Studies show that forging—and maintaining—real bonds is more important than ever to our health and happiness. The problem: We've lost sight of how to do it.

How to Make Friends (In Real Life)Studies show that forging—and maintaining—real bonds is more important than ever to our health and happiness. The problem: We've lost sight of how to do it.

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The last time I checked, I had 643 Facebook friends and 1,124 Twitter followers. To me, it feels like a pretty exclusive group. But when a lazy evening rolls around and I realize there's no one I can invite over for an impromptu TV night, I pine for when I may have had only a half-dozen friends but saw them often and in person.

It's not just me, either. Researchers have found that people are "collecting more acquaintances but don't really have time for true friendships," says Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University and writer of Psychology Today's Friendship 2.0 blog. "We're actually starting to get lonelier."

Knowing more people while having fewer friends sounds counterintuitive, until you consider that nearly 40 percent of Americans feel more comfortable socializing online than face-to-face. I'm one of them.

A few minutes ago, I declined a dinner invite from my most raucous girlfriends. I mean, I just saw them. . .six months ago. I feverishly "like" my BFF's Instagram photos of Seattle, where she recently relocated, but I haven't called to ask how she's doing. And I can't remember the last time I tried to befriend someone new—at least off-screen.

Whether you blame Mark Zuckerberg or not, today's terminology for what makes someone a "friend" has gotten muddied. "How many of the friends hanging around in your feed would you bother to ask to brunch?" asks Bonior. In addition, digital interactions don't have the same benefits as IRL shopping excursions or fro-yo dates.

Girlfriends, in particular, come with special bonds and benefits. Research shows hanging with the gals can lower blood pressure, reduce the risk for depression, and create a sense of well-being. As one study points out, having a pitiful social life is as bad as (or worse than) being an alcoholic, smoking 15 cigarettes a day, or being obese. Friendship is healthier than kale, people!

One big sign your own bonds are lackluster is that you aren't doing things you'd like to do (karaoke! bar trivia! a juice cleanse!) because you have no one to join you, says Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at NYU School of Medicine and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. This doesn't mean that all of your buds have to be besties. Your gym pal may help you stay in shape, but you wouldn't call her for a ride home from the airport. Bonior says it can take any number of friends to fill the major roles: the listener, the cheerleader, the good-time gal, and the shoulder to cry on. The one constant is "you want the best for her and she wants the best for you," says Bonior. "You're both giving and receiving the benefits." So what's stopping you? Step up your friendship game with these tips.

Don't let your online friends be a time suck.
Touching base with your junior-high classmate online is fine, but you shouldn't spend two hours scrolling through her party pics. "Checking Twitter and Facebook can eat into time you might have otherwise spent with a close friend," says Carlin Flora, author of Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are.

Force yourself to make new friends.
Obviously, you'd rather watch TV than go to a wine bar with someone you barely know, "but if you meet with the same person over and over again, chances are high that you'll forge a meaningful friendship," says Shasta Nelson, founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, a friendship matching site, and author of Friendships Don't Just Happen! Try extending the time you see casual acquaintances; for example, if you've been doing Downward Dog next to someone for months, ask if she wants to get a smoothie after class.

You're not that busy—stop rescheduling.
When a great romantic date ends, you'd never say, "We should do it again sometime," and then let it go for three months. Why don't your girlfriends get that same courtesy? "It takes from six to eight connections with somebody before we start considering her a friend," says Nelson. If you meet up only once a month, it can take the better part of a year to reach that closeness.

Make a gesture, small or large.
Meaningful actions can mark you as a great friend, so jump in and be the one who throws her a 35th-birthday bash or drives four hours to attend her aunt's funeral, says Flora. When former publishing executive Rachel Guidera's home and most of her possessions were damaged by a hurricane, her friend Corrine Butler Thompson immediately started a fund-raising campaign to help—and raised $10,000.

From time to time, pick up the phone.
"Force yourself to have one long, meandering, laughter-filled phone call with a close friend at least once a month, whether she lives close by or far away," says Flora, who notes one study's findings that stressed-out daughters who spoke on the phone with their moms showed a decrease in the stress hormone cortisol and an increase in the anxiety-reducing hormone oxytocin. The same kind of mood enhancement would likely occur after a gab fest between good friends too, she says.