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All By Ourselves

My husband and older son are leaving tomorrow morning for NJ for 5 days so that our son can be the ring bearer in a wedding. My husband’s entire family is on the east coast and we haven’t been back since our now 6 year old was 2 1/2. This trip has been more than a year in the making. It was a l-o-n-g engagement.

I have a lot of anxiety surrounding their leaving. First, I have an inordinate fear of flying, as in will not get on a plane, so I have an underlying worry that something catastrophic will happen to them. Second, I worry about the supervision of my son once there. My BIL is a cop and he is raising my almost 4 year old nephew in a far different vein than we are raising our boys. My nephew has a snow mobile, an ATV, a mini ride-on motorcycle, and a jeep. My SIL just posted a video of my nephew doing donuts in his jeep. My husband has the same sensibilities that I do and we are completely on the same page, but, you know, shit happens, especially in a group. Third, this will be the longest I’ve ever been away from our older son in his young life. I will miss him. Fourth, and most importantly, Baby G and I will be on our own, day in and day out, for 5 full days.

Even though I am home all day with Baby G now, my husband often comes home for lunch and I will sometimes use the time to take a shower or run an errand or two. And, my husband does the very important 11PM feeding (the one we added in an effort to eliminate both the 1:30 and 4:30 feedings and that has worked like a charm). What that has meant, practically, though, is that my husband also puts baby down at 7 and then is ‘on’ from 7-11 (popping the paci back in, waking and feeding baby before bringing him in to me for the rest of the night). I usually pass out go to bed by 9 as the best, most uninterrupted sleep I get is from then until my son comes to bed with me (and I take over popping in the paci, shhhhing him, etc).

While I do have some concern over managing all manner of overnight care, I am more concerned about us being each others only company for 5 straight days. I put the call out on FB to have friends come visit, but really didn’t get any solid responses. All of my friends work. I already have feelings of loneliness and isolation with my husband and older son being home so I can only imagine how it’s going to be with them gone.

It will be a test, to be sure. And, all of this helps me frame what and who is important to me in terms of forging or maintaining my friendships. Not that someone who doesn’t jump at the chance to come help me isn’t a friend, but I continue to have far fewer friends that I can truly count on than I would like.

In the end, I know we will all be OK, that my son and husband will have a good and fun trip and that baby and I will be fine (that’s what I’m going with, anyway). I guess I have a case of anticipatory loneliness.

3 comments to All By Ourselves

[…] being honest, which I know I am prone to here, I think something else is afoot. Ever since I wrote this post, I have wondered if I could be suffering from delayed post partum depression or another form of […]

Babysitter? Mothers helper? I have one teenage babysitter who I adore. I’ve even had her some to help me with chores when my daughter’s been at my mom’s, and I love her company. Yesterday she asked if we (my daughter and I) would come to her high school graduation next year. How sweet is that! I wanted to tell her we would come only if she went to college locally, so she could still babysit, but I bit my tongue.

Friendships are hard when everyone is busy with their families, etc. As a single mom, I know how hard baby duty is on your own. My only other advice is to get out of the house. Go hang out at Starbucks. Whatever. It will help!

I would come and stay with you for the five days and do all the things your husband does, but I stay too far away, sorry.
I live on Isle of Skye, Scotland.
You will be fine just relax.
If you need anyone to talk to e-mail me.