Now that I've got some of these writing deadlines behind me (go read my Persona 5 review and this cute cat story I did for Sword and Kettle Press! Also, I've got a submission in for this anthology about tricksters so send me your Dragon Ball Z energy if at all possible!) we can finally focus on what's important in life: a podcast about a canceled TV show that a confirmed 10(-ish) people listen to! REVENGE CAST REVENGE CAST REVENGE CAST What is there to say about Revenge, the show where maladaptive, underpaid mutants scuttle from beneath the floorboards to perform menial tasks for the scornful rich while we're forced to ignore our own comparative plight and instead root for the scornful rich who appear to have some sort of emotional principles, if not socioeconomic ones. Wait am I talking about TV .........OR REAL LIFE??? (Black Mirror Season 4 Coming Soon) No, in this case I'm definitely talking about TV.... or at least our sketchy interpretation thereof! Revenge Season 3 is definitely coming to middle, by which I mean a literal middle, by which I mean this is all build from next week's mid-season finale which, if you'll recall the season's in media res opener, ends with Things Going Perfectly And Exactly As Planned. So before that we got a lot of ducks to get in order! Like, for example, Lydia Davis is not only STILL alive, she's throwing all the fancy dresses off Victoria's balcony (Graz would write "cupola" but I have standards and refuse to cotton to the vocabulary of the rich). Unfortunately, though Lydia proves she isn't above causing a ruckus--and she does get one super-good dress/poor people/servant burn in despite concrete-heavy stares of Societal Disapproval brought forth by the combined might of Victoria and Emily (ship name in this instance: Vicily)--she's also all too willing to prove she isn't above proving how dumb she is, which is a lot. It's a lot dumb. Or it's less than she's dumb than she Just Doesn't Get It. In fact, among all characters who Just Doesn't Get It, I'm hard pressed to think of another who Just Doesn't Get It quite on Lydia's level--except for Margaux, I guess. But seriously who cares about Margaux?? Well, Jack for one! He's really afraid that she's going to get murdered if he keeps liking her. But gosh darnit he can't just stop liking her so he asks Nolan to hack her computer instead (this is a solution???) Of course, Nolan interprets that as "mack" her--or at least I assume that's why because otherwise why would he flounce around in her office waving flowers and working his Trademark Nolan Ross Charm (tm) otherwise? Look, EVERYONE GET READY TO GIRD THOSE LOINS. Emily certainly is, because she's PREGGGNUUUUUNNNNTT---AAAHHHHHH!😝😝😝😝😝😝 Only she's actually NOT pregnant so in reality she's girding those loins all the way to the fake pregnancy bank, because a real pregnancy back would be like "uhhh ma'am, I'm not in the business of calling pregnant women liars, but in this instance that's okay because I can definitively state you are lying about being pregnant, and therefore you're not technically a pregnant woman... But you are a liar." At which point the whole house of cards pretty much collapses, Danny runs off to wed (and potentially re-paralyze) the lovely (if hapless) Sara Caramello-BabyRuth-Rollo-CharlestonChew and live a idyllic existence free of Emily and also Emily lies. WHICH IS A HUGE PROBLEM FOR EMILY WHO'S KIND OF COUNTING ON THOSE LIES ATM. But it's all cool, man! Always Grace Under Fire, Emily dodges the pregnancy bank appointment with a little insider tip to the paparazzi, which has the fringe benefit of giving her yet another opportunity to stick the blame on Victoria (note #1 on Emily's Pinterest board: ASTBOV, in lovely calligraphy (or maybe needlepoint?)), turn Danny against her, turn Charlotte towards Emily (but don't let her bring your baby near those toxic chemicals, Ems, because sometimes Auntie Charlotte gets to smiling like a weird creepy mom in a Junji Ito comic when it comes to mani-pedis, and the nieces and nephews who deserve them), shoot guns while wearing Victoria's jewelry as part of this insanely convoluted plan (hey whatever happened to planting the gun in the trunk and taking the dead guy you murdered six episodes out of a freezer and planting HIM somewhere too?) I don't know. I'm not a Revenger by trade so maybe I don't get it--it just feels like we're so far deep in the Revenge Artistry weeds that I'm not even sure if Victoria's fate represents an actual ironic comeuppance or not? And usually this stuff is pretty obvious, y'know? Oh well, no big deal! Now that Aiden has guided you through the Honorable Japanese Pre-Battle Sake Ritual, with the carafe you stole from Benihana, in your all-purposeRoom Of Many Glowing Candles At Different Elevations, which you ripped off from the Ikea next door to the Benihana (and somehow neither of you said the word samurai like come on??), we all know The Plan will definitely go off without a hitch considering we definitely haven't already seen how this ends with you definitely getting shot in the GD tummy and falling off a boat! SURRENDER. SURRENDER. BUT DON'T LISTEN TO REVENGECAST ALL DAYYYYYY (because it's not even that long!) Topics for Consideration:

