Hygienic garbage and statues of brooms to make ‘Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan’ a success

New Delhi: Garbage as an Indian icon and Modi as Indian PM are not likely to vanish from the Indian landscape any time soon, therefore, the government has decided to identify a spot in each district where ‘Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan’ could be implemented, propagated and kept alive.

G S Mathur the Joint Secretary with the ministry justified the project, when he said, “Just as God resides in everyone’s heart but we worship him in temples, mosques, gurdwaras and churches; in a negative context of this example, garbage resides in every home, locality and area but we shall symbolically clean it from Swachh Sthansevery week.”

Modi laying foundation stone broom for Swach Sthans

“It makes sense to make Swachh Sthans as permanent memorials measuring 1-2 acres, having a giant statue of a broom in every district of India. We propose a budget of Rs 5000 crores for this project,” he added.

“Sterile and hygienic garbage shall be officially placed at the Swachh Sthans by our employees every Saturday evening along with a dozen brand new brooms, garlands and incense sticks to be cleaned by local counsellor, MLA and their appendage on Sunday mornings,” revealed the Assistant Commissioner (Operations) of a municipality in Maharashtra.

Meanwhile a firm doing research on the root cause of the problem has found that Indians’ alienation and non-belongingness with their garbage is to blamed.

“All of us always throw our own apartment’s garbage in the next block, out of our ‘nose shot’,” R P Gupta a resident of a ‘Co-operative’ housing complex told the surveyor. “We thus have a right to blame the government for not keeping our area clean since it is someone else who has thrown the garbage outside my apartment,” he further added.

“Swachh Sthan is the answer to all these issues. I am going there this Sunday for prayers as many press reporters are covering Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan”, responded Parvesh Mehndiratta the municipal counsellor to the complaint from Gupta.

Faking News learns secretly that after exhausting the Swachh Sthan option, the Modi government has contemplated a new scheme to be called Modi’s National Employment Scheme for Garbage Alleviation (MNESGA) on the lines of MNREGA whereby direct cash transfer shall be made to every household’s bank account if, as and when he maintains cleanliness in his surroundings.

“Filthiness and thalua-panti have been a hallmark of Indian tradition. They can’t go away just like that with MNESGA and MNREGA,” G P Rao, a social scientist from IIM B claimed.

“No amount should be budgeted by the government for MNESGA as I don’t expect any household to qualify under it,” he concluded.

Meanwhile, to involve armchair activists more and more people, government is also planning to initiate “Flying-Kiss of Hate Campaign”, in which participants will keep garbage on their hands and blow in a direction towards the dustbin.