As the originator noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird science ouryoung scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades."

Please note that the original spelling has been left intact.

NOTE: Some of this has also appeared in "Anguished English" byRichard Lederer.

1. "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and theabominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax containsthe heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."

2. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a freestate."

3. "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

4. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a testtube."

5. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

6. "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is puregin. Hydrogin is gin and water."