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“Vote? Sheee, I can’t even vote on what I’m gonna have for dinner.”-Gentleman’s response to a 42nd Street voter registration team
“Am I going to be rich when I get older?… My sources say no. Aww.”-Boy playing with a Magic 8-Ball at Toys ‘R’ Us
#1: “J-Lo is so rich, she could buy ten Bentleys and never go broke.”
#2: “She buggin’.”-Two St. Luke’s Hospital Nurses

THEORY
A public job listing for an animal euthanist will go over poorly.
SCIENTIFIC STUDY
1:17 PM - The following is posted in the Jobs section of Craigslist:
Seeking Experienced Euthanist for Animal Facility
New Jersey animal science facility seeks …

Q: Today, Israel assassinated Saruman The White, played by Christopher Lee. Why did they do that?
A: Saruman the White was the "spiritual advisor" to Hamas, which is considered a terrorist organization by practically everyone in …