Taking the bitter with the sweet

Shoe blues

I’m alive! Okay, I exaggerate. I survived first day of training, and it wasn’t as crazy/hot/insufferable as I expected. If you’ll allow me to kvetch just this once, though: My feet hurt like motherf*ckers. I had even bought these super comfortable, slip-proof Sanita clogs to replace my heavy MBTs, which really did nothing for my back, though I’ll admit my back has been hurting since the Iran-Contra affair and no pair of orthopedic shoes will undo this damage.

Anyway, I digress. When I got into bed, I anticipated an immediate black-out because I was pretty whipped from the day, but I tossed and turned for a good hour because I was distracted by my feet. They were throbbing and pumping a rhythmic beat of pain as though each foot had its own broken heart. Et tu, Sanita? I had such high hopes for them, and rightly so—they’re stamped with the seal of approval from the American Podiatric Medical Association! This can’t be!

However, a friend who wears Birkis in the kitchen said she likes them, but after being on your feet for 9-10 hours a day, it really doesn’t matter whether you have on the Mercedes of comfort shoes, because your feet will hurt no matter what. I can illustrate this point for you on a graph: Time spent on feet on the x-axis, with pain of feet on the y-axis being directly proportionate in a straight incline. See?

So I’ll either get used to it, or work on starting a collection of shoes for my next career as a shoe hurler. If you seek to cross me, you better hope that I don’t have an MBT in hand—they’re like small boats.