LivingSingleBlog

I have been LIVING SINGLE all of my adult life. I believe in WAITING ON THE LORD. It is not easy nor fun sometimes, but I shall be STRONG and allow my HEART TO BE ENCOURAGE as I wait.Many successful couples testify of the value of waiting and of the truthfulness that victory will come. Yet, few are eager to show their painful journey while they're still waiting. Here I want to share my thoughts and discoveries as I sit still and let the work in me happen while I am waiting.

No doubt that you’ve heard the saying that men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets, but do they really?​Queen freak a.k.a. Amber Rose has a show or shows and an ex-hubby! And Nikki got a ring?Does this open rachetness win the ultimate prize or not?

Well, what works is strictly according to the individual. If you like men like Meek (check the name) and Whiz then that may work for you as a female.

Some females prefer to leave private time behavior during private time moments. It is not necessary to express every emotion and action as they arise or are prompted.

My thought is everything can get old and boring if over indulged and exposed. Plus the type of man I am attracted to and the only one that I know regardless of their personality type needs to hunt and to protect. If I am freely and easily giving my prizes away, he has nothing to seek out nor protect.

True?

Starting out as friends and transitioning into the love zone is the ideal development of a respectfuland long-term commitment. Right?Last week the ladies of the talk show “The Real” touched on this issue. The ladies delved into the topic of “friends with benefits” and “situuationship”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUF0diljRW4.

Bottom line, many are talking and living without commitment. But, I am pro-commitment for many reasons that are evident in these Blog topics and in my first book.

So, let’s explore when two friends are attracted to one another then can they become lovers or remain “just friend” without ever transitioning?

Allow me to offer two answers.

1. Friends that are attracted to one another and remain in consistent contact will eventually seek or will cross the line.

Don’t think so? Look at some of our most favorable on screen depictions. ​Half & Half TV show now re-airing on Bounce TV that is centered on the dynamics of two half-sisters developing a kinship as young adults despite the younger sister’s mom breaking up the home of the older one, which is a very interesting topic to be discussed at a later date. But for this sake we examine the childhood relationship between the older sister (Monna) and her male friend (Spencer) that have remained so close that they not only work in the same profession as adults, but at the same company.

Through break ups and arguments, Mona and Spencer remained friends until one day they kissed. But did they just dive into their lustful feelings? No, the R E S P E C T that they’ve build for one another kicks in and makes them see that though their feelings may be worth exploring that because they are grieving lost relationships at the moment they must pause for now.There are other love stories that began as friends such as Brown Sugar, When Harry Met Sally, or Love & Basketball. For the couples in these stories, the friends blossomed into lovers, but not without their difficulties. Yet one piece in their foundation always helped the relationship survive – friendship.

2. On the other hand, only one person may have an attraction strong enough to want more. Unfortunately, there is also the possibility that one of the friends may decide to remain just friends. But figuring if the feeling is mutual can be tricky. When you are the one thinking that the friendship being developed is just the start of something more meaningful, how or more importantly when do you let it be known thatyou are ready for more? In my experience, I have known others whom have tried to make their friend jealous or to see if their friend shows a sense of curiosity or jealousy that they are dating someone else. Some have even “gone fishing” for answers from friends of their love interest.I have performed all such tests; but unfortunately, one of my crushes who received checks for every test I might add; was involved with someone else whom he had revealed was not as respectful nor loved as unconditional as he felt he needed. There in lied my problem, having had my father habitually cheat on my mother as well as having been on the receiving end myself, I was not willing to give him the out that he seemed to be looking for.

Baring these and other types of distractions, how do you know when you are in love with your friend?

Step 1: Look before you leapFormer Divorce Court judge Maybelline Effrim use to warn couples to “Look deep before you leap” as a safeguard to being disappointed when you later learn whoyou’ve married resulting in a costly divorce as appose to taking the time to know what you’re getting before taking the leap to marriage. Same principle applies for redefining a friendship. Kimberly suggest evaluating missed opportunities in the past. Perhaps those missed chances were indication that you are not meant to be. If that’s the case—and if this hurdle has since disappeared—then it might be a prime time to redefine your relationship. If, on the other hand, you two have had windows of opportunity to get intimate in the past and have passed them up, then maybe it was for good reason.

Step 2: Test the watersThis step goes back to the “fishing” expeditions mentioned earlier. Sometimes this can lead to a much anticipated discussion. However, it can also led to a very embarrassing and awkward turn in your relationship if the fisherman or woman is wrong.

