“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” —Ecclesiastes 3:1

Spring is a time of new beginnings, and I would like to share some new beginnings in this season of my life.

First, I would like to thank each of you for being one of the Pearl Girls. Your friendship and encouragement have truly blessed my life.

With my unexpected “lump” in the road behind me, (i.e. breast cancer) and my recovery from my unexpected “bump” in the road, (i.e. car accident last summer when someone ran into me), I have had time to do a lot of praying. Cancer and car accidents can definitely cause you to ponder and pray.

I prayed a lot about the future of Pearl Girls and realized that at this time, I need to press pause. Believe me, this was a very difficult decision. The website will remain online along with archived blog posts, photos, and links to the Pearl Girls books. And perhaps in the future, there will be another Pearl Girls book if that’s the Lord’s will.

Meanwhile, I would like to share with you the next season or should I say “seasoning” of my life . . . .

As many of you know, my late father, Dr. Claude H. Rhea, Jr. profoundly influenced my life. He loved the Lord and exuded joy everyday through his words, actions, faith, songs, and food. My dad was an incredible gourmet home chef. He loved to cook! One of my biggest regrets in life is not accepting his many invitations to join him in the kitchen to learn how to create culinary masterpieces and to learn the basic skills of cooking.

My dad found joy in the kitchen! So, at age 52, I am on a long overdue journey to discover joy in my own kitchen and to honor my late father through this process. Yes, I realize the irony . . . I am not a good cook, but I am hosting a cooking show called Kitchen Chat. I hope that you will join me on this journey as I invite top chefs and food experts virtually into my kitchen to share their recipes, cooking tips, and their joy of cooking.

As a Christian, I know that Jesus is the true provider of joy, and I also know that He enjoyed eating and even cooking for the disciples. His invitation to “Come and dine,” (John 21:12) brings joy to my heart and grace to my life.

I really want to keep in touch with you. You can always find me in my kitchen. If you would like to subscribe to my Kitchen Chat blog and podcast, please click this link. You will automatically be entered to win a copy of Shauna Niequist’s book Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes.

Once again, dear Pearl Girl, thank you for being a blessing in my life.

Savor the day!

Margaret

For everything, there is a season… find out what’s in store for Pearl GirlsClick To Tweet

Motherhood has stretched me . . . and I’m not just talking about the marks that my polka-dot bathing suit fails to hide. (With each child’s birth, my hips and thighs expanded along with my heart!) Although my physical body has changed since I’ve had children, my mental, emotional, and spiritual shape have been transformed even more.

I think like a mom, have a mom’s heart . . . and my ears are now tuned to K-MOM frequency. While everyone seems to have a built-in warning system (part of God’s standard package), only moms can recognize the little signal that goes off in their heads—the silent warning that tells them something’s really not right and they do need to check on the lack of noise in the other room or the thump coming down the stairs.

I’ve discovered that this God-given radar has morphed as my children have grown. I’ve learned to listen to the intricacies, tuning into the minor things that hint that something’s not exactly right, such as when I see sadness in Alyssa’s expression. Or when Casey looks away a little too quickly. Or when Bella seems fine, but that nudging inside tells me to ask . . . just in case. In moments like these I feel God’s Spirit telling me to stop. To turn off the computer, stop the housecleaning, or call my friend back later instead of answering the phone. Then the stop is usually followed by an urging to find a way to connect within this small window of time.

What about you? How has motherhood stretched you?

How has #motherhood stretched you? Share with @TriciaGoyer!Click To Tweet

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” — Linda Wooten

When I first noticed that the subject for this month’s writing was motherhood, I thought it would be easy as I am the mother of a nine-month-old baby boy. Motherhood consumes most of my time, energy, and emotion. However, just like Motherhood, writing about it has proven to be more difficult than originally thought.

I love my son more than words could ever possibly convey. All the cliché sayings about motherhood could be inserted here. My heart’s capacity to love has grown by leaps and bounds, but so has my ability to feel fear. I worry about him feeling pain, rejection, and sadness. I worry about his development. I worry about what kind of Mother I am for him. I worry about the friends that will ultimately influence him. I worry about him being so far from our families. I worry. With the birth of a child, so also a deeper sense of fear is born.

