ESFJ: Do you need adopting? I’m going to run you through some psychoanalyzing first, to make sure you don’t hurt any of my family, but then I’ll take you in and make you call me mother.

ISFJ: Let’s all hide in the basement and protect ourselves, but I will subtly go sneak it food once in a while. Can’t let it starve.

INFJ: Cool! Can you tell me your life story so I can write a book about you and get attached to you and never let you go?

INFP: Tell me all about the worlds you’ve seen and conquered.

ENFP: Take me in your spaceship with you so I can see the worlds you’ve seen and conquered.

ENTJ: Take me with you in your spaceship so I can personally conquer the worlds you’ve seen.

ISTJ: You don’t exist. This is an illusion.

ESTJ: You don’t exist. This is an illusion. But, just in case, I’m going to try shooting you with this rifle a couple of times.

ENFJ: Can I help you find what you’re looking for on our planet? I know a lot of people in congress, at the grocery store, in the military, at the pet store, in D.C., at the bookstore… I know a lot of people.

ESFP: Can you kiss me so I can see what an alien smooch feels like?

ESTP: I want to just take one spin in the spaceship. How fast can it go?

ISTP: Don’t tell anyone we have this relationship. I have a reputation to uphold, and I don’t want to look soft.

INTP: When you die, I’d like to dissect you.

ENTP: Let’s just cut off an arm and dissect you now.

INTJ: Let’s plot to overthrow the earth’s government together.

ISFP: I will be depressed when you leave. Don’t leave me, and let’s try some sort of inter-galactic romance!
Like what you read? Come check out my books here!

It’s me again, with good, clean Myers-Briggs fun. All in jest and a complete generalization. Hope it affords another laugh. After “How Each Myers-Briggs Type Reacts to a Dead Body” succeeded on Reddit and became my most popular post ever by far, I felt I had to write another. 🙂

Each type walks into their bathroom, steps into the shower, and discovers a spider.

ESFJ: I hate, hate, hate this! How dare this creature come into my bathroom! But I will be brave and kill it quickly before it creeps out of here and bites my children in their sleep. Don’t you dare think about harming my children, you monster!

ESTJ: Die, die, die! *stomp* *stomp* That was satisfying, in a scary sort of way. Wow, I am a MACHINE. What else can I kill?

ENTJ: Huh. I’m sure he’ll go down with the water. Meanwhile, that CIO vying for my position is the true spider cretin in my life. Or maybe he’d be better defined as a cockroach…

INTJ: Spiders are so amazing and hold such power over people. I wish I could be like that.

INFJ: I really don’t like spiders, but before I call for help, I’m going to stand here and use this to brainstorm and muse about my scene where Lutyisvnburys the Fairy Elf Queen, my character, has to fight the magical evil spider mage in the saga of ten books I’m writing. Yeah, this is a great writing experience.

ISFJ: Oh my goodness. Do I have an infestation? Is my home out of control? I need to call the pest people right away. Nothing should be out of order like this!

ISTJ: I’m going to catch this guy, put him in alcohol so he dies just right, and then pin him in my insect box to study under a microscope later.

ISTP: BLOWTORCH!!!! I’ll decide whether or not I liked this bathroom later.

ISFP: All God’s creatures should have a right to live! Live, little guy, live! Let me help you escape to the outside world!

INFP: I’m terrified. It’s like my bizarre nightmare from last night where I was covered with cement up to my ears and spiders were on my head. I can’t move, I can’t speak, and I’ll probably need therapy.

INTP: I am strong, emotionless, and extremely intelligent. But this is one of my two phobias that no one knows about. I shall now weep like a baby and hope death finds me quickly.

ESFP: I should start screaming really high-pitched and girly. I can even run out in just a towel. It will make the scene all the more dramatic and hilarious for everyone who will see me and come to my rescue.

ENFP: I can feed him to my tarantulas! Free lunch, my pets!

ENFJ: Interesting. I probably brought him in on my clothes while I was out running a large farm single handedly and winning every category in the county fair.

ESTP: I should get my friends together and we should make spontaneous dares about what to do with this thing. That will be bae.

ENTP: There are so many ways I could kill this guy. The possibilities are endless, and may involve matches and a bottle of whiskey.

Put in brutally realistic terms, these are the sarcastically realistic descriptions of common movies.

The Answers!

Most of you smart alecks already got a bunch of the answers, but here they are!

