The FINAL final leg of the book tour!

I said I was out, but apparently I was just lying because I’ve agreed to do just one more book tour this year. Partially I’m doing it because I want to say “Thank you” to all the wonderful people who have somehow kept this strange little book on the NYT list for the last three months. Partially I’m doing it because I love meeting all the amazing people that are a part of my tribe. And partially I’m doing it because they’re finally sending me to Canada!

Also, I know that some bookstores require you to buy the book from them but usually they’ll let you in line with one from another store after the people who bought the book there have gone through. Also, I try to stay afterward in the parking lot for a ninja-quick signing (whenever I can) in case you can’t afford the book. Just call the bookstore if you have any questions.

When in Seattle, if you are in the mood for a quick 1.5 hour airplane jaunt, please feel free to drop in anywhere in Calgary, Alberta! (Whisper voice: “There’s even a shopping mall here that has a store filled with giant stuffed (i.e., taxidermy-style) animals, such as elk, deer, etc. I could distract the staff and you make out like gangbusters – Think Albus Dumbledeer”)

Oh yah, you betcha, I feel so lucky! 17 days and counting until you meet the best friend you didn’t know you had. In my head we’re tight. In fact, I’m daydreaming right now about how much fun we’ll have at our slummber party because of course, you’re going to stay with me while you’re in Minneapolis. I’ll even have my brother bring over some mounted deer and fish to make you feel extra comfortable. Can’t wait!

ACK! You’re coming to my hometown the weekend I have to be away visiting my mother-in-law! Pretty sure I will be feeling a flu coming along the morning of the fifteenth, which will miraculously be gone by the morning of the 17th. After the rest of the family has left.

Did someone say you are coming to Toronto? I’m probably not going to go, unless you can promise me that nobody will be in line in front of me. You can’t? Fuck, okay, I’ll maybe camp out for a few days in front of whatever stadium this is in. What? You’re not filling the stadium formerly known as Skydome? Bah. Can you tell that I’m only commenting to get your discerning fans toi come and check out my pitiful blog? You can? You are so damn smart. Okay, love you, bye bye,
Birdman

Ummm… sorry Faithe but Minneapolis IS the Midwest, and as much as I feel your pain every other time she’s posted and it’s not been my city, I can’t help but feel ECSTATIC that she’s finally coming here!

Can I get a woot woot and a creepy flailing happy dance! See you soon!😀

DENVER! It says DENVER!! That’s us!!! @thebloggess is coming to Denver & CANADA!! From the Rocky Mountains: Let it be written. Let it be said: My Let’s Pretend This Never Happened book shall bear Jenny Lawson’s autograph.” See you, Jenny!

I was almost disappointed when I heard your were coming to Canada, but not out west until I realized that I just happen to be traveling to Toronto while you are there! Maybe I can squeeze in a side trip…

You are coming to Portland!!!! Or more specifically, Beaverton!! That is where I grew up and the Powell’s I grew up going to! I will BE there! I’m so excited! Best start to the day in a long time! On a side note, that is a lot of exclamation points, yikes, but I am excited! And one more for good measure. (c:

I haven’t made it to any of your book signings. Mainly because I’m a loser. I was PLANNING to go…but what I REALLY want to do is sit down and have a glass of wine with you. Anything else would be a letdown. I don’t want to SEE you…I want to TALK to you. Stalkerish, I know. I just bought the audiobook of Let’s Pretend. I already have the Nook book but I thought it might be super-hilarious to hear you read it. And I had $20 or so burning a hole in my pocket, apparently. So, we’ll see how that works out…

People love you. I hope you understand what an impact you make. There are about 50 bajillion people out here who think you are simply divine. And the bomb diggity. And there is something amazing in YOU that makes us think that maybe…just maybe…there is something amazing in us, too. Thank you, Jenny Lawson, for being awesome.

All you people who keep asking Jenny to come to your town:
She doesn’t have a lot of control over where she goes. If you want her at A Bookstore Near You,
get up a petition, get a bazillion signatures and MAIL IT TO HER PUBLISHER. Better yet, find a local bookstore who would be willing to host the petition and Jenny’s signing, and have them send in the signatures.
Defiant Marshmallow- I’ll work on Pittsburgh if you work on Lancaster (Jenny does Amish Country would totally be a great ad slogan.)

OMG TORONTO! I read this while talking to my bff on the phone. I nearly started to cry. She thought I was joking. Tears of all that is awesome I say. Totally going to be there! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

As someone else already said, excited and disappointed all at once. Yay for coming to Canada, but Toronto only? Canada is HUGE and there are a few other places that might have loved to see you.I won’t go into details on what it takes to get to Toronto from the West Coast.

I am so mad I could spit! Literally! UGH! The day you are coming to my city is the day I am leaving on a family vacation! WHY?????

I have an autograph from you on the inside cover of my book, but it’s a sticker you mailed to me! How I’d love to have you sign it for real too! This is by far the most enjoyable book I’ve ever read. I will pick it up and just turn to a page and start reading so I can get some good giggles on a stressful day.

You have been such a support for me while I was going through being laid off my last job and finding a new one. Having a place I can go and check out of the real world and laugh so hard people look at me funny in public places is priceless!

Enjoy your one day in Portland OR! It’s a great place and the people here will treat you well!

YES!!! I just got teary when I saw you were coming to Minneapolis! That bookstore is only a couple of miles from me. I am SO EXCITED!!!! You have made my weepy morning into a joyfully giggly morning. Thank you!!!

