"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop & look around once in a while...you could miss it."

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TWENTY FIFTEEN.

Can I just tell you what an emotional mess I was the other day. I mean I really thought I had it together with this "letting my kids go" "i'm okay with them growing up" stuff. I mean I've had four kids right? I've been around the block three times, and I have sent three girls to preschool including daycare and even half day kindergarten in the past so why Noah? Why was I such a nervous wreck with this one when he got on the bus, and why did I cry so many tears? Lexie's response, "because he's your only boy mom, he's the baby." And you know what...she was right on point!

I still can't fathom being alone during the day, and I know that may sound wimpy and that's probably a weakness for me when it comes to my children, but I absolutely love my kids. I am not one of those mothers who just wish my kids away, and say stuff like, "I cannot wait for them to get out of the house." If anything I want them to live with me for always. I personally wouldn't mind if they were all living with me, because that's how much I love them. I could never grow weary of their presence or attitude. That's part of my motherhood, and I am just so grateful for that feeling because I could tell that my mother had similar feelings once it was our turn to leave the nest. In spite of all the downs I had with my mother when I was young I could tell that she didn't want us to leave her as we got older. I know this because she would always cry when we would leave the house after visiting her. She would even get a little upset when we moved out of the house at such a young age, but for me I am going to try hard to not do that with my kids. I found that it was a little hard to let go of Sierra when she left for Utah, but it's all good now, and I'm happy that she's enjoying life out west.

I know eventually it'll get easier as the years go by. I know this! I know that all kids grow up, and that life moves on. I know that with time, things will get easier. One thing for sure is that I'm so, so glad that Lexie is here with me all week so that I can adjust to Noah being gone. I firmly believe there's a reason why Noah and Chelsea started school a week earlier than Lexie this year. The good man upstairs knew that I was going to need some solace from someone once Noah left for school, and that someone was my 15 year old daughter. An old soul she is. One thing for sure is that I didn't think I was going to cry at the drop of a hat once the bus took off! One thing that put me at ease when those doors opened was that I knew the bus driver. He goes to my church, but that still didn't make things any better. When I saw Noah's little hand pressing up against the window as the bus drove off I lost it! I cried so much to the point where I was inhaling, and hiccuping. I honestly don't know what I would've done had I not had somebody by my side at that given moment. I'm sure I probably would've stood there for a good five minutes then slowly walking home and sitting on the couch moping, and crying for at least an hour. Luckily I'm built to resolving my own issues, and handling hard things without bombarding someone with my sadness. I know this because I've had good cries like that before, and living for 43 years in this life believe me...I've had many issues! It was one of those moments where all you need is a good cry so you put in one of those sappy movies like "The Fault of Our Stars" to clear the sadness. I'm also lucky to have this little blog in the corner of the net to write my heart out about the things that I find hard in this life, and faith in my heart knowing that in the end everything will be okay.

One thing that did help me besides having Lexie by my side that day was hearing words from a random neighbor whom I've seen driving up and down our street before, but have never really talked to him. As the bus was driving off he was in the car waiting to cross, and he stopped to say something to me. He looked like someone's sweet grandpa, and his words sure brought me a lot of support. He said to me, "was that your baby getting on that bus?" I said, "yes, it was." He said, "I can tell by the look on your face that he's your baby." Just know that he'll be fine, and that he'll have a good year." I said thank you, and he drove away. After hearing his words of comfort I knew that Noah was going to be ok, and then my tears subsided.Those three hours of school went by pretty quick probably because Lexie was with me. We walked to the bus stop and waited for the bus to arrive. As the bus drove closer to the curb I was standing at I was relieved to see them through the window sitting together. Apparently they are "bus buddies" and I am very happy that they both get to sit with one another after school until the buses come. Noah looked a little tired when he got off the bus. I snap chatted this whole experience, and if it's still on there you have about 24 hours to view it at r_jorgensen before it gets completely deleted. PM kindergarten is something that I'm going to have to get used to because like I said, I have never experienced having a kid attending PMK so this is going to be very interesting. I know eventually I'll get used to it , and slowly build a creative routine for our morning on what to do before he leaves for school, but for now I'll learn as I go, and do.This morning was kind of a long one. After having cold cereal for breakfast we painted for a bit, and even though Lexie told me to eliminate technology all together I caved in, and had him watch pbs kids because, peg + cat is his favorite. He played with his legos for a bit afterwards, and then we took him to the park. It has been hot and muggy for the past few days, and because I didn't want to wear him out before school we only endured about 25 minutes of mugginess. We also decided to add a bit of tennis before school if he's up to it. I've decided that we're just going to lay it cool in the house until cooler temperatures arrive. Then we can do all the fun stuff like riding on the bike trail, but for any of you moms who have a five year old attending half day PMK, and have any tips on what you do with your child please share!

I have a very strong feeling that this year will fly just as the rest of them have, but I'm not counting the days. I just want to focus on the positivity in hopes that our kids have a fun, and educational school year that way future school years for Noah will become easier and easier....especially for me! Let's just hope I don't turn out like Jane Fonda in Monster-in-Law when his time comes to get married! Yikes!