Pauley want a restraining order? Characteristics of false accusers

NCIS actress Pauley Perrette alleges that her ex-husband, Francis “Coyote” Shivers, abused her during their 4-year marriage and has conducted a stalking and harassment campaign against her in the 8 years during and since their divorce. Shivers is currently awaiting sentencing due to a dubious protective order violation that seems like a deliberate set-up orchestrated by Perrette and her current boyfriend.

According to various reports, Shivers and Perrette met in 1998, shortly after she was released from a voluntary hospitalization in the Cedars-Sinai psychiatric unit. Sources claim Perrette had a meltdown and voluntarily admitted herself for approximately 3-4 weeks. Unconfirmed reports indicate that she may have been given the diagnoses of bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and severe depression during her stay. The couple married two years later in 2000.

While together, Perrette claims that Shivers’ first ex-wife, Bebe Buell (more on her shortly), stalked the couple and filed restraining orders against her. Perrette’s former roommate and best friend (so close the two women have matching tattoos), Lisa Lynch, states in her court declaration that Perrette was the driving force behind the restraining orders against Buell and that Shivers was “reluctant” to file. Currently, Buell and Perrette seem to have joined forces in harassing and vilifying Shivers.

Shivers filed for divorce from Perrette shortly after discovering she was allegedly having an affair with a “pizza delivery boy” in July 2004. Reports indicate Perrette initially tried to woo him back and was panic stricken at the possibility of her affair being made public. A former mutual friend, Blair Barnette substantiates this claim in her declaration.

Perrette filed her first TRO against Shivers exactly one week after he filed for divorce in December 2004. Her stalking and harassment behaviors seem to have escalated over the last 8 years, particularly once Shivers began dating after their separation, and continues to this day.

Shivers has since remarried and has numerous declarations from close friends and other associates depicting Perrette as the vindictive, obsessive and dishonest party in this scenario. According to these declarations, Perrette allegedly has a history of seeking restraining orders against former exes. Perrette’s former BFF and tattoo twin, Lynch, states:

I have been present when Ms. Perrette broke up with lovers in her past, and I can say she has a history of vindictive actions toward them, when none was warranted. In particular, I recall her stealing the cat of her ex-boyfriend Daniel Rivas, and then when he wanted to take her to court about this, Ms. Perrette filled out the paperwork for a restraining order in retaliation.

The unlikely alliance between Perrette and Buell is strangely suspect and seems to be a case of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Even more suspect is the outline for a screenplay titled Star Crazy that Pauley admitted to writing in 2002 at the most recent court hearing. Star Crazy pre-dates Perrette’s allegations against Shivers by approximately two years. The outline is essentially a how-to destroy an ex with false allegations DIY and appears to foreshadow what has transpired in the Perrette-Shivers case.

Sinister actress “schmoozes” and manipulates police into believing her tales of abuse.

Sinister actress lends her celebrity to a charity to gain good will.

Sinister actress tells more lies and falsely obtains a restraining order against the man, when (wink, wink) the actress is in reality the predator and the unwitting man is her prey.

Sinister actress destroys the man’s life via the police, courts and public opinion and becomes a media darling.

It would seem Star Crazy is an example of life imitating bad art under Perrette’s direction.

By all accounts, the only thing Shivers appears guilty of is a history of incredibly bad taste in women and consistently poor judgment, neither of which is a crime. The Hon. Judge Gretchen Taylor who presided over the Perrette-Shivers divorce proceedings said as much in 2005.

Speaking of bad taste in women, Mr. Shivers’ first marriage was to Beverle “Bebe” Buell. Buell is a former 1970s Playboy Playmate/groupie/rock star communal party favor who became pregnant with daughter, actress Liv Tyler, after a fling with Aerosmith front man, Steven Tyler while in a “non-exclusive” live-in relationship with another 70s rocker, Todd Rundgren.

Buell lied about Liv’s paternity for nearly a decade, passing her off as Rundgren’s child. She kept it secret until Liv met her biological father when she was 8-years old, noticed the strong physical resemblance and asked her mother if Tyler was her father.

Buell later said she committed paternity fraud to “protect” baby Liv from Steven’s drug use, which is a flimsy excuse at best. Most women who commit paternity fraud do so to protect their own selfish interests and not the child’s best interests. Lying about a child’s paternity is in no one’s best interests except the mother’s.

Shivers married Buell in 1992 and filed for divorce in 1998 (finalized in 1999). According to Shivers, he divorced Buell because he repeatedly found her aggressively pursuing rock stars against their wishes and alleges that Buell has a long notorious history of stalking rock stars.

Why are Buell’s paternity fraud and serial stalker behaviors relevant? They show Buell to be a practiced and opportunistic liar who plays fast and loose with the truth when it serves her agenda. The article written by Roger Friedman (Buell’s close friend) dissected here indicates that when Buell heard about the marriage disintegrating in July 2004, she emailed Perrette (in violation of the RO against her) and offered to “help” Perrette in the divorce. Seems like a case of the Borderline leading the Borderline, although, if Shivers’ and his advocates’ claims about Perrette are true, it’s doubtful she needed stalking and restraining order advice from Buell.

Buell is the only ex of Shivers who has corroborated Perrette’s accounts – well, Buell and a former girlfriend, Angela Garber, who seems to have corroborated Perrette’s claims onlywhile she was employed as Perrette’s assistant. Allegedly, the woman withdrew her restraining order petition after she left Perrette’s employ.

Bebe Buell

While reading through the various court documents and accounts, there appears to be a pattern of poor judgment and tactical errors by Shivers. In April 2012, Shivers tweeted that he and his current wife would be having dinner at their favorite restaurant, Shintaro.

It seems self-evident that you don’t advertise your whereabouts or itinerary on social media accounts if you are actively being stalked by an obsessive, vindictive ex (or stalked by any whackaloon for that matter) – especially if you don’t have a restraining order against your stalker. Even if you do have a restraining order, you still shouldn’t advertise your whereabouts. It’s mystifying that Shivers did not have a reciprocal restraining order. This seems like a real blunder by Shivers and by his legal representatives.

Predictably, when the Shivers arrived at Shintaro, Pauley was already there, waiting, perched and poised to call the cops and TMZ to report Shivers’ “violation” of the restraining order. A restraining order that had been in place for 5 years without incident, had recently expired and been reinstated at an ex parte motion filed by Perrette’s attorney shortly before the Shintaro incident. The whole debacle seems like an obvious and ham-fisted set-up by Perrette.

Did Perrette make false allegations against Shivers and harass, stalk and set him up? Let’s see if the court declarations and other evidence we have about Perrette and the case fit the characteristics of false accusers, false allegations and the falsely accused.

Defining Key Terms

Here are some of the psychological drivers and concepts that underlie the behaviors of false accusers and possibly Perrette’s behaviors and claims.

High-Conflict People (HCP): “High Conflict People have high-conflict personalities. Conflict is part of who they are. It’s a lifelong pattern of thinking and feeling and acting. Time after time, they argue against feedback, regardless of how helpful or truthful it may be. And time after time, they try to persuade others to agree with their rigid points of view and to help them attack their Targets of Blame. The issues come and go, but their personality traits keep them in conflict. Their problems remain unresolved and the stress on those around them often increases” (Eddy, 2008, p. 16).

Trigger any of these fears and the HCP will often go straight for the jugular.

HCPs don’t handle rejection, disappointments, criticism or conflict like most people. Specifically, most people don’t become vindictive stalkers or snap when they’re rejected or things don’t go their way.

HCPs often generate conflict because they enjoy it. They seem to derive a buzz from the conflict, drama, chaos and vitriol they generate. Many HCPs are very litigious and enjoy the adversarial nature of the courts where they can play victim and use the law to punish their Target(s) of Blame.

This definition echoes the descriptions of Perrette’s personality in the declarations written by her friends and associates, particularly the affidavits of Lisa Lynch, Blair Barnette and Jason Fishbein (links at the bottom of article).

Personality Disorders: Not all HCPs have personality disorders (PD), but many of them do or have enough PD traits to be consistently problematic. Frequently, personality-disordered HCPs fall into the Cluster B or “dramatic” PD continuum.

Cluster B disorders include histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. At their core, I believe all Cluster B disorders stem from sociopathy (i.e., lack of empathy for others, refusal to hold themselves accountable for their behaviors and exploitation of others). Bleiberg (2001) refers to these characterological disorders as “severe” because they chronically engage in extreme conflict, drama and cause the most problems in society.

Most individuals with PDs are not “crazy” in the sense that they don’t know right from wrong and, therefore, are not responsible for their actions. Most PD individuals know right from wrong, they just don’t care when abusing others, lying, cheating, etc., gets them what they want. Again, this is fundamentally sociopathic behavior.

It is well known in the mental health community that individuals with these disorders frequently confuse their feelings for facts and are prone to confabulation (i.e., lies told by liars who believe their own lies). This is typically a significant source of conflict for themselves and anyone that gets close to them.

Target of Blame: The Target of Blame is an individual who is targeted or victimized by a HCP as the source of the conflict, when, in reality, it is the HCP who is generating the conflict. “Anyone can become a Target of Blame just by being in a close relationship or being an authority figure in the [HCP’s] life” (Eddy, 2008, p. 347).

