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Posts tagged ‘Universe’

This is one troubled Deity and I need no piety – pun intended.. I have noticed a disturbing trend on this blue-green mass of rock.. My gigai of late just can’t take it.. What am I ranting and raving about this time round?. The general elections of a certain country? Nope I don’t give a hoot about human affairs as I haven’t yet established any diplomatic relations with your human countries and at this rate I doubt I will.. There are so many pills for me to take for the so many ills that are there..
No today I want to talk about the financial institutions- banks especially.. Now I am not going to talk about how they have exorbitant interest rates that only deepen their bellies and deep pockets.. No, I am going to talk about their customer care.. My gigai being fraternity of the hospitality industry I believe that I have the right to talk about it.. I remember a certain local back that claims to be EQUITable- I used to bank with it.. Once when I went to follow up on an issue on my account I was taken to see the customer care desk.. I remember asking the agent what was the difference between a MasterCard and Visa.. He seriously told me with his many years in the banking industry that with MasterCard I could pay fare with it.. That was the difference!. Even my two year old daughter wouldn’t fall for such a lie.. Imagine the cheek!. I left with my remaining dignity and swore never to go back again.. At least Google will tell you a smarter lie..

Now today just some hours ago as I headed to my bank- a different one mind you one that claimed that it is a Diamond Trust one- I went for a different issue one involving my banking app PIN.. The agent I met at the desk was kind enough to tell me she has no idea about how the app works- I wonder what happened to training new staff on products and services offered at your company.. So she went to her friend who was a bank teller.. Now the bank teller was helpful enough to tell me in a voice reserved for kindergarten kids that I should I dial a certain short code as if I didn’t know that.. I looked at her affronted and left because when the system told me I should visit a certain branch the AI wasn’t stupid otherwise it would have told me to simply dial the USSD short code..
At least the only bank that hasn’t down me such crass stupidity is the one that lives to Chase around and I love their customer service; it is so personalized.. Back at my UI we really don’t need baking institutions so this deity really doesn’t get how the system works here on this crappy blue planet..

Until next time from a man of the people, deity of the universe of infinite and disconcerted banking client stay safe..
PS: Please stop with the killings and kidnappings during this election period.. It’ll affect the economy negatively..

Yes I know, it has been a while before this DUI posted his own original work. Do you think I just sit around in front of whatever electronic screen just waiting to post rants and raves?. Hello earth to kid, even we deities have lives to lead, or in my case, this gigai has a boring and mundane life to live. Yes yes, I am still stuck on this crappy blue-green mass of rock as I am yet to devise a human-friendly way to get back to my universe. For those of you who are cat curious, no I still haven’t found one, calling out to all Christian Scientists out there to come help a deity. I hope I didn’t sound oxymoronic.

Another year that you’ve all crossed over like chiasmata.. Yaay!. Big feat!. Not that I really care and all being the DUI and all.

I hear that 2016 will be a blank year in history books, not because nothing happened but human idiocy was at its highest level worldwide. Don’t even get me started. But I doubt Clio will care, she will put it down in her scrolls. Speaking of Clio reminds me of Apollo. Apollo reminds me of- no not the bloody United States of A feel free to use any obscenity starting with A- spaceship but rather, the Olympian. Olympian in turn reminds me of Olympus-not the boring movie depicting the bloody US of A- any other obscenity starting with an A will do- falling, the real Olympus: Dwelling of the Gods.

Yes we are going to discuss not in detail but superficially about gods.

Yes I know, I am the DUI and as such I am jealous of my divinity and realm, however, I am but a deity. That means there is that overall God, be it Jehovah, Allah, Krishna, Akal Purakh, Zeus, Jupiter, Amaterasu-ōmikami, whatever you sobriquet your Supreme Being. A deity is like a Count, has power over only his jurisdiction but still pays homage to the Big One. So where am I headed with this post?.

Nowhere really, its just that my gigai has a different religious path. Raised up in a strictly Christian household almost on par as the Puritans’, Mormons, Baptists but neither, a sense of spirituality was inbred in my gigai. I say spirituality and not religion as those two don’t have the same interchangeable meaning.

At times when meditating my gigai would view it’s Supreme Being as a stout old man sitting high in the clouds wearing spectacles and having that harsh patriarchal look. HE had a long white beard and even longer whiter hair on his head. HE didn’t wear a crown but my gigai would feel the power and wisdom emanating from the visualisation of HIM. Usually as soon as HE was visualised my gigai would tremble and complete morbid fear would envelop him. It lasted but a second and my gigai would quickly take a breath and channel its thoughts to other areas. Why am I bringing this up now?.

Well at exactly 25.1.2017 2049hrs this gigai had the unfortunate incident of conjuring up the Supreme Being and hadn’t it been for my-the DUI- pulling him out of that trance, I think I would be posting a different story now..

My question though is this, why has mankind always viewed gods as old men and women?. Look at the depiction of Zeus, Poseidon, Ra, Baal and others not mentioned. All are old aged men-by gods I mean the Head Honcho. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against grey, white or silver hair but I am yet to see a Supreme Being, being personified as a hale and robust youth, with the wisdom of an old man of course. I mean Divine Beings don’t age physically as humankind does. Besides doesn’t old age always precede death at least from a human standpoint?. I don’t know if I am speaking for all the deities out there but personally I prefer being personified as a young man, because please don’t try to kill me before my time. And if history-one of the 9 muses Clio I think- serves me right, gods are rarely killed instead being locked up in dark spiritless chasms. Where according to legend mankind shall await, Armageddon, Day of Judgement, Ragnarok, The End of the World, Aharit ha-Yamim, et al- eschatology the learned shall quip.

My side?. I am the Deity of the Universe of Infinite though the (I) could be meaning something else. For now let me pen off as I have my own version of Gotterdamurung-the end of the world to prepare back in my universe. And no there shall be no gods battling or judging of humans. My UI is a real life version of the Shangri-La, Paradise, Elysium Fields.

From the DUI, man of the people, peaceful being and jealous deity, stay safe..

Yes I am at it again, another rant and rave of your only Deity of the Universe of Infinite. I was going to brush this under the carpet but when it affected my gigai I couldn’t turn a deaf eye nor a blind ear to the matter anymore. Want to guess what my issue is? Guess you wouldn’t given a million years. Before I vent my frustration at the regression of the human race more specifically the Sapiens sapiens species, let us take a short walk through History. Yes yes, I am allowed to do that as Time falls under Infinity. And no it isn’t time travel so wipe that Mephistophelean smile off your face, I don’t want to have real live Dr. Whos and Rose Tylers.

The year will be 1876 and the smart ones already know. Yes your mental projections will be visiting Sir Alexander Graham Bell; the father of the telephone. The Aegyptopithecus to the smart phone you hold in your palm now. He patented the first practical working telephone. However, though the inventor or not depending on what history you listen to, he found the telephone a nuisance and kept it in his study. Though not evolved he could still see its danger.

Fast forward to the future. Now I know many of you are sharpening your pitchforks and stoking the fire ready for a witch-hunt or more appropriately a deity hunt, hoping to catch me and roast me well well-done. I would tell you to save your energy but you wouldn’t listen. Just like all the witches you burned during the Dark Ages who lied to you they died?

Tags, more so #tags are my pet peeve. The humans of this era are so into their Smartphone that one would be forgiven for thinking that Smartphones are their deities while in realty they are theirs stakes.

Likes comments and hash tags are the lifeline of such. When Bell made the telephone, he had no idea that the # would gain such prominence. Even the * button isn’t that button anymore. All that is left is for all mobile phones to unanimously agree that there should be a dedicated # button like the windows key on most comps

Yes all those #tags apply to this gigai as he types away. Seriously? You don’t #GiveADamn and I #Don’tCare. Very soon, the # in any tag shall be counted as a separate word in essays et al. #Change.

Look, you might think that #tagging makes you look all cool and such but honey baby, honey is only delicious to lick the first four times after that you get sick of it. It just shows your; yes your level of intellect and maturity is at #AllTimeLow. Yes some #tags do actually help a cause but only one out of every say 100? The rest are just piles upon piles of egotistical, egocentric, extrovert, self-seeking, selfish tags. (Feel free to #tag each individual word.) This reminds me of a certain dance movie I watched, where in the dance camp there was this super famous dance crew and the lead #tagged everything. As you can guess I didn’t finish watching the movie.

#MirrorNotLie #BathroomSelfies are some of the more annoying tags I encounter on a daily basis. Since you can’t beat them let me add a few #tags and hope they will pick pace and trend okay? #LavatoryLove #FaecalFacts #GOTPeeson1 #CeramicThrone #ShittySounds #Dr.Poo #GreatFartscapade Do I continue or stop? So far three main sites are responsible for the #tag phenomena HeadBook the Social networking site, that chirping micro blogging site Chirp Chirp! With its red sparrow and the extroverts’ paradise InstaGlam the photo-showcasing site.

Post photos all you like but don’t make the #tags take up more space than the photo itself. If the madness had been contained in the Internet I would not be really mad but when it spills over to WorstApp I scream. Then some of you have #tags so ingrained in you that even in SMSs I receive #Mpesa #OkoaJahazi #Kisses #IKR #I’mSleepy, and my agent sends a text saying “End month is approaching #RentCollectionManenos”, this is where as the Deity of the Universe of Infinite I become stark raving mad. #tags in texts? Come on! What next? #tags in speech and conversation.

Sandra: Hi dad so I managed to create the mountain ranges in the third planet though not as high as the Himalayas

Me: Hi there Sandra I am proud of you. #FatherDaughterIntellect I see. Well you are the daughter of the #DUI

Sandra: Uhm Okay. By the way your citizens miss you already they ask when will you be back.

Me: I #Miss them too. Tell them tomorrow is a #PublicHoliday and they can have #FunTime with #Family #Friends and #Bae.

Sandra: Okay I will try and do that but are you okay?

Me: I definitely am #Healthy just #WorkingOut #NoDoctor.

Sandra: Dad are you sure you haven’t caught one of those weird human diseases? What’s with all the #tagging in our conversation?

She hung up on me before I got to the #GottaGo tag. That conversation was not only #Ridiculous but also #Crazy #Insanity #Idiotic. She sent me a #tag free text telling me that she predicts that human communication shall revert to grunts, hieroglyphs and cave paintings very soon. Your voice boxes shall become vestigial organs and your mouths shall be for eating and maybe kissing if any of you shall remember how to do it. But I am sure you will just Googol it. Not that #ICare what happens to the #HumanRace. It is your pathetic miserable lives anyway not mine.

Until Next time from your Introverted yet Man of the People and Observant Deity of the Universe of Infinite and Hashtag free being:

I am a distressed deity. Reason being you humans think that my name is too special to be used (well you people say it is too hard to be pronounced) and so you decide to use titles instead.. Now I think I can get a fraction of how the Israelites’ Divine Being felt when His people didn’t use his name.. My reason though is different and definitely not religious considering I’m not in my Universe of Infinite..
BOSS: this tops my list, having a clean A.. Boss is a term used to call an employed salary person whose name you don’t know or either don’t want to know.. It is especially used to call (Home Specialised Security Agents) security guards, (Food and Beverage Conveyers and Dining Agents) waiters, (Home Specialized Botanical Caretaker) gardener.. You get the flow, basically the low end service providers.. I’m sure if you call a learned friend boss, you’ll be hauled to the nearest law court and be sued for libel, infamy, damage to personal character and degradation.. As for me, I’ll just save you a special seat in Dante’s Seven Tiered Hell..
MZEE.. Old?. Who you calling old man?. Don’t try to make me die before my time. Hmph, old indeed.. For now I don’t have grey hair on my gigai nor do I walk using a frame, nor walking stick or any other mobility unit.
KIJANA just the same as young man..
YOUNG MAN I have no qualms with being called young but when anyone is called young man it means someone is angry at you and insulting you in a polite manner.. You are being pit on the same level as a 9 year old..
SIR.. I think this is the only title that has a positive feel to it and for that reason I just can’t agree to be called sir. Yes it is respectful but yet again though I am Deity of the Universe of Infinite I am also a Man of the People; down to earth.. So calling me sir is just respecting me too much..
MISTER I just hate titles. That’s it. No other reason well… Other that the fact it makes me sound old and mature.. So never call me Mr. So and so..
MKUBWA.. Transliterated it means big. Now if you ever look at me and then call me mkubwa, just what are you implying and insinuating?. Are you trying to be sarcastic or what? If so then I just ask you to stop it ’cause I am the very essence of sarcasm and Sir Kassim is my best friend.. Call me mkubwa and I will drag you to court for size discrimination..
PROFESSOR well depending on who uses that title on me I’ll either be honoured or insulted.. Usually the Tom, Dick and Harriette who call me that do so putting my visual aids in mind and that is plain insult. The few who do so honourably know how vast my intellect is but they are just a handful so I detest that title too..
BWANA means husband and I am hitched to no evil Venetian species at the moment and also not planning to..
MZITO means heavyweight and that’s insulting me cause I’m lightweight being a deity.. Get it light weight..
BUDA now that means father. Well I do have my daughter back at the Universe of Infinite but I usually don’t preach that as a gospel. Also since it means man I hate it. Though it also sounds like Buddha and me being Deity of the Universe of Infinite I definitely don’t want to be monikered or sobriqueted another name..
So to round it all up, u have a name please use it.. After all a name is the only item that though it belongs to you, other people use it more than you do..

