Dear Judy,There are lots of cliches one could use such as"a problem shared is a problem halved", and others but I don't suppose they would be helpful.For myself, I would think your father has a 'standing' in the community and regards himself as something 'special'.Well what if he knew that all your friends at U.M.S are aware of his abuse and that if it continues your local community will also find out and his 'standing' would be diminished.Not very spiritual maybe but possibly effective? Also, from a spiritual position I suppose you would have to say that the problem is his, he seems very insecure, maybe as a result of his upbringing, and needs pity and understanding.How would he react if you were to tell him you feel for him and the way he was abused as a child and doesn't he realise he is treating people the same way? As you can see I don't know what to suggest, but just know that we are all praying for you and sending our love and healing to you.Could you not earn some money of your own so you do not have to be so dependant on him?

'Quasi im gegenteil, fraulein Aquarius! In einer schlimmen verfassung gewesen, gespannt, mit unsicheren handen...going back to English.....because I find I remember less and less each day......nice to read your words, as I do all the time in rays of Wisdom!'

Hello there. Just so happened to log on tonight and saw your message. Those who seem the most unworthy of love are those who need it most. There are two things I would advise. First, be as absolutely loving as you can no matter what he says/does to you. If you are ridiculously sweet (not sarcastic) and realize that the best thing you can do for him is to spread your loving light to him, you will knock him off his balance. Also, visualize him often in a bubble of pink light. Ask your angels and guides to keep you free of all negative energy that may come from him and protect you from any positive energy he may be sucking out of you. Bless him often. One mantra you may say in your head is "I love you, please forgive me, I'm sorry, thank you." If this is too hard now, try instead "I love you, I forgive you, Thank you" until you can do the other one without any emotional charge.
You do need to leave this situation as it is not for your highest good as far as I see it. However, you must do so smartly. Do not be a victim any longer, whether you live with him still or not. Choose to see everything he does as him crying out for love from whatever has ailed him that he hasn't healed from his own childhood or adulthood. He hurts you because he thinks it will feel better to have people to comisurate with that feel as bad as he does. However, he will never feel better by doing this because he will always need a new fix. Once he pulls you down enough he will move on to someone else.
He is not a bad man he is a hurting man, as is everyone who feels the need to take positive energy from another.
When he hurts you verbally, bless him and move on. Do not take it personally, it has nothing to do with you.
Then, when you've got him reacting a bit differently to you, move out. I am sure that by getting over this giant block of being a victim, the universe will open up new options to you to help you move forward.
Think about it this way-- HE is not holding you and your sister back. You are letting him have control over you.
Take back your control. Realize he is in DEEP need of love because he is lacking it very much. Bless him, and move on.
Lots of love.
Feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk further.

Hi Aqua, water girl; Kukla and Dancer: Und was nun? Ya know, I wanted Romania to advance in Euro2008, though I will always cheer Deutschland on. I have grown to like the Turks, because of the valiant and furious effort they played, in a pivotal match, against the Czechs. This is a dichotomy, since the Romanians have an intense dislike for the Turks. But we are talking footie (football, soccer for those of other countries) and it doesn't really matter! In Greek, Kukla is a doll or plaything....I think that is true of modern Greek as well as ancient Greek. Someone on this site must speak Greek.....BUT Kukla was also a hand puppet, in a telly show way back when in the early days of telly, when I was a very small kid. Dancer has anaylzed the situation much the same as I have, but has great sympathy for the protagonist and only somewhat for the victim(s). My allegiances of truth lie in the victims and screw the old man! Let him rot in his own personal hell! So, I still say, KUKLA (if you haven't all ready) get the heck out.....grab sis and GO! Duddy will work it out on his own..he's a grown man and will figure it out if he hasn't all ready.

DANCER: You are very willing to forgive, but how much will you forgive?

Hey Marty. Thanks for the shout out.
I advocate blessing and moving on because the burden to carry will be hers and hers alone if she continues to stay a victim in the situation. I do feel empathy for her but also want to offer no holds barred honest help as she asked for help. My sympathies and love and light only would be nice of course, but I wanted to also provide some tools for going forward.
I DO think she should leave, but since she probably has been placed in this family this lifetime for a reason, it will only cause more harm than good for her to leave without facing the lesson that needs to be faced- in this case victimhood. If she leaves without facing the issue, it will only re-appear in her life under different circumstances later. Releasing victimhood is a very hard but important lesson to learn. Only you have the power to take back your own power by refusing to be a victim.

Heeellooo DancingQueen: "Releasing victimhood is a very hard but important lesson to learn"

Right you are, Tango.......it has taken me years to give up victimhood and it's most important followup...REVENGE! Curiously enough, it was a UMS person that made me really think about the folly of it all, in the mindset and life that I have lived. We are, both, not the same since then. The other is radiant in a new life...and I am just learning to live anew. I just didn't want KUKLA to ever regret what she must do....and she MUST DO IT!

