We know it’s hot but put some clothes on, say supermarkets

You know what it’s like. You’ve run out of sausages and cider for your back garden Snoop Dogg-style pool party and you go to the shops – then you realise that you’re wearing nothing but a thong and a pair of flipflops.

Tesco have been telling sweaty customers in Newquay, Cornwall to put tops on before entering the store and not to wander the aisles with bare feet. This isn’t the first time Tesco have implemented a dress code – a few years back they vetoed pyjamas and slippers. Now they’re telling us we can’t expose ourselves?

A spokesman for the Newquay branch explained: ‘In stores such as this one which are close to the beach, we ask that customers wear a T-shirt and shoes. Whilst we know that many people like to pop in quickly, we ask that people are considerate of others, as we want all of our customers to feel comfortable when shopping.’

Interestingly, though, they only mention tops and shoes – they don’t say anything about PANTS.

The kind of woman to take up that kind of equal right is the kind of fat woman who looks like she’s been skinned by a drunken chef with a rusty pastry knife, the scrapings then battered for a good 45 mins with a splintered rolling pin, before being spooned into a piping bag and squeezed back on to the skeleton of a much smaller, skinnier woman…..urghhhh!