Yoga, Healing and Emotional Consciousness

The other night I was teaching a yoga class and there was this deep tension in the liver. The feeling was this intense anger with the sensation of grasping on too tightly. We do some warm ups to investigate this area and see if we needed to work on it. The liver just wouldn’t go away, so we do a kriya to work on the liver.

The liver is known in Chinese medicine as ‘the sea of emotions’. It is known for holding intense anger among other emotions. It is also one of the closest organs to God and anger is a wedge between God and us.

Anger in its natural state is not a bad thing. I think of when I was 10 and started petting my neighbor’s dog while he was eating. Everyone tried to warn me not to do this as he growled and then snapped at me. He didn’t want me taking his food that he needed to live. This was his way of defending himself against being walked all over. We needed this anger to survive as cavemen & women.

In our world today we have come to abuse this emotion. It makes us feel power and it makes us feel alive when deeply entrenched in it. We get drunk on it. The truth is that anger is not a real emotion and is of very low vibration energetically.

Did you ever see The Wizard of Oz? There is a scene towards the end where the gang meets this ‘wizard’. He is this huge green talking head that is very scary. Then Todo sneaks off to the side and pulls a curtain. Behind the curtain is this small little man working the machine that projected this talking head. That describes anger pretty well. It is all smoke in mirrors and when you strip it down, it is just defending this frail & powerless little piece of yourself. This piece of ourselves can be a traumatic memory that caused a disharmony in your system that now makes us feel powerless.

Class goes on and the liver starts to feel better. After shivasana, the class gets up and there is no third chakra. It is completely gone. This is interesting because a liver kriya will also work with the third chakra.

By working the kriya we did, we worked with balancing out anger. The trouble is that anger is a tool that can make us feel powerful. Take that power away and we can be feel powerless. So we had to close with a meditation to fix the third chakra.

This sensation reminds me of a story. A few years ago in my corporate job, I was having a debate with a manager I work with. She is very highly respected and no one ever questions her opinions because of her reputation. She is very smart and commands respect. She was not my direct manager, but can be considered a superior. We were disagreeing on a point. It was a very calm conversation and no voices were raised, but then she suddenly yells that she is so upset that she has to go right now.

Again this is a smart person who is not used to having to reconsider her position. She is used to others just going along with what she says. There are certainly times where debates can be heated and it is time to get some air. This time felt different. It felt like since she couldn’t get me to agree like everyone else does that she had to use anger to sway me. She gets up and I am left sitting there. My mind starts going and I think that maybe I should just tell her she is right and move on. I felt bad because now she was now angry.

I use this story to just illustrate a point of how we can use anger to control others. Naturally most of us want to get along with one another. When one person gets angry we feel bad and can change our opinions to avoid conflict. If you watch some people this is constantly the game that is played.

Anyways, you take away anger as a means to manipulate and you are left to rely on your own true personal power. This is tough because this is the hard way and takes work. Yet it is the right thing to do to take responsibility and vibrate from your true self. Do this and people do things for you out of respect rather than fear. There are no short cuts in life and by using alternative means of power you are only short-changing yourself. Love is the highest vibration.

Ok, so I have an interesting concept to bring up. Are you familiar with toxic energy/ emotional transfers? Emotional transfers are subtle and you can either take on another’s baggage or you give it to someone else. People do this all the time, especially in relationships. This is a not a good thing. In the end, it is the other person or yourself not taking responsibility for what is yours.

Has there ever been a time where something was done to you and it was unfair and didn’t think you should have to deal with it? What have you done at this point?

Have you ever been around someone and you seem to not be able to breathe and it feels like you all of a sudden have asthma around them? Have you ever gotten really mad and yelled at someone who didn’t deserve it, but you felt really good afterwards? Where did that anger go?

I have a story to share to better illustrate this whole idea, but I realize I may not be making many friends by sharing it. I do not mean to air out anyone’s dirty laundry here, just want to illustrate this concept for you.

