A "mostly" humorous look at real events - short stories, satire, and the vagaries of life. Join me on the couch. The doctor is wacked, but in.
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine..." Proverbs 17:22a

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I’ve Been Fired (and other news)….

Well first up, I'm still fighting the ear thing. Thought it was a LOT better and then yesterday it flared up again. I think I have a tooth involved and that's where the problem is coming from. Everything that can be done has been done over the years for the tooth and there are no more root canal possibilities. Now they want to do an implant. Have you looked into implants? And I'm not talking the "uplifting" kind. They are about $2500 where I come from and insurance does not typically cover them. So, I'm pretty sure I won't be getting implants - of any kind. As the body falls apart I will just have to be content with tenants moving out or down to lower levels. And that's probably just as well cause the whole place is comin' down eventually anyway. If I can just keep 'em from posting a "Condemned" sign on me I'll be pretty happy.

I do thank you for all your amazing suggestions for the ear. Apparently the problem isn't my outer ear causing problems from the outside in, because it would seem that's now clear as a bell. (Speaking of which.....I wish someone would answer the ringing phone in there.) It's fluid behind my eardrum and frankly, I think my ear and tooth are in collusion against me. My fat stomach may have started the revolt by being revolting. And you know how bad attitudes spread and then soon everyone's on the band wagon. My body's ganging up against me.

Which would definitely go along with the family lately.

They have also decided to revolt and have fired me as the official Blockbuster Online movie selector. You see, here's the deal. I happen to love documentaries for a variety of reasons.

A. I like to learn and expand my base of knowledge.

2. I'm a history buff.

D. I find true stories fascinating.

9. I'm a homeschooling mom - I try to squeeze in education without anyone realizing.

I may have gone overboard. Through Blockbuster we can get three movies at a time. And I guess three documentaries arriving all at once is overkill. Who knew? I was thrilled. But, apparently, the potential for the "Entertainment Factor" is critically low in certain opinions. I insisted they were wrong. I lost and here's why: they were right.

Okay, in my own defense I honestly thought a movie about an avant-garde surfing family from the 60's-70's who homeschooled their nine children, the history of the Celts, and the self-filmed story of the guy who lived with the grizzly bears, would add to our knowledge of the world and enhance the richness thereof. And I like to use phrases like "enhance the richness thereof" because it sounds like I was born under the astrological sign of "Intelligent and Righteous," with "Lawyer" rising. But only to those who don't know me. The three mere mortals I live with are unimpressed. They know this phrase equals Run.For.Your.Life.She's.A.Nutcase.

We opened our viewing afternoon with the surfing family. I never checked the rating. It was a HOMEschool family. Naturally, I was surprised when I saw it was "R." I figured people they encountered may have used some harsh language, etc. We saw approximately twenty minutes of the whole movie and every time we stopped it was a mistake. The father was completely depraved and perverted in his social and family outlook and conversations, and the mother was his identical twin. The now-grown children were all permanently scarred. Only one of them seemed to look back fondly on their Stanford doctor/father abdicating his profession and hauling a family of eleven around the country in a camper on a truck. We tried to listen to what the grown children had to say about the good times they had surfing and competing, or how they survived, but the demented father or mother's face/voice would pop in and we would fast forward while simultaneously retching. Okay. Uh, I can offer no argument against THAT movie call, only prayers for the survivors, including us.

Next came "The History of the Celts” or something like that. Now, I slept through part of this so I found that to be a plus. The re-enactment was less than believable and the costuming was weak but, compared to the story line, those details were worthy of Academy Award nominations. Very disheartening as our homelands were represented and deserved so much more. It seemed excessively short to me since I only saw the fifteen minutes at the beginning and end but, strike two.

Finally, we fast-forwarded our way through "The Grizzly Man - The Historical Documentary of Timothy Treadwell - The Man Eaten By Grizzly Bears." I'm not sure that's the actual title but the man was so insufferably egotistical, narcissistic, and irritating you actually understand the bears' actions at the end of the movie. I felt desperately sorry for his girlfriend who he literally led right into the jaws of death, but we only got to see her once, briefly, in all the years he filmed, because it was his own face and words he prized so highly. He was completely imbecilic around the grizzlies and did far more harm than good for the protection of the species. I do not think the bears were hungry when they attacked him. I think they just couldn't listen to him one more second. I don't think he deserved to die for his foolishness but obviously, the bears disagreed with me.

And that's how I lost my job as the "Creator of the Queue." I don't get to line movies up anymore. Now people are looking over my shoulder and questioning me. I have no credibility. I can't even order any "American Experience" DVD's. And those are GREAT. No, really. Trust me!

I'd probably fire you too :)The ear thing sucks...my sinus infections always end up making my ears and teeth hurt so then it is hard to find the culprit...heres praying you get releif soon, it is definantly grating on the spirit after a while

I can just see everyone settling down on the sofa with a comfy pillow and fresh popcorn at the ready, and with eager anticipation slipping in the DVD....only to see its yet another documentary about the fascinating dietary habits of the remote tribes of Wahutuaxnaa.

Get the tooth pulled, sister! I fought and fought to keep one, and it wasn't worth the hassle. Now, when they say it'll cost $5000 to save it, or $100 to yank it, I always go for the yanking option.With the rest of me going south at an alarming rate, what's the point of having perfect pearly whites... when all people see is me tripping over my boobs anyway?

Hey, when I come to stay with you (oh, that sounds so stalker-ish, doesn't it?) I'll gladly let you choose the docos. And since I'll be a guest... ya know we'll get our way! We can even wear our stretchy pants!;-)

(btw.. an implant costs $5000+ here, so I could get my boobs done cheaper! thinkingthinkingthinking)

So sorry about your ear and your tooth. Been there, done that, feeling for you in a BIG way. Sending you my prayers for a very speedy recovery.

All this talk of documentaries reminded me that my husband used to always "punish" the kids and grand kids, by making them watch the History Channel. You would think that his would have spoiled their desire for anything historical...but it seems that it did just the opposite. I've got an 11 year old grandson, who loves to watch documentaries. Maybe I should send him to your house!

Could it be sinuses causing the ear AND the tooth pain? If you looked in my mouth you'd think I'd been a horse in a former life. The teeth I've had to pull... you could put a bit in there like they do the horses. Implants, I'd love them... but I'd have win the lottery.

You don't need Blockbuster when you've got us...

As for the bear guy... I wasn't surprised. Unfortunately he probably mislead too many others into thinking the grizzly bear is fun to visit and to play with...

This reminds me of way back 100 years ago when "Chariots of Fire" premiered on cable TV. I had friends over to watch. We all settled in with popcorn and drinks. I misread the TV guide. It was "Quest for Fire", a stupid movie about cavemen. ((duh)) No one was amused.

Red Vinegar, Vick's Salve, and Castor Oil! Remedies that was always pulled out by Mama for everything from a stumped toe,ear ache to the mumps.Rub it on, dob it on, swallow it,(yes Vick's salve rubbed on a screaming kid's throat does wonders,for the Mama and young-un!)put it in water and boil and hold a towel over your head and breath it in.Really though a little apple vinegar in some warm water and gargle with it, does really help sore throats and other ailments.

I'm through with country cures now.Hope you are feeling better.I won't mention the snuff on a wasp sting remedy!

Hi Robin - I can appreciate your comments on the body falling apart, just when you think you getting put back together another part goes out. Completely understand about the teeth thing, have a $3200 deal pending at the dentist but put in on hold until I can remember where I put that shoebox full of money I buried when I was six years old. Just remember we get a whole new package in heaven, where when I arrive will include long shoulder length blonde hair. Tootles!

I'm so judgmental ... I really need to step back ... my first response to seeing the pic of the camper where ALL THOSE KIDS lived and were "home-schooled" (cough, choke) was 'Idiot parents' -you can call it a rose, but it doesn't mean it's gonna smell the same.And then (sorry) IDIOT again on that guy that lived with the bears. I saw a thing on that sometime back ...what a MISGUIDED egomaniacal person.(sighhh)... okay, there I go.I feel better now.*p.s. Hope you get feeling better soon.

I have an appointment next week for implants! Way back when I was married, I had 5 teeth pulled and braces put on. A year into my two year treatment things got ugly on the marital front and I began hording cash for an escape/divorce so the ortho visits stopped. Needless to say, it is now five and a half years into my two year treatment..... Soooooo, my teeth are not good, need to get the braces OFF but what about the spaces???? "IMPLANTS!" suggested my beloved. Not looking forward to it at all. We will see.....

Maybe after the procedure when I am all swollen and laid up, you can suggest some interesting dvd's -I love a good documentary!

Ok, you would be fired at my house too. But, sometimes getting fired isn't a bad thing.

Your ear/tooth problem. Have you tried lemon juice? It is horrible but worth it. You need to take a tsp or so of lemon juice and hold it in your mouth around the tooth as long as possible and the spit it out. Bric has a problem once and his whole jaw swelled up. THe lemon juice draws it out...if'n ya can stand it. Oh, and you are supposed to do it several times throughout the day. I can't really remember all the exact specifications and my Grandmother is no longer alive to call and ask.

Robynn.I LOVE you.I've been a fairly steady reader of your blog, but this one was TRULY good medicine (Proverbs 17 lived out). Have had a crappy month, and want to thank you sending me to the floor rolling with laughter. Hope your ear/tooth thing gets resolved and if you opt for the bewwb thing, sign me up for whatever you're willing to donate.

The movie thing is rather funny, but I have to say I'm on the other side!!! :0)but then I've been told I have a very strange taste when it comes to movies!

Sorry about your teeth, ears etc., had a similar thing happen to me years ago...not pleasant. The dentist couldn't do a regular root canal so I had a laser root canal done and everything is fine.cheers

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I am a deadbeat blogger who has been absent for almost three years after posting over 300 blog posts. Now, I have the audacity to think anyone is still out there. But if you are, I'll try to start posting again at least once every three years. And I'm committed to that.