In one of my latest writings, I came up with several new definitions of what it means to be a single servant of the true and living God. S_____ IN G_____ L_____ E_____... And, since we're only one week from Single Awareness Day (a/k/a Valentines Day) let’s take a look at some of these new definitions over the next few days:

Situated IN God’s Learning Experience – Matthew 11:28-30We often learn lessons and then just want to take off and run with the lessons, which is what I did after Pray While You’re Prey. But not long after, I felt empty again. I submit that I was so focused on fixing other people that I didn’t take the time to find rest for my soul. I was just looking to make some sort of restitution for my past sins, so that God could bless me with the love of my life. Instead, I should have taken the time to rest in Him and be sure that I was ready for a new relationship. Now, I am relearning some of the same lessons, but this time my focus isn’t on finding a new man; it is on sustaining my relationship with Christ and trusting in God’s plan for me. He has me in this place for a reason, which leads to the next definition.Standing still IN Great and Limitless Expectation – Psalm 46:10One of the hardest things for any human being to do is waiting. Now, if you magnify how hard it is for normal people by about one million, you get how hard it is for me. “Be still and know that I am God…” Sometimes, I read that and think, Has God met me? I mean, He created me, so He knows how hard it is for me to sit still and not try to make things happen. But, here’s the cool thing about God, He gives me the chance to let Him handle it and then, He puts in a situation where I have no choice, but to let Him handle it. I don’t mean that He takes away my free will, but God has a way of making it abundantly clear that if I want things to work out in the best way possible that I have to let Him do His job. And, I have come to learn --usually the hard way --that God always exceeds my expectations when I stop limiting Him to what I want and submit to His will for my life. Ms. EV

I spent three years in law school and three years practicing law. It was a career that I wanted form the time I was a little girl, but after a year and a half of school I fell out of love with the idea of becoming an attorney. Choosing not to be a quitter (and to not have to pay back my grant for law school), I finished and I begrudgingly practiced family law to make money and entertainment law for fun…and to make money. Do you know why attorneys make so much money? In school and in practice, I learned that it is because attorneys specialize in the fine print.You know what the fine print is. It is the teeny tiny words at the bottom of a contract, agreement, article, prescription; the words that look so little, but say so much. It is the part at the end of the commercials that gets read in a low voice and super fast. I was reminded of these little words, these caveats if you will, during my pastor’s sermon on Sunday when he talked about the side effects listed on medication. “Sure,” he said, “the medication might cure one problem, but it could bring on a ton more!” (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist). Most of us ignore the fine print because we are so focused on the thing that we want. Whether it is health, housing, a husband or a host of other things we are begging God for, we often forget that just because something seems good doesn’t mean that everything about it is good. We don’t see the potential harmful effects. We don’t see the things that are not guaranteed. We just see what we want.As I am sure my clients were about my ability to read the fine print, I am so glad that God realizes that we fail to read the fine print sometimes. Knowing this, helps me to accept when God says, “No” or “Wait.” I am going to be honest, I said accept, not like because I want what I want when I want it. Nevertheless, doing things my way is how I ended up being a 23-year-old divorcee, so that experience alone should have taught me about reading the fine print. But, alas, it did not. And, I have made some questionable choices since then by only looking at what I want and not paying attention to warnings to go another way.Now, all of this is not to say that you or I should not pursue our passions and dreams. Still, we must be careful. Yes, we trust God to take care of us, but aren’t you tired of God having to dig you out of a hole that you jumped into on your own? All I am saying is that we should take the time to go to God and ask Him to illuminate those things that we cannot see, or those things that we are choosing to ignore. God allows us free will, so if we want to jump head first into something, He will allow it to happen. If you are waiting on God to move in your life though, and you feel like He is saying “No” or “Wait,” chances are there is some fine print that you have not read. If you ask Him, He will show you what you are ready to see. I know it is difficult. In this day and age, everything seems to be so time-sensitive. However, there is no timing like God’s timing. And, the Father of Time does not work on the same timetables that we envision. So, take a little time to read the fine print. See the whole picture and not just the parts that you think will benefit you in the end. Ms. EV

Have you ever wondered what God sounds like? We definitely can communicate with Him, but sometimes, I admit, that I do too much talking and not enough listening. When I do try to be still, be quiet, and listen, my head often gets clouded with my own thoughts. Sometimes I find it difficult to determine which thoughts are my own, random ones and which are God speaking something into my heart.

