You know you've done something either terribly right or terribly wrong if you've made your girlfriend cry in bed.

Just a moment before, things were going quite well, it seemed. And by things, I mean sex. After a morning spent cleaning the apartment and going for a run together, we nestled into the couch with the goal of watching a movie, but soon we were holding hands and rubbing arms. We'd started having sex slowly and increased speed until we ended (and by ended, I mean climaxed) facing each other, lips and hips locked and eyes open. We had both broken a sweat. It felt like we'd been dancing. And then, she started to cry.

Until this point, our fresh relationship had been full of frequent, heart-pounding, loud sex. We were making up, passionately, for lost time. It could have been a coincidence that we met each other in the same place in life, after we'd both suffered through years of near-sexless former relationships. But it didn't feel like coincidence—it felt like fate. And for both of us, to be wanted again was incredible. (That incredible, passionate sex can be yours again, too. Discover the 16 Secrets of Hotter Monogamy.)

When we were together, we were usually in bed. And by in bed, I mean having sex; but sex didn't always take place in a bed. When we couldn't be together, we exchanged late-night texts and calls that lasted for hours. We Facebook-stalked each other, so deep ran our desire to be together. But she had never cried before.

When I asked her what it meant, she told me: She felt close to me at that moment, like we were really connected and committed. I felt exactly the same way. And I'd decided that this relationship was the one—that I wanted her not just for sex or even as a girlfriend, but as a partner. Somehow, something I'd done had let her know that.

Once I knew that the crying was a sign of not just good sex but great sex—that she felt deeply satisfied both physically and emotionally—it became my goal. The trouble would be figuring out just what it was I had done. The bar had been set high. From then on, I was going for that deep connection every time. I was looking for tears. (If you're looking to take your sex to the next level, pick up the Men's Health Big Book of Sex. It has all the tips, tricks, and positions you need to rock her world.)SOON WE HAD MOVED past that initial stage of the relationship and settled into a routine. She had a new job and a new apartment, and the time we'd spent fawning over each other had become filled with normal chores. Sex seemed less frequent and certainly more forced. Somehow I thought that if we had more sex, we'd find that connection again. Instead she felt pressured when I'd grab her between showering and leaving for work. And when I say grab her, I mean try to have sex. And when I say on her way to work, I mean just that; she needed to go to work.

It all came to a head one night when we were out to dinner with close friends. The subject of how often we all had sex came up, and the other couple claimed they had a rendezvous daily. Back home, I told her it had made me envious. We'd had good sex twice that week and she wanted to know why that couldn't have been enough. She felt pressured. I didn't know what to do. It was time to call in a consultant.

Over lunch with an editor of this magazine, I gingerly asked for help. Men's Health has a resident sex doctor; a bona fide sexpert, if you will. Maybe I could pick her brain? I did, and here we are: a commissioned article with a view, dear reader, on how you too can have the kind of sex that makes your girlfriend or wife weep with happiness.

Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., M.P.H., is a sex researcher, columnist, and author of many books, including Sex Made Easy and Read My Lips: A Complete Guide to the Vagina and Vulva, the very territory I was trying to navigate. The good doctor asked me how long my wife and I had been together—10 months. "Oh, good," she replied, "enough time to settle in." Well, I thought, that's exactly the problem.

Herbenick sent me a list of suggestions. I had hoped for some wild proposals, like "Try some anal" or "Have sex several times a day." But her list seemed tame. Exercise together? Sure, we'd done that on the day of epic sex. And there were a few ideas we hadn't explored, like using lube or a vibrator with each other, but most of the activities were things we did occasionally anyway. And I wondered how doing more chores would translate into soul-melding sex. I didn't even know what "mindfulness" during sex meant.

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