Negative Advocates: A negative advocate (NA) can be even more impassioned about destroying the HCP’s target than the HCP herself. The NA believes the HCP’s tale of victimhood and sees himself/herself as the HCP’s savior/avenger. NAs are essentially dupes of the HCP, particularly when they engage in violence by proxy be it death threats, harassment via the courts, financial distress and/or real physical violence.

Perrette’s current boyfriend seems to have helped her to set-up Shivers at Shintaro and some of her fans have allegedly made death threats against Shivers. AVFM is currently in the process of securing digital copies of these threats.

Actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes threats of lawsuits, overt and covert attacks, on the whistle-blower’s credibility and so on.

The attack will often take the form of focusing on ridiculing the person who attempts to hold the offender accountable. The attack will also likely focus on ad hominem instead of intellectual/evidential issues. Finally, I propose that the offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed. The more the offender is held accountable, the more wronged the offender claims to be.

This is similar to what Eddy (2006, p. 29) describes as the persuasive blaming tactics of high-conflict individuals. “Persuasive Blamers persuade others that their internal problems are external, caused by something else or someone else. Once others are persuaded to get the problem backward, the dispute escalates into a long-term, high-conflict situation. One that few people other than persuasive blamers can tolerate.” Getting the problem backward is precisely what happens when DARVO occurs.

Figure and ground are completely reversed,which is what appears to be happening in the Perrette-Shivers case. Perrette also seems to have engaged in DARVO after stealing an ex’s cat and pre-emptively filing a restraining order when he threatened to report her to the police.

Precipitants of False Allegations

When a man makes the decision to end a relationship with a high-conflict, personality disordered and/or sociopathic woman, there is a strong potential for physical, emotional and/or legal violence by the woman. Stories abound of women killing their ex-partners and their own children during divorce and custody battles and killing ex-boyfriends, for example, the Jodi Arias case. Facebook stalking and other forms of cyber-stalking are considered normal and acceptable behavior in some female circles. However, unlike most male abusers, female abusers have another weapon in their arsenal, which can be just as lethal as any firearm or poison.

That weapon is the false allegation by which the false accuser fabricates an act of violence, manufactures evidence, claims they fear for their safety based solely on their feelings with zero or dubious corroborating evidence, distorts or exaggerates the intensity and nature of mutual arguments or falsely accuses a partner or ex of behaviors of which the accuser is actually guilty (i.e., DARVO) in an effort to cover their tracks, deflect and project their bad behavior onto the person they have harmed.

A false allegation is a form of psychological violence and violence by proxy (i.e., using law enforcement and the court system and/or being ostracized from one’s family and social circles) that can destroy careers, reputations, familial relationships and friendships and lead to real physical violence (e.g., police violence, negative advocate violence, prison assaults, character assassination, etc.)

The two most common precipitants to false allegations are:

Ending the relationship; and

Beginning a romantic relationship with a new partner.

This is true for both men and women in a relationship with an abusive, high-conflict and/or personality-disordered partner. The false allegation/smear campaign is a way to retaliate or punish the target because the ex feels abandoned, rejected and, possibly, inferior to their target’s new object of affection.

I have worked with several men whose wives, girlfriends and exes have offered to drop their false allegations and pending court cases if the man in question returns to the relationship. These women did not file protective orders out of fear, but out of their compulsion to continue to control and abuse their target.

Male HCPs also make false allegations and are just as malicious and disturbed as their female counterparts, but there are far more tactical advantages for women who manufacture false allegations in the court system than men. In my experience, male abusers engage in smear campaigns and stalking behaviors typically minus the false criminal allegations, while female abusers oftentimes engage in all three.

If male HCPs were able to manipulate the courts as easily as female HCPs (i.e., credibly play helpless victim to the courts rampant female-bias), it’s likely that the number of false allegations and restraining orders filed by HCP males would be nearly equal to that of HCP females. Genuine male victims are unlikely to report abuse to authorities and seek protective measures like restraining orders because they fear being ridiculed, that they won’t be believed or, even worse, that they will be wrongly arrested while their female abuser hides her smirk behind a flood of crocodile tears. Male HCPs undoubtedly know this and are unwilling to take the risk of filing false criminal charges. For female HCPs, there is very little downside to making a false allegation of abuse.

Even when female false accusers admit to lying or have their cases dismissed due to lack of evidence or discovery of evidence that disproves their claims, the most they get is a slap on the wrist and maybe some mandatory counseling, but more on this later.

Filing false allegations of domestic violence and sexual assault is an abnormal, maladaptive and costly (i.e., time and money wasted by law enforcement and clogged court systems and costly to the victims of false allegations and their loved ones) response to being dumped or having to share custody, but in CrazyLand, it is frequently a reflexive response. When a HCP or PD feels abandoned, rejected, less than or is worried their bad behaviors will be exposed, their knee jerk response oftentimes is to embark upon a scorched earth trajectory of destruction just like we seem to be witnessing in the Perrette-Shivers case.

False accusers appear to be highly defensive and rigid, to have poor insight and a tendency to deny personal shortcomings. They tend to be extremely concerned about and sensitive to how others perceive them. Fears of inferiority and exposure.

False accusers tend to confuse feelings with facts. A woman may “feel” abused or may “feel” the children are being abused, when, objectively speaking, no abuse has actually occurred. Compounding this problem is that courts now allow women to press charges or file for restraining orders based solely upon their feelings, which may or may not have a basis in reality, rather than evidence of wrongdoing by the man (Zepezauer, 1994). This also seems to be occurring in the Perrette-Shivers case. Specifically, the Hon. Judge Gretchen Taylor stated:

“I see no family code section 6321 (A)(2) behavior that says that Mr. Shivers has engaged in an assault, threat of an assault or behavior that rises to the level of such severe emotional harm that he needs to be excluded from his home . . . I think there is sufficient, well-founded fear on the part of the respondent [Perrette]. And if I properly had a request from the petitioner [Shivers], I might even find well-founded fear on his part. But I don’t” [have a restraining order request from Shivers – a tactical error on his part].

False accusers are likely to misperceive the behavior of others and to react to stressful situations in maladaptive ways. Depending upon the specific personality disorder, they are characterized by instability of mood, impulsivity, inappropriate emotional overreactions, a need for approval and attention, and difficulties handling anger and conflict (Wakefield & Underwager, 1990).

False accusers also have an obsessive hatred of and anger toward their ex-partner, so much so that their hatred and anger become a driving force in their lives. Buell admits in her autobiography that her obsession with Shivers “will never, ever be over – never.” It now seems that Buell and Perrette have joined forces in a mutual vendetta.

Characteristics of the Falsely Accused

The falsely accused targets of blame tend to be your average nice guys with nurturing and passive personalities. These men are unlikely to be socially aggressive or competitive and tend to lack insight (i.e., don’t learn from their mistakes) into their personal relationships.

This may explain why so many of these men have a pattern of relationships with abusive, HCP/PD women. Even when the woman is known to have a history of making false allegations in her previous relationships — like Perrette seems to have — or has made threats during their marriage to call 911 and have him arrested, somehow these men just don’t see what most people could see coming from outer space until it’s too late (Wakefield & Underwager, 1990).

Because of their sensitive and caring natures, these men may also be more vulnerable to relationships with needy and manipulative women. Many of these men may also have been raised by one or more parents with HCP/PD traits and possibly groomed to tolerate these kinds of abuses. Once in a relationship with a HCP, they may behave somewhat passively as they continue to naively hope that everything will magically work out in the end or that they will finally win “mother’s” love or approval. This rarely, if ever happens.

Characteristics of False Allegation Cases

Ross and Blush (1987; 1990) have found certain patterns that characterize false allegation cases. The following patterns are not exhaustive, but rather the most applicable to the Perrette-Shivers case:

The allegations start after separation and legal action commences.

There’s a history of family dysfunction with high-conflict and other hidden underlying issues.

The female accuser presents as assertive and organized with a justifiable argument supported by “facts, figures and opinions supporting her evidence” and comes across as outraged and worried about her ex’s behavior.

The female false accuser becomes resistant, hostile and passive-aggressive or overtly aggressive upon cross-examination of her claims, as most HCPs/PDs do, and is likely to try to discredit any evaluator or law enforcement official that questions her assertions and may threaten to sue or file an ethics complaint.

The false accuser has intense and chaotic interpersonal relationships and is prone to intense valuation and devaluation and will attempt to punish others who they believe have abandoned or hurt them, which also appears to describe the Perrette-Shivers case.

To the Professional Victim Goes the Spoils

Over the last 25 years, as the domestic violence and divorce industries have grown, a perverse system has developed in response to female initiated false allegations of abuse in which the false accuser is rewarded.

Female false accusers get attention. The person they hate is punished. They receive social approval. We all hate abusers, right? Look at that courageous woman who’s fighting for her life! Female false accusers may also receive free legal representation, welfare payments, free counseling and other support services and support from family, friends and neighbors — in other words, even more attention (Wakefield & Underwager, 1990).

Buell

Perrette sure is getting a lot of press mileage out of this. Had it not been for her allegations against Shivers, she would have remained unknown to most non-NCIS fans. Pauley has also allegedly rallied negative advocates to her cause. In April 2011, Pauley sniffled that she might have to quit the only job that’s given her fame because of Shivers’ alleged harassment. As previously reported, Shivers alleges he subsequently began receiving death threats from Perrette’s fans. AVFM will publish these threats in an upcoming article. Does anyone believe that someone who appears to court the limelight as much as Perrette does would actually walk away from what she seems to crave most – celebrity and attention?

