#1 Reason You Aren't Getting What You Want.

#soyoucangetit

My favorite homo-sapiens,

For those of you that aren't signed up for my Monday Slay Newsletter.. Here is a sample edition!his is my rant edition.. 5 bullets, no apps, all gold.

It hurts my heart, like literally makes it feel constricted in my chest. Do you know that feeling of tightness? What hurts me? Watching people I love, hell and people I don't know, meander unhappily through life. It is the norm not the exception. So many of us have every opportunity but for some reason stuff just doesn't seem to go out way, we don't get what we want, we're unhappy, and we eventually just settle into it. Wtf. So let's pretend you already know what you want (start small). A new job, more money, a crazy kinda love, or just a new car. How to get it? First - always always always always ask for what you want. BUT that is not enough it's in how you ask.

Here's my secret to usually getting what I want or even better what I need.

Give First

Before I ever ask for something, I give. I abide by the 10x principle. I attempt to give 10x the value of anything I take. How to apply? Play the long game. Your next meeting/email with your husband, boss, potential employer bring something to them. Aka instead of... I'd like you to hire me email, do a little research on them and their company or an opportunity. If you want a gig at a salon, research their kind of ideal customer, put together a plan on how you are going to go after hipsters, with tattoos, between ages of 25-35 by partnering with a local tattoo shop in a hip neighborhood with a referral program, as well as through customer before and after client pics with mustache cutouts and props like you see at weddings, that you'll tag on your blog and Facebook with your hysterical sense of humor. You're giving the salon a solution to a growth problem. How many others do that? NONE. I'd hire that hair stylist.

Before I ever ask for something, I give. I abide by the 10x principle. I attempt to give 10x the value of anything I take.

Specific Asks

I'm not a big deal at all, and Even I get about 3-5 emails a day asking for help. Which I love. But if your email says, can you help me be successful, can you mentor me, can you teach me how you got to where you are. I'm calling you out. Why? It is SO not specific and all of our time is limited. Ask me instead something like, "I'm a writer I want to get published, where would you start?"

I have no idea what it means to be a mentor except to do your thinking for you. You could say I'd love to meet for coffee for 20min to get your opinion on how to better build my personal brand. I might still say no if you haven't given me something first. So better yet, come to me with an idea on how you can help me, that's how you actually get a mentor.

Ask me instead, I’m a writer I want to get published, where would you start? I have no idea what it means to be a mentor except to do your thinking for you. 

Get Curious

I have this magical tool that is so powerful it can do almost anything for you with one click.

Want me to share? It's called Google. (Hehe sarcasm apparent?) Before your meeting, google it. I just turned down two people who want to work on my team, why? I told them to come to me with a proposal on why I should hire them and they went to one of my team members to ask them for all the answers. Lazy and stupid. Of course, my employee is going to tell me. Surprise me with your intel, try to show me you actually want to work, don't just bother me or the person you want something from with "hey just checking in." Uh ok. Thanks? Instead send them intel they might not have. Prove your worth not your ability to pester.

 Surprise me with your intel, try to show me you actually want to work, don’t just bother me or the person you want something from with “hey just checking in.”

Meet 1 New Person A Week

Colton (are you reading?). Nothing like calling out your bro via email. I challenged him to try to schedule a meeting with one interesting random person a week.That's how I met Gloria Estefan, the President of Spain, was on Tv for Telemundo & People, hung w/ Wimhoff and Orlando Jones, more CEOs than I can name and the list goes on. I'm not special just process oriented.

Be Brief

Finally - when opportunity strikes be the first to end the convo. Always. It's like a hot chick at the bar, leave her wanting more.