New Pope So Much Chiller Than Old, Recession-Unfriendly Pope

On day one of his papacy, Francis I has signed an executive order abolishing Obamacare settled in, prayed, maybe had a bite to eat, relaxed, etc. etc. The New York Timesreports:

Without fanfare, he went on to the Domus Internationalis Paulus VI, the priests’ residence where he was staying before the conclave that anointed him as pope, picked up his baggage and insisted on paying his bill to set an example of priestly behavior in what some Vatican observers took as a token of a new humility and frugality, offsetting the more familiar opulence of the Vatican.

Benedict XVI, you’ll recall, traveled via helicopter from the Vatican to his summer home, which, in the classic tradition of summer homes, is actually larger than his primary residence. (See also: the Hudson Valley/Hamptons/Connecticut real estate holdings of all Manhattanites.) Meanwhile, Francis I will probably just hang around Rome this summer, crashing with friends finishing up their semesters abroad, chipping in for groceries during his couch stays, and offering to cook everyone for dinner on the last night to thank them for their hospitality.

As for the rest of his day, Francis I is expected to preside over his first mass, although he’ll doubtlessly figure out some cool, un-pretentious way to do it. Like, he’ll starting off by talking into a microphone and then make a joke, like, “I feel as if I’m leading a confidence workshop at an airport Best Western!” and everyone will laugh and he’ll ask, “Do you guys mind if I ignore this thing for a little while? Can everyone hear me?” And everyone will clap and cheer because they can hear him, and the Pope will toss the microphone to the side, and it will emit some slight sonic feedback and then Francis I will look at it and make a face like this [makes face] and everyone will laugh again. Amen.