I was bitten by a lesbian at our departmental one. On my shoulder, which was good because I was then able to wind her up that my partner had gone apeshit about it after seeing the (entirely fictional) mark she'd left.

At the all-company one we were joined on our table from a geezer from IT who complained that people always wanted to talk to him about their computers at these things but we were alright. He then proceeded to talk about computers all night, but he was on the other side of the table so I ignored him.

Well, this thread never turns into the cesspit of Petronian mayhem that I hope it will, but I'm giving it another go. Only 8 people in the office I work in now, so unlikely anything bizarre will happen...

i heard that a girl at my work licked cocaine off some dude's dick at one of our xmas parties, but then apparently a teacher also did that to a sixth-former at the school i went to. Not sure why anyone would want to lick coke anyway.

not as horrendous as STN is after i'm sure, but the funniest thing i ever saw at one of our xmas parties was this guy trying to breakdance near a table full of complementary glasses of champagne and bottles of beer. He fatefully tried to execute the spinning-around-on-your-back thing, getting his foot caught in the tablecloth in the process, and pulled about 20 drinks down all over himself. The final insult was a single bottle of becks teetering on its side on the edge of the table, the remaining contents dripping onto his forehead as he lay on the floor.

"i heard that a girl at my work licked cocaine off some dude's dick at one of our xmas parties, but then apparently a teacher also did that to a sixth-former at the school i went to. Not sure why anyone would want to lick coke anyway"

I suppose though that if she'd done it differently you would be saying "why would you want someone sniffing your dick anyway" instead.