WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS LIKE?CONK: My mom is hard working and wonderful. My dad passed away 5 years ago. RIP MATT: My dad is dead. How do you feel now? ACE: Not off to a good start. My mom’s dead and my dad’s locked away in a mental insitution in Texas. JOEY: My Father is strong and handsome. My Mother is just okay, really… I think my dad married down, if you ask me. TIMBECILE: Joey has a whole weird thing going on with his mom. We (the band) don’t know what to make of it… My parents never made me feel fat!

DID YOUR PARENTS SUPPORT YOUR CHOICE TO BE A MUSICIAN?ACE: No. MATT: If I ever decide to become a musician my Mom will support me. JOEY: They were great at first until my stupid mom made me quit my first band ’cause we called ourselves, “Squirtallica”. She thought it was crude. Bitch! TIMBECILE: Nope. My father being a musician, and my mother, being a musician’s wife said “Don’t be stupid. You’ll only end up poor and alone.” CONK: Fuck this interview! I’m fucking out of here! (Conk leaves the room). ACE: That was quick. MATT: I thought he’d make it to, at least question seven or eight.

FAVORITE BAND YOU’VE OPENED FOR?TIMBECILE: The Adicts. MATT: Swingin’ Utters ACE: Opening for Stiff Little Fingers at Punk Rock Bowling last year was a good one. JOEY: Dropkick Murphys.

ULTIMATE BAND TO OPEN FOR?ACE, MATT: AC/DC. TIMBECILE: Toy Dolls. JOEY: Heart, before they were fat.

BEST BAND TO OPEN FOR YOU?TIMBECILE: Henchmen. JOEY: I only really like playing with girl bands. ACE: The Shaymes.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE GIG?TIMBECILE: Probably Halloween 2010 when we were banned from Gilman Street for a year. that shit was epic. JOEY: Any show were I come out un-injured is a favorite. ACE: Our first Gilman Street show in March 2010. MATT: The one where they let us play for fifteen minutes and shut us down. ACE: That was at The Key Club… That we were banned from there, so we did our job.

TELL US YOUR FAVORITE SHOW STORY.MATT: My favorite show story is the one about Timbecile shitting his pants on stage. Everybody in the front row had to leave because of the smell. It was classic! Ever since that night people have been scared to stand too close to us during our set so they just hang out near the back with their arms folded. JOEY: I’d have to say there was a show that may have saved my life… I thought my girlfriend didn’t like me anymore and I was really hurt over the whole thing. The day of the show, I was a mess. Crying, sobbing, and thinking of hurting myself. Even when we got to the venue, I was crying uncontrollably. I thought the hurt would never go away! But the second we started playing, it was like a rainbow found its end at my feet! I was uplifted and I knew I could make it through. I just knew… I hate the shows where Conk throws up on my gear. TIMBECILE: So we’re in Arizona, and I’m trying to load the merch into the van. One of the other members, (we’ll call him Ponky) asked for the keys, so he could unlock the front door. I’m loading the merch in through the side door where he could have easily reached through and unlocked the front door, but he needed the keys right away. Being that the keys were looped into my pinky, which was wrapped around a heavy box of merch, I told him to hold on. He wasn’t interested in waiting, so he demanded to be given the keys instantly. I stubbornly refused, since I had a very heavy box of merch in my hands, and wasn’t interested in giving him what he wanted. Especially since he could just walk in the other open door of the van and sit down in the passenger’s seat, where he could unlock said door at his leisure.

Instead, he chose to repeat “Give me the keys” over and over until I would cave in. Rather than giving in, I chose to give the keys to the very next band member who asked for them. (We will call him Hoey). Ponky, having watched the interaction immediately raced to Hoey and tried to pry the keys, which were already wrapped around Hoey’s hands, from his live, warm fingers. Fistfights ensued. Arguments were had. Keys were thrown beyond the reach of band members. During the fighting, I snuck out to retrieve the keys, which were kindly returned to me by a dude trying to get some action from his lady. The remaining band members also began searching for the keys, not knowing that I had already received them from the walking boner across the parking lot The fight continued while everyone got into the van, yelling and screaming about losing the keys. Finally I handed the keys to Hoey, who was going to drive, which led to another fight, being that I had the keys the whole time and let the remaining band members search for them. (but that fight is another story…)

WHICH OF THE 7 DWARFS ARE YOU?JOEY: Is there a “Freckles”? I think I’d be a great “Freckles The Dwarf”. ACE: “Freckles”? Okay… I see myself as Doc. MATT: Anyone but Blag. TIMBECILE: Not the band Dwarves,you idiot! They’re talking about the ones in the Bible… I’d be Genghis Khan.

WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO BE IN A BAND?MATT: I want to be rich. ACE: The Who and The Beatles. TIMBECILE: Hot chicks. JOEY: It was when I saw my first show as a young boy… I was voted “Most Limber Boy” in school and was looking for an outlet to showcase that talent. My dad bought me tickets to see my favorite band at the time, Asia! I was so happy, I cried for days! It was during the opening notes of “The Smile Has Left Your Eyes” when I realized: THAT’S what I was meant to do… Move people with the power of song. I cried for days (this time, from deppression) when I realized I was a horrible songwriter. Thank God I met Ace! He is like my white knight! He writes songs that really make me feel good… I’ll have to be contented with my poetry. CONK: (Comes back into the room as if nothing happened) I met Ace when were 16 and loved his songwriting and we just clicked!

WHAT HAS BEEN THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR CAREER SO FAR?MATT: this interview. TIMBECILE: Gilman Street with Jesse Michaels, Punk Rock Bowling. Fighting with idiotic band members. ACE: Our first show at Gilman St. with Classics Of Love… It was Jesse Michaels’ first show with a band at Gilman since Operation Ivy. That was the best time I’ve had at any show, ever. JOEY: Sharing hotel rooms with Conk. And making enough money on tour to show my mother I don’t need her anymore! CONK: Punk Rock Bowling with Stiff Little Fingers.

THE SKY IS BLUE BECAUSE:ACE: Well, yellow would be pretty silly, wouldn’t it? JOEY: Doesn’t it have something to do with scattering of light and electromagnetic waves? Timbecile may know. TIMBECILE :Light reflects of water crystals in the sky, changing the length of the wave. CONK: It is the eye of God.

FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT:MATT: Vegan. CONK: Kokoro Japanese JOEY: Anywhere I don’t have to look at Conk. ACE: Anywhere I can order breakfast all day. TIMBECILE: Anywhere they have free Pepsi re-fills.

WHERE DO YOU ITCH THE MOST?JOEY: My heart. It’s either yearning, aching, and every so often, itching. TIMBECILE: in the 7 years. CONK: If it’s not my anus, it’s my armpits. ACE: All of a sudden, it gets all serious… I think it’s my scalp.

BEST PLACE TO BUY EQUIPMENTMATT: I recommend Caterpillar for general construction and John Deere for farmers and ranchers. JOEY: You can do well with second-hand shops too. BEST WAY I PISS YOU OFF:CONK: Throwing up on your gear. ACE: Chocolate Raccoon Eyes when you’re sleeping is always a good one. JOEY: Oh, I know all about Chocolate Raccoon Eyes! Conk wakes up anytime I melt chocolate… No fun at all!

YOU PISS ME OFF BY:MATT: Being handsome. TIMBECILE: Fuck the handsome! CONK: Lying to me. TIMBECILE: By forcing me to get out of bed… Or running out of Pepsi. JOEY: Playing my bass parts in the studio or throwing up on my equipment onstage. ACE: Laziness and twatty-ness.

IF I RULED FOR A DAY I WOULD:MATT: Quit. ACE: I’d grow my hair out. TIMBECILE: Immediately retire. CONK: Play golf. JOEY: That’s quite an imagination you have there, Conk. I’d have Conk arrested for “Stupid”.

WORST BAND IN HISTORY: CONK: Creed TIMBECILE: Rush. JOEY: Rush? You’re an idiot! Blood On The Dancefloor is the worst shit ever recorded!! MATT: Rush? Not even close… There are way too many worst bands to narrow it down. ACE: Whatever the band is playing on KROQ right now.

BEST BAND IN HISTORY:MATT: The Beatles. Everybody knows that one. ACE: The Beatles. CONK: The Who JOEY: You guys and your Beatles and Who nonsense! The Rutles started it all! TIMBECILE: Toy Dolls.

PROUDEST MOMENT:CONK: When my daughter was born. MATT: I’m not interested in pride. ACE: I was voted “Most Flexible Boy” in Junior High. Not too shabby. JOEY: When I finally got up the nerve to tell my mother I wasn’t going to be her dress up doll anymore! TIMBECILE: When I learned to count all by myself. CONK: Yeah, he learned to count Pepsi re-fills at the age 23. As long as there are mirrors around, it’s a struggle for Timbecile to be proud of anything.

BEST BAND LATELY:MATT: Dillinger Four ACE: Tie between The Aggrolites and Swingin’ Utters. JOEY: I can’t remember the name, but they’re a girl band… Except for the drummer. TIMBECILE: I’m with Joey. CONK: Henchmen.

IF I COULD HANG WITH ANYONE *dead or alive* FOR A DAY:TIMBECILE: I would make a clone of myself to hang out with, because I’m the only one interesting enough to be worth talking to. MATT: And they’d watch each other sleep and drink themselves blind with Pepsi… I’d hang with Jesus and see what the fuss is all about. ACE: Four way tie… Lincoln, Gandhi, Jesus, Ike Turner. CONK: Gandhi JOEY: My girlfriend! Love you, Poo Poo Pie