Part one

Sherlock Holmes did not like aimless physical exercise, but one spring day Ipersuaded him to go for a walk with me in the park. We walked for two hours, andit was almost five when we returned to Baker Street.'I beg your pardon, sir,' said our page-boy, as we entered, 'there was a manwaiting for you. He was a very restless gentleman. He walked all around the roomsaying, "Isn't Mr Holmes going to return?" Finally he left.''You see,' Holmes said to me, 'I needed a case, and now I have lost this onebecause we went for a walk in the park.''Hullo! That's not your pipe on the table. Well, that man must have a very bigproblem because he left his pipe. It is obvious that he likes this particular pipe verymuch.''How do you know that he likes it very much?' I asked.'Well,' explained Holmes, 'I think this pipe costs around seven-and-sixpence.Now. look it has been mended twice with silver bands that probably cost more thanthe pipe itself. So, this man must like his pipe very much if he prefers to mend itinstead of buying a new one with the same money.'Just then, as Holmes was talking, we heard someone walking up the stairs,and then a man walked into the room without knocking.'I beg your pardon,' said the man, 'I should have knocked, but I am veryupset, and I need help.'The man then took off his hat, and sat down on a chair.'My dear Mr Grant Munro...' began Holmes.Our visitor jumped from his chair. 'What!' he cried. 'You know my name?''If you want to preserve your incognito,' said Holmes smiling, 'then youshould not write your name on the inside of your hat, or else you should turn theinside of your hat away from the person whom you are addressing.''Anyway, my friend and I have heard many strange secrets in this room, andwe have had the fortune to help many people. Please tell us the facts of your case.''The facts are these, Mr Holmes,' he said. 'I have been married for threeyears, and my wife and I were very happy until last Monday. Suddenly a barrierappeared between us, and she has become like a stranger to me. I want to knowwhy. But, Mr Holmes, I am sure that my wife loves me.''Please let me have the facts, Mr Munro,' said Holmes, with someimpatience.'Effie, my wife was a young widow only twenty-five years old, when I mether. Her name then was Mrs Hebron. She went to America when she was veryyoung and lived in the town of Atlanta, where she married a man called Hebronwho was a lawyer. They had one child, but there was a yellow fever epidemic

there, and both her husband and child died of it. I have seen his death certificate.After this tragedy, she decided to leave America, and come back to England to livewith her aunt.'I should also mention that her husband left her a large amount of money.This money was invested, and she can live very well with the income from it. Shemet me after six months in England. We fell in love with each other, and wemarried a few weeks afterwards.'I am a hop merchant, and I, too, have a good income. We rented a nicehouse in the country near Norbury. There is an inn and two houses near our house,and a single cottage across the field in front of our house. Until this recent incidentmy wife and I lived very happily there.'There is one more thing I should tell you. When we married, my wife put allher money in my name. I did not think this was a good idea, but she insisted. Well,about six weeks ago she came and asked me for some.'"Jack," she said, "when you took my money you said that if I ever wantedsome, I should just ask you."'"Certainly," I said, "it's your money. How much do you want?"'"One hundred pounds," I she said.'"What for?" I asked, very surprised by the large amount.'"Oh," she said playfully, "you said that you were only my banker, andbankers never ask questions, you know."'I was not happy about this because this was the first time that there was asecret between us. I gave her the cheque, and forgot about the matter. It may havenothing to do with what happened afterwards, but I thought that I should mentionit.'Anyway, I told you that there is a cottage near our house. Well, I likewalking past that cottage, and last Monday, as I walked past the cott age I saw anempty van going away from the cottage, and furniture in front of the cottage.Someone was finally going to live there.'I was looking at the cottage, when suddenly I saw a face watching me froman upper window. There was something strange about the face, Mr Holmes, thatfrightened me. I was not very near, but there was something unnatural and inhumanabout the face. It was yellow and rigid. I walked closer to the house, but the facesuddenly disappeared.'Then I went to the door and knocked. A tall woman answered the door. Itold her that I was her neighbour, and asked her if she needed any help.'"If we need any help, we'll call you," she said and shut the door in my face.'That night I did not tell my wife about the strange face and the rude woman,but I did tell her that people were now living in the cottage.'That same night something strange happened! In the middle of the night,

when I was not completely asleep, I became aware that my wife was dressed andwas leaving the room. She looked very frightened and nervous. I waited for abouttwenty minutes, and then she returned.'"Where have you been, Effie?" I asked as she entered. She moved backquickly with fright.'"Are you awake, Jack?" she cried with a nervous laugh. She told me that shehad wanted some fresh air, but I did not believe her. What was my wife hidingfrom me?'The next day I had to go to the City, but I was so worried about my wife thatI returned early to Norbury at about one o'clock. Walking home I went past thecottage. I stopped for a minute in front of it to look for that strange face. As I stoodthere, imagine my surprise, Mr Holmes, when the door suddenly opened and mywife walked out!'"Oh, Jack!" she said, "I came here to see if our new neighbours neededanything. Why are you looking at me like that? Are you angry with me?"'"So," I said, "this is where you went during the night?"'"What do you mean?" she cried.'"You came here. I am sure of it. Who are these people?"'"I have not been here before."'"I know you are not telling me the truth. I am going to enter the cottage anddiscover the truth!"'"Please, don't go in, Jack," she cried. "I promise that I will tell youeverything some day, but if you enter now, you will cause great sadness." Then sheheld me tightly, and I tried to push her off.'"Trust me, Jack!" she cried. "You will not be sorry. If you come home withme, all will be well. If you force your way into that cottage, our marriage isfinished.""I will trust you," I said, "if you promise never to come here again."'She was greatly relieved. Then as we started to leave, I looked up and therewas that yellow face watching us out of the upper window. What link could therebe between that creature and my wife?'After that everything went well, but one day I returned home early. Idiscovered that my wife had been to the cottage again, so I went to the cottage. Iwalked into the house and found no one, but upstairs I found a comfortable room,and on the mantelpiece stood a full-length photograph of my wife. I am sure thatour maid had warned them that I was arriving, and they all went away. That is whyI didn't find anyone there.'When I saw my wife again I told her that there could be no peace between usuntil she told me the truth. That was yesterday, Mr Holmes, and then I decided tocome and see you for help.'

After hearing this strange story, Holmes sat silent for a few minutes,thinking. Then he said, 'Are you sure that the yellow face was a man's face?''Each time I saw it,' he replied, 'I saw it from a distance, so I am not sure.''When did your wife ask you for the money?' asked Holmes.'Almost two months ago.''Have you ever seen a photograph of her first husband?''No, there was a great fire in Atlanta after her husband's death, and all herpapers were destroyed.''And yet she had a death certificate. Have you ever seen it?''Yes, she got a duplicate after the fire.''Have you ever met anyone who knew your wife in America?''No.''Has she ever talked about visiting America again?''No.''Has she ever received letters from there?''No, I don't think so.''Thank you,' concluded Holmes. 'Now, go back to Norbury, and when yousee that those people have returned to the cottage, call us. It will be easy to solvethis mystery.'

