Problems

Child abuse

Children and young people being
abused

If you are a child or young person who is being abused it is important
that you talk to someone you trust and get support and help for what
is happening. If you don't the abuse will continue, perhaps for many
years.

You may feel frightened, dirty, confused, angry and may feel you are
to blame in some way for what is happening.

Remember, the abuse is NEVER your fault, the adult
is to blame.

You may feel that nobody will believe you but you will find that there
are people who are willing to listen, to give you support and help
and who will believe you.

Talk to your parents - if for any reason you feel you cannot do this
then think about who you could talk to - perhaps a teacher at school,
a youth worker, a family member, a friend, a helpline.

If it is your parent who is abusing you I recognise how difficult
it is for you to speak out because part of you may hate your parent
yet part of you may still love your parent. It is possible to still
love your parent but hate what he/she is doing to you.

Your parent may be telling you that this is normal - no it isn't

Your parent may be saying this is what he/she is doing to show you
love - no it isn't love - it is abuse, it is wrong, it is damaging
and it is against the law.

Your parent may be threatening you not to tell - but if you don't
tell the abuse will continue - if you do tell and get help you can
be protected from further threats. Your parent may tell you that nobody
will believe you - yes people will believe you - if the first person
you tell doesn't believe you then find someone else to tell and keep
telling until someone does believe you.

You may not want to tell because you don't want to get your parent
into trouble - however, if your parent is abusing you he/she needs
help - not only might they be abusing you but they may also be abusing
other children/young people. It is only by telling that your parent
can be given the help they need and face up to the consequences of
their actions.

It takes a lot of courage and strength to speak out but there are
people who will help you with this and support you so you don't have
to go through this on your own.

And REMEMBER:

Nobody has a right to touch your body, particularly the private
parts of your body and if anyone (even if it is someone you know)
tries to touch you in a way which makes you feel uncomfortable, frightened,
confused, say NO in a loud voice and tell an adult who you can trust.
If the person you tell does not believe you find another adult you
can trust until someone does believe you.

It can feel really good to have hugs and kisses from people you
like but this is your choice. You don't have to hug or kiss anyone
you don't want to or allow them to hug or kiss you.

No adult should ever tell you to keep hugs, kisses, touches a secret
and if anyone does you must tell an adult you trust immediately.

If anyone is trying to hurt you shout no as loudly as you can and
keep shouting - run away if you can towards an adult and ask for
help, if nobody is around and there are shops near you run into the
shop and tell the shopkeeper what has happened.

Never talk to strangers or accept sweets or toys from strangers
- if any stranger does approach you tell an adult straight away.

If your mum/dad or person who normally collects you from school
isn't there and a stranger says they have been sent to collect you
never go with the stranger - go back into the class and tell the
teacher.

Never play in the dark or places where there are not many people
around.

Always tell your parents where you are going and what time you
will be back. If you are going to be late always let your parents
know.

Don't walk home from school/discos, youth club etc. on your own
- always go with a friend and better still - a group of friends.

If a car pulls up and the driver asks for directions never go up
to the car - ignore the driver and walk on - if the driver follows
you immediately go up to an adult or into a shop.

Make sure you know your name, address and phone number.

If you ever need help when you are out try and find a policeman/woman,
traffic warden, security guard or an adult with children if you can
or go straight into a shop and tell the shopkeeper you need help.

Never arrange to meet anyone over the internet. There are some
adults who pretend they are children or a young person to try and
trick you into meeting up. Never give your real name, or your address
or email address over the internet or your phone number.

Always stay with a friend or a group of friends if possible when
you are in busy places, amusement arcades, swimming pools, shopping
centres, funfairs, playgrounds etc. If you ever feel that someone
is following you around tell an adult/member of staff.

Muslim Youth Helpline:
0808 808 2008 (Area served
LONDON)help@myh.org.ukwww.myh.org.uk
Helpline providing culturally sensitive support to Muslim youth
under the age of 25. Outreach services, including family mediation,
face to face counselling and befriending

National Youth Advocacy Service:
0808 808 1001help@nyas.netwww.nyas.net
Provides information, advice, advocacy and legal representation
to young people up to the age of 25 through a network of advocates
through England and Wales

SupportLine:
01708 765200info@supportline.org.uk
A confidential telephone helpline providing emotional support and
befriending. SupportLine also keeps details of counsellors and
organisations around the UK

The Mix (formerly Get Connected)
0808 808 4994www.themix.org.uk
Essential support for under 25s. Phone, Email, Web support and Counselling.

Parents/carers of sexually abused children

If you are a parent who has discovered that your child has been abused
you will be experiencing many different emotions - shock, anger, hatred,
guilt, numbness, disbelief, confusion.

If your partner was the person who abused your child you will also
be trying to come to terms with the fact that someone you lived with
and loved and thought you knew and trusted has done something so damaging
and horrific that there was a side to this person that you knew nothing
about.

You may have feelings of guilt that you did not know your child was
being abused and were not there to protect him/her. However, people
who abuse children are cunning, devious, manipulative, and skilful
at hiding their tracks and covering up what they are doing - you cannot
blame yourself for being taken in by an abuser.

It will not help going over the past and blaming yourself - your child
will need you to help them to feel safe, loved, secure, and for you
to be strong for them to help them in their recovery and healing. It
is important at this time to also get some support for yourself and
someone who you can talk to about the feelings you have inside you.
Make sure that your child has someone to talk to and help them to work
through what has happened but keep doing things together you enjoy
and try not to allow the abuse to dominate your lives.

Agencies providing support for parents/carers of sexually abused
children

MOSAC - Supporting Non Abusing Parents/Carers
of Sexually Abused Children:
0800 980 1958www.mosac.org.uk
National
helpline for parents of children who have been sexually abused.
Counselling and art therapy by appointment. Groups for parents
of children who have been sexually abused. Greenwich based

0113 240 5226www.paceuk.info
PACE works alongside parents and carers of children who are - or are at risk of being - sexually exploited by perpetrators external to the family. Offs one to one telephone support, national and local meet-ups with other affected parents and information to how parents can work in partnership with Police and social care.

Parents Protect
0808 9000 100 www.parentsprotect.co.uk
A child protection campaign that delivers training to parents, carers and professionals and also operates an educative website designed to raise awareness to child sexual abuse, answer any questions you may have and give the information you need to protect children. The website also features an e-learning programme that provides information on how to keep your family safe and what to do if you are worried about child sexual abuse.

STEP UP:
020 8517 5888www.stepupcharity.org.uk
Support parents and
carers of sexually abused children. Run by parents of sexually
abused children. Telephone helpline, drop in centre and befriending
service. Drop in takes place in Ilford, Essex area

SupportLine Telephone Helpline:
01708 765200info@supportline.org.uk
Provides emotional support and keeps details of agencies, support
groups and counsellors throughout the UK

Useful websites

www.childnet-int.orgHelping to make the internet a great and safe place for children
- information and support for parents.

www.childalert.co.uk
All aspects of child safety and wellbeing - general information
and more detailed information for members