Godfrey (on no crutches!) are there to be adorable. Godfrey gets a bit choked up. She's so cute.

9:01pm Outstanding Younger Actor goes to Freddie Smith, who plays Sonny on Days. Aww, I like him and all the people crying for him!

9:08pm: I confess I got distracted and I have no idea what these people are introducing. Oh! Outstanding "Informative" Talk Show goes to Steve Harvey. I wrote a play about a dating expert and I read Think Like A Man, so.... that is my context. I do not recommend his dating advice if you were born after 1900. If you were born before that, you are freaking awesome.

9:12pm: Outstanding Entertainment Talk Show Host goes to Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan, who are not there. I have just poured my first glass of wine.

9:13pm: Fan Favorite for wedding disasters. Not going to lie, I voted for Franco's "hell no," but I foolishly had not yet seen Ridge fall out of a helicopter.

What do you guys think of this Queens of Drama show?

9:17pm: Okay, so the cast of that show is there. WHY IS CRYSTAL HUNT INVOLVED?? Can I get a "what the....???" from my OLTL people?

Anyway, Outstanding Directing Team goes to The Bold and the Beautiful. I mean, sure! If Ridge is getting pushed out of a helicopter, we care about your mise-en-scène.

I feel like I missed the Matt Lauer joke. Who caught why they're doing this?

9:21pm: Alan Thicke, for some reason, presents the writing award, which goes to The Bold and the Beautiful. Um. Okee doke? I know it's sort of my job to be meanest to the writers, but I'm a writer and sometimes it's....well, you get it. But still. B&B?

9:24pm: Outstanding Game Show goes to upstart Jeopardy! Who'd have guessed? I'm so proud of them. They really are the Little Game Show That Could.

I see commenter C is in the house! (Can we talk about Kyle and Fish now???) (Y'all know I remember your particulars if you're regulars here!)

Okay, seriously. How did I miss the Matt Lauer thing??

Oh, thanks, soapbaby! "Charity!"

9:28pm: Outstanding "Informative" Talk Show Host goes to the hosts of The Chew. Hrmph. Still bitter!

I am now thinking maybe I got out of the late-night dog walk since she pooped on the floor? (Alas, life does not work that way.)

9:32pm: Outstanding Culinary Program goes to Barefoot Contessa. My day job has a legal relationship with her. THAT IS ALL I KNOW.

Come back here tonight to play along while we all sit on the edge of our seats to find out if this year's ceremony will be laughable, extremely laughable, or too embarrassing to feel comfortable laughing at.

But there's one thing we know we can count on with Tyra Banks hosting: there will be smize-ing.

June 22, 2014

The biggest television night of the year is here! Okay. The most important television broadcast is... oh hell, I don't know. They're having a small party and handing out some statues and streaming it online and calling it the Daytime Emmys. I have volunteered to take the hit and subject myself to it so you don't have to, or so you'll watch knowing at least one other human is out there dealing with it. "Extravaganza" can be interpreted as ironically as you please.

Sadly, Mallory will have to sit this year out but I'm sure she'll be somewhere feeling really jealous of the rest of us gluttons for punishment. And as some of you know, I haven't been watching any of the daytime soaps this year but since these awards are for the 2013 season, I'll actually sort of know what's going on. Well, 5% of the time since the rest will presumably be about talk shows and children's television.

So come join me back here at 8pm Eastern time tonight and we'll go through this together!

This time I'm just doing it the old-fashioned way, so you'll have to keep refreshing the screen to get the new comments (instead of the rolling live feed we've sometimes had).

6:18pm Hey y'all! So the red carpet is already streaming so it'll be slow-going at this point because I'm not all that interested in this part. But I'll check in from time to time between now and the main event, so if you're watching, start sounding off in the comments below!

What fresh hell is this? Who are these ladies doing the red carpet interviews? The very first thing I saw was them telling an actor he needed to get away or else they were going to RAPE HIM. No, they really said that. It's out there in the world. So I see we're setting the tone for the night: classy!

I missed the beginning. Did they say anything about who these "professional reporters" are? Is this part of a test run for an unpaid internship, I hope?

6:31pm They want to nominate Heather Tom's boobies for an award. Because classy.

Kim Matula just used more gestures in answering four questions on the red carpet than she has in her entire tenure as Hope Logan on B&B. I'm just saying.

Kristen Alderson's dress is radioactive. My eyes hurt!

That photo doesn't really do the blinding-ness justice. But it's bright, is my point.

6:43pm So basically the gist is that these women are going to tell everyone how thin they look and how amazing that is. Feminism is alive and well, people. I feel like I'm at a bad sorority party. I don't mind that they're crass potty-mouths (in fact, that's my default state) but not when it's so utterly vapid and insincere. I half expect them to start greeting grown women with, "Hey slut, oh god, I hate you, look how hot that dress is, bitch! I die."

6:51pm Well, they basically had no idea who Jason Thompson is. Only one of the best actors in daytime by a country mile, but they just filled a few seconds with random blathering that had nothing to do with him.

My feed just died. Temporarily? I don't know. But I'm not complaining.

7:00pm Zack Conroy remains adorable. B&B viewers, do they still give him absolutely nothing to do these days?

I got restless during some buffering.

This broadcast had devolved my sense of humor into that of a four-year-old.

October 26, 2011

And that problem's name is Jessica Brennan (yes, that's still her name and you can't make me stop using it!).

It's... I don't really even know what to say about it. It's not that it's so awful, and I won't sit here and pretend to know anything about current-day fashion. But I do know a thing or two about character, and this really makes no sense on an insanely wealthy mother in her thirties, does it?

I really don't get it.

And it's not like this is a one-day aberration. This is Jessica's look now.

Every day. An almost-sheer white baggy off-the-shoulder top with some sort of image on it, with skinny jeans or leggings or stirrup pants or whatever they are.

June 19, 2011

Daytime's biggest night is here (pause for a second and reflect upon just how sad that sentence is!) and the three of us are here to comment in our usual hypercritical, foul-mouthed, and--hopefully!--hilarious way on what we're sure will be two hours of epic WTFery.

Click Play below to get the Live Blog started! And don't forget to leave comments here with your own hypercritical, foul-mouthed and hilarious observations.

UPDATE: After the jump, re-live the Emmys telecast, now with bonus screencaps!