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My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years. I want to get married. We have talked about marriage quite a bit and i have even proposed to him. He said yes but when i ask him when he wants to get married he says he doesnt know. So today i asked him if maybe fall of 2012 would be an okay time to set a date. He says he doesn't want to rush it. I am wondering if maybe he doesn't want to get married. I am also wondering if maybe i should have waited to ask him. His parents had a bad relationship and I know he doesn't want to go through the same thing. I tell him that you learn from your parents mistakes. I learned from my mother's! His father and M(his "stepmom") have been together for 17 year and they are not married. I understand that he sees that as okay. I feel like it's okay if that's for you but I do want to get married. I'm afraid he just doesn't want to get married though he said he does want to marry me. He asked me, after i asked him to marry me, when i wanted to have a baby since i wanted to get married. Do you think maybe I might just be rushing things? Or maybe he doesn't really want to get married? I'm just afraid he doesn't want to and that maybe i wasted my money on the ring i got for him.

Sam

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6 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:MarriageMy boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years. I want to get married. We have talked about marriage quite a bit and i have even proposed to him. He said yes but when i ask him when he wants to get married he says he doesnt know. So today i asked him if maybe fall of 2012 would be an okay time to set a date. He says he doesn't want to rush it. I am wondering if maybe he doesn't want to get married. I am also wondering if maybe i should have waited to ask him. His parents had a bad relationship and I know he doesn't want to go through the same thing. I tell him that you learn from your parents mistakes. I learned from my mother's! His father and M(his "stepmom") have been together for 17 year and they are not married. I understand that he sees that as okay. I feel like it's okay if that's for you but I do want to get married. I'm afraid he just doesn't want to get married though he said he does want to marry me. He asked me, after i asked him to marry me, when i wanted to have a baby since i wanted to get married. Do you think maybe I might just be rushing things? Or maybe he doesn't really want to get married? I'm just afraid he doesn't want to and that maybe i wasted my money on the ring i got for him.

My 2 cents on this. I'm going to assume you are female, and further assume that you both are in your early 20s. Now 3 years is a very reasonable amount of time to assess whether you are compatible life partners. From what you have described, I see a man who really does not want to get married -- you proposed, he said yes, but the fall of 2012 is "rushing into it?" That's a red flag for me right there. It sounds like he is torn because he clearly wants to be with you; likes what you have, but is petrified of the commitment. You had to propose to him and you bought the ring -- more red flags.

I would suggest to you that pushing this man in the direction of marriage is a mistake. He may be a risk averse type, may want to keep his options open. I think the decision is yours -- if you find the status quo to be unacceptable, meaning you really really want to get married and start a family -- then you may want to cut your losses and start again. Easier said than done I know, if you care enough about him to want to marry him. I would sit him down and discuss his reticence with him, to evaluate whether he's just not ready now, or if he will never be ready. Good luck,

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Report This| Share this:MarriageMy 2 cents on this. I'm going to assume you are female, and further assume that you both are in your early 20s. Now 3 years is a very reasonable amount of time to assess whether you are compatible life partners. From what you have described, I see a man who really does not want to get married -- you proposed, he said yes, but the fall of 2012 is "rushing into it?" That's a red flag for me right there. It sounds like he is torn because he clearly wants to be with you; likes what you have, but is petrified of the commitment. You had to propose to him and you bought the ring -- more red flags.

I would suggest to you that pushing this man in the direction of marriage is a mistake. He may be a risk averse type, may want to keep his options open. I think the decision is yours -- if you find the status quo to be unacceptable, meaning you really really want to get married and start a family -- then you may want to cut your losses and start again. Easier said than done I know, if you care enough about him to want to marry him. I would sit him down and discuss his reticence with him, to evaluate whether he's just not ready now, or if he will never be ready. Good luck,

yes i am a female and yes we are in our 20s. and thats what i was thinking. i have been told a time or two to tell him i want to be married by a particular time and if he cant do that then to go else where. i do love him. and i am torn between leaving and not. thank you very much

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Report This| Share this:Marriageyes i am a female and yes we are in our 20s. and thats what i was thinking. i have been told a time or two to tell him i want to be married by a particular time and if he cant do that then to go else where. i do love him. and i am torn between leaving and not. thank you very much

I asked because you bought him the ring. You shouldn't have done that. The fact that he didn't buy you a ring should have told you straight up that he wasn't on the same page as yourself.

You probably should leave and fine someone that will treat you right. If he wanted to marry you he would have gotten you the ring.

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Report This| Share this:MarriageI asked because you bought him the ring. You shouldn't have done that. The fact that he didn't buy you a ring should have told you straight up that he wasn't on the same page as yourself.

You probably should leave and fine someone that will treat you right. If he wanted to marry you he would have gotten you the ring.

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