Revelations 3: The Scroll of the Seven Sealed Pastas.1:1 I, Dechujoh, after talking to the Fiorites, found a hidden jar which contained a scroll for even which the Fiorites did not know was there and was even writtin’ in a language from which they did not know. 1:2I finally was able to transcribe the entire scroll, and here today; 1:3I shall unleash to the world what I have transcribed from this scroll of newly found noodley knowledge.

2:1The scroll itself was not sealed in any way other than to be somehow miraculously kept safe inside of a jar, buried from all existence, until today. 2:2What I have found out is that these “seals” appear to be, of the metaphorical kind. 2:3Luckily. 2:4This scroll contains the last vision that was writin’ down by a scribe whose name was Powavaswopartpeavusap Koaxinei for 2:5Someone named Lord Pirate Ragaxopixogallapiatopravios Omevapotiviax the Senator of Rome. (A Closet Pastafarian), Part of the Holy Roman Empire. 2:6Let now just call them Powava and Ragax for short. 2:7As it says writin’ in the scroll, Powava was the scribe for Ragax. Due to Ragax being of old-age and of poor health. 2:8Now; here it shall be writin’.

3:0The Scroll of the Seven Sealed Pastas.3:1The Almighty noodley one came into Ragax’s dream, and immediately showed him The Scroll of the Seven Sealed Pastas. 3:2then Ragax said “What’s the Rush O’ Lord of mine?” 3:3The Almighty FSM said “Well, Ragax, due to me being wasted all the time, I have let your health slip beyond repair. 3:4You shall die soon. 3:5But I can tell you this much you shall pass peacefully, but before you do you must find a way to write down what I'm about to tell you as soon as you wake up. 3:6“Ok.” said Ragax. 3:7the Almighty FSM said, “Okay, cool, now here’s the deal.”

4:0The Apocalypse of the Flying Spaghetti Monster begins.4:1Sadly, for me I have sent something into motion that I cannot stop due to me being plastered all the time. 4:2For you see, since the planets are in motion I cannot easily stop them. 4:3For if I, The Almighty one does so, it would cause more damage, then if I were to actually let happen what I'm about to tell you. 4:4All of the planets in the solar system are circling around the sun. 4:5As I have made it so. 4:6And every so often all of the planets align ever so perfectly and causes quite a big problem on earth. 4:7Every time the planets align the Earth gets tugged in so many ways. 4:8This causes great pain and great strife for my people. 4:9and when the cries of pain, and the cries calling for my name to fix the wrong that has happened, The Scroll of the Seven Sealed Pastas effortlessly rolls into action. (literally.) 4:10For when the planets align and the Earth doth gets tugged. 4:11The seas begin to boil, and cooks my people, like they would do to praise me. 4:12When the cries for help are loud enough, The Scroll of the Seven Sealed Pastas, bursts forth into the boiling oceans. 4:13The scroll must be opened in its entirety in order for me to stop what is happening and to set everything back to normal as it once was. 4:14This boiling incident has happened before. 4:15So, I wrote down what will happen, again, and how to fix it, again. 4:16Then I sealed the scroll with seven pastas. 4:17Stupidly, I chose several different pastas to seal the scroll with, each with a more increasing time for it to boil, ‘til it becomes al dente and then the pasta shall break. 4:18BUT, I must warn the, for which each pasta seal broken, great and terrible things shall come.4:19Everything shall be more worse with each seal that is broken, but it must happen in order for me to stop the boiling in the first place. 4:20a(Hehe, 420, sorry. Sayeth the Almighty FSM.) 4:20bOops, I forgot to tell you the year, now back to what I was saying. 4:21At some point in the year 2854, all of the planets shall align ever so perfectly like there was one intergalactic long uncooked noodle piercing through all the planets. 4:22At this exact moment, this will be when the Earth shall be tugged and the seas shall boil. 4:23and hopefully the voices shall cry out for my name. 4:24Because even though I am drunk, I know everything within all of my noodles, but I am truly powerless without hearing from the voices of my people. 4:25So, I shall give you my word. 4:26So you may spread it. 4:27To make sure that my people pray for me to help. 4:28All I really needed is just for one person to believe in me, but more believers would help end it quicker. 4:29Then Ragax said “Oh my great and wonderful Lord, I do not mean to piss you off, 4:30but you have doth repeated yourself several times, 4:31but has not proclaimith what shall happen when the seals break. 4:32I must know what shall happen so that I may be able to tell those (at least in writing) what to do when the time comes. 4:33The Almighty FSM said, “Ok, I am sorry, but you do know that I am plastered right?” 4:34Then Ragax said “Yes my lord, I am sorry my lord, please continue.”4:35Then the Almighty FSM did continue and said. 4:36“Now I shall tell you about the seven seals of pasta that which are on the scroll, and what shall happen when they doth Breaketh.”

