The couple goes through fertility treatments and manages to get pregnant on the first try. Not only pregnant, pregnant with twins. Now let’s say that the couple publicly states that they didn’t want multiples and are scared, worried, and “pissed off.”

If you haven’t guessed, this happened. Albert Garland and his wife wrote matching essays stating they were unhappy with getting pregnant with twins… and the comments section exploded with outrage.

Many comments centered around the couple’s usage of in vitro fertilization. There is a much greater chance of having multiples using this fertilization method. The Garland family knew the risk and proceeded with the treatments. The general theme of the negative comments was, “you knew what you were getting into, suck it up and get ready for those kids.” Actually, they weren’t that nice.

Those people have a point, but I don’t understand the outrage. The guy didn’t say he was going to terminate one of the children. He didn’t say he was abandoning one. He just said he wasn’t excited about the prospect of having two babies at the same time. Should he have said it publicly?

If he can handle the criticism, why not? I think it is okay to admit that you are scared and aren’t looking forward to not sleeping for a few years. The couple already has a child and they know ropes around parenting; they formed opinions based on actual parental experiences (not just hearsay). This is where the Garland family is at the moment, it may not be joyous, but it certainly is honest.

Technology makes it easy for ideas to circulate and it also makes it easy to pile on to things we don’t like. In most cases, there is a person behind the keyboard, and in this case, this is a person who admitted that they were overwhelmed. Perhaps compassion (or at least understanding) could have been an alternate response. But then again, there is nothing like a swift kick in the pants to get somebody moving in the right direction.

What are your thoughts on Albert Garland’s reaction to having twins? Do you think the commenters were justified in their reaction or do Albert and his wife deserve some sympathy?

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I would totally feel the same way. With both of my (non-IVF) pregnancies, I kept joking that if I got pregnant with twins, I’d give one away. Obviously, I would not have done that, but I was very relieved when I found out both times that it was just one baby in there. While it’s true that IVF causes increased chances of multiples, these folks are obviously entitled to (express) their opinions, as long as they understand not everyone will sympathize, especially, I would assume, couples who have had fertility challenges.

Kerri

I understand being anxious about having twins, but not pissed off. They knew the risks and did it anyway.
My problem with these parents is that they chose to put this on the internet. Did they even consider that those children would be able to read that one day? They should have talked to someone, in person, instead of airing it online. But, since they did, they can deal with every comment they get, no matter how negative some of them are.

AS

I don’t really get the uproar. They are saying all of this as they are pregnant with the twins and not after having them. I would have crapped my pants if I were pregnant with twins, been very depressed, you name it. Every selfish thought in the book would have ran through my head and there would be no judgement to be passed, we are not entirely selfless beings only here to serve our children. I am certain that if you ask these parents in a few years, they will consider this one of their biggest blessings and I am sure the children will understand that if they ever come across this article.

HOWEVER, I can’t sympathize with this couple. Not because they are not excited about the twins, but because they went through a procedure that INCREASES your chances for twins and knowing this, they did not work through their feelings on this subject. If they thought that twins would be too much, they should have not allowed two embryos to be implanted. They come across as really whiny and not very well thought out to me.

Chelsea

What bothers me about this couple is that they chose to put back two embryos during their IVF cycle. Yes, putting back two embryos can increase your chances of success, but it also has a MUCH higher rate of resulting in twins. They should have accepted that when they made the decision to transfer two. I’d have more sympathy if they had transferred one embryo and it split into identical twins, but still not much – whether you’re having a baby the old fashioned way or through ART, so much is out of your hands. If you’re not ready for whatever roll of the dice nature wants to give you (and yes, nature is still involved in ART), then you should rethink moving forward.

Signed, Currently Pregnant with IVF Twns

Ellie

Having twins myself, I think the uproar is about the fact that they are saying it’s a bad thing to have twins. Personally, I can’t imagine having just one. It’s a blessing to us and to hear someone else in similar shoes to ours saying how mad they are about it somehow belittles our experiences. I personally couldn’t believe it when I first read it. Who would be so brazen to talk like that in a public forum that their kids may see when they get older!!! It’s like that Jodi Picoult book where the parents sued the doctor for wrongful birth… how can you say that around your kid (where the kid can eventually find it).

