It seems like that is the case as of late. Angry at things I cannot control. Angry at the state of the world. Angry at the state of my life. Angry that time passes way too quickly with no regards to anyone. Seething anger that sometimes has no reason or rhyme. Maybe it is part of getting older. Less patience, less tolerance. I don’t know. I do know that the older I become the more I see the uselessness of most things. The day-to-day minutia at work. It feels so pointless anymore. When I was younger I did my job, tried hard and tried to work my way up. Two lay-offs later and too many articles read about how corporations have people by the short and curlies, I have come to the conclusion that it all just doesn’t matter. All of this bullshit we go through, just to get by, it is frustrating. It all feels to meaningless. Shuffle paper, make duplicates, work overtime to impress a boss, it is a waste. This is what life has become and it has become that way because we desire things. I am as guilty of that as anyone. 2000 CDs later and 3 video game consoles can prove that. Life shouldn’t be about working until you are too old to enjoy what time we have on this planet. Life should be about learning and exploring the world around us. We should be able to do without these distractions that we have become so dependent on. All we need are the basic necessities to get by, but our economy is so fucking dependent on us consuming things, that it has been forced down our throats that we NEED to have things. We NEED to keep up with everyone else. We have become slaves to gadgets and gizmos that provide only a veneer of necessity. We are sheep when it comes to the latest iPhone or iWhatever. We are led by the Shepard of Consumption. We blindly follow as we sip our lattes and wander through the fields of merchandise and hope that we are not left behind. We are a consumer based economy that has tied itself to the idea that we must work harder, make more money, buy more stuff and repeat. We are now defined by our career and what we own, instead of who we are. That makes me the angriest of all.

On a different tangent, but something that also makes me angry, is this age of political correctness and lack of common sense that plagues this world. People have lost the ability to use their judgment to make decisions. Although I will admit there is a reasoning behind this. Our society has become so litigious that we have to debate on whether to save someone’s life if they are drowning, just because they might sue us if they get hurt in the process. We have become a society of “lawyers, guns and money” to quote the late-great Warren Zevon. It is not a good thing. We can’t laugh at ourselves or anyone else because they might get their feelings hurt. Get over it. Your culture and my culture and everyone else’s culture has done some pretty stupid things. Learn to admit it and laugh at it. One particular thing I want to vent about is the school system in this country. Specifically, their “Zero Tolerance” policies. Kids that are being bullied are being suspended from school for standing up for themselves. Hell I read an article where one kid was suspended just for being bullied. School are so scared of ignorant parents that are sue-crazy that these Zero Tolerance policies are running rampant. They rather not deal with a subject like bullying and just sweep it under the rug by blaming everyone involved and not the little bastards that are doing the actual bullying. I was always told, I better not ever start a fight, but if I am picked on, I damned well better finish it. That is how you deal with a bully, you stand up to one. School districts AND parents need to get together and come up with a better plan that zero tolerance. Common sense needs to be the ruling hand in these cases and not fear of a lawsuit. Also, parents need to get off their asses and do some actual parenting. Teach your kids that you do not need to pick on someone to make yourself feel good. Teach them right and wrong. Don’t depend on some TV show to show them morals, do it yourself. Also, punish them if they break these rules. Everyone needs to learn wrong from right in this situation.

I feel if we do not change as a society, we will become working slaves to our corporate masters. We will be so caught up in working and buying that we do not do any actual living. We are becoming colder as a nation. We are being fooled by a corporate sideshow that promises happiness disguised as a home we cannot afford or as a car we don’t need. Given the state of the economy and the dim view that the future holds, I don’t see any of it changing. We owe it to the next generation to try and start changing the attitude about what life consists of. It shouldn’t be a day to day rat race that never ends, but it should be something that is fun and that brings us together as a people. We do not need to be shackled by our work just to try and makes ends meet. We need to stand up for the things we believe in and make things better for future generations. Maybe this is just crazy hippy talk left over from a by gone age. I just believe we were not put on the world to work 40-60 hours a week just to be able to buy a new car and take a crappy vacation now and then and to make some shareholders richer. We have a purpose, we just need to be able to live within our means and be able to work towards that purpose. We need to use the common sense we have and try and work towards that change.

For the record, I was the one that named this endeavour. (Actually, what I suggested was “Mid-Life Crisis Action Committee”, but Rando suggested we shorten it to our current moniker.) I came up with it mainly as a joke; we were, after all, three friends in our early 40’s who decided to take a stab at podcasting. All of us were regular guys (as much as anyone can be called “regular” anyway). We were all married, all working 40 hour days, and we were all getting older. Starting a podcast seemed like a mid-life crisis to me!

A rather turblent year kater and and I’m looking at things differently.

Soon after we got this podcast/blog going, I lost my job. It was a job I didn’t like and was glad to see the back side of, but losing it stung nonetheless. Less than six months prior, I’d gotten a large and long overdue raise. To say I was not expecting to be out work before that same year was out was an understatement.

