The only good advice that your Jewish mother gave you was:
"Go! You might meet somebody!"

You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout "Are you okay?" through
the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes.

Your family dog responded to commands in Yiddish.

Every Sunday morning your father went to the neighborhood deli (called an
"appetizing store") for whitefish salad, whitefish ("chubs"), lox (nova if you
were rich!), herring, corned beef, roast beef, cole slaw, potato salad, a
1/2-dozen huge barrel pickles which you reached into the brine for! ...or, a
dozen assorted bagels, cream cheese and rye bread (sliced while he waited)
...all of which would be strictly off-limits until Sunday morning.

You buy 3
shopping bags worth of hot bagels on every trip to NYC and ship them home via
FedEx. (Or, if you live near NYC or Philadelphia or another Jewish city hub, you
drive 3 hours just to buy a dozen "real" bagels.)

Your mother or grandmother took personal pride when a Jew was noted for some
accomplishment (showbiz, medicine, politics, etc.) and was ashamed and
embarrassed when a Jew was accused of a crime ...as if they were relatives.

You thought only non-Jews went to sleep away colleges..... Jews went to city
schools unless they had scholarships or made an Ivy League school.

And finally, you knew that Sunday night and the night after any Jewish holiday
was designated for Chinese food.