How to Tell if Your Child has Oppositional Defiant Disorder- ODD

Take this ODD screening test

Which of These Oppositional Defiant Disorder- ODD Behaviors did Your Child Display in the past 180 days?

To 'earn' the official diagnosis for Oppositional Defiant Disorder- ODD your child has to display Oppositional Defiant Disorder- ODD behavior "more often" than is normal for children his age.

So what is "more often"? This is a very vague definition. Basically, what you need to do is to compare your child to others of his age group.

Remember that as your child goes through different stages as he grows. So when you child is three four times a week might be normal for certain behavior, but at seven even twice a week can be "more often" than normal.

How Many of These Oppositional Defiant Disorder- ODD Behaviors Does Your Child Display?

Reader Feedback

No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

sending

tahni777 4 years ago

I had no idea this disorder existed, this can be confused with misbehaving or stubbornness, its always good to know new information, I enjoyed reading.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: My 7 year old is so sweet, so loving, annoying as any kid his age, yet so loved with a close family. However, your story made me think of his "self esteem". 1. hes

only "naughty" at school 2. no matter what degree of trouble he's it takes me too long to convince him that no, nobody hates him, and no, he should not kill himself. I don't even know why he has this idea in his head we have no history of suicides in our family for him to even know it exists. How does one one deal with this? I keep putting off testing because I feel like theres more I can try before going to the docs for unevitable obvious advice with the predetermined "meds talk". any suggestions?

anonymous 4 years ago

I am a single mom of a 5 year old with ODD. And the behavior I have experienced with her are the same as you. Constant back talk, hitting, swearing, underminding authority, and worse of all consequences dont seem to work AT ALL. At least until I found the Total Transformation Program. This was a LIFE SAVER!!! I still see some issues with things and consequences but I have only been doing the program for 3 months. The best parts of the program are you now know what to say and how to react to your child. You have a help line if you need extra assistance. You understand their faulty thinking and yours and you get the tools to change it. This program is not a miracle however and takes alot of work. But if you are at your wits end, much like I was, then this is the best thing you can do. At least I believe. Also they may still be doing the promotional thing where if u fill out a survey in 120 days they refund ur money. I just got my refund back so I can honestly say its lagit. Also on their Empowering Parents web site I found a program forODD children. As soon as I can save the $150 I will be getting that as well. Because although she does not have the ability to go behind my back and defy me she will start soon. At least I believe. I hope this helps all the parents dealing with a totaly difficult child where nothing seems to work. I know it did me. Best if luck everyone.

anonymous 4 years ago

I am a single mom of a 5 year old with ODD. And the behavior I have experienced with her are the same as you. Constant back talk, hitting, swearing, underminding authority, and worse of all consequences dont seem to work AT ALL. At least until I found the Total Transformation Program. This was a LIFE SAVER!!! I still see some issues with things and consequences but I have only been doing the program for 3 months. The best parts of the program are you now know what to say and how to react to your child. You have a help line if you need extra assistance. You understand their faulty thinking and yours and you get the tools to change it. This program is not a miracle however and takes alot of work. But if you are at your wits end, much like I was, then this is the best thing you can do. At least I believe. Also they may still be doing the promotional thing where if u fill out a survey in 120 days they refund ur money. I just got my refund back so I can honestly say its lagit. Also on their Empowering Parents web site I found a program forODD children. As soon as I can save the $150 I will be getting that as well. Because although she does not have the ability to go behind my back and defy me she will start soon. At least I believe. I hope this helps all the parents dealing with a totaly difficult child where nothing seems to work. I know it did me. Best if luck everyone.

Elliecaitlinjosh 4 years ago

My daugter has all of the signs she really bad it's got to the point she's hiting me as well she's 7 when I ask her why is she behaving so naughty she says she don't know I tried everything but it don't work she even making her self sick she thinks it's ok to take things from a shop without paying and she says her head told her I waiting for her to see a doc about this as its not normal I can't take her anywhere as she got no sence of danger

anonymous 4 years ago

I have a son with ADHD, ADD, and ODD....and I want to throw in the towel every single day. He constantly gets into trouble at school for disruptive behavior, such as not keeping his hands to himself, arguing and being disrespectful with authority, and lying. He lies all of the time. He doesn't care if someone else gets in trouble for his behavior. He shows no signs of getting better. In fact, the older he gets and more responsibility he has, the worse it seems. He argues with everything I say, he gets mad and upset very easily, and he seems to completely disregard consequences. He is killin me and I have no idea what to do anymore. He's on two different meds, which it took me years to put him on and many different opinions. He has a psycho thereapist, counselor, and he is on behavior plans for school. However, none of this seems to be helping. Medication allows him to sit in school all day, and if he doesn't take it the behavior is terrible. I can tell a major difference when he's not on his meds. However, these medications do not help his lack of respect for authority or his emotional issues. I am lost and unfortunately finding a good therapist is impossible unless you are made of money. All of these "promising" techniques and books and they just want a crap ton of money...if people really wanted to help us, we would be able to get all of these resources for free!! I am fed up with the lack of concern for children with behavior and personality disorders until they shoot up a school or kill their parents. Then, and only then does society give a crap about your child's health. To those of you who think these disorders are a ploy or made up...get a damn education or come live in my house for a few days. Please! Don't comment at all if you have not experienced it yourself. You have no idea what we go through on a daily basis. Yes, society has changed as well as the expectations for children and their behavior, which in turn, does make a lot of this even harder. But just because these things weren't heard of when we were little, that doesn't mean they don't exist.

Elliecaitlinjosh 4 years ago

@anonymous: Hi Jamie I got a 7 year old who is really naughty she always hitting doors kicking biting hitting her brother and sister and she doesn't know why she does it when I tell her off she gets in my face and threatened to do the same it's hard to cope with it

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: My son is 11 years old i too am at the end of my teather he is now at a behavourial school and is increasingly worse he offends piers and is often running off the premises he has not been diagnosed yet i noticed alot of sighns when my son was 6 year old and noone has listenend now he is out of hand they are now i am at a loss as i feel the way you do every day its hard for his brothers and sisters and he is very embarising when friends and family come help!!!!!!!xxxx

anonymous 4 years ago

@Rfiskaali: I hate to tell you lady... but your 3 yr old doesn't have Odd or your ass would know it... this isn't your typical temper tantrum.. you need to be on another forum about temper tantrums. smdh

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: oh my god ... Im in the exact same boat!!! I live daily with a child that is totally out of control.. I wish we could exchange phone numbers

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: Yasmin I hope this message finds that your apt went well and you are in a good direction with you child. I am a childcare provider and work many different children and try very hard not to label children. One thing that I do see often in premature babies are sensory issues. It can sometime be that he is feeling overwhelmed by the lights, sounds and even space that can be overwhelming and lives in an agitated state. Just something to about.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: Wow Erin I feel for you. It sounds like you have so much going on and your home is not safe for you and your younger child. I'm sure that you are working with someone in mental health but if not you might want to look into this. It sounds like more is going on with your child than ODD. It sounds like for the past year you have been putting a bandaid on the problem but the Dr. are not getting to the source? My heart goes out to you and I hope that you can get something figured out soon for the safety and well being for all involved.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: My daughter started her behavior at 2 yrs old I thought it was just the age. Now she is 15 the behavior elevated each year. She is out of control. She has been in therapeutic boarding schools, wilderness camps and 13 different schools . She is violent and can not handle authority. It is not drugs or alcohol, it is not a rebellious teenage, she is a child that has ODD. The one thing I should have done different was to practice saying no more when she was younger and I was able to get her in time out. Do whatever you need to do while they are younger, it is so much harder when the reach teen years.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: I could not agree with you more.

anonymous 4 years ago

@Rfiskaali: You my dear are not a person that has been around a child with ODD. You would not make such a ignorant comments. It is a real personality disorder in the DSM TR IV diagnostic medical books. It is not a run of the mill, child being disobedient. It is a mental health issue ...Hello..do your homework.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: Wow. My eldest was in special care for two/three days and we were not able to bond normally.... She struggles with hat I would term mild to moderate odd

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: Has the CBT helped? I am at my wits en and don't like the thought of drugs. Looking into a third Lund of counseling or my kiddo.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: Of course you don't have a clue. There is a vast inference between kids who get in trouble cause it is normal going up and kids who can not control certain aspects of their behavior even when it I making things worse or them.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: LOL what a fool u must be! im in the UK over here they don't medicate 4 this condition, they use cbt for the whole family and luckily we have a national health service which covers such things but getting a diagnosis is hard! i am only 35 &amp; a mother of 4, all of my children are different and individual but only 1 has o.d.d. he is extremely difficult to parent let alone live with! i wish my home was rigged with cctv cameras then i could show exactly what we have to deal with on a daily basis. hopefully 1 day the bulletin will read 'breakthru drug reduces symptoms of bigots &amp; narrowminded morons!' :

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: I have my 4 1/2 year old grandson and he is exactly like you mentioned in your story.. I am at my whitts end doctors dont believe me cause he is semi good at office so they cant believe he is capable of this behavior. He get upset and violent at the drop of a hand he is mean to others,lies disipline he could care less. He hits my animals constantly and goes into fits of rage that the neighbors think Im abusing he he scream so loud.. No tears just yelling screaming kicking wall hitting his sister or my animals. He has been kicked out of daycares.I dont know what to do they say he has sensory processing disorder,ADHD I think he has ODD he fits all the signs but nobody will test him cause they dont feel he has it. We have been asked to leave walmart,restaunts due to his behavior I am about ready to give up. Live a day in my shoes and his mothers shoes and I guarntee they will have a different opnion.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: Yasmin brings up a point I have wondered about for many years. I have two girls; same parents, same upbringing, but 2 very different pregnancies. I had preeclampsia (toxemia) w/ my oldest and when my blood pressure soared to 210/155 they induced me to save both our lives. At 33.5 wks she was the size of a 31 wk term baby. She came out blue and silent, weighing only 3lbs 12 ozs. They coaxed her to take her first breath on an infant crash cart wheeled into the room before delivery...I had been told it was there for "worst case scenario" when I saw them bringing it in and asked what it was. After stablizing her she was quickly passed by my face so I could see and kiss her before they rushed her down to NICU. My husband went there w/ her but I was kept in my bed down the hall for 6 hours until my epidural wore off &amp; it was safe for me to walk. After 2 days, I was booted from the hospital where my baby was still being treated at, and had to visit her during the daytime for the next 2 wks until we could finally bring "our" baby home. I use quotes b/c I had to ask to pick her up and to feed her. It was 4 days before I was allowed to hold her. I never felt like she was "ours" for these and many other reasons. She and I were denied our bonding experience and I blame this on our inability to relate to one another for the past 15 years. She has never allowed me to mother her, rejecting me at every stage of development although I kept trying.

My youngest was born on her due date w/out incident at 7lbs 7 ozs. She stayed by my side and came home with me. The difference in bonding was so astonishing that I remrmber remarking about it then. She has always been a mommy's girl, liking what I like and yearning my direction. Well-behaved and mannered, she is a happy, mature and well-balanced 12 year old and is academically gifted. Her older sister, sadly, is ill-equipped for a happy or productive existence. She refuses to do homework or study. She hides behind the ADD diagnosis as a reason not to even try to learn anything and puts no effort into anything except destructive pursuits. She alienates and actively pushes away those around her and then feels sorry for herself for not bring liked. I tried to help her with everything until I couldn't stand the arguments and rejection anymore. Motherhood has damaged me beyond repair and my dream for a happy family life that I missed out on growing up w/ a single mom has been shattered. There is no "do-over". I will never have it in spite of the enormous efforts and sacrifices I have made. I have recently stopped putting my heart into creating something that is never going to be. I blame the people who disallowed us a proper bonding during those crucial first few weeks.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: No, these disorders were not idenitifed and a lot of the kids who had them grew up and ended up in prison or drug addicts. I know because I have a cousin who was one of them. Horrible ADHD growing up that was untreated, horrible ODD that was untreated. He is now a heroin addict living on the streets of Portland. I'm not a proponent of big pharma, but recognizing that your child has a disorder is the first step to helping them.

anonymous 4 years ago

@anonymous: although I tend to agree with MJ, I sympathize with parents who have children with such syndromes. Mainly it is because of the labeling and judgemental people. Don't get me wrong, I have a kid myself, but sometimes I believe that there is nothing wrong with the child, rather we are being brainwashed into thinking that there is and therefore try to rectify something that does not potentially exist.

Think about it, before you heard of Asperger's or ADHD, before it became a media sensation, what would you think?

You might think that the child is difficult, you might think the child has a bad temperament, but never ever that the child has a clinical problem. Do you see what I am trying to point out to you?

The media plays a role in scaring parents into thinking that their child has a problem, then they try to 'fix' it by giving medications. But medications like amphetamines are stimulants, and they would make the problem worse (I'm a pharmacist too by the way). Not to mention that they are seriously addictive.

I am not saying that your child does not have what he has, I just do not agree with the way it is being handled, with drugs

anonymous 4 years ago

My 6 year stepson has horrible behavior at SCHOOL ONLY. We feel it is lack of discipline at his school. He does things because he knows he can get away with it and has no respect for the Teachers. This started in kindergarten, (he went to 4-K with no problems at all) he was in a classroom with 28 other children and only 1 Teacher who could not control anything, he learned quickly from other children that if he didn't want to do something at school, he didn't have to and there was nothing they could do about it. We have been batteling this for 2 years now, he is in 1st grade now. His school counselor says he is a very strong willed child and admits they know he does the stuff because he "can" &amp; the counselor also admitted that it was learned behavior from the caos from kindergarten. He does none of the things at home that he does at school. He knows right from wrong. When we ask him why he does the things at school but not at home he states it is becasue he knows he will be in trouble if he does it at home. We have tried positive reinforcement and discipline at home but nothing works. He has an IEP at school and the special education Teacher writes him up for "bad behavior" which is flabergasting because it is her specific job on his IEP to get him "calmed down" at school. We have basically told the school at this point dont bother us anymore with his behavior issues, we cannot continue to punish him at home for what he does at school when they do nothing....He is almost perfect at home other than normal 6 yr old issues now and then, he never tells us no, he does not disrespect us, he throws no fits, he is very loving and helpful at home, we have even been praised in public at restaurants, stores and movies for his well mannered bahavior and respect. This is only an issue at school, he behaves in Sunday School. They say he doesn't have ADD/ADHD, they say he has no learning disabilities, we have been to professional counselors and they dont see any "issues". At school he tells the Teachers no, he gets up and leaves the classroom, he throws books, pencils, crayons around the room, he throws chairs &amp; kicks things, (he says he gets made when he doesn't want to do something) and this is not consistent with any time of day or any specific class. He does this for math, reading, music, PE, lunch, recess. We are at our wits end and we are getting no answers or help. We have discussed changing schools but the Principal tells us this behavior will just follow to what ever school he goes to but at this point I guess it is a chance we are willing to take because they sure as heck are not helping with the issues. We took wrestling away from him at the beginning of the year, no wrestling books, figures, dvd's, apparel everything and informed the school of this, his Teacher went behind our backs (on the day that he went to his Moms) and gave him books about wrestling and wrestling figures &amp; she has been lying to his Mother (we have primary placement she only gets 1 day a week and every other weekend) saying he has a good day becasue "she was afraid of what might happen to him if they knew he was naughty". WE are trying to be consistent with discipline at our house and his Mom's but that cant happen if he always has a "good day" when he goes to his Mom's. He is definately not going back to that school next year. Anyway...very frustrating but again I stress he does not have this behavior at home (or at his Moms) it is ONLY at school. He goes to counseling with my husband &amp; his Mother, we finally convinced his Counselor (his 4th counselor all the others found nothing wrong with him) that he needs to be seen at least once a week or more not once a month.

anonymous 5 years ago

To all people out there Judging and saying they are just being kids you most likely do not have a child with a disorder. I am 29 year old mother of a son who is 7 and half my son has Asperger's Syndrome ADHD and ODD. People judge my judge everyday parents and children. I cry for my son almost everynight praying that we will help him learn how to deal with his disorders. I have been dealing with this since my son was 2 and the older he gets the worse it gets. My son is loved and cared for he is sweet and loving but when he has meltdowns its like a different child he scream inappropriate things he screams that he will hurt himself or others and will cry for hours and then when the melt down passes he is then hard on himself thinking no one loves him and people hate him and he is bad. No matter how much we try to boost his self esteem it is never enough no matter how much I try to hug him and tell him how much I love him and how special he is to me he does not believe me. It breaks my heart to see my child suffer socially and academically. But what hurts more is that for possibly most of my life with him I will be defending him to ignorant people who refuse to get with the times and realize that these are real issues. STOP JUDGING start supporting!!!!!!

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: I am taking you do not have a child with disorders. Maybe you should educate yourself before you judge people and there kids. I am parent of a child with Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD and ODD walk a day in my shoes and then maybe you can make foolish comments like this

anonymous 5 years ago

for as long as i can remember my 12 year old son has been like this and its getting worse and worse every day i thought it was my parenting skills but i have to teenage daughters and they are just fine i have been on parenting classes the lot none of it has helped so far my son sees 2 different medical psychologist and a educational psy the way he behaves is that bad that the school is saying he will have to be taught in a specialist school those who think its a normal part of growing up are so wrong every day is a constant struggle im just grateful i have alot of people trying to support my family

anonymous 5 years ago

LOL what a fool...so being a child/young adult is now a mental illness which needs medication and treatment plans :) im only 28 but when i was younger these things were called childhood...every child is different, slowly growing into the adults of the future, some bad some good. Sounds like ppl trying to sell expensive pharms if u ask me. Whats next in the news headlines "BULLETIN Old age found to be a natural illness/occurance, new range of meds to battle it in drug stores soon" actually???? :-P

anonymous 5 years ago

Isnt every kid like this haha

anonymous 5 years ago

I think this is what my son has. He was born at 25 weeks gestation so extremely premature. He had mild asthma as a baby now he is 3 1/2 but the most difficult child out of the four in total I have (term babies). He is very sensitive, argues back, throws major strops, is disruptive, doesn't listen or answer a question or respond to his name straight away. He has to be told over and over again to do something and refuses to say sorry if he hits a child. He is definitely not like any other child his age and I've had two children before him so I'm aware of development at ages 0-7. I feel alone in this and I hate to think there's someone "wrong" with him but sadly there is and is have an appointment with paeds next week so fingers crossed we will get an answer

anonymous 5 years ago

Thankyou i may now have a answer to my sons problems and why i dont want to label him but it will be also nice to be able to tell my sons teacher that he is not a problem are a naughy child as she puts it and that really he is a clever bright boy

anonymous 5 years ago

@akane lm: is this true? My three year old son is so badly behaved and I have no idea what to do anymore. We have a loving and stable family. My son is very bright and I have tried to cater to his curiosity and desire for learning - but this does not seem enough of an outlet to prevent his violent outbursts. His behaviour is so terrible I have taken a year out of uni because I am too frightened of his behaviour at nursery. He bites, kicks, punches, scratches and makes a terrible high pitched scream at least twice a day.

I, too, am very concerned that he might be labelled with something so early on in his life, but I am at a loss and feeling very alone in this.

Oh well.

all the best to you all.

anonymous 5 years ago

Erin here again. I posted previously in September of 2011, and since then, things have gone downhill pretty quickly. Since then, my local Community Reach Center has upped services to in home therapy six days a week, and i've even gotten into my own individual therapy separately. I like having a Therapist of my own, but when it comes to family therapy, I dread it. The sheer chaos is unbearable and I'm starting to go crazy myself. Family therapy consists of constant defiance from my son, aggression, not wanting to talk about anything. He doesn't like it when he is confronted about his behavior. Being held accountable for his actions is a huge trigger. He has become extremely physically violent lately. He's always been pretty physical, but now I can't take it anymore. He's almost as big as me! He shoves me, slaps me, kicks me, punches me, body checking me, head butting, spitting, throws things, breaks everything, tries to run away. I have a two year old son as well so that makes things ten times harder. He tries abusing his little brother. He just does things to pick on him for no reason and he thinks it's funny, which is really disturbing. I constantly have to call the police but he couldn't care less. I think he has this idea that jail is just like a residential mental facility, which is the furthest thing from the truth. He says he's not afraid of being arrested, but I think deep down he is scared. Seriously though, his rages are a daily occurrence. I have to watch my back at all times, otherwise he just stars attacking. He makes death threats, but I don't know if he really means it or not. I don't know if I should take him seriously. He's only nine. And the maniacal laughing at peoples pain is what's been bothering me lately. He just gets that look in his eye where I just know something is about to go down and it usually does. His suicide threats have also come into the picture. He takes chords and wraps them around his neck and tightens them until he turns purple. He has tried strangling me a few times. What the hell! ?

