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The Last Comic Standing 2Premeires June 8th 8E/7CLast Comic Standing" is hosted and executive produced by actor/comedian Jay Mohr ("Jerry Maguire"). In its second season, the series will again provide a new spin on reality television as it features the nationwide talent search for professional and non-professional comedians (both male and female). Once the selection process is narrowed to 10, after the final rounds of the national search held in New York and Las Vegas, the program will then follow the comedians as they live together in a house and compete for the ultimate prize-an exclusive talent contract with NBC. Last summer, 8.3 million viewers tuned-in weekly to watch the summer series "Last Comic Standing" as thousands of aspiring and professional comedians attempted to earn the title "Last Comic Standing." In the end, Dat Phan was voted by America to be the "Last Comic Standing." Since he won, Phan has become the headlining act at comedy clubs nationwide and recently made his acting debut.

This year, veteran producers Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz of Magical Elves have joined the show as executive producers. Cutforth and Lipsitz's credits include the second season of "Project Greenlight" and Bravo's upcoming series "Project Runway."

In the heart of Times Square, Jay Mohr welcomed us to the second season and reminded everyone of last year's huge finale upset where Dat Phan triumphed and became the Last Comic Standing. Dat himself updated us on his progress. Since his victory, Dat had appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and had begun touring the country. Dat said that he was truly living the American Dream. The search for the next comic sensation was underway. Leading the charge were veterans at judging comedy and crushing dreams: Bob Read and Ross Mark, who book the stand-up comics for the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Bob and Ross were ready to take a whirlwind, eight-city tour across the country to audition thousands of comics (or at least thousands of people who had the ability to wait in line) to find forty worthy performers to compete in the semifinals. Eventually, the group would be whittled down to ten finalists, who would move into a Hollywood mansion together. The ten would compete against each other and ultimately, the American public would choose the person to be named the Last Comic Standing. This winning comic would get an exclusive NBC talent contract and a stand-up special on Comedy Central.The first stop on the comedy caravan was Los Angeles, where more than a thousand comics braved the 73 degree, Southern California winter weather. Bob and Ross auditioned a wide range of performers - everyone from a ventriloquist to a Vietnamese cowboy. They also saw several men who apparently thought that their chest hair was funny. In addition, Bob and Ross turned away a young comedian named Buckstar, who looked like he could be the more annoying brother of Carrot Top (yes, more annoying than Carrot Top). The comics ranged widely in experience from brand-new performer to twenty-year seasoned veteran. Bob and Ross asked a select group of the comics to come back for a real performance in front of a live audience that night. The comics who did well at this audience performance would be invited to the semifinals in New York City. That night, the comics who had been called back waited nervously. Finally, the time arrived and each comic got his or her few minutes on stage. The comics drew laughs on topics such as Mexican DJs, Oprah and the Mafia (not all in the same joke). When it was over, Bob and Ross announced who would be heading to the Big Apple. The group included Todd Glass, a twenty-year stand-up veteran; Triana Gamaza, a comic by night and a stripper by, well, night; and ANT, who had been on the show last season, but didn't make it into the house. The other comics who moved on were Alonzo Bodden, Jimmy Dore, Pablo Francisco, Corey Holcomb, Monty Hoffman, Retha Jones, Jay London, Kathleen Madigan, Bonnie McFarlane, and Tammy Pescatelli.The next stop for Bob and Ross was San Fransisco. Thousands of new hopefuls waited in line - well, thousands of new hopefuls and one old hopeless: Buckstar. Yep, old Buckstar had traveled to the Bay Area after being shot down in Los Angeles. Bob and Ross were surprised to see the comic again. Buckstar began with some new material, but Bob and Ross cut him off. They said that he needed to work on his act and try again in two years. Buckstar asked if that meant he shouldn't head down to Texas, where the next open call would take place. Bob and Ross made it clear that Buckstar should not attend that audition. Later that night, the group of comics who were called back performed in front of a live audience. After the show, Bob and Ross announced the three performers who were invited to New York. They