Wednesday, August 6, 2014

A right time for everything?

Is there a right time for everything?
Just how important is timing in our lives?

This thought is put out by my mother every time i meet her - usually in connection with my "baby making" activities. I am 28 years old and will soon hit the 30 mark - before which i should ideally have had 2 children. Given the crunching time frame my mother has decided to be content with one! And this is what she tells me every time the topic comes up - which like I said is every time i meet her.
She absolutely believes that before 30 is the "right time" and after 30- even if it is not a "wrong time", it is not the right time either. This she backs with scientific reasoning - age, growing impatience, body functions, and when all this fails to make an impact - "you will be 60 when your kid graduates".
All these make absolute sense in my head and i can understand what she is trying to say, but i don't know whether all these reasons trump over the fact that I am just NOT READY. She does not understand this. What does not being ready mean, she asks.

For me it means a lot of things -

ME - Financially can i provide the best for my child?
MOM - The kid does not demand a lot - it is the parents who want to give the child the best toys, clothes. Do you think a month old baby understands brands?POINT MOM

ME - What about money for the kid's education. Do you know how expensive it is to put children through school now?
MOM - we earned half of what you are earning now and managed to put you and your sister to the best school in the city. It was a strain in the beginning, but we sacrificed and look at you two today! Are you telling me you can't buy one less dress, go out for 4 less dinners or cancel a few international holidays for your own child?POINT MOM

ME - We won't have a life of our own, the kid will ruin it all. I mean look at my marriage right now. We are in heaven - working, earning and planning holidays to spend our earnings. I don't want to change any of that. Why would you change something good?
MOM - to make room for something more beautiful. What you think of as a burden right now, will become your life. I can't explain the feelingPOINT - I DON'T KNOW. MOM, I guess

ME - Does it not hurt?
MOM - We didn't have half the facilities that you kids have today.POINT MOM By this time i can see my mom beating me point by point and I am still not convinced that i am ready to have a kid.
ME - I don't want to have this discussion. i will have a child when i feel like - not because you want me to!
MOM - I don't understand your generation!POINT ME! Yes!

I know this conversation is going to be repeated when we meet again; and again I am going to be aware of the grain of truth behind my mom's words. It is amazing how with age i appreciate every little thing that my mom tried teaching us. Maybe some day i will turn around and understand this too!