Mom is finally selling houses! Problem is she isn’t licensed. No big whoop for her, the test will be a breeze! Except she freaks when she meets Kim, a mega realtor who’s sold 358 houses and is getting recertified. She walks out of the test, assuaging her failure with a Chipwitch. Mmmm…now that’s something I can get behind: Chipwitch and a mostly Mom-centric episode.

Justin Warner’s Review of The SmokeShack Burger: ‘Shack Sauce Is Great Lube’

Justin Warner, as we know, can turn a phrase. And so, Eater obviously nabbed him to review his favorite burger in NYC for their (admittedly polarizing) Burger Week 2013 Celebraish.

He lovingly chose Shake Shack’s SmokeShack Burger, a double bacon cheese burger with cherry pepper relish, and fired off a ladder of taste-metaphor in his written review that we never wanted to stop climbing. To wit:

“First, a skiff of Shack Sauce, which is vaguely Thousand Island-y but far lighter. It’s slightly sweet, and works as a great lube for that burger once it gets in your mouth. It makes the burger tumble around your mouth like meaty cherubs in an inflatable bouncy castle. This scene is interrupted 1/8th of the time by crisp shards of Niman Ranch bacon, the loving smoke-scented mother telling the children not to do somersaults in the bouncy castle of your mouth. The final component is cherry pepper relish, which puts the aforementioned scene on a slightly spicy acid trip, simultaneously washing it from your gustatory memory and commanding you to take another bite, in a sort of Groundhog’s Day effect until there is no burger left.”

Let us take a moment to remember the somber days when the SmokeShack was but a special on the menu we’d have to wait for obsessively patiently, and appreciate our now-daily SmokeShack offerings.