We started taking submissions for our fourth annual Law Revue Video Contest at the end of March, and now, just two weeks later, we’re ready to pass judgment upon the funny videos submitted by our wonderful readers.

This year, 23 law schools submitted 31 videos for the contest. Some of them were funny, some of them were “meh,” and some of them made us want to cry.

As usual, we’re going to be starting with the videos that made us want to close our heads inside of our laptops. And because I am one bad-ass bitch, I’ve been selected to critique them. Aww, don’t worry, I’ll try to be gentle.

The commenters, on the other hand… Let’s face it, your submission earned you a spot in the dishonorable mentions category. You kind of brought this upon yourselves, so get out the lube, because this might hurt….

Let’s lead off with two of the more spectacular failures in the bunch. We present to you these atrocities from Stanford and Yale, respectively. Sorry folks, but you really ought to stick to what you’re good at: being smart.

Way to make a parody of the worst scene in Forrest Gump. Gunning is not a team sport. Do law students in the T14 somehow have an appreciation for gunners? I refuse to believe that. Nobody wants to be a willing participant in a brigade of gunners — except maybe the girl who repeatedly raised the “wrong” right hand in the video. Yes, even Stanford has some ditzes in its student body.

And why the hell was Forrest Gunner getting a masturbation-style workout on with the help of his Shake Weight? Apparently you need strong biceps to highlight efficiently. At least this kid is kind of cute… for a ginger.

What the hell is this? Ye Gods, it’s an actual issue spotter. Yale, come on now, I feel like you’re trying to make me take a freakin’ test, and we all know that I’m not very good at that. Not to mention that this is the worst test ever. I was too distracted by Leonardo DiCaprio’s hotness to pay attention to the text scrolling across the bottom of the screen.

So no, I don’t know what the answer to this torts question is. What I do know, though, is that saying “and this happened, and this happened, and this happened, and this happened” isn’t funny — at all. I guess I just can’t appreciate the Yale sense of humor (if they even have one). Where’s Lat when you need him?

Here’s a submission from LSU Law. You can’t rap that well, but damn, do you look great in khaki:

Good Lord, is this where Bonobo_Bros go to breed? For the record, these guys are rapping about CALI awards, a prize you get for having the highest grade in a particular class. If you don’t know what a CALI award is, that’s because you went to a law school that rewards intelligence with more than stupid scraps of paper.

Also of note, this French guy kind of reminds me of Edward from Twilight, because I swear to God, I think his see-through skin is sparkling in the sunlight. And BTW, when you’re riffing on “Teach Me How to Dougie,” and your video features dancing, you lose major points for failure to do the Dougie!

Last, and definitely least, we’ve got a Lady Gaga rip-off from Cardozo. You got us all excited, but this was a major, major let down:

If you’re going to imitate a song by the patron saint of all things fabulous, it damn well better be fantastic. Needless to say, this wasn’t. I’d personally like to know what planet those girls had to travel to in order to purchase their horrendous outfits. When Lady Gaga puts on a ridiculous outfit, she makes it work. Girl wore a dress made of meat and she still looked good. The costumes in this video, however, were a complete wreck. They were almost as bad as the off-key notes at the end of the song. Unfortunately, these girls were missing the most important accessory of all: a bucket to carry the tune in.

That about does it for our dishonorable mentions, but not to worry, some schools knocked it out of the park this year. Check in next week, when we will unveil the finalists for the reader vote!

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