In one email group I belong they are discussing a question that basically boils down to the question above. I have been thinking about that for a time.

I could list all the roles I have had thrust upon me. Some are not as comfortable as others. I could define myself by the groups and friends I have. That would be a tempting definition to me -- I don't let them get close, but I do know an amazing number of extraordinary people who I call friends in the "swing dance group," and several I would like to be friends with in A's group. I have been identifying myself with my (lack of) accomplishments lately. I suppose I could even define myself in terms of the emotions I have predominately been feeling lately. Perhaps my personality? I know very well how malleable a personality can be due to disease, drugs, and a thousand other factors. I won't fall into the trap of defining myself that way. How about the cliche that a person's ineffable soul is who they are? That's a nice copout; Who we are is indefinable and so can't be put into words. Hmm, I just reread an old private entry that I am changing to friends only instead. In that entry I define myself as my journal toward the end of my rambling. I do get comfort from thinking that someone may read this collection of words after I am no longer around and get a sense of who I was, perhaps even somehow unlock the private entries I've made here. But, am I somehow capturing my very essence in this journal? Yeah, that sounds corny to me too.

I have no answers, and I suspect that the cliche/copout soul answer may be true (or the most palatable one anyway). There are only two things I know for sure. First by a number of the possible definitions above, I downright hate myself. Second and strangely, I have also noticed that I am starting to be more comfortable in my own skin too.

My journal shows who I am...if you know me in person, interaction with me shows it. The best way for me to describe myself is to reference those things about me that shape the path of my life. That includes some history, some intrinsic qualities, those ideals and ideas which I hold dear and have held dear over time, and some description of the people who are/have been important in my life.

I do think you know, really, the changes in your life that you need to make...you simply need to find the will to make them. It is my ongoing wish for you that you will. :)