5-MAPB: 12 mg, insufflated (insignificant, it hurt too much so I ceased the snorting)

The night begins at approximately 8 pm.

8pm- I ingest the BisFluoromodafinil (let’s call it BFM for the sake of brevity) to help keep me awake for finishing my schoolwork. I begin to work on my Calculus homework.

11pm- My mother comes home, and we get into an argument about something unrelated to school and drugs. This argument leaves me quite angry and frustrated. I have various anxiety and depression related disorders, so let us just say that I do not handle my anger very well. I cannot sleep, mostly because of the BFM, but partially my anger as well. I decide I want to get massively fucked up and forget the problems I have been stressed about lately.

12am- I insufflate about 5 mg of 3-MeO-PCP, and then decide it hurts too much so I whip out my 0.001g scale and begin to measure out approximately 15 mg. I pour out way too much because my hands are shaking, ending with approximately 85 mg, to which I say, fuck it, what is the worst that could happen? Bear in mind, I had no tolerance to dissociatives, and this was the first disso I had ingested in over a month. After this, I begin to insufflate 5-MAPB, but it hurts this time, and I put it all away because my nose hurts too bad to want to do anything but sleep.

12:30 am- My nose has stopped hurting, and I realize I have never combined a psychedelic and a dissociative before. I had five strips of LSD in pieces of foil, I retrieve one and open it, intending to take only one tab, but this is precisely when the 3-MeO-PCP kicked in. Now, my blotters were not perforated, and difficult to separate without scissors. Feeling the first wave of dissociation, I begin to lose the ability to move my hands correctly and fail to rip the blotters. I ingested all five tabs; I know this because I saw the empty foil on my ground some time later. Unfortunately, at the precise moment, I put the tabs in my mouth is when my memory ends.

??am- My memory begins again sometime later. I cannot tell you what time it is because I have the lost the ability to read a digital clock. As I attempt to read it, the numbers swiftly move out of my vision, and then back. This happens constantly. I attempt to look at my phone but could not turn it on. I finally notice something a bit damp in my bed. Later, I would realize I was lying in a pool of vomit, mostly comprised of stomach acid. I had not eaten since 6 pm the night before. I attempt to stand up. As I do this, I realize I have lost the ability of depth perception, and I trip on my nightstand and fall onto the ground. I do not feel much, and walking makes no sense to me. I somehow manage to drag myself back onto my bed, where I begin to vomit again. My body is in a fetal position, convulsing with each hurl, which is nonstop. My stomach hurts greatly from the excessive vomiting. At some point, I chewed on a piece of regurgitated food, unknowingly, thinking it tasted rather odd. I was intrigued, by this, and continued nibbling, until I vomited again and I realized what it was, as more of the same material had just emerged from my mouth. My memory after this merely consists of me vomiting and writhing in my bed for hours.

5:30 am- I finally can read the clock! I get up, as I have school at 7:10 am, and sit at the breakfast table in the dark, in a random skirt I threw on real quick and possibly a bra. I cannot remember if I covered my top half. My mother comes out at 6 am. She is crying about something. I do not remember what our conversation was about, but eventually, she went to take a shower, and I did not move from the chair during this time. She comes out and hands me my daily medicine, and then goes to her room, presumably to get changed. I ingest the pills and proceed to the kitchen sink where I immediately threw up six times in quick succession. I go to my room, and take the disgusting sheets and throw them in the washing machine. When my mother comes out, I tell her I am very sick and have vomited a lot. She helps me start the washing machine. I then enter the bathroom, where I stay for 25 minutes. I had to urinate extremely bad, but nothing would come out. My bladder begins to ache severely. I forget I am in the bathroom until my mother knocks on the door asking if I am alright. I tell her I am having trouble urinating, and will be out for a minute. When I look in the mirror, I see a disheveled, dirty girl with a morphing face and am rather disturbed. I begin crying, as I believe I have reached a very low point in my life and that I have just become some useless junkie.

6:20 am- I still think I will be going to school at this time, so I ingest a pill of Adderall that I found in the pocket of my skirt. Nothing happens for five minutes. Getting worried that I am tripping too much, I had heard that if you ingest benzos, it will stop a trip. What I didn’t know was that this meant you would be going to sleep. I had just presumed I would stop hallucinating. Bear in mind; I am still very much peaking on the LSD at this point. Now, I had no tolerance to benzos either. I vaguely remembered I had some 500μg tabs of Clonazolam somewhere. I assumed that one tab was a decent dose, not knowing that was actually at the upper end of the strong dosage range. I put a single tab under my tongue. I feel nothing for five minutes and begin to panic, so again I say fuck it and throw two more tabs in my mouth.

