My Quest for Happiness - and Everything In Between

Thursday, April 28, 2011

After countless hours of deciding weather or not to keep this blog, I have decided to keep it, and stick to it (I realize I have said this before, I mean it this time!)I have also decided that I am going to take a writing course in my spare time to hopefully increase the validity of what I am trying convey here on my blog, that being my thoughts, life lessons and everyday jibberish.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Lately work has been a bit slow and I've taken the opportunity to do some browsing through the Internet (shh, bad I know!) I came across this AMAZING website called the Black Label Boutique www.blacklabelboutique.com

I am not sure if you ladies have ever heard of it but essentially it's a website that carries all the name brand clothing that celebrities buy. They have tab specifically for celeb shopping and it shows what they are wearing.

I have been seriously lusting for this Rebel Yell t-shirt seen below on Audrina! How cute does this look!?! I swear that girl could look good in a paper bag!

They carry labels like Wildfox, Rebel Yell, Brokedown, Chaser LA and lots more! Here are some pics of celebs sporting these labels... Enjoy!

I am sooo tempted to pull out the credit card and go hog wild howeeevver I have to curb my serious temptation to do so, gotta try and save those bills!!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Yesterday was a sad day. My eyes are puffed so much from crying literally ALL day.

I got a phone call from my best friend aka sister. She lives in another time zone which is a few hours ahead. She called me first thing on Friday morning, I already knew something was wrong, we always talk at night so immediate panic courses through my body. I call her back quickly not even saying hello but "what's wrong".

Sister - "okay I have to tell you something, but don't panic okay?"

Me- "Too late, what is it?"

Sister - "I just got back from the doctor"

She recently had a mole removed from her calf muscle that was suspicious.

Me - "What did they say?"

Sister - "That it was cancerous, and was Melanoma, and maybe has spread to my lymph nodes."

Tears are spewing down my face, chin shaking along with my hands trying to have composure over myself so she doesn't hear me (you always want to be the strong one for them), instead it was dead silence.

Me - Endless questions "Did they get it all? What's next? When are the apmnts? etc etc.

Sister - "Next week is everything, but don't worry about me"

Easier said than done. She is a REALLY positive person and thankfully has rubbed off on me. Today I feel better because for some reason I know she will be okay, there is no way I am not going to see her get married and have babies. I have decided.

I wanted to do a post on this because I know everyone can relate. It's amazing how quickly your world can be turned, where the things that used to matter don't mean a thing anymore. The thoughts you never thought you would have all of a sudden dominate your mind. You also learn really quickly whom the true people in your life are, really quickly...

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Ever get that feeling that creeps in on your Sunday evening, when you realize that your weekend is officially over and tomorrow it's back to the grindstone and to that four letter word we most despise..W-O-R-K.

I wanted to do a blog post on this because this feeling is something that I have been experiencing a lot lately and in speaking with other people these characterized 'Sunday Night Blues' are certainly understood and shared amongst many individuals.

I can't help but associate this feeling with not being happy with my job. When I know I have to return to work from the weekend, this depressed feeling washes over me. I mean most of us loath Mondays, it's a period of adjustment back to the work week, however this feeling for me is pure unhappiness of where I'm at in my career and what I want to become.

Recently it's really hit me that I'm not fulfilling life to it's fullest, especially in my career. I envy those people whom wake up and love their job, whom don't look at the clock just waiting for time to pass till they can go home. I have a few people in my life just like that ....For example my girlfriend started out as a Sales Representative for Billabong and now she owns her own store and she is completely in love with her career. Another example is my friend whom is in Interior Design, she grew up watching HGTV (Home & Garden Television Network) and is passionate about design. She now works for a top design company in the city and deals with high profile clients. Thus concluding both of my girlfriends have ALWAYS known what they have wanted to do from the moment I have met them, me however has NEVER known what I want to do. Even in University I took a variety of courses to see what would spark my interest, turns out I hated school - I graduated but it felt like pulling teeth to get there. I have never had a plan really, just simply to get a job and go with the flow and see where life takes me. Well that plan as of right now has left me to misery.