Toronto is your only Canadian stop?! Boo! You are SO getting cheated; Canada has so many great cities…..Montreal being the best, of course (ahem). If you were coming to Montreal, I would call in sick to work (cough, cough) and would be the first in line. I’d even buy your book again if I had to and give my current to copy to someone else to love.

The Hell? Have you even been close to Springfield, Missouri?! We have great cupcakes, we have a million thrift stores and we even have the Laura Ingalls Wilder Homestead like forty miles north (I’ve been, it’s magical)! My husband will not ok a trip to see you, apparently I blew that chance when I got all “stabby” about not letting me go to the Dog the Bounty Hunter book signing. Le sigh…

Yay San Diego!!! I’ll see you on the 14th.
Though I’ve already purchased a digital copy of your book and have read it twice over🙂 , I shall glady buy a real copy and have the chance to say hi in person!

I just noticed it starts at 7pm. Is it possible, or totally unacceptable, to show up late? How long does it usually last? I really, really want to see you, but am unlikely to get there until somewhere btwn 7:30 and 8pm. So…how insulting is it to show up that late?

I saw this Epic Battle of Badass last night and thought of you. My wife and I will be in Portland for your signing. While you are in Portland go to the Montage to have the best Mac and Cheese ever and be witness to the eternal Epic Battle of Badass.

Come to the UK Jenny – your book is loved here. And I am making (and possibly frightening) friends just talking about advert-ponies and Hunter S Thomcat.
PLEASE.
Although if you do, DO NOT be fooled into just going to London and Edinburgh. Seriously, Manchester is where ‘it is is at’ because it rains more often so we have MORE TIME TO READ.
Thank you. xxx

If I read this right, you’re signing books at Costco in Seattle! Funny…I clicked on that second link and thought for sure you’d be at that literary crossroads Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park just outside Seattle. But no matter. We’ll find you somewhere between the six-packs of hot-water heaters and the 3-ton packages of orzo!🙂

Thank the gods! You’re finally coming to Colorado!!! Be prepared however, you may never want to leave. The beauty is breathtaking and there are more animals to taxidermy here than in any other state (except maybe Alaska, but DAMN, who wants to go there?)! You really will love it and I will be at the signing to make you feel welcome! Despite that, I hope you feel welcome anyway…

Jenny! I was like Kayte (waaaay above) and thought CANADA F-yea! And then as usual…. saw Toronto as the only Canadian city…. and then a glimmer of hope… SEATTLE is on the list! It’s about a 2.5 hour drive from Vancouver… give or take the border wait.
Wish I could entice you to Van City for some wine slushee’s, and then flea markets on Saturday! That said, I’m pretty sure that if Seattle is my only chance to meet you, it’s gotta happen.
ps- thanks for being oh-so-inspiring.

You’re coming to Portland! I make this offer to you. We have Voodoo Donuts here (http://voodoodoughnut.com/index.php). I will pick up a dozen donuts of your choice if you drop me an email and let me know what you want. I’ll even wrap the box in twine.🙂

Dear Jenny,
Please write another book. Then have another crazy book signing tour and come to Sonoma County in California. We have crazy amounts of wine here! You know what that means!
-Regards,
Jennifer

That’s the ONE DAY I work twelve hours, 9am-9pm about 30 miles north of Toronto. Unless I can bribe someone to take my place or hire a flying broomstick, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. Unless you’re still hovering in the parking lot after 10pm, of course.

OH – MY – GOD!!! It was my email that did it right? With the list of reasons why to come to Canada? AND THAT IS THE CITY I LIVE BY AND I AM ON VACATION BUT IT’S ACTUALLY A STAYCATION SO I COULD COME BUT READING YOU WILL ACTUALLY BE IN TORONTO AT A TIME I COULD VISIT IS GIVING ME MORE OF A PANIC ATTACK (IN A HAPPY WAY, BUT STILL A PANIC ATTACK IS A PANIC ATTACK) THAN IF NEIL PATRICK HARRIS WOULD BE SOMEWHERE I COULD MEET HIM AND I AM SURE I WILL EITHER FAINT OR MORE LIKELY SMILE, SHAKE WITH NERVES, SAY SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE (OR WORSE BORING) AND THEN SLINK OUT HUMILIATED!!! Decisions, decisions …

Really, Minneapolis? Really!!! This is fantastic news. So very close to me, yeah!
However, argh…and this is the only time I will ever say this….but I wish it wasn’t girl’s weekend that particular time! I will be far, far away from home hanging with some of my dearest friends, completely unable to get my book signed!
Have a great time here in Minnesota!

Um? Thanks for coming to Seattle and all, but I’ll be a week post-op from my knee replacement so I won’t be able to see you … wahhhhhhh! On the other hand it’s great news for all those other commenters who kept begging you to come to Seattle, so it’s all good. I hope the sun shines on your visit here!

ERMEGHERD MINNEAPOLIS!!!!! I just screamed really loud…in my office…at work and then almost passed out. FYI-bad idea to scream in the office when you work in security. Apparently, screams of joy and screams of being axe-murdered sound very similar. Oops.

Thank you Jenny!!! I’ll be there if not both for SEATTLE!! You should be at the store on 85th street that has a whole parking lot of Beyonce metal chickens. If you signed there, that would be HILARIOUS!

You’re coming to Toronto!! It’s as though you personally answered my plea’s!! I can’t wait!! I’ll be there with bells on. And whistles. Possibly jumping up and down. But probably not cos that would be annoying.

YYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! And 2 in Seattle?! Just when I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I already do . . . Would it be weird if I went to both? No, wait, don’t answer that. If you say that it is weird & I show up to both anyway, that’s even weirder than just coming to both without knowing whether you think it’s weird or not. Got it? Great! See ya soon!!

