Watch them and learn

Contrary to expectations, the 'glamour brigade' of the BJP believes that their colleagues in Karnataka, who were caught watching pornographic videos in the assembly on Tuesday, could be national assets:

Contrary to expectations, the 'glamour brigade' of the BJP believes that their colleagues in Karnataka, who were caught watching pornographic videos in the assembly on Tuesday, could be national assets:

Hema Malini: No one’s looking at the positive side of our porngate ‘heroes’, ministers, Krishna Palemar, Lakshman Savadi and CC Patil. The nation can learn a lot from them.

Kiron Kher: What is the big deal in watching a video clip in the assembly? How do we know it was pornography? We should be broad-minded. And we know how boring assembly proceedings can get. Sometimes, we watch gang rapes in movies. But our films are so superficial. But now that the ministers have watched a ‘real’ gang rape video, or so they say, they will be able to propose workable measures to tackle the menace.

Smriti Irani: All three minister have said that they did not commit any mistake and that they have resigned on their own, for the sake of the party’s prestige. This is indeed a noble gesture, not often seen these days.

Hema: Cometh the hour, cometh the Man. That is how I would describe Savadi. He had the power switched off in his constituency, bought copies of all newspapers and saw to it that cable TV was cut off so that nobody was bothered by the trivial news story. I admired the manner in which he handled this emergency. When the BJP comes to power at the Centre in 2014, Savadi would be my pick for the post of defence minister. The nation will be safe in his hands.

Shaina NC: I agree. The nation should confer on them awards like Porn Ratna, Porn Vibhushan and Porn Bhushan.

Kiron: Karnataka should progress in tourism and for that the state must have more ‘Rave Parties’, which will attract more tourists and generate revenue. For this, ministers must know what rave parties are all about. The video clip showed details of one such party. It is part of their work, don’t you see? Do we want BJP-ruled Karnataka to lag behind Goa and Kerala in tourism? The clip, according to my sources, showed details of St Mary’s Island music festival-cum-rave party, which attracted quite a few foreigners. We should not bother over some itsy-bitsy nudity, free sex and drug taking. After all, we are living in the 21st century.

Hema: The BJP should make use of the special talents of these ministers. As a film star, I suggest that they should be roped in as special members of the Censor Board. The extensive knowledge that they have gained by watching the video clip will help them judge sensitive foreign films.

Shaina: A brilliant suggestion. Any films on your mind, Hemaji?

Hema: Well, there is the controversial film The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, an international box office hit, but banned in India. Of course, it has some sex scenes, which haven’t gone down well with the members of our Censor Board. I am sure the Karnataka ministers would be in a better position to judge this film.

Kiron: We should raise the issue with our party high command and in Parliament. How can we allow such natural talent to go waste?

Hema: The BJP never does anything wrong. Whatever it does is in national interest. We must defend the three ministers and take steps for their immediate rehabilitation.

Kiron: Hail to the BJP Star Power!

V Gangadhar is a Mumbai-based writer. The views expressed by the author are personal.