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The fine print

Allow me warn readers at the outset that this week’s column contains information that some may find disturbing. You are therefore advised to read this fine print before proceeding any further:

DISCLAIMER

Unauthorised attempts to illicitly change or download this asinine content, or to engage in any activity using these writings to damage the country’s international prestige and sovereignty are strictly forbidden, and were such activities to be undertaken with malicious intent, the writer (hereinafter referred to as The Ass) will not be held liable in any court of law, including under universal jurisdiction at The Hague, and said Donkey cannot be sued for libel or defamation in anyone else’s sphere of influence except in the location of his current domicile; and he hereby declines all responsibility for any disseminated material construed to be objectionable in this life and other pre- and after-lives, if any. This column and all content herein, including matter insinuated as being between the lines, is secured by Copyright, Intellectual and Industrial Property Rights, the International Convention Against Torture, as well as the Statute on the Inalienable Rights of all Animals Great and Small To Be Protected from Grievous Bodily Harm, pursuant to existing national legislation and international treaties that Nepal has signed, is been in the process of ratifying, or is not observing in letter and spirit despite having signed five decades ago. Users are allowed free access to copy, import, export, download, upload, unload, through any means electronic, mechanical, electro-mechanical, telephone, telefax or telepathy, any horsing around herein — provided no mention is made either of the editor or publisher. And, oh yes, this item contains some flash photography because my high-end DSLRs, although capable of capturing images in poorly lit locations, needed to avoid motion blur and/or camera shake and not desirous of notching up the ISO level because that, ipso facto, would have increased noise, distorted the colours and brought down the dynamic range of the image.

Right, now that we have those legal niceties out of the way, and there is no way you can sue the Ass’ ass off any more, we can get on with the rest of the column with my remaining word-count this week which is 85 words plus-minus 10.

Our subject today is the news item concerning the bull that inadvertently fell into a pothole in Gorusinghe Municipality. Despite heroic efforts of onlookers providing unsolicited advice to extricate the ox, it took all day because rescuing bulls from the Melamchi Trench is easier said than done — the law of gravity was just insurmountable.

A bulldozer (so named for its ability to dredge bulls) was finally able to winch the animal out of the hole that he had got himself into.

Officials from the Department of Roads and Craters said Wednesday’s incident had proven beyond reasonable doubt that the dimensions of Kathmandu’s potholes are now ISO9002 certified: “Our potholes used to be of substandard size, but we now know a city bus can easily fall into one of our bullholes.”

The Metropolitan Traffic Police, meanwhile, has converted the problem of the sudden increase in the bovine population of Kathmandu’s streets into a solution by turning bullocks into traffic islands.

Cows henceforth are required to cross at zebras, even if it means falling into bullholes.