Nebraska fans: Who you'll hate in the Big 10 and why.

I posted this last year during all the conference re-alignment buzz, but I thought I would re-post it again today in honor of Nebraska's 1st day in the B1G.

(It turns out I was a little off on Iowa and Wisconsin. There's more true Iowa hate there than I realized. The Wisconsin hate was ruined a ltiile bit by the B1G by putting them IN THE WRONG DIVISION.)

Anyway . . .

Nebraska fans: Who you'll hate in the Big 10 and why.

OhioState:

You will instantly hate Ohio State. Everyone always does. You will find their fans ignorant, crass, and crude. You will wonder why there are not jail cells in Ohio Stadium like there are in the Pros. Of all of the Big 10 schools, Ohio State will remind you the most of a Big 12 South school.

Michigan:

You will find Michigan fans arrogant with a sense of entitlement, but for no justifiable reason. They will be knowledgeable and friendly when you visit their house, but they will talk about you behind your back. You will get so sick of hearing about the split 1997 National Championship that you will gladly give them the crystal trophy from your half of the title, just to shut them up. Of all of the Big 10 teams, Michigan fans will treat you like a guest in "their" conference the longest.

PennState:

Penn State will be assigned to you as one of your designated rivals. You will not be asked your opinion about this. It will be for the Big 10's convenience, not yours. You will try to play along, but you won't actually hate Penn State. You will find their constant whining about the refs, the scheduling, the weather, the whatever, to be pathetic. You'll pity them more than hate them.

MichiganState:

You will not hate Michigan State at first. Until they finally beat you. Then you will hate Michigan State. That one win is all you'll hear about until your ears bleed. It won't matter if you beat them the next 9 years in a row, that one win is all you'll hear about. Nobody gets more mileage out of one win per decade than Michigan State.

Iowa:

You will feel compelled to hate Iowa because of proximity. The rivalry will be intense and passionate, but as long as you win your fair share, it will never quite digress into true pure hatred. You will be a little disappointed by this.

Wisconsin:

This will be your biggest rival. When you look in the mirror, you will see Wisconsin. Everything you like about yourself you will see in Wisconsin. Everything you don't like about yourself you will see in Wisconsin. You both currently occupy the position of kings of honest, in-your-face, power football. The Big 10 town won't be big enough for the both of you.

Illinois:

Illinois will annoy the hell out of you. They will show up once a year and declare themselves your biggest rival, even though you'll have no recollection of actually losing to them. After your game with them, you will completely forget all about them until next year when they will remind you again.

Minnesota:

You will dread playing Minnesota. Not because of the hatred of a bitter rivalry, but because there is just nothing to gain. If you win, it was what you were supposed to do. If you lose, it will always be in the back of your mind: We just lost to Minnesota. Is this the inflection point of a lousy season? Ask Penn State about this.

Northwestern:

You will admire and respect Northwestern for how, against the odds of being a small private academic school, they still field some competitive winning teams. You will show your admiration and respect by beating the crap out of them.

Indiana and Purdue:

You won't care at all about Indiana and Purdue. You will feel bad about this. But you still won't care.

Good and funny summary. You forgot to mention that everybody hates tOSU because we are all jealous of them. Even with all the trouble with the program, I still hear the jealousy excuse for all the press coverage. People in this state really have a hard time forming their own coherent opinions regarding college sports.

The only thing I would have added regarding our beloved BLUE is, with UOS, we are either the first or second most hated team in the conference. At least that is the impresion I get from listing to other fans comments.

"No man is more important than The Team. No coach is more important than The Team. The Team, The Team, The Team" - Bo

I thought Nebraska's problem was just an accounting issue. Like you have to have x amount of dollars in research funding, and the Department of Agriculture grants weren't counting towards Nebraska's total.

If I were Nebraska, I don't know how much I would even want to get back into the AAU. Being the first and only member (and founding member IIRC) to get kicked out of an organization for a bogus accounting problem is a tough pill to swallow.

