Take a deep breath (okay, maybe not, if the smell is funky), and calm down. Then grab the few things you'll need to handle the backup and get out of there.

The technique below works for toilets that aren't overflowing, since you'll need to add liquid to the bowl, as Instructables notes. (If your toilet is overflowing or looks like it might, Creative Homemaking suggests getting a little more creative/disgusting by removing the water manually first.) Let the bathroom games begin!

STEP 1: Squirt generous amounts of dish soap or shampoo into the clogged toilet. You can also cut a bar of soap into pieces and use that instead, according to HowStuffWorks.

STEP 2: Add a gallon of very hot (but not boiling) water to the bowl.

STEP 3: Wait a few minutes and watch -- the water should break up the toilet paper, and the soap should help it slide down the pipe. You may need to repeat steps 1 and 2, or unravel a wire hanger and use that to gently push the debris down the pipe.

And if that doesn't work, just use this Korean suction device... because why not make a gross situation even more revolting?