White Girl Entering a Filipino World

Im pregnant (well obviously im on here), and my boyfriend is from the Philippines(Cebu City). I have met lots of Canadian women who have married into Filipino families but I never have asked how they adjust and how it works for them. I love my boyfriend very much and I love his family, they are very welcoming and accepting. Of course we have cultural differences like food for example(i have never seen so much fried but delicious food packed with sodium), language barriers because he doesnt not always understand Canadian slang or expressions, family structure(my parents are divorced, his are married and they are very much a collective family). So far things are going great but I know there may be challenges raising our daughter in the future, like how fluent she will be in Cebuano because i am learning and cant teach her like her dad will be able to. How have other people adjusted to raising a multicultural family? Especially with regards to teaching their children the partners language? Im just curious to know how other mothers fit into another cultures family and lifestyle that works for the mother and father. I know my boyfriend and I are so far working things out but I cant live on spring rolls, pork and other greasily fried foods and he wont eat anything Canadian I cook unless its deep fried and i worry about his health. Anywho, just wondering how other women do it :)

Im pregnant (well obviously im on here), and my boyfriend is from the Philippines(Cebu City). I have met lots of Canadian women who have married into Filipino families but I never have asked how they adjust and how it works for them. I love my boyfriend very much and I love his family, they are very welcoming and accepting. Of course we have cultural differences like food for example(i have never seen so much fried but delicious food packed with sodium), language barriers because he doesnt not always understand Canadian slang or expressions, family structure(my parents are divorced, his are married and they are very much a collective family). So far things are going great but I know there may be challenges raising our daughter in the future, like how fluent she will be in Cebuano because i am learning and cant teach her like her dad will be able to. How have other people adjusted to raising a multicultural family? Especially with regards to teaching their children the partners language? Im just curious to know how other mothers fit into another cultures family and lifestyle that works for the mother and father. I know my boyfriend and I are so far working things out but I cant live on spring rolls, pork and other greasily fried foods and he wont eat anything Canadian I cook unless its deep fried and i worry about his health. Anywho, just wondering how other women do it :)

It will help your LO adjust better to being bilingual if one of you speaks English 100% of the time and the other his language or dialect. I was told it prevents confusion and possible speech delay common to families with two or more languages spoken at home. It's nice of you to make an effort to learn his native language and perhaps all the unhealthy foods can be more of a treat for him rather than part of his regular diet.

It will help your LO adjust better to being bilingual if one of you speaks English 100% of the time and the other his language or dialect. I was told it prevents confusion and possible speech delay common to families with two or more languages spoken at home. It's nice of you to make an effort to learn his native language and perhaps all the unhealthy foods can be more of a treat for him rather than part of his regular diet.

I am a white American but my husband is Filipino so I know how you feel. I feel bad when his family cooks Filipino food and I don't eat all of what they cook because I am a very picky eater. But he understands its not what I'm use to and doesn't hassle me about it. His family is amazing and has been so wonderful to me from the very beginning and I am so thankful for that. I agree with PP about the language thing. They speak Tagalog around my son and I actually stayed with them while my husband was deployed last time and being around that other language as much as he was resulted in a huge speech delay and his speech therapist said that it was language confusion. So it's better for your LO to learn English first. Good luck and welcome to the white/Filipino family. :0) take care.

I am a white American but my husband is Filipino so I know how you feel. I feel bad when his family cooks Filipino food and I don't eat all of what they cook because I am a very picky eater. But he understands its not what I'm use to and doesn't hassle me about it. His family is amazing and has been so wonderful to me from the very beginning and I am so thankful for that. I agree with PP about the language thing. They speak Tagalog around my son and I actually stayed with them while my husband was deployed last time and being around that other language as much as he was resulted in a huge speech delay and his speech therapist said that it was language confusion. So it's better for your LO to learn English first. Good luck and welcome to the white/Filipino family. :0) take care.

Both my kids learned 2 languages at the same time , with no delay or anything like that ,and now are going to French school, 3rd language ! No problem what se ever ! Kids are very smart and learn so quick . My 3rd, 8months old, is going through the same thing . :)GL

Both my kids learned 2 languages at the same time , with no delay or anything like that ,and now are going to French school, 3rd language ! No problem what se ever ! Kids are very smart and learn so quick . My 3rd, 8months old, is going through the same thing . :)GL

You could be in for a rocky ride for a while. My experience is that they often will not take your food preferences into account, and the men tend to cater to their moms before the spouse. GL I hope things go better for you!

You could be in for a rocky ride for a while. My experience is that they often will not take your food preferences into account, and the men tend to cater to their moms before the spouse. GL I hope things go better for you!

I agree with each of you speaking their own dialect. I was raised with my mother and father speaking English, my mom's parents Tagalog and my other grandma Spanish. No delays in speech and I fluently speak all three languages and two other Filipino dialects.

I agree with each of you speaking their own dialect. I was raised with my mother and father speaking English, my mom's parents Tagalog and my other grandma Spanish. No delays in speech and I fluently speak all three languages and two other Filipino dialects.

That's interesting because my mom's family is Filipino and most of the food is all vegetables and rarely fried food unless it's fried fish or party food. I would ask if they have any other Filipino dishes that aren't fried and if they can make that. And if you are at home, make the food that you know how to cook. If he's hungry, he'll eat it. Mention to him that you try his family's food so to at least try your food. And the language shouldn't be a problem. When I was younger I lived with my grand parents and great grand parents who only spoke a Filipino dialect. My parents spoke to me in English, my mom would teach me basic Filipino words like the body parts, numbers, greetings. I spoke in English but could understand Ilocano. Once I moved away from them at the age of 3 I completely forgot how to understand it so I think it would be a big mistake to just try and teach your child English first just because if convenience. Kids eventually catch on to what words to use. In the beginning they make speak a mixture of two. And as far as the men catering to their mom first and not their wife, that's BS. They're very family oriented all around, and do look to taking care of their parents when they're older just as most Asian families are, but it's not a matter of his mom comes first.

