paging doctor google

The truth is.. I’m starting to feel very scared about this cycle and I’m trying sooo hard to stay off Google.

I’ve already started over-responding. My initial dosages were only 10 iu of lupron, 75 of gonal-f and 75 of menopur. Last night, I was told to reduce gonal-f to 37.5 and everything else the same. Today I was gold to drop menopur altogether and up my gonal-f back to 75. But the worse– I have about 40 follies right now. Yes, 40 follies. History tells me that a very high number like that means shitty quality.

And I’m scared.

I’m not so much scared of #ohss because I’m already starting with the symptoms, and I know it can be managed. I’m scared of going through all this just to have the same thing happen again. All those months on birth control, all those injections, and all these follicles. I know that Dr. G is just going to push me to OHSS and will freeze my embies to be transfered at a later date. But what if they don’t make it to freeze.. again? And what if they do, and I get to transfer and it still doesn’t work.

I wish there was some way that I knew other women were in this situation and had success. I’m too scared to google to find out.

A told me I should try to stay in the moment since we can’t know the future. I’m trying and it’s hard. At least the silver lining is that by August 15th, I’ll know something. I can survive this roller coaster for another 2 weeks.