Musings,Reflections,Introspection - written through the Heart in hopes of touching Hearts.
Purpose - though perhaps a necessary intervention physiologically the "Heart Bypass" I'm suggesting is no way to "live" - perhaps the "heart attack" begins when each turns the opposite way and begins living for and from something other than their heart

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

In a place that might well be described as my “wildest
imagination” I hope that what I write is insightful, expansive, even
provocative – ultimately I hope that it serves others. It is my vison that my
own introspection and inquiry reach beyond the personal and touch the
universal.Nothing I write is
exhaustive – though I may well express exhaustion. I seem to think of myself at
times as suffering an acute lack of expertise and yet much that I seem called
and drawn to ponder doesn’t necessarily require one to have wandered the halls
of academia. It’s long past feasible that I would shape my life according to
some vision of my youth – I still marvel at those that have that surety of
vocation and life direction. It’s fascinating to me to consider the biography
of those that are framed around some sort of theme or refers to their “life’s
work.” I neither intend to discount these definitive paths nor admonish myself
(or others) for the lack of one.

My life it seems to me is defined, by lack of definition. If
I were to declare a focus for this particular post – I might go with “Letting
Go.” (That’s the “idea/theme” that is up for me).Given the declaration in the first paragraph – I feel
compelled to submit the disclaimer that upon declaring the topic – I must immediately
“let go” that I have any particular qualification to write about it, or claim
to expertise.

I gather that papers written to achieve academic or
scientific acclaim begin with a “thesis” then weave various research and
evidence to support the claim and some sort of closing argument (or at least
that is my “uneducated” notion of how that goes down – I don’t know – I’ve
never written one). It also seems to me from witnessing the anecdotal
experience of many that have gone that route, that often (though I wouldn’t make
a sweeping claim that always) that the work presented must meet the approval
(and perhaps even be aligned with, the belief system of) the professor. If that
were true, I think, “What’s the point?” “There’s no new ground being broken here”
“How can there be any evolution if there is only dogmatic adherence to existing
knowledge?” (Especially given that information that is adamantly presented
today as being “scientific fact” – is dispelled tomorrow).There is even “evidence” today that the
premeditated expectation of those conducting the experiment can and will,
affect the outcome).

Of course there is required – discipline, and there is a
human existential journey that occurs in conjunction with the learning
process.As I say that I’m struck
with the question, is the inner journey (and development) of the individual,
any less important than the scholastic criteria, which is ultimately what the
“student” is evaluated by. It seems to me that education has become so
“commercialized” that it can be, nothing more than an extension of a
hyper-capitalist economic system (as such there can be little or no attention
paid to heart and soul evolution, full attention placed instead, on
intellectual development and the standing that will give one in the system
after graduation).

I don’t wish to over-simplify matters and acknowledge as
well, that many people enter university and colleges for a love of learning and
a passion that will be fed by what they learn, which might well set them on the
path to do – their life work.

From that statement I then include, letting go of the need
for me to compare myself to those that have chosen such pursuits. Clearly to
date, I have “chosen” otherwise, it doesn’t serve to judge myself by a system
that glorifies those that have such an education over those that don’t. (Even
though I live within it and must accept and reckon with, certain realities as a
result – which mostly consist of the views and beliefs of others). None of
those at the end of the day really carry any weight with who I am in the world
(though of course the judgment exists and at times includes my own).

So then, no thesis to speak and strictly speaking no “hard
evidence” to “prove” anything I represent here. Yet, does subjective experience
not have a part to play in the ongoing evolution of humanity? Facts and figures
(“hard science” aren’t necessarily as exacting as we’re led to believe) – once
again, the “truths” of yesterday become the mistaken beliefs of today or
tomorrow. Everything is not at all, as it seems- therefore paradigms and ways of being that are widely
upheld through adherence of the masses, doesn’t make them a fail-safe path to
successfully navigate life.

What if, as the analogy goes (one did their utmost to
position themselves upon the ladder that represents the social/economic
hierarchy only to discover the ladder is up against the “wrong” wall)? If one
were to come to suspect that, then further participation may seem futile, or if
one’s place on the game board were to “backslide” (as in for example, a job
loss or divorce scenario) then it might not be as compelling to “rebuild.”
Given it’s not likely to be fruitful for me to declare the whole system flawed
– letting go might then look like “accept the things I cannot change” (there is
nothing to be gained by trying to be in direct opposition to that which I don’t
agree with). But, I might need to reconsider what I personally value and work
at letting go of assessing my “worth” based on external measures.

Seen in this light some of the more useful things for me to
examine, would be my attitudes and beliefs to determine the ways and means that
I limit what is possible and perhaps work at letting go accordingly. Certainly
it seems to me to remain true, that it is challenging to walk a congruent path
and not be in opposition to everyone else.Though I have now come to believe that I want to direct my
energies toward what I believe in – not spend endless time being “against”
things.So in that respect I could
continue to look for attitudes of self-righteousness, of the need to be “right”
concern for “getting it right” (life), fear of failure, shame – based
perfectionism, all that might have me hesitant to trust my own instincts,
constantly looking outside of myself for validation and approval.

What a conundrum! I consider the innumerable examples of
people that have made major contributions in various walks of life and many did
so without following “conventional paths.” Of course it could be argued these
were exceptional people (which I suppose is true with regard to their ability
to have little or no concern for conformity – or if they did, they didn’t allow
it to prevent them from making “their” discovery (contribution)– or
transforming society through championing social justice, standing in the world
as avatars (messengers of the divine) whatever their path, it might well have
involved a “lifestyle” that was not aligned with the neighbors. What an awesome
demonstration of integrity, conviction and clarity. Both “the Buddha” and St.
Francis of Assisi gave up on lives of affluence in order to follow their
heart-paths, Mother Teresa could have had easier “assignments” – but turned
down these postings in favour of her “calling” to help some of the worlds most
forgotten and marginalized people. This is not to say that a life that includes
financial abundance is wrong – (much can be done that serves the world if one
has the wealth to make that happen).It just also happens that wealth and abundance comes in so many other
forms none of which can be bought or awarded through formal education. At the
end of the day – no amount of “stuff” is going to matter (it no doubt plays
some part in the mosaic of human life) – but it seems to me less of it affords
one a great deal more freedom than amassing more.

No longer is it clear to me to what degree it serves to
continue to be “making a contribution to the economy” if, all that means is
unchecked consumption. I believe in the value of service to others, but who
says (beside the marketing professionals) that an equally or more valuable
contribution, might be to consume less? A contribution “to the village” seems
to me to be of great importance – it just seems to me that the consciousness
that has been brought into being (one of stark individualism) – which I reckon
began at the end of the Second World War, presumes that we all can work (earn),
buy (consume) and amass enough wealth (security) has all but eroded any
semblance of connection. There is so much divisiveness that each, in its blind
pursuit of their objectives, does so at great cost to the others (and
ultimately themselves). All the
while the “machine” keeps churning out new products and stirring the appetites
of the “consumers” into a frenzy and the “dream” once again moves the bar
higher (“once you are here you will have arrived”) only there, is not “here”
and there is, no arriving – as here becomes there and you haven’t arrived
yet!!!

Perhaps had I partaken in some further forms of “higher education” I might have
“got it” but from where I sit – the “dream” seems like a nightmare (of course I
am left-handed and it seems to me that throughout my life my viewpoint is not
widely shared – in fact it wouldn’t surprise me to hear that when I arrived
through the birth canal I was facing one hundred and eighty degrees in the
opposite direction of “normal”) so maybe I’ve got it backwards?

Let’s see – the dream offers “freedom” (from what I wonder?)
Nomads for example are afforded freedom of movement (in part I suspect because
they don’t need to hire a semi-trailer truck in order to port themselves to the
next destination). Of course they are faced with more immediate survival
considerations – but then I imagine they are not stressed about the volume of
stuff they need to pack, they aren’t leaving redundant couches on boulevards,
nor needing additional income to buy a bigger house and insurance for more
stuff, rent storage lockers or buy additional houses to get-away from the life
they created to buy the second house.

Maybe at the end of the day the “dream” is an illusion? I’m
not suggesting an end to dreaming.Instead I’m suggesting scrutinizing the fiddler calling the tune (who’s
dream is this that is being so widely embraced?) Does the dream you are
pursuing resonate with your own heart? How can a dream that pits one against
another – that consumes that which supports life in one place to “further” the
lives of others elsewhere be sustainable, or even acceptable? If while playing
“the game” you capture all the “opponents” pieces the game is “over!” What then
have you won? While you sit there with “it all” – how long before it creeps
into mind that someone now, has nothing? What of fear that someone will now
“take what you have?” Where is the freedom in that?

The dream doesn’t seem to me to address the barrenness of spiritual poverty! (I
am certainly not advocating that economic poverty equal spiritual mastery) but
it seems to me that lives lived strictly by the dictates and directives of
economics invite a special kind of longing and loneliness. The hunger of heart
and soul (that which connects us to the greater whole) must be satiated from an
entirely different menu. No amount of earning, buying, Prozac, alcohol, sex,
drugs or rock & roll will quell the disassociated soul from wanting to
realize its “wholeness” (holiness). One could literally destroy themselves in
the vain attempt to quiet the silent roar of their soul (without necessarily
knowing they are doing so).

