Because quasi-voyeuristic revelations, semi-personal writings, random discussions, and a place to waste time all attract me more than they should.
Because the nihilistic nothingness of hyper-consumerism which threatens to overwhelm our culture should be fought.
Because Jesus Christ reigns forever, and in Him love, truth, beauty, goodness, and holiness last. Because in the end there is something.

29.11.04

Substitutionary Atonement Theory: Fresh Debate

I think most of the people who are reading this will know what an atonement theory is, and what this one in particular says, but I will give a brief explanation anyway.

Atonement theories are theological ideas about the meaning of the death of Jesus on the cross. This one in particular, the substitutionary theory, claims that Jesus death on the cross was him taking the punishment, God's wrath, for our sins, thus buying us forgiveness, allowing God's justice and mercy to be satisfied at the same time. I hope that does justice to it; if you want to read up on it somemore there are lots of good sites on the web. (here is a reformed theology page for example, took me 30 sec to find, looks decent, my thoughts on reformed theology notwithstanding :)

It has been a long time since I began to have doubts as to the importance evangelicals proscribe this theory of the atonement. How many evangelicals even know that, without going into actual detail, there are three major areas of atonement theories? (Christus Victor, Substitutionary, Moral Influence) We neglect teaching any kind of historical options as to this integral part of theology, and I think that must have consequences. Soon after I started questioning this particular theory of the atonement, I found out I was far from the only one who was dissatisfied with it. For example, C.S. Lewis didn't like it, to throw out a name that is held high in evangelical circles :)
I have intended, for quite some time, to do some serious reading and thinking on the issue, but I have not got to it yet. I think the time has come. This isn't really a decision out of the blue though; the time has come because the debate is already raging in public circles. Steve Chalke has ruffled quite a few feathers with his new book "The Lost Message of Jesus" which is a popularized challenge to this atonement theory, following in the footsteps of several others in the alliance tradition (most recently Hans Boersma). You can read the reaction here, Steve's response here.

I read the verses that the Alliance references in their challenge, and I have to say they are not that convincing. Some of them, i.e. 1 John 4:10, are closer than others. Still, I am reserving any conclusions until further study. If there is anythign I have learned from reading people like Wright, Thiselton, and many many other biblical commentators (it was my degree after all), its that you can't take one verse and read it out of context, put it together with multiple other verses, adn come up with a theory of the atonement. I hope to read some of the new books that are causing the controversy, as well as the older stuff from the originators of the theories. Feel free to offer any suggestions.

On another note, in the same issue, it is interesting that the alliance denies any causal connection between the penal substitution theory and being viewed as harsh and judgemental.

"It may be true, as Steve has claimed, that Evangelicals are often perceived to be harsh, censorious and ungracious, and that this can hamper evangelism. However, we do not accept Steve’s assertion of a causal or necessary link between affirming penal substitution and being harsh, censorious and ungracious."

The reason I find this interesting is as follows: Atonement theory has, among other things, been called the "cornerstone of all theology." Its importance is not denied by many, and if we stop to consider for a moment what this theory is about (the meaning of the death of Jesus), we should not have to pause long before acknowledging its central import. Combine this with another thing. We, as Christians, are supposed to be trying to be like Jesus, like God in other words, to imitate him in our actions and character. If the most important piece of our theology portrays a God who could not just forgive, but had to sacrifice his son in order to do so, should we wonder at all that Christians are known as judgemental and unforgiving?

Now, before you say anything that last questions was stacked. Basically, that question shows one of the centre points of this debate. What does the penal substitutionary theory of atonement teach us of the character of God? Some people have called it 'cosmic child abuse'... as inappropriate as that term may be, we have to consider this question.

Until I do more research, I am staying in the middle position, which is that we cannot truly or fully understand the death of Jesus on the cross. Each theory of the atonement is just that, a theory. It does not answer all the questions, nor does it give us the whole picture. They are all valid; and it is beneficial for us to know them all to some degree. Sound pluralistic? I guess it is, somewhat. This is just my position of being undecided :) I know I don't like some of what I see as the implications of the substitutionary theory, but I know there is much I don't know of these things.

So what do you think? What does the substitutionary atonement theory teach us of the character of God? is there a problem here?

Perhaps the question I wanted answered most, for starters, is this: How many theories of the atonement have you heard of?

28.11.04

The Resurrection of the Son of God

I just finished reading N.T. Wright's book, the title of this post, and it was excellent. I haven't fully processed everything yet, so this isn't going to be any kind of substantial post on it. These are just my initial thoughts and feelings.

