Thin Line

By John Bear

The Land of Bush--Yes, we've finally begun to question whether the Iraq War can be won at all, but it seems to come too late, especially since the whole thing has been an obvious sham since the beginning. The fact remains that the media has let Dubya slide for too long. Nobody's asking him why he keeps changing his mind about why we went to Iraq in the first place. And his reasons keep getting more vague. First it was because of very specific horrible weapons, then it was a very specific horrible person, now it's just "Iraq was a threat."

In addition to lying about why we're in Iraq, Bush can't do right even when he's trying to be forthcoming. Whenever he publicly backs a leader of any Middle East country, the streets of that country explode in violence. For example, Hezbollah threatens to overthrow the Bush-endorsed government in Lebanon, and even attacks its own neighbor, Israel.

Far be it from me to jump on Israel, like so many of my leftist, terrorist counterparts and colleagues. I think both sides are lousy neighbors--that, and I hate being called an anti-Semite. But if I may offer a solution. It’s no secret that the entire region dislikes Israel, but we (U.S. government) love Israel. It’s time to move them out of there. It’s the only way for lasting peace. I don’t want to see any more pizza parlors get blown up or refugee camps peppered liberally with missiles.

Where do we put them?

Utah. It’s got a salt lake, arid climate and another religious sect that starts with M the IDF can butt heads with. And if any Muslim extremists still want a piece, they have to get through millions of gun-toting bloodthirsty Americans who don’t like having their reality television interrupted by jihad or anything else.

But I digress. Back to Bush. Not only does he lie and turn everything to muck, even his "successes" are unraveling. Afghanistan, arguably the most important spot in the war on terrorism, has fallen to pieces once again--the Taliban is making a huge comeback.

For those of you just tuning in, Afghanistan is a mountainous country where a certain tall lanky terrorist who is responsible for killing thousands of Americans on a day in September hangs out relatively unmolested. He is good friends with a group known as the Taliban, which, roughly translated, means “put that kite away or I’ll chop off your hands.”

The Taliban was run off by U.S. forces but has now been more or less welcomed back by the people, because the U.S. is too busy in Iraq looking for those compromising photos. It says something about our job performance when a band of zealots who love whacking people with sticks are preferred over democracy.

The media reports this stuff but doesn’t call the powers that be out on what has become a painfully obvious disaster.