Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Quote to reference

I have a feeling that I should post this quote here so I can refer back to it over the upcoming years! A lot! It is from an adoptive mother/author/blogger (Jen Hatmaker) on the adoption process:

"On
the excruciating wait/delays: Oh my, I can speak to this. First,
forget whatever timeline you were given at the beginning. Forget you
ever heard that. Put that in the trash can. Adoption will change,
shift, slow down, hit snags, be weird, be difficult, take longer than
you think, take longer than you can stand. This will happen. This is
the normal thing. When someone gives you a timeline, say, "Thank you
for that cute little sentence. Flush." Potential adopters, let me tell
you this: Get your "YES" straight at the very beginning. Decide on
it. Roll around in it. Put it on the table and shellack it. Because
you cannot let every delay and snag derail your certainty about
adoption. When you say YES, you are saying YES to enter the suffering
of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO
THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES
to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to
the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES
to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay.
Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you
heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. Every adoption has
snags. We Americans invented the "show me a sign" or "this is a sign"
or "this must mean God is closing a door" or "God must not be in this
because this is hard," but all that is garbage. You know what's hard?
Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them,
fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage
and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will. " - Jen
Hatmaker

I love so many different aspects of this quote. It just grabs hold of me each time that I read it. Although I must interject that I don't exactly believe that Americans invented the "show me a sign" or "this is a sign" thing...I'm pretty sure that's been around for thousands of years...but I do think it is a lot of people's crutch! I do agree that it will be more productive when I'm struggling to remember that indeed her suffering (and of course that of our daughter's family also) is greater than our own.

And the part about getting our "yes" straight at the beginning...I received advice similar to that from Brandi. She was the caseworker who had the heart to heart conversation with me while I sat on the Target store's floor (the night before leaving for Europe). She explained that there would be more snags, hangups, and unexpected things to come and that if I let every one of them question whether we should be proceeding with the adoption or if the program was in danger of closing...that we wouldn't make it. It would be too much on me, and too much on our family. I was overcome as she told me that and I knew she was right. As Mark and I talked about things over the following days - we got our "yes" straight. I may not like the way things play out over our journey, and as Jen Hatmaker says I "may cry and rage and scream in the process"...but amidst that I will know that we're doing the right thing and is part of that "yes"! Not too different from the "yes" I said when Mark and I were married. It wasn't a "yes...as long as it doesn't get too hard" it was a "yes even WHEN things are hard"!

I also love the part of the quote that says, "Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you heard God wrong." That rang so true for me...there are times where I can face difficulty, change, frustration when it is out of my control...but if it results after something I chose prayerfully, I do tend to doubt that I heard right. Not that God had it wrong, but that I heard Him wrong. Because of that I am grateful I have had cause to stop and really re-consider whether to move forward with this adoption so early in our process. I knew it was for sure what I wanted, but I struggled with knowing it was right for our family and committing to that "yes". Because of our wrestle with that, we now we have that "yes" straight and it's a matter of relying on Him and one another to stick things out, and to remember that it's not about us - it's about her.

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About Me

We live back in Utah now where I am lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom and Mark is a foot/ankle doc. We have been blessed with three beautiful boys...one through adoption, and two through in-vitro fertilization. Every child is a miracle, but that is our story...and this blog is about us awaiting our next miracle as we journey through the process of international adoption. Feel free to follow us through the ups and downs (one miracle at a time)!

Our Adoption Timeline

International adoption has had a place in my heart since I was very young. In the fall of 2000 Mark and I had a sincere heart to heart about that (before getting engaged) and agreed that was something we were committed to wanting to do together when the time was right. At the time we were leaning toward an adoption from Asia (likely China).

3/2006 After an unexpected several year struggle with infertility we adopted our first son (domestically).

8/2006 We began paperwork to adopt from Haiti (through West Sands Adoptions) until we were presented with an offer for a paid IVF cycle, which worked and we became pregnant with our 2nd son. Later we used our remaining frozen embryos for a final IVF cycle, which resulted in our 3rd son.

12/2010 Haiti was dealing with the aftermath of its big earthquake earlier that year & starting an adoption at that time would be difficult. We started looking more seriously into different adoption programs in Africa.

2/2011 Honed in on adoption from Ethiopia and began researching agencies.

2/24/11 Webinar we scheduled with AGCI was cancelled and I decided (other than adoption blog browsing and web research), that we would shelf things and focus on our little guys until we felt it was time to pursue this.

3/11 Big changes happened within the Ethiopian government regarding adoption, and I became nervous about the slowdown with processing of Ethiopian adoptions and what that would mean down the road for us.

9/12 Felt strong tugging at my heartstrings again. Started researching adoption programs again and always came back to Ethiopia and AGCI.

10/3/12 Submitted preliminary application for Ethiopia program to AGCI!

10/5/12 AGCI requested further info to process prior to submitting our official application and fee (which we provided).

10/8/12 We were given the green light to submit our official application!

10/12/12 Send a huge list of detailed questions (in addition to those our kind coordinator had already answered) about the agency - we needed these questions answered before proceeding.

10/19/12 Received email back with detailed answers to questions, but also a request to contact them before submitting an official application (which made me nervous).

11/21/12 After reading responses from AGCI and lots more research on my part I called AGCI back and left message.

12/14/12 Finally heard back from AGCI (after 2 voicemails and emails) and they apologized that they had been backed up due to an unexpected increase in contacts after some positive media exposure (a bit on Extreme Home Makeover)...BUT they told me that although their agency was fine with approving us that they didn't think that USCIS (immigration) would clear us due to our excessive student loan debt. If that was the case we were not only not candidates for this agency or program, but for international adoption at all. I was devastated...for a few hours, and then I got on message boards and phone calls. I searched the USCIS website and called them and they said that it is based on debt/income ratio and is case by case (no $50,000 limit as had been explained to me). I also made contact with other physician families online that had $200,000+ student loan debt like us who had recently adopted. I called AGCI back with this information.

12/28/12 Got call from AGCI that their director personally took a look at our profile and approved us to move forward. She looked into where that USCIS limit info came from and it was from a case one year ago where a family was denied at immigration for excessive student loan debt (100K, but they didn't have enough income to compensate for it) and at that time the general guideline of 50K was sited at that time, and taken as a set limit by that case worker. I hope that by this information being brought to the director's attention that other families wanting to adopt won't be turned away at the screening process like we were!

12/31/12 We turned in our official application and $300 fee to AGCI!

1/7/13 Dr. letter from my cardiologist requested from AGCI, as well as personal statement from me on my heart condition.

1/16/13 Took paperwork to cardiologist and also submitted my personal statement.

1/25/13 Cardiologist faxed in his letter giving me his green light. Now we just wait for approval from the social services department and our official acceptance into the program!

2/1/13 We were notified that we needed documentation of compliance with post-placement requirements from Noah's adoption before approval. This information was provided.

2/5/13 We are officially approved with AGCI!!

2/12/13 We completed our first mandatory conference call with AGCI.

5/16/13 Paperwork notarized!

5/20/13 Had one paper re-notarized (was done wrong) and we selected a new home study agency (WIAA) since our old one is closing.

5/28/13 Received update from our agency that our likely wait time has now increased by an additional 18 months (so, now 42 months from dossier to referral) - totaling an estimated wait time of 5 years now for the whole process :(

5/31/13 Had first phone call with our assigned caseworker, Brandi, (versus our inquiry coordinator)...and then we were re-assigned to caseworker named Toni 3 days later when it was announced that Brandi departed the agency.

6/25/13 Notarized finished paperwork for local agency (WIAA) to complete our home study.

11/19/13 Submitted new paperwork to USCIS (they sent everything back and needed an updated form) & turned in one revision required for dossier.

11/20/13 Finally got the call that as of today we are on the wait list!!!!! Today is our official dossier completion date that we will track on the wait list!

12/9/13 Received letters from Homeland Security with our assigned immigration fingerprinting appointment times (different than the FBI fingerprinting we already did) necessary to receive approval for our I600A.

1/29/14 Update was received the the government does not have intention of closing their adoption program. Yay!

2/11/14 Received frustrating update from AGCI that our estimated wait time has increased to 5-6 years from log in date to referral (so 6-7 years total wait including our initial paper chase). Our LID was 11/20/13. We are remaining faithful in the Lord and His timing.

11/12/14 Received information hinting that our agency will be closing the doors on our Ethiopian adoption.

11/14 AGCI closes it's traditional Ethiopia program, leaving only open applicants for older, severe special needs children. We are heartbroken and unsure where our adoption journey will lead us...

12/12/14 After lots of intense research and prayer we turned in our initial application to adopt from Haiti with Wasatch International Adoptions

4/7/15 Verified dossier and translation (into French) sent to Haitian consulate in Chicago today for further authentication! ($950 paid: $450 for authentication and $500 to pre-pay for courier costs to Haiti)

5/18/15 Received approval notice from USCIS!!!...but now we found an error in it.

5/26/15 Received the updated USCIS approval today!

5/29/15 Complete dossier mailed off to WIAA for review!

7/31/15 AGCI (prior agency with Ethiopian adoption) officially completely closes the remainder of their program for older child special needs adoptions.