Category Archives: Guest Blog

My sister is stepping in to do a guest blog. Isn’t it cute how she *’s out the “i” in Bitch in her title? Ha – I think she forgot she was writing for my crass, whiskey-saoked blog. Goes to show that we have pretty different, ok … very different styles. Some of you are a bit more classically stylish like she is though, so I always love when she gets a chance to write.

It’s pretty funny she’s the one that’s blogging and that she’s blogging about work, seeing how I’m currently unemployed and technically should have all day to write, but instead I’m … looking … constantly … for jobs. Or watching The Voice. So you know.

I hope you enjoy this post by her. Especially if you work in an office environment where business casual (is that what this is?) is the way to go. Me? I only find myself looking for jobs now where I have the freedom to wear whatever I want. I’ve been spoiled and won’t ever back!

Enjoy! Happy Monday! xoxo, Lou

When I first started my office job in the fanciest building on campus at my alma mater, I was Jazzed about wearing Office Clothes. Visions of me dressed like this were dancing in my head:

Sometimes, I’m not far off this mark. BUT, suits are crazy expensive, and one can only come up with so many clever combinations of suit-top-heels before one gets a little bored with office attire. After only a short time at my office job, this is how I felt about wearing office clothes:

As previously mentioned, I work in The Fancy Building on campus. The university president works in this building. There is definitely a dress code. (Side Bar: We have actual Casual Fridays and people really do say “T.G.I.F.!” It can make life feel a lot like a quirky sitcom.)

Needless to say, I’m on the younger end of the employee spectrum, and most people in the building tend to walk the conservative line when it comes to work wear. So I realized I had two choices: Fall into the same habits of my coworkers, and try to blend in, OR, be true to myself and my love of clothes, and have as much fun as possible within the parameters of Looking Professional.

I never thought I’d be a Blazer Girl. But I LOVE My Blazer. Investing in a great Blazer is so worthwhile when you need to wear Work Clothes on the regular. It polishes up any ensemble, for example:

Without the blazer, that outfit is super casual. It’s a cotton turtleneck, relaxed-fit skirt, and some booties. But add the blazer, and voila! Polish.

Another great work staple is the Pencil Skirt. I commute by bicycle most of the time, so this item is reserved for carpool days. Be Forewarned: pencil skirts have a volatile magic. You will probably not open a single door for yourself all day, but it’s likely because the door-holder is enjoying the view:

It’s easy to fall into Pin Up Girl territory here, so pairing the magic skirt with a simple cotton top and cozy shrug gives it some balance.

Speaking of inappropriate office outfits, I’m pretty sure this dress was way too short for me to wear to work:

I wore that white cardigan over it and somehow decided that made it more modest, but looking at this picture I’m kinda surprised I didn’t get sent home to change. Hello, legs!

Which is not to say that dresses in general can’t be Work Appropriate. Do you have a spirit animal? I do, and her name is Taylor Swift. One morning Swifty ran into some Joan from Mad Men inspiration to create the following work outfit:

I really wanted to wear the Ray Bans all day, but they made it hard to see my computer screen.
T-shirts can also make for a good work ensemble, so long as you apply the requisite Polish.

Example One, The Tee / Cardigan Layered Look:

Example Two: The Button Down / Tee / Cardigan Combo:
(I have no clue what I’m doing in this picture, but I like my outfit)

It’s important for my office steez to be bicycle friendly whenever possible, so I’ve invested in a lot of good Pants over the last year and a half. The goal is always slim cut, ankle or capri length, for the ease of hopping on the bike to G-O! These wine colored gems are one of my new favorite pairs (shown with a little daytime sparkle!):

I also decided awhile back that toothpick cords are completely work appropriate, and no one has ever contradicted me, so:

(you better work, b*tch)

Clearly we must now segue into Sweaters. It’s fall, and I love sweaters. Let’s enjoy this one again:

This is what I’m wearing today, and so many people have commented on “the chicken” on my sweater, to which I can only reply, “Chickens don’t wear berets.”

Remember how we have actual Casual Fridays? Well you still don’t want to look like a hot mess, especially when your university prez is on the TLC tip. He don’t want no scrubs.

Casual Friday Example One:

The shorts were a gamble, but the polish here? Oxfords and a cute, simple sweater. Nautical theme!

Casual Friday Example Two:

Jeans and some school-spirit red plaid, with more oxford polish.

