Sunday, March 11, 2007

As I put my keys in the front door, I heard the sound of someone in the flat. The red mist came down. This was my chance to get even.

I opened the service door at the back of the building and spotted a shovel and a bamboo stick. It was always going to be the shovel. As I got to the back of my flat, I was confronted by someone shouting, "It's all right, it's all right" while trying to squeeze out of the little window in the bathroom, the only window that wasn't barred.

I hit him very hard on the head with the shovel. He flew out of the window, but not before I had turned the blade sideways and struck him between his fingers, cleaving his hand open. When he landed on the floor, I kicked him hard in the nuts. When none of the above worked, I bottled it and ran.After I tried about 10 neighbours' doors, one eventually called the police. When they arrived, I was immediately bitten on the arm by an Alsatian. I explained that I was the victim and we went back to my flat with the snappy dog in tow.

My front door was hanging off its hinges: the burglar had returned through the service door when I'd run off, obviously deciding to get his loot rather than get me.

The flat was covered in blood, all over the walls and floor, including his bloody handprint, complete with cleft. The shovel had stuck to it a 50p piece-sized disc of scalp, complete with hair. I should have cut his head off, the policemen told me. If I had, they added, I would have gone to jail.

As far as I am concerned he had every right to kill him. Burglars will not wait for you to call the police. If you ever catch anyone illegally in your home you should have every right to kill that person while they are in your home and not even get arrested for it. If more people actually took on criminals they would think twice before doing anything illegal, certainly if they faced physical attacks and possibly death for being scumbags.