Warning... this is now more of an adult site. If reading things about what gay men do sexually with one another bothers you - you should not read this blog. This blog is a reflection of my adventures. Some are fun, some not so pretty. I won't name names, or kiss and tell... but I will live to tell. And baby, trust me - I am gonna spill it all over your pretty little party dress. Enjoy.

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2013/08/27

TMI Questions: Happy Birthday!

I like
to celebrate other people’s birthdays. I
like the idea of everybody growing older as I remain the same age. Yes, somewhere there is a portrait in an
attic…

Sadly,
I become rather typically gay-male and something of a stupid, vain old cow when
it comes to birthdays and growing older.
There are parts of me that embrace the aging process, just as there are
parts of me that foolishly believe they can defy it (look at me, I’m Melanie
Griffith!).

I had
my last birthday several years ago. I
made everyone in attendance swear that it was the last time they would force me
to face my own mortality (the mirror in my bathroom does that quite
successfully every fucking morning).

So, be
honest, Sean. This whole TMI… it’s just
your way to find out just how old we all are, am I right?

Fuck
you. (I kid, I kid. Unless… you…. like
that sort of thing?)

Yes,
when it comes to birthdays, I am like Endora on ‘Bewitched’ – utterly humorless
(unless it’s at someone else’s expense).

TMI
Questions: Happy (fucking) Birthday!

TMI
QUESTIONS:

Questions
designed to reveal Too Much Information

Link:
http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

Do you enjoy celebrating your birthday
(forgetting about the getting older part)?

No. I typically ignore it. On occasion friends or family will insist on
something, which I negotiate down to meeting at a restaurant I like for drinks
and dinner. Being the control freak I
can sometimes be, I try to limit the number involved. Sometimes I’m successful. Two years ago I was not, and we ended up
taking up way too much real estate at a real nice restaurant and I ended up
feeling like I didn’t get to talk to anyone (I so rarely see people). It felt like a wasted opportunity. Though it was good to see everyone – I just
wish it had been under happier circumstances.

That
said, I don’t see what there is to celebrate.
Yay? I’m still here?

Well,
depending on one’s point of view, I guess that could be a good thing.

What's your sign and is it accurate?

Aquarius
– I am a Valentine’s Day baby! That is
the only part I like about my birthday. I never had to suffer feeling overlooked on
Valentine’s Day, because I get attention whether in a relationship or not –
hence, no Valentine’s Day blues for this baby!

Aquarius
Traits

The
humanitarians of the Zodiac, the Aquarius are inventive and modern individuals.
Honest truth-seekers, they are broad-minded and creative people. The new, novel
and modern have a magnetic allure in the amiable Aquarius’ world. Friendly,
gregarious, candid, the Aquarius are popular people in their circles. No wonder
they have innumerable friends! However, the truth is that the Aquarius may have
many acquaintances, they may not be really close to anyone in particular. In
fact, they may be quite detached and changeable.

I must
admit I am a total airhead; easily-distracted, scattered (oooh… shiny object). I so want to be creative, but fear it’s a
muscle that while exercised frequently, has never functioned properly (could be
a birth defect, could be due to oxygen deprivation).

I have
met a lot of people who have wanted to be my friend, but I seem incapable. Friendships
seem to happen frequently, but not for long.
Also, being a total introvert, I tend to avoid crowds of people… or any
people, actually.

The
positive/negative traits listed are pretty on the nose, save for that ‘pleasing
personality’ part. But then that depends
on how you interpret it; I am eager to please others, however, personality-wise
I am a bit of a crabby-patty. Hand me a
boodles martini (up, olives, side of ice) and you will find I become much less
so.

What's your Chinese zodiac sign and is it
accurate?

Chinese
Zodiac Sign: Metal Ox

(Is this whole line of questioning just a way
to ‘out’ me, regarding my age? Sean,
fess up.)

Element

The
Metal Element allows the Metal Ox to be the most intense, determined and
motivated of all the Ox signs. The Metal Ox needs to be engaged in practical
pursuits, where it is then possible to display their passion. One must know
that the toughness of the Metal Ox should go without question and the same can
be said for their loyalty and dependability. More so than any of the other
Ox's, the Metal Ox lives life with a foundation of morals and tradition.

