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Dating

October 31, 2012

In marketing (and logistics) there is a phenomenon known as the push and pull system. It describes the movement of product between two subjects. In push demand, suppliers can predict demand and supplies product accordingly. In pull demand, the consumers have a need and demand the products and services to fulfill that need.

Bored yet?

Well guys, I am talking about love - the demand or need for it. A poignant line in the movie, "The Color Purple," the character Shug Avery states, "Us sing and dance and holler just trying to be loved."

So true Shug, so true.

Sometimes the more you do to be loved, the more love alludes you. I have seen this push/pull effect in so many relationships.

The Push - I see that you are in need of love and I determine that I am going to be that for you, regardless, of your affections/behavior toward me.

The Pull - I want this but I am fearful that time or some other factor will keep me from it. In fear, I try to force the relationship to go where I want it to go.

What is driving these processes? What causes otherwise rational beings to behave so irrationally when it comes to relationships? It is fear. Fear is the saboteur of love. The Bible declares that:

"There is no fear in love; but perfectlove casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." I John 4:18

The Pull/Push system assumes love to be the product exchanged between
two people. Love is the process itself. It is the continuous exchange. I
heard it described by Pastor Tony Evans as passionately and righteously
pursuing the well-being of another. W.O.W.

September 11, 2012

A chance encounter. A fateful event. Something to indicate that we (whoever that other part of we is) are destined to be. Is that crazy?

Don't answer that.

A friend of mine jokes that I am like the character Sara Thomas in the movie Serendipity. She is all like, Felicia, the stars have to align and the heavens open as sign that he (whoever that he is) is the one. Ok, really? I get her point. I am not so delusional as to think the stars will literally align and the sun shine down on the forehead of my intended but I do have to admit, I want a little magic.

I used to be really bad at the Lord-is-this-a-sign-itis. I would literally, mid-conversation- stare intently at a guy and ask - Lord is he the one. I am sure all of those guys thought I was crazy. lol Maybe I am a little bit. I mean, I was a smart kid. I paid attention in school. Completed my MBA - yada, yada, and the yada. So, I am capable of learning. Yet, no one has ever taught me how to date. I truly suck at it. I always, always, always get my signals crossed. If I project friendship, I get love letters. If I project interest, I get the "you're the bomb.com" line from Just Wright.

I blame my mother! lol Isn't easy just to blame our parent(s). I distinctly remember a guy that would come by and visit me when I was like fifteen or something. It was so very benign. We would sit on my front porch and chat. Well, one day my mom was out there and this guy gets the courage to ask my mom if he could take me to the movies. To which, my mom replies, "I don't think she is ready for that." Point. Blank. Period.

I was MORTIFIED. So much so that I told him he should probably stop coming around. Overreacted much? You betcha. I have always been a bit emotional but the guy I did end up with, never asked her squat. He just would sneak around when she was at work.

Parents, smh.

Fast forward today and I am still mentally on that porch waiting. Wow, that was like the saddest line I have ever written, lol. I have to get off of the stupid porch, for heavens sake! But, how? Be more practical, I guess.

I am not saying that I am growing cynical; maybe a little more, dare I say it, practical. Even as I type this, I still hope - just a bit - for a little magic.

August 18, 2012

This week has been trying physically, let me tell you. I have been subjected to mandatory overtime, while trying to maintain my amped up workouts and developing a social life. All of this has left me T.I.R.E.D.

Had to steal away and pray.

My social calendar this week - dinner with a friend, out to the Beamers again (my friend had free buffet passes) and a writer's workshop. Not too hectic until you throw in a ten hour work day that starts at 6:30 am. Try as I might, I just cannot enjoy Beamers, I am sorry. I know we went at "dinnertime" and left before it turned into a ""club but it still feels like a club when I am there. I still feel out of place.

My friend who went with me last week said to me, "Girl, that last man who asked you to dance was cute, something must be wrong with you."

Yes, I am saved. I am trying to find a balance between being social and meeting people and staying in God's will and before you roll your eyes and dismiss my comment, please read on.

I bought this really cute dress, specifically for going out and being social. When I was trying it on, the dressing room attended states, "Ohh that is cute but if you're going out it needs to be shorter." I decide to not to be me for a while and take her advice. Let me tell you, when I walked through the door, men were just kinda drawn to me or it. lol The dress is form fitted black lace with a nude slip. In the right light it probably looks as if the wearer is naked when actually everything is pretty much covered up. Pair that with some five inch heels and you have got yourself a brick house. lol The illusion is grand.

I had not sat down five minutes when a guy buys me a drink and this is after I say, "No, thank you." I give the drink to one of the ladies I am with. That "man", that my friend mentioned, was kinda all over me. He asks me to dance, we talk a bit, and I brush him off. He leaves. Later on in the night he comes back and is a bit more aggressive - respectful but aggressive. It gave me the creeps. lol.

I have tried, against my internal hesitation, to do the Single's Ministry thing. I have found that to be lacking in so many areas - poorly planned and executed. I have tried being more open and even tolerating people, behavior, and attitudes that I would have dismissed in a heartbeat in an effort to be more social. Trust me, I have a low threshold for untoward behavior. Yet, I tolerate more. I have been told that I am mean and dismissive. I actively try not to be those things.

The things that I enjoy are a bit more cerebral - museums, plays, writing, traveling, PBS, like-minded people, my family, good music, and dance class. Not exactly activities for casual meeting of strangers.

The honest truth is, when I was out, I felt dishonest. I am not the woman that dress and heels projected. I want to meet someone being me - nerd glasses, afro and all. The man I want to want me has to know that I am more than a big butt and a smile. Trust me that dress I was wearing was a total big butt and smile kinda dress. lol