Pope Dechujoh is the name.Oh, here is a list of things that I have writin: Click the link->The Book of Dechujoh.:Letter to the Risians. (14 Chapters.)has been writinLetter to the Udonites. (2 Chpts.)has been writinLetters between D and M the Udonite. (6 Chpts)has been writinLetters to the Fiorites is next. Started on.Revelations 3: The Scroll of the 7 Sealed Pastas(17 Chpts)has been writin<---T.A.R.D.I.S

5:0The Seven Seals: The First Seal: Fideo5:1Once the people have prayed for me, and I hear those prayers, after the seas doth begin to boil. 5:2And the scroll is in the boiling waters of the world. 5:3The first seal, the seal of Fideo shall be broken. 5:4And when that seal is broken all of the pasta sauces that have ever been made by man (and Pirate) shall pour forth from the scroll. 5:5And the boiling shall stop. 5:6And you might think to yourself, that's not that bad, but it is. 5:7Because all of the sauces that have ever been made. When the mixed together shall be bitter tasting. 5:8You may try to make it taste better, but it shall only work in your local vicinity. 5:9And for those in ships floating around in the oceans with no spices, shall forever be floating in bitter sauces. 5:10This is what shall happen when the first seal doth break. 5:11And in order to break the second seal, more prayers must be prayed unto me.

6:0The Seven Seals: The Second Seal: Spaghettini6:1Then once these prayers have been heard, the second seal shall break. 6:2Once the seal has been broken Herbs and spices 10 times over what the amount should be shall cometh forth from thy scroll. 6:3Herbs and spices that are undercooked and overcooked and everywhere in between shall cometh forth from thy scroll. 6:4This shall make the sea of sauce (depending on who tastes it,) either bitter or tasting like grass clippings.6:5In order to move beyond this more prayers must be prayed unto me.

7:0The Seven Seals: The Third Seal: Bucatini 7:1Then once these prayers have been heard, the third seal shall break.7:2When the third seal shall break the Beer (beverage) volcano shall have an eruption the size that of a super volcanic eruption. 7:3All of the beverages that flow forth from the volcano shall pour upon the Earth. 7:4Everyone may be drunken and happy BUT! 7:5The sea of sauces there shall mix with the beverages, and everything shall become stale and deflated and tasteless. 7:6The people of the world and most of all my people must persevere through all of this. 7:7In order to make this world a peaceful again. 7:8So, then more prayers must be heard. 7:9So pray faithfully, and wholeheartedly, unto me.

8:0 The Seven Seals: The Fourth Seal: Cu mian8:1Then once these prayers have been heard, the Fourth seal shall break. 8:2Once the fourth seal has fallen from the scroll, the scroll shall spew forth rancid meats and spoiled veggies. 8:3This shall make the seas very un-tasteful. 8:4This shall cause strife amongst all who inhabit this earth. 8:5In order to stop this and make the world peaceful and tasty again. 8:6Then more prayers must be prayed unto me.

