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Stressful BUT I love it.

Ok, I hate to admit this but I love joining competition. I'm a competition junkie.

I just like the adrenaline rush I get. I feel so damn alive.

I also like joining competition because I learn more about myself and other people.

I get to see if a person is productive or not. I get to see if the person is an asshole and I get to see who can keep their head calm when hell breaks loose.

To be honest, I never cared about the other competitors because whatever the competition do is none of my business. I'm more interested in what I do.

So I joined this 3 page spread magazine making competition (NIE MAG INC 2010). We had to make our own cover, articles and comics. We even had to do interviews.AND so we did...

Man, as the leader or editor for this magazine, I learnt some new stuff. For one, I learnt to NEVER EVER underestimate or overestimate somebody.

I have this teammate who is like a mystery card. I didn't know what to do with her. She can't write or draw so I was like, what can she do to help with the magazine?My dad said that I should just give her a task and see how she does. And holy crap, my dad was right. I let her edit the cover of the magazine and it came out beautifully.So the mystery card became a trump card.

Then, I have this other teammate who seems smart and productive but actually isn't. She talks more than she does. She's just not effective. Well, at the end, she was slightly more productive.

And then, I have another teammate who is SUPER EFFECTIVE and PRODUCTIVE. I totally loved her and I feel guilty for slightly overworking her.

As a leader, I tried to give them space and allow them to be creative. I wasn't one of those control freak leaders. I'm a cool cucumber kind. I believe in trusting my teammates. I want their creativity to shine and surprise me.After all, a leader job is to create a team that allow each member to strut their stuff.

Anyhow, we worked pretty hard on it. To be honest, I didn't kinda like how everything came out but whatever. Hopefully, we win because we all really need the scholarship. (Well, I need it anyway!)

Eventhough, this was highly stressful but I enjoyed it. So if I become an editor now or work for some magazine, I kinda don't mind.

Anyhow, it's finally over. It was nice & stressful while it lasted. Well, maybe my teammates & I should celebrate later for a job well done.

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This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

Man, it feels odd to have people believe in you at the very moment you do not trust yourself. It feels odd to hear people's praises of you when you're feeling incapable. So I guess, it's time for one of my many alter ego to suit up if I wanna win that debate competition!!

Like any other person, I have many alter ego's...and I'm gonna list most of them today.

Ms Drama QueenLikes :Attention and spotlight. She's a diva.Dislikes :People stealing her spotlight or not getting her spotlight.She is : A real drama queen. She whines & complains alot though. She thinks that the world revolves around her.Can't handle :Ms Productive

Ms Arrogant Likes : Winning, winning and winning.Dislikes : Losing and losers.She is : A real mean arrogant person. She really doesn't care about the other people. She thinks she is the best. Mostly, she thinks that her opponents aren't even her equal unless they have proven otherwise. Even then, she still thinks she is better than …

I guess it's time I grow up. When high school is over, I have to grow up, be a mature and a responsible little young lady.There's alot of things I have to learn.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of leaving graduating from high school.WHY?I mean, I've been going to school for years. And the thought that it will finally end is a relief but also a little frightening.

But it's a new chapter in life. Everyone goes through it. So yea, I'm afraid but excited at the same time. There's so much to do after the graduating. College, driver licence & etc...

I guess I'll miss high school a little. Never thought it would end...but yea, it will soon enough.

Before I left high school, I need some closure. I mean, I made some friends & lost some friends. I do have some regrets. I was such an idiot and arrogant ass last time.So yea, before high school end, I need to send some letters to the few people I hurt.