How to Keep Freelance Blogging When You’re Mentally Ill

“I’ve really got to get on with writing this post. And pitch an idea to that interesting blog I found, too.

But… I don’t know… maybe I’m not good enough for them. Maybe I should go back to bed and leave the writing until I feel more inspired. Meh.

Wait, did I put a fork in the spoon compartment this morning? I better go check… OK, no fork. Back to work!

Muhahaha, this post is brilliant! I’m a genius. No, I’m an idiot. This is the worst thing I ever wrote. Delete, delete, delete. There isn’t enough delete to undo my stupidity. I suck. My clients will hate me and I’ll lose this gig.

If I can’t pull this off then I’ll never make it as a freelance blogger, and then I won’t be able to pay the rent and I’ll wind up homeless and oh god I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe and I think I might die right here face down on my keyboard and my cat will eat my corpse and nobody will notice because everybody hates me anyway and… wait, did I check the spoon compartment carefully enough?”

Does this sound familiar to you?

Sure, these could be the thoughts of almost any freelance blogger under pressure. But if your thoughts run like this a lot of the time, then it’s also possible you’re a freelance blogger with a mental health problem.

Freelance blogging isn’t easy. Having a mental illness isn’t easy. And trying to be a freelance blogger with a mental illness really isn’t easy. Take it from someone who knows.

That’s right, all three of us are mentally ill. And all three of us are successful freelance bloggers.

Sophie and Kelly are both Bipolar while I have OCD, Major Depression, General Anxiety, and mild PTSD. And while we’ve all been very open about our mental states online, we wanted to take it a step further for BAFB’s readers – because we know that you may be struggling with similar issues. And we want you to know that your mental illness does not have to stand in the way of your success.

Take a look at what each of us has to say from our personal experiences, jot down the BAFB Blogger Takeaways for future reference, and feel free to leave your best mental health tricks in the comments section to help others in need!

Who or what was the most helpful to you on your worst “mental health” days?

Sophie’s answer:

“I’ve had medications that were helpful – including fluoxetine and noradrenaline, in case anyone’s curious – but on my worst days, even medicated, it still felt like nothing could help or ever would again. My coping strategy on those days involved a lot of duvet time with a side of staring blankly at the wall.

Aside from medication, the other thing that helped me was visiting online forums for people experiencing depression, anxiety and other mental health problems. (I didn’t look for any “mania forums”, though – I doubt that talking to lots of manic people would be at all therapeutic for me!) Reading other people’s experiences and seeing how they managed mental illness brought me relief that I wasn’t alone, as well as some helpful tactics for coping with my own illness.

My mother was my biggest help. She rarely got involved, because I hardly ever asked her to. But I always knew she was there if I needed her, and that she wouldn’t ignore me if I asked for help. She came to visit me when I couldn’t stand to be on my own, and she cared about me no matter what. That knowledge alone made me feel a lot better – even if I didn’t use her help as often as I probably should have, I felt I had a last resort that would never let me down. [Thanks, Mum. You’re amazing.]”

Kelly’s answer:

“Apart from a strong support network and doctors you trust (which are SO important), the biggest in-the-trenches help to me has been the motto ‘you are not your thoughts and feelings.’ Mental illness is so damaging because it’s not like other health conditions. When you have a heart problem or a broken leg or a migraine and you’re having an off day or you need to take it easy, no one blames you. You don’t blame yourself or feel like you’re lazy or less-than. It’s something that is happening to your body, and you don’t self-identify with it.

Mental illness is tricky because we’re used to believing our thoughts and feelings represent who we are at the core. If we’re feeling depressed, it must be because we’re dwelling too much on things or we’re not looking on the bright side or we’re simply too weak to deal with things the way everyone else does. If we’re having a panic attack, it’s because we’re being melodramatic and blowing things way out of proportion.

But mental illness is a result of a chemical imbalance in your brain. It takes your thoughts and feelings and warps them to play tricks on you. When I’m going through a really dark or hard period, reminding myself that my awful thoughts and feelings aren’t really ME, but are symptoms of my illness, helps me to get through them. It doesn’t make them go away, but it helps me stop beating myself up over them or seeing them as the be-all, end-all. It lets me ride them out the way you’d ride out a really bad headache that’s not responding to medication, trusting that tomorrow things will be better and this too shall pass.”

Lauren’s answer:

“Medication and therapy have done wonders for me; however, you can’t always call your therapist when you’re having a ‘freak out’ moment. Sometimes you’ve got to take care of yourself. Scratch ‘sometimes’ – most of the time you’re going to have to take care of yourself.

Friends are, of course, my main helpers when I’m feeling off-kilter. But I also have a journal filled with positive thoughts that I flip through when I’m having negative obsessions or I’m feeling particularly filled with self-loathing. Traditionally these statements are written on index cards – called coping cards – but I can never keep track of index cards so I wrote them all down in a journal.

I also have bubbles, Play-doh, and dolls. I feel a little silly sometimes, as a grown woman, playing with Play-doh when I’m stressed out, but it helps. As does taking a moment to brush a doll’s hair, or to blow a few bubbles. It’s especially helpful for those times when I feel like self-mutilating: Instead of cutting myself, I now ‘cut’ a piece of Play-doh.”

BAFB blogger takeaways:

Having a good support system is essential.

Restructure your negative thoughts into positive ones. Write them down if you need to!

Don’t be afraid to try something silly if it’s going to help you feel better.

How did you let your clients know about your mental health issues — or did you?

Sophie’s answer:

“Most of the time, I didn’t. I don’t see a need to keep my clients updated with info about my health, unless it affects my work. Plus I don’t like to feel that I’m making excuses, so whether I take a day off with a head cold or with depression makes no difference — it isn’t the client’s problem. I just try to work far enough in advance that a few days off won’t stop me meeting deadlines.”

Kelly’s answer:

“I don’t explicitly let my clients know about my bipolar disorder and depressive episodes. I’m extremely open about having BP on my blog and talk about it on other sites, so it’s ‘out there’ if anyone ever wants to dig deeper, and I’m not ashamed of it. But there’s still a certain stigma over it, and when I worked a 9-to-5 I was hesitant to let anyone know why I was really taking sick days because I was afraid that a) they’d think I should just be able to ‘get over it’ or b) they’d start to treat me with kid gloves, like I was volatile and couldn’t handle stress on an everyday basis.

