Johanna Garth is the author of The Persephone Campbell Series; a modern take on the myth of Hades and Persephone. Johanna lives in McLean, Virginia with her husband and two children.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Desolation of a Movie

This transcript of yesterday's Q&A session is brought to you by The Hobbit.

My fandom of J.R.R. Tolkien's books was created by my father. He read the entire series to me, tirelessly, and then when I begged he read it again. And again. And again.

I honestly don't know how many times he read those books out loud. A lot, is probably the safest estimate. Of course, I've tried to carry on the tradition by reading The Hobbit to my children which is why, The Desolation of Smaug, was mandatory weekend viewing for us.

It turns out that, despite having both read the book myself and heard it read many times, I'm still lacking in my Hobbit knowledge. Here's a list of the top popcorn breath questions whispered mid-movie.

1. Where are all the girl Orcs?
Me: Not sure.

2. And how do they reproduce so quickly? Is someone spawning them like in Minecraft?
Me: I don't think so, but that's a good question. Shhh.

3. Where does the shapeshifter keep his clothes? Are they in the barn?
Me: In the trees.
Them: Where in the trees?
Me: They don't show that part. Shhh.

4. In the dark forest: Why are they all acting so weird.
Me: The air is sort of like a hallucinogenic.
Them: What's that.
Me: Never mind.
Them: TELL US!!!!
Me: The air makes them dizzy. Shhh!

5. When you're wearing the ring does it allow you to understand spider tongue?
Me: Yes.

6. Followed quickly by: Do you think if they met hamsters they would understand hamster tongue?
Me: Yes.
Them: Giggles of delight.
Me: Shhh!!!

7. When the elves are going over the waterfalls in barrels: Why aren't the barrels filling up with water? Are they magic barrels?
Me: Yes. They're filled with elven magic.

8. When Gandalf sees the Dark Lord. Why does it keep showing that figure going in on himself?
Me: It's supposed to represent infinite evil.Them: Ohhhh!

9. Who do you like better Katniss or Tauriel?
Me: Can't compare. They're different species.

10: When can we see the next one?
Me: Next Christmas

I absolutely silence my phone in the theater. But...I'm still working on my children. Until I get that figured out, you might want to sit a few rows away from us.

Hahaha their questions were funny though! And thank you for silencing your phone during the movie; I wish more people were like that. So many people talk loudly on their phones during the whole movie or spend the whole time texting (the light from their cell phone screens bugs me).