Mommy Brigade

Monday, August 8, 2016

Let me just start by saying, I LOVE my boys and I love being a mom. But it can be so hard sometimes.

I think I could sleep for a week and still feel tired.

Most days I just don't feel like there is enough time to get everything done. I know there is, but it's like I'm moving in slow motion.

None of my kids were great sleepers. Rafe was pretty good but Damon and Jag- forget it. Damon woke up every two hours for months. I think he was 9 months old before he slept for a 6 hour stretch. Jag is turning out to be the same way. It doesn't matter what I do, fill them up with food all day and right before bed, cry it out, rock them to sleep, noise makers, fans, soft blankets- nothing seems to keep them asleep. I am finally getting Jag there. But he has been a struggle. And he can just cry and cry and cry and sometimes it works, but it never sticks. Everyone says just be consistent. That didn't work. So I just have accepted my baby is a bad sleeper and we are working on it. I think MOST of the problem is he's been teething, and separation anxiety. This last tooth popped up two days ago and his sleep has been so much better! So I will take the few days or maybe weeks of good sleep until the next tooth. And the serperation anxiety is slowly fading. Thank goodness. You mommas know what it's like to have a baby you can't put down, or leave the room, or nap without being attached to you. It's so exhausting. Especially when you have multiple kids. You just feel like if you can't get 10 minutes to yourself you're going to cry. When I was pregnant with Jag I got sick with cholestasis and on top of all the fear from that I got the worst sinus infection/ bronchitis in my life. I cried everyday just feeling so tired and crappy. Other than that time in my life I haven't cried as much as the last few weeks/month. Just from exhaustion and feeling like I can't have any time to myself. I looked so bad. Like if I was wearing clean sweats and had a shower it was a win. Forget about hair or makeup done. I just couldn't put the baby down long enough and if I did just let him cry I never could feel like, "yes! I got my makeup done and feel better!" It made me feel worse to make him cry.

Anyways, I know I'm rambling. But I used to kind of laugh when moms would talk about this stuff. When I had Damon and rafe I would have a few days here and there like this but for the most part felt like I was on top of things. After jag- whole new ball game. Three kids is no joke. After months of little sleep and a needy baby I am just feeling run down. So I'm trying to make a goal for myself. To spend 10 minutes each day doing something for myself. Paint my toenails. Shave my legs, deep condition my hair- whatever it is. I need to take care of myself so I can feel like my whole entire day is just about my kids. I love them, but I need a minute to myself. It's the whole put your own air ask on before you help others situation.

Being a mom is great. But you are still a living breathing person who has needs. You are everything to everyone else all the time and you need to take care of yourself. Even if it can be hard to find those few minutes a day devoted just to you- do it. Find the time. Leave the dishes. The floor can stay dirty for one more day. I found that my free time was going to cleaning. Nap times were spent scrubbing toilets and folding laundry and all that other garbage. Some days of course, but somedays maybe that's when you find some time for yourself and do something YOU want to do. I thought maybe I was depressed. Like late PPD. But the last few days I have been trying to do this, and have gotten a little better sleep and I feel much better. My mom has been here so it's been a little easier to make some time for myself. She left today so we'll see how easy this is with her gone. Haha but I just think when you're feeling run down, you just need to shut everything out for a little bit and take care of yourself. So that's my new goal! Wish me luck! And if you're feeling run down maybe you should try it too!