I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog.
If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Non-date with Tarek

Do you remember the Algerian guy I met on the plane when I last flew to Algeria? Let’s just call him Tarek for the sake of anonymity.

After several exasperatingly pointless texts, to which I was always compelled to respond by sheer civility than anything else, Tarek works up the courage to actually set a date, I just go long with it, I always send a half heartedly “sure” or “why not”.
His last text read “how about a drink early evening on Sunday” I thought this was an easy option which should he cancel on me last minute I wouldn’t care as much as if it was a Saturday night date cancellation. So I agree with a derisory “OK” but true to form the date never happened.

Date scheduled loosely for early evening Sunday, no time, no place mentioned. He texts me on Saturday wishing me a great weekend! Read between the lines..I shan't be seeing you!

Why did he feel the need to text me in the first place, I could tell it was forced, he had obviously changed his mind about me when he came over to meet me (casually with friends), he was drunk and spraying me with every word, I too ordered a beverage mostly because I enjoy it but also because manifestly I wanted to sabotage the “date” because as you know, I am a women and drinking shows the low values and loose morals I hold and a clear sign that I am not bent familia(1) whereas he is a man and drinking couldn't possibly affect his already low morals as he remains indisputably above me.

Needless to say he never asked me out again, which is a shame as a date with him would have given me plenty of material for the blog.

The saga continues however as I received another text over the weekend, asking if I had forgotten about him, baffling stuff really, I responded “Hi Tarek, yes I am fine thx, hope you’re good” he responded “wow, an answer! I am so happy you’re doing well darling, lets talk soon”

Seriousely? Seriousely? Talk soon? Darling? Why bother?

What I deduct from this behaviour is that this guy is not interested and is clearly trying to keep me on the back burner, however, I am not interested either to be on his front or back burner, and have made it quite clear but he insists on keeping in touch through pathetic efforts and awkward, spelling mistake-riddled texts,

It is usually the case for a lot of men, either afraid to let the women down harshly so they attempt it gently but never quite get the hang of it, if you’re not into me, you’re not into me, I can live with it, just don’t waste my time with theses mixed messages and when you grow a pair and realise what you want, call me instead of assaulting me with your badly grammared texts.

Stay tuned for more non-dates stories…even though I am never dating again.

---------------------

(1) Literally means "dautghter of a good family" which embodies the girl with high morals, good family values and God knows what other attributes she has and I hasn't.

I laughed too but give the fellow a chance probably even if he has a badly grammared texts, he may be nice and friendly, remember lady don't judge a Book by its cover or should I say "On ne peut pas avoir le beurre et l'argent du beurre", keep us smiling...

@ Mina: j y compte bien oui@ Naima: u don't think I gave him a chance? Did u read the blog properly? He was the one who judged me and didn't give me a chance! I was willing to see beyond the spelling mistakes as I did meet with him but he was the one who was like "let's meet this weekend" and then disapears! Whose side are you on anyway :)

Hi, I really like your blog, funny sorties :)keep writing you'r bringing more smile to our days :)Par contre je ne suis pas d'accord quand tu dis, bent familia et he remains above you ? I am a guy and I don't think we see ourselves above you women ... and you know what you'r right "Tarik" is just playing around nothing more, if he's really interested you would notice it.

@ Allison: you know how it is, the grass is always greener on the other side.

@Kada - merci, mais I am talking in a general manner, you cannot deny that MOST Algerians would perceive a fellow Algerian girl who drinks as loose and not bent familia. There are exceptions of course.

I am %200 on your side and read your blog properly, hence let me be more opinionated about the whole thing, well look at the bright side of this and have a “glass is half full” water attitude towards my fellow Algerians men.

When this Tarek noted “how about a drink early evening on Sunday” he meant “lets meet up to drink soft drink/still water”, plus he texted you which means he spent a 20p each time he sent you text which is quite a lot for an Algerian man living here in London!

I remember while ago I mentioned that decent, loyal and nice Algerian men exist but they are very very very few, and the major problem is some of them are hard work and hard to understand, so much “don’t” in their life style which is hard to tolerate, but remember DZ-Chick that we are Algerian and we do have roots and no matter where Algerian men live/settle , they will always be Algerian men with Algerian mentality and would never tolerate you drinking alcohol even after living in London for 100 years !!!

I understand that you’ve “ordered an alcoholic beverage because you enjoy it first and second because manifestly you wanted to sabotage the “date” because you are a women and drinking shows the low values and loose morals” , why would you do that? Why go to the “shock tactics” on your first date? Why the need to sabotage your date? If you feel drinking alcohol, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, or make the point by sabotaging your date.

Let me tell you DZ-Chick, the moment this Tarek saw that you were travelling by yourself and agreed to exchange phone numbers, he already made an opinion about you ,let alone you going for a “drink with him” !, I understand that your Algerian criteria are yours and yours alone, but lady, your criteria are well above standard and you are expecting an Algerian man to introduce an Algerian woman who drinks/travel by herself/ lives in London by herself to his mates and family, you must be dreaming, hence why I noted “On ne peut pas avoir le beurre et l'argent du beurre", let me tell you DZ-Chick, if this Tarek wanted really to get to know you , he would have called at least once a night to talk to you but I will say it again don't judge a book by its cover, probably for him this is the way to go forward, texting you first (means he is on his guards) and then if things go well and you are worth his trust and phone calls (which means he would pay more than the 20p texting charges) , he is clearly taking his time, so take yours too.

And finally, the Algerian culture is still behind lots of things and we Algerian we pay to much attention to what other people do, so if you lower your criteria you will meet lots of men like “Tarek”, if you keep your Algerian criteria, you have a long way to go!

I beg to differ, usually thanks is Thx and not Tx :)Anywho, there are HTML codes/tags you can memorise, the system wont allow me to post some tags to show you so here: http://www.htmlcodetutorial.com/Just google it, I am no expert in this.

@Kada I will answer only the last part of the question and leave the first part to someone else; That's a very good point, listening to both versions of the story, however, I haven't met him for that long for him to make any kind of judgment on me, apart from the alcoholic beverage and the fact that he doesn’t actually know what he wants, because his texts are completely pointless, I am ok with being just mates, but he couldn’t even do that, his texts are friendly with a hint or romance! Can't be dealing with this, especially when I am NOT interested in him AT ALL. So I don’t wish to analyse his behaviour anymore, because I am not into him.

you're not gonna like this but ... you sound like a female version of Tarek lol. you need to free yourself of those self-imposed shackles regarding: 'oh am a woman, my culture obbresses me, am not expected to do this that and the other so i will find some bleasure in doing those things and also maybe piss some people off along the way'.free your mind and live for yourself since your actions are accountable to no man anyway.i know am being a bit harsh, but someone had to tell you babeS :P and am with you ~105.7% . bsahtek chrikti ;) .

@ Mahmood:I wrote a comment but it disappeared...I was saying that for you to say that I am the female version of Tarek is misjudged, My mind is free, I am a rebel and like to shock I gave you that, but only because I do believe I can make a change, small as it might be, it is a change, create a ripple effect or what some people like to call “butterfly effect”.

I always keep an open mind about things, I don’t judge on looks, finances or social status, clearly, otherwise we would not be here discussing this, as Tarek is not someone I would have gone for, but nonetheless I gave him a chance and MY number. I tired, I met with him but I am not going to pretend to be this pious little girl who doesn’t know what to do with a tampon to get a descent man.

Thanks for being behind me, but what happened to other 94.3%? and furthermore who the hell has been teaching you “chrikti” that is the worst word you can learn, I HATE it. And also don’t think I didn’t see your “bleasure” ya mahmood ;)

to be honest, i cannot comprehend why you even bothered to proceed with meeting him e.t.c. he clearly wasn't your type, whatever the hell that may or not mean.

you sort of judged him (kinda like he did with you probably), you seemed to be doing it for the so-called fun factor (probably like he did/is doing with you) but in the end you just got upset (clearly you have been/were) ... but here's the catch he probably isn't giving it as much thought as you are.when you live by the sword, you die by the sword. you try to shock? are you a teenager?

