The 4 Key Ingredients of Love

By Maggie Lyon

My greatest teacher of unconditional love was my sweet grandmother, Sylvia. She passed away on Valentine’s Day nine years ago, leaving nothing but that peerless love in her wake.

Many of us spend our lives on a serious quest for love, that deep affection that we all crave. What’s wild is how convoluted these searches can become.

I, for one, spent my chaotic and rebellious teens trying to numb out with drugs and by starving myself as means to eradicate the mess of my life. But beneath all that acting out, beneath my frailty—and the cocaine, the ecstasy, the speed, the five tattoos—was a desperate grasping for wholeness, and for the consistent love I never had.

Even with the psychotherapy, meditation, and yoga that came after leaving home and giving up on self-destruction, I simply couldn’t understand the self-love that all these philosophies were supposedly trying to cultivate. Simply put, I was at a total loss as to what it meant to love myself in my head, let alone how that would feel in my heart.

Blessedly, when I turned 20, I had my first taste of uncomplicated love, and it came from my grandmother Sylvia, who for five solid years taught me what it felt like to be loved steadily from the outside, without contingency.

While her love poured in, I slowly and surely began to heal my body from the self-imposed trauma I’d put myself through, and just as surely began to believe in the power of love. Only then did the therapies I was so devoted to actually begin to sink in. Only then could I begin to imagine what it would feel like to give myself that same quality of pure, unconditional love.

Sylvia saw the shift in me, too. She could feel the warmth I started to generate and point inward. When she visited me in New York the summer of my twenty-fifth birthday, she could see it in the love notes to myself that I had posted all over my apartment. She knew that because of my newfound love she could safely and subtly let go—that I would finally be OK. She died on Valentine’s Day two years later.

In honor of Sylvia, and of Valentine’s Day, here’s a little recipe I’ve cooked up over the years. It encourages you to look at the essence of love—and to awaken it within yourself:

L is for Light.

Love indeed acts as ultimate healing light, or as an antidote to the darkness and gloom that often overwhelms and cuts off our ability to feel it for ourselves and for others. It makes us and those around us glow and grow.

O is for Openheartedness.

Love both inspires and requires openheartedness to its own super powers. To fully welcome love, we must be willing to open our hearts to its mystery and magic, without trying to rationalize, control, or hoard it.

V is for Vision.

When we focus our intention on awakening love in ourselves, and on how we move through our days, we energetically and experientially create it, and—as a bonus—attract it. We owe it to ourselves to really envision love fully infusing our bodies and filling up our lives.

E is for Expression.

In applying the spirit of love to all that we put out into the world—in our homes, our offices, with our families and friends—in other words, by expressing it, love grows exponentially, and on a profound level, ensures its own immortality.

This recipe for love has grown into a mantra for me, and hopefully it will for you, too. What’s amazing is that the more I’ve repeated it, the more positive and loving my life becomes. I can’t help but smiling here because this is so totally the way love works, at first tiptoeing in, and eventually impacting every remote crevice of who we are. How joyful is that?

Maggie Lyon is a writer on wellness and spirituality, a motivational speaker, and a holistic lifestyle consultant. A practitioner of Zen Buddhism and Iyengar yoga for the past twenty years, Maggie is committed to guiding others on their individual quests to awaken to the sweetness in life. For more on Maggie, check out her blog LyonLifestyle.com or on FACEBOOK or TWITTER.

Thank you for saying this! It is a gift to be able to write and share and support you all with LOVE. Warmly, Maggie

Zenmix1

Thank you for this uplifting blog!

Michelle Czarnik

I love the V is for Vision!

Maggie

Thanks, Michelle! Much love to you and your hubby on V-Day! Hope you two are celebrating!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1518067089 Anonymous

Beautiful!

Nancy Z

Wonderful Maggie! Thanks for sharing your story with us– xo

Maggie

My true pleasure, Nancy. Thanks for writing.

dalsukh tailor

i love is for light…..

Cruzjc

maganda…

S Belfeld

beautiful story.

Loran Harris

I am a positive person, and through near death experiences and the aftermath my ability to Love has remained in tact. I found your article to lend itself as a mantra for myself also. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

Maggie

Wow, what a touching note. Thank you. All my love, Maggie

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001976594509 Ginette Brunet

Wow simply Thank You xo <3

Maggie

You’re so welcome, Ginette!

