30 July 2014

In walking the Desteni I Process, the tools we have available are breathing, writing, self forgiveness, self commitment statements and self corrective application. In this blog I'm going to share my perspective and experience in relation to the corrective application.So what does 'self-corrective application' mean? It means, that after one has done their self-investigative writing about a particular reaction or behavior or pattern that one continually lives out, and applies the self forgiveness as taking back the self-responsibility one has to this particular living acceptance of self, then one takes it into the corrective application. Meaning - one takes it into real time/real living application.Let's look at an example - in a recent blog titled, "When Desire is Driving," I wrote about this desire energy that I have noticed comes up in certain experiences in my life, wherein once I have decided upon something, whatever it may be, I will go into this energy of desire as the driving force propelling me forward to get to this particular point or thing that is what I am after - yet within this, it's not 'me' from the perspective that it's not me, in self honesty or self awareness making that decision to get what it is that I want, which for this example I am using, I was desiring to know more than what one was willing or able to share in a moment, and I was relentless in pushing them to tell me, regardless of how they felt or what they were experiencing - the only thing I was concerned with or that mattered to me was getting the information, to satisfy this apparent 'need to know'. So this was like a possession wherein I could not or did not stop myself, breathe and SEE what the hell it was I was doing, instead I went fully into this desire energy as moving me to act out this particular pattern of getting what I want, regardless of how others may be effected. Obviously this is quite selfish and limited in that I was only thinking about myself and did not care how perhaps uncomfortable I was making another person, so clearly also there is no principle of 'do unto another what you would have done unto you'.So through writing the self forgiveness in relation to this particular pattern that I see 'comes over me' in specific moment, I also wrote out commitment statements, like little scripts for me to follow when/as this desire energy comes again, as it will come again because that is the process - we have spent years living out the same habitual thinking and living patterns that have 'become us' and so it will take time to walk through those types of 'ways of being', to prove to ourselves that we have in fact stopped, took responsibility/stood equal to who we have become, and in fact changed the pattern as who we are, which would be transcendence.Now from the self-commitment statements of what I will commit to in terms of how I will practically LIVE the changes, comes the corrective application. It is then, from that moment forward, when/as I see that desire come up within me, to actually, physically in that moment to STOP myself from simply going into it, from trusting it and to instead take a breath. To breathe and slow myself down as a way of taking back control of me in that moment. From there the corrective application is possible, because I am in that moment of taking a breath and stopping myself from going into the same pattern, changing the pattern in NOT allowing it to continue - because I Have seen through writing and self forgiveness the destruction of it, the lack of care of it, the lack of me as life as awareness HERE of it, and I decide to no longer participate/exist as it. So that is the moment of corrective application - to actually LIVE the change in that moment in no longer allowing the same habitual pattern and behavior to continue. It is truly the act of self responsibility and self-directive principle because in that moment of the desire energy rising up wanting to 'take over' and take me into another outcome that I've seen it's consequence and that I can no longer accept and allow, I can stop and decide 'till here no longer' and decide to direct who I am in that moment as to CHANGE the nature of me as no longer accepting and allowing that pattern to exist as me.So that is the corrective application, and the REAL moment of truth in terms of whether we are transcending in our process of change - that is where we test whether our change is real, if we are actually, physically, practically changing in that moment when the opportunity to start new or recreate the same shit comes up.It's almost like the writing and self forgiveness and self commitment statements are the foundation from which we can walk, yet the real truth of 'our standing' within ourselves as self honesty and self directive principle comes in that moment when we are faced with the person we've always been and if we take that moment to NO LONGER accept and allow the same thing to happen over and over again as who we are, but to instead correct our living as an actual creation process - we create who we are in a moment as deciding to correct ourselves as no longer allowing energy or emotions or feelings guide us, because it's not really who we are. Then it's actually ME making the choice as who I am, in self awareness and what I do and how I express, instead of this being that "I've always been" yet I have no recollection of how I created myself to be it/become it.So, in terms of my own experience in relation to self-corrective application - I have seen when I am able to stop in a moment and no longer accept and allow certain thought patterns or beliefs or emotions or feelings to direct me, yet other times it's not as 'easy'. One of the points that I see I still accept and allow to hinder this corrective application is an actual 'want' to hold onto the reaction. It's like one will have an argument with someone, or go into a defense against someone, or have blame towards someone or is judging someone and within this, think and believe one is so utterly right and accurate to have such an experience, that any awareness of self-responsibility goes out the window.. or more like doesn't even exists, and within this, self-correction becomes impossible because the thing we must let go of as the emotional experience/reaction is the one thing we 'want' to exist as/within and hold onto because somehow we justify our position/our stance of being either righteous, powerful or better or more than another - that somehow we are greater than them or even exalted in comparison. Or I mean it can be the opposite as well, where we can victimize and pity ourselves into a point of hopelessness wherein then we can again justify why others are the problem, and we are powerless and thus unable to change. When it's simply another act of separation wherein we separate ourselves as life, from another and instead stay secluded in our own self interest as ego as our mind that defines everything that we do as divine and justified and everything someone else does as simply wrong, wrong, wrong, bad, bad, bad. But this is again only blame and what do we know about blame? We are pointing a finger, yet we see another instead of what they really are which is a mirror - and so who are we really pointing the finger at? Ah yes, ourselves. So it's ourselves we must sort out, take responsibility for, become humble and STOP existing in the same shit that has created, on every level, the way in which our reality currently exists - which is quite simply put, unacceptable.In the next blog I will go into more this experience of wanting to hold onto a particular reaction/experience as not wanting to change it/ourselves and specific self forgiveness as I see and realize that this pattern is one thing that I use to justify why I do not have to change and so as I do not change, nothing else changes and so we have what we've always had and we wonder why nothing gets better.Thanks for reading.

