When Maven is invited to tea by old Arbiter Jenkins (Phil Davis) and his wife Joan (Olivia Colman), he discovers that the old Arbiter never gave back the official Arbiter woggle when his reign ended, meaning that Maven's been wearing a make-shift woggle all this time. Maven devises a plot to retrieve the real woggle from the old Arbiter, but he'll have to get past his eccentric wife and pesky parrot first.
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A baby is born on the island, pushing the island population past its limit of 791 residents. The Great He immediately commands Arbiter Maven to kill off Jinsy's oldest resident. Sporall discovers that it's 98-year old Robunce Barnatty (Derek Jacobi). They cross the island to break the bad news to him, but he turns out to be more than just a very old ex-wrestler.
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Maven suspects that a cell of islanders are secretly sending covert messages to each other via 'textile messaging'. He accuses Mr Lovely - of Mr Lovely's Lovely Jumper Shop - of being the ringleader that he is calling 'The Speckled Pom Pom.' Mr. Lovely (Stephen Mangan) denies any involvement, but Maven, with the reluctant help of Sporall, is determined to get to put him away.
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The forbidden festival of Nacken is upon the island. Maven makes the whole island, including Sporall, take their nightly bye pill. But Sporall doesn't take his, so he can go down to the Moosic Tavern with Trince and a group of other residents, including manly singer, Rex Camalbeeter (Rob Brydon), to celebrate the festival in style. Maven takes to his bed, blissfully unaware, but the noise and revelry from the tavern threaten to wake him from his slumber.
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Maven's love of popular island show, 'Extreme Etiquette for Girls' and its matronly hostess Miss Penny, leads him and Sporall to dress up as young ladies to try and meet Miss Penny (Eileen Atkins) in person. Little do they know she has an agenda of her own, and before they know it, they are forced to join up with her army of impeccable girls.
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When Maven and Sporall attend Jinsy's Firelock Festival, local astrologer Madame Astralina (Katy Brand) predicts that Maven will be assassinated. As luck would have it, Sporall finds a resident at the festival, who looks almost exactly like Maven, and dresses him up and teaches him how to be an Artbiter, so he can take the bullet, if it is fired.
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Jinsy's accountants have gone feral, at a time when The Great He is demanding Maven's accounts. In order to get the accounts done on time, Sporall negotiates to have the Chief Accountant's daughter, Berpetta (Ben Miller), work in the Tower for a while. She takes an immediate shine to Maven, and, to his horror, he finds himself engaged to her - a match the Chief (also Ben Miller) is keen to have consummated.
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Maven's annual Arbiter ceremony goes catastrophically awry, when the historic wig used to crown him accidentally becomes re-animated, to the consternation of its keeper, museum curator Dr Bevelspepp (Stephen Fry). The wig takes on a life of its own and gets into the tessellation system, wreaking havoc over the entire island.
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The tessellator is out on Lickhou, and the Great He (Jinsy Praise Him!) sends Maven and Sporall to sort it out. They are accompanied by the island mapmaker, Melty Harris, whose unreliable map leaves them stranded on Lickhou overnight. When Melty tells Maven about the mysterious Kelpman of Lickhou - which ruffles his victims' hair before sucking out their brains through their ears - Maven goes into a blind panic... while Sporall discovers the real reason the tessellator has been broken in the first place.
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Arbiter Maven is the only Arbiter in Jinsy's history not to be selected as a member of the Cranial Lodge. He's determined to put that right by creating an invention of his own that will guarantee him membership. Sadly, he has no ideas of any worth, until he sees what looks like a car at a visit to the White Apron Playgroup. He persuades Sporall that they must steal the 'Vel' from its schoolboy inventor, Caravel Didd-Onion, and pass it off as their own, without letting on to the playgroup's stern Headmistress Mrs Stenton, or her glove puppet, Tiddly Eye.
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An unfortunate contestant in Sporall's weekly meat quiz dies during the popular island game. As is Jinsy custom, her nameworm must be removed, and the worm itself passed on to the most recent newborn. For Arbiter Maven, this spells bad news for many reasons. Firstly, it's snowing; second, the infant is on the far side of the island; and third, the procedure has to be carried out by Maven's old teacher, Ernest P. Threcker, who has nothing but contempt for Maven, and isn't shy about showing it.
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Maven and the rest of the islanders are convince their Diety has finally returned, and eagerly embrace Cupboardism as a religion and a way of life, but Sporall is not convinced. Will Dunt be unmasked before Sporall can be destroyed as a non-believer?
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It's that time again - time for Jinsy's wedding lottery, when all the residents will be assigned their new marriage partners. Mr Slightlyman has been busy rehearsing for the grand lottery show, but what other naughty things has he been doing on the side?
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