Step 3: Make your moveOKAY,What’s next? Kimberley suggest that you try holding hands or just go right in for a kiss once the other agrees. I am more of the hunted personality type so I will wait to see what he is made of. I know many women today think that it is ok to make the first, second, or all of the moves. One of the 7 principles that is outlined in my book gives examples of how this approach can turn out and how a relationship can flow if a woman allows a man to lead more than she does.

It is rather surprising to see many woman who a year or so ago would tell me how old fashion my thinking is because they felt men didn’t mind them being as aggressive. But with the increase of men posting on Facebook and wherever they can be heard for women to slow down and essential get back in their places, these women are now arguing that women must allow men to lead.

Step 4: Steam things up!Next Kimberley believes that jumping into bed may seal the deal or that an attempt to do so may be too uncomfortable to produce the consummation. I say get to know this new you and have those conversations that lay a solid foundation instead of assuming that you know what the other wants just because you have been friends a long time.

Step 5: Announce your new statusChances are that your friends have already picked up on the chemistry and once it’s official, they will pick up on the romantic vibes as well. Confirming their suspicions may not be as difficult with others as it was with each other. Yet, exes and other hopefuls will accuse you of fooling around on the side anyway.

Often people are not as acceptable of experiences they have never been involved in or that one may not have worked out for them. But mostly this reaction is hurt. Especially for the exes and definitely if the exe is a shared parent. There may not be much that either of you can do to reassure them that you were not fooling around all along. But try to be patient by continuing to reassure them that you did not dishonor what you shared with them. Until they accept that your relationship merely progressed over time and you finally saw things differently.

As for my situation, the ideal result would have been similar to how Romeo Miller’s character responded when he discovered that his best friend, Keisha Knight Pulliam was in love with him while he was engaged to someone else in (The Love Letter, 2013) . He admitted the possibility first to himself, then to his fiancée and then directly asked his friend if the “love letter” that she wrote in a relationship column were her true feelings for him. Her response was not quite what I expected, but you’ll have to watch it to see how they turned out.

Whether friends for a while at first or not, the relationships that I know of that have survived over 10 -20 -30 years, all have a sold partnership or friendship as their common denominator. ​

Do you believe in these sayings?

‘”Whoever is carless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”

‘It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”

Trust is a large piece of the foundation in all relationships, professional or personal. Some friends move into being more than friends, still relationships rely on how strong the bond of trust is. The more one can trust others, the stronger the relationships.

How do you develop trust? Most relationship experts will agree that the more vulnerable both persons are willing to be, the stronger their bond. The problem for many is determining how soon should one become vulnerable? And at what rate should you expose your vulnerability or weaknesses?For a while I never wanted my weaknesses to spill into conversations as I grew up with lots of secrets that I internalized as being weak.

Later in life as I began to share freely with friends, they eventually used my weaknesses against me to “weaken” my confidence. Now I wait on that internal voice to lead me to help those that are seeking support.

Mostly I try to assess the nature of the developing relationship to determine the level of exposure that is required. But I know that there is no question that in order to sustain and strengthen a relationship, ALL involved must become vulnerable.

But for me, it depends on the type of relationship that each desires or intends on developing. You see if I meet a man randomly (with a friend, at the store, or just walking) I don’t know if we are compatible as friends yet. Simply because he may have introduced himself because of an immediate attraction, does not mean that he will like or better yet want what he learns about me. Therefore, mostly I listen to what he wants and watch his subsequent actions.

Most men will immediately tell you why they have approached.

This may be a bit confusing to both men and women these days, as the roles seem to have been reversed. Yet as a woman who has accepted her role as the hunted, if a man compliments a woman on her appearance in the first few sentences of meeting; even before asking her name, then it is clear that he has a strong physical attraction. As a result, he is not too interested at that point, in your abandonment issues yet or if ever.

It is then her responsibility to feed into his initial desires or to redirect them. That is why knowing who you are and what you want first is critical in the early stages of “setting up” a relationship (Chapter 2 in my book), because knowing who you are will clearly determine how best to respond next.

If I want to explore the possibilities with this new man, then I will redirect his focus by telling him more about who I am little by little (not too much ladies, give them time to process) and then, watch how he processes the information by his actions.

For example, if I begin to talk about my interest, live r&b or jazz music and symphonies yet he never ask me more about those interest or invites me to such events, then he is not attentive enough to my needs for me. At this point, I make it clear that any physical contact is nowhere on my radar and I back it up with no hugs, no kisses, and definitely no discussion about sex whatsoever. I know that sharing my intimate thoughts and fears is not what this relationship requires.

