Imagine my delight to wake up every morning to see and hear our most recent commander in chief spew vitriol with incessant vigor. That guy kills me.

If you like the insane clown posse that was the George W. Bush administration, you gotta love this one. This time, for me, however, it's not all about the entertainment value.

I see an unprecedented opportunity to profit from Donny's carnival of fear and loving: invest in Wall-Mart. No, not the gigantic discount chain, but rather the enterprise that is bound to surface after we start building border walls.

The legislation is already in the works to stretch a fence along the 2,000 mile border with Mexico. Keeping illegal immigrants out of the U.S. was, of course, one of the hallmark promises that Donny made during the presidential campaign. Add to that the inevitable 5,500-mile fence along the U.S.-Canada border to keep legal Americans in, and you've got 7,500 miles of concrete, steel and heavy wire mesh that is certain to have a significant return on investment.

Yes, as Donny gets weirder and more dangerous there are bound to be floods of people that would feel more secure way, way up north, and I'm sure he'll have a huge problem with that.

Let's face it, saying "aboot" instead of "about" is a small price to pay for peace of mind and a mind of peace. Plus, ya hey — bonus — free health care and you'll never run out of ice.