Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Dude, you look different. New haircut?

Chris Jack shows how rough rugby can be, sporting a swollen ear after a match in Wellington, New Zealand (Getty Images).

Oven door passed off as flat-screen TV?

An unsuspecting woman purchased a "flat-screen television set" at a bargain price, the package even bubble-wrapped and complete with cord and controller.

But when the street consumer returned home that February day with her "steal" of a product, she was likely steamed. "It was actually an oven door inside the package," explained Detective Sgt. Jim Walsh.

The 42-year-old theft victim was reportedly approached by the 43-year-old suspect Feb. 20 at her job. The asking price for the bogus TV screen was $500, but when the victim couldn't come up with the money, the suspect settled for $300.

The oven door was wrapped in plastic to look like a flat screen, had Wal-Mart store labels, and included a generic remote control. "It's an elaborate job of packaging," Walsh said.

Despite the bizarre fraud, police say oven doors are an increasingly hot item in area burglaries. Just this week two reports of stolen oven doors made their way to South Bend Police.

Police have had only a couple reports of the doors being sold as flat-screen televisions, but it's likely others went unreported, the detective said.

This is too funny. The look on this woman’s face when she realized her flat-screen TV was an oven door must have been priceless. Article here.

Hey Jon, I know it's Spring Break... wake up! Do you and your friend want to have some Peanut Butter Crunch?

Kicked out of mall for using cell phone

A Kansas City woman is screaming mad after a cell phone conversation got her kicked out of Crown Center. Zekia Geotcha says she was treated unfairly. She was kicked out of the entire mall after one store clerk did not want her on the phone.

Cell phones are a major convenience at times and an annoying disturbance at other times. Some people find users rude when they are constantly on the phone, or when they are in a quiet place and being loud.

Geotcha, a professional stylist, says she was kicked out for talking. She was shopping at the Mirage Jewelry Store when she says a sales associate refused to assist her until she finished the conversation."There are onlookers that are looking – it almost looks like I’ve been shoplifting," Geotcha said. "’ If you get off the telephone, I’ll be happy to help you,’ is what she said." When Geotcha questioned the clerk, security guards were called in. They told her to just leave the mall. "He said, ‘You know what, ma’am? Just leave the mall,’" Geotcha said. "And he taunted me on the way out by saying ‘If you go into another you’re going to jail. Do you want to get arrested today?’"

A Crown Center spokesperson denied the allegations, but refused to discuss "personal matters" regarding their customers. The spokesman did say that Geotcha is welcome to go back to Crown Center.

"I’ll never shop in there again," Geotcha said. "I deserve better treatment than that – spending my money; I wouldn’t even run the risk of being treated like that again."

Kind of crazy huh? You’d have to admit, society is starting to draw barriers on if when and where you can use cell phones. No longer do people think you ‘look cool’ when they are on their phones. In fact, I would think more people just find it annoying if you are talking on your cell phone in public. Part of me thinks some people just talk on their cell phone in certain places for no good reason. For example, people who talk on their phone in public bathrooms at work/restaurants… that’s just weird. Or how about the people who walk around with Bluetooth headsets in public? Those a$$-clowns really make me mad. Frankly, those people really just make me want to walk up to them and RIP IT OFF THEIR EAR. I do own one myself though (and they are awesome to have). However, the only place you’ll ever catch me wearing it is in my house or in my car. Article here.

Lindsay Lohan shows her butt to kids?

This is a picture from Lindsay Lohan at the 2006 Kids Choice Awards. When she went to present an award she was bending down to slap the kids hands, she had a little bit of a... wardrobe malfunction! As you can see in that first picture down below, she may or may not be wearing underwear. You decide.

I don't know what kind of girl doesn't wear underwear when hanging around a bunch of 10 year olds… kind of crude, wouldn’t you say Lindsay?

The dumbest tattoo of all-time

Men willingly cut their penis’ off

At least six men traveled from across the nation and abroad to learn “slave training” and have their genitals mutilated by a man they called “Master Rick” in a sadomasochistic dungeon, according to court papers and investigators.

