Thursday, March 26, 2009

Whereas before we were dealing with like four Pens games every week, including back-to-backs and difficult weekends, we're being eased back into a much easier schedule. The Penguins play the Rangers in a 1:00PM game this Saturday. . .and then they're off until next Wednesday when Daddy Brodeur rolls into town (in his pimp stretch SUV, with spinning rims, and the shine of platinum and diamonds on each finger). What does all of this mean?

Well, we'll at least pretend that it means something in our epic quest to generate original content.

Points of interest today:

1. The MVP debate is getting crazier than ever. Suddenly people are pretending that Datsyuk is good for anything besides being soulless, wearing bowties, and winning the Lady Byng. Parise's name is being thrown around. You know who we think the best player in the world is. People who don't think Malkin saved this team (for the second fucking year running) just don't pay attention to the Penguins. We feel sorry for them. While we agree that many things have aided the Penguins (coaching change, the additions of Kunitz and Guerin), the Pens are also 16-4-3 since this happened:He lit the fire, we believe the management and ownership responded.If the team wasn't still showing heart, it might have made more sense to let them stumble around until the offseason, when the moves would be easier to make and the free agent pool was solidified. That's business.But, like Sir Errey said, it was one of those games that can turn a season.Malkin is pretty much the blood and guts of this team.But we won't go off on this tangent again.Malkin = a most deserved MVP candidate.

2. Sweet Cal is at it again. The buzz over the past few days has been the fact that Malkin made fucking jam pierogies with Alyonka Larionov, and then Kris Letang showed up in some unreal shirt, brought into your home by the glory of Pens TV. But if you really want some quality NHL video, we suggest you head over to Wild TV and look up Cal Clutterbuck. We recently discovered this gem from February as a result of a conversation with reader Allison, who apparently had yet to hear Cal's sweet voice. We went on the hunt for Cal video and were rewarded mightily:

The real star of the video, however, may be Barry Brust, who is apparently averse to pants.

Cal is also wont to make this face during pregame interviews:We feel much closer to Cal after this afternoon.Don't you?Oh, Cal baby. Your sweet voice, sweet face, and knowing looks of great intensity.There's just something about you.

3. CBJ vs. Calgary is the game to watch tonight.If the Pens and Fleury can shut out the Calgary Flames after both teams played very decent games, winning on goals from their defensemen, we fully believe that Steve Mason and the Blue Jackets can embarrass them further.If there's one thing we learned about Steve when the Pens lost to the Jackets earlier this month, it's that he's not fucking scared of anyone.He was asked after the Pens/Jackets game "What kind of adrenaline rush do you get when you face shooters like that?" in regards to Crosby and Malkin.Steve's answer? "I don't." His expression and tone: pure apathy.Most people, we say things like, "Bullshit, you were shitting your goddamn pants, you coward." But, if you watch at 3:40, I'm sure you'll join us in believing him.Therefore, keeping dudes like Cammalleri off the scoresheet shouldn't be a fucking problem.

4. Because the Pens' schedule is thinning out before the final big playoff push, you'd think that the other teams in the league would be able to start catching up and losing some games already. Well, maybe.The Flyers particularly have three games in hand, and will still have a game in hand after Wednesday. They'll be caught up on Friday after a home-and-home with the Leafs.If the Pens win both of their next two games and pull ahead to 92 points, that will be awesome. However, barring some heroics on the parts of the Isles, the Panthers, and Toronto, the Pens might have some trouble stealing the four spot. We're counting on Boston to beat them and we think the Panthers have a good chance. The Flyers getting six out of their ten available points over the next eight days kind of makes us want to puke, but we'll get over it if it happens. The Leafs taking one of those games would be phenomenal--and you know how we feel about the Leafs, right?Gerber got himself suspended. It'd be nice to see Pogge get a win.

Habs won't pull even until Tuesday. They'll probably lose a bunch. Lightning tonight, Sabres on Saturday, and Blackhawks next week. We're pretty sure they're not catching us anyway. But we'd hate to be stunned and wrong in a week's time.

Panthers pull even tonight when they play their aforementioned game against the Flyers. Go Kitties, you deformed motherfuckers.

By the time we meet the Debbies next week, we'll have a game in hand on them. Sick. (We are indeed the kinds of fans that like to think in our spare time that the Pens will go undefeated for the rest of the year and that everyone else will failboat and we'll clinch the division. It's a little something called HOPE. But after the emotional roller coaster of this season, we'd still be satisfied with the eight spot. We're not greedy.)

Oh, and the Canes are going down, April 4th. Mark your calendars, highlight it "huge" on your Comeback City.Time to wipe that smug look off of Pillow Lips Staal's face.

We hope this was an entertaining off-day for you.We slept until 1PM and have no idea what's going on.Go Pens.

ahhhhhhhh... my name in a PH post always makes the heart skip a beat... but for real...since i last spoke to kim, ive found some real winning segments on other team's tv channels.

i wish i knew how to link to specific segments, but if anyone is looking to kill some time, and want to see possibly the cutest child ever born...go to anaheims page and search tim marchant...also on the ducks page you can find a clip of chris pronger talking abut his days as a shoe model...yea.

and if youve got more time to kill:atlanta has a tour around moose's house.

boston- some dudes play rockband, its not really worth any time, unless you have an obsession with milan lucic, cause he looks like a very special caveman in the video.

buffalo- ehh nothing really cool

carolina- the clips where they interview the whole team practically. i cant decide who is weirder: Cam Ward or Partick Eaves...STRANGE. Ray Whitney is kinda funny

colorado- not a single thing worth while on there

chicago... some good stuff, alot with kane and tazer...also SEARCH PICK (ON) A TEAMMATE...good shit

The 4/4 game can't get any huger. And CBJ certainly kept the embarrassment train rolling for the Flames. Wooo.

I still love that video from the Pens/Blue Jackets game...but that's possibly because my love for Stevie Mason is matched by my love for Antoine Vermette. And I'm quite fond of a lot of the Blackhawks' videos. The Pick (on) a Teammate, Roomies, and Pick Sharp's Cover ones are all hilarious.

I too have yet to hear the sweet voice of Cal Clutterbuck. I must watch later.

On the subject of team videos, I love everything the Hawks put out. They are always so ridiculous. All the way to their silly promo ads last year where poor Kaner is forced to get soda for the whole team. And don't even get me started on the shirtless Jonny prank vids. <3

As far as other teams go, the Kings had some really hilarious All Star voting vids. The Sharks never do anything hilarious unless it involves precious Jumbo Joe trying to make toast.

The Bruins have a rock band vid? Lol. I thought the Rangers one was pretty funny, but only because I love Marc Staal.

In the third, after Okposo tried to remove Zidlicky’s kidneys, Clutterbuck and Okposo were having an unbelievable barking match from penalty box to penalty box. Then Clutterbuck started gesturing. I thought he was pretending to wipe tears or something. After the game, I asked Clutterbuck what he was doing and he said, “Told him to shave his neck. I told him if he can’t grow it on the rest of his face, why try at all?”

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