26 July 2014

Recently I was supported to see how much desire motivates me in specific aspects of my life. When I was shown this, although I have seen it specifically throughout this last year, I could not relate as from my perspective, I had been 'working on it' and was seeing the thought patterns and behavior that was coming from this desire energy. So when I heard this again, it was like a cool cross-reference that I was in fact working with the point that requires my attention, yet at the same time, it was like 'not a point' as something that I felt was coming up as much any more, so it was like I 'thought' I had a grip on it. Until it gripped me last night and found myself possessed by this desire energy.After the fact, I realized I had just a first hand look/experience into the extent of this desire energy and how I've allowed it in my life and how it in fact plays out not in just one aspect of my life, in which I was seeing it - but it in fact influences me in many more ways. I mean it's simply a point of wanting something, anything, as long as the mind is made up that 'this is what I want' - nothing can get in the way - full force the desire energy pushes to get what it wants.Last night I saw the consequence and effects on others, where this desire energy can literally push people away. And so, self forgiveness here for the points faced last night in communication with another.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push another to share as to communicate with me about a particular point within/as a starting point of desire wherein I see only what I want, which was for them to share/communicate/tell me about a specific point in their life, and not consider their experience but only want what I want nowI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push another within an energy of desire form/as a starting point of fear - fear they were hiding something from me or keeping something from meI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a paranoia that if one is not willing to share/communicate specific things with me, then that automatically means they are keeping/hiding something from me and to from within this, want to push more as to 'get it out of them' and to stop at nothing to get what I want/desire and actually simply fearI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a desire energy when pushing another to share with me/communicate with me about a particular point in their life within the fear of 'they are hiding something/holding something back from me and to within this, fear that this 'something' will be the cause of some sort of conflict if I do not find out what it is, instead of seeing how my pushing within a desire energy causes more conflict that pushes the other away as I've come to see and realize how forceful the desire energy is and me within it, wherein I just want what I want and do not care how I must get it or how that effects othersI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push another in their process/their life instead of pushing me within my own process/lifeI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within an energy of desire in relation to another as wanting the picture in my head of how our relationship/interaction is 'suppose to be' wherein we must be able to talk about anything at anytime, yet not consider some points may be more difficult then others and thus place myself into a position of patience and support in willing to walk through it with them, instead of forcing/pushing them to be how I expect/want them to beI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within an energy of desire in relation to another and thus not hear them when they said they didn't want to talk about this particular point at this stage and instead only think about myself and what I wantI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet see and realize when this desire energy becomes activated within me as to be aware of myself in each moment to see when there is a change in my physical body, as the energy become more substantial that I see leads to a possession as the desire energy taking over and me being completely consumed with getting what I want, when I want it and not stopping and seeing who I am and what is actually driving me in that momentI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by this energy of desire to the point where I will manipulate another just to get what I wantI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate another in order for them to tell me what it is I was wanting them to communicate to me about, and when they wouldn't, resort to manipulation as attempting to control them/the situation as getting what I want and thus within this, making it about me and what I want and not seeing or considering another and what they want or need in terms of how I interact with them as what would be of best supportI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to let go and let another be when they said they didn't want to share with me yet and instead push them within a fear of missing out on information that could have potentially been used to define me or another, like this information was relevant to me and where I am in my process, or somehow defined me and thus wanting them to share so I was not missing anythingI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become trusting of my experience as 'needing to know' about another and specific points in their life and to not in that moment, stop, breathe and question this inability to simply let it goWhen and as I see myself pushing another to a point where I can see they are resisting me, I stop and I breathe and stabilize myself in that moment as to not allow energy as desire to push me to push them any farther and instead move myself to a point of patience and support as giving them the time and space to process within our communication, allowing myself as well then to consider another as how I would like to be treated and thus step out of my own self interest.I commit myself to hear another when they are saying stop as them not wanting to talk about a specific point at that specific moment, as to not push them into a resistance as I see this desire energy has the force of pushing things away and so too I commit myself to not allow me to only consider myself but others as well as how they are experiencing themselves and how I can change me in a moment to stand as a point of support rather than a point that pushes them away or pushes them into a resistanceWhen and as I see myself manipulating another within my words to get them to do what I want or share something I want them to, I stop and I breathe and do not allow this of myself and instead stabilize myself in that moment, through breathing, before I continue to speak as to stop the pattern of allowing my desire/my want blind me and move me within my own self-interest and so not consider another as myself.

