A blog where celebrity fact and fiction collide...Interviews with a twist... Ever wonder what it would be like to go back into the woods with Betsy Baker (Evil Dead)? Back to H wing with Val Lehman (Queen Bea) or even have a sleep over with Heather Langenkamp (Nightmare on Elm Street)? Well here is where you can experience it in all it's glory...

Sunday, 26 May 2013

Ever heard someone exclaim "You must see that!", "Oh my god I thought I was the only one to have heard of that" or "I think I remember it, but what happened to it?"Well this week Retro LadyLand digs up 5 of these amazing movies, lost and forgotten... Time they got a good airing.

The Little girl who lives down the lane

(1976)

Directed by Nicholas Gessner, starring a 14 year-old Jodie Foster and Martin Sheen at his very creepiest. This film based on a novel by Laird Gessner centres around Rynn (Foster) who will do anything to protect her house and dark secret that it holds. Sheen plays the characeter Hallet, who has an unwholesome interest in Rynn.

Jodie and the film Won acclaim with horror aficionados of the time, but, unlike the stars career, disappeared into almost urban legend.

I love this film and think it's not only one of Ms Fosters greatest performances, but after viewing you'll never look at Martin Sheen in the same way again...

"How old do you have to be before people start treating you like a person"

Directed by Tom Schiller, featuring an all star cast of such high profile actors such as Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, John Bellushi and a Gremlins arch nemesis, Zach Galligan and with all the characteristics and stylings of an early Melies film. This strangely surreal film centres on a young man, Adam (Galligan) who befriends a tramp after returning to Manhattan - after being exposed as a fraud pianist, and getting a job monitoring traffic for his no-nonsense boss, played by Dan Aykroyd. Adam is informed that the tramps are controlling the cities of the world, and instructs him to journey to the moon to spread peace and search for his true love (Played by Lauren Tom).Adam boards a Lunar Cruiser heading for the moon - driven by Bill Murray - but does he get there? Well, you're going to have a hard time finding out as this film has never be formally released due to "legal reasons" [although has been hinted at that it was used as a 'tax dodge']. The film is interspersed with many clips from the 1930s that have still to be cleared for use. Warner claimed it was "on the middle burner -- not the front, but not the back." But if it does ever get released, both Aykroyd and Murray are on standby to add some special features to the DVD.

"You will get everything you want in your lifetime, only you won't get in the way you expect"

Directed by Stanley Donan and starring Richard Burton and Rex Harrison, adapted from a two man stage play by Charles Dyer, this film centres around the two main characters (Burton and Harrison) who play an ageing gay couple, that own a barber shop in the east end of London. The action takes place over one night, while the couple discuss their lives, past and possible separation due to Burton's forthcoming trial for propositioning a policeman.

Film critic Armond White called the film "a rare Hollywood movie to depict gay experience with wisdom, humour and warmth", and "a lost treasure"

"We'll build a staircase up to the sky. We'll not be lonely, flying so high."

Directed by the cult director Tod Browning, today this film is usually overshadowed by Browning's more famous film "Freaks", but is no less a classic. The story centres around protagonist, 'Alonzo the armless' (Lon Chaney), a knife thrower that uses his feet to toss his weapons. But, unlike his alias, Alonzo does actually have arms, but straps them by his sides, giving the illusion of having a disability, thus creating his character.

Escaping from a life of crime, Alonzo has a distinguishing characteristic of having an extra thumb on his left hand. So an armless man is a perfect disguise... But, after more twists and turns, murders and discoveries, Alonzo, in love with Nanon, his beautiful assistant, who has a strange aversion to arms, has them amputated so he can be closer to her... And the rest? Well you'll have to see that for yourself.

Critics panned it but actors such as Joan Crawford praised the performances she saidthat she learned more about acting from working with Chaney in this movie than from everything else in her long career put together. A must see.