Part two

Then Mr Grant Munro left, and Holmes and I discussed the case. 'I am afraidthat this is a case of blackmail,' said Holmes.'And who is the blackmailer?' I asked.'Well, it must be that creature with the yellow face. Upon my word, Watson,there is something very attractive about that yellow face at the window, and Iwould not miss this case for worlds.''Have you got a theory?' I asked.'Yes,' Holmes replied, 'I think her first husband is in the cottage. This is whatI think happened: this woman was married in America. Her husband got a terribledisease. That is why he has that horrible yellow face. She ran away from him atlast, and came back to England, where she changed her name and started a new life.After three years of marriage, she feels safe again, but her first husband, or someunscrupulous woman attached to him, discovers where she lives. They write to herand tell her to send them a hundred pounds, or they will tell her new husbandeverything. When her husband tells her that someone is living in the cottage, she

knows that they are her blackmailers. In the middle of the night, while her husbandis sleeping, she decides to go to the cottage. That night she is not able to convinceher blackmailers to leave her alone, so she returns ihe next day. That was when herhusband saw her coming out of the house. She then promises her husband that shewill not return, but she wants to get rid of her blackmailers. She decides to goagain, and this time she brings a photograph, which they probably asked her for.Fortunately for her, her maid warns her that her husband is coming, and she and herblackmailers leave the house in time.'Now we can do nothing except wait for Mr Munro to call us, and then wewill see if my theory is correct.'We did not have to wait long. After tea we received a message from MrMunro saying, 'There are people in the house.'That night Holmes and I took a train to Norbury. Mr Munro was waiting forus at the station, and he took us to the cottage. When we arrived there, Holmesasked Mr Munro if he was sure he wanted to enter the cottage. Mr Munro said hewas sure and we went to the door of the cottage. As we approached the door, awoman suddenly appeared. It was Effie.'For God's sake, don't Jack!' she cried. 'Trust me!''I have trusted you too long, Effie!' he cried sternly. 'Let go of me! Myfriends and I are going to solve this mystery.'We rushed up the stairs to the lighted room. In one corner there was a desk,and at that desk there was a desk, and at that desk there appeared to be a little girl.Her face was turned away from us when we entered the room, but we couldsee she was wearing a red dress and long white gloves. She turned around to us,and I gave a cry of surprise and horror. Her face was the strangest yellow colourand it had absolutely no expression.A moment later the mystery was explained. Holmes, with a laugh, put hishand behind the ear of the little girl, and pulled off the mask, and there was a littlecoal-black girl. She laughed, and I laughed too, but Grant Munro stood staring withhis hand holding his throat.'My God!' he cried, 'what does this mean?''I will tell you everything,' cried his wife with a proud face. 'You have forcedme, and now we must both accept the situation. My husband died at Atlanta. Mychild survived.''Your child!' cried Grant Munro.She pulled out a locket, and inside the locket was the picture of a veryhandsome and intelligent man, but a man who was obviously of African descent.'This is John Hebron, of Atlanta,' said Mrs Munro, 'and he was a very nobleman. I cut myself off from my race to marry him, but I never regretted it for amoment. Unfortunately, our only child took after his people rather than mine. She

is very dark, but she is my dear little girl.' When the little girl heard these words,she ran to her mother.'I left her in America with a trusted servant,' Mrs Munro continued, 'becauseshe was not very healthy, but I never considered abandoning her. When I met youby chance and learned to love you, I was afraid to tell you about my child. I wasafraid to lose you. I kept her existence a secret from you for three years, but finallyI had to see my little girl. I sent the servant a hundred pounds, and told her to cometo this cottage. I took every possible precaution so that there would not be gossipabout a little black girl. That is why she wore that yellow mask.'You told me about her arrival in the cottage, and that night I had to see her,and that was the beginning of my troubles. And now, tonight, you know everything.What are you going to do about me and my child?'Mr Grant Munro did not say anything for two minutes, and his answer wasone of which I love to think. He lifted the little child, kissed her, and, with the littlegirl in his arms, he gave his other hand to his wife.'We can talk it over more comfortably at home,' he said. 'I am not a verygood man, Effie, but I think that I am better than you thought.'We all left the cottage together, and then Holmes and I returned to London.We did not say another word about the case until late that night at Holmes'house in Baker Street, just before Holmes went to bed.'Watson,' he said, 'if you should ever think that I am becoming too confidentin my powers, or that I am not working hard enough on a particular case, pleasewhisper "Norbury" in my ear, and I will be infinitely obliged to you.'**************************************Introduction to Arabic Music History and TheoryBy, Lord Robert Downey of ForfarRoachster@housefallenstar.comDisclaimer: I am a student of this art. The information contained here reflects myunderstanding at this point in my learning. Beware those that tell you This is theRIGHT way, for they have not studied enough to understand their ignorance. Oneof the things that draw me to this art is its complexity and depth. It is as complexand deep as the human soul it expresses. I will always be a student. I reserve theright to be corrected. If you have something that increases my understanding, orcorrects an incorrect conclusion, I beg of you to share with me. After class.(smile)

Introduction: in this class, we will briefly discuss the history of Arabic musicduring the SCA period, and will then discuss the basic principles of the resultantmusic theory this history developed. Much of the theory (if not all) is applicable toboth historical and contemporary Maqam based music, and should hopefully serveas a starting point for these studies.Section 1: HistoryHow much historical musical detail do we know about this music? The answer is, ALOT, and not enough. We have a great level of detail on the theory, artistry,performance styles, political intrigue, teachings, feuds, and lives of the famousmusicians of the early days. What we DONT have are musical scores per se.This, frankly, is a product of the kind of music upon which we are speaking. Thereis a form of period notation (which I have no idea how to read yet) but in otherdocumentation, there is evidence that a system of notation was used that allowedtrained musicians to replicate melodies and structures from letters sent by fellowmusicians. It is very important, however, to understand this music is based upon asystem of improvisation, not rote performance. In this section, we will attempt togive an overview of the historical highpoints to give you some structure forfurther study.I. The days of Idolatry. From known history, to 632 ADa. In period literature, the time before the emergence of Islam is knownas the time of Jahiliya. There seems to be several transliterations ofthis word, but it translates roughly as wrath, pride, impudence, andfanaticism. The social structure of pre-islamic Arab communities wasanchored in the ideas of tribal union. Music of this time period hasbeen classified by modern historians as the Qaynah school. It isnamed after the largest group of performers. They are known as theqiyan (plural form of Qaynah) Historically these were women trainedin music, poetry, dance, entertainment, and serving. One accounttranslated by Scholar Habib Hassan Touma sums up the averageQiyan. The tasks of the Qaynah was to entertain the guest with song,wine and eroticism. She poured wine while singing or while anotherQaynah made music. Her naked breasts were open to the glances ofguests, and she was also receptive to the more direct advances of hercustomers. These women were highly respected members of thecommunity. In some ways I see them as reminiscent of the orientalGeisha. (this might be a skewed view, however. More study isrequired) There were two dominant musical forms;

