August 3, 2009

My comment, at 3:59 today, Central Time (though we are on Mountain Time), in the post "We're here in Colorado not just for the scenery, but for the law," which read: "What is the law we love so much — this beautiful example of the benefits of federalism? I will tell you soon!"

The first commenter there, reader_Iam, instantly got the answer:

Are you wanting to solemnize your own marriage, as opposed to having an officiant required?

Couples themselves may solemnize their own marriage (perform one's own marriage ceremony). According to Colorado Revised Statute 14-2-109, a marriage may be solemnized by a judge of a court; by a court magistrate; by a retired judge of the court; by a public official whose powers include solemnization of marriages; by Indian tribe officials; by clergy; by the parties to the marriage. If you wish to solemnize your own marriage, you will be responsible for acquiring, completing and returning the license to marry to the appropriate county Office of the Clerk and Recorder.

And that's just what we did. This afternoon, we drove from our hotel in Bachelor Gulch to the Office of the Clerk and Recorder in Eagle County, where we showed our driver's licenses, answered a few questions, paid $30 cash, and got a license that empowered us to marry each other. We drove up Bellyache Ridge — just the 2 of us — where we did things our way and solemnized the marriage on our own. Then, we did the additional red tape — filling out the bottom of the Certificate of Marriage and handing it back to the county official who'd asked us the questions earlier. And now, we're here at Yeti's Grind on Broadway, in Eagle, eating our first food (sandwiches) and drinking our first drink (mango smoothies) as husband and wife. And we're both on the WiFi.

One thing I love about American federalism is that — subject to the limitations of national law — individual states can do things their own way, and we can move around finding the law we like. We decided against marrying in Madison, because under Wisconsin law, not only do you need to pay $125 or so for the license and then go get a minister or a judge to perform the wedding — you have to wait 6 days between getting the license and doing the wedding. What's that all about? It's insulting, not to mention avaricious. We went west, out of the grip of a paternalistic state, for greater freedom and individuality.

And, yes, we think same-sex couples should also have the right to marry. You'll have to travel somewhere other than Colorado if that's the freedom you want. We traveled and got what we wanted, and obviously, we have the additional benefit of getting a marriage that will be recognized everywhere. I hope the day will come when the Coloradan attitude that favored us will smile on gay people too. But for now, I'm just really happy to be married in Colorado, on Bellyache Ridge, with just me and Meade on the scene. Aptly, it turned out that there was a big old cell phone tower on top of the ridge, so we texted and emailed and telephoned.

And I made a blog comment — a comment, not a post, because that's where I found my dear husband, in the comments.

Hey, congratulations on your self-nuptials. May you both have love, happiness, and blessings in whatever order they come to you as long as those three things are the main ingredients in your lives. YAY!!! I'm happy or you both.

My eyes welled up with happiness as I read about the beautiful simplicity of your wedding. You are obviously both very independent spirits and this was the perfect way to make your pledge to each other totally your own. Sincerest best wshes!

You made your announcements in the comments, but I can't help but notice that your ceremony was just about as anti-blog and anti-internet as possible.

Just two people alone on a mountaintop. Not needing a crowd. Not needing ceremony, or electricity, or feedback.

Just two people--both of whom were going fine through life on their own. Then they realized they were a bit lonely, and wouldn't mind a companion. A guy was found in the woman's comment section and became a whole man to her.

Yay, heartfelt congratulations! This marriage (between 2 people I've never met)-- and the narrative of the love story, with all its quirks, we've gotten glimpses of on this blog-- really makes me happy. You did it your way.

Nice. I like the whole approach you two took.My sister lives in CO and remarried to a Jack Mormon. For their wedding, they dressed in 19th Century wedding outfits.'Bout anything goes, except gay marriage..

Also, congrats. I did not realize you were getting hitched. Thanks for including the context of same sex maariage. Truly classy.Finally, I am glad you did not do the whole Las Vegas hillbilly wedding thing.

