Date: Sun, 19 Jun 2011 13:00:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jezebel
Subject: In Another Life 12
Title: In Another Life.
Author: Jezebel the Temptress
Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything
about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal
knowledge about their private lives. If you are underage for your area, if
it is illegal for you to view such material or if you are opposed to two men
in a loving situation then this story is not for you either.
***
Part 12
***
Following Kevin's return to the studio they settled into a pattern for the
following weeks. Kyle was at home with his brother during the day and
Kevin would come home at night and stay with Jon through his nightly
ablutions. Kyle had his evenings to himself and instead of working as he
had when Julia was alive he was instead able to go out with Alex and build
on their budding relationship. They went out for drinks, to concerts and
to visit the many attractions that Orlando had to offer but had not gone
further than dating. Kyle was almost worried that Alex was not attracted
to him but he remembered that first day and the few since when they had
shared stolen kisses. He put Alex's coldness down to the stress of the
album.
The problem was that the recording of the album was rapidly coming to an
end and there was pressure on the band to choose a single, make a video and
then promote the single so that the album (and subsequent tour) could be
launched from its success. That meant that the single had to be a success
and this meant that it would take a lot of time and money to get things
right.
The record company were looking for assurances that all of the band were
ready and willing to knuckle down and get on with the busy schedule that
they were planning but Kevin was not sure that he could make that
commitment. He had a son now and he was not about to renege on the deal he
had made when he said that Jonny came first. Unfortunately he could not as
the other boys to wait any longer either. He had reached that all
important crossroads and was going to have to decide which direction to
take. He just wasn't sure which way to go.
As with many of the decisions that Kevin had had to make regarding Jon's
well being it was to Kyle that he turned with this latest dilemma. He did
not mean to burden the younger man with so many of his problems but Kyle
was in a unique place to advise him where Jonny was concerned. Despite not
being a parent himself Kyle had practically raised Jonathan for the last
few years and so he was the closest thing to an expert that Kevin had.
Kyle did not see a problem with touring. In fact he offered Kevin a number
of solutions to his predicament.
"The way I see it." Kyle said as he laid it out for Kevin. "You have three
choices: One, Jonathan stays here with me while you are off touring and you
visit as and when you can; Two, you hire someone to be here with him when
you are off on tour and visit as and when you can; Three, you hire someone
to be with him and take him on tour with you."
Kevin frowned. He noticed that Kyle had not offered a fourth option.
"What about you coming on tour and looking after him when I can't be there
for him?" Kevin asked. It appeared a good option to him. That way Jon got
to see both his father and brother on a regular basis without the need for
him to get to know another stranger. It would be hard enough with the
other people that Jon would have to meet. Especially the Boys who were
anxious to meet his son.
"I'm not sure that is the best solution." Kyle said. "Given our past I
don't think that being around the band is the best place for me."
"You'd get to see more of Alex." Kevin countered, thinking this would be a
plus point.
"I'd also be distracting him from his work." Kyle replied level headedly.
"But I will think about it. Either way, perhaps it would be better if you
had a childcare professional to look after Jon. He's past school age
already and should have been in kindergarten last year but Julia didn't
want him in school. I tried my best with him but..." Kyle paused, looking
for the right words. "I think that Jon needs help, not just academically
but psychologically and that is beyond me."
Kevin was surprised that Kyle had admitted this because he saw that Kyle
had done so much for his brother that he would just see this as one more
thing that they would deal with as a family.
"Jon is the most important person in my life." Kyle continued. "And now
that the resources are at his disposal I think we should make full use of
them. I'm not doing this to make my life easier, although it will, I'm
doing this because you have the money and while I don't want anything for
myself I'm not above asking for Jon."
"You shouldn't have to ask for him." Kevin replied, feeling a little guilty
that he was. "I should have already looked into it, it's just with the
album and everything it slipped my mind."
He felt guilty as the words came out because it was not the kind of thing
that a responsible parent would say. He should not let things like his
son's education just slip his mind but there was a lot going on and as long
as Jon was happy and safe Kevin had not been planning for the future. He
was so used to living in the here and now that he had not planned what
would happen when he had a family to care for.
"It's okay." Kyle said. "You're going to do it now and that is what
counts. You also need to arrange for the court visits while we're still
here." Kyle reminded.
Kevin swore as he realised that he had not done it. He had meant to but
again it had slipped his mind. Some days Kevin wondered if Jon really was
better off in his care than he had been with his mother but it was only
wonderment because there was no way that Jon could, or should, go back to
that. Kevin was there for him now and would have to be for at least the
next ten years. There was no other choice.
"I'll make some calls tommorow." Kevin promised.
He also vowed not to let his guard slip again where Jon was concerned. He
had told Kyle that Jon came first. It was about time he started acting
like it.
***
***
Kevin felt guilty when he realised how easy it had been to arrange the
appointment with the court appointed Social Worker that was there to assess
his home. If he were an experienced father then he would have managed to
make plans for her visit a long time before, but he was so used to putting
his career before anything else that it was difficult to change his
priorities. Jonny had turned his life upside down but so far all of the
changes, though hard, were not something he would change for the world.
The Social Worker had arranged to come at 3.00pm so that Kevin could work
for half of the day. Kyle was just as nervous as Kevin about the visit but
they had tried to keep their concerns to themselves because each was scared
at how Jon would react.
Kyle has been caring for his younger brother while Kevin was rehearsing for
the tour. He made it clear that it was just a temporary measure and hoped
that Kevin would arrange for more permanent help once the custody was dealt
with by the court. It was not that Kyle resented looking after his
brother, he would do anything for Jonathan, but he knew that his brother
needed more than he could give him and he wanted the best for him.
The Court appointed Social Worker, Miss Waller, arrived at the house in
plenty of time. She was not used to making visits to the private
neighbourhoods of the Orlando suburbs and was impressed by the grand house.
Still, the report she was writing only had a small section on finance and
it was much more about the child's attachment to his or her parents and
their ability to provide a safe and stable environment than anything else.
She was met at the door by Kyle and made a mental note to check if he was
living permanently at the address. It would be good for Jon if his
continued support included at least regular contact with his brother.
"Hi." Kyle said, as he met her at the door. "Jon is just finishing up
watching 'Finding Nemo'. He is aware that you're coming but we didn't want
to upset him too much by changing his regular routines."
"That's fine." She replied politely. "I know it has been a tough few weeks
for you all."
Kyle smiled politely, saying it had been 'tough' was an understatement but
he didn't want to make a bad impression.
"Kevin is on his way back from the studio. There were some things that he
had to sort out, but he'll be back any minute." Kyle said, leading her into
the lounge area. "Can I get you a drink or something?"
"Does this happen a lot?" The social worker asked. "Is he often called
away to work?"
"He doesn't neglect Jon, if that is what you're implying." Kyle retorted.
"I mean, he's always here to get him up in the morning, or to read to him
at bedtime. He spends a lot of time with him when he has time off and is
working on getting more time off."
"I'm sorry." The social worker replied. "I merely wondered about his work,
I didn't mean anything else by it."
"Sorry." Kyle said. "It's just..."
"I understand." Miss Waller replied with a smile. "I know this isn't the
easiest thing to have a stranger come into your home, but I am here in
Jon's best interests. Now, why don't you tell me a bit about the friends
that Jon has in the area."
Kyle faltered. Jon didn't really have any friends as such. There was him
and that was it.
"We go to the park and the library." Kyle replied. "Jon is still settling
in at the moment but Kevin is looking into school placements."
"That's good." She replied, making a note on her pad. "What about family
and friends? Do you have a strong support network backing you up?"
"There are a lot of friends, the boys and Brian, Kevin's cousin." Kyle
said, leaving out the fact that, as far as he was aware, Kevin had yet to
tell the rest of his family about his son. It couldn't be an easy thing to
break to the family and Kyle didn't want to force Kevin into a
confrontation that he was not ready for, especially because of Kyle's own
track record with the Richardson Clan.
"And can I meet Jon?" She asked. "I'd like to speak to him alone if that
is okay, maybe get him to show me his bedroom."
Kyle nodded. Their lawyer had told them that she would need to speak to
Jon alone but Kyle didn't like it. He hoped that she would not ask Jon too
many hard questions. His brother, having finished his video, revelled in
the opportunity to show someone new his new room and his new toys. He
loved showing off the fact that his Daddy has bought him a bunk bed.
Kyle was surprised when they returned five minutes later and both were
smiling. Jonny usually hated strangers, especially Social Workers but she
appeared to have put him at ease. He had obviously forgotten that this was
the woman that had separated them in the first place.
"It's a very nice house." Miss Waller complimented as Kyle asked what she
thought. "Very spacious, a big garden and lots of room to play."
Kyle was about to comment that he always thought Kevin had pictured a
family living there when the man came through the door.
"Sorrry I'm late." Kevin said, sounding slightly breathless as he walked
through the door. He reached out his hand but was forced out of the way by
a barrelling Jonathan.
"DADDY!!!" Jonny said, forgetting their visitor as he hugged his father.
"I showed Miss Waller my new room, and she liked it. Especially my bed.
She said that it was like I slept in the clouds or something, which is
silly really but it is quite high and she said that it will be good because
I can have friends over to stay..."
Miss Waller smiled as she saw Kevin kneel to get to his son's level and
continue listening to the story that Jonathan was telling. She knew that
there were most likely deeper problems with him but he had certainly come
out of his shell from the reticent boy that she had remembered. The
placement with his father was clearly the best thing, and with added
support, she thought that it was the best family that Jonathan could hope
for. She would make her recommendations for psychological assessment and
further counselling but all in all she thought that though unexpected the
situation may well just work out to be the best.
***
Kevin sat holding his son's hand as they waited to see the child
psychologist that Miss Waller, the Social Worker, had arranged for Jon to
see. Kyle was too anxious to go with his brother and didn't want to see
what a psychologist would say about Jon's less than perfect history so he
had asked Kevin to take his son. It was not a chore for Kevin and he had
readily agreed to do it, if only so that Kyle would take some time off to
himself.
