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Why Your Wife or Lover Will Not Let You Eat Her Out and Other Things

Last week I received a really good question from one of my regular phone sex callers. D- asked:

Cheryl, may I ask you a question? If you don’t want to tell me the truth that’s ok.Good ahead ask away!When a guy is eating you out do you like it when he licks your ass? Most women don’t like that.

A few years ago I gave you all a quick guide sort of a tongue in cheek explanation as to why your wife will not fuck you. Allow me to expand on that point.

Let’s say it’s November. It’s cold out and you and your lover decide to grab a pizza and head back to her place for a movie. The two of you start kissing and necking and while she only planned to do just what you are doing now things get really hot and heavy. Before she knows it her tits are out, you are sucking on her nipples and are moving lower … Then she says, “Oh no. We can’t that. I have to get to work early tomorrow.” You go home, call Cheap Phone Sex and rub one out and she …she grabs a dildo and fucks herself silly. What the fuck happened here? She didn’t shave her legs. Let that sink in for a moment. In vag world a perfectly good excuse to not have sex is when your legs are not shaved. Ask any American woman you know. Go ahead, I’ll wait. See? It’s true. But wait there’s more.

Let’s say you and your lover have planned a date night. She got off work later than she would have liked. By the time you get home you notice that she has spent quite a bit of time getting ready and yet still isn’t ready. You may not know this but she’s getting fuckable ready. You have your date night, get back home and you decide to treat her with one of your mindblowing oral sessions. As you go down to eat her out like you just got out of prison she says, “Oh no. We can’t do that. I have to get to work early tomorrow. Just fuck me.” You’re hard and ready to go so you think nothing about it, but what she’s really saying is that I didn’t trim my bush or shave my twat and it isn’t clean enough for that. Oh, it’s not dirty. It’s kind of like when your mom comes over to visit. Your house is clean when she doesn’t visit, but when she does visit you have to get the place “mom clean”.

Notice how I am escalating the sex acts? To answer D-’s question there is just one more scenario. Let’s say you are eating out your girl. She’s loving every minute of it and then your tongue slips down to her crack and she says,“Oh no. We can’t do that. I have to get to work early tomorrow. Just keep doing what you were doing and then fuck me.” Clearly she shaved her legs because your fucking, she prepared her vag because you are licking it but her ass isn’t “mom clean” so you won’t have that tonight.

Get it? The moral of this story is to always be prepared. No, that’s not it. It’s to give women as much time as possible to get “mom clean”. Wait. There isn’t a moral but I do have a tip. For your next date call your wife or lover beforehand and say to her the following,”Honey I want you to give yourself enough time to shave your legs, shave your vag and prepare your ass. Tonight is going to be hot!”