How many would have broken up anyway? Swinging may have just started the discussion.

The swinger married couple I see enjoy a type of intimancy that is rare amoungst other couple. Why? They have had to learn to discuss heavy subjects. That can only be a good thing.

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD

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Well I don't know if we've known people in good healthy marriages who get divorced after swinging. We know several couples who have gotten divorced after starting swinging. The only regret we have is letting others pressure us into playing when we weren't ready. now that we are more confident we'll let that hot couple go if they are pushy, because we know we'll find another somewhere down the line.

Binghamton NY

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yep....maybe they are getting a divorce

Pelham AL

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Most of the couples I know of who broke up while involved in the Lifestyle had unrelated problems or problems that may have been made worse--or more evident--because of their swinging activities but which existed beforehand. Letting other people "into" a relationship, even on a relatively superficial level, puts stress on that relationship. For some people, it's rewarding enough to make that worthwhile, and a strong relationship can handle it. If a couple has problems, the additional stress can be fatal.

Based on my experience (which is considerable) the one real danger for a couple that starts out solid is if one partner really loves the Lifestyle and the other does not...or one wants to drop out at some point and the other does not. If one partner discovers a level of sexual freedom and variety (and interesting friendships) that he or she really enjoys, it can sometimes be compelling enough to make them leave what seemed like a satisfactory marriage beforehand. So...it's important that in this case the partner that isn't into it speaks up VERY early in the proceedings, rather than pretending to be OK with it until the other person gets so involved that they view leaving as unacceptable.

Springfield VA

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True Jim, But my guess is that couples who grow apart but still communicate part as friends, and that is rare.

Mike

Bedford PA

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While failure to communicate is a major factor, I have found that people often simply grow apart over time. When couples find after 15-20 years of marriage that they have different dreams about what they want from life - type of home, geographic location, type of career, importance of income, valuing material possessions vs travel & experiences, etc., then sometimes splitting up is the only way for each of them to realize their dream and feel fulfilled as a person.

It's not always someone's FAULT, and not even always because of communication issues. It can often simply be a compelling need to move in different directions in order to find inner peace.

Young people today often get married in their late 20s or early 30s, whereas we got married in our early 20s, and our parents got married in their late teens. The longer one remains single, the better chance they have to truly understand their own needs and desires, and what they need to find in a compatible life partner. Knowing what you WANT is only half the battle, though. It's equally important to know what you DON'T want.

Knowing those things takes time & some life experience. In particular, whether they go on to college, or graduate school after college, or go to work right out of high school, people tend to change a LOT in the first few years after they are out of school and working in the real world. Your values and goals may change a lot during that time, but usually don't change a lot after that. So we suspect that those who marry in their late 20s or early 30s may well experience a lower divorce rate than those who marry young.

Sex is not usually a cause for divorce. More likely it's a symptom of a pre-existing relationship problem.

South Riding VA

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My belief is no matter what the individual issues are, what ultimately breaks marriages is failure to communicate.

Mike

Bedford PA

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We have known many people who have had marriages broken from swinging. 90 perecent were couples who really shouldn't have been swinging in the first place to be honest. The other 10 percent, shit happens.

We also are those who believe that most who think that being lifestylers will fix your problems are usually mistaken. We are lifestylers as an enhancement as to who we are.

One Love, Ella and Darren

Fresno CA

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Kacey I agree with you totally at keeping your emotions in check and have always always maintained that.Funny how people think that it means unemotional and mechanical sex . You can have your emotion for sex, your passion for sex and transfer that to another without needing or finding the want to express your love for another. A passion for a certain exotic look that you enjoy,a passion for a certain feature that you enjoy without having an emotional bond to that said person.Its totally NOT mechanical or unemotional sex

Sarasota FL

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I posted something on this same issue some time ago.We have known quite a few that have split up, in which we have met them while swinging.At least 12 so far. Saying that , I will also say that swinging was not the cause of the splitups.Most likely no communication prior to getting into swinging,sexual frustration among themselves prior to swinging,insecurities that were never discussed prior to swinging.They had weak marriages when we met them in most of the cases. The others, that we were much tighter with , we subsequently have found more details as to the split which also coincide with a weak marriage. In the last 3 months one who was a close friend split along with an acquantance that we have known from swing clubs the past several years. These people would have eventually split whether or not they were swinging or just vanilla. I think that most judgements on how close a couple are that are involved with swiinging are clouded with optimism,delightful hope,and a christmas wish list yearning..We see what we want to see an allow what can be obvious, we throw under the bus as not so obvious. We all try our best at picking who we will join,sometimes we just do not choose better . One way that we used ot channel our ideas on how a couple gets along, we used to go to pubs have a few drinks and shoot pool.Suzy cheats to get one ball in a pocket,I am veyr good but set others up to play well.If we play a couple where one or the other gets angry over loosing or someone missing an easy shot ,or tries to tell one exactly how and where to shoot with a controling maner and then gets angry due to missing. This tells us this is a control freak that its all about that person and no one else matters. If they have an oh well attitude, they are a team player and understand the difference between play and fun from serious time.You would be surprised at how much a game will show you the character of another. Once we find a controling person in the game,my game traditionally gets so much better then we go our own way.We are not interested in someone who has the me me attitude we are really turned on by the people who know how to give of themselves