Hi, I have a huge favor to ask. If you could go to the linked article and answer the four questions with "staplers", in complete sentences, and maybe attach a cute picture of yourself with a stapler, I'd really appreciate it. I've been a fan of this group since the 90s, and they've never had a song even mention staplers. It'd be a dream come true for me if it happened.

It's a truly transcendent experience very comparable to the feeling you had when you received your first stapler in life. That's just hard to describe but if yours was a Swingline you know what I mean.

Q3. When do you feel truly alive, and what does it mean to be alive?

When I'm using my stapler, of course.You couldn't be alive and a sentient being without being able to use a stapler. Unless you were handicapped and that would just be so damn sad.

My friend used to staple his sheet music together. One day he realized that the song was printed on both the front and the back of the pages.Boy was he embarrassed. Improper stapler use is quite revealing about a person, don't you think?

I've been trying to get in contact with Kate Upton, and I keep getting these pesky cease and desist orders. Can someone hook me up with her so I can take her to a hockey game, get a bite to eat, and engage in a little light bondage?

subby, you are an odd one, but farkers have "helped" me out before so...

Q #1 To staple a million dollars to my wall that holds all my various staplesQ #2 Love is to a stapler what a staple is to paper (?)Q #3 To be stapling away with my trusty stapler because I am unique in my staple existence. Staple!Q #4 Staple me a song, not a sad song, but an upbeat staple song instead! Please include as many staplers and staples as possible!

Q1. What do you want more than anything else in the world?For Swingline staplers to get off their high horse and donate to lesser staplers across the world.

Q2. What does it mean to love?To staple every bit of one's body, mind, and spirituality to another being.

Q3. When do you feel truly alive, and what does it mean to be alive?Holding my staple gun, stapling insulation to the walls to provide warmth and security from the vicious attacks of the outside world. To have the power to join forces is to truly be alive.

Q4. What's your message for Morning Musume? Write whatever is on your mind! Every day you wake up you must ask yourself, "Where would we be without staplers?"

Now sing that to yourself, over and over and over, in that high pitch Japanese 'kawaii' girly voice.

Over.And over.and over. All day. Everyday. Non-stop. When you are trying to sleep. When you are trying to read. When you are having sex... ok this is Fark, that last one won't be happening, but you get my point.

Only then will you know the true joy of Seppuku.

\oh God, I really can't get it out of my head. Serves me right, I guess. GAAAAAH

1. I want to live in a world where everyone has a nice stapler. Its important to keep documents together.2. Paperclips and binder clips come in all kinds of colours, but only a stapler can really help one stay organised, and that is why I love them . It means reliability and a constant force for good.3. It means I am ready to hold reams of documents together, with one simple act.4. I think you should really consider how far humanity has come since we invented the staple, and the stapler.

Q1) More than anything else in the world, I want to trace my love like I trace the sensual lines of my Swingline staplerQ2) Loving means not bending under pressure like a bad staple in a brick.Q3) Being alive means using your stapler to punch through the difficult pages of your life and securing them tightly so they can be filed away forever.Q4) Without staplers, there is no order.