My 5 Tips. . .

On Managing Regret

1. Clarifywhat exactly you have regret for. Is your regret about an action you took or did not take? Is your regret linked to the outcome of an action? Or is your regret about events, opportunities, experiences, etc… you were not able to have? Regret is healthiest when it is related to something you did or did not do rather than to life’s missed opportunities or unforeseen outcomes.

2. Is the regret fair? Phrased another way, is it only with hindsight that you are having regret or were you aware, while you were doing the behavior, that it was not right for you? Regret needs to be put into the context of who you were at the time of the behavior as well as what the situation was. Ideally we all are growing our wisdom and personalities throughout our lives meaning that we will be making smarter decisions now than we did in the past. Therefore, judge your past behavior in light of who you were then and what circumstances were at play.

3. Learn a lesson from your regret. What is the underlying message within your regret – is it that you didn’t value something sufficiently? Is it that you did not heed advice? Once you determine what is at the heart of your regret, commit to living true to this lesson learned.

4. Regret is an easy emotion to dwell on but dwelling on it leads to emotional discord and eventually emotional un-health. Spend sufficient time with your regret to learn the lesson inherent in it; then disengage from the regret and focus instead on the lesson learned and applying this lesson in your daily life.

5. Sometimes regret arises when there is something that can be done to remedy the situation. If your regret is healthy and fair (i.e. regret that is tied to violating your values, beliefs, expectations, etc…) and you can take action to alter your course of behavior, then do so – regardless of how difficult this may be in the actual moment. Even if you cannot alter the regrettable action/course of events, expressing your regret as well as taking ownership for the outcomes of your action may bring you, as well as others, relief.