Subscribe to this blog

Subscribe to updates and blog posts!

Our Adoption Story: Part 2

Once we decided to maybe pursue adoption I started to do my research. I had never heard of a stepparent adoption before. I didn't even know if it was possible or how I would go about getting it started. Not to mention - the cost.

The first thing I started to research was if this was even possible. I soon realized it was...but even under the worst circumstances it would be hard unless the other parent voluntarily signs the kids over. However there are some cases in which the courts will take rights away and give them to someone else: abandonment and lack of child support are a couple of them.

And it makes sense. I mean, if you have kids and you're not taking care of them and making sure they have food, shelter, and clothing, or if you have children and you don't see them - that's neglect. As the custodial parent, if I didn't feed, house, or clothe the children, they would have been taken away. It's illegal to starve, abandon, and not provide housing or clothes. So it's only fair that the non-custodial parent (the one who is supposed to pay support or has visitation) has the same consequences.

I believe in the state of Minnesota abandonment is considered lack of contact for 12 months. Don't quote me on that- I have zero experience in Family Law. That is just the research I found.

I connected on Facebook with a friend from high school whose sister went through this same process and a similar situation. We IM'd and I got a good feel as to how this all could go down. It was so helpful and really gave me hope that this was possible.

The cost of doing an adoption like this is similar to doing any other kind of adoption. I knew it would be hard to afford for us but luckily I work for a really great company and so does my husband. Both of our employers offer Legal Benefits and Adoption Cost Reimbursements. The benefit is something you need to enroll in during open enrollment. So once we knew we were going to try to move forward with this, we both enrolled. It's a flat fee we each pay per paycheck. I knew that even if this adoption didn't go through, I'd need help making sure that in the event of my death my kids wouldn't be split up and that any insurance policies or money left to them was in safe hands, so either way taking out the legal coverage seemed like a good idea for both of us.

After the first of the year it had almost been 2 years of no contact and child support arrears were growing and growing. We had the legal coverage in place so I started to look into the benefits and what it would cost. I also looked into the adoption reimbursement. The adoption reimbursement through my employer would not be eligible for this situation because I wasn't adopting anyone and that benefit didn't cross over to my spouse. When I spoke to HR and explained what we were doing, she had never had an employee ask that question and had to do some checking. But in the end it was determined that because I wasn't doing an adoption, it didn't count. Next I jumped online to the our legal benefit groups website. Right there it stated that they covered Step-Parent Adoptions! All the lawyer fees would be covered as long as I used an attorney in their network! So I printed a list of local attorney's and started down the list calling them all. Since I had talked to my high school friends' sister, I knew that it could be tricky to find a lawyer that would actually take a case like this. It tends to be messy and difficult. So I was nervous. I eventually found an attorney that specialized in Family Law but had never done a case like this. She did, however agree to take it on. We would have to pay filing fees, any fees related to notices being posted, and of course the fee to change documents and names. But that's it! This was definitely doable for us!

The lawyer took some information from me about our case and then we got started on it. It was slow moving at first. All of this stuff takes time. And because she was unfamiliar and I had no idea what to expect it seemed to move at a snails pace at first.

She needed as much information from me as she could get about me, the boys, their bio dad, and of course Rob. Rob would need a background check and any run-ins with the law would be dug up. And I mean, ANYTHING. She needed records of addresses from us, and anything I knew about their bio dad. She also needed arrears records and proof and records of any interaction we had with him - reaching out via phone calls, Facebook, email, anything. Any kind of effort on our parts (or the boys' parts) to try to get a hold of him. Also all my correspondence with the Child Support Office to make sure I was cooperative with them as well as The State of Minnesota.

The most important piece of this process was notifying their bio-dad that this was all in process. But first - we had to find him.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Medicine tells us "Breast is best." Society tells us to say "I am woman, hear me roar". So here we are - Empowered. Educated. Employed. We're making our own money. We have careers. We have husbands. We have wives. We have babies. Sometimes, we do this whole gosh darn thing ON OUR OWN as single moms. And then when we have babies we say "OK, I want to breastfeed! But...wait...How do I breastfeed if I'm gone 8-12 hours a day away from my baby?! I can't go back to work after 6 weeks! I need more time home.We need to bond. My milk is still regulating and my baby isn't sleeping! My incision isn't healing." The United States heard our cries - loud and clear. But instead of giving us what we wish we could have - a more plausible, realistic maternity leave option - they gave us the opposite. They made it easier for us to co…

mem·o·ryDictionary result for memonoun 1. the faculty by which the mind stores and remembers information.
Memories are strange.

Some you can't remember. Some you can't forget. Others come back in waves or at odd times, without warning. Following no rhyme or reason. Some are triggered by sounds or smells.

This past Valentine's Day I was up early per usual. I set out Valentine's Day gifts for our kids. It's something I've done nearly every year. Nothing big. Just some chocolate, little items from the dollar section at Target and energy drinks for the big kids. Valentine's Day is about love, after all. I don't give one flying you-know-what that it's a made up Hallmark holiday. I love it and I think it's a nice way to surprise those you love most.

After I set out all their little Valentine's Day gifts, I poured my coffee and plopped down on the couch to scroll Facebook before having to start the morning wake-ups. I came across a post in one of my …

The pride and
gratefulness I have in regards to the relationship I have with my brother Tony
is incomprehensible. He is a champion. He is trailblazer. He is, in short, one of
my favorite people. I am 13 years his senior but we are the best of friends. He
loves to write and I love to read his writing. He's had to overcome some
setback throughout his life and reinvent himself a million times over. He was
born into an extremely conservative family and community which proved to be a
hurdle that he not only overcame but completely demolished.

I always say
that he is the best thing that happened to our family. He changed the way
we saw people and the world. He taught us what unconditional love means.

I am honored and
proud to publish this piece that he wrote. He's been sitting on it for a while
and finally had the courage to post it and wanted to do so on my blog. I'm
ecstatic to do so. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.