THE ‘CAUSE’

The phrase the “cause” has slowly become an obtrusive term on Kito Diaries in recent months. It’s almost hard to miss when the issues of MGM and bisexuality are discussed. Quite frankly, I never knew there was a cause to begin with. I guess the so-called “(elite) gay men” who have reached their “acceptance” centuries ago failed to include that in my “guide to acceptance handbook” (which I never got to begin with). Just like everything, they failed to indoctrinate me on my sexuality. So I set out on my own (like I have done all my life) to find answers and understanding to this “cause” that commands such high reverence when they speak of it.

The word “cause” is defined by Google as “a principle, aim, or movement to which one is committed and which one is prepared to defend or advocate”. The word web dictionary among other definitions sees it as “a series of action advancing a principle or tending towards a particular end”. The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (International student’s edition) sees it as “an organization or idea that people support or fight for”.

In view of the above definitions, I now ask: what are we fighting for? What are we agitating for? What are the contained values and rights which forms this “cause” that we are fighting for?

From all I have seen, read and experienced regarding LGBTQ issues, it’s safe to say that our agitation stems from the need to be seen and recognized as an integral part, contributors and stakeholders in the society, rather than outcasts, a maculation, an abomination. The freedom to CHOOSE and stay with who we love without being criminalized for it or subjected to any form of bullying, abuse, inhumane treatment or outright savagery. The right to be who we want to be and express it without disapprobation.

Ultimately, we are advocating for an end to inequality and fairness in treatment.

In view of the afore discussed contents of cognition, one would think that these beliefs are wildly and generally upheld by all, but so far, the factual representation of “the cause” has been mangled and employed for usage as an outcry system on Kito Diaries to woo bystanders into a snickersnee against “deserters and traitors” who manifest as and are called MBM/MGM.

I have found myself in recent weeks questioning the true existence of “the cause” because of how it has become a mere tool deployed in questioning the life choices of queer men and women, rather than a pother for remediation. If the cause is so important to us, I’d like to know if it is so often on our minds that it comes up when we show up for hangouts? Does it ever make it to the core content of our “kikis”? In between drinks and small chops, does it take centre stage during gay parties or gatherings? How many times in the past year have we bothered to know our hookups beyond the sex they are there to provide and go on to engage them in a discussion about “the cause”? The answers you are able to come up with to your individual selves is good enough answers to those of us who have a reputation for peddling the “cause” here.

Where am I going with all of this, you wonder. Well, the actual idea of a “cause” is beginning to sound like a joke on Kito Diaries. The only time that ideology is ever brought up is when the issues of Gay and Bisexual men opting for marital union with the opposite sex come up. Other than that, no one is interested in discussing it or bringing it up. If it ever makes it to a content of discussion, it is done with such nonchalance or derailed by irrelevant negations and discredits, leaving one to question the level of import the said “cause” holds to begin with. Don’t get me wrong, I am all here for the championing of equal rights, recognition and liberty for the LGBT. But when a hot-button issue like “LGBT cause/right” is being used as refraction ONLY when MBM/MGM is being addressed, it makes the whole idea questionable.

Nothing and no one is holding anyone back from standing and fighting for what they believe in. You never sought anyone’s approval or validation before venturing into the life of sexual liaisons, pursuing relationships or attempting to capture some form of happiness for yourself. So why then are you hell bent on browbeating people into submission and giving their support and stand with you on the road to singledom? Stonewall, which is arguably the genesis of gay liberation movements, was built on a sense of identity, brotherhood, love, friendship, patience, empathy, understanding, courage etc. It recognized and respected diversity and the strength of unity.

No! The gay liberation movement did not develop because EVERYBODY unanimously agreed to stay single or come out all at once, like some of our brilliant in-house strategists have proposed, but because of the courage of some men and women who got tired of being put down and brutalized, and who then chose to hold out. It started with some minor harassment of a lesbian, and grew into the foundation for LGBT revolution. It took the unwavering courage of the likes of Marsha P. Jackson, Sylvia Rey Rivera amongst others who chose to put up a resistance that nigh in July of 1969. They weren’t bothered with whether who the married ones amongst them were cuddled up to in bed, if their struggles were different from the general LGBT population, or if the rest of the heterosexual public would approve or not.

