I mostly really like it! It's almost spot on for McCoy's authentic voice - but not quite - that's why I held back a star. McCoy's voice is a tricky one to get right but this was a really good stab at it. There were little bits i really loved, the "That was private" bit for instance. Really characterful. Not sure I can hear McCoy using the words "truly" and "merely" though.

"Because now it was my eyes that never left his face... probably because I couldn't make out whatever the medical screen were reading" Le bollocks. There is no logical veracity in that which you write. If that were the cause it would be the Bones' face his eyes scrutinised for information, not the Spock's.

There is no way I will not love a fic that tries to pin down that terrible moment when a whole load of unspoken and unacknowledged emotions spring to the surface and it is too late for more than a deep eyecontact, hands almost touching and unexpected tears dripping unto the floor.