Darlings, a bunch of biological females got together in Vegas this week for the world’s foremost drag event, the Miss Universe Pageant. Most of them presented their national costumes at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, although some are waiting to unveil theirs for the actual pageant on August 23. Still, what a fabulous way to spend the afternoon, right? Because there is nothing more cracktastic than the national costumes portion of the Miss Universe Pageant. It makes competitive figure skating costumes look understated and minimalist.

Hit it, ladies!

Miss Australia Jesinta Campbell

Apparently the outback has a Jo Anne’s Fabrics.

Miss Bahamas Braneka Basset

Getting it done, drag queen style. You go, Braneka.

Miss Brazil Debora Lyra

Brazil! It’s one giant Hallmark store! Apparently!

Miss Canada Elena Semikina

J’ADORE. Right after the competition, she’s going to seduce and then attempt to kill James Bond.

Miss Curacao Safira de Wit

“Come to Curacao! And consider the fantastic waterfront development opportunities! Under my skirt!”

Miss Dominican Republic Eva Arias

Miss Dominican Republic believes that aliens could contact her at any time, so she’s not taking any chances.

Miss Ecuador Lady Mina

This is actually pretty damn fabulous.

Miss El Salvador Sonia Cruz

And this is kind of sad. Unless it’s a tribute to El Salvador’s heretofore uncelebrated hot glue gun industry.

Miss Germany Kristiana Rohder

Hmm. It’s an adorable dress, Germany, and we get that it’s a take on folk dancing costumes, but it reads a little too much like, well, just a pretty dress. You should have beer steins over your boobs or something.

Miss Ghana Awurama Simpson

This is pretty fabulous too. Love the fan, but we have to admit, we keep thinking her sash says “banana.” Can you blame us?

Miss Guam Vanessa Torres

Miss Guam rides elevators alone, thank you very much.

Miss Guatemala Jessica Scheel

Miss Guatemala has skipped the competition and gone straight to declaring herself a goddess.

Miss Haiti Sarodj Bertin

The hell? We’re thinking this is referencing the earthquake in some way, but it’s kind of strange. And she’s so exuberant about it. “Hello world! Look at the Haitians on my skirt!”

Miss Israel Bat-el Jobi

You guys, Miss Israel is retaining water this week and she really doesn’t give a shit what you think of her.

Miss Japan Maiko Itai

We kind of like the idea of couture gown, plus GIGANTIC prop that refers to your culture in some way. Miss USA should totally wear a Marchesa gown and carry a giant gun.

Miss Kazakhstan Asselina Kuchukova

Miss Kazakhstan is always easy to find at a crowded party.

Miss Mexico Jimena Navarrete

We don’t know her, but we love her. “HAHA! Do you guys believe this shit? Look at this crap they made me put on my head!”

Miss Nigeria Ngozi Odalonu

This is gorgeous.

Miss Peru Giuliana Zevallos

Every grandmother in Peru donated her couch so that this costume could be made.

Miss Poland Maria Nowakowska

It’s the dress that converts into a dressing room!

Miss Russia Irina Antonenko

We like the boldness of dressing like you’re a member of the royal family that was murdered in a violent overthrow during one of the most famous periods of your country’s history. Kind of cuts through the bullshit, you know? “Russia! We get shit done!”