tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35048420571501443182014-10-06T17:13:43.967-07:00Life in the Loony BinLyndseynoreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-28748333577005450112012-01-02T17:41:00.000-08:002012-01-02T17:41:16.046-08:00100 useless things to know about me (Caution: Read this if you're REALLY bored)A coworker of mine was talking a few weeks ago about a blog she had read in which the blogger generated a list of 100 things about himself. She seemed pretty impressed by this and wanted to take on the challenge herself, to which she was successful (and I'd like to add she generated a better list with fewer 'cheats' than the other guy). I believe myself to be a quirky person, and so I thought Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-54573309234178940992011-11-02T14:34:00.000-07:002012-01-02T16:01:09.575-08:00No hunny, you can't go to the exotic massage parlorI am constantly hearing stories from other women and complete strangers that marriage is the pits, and men are generally the cause. My husband seems to (so far) be the exception to a lot of rules, and I am truly thankful for that.
There are times though, when he'll say something to make me question how much of (or at least what kind of) an exception he really is.
For example:
The last two Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-91051743013568232912011-10-31T14:28:00.000-07:002011-10-31T14:28:51.281-07:00Insert Foot In MouthDo you ever suffer from foot-in-mouth disease? What about writer's remorse? I am plagued by both on a pretty regular basis, and I'm going with that as my excuse for my absence for nearly two months.
I've noticed that lately I just don't know how to keep my mouth shut. It's not that I blab the secrets of others or participate in gossip...I just honestly can not stop running my mouth. I will Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-2341600227390759162011-09-06T10:09:00.000-07:002011-09-06T10:58:58.914-07:00Happy BirthdayThey say that with every year you not only get older, you get wiser. Little did I know that one derives a lot of wisdom on the actual day of her birthday and not just over the twelve months that follow.
Let me preface my birthday tales with this: I don't fear aging. Maybe I'm too young to fear it, or maybe I'm too intrigued by the later years to be hesitant about their arrival. Either way, Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-58044847493788147172011-08-28T17:42:00.000-07:002011-08-28T17:42:14.674-07:00The Time I Got Someone Else's Poop In My EyeMy dad's biological mom lives out on the east coast, and has for the majority of my life. It's pretty routine that she and her husband Ed come to visit every two years. Generally, they would spend one week or so with Ed's kids, and then a week at my dad's house before starting the trek back home. During those formative years when living with my dad, I would obviously be present for the visits Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-14671560653009654262011-08-02T19:52:00.000-07:002011-08-02T19:52:13.197-07:00Scarred for Life
This? Is HORRIFYING.
Some things you just can't unsee.
I'm pretty sure I just brushed the top three layers off of my tongue to make sure it doesn't look like this. Maybe you should too.
Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-51895197344779940902011-07-21T07:15:00.000-07:002011-07-21T07:16:28.242-07:00Kill the zombie turkeys by masturbating with the stolen used-underwearThose who know me in the real-world understand that I choose to live in a "bubble" that consequently leaves me oblivious to current issues. I find the news to be too depressing, and I get quite rageful when the news anchor goes from talking about some gruesome and tragic death to a light-hearted story about a water-skiing squirrel. When I'm eventually murdered or die in some sort of Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-30723492741888604862011-07-01T14:43:00.000-07:002011-07-03T06:41:43.948-07:00**UPDATED: And this is why I don't play sports.As indicated by my last post, I may not be much in the kitchen, but I try to be a good wife where it counts...the golf course. To celebrate Canada's birthday, the husband asked if I would like to join him in a round of golf to which I agreed, thinking this is the perfect opportunity to work on my tan.
He comes from a family of obsessed avid golfers, and I? Well, I'm trying to adjust as best I Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-80040165377950600632011-07-01T07:49:00.000-07:002011-07-01T07:49:05.925-07:00Undomestic GoddessI will never be considered a Stepford wife, possibly much to my husband's dismay.
