The Whole “Died for Your Sins” Thing

God allows one family to live. Gives ’em plans for an Ark. Says save some animals.

Later, God chooses a family from amongst the descendants of that family. He tells them that he will make them a great nation if they follow only him.

These Chosen as represented by Abraham make a pact with God whereby the males of the people will give up a piece of skin from their penis and follow a set of rules laid down then and later, a few more, given to Moses as they march out of enslavement to the Pharaoh.

And, oh by the way, they must kill every man, woman and child…and the animals…or God will not be pleased. Because God is a merciful God.

OOPS! The Chosen let some live.

Later….the Israelites start to get down with Ba’al. God gets jealous.

He calls homosexuality an abomination. He calls fornication a sin. He makes all kinds of groovy new rules to keep his people from leaving him and getting down with the boogie in the Temple of Ba’al which is much more fun because you get to fuck while you worship.

Later on…God gets a case of the ass again and tells the Babylonians, Assyrians and an assortment of other Kingdoms to kick his Chosen people’s collective asses and enslave them, move them about, destroy their temples, etc…

Until finally, Rome comes onto the scene.

Big Bad Rome is used by God to continue the punishment of the Chosen.

Until finally, Jesus is conceived and born to a Virgin with whom God got down and impregnated.

Jesus is sent to cleanse not just the Chosen but the World of sin.

Now, before this God didn’t give a flying fuck about the world. He only cared about the Jews/Hebrews/Israelites.

Suddenly, though, God has looked around and realizes…FUCK, THERE’S A WHOLE BUNCH OF MOTHERFUCKERS OUT THERE!

I’d better come up with a plan for those fuckers as well.

So, he does.

Jesus gets to come on down. Be born. Live about 30 years on his own out of sight and out of mind until suddenly he comes pounding onto the scene on his White Ass.

Jesus defies the Roman-Hebrew rulers. Basically tells them that they’re doing it all wrong.

Tells a bunch of people to love one another and to live by his golden rule and to, you know, treat people how you’d like to be treated coz that old God of Jealousy, Rage, Genocide and Bigotry who had a Chosen has finally awakened to the knowledge that there are a whole lot of motherfuckers out there in the countryside wandering about not knowing what the hell, what the fuck or why the hell and why the fuck.

Jesus makes some wine. He feeds a bunch of folks bread and fish. He gets all ornery in the Temple. He does or does not get his funky groove on with another Mary who is of Magdala and who may have been a rich widower as well as his wife or might have been a prostitute. Depends on who tells the story.

So, YHWH…the Alpha and the Omega…the Omniscient God sent himself down as his own son or maybe sent down his Son to represent him…who the fuck knows…

And this Son-God is tasked with dying for the Sins of all of Humanity. Not just the Jews or Hebrews or Israelites or Judeaens or what the fuck ever they want to be called. But no one knows this until Saul/Paul comes onto the scene a decade or so after the crucifixion, resurrection and ascension.

He came to Earth to be worshipped, to teach, to be rejected, to be betrayed, to be tried in a Kangaroo Court of Romish-Jewish nature, to be tortured, to be walked around with a cross/pole on his back and to be hung on said cross/pole until his ass was dead.

All so that he could arise. So that he could be resurrected. So that he can be alive. So that he could be seen by a select CHOSEN few who would then be tasked to carry the Good News Gospel that he, Ieshua/Jesus/The Messiah is Risen and Alive to all of the world.

And then.

Jesus/Ieshua disappears.

Until many years later…when he becomes a fucking Muslim and raps with Mohammed on a Midnight Ride.

But sometime before that, God changes his mind again. He’s no longer the Peace God. He’s no longer all about Love and Forgiveness. He tells a Roman named Constantine to Go Forth and Conquer in his name. And so Constantine does. And so, the Holy Roman Church is born and goes on to conquer, colonize, rape, pillage and generally commit mayhem across Europe, the Middle East and then the Globe.

And now the sons of the followers of Jesus, Constantine, Abraham, Israel, Isaac, Ishmael and Mohammad have arrived at the present. Each declaring themselves the truth. Each willing to kill in the name of their Religion of Peace to prove that theirs is the One True Faith.