About Me

I am a sometimes-writer, everyday mama, creative failure and experimental cook. I am interested in living a beautiful life, spending time with my family and making things that I can feel proud of. When I'm by myself I'm usually outside. Don't bother calling because chances are that I didn't bring my cell phone because I couldn't find it. If you see me walking, it's because I lost my keys and if you see me with only one child... I'm probably in big trouble.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

The girls didn't have school, I had a doctors appointment AND work and we weren't able to dig our car out of the snow (which turned out to be a blessing because most of the roads we needed to travel hadn't been plowed and had absolutely no parking available.)

After work, I promised Bunny that we'd get her ears pierced. It was snowing again and we decided to walk to the mall anyway. On our way, we cam across these humongous snowmen and we took a few minutes to stop and climb all over them!

Then, Bunny had her big moment! She was petrified but determined to do it. This is the second time that we've gone to have her ears pierced. Last time she sat in the chair and then suddenly changed her mind so we left. She's really been agonizing about it since. Finally, she did it.

I really didn't want to have Bunny's ears pierced with a gun. I have read a lot about it and wanted her to have them pierced with a needle. Unfortunately, it's illegal to take a child that is Bunny's age into a piercing salon in PA, so we were really limited and had to go the gun route. Not even the pediatrician pierces any more. We'll just keep them clean and hope for the best.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Tonight, while laying in bed, Lila said, "Mama. I know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be the President. Like President Obama."

I then stated all of the obvious reasons that this career suits her so perfectly and gave my support to her pending campaign.

She said, "Because if there was just one piece of pizza and there were two people, I'd just cut it in half and then both of them would have pizza. And I'd say, "everyone can just love each other now. It's okay."

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Luckily, T switched schedules with me and took my hours for today at BGES. I was able to stay home with B and L and I am so thankful. My car is snowed in and the streets here haven't even been plowed. They are just packed, icy slick surfaces that you'd be better off skiing on.

So, we started the day off with mugs of cocoa.

And then I decided to take advantage of this mid-week break and strip the beds, clean the bathrooms and vacuum our house from top to bottom.

As soon as I was done we bundled up and headed out. It was remarkably warm, which was good and bad. It made playing more fun and shoveling a chore.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A week or so back I noticed that she had a small lump. Jay made a vet appointment for her right away. They didn't seem to think that it was too much but did a biopsy.

Today we got the results and it's a malignant tumor that they'll need to remove asap. Also, we never had Sidney spayed. Mostly this was because it's an overnight procedure and she's so small and needy and scared. I imagine her in a cold, metal crate with no blankets and my heart shrivels up like a raisin. She's never exposed to boy dogs so I didn't see any harm in holding off on it. They said that dogs who aren't spayed are more prone to cancer because of the hormones. So, they'll remove the tumor and spay her together.

She'd better be okay.

I will have a nervous breakdown if something bad happens to Sidney. She is pure joy for me. I love her as if she were my child.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

I wasted two hours of my life last night watching Sex In The City 2. Is there a more annoying character than Samantha? Her awesome wardrobe and fantastic figure simply do not compensate for the fact that she NEEDS TO SPEAK LIKE THAT!

Lately I've been feeling not-so-foxy. I was asked out at work on Friday and blushed with disbelief that anyone would be so silly as to want to ask me to do anything. I just feel... OLD... and reptilian... and fat... and BLAH. I feel like a big, obese crocodile with poor eye sight and bad hair.

Okay, the reality is this: there is nothing that I can do about my hair. Anyone who has ever grown her or his hair from super-short to super-long knows the mushroom place where my head will be for the next six months. It sucks. But, I knew what I was getting into and I'm simply going to have to see past my mushroom head and imagine the beautiful, luscious, long, pantene pro-v hair that I'll someday have. With any luck, 2011 will see another pregnancy and I'll have the growth support of pre-natal vitamins.

I think that I"m going to make a true effort to put on a bit of make-up each day. Not a ton. Just a bit. And maybe buy a few new, nice clothes? Get some new frames. Take more bubble baths. Paint my TOE NAILS. Use body butter every day. Pluck.

