Tuesday’s TPS Report: Brett Colorblocked Blouse

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Hmmn: I kind of like this silk blouse from Equipment. The colorblocking is interesting but not too wild, and I like that the buttons on the blouse go all the way up to the top. I think for the office I’d wear this with really structured pieces — a pencil skirt, under a blazer, or — if worn with a cardigan or by itself — belted with a wide belt. It’s $208 at Shopbop. Equipment Brett Colorblocked Blouse

Not to my knowledge (obsessed Anthro shopper). I have their card but I never get codes emailed to me or anything. They have further mark-downs of sale goods a few times a year. Also, the in-store prices on regular sale items are often better than the price online (25 verus 39 for a slip I just bought).

I really like the colorblocked look (in fact just picked up a similar blouse off the sale rack at Talbots – cream, with the same type of navy banding and cuffs, but with a simple round neck trimmed in navy rather than the full collar).

But – this top is too sheer, Equipment!! Look at how much darker the pocket is than the rest of the blouse.

I know I’m in the minority, but I just don’t like sheer tops for work. At all. They seem to suggestive to me (even if you’re wearing a tank underneath). I suppose the exception in my mind would be if you’re wearing something over it that would be acceptable sans blouse underneath. But whatever, I’m a prude for work, despite being late twenties. Perhaps it’s because I look young and I find that people take me more seriously when I’m dressed conservatively?

Can I complain about Target.com for a minute? I ordered a couple of things from there and I want to return 3 of them without having to go to the store but it is giving me 3 separate UPS labels- so I would have to spend $20+ to return this [email protected] when it was low-priced to begin with. I get that they prefer you to return to the store where you’ll buy other stuff, but this is ridiculous.

Just use one and send them all back in the same package with the packing slip indicating which items you’re returning. You can call and check with a customer service rep that this is OK, but it should be fine.

I don’t know, I would be a little nervous about this. Returns are handled so mechanically, especially somewhere as huge as Target, and I’m guessing each label is hooked up to a specific item. I’d be nervous that if you only use one, they may miss that you included the other two. So I would call customer service to make sure.

Ladies — sorry for the very early TJ, but you were all so incredibly helpful with my last interview-related question that I thought I would try again.

I have an interview next week for a position I want very, very badly. The problem is it’s a super-casual environment (details would probably out me). Most of my screening interview questions were about making sure that hiring a lawyer didn’t cramp their cultural style. I’m afraid if I show up to the interview in my “navy-interview-suit-with-a-button-down-and-pearls,” I will confirm every lawyer stereotype they have and they won’t hire me. So the question — what the heck do I wear?

I feel like if I wear my typical interview gear, I look stuffy. But if I show up in jeans and a blazer (and I WILL the most “dressed-up” person in the office in jeans and a blazer), I’m afraid I’ll look like I’m not taking the job and position seriously. I was thinking of wearing suit separates (think: navy suit skirt with bright-ish blazer), chunky jewelry, bright closed-toe shoes, and trendy nail polish. Yes? No? Am I over thinking this? Helllllp! :) TIA!

I don’t know, I think the average age of the people hiring you might factor in here. If this is a company that is not only casual but young, and they have made it clear from their questions that they have some reservations about hiring a lawyer because they feel like that might mess with their culture…I think your proposed outfit is still a little stuffy. I might do jeans and a blazer, if I knew how the top people in the company dressed for meetings and that was still ‘dressed up’. But, if you want to be a little safer, I might go with actual separates, (ie, things that never came with other matching pieces) not suit pieces. And I probably wouldn’t wear a suit skirt suit, that’s pretty stuffy, if I were going to wear a skirt I’d go with something with a looser fit. Personally I’d probably wear slacks and a fun blouse, with jewelry and shoes that were fun but not campy.

Do you have a pantsuit? That and a brightly colored patterned top (stripes?) would look cool and not stuffy I think. Although, I’m going against received wisdom here but it sounds like you’d be fine in a blazer and dark jeans.

I don’t think you’re over-thinking it. This is a tough one. Your proposed outfit sounds okay, given the circumstances. But I don’t think it’s skirt-suit-and-pearls or nothing. You might also consider wearing the suit sans pearls with and a brightly-colored more-casual top (maybe like those t-shirts Kat featured the other day) plus the type of bright accessories you’ve described.

I agree. You’re definitely not overthinking it. I’d just second the no-jeans suggestion. I may be a little stuffy myself, but even in a casual environment, I expect job candidates to show up for interviews in suits. Here, it sounds like a suit might be too much, but I think you still want to convey that you are taking the job and the interview seriously, and that you understand how to look like a lawyer if necessary. Let your personality communicate that you are not going to cramp their style!!

Agree with the two above, my new office environment is so casual I get weird looks if I wear a jacket at all (learning to love cardigans!) and was told twice to dress down. But I interviewed in my nicest black skirt suit, etc…

That said, I really like the outfit you mentioned at the end with the suit skirt, bright blazer, bright shoes, nail polish. You want to show that you will fit in with their culture while still respecting the interview process and I think that outfit hits that note perfectly.

The outfit you’ve planned sounds great. If the industry is science/tech focused, you might consider swapping in trousers. Don’t wear jeans to the interview. If they’re at the point of hiring an in-house lawyer, they’ve probably gone through financing rounds and met people who would never take a business meeting without a blazer who also have a very good grasp of their business/industry. Plus, aren’t you going to work some portion of that day? Wear what you would wear if you were trying to bring them in as a client.

No jeans. Pants suit, fun blouse (with or without pattern, but something bolder than a white/light blue button down,) fun jewelry (think kate spade gumdrop-type, or something with color but still somewhat modest in style), and maybe a pair of shoes other than plain pumps.

Can you do something fun but still buttoned up? I’m thinking (from my closet) The Skirt in magenta, a medium grey blazer, bare legs, nude pumps, and a blouse that complements the pink but brings in the grey? That says “hello I’m a fun and kooky lawyer” to me while still being respectful and addressing the “lawyers should be more buttoned up” idea.

Regarding interviewing, I don’t own a suit that fits and I didn’t wear one for any of my interviews. I wore separates – either black blazer and black pencil skirt, black blazer and black print skirt, or black houndstooth jacket and black pencil skirt to the interviews I went to over the past year.

This company is anything goes for workwear. I wear jeans at least twice a week and my boss wore jeans when he interviewed me. I wore a black Ann Taylor suit jacket (the matching skirt is too big on me) with “the skirt” in black and a blue printed top to the interview. I wore it with wedges and no hose.

I work for a biotech startup and while we wouldn’t ding a lawyer in a suit, but I honestly think the trendier separates you suggested would be better and would alleviate some concerns about fit.

As for “people expect the lawyer to suit up” – meh. For an interview, MAYBE (and I stress maybe). Our IHC wears jeans every day and potentially even did for his interview – I can’t remember. We certainly don’t need or want him to suit up for work and I don’t think we’d love the tone it set if a lawyer showed up every day in a suit. We only expect him in a suit when he’s in a meeting that requires it (just like everyone else here).

I was leaning toward what mezzaluna suggested (houndstooth suit, bright blouse, fun jewelry, pretty Kate Spade pumps, navy polish), but I do also have the Skirt in bright green and I could wear it with a camel blazer I have that’s fun with nude pumps and fun jewelry? Any suggestions on how to stealthily figure out which of the two outfits to go with? I would call the HR manager, but I know that she’s interviewing me!

If more info will help (I’ll try to give it without outing myself), they’re a startup but are used to dealing with BigLaw firms. They wouldn’t be totally shocked and horrified to see me show up in a stuffy suit, but as everyone has pointed out, I’m not sure that’s the impression I want to give. I will absolutely plan on wearing jeans and blazers everyday if I get the job to fit in — I’m very much looking forward to it!! I’d also note that there’s a casual dinner a few hours after the interview with some of the higher-ups — I planned on wearing the jeans-blazer-rock tshirt-flipflops then.

I think either of your outfits would be good, but lean towards the green and camel personally. Part of my preference might be the reference to navy polish on the other outfit – I would skip it for an interview just because I think it has the potential to turn someone off, and that’s not worth the risk on an interview. The balance of professional and creative sound great otherwise.

I think outfit 1 sounds perfect. I actually love the navy polish idea – it’s professional but also a little bit more interesting and trendy. I’ve never seen the Skirt in person but I’d be a little worried that it’s almost too comfy of a fabric for interviews..

Dress and blazer. Assuming this is an in-house type position and not a law firm. Add some fun/color. Maybe not the nail polish, but definitely the fun accessory. Remember what CoCo, look in the mirror and take one thing off before you go….. (accessories, not clothes!)

BigLaw Optimist- I’m late to the party but agree with Divaliscious11. I think a mod dress with blazer or statement jacket plus necklace or statement accessory. Look at online photos of Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook. She is often wearing a knit dress, statement necklace or earrings and sometimes a jacket. She is obviously wearing makeup and looks like she fits in but also that she’s in charge. I think the polished details (makeup, nail polish, good jewelry) speak to professionalism and status, which are good things for in-house counsel. Good luck with the interview.

I had an interview with an informal office (on casual Friday, no less) and I just bit the bullet and wore a suit. The interviewer was wearing white jeans and a sweater, so I think I would have been fine in separates. But I don’t think anywhere will ding you for wearing a suit to an interview for an attorney position. If you have a job right now (Biglaw, from your handle?) then maybe they won’t bat an eyelash since they know that Biglaw can be much more formal. I guess my two cents is – a suit probably isn’t necessary, but I wouldn’t go with jeans.

TJ – So, I need some perspective. I’m a new call and have been at my current firm for the last year. They recently told that they can’t offer me a permanent position because they need to add more experienced associates to their practice groups rather than new calls, but asked me to stay on for the next 4 months on contract. Recruiters have told me that I will struggle to find a permanent position without post-call experience, so I agreed to stay on figuring that money for the next few months is better than no money and some experience is better than no experience. Also, some of my co-workers commented that if I put nose to the grindstone and billed a ton, they might offer me a permanent position at the end of the contract.

SO, yesterday a new associate started work at the firm. She’s a new call without any experience in the area she’s been hired to practice in. Very few people were told that the firm was interviewing (I would have asked for an interview) and no one was told that a new associate was starting work yesterday. Most people in the office are shocked, especially me, seeing as I wasn’t hired permanently ostensibly because of my lack of experience.

I’ve already agreed to stay on for the next 4 months, but I doubt that I will be offered a permanent position here no matter what I do. I feel hurt and rejected, and unsure how to handle this. The firm feels toxic (I’ve also had to haggle with the finance department a few times in the last few weeks over my paycheque and vacation days which is awful) and I’m not sure I can continue to work there. I think I need to JSFAMO and focus on planning my next career move, but do I do it now or in 4 months?

As in, leave work and focus on finding something else? So far I haven’t been able to keep up with work and routinely check job postings, draft cover letters and send out job applications in a really effective way.

No – stay and somehow make time for it. If that means you spend each Saturday sending out applications… unfortunately, that’s what you will have to do. But don’t give up the paycheck and your status as “currently employed” before you have to.

No, as in stay at work and check postings. Who knows why the other new person was hired… maybe she’s the daughter or wife of someone important to one of the bosses in your firm. It’s not a comment on your work product, just your unfortunate lack of connections. Life is not fair, and the situation really sucks. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, but doesn’t mean you should behave as badly as they are.

It doesn’t sound like you’re in the US (“cheque”), but at least here, it’s easier to get a job if you have a job already. Also, who knows how many bridges you will burn if you leave now after explicitly agreeing to stay on for four months – your boss’s spouse’s cousin-in-law may be the boss of the firm you are trying to get a job with. The world is small, and people’s memories are long. The converse is that if you work hard and do a good job, maybe your colleague’s spouse’s cousin-in-law is the boss at a firm you are targeting, and that person will give you the connection you need to put your candidacy to the top of the pile.

So, sleep less and get your work and your job search done simultaneously. No, it won’t be easy. No, it’s not fair. But this is a character-building exercise, and it’s only for four months.

Second SF Bay Associate’s excellent advice. Could not have said it better.

I would take your lunch “away from the office” (e.g. a local coffee shop with Wifi and personal laptop) and devote your midday to getting a good jobsearch done. Do not de-prioritize your search in favor of “wowing” at a firm that has not guaranteed you anything. You must prioritize both, no matter how hard or how tired you are.