Cake is urban slang for money. Recent freebie on iTunes was a rap song called "Loco Wit Da Cake"--so, how much cake are we talkin?

lohwoman: if you want to use a nonapproved person, get an instant online ordination from the Universal Life Church and check with your county to see if ministers need to be registered to administer nuptials. Boom, instant minister (or pick your own guru title).

I am an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church.

I used the ULC press pass this weekend to do some good photography of a labor rally.

Listen, you two aren't *too* far from me now, so if you want to meet up,...I'm anxious to prove, to both of you, that a black guy swearing, in person, is a LOT different than it comes across in written form.

Times have changed since 1964 when we married. In Minnesota, the land of many blue laws, a marriage license could only be issued in the home county of the prospective bride. Not the county where the bride was born, but where her parents were then living. No idea about a bride who was born out of state or whose parents lived out of state; perhaps that couple would have to live in "sin!"

The couple had to wait three days. There might have been a provision for requiring a blood test too; can't recall that.

Couples themselves may solemnize their own marriage (perform one's own marriage ceremony).

That is hardly new.

In the Catholic Church, the minister of the Sacrament of Matrimony is not the priest, it is each of the intended spouses -- the man and the woman marry themselves. The priest is merely there as a witness and to bless the marriage.

And marriages made at common law were/are made without the intervention of government or other people. Indeed, the fact that people married themselves before the existence of government demonstrates that government lacks the power or authority to redefine marriage.

Marriage is what it is, and government -- either by court or legislature -- cannot make it something that it is not. If marriage were dependent upon government for its definition or otherwise subject thereto, it would not have been possible for people to marry themselves prior to the establishment of government. Of course, this is simply a long way of saying that government cannot redefine marriage to include a person of one sex "marrying" another person of the same sex because such is not and was not the nature of marriage prior to government.

The nature of marriage is something more than "a piece of paper." There is an inherent nature to marriage -- marriage is not an invention, it is a state of being.

As such, it cannot be made into something that it is not and was not, and that inherent, per se nature is the union of one man and one woman. If it could be so reinvented and made into something different (of course, if it was something different it logically cannot be the same thing as before), then persons of the same sex could simply "marry" themselves at common law, without the intervention of government, as was the prior practice. But that was not and is not possible because, whatever such a union might be, it is not and cannot be "marriage."

For everyone else - the county seat is in Eagle, but Bachelor Gulch is by Avon, which is right by the Beaver Creek ski area, maybe 10 minutes down the road (I-70) from Vail. While I have never been there, it looks like Bellyache Ridge is near Wolcott, another 10 miles down I-70 - except that apparently they had to go into the county seat in Eagle first, another 10 miles down the road.

When thinking about the Avon area, keep in mind that (former) President Ford had his second home there, right next to Beaver Creek. There are a lot of very expensive houses along the valley there.

I have known two people whose families had ranches fairly close to where I think Ann and Meade got married. Beautiful country. Good choice.

The minute you blogged about your trip to Ohio and spoke of your love, you changed.

Your blog photo changed from an out of focus picture to a sharp and crisp one. Ditto for the all your pictures on the blog itself. Your beauty comes through and it's not just movie star beauty, it's deeper than that. It comes from the soul.

Is it really going to to go 84 comments without any snark? I suppose AA and Meade had to marry each other because no one else would do it? Or, more likely, "as a lawprof," Ann couldn't make do with any ordinary vows or any ordinary vowgiver. I guess she could marry herself better than any judge could marry her for her.

Now is this an active F-U to the judiciary? I suppose it's a good thing you don't practice.

Seriously, I have no notion of this marry-selves thing but if it felt good, I'm glad you did it. Mazel tov and many happy returns, and may all your troubles be little ones!

Congratulations Ann and Meade. One question, do you think it's the internet that has made us so impatient that a 6 day waiting period seems like a tremendous burden?

Hey, you found each other, you love each other, you will never yell to the other, "you spend all your damn time on that computer." It sounds like a match made in heaven. May you have 50 years together.

