VANCOUVER -- Sure, Vancouver boasts stunning mountain views, sandy beaches and mild winter weather, but it also has a less enviable attribute.

“Let’s face it, we’re a city with a bit of baggage,” says Charles Montgomery, curatorial associate at the Museum of Vancouver.

From overzealous drivers to errant cyclists, uninspiring architecture to the closure of beloved cultural venues, Vancouverites have plenty of reasons to heap scorn on their city, Montgomery argues, comparing it to an enticing but dysfunctional lover.

“It’s as though we’re in a relationship with this beautiful, yet sometimes superficial entity that hurts us and wounds us.”

While frustrated city dwellers may vent their frustrations over the water cooler or Friday night pints, Montgomery says it’s high time we air our issues at an official rant session.

Vancouver, I Love You But ... — an evening of urban talk therapy — is the Museum of Vancouver’s offering to those looking for an outlet for our collective contempt.

The tongue-in-cheek event slated for Friday will see notable ranters, including former Mayor Sam Sullivan obsessing over urban density, CBC personality Stephen Quinn with a bee in his bonnet about unenforced bylaws, and author Kevin Chong railing against Vancouver’s racial segregation.

Also sharing the stage will be an artist, an activist, an urbanist and ordinary citizens joined together in a public declaration of civic woe. To keep things from getting too dark and stormy, the museum has enlisted Scottish performance artist Adrian Howells to moderate the event as his alter ego, Adrienne.

If Vancouver is the tempestuous lover, then Howells is a relationship counsellor, Montgomery says, on hand to help ranters process their conflicted feelings and find cathartic release.

As an outsider, Howells is in the optimal position to mediate, Montgomery adds, noting the comedian has the advantage of an unbiased perspective and will hold ranters accountable for their own role in the city’s shortcomings.

“He brings no baggage with him. Just like any great counsellor, he’s going to give Vancouver a fair shake.”

Attendees can scrawl their submissions on the museum’s “rant wall” — a dark cousin to Vancouver’s riot wall, which bore messages of hope and goodwill after the 2011 Stanley Cup riot. Authors of particularly creative passages will be invited on stage. There also will be a live accordion dirge and hilarious gags from local bloggers Definitely Raining.

Aside from Vancouver’s self-inflicted civic issues, the event takes inspiration from one of the works in the museum’s current exhibit, Object(ing): The Art and Design of Tobias Wong. The Vancouver-born designer and artist left the city for New York, where he studied at the prestigious Cooper Union before embarking on a prolific career cut short by his death in 2010 at age 35.

“Like so many creative people, he felt he had to leave the city to succeed,” says Montgomery. Wong’s final creation before his sudden passing was a play on the LCD Soundsystem song New York I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down. The artist strung wooden beads on a giant pendant, which spelled out the song lyrics in Morse code.

“We’ve tried to honour him in many ways, and this is one,” Montgomery says. “He borrowed, begged, stole and manipulated other people’s work. So we’re kind of stealing his idea for an event.”

Doors to the ranters lounge open at 6 p.m. on Friday, with performances at 7 p.m. Tickets are $15 from museumofvancouver.ca.

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