There are very little, if any consequences for women who make false allegations in family and criminal court (Green & Schetky, 1988). Ultimately, the female false accuser has far more to gain than she has to lose. However, I’m hopeful that we’ll soon be seeing more stories like that of Daryl Guinyard, the man who sued his ex-wife in civil court for making false sexual abuse allegations and was awarded $852,000 in punitive damages.

The problem of false allegations will continue as long as law enforcement, the courts and society continue to protect enable women like Pauly Perrette from facing the natural consequences of their behavior.

Putting the Pieces Together

Based on what is known about Perrette’s alleged psychiatric issues, apparent history of filing baseless restraining orders against exes and what we know about the 4 fears that drive HCPS, a different story from the one Perrette has been spinning comes into focus.

Fears 1 and 2: Abandonment and Inferiority. After Mr. Shivers filed for divorce, Pauley’s harassment via law enforcement and the courts began. This seems to be a narcissistic rage reaction, as in, “How dare you leave me? How dare you reject me?”

Fears 3 and 4: Exposure of Misdeeds and Loss of Resources. Barnette states in her affidavit:

In November 2004 I visited Francis Shivers at his house on Whitley Terrace. There he told me about the extramarital affair his wife “Pauley” had with a boy he would only describe as the “pizza boy.” He said she was terrified of her sex scandal being exposed and made very frightening threats about what she would do if he ever told anybody. He then showed me a script Pauley wrote and explained that Pauley threatened she would do this to him.

Based on Barnette’s affidavit, it appears Perrette continues to harass Shivers in an effort to cover her tracks regarding her fling with “the pizza boy.” As previously, noted, it seems equally likely that Perrette continues her campaign of hate against Shivers due to a tremendous amount of narcissistic rage that was undoubtedly triggered when he filed for divorce and moved on with his life, despite the fact that she is the one that blew up the marriage by allegedly shtooping the pizza delivery boy. It also seems likely that Perrette feared a public sex scandal and engaged in DARVO to cover her butt and defame Shivers in a pre-emptive counter-offensive strike.

Closing Thoughts

It can be difficult to sort out who is telling the truth in these he said-she said cases, but not impossible if judges and law enforcement are able to look past their biases of man = bad/woman = victim. HCPs who engage in these behaviors typically can’t substantiate their claims or, if confronted on their inconsistencies and contradictions (i.e., lies), just make up more lies to try to substantiate their claims or feign outrage. This may help the falsely accused and his legal representatives hang the false accuser with a rope of her own making, if and when he needs to prove his version of events as opposed to her ever evolving versions of the “truth.”

HCPs/PDs/Persuasive Blamers rely on the force of their emotions to sell their lies, half-truths and distortions. Since most people are suckers for drama, especially in the form of a tearful, self-righteous woman, a falsely accused man needs concrete proof if he wants to be believed and, sometimes, concrete evidence isn’t enough.

After reading numerous Internet articles and comments on this case, I have reached the conclusion that the parties involved in this saga are all nucking futz to various degrees, no offense to Mr. Shivers and his advocates as I’m a bit of an eccentric myself. There is benign crazy and malignant crazy. Judge Taylor had this to say about Shivers at the January 31, 2005 hearing:

. . . I think there’s been very little problem in the last 6 months, very little problem, a few emails and your allegation [Pauley claimed Mr. Shivers hacked into her email because he printed out copies of emails that she sent him] without a scientific analysis that makes it totally irrefutable. The worst things that happened were on the occasion when Ms. Perrette went to the residence and brought the cops and went through the window.

Mr Shivers, I think you’re behaving rather bizarrely. I think it’s a little bit creepy to have paper bags over the windows, stuff like that. It doesn’t look pretty, right? But that’s not a crime. It’s not a crime, but it does look weird. I agree. It looks strange, but I don’t issue restraining orders against strange people.

I have examined the declarations and the other evidence AVFM has in its possession of this case and cannot comprehend why Mr. Shivers has not requested and been granted a reciprocal restraining order. I cannot comprehend how the judge presiding over his current case is unable to discern the obvious set-up that occurred. I cannot comprehend why the judge is ignoring what seems to be Perrette’s history of stalking her exes and harassing them through the courts because from what little I’ve seen of Perrette on NCIS, she’s just not that good an actress.

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Thank you for getting yet another behavioral checklist out there. Some of those behaviors are spot on from what I’ve seen and experienced.

When the judge said this:

“And if I properly had a request from the petitioner [Shivers], I might even find well-founded fear on his part. But I don’t” [have a restraining order request from Shivers – a tactical error on his part].”

Requesting a restraining order is used not to protect oneself but instead to gain a better position in court to such a degree that lawyers who have lost their client’s case have been sued for not advising their client’s to request one. Nothing to do with fear, or abuse.

“Oh, look, victims get what they want, everyone makes what they want happen FOR them. If I pretend to be a victim, I can get what I want, even though what I deserve it to just figure my way out of this situation like an adult – like every other adult.”

Who knows what inconvenience my mother, and better quality of life I, would have experienced if not for the abuse of laws like these.

Guys, to be practical, if you’re getting divorced, take a TON of estrogen pills and then you can convince yourself that you are genuinely afraid of anything, too! Though hormones are much more complicated than that apparently. Found that out in the comments section somewhere on AVfM.

You’re welcome, Dopesauce. This information is already out there, all I did was try to put it altogether in a cohesive, understandable fashion, which was a real challenge.

Part of the problem is that mental health professionals may be in the same field, but often use different language. There are practitioners/authors who pussyfoot around the real issues and make up “non-stigmatizing” labels like “HCP,” issue warnings about using labels as weapons and encourage their victims to feel compassion for them because they have “problems” and are “hurting, too.” I think this approach does a disservice to the victims of these types.

People with these personality structures are predators — no matter how prettily some of them cry — and the smartest thing you can do if you spot one or find yourself in the crosshairs of one is show no fear, watch your back, then quietly and calmly walk in the opposite direction. A garlic necklace and recording devices are also a good idea.

Nightwing1029

“Negative Advocates: A negative advocate (NA) can be even more impassioned about destroying the HCP’s target than the HCP herself. The NA believes the HCP’s tale of victimhood and sees himself/herself as the HCP’s savior/avenger. NAs are essentially dupes of the HCP, particularly when they engage in violence by proxy be it death threats, harassment via the courts, financial distress and/or real physical violence.”
Sounds like most white knights, to me.
As a recovering white knight, it really hit home.

Yes, and what many white knights fail to realize are that they may be tomorrow’s Targets of Blame.

Nightwing1029

Yeah.
Been there.
Thus why I am a RECOVERING white knight.
I still feel bad about the ones that have their heads up an unnamed orifice.

bubbajoebob

A perfect description of STBX’s lawyer. He is so in her sway that he knowingly makes false statements in documents to the court, spreads her falsehoods about me, and so disgusts my attorney that he just turns his back and walks away from him when he tries to talk to him.

Fortunately, he’s also completely incompetent. The one advantage to her choosing NAs for her advocates is that their loyalty to her victimhood is far more important than their ability to get the job done. Thank God for that!

GVrooman

I HAVE KNOWN A number of nasty and vindictive women in my time, including my paranoid schizophrenic stepmother. (Nothing borderline about her.) Generally the nastier and more vindictive the woman is, the more afraid she is. I think that there is a large amount of projection involved here. They know what they are doing to their mates, and they know what they themselves would do if they were in their mates’ shoes. Hence they are terrified.

This is a good point. I think many of these types judge others by their own crooked yardstick and believe everyone is like them, motivated by the same fears, etc., and this is why they’re so brutal and merciless toward their victims. They seem to operate on the premise of eff over or be effed over. They truly don’t understand that most people don’t view life and relationships as zero sum games.

FullyAwake

Great comment! I’ve seen this happen myself, but didn’t clearly articulate it in my head at the time. “Once he figures this out, if he has any balls left, he’s going to go full on ballistic. No self-respecting person would take this lying down. Gotta get the victim thing going to protect myself from the inevitable.” This one is psychological GOLD.

externalangst

Thanks for this Dr. T. This is the kind of information that should be available to young men in Men’s Centers on university campuses and elsewhere. I wonder if there was a sort of innocuous ‘shit test’ for this socio-pathology where people could use for advance warning of potentially dangerous partners. I know it’s a crappy idea but the consequences of being oblivious to these phenomena can be so severe.

Thank you, externalangst. You ask, “I wonder if there was a sort of innocuous shit test for this socio-pathology where People could use for advance warning of potentially dangerous partners?”

Try telling a potential partner, especially a female partner, “No.” Paul and I did a radio program show on this very topic (I think). That can tell you quite a lot unless they’ve got their mask on real tight. How do they handle disappointment? Do they hold themselves accountable or blame others for everything wrong in their life?

And, here’s a real obvious one: When you meet a woman sporting a bracelet from the local psych ward, your first thought should be “run away from it” not “put a ring on it.”

If you’re interested, head over to S4M and check out the index. I’ve got at least a half-dozen relationship red flag articles and I think a radio program as well.

feeriker

[Q]“I wonder if there was a sort of innocuous shit test for this socio-pathology where People could use for advance warning of potentially dangerous partners?”

