[[Image:SinC5.jpg|Right|thumb|350px|Sir Clive warming up for his next race (before the colours arrived)]]

[[Image:SinC5.jpg|Right|thumb|350px|Sir Clive warming up for his next race (before the colours arrived)]]

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The <i>'[[colour]] problem'</i> or <i>'[[color]] problem'</i> first appeared in [[Blighty|GreatBritain]]during the early [[1980]]'s after a whirlwind romance between [[ZX81|Sir Clive Sinclair]] and heavyweight boxing champion [[HowTo:Get Fired|Alan]] [[Alan Sugar|<i>'Sugar Daddy'</i>]] Turing. Before Sinclair and Turing [[racism|'''the colour problem''']] was an issue that did not affect most people in their everyday lives. However, after the couple introduced the <i>'[[ZX81|Sinclair Spectrum]]'</i> (<i>'[[Timex Sinclair]]'</i> in American) it became obvious that colours were here to stay.

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{{Q|WhatColourProblem?|HughBrightly}}

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The '''[[colour]] problem''' or '''[[color]] problem''' first appeared in Great Britain during the early [[1980]]'s after a whirlwind romance between [[ZX81|Sir Clive Sinclair]] and heavyweight boxing champion [[HowTo:Get Fired|Alan]] [[Alan Sugar|'''Sugar Daddy''']] Turing. Before Sinclair and Turing [[racism|'''the colour problem''']] was an issue that did not affect most people in their everyday lives. However, after the couple introduced the '''[[ZX Spectrum|Sinclair Spectrum]]''' ('''[[Timex Sinclair]]''' in American) it became obvious that colours were here to stay.

Although Sinclair subsequently left the relationship to concentrate on his [[Formula One|Formula 1]] career (see right) the world would never be the same again...

Although Sinclair subsequently left the relationship to concentrate on his [[Formula One|Formula 1]] career (see right) the world would never be the same again...

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=Early days=

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==Early days==

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[[Image:YodaBackpack.jpg|right|thumb|300px|[[Yoda|A green man]] advises Luke to get a Commodore64]]

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[[Image:YodaBackpack.jpg|right|thumb|300px|[[Yoda|A green man]] advises Luke to get a [[Commodore|Commodore 64]]]]

{{Q|Oh yea, I remember what it was like... Before Sinclair and Turing came along you could walk the streets without fear...[[Image:SmashSpeckys.jpg|left|thumb|350px|A [[ZX81|Spectrum]] fighting]]. Then, one by one all these [[Black People|colours]] started appearing all over the place... First it was just 16 of them, then 128, soon 65536 and these days there are millions of em all runnin over the county, you just don't feel safe in your own home these days. Bloody [[Glasses|''speckys'']] peeking and poking all over the place with their [[The Flaming Lips|rubber keys]] and [[Pointless Paradox|pointless]] loading screens...|K K K}}

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{{Q|Oh yea, I remember what it was like... Before Sinclair and Turing came along you could walk the streets without fear...[[Image:SmashSpeckys.jpg|left|thumb|350px|A [[ZX Spectrum|Spectrum]] fighting]]. Then, one by one all these [[Black People|colours]] started appearing all over the place... First it was just 16 of them, then 128, soon 65536 and these days there are millions of em all runnin over the county, you just don't feel safe in your own home these days. Bloody [[Glasses|''speckys'']] peeking and [[HowTo:Be Racist|poking]] all over the place with their [[The Flaming Lips|rubber keys]] and [[Pointless Paradox|pointless]] loading screens...|K K K}}

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Attempts by [[Computer|P.C.]] spokesman to reduce panic failed, and the colour problem became one of the <i>'Big Four'</i> issues of the [[21st Century]] on a par with freedom of religious expression, sexual equality and [[Apple|Apple iMac]] ownership...

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Attempts by [[Computer|P.C.]] spokesman to reduce panic failed, and the colour problem became one of the '''Big Four''' issues of the [[21st Century]] on a par with freedom of religious expression, [[Battle of the Sexes|sexual equality]] and [[Apple|Apple iMac]] ownership...

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=The Problems=

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==The Problems==

After a poor start and despite [[Michael Jackson]] claiming "It doesn't matter if you're black or white" many more problems followed. Largely because, well you know about Michael Jackson...

After a poor start and despite [[Michael Jackson]] claiming "It doesn't matter if you're black or white" many more problems followed. Largely because, well you know about Michael Jackson...

[[Image:RainbowMrN.jpg|left|thumb|200px|How many colours?]]

[[Image:RainbowMrN.jpg|left|thumb|200px|How many colours?]]

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==[[Apartheid|The Turing Test]]==

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===[[Apartheid|The Turing Test]]===

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When troubles got so bad that colours could not live together on an equal basis Alan Turing invented <i>'The Turing Test'</i> in an effort remedy some of the [[Fight club|problems]] he had caused. The test was used to decide which colours were better than others, and so greatly improved colour relations. To perform the test those involved would sit naked in their rooms with a computer [[Keyboard|keyboard]] typing messages not knowing whether they were talking to a real [[Paedophile|person]] or a machine.

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When troubles got so bad that colours could not live together on an equal basis Alan Turing and partner Jim Crow invented '''The Turing Test''' in an effort to remedy some of the [[Fight club|problems]] he had caused. The test was used to decide which colours were better than others, and so greatly improved colour relations. To perform the test those involved would sit naked in their rooms with a computer [[Keyboard|keyboard]] typing messages not knowing whether they were talking to a real [[Paedophile|person]] or a machine.

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Thanks to the test (now more commonly known as <i>'[[Wanking|Yahoo]]! chat'</i>) it became possible to clearly identify one colour from another, and thus some [[Riot|reduction in tensions]] was enjoyed by all.

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Thanks to the test (now more commonly known as '''[[Wanking|Yahoo]]! chat''') it became possible to clearly identify one colour from another, and thus some [[Riot|reduction in tensions]] was enjoyed by all.

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==Red, Green and Blue Supremacy==

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Many of the colour problems came from one group or another considering themselves to be more important or superior than the others. Probably the most notable and disruptive of these groups was the <i>'[[National Front|RGB]]'</i> movement or as they described themselves <i>'[[White Power|The Primary Colours]]'</i>. A coalition of secondary colours joined by colourless-ness and translucence called for the creation of a new universal colour classification system that recognized the [[Diversity|"dynamic vibrancy"]] added by all colours given that "when it comes to colours, we are all part of the same rainbow." The Primary colours were dull to the issue and Roy G Biv was unavailable forcomment.

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===Red, Green and BlueSupremacy===

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Many of the colour problems came from one group or another considering themselves to be more important or superior than the others. Probably the most notable and disruptive of these groups was the '''[[National Front|RGB]]''' movement or as they described themselves '''[[White Power|The Primary Colours]]'''. A coalition of secondary colours joined by colourless-ness and translucence called for the creation of a new universal colour classification system that recognized the [[Diversity|"dynamic vibrancy"]] added by all colours given that "when it comes to colours, we are all part of the same rainbow." Primary Colours leader Roy G Biv was unavailable for comment.

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==Colour Problems in Sport==

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===Colour Problems in Sport===

[[Image:SnookerColour.jpg|right|thumb|250px|Snooker was not unaffected by colour issues (the pink is the one behind the red)]]

[[Image:SnookerColour.jpg|right|thumb|250px|Snooker was not unaffected by colour issues (the pink is the one behind the red)]]

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The field of sports was not unaffected by the colour problem. The modern game of [[Football|football]] ([[Soccer|football]] if you're [[Why|American]]) had more than its fair share of difficulties. Troubles often started due to the appearance of <i>'reds'</i> or <i>'yellows'</i> mostly caused by the <i>'[[Football referee|the bastard in the black]]'</i>, an individual who's precise identity still remains a mystery despite thousands of fans politely enquiring of it each week. Mr [[Nazi|Norbert Adolph Zacharia Isaac]] of National Fronts comments:

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The field of sports was not unaffected by the colour problem. The modern game of [[Football|football]] ([[Soccer|football]] if you're [[Why|American]]) had more than its fair share of difficulties. Troubles often started due to the appearance of '''reds''' or '''yellows''' mostly caused by the '''[[Football referee|the bastard in the black]]''', an individual who's precise identity still remains a mystery despite thousands of fans politely enquiring of it each week. Mr [[Nazi|Norbert Adolph Zacharia Isaac]] of National Fronts comments:

{{Q|Oh yea, it was when that bastard in the black pulled out that fu*king red that it all kicked off, I mean we all thought that maybe it shoulda have been a yellow, but when it came out red? Well, everyone started screaming and shouting all over the place, scared the hell out of the kids it did!|NAZI}}

{{Q|Oh yea, it was when that bastard in the black pulled out that fu*king red that it all kicked off, I mean we all thought that maybe it shoulda have been a yellow, but when it came out red? Well, everyone started screaming and shouting all over the place, scared the hell out of the kids it did!|NAZI}}

The <i>'Campaign for the Sorting and Separation of Colours'</i> or <i>'True Colours'</i> was started in [[1986]] by Billy Steinberg and [[Cyndi Lauper]]. The campaign got lots of colours into hot water with the premise that if allowed to mix they would fade over time and ''run'' all over the place causing dyeing in surrounding areas as well as probably turning all your white shirts pink.

