tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65573102017-11-30T02:58:55.000-06:00Celtic Cross.Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.comBlogger654125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-26937489841576604002015-10-02T15:16:00.002-05:002015-10-05T15:58:10.786-05:00This place is a dusty but well loved old home.Once upon a time, there was a girl named Celti. She was a creative sort, and loved life but she was a mess. She was stuck in a dead-end job and a marriage that had lost it's purpose years ago. You know how sometimes people stay in a marriage because they think it's what best for their child(ren)? That's where she was, but it became increasingly apparent that this was NOT actually what was best - for anyone involved. She got stuck in a never-ending cycle of bitterness, regrets, and resentment fueled by abandonment, alcoholism, drug use and general mismanagement of life that left her lost, aimless and miserable. She did what she had to - what she needed to do to protect and care for her child, the best she could at the time, but she was so very lost. <br /><br /> Yeah, ok...this person is me so enough with the third person crap. <br /><br /> What I'm trying to say, actually, is that I'm a very different person these days. Five years ago I was at my top weight and in horrible physical shape (85 pounds heavier than I am now and so unhealthy), and drinking heavily. I felt the need/urge to drink to "kill my give a shit" if you will because life was otherwise too painful. I tried to hide my self-medicating from those I love...like my parents and all of my friends -online and otherwise, but I really don't know how well I managed to do that. It had to be more obvious than I wanted to admit to myself - that or everyone simply thought me unstable and sloppily careless. For the careless things I said and did, for the dreadful behavior I submitted some of them to, I am truly sorry. The best I can say for myself is that I was lost. <br /><br /> So a series of things happened that forced me to turn myself around. My ex husband, after what seemed like years of threatening to leave me, finally understood that I actually wanted him to go, and that his efforts to get me to "treat him right" when he simply refused to treat me right were for naught. You see, the house was mine, bought long before we were married, and the only home my son has ever known and I had no intention of leaving. He did, and it was like someone opened up the windows and let the sunshine and a fresh breeze in. A giant weight lifted off my shoulders that day. Oh sure - I grieved. I grieved for the loss of my marriage, for the realization that I was truly and officially alone, for the lost years, but that didn't last long. I had been set free to find myself again and to teach my broken wings to fly again (at the risk of sounding cliche). This forced me to get up off of my ass and take control of things - to start cleaning up and to get my finances straight as I was now the sole bread-winner, and everything was up to me at that point. <br /><br /> Not long after he left, I realized that the drinking wasn't really necessary any more...my desire to drown my sorrows lessened as they became lighter and I eventually stopped altogether. This was no small feat, mind you, as I had been drinking between 1/2 of a fifth to a fifth of vodka per day. I never drank during work hours or anything like that - always after getting home from work, and usually wouldn't become actually intoxicated until after my son had gone to bed, but I had already known for a while that I was hurting myself. I gained weight, my kidney's were hurting, my feet and legs swelled something terrible. Before my husband left, I would fall into bed drunk every night after hopefully having successfully avoided an argument with him about why I spent so much time online talking to all of those people instead of him. I was constantly berated for all of my time spent online talking to friends, though they were the only ones that treated me with respect and engaged in intelligent conversation with me, where he would mostly hang out with his drunken friends, smoking and being obnoxious. When I did try to focus on him, he ignored me or left to go "out" leaving me at home with the kid. <br /><br /> I feel bad for all of the time I wasted. I feel bad for my son and the fact that I wasn't a very good mother to him during these times, but he's turned out wonderfully and we are closer than ever. Yes, he is with me, and is as he has always been my rock. I can only ask that he forgive me for the time I spent mentally "checked out" in an effort to protect myself from the pain. Some day we will talk about it all and I am sure he will understand. As far as I know, he didn't really even think anything was all that wrong. He was bewildered when his dad and I broke up, and didn't seem to think that things were that bad - probably because we padded most of it and kept him out of the arguments, most of the nastiness going on late at night while he slept. He remembers the mornings that I woke up with eyes swollen from crying, but I never really explained why for fear it would make him think less of his dad. <br /><br /> So my husband left, claiming he would file for divorce but he never did. He didn't give me one thin dime of support for nearly 2 years after he left, and had gotten himself into a considerable amount of financial trouble, so I finally filed and paid for the whole thing. The child support isn't very much, and I'm sure I could get more if I pushed for it, but I don't want to be a jerk. It does help and I'd made it through with much less. I've behaved throughout this whole thing in such a manner that he and I could stay friends and work together in a friendly manner so that it served my son's best interest. Keeping things amicable and positive between his father and I is one of the best gifts I could and can give to my son. <br /><br /> It wasn't easy. The house was in horrible shape when he left. My parents stepped up and