The one thing I wish I could change about myself…

So I think everyone has at least one thing they struggle with, that they wish they could change and/or always strive to overcome. For me, you would think it was my anxiety- but it isn’t. Do I wish I didn’t have it? Yes and no, if I’m being honest. Like I’ve said before, working to overcome it has led me to find out who I really am. It is a journey I don’t take lightly, and I’m not sure I would be the same person if I didn’t carry this involuntary roommate around with me all the time.

The one thing I struggle with, that I have struggled with my adult life, is my weight. Since college, when I gained more than my fair share of the freshman fifteen, I have had weight issues. I have tried and failed at so many diets- Quick Weight Loss, South Beach, low carb/low fat, Keto…. I do great for a while and then go have pizza one night and look who fell off the wagon. Factor in a 9lb8oz Biggie and 9lb12oz Smalls within three years of each other and you can imagine the #MomBod I see in the mirror. (Yes, they were huge, please pity me internet, it was hard. I’ve already started making them feel guilty about it).

I read a lot of self help and inspirational quotes in general in my sagely 30’s about how our bodies are amazing to have created and carried life and I TOTALLY agree with this. We sacrifice 10 months of our lives as a host to a parasite, and our bodies are truly never the same afterwards. My body accommodated life twice, and came back together in totally different ways both times. I don’t give my body enough credit for the hard work and wonderful things it has done in 32 years of life.

My biggest hurdle, especially right now as I struggle to get back to some type of healthy eating schedule, is that our self worth is not defined by the number on the scale. Read that again: OUR SELF WORTH IS NOT DEFINED BY THE NUMBER ON THE SCALE! I am a great mother, wife and friend. Yet I think I am less of a person because of my outward appearance. That is a horrible way to feel, and a horrible way to think the world perceives me. I know if I struggle with it, tons of other moms do too. One thing I know is that I need to listen to my body, which is tired of all the carbs and sugar and is telling me to knock it the fuck off. So I’m going to listen, and try to do better. Because now that I think about it, this is just another way to show up for myself, which helps me take care of my family. Do something to take care of yourself today, and I will do the same.