What does it say about our “representatives” representing us, when I wrote this article in 2007, and if you change only one word, the name “Bush” to “SCROTUS”, nothing has changed. This was easily written today.

If 33 people were killed by apples instead of guns at Virginia Tech, there wouldn’t be an apple left on the shelves or in the homes of this country until apples could be made safe. Screw your “constitutional right” to have an apple, there is something called the “greater good”, and the good of the country takes precedence over your “interpretation” of any amendment in the now defunct anyway constitution. Just ask the spinach growers, and the people who love to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. And why do you always forget the words, “well regulated militia”?

2500 Children Left Behind

If 2500 children under the age of 17 were felled by apples instead of guns every year in America, there wouldn’t be a congressman or senator left serving who took one penny from the National Apple Association. The shame and admonishment would be too great. And if there were even incremental steps to take to make apples safer, and even they were fought tooth and nail by your blood money National Apple Association, claiming the straw man of the “slippery slope” to “regulation”, America might better see you for the mercenary and shameful organization you truly are.

We are getting tired of prying your guns from your cold dead hands.

Here’s a news flash for you gun waving “real Americans”: It’s not about guns. It’s about money. Follow the money. The NRA raises hundreds of millions of dollars by convincing you they are fighting for your “rights”. Wake up. It’s a business. Just like any other business, except with the help of their bought off representatives, they are the only UNREGULATED consumer product in America. What do they sell? FEAR. Fear, fake patriotism, and fake bravado, just like their commander in chief, President Custer. You’re being played.

With their hundreds of millions of dollars raised on the blood of murdered Americans, they pay themselves, they keep their product manufacturers flush, and they buy their government officials. They exist to convince you you need their product. And when sales slow, they target new markets. They market fear to women, then sell them “feminine little purse guns”. They market to children. The cartoon character Joe Camel is banned, but sure shootin’ Eddie Eagle is alive and well to shit again on Friday. (He teaches children “gun safety”, meaning, he teaches children to use guns.)

We’re Number One!!

The number of children under the age of 17 shot by guns in America every year is greater than the gun-related deaths of children in all the industrialized nations of the world COMBINED.

Here is the population of Japan: 127,463,611.

Here is the number of children killed by guns in Japan every year: 0.

A 2001 Centers for Disease Control (CDC) study found that in homicides among intimate partners, women are murdered more with guns than with all other means COMBINED.

In 2004, guns were most commonly used by males to murder their female partners.

A 2003 study found women living with a gun in the home were almost three times more likely to be murdered than women with no gun in the home.

“If we ban handguns only criminals will have guns.” Well then let’s not have any laws in America at all. No drug laws, no traffic laws, no laws at all, right? Duh.

“Cars kill people!!” Yes, cars kill people when something goes wrong. And car manufacturers immediately fix any problems and take responsibility. Guns are MADE to kill people. Handguns have one purpose, to kill people.

Stage Rule: If There is a Gun on the Wall in Act I, It Will Go Off in Act II.

A President’s Unmitigated Gall

I watched President Custer speak at the Virginia Tech memorial yesterday. How dare he “express condolences”. How DARE he. Here is how his administration helped kill 33 people at Virginia Tech:

Passage of gun industry immunity bill. That’s right, you can sue every industry in America, except gun manufacturers and dealers. Your family gets murdered by a madman? Tough.

Refusal to aid in renewal of federal assault weapons ban, even though the law had already been eviscerated by the gun industry. Get it? INDUSTRY.

Fighting background checks. The Virginia shooter had been committed to a mental institution. In Virginia that means you can’t buy a gun. Oh yeah? Thank goodness the gun shop owner who sold it to him can’t be sued.

The president does not support the police when citizens can have assault weapons.

The president does not support the police when citizens can have armor piercing bullets.

The president helps the terrorists when anyone can have a shoulder rocket launcher that can take a plane out of the sky. And I’m taking my shoes off at the airport?

The president helps the terrorists when he supports a ban on release of federal crime tracing data necessary to identify patterns in illegal gun trafficking.

The president helps the terrorists when he requires the ATF to immediately destroy gun sales records previously allowed to be kept for 90 days under Brady Bill background check.

We Found the WMD. They Are Here.

Guns are for cowards. You can kill from a distance. You are detached, removed. You don’t get your hands dirty. You don’t feel the life draining out of another human being in an eye to eye struggle, face to face, with your hands squeezing or beating soft, human, flesh, one on one. We had just as many disturbed, sick citizens in America in the last century as we do in this. The difference now is access to weapons of mass destruction. Anyone can have a gun. Anyone. It did not used to be like this. It’s easy to kill now.

The Gang that Couldn’t Shoot Straight

“Two Secret Service officers were injured yesterday after a gun held by another Secret Service officer accidentally fired inside the White House gate. The officers received wounds to face and leg.”

“Vice President Cheney shoots hunting companion in the face.”

So really, what chance do thousands of children a year have?

3,300 Americans have died in Iraq and Afghanistan in the last four years. 120,000 Americans have been shot to death in America in the last four years. Where is the outrage? If we can elect a new congress based on its commitment to end the war overseas, we can elect a congress committed to end the war here at home. End both wars.

Here’s the Punchline

Today the supreme court overturned thirty years of supreme court precedent, and overturned the findings of six federal courts, to declare war on women, their health, their privacy, and their lives, by upholding a ban on dilation and curettage abortion that contains NO exception to preserve the health or SAVE THE LIFE of the woman. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, writing for the four dissenting justices, called the decision “alarming”.

Wait for it…

President Custer – “Today’s decision affirms that the Constitution does not stand in the way of the people’s representatives enacting laws reflecting the compassion and humanity of America. This affirms the progress my administration has made to defend the “sanctity of life”.

“Let ‘Em Eat Lead” may as well be the rallying cry of the Republican party. No longer the party of Lincoln, it’s now the Party of Marie Antoinette.

While it’s legal in Ohio to carry guns openly or concealed, the Cleveland police union urged Ohio’s Governor Kasich to suspend the law during the Republican convention. While Kasich couldn’t quite do that, the RNC banned guns inside the convention center and in a large zone around the building. Think about that for a minute. While the republicans, the political party responsible for enabling the laws that made possible the shooting of ninety two people, 12 fatally, in Cleveland the month of their convention there, they sat safe and free from gun violence inside Quicken Loans Arena.

Why? If the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, as they love telling us while fattening their bank accounts with NRA blood money, didn’t they want to assure their safety with as many guns as possible inside and outside the arena? Did you know that guns were also banned at the RNC in Tampa in 2012? One hundred and thirty thousand ordinary Americans have been shot in the U.S. since 2012. But the republican elite again sat smug and safe from gun violence inside Tampa’s Amalie Arena. The absolute height of republican hypocrisy is their “Let ’em eat cake” lawmaking. Only nobody ever died from cake. The republicans were safe from guns while in Cleveland. Meanwhile in Cleveland, a two year old girl in her mother’s arms was shot in the head, and an eleven year old girl was shot while watching tv in her living room. Too bad they too couldn’t have been safe inside Quicken Loans Arena.

Dear Bernie Supporters, Undecideds, Swing Voters, Everyone who doesn’t see the difference between the two parties; no party is perfect. Politics is compromise, and it’s painful and often not pretty. Some of you are angry the DNC erected a fence around the convention. With terrorism and gun nuts, of course they did. But they didn’t exclude themselves from living by the laws they passed for us to live by. The DNC has passed laws to benefit the environment, children, the aged, labor, women, minorities, and improve health care. Their convention wasn’t a fracking barbecue over coals with oil lamps. They didn’t dine on endangered species while being waited on by non- union eight year old immigrants without Pre-k or health care, while their leadership burned down a women’s clinic. They’re with us. And #imwithher.

Yes, the DNC put a fence around its convention for safety. But hey, guess what? The RNC took away your guns.

There IS a DIFFERENCE. Let’s vote the Democrats back into our government.

