5 of Hearts

A blossom opens, held by extended hands. Three drops of blood
drip down.

Opening to another is a key transition in the progress of
emotional intimacy. We expose our pain, our inner turmoil, our
regrets, our fears, letting them gush forth heedlessly and
unguardedly. We've passed the stage of smiles and kindnesses, and are
now ready to let down our barriers. Being open is a delicate choice,
and timing is crucial. Our world would become emotionally overloaded
if everyone opened emotionally all the time. We would be paralyzed in
a maelstrom of strong feelings, unable to navigate the needs of the
day and maintain our sense of composure. As children, we learn that
the uninhibited expression of emotions is not always appropriate,
that others expect restraint from us, and we should not bombard them
with feelings.

The message, alas, can be taken too much to heart, leaving us
fearful of opening up under any circumstances, locking our feelings
in a permanent internal cage. But release and sharing is an essential
part of cycling emotions through the psyche. If we never open to
others, our feelings can become poisonous and impossible to manage.
Good parents welcome emotional opening from their children, teaching
them that although it may not always be well received in the outside
world, the home and family is an environment where it is safe and
healing to open. As adults, we can recreate the safe environment of
the home for each other, allowing intimacy to grow.

In our goal-focused culture, emotional opening may become
confused with asking for advice or support. Opening is not about
enlisting the other in solving our problems. The role of the other is
simply to provide a safe space, to let the emotions flow forth and
wash over us, recognizing and acknowledging them, but not trying to
clasp them or change them. It is the release that matters, and
release makes its own healing. In fact, attempts to solve the problem
or make the other happy may actually be detrimental, as they send the
subtle message that the expressed feelings are bad and need to be
replaced with better ones, which may imply that the listener would
rather not deal with the emotions as they are, and is uncomfortable
with the act of opening.

Opening is not about doing, it is about allowing...allowing the
natural flow of feeling to wash through, unhampered. By allowing
ourselves to open, and by allowing others to open to us, we make the
spaces between us safe havens, grottos where love may
blossom.