I commit myself to practice patience with others and to pick up on any words or body movements that may suggest for me to stop pushing or slow down and to from this, no longer allow myself to manipulate others for my own desire and instead stand here, equal with/as them in where they are in their process, and where we are equally in physical realityI commit myself to practice slowing down through/as breathing when communicating with another to thus support myself to be able to identify when/as this desire energy becomes activated within me/my body as to be self aware of who I am and thus directive in every moment so that I no longer become possessed by energy that I then act out in ways that I see do not support myself or others

20 July 2014

Here I am continuing with self-corrective statements in relation to the forgiveness written in the previous blog and in relation to a reaction I had towards a co-worker which was actually a gift as seeing me in the mirror as another.

When and as I see myself reacting negatively to a co-worker as their words or voice tonality or how they look at me, I stop and I breathe and stabilize myself through breathing until I am here and clear and no longer participating as accepting the reaction within me as I see, realize and understand that to react to another is to project myself unto another and thus not actually seeing my co-worker, but seeing me through the eyes of the mind as a projection and so here I commit myself to not accept reactions within me towards another, and instead in that moment, bring it back to myself, as I bring myself back to me as breath, and realize, see and understand that there is a key for me to see here as the reaction to my co-worker as who I have been throughout my life and how I have expressed myself and so I commit myself to use the gift of another as the mirror of me to see who I have been throughout my life to thus be able to take responsibility for my self and my part within/as this world that contributes to the whole as humanity

When and as I see myself reacting to a co-worker, through back chats of "I already know this," as they suggest solutions in how to create a more functionally effective work flow and environment I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the reaction of/as my mind and back to me here, as breath and ground/stabilize myself into/as my physical body as I see, realize and understand that this back chat as a reaction is me not HEARING, through not being HERE as my breath, the words of my co-worker as the solution to the problem in which we have/had in terms of running into each other and so instead of reacting as thinking I already know better, to simply here(hear) him out and APPLY that which I know or that he suggests because I see, realize and understand here that if I did actually KNOW what he was saying, then I would have been applying it and we would not been running into each other and so I commit myself to stop allowing my ego as wanting to be right get in the way of becoming humble and applying that which I know so that the knowledge becomes practical in creating a situation that is best for all, and no longer as knowledge in the mind used to feed the ego of self interest as just wanting to be right/know better and so I commit myself to stop distracting myself through the knowledge and information of the mind that I then use to react to others as back chats of 'what I know' and instead work with the physical and stand as the solution in terms of applying myself as that which will create the optimum work environment for all

When and as I see myself going into defense mode in relation to my co-worker as taking personally his words and behaviors, I stop and I breathe and ground myself back into my body and out of the reaction of taking his words/behavior personally, as I see, realize, and understand that while he may be doing that deliberately, in terms of attempting to diminish or belittle me, that is irrelevant as the responsibility is to ME and who I am in that moment, and so I commit myself to practice understanding and actually SEEING of what is here in terms of why he was doing that and to not react, as I see that when I react, I am not actually seeing HIM or his words or his behavior, I am seeing my own mind's fight to be right and better and to basically win the war I am orchestrating within my own mind towards him.

