Prince Harry and Cressida Bonas Spent The Holidays Apart

The last time we checked in with Prince Harry and his former-dancer, scrunchie-obsessed girlfriend Cressida Bonas, it appeared as if the two might have a near-idyllic holiday season in which the couple would spend Boxing Day at Sandringham together—in what would be Cressida’s first visit to the Queen’s country estate while the Queen was present. And the British press had worked itself into a wheezing, panting mess over the prospect of a potential Christmastime Harry-Cressida engagement. Well, it’s now January 3rd, and not only are Cressida and Harry not engaged—unless the two are secretly engaged and planning to pull a Beyoncé-style surprise wedding at some point later this year—they didn’t spend Christmas or New Year’s Eve together, either.

That’s correct, Cressida did not end up joining the crowded royal assemblage over Christmas, as had been rumored. And it’s now somewhat unclear whether Harry even invited her, as, per the Telegraph, Harry would have known “it would not be appropriate for Miss Bonas to join the Royal family for Christmas until they are a married couple.” Anyway, Cressy stayed home with her family for Christmas, presumably refreshing Harry’s private Instagram every few minutes under the table while her family discussed their feelings on The Wolf on Wall Street for three straight nights.

After playing “by the rules” over Christmas, one might have thought the two would use New Year’s as a chance to engage in some holiday romance. But, instead, an entire ocean separated them, as Cressida rang in 2014 at an “exclusive bash” in the Caribbean on Necker Island (yes, the one owned by Richard Branson) while Harry partied at an “English country pub,” the Mirror reports.

What does this mean for the future of Harry and Cressida? How does Harry feel about the splashy New York Times profile of Cressida that hit the day before Christmas? Did Cressida meet Bear Winslet on Necker Island??

Here’s how we imagine the texts between the pair must have gone down:

Dec. 24

Harry: hey babe, sry again bout the whole xmas mixup. dunno y the papers all said u were invited

(After sending this text, Cressida sends a screenshot of Harry’s text to her friend Hyacinth with the accompanying message: “WTF is this?!?!?! i tried to play it cool, but so annoying, right? do u think I handled it ok???”)

Dec. 25

Cressida: how is xmas? Is george speaking yet??? what is kate wearing???

Cressida: omg is she wearing that gold scrunchie i sent her???

Cressida (three hours later): hiiiiiiiii I’m bored

Cressida: did u see my new york times article??????? my phone is blowing up lol

Dec. 26

Harry: sorry babe, so much going on here! don’t think kate was wearing anything in her hair, no