i. The singing of the Bedouin nomads. In the historical texts, they

are referred to in terms of simplicity and cultural Naivety. Therewere two Genres of this form. They were;1. The Huda: The name for the rousing songs of the cameldrivers. Its rhythm reminiscent of the camels steps.2. The Nasb: The general name given to the songs intonedby young Bedouins riding through the desert, and to thedirges sung by the women.ii. The songs of the Qaynah. Again, there were two general genresof this form. They were;1. The Sinad: Dealt with subjects of seriousness, dignity,fame, pride, and arrogance. They were composed in thelong classical Arabic poetic form. (Upon which, Icurrently have little understanding)2. The Hizaj: relatively simple songs intended only forentertainment and amusement. They were composed inthe short classical Arabic poetic form. (upon which,once again, I currently have little understanding)b. Beauty and elegance was the mark of the Qayan. (or at least the socialview of them) They were generally well off, and took great care to betastefully dressed and adorned in jewelry. There are many referencesto fragrances and perfumes surrounding them. Some Qiyan werepossessors of considerable fortune. The artistic musical forms createdduring this time had far reaching influence and can still be traced tothe poetical forms of Arabic music today.c. The Musical form of the Qayan was a purely Arabic form. This wasbefore the massive cross pollination of music and culture that occurredas a result of the military and ideological spread of Islam. In someways, it stayed unchanged even through the first three decades ofIslam, but soon began to change, as other cultures were assimilated.Thus began the time of the Ummayad Caliphs.II. The Ummayad Caliphat: Music began to change drastically during this time,in spite of the condemnation of several of the Caliphs of all thingsmusical. There was a great amount of cross pollination of older forms ofmusic from Persia, and music of Turkey, Libya, Egypt, Palestine,Phoenicia, Syria, and Iraq. This is the time where the music sensibilitiesand art forms began merging into the system we know today.a. With the wealth and prestige generated by the social and militaryassimilation, came also access to ancient legacies of the Greeks,Romans, Persians, Egyptians, Assyrians, and Babylonians. The study

for these ancient ideas and texts began in earnest, but would not cometo complete fruition just yet. With diversification of music also came anew group of performers to the musical landscape. These were knownas the Mukhannathun. (plural of Mukhannath)i. The Mukhannathun were male singers that emulated thebehavior and dress of women. There are some references tohomosexual tendencies in the historical texts, but it appears thatwas not necessarily universal. They were generally converts toIslam, and not necessarily of Arabic descent. In fact, most of thedocumented great male and female singers were Persians,Ethiopians, or Black Africans. A great melting pot of ideas andmusical artistry began stirring. A new musical tradition wasthereby created, and because of its originality, it flourished inthe court of the Caliph, (sometimes right under his nose) asmuch as the houses of Eros of the Qaynah. Schools wereformed, and a standardized musical theory began emergingthrough treatise, and teaching. The first was from the pen ofYunus al-Katib (d. 765) Sadly, we dont actually have a copy ofthis book, but it was so widely quoted in later texts, we have afair understanding of its contents. (bonus tidbit: the firstrecorded, and in many ways most influential Mukhannath wasAl-ghina al-mutqan. Just thought youd like to know. (smile))ii. With more diversity came more instruments, and a moresophisticated listener. The old forms were just as pleasant asnew emerging ones, so the performers of the day had to be wellversed in the language, poetical forms of the ancients,instruments, and many other disciplines. Acceptance from theCaliphat varied from abject hatred of music, to utter emersion.b. The singers of Hijaz, of this new school remained influential forseveral generations, until the start of the Abbasid era (750-1258) theremany great musical events during the time. They serve as a snapshotof the musical times, if you will.i. The famous female singer Jamilah (d. 720) owned great palacesin Madina. She would conduct massive concerts, showcasingthe musical excellence of the time. These were reported to begrandly lavish and exquisite. She would create pilgrimagesthat were staged very similarly to music festivals, and her guestswould dance and sing to music that was performed by largechoruses and instrumental ensembles. These ensembles arereported to have been comprised of several lute, flute, and drum

players. There were also Zither, Mizmar, and duff players

(primarily women)ii. This started a trend, and when an important person, or a Caliphwent on pilgrimage, they would emulate Jamilah, andeffectively create traveling musical pilgrimages. These eventsspread musical ideas and sensibilities to a broad spectrum ofsocial stratum.III. Tha Abbasid Caliphat: (750 1258)a. Many historians view this period as the Arabic Renaissance. Therewas an explosion of social, mathematical, theoretical, scientific, andmusical knowledge. Much of it fueled by the ideas of the ancientGreeks and Romans.i. In the ninth century, Abbasid Caliph al-Mamum created theBayt al-Hikmah, or House of wisdom. This concentrated effortto translate ancient texts created a massive flourishing ofculture, and ideas. Music would never be the sameii. Many treatises on music and theory were produced by theseearly scholars, Some of these ideas tried to quantify the oldermusical theoretical systems, some proposed new constructs. Butthere are two men who defined, and preserved all the musicality,and theory for the centuries to come. These were the definingyears in the creation of what we have come to know as maqammusic theory.b. There are two definitive root sources we have for all the informationwe know, from the times before the Qaynah, to the end of theAbbasid Caliphat. These two sources are held to be the best work oftheory and artistry even for todays modern study. They are:i. Kitab al-Musiqa al-Kabir (Grand book of music)1. This was written somewhere between 942-950 AD byAbu Nasr Muhammad ibn Muhammad ibn Tarkhan ibnAqzalagh al-Farabi. (more simply known as al-Faraby. Hewas so respected as a scholar that he is referred to in othersources as the second master, after Aristotle. (who wasconsidered the first. He was a meticulous, careful, andcomplete scholar and used methods of recording anddefining music that are even now being taught astechnique in ethnomusicological studies today.a. This book was the first systematic and completetreatise on music, it also includes many excerptsfrom much earlier works that have not survived. It

IV.

is, to this day, the definitive text on Arabic music

theory, and has yet to be superseded.b. There are four surviving copies, none of which arecomplete. Many treatises (including all knownperiod examples) after it was written have used itas a source. (Free tidbit: Al Faraby wrote manyother works on mathematics, philosophy, medicine,etc. He lived to past 80, and died purportedlycontent and happy as a Sufi monk)ii. Kitab al-Aghani (Book of songs)1. This book was written somewhere between 960-967 ADby Abu al-Faraj Ali ibn al-Husayn al-Isbahani. (Moresimply known as al-Isbahani) This man was in manyways the opposite of Al Farabi, but was perfectly suited towrite this book. He was known for his pursuits of passion,women and wine, and was in an ideal social position torecord performance practices and songs, having accessalso to previous works on the subject. Put simply, He wasa party animal, and wallowed in the life and pleasures ofthe music world of the time, and of all the pleasures beinga favorite of the Caliph offered him.a. This book is the most complete compilation ofsongs, music practices, poetry, and artist names tothis point in history. It contains a vast amount ofinformation from previous sources, stretching backto the days of Idolatry, almost all of which wouldbe lost to us now, if we didnt have this book.b. It was purchased for 1000 gold pieces by the Shawof al-Andalusia, and took al-Isbahani 50 years tocomplete.c. This book is looked upon as the single greatestrepository of early musical and poetic practices.d. There are 2 partial surviving copies, and one wholecopy still existing.Al Andalus:a. The Arabic Caliphat of al Andalus proved to be the greatest expressionof, and last bastion of musical development. The last great Arabicmusic theorist was a man by the name of Zaryab (died around 850AD) he was a freed slave from Baghdad, and lived and worked inCordoba. He is credited with adding strings and expression to the Ud

(well talk about that later) and compiling a repertoire of twenty-four

Nawbat. (roughly, a classical concert with specific expressions,progressions, and focus)b. Al Andalus, in many ways, was an early conduit of Arabic influenceand understanding to the west. Many western scholars were trained inits schools, and here is where many original Latin translations ofmathematics, music, and philosophy from Greek texts were created, aswell as Latin translations of Arabic texts on music, mathematics,medicine, etc.c. There was much musical transference of concepts, instruments, andideas even before the crusades due to Al Andalus. The troubadourconcept and art was directly influenced by this sharing of ideas. Manywestern instruments were either copied, or influenced by older Arabicinstruments. (more on that later) (free tidbit: any SCA western musicscholar will tell you where they got the original European Solfeggio.What they dont tell you is the concept was given to Guido d'Arezzoby his studies of Arabic texts. Heres an interesting thing. The namesof the Arabic notes, versus their Guidonian counterparts are below. Doyou see a similarity?Guidonian: Mi. Fa. Sol. LaSi. Do/ut ReArabic:Mim,Fa, Sad, Lam, Sin, DalRad. There is value in studying modern Arabic music and transposingthose ideas on the past. There is also danger. It is important tounderstand the theory and tonal systems are fairly consistent from 800AD to the 1920s. Past that, one must be careful to identify andunderstand the pervasive western influence on this music.

