When There’s Nothing Left for You

We spent (essentially) the entire fall season sick. It started with my son throwing up all over me in the middle of the night followed by five nights and five days of fever.

Also: five days and five nights of no sleep for me.

By day four, I was breaking down.

Day four happened to land on my birthday; I threw myself a pity party the entire day – basically allowing myself to wallow in the exhaustion and crappiness of it all.

The next day, the fever broke and things slowly began to improve. Then, a week later, I came down with a flu that transformed into five weeks of snot, sore throat, coughing and more exhaustion as both my son and husband also ended up catching the same bug.

During this time, all I could do was whatever was absolutely necessary to get through the day.

Self-care went out the window.

There was simply not a moment of time for myself.

No time to be at my altar, to meditate, to exercise, to do anything that might alleviate the exhaustion and help my body recover faster.

Every moment was spent caring for my son. That, or attempting to catch a moment of rest.

When there’s nothing left for you.

Looking back, I find myself asking: what does a person do when they have nothing left for themselves?

I had nothing left for myself – no energy, no time, nothing left for myself during this endless stretch.

I know I’m not alone in this.

I’m guessing you’ve also had periods of time (perhaps you are in one now) where just keeping up with the demands of life stretched you to the upmost limits of your endurance and vitality.

Perhaps you

like me, have recently experienced a long bought of sickness.

are caring ongoing for a loved one with chronic pain or illness.

have simply over committed in life and are continually pulled in every direction but towards yourself.

also feel isolated, unloved, unsupported.

So again, how does one care for themselves when all their energy has already been spent caring for others?

For me, caring for myself meant trusting that even though I had absolutely no sense of being supported or loved during this time (I felt utterly isolated and alone and uncared for) that I was, none-the-less, being supported and held.

I do have some proof of this truth.

Allowing myself to receive.

At some point during this endless stretch, I received support from a colleague in the form of her holding space for me as I touched in with my ancestors… something I’d felt incapable of doing on my own.

They told me unequivocally that they were there, that I wasn’t alone and that it was my focus on the story of ‘feeling so unsupported and unloved’ that was blocking me from being able to feel and receive their support.

I could feel the truth of this and resolved to release that story.

Following that session, I slowly began to open myself up to receiving and feeling more support.

So now, here I am a couple of weeks out of the weeds.

Looking back, I can see with much more clarity that I was supported throughout this time.

Yes, I was so tired and my head was so clogged with snot that I couldn’t feel it but it most definitely was there. I was being held/carried throughout.

Which brings me to today. And to you.

Are you

exhausted?

going through your own personal version of my story?

feeling overwhelmed by the demands of this time of year (the holidays?