I always find the end of Wright's books to be the best, because it is at that point that he takes his historical conclusions, and his arguements, and all the questions he has answered and moves them up a level to ask, in one way or another, so what? I also find the end of Wright's books, at least the books in this series, to be the most frustrating. He always briefly mentions what is coming up in his next volume, and I never want to wait until his next volume is out. I want it now.

For this specific book, his conclusion is something I have heard from him before, in other books or maybe sermons or both. It is his threefold point on what the resurrection means. A summary: many people short circuit from the resurrection to the entire Christian belief system and worldview, and this is not valid. The resurrection alone does not necessitate all that we like to tie on with it, especially ideas about Jesus divinity. Instead, there are three meanings, and one is the idea that Jesus is divine, but this idea comes later and has other things added on to it. The two more immediate meanings are that Jesus is Israel's messiah, God is acting now to bring freedom from exile to his people and all the follows from the messiah having come, and two that Jesus is the true lord of all the world, not just the Jewish messiah. Thirdly, there comes divinity and trinity and the like. Now, this is all good, but somewhere along the line I always fail to make a connection; I am not sure where it is, or what I am missing, but I just don't get parts of what is going on at the end.

I can't really say more about it until I have it clear in my own head. The book is excellent, as is everything I have read by Wright, I learned a lot from it.

25.11.04

Letter:To those who struggle with the current state of the church, especially evangelicals.

I know you struggle with many of the same things I do in regards to church. I have found the being so seperated from all of those things which frustrate me, and make me angry, in evangelicalism, and its attendant organizations, has allowed me to take a definitely needed step back. From this step back, I have realized many things; most of them are self-condemning, not in a bad way, but in that I have made many mistakes.

I have allowed myself to become so critical and so cynical that I search for the bad without thought; I often do not give people the benefit of the doubt, or act in love as I should. I also have continually fought a losing battle with hope; that is, I have many times, and in many ways, lost hope. I have become lazy. I see problems, and though blessed with intelligence, education, opportunity, all in an abundance which most of the world does not have, I do next to nothing. I have long thought that no one could blame me for these faults, and perhaps no one can, but I cannot defend them or justify them to myself or to God.

I no longer think there is anything wrong with backing off. There is no point in beating your head against a brick wall because you can no longer see that it may be possible to move over, around, under or through it. Taking a step back allows for recuperation to my damaged head, concussions just aren't good :), as well as new perspective on the problems.

You and I are not even close to being alone in our frustrations. I have been quite arrogant in many ways. I viewed my evironment as an exception. Could I be blamed for that either? consider my experience (if you can), what I know of other churches, tv evangelists, etc. etc. Perhaps here to, it is understandable that I make such a mistake. But it is not justifialbe either. I am far from being a member of 'the few' even if people who are moving in this area are the minority.

It is high time I allowed myself to make a positive contribution somewhere, and as always, I must start with myself. You cannot give what you don't have, you can't be what you aren't, we all produce fruit in keeping with our nature. It is from inside a mans heart that words come out of his mouth. This is another mistake I have made; seeing a mistake does not necessitate immediate action, or else I may do as much or more damage than the mistake I am trying to fix. First remove the log from your own eye, then you will see to remove the speck from your brothers. I am not wise. I do not know what to do about many things that I have been blessed, or cursed, with being able to percieve. This is just another version of pushing ahead, failing to admit you are wrong, in a course of action which has already been proven a failure. He is a fool who thinks he can fix a problem by doing the same things twice as hard, and I have indeed been a fool.

I am called to have faith in Jesus Christ, to love my neighbor as myself, to live a life that allows me to truly be an ambassador for Jesus, to walk as He walked. If I am unsure of all this involves, and I am definitely unsure, then that does not mean I can stop, but it does not mean I can rush forward either.

Perhaps you, who struggle with these frustrations, can learn from my mistakes. Perhaps simply knowing you are not the only one is enough. In any case, learn from my failures, as vague and unspecific as I have left them. Do not become another burnt out, beaten up, Christian because you couldn't back up and fall into the arms of the Lord. Don't lose your love, don't lose your hope, and don't lose your faith.

"The current church culture in NA is on life support. It is living off the work, money and energy of previous generations from a previous world order. The plug will be pulled either when the money runs out (80 percent of money given to congregations comes from people aged fifty five and older) or when the remaining three fourths of a generation who are institutional loyalists die off or both..."

