My theory is that Gov. Jan Brewer is enlightened and prescient and has secretly been in touch with Stephen Hawkin. This world-famous astrophysicist warns that, far from being lovable for sure, ETish creatures, aliens may come to kill us or suck up all of earth’s resources. Aliens, get it?

“If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America,” Hawkin says, “which didn’t turn out well for the native Americans.”

Exactly. Now we get back to Gov. Brewer’s priorities. How to spot the aliens before they can, for example, carry out a Hawkinian scenario and steal all the energy from the sun?

Shouldn’t we require true Earthlings to carry Planetary IDs?

Granted, the aliens may look like repulsive insects, but what if they’re more like George Clooney or even Ms. Anti-Alien Herself, Sigourney Waver? Just how will we know?

Now here is the really disturbing fact. The Bushes and Mike Allen are whites. Just like oft-ET-sounding Sarah Palin and Jan Brewer herself, and me, too. More and more, in forthcoming decades, we’ll be the odd ones, given U.S. demographics favoring minorities, including those dreaded Hispanics, whether or not more of them arrive.

Could the day come when we Caucasians will be forced to carry identity cards, especially given all the suspicions that the Bushes have understandably raised about the white race’s planetary origins?

No discrimination! The only true solution is a Planetary ID for all Earthlings.