There would be regular appointments for Jon over the next six weeks as a
period of assessment, with the possibility that he would be referred on for
further counselling or support sessions if these were required. It was
often the case that children were resilient to bereavement and other pains
in their young lives but trauma could be repressed and that was never
healthy. Kevin wanted to do right by his son and would make sure that he
got all the support that he needed.
So here they were waiting for the doctor to see them.
"Daddy?" Jon asked as he kicked his feet restlessly against the legs of the
chair. "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"
Kevin coughed slightly at the question, wondering exactly how much you
could say to a six year old.
"Mummy always said that a woman needs a man around the house. Kyle said
that he and I were men but she would always laugh at that. Don't men need
a woman around the house too?" He asked.
Kevin supposed that in a six year old's logic if a woman needed a man, then
a man would need a woman.
"You know what?" Kevin asked. "I don't think that's always true. I think
your Mummy liked to have other adults in the house, someone that she could
talk to and help her with you guys. I have Kyle there to help me."
"Oh." Jon said, clearly thinking the answer through for a moment before he
spoke again.
"What about a boyfriend?" Jon asked.
Kevin's jaw fell open as he realised just how different childhood was these
days to when he was growing up. He would never have been able to ask his
own father about such things.
He tried to find an answer, and was about to call Kyle in a panic when
their names were called and he led his son into the interview room hoping
that the conversation was over. At least the next hour would be easier
than this.
***
"Would you sit down already, you're wearing me out just watching you." Alex
said as he saw Kyle nervously pacing in the lounge room. He had stood to
get drinks but then appeared to detour from the kitchen and instead was
pacing the floor.
"What?" Kyle asked distractedly. "Oh, sorry. I'm just worried about Jon.
Maybe I should have gone with him, I mean, he's not used to being out
without me and I know that he's with Kevin but they haven't really spent a
lot of time alone together and..."
"And that is all the more reason why they should start now." Alex argued.
"I know," he said putting a hand up to stall Kyle's argument "you're
usually there with Jon, and you feel some kind of responsibility for him
but you have to learn to let go, to let people help you and you have to
learn to relax."
Kyle sighed.
"It's just so hard, I'm not used to letting other people do things for us."
AJ grinned wickedly.
"There are a few things that I want to do for you."
Kyle smiled.
"Yeah?"
"Uh huh." Alex replied. "Why don't you come here and I'll show you just
what I mean."
Kyle moved to sit on the couch with Alex and was surprised when he was
pulled down and Alex kissed him.
"I think I can come up with a thing or two to keep your mind off of your
brother." Alex said.
"Really?" Kyle asked.
"Uh huh." Alex replied, kissing Kyle on the nose before pressing his lips
against Kyle's, his tongue pushing against Kyle's lips and begging access.
Kyle allowed the kiss and relaxed into the embrace.
He didn't forget Jon, he couldn't, but for a moment he had something else
to distract him and that was nice. It was good to have something in his
life that was just for him and he allowed himself to enjoy the kissing.
Alex smiled to himself as he felt Kyle relax against him. It was not the
afternoon that he had been hoping for, wanting to take Kyle out and truly
take his mind off of things, but it was a start. He had told Kevin of his
intentions to take things slowly with Kyle but he also wanted to help Kyle
relax a little and regain some independence from Jonathan. Somewhere along
the way Kyle had confused Jon's happiness with his own and AJ was going to
help him realise that he deserved to be happy too. Otherwise Jon would
grow up and leave home and Kyle would suddenly realise that there was
nothing in his life other than an empty space where his brother had been.
When Jon and Kevin returned from their appointment Kyle was relaxing with
Alex on the couch. They hadn't moved from the room but at least Kyle was
watching TV and appeared content to lie in Alex's arms.
"You okay, kid?" Alex asked, looking down at Jon who appeared tired.
"Uh huh." Jon mumbled as he held on to Kevin's hand.
"He's a little tired." Kevin replied. "I think it's naptime."
"I'm okay." Jonny pouted, proving that he was overtired.
"Well, how about you go up and lie on your bed for a little bit and then
you can watch a video later." Kevin said. "You don't have to take a nap,
just rest up a little."
Jonathan seemed to consider this before heading for his room.
When Kyle checked on him a few minutes later his little brother was asleep
on the bed, still wearing one of his shoes and a sock. Kyle smiled,
realising that Kevin was learning how to be a parent, he undressed his
brother and then tucked him in. He would wake up in a couple of hours when
he was hungry.
"Everything okay?" Alex asked softly from behind him.
Kyle turned and smiled.
"I guess so."
They made their way back downstairs, heading for Kyle's room so that they
could have some time alone, only to be stopped by Kevin.
"Jon's sleeping." Kyle said, giving Kevin a conspiratorial smile.
"He asked me earlier if I had a girlfriend or boyfriend." Kevin said.
"Ouch." Alex added, cringing at how you would explain that to a six year
old. He wondered if he had asked his mother embarassing questions like
that as a child and wondered if he should apologise for them now he was
older.
"What did you tell him?" Kyle asked.
"I said that I didn't need anyone, that we were a family, just the three of
us." Kevin replied. "But I wonder how he knew to ask about boyfriends at
all?"
"Kevin, I'm gay." Kyle answered. "I've been gay as long as I can remember
and I've had boyfriends. I've had girlfriends too but less of them. Jon
is a smart boy, he picked things up and I wasn't going to lie to him."
"It's just...I'm not as comfortable talking about it as you are, especially
not with a six year old. I've had to keep my relationships secret because
of my job," Kevin replied. "I didn't know what to tell him."
"You don't have to confide in him about everything." Kyle replied
patiently. "Just tell him the truth. Right now he's most worried about
you deciding you don't want him to stay."
"He said that?" Kevin asked, shocked that he had not noticed that.
"Not directly." Kyle replied.
"Then how did you know?"
Kyle shrugged, not feeling comfortable with where this conversation was
headed and moved towards his room. Kevin didn't try to stop him. He
wanted Kyle to feel as if this was his home. Alex took a few steps to
follow Kyle and then paused, he turned to Kevin and opened his mouth to
speak.
"Did it occur to you that Jonny might not be the only one who is worried
you won't want him to stay?" Alex asked. He didn't give Kevin a chance to
answer before following his lover, but he was already planning on making it
clear to Kyle that even if Kevin threw him out that Kyle would have a place
with him. Kevin was thinking that perhaps it was time to make more of a
commitment to the boys in his life.
***
Kyle lay back on his bed after Alex had left and thought over what Kevin
had said. Jonny had been asking about whether Kevin had a boyfriend or
girlfriend for a reason and Kyle was pretty sure that he knew what that
reason was. Their mother had never been happy without a man in her life,
it was part of her issue with co-dependancy and Kyle knew that she needed a
man to provide for her. Jonathan had learned early on in life that there
were usually two people around and that his Mom was always happier with
someone in her life. Jon obviously thought that Kevin would be happier,
and therefore less likely to get rid of him, if there was someone else in
his life. Kyle wasn't sure that he didn't agree with the sentiment of the
six year old.
Kyle knew that he was the main reason that Kevin had split up with JC. He
knew that Josh and Kevin were happy until they came along and that if Julia
was still alive the pair would probably still be together. Kyle had talked
to Kevin about this before, just after he had come out of hospital, JC
didn't want a family so they had broken up but maybe Josh didn't understand
that he was there too. Jon wasn't too much of a handful and there was no
reason why Kevin and Josh couldn't see each other again.
He kept the thought in his mind as he fell asleep, hoping that some
inspiration would come to him as he slumbered.
***
***
Kevin knew that he needed to sort out his work commitments when he
remembered halfway through feeding Jonathan his lunch that he was due at a
party later that night. It wasn't anything spectacular but Wright
Entertainment Group were hosting it and Kevin knew that attendance was
mandatory.
Kyle was out with AJ and Kevin felt bad asking him to come back, especially
as AJ would be at the same gathering with him later but there was no other
way around it. Unless... Kevin picked up the phone and called management,
checking in with them where the party was, before realising that there was
a way to do this.
The party was being hosted at the Compound. A barbecue and picnic to
celebrate yet another successful year. Family were invited and there would
be other children there. Kevin had spent so long trying to keep his two
lives separate that he had not initially thought about taking his family.
A quick call to AJ made it clear that he had thought about it and had
already invited Kyle.
Kevin smiled.
"Hey, kiddo?" He asked, watching as Jon tucked into his luncheon meat
sandwich, pulling out the meat and bread and leaving his crusts.
"Uh huh." Jon said, not looking up from his lunch.
"Do you want to go out for a picnic this afternoon?" Kevin asked. "There
will be other kids there that you can play with and we can take your
swimming things."
Jon paused, as if he was waiting for Kevin to say something else then
looked up, his eyes shining.
"I can go swimming with the other kids?"
"Sure." Kevin said, realising that his son was probably feeling a little
isolated. "We can take your armbands and float..."
"Will you swim with me too?" Jon asked, he was still slightly unsure of the
water and needed someone with him. It was just one of his many
insecurities that Kevin hoped they would deal with as Jon got more settled
into his new home.
"Sure. And if you ask nicely I bet that Nick or Alex will swim with you
too." He said with a smile.
Jon frowned, still a little uncomfortable around the other Backstreet Boys.
Kevin knew that this was something they would have to rectify and hoped
that this was a start to that.
"Well, you'd better eat up so we can get ready." Kevin said to his son.
Jon nodded but he was back to his demolition job.
Kevin smiled. He felt as if he was making some progress with integrating
the two parts of his life and this felt like a first step. If this worked
out then it would be a lot easier to argue that Jon should tour with them.
***
Kyle was surprised when Alex told him that Kevin was bringing Jon to the
barbeque. He had assumed that Kevin wanted to keep the two halves of his
life separate and had already resigned himself to being in the background
with his brother while Kevin worked as a Backstreet Boy. It made sense for
the two halves to remain separate, both to protect Jonathan from the media
and to protect Kevin's reputation, still, at a small function there would
be a chance for Jonny to meet other kids and spend more time with Kevin's
bandmates. Kyle was a little uncertain about seeing the other Backstreet
Boys again, AJ said they had forgiven him but he could not be certain.