"A growing number of people are leaving the institutional church for a new reason. They are not leaving because they have lost their faith. They are leaving to preserve their faith."
( i McNeal, Reggie. The Present Future. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2003. p.1)

"Christianity started out in Palestine as a fellowship. Then it moved to Greece and became a philosophy, then it went to Rome and became an institution, and then it went to Europe and became a government. Finally it came to America where we made it an enterprise."
( iii Richard Halverson, while he was US Senate Chaplain. Source Unknown.)

some good quotes stolen from an article on Allelon, which you can't get to without registering :). (www.allelon.org).

Also, I found an amazing sight that anyone who deeply cares about the future of the Christian church and the development of its theology, and so on, in this ever changing culture should check out: www.opensourcetheology.net (to lazy to link it)

"But that is really only a matter of perspective; and besides, I suspect that the believer is seldom entirely convinced by the rhetoric. What appears as conviction is often more like denial, not a certainty about the truth but a refusal, driven by a fundamental intellectual insecurity, to recognize the force of the objections." A quote from an article on open source theology, referring to the objections Christianity faces and how believers deal with them.

22.11.04

Love Grows

Often, in my marriage, and my relationship with my wife, I notice, and marvel, at how our love continually grows. If you had asked me when we first met, or even when we got engaged, if I could ever love someone this much, I would have had no concept of where I, and we, are at now.
I am used to moments where I realize my love for her has grown. That happens fairly regularly in this marriage and, I hope, in most marriages. But something different happened recently. It was like I could feel my heart expanding. As if I could watch love envelope areas of my black heart that had been previously surrounded in selfishness, as they were washed in fresh blood and brought back to life.

But, perhaps the most surprising part of this experience, this was not occuring because Kristina did anything wonderful for me. She does such things daily, and they do indeed bring us together and cause our love to grow. This time though, I was the one privileged to be doing something for her. She has been very sick of late, and I have had to do a lot of things for her, and do a lot of the work we usually share. And, to my astonishment, being able to give so much to her like this has definitely brought out more love than usually comes the other way around.

This whole thing has taught me a lot. Firstly, that I, and all of us, are capable of a lot more love than we think. But it really does take action. There is a saying "only those who have faith obey, and only those who obey have faith" regarding the Christian life, and it is true of love also. Love really is a choice. Love grows much more when you act out of it then when you recieve it. Being able to have both is pure joy.

It gives a whole new meaning to the idea that it is in giving we recieve, and in sacrifice that we truly live.

My wife is hilarious. On an evening this last weekend, when she wasn't feeling very hungry, and I was complaining because I was, she decided to pull a prank... kind of. She locked me in the computer room, as only a woman can "Don't come out!!" (said with that tone), and prepared dinner for me.

When I was allowed to exit, I found our apartment turned into a candlelit dining area, complete with nice place settings, and a waitress (Kristina, of course). Through the entire meal she refused to acknowledge that she was my wife, putting on a perfect impression of a paid servant. She then served me salad, 'crouton' with jam and peanut butter, nacho's with ground pork, chili powder, cheese and salsa, and 2 chocolate covered almonds for dessert (still not sure where she got those).

I wasn't sure if I should laugh, or play along, or be really appreciative. I also wasn't sure if I should say something about the small portions. I did wonder what she was going to do for dinner. But, soon, all of these questions were resolved... The pizza delivery man arrived.

19.11.04

Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex

I just finished watching GITS: SAC last night, or at least the first season (the 2nd season is currently being aired, and only the first 15 episodes have been fansubbed so far. Haven't started that season yet). But, anyway, I finished the first season.

I love anime, and while I haven't watched tons of it, I have seen a bit. This anime has to be the best I have watched to date, my new favorite. Its simply amazing. I liked the first movie, and if you did to, then you should definitely watch the series. Its awesome. And now the 2nd movie is out, and the 2nd season is airing as we speak. I can feel the tingles going up my spine.... ahhh, tingly tingles.

17.11.04

Movements

I found an interesting article on movements. Its actually about respecting the earth, the domestic arts, and the problems in our economy, but it begins with movements. Its an excellent article in and of itself, I could quote the whole thing, but for this blog entry, just the stuff about movements will do:
"In Distrust of Movements"
by: Wendell Barry

"People in movements too readily learn to deny to others the rights and privileges they demand for themselves. They too easily become unable to mean their own language, as when a “peace movement” becomes violent. They often become too specialized, as if finally they cannot help taking refuge in the pinhole vision of the institutional intellectuals. They almost always fail to be radical enough, dealing finally in effects rather than causes. Or they deal with single issues or single solutions, as if to assure themselves that they will not be radical enough."

