 The
advice your son rejected is now being given by him to
your grandson.

 Working mothers are guinea pigs
in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not
necessary to human life.

 Parents often talk about the
younger generations as if they didnt have anything
to do with it.

 I want a hair cut please.

Certainly, which one!

 A noise woke me up this morning.

What was that?

The crack of dawn!

 Why is Russia a very fast
country?

Because the people are always Russian!

 What did one virus say to
another?

Stay away! I think Ive got
penicillin!

1899INTERESTING MELANGE. A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Missouri Pacific Cars
Robbed.

Freight cars at the Missouri Pacific
were broken into Thursday night and a quantity of flour
stolen. Today Jim Briggs and Chas. Roberts were arrested
on the charge. Flour was found at their homes on Tiger
hill. Roberts trial was set for September 24.

Wedding While You
Wait.

W.R. Gilmore of Galena and Miss Emma
Fink of Barry County were married this morning at half
past eight oclock by Rev. Geo. Barnhart at his
store at Howard avenue and Fourth street. The couple
accidentally stopped at the store to inquire where a
minister might be found and were promptly informed that
right there was the place. They were married, paid the
fee and departed in less than ten minutes. Rev. Barnhart
now thinks of hanging out his shingle to read:
"Weddings speedily and satisfactorily
performed."

The City Council is scheduled
to vote on a Council bill this evening that would
change the way the City handles trash pickup. The
bill would authorize the Mayor to extend and
modify the contract for trash hauling with Allied
Waste Services. The extension would be for five
years.

The provisions of the
modifications would include an increased rate for
residential customers of about one dollar per
month. In addition, the service would be changed
to an automated system that would require the use
of a container supplied by the hauler. These will
be provided free of charge.

Due to the mechanism that would
pick up the containers, residential customers
will typically be required to roll the container
curb side. Few alleys will be wide enough to
accommodate the modern equipment.

Public Works Director Chad
Wampler says that he has seen the system
demonstrated and thinks it will work well for the
City and citizens.

The City Council meets on the
second and fourth Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. in City
Hall.

Minnesota businessman Thomas J.
Petters is accused of masterminding a $3 billion
Ponzi scheme. Auditing firm McGladrey &
Pullen is being sued by investors who say the
firm was not diligent in auditing Petterss
funds

Minnesota businessman Thomas J.
Petters is accused of masterminding a $3 billion
Ponzi scheme. Auditing firm McGladrey &
Pullen is being sued by investors who say the
firm was not diligent in auditing Petterss
funds

The Big Four accounting firms
are used to embarrassing headlines about their
purported misdeeds. After all, the past decade
has seen one business catastrophe after another
at companies audited by the major firms. Witness
the scandals at Tyco, WorldCom and Xerox.

These days of Ponzimania have
put the glare on two smaller auditing firms. BDO
Seidman, the seventh-largest U.S. auditor in
terms of net revenue, has been linked to
disgraced financier J. Ezra Merkin and so,
indirectly, to the ubiquitous Bernard Madoff.
McGladrey & Pullen, the fifth-largest in the
field, is under fire for its connection to a $3
billion Ponzi scheme purportedly masterminded by
Minnesota entrepreneur Thomas J. Petters. [2]

In investor lawsuits filed [3]
in recent months, BDO Seidman [4] and McGladrey
& Pullen [5] stand accused of shoddy audits
and signing off on the books of fraud-ridden
businesses and investment funds. The cases,
together with a string of earlier ones involving
the two firms, raise unsettling questions about
the level of confidence investors can put in
financial audits.

The two audit firms say they
stand by their work, and there is, in fact, some
murkiness about auditors responsibilities
for detecting fraud. The firms are supposed to
"obtain reasonable assurance about whether
the financial statements are free from material
misstatement, including misstatements caused by
fraud," according to the Public Company
Accounting Oversight Board, the federal entity
that supervises auditors of public companies. The
gray area centers on what is reasonable, an issue
that often plays out in the courts because
accounting firms can be one of the only solvent
players left when a company goes down.

Before Madoff came along, there
was E.S. Bankest LLC. The Florida factoring
company went bust after its executives allegedly
carried out an elaborate nine-year scheme to
steal roughly $170 million from the business [6]
while fabricating false financial statements;
nine Bankest insiders were convicted of criminal
charges in a Florida federal court. BDO Seidman
had audited the company and concluded its books
were free from material error.

California attorney Steven
Thomas, who in 2007 won a $522 million jury award
against BDO Seidman stemming from its Bankest
audits, says the case reflects the kind of cozy
interdependence that helped sink Enron and Arthur
Andersen. "Auditors are supposed to have
professional skepticism, and that is just
inconsistent with the client relationships that
they try to preserve to keep the money
flowing," Thomas says.

BDO Seidman spokesman Jerry
Walsh says the firm is appealing the Bankest
verdict and remains "extremely confident
that this jurys findings will be
overturned."

The firm also is contesting a
civil lawsuit from the collapse of
Le-Natures Inc., a Pennsylvania iced-tea
producer shuttered in 2006 after allegedly faking
$240 million in revenue, according to forensic
accounting undertaken by a bankruptcy court. BDO
Seidman auditors had certified that
Le-Natures financial statements were free
from material error.

"There is a difference
between being fooled and putting your head in the
sand so you dont see things," says
Robert Loigman, a New York lawyer representing
Le-Natures investors who sued (PDF 1 [7],
PDF 2 [8]). A tour of the companys Latrobe,
Pa., warehouse would have made clear
Le-Natures wasnt selling $300 million
worth of bottled drinks a year as claimed, he
says.

Walsh says his firm "was
one of many victims of a collusive fraud at
Le-Natures."

