Earl Clark

Oh man, a busy day yesterday in hoops! The obvious first mention is GO HEELS! Oh man, I feel like storming the court today. I think Chapel Hill fans everywhere this morning should storm their office/classroom/crowded area in a flash mob at some point. Then we have LeBron James getting his nose broken by Serge A Broke-a! The mayor of Cleveland has already issued Serge Ibaka a key to the city. Fine LeBron $5,000 for flopping! Man, the next round of internet videos of “LeBroning” are going to be a lot more like “The Knockout Game”. Seriously, even LeBron haters have to love he got it broke a step or two out before throwing it down. Word still to come if the nose is indeed broken, but my money is on yes. Regardless, we’ve seen a few players come back from a broken nose in the same game donning the Hannibal mask, so I doubt he misses any time after passing concussion tests last night. MaskBron! And then we had the trade deadline come and go, with nothing too major albeit a few surprises. I’m starting a bit off the reservation with a guy I’m going to pump hard and is a pickup now in 12-teamers. Lord Byron Mullens! After trading their former starting 5 which we’ll get in below, it’s Mullens and Arnett Moultrie manning down the C fort in the abandon ship Sixers front line, with Mullens picked up for draft picks. I know Mullens is boring, but he was usable while with the Bobcats posting a 10.6/6.4/1.5/0.6/0.6 line with 1.2 treys in 27 minutes a game in 12-13. His sub-40 FG% blew, sure, but he’s a perimeter shooter who can play decent D so I think he will get run. He’s a lot better than Moultire in my opinion and I think will get big minutes. And I don’t know why, maybe it’s because he looks so goofy or maybe because he’s been in the league 5 years, but Mullens is actually only 25 when I thought he might be 30. For a team tanking, he’s a perfect acquisition to help rack up points to try and fill maybe 2 more seats a night in Philly. “Thanks for coming Mr. and Mrs. Mullens!” Here’s what else went down yesterday, starting with NBA deadline deals:

Well, Andrew Bynum is Mr. Glass too… But the other way! And he’s also Mr. Franchise Killer, as the Cavs had to suspend him just to get him to stay out of the stadium. “Hey Andrew, leave the HurryCane at home today, we don’t wanna keep paying the stadium workers to put down the handicap ramps!” Just saves money across the board. Once Bynum gets waived, I think even Obama will be shaking his head at Bynum’s healthcare bills. Anyway, the obvious benefactor to that whole mess is Anderson Varejao, who after his dominating 18/25 game last night has double-digit boards in 4 of the last 5. Varejao was cleaning up the glass like he was the Unbreakable one! The leading rebounder in the NBA last year before he got hurt (at a ridiculous 14.4 a game), Varejao should be a monster in 2014. Although it does help when Nikola Vucevic is hurt and the starting center against you is Jason Maxiell. Hell, I coulda had a double double against them last night! And I don’t even have Jerry Curls! Here’s what else I saw last night across the NBA:

The period of free agency continues to shape the fantasy basketball-scape with fresh meat on terrible teams and players signing with contenders to be relegated to bench duty. With baseball in full swing and the NFL getting half of the ESPN air time no matter what time of year it is, a lot of NBA moves have been made under the radar. Look for every division to get a team-by-team breakdown and some early fantasy thoughts on the new faces in new places:

As suspected, both LeBron James and Dwyane Wade sat out against the Knicks, and Carmelo Anthony went bonkers. “I better play well with those guys out, because if we see them in the playoffs I’m gonna blow.” Ok, that’s my attempt at his inner monologue. So it might not be right at all the time, big deal. It’s kinda like when you try to read NBA players lips and they say the craziest things. That Bosh freeze frame is fantastic.

I’m starting to get really frustrated with those AT&T kid commercials where this douche asks four or five kids random crap, like “what’s better less or more?” or “would you rather be faster or slower?” In one of em he cuts the kid off who just wants to prove she can be funny like the convulsing three-year old too! He’s probably too buys doing blow with AT&T execs to have empathy. However, the way those kids act isn’t too dissimilar to how I would see NBA stars act in team meetings. Like imagine the same guy sitting with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook ans asking, “what’s better, scoring more or less points?” “MOOORRREEEE!!!” in unison. Then Westbrook is like, “if you score more points you have more chance of being on Sportscenter and people will like you more and clown you less for singing along to Ke$ha in pre-game.” Clowned anyway! Good thing Westbrook is having an incredible season, including beating up the Lakers last night to the beat of his drum (if there’s a more apropos lyric from Ke$ha hell if I would know it) with a line of 15-29 FG 37 Pts 10 Rebs 5 Asts and 2 Stls. On top of that, only two turnovers. Even Kobe Bryant was givin’ props. If there was a Facebook throw down of NBA players claiming to be elite, this would be a good time for Westbrook to chime in. Let’s check out what else went down in a fairly light night of NBA action:

So one of my favorite directors, Darren Aronofsky, is working on a new movie Noah that is going to come out some time in 2014. Yeah, it’s about the dude in the “we’re gonna need animals in this boat”, not “we need a bigger boat.”. Russell Crowe is going to be Noah. Hmmmm. Did you know “hm” can be played in scrabble and Words With Friends? Man, did that grind my buddy’s goat. I don’t know how I feel about this new Aronofsky outlet, especially with a budget reported at $130 million. That’s a lot of water tanks. We all saw what happened to Waterworld. Producer Scott Fanklin said “…we stayed very true to the story and didn’t really deviate from the Bible, despite the six-armed angels.” Mind… Blown… Speaking of six-armed Angels and Noahs, Joakim Noah was downright swatty last night, racking up 11 Blocks against the 76ers. Although I guess Noah would be a six-armed Bull. Something like a mix between Goro and Motaro. Hey, that might actually be a step up looks-wise. Animality! Noah’s final line of 8/12 FG 23 Pts 21 Rebs 1 Ast 3 Stls and 11 Blks gave him one of the sexiest triple-doubles since three Baywatch lifeguards ran to my aid after a jellyfish stung my tooshie. Here’s what else happened around the NBA last night:

Martell Webster continues to light the east coast on fire from downtown, while much of the coast is being covered in snow. That Webster is so hot right now! Friday night, he scored 16 points, adding 4 rebounds, 2 assists, 3 steals and hit 3 shots from the arc.

In less than 19 minutes off the bench, Wilson Chandler scored 24 points, with 2 boards, 2 steals and a block. This was his best game since January 23, although it is weird that 3 days ago he had 10 rebounds (and 7 points) and yesterday saw a complete 180.

In a mere 27 minutes, Samuel Dalembert had 35 points on 17-21 shooting, notched 12 rebounds, dished out 2 and blocked 1. Slammy Sammy has been Silent Sammy for most of the year, with a 14/13 game on January 30 and 12/10 in January 29 being the highlights of the year.

Who played the most minutes for the Lakers last night? Kobe? Nash? Pau? Nope! It was Earl Clark. During that time, the Earl of Second Chances scored 17 points with 10 rebounds, 1 assist, 2 steals and 2 blocks. He is averaging 10.5 rebounds per game since January 8.