Shoot the whole sorry lot of them after a perfunctory trial, preferably one involving sticking fingers up their privates and molesting them. For weeks.

Before we get to the point, allow His Imperial Majesty to apologize most profusely for his horrid inactivity. If anybody is still bothering to read this near-dead site, we can’t begin to thank you enough. But the Empire is undergoing, along with bloody well everybody else in this Obamian Utopia™ that the Fiddy2ers, may they and their families be cursed unto death and until the end of seven generations, somewhat hard times due to chronic illness and associated financial distress. That’s the reason. That and the fact that our Muse has left us, possibly because of all of the above. But we seek not pity, we only seek to let you know why we have been failing so sorely in our Imperial Duty to provide the Loyal Citizenry, GLORs and Knights and Wolves alike, with their daily snark and sarcasm.

We will do better, we promise.

That aside, this just had our blood pressure spiking to the point where, had our veins been secured with rivets, those rivets would have blown out and shot clean through an Abrams, BOTH sides.

A vacation in the Magic Kingdom should be enough to make a child giddy with excitement, but one young boy was left trembling with fear after he was subjected to an invasive TSA pat-down.

The three-year-old, confined to a wheelchair due to a recently broken leg, was with his family at O’Hare Airport in Chicago, on their way to board a flight to Disney World in Orlando, Florida.

Despite constant assurances from his father that ‘everything is OK’, he physically trembles with fear and asks his parents to hold his hand.

And we all know how this is “unpleasant but absolutely necessary for Your Own Good™” because of the wave of three-year-old terrorists blowing up planes all over the world.

The terrified boy was swabbed on his hands and under his shirt for explosive residue.

While the boy’s father grew increasingly incensed by the treatment his son was getting, he tried to remain calm, for the boy’s sake.

Yes, you read that right. The pedophile child molesting swine who would be otherwise spending his entire life being rejected for the position of assistant fry cook at the local McDonald’s was actually swabbing down a three-year-old with a broken leg for “explosive residue.” The only explanation we can think of is that the worthless TSA soon-to-be-hopefully-dangling-from-the-nearest-utility-pole son of a syphilitic whore had found out that his favorite Russian pedophile website was down for maintenance last night.

But don’t worry. The wonderful “you can’t professionalize unless you federalize” TSA has every intention of giving you the option to NOT have your children frightened out of their wits while being molested by perverts who buy Viagra by the metric ton.

For a price, of course:Despite such strict security for this toddler, the TSA is offering background-checked travellers the chance to use special lines and keep their shoes, belt and jacket on, leave laptops and liquids in carry-on bags and avoid a full-body scan – for a price.

The TSA’s new fast track ‘Precheck’ screening, now at two airlines and nine airports, is similar to security checks before 9/11, reports the Wall Street Journal.

To qualify, frequent fliers must be invited by airlines and meet an undisclosed TSA criteria.

A $100 fee for a background check is required as well as a brief interview with a Customs officer.

And there you have it: “Pony up a Benjamin and we WON’T molest your children or fondle grandma’s vajayjay while causing her colostomy bag to explode and drench her clothes with shit.” What a fucking BARGAIN!

We are positively melting with gratitude.

Here’s the Imperial counter-proposal: Lay your fucking filthy pervert fascist hands on any member or our family once, ONCE, and you won’t be taking those hands back home from work with you at the end of your shift, you slimy, subhuman, worthless, parasitical, imbecilic, useless sack of fetid pig shit.

Not that you’ll mind terribly the loss of your appendages as you’ll be sporting a brand new eye socket in your forehead measuring approximately 45/100ths of an inch across.

And in the highly unlikely case that there is still a single soul reading this currently composing a reply lamenting the horrible plight of the fascist TSA goons trying to make a living and “juzt follovink orderz”, just. Don’t.

We know for a fact that it was pretty damn hard to come by a job in Germany during WWII too, particularly after the industry had been reduced to rubble, yet we remain singularly unimpressed with the calls for “understanding” from the ones who volunteered to guard the gates at Dachau with the Allgemeine SS in exchange for three hots and cot.

22 comments

I read about that also and can’t imagine how this shit is designed to increase safety either, unless the safety we’re speaking of is that of a turd who wouldn’t be hired as a WalMart greeter re: keeping a job that shouldn’t exist.

Then again, all those WalMart greeter refugees might be needed to protect the soon to be crowned king and his wookie if they get voted out of the White House – byhaps the basis for the bastard’s latest executive order.

Before we get to the point, allow His Imperial Majesty to apologize most profusely for his horrid inactivity. If anybody is still bothering to read this near-dead site, we can’t begin to thank you enough. But the Empire is undergoing, along with bloody well everybody else in this Obamian Utopia™

I understand, most everyone I know is in the same boat. I’ll continue to check in….. it’s home. Just a thought, have you considered opening the doors to more folks to put some stuff up? It might generate some additional content.

I think we’re all tired. These days financial stress doesn’t need something as serious as a chronic illness. I don’t I know anyone who isn’t facing it to some degree or another. I just had to change my W-4 to withhold an extra $25 a week; I realized my eldest turns 17 this year so there goes $1000 of child tax credit! We’ll be OK, but that $100 a month means we’ll be living a lot closer to the edge. And sometimes it’s necessary for our personal mental health to just close out the world. I like having my blood pressure someplace down around normal, at least some of the time.

Of course every time I try to tune things out, something breaks though and makes me even more paranoid.

I do feel for those poor misunderstood TSA workers. There they are trying to do their jobs and breath at the same time. It would be better for them if they would just stop breathing, and much better for everyone else.