Our living room is still available for a book signing! 😉 I’ll make Rotel Dip, Margarita’s and I can borrow some taxidermy from my father. Well, maybe not. He is super protective of his deer and jakalope.

Dress code will be uncoordinated PJ’s only. Tops and bottoms REQUIRED. And if you wear the bottom on the top and top on the bottom – and be DECENTLY covered – I might break out in SONG.

Have a safe trip and stay calm. We all love you but know you get over whelmed by it all. Role models and heros come in all forms and with all kinds of thier own problems – but that is why we love them so. They make us feel normal.

AHHHHHHAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! SOOOOOO very happy!!! and I totally have not bought the book yet becuase I was waiting on the library copy BUT now that you are actually coming to Portland I am going to not only buy it but stand in line! (and lines I do not do). yay!!!! and Thank you!! whew, enough exclamation points already.

My day just took a fabulous turn. Am very excited that you are coming to the Portland area and even more excited that it’s actually a day I’m not working 12 hrs and would not be able to attend! I will be there, once again tempting the same fates that took the edge off the awesomeness of attending Wil Wheaton’s Wootstock last year. It’s a long story lol. Maybe I’ll have to put it in a book.

You signed my chicken, Ben Affleck, in LA…but I didn’t want to be all greedy and shit, so I didn’t have you sign my book too…and now YOU’RE COMING TO SAN DIEGO. This is very exciting. My book and I will be there! I’ll probably leave Ben at home this time. He’s not a fan of crowds.

So CLOSE! Yet… SO FAR!!!
Mmmkay, your last stop of the tour is Seattle on a Friday. What’s adding Saturday in Vancouver? They’ve got the BEST bra shopping there. I’m taking my girls there on Saturday, Aug 18 (from Victoria) for some summer boulder-holder adventures. Commmmmmmonnnnnnnnnnnn!

If you need a place to stay while in Denver, I am totally available to kidnap you and you can stay at my place. It’s not fancy and you’ll have to deal with brain-eating cats and an evil husband, but it’s quiet and in the mountains-ish. Ditto if you are all, “Oh, I wish there were someone to show me around town and take me out for meals and crap like that.” I volunteer. My driving is only moderately scary and I don’t really get lost too often.
See how great it is to have a cult following?

Omgomgomgomgomgomg you are coming to Portland and to the powells nearest my house!!! You will actually be in Beaverton, which I thought you might enjoy knowing. I am going to get brave and come. I have your book on my nook though…can I just take a photo and not have you sign something….is that allowed?
Jww

Yay!!! Canada!!! I love Canada!! Especially Toronto, although I do agree you should go to Montreal. I visited & stayed with my Aunt. I wish I had stayed forever…. When are you going to visit England??? Mainly, Norwich?? It’s like England’s equivalent to Texas! You would totally love it!!! Please visit???? How many more question marks & exclamation marks do you need to realise I am serious????!!!!!!!!!!!

Toronto! Thank goodness! You made all of the crap in my day (and today there was alot of it!) disappear! I am booking my train ticket and the day off. Thanks. Would you like me to bring you a maple donut from Tim’s? My daughter who travels throughout the world says she’s knows she is home in Canada when she has a maple donut. It’s the only place that, according to her, has the real thing. So I will bring you one as a small thank you for all you do!

YES!!! You’ll finally be in Seattle! My parents will be in from TN that weekend, but I’m *SO* dragging them out with me. I mean, they don’t have a Costco in TN, and Costco is like Disney World to them, so I’m calling it a WIN WIN.

I’m totally giggling at all the people who say Toronto is Canada! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sweet, sweet, adorable people, I love you all. You know, you could talk to your book-tour-people (you have people, right?) can tell them that Vancouver is only 3 hours away from Seattle and it’s part of Canada too…..that’s be cool!

OH. EM. GEE!!!! You’re coming to Portland!!! I am so excited to see you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have many friends here in the City of Wierd that are ardent followers.. We’ll be there to support you!🙂 Theresa

The average temperature in Phoenix in mid-August is 109. At least you’ll be at the bookstore in the evening. But don’t go sight-seeing during the day without parking in the shade or putting a towel over the steering wheel. Or insist the rental company give you a windshield shade.

You’ll thank me when you don’t scald the skin off your hands trying to drive.

My daughter and I will be at the Tempe, AZ signing, but I was bummed to find out that you can’t buy a ticket separate from buying another copy of the book. They said, “Well, they make great gifts” when I called. And although that is true, I don’t really KNOW anyone personally that is on this wave length to gift one to. So we will be there, but I guess there’s no guarantee we will get in or get my book signed.

Well…shit. I was just at Powell’s not one weeks ago!! I’m sad now. So sad. 😦

Btw, I TOTALLY recommend staying at The Nines in downtown Portland. It’s so pretty it’s what I’d imagine staying inside a lifesize version of Tiffiany’s box would be like. I really think you and Wolf Blitzer could do some UH-MAIZ-ING things with the naked manikins and chaise lounges that adorn the lobby. Oh, and there is a for realz ANTLER CHANDELIER in The Library…and a pool table. Wolf Blitzer needs to play pool.

So this means I either have to drive to Toronto or Minneapolis if I want to stalk you. Man, stalking is hard work. There is a spot between Toronto and Minneapolis, it is called MICHIGAN. Try it sometime. 😀 Good luck on the final leg of your tour.

YAY!!!! You’re coming to Seattle! I’m so excited! I’m buying a second copy of the book because the first copy is an e-copy and I’m going to be replacing my e-book cover sooner rather than later, so it would be dopey to have you sign that. 😉

You should come to Scotland sometime! We have kilts. And taxidermied PEOPLE. (Ok, so there is a book bound with leather made from an executed body-snatcher’s skin in an Edinburgh museum. At least we definitely have marketable gruesome history, as demonstrated by the 50,000 “Edinburgh MURDERS AND GHOSTS” tours.)

Holy crapsticks!!!!!! You are coming to PORTLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are soooooo there! And Jenny, if you need a place to stay, I have a lovely bathroom complete with ativan and booze slushie dispenser that is just calling you!!!!!

Also, I was just reading this article in Seattle Met magazine about what NOT to bring back from Canada, which is doubly a propos to you and your trip as it gives this advice: ” . . . if you’re bringing in a “nonhuman primate trophy,” well, check with the CDC. Human primate trophies, check with the FBI.”

TWO SIGNINGS in Seattle huh? Two signings….BECAUSE SEATTLE WILL FUCKING LOVE YOU….cause you are all quirky and we love quirky. I am a really big Fan of Elliott Bay Bookstore and I think you will love it the people are really awesome…Costco….well it’s a Costco…and I have never been there, but if you get hungry you can graze the aisles. I am really excited about you coming here. And I am not going to hold you to your promise where you said you would sign my Boob if you ever published your book and we met, because frankly I am really shy in person….but I sure would love it if you would signed my book and I could get a picture together for my Facebook….and in your face it to people. I mean show people we actually met. Now I just got to break it to my friend I can’t go to the first Storm game after the Olympics because I have want to meet you in instead and I love the Storm. Wow, I am babbling like I am 12 and meeting the Queen…Elton John.

Dude! Don’t tease me like that! You’re only going to
1 city in Canada!! How about adding in Calgary? Cultural capital of Canada! (for this year)
Home of the Calgary Stampede- the Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth! Cowboys! Rednecks! It’s just like Texas!

I suspect one of reasons you’ve been so popular (in addition to being a brilliant and hilarious writer) is that you have so much humility and come across as genuinely grateful for your success. How many people let their fans know ahead of time that they will ninja-quick-sign their books outside of the bookstore? I mean, COME ON!🙂

OMGOSH seattle Yippee and the aurora village costco! i used to work at a caramel corn store that used to occupy that location 23 years ago:) which is freakin awesome cause i totally know where that is and even though i live in olympia now (which is really the capitol and is way cooler than seattle) i can drive there and be there without FREAKIN out. i can’t wait. i have a guest room and real live chickens if your deluxe hotel accommodations fall through. olympia is only an hour away… well not on fridays on fridays it is 2 hours away. fridays are weird like that. you’ll see.
thanks for being you

Long time reader. I’m pretty sure the world (as horrible as it can be sometimes) DESERVES to see your entire taxidermicologically magnificent collection together, in concert, this Sunday, or whenever, and the music is optional, but Please can we see the whole family? Mummy, Daddy and all?

Noooo! I was all prepared to come see you in Toronto, with my Kobo in hand so I could show them that I’d already bought your book _on my Kobo_ (since you’re signing at Indigo, that might count for something) and say “look at this, motherfuckers!” But I will be deep in the Algonquin wildlands on August 7th.

How does one sign a Kobo anyway? Really, I don’t care about the signature *even if it will be worth millions one day*. I just wanted to tell you you’re awesome face-to-face. I’m going to get someone to show up with my face on a stick (a *picture* of my face, of course: the alternative would be unthinkable… what is wrong with you?🙂 ) with the mouth cut out, and the person will speak through the mouth and say, “you’re awesome, Jenny” right up until security escorts them out. And you will never forget Toronto. You can thank me later.

I’m sending my friend in Wisconsin this link….I have to live vicariously through her because I’m fairly certain that you won’t get sent to Egypt for any book tours and that no one carries your book here, anyway. SO much lost in translation from English to Arabic. *sigh* I live in a cultural vacuum. Do you mind if I stalk you if things go my way and we end up buying a place in Fort Worth?

Dreams really do come true!!! You’re coming to Minneapolis! I’m moving into the city of Minneapolis on the day you’re coming and I’ll be there…probably a little sweaty, but I’ll be there!!!!!
Hooray!!!!

I live in Phoenix, and I don’t give a damn how you spell it, as long as you come here (actually Tempe, but close enough.) However, you should shoot your agent for booking you here in August. We have the greatest weather from October to March (just ask the 800,000 midwestern retirees that come here) and acceptable weather in April, May and September. But June, July and August are hotter than the hinges of hell! Fortunately we have air conditioning.

You just made me, a preggo and very nauseous lady, soooo happy and also not quite so nauseous. Nevermind the fact that I had to make some promises (which we won’t speak of) to my boyfriend to get the ok to go to Minneapolis! But now- more importantly- what to wear? What to say? EEeeeeee! I can barely stand it.

This is going to sound like a suck up post, I can’t help it. I want to say thank you for being you and for your book. Today I was able to write about my anxiety. Last month I downloaded your book onto my Kindle, and when my anxiety attacks hit during the day I read it after I take my medication. Your book has helped to take my mind off of what is triggering my attacks. You’re witty, funny, awesome and real. I wish I could have made it to one of your signings but well…I’m in Japan lol!

Tremendously pleased to get to see you in Toronto – me and the gf will be there.

And, I will ask (with some trepidation)… would you like a tour guide in Toronto? I love my city, know every nook and cranny and some very bizarre spots (and where to get Chinese food at 2am) and would happily take you (again, with my gf and whomever else you’d like to bring along) to a bar, an odd place, a taxidermist, or a dandy restaurant. Dunno how much time you have here, but if you’re up here anyway and want to take a chance I promise I’ll find you something fun.

