Monday, November 15, 2010

The Numbers of Miscarriage

Studies say that 1 in 4 women will bleed in early pregnancy. But 85% of them will go on to have a healthy baby.

Sometimes I wonder why I have to be the minority.

5 1/2 The number of years we've tried for baby #2.6 The day of October our dreams looked like they were finally coming true again.2 The number of tests I took. Just to be sure.6.11 The day I should have been due.7 The week the bleeding started.5 The number of blood tests I've had to take.5 Also the number of times someone's called with results that broke my heart.314 The number of times I've questioned what I did wrong, what I could have done differently.6432 A rough estimate of the number of tears I've cried.16 The number of blow ups I've had at my husband in the last few weeks.25 The number of pregnant women I've caught glimpse of in the last few days.3 The number of times seeing said pregnant women have made me bawl. In public.4 The number of my last hcg quant.0-5 The hcg level that means I'm absolutely no longer pregnant.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.

58 comments:

Staci, I am so sorry. Your feelings are perfectly normal. I can remember being there also several years ago (when we were trying for our only son) and being absolutely devestated when our dreams were yanked away from us. We had been trying for 4 years and to come so close, only to have it taken right back was almost more than I could bear. One book that gave me so much comfort at that time was Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt. I would be more than glad to send you a copy of it if you would like to read it (just email me with your shipping address). It breaks my heart when good people who want to be parents have to go through this. I think the worst part was people close to me not understanding why I was so upset, because they reasoned that it was such an early loss so I shouldn't be upset. Nothing was further from the truth. My husband and I truly grieved for that baby. I'm here for you if you need a shoulder. Don't hesitate to contact me...I mean that! Take care and be gentle to yourself. ((hugs))

im really sorry staci. No one deserves a big family more than you and i have faith, the utmost faith, that it will happen for you in the future and the baby that you have will be the one you were always meant to have.

Sending prayers and hugs your way Staci, I am so so sorry. Having been through a miscarriage myself, I know there isn't much anyone can say right now that will make you feel better, but I do hope that you will find peace in time.

I struggled with infertility for 6 years -- experienced the gut-wrenching loss of a pregnancy, the anger from seeing pregnant women, the tears from people who meant well but couldn't help but say the wrong thing.

I am so incredibly sorry and my heart is breaking for you.

I don't know why infertility/miscarriage happen -- why it seem to hit people who SHOULD be parents. . . the people who SHOULD be getting pregnant. . . the people who WILL take care of their children and who WILL love them.

((hugs)) I am really sorry you have to go trough this. Thinking and praying for you! You will have a beautiful baby that you want so much and deserve to have.

I know how it is I've been trough it. I was suppose to have baby #2 in my arms on August 4th not feel like the worst person ever because of my miscarriage last December. Now am scared to even try, because I don't think I can go trough another loss, another hope...

((hugs)) we are here for you, if you need to talk you can always contact me!

Staci, I know that no words make any of it feel right and it kills. This is not your fault and nothing you have done is to blame. You are an amazing woman and I wish there was a way to make things feel better. (((HUGS)))

Staci I want to just cry reading this because it brings back sad memories for myself. We also had fertility problems and suffered a loss. If you need to talk, you can PM me on the forums, email me, or find me on Gmail.

Staci, I know that must've been the hardest thing to write. I too had a miscarriage. We conceived on our honeymoon. It was so heartbreaking. I also have a close family member that struggles with infertility. I am praying for you and sending you huge hugs.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Even though you never gave birth, I know for a fact that you loved that baby so very much. Having lost a baby to miscarriage at 4 months, it is a heartbreaking experience. I hope you are somehow able to find peace and just know that all of us at MomDot are there for you whenever you need us!{Big Hugs}

I'm so sorry for you loss. My heart aches for you. It's not your fault. Please do not blame yourself. You and your family are in my prayers and I sincerely hope that you will be blessed with a baby soon.

I feel your pain. I am right there with you...minus the amount of years it's taken to have baby #2...so far it's only be over a year for us. I also had a miscarriage and my baby would have been due on 3/22. Now every month is torture because I swear I'm pregnant and then turns out I'm not. I'm so sorry for your loss...know that you are not alone! Don't know why having a baby has to be so hard, but it sure is worth it once we finally get that precious baby in our arms.

Crying as I read this. It is all too familiar to me, to my family. I have had two heartbreaking miscarriages, and my heart is breaking for you!!! I pray you will be okay and take one day at a time. My friends and family are what got me through my darkest hours.

Staci I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what your going through. My sister in law has dealt with infertility problems for the last couple of years and I have heard from her how overwhelming and heartbreaking it can be. I will be sending my thoughts, prayers and hugs your way! (((BIG HUGS)))

Staci, I know there really aren't any right words right now. Add me to the list that's suffered a loss as well. We always remember those babies. If you need anything, anything at all, please let me know. I'll be thinking about you.

I'm so sorry. I've been through three miscarriages and I know how devastating it is, and how little people understand about it. I found comfort in an online forum, that I'm sharing here in case you want to look at it http://pregnancyloss.info/(((Hugs)))

I hate that you are having such a hard time. I can, however, feel your pain. My husband had Hodgkin's disease as a child ans was told he would never have children. I was told when I first started my period and had unbearable pain that I had cysts on my ovaries that I would never have children. How we found each other could only be the work of God. We showed everyone just what we were capable of, totally by accident, when I got pregnant in college and hubby was still in high school. Lol, oops. We fought against everyone who told me I shouldn't have my child. We did and now have a 15 year old daughter. We have learned a lot along the way and made a lot of mistakes. Wee have all grown up together. We cannot have another child though as hard as we try and as many tests we take and doctors we go to. It's hard since all of our friends are just now having children and I am almost done with mine. We haven't even gotten close enough to have a miscarriage so I can't even imagine the heartbreak that entails. I have to remind myself constantly that I am unbelievably blessed to have the child I have and go on with my life. It's not easy and not something you want someone else to tell you to do, I know. Lol. I've had thoughts of punching people in the face when all they are trying to do is make me feel better. Good luck to you and may God bless you with the baby you so want. I will be thinking about you.

Staci,I found you through your comment on The Children's Book Review site where you posted to win a copy of SHOW ME HOW! BUILD YOUR CHILD'S SELF-ESTEEM THROUGH READING, CRAFTING AND COOKING. I am the author, and, if you don't win a copy, I would be honored to send you one to review (if you would) and keep for your own use.

Your post touched a chord in my heart...although I am now a mom of three and grandmom of three, I lost a baby (6 months pregnant) when our oldest son was a year and a half. And, it seemed to take FOREVER to conceive again. And I felt it was SO important for me to be pregnant as soon as possible. And it doesn't matter if the pregnancy ends after 2 weeks, 2 months or more...it is still a loss to be dealt with, emotionally and physically.