I commit myself to stop seeing others words and behavior towards me as an act of aggression as an act of war, and to within that, want to retaliate, as I see, realize and understand that that is the cause of accepting this world as the wars we perpetuate - I realize the responsibility I have to stopping the outer war is to first stop the inner war and so I commit myself to take full responsibility for the wars I wage within my mind towards others, and to no longer accept this as an acceptable state of being/me and to instead, move myself to a point of understanding and direct seeing as to why some speak and act in ways that they do, and so to within this, not take it personally as making it all about me and instead starting seeing others in how their life is and the experiences they've had that molded who they are and thus can see there is no war accept the one I conjure up within my own mind.

When and as I see myself reacting to my co-worker as his words/behavior as me being stupid or inferior or somehow diminished, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to stability as the breath, as my physical body and no longer accept and allow myself to participate in this giving away of my power as allowing another to determine how I experience myself - I see, realize and understand that no one can determine or define who I am or how I experience myself unless I allow it, and I no longer allow it as I see, realize and understand also that that is me separating me from the responsibility I have to who I am here - within this there is the statement that if I am allowing another to determine how I experience myself, then I can blame and thus I don't have to change, and this is some serious self-sabotage as I realize I am fully able and capable of making my own decision in terms of who I am and what I accept and allow of/as me here, and so I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to be inferior in relation to others or to allow the idea of another and how they perceive me to determine how I experience myself - I take full responsibility for that in this moment

When and as I see myself living out the statement that I am in fact inferior and diminished from/as the words of my co-worker, such as becoming clumsy and uncertain of my movements when around him, I stop and I breathe and ground myself within/as my physical body as getting a grip on who I am and in that moment, stopping my acceptance and allowance of my own self-judgment that I am inferior - I realize, see and understand here that even to say 'he makes me feel inferior/diminished' is another smoke screen as not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am the one actually making the judgment about myself, I am the one actually diminishing myself and so here, I stop and no longer accept and allow this of myself - I commit myself to get a grip on myself as grounding myself in the moment of reactions and not allowing myself to live out/manifest the ideas/projections of how others perceive me as being inferior, and instead make the decision within myself, as that moment, of who I am and I commit myself to stand up for/as myself as no longer allowing myself to be in separation of others or myself, but instead here, clear and fully functioning and participating with physical reality

When and as I see myself participating or expressing myself in ways in which I've projected here on my co-worker, as talking down to others, belittling them, questioning their common sense and overall, standing in judgment of them, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to my body and back to the realization that this is the cause/source/origin as to why I reacted to my co-worker in the first place, as placing myself in the polarity position that I first accepted and allowed of myself - to judge others, to diminish others, to not see, realize or understand within compassion why they are the way that they are and how their life and experience and environment and situations molded and shaped who they are, and so I commit myself to no longer allow myself to be so quick to judge and question others and instead question myself in these moments as to ask myself why am I not seeing with compassion and understanding as to what is really going on here as the words/behavior of another and so I commit myself to start seeing for REAL in terms of understanding/seeing the bigger picture as what shapes one to be who they are and thus stand equal to and one with others/their life as the process in which they've walked to develop their mind, and beingness, realizing and seeing that I was/am subject to the same life conditions and so here I commit myself to give as I would like to receive as treating/seeing/interacting with others from a starting point of compassion, understanding and equality as doing unto them as I would have done unto me.