"You are a riddle, Nanon. You shrink from me... yet you kiss my flowers when I am gone"

Sunday, 19 May 2013

My heart was pounding as loud as the
music as I sidled up to the back doors of the arena. I thought about backing
out, but I knew she was in there, I could feel it, and I had to get to meet
her... I was a man obsessed.

Then as I got nearer I saw the bouncers,
they looked huge and terrifying: like two silverbacks guarding their young. If
I was going to get in there, I'd have to use all my cunning and wit. I checked my
forged I.D, it was a pretty good copy, but was it good enough? God, I hoped
so. You see I was only 17, although I did look older and with my new skinny-fit jeans
and highlights I might just get away with it.

I took long last draw on my ciggy and a swig of my cider and approached the
goons.

The taller one stared at me, his expressionless face never changing.
"I.D." he said in a baritone drawl. Then, just as I was gingerly pulling
out my home-made card, a man with a long bleached perm and shiny trousers came careering
out of the doors, and I was flung to the floor. Jesus, what was this guy's
problem?

"And stay out!" shouted a third bouncer, this one was even bigger and
goonier than the others. He terrified me, but for some crazy reason this wiry
little man didn’t seem bothered, too hopped up on something to care, was my
guess. He screamed back in a comically high-pitched Welsh accent, retorting
"Or what then?" The bouncer looked taken a back, he'd probably
never had anyone retaliate before and, growling to himself, he turned to go back inside.
Suddenly this freakin’ guy sprang to his feet and jumped on the bouncer's back,
screaming and kicking. During all this commotion I remained on the floor, it
felt unreal and was making my head spin. Then I felt two hands on my arms and I was
lifted up. "You look harmless kid," came that same low tone, "Quick
get inside before this joker gets crazy." Crazy? How more crazy could it be?

I rushed inside, sweat pouring from me, and snaked my way through the
people and props. Two little people came past me, shouting at each other and
carrying what looked like a scaled down copy of Stonehenge. There was a man
carrying a large pod, mumbling to himself about it not opening properly, there
were groupies and roadies and a blond-haired man with a cricket bat smashing
things, it was like a circus. But I couldn't see her anywhere.

The music was getting louder, I knew I was nearing the stage. She must be
there, watching in the wings. Suddenly I saw them... the band, Spinal Tap! They
weren't actually on the stage yet. They stopped and asked me directions, and I said that I wasn't
sure but I guessed - from the sound of the intro music - that it was nearby. Then I asked
them where she was, they told me to follow them.

After getting lost, asking the way again, getting lost again and a lot of 'Rock
and Roll' shouting, we found the stage and the band rushed on, and that's when when I
saw her. Like a goddess, she was sitting on an unused speaker, dressed in Spandex and
fringed scarves. Her heavy make-up accented her beautiful features, she looked like
a heavy metal princess sitting on her Thrown of Rock, this was the one and only
June Chadwick, aka Jeanine Pettibone.

I approached her cautiously,
I knew better than to jump in too quickly, that's how I'd frightened away Patti
Smith.

I spoke tentatively -
"Hi" I said. I must have seemed like a little kid to her,
she turned

and stared at me. I clumsily searched for my notepad in my breast
pocket. Removing it I muttered "Can I ask you a couple of questions? It’s for
Retro LadyLand Magazine..." I flashed her my library card, she wasn't to know that it
was really for my school paper.

She looked me up and down and
nodded nonchalantly. She was so cool, I prayed that I wasn’t about
to make an arse of myself.

I started reading my questions:

So June, some have described Jeanine as the Yoko Ono of
Spinal Tap, did you base her on anyone?

"I never thought of Yoko actually. I based Jeanine on
how I felt about David and his success (of course) with the band .
In fact I was a classical musician, but grew into heavy metal!"

These words were like music to my
ears: heavy metal music.

Everything seemed so natural, how much of the film was
improvisation?

"Everything was improv. We had story points to cover
but no written dialogue."

