Jerks: Obama Tells Medvedev to Tell Putin He Needs “Space”

Oh my God. Well, first of all hi. Second of all, did you hear what happened with Barack and Dmitry this morning? Dmitry? Medvedev? From college? You know him. Think. Jess had a thing for him sophomore year and dressed up as Harpo Marx because she heard he was going for Halloween as Groucho Marx but it turned out he was going for Halloween as Karl Marx? And everyone was like, Jess, are you an idiot? Whatever, you know him.

So anyway, today in Seoul, South Korea, Barack and Dmitry were talking after some meeting on the way to a press conference, but they didn’t realize microphones could pick up what they were saying. Barack totally asked Dmitry to ask Vladimir—Putin, you know, from spin class?—to give him space! He was like, “On all these issues, but particularly missile defense, this, this can be solved but it’s important for him to give me space.” And Dmitry was totally like, “Yeah, I understand. I understand your message about space. Space for you.” And then Barack was like, “This is my last election. After my election I have more flexibility.” And Dmitry was like, “I understand. I will transmit this information to Vladimir.”

It’s so ridiculous; if Barack needed “space” or whatever he should have just asked Vladimir himself. It’s so whatever to, like, go through his little friend. Vladimir should take this as a sign that he totally dodged a bullet: he should have space from a person who asks for space through a third party. So immature. A long distance thing is hard, but this is just going to make it a thousand times harder. Dmitry should have been, “Uh, no. You tell him. I’m pretty sure he’s on Gchat right now, anyway.” Ridic.