I want to leave and I'm trying desperately to save money to leave but it's hard when I don't have a degree and when I go for interviews they check my credit... I know i should be making way more than i do but what can i do in an economy that is the way it is. I like my job and I am trying but it's hard. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I think that also prevents me from wanting and being/doing more than what I already am and do. I need to put money into my car so I have a car to make it to work so now the money i did save is going towards that instead of what i wanted it for.. moving out. My goal is to get out in January. I'm off the whole month from work and that gives me an additional 5/6 months to pay off my bills and save.

Begin envisioning your dreams, raise up the feelings that please you. Think of yourself as happy and successful and attracting Good into your life. It is hard to change decades worth of thinking, but it can be done, moment by moment. Every time you think of a negative, an obstacle, a block, turn your thoughts to the positive, the freedom, the ease. It may sound fantastical, but it works!

Your essence is positive, life enhancing energy. Feel the life pulse in your body. Give thanks. Look in the mirror and say "I love you." Keep doing it until you break out into a smile and see the person you want to be looking back at you. Cease from all negative prophetic statements, no more can't, no more blame.

This is not the only answer either but a small part of the puzzle that you can work on.

I think all of my relationships fail because of him and my situation with him.

Let me ask you this. I have to get my car fixed 700 dollars. could be 1000 but I'm not going to fix everything. The guy is doing it as side work and is saving me about half of what it would cost to take it into a dealership. Problem is if i don't have a car I can't get to work.. but then there goes all the money I saved to pay bills off and move out.

????Any suggestions?

Here's the list:
Brakes
Routers
New Passenger mirror cuz its cut off
Air conditioner is broke
New plugs because said that's what's making the noise from the original set of plugs and it drives me nuts
slow brake fluid leaking
slow gas leak

It must be so difficult to be in your shoes. Truthfully I was walked a few miles in them, however every person's situation is unique to them. In retrospect, what got me through a seemingly endless torture was almost (sounds silly ) and forgive me for possibly stating the obvious here is- Faith. Giving the situation over to the Creator. Talk aloud. Pray. Meditate. Ask, then give gratitude as you Know that your life will turn around when you give it to the light. That does not mean to stop being proactive and realistic because it is apparent that you are and that is indeed important and necessary...but just look into the Light and go about your day with the knowledge that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now, and that you will be led to all the goodness you desire, and at the same time, all the goodness will be led to you. I wonder if you have read The Secret. Alot of critics out there, and I agree that it can be considered obvious and hokey, but it speaks a basic truth. What you send out into the Universe, you will receive. You, in your sad helplessness are sending out "I can't handle this. I am quantifying (easily done) my problems. I am stuck and I cannot get out". The Universe hears, " She is stuck. She is focusing on all the negativity. I will continue to manifest this negativity for her!!
A simple flip of a switch in your psyche can manifest such Truth, Brilliance and Light that you won't know what hit ya! So perhaps you can try sending out this energy:
"I am worthy of peace and happiness. I know that the Universe will Manifest for me in whatever way I need and desire as long as it is for the Greater Good of myself and all others. I am grateful for all that you manifest for me". Sweet one, you will feel a physical shift. This I promise you. Before you know it, your words and actions will take on a different flavor. You will have positive changes in your life in ways that you never even knew needed changing. When you hand over your life to the Love and Light of the Creator of the Universe, a physical weight will be lifted off your shoulders. You will feel lighter. You will have more energy to expect only healthy relationships and wonderful situations. You are so bogged down by the weight of your day to day anxiety that you are not aware of how heavy it is! Every day, as you live this current life, know that it is one day closer to your happiness.
Certainly here I express my own opinion and not the opinion of others necessarily. I just know deep in my heart of hearts that you will be joyous!
Love and Blessings to you-
Lori

Find and date a man who is "Mr. Fix it". They do exist.... i married one. I was so impressed that he could fix so much, it was hard for me not to stare in ahhhh.

Don't get me wrong, I am somewhat of a Ms. Fix it, so if he cannot do it, chances are, I can. Unfortunately, we too, ALWAYS have cars broken down. Be glad it is only your own car. Wait till you have a bunch of kids and their cars break down. My kid #3's car is broken right now. Last night my hubby went to the Emergency Room, so I had my daughter drive me to him. We got into her car and we started driving. I told her to immediately stop, turn around and go back home. Her car was so horrible sounding, i thought it wouldn't make it. The engine light is on, and the oil light kept flashing on and off..... GREAT! ACK.....

I made her take my other daughters car, that was leaking anti-freeze constantly, even though we kept fixing it, and fixing it. While she was in college, we stored it in a garage, only for it to leak all over. One week ago, we finally got it to stop leaking. Only had to work on it four times. Now, Thankfully my husband knows a lot about cars, or my dad. I am pretty much car DIR!

My mini-van is possessed. I am pretty sure there is something ALWAYS wrong with it and it's been that way ever since we bought it. Time for a trade in.

My daughter#2, finally has a car that I do not have to have fixed all the time. She bought her father's car (My ex) so now when it breaks down, she goes to HIM. Whew..... one less for me to deal with.

So my point in all this is: Look for qualities in men that are able to fix things. Saves a lot of money, and they impress the heck out of us women.