I’ve been in a similar situation for the last while. You can absolutely job hunt while working. Once you have a good solid cover letter worked up, it generally need only light tweaking, unless a job is especially unique. Same with resumes. And you should just develop a system for checking job sites, but as long as you do it every morning, it really doesn’t take much time (and some are only updated weekly).

Do NOT quit your job. Milk them for every nickel they are worth and also its much easier to job hunt while having a job (plus, presumably they will know you are job hunting, so like up references with those you have good relationships with now.)

I second/third/fourth/fifth what everyone said. Work your tail off, get your paychecks, and send out applications. I say don’t take not being hired personally. My instant reaction was that the new associate knows someone. If most people in the office are shocked, then it is not a comment about your work product.

You’re in Ontario somewhere, yes? I recall you posting about your cattle-call bar call. Regardless, it’s sucky what the firm did, hiring a new associate, but…assume it was just fit and they didn’t want to tell you? If that’s they way they operate (the new associate, haggling for cheques?), you’re dodging a bullet. This is the chance for you to find somewhere you can actually grow.

I’m going to say that the people that I know who weren’t asked back are all staying and seeking work- from our experience and understanding, that extra 2-4 month contract period is 9 times out of 10 a given in out Canadian markets. When that extra contract is not given, it makes everyone think poorly of the firm.

That extra time is bascially de facto paid job searching time. Usually the new calls are given terrible work (if any), and all the lawyers they’ve gotten along well with try to call in favours for them. You’re not usually expected to work the usual articling hours, because the lawyers completely understand that you’re no longer invested in the firm (though the protocol is to always offer to help as much as possible, since you don’t want to leave a bad impression). Honestly, with the people I’ve known, they’re often given time off to attend interviews, etc. It’s not like people are confused about the fact that you’re job hunting.

Now, bear in mind that I am across the country, in a city that has a much better economy and a very different legal market (just in terms of the atmosphere), so I’m not sure whether my advice holds true, but essentially, I’d start looking now, and asking the lawyers who you’ve worked well with to make a few calls. Good luck:)

He found me! I got an unwanted birthday card in the mail yesterday, and apparently he’s trying to convince my sister to come visit the building I work in and do a “tour”, without telling her why he really wants to come. I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do. Do I contact him and tell him I don’t want any contact? Do I wait to see if he comes? My sister mentioned him wanting to come on Friday, do I try to work from home that day? Warn the front desk so I don’t look like a Jerry Springer participant? I don’t want to feel like a trapped rat all week (or for the rest of my life, for that matter), but there’s also something appealing about confronting him and having security remove him in a public place where he can’t deny what happened and rewrite history.

His note said there had been a “misunderstanding” and he was coming to New York face to face to clear things up. There was no misunderstanding… he disowned me and I have been okay with that for the last few years. I definitely don’t want anything cleared up face to face, but since he found my work address (I’m not on the website), I’m sure he can find my home one if he tries.

This is going to be difficult but this man is abusive and harassing you. If you cross boundaries like this, he will always cross them and you will feel trapped. Speak to HR. Tell them to inform security that they are not to put his calls through and to escort him out if he arrives. Speak to your sister and explain that if he comes to your work, he will be escorted out and may be arrested. I would send ONE email to him stating that any further contact will result in a no contact order. I would call a DV shelter and get their advice and maybe speak to the police. Basically, let him know that he can’t force his way into your life and that you will take action to stop him violating your boundaries if he does.

Just wanted to thank all of you ladies again (especially nona, who came up with the winning idea!) for helping me figure out what to do for my Dad for Father’s Day. He loved the little framed picture of him holding me when I was 3. He left me the sweetest message last night – he kept going on about how young he looked in the picture (it was 1968 and he was 31). He wasn’t home for Father’s Day – my brother took him and my nephews on a golfing weekend, so he got it yesterday. He was really touched.

Oh and to follow up on a previous discussion, when I talked to my brother on Father’s Day, he kept saying “my Dad” when he was referring to OUR Dad. What a goober.

He found me! I got an unwanted birthday card in the mail yesterday, and apparently he’s trying to convince my sister to come visit the building I work in and do a “tour”, without telling her why he really wants to come. I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do. Do I contact him and tell him I don’t want any contact? Do I wait to see if he comes? My sister mentioned him wanting to come on Friday, do I try to work from home that day? Warn the front desk so I don’t look like a Jerry Springer participant? I don’t want to feel like a trapped rat all week (or for the rest of my life, for that matter), but there’s also something appealing about confronting him and having security remove him in a public place where he can’t deny what happened and rewrite history.

His note said there had been a “misunderstanding” and he was coming to New York face to face to clear things up. There was no misunderstanding… he disowned me and I have been okay with that for the last few years. I definitely don’t want anything cleared up face to face, but since he found my work address (I’m not on the website), I’m sure he can find my home one if he tries.

Not a whole lot of advice to offer, but in regards to the building “tour”, I would say to your sister something along the lines of “If you guys want to do that, that’s all well and good, but I really hope you weren’t hoping to see me while you’re touring the building. I’ll be working and won’t be able to get away.”

Sorry, I was unclear. My sister was not interested in hanging out with him all day in any case, and now that she realizes what he’s trying to do, she’s furious with him, as well. He’s put her in such an awkward situation. If he comes I imagine it will be solo.

This. Plus, from what you’ve written previously he probably doesn’t think you’ll have the ladyb a l l s to do it. He is probably betting that he’ll come across as a hero by coming to visit you at work. Cue everyone in your office saying, “Aww isn’t Cornellian’s dad just the sweetest??!! Coming to visit her in New York and surprising her at her office. And Cornellian was a (insert word of choice here) and didn’t appreciate it at all.” He’s manipulating you, you know that. Don’t let em up. Oh, and people that really want to clear things up don’t do it this way. But, you know that, too.

If you are able to – I mean, if it will not hurt you professionally – please inform the front desk and security. And ensure that if he shows up, he will be removed publicly and that a written incident will occur. And you don’t even have to see him.

I have the mentally ill SIL that’s I’ve posted about before. Even though its so uncomfortable, this is the better way to do it.

I talked to my firm, who talked to that firm, who did not offer her the position and did not inform her why or that they had spoken to my firm, per my firm’s request. Since then, everything has been quiet.

There seemed to be a lot of similar statements here – I felt trapped like a rat, I go out of my way to avoid Jerry Springer moments, etc.

