Monday, February 13, 2006

3x30

Three months today since the joy went out of my life. How appropriate, too, that tomorrow is the "romantic" holiday that I always loathed for its forcedness, its elevation of a particular manifestation of love above all others in the world, and its smug exclusivity.

On our first Valentine's Day together, my then-future husband made me chocolate mousse. He was not one for the cheap, trite gesture, and he shared my disdain for the generic exaggerations of the holiday, but we had just started dating, and so he made this rich, decadent dessert for us.

Today and tomorrow are going to be bad, bad days. And I now understand that there are no rewards for endurance in this race I've been forced to run. The best I can hope for is not to feel as bad all the time as I do right now.