CSI: South Korea

There’d been a murder…a horrendous bloody ordeal, and the killer was still out there. But there was only one man for the job – one person who could bring the deranged perpetrator to justice! He doesn’t play by the rules – but GODDDAMIT he gets results!

Well…there were many people, but I was the only one available. Everyone else had the winter-flu, or just couldn’t be bothered. But still…A MAN HAD DIED, AND I OWED IT TO HIS FAMILY TO WORK OUT WHO, AND WHY! THEY NEED JUSTICE!

Alright, alright – it wasn’t real – it was a reconstruction mystery thing – but I like to take things seriously, as you know! The truth of the matter is that a certain student’s Dad is a well-renowned criminologist, and writer in South Korea. An expert in the field.

I do recall that the first time I met him he was introduced as “being on CSI” (as opposed to being a legitimate criminal scientist),so I plowed in with questions about acting, and how he managed to get into character. Cue tumbleweed, and horrendously confused looks.

Anyway, for the second year running he was putting on this CSI: Experience event, in which people can come and see how forensic scientists, and police catch violent criminals. I was allowed in for free, along with my Korean friend who obviously had to simultaneously act as my on-board translator.

Soon the bloody killer would be experiencing CSI…through ME!

The whole thing was set up with incredible attention to detail. As soon as we walked in we were given a couple of cool CSI vests, along with all of the forensic gear to make sure we didn’t spoil the evidence of the crime scene…you know, the gloves, the shoe covers, hair protector, and surgical mask. I couldn’t believe the horrific scene, I felt bad for the poor dead guy who was lying there (who was actually a rubber dummy cast from my student’s Dad himself!) I noted bruising to his face, and chest – cuts to his chest, and violent slashes to his wrist…self defense wounds…I thought to myself, fully pretending that I was now in a television show.

There were bloody footprints at every turn, a pool of blood, and bizarre blood spatter in odd patterns. You could see where the blood hadn’t landed, which also gave away vital clues as to what had happened there. Someone had clearly been looking for something…but what?

The employees of the place kept talking to me in fast Korean, and only when I must have looked like a hugely confused donkey – did they ever try to interject with intermittent English…“what – what that?” They would say, pointing at would-be evidence. But there was more to this story, that was clear. What about the strange muddy footprints, and the open window? What about the two coffee mugs, and the open pizza box? Something was strange here…and I had to get to the bottom of it!

I took some photos for evidence, and moved on. We entered the crime lab where we looked at how to see invisible footprints under various luminous lighting. We then went to see the blood spatter expert, and worked out that it was certainly a knife that was used, along with two sets of fists. And we then also looked at fingerprints, and used those funny little brushes, and brightly colored powder in an attempt to get to the bottom of this mystery. But the plot was only thickening, and throwing us deeper, and deeper into confusion. On an unrelated note, I was also getting, very, very, very hungry.

But we finally got a breakthrough – CCTV from the outside of the apartment! There was a lot of coming, and going – but in one panel I noticed that one of the men who had left was miraculously shorted on the way back out…how had that happened? Perhaps…of course! THE WINDOW. One of the men must have entered, tied him up – and then threw down a rope in order to allow his friend to gain access away from the incriminating front door camera!

We were given a list of suspects, and began to try, and decipher who was guilty…who had blood on their hands, murder on their conscience? My partner worked it out, I’m going to say thanks to the fact that she is Korean, and can therefore speak Korean – but hey, my motive, and strange twist turned out to be correct too. I guess we made a pretty good team in the end.

I think I’ll be hanging up my boots though, it was a tough career – and I had a 100% success rate…one, out of…well, one. Those are pretty good stats, I’m going to quit while I’m ahead! And just watch CSI on the television like everyone else!

That sounds like a lot of fun! I used to be really into CSI (the original, I never got into the spin offs) when I was in high school, I had the Nintendo DS game and I still have the board game around here somewhere. I kind of fell out of it around season 4 or 5, but now I kind of want to marathon the whole series again!

That looks AMAZING! I would have been convinced I could have made a proper fake career out of it (only dealing with plastic bodies, which would make me a shoe-in should a Kardashian ever get murdered). But those telly CSI people get shot and have messy lives, so probably best to quit whilst you’re ahead.

I spent 16 years with the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension. If you have read any of John Sanford novels, that is us, or now that I am retired, that is them. Anyway, I worked on the first floor, the fashion models and guys with aviator sunglasses worked on the third floor. We would have lunch from time to time and take my word for it, forensic scientists are perhaps the world’s most boring people. (sorry guys)