Author

akane lm 5 years ago

@Rfiskaali: When you are three being defiant is normal. When you are eleven this type of defiance is not normal

anonymous 5 years ago

@Rfiskaali: You have no idea what you're talking about and have clearly never experienced a true ODD child.

tfsherman lm 5 years ago

I hate to peg young chldren with labels too, but I was taken aback when a little girl new to storyhour stomped to the front of the group while we sang our goodbye song, which was "If You're Happy and You Know It." "Don't stomp your feet!" she shouted. "Don't clap! Don't sing!" Couldn't help but think this was more than a mood.

Rebecca Fiskaali 5 years agofrom Florida

I too wrote something simliar to this on another platform. I tend to think of oppositional defiance disorder as growing up isses rather than a disorder.

My three year old fits this "diagnosis" to a TEE. However I will not label her with a disorder when in fact she's a stubborn, unruly, and overly bright child. I was the SAME way 30+ years ago. Maybe I had ODD? Now as an adult I'm =happy that noone labeled me with it ODD. Oppostional Defiance Disorder in my eyes is a little far fetched. Call it what it is.....a smart, sassy, deiant child not a disorder. The word "disorder" has such a scary connotation due to mental health stigma. I enjoyed reading your article and symptoms associated with ODD.

~Becky

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: We have 6 kids and only one fits this description. Of course, every child will be defiant from time to time. Every person loses their temper, refuses to listen...you are correct. However, this goes far beyond that. It isn't worth writing an entire description of the behavior because its really none of anyone's business. Just know that until you have experience with a child/teenager who displays these behaviors and not just occasionally but all the time...everyday 2 to 3 times a day, and not just a simple "no" but cussing and screaming even to their younger siblings and more...you just cannot put this out there. You just don't know. I do not want to apply labels. I too think it occurs too often, but I can tell you that, out of 6, only one displays these behaviors.

anonymous 5 years ago

my 3 year old boy shows all these signs all day everyday. As a parent it is very stressful. I am currently looking for someone to see him about his struggles in his daily life but because he is so young i am having no luck. They all say call back in two years when he is five. I would love to no how fair is that to my baby boy who cant not live a normal life because he cant be around people because he is so mean. I can not get a job because no one else can handle my son, I am a single parent. Why in the world wont these doctors help me?

deeptigupta 5 years ago

good resource of info!!

anonymous 5 years ago

My son shows all 8 of these behaviours alot and as a parent i know something aint right so this information has been very very helpful. When i look at these questions i would of thought it was someone talking about my son as it fits him perfectly. Great information thankyou.

dellgirl 5 years ago

I really learned a lot here, this is new information to me. This information will help educate a lot of people. It sure helped me understand a little better.

anonymous 5 years ago

my 3 year old is displaying all of these symptoms every single day , is she too young to be diagnosed

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: Same deal hear I was merried b for had two children raising them was nothing compared to my neices whom we r trying to adoppt.(long story) the

3 year old is out of control as 4 JJ Thomson all u who think like this fella I used to think that there was no such thing as bad childern only parents till now

sarah-clensy 5 years ago

@anonymous: Your son probably feels safe at home and thus the behaviors are coming out there instead of school. He also probably wants to fit in at school, so he keeps it together there. Just my thoughts.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: I think parents get scared to get help a lot of times because they think people will look at them as bad parents. I think there is such a HUGE stigma associated with getting help for mental health issues that many families just suffer. Let me tell you from experience, be firm that you do NOT want to use medication as a first line treatment. Let the therapist know that you want to work on this without medications FIRST. If the therapist insists on medication find another therapist. They should RESPECT your wishes to not medicate. Only after extensive therapy, and things are absolutely not improving should medication be sought. This society we live in wants quick and easy fixes, and these issues are not easy to fix. It takes hard work and dedication. You probably think you have tried everything, but you might be surprised at the suggestions being made. Sometimes when we live in the midst of turmoil for so long we stop seeing things. We are only in defense mode, not problem solving mode. Having an outsiders perspective can be life changing!!

Recently I went to a therapy session with other adults. The one woman was sitting there talking about some anxiety and depression she was having. She had decided to take medications while working on things, this was her first line of treatment. As she was talking she said after about 3 days of feeling depressed and full of anxiety, she realized that she hadn't taken her medications. I sat there and thought to myself, so has her progress really been progress or is it just the medications masking her symptoms? This woman will be dependent on medications for the rest of her life, the therapy or hard work all went down the tube because she hadn't been allowed to "feel" her emotions. How can you fix something you can't feel?

Anyway, don't be too worried about the medication thing. Just be FIRM that you do not want it.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: I get what you are trying to say. I think that a lot of children are labeled as "something" now days when simple interventions are not working. I think there is a crisis in labeling children and putting them on the latest and greatest med. My son when he was little, at the age of 18 months, started to regress in his social skills, became abusive to himself and just was a handful. Trust me, we tried every type of discipline method we knew but he just was not responding to them. As a parent, you see these things and KNOW that something is not right. My son was dx as having a pervasive developmental disorder, NOS (autistic like behaviors). He has gotten a lot of therapy, mostly speech and occupational. Every place we have gone for treatment, every doctor he has seen, all have offered medication as the first option rather than the last.

It is ridiculous to me that this is the case. Within 10-15 minutes of meeting my son, the first words out of their mouth is .. we can give him this medication. My son has NOT taken medications. His occupational and speech therapy helped him tremendously, and his behaviors have decreased significantly. I have also found that he has a lot of underlying medical problems that create some of his behaviors. For instance he was getting really bad headaches, I took him to his doctor who sent him to a neurologist. We did all kinds of expensive testing, and they found nothing. The neuro wanted to give him some kind of antiseizure medication. I held off. AFter really digging deep with my son, I figured out that he was having headaches because he couldn't SEE. He just needed reading glasses. The tics he was having resolved when I gave him Vitamin B supplements. Found out through a blood test that his Vitamin B levels were low normal. Some of his tics were not really tics at all, but rather due to a stuffy nose itching. Allergy testing revealed that he has several severe allergies to things in his environment. He is starting allergy treatment for those.

However, even with those things he still has trouble with things.

Here recently he switched schools (middle school) and he has become very angry and has had some violent type outbursts. It usually stems from too much stress in his life. I have taken him to a therapist to help him learn healthy ways to cope with that anger. It so far is helping out, just having someone outside the family to help guide him has been a lifesaver so far (crossing fingers).

My brother, on the other hand, had a lot of the same issues. He was never taken to therapy, or dx with anything. He was unable to cope with some of his struggles because no one recognized them. He was called lazy, troublemaker, etc. These are titles given by society, not a therapist. To cope he started using drugs and drank a lot.

It wasn't until these past few years that he has started to realize that he was doing these things to cope with his underlying issues. He strongly believes he has some form of ADHD or high functioning autism. He wishes that he would have been given help a lot earlier.

Many people who get dx when they are older find relief in getting that dx, that you describe as harmful. It can help explain all these things they themselves noticed as different. It can also help them work through the difficulties they have (like making lists, using meditation, etc.)

