What’s alcopop? A portmanteau of alcohol and pop that describes a flavored alcoholic beverage (think Smirnoff Ice)—but certain brands are really going above and beyond to get our little ones excited about pounding down their weight in alcohol.

Take the brand Four Loko: It’s a malt beverage that packs as much caffeine as a cup of coffee and, with 12 percent alcohol by volume, about three times as much alcohol as beer, and comes in such refined flavors as blue raspberry, fruit punch, and grape. When’s the last time anyone over the legal limit chose a grape-flavored beverage out of the fridge?

There’s also Joose, which comes in the flavors Panther and Jungle. We’re too old to understand what that even means. According to the Daily News article, the FDA spokesman asked to comment said the agency hasn’t yet determined if these drinks are harmful.

Um. Hello. Do high-fructose corn syrup or aspartame clang any bells in your head? Just jump the gun on this one and determine that these drinks are probably not the healthiest for our youngsters.