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Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Using Attributives in Novels: Said or No Said in Speech and Using Action

Good use of attributives in novels will help make the
novel a better read. Action is also a good substitute for attributives in novel
writing. A beginner’s mistake is to keep on using said in speech after each
person has spoken. Another problem is using a close alternative that feels
contrived. A good idea is to think about how the speech was delivered or to use
action to assign who is speaking.

Bad Use of Attributive Speech in Novel Writing

There is little worse in a novel than to read a to-ing
and fro-ing of exchanges between two characters where the author simply puts, ‘he
said’, ‘she said’ after each has spoken. See this example:

‘I heard about Dawn the other day,’ Lily said.

‘Yes. She got sacked from that job at the chemists’
didn’t she?’ Susan said.

‘It was terrible. I think she got angry at one of the
customers because she kept getting the prescriptions wrong,’ Lily said.

‘And to think how long she worked there. She won’t
find it easy getting another job,’ Susan said.

The scene soon gets tiresome to read. The attributive
‘said’ is OK in moderation, but overused soon feels repetitive. One suggestion
is to think about how each person has spoken and find an alternative or omitted
altogether. Alternatives to said are, explained, asked, queried, uttered,
muttered, chortled, piped, crowed, moaned, sighed, whispered and so forth.

But sometimes, using alternatives to saids are not
enough. Try relocating the attributive in speech. Let’s work on this scene a
little to see an improvement.

‘I heard about Dawn the other day,’ Lily chortled.

‘Yes. She got sacked from that job at the chemists’
didn’t she?’ Susan asked.

‘It was terrible. I think she got angry at one of the
customers because she kept getting the prescriptions wrong.’

‘And to think how long she worked there.’ Susan
tished. ‘She won’t find it easy getting another job.’

Good Use of Attributives in Speech in Novel Writing

Using alternative words to ‘said’ has made some
improvement but more can be done to bring flow to the scene. Sometime, we don’t
need to attribute speech to know who is speaking. The attributive can be substituted
for action. Here is a further improvement to this scene.

‘I heard about Dawn the other day,’ Lily chortled.

Susan applied lipstick from her hand mirror. ‘Yes. She
got sacked from that job at the chemists’ didn’t she?’

‘It was terrible,’ Lily said. ‘I think she got angry
at one of the customers because she kept getting the prescriptions wrong,’

‘Hmm, and to think how long she worked there.’ Susan
put her lipstick away before turning and facing her. ‘She won’t find it easy
getting another job.’

Tips on Novel Writing Said is Not Always Needed

See in this final example how action can be used
instead of attributives to signify who is speaking. Using action in this way
brings variation into the scene and provides imagery for the reader. Action can
be inserted in speech or tagged at the end. Sometimes, the attributive and
action can be omitted altogether without the reader losing track of who is
speaking.

Good Use of Tags in Novels

In this scene from my blog novel, Nora, I used a
mix of action and attributives to bring the scene to life. Here, Vince and his
PA, Leon make a grubby bet about the passenger in his limo. As we can see here, I have used different attributives as well as action to bring the
characters to life.

So there are lots of tactics the author can use to
signify who is speaking in any scene. Small portions of ‘saids’ and
alternatives are a good start. Try omitting the attributive altogether to see
if the scene really suffers as a result. And don’t forget to use action to
bring variation to the mix, provide imagery and reveal character.