Shwinging for PH8 Shwag

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What’s the best part of the Cardinals opening day festivities planned for Thursday, March 31st at Busch Stadium?

That’s right, it’s “1” – appearances by Team Fredbird, followed very closely by the Cox/Mabry autographs with Trixie Delight a distant 3rd.

However, it’s pretty darn cool that I’ll be giving away some PH8 swag on opening day. It’s cool, because it’s FREE. So, how do you win some of this awesomely cool stuff?

It’s easier than falling off of a log…..or giving up a HR to Albert Pujols.

Follow me on Twitter starting at noon on Thursday, and I’ll be giving directions to my whereabouts that day. First lucky person to find me wins.

Check the blog during the game. I’ll be giving away something before the 5th inning, but you have to figure out where I’m seated based on the clues revealed on the blog. It won’t be easy. Remember when Google used a series of clues in which one clue led to another, and only the brightest minds in the world managed to reach the end to find that it was basically job application? Yeah, this is nothing like that. I’m not posting some form of the heat equation and asking you to determine the temperature of a point in a 3-dimensional object tumbling through space with a heat source at one end. You thermodynamics folks can relax now.

You can also just randomly run into me and scream “Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing Zow Zing“. That will suffice as well. If you struggle with that, then just declare yourself as one of the “Knights Who Say Ni” or yell “Groinstring“, and you shall be rewarded with some swag (if there is any remaining at that point).

RULES, CAVEATS, & DISCLAIMERS:

My relatives are disqualified from entering, because they either received PH8 gear for Christmas gifts, or they should support my blogging habits by buying from the team store. Hosting costs and bandwidth for 3 loyal readers isn’t cheap….okay, actually it probably is, but that’s not the point. #GuiltTripsFTW

Alien life forms are not allowed to enter. This is a strict rule enforced by me, Lord Garthon of the planet Florg-apet. (Lord Garthon approves this message.)

You may only win once, but you may lose thousands of times. Also, you may win nothing. You may also choose not to try to win. You may even accidentally win.

You are disqualified from participating, if you are currently my friend on Facebook, LinkedIn, or if you have my cell phone number.

You are disqualified from winning, if you’ve ever driven more than 100 miles with me with your head hanging out the window while singing show tunes.

You are disqualified from participating, if you ever attended a house party thrown by my roommates in college. Even though the statute of limitations is now expired, the vow of silence is still enforced. Pinkie swears are good for life.

You may potentially win a bonus item, if you are able to convincingly perform the “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” routine from Tommy Boy. Alternatively, you can try to convince me that you live in a van down by the river, and I should hire you for some menial task.

If you win, you must be willing to have your picture taken with your swag and have that photo published on PH8 just to prove that we have indeed given something away. I totally promise NOT to Photoshop any of the pictures of you and the swag.

Members of PH8 and their families are not allowed to participate, unless they are over the age of 105 and wear a size Medium.

You automatically win, if your name can be proven to be Beavis, Cornhulio, or Butthead.

TIDBIT: If you don’t know the schedule for the Opening Day Pep Rally, then you may raise your hand, and Tommy will come around and hit you over the head with a tack hammer. Alternatively, you can read the rest of this tidbit.

Like it? Thought you wouldn’t see “Pujols” and “Cornhulio” in the same blog post? Follow gr33nazn on Twitter, and you might see even stranger combinations!

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Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.