I really wish other people understood a bit more what it’s like with one of these people in your life. I am not generally drama prone. I spend lots of time with other elderly and difficult family members. I haven’t cut anyone off. It’s hard to get across that I am not an awful ungrateful brat, and that he is the one with the problem, to strangers.

Oh Cornellian, you are not at all alone! If anyone I know is reading this, I’m about to immediately out myself…

But my pregnant sister is moving to Europe in a few weeks for work, and my dad, who sounds an awful lot like your dad, except with a hearty helping of extreme paranoia, has decided that he is going to take a freighter to this foreign country (because, duh, the FBI has put him on the “no fly list” because of some of his “activities”– this is all absurd, btw) to be there when my sister gives birth. The icing on the cake is that he’s going to bring his new wife with him. His new wife is the woman he cheated on my mom with for 15 years.

My sister is not returning his calls and is going to basically get the European version of a P.O. box so he can’t track her address. He currently doesnt know where I work, where I live, or what my phone number is.

Long story short, she and I are both normal, fairly well adjusted (thanks medicine and therapy!) fully functioning members of society. I bet that some of your co-workers who seem totally normal and together have family members that are just as insane, destructive, and horrible as our dads. Hang in there and know you are not alone!

I am the oldest of my father’s 7 kids: 2 from wife 1, 3 from wife 3 and 2 from current wife 4. I am 45, and the youngest is 3.

In my case, my father was a wonderful parent who gave me all kinds of opportunities and experiences and encouragement that a lot of girls growing up in the 1970s did not get. He taught me how to be entirely self-sufficient, encouraged all my activities and paid for any and every school I wanted to attend. He also spent a lot of time with me (and with sister #2).

The turn came as he switched families/wives and as I grew into my 30s and beyond and stopped bending to his every will. Finally, 3 1/2 years ago, he told me he never wanted to see or talk to me again. I was heartbroken, but frankly, given the way he had treated me in the few years immediately prior to his announcement, my life was a lot calmer without him. He manages to create chaos everywhere he goes: in his businesses (successful serial entrepreneur), in his personal life (many former friends are now “off limits”) and in his family life.

Strange thing is, since he told me that he never wanted to talk to or see me again, he has demanded things from me on about a half-dozen occasions: legal help (I am a lawyer), for me to invest money I don’t have in his business, for me to do things for my younger siblings that they don’t want and I can’t do (get X into ABC college, when X doesn’t want to go to ABC and I can’t get X in anyway), show up at his house for holidays and pretend everything is fine, etc.

Coincidentally, I just heard from him again yesterday (“Was I that bad a father?” in an email — presumably because I did not send him a Fathers Day card, to the home where he moved without telling me that he moved or what the address is? Right.) and again today (“Wow, your non response speaks volumes.” in an email — because I did not respond to the first).

I just set up an email rule to send all his emails to a separate folder. I can’t figure out how to do that on the iPhone, though, so I will still see them there.

I have two issues that you might be able to comment on:

1. When he dies, I don’t want to feel guilty. He was a great father for many years. I was a great daughter during that time. And I have thanked him profusely over many years for everything he did for me. But I still think I should do more, and I feel guilty that I don’t want to. He is 74 and in poor health. (Though not too poor to be married to a woman who is 46 — yes, 1 year older than I — and to have 3 year old twins with her.)

2. My middle siblings are 24, 22 and 20. What and how much do I say to them? Only the 24 year old speaks to me. (Long story, but when their mom and he were divorcing, she threatened to take everything if I spoke to them and he threw me under the bus. So for several important developmental years, I had no contact with them and they are still reacting to that.) You have older and younger siblings with a similarly large age range. How do you handle this?

Make contact ONE time to tell him “I do not want any contact with you, and if you show up at my place of business I will have security remove you.” (Read “The Gift of Fear.”) You have to be able to demonstrate that his attempts to contact you are unwelcome. As icky as this sounds, think now about a restraining order six months down the road. It may not come to that, but better to have your ammunition in place than to have to build a paper trail after he’s already created havoc.

I agree. The best thing is to call him (block your number if he doesn’t know it) once and tell him that if he shows up at your workplace you will have security remove him. State very plainly and calmly that you have no interest in seeing him or hearing what he has to say. If you ever change your mind, you will contact him. I think this is better than ignoring him, which may encourage his pursuit even more. Better to confront head on and nip this in the bud. Then tell security/the front desk about the situation. If you get the impression from the phone call that he is still planning to come, work from home that day.

As for a restraining order- in my state, you’ll need to prove that he has threatened you and that you fear for your safety. The fact that he has tried to make contact and you don’t want him to won’t be enough

The phone call is an attractive option, except then I have no record of me clearly saying I wanted no contact. In my state I can record conversations without telling the other person, but in the state where he lives I can’t. I need to figure out if that means I can or can’t record conversations between the two states.

Previously documented incidents are, I think, enough to get a temporary restraining order where I live, although I bet he’d show up to court to contest it at the hearing. I’d like to get as much recorded/in writing as I can.

Could you mail him a letter instead? If you are worried about him finding out where you live, drive a few towns over to mail it so it has a different postmark place. Or mail it to a friend that lives across the country and have her put it in a new envelope and mail it to him.

I would tell security and/or the front desk that he is not allowed in to see you under any circumstances. If necessary, make it clear that you are scared for your safety.

How involved is your sister in this and how is her relationship with him? Could she tell him that you don’t want to see him and make it clear that you don’t want any contact? I know that puts her in a really awkward spot, but if she is willing and comfortable with it, it could be a solution.

I think that Seattleite’s suggestion could work too. I had to cut off all contact with my mother years ago and it was a really long process. I tried ignoring her and avoiding her at all costs but that wasn’t enough to deter her. I was in high school and college when this all happened, so it wasn’t the same as having her show up at work. I ended up writing her an email equivocally stating that I wanted to have no further contact with her and that I would not respond in any way should she try to contact me in the future. I then promptly changed my email and phone number, which it sounds like you wouldnt have to do since his only way to find you was through your work website. Ultimately, it worked for me and she hasn’t tried to contact me in years. The only real risk I have is running into her when I’m visiting my hometown, but it hasn’t happened thanks to my sister who is always willing to find out where my mother is on any particular day if I need to go somewhere that she might be.

Good luck with all of this. I understand a piece of what you must be going through and know how awful that can be.

