Monday, September 25, 2006

The Mail of Two Kitties

Let's pretend for a minute (you're not busy, are you?) that Barbara Walters has decided to include me in her next interview special. (Shut up. It could happen.)

We've both been through makeup and whatnot and are sitting on my ugly fake-chintz sofa. Both of us are lit just so. One last sound check. Roll camera.

Barbara leads with one of her signature powerful questions:

"So, Fwanklin. You've been knitting a gweat deal these past two years. Do you want to tell us about that? Has it...changed you at all?"

Why, yes it has, Barbara, and thank you for asking.

In the dark, strange days before I knew what the hell k2tog meant, I hated cats. Wouldn't draw them, wouldn't pet them, certainly didn't want to own one. This had always been so. As a child, watching "Tom and Jerry," I was firmly on the side of the mouse. Faster, Jerry, faster! Kill! Kill!

As an adult, I felt that if I wished to live with something aloof and bad-tempered that shed all over the house and only noticed me when I was feeding it, I could have stayed with Mr. Ex.

I was careful, of course, not to say this to many knitters. Knitters, on the whole, enjoy the company of cats, some to the point of idolatry. Perhaps it's the common bond of Yarn Fascination. I like the pretty string, you like the pretty string. Let's be friends forever.

But I confess the allure still escaped me. I didn't want some stupid feral animal snarling my worsted and chewing the ends of my needles. Hell no.

Then knitting led to blogging, and blogging led to reading things like this and this.

And then, dammit, I was gone.

Unfortunately, the terms of my lease and Dolores's "cat issues" mean there will be no pitter patter of little feet (aside from mine) around the apartment. So if I want Cat Time I'll have to settle for mooching off Cats Elsewhere.

Two cats who are Very Much Elsewhere just got these in the mail from me.*

They're from the "Catwarming Set" in Stitch 'n Bitch Nation. To finish two was the work of an evening (albeit divided into little bits over the course of a week or so) and it was fun. Just mind you look up the errata online before setting off.

Aren't they precious? Can't you just see the little bitty kitties batting them about on the floor? Pushing them around with their dear little paws? Curling up with them in their little mouths? So cute! Eeep! Who's a good kitty? Who's a good kitty? Get the little mousie, kitty! Goooooood kitty! Eeeep!

Bleargh. What the hell is happening to me?

Frigging cats.

*I must draw your attention to the copies of Fabula de Petro Cuniculo and Fabula de Jemima Anate-Aquatica, generously loaned to me by reader Jackie. They're going home shortly, Jackie, and I thank you so much.

Once when I was looking for an apartment, one prospective landlord said "No!" to cats rather emphatically and backed it up by explaining that people with cats never stop at one or two: they just keep getting more and more. Well, he had me pegged.

I try not to post cat pictures more than once ever 5 or 6 months. And only if the pictures are actually pretty good.

I lived with a cat allergy and at least two cats at a time, continuously, for the 17 years I lived with my parents. I was a sickly kid.....until I moved out and away from the damn cats. I never knew a person could feel so healthy all the time!

I don't hate cats, but I wish my parents had loved me more and cats less.

Ok I have to break out of my lurking mode and comment here. As a long time caretaker to cats/dogs.....you don't own cats....they own you. If one chooses you, feel lucky. If more than one chooses you, you're not to be blamed.

Love your blog. I'm a faithful reader.

PS: If Dolores ever figures out that a kitty is a good thing to "place the blame on".....you're in deep trouble. Believe me...I have smart dogs. They're forever blaming things on the cats and they still walk on all fours!

No way! Is The Mooj gonna be the recipient of one of those meeses? All the way here in Outer Mongolia!? Oh, he's gonna flip! Franklin, you're too cool.

Finding a cat here wasn't easy, and I needed one; never been catless my whole life. I had the last one for 19 years. Mongols loathe cats to the point of pathology. Three times in the past two weeks, I've heard the same alarming explanation from my Mongol friends, who warily sat as far away from The Mooj in my apartment as possible: "Mongols believe that cats wish their owner's death." Thanks, fellas! The great thing about cats is they know. The more someone despises them, the more they'll try to jump in their lap.

I'm still laughing at the image of Barbara Walters leaning forward and beginning an earnest question with, "Fwanklin..."

Oh, no! I start knitblogging and then need this particular gorgeous yarn, then that one, this cool new pattern, then I need a spinning wheel, then need to try this cool fiber.... Are you telling me I'm going to have to get a CAT now?

