TV 'vice cop' is no prude

Chris Meloni, who on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" plays a police officer always shocked when he comes across a sex crime, is apparently not so blue-nosed in real life. At a recent party for Marie Claire magazine in New York, he told a reporter for fashionwiredaily.com that he and his wife had gone straight to see a sex show when they visited Bangkok.

"We walked in on this woman . . . ," said Meloni, describing an act not suitable for description in a family newspaper, "and I was like, 'Whoa! How the hell does she do that?' My wife said, 'Oh, honey, it's easy. . . . (describing a solution not suitable for a family newspaper).' Now that's why I married her!"

TIC realizes that this expurgated tale, told because of its contrast with the actor's onscreen persona but revealing at the same time that he's happily married, will leave some readers unsatisfied. Curiosity killed the cat.

PARTY AFTER THE PARTY: Having finished the hard work of sparkling at the San Francisco International Film Festival gala on Wednesday night, the stars --

Clint and Dina Ruiz Eastwood, Stockard Channing, Forest Whitaker and Bruce Weber -- took themselves to Tosca for revels that lasted until closing time. Mayor Willie Brown (not walking the floor with that baby) was there, along with models Kate Moss and Frankie Rayder, previous film festival honoree Sean Penn, Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich, Dick Bright, gala co-chair Allison Speer and Bix restaurant owner Doug Biederbeck, a member of the festival board. Tosca owner Jeannette Etheredge, who's on the board too, had been mentioned kindly by Channing from the gala podium. She's on a streak: Winona Ryder mentioned her last year, she said.

(Etheredge and Hayes Street Grill owner Patricia Unterman are co-chairing a Telegraph Hill Neighborhood Center gala on June 8 to raise money for programs benefiting the neighborhood's low-income residents. It's a well-connected 'hood. The list of honorary hosts includes just about every relevant politician in the area: Mayor Brown, Dianne Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi and Aaron Peskin.)

THAT CERTAIN JE NE SAIS QUOI: A rumor that Miss France, a 20-year-old nursing student from Picardie, is a man made tabloid headlines all last week. In Puerto Rico, where preparations are under way for the Miss Universe pageant,

The May 11 pageant, owned by Donald Trump, has had its share of problems this year; co-hosts Naomi Campbell and Elle Macpherson were settled upon only a few weeks ago. This latest rumor, which began on the Internet, doesn't hurt coverage for the event.

THE MAMA CONNECTION: Liz Smith's item about Jim Bailey, who will play Barbra Streisand on "Ally McBeal" tonight and is starring as Judy Garland in a one-man show on Broadway this fall, has a local angle. Jennifer Sanchez, producer of the show, is the daughter of the late Mama Sanchez, owner of the famous North Beach cafe. Six and a half years ago, "at age 37," she says, "I packed my suitcase and went to New York," moving into a one-bedroom apartment, with a mattress on the floor. Success as a producer has been a result of "dumb luck, keeping my nose forward and keeping in mind my objective." Genetics helped, too. "I walked away with her spirit," she said of her mother.

NO MR. NICE GUY: Former British Prime Minister John Major is having a wonderful time traveling and making merry and not being in office anymore. He feels compelled, however, to set the record straight about some aspects of his on-the-job performance.

For one thing, he tells Tatler magazine in its latest issue, he was not ever -- I beg your pardon! -- too nice. "There is a ludicrous fiction that I was not a good butcher, that I didn't like getting rid of people," he tells Tatler. "Actually, if you look at the number of people who went, that is unsustainable. The number of people who left my government is infinitely greater than that of those who have left this one."

The best fans have longevity

"I was once visited in Barbados by the ghost of a woman with a hip replacement."