Thank you that was a great post!
I felt that way in the beginning as well-for a minute- but she is not as pretty, not nearly as smart and has nothing to offer my wh besides 3 kids that are not his. I had met her and talked to her and quickly decided she was trashy before any of this happened. Now i know it...and I can easily go on without WH if i choose. I will lose nothing, not my home, not my lifestyle, nothing besides him. Both of them are such broken people IMHO.

Illinoisgirl posted 1/7/2010 06:19 AM

Shortly after d-day I went to OW's work to see what she looked like. She was alright looking but nothing special. I could never quite understand why he would be willing to risk it all for her.

Now reading your post, it makes much more sense. It could have been anyone, she was just convenient. It wasn't really about her, it was something broken within him.

I'm definitely adding this one to my journal...Thank you dbb!

loststar2500 posted 1/7/2010 06:43 AM

inspiring, thank you

renee21 posted 1/7/2010 08:01 AM

Thank you...we all need to hear that....and yes my WH picked the desperate party girl/single mom (average looks and not the type that he could bring home to mom), the desperate somewhat chunky career girl and the younger airhead with no self esteem or backbone...none of these women were super attractive...so I can attest to they don't go for the prize, they go for whoever is stupid enough to participate.....I am assuming my role at the front of the pack because I know I am a rare gem as far as a wife is concerned....Thank you again for that post....

Gofigure posted 1/7/2010 08:33 AM

That is exactly what I told my WH. OW was someone from his job. I know her. I know that she is nothing but trash. She had no problem letting that be known. I can not tell you how many work functions that we went to (before A started), where she brought the guy that she picked up from the bar the night before. At one function her stellar date was sitting next to me, and started blowing in MY ear!! TRASH, TRASH, TRASH! WH eventually admitted that was probably why he sought her out. He knew she was easy.

I know that on my worst day, I am 1000x's better than her on her best.

sad&scared posted 1/7/2010 08:38 AM

After all, she wasn't able to keep him even considering he was in a "loveless, sexless" marriage to a "cold-hearten woman."

This is just what I needed today...true my sneaky H kept sneaking back but he is still here (for now)!

ohsolost posted 1/7/2010 08:45 AM

This is very good, and I wish I had read it after the first DDay. Later I found out that OW1 preyed on married men, she was older and not very attractive. But she had been "abused" and it was x's responsibility to save her.

Enter OW2, she was also "abused" and weak. xWH even cheated on HER, but they are still together, because she didn't let him go, and he probably looks at her as being the brave one who rode through his A...it'll happen again...and I don't have to worry about it!

BigTexN posted 1/7/2010 08:56 AM

The point of this thread is something that you do not get. That many, if not all betrayed spouses (although this was in support of betrayed wives) take such a hit to their self esteem, as they question if their husband would have not strayed if they had only been prettier, thinner, sexier, smarter, taller, bigger boobs, whatever. We wrestle with those thoughts almost to the point of self destruction.

DB, as a BH, I can tell you that I experienced some of these same insecurities myself but from a male standpoint.

I questioned my looks but, most of all, I questioned my status as a good provider to my family. If my business hadn't turned down, would she have wandered? If I had so much money in reserve that we weren't hurt when she lost her job, might she have stayed true?

But, the truth that I discovered about each of the OM in my situation was that they were worse off financially than me. A couple of them were mortgage brokers for Countrywide...the mortgage company that was a catalyst for the crisis we are in.

BW and BH have the same types of questions about themselves...just from different core gender perspectives.

Caston posted 1/7/2010 09:14 AM

I absolutely love this....I have loved it since the first time I read it and printed it out. It is more than accurate in my situation with all four ow. I have even thought about mailing to the other women just to make sure they knew where they stood, but I think they already know.

THANKS!!!!!

wewillsurvive posted 1/7/2010 09:36 AM

Thank you. I really needed this today. It has made my day brighter seeing it worded this way

m334455 posted 1/7/2010 11:21 AM

Yep, I noticed this too. I know OW and I also know I'm the better pick. In fact, me and two of my friends keep saying it would serve him right to get stuck with her.

My WH OW is married to, and I'd say my WH is "affairing down" for her too. Her husband is awesome. Believe me, I wish feelings and love didn't work quite the way they do, because her BH and I would probably be better off if we all just played musical spouses, LOL.

ichoose2live posted 1/7/2010 13:15 PM

WOW! You are spot on with everything you said dbb! I think we all need to print this out and read it when we start to doubt ourselves and have self esteem issues. Thank you for your great insights.

italianfireball posted 1/7/2010 13:23 PM

I'm bookmarking this post!
Thank you!
You made me feel like the beautiful, awesome, strong, empowered woman that I knew I was before this affair

jdptx posted 1/7/2010 14:02 PM

This is the 2nd time I've read this and it's like reading it for the first time. I definitely need to read this more often.

But why do I feel the urge to send it to OW? I won't, of course, but it would be nice for me to let her know what she really is! Thanks for bumping!

booger bear posted 1/8/2010 18:00 PM

bump

booger bear posted 1/9/2010 13:09 PM

bump

foreverchangedwi posted 1/10/2010 09:46 AM

yeah but what if they don't leave her, and they leave you....what does that say about the BW.

No one deserves to be cheated on. That is NOT how you handle issues or how to end a relationship. That said, people don't always do the right thing, behave the right way.

Some WS's leave because they feel so ashamed and KNOW they don't deserve us. Some leave because they are too lazy (hence the cheating) to work on the marriage, and sadly, some leave because they fall in love with someone else.

As bad as it hurts, who would want someone that wasn't committed to them! I know I wouldn't.

If your WS/SO leaves you for the OW/OM, know that they will never trust each other completely. And that's something to about.

loststar2500 posted 1/10/2010 16:54 PM

so true on every level. I read everyday and copied it to my journal. A great pick me up when you are feeling down. In my case also it was a very trashy woman. The act happened in the back of a vehicle with my H and ow, he should have just paid her. Only whores or hookers work from the back of a vehicle. I also feel sorry for this OW. I mean how low can your self esteem be to go after a married man and then screw him in the back of a vehicle. I now know after many weeks of being heartbroken about this that on my worst days I am a million times better than that piece of trash.

devastatedmomof2 posted 1/10/2010 16:59 PM

Wow! Is this ever powerful. Thank you for this much needed wake up call. Every word of it is true!