6:30 am- I have sat back down in my chair at the table, and put my head down because I am getting tired. I tell my mom that I will need to stay home that day and she agrees. She tells me I will be much more comfortable in the recliner since she could see I was tired. I agree and go down. I instantly black out.

??am- Now, everything after this point until about 8 pm is merely what my mother told me had happened. I have a few bits and pieces later on, but mostly my memory is shot. She told me after some amount of time of me sleeping in the chair she tried to wake me up to take me to a normal doctors office. When I would not wake, she began to get worried and decided I needed to go to the urgent care center. She is too weak to carry me, so essentially she dragged me down about 25 stairs to the ground level. Apparently, once we got off the stairs, I stood up and said, "ok let's go to the car," and walked all the way to my seat, and then fell asleep again.

We arrive at the urgent care center, but I would not wake up, and she could not drag me across the pavement. She goes in to talk to the doctors, and they come out to see me but say that they cannot touch me without my consent. They tell my mom to take me to the emergency room. We arrive at the emergency room, and I am taken on a stretcher somewhere, presumably still in just a bra (or not) and a miniskirt.

I wake up apparently, and the doctors ask me what happened. I told them I had ingested Clomethiazole to help me sleep because BFM was keeping me up. Now, for those who aren’t familiar, clomethiazole is a very old prescription sedative drug used briefly back in the 40s-60s ish. I had obtained this drug legally through a Clearnet RC vendor and told my mom it was a supplement to aid my sleep when I got it. So, the reason for telling the doctors this was probably because I wanted to cover my ass and not admit to drug usage, but at the same time give them something plausible to go off of. Presumably, I probably had realized I would be fine after the clonazolam had worn off and I woke up, I would just have to ride it out. The doctors, of course, had no idea what the fuck kind of drug clomethiazole was, so apparently I even spelled it out for them to google it. I do not remember what she said happened after that, the next thing I do remember is waking up in an ER bed, comfy, still having to pee like a motherfucker (it has been about 15 hours at this point since my last successful urination). Someone offered me a delicious burger and milk, my favorite drink. I devoured them quickly and then feel asleep. I woke up again later, and the same thing happened. This time I stayed awake for a little while, and a toxicologist came in to run tests. We had a conversation about research chemicals, where he was attempting to dissuade me from using them ever again. I concurred that some were dangerous, the likes of MDMB-FUBINACA had killed many, but if used responsibly, had a therapeutic benefit(I clearly did not understand the irony of my argument at the time). We naturally argued until he left. My mother then told me that we had the exact conversation an hour before. Crazy.

I fall asleep and wake up to a male nurse who says he is going to help me pee. I say okay, not sure what he meant, and then he proceeds to insert a catheter into my vagina. This was entirely unexpected, as I did not realize I no longer had my skirt on, and for other obvious reasons. This is very uncomfortable and hurts greatly, but I begin to urinate. I thank him, as he is doing it, with his hands in my vagina, and tell him I also have had problems with achieving an orgasm, was there anything I could do to make that happen? This was entirely innocent and serious question, just at the wrong time to the wrong person. I still had the LSD headspace at this time. He made a very odd face and told me something along the lines of “talk to your GP doctor about that, not me.” I realize the implications of what I had just said, and turn very red, as I also realize the nurse is quite attractive. I am embarrassed beyond belief. I do not remember much else except I was finally let out of the ER at 9 pm and went home, and then slept. I felt very foggy and mentally impaired as if my IQ had dropped 40 points, for the next five days. Then one morning I woke up and felt fine and went to school, and that was the end of that. No lasting problems developed.

Obviously, there were a great many mistakes made on this journey. This actual trip itself was mostly unpleasant, and I had no spiritual moments, just a general lack of coherent thoughts for much of it. Someday I will revisit 3-MeO-PCP and LSD, at sane dosages, but I have been quite fearful of this for a while now. A month after this experience, I resumed normal drug usage again, which is to say, mostly new research chemicals I sample and then move on, and have been fine and remained at a responsible level of usage, having no real issues with this one.