Hope It's the right thing to do.

I have been married for 11 years. they have been so awesome and I feel like so many things in my life make me happy. 2 kids that make me feel like a dad everyday. I credit it to being blessed. Thank you again. Everything in my life is great. Except the relationship with my wife. She has stolen money from me, my family (A quick note you can call your credit cards and tell them not to mail any transfer check at any time and get the mail yourself too) and cheated on me 2 time that I know of. she was diagnosed with bipolar by an MD and put on meds. we have counseled for over 3 years and she continues to put everyone else before me and the family its like she has to please anyone and everyone else. Not coming home from work for hours after she got off. Deleting messages and who she calls on the cell phone 1700 minutes . Lying about just about anything. We have had long talks about this and how she acts. she says she just can't stop it and I need to find someone better. Is this Bipolar or did she not go though a stage growing up that would have helped help her deal with sin or right and wrong? I can't deal with the deceitfulness and infidelity and I have filed for divorce. It is not what I really want. It is going to break my kidz hearts. They are 7 and 5. I Really want my wife back. I know for better or worse but I can not stand feeling like a fool anymore. If you have been though this and divorced. I just want to know that everything will be OK. But all comments are welcome. There is a ton more detail to the story but it would not be fair to either of us to go into detail where everyone can see it. K-love keeps me sane and focused on my kids.

been there, done that. I too have a wife with BP. We have now been married for 22 years.
!st, it is a 2 way street. She input into the marriage and so do you.
2nd, therpy can help but it's not 100%.
3rd, each person out there can only take so much.

The main reason i stayed with my wife is love. I just loved her. I still do by the way.
There were certian items that i had to put my FOOT down on. There were conditions to us staying together. Most have been lived up to.
Allow me to give some of the items we still have to endure:
Check book, I have mine and she has hers
Credit card, She currently has none.
Cell phone, she has one but, (Praise the LORD!) she hates talking on the phone. She has elements of ocd too.
My wife is disabled from this illness. So work is just not an issue. It was in the begaining, there were she had her affair. The work is gone and so when the affair.
Lastly, there are person to person support groups out there. I mean for the family member of some one who has a mental illness. Find one in your local area. They in part help to save my marraige.

Hi....I have a daughter who has recently been diagnosed Bipolar and if I could give you a perspective from the behavioral aspects it may help you to better understand the behavioral aspects of the disorder.

My daughter has grown up with much love and a great family life. Her dad and I were very much involved in her life supported her gifts and talents by enrolling her in dance, music, voice lessons, soccer, karate and attending every single concert or game or tournament that she was part of. We went to church each Sunday making Sundays family days.....got involvend in everything....I was her Girl Scout co-leader and taught her religious education classes for over 8 years until Confirmation level.

Last year things changed so severely.....she was lying to us and when confronted made excuses often blaming us for her behavior. She started self harming and had 3 suicide attempts. She manipulated us and got mad whenever she couldn't get her way. She stole money from my wallet denying that too....she ran away twice and started hanging out with the wrong type of kids. Her good friends, teachers and everybody who knew her were alarmed at the changes that took place. She shoplifted while shopping with me over $400 worth of merchandise and was arrested. She broke her probation and hung out with kids who she wasn't suppose to. She had boys on her mind 24/7 and there were IM's she saved that were sexually eplicit. She snuck over to a boys house when she was suppose to be at school for extra help. And she snuck a boy into her room at night that she barely new and had sex with him. She had 4 hospitalizations within 4 months and finally she was diagnosed and put on the proper meds which are significantly helping. Did I think that my daughter was ever capable of doing such things???? Not at all.....I watched the Bipolar wrap it's ugly hand around her and almost strangle the life out of her and thank God we were able to identify what it was that was affecting her life in such a way and how we could make things better. It was nothing short of a nightmare and I thank God everyday that we are finally getting the help that we need. Looking back on last year as compared to this one we have come a long way....but we do have a ways to go as well.

So.....I am here to tell you that yes Bipolar can and often does cause such ***zare behaviors that we would never think capable of our loved ones. In my daughter's case it was when they put her on antidepressants that this behavior worstened. I am wondering if your wife may be experiencing much of the same.....if she is Bipolar and is only being treated by an antidepressant it could throw her into a full manic episode in which behavior just as your wife has demonstrated will be exhibited. And it IS very much out of her control......until she is properly treated and stabilized. Finding the right med combo takes time sometimes years.

It sounds as if you and your wife have a lot of good years behind you and as you say, you have been blessed. My advice would be to read up as much as you can about Bipolar so that you can understand what is and what is not in your wife's control. If she is willing to accept the help that she needs she will be able to get better, however, she will most likely never be the same as when you first married her. It is not her fault or yours that this has happened.....the bipolar was genetically there lying dormant to be triggered at any moment in her life and it is an illness that requires the treatment as any other illness would and needs the same support as someone would need if they were to have cancer or suddenly go blind.....the person is still the one you loved but will never be the same.

The only bad side of this whole entire illness is how it is manifested.....it doesn't come out in the form of a lump or seen in blood work....it comes out in one's overall behavior because the organ it affects is the brain which is the most complex organ in our bodies. It is a chemical imbalance that cannot be seen and that does not have one particular treatment that fits all. In order to find the right treatment it will involve trial and errors with many different meds in order to find the best solution as well as conjunctive therapy to work through behaviors that can be controlled.. And it takes alot of physical, emotional and mental support from our loved ones......alot more than any other particular illness would take.

It is your decision in the end whether you are going to be able to be there for you wife through the long haul. If she is not yet stabilized and is open to the help that is being given to her then I personally think that you should do everything in your power to try to learn and educate yourself about this disorder. Once you do then you will be more able to make a decision as to what you can or cannot do in terms of your marriage. The more you know the better you will be able to help support her and know what you can do to get the life back that you want with your wife. It won't be easy but with alot of love and perserverence anything is possible especially if we see the blessings that we have in life.

It is imperative that you take good care of yourself and your children too. And it looks as if you are somebody who will.

I hope that this helps you see things from the perspective of somebody who loves somebody who is Bipolar. It is not easy all of the time but with love and commitment we are able to get through.

Thank you so much for the feed back both mudhound and goody. of course I will read it a couple times. thanks again. Like I said I have tried for 3 years now to better understand her and her condition and working on being a better listener. I have had a very hard time setting boundaries with her she would get mad and make me feel guilty every time I would try. At times I feel she is a completely different person when I am not around. Drinking with her friends and I am not a drinker, she never used too. I have seen other posts where they talk like this starts after having kids is that true? Itís like our life is not exciting enough for her or at least not anymore. She has ran credit cards up so high that we canít really do anything like vacation. I feel this is something my kidz need to experience as kids. She has gotten her own mail box and I am afraid she will start with the credit cards again, that is one of the main reasons I am filing. To protect the rest of the family. Also trust I just donít know when someone will sweet talk her again. I go on Tue. 31st For a hearing to get temporary child custody and child support. She is not happy with me but how will my kid grow up being around and seeing her behavior all the time. I am still looking for someone who has divorced and how they are doing preferable with kids. Feel free to add anything else though.
TT

I do know how you feel,I am sorry to say. I have been married longer than you. The man I married woke up at 40 with a totally diferent view of me and our 3 kids! We lost 2 bussiness ,he drank and ran around like he was 16 again! I tried to protect our kids by covering as much as I could but they knew some of what was going on. Finally he totally self-destructed and began to look at his illness. We have been in couseling together and apart. After years of this lifestyle he has finally started to'GET IT' and is taking much better care of himself. Our kids are grown up,remarkably ok,however they have been hurt and disappointed alot.I am still with him but our marrige,or whats left of it is a wreck. I am afarid to say what I think because he might go off the deep end If he knew how angry and frustrated I still am. If I had it to do all over again I dont think I would have stayed. I am trying to be supportive for his sake but I feel like I have to do it all and be all and I am really tired of this role. I do try to take care of myself and I have my own bussiness which I love. Watch out not to loose yourself and wake up later on down the line not kowing who you are! Good luck and take care of your self and your precious children

Thank you so much for the feed back both mudhound and goody. of course I will read it a couple times. thanks again. Like I said I have tried for 3 years now to better understand her and her condition and working on being a better listener. I have had a very hard time setting boundaries with her she would get mad and make me feel guilty every time I would try. At times I feel she is a completely different person when I am not around. Drinking with her friends and I am not a drinker, she never used too. I have seen other posts where they talk like this starts after having kids is that true? Itís like our life is not exciting enough for her or at least not anymore. She has ran credit cards up so high that we canít really do anything like vacation. I feel this is something my kidz need to experience as kids. She has gotten her own mail box and I am afraid she will start with the credit cards again, that is one of the main reasons I am filing. To protect the rest of the family. Also trust I just donít know when someone will sweet talk her again. I go on Tue. 31st For a hearing to get temporary child custody and child support. She is not happy with me but how will my kid grow up being around and seeing her behavior all the time. I am still looking for someone who has divorced and how they are doing preferable with kids. Feel free to add anything else though.
TT