Because God created me, He knows what I voices will break through and make me sure that He is speaking. And, I would venture to say that it is the same for you. When I was younger, and I was about to make a bad decision, I would hear my dad's voice telling me not to do whatever I was contemplating doing. You have to understand that my father has a booming and beautiful voice. He speaks with authority; we call him Mufasa. His voice calls for a reverent fear, so when I heard that voice in my head or in real life, it gave me pause about whatever situation was brewing. I am not saying that I always listened, but I could distinctly tell that God was trying to get my attention.As I have gotten older though, God has used my love for music to speak to me. One day, after hearing a couple of my songs, my mom said, "How do you come up with these?" I said, "Well, sometimes I am sitting around and words pop into my head, so I write them down, put them in a rhyme scheme, and then, the melodies kind of appear. Other times, I have a melody in my head, so, now that I have a guitar, I pluck out the melody and keep playing it until the words start forming." Either way, it is a very therapeutic exercise. The latter way happened with Worth Dying For and it happened again a couple of weeks ago.

I was sitting in my house and a melody was stuck in my head. At first, I thought it was a song I had heard, so I was trying to figure out what song it was, which can be a frustrating process. I got a message from a friend asking me how my music was going and I told her that I was at a stand still and was not really sure what to do. Then, the melody kept playing in my head, so I turned the television off and picked up my guitar. I strummed the chords over and over and just hummed until I felt this amazing peace in my spirit. And suddenly the humming turned into words, "'Cause, as far as I know, this is how it's supposed to be...This is where I'm supposed to be... ." I sent a message back to my friend letting her know that God had asnwered the question with a song. An amazing song, that, in His timing, I will record and perform, or that will just serve as a reminder for me when I have questions about my life.And, to top it off, as I sit this week and was beginning to feel the blues about another area of my life that seems to be in a holding pattern, God showed me this in His Word: "And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life" (1 Corinthians 7:17 MSG, emphasis added). So then, all I could do was sing:I'm not going to cryNo more tears falling from my eyesAnd I'll tell you why'Cause as far as I know this is how it's supposed to beI'm not going to sighNo more complaints from meAnd I'll tell you why'Cause as far as I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be...God still speaks. He speaks to the quiet places that no one knows about but you and Him. Allow Him to calm your mind, and settle your spirit, and give you peace that passes all understanding. Yes, we make mistakes, but God does not, so if you feel like you are in a holding pattern, perhaps God has you exactly where He needs you to be. If things have suddenly been shaken up in your life, consider that it is because God has you right where you're supposed to be. Ask Him. He will answer. Ms. EV

