Q: I’m almost 40 and can’t find a meaningful relationship. I push everyone away. I’m very lost and lonely. I know there is a happy person inside of me, but I don’t know how to find her. It’s bringing me down in all aspects of my life: I no longer exercise, I sleep a lot and I don’t even care to go to work anymore. How can I find inner peace?

-Amy

A: Hi Amy,

I’m very sorry to find you feeling lost and lonely. Loneliness creates a persistent pain, which produces a deeply emotional and unsettling psychological ache. Like your shadow in bright sunlight, you can’t escape it. You also mention that you’re unhappy, “push everyone away,” “sleep a lot” and lack the motivation to go to work. When I put this all together, it sounds like depression. Here is what I suggest.

Make an appointment with a therapist to discuss all of this. My instinct tells me that all the things concerning and upsetting you are related and that the relief you seek is a lot closer than you think. If depression is causing your feelings, there are remedies that can change that rather quickly. Once you find that “happy person inside,” you’ll stop pushing everyone away and become more emotionally available for that meaningful relationship you’re looking for. But first, make that appointment and get help. It’s the first step toward healing, getting your life back and finding happiness.