Lately this quote seems to sum up my career life, since I have a million and one things going through my head of what I "THINK" I would like to do for my future...

"If you become the jack of all trades, you'll never master in one"

I figure there is no better time to take action, so I'm going to see a Psychologist whom specialises in Career Coaching. I hope she will be able to shead some light on my situation and at least point me in the right direction. I am also going to post some resources of my sessions on my blog to help you guys to if you are also confused or even to consider some options that you may not have thought about before.

I wanted to end this post by asking what you guys do? What did you go to school for? Do you like your job? What is your dream job?

Let me know :) Hope you lovelies had a fabulous weekend and I'll lastly leave you with a great quote because I can't resist.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

When it comes to products I am a simple girl, consider me the Andrea in "Devil Wears Prada" whom wears the Bonne Bell Cherry Lip Balm to a high class function instead of Chanel lip gloss.

I really hate adding more steps to my routine so I've always kept it minimum. Here are some products I know couldn't live without.

Number One: Neutrogena Make Up Remover Cloths

These babies are amazing, especially when you come home on late nights are JUST too tired to go wash your face. These will do the trick. Typically what I do is after I get home from work is I immediately take one of these to my face. I hate having makeup on my skin when I don't have too. This is probably because I need to always let my skin breath when I can because I am so prone to breakouts. I always however still exfoliate my face with the product featured next;

Number Two: Clearsil Daily Exfoliating Scrub

I recently just picked this up to give it a try. I LOVE IT, it's a great scrub to use everyday without being TOO harsh on your skin. It contains Salicylic Acid - 2% which is great for people prone to acne, it also smells fantastic! You do not need to exfoliate every single day, however for people with rough and uneven skin tone as well as blackheads it certainly does help. I use the Clearsil Daily Exfoliating Scrub with the next featured product;

Number Three: Clarisonic Mia

This little baby I would scrap for if anyone tried to take it away from me, it's a necessity to me now. While it claims to tighten pores and reduce the look of aging, I'll be honest and say I can't agree with those statements. It does however leave my skin MUCH smoother and softer. It's amazing, consider it like a mini facial every day! I also use it on my chest and back when I am in the shower. When I purchased it in the store the sales associate said she uses it to reduce ingrown hairs under her underarms and bikini line. I personally think that is a bit much. If I'm using it on my face I would like to keep it there, but just personal preference. The ONLY downside is that you have to continue to buy replacement heads for the brush every 3months. Because I am anal and obsessed with my skin I replace them every two. It costs about $30.00 to replace and while it might not seem much, when you are trying to save money and only spend on the basics it can be downright annoying to your budget. I am searching for other places to purchase so I will let you know if I am successful other than buy them from Sephora.

Product Number Four - Carmex Lip Stick

This lip balm is now located in my car, purse, drawer at work and on my nightstand. I use ALL the time. I love it because unlike Burts Bees it goes on a lot easier and also contains SPF which is great. You can use it after a sunburn or just for regular use. Eitehr way it's a great product, and it's been around forever, so you know it's loved.

Product Number Five: Neutrogena Anti-Residue Shampoo

This product is pure nostalgic memory for me. Every time I visited my grandparents on the lake I used this product. My grandmother has used it for years and has sworn by it. Since there is so many products that can go into your hair examples; different shampoos, moose, heat protector, straighting balm, shine spray, oils etc after continuous use a lot of the residue will get built up in your hair. I use this shampoo in between switching shampoos. I will use this once every two weeks. It strips all the residue and product out of your hair and leaves it feeling really soft and natural. I think this product really contributes to the healthy maintenance of your hair.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Wow ... that was a long blogging break, I wanted to take a break from blogging just to focus on a few things personally however I took a longer break than intended!

I'm not going to do a big post tonight, just wanted to post a few pictures from the weekend. I went to my boyfriends, grandparents farm in Saskatchewan, Canada. It was quite the weekeend, no internet, no cell phone receiption and NO TV... crazy huh!!!

