Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee dope, who claimed to be Washington Denzel,
when he was arrested
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain.

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There's always somebody who is paid too much,
and taxed too little -
and it's always somebody else.
--- Cullen Hightower
>From Nanarina
Med school entrance exam
When I was young my intent was to go to an American medical
school, but I was confused by the entrance exam.
One of the questions was, "Rearrange the letters
P N E S I to spell an important part of the human body
that is more useful when erect."
Those who spelled SPINE became doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.
>From Sarah
Your joke about the wrong side of the confessional reminded
me of this:
In the Jewish faith we have the custom of Tashlich, where
people take crumbs and throw them into a river or other
body of water to symbolize throwing away one's sins and
starting the new year fresh.
However, times have changed...
Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread
is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious
sensitivity. Instead, consider these options this year
for Rosh Hashanah:
For ordinary sins, use White Bread
For exotic sins, French Bread
For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
For complex sins, Multi-grain
For twisted sins, Pretzels
For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes
For sins of indecision, Waffles
For sins committed in haste, Matzah
For sins of chutzpah, Bread that's fresh
For substance abuse, Poppy Seed
For committing arson, Toast
For committing auto theft, Caraway
For being ill tempered, Sourdough
For silliness, Nut Bread
For jingoism,Yankee Doodles
For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread
For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread
For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts
For war-mongering, Kaiser Rolls
For immodest dressing, Tarts
For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes
For promiscuity, Hot Buns
For being holier than thou, Bagels
For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
For trashing the environment, Dumplings
For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf
For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake
For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake
For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread
For inhaling, Stoned Wheat
Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.
A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which
had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he
took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the
hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of
learnin' are you teachin'?"
"Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at
the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic."
"What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith...
what did you say?"
"'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in
geometry, algebra and trigonometry."
"Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs.
He's the worst darn shot in the family."
Click through for the large picture
Mighty hunter

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
Catherine Butler,
Tennessee dopey claims to be
Denzel Washington during arrest
A Tennessee man being arrested on charges of illegal
marijuana possession told police he was Academy Award-
winning actor Denzel Washington.
Officers told 21-year-old Justin Lee Seay of Memphis he
wasn't fooling anyone — and quickly found that he had
violated his probation on a separate case.
The Daily News Journal reported that police arrested Seay
on Monday night after responding to a complaint of noise
at his apartment.
While being arrested, police say, Seay declared he was
Washington. His real identity surfaced after police
booked him.
Officers say they found several bags of marijuana inside
the apartment.
Seay is being held in the Rutherford County Jail.

Tech Support Pits
From: Elsa
Re: What IS an SMTP
Dear Webby
You are throwing fancy terms around without explaining
what they are. What IS an SMTP ?
Elsa
Dear Elsa
If you use "real" email, not just web mail, then you have
a POP server for IN-coming mail, and an SMTP server, that
accepts your OUT-going mail.
With web mail, like Gmail, you don't have those, since
everything stays on the web.
With traditional email you pull all the mail down into your
computer, and you can read it later, even when you are not
connected to the net at that time. You can also write all
your mails at the beach, and then fire them out in a few
seconds when you visit McDonalds. Or, you could answer and
write your emails at homme, and fire them out when you get
to work and can use the company's WiFi.
POP email programs are usually called "Full Featured" email
programs. Web mail programs are rather skimpy by comparison,
because there the program sits on the cloud and you have to
access the program via the net, at the same time as Millions
of others also try to do that.
The main function of the SMTP server is to authenticate you,
and to make sure nobody sends mail out while pretending to
be you. Once you are safely authenticated, you can fire out
all of your emails instantly. The SMTP server puts the
time and date stamp on it, your IP number and fills out
the complete invisible header data.
Many ISPs force their victims to use the ISP's name
after the @ in the address. For example, if I was to use
the SMTP of Telus, I would have to change my address to
humor78934@telus.net. Since that is not good enough for me,
I am using the SMTP server at Webby.com and can continue
to use humor@webby.com
If I didn't have Webby.com, I would go to SMTP2GO.COM,
and use their SMTP server, so that I could continue to
use my address.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home
at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sharpen Kitchen Knives with a Belt
I learned this in my woodcarving club and it is valuable
for our kitchen knives as well.
You can use the "back" of a real leather belt to sharpen
knives!
This description is for the NON serrated blades only
(the straight edged ones) although it could be used on a
serrated blade as well if you keep your knife pinned flat
down on the belt.
No need to wet the belt nor knife.
Just lie the belt on a flat surface. Lie the knife FLAT
down with your fingers BEHIND the blade and pull AWAY from
the sharp part of the blade!!
AWAY FROM THE SHARP side!!!!!!! That's important! You will
dull the knife the other way.
Doing this will rub off any burrs or bumpy edges of the blade,
resharpening it.
Flip the knife to the other side then pull it AWAY from the
blade side in that direction to finish it up.
Don't use your finger to test the sharpness!!!!
If you must test, woodcarvers will LIGHTLY touch their finger
nail on the blade. You can tell if it's sharp by the feel of
the knife on your nail.
Note: Don't try to rub the knife back and forth like an olden
day barber in the movies! That can cause the knife edge to
create a ROLL of metal on the edge of the knife blade, dulling it.
By Dee [156]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his
favorite restaurant and ordered lunch.
A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip.
When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his
"generosity" and she said she could tell the character of
a diner by the way he tipped.
"Well, what could you tell about me?" he asked.
"You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress, "and
that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me
you are a frugal, and the second tells me that you are a
bachelor."
"That's true," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tell
you?"
"The third penny tells me your Father was a bachelor, too."
CONGRESS EMBRACES INTERNET TECHNOLOGY IN
CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM
Priceline.com's stock soared and Ebay created an entire new
section on their online auction site to accommodate the US
Congress' overhaul of campaign financial law.
Nancy Pelosi, in a speech from Capitol Hill, praised
fellow politician's choice to "name your own price" for
Congressional influence. "This is significant legislation that
will turn around a stagnant economy by pouring millions into
politicians' pockets."
In the new law, private citizens will be able to log onto
Priceline.com and "name their own price" to influence a
member of the House.
Citizens wishing to purchase a Senator still need to log on
to Ebay, but need to be aware that Senators don't stay bought.

Today in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany.
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers
(Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria).
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy.
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis
resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been
damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the
stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini
had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and
their ability to withstand hard blows.
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain
prevented Germany from invading Britain.
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of
work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents George
Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham
Lincoln were finished.
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a
German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered
World War II. More than 100 men were killed.
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a
revolt against French rule.
1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not marry
Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend.
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land
an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first
person to set foot on the South Pole.
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth,
TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the
time he was in Moscow, Russia.
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all
U.S. bombing of North Vietnam.
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as
Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain.
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during the
U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had
mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital.
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated
near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son,
Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister.
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns
had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles
Taylor were blamed for the murders.
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72
plunged into a northern Indiana farm.
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to
life in prison after being convicted of second-degree murder
in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released
after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter.
1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with
U.N. arms inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the
country's weapons of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's
invasion of Kuwait in 1990.
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket,
MA, killing all 217 people aboard.
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran
Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of
Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal
dispute over the nature of faith and salvation.
2001 Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department reached a
tentative agreement to settle the antitrust case against
the software company.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 30
Thank you, Roy!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
NY woman arrested for DWI twice in 3 hours
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51
percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York.

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is full of willing people,
some willing to work,
the rest willing to let them.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)
Free beer for workers who finish timesheets
MINNEAPOLIS (UPI) -- A Minneapolis ad agency is encouraging
employees to fill out their timesheets with a machine that
trades a completed sheet for a free glass of beer.
The Tapserver at Minneapolis firm Colle + McVoy asks employees
to scan their keycards and the system then verifies that the
worker's time sheet has been completed. The worker is rewarded
with their choice of beer from the machine's "multi-keg beer
deployment system," which includes several different brews.
"The technology used includes several Arduinos, a Node-based
server, solenoids and a Raspberry Pi. The software was written
to tie seamlessly with Colle + McVoy's timekeeping application,"
the company said.
The company said timesheet completion has improved by 90 %
since the machine was deployed.
>From Bill
My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get
our marriage license. After recording the vital information;
names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license
and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church,
and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance.
At one point, our minister had the children gather at the
altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began
by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"
There was silence.
Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one
you can move diagonally."
Click through for the large picture

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
Catherine Butler,
NY woman arrested for DWI
twice in 3 hours
On Saturday morning, police in Gates, New York, arrested
Catherine Butler twice in three hours for DWI.
Butler, 26, was first arrested around 2 a.m. for DWI and
for operating a vehicle without headlights.
A friend picked her up at the police station and took her
home.
Less than three hours later, Butler was allegedly caught
swerving on a local road and charged a second time with
DWI, WHEC.com reports.
Police said Butler's blood alcohol level was .11 percent
the first time and .09 percent the second time. Both were
above the legal limit of .08 percent, 13WHAM.com reports.
Police said the second DWI marked Butler's fourth arrest
for driving drunk. The other two were in 2006 and 2011.
Despite the earlier arrests, police said Butler had a
valid driver's license because her earlier DWI charges
were reduced to impaired driving, allowing her to keep
driving legally.

Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Magic SMTP
Dear Webby
What is the name of the magic SMTP company, that allows you
to use your own domain name for the SMTP, even if your ISP
does not allow that?
Chris
Dear Chris
It's http://smtp2go.com
They have free accounts for low volume mail and paid accounts
fro large companies.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old
son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore,
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him
back down?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Cheese
To keep cheese fresh, upon arriving home from the market
take out the cheese and wrap first in wax paper and use
tape to make it snug. Then wrap in plastic wrap. Mark each
pkg with the type and date purchased. Then freeze what you
don't think you'll use somewhat quickly. This maybe a pain
to do but it sure beats throwing out moldy cheese and
pouring money down the drain.
Also, keep your Saran Wrap in the fridge as it dramatically
helps it come out smoother and is easy to "handle".
By Jeffs pics [2]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in
rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when
a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the
trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers
explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way.
They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming
toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she
said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench
crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?"
One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to
my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor
husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me!
My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard
me say a bad word about about him?"

Today in
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established
by Simon Bolivar.
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton
County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave
uprising in American history.
1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular vote.
1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the Sherman
Silver Purchase Act of 1890.
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper of
Rochester, NY.
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio.
The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live
news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among
listeners.
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing.
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace
Prize.
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of
approximately 58 megatons.
1961 The Soviet Party Congress unanimously approved an order
to remove Joseph Stalin's body from Lenin's tomb.
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to
increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion.
1972 In Illinois, 45 people were killed when two trains
collided on Chicago's south side.
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator
Francisco Franco was near death.
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline
"Ford to City: Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S.
President Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed
federal bailout of New York City.
1982 Portugal's constitution was revised for the first time
since it was ratified on April 25, 1976.
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-
Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was
blamed on four security officers.
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51
percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York.
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space,
performed the world's first animal dissections in space,
while aboard the space shuttle Columbia.
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian
President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's
military still in control.
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a
referendum concerning secession from the federation
of Canada.
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane
and the 39 people on board were killed when anti-terrorist
squads raided the plane.
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw
out the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between
the New York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks.
Unlike Obama, Bush knew how to pitch.
2001 Michael Jordan returned to the NBA with the Washington
Wizards after a 3 1/2 year retirement. The Wizards lost
93-91 to the New York Knicks.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 29
Thank you, Sig!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Ex-Boyfriend,. who stole woman's "Obama Phone"
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn
on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first
American to orbit the Earth.

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A billion here, a billion there
pretty soon it adds up to real money.
--- Senator Everett Dirksen (1896-1969)
"ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on
games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and
elections."
--- Argus Hamilton
>From Dianne
I went into the confessional box after years of being away
from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with
Guinness on tap.
On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish
whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars
and chocolates
Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me,
for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession,
but I must first admit that the confessional box is much
more inviting than it used to be."
He replies: " Get out, you moron, you're on my side. "
An old guy went to his doctor and said,
"Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately,
I have forgotten to zip up."
"That's not senility," replied the doctor.
"Senility is when you forget to zip down...."
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on
a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want
to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes
up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone,
telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free
drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the
bartender gives him his tab.
The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!"
The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really
busy in here and I must have forgotten."
The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened,
so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then
informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender
asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes.
Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender
gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I
ordered the drink."
"I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's
wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this
to."
"I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry.
Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you,
and I'll be on my way."
Click through for the large picture

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
Desmond Ty’Quan Gray, 22, Spartanburg, Florida
Ex-Boyfriend Stole Her "Obama Phone"
During Tussle
A South Carolina woman told police yesterday that her former
boyfriend stole her “Obama phone” during a confrontation
yesterday morning, according to an incident report.
Tasha Mallory, 29, said that she was on her phone when
Desmond Ty’Quan Gray, 22, “entered her apartment uninvited”
Monday morning and “began to ask her who she was on the
phone with.”
Mallory and Gray “are not dating but have one child in common,”
cops noted.
According to Mallory, Gray tried to grab her phone, but she
held it close to her chest “so Mr. Gray could not get to it.”
Gray, Mallory alleged, then pushed her to the floor, bit her
shoulder, and scratched her arm. He also allegedly wrested
her Obama phone away and then fled the residence in a green
vehicle.
“Ms. Mallory described the cell phone as an ‘Obama phone,’”
(free phone provided by Welfare) according to a Spartanburg
Police Department report.
While talking with cops, Mallory pulled out a “second cell
phone that she had” and showed text messages from Gray “stating
that he did not want the relationship to end.” Police subsequently
sought to locate Gray for questioning, but were unsuccessful
(they planned to consult with a judge about the incident).
Gray, seen in the above mug shot, has prior arrests for drug
possession, shoplifting, domestic violence, attempted burglary,
and peeping, according to court records.

Tech Support Pits
From: Beverly
Re: Yahoo censoring Actioncat cards
Thanks. I clicked on the link and rec'd the actioncat card.
I also had a phone call from a friend that I had sent an
actioncat card to who also has a yahoo email address. She
didn't get it.
When I do an actioncat card, if I write down the number
it assigns for pickup and email that to friends, would
they be able to follow a link to actioncat.com and
insert the card number to view the card?
Again, thanks for your suggestions.
Beverly
Dear Beverly
Yes, if you send the pick-up number to other yahoos, then
they can pick it up quite easily. It's just the emails to
their victims, that Yahoo censors. As far as I know, they
are not censoring web sites.
Just tell your friends to get a respectable email address
on the side.
Protonmail and Gmail are free.
They don't have to give up their Yahoo mail and groups and
stuff. They simply get reliable email on the side.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A loaded minivan pulled in to the only remaining campsite.
Four children leapt from the vehicle and began feverishly
unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to
gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up
the camp stove and cooking utensils.
A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father,
"That, sir, is some awesome display of teamwork."
The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the
bathroom until the camp is set up."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Discolored Coffee Cups
I have trouble with my coffee cups and mugs becoming
discolored because my husband drinks lots of coffee. All
I have to do to take out the stains is to let them soak
in a a sink full of water with a about 1/4 cup bleach
added. Just be sure to rinse them well. Works great!
By Robin
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The following was overheard at a recent high society party...
"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great,"
said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked,
"How far does your family go back?"
"I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost
in the flood."
A Statistician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in
a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the
house on the other side of the street. First they see two
people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they
notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The
Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."
The Statistician says: "Now if another person enters the
house, it'll be empty again."

Today in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that
had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy
against King James I.
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be
an independent commonwealth.
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was
the founder of Pennsylvania.
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley,
was electrocuted.
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution
of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal,
later known as Kemal Ataturk.
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the
Wall Street stock market.
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S.
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went
on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the
price of $12.50 each.
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez
Canal Crisis.
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use
close-circuit television.
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight.
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all
school segregation.
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records.
He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him
over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season.
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding
discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or
marital status
1985 It was announced that Maj. Gen. Samuel K. Doe had won the
first multiparty election in Liberia.
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's
regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during
its occupation of Kuwait.
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an
asteroid (Gaspra).
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to
pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President
Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power.
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the Food
and Drug Administration.
1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission
condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the
African National Congress.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn
on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first
American to orbit the Earth.
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for
$2 million at a New York auction.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 28
Happy 90th Birthday Jim!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Ukrainian Darth Vader, who was told to get lost
at the voting booth.
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known
as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in
1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I think that I shall never see
a billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
--- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting
expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns
for the king. The friend had apparently done something
wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the
gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was
blown off.
Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual,
"This is good!"
To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!"and
proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that
he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals
captured himand took them to their village. They tied
his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and
bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire
to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing
a thumb.
Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was
less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him
on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded
of the event that had takenhis thumb and felt remorse
for his treatment of his friend.
He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend.
"You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb
was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all
that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for
sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this..."
"No," his friend replied, "this is good!!"
"What do you mean, 'This is good!'?? How could it be
good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?!"
"If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you,
hunting...!"
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted
his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had
bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the
store looking at the dress. Then I found myself
trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering
to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You
should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal
with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It
looks great from back here, too."
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage
she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked -
"I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your
husband sometimes talks about his first wife?"
"Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied.
"What stopped him?"
"I started talking about my next husband."
Click through for the large picture
The building is not pretty, but the view is famntastic!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
Darth Alekseyevich Vader, Kjiev, Ukraine
Darth Vader not allowed to vote in Ukraine
Never underestimate the power of the Dark Side... except
maybe in Ukraine, where it turns out being a Sith Lord
isn't all that hot.
Darth Vader, a candidate running for a seat in the nation's
parliament, was turned away at his polling place when he
refused to take off his mask. Hours later, it looked like
he had little chance of winning, according to exit polls.
Or as Dark Lord of the Sith might say: "NOOOOoooooooo!"
The candidate, who changed his name to Darth Alekseyevich
Vader, turned up to vote on Sunday standing atop a black
van decorated with symbols of the Galactic Empire and
blaring "The Imperial March" from loudspeakers.
Once inside, Vader showed his passport to polling officials,
but they asked him to take off his mask.
"Here is my face on the passport. Where does the law say
that I have to take off my mask?" Vader said, according
to The Telegraph.
"I thought this might happen," he told reporters afterward,
according to AFP. "But I am still disappointed. My rights
have been violated again."
He was told to get lost and come back without the
silly mask.
Vader was one of six Darth Vaders running for seats in
Parliament, along with Chewbacca, Princess Amidala and
Yoda. As of this writing, it doesn't appear that any of
them won seats.
The Force may not be with them, but they sure do have
the farce on their side.
The election is counted now, and for the first time since
WWII, there were no communists elected to parliament.
The election was only in the areas, that are not occupied
by Russia.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose
intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with
his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had
found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them
what that meant.
A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a
quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the
quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When
they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at
her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the
waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is charcoal intolerant."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Vaseline to Remove Paint from Leather
Iv just removed eggshell white paint from my leather sofa
by rubbing in petroleum jelly (Vaseline). I left it for a
few minutes, then gently rubbed with a wet nail brush and
it started coming off! Happy me!
By debbietev [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I know my company has made a big effort to be family
friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday an-
nouncement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees
are invited to the annual Christmas party. All children
under the age of ten will receive a gift from Santa.
Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren."
[I know I've used this joke more than once before, but it's
one of my favorites...]
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the
light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will
you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep
in Daddy's room."
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."

Today in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. (engin)
1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York
Harbor by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225
tons and is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as
"Liberty Enlightening the World."
1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to
use fingerprinting.
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known
as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in
1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution.
1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government
and introduced fascism to Italy.
1936 The Statue of Liberty was rededicated by U.S. President
Roosevelt on its 50th anniversary.
1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece.
1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that
he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO,
was completed.
1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President
Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ,
to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related
convictions.
1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker,
pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces
the abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume
distribution of the drug after the government of France
demanded it do so.
1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing.
1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide,
called for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out
the military leaders.
1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that
all the troops there would be home by Christmas.
2014 smiled.

R610 which could easily handle both of your servers
running ESXi underneath for $475 per month.
It would have 6x146GB SAS Drives, and
2xIntel Quad Core 5550 CPUs (CPU may vary some).

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 27
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
500 lb perp in Florida, trying to resist arrest.
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In inner-party politics, these methods lead, as we shall
yet see, to this: the party organization substitutes itself
for the party, the central committee substitutes itself
for the organization, and, finally,
a "dictator" substitutes himself for the central committee.
--- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940) Russian revolutionary
------------
Sounds familiar!
There are two types of people--
those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!'
and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
--- Frederick L Collins
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
--- Benjamin Franklin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
--- Milton Berle
A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church
with their three kittens.
He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother
turned around to do some work.
A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door.
She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens.
She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll
drown those kittens."
Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice:
"They should had thought of that before they joined my church."
"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up,"
said a father to his teenage daughter,
"Your very own phone bill."
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized
his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him
clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber
standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any
gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore.
As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What
did you do to get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got
'em all."
Click through for the large picture

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
Howard Hendrix, 45, of Apopka, Florida
500-pound Suspect Doesn't
Fit Into Florida Patrol Car
The scales of justice can handle Howard Hendrix and his
domestic disturbance charge, but Florida deputies had
problems arresting and transporting the heavy suspect.
At 500 pounds, the 6-foot-tall Hendrix was too big to
fit into a Volusia Count patrol car.
The solution was to summon a prisoner transport van to
haul Hendrix to the Volusia County Branch Jail in Daytona
Beach on Sunday, according to the Orlando Sentinel.
Before that, Hendrix, 45, of Apopka, Florida, used his size
to resist arrest in other ways. Hendrix sat down on the floor
and challenged officers to move him. He also allegedly kicked
a deputy in the leg, according to police documents obtained
by the Daytona Beach News-Journal.
The dispute began when Hendrix' girlfriend told deputies that
during an argument he had cornered her in the garage and
slapped her shoulder and face, poked her in the chest, and
spit into her face, according to ClickOrlando.com. He
allegedly punched a hole in her wall too.
When deputies arrived, Hendrix had showered and was naked.
Investigators said he smelled of alcohol, and had glassy
eyes and slurred speech, WESH.com reports.
Hendrix was charged with battery on a law enforcement
officer, criminal mischief, resisting an officer without
violence, battery causing bodily harm and driving under
the influence, according to the Miami Herald.
He is being held on $5,000 bond.