helped me clean it up and fix it up. Slowly we worked on all the issues - a new back door that's secure (rather than hanging on one hinge with broken glass/wood nailed over it and a giant gap at the bottom), fixed the roof and gutters, a few new windows, paint, fixed the front porch that was collapsing, fixed the front walls that were collapsing. It was all somewhat symbolic in nature...we worked to fix my house while I fixed my heart and my mind at the same time. Our relationship, my parents' and I, is back to what it should be. They said it feels like they got their daughter back. I never even realized I had been hiding from them in my shame and misery. They have been a blessing beyond compare. <br /><br /> Shortly after my husband left, I lost my job. I was squeezed out by a manager that decided his cocktail waitress friend should have my job, so they shoved me into another vacancy to clean up the mess left by a lady who had retired while I trained my replacement and then my position was eliminated. Slick, but at this point I feel like I should thank them...thank them for getting me the hell out of there. I was going nowhere in that company, and changes they had made to the management had taken it from a wonderful place to work, to a hell hole where nothing you could do was good enough. Recent events, however, had crammed me down in the dirt far enough that I would have never picked myself up and made changes had they not shoved me out the door. My nephew had committed suicide, my car was totaled by an unlicensed/uninsured driver, my husband had left me with no support, just to name a few of the bricks on my back. I was lower than low, so their low blow struck me in just the right spot. <br /><br />Just like the resilient tend to do, I picked myself up, brushed myself off, and got busy on the repairs. Not just the house, but my whole life. I got a new job - one that has blossomed into a fantastic career, and I've been promoted 4 times in the 4 years I've been here. I love my job now. I stopped drinking and self-medicating, got my house fixed up, traded in my old 97 Cavalier for a new car - yes, a BRAND NEW car. I never thought I would ever have one that was new, but I did. I drove my new 2014 Hyundai Elantra GT off the lot with 16 miles on it. What a feeling! I've lost 85 pounds, started doing art again, rekindled a social life and, last but certainly not least, met my wonderful boyfriend. He's the yin to my yang, my heart, my partner, my love Dean and I didn't think it would ever be possible to feel this complete and happy again. My life is beautiful. Sure, there are things that need improving still, but I'm moving forward, making progress and loving every moment of it. Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-78807880109441937992010-10-12T23:19:00.004-05:002010-10-12T23:24:31.876-05:00is there anybody out there?wow....just wow, the date of my last post. wow. <br /><br />so yeah, I'm not dead. <br /><br />So much has changed. I'm single now...well, separated, but may as well be. I don't know what to think of that some times. Other times i feel an overwhelming sense of loss and dread, and yet other times i feel hope for the future and the opportunities. <br /><br />my boy is going to be 10 this month. I can't believe it. He's growing up so fast and turning out to be a wonderful, fun, caring young man.<br /><br />my head hurts, so i'll stop for now. I've been feeling inspired to write lately, so i'm thinking this here blog might get a shot in the arm. We'll see....no promises. I plan on poking around in my list of links to see how y'all are doing. some i know from facebook, others will be a surprise. <br /><br />Be well all...see you soon. I'll leave you with this link since i'm too tired to embed right now. kisses<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qF_qbaWt3Q">this song has a profound effect on me</a>Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-13450606443417295852009-03-14T17:58:00.002-05:002009-03-14T18:12:26.401-05:00On a Boat, BishesSomeone showed me this the other day and it was just too damned funny not to share. I haven't posted in ages (yes, I'm lame) but I am still crusing your blogs. No, really...I am! What? Oh stop it, or I'll beat you with my flippy floppys. lol<br /><br />Oh...NSFW or small children due to language.<br /><br /><object width="389" height="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/R7yfISlGLNU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/R7yfISlGLNU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="389" height="320"></embed></object>Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-57112417146054419802009-01-20T13:59:00.001-06:002009-01-20T14:12:59.073-06:00<div><iframe height="339" width="425" src="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/28740622#28740622" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe><style type="text/css">.msnbcLinks {font-size:11px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; color: #999; margin-top: 5px; background: transparent; text-align: center; width: 425px;} .msnbcLinks a {text-decoration:none !important; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999 !important; font-weight:normal !important; height: 13px;} .msnbcLinks a:link, .msnbcLinks a:visited {color: #5799db !important;} .msnbcLinks a:hover, .msnbcLinks a:active {color:#CC0000 !important;} </style><p class="msnbcLinks">Visit msnbc.com for <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com">Breaking News</a>, <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032507">World News</a>, and <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032072">News about the Economy</a></p></div><br /><br />Obama's been president now for three hours...and IT's ON.<br /><br />*applauds*Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-3693211432501702402009-01-06T17:08:00.003-06:002009-01-09T10:35:09.600-06:00Snappy New Year<a href="http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/funny-pictures-kitten-presses-ctrl-alt-grr.