Once upon a time this girl fell in love with this boy. Actually she's pretty sure he fell in love with her first. Anyway, they had two children together that are wonderfully smart, funny, handsome young men. They have a nice house in the southwest that she always wants to repaint. She finally turned 40 and he's beyond that by a few years. He loves baseball, she prefers her kids football games. All in all, it's not a bad life. See...

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So I've been feeling a little icky this last week. Tired, cranky and my body just hurts, including my tailbone for no apparent reason. Weird. Anyway, I'm sitting on the couch talking to Steve and Ryan comes up and says to me, "hey, take me to East (school) to play basketball."

Um, excuse me? Ride your bike, have your friend pick you up. Taxi service is closed for the evening.

Usually I don't mind carting him around town. It's been cold out and icy sometimes so I take him and it's not a big deal. We even make random trips to the store when he wants a drink. I will even take him and his friends to the little mini mart before they close on the weekend. In my pajamas. In the snow.

I was starting to feel guilty because I think it took him by surprise that I said no. Then he texts me. From downstairs. And asks what's the problem. Well, son, I'm not a taxi service and you can ride your bike....
here is his response to that:

"We only have one bike. That works ok. And I'm 15 years old I'm not riding a bike around unless I have to. It's stupid." Verbatim people!

Looks like his little butt is staying home tonight then. Bye-bye guilt, taxi is parked in the garage.

In my family on my mom's side we call our grandmas "Nanny". We always have, always will. When my boys have kids I will be Nanny. My Nanny passed away several years ago and I still miss her terribly. I've been having a lot of dreams about her lately.

She was one of those people that never met a stranger. Everyone loved my Nanny. She was the kindest, most generous person in the world. Nanny and Poppy (our grandpa) gave whatever they could to who ever needed it. They were kind to strangers, almost to a fault. One time Pops picked up a hitchiker. Anyone else I know would never have done such a dangerous thing. But he did. He brought the poor kid to the house, Nan fed him a sandwich and they just sat and talked the afternoon away. Nanny packed him a few more sandwiches and drinks, and Poppy took him to the New River freeway exit so he could catch his next ride. The kid was about 23 or so and from England and was just back packing his way across America. That Christmas and for a few years after that they got Christmas cards from him. And when he got married they got cards from him and his wife. It just shows what an impact those two people had on others.

Nan was flawed but when we were younger we never, ever saw it. She was perfect to us in every way. She invented bowling with oranges and beer cans. The only purpose those ornamental orange trees had was to provide us with the "bowling balls". She would line up cans like bowling pins and have us knock them down with the oranges. She also invented hot dog stew. When money was tight we'd eat hot dog stew for 2 days. And it's exactly what it sounds like - hot dogs, sauted onions and potatoes and brown gravy. It's gross and comforting at the same time. She and her mother, Nanny Dot would go and get their hair done once a week, go grocery shopping together all the time and every once in a while go to lunch. When Nanny Dot died Nanny seemed a little lost. She stopped doing a lot of those things. Except the hair. She always got her hair done. And she always had pink lipstick. She would leave her trademark pink lip print somewhere on you. You'd try to avoid it but she'd always nail you. I miss those pink lipstick kisses. Nan was passionate about her Phoenix Suns and absolutely detested the Lakers. When the whole O.J. Simpson trial was on she sat glued to the TV day in and day out and arranged her hair appointments around that damn trial. It was pretty comical! Nan hugged everyone. Her hairdresser, her doctors, she would even hug the waiters and waitresses at her favorite restaurant. Not even kidding! <3

I'm not even doing her or her memory justice because I just can't even put in to words all the wonderful things she was and all the wonderful things she did. But I can say that she and Poppy left us wonderful memories that I'd like to share from time to time.

Yesterday on our little trek into town, Steve and I stopped by a church to pick something up. We were in the parking lot watching people walk in with gift bags, wrapped presents, birthday balloons, a huge sheet cake and a few boxes. Obviously a birthday party was going to take place there. The little girl was turning one (we saw the mylar "1" shaped balloons) and there was pink and purple everywhere! So when I walked into the kitchen area of the church the mom and dad were making veggie trays, setting the cake out, sorting plasticware, making punch, getting out pink and purple table cloths, all that kind of stuff. And my first thought was "I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore!", followed by a sad "idon'thavetodothatanymore". The boys are old enough that they don't have parties anymore. No longer do we have to do goodie bags and Spiderman cake. No more party favors, mid party melt downs from tired 3 year old guests, no more blowing out the candles and spitting on the cake. I'm so ok with that. But I'm so not ok with that. It makes me a little sad that they've outgrown that but then again it means we are free to do other things that we couldn't when they were smaller.

We can go to a nice restaurant instead of Burger King. I don't have to order chicken nuggets and french fries. We can see a movie that doesn't have a G rating. We can go to the mall and shop without praying that neither one has to poop because you do NOT want them sitting on those toilets! And someone always had to poop.

Ryan will turn 16 in December and Zach will turn 12 in November. Maybe I can make a big deal out of the 16th birthday, just for old times sake?

I must do something "creative". I want to make some cards or do a few pages in my current scrapbook or something. I should work out. Exercise my brain. I'd rather be creative right now though. It's much more fun and exciting. Need some watercolors but I don't have any. Need some different card stock too...hmm. I'll improvise and do what I can with "found" items. Repurpose a few things, right? Right!

My husband is quite a critical guy. He's somewhat judgemental. And indignant about how right he is about his opinions. Today we're at Walmart, the prime place for judging all kinds of people. Hey, I have opinions about a lot of the typical Walmart shoppers and I'm sure you do too!

Anyway, we're pulling into the parking lot and there are three people walking down the middle of the lane so that we couldn't go around them to park. And it's illegal to run them over. We finally get a spot, get out and Steve says, "Ya know, some people are just stupid. I mean, really, really stupid. Why would you walk down the middle of the road fully knowing there are cars behind you?"

He's decided he's going to write a book titled, How Not to be Stupid, and for God's Sake, Buy a Mirror! Because, as you probably know, Walmart shoppers often show up in their pajamas. Slippers. Board shorts and cowboy boots. You know you've seen what I'm talking about! I think it could be a best seller.

I have zero sense of direction and I almost always get turned around. It's bad enough that I even get turned around in a mall. And that's not an exaggeration. When I drive somewhere I am unfamiliar with I will look for landmarks and remember turn by turn how I got there so I can just reverse it to find my way back. If I could I would leave a bread crumb trail.

So today, my darling and I were trying to find this place of business we had only been to once or twice. Now, keep in mind we've been married for over 16 years and my lack of direction is not a new development. Where was I? Oh yes, we're driving and we're coming from the opposite direction and I said, "it's on something like 8th and A street or B street. Can't remember which one but they are a block apart." So we go past 8th street and he does that sigh and tsk thing. Oh yes he did! I said, "Don't even do that to me since I told you like 4 times now that it was on 8th!"

He flips a u-turn and goes back to 8th. We get to A street. No business. We get to B street. No business. The smart ass says, "Maybe C??" Of course, it was on C street. He continues on and says how if we were under attack I'd be a goner. I can't disagree. I totally would be one of the first to go. And since the guys in my house are convinced it will be a zombie attack I'm so ok with being one of the first to go.

I borrowed this picture from google images. Would YOU want to live with this??

So it's been creeping up on me ever so slowly. But this morning I actually had to "conceal" it. With concealer, people! I don't normally use concealer. A dark circle has appeared under my left eye. Only it's not really a circle. More like a half assed line. When I first noticed it a while back I thought it was eye make up. Tried to wipe it off. Nope. Thought maybe it was a shadow from my lucious lashes but then remembered I don't have lucious lashes. It's a freakin half assed line! *sigh*

Ok, so my sister is getting married in July. She asked me to be the Maid of Honor. Of course I said yes! And there is nothing like being asked to be in a wedding to put a fire under your butt to get in shape, am I right? I soooo don't want to be the "fat one" in the wedding party. I will be the largest anyway but I don't want to be the fattest. I mean, not that the other girls will be fat at all. Far from it. My sister, the bride, is a size zero or two, something like that and so is one sister in law that will be in the wedding. The other sister in law in the wedding just had a baby and the other sister in law is tall and slim and athletic looking but in a nice, non butchy way. I will never be any of those so....I really have to work at this.

