I should have updated my blog to say that I've got a new freely downloadable booklet of poems, prayers and postures available from Proost (CLICK HERE)It's a set of tings to help in the mdist of these Covid times and was written over two days back in March.

In the midst of the Covid-19 Pandemic I've been exploring design. Simple images that can be printed at home and have something to say. Something about recognising the darkness of these times and also holding to the truth the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it.

Thursday, 9 April 2020

45 When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them
asleep, exhausted from sorrow. 46 “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get
up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”

The disciples are found sleeping. Jesus finds the disciples
sleeping and I wonder what Jesus made of the situation. Was he disappointed or angry
when he said, “Why are you sleeping?” Was he in disbelief, unable to comprehend
how they could sleep in the midst of this horror? Was he aware of their
frailty, their tendency to drift? Was that what prompted him to state, “Get up
and pray so that you will not fall into temptation”? And again, was he angry
when he said it?

Or was Jesus aware of just how much this small group had
already given? After all, they’d left families and jobs to follow him, and now
they are here. They’ve journeyed with Jesus into Jerusalem and they’ve
witnessed so much. They’ve seen him teach and walk around the city. And this
very evening they have eaten with Jesus as he has shared of himself, spoke
again of a death to follow.

And now? Now they find themselves in a garden at night while
their beloved friend and leader withdraws again to pray alone again. There role
in the garden has been to watch, to hold back and to pray that they might not
fall into temptation. And in this moment Jesus has found them, ‘exhausted from
sorrow’.

These disciples, so utterly torn apart by sorrow that all
they have left is sleep. For some, they have already seen their dreams die. The
walk into Jerusalem and the days that have followed have shown to them that
this Jesus that they serve is not the man who will overthrow the powers. There
will be no worldly revolution.

For others, they have been tasked with keeping watch by
their closest friend, a friend who has already informed them that he will die.
Just what are they watching for? Why are they still here? What is the point of
this show?

No wonder they are ‘exhausted from sorrow.’ What else could
be expected? Here they are, making their last journey with a friend. If this
was today, they might be preparing to see the life support machine turned off,
to see the ventilator shut down, to watch the doctor’s scrubs be removed. They
have been told to “keep watch” while the hospital bed is wheeled frantically
into ICU, a scramble of doctors and nurses easing the passage of the bed into
the crowded ward.

The unspoken pain of this scene is the journey of the days counted
down to get to this point. To move from a cough and temperature, to the need to
rest, to a call to the doctors, to a test, to a panic as it seems the disease
is taking hold, to an ambulance journey perhaps, to a stay on a ward, to a
movement to intensive care, to a point where it seems life is ebbing away.

To a realisation that the journey is coming to an end.

The disciples are, ‘exhausted from sorrow.’ Sorrow for what
has been, sorrow for what is happening, and sorrow for what lies ahead.

The disciples’ lament is not verbalised, it is not a spoken
prayer. Their lament is one which will lead to the drawing of swords, but one
that ultimately finds its truest expression in a bodily collapse. In which the
heart, soul, mind and strength have reached a uniformity of exhaustion and that
all that remains is the quiet abyss of exhausted sleep.

As we journey through Holy Week each year, we journey with
Jesus towards the cross. We witness the excitement of Palm Sunday, the fury of
the temple and the terror of the cross. This year, in the heart of this
pandemic, perhaps we are called to journey with those who accompany Jesus. To
journey with and as the disciples as they walk from joy to terror and finally into
exhaustion.

At my ordination as a priest the Bishop of Birkenhead gave
all the assembled deacons a copy of some words from Richard Baxter. These words
quietly sit in a black frame in my study: they are present as I try to live out
my vocation.

They read,

“Keep me O Lord, while
I tarry on this earth, in a serious seeking after you, and in an affectionate
walking with you, every day of my life; that when you come, I may be found not
hiding my talent, nor serving the flesh, nor yet asleep with my lamp
unfurnished, but waiting and longing for you.”

Baxter writes of not wanting to be found asleep with his
lamp unfurnished - clear references to the return of the bridegroom. But while we are always waiting for the
bridegroom to return, perhaps, in this moment, we should not worry too much about
letting our talents be hidden if our well-being requires it of us. And perhaps at
least a bit of, ‘serving the flesh’ might be okay in this moment?

While we may soon want to revisit Baxter’s words, perhaps in
this moment, we too may lie down as the disciples did, ‘exhausted from sorrow.’

all
the time. nothing to do. be self. dream. find inspiration. if inspiration can
be. found - maybe not. too much. much of too much. this pain. breaking. pausing.
too much time - or - not enough time. social isolation /socially distant /
key-worker / vital part - necessity. too tired. hardly sleeping. pressure.
worry. at home hardly sleeping. socially distant. isolated. no money. rent due.
no food. no money to pay for no food. how to pause. how to rest - even what is
rest - even know rest - even find rest - even be rest - even embody rest -
pause / sabbath / breath. to Sabbath rest - is that - pause. lay down - take
up. stuff down. rest up. how to rest. is rest pause - is pause rest - is pause
breathing - is pause living - no pause no rest - no pause no breathing - no
pause no rest - no pause no life / breathing - rest. same. breathing - pause.
same. breathing pause - rest -rest sabbath. what even is sabbath. pause is
sabbath. pause is rest. rest is breath. take breath in. breathe in covid.
breathe out rest of the rest. of the rest - all rest all breathe in covid.
covid not rest. rest no covid. pause covid. covid cause pause.

hear
of covid. fear covid. read of covid. fear of covid. breathe in - aware of
covid. breathe out - aware of covid. covid in the morning. covid in the night.
covid on the screens. and covid on the screens. covid when the button is
pressed. covid on the button. covid in thoughts. covid in eyes. covid in ears.
covid in mouth. covid in memory. covid in mind. covid on hands. covid on hands
on hands. covid corrupting. covid completing. no rest with covid - no rest from
covid / no rest for covid. must rest. from this - must rest. from that -
this/that / they / them. rest. rest. rest. take a breath - breathe in covid -
breathe out covid. each breath covid. each rest covid. each moment covid. covid
on the screen. covid on the screen. covid in the speakers. covid in the ears.
not rest from covid. covid no rest / rest. no. covid. rest. read. hear. write.
watch. think. feel. reflect. pause. breathe. covid - covid covid. how to rest /
how rest from / how rest with / why rest from / when rest how / how rest why /
why rest why / covid. this. covid. that. covid. rest from covid. rest in
houses. houses in covid. covid in houses.

Lighting Beacons: a liturgy for life

Fear and Dust: A Hymnal For The Wild (Volume 1)

Old Lost and Broken Dreams

Crucify This Jesus

The Beat Eucharist

Who Am I?

Contact

To make contact, find me on Twitter @BeatLiturgist

Or email (without spaces) timothyjameswatson @ hotmail . com

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