Category Archives: disappointment

I have moments where I worry just like you. I let my thoughts run wild. I don’t discipline them and before I know it, I am awake in the middle of the night doing the exact opposite of what I tell other people to do. Anxiety fills me. Fear grips me. Stress takes over my physical and mental being. It’s an awful feeling. I long for morning, because I need a new day. A new grip on life. I need Kris to wake up and reassure me what I need reassure myself.

Last night was that kind of night for me. I tossed and turned. I let fear grip me. Hold me. Wrap its ugly hands around me. Grab hold of me like it owned me.

I finally slept the last hour. My alarm went off. I peeled open my eyes. And, I reminded myself of this scripture:

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

DEMOLISH those thoughts that don’t come from Him. Take them captive. Interrogate them. Hold them captive so they can’t hold you. Remind your soul of who God is. Recall every time God proved Himself faithful to you.

Recall every stone that has piled up in your life as a memorial to the goodness, the faithfulness, and the mercy of God.

Remember every situation that looked impossible and how God grabbed you and said, “I am for you.”

Hold onto thoughts of His goodness. Hold onto His love that stretches wider and deeper and longer than anything we can imagine.

Hold onto THOSE thoughts.

Hold them tightly.

Demolish those other thoughts. Take them captive. Strip them of their power. Because, the One inside you is greater. He is truth. He is good. And, in Him, we have no fear.

This Sunday at Eagles Way, I will be opening up our new series, Silent Night, with this very message. I will preach it with as much passion as I possibly can. Because, I know what it feels like to be gripped by something that takes the wind out from under you. But, I also know what it feels like to send those thoughts back to hell. And, to rise up with a renewed confidence, a renewed mind, and renewed passion for TRUTH.

His mercies are new every morning. And, because, of those mercies, this is mind is new….and finally, it caught up with what my Spirit already knew.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13

It’s easy to remember the forgive part. Okay, it’s easier. It’s the first part we tend to overlook: Make allowance for each other’s faults.Most of us have a difficult time making allowances for each other’s faults. In other words, we don’t allow people to fail us. We forget to make those allowances. The truth is every person we are in relationship with will fail us. My spouse will fail me. My children will fail me. My friends will fail me. And, I will fail them. The key is to not allow those moments to define that relationship. Instead, we must view it as a moment in time. A moment where we allowed that person to fail us. A moment where we forgave them as soon as they did. A moment. That’s all.

Even though none of us think of ourselves as perfect, we still have a tough time allowing others to be flawed. As a parent, I have to constantly remind myself to allow my children fail. I have to guard against over-parenting. There are times I try to prevent them from failing instead of letting them make mistakes. Allowing them to fail. I want to protect them from failure. But, if I could protect them from every single failure, they would never see their need for a Savior.

I’m going to fail you. You’re going to fail me. When we do, we have a gap. On one side of that gap is my expectation of you. On the other side of that gap is what actually happens. We choose what goes in the gap when someone fails us. We can fill that gap with bitterness, anger, or hurt. Or, we can fill that gap with forgiveness, grace, and allowances for that person’s faults.

We choose what goes in the gap.

Paul follows up Colossians 3:13 with this:

14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Get up every morning and wrap yourself in love. Choose peace over being right. And, be thankful for those people in your life…..

It’s really me. I know, right? My dad has encouraged me to start posting some of my articles from The Grip to my blog. So, here goes this one I wrote on the Marvel hero who scared me when I was kid:

I think I’ve said it before. But, I am certain I learn as much from children as they learn from me. We took our two oldest kids to see The Avengers. (Loved the movie, by the way. I, mean, what’s not to love about men who save the world by flying in iron suits and smashing stuff?) My 9 year old is a huge fan of Marvel superheroes. It’s probably a rite of passage into his manhood. So, I asked him questions throughout the entire movie.

Is Loki good or bad? Is Thor really his brother?

When I saw the Hulk first get angry and start smashing everyone, even the good guys, I asked him, “Is the Hulk bad?”

He replied, “He isn’t bad, Mom. He’s just mad.”

His reply pierced my very core. And, I haven’t stop thinking about it since.

It’s so easy to view other people’s behavior as bad sometimes. When they say hurtful things. When their actions hurt those around them. When they go off on people. When they seem to be so insensitive to others. When they appear to be, well, let’s just say it….

