What Your Oldest Memories Reveal About You

Do you remember the best moments, or the worst?

Research has indicated that most people’s earliest memories, on average, date back to when they were 3-1/2 years old. Recent studies of children, however, suggest that our earliest memories are more likely to go back even further (Wang & Peterson, 2014). By contrast, research with adults suggests that people can remember early childhood memories back only to about age 6-to-6-1/2 (Wells, Morrison, & Conway, 2014). Researchers agree that few experiences before age 6 become lifelong memories.

What do our earliest memories tell us about ourselves or about our childhood? And do most people remember similar types of experiences from early childhood?

Early memories vary widely in content: Play activities, injuries, and transitions (such as moving or changing schools) can all become events remembered into adulthood (Peterson, Morris, Baker-Ward, & Flynn, 2013). What types of events persist into adult memory may well reflect characteristics of our childhood, as well representing what is integral to what matters to us. For example, Canadian children were more likely to remember early experiences of solitary play and individual-oriented transitions, while Chinese children were more likely to recall family and school interactions (Peterson, Wang, & Hou, 2009).

It is not yet clear why certain experiences are remembered for a lifetime, while so many more are not. The earliest childhood memories recalled by adults are often of emotional events. Although many such memories represent negatively emotional events, many also preserve the happy experiences of childhood (Howes, Siegel, & Brown, 1993). Certainly injuries, such as a playground accident resulting in a broken arm, often persist in adult memory. But also memorable are happy occasions such as an especially enjoyable holiday or time playing with friends on an outing.

Research suggests that, along with emotionality, the coherence of a memory contributes to its longevity in memory. The extent to which an experience is understood in a meaningful way affects the likelihood that it will be incorporated into the permanent repertoire of the events of our life. One young woman recalled a vivid memory of an experience at preschool when she was 3 or 4: A man in a business suit came to talk to the class. As he spoke, he slowly changed clothing, adding piece by piece of his Native American garb until he stood before them as a chief in full Onondaga dress. He made the point of the lesson clear, reminding them that he was the same man dressed in either outfit. As an adult, the woman explained that this impressive childhood memory fostered her appreciation of diversity and inspired her work as an activist for human rights.

The totality of our autobiographical memories mirrors not just the fabric of our lives, but also the fabric of who we have become. Just as early memories reflect the influence of our cultural context, they can also reflect the impact of the type of childhood we enjoyed. Experiences are not just what happen to us, they are the raw material we use in shaping our identity, our self. The person we become can think about the events that shaped us, reevaluate them, and choose how to respond to them. We are not prisoners of our past; we can retain control over how we decide to use aspects of our past in shaping who we want to be and to become.

The childhood memories we choose to hold on to reveal aspects of what we consider important. Those memories don’t inform others about who we are. Someone who recalls childhood abuse cannot be judged by others as “victim,” “abused,” “abuser,” or “survivor.” How that individual understands the meaning of those experiences contributes to their sense of self. The memories-as-processed are integrated into the evolving, dynamic personhood of the individual who retains and interprets life’s happenings.

We didn’t get to choose the childhood we were given, but we can choose what to do with the stuff of our childhood memories.

In the earliest memory I can date with certainty I'm 18 months old. I also remember being in the cot, the pattern on my baby pillow, and the marks on the ceiling over my bed. I remember my mother's silent, singular attention when I repeated a three syllable word, again, at 18 months, according to family lore. I'm 54 now.
I have many, many memories of my early life. I don't know why this is so - some of them have particular emotional content (my mother could be very frightening) but many of them are simple observation. I wonder if it has anything to do with my Aspie traits of attention to detail and hyperfocus (or maybe just because I've got a very good memory).

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with very early childhood memories. Some people do have memories of stimuli or experiences that occurred before the age of 3. Memories from 18 months are not common, although they have been reported. It isn't always clear that the memory is for the actual experience or from a slightly later time when memory of the experience was rehearsed, encountered again, or learned from other people's recounting of an event. Your account of remembering the pattern on your baby pillow and marks on the ceiling suggests that you might have found such stimuli to be especially interesting. It is also possible, though, that emotional or important events happened in the presence of these stimuli, making them memorable.

Whether your attention to detail and hyper focus explains these types of early memories is not clear. Research on early childhood memories among individuals with Asperger's is sparse, but there are accounts that are consistent with your idea that your greater attention to detail than to, e.g., social interactions might explain the number or type of early memories you have. Consistent with your observation that your mother could have been frightening at times, one study suggested that autobiographical memories reported by people with Asperger's were more likely to include fear or anxiety.
So, although the research is not yet conclusive, your insights are valuable and it would be very interesting to learn if others share your possession of very early memories.

Thank you for your reply, and validation. The three syllable word memory was indeed a story repeated to me, and I am aware that my recollection could be constructed from the tale. The other 18 month memory is not a family tale, but an incident during toilet training, which I'm told was completed when I was 18 months. It's a sequence of fragments. I was wearing tangerine coloured terry toweling pants instead of nappies, and my mother told me to tell her if I wanted to go to the toilet. We were in the dining room, I was sitting at the table and she was on the floor busy doing things inside a cupboard. I rarely spoke anyway, and I didn't want to bother her - I felt it would be bad to bother her. Later in the bathroom she asked me why I hadn't told her I wanted to go. I didn't answer aloud but thought the reason, and I noticed she didn't know what I was thinking. I think I expected her to know my thoughts - this might be the occasion when I learnt that she didn't. Another early memory is of hiding from my bigger sister by shielding my eyes behind the back rails of a kitchen chair. I was sure she couldn't see me. I knew this because I couldn't see her. Then she said "I can see you, you're sticking out" and I realized with awe the truth of what she said - that she could see me although I couldn't see her. This seemed momentous to me. (I was crouching on the seat of the chair, so was quite small at the time.)
None of my early memories involve more interaction than this, except for episodes with my frightening mother. My observation of patterns on the pillow, ceiling and wall paper was a solitary occupation, either while I was meant to be napping, or in the very early morning. (I'm an illustrator and graphic artist by profession and derive intense visual pleasure from some images and patterns: this might be why I recall these things.)
Before the age of 2 the memories are fragments, but after 24 months the episodes become longer. I can date them as my brother was born when I was 16 months old and I recall him in the bassinet, and crawling.

I'm bemused by the idea that early memories usually involve social interaction. The interactions I recall were meaningless, baffling or threatening to me. Mostly my sense was that I was an observer.

I also am interested to find if others have these sorts of early memories. I haven't spoken to anyone who has, to my surprise.

Thank you for once again sharing some of your earliest memories. Although the research literature emphasizes the average age of 3 as typical of earliest memories, I have encountered a number of people who can report memories of experiences that occurred when they were between 1 and 3 years old. One reason for the discrepancy might be the implicit definition of "memory" that instructions in research elicit. People might assume that they are to report coherent experiences. Reports of memories before age 3 are often more fragmentary with a more narrow focus on features of the environment. The nature of these reports is consistent with how an infant encounters the world. Even the vantage point of an infant is different, as the infant is viewing the physical world in a more limited way. At the same time, the infant is developing cognitively in ways you describe. Initially, babies engage in "magical thinking" from an egocentric perspective. Your account of learning that your mother couldn't read your mind or know your thoughts illustrates how infants learn from experience in order to advance beyond magical thinking. Similarly, your memory of playing with your sister reveals how you advanced beyond egocentric thinking. You began to see the world from the point of view of another person as well as from your own.
A most interesting aspect of your memories is the focus on having been an "observer." To some extent, young children are observers in that they have very little control over their lives. Your experiences, however, suggest that they might also reflect your experiences as a "middle" child. If you had siblings older and younger than yourself, you might have had the sense of being observer that often comes with that birth order status.
The fact that you are an illustrator and graphic artist does suggest that your most vivid permanent memories reflect those things that bring you the most pleasure and that are most important and meaningful to you.
Thank you so much for contributing your valuable insights and reflections!

My earliest memory is me trying to run away when I was 4 years old. My cousin and I were sitting on the back steps alone. I made it through 3 neighbors back yards and to the sidewalk next to a busy street before anyone stopped me. I wish I could remember what prompted me to want to run away.

Thank you so much for a great memory. It seems that you recall quite a few details, which is unusual for a memory dating to such a young age. Research suggests that the experience was emotional and distinctive enough to make it memorable.
It's likely that you don't remember why you wanted to run away because running away and its aftermath were more exciting than the reason that prompted it. Your recall illustrates also how importance changes so dramatically from childhood to adulthood. Most likely the reason seemed so important to you then, but now would be trivial (e.g., not being able to have dessert before dinner, sibling jealousy, etc.).
Thanks so much for sharing an interesting early experience!

My earliest memory has been confirmed to me by my mother as occurring when I was about 8 months old. I have fairly complete and complex memories of my life from that time forward. However, I began speaking individual words between 2-3 months, and full sentences by 10 months. My mother also discovered I could read at 2.5 years old, and assumed I had learned by watching Sesame Street, which I adored. My extremely early memories run the gamut in subject and content, and are fairly complete. I can even remember dreams I had, and recount conversations I had with family members from the age of about 12 months onward. I have no idea why any of this is so. As I was born in a very small town in the late 70's, no one really found any of this to be too remarkable. I always thought everyone was that way until I was older, and kids at school said it was weird. By the way, I am not on the autism spectrum, and I do not have any mental or physical illness aside from autoimmune problems and MS, with which I was diagnosed at age 30.
I have always wondered if perhaps my ability to remember things from such an early age correlated with my early mastery of speaking and reading. I would assume so, but I haven't been able to find much research on the subject. Thanks to all for sharing their experiences. I do find this subject fascinating!

Your memories are remarkable in their vividness, number, and detail dating to such a young age. Your question about the possible correlation with early mastery of speaking and reading is astute. During the 1970s, Eleanor Gibson (famous for her visual cliff studies with infants at Cornell) researched early development and learning to read. She noted that a small number of very young children were, in her words, "paper and pencil" children. By this she meant they learned language very early and had an intrinsic interest in reading and writing.

There is some renewed interest today in exploring the characteristics of such early bloomers. The possible connection between early language and memories is consistent with one theory of the more typical "infant amnesia." That theory posits that the usual absence of very early memories is due to the lack of verbal encoding to store the experiences in a format that will enable retrieval later in adult after language is developed.

Thank you so much for sharing your intriguing insights and observations.

My oldest memory that i remember when i was 5 years old i was told that im not real child of my mother,i wasn't part of the family (i did'nt remember anymore who told it to me, i wish i remember). when i read this article in someway it brings back the painful memories that i have in childhood days that i can't hardly remember the happy ones. I am 25 now and most of my childhood friends have their own family, but i don't see myself having my own family maybe its because of that chilhood memory.

Your memory reminds us that intense emotion contributes to the power of memories to persist and to affect our perceptions of ourselves and others. Sometimes early childhood memories are inaccurate in important details, because young children cannot understand events and information in the same way adults do. It is difficult to explain social relationships to young children, and your experience reminds us of the importance of explaining such situations only when a child is mature enough and then in terms the child can understand.

It is clearer today that family means so much more than the traditional biological model or example once considered the norm. When painful memories dominate, it can be very helpful to explore the more positive experiences and to consider how one can learn from the past and grow beyond it. It is encouraging to focus on how we can overcome the painful experiences of the past and build the kind of future we want to look forward to.

My father died of cancer in August of 1970. I turned 3 in February of 1970. I have 3 clear memories of time with my dad before his death. One was the memory of me standing beside him as he drove his pickup. Standing in the seat with my arm on his shoulder. One memory of him at a small bridge with water flowing over it. He knelt down and scooped up a baby fish for me to see. Last memory was of a white room and my dad laying in a bed with a clear plastic tent over him. My mom later confirmed that was my dad on his death bed in the hospital and the plastic tent was an oxygen tent. She said he summoned my brothers and I to see him. My mom said he died 10 minutes after we left his room.

Thank you for sharing your precious memories of your dad. Your vivid recall of those events when you were so young reflect how important he was to you. It is so powerful to realize that the time we spend with our young children lays the foundation for their future understanding of social bonds. As adults, we might consider a ride in the truck or stopping by a stream to take the time to show our child a small fish to be simple ordinary activities. It's wonderful to think that in the eyes of the child these can be dramatic, important, and wonderful enough to be remembered for a lifetime.

Thank you for reminding us that we should treasure the moments we spend with others.

I can recall many events from the age of apprx 8 months (maybe ealier - but not exactly sure -because I cannot prove even to myself my earlier memroies) - and I know exactly why I remember them)) It was fun when adults thought I didnt understand things. And remember how I was learning to speak my native language (which helped me to learn some other new languages). And it also helps in communicating with children and animals.

It is most interesting that you recall learning to speak your first language and that you remember when adults thought you didn't understand certain things. You would have been in the early stages of learning language between 8 and 12 months.
You mention learning other languages as well. Being multi-lingual might contribute to your ability to remember such vivid early memories.
Thank you for sharing your exceptional experiences.

I think, if a child has a very happy (or very unhappy) childhood with the same routine - they forget (or want to forget) these memories. But I changed location, and had negative and positive experiences, that is why I remmeber. I think I could remember mre - because till the age of 3-4 I had a habit of trying to reproduce in my head everything that happened the minute/hour/day before, I was like living in the past, especially when I didn't like my presnet. But at some point new interesting events occurred, so I forgot my earliest memories. I eve wanted to write a book, but not sure if it is interesting for others to read memories smth like 'i hated when I was wrapped in the sheets tight" )))

Your observation that you often rehearsed mentally what had happened before is relevant to your ability to recall very early memories. Rehearsal contributes to memorability, so practicing that would have helped you retain those memories. It's impossible to know, but it is likely that your mental rehearsal was an effort to understand the events in your life. Young children experience everything from a perspective so different from that of adults, and the struggle to understand is part of the dynamic that enables the child to advance in cognitive development.
You referred to changing location and having had both positive and negative experiences. Considerable change would stimulate a young child's desire to comprehend in order to gain some sense of predictability and control in their life.
Thank you for contributing your insights!

My first memory was also my first remembered dream. A baby (most likely myself, although I didn't make that distinction in the dream.) crawling up a grandfather clock. (my Grandparents owned one) It wasn't complex, but at 18 mos, it made quite an impression on me.

What a wonderful memory! And a great dream. A grandfather clock would be most interesting to a young child. I wonder if you dreamed about crawling up the clock, because you would have liked to get closer to the face of the clock to see it more clearly. I would be interested to know if you were familiar then with the nursery rhyme "Hickery, Dickery, Dock."
Thank you so much for a beautiful early memory.

My oldest memory was seeing in live broadcast the moment the World Trade Center's second tower being hit by the airplane. I still remember it vividly. I'm Portuguese and I lived in my country at the moment, never been to America or the US but somehow it never left my mind.

Thank you for sharing your powerful early memory. Sadly, many vivid memories do reflect the impact of tragic events. Many of the events remembered in what came to be called "flashbulb memories" are traumatic (e.g., assassinations, natural disasters, etc.). Theories of variables that account for the permanence of such memories have focused on the intense emotion, the uniqueness of the event, the importance of the event and in some cases, its personal relevance.
Such memories remind us, too, that we are connected to others, such that events that affect others are important to us as well.
Thank you again for contributing such a meaningful memory.