were Will Durst, who had been inspired to audition by friend and fellow comic Dave Mordal, who had appeared on the first season of Last Comic Standing; Vladimir Khlynin, a young, Russian-born comedian; and Chris Voth.Dallas was next on the nationwide search. It was a new city but had some of the same scenery: hairy comics without shirts - and Buckstar. Yes, Buckstar was back. He had made good on his threat to follow Bob and Ross down to Texas. Bob was stunned to see Buckstar and sat with mouth agape as the comic walked onto the stage. Buckstar started talking, but there was no joke in sight so Ross cut him off. Buckstar seemed unfazed and said that he'd see the two judges in New York. Again, there was a wide range of talent in the auditions. Bob and Ross saw a Hitler impersonator, a guy who was doing jokes so old that he'd stolen them from cave paintings, and a guy with a snake (no jokes, just a reptile). That night, after the comics who had been called back performed, Bob and Ross announced the two winners who would be moving on to the semifinals. They were Paul Varghese, who talked about his father - a man who was as scared of the dark as Paul was when he was five; and John Wessling, who managed to make the childhood beatings his father gave him funny to the rest of us.With below-freezing temperatures outside, hopefuls lined up for blocks in New York City - the next stop on the search. At this point, Bob and Ross had been to four cities in just over a week, and the strain was starting to show. At one point, Bob even said he wished someone would put a bullet in his head. But Bob's suffering wasn't quite over - Buckstar was back. This time, Ross cut the comic off and asked Buckstar if he liked clam chowder. Buckstar said he'd see the guys at their next stop in Boston. But before he left, Bob gave Buckstar forty bucks for lunch. Guess Bob didn't realize that if you feed the comics they're only going to come back. New York was fertile ground. After the audience performance, the guys invited eleven comics to the semifinals. The group included Dan Ahdoot, who is both Iranian and Jewish, which he said meant that people didn't know whether to hate him or hate him; Sue Costello, who had been the star of a short-lived sitcom; and Tom Cotter and Kerri Louise, two comics who are married to each other (and who each made it to the semifinals). The group was rounded out by Jessica Kirson, Marina Franklin, DC Benny, Dan Naturman, Louis Ramey, Tim Young and Eddie Ifft.Next was Boston, the city of highbrow humor - well, as long as you consider a middle-aged guy rapping about incontinence highbrow. Buckstar made his traditional appearance and was canned just as tradition dictated. But Buckstar promised to see Bob and Ross in Nashville. The comics who moved on to the semifinals were Frank Santorelli, a self-proclaimed comedy dinosaur who had been doing stand-up for more than twenty years; Juston McKinney, an ex-cop (a very funny profession); and Gary Gulman, an ex-accountant (an even funnier profession).In Nashville, hundreds of comics waited in the snow for their shot. Do I even need to type it? Buckstar came, he tried, he failed. The two comics who moved on to the semifinals were John Heffron, who was dealing with the trauma of turning the ripe old age of thirty; and Bert Kreischer, who wanted to win so that he could support his family by doing stand-up. (You know the difference between a comic and a large cheese pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four.)It was just above zero degrees in Chicago, but that didn't stop the comics from lining up. Now, it wouldn't have been an audition without Buckstar - and it wouldn't have been Buckstar without another rejection. Spots in the New York finals were growing scarce, so Bob and Ross could only give one away after the audience performance. The comic who moved on was Jim Wiggins, a 62 year-old with over 35 years in show business. The other comics seemed genuinely happy for Jim and gave him hugs of congratulations.The last stop before the semifinals was Tampa, Florida. It was one last city - and one last chance for Buckstar. So, Bob and Ross gave him a shot. They invited Buckstar to the callback performance in front of the live audience. At the show, Buckstar got up on stage and did a few jokes about following Bob and Ross around the country. Buckstar seemed his most sincere and relaxed. But even though he made the audience laugh, he wasn't moving on. Bob and Ross chose only one person to go to the semifinals in New York - and that was Jim Norton, a comic who admitted that he had the sex appeal of Leukemia.After more than three weeks on the road, Bob and Ross's grueling, eight-city tour was over. They had seen thousands of comics and had narrowed the field down to forty of America's best. These comics would now battle it out on stage in the New York City semifinals. It would be the most important show of their lives.

