What does one one do with an 18 inch dildo? Club intruders to death with it? Use it as a curtain rod? Paper weight? Because I don’t want to live in a world where people use that for it’s intended purpose.

Well, they’re dishwasher safe, anyway. Aren’t they? I seem to see people mentioning that. Which weirds me out. Do you then put it in just like, with the dishes? Or do you do a separate dildo run once a week or whatever?

It’s a snowday here in New England. Grump (that’s me) went to your page for some relief and burst out laughing.
IMMEDIATELY my 7yo came gallumphing in crowing “Whatcha laughing at Mom?!”
I think I got it shut in time…. and I got inventive about work frustrations.
Oh I needed that.

Dildos are traumatic. Someday, my life story will also mention dildos, and how once upon a time I helped my mom move her bed. TRAUMATIC. This post made me laugh out loud while in the fetal position. So full of conflict….

I knew a guy who did shoots in his, and his wife’s condo. He was confused when his wife was mad at him for washing all of the dildo’s and other toys in the dishwasher (which is how you need to wash such things…in case you were curious). She wasn’t mad that that’s where he washed them…she was mad because he unloaded the dishwasher to do it. She could NEVER get him to unload and load the dishwasher with their dishes after dinner. I then explained to him that that was why she was mad and he should do the dishes at least once a week to make some peace in the house.

I think it’s awesome that your fans are just as crazy as you are, Jenny. And you have to think of some merchandise that uses the phrase “Dildo Bat” – I can’t really see it on a t-shirt, but maybe a coffee mug? :)

It occurs to me that my first offensive act of the new year shall be to purchase one of the advertised 18″ black dildos, affix a pistol grip and front sight to it, then send it to Wayne LaPierre c/o NRA. It may be a game-changer.

All of that is bad. I can’t deny that. But my boyfriend was playing a zombie game called Dead Rising 3… and he was beating the shit out of zombies with a “female massager”. Then later on in the game, he found blueprints for a weapon to make a gun to shoot those “lady massagers” at the zombies.

I still don’t get the market for used dildos in porous materials, but if the toy’s made of silicone, glass, stainless steel, or wood, you can disinfect it. Lots of us sex toy reviewers trade or sell review items we don’t use, which I think is most of the used toy market. But there’s also a market for men who are turned on by the idea of owning some random woman’s used dildo.

I’m as frugal as the next girl, but I’m thinking dildo shopping is not the time to go all reduce, reuse, recycle. Pony up for the unused rubber cock, and maybe clip coupons or something to make ends meet?

Aw, Chris beat me to it. For those who are scared to click on the youtube link, don’t worry – the giant dildo bat is not used in the way a dildo would normally be used. It’s being used more like a pool noodle, in a symbol of how America acts.

So people are skeeved by used dildos but not so much by a living penis that’s been used elsewhere? As Rayne said, the dildos can be sanitized between uses. The real cock…not so effectively. I’d venture to guess fewer STDs have come from the use of used dildos than living penises. Percentage-wise.

Most of can’t compete with a GIANT dildo, but you’re RIGHT there swinging with the big guys. For the record, I personally think your book should rate higher than the white dildo… although, the black one with balls is a whooole different ball game.

Also, I think you should put this on your professional resume because it’s very freaking impressive.

This just leaves me with sooo many more questions. One being, does Good Will sell used dildos? I mean if I was getting rid of a used dildo, I’m thinking I would donate it for the less fortunate before selling it on Amazon. After all they do sell used underwear. And with that question, will the Salvation Army accept them for the homeless? And can I deduct that as a charitable donation on my income taxes?

