MINDFULNESS MEDITATION REDEFINED

How did I start meditating?

I was separated and preparing my divorce when I met my girlfriend. At that point I didn’t have anything but two black garbage bags filled with all my life papers, titles, certifications, some pictures and clothes. But I was totally and passionately in love with her. I wanted to pamper her, wine and dine with her, but I didn’t have much in my wallet.

Even though I had a regular full-time job, I was supporting my ex and our baby daughter, paying for her rent and food, necessities, car – not to mention my own living expenses. It was like paying two households with only one income. By that time, I had been forced to leave the apartment I shared with my ex. So I packed and asked a colleague of mine for $500 and rented a small cheap flat in a student-filled apartment building.

With my newfound freedom, and totally in love, it was utterly frustrating not having the means to go out for a decent date. All our common friends sided with my ex, so I was pretty much on my own and without any money to spend. I started adopting unhealthy eating habits and drinking the booze my new girlfriend’s ex-husband had left her. My weight was dropping dramatically and behind my “anything-could-happen” smile, I was sad, drained, mega stressed and extremely scared. All that was my secret life, I couldn’t show any of this suffering to the girl I was trying to impress, of course, and I had to keep a professional attitude at work. I was living a double life.

One cool Sunday in September, strolling the downtown streets of Montreal, I saw a free meditating session offered by, what I believe was, a Krishna’s congregation. I thought “this could be fun”. It would allow me to do some kind of activity with the love of my life for few hours; and best of all, it’s free! So, I invited my girl the following weekend. I thought that it would be more interactive; instead they did some chanting and then we sat in the dark and in silence for nearly 90 minutes. I found that to be extremely uncomfortable; yet I was playing it cool to impress my girlfriend. The feeling of being almost surrendered to that moment, of almost being able to hear my heartbeat, the unexpectedness of feeling as good as when I was a teenager, was addictive.

From that moment on I’ve been researching and trying different kinds of meditative practices. It has been 7 years already, and I feel that the more I practice the more I like it, the more I need it.