Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Fresh Feeling

I’ve decided that coming out to your friends and family that
you’re back with an old partner is almost harder than coming out as gay.

I’ve slowly been spreading the word throughout the people in
my life that R and I are starting to see each other again.

So far…it’s not gone down well.

As my Dad would say…It’s gone down like a ton of bricks.

Weirdly my Sister has been the most supportive of me. Most
likely because she doesn’t have the cleanest track record when it comes to
fidelity, and she wants to believe more than anyone that people can change and
deserve a second chance. (Also she loves me the most.)

Very unsurprisingly, my Mother has not been at all
supportive. In fact, she’s just been downright unpleasant.

And although I completely understand where she’s coming
from, telling me things like how my breakup with R “hurt the whole family” and
I should consider that before I “put people through that again”, was not
entirely helpful. As well as throwing things back in my face that I’d said 7
months before, when I was still hurting a lot.

But the sour cherry on top of the cake was her sighing and
assuring me that she would be there to help pick up the pieces when it all fell
apart again.

…Thanks Ma.

So aside from my Mother’s predictions that I will lose all
the progress I’ve made and end up a sobbing wreck again, my Dad just sat and looked unhappy that I’d riled up my Mum, but once my Mother had left the room, told
me to say hi to R from him.

I understand why people aren’t completely thrilled about
this situation. I do. People don’t want me to get hurt again. People are wary
of R and the changes she’s making. But things do feel very different now. R is
very different now. I certainly am too.

Yay!

More important that what my darling Mother thinks, is how
the actual relationship between me and R is going.

And so far, a whole month in, it’s going pretty well.

We’ve done a lot of the awkward talk.

Which wasn’t fun.

We’ve talked how much we want to know about the other people
we’d seen during our time apart (now affectionately referred to as “floozies”),
we’ve talked about the amount of contact R still has with this Other Girl,
we’ve talked about how I no longer like to talk and how I’m not a fan of this “Trust”
malarkey anymore.

At times it’s just utterly exhausting, but I also feel like
it will be worth it once we’ve waded through the majority of all this crap and
are a new, fresh, shiny couple.

R flew over to visit me this past weekend and met all of my
German friends…including one of my past
floozies, who drew me into a drinking game and plied me with Jägermeister so I consequently
don’t remember the rest of the evening. But apparently she flirted with me, utterly
shunned R and made snide japes which went right over my head.

But R informs me that the evening was lovely and I did
nothing particularly embarrassing apart from be especially filthy during sex
that night.