Sean has moved on

After a month-plus of Sean struggling with his lingering feelings for Maria, it appears he’s moved on.

He was was back home this weekend, visiting family and friends, when he ran into a former classmate. Coincidently, he’s been talking about her for a few weeks. And, before heading for home, he’d said to me he was hoping he may see her.

“Beth” is a girl he liked in high school, and for much of college. At the time, she had a casual interest, but felt he wasn’t “mature enough” (he was, as he’d admit, a bit of a punk back in those days). So, they remained friends.

Now, nearly a decade later, he says he’s changed (he has), but his interest in Beth has not.

Thing is, their meeting wasn’t exactly what he’d hoped. He and his friend were out at a bar after a day-long festival. By the time they ran into “Beth,” sober was not exactly a word you could use to describe them.

He talked with her for awhile, catching up on years and years of … life. Conversation was difficult. Not only because he was impaired, but because she “looked so amazing in that black dress, it was hard to concentrate.”

At the end of the night, he invited her to lunch the following day (before leaving town) and asked for her phone number.

She was noncommittal about lunch, but did offer up her phone number. The next day, he asked what he should do. Based on his exchange with her, I told him to wait it out, not push lunch, but email her later this week or next to say hello.

At 11 a.m. yesterday he sent this text:

“Hey, I took an earlier flight back (home). It was good to see you last nite…hopefully (my friend) and I weren’t completely obnoxious.”

So much for my advice.

An hour later he texted me, asking what I thought of his message to her. He hadn’t heard back, and was having second thoughts about texting.

It also appears that the little bit of thought that he has put into Beth is far more than she has put into him. He is in danger of creating a trap for himself of idealizing a fantasy. Beth has no interest, and would run for the hills if she knew what his present situation is. He certainly didn’t increase his chances at a possible reconciliation with his “new” first impression. My recommendation is that he should not pursue a new relationship with anybody, and spend at least six months to a year re-learning how to be a “me” again instead of an “us.” He must reflect on all the reasons that all his past relationships failed, and work to improve on any of his deficiencies so he will be better prepared for the next one.

I agree with Mike in Albany. Sean is seeming more and more like a really needy guy. First, he can’t get over this woman who has treated him like garbage. Then, he can’t seem to be alone with his cell phone without the constant supervision of his friends. Then, he needs to have another girlfriend in order to feel better about himself. Finally, he decides that he’s still interested in some crush from high school?? Come on, now… this is borderline pathetic.

He may have an excellent job and be financially secure, but it doesn’t make up for his emotional insecurities. Also, I find it very suspect that (assuming he’s approximately 30) he still needs to go out and get drunk with his buddies. Shouldn’t he have grown out of that whole thing? I hope for Beth’s sake that she didn’t find that whole package so compelling… the more I read about this guy, the more distasteful he becomes.

Maybe Mike’s suggestion of taking some time “off” to get his act together is a good one — but, some people, sadly, never grow up. I suspect this may turn out to be the case for Sean.