18 July 2014

The other day at work I was having reactions to a co-worker. It was a negative reaction in perceiving him as ‘talking down’ to me and ‘belittling’ me and basically, feeling like he was questioning my common sense. I noticed that his tonality and the way he expressed his words triggered this reaction within me, and even the way he would look at me while he was talking, I interpreted as him challenging me as basically saying I am not worthy to be even speaking to him – to leave him alone and let him do his job.Now this could be in the context of because I am a ‘new employee’ - I am still aligning myself to the flow of the restaurant, and how my co-workers are in their working space – yet I can see the reason this reaction was triggered within me is simply because it’s a point I've participated/expressed in my own life, towards others. And in not taking responsibility for that, I am instead, here, projecting this unto to my co-worker.It’s like saying, in my life, I have stood as that point of looking down at others, or questioning their common sense, and being so quick to judge someone and expressing that in my words, tonalities and my overall interaction with them. Because I have not yet taken responsibility for that point, that which I've accepted and allowed of myself, I instead look for others (now this is not something I/we are consciously aware of) who can be the point/cause/source origin as the point responsible for me doing unto me what I have done unto others. Basically it's like I am aware I've done it, yet because I did nothing about it in terms of facing it, forgiving it, and correcting it - I instead look for it in others, and go into blaming them for doing it.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to a co worker in thinking and believing he is talking down to meI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to a co worker when he said to me, “Can I give you some criticism” in relation to how we kept bumping into each other throughout the shift, and to within this, feel inferior and diminished within myself, and instead of taking responsibility for this reaction that exists WITHIN ME, instead of blaming HIM as the cause/source/origin for the way that I feel without seeing, realizing and understanding that it exists within me, and thus I am responsible, I am the one creating it within me, accepting and allowing it within me, it is MEAnd so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the suggestion of my co worker, as how to avoid accidents in the work environment, within the back chat of "I already know this", instead of hearing what he had to say and simply apply it, I mean if I knew it, why were we bumping into each other and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself stuck in a reaction towards my co worker instead of applying the solution, as his suggestion, that would support in a more efficient functioning of the work environmentI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved in how I think and perceive how others think about me or perceive me, separating myself from the value of myself and instead place this on others to determine who I am and how I feel about myself and so allowing that to be 'the point' that I focus on, instead of sticking to and working with the physical environment, where I am, what I am doing, thus paying attention to what is HERE and not allowing myself to distract/blind myself through reactions from/as my mind.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into defense in relation to my co worker, after thinking and believing he was talking down to me and belittling me – here I see, realize and understand that the point is not whether he was actually doing this or not, because what I could see is how he speaks to others is how he had been spoken to throughout his life, and so within this, there was a point of understanding/seeing why he was doing what he was doing, yet this insight becomes useless as the reactions exists within me – I am still reacting to the fact that within me, there was a movement of emotions in relation to his words/behavior towards me which is me taking him/his words personally and so that is my responsibility to sort out, to stop all blame and defense and judgment and the ASSUMPTION that he was deliberately trying to diminish me – here again, I realize no one can diminish me or make me feel any way, it’s always Me and what I accept and allow within me and soI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the power to another to determine how I experience myself, as accepting and allowing the words/behavior of my co worker to diminish me and make me feel stupid and inferior, instead of in that moment, stopping and breathing and not accepting and allowing myself to exist within such a reaction or statement of myself as to who I am in relation to others/my co workerI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to bumping into my co worker, in defining myself as clumsy and somehow inadequate, as if I was in the way and to within this, think and believe he was judging me as the ‘new girl’ and that I was somehow inferior because I was not more clear in my movement around the new work environmentI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack my co worker within my mind in blaming him for being mean, in accepting and allowing the idea that my projection of what HE is doing is real and valid, instead of realizing it’s me and so instead of taking responsibility for this realization/responsibility, instead go to war with him within my mind, and to from the initial moments of reactions, stand a little taller as to make a statement of ‘I will not take your crap.”I realize I was playing this whole game within my mind – me making interpretations about my co worker, about how he experiences me, and about how I must ‘be’ around him to assert some kind of power, because in relation to his words, I felt powerless. I realize that I am allowing this powerless-ness to exist within and as me and it’s a simple point I can stop in one moment through breathing and not accepting and allowing myself to participate anymoreI forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the reaction towards my co-worker in that moment, as a projection of myself, as it being ME that has spoken down to others, judged others and attempted to belittle others through my words as questioning their common sense, and so instead of seeing this projection as a gift of seeing myself as who I have been throughout my life, instead participate in the reactions within my mind in thinking and believing, yes indeed - it is in fact him that is to blameI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak down to others and so quick to judge others for how they act and what they say as thinking they have no common sense, and within this, have no compassion or understanding for how their life and experience throughout their life - their environment, their family, their education, etc - shaped and molded who they are and how they express themselves, and so instead of seeing/understanding this and thus NOT accepting myself to judge/attack others, instead realize there is a bigger picture required to be corrected as the REAL problem as to why people are the way that they are and how our environment/world system shapes people to be who they are and so seeing this and standing equal to it (meaning - without judgments, but realizing I in fact am equal in the shaping of who I have become from/as my world/environment/family/education/etc) and so letting go of blame and judgment of others and instead speak from/as within a starting point of understanding and compassion and patience - in fact real equality, as that is how I would like others to treat/speak to me and so be sure I am standing within/as a position to give as I would like to receiveI will continue in the next blog with self corrective statements.

