Forty Winks has an interesting premise. I think you give to much information before getting to the heart of the story. The first line should be the hook, I'm not hooked at the onset. You can add the information about their odd relationship with dreams in the second sentence or the second paragraph. ...

Morning to you all. I'll take a shot in the dark at this introduction thing and start with the basic facts... I'm a nerd and a geek. My name is Lori, but I've been called any number of other names like shortie and mouthy and opinionated and... the list goes on. I only recently.. today, found Nathan'...