Tonton dw: You don’t know me, the fact that I wrote about this is for analysis and for fun (fun for the blog) a bit like when I met with him (only ONCE and it wasn’t a date) I cannot go into too many details, so I will leave it at this: He isn’t my type and I had no desire to see him or meet with him, again for research purposes.

more seriously though, i was just saying, not judging. you can't label me as judgemental just because you don't agree with me. obviously, am just stating things as i see them and am by no means perfect or right.

Tonton dw: I realise people don’t know me personally and don’t know what's going on in my head, and so they would only react to what I put in writing here, but it is frustrating when people make comments/questions about things I took the time to clarify within the blog itself, I don’t mind the criticism when its constructive or even funny…However, I am having a very busy Friday and people keep coming over to my desk to distract me…MOST ANNYOYING, So I apologise (to everybody) for being short fused

I love this post and the comments. Everybody is giving an opinion or an advice... sounds like "Le courrier du coeur" in a women's magazine.

So I am burning to participate dz-chick and give you my advice as an average laddish, sexually obssessed algerian male that nonetheless is trying to treat himself.

I feel from what I read from you that you have written "where is my man?" on your brow and have switched to "hunting mode". First, this is not good for Tarek's ego. It will artificially inflate. Moreover, you take from him his hunting instinct and make him feel he is the prey. Then you drink alcohol in front of him ... ah ma fille! Last thing to do... You have terrorized him. I have compassion for this guy.

In my opinion, forget about Tarek he is now in his room trying to configure properly a spelling checker on his mobile, in fear and trembling.

You should first erase "I'm in hunting mode" from your brow. Be a fragile woman that despite her emancipated (and alcohol free) life needs the love and the arms of a gentle man. Many men (macho and sexually obsessed algerian included) have a deep protecting instinct. Try to wake it up. But even nenna (my grand-mother) will tell you that a man needs to see that your confidence in him is very hard to obtain and very easy to loose.

Aie AIe AIe ya les Algeriens! Washbikoum m3a les jugements?I live in the US, The Algerians are all the same, there are the ones that are great wonderful, open minded, and ofcorse the ones that are the opposit, Good and bad everywhere. But we all know that the Algerian woman, is looking for love, and could take a man, that would just love her, respects her, for just who she is, and gives her a simply wonderful life. That is not easily available, we all know that the Algerian men "most of them" are juging, and look for the "bent familiya" "the good girl" that should not have a mouth, an opinion, that is submissive, good cook and a great houswife, and with a bonus if she could have a great money making job( a maybe).The girl that lives abroad, is good for the paper work( a maybe too) other wise, the girl that lives in Europe, or the states, is in general not a good girl as she "learned " all the "bad" from the europeen girl, defends her self, like "too much freedom" has a big mouth" kbiha" ( to tuough)or wa3ra how we say in our language. to emancipated and wouldn't put up with his control.In general the men live their life they have all the fun, but when they are ready to get married in their late 30ties early 40ties, they go back home to look for the girl that's between 18 to 25, to abuse and control, not in all cases true, but most of them. they look for the housewife, made, baby maker, cook, a show off to their piers. they don't look for a companion, a partner for life or the best friend. these guys could be very educated, but bring girls that barely finished middle school, because the educated girls are to open minded for them.Sorry but that is the truth, I see it every day, every week, month, I see a new very young woman, married to a much older guy, who could have married a girl closer to his age, and from the same level of education.Ok he ofcourse wants to have babies, but women his age still could make babies but.. go figure why is this trend like this?I this it's sad to see a couple with a very young wife, a much older husband with 2 or 3 very young children, where he looks like their grand pa!How would you explain that?And please we all know this is true.Best regards.

Plant a tree on your garden and feel comfortable in its presence. Feel the different bark textures with the palms of your hands. Smell the scent of wood. Absorb its life's energies as you look upwards to the sprawling branches overhead.

