Ask Me Anything

Got a burning question you’ve always wondered, or were too afraid of being stun-batoned to ask? Go ahead and ask Stormtrooper Larry!

Question:

“Why do stormtroopers wear armor if it’s useless against blasters?”

-JayStrikesBack, from CT

While regular armor isn’t completely blasterproof, it does protect against glancing shots, shrapnel, explosions, and even direct hits from low-tech firearms like slugthrowers.

Also, let’s face it — it looks cool.

Question:

“What is the round thing attached to your back?”

-Future Trooper, from Birmingham

Most people think it’s some sort of oxygen tank, to allow us to survive chemical attacks or the cold vacuum of space. In truth, it’s actually a thermal detonator for use against massed enemies or during close-quarters battle. Since it comes with a “dead man’s switch”, it’s also a trooper’s last resort when the odds are overwhelming and defeat is certain.

In my case, the thermal detonator is a dud thanks to our corrupt Moff. I use it to store my toothbrush.

Question:

“Do stormtroopers poop?”

-darthpoopie, from The Toilet Bowl

Yes! Stormtrooper poop actually accounts for 92% of the space trash jettisoned by Star Destroyers before each jump.

Those mess hall cookies will make your poodoo run like Mustafar lava!

Question:

“What’s with the stormtrooper designations? Do you guys get to choose your own?”
– Carl, Houston, TX

Nope! Stormtrooper numbers are assigned once you graduate from the Imperial Academy. According to the 501st Legion, the prefix letters denote what type of trooper you are:

TK – Regular stormtrooper

TS- Snowtrooper

TD – Sandtrooper

TI – TIE pilot

TA – AT-AT driver

… and so on. In the case of the First Order, they began using F-designations to distinguish themselves from the old empire. The first batch started with FA, all the way down to FZ. Stormtrooper Larry is part of the FU (pronounced “EFF-YOU”) batch.

Question:

“Why did the Empire switch from cloning to recruiting people?”

-Mike Ang, from Hong Kong

Compared to normal conscripts, clones had less creativity and self-initiative by their very nature. While they could be counted on to follow commands obediently and without question (like Order 66), they didn’t possess independent thought. Creativity is necessary to adapt to battlefield conditions, which can change in the blink of an eye. Hence, once the Clone Wars veterans aged past their prime, they were gradually phased out in favor of recruits.

Question:

“Why does your stormtrooper costume suck?”

-Fmucker, from Akron, OH

Because unlike those Core-pampered 501st troopers and their fancy ABS/ferroplast armor, those of us stationed in the Outer Rim have to make do with what we have. In the case of P’que sector, what we have is flimsiplast toughened with EVA armor sourced from Otto’s Weapons Emporium (30% off on Imperial-era relics!)

By the way, what is your bombardment coordinates exact location in Akron, OH? 🙂

Question:

“Did you appear in The Force Awakens?”

Nope, but I know someone who did! It was my buddy FN-2187’s first combat deployment.

I wonder how it went. He was always daydreaming about kicking resistance scum.

Question:

“Did you make your armor or did you get the TFA Trooper armor from Anovos?”

-RJ, San Francisco

Unfortunately, Anovos armor is hard to come by here in the Outer Rim, besides being crazy expensive. Stormtrooper Larry’s armor is actually made of EVA foam. It was ordered from a cosplayer specialist.

Question:

“Whether station on a destroyer or a planet; what are Stormtrooper’s living quarters like? Cheer, love ya and thanx! =)”

– Damian Branica, NYC

The short answer: it’s messy, veeery messy.

But to expound, a bare-bones stormtrooper living quarters looks something like this:

You usually get a couple of bunks, a storage locker to stow your armor and personal effects, and not much else. Notice how these two sleep in their armor. Their lockers are probably full of stuff like death sticks and holoporn, so it can’t fit their armor anymore.