They just knew it was time to fight back.

A spur of the moment that gave a face, a voice to the fight for liberation and paved the way to freedom. A game changer that started small, but grew exponentially because people IDENTIFIED and knew it was time to bind together. A fight brought on by a handful of street kids who went on to change the course of history. Thrown out or ran away from home because of who they are. Forced to sleep on the streets, living from hand to mouth, selling their bodies and doing menial jobs just to get by. These men and women had nothing to lose but their freedom of expression. We can’t be living sheltered lives while accusing others of doing the same.

Harvey Milk did not busy himself with the numerical implications of MGM/MBM and how it would affect his chances of giving a positive face and name to the LGBT community. The same could be said for Frank Kameny, Barbara Gittings, and Bisi Alimi. Knocking down the wall of inequality requires the collective effort and collaboration of everyone under the LGBTQ umbrella, working harmoniously towards the realization of our joint goals. At this point, focus should be on our level of preparedness when those who have gone before us, the numerous faceless home grown LGBTQ actors and organizations, hands us the baton with the mandate of bringing it in.

We are always in a state of hero worship when news break about other countries making admirable strides toward breaking inequality barriers, without giving a thought to our own road to freedom. The equal rights bill in the workplace of 2007, the knocking down of “proposition”, the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell”, the US Supreme Court ruling supporting same sex union in all the states of the federation, the legalisation of LGBT unions in Mozambique and South Africa etc – these are some of the notable strides in the fight for equal rights. These achievements were not obtained on the whims of staying unmarried, but by forming groups like the Mattachine Society, Daughters of Bilitis, S.T.A.R (Street Transvestite Action Revolutionary), Gay Activist Alliance. These were homophile movements providing education, information and outreach to LGBT people. That is how you work towards achieving a cause. Uniting, mobilizing and sensitizing people. Not antagonizing them or widening the divide that already exists in the community. Effecting a change of this nature and magnitude doesn’t take visibility alone, but strategic planning, tactical action/solutions, political maneuvering, installation of pro LGBTQ policy actors who can influence legislation and policies, lobbyists, sponsors/contributors , funding, education, social and LGBT awareness just to mention but a few.

The road the “cause” charts is long and treacherous (for those of us who dream of it), so why squander unnecessary energy talking about it when you can start walking it? You can’t be comfortably tucked inside the closet while barking orders and reprimanding your contemporaries for burrowing further into theirs.

Long story short, you need me as much as I need you. It doesn’t matter who gets a better and safer seat on the boat, the main thing is that we are on the same boat. We can either steer it to safety or sink to our doom in it. The only way we can work together is if we respect each other enough to see each other as people in the same struggle. They say a house divided against itself is destined to fall.

To many, this piece would come across as an unsung sermon, which is not my intent. This is not designed to win souls but to show how inglorious the “cause” is beginning to sound, thanks to its inexpedient usage. Until we are able to put aside our emotionally-charged prejudice against one another and everyone under the LGBTQ umbrella aside, I am afraid that the idea of the “cause” would forever be a joke, told by a clueless and uninformed mind in a desperate attempt to appear bright.

“The only time that ideology is ever brought up is when the issues of Gay and Bisexual men opting for marital union with the opposite sex come up. Other than that, no one is interested in discussing it or bringing it up. If it ever makes it to a content of discussion, it is done with such nonchalance or derailed by irrelevant negations and discredits, leaving one to question the level of import the said “cause” holds to begin with. “

Anyway, like you rightly said, antagonising MGMs (nd not MBMs…have to make this clear) isn’t going to help ‘the cause’ or rather, would derail us from the ’cause’ but sanctioning it or acting like it’s normal and all good wouldn’t either.