Growing up with siblings, it is inevitable that at some point, one or more siblings will have what one or more other siblings want. The items can be anything from toys to candy to clothes to money. Now, if you are the sibling who wants the commodity, you face the dreaded task of having to bargain with your sibling for said commodity. You know the drill, “I’ll do your chores for a week,” “I won’t bother you while you’re on the phone with your friends,” or “I won’t tell mom and dad that you were…when they thought you were…;” seems like it’s all about leverage with siblings. But, sometimes you have nothing with which to barter, and you are just hoping that your sibling will let you have or borrow whatever it is that you need. If you are the sibling with the hot commodity, you are in a fantastic situation. You can choose the payoff for the prized item. And, if there are multiple items from which to choose, you get to pick which one to let your sibling have or borrow. So, in this scenario, if the sibling receiving the item would prefer to have a different item, but has no leverage, the phrase, “Beggars can’t be choosers,” is often used. What this means is that, because one is in a needy position, he or she should be content with whatever item is acquired. After all, he or she is the one in need with nothing to offer in return. How then does someone with nothing to offer have the audacity to make demands about a loan or a gift? Having been in this situation with family members, friends, and students, I understand what it is like to offer assistance to someone who is in need only to have them tell me that they want something more or different. So, I get why people use this phrase in certain contexts. However, this idiom should never be used toward or by someone who is waiting on God for a blessing. It occurs to me, as I expand my visibility in the dating world, that I have a very specific “someone” for whom I am waiting. If you pinned me down, I could make a list, but honestly, I just know if someone will be a good fit for my quirks. I actually am glad that I have a lot of idiosyncrasies. It narrows down the amount of people I have to wade through to get to the right one. I am beginning to think that there may actually only be one person who can fit the mold. And, that is fine by me because: a) I only need one person to fit the mold; and b) I will know that this person is sent by God because it is really difficult to be the person I desire to have in my life. I am 34 years old. I am divorced and I have no children and a ticking biological bomb (yes, I meant to say bomb and not clock). I would love to have someone with whom I could go to dinner or cuddle on the couch or go to karaoke or sporting events. But I am not a beggar, and therefore, I can be a chooser. I once was a beggar. I was a desperate girl who just wanted to be in a relationship, so I compromised. I compromised who I was, what I wanted in life, what I deserved and what I believed in on more than one occasion for the sake of not being alone. But, at this point in my life, I have been alone for so long, that it would just seem silly to start making compromises now. I hear this all the time, “I’m not saying lower your standards; I’m just saying be more open. You never know where love will come from.” Um, actually, I do know where love comes from; it comes from God. He is the same God that I talk to all day every day; the same God that knows me inside and out and know that I am weird--er, um unique. God knows exactly what I want and what I need. I don’t think I hear Him saying, “Girl, sending you a man that fulfills all of your desires is just too hard for Me. Can you ease up a bit?” Rather, I think God is saying, “I made you who you are and I know you. You will know who to choose because you will know that I sent him because he will be the perfect one for you.” My best friend says, “Every pot has its lid.” And, I cannot help but think of my parents, who have been together for thirty-nine years. They are so different from each other, but they understand each other’s quirks and they are each other’s best friend. They don’t try to change each other. Okay, well my dad tries to get my mom to try weird food, but he would never leave her because she is not like him and vice versa. I am not a beggar, and beloved of God, neither are you. So, wait for what you want. Being a chooser does not make you uppity, suddity, bourgeois, or ungrateful. It makes you a human being who knows what he or she wants and trusts God to deliver on His promises. Now, run and tell that! Ms. EV

Back in the day, before it skipped five years and got weird, I watched the show Desperate Housewives. It followed the paths of four friends who lived on the same street and were all experiencing varying degrees of marital dysfunction. It, and many other shows like it, portrays issues that might cause one to consider never getting married; they make the institutions of marriage and family seem like some cruel joke. I know that each family faces its own set of difficulties, but it does not stop me from wanting a family of my own.

One morning on the radio, the topic of the day was, “When I graduated from high school, I thought I would be a _____________, but I ended up being a ___________.” So, of course, I talked back to the radio. When I graduated from high school I thought I would be a high-powered attorney, wife and mother to three or four children, but I ended up being a divorced high school teacher with a very spoiled cat. The good news is that I have recently discovered that, despite my life not being how I envisioned that it would be, I am no longer desperately seeking the things that are out of my control. There was a time when I wanted a husband and children so badly that I married the wrong person because I feared he would be the last one to ever ask. There was a time when I was willing to compromise my morals and do what I knew was wrong in the sight of God just to feel loved because I felt I had to give in to temptation to keep a man in my life. There was a time when I was willing to look past what I desire in a mate for the sake of going on a date because I did not know if I would ever date again.