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The '''Campaign for the Sorting and Separation of Colours''' or '''True Colours''' was started in [[1986]] by Billy Steinberg and [[Cyndi Lauper]]. The campaign got lots of colours into hot water with the premise that if allowed to mix they would fade over time and ''run'' all over the place causing dyeing in surrounding areas as well as probably turning all your white shirts pink.

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Colours who got in a [[Politics|spin]] over the campaign were known as <i>'[[Black power (gang)|colour fast]]'</i>. Some fast colours where able to resist ''running'' at lower temperatures such as 30°C, 40°C and 60°C however even they had to admit that at 90°C it became very difficult to maintain their rather '''bold''' position. Despite the [[Quark|spin]] surrounding the issue, most found themselves washed up afterwards, completely rinsed and seldom when pressed appreciated the [[Irony|ironing]]. The cycle continues to this day.

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Colours who got in a [[Politics|spin]] over the campaign were known as '''[[Black power (gang)|colour fast]]'''. Some fast colours where able to resist ''running'' at lower temperatures such as 30°C, 40°C and 60°C however even they had to admit that at 90°C it became very difficult to maintain their rather '''bold''' position. Despite the [[Quark|spin]] surrounding the issue, most found themselves washed up afterwards, completely rinsed and seldom when pressed appreciated the [[Irony|ironing]]. The cycle continues to this day.

To cash in on the publicity generated the colour running issue [[Benny Hill]] created the '''United Colours of Benetton''' range of smudge-gray clothing which became popular during the mid to late [[1980]]s

To cash in on the publicity generated the colour running issue [[Benny Hill]] created the '''United Colours of Benetton''' range of smudge-gray clothing which became popular during the mid to late [[1980]]s

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==Rainbow Warriors==

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===Rainbow Warriors===

[[Image:RainbowGreen.jpg|left|thumb|250px|Green Party propaganda]]

[[Image:RainbowGreen.jpg|left|thumb|250px|Green Party propaganda]]

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The <i>'[[Hippies|Green Party]]'</i> complicated things still further by insisting that green issues were more important than others.

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The '''[[Hippies|Green Party]]''' complicated things still further by insisting that green issues were more important than others.

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Probably the most significant green activists were Zippy, George and Bungle Baulks or <i>'"Rainbow"'</i> as they would become known. For a time the leader of Rainbow, Mr Bungle Baulks had everyone [[Snooker|snookered]] with his ''green baize'' views regarding the position of white. Mr Balks insisted that whether you looked though the round, square or triangular window anything past <i>'the Baulk-Line'</i> was usually a very <i>safe</i> position to leave the [[Testicles|white]].

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Probably the most significant green activists were Zippy, George and Bungle Baulks or '''"Rainbow"''' as they would become known. For a time the leader of Rainbow, Mr Bungle Baulks had everyone [[Snooker|snookered]] with his ''green baize'' views regarding the position of white. Mr Balks insisted that whether you looked though the round, square or triangular window anything past '''the Baulk-Line''' was usually a very ''safe'' position to leave the [[Testicles|white]].

The views of ''[[Super Smash Bros.|Green House]]'' politics began to appear rather transparent when [[Tiger Woods]] chipped in from an off green position showing a [[Golf|hole in one]] of their policies. The additions of Rod, Jane and Freddy (who everyone thought were a bit [[Pants|pants]]) weakened Rainbow further, and when it became possible to completely silence Zippy, Rainbow slowly began to fade from view.

The views of ''[[Super Smash Bros.|Green House]]'' politics began to appear rather transparent when [[Tiger Woods]] chipped in from an off green position showing a [[Golf|hole in one]] of their policies. The additions of Rod, Jane and Freddy (who everyone thought were a bit [[Pants|pants]]) weakened Rainbow further, and when it became possible to completely silence Zippy, Rainbow slowly began to fade from view.

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In modern times the Green Party are more now concerned with [[Environment|environmental]] and [[Global warming|climate change]] issues and thus no one (of course) takes their views seriously...

In modern times the Green Party are more now concerned with [[Environment|environmental]] and [[Global warming|climate change]] issues and thus no one (of course) takes their views seriously...

