Oh hello, double shot of None of the Above. After the mind-melting explorations of Cosmos, it’s kind of a relief to see Tim Shaw and his rapid-fire street science. (Street science is like street magic, only not lies.) Sometimes, I just need a man to saw a beer bottle in half using the power of ice water.

Not pictured: Cosmos

Anyway, we’re going to talk about these shows NOTA-style: with multiple-choice questions. Now, there are no wrong answers in life… but there are wrong answers to these quizzes. Remember to keep your score using a pencil. Also remember to use your pencil on paper because it’s hard to erase from the computer screen. Ready to party? Let’s do it.

“Blown Apart” – the first roast of this NOTA twice-baked potato – features explosions. You may have guessed that from the title. Right off the bat, Tim attempts to detonate a garden shed with one of four accelerants. Yet, there’s more happening in this segment than the old electric match/explosive substance combination. I guess what I’m saying is what’s going on with this guy?

Is he:

A) A local musician who is both blind and deaf and therefore unable to react to what is amazing to everyone else
B) Too cool for school
C) Digitally added to the episode by an editor as an inside joke (“It’s Carl from my building!”)
D) Really satisfied with himself because he was right

The answer is D, although I won’t rule out answer B. He picked the butane, because if you learn anything from NOTA, it’s that gasoline isn’t as explosive as every action movie insists. Disappointing, I know.

Jumping ahead about 17 minutes, we meet my first star of the night. While I like that NOTA disposes of niceties like introductions, I really wish I knew his name. Tim calls him what sounds like “Molly”, but he doesn’t look like a Molly. However, since I have no imagination or alternative, I’m just going to call him Molly.

(L) Molly, (R) Not Molly

When Tim suggests that hook and loop fasteners (like Velcro) are much stronger than you’d suspect, Molly plays the skeptic. But as more and more weight is added to the test, Molly really comes around.

My question: who is happier than that guy? Is it:

A) A new father seeing his son for the first time
B) The only kid in history who ever got an actual pony when she asked Santa for it
C) No one, ever, in the history of humankind
D) Me visiting the Ben & Jerry’s factory

While I have been known to house a pint of B&J’s every now and then, the answer is actually C. Look at him! Pure joy. I want to tattoo that face on my back.

The back nine of this NOTA double dose is entitled “Spitting Fire” and it disappointingly lacks in dragons. Instead, we get this unenthusiastic kitchen crew:

(L to R) Aggravated, Annoyed, Sleepy, and Angry prep the dinner shift

I don’t know what conversation Tim walked into here, but the timing doesn’t seem great. I’ve watched enough unscripted TV to know when something is actually unexpected and ill-timed. This seems like one of those things. My question is, what heck did Tim just walk into? Was it:

A) An argument about the culinary merits of cilantro
B) Angry was publically firing Aggravated
C) A heated disagreement between Beliebers and non-Beliebers
D) God only knows, but it’s going to be a long shift

While we can’t actually be certain in this case, it was most likely A. Everyone knows cilantro is gross. IT TASTES LIKE SOAP.

Also, Tim uses a matchstick, a pint glass, and a microwave to make plasma. So that’s pretty cool.

Calculate your score!

0 correct – don’t sweat it, your mind was still scattered from Neil deGrasse Tyson totally blowing it while you were watching Cosmos