Saturday, 6 March 2010

You Are Beautiful

Apologies: I used to put prices as a service for those who wanted to know, but I no longer do it. ^__^

"Don't look at me
Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom

Tryin' hard to fill the emptiness, the pieces gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?
'Cause you are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today
No matter what we do
No matter what we do
(No matter what we say)
No matter what we say
(We're the song that's outta tune)
(Full of beautiful mistakes)
(And everywhere we go)
And everywhere we go
(The sun will always shine)
The sun will always, always shine!
(But tomorrow we might awake on the other side)
'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today"Songwriters: Perry, Linda;
Singer: Christina Aguilera
Depression is a dirty little secret that I have. No, it's not that kind of moody thing you get every once in a while. It's the clinical sort. And I honestly didn't want anyone to know about it, especially not readers of this blog, or people I have yet to meet, because in many ways, no one likes to be around people who "drag things/them down" with "problems or issues". Because of this, I also don't like to meet new people, as I tend to feel that they are able to sense I'm not a very fun person to be with.

However, with the way things are going recently with this blog, I feel I should be honest. I don't want to mislead anyone or even any publicists or advertisers who hope to work with me through the blog. I don't want to send any misleading messages to my readers either.
So here it goes: My life isn't perfect, I struggle with alot of difficulties and circumstances aren't always ideal even if it looks so. I know I'm not alone in this. Many people have problems to deal with in their lives. And I do have alot of blessings in my life, but I guess I might just have been short-changed with the set of genes I was born with or the way I was brought up: I have a very low threshold for stress and surprises that life inevitably brings, and this somehow translates into alot of physical pain (like migraine and tension headaches), anxiety attacks and finally, the "shameful illness": depression.
Medication doesn't always help, but it alleviates things. Recently I've quit the medication on the advice of my GP and trying to improve things by going the herbal way.

Don't get me wrong, I'm trying to live positively. I tried to make this a posititive blog. I also wake up everyday, focussing on doing some nice things like putting on some makeup and dressing nicely to meet the world. But truthfully, this is no simple matter of just saying, "I can do it!" or "Pull your socks up!" or "Snap out of it!"
I am writing this, to ask that you be forgiving of me. More often than not, I get into these "moods" and I don't want to "bring things down" for others or overly stress myself.

As things seem to be moving in a more public direction with this blog, I am not sure if I am able to meet the challenge. Hence, I've been struggling with this decision about the future of this blog. I honestly started this blog as a way to distract me from things, and never expected it to take the direction it did, by the end of 2009, it never was my intention to have it go that way.
If this post scares you off, I'm really sorry, especially since, I haven't been updating as much as I should. Even though I have the intentions to do it, this issue has been bothering me alot, and I just wanted to be honest to say:
Life can be hard, but sometimes it's the little things that keep us going: good and understanding friends (thank God I do have some, and though I really don't like burdening them with talking about my problems, they are ready to accept me as I am) and small happiness (like being able to put on some pretty colours in the morning to perk yourself up).
Finally, have a good life! Take care and remember, "You are beautiful" always. No matter what.
Namaste.

9 comments:

I admire your honesty and consider your post to be incredibly valuable for many people who feel similar, but are afraid to speak out, because feeling unhappy is not really tolerated in society. I consider modern life to be incredibly difficult and it often makes me feel unhappy, so I recognize your feeling.

I can definitely relate on some level to what you've written. Thanks for posting your thoughts and being honest. I think it takes alot of courage to open up and I'm trying to find that courage within me. It really is as if I'm relearning how to be a person again. I love your blog! It's really great. Thanks for stopping by mine. I love kittens too and completely agree about how they are more practical. lol and oh so cute!

I had gone though a bout of depression once after my Father passed away. Imagined my shock & disbelieve, self-denial, pain etc. However, thanks to God's grace, I had managed to pulled thru. I am not trying to preach here. However, being a Catholic & going to church helps a lot. Praying to God & Mother Mary helps heal my bitterness & negative feelings. I must say now that I suffer less mood swings & whenever I feel down, I just pray.

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