Wednesday, May 27, 2009

what you're wondering about?I'm wondering about heroes-who they are and what we choose to honor about them.In this month of Memorial Day when we stop to honor those who so proudly serve this country at home and abroad, those whose lives are cut short in battles, those permanently wounded in fights, forever scarred by the horrors of war, I am reminded of other victims of another kind that share similar experiences, but for whom we have no holidays during which to acknowledge and honor them.These veterans, too, fight for survival against incredible odds. Those who survive, too, bear the scars of those battles for a lifetime. As with the soldiers at war, these veterans, too, pass through stages of grief, stages of recovery and stages of adjustment to living with the outcomes of their experiences. As with the soldiers we honor each May, they will never again be whatever they were or might have been had they not endured their battles.

I speak of the victims of child abuse, the survivors of child abuse, the veterans of child abuse. I speak of those unsung heroes who even while being victimized themselves often fought fearlessly for the health and safety of those around them. Many survive physical, emotional, and psychological wounds that none who have not walked in their shoes will ever understand. And I speak of the wounded warriors who carry on forevermore, selflessly giving of whatever remains that will be of benefit to others.

As with the veterans of foreign wars, many of these veterans of home front wars suffer their visceral pains in silence, unable to speak of shameful acts committed against them, or shameful acts they committed as a result of events we can barely imagine and prefer to ignore. Help may be unavailable, or shame may prevent some from seeking it. The safety, stability and nurturance so necessary for healing may be lacking in their lives.

As a result of their painful experiences many child abuse survivors, like returning wounded warriors of foreign wars, will be at risk of perpetrating violence on others. Given a “complex interplay between individual, relationship, community, and societal factors”at least one third of them will do so without outside intervention and protection against becoming perpetrators of violence they abhor to the depths and breadth of their wounded souls.

As we recognize the changed behaviors of the veterans of foreign wars resulting from their battle injuries, and honor them by providing necessary treatment and supports, while not condoning, but holding them responsible for their action, so it is time we become aware of this other side of child abuse and honor those survivors in much the same ways.

By doing so we do two very important things. First we stop blaming the victims of child abuse for the results of the damage inflicted upon them. Second, because violence begets violence, and child abuse begets more of the same, we increase the odds of less child abuse in the future. And that, I believe, is a goal we can all agree is one worth fighting for.

So, this May, while taking time to honor those military casualties and veterans of foreign wars, let’s take a moment to remember those who died in home front wars and to honor those who survived. Let’s, too, salute and celebrate those battle-scarred veterans of all wars who continue on in their own personal battles against the ravages of violence they never asked for and certainly didn’t deserve – worthy victims, combatants, survivors, heroes, wounded warriors, conquerors and exemplars all..................................

Stop Child Abuse NOW! since 1975 to 1999 from Donora, (Pittsburgh), Pennsylvania to Portland, Oregon by a handicapped and survivor from 20 years of severe childhood abuse. Paul and his web page of his true life story and his works of saving abused children at: http://www.efn.org/~scanscan@efn.orgPaul M. McLaughlinStop Child Abuse NOW!298 Hunington Ave.Eugene, Oregon 97405

NancyI found you on the blog carnival.This post is amazing and I couldn't agree more.Thank you for all of your hard work and incredible dedication, you are an inspiration.

I know a song you would like.The lyrics are like this...

There are refugees among usthat are not from foreign shores.And the battles they are waging are from very private wars.There are no corespondents it will not be televised.But the story of their need for love is written in their eyes.

This is a call to arms to reach out and to holdthe evacuees from the dark.This is a call to arms to reach anguished souls.

If you would be interested in hearing this song let me know and I'll figure it out.Vicki

Belately, I want to thank you all for the beautiful and encouraging comments. Writing about child abuse certainly isn't as difficult as living it, but it is emotionally draining. Sometimes I think to simply stop, then comments like yours remind me that there are people who care that I continue...and so I shall. :)

I had comment moderation set so would know when people left messages, but removed it for this blog to make commenting easier...then had senior moment and forgot that! Had no idea so many of you had come and left messages. Thank you again!

Take Care...Be Aware! Watch for Amber Alerts Here.

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About Most of the Children...

The children whose pictures are on this Blog are not abused or neglected...at least not to my knowledge! Or should I say no more than what falls within a "normal" range... for in my opinion all children experience some degree of abuse and neglect...if only from their own perspectives.

These children may look "neglected" in some cases but it is a momentary thing, as happens in the lives of all healthy children. Any child who is never rumpled or dirty is more likely to be at risk from some compulsive caregiver than from some occassional bad-hair days!

The children may look so very sad, confused, or whatever that "symptoms of abuse," come quickly to mind. But, children's routine lives are complex, often involving challenges that few of us would want to experience. We carelessly use words such as "resilient" to describe their extraordinary ability to deal with tragedies...great and small...as though it is somehow easier for them to bounce back quickly and easily from whatever comes along to stretch, bend or compress them out of shape.

Their ordinary emotional lives seem subject to higher peaks and lower valleys than some want to believe should or could be part of children's experiences. But whether we choose to believe or not, children- all children- inhabit a world filled with lonliness, pain and terror as well as beauty, joy and exhileration.

I salute and honor them, warriors and heroes all!

Sometimes I just wander...

ChildPerson From The South- The Story Behind the Name

Because you asked...

The name ChildPerson From the South was given to me by two very dear and special friends while I was living on Okinawa. Sensei, my teacher of Japanese, and our friend, Mr. Iso, followed my Chinese Brush Painting lesson progess with animated enthusiasm, always looking at each of my practice papers with delight and encouragement.

However, they also pressured me- sometimes gently- to change directions and study Sumi'e, the Japanes form of ink painting instead. I liked both styles of mediation in ink, but my heart was into the Chinese-Southern Style painting.

I studied and practiced with great love and uncharacteristic discipline, which impressed my CB teacher, a young woman from Mainland China who spoke little English, and had begun the class by showing us the proper way to hold the brush, and had the translator then say to our class, "but you are Americans so she knows you will not have the patience or discipline to learn to do this."

It is not exaggeration to say that I lived with the brush in my hand every waking hour. I practiced the brush strokes every possible moment, then copied, as is the Oriental way of learning, the Teacher's samples until sometimes she said she could not tell which was hers.

One evening during Japanese language class Sensei asked me to stay after class. What a surprise! ...with much ceremony he and Mr. Iso presented me with my own "name" and stone stamp for use on my Chinese Brusth paintings.

They had spent great time in deciding what the name should be, based on the the phonetic of Nancy, and their feelings about me. Meanwhile they ordered a bloodstone, from China, not knowing that is considered an alternative birthstone for me. They decided on Child Person From the South, because they explained I was so like a child in spirit, from the South from whence comes all good things- a great compliment to me from them to say the leasts. They selected an ancient Chinese script; then Mr. Iso carved the characters into the stone. His wife made a beautiful leather case, embossed with butterflies, for it.

We spend the evening drinking tea, lauging and "chopping" all the practice pieces I'd brought to share with them. And after giving me that priceless gift, they never again suggested-gently or otherwise : )- that I study the Japanese Sumi'e instead of the Chines Brush Painting.

And so...I remain in honor of them and myself and all Child Persons from the South and other wise...ChildPerson.

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