I have to report however that It wasn't as bad as I intended, it actually forces you to relax. We did bring in interet stick for backup - pure desparation moments only however, I didn't even crack my laptop open ALL weekend!

Here are a few pics below of me on the farm!

I'll be posting more frequently now as life has started to slow down a bit. I've recently created a more healthy eating routine and think I will do a few posts regarding that and exercise as I am now starting bootcamp!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I am now 24 and really feel like every day when I wake up, I am genuinely not happy. Now I feel guilty for feeling this and even expressing this when I have so much to be thankful for.

I have a great family, an amazing boyfriend my own car a decent job, and A LOT of nice things. I am also extremely blessed to live in North America – Canada and have such a high comfort of safety each day. All of which I am eternally grateful for.

I would however trade everything however to be completely happy. I mean I have always heard people say that and have got when they meant, now I truly understand what they mean. For me when I started this blog it was an attempt to hopefully find myself and a portal for me to express, share, learn and make some friends. Lately however I have been apprehensive to get personal not fully sure if I wanted to share my personal deep feelings with the world. This morning when I woke up and was thinking of my blog on the way to work I decided to say screw it and just post how I feel, I mean that’s the point so why not be real. So here is my story...

The past few years for me have been very difficult, I have gone through quite a bit in regards to my health – dealing with anxiety, insomnia and overall a compromised immune system. This has really been tough for me being 24 and wanting to really enjoy being my age, travel, make friends, socially drink and just have fun without thinking how is this going to affect my health the next day or next week.

Essential to give you a breakdown of how I got this way starts with going back to my second year of university. I became quite ill – Viral Infection is what the doctors told me and I was in the hospital until they sent me home and said just rest and you will feel better. This virus however lasted one full week, nothing has ever taken me down so harshly, I couldn't’t move, could hardly eat, had a temperature of 106 and felt like I was going to honestly not make it. Thankfully my best friend was by my side (she is my sister – most amazing woman I have ever met) took care of me from literally bathing me to feeding me – you name it she did it, I am so blessed for her. My parents were in Calgary and I went to school in Ontario, they wanted me to get on a plane ASAP however there was no way I could. After the first week of being sick I woke up one day with a huge rash covering my body, almost like a heat rash. I immediately went to the clinic at school where they told me it was my body’s reaction to such a high fever. A week later I felt significantly better, was back and school and pretty much back into my normal day to day routine.

Fast-forward to six months later – Calgary, Alberta - August 2007

I woke up and felt terrible, like I hadn’t slept all night and literally felt like I couldn't’t move. I felt my symptoms of my viral infection slowly re-occurring and figured I was just getting sick again. I went back to school in Ontario and attended my 3rd year of university. This year however I couldn't’t focus, slept all the time, and was totally not myself. Instead of meeting friends after class I was dying to go home and lay down. This significantly changed my life from the way I socialize to my thinking process to well EVERYTHING! I quickly became depressed and felt as if I had no one to talk to about it. I attended doctors all telling me I had mono but when the numerous blood tests were done they was no evidence. I continued on with school and it wasn’t until a few years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This is essentially an auto immune disorder in which makes you very tired, gives you brain fog which makes you unable to focus, you feel sick all the time, high anxiety etc. I could go on forever.

In April of this year I attended a clinic called the Fibro and Fatigue Center located in Las Vegas, Nevada. Where I was formally diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome also know as CFS. This clinic specializes in the disorder and is highly recognized in North America. i won't mention the ridiculous cost of this clinic however I'll just say that when you know the help is out there waiting for you, you are desperate.

I am going to cut this blog short and decide to create a part two because there is so much more I need to share with you all. Thanks for listening and sleep tight :)

About Me

Hello Everyone!
I'm a 24 year old girl trying to figure out the road of life. I have a serious love of fashion combined with a new found respect for shoes. I love to travel and am focused on all aspects of health and wellness including anything beauty related. Follow me on my journey!