"Stop worrying about this afternoon and kiss me." Alex said, bored with his
lover's mind wandering from their time together. The time they shared as a
couple was so rare and he didn't want Kyle to waste it worrying about
things that didn't matter. The boy was going to give himself an ulcer if
he was not careful and that wouldn't be any fun for Alex. He wanted Kyle
to relax and remember that he was young and carefree.
"Sorry." Kyle said, feeling a little guilty for allowing his concerns about
his brother to encroach on his time with Alex. He knew that AJ would
prefer his complete focus and more than that he deserved it. "My lips are
all yours."
AJ smiled.
"Well, bring them over here and prove you haven't forgotten how to use
them." Alex replied.
Kyle laughed. It had been a long time since anyone had just wanted him to
kiss them and it was nice to be courted for once. He pounced on Alex, who
sat on the sofa, and proceeded to smother him in kisses drawing giggles
from AJ as Kyle also tickled him.
The worries about that afternoon were forgotten, at least for the moment,
and AJ was glad.
They could worry about it when the time came.
***
Kevin looked on as his son stared at the new surroundings as if he was at
Disney World. Kevin wondered what Jon would think of Disney if he was this
in awe of the Compound. Yes, it was a large complex, full of large
buildings and offices but it was nothing new to Kevin and he could not see
it through the eyes of a six year old.
"Daddy, it's so big."
Jon held tightly onto his father's hand, scared that he would get lost in
the sizeable expanse. There had been a guard on the gate as they drove in
and now they walked, for what felt like forever, in order to get to a small
courtyard which was enclosed by high sided buildings. There was a pool, a
large green area, a basketball court and a patio. Everything that anyone
could require if they wanted to live here, and indeed the bands that were
managed by WEG often stayed here for recording or rehearsals.
"There are a lot of people." Jon observed. "Kyle said I'm not supposed to
talk to strangers."
"It's okay." Kevin said as he looked down at his suddenly frozen son.
"I'll make sure that I stay with you."
"And Kyle."
"I think that perhaps Kyle will be with Alex." Kevin replied.
"We can stay with Alex too?" Jonathan suggested helpfully.
"We could." Kevin said. "Or I could introduce you to some of the others.
Then you'll know everyone."
"Maybe." Jon said, not sounding too sure about meeting everyone.
Kevin didn't have a chance to respond as he had been spotted and Nick was
already on his way over.
"Hey there Big Daddy." Nick said as he boundered over to them. "Hey there
Little Man."
"You're Nick." Jon said.
"Well, that's right." Nick said. "And you must be Jonathan."
Nick leaned down towards the younger man and held out his hand. Jon paused
a moment and then reached out to shake it. Nick smiled and then leaned in
and gave the kid a hug too, taking Jon and Kevin by surprise.
"Nick, let the man at least get settled before you pounce on him." Howie
said from behind them as he too made his way over.
Jon looked up, spotted Howie and smiled slightly. Howie thought that he
was being greeted until he saw that Jon's eyes were not on him but just
over his shoulder.
"Alex!!!" Jon called as he forgot his shyness and scampered off towards the
other Backstreet Boy.
Kevin knew that left only one of the boys but he knew that Brian was
hanging back on purpose. The last time that he had seen Jon things had not
gone well and Kevin had lectured him about keeping his distance until Jon
was settled and they were ready to reintroduce him.
"Hey sport." Alex said as he leaned down and picked Jon up, spinning him in
a circle like a windmill, and not caring that Jon was probably too old or
too heavy for him to do it. "I heard that you might be coming out to play
this afternoon. Did you bring your swimming kit?"
"Uh huh." Jonathan replied.
"That's good." Alex responded. "Now, I know you've met Nicky. This is
Howie D." He said as he walked the boy over to Howie. "And the shy guy
over in the corner is Brian. Can you go say Hello to him to?" Alex asked.
Kevin was about to intervene but his son did as he was asked and went over
to his cousin.
"Hi." Jon said as he looked up at Brian. Brian had tears in his eyes as he
looked down at the innocent boy. He knew in his heart that he had wronged
this boy, that he had judged him and in doing so could have caused him a
lot of pain, but that was his own guilt to carry and Jon was forgiving him.
"I know that you don't like us, but Alex said you wanted to say Hi."
"I don't really know you well enough to like you or not, but I'd like to
get to know you." Brian said.
"I'm Jonathan." Jonny said, holding his hand out as Nick had done. Brian
reached down and shook it.
"Pleased to meet you Jonathan."
"Do you like swimming?" Jonny asked.
Brian laughed.
"I love swimming."
"Good." Jon said. "Because Daddy said we're going swimming later and I
think you should come with us. Alex said you might be shy but if we go
together it will be okay."
And just like that Jon papered over whatever misgivings he had about Brian
and held out an olive branch. Kyle had told Brian that at six forgiveness
came more easily than with adults and now Brian was inclined to believe
him. He walked over to his cousin and his bandmates hand in hand with
Jonny and hoped that this would be the start of them reintegrating Jonny
into their lives. If Kevin was going to stay a Backstreet Boy his son
would have to learn to accept his uncles and this would be the first step
towards doing that.
Once the initial introductions were over the afternoon began to move more
quickly, there was food to consume, pick up games of basketball to play and
of course there was the swimming that Jonny kept reminding them about. The
enthuasiasm of the six year old seemed to rub off on all of them and
everyone ended up enjoying the day.
Kyle was on his way back from grabbing a couple of sodas when he saw that
the Backstreet Boys were not the only people there that day. Out of the
corner of his eye he spotted Justin, and in the distance he saw the rest of
the Nsync boys. Intellectually Kyle should have known that they would be
there but he had not thought about seeing JC again.
JC obviously spotted him too as he was on his way over before Kyle could
break eye contact and pretend that he hadn't seen him.
Kyle knew that JC would not try anything like he had before, not in a
public place but it was obvious that he was heading in Kyle's direction and
Kyle wasn't sure he was ready for this confrontation.
"Can I talk to you?" JC asked as he stopped just shy of Kyle.
"Now isn't a good time." Kyle said, indicating the drinks in his hand. "I
need to get back to the boys before they die of thirst."
That was good, Kyle thought, let him know that if he didn't return soon
someone would come looking.
"Later then." JC said. "I really want to talk to you."
"Okay." Kyle said, not wanting to cause a scene. "I'll come and find you
later."
"We're over in that corner." JC replied, pointing to where the other Nsync
members were standing. "I'll be waiting."
Kyle knew that he would have to face this today, but he had other things to
sort out first. He wanted to make sure that Jon hadn't seen Josh because
he knew the other man had scared him that day at Kevin's house and he also
wanted to make sure that at least one person knew where he was.
He headed back to the loungers where the Backstreet Boys had taken
temporary residence and watched as Brian helped Jon rub in his sunscreen.
He was glad that Jon and Brian seemed to be getting along so well because
Brian really was going to make a good dad and Jon needed strong rolemodels
in his life. Brian would make sure that Jon knew right from wrong, even if
his mother had not been able to teach him, and he and the rest of the
Backstreet Boys would also show Jon the love of an extended family.
Kyle put the drinks down and then sat next to Alex, close enough that their
thighs were touching but not close enough that it could be seen as anything
more than close friends.
"Alex, I need you to do me a favour." He said, leaning in close so that
only AJ could hear him. "I need you to stay here with Jonny and the boys
while I sort something out."
AJ followed Kyle's line of sight to the other side of the courtyard where
JC stood talking to Justin.
"No." AJ replied curtly.
"Why not? I just want to talk to him."
"He nearly put you in the hospital last time. I'm not letting him get
anywhere near you."
"I need to speak to him. I need to explain things."
"What is there to explain?" AJ asked curiously. "That if he lays a finger
on you again I'll kill him?"
Kyle sighed.
"I need him to know that I'm not a threat to him, that Jon is not a threat
to him. He may not like it but we're in Kevin's life but Josh is too and
Kevin loves him, he needs him."
"Don't you think that Kevin is old enough to make up his own mind?" AJ
asked.
"No." Kyle said. "Not when it comes to this. He's only reacting to
immediate things right now, he's not thinking six or eight months down the
line. I don't want him to realise a year from now that he has burned his
bridges with JC and resent Jonny for that."
"Fine." AJ said, knowing that Kyle was right on some level and that Kevin
did have too much to worry about. Josh made him happy and none of them
wanted to see that thrown away. "But I'm coming with you."
"No." Kyle replied. "I need you to stay here with Jon."
"Kevin can stay with him, and Brian is here."
"I trust you with him."
AJ turned Kyle to look at him, shock on his face.
"Are you saying that you don't trust Kevin?"
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I mean that if I know you're here with
Jon then I won't have to worry about where you are."
"I'm not happy about you seeing him alone." AJ said. "And I doubt that
Kevin would be either."
"I know, but I need to do this. And I'm going to speak to him, even if I
have to do it on another day when you're not around."
AJ knew that this was not an empty threat. If Kyle got it into his head to
do something he would do it. At least if he did this today then there were
plenty of other people around to act as witnesses and Josh wouldn't act up
in front of company, especially not when they included record executives
and management.
"If he lays a finger on you..." AJ started.
"He won't." Kyle replied certainly. "He caught me by surprise last time, I
wasn't at my best and he got in a lucky punch. I won't let that happen
again."
And as Kyle got up to leave, Alex realised that this was the young man that
he had seen that day at the record signing and again at the hospital. Kyle
might not always know what was best for him but he did know how to protect
himself and he wasn't a child anymore. He had grown up a lot in the years
since AJ had known him and had been through much more than most people
should have to face. AJ knew that Kyle had fought down bigger men than JC
and that he had underestimated him. He hoped that it was not a mistake
that he would make again.
***
Kyle had to admit that despite his appearance of bravery he still felt as
if he was walking into the lion's den as he approached the Nsync boys. He
knew that if the group operated in the same way that Backstreet did that
they protected there own and he was about to face down five men who were
older and fitter than him.
Justin eyed him warily, clearly knowing about the plight of his best
friend, but Josh greeted him with a smile and a nod.
"You want to find somewhere quiet to talk?" Kyle asked, not sure if JC
would want to talk in front of the others and not sure that Kevin would
want his secret son to be known about by the rest of Nsync.
"There is a small office just inside." Josh answered. "I've already asked
Mel if we can use it."