I couldn’t help but notice her
outfit, who couldn't? I just had to ask.

Jeanine was described by Iain as dressing like an
'Australian's nightmare', how much of this was your input?

"Most of the clothes were my own - I was quite hip
in those days! The wardrobe lady helped me to put everything together
that didn't go together!"

I knew that she had been living in
the U.S. for a long time now, but her Warwickshire accent still shone through. I
knew that some of the others' accents were put on, so I was prepared for my next
question.

As a Brit, how did you rate your co-stars accents? Did you
ever have to correct their pronunciation?

"I had to audition for the role with improvising and I was
amazed at how accurate their accents were. Chris's father is a Brit and
he taught the others. They are all brilliant comedy actors and writers,
but I didn't know who anyone was at the time."

Now the conversation was flowing, and
I was feeling more relaxed.

I bet it was fun filming! Was there much corpsing?

"We couldn't 'corpse' without ruining the scene since it
couldn't be repeated. There were times when the camera kept rolling and it got funnier and funnier - e.g. the intro of the 'black' label and
waiting for the 100 fans (not) to appear in the record store. I
often had to think of being somewhere completely different and not really
listen (which fortunately quite suited the character!) Not visibly biting
my lip became an art."

So, how did you land the role?

"It came down to a choice between me and another actress who
was quite famous. The fact that I didn't expect them to pull off the accents probably
helped my attitude! We had a great time and really clicked in the
audition I remember."

Did you even realise how iconic the film was going to
be?

"No, I had no idea of the film's future."

I listened intently, but in the back
of my mind all I could hear was her saying; “You don't do heavy metal in Dubly” and "I’ve told them a hundred times: put
‘Spinal Tap’ first and ‘Puppet Show’ last”. I wondered if she had ever got heckled?

"Nobody ever recognized me without the clothes and accent
unless I was at a screening!"

Now, I had obviously watched June on
many other films and TV shows, like V, The A-Team and The Evil Below, but
always hoped we’d see Jeanine again, so I asked;

Was there any truth in the rumour of a sequel?

"None of us wanted to do a sequel. The band was on tour
anyway and sequels have a tendency to be second best. Part of the movie's
success was that a lot of people thought it was a real band!! We did
however do a "Where are they now?" for a TV movie."

Are you still in touch with any of the guys?

"Barely. My passions now are outside of the 'biz' -
teaching the Alexander Technique and spending time with my 4 horses, dog and 3
cats (oh - and husband)."

I suddenly realized that the band
was just finishing up 'Big Bottom', ready to come off for a breather and a
costume change, so I quickly asked my final question.

If you could put together a perfect Tap-esque band, who would
the Jeanine be?

"Hmm...I'd try Jennifer Lawrence or Adele."

Just then the music stopped and the
band came running off stage to thunderous applause. David grabbed June's hand and
dragged her off, mumbling something about armadillos and trousers and she was
gone, my heavy metal princess out of my life.

Then, just as I got up to leave,
wondering what to do next there was a huge ‘BOOM!’ I nearly jumped out of my skin. Something nearby had exploded! The crowd gasped, people ran around
in panic and I ran onto the stage where the sound had come from, to find
myself staring straight at a smoking drum kit. Not again...

Sunday, 12 May 2013

It
was hot, hotter than the Hotplate Heaven at the Green Hotel, and I needed a ride.

I was a drifter, a loner, and that’s just how I liked it. All I needed for a
friend was a full pack of smokes, my precious guitar my daddy have given me and the cold hard road, and today... well, today I was going anywhere the wind led
me.

I stuck out my thumb and held on to my crudely painted sign. 'Will play for a lift' it read - I
couldn't count the times people had stopped, thinking the sign said 'pay for a
lift' and then sped off again. Hell, I wasn't that bad, could string a note or two together, something
that wouldn't hurt the ears. I was no pro, but I was a trier, and isn't
that what counts?