I know that I will not be able to shield my son from the ugliness of life, and I struggle with that. I fear for him as my natural instinct is to protect. Knowing that I cannot keep him from experiencing whatever life throws his way creates an uneasiness within. My son will feel pain. This is life and I need to come to terms with that. He will fall. He will scrape a knee or break a bone or worse. He will have his feelings hurt. He will experience rejection and failure. My heart aches thinking about it. So what do I do? Live my life in fear while trying, yet failing, to control it all? Certainly not! Instead I need to do what I can and learn to trust in God through it all. I need to pray for God’s guidance, strength, and peace whenever I encounter fear. In fact, every single day I need to begin with prayer that is filled with humility and gratitude as I offer it all up.

A wise man once told me that any money we have is not truly ours. It is all ultimately Gods, given to us, and therefore we are to hold it with an open hand. I believe this applies to everything, including our children. My son is a child of God that has been given as a precious gift and I need to parent him in the light of this understanding.

Lord, thank you for giving me the gift of my baby boy. Help me to raise him to be strong in character, loving, kind, intelligent, and with a heart that beats for You. Help me to parent my son as you would desire and may I not miss any moments of happiness because of worries or fear. Provide me with your peace and guidance throughout this difficult but joy filled journey that is Motherhood.

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

With the birth of a child comes a deeper sense of fear. Trust God through it all! @swauterlekClick To Tweet

My son is not coming home for the summer this year. Zach is finishing up his junior year at Boston University. He will spend his summer working in a neuroscience research lab. He’s twenty years old.

I am excited to see the things he is trying. The new fields he’s exploring. The opportunities he has grabbed. I’m a proud mom. I am also a tiny bit sad. I’m having growing pains as a mom. When Zach arrived in my life it was a huge—happy— adjustment. Now learning to live in my empty nest is an equally huge adjustment. I am surprised to find happy parts to this adjustment as well.

When Zach left for college, our whole family was ready. Zach knew how to do laundry. He knew about good eating habits. He was excited about new classes, people, and places. I knew that my husband and I had done our best job possible to prepare Zach for launch.

Yet every cliché was true. The time had gone so fast. Here I was twenty years into being Zach’s mom and I still wanted to get a hug and hold the hand of the toddler as he crosses the street. Zach rides the T in Boston without supervision. I’m not needed on a day-to-day basis anymore. I have let him go, but sometimes, I wish him back. It would not be a good thing for either of us.

I am still his mom, but I have other day-to-day concerns. Making his meals is not my concern anymore. Cleaning his room, changing his sheets, doing his laundry are all things he has to do. Going to museums and parks and playing and studying are all things he does on his own with new friends. It’s not up to me anymore. I miss it, sure. But he’s finding things I never would have shown him.

Zach has his own interests—a whole world I am not a part of any more. He is not coming home this summer and I will miss him yet that’s a positive thing. For when I do get to see him again, he will be a young man full of stories to tell and excitement for the things he is discovering in his life. I will be here ready to hear what he’s found. I will have stories to tell him as well.

I am finding new things in my life. I will share the things that fill my days. He will smile and think it is funny when I get excited about a recipe or a new knitting project or my writing projects. I will tell him about what dad and I are up to on our own. He sees that these things are important to me. He doesn’t always understand my interests and I don’t understand his excitement of science, but we will share our stories and enjoy each others company. We don’t play together everyday any more but we’re still family. I may not be a day-to-day mom anymore, but I am still Zach’s mom. Motherhood changes.

Being an empty nester is a huge adjustment, but not a bad one. Lisa Bogart @Grit_GraceClick To Tweet

Kristina, our second born was healthy, smart, helpful, and compliant. She was often there to help our son Joey (3 years older than she) when he needed his shoes tied, face washed, or teeth brushed. The problem was—she was only about 7.

Joey’s special needs made it such that he needed a lot of help for us just to “get out the door” and often, she was very willing to help. But this one particular day, I had asked her to do a number of things, right in a row, and not with much chance to comprehend it all. That was when she said, “Mom, I feel like CINDERELLA. Not the pretty one, but the one who had to do all the work.” Ouch.

Sometimes it takes the mirror of reality for us to stop and change our course. That comment did just that for me. I became keenly aware of the fact that she needed to be a kid. I know I didn’t expect her to “take over” my job of caring for our son with special needs, but I was happy for her help, and at that moment I could see I’d lost the ability to see that I was asking too much.