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 371px;" src="http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/funny-pictures-kitten-presses-ctrl-alt-grr.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />So...it’s 2009. Thank the powers that be! 2008 was pretty rotten. I've heard so many say that...<br /><br />I drank entirely too much, I gained weight, I got a new boss who's an asshole, I blew off far too many things, I was ridiculously broke... so, I'm cranky but hopeful. <br /><br />SO...be forewarned: ranting ahead.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Things that Annoyed the Shit out of me in 2008:</strong><br />(I'll probably keep adding to this as I think of more annoying things, so stay tuned)<br /><br /><br />Shoes laying in the road – Where is the other one? What happened to the person? Why? Of course, this has ALWAYS disturbed me.<br /><br />Toilet stalls that make you have to straddle the toilet to get the door open/closed. Try that in a pencil skirt, assholes.<br /><br />Pantyhose... 'nuf said.<br /><br />The asshole with no license or insurance who rear-ended me and totaled my car. ...and the apathetic cop who wrote him up for no license and ignored the bag of pot he dropped behind his car even when someone showed it to him.<br /><br />Windshield wiper motors that burn out as soon as the snow starts melting.<br /><br />Pants made for women by people who think they have no curves…if it fits the hips and butt, it's huge in the waist. Gah<br /><br />The idiot new supervisor who insists I sit facing a wall so that he can peek over my shoulder to see what I'm doing. I HATE facing walls. I am going to put a big picture of a hand flipping the bird on my screen saver for him. Have I ever missed a deadline? Blown anything off? Ever produced anything that was less than top quality? NO. Piss off, asshole.<br /><br />The fact that I've morphed my anxiety and discontent somehow into apathy and laziness. Not that the anxiety wasn't unpleasant enough...<br /><br />Homework...slews of homework in second grade. It's just wrong.<br /><br />Driving my car directly into a tornado. Well...actually that wasn't so annoying...it scared the living shit out of me.<br /><br />Not getting paid for two holidays at Thanksgiving because I got snowed in out in Colorado and refused to spend 36 hours risking my life to drive home in a blizzard. (which is how long it would have taken...) <br /><br />Being ridiculously broke.<br /><br />*sigh*<br /><br />You know…there always has to be a yin to the yang... there were SOME good things:<br /><br />My wonderful parents who paid for my son's bday party, saving the day for my broke ass.<br /><br />My wonderful parent who gave me a car after asshole referenced above totaled mine...yes, it's a putt putt but it gets me there.<br /><br />My son...because he is an awesome kid, and my rock, and my light, and probably the main reason that I'm not incarcerated or dead at this point. Oy, the naiveté and destructiveness of youth.<br /><br />Obama... 'nuf said<br /><br />All my rockin' friends on Second Life. They are THE best, I tell you.<br /><br />Better financial planning for this year, starting before the year even started.<br /><br />Having enough common sense to know that it's time to stop drinking and get my shit together. Wish me luck, people...the 3-6 of you that still come here, that is. Celti still lurves you.Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-15688688403164530622008-08-01T09:11:00.003-05:002008-10-09T11:10:23.726-05:00When On-Line Friends DisappearI've been active on-line (blogging, chatrooms, Second Life, etc.) for years. I've developed a lot of wonderful friendships via the internet over the years...several people I care about deeply. We all, however, tend to keep an anonimity in tact with those relationships...know first name but not last, state but not city, etc. It's for safeties sake...don't want someone we don't really know going stalker or psycho on us. <br /><br />Those that I am REALLY close to, I have phone numbers and such for...just in case one of us drops offline we can check up on each other, not to mention chat now and then. Those I don't have contact information for, however...it worries me some times. What if they were to disappear...never login again, not answer e-mails...the worry and wondering would be frustrating at best. I've had this happen before, but they eventually showed back up somehow, much to my relief. <br /><br />I've a situation with one such friend. Well, I actually have this person's phone number, but the last I talked to him, he wasn't living at that house any more. This dear man, an intelligent, funny, soft-hearted person, is bi-polar and has suffered from horrible bouts of depression and other suffering. The last I talked to him, he had been in the hospital, and things had gone terribly wrong with his wife so he had moved out. He was miserable...missing his children, missing her, just completely miserable and so very down. There's only so much you can do from 2000 miles away...*sigh* <br /><br />Well, I haven't heard from him now for months. Honestly, I'm worried sick. He's had a history of attempting suicide and I'm scared to death that he's done it. I want to call that number I have and check on him, but I know I would get his wife... I guess you can say I'm scared to call...scared of what I'll find out. I've e-mailed several times with no response...which is not like him. Sometimes they're slow in coming, but he always respond. <br /><br />If I didn't have a phone number, I'd be completely clueless and helpless. But I have a number...I'm going to call soon...I just can't stand it any more. <br /><br />Update 10/8/08: HE'S OK :) *breathes sigh of relief*Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-56584587295616230832008-06-10T10:28:00.005-05:002008-06-10T13:05:29.818-05:00Hold on to Your Ass, Toto!oh boy...wow, I've really not posted for like...forever. I'm still around, and have been poking my nose into your blogs though I've been rather quiet. <br /><br />It's been a crazy Spring and early Summer here...tons of storms. I know many have heard about the monsterous F5 tornado that wiped out a whole town near here...but there have been many more of those twisters around...many more than usual.