Washington, DC - (June 15) -
The credibility of the American press was seriously
called into question again, yesterday, when Steve Brill,
publisher of media watchdog magazine Brill's
Content, speaking on CSPAN's "Washington Journal,"
stated unequivocally that "the press is taking leaks
from Ken Starr's Office."

Though the "press" was unavailable for comment due to
all their resources currently being 100% committed to
intense investigative research into whether Monica
Lewinsky will have Kellogg's Corn Flakes or Fruit Loops
for breakfast tomorrow, several innocent passers-by
beneath Ken Starr's office windows did seem to
have sufficient resources available to be able to
comment on the story.

"I was walking down the street when suddenly I felt, you
know, sort of this warm glow all over," Rebecca
Kramer told the Washington Pissed. "At first I
thought it was love or some spiritual or metaphysical
experience, but when I looked up to the sky, all I saw
were these, uh, you know, 'leaks,' coming out of 3 or 4
different windows of Ken Starr's offices on the 27th
floor."

When approached for comment, Sunday morning, Ken Starr
stated, "It is not a violation of law to take leaks out
of my office. Most prosecutors do it all the time. Now
I must get to church."

Commentator, George Will, appearing on the Cokie Roberts
News Hour, was generally sanguine about the whole
affair.

"I'll start to worry when the press starts taking
massive dumps out Ken Starr's office windows --
that's when the republic'll really be in danger, and not
a minute before," said Will, in the trademark arrogant
supercilious tone which has won him the hearts and minds
of fans all over the world where thought and ideas are
valued above either being or not being enough of a
dickhead.

Apparently, in his new eponymous media watchdog
magazine, Brill's Content, Brill not only claims
that the press is taking massive leaks from Ken Starr's
office, but also that they're constantly "lapping up
Starr's [own massive] leaks."

George Stephanopolis of the Cokie Roberts News Hour,
speculated that "Maybe the reason the press never seems
to get anything right ever, is because
they're, like, all woozy or queasy or wacky from lapping
up all those leaks -- and not just from Ken Starr,
either."

But Billy Crystal of the Cokie Roberts News Hour
retorted, that he wouldn't even begin to worry
till the press starts lapping up Ken Starr's massive
dumps. "That's when our great consumer-only
republic will start to be in serious danger," he said,
"and not a minute before."

According to Sam Donaldson of the Cokie Roberts News
Hour, only the issue of whether reporters can take leaks
from prosecutors' offices will be heard before the
Supreme Court tomorrow -- while the issue of whether
reporters can legally lap up prosecutors' leaks will be
left as an exercise for the faceless citizenry to
perform in their so-called "hearts."

"Maybe," said the Cokie Roberts News Hour's eponymous
host, Cokie Roberts, getting all righteous, "the
solution to this whole business is for reporters to just
stop taking leaks altogether -- forever."