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31 Flavors of Gender Disappointment

GD is a funny thing. It can come in any form, at any time. It happens to women having their first child, or women having their sixth. It can happen to young moms, older moms, dads, grandparents, brothers and sisters. It can happen no matter the gender of your kids, whenever that dream in your heart does not mesh with reality. And though you may feel guilty or ashamed, and wonder how you can be having these feelings, you are not alone. No one’s feelings are any more or less legitimate than any one else’s. We are all here to help and support each other.

GD seems to come in a variety of flavors. Many seem to feel that moms with several of one gender of child are the only ones who ‘deserve’ to have GD, but the reality is very different. Here are some examples –

Some of us wanted only one child of a certain gender

Some of us wanted a ‘pigeon pair’, one boy and one girl

Some of us wanted children of all of only one gender

Some of us wanted to give an older child a playmate of the same or opposite sex

Some of us feel closer to our children of a certain gender, and even though we have both, we have a preference for one

Some of us lost a child, or have a handicapped child, and want another child of that same gender, or of the opposite gender so our child does not feel pressure to be a replacement

Everyone’s story is unique and exceptional, and we are all entitled to our feelings. It doesn’t matter if you have children of both genders, you can still have GD. Even if you seem to have the ideal family that others would love to have, you can still have GD. Please, please don’t feel guilty or hesitate to share your story. No matter what ‘flavor’ of GD you have, there are others out there who feel the same.