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Posted by Linda on December 15, 2000 at 18:42:00:

Hi everyone. I have not been on the board in a long time. Could someone help me? Am I Anorexic? I am 17 and am a Senior in High School. I am 5'3.5" and weigh about 123 lbs and I feel overweight. My dream weight is 90lbs, but lets face it, that's never going to happen. I do want to get down to 110 lbs though. I don't really think about food all the time. I just starve for a long time, and then sometimes I binge, but never purge. I have thought about doing it, but I really don't want to mess my teeth/mouth up. Besides, I've had so many strep throat tests, I do not gag anymore when I touch the back of my throat. I am a dancer, so I really need to be thin. I hope to be on Broadway someday. I look in the mirror and I have the fattest butt/thighs in the class, and I know they're not THAT bad, but I want them skinnier. I also know I am not fat, I just feel like I am sometimes. Whenever I eat I feel guilty, and I tell myself I do not need anymore food.

I usually eat for the 1st time in the day at about 3:30pm. I get up at about 6:30am cause school starts and 7:30am. I do not like to eat in school and I don't really like anyone to see me eat. I'm always afraid they'll think I eat like a pig. Sometimes I only eat that one meal after school, and it's usually very small. It depends what kind of a mood I'm in if I eat dinner. I have been so stressed out at school, and my father lost his job, but now has a part-time job while he looks for a new one, and somehow I feel like it's my fault he lost it. I've been talking to my school counselor and she thinks I'm depressed, but on the path to an eating disorder. Sometimes I feel so guilty I don't want to eat, or I'm upset or stressed. A few times I will feel to fat to eat, but I'm not trying to look like Ally McBeal, I just want to be thin. I feel like I cannot do anything right. My grades have dropped, and all the kids can dance better than me/play the piano better etc. And I know I'm not bad at it at all. I know I cannot dance that well because I'm always tired from not eating. Yes, physically tired, as if I'm running out of energy,(I've even been so tired as if I'm not getting enough sleep) although I've been trying to eat more latly so I have more enery in dance. I know I've slowed my motabolism down and I don't want this eating thing to take away my Broadway dream, or I don't want to end up in the hospital or get a heart murmur or something else serious. What should I do? I'm afraid I'll gain all my weight back if I start eating more cause of my slow motabolism. Am I anorexic?

Sorry if I bored anyone and thanks for listening. I appreciate any replies.