Read an Adorable Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Review of "Mockingjay"

Is Julianne Moore one of the bad guys (in a bad wig)? Have you noticed that ginger cats are taking over Hollywood? Where do you stand on Peeta vs. Gale?

By
Reyhan Harmanci and Patrick Hoffman

Nov 24, 2014

Lionsgate

Welcome to "A Couple of Critics," a column in which a boyfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, or girlfriend/girlfriend review a new movie in the unique way that only couples can: by arguing, nitpicking, and making adorable lovebird jokes. In this first installment, Brooklyn-based Reyhan Harmanci and Patrick Hoffman discuss The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1. Note: She is a cat person and he is a dog person; this will be good.

Reyhan: Before we begin discussing this movie, I think as a warning to readers, we should say that we have seen the first two movies and you, in particular, had a strong reaction.

Patrick: It's true. I may have been the only person in America who didn't love the first two films. In fact, at the end of the last one, I made a vow to never go back to another, and yet ...

Reyhan: In fact, I remember you saying after the first one that it was shockingly and totally awful. And after the second one, you called it "the worst movie ever made."

Patrick: I thought we were going to stay positive! Instead of dissecting my problems with the first two films — which mainly centered on the bad writing, bad acting, bad directing, but most importantly, bad art direction — let's focus on what I like about the new film: Katnip's hair! Super healthy-looking.

Reyhan: It's Katniss. OK, I just want people to know that you have been downright allergic to The Hunger Games as a franchise, which I, while I have had problems with the other movies, never really understood. I mean, there are so many more terrible superhero movies! But as you said, staying poz. For a radical in an underground lair, Katniss did have really lovely, wavy locks. I was mentally assessing her regiment — maybe Bumble & Bumble lotion?

Patrick: Isn't this movie really about the difference between Katniss's hair and Julianne Moore's dead, gray hair? (Not to mention Effie Trinket seemingly being bald?) But to keep it real, I haven't read the books so I don't totally understand what's happening. I can't tell if we are supposed to like the District 13 leaders, or not? I'm worried for Katniss. I feel like they are just using her to raise their Klout scores. (Is that a thing still?)

Reyhan: You know, I think you're onto something with the hair analysis. When Katniss joins her comrades in wearing those formless grey-green jumpsuits, her hair is really the only way she can express herself. And Julianne Moore, as the leader of the insurgents, seems to be wearing a Gloria Steinem wig. Effie is reduced to a headscarf. Primrose wears her hair in a bun. But — oh — I am forgetting the most important hair in the movie! The chick from Game of Thrones who plays the cool video director.

Patrick: Right. The video directors. The hipsters. That one dude got his tongue cut out by the Capitol; that was sad, but he seemed all right with it. He got Katniss to sing a song, and they turned that song into some revolutionary propaganda that somehow (spoiler alert!!!) inspired a group of J. Crew models to climb up some trees and blow up those storm troopers. They were literally lumbersexuals. And then the song also inspired the masses (and we really need to talk about the silent masses) to raid the dam and blow it up. So, who is our Katniss? Taylor Swift or Beyoncé?

Reyhan: Well, it's not just the song, it's the power of propaganda. Underlying this whole movie/story are some interesting ideas about what freedom and liberation really mean. I didn't love this movie, at all — I thought it was visually bleak, way too long, and romantically inert — but I was intrigued by the debate about what Katniss' role in the movement should be. After all, she was not actually fighting (besides, you know, casually taking out two fighter plans with one arrow). She was very deliberately and openly used as a human symbol.

Patrick: And, as you pointed out on our exit from the theater, in a way that unfortunately seemed reminiscent of ISIS.

Reyhan: Ugh yes! I mean, when they released the video of Katniss in the battle scene, after they had emotionally manipulated her into a "real" reaction by dragging her to a hospital ward and interacting with dying citizen-fighters, it was clear that the point of the video was recruitment. Seemed like really unfortunate timing, given the well-produced and disgusting videos that ISIS releases every time they kill another kidnapped Westerner.

Patrick: And on the other side, Pita Bread is forced to sit down and have his own Chris Harrison-type, post-Bachelor rose ceremony interviews with Caesar Flickerman, aka Stanley Tucci. This movie is about two sides having propaganda battles against each other. I'm still confused though: Are the Radicals supposed to be good? It seems like they are obviously using Katniss, and they seem very North Korean in their clothes and their silent gatherings. Is Katniss going to splinter off from the Radicals and link up with the "District 8 Multiculturalists"?