It all depends on what you expect and want from a new relationship or if anything. After every interaction with this new person there should be a period of evaluation to interpret the messages received as well as those sent, which in turn assist I. Determining your next move.

On the other hand, if I met a man on a professional level and eventually we became friends outside of work, in order for us to have moved from one level to the next undoubtedly required some level of vulnerability.

Determining when to go to the next level may seem complicated, but Married at First Sight Clinical psychologist Dr. Joseph Cilona broken down a formula for building trust quit simply as when ones’ actions are a direct reflection of ones’ words.

In other words If they walk the talk, they can be trusted. Even meeting family shows a huge level of vulnerability as most families are a reflection of one another. You should be very comfortable knowing who your love interest is before they are involved regularly with your family.

I would love to hear what you think?

Does this sound familiar? “Girl how did you hook such a good man like he?” “Girl, among other things I make his toes curl (Lol)!” What does that mean to you? And is that the “hook”? I have heard this explanation from a woman that claimed she and her short-term boyfriend where discussing (no ring to show) marriage. Although I had my ideas of what she meant by that, I wondered if that is what really convinces someone (man or woman) if this person meets their “perfect match” criteria. I definitely would have liked to ask her what she felt happened after he abruptly called off their relationship and she was crying to me about wanting to wait for him outside of his job in hopes to force him to give her some sort of explanation. Having been engaged a couple of times at that stage in my adult development, I questioned what she meant by that explanation out of ignorance. I had come to believe that some sex acts were for my husband. Not because I was raised to be a prude, but my life up until that point, was filled with sexual confusion so as I young adult and mother, it was my way of gaining some control over men. Yet I understood that all women and men were not seeking the same things in a mate. Today the trending lifestyle for some single ladies is to abstain from sex until they are somewhat securely in a relationship that is headed in the direction of a life-long commitment and/or marriage. There are tons of self-help books encouraging women how long to wait. For example at least for 90-days according to Steve Harvey’s “Act like a lady think like a man.” Since the book’s success, there seems to have been a wave of other authors (including myself, click on the HOME page to view my book); television shows, “Born Again Virgin” and websites devoted to empowering single woman to be respectful ladies rather than the commonly used labels of B’s either for B*%ch or Bird. But does waiting or abstaining equate to respect? I have heard a few men admit that they would rather have a girl give into her sexual attraction for him soon after they meet so that they can begin to develop a relationship. They contend that sleeping with them even on the first day, doesn’t mean that they don’t respect her. These men were also not married and prefer to engage in any sexual acts that satisfies their appetites. And often complain that these same women are possessive and jealous. So does that mean that this perception of being “easy” nurtured only in the woman’s mind? Still there are countless songs written by men that reveal little to no respect for women. Referring to them as Bs for their anything goes approach to sexual interactions. Still there are some women (and a few men) that have decided that enough meaningless sex or to clarify sex that clouds heir better judgment, which had they looked clearly before rolling in the sheets; they may have realized that there really wasn’t a future with that person, is enough. Or women who convince themselves that they aren’t the more emotional sex so they repeat that it’s just “sex” enough times to ignore the fact that they have only been having “sex” with one or more particular partners for nearly a year now and they wish one of them was more romantic. At some point in most adults’ life, they are tired of the same ole and need something more or at the least something else. One such web site dedicated to the practice of saving something for marriage, “Waiting till Marriage,” identifies three levels of abstinence. No Dating. What? The core value is based on the belief that there is one perfect person for everyone that has been preordained. Therefore, when these two people meet, bam! Instantly they will know that they are made for one another; thereby, fall madly in love and get married. What to do in the meantime, you may be asking? WAIT.Doesn’t compatibility include sexual compatibility? How are you supposed to find out if the sparks are there when you kiss, at least? Nothing! Well the next outlined level at least gives one a sample. Holding Hands & Kissing. This one may be more obtainable by newly devoted virgins. There is a dating period allowed as well as some intimacy. No second or third base though. Just enough to wet your whistle. With one more level left, you may be wondering what else can be considered abstinence beyond making out? When I learned of the last level, I was and am still confused. All but penetration is what the last one boils down to because oral sex is considered saving sex till marriage. Really! I don’t know about you, but sex in any description of intimacy is still sex because genitals are being inserted or are receiving stimulation and at least one orifices is involved. Born again virginity is a biblical concept in reference to unbelievers turning their life over to Christ through professing the one and true savior? The Bible also has a ritual that was practiced by the Son of God personally, known as baptism. The new Christian is submerged in a body of blessed water by an anointed Christian leader and upon their emergence, they are birthed into a new person with all of the power and authority granted by God through Jesus. It’s a metaphor that each born again Christian has taken the seed of God into their spirit, which will grow and develop into a man/woman of God much like the seed of Christ was planted into the virgin Mary who grew to be a flesh and blood man who walked in love despite his fleshly exterior. If all that it takes to start new is belief that old things have passed away and that the present is what you believe (perceive) it to be, then why do 90% of Christians engage in pre-marital sex? Well my belief as a women who is saving all my love for my good friend that accepts me as I am, yet loves me enough to want to grow to love me unconditionally is that I have no desire to teach sexual compatibility to my mate. Therefore, once we are on the same page and headed in the same direction, I need to know. I am not declaring virginity again, because I cannot unlearn what I know. More importantly, I wouldn’t want to. But knowing that I was the one who receives a personal treasure from my husband would satisfy my number one need of believing that no one is more special to his life than me.