From an online review of the giant dildo bat:
The testicles feature hand-crafted creases to create that “just-like-real-sac” feeling that consumers have come to demand over the years, with a central groove to neatly define each individual bollock. These medically accurate representations of authentic gonads will delight even the most discerning of fans, making this a perfect gift for those who believe that the devil is in the details. The elegant detailing continues up through the device’s premium shaft, featuring a prominent central vein that many fans will recognize from seeing pictures of actual penises in their day-to-day lives. The entire package is complimented by a sleek and aerodynamic glans situated at the distal end of the corpora cavernosa. While it is unfortunate that a complimentary meatus has been excluded from the final product, the Dildo Bat nonetheless features a beautifully designed crown, shaped to please and providing a significant amount of heft in the finished article, so you can really hit those home runs!

I understand (i.e. I read on the interwebz somewhere) that there is a market for women’s used underwear, in Japan. Apparently, one person’s “yuck” is another’s “yum”.

And if Rule 34 applies to the internet, it surely applies to the real world. I can imagine a market for used celebrity “artifacts”. Not one I’m interested in, but there are all kinds of people. I wonder how one would certify provenance. Photographs? DNA?

My mind is way too fast in explaining things to myself. I read it and immediately figured the reference to “Ash” was to the fact that most baseball bats are made of Ash (wood).

Meanwhile, you people are killing me laughter in the Comments here!! I needed it after today. A Giant Used Dildo Bat may be just what I need to send anonymously to an obnoxious Client. But only if it hasn’t been run through the dishwasher first.

How stupid can that wife be? He does WHAT SHE WANTS, namely, unloads the dishwasher, and her response is… to get angry. If you spank a puppy when it shits on the floor AND when it uses the paper, it will eventually give up and shit anywhere and everywhere, because it knows it can’t win.

If she had the brains God gave the common dog, she’d have said, “You know, honey, I think we need to wash those toys more often, say, twice a week from now on.” And he’d have dutifully unloaded it every time.

As gross as I find the idea of selling/ purchasing used dildoes, I am much more disturbed by the idea of a landfill filled with used dildoes. Plus, if I were disposing of such a thing, I’d have to sneak it into someone else’s recycling bin.

You know…you do use the word ‘dildo’ A LOT in that book. I haven’t counted, but my guess would be at LEAST 20 times. That’s a minimum. Enough times, apparently, to show up on a dildo search in Amazon. So…congratulations? I guess?

so many questions. someone used the 18 inch dildo and thought, “no. this is not for me. I’m selling this bastard.” once you go “black 11 inch dildo with balls” you never go back”? but, no! you do! because there’s a used one? wow. I laughed pretty hard and yet I *kinda* want my innocence about this topic back. used dildos are going to haunt my mind for a very long time. thank you?

It’s probably only ‘used’ because somebody bought a giant dildo thinking it was your book and when they opened it they were like WHAT this isn’t what I wanted. Then when Amazon got it back they couldn’t resell it as ‘new’ since it had been opened. I’m going with that theory.

OH MY WORD! Brilliant. II would love to know what a used dildobat is but for your book to come up on the search engine at the same time……lost for words.

Well, okay I am but my brain isn’t so I’m just going to spew – who thinks to sell a used dildo in the first place and second and worse who buys them…….(cue feeling sick at the thought). How can the buyer be sure it is clean for a start – oh dear now I have made myself a little bit sick. shut up brain, shut up brain…….

I don’t even buy used shoes but then I do have a mild case of OCD and that prevents me from doing so.

I went to buy a copy of the book at a local book store as a gift for a co-worker. When I asked the guy at the information desk where I could find it, he directed me to the Young Adult section.

Wha?

My eyebrow shot up practically to my hairline, and I said, “Dude, it is soooo not appropriate for young adults.”
“Well, that is how the publisher has it categorized.”
“OK, but…whatever.” And I laughed and walked off to the section.

Predictably, I did not find your book there. I stopped to peruse the crafting section for a new knitting book, before returning to ask where the Humor section may be, when I heard a page for me to return to the Information Desk.

“Yeah, there is a young adult book by the same name, different author. The one you want is in Humor, not Young Adult.”
“Yep.”