Monday, January 29, 2007

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table, lit the candle light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of chardonnay.

when she had finished,she went into each and every room and deposited a few half eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She cleaned up the kitchen and left...

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly the house began to smell...........

They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and the carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days.

Nothing worked....people stopped coming over to visit.... repair men refused to work in the house and to top it all the maid quit ..

Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move...

A month later, even though they cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually the local realitors refused to take their calls..

Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called her ex-husband, and asked how things were going.. He told her the saga of the rotting house.....

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back

Knowing his wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paper work.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smilimg as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says we've been married now for 20 years, but I reckon it's better we divorced.

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70mph.

He then says I don,t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you.

Again wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

I want the house, he insists, pressing his good fortune. The wife speeds up to 80mph.

He says I want the car too, but sha just drives faster and faster.

By now she's up to 90mph. All right he says, I want the bank accounta and all the credit cards too.

The wife slowly starts to veer towards a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous,so he says isn't there anything you want ?

The wife says no, I've got everything I need.

Oh really he says, so what have you got?

Right before they slam into a wall, the wife smiles and says The Airbag.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

But notwithstanding Hyacinth, the hippo in Fantasia, Hippopotamus amphibius is as mean as a viper and a filthy pig besides. The name hippopotamus literally means "river horse" from the Greek (hippos=horse and potamus=river)--quite the euphemism compared to the more accurate Latin Gandulid lagoonus vicioso, or "vicious pond slob" (okay, I made that up).

The hippo, found today throughout sub-Saharan Africa, is considered by many experts, explorers and Africans to be the most dangerous animal in Africa (not counting the mosquito).

Crocodiles and cape buffaloes are badasses, too, but nobody seems to have kept an actual body count for any of these species and they don't have belts to notch. They've all killed way more people than Africa's lions have. (A few rogue tigers have killed a lot of people too, but they live in India, not Africa.)

The hippo is extremely aggressive, unpredictable and unafraid of humans, upsetting boats sometimes without provocation and chomping the occupants with its huge canine teeth and sharp incisors. Most human deaths occur when the victim gets between the hippo and deep water or between a mother and her calf. I've read descriptions of their ground-rumbling charges--bellowing loudly, swinging their heads like giant sledgehammers, the massive open mouth with slashing teeth and I'm thinking, "This little safari is taking a bit of a bad turn, Elliot."

Nearly all of the famous African explorers and hunters--Livingstone, Stanley, Burton, Selous, Speke, DuChaillu--had boating mishaps with hippos. All considered the hippo to be a wantonly malicious beast. Not long ago Spencer Tyron, a white hunter, was killed while hunting near the shores of Lake Rukwa, Tanzania. A bull hippo turned over the dugout canoe from which Tyron was shooting, and bit off his head and shoulders.

And check out this article from a couple of months ago in " Africa News " about "rampaging hippos spreading terror." They were attacking boatmen, beating up cows and ripping up rice fields. The herds of "marauding herbivores" had been chased out of Mali already and spilled into Niger, behaving worse than drunken soccer fans.

Hippos weigh up to 8000 pounds and can gallop at 18 m.p.h.--a lot faster than you, I bet. They're more agile than they look and can climb steep banks, but, like elephants, they can't jump. Hippos sleep or lounge around on river banks and in the water most of the day and graze on the grasslands at night.

Their skin secretes a sticky pinkish oil that helps protect them from the sun and maybe from infection, too. Most of 'em have lots of wounds and scars (the males commonly beat the living crap out of each other, too), and seeing as they're sitting in a shithole all day--see below--you wonder why infection isn't more of problem for them.

Hippos defecate copious amounts into the rivers and ponds in which they wallow all day and also partake of a charming ritual described by hippo experts as "dung showering." They blow crap mixed with urine all over the place to humiliate their hippo rivals and inferiors and mark the territory around their watering hole, swishing their little tails to be sure to get plenty of coverage at nose level. Cecil described this hippo habit in his diatribe against spraying cats in www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_011.html: "The hippopotamus, for instance, is said to mark jungle trails by excreting a lethal mixture of urine and feces while twirling its tail like a propeller. This may explain the historically sluggish market for pet hippopotamuses."