I feel awful for siblings in these situations. I’ve been on both sides… when my older half-sister wanted no contact, my father used 5 year old me to reach out, and now he’s doing the same thing to my youngest sister. Gross.

My father knows very well I want no contact… but he’s still hiring private investigators on his 42 year old daughter 27 years after her say no more contact, so I don’t think reminding him will do it.

I feel terrible for my sister as well and have made it clear that if she wants to cut off contact as well, that I would help her. Our mother calls her at least 4 times a day and refuses to get off the phone. My sister hasn’t reached a point yet that would want to cut off contact like I did and it doesnt affect her mental health in the same way it affected mine, which I’m incredibly glad about. Luckily I’m so rarely in town that I hardly ever need to get location information from her.

I would definitely tell building security and reception that you do not want any unscheduled visitors, and I would give them your father’s (and sister’s, if you think she’s trying to help him with this scheme) name and tell them that if he attempts to see you, under no circumstances should they let him in and if he refuses to leave they should have him arrested. But I’d be fully prepared for him to be lurking outside the building waiting for you, if not on Friday, then on some other day, so figure out an alternate entry route to your building. If you have security in your apartment building or residence, tell them too and consider installing some sort of home security system.

Also, I think that unfortunately, he’s going to find you eventually. It would be better if you can do it on your own terms; otherwise, he’ll sneak up on you on the street or in front of your house or something. Perhaps have your lawyer arrange a face to face meeting at a secure location? And then your lawyer can tell him in no uncertain terms to get lost or face legal action.

By the way, in my first sentence, I meant have the lawyer contact him and tell him to stay the eff away. Also, should you need to escalate to a restraining order, the lawyer will be a big help in navigating the system.

I’ve only been there for business, so locals can feel free to overrule me, but if someone else is paying I strongly recommend Rioja in Downtown Denver, it was amazing.

As far as what to do, walking around the Downtown corridor is lots of fun. If you have time to rent a car for a day and drive out to Rocky Mountain National Park, its basically the most beautiful thing ever.

Must eat: Z Cuisine, Potager, Euclid Hall, Lola
Must drink: the Green Russel
Must do: Denver Art Museum (too bad you’ll miss the ysl retrospective!), the view from the top of the Museum of Nature and Science, walk along the cherry creek path

If you can be more specific about what you’re into, I can provide even better recommendations.

Must do if you like jazz: El Chapultepec
If you like jogging: Jog along the Platte River, Cherry Creek or in Wash Park (all are very pretty, so whatever is close to where you are staying)
If you like books: Tattered Cover on 16th street is fun to browse
For happy hour: Earl’s is nice in the summer – several locations in the city

I was going to send a similar inquiry soon — I’ll be in Denver for a few days in August with SO and teenager son (also spending a few days in Boulder). I’ll hang on to these recommendations — any others? We’re vegetarians and would be into easy to moderate hiking, hanging out in bookstores and cafes, hearing some music, especially folk and bluegrass.
Thanks!

Thanks!! To Ms. Basil E. and Hopey Glass: shopping, light outdoor activities (not the super athletic type but not opposed to some beginner / intermediate hikes). And any recommendations for live music venues would be great (other than Red Rocks, already checked the calendar and nothing works).

Today, my boss was visibly annoyed when I gave him a status update and there was nothing to critique, since all projects are moving ahead as scheduled. He looked like a lost lamb — “Oh… um… okay. Well, I guess you can go.”

Perhaps you have made mistakes in the past. Usually, if you were slow to learn things/screw up certain things in the beginning, then you are pegged as office/lab/floor idiot, no matter how much you excel afterward. I should know, I have experienced it.

I used to feel that way but now I do more administrative/high level/managing-type work. I do notice the 99 things people do right every day (and thank goodness for those things every night). I just don’t always have time to acknowledge it–I’m lucky if I can remember to send out a big generic “thanks for everything you did last week”–where I knew it was a horrible, complicated week for them.

I also don’t know that the “one thing” that was messed up was actually your fault. I now know that messes occur when several people mess up and usually one person ends up having to clean it up. I don’t think the “cleaner” is an idiot–they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and are now stuck with it.

I like colorblocking in moderation but the black with pastel is too stark for me. And blouses with buttons just always end up making me look like I dressed up as a lawyer for Halloween.

On another note: I’m taking a short trip to Hawaii (Oahu) for a wedding in late August. Anybody have interesting and off-the-beaten path suggestions? I have all the standard tourist recs, but would love ideas of cool, different stuff to do. My “date” is a my best friend, so ideas that the single ladies would enjoy are especially welcome.

We only have four days, one of which is the wedding, so I think trips to other islands are probably out.

Second the rec for the “[island] Revealed” books. I haven’t used Oahu but both Maui and the Big Island were excellent (with the caveat that I found the restaurant reviews not very on point, but for that there are sites like Yelp). The books were very helpful for planning activities, beaches, snorkeling trips, etc and finding hotels.

I was digging it until I got to the layer at the bottom. That put it in hippie country for me. Wish it had gone straight down from the waist or slightly a-line. Otherwise the rest of the vibe was good imo.

Oooh, that’s a toughie. I love the pattern, and I love the whole dress up to that knee-length ruffle thing. I think styled well, and on the right gal, it could be really cute. Styled poorly, you could end up looking like you fell into a bucket of paint on your way to the marked to sell your prize-winning pig. I’m not sure how one ends up on the right side of that line. With evening jewelry and cute black shoes, maybe? Plus a clutch, and with cute hair? The more I think about it, the more I think it would work. Good luck!

If you have fallen in love with the dress and muct have it, is the sash removable? You could dress it up a bit and add some structure with a gold skinny belt and a bright envelope clutch. I would also consider having a tailor remove the sleeves. With so much volume at the bottom of the dress and wide sleeves as well, it may drown your frame.

I just realized in my head I am converting this from a Anthro dress to BCBG!

Second Zicam. I don’t know if it’s a placebo effect or actually works, but I swear by it. I like the strawberry chew ones best (which I am religiously eating every 3 hours today. Vacation in two weeks, cannot afford for my runny nose to turn into a full blown cold. Must make it to vacation…)

One of those really salty ramen noodle cups. I had a really bad sore throat a couple of years ago and the only thing I could eat was ramen noodles. The combination of heat and salt was very soothing. And, I like chicken-flavored salt better than just plain saltwater.

