A blog to discuss my experience of being in reunion with my birthfamily for the last twenty-five years. It's about identity and the integration of my life with my birthmother's and the unique blended family that forms as a result.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

I've been away from the blog for awhile. I've been working on finishing up a my Master's degrees while working full-time. Oh, and moving my adoptive mom across the country into assisted living near me. There's a lot going on. I look forward to writing about it more in the months to come as my studies transition away from MBA and into writing. I've missed it.Even though I've been away from writing, I have still been scanning posts about adoption. What's been sticking with me lately are stories of initial reunion. It seems so long ago when reunion was new to me. It's strange to think back on it now. As I read other's stories, I remember the feeling of gratitude at finally knowing about where I came from, the relief at confirming that I was indeed human and had not just appeared out of the ether, and the uninhibited joy of an unprecedented connection that I never had before with anyone else, ever, in quite in the same way.As I see pictures of initial reunions and the smiles, I miss it. The newness of it brushes past me like a warm summer breeze. Everything is bright, and new, and the darkness of not knowing seems a distant memory. While allowing the peace and joy of the initial reunion, I know that the reunitees don't quite realize that their lives have changed. I know I didn't. I didn't think that one bit of knowledge would actually be a doorway to a whole new dimension. And once you cross that threshold, you know it's out there. You can turn around and shut the door, and I know some people do that, but you still know it's there.Old reunion is living in both spaces. The newly reunited may not know there's a whirlwind to come. And it's okay. They deserve the unbridled joy. It's part of it. Living with both. Getting to have the good and the bad. Sometimes when I'm in a hard phase, it's helpful to remember back to the time before knowing. The time when I wasn't in reunion. I was half the person I am now. I'm grateful for all the family I have now, the extensive massive family I have now (both original mom and original dad have hoards of siblings, plus have married into other families). I'm glad to have gone through all of it. And so looking back on the new reunions is sweet and refreshing. They have crossed over. Those of us who have been in old reunion welcome them into our fold and hope we can be of some help along the way.