Writing, and humble photography.

Why We Have the Internet, Vol. V: Smells so famitazic on the puplic [sic] edition

PORTSMOUTH, Va. — Sometimes there is a little too much Christmas stocking to stuff, and that may be marked the moment in which a parent reaches for the Avon product.

Such as Mesmerize® brand roll-on anti-persperent deodorant, a scent so alluring it sells for 99 cents online. Among its selling points? A promise:

Non-stinging.

And, dear customer, always remember:

Ask a doctor before use if you have kidney disease.

It just so happens that I came into a little Mesmerize during a recent trip to the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. I can’t bring myself to let it go. The container is fun to look at — R2-D2’s head comes off to reveal a roll-on. And the name — as my poor family can attest — is really fun to say like Christopher Walken.

So I turned to the web to research this product, and I learned I am not alone in appreciating Mesmerize. The deodorant has garnered nine five-star reviews compared to a solitary one-star snivel.

Here’s Slaaneshgod of Great Falls, Mont., who will be back later in the post:

I had a friend of mine give me some of the cologne and I love it. I work with the puplic [sic] and women love this scent.

A sampling follows. All spellings have been maintained in their natural form.

Katstuff of Ellenton, Fla., confides that even Bible study groups in the Sunshine State are selective because they have needs:

We are in a small Bible study group on Tuesday’s and my husband isn’t allowed in unless he has his Mesmerize on. The ladies all love it.

You’re going to get past this, BC92 of California:

My ex boyfriend wore it, and every time I think about him I always remember how GOOD he smelled.

Jack of Northern Indiana reminds us that it’s not how you find Mesmerize, but that you find Mesmerize:

I stumbled across this scent completely by accident; someone had discarded some within some remaining items in my present flat. When I smelled it it seemed too good to be true […]

Big Mike of Meadville, Pa., adds:

FAMITAZIC SECENT [double sic]

Reedj of Atlanta’s review:

A great colone [sic], not to stiffling [sic] but just right.

Jacinto of New York, N.Y., thinks people actually want to feel this way:

I am not a person who purchase high price or famous brans [sic] cologne. But while wearing this, you will feel you are paying lots of money.

And this one is from Philly:

I SPENT $100’S ON WELL KNOWN EXPENSIVE COLOGNES, BUT NEVER RECEIVED SO MUCH COMPLEMENTS WHEN I WEAR MY MESMERIZE.THE NAME IT SELF SAYS EVERYTHING, YOU TRULY BECOME A MESMERIZED MAN WHEN PEOPLE PASS YOU BY AND SAY “YOU SMELLS REALLY GOOD ,WHAT IS IT ?”

Slaaneshgod of Great Falls, Mont., is back, and he may be bragging about his job:

I work in a strip club and i can tell you that the ladies love the scent.

Slaaneshgod is also apparently really into Warhammer. But which is it Slaaneshgod? Do you work in a strip club or with the puplic?

Playing us out is System of a Down. I was going to go with something off Mesmerize, but “Hypnotize” is a better song to celebrate the perfect scent for when you’re just sitting in your car and waiting for your girl: