What I REFUSE to Do In 2018

Instead of making new year’s reso-lies this year, I chose to make a list of things I refuse to do. And honestly, these are things I refuse to do another day.

I refuse to let people use me another day.

As women, we try to be everything for everyone; especially for people that we care about. But this makes us prone to “users”, you know, those people that just suck the life from you? They can come in form of friends, co-workers even family members can fall prey to user syndrome. However, people only take from you what you allow them to! And, I pray that truth sets you free. I’m not saying cut-off everyone, but I am saying find that healthy in-between, create boundaries and stick to them, don’t give in just because you love that person. You have to do what’s best for you, your time is sacred and so is your sanity.

I refuse to believe I don’t deserve happiness.

Coming from the background and community I hail from, much of it says I should be struggling or in debt, at a dead-end job, have broken/ unhealthy relationships with loved ones, and never make it out of the slums of my mind set. But the devil is a Lair, come on somebody! Seriously, just because everyone around me and before me has failed or “just gotten by” doesn’t mean that has to be my future. The beauty about life is I can create and be WHATEVER I chose to. And, more importantly, the God of the universe wants me to be happy. He wants what’s best for me. I had to come to this realization stubbornly. Life doesn’t have to be hard (all the time). You know those people always going through something? Yeah, that doesn’t have to be me… or you! You deserve happiness.

I refuse to claim poverty.

Much like the happiness piece, I do not have to be in poverty just because my loved ones or my culture succumbs to it. Honestly, much of that poverty is really in our mind set. If we can’t see ourselves successful how will we reach it?

I refuse to be unhappy in a workplace.

Man, this is a big one. The bottom line is if you are unhappy at your current job then get a new one! I know this is easier said than done. Some of us may have families that we have to provide for, loved ones to care for and bills stacked higher than the Eiffel Tower. But if you are unhappy at your workplace for whatever reason at all: income scale, co-workers, supervisors, too early, too late, too boring, etc you owe it to yourself and your family to enjoy where you spend most of your day. Now, there may be certain times where God has us somewhere to humble us or teach us lessons so if that’s you, by all means, stay there. But if you have the ability to change positions, companies, or a brand new workplace altogether then do it.

5. I refuse to overeat in hopes of being satisfied.

Ladies, I have been trying to lose weight since 2012. And I emphasize trying. It has been on my new year’s resolutions list since then. Around February or March I tend to fall off, you know how it goes. But I realize now that this isn’t going to happen by me working out sporadically or eating healthy haphazardly. This is a stronghold attached to my immediate family and it will only break by much prayer and hard work. I have to start staying faithful to what I profess out of my mouth. But the professing of the mouth is the hard part for me. Whatever I speak I begin to believe and my actions follow suit. Now, this isn’t some “I want to win the lottery” type schemes, a million dollars isn’t going to magically fall into my lap. However if I attach my will to God’s will He has no choice but to hear my cry and honor it.

I refuse to allow people to talk down to me and accept it as truth.

This is huge for any one who has or is dealt/dealing with low self-esteem. I have dealt with it in my younger years. Some of it came from what people said to me, that I talked about in a blog post called “To The Guy Who Called Me A Hippo In Ninth Grade”. But most of it came from what wasn’t said to me. I had no ammunition to kill the fallacies that stole my positive mindset, mocked my beliefs and shackled my happiness which resulted in a poor self image. As a young woman, I sometimes accept ‘no’ for an answer because I’m used to people uttering the word to me. I was never one to push back. But, this is a new day and I refuse to let people speak to me as if they don’t know who I am or who’s I am. And I’m learning to grace those people, after all, I can’t control the buffoonery that comes out of peoples’ mouths, but I don’t have to pick it up and take it home. I can leave it all right there.

Meet The Writer

Hi, I’m Shanisha – a writer who’s passionate about promoting honesty among women of color. I am a high school English teacher and current MFA candidate in creative writing. I love my family, Starbucks and Jesus.