Archivos en la Categoría: Friki

As I said in the comment, nearly half of the songs this year have something wrong about them. They’re either plain, bad, mediocre, bad trolls or… something. So, if you excuse me, I’m gonna use this post to paint my owh little happy world about what should have been sent instead.

First of all, Montenegro should have sent anything else instead of Euro Neuro for reasons of absolute boringness. I can’t say what because they didn’t hold a final, but nearly anything would’ve been worked.

Latvia, for reasons of the song being lousy, should have sent some other act instead of Anmary. The best one on the national final was Andris Abelite with “Pedejais vards” but on the previous round there were some amazing songs that didn’t qualify to the final. My favourite was “We are not in Rome” that didn’t even make it to the second round. I can’t link to any of the songs because both got deleted, but trust me, they were perfect. And they didn’t even tell us the artist of the second one. (BTW, if somebody knows who composed and/or performed that, you will get my eternal gratitude).

Switzerland, for reason of her being awesome, should have sent Lys Motherfucking Assia with “C’etait ma vie”. She’s nearly ninety and she still can outclass 90% of bitches around. Being Switzerland, her chances to win would be just as zero as with Sinplus, but sending in someone who had won this contest before all the contestants but Russia and UK were born would have been a first class “fuck you” in the face of Europe. Also, it’s been proven that this year belongs to the old generations, so she DESERVED it.

Denmark, for reasons of the song being so boring I cant’ hear more than half of it, should have known better and sent in Jesper with “Take our hearts”. Jesper was good, he probably had at least top 10 guaranteed, quite possibly top 5, specially on a year like this. Soluna… I think she’s doomed.

Austria, for reasons of their entry being awful should have sent instead the fabulous Conchita Wurst with “That’s what I am” . But I guess the host would be uncomfortable having around a proud crossdresser with a beard preventing them to pretend they don’t know she’s not a woman. And the song being a LGBT pride anthem didn’t help either. I changed my mind, Trackshittaz are perfect for Baku. Objecizing asses is a lot less likely to get lynched than a message about being true to yourself. The world somethimes scares me.

Netherlands… well, I love Joan, but to be honest, they should have sent Ivan Peroti with “Take me As I Am”, for reasons of him being really good and having better chances to at least passing to the final than Joan.

Ukraine, for reasons of an infinite superiority over the badness package that won, should have sent Max Barsikh with “Dance”. But I guess they didn’t want to look like they were copying Eric/Tooji, so we have to deal instead with the worst song Ukraine’s ever sent.

Slovenia, for reasons of absolute amazing quality, should have sent Eva Boto, yeah, but with “A si sanjal me” instead of “Verjamem”. The ballad is a little boring, while this hits all the right buttons at once. What was Slovenia thinking, really?

Georgia, for more than obvious reasons, should have sent ANY other song in their national final. Seriously, they picked the worst one and it seems they picked it for being the worst. My personal choice would have been REMA with “Feel me”. It’s not like they’re impressively good, but they are worlds apart from the joker..

Some other potential choices: How about Adele for UK? And while I love Roman, Ornella di Santis would have also been a nice choice for Germany.

Seriously, what happened to Europe this year? Apparently, just knowing that the Eurovision host city is even farther from Europe than Moscow made half of the countries think “Well, what the hell” and show it in their acts in some way or another. Or maybe nobody wants to host because of the crisis, I don’t know.

What I know is this year started in a really disheartening way. The earliest half of the songs revealed was (with the glorious exceptions of Iceland and Cyprus) an amazing display of boringness and mediocrity. Even if later things got back in track and we ended with a not-so-bad year (although it’s not, by far, as good as the previous two), I still have the impression that this year lots of countries. Simply. Don’t. Care.

So, to start with the first round:

(This will get updated lots of times until I end the songs of the first semi. If you read this and it’s still not finished, come back in a week or so)

This is Montenegro not giving a shit. I have to admit, though, I thought this would be a lot worse than it turned out. When I knew they had selected an artist named “Rambo Amadeus”, I thought the song would be an unphatomable piece of crap, and this… isn’t. It’s just the closest a song can get to white noise without being actual white noise. I know, it’s supposed to have a deep message about materialism and stuff, but that message will never be heard when it’s so plain dead boring.

