March 2009

BOOOO! I hate it when races are decided on legal technicalities – and while the brand new “Brawny Virgins” (tee hee!) team had a great weekend, the outcome of the Melbourne Grand Prix will ultimately be decided in court. BOOOOOOO!

In other news: I’m really hoping to repeat last Monday’s effort and get to the super early Body Attack class in the morning. Last week I ended up doing:

Monday: 1 hour Body Attack

Tuesday: 25 minutes cardio followed by one hour of Pilates

Wednesday: MIGRAINE

Thursday… ummmm – I can’t remember what I did Thursday! Oh, that’s right – still migraineous, and since it was show holiday the gym was only open in the morning, and I missed it.

Friday: Ki Max, one hour.

Saturday – ummmm … slobbed on the couch and slept!

Sunday – same again. In my defence, it was (of course) the first Grand Prix of the year, and the only one where we get this much coverage – normally we’re lucky to see qualifying and the race.

So – not a good week. And a really dreadful week food-wise too – I STILL have this GINORMOUS MENTAL BLOCK about recording what I’m eating. A coupla days I did use the online food diary on Calorie King, but that’s not really working. But then, neither is my not writing stuff down!

ARRGGGGH! WHAT is going on here? I feel simultaneously out of control and not WANTING to be controlled – What the …?

I KNOW what I have to do to lose the weight. I KNOW IT!!! I know I have to eat at regular times, and watch the calories, and make sure I’m getting the right balance of carbs and protein and everything else. WHY CAN’T I DO IT?

This is not helped this evening by my enormously bloated tummy. Whether it was something I ate today (I was bad – dates! pecans! almonds! curry with sultanas in it (again) for dinner!) or having a late afternoon sleep with my CPAP machine on I don’t know. But it hurts.

Last time I weighed myself I was heavier than the week before. Again, I KNOW that measurements on the scale are NOT the most important thing – but they can really de-rail me. You can tell me ’til the cows come home that what matters is lean muscle mass, that getting stronger and losing inches are better indicators of how I’m doing… but none of that helps when I’m feeling blah.

BLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Anyway, new week, new start: I will do better on recording what I eat. I will get exercise on more days this week. And I will go to bed right now! My gym gear is all ready to go, the alarms are set.. I just have to sleep.

It’s early days yet, haven’t done the graphics, and so far only one post, but we’ll get there. Wooo hoooo!

And be sure to check out Sue’s other blog, Fit and Forty *mumble* ,about her fitness adventures. (I tell ya, the woman is INSPIRING!)

I am still somewhat migraineous. (is that a word? who cares?!) BUT I did manage to go to Ki Max (boxing and kicking on a bag) class today and really enjoyed it. There’s something very satisfying about pretending the bag is an ex who was in my NIGHTMARES last night, and really REALLY belting him (it!) up. Oh yeah.

Sadly, my team‘s cars are not really cutting it so far. And having the best driver in the world doesn’t do much if you’re up the back of the grid. And I’m not happy about the twilight timing of the race, but what can you do? Can’t wait to see how the new rules play out… slicks! and the KERS! WOOOOOOOOOOO!

BOOOOOOOOOOPH!

BOOPH! BOOOOOPH!

BOOOPH!

What’s that, you ask?

It is the sound of bubbles in a glass of soda water – when I have a migraine. Yep, I get the full-on deal – pain and weakness down one side of my body, sometimes loss of vision in one eye, nausea, and extreme sound and light sensitivity.

Why thank you, Jeeves! Silenced soda, just as I ordered!

Of course, today was the day the neighbourhood’s neglected dogs decided to sit a foot away from each other across the fence and see who could make the most annoying barking noise for the longest.

I think the migraine started last night – I suspect that one of the fluoro lights in the gym group fitness room,was doing that ever so subtle flick-flick-flicker-flick thing that they do before they fail – I know that sort of flickering is a trigger for my migraines. Especially if I’m tired to begin with.

So I’m heading back to bed, having been upright for a grand total of maybe 2 hours today. Bleagh.

I am in shock. And most people who know me will also be STUNNED to hear this:

I WENT TO A 5:45 EXERCISE CLASS THIS MORNING AND I ENJOYED IT!!

Not quite like this, obviously!

I’ll just give you all a moment to pick yourselves up from the ground…

The instructor was very kind and demonstrated “Level One” (aka “you unfit slob, you”!) moves; the rest of the class were regulars and mostly did all the high impact high energy stuff.

I don’t think I’ve been up this early for YEARS, let alone up this early to exercise! Well, that’s not quite true – I got up around the time the dog usually gets me up so she can outside for a wee – the difference is that this time I stayed upright and tried to wake up.

