Posts tagged: Drifter

Lesley Ware moved to New York City for her dream job. As the new project manager at a national nonprofit serving girls, she envisioned working with a team of smart, liberal women to improve the world. What she experienced was slow-moving bureaucracy.

“Everything about our mission told girls to follow their dreams and learn and grow,” Ware says, “but that’s not how it felt for me in that job.” After five years of yearning to explore, innovate, and develop her skills, she knew she had to find a better fit. The trouble was, she didn’t know where to begin.

Reluctant to give up her steady paycheck without a plan, Ware decided to take baby steps while keeping her day job. It wasn’t a straight line to success, but her steady boldness paid off. Today, she is the author of two books and runs her own business. Here are the three big lessons read more

It’s the auto-pilot response to “How are you?” these days. And of course we are busy. In addition to family, friends, and work, we’ve got a whole world at our fingertips to keep up with.

All this busyness can be overwhelming. But it can also be comforting — for a couple of reasons. Being busy brings a kind of badge of honor that the world needs us. It’s also an excellent way to steer clear of life’s thornier issues.

And that’s when we can get stuck — taking life as it comes rather than giving direction to how we spend our days.

I’m busy, therefore I am
Quick story: Ann was waiting for the restroom at one of Boston’s trendier brunch places. A woman got in line behind her and casually began complaining about her lack of free time. So many obligations on the weekends, she said, kept her jumping from one read more

Stuck moment:I guess I stopped caring enough about what I want. Everything seemed to be going fine, so it was easier to nod and go along with stuff — even if my heart wasn’t in it. But now it feels like I have no say, and that’s kind of cruddy.

* * *

We get stuck as Drifters when we stop acting in our own best interest. Life’s twists, turns, and demands can weaken our resolve, and in those moments we convince ourselves that things shouldn’t be so challenging. At least that’s our reasoning for taking the path of least resistance. Before we know it, the easy way becomes a habit. So instead of directing our lives according our own wishes and hopes, we just borrow someone else’s. Or we reject the idea of wishing and hoping at all.

However you got derailed — there are at least four main ways read more

Her stuck moment: A black maid for a white family in 1962 Jackson, Mississippi, Aibileen lost her purpose in life when her son died in an accident and her husband deserted her. She resents her position in society, but is resigned to it.

She sets a goal: Recent college grad Skeeter asks Aibileen to help her write a book about the indignities that she and other maids in Jackson endure. At first hesitant, Aibileen realizes that she can help change her community for the better.

Unstuck result: Working on the book helps Aibileen gain confidence in her own writing, something she did privately since childhood. When she is fired from her domestic position, she ponders becoming a professional writer like Skeeter. (In the novel, Aibileen lands a job writing household hints for the local read more

We love checklists. They are one of the best ways to keep us on track. Like packing for a trip. Planning a party. Getting taxes done. But there is no checklist for your life — unless you write it. There are plenty who will differ: When are you going to have kids? You don’t own a house yet? You should get a master’s degree. But only you know what you really should do. Here’s how to figure out what that read more

If anyone knew what he wanted, it was Steve Jobs. A real steady Eddie. But for the rest of us mortals, getting sidetracked — and not even knowing it — comes much easier. That’s when we get stuck acting like a Drifter, allowing someone else’s agenda to become our own. If you think you’ve gotten off track, try these exercises to figure out what you really read more

We love goals. They give us purpose. Organize our actions. And extend our thinking beyond “What’s for lunch?” We also love the idea that even if we don’t reach our ideal, through practice, we get closer to it. We start out clumsy and inexpert. But push through our frustration until it gets a tiny bit easier. We keep trying, keep practicing. Keep inching toward our aspiration. On occasion, we look back and we’re amazed with how far we’ve come.

Sometimes we get stuck because we don’t know what we want. Often, that’s because we spend more time listening to what other people want, both for themselves and for us, than we do to ourselves. In Unstuck parlance, we call this acting like a Drifter. But it doesn’t have to be a permanent state. There are ways to figure out what you read more