One of the great things about being a freelancer is that you have much more freedom to handle your life and everything that comes with your life as you see fit. I don’t have to count the number of sick days I have left or give doctor’s notes to a boss or HR department to justify precisely why I had to take some time off; all my clients care about is that I deliver my projects on time and at the level of quality they’ve come to expect.

If a bad episode is making that difficult for me to do, I let them know as soon as possible that I’m dealing with ‘health issues’ and work with them to find a solution — letting them know the soonest I can get them the work, turning over what I’ve done so far for a partial payment, etc.

Maybe someday I’ll feel comfortable going into more detail; maybe I won’t. And if they ever asked outright what was wrong, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them. But as long as there’s no need to go into the details, right now I don’t feel like it’s necessary.”

Lauren’s answer:

“In late 2014, I was put in a mental institution after a suicide attempt. It meant that I missed a few weeks of work out of nowhere. So I figured I had some explaining to do…

For most of my clients, I told them I was in the hospital dealing with a ‘health issue;’ however, for clients I was close with, like Sophie, I was more specific. And I was happy I was because it turned out some of my clients, like Sophie, also deal with mental health issues and were able to help me with my journey toward better mental stability.

I also had to take some unexpected time off when I was first getting used to my medications. I had never been medicated before (I was previously a half-a-dose-of-Tylenol type of girl – a totally non-medicated individual) and it was an extreme transition for me. So, when that happened, I made the same judgement call: I told the bare minimum to most and offered more details to those I thought could help.”

BAFB blogger takeaways:

Your clients don’t have to know anything you don’t want them to know. Your mental health is your business.

Don’t be afraid to share your issues with clients you’ve known for a long time/are very close with. They’re human beings too, and might be able to help.

How do you arrange your schedule?

Sophie’s answer:

“It’s all in Google Calendar with colour coding to help me see what’s what, and I aim for 3 days of freelance work per week (unless I’ve agreed in advance to commit more time to a specific project). And I reserve plenty of time for family, vacations, and my reading list!”

Kelly’s answer:

“I’m a big fan of energy management — knowing how your energy levels rise and fall throughout the day and working with that. I’m the most alert and creative first thing in the morning, for instance, so that’s when I tackle my most challenging projects. I know that if I leave them until the afternoon, they’ll be twice as hard to write and the results won’t be as strong.

I also have to remind myself constantly to take care of myself. I’m a workaholic (I think most freelancers are), and I feel guilty whenever I take some ‘me time’ to read, relax or simply do nothing in particular. But you can’t do a creative job if you’re well is dry, and if you suffer from mental illness, you’re even more likely to burn out if things get too stressful. I try to tell myself ‘the project of me’ is just as valid and important as any client project I take on and that I need to give it the same priority level. It sounds cheesy, but it puts things in terms my to-do-list-loving brain can accept. :)”

Lauren’s answer:

“Like Kelly, I try to work with my energy levels. Unlike Kelly, that means I’m usually working at night. For me, my energy levels start getting good around the early evening and stay strong throughout the night. My medications leave me a bit hazy in the mornings.

Speaking of my meds: For whatever reason, my medications have made my menstrual cycles an absolute nightmare. So I’m now out of commission for about five days per month, every month. It sucks, but I’ve learned to plan my projects around my period now. I don’t set any deadlines or take on any mentoring clients for the week ‘Aunt Flo’ will be visiting.

Oh, and I always take two days off per week. Mandatory. In 2014, I went for several months without a single day off, hit burnout, and tried to keep going… I ended up slitting my wrist. Don’t be me. Take at least one day a week off.”

BAFB blogger takeaways:

Use the tools that are available – online and off – to make project management easy (and color-coded!).

Know your body and schedule your work around your natural rhythms.

Take days off. Seriously.

What’s your best productivity tip (for freelance bloggers)?

Sophie’s answer:

“Plan before you write. A plan that exists only in your mind doesn’t count — write it down somewhere. Even if it’s only a few bullet points, a plan makes it much easier to get the work done without wasting time.”

Kelly’s answer:

“Don’t try to take on too much. You’re not an assembly line worker in a widget factory who can install the same number of widgets whether you’re bright-eyed and bushy-tailed or whether you feel like crap. Your health, energy level and mood all play into how well you’re able to produce your ‘product.’ Allow yourself some wiggle room with project deadlines so you have the time you need to do your best work. Focus on projects that give you the highest ROI for your effort. Look for work that rewards you personally and monetarily. And give yourself plenty of opportunities to feed your creativity rather than constantly spending it outwards, outwards, outwards.”

Lauren’s answer:

“If you’ve been given medication: Take it. It helps! I would spend so much time obsessing over stupid stuff – or sitting around feeling nothing at all – that I would barely get anything done. Now, with medication, even on my bad days, I feel ‘okay’ enough to keep working.

It’s also vital to keep a positive attitude. As freelance bloggers, we have one of – if not the – best jobs on the planet, and it’s important to remind ourselves of that every chance we get. Personally, I have it written on my wall in front of my writing desk!

Also, like Sophie said: Write down a plan. You’re going to thank your Past Self for writing it down when your Future Self is freaking out or feeling ‘meh’ about work. Maybe it’s the OCD, but I’ll sometimes write out blogging plans months in advance!”

BAFB blogger takeaways:

Write down a plan and stick to it, even when you’re feeling crummy.

Don’t take on more than you can handle.

Schedule in plenty of time between deadlines.

Take on projects that feed your creativity as well as your wallet.

Stay positive: You have one of the most awesome jobs in existence!

Final thoughts

Every individual’s struggles with mental illness are different. However, we here at BAFB all have one thing in common: Freelance blogging. And a lot of the struggles freelance bloggers go through are the same – whether it’s fears about pitching, feeling lost on where to find clients, or learning new techniques to up your blogging game.

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About Lauren Tharp

Lauren Tharp is a multiple award-winning freelance writer and the former Managing Editor of Be a Freelance Blogger. Find out more about her at LittleZotz Writing.

