Friday FUSION will be back next week, but because we are celebrating Resurrection Day this Sunday, I felt it apropos to re-post this blog on Good Friday. If you live in the Jacksonville area and you are looking for a church to attend on Sunday, check out New Friendship in Atlantic Beach. If you are not in Jacksonville, a house of worship is only a Google search or a browse through Facebook away. So, read this and then, make plans to Celebrate Jesus!!!

Good Friday is a celebration of hope and expectancy. That may sound weird considering that it is when Jesus was crucified, but if we understand that this was all by God's design, we can have peace and joy about that Friday. Can you imagine what it was like on that fateful day? Just a week earlier people were praising Jesus. And, those same people that cried, “Hosanna,” were now yelling, “Crucify Him!” One of His own disciples sold Him of thirty pieces of silver. Can you fathom knowing that one of your best friends would betray you and still showing him or her love? Jesus even asked the Father to take the burden of our sins away from Him if possible, but was willing to do the will of God no matter what. Peter, my boy Peter, cut off the ear of the soldier that grabbed Jesus, and then, denied him three times before daybreak. And, as the sky turned dark, Jesus cried out, “Father, why have you forsaken Me?” Then, He took His last breath and died…for me.

Can you imagine the despair? Because after He died, and the earth shook and the tombs were open, some finally realized that Jesus was who He said He was and that they had killed the Son of God. Can you picture the grief of those who believed all along? The Savior, their Savior, was dead. He was to be buried in a borrowed tomb. He was their hope, their peace, their joy. And though, He spoke of rising from the dead, if these humans were anything like me, in that moment they felt a deep despair. They probably felt that all hope was lost. And then, they rolled the stone away on Sunday morning and He was not there. At first, they thought someone had stolen Jesus’ body, but the angel reminded them that Jesus had foretold this miracle of Resurrection.

In our lives, our Friday nights are those times when everything goes dark. Friday nights are those times when we think that God has forgotten about us. Friday nights are those times when we need our faith the most because it seems like everything we believe is being tested. But, if we can hold on until Sunday morning, then our miracle can happen. If we can trust God, then our healing can happen. If we can be patient and faithful, then our deliverance can happen. It may not be literally three days. It could be weeks or months or years, but if we can just wait until our Sunday comes, everything will be as He planned. And, no matter how dark it looks right now, Sunday’s on the way! Ms. EV

On Friday night, they crucified the Lord at Calvary, but He said, “Don’t fret because in three days, I’m gonna raise again. You’re gonna see…So, when problems try to bury you (six feet deep) and make it hard for you to pray, they may seem like that Friday night, but Sunday’s on the way. - Take 6

For the foreseeable future, Ms. EV's Blog will feature music from Toni LaShaun Music. Today's song is He's Still God. I wrote this song partly in tribute to my grandmother, Dorothine Bates, and in part for the victims of senseless crimes. In this world, sometimes we experience tragedies that make us wonder why God allows such sadness and pain, but we must be confident in the fact that God is still God. He is still in control. He still sits on the throne and every battle in this life belongs to Him. He will win every time! If you know someone who could use it, please feel free to share this blog with her...Ms. EV

I have been on a bunch of retreats for various reasons. On many teambuilding retreats, there is an exercise called the Trust Fall. In this exercise, one person volunteers to blindly fall into the arms of another person or group of people. The person must face forward, without looking back and just fall. The idea is that you must trust the other person or the group of people to catch you when you fall. It is out natural human instinct that if we don’t trust someone during this exercise, that we will physically prevent ourselves from falling. In those instances, it shows the other person or persons involved that there is not enough trust available to surrender. For years and years, I have had the dream to pursue a career in writing and songwriting. Last year, I started this blog just so that I would have a forum to share, in writing, the wisdom that God speaks to me. For so long, I thought that the only way to be a writer was to have a publishing deal and that nothing I wrote meant anything if I didn’t have that type of deal. When I started the blog, I didn’t know how much I would write or how often, I just started. I closed my eyes, spread my arms out wide, and fell backwards. I trusted that God would do whatever He wants to do with this. There have been times when I have been discouraged and have considered putting an end to this blog. There have been times when I have thought that maybe I am sharing too much of my life with complete strangers. And, every time I have those feelings, I get some sort of encouragement that I am doing the right thing. This is the easy part. The harder dream is the songwriting one. I think I am just more sensitive about the music that I have been inspired to write. Now, feels like the best time to move forward because, before now, I never knew the steps to start my music career, but suddenly, I am finding out information and seeing paths that seemed to be hidden before. It is somewhat scary, though. It seems like there is so much more to lose. This is one of those big Trust Falls; not the kind where you lean back into the arms of a friend, but the kind where you stand on a really high platform and fall into the arms of some co-workers that you barely know. The good news is that I am not falling into the arms of strangers; I am falling into the arms of Jesus. And no matter how vulnerable I feel, no matter how big a risk I take in pursuit of the dream, as long as I know I am following God’s lead, I can close my eyes, spread out my arms, and fall. I am at a stage where it feels like I won’t stop falling, but I know that no matter how far I fall, I can trust Jesus to catch me. I will land safely, and so will you. So, take all of your dreams and trust God with them. Take a leap of faith; He will catch you. Ms. EV

