Lawyer Learns He Cannot Charge Client for Sex – or – "I Ho, I Ho, So Off to Work I Go"

You read that right. Thomas P. Lowe, suspended-attorney-at-law, not only had an affair with a client who he had represented in her divorce, but actually invoiced her for old-man-sex (Lowe is 58). Sounds like prostitution to us.

But let’s see what the Minnesota Criminal Code says.

Minn. Stat. § 609.321, subd. 8 defines a “prostitute” as “an individual who engages in prostitution by being hired . . . by another individual to engage in sexual penetration or sexual contact.” Now, let’s just assume Mr. Lowe’s acts with his former client qualify as “sexual penetration” or “sexual contact” because, quite frankly, we want to spare you the unappealing mental visuals of a 58-year-old lawyer partaking in sexual acts made even more unappealing by cold statutory definitions. Continuing, Minn. Stat. § 609.324, subd. 7 makes the act of prostitution with another adult a misdemeanor. (Really? Just a misdemeanor?) We know Mr. Lowe charged and was compensated for the intercourse, but we don’t have all the facts. Did she know what she was paying for when she paid for “meetings” and “drafting memos”? Thus, Mr. Lowe’s defense may be that his former client did not hire him for his penis services, but rather for his legal services, and therefore, he should not be convicted under the penal code. (Yes! Finally used penis and penal in the same sentence!) And maybe this defense would work for Mr. Lowe. But who cares. The man is still a whore.

Gotta run. This Bitter Lawyer has some “meetings” to attend and several “memos to draft” . . .

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Charging a woman for sex? She must have really been bad. Either did not let him enter his orifice of choice, or bit him while giving him a BJ. I think we need some follow-up reporting here, Bitter Crotch!