I was chilling out on a warm Friday afternoon back in January after a long day at work. I think I even had a beer in my hand that day, something I don’t often do. The phone rang, and being home alone meant I had to drag myself off the couch to get up and answer it.

I’m not really one with much patience for charities/market researchers/telemarketers. Then again, who is? But the woman on the other end of this phone call asked me how my day was. It was so unusually nice. So polite. She then asked me if I knew anything about kidney disease. And I couldn’t help but open up to her. I told her I was a diabetic, and that kidney disease was a possible complication from having diabetes.

She then proceeded to tell me a touching story about sick children on dialysis and how this charity was raising money for a bus to make the dialysis more accessible to these children from home. Well, from memory anyway – don’t quote me on it. She told me that they were urgently needing to raise something like $17,000 in order to help these sick kids. I was really touched. It really resonated with me. That could be me one day. Touch wood, I hope not. But there is a possibility that one day, I might be the one sitting in that chair on dialaysis. I might be the one wishing for the support to make dialaysis easier.

I agreed to buy a raffle ticket. She told me that I had to call her back on a special hotline for the competition. I could have chosen not to call her back. Taken the easy way out. But, being the honest person that I am, I made the call. And she was ever grateful. She thanked me and wished me well, telling me to take care of myself so that she won’t see me come in for dialaysis. And I felt so warm and fuzzy inside. It was one of the best charitable things I could have done.

And then a few days later, my Mum told me about a phone call she received from the Kidney charity. Asking for a donation. Again. I had given them a donation. I was happy to do it. And yet they couldn’t even do the decent thing and cross my name off of the register. I felt as though I had been taken advantage of. That that one good deed went unacknowledged.

Which brings me to a few nights ago. I will emphasise that this was a mere FOUR months later. I was sitting at the dinner table as the phone rang. I got up to answer it, and it was none other than the Kidney charity. Asking for a donation. Again. Telling me that same sad story. Again.

I told the woman on the phone how I felt. I had given a donation, which I was happy to do at the time. And yet I felt as though I were being taken advantage of. They held onto my details (as most charities do) to keep calling me, to keep marketing to me. To keep making me feel guilty and asking for donations.

She told me absolutely not. She said they made absolutely no profit and receive no government support. She told me that they were absolutely grateful for my support last time. But this time around, I didn’t believe it. They’d used a good deed that made me feel good as a way to guilt me again. And again. And again. It just never seems to be enough with charities. So I think that next time, I will politely say no.

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If I’m being completely honest, I’ve been having a few too many hypos lately. Its either happening after a meal, or much to my frustration, at bedtime.

I’ll sneak into the kitchen and try to grab a couple of biscuits from the pantry without Mum or Dad noticing. I don’t want them to think that I’m unhealthy or that I’m not taking care of myself. They’re either thinking that I’m purposely binging on foods that are no good for my blood sugars, or that I’m having another hypo. Either way, I don’t want their pity. I don’t want their concerns. And I don’t want them to think that my diabetes isn’t under control.

But I think the thing that really puts a damper on my hypos at the moment is the prospect of having to shove more jellybeans into my mouth. I’m absolutely sick to death of bloody jellybeans. The way they spoil my freshly brushed teeth and clean mouth. The little pieces that get stuck on my retainer. The dry aftertaste they leave on my tongue. And if I go to sleep, my throat will be so dry by the time I wake up that I’ll be dying of thirst.

That horrible dry aftertaste that lingers on my tongue well into the next morning is a lasting reminder of that hypo. Its a lasting reminder of the frustration and anger I felt when having to deal with that hypo. A lasting reminder of all the frustrations I have in dealing with diabetes each day. And a lasting reminder of my failure to better control my blood sugar levels.

When I go into the chemist and buy that big 1kg bag of jellybeans, I am reminded of all the hypos I’ve been through since I was there last. I feel so small. So guilty. And it leaves me with very little motivation to work harder, to avoid going through it again. I’m trapped in a bit of a vicious cycle.

I need to change the way I think about my hypos if I ever hope to get out of that vicious cycle of history repeating itself each day. And then I remembered something my diabetes educator used to say to me.

“You should treat a hypo with something you enjoy.”

