Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

I cried. I knew I would, but I managed to do it when ALL eyes were on me – during my “speech”. Awesome. I say “speech”, because it was terrible. In the face of people I love, admire, like or even just tolerate, my usual communication skills completely abandoned me, and I didn’t manage to say half of what I wanted to.

But everyone applauded anyway, because they are NPLers and they are lovely. I have rarely felt as special as I did yesterday – it was a day I will never forget.

I promise you that I don’t care about popularity, I am entirely myself, all the time. If people like it, great. If they don’t, too bad. But just to know that I have made an impact on such fantastic people. To know that I will be missed. It was incredible. I’ve been going though a real crisis of confidence of late, one which only really my boyfriend has had to witness – lots of tears (unhappy ones), anxiety, sleepless nights, paranoia. I’d stopped seeing myself clearly, I think, that was the core of it. I was just focussed on getting stuff done, ticking boxes, feeling guilty for not being able to give my time to everyone, stressing… you get the idea. But yesterday, I felt like I could breath again, it was awesome.

One of the things I DID manage to get out before I blubbed yesterday was that NPL is just a place, but it’s the people that make it a family. And I meant it.

For the home-made gifts – Donegal tweed, walk-along gliders built by my student and, the star of the show, a thermoelectric generator-based USB charger built in secret by Alex – my awesome, but usually disorganised Lead Scientist – and Andres, Renu and Peter, all aided and abetted by my manager Gareth. It absolutely made my day

For looking after me, for supporting me, for enabling me for seven years

For providing one or two “characters” who occasionally patronised, annoyed and upset me (anyone worth knowing needs an enemy!!) but for also providing many more wonderful people to vastly outnumber the ars*holes