It's an uphill battle. I just don't want my face or gut to take up too much space in the pictures. Not that I am the focus, but I am the MOH and her sister so I anticipate LOTS of picture taking. I don't want to ruin her pictures.

So, I started working out several days ago. I've been watching my diet for awhile now. Sometimes not close enough but, hey, I'm human and I like food. A lot. Anyway...so I'm lifting weights, going on the eliptical, doing cruches, etc and I actually feel like I'm accomplishing something. Not accomplishing losing any weight yet, but I feel like it's ...something. I feel like it's better than nothing!

I'm debating on starting Weight Watchers but that costs money and I don't really want to pay. Especially since I'd have to do it online. I just wonder where my accountability would come in if I did it online. Oh well, I can run up and down my stairs for free, right?

So...July is fast approaching and I'm slow at losing. BUT, I'm bound and determined that I'm going to make this happen and reach my goal of 30lbs gone by the end of June (that leaves me time to buy a new MOH dress if I need to. Actually with -30lbs I would HAVE to). I just wish I didn't crave Hot Tamales candy right now. It's seriously messing with my mojo!

By the way, this is NOT her dress...I'm just showing what I'm up against. Oh, and the fact that I'm 19 years older than her....Gotta lose 30 pounds and 15 years!

It seems to me that I probably need to tell myself this on an hourly basis. I worry and stress about a lot of things. About my job, my soon to be lack of job, money, my weight. The list goes on and on.

I tend to dwell on things. I'm a dweller. What if I can't find a seasonal job? What if we don't have enough money over the summer? What if the center closes and I don't have a job to go back to in the fall? What if I don't lose this weight by the middle of June?

Steve told me to stop worrying because there is nothing I can do about some of those things but to keep trying to work on those things that I can. I can keep looking for a different job and or a summer job. I can watch what I eat and work out. If the center closes due to government budget cuts, well, there's not much I can do about that. I just need to remind myself of these things. And remind myself to Let go and let God. He always provides something, somehow, someway even if it's not what we think we need.
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Last night Steve said, "You know, you haven't written a blog about us in awhile."
Well, um...ok. So then I felt pressure to come up with something clever and witty. And nice. Which is sometimes hard. Not about him, just me saying something nice in general without being a snotty, sarcastic wanker.

Monday and Tuesday were his days off and he and the boys cleaned the house and did the laundry and then Wednesday when he came home he changed closed and washed his car and then my truck. It was awesome!!! He doesn't have a problem with doing his own laundry and he will cook if it comes to grilling out. Yes, I'm completely spoiled!

So here is my challenge to my darling other half: get your own blog and say nice crap about me and the children!! Triple dog dare you....

A Hootie Hoot! She has a post on her fear of clowns. I thought about how I am afraid of clowns too but neither of us is really sure why we are. The point is, it got me thinking about the things I fear that seem irrational.

Latex balloons and tubes of biscuits send me through the roof! I'm not sure why either of those make me a nervous, sweating wreck but they do!

My poor kids, when they were little we'd go somewhere and they'd be given balloons. Grocery store, pizza place, birthday party. Their little faces would light up and they'd be so excited to show it to me. My heart would start racing, my breathing would get labored, I'd start sweating. I tried not to show my fear too much in front of them or anyone else as I quickly got out of the same room as that damn balloon. If the kids wanted to take it with them I'd "accidentally" let it go before we got to the car. Eventually they caught on and would beg me to let them take it. Eventually they caught on that it was never gonna happen and stopped asking. I once missed my nephew's birthday party because they were going to have a balloon artist there. The squeaky squeak of that latex rubbing on hair, hands or teeth makes me freak out! I am still that way and don't see that changing in my lifetime.

Tubes of biscuits have the same effect on me. I can hold a tube in my hands just fine, but the thought of opening it...I just can't do it! I start shaking and my mouth gets all dry. One time I tried to instruct Ryan, who was about 8 at the time, on how to open it. "Just start ripping that tabby thing at this end. When the paper starts unwrapping it will pop open." As he started tearing, I plugged my ears, ran out of the room and waited for him to come and get me. But of course it was one of those dud cans that don't open by unwrapping, you have to smack it on the counter. So by this time I have him so freaked out he won't smack it on the counter. I had him take it to the next door neighbor to open it the rest of the way.

