How I First Noticed My Son’s Autism — and What Other Parents Should Look For

As new parents, we eagerly track our baby’s milestones and find pleasure in every smile, giggle, yawn, and crawl. And while all babies tend to develop at slightly different paces, there are certain behaviors in infants or toddlers that can be early signs of autism. What are they, and what should you look for?

Here’s the voyage of discovery I went through with my own son.

Health and wellness touch each of us differently. This is one person’s story.

My son’s baby and toddler years were rough. He cried often and demanded attention. When he was still an infant, he would lie on his back, transfixed by the ceiling fan. Sometimes he would scream for no particular reason; it seemed as though just to hear something.

When my son was mobile, he literally never stopped. He crashed into things, grabbed everything, and often threw toys. He often bit and pinched when playing with other children.

When we went to the grocery store, it felt like a ticking time bomb —usually about 20 minutes — until he had a total meltdown and I had to escape with what groceries I was able to snag.

The screaming continued into his toddler years. The erratic motion continued. He continued to handle objects and toys roughly and not in the way they were “meant” to be handled. He lined up his cars in perfect rows. He had meltdowns at every transition and generally could not handle change.

I will never forget the day I truly saw it. My son was 2 1/2. It was fall, and my son, his father, my sister, and I went to a local farm that was hosting a pumpkin patch. He was immediately overstimulated with everything going on.

It seems painfully obvious when I write this all out that something was up, but it wasn’t as clear in my day to day. For one, I had virtually no experience with other children.

Secondly, there were plenty of moments when my son exhibited very non-spectrum behaviors. He would make eye contact, he would snuggle, he would laugh at my silly faces or when I bounced him up and down.

And of course, these “typical” behaviors made it easier to rationalize the other ones away. Just because your child likes order doesn’t mean he or she is on the spectrum. But all the signs taken together began to add up.

I will never forget the day I truly saw it. My son was 2 1/2. It was fall, and my son, his father, my sister, and I went to a local farm that was hosting a pumpkin patch. There were animals, rows and rows of pumpkins, a corn maze, and trains — my son’s absolute favorite thing.

He was immediately overstimulated with everything going on. I prodded him to pet the animals — he refused. I encouraged him to pick a pumpkin — he resisted. And finally, I was practically begging him to ride the train.

I was so attached to having a “normal, good time” that I was missing all of his communication with me. He was utterly overwhelmed by the throngs of people, the noisy band, the chugging and somewhat intimidating large metal train. He finally had a meltdown right there on top of a bale of hay.

After he calmed down, he simply sat and watched the train go around and around and around. I don’t know how many times. He refused to do anything else.

My sister, who had worked with children with autism quite a bit as an ABA therapist, pointed out what we all knew: My son was on the spectrum.

I felt a surge of anxiety at acknowledging this fact. My sister assured me that we could get support, and the earlier the better. That’s when we truly started our journey toward diagnosis, though he wouldn’t officially receive one until he was 5.

The thing is, depending on where you live, there are typically more free resources available for younger children than older, and early intervention is key. Not to change them — but to support them, and you.

In retrospect, I’d encourage anyone who thinks that their child may be on the spectrum to seek help immediately, not because there is something to “fix” but because learning how to best relate to a child on the spectrum can enrich a relationship that is undoubtedly challenging at times.

I’m still learning how to love and live with my son the best possible way I can, but starting the journey earlier would have set me up with many more tools and given us more time in those precious early years.

That said, I still believe we are making progress every day, and my goal is to help my little guy find his place in the world. I know that, with the right support, he can thrive and share the amazing, sweet, sensitive, quirky, and brilliant child he is.

Crystal Hoshaw is a longtime yoga practitioner and complementary medicine enthusiast. She has studied Ayurveda, Eastern philosophy, and meditation for much of her life. Crystal believes that health comes from listening to the body and gently and compassionately bringing it into a state of balance. You can learn more about her at her blog, Less Than Perfect Parenting.