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In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!!
Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could.
I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Saturday, April 6, 2013

F is for Fatness

F is for fatness. As in, my ass has achieved maximum fatness. It's been creeping up on me for awhile now and since I can't see behind me I chose to ignore it. The time has come when I can no longer ignore what has become of my posterior, yet I can't really find the motivation I need to do anything about it. What a conundrum!

Even the kittens in my care, are destined to be fat.

DUDE.

In the past, I've taken some interesting and somewhat drastic measures to loose weight. For example, once I only allowed myself to eat meals while sitting in front of a mirror. Nothing kills an appetite faster than watching you feed your fat face. Another time I lost weight by telling The Husband to take a picture of me in my bathing suit. Then I taped that big bitch right to the front of the refrigerator. Every time I came close to opening the frig, I would simply have to turn around and walk away. Unfortunately, all of the scare tactics I have successfully used before, are no longer working their magic.

What's changed? Perhaps it's my age. Maybe it's because I can no longer exercise like I used to and I feel like it's hopeless. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I've been hanging out with a certain group of friends who are larger than life and don't give a flippin shiz about being fat. They look at me and say, "You call that an ass? That ain't nothing. You be tripping!" When they go out, they hold their heads high, and own it! They honestly feel good about themselves and not only do they feel good but they will flat out tell you, "Damn, I look good today!" Man, I wish I could adapt that attitude and confidence indefinitely, (it's truly unparallelled) but that's not me. And deep down, I know I'm in trouble.

The fatness needs to stop- I have gone way beyond a weight that's healthy for me. After months of doing nothing to curb the fatness, I have no idea how to flip that switch and start doing something about it again! Honestly, you would think I'd be desperate to do something now that my thighs are stuck together and are chafe, chafe, chafing away. But that motivation hasn't magically happened, yet.

Excuses, excuses. Here's where I dump a ton of them on you. At some point or another in my life, I've given just about every diet known to man a go. But I don't do well on any organized diets, like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. My stint on WW was very short lived. If I had to describe the experience using only two words they would be: Epic Fail. I ate all my points for breakfast and had none for the rest of the day! And don't get me started on all the diets that cut out carbs forever. Seriously? What's the likelihood of successfully inspiring this Italian girl to give up bread and pasta forever and ever? Not bloody likely! So, yeah, I'm not really all gung ho to go sign up for any diet plans.

So, what to do? what to do? Here I sit, on my ginormous bum, stuck in this odd spot, knowing I really need to loose the weight, yet piling on the excuses why I can't and lacking the overall motivation necessary to fight the good fight. I guess the bottom line is despite the ever-increasing size of my ass cheeks, I haven't quite hit rock bottom. Can any of you relate to this feeling of being caught in the middle? Ever feel like just giving up on your battle against fatness? Have you come up with any great excuses, like me? Or maybe, just maybe, you are like my rare and wonderful group of friends who can cruise through life happy, not giving a flying frig about their weight, because no matter what, they know they look good!

I don't advertise my other blog much (mostly because I don't write there often, but I'm trying hard to get back to it), but you might find some inspiration there. The small series in January entitled 'Motivating Amy' might help the most. By the way, I am a gym instructor :-)

I discovered the free online programme FitDay which counts calories for you. I just enter everything I eat, which is a major way of fighting overeating, and it tells me how much I have eaten. It gives you a calorie balance which is your resting amount. If you can come in around 500 calories below that mark, all will be well and good. I have lost 12 lbs. and the only exercise I do is bowling twice a week. I am unable to do much else.

Hi, Jaybird,I've been fighting the same 40 pounds for 20 years and its never become any easier. It's way easier to be determined to exercise than to actually do it. Gonna try and get back on the wagon next week and hope I can grab hold and stay on.

No advice from this quarter. I'm not at the place yet where I don't give a hoot about what's happening in my nether regions. :)

Feeling good about yourself like motivation come from inside. I really, Really, REALLY believe that you have to feel good about yourself FIRST and then you find the motivation. You need to love yourself enough to JUST DO IT. Whatever particular form of 'doing it' works for you.