Section conclusion: We have just skimmed over 3000 years of musical history withvery little detail. There is an amazing amount of information that can be studiedand correlated. To this day, there has not been a good amount of study on theinfluence of Arabic music theory, and instruments on the western culture.Contemporary scholars such as Dr. Henry George Farmer have hinted at it, butsadly died before he could fully study and publish on the idea. There is so muchrichness to studying this history. We know of musical feuds that lasted generations,Poisoning of court musicians because they had new ideas, Beheadings, andjealousy, Brilliance and artistic ecstasy. There is so much to study it is sometimeshard to figure out where to start. Hopefully this section has whetted your appetite.As we move forward, just remember when we study music theory, there are manyhuman stories behind why and how this music is and was constructed.

Section 2: InstrumentsThrough the changes of history, we see a homogenization of theory, practice, andinstruments through the Middle east, North Africa, some of eastern Europe, Turkey,Persia, etc. This similarity of theory created a family of instruments that can befound in many mutations over these different areas. You will soon find there aredifferences of instruments and theory even from one province to the next, but somethings are constant. A good example would be a guitar. A bass guitar and a 12 stringacoustic are still both guitars, but there are differences. Extrapolate that over 3000years and more cultures than can be counted here, and you will find a LOT ofdifferent names for the same thing, as well as a LOT of regional variances. It isimportant to understand, moving forward that there is no RIGHT way, or thing.As you will soon see, even the names are not the same for the same instrument. InArabic music, there is never ONE TRUE WAY. There is complexity, flexibility, andopportunity. We will begin by looking at types of instruments that are relativelyuniversalA.

The voicea. As we have seen in our previous studies, the voice was the firstinstrument of the Qaynat, and the voice is still the primaryinstrument. All other instruments are considered a pale imitation. Inmaqam music, the voice is the ultimate instrument of mansexpression. There are many techniques that can be used;Inflections, and singing from the throat, as well as many culturaland regional variations. It can switch from happy and joyful to sadand longing at the twitch of a muscle.b. Winds:i. Mizmar: This is a double reed wind instrument. Its originalform is ancient. It is referred to in the oldest writings.ii. Ney: End blown reed flute. A devil to get any noise out of,but very expressive and captivating. Fingerings, and holesvary depending on the maqam being played.iii. Mijwiz: a kind of double barreled clarinetc. Strings

i. Ud: The king of instruments, it is the originator of the

pre-Pythagorean influenced musical theory, and isconsidered the grandfather of the lute. It has gone throughmany mutations through history, but its basic form wascompleted by the afore mentioned Zalzal. Again, an ancientform of instrument.ii. Kanoun: Similar to a hammered dulcimer, only it isnthammered but plucked. It has moveable bridges to adjustto the Maqam that is being played.iii. Saz (buzuk, Baglama, etc): The Turkish referenceinstrument. It serves the same purpose as the Ud does formusic theory. Again, an ancient instrument of the steppes.Lots of variations.d. Bowed instruments:i. Rababa: The earliest known bowed instrument and the parentof the medieval European rebec, it was first mentioned in the10th century. In period the word Rababa was used for anybowed instrument. It has a membrane belly made of animalskin or wood and one, two or three strings. There is normallyno fingerboard, the strings being stopped by the player'sfingers.e. Percussioni. Frame drum: There are LOTS of variations on this. There areeven more names for them. The tar, Duff, Daff, Etc. Usuallyround (although there are exceptions) this is the primaryexpressive drum for many cultures.ii. Riq: strictly speaking, a frame drum, with the addition offive sets of cymbals imbedded on the edge. It seems to be afairly universal staple. There are many religious connotationsto this drum.iii. Goblet drum: Dumbek, doumbek, Tonbak, etc. LOTS ofdifferent drums in this class, and the local playing stylesvary. For instance, the Egyptian style of play is very differentfrom the Persian style, although the general shape of theinstrument is in the same classiv. Davul: or Tupan, depending on where you are. Double sidedbass drum used for many things. Generally used for keepingsolid beats, and leading. Used extensively militarily.

Again, there are many variations on these basic groups. And many moreinstruments. So many, it sometimes boggles the mind. For instance, strictlyspeaking, there are almost as many neys as there are Maqams to play on them!Local, regional, and cultural variations abound, as well as available materials.Certainly there are archetypal instrument groups, but dont mistake the instrumentpictured on the internet as THE instrument.

Section 3: Maqam music Theory

Maqam is the foundation of expression for Arabic music theory, but It is notconfined to the Arabian peninsula by a LONG shot. Maqam music can be foundfrom the Atlas mountains and parts of the Sahara in Africa, to the Arabian gulf,Eastern Europe, and Greece. It has been referred to as more than a scale and lessthan a song We will skim through a lot of fundamental concepts that shouldfoment questions in your mind. In some ways, if you have western music theorytraining, you might find it more difficult to grasp certain things. Im going to throwa lot of things at ya, and I dont expect you to understand it all at once. I KNOW Idont understand it all, especially some of the interrelationships of concepts. Let usbegin!A. Regional Variances: Since the 1920s there has been a push forstandardization of Maqam, and specific pitches. (more on that later) Thereis a direct correlation with this push, and the beginning of western musicinfluence. To understand some theory, we need to understand the context.The first and foremost of these is regional variance. For instance, MaqamHijaz in Egypt is not the same as in Iraq. Here is a quote from Dr GeorgeSawa: It is important to note that in every country I mention, there aresignificant regional variants in the makam system. There is NOT one makamsystem! It is more accurate to say that makam represents a way of conceivingof tuning and mode that creates a framework to understand a lot of differentfolk and classical traditions, particularly in countries that have been ruledunder Islam or were part of the Ottoman Empire. You will notice Dr. Sawaeven SPELLS Maqam differently. Welcome to the complex and excitingworld of Maqam music!! More on this later, but at this point understand thereis NO SUCH THING as a set scale.B. Improvisational based music: By definition, Maqam theory is a system ofimprovisation. To quote Scholar Habib Hassan Touma; The maqamphenomenon, in which the performance of a single-voiced melody line is alargely improvised conceptualization of a particular modal structure. The