My mother had a morbid fear of cats, which she did her best to pass to her kids. I never feared them, but I didn't really trust them. I startle easily, and having something silent suddenly jump on me gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Now I'm an "uncle" to several cats, and I like them just fine. I probably will never own one, though, because my Border Terrier (who adores cats in a non-reciprocated way) would never give it a moment's peace.

Glad someone already directed you to CuteOverload. I am having middle-aged woman problem: my kids are too old to be cute and too young to be parents.... I want kittens. No, I want my 16-year old pathological snuggler-cat to let me knit in peace. NO, I want to watch him playing the hitting game (powpowpowpowpow) with kittens... We had baby mice in the chicken shed and I was all googly for about an hour. At least I want other people's babies.

Well, fair's fair, I guess.You started out with the fiber and have been persuaded to consider a cat when circumstances permit.I started out with the cats, (and yarn) and you and the Harlot have just about convinced me I need to learn to spin. Because really, I should diversify my spending beyond books, yarn and quality chocolate.If you really feel the need for some cat hair mixed in with your yarn (and on your clothes), or want to experience the joy of knitting up a few inches of damp and slightly slimey yarn because, unbeknownst to you, the cat has been sitting at your feet, sucking on the sock yarn as it unskeins, you're always welcome to visit.As entertaining as my cats can be, however, I think you're miles ahead on excitement with Dolores as a roommate.

I consider myself a dog person, but current circumstances don't allow for one. I have a cat that is as close to a dog as one could find. As much as I thought a drier was the best place for cats most of my life, I have now changed my mind.

Ooof. You've touched on one of the reasons I feel weird talking to a lot of knitters. I'm a MAJOR dog person (have two enormous ones) and I can't stand cats. My dogs are so excited to see me come home that sometimes they pee themselves. My old roommate had a cat for a while - the thing could not have cared less if I stabbed myself with a kitchen knife and lay bleeding on the linoleum. Not that I'm suggesting you get a dog - between Dolores and the sock yarn the poor pup would spend most of his afternoons cowering under the couch.

Oh cripes. I became a cat-convert about ten years ago; I always *liked* them...just...I liked OTHER PEOPLE'S cats.

Then I rescued one and we got another to be her playmate and...well. Convert!

What's funny is...the original cat died and we got a new home for the other because...wait for it...I am VIOLENTLY ALLERGIC to cats. And dogs. Pretty much any animal with dander, I'm allergic to. Even horses. ACK!

Has this cured me? Do the memories of taking five different kinds of medications every stinkin' day to keep my lungs operating, my nose (relatively) clear and preventing my eyeballs from shriveling up and dropping out of my head, DO THESE MEMORIES stay at the forefront of my brain when in the presence of a cat in need of a home?

No.

No they do not.

I miss my kitties. It is hard outside of all reason not to find some silly excuse to be at Petsmart on Adoption Sundays.

It's only a matter of time. There will be cats in this house again. And a medicine cabinet stuffed with pills and inhalers and nasal sprays.

And I will be happy about it. I will squirt burning chemicals up my nostrils in exchange for snuggling on the sofa with a purring monster, who will be cheerfully shedding all over my alpaca shawl and getting away with it because she gives me the squinty-eye kitty-lovvie look...

RESIST THE KITTIES, FRANKLIN!!! Once you let one into your life, it's OVER. You will be assimilated. Resistence will be futile.

Franklin...Oh Dear God Franklin...what in Heaven's Name is wrong with you? First that she-goat moves in with you, and now you are ga-ga over cats and kittens? Someone had better administer a "slap up side the head" to bring you to your senses. And soon.

The last time I saw Barbara Walters on television, the cameras used such a soft focus that she resembled a colorful oil slick floating on the surface of water. AND she looked terrific at that! What a game old broad! What a great role model. You, my dear Franklin, have no need of soft focus, but an interview with B.W. might get you that perfect key light we all long for.

So sorry to post a question not related to the current cat issue!Think back, way back, to the ruana. Jo Sharp DK Aran? I'm trying to approximate a good weight for this and can't find that yarn--is the gauge about 18/20/22? mea culpa if i'm breaking any blog laws....Melinda (a fellow Chicagoan)

So sorry to post a question not related to the current cat issue!Think back, way back, to the ruana. Jo Sharp DK Aran? I'm trying to approximate a good weight for this and can't find that yarn--is the gauge about 18/20/22? mea culpa if i'm breaking any blog laws....Melinda (a fellow Chicagoan)

As the proud owner of Franklin's handiwork, I can say with surety that his craftsmanship is impecable and the end result is adorable. My cats are enjoying their new toys, although I believe they will enjoy them even more when I figure out how to insert some catnip into the bodies of the mice.

