No one ever said it was going to be easy...

February 27, 2012

Imperceptions

As much as I can turn the other cheek at a glimpse of a slender four-week post partum Beyonce, it's the design blogs that always do me in. A few craft projects, a couple of yummy recipes, and a perfect family photo later and suddenly I'm drowning in a sea of my own inadequacies.

I do my own fair share of veritable life "photoshopping," with my stories and words shared here picked carefully, and photos, when I post them, chosen out of 50 or more rejects.

I am vain. And human.

I've long told my own critics who like to give me a mouthful in my comments section that the life you see on this blog is a small snapshot.

And I know it's the same for all bloggers, but it's hard to internalize that what you're reading and staring at isn't the whole picture. You're taking in what they want you to see, after they've cropped a bunch of photos and rewritten the paragraph a few times. Sometimes more.

But I long for outtakes, when the sinks are full of dishes and the hairs are out of place. Give me a blooper reel or a photo where one of the kids has his eyes crossed.

The flaws comfort me, which I guess is why I started sharing my own here almost seven years ago.

I spent twenty years hiding the birthmark on my forehead under bangs. I dyed the white streak in my hair to match my natural hair color.

And I tried hard to live up to what I believed a "mother" should be and not what was actually good for me and my kids.

I'm still learning to embrace all my imperfections, seeing them now through a filter of age and wisdom. Of time and experience.

Of resolution.

"I love your signature piece" a hair stylist in Vegas raved about my white streak a few years ago, and in that instant, she turned my flaw into fab.

The perfection I see in the photos, recipes, and craft projects on some of my favorite design blogs isn't measuring my own worth.

They're not there to make me feel bad.

I will continue to read them, with silent admiration and a quiet envy. Because each mom's experience is perfect. To her.

You totally hit the nail on the head, as always. I love to be inspired by others, but it's most appealing to me when it's balanced with some reality that shows people's imperfections and triggers our empathy and understanding, too. I enjoy both (and often from the same source, like you), but I'm glad to hear that I'm the only one who feels inadequate reading these things. Ironically, I just started a design blog, but for me it's more about having a way to help market my new decorating business, rather than blogging as a career move in itself...plus I'm way too sporadic and limited to make anyone feel inadequate!

You're fantastic, Kristen, and totally inspiring in all of your honesty. I've been reading your blog almost since the beginning and although it's one of the first I discovered, it's still one of my absolute favorites (even though I don't comment much anymore). Love ya!!

Your white streak IS super cool, and I noticed it from one of the first pics I saw of you.

I'm the least crafty person I know, but I've figured out how to say, "Great! Look what YOU made!" and....I move on. Would I like to have to oomph to do that to? Sure. But here's the thing: I don't. My gifts lie elsewhere.

this is actually quite a sweet post ~ and I am just getting into more blog reading, so I hadn't quite realized what I will run into: photoshopped lives. I like that. And I will watch out for it and the ensuing inadequacies that might follow. I love reading about folks' (read: mamas) real lives. It helps to put things into perspective. But certainly not if they are faking :) Thanks so much!

My post (prompted by Adventuroo) about all the piles in my house. Actually, not ALL the piles because no one would have ever read a post that long. Or wanted to see my husband's underwear. But truthfully, more than one friend told me that was their favorite post on my blog -- I think it was comforting to know that no one is alone in leaving stacks of things where they don't belong.

Kind of wish I could blog like that more, but I think my husband would be too embarrassed. And I love him, so I try not to piss him off unnecessarily.

To me, that is my favorite and best compliment a blogger can get- "I love your honesty." We live in the raw, unfiltered moments and why not publish them? I read you still- and I read like maybe two blogs, these days because of your honesty and how it mirrors my own daily life.

Really, really great post. You put into words what I feel so often. Going to get my prescription checked with you ;).

You know what we need? A photo blog with REAL photos from moms. No words, just pictures. Like an online Instagram for real life moments. Somehow I think the realism and messiness will be just as uplifting and inspiring as the beautiful perfect "chosen" ones.

I can only say - "AMEN SISTER!" I spent many years trying to achieve a perfection dictated by society. From dying my hair, wearing tons of makeup (but still trying to look natural), wearing the right clothes, hanging with the right people and so on and so on..... I was MISERABLE! I HATED myself. I gave it all up and decided to be me UNCENSORED! It was such a freeing feeling. I still succumb to the first impressions syndrome, but after you spend more time with me I let it all hang out. If you don't like who I am, I probably don't want to hang with you either. I don't judge as much, I don't try to be someone I am not, I don't make apologies for who I am, and I feel much better about who I am. Funny thing - I have more friends (true friends), I feel prettier than I have ever felt (not saying I am gorgeous, but to me I am), and I love my life.

So here's to be REAL and loving all ourselves completely! (I still get really envious of those gorgeous women who seem to have it all, but I am not willing to sacrifice what I have now to get it.)

I've heard that the back cover of Pioneer Woman's new book is a photograph of her messy kitchen. I love the idea of an "outtakes" blog meme. Like Wordless Wednesdays or Love Thursdays. Start it - I'll play!

I will show a picture of the kitchen floor if it will help? I found my kitchen counter for a couple of hours this weekend only to lose it again to a pile of dirty dishes.
I'm a WOHM, who does crafty things and gardens, and I wish sometimes there were blogs about the realities that I face, then I realize that everyone who is doing what I'm doing, is too busy to blog.
I remember a few years ago Alexa @Flotsam posted pictures of her messy house, and people ripped in to her. It just isn't right, this is what is real, and if we accepted it, we would stop trying to hold ourselves to silly unattainable standards.

Your post sums up why I deactivated my Facebook account and stopped reading so many blogs a few months back. I was tired of comparing myself to everyone. Now I feel like Pinterest is going to be the death of me...but I like you philosophy that things are edited on blogs. We put out only what we want people to know. Really great post.

I love the idea of a 'blooper reel.' I'm almost tempted to show pics of the mountain of laundry I haven't folded or the dirty dishes I let pile up all weekend (even though I have a dishwasher). Almost.

Boy do I hear you. I did some blog writing this fall, which of course involved lots of blog reading--and it had a negative affect on my life. I called it quits with my blog last week and will go back to knitting in my free time. I think the steady exposure to so many people and their lives is exceedingly difficult to swallow in a healthy way. At least it was for me.

But you make the cut on my new "no blog" diet, which is really just a super low word count blog diet--not a total elimination.