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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Are You Addicted To Molly?

MTV Wants You!

What do MTV and Madonna both have in common? For starters, neither are remotely relevant to anyone who’s literate and under the age of 29 and both are trying to cash in on Molly. Yep, MTV, the brain trust behind Teen Mom and Jersey Shore is seeking applicants for True Life: I’m addicted to Molly. This development can only mean that MTV has been hiring directly from its own supply of the “people” they film for our voyeuristic (dis)pleasure.

According to a post from their Facebook, MTV’s True Life is looking for people who are paradoxically addicted to EDM’s drug of choice. Which is interesting, considering that the addictive potential of MDMA, colloquially known as Molly, is still widely under scientific debate.

Despite, MTV’s prolific history as a pioneering force in music, it appears that this dinosaur of culture is resorting to literally scrapping the bottom of the proverbial barrel to come up with new freak shows. Honestly, MTV has become a sort of North Korea situation with an increasingly desperate out of touch regime floundering to come up with more flamboyant and grotesque ideas to try draw attention away from the fact that everything they’ve built is really shitty. Except, as opposed to an obese Asian version of Hitler calling the shots, it’s a bunch of graying TV execs bugging out what the actual plan to “reach the kids” will be.

In the sake of fairness, I’ll play ball for a moment. Molly isn’t synonymous with MDMA. It’s explosion in popularity has allowed for people to toss a mix of alphabet soup research chemicals, caffeine, and meth into a bag and peddle it as ‘Molly.’ So to be fair, the Molly that plenty of people are shoveling down their throats and up their noses, probably isn’t MDMA. A better title for this segment would be True Life: I’m an idiot and I’m addicted to a cocktail of meth, BZP, 2c-whatever, Lidocaine, and baking soda. I guess that doesn’t quite have the ring to it that Molly does. Molly is that drug that all the newscasters keep telling us that is killing our kids.

Even by senior-age standards, MTV is late to the punch by about two years. If there’s one way to tell you’re getting old, it’s when Madonna beats you to an idea by almost two years. So I have a new idea for MTV: You wanna know what happens when networks stop being polite and start getting real? The True Real Life World 72 Beijing.