Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Yesterday I was working in the Cambridge Public Library. I took a break from what I was doing to peruse the craft books section.

The Cambridge Public Library looks like Hogwarts

At the end of the aisle is a big, old dirty bum sitting on the floor reading a book while wearing plastic, rubber gloves. I wonder to myself why such a dirty old man needs to wear rubber gloves. Is he really that worried about getting germs at the public library? Then I further wonder if it was the library that was worried about getting his germs on their books. Maybe the staff asked this poor, hygienically-challenged man to wear the gloves if he planned on touching their books? The second scenario seems more likely to me. Either way this guy is in pretty gross shape. Needs a shower...and a change of clothes...and a haircut.

I saddle up in my knitting books and quietly flip through a few of them...too quietly perhaps. After a few more silent minutes go by the man in the corner rips the loudest, wet-sounding, big ol' dirty, butt-flapping fart you ever heard. It echoed ghostly through the old stone library walls. It was so loud I jumped out of my shoes and gasped/shrieked out loud. The man in the corner who I am assuming did not realize another human was near him responded to my reaction with the second loudest, wet-sounding, big ol' dirty, butt-flapping fart you ever heard, followed by a grumpy and muffled "jeeeee-zus christ!"

I have not decided whether he meant "jeezus christ, lady that didn't warrant a scream," or "jeezus christ I just pooped my pants." The second scenario seems more likely to me...