With something drifting and something shifting, the earth still held the sky.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Bad dreams, bad sleep

Nowadays, I am feeling exhausted all the time. I can’t sleep at night – I keep getting all these horrible dreams, keep waking up in a sweat, and now my tooth has started hurting really badly. Some unwanted change is afoot, I think. In the mornings, I feel feverish and my lips are dry and eyes feel scratchy. I haven’t been able to muster up the energy to go jogging or even drive to work. I just order a cool cab (I love the Meru cab service, by the way) and get to office. It’s good but it’s so expensive. I wonder how long I will be able to sustain this.

One thing that can actually throw life completely asunder is lack of sleep. I wish I could calm down. I wonder what I’m so tensed about. In fact, sometimes, all I am doing in the middle of the night is switching on and turning off my laptop. Then I yawn and my eyes shut and all these dreams begin. I see horrible tortured faces distorted in silent screams. And they have bony, outstretched arms, and I can sense someone throwing me on a railway track, and then some other pairs of hands pulling me from the track. It’s like whoever these creatures are don’t want me to die. They just want me to remain in the category of the living dead. I have never had these sorts of dreams earlier, when I used to eat meat. This vegetarianism just doesn’t suit me. But now, out of sheer impertinence, I will not go back to eating meat.

I wonder who they are. Maybe it’s the ICICI Home loan department. He he he! The other day a woman called me up to tell me that I qualified for a home loan. Would I want a loan?, she asked me. I said no. She insisted that maybe I could use a loan. I decided to come clean and tell her that I didn’t want loan, but I did want money. She said it’s the same thing. I said no, it’s not. Loans you gotta pay back. Money, you just spend. Do I qualify for that?, I asked her…Nobody qualifies for that, she replied glumly. And hung up. And now she and her colleagues are torturing me in my sub-conscious.