Just a thought 😉

Kerri

Ellie, what is the title of the Jodi Picoult book?

nicole

I felt the same way when I used fertility treatments (not ivf) that had a high risk of multiples. I had already been through those rough newborn months with my first kid. I totally sympathize with these folks. I know what it’s like to face the prospect of being childless but it’s also really difficult and expensive to have twins.

Sarah

Im just going to skip the dilemma of twins and outrage….but anyone else notice he pointed out ” Did I mention we live in a one bedroom apartment”?

If its an issue that him, his wife and already one son live in a one bedroom apartment why wouldn’t they work on a new living situation before spending tons of money on fertility. He also mentioned that they were hoping for a girl. Most states require that at a certain age boys and girls no longer share a bedroom. So were would they all sleep?
I read the wife’s essay too and hers seemed more out of guilt and not complete anger and rudeness and she even mentioned that she is in therapy.

Jak

Kerri, I’m pretty sure the book she’s referring to is “Handle With Care”

Danielle A

They are probably just scared and have little understanding of the reality of Internet comments.

Sharon

If you absolutely want one baby, you adopt. Period.
If you are willing to take what can happen in life, you wait and discover what your womb holds. Come on folks, identical twins don’t even require a genetic background; they just happen. Surprise! If you were never willing to accept the surprises life can handle you, remember that only adoption allows you the option to “put one back”.
That said, parenting itself will be full of surprises, even if you adopt. If you want life to be easy and contained, get an aquarium and raise fish!

I would gladly adopt that whining man’s twins from him and his unstable wife, in spite of life’s surprises. I happen to like kids, even if it means the bedrooms are crowded.

Liz D.

I think it’s because the guy didn’t say he was anxious, he said he was pissed. The mom said she felt like she’d ruined her family. These are pretty harsh things to say! I took Clomid ONCE and got pregnant with quadruplets (can we say totally unexpected?). I went through a whole lot of anxiety and fear but I didn’t have that anger that they’re talking about. I had never planned to have four kids but I never thought this “ruined my family”. This IS my family — I play the hand I’m dealt (especially after stacking the deck, so to speak, with the Clomid — even if it was only one round at the lowest dosage). Incidentally my kids are 14 months now and doing great.

Sandra

Have to second every else’s comments. Anxious? Totally understandable. Nervous? Who wouldn’t be? Pissed off. Nope. thumbs down. Unless you mean, pissed off at yourself who CHOSE to implant 2 emrbyos. Sounds like a pretty poorly-thought through plan from the start, if they felt this way. Hopefully they will still make good parents.

Mostly I am tired of the world that seems to need to be convinced that children are a blessing. Man are we a selfish, ugly generation if we need to be convinced of that. Children are the WORLD’S blessing and no one can convince me otherwise. Step up or find an adoptive family for them that will shower them with the love they deserve. ugh.

p.s. Way to go Liz D for those quadruplets!!

Lauren

I think that feelings are something that can sometimes be out of our control. To feel upset about having twins when that is not what they wanted is understandable. What bothers me is the writing about it. What happens when your precious boys get older and read about how mommy and daddy felt about them? Knowing that their parents were “pissed” to have them both will probably be devastating. Some things are better kept inside and dealt with without putting it out there for the whole world to see and where it could eventually hurt your kids.

Jeanine

I could never be pissed at being pregnant. Right now I have 4 year old and a 12 week old. If I got pregnant right now I would be scared, worried, and depressed for a wile. (not because of having a baby, but because I don’t want them that close in age.) But I would not be pissed.

Kerri

Thank you, Jak.
I noticed the same thing, Sarah.

MK

I think some of what people are so put off by is just this guy’s choice of words. Lots of people say lots of things in the heat of the moment. And while I’d agree they don’t seem to have properly worked through all the eventualities of their actions, I’m willing to bet they will love their children and do right by them once they come. I’d agree totally with #14 that it’s the putting pen to paper so to speak on this that is so bothersome. If you are going to be super honest about anything you write down, you’d better assume that your kids will get a hold of it one day and you’d better be OK with that. If you really just needed a minute to vent and get it out of your system, probably grabbing dinner with a good friend would have been a better option (even if you don’t get paid for that).

