Duh. You know this post was coming. All the talk about watching volcano specials on TV, my obsession with lava lamps, my 1,000 degree body temperature at night, it’s all pointing to one thing — my life as a volcanophile.

You can’t deny their sheer awesomeness. The hot lava flows are mesmerizing. The constant cooling of the top layer, turning black and breaking apart as new, glowing lava rises to the surface of the flow. I am not good at describing it, so here’s an awesome but terrifying video.

If I could find a way to watch these videos and make money at the same time, you better bet I’d be sitting alone, windows covered in foil, cheeto cheese encrusting my fingers, and using my elbow to press the play button on the YouTube screen.

What’s that you say? I can make a living watching volcanos? Wait, where do I have to go? You want me to get how close? HA! I don’t think so!

For the record, this guy is bonkers because volcanoes, while AWESOME, are totally TERRIFYING!