Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I consider Boogie Nights to be one of the coolest films on God’s green earth. I love it. I lurve it. I want to move out to the suburbs with it and marry it. In fact…

How do I love this movie? Let me count the ways:

The scene at the beginning where Marky Mark (I refuse to call him Mark Wahlberg) rolls off his girlfriend (who turns out to be—holy shit—TINA from THE LWORD!!!) who fires up a joint and proceeds to tell him how much she loves his wiener.

The part where Rollergirl finally snaps and beats the holy hell out of the asshole guy who taunted her in high school.

Scotty (Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who fucking rocks) and his creepily adorable crush on Marky Mark (most notably the part where he goes all slack-jawed at the sight of the Dirkster sunning himself by the pool while Hot Chocolate’s “You Sexy Thing” plays on the soundtrack; also the Corvette scene where Scotty begs Dirk, “Can I kiss you on the mouth just once?” Awesome).

Dirk Diggler screaming “You’re not the king of Dirk!” and Burt Reynolds having to be physically restrained from kicking his manwhore ass.

The following exchange between the creepy porn star with the bad hair and Burt Reynolds:

CPS: “Is he gonna fuck me in the ass?”

BR: “Is that what you want?”

CPS: “It would be nice.”

BR: (wearily) “Okay, fuck her in the ass.”

Alfred Molina busting a nut (figuratively) over his love for the song “Sister Christian.”

Dirk Diggler quietly losing his shit during the drug deal.

Amber Waves snorting a line of coke and eyeing Marky Mark as “Oh What a Lonely Boy” plays on the soundtrack.