Tech Support Pits
From: Bunny
Re: Not getting subscription
Hi Webby,
This mail says my double-opt in was successful but I haven't
gotten the Humour Letter yet. I checked spam and all folders.
Still don't see it.
My old mail is going away on Halloween because lorettotel.net
is closing down their dialup and I'm not close enough for
their dsl.
Was hoping to move my sub to gmail, but I'm confused about
it working.
Bunny
Dear Bunny
You are definitely in the list.
Second last one to subscribe.
If you don't get the Monday issue by sun-up,
check Spam and Trash.
You might have to make a filter in Gmail to
keep it from dumping mail
from
humor@webby.com
The people running Gmail apparently don't like
getting mail and figure it is better to dump too much stuff,
than not enough; and that everybody should get good at
making filters.
Once you have about a hundred filters, Gmail is excellent.
However, it is definitely not something to just subscribe
to and let it run as is.
In the meantime, you can browse to http://webby.com/humor
to read the current issue, or to http://webby.com/humor/blog
to read previous issues. You can scroll back to almost the
stone ages, but don't let that stop you from making filters.
On rural Dial-Up getting the Humor Letter in the mail is a
lot faster than browsing for it.
You will probably also have to change the setting in Gmail
to always display images. By default, that is often turned off.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A woman passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911.
The operator said they would send someone out right away
and asked, "Where do you live?"
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about
I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
"Soft Wrap" Presents For A Green Christmas
My family always has a chore of finding correct size boxes
for Christmas gifts, and then having to break them down
afterward for the recycle bins. This year, we have pledged
to "soft wrap" every gift. There will be no more boxes,
and no chore we all dislike. Let us all save planet Earth!
By Avis from Boulder, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
You can also save boxes and re-use them. Make a rule to,
if at all possible, send the boxes back to the sender next
Christmas. It is quite fun to see how many back and forth
trips a box can endure.
Some people, who hate fruitcakes,
don't even open the box, that they know contains a
fossilized fruitcake. They just stick another address label
on it, and put it into the garage, ready to send back next
Christmas.
Personally, I like fruitcake, but when I get one, I save
the box for next December. it is always a treat to recognize
a box.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front
door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics
arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he
knew what caused him to faint.
"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked
me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out,
he came out with the lawn mower."
During a Law school lecture, the 'Audi alteramparten' rule
was explained. Translated it means, "To hear the other party".
After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer
asked if anyone didn't understand the rule.
A man in the back of the class said, "Yes, my wife."
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was
going to ask the congregation to come up with more money
than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist
was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last
minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But,
you'll have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers
and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs
cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more.
Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star
Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Today in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the
first Quakers to be executed in America.
1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San
Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty."
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York
City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other
seven failed.
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed
of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George
"Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence
to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted.
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was
the first rapid-transit subway system in America.
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in
New York.
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its new
synthetic yarn.
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They
had been married on January 14, 1954.
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by
calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in Turkey.
U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the agreement.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. prison
population had exceeded one million for the first time in
American history.
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of Brazil
in a runoff. He was the country's first elected leftist leader.
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy
FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second largest
banking company in the U.S.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 26
Who sent me the collection of pictures, from which I took
Friday's picture of the spiny, white sea monster?
Somehow I misplaced and lost that collection. If you sent
it to me, or have a copy of it, please send it to me!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
18 year old South Carolina woman for the most
embarrassing shoplifting arrest.
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced
it was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-486. The pill
is used to induce abortions. The French government made the
company reverse itself two days later.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The trouble with America is that there are far too many
wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth.
--- Charles Luckman
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a
lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a
bad move.
--- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
>From Moe
SAFE AT HOME ... AT LAST!
I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the
Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one
at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, CIA, Secret Service, and other intelligence
services are all watching my house 24/7.
I've never felt safer.
------------
I bet they defragment and optimize your computer too,
to make sure they are not missing anything!
Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the
paragraph below without the aid of Google? (One minister
found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks
to find the last one.)
I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible.
It was a lulu; It kept people looking so hard for facts,
and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam,
especially since the names of the books were not capitalized
and on occasion spread over more than one word. But the
truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers.
To others it was a real job. I want it to be a most
fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some
really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to
help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister
to find one of them, and there will be loud lamentations
when it is found. A little old lady says she brews a cup
of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can
compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names
of books of the Bible in this paragraph.
No cheating!
Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land.
600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please
instruct!"
Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after
me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'"
Click through for the large picture

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
Karla Farmer, 18, Spartanburg, South Carolina
Embarrassing Shoplifting Spree
At Mall Store
This week’s most embarrassing shoplifting arrest comes from
South Carolina, where police yesterday nabbed an 18-year-old
woman for stealing Rock Hard erection cream, handcuffs, and
Deep Throat desensitizing spray from a mall store.
Karla Farmer first swiped the cream and spray from the
“love unit” of a Spencer’s store, according to a police report.
After exiting the business, she returned a few minutes later
to nick the handcuffs, investigators allege.
Mall security subsequently detained Farmer and handcuffed the
teenager when she fought with them and tried to flee.
When police searched Farmer’s purse, they recovered the
Spencer’s merchandise, as well as a bra and two pairs of
underwear apparently stolen from a Victoria’s Secret
location in the WestGate mall in Spartanburg.
Seen in the above mug shot, Farmer was charged with
shoplifting and booked into the county jail on the
misdemeanor count.

Tech Support Pits
From: Lucy
Re: Eye strain
Dear Webby
I am working on a large but very important project, but lately
after half a day or so, my eyes get tired and sandy. When that
happens, I can't concentrate and all I want to do is go for a
nap. Is there a solution for that?
Lucy
Dear Lucy
First check the air currents in the room. If necessary, get a
smoker to assist you. Especially in a darkened room a
flashlight and some smoke will quickly tell you if air from
anywhere is bouncing off the monitor or keyboard into your
face and drying your eyes. If it is, deflect the air somehwre
else.
Secondly, raise the monitor or lower the chair so that you
sit in the sexy positioning like the typists before the
computer age used, chest out, back and neck straight, head
slightly raised so that a ruler placed under your chin and
pointing forward, points slightly upward, not level or down.
Your neck and head circulation will improve instantly, and
your eyes will feel a lot better.
As a fringe benefit, especially if you combine that body
posture with a silly grin about it, works as an
anti-depressant and mood optimizer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time
playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into
focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to
his son,
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by
the light of the fireplace."
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was
The President of The United States."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Decorating for Halloween
We try to make a fun Halloween experience. Walking through
to get their candy is a lot of fun to watch. My husband and
I made simple grave stones, coffin, and lots of body parts
for the giant spider I made.
We decorate with cheap masks bought at the dollar stores and
costumes that were reduced after Halloween, for yard haunters,
put up with just wooden stakes made into crosses.
I try to buy something cheap each year to add to the decor.
We have a lot of wailing, screeching ghosts and zombies,
witches and skeletons. And lots of sounds.
Happy Halloween {^;^}
By Ida M. from Toledo, OH
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a
backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably
led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun
blasts at some of them.
"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good
thing comes out of this drinking?"
"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider.
"It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
>From Jack
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and
marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding
what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister
asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband."
And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to
be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better!"
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories.
As I enjoy two servings per night and a few more on weekends,
I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals
to one pound of weight per week.
Therefore, in the last three and a half years, I have had a chocolate
caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I only weigh 165 pounds,
so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about
three months ago.
I owe my life to chocolate!

Today in
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The
363-mile canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River
at a cost of $7,602,000.
1854 Charles William Post was born. He was the inventor
of "Grape Nuts," "Postum" and "Post Toasties."
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine.
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone,
AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and
Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang.
1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden.
1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa
Cruz during World War II.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended.
The battle was won by American forces and brought the end
of the Pacific phase of World War II into sight.
1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage
from 40 to 75 cents an hour.
1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great Britain.
1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
from New York City to Paris.
1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile
Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S.
agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles
in Turkey.
1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after
26 years on the Peacock Throne.
1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared,
"Peace is at hand" in Vietnam.
1975 Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to
officially visit to the United States.
1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully
landed at Edwards Air Force Base in California.
1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death
by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence
Agency.
1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first Israeli
head of state to visit Egypt.
1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and
Soviet embassies in London to pressure the two countries to
end their arms race.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced
it was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-486. The pill
is used to induce abortions. The French government made the
company reverse itself two days later.
1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American icebreakers.
The whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks in an Arctic
ice pack.
1990 The U.S. State Department issued a warning that terrorists
could be planning an attack on a passenger ship or aircraft.
1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach 2,000 points.
1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a federal
correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin serving
a six-month sentence for cocaine possession.
1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned after
the company recorded its highest losses in history.
1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord, which was
designed to unify the country.
1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of
defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S. Congress.
Dean was a central figure in the Reagan-era HUD scandal.
1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime Minister
Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty.
1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th
National Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New York
Islanders in his 605th game. He became the second-fastest player
to attain the plateau. Wayne Gretzky had reached 600 goals by
his 575th NHL game.
1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile warhead.
2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won a
defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The contract,
for the "joint strike fighter," was the largest defense contract
in history.
2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where
separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116
hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or
gunshot wounds.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 25
Who sent me the collection of pictures, from which I took
yesterday's picture of the spiny, white sear monster?
Somehow I misp[laced and lost that collection. If you sent
it to me, or have a copy of it, please send it to me!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Wyoming woman, who was arrested for beating
boyfriend with a metal broom handle.
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1955 The microwave oven for home use was introduced by The
Tappan Company.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy,
but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
--- Bill Vaughan
Thanks to Sandie for this:
When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood
pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained
some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be
complicated and it would solve my physical problems.
He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright
colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc."
So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms
onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt better!
The reporter met the plane that brought back soldiers
from their year in Afghanistan. He wanted to write a human
interest story, and asked one soldier,
"What's the first thing you'll do when you get home?"
The soldier immediately replied, "Stupid question! Spend
an hour in bed with my wife."
The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and
asked, "Oh. Well, and what will you do after that ?"
"Take off these stupid boots!"
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park
said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks.
Wherever did they come from?"
"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.
"But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked.
"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."
Click through for the large picture
Kalapana-Hawaii

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
Michelle Martinez, 27, Casper, Wyoming
Man says girlfriend beat him
with metal broom handle
A Casper man is accusing his girlfriend of beating him with
a metal broomstick.
Miguel Martinez, 27, who is also identified in the police
report as Michelle Martinez, is charged with aggravated
assault in the Wednesday night attack.
Police responded to a camper on Durbin Street about 11:40 p.m.
and found Martinez’s boyfriend bleeding from the head. The man
was transported to Wyoming Medical Center for treatment.
He told officers that Martinez had beaten him with an unknown
metal object, which may have been a broomstick. He also said
Martinez threw a champagne glass at him, which shattered on
his chest.
Police found Martinez hiding in the backyard of a home on
Kimball Street. Martinez was transported to the Natrona
County Detention Center.

Tech Support Pits
This is an old one to answer a question I got over the phone,
without having to type down the conversation.
From: Dani
Re: Filter for U-Tube spoofs
Dear Webby:
How do I filter out crap like this?
I KNOW I am not on any video, and since the barbecue blew up
this spring, I am not even on any photo! I am actually
contemplating becoming a muslim until my hair grows back. :(
In addition to that, MailWasher tells me that it is linking
to somewhere else.
Here is a typical example:
===
this i not good. If this video gets to her husband your
both dead. see for yourself...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQrTPGpMziX[links to 74.132.117.201/]
===
I am sure you get them too. How do you filter them?
Dani
Dear Dani
I had to root around the restore bin to find an example.
The same 7BIT filter that I described earlier, also gets
this type of virus generated spam.
"IF
the entire header
contains
7BIT
then delete, without warning".
They fly right by, straight to hell, unseen by anybody,
except when you send me to check the restore bin.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson.
She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for
church.
"Put whichever one you want in the collection plate
and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl.
When they were coming out of the church, the mother
asked her daughter which amount she had given.
"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give
the dollar, but just before the collection the man
in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful
givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave
the quarter, so I did."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recycled Candles From Wax Melter
I have a wax warmer plate that I love. When the melts
lose their scent, I pour them in a glass candle jar that
is almost empty. I save cotton string, such as that
found on dog food bags. I dip the string in the wax warmer
with the melted wax and then set it aside in a jar.
When dry, I put the wick over a pencil or piece of incense
and hang it over an empty jar. This is where all the wax
from the warmer gets poured when it doesn't smell as strong
anymore. I also put extra chunks of wax in the warmer and
melt that. I'm wondering if I could recycle old birthday
candles by using the whole little candle as a wick.
By Robyn [366]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Yes, sure you can! You can also buy wick in 50 and 100 foot
rools at most craft stores. Wick is cheap. You can also get
candle scent there. They have some bees-wax scent, that is
really fantastic.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine
snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a
newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged
Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used
to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary.
"Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e".
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time
will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty
fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"
When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a com-
puter company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane
to the bizarre.
One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a
man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet,
his computer would shut down and he would loose all his work.
It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water
supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he
flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the
electric power, which in turn would cause the computer
to shut down.
I told him it was just to teach him to save his work
frequently, especeially before stepping away from the
computer, and that it was just doing it just because it
did not want to be left alone.
Since I was laughing while making up that story, he did not
believe that. So I told him to get an uninterruptible
power supply with a battery at least as big as the one on
his bike, to carry the computer across any dips in the
power.
That made sense to him, and after he did that, he had no
more problems with the computer shutting down every time
he flushed the toilet.

Today in
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt
over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000
Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by
the English.
1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States
captured the British vessel Macedonian.
1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the
Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of
Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order to
attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley and
suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed that
the order was the result of confusion and was not given
intentionally.
1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was
the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City.
1881 The founder of "Cubism," Pablo Picasso, was born in
Malaga, Spain.
1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
seized power in Russia.
1954 A U.S. cabinet meeting was televised for the first time.
1955 The microwave oven for home use was introduced by The
Tappan Company.
1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had
been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's
pro-Western government.
1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was
introduced.
1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic
evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos
were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
admit mainland China.
1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations
invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection
to U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's
Communist (pro-Cuban) government.
1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney
that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops
to Saudi Arabia.
2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a
family of four separately traded companies (consumer,
business, broadband and wireless).
2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the
remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million
years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew
as long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight tons.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Gym teacher charged with 30
counts of statutory rape
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was
nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and
foreign-owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6, 1960.
The big American sugar and fruit companies are still in a
snit about that.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and
all the impersonators would be dead.
--- Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)
A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions
than anything else in the world.
--- Edmond de Goncourt (1822 - 1896)
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he
used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened
himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He
said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound
potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides
and hold them there as long as he could.
After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato
sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato
sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full
minute!
Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
Joe was sitting at the bar, sunk in misery. The bartender
said, "You look awful, pal. What's your problem."
Joe stared into his drink and said, "I'm tired of being a
social outcast. I'm with the circus, you see, and clean up
the animal cages. Well, it's not the most wonderful smell
in the world and because of it people avoid me. It's not
fair!"
"I see what you mean," the bartender sniffed. "But I've got
an idea. There are openings down at the factory. They are
regular hours and it probably pays better than the circus.
Why don't you apply?"
"What!" asked Joe, a bit offended,
"And leave show business?"
Click through for the large picture

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
Megan Mahoney, 24, New York City, NY
Gym teacher charged with 30
counts of statutory rape
A basketball coach and gym teacher at a prestigious New
York City high school faces statutory rape charges for her
alleged sex abuse of a male student.
Megan Mahoney, 24, was arrested Monday for allegedly having
regular sexual contact with the same 16-year-old student
over a period of more than two months beginning in late
October 2013, the Staten Island Advance reports.
She faces 30 counts of statutory rape in the case.
Mahoney romped with the teen “on numerous occasions,
that is at least two times per week during the period,”
court papers claim.
She also was charged with four counts of “criminal sexual
act” because of mutual oral sex that she and the boy
allegedly engaged in “at least two times per month during
said period.”
In January, Mahoney resigned from Moore Catholic High School
in Staten Island, where she taught gym and was an assistant
coach for the women's basketball team.
Investigators said that some of the encounters happened on
school grounds. In August, the victim told the New York Post
that the illicit relationship began shortly after Mahoney
allegedly approached him in the gym and offered to coach
him in basketball.
“We would just drive around and [do it] in the car,” the
boy, whose name was withheld, told the newspaper.
Richard Postiglione, the Moore's athletic director, was
also investigated for allegedly failing to report sex
abuse accusations against Mahoney and another female
teacher at the school.
Before she was a coach, Mahoney was also a student athlete,
playing basketball for Fordham University and Wagner College.

Tech Support Pits
Ophelia forwarded this to me. One of her subscribers had a
problem and she was able to solve it nicely.
From: JH
Re: About Blank
One question, this just started yesterday.
When I click on the gravity60 to see the cutie of the day,
I also get a window opening from internet explorer
"about blank." Is this a bug on my end?
I don't use ie at all, just wondering.
Thanks for all, jh
Hi Jim
That is due to an "About Blank" hijacker, that you got
probably as an included freebie when some nitwit family
member downloaded something.
Dear Webby wrote about that one about half a year ago.
It is nasty shit, and some variants of that hijacker
include a Trojan, that opens a back door.
Try using that MalwareBytes, that Dear Webby has on the
TOP of his side menu. For a good reason!
They have a free version. Use it as soon as possible.
With that back door open and your ass sticking out,
ANYBODY can screw you in the ass and not only copy what
you got, but put stuff onto your machine!
It might be a good idea to TOTALLY restrict access to your
computer and threaten dire consequences to anybody
downloading ANYTHING.
Yes, absolutely ANYTHING! Even innocent looking stuff like
cutesy clocks come bundled with very nasty shit!
Good Luck!
Ophelia
Due to your help, I've got it.
many thanks. jh
The picture of Jim with old style full length underwear with
button-down rear flap open is priceless! But she is right,
when a trojan controls your machine, YOU have no control
over what goes on.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Two poets, who had been bitter rivals, met each other on a
street corner. Naturally the old rivalry resumed itself.
"You know, " said the first poet,
"since we last met, my readership has increased!"
"Oh congratulations!" the second poet replied.
"I didn't know you got married!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Replace Lights On Christmas Wire Deer
If you have lights on your wire lawn deer that stop working,
don't toss the deer in the garbage, just change out the
lights. Take a strand of 100 white wire lights and replace
the old lights. It's time consuming putting all new lights
on, but it's a lot less $ than going out and buying all
new deer, and it's a good way to recycle also.
By CDC from FL
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

GROAN ALERT!
A mechanic who worked out of his home had
a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of
eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so
the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The
grass eventually became overgrown.
One day the mechanic was working on a car in
his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in
the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him
so he decided to call it a day.
That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate
all the grass in the backyard. The next morning,
the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench
glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened,
he looked up to the heavens and sang out loudly,
proclaiming...
(Are you ready for this?)
"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved
a wrench for me!"
In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I
noticed a man shopping with his son.
As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I
heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child: "You know,
if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."
A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little
children on the plane. They had been bugging her since
take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or
tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom or
whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting
on and complaining about.
Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the
children said that they were bored, the stewardess told
them to go play outside.

