Six Years in Spain: Reflections of a Life Abroad

Six Years in Spain:
Reflections of a Life Abroad

Sometimes it still feels like yesterday, soaring over the Atlantic en route to Barajas International Airport, mentally preparing to touch down for “a year” in Madrid. Half of me running away from a 9-5 marketing gig and a relationship that had faded to friendship, the other half desperately hoping to recreate the love affair with Spain that had been luring me back since I reluctantly left just two years before.

My first go around had been a whirlwind of just a few months, dancing until dawn in Barcelona, losing myself in the hills and caves of Granada’s Albayzín and Sacromonte, and eventually settling into an overcrowded apartment of artists and bohemians in Sevilla.

This time was different. Rather than blissful Andalucian days filled with painting, writing and daydreaming along the banks of the Rio Guadalquivir, I had a job waiting in Madrid and was meant to start over from scratch in a country I adored but a city I’d never been in and that didn’t interest me in the least.

There was no way I could have known as I clumsily navigated Madrid’s metro that morning that six years later I would be writing this post – my sixth Spaniversary. From the nonstop madness of Madrid (which I did, in case you were wondering, fall madly in love with) to the sundrenched coasts of the Canary Islands, Spain remains my muse.

As I celebrate my sixth Spaniversary, I offer six reflections of life abroad for those who are considering an international move. Some melancholy and some encouraging, these are my musings of a long-distance life.

1. You’re Not a Traveller

Bay of Biscay – Sailing to the south of France

I was miserable my first months in Madrid. I had long been accustomed to life as a long-term vagabond, having lived and worked abroad here and there over the years. It had always been easy – making friends and carving my place in the world wherever I happened to unpack.

But in Madrid I wasn’t a traveller bouncing in and out of hostels and free to jump in on the whenever-whatever adventures that usually piqued my interest. Here I had a job and an overpriced flat with way too many roommates, and bills to pay. Rather than being surrounded by the visual poetry of Andalucía, I felt like I was in a concrete jungle in a city that hadn’t yet revealed herself to me. It was the first time in my travels I had ever second-guessed my instincts and considered turning around.

Barrio Sacramente in Granada, Spain

Unlike travelling, you can’t just pack up your backpack and jump on a bus to the next town if you don’t meet anyone who sparks up a conversation worth having. Moving abroad is definitely full of new sights and tastes and experiences, but it’s also waking up early and going to work, paying your electricity bills and going to the supermarket. For those vagabond souls out there, working abroad does enable us to intimately discover new places, but in a very different way than backpacking.

2. The People Make the Place

My first months in Madrid were clouded with loneliness, newly single and in a new place where I didn’t know a soul. The city is loaded with newbies in September so it wasn’t hard to meet people, but it took some time to meet people who I actually really jived with, friendships based on like-mindedness rather than just staving off loneliness.

Then suddenly one crisp November night, I was wandering aimlessly with my adorable Belgian roommate. The city was already dressed up for Christmas, from the sparkling tree at the heart of Puerto de Sol to the glittering fairy lights that lit up Gran Via. We picked up a litrona of Mahou and parked ourselves on a curb to listen to Grupo Ernesto – a local madrileño band that filled Calle Preciados with music every Sunday night.

Madrid, Spain

We laughed and sang along, soon joined by a couple of mutual friends who danced along with us as the crowd grew. As we walked back home that night, Madrid was so much more beautiful than it had ever been to me over the previous months, and it wasn’t the Christmas decorations or the cerveza. I realized at that very moment that the people make the place, and that anywhere in the world can be home as long as you’re surrounded by the good ones.

3. You will always be a stranger in a strange land

Traditional Romería. Canary Islands, Spain

No matter how deeply you delve into the local culture and no matter how often your colleagues joke that “tú eres más Canaria que el gofio”, this is not your land.

I eat lunch at 2:00 and dinner at 10:00 and stuff my face with 12 grapes every New Year as the clock strikes 12. I know to order tinto de verano– not sangria – to keep cool beneath the dizzyingly hot July sun, and that Sunday afternoons in Madrid were created for vermouth and pinchos in La Latina after a stroll through El Rastro market. These things are second nature now, but they don’t belong to me.