At the risk of being (mis)taken to be sounding like Maxine (not at all my intention), I wonder where the kids are, since Meade had originally said "August 1, if all the kids can be there." It's certainly appropriate to marry each other alone; hope they will all celebrate with you soon.

Congratulations! My True Love and I snuck off to Yosemite to make it official a few years back. In CA we needed the help of a preacher and some random hikers to serve as witnesses, though. Being married rocks!

I am still pondering the leap of faith aspect. A year ago, this day was probably far from your expectations. It took courage to suggest a meeting and courage to accept. It took even greater courage to dare to change the comfortable status quo.

Is there a "teachable moment" here for Althouse blog followers?

What would be possible for each of us a year from now if we had the courage to take a similar leap of faith?

In canon law of at least the Anglican Communion solemnization of marriage is the de facto reality, no matter how the liturgical forms make it seem otherwise. The marriage is performed by the marrying couple, period. The priest merely recognizes the act of marriage on behalf of the church and the state. The priest does not make it. The couple makes it.

The liturgical forms surrounding the actual marriage act, which is a solemnization, just as you did, invite the illusion that the church or the priest, as an instrument of the church and the state, makes the marriage happen, brings it into being.

But that is illusion, and a careful reading of the liturgical forms demonstrates, albeit not clearly to the uninitiated in canon law, that it is an illusion.

The couple marrying brings the marriage into being, they and they only, and the liturgical form actually expresses that fact, as can be seen from a careful reading of it.

I am unfamiliar with the canon law regarding marriage in Protestant, Reformed, Orthodox, Coptic, Syriac and Roman Catholic, etc. Christian denominations as well as in the numerous Christian lay monastic orders, such as Amish, Mennonite and Hutterite, etc.

But truth is, apart from financial considerations, which cannot have weighed upon you considering the expense you incurred for travel, food and lodging to create this condition of life, to achieve a solemnization of marriage -- marriage done by the marrying couple and no one else -- you could have done that before an Anglican (Episcopalian, etc.) Priest in an Anglican Sanctuary anywhere in the world, so long as you are a Communicant or the Priest is willing even though you are not.

Althouse managed six posts this August 3rd as well as in 2008, even while getting hitched, impressive consistency, that.

Interesting set of posts, though, the Dowd thing is a reminder of how ridiculous the press was with regards to Obama before the election, and the sandwich manifesto is probably something that deserves revisiting.

Again, congratulations to you both, it's a wonderful and daring thing both of you have done.

"At the risk of being (mis)taken to be sounding like Maxine (not at all my intention), I wonder where the kids are, since Meade had originally said "August 1, if all the kids can be there." It's certainly appropriate to marry each other alone; hope they will all celebrate with you soon."

August 1 was the date we originally pinpointed, because we wanted a Saturday on the theory that our kids would be able to travel then. When we decided to do the self-solemnization with just the 2 of us, we moved to Monday, because that's when the county office would be open.

Don't worry. We see our kids a lot. I don't think putting on a wedding show for them was key, and I really did not want a wedding.

I should note, however that marriage is always performed by the couple (in the West). The officiant just observes and reports.

Even Christians who believe it's a sacrament (Catholics, Anglicans, Orthodox) believe that the sacramental act is committed by the couple. In fact, it's the only sacrament that is always performed by "civilians".

It is true that the institution of marriage is not particularly original, but the ways in which people knit their relationships within it, create space for themselves for each other, can take infinite forms. That's why it can be work, both joyful and hard.

As for your letter analogy ... it's the words that seal the meaning (intended and received) of a letter, not the strip that anybody, including a perfect stranger, can lick.

i'm a may UW law grad and clued two Fort Collins friends into the same part of the law. the next day, they asked me to "officiate" the ceremony - at an organic farm, of course - where they solemnized their own wedding. it went off a hitch labor day weekend, everyone loved the "sermon" i concocted!

if i caught my cane last fall, does that mean their marriage will be especially...fruitful?