And now I’m feeling terribly virtuous and efficient, which we know I’m NOT…. and I expect I won’t make it through the day without a nap, but – baby steps, eh?!

(PS: Suzy Suzy Sue, you are soooooooooooooooooooooo lucky I didn’t text you and make you come to class too – I admit, it was only fear of you doing it back to me another day that stopped me, LOL!)

So here it is: The McFractured Tartan skirt. As you might be able to see, I went a teeny bit berserk on the piecing… there was no plan, just lots of hacking fabric apart and then sewing it up again. I *could* have just used the fabric as it was off the bolt, but – naaaah! I have more of the same fabric on layby, and the plan is to make a little jacket that is *perfectly* matched across the plaid. Just to show I can, you know!

Fabric was a bargain buy from Gardams. It’s a wool/ poly/viscose blend, and creases just seem to drop out of it. It also goes through the washing machine very well! I used a couple of metres of inch wide black grosgrain ribbon for the waist ties. Top is a $7 special from Rockmans; shoes are my favourite I Love Billys that you have seen me wearing almost every photo.

Pattern is the wrap skirt included in this book:

which of course I have mentioned previously. I did alter the pattern for length. And for width *sigh* since I am CONSIDERABLY larger than the pattern given, LOL! Still got a long way to go on this weight loss/getting fit thing…

My new shoes? ARRGH! One of them had stitching coming undone after ONE WEAR!! So I took them back to the shop, who offered to get them repaired – I’m not happy, but I felt I had to be reasonable – if I have ANY other problems with them I will demand a replacement.

Grrr! They had better be ready tomorrow…

I had my Personal Training session last night, which turned out to be a long discussion about how I was going to work out for the next two weeks – I’m all about the cardio, baby!! I felt that my weight loss was slowing down so Gwennie reckoned changing to more group fitness might do the trick.

Group fitness is never this crowded at my gym!

So tomorrow I do half an hour of cardio then Oxigeno class; Friday is KiMax; Saturday I would usually do Power Fit but the new Radical Fitness classes are being released so I’ll do a 40 minute KiMax class, the 40 minutes of Oxigeno; Sunday is either X55 or taking the dog for a walk/run; Monday is (possibly!) a VERY EARLY CLASS (quarter to six AM. Really?!?)of Body Attack, and that brings us back to (DO oh oh oh, DOE, a dear…) Tuesday, with a half hour of cardio before the Pilates class.

Are you tired yet?! Just the video for that new U-Bound program that Radical is starting wears me out!

Let alone the planned 7 and a half hours of training this week Whew! It will be interesting to see how I go…

Today was my rest day… so I didn’t get much done. I’m going to watch House ep 516. I know, I know, totally fangeeky to know the ep number, but that’s me! (I won’t link in case you don’t want to be spoilerised.)

So I didn’t go to the gym on the weekend – which would have been FINE had I not baked Peach Crumble Slice last night. And eaten ALL OF IT with Mr Beloved. Oh dear.

Never mind – rather than dwelling on the mistake, I took myself and my new cross trainers off to the gym this arvo.

Asics Gel 580-TR cross trainers

Did my 30 minutes of cardio stuff (Translation: panting on the treadmill while it makes whooshy up and down noises as it changes the gradient – so high tech!) and 30 or so minutes of upper body resistance training (Trans: Wobbly tuckshop lady arms struggling to lift teeny weeny weights).

Then home via the library (because as we all know, there is NOTHING TO READ in my house….) in time for Scrapheap Challenge.

Tomorrow I’ve got an Exciting Thing to do! It involves the transformation from this old version of Caity….

Caity, June 2008

… into the new (slightly more slimline!) short haired blonde seen around here lately… with more make-up. Think I’ll even ending up wearing the same top (although we might have to pin it back slightly!)

More on that tomorrow. I’ve know about this for a week, and kinda wish that I had known longer in advance, because then I would have attempted the stupid unrealistic thing of “how much weight can I lose before THEN?”!

Uh – maybe not, eh? I’m where I am NOW. That will do.

I mean, I’ve come a long way already in the weight loss/getting fit/getting healthy stuff… I’m just feeling frustrated at myself because I feel like the results aren’t happening quickly enough. I know, it takes time, it takes training – but my inner toddler says “WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!”

Fortunately my inner surly teen whiner (“what’s the use, this isn’t gonna work, you can’t make me do this ANYWAY”) is securely locked in her room and is not allowed out.

So I’ll keep going. And going. and talk to my personal trainer after Pilates class tomorrow night about re-focussing and what I need to do next.

