Hungry?

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Happy birthday, Keith Richards! Today, rock music’s most legendary codger becomes a septuagenarian. He’s a man of insatiable appetites, a testament to the virtues of excess, and a living middle-finger to all those who denigrate the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. We’re celebrating Richards’s 70th by gathering all the Rolling Stones’ lyrics about food. Our research revealed a few things: for one, the Stones sing about sex, booze, and drugs much more frequently than they sing about food. Two, when they sing about food, as in, say, “Brown Sugar,” they’re most often using it as a metaphor for sex. (Any given issue of Bon Appétit must look downright pornographic to them.) And three, they’re not exactly high-minded eaters. Would you believe that the entire Stones catalog contains not a single reference to kale? It’s true. They’re much more into pizza . . . and horse-meat, it would seem.

Here’s to you, Keith! We hope you’re celebrating hunkered down at a booth in a Ruby Tuesday, eating whatever it is that keeps you 70 years young.