What's the Deal With Boners?

You asked, we answered. Everything you wanted to know about erections, plus some things you didn't.

By
Cosmo Frank

Dec 05, 2013

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We asked, and you answered. Yesterday, Cosmo asked you to tweet out any questions you have about boners using the hashtag #bonerquestions. We got tweets, we got emails, I had people cornering me on the street demanding answers to all their erection questions. The inquiries ranged from legitimate curiosity to batshit hilarity to demonstrating a worrying lack of understanding about the human body. I'm going to answer all of these questions accurately and/or to the best of my personal experience. Please note that I'm not a doctor, I'm just some dude who's gotten a lot of boners over the years.

The most important thing to remember is that boners are like snowflakes — no two are alike — so some of these answers may not be reflective of every boner you encounter. Here are some of the best questions we were asked in the last 24 hours, as well as some other frequently asked questions. One last word of caution: what's about to happen below is some real talk and it's going to get pretty gross and weird and awesome.

I'm glad this was asked, because it never hurts to start with the basics and it doesn't get more basic than this. A boner, or erection, occurs when blood flow to the penis is increased, causing it to become hard and engorged. This is typically due to sexual arousal (physical or mental), although boners can occur for other reasons.

It's worth noting that if you didn't know this already, you should stop reading because you must be like, what? Eight years old? Get off this website and find your parents and tell them they're neglectful.

The best I can describe it is that typically throughout the day, you're not aware of your penis any more than you are any other body part. When you pop a boner, there's this sudden hyper-awareness of your penis. It's like your dick got super-high.

3. Does the hardness of the boner correspond to how turned on you are by the girl?

It's not necessarily about the hotness of a girl per se, but boners can vary in intensity based on the level of sexual arousal. As mentioned above, not all boners are created equal. Picture them as existing on a spectrum, where you can get what I like to refer to as "half-cocked." (I'll let you figure out why.) A penis doesn't go to zero to 60 instantly. It literally grows in hardness and girth and can be found at any of those points at any given time. It's essentially Einstein's theory of super positions in quantum physics, except with dicks instead of a given system (we'll host an "Ask Cosmo About Quantum Physics" Q&A at a later date).

Temperature also plays a huge part of what a penis looks like at any given time. Penises and testes actually shrink to move closer to the body to stay warm in cold weather. It's like having a pet that just wants to come on everything all the time.

4. Similarly, how important is physical stimulation versus attraction to a sexual partner for a boner?

This is one of those things that's definitely going to vary from person to person and is heavily dependent on the situation. This is really a case of physical versus visual (and emotional, depending on the parter) stimulation. Typically, men have a much easier time disassociating physical pleasure from emotional intimacy. I'm not throwing things like love out the window, mind you. That mushy stuff can absolutely cause or enhance boners. But we can get boners pretty easily, and physical stimulation is going to be the most important factor involved in us having an orgasm.

You literally cannot urinate when fully erect. Your body actually contracts muscles within the penis during a boner. It's specifically to prevent you from peeing during intercourse/orgasm. Only one thing can come out of your dick at a time. When you're peeing and it burns, you're no longer fully erect (see #3 regarding the boner spectrum): the muscles have relaxed somewhat but are still considerably tense.

6. Do you feel lightheaded/dumber when all the blood flows into your penis?

All the blood doesn't flow into the penis. If it did, our bodies would shut down upon achieving a boner and we would fear sexual arousal. It's not that much blood going into the penis, so other than feeling arousal and sensitivity, we really don't feel different.

I know some dude somewhere is shouting at his computer/phone screen "Yo, my dick is huge! So much blood goes into my boners that I definitely get stupider when I get one!" Sorry, bro, you were just as stupid before the boner.

Yeah, they're called pee boners. It's a reflex action wherein your body actually goes into boner mode when the urge to urinate is intense (see #5) in an attempt to stop a guy from pissing themselves involuntarily. There is nothing cool about pee boners. They are the anti-matter boner.

This question came up a lot, oftentimes with better grammar. No, we're not. Some people feel more comfortable asking a stranger about his dick on the Internet than they do asking friends or loved ones about their dicks in person. Go figure.

10. Are guys worried about penis size/Do they measure them?

Any guy who has gotten a boner near a ruler has measured it. If you live in a house with a guy, you might want to desensitize that yardstick. Interestingly enough, the size of your penis (and by proxy, boners) can change slightly over time based on factors like age and health.

A lot of guys worry about the size of their boners and how they measure up to everyone else. They should really be more focused on how to actually have good sex, considering the average length of the vaginal canal (during arousal) is about 4 inches.

Also, micropenises are a thing. It can be a legitimate and constant medical condition, or it can happen temporarily to anyone when it gets really cold.

There's a very careful ratio of size, elasticity, and tightness that must be considered. It's ideal to have pants that are tight enough that your boner isn't going to stick straight out and knock your co-worker's coffee cup over, but not so tight that same co-worker can see every outline and detail.

I recommend boxer briefs. They'll keep everything in place and make the pants ratio conundrum a non-issue.

If neither of these are options, crouch in some heavy foliage until your penis is flaccid.

12. Do you feel like you have to touch it/Why do men like to touch their boners? Do you always like getting boners?

I don't have the hard numbers to back this up, since no one has done a study on this, but most men have their hands down their pants way more often than they need to. Men have a pretty big disconnect between physical/visual and emotional arousal compared to women, so it really just feels good to do. It's pretty easy for us to get satisfaction out of it in some way, even if we don't have boners. I've literally been late to work before because I spent too long toweling off my balls after a shower. I know, in my heart, that I'm not alone.

Just like with any other function, excessive drinking can cause serious boner problems. It's definitely a thing, but it's not very common. Losing feeling in your boner or losing the ability to get a boner, is pretty emasculating, so "whiskey dick" sounds a little more badass than "my weiner broke."

There's surprisingly little information on this, but its etymology seems to come from "bone-on," which itself came from "bonehead." I don't get it either, I'm just glad no one says "bone-on."

15. Can you move your boner without using your hands?

Girls ask this question a lot, as if they picture dudes walking around the house naked picking shit up with our boners like it's an elephant trunk. There's nothing really going on there in terms of joints or complex muscles, but we can make it jump/twitch if we focus really, really hard. I'm motioning right now to officially call it "dick twerking."

I can tell you for certain, though, that they function as decent towel racks. Every man in the history of towels has tried to hang their towel off of their erect penis. Whether or not they succeeded is a personal matter.

Not every morning, but definitely a lot of the time. It actually occurs while we're sleeping: We get between three and five erections a night. It's called Nocturnal Penile Tumescence and I'm not making it up. On the flip side, there's Nocturnal Clitoral Tumescence for the ladies. Everyone's genitals are going crazy while we sleep.

This is my favorite question. I spent a lot of the day just laughing about this. I also want to give a special shout out to everyone on Twitter who saw this and felt compelled to frantically make sure he knew that urine is actually stored in the bladder.

18. I am a girl, can I get a boner/how do girls get boners/how many boners should I get in a day (I'm a girl)?

I think this question got asked the most. They're called ladyboners and they involve vagina parts and I have no idea what's going on with vaginas.

Photo Credit: Kathleen Kamphausen

If Frank didn't answer your question, it's probably because it was too sarcastic/a repeat. Go yell at him on Twitter.