<br /><br />Well, the night before last, I met one face to face. We had dropped D off at his grandma and grandpas as he's spending the week camping with them and was heading home. We could see a nasty storm coming in but thought we'd get out of there in time...hahaha. WRONG. <br /><br />As I drove north, it started raining. Then it rained harder. Then it started raining sideways, so hard that I could barely see 5 feet in front of the car. The wind was blowing hard and I was having a terrible time staying on the road. As we approached an intersection where I could go right to my parents' place or left to go home, suddenly construction signs and those big orange barrels started flying across the highway. I turned right and opted to return to my parents' house. When I got there, after 10-15 minutes of white-knuckled struggle to stay on the road, I found them in their basement with the weather radio blaring tornado warnings...the twister had just passed over the spot where I was. <br /><br />I knew it was a tornado, but never saw the funnel as there was just too much rain. Talk about an adrenalin rush, though...woo! I think there are still fingernail marks in my steering wheel.<br /><br />So now, we get to deal with the floods...they're closing the down town bridges tonight. Just help me pray we don't lose power and water again. Now, THAT sucked.Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-62028077719708967932008-02-15T14:32:00.001-06:002008-02-15T14:34:41.915-06:00Yes, We Can<object width="389" height="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2fZHou18Cdk&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2fZHou18Cdk&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="389" height="320"></embed></object>Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-17827850669080709512008-01-09T13:44:00.000-06:002008-01-09T17:14:48.451-06:00It's a Cyber-Cat's LifeMany of you that come here or have been coming here know that I've been spending most of my on-line time playing Second Life. It's an amazing on-line world, and there are many games inside the game. Well, recently, I've tried something new in there and have found it very entertaining.<br /><br />The world of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gor">Gor</a>, based on the novels of John Norman, has a huge presence in Second Life. It is a somewhat primitive world, involving an alternate planet where men are very dominant and many women live as slaves. See the link for a lot more details if you're curious...it's rather complicated actually. <br /><br />Quite a while back, a friend was telling me about her involvement in Gor in the role of a panther. Panthers are, in a nutshell, outlaws and escaped slaves - female warriors who live in tribes in the woods and jungles. Very protective of their own and dedicated to their tribes, they are fierce fighters. The world of Gor in Second Life relying on role playing to weave the intricate stories of each person's life there, panthers spend most of their days defending their territory and their "sisters" from invasions from unfriendly tribal rivals and Gorean men looking for slaves. Most of the fighting is done with bows and arrows (and very realistic, I might mention) but some hand-to-hand combat with spears and daggers comes into play as well. <br /><br />I was initiated into my friends tribe along with my closest friend a few weeks ago. Yes...I am now a panther. We get captured now and then and it is up to us to find a way to escape or our sisters organize a rescue party to come get us. If we are victorious in battle, our captives are usually traded for goods or for a captive sister that the enemy may have. Sometimes, however, they are kept as slaves of the tribe and, now and then, they can even be killed. It's an exciting and some times savage world full of great fun and adventure.<br /><br /><img src="http://img47.imageshack.us/img47/1931/panthersl7.jpg"><br />Panther Celti :)<br /><br />Last night, I kicked a Gorean pig's butt, tied him up and traded him for two bars of chocolate. whoochacha!Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-60323781863940919282007-12-20T11:50:00.000-06:002007-12-20T11:51:45.165-06:00Merry Christmas<img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2286/2124589845_af5cafe496.jpg?v=0"><br />I'm off this afternoon to try to finish my shopping for Christmas gifts. Yes yes, I know...at least I won't have to fight the weekend crowds of procrastinators this weekend. Hope you all have a peaceful, happy holiday. xoxoCeltihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-57871638225047211762007-11-27T10:28:00.000-06:002007-11-27T10:38:57.284-06:00Have I lost it? Why YES!*grin*<br /><br />Is spring here yet? Shit. Guess not. <br /><br /><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/221/453718141_be05fe8def_o.jpg"><br />"Elaine - Enjoying a Few Drinks and a Traditional Mustard Easter Cigar with Bathing Easterish Ponies, Hello Kitty Heads and a Ton of Headache Inducing Marshmellow Fuckwads" by Merkley<br /><br />My sidebar is borked. So is my header. Jeebus, even my profile image is. I have to get my butt in gear and fix all this stuff...or not. Damn, I'm lazy. <br /><br />Yeah...I hotlinked. Bad girl! *swats self in the butt* If someone yells, I'll fix it but I'm to feckin' lazy to do it without being yelled at. lol<br /><br />My dad told me that "the Golden Compass" is evil because it's an athiest movie. huh? O.o<br /><br />Just in case you wondered, 'tater tots are evil. pure.evil. yes.<br /><br />I used to be apathetic but now I just don't care.<br />*laughs*Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-34362617830416308612007-11-16T11:48:00.000-06:002007-11-16T11:49:50.980-06:00bwaaahahahnot the ride on anyone's shirt tail, but I also don't want to make a liar out of myself *points down at last post*.