Every October I simmer hot wine with cinnamon, nutmeg and orange rinds and invite the gang over to carve pumpkins. I learnt to make pumpkin pie from scratch when I couldn’t find the canned stuff, and spent a full week dying Easter eggs with the kiddos at school. They humor me, but these things don’t belong to them.

Coming from the perspective of a gringa who grew up in an immigrant community in LA, this resonates with me on a few different levels. This realization that the parents of my dearest friends have raised their families in a sort of cultural hybrid, as I’ll likely do if I have children here.

I look back on Christmas’ making tamales with my best friends’ grandmother, collecting gold coins thrown out by Lolo on New Year’s Eve, and eating long noodles for the promise of long life on Chinese New Year and I realize how beautiful it was to have had the opportunity to share in the traditions that had been guarded by these families for so many years.

It’s so easy to take for granted the simple customs and traditions of your community, until you have no one to share them with.

4. Life back home goes on without you

Meeting the sweet babes of my two college roommates and best friends.

You will miss weddings and baby showers and first birthdays. Your best friend will get engaged or have their heart broken and you won’t be there to celebrate or commiserate for either. Try as you might, you will all too often miss the most important days in the lives of people who are most important to you.

You’ll FaceTime more often at first, but it will die down as your new social circle grows and your free time shrinks. Something silly will happen that reminds you of an inside joke, but you won’t have anyone to laugh with, and those jokes are never really as funny when you try to explain them to someone else.

Meeting my first niece for the first time.

When you go home for a visit, there will be new boyfriends and girlfriends – and then new husbands and wives – you haven’t met, new inside jokes that you don’t get, and even damaged friendships dividing your once inseparable chosen family.

You’ll meet up for coffee and get the news, the highlights. But it won’t change that you weren’t there to help a lifelong friend move out when her fiancé stomped on her heart, or even just to toast your buddy’s big promotion.

While you’re absorbing the sights and sounds of countries and languages that had barely touched your radar before, life in the familiar goes on without you.

5. Those that want to be in your life, will

Retiro Park. Madrid, Spain

There are some who I called my best friends since childhood who have become strangers, yet there are others whose friendship have stood not just the test of time, but an ocean, a continent and thousands of kilometers.

You know these friends because when you see them, absolutely nothing has changed. You walk into their home (you barely recognize it now that the posters have been exchanged for framed art and the futons for feng shui) and you kick off your shoes, find the corkscrew in the same drawer it’s always lived in, and laugh until one or both of you falls asleep on the couch.

These are the friends that make sure to FaceTime you at birthday parties so everyone can pass around the phone, the ones that wish you a happy New Year when the ball drops on your time zone.

These people are priceless. They are family beyond blood. They have chosen to build bridges and keep you in their heart and mind despite the obstacles. Never take these people for granted. You know who are, and I love you ❤ .

6. You are always homesick for somewhere else

Chea Smon Village, Cambodia

Last week I took the bus to work, and as we wound up the hill beneath palm trees amid the balmy tropical heat, Danza Kuzoro playing from the driver’s radio. I could have sworn I was back in the Dominican Republic, could have tasted the chinolas and gunabanas and heard the neighbors calling K-LO-K, como tú ‘ta!

In Portuguese there’s a word – saudades – “a deep emotional state of nostalgica or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone”. Having lived in a few different places for extended periods of time, these saudades can sneak up on me when least expected.

The smell of fresh lemon grass and hot summer storms pulls my heartstrings back toward Cambodia. Every Christmas my heart longs for California and every spring I remember those first sunny days in Madrid’s Retiro Park, when you can finally kick off your boots and scarf in the grass beside the estanco and echar unasiesta as the sun dethaws your winter bones.

Would I change it?

Annual immigration paperwork 🤦🏼‍♀️

I would be lying if I said I never had doubts. By the time I graduated university, I had a coveted marketing position at an international NGO that allowed me three months a year field time in places like New Zealand and the Caribbean.