I'm so with you on the friggen cats thing. I'm so allergic if they come and sit under my chair my eye itch. They're cute as kittens, but not so much as full grown cats. My friend's cat eats her yarn, but ONLY the expensive wool. No cats. Yes pretty string, but no cats.

I can't imagine my life without cats....they teach me, entertain me, and otherwise take up precious time. I may just have to get that book just so they too can have beautiful knitted sock mice. Poor things, now their mice are knitted and stuffed triangles adorned wwith tails.

Two dogs, three cats, no problems. You don't have to be a dog person OR a cat person. And none of them attack my yarn. Dolores? Wouldn't put up with such a cheeky sheep. Seriously. Has she even produced her 2 pounds of yarn yet? I'm just sayin'.

There's a line in one of J.D. Salinger's short stories where one of his characters (IIRC, Buddy Glass) says, "I live alone, and catless, I'm glad to report."

Although I am endlessly amused by your conversion to catlover, Franklin. You are SO lucky you didn't provide us w/ your email address; if you had, I estimate you would have received 4,897 widdle piddle itski bitski cuteski liddle kittie photos by now.

With a lifetime allergy (a bad one) to cats, I'm a confirmed "dog person." The mice are just too cute though, and Max, the Devil Dog would love chewing them up! (Photo of Max way back at the very beginning of my sporadic blog-dome.)

i read your first paragraph (twice, even) as, "Let's pretend for a minute (you're not busy, are you?) that Barbara Walker has decided to include me in her next interview..."also check out http://catsinsinks.com/

As long as we're all fantasizing: If you haven't seen Shrek 2, in which Antonio Banderas voices Puss in Boots, you'll want to put in on your list. Cutest cat you'll ever see. It'll put Viggo right out of your mind - he's THAT good.

My grandpa had a lawn and garden store in Kenosha and he always had a "shop" cat--called it Butch. Butch just showed up--and when Butch died or wandered off, in a few days or weeks, another Butch would move in and take over the job. Sometimes Butch was a female, sometimes a male. In return for food, an occasional trip to the vet and a place to sleep, Butch's job was to catch mice and rats. Grandpa respected the shop cat, but never showed it much affection--didn't need to, and Butch didn't want it. There were several Butches over the years, but never more than one at a time. How did they know?

I've always had at least one cat--I've had a few just show up and move in, too. Somehow they just know. If a cat shows affection, you KNOW they really like you. And if they aren't happy, they'll just leave. They are very discriminating creatures. Mary B

Please, my friend, my buddy, leave the cats out of the blog.You are brilliant and sane and clever.You don't need ootums cuteums catt-es as a way to catch readers.I do not comprehend the foolishness of thinking that knitting=cat absorption.Quit it.

Last night, an old friend sent me this. I don't plan on making this recipe, but I think you should consider it. Especially if this cat obsession continues......http://www.fabulousfoods.com/recipes/dessert/cakes/kittylittercake.html

Cats, in my experience, have a way of just happening. Of course, I'm in a profession where pets of any sort are an occupational hazard, but despite my love for my dogs, I have had far more cats in my lifetime. And I would dispute with anyone the idea that cats are aloof and care only about the food bowl. I find that they have personalities every bit as complex and varied as people. When David & I watch movies (we don't get TV reception) we often end up with all four cats curled up on or around us.

Honesty compels me to say -- after I posted a completely gormless comment on Kitty Love, I found a very fresh chipmunk head on the living room carpet. Not bloody, very bodiless. Still warm. I felt ill all the way to work.

Hi there. I really appreciate the points you made. I don't think I've actually thought about it in that way. I can really appreciate how you approached the subject matter and what you said really gave me a new perspective. Thanks for taking the time to write this all out.Your opinion this blog:

Copyright and Posting Notice

All original content of this blog, both words and images, is held in copyright by F. Habit. Use of any kind, in any medium, for any reason without express, prior written consent is prohibited.

Permission is not granted for the posting of any content from this site to Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, or any other Web site.

Please do not provide links to any product, service, organization or cause when leaving comments unless directly related to the topic of the post. Unsolicited advertising will be deleted and repeat offenders will be blocked.

When in doubt, please ask. I'm not mean, I'm just committed to preserving the quality of experience for my readers.