Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have. ―Anonymous

Let's Review.

So far, you have taken the following steps:

1. You identified times that you feel angry, sad, or guilty in a relationship.

2. You identified situations or people that you may need to set emotional boundaries with.

3. You noticed how you feel after someone crosses your emotional boundary.

Setting Emotional BoundariesMost people have never been exposed to or taught what healthy boundaries look like. Therefore, this tends to be a foreign concept for many, so If you have felt that during this process, you are most definitely NOT ALONE!

Notice Warning SignsAre there relationships or situations that you consistently find yourself feeling guilty, angry, or sad? Do you find that you feel disrespected and drained? Do you have a sensation in your body, your gut telling you that something isn't right?These may be warning signs or red flags signifying that a boundary needs to be set. What are the red flags in your relationships?

Notice the ObstaclesIt can be easy to neglect and ignore red flags that pop up in hopes that things will get better. It can also feel overwhelming to think about setting a boundary, especially if you have never put one in place. Setting a boundary can also feel unpredictable with not knowing how the other person will respond.

Take some time to acknowledge the feelings that you experience when you think about setting a boundary. Fear and guilt are two common feelings that are experienced when one thinks about enforcing their boundary. What will that person think of me? Will they still want to be around me if I am direct with them?

Stay present with these obstacles that come up for you. If you ignore these red flags and let these obstacles get in the way, they keep you from setting a boundary, leaving you feeling stuck and drained from this relationship.

Give Yourself Permission. This step is absolutely one of the most important. You have to be willing to acknowledge how you feel and allow those feelings to take priority. Once you have allowed your feelings to be a priority, you can then give yourself permission to set boundaries around your needs. This allows for you to be empowered and stand up for yourself.

Everyone is Responsible for their own happinessIt is not your job to make sure that everyone around you is happy. Bad boundaries exist when you are focused on taking care of others and neglect your own needs. This leaves you feeling exhausted and unfulfilled.

Healthy boundaries allow you to take a step back and remember that you can only control how you feel. You cannot fix or change anyone else. Therefore, you have to let them be responsible for their own happiness.

Own Your Feelings. Your feelings deserve room in the relationship. However, no one else can decide this or fight for this, except for you. If you are not okay with something, trust your gut. Trust that you know what you need. Be willing to only own your feelings and don't worry about protecting everyone else's. When you start allowing your feelings to be acknowledged, you are doing what is best for you. The weight of the world comes down on you when you carry your and everyone else's feelings. Own your own happiness.

Saying No.

​"I encourage people to remember that “No” is a complete sentence."― Gavin de Becker

You get to say no if someone is asking you to do something that does not align with your morals or you are simply not okay with. Saying no allows you to stand up and protect what is best for you and doesn't sacrifice your needs. Saying no, protects you from giving and giving and not receiving anything in return.

Also, if someone makes you uncomfortable with how they are treating you, you do not have to stay and take it. You get to say, "I feel disrespected and I will not stand here and let you treat me this way. If you continue to do so, I will walk away, or I will leave."

What are the biggest obstacles standing in your way of setting a boundary?

Are you fearful that the other person won’t respect it?

Do you fear that you will lose the relationship?

Do you fear being an inconvenience to others?

Do you fear that you will feel guilt in setting an emotional boundary?

You best teach others about healthy boundaries by enforcing yours. ― Bryant McGill

You deserve to have happiness in relationships again!

Step 4

Become aware of the obstacles that stand in the way of you setting boundaries.

Take baby steps towards implementing these boundaries into your life. Don't dive in head first, that will be too overwhelming.

Give yourself grace. Do what you need to do for you and do your best, you don't have to be perfect at this. You are simply acknowledging what you need and allowing yourself to be a priority.

Follow up from Step 3

What did you identify as your needs around physical safety?

Were you able to identify what your physical boundaries would look like when put in place?

How did it practicing go? Were you able to put a physical boundary in place with someone else?

I have loved going through this process with you. I have received such wonderful feedback on this e-mail series and it seemed to hit at the right time for many. I hope it has been helpful in your life as well! If you need more support around this topic, don't hesitate to reach out.

If you haven't reached out, you are still welcome to. I would love to hear how steps 1 , 2 & 3 went. When you give steps 4 a try, feel free to send me an email as well. You do not have to face this alone. I look forward to your email! ​