To everyone in here, particularly for those who replied my post (but also to the ones that read it):
Thank you very much for the time you took to read my silly post and for you answers.
It all makes sense, really, and I know in many ways I was being silly...I just felt like getting that out. I'd feel pretty weird going back to train without having said this first haha.
Thank you all so much, and I'm very excited about getting into Aikido for good and about sharing those experiences with all of you.