Have you and a friend ever had issues, fell out, or “stop doing one another” because you or your friend became more involved with an intimate relationship? Perhaps even became engaged? Or better still married? Did some of the arguments sound like this? “You changed girl!” “You let MR. change you and now you don’t know your friends no more!”Sounds like shade more than concern. People are concerned more about the change in their routine than the positive change in yours that can lead to the building of an empire if the two who are in love, focus more on building than hanging on to others. The Principles As stated in my recent book, “The Seven Principles for Allowing the Man of Your Dreams to Find You? many of the issued that people experience in relationships (friendships, professional, or whatever) are rooted in uncommunicated and unrealistic expectations.TRUE OR FALS? People tend to focus on their needs as first priority. Heck, why wouldn’t I be more concerned about myself than others, Right? Well, as the moral of many children’s stories teach, we [ALL people] really only thrive in life when we do for others more than ourselves. “The Circle of Life” theory dictates that as I focused on others, someone else is focused on me. Thus the circle of giving continues. The same Principle works in adult relationships. When we give more than we take, we receive tenfold in return. Unfortunately, we tend to disassociate fundamental principles from our growth or lack thereof. The popular example of this type of relationship disconnection on recent TV is Phaedra Parks and Candi Burris from The Real Housewives of Atlanta on the Bravo Network. Last season, Phaedra began to admit on camera that the relationship between her and Candi wasn’t the same due to Candi’s lack of communication and connection since Phaedra’s recent marital issues all while Kandi’s family’s life was changing due to her prenuptial plans. Kandi discovered through one of the most unlikely co-stars to both of the friends, that Phaedra has expressed some kind of disappointment in her friend Kandi with this person.The unlikely co-star was original Reality Queen turned actress Nene Leaks, who tried to clarify during the reunion show last year that Padre had not betrayed Kandi by talking about her. TRUE OR FALSE? So does the fact that Mrs. Leaks made it a point to advise Kandi last year as she was inviting all of the ladies to a group therapy session, that she had some things to work out with Phaedra; provided the implications that some sort of communications had transpired between she and Phaedra regarding the riff.Despite the understandable fact that the pair connected and shared due to a common life altering event such as a separation and divorce. Did this need of Phaedra to seek understanding from a familiar ear, negate the fact that more was shared that probably should not have been? To continue the description, upon learning that there existed such an issue from an unlikely third party, Kandi went to Phaedra to discuss the issue. On television, Phaedra and Candi appeared to have identified that an issue existed and then settled it. Yet, later that season, Phaedra continue to display as well as to admit that a problem continued. And gabby n in the current season, Phaedra continues to express hurt by blaming Kandi for not providing the support that she expected. But did she ever really communicate those expectations to Kandi? And during the confrontations among the two friends, did Kandi address her concerns effectively? There are several questions to examine in this dynamic that were disregarded, either intentionally or not. QUESTION?

First, when a couple, especially those with children from previous relationships, join together to become one in every area of their lives, are previous prelateships expected to remain the same?

Now that we better understand the dynamic of Kandi and Phaedra’s friendship as a result of Kandi revealing this season that most of the “hanging outs and invites” were initiated by Kandi. As such was the relationship established with one giving more than the other?

