Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

March 01, 2010

24

Here is where we stand:

Last week Generic Islamic Republic President Sham's treacherous brother Farhad delivered the Lethal Atomic Rods of Doom (LARDs) to a guy named Ali, who told Farhad that he plans to turn them into a dirty bomb. Farhad pretended to be all for this but then fled into the dense jungle wilderness of Queens, where – displaying a complete disregard for his own safety -- he called CTU to come rescue him.

Meanwhile a Justice Department lawyer named Miss Smith, acting on the orders of mandatory White House scumweasel character Rob Weiss, tried to get Renee to take the fall for CTU's continuing inability to successfully execute any operation more complex than adjusting the thermostat. This displeased Jack, who tried to free Renee by calmly reasoning with Miss Smith while pinning her to the wall by her neck. But then Jack got tasered and, for the 2,038th time, taken into CTU custody. He got himself and Renee released by agreeing to head the effort to locate Farhad and the LARDs, which would be a good name for a rock band.

In subplot action:

Highly qualified but increasingly annoying Agent Dana Walsh went to another remote forest location in New York to shoot her ex-boyfriend Kevin in his trailer, but was prevented from doing so by Agent Freddie Prinze Jr., who intended to take her away but wound up shooting Kevin's sidekick Nick to death after Nick stabbed Kevin in the stomach (not fatally, unfortunately) which caused Dana to indicate that she still Has Feelings for Nick by cradling him in her arms, no doubt causing Agent Prinze to consider shooting her, which at this point would probably not overly distress the viewing audience.

Neither President Woman President nor President Sham showed up in last week's episode. We don't know what they're doing, and we don't want to know

Be advised that I'm meeting Mrs. Blog's flight tonight and will not be joining you. But you have each other, down there in the comments section, and of course The Amazing Steve will be on hand at the conclusion to weave his special magic.

Meanwhile, here's a poll:

What the heck ARE President Woman President and President Sham doing?

Firing their agents.

She's showing him the secret underwater frogperson entrance to the White House.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter... 's wedding... on the day of your daughter's wedding. And I hope their first child be a masculine child. I pledge my ever-ending loyalty.BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!I'm gonna make him an offer he won't refuse.BLEEP!BLOOP!BLEEP!BLOOP!It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business.

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™'s about to make an offer to FreckleSack™ that she can't refuse...") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ just wants to scream at JackSack™, 'WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!'.")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This season's "24" intros are brought to you in memory of my dear friend Michael "Sparky" Bushaw, who passed away the day after this past Christmas. Sparky, my fraternity big brother, best man at my wedding and best friend for the last 20 years, was the one person with whom I watched "24" when it originally premiered on Fox. Always a fan of the show, I believe it fitting to dedicate this season in his memory. Rest in peace, brother...I miss you!