New York city was the site of the semifinals where the forty comics would battle it out. Each performer would get just three minutes to make the audience laugh and impress the talent scouts. By the end of the night, only twenty comics would be left standing. These performers would move on to the finals in Las Vegas. But before the comics got their shot on stage, they'd have to survive a short bus ride from the airport to their hotel - together. Yep, a party bus had been rented and all forty comics crammed in. It was like being stuck on a bus packed full of people who never got enough attention as children. Todd Glass led the group Most Likely to Annoy, who commandeered the karaoke system. Todd and company would yell and sing, "Keep it real!" whenever other people talked. In an interview, Todd said that the other comics didn't get it. He said the irony was that by yelling, "Keep it real." - he wasn't. I think the only thing that the other comics "got" was a migraine. The good news is, if that was just one short bus ride, imagine how entertaining some of these people living together is going to be.Jay Mohr got a warm welcome at the packed Hudson Theater. He explained that the comics had been divided into two groups of twenty. Ten comics from each group would move on; the others would be sent packing. Jay made his way into the audience and joined our old friends Bob and Ross, along with three celebrity talent scouts: Colin Quinn of Comedy Central's Tough Crowd, actress and comedian Kim Coles and Rich Vos, a comic who had made it to the final ten in the first season of Last Comic Standing.The enthusiastic crowd welcomed the first comic of the first group onto the stage: Alonzo Bodden. Alonzo opened with a Bed, Bath and Beyond run about being a single man who didn't know whether or not he had a duvet - and if it really needed to be covered. Next up was Jessica Kirson, who said she was on Atkins: "Today I had no crackers, no muffins, no cake. I had sixteen chickens, a dozen eggs and a lamb. I ate a whole farm." Pablo Francisco, who weaved sound effects throughout his three minutes, did impressions of Aaron Neville and Mexican radio. ANT was on the first season of Last Comic Standing, but only made it to the Las Vegas finals. He admitted that he was devastated last season and did not want to lose again. ANT did his three minutes and was well-received. Would it be good enough for him to move on or would he become a two-time loser? Frank Santorelli, who had been doing stand-up for more than twenty years, embraced his family heritage: "I grew up in an Italian family, kinda strange. My mother taught me how to shave." Will Durst, a political comedian, did his three minutes as George Bush, "President Rain Man." Vladimir Khlynin, a young, Russian-born comic talked about being a little, five year-old drunk in the motherland. Kathleen Madigan bemoaned the country's electoral system. After Todd Glass did his set, Bob told him that Todd was one of his favorites, but said that there was a rumor that Todd was very difficult to get along with. Todd smiled and asked, "...difficult enough to be good in the house?" - which drew laughs from Bob and the other talent scouts. Sue Costello did a run about women in bad relationships becoming "codependent cheerleaders." She even broke out into a few codependent cheers.Jimmy Dore talked about how awkward it is to be around people who hit their kids in public. He said he interrupted one woman who was hitting her child. The woman told him, "You gotta hit 'em. Makes 'em good people." Jimmy responded, "How many punches would it take to make you a decent human being?" Paul Varghese said the only thing worse than being afraid of the dark as a kid was having a parent that was as scared as you were. John Wessling said that his dad ruined his wedding by giving a toast while he was drunk. His dad began, "I like my women like I like my Scotch: twelve years-old and mixed up with Coke." DC Benny talked about riding the subway and being confused when people brought bikes in with them: "It's a bike. Go ride it. What are you, cheating in a race?" Corey Holcomb revealed the secret of how to look at other women when out with your girl: talk badly about the other women. Complain about their low-cut dresses and you can look at them all you want. Bonnie McFarlane shared her secret for staying trim: "One, I always take the stairs - always. Two, I'm anorexic." Bert Kreischer did a run about getting pulled over by a cop - but he may have gone too far when he joked about cops beating a black driver. Bob certainly gave a pained look. Next was Tony Woods, who outlined the reasons he