I think I have been in something that had the problems described here, and elsewhere, in this article. Its a very frustrating thing, let me tell you. But Barry is right. He is right here, and in his other criticisms. It's so easy to get caught up in your own language, your own one solution to that one problem, one answer to that question that you aren't even sure if anyone is asking, and forget the rest of the world that is around you. Our culture has followed such a specialized path to... well, to everything, that somewhere along the line we decided that we, as Christians, could follow suit. It doesn't work. Specialized, in many cases, might as well be another word for disconnected, self-centred, unaware, culturally irrelevant, inward focused bubble.

Is that to harsh? I know I am influenced by where my experience in such things comes from. So was I involved in a worst case scenario, or as it seems to me, the norm?

Such a cryptic post... if you can follow this, i guess you know me fairly well.

There are things that someone really needs to tell you before you go into a foreign country. Like how the medical system works.

When we got our job, we were given the choice of getting medical insurance or not. We immediately, and fortunately, said yes. Everyone told us this was a good idea. Its actually very normal for teachers to get quite sick in their first month or two here. Combine the fact that you are getting exposed to all the new strains of viruses that you don't have at home with the fact that you are working with the primary spreader's of viruses, and you pretty much gaurantee you are going to get a cold/flu/stomach problem/etc. at least once. Kristina and I have been no exception.

So far I have been sick twice; the flu, a few weeks ago, and a cold that I am almost completely recovered from. Nothing to write home about, nothing I went to the doctor for.

Actually, come to think of it, I did write home about it. And this is the first thing you should know about the Korean medical system. Western medicine is fairly new here, so you can't even get NeoCitrin without a prescription... my mom sent me neocitrin, and contac c, and the like. But, my issues were not that bad.

Kristina, on the other hand, got a fairly serious sinus infection. She got it last thursday, and by monday hadn't improved at all, so we went to the doctor. Naturally, shortly before we went to the doctors, we found out something very important. It is regular practice in Korea for a doctor to give you steroid shots to help you get over a cold. I guess it works... nonetheless, it was quite a blow to my confidence to hear this. The plus side is that almost all doctors learn medicine in English, so your chances are excellent that you can communicate with your doctor.

"Hello doctor, how are you?"
"LSJ;lKJFd;ljafd;l" (ok, so they can't do day to day conversation)
"I have an earache, stomachache, headache, and sinus problems"
doctor: "ahh, well I will prescribe you antibiotics, let me look in your ear, and you can come back in two days to see me."

Which leads to the next important fact. Doctors here don't give out more than 2 days worth of medication, except under duress.

After taking Kristina to the doctor, we went to the pharmacy downstairs.
SIDENOTE: They are smart enough to keep everything in teh same building here. The whole building is labs and clinics. Where we went was a laser clinic, ultrasound clinic, and foreigners clinic (and this was just one floor, and one office set, of a building at least 10 stories tall). We left with hairless legs, a new picture of our unborn baby, and a long sheet of prescription paper trailing behind us.

At the pharmacy the pharmacist laughed at us because she could not speak english...? and we left with more pills than anyone under 80 should be taking in two days. Apparently, they don't prescribe just antibiotics. They give you everything... we recognized one pill, it was a tylenol (3 a day). The other 15 pills for the day... well your guess is as good as mine. We just hope they are not habit forming.

By the time we go to our third doctors apointment, all within 7 days, Kristina will have taken about 90 pills.

10.11.04

Pepero DayToday, Nov. 11th, is a special day in Korea. It is Pepero Day!!!

Let me tell you about Pepero day: It is a day that has only been celebrated for 4 or 5 years here, and what you are supposed to do is give pepero sticks) to your friends and family. (Pepero sticks are the same as Pocki, if you have ever heard of that. Chocolate covered wafer sticks).

Why did they start celebrating this holiday only such a short time ago? The answer to that is very simple. It was only such a short time ago that the marketting genius's at Lotte thought if it. Lotte is a very very large company over here; they have fast food restaurants, department stores, they make everything. One of the things they make is the candy called Pepero. Of course, now that there is a pepero day there are lots of imitations. Pipiro, Peperong, etc. etc.

I guess it was only a matter of time before some company took advantage of this kind of thing. Every holiday is so commercialized anyway, why not make a holiday really doesn't have any history or basis outside of it?

I asked one of my kids what it was, and he gave me my favorite answer so far: "Mr. Pepero wants more money, so he made up pepero day."

