Thursday, August 2, 2012

Today I'd like to share this bracelet, which was sent in by Beth (thank you, Beth!). Her husband got it after being treated at an outpatient surgicenter:

Now, I don't know about you guys, but I don't find this particularly reassuring. Granted, the word "excellent" is pretty overused these days, but still. They might as well write "Our goal is anything above mediocre care" or "Our goal is to avoid being on Fail Blog." I mean, this is surgery for crap's sake. I don't think "very good," even when all capitalized, sounds especially comforting.

I could probably go on with a whole post about how many resources are wasted on these stupid bracelets, which my kids bring home from school for one cause or another almost every freakin' day. With various shit like "I believe in art class" or "Support your local pencil factory" or "Eat at Rigatoni's House of Overpriced Pasta." They end up all over the floor, and then get tossed in recycling. But I think I'll stop there.

39 comments:

while the pic was loading (and I hadn't read further) I was taking bets with myself that it had something to do with being 'artisnal' ... which may or may not have been better than 'VERY GOOD care' ... not sure ...

They look like they'd make rather good cat toys. Sort of like the plastic rings from milk jugs (which, alas, one cannot get over on this side of the pond, since our milk comes in cardboard cartons. Our poor cats have been deprived since we moved.)

Is it possible the "very good" is meant to be a clever take on the surgery center's name? Maybe it's called Valley Green or Vista Grange or something and they're trying to be alliterative? We have a lot of Bon Secours hospitals here - perhaps they're trying to be literal and translate the center's foreign name. Just trying to look for some symbolism, other than the obvious.

I work in an Emergency Department. Our Customer Service Manager (what that person does other than yell at us if we don't provide a beverage to guests quickly I'll never know) has made "We Look Forward to Providing You Very Good Care" our ER slogan. It's posted right when people come into the lobby. I don't get it and quite honestly I'm a little embarrassed by it.

I'm betting they aren't using the word excellent care because if you use the word "excellent" you are considered coaching patients into scoring you as such on their CMS patient satisfaction surveys. I manage an inpatient unit, and was told that when I talk to patients I can't say "our goal is to give you excellent care" because we actually could get fined by CMS for using the language in their survey.

I think it comes from patient satisfaction surveys- rank us very good or better on everything please... I hate crap like that. And AIDET- ugh! I'm required to say "thank you for choosing Local Hospital for your healthcare needs.". Yeah, because nothing gives patients confidence in their healthcare like corny fast-food rote speeches... Gets mentioned every year on my annual eval. I just won't do it. Ironically, the "so glad Anon was our nurse!" letters that are on the bulletin board aren't mentioned....

The "very good" thing is an invention of the Press Ganey medical survey company. The bane of my (and every RNs) existance. "Very good" is their highest score, and they suggest incorporating it into conversations with the patients so they "remember" it when the survey comes in the mail. Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. And, it's a little insulting to boot.

Oh, I get it. Like understated is the new superlative. Real clever. Garrison Keillor was whimsical when he renamed his humble (and then ubiquitous) "supermarket" a more modest "Pretty Good Groceries".

Of course now that so many adults have the brain-power of youngster, it also makes sense to target them with simplistic catchphrases and platitudes. I'd like to have some made for the kids (no idea where they have any fascination with this crap) that say "Clean Your Room" and "Flush the Damn Toilet"- which won't help of course- but pretty soon this crap will be uncool.

Can we start a rumor that these things are recycled colon-constrictors- or how about reused lap bands- then we can see what morons adorn their wrists with 'em...

It's because on the Press-Ganey surveys, any score of "very good" or higher gets you into a good percentile as far as patient satisfaction (I can't remember how high...might be the 80th). So some hospitals using the word "very good" repeatedly so that when people fill out their surveys they remember the words "very good."

Then someone pointed out that an "exception" is anything different from the norm, so you can't be exceptional all the time. And if your usual standard is quite good, any exception would probably be worse, so exceptional care is exactly what you wouldn't want.

Someone else said that the exact meeting didn't matter because our customers wouldn't think that much.

This reportedly turned into a long and bitter argument, forcing everyone in the marketing department to choose sides, and spawning interminable committee meetings about the subtle minutiae of logic and grammar.

Eventually they decided to forget the whole thing and just follow the Press-Ganey suggestion. So now our slogan is the same as the one in the photo.

These sorts of things are very flagrant attempts to coach you on how to fill out your satisfaction survey. The only time I have experienced something more flagrant was when my car salesman literally told me to "be sure to give me a 5 on question 14, okay?"

i am not a native speaker, so maybe i don't get it.but my first thought was "isn't 'goal' something you yet want to achieve? as 'in the future'? if your GOAL is very good care, how good is the care RIGHT NOW?"

And of course I'm the cranky soul who refuses to fill out patient satisfaction surveys. If I have a problem, I'll call the hospital/clinic/whatever and talk to management. Otherwise, if I'm at the ER/ED/Same Day Surgery, and leave with my problem taken care of, I'm happy. I don't really care if I didn't get a warm blanket within 30 seconds of asking, or the nurse forgot to tell do the "Hi I'm buttercup and I'll be your server today" routine. It's medical care not a hotel or coffee shop!

So let me get this straight--it appears from many of the comments that this is a response to how Press Ganey is crafting their survey results, and we seem committed to influencing our patients (either consciously or subliminally) in whatever way we can that they should respond in a certain way to a survey--which in reality, is nothing more than a pathetic effort on our part to find reasons to pat ourselves on the back.Am I missing something? Where is there any real patient engagement? Where is there a commitment to addressing the myriad disconnects and fragmented issues confronting us? I may be cynical (or just Grumpy!!) but first, these surveys do almost nothing to identify real issues, are very costly for organizations, rarely seem to lead to true improvement, and may lead many organizations to "study for the test" (getting a high survey score) rather than addressing the true learning which is needed to really improve care.

Seems the wrist band should say-- "Our goal is Very Good Press Ganey scores"

And the scripting isn't limited to just "very good". We're also supposed to incorporate "keeping you informed about wait times" and "concerned about your comfort". Oh, and when we pull an exam room curtain, we are expected to mention that we are "respecting their privacy". All questions on the survey they will receive. We've had countless meetings about this...All the nurses in our unit feel pretty much the same way.... It's nauseating and we won't do it.

Our reviews are based on partly on our press-gainey survey. If our scores aren't where the managers decide they should be, we get docked on our review. Never mind the thing that parents complain about (I work in NICU) are things I have no control over--crowded patient rooms, outdated decor, temperature regulation issues, no lactation consultant available on nights/weekends....but I'll get docked for it. UGH!

A little bit of a rabbit trail but...a few years back a company that produces feminine products came out with inane slogans such as "Have a nice period". This reminds me of my response which was slightly violent. Ever since then, I've threatened to start my own line of feminine products with slogans but mine would be much more appropriate such as "Try not to kill anyone today!"

Dr G: McDonalds is the correct answer! Duh!I think I must have had a bad hair day and it affected my brain.Sincere apologies to Coca-Cola.Zero is still my favorite summer beverage....when I'm driving that is.

Welcome to my whining!

This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate.

Singing Foo!

Have Dr. Grumpy delivered automatically to your Kindle for only 99 cents a month! Sign up here!

Dr. Grumpy is for hire! Need an article written (humorous, medical, or otherwise) or want to commission a genuine Grumpy piece for your newspaper/magazine/toilet paper roll? Contact me to discuss subjects. You can reach me at the email address below, or through my Linked-In profile.

Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.