Hawaii Five-0: Mansushi is a thing

You know it's a one true pairing if Moonlight can wear that hat and Caano still loves him. (Norman Shapiro/CBS)

“Trawling is not fishing. That is you just driving around in a boat, just like you driving my car. There’s no goal. There’s no mission. We are just fishing. We relax. We have a couple of laughs. Maybe we catch a fish, maybe we do not.”

drum drum drum DATE NIGHT!

Moonlight and Caano are on a boat. They’re on a boat. They got their swim trucks. And their flippie floppies. The cover story is that they’re going to catch Caano’s first tuna. The truth is they’re drinking beer and talking about their relationship. Moonlight goes to great pains to explain that yes, Carmen is looking for Doris; no, she is not his girlfriend. He strings together enough syllables to non answer they have a “thing.” He’s saved when Caano actually gets a bite on his line. Moonlight yells at him to set the hook.

“STOP the back seat fishing!”

“CAN I HAVE SOMETHING OF MY OWN?!?”

Caano reels in his “tune-y fish” and refuses to smile for a picture on the grounds that it’s not manly. As he ices down the fish, Moonlight spots a stranded dingy. I hope they have plenty of silver, because the guy signaling for help is totally a shapeshifter. They motor over and take the man onboard. He forces Moonlight and Caano into the water, shoots the dingy, and drives away with their boat. McG quickly sets to work plugging the holes using tubing from the gas can. Then he and Caano engage in a rapidly-deflating-dingy-gument over whether or not they are sinking and/or stranded and just how much Moonlight is actually enjoying this.

“Hey, I was happy sitting at home on my couch in my underwear watching the Jets, okay? But, no. You wanted me to catch a tune-y fish.” That part was fun. “The boatjacking, not so much.” Moonlight ties a rope around himself and begins towing them back to shore. They make steady progress until Caano feels something bump up under the bottom of the dingy. Blah blah SHARK! GET IN THE BOAT! SHAAAAAAARK! blah. Moonlight climbs back in. It’s not a boat, it’s a dingy.

“Even in the face of death, you are annoying.”

“Who else on the Planet Earth could turn a nice relaxing day of fishing into a boatjacking and a shark encounter!”

Maybe you could stop being so negative and help Moonlight out with his cramp wink wink nudge nudge. Or maybe Moonlight can jump back in the water. The shark might be better company.

“Then go swimming with the tiger shark! But do me a favor, if comes near you, punch him. I don’t want to be the one to tell you sister you ended up man sushi.”

Man. Sushi. That just happened.

Danny finally breaks down and reveals the childhood trauma that caused him to hate the water. His best friend Billy drowned while trying to help him out of a riptide. They found his body three miles down the coast. That’s a very sad story. I think you should comfort Danny now, Steven.

Carmen gets worried when McDanno are three hours late getting back. Jin tracks the boat – his uncle’s – using the GPS. They find the shapeshifter’s bloody shirt and pull a print from the boarding ladder. They should be glad that’s all they find.

Some time later, Moonlight and Caano float up to another boat captained by a very dead body. It looks like their jacker was fleeing a crime scene. Caano begins manhandling evidence, prompting a crime-scene-gument. As Moonlight tries to get the seized engines running, they’re intercepted by a Coast Guard patrol boat … and promptly placed under arrest.

“This is awesome. What else wrong do you think could happen? Maybe if we’re lucky, they’ll have a trial at sea. And they’ll make us walk the plank.”

By the time Danny is done his tongue lashing, the misunderstanding is resolved. There’s been a rash of boatjackings. The Coast Guard suspects Tongan pirates, so naturally when they saw Caano and Moonlight, they just assumed. Naturally. Carmen and Jin are waiting for them when they get back to shore. Carmen greets Moonlight with a hug. Caano breezes by them. He’s fine too. Nothing happened out there while they were stranded and totally about to die. Nothing that hasn’t already been written about in dozens of slashfics.

And then Max appears out of nowhere with an offer to slather Danny with aloe.

He’d be very gentle. “Apply liberally.”

I swear Peter Lenkov trolls Live Journal for material. While Max processes the crime scene, Boomer interviews the victim’s wife and sister. Libby from Lost and Anna the angel from Supernatural. Show just hit my fandom trifecta. So, Libby gave Desmond the boat after her husband died. He husband dies in this episode on a boat. Are we in the past? IS MY NOSE BLEEDING? Thank goodness for Jin-Ho. Jin is my constant. He and Boomer stake out Gil the shapeshifting suspect’s apartment. As they wait, Jin asks Boomer how things are with Adam. It quickly turns into a low grade interrogation. Oh, he’s on a business trip. He’s legitimate now. “Is that what he’s telling you?” Boomer quietly insists that Adam Namor the Sub-Mariner is a good guy, and oh PS TOTALLY SAVED HER LIFE THANKS FOR ASKING. Jin is just as insistent that his father was the head of the Yakuza. “It’s the family business.” Saving Killing people. Hunting Killing things people. Adam might not let anything happen to her, but he’s not the one Jin is worried about. Boomer stomps off. She’s getting an coffee. An angry, bitter my boyfriend is not a criminal coffee. Naturally, that is the moment Gil returns from his grocery run. Gil makes Jin and races up the stairs of his apartment building to the roof. Then he hits Jin with a shovel and knocks him over the edge. EEP!!! NOOOOO!!!

Boomer comes back from her angry beverage run, sees that the car is empty and notes the fallen produce across the street. Also on the shopping list – yogurt and spray cheese. Just as she pulls out her phone to call Jin, his badge clatters to the pavement in front of her. Jin is dangling several stories above. She charges up the stairs and I wondered how a girl who weighs a buck-ten dripping wet was going to hoist a man twice her size to safety. And then I was like, ‘Oh yeah, she’s a Cylon.’ But first, she has to deal with Gil. She catches him as he comes down the stairs, beats holy Hell out of him, handcuffs him to a railing, and totally saves Jin. BAMF!!

Moonlight and Caano question Gil, but Jin turns up evidence that points to a set up by Libby. Her husband was pursuing a divorce, and their pre-nup would have left her with nothing. Gil was just the patsy. Caano gets it. “Love definitely makes you do some crazy things.” Cue the pointed look from Mansushi. “I personally would draw the line at murder, but I am not a romantic like you, Gilbert.” Gil calls Libby at puts her on speaker. Moonlight and Caano listen as she growls at Gil to stick to the plan. Anna overhears the conversation too. She’s down to get her smite on. The team arrive at Libby’s house just as shots are fired. Anna walks out with the gun in her hand. “She killed my brother.”

We transition from the murder scene to a happy gathering at Kamakona’s shrimp truck. He’s made a heaping platter of poke from Danny’s tuna. Wait, did he just say it’s poking time? I’m pretty sure he said it’s poking time. Caano declares his fishing career over.

“Perhaps you’d enjoy bone fishing.”

THAT’S WHAT HE SAID! Seriously, is Max flirting with Danny? Caano’s pompadour brings all the boys to the yard. Moonlight leans in and extends his beer in a quiet, private toast. “To Billy Selway.” Sorry, Max. You’re going to have to step up your game.

This is Whitney inviting you to be with us next week. Be here, Monday at 9:00 p.m. on CBS. Aloha.