I am just tired of feeling like a turtle (the kind you see at the zoo. Not the kind in Chinatown).

Jay is on his way home from Buddy weekend. He left on Thursday morning and is on the train heading towards Philly now.

Our stove has been broken since that dreadful day last week when it began expelling thick walls of fat, black smoke throughout my home. Today, I really wanted to make a nice, big, all-day-cooking meal. I decided to use the self-clean option to remedy the situation and it worked. Of course, I had to open all the windows and turn off the heat and leave with my kids for several hours... but, when we came home everything was closer to fine.

I treated us to some fancy Whole Foods groceries. I got the ingredients to make chicken Parmesan and stuffed salmon with spinach, feta and pine nuts. I'm going to steam broccoli and make spaghetti too. For dessert I made heart shaped Rice Krispy treats in the muffin cups that my friend Meghan sent to me.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

You probably know how much I love Sangria. After all, if I'm not drinking it, I'm planning to drink it. And if I don't have it in my plans, you can usually bet that I have the flu or I'm "watching my carbs."

Recently, I discovered the BEST Sangria recipe ever. I had never made it with Triple Sec or Brandy before and have to admit that I worried that spiking my alcohol with hard alcohol seemed alcoholic like a bad idea and screamed REALLY BAD HANGOVER to me. In the end, it was just fruity, perfect, light and delicious. If you're a Sangria lover, give that recipe ago!

There is just something about a lovely, big, fruit filled glass of Sangria. It's like juice for grown-ups. ORit's like wine if wine went on a vacation to Spain and traded in it's Christian Lacroix's for a pair of platform flilpflops made by Jessica Simpson.

Agreed?

Here is what only the closest people to me (and the guy who works at the South Street Wine and Spirits store) knows about me. Franzia makes Sangria IN A BOX and it's the most delicious beverage in the whole, entire world. Generally, I'm too embarrassed to buy my wine in a box so I make Jay do it, but he's away on a Buddy weekend and today is Saturday. I wanted to run my errands, come home, cook and cook and cook and clean my house from top to bottom and then relax with a glass of Sangria. I could spend $60 and make my own, OR I could spend $12.99 and have a box of it in my fridge for awhile.

It's so good.

On a completely separate note:

the girls and I were out to brunch with M this morning and our waitress looked at my children, looked at me and said, "Are you twins? Is this your Aunt?"

It's weird having children who do not look anything like you. Bunny looks more and more like Jay as she gets older and Lila looks just like my sister.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I'm half way through the new American Idol with its fancy, famous judges.

It's exactly what I expected.

Now, I'm a long-going AI fan. I know that it's cheesy and I know that it's skewed and I do not care. If you know me than you know how much I love pop-culture and it doesn't get much more carbonated than Idol. Also, I've never met a singing competition that I didn't love. Admittedly, I am a bigger fan of X Factor and I'll, without a doubt, be counting the days till it premieres next year. But, until then, American Idol is like a big, syrupy, sweet, non-caloric January treat.

And this season is no exception.

I got really caught up in, "Who can fill Simon's shoes?"

The answer, of course, is NO ONE.

But, I am completely in love with Steven Tyler in the exact same way that I was completely in love with Brett Michaels. He's a weird, old, rocker guy who fancies himself a hot tamale and I think that he's got staying power. I also really like the fact that he reminds me a little bit of Paula Abdul. And, I fucking LOVE me some Paula Abdul. As for JLo, I think that she's a good addition to the team. She's fun and spunky and likable. She's not at all pretentious and I get the impression that her stint on AI makes her feel "connected" to the common folk. Now that I write it, I guess that is pretense defined. But, whatever. I like her.

Poor Randy. I don't even know what to say about him. Same old Randy. Less Dawg... and I get the sad feeling that his eyes have become bizarre, lifeless, mirrors of shallow heartlessness. But he's the one guy from American idol who still has a job. So kudos to him and his hefty paycheck, I guess.