Lastly, as the pending upset in a one sided relationship comes to a head, is Phaedra really more upset that Kandi was not there to keep giving to Phaedra to support of validation needs? So once Kandi needed understanding due to the many changes that her life was clearly undergoing, this type of giving back or reciprocity was too unfamiliar for Phaedra to acknowledge let along address?

POSSIBLE PRINCIPLES TO APPLY

Couples stand a better chance of building a solid foundation, when they rely only on one another to solve and resolve internal issues.

When two families have committed to join lives and the two leaders are merging into one solid, functioning unit; they must establish three basic guidelines or principles for their family;

Establish a respectable form of communication to address all circumstances.Example topics:Voicing concerns and expectations as they arise during the courtship of a friendship will establish boundaries. Just as there are safe sex words, safe argument words work well in a relationship when you disagree. Agree to remain respectable without name calling or hanging up. As adults, we must address issues regardless of how much we would rather put things off or have our way. We must be able to listen and consider the other’s point of view. Moreover; how will children and parenting be addressed? Let’s decide how to handle the visitation with the children’s other parent. How will we address issues with the other parent? At what point can the new parent discipline the child and how will discipline be handles?

Establish house rules and processes for handling daily as well as unexpected tasks.Example topic: What are the responsibilities of each family member? How do we handle emergencies? Who is our emergency meeting home, phone number, etc.?

Established couple time on a daily, weekly, and other basis.Establishing a date night or sometime every day to spend time together reviewing the daily happenings, planning for tomorrow, and just enjoying one another. Having a bedtime or schedule helps to ensure that alone time is spent with just the two of you.

When the two are just friends, some of the same guidelines will cause the relationship to be more productive and effective.

Establishing respectable communication will assist in avoiding jealousy or resentment. Could Kandi have not been so available and giving during the foundation building of she and Phaedra s friendship so Phaedra would do more initiating rather than receiving?

Remaining honest and authentic will build a solid foundation.

Every interaction begins with us as individuals. The question that therapist often pose to those seeking to understand how to form lasting relationships is “Would you be friends with you based on your definition as friend?” Try to examine how you treat others and how you respond as well. But more importantly, be patient with yourself and others. We are all part of a process.

The latest show on TV One, Born Again Virgin, explores the lives of three single women, Kelly (Megan Holder), Jenna (Danielle Nicolet), and Tara (Eva Marcille).These childless women are striving to succeed in today’s sex driven society. Kelly is successful in her career but not in romance. Tara is highly confident in her style and ability to soar as an actress despite her current dry financial state. And Jenna, the main character, is climbing up the online ladder of success sharing her dating journey that now involves abstinence. Undoubtedly, the show, which airs on Wednesdays at 10 pm on TV One, will reveal the pressures that Jenna faces from opposing points of views both internally and societal stigmas as she seeks to build a foundation in her truth of mind over matter. What came to mind as I watched the pilot episode where after meeting her neighbor one day and going on a date on another, Jenna already finds it difficult not to sleep with him?This after engaging in a passionate kiss after just meeting!If she is in her early 30s, has this been Jenna’s normal behavior since first dating as a teenager? More importantly, is Jenna an accurate description of most women her age? If so, is sustaining the answer to changing how we react when we meet someone to whom we are attracted? Have we (men and women) conditioned ourselves to act on our first inclination? I see and feel; therefore, I do! Isn’t this the line between how children behave versus the adults? Are not adults charged with the ability of controlling their urges and emotions or has society accepted more and more child-like behavior? In order to know better we must first identify the problem, but we must also accept responsibility for our actions. Acceptance typically equates to acknowledgment. My great-grandmother would always call us out and ask us to admit to the wrong that we did as a way for us to hear our mistakes from our mouths rather than just hers. Once we had admitted, she would offer love and encouragement as we sought to alter our behavior. I went on a sabbatical (as I like to call it) around Jenna’s age as well. This as a result of ending a long term relationship turned engagement with him and me becoming parents. My quest was to reflect on how I loved someone so much that I wanted to not only spend the rest of my life with him, but to be the mother of his children. Then have those goals revert back to me being a single mother. What I learned are things that I share in my book and blog (www.newbianblonde.com), much like Jenna. It hasn’t been easy to admit to my short comings, but I owed it to myself to find my authenticity as seriously as I search for being the best mother I can. Well done TV One for taking a step away from reality television to explore how this generation may begin to redevelop standards with a light hearted approach. Let us tune in and watch “Born Again Virgin” and see how Jenna reinvents herself and affects change in those around her as she leads by example.