Comments

Posts like these definitely help. 🙂 I’m still not out in the open completely (apart from blog comments, which Lauren knows:D). I don’t really talk to my clients or publications about my health unless the piece is directly related to it. So when I was pitching a piece for Women on Writing about the psychology of writing, I included my own situation. It isn’t the only thing that earned me the assignment of course, but it did show I knew what I was talking about.

If I’m pitching a fictional story with a depressed character, and someone claims the character’s actions/reactions aren’t realistic enough, I do feel the need to provide them with my own perspective. : )

Working usually helps. I often get depressed if I have another health problem (like a severe cold) that’s preventing me from working or living fully. Other than that, I’m used to it by now. I was diagnosed at 21. I just try to eliminate/avoid causes that frustrate me and keep on writing & pitching on.

You keep doing you, Pinar! 🙂 And I’m still envious that you were diagnosed so young — I feel like I wasted SO much time wallowing in my mental illnesses when I could have been feeling “okay” if I’d only gotten help sooner.

I was first diagnosed with depression in 1968, I was 10 and no medications were available except for Thorazine which I tried but was pulled off of by my mother due to side-effects. Today my diagnosis is Complex PTSD. Some days I can barely function. I have to plan carefully just in case. I often make “forts” with blankets and chairs for days I just need to feel safe and play with crayons when I need to de-stress. I also find a good book helps. Medications are invaluable if you are told you need them, try them for a month and see if they don’t help. Mine do.

I ‘stumbled’ across this site but as is said, everything happens for a reason. I have multiple issues including major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, mood disorder for which I take an antipsychotic each night, amongst other issues all compounded recently by the death of my son last August. My son also had mental health disorders. I feel connected here now and am enjoying what I have read so far. Family and friends have been my rock throughout my hospitalisations and more recently in the coping with my son’s death. I also rely heavily on medication. It is so true that we are hard on ourselves regarding our ‘off’ days and yes, if we had a heart condition we would naturally be encouraged to ‘take it easy’ but we are not so kind to ourselves when we need to take it easy when we have an exacerbation of our mental illnesses. Kindness and compassion to ourselves and others are what I believe to be the mainstays of treatment. Thank you for bringing awareness and understanding to mental health and mental illness. I am so happy that I found this website. I will be checking in more often now.

Honest, forthright, fab writing- all the ingredients of great freelance blogging and why clients want you to write for them!
I would add
“Get outside”
to the list of suggestions on how to cope with “meh” days…often when I want to throw my laptop out the window and hide under my duvet forever, a brisk walk outside- whatever the weather helps no end.
I am lucky to live in a very beautiful town and the architecture takes my breath away- somehow stuff doesn’t seem so bad when you are looking at beautiful buildings or stunning nature.

Freelancing can be lonely- so having a network of support is crucial but when there seems nobody to turn to I hug my cats and play very loud music…and give myself permission to take a break.

Huge respect to you all – Lauren, Sophie, Kelly- I am honoured to know you

I discovered my AD(H)D-ish-ness about 5 years ago, and since then I’ve been collecting and learning to use all kinds of “new tools” to work with the ‘way my brain works’.
Thank you Lauren, Kelly and Sophie, for being ‘out loud’ about your challenges here – and on your blogs – “I’m not alone, and I’m not broken” really helps!

Thanks so much Sophie, Lauren and Kelly, for sharing your experiences. This is a subject that needs to be discussed openly, more often. I know how hard it is to work sometimes when concentration is not co-operating. I’ve found rambling helps (taking long walks, e.g. hill walking). Nature is a great healer.

I’m lucky in that now I am able to create my own schedule. Freelancing and working for yourself, is attractive to those who find the confines of conventional work too much. It’s great to have such positive examples as the three of you.

This is just the post I needed to read! I have always struggled with anxiety and recently was diagnosed with BP II during grief therapy, my mom recently passed from cancer. She was BP I, prone to severe manias and I have seen some pretty scary stuff, so lately I have been dealing with fears that I will lose my mind.

Hearing people speak that are coping well with mental illness is very therapeutic to me, so thank you! After I was diagnosed with BP one of the first things I did was go to Cordelia Calls it Quits and read some of Kelly’s old posts. I have been meaning to email her about that! I also looked up “famous people with Bipolar,” (Jimi Hendrix anyone? lol)

I find it very helpful to track my menstrual cycle. I have been doing it for over 6 months (writing down the day of my cycle and how I feel each day, mentally and physically), and I have figured out that my moods flow with my hormone levels throughout my cycle. Right around the time of ovulation (when estrogen levels are high) I am very creative, have the most energy and mood (mild hypomania) and I also have trouble sleeping during that time. The week before my period and during, is when I have the highest anxiety and a more depressed mood. I have read a lot about hormone balancing and feel it helps regulate mood (stay tuned for a blog post on that!) I use a site called “Optimism Online” to track my moods/cycle, it’s great! Cycle tracking helps me plan my writing according my usual productivity level, and that way “productive me” can do some prep work (buying groceries, meal planning) for “unproductive me.”

To people who may be reading, you are so much more than your mental illness and you don’t have to let it run your life. So many brilliant minds have suffered through it and contributed amazing things to this world. Just keep moving and take care of yourself!

Hey, Ivy! It’s a little scary getting diagnosed, isn’t it? I bought a TON of books when I was first told what I had (and read them all cover-to-cover!). But, in the end, knowing makes it so much easier — we now know what’s “wrong” with us on our off days and can handle it better than we used to. Right? 🙂

This might be a better question for Sophie and Kelly since they’re the Bipolar ones, but I’ll write down my book list here anyway in case anyone’s interested/in need:

* The Everything Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by Ellen Bowers, PhD (A great overview of the basics!)* The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by Jon Hershfield, MFT and Tom Corboy, MFT (This is my absolute favorite! I’ve read it several times and it’s covered in post-its now…)* The OCD Workbook (Third Edition): Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Bruce M. Hyman, PhD and Cherry Pedrick, RN (Also a pretty good book)* The Anxiety & Worry Workbook by David A. Clark, PhD and Aaron T. Beck, MD (I got this one a little late — my anxiety was already getting under control thanks to meds + therapy — but I thought it was pretty good)* The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Depression by Kirk D. Strosahl, PhD and Patricia J. Robinson, PhD (This one didn’t help me as much, personally, but it wasn’t bad — I could see it helping someone who has “just” depression).* Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder for Dummies by by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith (The books I mentioned above on OCD are better, but this one is a good one to give friends/family who want to learn more).Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D. (This one is a bit specific, but if you’re in need of it, it’s a good one).Get It Done When You’re Depressed by Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston (Nice little productivity book. Easy read!)