<br /><br />I'm too busy giggling and guffawing at <a href="http://teamsugar.com/group/46813/blog/771943">this</a>, however...<br /><br />Go look and laugh with me.<br /><br />Happy Friday!Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-56286350164851567552007-11-07T08:37:00.000-06:002007-11-07T08:44:20.827-06:00RevivalHey! Hi there. How the hell are ya?<br /><br />For those of you that still pop in to check on me these days (all what...2 of you?), apologies for my absence. It's true that I am still spending the majority of my on-line time in Second Life. I have a ton of cool friends there, a job doing security in a club, I build, dance...blah blah. You don't wanna hear about all that, I know. <br /><br />Yesterday I was looking for a particular picture that I knew I had posted in my blog. As I combed through my archives, it occurred to me that I really do miss this creative outlet. It might take me a bit to get back into it, but I think I'm going to try to start posting regularly again. <br /><br />Ahh, it's good to be back. Now to make the rounds and see how many links over here are outdated/dead. *sigh*Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-64748923688246744132007-08-13T21:19:00.001-05:002007-08-13T21:23:17.938-05:00'Round and 'Round We Go<param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9eDJ3cuXKV4"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9eDJ3cuXKV4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="389" height="320"></embed>Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-23018753265461517232007-07-07T16:08:00.000-05:002007-07-07T16:39:19.825-05:007/7/7<br /><br /><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/47EBLD-ISyc"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/47EBLD-ISyc" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="389" height="320"></embed>Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-54936945329163026572007-05-16T13:00:00.000-05:002007-05-16T13:06:09.042-05:00Made of PainA woman is not made of flesh, bone and sinew <br />belly and breasts, elbows and liver and toe. <br />She is manufactured like a sports sedan. <br />She is retooled, refitted and redesigned <br />every decade. <br /><br />Cecile had been seduction itself in college. <br />She wriggled through bars like a satin eel, <br />her hips and ass promising, her mouth pursed <br />in the dark red lipstick of desire. <br /><br />She visited years later still wearing dark red lipstick, <br />and danced through Manhattan in mini skirt, <br />hair loose as a horse's mane. <br />Oh dear, whatever has happened to poor Cecile? <br />She was out of fashion, out of the game, <br />disqualified, disdained, dismembered from the club of desire. <br /><br />Look at pictures in French fashion magazines of the 18th century: <br />Century of the Ultimate Lady <br />a fantasy wrought of silk and corseting. <br />Paniers bring her hips out three feet <br />each way, while the waist is pinched <br />and the belly flattened under wood. <br />The breasts are stuffed up and out <br />offered like apples in a bowl. <br />The tiny foot is encased in a slipper <br />never meant for walking. <br />On top is a grandiose headache: <br />hair like a museum piece, daily ornamented with ribbons, <br />vases, grottoes, mountains, frigates in full sail, <br />balloons, baboons, the fancy of a hairdresser turned loose. <br />The hats were rococo wedding cakes <br />that would dim the Las Vegas strip. <br />Here is a woman forced into shape <br />rigid exoskeleton torturing flesh: <br />a woman made of pain. <br /><br />How superior we are now: see the modern woman <br />thin as a blade of scissors. <br />She runs on a treadmill every morning, <br />fits herself into machines of weights <br />and pulleys to heave and grunt, <br />an image in her mind she can never approximate, <br />a body of rosy glass that never wrinkles, <br />never grows, never fades. <br />She sits at the table closing her eyes to food <br />hungry, always hungry: <br />a woman made of pain. <br /><br />A cat or dog approaches another, <br />they sniff noses. They sniff asses. <br />They bristle or lick. <br />They fall in love as often as we do, <br />as passionately. <br />But they fall in love or lust with furry flesh, <br />not hoop skirts or push up bras, <br />rib removal or liposuction. <br />It is not for male or female dogs <br />that poodles are clipped like topiary hedges. <br /><br />If only we could like each other raw. <br />If only we could love ourselves <br />like healthy babies burbling in our arms. <br />If only we were not programmed and reprogrammed <br />to need what is sold us. <br />Why should we want to live inside ads? <br />Why should we want to scourge our softness <br />to straight lines like a Mondrian painting? <br />Why should we punish each other with scorn <br />as if to have a large ass were worse than being greedy or mean?<br /><br />When will women not be compelled<br />to view their bodies as science projects, <br />gardens to be weeded, dogs to be trained?<br />When women cease to be made of pain?Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-41463403066207416132007-04-08T19:51:00.000-05:002007-04-08T19:53:40.594-05:00Happy Easter<img src="http://img484.imageshack.us/img484/6914/easterrs7.jpg">Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-25921066753126455632007-02-24T23:58:00.000-06:002007-02-25T10:52:49.141-06:00ACK O.oDamn, I overdid it last night. I'm told by my partner in crime, a girl I've been friends with since we were four years old, that we now have a Friday night tradition. That would be going to Hugh's Jungle Room and dancing, drinking and doing karaoke. Yes, that's right - Celti got up on stage and sang. EEP!