#951 Hearing a stranger fart in public

Well sure, it can happen in a bank lineup, hotel lobby, or subway car. It can happen in a restaurant, movie theater, or local bar. But the funniest of all has got to be the Elevator Fart. That’s the king of public farts, for two main reasons:

1. Acoustics. It’s almost always dead silent in an elevator. People usually keep quiet, stare firmly at the front door, and wait for their floor. Any whisper or laugh echos around the box with full force, reverberating loudly for all to hear. So a giant, rippling fart popped out by a bald businessman in a suit holding a briefcase in front of him? That’s like a 21 gun salute.

2. Time. If you’re climbing a highrise, you’re spending maybe a minute or two with these people. It’s you and them, locked together. Hearing a stranger fart on the sidewalk is one thing. Hearing a stranger fart in a tiny, enclosed room is another. Nobody can escape the full experience, from big bang to first whiff to total elevator saturation.

Hearing a stranger fart in public is great partly because of everybody’s reaction. There are really four main types of fart reactions you see:

Concealed Laughers. These folks purse their lips tightly, pop open their eyes, and try not to laugh. If they’re with friends then the sight of their friend also trying to hold in their laugh can be too much, and they suddenly explode into a full-blown belly laughs.

The Business Class. Folks in suits often try to pretend that nothing happened. “Nope, everything’s just chipper here, I don’t smell anything at all.” Their only tells might be a very subtle step away from the culprit and a few extra looks at their watch.

Deep-Sea Divers. These folks try to hold their breath as long as possible. They hear the fart and it’s “Come on lungs, don’t fail me now.” They’re the ones with the chipmunk cheeks who eventually pop and gasp desperately for air when the door opens.

Innocent Children. Little kids are always the funniest. I once heard a child in an elevator say “Mommy, that man just farted” with a full-on finger point right into the well-dressed ass in front of his face. But hey, I guess if you’re going to fart in a kid’s face, you deserve to be called out.

Yes, hearing a stranger fart in public can be a tiny, hilarious moment in the middle of any day. If you’re the farter, I say be loud and be proud! We’ve all been there, so no need to be embarassed. If you’re in the audience, I say enjoy the hilarious social faux-pas and resulting reaction in the room.

So thank you, strangers farting in public, for adding a great bit of comic relief to the middle of our day.

My sister was an elementary school teacher. She told me that when she had to fart, she’d quietly fart near a group of unruly boys and then nonchalantly walk away. Once they smelled the fart, they’d start making a big stink (no pun intended) and punching each other and yelling, “Ew!” They had no idea it was my evil sister.

totally! at school my dad was our church minister. one service someone cracked a loud one during that moment of silence that comes right after “let us pray..” my dad laughed so hard he had to take a moment to compose himself before starting the whole prayer from scratch.

Oh… Man… Nostalgia GALORE on this one! A story cometh:
Snowboarding in Whistler, BC like 7 years ago with my best friend and his dad, we’re on the gondola (about 4min ride at least) with about 6-8 other people, a nice full gondola. We each take a corner of the gondola (being the first inside) and stake our claim to our respective areas. 30 seconds up the lift, I catch a whif of something, look at my friend, who enjoy these types of releases in public, and I can see the moment he catches the same smell. As I search for the culprit, I see my friend’s dad hiding his face behind his snowboard, face completely red, trying his hardest not to laugh out loud, at which point I HAVE TO hide my face or fear the same exposure… WOW… I was actually laughing hysterically at the time, as I am now retelling the story… hahahahahahahah, oh man…

My story: My husband and I were on the train coming back from Portland. I went to the restroom and blew my nose very loudly as I have since working dusty harvest jobs in college. I came back to my seat as if nothing had happened, because to me it hadn’t – and two women sitting near the restroom were just dying they were laughing so hard. They kept trying to stop and then re-cracking themselves up in waves the rest of the trip. My husband didn’t tell me until we were in our car that it was because they thought I farted! I’m glad I could make their day!

Haha, its so funny when someone farts. My friend was sleeping over and we had the two couches together watching movies. I felt dust go into my nose and i had to sneeze. I went, ‘Aaaaaaaaaaa’ ‘aaaaaaaaa’ *fart* instead of achooing my bum farted! We cracked up laughing!..ahaha!

In Walmart a few weeks ago, someone passed gas in an aisle and did the quick get away….one of the most adorable little toddler girls was riding in a shopping cart, and proceeded to announce to her mother, “Ewwww, Mommy, someone farted!!!” Mom was mortified, and I had to go into another aisle because I was ready to wet my pants laughing…out of the mouths of babes….