Inspired by that quote, I really hope my three new hypo choices will leave me feeling a little bit satisfied and a little more positive. I am really hoping that next time a hypo rolls around I won’t feel so angry, so frustrated, like wanting to punch the wall. Because right now, more than anything, I need to get out of this vicious cycle.

Powerade. Sports drinks/energy drinks are loaded with sugar, right? I’ve heard it countless times. This one’s a pretty good choice for work (where I’m on my feet all day) too, because I can bring it out without drawing too much attention/diabetes pity towards myself.

Arnott’s Nice Biscuits.

If you’ve been living under a rock and never heard of them, they’re basically biscuits with even more sugar on top (just in case there wasn’t enough sugar inside, right?).

And my favourite pick, Pascall Marshmallows. Similar to jellybeans, its almost entirely made up of sugar and glucose – the perfect combo for combatting a hypo!

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Its been a really cold, wet and miserable weekend. Actually the perfect weather for rugging up, curling in front of the heater and reading d-Blog Week posts!

Anyway, I know that yesterday I said I was burnt out and dying for some much needed rest. But I’ve decided that I’m not yet done with d-Blog Week.

Yesterday I sorta did a wrap on my first Diabetes Blog Week experience. It really has been one of the most humbling and eye opening experiences to me as a fairly new blogger. On Twitter this week I have been sharing and retweeting some of my favourite posts, which made yesterday’s wrap a pretty easy task of highlighting the topics and linking back to the posts that resonated with me most.

But I really didn’t want to have to make the hard decision of singling out individual blogs. However, after seeing all the d-love being spread around thanks to the “Continuing Connections” prompt, I feel compelled to do so. These are three new blogs that I’ve discovered/connected with over the past week:

Every day this week Tamsin and I have commented back and fourth on each other’s blogs. Although she usually beats me to number 4 place on the link list, leaving me to settle for number 5 (unforgiveable!) Tasmin, I really love the way your blog brings together your passion for adventure and travel with type 1 diabetes. I cannot believe you don’t eat carbs and have the hba1c level of a non diabetic person. You really are an inspiration. Please keep Tamsin in your thoughts as she is currently unwell, which you can read more about on her blog.

Being diagnosed at 17, I really didn’t know a lot about diabetes in young children. I read a lot of inspiring stories of d-kids and d-families, however none struck a chord with me more than Pumplette, daughter to the author of Understudy Pancreas. And there’s more to her than her innocent face. She’s a JDRF Ambassador, one of the youngest members of the UK Youth Parliament and might one day be your local vet! If she can face diabetes with such determination at her age, we all can.

There’s just something about the way Ally balances her humor while also hitting the more serious notes to life with type 1 diabetes. I really laughed reading about her apartment that would qualify for a Diabetes edition of Hoarders, while I was also really touched by the recollection of her school days with diabetes. Ally, as you said to me earlier this week, I am so glad I have discovered your blog.

Honourable mention to Kelley of Below Seven – I think I’ve seen your comments on almost every blog post – including many of mine – that I’ve read this week. Thanks for bringing such enthusiasm to dBlog Week!

Also, just wanted to take this opportunity to say thanks for reading and for all the positive support in the last week – its been pretty overwhelming. Particularly to those of you who used me as your ‘Continuing Connection’ – I truly am humbled.

I must say that I’m pretty overwhelmed at the response to my first Diabetes Blog Week. I was pretty daunted at the prospect of writing 7 posts in 7 days, but was also up for the challenge. To stretch myself creatively. Over the past 7 days I’ve had very little sleep, instead being tempted to stay up way past my bedtime to read and comment on as many of the 100+ blog posts that my eyes will let me. Of course, it didn’t help that while you dBloggers in the UK and US were waking up and posting, I was yawning and fighting the urge to go to bed.

It really has been a fantastic experience for me, as a fairly new blogger. Its really connected me with the Diabetes Online Community, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading and discovering many great blogs/bloggers that I never even knew existed! And even though this event has been running for 6 years, I really think Karen Graffeo of Bitter Sweet Diabetes deserves a massive thankyou. Thank you for all your hard work in organising the event and for allowing me to participate in this experience.

