I found myself blushing. I felt the need to apologize and once again I was ashamed. You see, I was having a visit with a nurse for a new doctor I was seeing, and I had to hand her my list that shows all of my illnesses, surgeries, medications, and allergic reactions. Yes I said list. Otherwise I can't remember it all. I carry the list everywhere with me, and it's shorthanded so that it all fits on one page... barely.

I always feel sorry for the nurses that have to input those things into the computer. I feel bad for the doctors that have to try and decipher my enigma. I feel guilty when I walk in carrying my list in my hand, my questions in my mind, my pains in my body, and sometimes my feelings on my sleeve.

I want things to be simple. I want answers to be quick. I want time to be fleeting and help to come soon.

I found myself looking into the twinkling brown eyes of the sweet nurse and saying, “I'm so sorry! I want nothing more than to be an easy patient.”

Do you ever feel that way? Well here is what God said to me on that night....

“Do you want to be the easy patient, or are you comfortable needing a Savior?”

Yep, leave it to God to bring me back to a spiritual perspective.

I've always been a Christian. I have never had a time that I remember being without God (even though some days were dark and I questioned this). But until I became ill, did I really recognize my NEED of my Savior?

Of course I knew that I was a sinner and needed saving. But did I know, down to my cells, that I was completely and utterly dependent on Him for my very breath? Did I seek His counsel and aid before each and every precious step?

I was thankful for salvation and for a relationship with my Lord. But was I really in relationship? The kind of relationship that is co-dependent and proud of it... the kind of relationship that feels like you just can't make it one more moment without some type of contact with your beloved?

In thinking on things from this perspective, I realized that what I want is not to be an easy patient. Not if it means that I will lose this craving, this utter helplessness and dependence, this glorious gratitude.

So how about you?

Do you want to be the easy patient, or are you comfortable needing a Savior?

Beautiful Savior, why You chose to draw me to you is a mystery to me, but I am forever grateful. Thank you for always keeping my mind focused on You, even when it strays to daydream about being the easy patient. In Jesus' Name, Amen...

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7 Comments on “Should I Chase After Ease, Or Choose to Go Deeper?”

oh, Shelly, I hear you 🙂
Without our sufferings, we would never press in hard with determination not to leave His presence without a blessing.

The people with the most to offer are the ones who have had to press in the hardest.

I have lost a number pf precious friends to cancer, and 2 of them positively glowed with the glory of God on them, and it was they who ministered to those of us who visited,

I am utterly sure I would see that Glory on YOU Shelly, if I was able to pop in a visit a while with you.

You, too, are one who ministers out of the fullness of God because you have pressed in so close to Him.

Treasures in the darkness are being given to you Shelly, and I know you will share them with all of your readers.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Shelly- you may be one who is blessed in each of these areas of your life. I hope so !

Shelly, I too have chronic illness (CFS, Fibro & Chemical Sensitivity). I have chosen to use alternative health care providers for my treatment, and generally do well. I don't realize how much of an 'un-easy' patient I am until that rare occasion when I venture into a medical office. They question all of supplements I take, etc. Anyway, I know the feeling of embarrassment that comes with it. It is a painful process to accept our bodies as they are, continue to rely on Him, and be joyful regardless of the outcome. He is using it all for His Glory. May He mightily use you for His Kingdom. Ardis

Ardis, thank you for sharing your story with me! I have added you to my prayer list. I do rely on supplements and oils for a lot of my treatment, and am glad that they are out there for that purpose. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3

I saw your feature on Christian Mommy Blogger and I love this post. Like you, it wasn't until something difficult came along, that I really saw my need to dig deeper and have a real need for a relationship with God. Yes, I've always had a relationship with Him and have been a Christian since I was 5 years old, but it wasn't until the tough things came into my life that my faith in Him grew stronger. Thank you for sharing this!

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