Single or Taken; The One Thing You Need To Ask Yourself This Valentine’s Day

I must admit, I’ve always been a fan of Valentine’s Day. Even throughout my single days, there was something about marking February 14 in my calendar that filled me with a child-like sense of joy. I know the love hearts and teddy bears can be a little overbearing, but there’s no denying that Valentine’s Day is a day of, how should I put it?…Hope.

The hope that love and romance is still alive.

The hope that your lover remembered to shower you with some extra TLC.

The hope that maybe, just maybe, there’s someone that feels the same way that you do.

Or for some, there may be the hope that they’ll get through this day relatively unscathed by the soppy posts of affection shared on Facebook. Ha!

Whether we care to admit it or not, Valentine’s Day forces us to look at the love (or lack of love) that we’re currently experiencing in our life. Yes, the meaning of this day has evolved to cherishing ALL our relationships (which I adore) but for this post, I do want to focus on romantic love. Nicholas Sparks-eat-your-heart-out-love.

Yep, I’m going there because I know there are loads of amazing women who are feeling a little helpless in their quest to find their person. It’s the love that I pined for (yes I used the word pined!) as I wrote pages and pages in my teenage journal, detailing where I currently stood with my ‘crush’. It was always very complicated and dramatic. Teenage hormones at their best!

When I look back on those times of unrequited love and the heartache that came with each relationship break-up, nothing could ever dampen my hope of finding ‘the one’. I had watched far too many rom-com’s to become jaded or bitter towards the opposite sex, and I couldn’t help but continue to find those slithers of hope in every self-help book I read.

I don’t think it was a coincidence though that the year that I happened to meet and fall in love with my now husband – was also the year that I learnt about self-love and self-respect.

For a young woman who had found herself looking for a man to make her dreams come true, I came to realise that the relationship we have with ourselves was the most important one of all. Pretty deep for a 20 year old, don’t you think?

It really doesn’t matter whether you happen to be single, or taken, married or not, there’s one question that we need to keep coming back to. And heck, I still need to ask myself this question as a newly married woman, not only for my own sanity, but for the sanity of my relationship.

How can I love myself more?

You can answer that question in any way that you want, but don’t you think it’s worth asking this Valentine’s Day? Or… every day for that matter?! Yes, I hope and believe that there’s someone out there that can love us wholeheartedly, but how can we expect someone else to do that if we haven’t stopped to think about how to truly love ourselves?

So… How can you love yourself more?

Sit with it for a little while and see what comes up. And for those who are maybe a little tired of the word self-love, or feel that it may be overused. Try it on. Like a well-fitting pair of jeans, sometimes you just have to experiment, explore and squeeze into a couple of different one’s to really see your sexy self come to life.

Here’s how I’m choosing to love myself more this Valentine’s Day and beyond:

It’s spending more time loving my own company instead of constantly keeping myself busy.

It’s being less judgemental towards myself, and to others too. Gosh that shit is toxic!

It’s preparing my food with love instead of ‘making do’ or scoffing it down with phone in hand.

Loving myself means giving myself credit. Way more credit that I give myself.

It’s a restful night’s sleep instead of collapsing into an exhausted heap.

It’s honouring my boundaries and prioritising what’s most important to me.

It’s less screen time and more soul nourishing breaks throughout the day.

Loving myself more is saying ‘you did your best’, and choosing to try again, even when I’ve felt like I’ve failed.

It’s speaking up for my needs and wants, even when I feel shit scared.

Loving myself is simultaneously knowing that I am enough, despite the voice in my head that tries to convince me otherwise.

This kind of love is a moment to moment practice, and I know we could all do something to take care of ourselves just that little bit more.

When we actively love ourselves in this way, it not only shows that you respect yourself, but it invites others to treat you the way that you want to be treated. It provides the foundation for a love so deep and true that allows you to stand tall – no matter the circumstances you find yourself in.

So, my hope this Valentine’s Day is that you find the love that you’re looking for. Not only from someone that makes you insanely happy and encourages you to be yourself, but from the person you need it the most…you.

Single or taken, we’re all on that same quest together. And do you want to know the best part? We ALL lived happily ever after.

Tash x

Ps. I always love hearing your thoughts. Are you ready to start your own love affair with yourself?

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