I have a ring that says, “If God brings you to it…He will bring you through it.” I thoroughly believe that. We live in a world that is not our home. It is a world that is sinful by nature, so life is not always easy. On this side of heaven, there will be disappointment, depression, disease and even, death. This doesn’t mean that God is any less in control. And when those situations come into our lives, it is just another opportunity for God to show His awesome power and His abundant love.

For example, last year, my grandmother, who was one of my best friends, passed away. I sat with her and talked with her while she was sick for months, hoping and praying for a miracle, but God did what was best for her and eased her pain. My pain from that loss was unlike anything I had ever gone through. So much so, that I didn’t think that I would ever heal. Then one day, a few months later, I woke up and no longer felt the hurt that had been pulling me down. I still have times of mourning, but God brought me through the rough part.

Then, there are other times when I have to wonder if God brought me to “it” or if I got there on my own. I have been analyzing decisions left and right lately on every issue under the sun. There are times that I know I made a good, God-led choice initially, and then veered onto my own path and there are times that I just left God out completely. So, when we bring ourselves to it, will God still bring us through it? I believe He will because He knew the path we would take before we took it. It may not be the path He chose for us, but He has a way of working everything out because He sees all and He knows all and best of all, He loves His children. So, if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it and if I bring me to it, He can still bring me through it. Satan would have us dwell on everything we made crooked, but God wants us to watch Him make it straight. We just have to truly want to live and walk in His path. Ms. EV

I am writing this for me, and I pray that it inspires someone else. I used to say that I am not good at waiting, in fact, I am sure that I have said it on this blog at least once, but I read Psalm 62:5 today and it gave me a different perspective. In The Message, it reads, “God, the one and only—I'll wait as long as He says. Everything I hope for comes from Him, so why not?” I guess in the past few years I have adopted this attitude. It is not that I am not good at waiting because I am most definitely waiting on God; it is that waiting is not easy. There is a song that says, “I don’t mind waiting on You, Lord,” and every time our minister of music wants us to sing it, I tell him I don’t feel comfortable saying that because I am not sure that I don’t mind waiting. I know that I will wait, but I am a human being, and sometimes waiting for things that do not seem to go against the Will of God is difficult.

But, this psalm says that everything we hope for comes from God, so why not wait for as long as He says. If I go out and get the relationship I want, but it does not come from God, will it sustain? Will it be satisfying? If I try to force my career path in a direction that seems to be what I want, but it is not in God’s timing, will it be frustrating? Will it be fulfilling? I do not know the answers to these questions, but I know that whatever God gives me, He adds no sorrow to it (Proverbs 10:22). So, if I wait on God, who is the Source of everything I could hope for and so much more, I will have exactly what I want and need, and I will not have to question whether it is right or whether the time is right. Even though waiting is not ideal in our fast-paced, instant-gratification society, waiting on God is so worth it. Ms. EV

