And also “Hark, what light through yonder window breaks?” I mean, really, if anyone said that to me I’d be phoning the men with the white coats. Shakespeare isn’t the only one who wrote things that aren’t quite true to life. We authors write fiction. We embellish, we spray paint, we nail boards over the shonky bits and maybe even stomp on the fingers of the less handsome guys so they don’t inhabit our stories. And readers know this and mostly don’t mind.

Yet when it comes to writing Doms in BDSM stories even though they may be polished to the nth degree and gold-plated and given appendages a frickin elephant would be proud of, there seems to be a tendency to pine after these perfect specimens of manhood in a way that does not happen with the average romance.

I’m thinking this is partly because many women hide their secret desire for BDSM in a deep place inside their head and never ever let it out, until one day they start to read about it in novels and suddenly, wow, they realize they are not as freaky as they thought. There’s even a name for this phenomenon and it’s called sub frenzy. We humans love to label things.

And yet, a real man, Dom or not, knows he is not perfect. Those who beg to differ should be swiftly shoved off their pedestal and buried under some manure to honor their passing.

In a way, 31 Flavors was written to fill a gap in the erotic fiction field of books. This is a story based on a true story. It is not told exactly as it happens but the majority of it did happen. The woman it is based on is a friend of mine and agreed to tell her story because she wanted to show how she negotiated the minefield she confronted when she asked her husband, Nick, to tie her up and spank her. It’s not an easy thing to do. Fear governs much of what we do. It stops us dead in our tracks. Makes us feel a little sick even when the consequences can rock our world. The possibility that Sidney might alienate the one man she loved made the step she took a mammoth one in her life. I applaud her courage.

But this book is more than just sex and love. In one reviewer’s words (Angelina from this website)

“It’s serious, funny, sad, and HOT all wrapped up in a wonderful story with very relatable characters.”But one of the funniest things, in a quirky way, to come out of this story is that some in the BDSM community may regard what Sid and Nick did as wrong, as not following the correct procedure or rules. People always like their rules – even the very fringe-of-society rule-breakers themselves. To which all Leia and I can do is scratch our heads and say, But they are in love, and happy. What can be wrong with that? Or as Angelina also aptly said,

“There is no one-size fits all when it comes to sex or BDSM for that matter. There is no checklist to guide you through the exact way to experience BDSM.”

If you read 31 Flavors, may you enjoy it, mistakes and all, and may you yourself gain some happiness. Life is what you make of it.

Help us celebrate 31 Flavors’ release, Say hello to Leia and Cari and

Leave questions and comments about the book, they will be answering questions throughout the day.

They are also giving away a $20 gift card to Amazon or B&N, to one lucky commenter!!!

Angeline’s Q & A with Leia

1. What inspired you to write 31 Flavors?The story started with a mutual friend describing her experience in exploring BDSM with her vanilla husband and how it improved her rather dismal sex life. We were both caught up in her story because, like many women, she’d been raped as a teenager and sex had always been uncomfortable. But through the use of BDSM, and a very wonderful husband, she was able to heal from the part of the trauma that affected her sex life. That was the first part. The second reason we wanted to write it is because we’d both been active enough in BDSM social circles and groups to hear many women desperate to find that “perfect Dom.” The kind we read in fiction books. And they are scrumptious, aren’t they? But they’re not real. And we kept seeing women fall victim to abusers or who were leaving their husbands because they weren’t “Dom” enough for them. And that was really sad to me. So when presented with what we see as a real version of BDSM in an imperfect but loving and committed relationship, we jumped on it. And 31 Flavors was born.

2. How did you decide to co-author this story with Cari?Honestly that part was easy. Cari and I have opposite strengths. I write gooey romance with lots of humor and my strength is dialogue. Cari is freakin’ awesome at writing sex and descriptions and has experience in writing BDSM. We wanted the book to be a good balance of both. So I wrote the basic story, beginning to end, most of the comedy and romantic elements and Cari filled in the sex scenes and also helped with the humor and all that good stuff. We weren’t sure at first but as it turns out, we CAN write a book without killing each other (though living on separate continents helped). But really, there were hardly any threats of violence at all.