Today in
1648 - The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the
Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty Years War.
1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria,
Prussia, and Russia.
1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous
friction safety match.
1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent
when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a
telegram to U.S. President Lincoln.
1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to
go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years old.
1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million shares
on the stock market. The day is known as "Black Tuesday."
1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened
for traffic between New York and New Jersey.
1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first
time in Wilmington, DE.
1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect under
the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938.
1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less
than a month after the end of World War II.
1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was
nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and
foreign-owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6, 1960.
The big American sugar and fruit companies are still in a
snit about that.
1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces
went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation
for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The
U.S. blockade of Cuba officially began on this day.
1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a
69-carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton
presented the ring to Taylor several days later.
1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a Jordanian
was convicted in an attempted bombing. The evidence in the
trial led to the belief that Syria was involved in the
attack on the Israeli jetliner.
1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to
win the World Series.
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation
that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all
of a person's telephone conversation and track people's use
of the Internet.
2001 The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated.
2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered
orbit around Mars.
2002 Microsoft Corp. and Walt Disney Co. announced the release
of an upgraded MSN Internet service with Disney content.
2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde
flight landed.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 23
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
A Californian woman gets stuck in the chimney of a
former date in her second attempt to enter his
home from the roof while he was not there.
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33
years of Soviet rule.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French;
I never did succeed in making those idiots understand
their language.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside
the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on
inside it.
--- Terry Pratchett
A truck driver in Alabama was having lunch at a truck stop
when 8 motorcyclists came in.
They ate his crackers, drank his water, etc., and he made
no move to object.
After he left one of the group laughed and said,
"He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
The waitress behind the counter, looking out the window
said, "He's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran
over 8 motorcycles!"
A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their
teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
First she asked, "Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
He responded, "It goes moo."
The she asked, "Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
Alice replied, "It goes meow."
Next she asked, "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Her response was, "It goes baa."
Finally she questioned one last child, "Jennifer, what sound
does a mouse make?"
She replied, "Er, it goes ... click!"
This is a classic, that has been around before:
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like
an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and
forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations".
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in
interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next
door neighbor.
"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said.
"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture:
Click through for the large picture
Gorge At Watkins Glen

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and a DARWIN AWARD goes to
Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa,30, Thousand Oaks, California
A Californian woman gets stuck in
the chimney of a former date in her second
attempt to enter his home from the roof while
he was not there.
Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, 30, was arrested Sunday morning
after police say she spent a few hours stuck in a chimney
of a home of a man who had recently ended a relationship
with her.
A neighbor heard the suspect crying at about 5:45 a.m. and
called 911. The Ventura County Fire Department's search and
rescue squad came to the scene and found Nunez-Figueroa
stuck in the chimney about eight feet from the top.
She had been there an estimated two hours, Capt. Renee
Ferguson of the Ventura County Sheriff’s Department told
KTLA TV.
In order to free Nunez-Figueroa, the rescue crew had to
dismantle the chimney and lubricate her with dish soap.
The suspect was finally removed from the chimney around
8:15 a.m. and was transported to a hospital to be evaluated.
After the evaluation, Nunez-Figueroa was arrested on
suspicion of illegal entry and giving false information to
police, NBC Los Angeles reports.
The suspect's bail was set at $2,500 and she is due in court
on Tuesday.
The homeowner, who only gave his name as "Lawrence," was away
from the house when the incident happened.
He told CBS Los Angeles that he knew Nunez-Figueroa.
“It wasn’t Santa Claus, for sure,” Lawrence told the station.
“Having someone in your chimney is like kind of a weird thing
you wouldn’t expect to come home to."
Lawrence told authorities he had met the suspect online and
went out with her six times before ending things recently.
“It’s actually the second attempt for her trying to access
the inside of my house, from the roof,” Lawrence told CBS
Los Angeles. “Which just goes to show you,” he said, “you
have to be careful who you meet online.”
Although Lawrence now has to deal with a dismantled chimney,
Nunez-Figueroa's family has offered to pay for the repair,
saying the suspect is a good person.

Tech Support Pits
From: Irene
Re: 65,000 Search Engines
Dear Webby,
I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about
submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for
$129. Is that a good deal?
Irene
Dear Irene
How many different search engines do you use? One? Two?
How many different search engines do your clients use?
Search for example for recognize a spoof on
Google, MSN, Yahoo.
They all will show you relevant and useful answers,
and there is no need to check any other search engines.
In addition to that, the better search engines totally
ignore submissions, especially from paid submission
services.
If you know of any search engine that specializes on
your topic and is used by your clients, you can try
submitting your site to that one. They will probably
just trash the submission, but the effort might point
out ways to improve your site.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dryer lint for fire starter
My parents are taking us camping. We always have to buy
those expensive fire starter logs. I had the idea to save
our dryer lint and stuff it inside our empty toilet paper
rolls. It's free and you never run out of it. It is very
easy to catch on fire. We've tried it before and it lights
up like a torch.
By purplerose [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Housewives aren't the only ones struggling in the suburbs.
One nursery in my town advertised, 'Desperate Houseplants-
25% off!'
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war
and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say
you're opposed to war?"
Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked,
"Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?"
A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised
his hand.
"Johnny?" the teacher said.
"I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history,
and I hate History!"
Thanks to Billy for this story:
I was the last to leave the office one Friday
evening and managed to lock myself out without
my overcoat and wallet.
Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking
an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard
the seam of my suit trousers rip apart.
About then I realized I needed a screwdriver
to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud.
Seconds later the elevator doors next to my
office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the
middle of the floor.
There was a crackle from the wall speaker next
to the elevator. "This is security," said a
female voice.
"There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't
have a needle or thread for your pants!"

Today in
1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a
public solo airplane flight in the United States.
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to
vote with a march in New York City, NY.
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great
Depression.
1942 During World War II, the British began a major offensive
against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt.
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary
and eventually suppress the uprising.
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded
the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse
the honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won
the award for writing "Dr. Zhivago".
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon."
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
seat Communist China.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over
the subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair.
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of
hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications.
1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address
the U.N. General Assembly.
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33
years of Soviet rule.
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese
emperor to stand on Chinese soil.
1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President
Bill Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the
war-torn Bosnia.
1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and
Palestinian Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough
in a land-for-peace West Bank accord.
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II.
2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and
Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and
exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program with
Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to exclusive
"E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise starting in fall
2001. The film was scheduled for re-release in the spring
of 2002.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 22
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's Bonehead Award
AND a Darwin award go to a 21 year old Mexican,
who shot a selfie with a '38.
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute
jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Only sick music makes money today.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
>From Donna
AS A NURSE in a maternity unit, I've had to answer all kinds
of questions from patients and their families. I couldn't
help but notice that one expectant father seemed particularly
interested in the electronic fetal monitor. "Would it hurt
anything if I just turned this dial up and down from time
to time?" he asked.
"No," I answered, "but why would you want to do that?"
Smiling wistfully, the dad explained, "I know from experience
it's the only time in a child's life I'll be able to
control the volume."
I was on board the USS Kitty Hawk when we docked in the Sri
Lankan capital, Colombo. One morning, as the local fishing
fleet passed by on its way out to sea, a boat came too close
to our ship.
A Marine held up a sign warning the captain to stay away,
and he complied. But the next day, the boat was back. This
time, the fisherman held something.
The nervous Marine pointed to his rifle. The fisherman
lifted the object and unfurled it, revealing a sign of
his own. In perfect English it read,
"Your Sign Is Upside Down."
Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since
it was many years since they were invited anywhere, they
read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to
attend a wedding.
All was fine until they reached the last line. Confused,
Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this "RSVP" mean?"
Selma was at a loss, as for the life of her, she simply
couldn't remember. Finally, after racking her brain for
hours, she cries out: "Vait! Vait! I remember! I remember!
RSVP!! It means.. "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture:
Click through for the large picture
Japanese Maple Portland Oregon

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and a DARWIN AWARD goes to
Oscar Otero Aguilar, 21, Mexico City, Mexico
Mexican Veterinarian took
a fatal selfie with a '38
It may seem obvious, but if you must take a gun selfie,
it’s probably best you point the barrel away from your head.
Oscar Otero Aguilar learned that lesson the hard way,
accidentally killing himself while posing for a selfie with
a .38 pointing toward – that’s right – his head.
The incident happened last weekend just north of Mexico City.
Reports suggest the 21-year-old veterinarian had been
partying with friends, and grabbed his smartphone – and a
gun – for a selfie that he intended to post on Facebook.
Neighbor Manfredo Paez Paez told local news media that he
heard the tragic accident take place.
“I heard a gunshot, and then I heard somebody screaming and
realized somebody had been hurt,” Paez said, adding,
“I called the police straight away and when they arrived
they found that he was still alive.”
Medics battled to save the man, but he died on the way to
hospital.
Aguilar was something of a selfie obsessive, with a desire
to take ever more impressive selfies and other snaps of
himself to post on social media” as part of a growing
collection that included photos of himself “in front of
fast cars, sitting on expensive motorbikes, hugging beautiful
women, and posing in a band to make himself appear something,
that he was not.

Tech Support Pits
From: Elsa
Re: Monitor interference
Dear Webby,
While we are renovating, we are using a door laying flat
on four short file cabinets as a desk. I sit on the handle side
and my hubby sits on the hinge side. The monitors sit side
by side in the middle, one facing east, one facing west.
Neat solution, right? NOT! When both monitors are on, they
flicker like crazy and the colors are weird. Obviouly they are
interfering with each other. Moving them apart makes the
seating awkward and is not a solution. So, what IS the
solution?
Elsa
Dear Elsa
Sounds like you have good, old-fashioned 4:3 aspect ratio
CRT monitors, not the sawed off modern ones with stretched
pictures. Good for you!
Take the side cover off one of your computers, and stick it
between the monitors. A real tin cookie sheet will work too,
but not aluminum or stainless steel.
The cheap side-covers of computers made from melted down
Chevys and Fords are ideal. The cheaper the iron, the more
it shields EMF. You will be amazed how suddenly the
flickering stops when you slide that metal in between
the monitors.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade fly trap
Take any jar and squirt some jelly inside. Put a funnel
in the jar. Some flies will go into the jar through the
funnel and some will hang around the outside lid of the
jar. Vacuum the outside flies, then lift the funnel a bit
and vacuum the inside flies that are still flying around,
not the ones that have died. When you vacuum the flies
from the jar, look around the room, near the ceiling for
other flies, and vacuum them too.
Now, locate the food source of the flies. It could be a
compost pail, a garbage pail, cat litter or even a piece
of fruit that has fallen behind the stove. Once you have
gotten rid of your current infestation, change the litter,
compost, etc. every 6 or 7 days. This will prevent any fly
maggots from maturing to the adult stage, because it takes
them at least 8 days.
You can use a similar process for killing outdoor mosquitoes.
Give them one or more dishes of water, placed in the shade,
like under a bush. The female will lay her eggs in the water.
Change the water every six days, which is not long enough for
the eggs to hatch.
By jean99 [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

AS PART of an effort at Fort Sill, Okla., to improve relations
with the surrounding community, my unit held a car wash in the
parking lot of a downtown business, with the profits to go to local
charities. Volunteers received three-day passes, so there was no
shortage of manpower, and we all decided to wear our camouflage
uniforms to clearly identify us as soldiers. But it never occurred to
us that the purpose of the "Company C Charity Car Wash" might be
misunderstood until we overheard a man telling his wife,
"These defense cutbacks must be really serious!"
Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved
to a gated community. Both flew out the window the night I
called a local pizza shop for a delivery.
"I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said,
then gave him the address of our condominium.
"We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other
end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"

Today in
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It
later became known as Princeton University.
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute
jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.
1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally
elected president of the Republic of Texas.
1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment" among
those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected to come
to an end according to the followers of William Miller.
1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament.
1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing
money from many New York banks.
1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO).
1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to
inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces
to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the discovery
of Soviet missile bases on the island.
1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The spacecraft
had orbited the Earth 163 times.
1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was allowed
into the U.S. for medical treatment.
1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization was
decertified by the federal government for its strike the
previous August.
1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in which
it defied Western definitions of civil liberties.
1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in July.
2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days) for
the longest continuous human occupation of space. It had been
continously inhabited since November 2, 2000.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 21
The people two houses down the street hired a landscaper to
rake their leaves and haul them away. Once he was done with
that, the West wind picked up and hauled my leaves away.
By the time I went for my evening walk with Copper, their
lawn had more leaves on it than mine. That system has
worked quite well for me and I don't plan on buying a leaf
rake in the forseeable future.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Wanted Woman Arrested After Demanding
Police Remove Unflattering Facebook Photo
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution,
was launched in Boston's harbor.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading
information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
--- Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980)
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were
sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked
out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two big men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily
ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc.
It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give
you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!"
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture:
Click through for the large picture
SlopePoint NZ

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Monica Hargrove,
Wanted Woman Arrested After Demanding
Police Remove Unflattering Facebook Photo
Ohio Police say a woman was so upset by the unflattering
photo detectives posted to Facebook that she called them
and demanded that it be removed, leading to her arrest.
"This is a first for us," Denise Alex-Bouzounis, public
information officer with the Columbus Police Department,
told The Huffington Post. "She really didn't want her
face out there for everyone to see."
According to Alex-Bouzounis, she posted 34-year-old
Monica Hargrove's mug shot to the department's Facebook
page on Sept. 10, as part of a weekly roundup called
"Warrant Wednesday."
"It included her mug shot, her name and information
about the crime," said Alex-Bouzounis.
The Facebook post read, in part:
"On August 30th Hargrove offered a female acquaintance a
ride to a pharmacy on E. Main St. to pick up a prescription.
After the acquaintance got the prescription and got back in
the vehicle, Hargrove robbed the victim at gunpoint,
leaving her on the side of the road."
According to The Columbus Dispatch, Hargrove had been
indicted in the case for aggravated-robbery and kidnapping.
The Facebook post, which garnered 64 shares and some 54
thousand pages views, did not go unnoticed by Hargrove.
Police say the woman was so upset by the mug shot photo,
which she considered unflattering, that she called within
48 hours of the post.
"She contacted the detective listed on the Facebook post
and said, 'Hey, I want my picture down,'" Alex-Bouzounis
said. "
[The detective] said, 'Come on in and we'll talk about it.'"
And, police say, that is exactly what Hargrove did.
"She came in and he put her under arrest," said Alex-Bouzounis.
"Warrant Wednesday" has proven to be such a success for the
police department that they plan to continue using Facebook
to hunt down wanted individuals.
"We've had a lot of Facebook followers help turn people in,"
said Alex-Bouzounis.

Tech Support Pits
From: Neil
Re: Script error fix for IE
At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
I read about the script errors in today's tech support and
offer these possible solutions from ms support, and Major
Geeks.
I went online with a tech at HP and he sent me to
http://windowsxp.mvps.org/IEFIX.htm which fixed the problem.
He also had me uncheck the box at Tools>Internet Options>Advanced>
Enable Third Party Browser Extensions
VOILA! No more script errors.
Neil
Dear Neil
I have not used IE for years because of security problems,
but I would expect extremely hostile opposition to turning
off all the Third Party Browser Extensions, that make IE
compatible to the other browsers, or that make life a lot
easier.
For just one example, turning off RoboForm? NFW!!!!!
People, who use RoboForm a dozen times a day would much
rather turn off IE.
Other subscribers suggested to give Adobe 2 or more MB of
disk space to cache files, so that it will pop a pop-up
asking whether to stop a script or to continue.
With Chrome and FireFox that works OFTEN, but sometimes you
still have to hit CTRL - SHIFT - ESC to bring up the task
manager and kill the browser.
It helps often, but not always.
By the way, if you kill the browser that way, both FF and
Chrome ask you whether you want to restore your 75 open
tabs when you restart the browser. You don't loose anything
when you axe those browsers that way.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade fly trap
Take any jar and squirt some jelly inside. Put a funnel
in the jar. Some flies will go into the jar through the
funnel and some will hang around the outside lid of the
jar. Vacuum the outside flies, then lift the funnel a bit
and vacuum the inside flies that are still flying around,
not the ones that have died. When you vacuum the flies
from the jar, look around the room, near the ceiling for
other flies, and vacuum them too.
Now, locate the food source of the flies. It could be a
compost pail, a garbage pail, cat litter or even a piece
of fruit that has fallen behind the stove. Once you have
gotten rid of your current infestation, change the litter,
compost, etc. every 6 or 7 days. This will prevent any fly
maggots from maturing to the adult stage, because it takes
them at least 8 days.
You can use a similar process for killing outdoor mosquitoes.
Give them one or more dishes of water, placed in the shade,
like under a bush. The female will lay her eggs in the water.
Change the water every six days, which is not long enough for
the eggs to hatch.
By jean99 [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged
man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a
ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the
highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track.
I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I
was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so
quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said.
By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third
time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better
view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.
"Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times !"
WHILE ON THE FREEWAY in Los Angeles, I was behind a pack of
cars. The last driver was on the phone and drifting all over
the road. This did not escape the attention of a California
Highway Patrol officer, who snuck up behind her and said over
his loudspeaker, "If you can't stay in your lane while on
the phone, pull over until the call is completed."
Immediately eight cars pulled over and one took off like
he thought he was faster than the Highway Patrol.

Today in
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution,
was launched in Boston's harbor.
1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain.
The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet.
1849 The first tattooed man, James F. O’Connell, was put on
exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in New York City, NY.
1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris.
1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp.
It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out.
1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during WWI near
Nancy, France.
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per
minute on a manual typewriter.
1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the
Electric Show in New York City, NY.
1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had fined
29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations.
1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was
captured by U.S. troops.
1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time.
1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet.
1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, in
opposition to the Vietnam War.
1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to
Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there.
1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The action
was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five American
diplomats.
1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was released
after nearly five years of being imprisoned.
1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring
North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to inspections.
2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial
birth abortions.
2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's offer
of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the communist
nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons program.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 20
Dad is OK.
He went up into the mountains today and hiked a bit up there.
High altitude seems to help him considerably.
He noticed that they had painted his outline on the road,
where the bimbo's car had tossed him to, with bright red
paint, to embarrass that bimbo every time she drives by,
and also to remind all other drivers not to back out without
checking to see if the sidewalk was clear.
Apparently they now paint the "crime scene" outlines in
white if there was no blood, and in red if there was blood.
He got a good chuckle out of that.
His injuries are healing nicely, and did not stop him from
some short hikes.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Boy, 8, crashed suv after drunk dad let him drive
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam
War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs."
1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves
as the sole cause of all our adversities.
--- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC)
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given
an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand --
to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.
The husband stood up and shrugged saying,
"This doesn't feel so bad."
The Lamaze instructor then dropped a pen and asked the
husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant,
the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife
and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have
to hear about all the men she could have married, and
she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Thanks to Brenda from TriangleB for this picture of one
of her Tennessee Walking Horses and the pup
b
Click through for the large picture
Windows support techs commuting to work

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Frank Gordon Conway, 46, Robinson, PA
Drunk dad let 8 year old boy drive
An intoxicated Pennsylvania father told police that he
“did not see a problem” with allowing his eight-year-old
son to drive his SUV, which the boy crashed into a tree
late one night, according to court records.
Frank Gordon Conway, 46, was allegedly plastered when he
let the child take over the driving duties around 9 PM on
August 4. The boy, police noted, was seated between his
father’s legs in the driver’s seat of a 2014 Jeep Grand
Cherokee.
The child, who was steering the vehicle and controlling
its pedals, told police that he “drove in the yard, on
the street and in the parking lot of the V.F.W. before
re-entering the yard and hitting the wrong pedal which
caused him to strike a tree,” according to an October
14 probable cause affidavit.
The car struck a tree near Conway’s home in Robinson, a
township about 12 miles west of Pittsburgh.
The boy suffered injuries to his face and sternum in the
crash, police reported. During a post-accident interview
at the Indiana Regional Medical Center, a “highly
intoxicated” Conaway told cops that he “did not see a
problem” with his son driving the vehicle. Following that
admission, “Charges were then filed.”
Pictured above, Conway is facing several criminal counts,
including misdemeanor child endangerment and reckless
endangerment, in connection with the crash. He is
scheduled for a November 19 District Court preliminary
hearing.

Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Script error
At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
More frequently now than ever before, both of my PCs will
seemingly lock up (sometimes for hours) while the message
says it is running a script...I can't do anything while
this is occurring, not even log off or shut down.
Control/Alt/Delete doesn't even work. I have to turn off
the computer manually and upon start the problem is
resolved, but it is annoying. What does 'running a script'
even mean? Can I stop allowing any scripts to run, or
are they a necessary evil?
Sandra
Dear Sandra
90% of the time the "script" is Adobe Flash getting choked
up because Yahoo fails to provide a complete download of
a movie or music or speech.
The "script" is waiting for a continuation of some download.
I don't think there is anything you can do about that, short
of getting a better ISP.
The same thing happens with other ISPs too, just not as
frequently or as seriously.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mark the "Up" Side on Electrical Plugs
Do you have cords to plug into an outlet and are always
trying to plug it in upside down, because of one prong
being wider than the other? In the correct position, put
a dab of white out (liquid or tape) on a dark-colored
plug or draw a black spot with a permanent marker on a
light-colored or white plug. I always do a tiny heart.
Sure has made my life easier - sometimes it's the little
things!
By Vicky from Central KY
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Lisa for this story:
For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed
in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in
the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for
me and one handsome young man. As I continued my
underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam,
he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he.
I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him
coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.
"I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't
get out until you did."
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim
Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what
Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They
say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a
barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice
between a nickel and a dime.
He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to
one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of
you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than
the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger,
or what?"
Junior said, "Nah, if I took the dime, they'd quit giving me
free nickles!"

