Covering topics on religion, philosophy and life, this blog attempts to make biblical truths simple for the average believer. As porridge is soft to aid digestion, so the blog contents are easily understood.
However, there is also meaty stuff for those who aspire to go deeper. The relevance of the Bible in our daily life (areas such as finances, sex, marriage, health and emotional healing) is also dealt with.

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Thursday, 3 May 2012

HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Marital bliss, like trouble-free motoring, depends on one thing:
Follow the prescribed manual.

Following a car’s
instruction manual is necessary if we’re to experience trouble-free motoring. If not, we might just
pour water into the transmission fluid compartment, resulting in severe damage
to the car.

When it comes to marriage,
however, many rather use their own wisdom than consult God’s manual, the Bible.
But can this old-fashioned book offer
guidelines today on love and marriage?

Marriage under attack.

Mae West was quoted as
saying, “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an
institution.” In fact, many share her cynical view of marriage— it is not just confined to Hollywood celebrities
who flit from one bedmate to another.

Today, the institution of
marriage has come under attack from so
many quarters. Man has rationalised practices like fornication, trial
marriages, co-habitation, homosexuality, adultery, divorce and re-marriage.

Being faithful to one
partner throughout life seems too restrictive. “It just doesn’t work that way,”
they say. “It’s not in vogue—
at least not for modern thinking liberated men
and women.” They cannot perceive that following the Maker’s manual is for their
own good.

Marriage— God’s idea.

“It is not good for man to
be alone, I will make a helpmate fit for him.” Since creation, God’s plan is
for a man and woman to leave their parents and be joined together intimately in
a permanent relationship. They were to be “one flesh” for as long as they lived
on earth (Genesis 2:24).That’s what the manual dictates.

Jesus emphasises that what
God has joined together, let no man put asunder.There was to be no divorce,
except on the grounds of adultery. Re-marriage is considered adultery, except
when the spouse has died; only then the survivor is free to marry again
(Matthew 19:6,9).

Paul held a high view of
marriage, comparing the marriage
relationship to that between Christ and the church: “Submit to one another out
of reverence for Christ. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must
submit to your husbands in everything.
And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed
the church” (Ephesians 5: 21,24,25). If married couples embrace these
principles of mutual respect, submission and love, less marriages will end up on the rocks.

Social upheaval.

A family is the basic unit
of society. It affords a certain measure of stability in the love relationship
between a man and a woman. Their offspring who receive love, protection,
guidance and education are more likely to grow up into morally and socially
responsible citizens than those from dysfunctional families.

But divorce threatens to
tear apart the fabric of a harmonious society. Single parents have to play the
role of breadwinner as well as nurturer. Children, left with minimal love and
attention, often become delinquent. The hurt, regret and bitterness, which
affect all parties in a divorce, linger
on long after the legal battle is over.

Sociologist Stella Quah of
the National University of Singapore, in a comparative study of families in
Asia, found a high degree of correlation between economic development and
divorce rates: “Japan, Singapore and Hong Kong, which are highly developed
places in Asia, have higher rates of divorce.” In a highly developed country,
couples have a tougher time balancing material pursuits with marriage demands.
Another factor is that the more financially independent women are, the less
likely they will tolerate their philandering husbands’ ‘nonsense.’ Is this the price we have to pay
for economic progress?

Forbidden fruit

While the Bible expressly
warns against sexual immorality, it nevertheless celebrates the joys of marital
sex. “Drink water from your own well -- share your love only with your wife.
Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You
should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers” (Proverbs
5:15-17).

We delight in eating out,
enjoying various Western, Chinese,Thai or Japanese cuisine, because we believe
variety is the spice of life. As long as it stays within the realm of food,
nothing is amiss morally. But some choose to extrapolate this analogy to
extra-marital affairs. Yes, forbidden fruit tastes sweet. But it also exacts a
heavy price. It may be loss of public office, financial loss, constant strife
or the bane of STD (sexually transmitted diseases). It wouldn’t have happened
if they had set a guard on their thoughts and affections: “Above all else, guard
your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

The wise decide to “eat at
home.” They learn to be creative as a couple in an exclusive relationship,
knowing full well God sanctions what goes on between the sheets on the marriage
bed.

Understanding basic differences.

We may not fully agree with
John Gray (author ofMen Are from Mars, Women
Are from Venus) that men and
women are as different as beings from different planets. But understanding the
gender difference in communication styles and emotional needs is often the
first step towards building a happy marriage.

Basically, women tend to be
more emotional. Their talk aims at intimacy. Men, however, are usually more
practical and task-oriented. They focus objectively on the solution to the
problem.

Apart from gender
differences, differences in personality, values, socio-economic background,
family upbringing and even dialect can drive a wedge between a married couple.
Even though we are Chinese, I, being a Hokkien, find it difficult, at times, to
adjust to the mindset of my wife who is Cantonese. Our customs and attitudes
towards money are quite different.

The key is to acknowledge
that differences will always be there, learn to accept what cannot be changed
and celebrate our diversity.

Conflict resolution.

No matter how hard we try
to whittle away the rough edges which irritate our partner, conflicts are bound
to arise. The stress of balancing work and home demands often leave people
exhausted. When our nerves are frazzled, it takes only a minor misunderstanding
for a major blowup to occur.

Whether tempers flare or a
‘cold war’ rages, both are unsatisfactory ways to resolve a conflict. In the
case of the former, bitter words might
be exchanged in the heat of the moment with disastrous, often irreversible,
consequences.

Repression of feelings,
however, is no better. It can cause the
root of bitterness to grow (Hebrews 12:15). Bitterness is a self-induced
misery. A bitter person is his or her own worst enemy. It triggers a negative
chain reaction—
hatred,
self-pity, desires for revenge and arrogance.

The way out of a bad patch
is communication and forgiveness. Open up the avenues of gut-level
communication. Be frank, let it all out. Learn to listen. Don’t put a label on
a person but state the problem: “Your bad habit annoys me, not you are an utter
failure.” As God forgives us, we too must learn to forgive each other whatever
the bone of contention—
money,
sex, in-laws or differing views on bringing up children.

An arduous journey.

The road to success in
marriage is winding and arduous. It is like a long car journey. To stay the
course, to avoid crashing out in divorce or landing up in the pothole of infidelity, we need to be focused and vigilant.

The above article was first published in Asian Beacon
magazine, February 2009, issue 41.1