My journey through life so far may well be largely
unremarkable by many standards and at times I think I have spent more time
skinning my heart and knees (to say the least) than making any worthwhile
contribution. All the while I have been in quest of the truth (even while in
stark denial of realities in my own life of my own creation that are rather
painful). I suppose my “research”
has taken me places and circumstances that many avoid altogether simply because
they were told, “don’t go there!” Apparently I have always needed to find out –
why? (I inherently seem to frame things through the lens of “who says it has to
be this way.”) Naturally I have often discovered there is an “easier” way to do
many things that I seem innately inclined to make more difficult (but certainly
not always). “Common sense” is a concept that apparently frequently eludes me (I
still think one should be wary of consensus approaches – it could be that it
represents some long standing wisdom, but it could just as easily be that no
one thought to (or dared) ask why is it so?

Do I represent
“the truth” now? No! Am I any closer to it now than when I began in this life?
Maybe.

I don’t think truth can be discussed in terms of “absolutes”
– there are laws such as gravity, causes and effect for example, the truth of
which defies denial. For a considerable time in my life I looked outside myself
for what is true (doubting what “seemed to be true” as presented through my own
perception) often reinforced by either no one else sharing in this perspective
or if they did, nothing being done about it (the status quo upheld by some sort
of unspoken collective agreement to remain silent and perpetually operate
within an under-current of malaise and discontent). I have vacillated between
compliance and speaking out (the latter resulting in various forms of
“punishment/disciplinary action”) which might imply the inappropriateness of my
action or serve to discover that something indeed underlies the oft touted
“truth” – “to get along you go along” or what I believe is the misrepresented
“go with the flow” (I don’t think that actually means to blindly participate in
what is going on around you – just so as “not to make waves.”) What if there is
a “flow” of deeply existing truths that one is being invited to connect with
and it doesn’t involved the status quo? Fear of reprisal can be a very convincing
motivator for compliance – but silence has it price to pay too. Somewhere
within what is being upheld as being “how it is” there is someone (or
somebody’s) that are highly invested in “it” staying that way. The “truth”
isn’t necessarily being served in this case. Breaking the rules might be the
“right thing “ to do in an abhorrently “wrong” situation (even when punishment
is a potential outcome). Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Joan of Arc and
countless others throughout history, have paid dearly to speak and live (their
truth) – they did so without concern for the admiration and acclaim they
received posthumously (I suppose you could say the outcome – their death, was
part of their life, in a way that is not true for everyone even though death awaits
us all) So often doing the “right thing” can result in what appears to be the
wrong outcome – Nelson Mandela spent 27 years of his life in prison, the Dalai
Llama most of his life in political exile (the former once seen by the U.S. as
a terrorist the latter certainly not exalted by the Chinese that occupy his
homeland) yet their resistance and subsequent consequences have (and are) bringing
about social/political change, raising awareness and altering the consciousness
of humanity (in many of these examples long after their human lives have
passed.

This brings me to consider that “letting go” could be as
simple as some nutritional adjustments or picking up a book instead of turning
on the television. Discovering the
truth for oneself though, might be more complex – it could come about as a
result of (or the need to) let go of entire paradigms. I would suggest this is
considerably more challenging as to do so might mean stepping away from ways of
being and mindsets that are widely practiced and accepted as “how it is.” To
renounce such things will be met with no end of resistance (including from
within the self). However continued participation invites the stress of
abandoning alignment with truth beyond the collective. I believe many of
histories “spiritual teachers” (Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed) knew and lived the
truth of this personal connection with the divine (the universal conscious)
instead of embracing the lessons and embracing the paths to personal
connection, spiritual freedom and oneness with all that is – religions
(comprised of dogma and conformity) were created to control the masses – the
truth of what they tried to teach was lost in what became presented as “the
truth” (to question the truth was to be labeled a heretic and was punishable by
death). Considered in this light – there was considerable motivation to live in
lies and claim the true and righteous path.

Undoubtedly change is occurring but his observation seems to
me to still be valid both previous to and after, the time he said this. Where
is any of it going? Even a brief repose from “shoulder to the wheel” yields a
disquieting view. Granted I likely won’t live long enough to see “how it turns
out.” Which leaves the burning question – what then to do, while I’m here that
contributes to the solution? When measured against the infinitesimal, many
might come to realize that their contribution is a seed planted that they may
not see bare fruit (still their heart and soul was engaged in the tilling of
the soil for a lifetime).

As I ponder such things a certain irony is revealed, so much
time and energy has been spent in a attempt to discover “who I am” only to have
the quest turn from inward to out, as the current face of truth seems to
emphatically suggest all that which has been discovered be directed in service
(in other words now that you are found – lose yourself in something beyond and
greater than yourself). On the one hand it feels like arriving somewhere after
a very long journey and though I didn’t expect that there would be fanfare
(well maybe on some level I did) there of course is none (not even from me). I
suppose that can be attributed to a “hunch” that all arrivals are just preludes
to departures (and vice versa).

It is said the “truth will set you free!” I would also
suggest that once one picks up the sword of truth they will come to realize it
is simple to carry it and even to swing it – though once it begins to reveal
the previously obscured path an ongoing challenge is presented to continue to
wield it.