I wore the t-shirt under my shirt at my retirement celebration. When my time to speak came, after the part where I get kind of choked up and embarrassed, I started unbuttoning my shirt. I spoke of the people I worked with, how I appreciated their care and the gift they’d gone out of their way to have made for me. When the shirt was revealed in all its horrible glory I spoke of the painting in a way that I had before.

Those in the know got a good laugh out of it. In the midst of their laughter, I discovered horror. In my excitement, for just the moment I’d taken to speak of the painting, I lost track of the fact that my mother was in attendance. Mom was laughing, but I was mortified. I had tossed out the f-bomb in the presence of the sainted one.

After it was over, I confirmed that I’d said what I’d said. The truth was horrible. I apologized that night and by phone the next morning.

But I think my mother is happy enough that I’m out and healthy that she’d put up with me dropping the f-bomb for three days straight.

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If I hadn't written this, I would use these to tell people I'd read it.

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41 Comments on “Five Routine Minutes: Dropping The F-Bomb”

I’m sure your mother is more concerned about your tendency to wear bubble wrap suits and depressing T-shirts. Oh, those young retired people and their bizarre clothing choices… Well, I’ve never been to a retirement party before; should I congratulate you or express condolences?

Congratulations!! Did all the pretty girls try to ‘pop you?’ What ever happened to the guy who you were so mean too–I think he whistled or had the audacity to move your post a note pad—I only remember it was funny. Did he come to the party? Mom’s can sometimes have selective hearing, comes with the job.

As I said, “Stick Figure Artisian”. I was not aware of said retirement! Congrats! That’s gotta feel good. Looking forward to reading some retirement posts. Dropping F-bombs in front of Mom? Yikes… too funny. First few times I dropped it in front of my kids, same thing, didn’t even know I had done it. Oh well…

Congratulations and good luck with the next chapter of your life! I think it will be an exciting one and I hope you will continue to write interesting and funny things about it.=)
My only little bit of retirement advice is: Do NOT get involved with Second Life, get an avatar named Tristan with pink hair and ….you know what- just trust me. I speak from experience. Take up ballroom dance, or wild critter rehab instead.

Mazel tov on your retirement! I wish there was a photo or something of the bubble wrap suit. You could have done that much for us, you know. I regularly swear in front of both my parents—after all, they’re the ones I learned it from. The least I can do is make sure they know I haven’t taken their lessons for granted.

Bubble wrap suit!! oh people take early retirement just so they get to wear those..
Hey Congrats 🙂
By the way what is happening in the second picture..is everything really ok, cos people say it is but it never is and then few months later you are dumping bodies

Congratulations and wow. This is a big step and one that I know you’ll put to good use. I’m very excited for you and can’t wait to see what you get up to. I will read a book with curse words in it, Oma, as long as they’re not gratuitous, which your F bomb certainly was not. Some paintings can only be described a certain way.

It sounds like they gave you a fitting send off.
Your Mom probably does know that word and she was probably aware that you know that word. It is one of those unspoken understandings. At some point she will say, “Remember that time you used the “F” word in front of me? Oh, my, Oma, I was so shocked!”, and you will both laugh.
Congratulations!