Sunday, April 30, 2017

I have prayed about my life. The truth is, I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I wish to plan out my life. The sad part is that I have no clue where to begin. I realize that life seemed to be past over. I am woman in her 40s who still doesn't know what she wants when she grows up. I am concerned about this. This has been an issue with me for a while. I realize that maybe I should have done this years ago. Well, now is as good a time as any.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

1“These are the statutes and the judgments which you shall carefully observe in the land which the LORD, the God of your fathers, has given you to possess as long as you live on the earth. 2“You shall utterly destroy all the places where the nations whom you shall dispossess serve their gods, on the high mountains and on the hills and under every green tree. 3“You shall tear down their altars and smash their sacred pillars and burn their Asherim with fire, and you shall cut down the engraved images of their gods and obliterate their name from that place. 4“You shall not act like this toward the LORD your God."

I have not only shown respect to the Lord by the way I was acting. I didn't realize that idolatry was a sin that I have committed. I have since repented of that sin. I didn't realize that allowing myself to be caught up in the things of the world would constitute idolatry, but it doesn't. Not spending enough time could be an example of idolatry. I am very guilty of that form of idolatry. My time like other idolaters has not been spent on the Lord, but on whoever or whatever is in the world. That whoever and whatever was a high place that needed to be broken down. The altars wasn't' in my house but in my mind. That was not about anxiety, so I won't use that as an excuse. It was about a choice that I made, which did in turn, cause even greater anxiety. The Lord wants the divided attention of all of us, no matter where we are at. My hope is that I am not misinterpreting the Word of God. Being sacred is about being of God, not of the world. I have not kept some things sacred and I have since repented of this. I take full responsibility of my sins. This I am writing because the Lord is Jealous and wants not just our worship, but our undivided attention.

Friday, April 28, 2017

My hope is that the President of the US will be led by the Lord. I believe that he was put here for a reason. Do the Russians really have anything to the fact that President Obama will be no more? How about us voters. Didn't we have enough votes to elect Donald Trump. I don't know how he will do, but my hope is that he will take his job seriously. It is a thankless enough job. I am leery of politicians, so my prayer is that Mr. Trump will truly make ALL of America Great Again.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Right now, I have some serious rib pain. Okay, it is on my back, but still it is painful with some movements more so than others. I am also watching the NFL Draft. I wonder which team will choose which college player. Who knows? It will be interesting. Whoever becomes the number one draft pick will be a lucky one. However, that does not mean he will have a blessed career. Sometimes, it is about the luck of the draw. Other times, it is about actually making the right choices in life. They often determine which way each of us will go. In eternity, there are only two directions: up or down.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I get overwhelmed by the idea that
there are people much more successful, happier, and powerful than me
It makes me feel smaller than the smallest grain of sand in the big sahara
Because I can't be such things
I get overwhelmed by the idea of looking different, being a outsider
It's a helpless feeling
Like a fish out of water
Like a newborn baby
Like a deer in headlights
Lost, trapped, confined, unimportant, imprisoned

I get overwhelmed by the fact that my disease is life-shortening
The fear of imminent death stabs my mind and thoughts
It has me desperate to find a cure for this monstrous disability
Every faith-healer, I bet you I've gone to
Hoping I'll be one of those miraculous cases of people who turn out to walk; those cases that come on TV
Always in the end the bad starts to overwhelm me intensely
My mind fills up with thoughts of sadness
I want to be happy
But i don't know how to keep happiness permanently
Nothing in my life is permanent
Not even my abilities
I get overwhelmed 365 days a year

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

"Love the LORD, all his faithful people! The LORD preserves those who are true to him, but the proud he pays back in full."

Love is something that is not jealous. Furthermore, jealousy is about fear and about coveting. I guess. I am trying to be wise. Furthermore, I am trying to be right about the interpretation of God's Word. One of the worst thing anyone can do is to misinterpret scripture. That I believe is why false prophets and false teachers are flourishing in the planet. They deceive the flock by twisting the Word of God for often times financial gain. Where is the love in deception, much less jealousy? The only jealousy that is not about fear and coveting is about the Jealousy of God. We are to not just be true, but to love God with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strengths. All of it. God is a Jealous God who wants us to divide all of our attentions to Him. After all, Jesus paid all of His attention to us. That is what I finally realize today. We as Christians are to be Jealous for the Lord, because He is Jealous towards us. That is what true love is all about.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Hello, I have been writing a testimony about my life. I first became born again in 1994. It has been an interesting journey. I thanked God and still do, thank Him for saving me. My life has had many ups and downs. My testimony will be like many Christians who have been diagnosed with an emotional disorder.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder on February 19, 1994. I was at first diagnosed with depression because of what has been going on with me. Within a week or two, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was actually relieved. For a long time, I felt like I was going crazy. I had suicidal thoughts almost on a daily basis. My personality changed with my moods. My relationships with others suffered. My grades went down. I would walk out of class and oftentimes, I wouldn't make even show up for class. Not long before, I had never walked out of class unless there was an excuse such as a medical emergency. My grades were decent-I was on the honor roll. I graduated in the top 5 of my high school class. I was a happy 18-year old who enjoyed going to college. Life was good. However, I didn't know that depression during those days would be a precursor to my worst year ever.

Life became a total wreck. By this time, people began to turn on me. I have thought of elaborate ways that I wanted to die. I had a rough time dealing with what was going on around me. I began to obsess about a particular guy that I got along with. All of a sudden, a little crush turned into an obsession. I made a fool out of myself. The worst part of it was that others knew as well. Everything seemed negative. I did care about what others think. But then, I started praying a long prayer to God. What I didn't realize is that that prayer would be the beginning to a journey that would forever change my life. Things haven't improved, not until September 10, 1994. I prayed to ask Jesus to come into my heart twice on advice of a friend. I wasn't sure if He heard me. But that day was a miracle in itself. I didn't think I was well-liked or had many friends. But then, I realized who my real friends are. I am thankful that God showed me who they were that way. I really needed them then.

What I didn't realize was that I needed God. It was around 1:00 or so that afternoon and I went up to a friend's room. I knew that she was a born-again Christian and I started talking to her about all of my problems. I met two other girls, one of them was a freshmen at that time. I literally cried a river and poured out my heart. I was a lonely young woman. I knew it. Then she asked me if I believe that Jesus died for me and that if I believed that Jesus rose on the third day. I told her that I did. Then she mentioned the word "friends". It clicked. That was all I remember from that question. However, I have told her that I will get saved later on that I wanted to go somewhere. Her warning was to me that tomorrow was promised to no one. These were not her exact words, but that is what she meant. I am so glad that I did not hesitate. I prayed with her to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I saw a mental picture of cherub-like angels on a blue background. It was a mental painting almost. Everything seemed different. Things were brighter. One of the girls remarked that I even looked different. God took my pain away. He had started me on a new journey. And for that I praise God. Life is better. I still have my share of problems, but all Christians have their share of problems. Christians will be persecuted for their faith. I went from barely reading the Bible from reading and studying the Bible daily. I prayed mostly in need, but I pray daily. I have changed. Within a year from that day, I transferred to a new school and graduated two years later. I have learned how to handle my problems better. Over time, I have grown to depend on God daily. I have become interested in different things. I have become a different person. I have become wiser, and I thank God for that.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Jesus said if you lean on me
Jesus said you can lean on me
Jesus said if you lean on me
And I won’t let you fall, if you just lean on me
Jesus said if you - lean on me
Jesus said if you just - lean on me
Oh! Jesus said you can - lean on me
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall if you lean on me
Oh! I will bare your burdens if you - lean on me
Oh! I’ll bare your burdens if you just - lean on me
Oh! I know how to bare your burdens you can - lean on me
I won’t let you fall, oh; I won’t let you fall if you lean on me
And when the load gets heavy you can - lean on me
Oh! When the load gets heavy you can - lean on me
Oh! When the load gets heavy you can always - lean on me

I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall if you lean on me
Oh! Jesus said if you - lean on me
Oh! Jesus said if you just - lean on me
Oh! I heard Jesus say you can - lean on me
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall if you lean on me
Instrumental Only - Music
Drums, Tambourine and clapping only this section
You don’t if to worry if you - lean on me
Oh! You don’t have to worry if you - lean on me
Oh! You don’t have to worry if you just - lean on me
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
I promise not to let you fall; I won’t let you fall
I promise not to let you fall; I won’t let you fall
I know how to hold you; I won’t let you fall
I know how to hold you; I won’t let you fall
If you just lean on me; I won’t let you fall
You can just lean on me; I won’t let you fall
In the midnight hour; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
You can lean on me; I won’t let you fall
You can lean on me; I won’t let you fall
When a load get heavy; I won’t let you fall
When your load get heavy; I won’t let you fall
I’ll bare your burdens; I won’t let you fall
I’ll bare your burdens; I won’t let you fall
Drums, Tambourine and clapping only this section
My yokes is easy; I won’t let you fall
My burden is light; I won’t let you fall
I don’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
You can lean on me; I won’t let you fall
You can lean on me; I won’t let you fall
When everybody else is gone; I won’t let you fall
You can lean on me; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you; I won’t let you fall
No! I won’t let you; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
Never, never let you fall; I won’t let you fall
If you lean on me; I won’t let you fall
If you lean on me; I won’t let you fall
I’ll be there; I won’t let you fall
I’ll be there; I won’t let you fall
I’ll never leave you; I won’t let you fall
I’ll never forsake you; I won’t let you fall
Come on and lean on me; I won’t let you fall
Come on and lean on me; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
Oh, No! I won’t let you fall
Oh, No! I won’t let you fall
Come on and give Him praise – Instrumental Only Section
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
Oh, No! I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
I won’t let you fall; I won’t let you fall
You can depend on me; I won’t let you fall
You can lean on me; I won’t let you fall
You can trust in me; I won’t let you fall if you lean on me
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Oh thank you Lord!
Thank you that I got somebody to lean on
Thank you that I got a leaning post
Thank you that I’m not on my own, oh Lordy - Hallelujah

Sunday, April 16, 2017

I am now listening to Sia's "Chandelier". This has been my song this past weekend. I get to ramble and ramble on.