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=A Beginning of the end of the Troubles=

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==A Beginning of the end of the Troubles==

Thankfully, given time some colours began to get along and a number of groups appeared making it look possible that an end to the troubles could be insight.

Thankfully, given time some colours began to get along and a number of groups appeared making it look possible that an end to the troubles could be insight.

[[Image:Red_Shift.jpg|left|thumb|290px|What the hell do these wiggly lines have to do with anything???]]

[[Image:Red_Shift.jpg|left|thumb|290px|What the hell do these wiggly lines have to do with anything???]]

===Blacks and Whites Unite===

===Blacks and Whites Unite===

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In an [[Constipation|movement]] which has become known as ''grey'', black and white were able to set their differences aside and mix together. Diehards perpetuated the troubles by rejecting grey politics as a "[[Eminem|shady view]]", claiming that "black and white are not really colours" but an end to the problems appeared possible.

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In an [[Constipation|movement]] which has become known as ''grey'', black and white were able to set their differences aside and mix together. Diehards perpetuated the troubles by rejecting grey politics as a "[[Eminem|shady view]]", claiming that "black and white are not really colors" but an end to their problems appeared possible.

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===Red shift===

===Red shift===

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When [[Hubble Space Telescope|Edwin Bubble]] noticed that red had started to move its position in the [[ZX81|spectrum]] it become apparent that the universe was indeed a very [[Big|large]] place and probably expanding all the time. With this new appreciation of their own insignificance other colours followed suit and slowly started to put their differences and problems of the past aside...

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When [[Hubble Space Telescope|Edwin Bubble]] noticed that red had started to move its position in the [[ZX Spectrum|spectrum]] it become apparent that the universe was indeed a very [[Big|large]] place and probably expanding all the time. With this new appreciation of their own insignificance other colours followed suit and slowly started to put their differences and problems of the past aside...

In a desperate attempt to prolong the [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Colour&redirect=no troubles] the [[Americans|Wikipedia]] managed to drag the issue onto the international stage of the Internet by inciting hatred between the '''colors''' (mostly of the north American sub-continent) and the '''colours''' of the rest of the world. When the '''tom''ay''to-tom''ah''to''' riots (organised by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers) broke out it looked like all previous progress had been for nothing. In a last ditch attempt to quell fighting and bring harmony to the world Uncylopedia spokesman [[Oscar Wilde]] made the following statement:

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In a desperate attempt to prolong the [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Colour&redirect=no troubles] the [[Americans|Wikipedia]] managed to drag the issue onto the international stage of the Internet by inciting hatred between the '''colors''' (mostly of the north American sub-continent) and the '''colours''' of the rest of the world. When the '''tom''ay''to-tom''ah''to''' riots (organised by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers) broke out it looked like all previous progress had been for nothing. In a last ditch attempt to quell [[The Pun Invasion of Uncyclopedia‎|fighting]] and bring harmony to the world Uncylopedia spokesman [[Oscar Wilde]] made the following statement:

{{cquote|

{{cquote|

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Unlike those [[Wikipedia|fascists]] over at [[fascist|Wikepedia]] we here at [[You|Uncylopedia]] believe that there is room in our namespace for both [[colour]] and [[color]]. No simple '''#REDIRECT''' or attempt to take ownership of a word will ever solve the issue as such actions will only cause further problems. The solution must be found in the appreciation that all ''colours'' and ''colors'' are the same albeit perceived in a different light. We must all learn to [[Blender|blend]] together and as such, I hereby name this article <i>'The '''coler''' Problem'</i>.}}

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Unlike those [[Wikipedia|fascists]] over at [[fascist|Wikipedia]] we here at [[You|Uncylopedia]] believe that there is room in our namespace for both [[colour]] and [[color]]. No simple '''#REDIRECT''' or attempt to take ownership of a word will ever solve the issue as such actions will only cause further problems. The solution must be found in the appreciation that all ''colours'' and ''colors'' are the same albeit perceived in a different light. We must all learn to [[Blender|blend]] together and as such, I hereby name this article '''The '''coler''' Problem'''.}}

. Then, one by one all these colours started appearing all over the place... First it was just 16 of them, then 128, soon 65536 and these days there are millions of em all runnin over the county, you just don't feel safe in your own home these days. Bloody speckys peeking and poking all over the place with their rubber keys and pointless loading screens...”

Attempts by P.C. spokesman to reduce panic failed, and the colour problem became one of the Big Four issues of the 21st Century on a par with freedom of religious expression, sexual equality and Apple iMac ownership...

