Archive for March, 2001

An impromptu musical performance at a Buddhist monastery high atop the peak of Mount Emei by The Human Heads had locals clapping, fellow travelers singing along, and put smiles on the faces of no small amount of devout monks. After many an encore, the monks excused themselves to go to bed as they had to get up at 4am the next morning to pray.

An unexpected attempt was made on Rev. Smith’s life today when an unidentified assassin emerged from a crowded train platform in Xi’an, China, confronting Smith. The plot was cut short however, when it was revealed that the would-be assassin had forgotten his gun. A brief apology was made before the unarmed gunman fled the scene on bike.

In order not to offend his gracious hosts and to save face, Rev. Smith today ate a a meal which he is fairly sure contained dried rat. “I don’t speak much Mandarin,” said Smith, “so I kind of pointed at the food and asked hopefully ‘chicken?’, and my host just smiled and nodded. I don’t know. It didn’t taste all that bad. I just hope I don’t get the shits again.”

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith arrived in Beijing this morning with bandmate Lila Tene to kick off The Human Heads three week promotional tour of China. Throngs of fans crowded the airport to get a peek at Smith who is still most widely known for his days with international pop sensations GOF UGNÜT. “Ni hao,” said Smith to the gathered crowd, “cesuo zai nar?”

In a recent article in the NME, Veteran crooner Tom Jones noted that Salad Days, a song from The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith’s 1998 album IDEAS FOR SONGS, is one of his all-time favorite songs by an artist other than himself. Other songs to receive similar praise included the 1983 hit “Fascination” by The Human League and “Wango Tango!” by Ted Nugent.

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was kicked in the sack without warning this afternoon at a family gathering by his aunt Pam after casually suggesting that perhaps he may one day write a sequel to his phenomenal web sensation BRAD: the game. He spent the remainder of the day lying down next to his uncle Brad, who had been kicked in the sack about an hour earlier, as Anna fetched them both fresh ice packs every half-hour or so.

A harsh warning was delivered to the world today by The Reverend on behalf of God. “A plague of frogs will soon ravage this land,” declared the longtime prophet. He went on to explain that God is displeased that his New Improved Testament has met with only fledgling interest among the masses. ”And don’t think he’s bluffing, ’cause he’s done this kind of thing before,” remarked Smith. ”You just ask Egypt.”

War was beginning. What happen? Somebody set up us the bomb. We get signal. What ! Main screen turn on. It’s You !! How are you gentlemen !! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. What you say !! You have no chance to survive make your time. HA HA HA HA …. Take off every ‘zig’ !! You know what you doing. Move ‘zig’. For great justice.