fundamental characteristic of the maqam phenomenon is that the

tonal-spatial component has a binding and previously fixed organization.Whereas the rhythmic-temporal component is essentially free. Central to themaqam phenomenon is the tonal-spatial model, which varies from onemaqam to another and can always be reduced to a nucleus of uniqueintervals. This nucleus determines the melodic line and helps create thecharacteristic emotional mood for the particular maqam. WHAT?!a. What he means is, Maqams are engines of emotion. The intervalsbetween the notes are specifically designed to foment a specificemotion. They are a framework to improvise upon. This is one of thereasons I believe we do not see much period notation. The focus wason taking a maqam, and expressing it to its utmost emotional andexpressive potential at the time of the performance, not necessarily toduplicate a specific melody line. When a great Maqam musician playsa piece, it will never be the same twice. If you ask them why? Theywill tell you because that is what I felt then, and this is what I feelnow.C. How many Maqams are there? If you factor in the regional variances, and allthe known historical models, there are over 900 different maqams! But dontworry; there really are only 30 or 40 fundamental Maqams that are used.Sometimes, there are maqams for specific dances, or melodies. Some of theMaqams are named after people. It can be dizzying, but upon furtherinspection, a method of categorizing and understanding them becomesapparent. This method has to do with the concepts of Ajnas (plural for theword Jins). These are small building blocks of trichords, tetrachords andpentachords which make up maqams. We wont go too far down that roadright now, but I did want to introduce the words to you. Itl give yousomething to study. (wink) BTW! If you see the word chord and a lightbulbgoes off, thinking this might be something like western chords, go ahead andturn the light back off. They arent the same concept at all. (more on thatlater)D. Harmonic Differences: Arabic music does not use harmony, as we see it.Although there is evidence of its theoretical use in the Music schools ofal-Andalus, and its transference to the west in the tenth century. (Free tidbit:The eastern name for harmony is TadIf. It was an outcropping of theGreek concept of magrandizing or organizing. Truthfully, harmony aswe see it, would not work well at all in Arabic music because of theintervallic and pitch systems that are employed (more on that later)a. Arabic music values increasingly complex melodic sequences asopposed to harmony, although there is a great amount of use of

drone tones, and harmony does crop up as a byproduct of complex

melodies.b. You will NEVER find CHORDS (as we define them in western musictheory) in Arabic music.E. Intervallic relationships: As scales are constructed by notes with specificintervallic relationships and distances in Western music theory, to someextent, Maqams are built this way as well, but the rules are different. Firstly,there is a LOT more notes per octave than in western scales. Most scholarsrefer to these as microtones. In the post western-influenced Arabic scale,there are 24 chromatic notes per octave. It is important to note that anOctave is not necessarily an octave, as western music defines it. This is basedon fundamental differences in the pitch system used.a. Maqam intervals are NOT BUILT on even-tempered tuning, unlike thechromatic scale used in western music theory. This fact haswidespread and fascinating results. Instead of an artificialmathematically equal intervallic scheme, the 5th notes are tuned basedon the 3rd harmonic. The remaining notes entirely depend on themaqam. Most of the tunings are probably historically based on the Ud.A side effect of this is that the same note (by name) may have aslightly different pitch depending on which maqam it is played in.These intervals also shift based on regional differences, which notesfollow and precede, etc. in fact, the same note might not be playedwith the same pitch in the same song! (free tidbit: This is important!!!!Even-tempered tuning is a byproduct of 18th century western musicaltheoreticians trying to find a viable way to construct the massiveorchestras we enjoy today. In other words, even if you are playing aperiod western piece from period sheet music, the tuning of the noteson your recorder are NOT THE SAME. Therefore, the music is not thesame. Just wanted to throw that one out. (wink))b. Pitch Gravitation: pitch is dependent on the notes surrounding the notethat is being played. Depending on the context, the pitch could shift.This is called the law of pitch gravitation.F. Pitch Differences: The pitch standard is relative to environmental modifiers.In other words, there is no such thing as a=440. This means the pitch of thetonic (or most important note in the maqam) is usually set by the range of thehuman voice of the singer (if there is vocal accompaniment) or otherenvironmental variables. (the mood at the time, the quality of instrument,etc) How do you tune a large number of instruments so they can playtogether like this!!!?? Well, the answer is, you cant. Arabic music culturefocuses on small ensembles, or single players that can tune to the pitch they

wish at the time. This was one of the reasons for the push to standardize theMaqam system after the 1920s, so large orchestras could be constructed.Much of the current Arabic dance music comes from this fusion.Unfortunately, without the complexity and quirkiness of the tunings, thepitch deviations, microtones, complex melody, lack of harmony etc, much ofthe magic of this music is lost. Its up to us, as preservers of history, tounderstand, and help preserve the artistry of the past.G. Rhythmic differences: As you most likely know, Arabic and M.E. rhythmsare not symmetric, much of the time. The lists and lists of rhythmic cyclesavailable on the internet are fascinating, and a complex study in and ofthemselves. There is a concept in Maqam music theory called the Iqa. Itserves the same function to rhythm as the concept of maqam serves tomelody. I currently do not understand how this works. We can study thepatterns, replicate them, and use them with melody or by itself, but thetheory behind their construction is wrapped up in this word Iqa. I havesome half understandings, but this is a great area for further study.In closing, I have attempted to flit upon each concept with the lightness of a bee,giving you a taste of the honey to be had from each flower. There is so much tostudy, and each of these concepts and historical facts are entwined with themselves,the socio-political history of the region, and of western culture, for that matter, andthe way we communicate passion and emotion through music. There is so much tostudy and marvel at, I hope this has provided you with a place to start your ownstudies. If you find something out though, promise me you will show me!!!*****************************************************************Chapter oneThe King's Mistake

For Sherlock Holmes, there was only one woman in the world. He did notlove her, because he never loved women. But after their meeting he never forgother. Her name was Irene Adler.One night in March I visited my old friend at his home in Baker Street. I wasmarried by now, so I did not often see him.'Come in, Watson,' he said. 'Sit down. I'm happy to see you, because I've gotsomething to show you. What do you think of this? It arrived in the last post.' It wasa letter, with no date, name or address. It said:'Tonight someone will visit you, to talk about some very secret business. Youhave helped other important people, and you can, we hope, help us. Be in your

room at 7.45 p.m.'

'The paper - what do you think about the paper?' asked Holmes.I tried to think like Holmes. 'It's expensive, so this person is rich. It's strangepaper.''Yes, it's not English. If you look at it in the light, you can see that it wasmade in Bohemia. And a German, I think, wrote the letter. Ah, here comes our mannow.' We could hear the horses in the street.'Shall I leave, Holmes?' I asked.'No, no, I need your help. This will be interesting,' my friend answered.There was a knock at the door.'Come in!' called Holmes.A tall, strong man came into the room. He was wearing expensive clothes,and a mask over his face.'You can call me Count von Kramm. I come from Bohemia,' he said. 'Mybusiness is most important. Before I tell you about it, do you agree to keep it asecret?''I do,' we said together.'A very important person, who belongs to a royal family, has sent me to askfor your help,' he went on. 'I wear a mask because nobody must know who thatperson is. I must explain how important this business is. If you cannot help, therewill be difficulty and trouble for one of the most important families in Europe - andperhaps a very big scandal. I am talking about the famous House of Ormstein,Kings of Bohemia.''I know, Your Majesty,' said Holmes. He quietly smoked his cigarette.The man jumped up from his chair, 'What!' he cried. 'How do you know whoI am?' Then he pulled the mask off his face and threw it on the ground. 'You areright. Why do I hide it? I am the King. I am Wilhelm von Ormstein, King ofBohemia. I came to see you myself because I could not ask another person to tellmy story. It must be a secret. You understand?''Very well. Go on,' said Holmes. He closed his eyes and listened.'Five years ago I met a woman called Irene Adler. We...''Ah,' said Holmes, 'Irene Adler, born in 1850, singer, lives in London, a verybeautiful woman, I hear ...' He looked at the King. 'You and she ... You loved her,for a while, and then left her. But before you left her, you wrote her some lettersperhaps. And now you want to get these letters back.''That's right.''Did you marry her?''No.''If she asks you for money and shows you the letters, you can say that youdidn't write them.'