Seth Rollins is so fine. Too bad he has become a mere distraction. I never thought I would have a crush on him. I sound so rude, didn't I? Sorry, but he is still fine.

I am okay with my weight. However, I have to admit that I need to do more work before 9AM all day. Sure, I'm not a soldier, so to all soldiers, thank you for your service. You are the reason why our country is still free. Thank You.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

"From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life."
Matthew 16:21

"When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men."
Matthew 17:22

"He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again."
Mark 8:31

"They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way, and the disciples were astonished, while those who followed were afraid. Again he took the Twelve aside and told them what was going to happen to him."
Mark 10:32

"Who has believed what he has heard from us?1
And to whom has hthe arm of the Lord been revealed?2 For he grew up before him like a young plant,
iand like a root out of dry ground;
jhe had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.3 kHe was despised and rejected2 by men,
a man of sorrows 3 and acquainted with4 grief;5
and as one from whom men hide their faces6
he was despised, and lwe esteemed him not.4 mSurely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
nsmitten by God, and afflicted.5 oBut he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
pand with his wounds we are healed.6 qAll we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
rand the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
syet he opened not his mouth;
tlike a ulamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth.8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away;
and as for his generation, vwho considered
that he was cut off out of the land of the living,
stricken for the transgression of my people?9 And they made his grave with the wicked
wand with a rich man in his death,
although xhe had done no violence,
and there was no deceit in his mouth.10 Yet yit was the will of the Lord to crush him;
he has put him to grief;7
zwhen his soul makes8 an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
athe will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.11 Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see9 and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall bthe righteous one, my servant,
cmake many to be accounted righteous,
dand he shall bear their iniquities.12 eTherefore I will divide him a portion with the many,10
fand he shall divide the spoil with the strong,11
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
gyet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors."
Isaiah 53:1-12

9 I, John, your brother and companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus, was on the island of Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus. 10 On the Lord’s Day I was in the Spirit, and I heard behind me a loud voice like a trumpet, 11 which said: “Write on a scroll what you see and send it to the seven churches: to Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis,Philadelphia and Laodicea.”12 I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw seven golden lampstands, 13 and among the lampstandswas someone like a son of man,[d] dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. 14 The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. 15 His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. 16 In his right hand he held seven stars,and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. 18 I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.19 “Write, therefore, what you have seen, what is now and what will take place later. 20 The mystery of the seven stars that you saw in my right hand and of the seven golden lampstands is this: The seven stars are the angels[e] of the seven churches, and the seven lampstands are the seven churches.Revelation 1:9-19

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Right now, my mouse has the nasty habit of freezing up. I hate when I have to fix up this issue. It is a necessary evil, but it has to be done. I realize that despite that, I have a few problems of my own. I mean, a few other issues that I have to contend with. Lord, I could use all of the help I can get. I ask that You would grant me the patience that I so very need..

Saturday, April 8, 2017

It may be hypocritical of me to even have an opinion on this subject. I am a black person who would love to have blonde hair, even for a little while. There has always been a person of color who has often been accused of self-hatred because they dye their hair blonde. As I wrote that last sentence, I notice the hypocrisy. Should it matter if a woman of color with dark skin dye her hair blonde? No, it shouldn't matter. If blonde hair, like any other color looks good on her and if it doesn't "wash her out", then nobody should say anything. Since when does blonde equal only one race or color? There are Arabs and other Middle Easterners, South Asians, Melanesians, Australian Aborigines, East Asians and those from Africa who are blondes. I use this to add to what I believe is true. These women are not white and I feel that because they are black women who dye their hair blonde does not give anyone the right to pass judgment or criticize. No blonde of color should have to justify dying their hair blonde. Blonde is a hair color, though largely inherited, but it is only a color at the end of the day.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Those are only parts of what has happened last night on RAW. Because of this, I look forward to Smackdown. Unlike RAW, Smackdown only lasts two hours instead of three. Hopefully the crowd would be as raucous (for a lack of a better term) as they were last night. The crowd was live last night. Either one loved the crowd or hated the crowd. One thing is for sure: nearly all of them hated Roman Reigns.

Monday, April 3, 2017

All I all, I wish I could say that it was a top notch show from top to bottom, but it had its moments. The best part were some of the matches and highlights. It is too bad that the IC Title match was on the preshow. It would be nice if it were on the actual show. Oh, well, I will have to settle with Dean Ambrose and Baron Corbin sometime near Wrestlemania. I cannot, however imagine the indignity of being called a curtain jerker at such an important event, for an important title nevertheless. I realize that everyone can't fit on a specific card and that everyone on the roster cannot be on even the preshow, but Wrestlemania had way too many matches and thus the worst part, it was just too long. I give the talent an A for effort, but the timing of the event is what hurt the entire show. It was over five hours long. Wow. I hope to never stay for five hours at an event where anything even bad can happen, but that hope was dashed. I did so. So, I would rank the ppv in general 6.5 out of 10. The length of the ppv took much of my enjoyment and a couple of the matches seemed underwhelming. I expected better and I have seen better from some of the performers on television.