1. The mother, who is only trying to protect her son, is torn away from him by her employee. She is placed in jail on false charges, while her son is snatched up by incompetent foster care. Her worst fears then come to pass. The son then joins the cutthroat entertainment industry that she was trying to escape, and experiments with alcohol with his new foster father, while she unfairly rots away in jail.

A. Dumbo

2. An emotionally-immature and lonely man builds a doll and calls it his son.

A. Pinocchio.

3. Husband and wife don’t invite unpopular Goth to their baby shower. Due to death threats from angry Goth, they send daughter to a private boarding school run by some confused old ladies out in the country. Girl returns home, only to stumble across sewing machinery left by the Goth. She then, like a normal teenager, spends all of her time in bed in a coma-like sleep state, when new boyfriend appears and forces himself on her.

A. Sleeping Beauty

4. A woman is shot and killed. Her teenage son is left to fend for himself on his own while he finds love and searches for his biological father.

A. Bambi

5. A rebellious boy goes to a rough part of town and is kidnapped by traffickers who want to sell his body to an aggressive woman who will use him roughly until he will most likely die. Boy’s father teams up with an incompetent mentally handicapped woman to find his son.

A. Finding Nemo

6. Teenage girl has been an only child for years, but her parents have a new baby. She runs away from home and meets a rough-around-the-edges guy whom she falls in love with. She brings him home, but her parents kick him out and want nothing to do with him until he saves the new baby.

A. Lady and the Tramp

7. Young pop singer is in love with a foreign guy from a far off country. She goes to a social outcast to figure out how to gain her guy, and is told to shut her mouth and use her body alone to win her guy. While she tries this method, the outcast, an older woman, dresses younger and comes onto the same guy, speaking up to him, keeping him under her thumb, and controlling him in a way that the pop singer was told she couldn’t.

A. The Little Mermaid

8. A man is dissatisfied with his job and the social stigma that comes with it. He joins the army and hates it. Next he becomes an engineer and coach, and catches a bad guy as well.

A. Wreck-it-Ralph

9. Young guy is left alone when everyone moves away due to the drop in value the land has in their area. Young guy spends time, alone, improving the land. Dominating, single-minded young woman comes to check on his progress, he falls in love with her, and ditches all of his accomplishments to follow her home.

A. Wall-E

10. A young boy is taken away from his family and adopted into a family of slaves. He works in hard and creative ways for his master, often times receiving general approval and affection, other times having his very life threatened.

A. Babe

11. A kid convinces a family of kids to run away and join a group of kids who play house together, all the while avoiding a serial child killer.

A. Peter Pan

12. A wealthy family with royal lineage is kidnapped and held for ransom. They are rescued by poor people and learn to appreciate how the poor live.

A. The Aristocats

13. A poor family steals from wealthy families to pay off an angry overlord they originally stole from.

Put in brutally realistic terms, these are the sarcastically realistic descriptions of common movies.

Name that movie! (In the comment section below.)

Answers will be in the next post on Tuesday.

Have fun! 😀

1. The mother, who is only trying to protect her son, is torn away from him by her employee. She is placed in jail on false charges, while her son is snatched up by incompetent foster care. Her worst fears then come to pass. The son then joins the cutthroat entertainment industry that she was trying to escape, and experiments with alcohol with his new foster father, while she unfairly rots away in jail.

2. An emotionally-immature and lonely man builds a doll and calls it his son.

3. Husband and wife don’t invite unpopular Goth to their baby shower. Due to death threats from angry Goth, they send daughter to a private boarding school run by some confused old ladies out in the country. Girl returns home, only to stumble across sewing machinery left by the Goth. She then, like a normal teenager, spends all of her time in bed in a coma-like sleep state, when new boyfriend appears and forces himself on her.

4. A woman is shot and killed. Her teenage son is left to fend for himself on his own while he finds love and searches for his biological father.

5. A rebellious boy goes to a rough part of town and is kidnapped by traffickers who want to sell his body to an aggressive woman who will use him roughly until he will most likely die. Boy’s father teams up with an incompetent mentally handicapped woman to find his son.

6. Teenage girl has been an only child for years, but her parents have a new baby. She runs away from home and meets a rough-around-the-edges guy whom she falls in love with. She brings him home, but her parents kick him out and want nothing to do with him until he saves the new baby.

7. Young pop singer is in love with a foreign guy from a far off country. She goes to a social outcast to figure out how to gain her guy, and is told to shut her mouth and use her body alone to win her guy. While she tries this method, the outcast, an older woman, dresses younger and comes onto the same guy, speaking up to him, keeping him under her thumb, and controlling him in a way that the pop singer was told she couldn’t.