<br /><br />I had not performed in public since college musicals. Although I know I sound freaking awesome when singing in my car to the radio (lol), I wasn't so sure about this. Turns out I did ok...got a few compliments from strangers, so it couldn't have been half bad. I sang "strong enough" by Cheryl Crow. :)<br /><br />Anyway, they have this signature drink there named a Texas (something quite rude that rhymes with agate) and whoo, boy. It's a powerful concoction. I only had three last night and man, was I blasted. This morning, I was most certainly green around the gills. ack.<br /><br />I won't share my views on my musical performance of last night. Let's just say ack again. lol Anyway, I'll beware of the drinks, and will be sure to pick out more songs that suit my range and attitude like Cheryl. :)<br /><br />My friend, I'll call her Neece, is a freaking hoot. In the 30+ years we've been friends, we've never fought, never had a falling out at all. We tend to go for periods where we don't see each other much, then we fall right back in just as if we talked yesterday. She is a priceless gem.<br /><br />Ahhh, fun times...Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-40804901797344225122007-02-12T21:04:00.000-06:002007-02-12T21:01:21.060-06:00My Goodness, Yes...I'm still alive. I'm ok. I'm keeping on keepin' on. I have plans. I'm moving forward. Life is good and bad and confusing and amazing. That's really about all I can tell you. ...well, except for I love you for continuing to care about what's up. LJ post coming soon, methinks. *smooches*Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-1168829824724980332007-01-14T20:29:00.000-06:002007-01-14T21:06:47.580-06:00Bad to the BoneHello! Yes, yes, I am alive and well...I've just been a bit swept away from the blogger world, that's all. I've been bad and I apologize for seemingly abandoning this, my home on the internet.<br /><br />Honestly...it's Second Life. Really. It's pretty much all I do while on-line now-a-days. I dance in a club there, have a place of my own, have tons of wonderful friends and am even working on starting my own business. I'm learning to build things, and reception to them has been great, so I'm looking into selling them. There are people who actually make a living running their own business in Second Life, peeps! I'm not kidding. Find something that's in demand, word gets out and you've got it. It's no joke really...Second Life is growing like a field of weeds. <br /><br />...a few stats for you:<br />Total Second Life Residents: 2,594,214 <br />Online Now: 21,499 <br />US$ Spent Last 24hours: $849,397 <br /><br />That's 24 hours. Nearly a million in 24 hours. There are days that I've seen it to be over a million. Unfortunately, they are a private company right now, so no stock available, but you can bet I'll be buying some if they go public. Wooo ha! <br /><br />I've actually considered starting a Second Life blog. I think I would call it "Avies Behaving Badly". *grins* There are tons of them...go look. It's just that there are so many crazy things that go on, so many tangled up relationships and scenarios. It really would be a scream. I've explored the world of being a neko(part cat, part human), have gotten to know the social and feeding habits of shemales, befriended furries and demons...it's freaking amazing. Oh...and I'm a dominatrix in training! :p <br /><br />Sooo...how are you? lolCeltihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-1166838284073305282006-12-22T19:31:00.000-06:002006-12-27T20:15:08.913-06:00Pffft - UpdatedI heard a song this afternoon that pretty much wrapped up how I'm feeling lately. Because I don't feel as if I can properly express myself with my own words, here you go:<br /><br />You can look at the menu but you just cant eat<br />You can feel the cushions but you cant have a seat<br />You can dip your foot in the pool but you cant have a swim<br />You can feel the punishment but you cant commit the sin<br />And you want her and she wants you<br />We want everyone<br />And you want her and she wants you<br />No one, no one, no one ever is to blame<br />You can build a mansion but you just cant live in it<br />Youre the fastest runner but youre not allowed to win<br />Some break the rules<br />And live to count the cost<br />The insecurity is the thing that wont get lost<br />And you want her and she wants you<br />We want everyone<br />And you want her and she wants you<br />No one, no one, no one ever is to blame<br />You can see the summit but you cant reach it<br />Its the last piece of the puzzle but you just cant make it fit<br />Doctor says youre cured but you still feel the pain<br />Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain<br />And you want her and she wants you<br />We want everyone<br />And you want her and she wants you<br />No one, no one, no one ever is to blame<br />No one ever is to blame<br />No one ever is to blame<br /><br />Merry fucking Christmas<br />Bah humbug.<br /><br />UPDATE - 12/23<br />Well folks, my attitude has improved significantly since I posted this (thank you Lani, Spc...). It was just one of those weak moments, lubricated by alcohol and pushed by the surface by demons. <br /><br />I'm looking forward to watching my little one squeal with delight on Christmas as he opens all his packages. He will be very happy and that makes me happy...that's really all that matters. I am loved and for that I'm thankful.<br /><br />My best wishes for a lovely, peaceful holiday to you all. *hugs*Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-1165331063740387002006-12-05T08:53:00.000-06:002006-12-05T09:05:11.156-06:00Off the face of the earth is really a lovely place....and the fall didn't really hurt at all!<br /><br />I know, I know...you were so worried about me, right? <br /><br />Right?<br /><br />lol<br /><br />Well, I'll be the first to admit that I've been bad. Very bad. I've been drunk many times, smoked, went to strip clubs and had lap dances, played on-line games for far too long, cybered, played with guns - I've just been a bad girl. Spank me.