Monday, May 14, 2012

A Prison of One: Another Look

By Larry Drain

A woman came recently to one of our
support groups for the first time. She had never been to one before. More than
anything she talked about isolation. In the midst of family and
"friends" she had never—not once—opened up and talked about the
issues she was struggling with. She talked about the fight to get out of bed.
She talked about the pain of being alone in a crowd. She talked about the pool
at her apartments and how she watched people go and wished she could go to. And
she talked about how often she wanted to die.

She was alive because she thought
her death might inconvenience other people. She talked about trying to find a
month when no one had a birthday or there wasn’t a holiday or a special event.
She didn’t want to make something good into something bad. She was thoughtful
to the max, but didn’t think she was worth a thought.

She talked. Then she cried. Then she
talked some more. I think she really surprised herself with how much she had to
talk about. It is hard to have faith in yourself if no one around you has. It
is hard to treat yourself as important if no one else does. Isolation isn’t
always about how many people are around. Sometimes it’s about how you are
around people.

We told her how she deserved more
and how she was worth more and how much courage she had. She is not used to
good news and although I think she liked what she heard I think it made her
uncomfortable. She is sadly comfortable in the theater and feels awkward at the
thought of being part of the movie.

I hope she comes back. I think she
might. She at least said so. Mental illness for her has meant being alone.
Always. She was married for a long time, but even then was alone. She talked
about her husband for a while. "You know," she said, "We were
together for years. I never even knew how much he made...."

Chronic isolation is a form of death
before dying. For too many with mental health issues it is a death too easily
found. Remember God gave us hands for reaching out to others. Say "hello"
to someone today.

Larry Drain runs a blog for mental
health recovery that can be found here: http://hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com/