From that moment on, I made some changes. Perhaps the changes I made, will be helpful for you with your children, but also with your extended family, friends, and others in your life:

Don’t bark orders and expect others to jump.

Each child needs attention. Give them one-on-one as often as you can. Make it a point.

Allow your children to “understand” that you must take time (and often more time) with the child with special needs, but find things they like to do and purpose to do it with them.

Have family meetings. Talk about the “work load” and if they feel you are expecting too much of them. You might not like what you’ll hear, but the open communication serves well for now and when they become adults.

Don’t beat yourself up when your children are honest with you. Let them share.

Show appreciation in words and actions for those who lend you a hand.

Don’t make others feel stuck helping you. Ask first.

Don’t expect others to know what you need. If others offer to help, tell them what is helpful.

YOU make caring for you loved one look easy because you do it all the time. Others will need to be trained to help you. Take the time.

When asking other children in the family to babysit/care for/look after the one with special needs, treat them like you would someone coming in to help. Ask them to set the day aside for you and confirm it with them—like you would with a babysitter. Pay them like you would a babysitter. Ask them how things went and if there is a way that would make life easier for them when they are helping you. (And we would let our daughters have one girlfriend over so that once Joey was in bed they could enjoy time with a friend.)

Don’t expect people to read your mind. If you need help – ask.

When people offer to help, ask them what they most enjoy doing. Make and keep that list so you can call on them. The longer your list, the less often you’ll have to call on and rely upon one or two people.

Be sure to do things your typically developing children want to do – even if it means finding someone to stay home with the one with special needs.

Invest in each child, so there will be no regrets when they are adults.

Have fun. Life is better that way.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

Make sure you get your daughter a pretty prom dress when her time comes – so she knows how the pretty CINDERELLA felt!

Sometimes it takes the mirror of reality for us to stop & change our course! @CindiFerrini Click To Tweet

]]>http://pearlgirls.info/2014/05/05/mirror-of-reality/feed/3Winner Announced from April Book Giveaway!http://pearlgirls.info/2014/05/02/winner-announced-from-april-book-giveaway/
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Gillian Marchenko, author of the recently published memoir Sun Shine Down, writes about where she and Polly are today, and the importance of noticing growth . . .

It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon. My youngest daughter Evangeline (adopted from Ukraine in 2009, and who has Down syndrome and autism) swings in an adaptive swing while her Papa dutifully pushes her back and forth. Elaina and Zoya, our two older girls, with adult-like bodies but childlike hearts, swoop and slide on the monkey bars. I shadow Polly, who also happens to have Down syndrome, to make sure she doesn’t get hurt, to help her if she asks.

An elevated Chicago train rumbles above us along the perimeter of the park. I turn to watch it push forward for a moment. The sun blinds my eyes. I look down at my shoes.

My head raises and I glance around for Polly, who seized the opportunity to rush to another activity while her Mom is momentarily preoccupied.

“Polly, where are you?” I call.

“Over here, Mom. I’m here.”

“Where?”

I turn around where I stand. I don’t see her.

“Here.”

Her voice comes from above. The knotted rope ladder to my right shakes, and I catch sight of my daughter’s blue and green Velcro tennis shoes command the ropes as she scurries up.

I had no idea she could climb like that, sure-footed, easily, without any help, on weaving ropes that bend and rock as she moves.

Polly is seven years old.

Her diagnosis of Down syndrome picked up my world and threw it against a brick wall. In my memoir, Sun Shine Down (published with T. S. Poetry Press in August), I talk about the year I stayed drippy, unglued, apart, so very sad about the presence of an extra chromosome in my child, and so very, very frightened of the future.

I was as weak as a mom as Polly was as a new baby. Her infant body resembled a bag of brown sugar. For months, her arms and legs flopped around. She was unable to hold her head up for a long time.

As was I.

But Polly and I both have grown important muscles over the last seven years. Her: muscles to stand, and then run, and jump, and climb a knotted rope ladder. And me: muscles to love without fear, to trust God, to advocate for my daughter, and beyond all else, enjoy the crap out of her.

Polly’s growth astounds me. She works hard to acquire new skills. She makes friends with anyone who comes into her sight. She cracks one-liners, causing our whole family to burst our britches with laughter, and she continues to teach me about what is really worth paying attention to in life.

