Understanding Teenage Anxiety

All parents of teens know what a turbulent time it is. Your children are unable to get through to you and you are looking for a way to effectively communicate with them. But Hope Network is now attempting to make you see the scenario from your teen’s eyes.

Teenage is a very difficult time for your child. That’s right; they are not just out to get back at you. They are confused, scared and insecure and as lost as you are right now. The predominant feeling during the entire teenage is anxiety – about peers, about school, about popularity, about bodily changes and even about sex. Today, Psychotherapist Siobhain (Vonnie) Crosbie from London has stepped in, to enlighten us about what goes through the troubled mind of an anxious teenager. She has penned her thoughts and she hopes that now parents will understand what their child is facing; and teens will be able to express how they feel.

My name is Siobhain(Vonnie)Crosbie and I run a private company based in South Woodford, London, England. I have been practising Psychotherapy incorporating Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and other models into my work with teenagers for over 11 years.

Anxiety is a common feeling in teenagers and can be the result of different issues.

Pressure from parents to succeed

Emotional insecurities created by conflict in the home

Divorce and separation of parents

Bullying in school

Jealousy and anger in siblings

Death of a sibling or a parent

Sexual abuse and violence directed towards a child

Being aware of violence from one parent to another

Religious and cultural dynamics

Peer pressure and

Physical and emotional transitions

What anxiety feels like

Being a teenager is a hugely difficult time, a transition from childhood to adulthood. Expectations are increased and yet the brain is still developing and hormones are impacting on the teenager and creating bodily changes that can be quite daunting and at times difficult to adapt to.
Anxiety can cause differing reactions in the individual, it can make us feel as if we are going to be physically sick and can also feel like butterflies in the stomach. It can make us start to feel as if we cannot breathe and this can take us towards having a panic attack. It can make us physically shake and become very tired depending on the level of anxiety.

In my experience the commonest form of anxiety I have worked with, is youngsters that have witnessed anger and confrontations within the family home. A teenager is neither fully adult, yet they are no longer the child, and they can still feel vulnerable and helpless at not preventing violence by adults and often observing violence or anger creates fear and anxiety of what may happen if the situation escalates. This can cause high levels of anxiety in teenagers.

As the teenagers develop and become more independent, they can subconsciously recreate the anxiety by creating situations or dynamics that will bring them back to the feeling of anxiety as it becomes a feeling that’s irrationally comfortable in its presence.
A teenager can try to control the feeling, once again, subconsciously by directing it into a symptom of anxiety. This can present itself in many ways. Food disorders such as anorexia, obsessive compulsive disorders, self harming and more. These conditions in my opinion often present themselves as a way of gaining control over feelings that feel uncontrollable and the origins can often be anxiety.

The therapeutic approach that I have always used is a combination of a Person Centred Therapy (Carl Rogers), Psychotherapy (Freud) Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (Beck/Ellis).

By understanding where the anxiety originally comes from and incorporating cognitive behavioural therapy to help control it, as well as using deep breathing exercises is, in my opinion the way forward.

“Working with teenagers is my favourite area of work, it allows me to dress casually, breaking the pattern of superiority and authority within the dynamics of the therapeutic relationship and allowing for equality within the room. Also my personal thoughts on teenagers are that they often can be more open minded in relation to their understanding and they have a longer opportunity in life to use their understanding and increased self awareness for the benefit of themselves and their future relationships. “

It is important for all teenagers looking for therapy to be aware that their appointments are confidential in the same way that adult’s appointments are confidential, the only time confidentiality is broken is when the teenager presents a high risk of suicide.
APS Psychotherapy and Counselling.
Tel: 0208 556 4984
www.apspsychotherapyandcounselling.co.uk

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About the Author

I have been practising Psychotherapy/CBT/Person Centred Therapy/Gestalt and more for the past 11 years. I have over 9000 hours of therapeutic experience. I am a qualified Mediator, Family Therapist and Counsellor/Psychotherapist. I am a member of BACP and I am qualified to Senior Accreditation level. I have worked with couples, families and individual clients, also registered as a therapist via AVIVA Insurance

13 Comments

A lucid picture of the troubled phase of adolescents that gives the adults, especially the parents/guardians to understand, and handhold and mentor the adolescents. Thanks, Vonnie, and am looking forward towards more from you.