Wish you & Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (yarnharlot.ca) could meet in Toronto. You probably have nothing in common except a Texas/stalker not really/knitter/- me, but I think you’d enjoy each other’s company and maybe an artisan beer.

I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE there might be a fifth leg, and that your planning people won’t make you snub Tucson. The B&N in Tucson is the bee’s knees, and one of their employees is as big a fan of you as I am — he’s the reason I even know about ya.

Yeah, Phoenix (Ph-O-E-nix =P) is close enough to Tucson, but with work and all…. I can’t five-hour road-trip to Phx and back after one shift and before the next. I wish I had a cool job like you, Jenny, and could make my own hours.

And I would also❤ having your Herbie Hancock in my copy of "Let's Pretend…"

You are killing me! I live in Portland, and was so sad you weren’t going to be here. Then today I see this post and YAY the 15th! Except I’m flying with the kids to see my Mother-in-law on August 12th, so I’ll miss you. Where am I flying? Phoenix, where you will be on the 11th! So unless we happen to see you in either airport, we will miss you. My 14 year old daughter is reading your book as she recovers from having her wisdom teeth removed. Portland will love you.

Ahhhhhh!!! You’re coming to San Diego!!! Yippppeeeeee–I will be there with bells on to see you. And if you get bored while you’re here I will totally take you out to eat locally sourced organic food and then get drunk and sing karaoke–cause that’s how we roll in SD.

San Diego!! I cried, CRIED (well, not really, but I was really sad in my head) when I missed you in Los Angeles. SO excited that you’ll be coming to San Diego and giving all us lame asses who didn’t drive up a second chance.

Do you need a place to stay? We have a whole daylight basement with its own bathroom and kitchen and your choice of 2 rooms to sleep in! And I have Thursday and Friday off from work so I can take you around to all the cool sites. Or you can lock yourself downstairs if that’s more comfortable for you.

TWO nights in Seattle? I’m sure you mean one night in Seattle, one night in Vancouver which is just up the road a smidge and has an aquarium where you can feed sea otters by hand and there’s a store with 500 flavours of ice cream and is in Canada, as mentioned in your headline. I’M SURE that’s what you meant. Don’t say, “I’m coming to Canada!” and then only go to Toronto. That’s what a Torontonian would say.

I’m soooooooooo excited, I can’t stand it!! I hope Seattle doesn’t sell out, but I would go to Portland if I need to!! I think it will be wildly popular here (Seattle) since I know I have single-handily created at least 10 new fans, did I say 10? I meant 10,000! We now define any people as, those who love Jenny (our friends) and others, that no one cares about. I can’t wait to meet/see you in person! Plus, Seattle is beautiful inAugust, usually… Bring your rain boots or bread bags just in case!

Ugh! Sad for me, I get to TO 2 days late and miss this!! Am telling everyone though (even though I think everyone already knows!!)… London next? Or Amsterdam? Pretty much anywhere in the EU and I’d make the effort!

Just wait, you’ll see I was right, Portland is the only city that can welcome you in proper style. Just wait. I will be driving 5 hours to crash at my friends house and then we will crash Powells with our metal chickens and our Valley Girl-esque squeals. No shame.

Ok first of all I am amazed at apparently how many cool people there are in Toronto that are devoted Bloggessees. I will have to put that on my list of places to visit and/or move when the zombie-pocalypse hits. But more importantly, yay Seattle!!!!! So happy you are coming here and can’t wait to see you.

TORONTO HERE WE COME!!!!!!! It’s only a 1.5 hour drive from where we are in Buffalo, New York!!! SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!!

JENNY— Seriously, Toronto is all cool and everything, but you should reeeeeeeally come see one of the Wonders of the World, NIAGARA FALLS. I am personally offering to be your tour guide. It’s LESS than 1.5 hours from Toronto and soooooo worth it!!!!! Do it!!!! Please? :pouty face:

I mean, seriously, Niagara Falls was just all over the TV because we had a TIGHT ROPE WALKER walk across the falls just a few weeks ago. (youtube it- Nik Wallenda). Wonder of the World + Tightrope Walker + personal tour guide (me!) = AWESOME!

Wow. I kinda miss the NON cult hero Jenny, ya know? This seems so unreal but so great for YOU!!! I think I better get back to the book that I pre-ordered. I’m only on page 8. Mea Culpa. I miss the unfamous you. Love, your old friend, Laurie F.

PLEASE oh PLEASE – come back to DALLAS!!! We missed you the first time. And since you only live a few hours away this shouldn’t be to hard. Or tell us where we can come see you in Houston.
But dont plan to be in Dallas the 6-14 of October – we wont be here. Selfish, I know – but I’ll be celebrating my 50th birthday in Northern CA.

Wish I could have made it to your Austin visit.
I doubt that you would have signed my tablet where your e-book lives so I would have to purchase the paper one.
Maybe I could have gotten you to scratch your sig.
Alas, no John-Beyonce. That sounded better in my head?
All the best to you and yours!

You have got to be shittin’ me! I find your blog after I move from San Antonio, then you decide to come to Minnesota and I’ll be in Chicago for a 3-day breast cancer walk! The stars are not aligning for me! Boo Hoo, have fun with out me!

I’m so excited you’re coming to Denver. My brother is who introduced me to your blog in the first place, and he’s also my ‘person’ who I can usually face social situations with, as long as he’s nearby and not in a pompous assholian I’m-18-and-God kind of mood that day. He’s leaving for his freshman year of college on the East Coast and I’ve been dreading losing my one keeps-me-from-hiding-in-the-bathroom companion… so I’m SO excited to see we’ll (maybe, if I’m having a good day) finally get to meet you!