Encircle it with your arms while gently pressing your cheek to the trunk being careful not to scratch your face. Squeeze tightly. Sigh deeply. Be one with your tree.

Secondly, learn to stroke a pussy.

Get yourself a pussy cat specially a ginger one. Stroking a cat, and listening to the sound of its contented purring, reduces tension and lowers your blood pressure.

Thirdly. get yourself a dog.

A dog is allegedly woman's best friend. Dogs make terrific companions. They seem to sense when a master is feeling low, and they will eagerly stick a cold nose into your hand or lick your face. Dogs lie faithfully at your feet and rarely talk back, except when trained to do so. A canine pal will go anywhere that you do without complaining. He will still love you when you forget to fill the feed bowl, fail to pat his head, or fume over a doggy mess. Few friends are as loyal and dedicated as woman's best friend.

Fourthly, have a trip to Ann Summers shop and treat yourself to some lovely toys. They will do you wonders. However, they are two school of thoughts regarding the advantages and disadvantages of them:

Advantages:

1- A toy doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop "vibrating."

2- Batteries are cheaper.

3- You can stuff them back in the drawer and not hear from them until you're ready.

4-It's happy to keep going until you're satisfied.

5- You can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever you want without being called a names.

6- Position is your choice, not his.

7- Always is hard.

8- It doesn't leave a mess behind.

9- It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs.

10- It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.

11- You don't have to clean up the house before bringing it home.

12- They don't get tired after the first time.

13- They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in the mood.

14-Toys are portable so you can do it anytime, anywhere you want!!!

15- They don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.

16-You don't have to dress up for your vibrator.

17-You can show it off to your friends.

18- They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another one

19-It doesn't require "a little lip action" bach yaftan.

20-They never come before you do.

21- Loyal, does not cheat.

22-Does not ogle other women.

23-Does not get jealous, even of the supersonic nodule vibe.

24-Is not affected by alcohol no BD, in fact the effect can be improved with a few tipples.

As you can see the advantages outweigh the disadvantages....go for it girl.

Fifthly, join a BDSM Club and get yourself a sissy man or a submissive one.

1- BDSM gives you a better sense of perspective – about power, about sensation, about the limits of the body. You learn the difference between power and force.

2- BDSM allows you to access the dark side of your personalities, validates that the more aggressive, confrontational, unsocialised, kinky side has a place as important as any other aspect of yourself.

3-BDSM teaches you better negotiation and communication skills. It allows you to learn your limits and boundaries. BDSM teaches you about trust. It teaches you how to articulate and pursue your desires.

4- BDSM allows you to give up or stop that constant inner monologue, that self-monitoring, and gives you a “rest” from the self. It allows you to set aside certain parts of the self and develop other parts.

5-BDSM is fun. It feels good.

Aya gouli besmmallah ou zadmi.

Yours sincerely

Genetically Modified Algerian

p.s. if you want to make your ginger pussy purr hits the double-octave high A sharp note( rani nzoukh kima el kavia nta3 naima )while your stroking it I suggest buy yourself some nice Thornton’s chocolates before your start the stroking…thinking of me will help too

@ Naima – When Tarek says lets meet up for a drink, and then he turns up tipsy and spraying, I think a drink (for me) is in order, why should I hide the fact that I consume alocohol just to please someone I am not interested in? what I mean by sabotaging the date is showing my true colours which as we now know are not any Algerian man cup of tea. But thanks for the analysis ;)

@ Allison: “reverts vs converts” Yes that’s what is believed, I do not think it’s cocky at all, its just the way it is, some religions believe a mortal men is god, why isn’t that considered cocky?

@ Tonton DW: you are welcome to stay of course, but lay off Naima please, she isn’t merely as provocative as you, and she is only speaking her mind. This is turning into a battle field.

