The Crumpetty Tree Deli/Cafe in Hove

Palmeira Square, the beautiful area firmly across the Hove border with big Regency style buildings and the old church with a flower stall outside - know where I mean? Good. Go there because there you will find a DIAMONDeatery,The Crumpetty Tree.

Having worked in the square (ha! that sounds like EastEnders) for 4 months now, there's been plenty of time to scout out the local talent, if you will.The Crumpetty Tree has been open a few months in the same space which used to be called 'Foodee...licious' (cringe, that's almost as bad as 'Scoff and Banter' in Leicester Square!) And is run by a lovely friendly, genuine couple who are always happy to see you. The Boy and I are regular customers (at least once a week) and have sampled many of their soups - which are served with half a crusty baguette and the BEST butter, stuff like: Spicy tomato and lentil, cream of leek and celeriac and Moroccan spiced chickpea. There are often two to choose from per day so it's not all or nothing like most cafes.

Their golden egg, in my opinion, is the deli salads they serve, all home made with locally sourced produce. They are extensive - we're not just talking leaves and a few bits - we're talking leaves and coleslaw, artichokes, lentils, mackeral pate, cous cous, red pepper pate, broccoli, sun dried tomatoes, massive olives, potato salad (all at the same time) topped with meat or fish of your choice - Smoked salmon being the choice of kings. You get all that for £5.90 - and that's sitting in! of course you can take away as well and leave off the meat or fish for about £4.90. Well worth the fiver.

Their coffee is great - they've barista trained all their staff properly as we have done 'The sugar test' many a time on their cappuccinos (drop a sugar cube into the milk foam and see how long it takes to sink - the longer it takes, the better the cappucino) accredited by experts, see.

There's an extensive sandwich menu, which you can have on different types of bread and they're named clever titles, related to music. We sampled "Return of the Mack" one day which was unfortunately just average. Sandwiches, in general, should be bursting with filling, the filling is the what you pay for and what makes it worth having, especially as they are easily made at home for half the cost. This one was just as it was described but just too thin and anaemic. This is their only fault and it is definitely not a game-killer because if we had piped up to say anything, such as "Can you just pimp this a bit please?" they would have no-doubt pimped it so hard it would have made 50 cent look like Polly Pocket.

They take their name from a nonsensical poem by Edward Lear entitled the Quangle Wangles Hat -

"....And the Quangle Wangle said To himself on the Crumpetty Tree,-- 'When all these creatures move 'What a wonderful noise there'll be!" and they live up to their name by selling hot buttery crumpets with your choice of topping for about £1! So if you don't want any of the amazing, colourful, fresh, healthy lunch choices you can get your naughty fix as well. Everyone is a winner!

And, as if you need another reason to visit, they sell cool produce such as posh chocolate, local cheeses, chutneys, preserves and other bits as well for you to take home to add your Hove collection of superior cupboard items.

So there we are, the wholesome, local, very reasonable Crumpetty Tree with it's friendly staff and great view of The Square, so you can catch Danny Dyer getting a quick 'knee-trembler' behind the bins or spot Ian Beale peering out from behind a tree. If this is your local area and you want to know what other gems are 'on the square' Unithai is a Thai supermarket just around the corner and you can view my friend Rosie's vlog hereas she reviews it on video.