Let’s form the organisations and what have you. I’m all for pushing towards liberation but I’m not going to act like MGM is something to look over.
Period.

I have ma own reservations against MGMs n bisexual men because in the that your boat analogy, they’re like those people who would give u that ‘I already have a lifeguard so if you guys sink, I’d be safe’ kinda look. The truth is that MGMs care less about the fight, all they care about is that next hot twink they’d fuck in that hotel room

Again, there’s no angle people won’t explore to defend cheating and hypocrisy.

Personally, I’m not fighting for a cause with any community. How many KD commenters share the same ideals/ worldview?

I’m always disappointed when the MGM discussion comes up. Those defending cheating employ any stratagem they can think of to avoid taking responsibility for their dishonesty and what it says about them.

There he goes again. The simpleton who sits in a philosopher’s chair, spouting ignorance. For a person who claims to possess a superior mind,the fact that you do not realise that morality is a personal/relative thing is surprising. Oh scratch that. It’s not surprising. Would be if you were actually smart.

For you, being near intelligent, i dare you to understand the reasoning behind this popular Shakespeare quote:

“Why, then, ’tis none to you, for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

And for the others, i’d dare not ask that they understand it. Why raise my expectation for a lost cause? And by the way, so are you, as you shall soon prove to all with an inane comment.

and thank you! Thank you for telling us PLAINLY that you do not fight for any cause with ANY community. You see, you almost had some deceived. They would think that you were on their side, fighting for them. Now you prove by your own words, that your interest is selfish, seeing as you constantly struggle so hard to undermine everyone else; your sick approach to acquiring any sort of relevance in the community.

And you crown your stupidity with this statement: How many KD commenters share the same ideals/ worldview?

You thus reveal your utter ignorance as regards GROUP DYNAMICS. To your infantile mind, you assume that members of a group need to necessarily share the same ideals to work together. You therefore demonstrate that you are clueless regarding group principles such as “looking and working beyond differences for a greater cause”. Of course the concept of “greater cause” is totally alien to mediocre mentation. And thats alright, since you have told us you fight for no cause. Not entirely alright, since planet earth will continually wince every time your open your oropharygeal GUTTER to expose your disguised imbecility.

I should ignore you, but I think responding to one or two of your points will illustrate my argument. You get a reply this time!

Morality is relative – people have different opinions about what is good and bad, as Hamlet put it in the line you quoted from Shakespeare. That supports my point about people not sharing the same worldview.

That’s also why the rest of your comment about group dynamics and so on is bizarre. If we have differences about what the “greater causes” should be, how can we all work towards them? Everyone would simply work toward his personal cause. That;s why it’s important, ab initio, for everyone in a group to share the same cause.

Again you miss it. An inane comment as expected. But ah, a glimmer of hope. He accepts that morality is relative. Oh thank you. But i fail to see how THAT SUPPORTS your point about people not sharing the same world view. But one thing it did- it forced you see and say that morality is relative.

But still, your comment about differences on what the “greater cause should be” is idiotic. And let me tell you why. The greater cause here obviously is the elimination of homophobia. All of us agree about that, or dont you. See, you didnt realize. Proves your shallowness.

From all the grand nonsense u spouted, the morals part got my attention. You really shouldn’t exist, stoned or clubbed to death, on the basis of that ‘morals is relative/personal’ tripe. Unfortunately u do, while some, perhaps more worthy people, cannot lay claims to such luxuries anymore. Sad really.
Obviously, a filthy degraded mind sees nothing wrong in being an intending MGM, as is ur case. But so u know, it becomes a HUGE thing when there is a victim. It becomes a huge thing when it leads to abuse and death. Perhaps you should tell us how the whole play ended out instead of quoting fancy excerpts from some plays to pass off as knowledgeable.
You want progress in this ’cause’ y’all are nodding ur heads about? Why not focus on encouraging ppl not to live as men married to women 1st and watch how this ’cause’ of yours bounds and leaps.

