Should I leave my husband for a guy at work?

Our reader is unhappy with her marriage and a guy at work is on the scene (Picture:neilwebb.net)

I’m 29 and married with a one-year-old daughter. I have given my best in my relationship but have faced many rejections, emotionally and physically, from my husband that make me feel inferior.

Since our baby was born, he has shown no interest in me. Whenever I approach him, I am either treated as a slave and made to do what he wants or I’m simply rejected.

I’ve now met a guy at work. He’s single, younger than me and belongs to a different religion. He wants to marry and my heart wants to be with him – I feel I’m worth loving – but I can’t afford to lose my daughter. How should I approach this?

All relationships, whether they are marriages, partnerships, lovers or friendships, should ultimately bring us joy and harmony.

‘You write about your marriage as if you are imprisoned in a loveless union where your self-esteem and self-worth are eroded every day,’ says Dr Cecilia d’Felice. ‘This seems very cruel and no one deserves to suffer like this. If you are being honest about what you have brought to your marriage and it still isn’t working, then don’t be afraid to move on.’

But be mindful as you venture into new relationships: we often attract people who press our unconscious buttons. If you believe you are not loveable or worthy, you could repeat the suffering of being in a loveless relationship.

‘The terms you use – being “treated as a slave” or “inferior” – show that even if your safety isn’t at risk, your self-esteem is,’ says James McConnachie.

You don’t say if you are in love with your co-worker but you allude to it and although these feelings will appear to make the situation easier, try not to base your decision on this new relationship.

‘Make your choice based on the fact you and your husband don’t make each other happy,’ says Dr d’Felice. ‘At this point in time, you still don’t have clarity on why he is acting like this, so be honest with your husband and let him know you are desperately unhappy, that he appears to be too, and then work together towards a resolution.’

Let’s go back to your concerns about your daughter. ‘Is this young man ready to be a stepfather as well as a boyfriend?’ asks McConnachie. ‘It may be a big jump for him, especially as he’s younger than you and if your relationship cuts across cultural and religious lines.

‘Before you act, be sure your husband really can’t change and know where you’re going to find the support you and your daughter will need.’

Rupert Smith is away.

Email your relationship problems to features@ukmetro.co.uk, with ‘advice’ in the subject line

Our experts
James McConnachie is the author of Sex (Rough Guides, £12.99).

Psychologist Dr Cecilia d’Felice is a relationship consultant for Match.com.

Rupert Smith has written over a dozen novels, including Man’s World (Arcadia, £11.99).

Your advice
@emtweettwoo Leaving 1 man to get with another is a bad move-better to end things & find out how to make yourself happy 1st