"Did you tell her what for?" Kyle asked.
"No." Josh replied. "I just said I had a few things I wanted to sort out.
We can trust her to make sure we're not disturbed."
Kyle nodded, following Josh towards the building.
"If you're not out in ten minutes, I'm coming after you." Justin warned.
Kyle wondered if Justin knew the full details of his last encounter with
JC. If he did then he would know that he had more to fear from JC than
Josh had from him. Still, as he had thought the boys would protect their
own and he was a stranger that was threatening one of their brethren.
"It's okay, Jup." Josh replied. "Shall we?" He said as he opened the door.
Kyle didn't respond, instead stepping inside and viewing the pictures of
Nsync, The Backstreet Boys and various other artists that adorned the walls
as they weaved their way into the bowels of the WEG Compound and finally
reached the empty office space. Kyle wondered for a moment if he would
remember the way out but was pleasantly surprised to see that the office
had a view of the courtyard and that he could easily see his way out.
"First of all, I want to apologise." Josh said as Kyle settled down. "I
know that it isn't nearly enough but I need you to know that I didn't mean
a lot of the things I said and that..."
"Apology accepted." Kyle said. "Was that all?"
"No." Josh replied. He took a moment to compose himself and then
continued. "How's Jonathan settling in? Kevin mentioned that he lost his
Mom recently."
"We both did." Kyle responded. "And he's doing as well as can be expected
given the circumstances. Kevin's been great but Jonny still misses his
Mommy."
"How is Kevin coping?" Josh continued.
"He's doing okay." Kyle replied. "He doesn't really talk a lot about the
way things are, but he hasn't walked out on us."
Josh hung his head, as if he felt guilty and Kyle realised what he said
could have been misconstrued.
"I didn't mean..."
"No, it's okay." Josh replied. "I made a hasty decision and I'm paying for
it now."
"You didn't sign up for dating a single parent father, I get that. I've
had enough relationships fizzle out when my lover realised that I had a kid
in tow." Kyle said, wondering if he said too much when a frown passed over
Josh's face.
"Wait, I thought..."
"God, you really don't know a lot about us do you? Jon is my brother, but
Julia wasn't exactly the poster child for motherhood. She had a lot of
issues and I spent a lot of time with Jonny, I still do."
"From what I've seen today, you did a good job." Josh replied truthfully.
"I wish that I had a chance to get to know him better."
Kyle didn't respond to that.
"Do you think that Kevin would let me have another chance?"
Kyle knew that JC was expecting him to say that Kevin never wanted to see
him again from the look on his face. Part of him wanted to tell him that,
wanted to keep JC as far away from them as possible but he knew that in the
long run Kevin needed this man in his life. Kyle didn't know a lot about
their relationship but he knew from how hurt Kevin had been that they were
in love and he didn't want Kevin resenting Jonny when he grew up that he
had caused their break up.
"I think that if you ask Kevin out, or invite him over one night that he'll
come. I don't know him that well but he's lonely, and I think he misses
you." Kyle replied. "I'll even put in a good word for you with him."
"Thanks." Josh replied, but was interupted by Kyle who had not finished.
"But I don't want you anywhere near my brother."
"What? Why?"
"Kevin didn't tell you how my mother died, did he?" Kyle asked, not really
needing to know the answer. If Kevin had told Josh he wouldn't need to ask
why. "Julia's boyfriend was a violent drunk who liked to push her around.
He beat her to death and then beat me because I was trying to protect her.
Jonny saw that happen. I was in hospital for nearly 2 months recovering,
Jon had barely been out of foster care and at home a week when you came
into his new home and hit me again."
Josh was pale, shaking slightly as he heard the words and Kyle knew that he
was being harsh but although he wanted Kevin to be happy he also wanted to
protect his brother.
"Jon has a lot of issues surrounding the night my Mom died, as well as
issues from before, and I don't need those compounded by your presence.
He's scared of losing Kevin and if he sees you...I just don't want it to
bring anything back."
There was a silence between them as Kyle waited to see what Josh would say,
but he said nothing.
"I'm not saying that you'll never have a place in Jon's life, he's going to
need a lot of people around him that care about him, but at the moment he
needs to be settled and safe."
"Maybe I should just stay away permanently." Josh replied.
"I hope you won't." Kyle replied. "I meant it when I said that Kevin
missed you and I think that in the long run you could be good for him, and
maybe for Jonny too."
"But you said that I'm not safe to be around Jon."
"Not at the moment, but to be honest I don't think Jon should be around
anyone new at the moment, unfortunately we don't have that luxury so I'm
just trying to protect him from what I can."
"But you really think that Kevin wouldn't mind if I call?"
"Well, if you try and he doesn't hang up on you it'll be a start." Kyle
joked.
Josh didn't laugh.
"What about us?" Josh asked. "Will we be okay?"
"I'm not going to lie to you, I doubt that I'll ever forget what you did
but I've forgiven it and I'm willing to try to move on if you are." Kyle
replied. "I know that you don't think it now but we do have a lot in
common, we both want what is best for Kevin in the long run, albeit for
different reasons."
"Why are you doing this?" Josh asked. "Why are you even talking to me?
You could have told me to leave you alone and I wouldn't have been able to
do anything about it. You could have told Kevin that I was hassling you
and you never would have seen me again. I know that Kevin loves me but I
don't doubt for a second that he doesn't love his son more."
"Truthfully, I'm doing this for my brother."
"It sounds like you do a lot for him. He's lucky to have you."
"If it wasn't for me he would be a lot luckier." Kyle said, his own past
demons showing through.
Josh didn't comment and Kyle was glad he had let it lie.
"Call Kevin, speak to him, ask him out again and I'll try to put in a good
word."
"Thank you."
"I hope it all works out." Kyle said, heading for the door and leaving Josh
alone with his thoughts.
As he shut the door he let out a sigh of relief and made his way back to
the boys. Jon was happily playing in the pool with Brian and Nick,
completely oblivious to the fact that his brother had gone. Kevin and
Howie were talking to some other guests and it was only Alex that was
sitting looking at him intently.
"Everything okay?" Alex asked as Kyle sat next to him.
Kyle nodded, not sure if he was ready to talk.
"You want to go?" Alex asked. "I can make some excuses and we can get out
of here, find somewhere to talk if you want to be alone."
"No." Kyle said, finding his voice. "I'm okay."
"Alright, but if you change your mind, let me know." Alex said.
Kyle nodded and turned his attentions to the pool.
"Kyle, come and play with us." Jon shouted as he met his brother's eyes.
Kyle smiled as he saw the innocence on his brother's face. There had been
so many years when he had not seen that smile that it was a treasure to see
it now. He meant what he said to Josh, he wanted his brother to be happy
and to be a part of a family. He hoped that this was the start of that and
turning to smile at Alex he thought that maybe this might be the start of
his own family too.
***
***
Kyle Maddox hadn't been this nervous since his Junior Prom when he wanted
to ask Jack Adderson but had ended up going with Wendy Prentice instead.
He was waiting for Alex to pick him up for their date, not that it was the
first time that they had been out together, but this was going to be their
first official date. Of course Kyle had dated before but he had never gone
out with a world famous popstar before. Alex had millions of adoring fans,
both male and female, around the world who adored him and he could have his
choice of any one of them. Kyle wasn't sure that he could match up.
Alex had invited Kyle over for dinner. A chance for him to get out of the
house and for them to spend some quality time together. Had they been an
ordinary couple, Alex had said, they could go to a restaurant but because
of who AJ was they would have to stay in. Alex had looked guilty when he
said this, adding that it was not that he was ashamed of Kyle but that he
didn't want the public to know. Kyle had just smiled and replied that he
understood, he didn't want to be outed to the world's press either and that
for both their sakes it was worth keeping their relationship between
themselves. Alex had liked that answer.
Kyle didn't feel too comfortable with leaving Jon alone but Kevin would be
there and the pair of them were getting on much better now that Kevin had
some time with his son. Jon's confidence was growing daily and though he
and Kevin had not discussed it, Kyle was sure that his brother was almost
ready to try school. Kyle was pulled from his thoughts by Kevin returning
from putting Jonny to bed.
"All set?" Kevin asked when he saw that Kyle was waiting for Alex to pick
him up.
Kyle nodded, his eyes intent on the screen although Kevin was pretty sure
that he wasn't seeing what he was watching.
"You know, we should really look into getting you a car." Kevin mused as
Kyle continued to watch the television. "I could always put you on my
insurance. I assume that you can drive."
"Yeah." Kyle responded. "I had a car for a while, but had to sell it."
Kevin didn't ask anymore. A young man had to have wheels these days, but
it was pretty obvious that from Kyle's tone that he had to sell it to pay
off a debt of his mother's or to pay the rent.
"Well, you can take the Escalade or the BMW." Kevin said. "I'll call the
broker and get you added to the insurance tommorow."
"Thanks." Kyle said, turning to smile at Kevin.
There was a brief pause, neither one spoke, then Kyle sighed and rubbed a
hand over his face. He had wanted to talk to Kevin about JC but didn't
know how to broach the subject. He supposed this was as good a time as
any.
"Are you sure this is okay?" Kyle said. "Me going out."
Kevin laughed.
"Of course it is." He responded. I don't know what I did to make you think
that you had to stay here with Jonny all day..."
"You didn't," Kyle was quickly refuted Perhaps a little too quick. "Sorry,
it's just that I'm so used to being around him that this takes a bit of
getting used to, having someone else that I can trust to look after him."
"You deserve to go out and live your life." Kevin said, "And if you want to
get a job, or go back to college or anything else, then we can look at
alternatives. I want you to be settled and happy just as much as I want
that for Jonathan."
"You can go out too." Kyle responded, kicking himself for allowing the
conversation to escape him. Here he was supposed to be talking about JC
and instead they were talking about him.
"I already have a job." Kevin joked.
"I mean, if you want to go out on a date, or with a friend or something."
Kyle responded. "I don't mind staying in with Jon, I've never been much of
a party animal."
"You'll have an interesting time with Alex then." Kevin said, trying to
keep the discussion light.
"I mean it." Kyle said. "I know that you and Josh had an argument but
there is no reason that you can't call him, even if you go out as friends.
