I have always wanted to post this ever since joining ABT, but never got around to it. To clear things up right away, this is not about a person who has passed, she is still alive.

If you are familiar with my posts in the past(especially from the old forum) you are familiar with the story of me and my ex. I will give a brief overview, but if you want more details, just look up my past posts. I feel down two times of the year, August and December.

I met my ex online 18 years ago(18 years to the day on December 22). She was a divorcing mother of 2 and I was a lonely college drop out who never had a girlfriend. We started as friends and things quickly progressed emotionally with each day of chatting(back when MSN Messenger was a thing) and talking on the phone. I was preparing to join the Army and she was leaving her soon to be ex abusive husband. I vowed to be with her and treat her better than she ever imagined. Once I joined the Army two months after we met, contact was sporadic at best. When the time finally came to meet her, she had a boyfriend but still wanted very much to finally meet me. We found out our feelings were genuine when we met. That caused big problems between her and her boyfriend(he became abusive over it), but that didn't stop me from visiting or her from welcoming me. However, she would not leave him.

I could visit her being stationed an 8 hour drive away, but that all changed when got orders to be stationed in South Korea for a year. We kept in touch and I sent her money during hard times. She struggled to support herself and was trying to get her life together so she could have her daughters visit. I made plans to take leave and fly stateside to see her for her birthday in August. She had broken up with her bf in the meantime and moved in with her mother. I bought three gifts for her: a guitar, a yoga outfit, and an engagement ring. I needed to show her I was serious.

A few months before I would fly in I did not hear from her. Something didn't feel right, but I flew in anyway. Therr was noone to greet me at the airport. She had no number to reach her at. I called her mother and learned heartbreaking news: she had gotten back with her bf and was now living in the streets. I woke up the next day after crying myself to sleep and started tracking her down via email. She responded and gave directions to a highway overpass that she lived under with her bf and a few other homeless people. I confirmed her situation when I found her. I visited the next few days and everyone living with her knew who I was, and told me they wish she was with me and not her bf. The night before I had to fly back out I gave her the gifts. I knew she could get much needed cash for them. I told her about the ring and could see her fighting back tears when she declined my proposal. I told her I loved her from thr first time we met and would forever love her before leaving to fly out next morning.

Less than a month later I met my wife online. We hit it off right away like we always knee each other. It was mind boggling how soon such a thing happened. We met in person when I returned stateside and got along really well. She also had two girls from a previous relationship. My ex emailed me in the meantime apologizing for what she put me through and to tell me she left her bf for good after he beat her up badly. She was dating a man with my same first name who she said treats her like a princess. She thanked me for showing her how she should be treated. That was bittersweet news to me.

My wife and I married a year and a half after meeting. Our marriage has been great and wading through tough times
together only brought her and our daughters closer. It would be several years before I figured out how to track down my ex on Facebook. She messaged me a heartfelt apology for what happened years ago and declared me one of the dearest and most important people in her life.

I am very fortunate to have met my wife. Otherwise I would have gone through hell since what happened. I love my ex more than I can say, regardless of whether I am with her or not. As long as she is in my life. Part of me wishes we would have had a chance together. I know I would have made her very happy. I made her very happy and she told me this. She never believed I stay happy with her, but I knew ehat would never be true. I love her for who she is. I love her enough to be happy that she is happy being with someone other than me.

Ever since we reconnected on Facebook, we messsge each other about social issues and politics. We both are respectful enough to our respectful marriages to keep things appropriate She is very intelligent and debates well. We both have very similar beliefs. She normally comments once a week, but the past month she has not messaged me. I get worried and also miss the conversation. I wonder if she is ok or if it is something I did. I hope she is doing well.

I have one wish before I leave this life. I want to meet eith her one more time and tell her I love her forever no matter what. I had a dream a few years ago of doing just that. I was a happy time that made me smile.

I have no gotten a response from her in almost two months and she has not posted anything to her Facebook page in the same amount of time. I am really beginning to worry about her and hope she is doing ok. Hopefully it has nothing to do with anything I have done