I also got a deck of tarot cards and some books on how to do tarot readings (I recommend The Ultimate Guide to Tarot by Liz Dean). A friend of mine said that doing tarot readings on herself helped her calm down and gain insight, so I thought I’d give it a try. It’s basically like meditation — but not boring. It’s a lot of fun!

What a great reading you have there! Some of my fave cards (that come up a lot in my own readings), particularly the 2 of wands and the position it’s in…perfect for you, contemplating your potential for greatness.

I have always been intrigued by the 7 of cups as well. So many choices, so many dreams and nightmares.

I love that you got The Sun in the end, what a warm and healing card for the final outcome!

I don’t have any mental health issues luckily, although for many years (more than a decade since the age of 21) I did suffer from depression which impacted on my mood and personality quite a lot. Did result in some problems at work and interpersonal relationships – as I became very short-tempered. I was on anti-depressants for years and it definitely did help. It also helped me sleep better as the depression often manifested in insomnia with me. Then all of a sudden one day, the depression cleared and I stopped the meds. Been fine ever since.

I have to agree with working with your energy levels. For me, it’s the monthly cycle. I have awful PMS and I have horrible lethargy at certain points of my cycle every month. PMS lethargy is different to other types of tiredness. I struggle to even open my eyes in the morning and feel like I’m wading through water. Not too mention the brain fog that accompanies it.

If there is work to, I push through and do it, but if there isn’t and I can afford to veg in front of the TV and nap… then that’s what I do. I’ve learnt to get in touch with my body’s signals – something I could never do during the 9-5 job. You can’t just take the day off for PMS or because you’re ‘tired’.

I’ve had periods of depression my whole life, so ‘luckily’ I know how to deal with it. But recently my daughter was diagnosed with several major disorders and we even though for awhile she had cancer, so I’ve never experienced anything like this crushing weight I feel now. For me, it’s important that I let my clients know what’s going on and to seek out help. I’m meeting with a therapist this Thursday… so desperately need it! Best wishes to you all!

Best of luck with the new therapist, Dyan!
Knowing you have someone to talk to IRL who’s “on your side” is one of the most valuable resources it’s possible to have.
<3 and "We believe in you" energy coming from all over the world, here!

Thanks for this post! I needed this! I was diagnosed with unipolar depressive disorder and ADHD, inattentive type, in 2006.

Staying focused on my writing tasks is a daily struggle for me. After writing a few sentences, I often find myself lying in bed or doing something else. Usually, it takes me more than three hours to write an easy 500-word article.

My depressive episodes affect my productivity. There are days when I feel like a lousy writer and I bawl my eyes out. I have a “jeering squad” inside my head. They tell me that nobody would read my stuff because I’m too damn boring, that my language is too stilted, etc.

I argue with these voices. Sometimes, I win. Sometimes, I lose. My only problem is, when depression strikes and my productivity is low, my family suffers because I’m the breadwinner.

I’ve often wondered how freelance writers with mental illnesses cope with their issues. It’s good to know that mental illness doesn’t have to be an obstacle to success. It’s true — we should never identify with our mental illnesses. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

I also relate to being the sole breadwinner. I support myself, my roommate, and our two cats. And it’s friggin’ HARD sometimes!! But when times get tough, we just have to remind ourselves that we’re TOUGHER and power through it. And, at least for me, knowing that other people/pets need me actually helps give me that extra nudge to keep going. Whenever I try to live/write JUST for me, I fall into “meh” mode and don’t get much done — for me, it’s a lot easier to care about other people than it is to care about/for myself. (I’m working on that…)

And I know we didn’t cover it in this article, but I actually know a few successful writers with ADD and ADHD. You’re not alone. 🙂

Thank you so very much to the three of you for sharing this reality. I am currently dealing with depression while I try to succeed and create momentum. It is tough. Really tough. But I keep at it because I know this is what I want. However, there are times in which I just feel like I can’t deal with everything.

It is also great to see three different perspectives and how each of you cope with your own problems, trying to do you best. I am sure you have had moments where you wanted to quit and though it wasn’t worth it. How did you handle that?

I don’t have many really bad days anymore, but I went through a really bad episode recently and I am struggling to keep things up. Guest-posting, improving the quality of my writing, keeping up my own blog… There are many things going on and I know I shouldn’t ask myself that much, but at the same time if I stop for too long most likely I will end up loosing momentum and, ugh. It’s all a mess right now.

Anyhow, really great article. Thank you very much for being honest. It is something great to read.

Well, I’m still learning good coping mechanisms, to be honest. I was a self-mutilator for most of my life (stopped as of August 4, 2014!) and I’ve been working hard to try and find something to replace what used to be my “go to” reaction to my toughest problems. It’s tough! I briefly mentioned in this post that sometimes I still WANT to cut, but that I now play with toys instead.

But I guess the main thing I do — whether I’m playing with toys when I do this or not — is step back, breathe, and take a quiet moment to tell myself “I’ve been through worse than this and survived. I can get through this too.”

I also ask myself things like:

* Is what I’m fearing start with “What if…?” (then it’s probably not a legitimate problem).
* Am I exaggerating the risks to avoid what I’m ultimately scared of?
* Just because this FEELS terrible, am I confusing facts with feelings? (I have a note on my wall that says “Reals Before Feels” to remind me not to do this).
* Am I seeking perfection? (Perfection doesn’t exist).
* Am I taking an inappropriate over-responsibility for stuff?
* Is this a familiar bad feeling? What did I do last time to solve this problem/feeling?

Thank you all for being so transparent and so helpful! I am in recovery- long time- recovery, have fibromyalgia as well as depression and anxiety. Did a hospital stint after major prescription med overdose years ago- before freelancing. I appreciate the encouragement of knowing that success is possible, even when dealing with mental health issues. You’ve helped me a lot this morning– more than I knew I needed! Thanks!