I will definitely be tuning into American Idol this season. I'll let you know how it goes.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I woke up to a seemingly normal day and didn't initially suspect that any catastrophic, bizarre, environmental disturbances had zoomed in on my immediate life and chosen it as a target.

I was up for about 2 minutes when Jay texted me that the school had a 2 hour delay. I glanced out the window and into our backyard. Everything looked pretty much the same as it had the evening before. So I asked for what? He said, "ice and snow." Low and behold, when I walked to the front of our house and looked at my car, I saw that it was completely encased in a thick coating of shimmering, solid ice (that I would later chisel off).

So, I enjoyed a bit of a lazy morning and then drove the girls to school. I also had to drive to work (which I could get used to if it weren't so expensive to park for the day). When I got there T was outside, looking frazzled and told me that there was a very bad flood in the basement. K also was there. She accidentally came in early, which worked out really well. T asked her to go down to the basement and scoop up the water with a DUST PAN and put it into a bucket and then run the buckets upstairs and throw them in the gutter. Her poor little feet were soggy, shriveled (I'm assuming) ice pops by the time she was done. Then, this poor girl asked me if we had a plumbing issue or if it was just a flooding issue because of the rain. I thought that it was just the rain. So she wanted to use the bathroom and I didn't think that there was any problem with that.

Boy was I wrong!

And there was poop. And water. And a stinky green earth store.

She was likely embarrassed so she didn't tell me. I had to discover it the hard way (via scent) and then talk to her about it and deal with it... which was embarrassing for everyone. And I could tell that she was irritated because she asked if she should use it and I said yes (how was I to know)!

But worst yet, when I asked T what to do... he said that she should SCOOP everything out of the toilet so that the store doesn't smell. I sort of felt like this was my responsibility... but I COULDN'T. Even in my own home I do not deal with the poop. I mean, I am fine with the poop of my children because I grew my children in my body and I love them. If I did not grow you in my body and I do not love you, I am not okay with your poop. That's that. So, I had to tell this poor girl that she had to get buckets of her poopy toilet water out of our store. I thought that she was going to quit right then and there.

I went to Starbucks and bought her a candy bar, a cupcake and a large tea to ease her spirits and promised her that this was the worst of the worst and it would never be this bad at our store again.

When I got home I began making dinner. I wrapped a few potatoes in tin foil and put them in the oven to bake. As the oven was heating up I noticed a horrible smell was coming over my entire house. It smelled chemically, like burning plastic. I opened my stove and dark, thick, black smoke came pouring out. Immediately I felt like I was being poisoned. The smoke was coming from beneath the stove. I have no idea what the route of the smoke was, but I had to open up all of my doors and windows to let it out and I went to bed with a headache.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

It's been years since I was hit hard by migraine. After having Lila I went through a terrible period of nearly constant migraine. After recovering from that I have gotten one here or one there, but nothing severe. I haven't had a period with multiple migraines that are all back to back.

Until this week, of course.

For unknown reasons I experienced several terrible migraines this week. Yesterday was the worst. I am able to fight the pain of them off with medication, but then other things happen. Like, my head feels groggy and I don't process thoughts as well. Last night, my plans to drink wine and watch movies went in the garbage disposal. I ended up tucked into my bed and in a deep sleep immediately after putting Lila to bed. Jay set my alarm for 6:30 because I notice that a disruption in my sleep pattern seems to make things worse and when I got out of bed this morning I felt so much better.

Let's hope that this isn't something that's going to happen to me often. I can live with many, many things... migraine is not one of them.

I suspect that I am getting them because my hormones are a little bit weird this month.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Well, we're still in STEP 1 (water purification), but hopefully by the time I go to sleep tomorrow night we'll have a little tank full of sea monkeys!

Bunny has been begging for all of the following: a pet turtle, a pet frog, a pet snake and a pet fish. Today, we duped the poor thing and headed out to the toy store for a little tank full of hope and potential life, with the desire of turning it into a small colony of aquatic friends.

I'll let you know how it goes. Expect a daily update (unless nothing hatches. In that case, expect tears... and pictures of our new pet frog).