Haywood County authorities said Friday the men were castrated during eight illegal surgeries at a home on Peace Mountain Road in the Allens Creek community.

One of the men arrested Thursday filmed himself performing a surgery. Investigators said they found the DVD when they searched the home on Wednesday. Investigators would not say whether the DVD was made for sale. They also would not say whether anyone was paid for the surgeries.

They believe the victims willinglyparticipated.

Three men who lived at the home were jailed on charges of felony castration and maiming without malice and practicing medicine without a license. They were being held on $150,000 bond each. The arrests stunned the ex-wife of one of the men charged, who said her former husband “is as gentle as a child.”

The case is the first involving willing castration in Haywood County and could be the first in North Carolina, District Attorney Michael Bonfoey said. “This right here beats everything I have ever seen,” Sheriff Tom Alexander said.

I’m confused when I look at this picture?

Judge orders mom not to have sex

A Brevard County mother accused of killing her own child is facing unusual sanctions. A judge has ordered her to not have sex.

Prosecutors say Jaclyn Helsel, 20, gave birth to two babies just seven months apart, and they said she threw the second one out with the trash. So, a judge is trying to make sure she does not get pregnant again.

Helsel was originally ordered held without bail, but she was released on Friday morning after a judge agreed to a $35,000 bail. Last month, Helsel was arrested on a charge of aggravated manslaughter after the premature birth of a baby. Prosecutors said she failed to get any medical attention for the newborn boy, who was born at home and then put in the garbage dead.

"It's something that is very tragic and unnecessary in this case," said prosecutor Julia Lynch. Helsel had to do more than satisfy the $35,000 bond. She had to agree not to have sexual intercourse, and to not even associate with any male over the age of 15 unless she's supervised.

"It's reasonable because it will prevent another unwanted pregnancy," Lynch said. Lynch pointed out that Helsel was already the mother of two when she got pregnant again, and her second child was only 7 months old when the third baby was born.Lynch said Helsel is not a naive teenager, but an experienced adult who must be held fully responsible for what she did. Lynch said she's comfortable with the release, even though the terms are difficult to enforce. Article here.

Damn dude, door to the nuts? That sucks.

HS Coach provides booze for boys

Sheriff’s deputies arrested a local high school teacher on Tuesday for allegedly giving alcohol to some of her students. Axtell high school coach Heather Nicole Tindle is charged with five counts of furnishing alcohol to minors, and more charges could eventually be filed against her.

They arrested one of the school’s teachers, Heather Tindle, for buying students beer in early February. “Coach Tindle had rode home with some boys after a basketball game and during that ride, they agreed to meet up later,” said investigator Brad Skaggs. On that bus ride investigators say Tindle and the five boys made plans to go out drinking, they say they met up later that evening at the Highway 84 and 31 split and piled in Tindle’s car. Investigators say they put down 24 beers in all, while driving along Highway 31 and while parked in a remote location off the highway.

Axtell ISD administrators aren’t speaking publicly about the action they’ve taken. “From what I understand, speaking with the school officials, they did an internal investigation and based on the information they obtained from these students, they called her in their office and asked her to resign and she has done that,” explained Skaggs.

Tindle is out on $5,000 bond, if convicted on all five counts of furnishing alcohol to minors, she could be fined as much as $20,000 and could also spend up to five years in jail. Article here.

Awwee... loook-at-daa-bunnny!

Eva Longoria wants to have an affair

Starpulse is reporting that Eva Longoria wants to hook up with Michael Douglas in an upcoming episode of Desperate Housewives. She has expressed interest doing a sex scene with him (which is kind of unreal considering he is old enough to be mummified).

The two are in that movie The Sentinel, and it is coming out soon. When asked about Douglas she said: "He could play my older lover."Eva Longoria… I wonder what your what your significant other thinks about this? Well, then again- he’s a rich and successful NBA basketball star (Tony Parker)… so he could probably care less about it. By the way, while I was Googling Eva Longoria… I found out she is 30 years old. Tony Parker, is only 23 years old. Shocking? No. But kind of interesting wouldn’t you say? Whatever. I’m just mentioning it because I’m jealous.

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."