My Experiments With Spirituality

- ‘I fled Him, down the nights and down the days; I fled Him, down the arches of the years; I fled him down the labyrinthine ways of my own mind ……. ’. This poem by Francis Thompson describes the state of my existence as I tried to avoid God all my adult life, which incidentally started when I was 12 years old and ironically just after my Thread ceremony. I denied him totally and absolutely as I got fascinated by Science and reason and logic. All the rituals just made no sense. At the age of 20 I was on top of the world having secured a good respectable job but still felt a strange sense of uneasiness, of having missed out on my true potential. Now it was the turn of my brother to undergo the Thread ceremony. Perhaps, the Head Priest could sense my cockiness and doubt. During a lull in the proceedings he casually asked me if I performed the Gayatri Jap every day. I told him I didn’t believe in it. To which he replied,’ You will never succeed unless you chant the Gayatri’.

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From then on I started a daily jap but with little faith in my heart.

- Meanwhile, I progressed on my chosen career acquiring post graduate qualifications at a prestigious IIT which further reinforced my faith in Technology being the answer to all problems. I rejected all rituals, all prayers but somewhere there was this seed of faith that just refused to die. Perhaps, it was the Gayatri Jap that contributed to this, or was I just covering all the bases just in case God did exist?

- I was now grappling with Grihast Ashram and the challenge of raising kids occupied all my attention. During a holiday I picked up the book, ‘The Road less Travelled’, by Dr Scott M Peck, a Psychiatrist for it seemed to have answers to the various psychological challenges that children face. The book starts off talking of discipline and responsibility and even love but as the author delves into the human mind, he enters the region bordering Science and Religion and finally ends up defining God in psychological terms. The human mind has a conscious part that is just 1 % while the rest is the unconscious. We normally use only the conscious part while tackling problems of Science or Logic. But the unconscious part is a treasure house that is responsible for intuition, déjà vu, dreams, creativity and has immense knowledge. The Collective Unconsciousness of the human race has all the wisdom of the human race and therefore, as per the author was God! I found this explanation immensely appealing and started to intensely think about it. So much so that even in social dos I would be discussing only this topic. Perhaps, it was this intensity of search that led to my first spiritual experience. That night, I suddenly had a vision whereby I was lifted up and my whole body burned as I was surrounded by a golden light and I instinctually knew I was in the presence of the Supreme Power. I started chanting ‘Bhagwan Bhagwan’, and I saw a hill side on which were inscribed Huge Sanskrit letters urging me to go in a Southerly Direction were I would find the Gateway to God. This started my search by going to the various Temples staring with Vaishno Devi, Tirumala etc. But I didn’t find God there. Meanwhile, my nightly visions kept increasing although I could not call for it at will. I really had no explanation for what was happening to me. I tried to contact Dr Scott Peck, but failed. Finally, in an internet chat room I got in touch with a spiritually evolved person who told me that what I was experiencing was a Kundalini arousal. The Kundalini energy that is coiled up like a snake at the base of the spine rises up along the neural pathways of the spine and passes through the various chakras. As it passes through these chakras the wheels spin with ever increasing speed until the energy reaches the crown of the head and exits from the body. This is commonly called an Outer Body Experience or OBE and this energy embarks upon an inter stellar journey. Scientifically, I can’t prove it because this experience can’t be recalled at will. But when it happens it is like Grace has descended on me and I know I am on the right path. For instance, once when on the road I noticed a man bleeding on the road side. I had an important conference to attend – but I still stopped and ensured that I gave him a lift and ensured medical care for him. That night I had an OBE. These experiences started increasing and at times I would hear devotional music playing at night. The best OBE I ever had was when I truly practiced detachment. The organization that I headed had been selected for felicitation at the national level and I as the head was to meet the President even. But just two weeks before the felicitation I was transferred and this honour went to the new Head. I could have delayed my transfer but reasoned that the honour was for the organization and not me alone. And I let it pass. That night I experienced the best OBE ever.

- However, now it has been a few years since I had my last OBE. The Biblical phrase, ‘Many are called, but few are chosen’ seems to be true in my case. For during one of my visions, I declared that I couldn't just leave my family behind and walk away. So when it really mattered I withdrew.

- What have I learnt from all my experiences?

- My first deduction is that the intensity to experience truth is the most important quality of a seeker. You really have to long for it like a drowning man longs for oxygen. When the desire for truth is intense it will materialize.

- My next deduction is the issue of ego boundaries. When I was heading my organization I had totally dropped my ego. For me the organization and me were one. This perhaps enhanced the quality of my experiences as my ego was no longer a stumbling block.

- Finally, I think detachment is the key. If we can get used to the impermanence of all things and dispassionately do our duties, the spiritual life has been lived. As the Buddha said, ’ Birth is exhausted, the holy life has been lived out, what can be done is done, of this there is no more beyond. ‘