'But Mr Holmes, she also has my photograph.'

'You can say that you didn't give her a photograph.''We were both in the photograph.''Oh dear. That was a mistake, Your Majesty.''I know. I was stupid... but I was very young!''You must get the photograph back. Can you steal it from her house?''I have tried five times but my men couldn't find it. What can I do?'Holmes laughed. 'This is very interesting. What does she plan to do with thephotograph?''Soon I am going to marry Clotilde Lothman von Saxe-Meningen, daughterof the King of Scandinavia. You know, of course, that we are two of the mostimportant royal families in Europe. Clotilde will never marry me if she learns that Ihave been a... friend of Irene Adler. You do not know Irene Adler. She's a beautifulwoman, but she can be as hard as a man. She was angry when I left her, and so shedoesn't want me to marry another woman. I know that she will send this photographto the Saxe-Meningen family, and then there will be a terrible scandal. We mustfind the photograph before she sends it!''I am sure that we will find it,' said Holmes. 'You are, of course, staying inLondon? I will write to you to tell you what happens. And, the money...?'The King put a large heavy bag on the table. 'I must have that photograph,'he said. 'There is one thousand pounds here. If you need more, you must ask atonce. The money is not important.''And the young woman's address?' asked Holmes.'Briony Lodge, Serpentine Avenue, St John's Wood, London.''Good night, Your Majesty,' said Holmes. 'I hope to have some good newsfor you soon.' The King left, and Holmes turned to me. 'And good night, Watson.Please come back tomorrow at three o'clock in the afternoon.'

Chapter twoA Servant Finds Out

When I arrived the next day, Holmes was not there, so I waited in his room.At four o'clock the door opened, and a very strange servant came in. He wore old,dirty clothes, and I had to look very hard before I saw that it was my old friend.'Holmes!' I cried. 'Where have you been?''I've had a very good day,' he replied with a smile. 'I've been outside MissIrene Adler's house. Servants are always happy to talk, and so I have heard a lot

about the young woman. For example, she has a good-looking man friend calledGodfrey Norton, a lawyer, who often visits her. Now why? If he's her lawyer,perhaps she's already given him the photograph. But if he loves her, she won't showhim the photograph.''Most interesting, Holmes!' I said.'While I was there, Mr Norton himself suddenly arrived. I watched themthrough the windows. When he left, he jumped into a taxi. "To the church of StMonica, as fast as you can!" he shouted. Two minutes later Miss Adler ran out ofher house, jumped into another taxi and called, "To the church of St Monica,quickly!" I couldn't miss this, Watson, so I jumped into a third taxi. When I arrived,I went into the church. Godfrey Norton looked round and saw me."Thank God!" he shouted. "Come here quickly!" "Why?" I asked. "Come on,man, we need you!" And so I helped Godfrey Norton to marry Irene Adler. Theyneeded a witness, and a servant from the street was better than nobody.''So she's married him! What shall we do now?' I asked.'Well, tonight, my dear Watson, I need your help. Will you do what I ask?Without questions?''Of course, Holmes, if you think that it's important,' I answered.'Later, we'll go to Briony Lodge. Irene Adler, or Irene Norton, will arrivehome at seven o'clock, and she will ask me to go into the house. You must waitoutside near the sitting-room window, and when it opens, watch me inside. When Ihold up my hand, throw this thing into the room and shout "Fire!"'I took the small thing out of his hand. 'What is it, Holmes?' I asked.'It's a smoke-stick. The room will very quickly be full of smoke. After that,wait for me at the corner of the street.''Right, I'll do what you want,' I said.

Chapter three"Fire!"

That evening Holmes again wore different clothes, and a large, black hat. Butit was not just the clothes that were different. He changed his face, his hair everything. He was a different man.We walked together to Serpentine Avenue. Outside the house there were alot of people who were smoking, laughing and talking. Holmes and I walked upand down in front of the house.'You see,' said Holmes to me, 'I think she doesn't want her new husband to

see the photograph. But where is it? At her bank? No. Women like to keepimportant things themselves. I'm sure it's in her house.''But the King's men tried to find it!' I said.'Yes, but they didn't know where to look!' said Holmes.'But how will you know?' I asked.'I won't look. She'll show me. She'll have to.'Just then a taxi arrived. One of the men in the street ran to open the door,then another man pushed him. Other men were also pushing and shouting, and afight began. Irene Norton was in the middle of it, but Sherlock Holmes ran to helpher. Then suddenly he fell to the ground, with blood running down his face. IreneNorton hurried to her front door, but she looked back.'How kind of him to help me! Is the poor man hurt?' she called.'He's dead,' cried some voices.'No, he's only hurt,' cried others.'Bring him into the sitting-room,' she said.Some people carried Holmes into the house. I waited outside the window andwatched. I saw how beautiful Irene Norton was. Then Holmes put up his hand, andI threw the smoke-stick into the room. Immediately the people in the street and inthe house all began to shout "Fire!" very loudly. The house was full of smoke. Iwalked away, and ten minutes later Holmes came to meet me.'Well done, Watson,' he said.'Have you got the photograph?' I asked.'I know where it is. She showed me,' he answered.'But why did she show you?''It's easy,' he said, and laughed. 'You saw all those people in the street? I paidthem to help us. It wasn't a real fight and the blood wasn't real. When people shout"Fire!", a woman runs to the most important thing in her house, her baby, her gold,or... a photograph. Mrs Norton ran to find her photograph, which is in a cupboardin the sitting-room. I saw it. But I did not take it. Tomorrow we will go to her housewith the King. We'll go very early, before she gets up. The King himself can takethe photograph from the cupboard. And then we'll go.'While Holmes was talking, we were walking home to Baker Street. When wearrived at my friend's house, a young man hurried past us, and said: 'Good night,Mr Sherlock Holmes.''I've heard that voice before,' said Holmes to me. He looked down the street.'But who was it?'

Chapter four

A Photograph

The next day we went to Irene Norton's house, with the King. An old servantopened the door. 'Mr Sherlock Holmes?' she asked, and smiled.'Yes,' said my friend. He looked very surprised.'Mrs Irene Norton and her husband left England this morning. They willnever come back to this country.''What?' cried Holmes, his face white and angry.'And what about the photograph?' cried the King.We all hurried into the sitting-room. Holmes ran to the cupboard and openedit. Inside was a photograph, not of Irene Adler and the King, but of the beautifulIrene alone. There was also a letter for Sherlock Holmes. We all read it together.My dear Mr Sherlock Holmes, You did it very well. I thought that it was areal fire, and that you were just a kind old man. But after I opened the cupboard, Ibegan to think. I knew about the famous Sherlock Holmes. I knew your address,and I knew that the King asked you to find the photograph. So I quickly dressed asa young man and followed you home to Baker Street. I wanted to find out if youreally were Sherlock Holmes. I said 'good night' to you outside your door!My husband and I have decided to leave England. Please tell the King that Ishall not show the photograph to anybody. I love my husband and he loves me. Andhe is a better man than the King. But here is a different photograph. And the Kingcan keep this photograph, if he likes.'What a woman!' cried the King. 'Why didn't I marry her! What a woman!''A very, very clever woman,' said Sherlock Holmes coldly. 'I am sorry, YourMajesty, that this business has not finished well.''No, no,' said the King. 'She writes that she will never show the photographto anybody. I need nothing more than her word. There is no danger for me now.How can I thank you, dear Mr Holmes?''I would like just one thing, Your Majesty.''Tell me at once what it is,' said the King.'This photograph.'The King looked at him in surprise. 'Irene's photograph?' he cried. 'But ofcourse. It is yours.'And so there was no terrible scandal in the royal families of Europe. AndSherlock Holmes still has the photograph of the woman who was cleverer than hewas.

