Leela: "I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste!"Bender: "Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime-green tank top."Fry: "Bam!"
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Man: "Psst, you want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap, ready for transplant."Fry: "Ooh, what's this?"Man: "Ah, is x-ray eye. See through anything."Fry: "Wait a minute, this says z-ray."Man: "Z is just as good! In fact is better, is two more than x!"
(download 46kb)

Fry: "Now that you mention it, I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills."Man: "Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right?"Fry: "Can't imagine why I would."Man: "Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week."
(download 43kb)

Professor: "Good news, everyone."Bender: "Uh oh. I don't like the sound of that."Professor: "You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol."Bender: "Here it comes."Professor: "A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone."Bender: "Thank you, and goodnight."Leela: "Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the Forbidden Zone?"Professor: "Why, of course! It's just a name, like the Death Zone or the Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror."Leela: "Uh, Professor..."Professor: "Off you go! Pleasant trip!"
(download 93kb)

Fry: "Egh, that's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted! And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt!"Amy: "Bender, is this salt water?"Bender: "It's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean."Fry: "My vision's fading, I think I'm gonna die!"Bender: "There was nothing wrong with that food! The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose."
(download 66kb)

Leela: "So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything, you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid? It could've been poisonous acid!"Fry: "It could've been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor."
(download 33kb)

Alien: "This is your majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort."Fry: "Uh, how bout that one?"Alien: "Oh, I didn't realize your majesty was into that sort of thing."Fry: "Uh...on second thought, I'll take that one!"Alien: "Hey! Whatever you say, I'm not here to pass judgment."
(download 53kb)

Leela: "Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished?"Fry: "You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right?"
(download 43kb)

Fry: "There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches, will there?"Alien: "Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath. By you."Fry: "Will there be cake?"
(download 34kb)

Leela: "Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was?"Fry: "Uh, eighty thousand years?"Leela: "No, one week."Fry: "Damn! I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low."
(download 33kb)

Fry: "It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched tv. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns! And also, he got a racecar! Is any of this getting through to you?"
(download 59kb)

Alien: "Long live Fry the Solid!" *cheers*Bender: "Hey look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor."
(download 46kb)

Zoidberg: "Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge, separating out the denser fluid of his highness."Fry: "But won't that crush my bones?"Zoidberg: "Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.
(download 40kb)

Emperor: "As emperor I refuse to be dripped out from somebody's armpit."Fry: "I could vomit or urinate, would you feel better about that?"Emperor: "Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing."Amy: "What about crying?"Fry: "That's a great idea. Crying!"Emperor: "Fine. That or the bone one."
(download 46kb)

Fry: "It's no use. I wanna cry, but I'm just too macho."Bender: "I'll make you cry, buddy. *ahem* You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything!"Fry: "Whaddaya mean? I was emperor of a whole planet."Bender: "Good point....but here's a disturbing reminder. Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead!"Fry: "These things happen."Bender: "Grr...ok, Fry. Grab a kleenex for this one...cause there's no God and your idiotic human ideals are laughable! Hahahaha!"Fry: "Phew! That's a load off my mind."
(download 110kb)

Voice: "Collect call from..."Bender: "I'm not giving my name to a machine!"Leela: "I'll accept."Bender: "Fry's in trouble and he needs help! Now I don't like you, and you don't like me..."Leela: "I like you!"Bender: "You do? Uh, look, are you gonna help or not?"Leela: "I don't know why I should, I mean, after what he..."Bender: "Wait, wait wait wait wait. What is it you like best about me?"
(download 66kb)

Bender: "Perhaps I'll look out this window. Ah, dear God in heaven, they're swarming all over her!"Fry: "No, no!"Amy: "What are you talking about, Bender? She's mmmph..."Bender: "They're strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. Awww..."Fry: *gasp* "This can't be happening!"Bender: "It can, and for all you know it is!"
(download 76kb)

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