I was at a wedding the other weekend with some old friends from college. I do not see them much anymore as our paths in life have taken us into different directions, but it was still great to see everyone. At some point in the evening, I end up dancing with my friend’s girlfriend of about 5 years. Her and I have known each other for roughly 10 years, but I haven’t seen her in the past 3-4 years. She is very pretty and in her college days, she always knew how to handle herself around guys.

We are dancing and I notice something… I start to feel like this is awkward feeling, but why? I check in with myself and I feel fine. Actually, I feel great and don’t feel awkward at all. For a white guy I like to think I have a few moves🙂 No but seriously, what is this feeling?

Then I realize that she is feeling very uncomfortable in her own skin. This notion seemed impossible though because this was a person I never thought would be insecure. If you ever met her, you would see that she almost has this air about her of being able to control any situation she is in. I know it wasn’t me that this feeling was originating from. In the past, I would have thought it was me.

This I realize is the very point of transfer, but I wasn’t going to accept the package. I visualize a blue light surrounding me for some added protection and remind myself that this is not mine.

Then a few moments pass and she then whispers in my ear, “You look good tonight.” Interesting move.

I smile, keep dancing and eventually “went to the bathroom”. Interesting, if the first try doesn’t work, there is aways the more desperate measures to get people to do what you want. I work too hard to take on another’s insecurity. Not to mention this is my friend’s girlfriend. It makes me wonder about 10 years from when they are married and she is home alone when the mailman comes around…

This is the dynamic in my friends’ relationship: he takes on her insecurity. She has a boyfriend because he will take this part on for her. With her insecurity compensated for, she can just be as powerful as she wants. By nature, he likes be a caretaker and his need to be a caretaker makes him feel that he is loved.

Although we all have to be aware of this. If we are not taking responsibility for your emotional work, then you are leaving yourself very open for toxic subtle transfers. What is mine, is mine. No matter what the mess or how big the job, it is mine and no one else’s responsibility. This responsibility is required of us in this next stage in our human development. What would the world look like if everyone else was aware of these subtle energy transfers? How accountable would we have to be for our emotions then? It’s amazing what we can all get away with now, but in the end we are only short-changing ourselves.

If you feel insecure, work on that issue, but don’t give it away for someone else to cover up. What better time to start then now? If anything at least take responsibility so that you are not receiving these transfers (spinal flex is extremely helpful when working on taking responsibility). I don’t know about you, but I have enough on my plate as it is.

You may have read about people who were healed by someone and they instantly walk out of their wheelchair or throw away their crutches. The more I learn about the healing arts, the more I realize that just isn’t the way it works. Perhaps it does sometimes, but it takes a ton of work to get to that one point where one can instantly walk (I mean there is also muscular dystrophy!). There is no miracle cure no matter what anyone tells you. Miracle cures would just short change you anyways in the long run.

I was energetically working on myself on the other day and my attention was brought to the descending colon. There, I was stopped at the sigmoid colon area and then a voice says, “Cancer”. I was devastated. I mean with all the hard work and dedication to a healthy lifestyle, I am currently developing cancer in this area? It really bothered me throughout the day.

I was sad and angry. That evening I sat with it again to explore why there is such a development in that area. The answer was even more troubling and much too personal to talk about in such a public forum. This particular part of the colon typically has to do with holding family secrets and such. Carrying such things for many years drag on your system.

It has been nearly a week and I have a sense of the end trauma, but I still don’t know the details of the event that took place. It certainly makes sense of many things about how I push people away and then try to connect at the same time, among other things I do… Well, being a goal oriented person, I want to get this thing taken care of now. However it’s a process.

I sat with the feeling today and in meditation, I was stopped in a hallway by my 8-year-old self. He was guarding the event and he wasn’t letting me pass. I am not ready today according to him, but I still need to continue to show up and build a relationship with this event so I can heal. It is so important at this time to be extra careful with my diet to stay aware. I cannot lose this. My future literally depends on getting to the core of this issue.

