Our Weekly Pun-Off, with Apologies to the Beatles Song Catalog

Every Friday, Vanity Fair digital design editor Hamish Robertson and VF Daily blogger Juli Weiner will duel to determine whose wordplay is of the highest order. Each will take turns crafting puns relating to a pre-assigned topic. This week, VF.com associate editor Sarah Ball will judge their bons mots and select a winner. Her comments appear in red italics after each dueler’s offering.

The pun is mightier than the sword, ladies and gentlemen—what follows is not for the faint of heart.

The topic: former Beatle Paul McCartney is engaged to Nancy Shevell, a member of the board of New York City’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority, the hapless, widely hated public agency responsible for running the city’s subway system, among other things.

Duelers, at two swords’ length ...Juli: He’s got a $104 Metrocard to ride

I’m going to say it upfront: I will be doling out demerits for crowding too many syllables into the lyrical flow of the original songs.

Hamish: Band on the pun

Cute! But is merely saying “pun” the same thing as actually creating a pun? I think not.

Juli: He’s going to put a ringo on her finger

Low-hanging fruit. Up your ante, Weiner.

Hamish: Why don’t they do it on the R?

Veddy well done. Favorite so far!

Juli: The fab 4 train

Another strong one—train names have surprisingly deep punnability.

Hamish: Straphanging Feels Forever

O.K., Brit-wit. But we don’t straphang in the States. [Yes they do!—Ed.]