Sunday, January 24, 2010

What will happen if i love you?

Usually the noise from the wrecked engine of my vintage bike (vintage for obvious reasons) would cut off any sound that wants to reach my ears. But today was not to be. I was up at 6am driving through I dono where, as my hands & spinal cord has given rest to my brain which is occupied with something more dear. The resounding tune of lab dub was all I could hear in my head, as my heart was racing past the speed of my bike filling it with blood and thoughts. It was just one thought; a dream; a dream I shouldn’t have had. As I always do when I get tensed – adjust my glasses with my forefinger, (it reminds me, all that is needed is a little push to fit in perfectly) I brought my finger to my face only to realize my naked eyes.

But that wasn’t the case on the eventful day. I got tensed & adjusted my specs. It is my opinion that for the onlooker it will seem as if I am cool. I also remember someone telling me, unexpected actions do catch the eyes of girls. It sure seemed to be a great way to lock eyes with the girl you want – I thought then. And then it happened: like a fresh air that comes all of a sudden after what would feel like eternal stillness, she walked into the marriage hall blurring everything around her. Like an angel in red saree she came through the door way into the hall and before I could comprehend, straight into my heart! Whoever said, “The bride is the most beautiful woman in her marriage”, should check her out. I decided its time to put to practice my concept. I looked straight at her as she was walking past me and adjusted the frame while clearing my throat. Darn! There goes the walking smiling result of my so called brilliant idea! But as she went past me, my hand automatically went for the frame again; reason? She was walking towards my mother!!! Of all the places, Good God, was this the place to get scolding? While I was scanning my mother’s face trying to decipher her mood, she caught hold of me starring at her and immediately called me over there.

When a girl looks at you, as you walk towards her, you will get the feeling of walking the aisle. To top it, I was actually walking the aisle where my cousin would be walking in sometime. I call it the “Reflex action” found only in guys. As I was walking towards the most attractive girl, my belly dug its grave inside my body & my chest tight by itself to project myself as THE MAN. With a smile that could very well be declared blushing I looked at her. Ah! The radiance! I gave a sigh leaving my breath out – for she took my breath away. The result; my belly came out. Wish I could change my body to how I was 3 months back. White collar job does affect your figure where it matters the most!

My mother quickly dragged me out of my dream.

“Don’t you remember your sister? Why are starring at her like that?”

Pop! My mother burst my dream with her designer hair clip.

“She is your Uncle Anand’s daughter.”

Phewh! I was scared for a second there. Thank you Uncle, for being related to me in such a way that, I could marry your daughter. But isn’t she 1 year older than me? Look Jai, one thing at a time.

“You forgot me?” She queered, bringing me back to the real world where am still her cousin. I looked around to see that my mother has left us alone. Mother you won’t be disappointed. Look how your son is going to spread his charm over her.

“Are you all right?? You have been starring at me for a long time now.”

“No … no … just …. Just recollecting the good old days” I managed. God only knows what I did with her back then. I hope I never called her sis. Nah! I was ripe as a seed itself.

“Isn’t it a pleasure to have a gorgeous face? You will be happy that all the eyes will rest on your face alone.”

“I will take that as a compliment” she replied with a smile. Wow! Flirting with relatives is the safest thing in this world.

Realizing something she while leaning forward to reach me started “Hey …” and while touching my arm she begin to continue to say something and then it happened again. The “Reflex action” found only in guys. I flexed my muscle to bring the triceps out. As the “C” shaped muscles came out, I could see a grin forming in her face forgetting what she wanted to say. And yes!!! Am on a roll today baby! It’s good that I did some muscles toning when I was jobless after college.

“Hey … okay … see” she begin suppressing her smile, “look I got to go now okay.” She paused which I later realized was for me to say something. Since I was dumbstruck she continued, “I have given my number to your mother. When you find time …?” she ended with a look that conveyed her unfinished sentence through face. Without waiting for a reply she turned and started walking towards the door. The swaying back!! ; like twin tablas wanting to be played. I could hear the non-existent music as each hip gets compressed by the sudden rush of muscles on either side. Music to the eyes! I then suddenly realized “Hey wont you come for the DJ night this eve?”

