Jesus Got a Haircut!

I'm impressed! The last time I saw photos of Jesus, he had long flowing locks. Damn hippie! Tonight I came home to this circular:

Almost trendy! At least it's not a mullet!

Jesus has really cleaned up his act. A goatee would be better, but hey, this is 2013 and full facial hair is in again. Plus, it's nicely trimmed, if full.

I remember reading somewhere, Jesus didn't really have the Tiny Tim hair style anyway. Something about, being a carpenter, the long hair was in danger of getting caught in his band saw or power drill and then he would need to miracle himself.

Not sure of his ethnicity - Alsatian maybe?

Well, at least everyone is smiling. They all have nice white teeth, too! Another of Jesus miracles, detailed in the book of Crest.

Then there's the 6-pack abs. How did he get those? Must be the fishing. Hard work hauling in those nets. I haven't had abs like those since I was 33.

Probably not the response the mysterious visitors wanted. I wish they were here so I could discuss "Brad Pitt Jesus" with them. He's much sexier than he was before his make-over.

Maybe next time. I always think of the best thing to say hours, even days, later anyway.

Replies to This Discussion

There is a sexual undercurrent in Christianity whether or not you read this particular hymn that way. Nuns are called brides of Christ and wear wedding bands. Saint Catherine of Sienna is supposed to have received Christ's foreskin from the Lord himself as a wedding band in a vision of ecstasy. Saint Teresa described a vision of ecstasy in which Christ or an angel was piercing her with his long golden spear and making her moan:

I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the iron's point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it. The soul is satisfied now with nothing less than God. The pain is not bodily, but spiritual; though the body has its share in it. It is a caressing of love so sweet which now takes place between the soul and God, that I pray God of His goodness to make him experience it who may think that I am lying.

Even in the Old Testament we find in the Song of Solomon a verse that is very suggestive:

My beloved put in his hand by the hole [of the door] and my bowels were moved for him.

We are told that this is describing the relationship between Christ and his church. Needless to say these aspects are not emphasized in Sunday School lessons.

All xian denominations try to get away with that bullshite about the Song of Solomon. They seem to forget that Solomon (or whoever wrote that erotica) lived hundreds of years before Saul of Tarsus invented Jesus.

Dr. Clark, would you mind giving me the cite to that Song of Solomon verse? My Dr. has me on some new medication, and I could sure use him putting his hand by the hole [of the door]? Nothing else seems to be working!