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Ralph Josephsohn: The demise of #UsTwo

Posted:
11/07/2018 09:37:04 PM MST

Updated:
11/07/2018 09:38:37 PM MST

Ralph Josephsohn St. Vrain Valley Voices

Births outside marriage are escalating in the United States. As recently as 1970, 10 percent of babies were born out of wedlock. The rate currently is 40 percent. This upward spiral is likely to continue and be permanent. Medical, scientific and technical advances, as the secularization of society, social welfare programs, legally mandated rights and opportunities in the workplace, and greatly liberalized civil criteria for the dissolution of marriage have galvanized the demise of #Us Two (nuclear two parent family). Possibly of greatest significance is that a child's mind processes stimuli encountered as normative. Children imprinted with a single parent modality or dysfunctional relationship tend to replicate such conditions, and pass them on to subsequent generations.

The overwhelming majority of mammals are not monogamous (less than 3 percent). Monogamy is the rare biological exception. The tree-swinging gibbon, dam building beaver, and whistling wolf are monogamous. Species monogamy is biological and instinctual. Humans are most emphatically not biologically monogamous. Cultural and religious based monogamy in humans has the potential to be fortified with spiritual qualities of enduring fidelity based on selfless commitment and love. A critical examination of factors underpinning the mores attending marriage helps explain the demise of #UsTwo, and the contemporary proliferation of #MeOne (single parent) households.

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From the dawn of civilization hunter gatherers provided food and protection. Physiological differences equipped males to be better suited at aggression and vanquishing invaders, and spearing saber toothed tigers and woolly mammoths. Females were subordinate child-bearers and nurturers. As horticulture and animal husbandry displaced hunting, property ownership and the rights of inheritance became indispensable. Solemnized marriages sired "legitimate" children, facilitating the succession of estates, property rights and social status. #UsTwo persisted well into the 20th century, varying little from the days of feudalism. Males monopolized positions of authority inherent in many callings, professions and trades. Males enjoyed a disproportionate dispensation from monogamous fidelity. They bore no financial responsibilities for mistresses and "illegitimate" children left in the wake of their dalliances. Licentious behavior was however taboo for "respectable" ladies to ensure the undefiled genetic succession of inheritance. #UsTwo now is steadily eroding. Professional specialties and skilled trades associated with the contemporary workplace are increasingly accessible to both genders. Women are achieving meaningful, legally enforceable equal rights and opportunities. Birth control gives them choices emancipating them from the restrictive girdle of domestic apron strings. Traditional marriage is increasingly minimized as a moral requisite, and the social concept of "illegitimate" children is passé.

Traditional marriage under civil law arguably no longer exists. Marriages have an open pressure cooker safety valve. Mutual commitment has been eliminated. The divorce standard of "irreconcilable differences" permits either partner, unilaterally and for any or no reason whatsoever, to call a relationship quits, irrespective of the desire of the partner, or the potentially disastrous impact on children. In law a contract without commitment is a "nudum pactum" (nude contract), illusory and legally unenforceable. Marriage without a commitment to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part, is the functional equivalent of discretionary cohabitation. The qualities of a traditional marriage must however never be straitjacketed in a physically or psychologically abusive relationship, or one plagued by abandonment or infidelity.

We have much in common with the monogamous wolf. Both humans and wolves are pack animals whose existence largely depends on cooperative association with others of the species. The difference is that humans are endowed with a conscience and soul providing a compass guided by theology and codes of ethics and morality. Human packs form tribes, nations, political affiliations, shared cultures, religious convictions, and socioeconomic identities. The foundation of all packs is the nuclear family. It sparkles not only in the sunshine of life, but also serves as a stabilizing lifeline and anchor keeping us afloat at all times. The decline of #UsTwo diminishes the quality of our lives and the lives of our children. #MeOne is a cork bobbing on the fickle waters of fate. A marriage vowing an unqualified and enduring commitment to the family must not be discarded as obsolete. #UsTwo should be reinvigorated and treasured.

Ralph Josephsohn is a long time resident of Longmont and a semi-retired attorney.

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