Do you ever find yourself having a fight with someone who is not in the room? Someone says or does something that doesn’t sit well with you or one particular person has always rubbed you the wrong way. You start thinking of scenarios where can tell them exactly what you think. This is an invisible fight or what I call “shadow boxing.”

The problem with shadow boxing is that your body does not realize that it is not real. So your heart rate increases, your body starts producing adrenaline, and your breathing will quicken as though you are actually in a real argument with someone. This is a huge waste of time! Even if you have the opportunity to tell that person where to go and how fast, they will never follow the script that you’ve created in your head and you will feel unsatisfied. You are getting upset and worked up for a moment that may never happen. And guess what? That person probably doesn’t even know that you’re upset. They are sleeping at night, while you are all twisted up inside!

If this person is causing you great distress, it is time to confront them with your feelings. Use “I” messages to take the pressure off and the accusation out of your voice (especially if this is a business relationship). Phrases like, “I feel like I’m not being understood when we talk,” comes off much differently than, “You don’t listen!”

On the other hand if you truly dislike this person and they are not important in your life or to your survival, forget them all together and do your best to avoid them. And stop giving insignificant people so much power in your life.