Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Stressed

My blogging has definitely taken a hit as a result of The Novel. In fact, pretty much everything in my life has taken a hit because of The Novel. To make matters worse, a "colleague" recently invited me to contribute a book chapter to an edited volume he is publishing. This is an academic publication, totally unrelated to The Novel or my full-time job. It is a great opportunity for me to sort of keep my foot in the door, but I honestly have no idea when I am supposed to get it done. Oh, and also I am supposed to somehow collaborate with another researcher, who lives in a different country, who I have never met, and whose data are largely un-similar to mine.

Does this person look stressed?

I am so desperate for a good night's sleep that I walk around half-sobbing sometimes.

I recently used up all of my remaining "comp time" at work to lock myself in my office and have a (an?) hysterical phone conversation with my BFF of the last 22 (!) years. Words cannot even describe how thankful I am for her.

At this point, I am not sure if The Novel is making my life better or worse. It does provide a nice distraction from the almost daily messages sent by the universe to remind me that moving to Saint Louis was the worst idea I ever had. But the thought has recently occurred to me that maybe... just maybe... if I was not working on The Novel and instead forced myself to go out and explore this god-forsaken city, I would hate it less. I don't know, though. Every time I consider going somewhere, then I look at the news and see that there have been 60 jillion auto fatalities that day, and I decide I'm just going to stay at home instead. And write.

I'm in the midst of Chapter 13, going on 78,000 words. Getting sort of close to the end. And then what?

This is probably stress induced craziness, but here, I'm going to for the first time ever provide an excerpt of The Novel for you to read:

THE HARD ROAD!!!!!!!! HOW INTERESTING!!!Like in, ' paved, as in NOT GRAVEL????? :) now, I am anxiously awaiting, MORE 'glimpses' into this EXCITING NOVEL!!!!!! Just hang in there , this is another CHAPTER in your life, and you'll make it /somehow!!! You're a survivor!!! this is just another ROAD you're on right now, in the adventures of the RAGFIELDS!!!!! actually compared to Nicaragua.. STL, is a jungle of sorts!! just bigger! with MORE scary things maybe!!! it can be part of YOUR NEXT NOVEL!!!! Like your next adventure may be LIVING off the land . growing your own food, etc!!! with THE QUIETNESS of nature all around !!! May you and your BFF, always stay connected!!! there IS NOTHING SWEETER!!!! I know you'll 'dig down' and find the strength ?to complete the tasks asked of you!!! as your mama , I do worry about your stress!!so whatever it takes to DE STRESS' do it!!! I know some SLOBBERY sweet kisses from that tiny angel you have can work miracles!!! take care, and hang in there!!!luv you, hugs to all,!!!mama

just wondering when was the last time you left st. louis? just wondering if a few days away might be a good thing? just wondering if maybe coming home for a little while would be a good thing? there's always extra space here ... and we're not far from the hard road. love you, auntie

I love you and our epic conversations! I'm happy to talk any time. I do think you should get some sleep though... it does a body good! And I'm very much looking forward to my first-editor read of The Novel. :)