Okay, so it usually isn’t so grammatically correct, it usually goes more like, “God don’t like ugly.” You know, when someone is not giving you your way, “God don’t like ugly.” When someone who has been rude gets their just desserts, “God don’t like ugly.” When you were a little kid, being a brat and your parent warned you, “God don’t like ugly.” But, the other day, I was reading about Leah in the Bible, and I started to question whether or not this statement, “God don’t like ugly,” that we throw around as gospel is really true. I have no idea what Leah looked like as there were no cameras or sketch artists back then. All I know is that every time I hear about Leah, she just wasn’t as attractive as Rachel (at least, not to Jacob). And, she must not have been to her father either, as Laban, under darkness of night, passed her off as her sister, Rachel to Jacob. I’m not sure what Leah thought of it whether she was grateful to her father for helping her get a man or whether she felt deeply insecure that her father had to trick a man into marrying her. Imagine waking up from your honeymoon night, and your new husband says, “Seriously, Laban! What the heck? I didn’t want this one! I want the pretty one! I’ll work another seven years for Rachel.” Okay, so maybe I took a little creative license there, but you get the gist. Amazingly, and this is not a man-bashing statement just the truth of what actually happened, Jacob loved Rachel so much more, but had no problem having babies with her sister, Leah. Many people would say, “Well, that’s just how they did things back then.” True enough, but notice how Leah kept having Jacob’s babies hoping that he would love her more than her barren sister. That is something that still happens today. We, yes I am including myself, sometimes throw ourselves at men who do not want us, and give them all our goodies (whether we are trying to get pregnant or not), in the hopes that they will fall in love. NEWSFLASH: It didn’t work for Leah and it still doesn’t work. You might get a baby, but that does not guarantee you will get your boo. Back to the, “God don’t like ugly” statement. In The Message Bible, it says, “Leah had pretty eyes, but Rachel was stunningly beautiful.” It sounds like one of those compliments where you are searching for something nice to say. “Oh, your…hair is so cool.” “I really like your…dress.” “You are so…sweet.” Poor Leah, whether she actually was unattractive or not, she had to feel unappealing and we know she was unloved because the Bible says that is why God opened her womb. Now, here is the great part, not only did God open her womb, but He used her wounds, the ugly part of her life; having children for a man that would never love her. Leah had Reuben, Simeon, Levi and Judah. All of those names should sound familiar, but the last one, Judah, which means Praise God, is the line from which Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior came. Outer beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you ask ten people what beauty is, you will get ten different answers. I know that most of the time when we say, “God don’t like ugly,” we are referring to behavior. But, whether you feel unpleasant on the outside, or you are in a situation that is ugly, even if you cause the situation, God can still make something beautiful out of the situation when you surrender to His Will. God doesn’t like ugly behavior, especially if it is malicious, but He can and will use it for His glory. There are many examples of that throughout the Bible. Ms. EV

Around this time last year, I was doing a lot of self-reflection. I felt like my life was just going around in circles. It was boring, too routine. I thought I needed a challenge, something to shake things up. I was stuck in a rut. Well, as I discussed last Wednesday, in Jesus Will Work It Out, I took on the challenge of a new class believing that it would breathe new life into my passion for teaching. However, just like with law school, I found out very early on that this new class was not something that I wanted to do long-term. This leaves me stuck in a conundrum because a friend fought for me to get to teach the class, so I do not want to disappoint my friend, but I also do not want to continue to teach a class that makes me miserable. Please do not misunderstand me, though. No matter what teaching assignment I have whether I love it or hate it, I teach to the best of my abilities because the Bible says to do everything as unto the Lord. So, it’s not just about my preferences or enriching students lives, it is also about doing my best for God. So, here I am stuck in a conundrum and still stuck in a rut, but yesterday, I had an epiphany.Since the beginning of this year, I have gotten back to focusing on music. I started learning to play the guitar. I started writing new songs and putting music to old songs. It has been truly fulfilling. Last night, I went to an amazing church service. The Word and the worship were so on point. In the middle of worship, as tears streamed down my face and the music pierced my soul, I wrote in my notes, “Lord, this is what I want to do.” I do not desire for people to praise me, but I want to write music that helps people tap into the power of praising God. I want to help people reach the full potential of true worship; worshipping in Spirit and truth. I can quit my job, take a new job, switch classes, but none of that will make me feel any better. The true reason for my rut was that I had abandoned what God had placed on my heart a long time ago. My pastor always says if you can’t find your passion, think of what makes you cry. That is where your passion lies. Nothing makes tears flow from my eyes like powerful music; music that makes you reflect on how good God is, music that makes you remember His grace and mercy, music that helps you realize how much He loves you. That is what was missing. I am passionate about shaping young lives in education, but my real passion is making music: singing, writing, and now playing. My rut was never going to end as long as I kept tweaking surface issues in my life. Now, I have been reintroduced to my passion and reinvigorated towards my passion. Pursuing the gift that God has given me is what will make everyday of living my life enjoyable. A new song or a new melody can change the whole tenor of my day. So, if you are like I was and you are bored because your life has become routine, do not randomly change things about your job, your relationships, or your church. Discover or rediscover your passion. Pursue it in a way that you have never pursued it before. I am sure we have all heard that you can’t get what you’ve never gotten by doing what you’ve always done. Change the things that matter. When you use the tools and gifts that God gives you, it can enhance every part of your life. You do not have to be stuck in a rut. Ms. EV

