Yes, you read that right – Santa is a total and utter douchebag in the Claymation classic, especially to Rudolph, and it’s about time someone called him out on it!

I mean, this is SANTA CLAUS we’re talking about! He’s supposed to be the holliest jolliest guy who ever lived, and he does nothing but act like a complete asshat through the entire thing. Don’t agree? Read on and then see what you think.

8. Fighting with the Missus. The very first moment we’re introduced to Santa, he’s quarrelling with the wife. He hasn’t eaten a bite of the (admittedly unappetizing, but that’s clay for ya) meal she’s prepared, and he claims he’s too busy to do so. Jerk.

7. The First Visit. When Santa meets Rudolph for the first time, he observes that Rudolph is both sturdy and smart. But the INSTANT Rudolph’s nose glows, Santa says that Rudolph better grow out of it or he’ll never pull Santa’s sleigh. Asshole.

6. The Elf Song. Santa and Mrs. Claus listen to the elves sing “We Are Santa’s Elves,” which the elves worked very hard on. Not only does Santa look bored and annoyed through the performance, when they finish, his exact words are, “It needs work. I have to go.” Cocksucker!

5. The Reindeer Games. Rudolph has the best takeoff of all the young reindeer, likely because of the chubby he gets from Clarice. Santa is impressed, until Rudolph’s nose is revealed. Then not only does he retract his statements of being impressed, he PUBLICLY SHAMES RUDOLPH’S FATHER FOR HAVING A FREAK FOR A SON! Dicksmoker!

4. Rudolph’s Return. Rudolph grows up and comes home, looking for his folks and Clarice. Santa tells him that they’ve been gone for months, out looking for Rudolph. And what exactly have you been doing, Kringle? Just sitting on your fat ass saying, “Well, Rudolph must be dead. Meh.” Bugfucker!

3. The Elf Song, Part II. Mrs. Claus is exhorting Santa once again to eat, and this time he claims he can’t because the elf song coming in from the next room is driving him crazy. You know, the elf song that they worked really hard on? Toolbag!

2. Cancelling Christmas. One of the elves brings Santa a weather report, and in two seconds, Santa decides to cancel Christmas. Cancel Christmas. So because of motherfucking snow – which he’s apparently never dealt with at the North Pole – Santa chooses to disappoint every child on the planet. Hey, aren’t they magic reindeer? Don’t you have a magic sleigh? You’re not even trying! Knob end!

1. Exploiting Rudolph. Santa goes to tell everyone that he’s cancelled Christmas, and once again gets annoyed with Rudolph’s nose. Until he realizes he can use it for his own purposes. Suddenly Rudolph is Santa’s favorite reindeer because his abnormality is of some use. Dillhole!

Remember, the special is all about Rudolph, not a journey that Santa is on from crotchety old coot to the holly jolly gift-giver we all know and love, so Santa’s behavior throughout makes no sense whatsoever. Nuts to you, Santa! (But please still bring me presents.)