See? Dressing for work can be – and should be – fun. Even if your office has Professional Polish Parameters (yay, alliteration!) there are always opportunities to be creative. Find your spirit animal and let her shine! Then, if your sister has a fashion blog, you can take lots of mini work breaks by creating a catalog of outfit selfies which will one day become a What to Wear at the Office post. Cheers, Lou!

I used to watch Gossip Girl. When I was in grad school it was a perfectly mindless escape of beautiful bodies dressed in beautiful clothing and the drama was absurd and I loved it!

However, that sort of shallowness can only last so long with no major plot changes so not only did I stop watching years ago, but the show, after 6 wonderfully Gossipy years, is coming to an end.

Which can only mean one thing … fashion retrospective! This was largely my sister’s idea, but sure, why the hell not? We can sit around and talk about which Sex and the City star we most relate to much like we can sit around and debate which Gossip Girl starlet’s closet we’d most like to raid.

She is undoubtedly a preppy Blair, played by uber adorable Leighton Meester. Whereas I really prefer Serena’s quirky mismatching.

And then, well, she doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to make my oldest and sassiest sister get drunk this weekend while I’m visiting her in Seattle and give me all sorts of quotes about how stupid Vanessa is on that show.

Seriously. Look at this picture. What an awkward dummy.

Anyway, that’s what I’m working on. Of course, like I said, I’ll be drunk in Seattle most of the weekend, so I wouldn’t expect it anytime too soon. But in the meantime you can go study up and tell me which Gossip Girl’s closet you’d most like to pillage.

The party girl in me really wishes this post actually had something to do with a combination of rowdy fun and shopping carts, but it does not.

Instead it’s a follow up to the post I wrote about my Urban Outfitter purchases. My sister, who keeps a blog over at reallivingbeauty.com, and who has been known to guest blog for me, AND who is far more classy than me, sent me an email after reading about my very Lou-like purchases to share her own recent shopping cart revelation. Not that I think it was a revelation as much as it was, hey! Looking at your style in the sphere of online shopping cart collections is pretty fun!

I thought it was funny because at the end of the day, we have very, very different styles and I love that. And wanted to share it. Because she is adorable and wears stuff I would never think to wear and pulls it off like a babe. Like a classic, preppy babe. And… now remember how difficult it can be to write after a few glasses of wine. Ahem.

So, let’s take a look at what she chose, shall we? As I collected the photos I kept shaking my head like, no … but then being like, yeahhhh, when I started to think of her.

Top

I would never in a trillion years wear this, which is why I really want her to send me a picture of her wearing it because I have no doubt she will show me how adorable it is on her. Ok…maybe a million years. Cause I’ll admit I could MAYBE see myself throwing it on in this color if I were borrowing it from her:

She also got this blazer:

I’m not a blazer person, are you? I don’t deny that it can look really babe-a-licious though….

Pick your poison, although I probably would have given first prize to Gwyneth … and who the holy hell is that Zooey Deshchanel crackhead looking lady? Is it Z.D. in character? I dunno, am I drunk? Yikes.

Anyway, I could, or would never, try to pull off the blue my sis went with. Black, maybe. And only black and shades of black, like gray.

Moving on!

Bottoms

Ok. These are cute:

I don’t know about pairing it with that sweat shirt, JCREW, and damn that model has grossly airbrushed skinny legs, but the shorts, the shorts are cute. My sis is wearing them out tonight and promised us a picture, so she better uphold my statement that these are cute.

She also got this skirt:

But again, in some weird blue color. I mean, it’s not that weird … I guess I just don’t wear a lot of blue. The skirt itself is tres classic. Very her. And basic, and well, just something you can’t really go wrong with as a wardrobe staple.

Accessory

She is coveting this purse:

Which … really? I mean, again, it’s really classic. But a type of classic you could find the worn version of at a thrift store. How much is J. Crew charging for this? Probably like, $300 cause they’re assholes.

But you see? How cohesive is this for her? Very. I’m sure she’d sit around and call my clothes “hipster” and I sit around and say, classic, classic, classic, but that’s what she is! In style as well as in demeanor. Classy broad. And her online shopping cart proves it.

Now I just want to go fill up more shopping carts full of shit I can’t really afford because it’s just really fun to see the collections you can create.

