Tuesday, June 2, 2009

30 Things to know about pilots

The only three things a wingman should ever say are:1. Two's up.2. Lead, you're on fire.3. I'll take the fat chick.

....and in a multi-place aircraft, there are only three things the copilot should ever say :1. Nice landing, Sir.2. I'll buy the first round.3. I'll take the fat chick.

A new copilot is told to say these three things, and otherwise keep their mouth shut and not touch anything :1. Clear on the right..2. Outer (marker) on the double (indicator)3. I'll eat the chicken..(Crew meals consisted of one steak and one chicken to avoid possible food poisoning of the cockpit crew).

1. As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want...As long as it's right.... And we'll let you know if it's right after you get down.

2. You can't fly forever without getting killed.

3. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them is:a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane.b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..

4. Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.

5. There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. The Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.

6. More about Rulesa. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance.(e.g.., if you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

7. The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.

8. The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.

9. About check ridesa. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your airplane.b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.

10. The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.

11. The job of the chief pilot is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on it.

12. Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over, I know of no such expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

13. It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very predictable. In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be unpredictable.

14. He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.

15. If you're gonna fly low, do not fly slow!

16. It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing touch his aircraft.

17. If you can learn how to fly as a private pilot and not forget how to fly by the time you're a seasoned airline transport pilot, you will have lived a happy life.18. About night flying:a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each other.f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get the same blend of psychedelic sensations as a single engine night weather flight.

19. One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.

20. At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them!

21. The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?

22. Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.

23. It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.

24. Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still Works the same old way, but hopefully your instructor never taught you "pull stick back, plane go up".

25. Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Manual is one ofthe best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.

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"Aristotle the Hun" was the name given to me more than 30 years ago when a friend noticed that in spite of my intellect I was still an Iowa farm boy.

Rev. Sam Sewell, is Director of Best Self USA, a Pastoral Psychotherapist, serves on the faculty of Naples Community Hospital as an instructor for Clinical Pastoral Education, President of the Theological Center in Naples, a member of Mensa where he serves as Gifted Youth Coordinator, a U.S. Navy Veteran, and a Member of the Association For Intelligence Officers. He is a frequent commentator on mental health and religious issues.His award winning research on family issues is published in several languages. Member of Sigma Delta Chi Honor Society

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"Though defensive violence will always be 'a sad necessity' in the eyes of men of principle, it would be still more unfortunate if wrongdoers should dominate just men."- St. Augustine

"A new idea is first condemned as ridiculous, and then dismissed as trivial, until finally it becomes what everybody knows." -

William James

"This is the real task before us: to reassert our commitment as a nation to a law higher than our own, to renew our spiritual strength. Only by building a wall of such spiritual resolve can we, as a free people, hope to protect our own heritage and make it someday the birthright of all men." --Ronald Reagan

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government."-- Edward Abbey

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war, is worse. A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."John Stuart Mill

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INTEGRITY: The highest courage is to dare to be ourself in the face of adversity. Choosing ethics over convenience and truth over popularity means there is never a wrong time to do the right thing.

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.

The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

They may be more likely to go to Heaven for good intentions yet at the same time likelier to make a Hell of earth. This very kindness stings with intolerable insult. To be “cured” against one’s will and cured of states which we may not regard as disease is to be put on a level of those who have not yet reached the age of reason or those who never will; to be classed with infants, imbeciles, and domestic animals.~ C. S. Lewis

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