would not like to go to Amsterdam. Jim Norton, still caustic and still bald, talked about how he tried to bargain down an escort service once. The service wanted three thousand dollars for a very pretty woman. Jim countered with: "Can you send over a deformed girl for fifty dollars?" Louis Ramey talked about being pulled over by a cop (fortunately, he didn't take Bert Kreischer's advice). When the cop pulled him over, he asked Louis, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Louis said, "Because I was speeding?" The cop responded, "No, 'cause you're black. Don't you read the papers?" Finally, Juston McKinney talked about being an ex-cop who was on the poorest and smallest police department in the state. The force was just two cops - his backup was a day and a half away.After the first group of comics finished, the tension was heavy. All of the comics waited eagerly to find out if they were moving on or if they were heading home. Jay got back on stage and announced the names of the ten comics who had earned a ticket to Las Vegas. Jay called up DC Benny, Bonnie McFarlane, Alonzo Bodden, Kathleen Madigan, ANT, Todd Glass, Jessica Kirson, Jim Norton, Corey Holcomb, and Sue Costello.The final group of twenty comics vying for the remaining spots started with Dan Ahdoot, who opened by declaring that he was Iranian. Dead silence from the audience. Dan then said, "Doesn't usually get a round of applause." - which got him laughs and applause. Chris Voth talked about his old jobs. He said that one holiday season he was a Salvation Army bell ringer: "It's a great job. It's like five bucks an hour plus tips." Tom Cotter opened by saying that he was excited: "This morning I woke up and I could feel Tension mounting. Tension's my dog." Kerri Louise talked about being a lifeguard. She said it was boring because no one ever drowns. She added, "Well, this one girl did, but I couldn't save her because I just ate." Kevin Brown said it was a great time to be a New York sport's fan - except when you have to sit through interviews with Dikembe Mutombo, who sounds like the Cookie Monster's Nigerian cousin. John Heffron wondered why golf was the only sport you're allowed to pretend to play while having a conversation with someone. Marina Franklin talked about avoiding a confrontation with a woman who was yelling at her child. Gary Gulman talked about his height: "I'm six-foot-six. That's a big Jew." Next was Monty Hoffman, who had success in television years prior but lost it after battling drugs, alcohol and cancer. On stage, Monty talked about his troubled relationships: "I had this one woman live with me for fourteen days. Then she chewed through the ropes and got free." Tammy Pescatelli opened with, "Pescatelli, that's Sicilian. And not all Sicilians are in the mob, okay? Some are in the witness protection program." Barnett said he gets upset when someone asks him what gang he was in: "What the hell makes you think I got that kind of dedication and team spirit?" Eddie Ifft said, "I just got back from Amsterdam… I think." Sharon Huston got almost no laughs with her wedding routine. Off stage she said, "I feel horrible about my set." Dan Naturman said he's against jukeboxes on principle: "'Cause you gotta pay a dollar to hear a song and the rest of the bar gets to listen for free." Jim Wiggins talked about his wife and family: "We had five kids. We were concerned about having five kids. We had read somewhere that every fifth baby born in the world was Chinese." Jay London opened with, "You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart." Retha Jones complained about getting older and told the ladies, "We go from a 34B to a 34 Long as the years go by." Rick Kunkler asked, "You ever see somebody so ugly that it startles you?" Triana Gamaza talked about being a stripper. When approached by a creepy guy who asked what her sign was, she replied, "The dollar sign." Tim Young said that after he got a new cell phone, he had to break up with his old company: "It was the hardest breakup of my life."It was time again for Jay to lift ten spirits and crush ten others. Jay announced the names of Tim Young, Marina Franklin, Monty Hoffman, John Heffron, Gary Gulman, Kerri Louise, Dan Ahdoot, Dan Naturman, Tammy Pescatelli and Jay London. Those ten comics raced up onto the stage and were joined by the first group of ten finalists. The twenty comics hugged and congratulated each other. But the celebrations would be short-lived. Soon they would arrive in Las Vegas where the group would be cut in half again. The surviving ten would move into a Hollywood mansion and be that much closer to winning it all.