Today in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI.
1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of
America’s colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all
citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage
all horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting,
exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions
and entertainment."
1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase.
1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary between
the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel.
1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek War for
Independence.
1873 A Hippodrome was opened in New York City by showman
Phineus T. (P.T.) Barnum.
1903 A joint commission ruled in favor of the U.S. concerning
a dispute over the boundary between Canada and the District
of Alaska.
1910 A baseball with a cork center was used in a World Series
game for the first time.
1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that
took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist
Headquarters.
1942 Pierre Laval told the French labor that they must serve
in Germany.
1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines.
1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American
Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist
influence within the motion picture industry.
1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began
in Kenya.
1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis.
1979 The John F. Kennedy Library in Boston was dedicated.
1993 Attorney General Janet Reno warned the TV industry
to limit the violence in their programs.
1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that
banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific.
2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without
safety devices and survived. He was charged with illegally
performing a stunt.
2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 19
Yesterday dad told me on Skype that he had been run over.
He was wearing his bright red windbreaker and was just
peacefully walking on the sidewalk on the way home from
the store, when some bimbo backed out from the bank,
assuming that she was important enough so that traffic
would halt and she could bully her way into the traffic.
When she hit dad, he got thrown into traffic, which was
slow enough, so that cars could screech to a stop.
When he woke up, he was flat on the road, and an ambulance
driver asking if he remembered his name. Then a cop asked
him the same.
He was bloodied on the head and elbows and knees. They
patched that up and then he got hauled to the hospital in
the next town over, where they xrayed him and sent him home.
He was lucky, again, but sure was shook up. Tomorrow, by
the time you read this, he will be taking a bus up into the
mountains and hike a bit up there,
where nobody runs him over.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Virginia perv made child porn in
house where mom ran daycare center
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by
the Berlin Organization Committee.
1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam
War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs."

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough
to suit some people.
--- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)
Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be
watching TV by candlelight?
--- Al Boliska
Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught
that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her
husband was just fine.
She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion
with her.
"Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked,
between tears.
The spiritualist went into a transient state, then replied,
"He says he'd love a package of cigarettes."
"I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully.
"But did he say where I should send them ?"
"No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for
matches."
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill.
Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He
gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from
the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and
ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are
we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on
the ball."
Thanks to Brenda from TriangleB for this picture of one
of her Tennessee Walking Horses and the pup
b
Click through for the large picture
Windows support techs commuting to work

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Justin Patrick Boniewicz, 29, Gainesville, Virginia
Virginia perv made child porn in
house where mom ran daycare center
A Gainesville, Virginia, man is suspected of producing
child porn at his home -- which is also where his mother
ran a licensed daycare center.
Justin Patrick Boniewicz, 29, was arrested Friday and
charged with production of child pornography, solicitation
of child pornography and using communication systems to
facilitate offenses with a minor.
Boniewicz was arrested after a special victims unit learned
about an ongoing investigation involving a 16-year-old New
York girl corresponding with Boniewicz, Prince William
police spokesman Jonathan Perok told InsideNoVa.com.
“As a result of the search of the home, multiple electronic
devices containing evidence of child pornography were seized,”
Perok said.
The suspect allegedly met his underage victim in a chat room
in January and conducted a long distance relationship with her.
He allegedly encouraged the girl to perform sex shows for him
via Skype, according to the Washington Post.
There is no evidence any of the children at the daycare
center were victimized, according to CSNBaltimore.
At least one client of the daycare center doesn't seem worried
by the charges.
"He's a good boy and his momma runs a good daycare," the
unidentified woman told NBC Washington.
A woman at the house who didn't give her name told the
station the business is doing well despite the allegations
against the owner's son.
Boniewicz is being held without bond and a court date for
him is pending.

Tech Support Pits
From: DJ
Re: Bills Firefox Fix
At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
A hundred thousand kudos, Dear Webby . . . for passing on
the "Firefox fix" from Bill. The previous versions of
Firefox (v32, 32.01, 32.02, 32.03) were naught but crapware
in my view, giving me a world of grief in past weeks,
including hijacking my start page, starting up at an
aggravating snail's pace, and refusing to exit gracefully
when closed (I had to force a close by running CCleaner
before I could launch again). And the update to v33 did
not install automatically on my XP, Vista or Win7 laptops.
Arrgh!
After following Bill's advice and turning off the hardware
acceleration option, v32.03 launched briskly on Vista and
I activated the v33 update through the Help>>About Firefox
window. Upon launching v33 the first time my Advanced
SystemCare application notified me that some leftover
Firefox v32.03 files needed to be disposed of--a total of
246 files to be exact! Is Mozilla bucking to follow in the
bloatware tradition Microsoft is so adept at? (Spoken as
a user with her two older laptops configured to dual boot
into either Ubuntu Linux or Windows.)
Thanks again for the daily Tech Support Pits hints. There
are days when I don't find time for the humor, but I never
delete a Humor Letter issue without reading the Tech Pits.
Your advice is more helpful than you'll ever know.
Best . . .
dj
Dear DJ
Glad FF is working OK now.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Razor For Removing Fabric Pills
It seems like it's always your old favorites that get those
awful little fabric pills. Here's a tip that will help your
favorite sweater go from worn out to like new again! Take
a new disposable razor and lightly go across the garment.
Use short strokes while pulling the fabric tight. Don't
press too hard and be careful when going near the seams.
Stop frequently to blow the pills out of the razor. Your
clothes will be looking like new again in no time!
By Shawna G. [10]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding
Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you
ever consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband
replied.
"Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce."
Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into
the college of their choice. As an admissions counselor for
a state university, I took a call from an irate mother who
was demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down.
Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D's, I
explained that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as
the admitted class. "Why doesn't she try anther school for
a year and then transfer?" I suggested.
"Another school!" howled the Mother. "Have you seen her
grades?"

Today in
1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered
to U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia.
It was to be the last major battle of the American
Revolutionary War.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their retreat
out of Russia after a month of chasing the retreating
Russian army.
1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used
to pick up mail in Washington, DC.
1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the
president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts
of Mexico except where Carranza was in control.
1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by
the Berlin Organization Committee.
1943 The Moscow Conference of Foreign Ministers began in
Russia during World War II. Delegates from the U.S.S.R.,
Great Britain, the U.S., and China met to discuss war aims
and cooperation between the nations.
1944 The play "I Remember Mama" opened on Broadway. Marlon
Brando made his debut with his appearance.
1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be allowed
into Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service (WAVES).
1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean
capital of Pyongyang.
1951 U.S. President Truman singed an act officially ending the
state of war with Germany.
1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba
covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain
food products.
1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam
War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs."
1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City.
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional amendment
that barred the desecration of the American flag.
1993 Benazir Bhutto was returned to the premiership of Pakistan.
1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing
license back after he had lost it for biting Evander Holyfield's
ear during a fight.
2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear
plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the banks
of the Thames River. He survived only on water for 44 days.
Blaine had entered the box on September 5.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 18
Thank you Gloria!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Canadian couple ferrying dope from Las Vegas to California
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one
year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from
Spain.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

He who asks is a fool for five minutes,
but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
--- Chinese Proverb
There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid
the labor of thinking.
--- Thomas A. Edison
A man can be happy with any woman
as long as he does not love her.
--- Oscar Wilde
The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.
"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.
"Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!"
"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health. They are taking care
of you, aren't they?"
"Yes, they are taking very good care of me."
"Are you in any pain?" she asked.
"No, I have never had a pain in years."
"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.
The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has
already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all
wondering where I went."
Thanks to Bob for this report:
I attended Palm Beach Atlantic College in Florida. It's only
about a mile from the ocean, so students frequently go to
the beach, even between classes. One day I was meeting with
our dean, when he stopped me in the middle of our conversation
and asked if I was an "A" student.
Puzzled, I replied, "Mostly, why do you ask?"
"You don't have a tan," he explained. "Around here, the darker
the tan, the lower the grade."
Thanks to Brenda from TriangleB for this picture of one
of her Tennessee Walking Horses and the pup
b
Click through for the large picture
Tourists in Las Vegas, looking for anybody with a pool
or air conditioning.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
No official mug shots available yet
Krista Boseley, 30 and Gilles Lapointe, 61
Wannabe Playboy Model In
Ecstasy Trafficking Bust
OCTOBER 15--A wannabe Playboy model and a male associate
were arrested by federal agents after flying into a
California airport from Las Vegas in a private plane
loaded with a massive cache of Ecstasy pills and powder,
according to court records.
Acting on information that the plane may have been involved
with the smuggling of drugs or currency, investigators
questioned the duo upon landing last Thursday at John Wayne
Airport in Orange County.
Krista Boseley, 30, and pilot Gilles Lapointe, 61, were both
carrying large sums of cash that they claimed to have won
the prior evening at the Bellagio casino. The pair, both of
whom are Canadian citizens, subsequently had their bags
searched after a drug detection dog alerted to the presence
of narcotics.
As detailed in a U.S. District Court complaint, agents found
about 30,000 Ecstasy pills in Lapointe’s luggage, and another
28,000 pills inside the plane. The aircraft (seen below)
also contained nearly 90 pounds of powdered Ecstasy and a
“GPS Tracker Detector” that, investigators allege, is used
by drug smugglers “to determine whether law enforcement has
placed a tracking device on their vehicles or planes.”
Boseley, pictured above, and Lapointe were arrested after
agents found the Ecstasy stash. Boseley denied knowledge
of the drugs being trafficked or “anything illegal.”
Lapointe, however, appears to have made incriminating
statements to agents, though they are not detailed in
the felony complaint charging the duo with conspiracy
to distribute narcotics.
Following Boseley’s arrest, investigators learned that
she had been stopped last year by Los Angeles Police
officers who found her with more than $40,000 in cash.
“Boseley stated at that time that the money belonged
to someone else.” She was also found in possession of
a receipt showing that Lapointe’s plane had been refueled
at the Santa Barbara airport.

Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Fixed FireFox
At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
It's Bill again, this time with good news.
I discovered that holding down the shift key when stating
Firefox, brings up a small option box. Click on "start the
program in safe mode". Firefox then appears as it should.
Go to the three bar "toolbox" and check "options". Under
"advanced" uncheck the box "use hardware acceleration where
available". Click OK and restart Firefox. It now runs as
the program that we have all come to know and love....
at least it worked for me.
Thanks again for your help.
All the best.
Bill
Dear Bill
Thank you for that extremely valuable information!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Natural Remedy for Armpit Odor
I come from a tropical country when I was a kid.
I remember at school the teacher would make us rub lime
with baking soda, that used to work very well!
By mremis [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.
Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and
he told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game.
What questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions, like, "Why did you
hit the ball into that lake?"
Tom was in his early 50’s retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a
quandary about how to deal with it.
Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic.
You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is
quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to
hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late.
I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they
say if you came in late there?"
They said, "Good morning, General. Here is your coffee!"

Today in
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. The
marriage united all the dominions of Spain.
1685 King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes,
which had established the legal toleration of the
Protestant population.
1767 The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the
boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania.
1842 Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph
cable.
1860 British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of
the Second Opium War.
1867 The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia.
The land was purchased of a total of $7 million dollars
(2 cents per acre).
1892 The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago,
IL, and New York City, NY, was opened.
1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one
year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from
Spain.
1929 The Judicial Committee of England’s Privy Council ruled
that women were to be considered as persons in Canada.
1944 Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during WWII.
1956 NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of radio-
equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks.
1958 The first computer-arranged marriage took place on Art
Linkletter's show.
1969 The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners due to
evidence that they caused cancer.
1970 Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to death
after eight days of being held captive by the Quebec
Liberation Front (FLQ).
1983 General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities
for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission.
1985 South African authorities hanged black activist Benjamin
Moloise. Moloise had been convicted of murdering a police
officer.
1989 Egon Krenz became the leader of East Germany after Erich
Honecker was ousted. Honeker had been in power for 18 years.
1997 A monument honoring U.S. servicewomen, past and present,
was dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery.
2013 Saudi Arabia became the first nation to reject a seat
on the United Nations Security Council. Jordan took the
seat on December 6.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Principal arrested for
Sexual Relations With Teen
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY.
It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War.

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With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from
blind belief in another.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon,
but its echo lasts a great deal longer.
--- Oliver Wendell Holmes
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money
used to be.
--- Socratex
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an
attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and
and flattering him outrageously. He liked the young lady,
but he was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent
pitch. Hhe was really amazed when after 30 minutes she
seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can
you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5
years I've been working in the back office at the bank where
you have your account. I know all I ned to know about you."
Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we
come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -
chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest
hunters on earth!
Thanks to Brenda from TriangleB for this picture of one
of her Tennessee Walking Horses and the pup
b
Click through for the large picture
Dolly Dapples, and the pup hauling a BIG stick

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Phillip Brock II, 37, in Troy, Missouri
Principal arrested for
Sexual Relations With Teen
An elementary school principal in Troy, Missouri, is behind
bars after being charged with 10 counts of sexual contact
with a teenager.
Phillip Brock II, 37, the principal of William Cappel
Elementary School, was arrested Thursday after the alleged
underage victim told police he had engaged in sexual contact
with the suspect at least 20 times since May
The student said that the last encounter was Sept. 14,
KMOV.com reports.
The teenager consented to a search of his cellphone, and
police found text messages sent from Brock, according to
the Troy Police Department.
Armed with a search warrant, officials seized several items
from Brock's home in Lincoln County, Missouri. Brock is
currently at the Lincoln County Jail in lieu of
$500,000 bond.
He has been placed on paid administrative leave by the
Lincoln County R-III School District.

Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Fake FireFox
At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
Firefox worked great until I installed the latest version
32.0. Now, all I get is a blank screen with no icons or
printing. I also downloaded a virus with this version. It
took Avast hours to get rid of it.
I am using Windows 7.
I also upgraded Firefox on my notebook which uses Windows XP.
It works fine.
I tried system restore and that did nothing. I really need
your help.
Thanks.
Bill
Dear Bill
If you got a virus alongside with a fake update,
then you got a fake update from something,
that was sneakier than AVAST.
By the way, the current version is 34, not 32.
I am using 33 and will update to 34 soon.
Your 32 is just a trojan.
The real 32 is at
Firefox 32.0.3
(That is the complete installer)
Obviously, AVAST did not stop that infection from coming in,
and most likely, it is still there, just fooling Avast.
Try Malwarebytes from http://webby.com/malwarebytes
to clean up. Use the free trial.
Do I sound like a broken record?
After that, get a legitimate Firefox from Firefox directly,
not from a virus distributor.
All versions of FireFox from 0.8 to 34 are at
https://ftp.mozilla.org/pub/mozilla.org/firefox/releases/
Just use Chrome to download one.
You might also want to consider getting something a bit stronger
than AVAST, for example McAfee.
Do I sound like a broken record?
Good Luck!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Natural Remedy for Armpit Odor
I come from a tropical country when I was a kid.
I remember at school the teacher would make us rub lime
with baking soda, that used to work very well!
By mremis [1]
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few
hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an
old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in
Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver,
"Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?"
The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand
times, but this is the first time, ever,
in the passive pluperfect subjunctive."
An office technician got a call from a computer user. The
user told the tech that her computer was not working. She
described the problem and the tech concluded that her com-
puter needed to be brought in and serviced.
He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here
and I'll fix it for you."
About ten minutes later she showed up at his door,
with the electrical cord in her hand.

Today in
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George II
so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of exposed
and deserted young children" in Londond, England.
1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY.
It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War.
1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine"
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939.
1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after
leaving Germany.
1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina
after staging a coup in Buenos Aires.
1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries
including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident
stemmed from Western support of Israel when Egypt and
Syria attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The
embargo lasted until March of 1974.
1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored
full U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President
Jefferson Davis.
1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified
radical mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland.
1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit
the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused
about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to
$7 billion.
1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace
treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war.
1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara
were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after
his execution in Bolivia.
2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened
to the public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's
other exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam
and Las Vegas.
2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical
Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out the
assassination to avenge the killing of its leader by
Israel 2 months earlier.
2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because
of troop movements by India in the disputed territory of
Kashmir. India said that the movements were part of a
normal troop rotation.
2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was kidnapped
by the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was released on
April 8, 2002.
2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved
a drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's
symptoms.
2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished
1,676-foot-tall-building called Taipei 101. The building
was planned to open for business in 2004.
2003 In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station
reopened as a heritage center.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 16
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Italian nurse arrested for
killing 38 patients
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers
using the name Ann Landers.

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Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
--- Slovenian Proverb
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give
to an old lady in the park. Her mother was
touched by the child's kindness and gave her
the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother.
"But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."
Maggie has a particularly outrageous rapport with her son.
He argues and fights with her all the time.
Finally having had enough, she takes her son to a psychologist.
After two sessions, the doctor speaks with the mother.
"Madam, your son suffers from an Oedipus Complex."
"Oedipus, Schmoedipus," replies Maggie, "It's all the same
to me. The important thing is that he loves his mother!"
Click through for the large picture

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Daniela Poggiali,42, Lugo, Italy
Italian nurse arrested for
killing 38 patients
A nurse in Italy is accused of killing 38 patients because
she thought they were “annoying.”
Daniela Poggiali was arrested Friday on murder charges,
Italian newspaper Corriere di Bologna reports. The
42-year-old nurse caught the attention of authorities after
the April death of 78-year-old Rosa Calderoni, according
to the Independent’s translation of Italian
Calderoni was admitted to a hospital in the town of Lugo
with a diabetes-related ailment, and died from what officials
believe was a fatal injection of potassium chloride.
Prosecutors say that their investigation is more difficult
because potassium chloride fades from the bloodstream
within a couple days, making it hard to detect.
Calderoni’s death occurred while Poggiali was on duty, and
the resulting investigation found that 37 other patients
also died mysteriously on her watch. Authorities now suspect
that Poggiali may have killed them all because she thought
that they or their families were irritating.
Police say the nurse’s cell phone included a photo of her
making the thumbs-up sign next to a patient’s corpse,
according to the New York Post. She may face additional
charges for disrespecting the dead.

Tech Support Pits
From: Attila
Re: Can't download McAfee
At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
Thanks for your help - but I still can't click on any of
the McAfee ads. Tried on my Dell desktop on Google- no
clickability. Sent it to yahoo-same dell no response as
well. Tried it on a Macbook and I-Pad - Still no response.
I have no problem clicking on any thing else.
Any suggestions?
Best wishes as always to you and Ophelia!
The two best newsletters anywhere!
Attila
Dear Attila
The links are a disguise to get past many viruses and trojans
that block you from getting name brand protection,
and they are:
http://webby.com/mac
that goes to
http://www.mcafeestore.com/store/mcafee ... ent/en_US/
pbPage.aff_us_total_protection?affiliateprogramtype=833&utm_source=
ond&utm_medium=affiliate&ClickID=cwi7qwafaplaanl4zezlikxqvfnw77vvezki
&resid=VDyGQwrR-gIAABaN9ecAAAAU&rests=1413442289328
The Buy Now in there goes to the cart with the $44.99 Total Protection
https://www.mcafeestore.com/store?Action=DisplayPage&Locale=en_US
&SiteID=mcafeeus&id=QuickBuyCartPage
If none of that works, then your infection blocks anything
McAfee related.
That is actually quite common. The first thing most serious
Trojans and viruses do is block all the big name brand
anti-virus programs.
Try MalwareBytes at http://webby.com/malwarebytes. Their
"Cameleon" usually gets through anyway, and quite often
manages to clean up.
After that you should be able to download McAfee safely.
Good Luck!
DearWebby

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Disposable Vacuum Bags
I have an expensive vacuum cleaner that takes expensive
bags. To save on buying new bags for my vacuum, I simply
cut the bottom off the bag, empty it, and duct tape the
bottom shut. Voila! I have a recycled vacuum cleaner bag.
By Dee from Salem, VA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two buddies, Tony and Billy, are getting very
drunk at a bar when suddenly Billy throws up all over himself. "Oh, no.
Now Jane will kill me!"
Tony says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty
in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone
threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually, Billy rolls into home and his Jane starts to give him a bad time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over
yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says:
"Nowainaminit,I can e'splain everything!
Itsh not what you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy
got sick on me... he'd had one too many and he just couldn't hold his
liquor. He said he was very sorry an' gave me $20 bucks for the
cleaning bill!"
Jane looks in the breast pocket and says:
"But this is forty bucks."
"Oh, yeah... I almos' forgot" says Billy,
"he crapped in my pants, too....!!"
He never saw the frying pan, but vaguely remembers hearing
a gong.
Thanks to Dianne for this story:
As the lone female in our household, I find that certain
male habits have really begun to get on my nerves.
One day, I emerged from my teenage son's bathroom
completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband.
"What is it with guys that they won't replace the toiler paper!"
I raged.
"I know." he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that
too when I was just in there."

