This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. To order presentation-ready copies of Toronto Star content for distribution to colleagues, clients or customers, or inquire about permissions/licensing, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com

Spanking has become taboo since I was a child, even more so than circumcision, piercing infant girls’ ears and feeding babies formula.

Popcorn and Sweet Pea are only three months old, so we have not reached the disciplinary stage of life yet. They can’t be scolded for screaming through the night, vomiting in my wife’s hair or pooping in my hand.

I don’t intend to spank our children. Spanking is rightfully no longer acceptable, but let’s not rush to pat ourselves on the collective back.

Some of the psychological tactics I see parents use are far more damaging than a few solid slaps on the derrière; the silent treatment, for instance, or publicly belittling a child.

Since becoming a dad, I’ve talked to a lot of parents about parenting and have been surprised to hear many admit to almost being driven to the point of doing something they regret.

Article Continued Below

It was the mothers’ admissions that surprised me the most. Some needed to close the door, go to another part of the house, and scream as loudly as they could.

A couple of young mothers admitted to a spank or two when their toddlers were misbehaving. It was a swift slap to a diapered bottom. No harm done. Message sent.

Except the child, suddenly filled with shame, started bawling and then the parent, filled with guilt, showered their child with hugs and kisses.

I have had a taste of the dire frustration and exhaustion parents feel and appreciated the candour of these moms. It’s important parents talk about their frustrations and limitations.

To be honest, I’m not sure how I’ll react when faced with two screaming, misbehaving 2-year-olds at the end of a long day. I have a lot to learn about the most effective ways to defuse such situations and am open to suggestions.

I also need to develop my authoritative “dad voice.”

My Dad has one. And he also spanked. Not a lot, but it happened. Less to me, because, as the youngest of three boys, I watched my brothers make mistakes and learned not to repeat theirs.

But sometimes, whose mistake it was didn’t matter. A story in our family lore goes something like this.

We were driving, circa 1969, on a Michigan highway to visit our grandparents — I think it was the time we watched the moon landing on their colour TV.

It was about 30C, humid and there was no air conditioning in our Ford station wagon.

My parents were in front, I was in the middle seat, a 3-year-old minding my own business, and my two older brothers, Jim, 8 and Craig, 5, were in the rear, side-facing rumble seats playing with green plastic soldiers.

There was also a fire extinguisher.

Jim dared Craig to pull the handle. Craig thought he could squeeze gently, so only a little came out.

You know this isn’t going to end well.

The sticky car was suddenly a snow globe of white powder. The tires skidded to a stop on the gravel shoulder and Dad hauled all three of us out of the car. Jim and Craig were administered some Old Testament roadside punishment.

Then Dad turned to me. Whoa. I did not see this coming.

“Hey, I didn’t do anything,” I pleaded as he grabbed my arm.

Dad was judge and jury and he didn’t care.

“Let this be a lesson. Be careful who you associate with,” he growled before taking aim at my butt.

As if I had a choice.

I was more traumatized by my Dad’s anger than the pain of the spanking.

Neither affected Jim, however. When we hit the road again, playtime resumed as quickly as it had been interrupted and he whispered to Craig, “OK, all the soldiers with white on them are dead.”

Late in the Game appears every second Monday. Scott Colby can be reached at scolby@thestar.ca.

More from the Toronto Star & Partners

LOADING

Copyright owned or licensed by Toronto Star Newspapers Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or distribution of this content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Toronto Star Newspapers Limited and/or its licensors. To order copies of Toronto Star articles, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com