Now it's Cheney's turn to duck

Comedians get off some pretty good shots

By MIKE LEWIS, P-I REPORTER

Published
10:00 pm PST, Monday, February 13, 2006

One errant shot later and he's Duck! Cheney.

Seldom do talk-show hosts, bloggers and comedy writers get such ready cannon fodder to begin the workweek as they did when Vice President Dick Cheney peppered a longtime benefactor with birdshot while hunting quail.

Local radio personalities, always hungry for topics, gorged on the Saturday incident.

"Everybody in broadcasting was expecting this to be the top (story) as soon as we heard it," said KIRO radio's Dave Ross, who hosts an afternoon show.

KTTH's morning talker David Boze agreed. He opened Monday with the accidental shooting in his 5 a.m.-to-9 a.m. slot.

Newsweek's Andy Borowitz reported that the federal government had issued a color-coded "Cheney Alert" to warn of future attacks. "What we have learned, the hard way, is that Dick Cheney can attack without warning," a faux Homeland Security boss Michael Chertoff declared.

Jay Leno: "The weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear."

On Craigslist one satirical posting had Cheney blaming the shooting on "faulty intelligence" and contributors on another forum -- mostly serious -- wondered why it took the White House 22 hours to release the information.

"Burr, as us history buffs well know, shot and killed fellow founding father Alexander Hamilton on July 11, 1804, in Weehawken, N.J., in the most famous duel in American history."

By Monday evening, Goldstein's posting had 161 responses. The 42-year-old said he knew the shooting would bring traffic, even if it won't have much of a shelf life.

When he heard about the accident, he first checked to see if the victim, Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old lawyer, was OK. When he found out the man was in stable condition, it was, um, open season.

"What about the nature of the hunting trip?" he asked in an interview. "Those hunting lodges where they raise the birds are the avian equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel. You could do this at a zoo. The guy (Cheney) just likes to kill things.

"(Hitting Whittington) was probably more sporting than the shooting of the birds."

Few likely were happier about the news -- and the victim's generally good condition -- than the writers of Comedy Central's mock news program, "The Daily Show." Too busy with the bounty to answer questions, the show's producers instead sent along an advance copy of Monday night's script.

Host Jon Stewart: "For more on the story, let's go out to correspondent Ed Helms, who is live in Corpus Christi, Texas. Ed?"

Helms: "Jon, I'm here at the hospital where Austin lawyer and Republican fund-raiser Harry Whittington is in stable condition after being shot by Vice President Dick Cheney during a weekend quail-hunting expedition. ... I'll be here all day with continuous coverage of how Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78-year-old man in the face after he mistook him for a small bird."

Even politicians took aim, including the head of Cheney's home state. Offered Wyoming Gov. Dave Freudenthal: "I would be proud to hunt with the vice president -- cautious, but proud."