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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Introducing Team "Whack-A-Troll"

Good morning! Thank each and every one of you for the wonderful words of support yesterday! I honestly cannot even tell you what it meant. (*hugs* all around!)
On my way home from the Docs yesterday, another awesome woman named Patricia was texting me…it seems we’re kinda living parallel lives right now, right down to the canes. The biggest differences being she has Lupus and a pink cane.

Somehow we got on the topic of shopping with canes. We agreed that most people in grocery stores fall into two categories…the Trolls and the Over Achievers.

The Trolls are the “WONDERFUL” folks who see you coming with a cane, stare right at the cane (so you KNOW they see the darned thing), then proceed to look you dead in your shiz-nitand keep coming directly at you without giving an inch!

You see, something we users of canes have kept a closely guarded secret is that we can bend space and time. That’s right peoples! So you’re intent on claiming the center of the aisle as your own, leaving me six inches to squeeze through on either side of your inconsiderate arse? No problem! I’ll just bend a little space-time fabric and rematerialize on the other side of you! Easy-peasy.

Then there are the Over Achievers. They see a cane-er coming their way and immediately flatten up against the shelves, quickly using their foot to sweep any random imagined debris out of your way. (Just for the record, the looks of pity are a bit off-putting. Just sayin’.) Oh, and thank you for the offer to fetch me the can of soup off the shelf…which happens to be at eye level and weights approximately 12 ozs. I’m sure I couldn’t have managed without it! You definitely earned your Boy Scout points for the day! (Sarcasm? NEVER!)

Patricia and I ended up laughing over imagined games of Whack-A-Mole which eventually devolved into Whack-A-Troll…(It’s called sick humor folks. It’s totally therapeutic.) (Or at least it should be!)

Me and Patricia, 2012 Team "Whack-A-Troll"
Pink and purple coming through. Better move or you'll be black and blue!
(I do so love "sick" humor!)

So what I propose is this, the next go-round with the Olympics? We have a new Exhibition Sporting Event, the official “Whack-A-Troll” event where a two person team has a list of items they must procure from the local, overcrowded grocery store on a Big Sale day. Said store will be filled to the gills with inconsiderate, non-way-giving Trolls blocking the path to the chocolate and ice cream. (And probably some other supposed essential items as well.)

The goal is to get everything on your list as quickly as possible without tripping or getting separated. Extra points will be given for number of Trolls “whacked” with your canes. There will even be different values awarded for say shins, knees, heads, bumm, and the rapping of knuckles as the Trolls reach for the last item on the shelf.

Yep, Patricia and I already have our Team Motto, “Pink and purple coming through. Better move or you’ll be black and blue!”

Too much for a Tuesday morning? Pfft! If it is, I’ll just blame it on the meds. *grin*

Chris Dean

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