Agreed. But it would all be a waste, if a little of that smartness didn’t rub off on u. And the chances of that happening are slim to non-existent. All the same, the bolded part lets me know the indoctrination process has begun. I could eventually be wrong about u being air-headed, but I serzly doubt that.

Is there really any point to this bickering back and forth? No point is made or conversation fostered when there’s this constant sniping. And that’s the issue we have. We let our defensiveness on these issues get too much in the way. (Note, I’m not slamming anybody o, before responses will go for my jugular). I’m just saying. a little less sniping and insults, and a little more smart contention on these issues, and maybe – just MAYBE – we can learn to pause and hear what the other side is saying.
But it is a problem that’s mired with the choices gay men make. So of course, there can be no actual conversation until we feel like we have sufficiently policed everyone else in the community to what we believe is right.

You’re right, TDC. We should not wait. We should do the much we can in our private corners. You are very right. But the problem with that is, no revolution ever came from small voices in private corners. Movements create change when voices come together to create a clamour. That is why it is important for articles like this, where we are chastised to TRY to set aside our differences and work for the common good.

I get what you’re saying,I sure do.
That’s what I would like too,but a situation where we’re the enemy,the cog in the wheel of progress…..

My people have a saying,let us chase the wildcat away before we blame the hen.
That principle,that lesson is what Nigeria gays,especially as seen on KD,has adamantly refused to learn.Most of the confusion,the segregation,are easily traceable to them.Misogynist to boot,too.We met the enemy,and he is us as Pogo said.
So,what then are sane minds to do?.Keep hoping they’ll grow up?.
Mbanu,oge adiro.
Do what you must,in your own little corner,then fervently pray n hope that trickle becomes a stream n the stream,a river.

@TDC, TWO actually, the other practically danced around it a few weeks ago, but his heart intentions were clear as day.
It’s a good thing if u ask me, at least it begins to paint a clearer picture of who those paying lip service and talking fancy for the sake of fancy. Those willing to talk that talk and walk the walk, rather than scream coward at others while dragging their feet and eventually disappearing altogether before reaching the point of engaging the enemy. It begins to unmask them to impressionable minds, giving them a chance to decide and chart a course of action regarding their lives rather than jump on trending bandwagons.

The purpose of this piece is to take us all back to the drawing board to discern where we stand in the thick of things, rather than the endless maze run challenge we take on everyday. Sadly, the negation and derailing tactics is being utilised as anticipated.

I am particularly glad that that someone (Chuck) was man enough to step up and admit that he doesn’t care and support and LGBTQ cause(regardless of my personal reservations about that character, I applaud his frankness), rather than dance around issues like our four legged ballerina (Sorry lord, I couldn’t help myself).
As much as I applaud his honesty, it did raise a very vital question(s) in its wake. Why do we then gather here day in day out, spending a great deal of time and energy taking stabs at each other, raising arguments and counter arguments when we could be out there living a somewhat more productive lives ? What is the primary motive of every argument or possible suggestions(if any) that u have given on LGBT issues here?

The fact that u subtly agreed that the concept of Morality is relative (U are welcome to deny, I promise I won’t be surprised), something our so called “I am a moralist and not a Christian because fornication is a religious term” friend is struggling to comprehend. Your agreement then puts ur “all cheats must die” mantra in a very precarious position. But since that is not the main discuss, I would leave it for another day.

Since you have agreed that u aren’t fighting or have any cause to fight, then I see no reason for you to be raising surmountable objects on certain subjects. Afterall why argue about it when u don’t believe or willing to fight for it in the 1st place?. It serves no purpose beyond a mere distraction and obstruction for those who deep down pray to see an end to segregation, degradation and inequality. If not for them, then for the next generation of young men and women to come.

I don’t agree with cheating because it disrespects the dignity of the other person. Outside of religion, I think everyone should respect others because the well being of the individual is the purpose of society.