Today in
1701 The Collegiate School was founded in Killingworth, CT.
The school moved to New Haven in 1745 and changed its name
to Yale College.
1829 In Boston, MA, the first modern hotel in America opened.
The Tremont Hotel had 170 rooms that rented for $2 a day
and included four meals.
1859 Abolitionist John Brown led a raid on Harper's Ferry,
VA (now located in West Virginia).
1869 A hotel in Boston became the first in the U.S. to
install indoor plumbing.
1916 Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic
in New York City, NY.
1923 Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute
the Alice Comedies. This event is recognized as the start
of the Disney Company.
1928 Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted electric
light bulb.
1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow.
1941 Romanians entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating
150,000 Jews.
1943 Chicago's new subway system was officially opened.
1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers
using the name Ann Landers.
1962 U.S. President Kennedy was informed that there were
missile bases in Cuba, beginning the Cuban missile crisis.
1964 China detonated its first atomic bomb becoming the
world's fifth nuclear power.
1967 NATO headquarters opened in Brussels.
1970 Anwar Sadat was elected president of Egypt to succeed
Gamal Abdel Nassar.
1973 Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were named winners of
the Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese official declined
the award.
1982 China announced that it had successfully fired a
ballistic missile from a submarine.
1987 Rescuers freed Jessica McClure from the abandoned well
that she had fallen into in Midland, TX. she was trapped
for 58 hours.
1993 The U.N. Security Council approved the deployment of
U.S. warships to enforce a blockade on Haiti to increase
pressure on the controlling military leaders.
1995 The "Million Man March" took place in Washington, DC.
1997 Charles M. Schulz and his wife Jeannie announced that
they would give $1 million toward the construction of a
D-Day memorial to be placed in Virginia.
2000 It was announced that Chevron Corp. would be buying
Texaco Inc. for $35 billion. The combined company was
called Chevron Texaco Corp. and became the 4th largest
oil company in the world.
2002 It was reported that North Korea had told the U.S.
that it had a secret nuclear weapons program in violation
of an 1994 agreement with the U.S.
2002 The Arthur Andersen accounting firm was sentenced to
five years probation and fined $500,000 for obstructing
a federeal investigation of the energy company Enron.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 15
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Wichita man, who raped a 100 year old woman.
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
2001 NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of
Jupiter's moon Io. Nobody was out on that day.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Talent hits a target no one else can hit;
Genius hits a target no one else can see.
--- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)
For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered
a cake with this inscription:
"You may be getting older
But you are getting better."
Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said,
"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top
and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve
the cake that he discovered that the cake read:
YOU MAY BE GETTING
OLDER AT THE TOP
YOU ARE GETTING
BETTER AT THE BOTTOM
>From Bill
One of my jobs in the Army is to give service members and
their families tours of the demilitarized zone in South
Korea. Before taking people to a lookout point to view
North Korea, we warn visitors to watch their heads climbing
the stairs, as there is a low overhang. The tour guide,
first to the top, gets to see how many people have not
heeded his advice.
On one tour, I watched almost an entire unit hit their
heads one after another as they came up the stairs.
Curious, I asked their commander what unit they were from.
"Military intelligence," he replied.
Click through for the large picture

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kasey Nesbitt, 35, Wichita, Kansas
Wichita man arrested for raping
a 100-year-old woman
A 35-year-old man has been arrested in connection with the
sexual assault last week of a 100-year-old woman, Wichita
police said Friday.
The man was booked into the Sedgwick County Jail on suspicion
of rape and aggravated burglary, Wichita police Capt. Troy
Livingston said.
Police would not name the man, but jail and police records
identified him as Kasey Nesbitt of Wichita. He was arrested
Monday in connection with a separate burglary case, jail
records show.
Nesbitt was arrested Thursday in connection with the woman’s
rape and the burglary of her home. He was already in custody
at the jail at the time for another burglary, by the time
they re-arrested him on the woman's rape, records show.
Kansas Department of Corrections records show Nesbitt has
been in and out of prison since 2000, mostly on burglary
and theft convictions.
The assault occurred overnight on Monday and Tuesday of
last week, Livingston said. The woman walked to a neighbor’s
house at about 7:15 a.m. Sept. 30 and told the neighbor
there were people inside her house in the 800 block of
South Crestway.
“She’s a strong and brave woman who was able to give us
information,” Livingston said of the victim.
“She seems to be doing fine, and her family is taking
care of her.”
Police soon had a suspect, but waited to make an arrest
while they collected more evidence, police said.
The woman, who lives alone, said she was awakened about
9 p.m. by the intruders inside her house, police said.
One or more burglars forced their way inside through a
back door. They remained in the house for several hours.
Investigators are still trying to determine whether any
property was taken.
“This case was harder for our detectives to even grasp,
not just the detectives on the case but all the detectives,”
Livingston said.
“They were all pretty shocked by this.”

Tech Support Pits
From: Anne
Re: How long have Flashlight Trojans been around?
At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
Thank you so much for this info. I already have it on my
phone. I put it on probably a year ago. Was it safe then?
Where and how would I search for it, since I already have
it on? I have a 5s iPhone.
Anne
Dear Anne
As mentioned, the FTC got uptight about it in the summer
of 2013, partly because the Government didn't think it
was right that somebody else beside them was spying on
the tax payers.
Considering the speed of the Government, it would be safe
and prudent to assume, that the flashlight apps have been
around for probably about 3 or more years before that.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hairspray for Removing Nail Polish from Carpet
I hope this helps, I knocked over a container of nail
polishes onto my light blue bedroom carpet. Needless
to say some of them broke, hot pinks, lime greens,
etc. After I blotted up what I could with a napkin,
I used a bottle of liquid hairspray, a brush, and after
scrubbing a bit it came out in no time. Be generous
with the hairspray, I literally poured it on. Any
kind will do.
By Sandy F. [1]
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning.
"I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line."
"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like
to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."
"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied.
"Right now I'd say he's sheepish."
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know
where the Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

Today in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote
island of St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean.
1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to
presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated
that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard.
1892 The U.S. government announced that the land in the
western Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres
were bought from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre.
1937 "To Have and Have Not" by Ernest Hemingway was published
for the first time.
1945 Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was
executed for treason.
1946 Hermann Goering, a Nazi war criminal and founder of
the Gestapo, poisoned himself just hours before his
scheduled execution.
1964 It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev
had been removed from power. He was replaced with
Alexei N. Kosygin.
1983 U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them
down in Beirut International Airport.
1984 The Freedom of Information Act was passed.
1989 Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles Kings,
surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850
career points.
1993 U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade
sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers.
1993 South Africa's President F.W. de Klerk and African
National Congress President Nelson Mandela were named winners
of the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to end the
apartheid system in South Africa.
1997 British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the
land-speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster
than the speed of sound.
1997 The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape
Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, a probe sent back
pictures of Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing.
1998 The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba
for the seventh year in a row.
2001 NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of
Jupiter's moon Io. Nobody was out on that day.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 14
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Oregon woman who played zombie
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring Charlton
Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a cast of 25,000
people.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean
than the things I don't.
--- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
Here's something to think about: How come you never see
a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
--- Jay Leno (1950 - )
Let him that would move the world, first move himself."
--- Socrates
The church next door welcomes all denominations,
but mainly they prefer fifties and twenties.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed
in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today
is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to
explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
"So why is the groom wearing black?"
"Next time you go visit daddy, ask him."
Cindy is taking the driving portion of her driver's
license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well.
She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and
winds up a couple of feet from the curb.
"Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks.
Cindy cheerfully unbuckles her seat belt and slides over
to the examiner. "Now what?"
Click through for the large picture

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jessica Rocha, Reedsport, Oregon
Woman says she was playing 'the zombie game'
when she broke into another woman's home
and bit her on the face
COOS BAY, Ore. (AP) — Authorities in Oregon say a woman
has been arrested after breaking in to a house, pushing a
woman down the stairs, pulling her hair, biting her on the
face and telling her victim she was playing "the zombie game."
Coos County sheriff's Sgt. Pat Downing says Jessica Rocha
broke into the home in coastal city of Lakeside early
Monday. He says she was drunk and likely high.
Downing says there is no definite explanation for the
zombie reference. He says Rocha had property with a
sticker that referenced a video game featuring zombies.
Deputies also speculate she may have been influenced
by a scarecrow contest in the area.
She is held on $77,500 bail and faces arraignment Monday
on multiple charges, including assault.

Tech Support Pits
From: Lily
Re: Is it true about Flashlight Trojans?
At 01:05 PM 10/13/2014, you wrote:
Dear Webby,
LOVE your newsletter, I've been a subscriber for years
but this is the first time that I've written you.
I wanted to ask if its really true about the flashlight app.
That is really scary.
Thanks,
Lily
Dear Lily
Yes, it is true.
If your flashlight app is more than 2 KB,
then you now have a Trojan deep down in the operating
system, that is mining and transmitting your data.
The Flashlight apps also track and report your location!
Somebody KNOWS when you enter the bakery isle at Walmart
or walk past the porn shop!
If you have never used your phone to pay bills or do any
bank or credit card stuff, then it just finks on all your
addresses, and probably tells all of them what kind of neat
flashlight it is.
And of course it reports your exact location!
Even the FTC got uptight about that last summer.
If you have or plan to use your phone for any banking,
save your pictures and other data on http://DropBox.com,
and get your phone provider to reset it to factory standard,
because the OS is infected.
The alternative is to destroy the silly thing and next
time refrain from downloading any large app.
An honest flashlight app is only 1 - 2 KB. It is just
a blank page flashing faster than the eye can see,
just like the LED traffic lights and vehicle brake lights.
It does not take a Megabyte for that. If you see the file
size to be large, then the app has a malicious payload.
Music and movies of course are large, but those are
usually clean.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Wipe Down Library Books
When I get books from the library, I use a spray bottle
with vinegar and spray the book and wipe it down with a
paper towel. The vinegar kills germs and you can see a
lot of dirt removed on the paper towel. This keeps a
lot of germs out of my house and off my hands.
By fancy61 [6]
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A young couple decided they needed an au pair, and arranged
for a girl to come over from Northern Finland. When she arrived,
the wife asked, "Can you cook?"
"No," said the girl, "My mother always did that."
"Can you do housework?" asked the wife.
"No, my oldest sister always did that."
"Well," said the wife, "You'd better just look after the
children."
"I don't know how," said the girl. "My youngest sister
always did that."
"What can you do, then?" asked the wife, in desperation.
"Well," said the Finnish girl brightly,
"I can milk reindeer."
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the
traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy
and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three
to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said,
"You've got to do something about all of these people driving so
fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those drivers."
So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got
to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing
sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff
sends out the county and they put up a new sign: SLOW:
CHILDREN AT PLAY.
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and
called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your
signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own
sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to
have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the
farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided
to call him.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then.
I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone.
The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that
farmer's house and look at that sign. There might be something
there that WE could use to slow down drivers."
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign.
It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters
were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.

Today in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II
of England.
1879 Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D. Husbands
for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile.
1887 Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached an agreement
for the international marketing rights for the phonograph.
1912 Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in
Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not
serious and he continued with his planned speech. William
Schrenk was captured at the scene of the shooting.
1922 Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane
speed record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-hour.
1926 The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made its debut.
1930 Ethel Merman debuted on Broadway in "Girl Crazy."
1933 Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from the
League of Nations.
1943 The Radio Corporation of America finalized the sale of
the NBC Blue radio network. Edward J. Noble paid $8 million
for the network that was renamed American Broadcasting Company.
1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide
rather than face execution after being accused of conspiring
against Adolf Hitler and the execution that would follow.
1944 During World War II, the Second British Parachute
Brigade liberated the city of Athens.
1947 Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot Chuck
Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the first
American to break the sound barrier. German ME111 broke the
sound barrier in 1945, but only downwind.
1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring Charlton
Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a cast of 25,000
people.
1960 U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first
suggested the idea of a Peace Corps.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began when U.S. reconnaissance
aircrafts photographed Soviet construction of intermediate-
range missile sites in Cuba.
1964 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel Peace
Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial prejudice
in America. He was the youngest person to receive the award.
1968 The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S.
spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7.
1970 Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the
death of President Nasser.
1986 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the U.S.
wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with the
arms race in space.
1987 Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned
well in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours.
2002 Britain stripped power from the Catholic and Protestant
politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed sole
responsibility for running Northern Ireland.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 13
Monday is Thanksgiving Day in Canada,
also called St Turkey Day.
Because Canada was discovered and colonized by Hagar
the Horrible's Great-Grandfather 500 years before Columbus
found the Caribbean islands, Canada celebrates Thanksgiving
earlier than the US. The fact that barbecuing at the US
Thanksgiving date would be rather chilli here in the North,
might have something to do with that too.
So, don't expect any replies from anybody in Canada on Monday.
Thanksgiving is a Stat Holiday.
Ironically, in the US the Canadian Thanksgiving Day is
celebrated as Columbus day.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Toledo man, who admitted punching 1 year old girl
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1989 - U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an overthrow
of the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is
that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later;
in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting.
--- Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994)
Walking is the best possible exercise.
Habituate yourself to walk very far.
--- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
out of Atlanta comes this comment:
Americans should be ashamed !
We've eaten so many billions of Buffalo wings,
that many kids today have never seen a buffalo fly!
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho" and
went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through
the barnyard, the visitor tried to impress the ranch hand and
started a conversation. "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd'."
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's
a big bunch of 'em right over there!"
Click through for the large picture
Monarchs are endangered!
Dorothy's Monarch way station:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/453811682/milkweed-for-monarchs-butterfly-garden/posts
Petition to put monarchs onto the Endangered list

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Markeese Cummings, 24, Toledo, Ohio
Toledo man admits punching 1 year old girl
A man in Toledo, Ohio, is in jail after allegedly admitting
that he punched a 1-year-old girl after having sex with
her mother.
The incident happened Monday evening when Markeese Cummings,
24, visited the home of Simone Day, 20.
Day took her daughter into a different room so she and
Cummings could have privacy. Afterwards, she took a shower
while Cummings took the girl downstairs to get himself
a drink, NBC24.com reports.
The girl was crying for her mother when Cummings held her
in his arms. When the girl wouldn't stop her tears, Cummings
allegedly told police he lost his temper and punched the baby.
The baby was hit “on the right side of her face with a
closed fist causing serious harm," according to TSG.
The exact injuries were not made public, but Cummings was
charged with felonious assault and bail was initially
set at $75,000.
Cummings has previously been arrested for robbery,
disorderly conduct, and underage drinking.
Both the suspect and the victim's mother insisted to
police they are "sexual partners only", not friends,
according to the police report.

Tech Support Pits
From: Jaye
Re: Fixed: Highlighted words and pop-ups
Dear webby,
Took your advice and I downloaded Malware Bytes, it took
2 hours to scan for 892 infections , Not to mention, Trojans,
trying to enter... INFECTIONS GONE!!!!!
OMG, you would not believe how much infection was in my Computer.
It roams my Computer constantly searching out Malware...
My Computer is running so smooth again...Now, not one POP-UP either.
Now my internet is clear of Infections...For $24.95 a year for
three Computers is a fabulous deal not to mention a totally
effective Kill engine.
That's what happens when 2 kids play games on a Computer.
I cannot thank you enuf for your all your help over the years.
I would recommend that everyone download it.
Jaye
Dear Jaye
Glad your machine is clean now!
I have seen MalwareBytes in action.
That is why I have recommended it for quite some time.
Just in
>From Lillemor
If you use a flashlight app on a smart-phone,
watch out! It probably is a trojan!
Flashlight app alert
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mark Top of Cans in Drawers
Right now, the cabinet fronts of the kitchen are coming off,
I mean literally falling off! So I moved my food to the
dresser where I keep my dishes for now. Not wanting to
take them all out to find just one, I marked them on the
top. This helped me and I hope it will help you.
By Sandi/Poor But Proud [409]
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Roland went to police station to report his missing wife:
Roland : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and
has still not come home.
Sergeant : What is her height ?
Roland : Oh, 5 something . . .
Sergeant : Build?
Roland : Not slim, kinda, but not really fat.
Sergeant : Color of eyes?
Roland : Never noticed.
Sergeant : Color of hair?
Roland : Changes according to season.
Sergeant : What was she wearing?
Roland : Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Roland : yes.
Sergeant : What kind of car was it?
Roland : 2015 Corvette Stingray LT3 with the Z51 Performance
Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8
engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed
paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats,
and has a very thin scratch from a shopping cart on the
left door. (at this a tear ran down Roland's cheek)
Sergeant : Don't worry sir. We’ll find your car
Supposedly a true story, but it sounds like an Urban Legend:
A British doctor examining a young woman with abdominal
pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she
wasn't. A later examination showed that she was pregnant.
Asked why she said that she was not sexually active, the
woman replied: "I'm not, I just lie there."
When asked if she knew who the father was, with a puzzled
look she replied,
"No. Who?"

Today in
1775 - The U.S. Continental Congress ordered the construction
of a naval fleet.
1792 - The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in
Washington, DC. The building was torched by Caanucks in the
War of 1812 and became known as the White House after it was
fixed up and white-washed in 1818.
1812 - American forces were defeated at the Battle of
Queenstown Heights. The British victory effectively ended
any further U.S. invasion of Canada.
1843 - B'nai B'rith, the Jewish organization, was founded
by Henry Jones and eleven others in New York City, NY.
1854 - The state of Texas ratified a state constitution.
1943 - During World War II, Italy turned coats, signed an
armistice with the Allies and declared war on Germany.
1944 - American troops entered Aachen, Germany during WWII.
1944 - During World War II, British and Greek advance units
landed at Piraeus.
1951 - In Atlanta, GA, a football with a rubber covering was
used for the first time. Georgia Tech beat Louisiana State 25-7.
1953 - An ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel Bagno.
1957 - Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra introduced the Ford Edsel
on an hour long special.
1962 - "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" opened on Broadway.
1981 - Egyptian voters elected Vice President Hosni Mubarak as
the new president one week after Anwar Sadat was assassinated.
1989 - U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an overthrow
of the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega.
1992 - A commercial flight record was set by an Air France
supersonic jetliner for circling the Earth in 33 hours and
one minute.
2010 - Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped underground
in San José Mine. The miners were rescued after 69 days
underground.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 9
Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into
the eyeballs. That means no Friday, Saturday or Sunday
newsletters will get sent out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Robber, who attempted to hold up
boxing champion clerk, got clobbered
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
--- Lee Iacocca (1924 - )
We are the people our parents warned us about.
--- Jimmy Buffett
A programmer, an accountant and a lawyer are all standing
around at a party discussing if it's better to have a wife or a
girlfriend.
The accountant says, "A girlfriend! No commitments, no
hassles. When you get tired, you just move on."
The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a
representative; an extension of yourself at important
gatherings with influential people".
The programmer says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife and
a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the
girlfriend; the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and all the
while you're at the office being creative!"
The gynecologist complimented the young woman on his
examination table. "Go home and tell your husband to
prepare for a baby."
"But I don't have a husband," the girl replied.
"Then, go home and tell your lover."
"But I don't have a lover. I've never had a lover!"
"In that case," the doctor sighed, "go home and tell your
mother to prepare for the second coming of Christ."
Click through for the large picture
Break Out!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Richard Thompson, 32, of Stamford, Connecticut
Reported by Moe
Robber Attempts To Hold Up
Boxing Champion Clerk,gets clobbered
Police say Leverett Johnson walked into this 7-Eleven store
on the Pitt campus looking to rob it.
Clerk Eric Sydnor was on duty in the store when Johnson
confronted him.
Sydnor told KDKA’s Ross Guidotti, “It’s like one of those
things where it was a blur what exactly was going on.”
Sydnor says Johnson pointed the pistol at him demanding money,
but apparently had no idea who he was dealing with.
That’s because Sydnor is a Golden Gloves champion with hard
hands.
“I won the Golden Gloves once, and made it to the finals
three times.”
When asked how he handled Johnson, Sydnor said, “He got slammed.”
Syndors trainer Jose Caraballo says Johnson, “picked the
wrong guy and store to walk into that night.”
But, the young boxer didn’t come out of the fight unscathed.
Johnson allegedly bit Sydnor’s hands.
Sydnor says he’ll be fine and ready for the U.S. Olympic
Boxing team trials.
Sydnor says he’s no hero, and his ring and game skill matter
less than what’s in his heart.
“The fact that I’m a boxer had nothing to do with anything.
It’s just what’s right, and what’s wrong.”
Johnson was still in the hospital Tuesday, recovering from
the beating Sydnor administered, police said.
Johnson, of Pittsburgh, has been charged with robbery,
aggravated assault and criminal mischief. Online court
records on Tuesday showed he faces a preliminary hearing
Oct. 15

Tech Support Pits
From: Jaye
Re: Highlighted words and pop-ups
Dear Webby,
I really need some advice here...Recently all my internet
pages and even on the internet web pages in all the
sentences there are certain words highlighted.
Even my banking has it.
When I happen to get to close to the highlighted word with
my cursor then an advertisement pops up...I have shut
down the pop-ups to no avail.
Do you have a solution for me...Thanks a million for all
your past help...Which I am grateful for.
Jaye
Dear Jaye
That's an infection.
Download and run MalwareBytes.
That is why I have it in the top spot on the right side.
It will get rid of that infection.
It is also possible, that you got some extensions installed
into your Chrome. Some malware does that.
Install Adblock Plus for Google Chrome.
Chrome Web Store - Adblock Plus
You may have Text Enhance installed. Check your add-ons/
extensions and Add/ Remove program.
Open Chrome, click on the Settings icon, and navigate to
Tools -> Extensions
Select the Text Enhance plugin from the list of extensions,
and click Uninstall.
Select "Add/Remove Programs" from the Control Panel. For
Windows Vista/7 users, this will be called "Programs/Features
Select the Text Enhance plugin from the list of software,
and click Uninstall/Remove.
Also, look for codec-c. If there, disable in Chrome:
tools > extensions and disable codec-c
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Snack Plastic Bag as Sandwich Pocket
Don't you hate it when the tomato starts dripping all over
your hand while eating a sandwich, or the onion falls out,
or the grease runs down your hand from that juicy hamburger?
No more! I keep a box of Snack Plastic Bags handy. They are
only about 6 x 3 inches - just the right size to fit the
bottom of your sandwich in. Once slid in there and you start
to eat your sandwich or burger, there is no mess. It is all
in the bottom of the plastic bag! Sometimes the vegetables
and/or meat start to slide down and out of your sandwich on
to the floor. But in the small plastic bag, just keep a
couple of your fingers on the bottom and they keep the
ingredients from slipping out.
By cacollie [2]
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."
There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large
business. That was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't
happy there. He wanted to go in business for himself. He
saved his money and finally had enough that he could quit
and start his own business.
About two years later, I was on vacation and was going
through the town where his business was located. I stopped
by for a visit. "Hey John, I heard that the first year is
the hardest for a new business."
"Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing
pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have
to work half a day."
"Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going
into business for myself."
"Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter
which twelve hours you work."