As most of my friends were barely transitioning from restaurant jobs into “the real world”, I was already burnt out on the 9-5 and constantly scheming of excuses to stay abroad for longer and longer chunks of time.

Moving to Spain meant accepting a (painfully) huge paycut, a mountain of annual immigration paperwork and a loss of security. It also enabled me to meet my partner and many of my dearest friends, to become fluent in a second language and to explore dozens of countries throughout Europe and northern Africa. Like most things in life, there’s highs and lows, ups and downs, give and take.

Great perspective. I like that you were so honest and seem to have spoken from your heart. I used to move around the US and loved it, but can relate to the difficult times of not knowing a soul and missing life events back home. Even though I have lived in the same area for quite a few years (traveling about 9 or so weeks a year, thank goodness), I still miss the places I have been. I think that the more you see and experience, the more you fall in love with the world, and life. At least for those who enjoy traveling.

I completely agree with you! Like so many things in life, I think that no matter which path you choose, you always wonder what the other would have been like… even if you’re content with the decision you’ve made. Or maybe that’s just because I’m restless and think too much! 😆

Love your honesty! I’m going to be relocating overseas soon (to the UK from NZ) and while I’m excited, I’m also very nervous about the move. It’s so nice to read about someone else’s experience. Your post has also inspired me to visit Madrid at some point 🙂

I almost moved to Spain a few years ago and backed out at the last minute. I always wonder how different my life would have been if I had gone. I probably wouldn’t have met my wife, so that’s a big thing. But I do love the country and still want to go back.

Great article! As a Canadian with four ears abroad living in Australia, I can relate to every single one of these points. Especially the ‘life goes on at home without you’ and the ‘those who want to keep in touch, will’ points!!

This is such a nice article: Very personal – and yet really interesting for everybody else on a general level. I think that especially the fact that you are always a stranger in a strange land is a tough one. My parents migrated due to political reasons – and I think that, although everything was fine, good jobs, great circle of friends etc., they’ve always felt a bit like strangers in a strange land. For me it’s different, I was really young, did all my schooling exclusively in Germany etc. – and still, when there’s a soccer match, I’m cheering for the Czechs (and that although I don’t care about soccer one bit 😉 )

I can relate to that away – although my parents were both born in the US, I grew up in a very multicultural community in LA and most of my best friends’ and/or their parents had moved over from Mexico, China and the Philipines to seek better opportunities. Although my situation is different, moving abroad has definitely helped me to relate a bit to what it must have been like for them to raise a family with such a mixture of culture and traditions from both their old and new homelands.

There’s a lot here that strikes a chord here, not just for travelers in Spain, but travelers around the world. Personally, I’ve lived 5 months in Spain and 3 years in China and I can relate to the sense of feeling a stranger in a strange land and a longing, sometimes, for home.

But still I wouldn’t have changed those experiences for the world. Thanks for your thoughts, it’s inspiring to read articles like this.

Thanks for reading! I absolutely agree that the experiences outway the nostalgia, but I think sometimes people get so tied up in the ‘glamour’ of expat life that they forget that there are two sides to every coin.
Were you teaching English in China? I’m considering a relocation and would love to hear a bit about your experince! I’ve mostly been researching the SE of China in Shenzhen. Where were you living?

We were living in a small city called Putian and then the much larger one of Xiamen. Teaching English yeah China is an amazing place, a country of contrasts that offers so much for the senses. When teaching English I do recommend doing your research at the start as there are good schools and bad schools. Find a good one, though, and you can earn good money there with plenty to save, particularly after your first year when you get to know people. Shenzhen is great, there’s less pollution in the SE. Even less in Fujian province which we ended up in. I’ve also heard great things about Kunming, closer towards Vietnam, and the whole of Yunnan province. I could go on about this for a long time, but happy to answer anymore questions.

These are great tips, thank you so much!! The Fujian provinces hadn’t really been on my radar before, but now that I’m looking at a map it looks ideal! Coastal is an absolute MUST for me 🙂 🙂 Do you have any posts on your blog you could point me towards? Would love to read more about your experiences !

