Hi, Chipped,
Yes I think what she was doing was abusive. She was intentionally managing you down and enhancing your cognitive dissonance, knowing that if you began to doubt yourself you would become more reliant on her. Its a type of brainwashing. She must fall into an ASPD spectrum somewhere. I don’t think that a person with empathy would knowingly do something like that to another person. Maybe in her mind it makes perfect sense. You aren’t fitting into her fantasy world so you (not her) must be damaged. And maybe she hides behind her mask so well other people can’t see and that’s why you don’t aren’t feeling validated by your family. I think that’s a rotten part of being with someone with ASPD. Everyone else thinks they are so great and you feel like you have to go on the war path to prove their cruelty. I wish for you strength and happiness.