My lady Crystal is at it again. Remember when she wrote about Miley’s short new ‘do? Well this time she’s back to talk to you about breaking the rules and dressing for your body type, dressing to feel good, and being an all around sexy badass. So proud of you, Chinga!

I’m up next with another profile on Miss Paige, her love for all things neon, and what it’s like to be an art gallery owning babe. Until then! xoxo, Lou

I’m fat, in a general sense of the word. Average (or slightly below) according to the CDC’s body measurement data for the US. Huge, probably, to a model or midget. And thin, skinny or teeny-tiny to someone who knew me a year and a half ago.

I met Miss Cheap Wine and Pantylines herself two summers ago on a kickball league. I was a few months into a new lifestyle change where I was trying to take back a body that I never felt I had control over. That summer, I was about 25lbs into my journey and I am now about 50lb more. Loosing close to 75lbs put me in a body I had no idea how to dress. And over wine one afternoon, I was asked to write a post about Dressing For Your Body.

There are a lot of fashion faux pas that are bad across the board for a size 2 or a 22, but it’s all about testing what looks good on your body. For me, it meant trying EVERYTHING on, even when I assumed it would fit (cause it was my “size”) or when I thought it would look terrible (skin tight neon jeans). So here are a few “rules” I felt like breaking to prove my point.

Don’t wear bright colors or things that are tight…

Fuck that noise!! And here is where Lucy and I may disagree, but I am into the bright color trend. Maybe not neon specifically, but bold is good as long as it’s paired with a neutral. Maybe even more specifically, with white or black. I read and heard SO MUCH shit when leggings and skinny jeans became a trend about how plus size chicks shouldn’t wear them. (Made me nostalgic for the “Spandex is a privilege, not a right” era.) Personally, I think skinny jeans look BETTER on a more curvy frame, but maybe that’s just me…

Think of it the same way you do when you wear makeup. If you are going to do a heavy smokey eye, nude lip is the way to go. Simple earth tone eyes? Rock that red pout. If I am going to wear something tight on my lower half, the top is gonna be flowy. If I have a tight or even low cut top, the my lower half is gonna be in something relaxed. It’s about balance mother fuckers.

Don’t wear prints! White makes you look larger!

Listen, people know what size you are. Spanx may smooth you out, but they’re not turning a size 14 into a size 4. Wear clothes that fit, plain and simple. If you wear clothes that don’t fit (too big OR too small), you’ll make yourself look at least 10-20lbs heavier. (Lady Gaga weight gain “scandal”? If she wasn’t a performer dancing around in tiny pieces of leather, there would be no scandal as no one would have noticed.) Here’s a good example and not one randomly found online. This is my friend Rachel, who showed up my door in the outfit on the left and I sent her on her way in the outfit on the right.

Dark colors are slimming, but don’t steer clear of an outfit because it’s white. White is clean and classic and if you can keep yourself dirt free, then you have my permission to rock that shit. Prints can be a sticky situation because plus size clothing more often than not looks tacky and garish and the prints look lifted either from the 80’s or from a small child. Keep it simple. Polka-dots are a small obsession of mine and classic prints like Houndstooth or even Gingham will always be in style.

Don’t wear X (insert revealing clothing here):

I have really long torso and hold my weight in my midsection so crop-tops are not a look that I am comfortable with. That does not however, mean they are out for all plus size ladies. (Or that they are in for any smaller ladies for that matter). Check out this chick rockin’ a crop-top like a Queen! Holla!

If you’ve got it, flaunt it. Even if “it” isn’t necessarily in fashion. Got an awesome rack? Show it off! Working hard on those lat muscles? Rock an open backed number. I have awesome legs if I do say so myself, so the shorter the shorts and dresses, the better!

Don’t pay attention to the label as sizes haven’t been standardized since the 1950’s. That old saying that “Marilyn Monroe was a size 12”? I don’t know many women (size 12 or otherwise) who have a 22 inch waist. Which would make Ms. Monroe a 00 or XXS in today’s world. (Check out this handy dandy chart to see how much sizes vary from brand to brand: http://sizes.darkgreener.com/) Size ain’t nothin’ but a number, similar to weight on a scale. What size clothing would someone who is 150lbs wear? Well, depending on the body, could be a 6 could be a 10 or maybe even a 12.

