An old soul with a new beginning.. Living life.. One moment into the next!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

RUN...

I reach to the bottom and stir…Feel, stop running.Hiding yourself behind feeling too much, when you have in turn deprived yourself from all else.Denying those you have found, those you have loved so passionatelyThose your fire still burns for.You will never be able to forget. And yet you close your eyes and your soul shutters.You KNOW…you know.Their memory comes in songs and no other can be felt in the wordsOn my knees, hands tied behind myself… no pleads for mercy, no attempt to escapeJust dying to be owned. Dying to feel SO much Id never run away.My wrists are sore, twisting to be freeMy knees, weak and fragile, I want to rest where I never want to leave.I want to fall and not get back upI want to desire for eternityI want to collide and Win for once.Is that so wrong... What makes me so bad?I want him to look at me and fuck the world…I want him to push me down and hold me so fucking tight I can barely breathe“I’m not going anywhere”“I will fight with you”“Fuck the world baby”“I can’t believe you found me”“I can’t believe where you take me”Without you, I have never livedBefore you there was nothingNow, there is everything and I will stop at nothing to build your castleStay here… no come with me, stand close behind and watch me do this... for YouYou are my goddessMy soulI will build this world around us, my hands will bleed and you will kiss themNo more pain, no more insanity.Your thoughts are real, you KNEW… you knew and you are free nowDon’t run from your thoughts.Don’t hide from your realityYou are the only one strong enough to hear the whispersYou are the only one not afraid of the worlds you must crash throughYou are my porcelain goddess and I will worship thee with every second I am givenI don’t fear you’re leaving, for you fought so hard to get to me…I rise to my feet and gaze at the beauty of our kingdomWhat a beautiful place he has built around usSo secure, i'm not afraid.WaitI miss the fearI miss the painI miss the aching of my heart to be consumedI miss the tears, crying out for him I miss his absenceI miss my insanity…He looks away for a secondI run for the draw bridgeI scream… I fall.He turns to see me run, starts running with such confusion in his eyes.I can hear the quivering in my breath as I know not what compels me to runI run so fast and never look back... until the screams disappearTill he can no longer find meUntil I am free once again.I throw myself down wildly to the ground, I cry so hard my heart feels like it has been shattered, the pieces tearing their way through my veins, body shaking, blood running from my knees.I’m so lonelySo aloneAnd for a moment there is no emotion left to feel. Only numbness I find all too familiarA silence I dreadA wide eyed woman in her search for loveI nurse my wounds and admire my bruisesFor a moment I am to be free, but a prisoner to oneI can never run from myself.