12 July 2014

I've just finished watching the latest Desteni I Process Live Google Hangout (watch here), in where the participants were discussing the point of projection and how within this exists the most amazing gift we can give to ourselves, which is the ability to see who we really are, and of course from seeing for real, in self honesty, the ability we have to actually change and transform ourselves.

This was a very cool discussion for me to see as it brought together some points I have been facing within myself/my life/my process. Last night, while in discussion with another, I asked them to pull an Osho tarot card for me, and the card was Maturity. I, in that moment, said I could not relate, except saying "I need to grow up." What I now see as the relevance of that card in what it was supporting me to see, and what I saw through watching the google hangout, is that I in fact am not allowing myself to mature. Here's why/how:

Projecting unto another can easily be seen when you find yourself saying, "She is doing this.... He did that... They are doing this...." anything that exists as a statement within myself as thoughts or through me actually physically speaking words and contains the point of "THEY, HE, SHE" and is followed by something that is being done to ME that includes a positive feeling or a negative emotion is an act of projection. So what is happening is I am projecting myself unto THEM in a form of blame or judgment, or admiration or attraction, and in that, reacting to what THEY are doing.

I have been well aware of what a projection is, or projecting myself unto others, yet I have not fully allowed myself to utilize this knowledge/information in my own process of getting to know myself and ultimately taking self responsibility for myself. I allow projections to exists as they do, and so within that, not changing, and so remaining the same - essentially stuck in the same self-definition wherein at its roots, resonates a state of victimization and blame, which ultimately is an act of self-separation.

It's self-separation because in saying 'they did this to me', or 'she does this to me', or 'god, I can't stand this about THAT person', I am not taking responsibility for the realization that my reaction towards/about another person is actually about ME, and so I am splitting myself within my mind, into a projection that I then place unto another person, saying "IT'S THEM." And in that, I do not have to put myself back together again, as bringing that point back to myself, seeing how/where/when I live this as myself in my own life and through my relationships.

I still see a lot of reaction towards my family, my co-workers, my partner, other people in my environment and so this shows me that I am not growing/maturing in my process because I have not taken responsibility for the projections I accept and allow within myself. I mean I cannot say that the relationships with my family or friends has changed to a point where there is no conflict within me in relation to them, where there is an actual growing/maturity happening - in fact I see a pattern of it getting worse, where I sink further and further into these reactions, which are basically just projections towards other people/my world, and so in that fuel this want to cut ties with people in blaming 'who they are' and 'how they exist', and all the while not seeing/realize/understanding and thus UTILIZING... actually APPLYING the gift I have of what I see in others as the projections of myself.

It's so easy to stay in the perception that 'it's their fault, and they did this to me, and they are the ones with the problem, and THEY are the one's that need to CHANGE... I am just fine the way I am, I have done nothing wrong, I am innocent and even a victim to their evilness." lol - really, what we are in this accepting and allowing is our own deliberate statement of our-self that says, "I'm not going to Change because THEY are not Changing.. it's THEIR problem, THEY are the ones fucked up." And so in that, I stay the same, because the point that is fueling my relationship to these points/people in my environment originate from WITHIN ME. No one can make me feel anything, no one can cause me to react with negativity - it is in all ways, always ME. Even if one can cause me to feel bad or have a reaction, it is still ME accepting and allowing them to have that power.

Simply put - You are my Mirror and I am yours.

