Anecdotes of a Hotel Night Auditor

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Drunk People Are Assholes, But The Bagels Are Pretty Good

If you are going to be an asshole, at least be an asshole for a good reason. I just got off the phone with a guest who had a shuttle scheduled to pick her up from the airport at midnight. Her flight was delayed, and the shuttle driver was sitting in the lobby waiting for her to call when she landed. All I know for sure is, I didn’t schedule the shuttle for this guest, if I did, I would have mentioned that she had to call when she landed. The phone call I had to deal with was irritating. The woman on the phone had a nasty, entitled, angry, ghetto, gone off the deep end, ready to wreck you, I don’t give a rats ass, attitude.

I answered the phone in my usual professional manner. Nothing but rage was on the other end.

“I was supposed to have a shuttle picking me up as soon as my plane landed! Am I supposed to take a cab now?!”

Feel free to use your imagination, and make her sound like the most unreasonably outraged person you have ever spoken to.

“OK, you are at the airport now? I will have the shuttle…” She cut me off.

“Why is it not here yet? Can you explain this to me? What reason is there for you to make me worry like this?”

“Ma’am, I assure you there is no need to worry. The shuttle driver is…” She cut me off again.

“Why the hell is it not here?”

“We were waiting for your call. When your flight lands, you are supposed to call the hotel to let us know that you landed. The driver is on his way…” Yup, she cut me off again.

“I was told when I made the reservation, that all I had to do was give you my flight information, and you would track it!”

Since some of our other desk attendants sometimes rush through scheduling these shuttles, and they always go over the top when being agreeable with guests, it is very likely that one of the two desk attendants, who by the way, also works for the Fairgrounds hotel, my former employer, failed to mention the need for them to call when they landed, because they want the guest to have the impression that we will be giving them full service that goes above and beyond the guests expectations, and one of them probably did promise that we would track the flights, leaving the guest with no worries about when they will be picked up. Unfortunately, no matter how much these other employees want to be as agreeable as possible, that is not how we do things here, and all they did was create a hassle for me to deal with. In this case, an angry drunk who’s response to everything I say is to interrupt me, while scolding me for her own stupid confusion.

“Ma’am, I promise, your shuttle is on it’s…”

“Listen! I was told you were tracking my flight! Now what do I do?”

“I am sending the driver…” She wasn’t even listening to me. She just continued her rant.

“Huh? You tell me what happens next. Do I get my shuttle, or will I be forced to call a cab?”

I had enough of her attitude. I actually raised my voice.

“If you will just stop interrupting me, I will explain it all to you.”

“Explain it to me? Explain what? That you can’t do what you say…” I cut her off.

“Let me ask you this, do you want my help?” There was a brief moment of silence.

“I need a ride. Dammit!”

“Well then you are in luck because my driver left to pick you up as soon as I answered your call. He will be there any moment. Please go to the hub that says, shuttle pick up/drop off. He will be there any minute now.”

“Where the hell is that?”

“It’s is right outside the airport. All you have to do is walk outside, and look for the sign.”

Well, I’m walking out the door right now, and I don’t see it. Where is it?”

“I am sure if you step outside, and you look up, you will see the sign. If you can’t see it, I am willing to bet there are plenty of security people around to point you in the right direction. I look forward to seeing you in about 10 minutes. Have a safe, and pleasant ride.”

“But I am still looking for the spot.”

I hung up the phone. It is not my job to talk drunk people through every step it takes to look for a sign.

The driver dropped her off, and carried her luggage to the desk while she stumbled her way out of the van.

“This lady is drunk. She just got off a plane from Vegas, and she is shit faced.”

The woman entered the hotel with a huge grin on her face.

“You are the guy I just talked to on the phone, aren’t you? I can tell. It’s a thing I do. I can tell people’s voices.”

“I am sure you can, but I am also the only employee here at night, so…. Are you ready to check in?”

I had her reservation open with her paperwork ready to go. She was being nice all of a sudden.

“I have been staying at this hotel since it was built.”

She stared at me with a grin, giving me the feeling I was expected to find that interesting, and maybe congratulate her?

“Sweet! Well I already have you checked in, so just fill out the paper, and I will have you out-of-the-way in no time.” I said with a big smile on my face, wondering if she caught how rude what I just said was.

I pointed at all of the highlighted spots on the paperwork, then I shoved the key in front of her, and walked into the office. I also made myself a bagel with cream cheese, and poured myself a cup of coffee. The coffee sucks, but the bagel is pretty good.