I am blessed to be Polly’s mother. There have been hard times, and there will be more, but I plan to follow the footsteps of my daughter. To take a step when it is difficult, to work until I am sure-footed and able to chase after whatever God puts in front of me, and to make sure there is enough time in my days to appreciate growth; in my family, and in myself.

Make sure there is enough time in your days to appreciate growth @GillianMarchenkClick To Tweet

Gillian Marchenko is an author and national speaker who lives in Chicago with her husband Sergei and four daughters. Her book, Sun Shine Down, a memoir, published with T. S. Poetry Press in the fall of 2013 and she is currently writing a memoir about depression that will publish with InterVarsity Press.

She writes and speaks about stumbling faith, special needs, depression, imperfect motherhood, and deep belly laughs. Her work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicago Parent, Thriving Family, Gifted for Leadership, Literary Mama, Today’s Christian Woman, MomSense Magazine, Charlottesville Family, EFCA Today, and the Tri-City Record.

Gillian says the world is full of people who seem to have it all together. She speaks for the rest of us.

The Proverbs 31 woman must have been one who could both restrain her tongue and her actions. How do we know? The first things that are said about her are she is a woman of “noble character” (v. 10) and “her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (vv. 11–12). A little later the author tells us that this woman’s “husband is respected at the city gate where he takes his seat among the elders of the land” (v. 23). If she had been a gossip or a busybody, she would not have been said to have a “noble character.” If she had been morally loose in any way, she would have done him harm and not good. By the effect her words and actions had on her husband — who held an office like today’s politicians — we know a lot about her. Lack of restraint was not a problem for her.

I wish I could say the same for myself. I cannot remember how many times I wished that I had waited an additional five seconds before sharing a response in a conversation, reaction in an argument, comment when teaching, or request in prayer. In just five seconds of silence, tremendously different results can occur. In just five seconds of seeking the Lord’s will over my own, what He desires can be better accomplished. Too often I find that I first say what I think is right and then ask Him to bless what I have chosen in my own wisdom and strength. Time and time again, it has been obvious that this is not the best way.

Proverbs 21:2 (ESV) tells us, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts.” In this verse lies such a valuable reminder. We all think the first thing that enters our mind in any given situation is right. After all, we are more likely to believe ourselves than we are to believe anyone else. What we sometimes fail to take into consideration is the strong influence of our unique emotions, inclinations, experiences, and sinful nature. All we process comes through our own individualized filter. Sometimes our filter is dirty, torn, or in need of replacement, greatly hindering our ability to process a situation from a healthy or unbiased point of view. Before we even realize it, an off-the-cuff response comes forth, potentially impacting a situation to an undesirable degree.

It is vitally important that we take those extra five seconds, and oftentimes longer, to submit ourselves to the Lord before we respond. By doing this we allow Him to weigh our hearts with His scales of knowledge, wisdom, and truth. When we use restraint in our words instead of just speaking our first thought, we are submitting both our thoughts and words to a divine filter. We are giving the Lord permission to influence and shape what will come forth. This kind of purposeful submission invites the Lord to be a part of everything we say. When He speaks through us, instead of us speaking for ourselves, things tend to go much more smoothly than they would otherwise.

This is also an issue for me when I pray. “Even in prayer you use restraint?” you might ask in shock. Yes, even here. I know that God knows everything that is on my mind before I verbally present it to Him. But I believe that in the place of prayer, I should show restraint in what and how I pray over situations, myself, and others. It seems wise to me not just to blurt out my feelings. Instead I ask the Lord to lead and guide me as I share my heart with Him.

There is no doubt that He can handle my little snits, outbursts, and self-indulgent whining sessions. In fact, He has been quite longsuffering when it has come to these episodes over the years. Thankfully, He knows that I’m “but dust” and keeps that frailty in perspective as He restrains His discipline in dealing with me for my own self-focused tendencies. A reminder to me that He is a kind, gracious, and merciful Father.

I don’t think it is a surprise to the Lord that we struggle in this area. It is fairly obvious it has always been this way. James 1:19–20 states, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” It is important to remember that when we allow our own words to take precedence, we have placed the Lord’s words and wisdom on the back burner.