Time for a (lo-fat!) hot choc and a few pages before I zonk. Night all!

I didn’t get myself into quite as much debt as she did – but then, I don’t have access to the luxury outlets she did, nor did I have multiple credit cards. Not for want of the big banks trying – the rotters just sent me another “you have been pre-approved for a credit increase” letter this week, which would have taken my credit limit to substantially more than my annual income – now, how STUPID is that?

(Mr Beloved insists that When He Comes To Power, any banks or financial institutions offering credit cards to those who clearly can’t afford them will be deemed to have given a GIFT of that amount to the offer-ee. Fair enough!)

And to those who say that the film is inappropriate during the Global Financial Crisis, I say: HELLLLLLOOO? Surely if we’d all been less shopaholic and not been living way beyond our means there wouldn’t BE a GFC?

And now, since we have just had a brief rain shower, my sinuses are acting up and insisting that all my top teeth are about to be shot out of my jaw, and that someone has punched me in the nose. I’m off to lie down.

For all the rantings and ravings I’ve heard and read from various commentators about the “ditziness” of recent rom-com heroines, I thought MOST of the people in this movie – male AND female – were pretty dumb.

Ok, I admit: I have been dumb over relationships. REALLY dumb. I’ve married abusive men; I’ve stayed in relationships long after it was obvious that they were not only dysfunctional but downright unhealthy. Many people are dumb about relationships. That doesn’t mean we want to see a fairly boring movie about it!

The good bits: Scarlett Johansen has an awesome body! Ginnifer Goodwin is Pretty! The scene settings of women around the world telling the kind lies to their friends was funny. The one couple who shoulda been together were awwwwwwwwww…..

Today we’re off to see “Confessions of a Shopaholic” which has also been reviewed as having a DUMB heroine. I’ll let you know. However, it also has the divine Kristen Scott Thomas, who, quite frankly, I would watch in ANYTHING.

I’m also off to spend money (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!) on new sneakers for gym. (are you even allowed to CALL them “sneakers” when they cost so much?!?) because my 14 month old ones are now making my feet hurt.

OMFSM!!* This latest issue of Threads magazine, issue 142, has got to be the BEST EVER!! And I have every single issue from issue 53, June /July 1994. So that’s really saying something!

(and no, you can’t borrow them. Unless I really really trust you and value our friendship. And know where you live.)

You know how sometimes you get the latest mag (not just Threads, any magazine) and flick through going “Ho hum same-o same-o yawn blah”? And then sometimes you get an issue and every turn of the page IS EXACTLY SOMETHING YOU NEED RIGHT NOW?

Yep.

It’s not just that this is a fitting special – although obviously, given my changing shape and my desire to actually wear clothes that show I have a waist (YAY!) I’m getting a lot out of that; no, it’s also got a super groovy article on splicing knits (swoon!)…

Connie Long's article on splicing knits looks like fun...

(you don’t think they could look too star-trekky, do you? I mean, that’s the appeal of CURVES over straight lines, but still…)

… and another neat article on various hem finishes . As well as the usual gorgeous image on the back cover of a divine vintage garment. Oh, and the Quick to make wrap…. and the gallery of winners of the Threads/ Association of Sewing and Design Professionals challenge… and oooh, the article on making fabric roses, I always like new techniques for those, and….

Well. I’m kinda keen, as you can tell.

No brown paper bags or affils, yada yada – I’m obviously just a huge fan of the mag and the consistently clear photos and instructions.

Now I’m off for a quick cuppa with my bestest sewing buddy (yay!) and then some more sewing on the “MacFractured” wrap skirt before Pilates class. Whew!

Didn’t sleep well last night, one of the mysteries of the universe, that…

So as I was lying in bed this morning debating whether or not to get up (Caity’s Conscience: “But you missed gym yesterday!” Caity’s Rationalisation: “But I can’t train EVERY day…”) when my BFF texted me: “Shoe shopping after gym?”

WELL!! Caity’s Conscience and Caity’s Rationalisation both got a swift kick in the behind and out the door! Once I got there I *was* just going to do my weights program…but I’ve been dancing around the idea of joining the Ki Max class (group class with lots of boxing and kicking, 4 people to a standing bag) and when one of the other newbies I’d spoken to recently was doing I thought – why not?

Another newbie for the class?!

IT WAS AWESOME!! It really oughta be illegal to have that much fun while actually doing a good workout AND getting to smash the (imagined) anatomy of various people who have aroused my anger.

*thingummy whose name I can’t remember but where you hit upwards – body strike?* OOOMPH! and TAKE THAT, rude checkout chicky babe!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. The release!!! The HIGH!!! The satisfaction!

