Fwd to Justin

Don’t know where it goes or where it came from but, it sure is pretty.

“There’s no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love. There is only a scarcity of resolve to make it happen. … #quotes“

This quote has lead me to sitting in Cafe Sprouts; a juice bar in Oberlin, OH

WTF am I doing in Ohio?

REV3 Cedar Point Full Ironman.

WTF? Ironman?

Yup.

More on this tomorrow but, this quote above sent to me by two of my training partners lead to my following email response to them on May 20th, 2012.

RE: Fwd to Justin

Hey,

Very nice quote and couldn’t come at a better time.

Dropped out of AmZof 112mi TT. I wanted to treat it as training day but these past three weeks have been crappy. Rode one loop and just felt like shit. Bagged it…. went home slept for an hour and felt better.

I feel like crawling in a hole so I can just focus (or hide). It’s scary to face others when you yourself feel like you’re letting yourself down.

Not going to do REV3 Quassy either but, I have finally spent some time developing a plan to get me to where I want to be (which is the 1st plan I’ll follow since I’ve started).

Focusing on how to make it all come together so I can train, not work, pay bills, etc.

Its funny too bc today I saw my ex and she was like ‘whats wrong?’ (I guess I dont hide my frustrations well.)

I told her there is no catastrophe nor am I depressed but a culmination of many little things that are just building up and causing frustration. Im a bit ashamed but I have been questioning quitting triathlon for the first time ever and just focusing on coaching.

She said it so simply, that even till now, I’ve had it easy. I kind of chuckled bc it hasn’t felt easy but I think things get their hardest when there is the most potential. The past three years have been easy bc my potential hasn’t been as great as it is now. It’s taken a long time to get my body and mind able to handle the rigorous training that we all know is necessary for success.

But now, I know I can handle it.

I do have to resolve a few things to make it work:

I have to eat right. That means cooking more than going out to eat.

I have to sleep. That means consistently going to bed around the same time so I can get my training done early.

I have to save money so everything isn’t a struggle. That means not eating out and paying bills on time.

I basically have to do everything I ever coached any of my athletes to do. That means, when push comes to shove, look to why you do what you do, know it, love it and then figure out how to deal with the reality of the hows.

The 2008, 2009, 2010 and 2011 version of me would want to smack the 2012 version and say, ‘We’ve worked so hard and for you to not commit 100% to justify everything we’ve sacrificed and put effort into would be a waste.’

I also told my ex that at times I feel like I have nothing to show for all my hard work. No extra sponsors, no extra money, no results, no women flocking to me (haha I thought that was funny — she didnt as much!). She reminded me that I never did it for that. That I did it for the wisdom of pushing my body and mind to its absolute limits – further than most others simply bc they are too scared. And here I am scared but understanding that I’ve gained a priceless amount of wisdom about the nature of who I am and what is important to me –some realizations that people much older than me have yet to figure out.

So, I have my plan. I have a big goal that I’m keeping a secret and I’ll pursue it with a full heart because I know why I’m doing this all — to push my limits of what I thought I was capable of. Its like having a really hard workout and everything starts to hurt and instead of being fearful that the finish is too far away its about realizing that this is the moment the whole workout is based around. The goal of the preceding intervals is simply to get you to this place of discomfort and to push through bc you know you can if you just place one foot (or hand) in front of the other.