R.A. Gudino - Aspiring Writer

Monday, January 9, 2012

Rushing In

I'm a jump-in-and-hope-for-the-best kind of person. Despite previous experiences, I think, "This time everything will go well," or "I'll make it work somehow." For most of my life, if I wanted something, I went after it, paying no heed to possible consequences or cost. Not surprisingly, I have suffered much pain in recent years, most of it caused by my own blind choices. I have vowed to be different, and by the grace of God, I'm becoming wiser.

But once again, "want" has reared her demanding head. I want to return to the U.S. to visit my parents and grandparents in March. For various reasons the timing just seems right to me, except for two things: the possible stress for Raccoon and the money. I am trying to hold back, to let it go, and to remind myself that what I set my hope on often isn't all I think it will be. There is always a certain element of risk involved. I tell myself, "It's not just me anymore, other people pay for my choices too." Even so, I think the trip would be good for Raccoon and me in so many ways (see what an optimist I am?). My husband, on the other hand, represents the "what if it is horrible?" point of view, and after many hard-knock lessons learned, I try to listen.

So want is still fighting with wisdom, and it's hard to tell who's going to win.