Why you gotta be a stuck up bitch, yo? I wrote you a letter asking if I could lay the pipe down on your thang and put your story down on the paper. You didn’t even write me back. Why’s it gotta be like that, for real?

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by Bobby Rufferto

“Arg.” “Arg.” “Arg.” “Arg, arg. I hereby call to order the 508th meeting of Viking Local 242. Scribe, if you would please read the minutes of meeting 507?” “Arg. All present; looting up 12%, plundering even, pillaging down 46%—” “Let’s…

It all started in eighth grade when Billy Noodleman wore those paisley bellbottoms. I mean, come on, what was this, “The Brady Bunch,” for God’s sakes? This was the Midwest, land of farmers and hog butchers. I couldn’t help myself….

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The Vampire Goes to the Delicatessan VAMPIRE: Greetings. I vould like a quart of cow’s blood. No, vait. Better make it a gallon. CLERK: You want Guernsey or Angus? VAMPIRE: Hmm … is the Angus fresh? CLERK: Came…

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Transcript from the August, 1951, Meeting in Which Hallmark Marketing Executives Invented Hallowee’en “Fellas, we need a new “event” holiday. We need something to ignite sales during that unfestive lull between the Jewlidays1 and the Big Turkey2. I’m looking at…