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5/20/13

Some mornings I listen to Colin Cowherd﻿ on ESPN Radio as I'm getting my morning started because I like his opening monologue. It's always about life within the context of sports. Even though he uses sports as a backdrop, he incorporates a lot of other principles for living a good life.

This morning he was talking about Carmelo Anthony and his obvious lack of commitment to becoming a total superstar. Carmelo is about Carmelo, not his team. Carmelo is about shooting, not scoring (or he would drive to the basket more). Carmelo is about points, not defense. Carmelo is about being famous for being Carmelo, not about being famous for winning. He'd rather be your friend than rip your heart out.

I am a Kobe Hater but was there ever any doubt that he and Jordan would rather eat your liver than shake your hand? That's the difference between LeBron, Kobe, Michael and Carmelo. (Even in looking at the first picture on this post, how in the heck is 'Melo smiling?!) I'll get off his back. He's a little better at basketball than I am. That's not the issue, however. The issue, as Cowherd points out, is how often 'Melo fails to do what his team needs him to do. He doesn't demand much from them and doesn't demand much from himself.

Because it's NBA Playoff time, I had to share a pic of my favorite basketball player and ultimate committed competitor, Tim Duncan. Widely regarded as the best Power Forward of all time and one play who has NEVER had his dedication questioned. Duncan competes. He manages his diet, his mindset and his minutes on the court so that he can be 100% on when it's time to be on. Bringing four titles home to my beloved Texas shows that in a league that the conspiracy theorist in me says is rigged against my Spurs.

The only thing I hate about myfinancial consulting business is feeling like I'm freaking begging people to act in their own best interest. Don't get me wrong. As an entrepreneur, I do not mind asking for money. The sales process doesn't bother me. I know that it is about helping people and being honest with them if you can't help. No worries. I do mind feeling like I'm begging, however, and I refuse to do it any longer. It's ridiculous.

One thing I've noticed from people in various walks of life is those who succeed (achieve meaningful goals) develop the habit of taking massive action quickly while those who fail have the habit of waiting, waiting and then delaying some more.

"Have a bias toward action - let's see something happen now. You can break that big plan into small steps and take the first step right away." - Indira Gandhi

I get excited when I see people move. It breaks my heart to see people delay and delay and refuse to do even small things that could change their lives. You could set aside $5 or $10 a month towards something important, but won't give up Starbucks. You could start a college fund for your kids but won't turn off the cable for a few months. If you're a parent, you're teaching your children poverty and mediocrity by your inaction. Teach them a better way. Do something! If not for you, then for them.

5/18/13

Last time we talked about having needs vs. being needy and it sparked some good dialogue. Remember: neediness is when a person requires more than usually expected or due. In other words, their needs are being met on a reasonable level, but they still want more. If you're the kind who has been called needy more than once, let's face it. There might be some truth there. If everybody calls you a donkey, buy a saddle, right? Some of you reading this are... needy!

Side note: It is OKAY to need people. That is a good thing!

A few thoughts about how to stop being needy:

Be courageous about being authentically you no matter what. There is someone out there for the real you - the one you're sometimes tempted to keep hidden. You are valuable just the way you are.

Know your core values and don't compromise them. There are plenty of ways we all need to change and grow. There should be some things about yourself you don't change.

Give yourself permission to want things. Even in your wanting, have gratitude. Be grateful for the ways your needs are being met and the efforts of others to meet them.

There is nothing wrong with needing love, touches, tender words, time with loved ones and commitment. You just have to be clear about what your needs are and sober about when they're being met and when they're not. Being needy is all about failing to realize that you're requiring more of people than they can give and not honoring the needs they're already meeting.

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

5/17/13

I'm posting this for a friend. She asked me why divorced exes seldom, if ever, get back together. Research shows the number to be somewhere around 4% to 6% of couples remarrying one another. In my friend's mind, the kids would be better off and that makes it not only okay but necessary. Aside from those couples who divorce and marry each other two or three times, why doesn't it happen more?

I'm not sure why it doesn't happen more but offered her these thoughts:

Your Ex has to want to restore the marriage. This rarely happens.

Both people have to grow and mature. This rarely happens.

The growth people experience needs to be in the same direction - It normally isn't when they're in different environments, churches and circles of friends for months or years. Practically-speaking, many times exes begin to become strangers after the divorce.

There is usually some recognition that you should have/would have chosen someone else the first time around.

In some cases, there is so much acrimony that you really do need a fresh start. Dealing with an angry Ex becomes a daily reminder of failures and can be too much weight for a new relationship to carry and reinforces poor patterns.