Men are stepping up and requiring women to offer more than just a shiny presentation.

Just thumb through Facebook and you'll see men giving speeches about how women should respect themselves more, but are they offering solutions? More importantly, are they [men] offering to help?

The laws of cause and effect always exist in every interaction. Without Demand (the man) there can be no supply.

Men, what are you demanding? Is it for us to "shack it and bounce so you can pound it?" Or are you asking for forgiveness again and again as you continue to "act like a man?"

How we look at one another begins with the image that we create amongst ourselves. When the oppressor was calling our ancestors 'inhumane" and "less than cattle", our people kept their faith. When my mother had to get off the bus to give a white person her seat or my dad was continually called "boy", they kept their dignity and rose.

What are we going to do today in this land of information overload and self-centeredness? Are we "Still Rising" as Dr. Maya Angelou declared or are we "Falling" to self-hatred and to the love of fame?What are we doing to build one another up so that we can begin to think that we are the head and not the tail? Thenwe will begin to believe that all things are possible.Thereby, acting like more than conquerors.

Do men buy the cow if she gives the milk away for free? And how much is “free” or “too much?” I hear woman calling themselves their boyfriend’s “wifey” quite frequently as they reveal that they are babysitting his children or helping him pay to get his car fixed. Heck, I have even been that girl in the past. Although serving as an educator and dealing with emotional parents as well as being a young mother myself, I never wanted to risk being another woman’s proxy so I stayed away from his children. Another thing I have never done was live with a boyfriend to whom I wasn’t engaged. The result, four proposals and one roommate. Did those proposals come from my not giving too much or did the weddings not happen because I didn’t give enough? Lucy O’Brian whom has written many articles on relationships at Ezinearticles.com believes that women who give too much in relationships tend to push the man away because: If you give too much without requiring that you receive in return, he may well take your generous gifts but he will know subconsciously that you undervalue yourself. He will lose respect for you early on. He may well take advantage but then he will probably leave. This is because giving too much tends to come from a sense of neediness and inadequacy. If I give more, he will love me more. If I do more he will appreciate me more. She gives because she does not want to lose the relationship that gives her purpose. She is frightened to say no to him in case he gets upset and dumps her. Some examples Lucy gives as doing “too much” are: Doing his laundry Lending him money and giving him gifts Or sleeps with him too soon. She may put her own life on hold so she is always available to him and gives in to his last minute requests and demands.I know what some of your maybe thinking, those are just two women’s opinions. Okay then how about some research from a leader in relationships – eHarmony.com? In eHarmony’s advice column, the staff explored this concept in a piece that explores “Can you love too much?” It presented some pros and cons findings of ‘Smothering’ vs. ‘Loving”. The following is some of their advice: Smothering demands. When you smother, you constantly ask about the future, insisting on specific answers and results. You also demand attention or reassurance from the other person, requiring repeated statements of proof of their commitment level or feelings for you.Love patiently waits. When you love, you enjoy the present,allowing the other person and the relationship to progress at a comfortable pace. You wait for both of you to become ready for a certain level of intimacy, instead of asking for premature answers or commitments that can put pressure on the other person and scare him or her away.Sound familiar? All too often I have heard women say that they gave their boyfriend an ultimatum like “I want to be married before I am 33, so I can still have kids and if you don’t want the same, then stop wasting my time!” I have even heard men admit that they just “fell” into an engagement. Huh? How do you fall into marriage or a relationship?We will explore that topic on a later date. See if this one hits close to home for you or someone you know. Smothering tells another what to think or do. When you smother another person, you tell them who they should and shouldn’t spend time with. You check up on where they’re going. You expect them to behave in ways you want them to behave, sometimes even through manipulation.Love respects and encourages autonomy. Loving someone meansallowing others to be fully themselves. Of course it’s true that in a relationship, two people rub off on each other and help each other grow and evolve, but this process needs to be built on respect and appreciation for each person’s individuality.Take an honest look ladies. Be strong and do the work in order to do better.

Kissing is in fact foreplay or does "get the juices flowing" so if you want to see what his motives are and who he is as a guy first before you make a commitment (i.e. sex, exclusivity, etc.), then kissing on the first date sends the wrong message. Right?

Author

Life has taught pme the importance of guidelines and boundaries when raising girls. I had too many boundaries on one hand and not enough on the other. The results were years of abuse and pain. Now I understand and want to share my lessons learned with others that want to share and heal.