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Sunday, 26 October 2014

to explode or not to explode, that is the question

I´m in Germany, as always I´m trying to make the most of my time while being here before I head to my English exile again. Go to theatre, eat at my favourite restaurants, sort out eye tests, bank appointments, and, most important, meet as many friends as possible to catch up and be social.

Easier said than done (I vaguely remember I talked about this before) - matching busy mums, hard working office heroes and people from sometimes further away than 200km.
But it works, sometimes better, sometimes worse.

Then there are my two old "friends" from school, from now on I will refer to them as the two Graces.

Two weeks before my flight: "Hiya, just to let you know I will be home for three weeks and my calendar is still empty so pick a date :-)"

~silence~

After I landed, Grace 1: "How about this day?"(ONE fucking day out of three weeks!)

~silence~

after approx. 10 more emails, answered within 2hrs from my side and within five days from theirs

me: "That is the date! When and where?"

~silence~

Two days to go, Grace 2: "Oh, oops, I don´t have time on day x, have to find a different day!"(yes, as I´m such a sad little creep who has nothing else planned now for her last week than sitting at home waiting for someone to take me out)

Tomorrow is day x, I haven´t heard of Grace 1, I haven´t replied to Grace 2.
Turned down other friends as I had a date.

I´m pissed off. BIG TIME.

I´m disappointed and hurt, I don´t expect to be the center of attention but a little bit of "Oh, you are here, so good to see you again" doesn´t harm and should come easy amongst friends.
Of course I´m the student, the one without the busy job so I´m not allowed to have a busy schedule myself- if I moan about the sheer impossibility of setting a date I take the blame "I never know if you are here/have time - it's always so complicated" (it's difficult to find out things like this in times of email/Facebook/phones, texts/letters, I understand that)

It has absolutely nothing to do with how busy you are - it is entirely up to you and your priorities.

The question now is - remaining silent, giving up and hoping for things to improve or die off?
Or writing that one email saying everything I wanted to say for years now? And then hoping for improvement or the end including having to swap sides on the pavement when accidentally meeting in town?
As you might have guessed by now, I love to provoke and speak my own mind but I'm no good at confrontations at all.

Why do we hold on to those who obviously don´t care about us (a rhetorical question, I know I should have ditched them a while ago)? Are you maybe stuck in a similar relationship were you hold on to something that isn't there anymore?

PS: And I promise, this will be the last post about this - no matter what I decide to do, it either will improve or be over now...I hope ;-)

Update: Grace 1 emailed "Yes, we can meet but I'm quite sick" - am I a monster now for having replied "Yes thanks but no thanks"?