Be the change you hope to see in the world.

I’ve started writing this post a few different times and each time, I couldn’t find the right way to start it. I’d start writing and then hit “delete” time after time because the words I was trying to say just didn’t seem to be coming out right.

I guess we should start with the backstory. I was in two very serious relationships before marrying Zach. I dated a guy in high school for two years and a guy in college for two years. Both of these guys were from my high school and we had a lot of mutual friends prior to even dating. My high school boyfriend and I broke up because I was going to college and he was a year younger. Neither of us saw it being “forever” and even though I loved him, we knew breaking up was the best thing for both of us. Clean break. That was the end, and everything was fine.

Well unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my ex from college. For whatever reason, I became a target when we broke up. Friends that I had met through him, friends that were my friends first, friends that we had made together… all seemed to turn on me. It became a game to them, when little did they know I was hurting more than I ever could have imagined. Not only because of the break-up, but because of how they were treating me.

To make things easier on myself, I “unfriended” anyone on Facebook that I saw being a potential gateway to my ex. I “unfriended” mutual friends, guys in his fraternity, girls in my sorority, etc. Did I want to “unfriend” these people in real life? Of course not. But I found myself looking for things on Facebook that had to do with my ex; I’d look for pictures or comments or wall posts and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was torturing myself and driving myself crazy. I needed to get over him and seeing what party he was at or what bar he was frequenting was not good for me at all.

Well apparently, this made me “dramatic”, “pathetic”, “crazy” and more. I began hearing about conversations people were having about me. I began seeing code names and inside jokes and basically, it was the beginning of cyber bulling. For whatever reason, these people found it their goal to make my life a living hell on top of the pain I was feeling from the break-up. I’m not sure why and to this day, I’m not even sure I will ever understand why I fell victim to such hurtful words and actions.

This continued for a few years after the break-up. A few years. And who knows, it may very well still be going on but fortunately, I can’t see it because I am no longer friends with these people. Can you imagine logging onto Facebook everyday for two years and fearing you’d see something terrible written about you? Or having a friend call you and tell you that you were being ripped apart on someone’s wall? It sucked. And the worst part? This happened in college… when I was old enough to somewhat handle it graciously.

But what about the children in middle school and high school who are falling victim to the same sorts of bullying or cyber bullying everyday? Or the suicides that happen because the individual can’t take it anymore and feels there’s no other way around it but to kill themselves? I am in no way comparing the magnitude of my cyber bullying experience to those who feel suicide is the only way out because that never once crossed my mind. But luckily, I was old enough and mature enough to rationalize through the feelings and hurtful words. I’m not saying I didn’t cry time and time again, but I’m saying I was able to work through the hurt and frustration and carry on with my life. Others may not be so lucky.

We can all afford to be a little kinder; I remember hearing a story about a young boy who was going to kill himself over the weekend because of bullies… until one brave little boy befriended him and saved him. You never know how fragile someone may be or how much they need you in a moment. Take a second to reach out to those who may need help or make it a priority to be a little kinder. You never know what someone’s story may be…and you can change the course of their lives without even knowing it.

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Cyber bullying is a real problem among youth these days, especially among young girls. The Kind Campaign encourages kindness and raises money to fund anti-bullying programs in schools around the US. You can find out more information on the cause here.