I am not fighting for any cause with you or MGMs or gay Christians etc. because we do not agree on causes. We don’t even agree on what homophobia is. How can we combat it together?

in my opinion, KD is not an avenue for fighting homophobia. It might lead ppl to do that when they see that there are others like them and so on. At this moment I don’t think the blog’s owner recognizes that homophobia grows out of practices and beliefs he defends on this blog, such as MGM, Abrahamic religions, patriarchy etc.

Morality is relative. Some standards of morality are built on rational/ consistent/ inclusive principles, and others are not. They can be evaluated on that basis.

I always try to approach every conversation honestly and to learn what the other person thinks. Usually I am able to find where our principles diverge and find out why the difference exists.

It’s been illuminating to see your thought process as well. I disagree with your conclusions, but I also see the logical steps you took which I would not have taken in your shoes.

‘At this moment I don’t think the blog’s owner recognizes that homophobia grows out of practices and beliefs he defends on this blog, such as MGM, Abrahamic religions, patriarchy…’

Oh wow. I defend MGM, Abrahamic religions and patriarchy? ????I can’t seem to win with you people. Just a few days ago, I had to defend the inference that I hate religion. And here, apparently I defend it and such and such societal evils too. Apparently respecting the fact that we’re all not cut from the same mold has made me a perpetrator of homophobia. This is truly shocking for me. ???

I am not too stiff to agree that u do have a valid point on the subject of cheating. As noble as it sounds, that idea of 100% eradication of the practice/behaviour or whatever u want to call it, is what is not attainable. Just as it is IMPOSSIBLE to stop gay men and women from marrying the opposite sex, it is for these reasons that terms like palliative measures and mitigation exist. Countries of the world where progressive legislation is thriving, we have gay people still opting for old and traditional family settings. The only difference btw there and here is the percentage at which such unions are happening. Once upon a time, polygamy is regarded as a symbol of wealth, health and influence. But thanks to education, exposure, the trend is considered old fashioned. Is it obsolete? No! But it’s widely considered as unacceptable. Same applies to the issues of MGM. For u to attain that level of society where men and women can comfortably say no and stay true to their natural inclination, u must start from the basic. And if u say the basics means nothing to you, then we are all lost.

In management, there is such a thing called organisational goals, and there is organisational objectives. The goal encompasses the general intent of that organisation. In the case of LGBTQ people, I’d like to assume that “An end to inequality”. Objectives can range from marriage for LGBT people, legal recognition for LGBT people in school, work etc, seek and get redress for any form of discrimination etc. Then we have the tasks allocated to positions and unit which is supported by structuring called organisational structure which holds and dictates tasks and duties, sums them up and ultimately direct everything towards attaining the said goals.

If some units of these structures Don’t identify with the goal and objectives, then we have a problem. This is what dark side was trying to communicate to you about being in a group. It’s no longer about u. Its no longer ur show, u don’t call or dictate the shots.Unless u are saying u don’t identify with gay struggles, then I will gladly accept ur reason. But so long as u identify with the LGBTQI umbrella, then ur personal prejudice, believes, ideas etc takes a back seat to the overall goal that the LGBTQ movement is agitating for. Like u said, KD is a platform, a meeting ground. It doesn’t exactly aggregate entire needs to gives us an avenue to trade arguments, ideas towards the advancement of knowledge on LGBTQ issues. Using KD as a benchmark to measure the what constitutes “the cause” is one of the many places u are getting it wrong. And holding a class captain responsible for the performance of an entire class equates to wrongfully punishing someone else for the the crime of others. Which then brings me back to that thing u said about respect and wellbeing of individuals in the society. (Bear with me for they plenty typos)

I haven’t tried to convince anyone not to be an MGM. People will do what they want to do. I have only argued that cheating is dishonest and disrespectful, and all my posts on the matter have been about recognizing that cheating is WRONG because it is disrespectful. I have never called on anyone to stop it, just to acknowledge that it is wrong. On this blog several people have tried to deny that, by pointing to straight cheaters and so on. What I stand on is that cheating is disrespectful.

