Letters I'll Never Send

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Why am I still in love with you?? We only saw each other a few weeks, but when I was with you I never wanted to leave. I never wanted to make an excuse to leave you, if I didn’t have homework I would want to see you everyday. Now when I think back, I chickened out a few times of meeting up with you before events and I wish I had gone because every moment with you I could never stop smiling. From the night I met you I was drawn to you, I could tell that you were a flirt but so was I so we fit. The next time I saw you I knew you were what I wanted, I can remember the moment I started falling for you. You were playing the guitar to Laura and Amanda and that is when I knew I would never forget you. I would never forget your smile, the way you looked at me, and the way you held my hand. We walked to the party holding hands and then Breanna went after you and at this point no girl was going to get my man. When we first started kissing on the back of the car I knew I would never find a guy with the connection we had. A few days later we wanted to get together but then you got sick and then when Breakfast Dinner came around everyone could see the tension between us, everyone could tell what was going on. That night we didn’t kiss but when you held my hand under that blanket I was in heaven. Even though it was just a hand, for some reason it was so much more then that. Then there was laser tag, we won prizes, shot each other on the other team and hung out later that night. Our make out session was the hottest and steamiest session I have ever had and nothing will compare to it. Then you walked me home with a kiss at the front door promising me to send a picture of the beach when you arrived. When I walked in my room that night I jumped up and down up and down with excitement because I could not believe I found the perfect man for me. Sure enough a few days later he sent me the picture of the beach and I sent him one too and then the story ends. Yes, it was only about one month but that month was one of the best months of my life. I wouldn’t change a thing because believe it or not, I fell in love with you. I didn’t believe it then but looking back now, it is true and it still is. Now there is this new guy in my life that likes me a lot and I like him too. But he isn’t you. We don’t have that tension that we had. I don’t have that excitement jump up and down like we have. I don’t have that butterflies in my stomach when I get a text like I got with you. But he is a nice guy, we have the same morals and values and who knows maybe the connection him and I have will be even stronger then ours but right now it is very difficult for me to move forward. I miss you and always will. I love you and always will. I am not quite ready to move on but I think I will be soon. And when that happens that means I have to forget about you. And that scares me, I don’t want to forget about you, I love you, but I know you aren’t coming back to me and I need to accept it. I need to, I don’t want to but I have to. I can’t keep waiting for you to come back. And if it is meant to be, it will happen eventually. And in all honesty I just wish you were here.