So I was, like, first in line for your book at my local library and got it two days after it came in, and read it in about 1 and a half. I’ve never read a book so fast. My boyfriend was looking at me like a lunatic because I was sitting and giggling the whole time and finally shrugged his shoulders and said, “Eh. I’m glad to see you smiling and laughing…”😀 Thanks for that.

So, excited that you are coming to Seattle & I have 2 chances to meet you… My co-worker introduced me to your Blog & I have been hooked since then. You keep me going during the crazy days at work & we have several instances of inpromptu exerpt readings from your book…Cannot wait…So lookign forward to the August book signign dates🙂

I saw Denver and started screaming only to realize that that is the night of my book club meeting and I would just skip it but it is at MY HOUSE and I have to make dinner for it!!!!!!!!!!!!! I suggested your book to read, but none of these idiots know you so I can’t just get them to come with me to the signing. The only thing making this bearable is that I know you have many more things to pretend never happened so there will be another book tour in the future!! Welcome to the Mile High City!!

Here!!! You’re coming HERE!!!! I just did a happy dance in my little cubicle!!! There happens to be an On the Border next to the San Diego location you will be at (and me! I’m going too!). I believe I shall smuggle you over a pitcher of margaritas. Or sangria. Your pick. Or both. I’m so excited you’re going to be HERE!!!!❤❤❤❤❤

GAH WHY no Salt Lake? I’m seriously tempted to make the 8 hour drive to Denver JUST FOR YOU. Also, if it will change anything, there is a crazy shop here downtown that NOT ONLY sells giant metal roosters, but GIANT METAL DONKEYS to keep them company. Pictures to follow.

Denver, yay! I’m sure you remember a few months ago when I promised that if you added a Denver stop I would take you here: http://www.buckhorn.com. Offer still stands! (And, OK, even if you choose to have dinner/lunch with people you actually know, you should take them to the Buckhorn — you’d get such a kick out of this place!)

I just came back from Canada last night. They have wonderful healthcare there. I know because I asked 64 people their opinions about it while I was there. I went for a wedding, and, when I stood to make a toast, all those who knew me stopped breathing for a minute because they were afraid I was going to say, “How many of you here are Canadians, and how do you feel about your health care?”
If only I had thought about it in time.
P.S. I am a huge Obama supporter.
P.P.S. I have bought 3 of your books to give 2 away. I was afraid to loan them out.

Hey, I have your book on my Nook also–you can sign the Nook (this is for Cheri M who posted a couple of lines above mine). Bought your book for two reasons: 1. My niece, Maura Denman, is a HUGE fan and was spreading the word and 2. I was having a personal crisis over the weekend and my current way to treat personal crisises (?) is to buy a laugh out loud book. I needed one 2 months ago and Bossypants was my answer. Your book is my current “drug of choice”. I’ve another book on the horizon, if it’s needed!

You forgot to add “Nashville” and the corresponding date of your arrival. I’m sure it was just an oversight. No problem. We all make mistakes. I will wait patiently for the update and correction so that I can plan the rest of my month around meeting you. 😉

Thank mother flippin’ goodness you finally got a date in Portland. Woo hoo! My bff and I have already read your book and I’ll be there to get my autograph for sure. Maybe we can bring something both dead and dressed fancy for you. And you’ll be at the coolest bookstore on earth too! Yay!

Portland on the 15th? Dammit, I’ve already go stuff I have to do that day, down in Eugene, so I can’t make it. Well, just remember that when you are Powell’s books, there will be one less person because he has to take his son camping instead. Damn children and all of those “family commitments.”
🙂

Of course Toronto is Canada – Its really the only part of Canada you need to worry about. I’m here and I can’t wait to see you! (just kidding about the “only part of Toronto” bit but not the “I can’t wait to see you” bit) The rest of Canada thinks that Toronto thinks its all of Canada which is probably because most of the time we do! BUT we are also getting a visit from Jenny!!!! Yay us!

Okay seriously, you’re coming that close to Vancouver BC and you’re not going to go visit it? You would so totally kick butt there. Honestly. Trust me, I’d never steer you wrong from over here in my continued anonymous position on the interwebs. 😉

Oh yay! Yay! YAY! We’re planning a Red Dress MN reunion in the Barnes and Noble restroom at The Galleria! I’ll bring the cocktails- do you like Iron Butterflies or Lemon Drops? I have a big purse and if I only bring a couple of my stuffed rodents, I can probably fit in a few “water bottles”. Vodka is just awesome water, you know. We’ll be the ones in red dresses! See you there!

FYI it is hotter than the sun in Minnesota this summer. Seriously, the Minnesotans are melting and getting crazy. Luckily, you will be in Edina, land of the cake eaters. In good news, those women have plenty of Xanax if you forget yours, just dash into the hall and ask! I will be there. How do you sign a kindle?

I so wish I was visiting my family in Portland this August … and not just because Wisconsin is hellishly hot this summer! Your book rocks and I have even got my husband hooked. Maybe I can talk my little sis into going to Powell’s for me. Too bad the signing is not in the big one in downtown Portland. Best book store in the world in my opinion, so big they need a map.
Hope you get to enjoy the Pacific Northwest a little while you are there. If you get a chance McMenamins rocks, especially the Kennedy School or Edgefield. http://www.mcmenamins.com/

I stopped in at powells today and asked how early I could show up and what the protocol was…my bookseller was all gushy about you coming to our powells and super excited, she says they never turn anyone away and when David sedaris was there they stayed until about 2in the morning because he wouldn’t let them turn anyone away and he kept signing and talking to people…I hope they know what they are in for!