But now, I am so filled with Love from the inside that the desperation has dissipated. I am willing to wait for the person that I have asked God to provide for me. I am willing to live alone, sleep alone, and eat alone because I know that God has me right where I need to be. I also know from reading the Bible that God never refused to provide, for people who followed His Word, after a famine was over. Does it hurt some nights? Absolutely; it hurts some days, too, but I know my role in how I got where I am, so I know it could be much worse and I praise God for His mercy. Desperation can lead to life-changing decisions, and not in a good way. It can lead to infidelity, violence, promiscuity. It can lead to behaviors that have hazardous results. Desperate is not cute on a woman (or a man). The only thing any of us should be desperate for is more of God; more time in His presence and more intimacy with Him. Ms. EV

I am writing this for me, and I pray that it inspires someone else. I used to say that I am not good at waiting, in fact, I am sure that I have said it on this blog at least once, but I read Psalm 62:5 today and it gave me a different perspective. In The Message, it reads, “God, the one and only—I'll wait as long as He says. Everything I hope for comes from Him, so why not?” I guess in the past few years I have adopted this attitude. It is not that I am not good at waiting because I am most definitely waiting on God; it is that waiting is not easy. There is a song that says, “I don’t mind waiting on You, Lord,” and every time our minister of music wants us to sing it, I tell him I don’t feel comfortable saying that because I am not sure that I don’t mind waiting. I know that I will wait, but I am a human being, and sometimes waiting for things that do not seem to go against the Will of God is difficult.

But, this psalm says that everything we hope for comes from God, so why not wait for as long as He says. If I go out and get the relationship I want, but it does not come from God, will it sustain? Will it be satisfying? If I try to force my career path in a direction that seems to be what I want, but it is not in God’s timing, will it be frustrating? Will it be fulfilling? I do not know the answers to these questions, but I know that whatever God gives me, He adds no sorrow to it (Proverbs 10:22). So, if I wait on God, who is the Source of everything I could hope for and so much more, I will have exactly what I want and need, and I will not have to question whether it is right or whether the time is right. Even though waiting is not ideal in our fast-paced, instant-gratification society, waiting on God is so worth it. Ms. EV

Now, that I have your attention. It is not what you think, so stop judging. I didn’t secretly get married, I don’t have a baby daddy and I didn’t get artificially inseminated. It is an immaculate conception of sorts; a great expectation. Within me, there is a dream. And the longer it takes for that dream to be realized, the larger my expectations become. I have become enlarged in waiting. Though, the devil would like to use this waiting to attack my relationship with God, His love for me and mine for Him, our relationship is not diminished by the wait. In fact, our relationship grows deeper due to the wait. I cannot see what God has planned for my life, but my hope is in Him.

Like a mother waiting to give birth, I have good days and bad days. Some days, I feel beautiful and glowing and some days, I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person in front of me. Some days, I see the dream within as an awesome miracle, and some days, I feel that this dream within is a burden that I’m not sure I can bear. Some days, I have incredible energy and some days, I feel like I can’t go on any longer. Nevertheless, with each day that passes, though my flesh may break down, my spirit becomes stronger. My faith is stronger. My love for God is stronger. I can’t see what He is doing, but I know that He is in control and I just want to be used by Him. And, when the day of deliverance comes, my waiting will only increase my joy. Ms. EV

These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Romans 8:23-25 (MSG)

It is not a secret that waiting is not something that I am particularly fond of doing. Yet, I do wait. I know what it is like to take matters into my own hands and try to “help God” when it seems like He’s taking too long to give me what I want. In my life, the results were disastrous, a failed marriage riddled with infidelity and cruelty, and those things were not one-sided. I made a choice to move forward with my plan of marriage to the person I assumed would be the last person to ever ask me for my hand. Surely, God’s will was that I not be alone and that I marry rather than burn with lustful desires. Surely, God wanted me to be someone’s help meet. But, what was taking Him so long? I had already graduated from college and started working towards my career goals. Pretty soon, I would be old, unwanted and barren. After all, I was 21. Yes, you read that right. I was 21 and I felt like I was destined for spinsterhood if I did not marry immediately. I had only had two real boyfriends and they were hard to come by, so the chances of having someone else love me enough to marry me were slim to none. I imagine that this is what Sarah felt like when she decided to have Abraham bear a child with Hagar. She knew the promise, but felt like God needed her help to make it happen.