Your comments are appreciated and I will be submitting more articles over a period of time.

I am pleased you have found it useful.I hope teens out there get a true understanding of what they might be going through and if any of the script increases their awareness and provokes a request for help I will be very happy.

Anxiety is self-created.Nobody imposes anxeity. It is neither inherited.It is you, who have loaded heavy anxeity on your small head. Unknowingly you must have added the weight slowly. Now the weight is more and unbearable. You should now know how to unload that weight of anxeity. Unloading is also to be done slowly and steadily. It cannot be done overnight.Analyze how you have loaded this anxeity on your body. This anxeity comes due to unnecessary, unwanted and undeserving desires which we start developing. When the desire is not getting fulfilled, one gets frustration. Frustration leads to worry. Worry leads to anger. Anger leads to indecision or wrong decisions. One becomes restless. Mind becomes stressed. One does not get proper sleep. Then we try several methods to come out of it. We commit more mistakes by thinking that drugs and alcoholic drinks may reduce the tension. Sleeplessness leads to mental functioning getting affected. Mental upset, mental disorder. Our efficiency goes down. Our effectiveness goes down. Our memory weakens. More and more anxeity comes. We become a laughing stock before others. We take loans and we are not able to pay back in proper time. Family is worried and affected.Can you now please see what is the origin of this anxeity. Cut the source now itself. Then only you can come out of this trouble.

I badly need help. I entered 11th last year and my grades fell so low that I almost failed in every subject. I remain depressed all the time. Almost everybody in my class performs well except for me. I’m not someone who cannot do. But now it seems like good grades are not my cup of tea. I don’t even feel like studying these days because of the grades scored by me. I feel like it’s of no use as I did poorly every time during d last year even when I studied. And so the concepts that I was to understand last year are not clear and now I’m suffering even more because what we have now is linked to what we had last year. And now only 6 more months are left for the boards. I need to score at least 80% marks. My dreams are too big for my grades.
I don’t even feel like writing school exams. My mom, though she is an awesome lady, and as usual expects her daughter do do well. But I don’t. She has lost faith, so have I. And her words make me feel depressed. I’m already doing bad and above that her words make me feel sick. For example: I’ve got my second unit tests in school and she was like, “Go and read! Although I know how you are going to perform”. Clearly shows that she is sure of me scoring poorly again. I admit that I have not really studied. How do I? I keep on thinking about my bad grades and upcoming failures all the time! I’m sure that I’ll fail again. I’ve even asked my mom to take me to a psychologist for this problem of mine and trichotillomania, that I suffer from. But she ignores and giggles away and says that I don’t suffer from anything and this is just my mindset. I feel depressed. Clearly, she thinks that I’m trying to get away with my bad grades by giving such excuses. Seeing bad grades has kind of become a daily habit for us.

Help! I’m dying.
Forgot to mention something. I feel like dying and quitting my life. I don’t just because my parents would be under unnecessary trouble.

I badly need help. I entered 11th last year and my grades fell so low that I almost failed in every subject. I remain depressed all the time. Almost everybody in my class performs well except for me. I’m not someone who cannot do. But now it seems like good grades are not my cup of tea. I don’t even feel like studying these days because of the grades scored by me. I feel like it’s of no use as I did poorly every time during d last year even when I studied. And so the concepts that I was to understand last year are not clear and now I’m suffering even more because what we have now is linked to what we had last year. And now only 6 more months are left for the boards. I need to score at least 80% marks. My dreams are too big for my grades.
I don’t even feel like writing school exams. My mom, though she is an awesome lady, and as usual expects her daughter do do well. But I don’t. She has lost faith, so have I. And her words make me feel depressed. I’m already doing bad and above that her words make me feel sick. For example: I’ve got my second unit tests in school and she was like, “Go and read! Any which ways I know how you are going to perform”. Clearly shows that she is sure of me scoring poorly again. I admit that I have not really studied. How do I? I keep on thinking about my bad grades and upcoming failures all the time! I’m sure that I’ll fail again. I’ve even asked my mom to take me to a psychologist for this problem of mine and trichotillomania, that I suffer from. But she ignores and giggles away and says that I don’t suffer from anything and this is just my mindset. I feel depressed. Clearly, she thinks that I’m trying to get away with my bad grades by giving such excuses.