Lovely, eh? Once I asked Tom Silva, the mammal curator at the Rio Grande Zoo in Albuquerque, why we don't have hippos here and he suggested that routine cleaning of my tropical fish aquariums pales compared to the chore of cleaning a hippo tank, to put it mildly. The Singapore zoo has them, though, with a viewing window on the underwater part of the tank. Hyacinth in her tutu admittedly does come to mind as you watch this big tub-o-lard delicately prance along the bottom like a moon walker. She really is amazingly graceful until she lifts that little tail and lets it blow.

--SDSTAFF JillStraight Dope Science Advisory Board

Staff Reports are researched and written by members of the Straight Dope Science Advisory Board.

Monday, January 08, 2007

A keylogger, sometimes called a keystroke logger, key logger, or system monitor, is a hardware device or small program that monitors each keystroke a user types on a specific computer’s keyboard.

As a hardware device, a keylogger is a small battery-sized plug that serves as a connector between the user’s keyboard and computer. Keystroke logging (often called keylogging) is used in software development that captures the user’s keystrokes. Once it is installed it just captures anything that is typed: usernames, passwords, URLs, email, banking info, everything

A Keylogger program does not require physical access to the user’s computer. It can be downloaded on purpose by someone who wants to monitor activity on a particular computer or it can be downloaded unwittingly as spyware and executed as part of a rootkit or remote administration (RAT) Trojan horse.It can also be useful for the following;

1: Parents can use keystroke loggers to keep track of what their kids do on the computer.2: Employers could use it for monitoring measure employee productivity and activity to make certain they are staying within the companies Internet Acceptable Use policy.3: Keystroke loggers can be used to providing a means to obtain passwords or encryption keys and thus bypassing other security measures and to also determine sources of error in computer systems

Spector Pro is one of the better keystroke loggers at the moment. However, there are equally good ones available such as eBlaster 5 and Spector CNE. Visit here for more information on keystroke loggers.

Alternately, most privacy advocates agree that the potential for abuse is so great that legislation should be enacted to clearly make the unauthorized use of keyloggers a criminal offense. Besides, currently there is also no easy way to prevent keylogging.

In the future it is believed that software with secure I/O will be protected from keyloggers. Until then, however, the best strategy is to use common sense and a combination of several methods. Users should constantly observe the programs which are installed on his or her machine. Anti-spyware applications are able to detect many keyloggers and cleanse them.

Interestingly, this is exactly how one of the greatest attempted bank heist in history was pulled off. The bank robbers installed these devices on machines inside the bank and eventually got access to Sumitomo Bank’s wire transfer capability. They then proceeded to transfer more that $440 million to various accounts in other countries. More details on this available by clicking here

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker.

The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself. Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important. God looked to Al and said, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand".

God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most. Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important. God responded, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand".

God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly.

God asked "What is your problem Bill Gates?"

Bill Gates responded " I think you are sitting in my chair".

PS : [Please note this is of no offense to anybody mentioned and as to be taken as light humor]

Thursday, January 04, 2007

In fact, online dating is now a easier, far less expensive alternative to the singles nightclub.

Men and women, now find relationships online from the comfort of their home computer. The online dating industry offers people everywhere the opportunity to meet smart, attractive, and successful singles in a fun and safe environment.

The problem is there are hundreds of dating web sites out there on the Web, so how can one find a free online dating site ?

With most of the dating sites, you can only take advantage of the FREE trial period after which you got to pay up. Another problem is that it is also quiet a costly affair, if you intend in long term online dating

Then, there is this completely FREE onlite dating site called "Just Say Hi" .. You can sign up with "JUST SAY HI" where you don't have to pay a cent for joining.. It's a completely free dating site. Here, it is;

Free to contact members

Free to receive e-mails and reply to e-mails from members

Free to create your own profile

Free to use the compatibility matching system

Free to view photos, and a

Free messenger where you can converse

Now what more do you want ?

Besides, it only takes less than 60 seconds to create an account.

So CLICK BELOW to find that special someone through Free Online Dating

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