A Forum for Orthodox Jewish thought on Halacha, Hashkafa, and the social issues of our time.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Can’t Happen Here!

Illustrative photo. credit: INGIMAGE / ASAP via the Jerusalem Post

Barbara Sofer’s opinion
piece in the Jerusalem Post reveals some statistics
about sex abuse that raises some questions in my mind.

1. The percentage of sex abusers are between 95% to 97%
male.

It’s not that I am surprised that
there are more male sex abusers than there are female sex abusers. Virtually
every incident that appears in the media involves a male abuser. But still that is a startlingly high
percentage.

Why is it that only males are driven to act on their illicit
lust with innocent victims despite the fact that those victims lives are
ruined? Is lust a greater issue for men?
Or is it that men are more inclined to act on it than women?

2. There are more boys molested as a percentage of the whole among Orthodox Jews than there is in the general population.

That was
surprising too, since I had always believed that the percentages to be the same
among both. Until I saw the reason for that. It is because of the increased level of gender
separation in Orthodoxy.

That too raises questions. Is there a bigger proportion of gay men in Orthodox
Jewry, than in the general population? If
it is lust that motivates them would a
heterosexual predator be interested in abusing a member of the same sex? How
can a straight male satisfy his lust with a male victim? Are there more gay men
in Orthodoxy? Or does nurture play any significant part in determining sexual orientation?

3. ‘90% of the complainants know their abusers. These are not
strangers lurking outside the corner store; they’re teachers, counselors, even
fathers.’

90%! That should be a wakeup call about who is doing the
abuse in communities that are populated by Orthodox Jews. If a child in Boro
Park is sexually abused, it is probably a religious Jew who did it.

4. Most victims are under 18.

5. There is a new category of abuse now happening in the Frum
Community: Spiritual abuse:

It’s about women whose
husbands’ increased religiosity isn’t about getting closer to the Creator, but
controlling their wives’ behavior and isolating them.

6. Studies show that sexual abuse in the Orthodox world – whether in Charedi, Centrist or Left
wing circles -is at the same level as it is in the general population.

This too is not a surprise to me. It is not a new statistic. It
has been known for some time now that sex abuse is not a function of religion, Hashkafa
or of level of religiosity. It is a criminal act often sourced in mental disorders like pedophilia - irrespective of
one’s type or level of observance. What
is somewhat of a surprise is the level of denial that still exists among
Orthodox Jews about it. Jerusalem Psychologist Debbie Gross posits that ‘there
was that pervasive myth that such perversity didn’t exist in the idealized
religious community’. ‘Not in my community.’ ‘Not in my school.’

Dr. Gross is the
founder and director of the Crisis Center for Religious Women. Founded about 20
years ago – it is an organization that ‘raises awareness, suggests means of
protection and offers healing help for those who have been sexually abused’. Why the need for an organization designed
specifically for religious women? There were after all many rape crisis centers
in Israel. Here is her explanation:

Jerusalem’s women believed they, their husbands and their
children needed guidance that would suit their religious lifestyle. Attitudes
towards modesty, relationships with religious authorities and community
attitudes were different. Even talking about sex was different.

If this attitude doesn’t change, the problem will persist…
and probably only get worse. Which is why I am happy to see that a conference on
these issues will be taking place in Jerusalem in just a couple of weeks. From
the Jerusalem Post:

From December 1 to 3, the Crisis Center for Religious Women
is hosting an international conference called The Jewish Community Confronts
Violence and Abuse, to be held at Jerusalem’s Ramada Hotel.

Lest anyone think that no one of any significance will be there, please note the following from the Jerusalem Post:

Among those who will open the December conference will be
Mayor Nir Barkat and Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi David Lau. Attending will be rabbis
Abraham Twerski, David Cohen and Yosef Blau, who have been mavericks in
confronting these dark subjects. Dr. James M. Cantor and Linda Graham will
bring international expertise from outside the Jewish community, and educators
are flying in from everywhere in the Jewish world.

Follow by Email

Followers

Recent Comments

About Me

My outlook on Judaism is based mostly on the teachings of my primary Rebbe, Rabbi Aaron Soloveichik from whom I received my rabbinic ordination. It is also based on a search for spiritual truth. Among the various sources that put me on the right path, two great philosophic works stand out: “Halakhic Man” and “Lonely Man of Faith” authored by the pre-eminent Jewish philosopher and theologian, Rabbi, Dr. Joseph B. Soloveitchik. Of great significance is Rabbi, Dr. Norman Lamm's conceptualization and models of Torah U’Mada and Dr. Eliezer Berkovits who introduced me to the world of philosophic thought. Among my early influences were two pioneers of American Elementary Torah Chinuch, Rabbis Shmuel Kaufman and Yaakov Levi. The Yeshivos I attended were Yeshivas Telshe for early high school and more significantly, the Hebrew Theological College where for a period of ten years, my Rebbeim included such great Rabbinic figures as Rabbis Mordechai Rogov, Shmaryahu Meltzer, Yaakov Perlow, Herzl Kaplan, and Selig Starr. I also attended Roosevelt University where I received my Bachelor's Degree - majoring in Psychology.