Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic tells us: "Until I pointed it out, my other half use to hang out the washing making sure that both pegs were the same colour. Now she goes out of her way to make sure they never match." Tell us about bizarre rituals, habits and OCD-like behaviour.

Weird things I say
A few rhymes/sayings that I always recite and make sure I do so, without fail:

When my dog farts:Naughty dog, smelly dog, go outside and lay a log

Putting my daughter to bed:Coconut head, coconut head, my little tiny baby has a coconut head. She’s got bananas for arms and bananas for legs, but my little tiny baby has a coconut head This can only be sung if she’s lying in her cot, I won’t sing it in any other location. Not sure why.

When the missus is applying make-up in the bedroom: Here I go, I’m gonna pat the boobies. Sneaking ‘round the back, to pat me some boobies. Up come my hands, to pat the boobies. I better get a grope before she kicks my goolies (She hates this)

When her phone rings I always say ‘Your phone is ringing’, even if she is holding it

If I walk into the pub with my brother: Bounce, bounce, bounce on the ground, you get a table, I’ll get a round. What do you want, you cunt?

Upon seeing a magpie:Hello Mr. Magpie, how are you today? How are your wife and children? Apologies if you’re a female magpie Always followed with a salute

Greeting my mums’ two cats (Yeti and Snowy) and the sheepdog Heidi – sung to the tune of Moloko’s ‘Bring it Back’:Yeti’s white, Snowy’s black, Heidi’s both, but she’s not a cat

When descending stairs, I alternate the words ‘Bomp’ and ‘Splat’ in my head with each step. If I'm at home, I never look into the mirror at the bottom of the stairs in case I see a figure pass by on the landing behind me

Whenever I hear the ‘tax doesn’t have to be taxing’ bit of the related advert, I always add ‘But it helps’.

You are clearly....
....a genius! Keep doing this, you'll make the best most entertaining granddad in the world!

ps: I'm stealing "Bounce, bounce, bounce on the ground, you get a table, I’ll get a round. What do you want, you cunt? ", as it's a work of literary perfection.
(NoveltyCondomHeadClanks Wams., Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:15,
closed)

I keep coming back to this post, it's great
And I just know I'm going to end up going 'bomp splat'

This made me smile because it's magic, I liked it so much that I'll give it a click, and I think to myself - what a wonderful post.
(Cloudane, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:28,
closed)

Thank You
For extra fun, it helps if you shuffle down the stairs on your backside - the 'bomp' and 'splat' seem to sound better this way.
(Monkey the ChickenTwitter: death_stairs, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 13:02,
closed)

You git.
"Upon seeing a magpie:Hello Mr. Magpie, how are you today? How are your wife and children? Apologies if you’re a female magpieAlways followed with a salute"