Co-Author of DIVIDED MINDS: Twin Sisters and Their Journey Through Schizophrenia (St Martins Press, 2005) and award-winning poet (WE MAD CLIMB SHAKY LADDERS:POEMS coming Mar 2009) Pamela Spiro Wagner writes about schizophrenia, shares her poetry and artwork, comments on life and relates the ups and downs of her daily struggles with mental illness. You can reach her at pamwagg217@gmail.com For more about Pam click: [articles and poems ] HealthCentral Top Site Award Winner!

October 19, 2007

Home Again

Back, shaky, and exhausted. It will take some time before I get a longer entry started, but I wanted to explain that I was in a psychiatric hospital this time, not a unit of a general hospital...Left unwell, alas, but am doing okay nonetheless.

Thanks so much for all your comments on my last entry of September. I was hoping my sister would get a message of explanation to Brian for posting here, but it looks like that was not possible. Is anyone still out there?

Anyhow, I will be back in a while -- dunno how long exactly -- to retake up my postings. I hope to regain some readership eventually. Thanks again, everyone.

Comments

My Pammy,
I'm here too. I have been looking every day, fooling myself of course. I knew you must be "in the bin". I didn't want to believe it because I didn't have the strength to find you, send flowers, or any of the other things, fueled by my love for you, that I once had the energy to do. Despite my shame, I look to you as an example once more-my phoenix, rising from her ashes yet again. Raise high the roofbeams, Carpenters. Pammy has returned.
Lovingly, T3

Thank you, all of you...I am sorry my absence caused so much pain, even on a small scale. Odd, I always feel so alone, I never think about the sorrow I could cause you guys here, though in fact my pain at those moments is usually guilt over causing all the world's ills! I am sorry. I don't think then, not rationally, and that of course, in the problem.

Hi Pam,
I checked in with your sister and heard you were in a hospital. I am very glad you are back. (I am sure I am not the only one who is very glad for that). I look forward to reading what you have to share. Please take care (and take your time). I hope you can rest well.
Stuart

I am so happy to see your posting. I don't get to check in too regularly, but when I did I saw you were having such a hard time, I got worried. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Your bravery is inspiring and I hope you keep writing!! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your heart.

Glad to see that you're safe. Your friend Mr. 4th avenue blues was concerned for you and wrote a nice piece over on his site.
www.4thavenueblues.blogspot.com
Respectfully,
my blog name,
Crustybeef*~
*just a mom of three young boys that is trying to figure out who I am

Hi Pam,
Welcome home!!!! It was so good hear from you. I've been checking your blog every day and what a delight to see that you are feeling better!!! I'm looking forward to reading your postings. I know that you may need some time though, but at least you're home and can rest and take care of yourself. I know that it's not too much fun to be in the hospital and I know that it's not your favorite place either....relax, enjoy and feel well. love, sue m

Hi Pam, I just found your blog this morning and just wanted to send you a note. I hope you feel ok and have a chance to stand in the sunshine, breath fresh air and feel good. Sending good thoughts your way.
Brad

Welcome home. You might not remember me, but we had corresponded briefly last year about my daughter who was diagnosed a few years ago and was having med issues. We had attended your speech at Hartford hospital. I still read your blog but usually don't post replies.

I have the utmost respect for you and your struggles. I have been worried that the stress you have been under due to your friend's illness might send you over the edge, and when you went missing I have been very worried! . My best friend's husband has been dying of cancer for five years and it is hard for her to hold herself together. Please take care of yourself first. Know that many people care about you and send healing thoughts.