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How to throw a bipartisan Thanksgiving

I don’t know about you, but in the wake of this week’s election I am now gearing up for a potentially more daunting challenge – preparing to host Thanksgiving for a family made up of vocal Republicans and Democrats.

Fun! Said no one ever.

I momentarily considered cancelling the holiday to avoid the inevitable political trash talking and grumbling, but instead I am going to focus on creating an agenda and menu that will unite even the most divided among us.

1. Welcome guests with a warm hug and a glass of their favorite wine/beer/cocktail to take the edge off.

2. Tell a few humorous, non-political stories to bring everyone together and foster a spirit of love and laughter.

3. Quickly serve a meal that includes green bean casserole. Because duh.

4. TAKE AWAY THE BOOZE BEFORE ANYONE REACHES DRINK #3 AND SEND THEM HOME WITH A TO-GO CONTAINER OF PUMPKIN PIE.

Seriously. Kick them to the curb before things takes a turn for the worse, which in my experience is usually somewhere between dessert and the post-meal naps. That’s when everyone starts to feel punchy and bloated – a lethal combination, as evidenced by me, once a month, for 5-7 days.

Whoever said Thanksgiving has to be an all day festival was a masochist. Or from a nonpartisan family.

Give it three hours, and then Shut It Down and enjoy an evening alone with a good book. Or if you’re me, an entire season of The Walking Dead. Gobble, gobble.

Grandma had a very strict no politics rule. If anyone said anything vaguely political, she’d say firmly, “no politics.” If we persisted, she started hollering and wouldn’t stop until we stopped or left the room. Worked every time. Her house, her rules. No politics. Period.

Will do. And actually, my parents got here yesterday and we discussed the election for half a second but it seemed everyone was so tired of the topic that no one wanted to bother anyway. So maybe that dead horse has been beaten enough already and it won’t come up.