I sought out the advice of a few people I trust, but the consensus is that this is such a great opportunity. When someone heals you of the condition, you don’t always have the opportunity to master it completely yourself. Due to a traumatic issue, your ego builds a compensation mechanism that alters your personality to balance the scales if you will. When the event is healed, the ego compensation is sometimes overlooked and can remain. I used to use this event as evidence that people were out to get me and as a power play to hold people at arm’s length.

All of this talk about the longer road as a means to healing reminds me of a story….

A while back I saw a healer whom at first I wasn’t so sure I wanted them to work on me. This person proceeded to do a few tricks to get me to see that they were so good. They told me a few things that I already knew about myself and my ego was fed. I signed up and got worked on by this person.

After a few days, I felt like cement inside. I had no idea why, I mean I just got energy work done! This person plucked an issue out of my system about how I wasn’t the son my father wanted. I thought that would be so liberating to resolve something like that. I mean I always strived to be so perfect to gain my father’s approval, but nothing was ever good enough.

Weeks later I realize that this healer took this out of my system before I was ready to deal with it. The evidence was when I meditated, I have 3 inner children crying non-stop and very angry with me. Actually, one of the children told me that he told this person, “NO” when they went for this issue and they proceeded to put a bag over my kid’s head, punch him in the stomach and throw him in a closet. I was strong when I was child and very resilient, but it’s hard to defend an adult who knows what they are doing.

I learned over time that this healer was going for the “home run”. They wanted to find the biggest issue and “wow” me so I felt like I got my money’s worth. If they were really listening they would have known to go after the smaller issues around the larger issue to actually heal the bigger issue. My body wasn’t only damaged from the session, but so was my motivation. I never felt so lazy as I did at that point. I realized that this striving for approval was the fire that burned within me and made me have such a tireless work ethic. Sure that wasn’t a healthy reason to work hard, but it needs to be replaced by healthy motivations first before plucked out of the system. I also never got a full chance to learn about the issue because in a way it was stolen from me.

All in all, it is all good and God has provided some very important lessons through these experiences. I consider myself extremely fortunate. I hope this is helpful to you. Whenever choosing a healer always follow your intuition. Never trust people who feed your ego and show off all these bells and whistles about how good they are. Also never expect a quick miracle. Miracles take time. There is a ton of work to be done to get to the point where you can do something like walk again.

Also it is important for you to realize that there is no shame in the long way. Short cuts only short change you and your process. Sure the long way is painful, but it is truth and there is nothing more important then truth. Also by going through the process, you can now be that more experienced with it so you can help another on their path.

This 4th of July I spent some time with my mom. You know what is funny? Years ago I was living in DC and now I loved DC. There were always things to do and the area is so beautiful. I ended up moving back to Philly to be closer to my family, but when I moved back, they all ended up moving away, so it’s just my mom and I that live in the area now.

Anyways we were walking in the park and I was telling her about the yoga classes I taught over the weekend. For a while now I have been integrating emotional consciousness and Sat Nam Rasayan into the classes. What I attempt to do is sense the room and based on the organ or emotion that comes up, I pick a kriya to work on it. This particular morning everyone had a lot of tension in their gallbladders. Well that was the main issue, but there was a lot going on. So to begin the class, I just did a breathing exercise while bringing their attention to all the other parts of the body that were flaring up. It seemed to help center everyone.

I am telling my mom all of this and keep in mind she is an energy healer herself, so she understands what the I am trying to say. Having a mother as an worker is a great thing, but I cannot get away with anything with her. You cannot just have a simple conversation and that is that. She calls me out all the time.

Anyways, so I am telling her about class and she asks me if I ever ask students for feedback. She goes on to say that all of this work is great, but it may be too abstract for others to understand. Mom goes on to say it is all about serving the students, so it would be a good idea to get their feedback. I just responded with, “Yeah that might me something to consider.”