Many therapist use techniques that have been practiced for years and years. Meditation, relaxation techniques, etc. Cognitive behavioral therapy helps people restructure their way of thinking so they can have a healthier way of life. I don't see the destruction of someone who worries about everything having a way to tell themselves, this is temporary things will get better. Life is about changes, its normal to have feelings, etc.

anonymous 5 years ago

im quite worried right now because my brother has all the symptoms!

hes 14 and he is grumpy all the time, tries his best to annoy me, gets angry every time he has to do something he doesnt want to do and refuses to do it until my mum has to practically force him and lots of other annoying thing like that so now im kinda scared

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: Easy to say when you haven' t been in another parent's shoes. I have been a teacher for 22 years and if you don't get kids help early many times you pay for it later or they do.

MaryThereseBenn 5 years ago

I've seen three generations of this, and my heart goes out to all of you. This is not bunk, this is not going the easy way to put a label on someone, this is like going through hell, and as parents you are just about helpless. I am so, so, sorry!

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: I agreed for the past 13 years, refused to get my son screened for the fear of medication that I don't know the long term effects. I wanted results, not a sedated kid. Now that he is 13 I'm questioning my decision. Our whole family sufferes from his actions on a daily basis. Most importantly he is now suffering as well. grades are bad, no friends, He is unhappy more than he is happy. I used to think ADHD was just a cop out for bad kids, drug them up and live peacefully, But I promise that isn't the case. these kids need help. I am looking to get him eveulated. Nobody should live like this, my younger son gets tourched by him and he gets tourched at school. I think it's time to get professional help. I have 4 children so I'm pretty sure I can tell normal from abnormal children behavior. He was diffrent from 1 yr old.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: I'm 15 years old and he sounds exactly like me the best thing you can do are simple e.g. When he frustrated playing a game because he can't win don't say it's a one off or tell him to cheer up or stop moaning, because in my case that has enraged me more, also try not to patronise him and make sure when he interacts with you, interact back e.g if he talks to you , talk back, don't just reply by nodding your head. But also if they tell you to get lost or shut up or whatever respect that and give them a bit of time to simmer. These all worked with me and my parents.

anonymous 5 years ago

Oh gosh i have read alot and can see bits and pieces of what you are saying, i do not agree with all this medication that children have, I am a Mother of 3 my oldest now being 18, a 12yr old girl and a 4 year old girl . My son has always been a handleful assessed as ADD when 3yrs olld, would climb out the windows at 3am to ride his bike( so put chains on windows), so very distructive. Honest thought my head was going to explode it took years now he is 18 did his final year at school and left and is now working , he still lives at home, has respect, ethics and morals all i can say is be strong and constant , there is a light at the end of the tunnel, because these kids minds never stop working they need few choices and be consistant, they crave it, that way they learn where to draw the line and if it never changes they no where it is..I couldn't be prouder of him. I have never given him medication although the doctors wanted him to be on it. As for 12yr old girls just breath and start each day on a new basis and hope the next 2yrs go quick (fingers crossed). I am a single mum so really just hang in there, remember how much you love and use common sense some may need medical intervention but please try before writng them off and given them pills. ( ps sorry not very good at punctuation etc)

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: i do agree with some of what your saying but you do have to take into consideration that some children are different to other children although some parents do look for an easy way out some parents dont im not an expert or a professional but i am a mother of 3 children i have brought all my children up the same with the same boundaries but its my oldest child of nine that pushes the bounderies and you just know as a parent that something isnt quite right especially when you watch there anger go to extremes its heartbreaking when they come home from school and they havnt any friends and there bullied as there an easy target and there so behind with there school work and the only way you can get outside help is if you slap a label on your child im sorry to say that if i can get my child envolved in clubs and one to one support to boost his learning then getting him a label is the only way to do it then it has to be done although some of the parents are crazy sending a child to the bathroom for 6 hours is mental but there are some parents who are genuine my child has autism and i was informed that he also has odd i havnt gone down the route of medication or therapy i have attended parenting courses and set srict boundaries and daily routines that are met eveyday and are not changed i just had to write a reply to your lens as alot of parents on this sight are very concearned and genuine parents and i just think you should have considered this maybe if you think you have a better alternative to the responses parents recieve about there children then you should put some of what you know into practice im sure alot of parents will gladly welcome any form of help

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: I think this is the best idea I have heard of in a long time. It is less restrictive than, say, making them stand in a corner (because that never works, they do anything they can to NOT face the corner). So they go in the bathroom, you shut the door, and no more attention is paid to bad behavior? Do you think because she is six that I should only add five minutes onto the time-out for continued hostility after the time-out starts? This may just save my sanity. I am going to try this, thank you so much. I have a very defiant six year old that consistently breaks rules and disobeys no matter how many times you tell her what's expected of her. We need a new plan of action.

anonymous 5 years ago

@snglmomof3: My daughter is six years old and is very much like how your son sounds. Especially with the talking, and asking the same questions she knows the answer for over and over and over! She throws fits, lies, is disrespectful no matter what punishment she gets. It is so overwhelming, and nothing has changed in over six months. Someone help me!

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: I have my 11 year old son with ODD going to a psychologist,he told me to do time out in the bathroom. That way he has water and a toilet, and nothing to distract him. Each time he yells, kicks the door, throws something, etc. I add 10 more minutes. One night he stayed in there for 6 hours, but he had to do the time. each time he does something he knows he is not supposed to do, he goes to the bathroom for time out. it has worked better than anything else i have tried.

anonymous 5 years ago

@snglmomof3: Stop medicating your children for starters. They are far too young. Long term and high dose short term usage of amphetamines, the medicines your children are on, are found to cause early life onset of strokes, very early onset of Parkinsonian brain diseases (sometimes as early as in the mid-20's), ischemic brain and heart disease (the brain and cardiac and vascular tissues in your child's body break down and degenerate in a way identical to that found in people suffering non-bleeding strokes breaks down the brain matter), etc, etc, etc. The medication you have your child on is very dangerous and will lead to a shortened and very likely seriously disease ridden life span.

Snglomof3: The only thing I can really impart to you other than what I have said is the idea that this is not a game. Your children and the actions you take for and on them will affect them until they die. You are the main influence on their life and you shouldn't even be in the position where your policies and parenting is coming from a place that is barely or poorly considered. Life is serious business. Do not screw it up for your children because of problems caused by your own weaknesses and flaws when the case has always been, as it is with everyone, that you can change yourself to better serve your children.

Amphetamine therapy is supposed to be for attention and concentration (supposedly it is for cognitive enhancement as it is a brain/intellectual function doping chemical group) and very specifically is counter-indicated, in the literature, for dealing with mood related behavioral problems. I am afraid that you may be unknowingly turning your children into something you will fear by carrying too many of your poorly considered actions.

