But other than that, you're OK with us?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There's nothing more precious than attractive and intelligent women. But there are two problems I see in Winnipeg: 1) The women are trendy. All these tattoos and piercings in fashion now are so ugly. Beautiful skin is ruined by scab-like tats and piercings and it sickens me to look at them. Everyone here is a rock star! 2) Another problem -- physically and mentally lazy women. Winnipeg has so many women lying around rewarding themselves and pampering themselves until they're fat. No exercise, just shopping and sitting and eating. Don't think I approve of Winnipeg guys, either! They're beer-swilling motorheads, fat and stupid, thinking they're race drivers. Then there are the rednecks, snowmobilers, punks, gang members, phonies. Fortunately we have some men and women who are OK. Too few, though! -- 20/20 Vision, Winnipeg

Dear 20/20 Vision: You sound like one of the syrup sucking ice-holes Stephen Colbert expected to meet in Canada before he got here and fell in love with us.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This week my fiancé suddenly came up with a widespread terrible rash throughout his body. He finally relented and allowed me to drive him to the walk-in clinic. It turns out my beloved, trusted fiancé is sporting a severe scabies infection with the doctor commenting that because his genital area is most affected, it may have more than likely been the primary starting point! Not very good news for any upcoming marriage plans that we may have had! I really can't imagine what to do with this situation. Did he catch the crabs? Then did they spread through the rest of his body? Scabies are body lice are they not? I fortunately have no sign and did not get any of the scabies. So, do I have my concrete answer, or does this guy really know how to play dumb? He first claimed that it was the chlorine and the water treatment in our town that was making him itchy. He swears he was not being untruthful, also claiming he didn't have sex with any other person. What the heck next? -- Frowning and Itched, Rural Manitoba

Dear Frowning: Scabies are not the same thing as pubic lice or crabs, which are most definitely spread by sexual body contact. Scabies are mites. You can get scabies from a headrest in an airplane, bedding, lying on a sofa where an infected person has been lying, or skin-to-skin touch. But the doctor said your boyfriend's problem started in the groin area, which would certainly make you wonder if he was rubbing against someone. Keep on researching the situation and read up on the skin infestation and get to the bottom of his story. Where was your guy prior to coming home with all these mites? Play Sherlock, without apology. Somebody knows something if you keep digging. Talk to family, his friends and yours, anyone who might know something. You know the saying, "You're always the last to know"? When you make it clear you WANT to know if he's cheating, sometimes tongues will loosen and you will get your information. Postpone wedding plans until you know what's going on for sure. You don't want to be bugged by such thoughts at the altar.

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