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I don't know what I'm doing.

(I don't know what forum this should be in, mods move it if you want)

I asked on here about not applying to university, and everyone on here, my teachers and my parents basically told me that even if I didn't want to go, I should make a good application anyway, as a backup plan or whatever. I ignored everyone (don't know whether this was a good decision, but it's too late now) and decided not to apply on the basis of a) I wanted to study modern languages, which could be better done by being in foreign countries... b) the only reason I wanted to study modern languages is because I didn't know what else to do ..and c) the thought of signing over four years of my life to another institution/more education really scared me (this was the main reason, and probably the most ridiculous.)

So now I'm looking through au pair agencies to apply for a position as an au pair. I want to go to Los Angeles, my mum says I should go to Paris, on the basis that Paris is relatively close to home which would be important as I'll only just be 18 and I'd learn French. If I'm being honest, the only reason I want to go to LA is because I've spent way too much time watching films and listening to music and thinking that California would be a cool place to live. I can't decide whether it would be better to do something constructive for my future/career etc. (Paris) or something that I just really want to do because I'm young and I can (LA). I think it's a good start that I'm doing something constructive by looking at agencies, but I just don't know what I'm doing at all. So I'll spend a year looking after someone's kids, and then what? One of my teachers made me promise that I'd be special, and that I wouldn't end up just doing something rubbish and boring. I'm just really scared that I'll end up working in a supermarket in Plymouth for years and just doing rubbish nothingy things. I don't think I'm even talking about jobs really, so much as just life.

Having so much empty space ahead of me is really scaring me. Lots of people are trying to get me to see all of this choice and opportunity as a blessing, not a curse, but it only ever seems positive like that when I'm daydreaming, not when I'm planning/being logical.

I don't really know what I'm talking about, so I don't think there's much scope for actual advice, but if anyone has anything useful to say I'd really like to hear it. Even if it's just telling me I'm proper stupid for ignoring everyone's advice.