Mean.

Most of the time, these people who hurt us aren’t mean. They aren’t bad people. They’re just mad.

There is a deeper rooted issue than what is manifesting on the outside. The deeper root could be a seed of rejection, envy, or disappointment. It could be shame or guilt or never feeling good enough. Whatever the root, it can manifest itself in ways that hurts others. In the past, I had a difficult time understanding why some people didn’t seem to move beyond playing the role of victim or villain. Now, I have stopped trying to understand. That lack of understanding was turning into judgments I didn’t need to make. My mother has always told me that I can view people as hurting, or I can view them as dangerous. Once, I began viewing them as hurting, I found it easier to release forgiveness.

Remember, forgiveness is not just about the other person. It’s about you giving yourself the permission to emotionally move on from being hurt. It can be also be about setting healthy boundaries in your relationship with that person where you separate yourself emotionally. And, that is okay. Christ didn’t reject anyone. He made everyone feel special. But, He didn’t let everyone cling onto Him.

Boundaries are okay. Unforgiveness is not. May we all have a renewed understanding that most people aren’t bad people. They’re just mad. Release the hurts. Pray they learn they aren’t the deep rooted issues they’ve made themselves to be. They aren’t who people say they are. They are who God says they are.

Because, it’s knowing and believing who God says you are that changes everything.

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. Ephesians 1:4

I appreciated the encouraging responses and emails about yesterday’s post. And, I still stand behind the power of our thoughts and words. But, when I finally crawled into bed last night and let the quiet and stillness take over, I began hearing the question, “What about me?” ring in my head.

What about my friend whose husband left her and their daughter?

What about the son grieving the loss of his mother?

What about the hurtful things being said about her?

What about the judgments being made against him?

What about the children who go to bed hungry every night?

So, I wanted to clarify.

If you have faced, or are facing a difficult situation, it does not necessarily mean you attracted it by your own thoughts or words. We do live in a world where bad things certainly happen. And, by no means, do we attract these things. And, our hearts should definitely be open and ready to comfort the brokenhearted.

The negative thoughts and words I was referring to are those that cause us to have a defeated mentality about life….

Words that judge the actions of others….

Words that are the antithesis of God’s promises of life and future for you.

Thoughts that bind you in fear.

Thoughts that hold you captive.

Thoughts that prevent you from believing that you are who God says you are and not who people say you are.

Maybe this is what you took away from it. Or, maybe, you asked, “But what about my circumstances?” Since, I will be held accountable for every word I type, I wanted to have a softer approach to words and thoughts. Especially, as it relates to people going through difficult situations that they didn’t ask for. So, if you were one who felt slighted or hurt by yesterday’s post, then I ask for your forgiveness. Because, I have endured difficult circumstances. And, I want you to feel loved through yours.

Now, that I got that off of my chest, let’s all go have an awesome Wednesday.

Yesterday afternoon, I found myself in my kitchen singing the words to “You Are Good.” These lyrics rang through my head until nighttime:

Your kindness leads me to repentance
Your goodness draws me to Your side
Your mercy calls me to be like You
Your favor is my delight
Every day, I’ll awaken my praise
And pour out a song from my heart.

Romans 2:4 says, “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”

It’s His kindness that leads us to repentance. It’s His goodness that draws us.

My translation: Stop judging and be so dang intolerant of other people. God uses kindness, sweet words, and forgiveness to transform our own lives into something beautiful.

When people disappoint us….

When people don’t live up to our expectations….

Fill in the gap of your expectation of someone and what that someone actually does with kindness and forgiveness.

Even with your spouse.

Give him or her the benefit of the doubt. When has expressing your disappointment with your spouse EVER worked? There is a definite time and place for healthy communication. Healthy. There is also a time to keep your mouth shut.

I remember being aggravated with Kris once for not taking care of something before he left for a trip. I was so stinking mad. I picked up the phone to call him and tell him exactly how I felt about his oversight.

Fortunately for Kris, Big Mama was at my house.

“Talk, talk, talk. That’s the trouble with young people. They think they need to talk everything out. Sometimes, you just need to keep your mouth shut. Put the phone down, and just forgive him.”

