Lady Gaga marks her dressing rooms with urine in surprising places. Jessica Simpson plans to give birth in 4-inch Yves Saint Laurent heels. Rihanna is horny and not getting laid enough. Nicki Minaj wants to use a vibrator in front of children. Friday gossip has needs.

When it comes to peeing, Lady Gaga does not observe your human bathroom customs, but prefers to urinate into trashcans in her dressing rooms. Her ornate costumes are impossible to maneuver in the close quarters of a regular lavatory, she explains.

I do quite often pee in the dressing room, in the trash can. It would have been an interesting photo today because I had a big pink bow on, and I was over the trash can...The bathroom is down the hall. And I was naked. It was just me, my bow and my nakedness. Me and my dustbin have a very important relationship.

I hope the janitors get paid extra to deal with that. On the other hand, they could start a black market trade of garbage-tinged Gaga piss. The value will be somewhere between that of panda poo tea leaves and Vincent Gallo's jiz. Rare beasts' excretions, bottled and sold: Our global economy depends on this. [Starpulse, image via Getty]

Rihanna is single and really horny: "I'm not necessarily happy being single. It's not really that cool… My personal life is pretty much non-existent. Which is not good, not for the long run. Not for me, not for 'Her.' [points between legs] It's not fun." The sexiness of this quote is completely destroyed by the realization that Rihanna is one of those weird people who anthropomorphize their genitals. [X17]

Jessica Simpson plans to deliver her baby in 4-inch Yves Saint Laurent heels. "I went to the doctor yesterday and he said, 'You're gonna need to get out of those heels!' I was like, 'Excuse me! I'll be delivering in these heels!'" Kind of concerned for the doctor's safety. Don't the feet end up kind of near the doctor's face, during labor? [Us]

Katy Perry is taking time off to "work on her family." Baby bump obsessives, standby. [P6]

It appears that Nicki Minaj has reached the "difficult diva" phase of her career. She's driving the American Music Awards producers crazy with demands that are putting the show overbudget. She also wants to perform an "electro-themed" set with an "'electric vibrating prop' between her legs," and she wants those little YouTube girls who sang her song to be on stage simultaneously. This has awkward potential. [Page Six]

Around the time of their divorce announcement, Ashton Kutcher was looking "strained, tense" according to this blurry paparazzi photo in which Ashton is wearing sandals, a plaid shirt, and his shoulder-length hair with a part in the middle. If Jesus lived in Portland, he'd look like this. [Us]

Emma Roberts might have cheated on Chord Overstreet with Zac Efron, but what's the point? It's like spitting out a lemondrop to start sucking on a new, identical lemondrop. The same recipe and machine created both. There may be slight differences in texture or shape, but it's ultimately the same lemony sweetness. [Celebitchy]

The wife of one of Kim Kardashian's bodyguards says Kim stole her husband and ruined her marriage. Juicy, but the Mariah Yeater factor is strong. For reference, "Mariah Yeater" is what we're going to say every time a kamikaze rando grabs headlines by claiming to have a scandalous connection to a celebrity he or she has never even met. [Hollywood Life]

As a fellow divorcee from a strange, high-profile marriage (to an Italian prince) Olivia Wilde is going to the mat for Kim Kardashian: "I empathize. It's not easy. It's the hardest thing in the world. People judge you because divorce is seen as failure. [Kim] took a risk. No one should be attacking her. Our attention should be focused on things that are truly scandalous." Like whether or not Lindsay Lohan wore a bra today. [Superficial, Page Six]