Actually I think Polefighter has hit closest on the solution. You need to have a goal. Whether it be hitting a certain guard pass, going for a certain choke or a sweep etc, if you have a goal then you're the one pushing the buttons and your opponent will be reacting to you.

1. You are unsure of your skills...hence the hesitation. You dont want to lose but you do want to win. Take chances my friend. It is the only way you will learn.

2. You seem also to be the type that doesnt want to hurt another player, intentionally or unintentionally. This isnt a bad trait. You are treating someone like you want to be treated.

Now how to get past that.

1. Practice. Have some confidence. Instead of concentrating on what you did wrong all the time, look at what you did right and go from there. It is called practice for a reason. Take a chance with a move. If it doesnt work then you learned from it. Have another move ready in case that one fails. Plan ahead. This is how you become sure of your skills.

2. Becoming more familiar with your training partners helps here. Have a beer/ get something to eat after class with them. (If you dont like their personality, well dont do this.)
Get to know them, and the level they want to train at. Ask them before you start to roll....Want to go 100%? or 50%? Dont feel bad if you black their eye, or hurt them a little bit, if you dont go around acting like an ass most people will realize you didnt do it on purpose. Be forgiving if someone hurts you. Realize that it was most likely a mistake and **** happens.

Just my 2 cents.....

I think this is a good summary of what I was going to post.

Often, it's a knowledge based thing. If we don't know how to interact in sparring, then we often get caught in things. At that point, we become defensive for fear of it happening again.

I think that a better word is to utilise your 'offensive' or 'attacking' game. Aggressive can give you a different feel.

As suggested, and as I do quite often, I ask the senior grades to let me attack more. They happily oblige, and I get a whole heap better for it, and they get better at reversals/counters.

I have a similar problem and recently have found a solution. STEROIDS!!!!

Just kidding

Seriously though for the last while I have found that I am getting tapped a lot. My bug issue was getting swept and the other person getting side control and just wearing me down.

So I worked steadily on two things.

Getting one sure fire sweep and reversal from side control.

I kept trying and practicing stuff for the last 2 months. I don't care if I get tapped all I am looking for is those 2 things, 1 good sweep and side control reversal.

So recently I have found that I can now do both fairly well and it has helped me in so many ways. Now I can get mount and work a number of submissions there, the one I have been working the most on from mount is shoulder choke to Americana.

Anyways the point is "position before submission"

If you can a "go to sweep" to start a match off with and a reversal from your weakest position the rest of your game will follow.

Follow Gojo and Poles advice and Jonnhy's analogy regarding you pushing the buttons more than reacting to having your buttons pushed is priceless and honestly is garnered from years of experience.

I have found that my pausing between transitions is due largeley to NOT having a plan or a goal like the others have said. My instructor is constantly telling me to "stay active", have an "active guard" whether closed or open, KEEP MOVING!!! Shrimping, transitioning between the different side controls, etc...

Not being afraid to tap is good because if you pull a bad position you just tap, start over, and don't do it again. Keep at it; if anything your ahead of people who get stuck because they don't work on their escapes enough.

I'm going to repeat myself here, but it's just so easy to waste time in BJJ by not having a goal.

Let's say I'm working on my guard: If all I do is move a lot and annoy my opponent but never actually put him in danger, my guard isn't improving. My guard recovery skills *may* improve, but maybe not. I would develop a better guard much faster if I had a goal such as open guard and said to myself "I'm going to get this grip on my opponent straight away, put my foot in his hip and stretch him out" All of sudden, instead of reacting to my opponent, my opponent has to react to me and to work on getting his arm back, and my foot off his hip. As he tries to do these things, he opens himself up to sweeps and submissions. So while all I'm doing is essentially getting my grips, to all appearances I'm being more aggressive and my opponent is being more defensive.

You know, John Machado did a seminar at my school last night and he actually talked a little about this. He was showing guard passes and explained how sometimes he'll play "the old man" game where he moves slowly and gently and reactions to his opponent, then sometimes he'll play the aggressive game and force his opponents to react and use more explosive technique.

He recommended we play with this idea and practice switching between these two styles, and eventually we would learn when to get aggressive and when to be more passive and methodical.

1. I found if I'm more relaxed at the beginning, I'm more fluid in transitions and more aggressive. If I'm more tense I tend to try and power moves and end up in a defensive or strength game.
2. I needed to work a series of 3 attacks from the guard and from the top. Try one, flow to another, to a third, back to first. Like in guard, break their posture, get legs up high closer to rubber guard, attack arm bar, triangle, omoplata. If you don't get resistance, finish. If you do, switch to the next attack.

Pre-planning the series of 3 helped me move away from a defensive game to an offensive game. After playing that for a while, I could add to the list of 3, and it all started flowing more naturally.

After reading this it just seems your too scared to do anything. So Nike up, just do it. Since you seem to scared or unsure about yourself just go for a sub and follow through no matter what. Say you have gaurd on a guy. Say to yourself "armbar" and go for it. When he starts to counter just keep working on it. Even if you feel your loosing the battle, hang on and deal with it if you get reversed. This may not be a good strategy in a match but for learning to just throw it to the wind and give your all, I think its a good idea. Its all I could think of.