Any suggestions on a clothes steamer? I’ve been looking at past threads (http://corporette.com/2011/12/06/cheap-suits-how-low-can-you-go/, http://corporette.com/2009/05/18/reader-mail-how-seriously-do-you-have-to-take-the-dry-clean-only-warning/, http://corporette.com/2011/09/28/wednesdays-tps-report-curvy-twill-wide-leg-trousers/) but was hoping for more current recommendations or any further advice. I want this for some of my nicer clothes, to avoid having to iron (which needlessly makes me nervous, even though I’ve never had an issue and been ironing for years), and isn’t a huge hassle. I’m going to be mostly using it in my place, so durability in terms of use is important but in terms of dropping it/travel is not so much. (I mean, it’d be great to have a travel one, but I’d rather have a really good one for home and then worry about a travel one if that ever comes up as a need.)

Do it! Getting a steamer (Jiffy 2000) has changed my life. I can now own silk blouses and not have to factor in dry cleaning costs. In fact, the thing has probably paid for itself and then some over the past 2 years just in dry cleaning savings alone.

There is a learning curve to using it (a few burnt fingers), and my steamer takes a few minutes to heat up, but overall steamer has been great. My routine is to do all of my steaming for the week at a single go, so the slow heat up is not really an issue. Bonus if you put on a facial mask before tackling the wrinkled clothes so the excess steam doesn’t go to waste.

Reading over my post, I had to take out a few exclamation points so I don’t come across as a paid advertiser. But the steamer really has changed my wardrobe routine!

Hubby and I have a Rowenta steamer and LOVE IT. It has also saved us tons in dry cleaning expenses. We keep it stored in our guest bathroom and just plug it in each morning. Its easier than the iron bc we don’t have to put it away each day (which never happened and the ironing board just turned into a place to throw clothes) and we just store the steamer in the closet when we have guests. I highly recommend purchasing a steamer.

I asked this late on the weekend thread, but does anyone have any suggestions/tricks/tips/stories for cold wax? I’ve never waxed my legs before and am trying to cold wax later this week (probably tomorrow, actually). I bought the Veet one, because a) it was a recognizable (in a good way) brand to me and b) it was one of the few options at the store. I know when I researched them (a while ago), the Veet one seemed to be good.

I use veet. And to supplement the wipes they provide, or if I run out, I rub olive oil on my skin after waxing. It gets the stickiness out like a charm. Oh, and rub the waxing strips between your palms before you prise them apart.

I do the Veet every now and then. It doesn’t really seem to get all the hair off my legs (or maybe I am just bad at it), but I see it as a means to reduce the hair so I can get away longer in between shaving. Ditto the olive oil rec, the cleaning packets are just mineral oil that I can tell. I get a few tiny bumps but nothing major and it goes away in a few days.

I use wax strips pretty often and those are easy – you just warm them up between your palms. Exfoliate before and after. I have never tried them on my legs but make sure your hair is at least 1/3in long so the wax has something to grab.

Related threadjack to BigLaw Optimist above. I’m interviewing for a position that manages creatives and is generally in a creative industry (think marketing, graphic design, website development, etc.). The company has pictures of team members online, all wearing jeans/blazer, khakis/cardigan, etc., and this industry is generally pretty laid back. It’s in SF Bay area, so again, generally a more casual dress code. I’m thinking about a black sheath dress with a turquoise skinny belt, chunky turquoise/grey/black necklace, and conservative black pumps. Does this strike a “professional yet creative” tone for the interview? I don’t have a jacket to match the dress, so can I go without a jacket? Do a complimentary blazer? Cardigan? Like BigLaw, I don’t want to be too stuffy, but I don’t want them to think I’m not serious about the position. Company culture is extremely important to them, so I need to show that I’ll fit in.

I think what you’re planning sounds great. Is the necklace bright? It sounds like incorporating color is the way to go. If you can rock a sleeveless without your arms being distracting (in either the “Why aren’t those wings covered?” way, which is what I would look like, or a “Tickets to the gun show” way), then I think you’re okay, although I’d prefer a blazer. Non-matching doesn’t sound like it would a problem at all here. Good luck!

Your outfit sounds fine to me, though I do think the bare arms thing would be a little unusual… some of the C-levels of startups around here tend to be more conservative about some things, especially the C-levels who are immigrants. I’m thinking of my former Israeli and Indian bosses, specifically. I don’t think I ever had bare arms when I met with them. So throw a cardigan on over the dress, and wear the belt over the cardigan to cover arms as needed, or a non-matching blazer. Definitely +1 on using color.

The bare arms was my concern, but the dress comes just over my shoulder. It’s not quite cap sleeves, but definitely covers almost all of my neck/collarbone and all of my shoulder. It’s a high v-neck, but the chunky necklace covers most of the space between the top of the dress and my neck, and a knee-length hem, so definitely not showy at all. My upper arms would be bare though. I’m interviewing with two different women, both in their 40s.

Thanks, good luck to you too! I totally agree with the HR dress code advice :) Interviewing seems like such a game anyways, I mean, I can whoever you want me to be. You want fun, laid back creative? I’ve got a bright turquoise skirt, animal print cardi, and faux snake skin heels on stand-by. Buttoned-up, conservative professional? Pant or skirt suit with pearl studs is ready to go! This is also difficult because I’m flying in for a day to interview, so I need to be somewhat comfortable on the plane, but ready to step off and interview within an hour of landing. Cheers to getting new jobs :)

Agree on the HR advice. With both your posts I was thinking “I have absolutely no idea what I’d ever wear to an interview if it wasn’t a navy skirt suit and white shirt!” Good thing I’m a DC securities lawyer! Nothing says stuffy like DC. Or securities. Or lawyer.

I brought the entire bag of goldfish crackers into work rather than pouring some into a ziploc baggie. If I don’t eat at least half of this bag today (and then feel really gross and indigested) its going to be a miracle.

I’d be impressed if I could have a full bag of a snack w/ me and only eat half. I tend to polish off entire bags of chips, boxes of cereal, bags of nuts, generally anything I can reach and stuff in my mouth from my desk.

Pour a reasonable amount out now and then store the rest in the office kitchen or in a friends office, somewhere where you have to walk to go get them. Sometimes my laziness and/or embarrassment overcomes my desire to snack. Plus, if they get stolen or eaten, well then I feel like I’ve learned my lesson.

