The Good, The Bad and The Scary – June 15, 2009

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9 years ago

OK, now that everyone’s seen Drag Me to Hell at least twice (if only to figure out why there was an anvil hanging from the ceiling of a suburban garage), we can return to business, namely sitting in judgment of the talented, the hacks, the money-grubbers and the artistes. There’s something for everyone this week, as you’ll soon discover.

Phantasm IIUnavailable for home viewing for twenty years, Don Coscarelli’s bizarre masterpiece of a series can be experienced anytime and anywhere. Yay!

2

NightbreedI have a soft spot for Clive Barker ‘s movie about a secret town of monsters. Now it turns out there’s a work print with 45 extra minutes of footage…a DVD release is in development.

3

The Real ExorcistPoints for trying: Vertigo Entertainment is making a movie based on the (allegedly) true story that inspired The Exorcist… wait, didn’t I see that on Showtime nine years ago as Possessed?

4

Jonah HexAttention teen boys: Megan Fox has signed on as a “no-nonsense” prostitute with a gun. And that’s a step up for America’s nerd crush, last seen dry-humping a motorcycle in the Transformers 2 trailer.

5

Scream 4The Weinsteins wanted Wes Craven to direct what sounds like a shot-for-shot remake with the original cast in their original roles. Craven just said no — interesting, in light of this week’s -5.

Saw VIMaybe it’s all a PR stunt, but blog posts emerging from the editing suite suggest that Saw VI is so complex, noisy and brutal that the cutters had to be sent for a rest cure. Note: that doesn’t mean the movie is good.

-4

Piranha 3-DThere’s no other explanation: The entire marketing budget is devoted to trivial, non-news press releases. We now know that Eli Roth will have a cameo as the judge of a wet T-shirt contest. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

-5

A Nightmare on Elm StreetSo I’m still looking forward to it, but I was really disappointed to hear that the producers didn’t even tell Wes Craven that they were remaking his best film. Can you say “Giant, no-account jerks?” Seriously, that was a douche-bag move.

David Wellington is a horror novelist whose latest book is Vampire Zero. He lives in New York City with his wife Elisabeth and his dog Mary, named after Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein.