Effing the ineffable in the cricket world

October 22, 2007

Australians... If You Lick Them, You Hallucinate!

Comedian Louis CK used to have a bit in his stand-up about racism,
in which he wondered:

"Why can’t we
have racism that’s ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are
positive about race. You could say, 'Those Chinese people, they can fly!,' or 'You
know about the Puerto Ricans… they’re made of candy!'"

I've thought of that while following the recent 'monkey chant' controversy regarding Andrew Symonds. It's not so much that the people in the crowd who did it are bigoted, it's that they're hacks. C'mon, it's 2007... and monkey chants are the best you have? They were doing that in the '50s, for godssake. If you're going to be the designated Angry Player-Abuser in the crowd, at least get yourself some fresh material.

It's like Michael 'Kramer' Richards' yelling "nigger" at a pair of hecklers in one of his shows last year. It was sad more than anything -- proof of a tragic dearth of spark and originality in his work, rather than actual bigotry. The taboo language comes out because it's the only thing left to reach for; the only way to keep the spotlight on you; because there's no comeback left, no witty put-down to lean back on. You're out of shit, and you know it.

So the monkey chant comes out. Just like it did in the second Test between South Africa and Pakistan, and in South Africa's tour of Australia last year. And just like it will come out in the future, when some pandering assclown in the crowd gets sloppy-drunk too quickly and uses up his quota of effective Ya wanker, and You're a cunt! too early in the match, so he's forced to reach into the pantomime bag for the monkey material to top himself. If the media treated it like they do streakers and just ignored it, it would go away in a few weeks. Now all they're doing is building up the issue and fueling the copycat effect in future series.

(We'll ignore the underlying irony, which I'm sure was lost on the offending crowd members, of a bunch of stadium rubes -- who usually tend to have a very unevolved look about them, all hairy-backed and scraped-knuckled -- taunting Andrew Symonds, about as close to an athletic Übermensch as the cricket world has ever seen.)