Earlier this year, I would have felt disgust about this situation. But I have a different side now. I have always wanted multiple children, and have a daughter that is nearly 2 now. I was on birth control and became pregnant. I have not and don’t plan on ever telling my partner but I was so upset to be pregnant. I was angry, and I am still not too excited. I have come a long way in the past 3 months but to have an idea of what you want for your life and a plan and for all of that to change it is difficult. I know as the birth of our child gets closer I will become more excited, but I am scared. I feel like I am not ready for baby #2 already. I haven’t read their essays but perhaps this is part of their feelings too. I am not saying it’s right, and perhaps they should have done some more thinking and talking about multiples, because it is such a great risk with IVF, and should have better prepared themselves for this situation. I feel guilty for my feelings but I get it.

Somebody’s Mommy

This article doesn’t seem entirely fair. I wish the blogger had mentioned all of the pregnancy problems the wife was dealing with, the therapy the family is going through.

More to the point, WHY do babycenter bloggers continue to encourage judging other mom’s, other families? I came to babycenter for support and answers, not finger pointing and name calling.

I know how you feel. I hate mean trolls. They would say things on here that they would never say in public, the cowards. These same people smile in your face while talking behind your back, and they seldom read the whole story before making their judgement.
I was scared i was having twins as well but if i was younger IVF may have been something to try. But this pregnancy was a pleasant surprise. good luck to the parents of twins. Im sure they will realize their are more blessings they cant see, for instance, twins, like brothers and sisters will keep each other busy. they can share a playpen, not sure about crib, but they do have double strollers, they will grow up learning how to share, be more socially adept.

Sharon, adoption isnt THE answer, fyi
and Sandra, if its okay for you to express anger then these grown adults can do the same thing. You cant blame someone for the way they feel period. What are you people? the feelings police? Get over it and go watch your favorite episode of Jersey Shore.
and Jeanie dear, your scared, worried and depressed is better then them simply being “pissed”.
Have you people gone crazy? what is wrong with a lil anger, im not saying abusive here people, just miffed? I will bet all of you when you get out in traffic get pissed on a daily basis. Or when your show gets cancelled. or when your colleague gets the job instead of you.

HappyHippie

If I had gotten the news I was pregnant with twins for my first pregnancy, I would have been thrilled. Twins run in my family and I secretly wanted to hear that double heartbeat at the OB’s office. No go..we ended up with a beautiful singleton.

Then I got pregnant with twins. And we were very upset. Yes, we would love these babies, but still…huge smack of reality upside the head. Our oldest was a very difficult baby and that first year was so much harder than I had ever imagined. I just didn’t see how we could manage twins with a toddler. I ended up losing both babies and I mourn them to this day…but I do totally understand the panic and fear that come with the announcement of twins, especially with a second pregnancy.

Sarah

Honestly, why be pissed? Why not just get a reduction and get it over with? I don’t understand how it’s something to be “pissed” over.

Kristina

I have twins, but it was a spontaneous and unprecedented event in our families. I do not have to live with the knowledge that I chose to allow two embryos to be embedded in my uterus even though I knew I did not want twins, like this couple. That must be hard. And also in her defense, a twin pregnancy is so much harder (even when it is going smoothly)than a singleton pregnancy.

I remember feeling scared out of my wits at times. I remember feeling overwhelmed and confused. I remember wondering why I had been selected for this. I remember feeling concerned about having enough money.

I don’t remember feeling “pissed” like he says or like I “ruined my family” like she talks about. I may have felt those feelings for an instant, but i don’t remember it today because I didn’t dwell on them. The only option – the way I saw it – was to carry on and do what had to be done.

So I will spare them the sentiments that they don’t want to hear about how great it is to have twins (though in many ways it is), because it also is a lot of hard work. I might have thrown in the towel if I had been nursing the feeling of being pissed off about my lot in life the whole time. So here is my only piece of advice, “Less Feeling and More Doing.” That and and to find
something, no matter how small, to be grateful for each day.

Jeff

I am a father to beautiful twin 22 month old girls. They are truly a blessing. Yes, at first I was petrified. I heard stories from other parents with just ONE baby and I was about to have two! If any of you mothers can remember those days when you just felt so exhausted and tired and even fed up to the point you just wanted to throw your hands up( don’t lie I know that is every one of you) imagine that times two! Then imagine doing it alone every other month! Since I am in the Army and constantly travel the globe. It’s been an interesting ride thus far and I love every minute of it. And yes I am scared to go through another pregnancy and would be a little “upset” if I had a hockey team in two pregnancies but that is life. When I see a couple struggling with a single child I look at my wife and smile and say…. Amateurs… I think if we did have another and it was a single child it would be too easy and we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves. Shout out to my beautiful wife, my two girls, you three are my world and Daddy loves you… Be home soon x’s and o’s

