How do I feel about a second baby?

Don’t panic everyone, I’m not pregnant with our second baby!

I’m only seven (nearly eight) months into motherhood, so no need to rush into the whole shebang again. And I don’t plan on rushing.

But still, I can’t help but dwell on the prospect of baby number two. I mean, I’ve always been completely sure that I want at least two children. My husband, as an only child, would be more than happy to stop at our one, amazing baby. But having two sisters myself, I know that having siblings is quite possibly the best thing ever.

As a parent of my fantastic little girl, I’ve finally experienced the level of love that I had only ever heard about from other mothers. And nothing rivals it.

But I’ve found myself feeling hesitant about expanding that love

My family and friends must think I’m mad recently as I’ve been asking everyone the same question – ‘do you really love the second baby as much as the first?‘

I know it sounds ridiculous, but when I try to imagine sharing the immense feelings I have for my daughter with another human being, it seems impossible. It’s almost like sharing that love would mean demoting my daughter from her spot as number one in my heart.

I’ve been reassured countless times that you do feel exactly the same for all of your children – and I’m sure that’s true – but picturing the scenario feels like I’m cheating on my baby. Yep, I’m having an affair with her non-existent sibling (that sounds weird, but you know what I mean!).

I’m sure I will love my second baby – but for now, I guess I should focus on enjoying every second of the girl who stole my heart!

OK, so when’s the best time for a second baby?

Right, so now I’ve made peace with the fact that I’ll probably quite like baby number two, the big question is – when?

I don’t know what age gap is best, and how to fit it in around life. Do I buy the house first? Get a promotion at work? Wait until this one is off to Uni before starting again!?

I liked being close in age to my sister growing up (yes, the good old fraudster!) and so I think that would be an important factor. But what with returning to work and getting on the property ladder also being high on my priority list, I feel a bit stumped.

I like to be the one who has everything all figured out, but sometimes I need to remember to let go of the reins a little and stop panicking. In reality, there is plenty of time for number two (who I may or may not like – heart depending) – it’s irrational to put a time limit on it.

All I know for sure is that right now, I’m not ready. Both emotionally (quite clearly from this waffling post) and practically. But someday soon, or in the far flung distance, I will be.

And there’s nothing my husband can do to stop it!

Please let me know in the comments below the age gaps of your children and why you chose those gaps (oh, and if you love them all obvs) so I can sort my head out!

21 Comments

Chris Woodman

July 19, 2017 / 7:22 am

The sound of noise and commotion coming from the kitchen, knowing that they’re both playing with cars on the floor racing each other slowly goes quieter and quieter, giggles start to become more muffled and you take a moment to look up from the newspaper you’re reading and glance over toward the door; not saying anything but listen intently.

The commotion has definitely stopped now and there are sounds of instructions being given out by eldest sibling to his younger more impressionable brother, scraping of chairs being moved and the noise of the ‘step-stool’ being placed on the floor.

Wondering what is happening you move quietly over to the doorway and glance around to find youngest of the children on the work surface holding about 5 eggs as best as he can, with your first born son raiding the biscuit tin for them both – momentary panic whilst trying to get the eggs off the young one whilst trying to not make him jump thus dropping everything.

Mission succeeded, another 10 minutes of the day negotiated – glance at the clock and its 7:08am…

To sum up – you must have another one, sibling rivalry/teamwork has been an absolute joy to watch for us as parents 😁

Oh lovely! You will love another as much as your first. It’s so hard to imagine it it just happens. I have 2 years, 1 month between mine and I love that as teens, they are very close. They are friends which I never thought would happen!! I have loved having 2 children and I sometimes wish that we had more children (although not at the toddler, newborn Stage!). I promise you that you will love every child that you have but enjoy the time with your first as you will never again have that time to just enjoy one child. Take care. Xx

I have exactly the same age gap with one of my sisters and we are both still close friends now as adults! Ah I’m so glad to hear that – I will make sure I enjoy my little one as an only child as much as possible now x