Hey, Chana! I get what you’re saying, but for as long as someone with any physical illness from a sniffle to a tumour still says “I’m sick”, I reserve the right to use the same words if I feel depressed. I know some people find it reassuring to reframe the situation using semantics… I’m just not one of those people! 😉

I believe that saying “I’m not bipolar, I just *have* bipolar disorder.” is an invitation to the world to underestimate the hugeness of the illness’ impact on the people who experience it. Instead, I’m all for acknowledging that it can be psychologically crippling – I feel lucky to have survived and grateful that the worst times seem to be far in the past for me.

~ As a “Semantics Are **So-o-o-o** Important!” person, I see Chana’s point.
~ As a person who has multiple challenges that most ‘other people’ don’t, I see Sophie’s point – to NOT invite ‘dismissing my challenges’! (Skipping the word “just” could also solve that).
~ From a purely practical POV, ‘changing the title in mid-stream (as-it-were)’ will Break a Lot of Links already in place, to this post.
In the interest of keeping this lively, vital conversation accessible, I vote with Sophie. 🙂
Thank you for boosting our awareness of the alternative language, Chana!
{{{Hugs}}}

I was working very little for months at a time this year, and one reason is that I finally got access to health insurance. It’s taken months, but I’ve been making appointments like mad catching up on all the health issues that I had been ignoring/living with out of necessity for years. I get down on myself all the time about how little I’ve accomplished this year, but I’m trying so hard to remember that taking time off to take care of yourself (especially when there’s a backlog of unaddressed health issues) is a legitimate use of a freelancer’s time.

First of all: THIS year has just barely started. You still have time to do SO much. 🙂 2015 may not have been as productive as you would have liked, but 2015 is done now.

And taking care of yourself is definitely important and NOT a reason to get down on yourself. It’s great that you took time for yourself — even if it meant not doing as much as you would have liked. Go, you!

That’s interesting. I never would have guessed. I have been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, but I have found the drugs they have me take wreak havoc with my concentration and attention span. If they help other people concentrate though, more power to ’em (the people.) And no, you shouldn’t go off without your doctor’s approval.

I prefer not to think of myself or other people as “mentally ill” because it says nothing about the content of our characters or our intelligence–though some ignorant people think it does. Also mentally ill is a highly subjective term.

At any rate, congratulations to you three for being brave enough to open up and share some of your experiences. Thank you for the great article!

Thanks for the reply, Lauren. The fact is I’m still on my meds. While they don’t help my concentration they do improve my mood swings. It’s a trade-off. Unfortunately psychiatrists agree that it’s easier to medicate mania away than depression. I’m no longer depressed though! 🙂

I honestly can’t express how much I needed this. I recently just finished up a contract with my favourite client ever(yes, ever) and I was devastated when they decided not to renew it. Trying to put myself back out there has been so exhausting and confidence-draining. Finding work I actually like is the ultimate challenge.

So glad we could help, Dianna! And I’m sorry that you lost your client and have to get back to the ol’ hustle. I always feel like I work way more when I don’t have work than when I do. Looking for work takes way more effort than actually doing the work, in my opinion. Good luck out there!

Wow, somehow I missed all your earlier online comments about your mental-health issues! (I understand that such are disproportionately represented among creative types, which include engineers and other technical innovators as well as writers and artists.)

Myself, I have mild Asperger’s syndrome (with which goes frequent obsession with “getting everything done yesterday and perfectly,” difficulty in planning without someone else to set project parameters and deadlines, and a certain bitterness over having been schooled before the days of compensating for mental disabilities and cracking down on bullying) and dysthymia (which came dangerously close to devolving into major depression twice in my life, both during major-transition periods). In some ways, having only a mild problem is more challenging than a severe one, because I seem close enough to “normal” that others (and sometimes I myself) find it natural to assume that I should be able to “just get over it.”

One thing that helps me is taking care of my physical health. Lack of rest, too much junk food, and days of stay-at-home sluggishness take their toll on the physical brain no less than the rest of the body, and it’s hard to make the best possible use of a chronically fatigued brain.

I also take antidepressant medication in the form of 20 mg Citalopram daily. On this point, I was blessed that a small dose of a single medication proved enough and that the prescriber got it right on the first try (he’s a GP and, like me, doesn’t believe in “drowning” health problems, especially mental ones, with extensive pill-popping). Hopefully I can discontinue even the current medication in a year or two. I started it in mid-2014 after suffering through a couple of months of the second “almost major depression” phase mentioned above; I was coping all right functionally on days when there was plenty of work to do, but almost every weekend I went around dragging a figurative ball and chain of feeling that the universe was one big black hole of amorality and hope was a cruel joke.

Actually, my tendency toward depressed feelings still creates its toughest battles on “leisure days,” which I now suspect is due to fatigue and letdown in the wake of a typical week’s work. I’ve been in the habit of trying to stuff in everything work-related that I possibly can in the name of I’ll-feel-good-about-myself-if-I-can-force-full-success-to-happen-quickly, which only leads to an increase in frustration and fatigue and ultimately hampers my efforts at forward thinking (which is still relatively new territory to me in itself). So I’m now experimenting with a new coping strategy: for Lent this year, I’m giving up working according to daily to-do lists and will be setting strict daily time parameters (about 20 hours a week total) for working from a larger list without (many) strict deadlines.

I credit my own mental-health struggles with giving me a passion for specializing in self-help posts for people with severe discouragement issues. I’ve written for PsychCentral.com, Menninger Clinic, and Kemah Palms Recovery.

Ladies: you don’t have to actually have your period. Doctors prescribe birth control like the Nuvo Ring. Normally, you insert it and keep it for 21 days and then take it out and have your period for 7 days. However, if you just leave it in for 30 days … no period. My Dr told me about this because the menstrual cycle can trigger migraines. They couldn’t do much for the migraines but they could get rid of the menstrual cycle. Weird but true. I hope it might help someone.

I’ve found that the options that stop my period completely mess me up even more than just dealing with it. :/ I do use birth control though. Without it, my periods were lasting about two weeks or more (my longest one lasted 32 days!). So now I have them under “control” at least timespan-wise.

