Hey!
Aww shit, we need to kinda
keep this on the DL.
Heeeeey….
This is Loretta Jenkins
and How I Seize It is
there is government spies everywhere!
They just waiting' to toss your ass
into GuanoToronto
you don't even know!
But luckily, there's some true blue
Americans out there
that remember what integrity is!
I be talking about this Edwin Snowin.
You know, he exposed that the US
is all up in our bisnatch.
These fuckers is goddamn heroes!
Recognize the truth, motherfuckers.
Them there's patriots right up there with
George Harrison and Washington Jefferson,
them sumbitches what wrotes our laws and shit.
Them founding father figures.
He did what was right.
He shared the truth with the American people.
What would have been treason
would have NOT been sharin' this information
with the American publics.
Lay off of him,
you dumb capital hill sumbitches!
Sometimes I just wanna
sock ol' Eric Holde
square in his salt-n-pepper nut sack.
It's a pretty sad America,
when folks is just doin their duties
and the only safe place
for them to go is goddamn Russia!
And he ain't even in no safe house.
He shacked up in some goddamn airport
like that Tom Hanks was in that shitty movie.
Where he was stuck in a terminal…
Or he had terminal AIDS…
I can't remember.
Shit, all his performances rightly the same
if you asked my opinion.
I tell you what!
I'm gonna get me some toilet pape
with the Patriot Act on it,
so I can just wipe my ass
and show y'all what I think
of your secret hush-hush
government control sumbitches
just what I think about you
shitty, abusive legislation.
I mean that's hypothetically,
seein' as I no longer poop.
Y'all this here's America.
Land of the Free,
Home of the Brave,
Run by the same bunch of
control freaked, power hungry
secret society, skull and crossbones
motherfuckin' illuminati sumbitches!
And whistleblowin' is the onliest
way to take down the curtain
and bring down the man!
And I need to do my civic
Nurse Nightengale job
and grant this nerdy patriot some 'sylum.
I hope he a hungin'.
I can give him some 'sylum
up in my fuck-chute.
(laughs)
Let him whistle blow up in there!
(coughs)
(laughs)
Listen Whores,
Nerdies always fuck you good,
cause they always trying so damn hard.
Y'all member that in a pinch.
Hey!
Y'all know that term
bitches gets the twitches?
No..
Bitches get snitches?
Well fuck that!
These fellers should get rewarded
for doin' they par!
I say Whistleblowers gets my pussy!
REWARD!!!
You know,
like how you supposed to do
when the boys come home from wa
or when they get home from prison.
Or if they wife's away.
Or in a coma.
That's when you need to help out your neighbors!
And then who's that other one?
That queer one?
Oh! Bradley Manning!
Oh but wait, what's his name now?
Cause he say he a girl now.
He the one that done all the Wikileekins.
And I don't rightly know
exactly what that mean
but I keep waiting for somebody
to make me a Wiki page.
Hey, somebody take that on!
And here's the funny thing to me.
After he gets sentenced to 35 years in jail,
all the sudden he be a tranny.
Hey my name's Brenda or Chystal
or something gay like that.
He wanna be a Orange is the New Black!
Hey!
That's a TV program,
you dumb, ignorant sumbitch!
Wikileeks shoulda peeked
how dumb you is…are…stoop.
You know, back when I was growin' up.
Before all this NSA spying shit
and Google Earth
and GPS-ing every goddamn square inch
of this hell hole…
And everybody gotta be PC
or else your Twitter gets jailed.
That's when people should be
like Norma Rae,
holding up an American sign saying,
"Hell No, We Won't Go
And Take None of Your Spy Shit No More!!!"
This shit is wrong, friends!
But now, thanks to GW,
you just gotta flee the goddamn country
to voice your opinion.
Don't be surprised if I don't get
expatriated to Sweden or Kenya o
(fart)
Fuck, I hope they gots internets over there.
Hey, you know what?
You can be whatever side you want to on this,
because the fact of the matter is
this Snowglober, he was trying
to do the right damn thing.
And if the right thing
keeps us as a Society
from living under a Watchdog-
Under a goddamn microscope-
Afraid of our shadow all the time.
I mean who the fuck
wanna live in a fucktarded, Neocratic hell like that?
Shit!
Yeah! No one.
Except for maybe them reality peoples
that gets they 14 minutes
every 24 hours or something like that.
And all y'all conservative dipshits out there saying
"Well the Supreme Court says…"
Well you just give us the rest of this Obama term
and give us some Hillaries up in here?
We'll see how many corporate-friendly
government-controlling-you cases
they get through the Big House then
and that's How I Seize It!
Free Snowman!
Free at last!