<br /><br />In addition to all of the above, since I've spoken here, I've been sick as a dog. I fell victim to some nasty virus that raped my sinuses and shit in my lungs. I think I've finally blown them right out my nose, though, so all is well. I've been shuttling the child to appointments, Christmas shopping, reluctantly playing the domestic diva role, and generally slacking off as much as I can get away with. <br /><br />I've popped around to most of your blogs and read at least a couple of times per week, but I just haven't felt that I've had anything significant to say here. I've neglected my Live Journal groups to the point that there is no hope of my ever catching up on what I've missed. Oh, well. <br /><br />Honestly, most of my on-line time now-a-days is devoted to <a href="http://www.secondlife.com">Second Life</a>. If you haven't checked it out, DO! It is freakin' amazing. It's an on-line virtual world where you can build things (and even sell them if you want), go shopping, take classes, go clubbing, interact with others while you do anything from going to church to participating in a BDSM orgy. You can even fly and teleport! The characters (aka avatars) are strikingly realistic. I've met many great friends there and have been having a blast. So yeah...I've been sucked in and I'm loving it. If you sign up, give me your SL name and I'll "friend" you. :)<br /><br />So, that's where I've been. Where have you been and what have you been up to?Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-1164257498084570212006-11-22T22:50:00.000-06:002006-11-22T22:51:38.170-06:00"Is the glass half-full or empty?" I ask her as I fill it.<br />She said it doesn't really matter, pretty soon you're bound to spill it.<br />With the half logical language of the sermon she delivers<br />And the way she smiles so knowingly at me gives me the shivers.<br />I pull the blanket higher when I'm finally safe at home.<br />She'll take a hundred with her, but she always sleeps alone.<br />The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-1164043617700754892006-11-20T11:10:00.000-06:002006-11-20T14:41:09.920-06:00TrialsI am SO glad this is a short week. Last week was trying to say the least. I try so hard to stay positive, and then something happens that makes you just want to throw your hands up and say "fuck it." <br /><br />Not that I want to document every shitty thing that happens here - au contraire, I'd rather focus on the good. Some times it's a simple thing that comes along and puts things in perspective. Thank heavens for those things. I had one of those moments this morning. <br /><br />I was thinking about the ride home from my parent's place last night. We went to visit them since they're heading for Colorado today. The drive is about and hour and a half, and we set out about 6 or so to head home. <br /><br />We stopped for gas and to air up a tire that was a bit low. We grabbed a few snacks and hit the road. The D-Man chose cheetos and some chocolate milk. Hey, his choices, so whatever but it sounded like a gross combination to me. <br /><br />Anyway, about 15 miles out of town, D pipes up from the back seat with "Mom, I puked." WHAT?? I was driving, so Chris turned around to check things out and confirmed that he had spewed cheetos and chocolate milk all over his front. Lovely. Fortunately, his sweatshirt took the majority of the hit, and I was able to pull over, get him out of the car because he was threatening to spew again, and get his sweatshirt off without spreading the mess around. He had a shirt on underneath, but was cold so I gave him my jacket. No more puking. Whew. Turns out that was a bad combination after all. <br /><br />So, on we went down the road. After seeing a large deer hanging out on the side of the road ("Doop de doo, oh, hey! A car!"), I felt fortunate that he hadn't decided to meet my bumper. <br /><br />We came into the city and hit the freeway to head to our area. As I entered the freeway, that pesky tire that had been low started making an awful noise. Uh oh. I made it about 1/2 mile and BLAM! A blowout. Now, consider that we are on a section of freeway that has no lane to pull over into. Yeah - about 3 feet of space. I pulled off as far as I could and turned on the blinkers. Dodging traffic whipping by at 65 miles per hour, I jumped out and pulled D out of the passenger side while Chris dug the jack out of the trunk and got to work. D and I stood up on the enbankment - there was no way we were sitting in that car in case some idiot rear-ended us - a dangerous situation to say the least. <br /><br />Now, remember that I had given my jacket to D. It was about 30 degrees and I have no jacket. *shiver* I parked D up there with instructions not to move a muscle, and proceeded to dig the spare out of the trunk. Chris got the shredded tire off and took the spare, and I chucked the trashed tire into the trunk. Team work, I tell ya. <br /><br />Anyway, getting back to the point, I drove D to school and in to work on a donut this morning. As I drove along and pondered last night's drive, an old favorite came on the radio. The lyrics - that's what put things back into perspective a bit...<br /><br /><em>Well the first days are the hardest days,<br />Don't you worry any more<br /><strong>'Cause when life looks like Easy Street<br />there is danger at your door.</strong><br />Think this through with me, let me know your mind.<br />Woh - oh, what I want to know, is are you kind? <br /><br />It's the same story the crow told me.<br />It's the only one he knows.<br />Like the morning sun you come and like the wind you go.<br />Ain't no time to hate, barely time to wait,<br />Woh - oh, what I want to know, where does the time go?</em> <br /><br />No time to dwell on shit like that. <br />I had a spare, D feels fine and we got home safe, that's all that matters. <br />Let it flow and let it go.Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6557310.post-1163780774303490342006-11-17T10:09:00.000-06:002006-11-17T10:32:14.706-06:00WTF? It's El Sid's Fault - Really, it is.<img src="http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/HPM/BM1132~All-About-Me-Posters.jpg"><br /><br />1) What stickers do you have on your car, if any?