Last night as I was telling my parents about dBlogWeek at the dinner table, my Mum asked me what I had learned over the course of this week. Well, a lot actually…

Firstly, type 1 in young children. I was fortunate to be diagnosed at 17, but there are so many who are diagnosed as young children. I could not even imagine. I read some really touching youth stories (thanks Very Light No Sugar). Of d-parents who get up in the middle of the night to test their little one (thanks Diabetes Advocacy). Of d-kids who are taking control of their disease (thanks Understudy Pancreas). I admire you all.

Secondly, Pumps and Continuous Glucose Monitoring devices. I’m on Multiple Daily Injections, but I’ve read so many stories about people’s lives that have changed for the better thanks to pumping. You’ve definitely motivated me to go and find out more.

Thirdly, those of you who have been living with diabetes for a long time. It really made me realise how lucky I am that I live with diabetes in 2015. Like the fact that we never had Lantus (long acting insulin) to keep our BGLs stable overnight (thanks Test, Guess and Go). Like the fact that we weren’t able to check our Blood Sugar Levels at home back then. That insulin wasn’t always safe or readily available. And that diabetes was once a life sentence (thanks RADiabetes). Today, we have inspiring people like the Type 1 Diabeater who are travelling the world and having all sorts of incredible adventures. With Diabetes no less.

Thanks to everyone who has participated in Diabetes Blog Week. I just love the way its really brought the Diabetes Online Community together in a positive way. Thanks for sharing all of your stories, your advice, for inspiring me and for making me laugh. I only wish I could have read them all! Thanks for reading and commenting and for all the positive feedback. If anything, I feel even more passionate about diabetes. I feel even more empowered to write and to advocate. To read more great blog posts and make more connections going forward.

But right now, I feel absolutely burnt out (which I never thought I’d say about blogging!). And I’m dying for a good night’s sleep. See you again next year.

These would by far be my favourite posts on this blog because they are so raw, so real. They are definitely worth a read if I may say so myself! As I was writing those two posts and reliving the memories in my head, the thoughts pretty much flowed straight from my mind onto the computer screen. Its the closest you’ll get to being right inside my mind, or the mind of a diabetic person.

Diabetes is such a complex disease to live with. There are so many different lifestyle factors that influence it. Like what I eat. What I drink. My physical activity (or lack thereof). Emotions. Stress. Illness. Wellness. My Blood Sugar Level. My Insulin dose. My routine. My sleeping habits. My life. And, after 5 years of living with this bloody disease, I felt I had a lot to offer. I had learned so much, experienced so much, that I might have something unique to offer through a blog.

I’ve always been fascinated by computing, technology and social media. I also love being creative. And writing. Writing is my passion. Its something I became even more passionate about after completing a degree in Marketing and Communications at uni. And I figured that a blog would be a good testament to a prospective employer. Particularly a good one.

Truth is, I spent a lot of time over thinking the concept of blogging. What would I name it? What would I write about? How often would I post? How much time would I spend on it? What blog design would I pick? How would I promote myself? How would I make it successful? Did I choose the right name? Should I change the design? Should I edit that post I drafted? It really drove me crazy. And I hate to admit it, but I probably wasted several months obsessing over something that didn’t even exist yet.

And then one day I just started writing. The more I wrote and the more I took an interest in the Diabetes Online Community (DOC), the easier it was for the ideas to come to me. Twitter is a fantastic tool for this. For every diabetes tweet you send out and every diabetes account you follow, you will probably find two more interesting articles, blog posts, people to follow and groups to join. It truly is amazing, and I daresay I have become even more passionate about diabetes since joining the blogosphere and DOC. Ironically, I didn’t even think there was much of a Diabetes Online Community, let alone diabetes blogs, when I started all of this! How wrong was I?

The response to Diabetes Blog Week has been overwhelming and has given me a lot of confidence in my blog. And reading other dBlogs has given me a lot of inspiration for my own diabetes management and a lot of perspective for my blog going forward. I only wish I had time to read all 100 of them!

My dream would be to one day turn this blog into a career. To be a diabetes advocate. Be paid to write. Sure, its hard work. Sure, it will take time. Sure, its not realistic. I’m just chasing a dream. But I’d much rather try and fail than fail to try.