Any guesses as to how much I weigh? A bag of coffee to the closest guess 😉 [girl works at Stumptown, ya’ll]

Moral of the story is dress your body in what fits, period. Clothes that fit correctly will always be flattering, weather or not it’s trendy or in style. ❤

My homegirl Crystal hit me up today because she was SO excited about how sexy Miss Miley Cyrus is looking with her new short locks (have you seen yet??). She asked if she could write a guest blog about it. I said duh. Here is what she wants you all to know about being a badass and being a babe, all with no hair to hide behind. Enjoy!

Celebrities have been making headlines with short hair since Mia Farrow got a pixie from Vidal Sassoon for Rosemary’s Baby.

A couple days ago Miley Cyrus chopped off her topknot and the internet is now a buzz with criticism. It’s your typical Mean Girls insult factory mostly revolving around two slams: 1) that she looks like a man or 2) that she looks like a lesbian. Damn, that’s cold brah.

And I get it. I have more than a few male and female friends who think short hair isn’t feminine or pretty. Oh course, looking around at most media depictions of women, shoulder length or longer is pretty much standard. A quick Google image search of “Maxium Covers” shows exactly one photo of a girl with a chin length bob. Nothing shorter. Glamour magazine doesn’t fair much better with three covers, one being Rihanna and the other two being choppy midlengths, but no pixies. Obviously women with short hair are not pretty enough to be on the cover of a magazine. (snark, eyeroll, snark)

Here’s the thing. Having short hair means you can’t hide. Your face, neck, shoulders are all out there for the world to see. Short hair in my mind is associated with being kickass, punk rock, take no prisoners. Maybe I was too into Tank Girl when I was a teenager.

The short haired celebrities that I can think of are, for the most part, not models and certainly not what I see represented in mainstream media. (See: P!nk, Amber Rose, Ginnifer Goodwin, Rhinna, Ellen Degeneres) I actually had to stop and take a moment to rack my brain for that small list, if that tells you anything. (From Lou: Michelle Williams!!)

But back to Miley. This chick is everything I despise: Cookie Cutter, Disney manufactured, faux-tantalizing malarkey. And don’t get me started on how she threw Annie Leibovitz under the bus for that Vanity Fair spread… But I digress.

Miley took her cutesy little topknot and chopped it off.

And guess what? Chick don’t have *no wear* to hide.

But here’s the silver lining… When you don’t have your hair to hide behind, you become more tough, more brazen, more daring with your style. You wear more make up… Scratch that. You wear more exaggerated, fun, exciting makeup. You don’t have to be “pretty” anymore and instead can be a fucking badass. I think she looks pretty dope.

And you couldn’t have paid me to say that before.

Lou here. I just want to give a quick steez shout out to my lady friend Lindsey. She might kill me for saying this, but when I first saw Miley’s new hair, I immediately thought of her and the first time we met. I had a major girl crush on her because her HAIR was SO rad. And she’s just a majorly awesome babe, so that helped too. I was so impressed with her ballsiness. Going from this:

Gradually to this:

HOT.

Being a complete baby about changing my hair, I was so attracted to the audacity she displayed with a not so simple shorn. I totally wanted to be her friend. And then I was. And it was awesome.

❤

Thanks to Crystal for admitting she thinks Miley Cyrus is a badass (for the record, I also think she looks awesome with her new ‘do). Until next time … tell us your stories about short hair. Seems to me it’s a right of passage we all go through, or should go through, unless you’re a total pussy like me and can only get to this length before bitching out.

There are pictures of Rihanna in a bikini, so you should probably go check it out and get an eyeful while also learning about 3 ladies who take a healthy stance about body image in an industry rife with unhealthy expectations.

Here are the things that occurred to me while reading So0o Bro’s latest contribution:

Pull-ups are fucking hard. I’ve never been able to do one in my life even though I think I’m actually pretty strong.

DESPI swimwear…is this a hipster thing? I’ve never heard of this line. So0o Bro just fashion shamed me on my own blog. What a bitch.

I added all the celebrity photos. Obviously. Cause when I drink I’ll take any excuse to look up some smutty photos.

Emily Wolfer took some photos of our douchey drill sergeant. Check out more of her beautiful work HERE.

And finally, working out blows. I did it today. And now I’m home with and all I have energy to do is this:

Ok! Now enjoy some douchey work out advice!

No Gym, No Problem!

$40 a month for a gym membership you’re never going to use is one way of fucking up your drinking budget. That’s like 6.5 six packs of High Life tall boys! Fuck that!

