Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)?
This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Another Day of the Tweet

@michaelworkma13 Thank you for saying "I'm so fine", but I'm not a girl. I am a helicopter cat with bacon taped on him.
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6h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lost in Space #politicalsitcoms
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6h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Twilight Zone #politicalsitcoms
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6h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To Tell the Truth #politicalsitcoms
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6h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Glenn Beck Show #politicalsitcoms
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6h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Walking Dead #politicalsitcoms
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6h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Let's Make a Deal #politicalsitcoms
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9h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I have theater tickets Dec. 22. I hope I see the whole show before the world ends.
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9h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
A charity is auctioning tickets to a free show. I hope those with losing bids realize they can still see the show.
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9h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #YouNeedToUnderstandThat #WeCantBeFriends if #GanghamStyle is #Dead
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10h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten @michaelhayes This fad will likely fad away once it reaches Chivas Regaling.
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12h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Your interview makes me carminative.
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22h Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
My "World Ended Yesterday" lecture is Dec. 23. Interesting. No one has registered for it.
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6 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@MonicaHesse You're lucky. Where I work, someone keeps asking for a live chicken.
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6 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
They should start allowing priests to marry, but incrementally. Just let them first be able to marry each other.
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5 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #HowToReplyToILoveYou probably should not be #ILoveMyPhone
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5 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes @HayesBrown The key to success is to never achieve mediocrity.
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4 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes The Post lists you for today. This is fine, we'll just camp out outside the Internet for a week.
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4 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Your are tweeting while still a bit late for your 2 pm appointment?
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4 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
49% of Republicans think ACORN stole the election. Not the defunct organization, but actual acorns from trees fell and changed the results.
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4 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you are having a heart attack, take deep breaths and cough loud enough until your neighbors call 911 complaining about the noise.
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4 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Eddie Murphy beat me out for most overpaid actor in Hollywood.
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3 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Who will win the Zombie American vote in 2016?
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3 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To those buying guns because you think Obama is going to stop their sales: Let's see what i have to sell you...
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3 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Willard Mitt #RoyalBaby Name
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending" #MentionSomeonePretty such as the zombies on #WalkingDead
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Las Vegas is for crabs. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I love New York. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where Penn and Teller can make all your money disappear. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #ProudToBeAFan of #TheGrinch
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
We have slot machines in the airport. You never have to even leave the airport. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you lose all your money, you can work wearing a Donald Duck outfit posing for tourist photos. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where space aliens crash, probably because of the Luxor light. #RejectedVegasSlgoans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where the air contains remnants of past nuclear tests. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Have the kids get their photos taken with a serial killer wearing a Little Kitty outfit. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where else can you get free limo rides to see fat senior citizen strippers? #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
We have bars kept at 5 degrees below zero, just like in Pennsylvania in winter. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Our Eiffel Tower is half the size of the real thing, but you really want to fly to Paris to see the full one? #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where else can be can a quickie marriage and a quickie divorce from a hooker? #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Some of the buffet food is actually edible. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where else can you sit on a crapper and play the slots? #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Come see the Elvis Museum, oops, sorry, closed. See the Liberace Museum, oops, sorry closed. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The second best city to gamble in all of Nevada. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If you can afford him, keep Oscar Goodman's phone number with you at all times. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
If they never let Sammy Davis Jr.. leave, what makes you think you're getting out. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where no one gambling smiles, but we casino owners are jubilant. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
An undercover cop in your room in 20 minutes. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where the bright lights and noise never ceases, and you can't sleep one bit. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where the waters dance at the Bellagio, women dance on the casino floors, and your money dances into our pockets. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where the Mob is now a museum and large corporations now take all your money. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Shoot an Uzi, ride the zip line, eat a quadruple bypass burger, and for real thrills, see Carrot Top. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The only winners are named Wynn. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas, Including Your Life Savings and Then Some. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
An STD delivered to your room in 20 minutes. #RejectedVegasSlogans
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #MentionSomeonePretty: #TwoDollarSubs
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Notice how many people who stated Obama hates America signed a petition to succeed from the Union.
