OPENING SEGMENT- Rollins comes out to cut a promo. He wants Hunter. He gets Owens instead (after insulting him). These two were great together. We’re getting Jericho vs. Roman for the US Title tonight and Jericho vs. Rollins at Roadblock: End of the Line. Also, right now, we’re getting…

SETH ROLLINS vs. THE BIG SHOW (w/Kevin Owens)- 5/10
If you wanted to know what Show has been doing during his time off, it’s losing weight. He’s now apparently down to 395 pounds. More like the Not As Big As Usual Show, amirite?

They go for a while until Show decides that he is tired of Owens yelling instructions at him from the outside so he chokelsams him and then gets himself counted out. I guess this does theoretically avoid beating Big Show in his first match and Owens doesn’t look so bad because he got attacked when he wasn’t ready. Afterwards Rollins laid Owens out with a pedigree.

JACK GALLAGHER VIDEO PACKAGE- I hated it. The opera music in the background killed it for me. His “what 205 Live means to me” bit was very good, though.

ARIYA DAIVARI vs. JACK GALLAGHER- 4/10
Good post-match segment. It’s nice to see Daivari being give some semblance of character (although eve this really barely qualifies).

TITUS O’NEIL IS PROMOTING HIS OWN MATCH WITH MARK HENRY VIA POSTERS- and he’s giving them out to WWE backstage personnel. This is extremely stupid, but I kinda love it.

OWENS & FOLEY BACKSTAGE- we’re getting Owens vs. Zayn

OWENS & JERICHO BACKSTAGE- Owens attempted to apologize to Jericho after last week. They played it off to make you think that Jericho hasn’t accepted Owens’ apology, but when Owens asks “we’re good, right?” and Jericho walks off saying “no, we’re not good,” you know that the follow-up later on is going to be “we’re great,” or “we’re best friends” or something like that.

ENZO, CASS, RUSEV, & LANA BACKSTAGE-
I don’t like this Rusev in street clothes thing. Rusev is the type of guy who I want to pretend goes everywhere in his ring gear.
Enzo sees Rusev and Lana arguing in a language he doesn’t understand, so of course he comes over to help like the world’s most annoying motherf*cker. Rusev rightfully tells him to f*ck off, but Lana defends Enzo, saying “he is only trying to help.” Rusev is unhappy with this and says that Lana and is pathetic like Enzo and she should be with him instead, so Lana throws her wedding ring on the floor, so we’re getting yet another Lana and Rusev break-up angle. This bullsh*t needs to stop. Whatever Lana did to supposedly deserve this (and that’s leaving out the hypocrisy involved), this crap has gone way too far for way too long. If you want to punish her by keeping her off TV then do that (although I still think that would be bullsh*t) but these two clearly love each other so STOP BOOKING ANGLES DESIGNED TO F*CK WITH THEIR MARRIAGE.
(As a reminder of that hypocrisy, we then got a Total Divas commercial in which Lana spoke in her shoot American accent).
Then Enzo tries to hit on Lana because, that’s totally going to make him come across as likeable.
When we get back from the commercial, Lana also makes herself unlikable by doing the stereotypical “I’ll make him appreciate me by hanging out with another man to make him jealous,” which is basically the female equivalent of Enzo’s douchebaggery. Lana invites Enzo to come back to her hotel room. If this isn’t a set-up, I’m going to be very annoyed. If it is a set-up, I’m going to laugh at douchebag Enzo getting what deserves. At this point I will remind you that Enzo is supposed to be the babyface.

SAMI ZAYN vs. KEVIN OWENS- 7.25/10

ROMAN & JERICHO BACKSTAGE- Roman shows up to be jerk to Jericho. He also accuses Jericho of “doing Owens’ dirty work,” because it’s not like Jericho would want to win a title or anything.

CHARLY INTERVIEWS SASHA- Sasha kind of came off like a jerk here. She challenges Charlotte to an Ironman match in the guise of making history, even though Sasha and Bayley had one last year. Also, we have Charlotte in an Ironwoman match at the Decemebr PPV against the babyface who just ended her title reign the previous month? #BRMBookedItFirst

RICH SWANN VIDEO PACKAGE- great.

