Friday, July 31, 2015

Starting a new series. This book has been sitting on my Kindle for long awhile now. I'll find July 24th and start there. A few prayers won't hurt us, right? Keep in mind he's a marriage counselor and preacher so this is heavy on religion which won't hurt us, right? Feel free to skip without judgment.

The building blocks of relationships, such as good communication, respect, unconditional love, and forgiveness, are fundamental to any relationship. Whether your relationships are strong or struggling, stable or challenging, the words within this series I hope will encourage you and give anyone renewed joy with each other. May your relationships be strengthened this year on out as we try to focus on living and growing together.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

"I was at extremes always. Very controlling, then chaotic. Silent, then rageful. Judgmental and then not giving a damn. I would go from one extreme to to the other. Because I was so hard on myself, I threw the baby out with the bathwater, and one or times too often. The regret it. In general, my way of life was one extreme or another--trying to be the best or worst, shut down or acting out. After
and in between acting out, getting some god-awful thing that needed a doctor's attention or badly hurt, I would swear off women entirely and go into acting in mode, shut down, nothing. I was acting in or acting out
throughout my life until I got sent here, well, there. Many years of the
same pattern, over and over. Terrified of what was going on, I would decide to shut
down and stay that way--no risks, isolated, shut down, rigid. I
would get into rigid rule mode setting for her and me in order to control the
chaos. While acting out in rage, I made no pretense of "normal." My job in was the "straight" part of my double life. I went from totally denying my needs to being excessively needy. It was a continuous cycle throughout my life."
"And now you're standing here chatting with me."
"This is the stuff you want me to say, right?"
"Not until you want to."

Friday, July 24, 2015

Down by the waterfront off the beaten path near the bridge Garrett presses his foot against the brick wall then sinks back onto it to brace himself saying, "I think I emit some frequency only women addicted to lost causes can hear as I agonize over
existential despair and the futility of life bleating like a spoiled, self-pitying narcissist appalled by the disconnect between my true self and others’ idealized projections of me."
"This is progress. This is self-truth," Rick responds."Progress?"
"Yes, life isn't a comedy. But you need to tell this to group, man. When you're ready of course, and not until then."

Putting the Green in Greenhouse by Tom Buechner

"I think I didn't realize I wouldn't be able to retrieve all the opportunities I threw away then. You're not the only one whose done stupid things to himself," Rick says breaking the silence between them almost reading his mind. "Just know you'll get on with your life and gifts will come into it."

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

It's a valid question she might ask herself as she too reevaluates her life feeling she needs to increase defenses, bolt down her hatches, pull down her mast and idle for a spell. Twilight arrived. She steps outside and looks up one last time thinking, "There were whole civilizations who believe they could see their destiny in the stars."

"Walk with me," Rick says nodding toward the door. Garrett pulls on the brim of his baseball hat pulling it down to block the glare of the overly lit room saying, "Why is this place bright like Target?"
"Dunno," Rick says pushing through the glass door Garrett entered when he made the turn drawn by something then saw her as if it happened minutes ago only it's forever ago now resigning he may never seeing her again. Besides he's priorities within priorities now: him.

"Volatility is part of the poison." She can't read further. Closing her Kindle she stuffs it into her purse. That last sentence left her feeling an incredible sense of helplessness for the character, because after awhile there won't be a cornerstone left standing. He will in turn explode taking with him the center. If he stays on course nothing will be left. Her question is can anyone stop him from raging the machine? Convince them they're more than a roughneck guy who got lucky? "How could someone so enthusiastic end up so lethargic?" she asks herself.

"Real spoons," Garrett says after licking and dropping his in a metal bin for used utensils noticing its sound intensified. Rick keeps quiet. After a few sips to the sweet coffee Garrett offers wistfully, "Destiny is the name the fortunate give to their fortunes."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That means people never call bad things destiny."

Monday, July 20, 2015

Forcing her attention back to her Kindle the page populates the screen on touch to a book called "The Diplomat." A book about a doomed man ordering his career destroyed before withdrawal, and a woman's diplomatic attempt to convince him not to execute the plan. "It's unbearable. Even if it fits no strategic purpose it must be flattened."

There was an almost electrical charge, as Rick has put it – and a subsequent deep change in Garrett’s being. Rick was full of hope but no signal came from Garrett he that he was ready to approach the podium.

The buzzing vibe in the overly lit room by ceiling fixtures is more audible now made inviting by the chinking spoons from vintage White Tower mugs. The thick ceramic mugs were donated by an anonymous sponsor. The lights nearly blind Garrett while he scans the room for his sponsor Rick.

Before the bus completes loading all passengers at the busy downtown connection stop she looks back for the name of the place Garrett entered then settles into her seat wiping out her Kindle to read all the way home.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Feeling a cool air-conditioned blast hit his flushed cheeks brings him back to the moment. Inside walking the narrow florescent lighted hallway to his group meeting Garrett thinks, "We all worry about going mad, don't we. How would we know? Those of us that live in our minds anyway."