Saturday, August 15, 2009

Fat Bridesmaid challenged her readers to post a no makeup self portrait, in the spirit of honesty and true selves and all that.

I think that's a great idea. This blog naturally lends itself to focus what I put on my body, and less on who I am--regardless of what I wear (though I think clothing and makeup can be a great method of self-expression, and sometimes I feel more "me" dressed to the nines with a full face of glamour).

But here I am, sans makeup, in a picture I took for my fiance:

Know what else? I LOVE that at 24, I already have laugh lines around my eyes.

Friday, August 7, 2009

So no news is good news over here. I haven't been focusing too much on trying to lose weight but right now, almost everything in my kitchen is organic, locally grown, and healthy. I'm not trying to force myself into my old healthy regimen too quickly--I'm taking it slowly, making gradual changes, with the goal of adopting them into a lifetime of healthiness.

But here's what I have been doing lately:

Dancing ON A BAR with friends. Yes. On a bar. I don't even dance on the floor, usually, so on top of a bar was a big event. Teaching my first *solo* comp class:Hanging out with the best fiance in the universe (at the Memphis, TN zoo in this one):Buying this red couch without using my credit card:Getting ready for my parents' visit this weekend (mostly cleaning and pretending I do laundry on a regular basis):

Saturday, July 11, 2009

In the past three weeks, I've only cooked about 3 meals at home. I can't tell you the last time I exercised. I don't even want to look at my scale. I don't have to. I can feel my body creeping back to what it was last January. Heavy, inflexible, unhealthy.

I know that's not what I want to be, but I cant seem to buckle down and do what needs to be done. I'm not sure what it's going to take. Whenever I try to get back on track, I last for about a week, and then something will come up and I'll be right back into my old habits again. It's like I can't even convince myself anymore that I want to be healthy. It's not even a matter anymore of wanting to be fit and healthy and struggling to find energy to do that; it's a matter of me not even caring that I'm fat and out of shape. How do you get over that?

I realize that I'm fully responsible for what goes into my mouth, and what I choose to do with my body, and I recognize that I can't blame my repeated backsliding on anything but my choices, but let's face it. This is hard to do alone. I don't have the person that helped me lose so much weight last year. And I need to find a way to do this without Dustin dragging my ass to the gym every other day.

The way I see it, I've got a few options. I can force myself to do this on my own--through SparkPeople/Daily Plate/Lose It!/Wii/Park/DVDs/blogging. I can join Weight Watchers and try that again (it's been three years since I joined, and I'm willing to try again). I can join a gym and hope the cost in fees will keep me going.

I'm not trying to be whiny and annoying, but none of those options sound appealing to me. I need to care again, and I'm not sure why I don't.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Raquel Dress, $59(I thought about returning this dress, as it's too sexy to teach in, and I don't ever go anywhere worthy of such a nice dress. But I think I'll keep it. I feel sexy in it, so someone needs to invite me to a wedding or something, pronto.)

About Me

I'm 23, in grad school (I'm working on my Masters in American Lit), and working to be as healthy as I deserve to be. I'm slowly recognizing all the ways I've limited my body with bad choices, and I'm working to be a healthier, more alive woman. If you ever want to contact me, please drop me an email at 5keylimepies@gmail.com