I'll start. My name is Greg and I shit myself less than six months ago.

The scenario was as follows: Liquid breakfast (juice and coffee) then a grocery store run. I ignore urge to shit while in the grocery store and the urge subsides. I foolishly smoke a cigarette on the car ride home (have since quit smoking (yay!)) and urge returns in full force. I park and need to shit immediately. I leave groceries in car but need to climb stairs to get to my apartment and shit myself on the last step to my door. I open door, finish shit in bathroom, cleanup everything and unload groceries (ice cream is a bit melted and, subsequently, sub-par). I then shower (unplanned) and go golfing (stick golf).

Now it's your turn. Shit happens to the best (and worst) of us, so don't be afraid to tell your story.

Shat myself in -92 when I was around 10 years of age, was on a beach with a friend and suddenly I felt like I gotta get to a bathroom NOW. Had to cycle a kilometer to get home, and used my bike saddle as a plug, but it turned out to be treacherous as I dismounted the inside pressure was too much for my buttcheeks to counter, which rather instantly lead to pant-shitting. Luckily I had to climb only one set of stairs to get in.

It was 2009 and I was in the military. I was Temporary Additional Duty (TAD) to Transition Assistance Program(TAP) Class. They call it TAD because you spend your days at the class and then come back to the ship to work the afternoon and stay overnight if you have duty that day. I had duty the day before and they wouldn't let me leave the ship early that morning, even though they knew I had to leave to get to my class. My options were skip breakfast and get to class on time, eat on the ship, or eat breakfast off ship and be late. Like a dumb shit I decided to eat breakfast on the ship because I had been on watch during dinner the night before, was starving and didn't want to get yelled at when I got back to the ship for being late to TAP Class. Also it's important to know you go to this class in civilian clothes.

Story:

I knew ship food would give me terrible diarrhea, but I thought I'd at least have enough time to get to my class before I shit myself. I was walking from my ship to the class and half way is a McDonalds with a public bathroom, I made it a third the way to that McDonalds and knew I was in trouble. Cold sweats, stomach cramps, odd noises... the whole shebangabang. Turns out everybody I'd ever known in my life was going to be on that sidewalk and want to ask me what I'm learning at TAP and if I was excited to be getting out of the military. I ended up sprinting to that bathroom and made it in... but some dickhead was already using the only toilet. I knew there was a trash can in there and asked for it while taking off my pants but was a split second too late. The first squirts were in my pants, then on the floor but hey, most of it made it into the trash can. Luckily I had a backpack with 2 extra changes of civilian clothes. I eventually got into that stall and cleaned myself up, threw away my shit on underwear/pants and changed my clothes. The dickhead who was in the toilet went and ratted me to the McDonalds staff, so I got to clean up the bathroom before I left. Oh, and I was late to class, they told my command and I got yelled at.

Twas about five years ago and I was just waking up in bed with my new (at the time) girlfriend, we had eaten some questionable thai food the night before and I felt a big "fart" coming on. Seeing as she was still asleep I figured I'd just blast this monster fart out right where I lay. I let it rip and immediately knew I had made a mistake as I blasted out some liquid turd. I had no underwear to stop it so it landed straight on the bed. Now my girlfriend was sleeping on a bed that I had just shat on......awkward situation. Long story short I had to shamefully wake her up and grab the sheets before she rolled over into poop, she just laughed because she is a champion.

I've never had a situation that required a full fledged pants changing but I know the "shart" all too well... It's always the one that before laying it makes me say "Hmmmmm... that feels like it's going to be a warm fart with a lot of pressure behind it". Rule of thumb, if you have to fart but you think you'll try to use your anus like a valve to limit the speed and intensity of the fart, don't. It's not a fart, it's shit.

Jeronimo wrote:I've never had a situation that required a full fledged pants changing but I know the "shart" all too well... It's always the one that before laying it makes me say "Hmmmmm... that feels like it's going to be a warm fart with a lot of pressure behind it". Rule of thumb, if you have to fart but you think you'll try to use your anus like a valve to limit the speed and intensity of the fart, don't. It's not a fart, it's shit.

Flat shots need running on the center line of the tee and planting each step on the center line. Anhyzer needs running from rear right to front left with the plant step hitting the ground to the left of the line you're running on. Hyzer is the mirror of that.

I dont have a cool story from personal experience to post. but a friend of mine had a serious party in in my hometown and there were prob 150 or so people there, lots of food and kegs of icehouse(bad idea). so eventually everyone is tanked, my friends older brother ends up with a 6 or 7(I cant remember) in his bed who had just finished puking in the woods. (he has no shame.) well, I dont know what transpired through the evening except that at about 6am I wake up on the couch and hear him cussing and said girl runs out his room with shit dripping down her leg. apparently she shit all over him and in his bed while they were asleep. i believe she stayed in the bathroom for at least 2hrs. pure shame.

After a night of many low quality beers and greasy food, the next morning found us hungover and on the course. All of a sudden I had to squirt and there was no stopping it. The only place I could think of to go quick enough was to run across the hole and down a very steep embankment, with juices now running down my inner thigh. I dropped trough over the river, holding onto some trees to keep from falling into my own nasty stew. I went upstream to wash off my legs, clean my board shorts, and get my bidet on. Thankfully there was no one across the river to see my shame.