I only have one question. When I get home, back to canada, can we have a "Hershey's Kiss Day" ? I can see the captions now, "Kiss the ones you love and care for on Kiss Day."

9.11.04

A Trip to SeoulThis weekend Kristina and I took a trip to Seoul. Never been to Seoul? Let me tell you about it, and our trip.It started with a lazy saturday morning. Seoul is a 2-3 hour bus ride away, depending on traffic and such. But we didn't take the bus, we took the KTX. Hi-speed train. Not quite the bullet train, but it goes 3ookm/h. We really should have bought tickets ahead of time, or maybe gone earlier in the day. Most people get up early to make weekend trips, you know maximize your time and all that. Not us. Why move when you could not move? wake up when you could sleep? The KTX does the trip in 45 min, a vast improvement over the bus. And due to our laziness, we were forced to buy first class tickets (Darn!!). If riding a hispeed train is like anything, its like flying. You go fast, in a straight line, the washrooms look the same, they have TV's and stewardesses with free drinks and headphones. And you have more space. 3 seats to an aisle, just like first class busses out here (they do have such things), so there is no cramping. We should have known that riding a hispeed train to start off the trip would somehow backfire on us. I think it set the pace. 300km/hr. Why can't the lazy saturday morning set the pace? No, it has to be a polished white spear that moves past hills faster than you can say "anyong haseyo!". Upon arriving in Seoul, we moved from our polished white spear to our polished white train station, and then to the metro, all without going outside, naturally. Also, all with the hipaced nervous anxiety of business travellers. Somehow, when you are surrounded by suits, who can't seem to move slowly and who are very pushy, you just get moving. As an aside, the subway system in Seoul is amazing. Anwhere you want, quickly, cheaply (as long as you stay away from the outskirst of seoul, its not more than a buck). It has the same atmosphere as the train station though. We breathed in RUSH for a long time. So, enough details about that. We checked into our motel, a place in a very convenient location that caters to foreigners, cheap, not the merriot, but everything you need. Jongnowon motel if your curious. We then headed out to do some shopping, the main purpose of this weekends trip to Seoul.

First to Yusong, the largest electronics market in Korea. Cheap, huge, and very very white, on the inside that is. Each floor was all white, the floors the roof and so on, I think its so you eyes are inevitably drawn to the booths and electronics. Its also so that you can't ever quite get a sense of the dimensions of the place, it makes it feel huge. Which seems to be a common thing in Korean architecture, they did the same thing with different tricks at the bookstore we went to later, Kyobo books. Nothing like making sure you feel small when your already among the people of the shorter average height (no offense to asians intended). Why would they want to do that? After Kyobo and Yusong, we had dinner adn went Insadong. Insadong is very cool. Its right near the place we stayed at, walking distance. It is s street market and traditional korean area right in down town seoul. Somehow they manage to make you feel like you in the middle of this old asian area, even though the skyscrapers can't be blocked out. There are lots of shops selling well priced touristy items. But my favorite part are the many small alleys what wind their way away from the main market street. Dark, with traditional architecture, skinny, and maze like, the first thing a foreigner might think is that you would never go to such a place at home. But its just so neat. We found on place, a tea and meditation room that just called out to me. We didn't have time to go there, but next time. It looked really cool. On sunday we did more shopping, and continued to rush around. It was only when we finished everything we came to do at 1 on sunday afternoon that we stopped, took stock, and realized how fast we had been moving all weekend, and how tired we were. We must have walked a couple marathons, not to mention several skyscrapers worth of stairs. So we grabbed our luggage out of our subway locker (had to put it somewhere after checkout time), and hopped on a bus home. We both slept half or more of the way home, and relaxed sunday evening. Start with a lazy sunday morning, and end with a lazy sunday night. Now, no matter what it sounds like, moving that quickly and being so busy, wasn't really bad. It kind of felt Korean. We accomplished a lot, we are both finished our christmas shopping except for each other (or mostly anyway), and we had fun. Actually, what really felt unreal was going to work monday morning. It all felt too slow. Or just on the edge of being to slow, like a little itch that just hovers on the side of your consciousness. So, the moral of the story: beware of korean trains (wether metro or cross country) they do something to you... something strange, something that wakes you up in the middle of the night as it is seared to the back of your eyelids.