When I was 16 I was invited to my new boyfriend’s house for dinner. The dinner was silent and terrifying. His labrador let rip by the side of the table and everyone ignored it but me. I looked at all the straight faces and started sniggering uncontrollably. I’m in my 50’s now and still laugh when I remember it.

Once, while shopping in a department store with my EX-boyfriend, he farted beside me just as the salesclerk was coming to help us. Then he walked away and left me in a cloud of fart fumes! She walked up and starting talking and then got a funny look on her face-probably because she could smell HIS fart and thought that it was mine. What a jerk!
:)

The best public fart, in my experience, was produced by my son at church one Sunday. He was only 3 mos old at the time. He let a really loud and juicy one rip during the sermon. Several people turned and glared at me – like I made him do it. LOL!!

The look on my son’s face was priceless – he was definetly relieved. Happy even.

C’mon Lady!! You mean you’ve NEVER farted, or just not in public?? If the answer is never, then i’d like to know what your diet consists of!! Well I hope that joining the conversation helped because you need to lighten up!!FARTS ARE FUNNY!!!

I suppose you don’t sh*t either or do you refer as something else? You are the type I would love to launch my all out campaign to make you smell my farts. I love the old favorite one where out of total concern you ask someone if they smell something burning. I am rolling by the time it sinks in. I think your the type who puts up the big front but secretly you know you want to be under my blankets. I’m a real man with odor, some good, some bad, but you KNOW you want to smell it.

Hilarious! Can’t stop crying…soooo funny!It reminds me of the time when one of mine slipped out and my daughter said”Dad…Mom farted and it smells! In which he replied,”You mean they don’t smell like roses anymore?……Thanks dad!………….Got2luvem…………Thanks for letting me comment!

OMG! LMAO so hard I can’t see through the tears and it’s getting hard to breathe…..loving everyone’s fart stories too…..how many times has this happened to people and you were left sucking someone’s fart fumes? ! Ok my face hurts from laughing so much now….Thank you so much ;-) awesome post!

LMAO!!! OMG, I’m laughing so hard, tears are streaming down my cheeks and I can’t breathe! I can’t even see what I’m reading anymore!! LMAO!!! I need a tissue!! My son keeps asking me what’s so funny! I’m laughing so hard I can’t even talk!! AWESOME!! Thanks so much for giving me the best laugh I’ve had in a LONG time!!

OK, here’s my story…I had just finished doing the laundry and was putting my son’s shirts away. I had to fart, and since he wasn’t in the room at the time, I let one rip. It wasn’t particularly loud, but it was long. He came in a few minutes later and started to ask me something. He said, “Hey Mommy, can I…what’s that smell?” Of course I played dumb and said I didn’t smell anything!

I was at Target not to long ago and this old man who thought he was alone in the aisle across from me let out the loudest longest fart I have ever heard! He was just walking along farting like it was no big deal. I laughed so hard I was in tears! Farts are hilarious!

While working as a bank teller I felt a sneeze coming on. I stopped counting cash to my customer and turned to the side so I would not sneeze in his face. Well, I saved him from flying snot but ripped a loud fart in his direction instead! I quickly turned back to face him, avoided eye contact, and counted money faster than ever before. He said not one word nor did I as he quickly walked away from my window. I excused myself to the back room so I could LMAO!!!!

A friend of mine told me that while he was in college ,he and a couple other guys used to go to a crowded bar ,and one of the guys would go up to the bar and let one go.The stench was so bad several people jumped off their stools and vacated the area ,much to the delight of the guys who took their seats.True story.

Ha! This reminds me of something I hadn’t thought about in a long time!

My boyfriend is not one of those guys who is proud to fart in public… in fact, after three years together, the only way he’ll let one slip in front of me is if he’s sleeping. Once, when we hadn’t been dating too long, we were in a noisy, crowded bar (and had had maybe one too many drinks) and he just started giggling like crazy. I mouthed, “What’s so funny?” He put his hand up to my ear and yelled, “I just farted really loud and no one noticed!”

I remember a few years back, I was watching TV one night, and my cat, Shania, (who passed away last June, after a battle with fluid buildup around her lungs) was curled up on my lap. All of a sudden, she let one of those silent-but-deadly farts! I nearly gagged! I let Shania stay on my lap, but I had to hold my nose until the air cleared. Shania was a sweet little kitty though. I really miss her. Rest in peace, Shania.

Animal farts are the worst! My sister had just gotten a kitten who was only about 10 weeks old. She is the sweetest lap cat ever. My sister and I were in the living room and the kitten – who is named Lady – was sitting in my sister’s lap. All of a sudden, my sister started coughing and gagging. I asked her what was wrong and she said that Lady had just farted one of those silent but deadly farts and it was rank! All of a sudden, I get a whiff. Yikes! Who knew something so powerful could come from such a little body?