Our Loss…It’s Over…

Our Loss…It’s Over…

As you’ve read in my previous post about the loss of our pregnancy, things have been pretty sad in our household this past week. I figured since I started you on this journey with us in that post, I should continue and let you know how we are doing from time to time, and what choices we made and why.

After hearing the awful news that our pregnancy was not viable, we were left with a few choices as to how it would end. I personally wish that it would just magically disappear, but that is not the case. You are left after the sorrow to deal with the physical act of losing the pregnancy. So we were given 3 choices. The first was to allow the miscarriage to end naturally. There was no real time frame for this option because the sack could live inside for weeks before deciding it was time to leave. The second was to take medication to induce a miscarriage and the third was to have a D&C or Dilation and curettage which is a surgical procedure to remove the contents of the uterus. I have heard of a D&C, but I had to be honest with the doctor and tell him that procedures freak me out. I even had to get laughing gas before the anesthesiologist gave me my IV before I got my wisdom teeth out. I was that scared. But luckily the doctor agreed with me. He said that at this early point he doesn’t recommend the D&C. So we were left with the choice of natural or induced. Since we had a wedding that weekend I was very nervous to start the process that week. I wanted to be able to enjoy my time. So we decided to roll the dice and hope it happened naturally that week, and if not we would return to the doctor the following Tuesday, the 14th and take the medication to induce.

I gotta tell you, every step of the way has been about waiting. Each doctors visit left us waiting another week for answers. I guess we still would’ve been nervous the entire way even if it were a viable pregnancy, but the uncertainty was hard to bear. I felt like there was a ticking time bomb inside of me ready to go off at any moment. Research mentioned some pain, and I was trying to prepare myself. But as each day ticked by…nothing happened. I was able to enjoy my friends wedding…and that is what was important to me.

When Tuesday rolled around I started to doubt my decision to take the meds. All the research I had done pointed to a D&C. Maybe because I am an awful googler and can never find anything…but I kept reading that it was good because it allowed it to just be over and done with. But what I also read is that a D&C had the highest risks…a major one being scarring that could affect future pregnancies, and after speaking on the phone with my doctor we decided the meds were certainly our best course of action. So my wonderful husband accompanied me yet again to the doctor. (on a side note I have to mention that my husband has been the most amazing person through all this. Although he is in pain himself, he has been there for me every step of the way and I could not be any luckier. It is great to know this early in our marriage that when the going gets tough, my husband is there by my side..holding my hand)

So the medication procedure goes as follows. In the office I took one pill of misoprostol. I signed papers, we asked our questions and were sent home withthe following instructions. I was prescribed antibiotics to prevent infection which I was to take over 2 days. I was also given a prescription for pain medication. This freaked me out a bit, but I know I am no hero, and figured it was for the best. Lastly I was given 4 more pills of the medication. 24 hours after my visit I was to put the 4 pills in my mouth between my cheeks and gums and let them dissolve for 1/2 hour. After that I was told the process would last about 4-6 hours. What should I expect? Period like cramps, very heavy bleeding and most likely occasional diarrhea. (like you needed to know!) Wow…

So at this point I figured I would write and keep track as things occurred so I could remember. As it turns out the process of the pills in the gums seemed to be done so that that pills would dissolve quicker into my system, and that it did. On Wednesday July 15th 2009 at around 3:30 in the afternoon I began to miscarry.

As I write this part it is Thursday and I think I have weathered the storm. The process wasn’t so bad…I guess it could be worse. It was just bad cramps throughout the evening. I pretty much laid on the couch all night. I didn’t take the pain medication that was given to me until it was bed time. I figured that there was no reason not to take them and allow myself a good night sleep pain free. And that’s what it did. I will spare you all the details here, but if you are going through this, or are deciding to go with the meds and want to know what to expect feel free to contact me.

So today (Thursday) I feel extremely lucky to work from home. I have my computer with me while I am laying in bed with my feet up. I figure I deserve it. I am extremely tired and worn out and I think I will be this way for a while. My body has been through a lot and now I need to recover both physically and emotionally. I am so thankful that Saturday I will be leaving for a week long beach vacation with my family. I am certainly ready to check out for the week, and sit on the beach staring at the ocean. I am happy for the distraction.

I just wanted to thank you for writing this post (as well as your earlier one) and sharing your experiences. I’m so sorry for your loss. I suffered a miscarriage last month at 7 weeks and went through many of the same feelings and reactions as you. Your blog really helped me and it helped explain what I have been feeling to those that couldnt exactly understand. Thank you so much. I wish you and your husband all the best.

My doctor mentioned that pill, but he said I would get really sick from taking it. I don’t know how much worse it could have been from trying to do it naturally. That was the worst pain I have ever been through.

I wish I would have had the D & C in the first place, but I am stubborn.

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After the Alter is a blog about my "life after the alter" meaning after being married, and the changes that go with it. I am a mom to a beautiful boy and girl who are the stars of this blog, and a little Pomeranian named Tinkerbell. I LOVE being married to Captain Awesome, and here I share stories of my life as I learn how to be the best wife and mom I can be, and all my crazy thoughts along the way.