You Are Reading This Title

If you read this sentence, you will never be happy again. Any attempt to escape the consequences of reading the sentence will further entrench you in your despair. Any attempt to understand the mechanisms at work behind or beneath the sentence push you ever farther away from happiness and towards its extreme opposite, whatever that may be for you personally.

If you read this paragraph, you will be unable to connect with those around you. This paragraph will create a block in your mind that will forever inhibit your ability to see the intrinsic beauty and divinity latent in all things, isolating you to solipsism. Any attempt to escape the consequences of reading this paragraph will disable you from paying the attention necessary to give your friends and loved ones feelings of importance, security, and comfort. They will cry out to you, literally or figuratively, for help – having been born with no clear instruction manual for proper survival – and you will neglect them permanently. Any attempt to understand the mechanisms at work behind or beneath this paragraph will occlude you to their inculpability.

If you continue to read this text, you will lose the ability to make meaning of your actions. This text is designed specifically to keep you from seeing yourself as intricately linked to the entirety of the human endeavor. Any attempt to escape the consequences of reading this text will categorically deny you any understanding of yourself as the result of generations of humans before and around you and cause of generations of humans around and after you. Any attempt to understand the mechanisms at work behind or beneath this text will destroy the link between the molecules that make up your body and the Big Bang. You will not be able to ask yourself or those around you, “Oh my god! What the hell is happening to us?”

If you looked at the above picture, you will no longer be able to eliminate systematic human suffering. Any attempt to escape the consequences of looking at the above picture will keep major social institutions from asking the fundamental question “Oh my god! What the hell is happening to us?” They will not engage in or endorse practices that lead to a healthy attempt to comprehend that question. Any attempt to understand the mechanisms at work behind or beneath the interpretation of the above picture will redirect human progress away from achieving any sense of semi-harmonious living.

Do not look at the following chart:

If you looked at the previous chart and attempted to understand its placement in this text, you will not be able ask yourself “Oh my God! What the hell are we that is happening to me?” Any attempt to understand the aforementioned concept will prevent you from feeling any positive sensations in the future. You will experience no sense of joy at the fact that you can even experience a sense of joy in the first place.

The following quote by Alan Watts, in his lecture “The Future of Communications”, should never be read:

I am talking to you and you understand what my words mean – situation A. Situation B- taking situation A as a whole, my talking to you and you understanding what I mean – what does that situation mean? And we find that it doesn’t mean anything. When we say something is meaningless, we’re putting it down. But, on the other hand, when you consider a mountain or a cloud or a tree and ask what does it mean, you realize that it’s not a word; it’s simply an authentic existence in its own right. It doesn’t mean anything, but it’s great.

The above quote should never be thought of juxtaposed with what Buckminster Fuller said in an interview with The Graduate Review in 1976:

I think we’re coming out of a group womb of permitted ignorance. We are beginning to understand that our enormous cushion of resources —the original excessively-abundant living supply of life support in the biosphere — was provided only to permit us to make all the mistakes by trial and error and come to the discovery that our mind is everything and our muscle is nothing. We’re coming out of that group womb.

Any attempt to ferret out a connection between the two quotes will keep you from doing anything spontaneous. If you seek a reason for the placement of those quotes in this text, you will not be optimistic. You will not be in love.

If you read this sentence, you will never fully understand the role that you play in the Gaza strip.

This sentence will keep you from having deja vu.

This sentence will inhibit your ability to appreciate an athlete, musician, artist, or gym teacher’s skill.

If you discuss this text with anyone, you will not be able to look them in the eyes and see them as something altogether miraculous, the conversation as anything other than banal – just another thing that happens throughout the day. Any attempt to escape the consequences of discussing this text will blind you to the uniqueness in another person. Any attempt to understand the mechanisms behind or beneath a discussion of this text will prevent you from connecting emotionally with the person with whom you are engaged in conversation. If you discuss this text with anyone, not only will you never be happy again, but neither will anyone else.

You Are Reading This Title was last modified: September 18th, 2015 by Mike Molitch-hou

Michael Molitch-Hou is the founder of The Reality™ Institute, inventor of the why-to, a graduate of the MFA Critical Studies Program at CalArts, and an advocate of world peace. His work has been published in The Outline, Motherboard, Trop and Entropy. He currently resides in Oregon with his magical wife, Danielle, and works as the Managing Editor for Engineering.com.

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