Answers

It sounds to me like you may actually need some professional help on this one, and you may actually have to turn to the adult protective services in your area to see what you can do if anything. The adult protective services specializes in elder matters, and they can advise you what to do. One thing that you may have to do is either become POA or even a guardian. There were actually two elderly people in my neighborhood who had the adult protective services intervene, and some matters were resolved when family just wasn't there or could not take care of the matter themselves. I strongly suggest turning for help from the pros who deal with stuff like this every day. They really are of great help.

Sounds like your mother is channeling her anger at you. There may come a time when she'll be more reliant, as she gradually needs more help, but apparently right now she's in an denial and adjustment phase and resisting acceptance of her new situation. I can't blame her - it must be frightening to have the limitations of health suddenly become an unwanted daily companion.

I honestly don't know what to suggest as your mother may need time to accept that her limitations aren't life threatening now, or I assume they're not. Was she left with any permanent issues from the stroke?

In my area one of the local hospitals sponsors a stroke support group. I believe that there are medical speakers as well as sessions in which participants share experiences and coping mechanisms. It might help your mother, but if she doesn't go, perhaps you could to see if you could get any ideas from someone who might have faced the same situation.

Other than that, I don't know of any way to force your mother to take her pills, especially if she knows that not taking them will shorten her life. But it could get worse along the way if she DOESN'T take them.

For your father, there are blister packs in which one pill is dispensed at a time, but I think it can also be confusing as to how many and what need to be taken unless individual pills can be aggregated together for each different morning, lunch, supper and bedtime grouping.

There's another thread from a similar issue raised a few weeks or so ago.

There are some good suggestions there that might work for your father. My father found a color coded chart helpful for him. That might work for your father - color code the medicine boxes to match the chart, with instructions on when to take them. But do you think he could follow something like this?

I'm wondering also if your mother would be willing to help him with his meds? She may choose not to take hers, but your father does have his own right and privilege to make his own decisions.

Alternately, are there any relatives, friends and/or neighbors you trust who could help him select the right meds while you're gone? Alternately, if you divide them into ones for each time of day, and again color code them, you could call him 3x daily to remind him. But that doesn't seem like a very efficient way of handling the issue.

Perhaps others can be of more help. I would be concerned too if I were in your position.

Garden Artist, Yes, mom has dementia issues and had a stroke in May. It is sad to see her, she will never be the same. She always is angry when I come over, she said she doesn't want me in her home. I did try the pill box for my mom, that didn't help. She just wants to die basically. She doesn't like not being who she use to be.Dad is just old, and has always been taken care of. He has a hip problem, but due to allergies and other meds is limited. He has problems walking.I did have a 4 section pill box for him also, I think they are very confusing. Thank you for your help.

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