*UPDATE* – Pandas To Go Extinct (Hopefully!)

It is often said that Animal Review leads and science follows.1 So it was unsurprising that acclaimed British nature host Chris Packham of the BBC has joined Animal Review in suggesting that it may well be past time for panda bears to collectively shuffle off this mortal coil.

Joining the rising tide of voices in the animal commentariat, Packham says, ‘Here’s a species that, of its own accord, has gone down an evolutionary cul-de-sac. It’s not a strong species. Unfortunately it’s big and cute and it’s a symbol of the WWF, and we pour millions of pounds into panda conservation. I reckon we should pull the plug. Let them go, with a degree of dignity.’ Animal Review agrees whole-heartedly, and if there is any sense in the communist government of China, they’ll see the wisdom in this policy as well. Perhaps if it were somehow tied to putting lead in toys they’d get on board faster. Maybe it could somehow involve suppressing political dissidents. Diplomats should consider both.

Packham suggests that the piles of money poured into panda protection, panda conservation, panda breeding, panda houses, panda weekend getaways, and panda sailing trips to Bermuda instead be redirected to guarding the world’s biodiversity hot spots. This is simple common sense, and while Animal Review would first like to get a look at what we’d be protecting in said hot spots before we all start protecting them too hard, letting pandas do what they so clearly desperately wish they could do – die out – is a fine plan indeed.2

So three cheers to Chris Packham for having the courage to say what pandas have been saying (through their refusal to mate) for what seems like forever.

1 Nobody says this.

2 Plus more bamboo for the rest of us. Visit www.bambooshowroom.com for a glorious glimpse of a pandaless future.

19 responses to “*UPDATE* – Pandas To Go Extinct (Hopefully!)”

Perhaps instead of scrapping the whole panda conservation system all together, we could reform it. Letting an entire species go extinct is just cruel, no matter how much “dignity” you might allow them. http://www.newsy.com/videos/adapt_or_die

Why not let them go out with a bang, literally? Organize a massive panda hunt: let all remaining pandas roam in the wild for a couple days, then arm pith hat-wearing hunters with blunderbusses and let them go to town.

This is the last straw ….not the last panda! They are mean and useless, but they are cuter than a lot of the other animals you have reviewed. Fie upon you! I’m not buying the book when it comes out!!!!!!!

This is the last straw ….not the last panda! They are mean and useless, but they are cuter than a lot of the other animals you have reviewed. Fie upon you! I’m not buying the book when it comes out!!!!!!!

So is there some sort of organized panda thing completely lacking a sense of humor? I can’t help but notice the identical measges from two responders. Kinda like when you get an email from political organization X telling you to contact your senator about an issue and supplying content for an email.

he argues that they have hit an evolutionry cul-de-sac yet how well were they doing before humans destroyed vast amounts of THEIR habitat, perfectly fine!

yes they have bad survival instincts and only have one food source (in fact only one kind of bamboo they eat) but since when is it in our power to dictate weather a species be riped out or not. life should be treasured not thrown away to save money

Don’t get too smug.
How, for instance, would one know whether someone identifying his/herself as “Panda” isn’t playing along with the gag?
Once satire becomes as broad as AR’s, it’s pretty well impossible to do anything but guess.

omg i hate you!
just because of stupid bamboo furnitures you want pandas to go extinct?
what kind of person are you?
you are the most heartless person i have ever met!
that is very rude of you!
how could you?
it is killing thousands of lives for our wants and bambbo furniture!
we can survive without bamboo pandas can not!
so you want pandas to die just so you can have stuff that you dont even need! wow you are so selfish!

This is a wonderful articulation of the uselessness of Pandas. As a brown bear, I couldn’t have said it better myself. For years, I have been warning my bear friends that the Pandas are charlatans. Now you have put it online for all to see. I am running for public office and I would like you to contact me about being my running mate. Thank you.

Finally someone with the guts to say what all of us are thinking: I want to try yummy grilled Panda flesh! The main problem is, there are only 1,600 of them left to cook. What a quandary! How can we resolve it? We can’t let the rich get their hands on the tasty white and black meat, or there will be none left for us! I propose a kill-to-own system, where each person has to defeat a Panda in unarmed, hand-to-hand combat to claim its carcass. It is only through hard work that we can keep the memory of these delicious animals alive!

Can pandas be trained to perform tasks in nuclear vessel containment? Maybe Gamma and Beta radiation bombardment might tickle their DNA enough to mutate towards survival. Before it kills them. Just a thought.