Dating across cultures in Hungary – the challenge or beauty of expat dating?

While living in Hungary, dating someone from a different culture can add another dimension to your relationship…but is it a boon or bane?

You may have different expectations, you don’t share the same cultural references, and the roles of men and women – and your partner’s extended family – may not be what you’re used to. It can also be a crash course in finding out about a country and its people. The differences could be inter-race, inter-culture, inter-faith… inter-esting! “ As an expat residing in Hungary, flirting with someone from another culture is fun because of the uncertainty,” says Lissy, “but I’ve found it more demanding when you’re actually in a relationship.”

According to Christophe, “Sure, if you come from two different countries, then there are extra pressures…some of them practical, like where you’re going to live or work, or if the relationship develops, where you’re going to raise any kids. Try to be open and not judgmental and appreciate the different culture, foods, humor and way of seeing things. You’re expanding your view of the world – and it also allows you to view your own culture from a different angle too”.

Expectations and assumptions

Ask each other about dating ‘rules’ in your own countries. In some cultures, dating is seen as the first step towards marriage while in others, it’s more ‘let’s see how it goes’. Make sure you’re both on the same page!

You may have preconceived ideas about someone through films or books about their country. Rather than make assumptions, find out what your partner thinks and believes.

Respect and accept the other person’s cultural norms and differences. Talk about how each other’s culture views your relationship – not everyone in the family might be happy, even if you are.

Different cultures may have different views about equality between the sexes.

“I’m used to having a lot of freedom and equality as a woman,” says British-born Bella “but I’ve been out with some men from some pretty hard-core patriarchal societies and it’s been hard to deal with some of their attitudes. I wouldn’t put up with it from an Englishman so why would I from anyone else?”

Keep talking – don’t assume your partner’s thinking the same as you.

Family and friends

“If you love someone then I believe that cultural differences enrich your relationship and if there are any problems, then you can probably overcome them. “ says Christophe “But of course, you’re not living your lives in isolation, you can come under pressure from families and friends.”

Christophe found his girlfriend’s tightknit family overwhelming. “Her parents, aunts or brother came over every day and we were expected for lunch at one of their homes every weekend. I just wasn’t used that level of contact with my own family let alone hers!”

Your own behavior might be viewed differently. “ I was seen as being very outspoken (even though by standards in my own country I’m not at all),” says Bella, “and while my boyfriend tolerated it when we were alone or with my friends, it very definitely was not when I spent time with his family or local friends.”

Make it work

Do you feel emotionally, intellectually and sexually attracted to the other person – is there a spark between you? Do you share the same long-term goals or vision for a future together? If so, then it’s worth the effort to make it work.