Yeah, they changed it to English later, but I’m posting the original, live version, because it’s gorgeous. Really, when a so minimalist staging can make something look so beautiful, it will do wonders with lights and sequin and a little smoke. I SO want this to win right now…

This is Greece not giving a shit. They’re broke, with riots, a fresh new president imposed by the same banks that led them to bankrupcy… one would say that that, considering not even Stereo Mike could prevent them from reaching the top 10, they wouldn’t dare sending ANYTHING that had a chance of winning.

Guess what? They’re doing it anyway, because that’s how they roll. Even if they are so bankrupt they had to stage their national final in a MALL (that alone deserves its own post, by the way) . Helena… I mean, Eleftheria manages to put on an amazing act. Yes, it looks a lot like My Number One, but it’s original enough not to be a copy. And it’s just simply amazing. Are you sure about this, Greece? Because I love it, but I won’t love if the next contest is in the backyard of the OGAE Greece headquarters.

This is Latvia, clearly not giving a shit. There’s a reason I always follow closely the Eirodziesma: I know it’s gonna be full of amazing artists… and none of them is gonna win. Even if they don’t send the worst artist of the lot (Thank you, thank you, Latvia, for sparing us the Mad Show Boys and Disco Superfly!) , they chose a troll act without any personality about how ridiculous is Eurovision and how stupid we are for watching it. The most tragic part (besides knocking out one of the best songs I’ve ever heard without even revealing the name of the artist) is that I really like Anmary’s voice. I wish she had a real song for a change. What’s wrong with you, Latvia of the Brainstorm and Lauris Reiniks stunning quality?

I’m not totally convinced about this, you know. Yeah, it’s a good dramatic ballad, and she manages to howl it conveying totally the feelings of loneliness and desperation any dramatic ballad needs, but… she tries too hard. Still, if she stands under a spotlight, with smoke and not a single fancy thing, it might work.

This is Romania, kicking ass at not giving a shit! Here they are with drummers, bad English, bad Spanish, a guy with the best afro I’ve seen in my life and freaking bagpipes, all of that thinking they’re the greatest thing ever and almost making us believe they are. Oh, my, I love this!

This is Switzerland and me not giving a shit. The song is not bad, just absolutely forgettable. Sorry, but bland rock has never been my cup of tea, and I really wish this was the only time in the year I have to say this.

Wow, we managed to get quite far before the first Disney Ballad popped up, but… yeah, we just had to have it. The delivery’s clumsy, though. She has a nice voice, but a bad singing. I’m still willing to give it a second chance in the semi, but only one.

This is Finland, so not giving a shit they’re sending a song in Swedish.. I like it, it has a nice flow, and a sweet ethnic flavour that doesn’t force itself on you, but I honestly don’t think this will pass. Also, Robyn Hood only distracts from the song. Make her go away, please.

Why does this remind me of Brainstorm? And why I ike it? The style is weird, the singer is weird,the song is weird, the singing is weird, but still I like it, even if I don’t have the slightest clue about how are they gonna put on a show with this.

This is San Marino, not giving a shit by any conceivable definition and trolling everything that can be trolled and even some things that can’t. I’m usually not into troll acts, but this is so glorious even I have to admire it.

Here’s the full story: San Marino had originally sent this song with the title “Facebook, uh, oh, oh“. With music by Ralph Motherfucking Siegel and lyrics so bad that would put Rebecca Black to shame, and a video to match (and the comparison to Rebecca Black extends to the video). It took the EBU around five seconds to decide the song broke the rules that forbid commercial messages and give the country four days to change it or GTFO.

Then comes the best part: the lyricist did a hard brainstorming and retitled it “The social network song” and changed every instance of “Facebook” in the lyrics with things like “Hello”, “Oh oh”, “Network”, and my personal favorite, “Beep beep”. Without any other change. This is,ladies and gentlemen, the most epic trolling in the history of Eurovision. Sorry, Silvia Night, but you just were out-trolled.