So, there I was. Forty-two years old and sitting at home all day, drawing unemployment, trying to dwell on the list of trips and purchases I’d planned to make that were now postponed indefinitely, and marveling at just how much cats sleep during the day. My main occupation was trying not to go stir crazy while looking for work in a tight job market. Eventually, I was offered a job I really didn’t want. I took it anyway, cause it was tired of making my wife pay for everything. It was a job and I took it despite my reservations.

I lasted one day and never went back.

Soon afterward, I lost my unemployment benefits due to changes in my state’s regulations. After a very nervous week of hunting for something, anyway, I found a part-time gig at the local movie theater. My first job at age 18 was in my hometown’s theater. Now, twenty-four years later, here I was again. I tried hard not to let my siuation get me down. Other folks were a lot worse off than I was.

Finally, a month or so ago, I landed a full time job once again. It’s nice to have that load off my back and to finally be able to plan for the future, but now a lot of the angst I felt before losing my last job is starting to return. Once again, I’m stuck in the rut of the workaday world and while I wouldn’t trade my current job for the theater, I do need to find a way to not feel stuck anymore

Which leads me to the question I asked in the title of this post: what exactly constitutes a mid-life crisis? We all know the stereotype of the middle-aged American man who goes a little nuts after turning 40: he buys a converitible sports car, leaves his wife, gets a young girlfriend, and generally tries to act like he’s 25 again. I don’t want any of that, though! I’ve no interest in a flashy car, been married for 16 years and don’t see myself changing that voluntarily, and I have absolutely no desire to be 25 again! But, I am getting to a point where I don’t want things to continue as they are. I spent the majority of the last year in a state of flux. Looking back, I’ve come to believe I don’t really know any other way to live. I’m getting to a point where I want things to slow down and start living a quieter, simpler life. Would thank count as a “crisis” or am I get just maturing? Is there even a difference? I wish I knew…

Sometimes when a member of a very successful group releases a solo album, it runs the risk of being proportionally as good or proportionally as bad as the group’s work. This is not the case with White City: A Novel by Pete Townshend. It is a surprisingly solid record all the way through. With this album, Townshend gives us a glimpse of life in an area of London where he had grown up. All the songs are sung by Townshend and he provides a couple of high spots with “Brilliant Blues” and “Hiding Out”. I believe the only song that got any radio play during its release was “Face The Face”. This is one of those you either hate it or love it songs. The song is catchy in an embarrassing kind of way, but as far as serious writing, it is a throwaway song. There is also a corresponding film that was released with this. I have never seen it, but I would be interested in watching it.

This album can be labeled with the dreaded moniker of “concept album”. I know that phrase makes some cringe, but don’t be worried. If you are looking for a solid rock album with some catchy tunes and some really good music, this is the album for you. The songs can stand on their own and there is no comparison to the music of The Who. Townshend was always the driving force behind the lyrics anyway and he shows on this album that he hasn’t lost his touch. It is an older Townshend reflecting on his past. There might not be an anthem like “Won’t get Fooled Again” on this, but there doesn’t need to be. It is a really good album from an artist, who at the time, was starting to change his direction of songwriting. Give it a chance and I am sure you will find it is worth a listen.

Maybe I am feeling sentimental today or maybe it is the thoughts of Spring slowly creeping its way in that’s got me thinking of the past. The change of the seasons has always made me a bit moody and this year is no exception. I don’t want to go into this diatribe on how better things were when I was younger. I have never subscribed to that. I saw enough of that attitude with my father and it really annoyed me. His life was a series of clips from the past that made him feel old and unwanted. The actual truth of the matter was that he hated being old and he would rather live in the days gone by than in the present. It was hard on everyone around me. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t think I am. It makes no sense to mourn the past at the cost of your present. You get nowhere with that attitude.

All that being said, I do long for a few things. I do long for the free time I had as a kid and teenager. I do miss my imagination. It was my best friend as a kid. We have long since parted ways and the thought of that does make me a little sad. I miss my mom. We were just getting to know each other when she died. I don’t mean in a sense that she was missing in my life, just that I was finally out-growing that obnoxious high school demeanor and trying to find my way and appreciating my family. We were talking and caring about each other as adults. She was taken way too soon. I miss that innocence of a child. It is hard for me not to look at things with Cynic-colored glasses anymore. I do miss when all of my friends stood as one. Time and attitude has changed that and the less said about that part the better. I know who my close friends really are and I am grateful for them.

I don’t want this to turn into this sad, “I hate my life” type of rant. I don’t hate my life. I am in a rut at the moment, but I am better off in a lot of ways than I was as a kid. I am not this emotional train wreck that limps along feeling sorry for himself. I just would like for me to have more control over me. Time and age may change your body, but it shouldn’t change your attitude. I might be growing older, but I am not growing up and I personally like it that way. I just find it harder to recapture that feeling of youth, but it is out there, just waiting for me to slip it on like an old favorite sweater. The sweater might be worn and faded because of time, but it does keep you just as warm and makes you feel as good as it always has. The thing is, you have to hunt a little harder in the closet to find it.