7.11.04

In Response to the Comments on my last post

I don't like that bush won, but I don't think its the end of the world. I don't think the election was nearly as simple as you make it out to be anthony. I was thinking about what makes the U.S. vote for Bush when the rest of the world hates him? what do they see that we don't, or vice versa? And I think I came up with a theory. Bush is a bully. Nobody likes the bully unless he is on their side, and guess what? The U.S. public see him as on their side. I don't think he will run rampant on his second term because he has free mandate or something, he did whatever he wanted on his first term, so the second term won't be any different. He controlled/controls public opinion, right from the very start before he was even elected (i.e. the whole fox news thing, not to mention teh voter scandal in florida). I think its total close minded crap when people say they vote for him because he is a Christian. True he is prolife and anti-fag, but the bible says a lot more about honesty and integrity than it does about sexuality and abortion. I don't think the prolife side is actually going anywhere. in reality the difficulty of abortions and the number of abortions has no relationship; nearly half the worlds abortions take place in countries where it is illegal. On the other hand, Kerry is a Christian, or claims it as much as Bush, but because he is "a liberal prochoicer" that is not trusted. Only one of these men has lied publically to the people he is claiming to lead...
Regardless, he wasn't elected solely, or even mostly, because he was those things. They helped, undoubtedly. Evangelical christians have, unfortunately, become powerful lobby groups in the states (it doesn't take much of a church history lesson to know what happens to most Christian groups when they get power; we are no different).

It is very true that conservative evangelical christianity in the U.S. seems to have narrowed its focus down to only two issues, maybe three. Abortion, Homosexuality, and Stem cell research. Bush and hi party hit all the right buttons, and some day I hope that conservative evangelicals look back with shame on the narrowness of their vision at this time in history. But, I have to remember that I can look back on many parts of my own life with disapointment; i can remember views I held that I would be ashamed to hold today. Really, who can say they are not numbed by the TV? by their own personal self interest? Can any of us claim that our vision is wide enough to match the Love of God?

The samaritan must have known he was helping a Jew, one of those who hated him and made him outcast.

It is very easy to look at a group of people and criticize them much more harshly because we somehow think its no longer personal. Admitedly, I am among those critics, and I don't think we should let everything, or most things, go by without comment. I am just suggesting humility in criticism, love in our discernment so that we can avoid judgement. Who knows, maybe Bush getting reelected will be the end of the world, and then there won't be any evangelical christians to look back with shame.

I have to say, I am severely disapointed that Bush was re-elected. I am saddened that some of his main supporting base comes from the same church as me. But I am not surprised. It is true that Jesus, the prophets, etc. condemned the religous establishment more harshly, more often and so on, than anyone or anything else. It is also true that Jesus loved the outcast, loved those who hated him, turned the other cheek, etc. I cannot claim a right to anger anymore than I can claim a right to peace or comfort. I would rather be/see a prophet who pleads for those he must condemn, who weeps for those that he calls down destruction on, who knows the word of Lord is like a fiery ember that cannot be held in because he has tried to hold it in, than a person who gets angry and judgemental regardless of the leading of God.

Thats my rant. no unity of thought, no editing, no quoting or referencing. have fun. I would also like to add that much of this is directed at myself as much as anyone else.

I can't sleep. I don't know what time the blog says I am posting this, but it is late. I left my blog on MST, but I think I am 18 hours ahead of that right now. It sucks not being able to sleep. Especially when I have to get up early tomrrow morning for school.

It's also really wierd. I really feel like writing, or doing something productive. After all, I am up anyway, might as well use the time. Unfortunately I don't think I am really clear enough to do much besides ramble, watch something I could only half understand, or play very simple computer games. So, of those options, I am rambling. Why not? This is my website, my writing, and you don't have to read this, no one is making you.

If there does happen to be someone out there with a gun to their head, being forced to read this blog, leave a comment, and let me know who the insane guy is with the gun so I can knock some sense into him.

Wow, there are a lot of problems with that last proposition aren't there? "Look buddy, just let me know who wants to kill you, so that when he is finished, and you are all cleaned up, we might have a better chance of catching him!" Send me in chief, I'm ready.

"Is it any wonder why i'm scared?
.....
You never dreamed you'd have to live your life so gaurded...
I'm not afraid of tomorrow, I'm only scared of myself.
.....
I'm looking through the eyes of someone else.
Never thought they'd want me to go even faster
Never thought I took my foot off the gas
Everyone loves to be in on the pressure,
but I know they're all waiting for the crash."
SR-71 Lyrics, Tomorrow (or at least some of the lyrics)

The other night, when I was half awake because my alarm was going to go off soon, I was thinking that I didn't sleep good because it felt like someone else was doing the sleeping. You ever feel like that?
Well, now its time for me to do the sleeping.