If I ever make a movie, it’s going to start with a white-on-black placard announcing that this film adheres to the “Dogme 95 Manifesto”.

But then once the movie starts, I’m gonna have it violate the hell out of that shit.

I’m gonna use dubbed voices, artificial lighting, crane-mounted cameras. Voice-overs. Tricky editing. There’s gonna be green screens and CGI all over the place. Especially CGI. I’ll use CGI where it’s not even needed, like, if a guy’s kitchen doesn’t have a toaster in it, I’ll just CGI that sucker in there.

And here’s the kicker, the guy never even uses the toaster at all!

And then at the end after all the credits have rolled, I’ll show “Dogme 95″ again just for the hell of it. I may even give “Special Thanks” to “Dogme 95″.