Author: Zoë Roelant

I don’t know about you, but I have been doing A LOT.
The trap is though: you can never gather enough ‘doings’ to start being.
Um…
I’m sorry what?

I’m just saying that sometimes your ego tricks you and prevents you from resting and taking breaks.
Because if you’re doing nothing, “you’re lazy and you’re not worthy”
and then you feel guilty that you’re “not being productive”…

But guess what I found out…
Babies do nothing all day and they are so valuable!
You used to be a baby once, and everbody around you loved you
for being a baby and doing NOTHING all day (and on top of that
others were even cleaning your pee and poo!)

So…
am I saying you should act like a baby?
God no!

I’m just saying that we should learn to feel valuable when we are just being (like babies!)
Just being and watching netflix.
Just being and meditating.
Just being and… (fill in the blanks)
Just being!

And we should take naps and breaks and days off,
without our ego trying to trick us into feeling guilty.

(No offense ego, we do need you, but sometimes,
you kind of make up problems that aren’t really there…)

To sum it up:
Just listen to Winnie The Pooh (seriously guys)
and take naps when you need to.

Now that christmas is coming up, we are spending a lot of time
with our families. And so I realised something…

Guys…
For some time now I have been waiting.

Waiting…
for what?

For my family to become perfect.
There, I said it!
For my sister to become a bit more supportive.
For my mother to finally start setting her boundaries.
For my grandmother to stop complaining so much… etc.

You know what I realised?
Just as I expect myself to be perfect,
I also expect it from my family.
Shocker, I know!

As if I and them are not allowed to make mistakes…
Of course we aren we’re human!
Let us all make as many mistakes as we can, as fast as we can, so we can learn and grow.
Without mistakes there can be no growth or progress (I’de write that down if I were you!)

Soon the hollidays are coming up and I already know everyone will be
their beautiful imperfect selves.
Well guess what…

All I want for christmas is to able to give my family the space they need
to be their imperfect selves and to honour their journey and their process.
(without judging them or trying to change them!)

So I need to repell myself or otherwise my day just consists out of kissing
(in a motherlike kind of way, you dirty minds!) and hugging my dog.

Because he is so cute and looks so innocent, I’m finding it hard to set my boundaries.
Because I feel for him and in my heart I want him to be free. That is why he keeps testing me
and my leadership.

But guess what I found out…
I thought his happiness completely depended on his freedom.

Boy, was I wrong.

During walks he tends to be very stressed and alert. Our dog coach says that during walks he builds up a lot of frustration: he sees a cat, he can’t chase her, he sees another dog, can’t chase him either, sees a bird, can’t run away because I’m on the leash…
So what happens, when we arrive home? He has a lot of built up frustration.

So first thing that is key is: play more frequently and more focused with your dog. That is one of the ways in wich they can release stress and frustration.
So we made our walks shorter and our playtimes bigger
(for example one or two walks of 20 minutes per day and one or two intensive playsessions of 15 minutes).

Okay fine, but what does this have to do with leadership?

Two things:

First, your dog can teach you to become an intuitive leader. Follow your gut. I noticed that my dog likes to secretly take magazines and tear them apart into tiny pieces (he loves that). I felt that this was one of his ways to release built up emotion, so now and then I give him an old magazine that he’s allowed to tear apart. I’m not sure dog coaches recommend it, but it works for and for him, so… 😀

Second, if you give your dog(s) rules and boundaries they feel more safe. In the beginning it seems weird, but that’s how it is.
Also: if you act like a strong leader and really take the lead, your dog will feel more safe around you (since you are able to protect him).
So don’t be too ‘emotional’ about giving your dog rules. If you want a calm and happy dog, step up and be the leader he needs you to be.
Reward him for good behavior and punish him for bad behavior.

In short: freedom comes in many ways and forms.
It doesn’t always mean what you think it does…

For a long time now I treated my boundaries as if they were compromises.
So I thought I was standing my ground when actually I realised…

A compromise is not the same as a limit or a boundary.
A compromise can be changed, it is variabel.
A boundary is permanent.

Let me give an example.

A while ago someone in my environment was pushing me to organise a housewarming.
(I talked about it with my bf and we’re not a fan of the idea… lots of chaos in the house etc, so we decided to keep things a bit more private and just invite people over for dinner for example).

Anyway that being said.
A part of me that still wanted to please, was willing to compromise.
I was like yeah sure okay… but if we have to do a housewarming I want to turn it into
a theme party etc…

Anyway thats not the point.
The point is, I had set my boundary, which said: NO housewarmings.
And yet again I was pushed and felt a but guilty and was already trying to compromise
to please someone else.
As soon as I saw that I called the whole thing off.

It looked cute, but they were testing my boundaries.
Here’s the problem though…
If I give in to this… what will the next thing be?
And the next thing after that?

So I said NO.

I don’t like it when others try to manipulate me into something that
doesn’t feel right for me.
There’s no need for that.
So I kindly declined.

So are you saying you’re against compromises?
God no.
They’re a beautiful thing.
You just internally need to decide what the difference is for yourself.
Decide what your boundaries are and where you are willing to compromise.

If someome says to you, can we have brunch at 10 and you say no
that’s not possible, can we have brunch at 11… that’s a compromise.
And that’s okay.

If you don’t really like that person and you don’t have a good feeling about them
and you say no to their brunch invitation, that’s a boundary.

No, no worries I didn’t. The only thing I am guilty of, is always ‘forcing’ myself to eat healthy.
Now before you start thinking about that, hear me out…

We are brainwashed to eat healthy food, superfoods, avoid gluten and dairy,… etc.
Usually I eat healthy. But everytime I do eat something so called ‘unhealthy’, I feel guilty as hell.
I don’t think this is normal. Yesterday as I was enjoying a steam bath realised something.

Healthy food is not the holy grail of a healthy body.

Shocker.
I know.

As I sat there becoming all relaxed I had an (as Oprah likes to call it) aha-moment.
Health is about a lot more than what you put inside your body.
True health and maintaining it, also has a lot to do with the thoughts you think.
Unloving thoughts can make you ill. Diseases are sometimes caused by
negative thought patterns (check out Louise Hay – you can heal your life – if you haven’t already)

Health is a lot more than healthy food…
Health is sleeping well and being able to rest on time.
Health is going to the wellness center and relaxing in a steam bath or a sauna.
Health is being around nature.
Health is taking responsibilty for your own happines.
For me personally, health is being around water.

When it comes to food this is the rule I follow at the moment:
70 % healthy, nutricious food
30% ‘unhealthy’, whatever I want – food

And on top of that, I take responsibilty for my own happiness (most of the time, I’m only human after all 😉 ).
I do yoga and I take the time to think about what I’m grateful for.

Having said that…
I have a suggestion…
How about we stop beating ourselves up or forcing ourselves
to always having to eat healthy food.
And instead we also take responsibilty for our own happiness.
What do you need to become happy and healthy?
Your body knows and at this moment it might not be healthy food, it might be something else…
You have all the answers, just listen…

Homework for today: eat something that you love that is ‘unhealthy’ and enjoy every bite of it,
without feeling guilty during or after.