If you are happy with who you are, it won't matter if you're "normal" or not. And incidentally, those who are unique and happy with themselves tend to be the most attractive people.

I'm surprised to read that from you, too, Magellan! And happy! i hope you are able to say that is a description of YOU!

"i am unique - just like everybody else." - i love the irony of this statement. we are all different - that is why it is so wonderful to find others who have points of similarity in thoughts, feelings and experiences.

i have always felt different. i used to feel bad about that. now i am beginning to accept and appreciate it.

LEE

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho

This is a good topic. I always wanted to be "normal" after my abuse and have strived for it. For me, I consider normal to be highly functioning, stable and doing things in my life where I am not paralyzed by fear.

I never wanted a normal, mundane life. Even before my abuse, I wanted an exciting life. Some men really getting into the role of husband and dad. Going to parent teacher conferences, working on the yard on the weekends, etc. That was never me.

I always wanted to grow and challenge myself. I liked hanging out at my favorite restaurants in Laguna and La Jolla, shopping in Montreal, taking a long walk on the beach in Maui, etc. I enjoyed being totally free to do what I want.

Do I want to get married . . . one day. But I don't want to be stifled doing traditional life procedures. I enjoy the spontaneity of doing what I want. So, I feel normal in my head, but I don't like to do traditional activities of a suburban man. I'm having too much fun right now. And it will only get better and better.

There are a lot of suburban men who do both " traditional" and unconventional activities and hobbies, who have lots of fun and lead an adventurous life... It isn't a prison sentence, but a decision... One that shouldn't be taken lightly or without thought.

There are also many childless couples/ families with children who happily live an unconventional lifestyle... it's more about finding a " mate" with the same feelings and goals about life and the future.

Exactly what the post is about, being " normal", whatever being normal actually means in that context. I get normal, temperature wise, humans 98.6 degrees... but I can't get, " normal" in the context of activities and such.

Maybe we as a people should do Less labeling, and more living. Families should worry more about emotional well-being of a person rather than if they are/get married and providing grandchildren. Not everybody wants to be married or be responsible to raising children, all of which is very acceptable.

I agree we should all be free and comfortable enough with ourselves so that we can be highly functioning, stable members of society who shouldn't be paralyzed by fear.

I find normal generally means conforming to some group identity and group values and that never works for me. I can overlap tons of groups, but my experience is that if I want to participate there generally are unspoken group by-laws that are difficult for me to navigate.

So, where I'm at now is that my challenge is to grow a stronger ME, one that doesn't have a problem remaining grounded in strong winds. This seems important for me because it seems I am attracted to situations where I need to be strong in order to participate happily. Not easy for the little abused kid in me. I try to remain open to possibilities and do my best to grow. I do grow, but patience is difficult. I get destination oriented instead of journey oriented.

Don

_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.