Observing and Drawing From Life Every Day

Existential Crisis

I’m almost sure I want to get rid of this blog. Mostly because in my current occupation doing something “useless” for an hour is enough to drive me crazy. During my diurnal(I learned loads of synonyms for ‘daily’ while carefully crafting a name for this suicidal blog) Diatribe, I finally expressed to my husband that I need to believe that what I am doing matters. Wasting time on things which do not help anyone is chipping away at my sanity. Even the nagging thought that something impractical NEEDS to get done is driving away inner peace. Maybe yet another online thing is internal clutter making me feel uneasy without even knowing why.

I can barely find time to make immediately usable crafts, garden, decorate the house, keep the house couth(not even clean, no that’s not necessary, just civilized), read and spend time with my husband. Yes, I could become Miss Time Management. Actually, I’m already Miss Time Management and it’s still not enough. I keep a notebook with big goals broken down into little goals and it sure helps. Time management not time magic. I will never be able to create time.
The critique inside harmonizes horrendously with the incessant celebration of busy from without. All this tripe about us have the same amount of hours as Beyoncé. All this toadliver reminding us that we ain’t doing it all like those Moms who work outside the home. Then there’s the truck of memes saying if we wanted to we would find a way. Well.
#1)Stay at home Moms who want to do anything have to do two things at once.Have you ever tried to finish an art project with a teething toddler pulling on your leg? Contrast that to leaving your kid somewhere then starting work.
#2)You still have to prioritize. If you really want something you will find a way. I agree. However, choosing one thing automatically means that another thing is not chosen.I have to pick the most important jobs first. Wife. Mom. Therefore, for those of us who have tons of goals, it’s impossible for us to find a way to do every single Thing to the standard we aspire.
#3)The clincher, the dodgasted strikeout, is that most parents have kids who go to bed early. What I could do with an evening! Maybe they will return someday and when they do I’d wager my husband would win against ever so tediously rendered graphite.

But anyway, I will respect whatever you decide to do. If you feel that your limited time could be better spent (and I don’t doubt you), then so be it. I guess I would just go back to asking yourself why you started it in the first place, and if any of those original motivations still hold true, or if your mindset has shifted thus that you no longer think it is as useful or helpful.

That’s something to think about. It would be so sad to delete it completely but I don’t think I will be able to continue as a year ago. Maybe if I morph it into where I keep drawn studies for finished projects?