I’m the youngest of 5, and growing up I was closest to my sister in age of 2yrs. But now we’re all close and talk almost daily!
My eldest is almost 7, and my youngest is 1.5 – but with another due in sept so there’ll be 19months between the younger 2! (I’ll let you know how that goes lol.) – but tbh the big gap between the first two is lovely, Lily helps out all the time and plays with William quite happily! I think it’s just when it’s right for you, but if you try to plan it, it’ll never happen! Xx

True – I think I’m overthinking it, which is never helpful! Ah 19 months is pretty cool – hopefully they’ll be close as they grow up! I like the idea of having a Lily to help out though too. Haha see, you’ve got me overthinking again 😂

We have almost 8 years between Grace and Oliver and some days it’s lovely and some days it’s awful. He’s great with her but he also wants her to do a lot more than she can. He likes to play with her but sometimes gets too absorbed in his game and wonders why she cries when she’s not got his attention.
I have also thought about another (which I never thought I would as one was initially enough for me!) but I think financially and practically I would wait until Grace got the government funded childcare (so 3 years old) as there’s no way we could afford nursery fees for two, and I would still get some 1 to 1 time with the new Baby when she was at nursery and I was off work. Hope that makes sense!!!
Oh, and I still love Oliver just the same, I worry though he may not think so sometimes as Grace is so clingy and takes up a lot of my time (being a baby and everything 😂) x

Really enjoyed this post. I have a three year old and feel completely ready to have another. Would have loved one sooner but it wasn’t meant to be. I understand how you feel in regards to love. I look at my little boy and wonder how I could ever love someone else as much. Thing is when you do decide to have another child you just will x #dreamteam

Thank you Claire! I think the fact you feel completely ready is probably the bit I’m missing right now – trying to speed up something that’s not right at the moment is probably why I feel all in a muddle! I’m sure the minute there’s another one in the picture, it’ll all fall into place x

Hehe the last bit made me giggle ‘if you love them (obvs)’ haha. 1 or 10 it’s all bloody chaos but don’t wait until you’re elderly like me (33) to have another, my old creaking bones can’t run after my kids they way they used to! All joking aside, can I also say that I feel your pain with your hubby being an only child…mine is too and he still has issues with sharing 😂 Always love reading your work MTM xx

Haha thank you lovely!! Pahaha jeez grandma, I’m not going to wait another 20 years until I’m your age (which I realise would make me a 13 year old mother 🙈) – elderly, who are you kidding!? Haha it’s such a pain isn’t it!? My husband is hands down a spoilt brat sometimes x

People told me the old classic “Your love isn’t halved, it doubles.” … and they were absolutely spot on! 4 days short of 2 years difference with ours and the first year or two were hard work, I’m not gonna lie! 😉 Absolutely worth it for us though. Yes they fight over nonsense, but they also can’t imagine being apart and they are best friends. When we go away or for days out they are partners in crime and they always have each other. It gives me all the warm and fuzzies. Doooo it. 😉💕 xx

Awww I think a second baby would just add to the whole experience in such a positive way. I mean, why stop at one cutie when you can have two. I had a dreadful experience when having my one and only, if this hadn’t have happened, I am sure we would of had more. #DreamTeam xx

Funny reading this as I had all those thoughts when it was just Theo. 2 year age gap between my 2. Esme is now 6 weeks old and it’s not too bad….. we are all still alive! And yes, I do love them both unconditionally!

Oh you’ve picked the cutest names (and have the cutest babies FYI!). 2 years really seems to be the magic gap… So glad to hear you were thinking the same! I suppose it’s impossible to imagine until it’s a reality. Hope it stays running smoothly for you!! X

I also have two sisters and my husband is an only child, so I do feel a slight regret about my daughter being an only child. But there’s nothing we can do about that really. You have plenty of time to wait for the second, focus on your other priorities first, and of course you’ll love them both! #dreamteam
By the way, that was a really misleading title – I was ready to congratulate you!

Hi there, my name is Lucy and I live with my husband and baby daughter in the Midlands. Muffin top mummy is where I share all my sensible thoughts on the joys of parenting and the celebration of love-handles.
info@muffintopmummy.com