I first noticed it when we walked back to his hotel. The old section of Udaipur has a main street that bursts with humans, rickshaws, cars and motorbikes constructed of various nuts, bolts or chromosomes. The street heaves, contracting endlessly to fit all these objects.

Offshoots from the main street become snaking one-way streets. It was down one of these streets when Allan was assaulted. With kindness.

A male shop worker slapped him affectionately on the back. Smiling broadly as he recounted how Allan bought them tea at a restaurant the other day.

Another hugged him almost tenderly, telling me that Allan spent an hour in his shop talking like old friends.

A few would idle in front of their stores, yelling a “hello” to him. The type of greeting bursting with camaraderie.

You would think the Maharaja himself was resurrected and here he was in the flesh.

What annoyed me was not Allan’s popularity, but his experiences.

How effortlessly he forged buddy connections in a short amount of time.

Most of my experiences were great, yet could not be rated as warm and fuzzy. Always the curious questions; sometimes a joke or two. When I was in a restaurant, usually one male acted as the spokesperson, while the rest hungrily gawked.

I mused about my latest one. A self-proclaimed neighbor who lived next to my guesthouse offered to drive me back one night. I had just arrived and was absolutely lost on how to get back, though had a vague idea. Vague ideas were not going to return me safely to a guesthouse at 10 p.m. I asked a few questions, felt somewhat comfortable and hopped on the back. Far away from the driver for good measure. He gushed how lucky he was to have a beautiful girl on the back of his bike, and feel free to sit closer to him. I had not resorted to what all the guides spew out about male-female interactions, but this time I did.

“No, I’m not sitting closer. I have a boyfriend.”

Eventually we pulled up to the guesthouse. I later realized he purposely took a long route to buy more time with the “beautiful” girl.

My walls were up significantly. And he knew it. I swung my leg over the Hero Honda to stand on solid ground. He tried to reassure me of his character. And look, the guesthouse is here.

Thanks for the female perspective here. I often wonder, after saying how much I love a place, if I would love it as much as if I were a woman traveling solo. We definitely do have very different travel experiences in the same place. Well written post.

@Stephen – Hey stranger! Glad to see your mug around here. It’s funny how you mention that you often wonder. It never hit me until I met Allan how different it really can be. Even love or hate for a place is factored in with gender, as much as I hate to admit that!

Yeah, it’s definitely different on the female side. I’ve found myself lamenting my non-maleness more than a few times just here in San Francisco, because I do have many male friends with the same instant-buddy demeanor. I could never achieve that, even though I want to badly, because of my own fear/assumption that my kindness will be taken the wrong way by men. Here though, it could be all in my head, where in India and many other places it’s pretty much set in stone that women are excluded from many social aspects of a culture.

I think the benefit for us is that we get to experience the female side of cultures, definitely. The mothers and grandmas.

And the sweet wise old men who treat us like granddaughters. I have met a few of those recently! Love!

@ayngelina – Totally agree on people opening up. I’ve noticed that, too. Yeah, Mark has some enviable culinary adventures. He should do his own food travel show. And he’s sexier than Zimmerman. Hey, just sayin’.

I definitely get jealous when I read Mark Wiens stories of all male cafes and know I’ll never get to experience that. But at the same time I know some of the great experiences I’ve had are because I’m female and alone and people felt safe to open up to me and wanted to welcome and protect me.My latest post is..Is gluttony really a sin

While I may not being traveling solo, I can already see the different in male/female interaction. I’m really annoyed at myself for not taking a picture of this bus driver job application that required you to be male.My latest post is..Attempting to Discover Mexico City- Mexico

@Christy @ Ordinary Traveler – How cool! They admired what you were doing and offered a friendly invitation. Whatever gender, there has to be upsides and downsides. Mostly though, I’ve gotten the upside. :)

@Gillian @OneGiantStep – It is interesting. All the solo males I met definitely had an ease to their disposition that I lacked sometimes. Then there were the times I was just like them, bold and confident.

@megan – You wrote out my emotions very well. I had the same struggles with walls going up, and slowly taking them down when I felt more comfortable. Again, I think the men just don’t know how to engage, gender socializing is a rarity.

@Lisa @chickybus – I’ve had some bonds with men, but sometimes they turn to weirdness because of sexual tension on their part. I’m curious too, what it would be like to lop off my hair, bind my breasts and walk around like a man. Oh, that’s another reality show!

Your experience in the Middle East sounds like it may have been frustrating on one point, but rewarding in another way. :)

@Oneika the Traveller – I think we both can relate to how our ethnicity colours our travels. I’ve gotten the same responses, though nobody has wanted me to kiss their babies. Lucky lady! And you add “woman” to that mix, it certainly bodes for some frustrating and amazing episodes. Girl, we should have our own reality show. Ethnic babes in Europe. I like it. :)

Loved this post. Everybody’s experience is different, though admittedly, some of our experiences as solo travellers are affected by the fact that we are women. For me, having Black skin has also affected my experiences abroad, especially in places where there are few people who look like me. People have stared, chased me to get their picture, asked me to hold/kiss their babies… It’s like being an instant celebrity…! In Poland, I got a ton of attention from the locals, while my fair-skinned, European-descended travel companion didn’t get a second glance… So, same destination; different experience in this case as well, despite both of us being female travellers!My latest post is..Style File- Solids

I love this post….I totally get it and have felt it before in many places, including the Middle East. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to travel as a man…how it would feel. And at times, I’ve envied some of the guys I’ve met who didn’t have to deal with certain things.

At the same time, though, we women do have something special, a certain bond, which is pretty amazing. In the Middle East, I felt very taken care of by the women (like a little sister) and I loved it!My latest post is..Hama- Syria’s Water Wheels- Wild- Weird and Wonderful

I love that you pointed out the benefits of traveling solo as a woman. I have experienced this myself many times. One of my fondest memories is being invited to stay the night in a family’s home in Madrid who I had just met on a plane. They had 4 daughters and said they could only hope that when their daughters get old enough somebody would do the same for them if they were traveling alone in a foreign country.My latest post is..Adelaide Hostel – San Francisco- CA

I finally stopped being jealous of men who can travel without being hissed at and without fearing for their safety. There are perks as a solo female traveler too.My latest post is..Being a Nerd in Buenos Aires

This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about too, especially after travelling in India for a few weeks with a male companion who made friends with anyone and everyone and then doing it solo. I was never scared when I was on my own but my walls were much faster to go up – sometimes I struggled taking them down (with men, at least) at all.My latest post is..My room in Kathmandu

I love this post, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. You can visit the same place as millions of other people, but you’re experience and perception of it will be unique.My latest post is..I’m Different When I Travel

Jeannie, I absolutely love this post! You’ve said so many of the things I’ve been thinking but have never written about . It’s truly a different world for solo female travelers. Being a male or half of a couple is just not the same. I don’t think some people “get” that.My latest post is..Cherry Blossoms in Korea

Excellent comparison. I struggle to not compare my experiences with those that are solo, or male, or more outgoing, or have more money, or…but, you’re right, in the end your experience is YOURS and others will be looking to you and comparing their own experiences too. Cheers!My latest post is..Coming Home- One Year Later