For McGladrey & Pullen,
some tough questions have come from Frederick J.
Grede, a Chicago bankruptcy trustee who claims
the firms auditors actively participated in
the "looting" of Sentinel Management
Group, a $1.4 billion investment fund that failed
in August 2007.

The Securities and Exchange
Commission and the Commodity Futures Trading
Commission are pursuing top Sentinel executives
in court, saying they siphoned hundreds of
millions of dollars. McGladrey & Pullen
declined to comment on the case.

The recent Ponzi schemes have
touched off another round of litigation. Take the
case of J. Ezra Merkin.

According to New York Attorney
General Andrew Cuomo, Merkin repeatedly lied to
his customers [9] about what he was doing with
the $2.4 billion they had given him. In a 54-page
civil fraud complaint [10], Cuomo accuses Merkin,
who ran a trio of investment funds, of giving his
investors "false" offering documents
and quarterly statements. Merkin, according to
the suit, consistently deceived investors about
the fact that he had entrusted Madoff with their
cash, which vanished. Merkin has denied any
wrongdoing.

The Merkin funds were audited
by BDO Seidman, which attested that the books
were free of material error. New York Law School,
which lost $3 million it placed with
Merkins Ascot fund, claims BDO Seidman
failed [11] to "maintain an appropriate
degree of skepticism" or collect sufficient
evidence to support its conclusions.

In a lawsuit, the school blames
BDO Seidman for not telling investors about
Merkins alleged sleights of hand. Exhibit
A: the 2007 audit of Ascot, which lists the
funds assets on a week-to-week basis, but
doesnt mention that just one broker,
Madoff, held nearly all those assets.

Nancy Kaboolian, an attorney
for New York Law School, declined to comment. But
New Jersey lawyer Alan Wasserman, who is
preparing another case against BDO Seidman on
behalf of Merkin investors, says Merkins
heavy reliance on Madoff is a "red flag any
accounting firm should have seen" and noted.

Says Walsh: "It is
unfortunate that these investors would bring
legal action before all of the facts are known
and seek to blame others for their own investment
decisions."

McGladrey & Pullen,
meanwhile, has been targeted in the case
involving Petters, who once owned Polaroid.

Before his arrest by federal
agents in October 2008, Petters allegedly
convinced investment funds to pump billions into
a nonexistent TV-wholesaling business. McGladrey
& Pullen audited three of those funds, which
made a steady stream of high-interest loans to
the Petters Company. All three funds were wiped
out, and investors are suing McGladrey &
Pullen, saying the firm should have noticed that
the funds were shoveling vast sums into a
business with no real customers.

Petters pleaded not guilty in
December to charges of mail fraud, wire fraud,
money laundering and conspiracy.

"McGladrey & Pullen
stands by the quality of its audits, which are
conducted with due care while conforming to
professional standards," company spokeswoman
Betsy Weinberger says.

In the view of Richard L.
Kaplan, a law professor at the University of
Illinois, a diligent auditor should go to source
documents to verify the financial statements it
is scrutinizing. If a fund claims it has cash in
a bank account, auditors should get records
directly from the bank, he said.

Kaplan has advocated tougher
oversight of accounting firms. Still, he
acknowledged there are limits. "A very
determined crook," he said, "will
deceive virtually any auditor."

I dont know how long
shoe laces are supposed ta last. Ya
dont get a manual settin out a
maintenance schedule for shoes like ya do an
automobile. I pretty much replace em
when they break. I learned how to adjust for
a broken lace as a kid. The lack of a full
lace seldom leaves ya sittin on the
side of the road waitin for the toe
truck.

I took a small step toward
organizin my affairs the other day,
replaced a set of laces fore they
broke. And I did replace the set, not just
the typical one lace that was ready for a
blow out. Im still debating whether to
keep the one "good" lace for a back
up. If I keep the shoes longer than a second
set of laces, however, I doubt Ill be
concerned about the appearance of a short
string.

DEAR DR. DONOHUE: Whats
the best way to treat sunburn? I get one every
year. I know it will happen this year too, and I
want to be prepared. -- D.J.

ANSWER: The best way to treat
sunburn is not to get one.

What makes you think
youll get one this year? Youre doing
something wrong. I have to repeat things that
should be common knowledge, so bear with me.

Dont go out into the sun
during the hours of its greatest intensity -- 10
a.m. to 3 p.m. I have a feeling this is a rule
observed more in its breach.

Always wear sunscreen with an
SPF -- sun protection factor -- of 15. If you are
very sensitive to sunlight, use one with an SPF
of 30. Apply it 15 to 30 minutes before going
outside, and reapply it at least every two hours.
Each application requires about 1 ounce. If you
go into the water or are sweating heavily, apply
the sunscreen more frequently.

With a sunburn, in about three
hours after exposure, the skin reddens and
becomes painful and hot. Taking aspirin relieves
pain and can lessen the damage done to the skin.
Dont give aspirin to young children -- they
can take Tylenol. Cool baths or cool compresses
make a person more comfortable. Apply a skin
moisturizer, but dont use butter or
petrolatum. If blisters form, dont break
them. If theyre extensive, see a doctor.

DEAR DR. DONOHUE: For the past
six months, I have had no energy. I teach third
grade. My doctor checked my thyroid gland, and it
turns out its not working well. I am now
taking replacement thyroid hormone. How long does
it take for me to recover my former energy? Also,
my cholesterol was high. Is that part of this
deal? -- M.O.

ANSWER: It can take three to
six months for your hormone level to reach a
normal plateau. Thats when youll feel
like your old self again.

A person with low thyroid
hormone often has a rise in blood cholesterol.
The level will fall as soon as the replacement
hormone is working.