Every credible marriage counselor will tell you that you don't "go back" but you should start over learning that person again. Dr. Phil might say something like "You can't ever put the toothpaste back into the tube." At some point you look at the person and determine that you would all be better off going another way.

Most important, in my view, is each person has to be able to truly forgive. Most Believers only pay lip service to this. I've done enough lay counseling (a lot more than most people think) to tell you that 80% of most peoples' current problems are related to their unwillingness to forgive someone in their past.

What do you think? Should exes come back together? If so, how can they do it? Have you ever remarried your Ex?

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

Just sitting here reflecting on some things before I get back to work over here. I should be done with work for the day within a few hours. I'm pretty pumped up today and it has been a good day. My pastor likes to talk about living life on life's terms as being a successful life. If that makes sense. He explains it better than I. I like to say that life has rules. Here are a few that I've observed...

1. Read. What we become depends upon what we read. In general, my life goes better when I'm reading.
2. I can never progress unless I appreciate the assets that I already have.
3. You don't know how good you really are. Henry Ford said every man can achieve more than he thinks he can. So true.
4. Life owes you nothing. The sooner you realize that, the happier you will be. People are too entitled these days and I hate the word "deserve" with a passion! You really don't want what you deserve. You want what you're graced to receive.
5. God forgives me even while I'm whining.
6. If you want to succeed, you have to learn to live with failure.
7. Nobody makes it alone. We all need help to grow, to achieve and to recover from setbacks.
9. We are three words away from a better life: I need help.
10. Worry doesn't get you anywhere. Nothing destroys life more than fear and worry. Trust me. I know.

People don't like rules much, but there you have it. Do with those what you want.

5/15/13

Can you tell the difference between a person expressing legitimate needs vs. being needy? Everyone has needs and you can't deny that. But when does it cross over into unhealthy territory?

First, let us define the two terms: needs are physiological or psychological requirements for the well-being of an organism. Food, water, belonging are all examples. Neediness is when a person requires more than usually expected or due. In other words, their needs are being met on a reasonable level, but they still want more.

If you are in a relationship with a needy person it can feel suffocating. I've had people express that they can give and give but never seem to be able to give enough. Remember, this isn't to say that we all don't have legitimate needs. Trying to act as if we don't, is just as bad. Here are some things I've seen as examples of healthy needs vs. unhealthy neediness. There are tons more.

Unhealthy: Compromising your core values to be someone you're not.Healthy: Changing and maturing to be easier to relate to and with.

Unhealthy: Isolating yourself from other relationships including same-sex friends and family.Healthy: Enjoying the company of your significant other and valuing each moment you get together.

Unhealthy: Demanding they remain in contact with you all the time by phone, text or email.Healthy: Thinking about your partner and being concerned for their well-being but trusting them when they're away.

Got any others? Next time I'll write about how to overcome being needy. I'm seeing a lot of people struggle on both sides of this issue. I feel like we should talk about it a little. What are some other signs of being needy?

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

Success has a language. Some people are fluent in the language of excuses and others speak life every time they open their mouths. If you want more success, learn how successful people talk. According to Pimsleur, the leading language learning system in the world, there are three steps to learning a new language.

1. Listen intently.2. Practice fearlessly.3. Speak boldly.

And here's the encouraging key. You only need to know about 2500 words to be considered fluent in a language like Spanish, for example. That's about 10% of the language. I'm told the same thing holds true for any language because over 90% of daily communication is built using less than 10% of the vocabulary available to you.

Perhaps it follows by logic that you only need to learn a little to change your entire life? It's worth considering, therefore, let me give you some examples of the language of death (failure) and the language of life (success):

Death/Failure says: "I'm a failure. I never get it right."Life/Success says: "That didn't work out, but I will keep pressing until I succeed."

Death/Failure says: "It takes money to make money and I don't have enough."Life/Success says: "It takes creativity and diligence to make money and I've got plenty of both!"

Death/Failure says: "I'm afraid. I can't do it."Life/Success says: "I am courageous. I do what I must when I must."

Now, substitute your own. What are some ways you can begin to speak life? Remember the lessons from Pimsleur: listen to successful people talk... practice speaking different words... speak boldly.

5/14/13

I've been posting ways to develop what I call an #aMAYzing mindseton my Live BIG Die Empty Facebook page each day in the month of May. Clever, huh? Well, if you haven't been following all of them, I've landed on five suggestions that you can take and put into action right now. I believe that acting on any of the five will help you tremendously and acting on all five will, I believe, change the entire trajectory of your life.

1.Find a peer group or mastermind group to which you can belong immediately. You need to find people of hope, drive and determination who are focused on seeing their dreams realized and surround yourself by them. I suggest you make this a top priority. Your current environment may not be influencing you positively the way you would need it to in order to reach lofty goals.

