Saturday, August 17, 2013

If you're a woman who finds climaxing easy and can have orgasms
during intercourse with little effort – even in a position where it's
difficult to access the clitoris – then you are very lucky indeed!
For the majority of us, 'ringing that bell' is not nearly so simple.
Even women who can masturbate to a climax with no difficulty can feel quite anxious about 'coming' with a male partner.

This doesn't seem fair, because apart from the small minority of men
who have psychological difficulties with sex and who cannot relax enough
to ejaculate into their partner (delayed ejaculation), most males have no problem at all in climaxing during sexual intercourse.
But of course, in a man, the penis is the pleasure-provider. And clearly a penis gets a lot of stimulation during intercourse.

About 10% of women have never had an orgasm -- either with a partner or
during masturbation. And quite a few of them have found their
way into my therapy practice. That's when I tell these women the good news: It
is possible to learn to be orgasmic.

The first and most important lesson is to practice developing a balance of
tension and relaxation during sexual activity. But, my women clients ask, how
can they be both tense and relaxed at the same time? It's a good question, and
here is my two-part answer:

How to Have an Orgasm Step 1: Tense Up

The type of tension that helps women reach orgasm is muscle tension
(myotonia). Many women have the mistaken impression that they should relax and
"just lie there" because they've heard that relaxation during sex is
important. But it turns out that muscle tension is often necessary for an
orgasm. In my experience, the majority of women learn to have their first
orgasm by incorporating a fair amount of leg, abdominal, and buttock
tension.

Not surprisingly, women report that the most orgasm-inducing muscle
contractions are in their lower pelvis. These are the same muscles you squeeze
to stop the flow of urine midstream (a conscious contraction of this group is
called a Kegel exercise).

What is the connection between tensing muscle groups and having an orgasm?
Arousal. Contracting (or tensing) certain muscles increases blood flow
throughout the body and often to the genital area. And arousal, of course, is
the road map that helps lead most women to orgasm.

How to Have an Orgasm Step 2: Wind Down

So, where's the relaxation part of this equation? In the brain. During sex,
a woman should be focused simply on feeling the sensations of the
stimulation.

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Maneno ya kufikiri

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
7.
a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology Eros or Cupid.
9. often Love Christianity Charity.
10. Sports A zero score in tennis.
v. loved, loving, loves
1. To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward (a person): We love our parents. I love my friends.
2. To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward (a person).
3. To have an intense emotional attachment to: loves his house.
4.
a. To embrace or caress.
b. To have sexual intercourse with.
5. To like or desire enthusiastically: loves swimming.
6. Theology To have charity for.
7. To thrive on; need: The cactus loves hot, dry air.

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