Sandra

Hmm. I think what was hardest for me about the wife’s post was the “when will things go my way?” part. I worked for the US AID in Iraq. Before you bemoan your “situation” (which I absolutely consider to be a wonderful blessing) I think they need a reality check with the way the other half is living. I gave aid to a child whose head was lit on fire by insurgents. I saw children who had lost four, FOUR little limbs. I passed our formula to mothers having their 8th child in a bombed out cement building in Iraq, who owned essentially nothing and had no idea how they were going to feed their 8 children through the winter. “When is anything going to go my way??” I admit, I cringed when I read that. Are you a sex slave living in a hole in Thailand? Do you have four limbs that work? Are you suffering from excruciating late stage pancreatic cancer? Then I guess things are going your way decently well. You will be able to handle this challenge. Depression can definitely not allow you to see things clearly. I think that is what is happening in the case of at least the mom.

Honestly, I think volunteering a bit in a cancer ward would do them good. A little perspective. It sounds like an unsound philosophy of life (“everything happens for a reason”) isn’t helping either. Life is not for the faint of heart and for that matter, neither is parenting. Horrors, not simply difficulties, happen every day, around the world. Get up, gear up and carry on. I wish them and all their sons well.

http://expatcatlife.blogspot.com Jules

IDK, I can see where he’s coming from: I wasn’t exactly thrilled to discover I was pregnant with our kidlet, either. But after we recovered from the shock, we buckled down, got our heads together, and became parents. Don’t get me wrong–I love our kidlet, and I am a fairly good mom to him, but I do sometimes think about how our lives would have been had he not come along. It’s not regret, not exactly–he brings me so much joy that to actually regret having him would be terrible–but rather an acknowledgement of what I’m giving up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with admitting you’re not thrilled with having kids. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having an abortion if you REALLY, for whatever reason, don’t want one. But I do think that, if you’re going to become a parent, you have to be committed, even more so than you are to being married. You don’t have to be thrilled about it, you just have to do it. And there’s nothing wrong with doing things because you have to.

Shan

People these days want what they want when they want it and exactly how they want it. Sadly, children are no exception to this.

http://RVGF96 Fomby

Honestly…. you wanna express your self.. get a diary. see a counselor.. scream into a pillow.. key thing is watch what you say. think before you speak. cuz even though u didnt mean it that way you cant take it back. those unborn children and the child they already have can feel how they feel. and if they continue they may take it as being unwanted. Just watch what you say. take from it what you can and move on.

Danyell

Bullshit!! Any person going thru invitro knows the risks and accepts them. If they weren’t ready or prepared to hear that, they shouldn’t have been doing it!!! This pisses me off. I’ve done ivf, iui, and all the other treatments for 6 yrs trying to get pregnant and failed EVERYTIME. What I wouldn’t do to just hear, “you’re pregnant” one time!! Triplets, twins or just one. It’s a blessing!!!! Being overwhelmed- of course it’s a big life change. But upset? Even pissed about it??? Screw you. Poor poor morons who did invitro and got two babies………..wah!

Regina

We had been trying to conceive for 5 ys, when our second IVF was successful. I was dreaming about having twins, so that we’d never have to go through any treatment again to have siblings to the first born. And we both were in seventh heaven when we learned we’d have twins! A REAL blessing. I was of course frightened in the beginning and full of doubts whether we’d manage, but never thought of moaning about having twins. And they were 20 months old when I got pregnant with our third baby in a natural way! We live in a very small, two bedroom flat, and I’m the happiest person in the world.

jeni

my husband had a similar reaction. we didn’t use any conception aids, or ivf, but he was PISSED when i called him after my first appointment, to tell him, guess what, 2 heartbeats!

i was super excited.

he ONLY wanted 2 kids, and we already have a 2 yr old.
hes ok now, and even in my excitement, i understood his anger was mostly aprehension, how will we handle this, how will dd handle this, will it cost a lot, what if they are born early and end up in nicu, etc.

they arent due for a few months yet, but he has adjusted to the idea, and im still totally fine with it.

honestly, id have to feel bad for the people in the article. sometimes there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and noone should be attacked for being upset about ANYTHING in their personal life.

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