Having A Threesome

Surprise Threesome, Size & More Of Your Questions

If you want to make her happier, I’d focus more on your brain than your penis. Let me explain. Feeling down in the dumps and insecure about your penis size does absolutely nothing to help your relationship. It’s self-sabotaging. If there is a deal breaker, it will likely be lack of confidence or insecurity in you. Women love confidence. They respond to assertiveness, strength, security and someone who can hold himself together. Most women respond less favorably to self-doubt.

It’s time for you to start challenging that penis insecurity and create penis power. Power in the form of confidence and comfort in who you are, your body and yourself. Women, for the most part, are fine with our penis sizes. One study found that 94% of female participants rated their partner’s penis to be average or above average. Only 6% rated their partner’s penis as small. The problem men have is we create our own anxiety. Another study found that 45% of men were not satisfied with their penis size. Are you picking up on a trend? Most women aren’t worried about penis size, so why are we?

We can’t change our penis size, so why not focus our attention on what we can change and improve, like relationship skills, communication, romance/intimacy skills, sexual techniques, sexual comfort and learning about women’s needs? We can change and improve those things. We’re wasting too much time and energy on worrying rather than focusing that energy on improving ourselves as lovers and partners.

Touching Herself

My daughter is 4 years old and has been doing some very concerning behaviors that have my wife and I very upset. We are now witnessing her pulling down her pants often (she did not do this type in previous years) and she has begun to touch herself in the sexual private regions often. While researching this phenomenon online, one of the possible causes was sexual abuse. I’m considering going to her preschool to file a complaint, as well as a request for me or my wife to be present at school. Another avenue of action we are considering is contacting our state child protection agency for a sexual abuse report. With the overwhelming evidence and association with abuse, would you advise this course of action or have additional suggestions for action?

-Anonymous

Let me get this straight: She is 4, pulls her pants down and touches herself? I fail to see what the overwhelming evidence is for a sexual abuse report. That’s what most 4 year olds do. While in some cases abusive contact can increase sexualized play demonstrations and behavior, something else does too — childhood curiosity.

You’re a parent who is concerned, wants to protect and cares. I appreciate that. I respect that. It’s also important to note that more than a third of children engage in childhood sex play with their genitals. In addition, most children use nudity as an autonomous expression of rebellion, humor, curiosity and pleasure. Remember, kids test boundaries and push buttons. What better boundary to push than the sexual, given we as a culture and parents are often uncomfortable with sex?

I think you’re jumping to conclusions based on your own fears and anxiety, given the limited amount of evidence that sexual abuse has occurred. While new sexualized behaviors can be observable with sexual abuse cases, often other noticeable changes are present such as aggression, isolation, acting out, excessive clinginess, attachment changes, distance and mood changes. Are you observing other changes in behavior? This could be an opportunity to talk with her about her privacy, her rights to her body and check in to see if anyone is violating those boundaries. I’d encourage you to open up this kind of dialogue and get more information first. You may have a child who simply enjoys her body and experiences happiness and pleasure from her explorations.