I was in Seattle last weekend and saw an outdoor store selling giant metal chickens!!!!!!!!! I thought of you but my brother drove so fast that I didn’t have time to take a picture. Now that you’re going there, I don’t have to. Look around for it–near Queen Anne–it’s AMAZING.

Talk about running the gamut of emotions!! First I was beyond excited that you are going to be in Oregon next month. Then I was devastated to realize it’s not only a weekday, but I can’t afford the gas to make the 5 hour drive to see you. Then my friends, being the bad-asses that they are, decided we’re going to drive 1 car, split the gas between 4 of us, pack a cooler of food to save $, & drive on up. That’s right….we’re making a 5 hour estrogen-filled trek to meet you, our hero, The Bloggess!!!! *tinkle*

I have been thrilled with moving to Boulder so far but now, you’re coming to Denver!! Seriously, the icing on the cake.

But all my best girlfriends are still in Oklahoma so I may have to harass you for many signatures, although I may leave out one since she has frequently noted that she would ditch us to hang out with you for a day. So, nothing for her. Humph.

I just found you. I am a heterosexual and yet- I am in love. I don’t know why it took me so long, but you kill.me.
I wrote a post in honor of you today. Since I’m so wildly unpopular, I don’t imagine it’ll make any difference in your viewer traffic, but you can know you made this girl pee in her pants.

Yay for a Canadian date! Although it is still nowhere near me. Remember, you also have a couch to stay on if you come to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. In addition, I agree to share my clonazepam and ativan.

Shut the front door!!!! I am already in line at manulife in TO!!! This news totally makes up for the millionth pregnancy test that just came back negative. You saved my shitty, I’m-not-a-Mommy-yet day! Sweet Jesus I’m excited to see you Jenny Lawson:) Welcome to Canada baby!!!

OMG OMG OMG! I am SO freakin’ excited!!!! I am such a happy girl! It has nothing to do with the book tour. Not really. Because I live no where near any of the cities on it, though I really, really wish you would come to Sacramento, but that’s beside the point, but I really am excited. I was school shopping for my teenage daughter at one of my favorite chain retailers and GUESS WHAT I FOUND!!!! My very own copy of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”!!!!!! Seriously! I snatched it up like a kid in a candy store who’s just found out his mom lied to him about being allergic to chocolate! I am reading it between calls at work and anywhere else that I can cram in some reading time! I am so excited!! Thank you, Bloggess!😀

I just wanted to let you know that I finally bought your book. I have been waiting months for it, until I could afford it (yes, I am broke and poor. ) I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait to read it! I have been stalking you online for forty forevers now, and I can finally get even closer to you with your book.

PS I am not actually stalking you.
PPS If I was, I promise I wouldn’t be a creepy stalker. More along the lines of a “lemme bring you margaritas and bask in your awesomeness” stalker. Really.

Just checked blog for first time in a few days to find that you’re coming to Toronto and cannot stop the fangirl squeeeeeee! Also, finding it terribly difficult not to gush about some things you should totally do while you are here: hit Kensington Market (vintage clothes, fresh food, statue of Al Waxman – what’s not to like?); walk the CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) grounds at 5 or 6 pm so the light hits the engravings in the patient-built wall at just the right angle to read them, and keep an eye out for white squirrels while you’re there; and while you’re in that neighbourhood, you should go for Ethiopian food at NuNu. Or at the very least Google all of those places on your laptop from a bathroom…

Awesome you’re coming to Toronto, sorry you couldn’t duck into Vancouver while you’re in Seattle.

Seriously considering a trip down, tho… never been to Seattle, always wanted to check it out. I’ve bought 2 e-editions of your book (the first for me, the second for my wife after I’d read two paragraphs into the introduction and knew she’d love it), and talked at least one friend into buying it as well.

I’m so excited that you’ll be in the Phoenix area! I bought copies of your book for my girlfriends for their birthdays (and one for myself, of course). Hopefully we can all get in. I’d love to meet you in person! I take great inspiration and comfort from you with my own struggle with depression and anxiety. Thank you for being there, and for coming here!

Even though I practically live across the street from the MN B&N you are going to, I will have to wave at you from the bar across the street (Tavern on France which has excellent Blue Chips) because I am still traumatized from being on that smallish signing space during the release of the last Harry Potter book. Several other claustrophobic and/or anxiety prone friends and I will be drinking a toast in your honor instead. Hope you have an amazing turnout and we eventually meet you someday when we don’t have to squeeze into a room with 1000 other people. If you happen to stop by the Tavern we will be the ones wearing the hats.😉

I have been wanting you to come to MN since you started this tour! And of course, it’s on the one day that my husband got Twins tickets for us. My first game at the new stadium, and one out of the four times a year that we get out ALONE without the kids. I’m really sad. But I have to put my husband and our rare date night first. I hope you understand. And I may have to mail my book to you to sign.🙂

Tempe, yay! Although I’m still a little annoyed at how Changing Hands complained endlessly about Borders and Barnes and Noble, cause C.H. was the “little neighborhood bookseller” getting picked on by the big guys, then promptly turned around and ran the real mom and pop bookshops out of business. Hhhmmmppph.

I’ll still come, though🙂 I bought your book the day after my R.A. diagnosis on July 3, 2012, and it’s brought many smiles into my currently very dark world. I’ve got my eyes peeled for a tiny shrieking alligator now, gotta get me one of those, thanks for that.

