okay. this is constructive critism. first- way rushed. rape is huge. you made it seem like a girl just said, "I hate you!" no drama. you need to make it seem more sad- depressing. ya know! i ll keep reading.

nari hitomi chapter 11 . 9/4/2003

i have to say that was an excellent chapter! i so cant wait until ur next curious to what is up with is so suspenseful.

Ryan G chapter 10 . 8/17/2003

Hey Cuz,

This is pretty good. I wonder am I on the Second page? The First page is strange, Even for you! Bye I'll read the rest.

nari chapter 9 . 8/8/2003

THAT'S MY GIRL! see that wasn't so hard now was it?im proud of u cause u kept on going even though u wanted to give maybe next time u will think twice b4 u think of giving up again or u will ha ve me to deal shina that is a job.

i've changed my mind and i've decided to fix chapters 9 and 10 and keep on with the story...as soon as fictionpress lets me upload! thanks for the support and patience..much luv! ~kittyshina14

YOU KNO WHO chapter 10 . 7/24/2003

LAURA YOU CAN NOT JUST GIVE UP ON YOUR HAVE GOOD IDEAS YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THEM TOGETHER TO MAKE 'T GIVE UP ON YOUR DOING FINE YOU JUST SHOULD TRY TO PUT YOURSELF IN THE CHARACTERS POSITIONS SO YOU CAN GET AN IDEA OF HOW THEY KEEP ENCOURAGING ME TO FINISH MY STORY BUT HOW AM I GOING TO IF YOU CANT EVEN FINISH YOUR OWN?FINISH YOUR STORY, OK? COMEON WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PERSON YOU WERE GOING TO KILL OFF?I WANNA SEE IT IN WRITING STYLE ISNT BAD YOU JUST HAVE TROUBLE LINKING YOUR EVENTS RE WRITE YOUR WHOLE STORY BUT FROM CHAPT 10 AND ON IMPROVE CAN DO IT.I BELIEVE YOU GIVE UP NOW YOU ARE ALMOST DONE AND I AM ANXIOUS TO SEE HOW YOUR STORY ON WORKING ON THIS U COMPLETE THIS CHALLENGE YOU WILL PROVE THAT YOURE LIKE ANY OTHER FELT LIKE GIVING UP BUT YOU DIDNT AND YOU WILL FEEL AN BE HARD ON YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER WRITTEN A FIC LIKE THIS YOUR BAD REVIEWS AND KEEP U CURIOUS TO WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO LAURA AND ALL THE CHARACTERS?U DO HAVE SEVERAL GOOD REVIEWS SO FOCUS ON THOSE NOT THE BAD OF PPL GET BAD REVIEWS AND THAT JUST ENCOURAGES THEM TO WORK HARDER TO PROVE THAT THEY REALLY ARE GOOD GIVE UP ON UR STORY JUST BECAUSE OF A FEW DUMB I TELL YOU I WAS INCREDIBLY TIRED AND CRANKY WHEN YOU ASKED FOR MY OPINION?ANYWAY PLEASE CONTINUE?DO IT FOR MASHKA AND SERANO.

jen chapter 9 . 7/18/2003

they r going home already?how boring!well keep on writing.i hope it gets out

Hard to read, poor paragraph structure, etc etc. If you fix those your stories would be awesome. Keep it up dude.

jenn chapter 8 . 6/18/2003

umm its ok but u have a lot to work , grammar, sentence structure, ur story goes too fast, maybe you should get someone to read your stories over and help you probably why no one wants to read 1rst chapter is way too barely get to know about laura and she gets into a need lots of work and help.

There better be more! Especially since, it being Vegas, a writers' favorite place for trouble and complete changes, is their destination! Keep on updating this quickly! (Don't try to force it, however. Then stories come out bad.) This story is good!

Serebi-sama chapter 5 . 5/26/2003

I like this story!

lets see, slots sound like fun... lots of fun... oh i got an idea, something BIG should happen in vegas hehe... involving the CSI! yeah the CSI and .. some more stuff seriously like see that raper guy wandering around or have ms. leigh being watched from afar by some creep or maybe that Matthew Droun person.. oh the possiblities

Dude,no offense,but this story is happening way to fast-it's like "Hi Erik,my sisters having sex" "oh ok whatever" *has sex* "See you at the bar!" *gets raped* Like it's in fast-forward. If you added more detail,this would be great as the plot is pretty good.