As I write it, it seems so ridiculous; especially, now that I am 34 and divorced with no children. Now, would be the time for the “you’re never going to have kids” panic attack. And, I’m not going to lie and say I don’t get those on occasion. Nonetheless, God has been so faithful in fulfilling His promises in my life, and, as I have grown in Him, I have come to realize that the best thing to do is wait on Him. Everything God does is purposeful, in His timing and for my own good. He is also so merciful, that everything I do to “try to help” is turned into a blessing, just like He did for Sarah and Hagar. In the case of my failed marriage, it serves as a reminder to wait on God no matter how hard that can be. The situation also drew me closer to God into the most intimate and fulfilling relationship I will ever have. So, now I’m cured! I don’t want a husband or kids! NOT! I still have those desires, which lets me know that in His time, they will be fulfilled because He promised to give me the desires of my heart, IF I delight myself in Him (Psalm 37:4) and to add all the treasures I need to my life, IF I seek His Kingdom first (Matthew 6:33-34). So, I am waiting on Him. I have good, patient days and I have rough, flesh-battling days, but the former outnumber the latter, which is a blessing. I’m trusting in God because He has my best in mind. Ms. EV

Have you ever noticed that some of the smartest people in the world have n o common sense? My honors students would flat out tell me that sometimes. And, I know that when I was younger, although book smarts came to me easily, street smarts were not my forte. I was very naïve and somewhat gullible, but I could make honor roll, so I figured that I would be alright in this world. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that it doesn’t matter if you get degree after degree from and Ivy League school or the school of hard knocks, true wisdom does not come from books or experience. Please do not misinterpret what I am saying because there is no one more pro-education than I am. I am a teacher and I continued my education until I reached my goal of obtaining a law degree. But, more than anything you learn in school, at work, or at home, our lives are shaped by the lessons we learn. And, all of the education in the world cannot prevent us from acting like fools. Sadly, as beneficial as an education can be, some people educate themselves out of believing in God. Whether, you are a really book smart person who lacks some common sense or you possess common sense, but not a lot of education or expertise, thank God for the great equalizer: wisdom. Wisdom is not common sense; wisdom is God-sense. Wisdom doesn’t come from degrees or experience; wisdom comes from knowing, understanding and reverently fearing the Lord. When God asked Solomon to make any request, Solomon asked for wisdom to rule the people. Because of this unselfish request, God blessed Solomon with everything that he would ever need. Solomon was known as a great ruler and a fair judge all over the world, unfortunately, while he used his wisdom to help others, he did not use wisdom in staying faithful to God. Perhaps, that is why some of Ecclesiastes seems so depressing. I know that in my life, when I have realized that I was operating out of what made sense to me rather than seeking God’s wisdom, those realizations carried daunting and depressing weight. If we will always seek God’s wisdom, we will never be led astray. When we do not know what we should do, there is no harm in waiting on an answer from God; there is no harm in the desire to act with His wisdom. How can the Father of time run out of time? He will never run out of time or knowledge, yet we sometimes try to box God into the limits of our time and knowledge. We will never be smarter than God. However, no matter what level of education, experience, or common sense we have, if we seek after the wisdom of God, our lives can be lived on a whole other level. Ms. EV