The California sun beat down on my head, beads of sweat snaked their way down
my spine making my shirt looked like I'd just been swimming, cars zoomed past. No one seemed to want to stop for a long haired drifter with a wet shirt and a
bashed up old Gibson, but I had faith, I had to have.

I had traveled a long way and had gotten into a lot of cars, and a lot of
cars meant a lot of conversations. A couple of nuns in
an Cadillac convertible picked me up just outside of New York
City and got me all the way to Vegas, and boy those girls could talk,
about everything and anyone. Hell, I'm not a religious guy, but if I
was I'd still be hail-marying now. And from the size and
weight of their bags, I'm not sure those 'nuns' were completely on the level. Those slots were
going to take a pounding with the church's collection, and that church roof?
Well, that'd be waiting a while before it's water tight again.

Then I got two newlyweds in a Desoto. Those guys were free with their
happiness and their cash, jeeze, I ate and drank well on that journey, steak
dinners, two bottles of French champagne, and I can live with that. But then things
got heavy. Turned out that they'd only known each other 2 weeks and it wasn’t
too far outside Sin City before the honeymoon was over. Next I got a suicidal
banker. I didn't ask why, I didn't want to know why, I just didn't stay in that
car long. And then there was this old dude in a Ford pick-up looked
like he'd seen a thing or two in his life, told me stories about his pappy and
the gold rush. In an hour and a half we had only driven 25 miles, but he made me
smile and that doesn't come for free.

So now I was here; sign in hand, thumb
out waiting for that next lift to somewhere. The minutes turned into hours, it
was a long, lonely road.

Looking ahead in the distance, I saw a
car: a cherry red convertible with chrome alloys and my kinda music coming from
the stereo. As it slowly appeared over the horizon - the ripple of the heat
distorting its image - I wondered for a second whether it was some sort of
an mirage, but no it kept coming closer and then, as if I was given a gift from the
heavens, the car slowed and stopped at my feet.

I bent down and removed my cowboy hat
ready to ask how far they were going, but when I saw who had stopped my heart
skipped a beat and my mouth hung open.

"Well, are you getting in or
not?" came the voice in an unmistakable Michigan drawl.

"Grandmothers these days
kid," he replied as I opened the door and got in.

The car pulled off. I couldn't believe
it, this was the Don Preston, a man whose music had birthed me into the 50s,
suckled me through the 60s, and brought me kicking and screaming into life
after that. This was a man who'd played with the likes of Johnnie Ray, Connie
Francis, Flo and Eddie, Yoko Ono, John Lennon and Frank freakin' Zappa!

Man! This dude was a legend, and I was in a car with him...

He asked where I was going, and I replied "Any way the wind blows". He
smiled, I knew he'd like that.

I chose my words carefully as we
chatted, my nerves were shot but I had to ask him some questions. I noticed a half open
tub of pasta salad on the floor at my feet, this guy wasn't stopping. This was
my one chance. I knew that he'd just finished a tour.

So,
Mr Preston, sir, how are you? Are you on your way home?

"Yeah, Well I’m
ok, I’ve just got off a tour."

Good time to relax, touring must be tiring I thought,
if only I actually knew.

I resisted the urge to talk about his time with Frank
Zappa for all of 10 seconds. Then I just couldn’t help myself, I had to find out how they'd met.

"You mean how did
I meet Frank? Well ahh, we were both
playing at a festival in different bands, and we were kinda stuck on the same
stage in the middle of this venue, there were like about four stages. Anyway we
met each other and exchanged cards."

And you all
liked each other’s music?

"Yeah, very much,
like he had the same records that I did and vice versa so we kinda gravitated
toward each other that way and I had a band that was rehearsing, it was an
experimental band and I invited Zappa to come over and he came over and really
liked it a lot. Bunk was in the band at the time. We were improvising to films
of microscopic life and other weird films and Zappa came over a whole bunch of
times bringing some film with him as well, but that’s how we kinda got to know each other."