Reyhan: I think that we're supposed to relate to Katniss's confusion. Also, look at you being Funny Guy.

Patrick: Let's play speed round, I'll ask a question and you give me a quick answer! Question 1: Why is Katniss's house still standing in the middle of all the nuclear waste field of District 12?

Reyhan: Hahaha. NO IDEA.

Patrick: Answer: So they could save the cat!!

Reyhan: This is rigged.

Patrick: Okay, question 2: Would you rather date a guy named Kale Salad, or Pita Bread?

Reyhan: Pita Bread. What about you?

Patrick: I like Pita Bread. The character, Kale Salad bothers me because he's always moping around. I think he bothers Katniss too. If there is a more annoying pickup line than, "You only pay attention to me when things go wrong," I haven't heard it. What TV show is Kale Salad from? I know I recognize that mug.

Reyhan: He's one of the Hemsworth brothers and he was once engaged to Miley Cyrus.

Patrick: Hmm. Did you know that people are being arrested in Thailand for giving the three finger salute?

Reyhan: Yes. I am on Twitter too. OK, let's go back to that video crew for a minute. We both laughed in the theater during the video crew scenes and no one else did.

Patrick: Before we jump back to the hipster videographers from District Williamsburg, can we take a moment and acknowledge that we miss hanging out in Rich World, aka the Capitol. Part of the reason I didn't like the art direction in the first two movies was I felt like there was a lack of imagination in how they portrayed the richie riches from the Capitol. But now, stuck in the drab world of the Radicals, I found myself longing to be back among the fancy men and women of the Capitol.

Reyhan: Well, I did not share your critique of the art direction of the first two movies (really, such a weird issue to latch onto), so I missed the Capitol even more! I missed Effie's hair. I missed Caesar's tan. The only thing we really got to enjoy was Peeta's ties.

Patrick: Yeah, I loved the ties! Also, on a more serious note, is this the last time we are going to see Philip Seymour Hoffman in a movie? Please tell me it's not.

Reyhan: Ugh, I hope not. He was obviously the best part of the movie, as he is in every movie. OK, who do you think was your favorite character in this Hunger Games?

Patrick: A licky-boom-boom-down, Daddy Snow (Donald Sutherland), obviously. I like his hair. I like his fiendishness. I like when he gets cut shaving. Also, every member of the hipster camera crew, also, the guy from House of Cards (Mahershala Ali) is pretty good. I love Jennifer Lawrence, I think she is a genuine superstar, but I don't like how she's so confused in this movie.

Reyhan: Wrong, the answer is obviously "Prim's cat."

Patrick: I'm worried about today's youth. Honestly, I wasn't feeling a whole lot of "joy" in the theater. When you see a good movie you can feel it in the air. This theater felt as dead as District 12.

Reyhan: This concern for "today's youth" is news to me.

Patrick: It's a new stance I'm trying for my homies at Cosmo! But back to the movie, people booed at the end. And it wasn't me.

Reyhan: OK, but really, back to the cat. You know, I've been very interested in the rise of ginger cats — think "Gone Girl," "Inside Llewyn Davis" — and I was overjoyed to see this big fluffy guy! It was an amazing cat. The cat also provided some key moments in the film.

Patrick: Yeah, the cat made the sister go back for it, which made Katniss go back, which almost got them locked out! But I'm not clear what would have happened if they did get locked out? I mean, it's not like the structure fell down.

Patrick: I'm rendered speechless. All opinions are my own. I've taught you every single thing you know about film. You never used to say "nice shot" before you met me!

Reyhan: Oh wow. Yeah, that definitely sounds like something that I say ALL THE TIME.

Patrick: Watch, readers, next week she'll be going on and on about the art direction!

Reyhan: Just what a Cosmo (or any) reader is looking for: an impassioned critique of a Hollywood franchise's art direction. OL, I think we need to wrap this up before rioting breaks out in whatever District we are currently living in. My one last thought is that I was personally happy that Julianne Moore turned out to be a good leader and I am very happy about the anti-men vibe going on in the movie in general. I think it's a good message for today's female youth.

Patrick: I'm with you! Down with men!! Up with Kale Salad, Pita Bread, and fresh Katnip!!! And Daddy Snow!!!

Reyhan: Almost of all of those characters are men. But whatever! Last question: Do you still think that the last Hunger Games movie is the worst movie ever made or is this one worse?

Patrick: I think it is in a very tight three-way race.

Reyhan: You are very wrong about this. But I guess we'll have to see the next one to be sure.

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