My attempts at breaking the box that surrounds us. Thoughts, truths, interrogations, life.

02/11/2010

Sea Shell Ears

What is up with America's obsession with serial killers, abusive boyfriends and the infidelities of celebrities? It has been a hard February thus far and I need somewhere to vent before I retreat to my favorite hidden cubicle in the library. Let's start with last week. Starting on Wednesday my right ear started to bother me. It wasn't particularly painful, the problem was that my hearing was muffled. It felt like I was plugging my ear. Of course I yawned and futzed with it but on Friday it became painful and I went to the doctor where a jolly man proceeded to squirt water directly into my ear through a syringe, also called a lavage. Fancy shmancy. The funny part was that my ears are "like sea shells and so small" according to the man. I guess that caused most of the water to just squirt right out. The purpose was to remove my ear wax. I held a plastic bowl under my ear to catch the wax in the water. I thought it was a grand old time. The wax in the bowl was pretty nasty though and it seemed like a lot! But the man said that I barely had any compared to what he usually sees! Long story short the doctor said that I had an ear infection on my ear drum and prescribed a course of antibiotics. A pretty intense one I might add. I am taking 2000 mg of amoxicillin each day. Of course, I with my sensitive bowels I experienced some issues, ahem. It was all fine until I realized that I was really itchy down there and diagnosed my self with a yeast infection. Reason being that all the normal flora of bacteria that line the vagina were killed and pathogens such as fungus (which is what causes yeast infections) decided to move in and make themselves at home. On Monday I spent most of my day at the doctors, again. The doctor insisted on doing a pelvic exam and taking a sample, just to be sure. Waited for the lab results and my diagnosis was correct. She said it was pretty bad so she gave me two different doses of the pill to take. All this from the ear infection. On Wednesday I had a bio midterm which I crammed for and a bio lab midterm. I wish I was done but I have my second organic chemistry midterm tomorrow morning and I have not finished the reading and currently know nothing. I wanted to skip my psych class but apparently the professor is going to review materials because next Tuesday I have my second psych midterm. I think I am still going to skip. I need to do really well on this test. At least pass. I think that ochem is actually really interesting. It is so abstract and twisty and complicated. We take it at face value that all the elements exist. I wish I could have met the genius who thought of the idea of all these "invisible" molecules flying around us. And then all the theories and laws. The class makes me feel like a dot, a tiny electron so to speak. I don't know if I wrote this previously but I am going to write it again. I am here, in college to learn the theories and ideas of those who came before me. And once I have all that information I can begin to build off of it and expand on them and that, my friends, is how progress is really made. You can't go forward until you already know everything that has been covered before. My stomach is tying itself up, perhaps in self-loathing-- I should have started studying sooner! And I probably shouldn't even be writing this! In other news I woke up this morning feeling like shit. My symptoms include: stuffy runny nose, swollen lymph nodes on my neck, fatigue, chills, achey joints, lack of energy, headache and sinus pain. If I could, I would sleep all day today in my warm bed and hide under the covers from my responsibilities. But I have to be a grown up. I can do this. I can pull another all nighter this week because I need to. Because it does matter in the long run and I need to push myself. I will have the three-day weekend to rest up for next week's battles. I feel like a fat cow. I am gaining weight and I do not like it and it is because of my poor diet and lack of exercise. Today I ate a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch for breakfast and washed down my pills with cranberry juice and made a strawberry smoothie for lunch. Dinner is going to be tricky. Because once I am on campus I prefer to stay on campus. At 3:30 I will leave and go to class and the class is done by five. At six I have an ochem review until 8:30. Then I want to study at the library until midnight. I don't want to buy something to eat for dinner because I have no money to spend on food and plenty at my house. I'm thinking I could get a cup of hot water (probably not too much money) and make some instant oatmeal. Then I'll also bring some walnuts and almonds to snack on. Plan. I want to eat healthier! I've only had three servings of fruits today and I need two more! I'll bring apricots and cherries to the library and munch on those too. And some type of pain killer for my throbbing head.