Don’t worry. I have the 5 basic workouts that will help tone your whole body and keep you out of that Douche Bag filled gym (the less you hipsters go to the gym, the less I have to wait for you to get off my FUCKING weights). No need for dumbbells or workout machines, we are going to use our own body weight. MONEY SAVER!

PUSH-UPS, SIT-UPS, SQUATS, LUNGES, (and if you have a bar) PULL-UPS. That’s it. These exercises when done to the point of muscle failure and when mixed in with your cardio, can give you a full body workout that will get you in that hot new DESPI bikini you have been working so hard for. But just like any other workout, YOU NEED TO PUSH YOURSELF!

The last few reps of these exercises should be tough and you should fail most of time. THAT IS WHAT WE WANT. If you can do your sets with ease then you need to do more reps! Hit that wall and eventually break through the motherfucker!

Let’s start with PUSH-UPS.

The most basic exercise out there and it can work more then just your chest. Depending on your hand placement you can work your arms, chest and back. Ohh, and your CORE!!!

That’s right! Try doing your push-ups with one leg raised and out to the side. Make sure you do this with both legs to work both sides of your core. This one is a killer and one of my favorites! Make sure to keep that leg elevated and focus on using your core to keep it from dropping. It might take some time getting your core strong enough to balance and get a good number of reps in but do as many as you can till you physically can’t do anymore and it should be fine.

Just like the push-ups, there are tones of different ways to work your core and make that stomach lean and BANGIN’! We have all seen the PLAMKING videos and if you have never tried it you should!

Try planking for 2 minutes straight and then tell me that shit isn’t hard. Don’t worry, I’ll wait!… That shit’s hard, right?! And it’s great for your core! Mix that in with some leg lifts and crunches and you will really rock those center abs. Do some side crunches and hit the oblique’s (my favorite) and you will start to strengthen that core for real.

Here is a link to 10 different workouts for your abs. There is so much good shit on the web!

On to the ass! BAMN! SQUATS!

Squats are the BUTT shaper! If you want a rounder, tighter ass then squats are going to be your best friend. The best part is they’re the easiest exercise to see results fast! It is also a great workout for your hamstrings. Some sites say to hold dumbbells for more of a challenge but if you don’t have them you can use just your body weight and do more reps or use water bottles or other objects of weight around your house.

(Lou: Easily one of the best celebrity butts. Which is great since she has nothing else going for her.)

To finish off the legs we are going to do LUNGES! These fucking suck! But, man, do they work your legs! I do a lot of lunges to strengthen my legs for cycling and it works! This could be the best all around leg workout you can do. If they become too easy with your body weight then hold 12 packs of PBR in each hand and give that a try. You can always drink a few beers to lighten the weight but remember you will have to do more cardio to burn off those calories!

Daaaamn Girl!!

Last but not least is PULL-UPS/CHIN-UPS. This is a great exercise, but only for those that have a pull up bar at home or something that can support your weight like a tree branch or that pull-up bar at your neighborhood park. Now just to clarify, pull-ups are with the back of your hands facing you and chin-ups are with the palms of your hands facing you. A lot of people think they’re the same thing but they do work different parts of the body.

The pull-ups are going to hit your back and shoulder muscles more and chin-ups will work your biceps more. Both of these exercises of course have different variations, like wide grip and close grip, and you can also rock your abs by lifting your knees to your chest or holding your legs straight out while you pull up.

(Lou: I bet Cameron Diaz can do some mean pull-up)

So there are your exercises that you can easily do at home. Since we aren’t trying to bulk up and just want to tone, we are going to do high reps and around 3-5 sets. 5 is not high reps, 20 is high reps (of course you wont be able to do 20 pull-ups or maybe even push-ups right away but you get the idea).

When I first started working out these were my exercises I would do in the morning when I woke up. I would do them every other day, which was a good way to start out and eventually turned it up. After the third week or so I needed some motivation to continue what I like to call my PRISON WORKOUTS so I started to make the workouts into games to keep me going.

A deck of cards is a great tool for all these exercises except maybe the pull-ups (you will see why). What I liked to do was take a deck of cards and flip one at a time and then do the face value of that card, face cards are 10 and aces alternate from 1 to 11. So for instance, I would be doing push-ups and I would flip over the first card and we will say that card is a 5. I would do 5 push-ups and then flip over the next card. I would do 5 cards and then take a 90 second break and then try another 5 cards. I would do this until I was physically drained and couldn’t do another single push-up. How long will it take you to do the whole deck?

