Al Gore’s dalliances are not really the American public’s concern. Captain Planet is no longer a high-ranking public “$ervant” so his alleged lack of judgment does not compromise national security in any way. Though, it may have dire global consequences as we will see shortly.

The matter is between him and Tipper, and judging by their split, it looks like she knew something was going on, but that’s between them.

Recently, Portland police released the lurid details of what transpired between a masseuse and the Cassandra of our times.

I won’t go into them here because quite frankly I don’t care about the details, but if you do you can check it out here:

It is interesting that some of the major media players have stayed mostly mum on this. In fact, looking at the front pages of the sites of some of the big boys like ABC, CBS, Huffington Post, CNN and MSNBC this morning, nary a mention of what the police report said.

This is a tired song but it bears repeating, one wonders if Gore had been a GOP fixture, would the masseuse’s report been a major front page news item on these sites? Would the graphic details (a la “wide stance”) been emblazoned for all to see and snicker at?

Of course, but this is the modus operandi of these outlet’s and there’s nothing wrong with that, you’re supposed to take care of your own, especially when they screw up, right? What are chums for? Besides he gave us the “Internets”, right Dubya? Which without, we would have never had “Twitters”, right Barry?

A profit for our time

Make no mistake about it, these outlets (particularly ABC’s GMA) have been beating Mr. Gore’s drum on our planet’s pyrogenic condition for year$ now. They’re not about to undermine the apocalyptic religion that is anthropogenic global warming (and the whole “green” journalism wing$ it has created for them) by reporting on its chief prophet’s extracurricular activities.

Which brings us to an interesting tidbit in the police report. After the alleged encounter between the masseuse and Gore, the woman told her friends about it. Her friends, “liberals like herself”,

…advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

While I’m not going to go as far as Michael Savage and proclaim that “liberalism is a mental disorder” (it’s not), it’s incredulous that her “liberal” friends truly believed that what stands between annihilation and our continuing existence on planet Earth was Al Gore’s reputation as a husband who keeps the 7th commandment.

In light of the immensity of the Charlie-Fox that is the Gulf oil spill, with nowhere/no one else to turn to the Feds have asked notable movie director, James Cameron for advice on the best way to um, terminate this titanic mess.

I lost all respect for Herr Cameron after reluctantly watching Titanic. When it came out and people around me were going to the theaters in droves, I steadfastly held out. This stubborn refusal to line Cameron’s pockets lasted for an entire year until one lazy Saturday afternoon when Cinemax ran it and I plopped down in front of the telly and watched.

Needless to say, the movie was everything I thought it would be: a sappy and trite “love” story not worthy of 3 seconds of my life, not to mention the 3 hours or so of it. For a hilarious take on the Titanic character “Rose” (nauseously played by Kate Winslet) go all the way down the page in the following Camille Paglia op-ed:
Bow-ow-ow: Obama’s painful missteps

So when Cameron’s pantheistic Smurfest, Avatar, came out, I didn’t flock to the IMAX despite entreaties from several people. While I have watched the movie, albeit blasphemously, on DVD and on a non-flatscreen TV (the horror!), I remain one of the Luddites who has not had the life-changing 3D experience. Bah! Humbug!

To me “Pandora” will always be the 80s Mexican pop group (below) and not some idyllic living world which doesn’t take sides but does,

While, I fervently hope that Cameron can provide a solution to widening mess in the Gulf, short of him having a queue which links him up to Zonama Sekot Gaia/Eywa, AND he gets her to take sides (like Jake Sully did) I don’t see the director na’vigating the feds, BP or Gulf Coast fisherman out of this mess.

You’d think that as a person who commutes daily in one of these bad boys, I’d be exempt from having to prostrate myself before Gaia for sins committed against her.

Wrong. Last week, on the way home, I was one of 2 passengers in one of these buses (they seat 55 passengers). I don’t know what the carbon footprint of such a colossal waste of fuel is (High Priest Al Gore couldn’t be reached) but I’ll utter 250 Hail Gaia’s.

I’ll even throw in an additional 250 for commuting for the wrong reasons. You see, my primary reason for riding the Metro has nothing to do with “saving the planet” and everything to do with saving my aging vehicle and reducing my stress footprint. If this helps “save” the planet, that’s just gravy.

In case you’ve run afoul of Gaia, here is the Hail Gaia so you too can be forgiven for your emissions,

Hail Gaia, who floats in space
Al Gore is with thee.
Verdant art thou for us humans
and verdant are those who recycle
old freezers.
Holy Gaia, Mother of all,
pray for us sinners,
now and when we buy carbon creds.
Amen

People have seen the face of Jesus and His mom in a variety of settings. The list of items is diverse but oddly enough stays mostly within culinary confines. Toast, tortillas, and spaghetti are but a few examples.

Oddly enough, some people turn these items into objects of veneration (at best) or worship (at worst). Don’t know what happens once said items succumb to one of nature’s most inexorable forces: mold. Relic, heal thyself, maybe?

Well one “relic” that doesn’t have to worry about mold is a trash can in our lunch area at work. Is it just me or is the object of my native land’s idolatry etched into the plastic?

The whole sackcloth and ashes act over our “eco sin” is somewhat amusing to this blogger. The fruit produced from this repentance (i.e. carbon credits) is a flat out joke. What’s next self-flagellation with organic produce?

Yes, we ought to do our best to not squander resources and keep our streets and highways clear from debris. It drives me up the wall to see that people think their driveway needs watering, almost as much as smokers thoughtlessly flicking their namesakes out of their car windows.

No, I don’t think that the pavement-wetters and butt-flickers have committed some sort of “sin”. I do wonder if it has occurred to the more “eco-friendly” among us that from certain people’s perspective the most egregious “eco sin” we’ve all committed is well, being born. Have you an idea of how much of that noxious carbon dioxide one human being exhales in one lifetime?

Maybe the grossest “sin” hasn’t occurred to them because the act of repentance for that sin is not something that sane people are willing to really, really atone for.

Though that is not to say that some people whose sanity is suspect aren’t raising awareness (Click here for a most excellent write-up on “awareness” in general).

Though I don’t fancy myself a Captain Planet type, it does bother me when people litter. Whether it’s a cigarette butt or the remains of a fast food meal being ceremoniously dumped out a moving vehicle, I can’t comprehend what compels people to do this. (Actually I do, for back when I was hitting the cancer sticks, I’d thoughtlessly do this and do it out of sheer laziness.)

I understand that there are some who would have such offenders pilloried and sent to Al Gore to say a few Hail Gaias.