@ Allison: I fully agree, Algerian men grow up thinking they are GODS, they don’t have to earn the privileges and rights that are generously and unconditionally bestowed upon them by their loving mothers and grandmothers, what are the chances of any women making this man happy?They don’t need to prove themselves in the way the girls in the family do, a girl has to work hard at home and do all the house chores, work hard at school, go to university, work hard to get a degree and then work harder at staying “bent familia” to bag a good marriage that will make the whole family proud, only to become a new slave at the marital home where she has to prove herself all over again to the husband and the in-laws by surpassing herself with home chores, cooking, baring children and bringing them up the way the in-laws approve of. All of this versus what the man has to do? All he has to do is be born and have a penis – This will make him a GOD.

@ Star: I don’t think anybody is generalising here, its just different opinions.

@ Genetically modified Algerian: I am 50 steps ahead of you ;) but thanks for the effort.

GENERAL: Pseudonyms like the one above is not entirely appropriate but I only published it when I saw that it is actually a real profile and not created for the purpose of abusing anyone here.

@ Chatnoir: Thanks for the input. I don’t think I come across as a hunter at all, I am very laid back and I am not desperate. Expressing a need is not desperation and I am way too cool to be desperate ;)

BUT – I understand where you’re coming from with the hunting instincts; I am not in hunting mode AT ALL, Further to your comment “be a fragile women” I simply cannot allow myself to be THAT, a lot of people repeatedly pinch me or frown when I make a feminist comment or tell me to be more sweet or fragile! I am not good at acting or faking it, I believe I can only be this fragile woman when I am in the presence of someone I actually like or attracted to.

@naima-el kavia. You've added a new meaning to being obnoxious. I won't take notice of your silly comments about Algerians (both sexes) as a respect to LALAK Dz-Chick.

@Dz-Chick: Ah ya chrikti lol, Tarek maskin y zid chwiya and he will hear about his date with you in the Elchorouk newspaper.

Your real gripe should be addressed to your sisterhood and not the brotherhood. We were brought up by our mothers and we were influenced by them, so why us to blame? Have you heard of mental conditioning? Ana ngoulek if an Algerian man grow up thinking that he’s a god with a pENIS, equally; you’ll find an Algerian girl li ta7sab rou7ha a goddess with a ganfoudha(Hedgehog)……so what’s the solution? How can we break this cycle?

actually, i was referring to a previous comment of mine, where i was saying that i want to send you (the blog) a picture, and asking you for a suitable way of doing that. i guess you didn't get it or see it.

So "j'ai tout faux" ;-) too bad... may be. Just wanted to say that when i spoke of being fragile i didn't mean faking and playing a role. I meant be yourself. Men and women are both fragile in a different way.

You have a logical discourse...To be serious one second, i think that man/woman relationship is an equation that defies the mathematical foundations of logics : 1+1=0 (1 fragility+ 1 fragility= 0 fragility, 1 loneliness + 1 loneliness=0 loneliness and so on...)

i like the idea too but is it really a logical discourse? i think the loneliness/fragility of the said individual are only 2 of a multi-dimensional set of emotional states, all of which are never quite in their ideal equilibrium maybe unless coupled with a complementary set (i.e. from another individual).

I'm new to the blog, I read a lot of your posts (DzC) and your comments (the *people*), and it seems to be a very nice communauty

(Mauritius boy, I love you, are you tall? would you marry me? :) )

I didnt read all the comments of this post but I just wanted to make a point : it is possible to be an Algerian girl, to drink alcohol, to live by herself, to travel by herself (yeah nothing new for now) AND TO BE INTRODUCED TO HIS MATES :) It happened to me, you see ! Ok then we broke because he was too "complexé" on many issues and I found out he wasn't loyal as I expected but still it happened. And I was about to meet his family back in Algeria (without the pint of beer of course)before I broke up.Someone said it's not possible, I m just testifying it is.

I think you re right to put everything on the table straight (frenchism, sorry!), we can't keep on living in hypocrisy then blaming the other gender for being dishonnest. But it's hard. Very hard.

Aya good luck and if they taste the world, why couldn't we? (but never ever with an english colonizer!!!! London has far better to offer :p)