I’m Still So Weak I Can’t Even Think of a Good Title

Sometimes I think, “With all this craziness going on, what could possibly happen to make things even more crazy?” And then the universe answers me by having the school nurse call me at work, to tell me that Connor has a fever.

But HAHAHAHAHA, screw YOU universe, because hubs took Thursday and Friday off to nurse the sick boy. You didn’t get me, I went to work ALLLLLLL week!!!!

Yep, I sure did. And Friday night, about 7:30, I said to hubs, “is it cold in here to you, because all of a sudden I’m freezing?” And thus began my four days of intense sickness hell. So, um, sorry universe, you won this one, okay?

It turns out that hubs had to work a 14-hour day on Saturday, so Connor and I worked out a nice little arrangement wherein he retained property rights over the living room sofa and big-screen TV, and I maintained the “vacation home” property, which features my bed and smaller TV, which was tuned to a marathon of Hoarders episodes. We coexisted peacefully all day Saturday, with me getting up every two hours, shuffling 20 feet from my bed to the living room to change his movie, refill his water, and dose him again with some kind of fever/cough/cold remedy.

I do not endorse any one particular medication...but sometimes when you switch them around and mix them????

On Sunday, we had the satellite TV people coming, because it was time for the biennial “changing of the TV service to maximize savings” extravaganza. But see, we also needed groceries. Desperately. We were out of bread, and since Connor and I were surviving on toast and water, we were in dire straights. I decided to drag myself and the boy out of the house for a quick grocery shopping trip, to leave hubs to deal with the TV nonsense.

I had high hopes that getting out of the house would make us feel better, but when you’re still fighting an intermittent fever, it does not help one little bit. So I dashed through the store, with Connor standing on the bar of the grocery cart, holding the handles, and wanting to lie against my upper body while I pushed the cart. “Keep me warm, mommy.” So yeah, we probably looked like lunatics, but we were too fever-brained to really care.

Where we live, the grocery business is dominated by one main chain, with only one other minor chain scattered around. So this chain, called HEB, has developed itself a mascot. I’m not really sure why a grocery store needs a mascot, but they have one, and maybe that’s why they’ve achieved total grocery dominance in the area.

So, you might wonder what kind of mascot a grocery store would have. A can of corn? A stalk of broccoli? No. The mascot is a brown, paper grocery bag. And that’s funny, because my kid doesn’t even know what that is. He’s never even seen a brown, paper grocery bag. Because they don’t use them anymore.

So. They really take this thing seriously, and they call it “HEB Buddy.” As we’re shuffling through the grocery store, walking toward us is someone dressed as the HEB Buddy. It’s a full-on suit, complete with white gloves. Sort of like one of those Disneyland characters, except not as cute and well done, and certainly not a fun place to be like Disneyland. But maybe they are trying to emulate the Disneyland ambiance, because here comes Buddy, being escorted by a female staff person. Look, here’s Buddy:

They couldn't pay me enough to wear this.

So, we have fevers, we’re coughing, we’re weak and sweaty from being up and mobile, and here comes Buddy. And Buddy’s perky handler says to Connor, just bubbling over with cheer, “hi there, would you like to say Hi to Buddy?”

And Connor says:

“Hi, Fathead.”

Fathead. That’s what he said. Didn’t even hesitate, just let it flow. And let’s be honest here, Buddy is a fathead. Look at him up there, with his big, fat head. And because I am a super awesome mom, I immediately started laughing. Yep. I just laughed right out loud. And then I noticed perkilicious looking at me, and I realized I was supposed to do some kind of mom thing here where I correct my child for his faux pas. So I said, “Connor, that wasn’t a nice thing to say, please apologize.” And so he said, “sorry.” And as we walked away, I leaned over and whispered, “but it sure was funny.” And he giggled and said, “yeah.”

And that right there was the highlight of the past 4 days. Well, that and the fact that when the doctor swabbed Connor’s nose she caused a MASSIVE nosebleed.

Now I have to go back to the store for stain remover.

Poor kid, it was like adding insult to injury. And at the end, when she thanked him for being patient, he said, “thank you. Thank you doctor, for sticking that thing in my nose and making it bleed.” So, um, yeah, I had to prompt another apology. Sigh.

We’re back on the mend, and out in the world again, and I think that’s it for updates. Oh wait. There’s one more update. It appears that Lizbeth, from Four Sea Stars has tagged me for ANOTHER meme.

Ahem.

Thank you, Fathead Lizbeth, THANK YOU for tagging me for yet another of your memes.I will jump all over that mofo and make it my bitch by Friday, I swear. Really, thank you soooooo much for that.

Oh the karma! That just sucks! And poor Conner with the bloody nose all apologetic! Glad you are both getting better. Clearly, you had all the standard meds… Where is the alcohol? You know, just to sterilize everything…

I am confused about the lack of brown paper bags, though. What DO you use in Texas?

That’s totally true about Piggly Wiggly. You have your choice of “I’m Big on the Pig” t-shirts (solids, tie-dyed, hunting camo), “Get Piggy With It” bumper stickers, and mascot pig car decals. By FAR the most successful grocery store branding I’ve even seen (or imagined…). HEB might need to take a lesson from The Pig.