Now, that I have your attention. It is not what you think, so stop judging. I didn’t secretly get married, I don’t have a baby daddy and I didn’t get artificially inseminated. It is an immaculate conception of sorts; a great expectation. Within me, there is a dream. And the longer it takes for that dream to be realized, the larger my expectations become. I have become enlarged in waiting. Though, the devil would like to use this waiting to attack my relationship with God, His love for me and mine for Him, our relationship is not diminished by the wait. In fact, our relationship grows deeper due to the wait. I cannot see what God has planned for my life, but my hope is in Him. Like a mother waiting to give birth, I have good days and bad days. Some days, I feel beautiful and glowing and some days, I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person in front of me. Some days, I see the dream within as an awesome miracle, and some days, I feel that this dream within is a burden that I’m not sure I can bear. Some days, I have incredible energy and some days, I feel like I can’t go on any longer. Nevertheless, with each day that passes, though my flesh may break down, my spirit becomes stronger. My faith is stronger. My love for God is stronger. I can’t see what He is doing, but I know that He is in control and I just want to be used by Him. And, when the day of deliverance comes, my waiting will only increase my joy. Ms. EVThese sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Romans 8:23-25 (MSG)

I am writing this for me, and I pray that it inspires someone else. I used to say that I am not good at waiting, in fact, I am sure that I have said it on this blog at least once, but I read Psalm 62:5 today and it gave me a different perspective. In The Message, it reads, “God, the one and only—I'll wait as long as He says. Everything I hope for comes from Him, so why not?” I guess in the past few years I have adopted this attitude. It is not that I am not good at waiting because I am most definitely waiting on God; it is that waiting is not easy. There is a song that says, “I don’t mind waiting on You, Lord,” and every time our minister of music wants us to sing it, I tell him I don’t feel comfortable saying that because I am not sure that I don’t mind waiting. I know that I will wait, but I am a human being, and sometimes waiting for things that do not seem to go against the Will of God is difficult. But, this psalm says that everything we hope for comes from God, so why not wait for as long as He says. If I go out and get the relationship I want, but it does not come from God, will it sustain? Will it be satisfying? If I try to force my career path in a direction that seems to be what I want, but it is not in God’s timing, will it be frustrating? Will it be fulfilling? I do not know the answers to these questions, but I know that whatever God gives me, He adds no sorrow to it (Proverbs 10:22). So, if I wait on God, who is the Source of everything I could hope for and so much more, I will have exactly what I want and need, and I will not have to question whether it is right or whether the time is right. Even though waiting is not ideal in our fast-paced, instant-gratification society, waiting on God is so worth it. Ms. EV

How can you put a timetable on the Father of time? When I was younger, I had my whole life planned out. I would finish high school, and then go to college, hopefully graduating early, so that I could go to law school and be finished before I was 24. Then, I would get married and have my first child by 25, so that I could have the other one or two before I turned 30 and there would be at least two years in between them. I would, of course, be doing all of this, while becoming a highly sought-after corporate attorney and the best wife ever. Well, I graduated from high school on time and from college a year early. But, I filled both experiences with so much pressure to be perfect and so many extra activities that, by the time I graduated from college, I was EXHAUSTED.I told my parents that I wanted to come back home and work for a year before I went back to school and they were very receptive to the idea. That still would allow me to graduate law school by 24 and continue on my timetable. Then, I met my ex-husband. I had already been accepted to law school, but the relationship was going so well, and he wanted to marry me, so I didn’t want to leave for law school until after we had a proper courtship and marriage. This was not exactly part of my plan, but still fit in the plan. You see, by getting married, I was ensuring that I would have a husband, so we could start having babies as soon as I graduated. Actually, as time went on, we planned that we would start trying to get pregnant during my third year, so that I could have the baby as close to my graduation date as possible, so, I could stay home until they were old enough for daycare, and then find a job.That didn’t exactly go as planned since I got divorced after my first year of law school. Then, I realized I didn’t want to be a lawyer. My whole plan and my timetable went out the window. So, for the next five years, I tried to figure out what I was supposed to do and who I was supposed to be. All the while, I was thinking that I had to have a child by the time I was 30. Then, I turned 30, and while I found a career that I love and had a boyfriend, I still felt pressured to be married and have a child. Then, in the last few years, I have been single and dateless and my job has become less satisfying, so once again, I started searching for or what I am supposed to be. Now, though, I know that I can only find that answer by seeking God’s face. When I think about my crazy timetables and the pressure that I brought on myself, it all feels so ridiculous. I was accomplishing and achieving, and even, envied, but I was also anxious, aggravated and exhausted. All God wants me to be is His forever, and since He has forever, who am I to try to plan a good time for things in my life? He has a reason for every season. The old fable of the tortoise and the hare teaches that, “Slow and steady wins the race.” So even, when my life seems to be moving in slow motion, I have to know that if am obedient and walk in His Will and His Way, everything that happens in my life is on time.