The senate did NOT pass the four hardly- even -not- so- much- but- still- something- better- than- nothing gun “control” bills today. Possible terrorists on the “No Fly” list can still buy guns. They’re not on the “No Airport” list though, so they can still ruin your vacation, if boarding in Group 4 hasn’t already done so. There will still be no background checks at gun shows. So use those three days waiting for an abortion to buy something that lets you murder an already born, no doubt about it actual person. No counseling necessary! Senate Majority Bleeder Mitch Unconscionable said the Democratic measures were “ineffective” and “Democrats were not sincere in their effort”. He could tell they weren’t sincere because they tried to pass a gun control bill. If they were sincere, they would have shot up the senate.

He then squeezed his buttocks and coughed up another hairball: “Republican senators are pursuing real solutions that can help keep Americans safer from the threat of terrorism.” I assume these include:

Background checks for falafel purchases.

No “Muhammad” or “Amir” on Coke cans.

Getting the greeting card industry to make “Happy Hajj!!” cards, then hiding behind display to see who buys them.

Passing a senate resolution to outlaw the word “AiAiAi”. (Includes no more I Love Lucy reruns.)

No radio play for any songs containing words that rhyme with “Ramadan”. (Includes Rama Lama Ding Dong.)

Staring really hard at anyone eating hummus (I see you!)

Banning the sale of rugs under five feet long.

Banning all people in the U.S. with beards from facing East.

Banning the sale of “Korans For Dummies”.

Congress has not passed new gun restrictions since 2007. Ten years, about three hundred thousand people in America dead from guns. If 300,000 people had died from apples since 2007, they would not keep making those Snow White movies. Senators in the pocket of the NRA have enough cash to physically weave it into thick bullet proof vests to keep themselves safe, while the rest of us play Fatal Weekend Roulette.

“If you see something, say something.” Fine. Something. Something‘s rotten in Denmark. Doing something is better than doing nothing. I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed. To give real service you must add something that cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity, and integrity. Do something!!!!!!!

Trudy the Bag Lady, from the mind of the great Lily Tomlin says, “When I was young I wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific”. We need to be more specific. Say something to your senators who voted against these bills. Say it with your vote in November. Say good-bye.

“Congress won’t outlaw automatic weapons because they say it might infringe on some hunting weapons. If you need a hundred rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn’t your sport.”-Elayne Boosler.

I wrote this joke in 1978. 1978! Are we there yet? Support all your senators standing up in today’s “No Fly No Buy” filibuster. Not one American voted Wayne LaPierre into congress. The fact that he makes our public policy is nothing less than a government takeover, ironically done with money, not weapons. The fifty-one senators who voted against the 2015 “No Fly No Buy” law collectively received thirty seven million dollars in blood money from the NRA. They should be arrested as traitors, clearly helping America’s enemies. (You are on the “No Fly” list, but you can buy an assault weapon?) The NRA makes possible the murder by guns of over thirty thousand Americans a year. If ISIS was able to kill that many Americans, on our own soil, every year, we’d know they had won the war on terror. The NRA made/makes possible the murder of hundreds of thousands more Americans than any radical religious group from anywhere. The NRA is a terrorist organization, going against the will of even their own members who agree with reasonable and logical gun laws. Wayne LaPierre has made possible the murder of more Americans than Osama Bin Laden, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Ramzi Yousef, and every terrorist we are spending billions of tax dollars fighting while our shameless representatives take millions from the terrorists on our own soil.

Vote the bums out. Stand up for the senators who are standing up for America today. Let’s start buying teddy bears for children again, and flowers for lovers again, instead of buying them for shooting site memorials. Send Wayne LaPierre to Guantanamo, and force the representatives and senators whose graft greed made the loss of American life so prevalent, to donate all their ill gotten gains to the thousands of the loved ones left behind. Let’s bow our heads and take a moment of silence to remember the names of the senators and congresspeople who sold us out and made wholesale American murder the norm in our cities, schools, movie theaters, nightclubs, and homes. Amen.