But I don't have just any old gopher ailing me. This gopher is one of the most brazen, cocky, make-fun-of-me gophers in the universe.

Meet . . . actually, I haven't given him a name yet. Or maybe it's a her. Hmm. I'll have to come up with something.

But anywho, Meet . . . the gopher!

Maybe this is a vole? I don't know for sure, do you? Let's just assume it's a gopher.

In broad daylight he pokes his head above the ground and snickers at me. Yes, snickers. His annoying little whiskers twitch and his beady little eyes dart around, daring me to protest his existence.

Which, of course, I do.

This is our yard! Our garden! Our soil! And this lame little gopher, and the generations before it, have taken advantage of our hospitality one too many times!

No longer will our grass and flower beds be pocked with mounds of dirt! No longer will our vegetable plants, after months of hard labor, be sucked through the ground in one fatal swoosh! No longer will I be mocked!

Huzzah!

So, today I tried putting some hair down into the open gopher hole (we happened upon it creating an entrance to its evil lair), because I had heard that gophers don't like the smell of humans in their tunnel. 5 minutes later it had removed the hair and the dirt I covered it with.

So then I messed up his tunnel with my shovel.

Still didn't work, he came back.

......Augh!

And I have planted plants that the gophers and voles supposedly don't like. We usually don't have any problem with the gophers and voles in our onion patch, but today they came up right in the middle.

.......Augh!

Tune in next time to see episode 2: Jenelle vs. the Gopher; round 2!

On a related note, if you have any ideas of how to COMPLETELY get rid of gophers in your yard, let me know!!!!!!!!!