The Trials of BabyBoy Grayson Cute As A French "Buttone" The Martha Flaps Doctor Burt RealDoctorRoss, The Doctor of Cable (and also Stage Magic) SkyMall's Ethical Standards DPP vs. SPPP, And Other Questions Good Folk Darest Not Ask Target Status:

Iiiiiiit's Revengecast, the only show people on the internet are calling Very Interesting Coz It'sLit (...aka, V.I.C.I.!) Why, you ask? Well I don't know, because maybe like WHAT OTHER PODCAST on the internet is currently hitting you with this hard humor about how rich people have sex on top of Ronald Regan's dead body?? Not 99% Invisible, that's for damn sure! HOLY CRAP, THERE'S SO MUCH HEAT IN THIS EPISODE THE HAMPTONS ARE PRACTICALLY ON FIRE. Which makes sense, because it takes place in the middle of the summer! But we're also talking in the allegorical sense, like how Danny's little Danny (or: Lil' Danno) is going buck wild over renewed opportunity to have much sex with a poor woman whose life (and spine) he recently ruined. Topically, Victoria is also heating up, and I don't mean menopause! I mean the heat where she's like "My master plan absolutely requires this poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks fucks my dumb son." Wow Vickers, growing up as a robot in an upper-middle class inventor's closet didn't do you no ethical favors, huh?? Also it's gross to have a wedding shower where people come out and thank a rich guy for breaking their ankles during sports, there I said it! But look, whatever might happen in this episode (and a great deal of it centers around 3x3 tiled mock-ups of internet shopping that'd be more at home on a late-90s Saturday afternoon Sci-Fi Original Pictures movie), nothing is more important than the climax we basically started Revengecast for, and I could tell you about it, but you know what they say, a picture is worth like a whole shitload of words. So let's post said picture and I'll leave this summary at that: ... ....... ........... .................... WAIT NO I WON'T. Because, finally, we have the ever-present (albeit fairly lukewarm) metaphysical heat of Margaux "The Margaux" LeMargaux popping the collar of her Investigative Trenchcoat and delving into the bowels of things thing that is apparently a case and/or scandal to meet in secret(cy???) with the only person who's got a pair of she-wolf balls big enough to blow this whole town wide open!! (also I know Zoolandia isn't by Pixar now but it's kinda six of one for me so stay outta my mentions about it; honestly I'm more embarrassed I got the 48 Rules of Power wrong) 🎉😻REVENGE CATS🎉😻REVENGE CATS🎉😻REVENGE CATS🎉😻REVENGE CATS🎉😻 Topics for Consideration:

It's time for the Downtown Nemuru Ultimate Anime Sleepytime Challenge: Winter 2017 Edition! Hold onto your seats, because it's time for a life or death struggle where Graziella's mettle is put to the absolute test as she wends and winds a labyrinthine of real and user-submitted anime titles in an quest to determine the very essence of Reality and Falsehood! This time, we've refined our strategies and learned from past mistakes. We hit her hard, we hit her fast, and we hit her when she's her most vulnerable (ie: "sleepy"). With The Graziellian Menace on the ropes, it's gonna be a nail-biter of a finish either way, and we still have no idea whether or not it's time to meet the anime-chans??? ;_; Thanks to everyone who submitted their fake anime titles, including Jo, whose company put out this cute visual novel about like tiny princes and dragon wimpy princes--Rose of Winter--you might've seen us play on our last 24-hour stream! Also, don't blame me for spoiling Fuuka for you because I gave you like ten warnings. If you don't want Fuuka ruined, turn it off when you hear the Diva of the Battlefield (?!Prailine a la Mode!?) embark upon her dulcet croon!

Don't mean't to scare you, Ems, but there's a new sheriff in town and her name is BIZZY PRESTON. I guess? Or like maybe it's spelled Bissy...? Either way, IT'S REVENGECAST #NONOTESEDITION!!!! You couldn't paint a prettier picture of the Hamptons in mid-summer. July 4th is just around the corner and what do rich people enjoy celebrating more than things were going swimmingly (like literally, because they were in the ocean (okay but technically i guess they were on a raft)) until that Bismuth B Preston, PR Flack To The Stars, showed up on their doorstep with a publicity plan, a suitcase, and a dream (and a large advance on a colossal invoice). Now it's like all we talk about is "reputation," and "how to reform the Grayson name," and "you kids wouldn't lie to me behind my back about having emotional affairs with poor ex-girlfriends whose chance at a peaceful, productive life was shattered directly by you (much like their spine) over one fateful night and a fifth of Banker's Club," right? Right? You know what they say. You can't spell "business" without "bizzy," and the Graysons paid for the only Bizzy in town and if that doesn't also round up to the best Bizzy in town then I'll eat my hat! Only problem is (aside from the part where Bizzy seems supremely bad at her job): a certain Buzzard Prusten has history with a certain Archibald J. Nolan "Nolz" Nolan The Third. And by "history" I mean a "traumatic and public tabloid outing that rent wide the rift between him and his homophobic father once and for all (just when I was about to bridge it with money, Ems; just when I was about to buy my poor father's love back with all my new money. ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_;) Here's what's really real: I just don't buy Nolan pining for an abusive father that abandoned him except for the fact that Nolan is so incredibly lonely. So, in that sense, the pieces do really fit. In a different sense, once you create a sex dolphin robot and imbue it with a human soul created through mad alchemy--like, quite frankly... Hey, I dunno. Maybe that's fine. Maybe that's normal. I can't presume to say. It's reasonable to say that NolzOne, locked up in the Basement's Basement, and being a real pill about it, isn't holding up his end of the bargain. Emily certainly isn't!! All she cares about is Revenge! And, like, it's one of those things where your friend gets really really into something and you're kinda like "it's cool I guess..."but she's like it's not """coool""" it's called Revenge and um actually??? It's super great? So get on my level, put on the Google Glass, and start Revenging before I officially dissolve this friendship just like your dad did. In this episode of Revengecast, aside from Bizzy Bs and their propensity for "readers," I'm not sure of a whole heck of a lot of merit actually happened. Like I guess it's fair to say that Victoria maybe spent a little too much time Pouncing on Peas to really get any substantive Burn Work done; then again, in that sense we used to say about games like Gigawing, "it's the slow bullet that kills," and I haven't seen a slower bullet than Sarah J. Cupcakes in about an age. I guess it's fair to say that Aiden was excommunicated from the Hamptons (again (again again?)) I guess, you might think, it's also fair to say that a Macaron is not a Macaroon (though it is, perhaps, a "Jackaroon"), but we've all been down that rabbit hole before (and somehow that, plus all his other nebulously terrible characteristics) didn't prevent Jack Porter from getting laid by the Total Wash Of Charisma that is Magaux Lemarchal, whose casually tousled hair is, and will remain for some time, a thing to behold. AAAH. WE FORGOT TO MENTION HOW VICTORIA SENDS AIDEN OFF WITH A INDEPENDENCE DAY BURN. THAT'S WHAT WE DID. THAT'S WHAT WE FORGOT FORGOT. Topics for Consideration:

STICKY PISTOL Grayson Family Compote Do Bleckards Dream Of Electronic Sheep What Happened To Nemo?? Mme. Bex Delacroix-Taylor-Kreuz The Hunger Games but Kanzaki Nao

Evan and David sit down to rattle off their favorite anime, manga, and games of 2016, but this time they've got some help from two fellow podcasters: Dave Riley and Joel White from Dave & Joel's Fast Karate for the Gentleman! Tackling anime first, then manga, then games, the four hosts cover everything from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure to Overwatch as they celebrate a year of some pretty good nerd stuff. Topics include: log leg envy, weighted bra straps, and midnight kara-age. Slight spoiler warnings for Erased, JoJo's, and And Yet the Town Moves.

Zac, Dave and Graz from Fast Karate for the Gentlemen and our own Dustin Bailey run down the best games they played in 2016, the Nintendo Switch and 2017's biggest games! The Last Guardian, Overwatch, Final Fantasy XV and much more!

OKAY SO. I respect you enough to lie to you (at least not completely) so I'm gonna be real as I can when I say that the Final Fantasy 14 patch came out today and I want to do some dungeons, and besides, I'm tried of working with this file because the audio is crappy at points and got all crackly with the sibilance and is that like maybe an error with the sample rate causing these artefacts and does it also have something to do with the fact that the source WAV file is a few minutes shorter inside of Audition than when I just load it up in VLC? Moving on, don't you think I would've learned some of these things in the past decade? Doesn't it make you reflect on what you're doing with your life??? ANYWAY, PARTS OF THIS SOUND NOT SO GREAT. I hope that doesn't detract too much from our sassy talk about NPR Podcasts, Strictly Far Too Close Filial Relationships, Bad News Beach Surveys, and Someone (Probably) Named Sarah in this episode of Revenge where you feel like a lot happened, but reflecting on it you're like "did it?" At the same time, you have to wonder "is that because we didn't go a good job painting our word tapestry?" But that road really just leads to self-doubt, so to stave it off we huff deeply of the perfumes that make up Nolan's budding (and I do mean budding, like a bug or a fungus) sex life with Patrick (because it involves bugs and maybe also fungus) and the gross potentiality of Danny having an affair with someone who Isn't Like Other Girls because she Drinks Beer and Is Working Class. Which I suppose is nothing new for the people who brought you Jack Porter and also Declan Porter and also Carl Porter and also Their Friend Matt (or was it Mike?) and we finally, finally, finally get the first official meeting of THE SOCIETY FOR THE FRIENDS OF ARMALARM (SANS AIDEN, SO I GUESS NOT REALLY, BUT GIVE IT TIME) But really, I guess, the Mother/Son relationship that veers a little too close to an Arrested-Development-Gag-But-Played-Straight has got NOTHINS on the part where Conrad's real estate broker makes a super bad pun about sex when she says "I love a good master." And I kind of feel like it's sad in that way where it's like "is this just how old people are depicted as flirting on TV or is this the fate we're all doomed for? And who do I ask? And how do I cope when they tell me I'm already there?" Hey look, it's been a hard 2017. But it's about to get better! Because, now that I've got that out the gate, I'm off for some of dat: We'll do better next time! (...proportionately...?) Topics for Consideration:

Join us, your friends from the internet, in a questioncast! If you'd like to be on the next one, send your question to questions@bossdoors.tv! If you'd like there to actually be a next one, share this around so more people will listen to it and we'll actually get questions!