2. Share at least a few of your goals publicly. Put them out there. Let people know what it is you want to achieve and where you need help. You never know who's out there looking to help someone.

3. Write a set of encouraging affirmations for yourself. Post them around your home and recount them to yourself daily or even several times a day until you've adjusted your mindset. Make sure everything you say is constructive to helping you move forward in joy, happiness an success.

5. Gratitude. Great and accomplished people tend to be the most grateful. Fear and worry can't abide in thankful heart. Also, I think you'd be surprised at how much a public display of gratitude would open doors for you.

Originally written for BrothaOnline.com... check out other Money & Finance articles written by Mark Anthony McCray for BrothaOnline.com here.

I can't think of much that galls me more than conspicuous consumption. This is mostly because most conspicuous consumers can't afford to conspicuously consume. They are the ones who need to be living BENEATH their means for a season or two and - if they did so - would find their futures changed positively forever. And ever.

But this is where I sometimes lose my peace a little bit. I've read on CNN.com that Black Americans are - on average - twenty-times poorer than White Americans according to the last Census. As I read the article, my mind starting racing. I knew things were bad, but this bad? How could this be? Why could this be? What can be done about it? This was crazy. The median white family has twenty times the net worth of the median black family. I'm being repetitive, but let that sink in for a second.

Hispanics in America are richer than blacks, too, though not quite by a factor of twenty-three. Hispanics are about twice as well off. Asians are between whites and Hispanics.

Something is clearly amiss.

When talking about wealth and income disparity, the less endowed often fall back on complaining - and complaining isn't a plan. Also, you'll notice it's only poor people who talk about income. Rich people talk about worth. So, here's where we are. If you are not where you want to be financially, it is time to do something differently and do it now. Please let me know your ideas. Here are my 6 Ways to Make Sure You NEVER Get Rich:

1. You will (most likely) never get rich if you (only) work a job. Instead, please stop talking about jobs. Talk about building careers, professional practices and, better still, businesses. Business and entrepreneurship are the solution. Working is better (maybe?) than not working, but vastly inferior to owning something. You need to be become an owner and a controller of your outcomes. How about having a company? A career? Instead of only learning how to write a resume, learn how to write a business plan.

2. You will (most likely) never get rich if you stay single. It is better to get married and stay married. Remaining single well into adulthood and divorce both destroy wealth, income, savings and stability. Not only will you destroy what you have worked for if you divorce, but you make it harder to come back up. Too many separate accounts, too much money going to employ child support office workers, two electric bills, too many people renting and not able to afford to own homes. In addition, it's been proven on top of proven that marriage accelerates wealth. Whoever thinks it's smarter to be single, has been duped for the most part.

3. You will (most likely) never get rich if you ball 'til you fall. Stop investing so much time and energy into trinkets. Expensive cars, expensive vacations, expensive clothes and watches and other such things hinder your ability to get ahead. Living within your means doesn't get you anywhere - you've got to live below your means. Live beneath your means and invest the rest and do it for as long as you can. Your savings and investments should be the first destinations for cash you think of when you experience windfalls. Build a financial plan that includes play money but only as a fraction.

4. You will (most likely) never get rich if you think insurance is for suckers. Invest and maybe even over-invest in insurance. Along with home ownership, this is the biggest issue regarding generational wealth. Minorities often have to start over from scratch with each successive generation. If you're not going to have businesses and real estate to pass to our children, you should at least try to make sure they don't have to dip into savings to put you in the ground. It is gruesome to consider, however insurance proceeds have built many a kingdom.

5. You will (most likely) never get rich if you stay current on the latest TV shows. Turn off the television and pick up a book. You need ideas. Hard work alone isn't going to get you where we need to be. I think it was Napoleon Hill who said great wealth - when it comes quickly - is never the result of hard work, but of hard thought. Know less about what's happening in Prime time and more about what's happening with prime real estate in your market.

6. You will (most likely) never get rich if you always go it alone. Merge. Work together. Mastermind. Get a coach. As business owners, stop trying to take over the world alone so often. Partner up and create enterprises with some scale. Scale gives you purchase power, market power, self-determination and security without having to invest night and day into your businesses potentially destroying your family and everything else you're trying to build.

Too often the dialogue regarding wealth turns to talking about jobs. Jobs. Jobs? This ain't about jobs, people! This ain't about income. This is about wealth! Net wealth, to be more specific, what's left after you've paid off all those people sending you bills. This is generational stuff we're dealing with here. Take these six guidelines and examine how you can make some adjustments in the way you think, work and live. I promise you'll see some changes in your Personal Balance Sheet and sooner than you think!