“Sure, will be your partner” she said with a smile and left.

Ram came into the bus sweating. “What happened?” I asked dropping my phone into my pocket. He signaled to look at my phone as he sat next to me. It said he had made 4 calls and 5 msgs all saying stop the bus, with increasing order of abuses suffixing each sms.

“Sorry dude, I was speaking with my girl about the Mayajaal trip we had.”

“What the …!?? You have a girl? You went on a date? ; that too, as far as Mayajaal?”

We guys are truly unique: moments ago he was this angry young man and then second later see how he is ready to take a scoop of my story.

“Yah … my cousin; met her after 9 years. We liked each other instantly …” “So who made the move” Ram jumped in.

“It wasn’t a clear move … I signaled her if she will come for the DJ night after the marriage & she said she will be my partner.”

“Whew … and you would have swept her away with your moves.”

“No … it was mostly dandiya kind of music on the guy’s side’s insistence.”

“So you were clapping with her using the sticks?” he chuckled. “Now that I imagine its funny you and miss So n So hitting the sticks.”

“Okay okay … it’s not entirely that. We have nice steps too. It was fun”

“Ffuunnnn … ahem … you had real fun?” he asked winking.

“Err … we were close … enough to hug” I said with a dreamy smile. I noticed he was all eyes on me. “okay okay … now you need not ask where was my hand at that time … but while we were at it, I whispered in her ear about the Mayajaal plan.”

“Smooth move boss! So Mayajaal would have been fun”

“Well, it did start that way; we went by my bike.”

“Your bike? Oh no! bad!!”

“It’s not that bad okay! Anyway we did snow bowling n all and before we were about to leave she said she is engaged”

“Hold it right there! You just now said she is your girl!”

“Yah …”

“But … then … HOW!”

“Look, I don’t wanna ruin what is happening right now with all the philosophy, right thing and all that shit … I know its not the correct thing to do … I want to live and love this moment” I said.

“Okay …” he said. He then smiled at me, maybe to show he can understand. But then he smiled again which broke into a grin and then he screamed “pap paba pa ba … dud u du … Unnai paartha pinbu naan, naan aaga illaye …” (link) and then declared with enthusiasm, “Dude you have become Ajith Kumar!” Though I was kinda excited that I was being compared with THE AJITH, I know deep down he was making fun. Yet I felt happy that it’s a moment to enjoy and not think of the worse.

I was reclining on my bike thinking how wrong I was. In front of me was Mayajaal, where it all materialized. It was not New Year yet, but I had resolved that when I would leave for home, I will leave behind the memories of her. I can’t say it was a good or bad dream for I hadn’t thought of it then. That was the last thing I wanted to do.

Having made my decision, with satisfaction I started my bike. Was it the cool air or the calm road, I felt relaxed. I saw people rarely coming in the opposite side and as usual, my eyes found many girls coming in coupe- a drop down one. Rich girls in Prosche; I wished life should be that cool to be enjoyed. “Oh come on you are again going back!!!” – I told myself. To distract myself I started observing the surroundings. On my right few hot girls in half saree were walking as a group. I slowed down to see that the ladies in saree were pretty too. They were walking into a hall. Curious, I saw the board that was kept near the entrance. People say when you are scared you won’t know what to do. I immediately closed my eyes. “Why? Why? Why did I read those 2 words?? … Okay calm down”. I took a deep breath; “better move out of this place!” I dono how I made that mistake but without looking behind I went into the highway only to have a date with Mr. Accident!

A girl was shouting, “Where is the sandal power sachet? This won’t be enough!! Look at the crowd. What will we do without sandal paste in a baby shower?”

“Okay Anitha don’t make a big fuss. The sachet was left behind in the changing room. Enough to use for your baby shower too … gasp … but for that someone should come near you rite?”