I am very suspicious of birth control that stops periods. I feel that anything that interferes with mother nature can’t be good. I’d rather just suffer the lousy PMS crankiness, bloat, lethargy and general bleh-ness… than subject my body to something that messes my hormones around.

Years ago, I tried doing something similar with the contraceptive pill on my doctor’s suggestion because he thought my hormones might be causing my ups & downs… But nope, even when I went 6 weeks without bleeding, the emotional rollercoaster kept on trundling. Then when I stopped taking the pill for a one-week break, I turned into a sobbing, zit-covered wreck. Bah. Almost looking forward to the menopause! 😉

I have BiPolar D.O. and have started a blog, but I am not sure which way to take it. I have not been as active with it as I would like to be of late because I was involved in a very intense training in January with continued obligations up through the end of this week.

The holidays and the first week of January are always hard for me because my son, who was also Bipolar, committed suicide right before Christmas in 2008 and his birthday is January 7th, so needless to say, I deal with some heavy emotions even now.

I have been on medication and have been stable since 2008, with some minor depressive episodes. I want to become a freelance writer but have not figured out a way to break in. I had one blog, but then I switched to another one so I only have a few posts posted, but once my training schedule straightens out I plan to write more.

Thanks for all of your pointers and understanding what mental health issues are all about.

Your late son and I share the same birthday… And I’m sorry to read that my birthday “twin” is no longer with us. 🙁

As for your writing career, I’m sure you’ll figure out what you want to do soon enough. And once you figure that out, “breaking in” will be relatively easy. (It’s much harder to get started when you’re taking scattershots rather than targeted ones).

I was so encouraged by this post. Thank you so much Lauren & Sophie & Kelly!

I want to add, for Christians, that my church community has been such an incredible source of support. (Good churches welcome non-Christians and disillusioned Christians too!) I gave my friend a suicide scare, and she freaked out and it landed me both in a professional therapist’s office and the Pastor’s wife’s office. I had recently joined the church choir and so my choir leader started calling me regularly too, to check in. She is like my mummy now 🙂

They and several other older women pray for me and really just love on me, and they encouraged me to pray too. I started praying every night for about an hour in French, my third language, which turned out to be far easier than praying in English. It turns out I understand emotions best in French, having been through emotional abuse as a child. It really helps to get things out, because I’m a shy person and don’t talk much, but I also personally believe Jesus heard me and my sisters praying in earnest and healed me of my mental illness 🙂 🙂

I think what I hadn’t realised about mental illness was that I was empowered to fight it. Because it was in my brain, it was in my territory, and it didn’t belong there. It wasn’t easy at first but after being suicidal for twelve years, I don’t think about suicide anymore! It took a lot of asserting my authority over it, and telling it it had no place in my brain, and after pillaging my life since I was a kid, it was time for it to go. For Christians – reading up on God’s promises and God’s definition of who I am was indispensable for me. We are a temple of the Holy Spirit and have the mind of Christ – anything else (especially feelings of guilt) is an attack from the devil and Jesus’s blood has already won that battle. All I had to do was call on him to fight for me, because I couldn’t do it on my own.

These books (all but one are secular) have also been game-changers for me:
– What To Say When You Talk To Yourself by Dr Shad Helmstetter (about systematically repairing the negative thought spirals)
– The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller (eye-opening book on what we inherit from our parents, and what we need to do away with)
– Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr Henry Cloud (This one is Bible-based, but also includes tons of practical and real-life examples/situations for non-Christians. I highly recommend the audio book, he makes all these funny voices.)
– The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo (Messes are so much more psychology than I ever thought – it’s about cleaning up your inner life along with your room.)

and for PTSD:
– The Time Cure by Philip Zimbardo

There is such a huge need for these kinds of conversations and I’m so glad people are writing about it, not just here but in other publications too (@Katherine Swarts)! Thank you everyone for sharing 🙂 🙂

I was very frustrated when I was younger because I was told that if I had depression, it was because I wasn’t praying hard enough. >_< Thankfully, as an adult, I was able to make the call that God created certain people to be doctors so that they could help people like I am -- and He also created scientists who invented medications to help as well!
So, once I figured that out, I was a LOT less frustrated and it helped to restore my Faith quite a bit. Because before I was like, "Why isn't He helping me?!" and now I'm like, "Well, He was TRYING to help me -- I just wasn't taking advantage of the resources He put out there." Haha.

This may just be one of the most-commented posts on BAFB I’ve ever seen, and for good reason.

I knew about your situation, Lauren, and I’m so glad the other two ladies shared their stories, too! I deal with the occasional bout of depression myself, but I’m blessed enough that it’s not an ongoing issue or serious enough I’ve needed medication. In the past, I probably should have, as I was dealing with a specific kind of depression called seasonal affective disorder, but now that I live in Arizona and have more access to sunlight SAD is no longer an issue.

I’ve noticed for me depression can set in at any time for any reason, but it’s usually triggered by negative thoughts I let myself ruminate on. This made working my day job, which over time felt like it was destroying my creativity, like hell. It wasn’t until I went back to full-time freelancing, made more time for myself, and started indulging in creative outlets that I had less issues with depression overall.

Like you Bree, I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I treat it with a day lamp. I also have to watch out for negative thoughts or “stinking thinking” or all the antidepressants in the world won’t help me. I take antidepressants and I’m not knocking them; it’s just for me I have to watch my thoughts too and apply some CBT to myself. I love Feeling Good by David Burns M.D. Everyone with mild to moderate depression should try reading it and doing at least some of the exercises he prescribes.

I agree: Ruminating on negative things does make depression worse. It’s one of the reasons why treating my OCD really helped with my depression… I would (literally) obsess over things and then get depressed over them. And then I would obsess over my depression which would make me more depressed. It was a vicious cycle!

And I’m glad you have sunny Arizona to help you feel better. If you ever come out to sunny Southern California, we should hang out. 😀

Speaking of rumination, I wonder how much work time I’ve wasted trying to figure out precisely how much work I can get done in the time I have available. (Classic OCD/Aspergers–afraid to risk any mismatch between an official to-do list and what actually gets done.)

