I'm really afraid I'm just going-off the deep end. I'm in a pattern right now where I don't fall asleep until about 4 AM (even when I get into bed at a decent hour) and then end-up sleeping until about 11 AM. At LEAST I am getting sleep...but for five years, I was getting-up between 5-6 every morning. I have always been an early riser, even on weekends, and hate feeling like I am wasting a day...but now I just feel like I am wasting my entire life.

I miss the city so desperately, I miss my friends, I miss the routine and excitement of my old job. It's been SIX MONTHS. I just want things to turn around. I want something to be excited for.

I stopped drinking coffee in hopes of getting my sleeping patterns back to normal and today I just ended-up with the WORST headache and wound-up taking a five-hour nap in the middle of the day. I feel like such a lazy bum.

I know how stupid this sounds, but I just find myself longing for childhood when things were so happy and simple. I went to Disneyworld two months ago and it kinda broke my heart in a weird way.

My mom is coming back up until the fall on Monday and I'm just worried about having to deal with her too now. I just want to avoid all the criticism. I really do. But it will be hard being under the same roof. I will NEVER do ANY right by her.

I feel like life is passing me by and I am SO FAR BEHIND.

I just feel so lost and so empty. Last summer, I had never been happier and never felt better about myself. How on earth did I do such a 180?