Thursday, August 6, 2009

Because...You. Don't. Not! Right?

OMG good news - Mooseheads training camp is less than two weeks away

Bad news - it is in Cole Harbour....again. As usual.

I can't get out to Cole Harbour. I do not drive and I do not own a car. Nobody I know, besides myself, actually gives a shit about the Mooseheads. So here I sit, cursing myself for my myriad of shitty life choices* and cursing Cole Harbour.

Today, at work, my boss asked what happened to the cupcakes I made. The answer was that he ate them all. I should quit science and go into sexy baking. I baked those cupcakes for my totally cookie worthy boyfriend while wearing nothing but my undies and high heels. That was the most productive, appreciated and well-liked thing I did all week.

Why then did I then give his cupcakes away? Because I am a sucker! I take on other people's work because I can do it better, because I can help, because I can't say no. I work longer but don't get paid more. I am considered educationally one of the best trained people in my lab. Professors turn to me for advice. I make less than half the money of the high school students and undergraduates who work under me. I spend half of my time kissing ass: my boss, my co-workers, some ungrateful asshat of a boy, restaurant wait staff, and a seductive cat who is trying to steal my much beloved boyfriend.

I don't want this. I don't want to kiss their asses. I am an angry, bitter little person. I just want to be acknowledged. I don't have to kiss people's asses to be liked - I have been told that most people actually like me (despite my paranoia). I appear to make friends easily. I hate these challenges. Just once I would like for somebody to be kissing my ass for a favour.

Sometimes I just want to escape. I have any number of ways to do this. *Enter hockey stage left*

...and then there was poor Yuri. Part of me was wishing that Yuri would just 'take the money' and go be free. Fortunately for the Mooseheads Yuri Cheremetiev shall be returning to the QMJHL next season. This will mean that he will spend his time kissing Cam Russell's ass, and all of our asses (possibly mine too), just so that we don't call him the Alex Kovalev (Russian, frequently absent) of the QMJHL.

With the return of our Cheremetiev -a 20 year old forward and a leading scorer, plus the acquisition of 20 year old defenceman Alexandre Brunet from the Rimouski Oceanic, there remains only one 20 year-old roster spot. Why did we acquire Brunet if we were not hoping to keep him? - Exactly. So if Cheremetiev stays, and Brunet stays then...

The Moose have three boys to fill that one spot: the ball busting forward Eric Louis-XVI (Heads will roll), the smashy yet effervescently haired forward Linden Bahm, or sad-puppy/academic/ all around good husband material - defenceman Ben MacAskill.

The consensus choice amoung fans is that either Bahm or Louis-XVI get to stay. Some people do not like Ben. This is because a lot of Junior hockey fans want to find the worst features of a player and then bitch, and bitch, and bitch some more because that boy is not an elite NHL-type defenceman. Fuck that noise - this is Junior Hockey. 'Fans' toss around phrases like "not even good enough for the MJAHL", "beer league", and the ever so eloquent "stinks".

I like Ben. I also have a feeling that this year may be somewhat like last year in that the team is looking to have a defensive edge. As such, they may choose to keep an overage, somewhat puck-moving defenceman over the low scoring crash and bang forwards.

Crash and bang forwarding can be done by any number of 17-18 year olds. Sure, they may not decapitate like Louis-XVI, and they may not have that Louis-XVI body (ummm rawr?) but would Eric really want to stay here now that his bromantic partner for life, Gabriel O'Connor, has left for greener, more Huskonian pastures? Perhaps more importantly, will Linden Bahm want to stay here if I keep my boobies covered up at the games?

So you hate Ben! ...but that is mostly because you, delicate reader, are an asshole (says the girl who, if given the chance, would'a run a pussy train all over over the much maligned Alex Lamontagne, just because).

Let's put ot this way - at this time last year was anybody really thinking that Justin Pender would have a tryout with the New Jersey Devils? pffft. No you didn't!

The simple fact of the matter is that no one knows what might transpire in one year's worth of a boy's hockey playing life**.

Other facts - Yuri is back! So to reiterate - the Moose have one roster spot and three boys to fill it. We don't know what will happen with that roster spot and anybody who is not Linden, Benjamin or Eric (or coaching staff) doesn't have any influence on the outcome._________________________________________See Matthew Wuest's blog for a breakdown of the 2009 training camp roster.

*like Andrew White not reporting to Drummondville...I would have made that choice too...and then kicked my own ass for the rest of my life**After his QMJHL rejection Lamontagne played professionally for the IHL in 2008-2009 and remains one muthafuckin hot piece of defenceman ass

6 comments:

I should quit science and go into sexy baking. I baked those cupcakes for my totally cookie worthy boyfriend while wearing nothing but my undies and high heels. That was the most productive, appreciated and well-liked thing I did all week.