Las Vegas Finals - Part Twoby Funny FanaticHow tough is the competition in "Last Comic Standing?" It's so tough that one comic got eliminated even before he performed. It turned out that Jim Norton had contractual obligations with other networks that would conflict with the time he'd be living in the house in Hollywood (if he were to be chosen as one of the final ten). Peter Engel, an Executive Producer of "Last Comic Standing," told Jim that, as a result, the show couldn't let him perform that night. Jim said that he was disappointed, but that he understood. Unfortunately, Jim's departure left a hole in the lineup. With only hours to go before that night's big performance, the show called on Jim Wiggins to fill the spot - the only problem was that Wiggins was on the road in Topeka, Kansas. The production staff jumped into action to try to get him to Las Vegas. Would he make it in time for his surprise second chance, or would his mad dash across the country be for nothing? It was going to be close.That night, Jay Mohr welcomed the packed house in the 1,200 seat Le Théâtre des Arts venue at the Paris Hotel. He explained that the last group of ten comics would compete for the final, five spots in the Hollywood house. Jay then introduced the four Celebrity Talent Scouts, all stand-up comics themselves: Tess, who had made it to the final ten in the first season of "Last Comic Standing"; Anthony Clark, star of "Yes, Dear"; Brett Butler who was the star of "Grace Under Fire"; and Drew Carey, star of "The Drew Carey Show." Up first was John Heffron, who had a unique strategy: he planned to walk out on stage knowing only what his first joke would be; he had no idea which of his jokes would follow. So, instead of having that nightmare where you're on stage with over 1,000 people staring at you and you don't know what you're going to say next, John decided to live it. However, the strategy seemed to pay off. John did his unplanned set and walked off to a standing ovation. Next up was Marina Franklin, who told us, "... it's all about rhythm and pace and energy at this point of the game." Dan Naturman talked about what might happen if he wound up in prison: "...I got these full lips that I'm thinking the other prisoners might be into… And I'm not saying I'm all that. I'm just saying in prison, I might get some extra attention." As Dan walked off, the crowd and Celebrity Talent Scouts were on their feet in a standing ovation. Next, Sue Costello did a run about her ethnic group's lack of sexual appeal: "I have a theory about why the Irish girls don't have a lot of sexuality, 'cause the Latino girls took it all." Todd Glass gave a bit of advice about how to spice up your next workout: "What if you went to the gym and just started smoking?" Then he suggested that you should, "…put on rollerblades and just stand on the treadmill

Jay London, who admitted that he was a "dark horse" and "a long shot," was up next. He walked out on stage with his trademark hair and jacket over his right arm, looking like the world's scariest coat check guy. London rattled off his relentless one-liners. He said, "My father would take me to the playground and put me on mood swings." He added, "I work at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond department." The performance earned him a standing ovation from the crowd. Tammy Pascatelli did a run about the cost of marital fidelity: "Kobe Bryant bought his wife a four million dollar diamond ring. You cheat on me and buy me a four million dollar diamond ring and I will be looking for broads for you." Alonzo Bodden did a run on stereotypes. He said that stereotypes are true - but that the negative stereotypes about a group are balanced out by the positive ones. After his act, Tess asked Alonzo about one stereotype in particular. I'll just say that Alonzo suggested it was true - and offered his size 14 shoes as evidence. Tess stood up, as if ready to do a little investigating herself. Alonzo started to take off his jacket and Tess began to unbutton her blouse. Thankfully, Anthony Clark held Tess back or we might have had to witness two digitally-blurred bodies up on that Vegas stage. DC Benny gave us a glimpse of New York life: "I was walking through the park the other day; I see this old man doing Tai Chi. I was like, 'Oh, that's beautiful.' But then I look closer and it's not an old man doing Tai Chi; it's one of those heroin guys that never falls over." The audience applauded, but no standing O for DC. After his set, DC admitted, "It was brutal... I may have sabotaged myself on that set on purpose." After the first nine performed, Jim Wiggins waited in the wings. Yep, Jim had just barely made it. In fact, he hadn't even had time to change his clothes. But he got out on stage and did a set that brought many in the audience, including Celebrity Talent Scout Anthony Clark, to their feet. Finally, Jay Mohr got back up on stage, sporting five, giant-sized keys to the house. The ten comics who had just performed waited anxiously. Five of them would be moving in and the other five would be heading back home. Jay gave the good news to Alonzo Bodden, Tammy Pascatelli, Todd Glass, John Heffron and Jay London. The audience cheered, but not everyone applauded. Brett Butler got up and walked out while the show was still in progress. Brett went back to where the comics who had not made it into the house waited. Brett told them, "...votes were thrown out and I'm really upset. And I wouldn't have participated. I have more respect for comedy. And you guys were great." Drew Carey called "BS" (okay, Drew didn't use the acronym, but I think you get the point). Drew said, "Me, Anthony Clark and Brett Butler did not vote for people that got on the show. Three out of four of us… I don't know why they brought us out here just to show our faces if they weren't gonna count our votes." Dan Naturman, who received a standing ovation but didn't make it into the house, refused to be interviewed after the competition. Peter Engel explained that the selection of comics was made in conjunction with the network and the producers - and that this information would be displayed onscreen to the television audience. Wow, so much controversy, and the comics hadn't even moved into the house yet. This comedy competition was getting serious.

