The Morning After Lost: "I'd like to go back to my cage now."

On Monday, we honored the brave and intelligent men who, as President, have led our country through the 3 great eras in American History: the era of revolution, the era of progress, and the era of Lost. Yes, that’s a real era. Look it up, people!

We’re smack dab in the middle of the Lost era, so thank you Mr. Presidents! Here’s what went down this week, in an Apollo Bar bite:

Kate, Sawyer and Carl head back to the big island. Carl gets all gushy-eyed over Alex, and Sawyer tells him to go back for her. Jack is moved to a cage, where other people (from the plane?) – looking well-rested and clean – come to “watch” something. Juliet is put on trial for killing Danny, but Jack asks Ben to spare her life. A Jack-tastic flashback reveals that Jack once spent over a month in Thailand, where he got his tattoo from a chick with a ‘gift.’ Jack, Juliet, and Ben (needing Jack’s care) eventually head back to the main island.

Here’s what we learn:

1. Jack definitely has a VD. He’s had sex multiple times with an Asian punk rock street girl who wears dresses the size of cocktail napkins. AND he got a tattoo in Thailand. VD central, people!

2. Love’s a brewin’. Carl misses Alex. Alex misses Carl. Sawyer is getting all girly over Kate not paying him enough mind. And, Juliet and Jack had a tender moment or two. I’m putting money on another island sex scene before spring.

3. There is one fatal flaw in the format of this show, although I’m not sure how it can be resolved: Our friends taken prisoner don’t ask enough questions. Kate and Sawyer could have drilled Carl as to what the fuck is going on with this whole thing, but Kate only asked him a handful of things. And, when Jack has the power of keeping Ben alive – or even when he’s alone with Alex  why doesn’t he ask more sweeping questions, like “Tell me what the fuck is going on here, or Ben dies.” It don’t make-a no sense.

4. When you see your ex-boyfriend in a really cheesy and terrible Olive Garden commercial that airs during one of the most popular shows on television, you realize you have the upper hand in the post-break-up relationship.

5. There are other people from the plane alive! We met the stewardess. Does anyone know where they came from?

6. We learn that there’s another power-hitter on the island. Isabel, the sheriff, is a creepy female version of Ben who presides over trials. She looks uptight, and would probably loosen up if someone went down on her.

7. Jack’s tattoo – at least the Chinese characters part – is a somewhat spiritual marking that he wasn’t supposed to get. But, it tells who he is; it means that he is a great leader, but a lonely one. Duh.