Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Writer's Block: Ryan Reinbold

Ryan Reinbold recently published Coma Notes: Witticisms of Unconsciousness. (132 pages, CreateSpace, $10). He writes, "You will find that my book is similar in format to the book by Justin Halpern called Sh*t My Dad Says or Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey." The book is available at Antigone Books and on Amazon.

Book Description:

You know how when you’re in a coma and then afterwards your life changes completely and you start to see everything differently? And it makes you laugh at the absurdity of life and contemplate ultimate reality? No? Hmm. This book is like that, from someone who’s had exactly that experience. See life through the eyes of a one-time comatose vegetable! Experience the collected musings, souvenirs from beyond! Enjoy all the benefits of an unconscious vacation without any of the hassles! If you appreciate the humor of Jack Handey, Tina Fey, or Ellen DeGeneres, don't miss this laugh out loud collection of hilarity. You owe it to your unconscious self.

Author bio:

One-time comatose vegetable, now a clerk at a library, Ryan Reinbold has had over twenty-five different jobs, none of which required him to have his worthless bachelor’s degree in English. He once peed at a urinal next to a candidate for the US Presidency, and he was once a college mascot. He's a vegan, he doesn't own a car, and he lives in a studio apartment. He enjoys laughter and tea and greatly dislikes leaf-blowers. He is a fan of trees and Star Trek (1987-present), and he practices qigong with his wife, who is awesome. They live in downtown Tucson.

Excerpts from Coma Notes: Witticisms of Unconsciousness:

Many movies that feature animals in their production have a disclaimer at the end of the closing credits mentioning that “no animals were harmed in the making of this motion picture”, or something like that. This indicates that everyone involved in the making of that movie is either vegetarian or vegan. Surprising, right?

“Through the Years”, performed by Kenny Rogers, is the song equivalent of sitting down for a job interview, crossing your legs, and finding gobs of twiggy dog shit on the bottom of your shoe. At the same time as the interviewer does. Set to music.

Children should never be taught that a dependable way to avoid being placed in a “timeout” is to begin urinating instantaneously at the sound of the word “timeout”.

I have to remind myself that when I hear coins fall while I’m standing at a urinal, I simply must resist the urge to look for them unless I am alone. Others don't take kindly to downward investigations in wallward urinary circumstances. Advice: You drop coins while crowded at a urinal: Pretend you’re at a fountain. Make a wish, hoser.

Probably the lamest title a person can have for themselves is “foodie”. Really? You like food? That’s quite a niche you’ve carved for yourself there, trailblazer.