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i miss him

My husband is in the army a while ago he got hurt and got to come home which was exciting not the getting hurt part but getting to see him. But sadly they sent him back because he just broke a few bones nothing to bad.
He's been back there for a while and I miss him I got to talk to him last night because they told him hes gotta check on his baby.Last night i cried all night about not being able to kiss him how can i feel better and not be depressed.

answers (12)

Oceanna, I'm a SAHM and my husband was away the entire first year of my son's life. He's set to go overseas again for six months starting next month. We've been together for...um....since 1994, you do the math. We've spent just about as much time apart as we have together. Point is, I know where you're coming from. The best advice I can give you is the GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I make it a rule to leave the house once a day. Doesn't matter what you're doing, even if it's just a walk around the block, GET OUT. Get moving. DO SOMETHING. If you sit in the living room feeling sorry for yourself, you're just going to keep doing that - and that's really bad. The second piece of advice is to find an adctivity. Join a mommy's group. Become active in the women's group associated with your husbandy's unit. I don't know Army politics, but I do know that each unit has a wife who's de facto head of spouses. You should know who she is: contact her and say you want to get involved. Tell her you're lonely and need help/a friendly voice. That's what she's there for; it will NOT reflect upon your husband's job. I know it sucks not having him there, but the more of a life you create for YOURSELF, the more independent you make YOURSELF, the less time you'll have to reflect on how much you miss him. And bonus: the more you'll have to tell him when he comes back or calls. Nothing's worse than a three minute phone call where you don't have anything to say to him. You're gonna be okay.

Another thought, and I'm sorry I forgot it the first time around: Something else that helps me when my husband is away is to do things that *I* enjoy doing, which he doesn't. For example: my husband hates eggs. The smell of them cooking can make him sick, and he won't eat them for breakfast at all. Me, I love eggs, cooked any number of ways. So when he's away, I have eggs for breakfast. Not every day, but often enough. It becomes a treat/consolation prize: "Hurrah! You're going away! Omelettes tomorrow morning!" It doesn't have to be eggs for you, obviously: but maybe you really love the really corny high school chick flicks, and all he does is make fun of them. He's away! Rent them! Watch them! Love the corn! None of my suggestions are going to make you stop missing him, and frankly, that's not the point. What they WILL do is give you something ELSE to focus on. By keeping yourself busy, by enjoying the time to yourself and using it productively, by indulging in the things you love to do, it will make the time go much faster, until you're looking at the calendar and thinking, "Damn! He's back next week! I still have PLANS." (Which, him being in the Army, you simply save for next time.)

well your ideas are better then mine i sit around looking at his pictures crying and i got so upset and so worried that i had to go to the doc and get something to calm me down because my friend was saying that her husband who is also in iraq called her and was saying they were busy there and i thought about him and how much he goes threw for me and his little girlie caitlyn and then i felt like if he gets hurt i would go crazy and all that

I've been doing LDRs for a very, very long time, so if my ideas are better it's because I've gotten a lot of practice! Look, I'm going to be hard for a moment. STOP sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. You are not the only person who's going through this. STOP looking at his picture all the time; he's not dead, he's just away for work. He's coming back. STOP thinking about him being in Iraq, and if that means not watching the news, then DON'T watch the news. I had a very strict rule with my family that they were not allowed to tell me about the news they saw unless I brought it up first, and the few who broke that rule got reamed out by both my husband and me. (Like my mother-in-law calling to say, "I saw the news and there was an explosion but no Americans were killed today, wasn't that great?" I'd only been awake for ten minutes and didn't have a clue what she was talking about - argh!) DON'T think about him getting hurt. Mark the day he's coming home with his unit on the calendar and work toward that. GET BUSY. TURN OFF THE COMPUTER. Go call someone. Take Caitlyn outside. Go walk around the block, walk in the mall, call the head spouse of your unit or whatever she's called, volunteer at the community center, arrange a playgroup for the other babies in the unit. Remember this: YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON GOING THROUGH THIS. This is the big advantage of the Army, it's got a fantastic support structure for the families at home. Use it. That's what it's there for. I guarantee there is at least one other mom in this unit who is feeling the same way you are. Find her, and support each other.

Im a very busy person, I have atleast 2 playdates with my sister and her little girl. I go for walks with caitlyn and take her outside to play all the time. We go to parks and visit my friends that have babies her age. Im in a mommy and me class with caitlyn and a group for moms that have husbands in the army. I try to think hes coming home to be with me and his baby and i just start to cry. But he hates pumpkin anything and i love pumpkin everything so when he goes away i get pumpkin pie and pumpkin roll and everything eles that i don't normally get when hes around. And another thing that helps me is dancing in pjs to all the songs he hates i know im a freak but oh well i love it.

Im a very busy person, I have atleast 2 playdates with my sister and her little girl. I go for walks with caitlyn and take her outside to play all the time. We go to parks and visit my friends that have babies her age. Im in a mommy and me class with caitlyn and a group for moms that have husbands in the army. I try to think hes coming home to be with me and his baby and i just start to cry. But he hates pumpkin anything and i love pumpkin everything so when he goes away i get pumpkin pie and pumpkin roll and everything eles that i don't normally get when hes around. And another thing that helps me is dancing in pjs to all the songs he hates i know im a freak but oh well i love it.

That's all good -that sounds like you're doing stuff already to keep busy. It's not how it seemed in your first or second post, though, so I'm sorry if my harshness came out wrong. Originally, it sounded as if ALL you did was sit around and mope, but clearly that's not the case. It's okay to be sad about him being away. Heck, it's the natural reaction. I'm not even saying that you should NEVER think about him; that'd be impossible as well as stupid. I'm saying you shouldn't let it start to take over your life. You said the doctor gave you meds to help the depression; are they really helping? Does talking to the group with the other Army wives help?

That's good that it helps sometimes. During the times it doesn't help, though - do you feel it coming on, the idea that "hey, this conversation is NOT HELPING, not me, and not the other participants"? If so, can you extract yourself from those conversations gracefully? (Bathroom break, baby break, "I'll just go refill my coffee", whatever.) Don't be rude, but you have to have some sense of self-preservation, too. And if you think the conversation is making BOTH of you feel bad - then maybe suggest it. "Look, this isn't making either of us feel better and it's not a productive topic right now. Let's talk about something else today, okay? We'll discuss this another time. How about that local sports team?"

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