Or you could do something with Brian or..." Kyle tried to think about any
other friends that Kevin might have, he came up short.
Kevin's face clouded slightly, his dark eyebrows knitted into a frown.
"Why would you defend him?" He paused, his face became suspicious as the
realisation hit him. "Did he threaten you at the barbecue?" Kevin asked.
He had known that Nsync were there but did not think for a minute that any
of them would have approached Kyle.
"No." Kyle responded hastily.
"He did, didn't he?" Kevin asked when he heard Kyle's too quick response.
"No, I mean, he didn't threaten me. We talked." Kyle said. "I explained a
few things to him, about Jon and I."
"He didn't want anything to do with you when I spoke to him."
"Kev, we all make rash decisions in the spur of the moment." Kyle said.
"I still don't think that I can forgive him." Kevin said. "Not after what
he did to you, not after how scared Jonny was by it. He won't want me to
be around Josh."
"And Josh knows that." Kyle said. "I've told him that he's not going
anywhere near Jon if I can help it, although as his father that is your
decision, but there is no reason that the two of you can't at least try,
even if you only end up as friends."
Kyle was about to say more when there was a click as the door opened. It
took a moment to realise that it was Alex. Kyle still found it odd that
his lover had keys to his house, but all of the Backstreet Boys had access
to each other's houses. Despite not being blood, they were brothers in the
truest sense of the word.
"You ready to go?" Alex asked, poking his head around the door.
Kyle looked at Kevin, then looked meaningfully at the phone. His silent
way of telling Kevin to call Josh. Then he turned to Alex.
"Yeah. I'm ready."
Alex watched Kyle move towards him, grabbing a bag as he did so. He leaned
in and kissed him, not caring that Kevin was watching and then headed out.
"I told you that you didn't need to bring anything." Alex said as they
settled in the car. He was looking at Kyle's bag as he did so.
"I thought that I might stay over." Kyle replied, sounding uncertain. "If
that's okay with you."
Alex grinned in response.
"That's definitely okay."
***
Kevin tried to follow the film that he was watching but even the mindless
violence of Die Hard could not hold his attention. Kevin was too busy
thinking about what Kyle had said, about phoning Josh. He hated him for
what had happened with Jon and Kyle but he knew that this was not JC's
fault. If Kevin had told him what was going on, if he had involved him in
his life or at least mentioned that he had a friend staying then Josh would
not have come to his house expecting the worst.
Kevin reached for the phone, picking it up and dialling the familiar
number. It rang once and then connected.
"Hello?" A sleepy voice asked.
Kevin's eyes raised to the clock on the DVD player and he realised that it
was after twelve.
"Sorry for calling so late..." He began, if it were a few weeks ago he
would not have needed to apologise, he might even have been in bed with
Josh when the phone rang.
"Kevin?" Josh asked, his voice clearing as he woke a little more. "Are you
okay?"
Kevin guessed that he deserved that, after all it was late.
"I'm fine, I'm sorry I woke you..."
"No." Josh interupted. "It's fine."
"I just..." Suddenly Kevin realised that he didn't know what to say. "I
spoke to Kyle."
"Yeah?" Josh asked, sounding uncertain. He wondered if Kevin had called
him to reprimand him for speaking with Kyle.
"He said that I should call you." Kevin said. "He mentioned that you spoke
with him at the barbecue."
"I wanted to apologise. I acted like a jerk and I didn't want him to hate
me for it." Josh said. "He told me a few things, about Jonathan. I'm
sorry I overreacted, is Jon doing okay?"
Kevin smiled, hearing the concern in his lover's voice. He supposed he
shouldn't call Josh that now that they were broken up but a part of him
still wanted to believe that there was hope for them.
"He's fine." Kevin replied, realising that he hadn't answered Josh's
question. "He's still a little insecure, needs a lot of reassurance but
we're getting there."
"That's good." Josh replied.
"I wondered...That is..." Kevin stuttered, trying to find a way to talk.
"We're in rehearsals for the tour at the moment, and I know that you're
recording but I wondered if you wanted to get together one night."
"I'd love to." Josh replied, trying to sound casual. "Why don't you come
over here tommorow evening? Unless you want to go out..." JC added when he
realised that his house was not exactly neutral ground. It was difficult
to go out together without getting noticed but they had found a few
discreet places where they could meet without getting spotted.
"No, your place is fine."
"So, tell me what else you've been up to..." Josh said, wanting to hear
more of Kevin's voice. He had missed the other man and as Kevin told him
about Jon and Kyle he realised that he had missed a large part of his life
as well. That was something that he would make up for it Kevin gave him
the chance.
***
The drive to Alex's house was short and silent. Kyle was still thinking
over what he had said to Kevin, thinking about what Kevin had said to him
about getting a life of his own, about the possibility of going back to
school and all of the things that he had not thought about, had not dared
to think about in so long. Kyle was realising more and more that his life
for the last few years had centred around his brother, and now he had
people to help him out with Jon he was seeing that there was more that he
could do.
"You okay?" Alex asked, as they pulled up in front of Alex's palatial home.
"You're awfully quiet."
"Sorry." Kyle replied.
"It's okay." Alex said. "But if you want to talk..."
Kyle shook his head, bringing himself back to reality and turning to Alex.
He waited for the other man to stop the car and then leaned over and kissed
him.
"Okay." Alex said. "I guess that means you don't want to talk, but can we
at least eat first?"
Kyle laughed.
"Hey, I wasn't joking." Alex replied, a smile on his face. "I'm thinking
that I'm going to need to keep my strength up tonight."
"What were you planning for dinner?" Kyle asked as he took a seat and
allowed Alex to do the same.
"I wasn't sure what you would prefer." Alex answered.
"Let's order in Pizza, we can veg out on the sofa with it." Kyle said.
Alex laughed.
"What?" Kyle asked self conciously.
"Nothing." Alex said with a shake of his head. "It's just that most of my
dates usually expect a candlelit dinner with their own personal waiter when
they find out what I do for a living."
"Well, I'm pretty low maintenance." Kyle replied. He wasn't sure if that
was a good thing or not but he really didn't need a lot to make him happy.
Alex was probably used to the finer things in life, but Kyle hadn't the
luxury to expect those things, Kyle didn't really see the point in them.
"That's good."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Alex replied. "When I get in from rehearsals the last thing that I
want to do is worry about organising a three course meal or composing a
love poem that will entice my date into bed."
"You can always recite Nsync lyrics." Kyle replied with a smile.
"Well, if God spent a little more time on you it certainly wasn't on your
sense of humour." Alex replied, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket
and flipping it open. "Now, what did you want on your pizza?"
"You have the pizza delivery number programmed into your phone?" Kyle
asked.
Alex raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'who doesn't?'
"Ham and Mushroom." Kyle said. "With extra cheese."
Alex nodded, already speaking with the service and placed his order, adding
his own Margherita and a side order of garlic bread. Kyle watched him,
waiting till Alex was off the phone before speaking.
"How long?"
"It'll be here in thirty minutes." Alex said. "What do you want to do
until then?"
Kyle moved over to him, pushing AJ back against the seat and waggled his
eyebrows.
"I can think of a few things."
***
After the pizza had been consumed, AJ and Kyle lay sprawled on the sofas
too stuffed to move.
"Urgh." Alex said as he reached for the remote and flicked the channel. "I
can't believe that with over 200 channels there is still nothing on."
"We could watch a movie." Kyle said from his own position on the other
sofa.
"That would mean moving." AJ said, signalling to the shelves full of DVDs
at the other end of the room.
"Well, we can always talk." Kyle said.
"I could charm you with my wit and intellect." Alex replied.
Kyle laughed.
"What wit and intellect?"
"Hey." Alex said, throwing a cushion and missing Kyle's head by a mile.
"If I wasn't so totally stuffed full of pizza right now, I would kick your
ass."
"Yeah, right." Kyle replied.
Alex huffed, rolling over and feebly hit Kyle's leg. There wasn't much of
him that he could reach from his position but he felt that he had to at
least make an effort to defend his honour.
Kyle laughed and moved his legs out of the way.
"That's it." Alex said. "This means war." Kyle thought the words would
have had more impact if Alex had moved. "Just as soon as I can get up off
this sofa."
Kyle laughed again and the pair of them lay in a comfortable silence for a
while just revelling in feeling full and happy.
"You know, this wasn't what I had planned for tonight." Kyle said after
thirty minutes of sharing a silence with AJ.
"Hmmm?" Alex asked sleepily.
"I was planning much more than lounging around with you." Kyle said. "But
this is nice."
"It's good to just take stock of your life every now and then. To remember
what you have to be grateful for." Alex agreed. "Of course that doesn't
mean that we can't play a little later. We have all night."
Kyle smiled at that.
"We sure do."
***
***
Later that night, after their heavy dinner had settled, Kyle settled next
to Alex on the sofa and moved to kiss him. The kiss started off innocent,
just a small show of emotion, but Alex deepened it quickly and soon both
were lost in the intimate sensation of one tongue stroking against the
other. Kyle wrapped his hand around the nape of Alex's neck, pulling him
close and it was with great reluctance that Alex drew away panting and
desperate to regain his breath.
"Alex?" Kyle asked confused as he reached for Alex again.
"Wow." Alex said, a smile spreading across his face.
"So why did you stop?" Kyle asked.
"Because I don't want to rush this with you." AJ replied. "I told Kevin
that you meant more to me than just a quick fuck and I want to mean that."
"Alex, much as I like the fact that you respect me enough to take things
slowly, we don't have to move backwards." Kyle said. "I told you that I
had plans for tonight and I meant that." He said, mirroring AJ's words.
AJ took a deep breath and looked straight at Kyle.
"What if I said that I'm not sure that I'm ready to move that quickly?"
Alex asked.
"Then I'd agree to wait." Kyle said. "But I want you to know that you
don't have to wait for me. I'm ready when you are. So, Do you want to
take this up to the bedroom?"
Alex saw the hungry look in Kyle's eyes and nodded, not trusting his voice
to speak. He loved how much Kyle cared about his brother but realised that
there was more to him than that, Kyle was a young man with needs beyond the
intimacy of a relationship and AJ was beginning to appreciate that he knew
how to get them. It was hard to remember that Kyle was not the same young
man that he had known before and that Kyle knew what he wanted. Who was
Alex to deny him that?