I am a homosexual. It does not mean I am subject to any organization, latent or otherwise, or committed to eradicating inequality. I’m wary of this move you’re making – rolling all homosexuals/ bis etc into the LGBTQ movement/organization. What exactly is that movement? Who gets to define its goals? I don’t agree that my personal beliefs take a backseat to a goal that I haven’t been consulted on or asked if I subscribe to.

I hold PP responsible for his own words and actions – his comments and so on which illustrate his position on mGM, religion etc.

Dark Side (the troll) was committed to winning a war of words or proving that he was more clever than I am. He was not communicating. You don’t have a fruitful discussion or argument with insults and so on.

‘ I am a homosexual. It does not mean I am subject to any organization, latent or otherwise, or committed to eradicating inequality. I’m wary of this move you’re making – rolling all homosexuals/ bis etc into the LGBTQ movement/organization. What exactly is that movement? Who gets to define its goals? I don’t agree that my personal beliefs take a backseat to a goal that I haven’t been consulted on or asked if I subscribe to.’

So its been all about you all along.Thanks for clearing that up for us.

You think i am trying to prove that i am more clever? I never intended such a thing. You see, i do not need to belittle you to help my ego. Why belittle the little? A waste of time. But this is something YOU NEED and DO all the time. And guess what, everyone has noticed. You got a friend here? Ask them. Or do you feel threatened by me? hahaha!
And i am calling you out on this STUPID THING you do all the time. You try too hard to come across as a person who is logical and has the capacity to reason. Yet you slam labels on things WITHOUT PROVIDING A LOGICAL BASIS for them. You called a post incoherent yesterday without providing reason And now you say i was not communicating. Well i think i was because you understood me perfectly and even bothered to reply.

And please, take note. EVERY ONE ON THIS BLOG KNOWS THAT CHEATING IS WRONG. Now read what i just said again so it will sink in. And this just means that you have failed to grasp the nuances of the MGM argument, a reflection of your limited mental capacity. Empty vessel that you are, you have made a lot of noise, trying to educate people about the WRONGNESS of cheating, not realizing that this is something they already know. I will not help you understand. Nay, i prefer to leave you stupid.
And you deserve my pity, but even that i will not give.

1st of all, you still haven’t provided irrefutable proof that someone acknowledged the merit(s) in cheating. All u have done is make bogus claims and false allegations. A substantial percentage of KDians ve openly condemned cheating. And there is no need to say “several people”, I am the one responsible for bringing up the straight comparison and it was done in the context of holding gay people to the same standard as we hold straight people. NOT in an attempt to give credit to cheating or uphold it! U have misquoted me in the past, this is me laying it out for you and the uncommissioned panel beaters who have taken it as part of fulfilling their destiny to beat my words into unrecognisable shape…CHEATING IS DISRESPECTFUL. And if I Peak, wake up one day, cheating one anyone I agreed to commit to, them I am being nothing but a dishonest and disrespectful prick! There it’s all out in the open. Can we move along now?

2ndly, help me understand the rationale behind ur incessant harping about cheating and summing every opposing argument as an attempt to excuse cheating when u just said ” i have never called on anyone to stop it” ? We don’t just shout about an end to homo/bi/trans/lebophobia because it’s wrong, but cos it has to stop or simply mitigated and addressed

3rdly, I gladly appreciate the fact that u agree to being a gay man, but do not identify with whatever aggregated goals, struggles and possible aspirations other LGBT people might have. How u are an individual entity and prefer to be treated as such. In light of these new revelations, i cant help but wonder…what brings u here? What purpose do u serve on this blog? What should we make of ur inputs(past n present) and contributions on the blog and moving forward when u just not so subtly said u don’t identify with the needs and wants of a large majority on this blog. These are legitimate questions, no shade. Just an honest attempt to know the people I have spent years addressing as neighbours.

2. I counter the arguments for MGM because they are presented as deserving protection for being MGM. Cheating is actually harmful, so why should people who cheat be arguing that they are facing discrimination?

