Tour guide: We have to take a different road to Nairobi, because the President might be entering or leaving the city, and it could delay us by several minutes… or hours.
T: Okay. Is he giving a speech for Kenyan Independence Day?
Tour guide: No, he’s just wasting our time.

Kim: So, will you be in contact on your phone while you’re on safari?
T: Probably not…
Kim: Will you email us?
T: Well, I don’t know how much internet access there’ll be.
Kim: Please send us an itinerary, at least.
T: I didn’t send you an itinerary when I went to Nepal.
Kim: Quite.
T: Did you send us an itinerary when you went to Cannes?
Kim: No, but this is AFRICA!
T: Dude, I’m from Africa!
Kim: I’m just trying to antagonise you.
T: Ja, I know you are; believe me, I’m antagonised.

As mentioned below, I´ve decided to go on holiday next week. Why? Well, it´s been a while. Also, just because I can. Owing the spontaneous nature of my decision, choices were fairly limited. As it is, I´ve picked somewhere supercool that adheres to all the constraints below:

1. I don´t need a visa or can get one at the border/airport;
2. I can afford it without declaring bankruptcy;
3. It will be okay to travel alone;
4. I´ve never been there before; and
5. It´s going to be Absolutely Fabulous.

Can anyone guess where I´ll be going? Tacky souvenir to the first person with the correct answer. And you´re automatically disqualified if I´ve already told you, sorry. I´ll post my destination tomorrow evening; lucky, or rather educated, guesses in the comment box below, please.