November 15th, 2013

November 2013

What has happened since the last newsletter? England managed to qualify for the World Cup in style. Since then they’ve done an even better job in managing expectations.

In other news, I finished the Henning Knows Bestest tour on Tuesday in the Cockney paradise Southend-on-Sea. But let me tell you, Essex’s second city isn’t what it used to be.

Since my last visit two years ago gentrification has wreaked havoc and the whole place has gone chichi. There’s an independent coffee shop on every street corner! I always assumed Russell Kane was the odd one out in his hometown when in fact he seems to be their role model.

Luckily there’s one seaside town that hasn’t wielded to any metrosexual nonsense: Blackpool. I was there with the illuminations in full swing and I’m happy to report it’s every little bit as dire as it used to be.

Since the start of my tour in February, my rent has gone up another 5 per cent as London’s property prices are becoming ever more grotesque.

One of New Labour’s core policies was giving everyone a university degree; as a result they’re now all worth nothing. So you would think that the current government’s policy of pushing everyone onto the housing ladder should make houses worth nothing, too.

So far the opposite has happened – on paper any old windowless damp box room in Zone 7 is now worth a zillion trillion quid. With the inevitable currency collapse round the corner we might as well all take out zillion trillion quid fixed-rate mortgages, and pay them off with a can of beans once the pound has gone through the floor.

The safest long-term investment I can think off is ordering loads and loads of copies of my No Surrender DVD. It’s not only a shrewd investment but also the perfect Christmas present. It’s available on henningwehn.de or, if you prefer to buy it in the safe knowledge that the British government won’t see a single penny of the money, you can get it off Amazon.

Bizarrely, the DVD is actually cheaper on Amazon, where it’s a loss leader and purchasers are told that customers who bought this item also bought the complete Mrs Brown’s Boys box set (£89.99).

Mind you, the Amazon version doesn’t come with a German Humour Beginner badge and a signed postcard. Whether that’s worth the extra money is for you to decide.

So, that’s enough financial advice for one newsletter. Enjoy the rest of November and hopefully see you before long

Henning

Please find below a list of upcoming gigs. I’m essentially only doing the Christmas shows with their plethora of glorious German Christmas carols.

March 2018

5 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
6 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
12 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
13 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
14 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
19 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
20 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
21 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
22 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT

April 2018

09 – BATH – Widcombe Social Club – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
10 – BATH – Widcombe Social Club – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
12 – BORDON – The Phoenix Theatre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
13 – BORDON – The Phoenix Theatre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
14 – BORDON – The Phoenix Theatre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
18 – BEVERLEY – East Riding Theatre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
19 – POCKLINGTON – Arts Centre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
20 – POCKLINGTON – Arts Centre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
21 – BEVERLEY – East Riding Theatre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
29 – TRING – The Court Theatre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
30 – TRING – The Court Theatre – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress

May 2018

1 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
2 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
7 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
8 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
11 – GREAT TORRINGTON – Plough Arts – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
12 – GREAT TORRINGTON – Plough Arts – SOLD OUT- Work In Progress
13 – LAUNCESTON – Town Hall – SOLD OUT – Work in Progress
14 – LAUNCESTON – Town Hall – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
17 – DARTMOUTH – The Flavel – TICKETS – Work In Progress
18 – FALMOUTH – The Poly – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
19 – PENZANCE – The Acorn – SOLD OUT – Work In Progress
29 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
30 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
31 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT