Two and a Half Men and a Moron

CBS has found a replacement for Charlie Sheen of Two and a Half Men. Ashton Kutcher. Oh God. Currently, no one knows much beyond the fact that Kutcher has signed on. CBS won’t reveal how Sheen will be worked out, how Ashton will be worked in or even what role he’s scripted for.

Kutcher comes in from a long history of playing dopey, somewhat witless characters, most famously Michael Kelso of That 70’s Show, Jesse Montgomery III from Dude, Where’s My Car?, and, more recently, What Happens in Vegas’ Jack Fuller. A stoner, a stoner and a lazy doofus. I guess he didn’t stereotype his roles too much. I do give him credit, though. He seems pretty clever off screen. Earlier, he hinted at the role, tweeting “What’s the square root of 6.25?” The answer? Two and a half.

As a fan of Sheen’s acting, I expected a majority to agree with me that this was a bad move. Apparently, I was wrong.

According to junior Sianna Emrich, “Charlie Sheen will not be missed.”

And popular Psychology teacher Maria Vita says that she pities Kutcher for ending up on the show, “I hate it [Two and a Half Men]. I’m sorry for Ashton for getting into it.”

Well, anyway, it’s official. Kutcher’s in, Sheen is out, and no one seems to mind.