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Most people that I meet think I’m really smart. How do I
know that? Because I’m really smart. But what happens if you’re not so smart as
me? That’s easy! All you need to do is fake it to make it. Act like you’re
smart and nobody will ever know or care. In this article, I give my greatest
tips, taken from experience from when I was really dumb and pretending to be
smart. Now, I’m actually smart so I don’t need to pretend anymore. But for you
stupids out there, these tips are for you.

1. Marvel

This is a simple, non-verbal way
of showing your peers that you are intelligent. Pretend like everything you see
is a new discovery and just marvel at it. Act like you are studying every
object, trying to determine its inner workings. Normal people just accept that
things work and never question how. But you are so smart that you have to
figure everything out. Nobody needs to know that you’re just staring really
hard at a can opener. Furrow your brow and stroke your chin. What could this
be? How does this work? Can I improve on this design? You obviously don’t know
the answer, but just the fact that you look like you’re thinking about it will
make it look like you’re smart. If someone tries to ask you a question like
“Why do you keep staring at that piece of toast?” just ignore them because
you’re too deep in thought and because you don’t know the answer.

2. Trivia Champ

People think you are smart if you
know a little about a lot of things. Trivia games are an easy way to see who is
a smarty-pants and who is a dummy-pants. The answer is you; you are the
dummy-pants, but your friends don’t have to know. What you must do is pay
attention to the questions and answers. When they are asked, you obviously
don’t know the answer, but say with conviction and excitement that you know it,
but can’t think of it. It’s on the tip of your tongue! Listen for the answer,
and as soon as it comes out, say it immediately, as if you thought of the
answer before it was revealed and just couldn’t say it quickly enough. Follow
it up with “I remember that from…” and make up somewhere you might have heard
it, like a book you read, or a documentary you watched. For example, the question
might be, “How many planets are in our solar system?” You quickly repeat the
answer after it’s given. Then you say “Yeah, I remember that from space class
when I was studying in Spain University”. Now who’s the smart one?

3. Please...elaborate

In constant search of knowledge, smart
people always want to probe deeper into what a person has just said. If you are
in the midst of a conversation and someone finishes saying whatever boring
thing they were saying, respond with two words: “Please elaborate”. You don’t
need to know what “elaborate” means, just say it. The timing is important as
well. Say “Please” emphatically, count to three, then say “elaborate”. (Do not
count out loud!) The person will think you understood what they said and will
continue talking. This shows that you are well-rounded and can understand
multiple topics. If you have trouble pronouncing “elaborate”, try the phrase
“go on” instead. If you count between “go” and “on” in your head or out loud,
you will look like an idiot. Don’t do that. Here’s an example: Some girl is
talking about her dumb cat and she finishes with something like, “My cat died
in the house fire I had last month. It still haunts me and I really don’t like
talking about it. He’s gone. He’s really just gone forever.” You say, “Please”
(one, two, three) “elaborate”.

4. Fake Phone Call

Smart people are always doing
business; they are smart, important people that make a lot of money and have to
take care of business even when they’re not at work. So, at a party or casual
setting pretend like you’ve just gotten a call. Politely, say “Pardon me, I
need to take this”. Step away from the group, but remain in earshot so they can
still hear your conversation. Say some key words like “invest”, “stocks”,
“margins” and “third quarter”. These are smart business people words that you
don’t understand, but really nobody else does either. Speak as if you are the
person’s boss. For example: “Richard, my margin stocks are not enough wealthy.
Fifty cents is not enough good. I need to invest in a third quarter.” Return to
the group conversation and say “Sorry, just had to take care of some important
business stuff.” You should get some interesting looks with this neat trick.

5. Portugal

“Portugal?”, you say? “Isn’t that
a city?”, you say? “Yes” and “Yes”. Portugal is a city somewhere in Europe, so
automatically you get sophistication points for incorporating Europe into your
conversation. You don’t just jump into a conversation and yell “Portugal! Portugal!” Of course not, dummy!
Try this instead. When someone smart says something about anything just respond
with, “Ah yes, similar to the climate in Portugal”. Even if the conversation
isn’t about weather, somehow it still works! I have no clue how! I’m smart, but
I’m no Stephen Hopkin, or anything. Just try it!

Now you know 5 tricks to sound way smarter. Give them a try and let me know how it goes!