So simple it almost makes you laugh, yet so absolutely effective that you really need no other test. As a man, the most disturbing thing about trying it is in discovering that the majority of women to whom it is applied will respond with histrionic, over-the-top, absolutely uncalled-for anger characteristic of a spoiled teenager denied permission to stay out late on a school night.

Bottom line: guys, this test will show you, like nothing else will, just how ugly the situation is out there.

I don’t watch any network TV. HBO and FX. Impatiently waiting for Game of Thrones and Wilfred to resume.

Peter Wright (Tawil)

Very thorough piece, Dr. T, and true to the evidence about this blue-eyed Siren. The analysis is so astute I expect the Hollywood hacks to be coming this way shortly and harvesting excerpts of your article for mainstream consumption… the twist in the story begs it.

Thank you, Peter. She does have the crazy eyes, doesn’t she? I doubt the Hollywood Gossip machine will quote anything from this article. It doesn’t fit neatly into 6 paragraphs or less and doesn’t fit into their woman = good/man = bad habit of oversimplifying everything nor does it pander to the demographic — the female reader who thinks Hollywood gossip is actually news.

I suspect the material at AVFM is too bitter a pill to swallow for the *50 Shades of WTF crowd.

*Working Title for my second book — after I finish writing my first, of course!

Jay

A very good read and analysis of some key common characteristics of false accusers. I’ll be recommending this read to a few people I know who seem to be having these potential issues in their relationships. Thank you Tara.

makeitstop

Wow. This seems to be the only site on the internet that has done any actual investigating and fact checking for this story. Well done. You hit the nail on the head.

justicehead

Isn’t that something? Isn’t it a trip that the Roger Friedmans can be contacted by Perrette or Buelle and spin such destrutive lies? The falsely accused victims of these celebrities get a real education. In my case, my false accuser, thought she was famous but luckily was merely delusional. She was able to ban me and have things deleted and to spread defamtion far and wide,but no press was willing to take on her cause. When I was not convicted she was made aware that she had to shut up and just hope I drop dead so everyone would blindly believe her forever. She often comes online and she or her two fans encourage me to either “move on” or to commit suicide. Though I am depressed , I plan to keep living out of spite. ha.
Alas, a year ago she gained some measure of exposure in the media due to her tales of massive adversity. Alas(once again) she claimed to be pretty much dying of cancer and yet then cured of cancer, in one month, and told that she only had a 7 percent chance of recurrance. hmmm.) Her annoying name is “Tig Notaro” and she is a very nasty piece of work who was able to decimate any percieved adversary( I did not know her but did perhaps say one thing that inadvertantly provoked her narcissistic rage,and then continued to provoke her narcisstic rage as I sought to defend myself)by shelling out the dough to the Lavely and Singer law firm. I advise any guilty celebrity or celebrity wannabe to hire them if you want to get away with murder. I have no doubt that if you hire them you can get away with literal murder on top of figurative murder(character assassination,loss of liberty etc.) It would be impressive if it weren’t so sinister and sick. In short: Do not trust the press. Trust your instincts and what you can see with your own eyes. Don’t become complicit in harming the falsely accused by easily buying into what the press puts out.

Also, these type of monsters don’t believe in god or karma ,and so their victims are denied that kind of satisfaction too.

The judge didn’t take any legally effective measures because the situation generates litigation and thus money for lawyers. The judge is a lawyer and wants to make as much money for professional associates as possible. The legal system can use chivalry and supposed efforts to be “fair” and alleged legal points to accomplish this.
That’s why such situations can go on and on.

feeriker

Hammerhead, meet nail.

Near Earth Object

Definitely worth every minute it took to read and I will re-read it again.
Your article had me revisiting and reinterpreting, mostly events from the R.F.I.C.
Understanding often begets healing. Thanks for that, Dr. T.

Near Earth Object

“Unconfirmed reports indicate that she may have been given the diagnoses of bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and severe depression during her stay.”

Talk about an X, Y and Z rollercoaster!

justicehead

If true,this story is one where she has no conscience. Bipolarity wouldn’t explain it away since it’s happened over years. I am unsure of the reliability of the DSM as to the other possible diagnosis’s. Let’s just call it evil, cause that is what I think when I see the ruthlessness and the diabolical nature of her acts against him. I’m guessing(hoping?) that this is kind of rare since sociopaths only supposedly comprise 4 percent of the population.If true, she belongs in prison for years. As does anyone so brutal and soulless.

People who abuse others, make false allegations, etc., fit a specific profile. Potentially having these diagnoses doesn’t excuse Perrette’s behaviors nor would they give her a “not-guilty by reason of insanity” pass. I’m pretty sure she knows that perjury, lying, setting people up, threatening to kill people, etc., is wrong. Like many of these types, she probably knows what she’s doing is wrong, but feels justified in doing it. It’s a matter of ego preservation vs. ego annihilation.

Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder that can often be successfully treated with medications, diet, etc. Borderline Personality Disorder is a characterological disorder, in other words, a person of poor character. Research links the condition to behaviors that seem to be exhibited by Perrette. Not all BPDs perpetrate such abuses and crimes, but many of them do. It’s about patterns of behavior over time.

Also, sociopaths and people with sociopathic traits make up far more than 4% of the population. I suspect they compromise at least 20% and growing. The 4% figure represents individuals with an actual diagnosis. Many of these types fly under the radar for years with only their nearest and “dearest” seeing the monster behind the public mask. They maintain their power over their targets by keeping their abuses secret.

It’s too bad all the rationalization hamsters can’t be hooked up to the power grid, eh, Kimski?

Kimski

You may just have solved the ressource shortage the world is facing on a permanent basis, my good doctor.

/raises cup of tea and salutes in respect.

It all seems to work so well until it catches up with you, spins you around, and you’re left facing the opposite direction, while wondering what happened..
😉

justicehead

Damn. I thought 4 percent was awful. You are right: How would those flying under the radar be known? I don’t think that the fact that she was in a psych ward means much. I think that depression or bipolarity should make her more compassionate since it means she has suffered. The cruelty and vindictiveness do point to a miserable character, capable of anything. Antisocial personality disorder?

Stupendous and indispensable. Men who recognize themselves in this description (nurturing, caring, not traditionally “macho” just really nice guys) should really look carefully at how they can fall into these horrible relationships.

Dean, I DO recognize myself in that description, though I’m leery of labeling myself as ‘really nice’ – a more dismissive label like ‘really passive’ rings truer to me. And I’ve seen enough of others’ horrible relationships that I dismiss the idea of having my own ‘relationship’ altogether, out of reluctance to get similarly trapped and similarly burned & butchered.

(Nurturing and caring? Maybe not so much. But I took care of my mom, financially and at the end physically, till she went West; that, rather than seek my own happiness and start my own family. And now I am attorney-in-fact for my demented Dear Auntie, who’s in Memory Care, and I worked like a dog for months cleaning up and selling the house she kicked me out of when I was still a teenager. The money from selling the house is spent to keep her in comfort and safety, and I visit twice a week for the sake of her happiness. Karma’s funny that way, isn’t it?)

I am not “traditionally macho” even though I used to drink whiskey by the fifth chased with beer, used to jump out of airplanes for fun, and used to repossess cars and practice martial arts. Yet in general I’m a softhearted kindhearted nurturing type and while occasionally I get irate am generally a very calm and nice guy and will help a stranger without even thinking about it. Irritating me isn’t too hard, but getting me genuinely angry is very hard and usually requires a whole lot of stressors hitting me all at once. I generally view anger and resentment as toxic emotions and when I identify them in myself I work to process (not suppress, process and analyze and address) and get rid of them at once so it doesn’t stew.

Old saying: resentment is drinking poison to get revenge on someone else. 😉

All that said, I recognized myself and some (not all but some) of my relationships instantly in that description by Dr. T.

Spending your life caring for relatives as you describe pegs you as a nurturing type, pal. Deal with it, it’s not a bad thing, just as long as you realize it about yourself and don’t let your better nature get abused by a psycho.

I realized some time ago that a pattern in my worst relationships is I was constantly trying to heal people from my very broken childhood. That kind of hit me like a sledge when I realized it.

(I had a long talk with Erin about that one. It was fascinating. I should have recorded it.)

Honestly, I “USE” to be that guy. Although I would not say I am jaded. I would say I am not a victim, although people keep trying to victimize me in family court.

I have dated numerous women; and after a while you start to realize what you want. You also see parts of yourself on both sides. Perrette, for me, not so much.

A woman like her, in my day, I would have at worst used and discarded once the crazy started seeping through. Which is at worst a week. I have learned, that crazy people can only keep the mask on perfect for a short period of time. Then the crazy starts to reveal itself when they cannot manipulate you in the ways they desire. Shivers apparently, not.so.much.

It is the building of lust they must possess inside of you for their scheme to be at least effective. If they can garner the strongest version of it, false love, then all the better. Then they truly own you.

Also, guys tool women all the time; the guys who tooled the most women also tend to become the worst white knight enablers for their daughters in the future. Karma is a bitch. Hahahahahahahaha

So let’s hope that if Perrette does have kids, they are sons with horrible attitudes. Granted, I pity any child forced into, and then consequently out of this psychopaths womb; but who knows, maybe a lifetime of emotional ass whooping is just what she needs?

At some point, when you become successful with women, you start to see both sides of the argument. Some people just need to feed their insecurity because it seems easier then killing it. Only those with enough fortitude, and who can reside in an environment that does not pigeon hole them, can see clearly enough that they need to get out of their bad habits.

For example, Louis CK is not my favorite comedian; he does make a really great point on marriage(trigger alert, highly offensive!):

Yet, we tend to see the negative in ourselves when we don’t have to sell ourselves to our spouse anymore. In other words, they saw the goods, and took them off the market. BIG mistake.

We need to start seeing marriage for what it is, a contract that makes sense; and all the imitations out there for what they are; fun at first, but empty at the end. In my mind, the movement is fighting for parity between the sexes. Sadly, some form of marriage will be a part of the final solution if we are honest with one another. Men and women are not just going to do like Ancient Vikings did and just bang, then guy sends spoils from war when he returns.

What marriage was, and what a future replacement will have to be is a non state sponsored commitment of security between two people who promise to love one another even when their ass is showing.

Until then, we are just getting screwed with the consequences of the risk; most women are not worth the little reward that they bring at this time.

The Twatoo was Paul’s choice. I chose the images of Buell and Perrette.

justicehead

I am deeply grateful that your publication is writing about this case. It is a public service that can save lives. The bafflement is understandable, but I assure you that the answer lies three letters– T M U. The LAPD’s threat management and thier efforts to lend credibility to obvious lies is at the root of why anyone unlucky enough to be targeted by the Paulley Perrettes of the world will go down in flames for years and years. It is why he was convicted. It lies too with her lawyer and his lawyers, and the incestous sickness that is the L.A legal system. It stretches credulity to believe that so many are willing to conspire in the destruction of innocent people, but it is the case in L.A courts. Years of self interest and no oversight have made it so. Post Pellicano lawyers needed to win still, and they didn’t want things like rights and law getting in the way. Enter Jeffrey Dunn and his unethical unit. They have motivation. They will get rich soon if they please the right people. A fortune is to be made in “celebrity threat management” and firms exist that will hire these TMU detectives. Miscreants like John Gregozek can count on early retirements and wealth and glamour if they play along and use thier badge and elite unit status for ill.
I take issue with the writer having to somehow cast blame on the true victim by saying he’s nutz or whatever. When one’s name and life is so damaged and the courts and cops prove to be complicit– one’s online presence might seem scattered and desperate. Drowning people are “emotional.” The sole point must be that it is evil to create such lies and it is evil to ruin lives over lies. It is sociopathy or psychopathology if a title other than evil must be granted. No analysis can explain it away. And, no genuine blame can exist for the victim of these ruthless and cruel liars. Sure, we are all a little nutty, but most of us are not vindictive and vicious and would not use the police and courts to destroy our adversaries. This is a particular brand of evil and Coyote’s failure to file a restraining order is evidence to me of his normal functioning. He simply isn’t vindictive. He is operating from a place of common sense and humanity. In my case Martha Defoe, of the TMU, told me to file a restraining order against Tig Notaro or Stef Willen, and i just didn’t. I just can’t use the courts that way since I just didn’t percieve a physical threat. I was sure till the bitter end that common sense and conscience would prevail. I got a retired judge so I was not convicted. He simply was able to be just just enough. Still, my life is shattered and too much work required to undo the damage.
I’m a person with morals, and decent people can’t comprehend evil and so they just don’t get it even when they get it.
That said, I am thrilled by this series and hope it continues. So much more to this story ,and this story leads to other stories that would blow many minds. Pardon me if I’m rambling but drowning people also tend to “ramble.”

Yes, Shivers is the victim here, but he also needs to look at the choices he has made. A common definition of crazy is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result, which Shivers seems to have done in at least two of his marriages.

Dating and marrying a woman just released from a psych ward with the diagnoses Perrette is speculated to have strikes me as having a death wish.

Tweeting his whereabouts and itinerary when he knows his ex is stalking him also strikes me as reckless.

It’s not his fault that Perrette is doing this to him, but in some ways, he seems to be making it easier for her — at least from the evidence I’ve reviewed.

justicehead

I’m not sure why he would feel the need to talk of where he would eat if he were in fear. That is the part that baffles me the most. It could be that he forgot and just fell into the inane desire to tweet such mundane matters. It is to me, the one thing that makes him look somewhat suspect. And, yet, it doesn’t explain away the fact that he is actively seeking affidavits from her friends. A guilty person would not do that. Only a person very confident in being wronged would seek out her friends and cohorts to validate his impression and claims.

I agree that some are reckless or unwise. I am too trusting and not prone to enough caution but it doesn’t entail such punishments. I know from experience that it is impossible to get into the mind of an evil person if one isn’t evil. Then, human nature takes over and we want to assign some onus to the victim, in order for us to feel we would have known better etc. It gives us some sense of control, when in truth we have none in many situations.
I get blamed for not realizing that a Stef Willen was nuts and bad. Yet, I didn’t see it in time. I’m pretty smart but she too was intelligent and she too was an actress and she knew how to flatter and decieve. As for a Tig Notaro, I had no way of knowing. I didn’t know her. She might have been the white knight in this and lied to by this Willen, but then too much evidence that she did this strictly for her own evil purposes.

I just don’t like the CYA aspect of saying that Coyote is no hero or he’s nuts in some way. It bugs me that caveats are made. It is just as likely that he is a guy with a healthy ego who won’t tolerate some one destroying them just because she has more money or power. His online persona is nearly useless since we know he repeatedly is being shut down in the courts and must feel desperate and beyond confused. Ask yourself what you would do if you see cops and judges repeatedly allowing your devastation, and then the press turning you into some gross stalker too. Ask yourself how it feels to have tons of your money, your name, your peace of mind, stolen ,all due to lies.

Nobody here is saying he’s nuts, and my statement that he’s not “a hero” was a way of saying that he’s a normal man with normal strengths and normal weaknesses.

This isn’t Hollywood; here at AVfM we deal with human beings, not with “mythic” demigods. If Mr. Shivers’ story were fictional, he would be a tragic figure and it would be appropriate to build his tragedy up to epic proportions (the way the MSM has done Perrette’s “story.”) However his story is not fictional. It’s also not extraordinary. It is utterly commonplace, although usually on a smaller scale, and that is the bigger tragedy.

AVfM is not a celebrity news rag, shilling for one side or the other, and this story isn’t merely about Shivers and Perrette. It’s not merely about the police, the lawyers and the courts in L.A. This story is about how easy it is for almost any woman to use the misandry that pervades our laws and courts, to destroy almost any man.

justicehead

I see your points and apologize for my rushed comment. Such a comment made me seem much more critical than is the case. I’m actually in love with the three writers, and your publication. Not in any stalkerish way ;)I have no regard for celebrity and have never heard of Mr. Shivers or Pauly Perrete, until we shared the same TMU experience, awhile back. We are in no way friends and I see this is no celebrity rag but a very excellent publication that I now love. My point is that there is such a tendency to not take sides when sides need to be taken. And, you clearly are not doing that in any dubious way. I just feel the pain of anyone who is convicted, and is in hell, and so many just are very tentative and want to distance themselves in some way. Suddenly, there is some personal flaw that might be present that somehow explains the inexplicable. I agree with you on the misandry and how the law has perverted these restraining orders and the concept of domestic violence. Did you know the applicant gets 300 bucks waived if they allege violence or stalking? Motive enough for these types to just invent violence and stalking and really bury the falsely accused. Lawfirms encourage these lies.There are other financial motivations for both the false accuser and the courts. It’s repulsive. Again, please forgive me for not making myself clear and appearing to be snotty, when I am full of appreciation.

Didn’t say tweeting his dinner plans is suspect. What I’m saying is that it wasn’t very smart.

Look, if you find yourself in the crosshairs of a BPD, NPD or full-on sociopath, you need to accept some harsh realities:

1. You have a giant bullseye on your back.

2. Crazy rarely changes unless it is compelled by a force greater than itself to knock it the eff off or suffer the consequences.

3. In order for the sociopath to “win,” you must lose (be completely destroyed).

4. Once they split you black or see you as a threat to maintaining their mask, money, status, etc., they will not stop targeting you until someone or something with the authority to do so makes them stop.

5. If the sociopath is a female and the target is a male, multiply the first 4 points by 1000 and understand that, unless you’re really convincing, have a lot of documentation and a lot of money for really good legal representation, law enforcement, the courts and the mental health fields are not your friends (with some exceptions, of course). These systems will probably assist the female sociopath in continuing to ass pound you and your children (if applicable).

The target needs to understand this, act accordingly and take the necessary precautions — like not over-sharing on FB or Twitter, changing up their routines, finding new favorite romantic spots, working out at the gym at different times of day, maybe even moving and ABR – ALWAYS BE RECORDING.

I have often joked (gallows humor) with clients that there needs to be a Victims of BPDs Relocation Program.

Is it fair that the target has to restrict/change his/her movements/behaviors? No, but if you don’t want to subject yourself and your loved ones to more unnecessary harm you absolutely should. It’s irresponsible of you not to take steps that ensure your safety. Just like telling rapists not to rape is an ineffective strategy, so is telling sociopaths not to be sociopaths.

Targets of these types rarely escape without the sociopath taking a pound of their flesh and then some. Choices have consequences and choosing to marry someone with sociopathic traits absolutely has consequences. I’m not saying this to be a jerk. It’s just the way it is.

Clients who have escaped relatively intact did not do so because the courts were fair. They had to smarten up very quickly, become very strategical in their thinking, exercise control over their emotions, smile when having to eat the occasional shit sandwich, not show their cards prematurely, document everything and manage their divorce/break-up as if they were planning to storm the beaches at Normandy.

If Shivers had been my client, I would have told him to shut all his social media down or to only use it for professional purposes. I would have told him not to tweet his whereabouts or itinerary. I would have told him not to tweet how happy his new wife makes him or how much he loves his new wife. This is the same as throwing chum into shark-infested waters and then deciding it’s a good time to take a dip.

I would have told him to get a reciprocal restraining order. I would have had him look at his relationship choices and explore what is it that draws him to these incredibly unstable, dangerous women. I would have explored a potential “addiction” to drama and chaos.

He is not to blame for Perrette being who she is and he should not have to go to jail for over-sharing on Twitter. I stand by my original statements.

justicehead

It’s too late for me but this is a great resource for those lucky enough to have been spared. I am particularly sympathetic to Coyote Shivers because in seems that when someone with more money and power is commandeering the justice system, and then even the internet(in my case, lavely and singer was getting things deleted and then if someone wrote something about me and I went to defend myself, I would be banned from these sites) you are flailing in a novel way, and you just want to do anything to get out the word that you are not some creep.Then, you get all this evidence and you want to clear your name on some scale that will make you feel fixed. He tried the courts. I tried the courts. I am telling you the L.A courts are more diseased than can easily be believed. He saw how many lawyers would not touch such things considering the courts in L.A . Now, he’s a vexation litigant and good old roger freidman can use that. I very much doubt such a designation was one bit deserved.
So,then it feels as if you have nothing to lose and you must clear your name in some cosmic way, but instead you will look loony because most people can care less, and they want to side with the more powerful or famous person. Plus, my sense is that he is convinced she’ll come to her senses and stop destroying him and he too has an ego and can’t stand how degraded he feels. In truth, when dealing with such a sociopath, so much is luck and faith and prayer because the normal channels don’t work. Terrific comment. Thank you.

makeitstop

It is unfortunate that Shivers was / is not your client. Hopefully, these articles will end up in the hands of his present representation. You are spot on, in my opinion. Justicehead makes an excellent point as well:

“When one’s name and life is so damaged and the courts and cops prove to be complicit– one’s online presence might seem scattered and desperate. Drowning people are “emotional.” The sole point must be that it is evil to create such lies and it is evil to ruin lives over lies. It is sociopathy or psychopathology if a title other than evil must be granted. No analysis can explain it away. And, no genuine blame can exist for the victim of these ruthless and cruel liars. Sure, we are all a little nutty, but most of us are not vindictive and vicious and would not use the police and courts to destroy our adversaries. This is a particular brand of evil and Coyote’s failure to file a restraining order is evidence to me of his normal functioning. He simply isn’t vindictive”.

It’s the classic pattern nurturing types fall into, actually. For some reason we get this notion that we can heal the broken person. Which, if the stars align just right, we sometimes can, but a more likely result if we aren’t extremely careful is third degree burns, emotionally and sometimes even physically.

justicehead

I am too rushed to make myself clear so it is looking like I am being critical when I really am just being a mix of deeply impressed and pleased, and yet hoping too for more dialogue about the ins out outs of this type of thing. I guess I’m defensive too because I have been told ” couldn’t you tell?” over a three month fling, and I feel as if I was an idiot and that some think that my stupidity in some way excuses the 5 year long nightmare, or makes them immune from relating since they would have known etc. I agree it was reckless of him to tweet, and it’s a tough thing to cover such a story. I think that the falsely accused has to survive it, and pray for divine intervention since once such lies are told and spread, it can take forever to gain any sense of the truth being embraced. Then, the question becomes how to fix a lost name and so many lost years. Also, why did all those judges and cops play along? What is going on? It’s rough. Again, sincerest respect to you and this publication for even writing about it. And, writing about it so well and with such conviction.

I love this article, Dr. T. These fully formed personalities you describe, are exactly what our culture, laws and courts permit and encourage normal women to emulate. One of the differences though, is that “normal” women feel guilty about it, then most of them further muddy the waters with rationalizations. ITLR, their feelings of triumph fade, buried under the morass of problems they created. (And of course most of them never recognize the part they’ve played in their own troubles, but they do understand that something went wrong.) Women like Ms. Perrette feel little or no guilt so they don’t need to fall back on rationalizations – they don’t feel any need to make excuses for behavior they believe is right.

Thank you, Suz. I likewise enjoyed your piece on the Friedman article. Well, enjoyed isn’t the right word as I don’t enjoy reading about these kinds of cases. Nevertheless, I thought it was incredibly well-written and sharp. Very well done.

justicehead

All three have been brilliant, in my humble opinion.

makeitstop

Agreed. However, there was one inaccuracy in that article

Falland

Tara,

First of all, thank you for your work. I had something very similar happen to me with the breakup of my first marriage. I would add something to your list. If you peel back one layer of this onion you will find a “feminist” lawyer or advocate who coached Perrette and Buell on exactly what to say. That is why their stories, just like so many other false DV charges, sound exactly the same. It is done for affect.

I am very sorry to read something similar happened to you, Falland. These kinds of things are truly Kafka-esque.

Would not be surprised if Perrette has received some coaching.

Cumbria

I would just like to send a shout out to Pauley Perrette and wish her a very happy 44th birthday today. I hope she is enjoying all the wonderful attention we are giving her this week. She sooooo deserves it.

Thank you, Kimski. Two women scorned certainly seems to have a multiplicative effect in this case.

SolitaryMan

Thanks for your thorough article, Dr Palmatier. It’s great to see your work getting more attention. I follow AShrink4Men.com, and it’s been a real eye-opener.

justicehead

Any word on sentencing?
Also, it might be a strange coincidence, but it also might not — that coyote’s arrest was in time for Perrette’s last birthday and now sentencing for her birthday. Also, Dr.Palmatier, do you know if these people think they are good people? Do they really feel abused in some way that makes them too crazy to be just downright evil? Perrette’s Twitter is all about her charitability and her great life. Do you think she really thinks she’s a decent human being or is this all a sick front?

JustJinxed

I’m not sure I give a care about this article or its associated one where it goes into length about the court case. These folks have lives and why we are focusing on them is beyond me. I could understand if you’re a personal friend of the family, but then I’d be offering my ‘expertise’ in the court room and helping to clear the air of what really transpired in hopes their divorce settled quicker.

This topic so doesn’t deserve over a thousand words 😛 Let alone the comments. A true testament to the amount of addiction we have to media and its actors.

And yet, in such grand irony, you are here admitting you have read not just this article, but another one, and are here commenting on how it is not worth paying any attention to.

Confused much?

justicehead

You think this about a divorce settlement? I see it as a story where you, as a tax payer, are being robbed by those who are using tons of tax payer money to promote some twisted agenda. There are other very useful and fascinating angles to this story, but for the “it’s not my business” crowd– think again. Not only can this happen to you but you are funding such injustice.

cuatezon

JustJinxed, I think you have confused the topic. The topic is emotional abuse of an ex-husband, manipulation of the legal system to punish ex-husband, lying, and potentially dangerous psychotic behavior of a HCP/Cluster B Personality Disordered female. Having a functioning, fair legal system work properly. Those are a few of the topics.

This specific case is being highlighted, as it is a microcosm of whats happening across the country in millions of men’s lives, courtrooms, and families.

While we cannot save Shivers per se, I personally feel when we all look out for each other and have each others backs, we support each other, and have a show of force per se that this kind of behavior and abuse will not be tolerated. Men, possibly including yourself, will benefit from the sharing of information and support like this.

makeitstop

He was put in jail today. Possible bail. Is this the end of your investigation or do you intend to continue with this story? Curious.

justicehead

Could you offer anymore detail, please. I am anxiously awaiting any new post that might explain why the cops and courts didn’t step in.

I hope the writers didn’t get bullied away. They are dealing with a scary bunch of characters.

Paul c

Quote ” The falsely accused targets of blame tend to be your average nice guys with nurturing and passive personalities. These men are unlikely to be socially aggressive or competitive and tend to lack insight (i.e., don’t learn from their mistakes) into their personal relationships.”

I am hoping Dr T can comment on this
I am in my early 40s. Only had 3 relationships.
First 16 years with posible covert NDP.
Before I became fully involved with the last one. There was an addictive quality to it. I felt I had to have it.
Can you explain why ? Co-dependance ?

I’ve been sitting back and studying the source materials and details of this whole media mess. I have to say that there are alarming aspects about justice not being met and a lack of due process – and on the balance of probabilities I also have massive reservations about Perrete, her history and personality.

There are two people involved here and neither is a saint, but sorry – there are features of Perrete’s behaviour that make loss of saintly portraits insignificant when they are more demonic and bedevilled. People accept lies – the massive lies they swallow whole.

1) One note that strikes very hard comes from the notes about “Star Struck”. It’s the age references that are significant – a pattern of Sociopathic behaviour being made manifest from late teens onwards, played out in public and no-one notices. It’s so common and yet so unknown as a reality. Perrete gets it spot on – even down to excessive reaction of a 20 something being ejected from a bar and responding by damaging the bar owner by Buying the bar and the Building. Most would just go down the street to get a drink elsewhere. For a Sociopath a negative event is a learning opportunity in how to gain power and control. Perrete knows that and fits it into her Drafts Drama. Where would she get such insight?

The patterns in the rough work on a screen play are Too Well informed, not only as to the progressive development of Sociopathy/Psychopathy but the unbalanced and excessive nature of such people’s responses. Note – Psychopaths are renowned for being vindictive and retaliatory in normal life (It is normality for them) – when there is risk of exposure or real exposure the reaction is Off The Scale. Sociopaths are Socialised Psychopaths .. they use society and social conventions to manifest their controlling behaviour and power games.

The only way people have the knowledge that Perrete displays is due to in depth study (Far, far more than just reading a wiki page) … in which case she would be well informed in all aspects of Sociopathy and behaviours… even defences. Else, if there is no study Perrete is revealing an internal drama that shows how she in informed – It’s her nature. Either explanation leads to different conclusions, but also places Perette in a light that is actually alarming and negative.

2) One major trait of Psychopathic/Sociopathic persons is Criminal and Entrepreneurial versatility and the willingness to use social pressures to drive others – using them as puppets. A great many assume that a person being targeted is treated like a puppet and this is false. It’s people who are disposable who are most likely to be treated as puppets and used to create damage. People are made into weapons to be targeted at the victim. That pattern is shockingly revealed in the reports of people associated with Perette. The report of Blaire Barnette (2007) of how Perette instigated a reaction in an airport – claiming that she had been passed a Suspect Package – instigating post 9/11 security aimed at Barnette who had in fact passed her court papers for Divorce. Perette was reported to be obstructing service of Divorce papers, which is odd as she claims she wanted out of the marriage but was not acting to raise a divorce case herself. So Perette is happy to involve others and groups such as airport security in High Drama to further her own interests and agendas… and she’s fast on her feet in doing it too! She had little time to think, but still made a Big Drama that caste her in the victim role receiving attention and support.

Barnette makes it clear that Perettee knew that Barnette had been in the twin towers on 9/11, and as such it was not just turning Airport Security and others into puppets and agents of Perette – there was a very deliberate attack upon the core nature and experience of another to cause damage and express power. The false report in the airport, making puppets of security, was defensive but primarily offensive and an attack upon Barnette using life experiences and knowledge to inflict emotional and potentially social damage … and all at high speed. That is just all too Entrepreneurial and Versatile to be glossed over. Alarm bells are Ringing and red flags getting hauled aloft all over.

Many in reading the affidavits would think Perrete = nasty Woman – but fail to make the jump to motivation. Mean’s. Motive and Opportunity. In attacking Barnette in the way she did, one does have to wonder at the Motive and the speed with which that Motive went from unknown to acted upon. No confusion, no delay, no shock – just action and defence. It’s an example of what I’ve heard referred to as the Socioapths expertise in Emotional Kung Fu – lighting fast and learned in advance to inflict injury.

3)There is repeated focus upon legal and social mechanisms that Perette is involved in – and analysis of the dynamics keep stopping at that level. Perette keeps highlighting the Emotional effects of claimed events upon her, and yet the Emotional Terrorism highlighted in just the Barnette/Airport security event shows the excessive nature of response which is quite literally flying over people’s heads and mind sets.

She’s making people look at the bruises on her knees and whilst they are heads down she is using flame throwers to induce full thickness 3rd degree burns on the people she fears. Distraction and misdirection are very common traits in Sociopaths, especially when they are able to make authority figures into puppets and yank their chains as if they are poodles.

4) The Lynch declaration/affidavit has a most alarming set of references to Perette becoming excited at her friend reporting that she was subject to Stalking by Beulle. Normal reaction is shock, surprise, even sympathy and concern for the person you label friend – and yet the imbalance of behaviour was so marked that It created such a lasting Impression. Having such a pattern highlighted publicly would enrage a Sociopath… but would also be taken as learning experience to not make such a mistake again in future. More significantly – that fact that Lynch was willing to make the deceleration, also admitting to concerns of other aberrant Perrete behaviour should not be underestimated. She de-facto calls Perette a liar – Vindictive – and even willing to use Antisocial activity such as theft of animals to purse here agenda against others. Given that most of the public simply dismiss reports of conduct indicative of Psychopathic nature as excessive and unreliable, Lynch’s testimony in fact has added weight and not less. Going on the record as she has done runs the risk of the person being abused and called nuts….

It it was a person reporting that they were aware of evidence that someone was a terrorist it would be treated with more respect – but report on a female emotional terrorist and suddenly it’s the person making the report who is risking reputation and not the person accused.

5) There are repeated references to a Forged Signature in a court document, relating to a restraining order obtained against Beule – the signature is Perette’s. I am led to believe that forgery of court papers is a rather serious matter, so one would expect any court having such evidence presented to first be alarmed and should the court lack Jurisdiction be recommending that Law Enforcement investigate and is appropriate raise criminal charges. It’s Bizzare that this matter is repeatedly raised by Perrete and her legal team, that the courts seem to take it as unproven evidence of some guilt by Shivers … and then nothing is done other than to allow The Poisoned Well of the Court Room to pass judgement. Again the Puppet making of others is significant.

What the hell is going on here?

It seems that Judges are trained in family law and even divorce law, but they are lacking one very serious set of training. That is how a small but significant group will due to their Sociological make up effectively exploit the Courts and legal process to commit abuse, harassment and psychological damage.

I know of only one US court case where a Judge has actually acted and stopped the court being used as a venue for abuse and manipulation. That was in the courts-martial over the Abu Ghraib torture and prisoner abuse (2003/4). Charles A. Graner, Jr caused the The judge, Col. James L. Pohl to call a full halt to proceedings – call a mistrial – and to require a full retrial because of what was recognised as Graner’s sociopathic nature and presentation of facts in ways that used others for his own amusement.

Any Judge who thinks that it could not happen in their court room is proof that The Law Is And Ass – and If you have an arrogant Idiot riding on that Ass Justice can never be done!

I’m also amazed at the controversy that has followed Perette about – how so many people (even one’s who died so suddenly after acting) have gone on the record in writing and said she’s at best a Rotten apple, and a worst a Bunny Boiler … and yet still she is being lauded and even protected by the Knee jerk of Feminism and certain feminists. Some folks just don’t know when to stop … and others just can’t stop themselves….. and the deafening silence on the subject from certain quarters is the most screaming proof of all that something is rotten and way too many people known all about it.

Why are the Tinsel Town media not all over this like white on rice? Answer – you don’t go to a toxic dump seeking Organic Veggies.

Mike C.

Dr. T, your article as well as the contributing articles have been outstanding. You have integrated fact, forensic science, psychology, and common sense into the writings that paint a very clear picture. I attended Mr. Shivers court hearing on Friday, 3/29/13 at the request of Paul Elam and Harry Crouch and asked to provide an objective and unbiased opinion based on my knowledge and experience. I prepared a report that is linked to Paul’s article, and as I always have for more than three decades, take very seriously my words that I include on any report with my name on it that I have prepared in my official capacity as a three decade law enforcement officer and my six years since in the private sector. I met Mr. Shivers who appeared to be a very meek and non-threatening individual. Based on my experience of confronting some exceptionally dangerous and violent individuals during my career, I would place Mr. Shiver’s threat level equal to that of 12-year old Girl Scout selling cookies in front of a grocery store. It is true that he has added to his woes along with his own bad judgment and his inability to keep his mouth shut. What I see here is an individual obtaining a restraining order (Ms. Perrette) who has a history of this and continues to demonstrate a multitude of personality disorders, just as you described, who has mastered the art of the restraining order. She knows the restraining order process better that Mr. Shivers attorney, and has used her celebrity status, her charm, and the ignorance, gullibility, and cowardice of the criminal justice system to create the perfect storm of restraining order abuse, or I think the better descriptive term would be “RESTRAINING ORDER TERRORISM.” This woman is a danger to society in general, as anyone who crosses her, will experience the wrath of the fine art that she has mastered. Sadly, our family, civil, and criminal justice systems have either been duped by her; have bought into this nonsense hook, line, and sinker, are cowardly and terrified of the shrills and screams of extremist feminists, want to keep the federal dollars coming in, or a combination of all of them. What escapes them is the fact that sometimes women fall victim to this as well as all types of people regardless of their sexual orientation or racial or ethnic background. I am hopeful that Mr. Shivers will take it upon himself to file a civil rights complaint with the USDOJ, and others victimized will follow suit. Maybe once the USDOJ gets about a million of these in a month or so, they will begin to take notice. It’s a good thing that these two don’t have any kids. Others who have been victimized in the same manner do, and it is heart-breaking to even think about what kind of quality of life those kids have to endure. I would try to appeal to the extremist feminists to think about those kids caught in the crossfire, but just like Ms. Perrette, it’s a useless tactic as they are of similar disturbing psychological make-up.

HollyColino

One thing I just found out about girl false accusers. I recorded this girl too just in case she tried to accuse me or the guy needed it. Here is what she did. “She admits to me that she is not in the knowing of her ex slashing her tires. She tells me she has made several reports about him to police and calls him crazy.(she herself is a cutter) (I questioned it, males do not usually slash tires or scrape cars, that is a more a female marking) She then wants me to record her calling him on my phone. I convince her not too contact him. She has been hearing good things about him and now wants to contact him. Allegedly he has been wanting to get back in contact with her. Her plan was to call him and ‘play’ him, she knows vulnerabilities, she was going to bribe him in order to get him to say he slashed her tires and then ‘kick him to curb’, file a police report again and use the recording to later file suit to get money. She is a welfare adddict her entire life, abuses illegal drugs and pity. I also found out that the car is legally her sisters.

HollyColino

Correction. “she admits she is not in the knowing if her ex slashed her tires, meaning she does not know if it was him or not but she claims she thinks he did.”

HollyColino

To Dr. J.

I read through your advice. I agree with everything in your post about SPaths and yes I do think that there is a cause within a victim that needs to be examined which concerns how they attract. I myself had a cause (vulnerability ‘button’) and that was abandonment that grew to wanting to save or never wanting to leave one hanging, feeling bad if one is alone allot. The SP used the ‘loyalty’ emotional manipulation tactic and unsubstantiated accusations. Long story short, I went into exile. I now have spent over a year correcting and healing the vulnerability through awareness and daily devotion.

Gordon Wadsworth

I’ve really fallen grievously behind on my AVfM reading lately, but I just wanted to say that this was an outstanding article, and very well researched. I read it last night and really enjoyed it.

Frankly – when dealing with pathologically disordered personalities the question of childhood experience is moot and irrelevant. They are not acting and abusing in the past as a child – they are doing it in the present as an adult.

The investigation of pathology over time from childhood has value in understanding possible innervations at child age level to prevent long term abusive patterns. Once it;s the aduylt abusing those intervantions simply don;t apply and allowing them to claim it could have all been different if only is simply empowering them to manipulate others emotionally and socially and redefine reality and their own supposed victim-hood.

If you allow the adult abuser the lea-way of claiming it was all caused by their childhood and nappy rash, they seek and very determinedly will exploit the victim role to excuse their victimisation and even criminal abuse of others.

When it comes to adult abusers they get treated like adults and they are held responsible as adults. If they wish to claim it was all due to nappy rash they can do this in a biography and see how many swallow the excuses.

On line they say Don’t Feed The Trolls – In the world of pathologically disordered personalities don’t feed the excuses and for sure don’t buy the Biographical Claims.

I don’t care how horrific one’s childhood is, when you prey upon, abuse and cannibalize others as an adult, you should be held accountable as an adult. It’s a slippery slope from having compassion for the injured child within to the full-on enabling of the Self-Pitying Sociopath.

In my experience, individuals with dysfunctional, abusive families of origin seem to follow three trajectories:

1) They become adult abusers.
2) They become the people pleasing/fixer/rescuer targets of abusers.
3) They shy away from relationships and people in general.

There are some remarkably resilient individuals who seem to be able to have good relationships with others, but I don’t think this is the norm.

feeriker

I don’t care how horrific one’s childhood is, when you prey upon, abuse and cannibalize others as an adult, you should be held accountable as an adult.

Absolutely no argument from me on that point. I am, however, still curious to know which background Perrette came from. What was her formative environment? Was it a “normal,” stable, two-parent family, in which case Perrette grew up to be a borderline sociopath despite the nurturing environment in which she was raised? Or was it the chaotic, dysfunctional single-parent-based (i.e., single-mother-based) model that has become the de facto norm? I’d be willing to bet, given what we now see, that it was something close to the latter, which would explain (though, again, certainly not excuse) much.

The latests research in the area of Socipathy/Psychopathy shows both Biological/Genetic components and environmental components.

A great introduction to the developing understanding, facilitated by fMRI and PET scanning was broadcast by the BBC – Horizon – 2012 – “Are You Good or Evil?” – http://goo.gl/MLqgr

(There was a full length copy of the BBC program on-line, but I can’t find the link right now).

I’s also recommend getting into the work of Professor Jim Fallon (http://goo.gl/iEf9J) – who has the genetics of a psychopath, in himself and his family. Lizzy Borden was an ancestor.

On the environmental front the most common factor has been seen as witnessing violence before age 8, and there are positive indications that witnessing all forms of IPV – domestic abuse/violence is an issue – and it can be mommy as the aggressor that makes little Mary an adult menace. Child abuse by mothers is also of major concern. IPV can be against the child by the mother – in fact it most often is the mother.

Mommy made me a psychopath has a ring to it, both in genetics and what mommy did to you as a child.

However – once Little Mary is of age and an adult making her own decisions, her choices are all that is relevant. Sociopaths/Psychopaths may have impaired emotional factors in personal control and decision making – they don’t have impaired reasoning.

St miracle

hahha just because you are a male ,so you can be put into jail without reason ,today’s society considers male as inferior animals ,full of sexism toward men

cuatezon

False accusations not only include rape, abuse, etc. Many, many more women make accusations of failure to pay child support, of being ‘dead beat dads’, of being drunk, lazy, stupid, etc. Charachter assassination of men is at an epidemic. Its also very destructive b/c most women and many white knights join the ‘possee’ to pursue the ‘offender’.

I was $8,000 (eight-thousand dollars) ahead in child support at one time. Did a rich uncle die and will me money? No! It was accumulated over the years b/c I voluntarily increased my monthly payments when I could. Its all a matter of public court record.

Yet my ex to this day accuses me of being a dead beat dad and still owing her money. She has gone on a smear campaign to ruin my reputation, b/c she knows the instant she tells people I’m a ‘dead beat dad’ then its over…99% take her side and instantly villify me.

Great article Dr. T. I still think you should get a Nobel Prize for your articles and insight.

I don’t care what anyone says but being a female with a personality disorder is not excuse for filing a bogus or vengeful restraining order. she’s a liar and a scum bag for manipulating the legal system the way she did. if you had proof that she lied to get a restraining order and filed a civil lawsuit against her no lawyer no matter how expensive he is could convince the judge that her gender and bpd is an excuse for why she filed a false claim. point blank. don’t confuse correlation with causation.

haze

don’t get me wrong i can relate to a certain degree. i was filed with a bogus vengeful restraining order by an ex boyfriend. i could get into detail but long story short he owed me money didn’t want to pay me back and didn’t like the idea of me demanding repayment so he filed a restraining order against me even had me served at work to keep me from collecting what he owes. not to mention him calling my boss and making up lies about me to try and get me fired, and making posts online with my first and last name telling the world that i was a psycho stalker who hacked into his android phone and email account so that i can read his personal messages and post stupid shit on facebook and prank call people. if i had the knowledge and technology to hack into his phone and email i think the only thing that could motivate me to do something like that would for financial gain. not to play silly pranks on facebook. i certainly would not hack his accounts because he is broke either way. it was funny he even gave me a psychoanalysis on facebook revealing to his 1000+ friends that i never even met to beware of me because i was a sociopath nihilist atheist with anti social personality disorder.

haze

this story is far beyond the extreme, but it is not as complicated as coming up with a label of HCP although it was well though out and i like it but bottom line a better acronym for this type of person is pos. point blank

DukeLax

The poison that has fouled up the well of justice in the United states…is the fact that American law enforcement now get extra federal pork bloating dollars for certain types of male arrest statistics…and get no extra federal pork bloating dollars for any types of female arrest statistics, which give American law enforcement an unconstitutional financial incentive to “pervert the course of justice”

BeenThere100804

Not all false accusers are women! I know of a very large man who accused his tiny wife of abusing him! With the help of an unethical lawyer and manipulating the legal he succeeded in making himself look innocent and he took everything from her including their children. To this day he uses the children to control her while he continues to abuse them. There a good and bad people regardless of sex.

driversuz

Gee, thanks for pointing to the tiny minority of men who abuse the family court system.

Yah, hence the legal system should be gender neutral. Gender biased laws are worst form of sexism- legislative sexism.

Mike Pops

excellent analysis

TrishRan

Pauley wouldn’t “walk away from her only way to make a living” even if she quit the series. She will continue to receive royalties for all the episodes already recorded every time they’re re-run on TV, ordered on Netflix/Hulu/satellite on-demand menus, etc.

rainfall2112

Tara, i want to thank you so much for your articles and videos. It’s helped me so much and have a ton of confidence dealing with a BPD ex. I knew exactly what to expect, when and why. These things always hurt more because we loved and cared for them so intensely that we’d never hurt them, ever, yet they accuse us of the things they themselves would do with similar intensity. Again, you have helped more than you know and i hope you know your contribution to the world is appreciated.

Man-Bun Ken Doll

WOW. The scenario of her script sounds just like Amber Heard and Johnny Depp.

Stronger Still

I’m a guy divorcing an abusive guy who has filed a domestic abuse restraining order on me…probably because he thought I was going to file one or perhaps just to get to me since I went no contact and he could not find me for over a month before he filed. I have proof that he has a Criminal Bench Warrant out for his arrest dating back 15 years. The question I would pose is …present it in my Response that has to be mailed to him and the court 5 days before the hearing in hopes that it will scare him away from showing up for the hearing….or to save it for the hearing to discredit him. I’d rather he not show up since being in the same room is likely to trigger me. He doesn’t have an attorney and most likely I won’t either since they cost so much and my abuser contributed to me becoming debt-ridden.