Tonight I am doing the only thing that I want to do. I am sitting on a couch with my husband, watching mindless comedy and drinking wine. Tomorrow I work 10 hours.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Originally those chips were going to be cropped and perched on top of my shoulder for another post, but they're just so cute that I wanted to use them for a happy post. I especially enjoy that the sour cream and onion chip is so stinky.

I am feeling pretty pleased lately.

It was really nice to go back to work (for real this time) yesterday. I had a productive day, but when I left it was even colder than it had been when I walked there in the morning. My hands and feet burned (even through my incredibly uncool/unhip/winter-man boots). By the time the girls came out of the school everyone was begging to grab a cab home (including me). I agreed and we walked and watched for taxis. Because of the unbearable conditions, all of the cabs that passed us were full. So, finally we ducked into theLaVa Cafe where the girls had bowls of warm soup, a lava cake and mama drank the best cup of coffee she's ever had. We waited there until Jay, like a brave knight, rode in on his minivan to save us from the elements and whisked us away to Best Buy where he picked up the Nexus One (I think) to play with. Honestly, it looks like an iphone, but not as nice. It looks like an iphone knock off, which I tend to think about every phone that isn't an iphone. For the record, I don't care about technology at all. I don't care about gadgets. I don't feel like they're status symbols and I think it's silly to walk around with three phones that together cost well over $1000. But, my husband loves these things. And I'm lucky that he does because if he didn't I wouldn't have an iphone. I wouldn't "get" why they're so wonderful. Now I am ruined from everything else, always. And I do not like the iphone 4 (or whatever it's called). I like the iphone 3, with the curvy edges and black back. Someday, this will be the most outdated phone in the world, and I'll still be trying to buy it on ebay (because I drop my phone all the time I have to replace it constantly. I'm not positive about this, but I'm pretty sure that the phone that I got for Christmas is my 4th 3rd generation iphone in about two years).

On an entirely different note, Bunny must be having some major growth spurt- both emotionally and physically. Very recently I've noticed that she looks very grown up. And she's really settling into her own personality, which is cool-and-aloof. When I see her around other children she's never vying for any one's attention. She's incredibly self-possessed, which I admire in her. She also doesn't try to command attention or boss people around. She just quietly does her dainty, little thing. And her personality is suddenly so adult. We are waking up and laying around and have on Playhouse Disney. She turned to me and said, "It's odd. I find this annoying and funny... all at the same time."

Okay, so this post is about nothing... but I don't have much going on right now. Which is always better, I think...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I got a call yesterday about the blood work that I had done. It turns out that one of the tests was for hormones and mine were out of whack. They asked if I could come back on Wed. after 8:30 and said that I could walk in and that would be fine. I planned to go right at 8:30 so that I could hop over to work as soon as I was done.

Then they called and said that the Dr. wants to see me and that I'd need an appointment. They said that she wants me to have another test and recheck my blood work and that she'll talk to me tomorrow at 10:30. I asked for an earlier appointment because I have to be at work at ten, but unfortunately we're having a blizzard tonight and they're not starting appointments until 10.

I asked T if it was okay if I stepped out and he was really nice about it and told me that I could put a note on the door and close the store while I went. After talking to him I got really scared that I wouldn't be able to get back in an hour. I mean, what if it took two hours and I left the store by itself for that long? I just know that I'd feel sick leaving, but I'd be an anxious mess about being away for so long. So, I called the office back (they must love me) and asked for some assurance that I could be back at work (it's only two blocks away) by 11:30. The receptionist said that generally she thought that an hour would be an appropriate time allotment but that because they were shuffling so many appointments and because of the snow... she couldn't promise me that it would work out. So, I canceled.

But then I was telling L about it and he told me to call J and see if he could just work from open to close. Which I did. And he agreed to.

Don't I work with an incredible bunch of people? Every single person who I talked to about this bent over backwards to make it happen so that I can put my health first.

Jay is going to go to work and then (because school will definitely be canceled) will come home to watch the girls (who are not allowed in the dr's office- WEIRD) and then he'll have to go back to work.

