“If I can do it, so can you.” How often have you heard or read those words? And how often have you thought, “Yeah, right”?

But wait. When I make that statement, it's actually true. Hear me out.

Before I wrote my memoir, I had no experience writing anything. I never finished high school. And with all the surgeries I had to repair my face, I missed a lot of education along the way. The only thing I remember is receiving three stars on a paper I wrote in the third grade. That was a long time ago.

After years of my friends telling me I had a great story (I’m not the first or last to hear that one), I decided not to procrastinate any longer. I sat at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee, which, over the years, would be bottomless cups. Grabbing a pen and spiral notebook, I was ready to write, but I didn’t know how to begin.

It was just me against the paper. At first the paper knocked me down, but as I continued to show up and write, I got a few good jabs in because at least I climbed into the ring.

KEEP YOUR HAND MOVINGI knew I needed help—and over the years I got plenty of it. What stands out for me is Natalie Goldberg’s workshop in Taos. In her “Rules for Writing Practice,” she encourages writers to write continuously on paper for a designated time with no regard for grammar, punctuation, or spelling. Keep your hand moving and ignore your inner critic.

I started filling my red Dollar Store spiral notebooks with just my thoughts in the moment. After a few days I had filled one section with ideas that had no cohesion. But I felt the satisfaction of having something on paper.

After a few weeks, the notes became sentences, which turned into paragraphs that lacked order or structure. It was a mish-mash of my thought process. Then I decided to transfer everything to my computer, but to my horror, I accidentally deleted the files.

So I returned to my trusty pen and notebook. At least I wouldn’t lose all my work unless I had a house fire or my Rottweiler chewed it up. Fortunately neither of those happened.

As I progressed with my project, I found that writing by hand had an organic flow to it. I could cross things out, write in the margins, draw arrows from one line to another, which helped me restructure the paragraphs.

THE BOSSSometime later, I watched a TV interview with Bruce Springsteen. As he spoke, he showed his notebooks filled with scribbled lyrics in different colored pens—words crossed out and the margins packed with more than I had in my own work in progress.

Springsteen said that when he writes, he looks at it and thinks, “Well, this isn’t too good.” (I’m paraphrasing here.) But he just keeps rewriting the songs, and eventually they get better.

If this worked for the Boss, why not for me? I was a neophyte trying to teach myself. The word “rewrite” would be my constant companion.

I discovered that the harder I tried, the less progress I made. When I let myself not care about grammar, spelling, or even structure, I could write more. Then the work took on a life of its own. I wasn’t bogged down with perfecting my words or worrying about finishing.

That’s not to say that I never got frustrated or even thought about quitting. I did. More than once, I threw my notebook across the room and walked away for a few days. Strange as it may sound, that worked. It allowed me the time to breathe and think. I knew in my heart that if I stopped, I would always regret not seeing it through.

With the help of patient editors, I managed to turn my scribbles into a manuscript. But it all started with sitting at the kitchen table and writing those first words.

If you have a compelling life story or a novel that's been in your head for years, commit to turning into a reality. Believe me, if I can do it, so can you.

I'd love to hear about your writing process. What has and hasn't worked for you?

I’m often asked about my journey as a writer. It began about eight years ago, after I had read several successful memoirs and knew I had an equally compelling story to tell.

But as a high school dropout, I felt ill-equipped to undertake such a project. I didn't have the slightest clue how to go about it. Thanks to my friends, who for years kept encouraging me to write, I finally put pen to paper and dove in. With their support, along with the help of numerous writing coaches, workshops, and editors, I managed to finish my book.

The following five memoirs not only inspired me to write my own, but also gave me great insight into the authors’ experiences, which parallel mine in many ways. All of them are brutally candid about their struggles and triumphs and address survival, rejection, and closure—themes relevant to my story.

​Each book, written with humor and a compelling, unique voice, stands as a testament to the enduring human spirit. ​

​Autobiography of a Face tells the story of Lucy Grealy, whose jaw is ravaged by cancer, leaving her disfigured and feeling that as a woman with society’s obsession with beauty, she will never be loved. Struggling with the cancer is difficult enough, but she also has to endure the stares and glares from others who ridicule her for something out of her control.

Running with Scissorspresents Augusten Burroughs’s journey of being rejected by his mother because of her mental illness and of going to live with his psychologist’s family, the members of which are more unstable and unconventional than those in his own. He discovers that as a homosexual teen, he must come to terms with his own proclivities while dealing with an extremely eccentric doctor. Despite his nightmarish upbringing, Burroughs manages to keep his sanity and sense of humor intact.

​The Glass Castleis so eloquently written, from the first moment when the author sees her mother digging through trash to her father’s alcoholism and pursuit of a get-rich scheme that never comes to pass. Jeannette Walls and her siblings display enormous resilience as their irresponsible parents schlep them from one state to another, their dysfunction increasing with every move. In time Walls musters the courage to strike out on her own and finds the family and financial stability she longs for.

​This Boy’s Life resonated with me, not only the amazing story of Tobias Wolff’s relationship with his loving and loyal mother, but also the time he spends with his cruel and downright nasty stepfather, whose berating and constant aggression makes his life intolerable. Wolff finagles his way into Hill School by creating a transcript of bogus academic and sporting accomplishments. He lasts a little over two years. Similarly, I became a student at a prestigious prep school, placed there by the state of New Jersey, not for my academic achievements, but for my need for structure. I was also kicked out after a few years because of my poor grades.

A Boy Called It. Having been called Pig Face, Flat Nose, and countless other names due to my facial deformity, I empathized with David Pelzer and related to his isolation and loneliness, though I was never abused or subjected to the horrific mental and physical torture he experiences. I was inspired by his lack of censorship and his amazing inner strength and wit. Reading about his resolve as a child helped me put into perspective my own story of abandonment and the endless surgeries at the hands of a compassionless state doctor.

Have you dreamed about writing a memoir, but don’t know where to begin? Or did you start your memoir and are now stuck halfway through? Or have you finished your memoir and need help with the revision process?

On February 9, 2016, writing coach/editor Trish Wilkinson and I will be presenting a three-hour workshop in San Diego to help you: