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Because I have either (a) been living under a rock, or (b) have only interacted with unmarried parents when they were fighting, I was not aware of an option biological fathers have to gain legal rights to their children: They can sign a voluntary declaration of paternity. If you and your significant other are on good terms when having a baby together, but NOT married, this is a way for the bio dad to be legally recognized as the child’s father right from birth. What this means is that bio dad has the same rights and responsibilities in relation to his child as bio mom does, as opposed to having ZERO rights in relation to his child. The parents’ status is as though they were married when the child was born.

What this does NOT mean: A voluntary declaration of paternity does NOT put in place custody and parent time for the parents, any more than being married gives one parent or another automatic custody and parent time orders. If you and your significant other break up, and you want to have something enforceable to address who gets to see or have custody of your child and when, you WILL need to go through a court action, just like if you’d been married and get divorced. These are called Custody and Paternity actions (even though paternity is already established).

Dad’s aren’t just for Disneyland, ya know…

An example of the benefits (or hazards, depending on which side you’re on) of having a voluntary declaration of paternity in place:

I recently became aware of a woman who had had a child with a former boyfriend. They had never been married, and dad hadn’t even been around for most of the kid’s life. Dad hadn’t paid child support ever, had moved out of state, and went long periods of time without any contact with the child at all. BUT, when the child was born, mom and dad were still in love, and they signed a voluntary declaration of paternity at the hospital, along with all the other forms they have you sign when you have a baby in a hospital. It was done in conjunction with the form that you fill out to get a birth certificate issued.

Dad and Mom hadn’t been together in years. Mom was living with a new boyfriend; Dad was living with a new girlfriend. An incident occurred in Mom’s life that caused DCFS to get involved with the child. The State was NOT going to take the child out of Mom’s custody over this, however. But Dad got wind of it, showed up at the child’s school one day shortly thereafter, picked up the kid, and left the state with him. He could legally do that because of that voluntary declaration of paternity. He has just as much right to his child as Mom does; and because there was no court order spelling out custody and parent time at that time, there was absolutely nothing Mom could do about it.

I don’t tell you this story so you can go out, sign a voluntary declaration, and then break up with Mom and steal the baby. That’s a bullshit move if ever there was one. But as a biological father, this truly is the best way to gain legal standing in your child’s life from the beginning…and the legal part is actually FREE if you do it at the hospital following the child’s birth.

The one hitch in this: Both the biological father AND birth mother MUST sign the paternity declaration. This is not something bio dad can do if mom is not on board with it. But the point is this: Getting paternity declared or otherwise legally determined is a big deal when it comes to having the right to be involved in your child’s life, or to even have custody of your child if something happens that keeps mom from being able to care for the child (like dying, becoming incapacitated, going to jail, etc.) For an example of HOW important it is, just check out my post about Jose Vargas and his fight for custody of his daughter against the State of Utah (DCFS).

Now that you’re convinced that you need to get paternity legally acknowledged, here’s more information about how to actually get it done:

This is a link to a brochure produced by the State of Utah with steps to take and contact information for the agencies you need to work with to make a voluntary declaration of paternity, as well as what it costs if you don’t get it done at the hospital immediately after the child’s birth.

The Utah Courts website also has information about the various ways to get paternity legally acknowledged for the purpose of Dad having rights to his kid, even without a voluntary declaration…you can find that here (and you don’t have Mom on board to do all of them).

And the statute in Utah, the Voluntary Declaration of Paternity Act, can be found here.

Kids need their dads involved in their lives. Let’s not cut them out, mmmkay?

The reality is that bio dads do not automatically have rights to their kids unless they’re married to bio mom (and she can give away your kid, too, without even telling you about it, if you’re not fast enough off the line…check out this poor guy’s situation). The state can put you on the hook for child support and you still wouldn’t have any right to see your babies. If you really want to be involved with your son or daughter, you’ve got to get the legal stuff taken care of. This is the most serious case of “you snooze, you lose.” Do it for yourself, but more importantly–do it for your kid.

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Idaho Law

Idaho Child Support Calculator Software!
This is an online subscription child support calculation software for the state of Idaho. It’s a subscription site, but it does have a 14 day free trial option available.

Idaho Child Support Guidelines
This is a pretty lengthy PDF document, but scroll to the bottom…it has a table with child support amounts already calculated based on total income of both parties.

Idaho Child Support Services
LOTS of good information regarding getting a child support order, enforcing it, modifying it, and forms to do all these things on your own.

My Links

CLIMB Wyoming
CLIMB Wyoming is an organization whose goal is to help single mothers become better educated and able to support themselves and their families.

Department of Defense Manpower Data Single Record Request
A Military Service Affidavit is required in all divorce filings in this state….It has to do with complying with the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. Use this link to get a certificate from DOD showing the military status of opposing party in your case.

Facing Facts: BPDfamily.com
This is a great site with pertinent information that can be used in dealing with an ex (or spouse or child) who has borderline personality disorder. Solid information.

Kathy Elton Consulting
Kathy is a mediator I’ve used before. I like her style, and I like her prices :). Additionally, her website has a blog that has good information regarding mediation (required by law in all UT divorces.)

Leaving the Law
A blog about finding life after being a lawyer…I need to read through all of these posts.

Low Income Housing US
This page is a clearinghouse for subsidized/low income rental housing information in all 50 states.

Utah Visitation Relocation Statute
There is statute that spells out what the minimum visitation should be when a parent relocates after a divorce/custody decree is entered. That’s HERE. Remember–these are MINIMUMS.