This might be the best song in the contest (well, second only to Iceland), and the fact that she clearly has the time of her life singing it just makes it even better, but… we still don’t know how the delivery will because the only live performance I’ve found totally sucks. Since it started as my favorite and my last two years favorites (Slovakia 2010 and Poland 2011) commited suicide in the semifinals, I don’t have very high hopes, but I’ll cross my fingers anyway.

This is Denmark, thinking they give a shit. But I had to stop it after 1:30, so I don’t. Seriously, how can some people think this is gonna win? The only thing I like about it is the chav playing cello (That’s brilliant! How come nobody thought of that before?). But the song is… just not. The bad part is that another song in the national final had almost guaranteed a third top 5 for Denmark. The worse part is that it was the favorite of all but one of the international juries, and was kicked out by the Danish televote. Now if this sinks to the second half of the table, and I think it will, Danes will wonder why Europe doesn’t like them anymore. Well, duh!

You know things are near rock bottom when Russia is not giving a shit. I think this stage is the same they used for their Junior Eurovision final, and they’re sending something fun, lovable, and that doesn’t stand a chance of winning. (But if they do don’t worry, people, it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world)

Moldova NEVER gives a shit and it’s not like they were gonna start this year. They just do their thing, wether that is a sax player rubbing his crotch on his sax, a monocycling fairy, a drumming babushka or, like it’s here, literally riding Gaga girls onstage. And somehow they always manage to make it work in their own, very Moldovan way, like that hippie brother you love even when he’s making you facepalm.

Once you get through the weirdness, this song has a great tune. The lyrics… would be better in their own language.

Because if this guys with some song and some show landed them their first top 10 in forever last year, the same guys with the same song (well, a little better, I admit) and the same show are gonna do the same thing this year, right?

Most consecutive times entering: United Kingdom (every year since 1958)

Most times entering without ever withdrawing: Spain (every year since their debut in 1960), followed by Croatia (18)

Most times entering before winning: Finland (39 entries before first victory)

Most times entering without winning: Portugal (44 entries and counting)

Least times entering before winning: 0 (Switzerland in 1956 and Serbia in 2007 won in their debuts). If considering that Serbia had entered as part of Serbia and Montenegro, and that Switzerland couldn’t enter before 1956 because the Contest didn’t exist, then the record would go to Netherlands (1957) and Ukraine (2004), both winning in their second attempt.

Most last placings: Norway (10)

Most consecutive last placings: Germany (1964-65)

Most times entering before placing last: United Kingdom (45, they came last in 2003)

Most times entering without placing last: France (53 and counting), followed by Israel (33) and Greece (31)

Most victories without ever placing last: France (5)

Most last placings without ever winning: Malta and Portugal (3)

Winning countries that don’t take part anymore: Luxembourg and Monaco.

Well, at leas one song this year got the oblivion it deserved. I don’t understand how people can say it’s a masterpiece and too good for Eurovision. It’s the closest a song with lyrics can get to abstract art. Yup, I don’t get it.

The fact that this didn’t pass is, to say it mild, outrageous. Kristina, honey, you were robbed. But guess what? It was your own fault. Well, of your camera director. You had the best act in the contest and we couldn’t see it because all the takes were either close-ups, long range pans or taken in weird angles. I watched this and got the feeling of “WTF is going on in that stage”. Show me the choreography. SHOW ME THE CHOREOGRAPHY!

What the hell is she wearing? And for what purpose? They plucked her eyebrows to make her gaze like Oliver Twist, and she’s wearing a big crucifix around her neck because otherwise we wouldn’t know her song is about God. Oh, my. And we’ve not even started with the song and the voice. And we won’t because is too painful. If there’s something redeeming here is that we finally get to see the lights at work.

Eurovision Junior 2010 is in two days or so and yup, I haven’t commented. And I’ve got an exam to study for tomorrow, so this is gonna be really fast:

All the preview videos and etceteras are here, and I’m only going to comment them:

Lithuania is sending Zac Efron… sorry, I just got messed up. His name is Bartas, he’s fourteen and really, what are childs eating in Lithuania? He looks like an 1.80m Ken doll. When he’s seventeen he’s not going to join a boyband: He’s going to BE a boyband. Why sharing the stage with other boys?