This is near to my heart because I am seriously considering leaving NYC for Europe and it scared the bazeesus out of me. I’ve been a nomad for a while and have been quite enjoying it, but home base was always NY. My husband moved to The States 9 years ago and he can appreciate the “stranger in a strange land” sentiment quite well! Good luck on your journey, looks like you’re viewing it all with a lot of positivity!

Life’s views are better with a positive outlook! 😉 Where in Europe are you thinking of moving to?? There’s so much to see and do and explore on this side of the Atlantic, I’m sure it will be an incredible experience. I’m a bit envious of the east coasters out here that can simply hop on a direct flight and be home… getting from Europe to California is double the time and the hassle!

Really great to find this post! Ive moved from Canada to NZ with my Kiwi boyfriend and the distance is not easy. Sometimes it seems crazy to want to live abroad but its so true, you’re real friends will stick with you, life at home will go on and its really quite amazing going home for visits. I feel like I appreciate everything 10 times more! Good or you for 6 years!

If I didn’t live in Spain, I would almost definitely be living in New Zealand right now! As much as it’s hard to be away, I’m sure you’re loving gorgeous Aotearoa! I used to be a tour guide there about 10 years ago and am absolutely in love with every bit of the country. Where are you living at the mo?

Hahaha, canned pumpkin’s not so bad! Ok, in hindsight it probably is, but it’s so ingrained in US Thanksgiving traditions, I wouldn’t have it any other way! I like your idea about posting the recipe, perhaps I should get that out there soon for the other hungry, canned pumpkin seeking American expats out there 😋

This is a beautiful and touching article. I have had many of the same experiences but instead of Europe I live in Asia. I can really commiserate with your pain and your joy of your decision to live abroad. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

This post speaks to our journey too. We have experienced all your emotions and revelations too. We left our home in Australia 10 years ago, venturing to Canada in pursuit of adventure. After living in multiple cities across the great white north, we now wonder, which country will be next. Rarely do we think, perhaps we should go home to Australia.

It is very hard to explain this feeling to someone who has not departed for their home and lived abroad. It was nice to read this and know someone would understand.

Thanks so much, Anthony. It’s always nice to know that there are others out there who understand 🙂 And I definitely know what you mean about “what’s next”. When I think of leaving Spain, I’m typically wondering whether I’d prefer Vietnam or China as opposed to thinking about going home to California!

I really enjoyed reading your post. It’s so honest. I moved to a different city last year and I’m home sick, so I cannot imagine how you feel living in
a different country. But seems like you are having a good time. Congrats on completing six years in Spain! 🙂

Thanks, Lauren! It’s definitely not for everyone! As I get older I find myself questioning more or more “what if” I hadn’t moved, but in the long run I know that I’d always have felt the same “what if” if I hadn’t. So often we don’t realize how life changing our decisions can be until seeing them in hindsight.

Great, great post Erica! I enjoyed reading it, and even though I’ve never lived far away from home for more than 3 months, I could completely relate to what you wrote. It was so funny reading that you stuff your face with 12 grapes every New Year :), as it reminded me of my times as a student of Spanish language and literature, and all the Spanish customs we learned on our classes. I am always homesick for somewhere else too, and even when we travel to a place that we enjoy, I often say: “Do you remember when we were in Italy/Germany/Japan? How beautiful it was!”. Here’s to your sixth Spaniversary and may each one be even happier!

Thank you so much! I think the wasy you described being “homesick for somewhere else” perfectly describes how travel makes us humble by realizing how small and similar the world actually is once you start e exploring it 🙂

Loved your writing. You have captured all the emotions of friendships, loneliness, relationships and distances very beautifully. Each one of us have all these kinds of mixed emotions when we move away from our friends and family, you have carved all of them perfectly. 🙂

Hi Jeremy, I started off on a student visa via the auxiliares de conversación program (link below) and later did a visa modificación process which after 3 years gave me working residency. I´m hoping to put a post together this month with the details, so feel free to subscribe below to recieve a notification once it´s up 🙂