By the way, I am sure that there's nothing truly wrong with me. My Hashimotos disease causes all sorts of problems and it's likely related to that. Of course, it's a little bit freaky when you have some blood work done and a dr. wants to see you immediately...

I'm going back with a clear mind and I'm going to enjoy myself... UNLESS it snows. I just need a week or two without a lot of snow or complications to my routine. Why oh why won't the universe cooperate?

Things went well at the big appointment yesterday, but I had some wonky bloodwork so I have to go in before work tomorrow so that they can repeat it. They took A LOT of blood. So much so that I felt dizzy and couldn't get up right away (which has never happened to me before).

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Lila has always been a chubby little thing. She loves to eat. Once, when she was about a year old, she overate and then threw up. I took her to the doctor because I was concerned about the fact that she was always crying for more food ("more" was one of her first words). The doctor basically said to watch the types of food she was eating but that she was probably dealing with a sensory thing where she was really enjoying the textures and flavors of foods and that all children go through it at some point. For the most part she is offered healthy choices, but I notice that she struggles with portion control. I also notice that she tries to eat as much as Bunny eats. And Bunn has a funny appetite. Bunny tends to eat frequently but makes better choices than Lila, choosing fruit or cheese where Lila would want crackers and cookies. At the dinner table, Bunny will always eat her meat (and struggle to eat anything else) where Lila will ignore her meat and eat her starch and veggies. And when it comes to breakfast, Lila will eat a pancake, and egg and a fruit salad and then sneak another breakfast after she gets to school. Bunny would just eat the fruit salad.

Recently, at the doctor, we discovered that Lila weighs 60 lbs. To put that in perspective, Lila is five years old. She's very tall for her age. Bunny is almost seven and is about an inch taller than Lila. She weighs 10 pounds less than Lila. At her well visit, the doctor didn't seem too concerned about Lila's weight because she's also so tall. Her biggest concern was how much belly fat Lila has. She has quite a little Buddha belly. Her belly is so round that we are not able to buy jeans or pants without stretch for her. We'd have to buy size 10, which is impossible for someone her height. For this reason, we stick to stretchy bottoms and dresses.

Because Lila has a tendency toward overeating, we just started a food schedule (which I have mixed feelings about). The girls can eat breakfast, snack at 10, lunch at one, snack at three, dinner and then a dessert.

Also, the girls walk a mile home each school day.

But I think that people are saying things to Lila about her weight. She has started talking about how fat she is. She doesn't say it in a bad way or complain about it (though one day she did mention that she isn't able to run as fast as the other children because she's so fat). When she uses the word "fat" it's clear to me that it doesn't mean the same thing to her as it does to me. She seems to like herself a lot and doesn't have negative feelings about her body or her weight. I really do not want that to change.

I've noticed that she seems to think that eating more healthy food is the best thing for her body. Before she overeats she'll often ask if something is healthy and is very concerned about the nutrients in her food (though, she'll happily gobble up chocolate chip cookies and ice cream as well). I have tried to talk to her to tell her that though her body likes healthy food, too much food isn't good because her body isn't able to use it all. I NEVER EVER EVER associate food and weight, and I'm certain if she gets the connection or not.

What do I do? How do I get control of a potential, lifelong struggle without passing along self-esteem problems and weight obsession? Or, do I just accept that maybe Lila is a bigger person? She does tend to favor my sister (she's nearly her spitting image) and Kaitie was a bigger person.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

I started my very own bank account with the money from my paycheck. We're just going to put all of my pay in savings from this point forward. Now that we're finally back on our feet and mostly through recovery from the financial hit that we took from the bb's, we're able to start saving without changing too much about our lifestyle.

It's another snowy day in Philadelphia! Hopefully, the snow won't prevent Jay and I from taking the girls to their Oma's house for an overnight visit so that he and I can head out to Hoboken to see Particle Zoo play at Maxwell's.