There is something very basic that you and everyone has to understand and very well should be understanding before becoming parents. Serious problems demand serious, long, and often agony worthy consideration. Small problem demand small and less time consuming thinking and effort. Looking for guidance from a educator on psychotropic and neurotropic chemical administration does not make sense if the aforementioned is a given. It breaks from logic and assumes that an educator has an informed or educated opinion about neurochemistry and psychopharmacology. if you someone offers you advice about these professional issues relating to the medicating/drugging of your children it will require that a Pharm.D, Ph.D/D.Ph., or (though it denotes less experience related to the fundamental science of it) a MD suffix their name. Anyone else, as an immediate and logical given, is extremely unqualified to provide advice or guidance For your children's sakes stop making these logical errors in judgement. It is very bad and troublesome.

anonymous 5 years ago

i only pretty sure, perhaps positive, that there is something deeply mentally ill about the parents on here looking to slap a life changing label on their children for convenience sake. I agree with the poster who said children are supposed to be oppositional and defiant, at least when raised in this era in the USA. On the other hand their seems to be a concurrent pandemic of narcissism and sociopathic behavior when it comes to acknowledging the humanity and human rights of their children that has been taken much of its form in psychiatry for the past 3 decades.

If you want to be precise it should then be said at the beginning that psychiatry and psychology are social sciences. I am a natural sciences researcher and am understand scientific method as well as I understand how to breath. Psychiatry has specifically blurred itself from being a science at all do to its dishonesty that has spurred to a good extent by the idea that it has become both natural science (medical science) while retaining grossly erroneous and poorly constructed social science methodologies. Perhaps. for those somewhat familiar with software engineering, you will understand the idea of psychiatry being alike to the Windows operating system. A long time ago when it was in a much more basic form it was more or less efficient, reliable, and did not destroy things because of its instability. However (it took major form with the passing of the DSM-III. In fact the lead editor of it has become an anti-psychiatry advocate because of his self-admitted guilt in having set up a "house of cards".)

You have to understand that this is a "science" that firmly believed back in the mid 1800's that slaves running away from slave masters, drapetomania, was a form of mental illness, has a long history of imprisoning patients and doing various torturous things to them while confined, and used removing large pieces of the frontal lobe of people's brains as a way of instilling obedience in human patients. The ignorance of a person coming to psychiatry and various forms of psychology without having read a good deal of its fundamental scholarly works results in one not understanding that these fields have been dripping wet in ideologies related to social engineering and behavioral modification meant mimic the various manifestations of social Darwinism seen in the real world. B.F. Skinner, a major "reformer" in the fields of psychiatry and psychology, wrote from this standpoint and fittingly one of much later works was titled Beyond Freedom or Dignity.

Now you may be thinking: What is the matter with this guy? Why is he criticizing these things and turning the dialogue towards this direction? Well, there is very good point to why I am bringing the discussion where I have.

If you start, especially at a young age, to put your children into social engineering mechanisms and slapping on them rather incredible titles/disorders along with heavy medicating and behavior modification you will have crossed the all too infrequently heeded line between treating someone like a human being and treating someone like an animal which is your property. If you think children are animal-like compared to adults, and veritable property of the older individuals in society then I can only wish God help your children to allow them to escape you. But, if you just aren't thinking very hard about what this behavior "management" which has become part of the contemporary zeitgeist then I urge you to consider very hard what you are doing and who you REALLY are doing this for. Are some of these "mental deviancies" that you think your children may be suffering possible to amend by you and your partner cutting down on me time and parenting time spend taking in feedback from a system that intentionally excludes the majority of feedback coming from your child? Are you deficient and the environment you create/have created in the past in ways that plausibly could create behavior that is less than simple to deal with? Last, what were you like when your were their age and older? Were you similar at all? Do you see things in them that you see in yourself, possibly? Are you trying to modify behaviors that you yourself once exhibited?

If any of the answers to the above are yes or in the affirmative then I am sad to report to you that you and the members of your family who have similar behavior to your own are likely at a minimum half of the problem in your child's life. If you have problems that have rubbed off on your child then nothing short of a miracle will fix them unless you start thinking and behaving in more accountable and rational manners.

Worshiping at the alter of behavioral sciences is as good as burning incense to the desert god El for help, or any other deity for that matter. Complicated problems require complicated problem solving and actions. If you cannot grasp that then God help your children. They will need it.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: I agree

anonymous 5 years ago

My little brother has all of these more than what is required. ODD?

anonymous 5 years ago

my 5 year old has all 8 issues literally all day every day.......ODD?

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: hi just read your post and was wondering if you have had any advice as your son is exactly the same as mine and im struggling i just dont no where to turn thanx julie

anonymous 5 years ago

it could just be a phase

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: Completely agree, 100%. My daughter is the same way. We always have our calm talks after she has completely unleashed all of her anger. She knows exactly what happens, why, but she cannot control it either. I also do not want to go to the medication route at all so I am finding it hard to find other ways to not necessarily control it..but to pour water on the fire as it is starting. If you can, could you please let me know what you do that is the most effective? or really...anything. She is 7, and so I just want to help her, and at the same time know and feel confident in what I'm doing is right.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: U obviously dont have children how do u feel about taking mine for a week im sure u would soon change your pig headed opinion i assure u you would be ripping your hair out

anonymous 5 years ago

per week dont u mean numerous times per day

anonymous 5 years ago

you see all 8 of those line items... well the child I am currently guardian of does those things 3-4 times a day

ContentbyCasey LM 5 years ago

Very interesting points.

anonymous 5 years ago

Would you say my daughter has odd if she get mad always with me and even has gotten to the point that she is getting physical with me what can i do.

anonymous 5 years ago

@snglmomof3: You may want to check with a neurologist sounds like he may have tourrettes or ocd.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: Wow, Vranja, that's kind of what I was thinking. Especially for a very boyish boy, if you get my meaning. I've been worried about my son because he does disobey pretty much daily but he's often very sweet and fun to be around. He shows occasional empathetic tendencies but he's not a "care bear". He's very bright (read just before 4, is 6 now) and has an incredible imagination. But he is drawn more to kids in informal settings (after school care, etc) that are misbehaving and joins in the fun. Doesn't like losing games and can be easily frustrated at times. Does well in the structure of a classroom but can get into mischief easily, say, with a substitute teacher. But could decide to help her and be a mini teacher and help the other kids... I've had people imply he could have ADD and he fits the bill with the ODD thing pretty well. I don't think I want to label my kid so easily...

anonymous 5 years ago

Alright...this just happened not even an hour ago. My 13 year old sister just threw and enormous fit over my mom asking her not to turn on her electric blanket because it is a tad too warm for that now. She literally began to throw herself to the floor, wailing and keening, kicking the walls, slamming door, etc.

My mother was patient and decided to let her tire herself out. After nearly 30 minutes, she finally quieted down, and asked to get a drink. My mom brought up a cup of water for her, but she became angry that she couldn't get it herself, and tried to dump the water on my mom. My mom raised her arm to defend herself, causing the water to spill on my sister instead. She screamed BLOODY MURDER that probably woke the entire neighborhood...

She then went about going up and down the stairs, threatening to leave, and slamming her door so hard that it now bulges outward a bit.

The argument is still going on now...she just slammed her door several times more...

This has been going on for almost 2 years and my poor mom feels helpless. I hate seeing her cry.