3. Who do you think will be most affected by reading 31 Flavors (i.e. beginners, seasoned BDSM’rs)? Why?

Personally I think it’s a story for everyone. So far it seems regular romance readers are deeply touched by it. Women who read light BDSM love it. Readers who love heavy or pure BDSM seem to have a harder time with it. It isn’t so much a fantasy story as a touching, sweet, sometimes sad, often funny journey of a husband and wife reconnecting in ways they never thought possible. Do they do BDSM like a pro, or like they do in a club? No. But that doesn’t mean the sex scenes aren’t scorching hot (and they are!). A few readers have written us privately to say they cried through parts. Others laughed until they cried. And many women have said they relate so closely with the characters and the story, it’s been like a gift to them. It’s so overwhelming and amazing to hear that. We poured our hearts into this story and want readers to be equally as affected as we were. It’s a story of hope and love and trust. We hope readers will see that too.

4. I love the balance between a somewhat serious topic being discussed with humor. Was it easy or difficult to take this approach?

Easy for me cause it’s what I do. I’m am irreverent, low-brow, sarcasm-loving writer. But life is too short not to laugh often. There’s a time and a place for serious, yes, but humor can soften a blow, deflect anger, distract from pain, cover insecurity, lift despair, make friends, heal wounds, it even has physical effects like releasing endorphins and relaxing your muscles. Our book addresses things like rape, anxiety, insecurity, embarrassment, desire, fear, trust, pain – it’d be pretty depressing if we didn’t add humor here and there. And the heroine maintains her sense of humor through the ups and downs of her imperfect journey into BDSM. If you can’t laugh at yourself once in a while, I feel bad for you cause life is just gonna suck.

5. If you could pick one thing you want your readers to take away from 31 Flavors, what would it be?

There is no right or wrong way to have sex with your partner. There’s an assortment of flavors for bedroom play and none are better than the other so long as the doors of communication are open and the partners are honest with one another. But most of all, in whatever you’ve been through, in your needs, your desires, your fantasies – you are not alone.

72 thoughts on “31 Flavors Release Party & Contest!”

I just started reading the book and I can identify with the characters. My husband and I have been married 14 years. I have been longing for more and do find it hard to discuss this due to my upbringing. We are just now rediscovering our relationship. We don’t have lots of knowledge in the BDSM scene but are having fun learning. I crave a Dom and my hubby works to fulfill that. It is definitely working for us. Thanks for writing this!! It helps me to know that I don’t need fixing , just someone to make me submit!Mel

Mbourn – that’s so amazing to hear! and you have a great husband to try to fulfill that for you. i know many who say that’s wrong and they shouldn’t be “forced”. but what i’ve found is most men WANT to please their wives and can do a pretty damn good job stepping into the role they need. yay for you!

Catherine – i would consider 31 Flavors pretty light for BDSM. it’s a good intro book because it shows a slow journey into BDSM by two newbies so nothing should come out of the blue and shock you (i don’t think). but the h/h relationship is unique to most BDSM books because it’s not really the fantasy “dom” most women like to read about. the sex scenes are hot and Nick does a great job filling a role. but i wouldn’t say he’s an uber dom like you might drool over if this is really your thing. overall, it’s a story that will make you laugh and tug at your heartstrings a bit. if that’s something you like, then go for it. besides, it’s only 99 cents. can’t beat that!

What I loved about this book is that it wasn’t the typical BDSM type books wher most of the action centers around a club, or heavy scene play (although I love those books)- this was centered around a stable marraige that yes,had its flaws expecially sexually, but they love eachother and have the courage to explore this together. Most women (and Im sure men)live with the our “dirty little secret” that they are interested in BDSM but are afraid to even bring it up to our “vanilla” partners. I also love how this book tries to show that there is no wrong or right in BDSM- its as individual as the people participating.

“Most women (and Im sure men)live with the our “dirty little secret” that they are interested in BDSM but are afraid to even bring it up to our “vanilla” partners.”

so true Ava. and i think many people would find that their partners are more open than they think. it takes a lot of courage and i admire the people that can do it. but the important thing the books conveys is that honest communication is key.