9:0The Seven Seals: The Fifth Seal: Biángbiáng9:1Then once these prayers have been heard, the Fifth seal shall break. 9:2Upon breaking of thy fifth seal, thy seas shall start to simmer. 9:3For this, the sea of sauces shall take the heat of the sun in better (or worse, however you would think about it,) than water. 9:4This simmering of the sauces shall cause the sea of sauce, herbs (and spices), beer (beverages), and food items, to separate into their own levels. 9:5The food items shall sink all the way to the bottom. 9:6Then the herbs and spices shall lay on top of the food items. 9:7The sauces shall lie on top of the herbs and spices on top of the food items. 9:8Finally, the beer (beverages) shall lie on top of everything else. 9:9This may get all of ye babbling trunk. 9:10If ye can get past the taste of rotting food, pasta sauce, and massive herbage.9:11STILL, we are not yet finished for we have two more seals to go. 9:12If all of ye want to pass from beyond the seal, to go back to normal before the boiling. 9:13Then more prayers must be prayed unto me.

10:0The Seven Seals: The Sixth Seal: Lasagne10:1Then once these prayers have been heard, the Sixth seal shall break. 10:2When the sixth seal is broken, the beer (beverages) shall evaporate into the atmosphere. 10:3This shall give everyone an eternal buzz and/or sugar high. 10:4Everyone must persevere through this trial of the seals. 10:5All I need is one person to pray to me, but the more the merrier, I, your Almighty Lord sayeth to thee. 10:6So, then more prayers must be prayed unto me. 10:7In order to go and break the final seal. 10:8So, I, your Almighty Lord, made of heavenly pasta, can finally read what is on this damned scroll, and stop the horrors. 10:9To return the Earth to more peaceful days.

11:0The Seven Seals: The Seventh Seal: Cannelloni11:1Then once these last prayers have been heard, the Seventh and final seal shall break. 11:2When the seventh seal has broken, the scroll shall unravel with a mighty radiant glow. 11:3The light that comes forth from this scroll shall have enough force to force out everything, but it shall have no effect on pure water. 11:4Then once every last vile thing that is in the ocean is expelled, the light shall fade. 11:5Then and only then may I, your Almighty pasta Lord, shall be able to read what is on the scroll. 11:6For, I cannot remember how to fix it in the first place. 11:7Because I am always too wasted to remember anything. 11:8Then once I have finally read this scroll, I, the Almighty pasta Lord, shall finally remember what I did countless times before, and I shall do it again. 11:9Upon putting the Earth in its rightful place, once again, the scroll shall float out from the oceans, and when the scroll reaches the surface, it shall shine once again. 11:10For no man; nor pirate shall be able to lay eyes upon the scroll and read what it says. 11:11Then the scroll upon entering the sky, shall seal itself with The Seven Seals of Pasta, yet again. 11:12Upon doing so it shall return to my side, and not be plunged into the oceans of the Earth until the next super planetary alignment of the entire solar system. 11:13For which, even though I'm Almighty, I do not know when that shall happen next. 11:14But when it does happen next time the scroll shall leave my side and repeat the process all over again. 11:15For I might be too wasted to remember anything. 11:16Because right now, Ragax, I am telling you this in a moment of sober clarity, and this is something I just remembered. 11:17So now, Ragax, wake up, write it down, and instead of reading it out to the Pastafarian congregation of today. 11:18Save it, so that a future generation of Pastafarians may be able to find it. 11:19Because it is there more for them in the future. 11:20Than it is for the people of today like you, Ragax.

Pope Dechujoh is the name.Oh, here is a list of things that I have writin: Click the link->The Book of Dechujoh.:Letter to the Risians. (14 Chapters.)has been writinLetter to the Udonites. (2 Chpts.)has been writinLetters between D and M the Udonite. (6 Chpts)has been writinLetters to the Fiorites is next. Started on.Revelations 3: The Scroll of the 7 Sealed Pastas(17 Chpts)has been writin<---T.A.R.D.I.S

12:1Upon the Almighty FSM finishing his speech to Ragax. 12:2Ragax asked the Almighty FSM, “O, dear Lord of mine, please do not get mad at me, but may I ask a question. 12:3Why do you not tell this to the Pastafarians of the future?” 12:4Then the Almighty FSM replied, “Because, Ragax, I am very forgetful, and also I am a drunkard. 12:5But before you do wake up I have remembered something more of your life, and I shall tell it to you now.