So, those are my irrational fears. I suppose it's not too bad considering I once saw a lady years ago on the Maury Povich show that had a fear of regular mustard.

Today at the preschool two little girls were playing in the kitchen area. I was the lucky "customer" that was going to be served all kinds of scrumptous foods. There was just one problem. Both wanted to be the chef. A said, "I'm the chef." S said, "No, I'm the chef." A looked at me and then looked back at S and said, "Yeah, well I've got the glove so I'M the chef!"

Sweet little A had the oven mitt on her hand, held it high above her head and gave S "the look". And all I ended up getting was one pretend glass of water.

45 more days. In 45 more days I will be 40. Forty. The big 4-0. Just cresting that hill they call "over the". I can't believe it. I feel it. I just can't believe it. Some say 40 is the new 30. I don't even really know what that means. I mean, I do, but I panicked at turning 30. Like hyperventilating panic. So why would I think it's ok to turn 40?

I've actually reached an age where the music from my, dare I say generation, is sometimes heard in an elevator, is often called retro and is most definitely on Muzak. Sadness. Some fashions from "back in my day" are coming back and so are some of the makeup trends. Weird. Unfortunate, because some of those trends weren't that great. But then again, they were a lot of fun!

So, I guess I'm excited to see what this new decade will bring but I'm also a little apprehensive. At 40 you have to start thinking about mammograms and menopause. Neither sounds like much fun. I didn't have to think about those things in my 30's! I also have to think about my eye lids becoming droopy (thanks Moore's!) and my ass sagging. All in all, 40 doesn't sound so nice. But, I'm determined I'm going to attack it head on and NOT let it get to me. Age is just a number after all, right? The number starts with 4 and ends in 0(h) crap!

I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think I like you much. We gain an hour of sunlight but lose an hour of sleep. I'm a fan of sunlight, now that I live in the midwest, and I'm a fan of sleep. But even if we change the clocks ahead we'll still have the sunlight so....I don't understand your point. Yes, I've heard you were created so that the farmers would have one more hour of sunlight to do their thing, but today's farmers usually have lights on their equipment and farm well into the night if need be so you are kind of pointless.

You make people grumpy and tired and feel all out of sorts for about a week or two when you first come around. This just makes you suck. It also means that there is a 2 hour difference now between my family and me for calling them. This just makes you suck even more. One hour was reasonable. Two, just mean.

So, Daylight Savings Time, can you please just leave and not come back? We really don't need you and we really don't like you. No offense, you're just not a good fit.

The sun is shining, the snow is melting, trees are sprouting their little buds. The orioles are back. Steve likes the orioles. The bird, not the team. We're going to grill chicken and top it with garlic shrimp. It's a beautiful day :)

My husband and I are opposites in a lot of ways. We don't have too much in common either. But somehow we have made it work for almost 17 years.

We do not have similar taste in movies. At all. Not even remotely. He prefers impale 'em with a stick kind of movies and I don't much care for movies at all. I'm not opposed to them, it's just not one of my favorite things to do. He has a collection of, I don't know, let's just say he's got A LOT of movies. I have three. Singin in the Rain, P.S. I Love You and Pretty In Pink. And I watch them maybe once every year or two.

He loves baseball. A really huge fan of the game. I don't particularly care for that sport. He tells me he likes it because it's a challenge to hit a small ball that is traveling at roughly 90 miles per hour with a stick. I tell him I could give birth in the time it takes to play a whole 9 innings.

He's definitely meat and potatoes. I'm that too but I could live off of salsa and pickles if I had to. And avocado. He'd starve if he ever had to actually peel and eat one.

We can agree on some music but he prefers music that I think is dorky. I'm sure he thinks my taste in music is dorky, too. But it's not.

I prefer Pepsi and he likes Dr. Pepper.

His fuse is short. I'm a button pusher.

I hold a grudge and he is usually the first to say sorry.

Sometimes I think about what it will be like when the boys are grown and gone. We don't share any common hobbies and we don't like a lot of the same things. But I think that is what works for us. My happiness isn't exlusively dependent on him. And his happiness isn't exlusively dependen on me. We like to make each other happy, we like to do things together, but we can do things separately together too, which is kind of how we prefer it sometimes, depending on the situation. I don't know, it just works for us! And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Why does it seem like for every step forward we take two back? I'm sure most Americans feel this way in this day and age. But sometimes I feel like I have this unlucky cloud hanging over us and or me.

Mostly for us it is this unlucky financial cloud. I also feel bad complaining because we have "luxuries". We have satellite television, although not ALL the channels, but a moderate package. And we have internet, whick I consider a necessity, not really a luxury. We eat well, not too many mac and cheese and hot dog nights for us, but we aren't eating steak every night either. We aren't in danger of losing our home or having the electric turned off or anything. Sometimes we're late paying bills either by circumstance or because I simply forgot (have you seen my aging post??). We drive decent cars but pray every day that they don't break down because we couldn't afford the repairs. And we don't owe anything on them which is a plus. Wish gas prices would go down though.

I guess mostly I'm just bummed because it seems like we work really hard but we can't afford to take a vacation. We budget and plan to take our kids to a movie. Seriously. A movie. Forget about taking a vacation or even an overnight stay in a hotel, which quite honestly, I'd kill for. We can't afford a staycation! And a bigger bummer is....we don't make bad money for what we actually have to pay out. And for the most part (yes, the most part) we can account for where it goes. We both work full time so.... I just don't know. It's very frustrating and bums me out.

Last night while watching the news, another few minutes was given to the despicable Westboro Baptist Church. Why I'm properly capitalizing them, I don't know. They are lower than scum. But have the constitutional right to protest at funerals. The topic was a bit different last night though. Our local news interviewed two pastors, one from a Baptist church and one, well, I think he was Methodist. They both declined to say whether or not they agreed with the constitutional right but they did say that this particular chuch should not be allowed to call themselves a "Baptist" church.

Considering they do not follow God's word and actually "preach" the opposite, I'd say I have to agree. That church turns people away from Christ. You know what they say about one bad apple spoiling the whole bunch. They do not talk of love and faith and grace the way Jesus wants us to. They talk about how God "hates" soldiers, etc, etc and all that other crap that they spew.

So here is a radical idea. Stop covering them. All news stations, all newspapers, all social media, just stop. They've taken enough of our time already. Maybe we can flood all of these news sources with calls and letters and emails and tweets and blogs, etc, and let them know that we don't want to see coverage of them anymore. They have gotten so much free publicity out of this, they are one of the best known churces around! Let's start a campaign, shall we?

I also think that when the old codger that runs that place with his family finally croaks we should all head up there and hold signs that say "burn in hell", like he does at those soldiers funerals. It's is after all, one of our constitutional rights.

We've never met but I've heard about you. And I want to say "Thank YOU". It seems a little empty, it feels a little late. You will never get to read this but I just want to say that my family and I appreciate the ultimate sacrafice you have made for our country. Right now your family and friends are wondering why. Why this happened to you, to them. Your surviving team is probably wondering why it wasn't them but alternately glad it wasn't. No matter, everyone is angry, hurt, devestated. Life will never be the same for anyone in your close circle.

We would have met this summer. And I'd like to think you would have shared some funny stories about K. Maybe even some slightly embarrassing tales! I'm sorry we will never have that chance. I'm sorry those closest to you are hurting. And I'm sorry we live in a world where things like this can happen.

I have purposely not watched any "news" on this whole Charlie Sheen thing. Nor do I ever really pay much attention to anything going on in the "celebrity news". Certainly I see it, I hear it. Can't help but see and hear that crap when it's all over the news, all over the internet, people are blogging about it and tweeting about it. Miley Cyrus swings on a pole and smokes some kind of crap out of a bong looking thing and Billy blames Disney. Yeah, I caught that juicy little blurb on the front page of my server. Based on that comment I didn't read on, did not and will not give it any more attention that it deserves. Because it deserves none!

Maybe I'm being really judgemental and preachy but give me a break. Media feeds in to the behavior. Lindsay can't land a movie but she can land in jail, gasp, breaking news! Charlie is on drugs and lives with porn starts. One day of rehab and he has a spiritual awakening. No, Charlie, it's called withdrawl. But why do we keep listening to it? I get so sick and tired of turning on the tv or turning on the computer and "hearing" about this. Against my will!!! Yes, yes, you say I can turn off the tv or just not sign on to the computer. But it's way beyond that. It's everywhere. Everywhere....it's unavoidable.

