Archive for February, 2009

I had a wake up call today. And it hurt….. i actually cried, felt like it was unjust. but it was needed. i’ll do better from now on. im determined to, if only to prove them all wrong. dicipline is the new theme for my life. i need to be more energetic, active and PROactive. I need to be more like Gbonju. i swear that girl is a constant reminder for how i need to be living my life lol.

The saying “Weeping may endure for one night but joy will come in the morning light” always helps me see through to the other side of times like this, when i’m feeling overwhelmed by things or just not totally right. Thank God change is constant. Sometimes I couldn’t be happier that this is the truth!

random thought – im glad that our flesh and our emotions are regenerative. i sometimes think that we’re a bit like less exxagerated forms of superheroes that can grow back their limbs after being injured in battle. don’t laugh but it’s like when we cut ourselves; over time the wound is healed and renewed because our skin regenerates itself, which is a pretty amazing process in itself. But, the skin grows back a bit different because of the wound, so a mark is left. We seem to heal from hurt the same way on the inside too, cause just like our skin we can restore our emotions after being hurt but we come out of it slightly different. The change in our thinking or our character is the result of the emotional wound that is healed but remains there as a reminder of the hurt. I think this inner healing is even more spectacular though, becuase the process is harder to go through and takes more effort but the reward is that we’re becoming a better person in the end. think about it, and i mean really think about it. isn’t the human body amazing? Arent WE amazing?

Until next time, im off to work on living a more diciplined lifestyle. Starting with me being asleep before 12am and waking up at 6am. So far i’m cutting it fine with the bedtime, let’s see what happens with the wakeup call……….. (wow, didn’t even realise the irony of than sentence until i read it thru) ……… [is irony even the right word to use??]

“You know I can’t wait to see my name in lights
No one’s gonna stop me, you’ll see, I will go far”

Remember those lyrics from Taina on Nickelodeon? Well my name was in some LED plasma screen lights today cause the show I work on, ‘Snog, Marry, Avoid?’ aired tonight and you finally got to see what on earth i’ve been doing for the past 5 months! Don’t worry if you missed it though, cause you can catch it for the next 12 weeks, every Monday at 8.30pm on BBC3, also meaning that I can bask in all it’s glory another 12 times before I get bored lol. The novelty has already slightly worn off though, seeing as I’ve seen the first 2 eps at least 4 times and now know the exact in and out time codes of every song used, whether it’s for 2 seconds or 2 minutes, and I have another 10 to go – but rest assured I’m not complaining! It was really good to see my name up there, especially as I’ve wanted that to happen for a long time. I’m movin on up babay, movin on up!

Check out the video below to see a clip of Chantelle on tonights show. If you’re a fan of Jodie Marsh then you’re in for a treat next week. If for nothing other than to see her with no makeup on, tune in at 8.30pm on BBC3. You’re guaranteed a laugh!

The video for the new India.Arie and Musiq Soulchild song ‘Chocolate High’ is out. It’s a really cute video and a nice song. Not exactly what I was expecting from India (the song, not the video) kinda sounds different, but I’m looking forward to her new album. check it below.

oh ALSO, can somebody please tell me why Twitter is so popular? I know hardly anybody on there so haven’t got much to follow other than Erykah Badu and Vibe Magazine so add me if u use it… username is phreshmentality. I just don’t really get why it’s so popular yet cause it’s basically just knowing what someone is doing at every moment of their life and unless they are somone you’re a ‘fan’ of then I don’t see why you would care, but we’ll see how i feel about it once i get some friends on there lol. maybe im just hating cause im not a part of it yet lol.

Finally, some new D’Angelo! You don’t know how long ive been waiting for this. The vibe of this song is so smooth, soulful and free…… the type of music I love. And oh my goodness is this man sexyyy. his voice could melt icebergs. Can’t wait for his new album to drop! Apparently he’s been in the gym too, you know, getting right for his comeback. If u saw those court pics of him a while back then you know it can’t hurt but i’ve decided I want him no matter how big his belly is…. The man is still sexy as hell!

Whassup whassup, how is everyone? (that means you, Sarah and the other 2 people that might read this blog lol – Sadie and …..umm….. ok, 1 person) I’m back and feeling rested, rejuvenated and revised. My outlook is so PHRESH right now, I’m feeling goood baby! Jamaica definitely has a good effect on the soul, cause mine is singing. I’m about 5 shades darker too – feeling glowing and healthy, although it’s starting to fade a bit now. All i know is that I’m bloody freezing now i’m back. I don’t do well in cold weather. WHY is it still snowing tho? 8 inches is enough! am I the only person that’s not that excited about it? I did go out and play in it today cause it did look pretty amazing (my snowman was beyond pathetic tho, he didn’t even deserve to be photographed – shame!) but although it’s given me a couple extra days off work and is nice to look at, i’m BORED! This idle time has made me appreciate having something to get up for in the morning. i’ve been disgustingly lazy today and it doesn’t feel good at all. What a waste of time! I can’t believe having days like this was a normal occurence during uni – time well spent huh…….

So nothing groundbreaking has happened since I got back. I’ve definitely caught some Caribbean vibes tho cuz i feel so relaxed about everything. No more doubt, no more worry, just carrying on working hard and going with the flow. Things out there made me realise that life’s too short to agonise about what is to come. It’s about seizing the opportunities. As long as I’m living right and doing my part then what I want will come. Faith. Another thing I feel is CONTENTMENT. I had a really memorable conversation with Gbonju before i left, and one of the things we spoke about was being content. I am definitely feeling that now. I hope it continues. I intend it to, it’s a great feeling. I think what may have helped was the lack of television and advertising exposure i had on holiday. It was great not being influenced by anything I saw on the tv or in a magazine. I really and truly didn’t want for anything or feel like i needed to have or change anything for the whole 2 weeks. And it’s funny that now I’m back i’ve started thinking about this bag that I really want or those shoes that I just HAVE to have…. Let me nip that in the bud before I get back to my old ways.

Well, there isn’t really much else to talk about, so i’ll leave you with a poem. I need to remember and believe these words, as do all of the other women I know and love – if they aren’t doing so already. We all need bit of encouragement sometimes (at least i know i do….)

WOMAN
When you are feeling like your strength is wavering and hope is fading
remember you are a WOMAN
a being of towering strength who can
withstand pains greater than the largest ocean
a woman who can
endure trials harder than the most of rocks

In times of doubt and darkened despair
take peace in knowing, you are a WOMAN
a beautiful Goddess filled with light and love
brimming with confidence that can swallow doubt whole

So many aspects to an amazing being
your beauty is overwhelming
emanating from the deepest parts of your soul
to the very tips of your toes
let your aura surround you
cascade around you
a blanket of peace and serenity
and take comfort in knowing
you are a WOMAN
phenomenal and magnificent
WOMAN
beautiful and wonderful
WOMAN
enduring and amazing
WOMAN
daughter and sister
WOMAN
mother and wife
WOMAN
uniquely you
capable of wonders beyond your knowledge
my faith in you is unwavering and honest
accept the wonder of YOU as others do
see your wondrous spirit as we all do
let it fill you
flow in and through you
a fountain of energy bringing force and faith to you

Hold on
hold on to all of this – WOMAN
let this knowledge of your power influence and define you
and WOMAN
know that you, feminine and pure
epitomy and definition of life and beauty, strength and love
you, WOMAN, can conquer anything.