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bipolar & ppd

My dd is 7 weeks old. Well, after I had my 1st dd, I was diagnosed bipolar and I've had depression since 6th grade. Well lately I get frustrated sometimes with LO. Not often, usually only if I am extremely tired. I am taking meds and seeing a counselor already. When I get frustrated, I feel like I may lose it. I feel horrible, but I have had thoughts to hurt LO. I know a few times I'vefelt like shaking her. I stop myself obefore I do though. Also a few times I have kind of gotten rough such as pinning her legs down kind of hard ( not too hard but hard enough she cries more) if she's kicking and not cooperating. I know ppd is normal, but sometimes I worry about myself. I'm scared to harm her badly and my parents are usually in bed when this happens. Id love some support from you mommas. I'm 22 and a single mom so its real tough on me :/

Ps. In already getting help, just need some extra support while I get through this. I feel horrible for feeling this way. I feel like a badmom :'(

Un the right direction to taking care of yourself. When you feel like hurting your child, it is saying it's time for a break - find a trusted friend/relative to take on your child for a couple of hours so you can recuperate and compose yourself by relaxing or finding something to do on your own.

Even a short break... leaving the baby alone in her crib - Even if she's wet or crying - for a few Minutes is okay and way better than getting rough with Her or losing it. Get some space as soon as you feel overwhelmed. My SO suggests wearing ear plugs if it's the crying that gets to you. You can still hear her but it's not as ear piercing.

The ear plugs is definitely a good idea, ill give it a try next time I get frustrated and Shes crying like that :) thank you for that idea!

Quoting veganistic:

Even a short break... leaving the baby alone in her crib - Even if she's wet or crying - for a few Minutes is okay and way better than getting rough with Her or losing it. Get some space as soon as you feel overwhelmed. My SO suggests wearing ear plugs if it's the crying that gets to you. You can still hear her but it's not as ear piercing.

Hang in there Momma. I had my ds 6 mo. ago and those first feicw days, weeks and months were difficult. I cried every night and even today I have PPD. At some point I wanted to hurt my son and honestly I hate myself for it. I think at some point I shook him a little. THANKFULLY he was wrapped in 2 towels so his head didn't shake. I feel like a terrible mom bc of it...I understand how you feel and why moms get frustrated and even sad and angry. You're not alone. There will be better days.

You're welcome! I'm pregnant with # 2 right now. That never occurred to me with #1, but my dd was colicky and cried so much. I think it really would have helped me feel less desperate and frustrated. Leave it to a man to think of ear plugs, lol. I also had ppd , and i remember having terrible thoughts and "visions" about dd. I called a doc right after about 10 weeks and told her. I didn't want to hurt dd but i just kept imagining scenarios in which i did. Make sure you discuss this with your docs, and good luck.

Quoting youngmom16:

The ear plugs is definitely a good idea, ill give it a try next time I get frustrated and Shes crying like that :) thank you for that idea!

Quoting veganistic:

Even a short break... leaving the baby alone in her crib - Even if she's wet or crying - for a few Minutes is okay and way better than getting rough with Her or losing it. Get some space as soon as you feel overwhelmed. My SO suggests wearing ear plugs if it's the crying that gets to you. You can still hear her but it's not as ear piercing.

Have you thought about getting into some local support groups for your mental issues? Your counselor should have a list of them. They can provide great information and support for you when you need it most in life. I also recommend talking to your counselor or doctor about getting your medications adjusted because you could be becoming immune to a dosage. I know because it happened to me with a serious medical condition that I have three years ago.

Are your parents aware of how you feel? When you have these thoughts, could they not take the baby until you've settled down? You obviously recognize the dangerous risk you're taking by being alone with the baby, so do you really feel you should be? What does your counselor and dr say?

First, I would like to say that I commend you for taking a step back, noticing these feeling/actions/changes in yourself, then taking the steps needed to get help. That is an amazing and hard thing for many people to do.

Second, I want you to know that I completely understand where you are coming from. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 7 and a half years ago...

Lastly, knowing I was Bipolar when I got pregnant with my son, all of my Dr's informed me that because of that I would be at an even greater risk of developing PPD. It has truly been found that women who are Bipolar are at a signifigantly higher risk for PPD, only some times its not caught because so many of the symptoms over lap.

You are definitely doing the right thing by seeking as much support as you possibly can. One thing I would strongly recomend, I'm not sure if it has been brought up by anyone else, but I would strongly urge you to sit your parents down and speak with them if you haven't already. It may be a very hard conversation to have, but trust me, having them there knowing what you are going through, and being able to be on the look out for any possible warning signs before you yourself even pick up on them can be a HUGE help. I delt with all of this myself after I had my son.

Good luck! Also, if you ever need to talk, vent, whatever feel free to message me. I will gladly listen and offer an comfort I possibly can. I promise to never ever judge you as I have been there myself.

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