You can do this game with any exercise really and can even give an exercise to each suit. So hearts can be squats, diamonds are push-ups, lunges are spades, and clubs are Sit-ups. This way you can rest muscles while working others!
I would recommend doing what is called super sets when you are starting out. This is when you move from one exercise to the other without resting. This will keep your heart rate up which will burn more beer off! Isn’t that why we are doing this in the first place?

WOW! That is a lot of information to throw at you at one time. Just remember that working-out is not easy and you will need to push yourself. Also, cut your cardio days in between your strength days to allow your body to recover, and GET YOUR PROTEIN! (Lou: I’m making So0o Bro write his next post about healthy garbage I can eat to trick my body that it’s still getting delicious garbage. Surprise! Next assignment, buddy. What the fuck do I eat when I’m hungover???)

(I just have to say, I was late getting this post up because I was too busy getting drunk in a movie theater watching Prometheus in 3D. And after reading it, I realize I am totally one of those people that works out like, twice a week, and considers it a success.Typically, I just find there is something I would way rather do than workout and yeah, I pay for it with a back that hurts and way too many hangovers, but shit, I have a lot of fun.

I know I don’t want to speed up my aging cause I’m a vain bitch, but I know that’s exactly what will happen if I stay this lazy and this consistently drunk. I really do want to make some minor tweaks to my lifestyle (which I imagine is where a lot of us are .. not yet at the 5-6 days of cardio this guy suggests, pft, but starting slow is still something to be proud of!) For my part, I’m still waiting for my initial motivation to kick in…hoping these So0obro posts push me there. Enjoy!)

What’s up CWPL readers?! SO0o Bro is back with more fitness advice for you drunk-ass Hipsters. Lil’ Lou sent me the hundreds of emails you sent her and I was surprised to see what most of you wanted to know about.

Besides wondering if I’m single or not (971-227-8345 – find out for yourself), the next most asked question was about different CARDIO workouts to shred the FAT. Knowing that most of you readers drink A LOT, I’m guessing that running is not your best friend (SHIT, you probably hate working out and are just reading this post because your friends with Lil’ Lou). So, I’m going to give you some different CARDIO workouts to choose from and YOU can choose which one works best for you.
YES, PLEASE!!!
First off, it should be mentioned that Cardio, actually working out in general, SUCKS. Working out for the first time after a long break can be very exciting as well as defeating. YOU NEED TO REMEMBER IT GETS BETTER. That soreness that you’re hating so much will eventually go away and you might actually miss it once it’s gone! That shortness of breath from running around the block will eventually come after an 8 mile run! YOU WILL HAVE RESULTS. Well…if you push yourself as hard as you can. Your mind will quit long before your body!
Don’t think working out hard is sexy? THINK AGAIN! Girl, I want to see you SWEATING and have some FIRE in your eyes. If you are smiling during your run, you need to start running faster!

(Lou: Cute Suit!)

CYCLE, RUN, SWIM, and wait for it…

DANCE!!!

That’s right, DANCING. This shit burns calories like SNOOP burns TREES! Whether you’re on the pole or dancing to soul, this is a great alternative to conventional workouts. Plus it shows dudes how great you are in the sack (guys totally judge women on their dancing skills! KNOWN FACT), and not to mention it’s done best with a drink in hand! (Lou: Count me in)

Also, YOU CAN DANCE ANYWHERE, FOR FREE! Dance in the right place and you can even make a buck or two. Don’t want to cut a rug in public? Keep your dancing at home! Put on that record you can’t help but move to and go at it for an hour or two. The key is to continue moving. KEEP THE HEART RATE UP. Dance for 2 hours and you will burn around 700 calories or MORE!!! BOOM!

Dancing can also be a great core exercise! But remember you want to get that HEART RATE UP and really push yourself to keep moving at a good pace.
So, whether your running everyday or dancing to your favorite BUSTA RHYME$ album, just remember to go harder and faster than last time. Doing cardio 1 day a week ain’t gonna do SHIT!!! You need to be doing cardio 5-6 days a week and giving yourself 1-2 days rest. Also remember to eat well and DRINK LESS! (LOU! This means you) The more you DRINK the more you have to RUN! (Lou: ew)

God Bless guest blogs. Amirite? This one here is from my sister. She’s a lady. A proper lady with very lady-like fashion, and very lady-like speech. Unlike my cuss mouth. And I’m also pretty sure she wasn’t drunk when she wrote this, although she is a Dwyer, so you never know.