Todd sent home! Closest audience vote ever!by Funny FanaticAfter his victory over Bonnie in the head-to-head competition, John returned to the house. He admitted that voting to challenge his friend Bonnie was the wrong thing to do. And even though many of the comics cheered when he entered the house, John did not act victorious. Instead, he knelt down and buried his face in his arm. John said, "I took the brunt for everybody who voted for her… She was so hurt. I just took it for everybody." Then John warned, "For the rest of the show, I am the Lone Wolf. I'll be part of no groups. I have to strictly vote on my heart for the rest of the time." The next day, John was looking for his bottle of water, and Gary said, "Seriously, you should drink as much water as you can, 'cause you're probably dehydrated from all the crying." John laughed and took it for the joke that it was - and a little tension evaporated from the house.To help reduce stress for the comics, a yoga instructor dropped by to lead some group meditation. Everyone had their own way of participating. Tammy closed her eyes and followed the instructions. ANT silently protested by smoking - something you thought Todd would have done. But Todd was apparently too tired to smoke, so he fell asleep and snored. All Kathleen could do was listen to Todd snore. And Jay London tried to remain modest by concealing the holes in the crotch of his sweatpants - avoiding a "comic exposé" that America was not ready for.ANT visited the mechanical fortune teller and received the next challenge. The comics would have to work as tour guides on a Hollywood tour bus. Two comics would each take a turn giving a tour as the bus drove through the city. Afterwards, the tourists on the bus would vote for the most informative, entertaining and charismatic person. The loser would be dismissed while the winner would stay onboard to face the next comic. This would continue until only one tour guide was left standing. The prize for that talented person? Immunity from elimination for that week - plus a professional photo shoot.The first face-off on the tour bus was ANT versus Corey. ANT said he had a unique strategy: he wouldn't try to make jokes every five seconds; instead, he would actually give the folks a tour of the city. But since ANT didn't know where any of the stars really lived, he'd just have to make everything up. Well, in Corey's words, it was a "slaughter." All thirteen tourists voted for ANT. ANT then soundly defeated each comic that followed. His relentless fictional Hollywood trivia was unstoppable. As a result, ANT won immunity for the week and a professional photo shoot. However, ANT had not won immunity from getting on people's nerves. According to Tammy, on the way back from the challenge, Todd used a word that offended ANT as a gay man. In response, ANT tried to make an analogy by using the N-word - and that set Corey off. The two men argued. It got so heated that Corey jumped out of his seat so that he could face ANT directly. Tammy was between the two and quickly scurried out of the way. Kathleen said she thought that Corey was going to take ANT and smash him through the school bus. Although ANT had put up a good, verbal fight, he let the tears flow when he got back to the house. Tammy held him as he cried. (Two crying comics in one episode - and it was only half over!) The next morning, both ANT and Corey felt remorseful about their actions. The two shook hands and agreed to put the incident behind them.With the Corey and ANT situation resolved, the house began to obsess about that night's head-to-head competition. Who would get the most votes? And who would not be coming back to the house? Jay Mohr returned and the nine comics voted. Each sat in the booth and uttered the words, "I know I'm funnier than…" Well, when the votes were tallied, it was a tie! There were three votes for Tammy and three votes for Todd. Jay Mohr informed us that this meant that Tammy and Todd would face each other in the head-to-head. So, Tammy and Todd each packed their stuff. One would leave directly from the theater and head home when it was over. Tammy thought it was the best possible matchup for her, while Todd said he felt he had a "fifty-fifty" shot at winning.At the Last Comic Theater, Jay Mohr was welcomed with a standing ovation. He treated the crowd to a short set about his ridiculously large, seventeen month-old son. Before she went on, Tammy said, "I didn't come this far to fail." Todd admitted that he was nervous, but said, "…on a scale of one to ten - about a five." Tammy was up first. She did a set that included, "This girl came up to me tonight and she goes, 'Who did your boobs?' I go, 'God.' She goes, 'Where's his office?' I go, 'Jerusalem. Now get away from me. Don't you think if I'd of had that kind of money, I'd of had my nose fixed first?'" Todd was next. He said, "Some people don't care about anybody but themselves, like people who wear bad hairpieces. You gotta be a bully to wear a bad hairpiece. Walking up to people everyday, 'Hey, try talking to me without looking at it. I'll catch you.' I don't know where to look with people with bad hairpieces… Why don't you wear spandex pants while you're at it so I'll have no safe zone to look at." Jay Mohr then returned to the stage with both comics. He announced that the vote for the funniest comic was the closest it had ever been. But with fifty-five percent of the vote, the winner was Tammy! So, Todd took his suitcase and headed home - another comic had been eliminated!