Amonsherriff

Great story, The overcoming power of Love continues to move us forward through trails and tribulations… Love the conqueror!

Maggie

Yes, love rules!!!!

AVO

Thank you very much for this. It’s 8:30am, and after spending most of the morning crying and writing, this is just what I needed.

I’m constantly posting and re-posting “positive” words and thoughts to uplift people and be reminder to myself, but truly taking the time and effort to turn that light and loving energy inward sometimes escapes me.

I also just read your post “making peace with the past”. . . and I appreciate that as well. I’m 27, just went through my first major devastating breakup less than a year ago, which drudged up all the hurt I harbor from my own childhood. I’ve been in therapy for a few months to not only heal from the broken trust of my 5 year romantic partnership, but to address the deeper issues of hurt in my life… that manifest themselves in angry, desperate, self-sabotaging patterns. My mother recently came to a session with me, which was a very positive mother-daughter moment. And when I’m feeling low, I’ve started to call her instead of my former partner. . . but sometimes she still gets frustrated and says, “well- I just don’t know what to say to you.” And I find myself sobbing saying, “You don’t have to ‘say’ anything…. I just need you to listen.” Ultimately, when I’m feeling anxious and desperate like I’m just falling, I don’t know who to reach out to, because I’m so afraid of someone not having “time” for me or burdening someone. When I have a chance to open up with friends (all of whom live far away), it feels great. . . but I’ve been pushing myself to remember to be there for mySELF. Not in an, “I don’t need anybody else” kind of way, but in a deep self-nurturing kind of way.

I love what you wrote here about leaving yourself love notes around your apartment, because I’ve started doing the same things. (Interestingly, it’s something my partner would get upset with me about… that I wasn’t “romantic” enough, and didn’t leave love-notes for her. I was very aware that doing so would made me feel very uncomfortable). But now, having been broken wide open, I’m in touch with that tender loving part of myself that was buried deep down. I gave myself a xmas card this year that simply said, “I love you! Stay creative and lovely. Love, yourself.” I can be in touch with that deeper unconditional love, but the challenge is STAYING in touch with it. My grandmother was also pivotal in my life, but she passed away when I was 20. I could lean on her and love her and hug/kiss her endlessly, when no one else in my family showed affection. I deeply appreciate that, and now I wish she were still here. As I’m writing this, I realize that my grandmother lived alone for 20 years after my grandfather passed. She must have felt lonely at times, like I do. . . but she still got up every morning, and had her routine, and remained loving and beautiful no matter what. She propped up our family, and I love her for that.

Thanks for listening, and thanks for sharing.

Maggie

Wow, what a beautiful and open note. Thank you for sharing this with us. It is true that your own best listener is your deeper self, though I am happy you have a venue like therapy to practice cultivating this necessary and profound expression of what has been kept inside.

And, keep on with those love notes! You have obvious insight and are equipping yourself with the tools you need to live filled with love for you and when it is time for another who supports all of who you are.

Sending so much love and support your way, Maggie

Holm768

Thank you Maggie!! This is so beautiful!! Our greatest gift is ourselves! Learning to love ourselves is the most difficult of journey’s. There are always things and people blurring our vision of our true self. I am on the journey of discovery! Your words and thoughts are an inspiration! I cannot thank you enough!!

What a gift your grandmother was to you, and you to her. You were so lucky to get a living physical representation of that unconditional love we ultimately must find in ourselves. Now that you’ve found it, your grandmother is with you always. Just the sweetest thing to contemplate on Valentine’s Day. Love your writing Maggie – it always makes me smile and feel a little lighter.

Maggie

Oh, Betsy I LOVE this comment! Thank you for hearing and absorbing my message so clearly. I so appreciate your kindness and insight. So much love and gratitude, XX Maggie

http://www.endencia.wordpress.com/ Frances_endencia

For me, it was Christ’s love that helped me endure tough times. I have been in a situation where I was labeled and a series of chain reaction ensued that led to my family to destroy my relationship with them. I was shown how people would treat me when I had money, and when I had none… I go to a nondenominational church, Christ Community Church. Their weekly teachings are inspiring and help me view the world at a higher level. God gives the gift of love. It breaks chains…

I like to sing The Greatest Love of All to keep my spirits up! (by Whitney Houston) What is the greatest love of all? Learning to love oneself, then loving others flows