Friday, 12 September 2008

Concerns continued to grow for the welfare of commie dictator and all-round axis of evil dude Kim Jong-il yesterday - Melted Felt can exclusively report.

After Kimmy-boy failed to turn up to the parade of fu"k-off huge guns and stuff which marked North Korea's 60th anniversary, there was some speculation as to his health and wellbeing. These doubts were magnified 100-fold when Kim did not make an appearance in WCOOP event #11 - the Pot Limit Omaha Hi-Lo Split championship event.

Our informant told us that Kim Jong-il was actually feeling pretty confident about taking the event down, and becoming the first North Korean WCOOP winner in history - since he had never ever (not even once) lost a single poker game in his home country, which was absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his opponents were so sh1t scared of winning that they deliberately played bad.

Asked about his strategy our informer said that keeping the entire population on the brink of starvation, spending money on big missiles and appearing completely fu"king insane most of the time should do it nicely... alongside the implicit threat to sell nukes to terrorists if any western nation dare to criticise his BIG glasses.

We then asked the same question again - only this time more specifically about poker strategy. This time our informer denied that Kim Jong-il had suffered a stroke... saying that it was in fact the North Korean dictators cat who had the stroke... and also a tickle behind the ears.