Today in
1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished
from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against
punishments for religious offenses and giving away land
that belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded
Providence, Rhode Island as a place for people to seek
religious freedom.
1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut was chartered
in New Haven. The name was later changed to Yale.
1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is
now San Francisco, CA.
1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary
War took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces,
led by George Washington, defeated the British troops
under Lord Cornwallis.
1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured
two British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia.
1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor.
1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope.
1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA,
and St. Louis, MO, began.
1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with
the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm
later became Montgomery Wards.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their
longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of
two miles.
1914 During WW I, German forces captured Antwerp, Belgium.
1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting
electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was
later changed to Hoover Dam.
1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg, VA.
1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The
Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the hydrogen bomb."
1983 Helen Moss joined the Brownies at the age of 83. She became
the oldest person to become a member.
1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an unidentified
flying object. The report included a trio of tall aliens that
had visited the city of Voronzh.
1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf in
response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops and
hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border.
1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in
Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring
a hundred.
2000 Brett Hull (Dallas Stars) scored his 611th National
Hockey League (NHL) goal. The goal allowed him to pass his
father, Bobby Hull, on the all time scoring list bringing
him to number 9.
2003 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II knighted Roger Moore
and made Sting a CBE (Commander of the British Empire).
2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing
Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that
water had been discovered in the planned impact plume on
the moon.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 8
Thank you, Robert!
Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for more injections into
the eyeballs. That means no Friday, Saturday or Sunday
newsletters will get sent out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Connecticut druggie, who brought 50 grams of pot to court
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1966 - The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous
and an illegal substance.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on
in a newspaper.
--- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically
about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct
a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to
pass while the article is still on the presses.
--- Calvin Trillin (1935 - )
You can observe a lot just by watching.
--- Yogi Berra
Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a
great time when a beautiful young woman fell overboard.
Immediately there was an 80 year old man in the water,
who rescued her.
The crew pulled them both out of the treacherous waters.
The captain was grateful as well as astonished that such a
white-haired old man performed such an act of bravery.
That night a banquet was given in honor of the ship's elderly
hero. He was called forward to receive an award
and was asked to say a few words.
He said, "Once I was in the water, it was no big deal.
But I sure am curious about who pushed me overboard."
As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day.
The deceased was a little old lady who had devoted
her entire married life to nagging at her poor husband.
When the graveside service had no more than
terminated, there was a tremendous burst of thunder
accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more
rumbling thunder.
The little old man looked at his priest and calmly said,
"Sounds like SHE has been told where to go."
Click through for the large picture
Elk in the morning

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Richard Thompson, 32, of Stamford, Connecticut
Drug Suspect Brought 50 Grams
Of Pot To Court
FORT LEE — Port Authority police on Thursday arrested a man
who brought marijuana to the borough court -- where he was
scheduled to appear on charges including marijuana possession,
the agency said.
Richard Thompson, 32, of Stamford, Connecticut, showed up
at court around 10:20 a.m. with a backpack, according to
police spokesman Joe Pentangelo. As part of standard
security screenings, officials opened the bag and discovered
less than 50 grams of marijuana inside.
They also found two packages of rolling papers and an
unrolled cigar wrapper often re-used to smoke marijuana,
Pentangelo said.
Port Authority Police Officer Steve Pisciotta arrested
Thompson on charges of having marijuana and drug paraphernalia,
the spokesman added.
Thompson was apparently no stranger to the Port Authority
officer. Pisciotta arrested the accused May 16 at the George
Washington Bridge on charges of driving under the influence,
driving with a suspended license and having marijuana in
his car, police said.
In December, Port Authority police made a similar arrest at
the same court when another man was allegedly caught with
marijuana after he showed up to answer a different pot
possession charge.

Tech Support Pits
From: Ormond
Re: Most reliable connection
Dear Webby,
What is the most reliable connection?
I don't really need very high speed, but for my on-line
credit card order processing, I need 100% reliability.
I am not an AOLer, so I don't have a religious hangup
requiring things to be free or the absolute cheapest.
I can write it off as a business expense anyway.
Ormond
Dear Ormond
If you can get it, cable is quite reliable nowadays.
Second best is DSL. DSL CAN be fairly fast, but often
slows down. The reason South Korea has an average
connection speed of over 20 Mbps is because there every
house and shack has cable, and a cable Internet connection.
Dial-Up is a good back-up. Most ISPs give you a dial-up
number to use in case of problems with DSL. The problem is,
usually dial-up uses the same phone line. If a drunk hit
a telephone pole and knocked your line off, dial-up is
out too.
You CAN get an Air-Card, which is basically a cell-phone
modem, but every one I know, who uses those occasionally,
complains about their cost.
With today's cell-phones you can check your email and
do your banking, if you have to. In some countries like
Nigeria over 90% of the population just use cell phones
to get onto the Internet and don't even have computers.
I would not use that metyhod, but in an emergency, it
would work OK.
Personally, if I could get cable, I would.
DSL is what I have been using for a dozen years. Most
of the time it is reliable enough, but I have had to
fall back to Dial-Up occasionally.
Satellite Internet connection is worst of all.
Any rain storm will knock you off, and for uploading
you have to use slow dial-up. It is also the most
expensive method.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using an Old Window Frame
I was given this old frame, and decided to make it look
realistic. I put a cut up poster behind the places where
the panes were, and it looks like I am gazing out into a
serene waterfall in the woods.
Some of my snail collections are on it, and for the photo,
I would have taken them off. However, I have cats, and
everything in this house is glued down! But, this may
inspire some of you just the same.
By Sandi/Poor But Proud
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read
"Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down.
The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what
he wanted.
"What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively.
"Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly.
"Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how
disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating
anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked,
"Well, what would you like then, sir?"
The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs."
Thanks to Bob for this revelation:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was
for.
Then I noticed women were coming up to me, they'd sniff,
exclaim, "Married!", and walk off.
So, gents, that's how they mark their territory! You can take
off that ring, but it's hard to get that "April fresh scent" out of
your clothes.

Today in
1895 - The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in
Philadelphia, PA.
1915 - During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded.
1919 - The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began.
1945 - U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain
and Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb.
1950 - U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea.
1966 - The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous
and an illegal substance.
1970 - Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel
Prize for literature.
1982 - In Poland, all labor organizations, including Solidarity,
were banned.
1991 - A slave burial site was found by construction workers
in lower Manhattan. The "Negro Burial Ground" had been closed
in 1790. Over a dozen skeletons were found.
1993 - The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI
of any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on the
Branch Davidian compound. The fire that ended the siege
killed as many as 85 people.
1996 - Pope John Paul II underwent a successful operation
to remove his inflamed appendix.
1998 - Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran
said that three border posts were destroyed before the
Taliban forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of
Afghanistan denied the event occurred.
1998 - Canada and Netherlands were voted into the
U.N. Security Council.
2001 - Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to be conducted
outside of the international space station without a shuttle present.
2002 - A federal judge approved U.S. President George W. Bush's request
to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic 10-day labor lockout.
The lockout was costing the U.S. economy an estimated $1 billion to
$2 billion a day.
2003 - China announced that it would have a human crew orbit the Earth
briefly on October 15.
2003 - Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative agreement that
would allow the first commercial flights between the two countries
since the end of the Vietnam War.
2004 - The first-ever direct presidential elections were held in
Afghanistan.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 7
On Thursday I have to go to Calgary for more injections into
the eyeballs. That means no Friday, Saturday or Sunday
newsletters will get sent out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Mississippi mom, who burglarized cars at school,
claimed she's looking for ISIS
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban treaty
with Britain and the Soviet Union.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There's an old saying about those who forget history.
I don't remember it, but it's good.
--- Stephen Colbert
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like
and let the food fight it out inside.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing
sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home,
he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and
throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."
"Why's that?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if
you came by, I should tell you to get the roughy. She
prefers that for supper tonight."
Three boys were heading home from school one day when one
started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship.
He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw
a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch
it just after it crosses the plate!"
One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot
an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to
make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!"
The last boy said, "Your dads don't even come close to being
faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even
though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!"
Click through for the large picture
Zhangjiajie National Park, China

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Lisa Carol Roche, 41, Hurley, Mississippi
Mom Burglarizes Cars At School,
Claims She's Looking For ISIS
Apparently, there's growing concern that the Islamist State
of Iraq and Syria could attack the United States from within,
cops just don't believe that terrorists will start by hiding
in cars on Mississippi school property.
That allegedly didn't stop Lisa Carol Roche from using ISIS
as an excuse. The Hurley woman is accused of burglarizing
cars in the parking lot of her children's school, then
telling officers that she was "looking for ISIS terrorists,"
according to Gulf Live.
Roche, 41, was allegedly caught stealing sunglasses and
other items from cars at East Central High School, FOX 10
reports. She remained in Jackson County Adult Detention
Center Friday.
She's been charged previously with careless driving,
felony fraud and felony embezzlement. She faces up to
five years in prison and a $10,000 fine if convicted
of commercial burglary.

Tech Support Pits
From: Elvira
Re: Noisy computer
Dear Webby,
My computer works fine in the morning, but in the afternoon
it gets noisy and most programs slow down. The
wanna-be son-in-law who claims to be a computer guru, said
it's just getting old and that he would give me $50 trade-in
value for it if I bought a new $1600 computer from him. My
computer is only two years old, and in the morning is still
quite a speed demon.
What's the real story?
Elvira
Dear Elvira
That guy is not a guru, he is a gooron, or a crook.
Or possibly both. Your computer is simply overheating in the
afternoon, because it has not been cleaned out for a long
time. Take the side cover off. If you can do that and
comfortably lie down on the floor in front of it, do it there,
otherwise unplug everything and set the computer on top of
some spread newspapers on the kitchen table. Then take the
vaccum cleaner with the furniture crevice tool attached and
clean out all the dust bunnies and dirt. Clean the heat sinks
with Q-tips. "Heat Sinks" are those finned metal blocks that
cover the CPU and other hard working chips. Some heatsinks
have shrouds with fans over them. Those can normally be removed
wihout any tools. Just look at them and push on different sides
and places. They are a bit tricky, but any woman, who can take
a food processor apart and put it back together, has a huge
advantage over men who have not acquired that skill.
The heat sinks under shrouds frequently look rather gross,
but no worse than the inside of a stove exhaust hood. Fold a
kleenex or paper towel around a business card or credit card
and slide it between the fins to clean them. If they don't
come perfectly clean with just that, drip some rubbing alcohol
or window cleaner onto the paper.
Don't think of the project as a tedious nuisance. Consider it
a battle against the evil dust bunnies in their secret castle
and it's a fun ten minutes. Afterwards your computer will run
fine all day and never get so hot that the fans go into noisy
overdrive or that it slows down the CPU because it is getting
too hot.
When you put the computer back, put it onto some bricks or old
phone books to raise the dust bunny entrance portal a bit
above the floor. And don't forget to tell your daughter that
her pet gooron is an idiot.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
A Beautiful Unique Kitchen Makeover
After sanding, priming, painting and adding antique silverware
to my twenty year old, dark, dull and just plain outdated
kitchen cabinets, putting in new counter tops, new appliances
and painting the walls, I now have a beautiful, unique kitchen
that I am proud to say was done by ME!
By Sandra from Orlando, Florida
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national
convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he
expected to repeat at meetings the next day.
Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested
that the reporters omit them from any accounts they might
turn in to their newspapers.
A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his
piece with the following:
"The minister also told a number of stories that cannot be
printed here."
From SexySassySatin
Wedding Photographer

Today in
1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates to
New York City for the Stamp Act Congress.
1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle of
Saratoga began.
1868 Cornell University was inaugurated in Ithaca, NY.
1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park
automobile factory was run on a continuously moving assembly
line when the chassis was added to the process.
1949 The German Democratic Republic (East Germany) was formed.
1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel and
entered North Korea. China in November proved their threat
to enter the war by sending several hundred thousand troops
over the border into North Korea.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban treaty
with Britain and the Soviet Union.
1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of
Anwar Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next
president of Egypt.
1985 The United States announced that it would no longer
automatically comply with World Court decisions.
1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced Marxism
in favor of democratic socialism.
1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor,
and naval firepower to Somalia.
1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier
to the Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving
toward Kuwait. The U.S. Army was also put on alert.
1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that alleged
Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by preventing banks
from offering other cards.
1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up to $4.83
billion to settle claims that the fen-phen diet drug caused
dangerous problems with heart valves.
2001 The U.S. and Great Britain began airstrikes in Afghanistan
in response to that state's support of terrorism and Osama
bin Laden. The act was the first military action taken in
response to the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on
September 11, 2001.
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor
in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 6
Thank you, Ray!
Thank you, Andy!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Wisconsin bonehead, who menaced cub scouts selling
popcorn door-to-door with a big sword
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1991 Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony
was held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA.
It was Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the
importance of turning around three times before lying down.
--- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud
whistle from one of the back pews. Little Johnny's mother
was horrified. She pinched him and told him to be silent.
After church she asked,
"Johnny, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Little Johnny said quite honestly, "I asked God to teach me
how to whistle and all of a sudden, He did!"
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who
lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something
nice for Dad and send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month,
he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring
it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the
man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something
nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo
Click through for the large picture
Millau Viaduct, France

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Owen Reese, 22, Sparta, Wisconsin
Wisconsin bonehead menaces cub scouts selling
popcorn door-to-door with a big sword
A man wielding a large sword menaced a group of Cub Scouts
who knocked on his door as they sought to sell popcorn in
a fundraising drive, Wisconsin police report.
After the children knocked on the door of his Sparta
residence, Owen Reese, 22, “opened the door holding a sword
above his head and immediately began yelling” at them,
according to cops.
While holding the sword over his head and “motioning like
he was going to swing it at them,” Reese got within five
feet of the Cub Scouts before they “escaped unharmed.”
When cops arrived at Reese’s residence, he again answered
the door “holding a sword with both hands at shoulder height.”
He dropped the weapon when officers leveled their guns at him.
A subsequent search of Reese’s home turned up “a large number
of knives and swords, as well as marijuana and several
smoking devices.”
Reese was arrested for reckless endangerment and cited for
“drug related offenses.”
During questioning by Sparta Police Department cops, Reese
explained that his sword wielding was commonplace: “Reese
told officers he always answers the door with a sword to
protect himself against religious people.”
--------------
No need for a sword to chase away "religious people".
A suggestive grin and slowly lowering my zipper does
the trick quite nicely.

Tech Support Pits
From: Anita
Re: Filter confusion
Dear Webby,
I am using Gmail as my spam filter. Yeah, I know I should
get MailWasher, but right now $30 is not in the budget.
I have made a ton of filters in Gmail, but they seem to get
more unpredictable all the time.
What could cause that?
Anita
Dear Anita
The filters in Gmail are not nearly as robust or reliable
or precise as those in MailWasher, but with some effort
you can do simple filtering with Gmail.
One thing to keep in mind is Precedence.
If you have one filter OK-ing mail from or to an address,
and then further down try to narrow that down, it does
NOT work. Once a mail has been touched by a filter, it is
gone to wherever the filter sends it to.
Any further filters trying to narrow that down, won't even
see that mail. It is already gone.
With MailWasher you have all the regular expessions (and,
or, if, if not, not, and not, but not, etc., etc.)
With Gmail you can now use AND, and OR.
To for examplpe dump all mail to a certain address except
mails from PayPal OR from Gramma@aol.com,
then you tell it to delete mail to that address,
and put
Paypal,Gramma@aol.com
into the NOT slot.
Just separate all the different exceptions with a comma.
It takes a bit of getting used to it, but you get plenty
of spam to experiment with.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Lemon-Cheesecake Pie
There are three things I require in all of my recipes:
quick, easy and good. I don't have any long, complicated,
expensive-to-make recipes because, to me, that would
take most of the joy out of cooking.
Ingredients:
1 9 inch baked pie shell or one graham cracker crust, your choice
1 can Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk ( or store brand,
it's cheaper )
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 (8 oz.) package any brand cream cheese, softened
Directions:
In mixing bowl, beat cream cheese until fluffy.
Gradually beat in the sweetened condensed milk until
mixture is smooth. Stir in the 1/4 cup lemon juice
and pour filling into prepared pie shell. Chill until
set. May be topped with pie filling of your choice,
whipped topping and thin lemon slices for garnish,
or plain whipped topping, if desired, or leave
plain. Enjoy.
By indianlady from Boonville, NC
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee
when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-
lettered "For Sale" sign out front.
After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the
startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room,
opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and pointing
out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there"
would help.
Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that
the owner would offer her the listing.
"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement
tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong.
It says, 'HORSE for sale.'"
The college football player knew his way around the locker
room better than he did the library, so when my husband's
co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks of books
looking confused, she asked how she could help.
"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.
"Which one?" she asked.
He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."

Today in
1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the
Concord. The German and Dutch families settled in an area
that is now a neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA.
1848 The steamboat SS California left New York Harbor for
San Francisco via Cape Horn. The steamboat arrived on
February 28, 1849. The trip took 4 months and 21 days.
1866 The Reno Brothers pulled the first train robbery in
America near Seymour, IN. The got away with $10,000.
1880 The National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out
for selling beer.
1884 The Naval War College was established in Newport, RI.
1889 The Kinescope was exhibited by Thomas Edison. He had
patented the moving picture machine in 1887.
1890 Polygamy was outlawed by the Mormon Church.
1928 War-torn China was reunited under the Nationalist leader
Chiang Kai-Shek.
1939 Adolf Hitler denied any intention to wage war against
Britain and France in an address to Reichstag.
1961 U.S. president John F. Kennedy advised American families
to build or buy bomb shelters to protect them in the event
of a nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union.
1973 Egypt and Syria attacked Israel in an attempt to win
back territory that had been lost in the third Arab-Israel
war. Support for Israel led to a devastating oil embargo
against many nations including the U.S. and Great Britain
on October 17, 1973. The war lasted 2 weeks.
1979 Pope John Paul II became the first pontiff to visit
the White House.
1991 Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony
was held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA.
It was Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 5
The voting works again!
Please vote at the Ezinefinder.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Massachusets woman, who hid drugs beneath butt prosthesis
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later founded
the Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an independent
manufacturing company.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
--- Robert Orben
Half of the American people have never read a newspaper.
Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.
--- Gore Vidal (1925 - )
I used to do some locksmithing and still get called out
for all types of emergencies. Just this morning, I received
a call from a young lady telling me she had locked her keys
in her truck.
She was very frantic, as she had to get to work. I told her
the cost, found out where she was, and I was on my way.
Since she told me she thought the keys were in the truck
(but couldn't remember for sure where she had put them,)
I began working on opening the passenger door of her truck.
As I was maneuvering my tool to unlock the door, I looked
across at the driver door and noticed that it was unlocked.
Without a word, I walked around and opened the door for her.
'Thank you!' she said. 'I didn't even know you could unlock
the driver's door from the passenger side.'"
In a small mid western conservative town, a new
bar/tavern/strip-club started a building to open up their
business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block
the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed,
however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning
strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks
were rather smug in their outlook after that,
till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church
was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either
through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection
to the buildings demise in its reply to the court. As the case
made it's way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork
at the hearing and commented, "I don't know how I'm going to
decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a
strip club owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an
entire church congregation that doesn't.
Click through for the large picture
Rialto Bridge, Venice

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jill Roy, 33, Buzzards Bay, Massachusets
Woman Hid Drugs Beneath Butt Prosthesis
A Massachusetts woman is facing narcotics charges after
police discovered heroin and painkillers hidden underneath
a prosthetic derrière enhancement that the suspect told
cops she wore because, “I don’t have a butt.”
Following a traffic stop last month in Buzzards Bay, police
arrested Jill Roy, 33, when a bag containing various pills
fell from her pants leg as she was standing near a patrol
car, according to a police report.
Upon being transported to the Bourne Police Department for
booking, Roy admitted ownership of a one-ounce bag of
marijuana found inside the 2005 Volkswagen Jetta she was
driving. Roy’s passenger, Jennifer Johnson, 32, was arrested
on several outstanding warrants.
The police report, which alternately describes Roy as
unemployed and working at Dunkin’ Donuts, notes that she has a
“very lengthy criminal record” including collars for
“possession and distribution of illegal narcotics.” Roy, cops
added, is currently on probation for drug possession.
During a search of Roy during the September 16 booking
process, Officer Nicole Bevilacqua “observed her underwear
had a hard exterior.” Asked what kind of underwear she had on,
Roy replied, “I don’t have a butt so I wear these and another
pair of underwear under it.”
After Bevilacqua directed her to “take off the hard exterior
underwear,” Roy “became visibly upset,” the report states.
After asking several times why she had to remove the buttocks
prosthesis, Roy relented and removed the item. Bevilacqua
then spotted a “large bulge” in her other pair of underwear.
Bevilacqua “advised Roy to pull her underwear away from her
body so the items could be removed,” police reported.
Investigators then removed two plastic baggies containing a
total of 13 Oxycodone pills and a bag containing $350 of
heroin.
Sgt. Brandon Esip, a police spokesperson, told TSG that
the prosthetic device was not included among the evidence
seized by officers. The item, Esip said, appears to be
“sold as a pair of underwear with a hard back on it.” He
added that it was apparently designed to “enhance the
rear end.”
Police described the 5’ 7”, 115-pound Roy as “skinny.”
She is the mother of three young children, whose names
she has tattooed on her body.
Charged with a variety of felony and misdemeanor narcotics
charges, even though she obviously blew her probation,
Roy is being offered release for $5000 bail.