The girls had a snow day from school yesterday. Jay actually called the school phone line and it said that it was cancelled and we later found out that it wasn't cancelled (but it was too late at that point) so the girls and I went to work together. It was a little bit hectic to have them there. They don't really understand that there are times when they can't be my number one priority. Like, when a customer is there and talking to me, I can't have them interrupting my conversation to open a marker case or paint tub. Truthfully, I'm glad that they don't understand that. They are ALWAYS my number one priority and I am happy to know that they realize how valuable they are to me. But, working with them is a little bit stressful. I am going to have them with me on Martin Luther King day as well. I think that it will be easier the second time. Yesterday Lila did a lot of ringing up and Bunny did a lot of greeting people at the door. Luckily, J came in an hour early so that I could get the girls out of there.

Which brings me to this: I had a really off week at work. I was PMSie and grouchy and forgetful and tired... like EXHAUSTED. Then Bunny got sick and I had the girls at work... all in all it was a big fail for me. I'll have to work harder next week.

I have Monday off for the big appointment, so I'll need to go back on Tuesday in full force.

Sales have been a tiny bit better for me. Mostly this is because our store sells a whole line of natural cleaning products called Sun and Earth. They are local to Philadelphia and are definitely the best quality of cleaning product that I've ever used. They just clean about 1000 times better than Ecover or Seventh Generation. In our store we also have a refill station where people can bring in any bottle and we'll refill laundry detergent, dish washing liquid, dish washer pellets, fabric softener, hand soap and all purpose cleaner. You can also pre-pay for 10 refills (which is only $45 and never expires). Right now we have a deal going on where people can pay $45 dollars, get 10 refills on laundry soap, one free all purpose cleaner, one free dish washing liquid and one free hand soap. It's a GREAT DEAL. And because it's such a great deal, people really want to buy them and they makes sales all the better. I had one woman come in yesterday and buy two cards... that's 1000 oz. of laundry detergent.

It's really coming down outside. Looks like it might be a night in for Jay and I.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Recently I dreamed that I was at a party with my good friend Jennifer. I was as pregnant as I could possibly be (like, more pregnant than I've ever been and I have two children) and tossing back beer (Coors Light of all things! Ew). My friend said, "Doesn't it bother you at all that you're getting your baby drunk?" And it was at that moment that I realized that I was pregnant and I got really angry with her and super defensive and said, "A little bit of alcohol isn't going to hurt your baby! My doctor says that it's just fine."

Oddly, the next day my reallife-non-fetal-alcohol-born children both unexpectedly received a Build-A-Bear package from Jennifer that had apparently been sitting at our local post office since Christmas.

Then, last night I dreamed that Alec Baldwin and Al Gore were at my house for a visit and Al Gore wouldn't let anyone get a word in edgewise. As a side note, he's probably the most annoying person who I've ever met in a dream and I just couldn't wait until he left. At one point he began crying because Philadelphia has more plastic than the rest of the world. He gave me facts about Philadelphia like, "This city is the only city in the world where plastic is still legal." Then, I became really self conscious about any plastics that were in my house and promised myself that I'd recycled or repurpose them all out as soon as he left.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I'm home from work today with Bunny because she's sick. I took the opportunity to finish up that 8 scarf that I typed about the other day. Folks, I am pleased as punch! Seriously, the only way that I'd be happier about this scarf was if the owner of Spool chased me down South Street with it gift wrapped because he just doesn't feel right about depriving the world of our perfect scarf/woman union any longer. (It COULD totally happen). I'm wearing it with my million dollar fancy jeans THIS weekend when we go out to see Jay's old band play.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Each day on my way to work I pass two little stores that are owned by the same person. One is called "Loop" (and is where I buy my yarn) and the other is called "Spool" and sells fabric. I haven't gotten out my sewing machine in a long, long time (it is currently housed in a black plastic trash bag and living in my backyard, sitting against the side of my house). So anyway, I've never had a reason to go into spool before. But each day I admire an infinity scarf that is featured in the window.

