New York blends the gift of privacy with the excitement of participation. Here is New York, E.B.White, 1949 [Taschen, "365 Day-by-Day New York Calendar"]

Step 61 - Find Your Lifestyle
As I said in one of my recent posts – the world has changed and the way we live has changed. I honestly think it’s time to reevaluate some ideas and solutions about the life we want to l...

Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come...

Choose Your Own Relationship
I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. An...

What’s The Best Dating Advice?
There are plenty of advisors on the dating scene – there are videos and articles about every aspect of dating, with all these great pieces of advice: “What to do on a date,&rd...

Step 56 - Getting You Off The Hook.
I’ve done some thinking recently and tried to figure out the basic way people come up with an excuse. It’s a broad topic, but I’ve mostly experienced one response from variety o...

Williamsburg Is Over
Summer’s almost here, so I decided to take a walk in Williamsburg, and it just reassured me that… thinks are really over for this neighborhood. I moved to Greenpoint (a sister neighb...

Where is love?
Love has been on my mind recently (and probably has been unconsciously for a while now) and I started thinking about where to find it. I know it’s a pretty odd thing (...

Step 54 - What Happens Once You Stop Caring If People Like You?

What happens once you stop caring if people like you…? It’s simple – your life starts changing. Yes, it’s that huge. One day I realized that it happened to me – that I suddenly stopped caring. I don’t know when it happened and how it happened, but one day it hit me. It’s not that I’m completely unware of how it happened – I worked for it. I read, I listen to my favorite YouTube channels (Impact Theory and School of Greatness), have conversations with myself, pay attention to my thoughts, I’m kinder to myself – I just follow these steps I write in my “Transform yourself” section and I accept myself. It’s not easy and it requires self-awareness, but it’s definitely doable and – when you finally get there – it feels amazing.

What do I mean by “not caring”? I do care about people, of course. And I do care what people think about me – especially about my writing – but I just don’t feel the need to be likeable to everyone (or anyone to be exact – except for my close friends) anymore. This process has started some time ago already, but it suddenly hit me – I’m free of the “I want everyone to like me” feeling. It just doesn’t matter to me anymore. And when you’re not dependable on other people’s opinions of you, you set yourself free. Because from now on you start doing exactly what you really want to do.

Here’s the thing: most of the time you think you do what you want to do, but the truth is that it’s not at all like that. You still unconsciously think: “Will people like me once I do that?”. I’m probably still doing it myself, but then I turn this voice off and say: “Ok, but what is it I want to do? I want to write about something that bothers me; I might offend someone’s feelings, but… what about my feelings?” That’s the biggest shift – you put yourself first. And it’s not only about being selfish (and btw I’m pro being selfish); it’s about standing up for yourself and for what truly matters to you. Yes, other people’s feelings matter, but hey – what about your feelings?

To be able to fully express yourself is such a huge privilege and the funny part is, we all have easy access to that and yet – not many people are taking advantage of it. It’s rarely that anyone does, actually. And why is it important? Because you don’t want to get lost in someone’s else thoughts and their view of life. And this is exactly what happens if you follow what’s “likeable”. So stop doing it. It’s not about what others think anymore, it’s about your voice. Have the courage to not only have your own opinions, but to express them. Stand up for yourself and don’t tremble every time someone tells you that they don’t agree with you. They don’t – and so what…? Does it make you less right? No, you’re still right, you just have different opinions, and that’s perfectly fine. The world in which everyone agrees on the same things doesn’t exist and never will. So if your goal is to satisfy others, you’re on the mission that is a spectacular failure to start with. Your opinion really does matter, simply because it’s yours. Stand up for yourself and don’t let others bully you. Because it is bullying. No one owns the exclusive right to be right. Maybe your opinion is crap and you will soon discover that, but for this moment – own it. You’re as important as everyone else and don’t let anyone tell you that it’s the other way round.