Monday, March 4, 2013

Questions I Need Answered

Is it hickey or hickie? Either way, there is nothing more disgusting than seeing the tell-tale signs of adolescent lust and awkwardness on the neck of a 14 year old boy who seems to always be in need of a shower. Hygiene, boys. Hygiene.Why are we paying a $174,000 annual starting salary to individuals who don't do their job? (That being to actually pass laws that make our country better.) If I taught they way they govern I'd be the worst teacher in all of human history. And I'm including Mary Kay Letourneau in that list. Why must my birthday be sullied by the beginning of Daylight Saving Time? Every year since they changed it I've spend my birthday week extra tired from waking an hour earlier. Thanks again, government.Do you understand the zombie thing? Can you explain it to me. I've tried to find the humor in it to no avail. Zombies are generally disappointing.Why are stripes so appealing to me? I have a stripe problem.How can a sandwich consisting of a breaded, deep-fried chicken breast and sliced pickles be so delicious? I even pull off the pickles, so basically it is the chicken and the breading and part of the bun. Why are you so good, Chick-fil-A? And why have you not set up shop in my neighborhood? Couldn't we agree to kick Taco Bell out? Who even goes to Taco Bell anymore? What book/movie/musician do I not know about right now that you just know would be worth the time/Netflix/iTunes investment? No, really, I want your brilliant suggestions, readers.What did you think of Seth MacFarlane on the Oscars? Convince me it didn't suck because I thought it was awful. Really awful.More importantly, why do I continue to watch the Oscars year after year? It is a lackluster event with a few poignant speeches that can be found plastered all over the internet the next day anyway.Why is it so hard to find a perfect pair of jeans? And why do stores "upgrade" to new cuts and styles once you find your ideal?Why is it that the older I get, the more I just want to stay at home in yoga pants? Must be the jeans issue.

I always thought it was Hickey. Who knows? I did not read Teen Magazines enough, apparently, because most of my vocabulary as a pre-adolescent came from Nancy Drew and Sweet Valley High girl books.

For Sunday listening, Guitar Hymns by Ryan Tilby, or his second one, Sacred Guitar. Both lovely. I am related, but not by blood! He is the bass player for Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band, and quite talented.