Today I started a course about growing your Instagram. It is not only about achieving a high number of followers but it is about recognizing that the followers are people and represent a community. The best Influemcers offer a service to their audience. So today I started to get to know my followers by following them back and writing to them.

I am not sure what I want to do on Instagram. My nature is inclined for making unfinished „doodles“, experiments, scratching the surface, going over boundaries (I want nudity, skin tones, skin pictures people, babies on my Instagram).

I will install all the mobile lightroom presets that were included in the course. I need 12 Commandments for my Instagram. How many feeds per day at what time? Will I do a daily swipe up (call for action). I want zentangle on there. I want bullet journaling on there. I want to sell printables for Goodnotes.

What would my Instagram 12 Commandments look like:

a. Post max one picture a day?

b. Always skin or pink on it. Or flowers.

c. One emotion, one nude, one collage, one doodle. One. quote.

d. Broken hearts, broken people.

e. Faces.

f. What camera?

g. What story?

Make mistakes people. I want to encourage everyone to plant one tree this year. Be kind. Kiss at least one person today. Hug and feel thd emotions.

I have been obessing about Minimalism for a while. I love the idea of clean rooms and instagramworthy capsule wardrobes. I used to buy things when I needed them. It was a very impulsive way to consume stuff. Shopping is a big addiction for me. Finally after years of budgeting we are getting closer to „zero spend“ days. For us buying 50 EUR worth of food per day seems like a big step in the right direction. We are still trying to stay close to that number and it prevents us from overspending.

I have recently been able to stop myself when wanting to buy any version of an app. I was able to recognize the impulse and stop myself and delete the app rather than upgrading to the paid version of it. Of course, often I fail. I still buy stuff and still make mistakes.

Recently I signed up for two online courses (I know) . One is on Daily OM and is called „A Year to Clear What is Holding You Back!“. I don‘t like it very much. The most useful tip was a breathing exercise in which one could think of areas of overwhelm to declutter. These can be both physical (real) or in our minds.

In my mind I am a bit worried for my kids concerning areas of anxiety. I am particularly anxious about climate change and what consumerism is doing to our resources and the planet, the destruction of nature is of major concern to me and I will need to be more active to do something about it.

While I was writing this somebody bought my Cervelo bike. I think this was a great coincidence that while I am writing about outer order the bike problem was taken off my shoulders. The course says that decluttering should start with intention, be followed by action and be done with non-identification and compassion. I will try to ease into the clearing of my addiction to stuff. 2019 will be the year of meditation and letting go.

The second course I am doing is Gretchen Rubin’s „Happiness Project Experience“!course. So far I have been enjoying the app which is called „Better“. In this app there is a community of likeminded people who are striving for happiness. In the course you go through a lot of worksheets and exercises to discover what the real you wants. One exercise is to find who you envy. I found out that I envy famous podcast hosts and bloggers and online entrepreneurs and writers. I also enjoy teaching which is something I get to do with my kids. But now I am starting the blog to see where this will take me.

My back pain is telling me to work on stretching and my posture which I am becoming quite good at.

I will try to track my different habits.

Gretchen Rubin is going to publish a book called „Outer Order, Inner Calm“ soon. The book release is in March 2019.

I will write free flow. I don’t know why Ela is not replying. I put a lot of effort into writing her and she is looking for new pen pals. Maybe I should do the same. The question in the Gretchen Rubin podcast is getting to know myself better. What do I like doing? What don’t I like doing? Sometimes it is hard to understand what I like to do I will try to think of things that maybe I can’t do now while the children are small:

a, reading

b. listening to podcasts

c. doing my own blogging, artwork, listening to podcasts

d. going to therapy except that it costs money

e. training with Jan except that it costs money.

f. running and being coached

g. reaching out to people.

What fascinated me so much about my mentors?

That they simply did it. They made a podcast. I would like to do the same.

I was struggling with a lot of trauma in my life. When I was 30 years old I separated from the father of my two children. I was living in Italy and faced a child abduction trial. The legal proceedings went on for over 10 years. In the process of trying to survive the turmoil I became stressed and faced health and issues like panic attacks and tinnitus. My anxiety went through the roof. I was lucky to find help. Through therapy and research I was able to better understand the implications of the stress on my body and mind. I started to read about health on the internet and change my diet. I became vegan. I trained for a marathon.

I am starting this blog to share the knowledge I have learned by living through a lot of pain and difficulties. I would like to write about the podcasts I listened to and the experiences I made. I think I am a co-dependent who has invested a lot in her physical body to remain fit and healthy. I may not yet have fully addressed my mental health to justify writing about anything other than my journey.

I met people who have helped me take steps (baby steps) to living a fuller and happier life. I am grateful to all the people who have helped and inspired me. To all the broken hearts, people from dysfunctional families, facing heartbreak and fear. To all of you. All of us. I dedicate this blog.

I am ready and I am both student and teacher. I continue to learn all the time. I am now happily married and through meditation and journaling I am getting closer to being the happy and fulfilled person I was meant to be.

I will leave behind the people that have not recognized my worth. I was deeply hurt last year and I am going to overcome the feelings of shame and guilt associated with this. I had people helping me and then stabbing my back, I have removed everyone from my life who was not good for me. Setting boundaries and recognizing my worth have been important lessons in 2018.

I am doing the Happiness course by Gretchen Rubin. This is to help me reflect on my life and set new goals to increase my happiness and enjoyment. I have made a few changes this year. I try to meditate daily. I have stopped playing guitar daily. I am starting to share my journey on Instagram. I think this is making me partly happy and partly it is causing a craving to be seen. Maybe this is an inherent part of me. I think I have this wish to be seen even if I write to my friends or pen pals. I comment on other people’s posts on the Better App. This is the app used by Gretchen Rubin for her community.

I think Gretchen‘s approach to blogging about her journey to happiness is wonderful. I have been on a journey to understand who I am and what I am meant to do. One thing I have learnt from the Happiness Project course is that I like connecting with other people. So if you are reading these lines please let me know who you are in the comments below.

Recently the question has come up whether I should be aiming for online or offline connections. I really like connecting online. I like the simplicity of making friends without putting in a lot of time or effort. I get so much from my online friends.