Your response: “I don’t want to fight you today, but I will, Virginia. I’ve just carbo-loaded and I’m about three times your size. Your bones are brittle, you’ve got osteoporosis. This is not a battle you want to have. Now can it before I eat the potatoes right off your plate. Don’t think I won’t.”

Remark from cousin Kevin, who is getting his PhD in pharmaceutical science: “And what are you up to these days?”

Your response: “What am I doing with my liberal arts degree? I’ll tell you: edibles. I’ve gotten really into weed. It’s decriminalized in California. What is it you do again? Study? Sounds lame. Am I poor? Yes. Am I constantly crying? Also yes. But at least I’m also not pushing pharmaceutical sales on unsuspecting and naive customers.”