Now, i know that cannot solve all your problems, but having such qualities around really does save a lot of money in the long run.

Just giving my own perspective, may not be that easy. Blessings and I hope your car gets fixed.

Posts: 339Location: No I'm not impersonating a cat! I'm a laughing Owl

Doc, I just love your suggestions! Yes, remember the days when men were really taught by their fathers to fix things? Now that the economy is slowly eliminating the middle class more people will start to place value on those talents. People will start to appreciate a woman who can cook a restuarant style meal at home and a man who can save money on having to not hire out for a plumber, or mechanic...etc.

It's a slow burn where there will be simply those that have and those that don't. What I was happy to hear was that more and more people are canceling their cable because they need money for gas. I think an answer to help our struggling families and individuals is to cut back and simplify.

I would love to see more and more people raise food in their own small gardens, no matter how small. Raise fresh herbs, dry and package the leftovers for neighbors, family and friends. If we learn to help rely and support the people in our own communities then it will make it awfully difficult for many Americans to be so badly explioted.

Here's an idea, have a community center in every township, and I say township where people can bring extra food, clothing, etc. Think about it...People can donate their skills like fixing things...just an idea. We need some sort of ideas to help stop this madness that we are dealing with in today's economy.

hahahahaaaaa Jill that makes me laugh and smile because it reminds me of a common but all too true saying-

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side".

My husband is a brilliant scientist. Patents, articles, you name it. But he will carry a hot pizza into the house like a book, vertically and under his arm. No Joke! I can rearrange my entire house without him noticing. I have cut my hair from back length to a pixie and he says " Hmm...what's different about you"? I have put up and decorated Christmas trees over the last 18 years of our marriage and he does not notice. He is sweet, loving, patient, kind caring and- being the consummate engineer, very linear in his thinking. Car repair? That's what mechanics are for. We could have saved so much money over the years!!! It frustrates me to no end. What I do have, though, is a tender sweet husband who lets me flow.

Kukla Love, I certainly do not mean to make light of your situation, but perhaps it is a reminder to smile, and laugh, and count the blessings we do have.

PS: Rose, great idea. Side note- have you read Animal Vegetable Miracle? Amazing and True story about a family who moves from Tucson to Appalachian region to live off their own food for a year, complete with cooperatives and neighbor sharing and bartering. I boasted about this book on another thread here, but it wants to be talked about again, apparently!! xo

(Again, apologies to Kukla, this post may well belong on another thread )

hi kukla,i was thinking of you this morning,and wondering how things are going,i hope and pray they have changed fro the positive.You say all your relationships fail because of him,i think they fail because you are in a situation of low self esteem,because of your fathers constant putting you down,you have come to beleive it yourself,of yourself.You also say you have a car,that you planned to use for work,etc,and also to escape,but itts all going wrong.I think you are in a very negative cycle,and i feel the ony way out,is to walk away.Don,t set yourself a target date for when to leave,as that date will come and go,and you ill still be inn the same situation,with even more problems.Some may say things happen when the time is right,in some cases this does apply,in yours the time is long overdue.If you keep waiting for the circumstances to be right,you will in this case never go forward.So,i say to you again kindly,don,t just think about action,take it,now.You may have no car,no money,etc,but if you have your self respect,and wish no more things to be takenn from you,it is you who can change this situation immediately.It is frightening to make a move when you are in such a situation,but i guarantee,that once you put in your mind,I CAN,AND I WILL,then act upon it,your whole life will change,and you will find help will arrive from the most unexpected sources,and guide you to where you should be.Its easy to say,let go of the fear,but go with the fear,don,t let it be your constant companion,but waiting for it to go,in your situation,will just bring more fear,so,take it with you,along with the safe and sure knowledge,that you have taken a positive step,which in itself wil attract positive things to you.I feel so strongly this is the way for you,but no one can make your mind up for you,you have wasted enough energies in your ongoing situation,it shows you have strengh,use that strengh to take that first step.As i say,i have not heard from you in a while,so please,if you can,let us know what is happening,forget "if you can",change that to i will,okay,love and hugs to you,and the promise of a bright and happy future,iris xxx

I need to save money.. I don't have it to do right now and I don't have the credit to do it either.. I'd have to rely on someone elses name and credit to soley have my own apartment. I suppose I could find someone looking for a roommate, but I fear of living with someone and not getting along with them., then what about my cat that i dearly love so much.

As for my father, he's been better.. as better for him can be. We have a mutual friend who acts as a mediator that helps me out tremendously when he gets into his tiffs.

I really want my own place. I have huge issues picking up on everyone's energy and really feel that my home shouldn't have to be that way.

Be the change you want. You want him to take responsibility for his actions so you must do the same. Be financially, emotionally& spiritually independent of him for both your sakes. Then blame cannot be attached. Teach him by example. Its the only way. If he changes he does if he doesnt, he doesnt. You will have done all you can. There is peace in acceptance. You 'appear' to be suffering lack. Supply is not getting, supply is giving. Give him what you want/need to recieve. I hope this makes sense. Godbless you my friend and take heart. Truth and happiness will get you in the end.