8. A man is dissatisfied with his job and the social stigma that comes with it. He joins the army and hates it. Next he becomes an engineer and coach, and catches a bad guy as well.

9. Young guy is left alone when everyone moves away due to the drop in value the land has in their area. Young guy spends time, alone, improving the land. Dominating, single-minded young woman comes to check on his progress, he falls in love with her, and ditches all of his accomplishments to follow her home.

10. A young boy is taken away from his family and adopted into a family of slaves. He works in hard and creative ways for his master, often times receiving general approval and affection, other times having his very life threatened.

11. A kid convinces a family of kids to run away and join a group of kids who play house together, all the while avoiding a serial child killer.

12. A wealthy family with royal lineage is kidnapped and held for ransom. They are rescued by poor people and learn to appreciate how the poor live.

13. A poor family steals from wealthy families to pay off an angry overlord they originally stole from.

Thank you, readers, for making this the best year that the BlondeRJ blog has seen yet!

Here are the most popular blog posts of 2014! These posts received the most views. Click on any title to read the post. Please let me know what type of blog posts you want to see from me this coming year! More art? More current events? Brainy? Myers-Briggs fun? Book reviews? Or Christian topical discussions? Let me know!

This one was just stereotyping Myers-Briggs types in a meant-for-laughs way. However, this was a huge hit on Reddit, staying on the front page for almost a week. I still get hits all over the world coming from Reddit wanting a laugh. No one commented on my actual blog, but there’s quite a discussion going on over on Reddit about this post. 🙂 I’m thinking it’s time for another Myers-Briggs humor post…

My controversial voting post was my first to go viral, but it only has half the views of the Myers-Briggs one above, believe it or not! This post created waves by being something that made a lot of people mad. I got hate responses from a few people, which greatly amused me. You don’t have to agree with it, but go ahead and give it a read. Interestingly enough, I still get views on this post from the Middle East. I don’t know if that’s bad or good…

It’s funny how the posts that make people unhappy receive more views than anything else. I’m not sure everyone agreed with this article as well, but the response was very favorable. I made new, dear friends on Facebook just because they read this article. Jessica F., you know who you are! Love you! Again, feel free to disagree with me – and let me know that you do – when you peruse this one. ❤

I’ve always wondered if people think they’re getting something juicy when they click on this link! However, my happily married, godly sister, had a baby shower for her first baby, and my mom wanted someone to do the devotional for it. Because I love my little sister, and live so far away from her, I was sad that I couldn’t make it. Instead, I wrote the devotional and recorded it, keeping it a secret from her. When it came time to do the devotional, my mom surprised my sister by crowning her with a tiara I had provided, and playing my voice over the speakers. That’s what this post is. 🙂

This was a very personal article to me that was born from a week of realizing I had misjudged my own husband for far too long. Our culture is such a promoter of macho, emotionless, physically-driven men. The actual hearts that live in our husbands are often thought to not exist. I pray this article helps many of us wives. ❤

Again, the only reason for this post’s success is Reddit. (Great place to advertise, all!) For some reason, this hit a funny bone among Reddit readers. It was something stupid I wrote as a teenager, and new piano teacher, that I felt like throwing up on my blog to see if it hit a cord. Sure did! Hopefully you teachers get a laugh!

Unfortunately, I feel like many of my dearest friends and I don’t see eye to eye medically. This doesn’t mean we can’t be best friends though! Instead of answering the same questions about immunizations, allergies, c-sections, and such, I just decided, with the help of my husband, to write a list of where I stand. I’ve received a lot less criticisms, and for that, I’m glad. It’s not in the interest of any of us to fight or argue over these things. I’m glad that this post made it around.

I’m so glad that this one is on the list. I cried my eyes out the entire day I wrote this. I still contemplating mailing that last paragraph to Lady Gaga herself. Even if it’s only read by a secretary, I feel like I should try. Our celebrities are suffering in their sin, guilt, and choice of lifestyles. May you be motivated to pray for them after reading this pot. BE WARNING: This is a mature post, with graphic pictures and topics.

I apologize! I apologize! This one is total clickbait, and I know it. I’m amused that everyone wanted the scoop on RJ’s past problems. This one is a quick read with a total surprise ending. Go read it and be mad at me. Or laugh. 😉