- THE END *******************************************************************

Sara Smith, a Pasadena resident, went shopping. She is 30, and has lived at3037 N. Foothill Street since 1992. Sara has been married to John for seven years.They have two children; Bob is five years old and Nancy is three. Sara owns a 1995four-door blue Toyola. At 9 a.m., Sara got into her car and drove to Barget, adepartment store a mile away.Barget was having a holiday sale. Sara bought a four-slice toaster for $29.95plus tax. The regular price was $39.95. She paid by check. On her way home, Sarastopped at MilkPlus to buy a gallon of nonfat milk. The milk was $3.50. Sara got50 cents back in change.Sara arrived home at 10 a.m. John and the kids were still sleeping. She wokethem up and then made a hot and nutritious breakfast for everyone.*************************************************************A 79-year-old man was slightly injured on Saturday while waiting in his brandnew convertible in a drive-through lane at Burger Prince restaurant. HermanSherman of Northville suffered a mild burn about 9:00 p.m. when a young femaleemployee accidentally spilled a cup of coffee into his lap. Sherman said the coffeewas hot but not scalding.He refused medical aid, saying the only problem was the stain on his slacks,but it would wash out. He was given a fresh refill. Before Sherman drove off, the

restaurant manager, John Johnson, gave him two free gift certificates--one for anextra-large coffee and one for the restaurant's newest sandwich, the McRap.The employee, who was a new hire, was let go later that evening. She wasquite upset. She said she would probably sue Burger Prince for letting her go. Shesaid it was the man's fault for ordering something that she might be able to spill.*************************************************************Six consecutive days of spring rain had created a raging river running byNancy Brown's farm. As she tried to herd her cows to higher ground, she slippedand hit her head on a fallen tree trunk. The fall knocked her out for a moment ortwo. When she came to, Lizzie, one of her oldest and favorite cows, was licking herface. The water was rising. Nancy got up and began walking slowly with Lizzie.The water was now waist high. Nancy's pace got slower and slower. Finally, all shecould do was to throw her arm around Lizzie's neck and try to hang on. About 20minutes later, Lizzie managed to successfully pull herself and Nancy out of theraging water and onto a bit of high land, a small island now in the middle of acresof white water.Even though it was about noon, the sky was so dark and the rain and lightningso bad that it took rescuers another two hours to discover Nancy. A helicopterlowered a paramedic, who attached Nancy to a life-support hoist. They raised herinto the helicopter and took her to the school gym, where the Red Cross had set upan emergency shelter.

When the flood subsided two days later, Nancy immediately went back to the"island." Lizzie was gone. She was one of 19 cows that Nancy lost. "I owe my lifeto her," said Nancy sobbingly.*************************************************************A fifteen-year-old boy was injured in a car accident when the minivan he wastraveling in was hit by a pickup truck at an intersection. The boy was taken to anearby hospital. The paramedics said that it appeared that the boy had nothing moreserious than a broken left leg, but that internal injuries were always a possibility.The boy was conscious and alert. His mother, who was driving, was uninjured. Shesaid that the truck appeared out of nowhere, and she thought she was going to die.She turned the steering wheel sharply to the left, and the truck hit her minivan onthe passenger side.The driver of the truck was a 50-year-old man who was unemployed andapparently had been drinkingpolice found 18 empty beer cans inside the truck.The man denied drinking, but he failed the police test for sobriety. When asked totouch his nose with his arms outstretched and eyes closed, he was unable to touchany part of his head.The handcuffed man asked the police if they knew where "Mabel" was as hewas put into the back seat of the police vehicle. The police asked him if Mabel washis wife. He said, "She's my dog, my dog! Where's my baby?" A dog with a collar,but no identification, was found minutes later, half a block away. The man was

taken to the city jail and booked on suspicion of driving while intoxicated and oncausing an accident.*************************************************************Jerry Baldwin was 30 years old. He was the manager of a pizza restaurant. Helived in an apartment about one mile north of the restaurant. He walked to and fromwork. When it was raining, he took the bus.Jerry loved gangster movies. When a new one came out, he would go to thetheater and watch the new movie three or four times. Then, when it went to video,Jerry would buy the video at Barney's Video Store. Jerry had a home collection ofover 1,000 gangster videos. Old ones, new ones, color, black and white, English,Spanish, Japanese--he loved them all. He could tell you the name of the movie, thedirector, the stars, and the plot. Did you say you liked "Pulp Fiction"? Well, Jerrywould rattle off all the details of that movie. And then he would invite you to hisplace to watch it some time. He was a nice guy.Jerry finally decided that he would like to own a gun, just like the gangsters.So he saved his money for a couple of years. Then he went to a gun store andbought a used .38 caliber revolver for $300. While there, he also bought a couple ofboxes of ammunition. The following Saturday morning, he went to the gun club topractice with his new revolver. He was in the club for only 10 minutes when heaccidentally dropped his pistol. The gun went off, and the bullet went into Jerry'sright knee.Jerry now walks with a limp and a cane, just like some gangsters.

*************************************************************A 24-year-old Los Angeles man was taken to a hospital and then to county jailafter leading police on a one-hour freeway chase in a stolen SUV. The chase endedin downtown Los Angeles in front of the Spring Hotel. Most of the chase wasuneventful, except for an empty bottle of whiskey that the driver threw at onepolice vehicle.When the driver got into downtown, things started to happen. He ran over afire hydrant. The water spewed out of the hydrant, causing a geyser that ruined allthe books in several carts that a vendor had put outside to attract customers into hisbookstore. The driver hurriedly turned west onto Grand Avenue and managed tobang into three parked cars on one side of that street and two cars on the other side.The driver also tried to run over a police officer, who was standing in the crosswalkordering him to halt.Turning north, the driver caused a bus to slam on its brakes to avoid acollision. The bus was empty, and the bus driver was uninjured. However, twopolice cars that were pursuing the SUV from different directions were not so lucky.One of them ran into the front of the bus, and the other into the back. Because thedrivers had braked early enough, the damage to their cars was minor. Both officersresumed the chase.They only went two blocks north to find that the SUV had come to a full stopbecause it had plowed into a newspaper stand. The driver, who was not wearing aseatbelt, was slumped behind the steering wheel. The proprietor of the newsstand

was yelling at the driver and shaking a magazine at him. The police called for theambulance. They charged the driver with failure to yield to a police officer anddriving under the influence.*************************************************************Sam, an unemployed piano tuner, said it was only the second thing he had everwon in his life. The first thing was an Afghan blanket at a church raffle when hewas 25 years old. But this was much bigger: it was $120,000! He had won the BigCube, a state lottery game. To win, a contestant must first guess which number aspinning cube will stop on. The cube has six numbers on it: 1X, 10X, 50X, 100X,500X, and 1000X. If he is correct, the contestant must then guess which of twoselected variables is going to be greater. So, just guessing which number appears onthe cube does not guarantee that you will win any money.Sam correctly guessed 1000X, but he still had to choose between twovariables. One variable was the number of cars that would run the stop sign at HillStreet and Lake Avenue in six hours. The other variable was the number of timesthat a teenage boy would change TV channels in a three-hour period. This was atough decision.Finally, Sam flipped a coin. It came up heads, so Sam picked the teenager. Hepicked right. The stop sign was run only 76 times, but the teen clicked 120 times.Sixty-year-old Sam jumped for joy, for he had just won 1000 times 120, or$120,000. Sam dreamily left the lottery studio. Talking excitedly on his cell phonewhile crossing the street, he got hit by a little sports car.

