Motherhood: Unscripted

Monthly Archives: May 2013

Justin and I have known since Easter morning that Robbie was going to be a big brother, and we planned to tell him in late May when I was into my second trimester. Unfortunately, Justin and I cannot keep a secret. The fact that we kept this one for four weeks was, well, something of a miracle. On the 24th of April, Justin lost his self-control, and, over dinner, told Robbie that he was going to be a big brother. Robbie took the news better that we expected, but there were a few points of clarification we’ve made over the past few weeks while we waited to break the news to the rest of the world.

1. We are not having a baby, a brother, and a sister. We are just having a baby. It will be either a brother or a sister. There are not three new beings coming into our lives (we checked the ultra sound just in case!).

2. Robbie firmly believes that I ate something to get the baby in my belly. He opens my mouth to check on the baby daily and assures me that everything is going well. He also believes he has confirmed that he is indeed having a baby brother.

3. There was a brief concern that I would poop the baby out (by Robbie, not Justin). This led to a conversation that may have actually complicated things and led to Robbie’s realization that I really am different from him and Justin.

4. Robbie is able to channel what the baby wants to eat. Several weeks ago, he was very concerned that the baby get its vitamins and eat a banana. The next night, he brought me an apple. Friday morning, he discovered that I had not eaten the apple. He made me stop getting ready for work and insisted that I eat the apple for his baby.

5. This is not our baby. It is Robbie’s. He will feed it bottles and change all the diapers. He also knows that babies need hugs and kisses. And he will buy the baby a crib and get good toys. But, it is his baby. Please do not be mistaken about this.

6. Robbie wants to see his baby, and he doesn’t want to wait until November. He has tried, on more than one occasion, to put his foot in my mouth in an effort to get into my belly to play with his baby.

7. Big Brother shirts are hard to find. And one becomes a big brother as soon as he learns that there will be a baby, so it’s best to try to have more than one on hand, especially if said big brother wants to sleep in and wear the shirt every day.

8. Santa will be bringing the baby to Robbie. And God. This is a relief, as I will be able to avoid child birth.

9. Robbie has already started blaming his baby for things that go wrong. When he pooped in his diaper recently, Robbie informed me that he hadn’t done it; it had, in fact, been his baby. To clarify, I asked, “Let me get this straight. The baby left my belly, jumped into your diaper, pooped, and then magically got back into my belly?” He didn’t miss a beat. “Yes. That’s what happened.” Great…

10. It has occurred to Robbie that all the chairs at our table will be filled. He used the opportunity to switch to a different seat, letting me know that the other one would be for the baby. It is, of course, in the most inconvenient spot in the kitchen.