(I have never been very practical. Typically, I resort to such only in light of
some catastrophic creative failure – call it my recovery mode. Determined?
You betcha. But these days I am
more likely to spot the folly-to-come before committing any resources. Yes, I am sadder, but wiser. But, really – richer for it.)

Career

(Cah…. Wha?
Huh? Oh, THAT thing.)

The
highly motivated Metal Ox has very few limitations as long as they keep their
passion. In this sense, the Metal Ox can pursue any genuine interest they
desire. With a strong sense of values and justice, the Metal Ox could do well
in politics or law, which as the case for Metal Ox Barack Obama. Similarly,
there are been several successful entertainers, among them being George Clooney
and Forest Whitaker.

(Very passionate when I want to do
something. However, there are fewer and
fewer things (and men) I want to do.
Politics? Ummm, only if you want
a scandal. And yes, let me entertain you
– wink, wink.)

Warning

(I like that this comes with a warning!)

At
times, the Metal Ox can seem arrogant, but realize that this is a product of
their determination turning into impenetrable stubbornness. To overcome this
potential downfall, the Metal Ox has to spend time to develop an open mind. In
the same sense, the Metal Ox can often be too blunt for most people's taste and
should be aware of their ability to offend. Be aware that when the Metal Ox is
too committed to their own views, it is not unusual for clashes to occur!

(I have been accused of being intimidating
and once, by a passive aggressive manager of being physically intimidating (I
can’t see how.), and I am the first to recognize when I am being pig-headed and
have therefore come to limit the number of things in this world that I insist
upon. I am blunt (horribly so), and thus,
have a tendency to offend. I love a good
debate, so clashing with others is rather second nature for me. I can be
horribly contrary, on purpose, just for effect.
The human condition is of great interest to me, so on occasion I will do
or say something just to get the balls in motion. Mmmm… human stew.)

Body

Those
born under the Metal Ox sign have the added benefit of strengthened lungs and
large intestines. Metal Ox's are encouraged to not threaten these vital systems
with unhealthy habits.

(I am happy to learn of the vigor of my large
intestines – it explains why 300-500 crunches a day seem to have no effect on
that part of my body. I hope my liver is
also well fortified. My lungs, on the
other hand, are not what they used to be (one of them is a bit crushed on the
bottom). Was really hoping for some
other organ of significant size, but, based on what nature has provided,
apparently that was not in the cards – not that I am complaining – it just
would have been nice to have one physical characteristic that I could have
built a career on.)

What was your best birthday?

Honestly. Probably that last one at that restaurant
with way too many people. The guest list
was a total surprise to me – people I hadn’t seen for years. The best thing? My parents were there. My Dad was still mobile then (he is currently
housebound). Someone took lots of pics
and I pretty much stuck to his side the whole evening. He looks so happy in the photos (and
fragile). So, it was bittersweet. Fortunately there was plenty of wine to go
around.

Nothing
compliments bittersweet like alcohol.

What was your worst birthday?

When I
was ten my folks insisted we go to these friends of theirs on the night of my
birthday – which meant no cake, no special meal for me. No friends to stay overnight either. So, I was in a pissy mood and acted up quite
a bit, which angered my mother – a force in those days that you did not want to
mess with (hormonal imbalance). I was
distraught because no one seemed interested in celebrating my birthday.

My mom
yelled at me the entire way home and once we got in the house gave me the
spanking to end all spankings. Not only
did it hurt, but I really felt way too old to be spanked. So, I was outraged, embarrassed, frustrated,
and emotionally hurt.

Then –
kaboom – my mom drops all these presents on me; a ton of Hot Wheels related
items that I had been dreaming of – and a cake.
I could not believe she had gotten me what I wanted and had found a way
to afford to do so. That said, the whole
thrill was tainted by what had preceded it.
It was emotional whiplash. Here:
I will beat your ass. Here: now be joyously happy. Well, I couldn’t be happy. It all felt creepy and sad and I hated every
bit of it, but didn’t want to hurt her feelings so pretended to be deliriously
happy.

You
know the album cover for that Hole album, ‘Live Through This?’ Yeah, that’s how I felt.

And –
here’s the thing about all those toys I so loved; they never worked the way
they showed them on T.V. There was
always something wrong with them: they wouldn’t stay on the track, they were
out of balance, the batteries ran out too fast or wouldn’t hold a charge –
always something. Same goes for those
electric race car sets. I just had no
luck with that kind of thing which made for many frustrating
disappointments.

