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I've had coaches push me harder. They have told me to shut up and train, to keep pushing, to stop slacking off, they have told me to try again and again and again even when I wanted to give up. That is all constructive. I've only had one instructor tell me I was stupid. I warned him and he didn't stop. That was the last time I ever trained with him.

Hey Don,

That's all I'm sayin......, it's a different kind of relationship, there are no warranties and no guarantees. But, you (most people) know when they're being abused. Abuse is different from simply not getting what you expected you were paying for......

But, the reason I'm suggesting you leave is that you mentioned twice that you don't consider the sensei very good. Whether they're not good, or its just your perspective, then you're wasting your time with them. Its going to get in the way of your training, and none of us have time to waste on bad practice.

(There's a whole lot of caveats and extra explanations I want to add on to that, but I'll leave it for now)

Train well

Tim

If one makes a distinction between the dojo and the battlefield, or being in your bedroom or in public, then when the time comes there will be no opportunity to make amends. (Hagakure)

Actually, I would ask that details that may identify the specifics about situations like this be kept out of the Anonymous forum, as I do not want this section of the forums to become a place for such.

Let's discuss the issues instead, shall we?

Thank you,

-- Jun

I agree with Jun. We should all be very carefull when addressing issues involving individuals over the internet, especially presented by annonymous contributers. It is a wonderfull thing to give advise to try to help one an other, none the less we need to maintain care. We owe it to the future.

Since I had the same reaction as Nick:
Sexism as such is not funny, a mildly* sexist joke that is conscious of its own sexism can indeed be funny, especially in the context of a serious discussion about a teacher's bad moods that does not take the teacher's gender into account (and rightfully so).
[*] 'mildly' because it does refer to a stereotype, but does not imply female inferiority.

Since I had the same reaction as Nick:
Sexism as such is not funny, a mildly* sexist joke that is conscious of its own sexism can indeed be funny, especially in the context of a serious discussion about a teacher's bad moods that does not take the teacher's gender into account (and rightfully so).
[*] 'mildly' because it does refer to a stereotype, but does not imply female inferiority.

Thanks a lot Joep! I still can't believe it was necessary.....
I will remember next time to attach very detailed explanation to avoid being sued as a sexy aikidoka...eegrrr..I mean sexist aikidoka

You're welcome! Although to be perfectly honest, it wasn't THAT obvious. I had to take into account the context of the thread, your posting style in other threads, the winking smiley (instead of just smiling) and the fact that you posted just that one sentence. But my respect to you for exploring the limits of internet communication!

To be honest I had the same thought.... so nope not offended here. its a plain fact some of us can be a bit over the top sometimes and I fall right in that category. Still such a thing is no excuse to mistreat and bully a student, were it the case.

Then how many years of aikido experience does one need to have before being able to evaluate a teacher?

After about one year of practice I had to move to another town and started at a new dojo.

It was horrible:
The new sensei being a higher rank than my old sensei wasn't as good, or knew as much.

He didn't know how to do kote gaeshi right.
He couldn't do proper ikkyo omote. Just a caricature.
He even talked while bowing!

Today I myself most often use both hands when doing kote gaeshi.
I explain and show my students why it is not very usefull to swing one's arm behind the hip when doing ikkyo omote.
And I myself say "onegai shimasu" or "domo arigato gozaimashita" while bowing.
And I know that the grades of the organization I started with and the grades of the one I belonged to after one year can't be compared.

Well, maybe about seven years?

Quote:

And what advice would you give to people who want to begin training in aikido and have several dojos to choose from? How can they evaluate the teaches in those dojos?

Probably she has picked up on it by now that you are displeased. She is definitely feeling the disrespect coming from you and Aikido respect is so very very very important because of a lot of reasons! My instructor told me "when a student doesn't want to learn from you you can see it in their eyes." I was told once "you can either bring out the best in people or you can bring out the worst in people." In Aikido we try to direct people where we want them to go. Maybe you can try a little Aikidoesque behavior in this situation.

I know you are offended by her remarks, and personal comments seem so very out of place to me in a dojo, but at least she is communicating something to you! Because she is not totally ignoring you makes me think there could be hope!

I can't hesitate a guess on what she is trying to convey in these remarks, Definitely telling you you are not intelligent is a ridiculous statement to make, but it's up to you to find a tactful way of approaching her on the subject.

