G,I'm a middle aged straight guy. I feel exactly the same as you. Being abused took way too much of my life to deal with. I, too, missed out on lots of life. It seems that this theme occurs to CSA victims, regardless of sexual identity.

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I have left this site and am no longer a member to those who I met while here I wish you well I no longer reside in my own past but have moved on and facing what is now and what is ahead. My past no longer defines me, and it does not effect the course of who I am and my future.

For me, similar to you Geoff, the question is, "Where do I want to live?" My CSA totally fucked up my school, athletics, career. I lost what self-confidence I'd started to build as a teenager, home abuse notwithstanding. It's taken a lifetime to rebuild it (hey, I was in a running club in my 30s and got to re-experience the whole team thing doing 5K and 10K runs). I'm less inclined to live in what-could-have-been since it doesn't help me with today. But it's still there and I acknowledge it. For one, it's part of what makes Lancer Lancer.

I guess I'm talking integration.

Nor do I like living in comparisons. But it happens. Living in a gayborhood, the inevitable physical comparisons with 20-somethings come up. But, forgive me guys, I was pretty clueless about a lot of stuff in my 20s (for one, bought a house in a bad neighborhood and was broken into a couple times before I sold it). In my 30s it was about showing off my material stuff to demonstrate I'd "arrived".

Today I usually don't care. I'm just me. And with the benefit of perspective, I have a good general idea of the younger guys' mindset. Nor do I have any desire to emulate my older midlife crisis compadres who try to wear lo-rise or skinny jeans...or who have to have the latest iPhone/iPad incarnation.Strange thing is, by being just Lancer, I'm cool anyway! (tho' I DO dress more like Justin Long...umm...501s thankyew)

Hey guys this is great thread. Being bi, gay, straight or asexual it doesn't matter.

Only what matters is finding love and acceptance toward ourselves.Life and time is passing with speed, we can't change past and lost opportunities but we can have this current moments and make new ones, let's use it in full

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