He stood, reaching a hand for Kyle and pausing only to allow Kyle to grab
his bag. He was pretty sure that they wouldn't need anything in the bag
until the morning but if Kyle wanted to bring it with him then that was up
to him.
Alex led Kyle up to his room, hoping that it was not more ostentatious than
the young man expected, and was glad when Kyle merely smiled at the large
bed with black sheets and a red throw folded at the end of the bed.
"This is great." Kyle said, sensing Alex's apprehension. "Very masculine.
Just what I expected really."
"Yeah." Alex said. "It's one of the few rooms that I didn't show on my MTV
Cribs. A little too personal, you know."
"Well then, I'm glad that you decided to share it with me." Kyle responded,
making light conversation now as the nerves set in.
"It's not the only thing that I want to share with you." Alex said as he
pulled Kyle towards him for another kiss. Kyle allowed the kiss and let AJ
take the lead.
AJ pulled Kyle towards the bed and sat down on the edge, drawing the
younger man down with him as he did so. Alex lay back and pulled Kyle to
lay on top of him, making sure that Kyle wouldn't squash him in the
process.
"Is this okay?" Alex asked as he moved his lips from Kyle's and to his
neck. His hands skated across Kyle's chest and he began to unbutton his
shirt.
"Yeah." Kyle said as he sighed contentedly. He brought his own hands up to
Alex's shirt and mirrored his movements as AJ undressed him.
The boys continued kissing, exploring each other's mouths and allowing
their hands to roam across the expanse of bare skin that their shirts had
freed but Kyle could feel his cock pressing against the zipper of his pants
and knew he wanted to free it. Pulling away from AJ he stood and reached
for his buttons. Alex felt Kyle pull away and wondered if this had been
too fast after all.
"What?" Alex asked. "Too Fast?"
"Not fast enough." Kyle said, as he shucked his jeans and showed his hard
cock for the first time. "Take yours off too."
"We don't have to..." Alex began, but was cut off by Kyle's raised eyebrow.
There was no way that he was going to let the younger man walk away with
his diamond hard cock, he couldn't leave him wanting.
"Off." Kyle prompted as Alex hesitated.
Alex didn't need to be told again and started to remove his own slacks. He
pulled his boxers off too and threw them onto a heap on the floor. Kyle
had come back to the bed and was laying down next to him.
"That's better." Kyle said, as he allowed his eyes to feast on the newly
exposed flesh. Kyle ghosted a hand over Alex's chest, avoiding his nipples
and heading straight for his tattoo on his stomach. "I always thought this
was cool." Kyle said as he traced the six and nine a few times, watching as
AJ's stomach trembled slightly at his touch. Kyle allowed his finger to
dip once, twice into Alex's navel before letting his hand meander further
down, feeling the coarse pubic hair and then finding Alex's cock.
Alex gasped at the sensation. Kyle began to stroke him to full hardness
and Alex knew that he would not last. These last weeks with Kyle had been
amazing but taking things slowly had taken their toll. He was not used to
going without and everything he felt with Kyle was now coming to a head
after weeks of tantalising teasing.
"You like that, don't you?" Kyle breathed rhetorically into Alex's ear as
he moved closer. One of Kyle's legs was wrapped around Alex's as he tried
to get impossibly close.
Alex couldn't talk, but if he could he would demand who had taught Kyle
this method of seduction. He didn't want to think about Kyle's past lovers
but someone had taught this boy something and he was glad that he got to
benefit from that. He was sure that as their relationship progressed he
would find out more.
Alex's thoughts halted when Kyle's hand stopped its slow stimulation and
pulled away.
"That tattoo is giving me wicked ideas." Kyle said as he moved his hand to
again trace AJ's tattoo. It had been a joke when he had it done, a tease
to all the older fans in the audience and a joke with the lads that their
other fans would not understand it.
"Yeah?" Alex asked lamely, he couldn't think when Kyle was touching him.
"I can see that you're up for it too." Kyle joked with an obvious double
entendre.
"It's been a while." Alex replied. He didn't want to get into the details
of his sex life now but he rarely sucked anyone off - usually he was the
one on the receiving end of the blow jobs and there were more than enough
people that wanted that. "But I think I remember how it works."
"I hope so." Kyle laughed, giving Alex's cock a stroke.
Alex was about to ask whether he should move when Kyle twisted on the bed
and was laying in the perfect position, his face in front of Alex's cock
and his cock next to Alex's face. Again AJ was left wondering if Kyle
wasn't a lot more experienced than he had given him credit for. Alex
wanted to ask but lost all conscious thought when Kyle took his hard member
in his mouth and started to suck him. He was surprised that he even
remembered that Kyle wanted something too because Kyle was doing such a
fine job, but Alex managed to find Kyle's cock and return the favour.
Kyle worked his way down Alex's length, his tongue swirling around the head
and driving Alex insane as he did so. He managed to take his whole
impressive erection down into his throat and Alex felt like a rank amateur
when he felt some of the moves that Kyle was showing him. Alex tried his
best to reciprocate and hoped that his clumsy attempt was not too
unpleasant.
Alex felt his balls tighten as Kyle again swiped his tongue across his slit
and tried to move away but Kyle captured his hips and pulled him closer as
he came. Alex continued to work Kyle a few seconds more before he felt
Kyle pull away, he mirrored Kyle's move but coughed a little as Kyle came
in his mouth.
"You okay?" Kyle asked as he moved up the bed, a grin on his face.
"Yeah." Alex said. "Sorry about that."
"You have *nothing* to be sorry for." Kyle said. "That was fantastic."
"Yeah, but..."
Kyle laughed.
Alex frowned.
"I can't believe that someone who has such a sexual image is concerned
about their performance. You were incredible."
"Thanks." Alex said, feeling a mixture of relief and embarassment at the
praise. "You were good too."
Kyle moved away from Alex slightly and for a moment Alex worried that he
was going to leave now that the deed was done. But a few moments later
Kyle came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Alex got a perverse
thrill from thinking about Kyle walking through his house wearing nothing
but his smile.
"I thought we could have another drink before round two." Kyle said with a
small smile. He poured the two glasses and handed one to AJ.
"You want to make a toast?" Alex asked.
"To us?" Kyle asked, raising his glass.
"To us." Alex responded, as he chinked the glasses together. A smile
played on his lips as he realised that things were really going to work
out.
***
******
Alex woke the next morning to an empty bed, that wasn't a strange sensation
for him after the last few weeks but it was strange given that he had spent
the night with Kyle. He was about to leave the warm cocoon of his blankets
when he saw Kyle coming into the room. He was carrying a tray with
breakfast and juice.
"What are you doing up so early?" AJ asked him, a smile playing on his
lips. "I thought you would know that we have the day off."
"I do." Kyle said. "The problem is that Jon has an appointment with his
psychologist today and I promised Kevin that I would go with him.
Apparently the doctor wants us all to sit down together for some family
therapy."
"Do you need me to come with you?" Alex asked.
"That's sweet of you but no." Kyle answered. "I think this is something
that we need to do alone."
"Well, call me when you're done." AJ replied. "Maybe we can get together
tonight."
"Okay." Kyle replied. "Now, eat your breakfast."
Alex looked down and smiled when he saw that Kyle had made pancakes. AJ
hadn't been sure that he even had the stuff for pancakes in his kitchen and
was glad to have someone that could cook around the house. It felt right
to wake up to Kyle and having breakfast in bed was nice too.
"What about you?" Alex asked when he saw that there was only one plate.
"I already ate." Kyle said.
"What time is it?" Alex asked, wondering if he had laid in and was missing
out on his day off.
"It's a little after 8." Kyle said.
Alex groaned.
"Do you need me to take you back to Kevin's?" Alex asked, dreading the idea
of leaving the safety of his bed at this ungodly hour on one of his few
days off that month.
"Kevin is going to pick me up." Kyle replied. "He told Jonny that I came
over for breakfast with you this morning."
Alex laughed. "You think the kid will believe him?"
"I hope so." Kyle responded. "If he finds out that I came to sleep over
he'll want to come with me next time."
"That wouldn't be such a chore." Alex said with a smile. He liked Jonny
and didn't want to separate Kyle from his brother. In some ways AJ was
envious because the Boys were the closest things that he had to a brother.
"You don't think so now, but you haven't tried to put a hyper six year old
to bed while all the adults are staying up." Kyle answered, although he was
glad that Alex was willing to accept his relationship with his brother as a
fact of life.
Alex chuckled and started on his pancakes. He would defer to Kyle on
matters regarding children because the closest thing he had to kids was his
younger fans and Alex wasn't sure that counted because he never had to deal
with them without their parents around.
***
Kevin picked Kyle up at a quarter to nine for their appointment. Jonny was
busy telling Kyle all about his favourite show and what had happened that
morning but as soon as they got to the doctor's office he quietened. Kyle
wondered if his brother was nervous but did not ask, instead he took out
the crayons and colouring book that Kevin had thought to pack and allowed
his brother to draw.
"I wanted to ask about what we talked about last night." Kevin said when
Kyle sat down again. "About going out."
"I'm fine, really." Kyle said. "You don't have to worry about me getting
out and meeting people. I'm happy with things the way they are."
"Actually, I meant me." Kevin replied. "I called Josh last night and he
invited me over this evening."
"Oh." Kyle said.
"I was hoping you might stay in with Jonny, I know that it's a lot to
ask..."
"No, that's fine." Kyle said. He had made plans with Alex but he could
change them. "Do you think you might be staying over?"
Kyle wasn't sure that it was any of his business but he needed to know if
Kevin would be there in the morning. Jonny was still insecure and if he
expected his Daddy there in the morning and he wasn't there then he would
worry. Kyle knew it would be a problem with Kevin went on tour but they
would deal with that issue when it arose.
"No, nothing like that." Kevin said, although he hoped that was where it
was headed. "I just can't ask Josh to the house at the moment, not with
Jonny there."
"Maybe you should if he is going to be a part of your life again." Kyle
said, although Josh was the last person he wanted to be around his brother
right now.
