Susan Sparks: ‘Oh, it’s just you!’

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Tuesday

Oct 30, 2018 at 2:09 PMOct 30, 2018 at 2:09 PM

One of my best Halloween outfits when I was little was a gypsy zombie. It was all homemade with “Heinz Ketchup blood” smeared on my face, my mom’s scarf tied around my head, some giant clip-on earrings found at a yard sale and a flowy paisley housecoat. I have no clue where the idea for that wacky concoction originated. What I do remember is that I knew (at least in my young mind) that I looked terribly scary.

Apparently, I was the only one who thought so. Treat-or-treat bag in hand, I proceeded next door to terrify my 8-year-old neighbor. As he opened his front door, he rolled his eyes, and said, “Oh, it’s just you.”

Maybe it was the disappointment of being called out, or the shame of not being considered scary. Whatever it was, that moment stuck with me for years.

Sadly, the “Oh, it’s just you” fear is still alive and well in many of us. Self-help gurus have renamed it imposter syndrome: the fear that the world is going to find out that you’re a fake, that you don’t really belong, or that you aren’t as smart, or as successful, or good as everyone seems to think. The anxiety is that if we show our true selves, the world will roll its eyes and say, “Oh, it’s just you!”

To protect ourselves from this painful revelation, we create emotional masks. They are not so different than the masks that the ancient Celts created to protect themselves from the evil spirits that roamed the earth on All Hallows Eve. We, too, don our emotional masks to protect ourselves from the judgmental people who roam our lives.

For example, if we are insecure, we might hide behind the mask of name-dropping. If we are unsure of our power, we might wear the mask of being a bully. If we don’t think the world loves us, we might hold up the mask of anger.

The problem is that it’s exhausting to live such an inauthentic life. You put on a mask or two or 10, then take off a few, then put on a couple more. Who has the energy for that? Worst of all, you forget who you really are. As comedian and actress Fanny Brice once explained, “Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then, where are you?”

We weren’t born with masks. We put them on, so we can take them off. Start with this simple exercise: Think about a negative message about yourself that you are trying to mask. Is it true? More than likely, the answer is no. And if it is not true, then ask yourself, “Why am I continuing to hold on to that message? If I stopped believing it, what would happen?”

The main risk we face is the world’s reaction. Opening yourself up can threaten others because it pushes them to reevaluate their own lives. Many times, it forces them to realize that they, too, have the power to change, but they haven’t done it.

Don’t let that stop you. Your life, your voice, and your spirit are gifts from God. The Psalmists acknowledge this truth with the beautiful words, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14. Our gifts need to be shared, not masked. Or as a pastor colleague once said: “Masks make shallow what God has intended to be deep.”

Think about the masks you wear and why. Commit to taking them off. Hold your gifts out to the world—no apology, no shame, no regrets. And if someone says, “Oh, it’s just you,” smile and know without reservation that being “you” is more than enough.

— A trial lawyer turned stand-up comedian and Baptist minister, Rev. Susan Sparks is the senior pastor of Madison Avenue Baptist Church in New York City and the author of Laugh Your Way to Grace. Contact her through her email at revssparks@gmail.com, or her website, www.SusanSparks.com

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