When troubles got so bad that colours could not live together on an equal basis Alan Turing and partner Jim Crow invented The Turing Test in an effort to remedy some of the problems he had caused. The test was used to decide which colours were better than others, and so greatly improved colour relations. To perform the test those involved would sit naked in their rooms with a computer keyboard typing messages not knowing whether they were talking to a real person or a machine.

Thanks to the test (now more commonly known as Yahoo! chat) it became possible to clearly identify one colour from another, and thus some reduction in tensions was enjoyed by all.

Many of the colour problems came from one group or another considering themselves to be more important or superior than the others. Probably the most notable and disruptive of these groups was the RGB movement or as they described themselves The Primary Colours. A coalition of secondary colours joined by colourless-ness and translucence called for the creation of a new universal colour classification system that recognized the "dynamic vibrancy" added by all colours given that "when it comes to colours, we are all part of the same rainbow." Primary Colours leader Roy G Biv was unavailable for comment.

Snooker was not unaffected by colour issues (the pink is the one behind the red)

The field of sports was not unaffected by the colour problem. The modern game of football (football if you're American) had more than its fair share of difficulties. Troubles often started due to the appearance of reds or yellows mostly caused by the the bastard in the black, an individual who's precise identity still remains a mystery despite thousands of fans politely enquiring of it each week. Mr Norbert Adolph Zacharia Isaac of National Fronts comments:

“Oh yea, it was when that bastard in the black pulled out that fu*king red that it all kicked off, I mean we all thought that maybe it shoulda have been a yellow, but when it came out red? Well, everyone started screaming and shouting all over the place, scared the hell out of the kids it did!”

The Campaign for the Sorting and Separation of Colours or True Colours was started in 1986 by Billy Steinberg and Cyndi Lauper. The campaign got lots of colours into hot water with the premise that if allowed to mix they would fade over time and run all over the place causing dyeing in surrounding areas as well as probably turning all your white shirts pink.

Colours who got in a spin over the campaign were known as colour fast. Some fast colours where able to resist running at lower temperatures such as 30°C, 40°C and 60°C however even they had to admit that at 90°C it became very difficult to maintain their rather bold position. Despite the spin surrounding the issue, most found themselves washed up afterwards, completely rinsed and seldom when pressed appreciated the ironing. The cycle continues to this day.

To cash in on the publicity generated the colour running issue Benny Hill created the United Colours of Benetton range of smudge-gray clothing which became popular during the mid to late 1980s

The Green Party complicated things still further by insisting that green issues were more important than others.

Probably the most significant green activists were Zippy, George and Bungle Baulks or "Rainbow" as they would become known. For a time the leader of Rainbow, Mr Bungle Baulks had everyone snookered with his green baize views regarding the position of white. Mr Balks insisted that whether you looked though the round, square or triangular window anything past the Baulk-Line was usually a very safe position to leave the white.

The views of Green House politics began to appear rather transparent when Tiger Woods chipped in from an off green position showing a hole in one of their policies. The additions of Rod, Jane and Freddy (who everyone thought were a bit pants) weakened Rainbow further, and when it became possible to completely silence Zippy, Rainbow slowly began to fade from view.

In modern times the Green Party are more now concerned with environmental and climate change issues and thus no one (of course) takes their views seriously...

In an movement which has become known as grey, black and white were able to set their differences aside and mix together. Diehards perpetuated the troubles by rejecting grey politics as a "shady view", claiming that "black and white are not really colors" but an end to their problems appeared possible.

When Edwin Bubble noticed that red had started to move its position in the spectrum it become apparent that the universe was indeed a very large place and probably expanding all the time. With this new appreciation of their own insignificance other colours followed suit and slowly started to put their differences and problems of the past aside...

In a desperate attempt to prolong the troubles the Wikipedia managed to drag the issue onto the international stage of the Internet by inciting hatred between the colors (mostly of the north American sub-continent) and the colours of the rest of the world. When the tomayto-tomahto riots (organised by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers) broke out it looked like all previous progress had been for nothing. In a last ditch attempt to quell fighting and bring harmony to the world Uncylopedia spokesman Oscar Wilde made the following statement:

Unlike those fascists over at Wikipedia we here at Uncylopedia believe that there is room in our namespace for both colour and color. No simple #REDIRECT or attempt to take ownership of a word will ever solve the issue as such actions will only cause further problems. The solution must be found in the appreciation that all colours and colors are the same albeit perceived in a different light. We must all learn to blend together and as such, I hereby name this article The coler Problem.