“I never watched Friends,” he tells PEOPLE in the latest issue, on newsstand Friday. “They’re not my friends — I never had friends like that. How long do you want to drink coffee for? It’s insane. Do these people work? I kinda wanted to kill all those friends, honestly.”

In an exclusive video, the outspoken chef — who just released his first cookbook in over 10 years, Appetites — shares some surprising truths about himself and advice he has for others. First, he thinks all Americans should be able to make a decent omelet. “Particularly if they’re planning on ever having sex with anybody,” he says. “I mean it’s the least you can f—— do is make them a goddamn omelet.”

You’ll never find the Parts Unknown host chowing down on a box of chicken McNuggets. “I’ve had enough reasons in my life, many many many times, to hate myself in the morning, but you know the kind of hate I feel for myself after a big wad of chicken McNugget is pretty intense,” he says, “and deserved.” The one fast food he will divulge in though, is Popeye’s mac and cheese — as long as he can get in and out without being recognized.

And if there’s one thing he’d like to shield from his nine-year-old daughter, Ariane, it’s the food industry — and the men that make it up. “Please, baby, don’t become interested in any chefs. I mean, I can’t stop it,” he says. “You have good martial arts skills and high self esteem, but please, stay out of the restaurant business.”

For more of Bourdain’s candid confessions, including his ultimate hangover cure, watch the video above and pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.