Thank you for this post. It is such a blessing, when you feel like you’re fighting yourself (or at least your thoughts), to know you are not the only one experiencing this, especially in a profession known for a certain level of isolation while at the same time putting yourself, and your ego, in front of people.

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for twenty years and am still learning how to identify my ‘triggers’. One is any time I get the feeling of ‘overwhelmed’. I refer to it that way because the sensation is familiar. It’s always the same thoughts…or at least they all lead to the same place. This usually signals the need for a mental break or an activity that gets me out of my head and into my body. Playing with the kids, hitting up my mom or oldest daughter for some social interaction, even Food Network shows and some time at my cutting board: they all help.

I also call it a day once in a while. Rest can sometimes reset my brain but the part I struggle with isn’t falling asleep, it’s that I beat myself up for napping. I’m still working on being sympathetic toward myself.

I’m a huge advocate of using exercise to ease depression and if anyone knows of a study on it I’d love to read it . I’ve done huge swings on the weight yo-yo and lost 85+ pounds repeatedly (cause I don’t learn anything the first time) but when I was running and pushing myself physically, my…what should we call them? Episodes? Down-times?…whatever they’re called, my symptoms rarely affected my mood.

For me, this post is important because it is a relief to know that it’s not just me. When I feel depression creeping around at the dark edges of my thoughts, it’s a familiar sensation. Like someone who’s had bronchitis and they know just how it ‘feels’ when they’re coming down with it. So thank you for writing this and to everyone sharing their strategies and support. I’m going to bookmark this so I can remind myself that it’s not just me.

Yep, Kristy, there’s a ton of solid research showing that exercise improves lots of anxiety, depression or obsession related disorders. Regular exercise often comes out more effective than antidepressant medication in trials! (Not so sure about exercise for mania, though, because it’d be stimulating the brain and body – when I struggled with mania, just going to a “relaxing” qigong session could tip me over the edge.)

I am thankful that you guys posted this. I had a psychiatrist tell me I would never work because I was mentally ill. (Actually they’re supposed to say “have a mental illness” instead.) I became severely depressed after Dr. R told me this, for some reason. I wound up in the psych ward 10 times over the next 3 years.
I have decided Dr. R was full of it. She’s not a prophet or psychic. I’m going to succeed in spite of her negativity and not believe in her nastiness any longer.
By the way, I had a couple job opportunities come up and Dr. R told me not to apply. She said I was too sick! Thank goodness my new psych doctor is a lot nicer.

Yeah, that is terrible! What a terrible doctor! They are supposed to help you, not push you deeper into the mud. You are totally right, I think this doctor is using her patients to boost her own ego. She sounds like she has issues herself. I’m so happy you’ve found a new doctor.
Back home we say that the best doctors are the ones that will not hesitate to tell you that nothing is wrong. There are too many scam doctors that convince you that there’s a million things wrong with you just so you keep going back to them and they keep getting the money. I would have done exactly what you did. Good on you!

I have been given ( NOT “suffered from” or “with”) many traits now categorized as: ADD, ‘gifted’, anxious/depressed, SAD, mildly autistic and ‘Highly Sensitive’ – all my life, but I’ve only recognized them in the past 5 years or so. Add in (or at the core?) – they’re all related to general thyroid mis-function.
None of them are formally diagnosed – and all of them have complicated my life in uncountable ways.
“Time”, “space” and “money” questions, doubts and crunches also regularly add to my feelings of “overwhelm”.
I’m learning more and more new ways to use this marvelous brain I’ve been given, to accomplish the things other people do in other ways.

Lauren’s list of questions to ask when you feel like sh*t has helped a lot, this week, and my friend Bill’s comment at Christmas: “Welcome all you fellow survivors!”
Remembering that we’ve all come through so much already, and grown tougher and more resilient, every pass around the spiral, and perhaps most important, *We are NOT alone!*

Tears are dripping down my face after reading this! Sophie, I especially relate to your mother’s support. Our 15 year old daughter is struggling with anxiety, depression and other emotional issues, all possibly due to hypersensitivity and unbalanced brain chemistry, all possible from being somewhere on the autism spectrum. I also am medicated for seasonal depression and ADHD.

While we wait over 6 months for an appointment with a specialist for a pinpointed diagnosis, I do everything I possibly can to comfort and encourage her. Being available to work whenever and where ever through freelance writing is the beacon of hope that keeps me sane and connected to my purpose. I’m still working outside the home for now, but have a target goal to be home my the end of May this year.

Thank you, ladies, for writing this post and sharing your struggles with living conquests with us!
You encourage me with your examples and leadership.

I love the fact that you encourage people to do what makes them happy- blow bubbles, play with dolls. And that point about cutting play-dough instead of yourself is AWESOME!

The way I always put it is- Life is an adventure. You have to live your adventure and make the most of it. When you watch an adventure movie, it’s not all good times and fun. There are heroes and villains. There is suspense and fearful moments. But in the end, it all turns out ok.

I feel if you enjoy something and it’s not illegal or unethical- DO IT. For me it’s writing, photography, and being at the beach. The last facet is the most important, so much so that I relocated so I can live where I gain the most peace. When I am stressed, I stop what I am doing and go and stare at the waves for a while and drool. Sometimes, I go down on the beach to see what treasures I can find.

Medication is a necessity sometimes, but we also have to take natural medications- the sea, the birds, the wind blowing through the trees. Whatever “therapies” we have available to us- we need to take advantage of or we sink.