Tech Support Pits
From: Karen
Re: Problem with Dianne's link
Dear Webby,
I click on Dianne's bonus link every day. It never comes up,
it just goes blank. I can click on Ophelia's and it comes up.
Will you please start putting the web address under it so I
can copy and paste it?
Thanks.
Karen G
Dear Karen
You seem to have a block against shortened URLs forwarding to
the actual URL. Depending on your browser's security setting,
you might get a small pop-up at the right top, asking you if
you want the broswer to forward to the final URL.
Some phones don't even do that and just refuse to go through
a Snip-URL.
I will ask Dianne to send me the full-length URLS.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pants Ex-pander
This comes in handy for those times when you just ate and
need a little more room in your pants. All you have to have
is a small rubber band loop it through the opening and then
it makes a loop for you to put on your button of your pants.
So easy to do.
By Teresa L S. from Greensburg, KY
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife,
"my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?"
"What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your
hilarious sense of humor."
Thanks to Linda for this story: In high school I was always
self-conscious about my height. Once I was asked out by a
lifeguard. I had never stood next to him and didn't know
how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two
pairs of shoes, one with heels, one flat. I arranged with
my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my
date's, and run upstairs to let me know which pair of shoes
to wear.
When I heard the doorbell, I waited. Then my brother showed
up and told me: "Go barefoot."

Today in
1813 Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee Indians was killed at the
Battle of Thames when American forces defeated the British
and the allied Indian warriors.
1877 Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians surrendered to
the U.S. Army after a 1,000-mile retreat towards the
Canadian border.
1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later founded
the Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an independent
manufacturing company.
1931 Clyde Pangborn and Hugh Herndon landed in Washington after
flying non-stop across the Pacific Ocean. The flight originated
in Japan and took about 41 hours.
1937 U.S. President Roosevelt called for a "quarantine" of
aggressor nations.
1969 A Cuban defector landed a Soviet-made MiG-17 at Homestead
Air Force Base in Florida. The plane entered U.S. air space
and landed without being detected.
1969 "Monty Python's Flying Circus" debuted on BBC television.
1970 Anwar Sadat took office as President of Egypt replacing
Gamal Abdel Nassar. Sadat was assassinated in 1981.
1974 American David Kunst completed the first journey around
the world on foot. It took four years and 21 pairs of shoes.
He crossed four continents and walked 14,450 miles.
1985 An Egyptian policeman went on a shooting rampage at a
Sinai beach. Seven Israeli tourists were killed. The
policeman died in prison the following January of an
apparent suicide.
1986 Sandinista soldiers captured American Eugene Hasenfus
after shooting him down over southern Nicaragua.
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced that
his country would cut its nuclear arsenal in response to
the arms reduction that was initiated by U.S. President
George Bush.
1993 China set off an underground nuclear explosion.
1995 A 60-day cease-fire was agreed upon by Bosnian combatants.
The civil war had lasted 3 1/2.
1997 In London, the Express Newspapers printed an article
claiming that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were homosexual
and that their marriage was a sham to cover the truth. The
paper paid damages in a settlement on October 29, 1998.
1998 The U.S. paid $60 million for Russia's research time
on the international space station to keep the cash-strapped
Russian space agency afloat.
2006 Wal-Mart Stores Inc. rolled out its $4 generic drug
program to the entire state of Florida after a successful
test in the Tampa area.
2014 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 4
The voting works again! Looks like they are back from their
vacation and rebooted.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Applebee's Customer Mikie Sawyer Punches
80-year-old Who Complained About Cursing
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around
the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
--- Friedrich von Schiller (1759 - 1805)
Two snooty women were sitting in the living room, waiting
for their hostess, who was slightly delayed in another room.
The daughter of the family was with the two women, on the
theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the
wait.
The child was about six years old. She was snub nosed,
spotted with splotchy freckles, buck toothed, and
bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two
ladies peered doubtfully at her.
Finally, one of the women muttered to the other, "She's not
very p - r - e - t - y, is she?"
Whereupon the child piped up, "Maybe not, but I'm quite
s - m - a - r - t and I can s - p - e - l - l. By the way,
pretty has two t's."
A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning.
The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece,
based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his
assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of
flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday."
Click through for the large picture
The Pont du Gard Bridge began life as an aqueduct system
that transported water to the Roman city of Nemausus and
is a testament to the incredible building skills of the
Romans. Built more than 2000 years ago, the Pont du Gard
descends only 56 feet over 30 miles and was able to deliver
around 5 million gallons of water to the city every day.
It is a highway bridge nowadays.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Mikie Sawyer, 26, Port Orange, Floriduh
Applebee's Customer Mikie Sawyer Punches
80-year-old Who Complained About Cursing
A Florida man faces a battery charge after allegedly
punching an 80-year-old man who asked him to stop cursing
in an Applebee's.
Mikie Sawyer, 26, was arrested Sunday night after allegedly
attacking Harry Sander, 80, at the Port Orange franchise of
the chain restaurant.
Sander told police that he heard Sawyer "talking obscenities"
at the bar. The victim said he politely asked the suspect
"If he could please stop using the ‘F’ word and stop talking
so loud about ‘titties and ass,’” according to the police
report.
Sander then leaned in close to Sawyer and said, “In Germany
you don’t speak in such a manner.”
Sawyer allegedly responded to Sander by saying, “I don’t
care where you are from, whether it be Russia or Dutch,”
the Daytona Beach News-Journal reports.
Sawyer then told Sander to go back to the other side of
the bar, but Sander didn't move.
That's when the suspect allegedly punched the octogenarian
in the face and pushed him backward so that the victim hit
a table and then the floor, according to the newspaper.
Witnesses backed up Sander's claim.
Sawyer left the restaurant before police arrived but was
pulled over a short time later.
Although Sawyer told police that Sander actually punched
him, the police report noted that the suspect had no bruising
on his face. He did have discolored and bruised knuckles and
fingers, according to ClickOrlando.com.
Sawyer was charged with battery on a person over 65 years
of age and disorderly conduct and booked at the Volusia
County Branch Jail. He was later released on a $2,500 bond.

Tech Support Pits
From: Hermon
Re: Feed a veteran link
Dear Webby,
Still reading your letter first thing every morning and
spreading the humor. Have a problem voting for the feed
a vet site. I get a snip error and on the vote for you I
get an internal error message. Have no problem voting for
the breast cancer site or the feed the hungry site.
any help or should I throw this twenty year old desk
top away?
Hermon in Ky
Dear Hermon
Looks like SnipURL dumped the Feed A Veteran link for
some silly reason. Maybe they age off links after 15 or
20 years?
I have now made a direct link instead. It is still in the
same place in the side menu. And for those, who have never
seen it, it is here too:
Click a meal to a homeless vet!
It does not cost you anything to click, but will provide a
meal to a homeless veteran.
The vote link for the Humor Letter works again too. The
people at the Ezinefinder seem to have returned from their
annual fall holiday and have rebooted their server.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ready Made Salads In Ziploc Bowls
Like many couples with no kids in the house, we don't eat as
we should. Here's a way to get a few more veggies in. Take
one bag of salad lettuce and divide it into 6 bowls with lids
(I use 20 oz Ziploc bowls) add tomatoes, a couple of olives,
sliced mushrooms, cucumbers or whatever salad veggies you want.
Put them in the refrigerator. Then when you are stalking the
refrigerator for something to eat, you will have a few ready
made salads that you are more likely to eat first before
grabbing that muffin. You only have to add the dressing
and maybe a little feta and you're ready to go. They will
last 2-3 days.
One last thing: use grape or cherry tomatoes, it's more
likely to last longer because cut up tomatoes will release
more acid and gases that cause the lettuce to wilt.
By melmarr from Michigan
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting
at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with
you?", he asks.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a
new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or
a redhead ?"
"Neither. Her grandfather is bald."
Thanks to Cindy for this story:
When I lived with my parents a few years ago, I came
home from work and found the back door open and our
indoor-dog outside; very strange. Turns out my Mom had
come home for lunch, let the dog out, forgot about him,
left the door open and her book she was reading at the
time on the kitchen table:
12 STEPS TO IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY."

Today in
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was
printed in Zurich, Switzerland.
1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in
New York by Peter Stuyvesant.
1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces
both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen
as British victory, which actually served as a moral boost
to the Americans.
1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano.
1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in
St. Louis, MO.
1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The
area covered part of Utah and Colorado.
1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount Rushmore.
1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at
Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to
fight the British.
1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around
the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958.
1987 NFL owners used replacement personnel to play games
despite the player's strike.
1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended.
1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman
Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a
ten-hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two
men had barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for
general elections and dissolved the legislative body.
1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through
the streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant
being taken prisoner by Somali militants.
2001 NATO granted the United States open access to their
airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and
early-warning radar planes in the war on terrorism.
2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened.
The airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks
on the United States on September 11, 2001.
2004 SpaceShipOne reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It
was the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly
in space twice within a two week window. The ship won the
Ansari X Prize of $10 million dollars for their success.
2014 smiled.

Today is Friday, October 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to two
Teachers, who had a threesome with a gossippy student
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the
borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The
unification of Germany ended 45 years of division.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen
and thinking what nobody has thought.
--- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi (1893 - 1986)
>From Fred
AS A C-130 PILOT in the Air National Guard, I drive to my
base several times a month for practice flights, wearing my flight
suit. On the way home late one night, my car's engine quit, and I
coasted to a stop within sight of an isolated farmhouse. When I
knocked on the door, a young woman answered. "I was on my way
home from the Guard air base, but ran out of gas," I explained,
holding up a one-gallon gas can to make my predicament clear.
"May I use your telephone?" The woman stared at my flight suit
and stammered, "But, but, but where did you land?"
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and this customer
had a large order.
As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its
bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor.
"They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk
blurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your
driveway!"
Click through for the large picture
4 islands, part of the Aleutian Island chain, are actually
the upper slopes of volcanoes rising from the sea floor:
Carlisle, Cleveland, Herbert, and Tana.
The peaks have cooled enough to hold fresh snow, the sides
are still warm.
The grey areas are white-caps on the Pacific. Looks like
great weather for wind surfing or tall ship sailing.
For waves to show on a picture taken from the space station,
they have to be quite substantial.

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Shelley Dufresne, 32, and Rachel Respess, 24, St Charles, LA
Teachers had threesome with gossippy student
Two English teachers at a Louisiana high school are facing
felony charges for allegedly having sexual relations with
the same 16-year-old male student whose recent “bragging”
to other pupils prompted a criminal investigation targeting
the female educators.
Police yesterday arrested Shelley Dufresne, 32, for having
"inappropriate sexual contact" with the boy, who is a junior
at Destrehan High School in St. Charles, a parish about
25 miles west of New Orleans.
Dufresne is the victim's English teacher, cops report.
Dufresne, who has taught English at the school for ten years,
was released from jail last night on $200,000 bond. Pictured
above, Dufresne, who is married with three children, was
placed on house arrest.
Investigators allege that Dufresne had sex with the teenager
earlier this month in a residence in Montz (where Dufresne lives).
Sheriff’s investigators first learned of the alleged incident
last week, when school officials reported that “a male student
was bragging to other students that he was having a sexual
relationship with teachers.”
Dufresne and another Destrehan High School teacher, Rachel Respess,
have been charged in a separate jurisdiction with jointly having
sexual contact with the minor. The educators have been accused
by police of an illicit sexual tryst this month in Kenner, a
city in Jefferson Parish (which neighbors St. Charles Parish).
Respess turned herself in to Kenner police this morning on a
felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile count. She was also
charged with indecent behavior and contributing to the
delinquency of a minor. Respess was the victim's English
teacher last year.
Kenner police charged Dufresne with the same three counts as
Respess. Investigators allege that the threesome at Respess’s
apartment began on the evening of September 12 and continued
into the following morning (Dufresne turned 32 on September 12).
During a press conference this afternoon, police Chief Michael
Glasser said that Respess provided cops with details of the
encounter in her home, but “stopped short of a total confession.”
He added that investigators are seeking additional evidence, an
apparent reference to photos that were reportedly taken during
the sex session.
Like Dufresne, the 24-year-old Respess is a Louisiana State
University graduate. She has taught English at Destrehan
High School for two years.
------
There seems to be an epidemic of married English teachers
picking gossipy students.
Post Traumatic Stress from bad grammar? What else could be
the cause of that? Why are married English teachers so much
less careful when selecting boys?

Tech Support Pits
From: Beverly
Re: Erratic monitor
Dear Webby,
Your hunor letter and my first cup of coffee make my morning.
I have an older computer and I'm on a fixed income and can't
afford a new one. What's happening is that everything is
spread out beyond the sides of the screen. Sometimes it
jumps back to normal. Is there anything that can be done?
Thank you, Bev.
Dear Bev
That sounds like a monitor that needs what we techs call
"Percussive Maintenance".
You whack the monitor a good slap with your hand. Then it
will usually behave for a while. However, it's definitely destined
for a one way trip to the recycling depot.
1) Turn the couch upside down and shake out the lost coins
to start your monitor replacement fund.
2) Do a house and attic cleaning and sell a bunch of stuff
on ebay.
3) Select a monitor that fits your desk and budget. A good
source is http://pricegrabber.com
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ready Made Salads In Ziploc Bowls
Like many couples with no kids in the house, we don't eat as
we should. Here's a way to get a few more veggies in. Take
one bag of salad lettuce and divide it into 6 bowls with lids
(I use 20 oz Ziploc bowls) add tomatoes, a couple of olives,
sliced mushrooms, cucumbers or whatever salad veggies you want.
Put them in the refrigerator. Then when you are stalking the
refrigerator for something to eat, you will have a few ready
made salads that you are more likely to eat first before
grabbing that muffin. You only have to add the dressing
and maybe a little feta and you're ready to go. They will
last 2-3 days.
One last thing: use grape or cherry tomatoes, it's more
likely to last longer because cut up tomatoes will release
more acid and gases that cause the lettuce to wilt.
By melmarr from Michigan
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Fran
I put a roast in the oven one noon hour and set the timer,
a feature I hadn't used yet. Before leaving work that afternoon,
I phoned my 14-year-old son to ask him to check the roast and
peel some potatoes.
Minutes later he called back. "Mom, the roast isn't cooked.
The oven didn't come on."
The roast was on the menu again the following day, but this
time, since I stopped by the house after a business lunch, I decided
to turn the oven on myself. Again before leaving work, I called my
son to check the roast and get the potatoes started. Again he called
me back. "The roast still isn't cooked."
"Listen," I said. "I know the oven's on. I turned it on before I
left. I didn't use the timer."
"Oh, the stove's working fine," he told me. "It's just that the
roast is still in the refrigerator."
A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking
into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his
jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After
giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the
tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room.
No one ever understood why he did this, until one day. . .
A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never
missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium,
picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student
squarely on the top of the head.
The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached
into his jacket, removed a baseball.
No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!
-----------
I remember one professor who used to grab a chalk board eraser,
wiped the chalk ledge with it to really coat it with chalk,
and then bean a sleeper. You can imagine the explosion of
chalk totally covering the hapless sleeper and identifying
him for the rest of the day.
I did homework during his lectures and don't remember a single
word of what he said.

Today in
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday
of November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day.
1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S. Thurman.
1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated.
After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company
became RCA-Victor.
1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially
changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia.
1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading
Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain
had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I.
1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia).
1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken"
and they "would never rise again."
1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the
Siegfried Line.
1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world when
they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb.
1955 "Captain Kangaroo" premiered on CBS-TV.
1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a
nine-hour flight.
1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had lasted
7 months and ten people had died.
1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to Czechoslovakia
in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to the West.
1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the
borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The
unification of Germany ended 45 years of division.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait
since his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation.
1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was
raided by U.S. soldiers.
2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked
by tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack
after being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old
male named Montecore, was debuting in his first show.
2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear
test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs
that it viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack.
2014 smiled.

Today is Thursday, October 2
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
MA woman arrested after giving cops fake name
of wanted person
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was
26 years old.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Philosophy triumphs easily over past and over future evils,
but present evils triumph over philosophy.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
Anyone who has never made a mistake
has never tried anything new.
--- Albert Einstein
Mrs. Spiegel was called to serve for jury duty, but asked
to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment
and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from
running its proper course.
The public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to
convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her
husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had
promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Spiegel, "I'll serve.
I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
Sixty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training,
the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber
sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 61 years.
Thanks to Betty for sending this picture:
Click through for the large picture

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Tina Lunn, 37, Braintree, MA
Arrested After Giving Cops Fake Name Of Wanted Person
Tip: If you give cops a fake name, make sure it's not that
of a person wanted for more serious crimes than the small
infraction you're accused of committing.
Boston transit police were slapping Tina Lunn with a
citation for smoking in a non-smoking area, when she
allegedly tried to avoid any penalties by giving a fake
name and birth date.
However, there was an arrest warrant out for a person with
the name that Lunn gave police, MyFoxBoston reports.
Although the officer informed Lunn about the arrest warrant,
she didn't reveal that she had given a fake name. In fact,
she went through the entire booking process using her new
assumed name, TPDNews.com reports.
Eventually, officers discovered Lunn's real identity.
Officers said they also discovered that Lunn had several
warrants out under her real name, including three counts
of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, kidnapping,
larceny, and illegal possession of chemical mace,
according to Boston.com.
Lunn was then booked under her real name and charged with
brandishing a false name, She was also given a citation
for smoking, according to police.

Tech Support Pits
From: Victor
Re: Spam with just pictures or exe files
Dear Webby,
I am getting inundated with spam that has no text, just
pictures or PDF or exe files. Every time I make a new filter,
they seem to come up with a new file type.
How do you deal with those?
Victor
Dear Victor
That spam is generated by a virus. I don't really want to
dump mail that has pictures attached, so I looked for
a typo or anomaly typical for that type of spam. Since
most spammers are rather dumb, it's usually quite easy
to find something that you don't see in legitimate emails.
With this filter I use an abnormal head to body boundary
as the trigger.
This filter dumps about 2000 spams from my mail per day,
unseen, automatically.
If the entire header
contains
"="----=_" or "----------bound--"
then automatically (without warning or notification)
delete the message.
This filter takes priority over the friends list.
Pick anything you see only in any type of spam and not
in legitimate mail.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shop Once a Week
Shopping only once a week and going to the store on your
busiest day is the key to spending less on groceries.
Over the past few months I have stuck to a simple rule:
Grocery shopping once a week.
If you are not in the store, you cannot spend money,
you can't fall prey to slick marketing and "buy more,
save more" types of incentives. With the exception of
baby items (formula, diapers) I have found that the
once a week schedule works just fine. If we run out
of milk or eggs, I just become more creative by using
other stuff and patiently wait until "shopping day".
By Bella Swan from Forks, WA
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Marnie
After I had injured one of my shins for the umpteenth
time, my doctor suggested I wear some sort of protection.
Remembering the shin guards I wore when I played soccer
over 60 years ago, I went to a local sporting goods store.
I'm a petite, elderly woman, so when a young man came to help
me, I said, "Don't laugh, but I'm looking for a pair of
shin guards for soccer."
"Okay," he said with a completely straight face.
"What position do you play?"
Mary was almost crazy with her three young kids. She
complained to her best friend Judy: "They're driving me nuts!
They give me no rest! I'm half way to the funny farm!"
"What you need," said Judy, "is a playpen.
So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, Judy called to
ask how things were going.
"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with
my laptop, a coffee, a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother
me for hours!"

Today in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France.
1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy.
He was carrying information about the actions of
Benedict Arnold.
1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place
near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated
a Mexican cavalry unit.
1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora,
wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop
his "theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859
book entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural
Selection.
1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy.
1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas opened.
It was the state's first venture into public higher education.
The school was formally dedicated 2 days later by Texas Gov.
Richard Coke.
1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations.
1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images.
1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was
26 years old.
1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The
plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow.
1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising.
1948 The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and
dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was
the first road race in the U.S. following World War II.
1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed
its independence.
1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their
ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a
socialist country were prohibited from docking in the
United States during that voyage, and the transport of
U.S. goods was banned on ships owned by companies that
traded with Cuba.
1989 In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place demanding
the legalization of opposition groups and the adoption of
democratic reforms.
1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied
in Germany.
1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought
police and set up burning barricades.
1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers
were overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-fixing.
1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern Iraq
and attacked Kurdish rebels.
2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all
members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001,
terrorist attacks in the United States.
2014 smiled.