I have never sweated so much in my entire life. I had to stop and sit down a coupla times, but WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!! Of course, it helped that one of the gym owners was giving us three newbies our own little tutorials – how good is that service?

The only baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad thing was that because I did the class at the last minute, I had to use the old sweaty gloves that are kept in reserve … omg, the PONG!!! So before next Friday I will do as everyone else does, and buy my own gloves.

I am amazed how far I’ve come in that last twelve months – I do need to be reminded (perhaps LOUDLY, dear readers!) of that.

Now I am taking my sore shoulders and abs for a nice soak in the bath.

I have made a lot of changes in the last year. Losing weight, starting exercise; the TAHBSO (Total Abdominal Hysterectomy and Bilateral Salpingo-Oopherectomy and ensuing surgical menopause; taking better care of my skin, wearing make-up more; and getting more interested in clothing and fashion again after years of hiding in shapeless oversized clothes.

Not to mention actually getting real help with my mental illness(es?!), being in a stable and loving relationship (*mwah!* to the Teabot5000) and working towards not only getting out of debt but STAYING out of debt.

Most of these changes have been difficult, and especially so for the poor old Teabot5000 – He. Does. Not. Like. Change.

I mean, it would be hard enough for most men – but throw in the Asperger’s and you could have a disaster.

So far, we’ve managed to keep sailing. Mostly. We’ve had a few instances where we’ve both had to bail water out of the bottom of the boat, so to speak…

But then today I was soooooo ANGRY!!!

Not really at himself. Just at – well, EVERYTHING! I’m tired of being broke. I’m REALLY tired of that. I’m tired of having to watch every single cent as it briefly transits through our bank account into someone else’s pocket.

I’m tired of being TIRED. Still. (although some of that may be due to not getting enough iron – see “watching every bloody cent” above…)

I’m tired of feeling like my life has no meaning.

Yes, I know we’re well off compared to many – we have the house, we have the car, we have each other, we’re not starving, we have clean water etc etc. I know I should be grateful for all that and I am – but I am feeling whiney and miserable and I just want to know WHY IS IT ALL SO HARD?!?!

There are some luxuries in my life, after all – the gym membership is expensive (but nowhere near as expensive as staying fat and inactive); and I generally get help to see the medical professionals I need to see. We have the internet, for gawd’s sake.

And I am fully aware that my former spending habits (and a few episodes of uncontrolled mania) are largely to blame for our current situation.

Maybe if I sell a kidney, I could afford some fripperies?

(you know I’m joking about the kidney, right? But if you’re interested in second hand sewing machines, let’s make a DEAL!)

BUT – I would like to be well enough to work. At something meaningful. Is that too much to ask? (Probably, given the economy – with so many able bodied/non-mentally-ill/more recently employed potential employees out there, who on earth is going to “spare a shekel for an old ex leper?”, to slightly misquote The Pythons.)

They all want the one advertised job...

Congrats if you’ve managed to read this far without my whine turning into the noise Charlie Brown’s teachers make:

So remember a few posts back (before the blog was Hjørsejacked for the nano song) I mentioned I was reworking a skirt? Here it is.

(As you can see, I still have quite a way to go on getting rid of the tummy *sigh*. I think I’m doing SO well and then I see a photo of myself and get all discouraged.)

Mr Beloved says this is NOT the most flattering outfit, and he’s right; but at least I have a wearable skirt for a little while. And the trim is so much fun!

Ribbons (mostly from the stash), some measuring tape (which may have belonged to my Nana – or someone else’s Nana, I do seem to get a lot of inherited craft bits and bobs!) that had suffered an unfortunate accident with a rotary cutter; and a flurry of tulle at the hem. (also unintentional but inevitable trim: small feathers from the cockatiels, cat fur, and poodle hairs.)

Anyway, I’m happy with it, it’s a fun skirt to wear, and even though I ended up pretty much remaking the darn thing from scratch, it was worth doing. PLEASE tell me honestly what you think of the skirt!!

Now if only the new Ottobre Woman magazine would come so I could make some other patterns up….

Meanwhile, I’m off the to the gym for Pilates class. I went to the physiotherapist (again) today and he worked out that I have some residual nerve damage from my glorious ankle twist of mid January… also that I have long-standing issues with my C6-C7 neck joint which are in fact the cause of some of my wrist weakness and pain. Huh! I also have ulna/radius joint weakness as well, so it’s lost more rehabilitation exercises for me and even more phsyiotherapist appointments… it never ends!! Who knew that hyper-flexible joints were such a problem?