Frustrating
disappointments…

…you
know, kind of like birthdays.

What has been your best age so far?

The
Bronze Age

All
that copper. It was a good thing.

Sure
beat the Stone Age.

Stupid
rocks.

You can
take those stupid rocks and shove ‘em up your ass.

Birthday cake?

Cake,
yes. I like white cake. I like some chocolate. No pink, yellow, or other weirdness though. I
like homemade cakes, made from scratch best.

Frosting,
no. Hate frosting. Though there is a wonderful butter cream made
with Wondra flour that I do like, in small doses. And what is with commercial bakers and their
need to make every cake with a gazillion colors, inedible candy confetti, and
in neon colors? I hate those cakes. They don’t even qualify as food.

Growing
up our cakes were typically those tiny, square Pepperidge Farm cakes from our
grocer's freezer. The frosting was weird,
like something that was never food, and the cake had this odd texture and
taste, too, because it used to be frozen (or still was – sometimes my Mom would
forget to defrost them before serving). I liked the white ones and the ones
with coconut on them. Like eating small, sweet pillows.

Bonus Question:

Is birthday sex expected, a present or a
rarity? Do you get spanked?

Can’t
recall a single time when I got laid on my birthday.

I
always intended to be, but, like Christmas and New Year’s, I always seemed to
be between boyfriends. So, seeking out
some strange in all the wrong places, blah, blah, blah – and on Valentine’s
Day, no less. Talk about your recipe for
failure. What else can you expect, but
severe disappointment? Of course, when
desperate and in bar mode, I tend to drink - not an attractive combination,
trust me.

I wish
I wasn’t such a transparent goon, but… eh, it could be worse. Better to scare
them away than have them wake up remorseful the next morning (maybe that’s why
I never actually ‘sleep’ with my tricks anymore).

As for
spanking: I do get spanked.

But
never on my birthday.

As a
matter of fact, there is currently an ‘older coach-type’ that wants to warm his
hands on my backside. I’m waiting to see
a pic before committing. I’ve been
around long enough to know what ‘older coach-type’ is code for. You know… an older, softer version of
‘football player build’ – wink, wink.

5 comments:

Oh how I have missed you handsome! I am a lot like you when it comes to birthdays, I like others to have a good time. When it comes to me I don't need a big deal. But I don't really mind getting older has long as Im still have sex and look younger than I am.

Do you enjoy celebrating your birthday (forgetting about the getting older part)? Yes as long as no fuss in being made.

What's your sign and is it accurate? Scorpio and it's its extremely accurate and I'll leave it there ;>

What's your Chinese zodiac sign and is it accurate The Rooster and yes it's accurate.

What was your best birthday? When I turned 25, my friends took me to out local gay bar for a male reveue and paid one of them to give me a private lap dance!!! Well we hit it off, hung out all night, and I joined him with three of his other "stripper boys" for breakfast and then to there room for one hell of a hot fivesome!!!

What was your worst birthday? I don't really recall one...yet...unless a surprise party is thrown, then I'll just die.

What has been your best age so far? I think I have really enjoyed them all, but of late I really enjoying my late 30's.

Birthday cake? No. I very seldom enjoy sweets. But salty or chesse then look out!

Is birthday sex expected, a present or a rarity? Do you get spanked? I think you probably know the answer already!

So, is it possible that my birthday aversion and associated annual depression have something to do with the fact that during the formative years of my life, I was raised? (held captive) by a manic-depressive psycho-bitch from Hell and her consort??

In all honesty, I have never made that particular association but it does explain a lot. Thank you for the insight - seriously-

It's funny because it's true! Were our answers can be similar they are. And yes, I am a mathematical genius and by answering my not so cleverly disguised questions I am able to determine your age with I will then threaten to post on the web for all the world to see unless you give in to my demands.

Well, I was FINALLY able to get your blog to open. (Damn internet providers!)

Anyway, you are QUITE creative - your posts prove that. I've got a friend(?) who is an Aquarian and fits the description to the proverbial 'T.' If you were to ask her how many friends she has, she'd say "quite a few" when the reality is "none," mainly because she doesn't know HOW to be a real friend. Sad, but true. Yet, I accept her with all her friendship flaws because deep down, under all the crabby bluster and the 'fuck you' attitude, she's a bright, intelligent, and creative person who really does care - she just doesn't know how to show it. :-)