I'd heard a lot about Frank Zappa from magazines and
documentaries, but here was my chance to really find out, so I asked what he was like when they first
started off.

"He was very
warm, very nice, very intelligent, later on he became a bit of a tyrant trying
to get the best out of the music that he could. But at that time he was more
interested in just getting someone to play his music and he was grateful to
have someone play his music."

A tyrant eh? I
dug deeper, did he change?

"Not really, I
mean uhh… I think really when I played with the 74 band I did see a change.
Then he was more business-like, he was more demanding of the music, but still
having a lot of fun."

Anyway, I said, enough of Frank, what about you? You've
performed with so many amazing people and played at so many amazing places.
What has your career highlight been?

"Well I would
have to say that probably one of the early highlights would have to be playing
in the Concertgebouwin Amsterdam. That was a place that I know as a child because I had
a number of records that were recorded there like the rites of spring for
instance. I had a 78 recording of that. So when I get there and I’m sitting on
the stage I was kind of overwhelmed, it was such an incredible thing."

Wow, I thought with a hint of jealousy, incredible… So who were you with at that time?

"That was the first
band, you know Jimmy Carl Black, I believe Ray Collins and Billy Mundi, Roy
Estrada, Bunk Gardner and Ian Underwood I think was in the band by that time
actually no, Ian wasn’t in the band at that time I don’t think."

Now you’ve had
so many highpoints, there must have been low points?"

Uhh… Well one of
the problems with that question is that people don’t remember that bad parts of
their lives as well as they remember the good parts… I can’t answer that other
than one of the low points was when the band split up!"

We laughed for a while at this, the guy had an amazing
life and career, who would want to remember the bad times?

He slipped a CD into the deck and we listened without
talking for a while. I studied the CD cover, ‘We’re only in it for the money’, it was worth
the silence. I studied the cover art, a parody of the Sgt. Pepper album, I
spotted Don, in the front and thought to myself 'wow this man has played with so many amazing people', I wondered aloud if there was anyone he would
like to have played with?

"Oh ha ha ha! Well,
I would say one of the person I would love to have played with was Elvin Jones,
'cos I played with him for two years when I was very young and I only played
bass, so I would have loved to have been able to play with him when I was more
developed and also play keyboard with him."

The album finished and I searched for my favourite,
the tune ‘Anything’ from the album ‘Cruising with Ruben and the Jets’, I couldn’t see it in
his collection so I asked him what his
favourite song was?

"One of my own
songs? One of my favourite songs is called ‘Inner Blues’ that was on a trio
album I did. [The Don Preston Trio 2001 – Transformation]"

As we pulled off the highway I guessed that my time
would be over soon.

I remember the kids in my home town thinking I was
crazy to still be drifting like I did, I
wondered what Don thought Frank would say if he knew Don was still touring with
the Grandmothers? He replied,

"Ha ha, he’d
probably be amazed as I am."

Don said he was turning off and I
knew what that meant, time for me to leave him.

We pulled up on the side of the road, I
got out and we said our goodbyes.

But I had to ask just one more question,
and there could only be one to ask…

Do you use a
chicken to measure it?

"Actually I did
have a number of chickens to measure it and I find that people are always
presenting me with these chickens you know when I go on a tour. So I’ve
collected about 5 of them so far. So yes, I have used a chicken to measure that
I have quite a few chickens!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OVfRPCqUM8

I watched as he drove off; my hero. I
would never see him again but that lift would stand as the greatest I ever had
while I was on the road. I might never have another chance to rub shoulders with greatness, but at least I still
had my music. And, as he disappeared into the sunset, I shaded my eyes as the sun glinted off something shiny on the
back seat of his car. I thought for a minute that it was a spark of his genius
but no, it wasn’t until I went to pick up my belongings that I realised - aww
shucks - it was my Gibson.