"We bring you to Michigan to take care of Michigan; your job is to protect that block M."
-Carol Hutchins

If you don't hate us already, it'll take a while, but you'll get there. The first time we play at your stadium, you'll be amazed at how well our fans travel, how happy we are to visit your lovely town, and how generally nice we are (with the typical exceptions). You'll appreciate the level of knowledge of the game that the fans have. If you visit a game at Lincoln, you'll be warmly welcomed as new family members, you'll marvel at the sportmanship of the fans, and admire the applause that the fans in the NW corner of the stadium will give your team as they leave the field, regardless of who won. Generally, you'll have a positive opinion of us all.

This will soon change.

You'll realize that what we prefer to call "nice", is actually raging passive-aggressiveness. (It would be impolite to criticize you to your face, after all.) You will realize that instead of channeling our considerable knowledge of the game into useful things like UFRs, we instead criticize the officials. A lot. Even when it doesn't matter. And it will drive you crazy. The second time we come to your town, instead of being amazed at the sheer numbers of us, you will organize Don't Sell Your Tickets To Nebraska Fans rallys. (See NU vs. ND, 2000) By the third meeting, we will have found our favorite hangouts in your town, and they will be the same as yours. Like (really nice) bedbugs, you won't be able to eradicate us. So, yeah, I'll be telling all of my friends that come out to make certain that we meet up at Ashley's. You're welcome.

we need to talk. oh where to begin. Firstly, yes I went to OU during the early 80's and attended a few OU-neb games. it was during your 'roid years -- remember those years; where for some reason, the linemen all had girlfriends who were majoring in Pharmacy -- go figure. When i left oklahoma, I thought that I left you guys back in the f'ing cornfields; see what happens when someone turns their back....

So to give you a point of reference with respect to the note about OSU, Tressel makes Barry Switzer seem like a chiorboy by comarison. At least Switzer was honest about his cheating.

Those are pretty spot on. But speaking only for myself, I am not a Michigan fan who will hate Nebraska behind their back. I have always been vocal about how much I hate them and I will not hide it. I'm proud of that hate. They earned that hate from me, and not just from the 97 season.

"wolverinehistorian, for someone so dedicated and seemingly level headed, his grudges are monumental." ~ triangle_M

you mention that nebraska is like wisconsin since they "both currently occupy the position of kings of honest, in-your-face, power football." i haven't watched a lot of nebraska games, but don't they employ a spread offense now? i know this was not intended to be a factual thread, but i was just wondering if there was something i was missing about our newest B1G team.

I could be wrong here as I don't watch a ton of Nebraska games either, but I think it's a more OSU/Troy Smith thing where they happen to have a very fast QB and see the wisdom in using him in shotgun/spread formations to get him into space.

"We bring you to Michigan to take care of Michigan; your job is to protect that block M."
-Carol Hutchins

It's the same option offense they've always run, just now in shotgun. Last year instead of Tommie Frazier, they had Taylor Martinez (hearing them say T-Magic gets old quick). Instead of Ahman Green and Lawrence Phillips, they had Roy Helu and Rex Burkhead. Even though they throw more now, neither had very good receivers. So, obviously, 2009 Huskers weren't nearly as good as in 95.

that i don't like penn state and all i can come up with is that they are not michigan. i don't run across many of their fans, and i think the white outs are pretty cool, and they have a big band and some good cheers and decent uniforms and nice tradition. if they were in the big east or something, i would probably like them.

i guess i don't like that one red head assistant coach they have, but that is about it

Fuck jNW. Here's a good analogy from a more devote Hawkeye fan than myself:

I fucking hate the purple nancies, but they’re not a rival and they never will be.

Iowa’s relationship with Jnwu is the same as Mario’s relationship with a Goomba. Those little goddam mushrooms are weak and useless, but every now and again when he’s not paying attention, one of those little bastards gets him.