So time to clean up this mess, because as I've heard before, nothing will change unless I change, and the more I accept and allow myself to react to other people (myself) and to this world (myself), the longer I am waiting in walking the process it will take to stop and change what is here as the collective wHOLE as Humanity. I am the missing piece, as the one responsible for my part in this world. And so I must stand up and become a living example for myself and others as to what it will take to change our nature as the process of re-aligning ourselves into principles that are best for all. I mean that would be to live maturity as who I am, actually expanding myself in no longer limiting myself within projecting myself unto others in not seeing it's ME.

Time to grow up. Time to allow growth. Time to stand self-responsible in all ways as the only way in which we can change the current direction we are heading on Earth.

07 July 2014

Continuing on with the corrective/commitment statements in relation to the previous blog - please read for context, and to assist and support yourself, you can read the following statements out loud.When and as I see myself picturing/imagining/projecting myself into a future, within my mind, of me 'failing' due to not managing my jobs effectively - I stop and I breathe and do not accept and allow myself to participate as I see, realize, and understand that to 'follow along' with this image as a future of me failing, leads to the consequence of back chats that perpetuate this initial reaction where I basically accepted this image as an idea and statement of who I am; trusted in this image of me failing and so I commit myself to no longer participate within images in my mind of who I can possibly be in some possible future and instead stick to the physical - stick to what is HERE, and what is real, which is my physical body, my physical environment, and what is directly in front of me in terms of my current reality - walking moment to moment instead of separated into some future moment that does not exist, yet through my participation with it, I am validating it, giving it life as my own essence and attention and so I commit myself to stop myself when I see these images come up in my mind as to no longer react to me, my mind or possible future scenarios and instead work with myself, my life, moment to moment, here as breath and so to prepare myself for the road ahead as being effective in facing and dealing with any future situations that might arise with the most stability and clarity.When and as I see myself within/as the starting point of wanting to be seen and/or defined as a 'good employee' within a positive energy charge when I am at work, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the physical, as my physical breathing. I see, realize, understand that this starting point of wanting to present myself as a good employee and for others to see me as a good employee, is in fact a fear, masked as a positive thing as becoming better than who I am, when in reality I am stuck within a need for praise and approval form others and so I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing the idea that I need/require others outside and separate from me here, to validate who I am within seeing me or defining me as a good employee, and thus fear being seen as the opposite of this, and instead stick to principles that are best for all when I am at work such as do unto another as I would have done unto me, give as I would like to receive, do what is necessary to be done, and so standing within self responsibility within/as my job and so not within the starting point of getting others to like and praise me, but instead do my job because it is my responsibility and what is required of me - not needing anything in return that serves my self interestWhen and as I see myself existing within a state of wanting or needing or attempting to get positive feedback as validation or confirmation from others, in anything that I do, I stop and I breathe and stabilize myself within myself in bringing me back to myself, here, as I see, realize and understand that the statement I am making and living as myself in such an acceptance and allowance of wanting others to give me positive feedback or for them to see me in a positive way, is that I am incapable of being okay with myself, alone within/as myself and instead enslave myself to the perceptions of others. I commit myself to no longer accept this idea that others hold the power to define who I am and instead take the responsibility that is mine as the ability to create myself to be who I want to be as self honesty, self enjoyment, self love, self acceptance - and so no more giving this power to others and instead embrace it as me hereWhen and as I see myself participating in competition towards others in my work environment, as comparing myself to others as being better or worse at the job - I stop and I breathe and do not accept this of myself. Instead I bring myself back to me here, breathing, and to the realization that competition creates the friction and conflict we already have existent within this world, where winning and being the best overrides common sense and what is best for all and so there is no real consideration or care for others and so I commit myself to no more participate in competition within my mind towards others as comparing me to them and them to me and instead see the strengths in others that I can apply to myself and to share as an example for others the strengths I have within me and so then allow a cooperation and support exist between relationships that allow for each other to flourish and grow,in the work environment, instead of competition and self interest that only leads to separation and conflictWhen and as I see myself reacting to the new job environment as fear of making mistakes and so not being seen as good or the best as an employee, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to my physical body, and back to the reality of the realization that it is a new job and so new information, new structures, new practices that I must learn and apply and that will take time for me to perfect and so I commit myself to give myself the patience to learn what is necessary for me at my new job to thus be able to perform and implement it effectively, instead of wanting to be seen as a good/the best employee simply for an image others can see me as and I can get a positive energy kick from