Please help.

anonymous 5 years ago

Are you kidding me? You obviously have no children. I have four. Spread over 12 years. One of the four has ODD so bad we couldn't even get family members to babysit him as a child. He gets so angry sometimes he gets violent. We tried everything natural we possibly could as we didn't like medication solutions but I have to tell you that the older he got the more he knew he was different from other children. His behavior often got him shunned. He lost friends, had trouble in school, etc....We have him seeing a counselor now and when he is calm he tells us that he enjoys the counselor because he feels it helps as he often cannot express his frustration and the anger builds and then he cannot control himself and just reacts. He says if he could describe it he would say he is like a volcano. You just don't know when it will blow and sometimes you can feel the quake before it does but you still can't control it. I feel so badly for him because he wants to be able to be calm and succeed he just so often cannot figure out how to do it without becoming frustrated which eventually leads to ODD behaviors. It is a shame soo many people do not understand it and as a society we have built these stereotypical "molds" we expect our children to fit or "cookie cut" ways we think everyone should be. Some disorders, as they are not physical, therefore not "seen", are overlooked and the child who needs help sorely lacks it. As parents it is deeply stressful to not have the help, resources and understanding we so desperately need.

anonymous 5 years ago

My wife works in the Psych field as a Nurse and I am going to send her this page.

anonymous 5 years ago

All of those sound like normal kid behaviors to me. Seriously? You expect people to take this as something that's unusual? I'd be more worried about a kid that was always compliant. Kids are SUPPOSED to be oppositional and defiant. They're SUPPOSED to disobey, lose their tempers, deny responsibility, refuse to listen, and otherwise behave like changelings from two till 25, when they somehow become human beings with a reasonable sense of empathy. You know, when their brains are done growing.

Seriously, this 'disorder' is so bunk. Parents: stop acting like there's something wrong with your kid. There isn't -- until you start medicating and therapying them to death. No wonder kids these days are crazy. Helicopter parents who won't let them go be children. Jeez.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: Well I have a 6 year old going to be 7 here in two months and two other chilren. I am in need of help with my 6 year old she is the middle child, if you say that the pharmaceutial companies are just trying to drug our children. Is it or is it not helping a child deal with day to day activities. If you can find the resources to help ease the tension of a typical family them throw the answeres out here . Cause I know that I have not failed as a mother and I know that my daughter is a beautiful sympathetic and loving child. She just needs help with getting thru her day to day struggles. So we are not here lableing our CHILDREN we are labeling their behavior. If there is something that will help our children instead of letting them be misserable wouldn't you as a human being want that child who is our future be happy and enjoy there childhood?

anonymous 5 years ago

My daughter is 9 years old, and she fits the ODD. how can I go about getting her right, as we can not do this any more, and affraid that my younger daughter will become like her as she is 20 months

anonymous 5 years ago

My daughter exhibits most of these behaviors at home, but is the total opposite at school and in sports. All I hear is how great responsible organized and focused, but I don't see that at home. She doesn't have anger outbursts often but she's 14 now and we have had a couple in the past few months where she has gotten extremely aggressive towards us. Sh refuses to go to counseling, and we don't know what to do anymore.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: My 7 years old is exactly the same. I do not know what to do. Great kid while in school, but totally different at home. Just tell him no and IT starts. Hitting, kicking, screaming, attacking, yelling. I have tried so many things and it just does not work. I have two younger boys that are gold. Have you had any success?

kellyi 5 years ago

Please help!! I am a mother of 4 children and I am experiencing major problems with my 12 year old daughter. After reading some of the comments I am starting to wonder if she has ODD, she continuously lies, steals and bullies my other 3 children this happens on a daily basis. I have removed all her priveleges and given her essays to write on how her behaviour effects others, what she gets out of it, what the benefits are and why she does it, by doing this I have now learned that she doesn't accept any responsibility she just continues to blame others for example "you made me angry so I stole, lied and bullied" There are no concerns with her at school and I am literally at my wits end. My other 3 children are perfectly fine they obey rules and are doing fantastic at school and home, so why my 12 year old? She hasn't had a bad life and I always praise her good behaviour just lately though there is none to praise. I have concerns around her weight as she steals food and I have had to hide everything from her. I find myself wanting to cry as I really don't know how to deal with this!!! Please please help....

snglmomof3 5 years ago

Feb 23, 2012 @ 11:31 am

My seven year old son won't stop talking. He talks and talks, ask's questions he knows the anwser for and repeats it, he does very good in school and never gets in trouble or time outs. teachers never say he talks too much. he also has a strange routine at night, he says good night mom, have a great day and work. then he wants us to repeat the same thing but saying have a great day at school. he may repeat this several times. he plays hockey and is very good at it, best on team but has a hard time listening to directions from the coachs during practice.

It sounds like a slight touch of OCD

snglmomof3 5 years ago

I have three children two girl who are ages 6 and 5 and a son who is 3 both of my oldest children recently we're put on ADD-ADHD medicine my 5yr old was put on Adderall XR 10mg and I have seen a HUGE improvement in her behavior but she has these outburst of rage normally at night ... Is this caused from the medicine ?? Her teacher thinks I should have her dosage increased because they are seeing alot more of the defiant behavior coming back as I am too... on another not my 6yr old was put on vyvanse bc she has trouble staying focused in school and doing homework as well as losing jus about everything the vyvanse made her worse so they put her on Adderallxr bcd of it working so well with her sister I am seeing no improvement with this either ?? the doctor said she deff has add and odd but their arent many treatment options avail for that .. I hate the thought of my children even being on medicine in the first place .. Please do you have any suggestions ?

anonymous 5 years ago

Hi i have a son who was really out of control when he was younger to a point we couldnt even take him to families homes in case he wouldn't be good. i have 2 other girls,one is 15 nearly and the other 7yrs we dont get any probs with them. my son laughs at people when gets told off and dont make eye contact when talking to him. He sits in his room by himself always looking grumpy drawing is the only way that he seems to occupy him. we having taken him to a clinic and have been told its not adhd as he knows what he is doing please could u advise me if this could be odd please as im despirate many thanks

anonymous 5 years ago

Hi, just want to knpw what i can do with my 8yr old who has odd along with anxiety in which he's been having troubles at school like acting out and threatening another student he doesnt care for, i dontknow what else to do he's been hospitalized, therapy, meds and still is going to therapy once a week.

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: Call the police and have him baker acted and evaluated in a psych ward.

Author

akane lm 5 years ago

@anonymous: It is not too late but it will get harder as he gets older.

Unfortunately, this is not something that you can do. You will need to get your parents to act on this.

Please have them contact me directly.