There are so many more things to be concerned with, real life train wrecks that are happening in our own neighborhoods and our own communities. Why do we have to watch the train wrecks that these so called "celebrities" have become? Enough all ready.

So I made sausage and fried eggs this morning complete with toast and jelly. I very rarely make breakfast like this and usually not just for the two of us. Both boys stayed over with friends last night. I told my darling that Iwas going to get on the computer.

"Why? he asks, So you can put it on facebook that you actually cooked breakfast? Are you gonna blog about it?"

Hahahaha, he's a funny guy, that Steve. That wasn't my intention but now that he mentions it.....

I miss my kids being little sometimes. Not babies, although sometimes, sometimes I miss that, too. I miss them being between 2 and 5. Everything was so new to them and everything was an adventure. They needed me but they were gaining independence. They never minded when I sang out loud and didn't even care if it was in front of their friends. That's pretty much changed now. Now they are 15 and 11 and I have the power to embarrass them by simply breathing.

They used to like it when I would sing. Now they tell me not to sing if they have a friend in the car. I can't dance in the grocery store aisles anymore, they don't like that either. But sometimes I do both of those things on purpose. If they are being outright rude, disrespectful or have major attituded towards me for no reason (you know those tween/teen mood swings!) I will just start being a dork in public. It either makes them shape up or gets them away from me. Either way it's a win-win!

Both boys still discover new things. Ryan is discovering how to choose friends and how to make smart decisions. He's doing really well with both. Zach is discovering sarcasm and irony. It's annoying when it's directed at me. They are both really good kids and I enjoy them. Especially when I can embarrass them!

So I'm thinking we need to start keeping chickens and start a garden. Except I'm just a little afraid of chickens and I have failed at everything I've tried to grow. Ever. So...why do I think we should at least look into the possibility?

There are a couple reasons. You have a few chickens and a rooster and they do their fowl business and you get baby chickens. Chickens lay eggs. You can eat the eggs or sell the eggs. You can eat or sell the chickens. Except I can't see Steve catching a chicken let alone chopping it's head off. And there is no way in hell I'm plucking it! But, if you plant a garden chickens could provide pest control. Chickens basically also eat compost. So if you start a compost thingy and have chickens you can fertilize your garden, keep it bug free, and hopefully get tons of produce out of your garden. You can eat the produce or you can sell the produce.

So, see, keeping chickens isn't such a bad idea. It's kind of a win-win. Maybe not for the chickens though.

Again, I don't "do" politics. However, I feel like I just need to get all of this out to make sense of it.
The government wants to cut funding for lots of stuff. Stuff like senior care and education. And other things in between. 4H is facing cuts. The Ryde bus will lose funding. Teachers aide positions for Head Start will be cut and lots of home based educator positions will be lost.

Smart thinking! Let's make sure our seniors can't get to doctors appointments or to the grocery store or to the senior center to eat. And who really cares if those low income kids get an education, right? They don't need it. They don't need the healthy breakfast they are fed each and every morning, meeting at least a third of their nutritional requirements. They don't need to have a physical, dental or vision exam just in case it would detect any problems early on. Finding it later on in elementary school or well, high school is good enough, right?

In this small town we don't need 4H. There are TONS of things to do here in this town of about 2000. You know, the town where the coffee shop closes at 3:30. The town where the rest of the sidewalks roll up at dusk. The youth of this town are left to their own devices and guess how many teen girls are now pregnant?

Our company has told us that they have faced these cuts 10 times before. And each time they weren't panicky about it. But this time they say it is different. No positive spin on it. Nothing good about it, it's just all bad. The people that need these services the most will be the ones to suffer the most and lots of jobs will be lost. And what about unemployment?

But hey, it's not all bad! All of our representatives will still have jobs, insurance, short term and long term disability, a good income. That's a good thing right? Because they will still be in a position to make decisions based on what they think is in our "best interest". Because they've done such a great job of doing that so far!

Good luck friends and neighbors, see you in the food line. Oh yeah, that won't exist either.