Top 10 Newsmakers I Want To Punch In The Face

It’s been two years of writing and editing for this here site, NewsOne.com for me. Together, we’ve traversed the often-treacherous mine-field that is politics, racism, pop culture and the foggy bottom where they all intersect. Through our coverage of blood-curdling domestic violence, the never-ending dramas of our beloved athletes, the heartbreaking tragedies befalling our most well-respected icons, as well as the good news, the achievements and successes, I hope that I have had a hand in informing you of the news designed for you, the news that others ignore.

While there is a lot of sobering news for us all to consider about our health, our education, our youth, our PRESIDENT and our future in this nation and in this world, I want to leave you with a little bit of reverie for my last post.

I hope you enjoy my take on the top newsmakers this minute and why I personally think they should be punched in the face. ;)

[Disclaimer: The “punching in the face” is purely figurative! This writer, NewsOne and its affiliates do not condone violence of ANY kind toward anyone or anything. Please do not take this as license to go around punching all that infuriates you.]

1. Mel Gibson:

I don’t think you can be any bigger than Mel right now. Dude’s gone and said a bunch of craziness to his girl and we all have to hear it. Maybe that’s what he was going for when he went on a series of wild, racist rants but really I just feel like a damn 6-year-old watching mommy and daddy fight while I hide at the top of the stairs. *GROAN* Mel, get some Xanax, take a nap, drink a juice. Also, I think a solid right-hook into your chin might do you some good.

2. LeBron James:

Everyone and their mother (including LeBron’s own momma) has had something to say about this kid and his “DECISION” to play for the Miami Heat upon gaining freedom from alleged “slavemaster”, Dan Gilbert. For posterity’s sake, I’d like to have my view on this apparently hot-button issue immortalized here: I think LeBron made the right decision to leave Cleveland. I just think he did it in absolutely the most narcissistic, immature, disrespectful, desperate way possible. I’m also with Obama: he should have gone to Chicago. So for all of that, LeBron, you get punched in the face.

3. Mark Williams, Tea Party Spokesman:

This guy is himself an idiot but to be the spokesman for such a delusional group of anti-progress, xenophobic, racist maniacs is not a good look. I mean, come on dude, you align yourself with some of my LEAST favorite people: Sarah Palin, Niki Haley, Rush Limbaugh… Speaking of which….

4. Palin Family:

Just when you thought you were seriously rid of her, her abstinence-promoting, single mother daughter pops back onto the scene to announce her engagement to once-estranged beau Levi Johnston. As if that’s not enough, his redneck little sister has launched a blog-attack on her big bro and future sister-in-law. Who really cares about this anymore? Oh, the woes of the white American outcast… They each deserve a stiff punch in the mouth.

5. Glenn Beck/Rush Limbaugh:

What can be said about these guys that they haven’t revealed about themselves already? PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH.

6. Ground Zero Mosque Protesters/ Anti-Muslim Americans:

I never got a chance to say my piece about these fools but as a Muslim myself, I have to make a final stand for my brethren. For those of you who think Islam is an inherently violent religion and who believe, based on this fundamentally flawed assumption, that a mosque near Ground Zero is un-American or believe that Obama-speared diplomacy in Muslim nations is unpatriotic: I’M GOING TO PUNCH YOU ALL IN THE FACE. Marinate in that irony, jerks.

Postscript: Learn how to spell, douchebags.

7. Parents Who Kill Their Own Kids:

This really makes me sad and angry at once. Over my time here, we’ve covered a lot of stories of domestic violence that have been glossed over in the mainstream media. While we take pride in providing a true insight into the lives of people around the country, we are so disheartened to report on these stories of such unbelievable tragedy. Jennifer Hudson’s family murders was the most high-profile case in an excruciatingly long string of husbands killing their pregnant wives, mothers killing their own children, and siblings raping and murdering each other. Perhaps it’s a result of the extremely tense economic, social and political climate in the most impoverished parts of this vast nation, but it’s no less grisly. Maybe if someone with sense had punched any one of these people in the face when they were alive to knock some reality into them, these horrific crimes could have been avoided. Let’s pause for the loss and take note of what NOT to do going forward.

8. Walmart (For Inviting So Much Ridiculous Racism and Tomfoolery):

Thanks, Walmart. Besides the awesome blue-light specials and the ridiculously cheap boxed food that can be purchased within your hallowed aisles, you have made my two years here wrought with hilarity. Between the line-cutting,the racist intercom incident, and your sort of racist job practices, you have provided so much solid content I can’t even hate on you. Keep on keepin’ on, guys. Right after I knock you out.

9. Countries Defaulting On Aid To Haiti:

Having been in the news business when a most tragic natural disaster struck Haiti earlier this year, I think we all took a collective pause. We all realized how fragile life is and how out of man’s control our destinies really are. We also learned how linked we are to one another. As celebrities, politicians, and nations stepped up to help Haiti in its moment of desperate need, we all thought we finally transcended our greed. Apparently not. You at least should get punched in the face.