Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I'm just a hard-working, honest American who doesn't want to pay my taxes

The voice on the radio intones "The Three Scariest Letters in the English Language: I.R.S."

The message: The Internal Revenue Service is out to get you. That shadow you thought you saw behind the bush in the front yard? IRS agent. That ringing phone? IRS agent.

The IRS is everywhere, and they prey on Honest, Hard-Working Americans like you who forgot to pay taxes for the last five years. Honest, Hard-Working Americans who find the tax codes too confusing (they are made to be that way, to CATCH you in their EVIL TRAP.)

Tax Counselors all tell prospective customers the same thing: DONT contact the IRS on your own. Why? Well, they won't say why, but the reason is that by calling the IRS you'll find that in the overwhelming percentage of cases, the agency is downright EAGER to help you work out your problems. That's doing no favors for the Tax Counselors, who only survive by convincing people that the IRS is only interested in landing your ass in jail, and the only thing between you and Al Capone's fate is Roni DEUTCH.

On television, we get to see beaming tax cheats gloat about getting out from under the tax burden they created for themselves: "we owed $3 million, but we only paid $1 million!" "We only had to pay $4000 out of a $30,000 tax bill!" Yay for you! I bet you sit in your sunken living rooms and watch Fox and bitch about welfare cheats and big government and the deficit, too. Just one question: what do you think happens to the debt you didn't have to pay? It just floated into the ether?

Here's a clue: "Honest, Hard Working Americans" don't "forget" to pay their taxes. They don't seek to shunt their legitimate tax burdens on to the rest of us. That's not being honest, its' not being "hard-working, " and its not being "American." It's being a tax-dodging freeloader who likes racking up bills and not paying for them. I'd be more angry except I know that most of these people just end up handing over money to Tax Counselors and getting nothing in return, except more debt. Sucks to be you.