Monday, February 10, 2014

Just One.

Don't you think it's strange how game changing trust is, but yet it's a completely untouchable, invisible thing? It controls all of our relationships with people and yet, in reality it's just this thing we feel in our hearts and minds, but never see with our own eyes.

Trust is really annoying because no matter how hard you try to trust someone after they deceive or disappoint you, you just can't. There will always be a nagging, persistent voice inside of you not letting you give full control away.

For the past year and a half I've had really bad trust issues with men. I don't trust any of them, and I know that is cruel, that it's lumping them all into one category when they're not all the same...but after so many experiences of situations with them where my trust was totally taken advantage of, destroyed, and deceived...it gets hard to trust anyone. So I always put up this instant, unclimbable wall towards men whether they have romantic intentions or not, they still get put on the other side of my wall. I don't want to be so cold and calculating about their intentions, but it's just this instinct ingrained into me at this point.

So imagine my surprise when all of a sudden I'm taken aback and realize one day that a guy has actually broken through my wall and gained my trust. It took about a whole year, a lot of milkshakes at Steak and Shake with me crying my eyes out, and just genuinely being patient, but I'm really impressed that this guy has gotten me to trust him. It's not necessarily a romantic thing I have with him, but a friendship and I'm just really shocked that this whole time I've been in my mind thinking, "nope, no, naw, you're not going to get through to me" and then one day I realized, he had.

Just gives me hope I guess. That there still are guys out there who won't lie to you and drag you along and use you. There's a lot of them out there who won't do any of that actually. It just takes perhaps one person to change your mind.

With much love, Lauren.

P.S. If you haven't entered the 1000 Shillings giveaway yet, go do so! It's an awesome cause and super easy to enter :)

That sweater is so adorable. What a smile maker :) And you look so lovely!

The writing explains a lot. I could really feel that from you and am glad its guys in general and not just me. It is tough to be kept at a distance by somebody you think is so cool for any reason, but I totally understand what you are saying.

I am super shy but have little trouble trusting people anymore. Mine is more like a self esteem issue, trusting that people want me around or to hear from me, stuff like that. Skittish like a bunny at rabbit season I am. the slightest hint of my being a pest and hop hop hop off I go.

This was the loveliest post Lauren! Trust issues are the worst and those walls are a bloody pain! I'm glad someone broke through them and got to you :) Im starting to tear down my own walls I've been building up for years bc I realised there was so much more for me to expedience out there.

Wow, Matt must really have hurt you for your experience with one guy to have made it sound like you're talking about loads of guys hurting you and thus all losing your trust. I'm sorry for that, sorry that it has hurt so much. But there is hope so that is good.

I totally get where you're coming from, I've gone through phases of trusting men and others. It get hard sometimes to know whether or not to let someone in. But in the long run I think that those heartbreaks make you stronger as they clearly have :)

I’m Lauren. A 24 year old Ohioan living in Brooklyn, NY and the blogger behind this nook of the internet. This is the place where I write out my soul, bare my heart, and welcome you to do the same. Grab a warm cup of something and stay awhile. x