Anger & Addictions

by E
(Canada)

Six years ago we were the perfect couple - or so I thought. Not long after we moved in together, my partner's children had the police at our front door due to anger, disrespect, drugs and property destruction to our new home. With no disciplinary actions taken by the parent, the situation escalated over the years until the teenagers were evicted from the home.

Of course, I was "to blame" for everything and my partner is not over the ex yet either. My partner - still has a lot of unresolved issues about the ex's infidelity.

Since the teenagers have been gone, the parent has blamed me for their relationship distance, (the kids are now in another Province), and every time there is an issue with one of them I am kept out of the loop like I don't exist.

I have learned to distance myself from any involvement with them and my partner's family because I'm looked through like I'm not even there. That's fine, as I stopped attending any family functions and was never invited to them anyway.

My partner, usually after work, immediately heads for the kitchen and pours a few drinks before dinner or has drinks for dinner and passes out about 7-8pm for the night. After any disappointing events at work, my partner would come home and have drinks and potentially erupt at me as if the event was my fault. After a while, I stayed out of my partner's way after work and just hoped he had enough to drink to pass out quickly that night.

Events escalated, and the anger was usually a raised voice and verbal abuse until now - it has become physical. Now that the trust is gone due to certain actions that were taken, I feel that I have nothing left to give as my health has seriously been affected by being in this destructive relationship, I just want this non-existent, non-loving, non-trusting relationship to end and end quickly without any further abusive behaviour.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You are a wise person to get out of this relationship. Your partner is apparently an abusive alcoholic who is not seeking help, and blaming you for his problems. That is perhaps the most dangerous situation you could possibly be in--not just my opinion, but in terms of statistics regarding domestic violence, abuse and homicide.

I strongly encourage you, if you haven't already done so, to get yourself to a safe place and cover your tracks so your partner cannot find you.