I’m pretty sure filling in the gap with forgiveness and a closed mouth did more for my marriage than that phone call would’ve done.

Trying to bring conviction to someone’s life never goes the way we think it will. But kindness will always bring about effectual change. And often times, our kindness towards others changes US.

It’s how God functions. And, since we are of God….created in His image….isn’t it how we should function?

I am so thankful for His patience. For His love. For His mercy.

And, so thankful that His mercy calls us to be like Him. Because, His ways are truly better.

In many ways it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. In so many other ways, it really does. Ten years ago at this time, I was two months pregnant with John Henry. And, his dad left.

I guess I never imagined I would be in that place. I certainly never saw myself divorced. I never thought I’d be a single mother. It was the single most heart-breaking, devastating time in my life. Words were said that pierced me. Actions taken that floored me. And, I couldn’t imagine that my life would ever be restored back to where it was.

I spent the next few months busying myself with work, getting ready for a baby, and involving myself in the community. I traveled to Chicago to an Arts Conference hosted by Willow Creek Church. I headed up the campaign for my uncle who was running for County Commissioner. He won, by the way. And, I joined with city leaders in putting together a Memorial Service for the one year anniversary of 9/11. And, in my down time, I cried.

But, I also prayed.

I prayed scriptures over Bryan’s life every single night of my pregnancy. I prayed blessings over him. In the middle of my pain, I cried out to the Redeemer. And, I released forgiveness little by little until I no longer carried any anger or resentment.

I was still heartbroken. There were times I would feel sorry for myself. I’d cry the ugly cry. My countenance would be less than inviting. I remember during one of my pity parties, my dad told me, “You never know how you’re going to feel tomorrow.” Of course, I knew how I was going to feel. Exactly like I was feeling at that moment.

Until one day, you wake up, and the weight of it all seems a little less. The hurt isn’t quite as painful. And, before you know it, you are smiling. And, you are staring into the eyes of a little blue-eyed baby boy who has changed everything.

September 24, 2002, I held John Henry. I looked at my parents and said, “My world is right.” It was. The hurt was still there. But it became less. A few months later, Kris Takle flew into my life. Literally. Six months later? We were married. Six months after that? We were pregnant with Anna Takle.

And, now ten years later? My life is full.

It is redeemed.

I never believe that divorce is God’s best for one’s life. But, I do believe He is a God of redemption and will make good out of messes. I will never write about the nit and the grit of the words said or the actions during it all. I really see no need, honestly. It’s not where I live. I don’t ever want it printed and posted to hurt John Henry or Bryan.

As for Bryan, he has allowed God to work in his life. He is a great father to John Henry. He is a great friend to Kris. And, Kris is a great friend to him. We celebrate holidays together. We have vacationed together. We aren’t “normal.” We really didn’t think “normal” was working. So, we just do things differently.

I would defend Bryan’s name until my last breath on earth. Because, he is a good man. And, I am forever grateful to him for John Henry Landreth. I have learned more about compassion and forgiveness because of that little boy than I ever imagined possible.

I know a woman bed-ridden with a cancer that is trying to consume her body. And, it wrecks me.

Right this minute.

I know a woman who is putting every single ounce of trust into her Savior as she comforts her two daughters who probably don’t understand why their father has walked out. And, it wrecks me.

Right this minute.

I know a man who is caring for a wife who has been diagnosed with a rare form of dementia while struggling to keep his business afloat. And, it wrecks me.

Right this minute.

I know a woman who doesn’t comprehend her value and is selling out to lies that she will never be good enough. And, it wrecks me.

I know every single one of these people.

And, these things are happening. Right this minute.

And, it wrecks me.

It wrecks me until I remember…..

The Roman Centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant, and Jesus just spoke the words, and He was healed.

And, I remember that God will be a father to the fatherless, and He will redeem everything that is lost.

I remember that all things are possible with the One who provides for us and never leaves us and goes with us all the way to the end. And, the end is always glorious.

I remember that I am the arms and feet of Christ, and I can love with His amazing love so that person hurting sees only God lifting her up, holding her in His arms, until she knows how He loves her from the inside out.

You see, nothing….NOTHING is beyond repair. Nothing is beyond redemption. Nothing is beyond the MIRACLE.