The other day, I had a marvelous time with one of my dearest friends. She wants me to get married almost as much, if not more, than I do. So, I was sharing with her some of the issues that I have been having and some of my future plans to kickstart my social life. As our discussion went on, I talked to her about two different old flames who I have had contact with in recent months and one person with whom someone tried to play matchmaker. My friend, who has no problem telling me when she thinks that I am wrong (those are the best kinds of friends), did not quite understand why I was not open to some of the options for interaction that had been proposed to me. And, her inquisition caused me to express this position, “I am saying ‘no’ now to avoid saying ‘yes’ later.” Whenever someone hears that it has been six years since I have been on a real date, they are utterly shocked. I mean, I am gorgeous, intelligent, talented, knowledgeable about sports, and, of course, humble. (That was a joke; stay with me). But honestly, I do believe that I am quite the choice catch for the right suitor. I think that all single people should believe that about themselves. If you do not think you will make a great mate, then perhaps, you have no business going out on dates. But, Ms. EV, isn’t dating just for fun? Maybe for you it is, but I want to get married. So, when I date, it has a purpose that goes beyond companionship or the need for a free meal or movie. I have learned, with God’s help, how to have fun with me because if I cannot have fun with me, then how could I expect someone else to? When I date, it is because I see that the person has the potential to be my forever guy. He fits the general mold and I will accept a date with him to find out if he fits the nooks and crannies. Where am I going with this? Well, it’s not that I have not been asked on a date in six years. Though the requests are few and far between, there have been requests for my company. And, I should clarify that I was in a relationship for two of those six years, and pining for that relationship for at least another year after the break up, so it has really been three years that I have been open to a relationship. So, why not say ‘yes’ to every person that asks to take me out and weed through the good, the bad and the ugly? Again, that might work for other people, but I know myself. When I went on my last first date six years ago, I was attracted to my ex (or I would not have gone out with him), but, at dinner, I did not really see how the relationship could work because he lived in another state and worked in another country for half of the year. But, he seemed to be so into me that I could not help but agree to meet up again before he left town. The only problem is that he didn’t call when he said he would (if you know me, you know that this seriously irks me), so I was confused. When he did call, I should have said what I had told other people for years, “Not calling when you say you are going to call is a deal breaker.” Instead, I took the call, got charmed all over again, and agreed to explore what could develop between us. I cannot tell you how many times in that relationship I did not get a phone call that I was told was coming or a visit that I was promised, which is why we broke up. And, during that time, I had eyes for no other person, so I have no idea how many opportunities I missed to be with someone who could have been my soulmate. So, now here I am with some opportunities to date or hang out with people that I know do not qualify for marriage according to my standards (which are mine and I am entitled to them, so don’t tell me I am too picky). Why say 'no' when there might be potential there or why not just go for practice, so I know how to date other guys? Here’s why, and this strictly applies to me. I know that if I go out with someone and he treats me well and wants a future with me, I am prone to settling. Sure, I may not be willing to settle on the first date, but as time goes on, I may find the gentleman to be truly endearing and agree to a serious relationship, although not really the person with whom I envision a relationship. Every serious relationship I have been in has followed this pattern, including my marriage. And, I have heard that doing the same thing and expecting different results is what causes insanity. So, now, I have chosen to say ‘no thanks’ when someone has a trait that I know I will not appreciate in the long term (I may even become resentful about the trait--I am a work in progress) to avoid settling and saying ‘yes’ to a relationship with that person later out of the sense or need to be in a relationship. God knows what I want in a relationship and what I need. Each of us has our own individual journey. You may be capable of going on a date and then cutting that person out of your life if they are not your match (I wish I had that ability), but have some other issue that you need to take to God. Maybe it is not a date you need to say ‘no’ to now to avoid saying ‘yes’ later to something that is not what is best for your life. Maybe you are dealing with a career decision or friendships. Whatever the case may be, we have to know our personal boundaries and limits. We have to work with God to find out what will truly be satisfying for the long term and what will simply fill a temporary ache. I am trusting that when it is time to say ‘yes,’ God through the prompting of the Holy Spirit will give me that wisdom. I look forward to that day, and until then, I will wait for His best. Ms. EV