Having a Break-up Doesn't Mean You're Broken

February 14, 2018

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today we've invited one of our ambassadors, Thalia Abreu, to share her break-up journey, because lets face it, sometime's its Valentine's Day and you find yourself suddenly single and this particular day can add a little sting to your already aching heart. You're not alone, and being in the midst of a break up doesn't mean that you are not worthy of love.

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What happens after a break up? Perhaps the 'crawl under your bed with a tub of ice cream' scenario? Or maybe you fall into a deep sadness and can't seem to connect with life. Whatever it is, it's definitely hard to see past the moment when these things occur. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy. I'm not going to sit here and write 5 steps to moving on, because it doesn’t really work like that. But I will tell you my experience and what helped me heal, slowly but surely.

I went through a hard break up that left me confused about myself and where my life was heading. For a while, I couldn’t see the future. I still don’t. But during that time, things were so off and unclear. Who am I, where am I headed, who am I going to marry someday, who is going to love me better than he did, and what went wrong? These were among the many thoughts in my head.

It's difficult dealing with the aftermath of a break up. You have to trudge through so many emotions. At first, I felt the defeat. I had tried fighting for the relationship, trying to make him see a different perspective. But my words fell flat. I felt defeated, I lost. Realizing my self worth, I decided to move on. You should never have to beg someone to stay with you and that is something that motivated me.

As time passed, I started to deal with the other emotions. Was I enough? I know that I tried, I'm not perfect but I gave it my best shot because I believed he was worth it. Self hate was beginning to form in me because there must have been something wrong with me for him to not want to be with me anymore. I felt the rush of all my insecurities come crashing back to me. It was hard to get my mind out of that perspective. We tend to always blame ourselves, right? I then learned that there was nothing wrong with me, as a couple we just didn't work anymore and that’s perfectly okay. It took me a while to be okay with that though.

I was angry, embarrassed and emotionally exhausted. Some days were great, I was beginning to learn about true self love. But other days were terrible, in where I would hide at work to cry because I felt completely broken. It was an emotional roller coaster. But you know what helped me get through it? Like I mentioned earlier, I had begun to learn about self love. I dared myself to spend time alone, to take myself out on dates. I know it sounds cheesy! But you really need to spend time with yourself to allow yourself to breathe. When you are in a relationship you are not only fueling yourself, you are fueling someone else. It can get exhausting, if you don’t have proper self love.

Even though the process was painful, there were some other things that did help me. I blocked him from all social media, deleted his number and didn’t talk to him at all. I did not do this to be petty, let’s get that clear. I did that because I needed my space, especially since I did see him often because we attend the same church. Yes I know, it's a little weird still having to see your ex. But I needed to block him to heal and move on properly. I also did not allow myself to sulk in sad music. In fact, I made my very own woman empowerment music playlist which I listened to 100 times a day, everyday.

You may be asking yourself, okay what difference does all of that make? Let me tell you. Deciding to move on is not an easy decision. Most people linger on after a break up in hopes that they will get back together one day. Even though I loved him and a small part of me wished we could, I did not want to make that mistake, again. So I decided to be mature and learn from my past mistakes, like we all should, and made the conscious choice to heal. If I allowed myself to sit in bed listening to sad love songs, to linger on and blame myself then I would have delayed my healing. Why would I do that to myself? That's not self love.

These were the things that motivated me to move on in a healthy way. It still hurt, but it was better than self loathing. I can say that I'm much happier now that I shared love to myself. I engaged in more meaningful friendships, have had new experiences and really grown as a young woman. There's still things I have yet to learn about myself, and way more things I want to challenge myself on. But I know I am on the right path because of a conscious decision I made to choose myself.

Break-ups are hard and the aftermath is painful. It's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I promise you it is there! Make conscious choices that are for your benefit. Do not delay your healing. It's not easy, I know that very well. But I hope my story can help you realize that you can love yourself to heal.

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Thalia lives in Hempstead, NY where she spreads good vibes with her lettering business, Good Within Co. and her amazing photography. Connect with her on her Instagram: @goodwithinco