deanying.com

Here's my one shot to prove my manliness: As a bachelor, I never owned any mirrors; just had access to 2 mirrors. Can you guess the two? Correct! In whatever apartment I was renting at the time, it would be (1) The bathroom mirror and (2) the medicine cabinet mirror next to it!

.... On to the castration!

So, when I needed a mirror to bring to work to inspect my bloody nose to make sure there were no trails of blood running down my cheeks, guess who I went to for a portable mirror? Yup! "Yinnggg... do you have a mirror I can bring to work?"

I was sure she'd have some generic-drug-store flavored mirror for me to bring to the office. Something I could just keep at work forever and maybe bring back home with me if "they" one day decide to send me packing with a cardboard box of my belongings.

... But noooOOoo I couldn't be that painless.

This is what Ying gave me to bring to work:

*sigh* ..... it's .... hello .... kitty ...

Opened up, there's even a comb for me to comb my hair!!!!!! *squeals delightfuly*

So there you have it folks -- I am a proud Hello-Kitty-Mirror-Compact-With-Built-In-Comb-Carrying citizen. I know all you girls are jealous! Even some of you guys. I bet Ariel is green with envy too. (obscure alusion to The Little Mermaid combing her hair with a fork)

Considering the other alternatives Ying offered me, I think Hello Kitty was a good choice.Presenting an assortment of Chanel, Bobbi Brown, Shiseido, Dior and MAC(Even knowing these labels puts me dangerously close to the castration chopping block)

Sarcasm aside, I did crack a grin today as I casually put Hello Kitty back in my drawer and quietly slid the drawer closed.

It would have been done in the morning, but the doc had a surgery and rescheduled me to the afternoon.

Ying was there for the "event" ...

Her reaction was "EWWWWWW!"

The doc literally extracted a 3-inch-long, 1cm round rectangular foam tube from each of my nostrils. It felt like he was pulling something out of my brain. I wouldn't say that pulling it out hurt; but it was definitely a strange feeling I've never felt before.

The instant he pulled out the packings I could breathe through both nostrils. The difference was night and day!! I can breathe!!!

I still have a week to go I think before total healing... My left nostril that got the most work is still very very tender, sore and bleeding a little bit. And I have a LOT of leftover snot that I can't blow out for risk of opening the surgery wounds. So I've resigned to snorting and hocking a lot. Doc prescribed an off-the-shelf saline nasal spray (brand: Ocean) to use 4 times a day to help recovery.

Nose is normal sized now too! Too late to take pics, but I'll update Tuesday afternoon.

DO NOT LAUGH at any time when packings are in nose. Pain, nasal stretching, almost choking on sushi will ensue.

The Situation

Ying brought back some sushi today. Not real sushi for me; I just ate the tofu pouches and the california rolls. Ok, I cheated and ate a piece of yellowtail too. It's just that the thought of raw fish festering somewhere in my nasal cavity was a turn off so I held back.

Midway through the meal..

Ying: "Aw, I forgot to return this Wii game to Blockbuster. Hey do you want to go with me?"

Me: "No way, I don't want to go with out outside like this." (Earlier, I already asked Ying to go down and check the mail for me so I didn't have to go outside my Phantom of the Opera mask)

Ying: "So? Who cares?"

Me: "Hey I could wear sunglasses! That'll disguise me!"

And for whatever reason, the mental image of me in my gauze and a pair of shades set off a chain reaction of laughter, stretching nostrils and near-choking on rice and wasabi. Not fun.

Me: <Laughing><grimacing>"ow, stop don't make me laugh"<laughing><holding hands to face to offset stretching of already-stretched nose>"ow, it hurts. Sschttoppp"<tears running down cheeks, soaked up by gauze>

Aw the hell with this, i'm going to Blockbuster. At least I can say, "yeah I went to Blockbuster in gauze this one time."

Today, Sunday, I've been up and about, watching some TV, reading a book (Day Watch, 2nd in a series, translated from Russian author Sergei Lukyanenko).

Today I also took my first shower since Wednesday night. It really is a milestone on the road to recovery when you're standing in the shower rubbing the surgical tape residue off your hand from where the IV was taped.

My left front tooth is still kind of numb! And I found a vertical crack in the enamel running all the way up the middle of the tooth :( That's bad news... maybe the trauma was too great to my tooth when they put the breathing tube down my throat. The first thing I did was get online and read everything I could about cracked teeth. Seems like I could be ok, as it looks very similar to a "craze line" -- a technical term that means hairline crack. I think the numbness is the different pressure being put on my gums behind my teeth. I'm guessing my gums will adjust and the numbness will go away. But having odd pressure worries me since my teeth are already crooked enough! More odd pressure is sure to make them even more British comedy worthy. (think Austin Powers)

Looks like I won't be making it back to work on Monday after all. My appointment to remove the packings got moved to the afternoon because the doctor has a surgery in the morning. BELIEVE me, I'd rather be at work, slouching in a computer chair and programming than have this packing jammed in my nose for another day.

Ying's taking really good care of me! She's made me the most DEEELICIOUS get-well food. Chicken soup made from a whole chicken (organic, from Mitsuwa). And a beef soup made from scratch as well. Then she took some of the soup stock and made rice porridge. And a secret to make the rice porridge taste REALLY good, she put in a raw egg yolk and let the heat from the porridge cook the yolk. You folks are missing out. (the food, not the surgery)

O ... M ... G... I thought it was going to be a walk in the park, a piece of cake, no sweat.

Boy was I wrong!

Background

I have a deviated septum. What does that mean? It means the cartilage in my nose is crooked -- Enough the point where it blocks my left nostril from breathing. Also, the tissue inside both my nostrils is always swollen. The combination of those two pretty much makes me breathe through my mouth 90% of the time. On really good, allergy-free days, I could breath out of my right nostril and a little bit of my left nostril. I saw an Ear Nose Throat doctor last month and he recommended nasal septoplasty (fixing the cartilage) and interior turbinate reduction (cutting away some of the overgrown tissue inside my nose). I had done some reading online a while back and read really positive stories about it.

The day of the surgery

Here's a play-by-play version I wrote in an email to a friend:

I just woke up. Been sleeping most of today.

Yesterday I arrived at 1pm, got wheeled in on a bed at 3pm, feeling pretty nice. Everyone was super nice!

Got past the IV-in-my-hand jitters sometime around 330. Woke up at (I think) 530... That's when things got bad!! I had severe nausea, the room was spinning. Nothing like the anesthesia experience I had when I got my wisdom teeth taken out in '99!!

Ying dropped me off at 1, but had come back at 5 to pick me up. I slept/threw up for a few hours after the surgery. They suggested I stay the night, but I didn't want to sleep there. At 9pm I said I was well enough to go home so they got me a wheelchair and someone to push me to the car... then I threw up in the elevator (I rule!). Good thing I had made friends with the half-circle throw up tub and it was readily by my side. Now I know why they don't want you to eat before the surgery! Threw up in the car once. Got home threw up again! Man I was weak. All this time it's near midnight (Ying stopped by CVS to pick up my antibiotics and pain killers). I realized my last meal was 8pm the previous night; I hadn't eaten in nearly 28 hours.

<..some parts snipped...>

Anyway I'm better now! My nose is hideous -- they have it PACKED with gauze, then I have this big gauze square rolled up into 3rds taped across my [face] to catch any leakage. I can't breathe out of my nose of course. It makes swallowing hard. Lips are way dry and should start cracking soon... I can't feel my left front tooth (all I want for xmas is..?) Nurse says to ask my doctor about that, she thinks it was because of the breathing pipe they had to stick down my throat in the OR and that feeling should come back eventually.

Ok this is turning into a blog post. Maybe I should put this online! I took some pictures of me in a OR gown (if only I had known what was in store for me that night!) I think Ying stealthily took some pictures of me after the surgery too (heh heh heh, she said I looked soooooo bad) I knew she was taking pictures of me. She said she felt bad taking pics but knew I'd wanna see. And I'm glad she did! It'll be cellphone pics, but I'll doctor them up (no pun intended) with photoshop.

I'm in high spirits now though! Ying made awesome chicken soup with an entire whole chicken! And there's a beef soup waiting for me right now too. Oh and I had the most delicious bowl of cheerios this morning too. I let them get soggy so I wouldn't have to chew too much, which on any other day would have made them into a bad bowl of cheerios... But not today!

So there you have it!

Here's me around 1pm in good spirits!

My feet in booties!! hahahah so cool.

No pants!! No boxers! ho ho ho!

AFTER the surgery... I'm totally PWND. The anesthesia really got to me. The pink thing near my right hand was my new best buddy -- the puke pan.

Close up of me in my anesthesia-induced stupor:

WARNING ... For those of you that don't like to see blood, you can stop reading here..

... really, if you dont want to see blood then go somewhere else...

..

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. Last Chance!....

So you saw me with the gauze after the surgery... this is what the gauze looked like the morning after... you can see my nostril markings!: