Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Good Girls (Don't) Wear Underpants

My daughter is a nudist. She is an unrepentant clothes-doffing, underwear-eschewing, bum-baring, breeze-loving, parts-showing nudist. It's sort of awesome, but also a little disconcerting.

She doesn't try to leave the house naked, although she has, in the heat of summer, had more than one naked spree in the yard. She just prefers, while indoors, to conduct her day without clothing. Which, you know, I sort of understand. Sort of. If I was a compact little person and did not fear knocking over coffee mugs with my pendulous boobs, I might enjoy doffing my clothing while going about my day. But I'm not a compact little person, and I might knock over coffee mugs with my pendulous boobs and, also, frighten any passers-by who might look in the windows. So it's just not for me. But for Emilia? It's simply the best condition in which to pass one's time.

So it is that she watches television naked, plays the piano naked, paints pictures naked, reads stories naked, does yoga naked (seriously), dances naked, eats cookies naked, and discourses on the superiority of Diego to Dora and Grover to Elmo and DJ Lance to Barney naked. Which, as I said, is sort of awesome, in a Platonic perfection of the forms kind of way (anyone who has ever doubted the classical argument that there is such a thing as the perfect form of any actual or abstract thing need, I think, only consider the tiny perfect physical form of a very young human being to be convinced that there is some force to that argument.) But it's also a little disconcerting. We are - I am - accustomed to moving through life clothed, for the most part. To all of sudden be accompanied, always (in the home, at least), by a tiny little naked being is a disruption of my usual way of doing things. It is to be thrust, suddenly, into a landscape that bears no small resemblance to an all-toddler performance of A Midsummer's Night Dream, full of naked sprites wearing funny hats and masks and giggling maniacally.

It's a little strange.

I love that my daughter so exults in her physical being, that she is so unreservedly comfortable with her physical self. And yet I catch myself, sometimes, pestering her about sweaters and socks and underpants. Aren't you cold? I ask. Would you like to put on socks? And, where are your underpants?Let's put on underpants, shall we? You love your underpants!

And she rolls her eyes at me and says, no.

No, they're lost.

No, they blew off.

No, because my pachina can't breathe.

No, because my pachina gets scared in the dark.

No, because Swiper stole them.

All of which are entirely reasonable explanations for the absence of underpants, I suppose, but still: that she finds it necessary to justify her nudity to me - and that she demonstrates no end of creativity in coming up with such justifications - makes me feel, I don't know, a little guilty? When I pester her about putting something on - sweater, socks, underpants - I worry that I am nudging the boundaries of shaming. That she feels compelled to defend her choice to be naked, that she constructs ever more elaborate explanations for shunning underwear (my pachina gets scared in the dark!) - is that evidence that she struggles under the gaze of an over-anxious, prudish mother? Am I sending the wrong message (naked is wrong, naked is bad, naked is not how we live, good girls don't get naked, good girls wear underpants), even though I don't intend to send that message, even though I don't want to send that message?I don't worry about her becoming a lifelong nudist. I worry about her getting cold. I also worry about her peeing on the couch, which hasn't happened yet, but still: one particularly engrossing episode of Global Grover and all the Scotchguard in the world won't save our off-white sofa. I don't worry about her being too fond of nudity. I don't know that it's possible to be over-fond of one's own nudity. Her pleasure in her own nakedness is, I think, lovely. I love she loves her own skin, that she is most comfortable in the raw, that she curls up like a hairless cat on the sofa and tucks her feet under her bum and snuggles against her blankie and then waves one tiny hand imperiously to demand a cookie and some milk, both of which taste undeniably better when the crumbs and dribbles can roll down one's bare chest and get caught in one's navel. I love that she loves her little self, that she exults in her physicality, that she takes joy in feeling the heat from the fireplace warm her naked bottom, or the scratch of the wool rug against her bare belly, or the soft curve of the sofa pillows against the skin of her back. I love that she is so unabashedly, physically she. So I resolve to not worry about shame or unshame and to just let her be.

But if she pees on my couch, those underpants are going on with duct tape.

76 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes, this is what we refer to as the "Nakey Years" in our family. Both my kids went through it and the youngest is in the tail end. It's almost bittersweet when it ends because it may very well be the last time in their life where they love their bodies unconditionally.

It sounds like your home is a lot warmer than ours is, or your daughter has much thicker blood than my own. We put on a hat and mittens as soon as we get out of bed. Heaven help you if you can't find a hat and mittens. A naked girl sounds like a lot less maintenance.

No, because my pachina gets scared in the dark... might be the best reason I've ever heard to not wear clothes.

I have one of these, a mini-nudist in the making. Sadly, as she's gotten older, she's conforming to the thought of clothes. It was always going to happen. A few words from friends, seeing how others are...but I'll be honest, I kinda miss it. When it's fully over, when she goes to closing the door to change like my seven year old does, when modesty fully takes over, I will be sad.

ps. I'm with you on the couch peeing. That would have been the end of it, had it ever happened.

We have a rule that everyone must wear underwear in our house. Maybe I'm causing shame, I don't know, but we've had the rule since my kidlet was 2 and she's cool with it. It's a reasonable level of propriety to me, especially when we have guests. Plus, my kid is learning to wipe her own butt right now, and without the underwear, well...I shudder to imagine.

Gotta love kids and their beloved nekkid time. Thankfully, ours has morphed over the years (with twin nudists and their frightened-of-the-dark paginas!) to the window of time just prior to and following a bath. It used to more closely resemble the circus you've so aptly described, however.

My babies were nudists too. It would seem to be universal. We lived out in the boonies so they could run around naked, inside and out. Oh, I miss that. I made them wear clothes when we went to town, of course, but I had one friend whom we visited whom the children felt so comfortable with (and she with them) that the second we got to her house, they would strip again. She would set up an ice chest in her living room on towels and they "swam" in it while we talked.Naked.They will never forget that. Nor will I.

I can't really tell you why, but I love this post. And my child strips at the drop of a hat, too. The one time it kind of made me cringe was the night she insisted on sleeping nekkid. Somehow, that seemed more wrong than being naked while running around the house or backyard.

Dang, I wish I was that comfortable with my own self that going around naked was no big thing. Oh, to be young and cute again...

Ahem. The only reason one might insist on underwear, if it were an issue, is for the idea of privacy. It's easier to teach about protecting one's private parts from being bothered if they are truly private. I had to explain to my son, when there was a classmate of his who liked to show his penis to the girls at school, that privacy goes both ways. You have the right to keep your private parts private, but you also can't violate someone's else's right to not have to see your private parts. That being said, if you're not bothered, don't worry 'bout it at home.

My boys, especially the younger one, love being naked. We live in the country, surrounded by cow pastures. They are naked outside in warm weather as well as inside all year round. They swim naked, they eat naked, they play Wii naked. The house is freezing in my opinion. I don't see how they stand it.

When we visit my parents they have to wear clothing all the time because naked just does not work with my parents. Shame shame shame on you naked people. So I tell the boys it is the custom of their grandparents to only be naked in the bathtub and we must conform to custom when we are visitors. The boys think it is funny to humor their grandparents.

I loved being nekid as a kid - although my mother was always mortified. I seem to remember a story of me taking off in a grocery store and her finding items of my clothes in the aisle until she came across a giggling naked me 1 aisle over!

It went away just as quickly as it started (although it came back in my mid-20's but that a whole other story)

I wouldn't worry about trying to dress her up until the pee thing happens. As females we tend to dislike our bodies so much let her revel in the joy of it!

My kids both went through this stage, and Miss 6 is still going through it! I love that they feel free and comfortable with their bodies (I do insist they put a towel down if they are sitting on the couch though!) My daughter constantly peels clothes off, but she understands it's okay at home - not at school! And at night, she likes to nude because: 'my Bagina needs to breathe!"You know what? I think it's fine. They have plenty of time to feel self-conscious and cover up in the future!

The little boy in my house runs around like his butt is on fire the second the diaper comes off. I think he's part pup though...he has a penchant for marking territory. :) Gotta love the steam cleaner! ;)

Here we have: naked baby time! After supper, all the clothes come off, and she does some naked sprints through the house. My very favorite part is after the bath, when she races me back to her room: steamy, pink, squealing naked toddler, racing down a 20 foot hallway. Perfect.

You know, I was the nudist in teh family before she came along. I slept naked, walked around the house naked in teh morning, was utterly shameless. And now, in the face of her perfect baby naked self, I feel a little awkard for my lumps, my bumps, my hair, my dimply skin. Hm.

I too was a childhood nudist (actually I'm still nude like 70% of my time at home). My mum loves telling stories about how she would struggle for hours to get me in clothes when guests were coming, only for me to go upstairs immediately once she was occupied with said guests, take off all my clothes and come downstairs nude to declare I wanted to be a "naked dancer". Haha, Emilia is awesome.

