171. Submissive to Mike or Mike’s Submissive?

Growing in my SubmissionThis will wrap up the discussions Mike and I have had regarding renegotiating our Contract. I am sure some of you are like, “Good, now give us a spanking story!” Patience, as I do have one for you, but it will have to wait. As a teaser, let me just say I wish I hadn’t wished for more breast punishments (Post 166. My favorite kinks).

HARD LIMITSOur current Contract has none. At the time I felt it would suffice to simply rely on my safe words. That has worked just fine, but, both Mike and I recognize that as we have ventured into some more challenging waters (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party), it wouldn’t hurt to have something listed as a hard limit.

I wrote before about considering adding pee related activities as a hard limit. After talking with Mike, I initially requested we just leave things as they were – no defined hard limits. I would just continue to use my safe words. Mike objected, and specifically said he wants me to make a decision regarding pee being in or out. So, we are adding a Hard Limit list to our Contract. Those limits are Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Face Slapping, and Scat.

Yep, I left pee off the list. I did say that my tolerance would be low, but I would reserve my safe word for any time I just could not handle the taste. As I shared before, it typically ranges from almost no taste to just a bit odd. But occasionally it ranges between rancid and putrid. As Mike knows I dislike it, I thought I would give him something to go to when he really wanted to make a point. Who knows, I may acquire a taste for it. Ug!

CONDENSE DISCIPLINARY ACTIONSThe Contract currently provides specific actions for Mike regarding “Common, Escalated, and Intense Rewards.” It prescribes the number and intensity of both warm ups and the spankings. We are deleting those sections and references. This is more of a formality. In practice such specifics have been at Mike’s discretion for some time. Also, we are renaming “Rewards” to “Discipline.

This renaming of the punishments seems minor, but is noteworthy. Word choice is extremely important (Post 24. My approach…). Words mean and evoke different things in different people. You want words that both parties can connect with in the same way, else any particular word might actually mean two different things. At the time of our last contract, Mike didn’t like the word “punishment” as he felt it had demeaning connotations. For him it was an obstacle that made it more difficult for him to feel good about punishing me.

He wanted to call them “consequences.” I was fine with that but then had the idea to call them “Rewards.” Reason being they were actions that helped me reach my goals. Mike really liked this. Knowing I looked at them as a Reward, he was immediately more comfortable in disciplining me. We are both past the need to call them this and “Discipline” is a word we both are comfortable with.

By the way, as we reviewed the contract he read aloud this section twice.. “It is Jennifer’s intent that the Rewards remain significant enough as to cause an appropriate level of discomfort for her such that she will wish to avoid such a Reward in the future.”

Mike nodded his head as if to soak in the words and then said, “It is time to ramp up the intensity of your discipline.” He went on to say he senses some of my punishments have lost some of their effect as a deterrent. He doesn’t want me to fear discipline, but he wants to make sure I respect it as a deterrent. He also plans to ramp up his lecturing, talking more about the impact my behavior has on him and not just on my inability to meet my own duties and obligations. I reassured him I felt his discipline has been an appropriate deterrent; however, I respected that he thinks otherwise and would accept his assessment.

We finished up with all that I covered over this and the last several posts, and made a few other minor tweaks here and there. Mike asked me, “How do you feel about what we discussed?”

I told him I felt great and felt a lot of satisfaction in that we formalized and added to what will become our next chapter in our evolving dynamic. And lastly, I was excited about implementing the new additions. I told him I felt proud in this one, clear, revelation I had about this process. Our last contract was about me being submissive to Mike. This one is more about me being Mike’s submissive.

Posts 94, 111, 155 reference her contract a bit. I decided against showing it in its entirety although maybe I’ll share at some point. Reason was, although I love sharing experiences we have we have with her, I don’t intend to make my blog about her journey. Not out of any jealousy, but out of respect for her privacy. When I do mention her, I try to post about her in the context of her impact and influence on me and Mike. I don’t always stick to that, but I think I do okay. Kayla has been okay with what I have shared about her thus far.