You were smiling at me from across the corridor, just as I remember you doing it. Your bespectacled eyes seemed to reach out for me, and right there and then, I realized this was all but a part of me wanting to see you in person again. And I was bound to savor each moment of it, even in my sleep.

But thinking back, of all the times when I knew I should have let go, somehow, I just couldn’t fully get over you yet. It was never the lust that kept me looking for you, nor the hopes of us being together like every single girl back then, wanted to be with you, but the mere idea that we were good friends, and that you regarded me differently than our other classmates kept me in this illusion.

But after all these years, my unconscious continues to fail me. I never really did let go of you completely. I just hope, like summer, this is bound to last indefinitely.

After 7 years of wandering, procrastinating, internalizing, changing, and motivating myself towards the student who I am now, I actually came to this point when I’m actually enlisting my Senior Year subjects for BS Pharmacy. God has been great for He has blessed me with second chances, and this time I am making sure that things work out for the better.

Looking back at the years I have spent in college, dropping subjects like a hot potato, and drifting through my classes most of the time, I never would have thought that a turning point would actually come my way, that night when I sat down to reflect on my school life, and my future.

Letting God take control of my life was one of the best decisions I ever made. Just when I was on the verge of failure, calling out to Him when I needed Him the most, and just at the right timing, He made sure to give me a challenge which He knew I can overcome, I know now that there is no better place to be in but by His side.

And so the challenge begins on the 14th. Bring it on, Senior year! I shall come to conquer it for God’s glory!

The 1997 original production “Leán: A Filipino Musical” is brought back to the stage through UP Manila Dramatista featuring powerful, catchy songs by Gary Granada that will give life to different characters and personals from the 1980s.

The new adaptation will be shown on the following playdates at Adamson University Theater (900 San Marcelino Street, Ermita, Manila):

May 12 (Fri) – 7:30 PM

May 13 (Sat) – 4:00 PM & 7:30 PM

For tickets, contact 09064273981 c/o Zoe Caballero.

The original production was produced by the Leándro L. Alejandro Foundation and the UP Student Council in cooperation with the UP Diliman Committee for Arts and Culture. The musical featured renowned artists like Chikoy Pura, Bayang Barrios, Cookie Chua, and Noel Cabangon. In 2013, it was restaged by the University of the Philippines Repertory Company (UP Rep) with youth activists Vencer Crisostomo of Anakbayan and Third Alub of the League of Filipino Students…

I took awhile, standing there at the corner of the street overlooking his place, one Saturday night. Texting him that I was standing just below the light post was not an option anymore. Not anymore.

After ten minutes or so, I began walking the long road back to my place. We used to love doing this together – me and him. I didn’t bother taking a jeep, just so I could slowly drown myself in my thoughts, and to let the idea sink in, that I may probably not see him in person again.

I walked along all the side streets that we used to walk on. Only this time, I was the only one walking myself home. I recall the jokes, the teasing, the surprise kisses in the dark side of the street. His hands that held mine. All that’s left are my hands that clasped each other to fend off the cold.

Maybe I never should have tried. But then again, I was always the hoping type.

One word that could very well describe the state that you have dragged myself in for the past three weeks now. A condition that you long to end, mentally and emotionally. The pile of paperwork has been in a constant flux, and the deadlines never seem to finish. You start skipping meals, and in the long run, forgetting if you even had one, not until you see your wallet and you haven’t even spent a dime for food today, and you conclude that sleep is but a half-hour escape from the stresses you bring home from school, and is not even close to a “sound” one.

Exams usually come in pairs – none of which is easier than the other, and now that you are taking up major subjects in Pharmacy, doesn’t help with the fact that your instructors seem to “plot” you by scheduling the hard ones on the same day. And you usually have exams both in the morning, and sometimes, into the afternoon.

And the worst part is, during those lucid moments, when you blankly stare at the horizon, realizing that as you stare at the city lights, as you go home, that the end is nowhere in sight.

You get home, tired from the traffic, but your mind doesn’t stop from worrying about tomorrow’s exam. You gobble up your meal for the day (literally), and before you know it, you’re leaning on the couch, trying to snatch a quick nap. You try to get up early for your internship, waving at the endless queue of customers where the lane starts, refusing to sell Clindamycin to customers who claim its their only acne remedy, refilling stocks and getting blister cuts.

And just when the week is almost at its end, you remember that you haven’t started reading for Pharmacology..