Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 10

Here we go. I don’t know that anybody is asking for it, but I’m giving it to you anyway–the tenth installment of Your Search Questions Answered.

Remember these are actual, unedited search terms that found my blog, with my insightful and, perhaps, disturbing commentary. Check out past editions in the archive.

May the fun begin:

i am looking for wrappers of spiderman and superman bubble gum

Stop joking. Are you really doing that?

i’m in love with jonathan franzen

That’s sweet. He hates you, though. He hates everything, even the puppies up for adoption in those commercials with Sarah McLachlan.

colleagues’are grammar nazis

Maybe because you don’t know how to use an apostrophe?

spank my hairy monkey

Ding! Ding! We have a winner. The most disturbing search term that’s ever led to this blog!

people that don’t tip should die

That’s too easy, though. People that don’t tip should be forced to drink the saliva of waiters they’ve ripped off. And they should also have to drink a concoction of warm milk and mayonnaise in 105 degree summer heat.

cool shoulder tattoos for guys

Twenty years from now, this search term will be: “how to remove cool shoulder tattoos for guys.”

what do women think of receding hairlines

That’s a wonderful question. As I’m not a woman, I’m reluctant to answer, but I’ll try. Women think receding hairlines are much more preferable to comb overs or the cheesy haircuts those dudes in the hair replacement commercials have.

i don’t understand

Who does understand? You’re not alone, buddy. We live in a world where 14-year-olds with bad haircuts and cheesy lyrics make millions of dollars singing, while the educators who teach our kids can barely get by.

most ridiculous new urban words like awesomesauce

If you say “awesome sauce,” I propose that your mouth be stitched shut. By using these words, you have lost the privilege of verbal communication. But I still think you’re a person of high moral regard, and please keep reading my blog!

what is it like being an english major

Hold on, let me put down my glass of Scotch for a second to answer your query. Oh, look, a family of beavers is building a lovely home in the mountain stream outside my window! That reminds me: Do you know where I might find an antique mahogany bookshelf on which to place my collection of first edition Emerson and Thoreau?

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The search terms that find 101 Books are the gift that keeps on giving. The more posts I make–going on 400 now–the more opportunities for really weird search terms. And they are only getting weirder, friends.

That’s it for now.

As always, do share any weird, nonsensical terms that found your blog!

Haha, these gave me a smile, especially the Jonathan Franzen one. And your witty comments are…well….’awesome sauce’. ;) (apologies, I feel I should put in a disclaimer that I don’t *actually* use that word!)