TJ PERKINS vs. RICH SWANN- 6.25/10
Kendrick is getting his rematch tomorrow night on 205 Live, which is fine… but why book Swann here tonight against another guy who is in line for a title shot when you could book him against someone who can take a loss tonight without being hurt by it.
They kept the match pretty bland, but it was still good.

ALICIA FOX vs. BAYLEY- 2.5/10
Bayley has been reduced to a mechanism to shill crappy merch. This match is apparently happening because Bayley tried to give Fox one of her new bear gimmicks and Fox got angry and demanded a match. Yes, really.
Well… at least Fox is back to her much more natural heel role. This was short but very fun and good for the time it got.

ENZO & CASS BACKSTAGE- Cass sees through what I hope is Lana and Rusev’s plan to ambush Enzo. Enzo refuses to see it because he’s dumb. This segment made me eagerly anticipate the beating that Rusev should be giving him.
So Enzo ran off. Then Rusev showed up to talk to Cass. They had a confrontation that will result in Rusev vs. Cass tonight.

EMMALINA SLIDESHOW- either get here or get these vignettes off my TV.

THE TUSSLE IN TEXAS: Mark Henry vs. Titus O’Neil- squash
I think Mark Henry is the only exception to the “undercard babyface always gets humiliated in his/her home town” rule.

ENZO BACKSTAGE- he buries Uber for not being able to find the building. Luckily for Enzo, Ric Flair shows up in his limo and lets Enzo borrow it for the purposes for of boning.
Also, why are Enzo and Lana allowed to leave early? If I cut out of work early, I’d get fired.

JERICHO WANTS OWENS TO STAY OUT OF HIS BUSINESS- with how hard they’re pushing this, really hope this actually leads to something this time around.

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Chris Jericho- 7.25/10
Maybe he’s been wearing this gear for months and I never noticed it until now, but Jericho’s gear tonight is absolutely hideous.
The match was pretty great, with a finish that makes me think that this Owens vs. Jericho thing might be for real this time. Owens vs. Jericho for the title would be an outstanding main event for the Royale Rumble.

This match should have been the main event, but the reason it went on now was because they’re putting Ric Flair in the main event. Of course they’ll go around patting themselves on the back and telling everyone that they put the women in the main event spot, but we all know the that they’re counting on Ric to draw the number.

RUSEV vs. COLIN CASSADY- no rating, see below.

ENZO & LANA IN THE HOTEL ROOM- well… at least they’re letting Enzo has some sort of conscious, but he’s still a f*king dumbass for falling into their trap. And I guess Cass got to look smart by figuring it out. As for their trap itself…
WHICH MORON SET THIS SEGMENT UP? Normally in this situation as soon she leads him into the hotel room the heel pop out and jump the babyface from behind, maybe even crack him in the back of the head with a vase or something. Here our heels let him know it was coming and waited for Enzo to be facing them and gave him time to process the situation. They set a “trap” for him to set up a FAIR FIGHT. IN this fair right, Rusev DESTROYED Enzo. So at the end of all of this, Enzo comes out of it looking like an asshole and a dumbass, and Rusev comes out of it looking like an even bigger babyface than before.

#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: The Club vs. Sheamus & Cesaro- 4.25/10
Both of these teams were screwed out of the belts by New Day so why are they fighting over a title shot when they should both just be granted one without having to fight for it. Speaking of New Day, they were sitting at ringside being dicks. When they got bumped into- clearly by accident-, they attacked the other teams to cause a double DQ, just like heels would. I popped so huge when Sheamus and Cesaro came out on top by catching Kofi and powerbombing him into the other two.
I was concerned that we would go off the air without the obvious triple threat match for next week being announced, but thankfully that didn’t happen.

CHARLOTTE APOLOGIZES TO HER FATHER- FANTASTIC!
Was this extremely predictable? Yes. But HOLY F*CKING SH*T CHARLOTTE WAS AMAZING. She’s got to be the talker in the company right now, right? Hell, maybe the entire business. Who else is at her level? Kevin Owens. Adam Cole. Drew Galloway. Maybe Samoa Joe? And that’s it.

So… a kind of boring show despite two great matches and a fantastic closing segment.