My SPIRIT beam is still not functioning so I’m still stuck on this crabby drub planet called the jewel of the solar system. As soon as I get back to my Universe of Infinite I’ll send over detailed images of what a planet should look like..

Opposite attract so the English say.. But I am yet to see an introverted nerd get married to an extroverted blonde. I’m yet to see Yin and Yang appear at the same time. I’m yet to see a life form that incorporates death and life in the same vessel in equimolar quantities.
Yes another rant and rave of the Deity of the Universe of Infinite. Today I’m going to be on the case of how you earthlings say and do contradictory things.
To start of I’ll jot down a list of proverbs and sayings that will confuse even the best of the best.
1. Opposites attract YET birds of a feather flock together.
2. Two is company three is crowd YET the more the merrier.
3. Actions speak louder than words YET the pen is mightier than the sword.
4. Practice makes perfect HOWEVER all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
5. The bigger the better BUT good things come in small packages.
6. Too many cooks spoil the broth YET many hands make light work.
7. Never send a boy to do a man’s job BUT … A little boy shall lead the all.
8. Above all to yourself be true THOUGH when in Rome do as the Romans do.
9. A man’s reach should exceed his grasp YET a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
10. Don’t judge a book by its cover HOWEVER clothes make the man.
11. Variety is the spice of life YET never change horses midstream.
12. A penny saved is a penny earned BUT money is the root of all evil.
13. The squeaky wheel gets the grease HOWEVER silence is golden.
14. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks YET it is never too late to learn.
15. Haste makes waste BUT he who hesitates is lost.
16. Nothing ventured nothing gained NEVERTHELESS better safe than sorry.
17. Do it well or not at all THOUGH half a loaf is better than none.
18. He who hesitates is lost BUT act in haste and repent at leisure.
And my personal favourite:
Out of sight out of mind THOUGH absence makes the heart grow fonder.
So until next time….

Every time I play Hill Climb Racing and I happen to be climbing a really steep hill, the phrase “nyan cat” always escapes my mouth, I wonder why..
Yes this is another of the Deity of the Universe of Infinite posts.. Well I created myself in June- please don’t ask how I did that for a deity never tells his secrets.. This June was exceptionally good towards me, some would say the planets were properly aligned. I will say I made the planets align themselves, that is the power as a deity that I have. I decided to come down from my castle in the sky, on cloud nine using a rainbow path that Silver Mane my High Horse galloped down it to the earth. And yes I did find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but I returned it to its rightful owner who was a small green man. By the way he handed me a five leaf clover am I super lucky or what?. Though as a deity I really don’t need it. I kept it as a memento.
Back to the story at hand, during the ides of June I volunteered for a certain cause and man did I have fun. Now I understand why my Greek predecessors loved leaving the heavens and coming down to mingle with the common folk.
Other than doing and giving my best, I managed to make three friends quite unwittingly. One of them dared challenge me; a deity, to a spoken duel using my preferred lexicon. Naturally the being lost but we ended up being friends. Now I noticed this habit amongst you earthlings, especially the Venetian sub species. Why do you always work, walk in pairs?. Not that I am complaining.. Anyway at least the Martian sub species don’t have that type of behaviour. Whoever penned that no man is an island should have said no woman is an island. And no I am not being chauvinistic at all.. But really men can survive alone exception being Adam.. But ladies are always in twos, threes, et al.
Strayed again, so I made this friend amongst the humans Venetian subspecies and then another and finally another.. In the end I got three for the price of one.. Not that I am complaining because now the four of us are like La Familia.. Three sisters and a brother.. And no I didn’t coin that phrase, before it was three ladies and a gent.. I think the latter sounds like a romance novel..
The best part was the being who had dared challenge Deity of the Universe of Infinite, was created the following day after I self created.. Meaning she was born a day later.. How awesome is that?. Now as you have correctly deduced I am so not planning to lose my new family that is connected not by blood but by water and friendship. As much as you humans say blood is thicker than water; in my universe there exists friends sticking closer than a brother.. So until next time’s rant and rave, take care..
PS: La Familia will have a dinner very soon. I Deity of the Universe of Infinite shall definitely tell you how it went. I definitely know it will be way better than Saturday Evening Meet (refer to previous post). And as an introverted being I will survive the evening on the little power that my antisocial battery has left