Dawson has yet to spring nakedness upon me, in fact he's to the point where he's requesting privacy. He no longer wants me to help him get dressed, he doesn't want me to see him in his underpants. Which I totally understand, I don't want to be seen in my undies either. He's only four years old. Is that when this whole thing begins? I don't know...

Pie peed on my couch. On my 38th birthday. After two months of being basically fully toilet trained. And really? Pee on the couch isn't that big a deal. It wipes up fast and it doesn't leave a smell. Unlike the barf that was all over my couch last week. (My new couch. Did I make that part clear?)

My little girl loved the pics of the little naked girl painting! She is totally jealous. She likes to be naked, too. I just worry about her being cold. I KNOW she's cold--I can touch her--but okay. Usually she leaves clothes on and just doesn't want sweater or socks.

my mother always said she never told me to cover up because she didn't want me to feel ashamed of my body. You seem like you've got your head on straight, so I'm sure Emilia will be fine. I still chill naked. Naked=awesome!

Glad to see others go through this, when my now 8 year old was between the ages of 2 up until this past summer I swear our childrens services was going to end up at my door. He would strip as he ran out to play in the yard, you could follow the trail of clothes. He would play naked in the yard with all my neighbors driving by. He still likes to only play in his underwear. At least we are that far now!!!!

Izzy at 5 3/4 (as he so proudly beams)walks in the door from Kindergarten and promptly takes off his clothes. Unless someone comes over (to his parents coaxing), he stays butt-ass naked until he has to get dressed for school the next day (at noon).

Izzy has planned our next vacation to a nude beach and tells everyone he knows about it.

His parents are reluctant....his siblings refuse. What to do? He's comfortable with his body and doesn't care what people think....so we celebrate!

My DD was a nekie baby too! It kind of morphed into only being nekie just before bath, into DD, now 12, locking the door when she has to change. My DS is only 2, and he is just discovering the wonder and freedom of being nekie, and it is glorious. It will pass all to soon, so I'll enjoy it while I can, instead of worrying about it like I did with DD.

Not a lot of nakedness at my house full of girls. Now I'm like, I missed something, what did I miss?! I've never discouraged nakedness....what am I doing wrong here?! WHY DON'T MY GIRLS FEEL FREE TO BE NAKED?!!

Whatever. I'll make them take off their clothes after school tomorrow and see if they like it. I'll let you know how it works out.

Haha this reminds me of my childhood neighbour who had a really young daughter who once ran outside in the nude. Completely nude. And there were a handful of kids out in the street that were probably not the best kids to be nude in front of.

I had no idea what to do - I mean, I couldn't grab her because, well, she was NUDE, so I ended up getting the hose and chasing her back to her house. Was definitely an interesting experience!

Aah....I don't have kids and I am 47. Life without pants is very good and life without underpants is even better sometimes. My boyfriend is 63 and there is an occasional odd Saturday or two where he hasn't bothered to get dressed for the whole day. No, we are not nudists. As long as your daughter is comfortable, let her go naked. It is a nice way to be. I wish more women could be so comfortable with their grown-up bodies.

Loved the blog and the comments! Our 3 children were all raised in a "clothing optional" home environment. They are all grown now, college grads, professionals in their careers and parents of our 7 grandkids. (one of ours ended up a chaplin in the military and still enjoys his nude recreation ... he says there is no shame in a human body, after all it is as God created it)

Children raised in an atmosphere where they are taught their bodies are shameful and something they have to hide all the time, are the ones that mostly have body issues in their teen and adult years.

Good for you! ... and good for the other’s comments ... you will find your children will be well adjusted as they grow. And if you go one step further and drop your clothes, take them to nude beaches or resorts, they will not have to find out what other peoples bodies look like behind the shed, or in the back seat of a car. They won't have to "play doctor" or "show me yours and I'll show you mine" because they'll already know what other bodies look like. Finally, they will understand that there are a hundred different body types and none are ugly.

being naked is fun! mine have all gone through the nudity thing too.my 8 year old loves to run around in just her panties and 4 year old when its hot takes it all off.my husband and i still occasionally wander around in the buff if the teenagers aren't home.oh who am i kidding clothing is optional at all times around here....as for emilia if she is comfortable then i wouldn't worry about her HBM.

Personally, I don't like or understand underwear. I mean, wtf - something to ride up the crack of my ass and just create more laundry. Forget it. I own some for special days during the month, otherwise I'm all commando all the time.

Alex has never liked clothes too much. Or, I should say he's always preferred naked. I have pix of him running around, hand on penis, wearing nothing but Mardi Gras beads and a GIANT smile.

The cold thing? well yeah. But he'll cuddle under a blanket and watch tv when I get too concerned that he's going to turn into an ice cube.

Nudie Grammy: I'm not quite ready to get my naked on all the time (these puppies need support), but yeah, we do embrace (or try to embrace) the principle of 'bodies are beautiful.' The trick is balancing that with 'privacy is nice, too' - which my husband has been keen on every since the girl complimented him on his nice penis (spotted in bathroom).

The summer my youngest turned 3 she had (mostly) outgrown her nudist ways. However, she was at the point where she would dress herself in the morning, and would consistently forget underpants. This wouldn't be a problem if she didn't love skirts as much as she did. I ended up having to travel with a spare pair of panties in my purse for those times when I forgot to do an underwear check and didn't discover her naked butt until we were out somewhere in public.

If she pees on the couch, underwear will stop NOTHING, anyway. In fact it will probably if anything cause the stain to spread to a larger area.

I'm amazed no one on this thread has yet pulled a pedantic on you and pointed out that pachinas are ALWAYS in the dark, and she must mean her pulva. Or would that be pulpa? I don't speak Three as well as I used to.

My 3 year old has been going through this for so long now. I don't really have an issue with it (less laundry to do!), but "people" seem to find a problem with it. I let her do it unless we have people coming over to the house. She knows she has to don panties if we are having company. But as soon as they leave, she's stark naked again.

Your daughter at least has creative reasons. I ask mine why she likes to be naked and she says "because I do".

My girls have not discovered the love of the nude, although we do have all pajama mornings, sockless nights, and the occasional pantless mealtimes.

I doubt I need to say this (haven't read the comments) but I don't think shame is part of her world view, or your world view of her nudity. I think she knows that you're worried about her being cold or peeing on the couch.

My sister was a total nudist, and Pumpkinpie sometimes like to doff her clothes, but much as I wonder if it's a problem, we have an underwear rule because, simply put, she doesn't always wipe as well as one would like before her bum is put on the surniture. Which, you know, yuck.

Oh my gosh - I usually don't comment, but I had to say how adorable and sweet I thought this post was. She is such a little sprite! My daughter likes to be naked too and I have to say there is nothing cuter than toddler bum!

Lulu is three and strips all the time, too. And shakes her bum around and asks us to look at her pretty bum. It's only because she's three and not 23 that we don't ground her. Because that's not socially appropriate, you know.

Cordy has never given thought to clothing. We picked out her clothes, put them on her, and there they stayed until we removed them. She still doesn't care what she wears, and only recently has she started to remove her own clothing when prompted.

Mira, on the other hand, is at 21 months a complete nudist. She spends her days half-naked or more. I would happily let her run naked, but she's not even 2 and certainly not potty trained. I'm already tired of washing crib sheets each morning when I come in to find her diaper off and a wet crib.

Once she's potty trained - she can run naked as much as she wants, lol.

For my husband, he is ok with nudity but extremely squeamish about body fluids so he wants bums of young children covered when he's home. And although I'd like to think that I'm all about celebrating the human body, I made a no naked nursing/eating policy when my first born son was a young toddler and one sensual pleasure was always accompanied by another and the hands switching back & forth--eww! Guess I'm squeamish too.

My eldest is 4.5 and still enjoys being naked at home, although it is with less and less frequency as he gets older. Between about 1.5 to 3.5, you couldn't keep clothes on this kid for anything. Visitors got used to seeing a naked toddler scampering about. Soon, though, it became more creepy than cute, and we started instilling a "underwear for company" rule. He is starting to become more naturally conscious of his body now, which saddens me a little. But I have another little nudist who at six months old is already following in his brother's footsteps!

I have an almost 8 year old that spend as much time as possible in his tighty-whiteys. He'd probably go buff but for the fear that the dogs would "bite his ding-dong off". The almost 3 year old spent all of last summer nekkid in the yard, riding his car, swimming in his pool, visiting the neighbor kids (same age group). Curious to see how that goes this year, he's become a fan of changing clothes 20 times a day now.