Last week a woman at work brought in some banana bread and brownies for the rest of us to gorge ourselves on. She almost instantly started identifying the 'flaws' of her baking, pointing out that it's too dry (which it wasn't...it was delicious, and quite frankly? Beggars can't be choosers). At one point she evenLyndseynoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-19306456665805724882011-06-07T19:00:00.000-07:002011-06-07T19:09:08.618-07:00Quit Forcing Your Committment On Me, Blogger.I have recently discovered that the domain host for my blog is forcing me into commitment with other blogs that share the domain. What does this mean? If I read your blog and I like what I see, and I think I'd like to see more, then I decide I want to "follow" you. I will now receive an update anytime you post a new blog entry. The concept of following is eerily beautiful as it satisfies my Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-30780117703148682082011-04-27T14:30:00.000-07:002011-04-27T14:30:18.052-07:00Should I be alarmed that the porn sites came to me?For those of you unfamiliar with the "behind the scenes" of the blogging world, there are sites or features of certain blog sites that let you see how people came across your blog. I can learn what "searches" people have done on their search engine when they found themselves at my blog (ie: "being watched in the shower"), I can see what site they're coming from (i.e. the people coming over from Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-5592952557274441122011-04-03T16:38:00.000-07:002011-04-03T16:38:51.097-07:00I Always Felt Like I Was Being Watched In The Shower. Now I Know Why.In February 2010 I quietly referenced my fear of being watched while using the bathroom - more specifically, public bathrooms. I had theories that perverts had so stealthily installed spy-cams in the floor drains or ceiling-mounted air vents to watch unsuspecting women wipe their asses. For this reason, I would strictly observe the floor drain/ceiling vent situation in any public bathroom Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-77100880493248174912011-03-21T17:10:00.000-07:002011-03-21T17:11:07.031-07:00And this is why I don't take you anywhere.A few days ago in a major department store:
Me: Okay, we've got your deodorant, we've got my face wash. Is that all we need?
Ryan: Hmmm...Oh! Douche gel!
*awkward looks from people in the immediate vacinity*
What he was referring to was this:
What I'm pretty sure they thought he was referring to?
Thanks hunny - now these people think I have problems down there.
A real entry Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-88325156992104395642011-02-13T16:54:00.000-08:002011-02-13T16:54:25.557-08:00How I Discovered My Boob Is A Periscope For My BladderFor most married couples, the honeymoon is a wonderful time in which you celebrate the life-long commitment you've just made to one another. Having taken our honeymoon in Rome during the hottest time of the year, our honeymoon was a true learning experience for us Ryan . It didn't take long for him to piece together that heat + cobblestone + hunger = a dramatic and savage version of the women Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-32986776402221325092011-01-30T19:37:00.000-08:002011-01-30T19:37:53.477-08:00I was just emotionally raped over the internet.I was going to write about my theory that my left boob is a periscope for my bladder, but I'm going to have to save that for another time, since I was totally just emotionally raped over the internet. To add insult to injury, it was during a game of euchre on the yahoo games website.
I was playing my little online game while simultaneously trying to defend myself against Toby who was mauling meLyndseynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-87625130166316917972011-01-04T16:55:00.000-08:002011-01-04T16:55:06.161-08:00I'm Pretty Sure I'm Being Haunted By A Ghost Who Wants To Steal My IdentityRemember when I said that I was disappointed our house wasn't haunted because I wanted to be the fatter, less fashionable version of Jennifer Love Hewitt? I think I may have misjudged that one....
