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expectations

I love this post, it is so true, all that are grieving feel this way and it is so hard to put into uncomplicated and understanding terms but Owens mom did right here. I remember 3 distinct moments in our 1rst year of grieving our beautiful girl. The 1rst was only 6 weeks or so after and the person a very close relative said “so, are you over all this Lily thing?” What!? Our minds were baffled. Another was 3 months after Lily died, a friend (not anymore) said ‘you’re not getting all sad again are you’ like what was my problem! and the other was 6 months after, another close relative, commented that my husband and I were angry and it didn’t have to be that way, really I thought? Yes- we were angry, very angry! still are at times, it was as if that person had/has no idea what grief or the stages of grief are. Now looking back I am blown away that anyone would assume grief has an ending especially, under one year. Because now, 3 years later, though my waves of grief are much fewer they are no less intense when I get taken under by one.

Shortly after Owen died, we learned that people would begin to have unrealistic expectations for our grieving hearts. That after some magical time period, chins would be expected to be up. Smiles adorned. Other babies wooed over. A hop in our step, whistling while we walk, while we ‘move on’ to a happier place with them. We did not want to believe this.

Not even 6 months on, and we can see it happening. We are still supported, loved. We definitely feel the care from our community. We do. We also know this will dissipate, that this elusive ‘time’ will prove an enemy to our support. That it will not serve us, nor offer any respite.

I understand that, while our lives seem to have stood still, life has continued on for those around us. That with life, comes struggle. That people handle grief differently, some opting to avoid it entirely. I have acknowledged that we are not taught…