Fuck the TSA and every last one of their high-school dropout, mouth-breathing, pedophile employees.

I’m blessed enough to be planning a family vacation for this summer. It will be a road trip, specifically because I refuse to fly and subject my kids to this bullshit.

I’ve taught them that if any stranger touches them in an improper way, they should gouge said stranger’s eyes and punch him/her in the throat. I’ll be skinned alive and thrown in the Great Salt Lake before I’ll tell them that the only exception to the “no-touch” rule is some reject in a dark blue shirt with no real law enforcement authority.

While reviewing the “Crime, Guns, and Videotape” blog earlier this week I found a helpful TSA employee attempting to illegally stop the blogger from videotaping an arrest in the public areas (along the street) of LAX by two members of the LAX police. As our friendly blogger is a former Chicago police officer and not one to be trifled with, his comments were, well, understandable for the circumstances. At least in Florida, a “battery” is an unlawful touching, and you can defend yourself against a battery without legal consequence as long as your response is reasonable. TSA employee: PLEASE put your hands on me outside an airport so I can cheerfully put you in the hospital and then find a nice lawyer who also hates the TSA so I can take your mortgaged mobile home and your collection of pork rind bags from you.

What the American people need is a Wikileaks…say the personell files of every single employee…names and addresses, that sort of thing. They are not being held accountable, so perhaps the people can deal with it. I wonder how tough some of these losers would be getting a badge stuffed down their throat in a parking lot. High on my contempt list. If TSHTF those uniforms will be used to grace gunsights. And where are the liberals screaming about unreasonable search, etc?

That is to say an organization geared specifically toward monitoring government agencies for crimes against the people. Ideally it would eventually gain official recognition, be headed by boards of commissioners grabbed from the jury pool, and gain official police powers (jurisdiction limited to civilian government employees and elected officials). But it would have to start, unfortunately, with people sticking their necks out: documenting these violations, defending those who document the violations, pressing for criminal prosecution for those violations, and repudiating the Wannabe Samurai Caste’s paramilitary posturing and peacockery– which very likely will result in some of the wrong people being arrested and possibly subjected to CYA raids. As far as I’m concerned, violations of the Bill of Rights by any kind of law enforcement officer ought to be prosecuted as a potential act of treason, and be forbidden from public service for life.

Oh come now, wouldn’t that hundred dollar fee for flying uninspected be beyond the reach of any al-Qaida terrorists? Certainly someone fixing to commit mass suicide would be reluctant to spend his last hundred in order to get free access. /sarcBigdogg, please assure that once Open Season is declared, it remains open perpetually, with no bag limit. And that the Blue-backed Crotch Climber is nevr added to the endangered species list. Would you consider a bounty?
In the spirit ofour national Apology Tic, I wish to apologize for the dreadful, and much concerned, Tom and Linda Dash-hole, who supposedly came from this state. All I can say in my defense, is that I never voted for them, and my late mother hated them even more than she hated the Clintons.

Oh come now, wouldn’t that hundred dollar fee for flying uninspected be beyond the reach of any al-Qaida terrorists? Certainly someone fixing to commit mass suicide would be reluctant to spend his last hundred in order to get free access. /sarc

You obviously didn’t read the article, Sir Rurik! Not only would those hypothetical foreigners of undetermined and totally irrelevant religious affiliations have to pass an impossible-to-pass Federal Background Check™, they’d also have to pass through the needle’s eye of a grueling interview with a highly profederalized CUSTOMS OFFICER!

Seen on Breitbart: the Samizdat Nation needs to get the word out about this!

Coming This Summer: Watch for the movie “2016.” It’s about Obama’s ultra-radical roots, and the origins of his hatred of America: pass it on.

Director Steven Spielberg, who donated more than $87,000 to the Democratic Party in the last election cycle, has a co-producer who feels a little differently than he does about President Barack Obama.

Meet Gerald R. Molen: Spielberg’s co-producer on Hollywood blockbusters such as “Schindler’s List,” “Jurassic Park” and “Minority Report.” Molen is the driving force behind “2016,” a documentary — based on “The Roots of Obama’s Rage,” a book written by Dinesh D’Souza — about President Obama scheduled to hit theaters this summer.

Molen promises, that like D’Souza’s book, the film will take viewers deep into the heart and mind of our president, a leader he contends is unique in the course of our nation’s history because of his far-left radical views.

The film’s trailer debuted at CPAC 2012 earlier this year and was followed by a moving speech by D’Souza himself. The film’s, as explained by D’Souza, is simple: Obama is not a traditional Democrat like Bill Clinton and Michael Dukakis. Nor is Obama akin to left-wing liberals such as John Kerry or Jimmy Carter.

Traditional liberals, D’Souza explained, only want to redistribute wealth within America. Obama, he says, wants to redistribute America’s power among smaller nations throughout the world.

Why? D’Souza explained that Obama is literally trying to fulfill the title of his book, “Dreams from My Father.” Obama’s father, who was Kenyan, viewed the world from an anti-Colonial perspective. Molen says Obama now wants to use his power as the American president to rid the world of colonialism … starting with downsizing the very power of the U.S.A.

. . . Molen named his film “2016” because he’s attempting to demonstrate what America and the world could look like if Obama is re-elected. And that, Molen and D’Souza believe, would be a dangerous thing for those who want to preserve the American dream.

D’Souza told the crowd that Obama’s second term would mean the president “won’t be tethered to public opinion, he won’t have to run for re-election again, he will be truly, in a sense, a free man in the White House to do what he wants.”