Like this:

I miss you; I love you, I wish you were here, but am more grateful that you are free. I feel you beside me in each step I take; I know it is you who gives me strength. You’ve allowed me to leg go of the fears…that I will forget the sound of your voice, your laughter, your smile, your blue, blue eyes, your arms wrapped ’round me like a shield. As we promised each other long ago…together forever, never let go.

Time passes.

First in seconds. Later in minutes.

Then an hour goes by, and I am still here.

Slowly I begin to notice days.

I got stuck at days.

Eventually, I was living through weeks.

Then one day, a month had passed.

Today I look back on five years of living without you.

Past the time it took for the shock and denial to subside.

Past the time it took for the anger to fade into pure pure sadness.

Guilt still follows nearby, clawing at me, pulling me down.

When I need to fight it, I listen to your voice, the sweetest sound I know.