The song, Oki Doki, is what you could expect: pop-ish, electronical and factory made. I like it. And Lithuania gains the dubious distinction of sending to the Junior contest a better act than the one they sent to the main one.

Moldova brings us Stefan Roscovan with Alli-Baba.

After watching the rehearsals, he’s my candidate for a potential darkhorse. This song can make a really good act with the right choreography. And I’d say he has it.

Netherlands has Annaand Senna with My Family.

Oh, my. I don’t speak Dutch, and yet I can realiza how awful these lyrics must be. There’s a thin line between political correctness and bad taste, and these girls felt in the wrong side. Even so, they’re cute (And have a violin, violins are awesome!), specially the one who looks like Natalie Portman.

From Serbia, Sonja Škori? with ?arobna no?.

So, this is why Ovo Je Balkan was so shitty: Sonja had taken all the quality Serbia was allowed to spend this year. Shame on you, Sebia, your Junior act is kilometers above the adult one. Sonja actually could represent her country in the adult contest without any shame… and she’s one of the few kids this year that can carry a good tune without trouble.

(And here we can see how JESC, just like ESC, has it’s own bandwagons for everybody to jump in. It’s obvious that, as past year a 14-year old won, this year many countries will send older kids. There are few with representatives under thirteen)

Ukraine sends Yulia Gurska with Miy Litak.

The song isn’t half bad, but it isn’t in the same league than the big players this year. And, considering how my instints work, it actually could win (I have never been good at guessing)

Representing Sweden, Josephine Ridell with Allt jag vill ha.

And 2010 will pass to the history as The Year Sweden sent Boring Songs to Eurovision. Like, really, really boring. Both of them.

Now, ¿Remember how, after their first victory with ABBA, Sweden has kept sending ABBA reprises to the main contest? ¿And remember how Russia won the Junior contest with a jazz act?

Well, they sent the Tolmachevy twin’s evil twin the following year, and now are trying to doit again: Sasha Lazin and Liza Drozd, with love from Russia, singing Boy and Girl. Just like the Tolmachevy sisters, but now with mixed genders!

Latvia brings Viva la Dance in the voice of Sarlote Lenmane and the Sea Stones.

Another one to the sack: Watch and learn, Aisha: this is how you represent your country in an international song contest: Holding your tune. She seems to be hot in the polls, and I wouldn’t be angry if whe won, even if she’s not my favorite.

Belgium sends Anna and Senna… wait, we already were through this, didn’t we?

Wait, sorry, my mistake: Belgium sends Jill and Lauren with Get Up!. They’re just like Anna and Senna, except that they sing better and their melody is worse.

Armenia somehow managed to clone Dino Jelusic, speeding the clone’s growth so it looks like he’s twelve, called him Vladimir Arzumanyan and sent him to sing Mama. The problem is that they didn’t get a song as good as Dino’s, but this kid can sing and has lots of charm, so I’d say he stands a chance. But again, don’t trust my instinct.

(Besides, the fact that I think in three years from now he’s going to be an awfully hot dude makes me feel biased. And guilty)

Nicole Azzopardi, singing Knock knock! Boom boom!, comes from Malta.

One of the many things I hated about Safura’s Drip drop, (besides the song being completely pointless) was the way Safura moved to it. She tried to “drip drop” with her hands and head… and failed. Nicole, obviously, doesn’t have a problem. She knocks just like you’re supposed to knock when you’re knocking. Besides, she’s cute, has personality, and the song is one of the best this year. Go Nicole!

Belarus forgot to send a song.

Really.

Well, actually not, but Daniil Kozlov singing Muzyki Svet makes you wish they had. The song is bad, he can’t sing and there’s no way to fit a choreography in it. Damn, I miss Alexei. I even miss Ksenia. And the guys who sang Tantsui. What happened to you, Belarus?

Now let’s come to Georgia. Either I’m high or… no, I’m not high. They’re actually sending one of those songs: Mari-Dari, by Mariam Kakhelishvili.

