Are You Mom, or Your Children’s Friend?

If you didn't hear or read it on the news, Kelly Ripa went on to say that she is not her daughter's friend, but her mom. That she doesn't care if her daughter likes her, because she is her mom. Many people had a lot to say about this. Most of my friends and I did, and the question that arouse was are you a mom, or your children's friend? Before you continue reading, I wanted to clarify that this is my personal opinion. You are welcome to have yours, and I would love to hear about it.

I am a mom of 3 beautiful children that range from 16 years of age to 2 years of age. My daughter is my oldest and was the only child for the first 12 years of her life. I was a young mom as I had her at the age of 21. That being said, like some young moms, my thought process was completely different than my older self today. The answer to this question would of been, I want to be my child's friend.

As the years passed and I “grew up”, that mentality changed with age and maturity. My sweet little buddy turned into a teenager. A female teenager full of mood swings and opinions. Let me just say that my daughter is the best daughter ever, and I wouldn't trade her for anything. I found myself being a “mom” more often than a “friend”. Part of me was devastated because I wanted so bad for my daughter to like me. I wanted to be her friend so bad.

What I mean is that I found myself being a “mom,” and that I was doing the same thing my own mother did, I was setting rules and boundaries. When I was teenager myself, I remember not considering my mom my friend. I respected my mom very much, I loved and still love my mom, but sometimes we didn't see things “my way” when I was a teenager. I remember as a teen always being “right”, yet I looked forward to rules and discipline that my parents instilled in our household. Our home had rules and discipline. We lived in a drug infested neighborhood in the city when we moved from Puerto Rico in the late 80's . Thanks to my parents rules and discipline, I have never in my life touched any illegal drugs, we graduated from high school, and even went to college.

The point is that during my teen years I was somewhat the same mentality as my daughter is right now. A hormonal opinionated teen. My mom wasn't my friend, she was my mom. Fast forward to my adult years and my mom is my friend, and the person I respect and call my role model.

I am a mom to my children. I am their role model, and the person that will have their back no matter what. I will not be their friend. Friends they will have by the hand full but they will only have one mom. My children look up to me whether they realize it or not. Children are observant, my friends, and if you think your children are not observing and learning from your behavior, you are wrong.

Children want rules and discipline. This is a fact. Children and teenagers crave boundaries, limits, and structure that, we, moms give. Our job is to grow our children into responsible adults. I don't want to be treated like a friend. You do something wrong, you pay the consequence simple as that. In real life you break the rules, you tend to the consequences. If you think that your children will like you because you give in to them, you are wrong! Pleasing their every wants will lead to being pushed over, lack of respect, and might make you look weak.

When you are your child's friend, you have a higher chance of losing respect, and you will have a hard time gaining that respect back. The boundaries of mother and daughter will be crossed, and trying to regain boundaries, will be hard to do. Where's the accountability when something goes wrong?

I am not saying by any means that your children should not like you. I have a great relationship with my children, but I am not afraid to say no and discipline when it's needed. Just because they don't like you, doesn't mean they don't love you. No one said being a parent was easy, and trying to be the perfect parent is impossible since there's no such thing as the perfect mom.

As a parent, you are trying to put your children's well being first before anything else. Being a mom is choosing what's best, even if it hurts you. You are not ruining their lives when you say no and disciplining them. Even when they tell you they don't like you, or worst, hate you, should you even think you are doing this parenting thing wrong; you are not a bad mom. You are not destroying their lives. You are being a mom!

What do you think, are you mom, or your child's friend? I would love to hear your opinion about this?

Latina mom of 4 married to wonderful Greek gentleman. Living in southeast PA and trying to juggle family and a household while trying to earn an income from home.
Follow my stay at home journey as I discover how to earn money and save money so we can continue to live debt free.

Comments

I would say I’m both but my kids are so young right now so it’s hard to tell what will happen in the teen years 🙂 However, I slightly disagree with not wanting to be your child’s friend.

Growing up my Mom and I had an awesome relationship (until my parents got divorced when I was almost 16) I was really open with my Mom about everything. I remember as an early teenager calling her from the movies to tell her who was there and what was going on. We had a very open relationship and I knew that she fully trusted me and I didn’t want to ruin that trust. I hope that my girls are the same way.

My daughter and I have the same relationship. We are opened and she we do special things together. But I’m still mom to her and I’m OK with that. Is not that her viewing me as a mom means she loves me less or mom. There’s things that Yacinda (my daughter) would rather do with her friends than with me because I’m mom and is OK. But we have trust and love for each other and she knows, and have come, to me when she needed to confide in me because she knows mom will be there.
Great point, Alexa I love it! I know for a fact you and your girls will have a great relationship. I have no doubt in that. 🙂

I think being my daughter’s friend is important, but in that context of being her Mom too! I don’t expect to hear all of her private matters and difficulties, but want to remain approachable when she needs my strength when something really rocks her!