Is the person you’re with ready to fight fair?

Is the person you're with ready to fight fair?

Being open to sharing your feelings and accepting responsibility for them — rather than denying them by acting closed and defensive — is essential for developing a honest and deep relationship. We call it a fight fair because positions and arguments are delivered with love and respect.

Partners cannot even face conflicts without being open to accepting who they are and what they do to each other. Be aware and ask yourself: how this person of my interest reacts to a dispute?

The question to ask yourself is, "How does this person behave when in a conflict?"

Some people can show patience and understanding in normal interactions, until a conflict occurs. If and when there is an opposite view of what they think or want, they feel they are under attack, then they get angry, withdrawn, resistant, or overly compliant. You can have the "counterattack"response or you can have the hideous silent treatment. If he chooses to close up, how long does it take him to open again and treat you normally? And, when conversation starts again, is he willing to review and understand what happened to both of you, or is he too anxious to turn the page and leave all lessons behind?

If you can't have a conversation and extract some personal lessons from what happened, it's probable that:

a) it will happen again (and again!)

b) in the future you will be afraid of asking to have a deep conversation with him, because he will get upset or aggressive, or emotionally or physically abusive,

c) you will have to forget learning about his needs; or expressing your own needs...and the door to intimacy will be locked.

Being open to lovingly resolving conflict by having a sincere conversation with your partner is essential for learning the lessons that marriage offers about how to buildup trust and intimacy into a loving relationship.