Thursday, June 19, 2008

KAILUA-KONA, Hawaii - Police in Hawaii say a thief got his caffeine fix when he made off with more than 1,000 pounds of Kona coffee beans.

Police say the beans were taken from a home sometime between May 27 and May 29. The beans were in 100-pound burlap bags.

The Kona area of Hawaii's Big Island is famous for its premium coffee beans.

Police are asking the public to report anyone trying to sell green coffee beans.

Or experiencing convulsive twitches while chatting with 5000 of his/her closest friends. That's a lot of premium coffee to run off with. You can't even run off with that amount, can you? You would need a truck, a Boesky, at least two Jim Browns, one Miss Daisy, two Jethros and the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever.

How much caffeine would it take to kill you? Here's a good way to find out. Just enter your drink of choice and the caffeine calculator will tell you how many you'll need to punch a ticket to Ghost Town.*

(*Ghost Town is not a legitimate slang term for death and was made up for the purposes of this post. Then again, should any slang term be "legitimate"? Puzzles. Conundrums. It's what we do.)