Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

Is it worth it?

basically I'm stuck in a rut. I've been on and off with this girl for a while now. We are at different stages in life which we both have acknowledged. We both were coming out of not wonderful relationships. When we are together it's like the world has stopped. We get along so well and have fun no matter what we do. My family loves her and her family loves me. She has said on several occasions, "I am falling in love with you," "you could be THE one," "you make me feel better than anyone ever has..." so on and so forth. But at times she will back away because she is afraid of getting hurt which I can completely understand. I don't expect her to walk down the aisle or anything anytime soon. But she has made me forget about all of my past bad relationships. She has told me that she knows we can be really special. Is it worth the wait and the chance of more heartbreak? I honestly do, and I don't want to sound cheesey, but in my opinion, nothing is greater than love, nothing, and it's worth the risk, the time, anything...thoughts?

Ease up there on the reins a little. Let it progress slowly, take your time. Don't pressure her or allow her to pressure you. Take time to heal and understand what went wrong in your previous relationships.

Jaken...yeah, it's been a constant struggle for me, for years to be honest. i have a complete fear of being alone which comes from the divorce of my parents and the effect of that event on my psychee. i've been in and out of counseling for awhile and currently I am seeing a great counselor. so i'm trying so so so so hard to get better. thanks for your insights!

What is your heart telling you? Is there anything in there that is holding you back. Try to ignore your brain for a minute, because then you are thinking. I can honestly say that my &quot;best thinking&quot; got me to a place where I was deep into my addictions. Only recently have I become in touch with my heart in regards to how I feel about my life. I am embarking on a journey that, to most, would be a fools errand and end in heartache. But I am not listening to my head, i am letting my heart guide me and I have never been so sure of where I am going as i am now.

Of course you have to weigh what your emotional investment will be here. What is your return on investment? But try to let your heart answer those questions. Your mind will always be a good barometer of what you finally decide, but if your heart convinces your head .... there is no stopping what you two can achieve. A total commitment by your heart will allow your head to see what obstacles you have to overcome. Time is the key to letting it see what develops.

What makes it an off and on relationship? those are not usually healthy ones, because you go through the cycle of getting together and breaking up, over and over. A healthy relationship usually flows, and gets through the tough times together. Do not cling to someone because of your fear of being alone. you will shrt change yourself an the other person. be ok with being alone. then you can truly find the RIGHT person for you.

Jaken - i have been in your shoes in leaving a marriage for another person. And i respect your feelings of fear as that was a constant in my life at the time. No amount of fun and excitement could ever suppress the underlying fear that had a way of creeping into my brain in that situation.

I should explain that I am writing from a viewpoint of one who has been cheated on repeatedly. I have been separated for over 19 months now and my STBX has moved on. Essentially, we are only married on paper, and that too, will be eradicated soon.

My situation now is one where I have met someone who is NOT an OP. Sure, I have not closed one of the chapters in my life and I am already starting a new one, but the one that is not closed is merely waiting on the writers signature at the bottom. So I am speaking about myself in my reply and my heart is, for the first time that I can remember, guiding me. The level of honesty, trust, and giving on both our parts is beyond anything I have experienced. Given that, i hope that you can see that my situation is a bit different that what you described but nonetheless one in that I would be a fool and forever asking myself the &quot;if only&quot; questions were I not to &quot;go for it&quot;

I completely agree 100%. If both parties are not able to, or are perhaps fearful of going &quot;ALL IN&quot;, then the other person needs to realize that and be able to respect the feelings of their partner. One sided is no way to go.

But I still support the belief that when it is RIGHT (and both parties are in complete agreement, without reservation, without fear and without uncertainty) that timing is not a factor where love is concerned.

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