Look, I respect a man who can pull off a mustache. It ain’t easy. Tom Selleck has spent a lifetime doing it, which is why Tom Selleck is one of my heroes. But you’ll likely never, ever see me sporting one. It just makes me, like most guys, look way too porn-y, and the process of growing one out is too damn uncomfortable. After nine or ten days of not shaving it, my upper lip begins to itch like I stuck it in a poison ivy patch or something.
Which gets me to this whole “Movember” thing that a lot of my friends are doing, which is basically growing a mustache to raise money for prostate cancer research. Despite much prodding, I’ve refused to do it. For doing such, I’ve already been given the Movember guilt trip by some Movember participants, which typically goes something like this: “Oh, where’s your mustache…don’t you care about doing something to support men’s health?” To which I usually respond: “Yes, actually, I do, but I just prefer to do good deeds and be charitable without making a ridiculous spectacle of myself.” That usually elicits a moment of silent reflection.
So when I discovered the recently sprouted Tumblr “Moustair” (“Where men meets moustaches meets hair meets moustaches meets hair meets MOUSTAIR.”) this morning, I was immediately convinced that it was created by someone else just like me, someone with an thoughtful aversion to mustaches who’s already tired of Movember, so he or she decided to poke fun at the whole thing. I WANT TO BELIEVE!
Regardless, I think I might give my Movembering friends the Moustair treatment — photoshop pics of their heads into their mustaches, frame them — and present the framed final product to their girlfriends as reminders of the month that they really didn’t want to have sex with them, EVER. Anyway, enjoy this wee gallery of my favorite Moustairs I collected after the jump.
BONUS: INFINITE SELLECK STACHE!!!