My earliest memory was when I was three or four years old. I was sitting on my mother's lap on the living room sofa. It was during the day. I was facing her. I asked, "Do you love me?" She replied, "Yes, I love you so much" and hugged me tight. All of her affect showed that she meant what she said. Then, almost like with tongue in cheek, I began to ask her how much does she love me by comparing her love of me to other things that she may love. Although I don't remember all of the things that I used as comparison, I guess it would have been of things that I had knowledge. So, for example, it may have been something like --- "Do you love me more than you love ice cream?" I asked three times and used three different objects. To each question, she enthusiastically confirmed that she loved me way more than any of those objects. Finally, I asked (and I remember this one vividly), "Do you love me more than you love God?" I was raised in a Christian home and God was extremely important to me and my family. I don't remember her exact words but she basically let me know that she loves me so much but that no one should ever love anyone else and any thing more than they love God. That resonated with me and I was satisfied with that answer and didn't ask anymore "Do you love me?" or "Do you love me more than____?" questions. I want to point out that my initial question of "Do you love me" was a serious question; the series of "Do you love me more than____?" questions were more playful, tongue in cheek and I was kind of testing my mother and looking for what kind of reaction I would get from her. So, that was my earliest memory.

Thank you so much for your most interesting early memory. Your recall for an event that you experienced at such a young age is incredibly detailed and complex. Your memory is quite distinctive in its inclusion of metacognitive reflection on your motivation and your acceptance of your mother's response. Many people think that young children are concrete in their thinking to the exclusion of abstract reasoning. Your example illustrates how a very young child can begin to reason abstractly, as they reach beyond the concrete reality they know.
Thanks again for sharing such a wonderful early memory.

I was standing at our big living room window, and my mother was kneeling next to me with her arm around me. "Wave goodbye to daddy," she said. I waved, and my dad waved back and smiled from the pale green Studebaker as he drove off in the snow. The only time we lived where it snowed and had a Studebaker was the winter of 1954-1955, when I was ten months to a year and one month old.

Thank you so much for contributing your very early memory. Your memory is so valuable, because you are able to validate the approximate age at which you had the experience. Most people lack the type of key markers by which to anchor the event in time. Your recall is remarkable for its precise detail (e.g., your mother's arm around you). Your memory is also distinctive, because it is quite unusual to have as much verbal detail along with the non-verbal at such a young age. Not many memories date to ten to 13 months old, and those that do are generally characterized by non-verbal content.
Thank you so much for sharing this very interesting early memory.

The first memory I can recall was of me sitting on my mother's lap. I was quite young, under a year and ten months, and clearly remember the warmth and softness of her body against mine. I remember how my head fit between her breasts and how her hands gently held me to her. My grandparents were over at the time and were sitting with my parents and I in the sunroom. My mom was in a rocking chair, as I could feel her rocking lightly, and either my dad or my grandfather was sitting in front of us, right next to the window. He had his legs crossed and I think he had a beer in hand--anything above his leg is white in the memory or a grey-ish, shadowy form. Everyone was happy and laughing loudly, especially my mother, who I was extremely frustrated with. I was repeatedly trying to get her attention with "Mom! Mom!" but she wouldn't listen to me. I was moving my lips to speak the words to her, believing I was actually saying them. I now realize I was probably only babbling, which seems about right since the laughter increased with my attempts. Even though I was frustrated with everyone, I was happy they were all there with me. It's still one of my fondest memories. I know that I was under a year and ten months old because that was the age I was at when my brother was born, and he wasn't in that memory. My grandpa also didn't have a walker in the memory and was still alive (he got the walker when I was three and died when I was four). I have three memories with my grandpa still alive, and two before my brother was born. All memories after my first are clearer, are more coherent, and have more vibrant colors in them.

