It is all obvious or trivial except…

This is a bit strange

Published last week, The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex is the first such guide written by a Muslim woman. The author has chosen to stay anonymous, using an alias.

Candid advice is offered on everything from kissing to cowgirl positions – with the core message being that Muslim women can and should enjoy a varied sex life and take the lead in physical relationships.

This is all mindblowingly new apparently. And in certain cultures it might be but not really in Islam.

Among the things I’ve done over the years was a bit of time reading some of the “Ask the Imam” pages of various publications. Can’t remember quite why but it was research for something or other I was thinking of writing. And the advice is at times quite eye-poppingly frank. Certainly of a great deal more practical use than what you’re going to get from the average Catholic priest. One of the English language Gulf newspapers quite happily detailing how anal sex is not haram (different schools of scholars disagree here), some women do enjoy it (and many do not) and why not, the woman’s enjoyment is an important part, a duty on the part of the husband.

They also describe what is haram – in common with the basic Catholic teaching, pretty much anything desired by both is fine, as long as the male orgasm allows the possibility of conception.

There is a certain amusement at this:

“Islamically, there’s an emphasis on enjoying physical relationships within the context of marriage, not just for procreation. It is the wife’s right that her husband satisfy her sexually.”

Any Rabbi will tell you the same thing which is an interesting confluence of the two religions.

That this is the first book marketed as the haram guide written by a woman I’m quite willing to believe.

For example:

“I saw many Muslim women were getting married with no real avenue for learning about sex,” she said. “Couples knew ‘penis into vagina’, but little on how to spice up their sex life. Different positions, different things to try in bed – it’s all absent in contemporary Islamic literature. For those in the west, certain things permeate through osmosis, so women have heard about BDSM and doggy style, but only in a vague sense.”

So, an Imam written guide to Islamic sex from Leicester in 2008 discusses doggie style and cowboy positions. Hey, why not, go for it is the general view. This also being one of those who abhors anal.

“However, in practice, sex seems to all be about men’s pleasure. Cases often come up on our helpline where women’s complaints range from being forced into participating in unwanted sexual acts, rape, to being treated like a piece of meat with zero effort made to ensure the woman has an orgasm. I suspect the problem is much bigger, as most would feel too embarrassed to talk about it.”

Another Imam written guide saying anal might be OK but containing this great advice:

Foreplay is Highly Recommended
Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam ‘Ali (A.S.) says, “When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled).” 1
Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. The Prophet (S) said, “Three people are cruel: …a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay.” 2
Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: “When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying.” 3

As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams (A.S.) have praised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband. Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (A.S.) says, “The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again.” 4 After all, modesty and chastity in public is the hallmark of a Muslim lady.
These sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel completely free when they are engaged in mutual stimulation which is known as foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman to be active and responsive during sex. As for the Islamic Shariah, all the mujtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab (recommended). Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into sexual intercourse.5 The operative word is mutual pleasure and satisfaction.

Marriage according to Islamic law is only between a man and a woman, wherein a man may have up to four wives. The principle of Islamic marriage is usufruct. The man acquires the right to use the sexual organs of his wife (wives). The concept of marital rape does therefore not exist. For the husbands only the picture of the prophet Mohammed stands: they represent the prophet to their wives. This is all about the power of order. For the wife, the example of Mohammed is not applicable, but the example of his wives is. It is about submission and obedience. The man-wife relationship is about super- and subordination. Family relations comes before marital relations. In Islam, the word family does not pertain just to the small, isolated nuclear family, which is seen as Western decadence, but the large extended family. While the family as a social entity is untouchable in Islam, the couple’s relationship in Islamic marriage is always vulnerable through the easiness with which men can enforce a divorce, through the use of masked prostitution such as the “temporary marriage”, or through the permission to take concubines.