Sam Sifton stopped by the Today Show this morning to provide Thanksgiving disaster relief to at-home viewers ahead of time this year, so that they may avoid their culinary blunders of holidays past.

One viewer asked: when slicing the turkey breast, is it proper to slice front to back, or across the breast?

“Across the breast, every time,” Sifton swiftly answered. “This is like surgery. You want to come back to the kitchen where you’re all alone, and just cut big, confident strokes.”

He blames “the Norman Rockwell ideal” for perpetuating the notion that dads are supposed to stand at the table and carve slices of breast off the bird itself to serve up to their families. But 1950s Americana is lying to you about proper foul butchery.

On a related note, we’re pretty sure the viewer who asked how to get her cranberries to “gel” when making them from scratch is mistaken about what cranberry sauce actually is. It’s a coulis. It’s not supposed to have the consistency of what came out of the can in the aforementioned period of 1950s processed food Americana. You want them to be gelled because you want to feel like you’re in a Rockwell painting. But guess what guys? Rockwell knew shit about cranberry sauce. Or carving turkeys. Ladies and gentleman, we give you Sam Sifton.