Gary Stomps ANT! Alliance loses its leader!by Funny FanaticTammy returned to the house after narrowly defeating Todd in the head-to-head. The reactions from her housemates ran the gamut. ANT jumped up and gave Tammy a big hug. A few others applauded. But Gary sat quietly. In an interview he said, "I was disappointed that Todd lost. It's like losing your best friend at a time when you really need a best friend." Gary also knew that the ANT camp was gunning for him next. ANT immediately went to work. He approached Jay London and offered him the professional photo shoot he had won in the Tour Guide Challenge. Jay was touched and gave ANT a big hug. But in an interview, ANT said that he was manipulating Jay London and would get him to vote exactly the way he wanted him to. Jay was excited about his photo shoot (where they did his hair and makeup). Amazingly, even after time with professionals, Jay's hair looked exactly the same. Jay admitted that he was nervous about the shoot - he even asked (in all sincerity), "How do you smile?" After a quick lesson in the art of the smile, Jay loosened up and finished the shoot.For their next challenge, the comics would roast one of their own at the famous Friars club in Beverly Hills. Corey asked what the Friars club was and Jay Mohr told him that the Friars are the ones who hosted all of those famous roasts where the likes of Dean Martin and Don Rickles gathered together and mercilessly made fun of another performer. Jay Mohr told the comics that this would be their chance to participate in one of the great traditions of American comedy. Plus, they would be judged by three legendary comedians. The judges would select the comic with the best roasting skills, who would win a free, one-year membership to the Friars club of Beverly Hills. Jay also said that one comic would be granted immunity before the night was over - but Jay was holding back one piece of information, sealed in an envelope. He promised to read the contents of that envelope after the roast. Next, each person voted for the comic they wanted to roast. With the ANT alliance voting as a single block, the group was able to make Jay London the victim of the roast. ANT thought that Jay London would be the easiest person to roast, which would give the alliance the best chance to do well in the challenge.Now, this was going to be an interesting challenge since none of the comics could use any of their old, tried and true material. This challenge would put all of the comics in the same, tough spot and force them to write from scratch, under a tight deadline. Gary said the writing aspect of the challenge made him lick his chops in anticipation. But would he be licking his wounds after the gig? This challenge would certainly highlight who writes well under pressure - and who chokes under the gun. Roast Master Jay Mohr welcomed the audience of Friars to the Last Comic Standing Roast at the Friars club in Beverly Hills. Next, Jay introduced the three legendary comics who would act as judges: Norm Crosby, Phyllis Diller and Rich Little. The first person at the podium was John Heffron. He said, "I know a lot of jobs that Jay had. Jay actually cleaned out stalls for horses. How confusing was it that week for those flies?" - which drew laughs and applause. Alonzo won the crowd over with his opening joke: "Beverly Hills invited me to a Neighborhood Watch meeting just to show the neighborhood what to watch out for." Then he did a series of well-received jokes about the man of honor, Jay London. Corey, on the other hand, struggled. He had some jokes that the judges reacted to simply with blank stares. In an interview, Corey admitted that he hadn't prepared the way he needed to. Kathleen also had a tough time. Behind the podium she said, "This is the politest man I've ever met in my life… He says 'thank you' more than a Chinese waiter, people." After she didn't get a strong reaction from the joke, Kathleen added, "Okay, maybe not." ANT didn't always get the reactions he was hoping for either. At one point, he admonished the crowd with, "These are the jokes, people. These are the jokes." Tammy got the judges to laugh with a reference to Festus from "Gunsmoke" (No, I don't know who that is either - but Norm Crosby seemed to like it.) And no one was safe from the insult humor of Gary Gulman. Gary had something to say about each of his fellow comics and all three celebrity judges. He said, "Phyllis Diller, the antidote to Viagra. God bless you, Darling." - which drew sort of a laugh/groan from the audience. Finally, after taking it all night, Jay London got the chance to get behind the podium and return the favors. Not all of his jokes hit, but that worked in Jay's favor since he does so much self-deprecating