When people exemplify restraint:

• They are consistent and keep their integrity intact. Those with integrity have a unity of thought, word, and action. They realize that others will interpret what their convictions, values, and beliefs are by what they say and how they say it.
• They think before they speak. They do not have outbursts or talk over others. They recognize that their words are an expression of who they are and who God is, so they choose them carefully.
• They are good listeners. They analyze what they hear and choose their response based on the best way to communicate to the other person.
• They look for opportunities to lift others up and encourage them.
• They maintain an attitude that is geared to bring help and healing to others rather than an attitude that is condescending, dismissive or aggressive.

When our words take precedence, we place the Lord’s wisdom on the back burner! @lisatroyerClick To Tweet

More About Lisa

Lisa Troyer hosts Macchiato Moments on Moody Radio and is a founding member of John Maxwell’s team of coaches and trainers. She is the executive sales director for an international food service company. Lisa lives in Ohio with her husband, two children.

Real Women: Leading with Proverbs 31 Values is a must-have leadership resource for today’s Christian woman. Written by women in the marketplace, Real Women cultivates biblical truth, credible relationship development, and practical application into everyday life through ten foundational principles. Once women embrace these ten principles, they will soon discover the multiple attributes of the Proverbs 31 woman in today’s marketplace and learn practical ways to implement the wisdom from that timeless Scripture passage.

Silent films were popular in the 1920s. In one film, a guy falls in love with a girl . . . the girl never really takes notice, though. The guy, trying to make a good impression, walks up to the girl in order to talk to her. Instead, he finds himself slipping on a banana peel or splashing in a huge puddle of water. By the end of the film, the girl is swept off her feet, and they both live happily ever after.

Our walks with Jesus Christ can sometimes be like a silent film. We become distracted by television, the internet, our jobs, and other relationships. Meanwhile, God is trying to get our attention (although He doesn’t slip on banana peels). He is in love with us, and we sometimes ignore Him.

Jeremiah 31:3b says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”

We need to learn to turn off the season finale, Facebook, and other distractions. One of the many ways God tries to get our attention is through His love letter to us: the Bible. Take some time today to dive into God’s Word and be swept off your feet.

He’s trying to get your attention!

Take time today to dive into God’s Word & be swept off your feet! @remixher @grit_graceClick To Tweet

]]>http://pearlgirls.info/2014/04/30/is-your-walk-with-jesus-like-a-silent-film/feed/1Meet the Pearl Girls | Sharron Cosbyhttp://pearlgirls.info/2014/04/29/meet-the-pearl-girls-sharron-cosby/
http://pearlgirls.info/2014/04/29/meet-the-pearl-girls-sharron-cosby/#commentsTue, 29 Apr 2014 10:30:38 +0000http://margaretmcsweeney.com/?p=4834Meet our newest Pearl Girl, Sharron Cosby! Sharron is married to Dan, a Certified Addiction Professional, and together they have three adult children and five grandchildren. She works for an international charity by day and writes by night. Her passion is to share God’s message of hope, strength, and encouragement with families living in the shadow of addiction. You can learn more about Sharron and her ministry at erecoverychurch.com.

Share a little about how you became a writer:

I’ve always enjoyed writing, but I took it up a notch in 2008. A friend invited me to visit Tampa Word Weavers, a critique group, and I went. Some of the ladies had submissions accepted by Chicken Soup for the Soul, and I decided to try my hand at a story. The group helped me polish my piece, and I sent it in. Much to my surprise, it was accepted and published. A week or two later, a second article I submitted was accepted by a national magazine. I was hooked and have been writing and submitting since that time.

Favorite Scripture or Life Verse?

Jeremiah 31:15-17. These two verses turned my life upside down on October 8, 2009, with the hope and promise of restoration.

What motivates you to write?

As a lifelong reader, I know and appreciate the power of words. I’ve been encouraged from reading stories when it seemed my world was falling apart. I’ve gone on imaginary voyages through the tales woven in books. I’ve solved mysteries and figured out who the “bad guy” is as the plot unfolds. I want to pay forward the joy of words I’ve read and enjoyed all my life. My prayer is that my writing will inspire someone needing an encouraging word. Perhaps someone could use a good laugh and something I write pulls a smile to their lips. Life change is what motivates my writing–my own and those of my readers.

Favorite Food:

This is a tough one. It’s a toss up between black eyed peas, collard greens and roasted cauliflower. Throw in some southern cornbread, and we’ve got a meal.

If you were stuck on a deserted island, what are 5 things that you’d have to have with you?