This is really good! I like how you show Lucius's feelings and how the family is finally united. Great Work!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you like it. I've always thought that the boooks portray Lucius as a man who is always conerned first and foremost about himself, I'm glad that you are able to appreciate what I've tried to do with this fic, to portray Lucius as a trapped man who is concerned about his family as well as himself.

That was so... WOW. I am speechless. I honestly think that this is one of the best one shots I have ever read. The emotion you weaved through the story really shines through. Original in plot and good use of words. A excellent view inside Lucius' head. Wow.. I really loved it, and hope to see more work of yours in the future!

That was so... WOW. I am speechless. I honestly think that this is one of the best one shots I have ever read. The emotion you weaved through the story really shines through. Original in plot and good use of words. A excellent view inside Lucius' head. Wow.. I really loved it, and hope to see more work of yours in the future!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the positive feedback! It's always great to get another person's perspective on my story. I'm currently editing another fic, a poem on Lily's life, and I hope that it will be up soon.
Keep watching my profile for updates, Thanks for Reading!

I really liked the beginning, and Narcissa's pleading seemed very real, like something she would really do.

Lucius kept up his image of a coldblooded aristocratic git, but it was good to see him shudder from time o time.

We seldomly stop to think that he is anything more than a strict father who only raises his son to keep the family name pure. Good job with making this a stop to think!
~Nez

Author's Response: I'm really glad that you like it so much. I do my best to put my viewpoint into my writing and I'm glad that it shows through. I've always seen Lucius as an intriguing character who has more to him than it shows. Keep watching my profile, I WILL put up more. If you have any suggestions for future stories, email me. Thanks for leaving a review,
:) Lana

This has a great start. It's a shame that it's a one shot. But sometimes good stories have to be told, regardless of length.

I would have liked you to have gone darker with this. Maybe that's just me being evil *did I say that out loud*, but the deaths of Draco and Narcissia seems rather quick to me - like they were killed to be killed. I would have liked to have seen more drama in that scene before they got killed off.

Maybe have Narcissia pleading passionately to the point where she's on her hands and knees. Then Voldemort gives her a thoughtful look like he was moved by her words when he obviously wasn't. I would have liked some gut wrenching reaction to Draco as he saw his mother fall lifeless to the ground. Or some small sign of stress appear from Lucius as he is forced to witness his family's death.

Just something dramatic to get the reader feel the point of their deaths, so it doesn't feel like they were killed in vain. That way our hearts can bleed for Lucius as he decides to take his own life.

Speaking of which, why the dagger? Was it because he felt unworthy of a quick death? Or was he too much of a coward to do it quickly? What morbid thoughts are going through his mind as he looks at the dagger that will kill him??

*evil cackle*

Author's Response: I am about to change some things, thanks for pointing them out!:) I chose the dagger because I felt that it is more dramatic than having him AK himself. I am going to start writing more fics, keep watching for them:).
~Lana
Thanks for Reading!

Voldemort seemed really choppy. He was too quick and not very Voldy-ish. You might (and might not) want to look into that to make it better.
Otherwise, I thought it was great.
Well, no actually - Lucius - I felt didn't grieve enough. If I had just lost the two people I loved most, I probably would have asked to be killed as well. Lucius may not be like that, but I feel that you should have made him be a little bit sadder than what he was. . . d'you catch my drift?
Again, I feel that you changed subjects within conversations unnaturally.
Also, I feel that Harry would have put up a bit more of a fight when Ginny asked to leave with them. Harry is really protective, and I don't think that he would change his mind that easily.
I don't mean to criticize, but I think your story was a bit too Fanfictiony if you know what I mean. Many stories that I have read have seemed very real to me, but this one sort of seemed like fake Crocs, or Presidents Choice Coke. Not the real thing, sort of like a cheapo re-make.
Your story has a great plotline by the way, and I think it will go far.

Very good! You wrote a lot like JKR at the beginning! Very mysterious, great writing techniques! Check out my story if you will. I'll definitely by putting this on my favorites list! Please updates soon and i will be waiting for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad that you like it. The next chapter should be up within a week!

Reviewer: _Dumbledores Girl_ Date: 11/23/06 9:45 Chapter: A New Day

ohhh... that was a really good story for your 1st fic! can't wait to hear the rest!