Need advice for a spoiled baby

Brandy - posted on 03/13/2010
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11 moms have responded
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My daughter is almost nine months old. She throws a huge fit when I try to sit her on the floor to play, to the point of throwing up. She only does this with me, when she is with her Dad or at daycare she is fine. I have tried distracting her with toys, TV and just letting her cry. I really am at my wit's end, I can't get anything done! Please help! :)

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Marabeth - posted on 03/13/2010

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the way i figure it if my husband or any family member/friend of mine needed my attention and was so upset over it they vomited (or even just cried a little) the solution would definitely not be leave them alone. it would be to spend all the time they needed with them, listen to them, talk to them and just generally be there in whatever way they needed. why should a baby (who btw is much more helpless than any other family member/friend) be any different? i say let the house go to hell and make your baby smile. or babywear, like lisa said. i did that a lot. now my 12 month old is happy to run around and play for a little while (like 5-15 minutes straight) on her own while i do what i need to do. if you can afford it i'd recommend the ergo baby carrier. it's an investment but oh god it's like heaven, it puts all of the baby's weight on your hips instead of your shoulders (that's what always hurt me first with regular fabric-y mei tais)

I would have to agree fully with Lisa Moreau's response. I have 5 children and they have all gone through that stage. It can be tough and sometimes even frustrating, but when you take a step back, breathe, and just remember...this age doesn't last long (although at the moment when they're screaming it feels like forever sometimes) the fact that you're being wanted and needed is a real blessing every mom gets to experience. Best thing to do is keep her occupied or perhaps, schedule certain things that need to be done in the house around nap time and things out of the house for when she has had a good nap so she's not as needy. You have to admit though, being wanted in that way feels good time and time again!

Most experts agree that babies aren't spoiled when they have a strong need to be with their mothers. What she is exhibiting is normal! You are her life-source, and her world. She wants to be with you- her wants pretty much equal her needs right now.

If you need to be walking around doing chores would strapping her up on you in a carrier help? If you need to be on the floor doing chores sit her at your feet with some toys. Sit her in your lap too.

Babies learn to be patient when they know their needs will be quickly met in a sensitive manner. Letting her cry isn't likely to help save make her withdraw into herself.

It helps to know that this is such a short time- she WILL become more independent- but you need to let her develop this on her own. She's more important than the chores. Tend to your baby- figure out ways to work the chores around her needs. Many mothers find that babywearing helps immensely.

Hello, Ergo, this could be your new best friend. As for spoiled, not possible in my opinion. She wants her mama time, give it to her... My 19 month old still gets put in a sling or her Ergo backpack often. She wants me and I need to cook dinner, feed the chickens, or even just don't want to hold her. It's also great because she can be my little helper, she loves it. Though she didn't at first, we worked our way up to a couple hours a day.

It's a phase. My son was the same at around that age, would even cry if he was put in his playpen in plain view of everyone. He just wanted to be held all the time. He's now 11.5months and will happily play for long periods in his playpen all by himself. Hang in there :-)

I know the feeling! My baby has been like that for months now. The carrier idea is great. Unfortunately my baby hates being in one and likes to alternate between being carried around in my arms or having me hold her hand while she runs about the place. It's all day long and very exhausting. She is not satisfied by being close to me on the floor or in a chair - she has to do one of those two aforementioned things. Nap times are taken up by expressing milk so there really is no free time at all and she keeps me up all night too- wanting to be held. My husband has to do the cooking in the evening because I can't get free to do it and the rest of the time I have to run to complete tasks while she screams. Even going to the loo or blowing my nose become highly stressed activities as she is working herself up into a fit in the playpen. Good luck that this stage passes soon. My baby is one year old and perhaps just showing signs of relaxing a bit. As everyone has said it's not really spoiled behaviour it's just separation anxiety.

Then baby is not ready to be separated from mum. There are times i cant get tings done around the house but have to leave them. She wont be like that forever and is not spoilt! I thats separation anxiety and the more you leave her without letting her get her own independence in her own time the worse it is.

She isn't spoilt its seperation anxiety! Use the "i'll be back" cue. Start with using it at a time when she is happiest, for my son it was after breakfast and after morning and arvo tea when he is full of food and not tired yet. Every time you walk out of the room say "i'll be back" then when you come in say "mummas back". Start with VERY brief amounts of time and gradually build it up. If you are in the same room and say duck down in the kitchen where she cant see you tell her "mummys here, she is just getting something in the cupboard..." It will gradually fade. It will always be worse for you cos you are Mum!! My little man is super happy with anyone but now at 12mths will ONLY go to me when he has hurt himself or if he wakes with his teeth at night. Its lovely to be loved but sometimes a little pain...hehehe gott love them, soon we will be begging them for a kiss and cuddle. Good luck

She's not spoiled -- you can't spoil a baby. (And anytime anyone is crying to the point of throwing up -- that's real, serious upsettedness right there, and it's not going to be helped by ignoring their crying.) 9 months is prime time for separation anxiety, for a variety of developmental reasons -- I've seen babies that age flip out because mum went 2feet away, when a month ago they'd have been fine with it and in another 2 months they might be fine with it again.

If you try to think of it as "she really needs to be near me right now" rather than as "she throws a huge fit when I try to put her down", it might help you feel better about the situation. (Also, keep saying to yourself: This too shall pass. Because it will. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it will.) And then get a really good soft carrier -- a sling, moby wrap, baby trekker, mei tei, dydymus, whatever -- and start wearing her more. The more her needs are being met, the more she'll be able to get through this phase and into the next one. You know ... the one where she starts cruising and grabbing things and putting crackers in the VCR ;^).

Babies at this age start to exhibit strong separation anxiety, and this sounds pretty normal to me. Have you tried to wear her in a good carrier? I LOVE my mei tai (Kozy) which I can wear on my back or front. Other really good options are the Becco or Ergo, both easy to wear baby on your front or back (even for naps) and are very comfortable.

Eventually they get to be independent, if their needs are met. Take a few days/weeks to just be with her - ignore the housework and spend time really reassuring her you are there for her. Play, nap, cuddle....this stage doesn't last forever! :-)