¿Remember that Sweden won with ABBA? Now, remember how Georgia won JESC with an acid trip in a made up language? Well, they’re trying to get Europe to buy that again, but this time is even worse. This time it’s a solo girl. With minions. It’s scary.

And finally, Macedonia has Anja Veterova with Eooo, eooo.

JESC has got it’s own Aisha this year: Anja suffers of a very gross case of the Aisha disease. The song would actually be pleasant if she didn’t yell.

And, of course, Questionable Content. I think is the only webcomic that manages to combine a consistent high quality with frequent updates. Yeah, Sinfest updates even more often (and in it’s high points reaches heights QC has yet to achieve) but some of the strips are rather bland. Lackadaisy has an apalling visual quallity, but sometimes takes a month or two for the next update. Leie and Planeta Absurdo are the kings of sick humor, but also get pretty irregular every now and then.

And Inverloch is ended.

But I’m not going to compare (more than I already did, at least). Today I’ll write about an issue that has been bugging me for a few weeks, about the characters in QC. And, specially, their families.

Most of them, referring only to the ones we know their families, seem to have either conflicts with them or come from unorthodox families.

For example, Marten. His family appears to be functional in a really unusual way, but it works in spite all they’ve been throug. Just think for a moment: even before Marten knew what sex was, his father was having it with men. And his mother was having it while wearing leather and high heels. (almost, gotta check if he some time states the exact age he was when his parents divorced)

Now, despite it, his parents still share good relationships. Marten gets along with both of them, and as far as we know, they are in good terms. An example? Veronica says about Henry and his new partner that they are “A better couple than [Henry and me] ever were”

Another one? Henry asks Veronica for her permision to marry that said new partner. And she gives it happily… only conditioning it to Marten’s aproval, which also offers us a glimpse of how much they value their son’s opinion and love. And when permision is asked, Marten’s only concern is Henry’s happyness. So yeah, they’re functional, but a family formed by a gay gay club owner, an S&M MILF and their bossaroundable son is everything but orthodox.

What about Dora?

Her mother is barely sane, she’s got deep issues to work out about Sven, and she and her father get off with pictures of the same woman. (who at the end happens to be the mother of Dora’s boyfriend). I rest my case.

Let’s take Faye. Her father commited suicide infront of her, damn it. Even skipping the part “in front of her”, which was unintended, he commited suicide (and we’ll never know why), and it doesn’t take a lot of hindsight to realize they have never fully recovered, unsurprisingly. So yeah, Faye, Amanda and mommy Whitaker are in good terms, but from certain point of view, are barely functional.

Penelope’s a fierce atheist, while her parents are fundamentalist christians. Yeah, they can get kinda a truce, as she did with Will (or so it seems), but first, Will is not that a fundamentalist, and second, he’s not her father, so he wouldn’t have the urge to “set her in the right way”. It would be interesting to see Pen-Pen interacting with her family, but at this point, we should consider ourselves lucky if we get to SEE her.

And let’s not even start with Hanners. Both her parents are billionaires, but (maybe because they are) none of them actually cares about her. Mom Chatham ignores what mothers and daughters are supossed to do together, and daddy Elicott built a robot so her daughter could have sex.

Stop it.

It’s HANNER’S family what we’re talking about. Of course it can’t be functional!

So, the only character who actually has a “normal” family, both in the sense of “orthodox” and “functional”, is perhaps the last we would think: Raven. We haven’t met them, seen them or known a lot about them, but she doesn’t seem to have problems with them (she stated wishing to “follow their footsteps” in science) or deep issues to work out.

Marten would come next, with a family that is everything but orthodox, but still manages to work incredibly well. Faye’s family does pretty good considering all things that they’ve been through, but Dora, Penelope and Hanners (in descending order) are a lot less lucky with their families. Although all of them lead rather succesful lives (even Hanners… kind of), all of them seem to have trouble with their families.

Of course, we don’t know anything about Tai’s family. Or Wil’s, or even Steve’s. Altough, considering how cool Steve is, his parents must be awesome and Jeph, please please please let him have a little brother. We could get clues surfing through the strips, but I’ve got some homework to do.