“Hey Divya …”, Anitha said

“Yah … tell”

“Look at Jai de … See how sincerely he is working for his ex-gf’s function”

Divya joined in, “Come on Jai, don’t stare at Anitha like that … she is telling the truth only na”

“What is this? a tit-for-tat? Anyway that is history. Shall we move on? By the way, I think you people are next to do the deed as a cousin …”

“See Divya, Jai wants to cut us short. What Jai? Can’t handle facts?”

“I can handle facts, but not you girls!”

“Come on, cheer up dude. After all you are the man of the day!”

“You should tell that to Ajay!”

“But he is abroad right …”

“So?”

“So you should take the responsibility”

“What are you people up to? Do you realize what you are saying!!?”

“Chill man … we know everything”

“Hold you horses okay … There was nothing serious between us!”

“Okay okay … no tension …”

“Hmmm …”

“So tell me Jai, what are the two names decided for the baby?”

“Ravi if a boy; Revathi if a girl”

“What do you think Jai? Will the baby be J.Ravi or J.Revathi?”

“SHUT UP!!!”

She bends down, pretending to bathe herself to purity before garlanding herself. She looks at herself with the eyes that had just moments before the bath, was enchanted by the beauty of the glimmering full moon on the auspicious day. She could see the garland that ought to be worn by the blue god. With a smile that will come only when your heart is filled with God, she prepares herself to describe the valor of Him through every part of her body.

She takes her right hand with the fore & middle finger pointed out (which in modern day could be interpreted with pride by certain sect as “V” for Vishnu) and brings them to her wide open eyes to symbolize the red eyes of Him. As she brings them closer she could only imagine the pair of eyes protected by spectacles that had mesmerized her, while the voice sings the line, “Paaror pukazha-p-pathinthul-el or empavaay”.(translation)

She stretch her hands out in the aramandi posture in sync with the line “paazhiyan thol utaip parpanaapan kaaiyil”(translation), her face that should have portrayed a gritter look, breaks into a smile because she could only remember the fat muscles that he was trying to project as fit ones on their first meet. What day it turned out to be! ; Especially the evening. She could still hear the music of his breathing as he waited for aeons to speak to her ears. And the sound of his heart beat, the only thing that she cared to hear sitting behind him on their way back from Mayajaal. She could still feel the hotness she felt that time even when cool air was flowing all over her.

She would have continued on with her dream if not for those precise words, “veppam kotukkum vimalaa thuyilezhaay …” (translation) And she woke up from her day dream. She pause the audio to relax and return to normalcy. After a while on being sure that she is fine, she rewinds the hymn and starts it again. With bright eyes & pleading face she raises her hand, requesting the Lord to wake up. As the line “Ceppenna men mulaic cev vaaye ciru marungkal ...”(translation) comes, her hands cuts through air forming the structure of ‘8’ and instead of pleading the Goddess to wake up, she brings both hands to feel the shape she had drawn in air. She then brings her hand to indicate the rosy lips. Call it instinct or realization, her eyes open up to reality and immediately gasping she closes her mouth with her raised hand. Perplexed, she walks towards the mirror to look at herself. What has she done? Was she falling for him? But she shouldn’t. This is not right. She loves Ajay and they are about to marry. She has to make a decision right now.

“Yah ….” He could see his mother looking tensed. “Its okay... just a bad dream … nothing serious.”

“Jai …” his mother replied, “you have guests”

Jai raised his heard to see who it was. He closed his eyes again and complained to himself, first in the form of bad dream, now in person! Don’t accidents means you have learnt your lessons well?”

She greeted him with a pleasant smile and said, “Hi … how are you doing?”

“Apart from the pain due to the fractured wrist am fine I guess. Thank you.”

“Good” She said with a smile & sat on the chair next to the bed close to him. “Take ample rest okay. Don’t think of the past.” Saying this she joined her hand with his & looking at him she continued, “What happened is history. We all have to move on.” Not able to look at his eyes any longer she turned & spoke, “by the way did I introduce my fiancé Ajay to you?”