Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Look up into a late November sky and tell me how it makes you feel. Warm and comforted? Or cold, separated, and small? West Virginia's November has been unusually warm but still the season feels austere... more like a chilly Gothic cathedral then a sanctuary full of life, chatter, and color. The clouds that brought a light rain this morning seemed far away, foreign, silent, and barren. Sometimes all of November feels the same.

Even the trees that scratch this formidable sky are empty and cold.... robbed of the softness and friendliness that their green leaves conveyed. Everything around me feels void and unapproachable.

But then, I look around my feet and see countless seeds, fruits, nuts, leaves, scattered carelessly in a thick blanket. The squirrels and a visiting flock of flickers know why the trees dropped their harvest; and they greedily collect all they can find like children on an Easter Egg Hunt. The discarded leaves seem to arrange themselves in a crazy quilt pattern all over the lawn, protecting the grass and newly sprouted acorns from the snow that imminently hangs in those far-off clouds.

And I see the truth: the sacrifice that made the trees seem empty has filled all the living creatures. The life and vibrance of the tree will return, but for now its purpose is to give all it has for the sake of its neighbors. And this gives a new and deeper beauty to the naked limbs that pierce the frowning gray sky.

Thanksgiving is a time of gratitude for abundance. "Behold what manner of love the Father has lavished upon us, that we may be called children of God!" I John 3:1. We must never forget that the abundance of grace, mercy, and blessing all came at a terrible--and wonderful--price to our Father. He joyously sacrificed His dear Son for the sake of ungrateful wretches like me. The best way to express gratitude for God's incredible gift is not sitting back, fat and happy, in the lap of luxury. He died so that I might die, and through His life I will live again, but the life that I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me. Like the trees that drop food and protection for the rest of the forest community, may I pour myself out for the sake of my neighbors. It is only through dying to sin and selfishness that I may truly live, and it is only through giving that I will truly understand God's abundance.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I heard this beautiful song on the radio on my way to church this morning, driving through a sharp blue sky and inwardly struggling to resist the autumn changes in my life right now and in the lives of those I love. Why must seasons change? Why do sisters grow up and move away? Why do godly servants of God have to fight physical, mental, and spiritual battles without respite? The song reminded me that all the things God has done are good, and all the things He has promised are good, so that means that the season I am currently in is GOOD. He is not His creation, but He has made His fingerprints evident all over creation--even through the seasons that resulted from the Flood. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Here's the song: "Every Season" sung by Nichole Nordeman.

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Saturday, October 30, 2010, I competed in my first 10k (that's 6.2 miles for all you Americans) Race. Only a couple years ago, I hated running and wondered why anyone would put themselves through the torture of bouncing up and down and breathing hard when you can just as well walk. But now running has become so much more than a physical discipline to me... it is a release, it is a goal to reach, it is a spiritual journey. During the 10k, God impressed me with so many spiritual applications that I've had trouble processing and condensing everything into a neat little blog post. Still... the lessons were so profound to me that I can't help but share at least one story. So here goes...

The Pipestem 10k Pumpkin Run was held at a WV state park on a cold, crisp morning. Having never seen the course, for some crazy reason I expected it to be what I call "WV flat", in other words more hills than most other states but not vertical enough to count as a "WV hill". The first mile proved me wrong. I briskly jogged down.... down... down.... a long hill with two thoughts rotating through my mind: "Hey, this downhill is easy! I feel great!" and "Uh-oh.... I'm pretty sure we have to backtrack this whole section. What goes down must come up. It's gonna kill me!"

I tried not to anticipate the agony of running back up the "Hill of Death", but inevitably I had to make the turn and begin the never-ending trudge. As I ran, I kept lying to myself (you'd be surprised the crazy things I tell myself while I'm running!) "It's not that bad. You're doing fine. You're almost there." This tactic usually works, but this time I got to a point where my body screamed, "It IS that bad! You're NOT doing fine--look at all the people passing you! And you are nowhere near the top-- in fact, it feels like you're moving backwards!"

What do you do when your body and mind get into an argument? When your will desperately wants to achieve but your flesh desperately cries, "I can't!" When the easiest thing in the world and the worst thing in the world is to just stop running?

My will couldn't hold up much longer so I called out to God in prayer. I prayed for every breath, for every step forward, I prayed that my will and determination would last, that my muscles would keep moving. It seemed silly to ask the Creator of the universe to help me finish a race, but at the same time it felt perfectly natural because He is the sustainer of my body as well as its Creator, and He is deeply involved in every part of my life. He understands how incredibly spiritual this run was for me.

The reason I felt so desperate to make it to the top of the hill was much bigger than a cheap trophy or any claim to fame. I realized that this hill was my whole race. If I could make it up and over this one hill, the rest of the race didn't matter because I had overcome the obstacle that tried to tear me down. And I realized, in between screaming muscles and heaving breath: This Hill is the Race, this Race is my Life. If I were to fail on this hill, this physical challenge, I knew I would be unprepared for spiritual battles in the future.In life, I regularly encounter challenges that try to defeat me. They are all much too hard for me to overcome-- I am too weak to avoid that sin or to love that stranger or to pray that radical prayer. But in my weakness, Christ--the Giver of my Life, the breath I breathe and the energy that moves me-- longs to make me strong and victorious. My job is to cling desperately to Him and to just keep going, using up every ounce of strength and ability that He gives so that He can refill me abundantly.

I feel like I left every ounce of strength, will, and breath on that WV hill that day. In Christ alone, I made it to the top and once I was there, I realized there was no reason to stop since the strength kept going. This is the way that Christ works in us, He always gives more grace and expects us to use up every drop in serving Him, so that He can refill us daily with grace, mercy, and wisdom. I truly believe that I ran that entire race--not stopping once-- and ended up winning a trophy as a result of God's grace. Some may disagree and accuse me of overspiritualizing the mundane things of life, but I can't help but see God at work in every aspect of who I am... whether I eat or drink or run or whatever I do, He can be glorified and He is at work.

This verse was the theme song of my run, and there are tons of ways I saw its practical applications that day. But I'll leave the applications to you, since it's late, this is long, and the applications are obvious. Look for them!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

who I am for now

Trying every day to be a lover of Jesus Christ my Savior and God, His Word, and His World. My purpose for this blog is to express some of the incredible lessons about God, myself, and life in general that I've learned walking around in His creation.
I also enjoy exploring creation by whitewater rafting, rock climbing, backpacking, caving, collecting pets, running, and just being a part of this wonderful world.