Traffic Calamity Brewing Near Fishers' Big Three

I’ve never been to an IKEA. I’ve heard it’s like a Sears store that sells furniture parts. There's only a few in the world, and the latest is the Fishers location that opens October 11th. Awesome. I champion any kind of business that locates to central Indiana. Maybe they sell antiques - I need a new end table for my ceiling fan.

Fishers is really kicking everyone’s teeth in right now. It’s like all of a sudden you get a mayor and WHOOP-DE-DOO look at my gold chain with a double-diamond interchange encrusted at the bottom bead. My sister - Mr. Biscuits - is a nurse in Carmel. When I mentioned that Fishers was the number one place to live on some survey, she was like “hmph, I mean, Fishers is a mess.”

(Carmel, I'm only picking because I love. Roundabouts are pretty smooth, especially when I'm backed up on the ramp from Keystone because we're all OKAY I'LL QUIT).

Still, there’s a car storm on the horizon. It’s like the convergence of three traffic problems all at once - and it starts with hot beef. I love hot beef.

PORTILLO’S WELCOME

What a delicious traffic abnormality! Portillo’s has opened its Fishers location, right off of I-69 and 116th St. No food drop to the WIBC Traffic Center - nary a napkin. It’s fine. Have you ever bitten the fat part of your hand? It’ll get you through the day.

Drive Fishers - an excellent resource for serious and modest road/street work around Fishers - offered a map on how to arrive and depart from Portillo’s.

Okay, let's be real. The thought of having to document how to get to and from the restaurant is a little bit chilling to me. Granted, I always overreact to potential traffic calamaties - I worry (and sometimes cry) so you don't have to. My locker combination is 69, 37, and 116 (it's a big lock).

TOPGOLF

On the north side of 116th St. is Topgolf. This behemoth is 65,000-square-feet and three floors of all kinds of golfing.

That's one big sucker.

It's safe to say this will cause an uptick in traffic. My friend said there’s a rocket ship there. It’s like professional golf without a windmill or a gorilla that eats your ball on the ninth hole. You have to hold her hips, like in Tin Cup. Good first date stuff, unless you suck at golf like I do. Last time I played, they turned the sprinklers on when I teed off. I was like 22. And Jack Daniels.

This hasn’t opened yet, but it's supposed to in the fall. It’ll be fun. I love bumper cars.

IKEA

Portillo’s is like the gatekeeper to Ikea. Before you hop on IKEA Way or USA Parkway, you’ll surely get a whiff of Portillo’s hot beef if your car windows are down. There’s no way I could buy furniture parts or a clean toilet seat before getting a face full of chili dog and squidly fries. That’s what America is.

Again, IKEA will open Wednesday, October 11th. I’ll be there.

In February.

Before IKEA opens, I'll talk with some serious people who can elaborate about the potential upcoming traffic problems involving the “big three” around I-69 and 116th St. Maybe there’ll be none. More to come.

NORTH SPLIT RAMP CLOSURE REDUX, REDUX

Holy hell, that must have been a big truck.

The ramp from westbound I-70 to southbound I-65 is closed on Friday night from around 9:00pm until Monday morning at 6:00am. Let's be cool - we DO NOT HAVE TO REROUTE. You’ll be pushed over to the collector, or in my terms - Local 65/70 - and be able to make your way down and around downtown. By the way, the left lane of the collector is also closed. Just stay right.

(Volunteers drew around 4000 feet of chalk on the Indy Cultural Trail Thursday, breaking the world record. It's not necessarily traffic related - just really cool).

Upcoming blogs will feature the end times of construction projects along with specifcs on traffic patterns surrounding I-69 and 116th St. in Fishers. Traffic is traffic, but growth is so good. Congrats Fishers.

-Bair

Matthew Bair is a flashing red light in the middle of a roundabout. He's the new voice of Indianapolis traffic, and can be followed on Twitter @WIBCTraffic. Tips? As in ribs? Call direct at (317) 684-8134 or the WIBC Newsroom at (317) 637-6397.