Toby was viciously barking at this one area of our ceiling all night. Upon closer inspection there was nothing on the ceiling or the wall (aside from the claw marks he just left behind. Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-37601211128604680572011-01-02T10:52:00.000-08:002011-01-02T11:00:34.302-08:00Satirical Self-Analysis - Part II've been somewhat missing in action the past month or so due to an extended bout of self-reflection (and thus self-pitying, self-loathing, etc etc), prompted by external events beyond my control. My way of coping with this? Sending it out to the blogosphere with a bit of a satirical twist to try and lighten my solemn mood. What better (and more morbid) way to kick off the new year could thereLyndseynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-29910331527339474362010-12-31T16:32:00.000-08:002010-12-31T22:17:11.449-08:00A Love Story Between Animal and MachineIn the late June 2008, my darling husband and I decided we wanted to spend our anniversary amongst the animals. For most couples, this would involve renting a cottage for a romantic weekend out in a secluded area. For us, it meant a trip to African Lion Safari (ALS) in an 18 year old car without air conditioning. ALS is one of those zoos that you get to drive your car through, should you Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-9212185597532319212010-12-13T16:33:00.000-08:002010-12-13T16:33:13.646-08:00My Toby, My HeroLast week he was saving us from the zombies. This week he's saving us from the evil Christmas decorations. My hero.
NOTE: The window treatment is skewed because the cat previously tried getting in on the action. Also? This is Toby after about 10-15 minutes of barking. When he first noticed the deco's his hackles went up and I'm sure everyone in a two block radius heard his vicious bark. Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-70377927922864833602010-12-01T20:09:00.000-08:002010-12-01T20:09:16.617-08:00Preparing for the Zombie ApocalypseA few consecutive nights of poor sleep prompted the following e-mail exchange between myself and Jenny Lawson - The Bloggess. I felt it important to share so you too can prepare appropriately.
Hi Jenny! This morning I inadvertently did a "zombie" walk* as I approached my 9 month old German Shepherd puppy (who's a GIANT, I might add). Needless to say, it royally freaked him out and his Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-72614259834142250592010-11-17T15:30:00.000-08:002010-11-17T15:30:52.539-08:00I'm Pretty Sure My Mouth Is Filled With Little Calcium-Packed SuperHeroes
SUPERTOOTH - no plaque buildup too big to handle!
Growing up my parents didn't have dental coverage, so my memories of the dentist are faint given I wasn't there too often. Once I hit about 9 years old, the dentist couldn't deny that braces were imminent. If my parents were finding it challenging to afford regular dentist visits, the orthodontist only presented a larger financial burden - oneLyndseynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-53945946033939315692010-11-10T18:11:00.000-08:002010-11-10T18:12:06.889-08:00Karma Loves Me, Loves Me Not, Loves Me...KARMA LOVES ME:
It took a little while, but after what seemed like a month of searching at least an hour or two a day, we finally found some suitable window treatments for our new home. It was getting to the point where I was sure our only options would be to plaster tissue paper on the windows or risk finding some video images of our asses on Youtube. We had initially thought we were going toLyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-91029065927718924832010-11-02T20:12:00.000-07:002010-11-02T20:12:21.384-07:00Rinse, Soap, Rinse - Repeat if necessaryI'm often amazed at the choices people make when they're equipped with knowledge. At more extreme examples, people who continue to illegally text while driving despite knowing that they are increasing their chances of a car accident, or a typo. Pregnant momma's who continue to smoke/drink/do drugs all the while having the knowledge that it's going to generate birth defects in the little people Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-25589064714195764622010-10-31T16:41:00.000-07:002010-10-31T16:43:54.686-07:00WARNING: This post is weak.Because my creativity has left me but I've been a very negligent blogger: some interesting advertisements I've come across recently....
1. On the radio station I listen to each morning on the way to work, they regularly give jewelry away as prizes for listeners who call in and jump through the appropriate hoops. Normally it's your birthstone in the form of a necklace or earrings or something.Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3504842057150144318.post-29390056133017708272010-10-25T21:03:00.000-07:002010-10-25T21:03:51.474-07:00Living the Exposed Life - May Contain Pornographic Images of Sorts...NSFWContrary to what the title of today's blog may indicate, I have not turned into a nudist since my last post. Instead, being the bad, bad blogger that I am (having not updated in nearly two months), I've been so enthralled with the process of finding a home, buying a home, and then moving into said home, that the art of blogging has been lost on me. Let me destroy your hopeful dreams right now Lyndseynoreply@blogger.com0