BOFH: Xmas party: Get a wriggle on

"Get a jiggle on," I tell the PFY as I clamber into the work vehicle, "or we'll be late."

"Take it easy," the PFY responds calmly. "Stacks of time. The place doesn't even open for another hour."

"Yeah, but it'll take us that long to get there!" I snap.

"I'm sure we'll be ok," the Boss says, clambering into the back seat. "It's not like they're going to drink the place dry before we get there."

"Don't you believe it!" I respond. "Black tie casino evenings with open bars tend to finish quite quickly – especially when half the attendees are on their fifth gin and tonic before the chips are handed out and a vendor is picking up the bar tab."

"Chips?" the boss asks.

"The CASINO evening," the PFY says. "Hence the tux and tie combo."

"Oh, I thought it was just very formal," the boss burbles. "How does it work?"

"You get chips at the door, gamble for a couple of hours, then they'll run an auction of goodies with your winnings."

"And by goodies he means stuff the vendor hasn't been able to shift for the past year or two."

"Like the iPod knockoff with tons more capacity but with a 3.5 inch internal drive."

"Hmmm," the Boss says decisively. "You'd better step on it then."

"Like I said," the PFY counters. "Take it easy. This baby is kitted out like the Bondmobile!"

"Are the guys across the road coming?" I ask.

"Who?" the Boss asks.

"The IT gits from the place across the road – some government outfit. Last year they managed to win big by both cheating and registering stacks of people as attending – so they had stacks of chips. So we need to get in before them!!!"

"It's all taken care of," the PFY says, pointing to a red button on the dash with a small legend underneath it.

"You fitted nitrous oxide to a work vehicle!!" I gasp. "Brilliant!"

Seconds later we're out of the basement car park and barrelling across town

...moments later...

"They’re behind us,"” the PFY says, looking in the rear-view.

"Who?"

"The guys from across the road."

"Where?"

"White van, a couple of cars back, I recognise the driver."

"So it is," I concur. "Lose them?"

"Not a worry," the PFY says, pressing another button on the dash which results in a sudden lowering of the vehicle.