I am now actively advertising my services and am looking for clients (doula, breastfeeding counseling). We interviewed someone today to watch DD while I meet clients and attend births and things went pretty ok. DH and I both think that we could feel comfortable with the childcare provider (a mama who is currently working on getting her license in the next few months) but there are my fears. The fear that something will happen to DD when I am not there. I have horrible control and anxiety issues when it comes to her, her safety, and well-being. I don't know how to let go. I just don't. And I know that I have to if I ever want to work again. How did you let go? Please share.

5PrincessMommy

05-02-2011 01:21 AM

Re: How do/did you let go of your LO? Childcare....

I don't really have an answer. BUT, in your case, a center may fit your needs better. Lots of staff, lots of people, meaning abuse and such is very unlikely to occur without being seen. But as far as bumps and bruises when you aren't around..things will happen. Things that are nobody's fault. For instance, my dd got hit in the head by a toy when an older child threw it. She got a pretty good knot from it. But he was a toddler, he didn't mean to hurt her, and she just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, kwim? But individual caretakers make me nervous, because there's nobody watching over them, and nobody to hold them accountable.

waiting4babygurl

05-02-2011 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs_Brady

I don't really have an answer. BUT, in your case, a center may fit your needs better. Lots of staff, lots of people, meaning abuse and such is very unlikely to occur without being seen. But as far as bumps and bruises when you aren't around..things will happen. Things that are nobody's fault. For instance, my dd got hit in the head by a toy when an older child threw it. She got a pretty good knot from it. But he was a toddler, he didn't mean to hurt her, and she just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, kwim? But individual caretakers make me nervous, because there's nobody watching over them, and nobody to hold them accountable.

This is exactly why we chose a center.

doodah

05-02-2011 07:27 AM

Re: How do/did you let go of your LO? Childcare....

I think you just need to figure out what is most important to you. Facilities and in-homes both have their pros and cons. With a facility, my main concern is that there is so much staff and normally a lot of turnover. Depending on the class, there would most like be different caregivers at different parts of the day and also, a much higher ratio normally. I don't think that facilities are necessarily "safer" because a lot of time there is still only one teacher for the whole classroom. If you like the in-home provider that you met, check all her references, get a background check, check her status with the state, ask about anybody else who lives in the house or is regularly there, schedule a few times for you and your child to go together and see how he does. There are a lot of things you can do in either scenario to feel more comfortable with the option and it will get easier the more you do it. I would look for a really established provider with lots of experience and a great reputation.

luvsviola

05-02-2011 12:13 PM

Re: How do/did you let go of your LO? Childcare....

I am not one of those moms that thinks "I'm the only one that can do this" so for me it is easy. My kid will be fine for a few hours as long as someone changes her diaper and feeds her. If there is a problem, they will call me. Kids also do dumb stuff sometimes (DD is a klutz) and yes, she might get hurt. That is a part of life. I just move on with my day. When you look at the number of daycare providers vs the number of abuse cases, it is an amazingly small percentage. My kid is more likely to be hurt in a car accident than abused at a daycare. I visited several places, and chose a place where the teachers were warm and caring, and there were lots of hugs and smiles. Parents are always welcome to walk in to my DD's MDO school after checking in at the office, and every time I have ever just dropped in, she is having a blast and smiling.

Seriously, kids love being around other kids. My daughter runs in the door of her MDO program totally excited to see her teachers and talks about her friends all the time.

Skittle

05-02-2011 12:55 PM

Re: How do/did you let go of your LO? Childcare....

Thanks mamas. I don't have a lot of options as far as facilities. I spent a day just working the phone trying to find centers that offer drop-in care. She gave me referrals and I will contact them today. Her mom lives with her and we also got to meet her. The provider has a fiance but he doesn't live there and is at work during the day. She said that we can meet him as well if we would like. She also said that if I ever feel the need to call or just check in, I am more than welcome to. She has a 4 y/o daughter who seems very bossy (just like every other 4 y/o I met sofar :giggle:) but they were getting along great and seemed to be liking each other. She did knock over a play table tho when her mom said "no" to something (I don't remember what it was) and honestly I am not sure if that normal as my LO has a gentle personality (not that she never throws tantrums :giggle:)? DD felt comfortable there and started playing as soon as we got into the house though.

