Lucchino Finds Solution for Renegade Hawk at Fenway

Hear Call of the Green Monster appear on 100.7 WZLX “Karlson and McKensie” at 7:20 am on Opening Day at Fenway April 8!

The story popped up in all local media units and even became a national story. A young girl--named Alexa Rodriguez no less--was taking a tour of Fenway Park when a hawk nesting near the press box above home plate attacked her and opened a laceration on her forehead, sending her to the hospital. According the Boston Globe, the 3 1/2-pound hawk has been building nests at Fenway since 2002, but has always been chased out before Opening Day so she and her mate could find a new home. This weekend, Larry Lucchino took matters into his own hands, literally, and against the wishes of wildlife officials climbed up to the nest and strangled the hawk to death while it lay peacefully sleeping. “It was a tender and humane death,” Lucchino reported. “The hawk wriggled a bit and instinctively put up a bit of a struggle for its life, but it was all over in just a few beautiful minutes.” Theo Epstein, witnessing the slaying said, “It was undertaken with the greatest of compassion. I wept. The chocking sounds were barely audible, and, oddly, somewhat melodic.” Lucchino said photographs of the murder will be sold on Opening Day, and that feathers of the bird will be for sale at souvenir stands. They also plan to hold a very special auction, which Lucchino detailed at a Sunday press conference. “Yes, right here on Opening Day,” Lucchino said proudly, “the highest bidding fan will dine on the hawk--cooked of course--while watching the Red Sox play the Tigers. Of course, the winner will face the timeless epicurean question of whether white or red wine should be served with a strangled hawk--or just a plain old watered down Fenway beer--but we’ll let the winner choose.” Looking both ways, Lucchino added with a wink, “I’m having the wings sent up to me as an appetizer for my Fenway Frank. The winner will never know the difference. How often do you eat a hawk?”