"Perhaps in a few months, when things are settled." Kevin replied. "But I
don't think that Jon can deal with that right now and I'm not sure that
Josh is ready for that either."
"Jonathan Maddox?" The receptionist asked as she looked at Kevin. Kyle
looked up and realised that they were being called in.
"This is Jonny." He said, indicating to his brother. "Jon, you need to put
away your things now. We have to see the doctor."
"We prefer the term counsellor." The receptionist told him quietly.
"But he is a doctor." Jon said, looking up from his packing. "Doctor
Marney. It says on his desk. But he said to call him Colin."
Kyle smiled at his brother and helped him pack up the last of his crayons.
Sometimes he loved his brother's way of knowing just what to say.
***
Doctor Colin Marney, MD PhD was a child of the sixties that clearly
believed that all the world's problems could be solved if you talked about
them. He wore jeans and mismatched socks and Kyle had to wonder at the
sanity of anyone that would refer a child to him for psychiatric
assessment. Still, Jon seemed to like him and talked more freely with the
doctor than Kyle had ever seen him talk to a stranger.
"Jonny, why don't you take the toys into the other room while I chat with
Kyle." The doctor said to Jon.
Jonny looked to his brother and then nodded soberly.
"I'll just be over there if you need me." Jonny said, pointing to the
corner and mirroring the action that Kyle would have done if he were
leaving Jonny alone with someone.
"Kyle?" The doctor started. "I was wondering if you could help me clarify
a few things in Jonathan's statements."
"Okay." Kyle said suspiciously. He didn't want anyone delving into his
history and judging him.
"You're Jonathan's half-brother, is that right?"
"Yes."
"And he lived with you and your mother until her death."
"Yes."
"But your mother wasn't around a lot."
"Jonny told you that?" Kyle asked.
"Children are amazingly perceptive." The doctor responded. "It doesn't
matter what we try to shield them from they tend to know a lot more than we
think they do."
"What else did he tell you?" Kyle asked suspiciously.
"Jon knew that your step father was hitting you."
"Gary wasn't my step father." Kyle replied abruptly.
"He told me his name was Andy." The doctor replied. "The same man that
locked him in a..."
"Kevin, can you go and sit with Jonny for a second." Kyle said, interupting
the doctor.
Kevin didn't move.
"Mr. Richardson, I think it might be best if you waited outside." The
doctor said, adding his weight to the argument.
"Please?" Kyle pleaded.
"Okay." Kevin replied. "But we'll talk later."
"I will tell you if there is anything in this discussion that you need to
know that concerns your son's development." The doctor replied to Kevin.
Kyle waited till he was gone before he spoke again.
"You didn't need to do that in front of him. Kevin knows a little of
Jonny's history, and I'm sure that as things come up we'll talk more about
it, but you don't need to tell him like that."
"What about your history Kyle?" The doctor asked.
"That doesn't matter." Kyle responded. "Jonny is who matters."
"Did it occur to you that you matter to your brother?" The doctor asked.
"Or that he feels guilty about what happened to you."
"That's absurd. He was a baby."
"And you were little more than a child yourself." The doctor replied.
"It's not your fault anymore than it is his."
"I know." Kyle replied, but what he knew was that it was his fault that
Jonny had to live through the anger and pain that he had witnessed. If he
had not intervened in his mother's marriage to Kevin then they would have
never had to move out and never had to live as they had done for the first
five years of Jonathan's life.
"I'm not so sure you do." Doctor Marney replied. "I think that maybe you
need to see someone just as much as your brother."
"I'm fine." Kyle responded defensively. "I don't need counselling, I just
need to know that Jonny is going to be okay. Now, unless you have anything
else you need to ask me I will ask Kevin back in and you can talk to Jon
again."
"You can't run away from this Kyle." The doctor said as he watched the
young man stand and start towards the door. "This will follow you for the
rest of your life if you let it."
"Maybe it should." Kyle replied, letting out the truth of what he was
feeling inside.
"This isn't your fault." Colin Marney replied. "You don't have keep the
guilt and shame inside you for the rest of your life."
"You don't know what I did." Kyle said. "If you knew..." He trailed off
when he realised that he was revealing more than he wanted to share. This
was why he hated doctors, they rip open your scars and examine the open
wounds.
"None of this is your fault, Kyle." The Doctor replied. "It doesn't matter
what you did and blaming yourself is only going to hurt both you and your
brother in the future."
"Jonny doesn't have to know." Kyle said. His biggest fear was that one day
his brother would find out what Kyle had done to cause Kevin to walk out on
Julia and that Jonathan would never forgive him. Kyle knew that he would
never be able to forgive himself.
"What he doesn't know can't hurt him?" The doctor asked. "I beg to differ.
You didn't think that he knew about Andy but that hurts him more than the
pain of what Andy did to him. It hurts him that he saw you suffer and
could do nothing for you and if you don't get help it will continue to hurt
him every day that he sees you suffer and can do nothing for you."
"He was three." Kyle responded as he started to pace, feeling trapped in
the room. "I could barely stand up to Andy and I was sixteen."
"A child." The doctor added. "Which is exactly why it is not your fault."
"But if I hadn't..."
"It's not your fault." The doctor said again.
Kyle didn't want to hear the words, didn't want to hear that there was no
reason for his getting beaten or for his mother dying because that made
less sense to him than the fact that it was his punishment for what he had
done. Kyle knew that he had done a terrible thing in interfering in his
mother's wedding to Kevin and he couldn't live with the guilt of that. Not
without believing that everything that had happened was somehow
interlinked.
"It's not your fault."
And as Kyle finally heard the words he realised that it was not, and that
sometimes things didn't happen for a reason.
Kyle collapsed into a sobbing mass on the floor as he felt the pain and it
was only a small hand on his shoulder that stopped him from falling
completely and losing himself in his pain.
"Kyle?" Jonny asked, his voice shaking slightly with insecurity. "What's
wrong?"
"Nothing." Kyle said, as he reached out and pulled his brother close to
him.
"Do you miss Mommy too?" Jonny asked.
Kyle nodded, not sure if he could trust his voice.
"It's okay, she's in heaven with the other angels now." Jonny said. Kyle
didn't have the heart to disagree with his brother although he doubted that
if there were a heaven that they would let his mother in.
"Our time is up for today," Doctor Marney said, his voice low and
unthreatening. "but your brother is scheduled in for the same time next
week if you want to speak again."
"I'm fine." Kyle said, pulling the shreds of his self back together and
allowing Jonny to collect his things. It didn't matter that he had broken
down, Kyle had to hold himself together for his brother's sake and would
continue to do so.
When he opened the office door Kyle was surprised to see that Kevin was not
alone in the waiting room and that Alex was waiting with him. Alex took
one look at Kyle's red, puffy eyes and handed him his own sunglasses.
"What are you doing here?" Kyle said, trying to sound as composed as
possible given his breakdown just moments before.
"Kevin thought that you might need a friend." Alex said. "He's going to
take Jonny home with him so we can go somewhere and talk."
"I'm fine." Kyle said.
"I don't think you are." Alex replied. "But that's okay, because we're all
a little crazy sometimes. You wouldn't be a part of this family if you
were normal."
"I need to stay with Jonny." Kyle argued.
"Kevin will be fine with him." AJ replied. "The pair of them are going to
go home and watch a DVD and you and I are going back to my place."
"I don't feel like talking." Kyle maintained.
"We don't have to talk." Alex said with a small smile and despite his
turmoil of emotions Kyle could not help returning it.
***
***
"Are you sure this is alright?" Kevin asked for the eighth time that
evening. "I can call Josh and cancel if you want me to stay home."
"We'll be fine." AJ said with a sigh as his patience with Kevin waned. He
had been watching him fret for over an hour now as the time drew closer
when he would have to leave to go to JC's house. "Kyle is here to look
after Jonny, and I'm here to look after Kyle."
"I think it's more like Kyle is here to look after *you* and Jonny." Kevin
replied. "But are you sure...?"
"We'll be fine." Alex interupted.
Kevin nodded and turned back to the crossword that he had been working on
to try and while away a few minutes. He knew that he shouldn't worry so
much about Kyle. Kyle had lived on his own for a long time and taken care
of himself and his brother but Kevin still felt some paternal
responsibility for him. When he had heard that his suspicions were true
and that Jon was not the only one to suffer at the hands of one of Julia's
other men he had wanted to know the truth, had wanted to hunt the men down
and make sure that none of them would hurt Kyle again. From the look on
Alex's face when he had come he had known a little more and felt the same.
"He is going to be alright, you know." AJ said after a moment's silence.
"Kyle has dealt with a lot in his life and he'll recover from this just as
easily as anything else."
"Does he talk to you?" Kevin asked, anxious to know that Kyle was at least
talking to someone. "Has he told you any of it?"
"He's said a little." AJ said. "But I think that Kyle wants to keep his
pains to himself for a while."
"Why?" Kevin asked, the idea of bottling all that unhealthy emotion up a
complete anathema to him.
"Sometimes it's easier to store it all inside you than to deal with it." AJ
said wistfully. "Kyle has lived with the pain for so long that he doesn't
want to share it and he thinks that if he does then he is just burdening
someone else with his problems. The last thing that he wants to do is rock
the boat, especially when he feels that it's already unsteady."
"But..."
"Kevin, you can't understand what he is going through right now." Alex
said. "I barely understand it myself. Just let him do what he needs to
do, cope the way he needs to cope, and he'll come to us when he's ready.
He's stronger than we give him credit for but when he needs help he'll know
to ask for it."
"I just hate to see him hurting like this."
"Trust me, I know." AJ said, the wistful expression back on his face again.
If Kevin had not known his bandmate better he would have called it the face
of a man in love.
"Daddy, Kyle said you're going out." Jon said as he rushed into the room
and struggled onto his father's lap. "Can I come with you?"
"Not tonight." Kevin replied. "But I'll be back later and I'll check in on
you before I go to sleep."
"Will you read me a story?" He asked, subtly trying to gauge what time his
father would be home.
"I thought I might do that tonight." AJ interjected. "If you'll let me."
"Do you like dinosaurs?" Jonny asked suspiciously.
"I'm not sure." Alex said. "I don't know a lot about dinosaurs."
