(22 January 2016, Michigan) Referred to as a "distracted driver," Clifford
Ray Jones, 58, was driving without pants -- without seatbelt -- and with a
porno flick screening on his mobile device. Add a wide-open sunroof on a
cold winter Sunday, and you have a recipe for disaster.

He should have kept his hands on the wheel instead of the stick. In the
wee hours (at 3:40am) Clifford's Toyota went out of control on the onramp
to I-75, rolled, and crashed, ejaculating our hero through the sunroof in a
spectacular climax to his life. Come and gone, Clifford and his beloved
wanky will be fondly remembered in our archives.