How do I go about a background check and how do I check her status (?) with the state if she's not licensed yet?

nakedbabytoes

05-02-2011 02:53 PM

Re: How do/did you let go of your LO? Childcare....

Request a background check thru your local PD. And google her name(and fiancÚ too!). Check with the state to see if she's license compliant & ever had complaints. Talk to past parents of any DC kids she's cared for. Just drop in sometimes.
Abuse can happen anywhere, don't let the idea of a center give you false security. I live a block from a center & I've called in on 2 cases of physical abuse by the caregivers(even with 3 teachers present!) by these people just walking with their classes on our bike trail by our house. If there is a culture of tolerance, center eyes get you nowhere. Think of "pack mentality". People alone wont sometimes do things they will when others ARE around. If people are gonna abuse, they'll do it no matter where it is.
I don't think home daycares are any more or less likely to abuse than centers.
Check. Talk. Check. Ask. Listen.

Lilysmom10

05-04-2011 09:10 AM

Re: How do/did you let go of your LO? Childcare....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs_Brady
(Post 12850512)

I don't really have an answer. BUT, in your case, a center may fit your needs better. Lots of staff, lots of people, meaning abuse and such is very unlikely to occur without being seen. But as far as bumps and bruises when you aren't around..things will happen. Things that are nobody's fault. For instance, my dd got hit in the head by a toy when an older child threw it. She got a pretty good knot from it. But he was a toddler, he didn't mean to hurt her, and she just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, kwim? But individual caretakers make me nervous, because there's nobody watching over them, and nobody to hold them accountable.

This is why we wanted a center. I didn't like the idea of a baby being in a stranger's home with only one adult around. While the odds of abuse or mistreatment are low in any licensed daycare setting, I felt more comfortable with having multiple adults present.

A center does not mean that abuse or mistreatment is impossible; a friend pulled her daughter from a center when they were informed via a note in the cubby that the lead teacher in the room had been fired and the center was being investigated by the state because this teacher had been physically disciplining infants. :eek: Apparently many other teachers knew this teacher spanked babies but no one reported it until a new teacher saw it and was horrified - she immediately called the state (and good for her!). My friend rightfully refused to leave her daughter there after that, and cobbled together care for a month or so until their baby could start at the center that our baby attends.

My motto is trust, but verify. I find time to make occasional unannounced visits. I have never seen or heard anything on these visits that gives me cause for concern. :) We also carefully selected our center; it has a homelike environment with low teacher turnover, unlike several of the large chain/franchise daycares that we visited.

My brother and I were both in daycare as children and certainly suffered no ill effect, so the thought of putting our kid(s) in daycare didn't bother me. It's not like we have a choice; we both have to work and we don't have a family member who could take care of our baby. If she needs me, they call immediately and she has so much fun and is definitely learning new things, even at only 9 months old.

newbiemama

05-04-2011 09:39 AM

Re: How do/did you let go of your LO? Childcare....

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO is find a childcare provider YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH!!!! you'd be amazed how you can ease many of your anxieties once you find the *right* childcare. and you will know in your heart it's right. we have DD in a center and as much as i want to stay home full-time with her, i also SO WANT her to be in this center. we LOVE the staff, LOVE the interaction she gets with other toddlers, LOVE the learning and education she's getting. ALSO what helped with me a lot was i was able to bring DD into the center and just hang out in the room with her before she started, to get DD comfortable with the enviornment and people, as well as myself. that eased A LOT of anxieties.

as far as when that fateful day comes and you leave LO for the first time... that's a whole 'nother story. there will be tears (from both kid and mom) and tantrums (probably mostly just from the kid), but after a while that will go away and it will become routine. DD cried for about the first week in the toddler room, now i just give her a hug, kiss, and watch and she runs to her friends and plays with the teachers.

it's a good thing to do. its hard, but you can do it. you'll know when you find the right care provider. :hugs::hugs:

desertgirl

05-04-2011 10:20 AM

Re: How do/did you let go of your LO? Childcare....

Quote:

Originally Posted by waiting4babygurl
(Post 12850533)

This is exactly why we chose a center.

Yes, us too. It's a small center, so my kid is not lost in the maze and the director is so on top of things that I don't spend a second worrying about how safe my kid is under her staff. If the director leaves, I'm not sure what we'll end up doing.

As far as letting go, well, you just do it. You may be surprised and find that it might make you a better parent. Less helicoptery, less control-freak, and more confident of yourself and your child.