That's interesting because my mom's family is Filipino and most of the food is all vegetables and rarely fried food unless it's fried fish or party food. I would ask if they have any other Filipino dishes that aren't fried and if they can make that. And if you are at home, make the food that you know how to cook. If he's hungry, he'll eat it. Mention to him that you try his family's food so to at least try your food. And the language shouldn't be a problem. When I was younger I lived with my grand parents and great grand parents who only spoke a Filipino dialect. My parents spoke to me in English, my mom would teach me basic Filipino words like the body parts, numbers, greetings. I spoke in English but could understand Ilocano. Once I moved away from them at the age of 3 I completely forgot how to understand it so I think it would be a big mistake to just try and teach your child English first just because if convenience. Kids eventually catch on to what words to use. In the beginning they make speak a mixture of two. And as far as the men catering to their mom first and not their wife, that's BS. They're very family oriented all around, and do look to taking care of their parents when they're older just as most Asian families are, but it's not a matter of his mom comes first.

My husband is also from Cebu. It took a long time for him to integrate me into his world. He wanted to do it slowly since his immediate family is still in the Philippines. I'm lucky that they have been nothing but wonderful and accepting to me. I don't cook his type of food, & I agree that if a man is hungry he will eat. When we go to Filipino parties, that's when he gets his fill of his type of food. I also don't like all the fried food & fish but can usually find one dish that ok, & I eat that. As for the language issue, I can't give any advice because my husband, for some reason, does not speak his language to our son. Good Luck!

My husband is also from Cebu. It took a long time for him to integrate me into his world. He wanted to do it slowly since his immediate family is still in the Philippines. I'm lucky that they have been nothing but wonderful and accepting to me. I don't cook his type of food, & I agree that if a man is hungry he will eat. When we go to Filipino parties, that's when he gets his fill of his type of food. I also don't like all the fried food & fish but can usually find one dish that ok, & I eat that. As for the language issue, I can't give any advice because my husband, for some reason, does not speak his language to our son. Good Luck!

I understand where your coming from. I'm 32 weeks and living with him and his family. I'm used to a very small family while his family is Filipino and Mexican, which only means it's a huge size and cultural difference. It's very hard to accept their lifestyle. I'm a picky eater as well. When they make something like adobo I'll try to make something similar but more my style for myself. They are understanding about that. When it comes to languages, we are sticking with only English because Tagalog is very rarely used around the house. If your baby is exposed to multiple languages constantly there's no doubt that it will be picked up. I do suggest introducing your little one to some of the Filipino foods but don't take your Canadian foods off the menu. I'm sure if you make a Canadian dish and introduce it to the family they won't turn it down, they usually have open minds and will at least try it.

I understand where your coming from. I'm 32 weeks and living with him and his family. I'm used to a very small family while his family is Filipino and Mexican, which only means it's a huge size and cultural difference. It's very hard to accept their lifestyle. I'm a picky eater as well. When they make something like adobo I'll try to make something similar but more my style for myself. They are understanding about that. When it comes to languages, we are sticking with only English because Tagalog is very rarely used around the house. If your baby is exposed to multiple languages constantly there's no doubt that it will be picked up. I do suggest introducing your little one to some of the Filipino foods but don't take your Canadian foods off the menu. I'm sure if you make a Canadian dish and introduce it to the family they won't turn it down, they usually have open minds and will at least try it.

My baby's daddy is Filipino, but he was raised more American. I'm finding it actually very difficult to get to know his family because his parents are both against him dating a white girl. His mom was actually trying to get him to leave me at first. She even went so far as to ask him to get a background check on me. She's only become accepting of the relationship now that I'm pregnant, but she was very upset that we got pregnant before marriage since she's convinced her relatives will talk badly about her because of it.

She's all up in his life, though. I don't like it at all. He's 24 years old and she's got access to his bank account and calls him every time he runs a little low on money to nag him about his spending. It's so annoying! Plus, he tends to not listen to me about important things that we as a couple should decide (how to prepare for baby, for example). He'll wait until his mom tells him to do exactly what I've asked a hundred times before. He seems to always listen to her instead of me.

I'm not sure if that's how all Filipino sons are, but I know mine is definitely like this and I'm not sure how to cope. I don't want his mom running our lives though!

My baby's daddy is Filipino, but he was raised more American. I'm finding it actually very difficult to get to know his family because his parents are both against him dating a white girl. His mom was actually trying to get him to leave me at first. She even went so far as to ask him to get a background check on me. She's only become accepting of the relationship now that I'm pregnant, but she was very upset that we got pregnant before marriage since she's convinced her relatives will talk badly about her because of it.

She's all up in his life, though. I don't like it at all. He's 24 years old and she's got access to his bank account and calls him every time he runs a little low on money to nag him about his spending. It's so annoying! Plus, he tends to not listen to me about important things that we as a couple should decide (how to prepare for baby, for example). He'll wait until his mom tells him to do exactly what I've asked a hundred times before. He seems to always listen to her instead of me.

I'm not sure if that's how all Filipino sons are, but I know mine is definitely like this and I'm not sure how to cope. I don't want his mom running our lives though!

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