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8.12.2011

Truth is, I don't really give a shit enough to try and maintain every friendship. As bad as that may sound, it doesn't mean I don't care about the people I've established those friendships with and it doesn't mean I forget you because we haven't talked. I grew up moving around a ridiculous amount of times, so every time I formed a really close friendship with someone in my new location, I'd move away from them in a matter of a very short time. So yeah, I am a bit fickle because life has made me this way.

I can literally say that every time I've moved, I made a new best friend. Sure, making friends back then was much easier than it is now as an adult, but I still think that I'm pretty capable of making new friends easily. I've always been sort of an outgoing, people person but back then I was also a people pleaser. And Lord knows, people pleasers make a lot of friends. But how many of those friends are actually worth keeping? That's not to say that I ever thought any less of the friends I've made in the past. I still wonder what goes on with my old friends in Virginia. And I still wonder what is going on in the lives of my friends that I don't talk to anymore.

I know that I'm not the greatest friend to others in recent times, but I don't really think about it. What I mean is, I don't THINK about being a great friend to someone. I consider friends to be people I have connected with on a deeper level than just someone I acknowledge. Friends go to movies together. Friends eat dinner together. Friends talk on the phone together. Friends hang out together. Friends are there for each other. But sometimes, friends aren't always there. Friends might drift away. Friends might not hang out as much anymore. Does that mean we aren't friends anymore?

The way I see it, people in my life are free to do whatever they want. Just because someone is not so active in your life anymore, does it mean you have to cut them off for good? And really, who determines that? Because I sure as hell don't. I have never deliberately tried to cut off ties with anyone, unless they annoyed me to the point where I just wanted to ignore them. And that's probably the one mean thing about me that I'll admit. But most choose to leave and that's understandable. Friendship is really important to them and therefore, me not communicating with them as much will drive them away. But in my head, I'm just thinking, "We didn't talk. So what? Let's go grab dinner and a movie." Don't care how long it's been as long as the person is relatively the same person I befriended over time.

One thing that really annoys me is when people accuse me of ignoring them because I'm in a relationship. First of all, I'm someone who gets put into life's shitastic situations pretty often. Most of the time, I've either explained to people already and they choose to not put that into consideration, or they don't ask and therefore, I don't tell. One thing I really hate is telling people about my issues. I'm not someone who likes pity. Anyway, that really annoys me. At least talk to me first before assuming shit. But in any case, I'm someone who is again, very lenient about friendship. I think you shouldn't give someone shit for being in love. How selfish can you be?? So what your friend is choosing their new lover over them for a couple of days. Either they will end up getting bitten in the ass and come running back to you for your friendship or they are happy. I've had it happened to me before. At first I wanted to be angry but then I thought, hell, they're happy. So why hate on that? In any case, my friendship mentality crosses over to my relationship mentality too so don't think it's special treatment because I'm in a romantic relationship with someone. My boyfriend and I are big fans of "PERSONAL SPACE" and when we're away from each other, we don't call all the time or always check up on each other. We do our own thing. We might even go a day without texting or even acknowledging each other but so what? I'm not going to die if I don't hang out with him or talk to him for a day. He's my friend too. No special treatments. I love my boyfriend? Well, I love my friends too. But damn, sometimes I just don't want to hang out with you! No hard feelings. I just have other things to do. It's really not that hard to understand......

Bottom line is, there are 6.5billion people in this world. I'm not saying that close friends are replaceable, because I've established a special bond with certain people, but that doesn't mean there won't be other important people in my life. Let's be reasonable here. Instead of trying to please everyone like I did back then, I really try to just go with the flow when it comes to life and the people in it now. But let's face it, the older you get, the more you know what type of people you want in your life more often. And I'm really not trying to ignore anyone or break off friendships. Sometimes, I just know what I want at the moment and what I don't.

In other words, I'm not everyone's cup of 'friend' tea. If you don't like it, don't keep drinking it. The choice is yours really.

2 comments:

Hmm you know what's odd? For the past couple years, all the people I've gotten close to ended up moving away from meeeee :PAnyway, I love your philosophy on people being free to do whatever they want--most people I know don't think that way. I know way too many clingy/controlling people and it irks me how they can't see how they're gonna get burned in the end.

Yeah I REALLY dislike clingy people. I mean, my friends can be clingy too sometimes but I want them to understand that I'll be there for them but I don't need to be their significant other. Sometimes i just want my solitude, but it doesnt mean i dont want to hang out. ya know? its those kinds of things that are hard to relay sometimes. I think some people think the definition of a friend is someone who will always want to hang out with you but thats such a shallow way to look at it.