Democratic non-interference: “Israel has no right to defend its settlements or its people. Until they shape up and stop hassling those poor, defenseless Palestinians, I’m not even going to meet with them about Iran.”

Democratic economics: “That guy over there has more than you. He must have stolen it from you! Get him!”

Democratic military affairs: “Those Navy SEALs did an excellent job. Good thing I was there to make it all happen!”

Democratic foreign affairs: “My most-of-one-term as senator makes me far more qualified on foreign affairs than my opponent. Why, I organized entire neighborhoods! The most he’s ever organized was the Olympics, a state, and some multinational corporation!”

And finally, Democratic responsibility: “And my policies would have worked, if it hadn’t been for those meddling Republicans!”