Hush, I refuse to accept these comments. As far as I’m concerned, they’re all single-serve bag. Unless they’re Family Sized. Then that’s a bag for 2 people. I have a minor in Math, I know what I’m talking about.

I realize that this does not help you, but it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one who has to pre-portion her snacks.

Once I pulled a very late night at the office and ate an ENTIRE box of white cheddar cheez-its (for “dinner”). Do you know what is worse than being at the office at 2am? Being at the office at 2am with the knowledge that you just ate a million calories worth of artificial cheese/carb stuff and absolutely zero nutrition. Not my finest hour, all around.

I just cannot have big boxes of this kind of stuff around when I’m working at my desk.

My weakness is olives, I will literally eat the entire jar/can of black and green olives, garlic-stuffed, jalepeno-stuffed, greek marinated, you name, I will polish them off in one sitting. When we host family, I generally make one full recipe of olive salad for all the guests to share, and one full recipe for just me. Olives don’t stand a chance in my fridge! Man, now I REALLY want something with olives for lunch…

Oh goodness, I did that with m&ms yesterday. I don’t even _like_ m&ms! I brought them in for someone at work, but she wasn’t here…and I got irritated…it was horrible. I also had a huge thing of peanuts that I just JUST! finally parceled out into baggies and I am slightly appalled and saddened at how small the servings are :-(

I do that too! Salt and Vinager potato chips are a problem for me. I only keep Larabars and fruit at my desk because of it! Ok, that isn’t quite true – I keep a bar of 60%+ dark chocolate and a jar of almond butter in here. If I’m really crashing, a square of dark chocolate with almond butter usually saves me.

Actually, here in NYC, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at what happened to our local Duane Reader chain once Walgreens acquired it. They’ve taken what used to be dingy, dirty, disorganized and understaffed stores and turned at least some of them into glittering, well-staffed and beautifully laid out full-service pharmacies with groceries, beauty bars, on-site physicians and more.

Is it just me, or does that shirt look super-sheer? Not sure if it’s just my screen, but it definitely looks like it needs a cami underneath…

Ladies, I need a little advice. I had a job interview in the last week of May, which went really well. The hiring manager said that he couldn’t give me much of a timeline wrt when I’d hear back because another office needs to sign off on things, but he also implied that the job was in the bag. It’s been three weeks and I haven’t heard a peep. Granted, I know from a friend who works there that several important people in the department have been on vacation one after another, but I still can’t help but freak out. Should I send an email following up? (And any advice on the wording? I’ve never needed to write an email like this…)

I would definitely send an email! Reiterate how much you enjoyed the opportunity to interview and learn more about the company / position. Tell them you are very interested and would like an update on the status of your application. Finish by letting them know you are available for further discussion or to provide any additional information they might need.

A follow-up would be fine. Coalea’s advice above is sound. It took 6 weeks for me to get a recent offer and it was all due to internal company procedures. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do at this point. I wouldn’t mention the other companies unless you have another offer with a deadline. Then you can work it into conversation if necessary. Otherwise, you are just adding stress to a hiring manager who is himself waiting on someone else.

Thoughts on how formal a jersey dress can be? I am looking at some long jersey dresses that are listed as formal, but I just am not sure that they’re appropriate for actual formal events, like an evening wedding.

Ego advice:
A great company contacted me for a position.
I was not in the market but I still accepted to send in my resume and went to the first and second interview.
I didn’t get a response for 3 weeks so I sent an email saying I would like to know whether the recruiting process was conclusive. (just to get this out of my head).
I have just gotten an email from their HR saying roughly:
“we thank you for your interest In company X, unfortunately your application was not retained, we will keep your resume on our database for future reference”

My knee jerk reaction is to say: I didn’t apply, you head hunted me. I hate it so bad that they make it look as though I was the one asking for the job.
I know that in this tough economy I sound like an ungrateful brat, but I am a bit upset though I might be over-reacting.
I am 99% sure that I didn’t get the offer because my asking price was outside of the budget.. but then again it was intended because I was not going to leave my current job unless I had a no-miss offer.

What is a very polite answer to such emails.
I was thinking something along this:

Oups, got cut off writing.
I want to remind them politely that they extended an offer and not me. but I don’t want to sound too full of myself. (Unfortunately, I am in a field where you have to brag to get a reputation in the market) so cannot be modest.

I don’t know that I would respond to remind them. Just because someone headhunted you to interview doesn’t mean you are guaranteed the job. It seems like sour grapes to me. It was probably a standard letter sent out by HR.

If I did respond, I would say something like,

“Thank you again for the opportunity. Company seems like a great place to work, and I appreciated Headhunter contacting me about the open position and enjoyed meeting with Big Boss and Boss in the interviews. If there are similar positions available in the future, please feel free to contact me.”

I can understand why you feel like your time has been wasted but it could be any number of things, including a reversal of the company’s decision to fill the position because of budget or some such.

Don’t react while you are feeling ruffled. Once you cool off, have a think about sending a email to whichever one of the interviewers you felt the most empathy with, something like “I enjoyed our meeting the other day but I now I understand from your HR team that the position we discussed is no longer open. Let me know if it would be appropriate to give you a call to understand what happened.”

I wouldn’t mention that it was their company that approached you in the first place – it will only make the recipient feel awkward, defensive and inclined to get HR involved. Whereas if you come across as calm but interested, chances are that you will at least emerge with a new contact who may be useful in the future.

London TJ – I’m jumping the pond for business in September and staying a few extra days to visit family and shop ;) While I’ve been there quite often, that was before I was more fashion-inclined. I guess my main question is this, if you could only go to one store, what would it be and what would you buy there? Also, what UK department store is considered the Nordstrom equivalent, or close to? Thanks!

Others will have better advice re. fashion forward shops as my wardrobe is limited to Monsoon and the Gap (so American) but John Lewis, John Lewis, John Lewis. It’s the most wonderful place in the world. I buy anything from appliances to tea to shoes there.

You have come to the right place! I lived in London for several years and just returned from a shopping junket there!

I would not pick one store, but one “shopping area”–Oxford Street/Regent Street or Covent Garden. Notting Hill is a good third. If the weather’s bad, head to one of the Westfield malls in Central London.

