Carmakers will slap their name on anything if they think they can make a buck from it. As Jalopnik readers found, this has led to some unbelievably terrible pieces of crap.

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Doing the research for this article, we found that the well of horrible tchotchkes branded by official carmakers is virtually bottomless. There are just too many overpriced Ferrari Segways, Ferrari golf balls, and Ferrari laptops to mention. Ferrari could fill up this list a hundred times over, but here's the crème de la crème.

9.) Tonino Lamborghini phone

What you get: While the Porsche Blackberry is overpriced, at least it's not as bad as what Tonino Lamborghini (Ferrucio's son) is selling. You can get a Lambo phone with gold plating or crocodile skin, but unfortunately Lambo will no longer just sprinkle some diamonds on your phone (that was a special edition). Prices start at $2,725.

Photo Credit: Tonino Lamborghini

8.) Lamborghini watch

What you get: What's worse than a Lamborghini phone? Their watches, which may be the ugliest ever made. Nothing says you still wear polyester like one of these chronographs, starting from $1,650 and rolling up into a few grand.

6.) Porsche bong

What you get: Technically, this is a $1,738 (€ 1,350) shisha pipe, filed under Porsche Design's "useful things" section. We like to think of it as the Porsche bong. Only the classiest sticky green need apply.

4.) Mercedes-Benz milk jug

What you get: We like to think that this $18.50 Mercedes-Benz milk jug is a highly precise, overengineered masterpiece, but it just looks like a regular porcelain jug. What kind of world is this where Stuttgart's finest sells milk jugs, but not Mercedes-brand lederhosen?

1.) Ferrari clothing of any kind

What you get: Just because you wear a bright red Ferrari shirt, doesn't mean you're fooling anyone into thinking you own one. If you happen to have purchased Ferrari's $1,649 FF leather jacket, you probably do own a real Ferrari, but you still look like you just got out of an acrimonious divorce. The exception to this, of course, is anyone who owns a 348 or 308. Then you're just awesome.