Babysitting Bully, your opinion?

Hi, I'm brand new. I have identical twins 29 months and a 18month all boys. Anyways my girlfriend lives on the same street as us and she also has three children. Hers are a little older we are both single mom's. She has been dumping her kids off on me constantly. She showed up in the middle of dinner tonight asking me to babysit her son from six to six. Her son apparently has strep throat and can't go to school. I told her no. I already babysat five days this week. Her kids are always punching and aggressive to my tots and also they are always sick with some bug. So I told her no and I just know she's going to ask tomorrow. My question I guess is what would you do? How would you deal with this without seeming like a bad friend? Thanks!

You might just tell her you've been feeling really overwhelmed lately, which sounds to be true, and you need to take a break from watching her kids. Blame the holiday stress, work, kids, housework, whatever you think that might lesson the blow that she will need to find alternate care.

If you're good friends maybe you two can sit down over some coffee and make a set schedule to take turns watching each other's kids. Something like, "Hey, I'd be happy to watch your kids on x day from y to z if you can babysit mine at this time... In the event of unexpected necessity, we agree to call at least 2 hours in advance and ask, not just show up. This is the alternative if either of us are unavailable to babysit."

If she's not that kind of friend and can't handle a nice discussion, she's not the type of friend you need.

If you simply don't like her kids due to their behavior and feeling overwhelmed by them, then the fast answer is just simply saying to your "friend" that you are not a babysitter and don't have the availablity to watch her kids. Sorry but dems the breaks.

The other thing is, have you tried to sit your friend down and talk about her kids' behavior?

The unfortunate thing is that young kids act-out their emotions, and the agression may be a result of things going on at their home you may not be aware of. They may feel "safe" enough at your house to express themselves in this fashion because they don't know how else to express themselvs and have not been demonstrated alternatives. I'd hate to have them loose the support of an adult who could provide for them a shelter of sorts from whatever it is happening at home, as well as someone who could care enough to help them work through the emotions, and be a positive role model for them.

This could end up being a better friendship, or this could be a "Friend" you don't need in your life right now.

Does she recipocate when you need a sitter?
If you're good friends maybe ...

Posted
12/20/2013

Does she recipocate when you need a sitter?

If you're good friends maybe you two can sit down over some coffee and make a set schedule to take turns watching each other's kids. Something like, "Hey, I'd be happy to watch your kids on x day from y to z if you can babysit mine at this time... In the event of unexpected necessity, we agree to call at least 2 hours in advance and ask, not just show up. This is the alternative if either of us are unavailable to babysit."

If she's not that kind of friend and can't handle a nice discussion, she's not the type of friend you need.

If you simply don't like her kids due to their behavior and feeling overwhelmed by them, then the fast answer is just simply saying to your "friend" that you are not a babysitter and don't have the availablity to watch her kids. Sorry but dems the breaks.

The other thing is, have you tried to sit your friend down and talk about her kids' behavior?

The unfortunate thing is that young kids act-out their emotions, and the agression may be a result of things going on at their home you may not be aware of. They may feel "safe" enough at your house to express themselves in this fashion because they don't know how else to express themselvs and have not been demonstrated alternatives. I'd hate to have them loose the support of an adult who could provide for them a shelter of sorts from whatever it is happening at home, as well as someone who could care enough to help them work through the emotions, and be a positive role model for them.

This could end up being a better friendship, or this could be a "Friend" you don't need in your life right now.

Hi pixie! This friend rarely offers to babysit for my children. And to be honest she would not be my first pick. Once I went out and came to collect my boys a few hours later and two of the boys had been clearly sitting in soiled diapers. So she never bothered to change them, even tho I provided supplies and told her they usually have a bm around this time. Secondly I have tried talking to her about the behavior issues. I suggested a child psychologist could help, since she admitted she has problems with the behavior as well, and she took it offensively and we actually stopped speaking for a while after that.

Thanks for the input. I was questioning my decision to tell her no but not anymore. Especially with Christmas in a few days. This will be the first holiday dinner at my new home, and I'll be hosting and cooking for my whole family. Imagine, all my kids with strep throat? And my friend knows about this. I don't think she is s good friend, and this may sound harsh, but she's not a very good mother. And I used to believe our relationship was basically founded on a common love of our kids and being great mothers. Not so much anymore.
I suppose perhaps I should check out the library play group, and try to make some more positive friends there?

Oh and when she called, which she indeed did this morning at 530, to beg me one more time to babysit the boy who is very sick I told her no, I can't. And I told her I'm busy, I can't babysit. You need to go find a babysitter. Goodbye. :-)

I honestly can't believe that she would ask you to babysit a kid with strep when you have little ones of your own. They could easily catch strep. I would never ask one of my friends to do that - she does not sound like a good friend at all. Good for you for saying no. She might be a friend that you need to let go.

I honestly can't believe that she would ask you to babysit a kid with str...

Posted
12/20/2013

I honestly can't believe that she would ask you to babysit a kid with strep when you have little ones of your own. They could easily catch strep. I would never ask one of my friends to do that - she does not sound like a good friend at all. Good for you for saying no. She might be a friend that you need to let go.

Yes, I totally agree. But also the child who is sick should have his mother caring for him too. Anyways it has been almost a week since I put my foot down and my "friend" hasn't asked once for more babysitting. Pretty sure I got my point across. And we are still friends. So if anyone reads this and is going thru a similar situation I suggest just being totally honest and you're friendship will survive(if it's a real friendship) :-)

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