Yesterday, I went to work to one of the most disastrous days that I've had. It was the sort of day when everyone I encountered just seemed mean and by the time L came in I started telling her about it and literally broke into a giant explosion of tears (please note that I might have PMS too). By the time I got home I was completely exhausted.

I decided to call Spool and ask how much the infinity scarf in their window costs. I thought that it was safer to call rather than to stop in because if it was crazily expensive I'd be less likely to buy it on impulse if I had to walk there and think about how much it costs and had to give myself a few minutes to try to justify it and fail.

The very friendly girl on the phone told me that it's not for sale, which I had suspected because I once asked if the yarn examples at Loop were for sale and was told that they aren't. But, she said, they could sell me everything that it takes to make it for $25. I explained to her that I didn't want to make it. I wanted to BUY the exact one from the window. But, her sugar exterior couldn't be cracked and several hours later I found myself heading home with a few yards of fabric and these figure 8 scarf instructions by Anna Marie Horner. It's such a simple pattern that I decided to use a straight pin and sew it by hand. After one night of sewing I'm almost done with the project.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Jay worked evenings during December so that I could be at work early for our holiday hours. This meant that he took the girls to school, came home and tidied up while I showered and walked over to work. Then, he missed dinner with us and I did bath and all of our night routine by myself.

Today we are back on track. I go into work at 10, so I can drop the girls off, come home, tidy up, shower and walk to work. Then Jay is home to do bath every night... which is great!

I've been thinking a lot about moving out of the city lately. Our neighbors are crackheads (and I mean that literally) and this just doesn't seem like the right place for us anymore. I don't need to go far, but I think that we'd be more comfortable in a suburb. I'm willing to give up our school to feel safe.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

I'm not a department store brand sorta lady. I mean, I LOVE fancy brands, but my wallet credit makes me a GAP and Banana Republic (sale) girl. For a special occasion I shop my local Anne Taylor (loft). Sadly, I spend a pathetic amount of my free time scrolling through page after page on the Nordstrom website while filling my shopping cart with thousands of dollars of clothes that I will never be able to afford.

Today I splurged a splurge that I can not believe I did. It turns my stomach. I spent $100 on a pair of jeans, which is something that I've never done before.

But Jay and I are going out together on a date next weekend and I want to feel like a cowgirl prin-cess. We went shopping today, not sure of what we'd find and I fell in love with the fit of these jeans. Not only were they a size that I thought I couldn't wear, but they're incredibly flattering and comfortable. Let's face it, good jeans are hard to come by.

Unfortunately, the process of falling in love with these Free People jeans has lead me down an earth shattering path and into a universe called wee people. Good Jesus John, I may need to have another baby just to dress her in these!

As a matter of fact, I love the Free People clothing in general. I deeply wish to own this top.

These aren't necessarily resolutions as much as they are things I'd like to see happen or change and that are completely within my power. Last year felt very out of control for me. This year I'd like to take control of my life and live and enjoy it.

1.) Get off and stay off of flour and sugar.

2.) Stop adding salt to my food and cook using less of it.

3.) Accept my body as it is (I've made great strides here in the past year... but I'm not totally there yet).

4.) Care less what people think of me.

5.) Spend more time with my family.

6.) Live more naturally. Be more careful about the food I eat, body care and cleaning products.

7.) Move out of the city and to a place that feels safe. Create a home there.

8.) Have more date nights with my husband.

9.) Be more patient with my husband and children. Stop stressing the small stuff. Leave the dishes in the sink overnight. Leave the bed unmade (well, maybe not the bed... but you catch my drift).

10) Stop spending money on lunch at Whole Foods. Bring it.

11.) Find a sincere way to compliment my children every day.

12.) Knit like crazy.

13.) Start painting again.

14.) Drink less wine and more water

15.) Continue to be careful about the company I keep. Remember that it's better to have fewer friends who you can trust than to have many people in your life who don't value or respect you.

16.) Walk at least 3 miles a day, five days a week.

17.) Write at least one blog entry each day. If I don't have anything to write about I can always post a picture.

18.) Remember to say please and thank you... even to people who are familiar and who I forgot to speak politely to.