Help! I’m dying.
Forgot to mention something. I feel like dying and quitting my life. I don’t just because my parents would be under unnecessary trouble.

Dear Sonal,
Thank you for writing to us. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. But first of all what I would like to know is, did your grades suddenly drop real low in 11th? If so, there HAS to be a reason behind it. Are you not happy with the stream you’ve chosen? Or something else is eating at you? Feel free to confide in me over email or here. It’s very important to get to the root of your declined academic performance. Give it a long hard think, be honest with yourself and come up with a possible answer. I’ll be waiting for your response.

Hiee..i am anna,18 class 12th.
I have anxiety issues i guess. If i have to catch a bus tom morning i wil start worrying about it right now only. For eg i will keep thinking i have to wake up at this time .i have to wake my dad up at this time and stuff…and i do not relax until i am seated in the bus for atleast ten min…that is the case bcz it is only sometimes that i have to go by bus and not car.
Otherwise also..if i have to go to ttn or have a practical i get all worked up..my hands and feet go extremely cold even if im wearing socks. Otherwise iam rather confident but all this goes on inside and reduces my efficiency to work. I am always worrying about everything. Like how will i get into a good med college?
Im gaining weight, i am fat.
I have been unable to fulfill my own wishes which depresses me more.
On the other hand my parents keep taunting me about how i am not studying but trust me i do..but there are no results.
And then again i want some attention like any other girl..some acceptance some want..which i do not get and that again depresses me.
This all goes on at the back of my mind.
At other times i am happy satisfied,.happy really enjoy..but these times are there for only a short period of time. My habit about worrying is troubling me a lot. I feel everything is wrong and need a psychiatrist.
I have psychology as my subject in 12th and i know..these things are common in everybody’s life..but if these hinder your work efficiency stops you from living life properly then its not okay.
I feel all the time, wish i could go into psychotherapy or client centered therapy.
Please i need help, guide me. And i have done reiki as well but that doesnt seem to help these days.
Phew thats all.

I don’t really know if I can help or not but I think all you need is a good boost of encouragement. Probably a close one, a friend maybe able to help you.
There is nothing I can do to reduce pressure but all I can say is that GOD is there somewhere, just trust HIM. I am sure He will give us what we truly deserve, we just need to be patient enough.
I know its difficult but I am doing the same.

Hello, my name is Ananya, I am 16 yrs old and in class 12.
I think I am suffering from depression.
I am always feeling low about myself. I feel tired and take naps in the afternoon.
I am very normal except when mom or dad tell me something bad. I feel deeply hurt with what they say, I feel that they just don’t want to understand me. I have tried to explain how bad I feel but they tell me to prove them that they are wrong. I am not competing for who is right or wrong am I?
I am in the top 3 students of my class but yet they won’t appreciate me. I once actually failed to speak good about myself cause I did not remember when last I had heard good about myself. My school friends ditched me but it was never their fault because I was so busy studying all the time that I never paid any attention. Now when I spend sometime with others they say its time waste.
They don’t ever appreciate me, insult me in front of everyone and now I have become so habituated that before that say anything I myself tell all the possible bad things they can say about me.
I become hyper reactive when I am hurt. I feel like I am choking, I struggle to breath and feel my heart is going to explode and this lasts for a few hours and then I become normal again. I have thought of ending my life many times.
For the past 3 years I have not gone down to play and I mean it! I go out probably 6 times a year including all occasions.
I feel small and uncertain about myself.
My parents tell me I am not beautiful, not healthy, not a good student, not a good daughter, have no friends and a failure. I will not be able to do anything in life and will remain alone and unsuccessful forever.
My grades have gone down, I don’t feel like studying anymore and I feel like enjoying a bit more but mom thinks that I enjoy too much and study less.
At times when I am alone I talk to Imaginary people I have created, talk to pillows at night, cry and laugh with them. I sometimes don’t understand whether something has really happened or not. I have a problem of sleepwalking and sleep talking which is severe, but I remember nothing about it.
Sometimes I curse myself, abuse myself and hit myself to reduce the pain I am going through, something which my parents are completely unaware about.
I need help! Please advice me.

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