We're told it fuels our productive day. It keeps our metabolism humming. It's the key to weight control and good health.

Well, maybe that's how it works in some nutritionist's fantasy world, where laborers powered by fruit, poached eggs and dry whole wheat toast stride off to the construction site, and where office-workers energized by a bowl of oatmeal and plain yogurt sprinkled with granola bound out of the house to their cubicles.

However, back here on Planet Earth, those kinds of breakfasts don't jibe with reality. I've just recovered from Over Easy and Ranch House Grille, two popular a.m. spots where breakfast doesn't so much start your day as stop it dead in its tracks. After each of my morning slogs through various forms of fried cholesterol and sugared carbohydrates, I went home pole-axed, unable to move, or even think. I'm convinced that the traditional American breakfast is insidious, as great a threat to workplace productivity as the office Christmas party, NCAA pool and incompetent bosses.

Of course, the devilish part of it is that these breakfasts can be really tasty. To optimize your experience, I'd suggest that your post-breakfast plans include nothing more challenging than watering your plants, petting your dog and plumping up the pillows on your sofa in preparation for a nap.

Over Easy

Aaron May, who presides over north Scottsdale's terrific Sol y Sombra, certainly isn't phoning it in at five-month-old Over Easy. But he doesn't seem to be going all-out, all the time, either.

This is one sunny spot, with bright yellow walls, old-fashioned dinette tables and Jetson-style stools at the counter. While the HD television tuned to ESPN clashes with the retro feel, you do get all the late-night scores.

On a nice morning, though, the cheery shaded patio is where you want to be. Sign yourself in on the waiting list, and then pass the time going through Over Easy's batch of newspapers. The perky servers - all morning people, apparently - are just as sunny as the setting.

Given May's pedigree, I thought Over Easy might be an Arcadia version of downtown's Matt's Big Breakfast. But neither the ingredients nor the cooking consistently lived up to those expectations.

Take the lox, eggs and onions ($10). This is a New York Jewish deli classic, but May's version is too genteel for my Big Apple DNA. Insufficiently sautéed onion and inferior lox are the principal culprits. Moreover, the delicate "country potatoes" alongside are light, greaseless and utterly lacking in character. This platter is aimed at bland Middle America.

Pancakes ($5), thick and fluffy, and flavorful malted waffles ($5) are both perfectly fine, if not inspired. But the French toast ($5) is dry - it needs to be eggier. And why not charge a bit more and use thick bread, like challah, or something with a little more pizzazz, like cinnamon raisin loaf?

The kitchen gets cute with the "Over Easy" ($9). It works, too: a toasted brioche filled with fried egg, bacon and a bit of spinach that tries to subliminally trick you into thinking you're starting the day on a healthful note.

A waitress told me the two most popular dishes here are the chicken-fried steak ($8) and the "wolf pack" ($8). In both cases, the customers have nailed it.

The wonderful chicken-fried steak is properly crisp and tender, topped by a fried egg and smothered with thick country gravy. And the wolf pack is a heart-stopping combination of eggs, bacon and cheese sandwiched between layers of hash browns. You probably don't want to eat either of them right before an important meeting. .

Other happy touches at Over Easy include superb cherry scones ($4), fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice ($3), loose-leaf tea ($3) and strong coffee ($2). But May ought to be embarrassed by the low-quality sausage ($3) and dreadful, freezer-bag tater tots ($3).

Ranch House Grille

Unlike Over Easy, Ranch House Grille actually offers nutritionist-beloved breakfast items like fruit cups ($3), oatmeal ($3.50), granola ($3.50) and cottage cheese ($2.50). But if you ordered them, the super-friendly, "how-ya-doin'-hon" waitresses would probably go into shock. Make no mistake - Ranch House Grille is not for the faint of artery.

It's a very cute place, set in a modest retail strip. The tables are covered with flower-pattern oilcloth, while kachina dolls and pictures of Western landscapes furnish Arizona touches. Newspapers and coloring books send signals that you can linger and bring the family.

It's no surprise that the kitchen knows what it's doing. The Cline family has been operating a Ranch House Grille in Page for years, and this branch draws on the expertise.

You can also celebrate the Southwest with the hefty chorizo burrito ($7.50), flavorfully stuffed with green chile, onion and cheese, and supplemented by little plastic containers filled with salsa, guacamole and sour cream. When you take a bite, the chorizo oils come oozing out, a primally satisfying experience. Less messy, but no less appealing, are huevos rancheros ($8.50), three eggs whose distinction comes from a coating of fragrantly mild pork chile verde, along with sides of rice and excellent beans.

Other breakfast fare is more generic. The thin-sliced French toast ($5.75) and pancakes ($4.50) are nothing special. An omelet put together with ham, green chile and cheese ($8) delivers only marginally more oomph.

Most everything comes with sides. The ones you want are the Southwestern hash browns, embellished with green pepper, chile, onions and cheese, and biscuits and gravy (50-cent supplement), a step up from toast or English muffin.

Break the news gently to the waitress that you want a fruit cup. You'll be rewarded with fresh melon, pineapple and citrus, and a sense of relief that you might not have completely blown the recommended daily allowance of calories and fat grams before 10 a.m.