(Closed) Matron of Honor Does Not Approve of Destination

I am very newly engaged (New Year’s Eve). I have no financial help with my wedding, so I have chosed to get married on a cruise ship in Galveston (I am in Dallas) and the honeymoon would obviously follow. My best friend of over 20 years who also lives in Dallas is throwing a FIT about my choice for a destination wedding. She claims it alienates too many people and she doesn’t want to spend the time or money to drive 5 hours to participate in my wedding. She says I am “forcing” this plan on her.

I was the only attendant in her wedding and I handled everything, even if I didn’t agree. I am upset and very angry she is giving me grief over this and feel that it is MY day, MY decision. My family and fiance are all for this decision and she is the only one that seems to have a problem with it. I feel like I should be able to choose my own type of wedding, since it is “my day” and all.

@AmandaBee…have a talk with your Maid/Matron of Honor and explain to her that while you may not have agreed with all of the choices that she made during her wedding planning process, you supported them and did your best to help her have the type of day that she wanted and you would like for her to do the same for you. If she doesn’t feel like she is able to do this, it would hurt you, but you would understand if she chose not to be your Maid/Matron of Honor….then pick someone who won’t cause this much grief =)

Yikes – well she should not worry about other people. Sounds like she is worrying about herself, and projecting/assuming that all of the other guests agree with her. Is her problem financial? Is the cruise expensive? Can you afford to pay her way or do something to offset her costs, if that is the issue? otherwise, I would say to just proceed as planned and tell her you respect her decision, and say you enjoyed being there for her through her wedding process, but that you cannot change your plans because of her objections. I would point out also that if she has objections, to state them from her point of view and not worry about the other guests (who sound like they’re on board). try to figure out where she’s coming from and then go from there.

i think your friend is being unfair and your wedding plans dont sound unreasonable. i hope you can tell her calmly why your plans are important to you and your Fiance and she comes around to the idea…maybe she has personal reasons for her being against it (money??)

I’m sorry, my initial reaction was “some best friend”, she’s your MOH/BFF and she won’t spend 5 hours driving to your wedding and that you are ‘forcing’ her? I’d tell her I was very disappointed in her reaction at the very least… have you asked her why she’s reacting this way when you did as she asked of you?

this is what I thought too, but I sugar coated it. You never know though, this is a very recent event – maybe the Maid/Matron of Honor had a sh*tty weekend or big argument with her husband or something. I say see about what the specific problem is, and if it’s still petty, then just move on.

Where would she prefer you to have it? In Dallas? Is she having some financial issues that she is worried about and not handling the right way? I would sit down and get to the root of why she feels so strongly about how YOU and YOUR Fiance see yourself getting married….there is obviously something else going on here.

Awww I’m sorry she’s not being supportive of your decision, but it is exactly that – YOUR decision. Well, you and your FI’s decision. Where you choose to marry is very personal and I don’t think you should let her change your decision, especially since she seems to be the only one that isn’t supportive. I think you should talk to her and basically give her an out if she doesn’t want to participate because it seems like she’s already being a pain in the butt about it. You’ve only been engaged for a week! Congrats, btw! Welcome to WeddingBee!

Eek…it sounds like she’s more concerned about what’s most convenient for her rather than what you want for your wedding day! Is it going to cost her an arm and a leg? Never forget that this is your day, and if anyone doesn’t like what you’re doing, they don’t have to come!

I did offer to pay for some of it. It is a VERY inexpensive cruise in my opinion. It is approximatley $500 for 5 nights for each person. She says her and her husband aren’t into cruises and don’t think they should be forced into spending their money on it. They have never been on one before and are just assuming they won’t like it.

I brought up the things you all mentioned about what I did to support her even though I didn’t agree with all her decisions. She doesn’t care it seems.

She comes back with things like “it will cost for parking, dog boarding while I’m away” and the list goes on. Her and her husband aren’t millionares, but they aren’t struggling either. She would have about 7 months to save up the money to come. I’ve told her over and over again she can just attend the ceremony and not the cruise. She brings up the gas money again and how it is a 4 hour drive each way.

We have been best friends since we were 8 so it is hard to imagine anyone else being my matron of honor.

I don’t think that you are asking too much. The crusies out of Galveston are a few hundred bucks so not like you are asking a lot for a Destination Wedding wedding. And most of them are 3-5 days long. You may ask her if it is the money or the time spent away. If it is the money maybe offer to let her wear a dress she already owns and use the money she’d spent on dress/shoes towards the cruise and your gift to her be the remainer. I agree with the others I think she just doesn’t want to go on the cruise for whatever reason. You need to do what is best for you and your family. If she can’t make it then let her know that you understand and hope she changes her mind.

I think if she has the option of just attending the ceremony (will the boat also be docked for the reception?) and she is still complaining than she is just being UNREASONABLE. She is lucky she lives in the same area as you, because most brides have wedding party members in different states that have to fly in just for the festivities. None of FIs groomsmen live within less than 6 hours of where our ceremony is and NO ONE is complaining.

She needs to make a decision about what is important to her, you or spending gas money to drive 4 hours…..and as for the long drive –she won’t be doing it all in one day, c’mon lady…If she’s really your friend, YOUR WEDDING will trump these small inconveniences.

Wow. She and her husband “aren’t cruise people” so you ought to scrap your idea? I know we’re all very careful on WB about not being Bridezilla but sometimes it is about you and it is okay to say “It’s my day.” This is totally one of those times.

If she doesn’t change her mind, maybe it would be better to have someone else as the MOH? You’ve known her forever, but it seems as though she’s not going to be hugely helpful or supportive during the planning process, and is already thinking about YOUR wedding in terms of HER inconvenience. If nothing else, it means a lot to have a smiling, joyful person around during this time – not a sourpuss.