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I have three reasons why Rick Perry would make a great candidate. As soon as I remember the third reason...
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2 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
So the literal Biblical translation of "men" is "those who pee against the wall." But, I know women who can pee against a wall...
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1 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Thank you Rosa Parks. Your gallant struggle allowed us white people to be able to sit in those seats in the back of the bus.
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1 Dec Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@geneweingarten I have known Jeanne Weinberger closely for years now.
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30 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: Donald Trump's #5ThingsOnMyChristmasList include #GOP and #NewYork
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30 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Sound of Music #RejectedBondTitles
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
When i order my food, I order it gangnam style.
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes I got your name tattooed on my face. Oops, your name isn't "Alexander", is it? I may have some explaining to do with the guys.
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Momma Mia! #RejectedBondTitles
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Lindsay Lohan arrested again. (I just keep this tweet on automatic repeat every few days.)
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I was raised by wolves. Irving and Martha Wolve.
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Man With the Golden Shower #RejectedBondTitles
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Octopussy #RejectedBondTitles No, wait, that one slipped through.
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
The Spy Who Loved Meetings #RejectedBondTitles
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Dr. Nah #RejectedBondTitles
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Thunderballing #RejectedBondTitles
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
To Russia With Love and STDs #RejectedBondTitles
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29 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Goldmiddlefinger #RejectBondTitles
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28 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@selenacrane13 @CapriGalk20 I could be wrong, but are you hyping CapriGalk20? #CapriGalk20 (whatever that is)
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28 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You are more apt to have a tiger jump into your life raft than you are to win the Powerball. I hate it when a tiger does jumps into my raft.
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28 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#4WordsAftaSex include "Live long and prosper", said the virgin.
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28 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#4WordsAftaSex include "your mother was better."
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28 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #4WordsAftaSex include #HappyHumpDay (which is three words, but who is counting?)
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22 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Ate like the Pilgrims. Now I feel like burning some witches.
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22 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Visited grave of my Mohegan great-great grandmother and thanked her and her relatives for the land.
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16 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
You an take away my Twinkie when you peal it from my dead hands. Wait, I don't like Twinkies. #Twinkies #Hostess
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15 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes A Tauntaun sins if its spits at its parents.
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15 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Some Klingons are Calvinists yet more are Hobbesians.
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15 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Kortar Klingons deny transubstantiation as an affront to their religion. Atheist Klingons favor any new source of wine.
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15 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Black Friday will now start at 12:01 am Thanksgiving day.
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15 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@TheRobertBriggs Thank you for the retweet. Lots of great ideas for Hamas bumper stickers, assuming the bumper hasn't been blown off.
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14 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Where is Netanyahu's birth certificate? #HamasBumperStickers
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14 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@GeneralPetraeus I only have 28 followers, so we will be able to keep our affair a secret.
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14 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@GeneralPetraeus The first 29,000 emails were flattering, but seriously, the last 1,000 are getting a bit creepy.
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12 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Fired an Uzi, jumped from 5th floor, and oddly the most danger I was in: flat tire on the highway,.
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12 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I see binders full of women won elections.
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12 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
I'm a doctor, not an economist. #startrekfiscalcliff
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3 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Visited old childhood home after the storm. No electricity, no windows, roof gone. Just as it was when I was young.
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2 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Even though the New York Marathon has been canceled, Paul Ryan ran it in under three hours.
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6:30 PM - 2 Nov 12 · Details
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2 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes You may research from my paper on procrastination that I wrote..oh, wait...never mind. Procrastinators unite! Because we won't!
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2 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
#FollowFriday. You should follow @sexiestlyingwit as I hear he connects on a joke every once in awhile,
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2 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
@petridishes Would you put your economy in the hands of someone who got a B minus in Intermediate Macroeconomics?
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2 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Unemployment is 7.9%. I am voting for Obama. If it were eat 8.0% I would have voted for Romney.
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2 Nov Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit
Now trending: #HowToPissOffAGirl is to tell her you're in the #NYCMarathon when you're really pub hopping in #StatenIsland
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