I love Whistles, Jigsaw, Hobbs, Karen Millen, LK Bennett. UK Department stores are different than US ones in that they have “boutiques” of each brand all in one place. Selfridges trends younger and is hipper than say, Harrod’s. I also really love Brown’s. So, if you want one department store, Selfridges. I also like Marks and Spencer for lingerie and underpinnings (camisoles and the like), but their clothes are not super-cute relative to the other places I mentioned.

There’s great shopping on Oxford Street between Marble Arch and Regent Street (along the central line) and then down Regent Street toward Picadilly Circus. Covent Garden (there’s a tube stop called that on the Picadilly Line in Central London) is also great and has a ton of the best stores. I also enjoy shopping in Notting Hill.

If you like button downs, head to Hawes and Curtis on Jermyn Street (off Regent Street) or Austin Reed (upstairs on Regent Street).

If you want to get some very British brands, go for a splurgy cashmere sweater at Brora or Pringle (which is Scottish, actually).

Enjoy!

PS–If more time, head to London Borough Market, the Cabinet War Rooms, the Tate Modern/Tate, National Gallery and Sir John Soane’s house. Those are all my favorite places.

If even more time, try Canterbury, Stonehenge/Avebury, Oxford or Cambridge or Bath for a day trip.

I usually eat nothing before the workout, but then I’ll have a big breakfast afterward. I like either Greek yogurt mixed with cereal and berries (one cup of each), a Trader Joe’s cinnamon raisin bagel with peanut butter and skim milk to drink, or hard-boiled eggs, toast, and fruit.

If I’m on the go, I’ll grab the Starbucks spinach/feta wrap or turkey bacon/egg white breakfast sandwich. Both are filling and relatively healthy. And then I’ll have an iced latte with skim milk mid-morning.

I am all over this thread. Goodness. Before workout, a glass of kefir or a fage. My favorite after workout meal is a homemade protein shake, with protein powder, almond milk, and frozen sliced bananas all blended up. Frozen sliced bananas turn into this crazy creamy and thick texture when blended (the best tip I got from Pinterest), so it really and truly has the mouthfeel of a milkshake. Totally amazing.

Depends on the workout, but usually only water before. When I doing long distance training runs I would have a granola bar or banana. After, I usually have oatmeal, fruit, eggs. I keep natural peanut butter, wasa crackers, and greek yogurt at my office, so if I’m super rushed I’ll get to the office and eat at my desk. I definintely make sure I get protein in some form.

Before, usually just water. If it’s going to be a longer run or I’ve already been awake for a while, fresh or dried fruit. Afterward, iced coffee with skim milk always, and usually one of the following:
* Hard-boiled egg and either half a pumpernickel bagel or wheat toast
* Grilled deli ham and half bagel or toast
* Turkey bacon and toast
* Peanut butter on toast
* Yoghurt and granola w/ raisins
* (On weekends:) Scrambled egg tacos with corn tortillas, cheddar and tomatillo salsa

Ooh, tricky one. Maybe reach out this afternoon based on your calendar? Say something like, “I have a meeting that ends at 5, and can meet you any time after that.” Or, if you aren’t geographically close, perhaps reach out and say “Let me know when you would like to meet, it will take me about 20 minutes to get to your office from where I am.” That way you are still open to and facilitating the discussion and letting them know your parameters without pressing on their schedule too hard?

I started using a Clarisonic on my skin a few months ago and changed my skin care products, and feel like it has made a world of difference. The problem now is that I think my makeup looks more like a mask (read BAD), especially since I have had really bad rosacea in the past that is now more under control. My routine is very basic – MAC Studio Fix, MAC lipstick, and that is about it. For more formal make-up I add mascara and a little eye shadow.

Any recommendations on favorite make-up brands or products for sensitive skin? I don’t want to go too heavy, and mineral make-ups make my skin itch. Thanks!

Maybe it’s the way you apply make up
I used to have acne and always used MAC studio fix;
Now that my skin has cleared up, I use a brush to apply it on (kabuki MAC 182) and the application is more even and less cakey.

I find MAC products tend to be a bit heavy generally. I think that might be creating your “mask” problem. I would say either try to lighten up on application and make sure you blend well (if you’re still applying your makeup in the same way and amount that you were when you were trying to cover up bad skin), or go for a lighter product. For super super light, I actually just use MAC blotting powder as a sheer overall powder. Aside from that I only use concealer under my eyes and lightly around my nose. You might want to look beyond MAC though – maybe a tinted moisturizer if you prefer liquid, or a lighter powder. Go to Sephora and ask for free samples of a few to try (they will give you 3 samples in any visit). Good luck :) Also make sure you are washing your brushes regularly and using the right brush! (A big powder brush should give you even/light coverage.)

Second the washing your brushes.
I spot clean my brushes after every use for face/eye brushes and every 3/4 uses for powder brushes.
Then a deep clean with baby shampoo and hand sanitizer mixture every 2 weeks

My derm gave me Finacea cream, but I can only use it every other night. Otherwise my skin gets super oily and uncomfortable.

I was a big skeptic of the Clarisonic because of sensitivity, but am a convert now. The gentle brush is best for me, and I use it every other night. My skin is a lot more clear and consistent, plus fewer breakouts and red spots all over. Also, the texture of my skin is a lot better (had large pores around my nose, less noticeable now).

For products, I’ve tried just about everything on the market, grocery store brands, department store brands, “luxury” brands, just about everything I’ve seen I’ve tried. Some products did nothing or made my skin worse, others smelled really bad to me. Even products for sensitive skin (CeraVe, etc.) did not help.

I finally found Evan Healy products at Whole Foods. First I tried her blue lavender cleanser and cream, which did not work so well for me. Then I switched to the Rose Cleansing Milk, Rose Petal Hydrosol, and Rose Vetiver Day Moisturizer, and what a difference. My skin is happy (did not realize how much other products were making my face “ache”), and the fragrance is wonderful. I’ve tried a couple of her serums and am not convinced they are adding any benefits for me. Her whipped shea butter is also great on my chickenskin arms.

Because I suspect the products sit on the shelf at Whole Foods for a while, I’ve started ordering from her website – www.evanhealy.com. I live less than 100 miles north of where they are so I get my products in a day or two. I would highly recommend checking them out, especially for anyone who has tried everything else.

The Clarisonic is amazing! I’ve been using it for a year and have noticed a significant difference (for the better) in my skin. My favorite foundation is Makeup Forever HD. If you can get to Sephora you can try it out and see what colors work best for your skin.