Today is Wednesday, October 1
Re yesterday's question about Lillemor's mushroom:
Lwreed wrote:
That is a chicken mushroom. very delicious with a
texture like a chicken breast. Cook it like chicken.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Floriduh man refuses to move his car
for emergency helicopter landing
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large
and wise as a man's head.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.
She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking
on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me
out, please?"
The clerk turned, looked her up and down, and smiled, "Not
bad. Quite cute, actually! But this till won't work until I talk
the manager into rebooting the computer."
>From Sandy
Dear Webby, can you please dig out the "Tndjuberrymud" piece
and print it again?
Thanks
Sandy
Sure. here it is:
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G) "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"
RS: "Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to ordor
sunteen?
G: "Uh. Yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: Ow July den?"
G: "What?"
RS: "Ow July den?..pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "NO? July one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'july one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!..why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow slinglish
moppin we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast'.
Fine. Yes, and English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G. "I mean butter..just put it on the side."
RS: Copy?"
G: "Sorry."
RS: "Copy..tea..mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish moppin we bother honey sigh,
and copy...rye?"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tenjewberrymud."
G: "You're welcome."
Click through for the large picture
Guangxi, China

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
James Allen, 52, DAYTONA BEACH, Floriduh
Floriduh man refuses to move his car
for emergency helicopter landing
A Florida man was arrested after deputies say he refused
to move his car so a helicopter could land and transport
a victim to the hospital after a serious car accident.
Authorities in central Florida's Volusia County say
26-year-old Tessa George lost control over her vehicle
Thursday and struck a tree. Deputies called for a
helicopter to airlift George to a hospital and blocked
off traffic for the landing. But deputies say James Allen,
a 52-year-old physician's assistant, refused to move his car.
The Daytona Beach News-Journal reports Allen was charged
with failure to obey police-fire department orders and
resisting an officer without violence. He was released
on his own recognizance Friday from a county jail.

Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: Good Spyware ?
Dear Webby,
When using Spy Bot, are there any items we should look for
that should not be deleted? Or whatever Spy Bot finds,
get rid of it?
Thanks,
Carol
Dear Carol
There isn't really any Spyware or Malware that needs to be
on the computer.
I just let it rip and do it's stuff.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shop Once a Week
Shopping only once a week and going to the store on your
busiest day is the key to spending less on groceries.
Over the past few months I have stuck to a simple rule:
Grocery shopping once a week.
If you are not in the store, you cannot spend money,
you can't fall prey to slick marketing and "buy more,
save more" types of incentives. With the exception of
baby items (formula, diapers) I have found that the
once a week schedule works just fine. If we run out
of milk or eggs, I just become more creative by using
other stuff and patiently wait until "shopping day".
By Bella Swan from Forks, WA
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as
a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?"
the jeweler asked.
The young man thought for a moment, and said, "No, just
engrave the words - To My One And Only Love - Forever!
That way, if we break up, I can use it again."
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize
world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would
be . . . until the looting started.

Today in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots.
1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France.
Later the property would be purchased by the U.S.
effectively doubling its size.
1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of
electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park.
1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act.
The act raised tariffs to a record level.
1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S.
Post Office.
1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford.
The purchase price of the car was $850.
1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during WWWI by a
force made up of British and Arab forces.
1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of
the Spanish state.
1938 German forces enter Czechoslovakia and seized control
of the Sudetenland. They were not opposed. The Munich Pact
had been signed two days before.
1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States.
1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during WWII.
1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg
sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were
sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted.
1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's
Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated
the Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan.
1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University
of California at Berkeley.
1971 Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, FL.
1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations
with the United States.
1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone
over to Panama.
1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow)
Center opened in Florida. The concept was planned by
Walt Disney.
1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by
Israeli jet fighters.
1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency.
1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany
after they were allowed to leave by the communist government.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N.
General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover
of Kuwait.
1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy.
1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in
Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from
power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended.
1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent.
1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by
the U.S. Senate.
1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching
a series of trade agreements.
1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began
a lockout of the players that lasted 103 days.
1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants
were convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the
U.S. through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations.
1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company.
1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for
the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused
of killing an undercover U.S. agent during a drug
purchase in 1994.
1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples
Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing.
2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously
to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away
from children at city libraries. The board left the decision
up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install
filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in
the U.S. mandated the use of the filters.
2014 smiled.

Today is Tuesday, September 30
W9 is free
In Indonesia, where they are ahead of us in time and date,
Microsoft announced that W9 will be free to anybody, who
has W8 and is willing to over-write it with W9.
Sounds like they are embarrassed about W8.
The User Interface of W9 is apparently closer to W7, and
they copied a bunch of Linux features, but it is mostly
the current W7, which has been fixed with countless updates
and has become quite usable.
With XP-SP4 and a way to get updates until 2019 leaked out,
they really rushed W9 to just overwrite W8 fast.
They COULD have re-released W7, maybe called it W7-Octoberfest,
and slowed the migration from W8 to Linux and XP a lot
more efficiently than with a free, but unknown W9.
Somebody should tell them that there are real users out
here, who try to get some work done, not just paid shills
at the computer magazines, who only play a bit on computers,
that they did not pay for.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Oregon Man High on Meth
Beats Off 12 Cops, Self
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease
Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's
Sudetenland to be annexed by the Nazis.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses,
is in the eye of the beholder.
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988),
'Wave' hoax: Don't microwave your iPhone 6
Sep 25, 2014
LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- The iPhone 6 is so hot right now.
The Los Angeles Police Department is warning smartphone
users who may not be so smart to avoid trying to charge
their iPhone 6 by putting it in the microwave.
The LAPD said on its Twitter account iPhone 6 users should
be wary of fake online ads claiming the latest Apple software
update includes a function called "Wave" that allows the
smartphones to be charged by cooking them in a microwave.
"This #Wave capability is a #hoax. Don't be fooled into
microwaving your #iPhone6. #Apple #Smartphone," the
department's tweet read.
Brian Humphrey, spokesman for the Los Angeles Fire Department,
said putting a phone in the microwave could lead to property
damage and injury.
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation
turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an
engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire
need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their
lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a
computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into
his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked
up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you
buy me a new computer?"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture
Click through for the large picture
Lillemor has this mushroom growing on an old Eucalyptus stump
and wonders if it is edible. Does anybody know?

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andrew Frey, 37, Beaverton, OR.
Oregon Man High on Meth
Beats Off 12 Cops, Self
Andrew Frey claims he has no recollection of the string of
bizarre events that involved methamphetamine, tasers,
and public masturbation.
Andrew Frey from Beaverton, OR, claims his consumption of
meth caused him to have no recollection of a string of
events last week that culminated in a confrontation with
more than 12 police officers as he put on a public display
of what most people do in private.
Apparently Frey, 37, began his afternoon by refusing to
pay a locksmith that he had hired. Then he walked over to
a local market and refused to leave. After being escorted
from the market by an employee, Frey walked to Iggy’s Bar
& Grill where, according to a bartender, he exposed himself
and started masturbating and police were called.
When the Marion County deputy arrived, Frey had already
moved on to the restroom, where he was still apparently
enjoying his own company.
Frey resisted arrest, fought with the deputy, and was
zapped by a taser several times. According to officials,
the stun gun had no effect and more than a dozen officers
were called to the bar inside to subdue him.
Later, Frey told officials that he had used methamphetamine
the previous day and had no memory of his bizarre behavior.
He was charged with theft, resisting arrest, and public
indecency.

Tech Support Pits
From: Randall
Re: Phishing scam mail
Webby,
Â Hope all is well with your eyes, love the Letter first
thing i check on each and every day. My question is about
IP Address'es. My computer at home has one IP Address,
does my AndroidÂ device have aÂ IP Address of its own?
Got a email from someone who says i tried to change my
password and my ip address was this, but it was the wrong
one..so i am waiting to hear from you before i proceed
with that email...If my device has its own IP Address where
can i find this animal so i can put it my records...any
assistance would be greatly appreciated...have a great
week ahead...
Cajunbuckeye59
Hi Randall
Whenever anybody tells you BS like that, just dump that mail.
It is a scammer trying to phish your user name and password.
Don't even tell them to go ..., just dump their mail and
forget them.
Yes, your Android most likely has a totally different IP
address, that is dynamically assigned whenever and wherever
you happen to turn it on.
You can always check your IP address by going to
http://webby.com/ip
However, don't be impressed if some scammer reads your
IP address and then tries to pretend to be official.
Don't even bother recording the scammer's IP address. If
he emailed from a mobile device, that too will change.
Just dump the crap and flush.
NEVER ever click on a link in such an email!
If the scammer implies you changed the password for your
bank account, open a fresh browser window, go to the
bank, and log in. You will see that your password is
unchanged.
The same with PayPal and any other online deal, that you
got. Always go there from a fresh browser window,
NEVER from a handy link in an email.
If PayPal sends you anything with a link in it, it is not
to your account, but just to some general information
read-me pages.
When you get MailWasher, it will probably flag that mail
for deleting. It recognizes crap like that. And in the
header that it shows you, it shows what the real link
underlying a phony link is. If a link pretending to be a
link to PayPal shows an underlying foot long link to a
Russian or Chinese domain, then you KNOW for sure that
the mail is just a trap.
DUMP IT.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Terra Cotta Lighthouse
Terra Cotta Lighthouse
This terracotta lighthouse is
just 2 large plant pots
cemented together and
painted, with a lantern
on top.
By patanthar
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

From Rosa
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were
standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and
diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit
smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time.
Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this
without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for
compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing
instead of these things?"
After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister
is pregnant now."
An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law
school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is
it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and
then sue the landowners for lots of money?"
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started
speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney
asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on
sidewalks."

Today in
1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV.
1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due
to advancing British forces.
1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would
make it the first American vessel to sail around the world.
1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction
after administering ether to a patient.
1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France.
1882 In Appleton, WI, the America's first hydroelectric power
plant began operating.
1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease
Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's
Sudetenland to be annexed by the Nazis.
1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany,
found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes.
1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken
2.3 million tons of food into the western sector despite the
Soviet blockade.
1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at
Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The
submarine had been launched on January 21, 1954.
1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of
India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir.
1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at
midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year
sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von
Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth.
1971 The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that
were aimed at avoiding an accidental nuclear war.
1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate
the prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners
were killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on
September 13, 1971.
1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California.
The law was the first example of right-to-die legislation
in the U.S.
1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace
the pound.
1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out
by McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company.
1982 "Cheers" began an 11-year run on NBC-TV.
1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov,
one day after the Nicholas Daniloff had been released by
the Soviets.
1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko
from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a
shake-up at the Kremlin.
1989 Thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an
accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union.
1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they
had captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the
residing government forces.
1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic
relations.
1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand
Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras.
Aristide was later returned to power.
1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed
at turning millions of Russians into capitalists.
1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its
silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews by
the pro-Nazi Vichy regime.
1998 Gov. Pete Wilson of California signed a bill into law
that defined "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the
intent to capture audio or video images of a celebrity
or crime victim engaging in a personal of family activity."
The law went into effect January 1, 1999.
1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility
after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear
chain reaction.
2014 smiled.

Today is Monday, September 29
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Virginia man broke into a hotel room to order
food at 2 am. He got busted instead of room service.
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the
best-selling non-fiction book in the U.S.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise
which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of
civilized taste.
--- Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966)
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte
History is the version of past events
that the winners have decided to agree upon.
--- Dwight D Eisenhower
With the help of a fertility specialist,
a 65 year old woman has a baby. All
her relatives come to visit and meet
the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65
year old mother says
"not yet."
A little later they ask again to see the baby.
Again the mother says "not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
A man and a woman are driving down the highway
when another car passes them. The woman notices
that the occupants of the other car are young and
obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her
boyfriend as they cruise on down the highway.
This causes the woman to think back when she and
her husband were young and in love, and wondering
where the show of affection had disappeared to
over the years.
Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when
we used to be like that young couple? Where did
the love go, honey?"
Her question was met with a few moments of silence.
Then, after glancing at his gnarled hands on the
steering wheel he quietly replied, "I haven't moved."
Click through for the large picture
The ‘wind and rain’ bridges are feats of architectural
brilliance, and all are built without a single nail or
bolt to hold them together. Built by the Dong people of
China, these covered bridges are beautiful examples of
Chinese architecture and are constructed using only
stone and wood.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Vinod Adhikary, 30, Manassas, Va.
Breaking Into Hotel Room And
Ordering Room Service at 2 am
Those late night hunger pains can really gnaw at one's gut,
but who wants to cook at that hour?
Not Vinod Adhikary, who police say broke into a room at the
Old Town Inn in Manassas, Va., on Wednesday --
just to order room service.
Employees called the police after getting a room service
request after 2 a.m. from Adhikary. They nixed the order
when they realized he dialed from a room that wasn't
booked for the night, and sent the cops instead
Cops came to the Inn and charged Adhikary, 30, with
unlawful entry and public intoxication.

Tech Support Pits
From: Betty
Re: Shadow on fonts
Hi Webby, this is 10 AM this morning, then the sun came out
& a lovely warm day! Rains coming soon tho.
I just noticed today, that look at the shadows of everything?
parts in the picture, past it & even my typing??? What unlucky
button did I find to create that? or how can I get rid of it?
I hope you can please give me a clue, only thing I had to do yesterday
was update Adobe??? Thanks for any help.
TC, Betty
Dear Betty
I have never come across anything, that causes shadows on
it's own.
When I make shadows on text in the names under mug shots,
that is a deliberate trick in PSP.
Other than that, I don't know of anything that causes
shadows on text.
It would seem that either the video card or the monitor
has a severe problem. Can you try a different monitor on
that machine?
Good Luck!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Nail Polish Remover for Ink on Vinyl Couch
I got ball point pen on a beige vinyl couch. I tried
everything to get it out; stain remover for pen, alcohol,
bleach, toothpaste, WD40, Soft Scrub and none of them
worked. I read that nail polish remover works, but I was
afraid to use it. I did a test on the underneath and,
sure enough, it did not hurt the vinyl and took most of
the ink out. There is just a slight stain left, you really
have to look for it. Be sure and do a test first.
By Sue Gurney [1]
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of
the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple
operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening
about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that
locket of yours?"
Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair."
Friend: "But your husband is still alive."
Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."

Today in
1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department
with several hundred men.
1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized
police force was met with jeers from political opponents.
The force became known as Scotland Yard.
1930 Bing Crosby and Dixie Lee were married.
1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the
Mississippi National guard in response to city officials
defying federal court orders. The orders had been to enroll
James Meredith at the University of Mississippi.
1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary
systems around the world.
1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a
heavyweight title boxing match. About 70 million people
watched Muhammad Ali defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV.
1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules
of Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide.
264,000 bottles were recalled.
1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the
U.S. Congress when they authorized President Reagan to keep
U.S. Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months.
1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted the
Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased weapons.
The weapons were intended for the Irish Republican Army.
1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most
beautiful woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at the
time in the Betty Ford Clinic overcoming a weight problem.
1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the
best-selling non-fiction book in the U.S.
1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach
President Fernando Collor de Mello.
1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an
international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned
land that had been taken by force.
1994 The U.S. House voted to end the practice of lobbyists
buying meals and entertainment for members of Congress.
2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational.
2014 smiled.

Today is Sunday, September 28
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
New York Uber driver busted for groping customer
Details at BoneheadsToday, in
1924 The first around-the-world flight was completed by two
U.S. Army planes when they landed in Seattle, WA. The trip
took 175 days.

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns
on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
--- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
My toughest fight was with my first wife.
--- Muhammad Ali (1942 - 2013)
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been
feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and
comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of
water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass
of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take
the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers,
"Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"
Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?"
asked the judge.
"Yes," answered the suspect.
"And what did you steal?"
"A dress, Your Honor," replied the subject.
"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking
in four times!"
"Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "The first three times
my wife didn't like the color."
Click through for the large picture
Moscow from 240 Miles up

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ramy Botros, 28,Orlando, Floriduh
Orlando Uber driver busted for groping passenger
An Uber driver was arrested yesterday and charged with
battery for allegedly placing his hands down the shirt
of a 25-year-old female customer.
The victim told police that she was en route last Friday
night to meet her boyfriend at his Orlando residence when
driver Ramy Botros “began driving in an odd pattern and
back tracking several times.” The 28-year-old Botros, she
added, made “comments to her about how ‘Attractive' and
‘Pretty’ she was,” according to an arrest report.
At one point, the woman told cops, Botros stopped his Honda
Civic and placed his hand down the front of her tank top
and “touched her breasts in an aggressive manner.”
The victim, police added, “was not wearing an undershirt or
bra, so his hand touched her directly on her breast.”
“Do not touch my boobs or I will hit you in your face!,”
the woman recalled telling Botros, an Egyptian immigrant.
The passenger told investigators that while she was afraid
of Botros, she “tried to play off his actions as harmless,”
and even asked for his business card when she arrived at
her destination.
During the ride, the woman used her phone to record part of
her interaction with Botros, since “she had read several
things about the ‘Uber’ drivers sexually battering women.”
After the woman yesterday picked Botros from a photo lineup,
cops summoned him to police headquarters, where he agreed
to an interview.
Botros, pictured above, told a cop that the victim was
“wearing a revealing shirt with no bra.” He added that,
in Egypt, if a “girl like her” dressed like the victim,
“it means she asking for that.”
Despite that shaky rationale, Botros was arrested on the
misdemeanor charge and booked into the county jail
(from which he was released today after posting $500 bond).
In response to Botros’s arrest, Uber has suspended his
driver’s account, according to a statement from the car
service company.

Tech Support Pits
From: Carole
Re: Ezinefinder problem again
Webby, I haven't been able to vote for you
for the last two days. What is going on?
Carole
Dear Carole
Yes, I know that the Ezinefinder server is still down.
They are not hosted by us, and there is nothing I can
do about it.
Our servers were attacked too on Wednesday, but while we
were able to block the attack, two machines were not
accessible for almost ten minutes while we implemented
some changes to cope with that kind of attack.
Since that was after 3 am, I doubt any of you noticed.
It sure was a frantic 10 minute scramble to get everything
running and accessible again.
At Ezinefinder they have a much more relaxed approach to
accessibility. Their support does not even answer my emails
telling them about their problem.
Maybe you can get through to them. However, considering that
their customary 3 votes for their Gardening newsletter were
missing all week, even before their server crashed, they
might be on their Fall vacation. This seems to happen every
fall.
Try anyway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cutting Watermelon Sticks
This is an easy way to prepare a watermelon and is a kid
friendly way to serve it.
Start by cutting the watermelon in half using a sharp knife.
Lay the watermelon, cut side down on a cutting board. Cut it
into 1 inch slices, but keep them all standing up against
each other.
Then rotate the cutting board and cut the watermelon into 1
inch slices going the other direction.
You can serve the watermelon, either by letting people pull
a stick of melon out themselves or you can arrange them onto
a plate. Enjoy!
By lalala... [489]
http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He
stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and
then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the
rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.
"Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.
A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker are sitting in a
restaurant in London. The waiter says,
"Excuse me, but the steak on the menu is not available,
as there's a shortage."
The Texan asks, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian asks, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker asks,
"What the bloody hell does 'excuse me' mean?"

Today in
1066 England was invaded by William the Conqueror who
claimed the English throne.
1542 San Diego, CA, was discovered by Portuguese navigator
Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo.
1687 The Turks surrendered Athens to the Venetians.
1781 During the Revolutionary War, American forces began
the siege on Yorktown, VA.
1850 The U.S. Navy abolished flogging as a form of punishment.
1850 U.S. President Millard Fillmore named Brigham Young the
first governor of the Utah territory. In 1857, U.S. President
James Buchanan removed Young from the position.
1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place
under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield
State Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary.
1915 The British defeated the Turks in Mesopotamia at
Kut-el-Amara.
1924 The first around-the-world flight was completed by two
U.S. Army planes when they landed in Seattle, WA. The trip
took 175 days.
1939 During World War II, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed
upon a plan on the division of Poland.
1950 The United Nations admitted Indonesia.
1972 Communist China and Japan agreed to re-establish
diplomatic relations.
1974 First Lady Betty Ford underwent a mastectomy to remove
a lump in her breast.
1978 Heavy fighting occurred in Lebanon between Syrian
peacekeeping troops and Lebanese Christian militiamen.
1978 Don Sherman, editor of Car & Driver, set a new Class E
record in Utah. Driving the Mazda RX7 he reached a speed of
183.904 mph.
1991 In response to U.S. President Bush's reduction of U.S.
nuclear arms Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised
to reciprocate.
1995 Yasser Arafat of the PLO and Israeli Prime Minister
Yitzhak Rabin signed an accord that transferred control
of the West Bank.
1997 The 103rd convention of the Audio Engineering Society
(AES) was held in New York City, NY. The official debut of
the DVD format was featured.
2000 The U.S. Federal Drug Administration approved the use
of RU-486 in the United States. The pill is used to induce
an abortion.
2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones arrived at the U.S.-Mexico
border to complete the first known continuous hike of the
1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They started the trek on June 8.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 billion applications downloaded.
2014 smiled.

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking!BreastCancer
SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.