[Spoilers ahead] After thirteen new episodes of Orange Is the New Black, we know a lot more about the inmates: Why they're in prison, whether they're likely to betray their friends, who is best at standing by her principles, who is still a blast to hang out with. Which means we have all the information we need to rank the women of Litchfield on their ~*BFF*~ potential.

A few notes:

*This ranking only includes characters who've gotten the flashback treatment in either seasons one or two. That leaves out Yoga Jones, Flaca, Leann, and even a more featured player like Big Boo.
*Characters who appeared mainly or exclusively in season one aren't included. That leaves out characters such as Miss Claudette, Janae, Sophia (bummer, because she's an especially good friend), and Alex (nobody would want Alex as a BFF — please).
*The ranking does not include non-prisoners. Sorry, Polly. You are worse than Alex these days, FWIW.

Vee started out the season firmly entrenched in the camp of "Well, she's manipulative, but how bad could she be, really?" Turns out the answer is very. Vee's proven that she's absolutely at ease with the idea of lying, stealing, cheating, or killing, even if the end result doesn't net her much at all. This key exchange with Red says it all:

Strengths: The ability to make you feel like you're special.Weaknesses: The fact that she only makes people feel special as a way to manipulate them. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Bashing in the faces of your enemies; believing you killed someone you never laid hands on. Seriously, the Jedi mind tricks are strong with this one.

She is a figurative and somewhat literal backstabber. She's also Healy's right-hand woman, and no good can come from befriending someone with close ties to a men's rights activist. Strengths: She can fold your laundry for you ... Weaknesses: Teeth-related vanity and the need for almost constant adoration. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Speaking in tongues (probably during a Safe Place meeting)

It's odd (and yet bold) for a show that encourages binge-watching to have a lead character who's best in small doses. After 26 episodes, I understand why Piper is the way she is ... I just don't really want to hang around and watch her be that way. Strengths: Good book collection; overall moxie. Weakness: The belief that she's earned the right to be the boss of you/everyone. Most Likely To Talk You Into: Doing whatever it is that she wants in that given moment.

She offered up one of the most fun moments of season two: a Meredith Brooks sing-a-long. But as an actual day-to-day buddy goes, she's so-so at best. (Couldn't resist; sorry.) Strengths: Convictions. Weaknesses: Inability to shut up about her convictions. Body odor. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Occupying any given street the two of you are on.

She's always cool, even with a broken-off broomstick pointed at her throat. And, like all of us, she spends her fair share of time fantasizing about Jay Z and Beyoncé's sex life. But you can't really count on her. Weaknesses: She'll dump you in a heartbeat if a better, more comfortable situation comes along. Strengths: Sense of humor. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Waiting in a car while she hangs out with someone who's apparently cooler.

She's the leader of the most tight-knit group in Litchfied. And she knows how to cast ~*spells*~. Strengths: Willingness to feed 200 people in 10-minute's notice. Weakness: Gullibility. (She was too quick to trust Vee.) Most Likely to Talk You Into: Eating a penis cookie.

She was a little mopey this season, but that was understandable: She's dealing with some major baby-daddy drama. Overall, she's sweet.Strengths: Excellent artist; you can talk to her about poop, even if she is a little shy about it.Weakness: Men. Why is she so protective of Pornstache? Can someone, anyone, explain that? Most Likely to Talk You Into: Staying with a man who is the worst.

Taystee's knack for making anything fun — even in prison — is one of her greatest strengths. She reads, she cracks amazing jokes, and she's a killer Celebrity player. But her past with Vee weighed her down this season, blinding her to the fact that she has (by prison standards) a nice little life. Also, she was horribly mean to a great and loyal friend, Poussey. Strengths: Killer job interview skills; a working knowledge of the J.K. Rowling oeuvre. Weakness: Her tendency to follow anyone who promises her family, security, and connection.Most Likely to Talk You Into: A night in with Buffalo wings and pizza.

Miss Rosa's struggle with cancer was almost ignorable in Orange Is the New Black's first season. This season, as you've tried to reconcile the dying cancer patient of her present with the freewheeling armed robber of her past, you've been able to see her for who she really is. That person is more than worth 50 percent of a best friends necklace. Strengths: Refusal to care about what you'd like her to be doing. Weakness: Impending death. (Not her fault, but it's going to be sad.) Most Likely to Talk You Into: Pulling off a last-second, pre-death heist. Are you going to turn her down? Didn't think so.

Suzanne is crazy. She just is. But she cares deeply about her people — when she loves you, you have her extra earphone at movie night, her yogurt ration, and her muscle, should you need someone beaten down in showers. Strengths: Craziness. Weaknesses: Craziness. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Letting her take the fall for you. Who needs an alibi when you have a catchy nursery rhyme, right?

When Piper tells her at the end of the season that she was the first person at Litchfield to be kind to her, it's not lip service: Morello's kind to people even when it doesn't count and no one's watching. Strengths: Loyalty and unending compassion. Weakness: A penchant for taking that too far — she can't distinguish truth from reality. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Circling the block to see whether your ex is home. Repeatedly.

Forget whether Larry and Piper will get back together, or whether Vee will take over the contraband network for good. One of the most compelling questions that drove season two was, "Will Red ever get the kitchen back?" She's not perfect, sympathetic, textbook-style kind, but she looks after her own, fiercely and ferociously. Plus, the Golden Girls are her perma-wingmen. Strengths: Fierce, fierce loyalty to her prison "family" ... as long as it suits her. Weaknesses: Long-held grudges. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Smuggling pantyhose, at your own peril.

It's not easy to be both a nun and a relatable character, but somehow, Sister Ingalls pulls it off. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she's supremely patient … up until Soso starts spouting off her Ferris Bueller's Day Off theories. We all have our limits, right? Strengths: Adaptability and unfailing kindness. Weakness: Herneed to be the center of attention. You will never get to stand in the middle when posing for group pictures.Most Likely to Talk You Into: Converting.

Nicky's been through the wringer, both in prison and out. And while she's firmly ensconced as a member of Red's family, she's still willing to love and care about anyone, whether you're as neurotic as Piper or as off the rails as Morello. Plus, she's funny as all hell in a situation that calls for anything but humor. Strengths: An abiding sense of humor and perspective. Weaknesses: Pretty girls and heroin. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Letting her go down on you. (Why not?!) Or recounting the last time you got high in intense, nitty-gritty detail.

Poussey's job this season was a little bit thankless: She was the voice of reason against all the glamour, funfetti cakes, and commissary stabbings Vee had to offer. But she never failed to be there for the people she cared about, no matter how long it took them to appreciate her. Strengths: She knows the right thing to do before you do, and she'll stick with you. Also, she can speak German. Weaknesses: None? Seriously, her resolve to remain uncorrupted, even when it's inconvenient for her, is exemplary. Most Likely to Talk You Into: Doing the right thing. Finally.