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful memory. Your memory is extraordinary in a number of respects. It is a memory of an event at one of the youngest ages described in research studies of early memories. It is extraordinary also because of the intimate details, not only of the situations and people around you, but also of your own thoughts and feelings.
Your ability to date the event by temporal markers is important. Many memories date to stories or retelling of the event rather than to the actual experience itself. Although there is no way to validate the total accuracy of very early memories, your approach is very helpful in increasing the likelihood of accuracy.
Thank you for contributing such an interesting and beautiful memory.

I'd like to share my early memory. Right now I'm 19 years old and the oldest memory I have is from when I was a four months old baby. My mother was holding me in her arms, my dad standing near us while we were standing on a dirt path near a lake. There was a rope swing hanging from a swing and my four sibilings were all swinging from it into the water. When it was time to leave my brother Ryan begged our parents to ride home in the trunk, I remember seeing him climb in and my parents shut the door(I'm not sure if he stayed in there for the whole ride. I remember my other siblings all having to squish into the back seat next to me due to the lack of room. When I told my parents about this they were shocked, they could hardly remember the events themselves and we're surprised that I could remember because they said I was only about four months old!

My first memory was one of darkness and a state of consciousness. I didn't think anything, but experienced a state of darkness. That seemed to happen for a long time. My next memory was when I was about 2 years old, standing outside the front of our house, looking through the front screen door and down to the back screen door. Wanted to pee but didn't know where the loo was. So peed in my pants. Also have plenty of memories before age 5, including waking up and seeing a little old man with a grey beard floating past my bed.

Sigh. What could've been an insightful column instead devolved into yet another cheer lead for diversity. As if the topic of childhood psychology couldn't possibly be important without. Then, the column derides our memories as "don't inform others who we are," (they do, once strung together) before going on a tangent (taking an important subject like child abuse) simply to admonish others for their right to form an opinion. Anyone else feeling sufficiently insulted?

My oldest memory was likely before I learned to walk. I remember the feeling of frustration and helplessness, unable to stand on my own legs and being stuck in one place(a crib) for long periods of time. Being unable to talk or form words. I also remember being carried by my mother to a birthday party, unclear if it was mine.

Thank you so much for contributing your oldest memories. Memories such as these for experiences before a child is verbal are very unusual. Your examples are consistent with the theory that memories for the earliest period of infancy are rare, because they had been stored in non-verbal formats and are therefore difficult to retrieve by adult verbal retrieval cues. As would be expected by the theory, your memories focus on feelings and sensory-motor experiences.
Thanks so much for your valuable contribution!

My earliest memory is wen I was about a year old. We were at my grandparents house and my mother and I along with her younger sister were in a back bedroom. I recall my mother handing me to her sister to hold and how frightened I became, wanting to return to my mother's arms. I'm sure that my mother needed a break from holding me; I was a big girl and heavy, wasn't walking yet and she was 7 months pregnant. I also remember later when I was 18 months old and my brother was 3 months old. I loved to brush my wrist along his lips. His lips were so soft.

Thank you so much for sharing your early memories. Recalling such a detailed specific memory from approximately 1 year old is remarkable. Do you have additional memories from this early period between 1 and 2 years old?
I appreciate your thoughtful contribution of these rich early memories!

I have memories that I've dated, with the help of my mom, from the age of 1-1.5 years old. I remember a yellow kitchen with a dinette that sat in front of a window that faced the backyard. I remember coming up to the dinette where my mom was drinking coffee with a neighbor lady. When I looked up at my mom, she gave me a teaspoonful of coffee. The sun was shining and it was one of the few happy memories for me concerning my mom. The abuse started very young...
I also remember being in the living room, which had light green walls, with a hallway to the bedrooms, jumping on the sofa with my two brothers, in front of a picture window. I knew we weren't allowed to do this, but it sure was fun!

Thank you so much for sharing your very early memories. Having your mother's help in verifying the age of these experiences is especially valuable. You didn't mention it, but I wonder if your brothers remember similar experiences. I hope that the resilience you show in your post has benefitted you over the years.
I know many readers will appreciate that you have shared these memories.