<br />A "Dogs Deserve Better - No Chains!" sticker and several small sun/celestial type doohickeys.<br /><br />2) What posters do you have in your room?<br />Um...which room? I have a few in the computer room (Grow Hemp for the War, the island I lived on in Paris, a spooky looking witch-type girl...), but not in my bedroom. I'm a grown up now, silly. I took David Cassidy down at least 2 years ago!<br /><br />3) What do you hear right now?<br />The very annoying buzzing of my CPU. *smacks CPU*<br /><br />4) If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?<br />Bailey's Irish Creme<br /><br />5) Does anything hurt on your body right now?<br />My head is providing me with a dull ache.<br /><br />6) If someone you hated died, would you laugh and spit on their grave?<br />No, but Karma and I would share a hearty high-five.<br /><br />7) What's your job position called?<br />Marketing dowhateverineedtodotomakeyourshitorganizedandprofessional*gasp* soyoucanmakealotmoremoneythanme Assistant<br /><br />8) What size ring do you wear?<br />Which finger, ya dork? They're all different sizes! <br /><br />9) Do you own a camera phone?<br />Yes, yes I do, so don't pull any funny stuff around me that you don't want documented.<br /><br />10) What's your bf/gf birthday?<br />I can't answer this since I don't have a bf/gf.<br /><br />11) What was your elementary school's mascot?<br />A squat, drooly bulldog. He was stinky and made pig noises.<br /><br />12) What's your favorite bottled water?<br />Aquafina, I suppose. What difference does it make??? <br /><br />13) What's the next concert/show you're going to and when?<br />Just saw the Blue Man Group this week. I'm pondering the idea of going to see Supernova, but I'm sure I won't decide until the only seats left will give you a nosebleed.<br /><br />14) What were you doing at 9 pm last night?<br />None of your business. Let's just say I was on my hands and knees. *grin*<br /><br />15) What's your favorite Starbucks drink?<br />Pumpkin Spice Latte - No, that's not an overweight, burnt-out Spice Girl<br /><br />16) Do you exercise as much as you should?<br />Hell, no! Who does?<br /><br />17) Did you attend your High School prom?<br />Yes, I did...in a tuxedo. I shit you not.<br /><br />18) Did you go to someone else's prom?<br />Hell, no. <br /><br />19) Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on you?<br />I TOLD YOU I DON'T HAVE A bf/gf! You're not listening, damnit! If I did, however, probably not. Then again, we could get into the whole debate over what really counts as "cheating" and sexual relations and crap. Aw, hell.<br /><br />SOME STRANGE QUESTIONS:<br />Ooooh kaaay.<br /><br />Something purple within 5 feet of you:<br />My big honkin' Eddie Bauer water bottle.<br /><br />How long can you hold your breath underwater?<br />long enough to sneak up on you and depants you. muuaaaahaha<br /><br />The weirdest thing you've ever heated in the microwave?<br />I don't remember but I'm fairly certain it didn't end well.<br /><br />How much Japanese do you know?<br />There was this kinky gal named Keiko who gave me a lapdance...oh. Domo arigato.<br /><br />Sparkly things?<br />uh... yeah, the diamond on my finger is sparkly. Does that count?<br /><br />Ever crash a car, been in accidents?<br />Never with me driving (knocks on wood) - I've always been the horrified, helpless front seat passenger. Three times. Because of this, I have a tendency to stomp the imaginary brake & gasp a lot - just let me drive.<br /><br />Do you look good in yellow?<br />Simply put - no.<br /><br />Do you sing?<br />I sure do. I do a wonderful Chester from Linkin Park. Screaming and all.<br /><br />Ever sang in front of a crowd?<br />Yes, yes. High School/College musicals & shit. Oh yeah, karaoke. \m/<br /><br />Do you dance?<br />Yes indeedy. I even took lessons when I was younger. No, you can't see the pictures.<br /><br />Is your hair long enough to chew on?<br />I'd guess if someone wanted to chew on your hair, they are zombies trying to get to your brain and you must immediately hit them in the head with a cricket bat or your life is forfeit. (This was Sid's answer, but I had to leave it because it was fucking brilliant.)<br /><br />Least favorite color?<br />pink. You will not catch me wearing pink. It makes me wretch. <br /><br />Favorite kind of pizza?<br />Thin crust sausage & mushroom is the standard, but that chicken garlic pie from California Pizza Kitchens is rocking my socks.<br /><br />Ever had Dippin' Dots?<br />What the fuck are Dippin' Dots? I guess that would mean no.<br /><br />Ever played an instrument?<br />Yup - piano, French horn, trumpet, bass guitar. <br /><br />How many tickets do u have?<br />Tickets? Lottery tickets? Concert tickets? BE MORE SPECIFIC, LOSER!!<br /><br />Do you own your own car?<br />Yes, I do. Hooray for no car payments!<br /><br />What kind of car is it? <br />Chevy Lumina. Boring, but fast and reliable.<br /><br />Do you want to get married?<br />Um...been there, done that.<br /><br />At what age do you want to have kids?<br />Been there, done that, too.<br /><br />How many kids?<br />No more. I really think it wise to avoid contributing to the overpopulation of this fine planet. That, and my sanity would surely suffer should I have any more. Oops, too late for that. <br /><br />***<br /><br />You made it this far? Well, bless your freakin' little heart. Here are a couple funnies for you as a reward:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeH_UFmZ3aM" target="_blank">Photoshop madness</a>!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_headline=what-is-santa-doing-down-that-chimney-&method=full&objectid=18056897&siteid=94762-name_page.html" target="_blank">Santa, how COULD you?</a><br /><br /><img src="http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/7259/vodkapq7.gif" align="right" /a>My work is done here. Now, comment, damnit! ;p<br />Out.Celtihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05797303959239389031noreply@blogger.com0