3. I identify with those causes that I deliberately and specifically sign up for. I don’t believe that being homosexual automatically signs me up for any cause.

4. I’m on KD to see how some other homosexual, bisexual etc. people in Nigeria think. It’s been interesting. The comments I make are largely secondary to reading the comments and opinions of others.

For your point 1, do you now see that Peak agrees with you that cheating is disrespectful? Now pause and think. Ask yourself why you have been shitting from the mouth all this time.

For your point 2, MGM should not be protected. Oh, i agree with that wholeheartedly. We should issue a Fatwa on their heads, burn them like Akin was burnt on the streets, give them the worst of our venom, shame them until they crumble in death. This is your brilliant solution to the MGM situation. Bravo!

For your point 3, you have openly told us you aint part of any cause. Relax child, we already know. I do hope others can now see clearly the attitude of a man who argues for argument sake, undermines others just because he can, and lacks a sense of purpose or direction. Dem say wen wind blow, fowl yansh go open. This yansh didnt even need wind…

For your point 4, you came to see how Nigerian homosexuals think. And yes it was interesting…Until you decided to open your mouth, puke your putrid ideas and serve us your half-baked perspectives. Should you decide to close your mouth more often, we’d be happier and you’d definitely look smarter.

Chuck u seriously need to make an effort to stay on topic. Ur problem b4 now was that Kdians were endorsing cheating, that confusion has been cleared up. MGMs are gay men who opt to marry women. At no point is/was cheating discussed. Cheating in the issues of MGMs is a byproduct of ur imagination, an outside element hauled in to help support ur arguments and has never been a core part of the original discuss. Unless u have a scientifically tested proof showing that there is a strong correlation btw MGMs and cheating, or ALL MGMs would end up as cheats, then I suggest u back down from this line of argument, bcos it has nothing to stand on. Its like saying all gay men are pedophiles, Dogs who spread diseases like the homophobes would have people believe. A toad in the queen’s cousin post was quick to consent that MGMs get a free pass, so long as they stay faithful to their wives and once they cant, they should reach 4 a divorce and all will be right with the world. At least he was able to discern that much (but we know he would change his slithering skin when morning comes). Why you, who is assumed to be the brighter of the two is still invested in mixing the concept of MGM and cheating up?

Cheating is a different subject all together from MGM, please try and understand the distinction.

No one is begging for ur protection, u have none to give to begin with. An MGM is a more prized kill compared to you in the eyes of a homophobic mob, so u might want do something about that false sense of protection u think u have.

How is cheating different from mgm? Find my comments on this blog where I condemned mgm without mentioning cheating or dishonesty.
I think being an MGM is a sign of a liar and a cheat. And I have said so.

Being pseudo-logical will not help you. “Being MGM is a sign of a liar and a cheat”. Idiot, this is a generalisation. What you are saying is that EVERY gay man who is married to a woman on the entire planet CHEATS. To your mind, it is impossible for a gay man, who for whatever reason got married to a woman, to be faithful. You are simply incapable of intelligent extrapolation, small-minded thing that you are.

Mr Pseudo-logic, I see what you did there. You feel smart but truth is that you ain’t. Thing is, you saw clearly that your earlier stance was a generalisation, in absence clarification. Pointing it to you was a favour, because it’s either you just modified your stand or you clarified it. Since I have started helping your weak mind and your poor communication skill, I will not stop.
You just opened another door and you do not know it, further evidence of your sorry lack of keen mental processing. You just redefined what an MGM is. According to you, a gay man who marries a woman and remains faithful to her IS NOT MGM. Hahahaha! *applause*
I want this to sink. I repeat, a GAY MAN who marries a woman but doesn’t not cheat on her IS NOT MGM, as defined and used on KD. What is he now? A married gay woman? Look here, you are not smart. If you were really honest, you would realize it and keep your head perpetually bowed in shame…forever. I wait…for another goof…then another inane comment. And you won’t disappoint…because you cannot help yourself really.

