I don't remember all of the details - the when, why, how. I just remember this one day where I was going through my purse, and I found this ugly brown stick pen. I had never seen this pen before, but it was labeled with some doctor's name and address. How odd, I thought...I don't know this doctor. Perhaps I'm odd, but I spent a good minute trying to think of where I picked up this pen. I ran through the possibilities - stolen from friend (most likely), found lying somewhere (maybe, am I that desperate?), stolen from restaurant (possible, but weird)...anyway, you get the idea. This innocuous pen had just interrupted my train of thought. Unfortunately, the pen was so ugly (and didn't work) that I had to throw it away. I have standards after all!

What's the moral of this story? Everyone needs a lesson on PROPER PEN TROJANIZING:

1. For Pete's sake, don't buy the cheapest pen out there! No one wants a shitty pen that stops working after air touches it.

2. USE THE LINES WISELY...if this is the only contact you have with someone, don't put your ****ing fax number on it. And if your business is called "Creative Services", please explain. I don't have all day to riddle out your pen.