I just found your amazing and informative blog site today so I know I’m about a month behind leaving a comment and I’m sure the odds of it being seen may be small but I feel compelled to leave my reply because next month maybe someone else finds your site & reads this post & all the comments here & its what saves their life..Anyways Ive been diagnosed by 3 doctors with bipolar general anxiety ocd adhd & ptsd..My crazy box came to me with adhd & ptsd inside when I was about 15 and by the time I was 22 years old my ocd bipolar and anxiety had found their way in the box so I spent the next 10 years trying to get fixed but after 10 years,7 psychiatrists and about 25 meds that never worked I wasnt feeling very lucky but I was determined to find a magical mental manager who could help me quiet my mind & I found the best psychologist who laid the truth on me & that was the day my life began again..I know alot of people never get help because theyre in denial or feel shame so they remain stuck..I don’t care how many crazy labels they wanna put on me…I own my crazy it does not own me nor does it define who I am..I define who I am…If you see this & your not getting help please don’t lose another day of your life…And never try to be “normal” just be “you”

I just wanna add that my joking about my crazy box is just my way of living with it all…Everyday I have to accept adapt & adjust myself around the chaos..I was just talkin my way…I did not intend or mean to offend or upset anyone & if I did I am so very sorry…kraziamez

I can’t speak for everyone, but I definitely wasn’t offended. It really does feel like my “crazy” came in a LootCrate of mixed up @#$%. Just a random box of mental illness. I totally get where you’re coming from, Amy. 😉

I’ve been suffering from a severe nausea problem that makes me want to crawl in bed and sleep all day. But, I’ve found that I can get through anything as long as I’m at my desk. I use my desk only for work. If I’m sitting there, I have the same sense of responsibility as I would if I had an office job. No matter how I feel, physically or mentally, just being “in the office” helps.

I’m sorry to hear about your nausea! :O I hope that you feel better soon.

I actually had a nausea problem back in 2010, and it turned out it was being caused by my terrible desk chair! Can you believe that? It was giving me severe Costochondritis to the point where I was throwing up because of it. But, after I got a better chair, it went away! So hopefully your work chair isn’t what’s causing the problem. O_o

But I feel you about only using your desk for work — I do the same thing! And it really helps me to keep my work and personal life separate. Especially since my work desk is in my bedroom — which COULD have been a problem, if I weren’t so strict about using it ONLY for work.

I don’t know why or how this post popped up in my feed many months later or how exactly I came here, but I’m glad I did. I am not alone. And, I’m so happy to hear how others deal with it. I think of these ailments as the price of creativity.

Sophie, Lauren, and Kelly, you gals are amazing! 😉 I love that y’all so openly wrote about mental illness. <3 If more people were honest about it, there would be less of a stigma.

I also suffer with it. I have generalized anxiety, depression, OCD, agoraphobia (the fear of open spaces), and Haphephobia (the fear of touching)–specifically individuals of the opposite gender. The last two always throw people for a loop. I never talk about my "health" issues unless it's affecting a project I'm working on. However, I did openly write about my issues once and readers condemned me…calling me psychotic women unable to keep a "real" job and tied to my mother's apron strings.

Of course, I take medication. (Why is it so hard to remember to take them?) And I tried online therapy, but I couldn't really get into it.

I also use the sunrise calendar app–that sends notification straight to my phone– to keep up with deadlines and interviews. But I really need to work on spacing out my deadlines and staying positive! <3

Very courageous of you three to share these struggles with mental health. All the more inspiring to see you blossoming into success! In my 20’s I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder (which had been an ongoing problem since childhood), and later struggled with Generalized Anxiety and depression, so I empathize on a very personal level. These days I have a pretty good grasp on it, but it wasn’t always this way. My 20’s were a blur.

Thank you for sharing. We all have our dark days, but we don’t have to be defined by them. 🙂

It’s not often the title of a blog post makes me stop dead in my tracks, but this was one of those times.

As another person who’s struggled with demons, thank you. Going on mental health leave from a crappy day job for the second time in five years was no small contributor to my decision to start freelancing. It’s a massive relief and inspiration to see others who’ve persevered in battles with their own minds.

Thank you so *very* much for this post. I quit my job to deal with my mental health and recently picked up a freelance project; it’s been way harder than I thought to actually *work* at home when I’m in the midst of a mental health crisis. Knowing that I’m not alone helps.

Thank you ladies for this post, something I needed. I also have what you have as well as bpd, I have wondered if i do it or just be one of those things, you get into for a while and stop. Reading this post has reinspired me because I can and I will achieve my goals and dreams.

I just recently (as of this week) put the pieces together, did some research, and realized I have problems with anxiety and this anxiety leads to bouts of depression. A lot. It has been going on for several years but I was entirely clueless. I thought I needed to suck it up and quit overthinking every little detail. This article is amazing because, while I am new to the freelance writing and blogging scene, I never knew my condition could interfere with my aspirations in this area. Thank you so much for stepping out there for our sake in writing this!

Thank you for addressing this very important issue. It’s so hard to find support and people willing to openly discuss mental health issues in regard to employment. Maybe if more people were this open about it, mental illness wouldn’t be such a blockade to more people earning a living.

It’s our hope that posts like this one will encourage others to speak up as well — and ultimately reduce the stigma around mental illnesses. If more and more people with mental illnesses can stand up and prove that they’re respectable people and HARD workers, despite what their brains do to them on a daily basis, then maybe employers will be less wary of hiring us in the future. 🙂

When I first “came out” with having mental illnesses back in 2014, I lost ALL of my clients except for Sophie (that sweet angel — she even promoted me!). It was a rough time. I had just come out of the hospital, and I had virtually no employment!

Thankfully, my work in the years since has spoken for itself, and now I have multiple awards to my name, a great job here at BAFB, another job as the Managing Editor of a news site, and plenty of clients on the side. Most KNOW that I have mental illnesses — because I’m so open/public about it on my personal blog over at http://laurentharp.net and other sites I run like http://positivebloggers.com — and they don’t care. All they care about is whether or not I get the job done: and I do!

Just keep taking care of yourself and keep working hard. Good things will come! <3

I decided to try and make it as a freelance writer as I was coming out of a 2-year period of severe depression. When I was picking my life back up off the ground, I chose writing for my new career because:
1. Writing is the only thing I can do any time, any day, no matter how sick I am. The fact that I would pick up my laptop and write something when I was flat on my back on my darkest days made me think, “hey, this is my thing. THE thing. This is the thing I should be doing.”
2. Freelancing gives me the ability to work my schedule around my dark days. As long as I’m cautious with deadlines and commitments, in theory I’m pretty much able to blow off work and lie in bed watching Gilmore Girls in the middle of the day any time I need to, and make up the work at a time when I’m doing better.

Just wanted to offer this perspective on why writing, far from being difficult, is the IDEAL career for me in my particular mental health situation.