Zack: If they don't roll out those air pockets their pie crust is going to be terrible.

Steve: Hey! I'd swear there was a foot of solid rock here a week ago. And where did this stupid blanket come from?

Zack: I guess they intend for the players to be wandering around and come across a weird tunnel and follow it and find this stupid monster eating through the rock. Then they can look at it and go, "that's pretty weird." And if they want to they could stab it to death. It's not like it can attack them or get away or anything.

Steve: Wait, isn't this from Star Trek?

Zack: There was the Horta, but that thing was running through rock and killing people.

Steve: But it looked sort of like this thing, right?

Zack: The Horta looked like a guy hiding under a blanket made out of vomit.

Steve: Maybe they were worried if they made it too much like the Horta people would say they stole it.

Zack: I don't think they were worried about that, because they stole the Crabmen right out of my fucking nightmares.

Traci Lords goes on a journey of vengeance and squibs while making the same stupid face constantly.

About This Column

Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.