Sunday, September 28, 2014

Driven Away

The day was rare: deep blue heavens with an occasional fleecy
cloud drifting on the breeze. For once Wuhan was not shrouded in dust or smog,
or hunkering under an oppressive gunmetal sky that blocked out the sun. So fine
was this day that I ventured out to a well frequented shopping center a ways
from my usual haunts. I felt whimsical in my capris and Minnie Mouse tee-shirt,
a souvenir from my trip to Disney Land with my family. In fact, so fine was the
day that, after a bit of shopping and lunch, I treated myself to an ice cream
cone.

Here I am, walking to the bus stop and enjoying my cone when
I spy two foreigners with that 'new to Wuhan' look, contemplating the barbeque
on some food vendor's cart. The taller one glanced my way and smiled.

Wouldn't you smile at a tall, curly-headed drink of water in
a Minnie Mouse shirt, eating an ice cream cone on such a beautiful day?

I smiled back and reflected on my first year here, when I was
new to Wuhan and everything wasexotic,
enticing, exhilarating and a bit terrifying. I felt so alone and isolated back
then. No matter how many foreigners I saw, none would make eye contact with me,
let alone smile. Those newbies at the vendor stand that glorious day, having
yet to discover everything this city has to offer, perhaps anticipating the
experience of a lifetime or maybe so homesick and wondering why they came here
at all... they reminded me all of those feelings.

On the bus, I got to thinking: as hard as my first year in
Wuhan was, I stuck it out. Makes me wonder... what could/would have driven me
away?

Culture shock? Heavens no! I came here because of my deep
love of China and her culture. I couldn't wait to plunge into everything China
in general and Wuhan specifically had to offer. I daresay that, when I went
back to the states after my first year here, that is when I experienced culture
shock.

Loneliness? That was a tough hurdle. But then, I was alone in
the states, too. One of the reasons I wanted to live in China is because the
Chinese are so very social, a facet that my life thus far had lacked. Not that
I didn't have friends in America, but I had kept them at arm's length out of
long habit: why form deep friendships if I were just going to break those bonds
in a few years because of my father/step father's military assignments? That
became my way of life.

The warmth and kindness shown to me since my first day in
Wuhan, especially by my students, my colleagues, and Sam and his family taught
me how to open up to people, and not lock myself away. I was frightened at
giving up my ways – hiding from friendship and feelings, but my gentle and
patient teachers finally opened my heart. I'm still here, largely thanks to
them and to my friends and family in the states. Were it not for their support,
for them sitting at thecomputer for
video chats, for their frquent emails, I believe I might have tucked my tail
and scurried back to whence I came. I can't thank them enough.

Isolation? I was – and still am the lone foreigner in my neck
of Wuhan. That neck is far removed from any excitement hubs. Just to shop at a
department store involves an hour-long bus ride (or bike ride, now that I'm
riding). It took me so long to learn my way around and to find stores that sell
products I like. There was a lot of hit and miss in those early days, trying to
figure out what food labels described because I didn't even know rudimentary
Chinese. Learning the city while feeling physically terrible, as I did back
then was a challenge. I overcame it and I'm still here.

Basic/brutal living conditions? The first winter I was here I
thought I'd never get warm again. During that time I cursed myself vehemently
forhaving given up my comfortable life
in the states. But I always came back to my fundamental desire of living a bare
bones existence – having only what I needed. And I had everything I needed. I
had to learn to adapt to less comfort. All in all, it wasn't that hard.

Work? For months before coming here I had stress nightmares
of being the planet's worst teacher. I don't think I was quite that bad but
taking this job certainly showed me that I had a lot to learn. For the first 2
years, I had migraines before every class and worried about what to do with my
students each session. I'm so fortunate that I only teach Oral English and have
no textbooks or curriculum to follow. These days I appreciate the leeway I have
in my classes but back then, inexperienced as I was and having no guidance or
materials, I stressed over lesson plans and my effectiveness as a teacher.
Sincerity carries a lot of weight in China and my students knew I was
floundering. The fact that I didn't hide behind arrogance made all the
difference. That, and their kindness. Especially their kindness.

Health issues? Heavens knows I've suffered my share of them
since I've been here. I developed a violent allergy to all fruits and
vegetables, and the dust doesn't help my breathing. I started having dizzy
spells and fell down quite a few times. Once I even bashed my head open (see
'The Things I do for Research, posted Oct 2012). Lack of energy, stomach woes,
racing heart and poor breathing, excessive weight gain because I simply had no
desire to exercise and keep fit. At one point I thought that, if this were to
be my life, I'd just as soon not live. In all, I felt punk to downright bad for
about 3 years. I'm much better now, and I'm still here.

Some of my friends say: if those amorous rats, crawling on my
legs while I slept were a permanent condition, I might have packed my bags (See
The Rat Party entry, posted September 2011). To be perfectly honest, the rats
promenading in my rooms were my fault. I did not clean my apartment upon my
return from the states because I was due to move, nor did I set any traps when
I saw evidence of rodents. I didn't even tell Sam I had such troubles until the
trouble became immediate.

This school goes above and beyond to ensure my comfort and
safety. If I so much as hint that I'm having difficulties, everyone from the
campus CEO to our department dean, and the head engineer do everything they can
to abate any issue I might have. When I postulated that my breathing
difficulties were due to ever incroaching mold in the dank, sunless apartment I
occupied they first year I was here, Dean Tu had maintenance scraping my walls
and repainting the very next day. Upon moving into my brand new apartment the
second year I was here, I got new furniture.

Perhaps still living in the girls' dorm building, on the
ground floor where no sunshine kissed so much as a window sill? Where students
felt no compunction at sliding my windows open and peering inside my home,
regardless of what I might be doing... including getting dressed after a
shower? I have to admit: that aspect of living there was decidedly unpleasant,
but I don't think it would have caused me to leave. That dwelling was what I
made of it. I didn't make much of it, seeing as I was feeling so poorly. One
thing I did do was block my windows so that they could not be slid open. I was
out of luck on those days when the weather permitted open windows, though.

Health scares, loneliness, professional incompetence,
brutally hot summers and bone chilling winters: I suffered through them all and
I'm still here, and still loving it.

Riding across campus towards home on another spectacular
afternoon, I hear the rousing music thatthe freshmen learn to march to for their military training graduation
ceremony next week. I will take my place on the dais with other school
dignitaries to witness them passing in review, just as I have every year since
I've been here. I find myself looking forward to that honor, with all its pomp
and circumstance, and to the year ahead.