Wednesday, 16 August 2017

My Journey with Alcohol | Everyday in August (17)

~ My Journey with Alcohol ~﻿

As I am only around a month away from my 21st birthday, it will mark 3 whole years of illegally being allowed to buy alcohol. In these 3 years (and a couple of years before #rebel) I feel like I've had an up and down journey with alcohol, from being sociable and loving it whilst in sixth form, to hating the whole 'going out clubbing' thing - to now, loving it/ hating it all at the same time.. its been up and down but I finally feel like I've found how to enjoy myself, whether alcohol is involved or not.. ﻿

Rewinding back to sixth form, aged 17/18, house parties were the thing. Back then I was incredibly shy, the shyest most timid person you will have met. Around my very close friend I was fine, but anyone else.. I'd panic, I'd hardly be able to talk without being uncomfortable.. so so socially awkward. So my way of dealing with this was, when being invited to house parties, get so so drunk and my confidence would suddenly be sky high, I'd forget what being awkward was and everyone was my friend I could chat with. Of course this was all great and at that time I loved alcohol, I loved being sociable. I was at parties full with people I knew and I'd chat and we'd have a great time.

But slowly everyone started turning 18 and suddenly, house parties died down and going out drinking/ clubbing was what everyone did.. and I absolutely hated it. I'd be fine with pre-drinking having a few drinks when out. But the whole thing of being around strangers and in sweaty clubs with people staring at you and being waaaaay too close for comfort.. I'd be in a club wishing I was at home. At this point, my confidence was still rock bottom and talking to strangers just wasn't the same. From probably 18-19 years I barely drank at all. It'd be months before I'd touch anything. I preferred going for coffee and lunch with my friends instead on the weekend.

With everything life throws at you, as I began working at my full time office job, when you're working around adults near enough 24/7 you do gain a different perspective in life. With this my confidence has spiralled and right now I'm not the same person I was three years ago. I'll talk to anyone now. With that being on the phone or face to face. As my confidence has grown, I've gained a completely different relationship with alcohol. I don't drink it to be confident anymore and I drink alcohol because I genuinely like the taste.. and not going to lie I do wake up with a hangover sometimes, literally bursting out crying because I'm weak human being and cannot deal with a headache haha. But now, I can take it or leave it with alcohol. I still am no party animal, but if I do need to drinking I will. But, its never relied on for me to actually be able to communicate with people anymore.

Like I said, I have loved, hated and then loved alcohol again over the past few years. Essentially its all down to confidence. With me starting university in September I feel like I'm at the perfect time in my life, with fresher's and all that that comes with uni life, I feel like I won't want to go into hiding at the thought of clubbing.

... as I type this I very much considering a glass of Rosé (Its 4pm as I type this!).. but its 5 o'clock somewhere right?!﻿