Professor Brian Sherwood, a theologian from Durham University, caused controversy on the Festival of Sol Invictus, the Unconquered Sun, by claiming that the traditonal date for the sun’s birthday of December 25th cannot be correct.

‘I don’t want to ruin anyone’s Sol-day lunch and I respect the fact that this is still basically a Sol-worshipping country,’ said Sherwood, defending himself against accusations of heresy from the Sun-Church of England, ‘but whichever way you look at it the date is wrong.’

Scientists now believe that the sun does not literally die at the winter solstice at all. Moreover, it is 8,746, 591,306 years old and was ‘born’ on September 12th of that year, plus or minus six days. ‘So by all means eat yourself sick on December 25th but it’s not the right day,’ insisted Sherwood.