Bet you didn't want to hear any of that, huh? Me neither. But I do believe that it's not hitting rock bottom or hating how you look enough to cut back, but loving yourself enough to make the necessary sacrifices. It's about LIFESTYLE changes both in what you put into your pie hole and what you take out of your heart.

You have such a great heart a love for others. Turn a little of that on yourself and see what happens.

What to do? Baby, if you want to loose weight and not to get it back again (which is what most of the drastic starving diets do) you really have to learn to eat and balance your diet. You have to brain wash you that staying fit is not about a 3, 6, 12 month strict diet on cow's food. It's about changing your customs all together and choose your food wisely.

Feeling confident about your body image, not matter your size is great. God made us all, and he made us all beautiful. But if you want to make a change, do it, just don't try anything drastic. Try cutting out a soda a day, an extra helping of ice cream, and move that fabulous butt-even if it's only 10 minutes a few days a week. For most people, it's the huge diet change that is impossible to maintain past that first week. So take baby steps, ridiculously easy ones even. Once they're mastered, do a little bit more. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon:D

Only one thing works - change the way you eat permanently and exercise. And it doesn't have to be hard exercise - even just a thirty minute walk makes a difference. So does cutting out things like sodas. You have to do it for YOU though.

The key is to -not- diet, but to change your lifestyle and eat healthier. It's something my wife and I have been going through for the past few weeks.

If you have Netflix streaming, look up a documentary called Hungry For Change. It will make you look at food and, especially, processed food in a whole different light. Another good one is "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead".

I'm with everyone else, it's all about portion control, what you eat and how much you work out. It's the easiest to say, the hardest to actually do. What's been working for me is keeping track of it on a fitness app. I write down everything I eat for the day...it's amazing how much I pop down the chute without really paying attention. Good luck!

Oh, I wish we lived near one another and we could go walking together! It would be fun, and healthy!

I can relate, it's so hard sometimes. When I am doing really well, it is all because of pre-planning. I make a couple of healthy meals on a Sunday that I can take for lunches that week. I plot out on the calendar which days I'm going to work out. I pre-cut a bunch of veggies, so they are easy to grab. When I'm doing poorly, I have nothing prepared, and I run out and get fast food, or I stop and get takeout on the way home from work.

Also, I like to keep GREAT pictures of myself at my skinniest on my fridge as motivation. I just put a bunch up again to help me lose my winter weight :) I think positive reinforcement works better for me than negative.

A brilliant woman (I believe it was Elizabeth Seckman) posted on New Years about weight. About how she'd like to lose weight, but if it really mattered to her she would have. That if she really thought about it, it must not be that important to her. Because the things that were important to her she worked hard at! I've actually thought about that a lot since I read it. Because it's so right. I see that in myself and it's helped me to realize I really am okay with how I look. I know you work hard on what matters to you, so maybe you really don't mind your weight as much as you think you do. :)

As I read your post, I was working my way through a bag of "Lay's, Sweet Southern Heat Barbecue" chips. Did that stop me from eating them knowing that I was in the same spot? Heck no. It's a total carb binge. In fact, I had to stop in the middle of posting this comment to get another. Change only happens when you are ready. Right now, I am fine with the larger derriere. Tomorrow might be the day that I am not. In the meantime, I have changed the tape in my head that says I'm fat to one that says, I'm alright with who I am but I can get better. I am also thankful that I am not like my husband who has no butt at all. There is a silver lining, I don't have to have a belt collection to keep my pants up.

Personally, I agree with your friends who own their weight with pride. Body acceptance is something I've been looking into a lot recently, as I've gained more weight than I did in pregnancy. I'm trying to find a way to be happy with my body, because frankly I'm too lazy to exercise and love food too much.

Thanks so much everyone for the kind comments. The battle of the butt is one I have and always will, just have to continue to fight. I really do appreciate all of the support and words of encouragement!! Thanks again -Jaybird