Do you feel that no matter who you're with even if they may be the perfect person, at a young age will you always feel that you "could do better" or are afraid to commit because of that rationale? Or is there that point in time where that stops because you know they're the one?

I find as a male the biggest issue with commitment I tend to have has to do with age. I tend to date women 6-8 years older than me and I'm in my 20s. They are great and I enjoy everything about them. It seems like 1-2 have been perfect. My only thought in the back of my head is what about when I am 32 and they are 42, or I am 42, and they are 52? Would the sexual chemistry be the same? Would I still be attracted. Its tough feeling materialistic in that regards but its an honest question and a possible measure for the future success of the relationship. You don't date long if you don't want to marry, and you dont marry if you dont want to be together forever.

VerifiedGold Member

I think this is a very good question but not limited to when you're young. Just out of a marriage and dating again for the first time in over a decade - makes it difficult to commit to because there is a chance to experience new things and get it *right* this time. Want to see what happens and what's out there. BUT...once in awhile, there is (or might be) one that comes along that you connect with in such a way that commitment seems obvious - it's the only one you want. I think that's rare but because I know it does happen, until it does there is no reason to commit. This can happen at any age - young or old. Of course, it's possible one may overlook something wonderful because they refused to commit (and by commit I mean have an exclusive relationship - nothing more).

VerifiedGold Member

I find commitment to be a strange thing. When I want it (exclusivity, that is), no guy does. When I just want to be "out there" in the world without having to answer to someone, guys try everything to catch and pin me down. I don't get it.

Gold Member

My biggest issue has never been a fear of commitment, but how things will change *after* the commitment's been made. It's gradual at first, but after a couple of years you notice a certain rut you're stuck in and wonder how you got there, and how to get out.

A girl I have strong feelings for and likewise.. been really close for over 2 years and physical and we both get scared when it comes to commitment.. like we were really close to dating then we both freaked out. Her reasoning and she had dated someone all throughout high school and 2 years after, she's scared of not enjoying things that she wants to do. My reasoning is that I haven't been in a relationship and just enjoying being single that I'm scared I'd be bad at it or not know what to do.

Two ends of the spectrum that meet in the middle for being scared, but still causes confusion regardless -_- Sometimes I like being single and sometimes I don't. And she's stated the same. Bleh

to ddsmith: you are right to think when I'm 42, she will be 52, somewhere around 50, menopause will set in, seems like most gals go thru the physical, mental, and hormonal change around then. some are worse than others, some will have uncontrollabe weight gain, lose interest in sex, and get pretty crazy in the head. meanwhile you still got a lot of good years left, and thinking I don't need this shit.

almost all women want a commitment out of a relationship. first is exclusive dating, see no one else, then comes the marriage or pairing up for life commitment. I think it's just natural.

I have a friend who dated a foreign exchange student, they hooked up early in her 2 yr visit, and both agreed it was the best relationship because they knew it was only temporary. they did not try to change each other, to make each other conform to their ideals or dream man/woman. they both said the sex was fantastic(my friend is literally hung like a horse, 10" & thick, so that was no surprise). they had their arguments, and spats, settled them and lived and loved their lives.

I met a gal one friday nite, and after spending the entire weekend with her, she told me she was engaged to be married!!!! she told me this as she was packing Sunday afternoon. she said she had a good time, loved the sex, thanked me for fucking her brains out, she really needed that, said I had a big cock, knew how to use, one of the best fucks she ever had, etc. AND then said she would probably be back in 2 weeks and we could do it all over again. and sure enuf she came back, and I had no steady gf, so off to the weekend sex Olympics again. we did this every other week thing for months. after the third weekend, she wanted a commitment. I said you are gonna get married, and you want a commitment from me???? I told her I liked her a lot, possibly could love her, but the engaged thing kind of prevented that line of thinking, and I told her I did not know if I could continue seeing her. so we skipped the next 2 week rendezvous. and in that month I met, dated, & laid a gorgeous little gal, no strings attached. so the next time "engaged" showed up, I was with new gf. she got all pissed off. and caused quite a scene. my new gf wondered what was going on? and I told her the truth. she was very understanding, loved the part where I said I wanted something more than a just a "sex" relationship. she said she thougth this gal was using me for my big cock, that she had been used for her body, and hoped we could enjoy our physical attraction and develop something beyond the physical. and we did, we got head over heals in love. I was making plans for our future and she joined right in, and then suddenly, she wanted out. she did not want to commit to me. she got cold feet. guess what, I started fucking the other gal every other w/end again, but it was different. and finally that just died. she did marry the guy eventually.

Do you feel that no matter who you're with even if they may be the perfect person, at a young age will you always feel that you "could do better" or are afraid to commit because of that rationale? Or is there that point in time where that stops because you know they're the one?

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I've met people who are unwilling to commit to somebody who is really good for them because they think they'll find somebody better next week. Which shows they don't really care about who they are with - but only care about being with Mr./Ms. Perfect.

Gold Member

I fear commitment not because I don't want to stop seeing other people but because I might not be happy with the person I'm with (like them trying hard to make my life miserable) and I end up stuck with someone who I can't stand being around with.