I was thinking about it. Ask the students for feedback? Here I thought that what was happening was so great. What kind of teacher would I be to ask for feedback? They will think I don’t know anything and that this was my first ever class. I don’t know about asking people for feedback in this situation…

We continue walking and the subject changes. I stop walking and can feel that my lungs and heart are killing me all of the sudden. I got a sudden rush of panic in my lungs like I was being chased by a bear and couldn’t breath well. I mentioned this feeling to my mom.

“Do you have a bruised ego,” Mom asked.

“I have a bruised ego over a lot of things I guess… wait you mean over what we just talked about? Really,” I asked.

“Well it’s up to you to suffer, but I would suggest that we don’t go anywhere until you fix this,” Mom said.

We stopped walking. There was a waterfall nearby and I stood next to it. By the way- if your heart ever gets jammed up, standing near a waterfall or running creek will help balance it out. Running water has the same flow the heart has. I grounded down and connected with the water.

She was right I reluctantly admitted after a couple of minutes. I surrender. Then we began walking again.

Seconds later, I felt really high like I was one foot off the ground. My head felt really good.

Like I said I can’t get away with anything. This situation was a really good example about what I am trying to express in my blog and my yoga classes. Here was a very simple interaction, but something happened. How many times do we feel things throughout the day like this? This conversation had a very subtle effect on my body. For me, it was the panic in my lungs. Yet we typically dismiss these feelings as a medical condition (sometimes they are and then you need to seek medical attention). Many times we don’t even feel it happening. What is the worst is when you don’t sense this feeling, but it is in there, so you run to get a cheeseburger to numb yourself. That is why even when not faced by a traumatic situation, we run and grab whatever it is we use to run away (food, alcohol, drugs, etc).

This all really makes sense of what our teacher, Yogi Bhajan meant when he told us to, “keep up.” Tons of things are happening throughout the day and we have to stay conscious of it and take responsibility for it. Otherwise the work piles up and we have even more work to do.

If only it were that simple as just eating beets. Being a man is much harder than most realize. Wait, there is more to being a man then just football, red meat and hardware stores? In many cultures there was an initiation process in order to transition from being a boy to a man. These sacred ceremonies were a test that the boy had to pass in order to earn the honor of being called a man. Native Americans had men leave their communities on a Vision Quest and they couldn’t come back until they were a man.

Men are leaders, committed, strong, grounded, supportive, unwavering, decisive, etc. In the modern society, there isn’t an initiation process and very few men that are educated on how to be a real man. So we have a world full of boys.

In the Man to Man manual, Yogi Bhajan recommends that men have beet soup (Borcht) everyday as well as cucumber juice. Beets are grounding and also detoxify the liver (anger). Yogi Bhajan said that Borcht is the single best thing a man can have. The book doesn’t have a recipe for Borcht, so I included it down below. Cucumbers will keep a man emotionally balanced and calm. There are also many other great foods & recipes for men listed in the book.

Diet is extremely important in supporting your process, but if you have issues around being decisive, committed, strong, grounded, etc then food alone wont be the answer. “Man to Man” also has many kriyas that will help you with these issues (Kriya to Realize Success, Kriya to be a Man, Kriya to Claim Your Virtues, Kriya to Communicate as You and many more).

Yogi Bhajan also lectures on many subjects and speaks about a number of inconvenient truths on sex and being a man that men need to hear.

Here is the Borcht recipe. It’s one of the best I have found and it’s great for summer.

For extra manliness eat with your shirt off. No seriously you may want to not be wearing a shirt because beets are really not good on the whites when they splash. Enjoy!

On the spiritual path there are points where we feel stuck. Especially from all the meditation and yoga classes we go to, it will pull up a lot of stuff. Good indications of this are: feeling worn out, not in charge of your emotions, angry for no reason, feeling sad or depressed, etc. If you ever have a dream that you are running from something scary like you are in a car chase or forgot to go to class for an entire semester, your subconscious may be trying to tell you something. You are running and you don’t want to face it. Feeling new emotions or past traumas can just feel like chaos rather than what they are. We want to bring this chaos from darkness to light. Here are some helpful tips on what to do when you are feeling stuck:

1. Make Good Food Choices:

There is a difference between taking care of yourself vs. treating yourself. Find yourself gravitating to something with sugar in it or junk food? These not so great choices will just numb us from what is right around the corner. Don’t let food be an escape. Make sure you are eating good whole foods.

There is a lot of guidance in Dharma Singh’s book, Food as Medicine. You can try smoothies like the Depression Buster, Kidney Soother, Colon & Stomach Detox, Liver Detox or Lung Booster.

Also Yogi Bhajan’s book, Foods for Health & Healing is an amazing resource. In there, he speaks about how men should have cucumbers and women should eat white turnips when feeling when overly emotional. There is a recipe for almost every condition. The important thing is to take care of yourself with real food.

2. Stay Committed to Your Practice:

These tough stretches are the most important times to do your Sadhana, yoga and meditations. By continual practice, you will bring just a little more consciousness to your condition. Sadhana is just putting one foot in front of the other. Ever hear that riddle about how to walk out of hell? It’s by putting one foot in front of the other.

3. Chant a Mantra:

Find your personal mantra and keep chanting! Chanting will help you transcend your mind. “I AM I AM” is a great mantra to help center yourself. Sat Kartar’s version on the album Flow is one of my favorites. SA TA NA MA is also another great mantra to balance yourself. Check out Snatam Kaur’s 62 minute version. You can put it on in the background or chant along while driving. You will feel better!

4. Sit With It:

Not sure what “it” is? Sit with the feeling and more will come. Don’t avoid it. We can typically look for dramas to grab our attentions at this time. We can even get into arguments with others all in an effort to distract ourselves from what is going on. Keep the main thing the main thing. Sit with it.

5. Take Responsibility:

One of the hardest and yet most important steps in the process. You are only chewing on your food and not swallowing at this step. You need to digest it. Of course many of our issues are “tough pills to swallow”, but by just taking responsibility we are digging ourself out of jail. Of course easier said then done. It’s especially hard when dealing with traumas that someone else did to us and take responsibility for our role. This is very humbling, but yet empowering. It is the key.

6. Get Out There:

In tough times there is certainly value in sitting with yourself. This should be done as well. However you also need to get out there in the community. Even if you are a teacher with a busy schedule and personal practice, make sure you go to a yoga class, workshop, or morning Sadhana. Do conscious activities with like minds and the group consciousness will accelerate your progress. It will help you get to the heart of the matter. Its better than sitting around feeling bad about yourself, right?

7. Journaling:

So the mind is racing and racing in circles? You keep thinking about the same things over and over again. “I could have said this or should have done this!” Over thinking about it doesn’t solve the problem. Write down everything and witness your thoughts and stop getting swept up by them. Many times these thoughts are distractions from what is really going on inside. Someone made you feel a certain way? What did that trigger from the past? Get to the core of the issue. It works!

Ah Summer Solstice and how it stirs everything up! I am still processing pretty big time and trying to let the dust settle. Solstice was a powerful teacher this year. I remember last year, I pushed myself past my limit and paid for it for weeks. I mean, it took me at least a month to get my feet on the ground. Not a good thing when you have a job that holds you accountable for production goals. Wow that was hell! But it helped my learn how to listen and take care of myself.

This year I was determined to take better care of myself. I was going to take it slower. I was going to care of myself and not do things to check them off a list. I have a good friend from high school who lives in ABQ and decided to have lunch with him and his family on Saturday before flying home to Philly. It had been a while. Brian has always been a great friend. In my reckless drinking days, he would be the responsible one and make sure that I got home safe even if it meant risking his own safety. As I have pursued my spiritual pursuits, we have grown further apart. I just am not the same person I was, which is the person he wants me to be. So part of me was dreading the chance to see him. The other part was excited to see an old, dear friend. If anything it would be a great chance to reintegrate into society and ground down.