Jonny's face lit up, his father's imminent departure forgotten as he found
a new quest, he hopped from Kevin's lap and ran to AJ.
"I've got a book about them. Kyle got it for me. And it's got all their
names, and what they eat and everything." Jonny said, pulling Alex towards
his bedroom. "Stegasaurus is my favourite."
Kevin watched as his son showed more animation in his talking to Alex than
he had with him and wondered if there was a reason that both Maddox boys
had such an easy relationship with the supposed bad boy of his band. Kevin
couldn't find a way to relate to either boy and found himself envying Alex.
It was silly really because Jonathan was his son and he loved Kevin
unconditionally but Kevin couldn't help but feel that his son liked AJ
better.
"I think Alex has a full night of dinosaurs ahead of him." Kyle said as he
saw Kevin staring blankly at the wall. "He'll be fine unless he mentions
Barney. Jon won't let him stop then."
"I'm glad that he won't miss me too much." Kevin said, not meaning it to
sound bitter.
"Jon is trying to cope with the fact that you have a life outside of his
world. It'll take a bit of getting used to until he learns to deal with
that." Kyle said.
"But Julia used to go out a lot."
"And each time I would see the light die in his eyes a little more." Kyle
replied sadly. "I tried to shield him from it, but there was only so much
he could take. I was there as much as I could be for him and maybe that
wasn't healthy either because now Jon expects people to either be there for
him all the time or abandon him. Maybe he needs this to develop a normal
relationship."
"I guess we all need to make a few adjustments." Kevin said.
"Me as much as anyone." Kyle agreed. "It's strange not being the only one
that cares about him."
Kevin saw that Kyle meant that to encompass more than him and was almost
happy that he was not the only one that was jealous of Jon's attentions on
Alex.
***
Josh was more nervous about seeing Kevin tonight than he had ever been
going on stage in front of thousands of people. He knew that he would have
to perform well tonight, to say and do the right things or else there would
be no hope for them.
JC had spent years with Kevin knowing the right things to say and do but
now Jonny and Kyle were in Kevin's life and Josh felt as if he were
planning on spending the evening with a stranger. There was so much about
Kevin's life that Josh realised that he didn't know, so much that he had
never asked about and he knew that tonight would be the time to ask for
some answers. Still, he promised himself not to push for more than Kevin
was ready to give him because that would only push his lover further away.
The doorbell rang and Josh felt his heart speed up as he stood to answer
it.
"Hi." Kevin said, leaning in to hug Josh as he entered the house. Josh
returned the hug and hoped that his fear was not shown too much.
"Come in." Josh said, realising after a few moments in the embrace that he
had not invited Kevin in. If his mother could see him now she would
lecture him on his manners. "Are the boys okay?"
"Yeah." Kevin replied. "Alex and Kyle are babysitting tonight."
Josh realised belatedly that there were more than one set of boys in
Kevin's life now. He had meant the band but Kevin was not to know.
"I wasn't sure what you wanted to do." Josh said. "I know that we didn't
make any solid plans so I borrowed a couple of DVDs from Justin and I
thought we could get some take out."
It sounded so normal, so much like what they had done every night when they
were together before that it seemed as if they had never been apart. Josh
knew though that there were still issues that needed resolving.
"I wasn't sure if you were planning on driving over so I have a bottle of
wine chilling, but also bought some of that juice you like."
Kevin nodded.
"I know we need to talk, but..."
Josh felt a soft kiss pressed against his lips and wondered if he had
missed something in Kevin's body language that meant he was forgiven but
Kevin made no move to deepen the kiss and pulled away.
"Josh, relax." Kevin said, which seemed like a contradiction to Josh given
that his nerves were even more on edge now that Kevin had kissed him.
There was no way that he could relax when he was this turned on. "Juice
would be great."
"Okay." JC said, heading into the kitchen and pouring two glasses of juice
before returning to the lounge.
Kevin had made himself comfortable in the armchair that sat in one corner
and Josh tried not to be too upset that they were not going to sit together
on the sofa as they usually did. He took his own seat on the couch and
hoped that Kevin might move later once they had talked.
"How are the tour rehearsals going?" JC asked to fill the void that stood
between them.
"Good. We're working with some exciting new choreographers and it should
be a good show." Kevin said. "It's hard to fit time with Jonny in but I'm
managing. I don't know how working mothers do it."
"I guess they have nannies to lighten the load." Josh said. "Are you
planning on getting any help?"
"Kyle has mentioned it." Kevin replied. "Especially once we go on tour."
"He's not going with you?" Josh asked, surprised that Kyle would not want
to go and look after his brother. From the short conversation that he had
with Kyle he had thought that Jonathan was a large part of his life.
"Kyle thinks that Jonathan needs a tutor if he comes with me, and if not
that he will need someone to look after him longer term." Kevin answered.
"Kyle has his own life and I respect that. I want him to think about
college."
"What does Kyle think about that?" Josh asked, wondering if the younger man
really wanted to go to college. He didn't really know the young man that
well but from the little he did know Josh was not sure that college was for
Kyle.
"He doesn't want to do anything that might take him away from Jon." Kevin
said with a small sigh.
"He's very commited to him isn't he?" Josh asked.
"Kyle sees it as his fault that Jonny grew up without a father." Kevin
responded. "He intervened in my marriage to his mother and made certain
that I wouldn't want anything to do with Julia. He doesn't realise that it
wasn't all his fault, that his mother was to blame for that as well."
"And you?" Josh asked, regretting the words as soon as they slipped from
his mouth.
"And me too." Kevin agreed. "If I had of checked on Julia after she left,
if I had put my hatred aside for two minutes to think about where she was I
may not have missed the last five years with my son."
"I didn't mean..."
"No." Kevin interupted. "You're right."
There was a pregnant pause before Josh spoke again.
"You said that you want Kyle to think about college, but what do you want
for the future?" He asked, knowing that this was the hard question that
they would have to face.
"I want the tour to go well, I want Jonny to settle in at home..." Kevin
began. "And I want to make things up to you."
Josh opened his mouth to protest but Kevin continued.
"I owe you an apology for not telling you about this before. My only
excuse is that Julia and Kyle were a part of my life that it pained me to
think about and I didn't want that pain to spoil the little time that we
had together. But I should have realised that what is important to me is
important to you too." Kevin said. "I love you, and I want you to share in
my life as much or as little as you want to."
"What about Jonny?" Josh asked. "He won't want me around."
"Jon has an amazing capacity for love and forgiveness that astounds me
every day." Kevin said. "He should hate me for abandoning him but instead
he welcomed me with open arms and I know that once he gets to know you he
will love you as much as I do."
"And Kyle?" Josh asked, knowing that the younger man had not wanted him
anywhere near his brother.
"Kyle will learn to accept you too." Kevin replied, although he was less
certain of how the older Maddox boy would take to JC being back in his
life. It was Kyle that had made the first steps in this reconciliation but
it was also Kyle that said he didn't want Josh anywhere near his brother.
"We just need to take things slowly."
"Slowly is fine." Josh replied. He was glad that he had any chance at all
because he had so nearly lost everything that meant something to him when
he had lost Kevin.
"So, you want to watch a movie?" Kevin asked.
Josh smiled and nodded. It wasn't much, but at least it was a start.
***
***
AJ spent an hour with Jon, talking about dinosaurs and reading the
difficult words for him before the younger boy had tired and Alex had
helped him into his pyjamas and bed.
"Alex?" Jon asked sleepily as his father's friend tucked him in.
"Yeah?" AJ replied with a small sigh, he loved the kid but he really wanted
to spend some time with Kyle that evening.
"Are you Kyle's boyfriend?"
"Would you mind if I was?" Alex asked, not wanting to say too much but
knowing that Jon's blessing would be needed if this relationship were to
progress.
"No." Jon said. "I like you and Kyle likes you and I think that it's time
that Kyle was happy."
"So do I." Alex said. "So do I."
Alex came down the stairs and smiled at Kyle who was trying hard not to
fall asleep on the couch.
"Is everything okay up there?" Kyle asked. "Do I need to put Jonny to
bed?"
"All done." Alex said. "We brushed our teeth, said our prayers and I think
that Jonny gave me his blessing to date his brother."
"He did?" Kyle asked with a surprised look. "Wow."
"The kid's bright." Alex replied. "Must take after his father there."
"Shut up!" Kyle said, responding to the blatent insult to Kyle. "At least
he didn't get it from his Uncle Alex."
"Uncle?"
"Yeah. Uncle."
"I thought I would be his brother in law!" Alex replied.
Kyle smiled.
"I didn't know we were that serious."
"I hope so." Alex said, trying to turn the conversation back to the serious
after their play fight.
"Are you staying?" Kyle asked, the meaning clear from his lust filled gaze.
"I could do." Alex replied.
Kyle smiled and held out his hand.
"Are you sure that Jonny is asleep?" Kyle asked.
"Out like a light."
"Good, because I don't want to scare him when you start to scream."
***
***
When Kyle woke the next morning he was surprised to see that Alex was
already up. At first he thought that his lover had not stayed the night
but then he heard raised voices from the lounge and went out to see that
Alex and Jonny were sitting on the sofa eating sugary cereal and watching
cartoons.
"Morning." Alex said with a soft smile. "Jonny came to wake you up because
he wanted breakfast, but I promised that if he let you sleep in I would let
him watch cartoons."
Jonny frowned.
"Does this mean I gotta get dressed now?" He asked. "Alex promised I could
stay in my jammies and watch TV."
"I'm sure that can be arranged." Kyle replied with an indulgent smile. "At
least until your daddy gets up."
"If you're really quiet I'm sure he'll sleep for hours." AJ promised with
an indulgent air. Jonny seemed to perk up at that thought and Kyle smiled.
"Is there room for me on there?" Kyle asked as he pointed to the couch,
Alex scooted over and allowed him to sit.
The three of them were still there when Kevin finally woke up an hour
later. Jonny had lost some of his energy and was laying across Alex with
his head in Kyle's lap. It was a scene that reminded Kevin of family. The
thought made his heart ache as he thought about how the upcoming tour would
separate them and prayed that he would find a solution. He didn't want to
break up this tableux.
***