This post seems to follow a usual pattern that I have witnessed here before from a different person. The main claim seems to be that the cause is only brought up in discussions about gay men who marry women and this therefore diminishes the idea of any cause at all. It also suggests that those who feel that there is something to fight for should go it alone and stop antagonising those who want to live their lives a là MGM style.
It also mentions the need for unity, coming together and recognising that we are all in the same boat.

I agree that not everyone one has to be in the struggle to achieve anything. Going by the 20-80 rule, only a fifth of people may bring about a lot of the change we seek, so there’s no problem there. We may all be in the same boat but every hand does not have to be on deck. The Arab spring was started by one man, the events at stonewall probably by a few and even the strides in the developed countries were not achieved by all, some gay men of prominence are still in the closet, some have come out after the fact and some may yet do so.

One thing I want to add though is to question the idea that we advance the gay cause only when we are out on the streets carrying placards.
Charity begins at home. We cannot fight homophobia when we still harbour it within ourselves. We cannot defend the ‘gay lifestyle’ when we think it is wrong or just a passing fancy. We cannot dance or shout in a pridea parade when we are ashamed of who we are. We cannot hold our head high as gay men while at the same time pandering to ideologies that condemn us.

In this blog we have seen gay men belittle effeminate men, we have seen people tell others to ‘man up’. We have seen inflattering comments about lesbians, transgender and bisexual people. There is less of that now thankfully and it is all because of the collective interchange of ideas and inspiration from the experience of others. Due to the environment we grew up in we have hearda lot of lies about ourselves which need to be unlearned. We must come to self acceptance first before taking the fight to others.

I also think it is not very accurate to say the cause is only mentioned when discussing MGMs. We debate a lot of issues here. Homophobia, Religion, HIV And AIDS, Relationships, Sexual roles, Coming out, Whoring etc. Dennis has talked about our coming together and helping one another which had nothing to do with MGMs. We almost unanimously proscribed one of us who we felt acted against the interest of a lost gay boy. All that to me is part of the cause. It is all geared towards enlightenment and developing well rounded individuals who live according to their own philosophy and not one passed on from society. It is from this blog that I was challenged and acquired the courage to come out to the people I have come out to.

The debates we hold here could be healthier if we address issues instead of the person expressing them and not take offense when our argument is faulted. However, I would rather have unhealthy ones, on all topics that affect us, than none at all because that is the way we move forward and that is how we can get to the critical mass of individuals who believe enough to start that movement that will change things. In the meantime each of us can do the little he can in their own corner, ‘quiet activism’ is how a friend of mine termed it.

The point raised by the article, Sir, is that the MGM argument has been allowed to become a cog in the wheel of progress. We have become stuck in the mud of acerbic rhetoric. We have spent ourselves on this argument, to the extent that alliances have been broken and friendships destroyed. This community in summary is BROKEN, a result of the myopic idea that WE ALL must agree on the MGM matter. We have spent too much energy on the topic, to the detriment of every thing else, at the expense of TOO MUCH. The smart thing to do would be to bury the matter and work together in spite of differences. But smartness is something that rarely happens here. So let the fights continue…

And MGM is just one point among SEVERAL laudable ones raised. That fact that you picked up on just MGM (or something closely related) goes to prove my point.

I have read ur comment at least 3 times and still can’t fully grasp its message because it seems like it’s neither here nor there (no pun intended). Please do keep in my mind that I opened with the phrase “the cause” which is a regular feature in most MGM discuss (u are welcome to visit such posts). And when it is a main discuss, people don’t treat it with as much gusto as they do when wielding it during an MGM debate. U cited DM and his rants about the need to work together, visit some of those posts and u will see how it his marred with suspicion and expression of reservations. My reply to IBK above pretty much sums it up. (My interpretation of ur comment may be wrong)

I do agree with some of ur angle of thoughts, but u can’t deny the reveal that came with this post. You can’t deny that even a lot of us don’t know or believe in what needs to be agitated for, yet take up every chance they can get to cause a tumult and raise objection for what has now shown as “for no particular reason”.