An old pedophile South Dakota who drives a big van which he claims has candy inside, and plays Counterstrike in his basement while he masturbates to his extensive collection of asian, kiddy, bdsm porn.

"please, no, HELP!! NOO!! dont take me home with you Old Timer. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I dont want it! I dont want it! What are you doing with that handkercheif and that bottle of clear odorless liquid?! no HEEEEEELP!"