Sentimentality of the soul

'Morning' is always the most spiritual time for me .This is the time around 7.30 am while I see my husband leaving for work , I begin my beautiful morning with opening the windows of my room and in every corner of the house for the sun to come in ..looking at the blazing sun from the window next to my bed..I close my eyes and silently say my prayers. Its noticeable how swiftly and habitually I turn on some indian raagas and vedic chants on my system .I have an enchanting collection from ''Chants of India'' by Ravi Shankar , raag jaijaiwanti indian musical flute with violin, music by Pt. Jasraj, Pt. Bhimsen Joshi and alike.

Sounds in the house gives out some unmatched vibrations which effects the mood of the listener and surrounding. Sounds can be both harmonious and auspicious as well as inauspicious.And in Indian classical music , raagas have their respectful significance to timing . Ranging from morning ragas through afternoon to evening..each type of raga if played at a suitable time of the day opens and clears blockages from the chakras in one's body thereby bringing in a sense of harmony and well being.

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If you ever happen to listen to Indian ragas and chants (try chants from India) you will experience a profound calmness and a feeling of harmony which is uncommon . I just cannot find my center if I do not begin my day with listening to 'Chants of India'.

As I sip my breakfast tea listening to the morning ragas this is my time, the time for my soul and its work. Inner work . Thoughts, memories of growing up in India, images of my parents, friends begin to stir my soul.Its such a paradox. The soul is inclined towards the past rather than future, towards attachment to people , places , events than 'Detachments'. As at a soul level it is never easy to move on even though at an outer level we may have left the places or people. In memory and in dreams the soul clings on to former attachments. Soul has its own preferences just like the '' Heart has its own reasons for which the reason knows nothing ''. Unlike the mind , my soul does not immediately take on new ideas or new ways of doing things, it prefers to nourish itself from what was present in the past or present in the now. Talking about dreams , I once heard from someone that when you recurrently dream of being in the same old relationship that you may have left through separation or divorce out of your own will , it may signify an untouched fertile segment in the whole 'good-bad' spectrum of that relationship that you perhaps failed to explore. It may also be that even though you tried to make a swift , clean break little realizing that the soul only needs more 'reflection' on the painful past of traumas. Isn't it true , the working and feelings of our soul is full of paradoxes and contradictions?

In month of June 2007 , I was very depressed and devastated about losing a job I had been contributing to 'soulfully' for 3 years. Thanks to internal 'Human Resource' restructuring efforts . It was humiliating to have lost my job for reasons outside of my control . It took me a month to find another break and after a year I saw that loss as the best thing to have happened to me in my career! Similarly When the soul constantly feels a discomfort in the present job or a relationship , years later you may realize that emotion of melancholy was actually the soul's effort urging us to move on to something more deeply satisfying .

And then there is another end to the spectrum. Growing up in my parents house where I lived with them for 29 years , deeply attached to both of them there would be moments or phases of cold detachment and resentment to why are there restrictions on me to stay out until late. 'Night stay overs' at friend's house was totally unheard of and strictly intolerable . I can still hear my own voice arguing with my mom ' I am 24 now , 25 , 26 , 27 , 28 please let me be out till 1 tonight!! In my teens, I would at times lock myself up in the room all evening imagining about the time in my life when I would get married . It was the perfect escape route to stay out till early mornings. I never thought I would take so long to actually get married! Years later now when I am married far far away from my home and my parents I don't feel liberated at all! My soul yearns to hug them one more time , feel my mom's warm skin, hear my perpetually worried father's voice reminding me to drive safe ...at the end Liberation achieved at the cost of heart's desire may prove to be a questionable satisfaction. And leaving your parents is one such thing!