Kidz Bop Sings Monster Ballads: Because You’re Never Too Young To Find Out Who Sebastian Bach Is

May 17, 2011

Out today: Kidz Bop Sings Monster Ballads, in which the child-themed cover-record series takes on the soppiest hits of the era when Headbangers’ Ball and Dial MTV looked a lot alike. And hey, there are a lot of quality songs from that time period that kids should at least get a sampling of before they’re of age to get all the sexytime references within–Tesla’s always-smile-inducing “Love Song,” Skid Row’s octave-defying “I Remember You,” White Lion’s crunchy “Wait” (I don’t know if I’d call that track a ballad per se, but I guess “When The Children Cry” was a bit too heavy). But it may not surprise you that the real star of the disc is the always-ready-for-the-spotlight Bret Michaels, who has even brought his daughters along for the ride.

Bret takes on guitar duties while his daughters Jorja and Raine handle vocals on “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” Now, those of you who remember the original might recall that the song opens in sitú, with Michaels and his estranged partner “lie silent still in the dead of the night.” Well, in the Kidz Bop version, all the two are doing is sitting–and later, “making love” is switched up to “making up,” while “to see you cuts me like a knife” is switched up to “to see you hurts me and my pride.” Can’t wait for the all-uptempo-hits sequel to this album, when the Kidz Bop censors have to re-innuendo their way around–naturally–“Unskinny Bop”!