I walked in the door to their apartment and there was Brody. He is a 2 year old, blue eyed, blonde haired box of laughter. It’s not normal laughter. It’s the kind that comes straight from the belly and you can feel the vibration hit you in the navel, throat and heart. It penetrates. It reminded me of when I used to laugh like that. That was joy. My mom would say I would laugh so hard like that everyone around me would laugh. That would only make me laugh harder. I would laugh so hard that my face would turn red and I would pass out. Mom was afraid that I would literally kill myself from laughing.

Anyway, Brody at first was hiding his face in the pillows of the sofa. He was acting shy, which is funny because he is not a shy kid and neither are his parents. In no time he opened up and 2 minutes later he was tackling me in the hallway and then dragging me into his room to show me his new toys.

We went out to eat with my friend, his wife and Brody. Brody and I had a lot of fun. We were acting out with our utensils and he kept looking under the table. When I also looked, he quickly picked his head up above the table and I would follow. This cycle continued on for a while. It’s fun to be a kid again. Then I started to notice something. Sure I am a grown up and this is ok because I am a friend. I am cool to Brody, but still this behavior usually gets him into trouble with his parents.

Brian tells me how hard it is to break a child’s dependence on his parents. I never realized this at all. He was talking about how the hardest time for a parent is when you have to just let the child cry throughout the night because sooner or later they need to be on their own 2 feet. It hurts the parents more then it hurts the child. You just want to be there for him, but you cannot. It’s for their own good. They need to learn to be a functioning human and grow out of being a baby. Instead of crying when we want something, we need to learn to actually get up and get it ourselves. If he doesn’t learn it now, how will he be able to get what he wants in life? The crying game in the adult world may get you sympathy, but you will never get what you want. Sooner or later it will just drive people away.

As a baby you have to depend on your parents for everything because there is nothing you can do on your own. Your world revolves around the parents. To parents that are insecure, this makes them feel wanted and loved. We all need to feel loved. However milking that for too long is unfair to the child. Brian tells me about their neighbor who never let their 2 year old become independent and now they are paying for it. The child is abusive to other children and cries every time they are in public. At this age, this baby should know better but he has his parents wrapped around his finger. It continues to grow worse.

It brings me back to my childhood. I took everything too personally. I had this chip on my shoulder that my parents didn’t love me. They were out to get me. When they punished me, I made it a point to not get the point. I literally thought I could go into my brain and delete the lesson. How could they throw me to the wolves? I carried this throughout most of my life into adulthood. It used it to motivate me in sports. I wasn’t good enough for my parents so fuck them. I felt so alone. I wasn’t good enough for anyone, so I have to rely on only myself. Those fucks. I will show them that they made the wrong choice to hate me. I will rise to be more powerful then God himself and show them.

That was my rage and this feeling was at my disposal anytime I even accessed it when there was a relationship brewing with a girl. I would literally get all mad at women because they didn’t think I was good enough (even though it wasn’t reality). Man I loved that story. It got me so mad. This anger made me feel so alive when otherwise I felt lifeless. It also allowed me to push everyone away and then I could also blame them for it. I had a good crazy old game going on. For some reason it made me feel alive.

Well in the end it all comes down to me. What happens to us happens through us. I can blame everyone in the world, but to the core of it, this is my issue. Brian and Jenna love Brody with every cell in their body. They have only the best of intentions for him and want to have him grow to be a strong, independent man. My parents had the same intentions. They loved me and were doing the best that they could. My problem wasn’t my parents. I was looking for someone to take the blame. It was me and my relationship with myself. That is a hard pill to swallow—realizing that the people you have blamed all of your life are not to blame. Now all I have is this feeling and no one to pin it to…. its just me and…. me. No where to run anymore. My feelings are mine. The wars internally and externally have only been my causing have been mine all along.