13:1Your youngest wife, Juihievav Kivyheyage, shall run away to a new land once you have passed away. 13:2She shall do this in sorrow and in sadness. (13:3It seems like she needs some time to compose herself, so she takes a vacation, so to speak.) 13:4She shall run to the land inhabited by the tribe of Barbinites in the land of Boehemia. 13:5It is there she shall give birth to a son. 13:6Whom she shall name him, Qaxkvon Hapkveo Barrowuav. 13:7He shall grow up and become the leader of the Barbinites and later become the Kingafice of Boehemia. 13:8And when all of Boehemia becomes one again under his rule he shall change their name into the people of Fiori. 13:9During his time as Kingafice of Boehemia, he shall come back “home” to find out who his father was, and once he does, he shall take all of your possessions including this Scripture that you shall write back to his “home” where he shall live the rest of his life. 13:10He shall be able to live through many, many, more of these cycles. 13:11He shall be able to decide when his own death shall come. 13:12He shall still be living to and beyond the day that this Scripture scroll is found and deciphered. 13:13I can only hope that, as your Almighty one, this may help you have a peaceful passing.

14:1“Thank you, O, Lord of mine.” Ragax said. 14:2“I need to ask you a favor, O, Almighty FSM. 14:3I wish a few to take your forever holy noodley appendage, and slap me over the face with it, for that shall help me wake up. 14:4O, Almighty one. 14:5Wake me up, O, Lord, so that I may write your words of wisdom so that they may be found and remembered forever.”

15:1“Well, here you go my friend,” and the Almighty FSM obliged him with a slap over the face. 15:2And the last words that Ragax was able to hear from the Almighty FSM was “I shall see you soon buddy, upon your own pirate ship with beer and babes.”

16:1As he[Ragax] is upon his deathbed, I[Powava], have transcribed what he has told me. 16:2And I have written it, faithfully and true. 16:2.1- Powavaswopartpeavusap Koaxinei16:3I[Powava], have signed it with my name upon his passing as he told me to do. 16:4It has been placed and sealed into the jar as you have wished it, my Master.

[1224/08/01]

Re-transcribed by Dechujoh into ENGLISH on [09/03/2013]

17:1So, now that I have transcribed this I, Dechujoh, shall taketh a break and return to my home. 17:2Before my next adventure forward to spread the word of the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster, 17:3May the Pasta be with you Always.17:4RAmen.

Pope Dechujoh is the name.Oh, here is a list of things that I have writin: Click the link->The Book of Dechujoh.:Letter to the Risians. (14 Chapters.)has been writinLetter to the Udonites. (2 Chpts.)has been writinLetters between D and M the Udonite. (6 Chpts)has been writinLetters to the Fiorites is next. Started on.Revelations 3: The Scroll of the 7 Sealed Pastas(17 Chpts)has been writin<---T.A.R.D.I.S

now talk about it, give comments. Read about it and speak about it. Is it good or is it a pile of flaming (well you know.)TELLME!!!

Pope Dechujoh is the name.Oh, here is a list of things that I have writin: Click the link->The Book of Dechujoh.:Letter to the Risians. (14 Chapters.)has been writinLetter to the Udonites. (2 Chpts.)has been writinLetters between D and M the Udonite. (6 Chpts)has been writinLetters to the Fiorites is next. Started on.Revelations 3: The Scroll of the 7 Sealed Pastas(17 Chpts)has been writin<---T.A.R.D.I.S

Pope Dechujoh is the name.Oh, here is a list of things that I have writin: Click the link->The Book of Dechujoh.:Letter to the Risians. (14 Chapters.)has been writinLetter to the Udonites. (2 Chpts.)has been writinLetters between D and M the Udonite. (6 Chpts)has been writinLetters to the Fiorites is next. Started on.Revelations 3: The Scroll of the 7 Sealed Pastas(17 Chpts)has been writin<---T.A.R.D.I.S