Taking into consideration that you have probably already offended her I suggest you do something totally non intuitive to you and start being super respectful and super helpful in the dojo. Look sharp, call her Sensei, look attentive. The reason is because you are getting more disgruntled so she is probably liking you less and less, the objective is to even things out so she can see you in the best possible light.

Get to class early, get out the broom first, show her you are super enthusiastic. While doing this try to engage her in some conversation. Show her that you are really excited about what she is doing and want the hear how she learned about Aikido, how to start a dojo, etc...

Cease all talking about her, except good things, to other students. Surely she knows you have been talking behind her back. Instead of digging for the dirt on her, dig for the good things. Talk to the sr. students about why they like it and what she has done to impress them.

Hopefully, by listening to her story and her challenges, you will start to understand where she is coming from and why she is saying what she does say. Who knows? You might be surprised by what she has to say and it could be very illuminating. She may learn more about you and you about her. That could really help your relationship with her. Ask her for some honest feedback on your performance, and what specifically she can tell you that will help. It's important that nothing come across as critisism.

My suggestion, try to keep an open mind, be positive, and try to look for the good. It is challenging, putting aside your feelings about her stemming from remarks she has made and you may find you still can't stay there, but at least you now know what your exact situation is and you gave it your best shot.

First of, I think that many people posted helpful advice posted. There are a lot of 2cents that you can gather from that, you might even make a dollar

In my dojo I had a similar situation in that I had almost lost trust in Sensei and really had to dig deep to validate me still going there to study. Although Sensei never degrades thestudents I and other some other students found that we were getting more annoyed and annoyed at Sensei's style of teaching. We al wanted to stay because we knew Sensei knows much, can still teach us a lot and because training with each other is great fun, but we felt that mat time wasn't used effectively eg. Sensei talked a lot! I discussed this with my closest friends from the dojo and we also discussed this with Sensei's assistants adding to that the question that the assistants please discuss this with Sensei. In the end we were tolled that Sensei had his bad periods and this was one of them. Today the atmosphere in the dojo on all levels is good again and I believe that everybody has re-enrolled for the next season.

Long story short: my 2 cents is that you talk to the assistant(s) regarding your troubles. It feels good to be heard, they might know something you don't or maybe they totally agree with you and although you cannot change Sensei's personality, you can hope change Sensei's behaviour, albeit in small incremental steps

Oh, and regarding the degrading remarks, I think that that's a big no-no in the dojo. There are times when tenkan works best, but I think that irimi is at its place in this situation, but remember that irimi can also be gentle

My doce pesos. She probably dislikes men, and tolerates a certain type of passive easily dominated and controllable males. She may be threatened by any other type of male. Since you and your buddies don't fit her profiling, she wants you out of her dojo.

Then how many years of aikido experience does one need to have before being able to evaluate a teacher?

You can evaluate a teacher after 5 minutes in their class, I'm sure.
I went to a kung-fu class and within about 9 minutes I thought he (instructor) was one of the biggest idiots I've met in a while.

On the other hand I had an old boss who I thought was a fool.
After knowing him about 10 years I started really seeing his leadership style and method of teaching (and what he accomplished long term) and it blew me away. I thought he was an idiot because I was looking at short term when he was operating long term.

Year of Aikido critiquing someone who might have 15 or 20? Dunno.

Quote:

And what advice would you give to people who want to begin training in aikido and have several dojos to choose from? How can they evaluate the teaches in those dojos?

Distance from your house.
Quality of the dojo.
Price.
Atmosphere of the class.
Maturity of the students and teachers.
Quality of instruction.
Quality of senior students.

Would you prefer a school with a happy go lucky friendly sensei who doesn't take training that that seriously or would you go to a school where as the sensei is a prick and has the social skills of a wolverine but really knows how to handle himself in a fight (and passes it on to students)?

Your sensei should appreciate your presence in her dojo; if she is spiritually unhealthy and can lose her temper for issues outside of the aiki-topic, then she should read more and practise more. Buy her a good present, a book on the philosophy of Aikido (I'd recommend Transparent Power by Yukiyoshi Sagawa) so that she can develop into a better sense. That will be your step inwards.

Be a change agent. Make her respect your and all the other students' rights, bolstering your position with O'sensei's words: "Aikido is true democracy" - which implies that oppression or disrespect towards each other is not acceptable.

If you don't succeed to redirect her aggression, go away - think tenkan.