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The year is 2025. The camera pans down Coronation Street to see that there are many For Sale boards outside the houses. In the middle of the street, Ken and Rita meet by chance. Rita says, "Oh hello, Ken. Good to see a familiar face for a change."

"I know what you mean, Rita," Ken replies, "So many people gone. Apart from you and me, there's only that nice Pat Phelan and Eileen left from the old days. Of course, a few newcomers have moved in, but they don't seem to last long. I've never known so many murders as we've had in the last few years. Even in the time of Richard Hillman we saw nothing like this."

"Yes," nods Rita in agreement, "and yet somehow the police can't seem to get to the bottom of it. It's all very mysterious. People won't move in out of fear."

Ken looks around. "Do you remember, Rita, when this was a thriving little community? Now the Rover's Return is closed. We have no corner shop or newsagent. Roy's Rolls closed up and even the kebab shop gone. No-one to work there and no customers. It's all very sad."

Suddenly Pat Phelan came out of his front door brandishing a gun, which he pointed at Rita and shot her dead. He then went back indoors where Eileen made him a nice cup of tea. Ken immediately phoned the police and told them what had happened. After a couple of hours a police car turned up and two policemen got out. Ken showed them Rita's body.

"Well well, yet another murder in Coronation Street," said the first policeman, "it's all very mysterious."

"No it isn't," said Ken, "I saw exactly what happened."

"Oh right," said the other policeman. "In that case, we'll be round to ask for a statement in due course."

When the police still hadn't been round in two weeks, Ken rang the station to ask when they were coming to take his statement. The voice at the other end said, "Oh, sorry, we won't be sending anyone round. We've decided there's no point. We've put the murder down to just one of those things. We won't be investigating any further. You look after yourself Mr Barlow."

Just as he put the phone down, Pat Phelan burst into his house and shot him dead."

Back home, Eileen made him another cup of tea and said, "So it's just you and me now, Pat. I'm so lucky to have you. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

I dont know whether I should attempt to revive it with a suitably ridiculous storyline or just let sleeping dogs lie when I realised that this even means they have killed Eccles. Maybe an investigation by the RSPCA will have more results than the soap peelers