Today in my biology class the professor discussed HIV/AIDS as an example of microevolution. In ten years HIV will have evolved as much as humans did in 1 million years. The mutation rate is so high, which is why the virus is so difficult to treat! It is constantly lysing CDH4+ helper T cells, which tell the B cells and T cells to send in the troops and attack the invaders! He also discussed antibiotics and mentioned the MRSA (staff strand) that is resistant to virtually all antibiotics. Why? Because they are over prescribed. Each time we take the drug our body removes it in our pee and it mixes with other bacteria and despite clean water treatments, the mixing can lead to new hybrid strands. Are pathogens/parasites good? Most people would say of course not. However, I think they are important "checks" on population growth. The world is already packed. Of course life is great and yes, I want everyone to be able to experience all the wonders, adventures and loves of life. What if we did not vaccinate? There would be a steep decrease in population and many people would die and it would be tragic. It is tragic because I believe that each person has a gift to bring to world and has the right to experience all the flavors of life. The 2-3 billion people left would increase in number as time went on and viruses would have to adapt to them. The problem with HIV is that is adapts too fast to our immune system response and drug treatments. I don't know. I am confused on the issue.

Does time exist?

I want to write about the death penalty. I used to be pro-death penalty, but now I am against it. Not only does it cost just as much (usually more because of all the trials, lawyer fees, etc.) more than incarceration for life, but it is inhumane. It bothers me that all these "right wingers" are for it yet a lot of them are 'born again Christians." The dogmatic rhetoric, what would Jesus do? couldn't be more appropriate.

Matthew 18:21-23 (NIV)

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Although killing someone is inherently wrong, one is supposed to repent. And one is supposed to forgive others and oneself limitlessly. You can tie this in to the abortion issue as well. Many argue that is is morally wrong to take a life, but because someone took another's we must take there's as well? Jesus came to get rid of the whole eye for an eye thing. I just think it is really hypocritical. You can argue that they are not productive members of society but who says anyone has to be productive? We don't go around killing homeless people do we?

I need to write this somewhere:

2 of housemates I can't stand!! Why?

K- boring, dull, has no friends, no passions, plain, not very smart, no future plans, no confidence, ugly, quiet, uninterested in connecting with anyone besides her boyfriend, her only friend, she has mice and she never cleans up after them, she has never cleaned the bathroom, she supplied only six toilet paper rolls for the entire year and has not bought any cleaning supplies or kitchen supplies for the house, never sweeps, manipulated by boyfriend, I hate that she cooks for her bf while he plays video games... are we in the 50s? does not stand up for herself usually, unfriendly, cold, no outside of school activities, she likes to cook but the only thing she can cook is noodles, she eats like crap, never asks anyone about themselves, goes through the motions of what she is supposed to be doing without questioning anything, locks the bathroom door (I'm not going to come in ahah), gets dark hair everywhere, never cleans, has no style, no artistic sense, does not read for fun, appears that she is uninterested in school, older than me yet has no major, sheltered, only life problems are financial, no identity, empty, blank, submissive, weak character, never thinks for herself, no original thought, vocabulary of someone in junior high, ugly boyfriend who thinks he is really smart but he's not, shy, not comfortable in her own skin, poor student

J- lazy, lazy, lazy, never does dishes, leaves dishes in sink for days, expects other people to clean up after her, spoiled brat, definitely bi and needs to come out, negative, just watches tv all day, inability to synthesize information well, poor analytical skills, poor social skills, possible drug habit, messy, dirty, eats crap, virtually no outside activities besides work and an intramural sport, is nice sometimes and hostile others, bipolar, bitchy, "are those your dishes?" (me) "what are you going to give me a lecture" (her), attitude problem, superiority complex, insecure, depressed, recluse, timid, has done nothing with guys/drugs/etc., innocent, weak, overall very negative energy, life-sucking, dark, dreary, prude, inconsiderate, no compassion, no interest in other's lives, lives in her own bubble, does not question things, uses tv to escape from people, scared of making any connections, almost no friends, slow to get anything done, procrastinates, judgmental, rude, mean, snarly, messed up, dying animal, selfish, obnoxious, has not done any housework and refuses to, unable to read people correctly, no depth, boring, average, generally obnoxious, lack of drive, motivation

God, it was good to get that out there. Hahaha K is here and she just went into the bathroom and locked the door. Who's going to come in? I really don't understand. Is she that uncomfortable with her body? It's sad.

Here is my plan for me: take a quick 20 minute nap, grab snacks, go to library then class, then review, then library, then home. Breathe.

When I wake up, and just during the day, I talk to my cells, and encourage them to do great things.