Making of a Foal - 1

I have 2 mares in heat at the same time. 1 live cover to our own stallion and one whom I’m breeding to an outside stallion AI. Needless to say this time of year is nuts.

First off, thank a breeder, this part of the job a headache! If you even get the thought “awww, but I want a baby horsey” slap that out of your head right now. Unless you really like to touch horse cock and vaginas, be poor and lose sleep.

Mare 1: Sexy trollop that she is, backs into fence seductively throughout the day. If she gets too worked up she actually touches the electric with her winking vulva, proceeds to kick the living crap out of the fence and with any good luck doesn’t lacerate something in the process. Meanwhile the stud is just stupid crazy with the smell of mares in heat and he runs around whacking his flanks with a massive hard on most of the day. Which is perfect with neighboring kids coming to visit.

I take the time and effort to wash that arm length hard on, without being mounted myself or ejaculated on. Making sure my assistant and I are dressed to the 9s in helmets, impact vests, and steel toed shoes, the mating dance commences. Lucky mare handler gets the easy job as I ski behind my stallion screaming at him “NO.” After 3 attempts and a good wallop he finally gets it in his head that he needs MY permission to mount. 3 seconds later we are begging him not to pass out as his tail flags. Mare handler is ready with the whip to smack the mare who likes to kick the stallion in the balls on dismount.

Put stallion away, walk mare, and then do the “Ewww, the tail wrap is covered in cum dance” as you remove it. Rinse and repeat, every other day until Squirty McSexy Butt is out of heat.

Mare 2: This one will be the death of me. Knowing she’s had an issue taking before, I wait for a “normal heat cycle,” fat chance. She proceeds to wink at my stallion for 14+ days. Slut. Finally stops that nonsense. Wait a week, short cycle, and ultrasound 2 days later. 2 good follicles and oh look a cyst. Errr. Whatever. Watch mare for signs of heat. Immediately upon arrival (8 mile trailer ride from vets office) she’s in full heat, winking squirting and begging for loving from anything that has a heartbeat.

Do crazy follicle math in head and decide to schedule next ultrasound in 3 days. Knowing that this mare likes to hold a 40mm+ follicle I try not to panic on my decision to wait for next ultrasound and scheduling stallion collection. Call stallion farm find out you can’t order same day you have to order by 8pm the night before. Rush mare back into vet for last minute ultrasound check the next day. Mare decides NOT to poop on trailer ride this time and waits to poop on the vet just as they are about to do a rectal. 35mm. So semen math, order now, collect tomorrow, arrive Thursday should have 40+mm follicle. OK ORDER!

Bring mare home, call stallion station, leave message with after hours staff that you want to order, and head off to local pub for Taco Tuesday! Because you’re broke and just spent $$$$ on semen and only can afford a $2 taco for dinner.

Get call back from stallion station while at bar and proceed to talk about semen loudly so the guy sitting next to you at the bar literally moves a seat over away from you.