you never know what you're capable of handling until you're faced with the thing you need to handle. you're way stronger than you think you are.

maybe this sounds trite but over the last few days, I found strength I didn't know I had.

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sometimes, the people that you love decide to love stupid people and you just have to deal with their presence as you remain baffled by how someone so great can love someone who is an absolute heaping pile of human garbage.

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few things are as painstaking as small talk with strangers when you're trying to mourn.

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few things are more beautiful than when a perfect stranger tells you a beautiful story involving your lost loved one.

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never stay at someone's house if they have just lost an immediate member of their family. even if they say it's okay. they think it is but it isn't. alternatively: never let anyone who isn't immediate family stay with you after someone close to you has died.

my mom has a friend staying with us and while the intentions are pure, no one feels/understands a loss the way that immediate family does and since people have no idea how to handle grieving people, they interrupt heart to hearts for bullshit antidotes to try and lighten the mood. I don't need a lighter mood. I need my mom, I need my space, and I need you to not be in my house right now. I will never, ever do this to anyone.

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when I mourn, I skip denial and basically just go between depression and anger.

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death is super fucking real. like holy shit. also, watching someone die in person is very different than in the movies.