You come to Denver the day I get my wisdom teeth out, so I’m going to be a drugged up on a couch 45 minutes away instead of seeing your ridiculous self. I would be angry at you if it wasn’t so ironically parallel.

I laughed so hard once I discovered your blog that, one, I actually shelled out the money to buy your book on my Nook. And I NEVER buy full-priced books on my Nook. I couldn’t even read the book in bed before going to sleep, because I kept my husband awake I was laughing so hard. And I thought I could re-read the book and not laugh as hard the second time around. I laughed just as much. You are a full-on riot.

It’s too bad you won’t make it up to Vancouver, BC. My partner likes to sit in her office and laugh to herself while reading your blog.

It was quiet fortuitous that your book came out when it did. Her birthday was April 21 and the book arrived a few days prior. I ended up being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance the morning of the 21st. She went home to gather some things and I asked her to grab a parcel from a secret spot. She brought it to the hospital and I had her open it. She was so happy. It helped to lift her spirits and distract her from worrying about me. 🙂

Ahhh August 13th?!?!? I really really want to meet you and, despite my copy being on Kindle, get a paper copy with your autophragh…. but I’m having cancer surgery on the 6th… So if nobody minds me rolling up all high on vicodin and bandaged up like the Frankenstein monster, I plan to be there.

Seriously y’all, I could make the effort to like. Drape myself in something?

I can’t believe Powell’s in Portland is making you schlep all the way out to their Beaverton location. The indignity! Don’t they know who you are?

I’ll be there with bells on…and I’ll park my car within easy getaway-driver distance, just in case you should find yourself in need. Not to brag, but I’m pretty sure I’d be the best getaway driver ever.

Hey Jenny,
Just finished your book! Loved it!!! So glad to have company in the “It’s the PTSD talking” realm. My Daddy drove down the Parkway with a pony (for which I had begged ) in the backseat of his Cheverolet – circa 1967. It was awsome as a five year old. Not so much after that.
On the bright side – mom had a cow when she found out. Not literally of course. That would have been bad. And would have hurt.

Absolutely LOVE your blog, and can’t wait to read your book (it’s next in line once I’m finished my current book)! So glad you’re coming to visit us in Canada too. I plan to try and make it to Toronto for that!

Nice tour locations. What the hell?? What about those of us that live in shit-hole towns like Wall?
Places the rest of the world doesn’t even know about and where there isn’t shit to do but read blogs that make you laugh your ass off. Thanks for that at least.

This just made my whole month!!!! I thought you weren’t going to e anywhere near us bit you are, yay. Ill have to get a new book lost mine and my friends’ when my house flooded You’re a hoot! Thank you for everything.

My favorite Aunt informed me of your blog (as she knew I’d appreciate it due to the strangely terrible but also hilarious things that tend to happen to me), and I just can’t get enough of it! I belong to a book club and can’t wait for the next meeting so I can introduce your book to everyone else! Thank you for writing what you write. It makes me more aware of the funny side of the irony that is my life.

Of course you’re going to be in Seattle for two nights! We are going to rock that Costco in bulk. They will never know what hit them. Elliott Bay Books is used to crazed reader parties. I am booking a hotel downtown right now. Or a friends, sofa. I need to save money for booze.

I so wish that I had even an inkling of an idea that you were coming to Canada. I am the owner of a fantastic bookstore in Victoria BC just north of Seattle. Would have loved to sneak you across the boarder for an amazing night at our store! We love you here in Canada too don’t forget about us next time!!!

Toronto is hardly a trip to ‘Canada’… I mean yes, it’s IN Canada but it’s basically like going to the states and only stopping in New York and calling it a tour of the US. Come to more major cities here! I promise we’ll show you love.

Jenny,
I would love to come meet you at Powells Beaverton, I love your blog, and your book, and just think you’re an inspiration to women who aren’t “normal”. There is just one problem. I bought the audio book. Will there be posters or something I can buy?

Husband just agreed to accompany me to visit your in Tempe. All it took was reading your blog on Belize and telling him this was important to me. Yay for awesome hubbies (and yes, he asks me to stop talking all the time!).

your are awesome love your book read it while I am proctoring test which is not good because your book+silent room full of stressed students=me try so hard to not make noise as tears of laughter are rolling down my cheek thank you

I am so crazy sad to miss your Denver stop, I have a reveal that night. Maybe you will see my comment and decide you need company Sunday night and we can go out for drinks.😉 I’m native to CO and know Denver well, I could be your tour guide.😛

Just finished reading your book. I had a lot of doctor appointments, and hair appointments, basic waiting room situations in which I would read something, start laughing, try to stop, then start to cough, then just lose it. “I’m sorry”, I would say to one of the other people in the waiting room who were obviously not reading your book. “It’s just really funny.” I’d get it under control, then I’d read something else equally outrageous. I had to step outside to get ahold of myself.

The best part was last night when I was reading in bed. I was propped up on pillows, with your book resting on my rather jiggly belly. Within minutes, I was laughing and the book began shaking as in a PSA for what can happen during an earthquake.

I, too, am a Texan, living near Houston among the chemical plants while you get to be all Hill Country. I would be bitter, but I just had too much fun reading your book. I look forward to reading your blog.

Just finished the chapter on “Stanley the magical squirrel”. THANK GOD I was already sitting on the toilet, cause I would have had a mess to clean up! I peed I cried and then I dried! I love you Jenny!

All in the Family: Courtney LeBlanc's poetry chapbook is an honest and raw look into the dynamics of family relationships, the good, the bad, and the oh-so ugly; it'll make you cringe, cry, laugh, smile, and appreciate the relationships you have with your family.