These are my confessionsJust when I thought I said all I could sayMy chick on the side said she got one on the wayThese are my confessionsMan, I’m throwed and I don’t know what to doI guess I gotta give part two of my confessionsIf I’m gonna tell it, then I gotta tell it all…– Usher, Confessions II

So, Reader, here’s the bit where I confess that I have failed my shopping self challenge for the year.

A few shameless attempts at reducing my guilt! I have only bought one item that is more than what I would have paid on the high street or a mid-range shop for its equivalent. A bunch of these items were a handful of pounds each, but did not fall into one of my protected categories and thus were tallied on my running spreadsheet regardless of cheapness–of course there’s a spreadsheet, don’t you know me at all?

But self-justification aside, I did have a bit of a moment of self-reflection. In fact, to speak truth, I had a nice little bout of emotional self-flagellation when I typed in my purchases and realized I had broke my goal, and decided to wallow in unproductive recrimination for the better part of an evening. Eventually more sensible feelings prevailed. I felt weak willed, but I also didn’t really regret any of the items I’ve spent money on this year. In fact, the sum total was less than 2% of our combined income as a family so maybe I had picked a silly goal to try and accomplish, or maybe my expectations weren’t reasonable? Or hell, maybe I am just weak willed and that’s the end of it.

I decided I could live with the minor guilt, especially if I set up a new self challenge instead. I’ve discovered in the past couple of years that game-ifying things helps me achieve goals and keeps me more accountable that sheer willpower alone. Working towards an established prize or even just being able to tick a box every day is a simple but effective thing for me. It’s a bit juvenile, but it works. X. and I keep one another accountable with our health and fitness goals because we are working towards a girl trip together if we meet them. Katarina I and keep up a regular chat chain of encouragement towards writing goals, whether about meeting a word count or just bouncing ideas off of one another. I have whole pages dedicated to lists and projects (of course I do) in my journal that I get the most ridiculous pleasure from in updating and refining. I’m so type A it’s silly. So, what could I do to reset my self-challenge in a really useful way?

We haven’t purchased anything for the house since these antique chairs, which I still think were a great purchase, for the record.

My one regret in shopping these past few months was that I didn’t feel like I had made any progress towards decorating our house which is still fairly basic in its furnishings. But finding the right trade off between an item that you like, that suits your space, and isn’t stupidly priced in London can be difficult and though we’ve liked the idea of different items over the past eight months, nothing compelled me to loosen our purse strings once.

Until the other day. I think I found it. A piece of furniture that matches our front room area, solves a storage need, has the right dimensions, looks gorgeous, is an upcycled vintage piece, and costs less than £350. Jeff and I discussed it and it seems to check all the boxes. I’ve messaged the seller to enquire about it and thus far the signs seem positive.

And so, kittens. I’m making a new bargain and documenting it here for you, the coterie, to hold me accountable. If this deal goes through, we are counting this piece of furniture as our mutual Christmas present to ourselves and the following Faustian pact will kick in:

I am locking up my wallet for the rest of the year. Nada, zilch. Not a single personal item shall I buy for the next five months. This will also count as my final spending freeze for my 101/1001 goal list.

I will finish paying off one of our credit cards in full, by the end of the year. Another partial 101/1001 goal!

I will prepare and pack lunches every day for the rest of the year, or lean on my cash allowance. Or starve, I guess…

I will write about this project: regularly, fully, and honestly. No matter how embarrassing or confessional. Hell, I even promise to try and be funny about it!

So, there, that’s how I’ll leverage my weak will for your benefit, ducklings. Let me know what kinds of posts you’d like to see now through the end of the year as I try to earn myself some furniture and engage in some new financial asceticism. I think I may like to open the (vintage!) kimono and write a bit more specifically about the things I’ve collected over the years and why. I may finally do a “shop my closet” series and get around to doing those Out of the Day posts I’ve committed to in my 101/1001 but have felt too self conscious to do. Perhaps you’d be interested in a tour of my favorite shops and markets around London, or you yourself may want to engage in some competitive goal tracking. Do let me know in the comments, I’m interested!

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8 thoughts on “Forgive Me, Readers, for I Have Failed…BUT!”

I managed to drop a mortgage payment, literally, on a new (on sale) Tod’s handbag.

I have zero justification other than: 1) it was my birthday; 2) I had just gotten a breast cancer diagnosis; 3) it was half price (albeit a lot.) It’s still in the shopping bag two months later but it will be lovely when I start using it.

On one hand, I’m appalled by my profligacy. On the other, I couldn’t care less. A diagnosis (even with an excellent prognosis) means months of procedures and tests and 7 new physicians. It certainly cuts out plenty of shopping time (also earning income.Huh.) You just think I DESERVE THIS.

I admire your goals and we are facing an austerity budget for the next few months at least; my inability this year to earn at the level we need is a problem, but my body also needs what it needs.

One of the great joys of life is being able to treat ourselves when we can. I think a positive prognosis is a perfectly acceptable reason to indulge in a bit of armor to get you through the battery of tests. For me, I really think that having a new piece will be a good visual reminder of goal setting and keeping. I’ll send you the link of what I’ve found too, I think you’ll be proud!