I have to say this was an amazing book, I connected with the characters in an amazing way, it was like looking in a mirror of my begginning marriage. I deeply thank you both for such an amazing gift, keep up the good work ans as always lots of love, Mary.

After starting to read some BDSM books, I’m trying to lead my husband into trying some of the milder stuff. Neither of us is into pain, but we both have fantasies of being tied up. Your books sounds like a wonderful way to gently introduce us to more.

Karen – you’ll like this book i think. though the heroine is a bit of a masochist the pain aspect if very mild especially compared to other bdsm books (literally just a little spanking). lots of bondage though! and you’ll laugh at their stumbles and mistakes. it’s my favorite part 🙂

I read the book with a lot of thoughts on how I could use this myself. I am the closet reader who dreams of starting my relationship with my partner in the BDSM direction.I was wondering though. Does the real life Nick know that his wife disclosed what she did in the book? Did he read it himself? Does he have any plans to pursue his own book to encompass his side of the journey?

“Does the real life Nick know that his wife disclosed what she did in the book? Did he read it himself? Does he have any plans to pursue his own book to encompass his side of the journey?”

of course he knows about the book. i would never write something that wasn’t agreed upon by both members. he’s said he read parts of it and called it very “insightful” but according to sidney, he’s not the talkative type. i don’t think he plans on doing his side of the journey but i’ve learned not to rule anything out. we’ve had several people ask about that already though. it does make me wonder. hmmm… how much do you think we could pay him to give us his side? 😉

It wasn’t until I started reading erotic fiction, romance or not, that things started spicing up in hubs and I life. I realized just how vanilla we were. That said, there are things that hubs says no but hell no to, but in the end it has helped us.

I love reading BDSM and really, since they are newbies, the humor is spot on and real. I was howling in parts and reading it out loud to the hubs. He thought it was funny, too.

Harlie – so glad you liked it! and that’s awesome you read it to hubs 🙂 i don’t know if i’m brave enough. lol. you’re right though that it’s just as important to lay out what BOTH couples are comfortable with, not just the one getting tied up!

erica – i went to the sex store and wrote that scene from my experience. with sidney’s help. which worked out well cause it was my first time in one too. lol. but we did lots of research as well. like i said in the interview, this isn’t Cari’s first BDSM book.

I’m single, but have a long time “friend” I’ve gradually worked on getting him to be a little “rougher”, I think one of the biggest challenges is getting some men to get out of the mindset that “spanking” pulling hair, etc…is a form of abuse, not pleasure.

Thank you Cari and Leia for a great book and for sharing your release day with us!

Didi – you’re absolutely right. men nowadays are raised being told that women can do anything, are just as good as men, aren’t weaker and don’t need protecting, etc. which is a good thing. but the point of feminism is to have equal rights. and those “rights” include being spanked when we want to be spanked! lol! but yes, i think it’s probably hard for a lot of men to get beyond “never hit a girl” because no one ever told them, “never hit a girl…unless they ask you to.”

This has been one of my favorite books to read and review. I have already read it a second time and enjoyed it just as much. I truly believe that 31 Flavors does a huge service for those of us that want more in our sex life but aren’t sure how to ask for it. Honest communication is the key. Along with all the other stuff I mention in my review. :o)

Everyone should read this book!! It’s fantastic!! Thank you Leia and Cari for giving it to us!!

I have never read a BDSM book before, but there is something about this one that is pulling me toward it. I seriously want to read it. I want to read about this couple’s journey in rediscovering each other and learning what makes the other happy.

alyn love – yep. that’s what the book is all about. poor sidney fantasizing and needing more to get turned on. but slowly she gets up the courage to ask to be tied up. it’s awkward and uncomfortable at first but by the end…well…you’ll just have to read it and see. but it has a very happy ending 🙂

Sorry I’m late to the party. Hope you left me some wine? I’m Australian so it’s morning here. A lot of wonderful comments up there and Leia has been answering so well! This book does seem to resonate with many women.

