See Me as Whole. Leslie’s Healing

Sitting…sitting…sitting. Writing, backspace/delete. More writing, more backspace/delete. 20 minutes later…still sitting. I know exactly what I want to write, but for once, I have no idea how to start. Okay, dive in.

A little over two weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I found no lump. I was simply going in for my first mammogram. That’s right: no lump, first mammogram.

There Was No Lump

I decided to start today’s article with the facts, urging those of you who have put off having a mammogram because you haven’t felt anything through your monthly self examination, to please reconsider. As I stated, I felt no lump because there was no lump. There are different types of breast cancer, and the type I have been diagnosed with is located within the ducts, therefore cannot be felt. It’s most commonly referred to as DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ), of which there are different grades and subtypes. Without getting into too much detail, my subtype is called Micropapillary DCIS, which is referred to as the “bad acting DCIS” and therefore treated aggressively.

One of the many pieces of good news is that it was caught early! And how fortunate, in this day and age, that within these two+ weeks, I have been able to meet with a multitude of surgeons, complete more tests and evaluations than I’d care to recap, and still manage to take an abbreviated family vacation and another short girl’s weekend getaway.

Life goes on, as it should, and must. This is merely a blip, as my friend so eloquently put it, “Your natural state is perfection and this is a small blip on your way back to perfection.” Thank you, Anne.

This, I can assure you: I am not worried. Apprehensive yes, as this is a new experience for me. But worried? No. I am precisely where I’m supposed to be and I’ve categorically chosen the exact surgeons to form my team of healing. This team came together in a unique and organic way to support me and ensure my physical and emotional health. But the blessings began well before the medical team was in place.

Meet Faith

A few years ago I became part of a group of women with a common desire to study FAITH (Finding Authenticity, Integrity, Truth, and Harmony), hence, the name of the group. Through their collective love and spirit, as well as the love and support from my family and other dear friends, I felt I was already ahead of the curve when my radiologist delivered the news to me. All of the studying I’ve done throughout the years on Trust, on Spirituality, on Understanding What Is — it has all prepared me for today, a place where I stand strong and confident in spirit, yet (finally) wise enough to know that it’s okay to be vulnerable and cry, too.

So it was only fitting when I ran into my radiologist’s office to pick up my mammogram films, that the doctor took me aside, and as we embraced, she placed “‘Faith the Lamb” in my arms.

Faith the Lamb

Faith is also an acronym, although not spelled in all caps. Her name stands for Friends Always In The Heart. She came about by one of my radiologist’s patients years ago. To this day, my doctor lovingly hands out Faith the Lamb to all of her newly diagnosed breast cancer patients, along with a little piece of her heart as she speaks candidly with you.

Attached to Faith’s ear was this tag (which I now keep in my wallet):

It’s as if the events of my life have sandwiched me between FAITH and Faith. What an incredibly blessed and fortunate woman I am.

In an effort to honor that blessing, I have chosen to share as many lessons as are appropriate with you all here, through my writing. I will not be accepting phone calls or responding to emails or texts about this subject, as I commit to only breathe positivity into this healing experience. And although answering questions may appear to be a neutral act, my experience thus far has been that it’s extremely draining for me.

I want each one of you to know how grateful I am, knowing many of you will be sending me prayers, love, light, and healing energy. For that, I Thank You.

During these next months, as I live and breathe true Trust, I ask one thing of you, and one thing only:

See Me as Whole, as Healed.

See me as whole and healed, in the present tense. I ask that you see me as whole and healed now. As if it is already done.

Love, Leslie

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Mammograms are essential for early detection. Please post this message on your Facebook wall or forward the email if you receive it in that format; women should be made aware that self exams are not enough. This 41 year old felt no lump. There was no lump.

If you’re in the Dallas area (Richardson, TX), here is a direct link to my radiologist. Dr. Elizabeth Jekot is a bright, caring, and very thorough doctor. She and her staff will take excellent care of you, no matter if this is your first mammogram or your 50th.

Dr. Jekot is my mom’s Dr. and sent a FAITH lamb home with her to give to me after my diagnosis. I look at it often and remember her kindness to me — not even her patient. If you’d like to chat about your journey, feel free to email me! Prayers are with you.

Laurie, thank you for your comment and offer to chat. I leave for the mountains today (mostly to get out of this Texas heat…but I also have a week or so with no doctor’s appointments – – my surgeon is working with me so I could take a little break before all of the fun gets started). I’m not sure how much I will be on my computer while away, so that chat/email may wait for a week or so. It’s very nice of you to offer. Thank you.

I watched you grow up and witnessed all the emotions you went through during those years. I will have to say that reading your writings has been an honor. I am very proud of you. What an awesome woman you have turned out to be. I love you very much and pray for your quick recovery!! Most Sincerely, Sherian Peterson

Oh Sherian, those were some rough years you witnessed for sure. Finding my way, literally and otherwise – – not knowing where my next ‘home’ would be – – thank you for opening your house to me. I was so ill equipped then to deal with all that was going on in my life. I feel so blessed (and almost giddy, although it may take an entire article to explain the giddy feeling!) that I have the support system, both within myself and externally as well to deal with this.

Morley, you are most definitely the strongest woman I know, spiritually, mentally and physically. You can do anything and I know this is just another hurdle you will fly over with awe inspiring strength. Love ya Chickie!

Leslie…YOU are blessed. Your FAITH and faith will support you through this journey. I had this same journey and thankfully I was prepared JUST as YOU are. I can tell that you have an awesome doctors to get you through this little bump in the road. Feel free to call me for anything…..love, Janet

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I understand that for many, Trust does not come easy. It falls into the black-hole called "Easier-Said-Than-Done." And here is why: Because as children, most of us learned the exact opposite of how trust works.
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