Validation: Why do we all need it?

Lately I’ve noticed many people asking “Why?”; Why do you like/love me? Why do you want to be in my life? Why this, why that. And I’m wondering why we need to ask why? Ok, so I realize how silly that is. I want to know why people want to know why. But seriously, what has happened in our society that we constantly seek validation from others?

Can we not be secure enough in our relationships (friendships, family, intimate, etc.) without seeking that constant affirmation? What has society done to us as a species? I cannot understand why me saying “I like/love you” is not enough for the person to be content or secure in the relationship. Do the reasons I like you really matter? Wouldn’t it be more productive to ask what I don’t like about you? Then you could work on those things to better yourself! Right? For instance, if a friend says, “I don’t like the way you treat your mom”, that could be a chance for you to reevaluate the relationship with your mother and your actions could be adjusted to improve the relationship.

I’m not suggesting going to your friend and giving them a laundry list of things to fix. I’m talking about really considering what that person could do that will lead to greater happiness and fulfillment for them. Things that will improve their relationship with you and with others in their life.

Human interaction is inevitable and we all have issues with those interactions that cause us stress. Why spend so much time stressing over why someone likes you? Accept their “I love you” and be content with the fact that they do. I blame social media for the constant need for validation. People constantly seek attention on social media hoping to see how many “likes” they get, how many shares or comments or whatever. It’s all so pointless to me. I personally use social media like Facebook and Instagram. But I rarely worry about who likes what I post. I post things to either show my family my children’s accomplishments or to share my thoughts on a topic. Never have I thought “Gosh, I really hope I get at least 20 likes on this picture”. And I have never felt less beautiful if my picture only got 2 likes (most likely my sister and my mom!).

I just worry that our society is so worried about pleasing everyone else, that we are losing sight of what truly matters. Our happiness should come from within, not from the validation of others. If you don’t like me, well that’s your issue, not mine. If you would like to offer a constructive piece of advice, I will surely take it into consideration. Perhaps you see something in me that needs to be changed or reevaluated. I will surely appreciate anything like that. But I’m not going to question why someone likes me. I’m going to be happy with the fact that they do.

Happiness from others should only be the icing on top of the happiness cake you already baked for yourself!

One Reply to “Validation: Why do we all need it?”

It is funny that you wrote this today because it totally tied into a conversation we had. I told you something you said made me sad and you decided to not tell me any more because it is so hard to accept. I can be sad for you and still hear what you have to say. I know does not really reflect validation but it does reflect our human nature….to protect, to feel needed, to want validation to our goodness.(Sorry all this is too long.)