@Carrie, yes you said it all so well and thank you for the compliment. Taking the taboo out is something we need to do. Sex should not be shameful.@Timitra, I hope you enjoy the book. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think of it 🙂@Menina 31 Flavors was very interesting to write for that reason. Real is always better than fantasy 🙂@Tamara I’m so sorry to hear that 🙁 This book is only one woman’s journey but we hope it will help others to do the same and explore new territory with their partners. (Hugs)

Having read the book and loving it- I just have a word of advice to someone in the lifestyle reading the book… do not judge by what you think the “right way” of BDSM should be- everyone is different and the bottom line is: it is what it is…. This is their life- whether anyone else likes it or not… I am just so glad it worked out for them and I laughed and cried right along with them… excellent book!

Yes Fiona , writing ‘real’ is different. Most other types of true sexuality stories are pretty much capitalising on the erotic factor. or they go for a non-fic style.

Not to say we didn’t aim for erotic as that way the book has a wide appeal, but we wanted to show the way a couple in love can find their way through the difficulties of introducing BDSM into their sex life.

Truthfully we didn’t show enough talking in 31. Sid and Nick talked WAY more about this than we could put in the story. You simply cannot do this if you’re not both searching for common ground by communicating.

Thank you Melanie. Yes we have had some people knocking the ‘way’ the BDSM is approached in 31 Flavors. It is what it is — yes, exactly. In some ways Sid and Nick’s relationship is more S/m than Dominance and submission.

Since the book was written they have gravitated to more D/s. Bottom line is they are BOTH enjoying it more and more each day and trying new things and are so happy together.

I really can’t wait to read 31 Flavors, it sounds like the story of my husband and my life, though we neer had a lack luster sex life. When I started reading Lorelei James and Tymber Dalton several years ago, I decided to see what my man thought of it all. We had a kinky sex life when the kids were young. We added BDSM back into our life in a more serious way and it has brought us closer together. We communicate better and we hae raunchy yummy sex as often as we can.

I almost fee guilty telling everyone that after 18 years with my husband we still have it great in the bedroom. We have worked very hard at maintaining that connection. We’ve had our share of differences but we always work through them. I knew going into our marriage that sex was very very important to him and it had to be a priority in our personal relationship. I’d say our sex life is kinky for the most part, but not really BDSM.

He really is a true Dom in his heart and soul, but often has trouble working through that with me. He knows what to do, is capable of it and just can’t seem to separate the husband from the lover. I think he is afraid of crossing a line and not getting back. I don’t know any other way to describe his actions other than he hesitates, almost like he lacks the confidence to follow through. I have no doubt that if we were with other people (not an option for either of us- ever) he would be a wonderful Dom. I know he just thinks too much and puts too much worry into his actions. I have never needed to use a safe word, but he has never really pushed any boundaries either.

I am totally happy with the sex life we have. Wish we could have sex more often, but with 3 kids its hard. I do think he could be more fulfilled, but it is something he will have to work out if he wants to make the effort. And when and if that time comes I’ll do whatever it takes to get him there!

This book is coming up soon on my Kindle (after The Reluctant Dom, because I’ll need something lighter then). I get lots of messages from women trying to figure out how to talk with their husbands about their interest in BDSM. I used to send them to Cherise Sinclair’s article at her web site on Beginning Domination. Now I also recommend your book, just based on the comments “real” readers are saying about what they’ve gotten from it.

I love writing more realistic stories with imperfect Doms. So I know I’ll love this book!

No need to enter me in the contest. Just wanted to drop by and say congrats on the release!

Yes Didi , I did make it here from Australia 🙂Having so much fun and also getting a lot of joy from the comments.@Kally THANK YOU You are a doll and one of the sweetest authors/ people I know. @Eileen I think you’ll enjoy 31, we took a new path with this book in some ways. @hregtvedt (Wow , some spelling that nomiker!) You obviously have an awesome marriage and sex life and I can see you both respect and love each other. Beautiful.

Wow this sounds like an awesome book. I’m really looking forward to reading this story. Sounds like a great book to start conversations with your spouse about trying something new in the bedroom. Congrats Cari and Leia on the release.

Julianne – the title was my idea actually. sidney reported that nick had said something along the lines of comparing ice cream flavors to flavors of bed play. the number 31 came to me because it’s the famous number of flavors Baskin robbins used to offer. it was simple but interesting and spoke volumes for the book, IMO.

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