Sam is slowly getting better. He was in the hospital for a month. His hospitalbill was $110,000. And the insurance company for the little sports car's owner suedSam for $9,000 worth of repairs. Also, Sam still has to pay federal taxes on hiswinnings. Sam doesn't play the state lottery any more. He says it's better to beunlucky.*************************************************************Inmates released two correctional officers they had held for a week in thetower at the state prison complex. The inmates captured the officers a week agoafter the two officers tried to quell a food fight in the main dining room. The foodfight erupted when the prisoners discovered that their candy ration had been cut inhalf. The candy is a popular bartering item. Inmates trade it for cigarettes, cigars,magazines, stationery, legal dictionaries, and other items. Prison officials said itwas necessary to cut back on this luxury item in order to provide basic items, likesoap and razors and toilet paper.The prisoners went berserk over the reduction. They threw food, plates, andsilverware at the doors, windows, and guards. Then they grabbed two guards andhauled them up to the tower. Once they had the tower door secured, they sentmessages to prison officials demanding big bags of candy in exchange for sparingthe guards' lives. The warden complied with their demands. After a week ofnegotiations, the prisoners approved a deal which restored their candy ration, but inreturn the administration said they would have to reduce daily soap allotments by75 percent.*************************************************************

Two mayors made a bet on the outcome of the Vegetable Bowl, the annualfootball game between their high school teams. If Arvada's team lost, the mayor ofArvada would send the mayor of Boulder ten pounds of sliced potatoes, ready forfrying. If Boulder's team lost, the mayor would send ten pounds of sliced tomatoes,ready for sandwiches or salads.Unfortunately, before the game started, the mayor of Boulder overheard theArvada mayor tell someone: "They grow the worst tomatoes. If they lose and sendus their tomatoes, I'm going to give them all to my pig." The mayor of Boulder wasupset to hear this, because he thought Boulder's tomatoes were the best in the state.So he gave the matter some thought.The following week, the big game was played. Boulder lost its star quarterbackin the first half when he tripped over a cheerleader and sprained his big toe. Thequarterback glumly watched the rest of the game from the bench. His team endedup losing, 38 to 12. The two mayors shook hands after the game, and the Arvadamayor said, "I'm really looking forward to those tomatoes." As the Boulder teamleft the stadium, some unhappy fans threw ripe tomatoes at them.A week later, the mayor of Arvada received a package of beautifully slicedtomatoes. He took them straight to his pig, which gobbled them right up. That nightthe mayor of Boulder asked his wife if Arvada's mayor had called. "No," she said."Why?" "Because I mixed a pint of hot sauce into the tomatoes and I wanted toknow how his pig's doing."*************************************************************

Goats are being hired to do the work of men in a neighborhood just outside ofSan Diego. The fires that occurred in Hillborough four years ago destroyed thirtyhomes, most of which have been rebuilt. While contractors were rebuilding thehomes, nature was regrowing the grasses, bushes, and shrubs. The area is now soovergrown in brush that it again poses a major fire hazard.The city council asked for bids to remove the brush. The lowest bid theyreceived was $50,000. And that was if the city provided breakfast and lunch for thework crews for the six weeks it would take to clear the overgrown area. The citycountered, offering unlimited coffee (black only) and a doughnut a day for eachcrew member. When that offer was rejected, the city asked for help on its website.A sheepherder in Montana and a goatherder in San Bernardino read about thecity's plight while surfing the web on their laptops. They both offered to do the jobfor $25,000. The council chose the goatherder because he lived closer. When toldthat the city dump was overflowing, the goatherder said, "No problem. My goatswill eat everything in your dump. Except for the automobile engines, of course."So, for another $5,000, the city killed two birds with one stone. If all goes well,they will invite the goatherder and his "family" back every three years. Thegoatherder said he will probably visit San Diego while his goats are in the dump. "Iwant to take one of those hang-glider rides. I just hope we don't crash. My goatswould miss me a lot," he said.*************************************************************

The owner of a missing cat is asking for help. "My baby has been missing forover a month now, and I want him back so badly," said Mrs. Brown, a 56-year-oldwoman. Mrs. Brown lives by herself in a trailer park near Clovis. She said thatClyde, her 7-year-old cat, didn't come home for dinner more than a month ago. Thenext morning he didn't appear for breakfast either. After Clyde missed anextra-special lunch, she called the police.When the policeman asked her to describe Clyde, she told him that Clyde hadbeautiful green eyes, had all his teeth but was missing half of his left ear, and wasseven years old and completely white. She then told the officer that Clyde wasabout a foot high.A bell went off. "Is Clyde your child or your pet?" the officer suspiciouslyasked. "Well, he's my cat, of course," Mrs. Brown replied. "Lady, you're supposedto report missing PERSONS, not missing CATS," said the irritated policeman."Well, who can I report this to?" she asked. "You can't. You have to ask aroundyour neighborhood or put up flyers," replied the officer.Mrs. Brown figured that a billboard would work a lot better than an 8"x11"piece of paper on a telephone pole. There was an empty billboard at the end of herstreet just off the interstate highway. The billboard had a phone number on it. Shecalled that number, and they told her they could blow up a picture of Clyde (fromMrs. Brown's family album) and put it on the billboard for all to see."But how can people see it when they whiz by on the interstate?" she asked."Oh, don't worry, ma'am, they only whiz by between 2 a.m. and 5:30 a.m. The rest

of the day, the interstate is so full of commuters that no one moves." They told herit would cost only $3,000 a month. So she took most of the money out of hersavings account and rented the billboard for a month.The month has passed, but Clyde has not appeared. Because she has almost nomoney in savings, Mrs. Brown called the local newspaper to see if anyone couldhelp her rent the billboard for just one more month. She is waiting but, so far, noone has stepped forward.*************************************************************A man accused of failing to return more than 700 children's books to fivedifferent libraries in the county was released from jail yesterday after a bookpublisher agreed to post his bond of $1,000. The publisher said, "There's a storyhere. This is a man who loves books. He just can't let go of them. He hasn't stolen asingle book. So what's the crime? We think that Mr. Barush has a story to tell. Weplan to publish his story."When asked why he didn't return the books, Mr. Barush said, "Well, how couldI? They became family to me. I was afraid to return them, because I knew that kidsor dogs would get hold of these books and chew them up, throw them around, ripthe pages, spill soda on them, get jam and jelly on them, and drown them in thetoilet."He continued, "Books are people, too! They talk to you, they take care of you,and they enrich you with wisdom and humor and love. A book is my guest in my

home. How could I kick it out? I repaired torn pages. I dusted them with a softclean cloth. I turned their pages so they could breathe and get some fresh air."Every week I reorganized them on their shelves so they could meet newfriends. My books were HAPPY books. You could tell just by looking at them.Now they're all back in the library, on the lower shelves, on the floors, at the mercyof all those runny-nosed kids. I can hear them calling me! I need to rescue them.Excuse me. I have to go now."