Domestic abuse - also called domestic violence or intimate partner violence - occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic abuse can take many forms, including emotional, sexual, and physical abuse or threats of abuse. It is kept a secret out of shame or embarrassment. Most often, domestic violence is directed toward women, but women can also abuse. It can take place between partners in same sex relationships. Sometimes it is hard to recognize, sometimes it isn't, but the most difficult thing for most victims is to ask for help.

Domestic abuse can be difficult to identify and it often has many signs you cannot physically see. Some relationships are clearly and physically abusive; often abuse starts subtly and gets worse over time. Some ways domestic violence is seen are when an abuse: calls you names, insults you or puts you down alone or in front of others, prevents you from going to work or school, stops you from seeing family or friends, controls how you spend money, where you go, or what you wear, acts jealous/possessive or accuses you of being unfaithful, gets angry when using alcohol or drugs, threatens you with weapons or physical violence like hitting, kicking, strangulation, or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets, forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will, blames you for the violent behavior or says you deserve it, threatens to disclose a secret like sexual orientation.

If you are in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern: Your abuser threatens violence, your abuser strikes, your abuser apologizes, promises to change, and the cycle repeats itself. Typically, the violence becomes more aggressive over time.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the effect on your self-esteem. You could become anxious or depressed and begin to wonder if the abuse is actually your fault. You might feel helpless or that no one believes you. If you're in a same sex relationship, you might be less likely to seek help after an assault if you don't want to disclose your sexual orientation. Still, the only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to tell someone you trust.

Don't keep it a secret. You could start by telling someone, whether it's a friend, loved one, health care provider, or other close contact. It can be hard to talk about the abuse at first, but often victims feel relief and receive needed support. Often friends and family can support you in finding help in the community to address the abuse. When you find support, you can often find the courage to make a change.

Be safe, make a plan, tell someone. It starts there. If you think this is happening to you or someone you love, please call the Safe Harbor domestic violence hotline 1-800-452.7640 to help 24 hours a day, seven days a week to talk to an advocate about what to do. We can help.