My big sis happens to be poor like me on account of obtaining a stellar, expensive as fuck education. Yay! Instead of crying about it, we like to find ways around it (sometimes we cry about it), which is what she’s here to tell you about. Finding lady-like fashion options all on the cheap. So grab a glass (or bottle) of wine and enjoy!

Style Icons. We all have them, and they exist in a myriad of incarnations. When I think of my sisters, I appreciate how distinct our different styles are. My older sister has a very relaxed yet elegant style, similar to Blake Lively and Jennifer Aniston.

Meanwhile my younger sister – author of this fantastic blog – has, as you can see, a very hip, edgy, bohemian vibe a la Sienna Miller or Nicole Richie.

If I could afford it, I would probably never shop anywhere other than Kate Spade and JCrew. But yikes – have you seen their prices?? So how do I dress myself with ladylike flair as a gal of limited means?

Here’s where we talk about one of the most important words in this post: Sale.

Can you remember the last time you bought something full price? I cannot. In fact, it has been so long since I felt justified in purchasing a Brand New item, that I’ve been hemming and hawing over this dress for months now. I have a job. I can afford it, more or less. It’s for a Friend’s Wedding that I am Officiating. I have the Bride’s Approval (xoxo, C!) so what is holding me back?? It’s not on sale. And on sale is the only way I know how to shop. Well, On Sale paired with Thrift Stores and Buffalo Exchange, which amount to essentially the same thing.

Here’s a prime example: I am obsessed with these pants. Obsessed. They look great, they’re comfy, and I can ride my bike in them. Exhibit A:

-Confession: this was for a film shoot and that’s not my bike. I’m wearing a ton more makeup than normal and those lashes are completely fake. But those are my Minnie Pants-

But I can only buy them when they go on sale. In my size. Because $88+ for pants sounds crazy to me. I live on an artist’s salary, people. So at the moment I have two pair, though I must confess, that Vibrant Flame color is begging to be #3…. (Go on Sale, Vibrant Flame Minnie Pants!)

My denim Minnie Pants are the perfect base for Ladylike Casual, and my knit Minnie Pants are perfect for workplace attire. If only they went on sale more often.

When shopping on a budget it’s also key to scour thrift stores and shop at Buffalo Exchange, if you’re lucky enough to have one where you live. Scouring is key. You have to hunt for the gems, so don’t head out to shop expecting instant gratification. Some of my favorite items from such excursions include:

JCrew flats

1950’s vintage party dress

This shrug.* That necklace. And those gloves.

Not a single item featured above cost me more than $30.

Another key word in fancy dress for less: Borrow. Let’s zoom in on those Ah-mazing heels featured in the first photo of me:

These are not mine. These belong to my friend Amelia, who also dresses like a lady but has longer purse strings. Luckily she is also kind and generous, so I get to borrow these shoes.

There are some items though that just remain elusive, in spite of the aforementioned tactics. For example, I’ve yet to find a black, structured, ladylike bag that I can afford, even on sale. I love this bag and this bag, but even on sale they’re too much, and I have found nothing comparable in my price range.

This leads us to, last but not least, a handy little phrase: Save to Invest.

It might seem insane because you are so thrifty, but I promise that if you find something that you Love that is of Very High Quality, it can be worth it to pinch those pennies until you can afford it. Odds are good that if you properly care for such items, they will be with you Forever.

Case in point: When I ended up going to Paris on my way to study abroad in Spain, I couldn’t stop dreaming of Shoes. Shoes in Paris. So I made a point of including a Shoe Budget as I saved up for my trip. In the end I had about $300 to spend on shoes. Which yes, is totally F*ing bananas. But I may never go back to Paris, because I’m too busy paying off the student loans I took out to study abroad in the first place, so there I was living in the moment. And the end result?

These were not on sale, and they were not cheap. But I’ve had them for five years now, I’ve worn them a ton, and they look as great as the day that I bought them. They’re also the only stilettos I own, because they’re the most comfortable stilettos on the planet.