SandyHay 5 years ago

@anonymous: I tried to reply to you earlier today but not sure that the comment went through. I keep thinking about your situation and I am concerned about your doctor putting your young son on the meds. We trust in the doctors but I sometimes think they are just looking for the easiest solution for us rather than a more long term fix. Have you tried taking preservatives and sugar from your son's diet? Not just a little, but full on? This was suggested to me when my son was 3 and it wasn't until 4 or 5 years later that out of complete exasperation from everything not working, that I tried it. OMG! For about 6 months, the change in my boy was amazing. I never truly believed in this approach until I saw it work. To give you an idea, my son got kicked out of daycare due to his behaviour. He then got kicked out holiday programs once he was school age, scouts, every sport we put him into and I got daily phone calls from the school about his behaviour. For the 6 months that we went preservative and sugar free (or at least minimal sugar), I only got one phone call and this was to ask me what I had done to change him. I wish I had tried it earlier because unfortunately, when I did it, he was at an age where he worked out he could get his junk food fix by stealing from other kids and the pantry when we weren't looking and then I lost my edge. I can't recommend this approach highly enough. Even my two other children, who are usually well behaved, became calmer and less prone to tears and tantrums. I researched on www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info and found this website extremely useful. But, I must warn you that if you try the preservative free approach, please do it properly. It can take a couple of weeks before the effects gradually become apparent and it requires perserverance and a little time to learn which preservative numbers to avoid etc. One of the biggest changes in our house, was stopping buying the commercial breads that all seem to have the evil 282 preservative in it. Kids love sugary things and there are some great yummy low sugar or sugarless recipes out there. If you need someone to chat with, happy to help. My son is 12 now and I think I've seen everything. :)

anonymous 5 years ago

Can i just add that I do have other children and another teenage boy and I do have problems with him but that is just normal defiant teenage behaviour, he is 16, but my 19 year old his behaviour went well beyond that, Im not happy about labelling children, but these children do need help, they are not happy with their life or their behavior, my son has never been able to enjoy his life or have the same oppurtunites has his peers or his two brothers and sisiter. He is 19 now and due to his aggresion he had to leave, his little sister was attacked by him and social services stated that he had to leave, I was heartbroken he lives in a flat now that a charity helped him with, but he does not want contact with me, the last time I saw him he raised his fist to hit me and told me what a crap mom i am, i have failured my son i know this but i did my best for him but it was not good enough,

anonymous 5 years ago

Hi Akane,

I am from India. This is in regard to my brother's behavior. He is 17 yrs old. I am telling you the background situation so that u can understand well.

When he was born he used to be very ill so my parents used to fulfill all his choices and demands but gradually this changed into taking advantage of my parents. Now, the problem is that he is not bad at heart in fact very kind and generous.

But refuses to follow anything my parents say or I say (I am 24yrs old). All the above points are true and big in intensity. His anger is too bad. And I have studied about ODD also and sadly I agree that maybe he is suffering from this disorder. I am writing this on behalf of my parents.

Hope U can help us now.

Regards

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: My goodness. I'm really concerned about your doctor putting a 3 year old on meds. I have had a problem son for 9 years (he's 12 now) and while I did succumb to the meds when he was 10, found they did more harm than good. The only thing that ever worked with him for a sustained period of time was a complete change in diet. I read up on the website www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info and followed their guides to a tee. After 5 years of bad behaviour, he became a wonderful child for 6 months before he started sneaking food from other people's lunch boxes and the pantry. When I had complete control of his foods, he was a different child. Have you tried doing something like this over a period of time. I think you'll be amazed with the results. He loves sweets, so I made him his very own minimal sugar shortbread that he loved and cut out preservative laced breads. Happy to help if you need some advice or just someone to chat to.

anonymous 5 years ago

my son is 14 and i have answered yes to all the questions above, he was never like this about a year ago, but i could of answered yes to at least 4, its driving me mad please help me, he was so lovingjen

anonymous 5 years ago

I am the step mother of a wonderful 9 year old girl. She occasionally talks back but overall she is respectful. She does talk endlessly and is agressive toward her younger sister (also my step daughter, 7). My step kids live with us half time and half time with their mother. My 9 year old step daughter has horrible fits of rage at her mother's home and talks back toward her mom and step father. She is violent toward the other 3 kids in their home and from her mother's statements fits the description above. Her mother is very controlling, argumentative, and disrespectful towards people. Her mother has gotten her diagnosed with ODD but my understanding is that it would be an uncontrollable behavior and not at one house it happens and the other it does not. Am I correct? I believe it is a behavior she has learned as a way to control their home. So far it has worked. I don't want her to be on unnecessary meds. We live in Washington State which gives the mother much more power than the father. We have tried to get a second oppinion but her mother is set on medicating her to control her behavior. If it is a situational behavior and she is medicated we are fearful of the effects of the meds.

anonymous 5 years ago

Hi my son is 7 years old and very angry. He has just been excluded from school for his behaviour he has hit other children and shouted and thrown objects at teachers and the head mistress. He has gone back to school for now but both my husband and myself feel it will happen again. We have taken him to our GP who was not very helpful and are awaiting a referral to camhs. he is very bright and does not struggle with his work but has an over competitive nature which can lead to him losing his temper and exploding. He has always been a fairly difficult child but loves one on one attention. Any ideas....

anonymous 5 years ago

@anonymous: ditto

anonymous 5 years ago

Concern Parents: My 10 year old that will be 11 in 4 months. Has ADHD and ODD he is on med's focalin time -release. He is behaved in school but not doing well with grades. He doesn't like to read and won't do his reading homework or test. Just recently in the last 2 months he doesn't want to take his medicine and can't get a clean reason why. He takes it in school. He lies, is disrespectful, talks back, and is mean to his 5 year old brother. He doesn't listen at home at all. We go to a Behavioral Medicine and Family Therapy and he believes he has mood swings. Our Primary Doctor is wanting us to go to a different doctor that can see why he doesn't want to take his medicine. I am so confused but my son is making our home not pleasant. If you have any suggestions.. We have taken away things he just says I don't care and later he has a break down.

anonymous 5 years ago

Yes my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia and the ODD, but I was told that ODD was a term that was used when another possible undiagnosed mental health condition might prevail in adult hood. My Son too becam so violent he had to leave, it got so bad that we had to put a lock on the bedroom door because he used to threaten to stab my hubby an i when we were asleep. He Hates me so much know

anonymous 5 years ago

My 3 year old son has been diagnosed with adhd...He has been put on meds but the meds make him zombie like. He has temptrums and cries constantly the littliest thing causes him to act out. I am going insane i love my son but he is out of control he will not take no as a answer and i worry at times for his safety! The med has helped a tiny bit but i do not want the zombie like side affects of it! ODD sounds alot more like what he has almost every number mentioned that is what he is! I need help please someone help me!!!

anonymous 5 years ago

my son, now 18, was diagnosed with ADHD in the first grade. All during his school years it was doctors visits, medication changes, pyschiatrists, psychologists. At about 16 he started refusing to take his medication and continue his treatment. No one ever mentioned ODD to me, but reading here that is what my son has. He was hard to deal with at times, but things were manageable untill he turned 17. The last year has been a living hell, he is always angry, yelling, refuses to take any direction, going out of his way just to annoy people, is disrespectful and at times has been violent. Thing got so bad I was forced to make him move out of our home for the safety of the other family members. He refuses to get any help, he is 18...what choice did I have? He won't work or finish school...it's a terrible...I feel like I failed as a parent. I wish one of the MANY doctors we hve been to would have told me about ODD, maybe knowing earlier would have helped.