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Saturday, August 24, 2002

Not So Brave, Not So New World

I am often challenged with the question, “If you’re so smart why aren’t you rich and famous?” I have answered this question often here in the pages of Leftbanker: I am unpopular because I bring forth ideas, and ideas challenge people to rethink their own notions. People do not like to think, they prefer to be reassured.

Few enough people read this page and most of them seem to have arrived here completely by accident while doing a Google search for “Franky Muniz burp” or the ever popular search request “Indain porn [sic].”

Some of the ideas that I have set forth here are so revolutionary that they threatened to knock our society on its side; like this idea I proposed some time ago but didn’t post because our national psyche was too delicate at that time (no, it wasn’t 911, it was back when MASH * was going off the air). Perhaps I can unveil this idea now without rupturing the thin fabric of American popular consciousness.

Here goes. You know how girls like to show off their butt cracks these days by wearing low-riding jeans that expose their thongs or g-string underwear for all the world to see. And do you know how girls like to get the area above their butt cracks done up with tattoos. My idea is that girls should get a tattoo on their butts of a g-string killing two fashion birds with one stone and thus saving themselves a fortune on expensive Victoria Secret underwear. For men, homo-erotic rap artists and skateboarders could tattoo boxer shorts on their behinds thus freeing them from the shackles of Calvin Klein and Gap underwear.

Whether or not this nation has sufficiently recovered from its post-M*A*S*H (P-M) hysteria to cope with such a radical concept I suppose is a question best put to the political pundits--the lice of popular journalism. The real problem with this idea, as well as many other concepts I have introduced, is the opposition it is likely to receive from big business. The vast Underwear Industrial Complex in this country controls much of the media and has bought and paid for most of our politicians. They are sure to snuff out this idea before it catches fire with the American public.

* while channel surfing in my hotel room last week I realized that there exists an entire newtwork (at least it seems that way) dedicated entirely to showing reruns of this tired old TV comedy.