humor.Next, the judges weighed in. Norm Crosby said that overall, everyone's delivery and timing were good. But he went on to say that Kathleen was "very lightweight" and that Corey had "weak material." He thought Gary was "clever" but too "crude." He said Alonzo was "very clever" and that John had "great material." Phyllis Diller told Gary that he was a great talent, but she was put off by the fact that Gary didn't spend enough time roasting Jay London (as opposed to talking about the other comics and the judges). She said that Kathleen "wasn't cut out for roasts." She thought that John "had a lot of talent" and that Alonzo "was a good writer." Rich Little echoed some of the same sentiments expressed about Gary. He thought that Gary was talented but that his material was "too blue" (too dirty) and that he didn't do enough jokes about Jay London, the man of honor. He said that Alonzo blew him away and he liked Jay London. Finally, Jay Mohr said that the judges' scores had been tallied and it was time to announce the winner. With a score of 9.3 out of 10, Alonzo Bodden was the newest Beverly Hills Friar! Although Alonzo was riding high on the news, he came down quickly when he learned that winning the challenge did not give him immunity. Jay Mohr read the card from the secret envelope that he had shown the comics earlier. It revealed that the comic being roasted would be granted immunity. Jay London was thrilled that he could breathe easy… at least for this week.Gary believed that ANT's alliance was going to vote for him, forcing him into the head-to-head competition. Gary's consolation was that he could then select ANT to go up against him. But ANT told Gary that he wasn't going to vote for him, which would mean that Gary would not be able to choose ANT as his competition. (Remember, the comic who gets voted into the head-to-head can only choose an opponent from among the comics who voted for him.) Gary was upset that ANT would lead a group charge to force Gary into the head-to-head and then chicken out of being in it. Even Tammy thought that ANT had to vote for Gary - to protect ANT's reputation, if nothing else. But ANT said that no one had the power to make him do anything. That night, not surprisingly, Gary did get the most votes - so he was definitely going to the head-to-head. However, Gary was surprised to learn that ANT voted for him, making ANT a valid choice for Gary. Without hesitation, Gary chose to battle ANT. In an interview, ANT said he had decided that he would be going up against Gary that night. In his own interview, Gary said that this head-to-head was more personal than any of the previous ones.At the Last Comic Theater, Jay Mohr started the night off with a set about the mystery (and annoyance) of women's "getting ready for bed" ritual. Then it was time for the head-to-head. Gary was up first. Before he took the stage, he said, "Beating ANT would be revenge for the deceit that went into the removal of my rock from the house: Todd Glass." On stage, Gary said, "My favorite invention, a very important invention. Without it, I don't even want to live. Oreo cookies with Double Stuff. Are you kidding me? Double the stuff - same price. When I first heard that, I said, 'Oreo, great. What do I owe you?' They said, 'It's on us.' 'How do you turn a profit?' 'We don't care about money. We want to make you happy.' 'Well, you've succeeded.'" Backstage, ANT said that this was the moment that his entire career had been leading up to. ANT came out on stage and said, "Before I was a stand-up comic, I was a flight attendant. Don't all look so shocked… We had a member of the Romanian Royal Family flying onboard one of our jets one night. She was this princess. I thought she was going to be so much fun. The entire flight she was like this to me: 'Juice. Coffee. Now.' She said, 'I'll have you know in my country, I am a princess. I order people around.' I said, 'That's so cool. Because in America, I'm a queen and I outrank you.'" Gary and ANT had done their best. But it was then the audience's turn to speak. They voted, and 73% of them said that Gary Gulman was the funniest! In an interview, Gary said, "Ding-dong, the witch is dead." Backstage, ANT wiped tears from his eyes and wheeled his suitcase away.

Well todays episode was pretty funni. The comics had to perform for little kids and Kathleen won immunity. The showdown was between Gary and Jay London. Gary's routine was mediocre but the then again so was Jay's. The difference was that the audience laffed at Gary's jokes but Jay only got pity applause.So after all was said and done Gary stays and Jay London has been eliminated!

Corey Eliminated in Three-Way Head-To-Head!by Funny FanaticGary returned to the house after his second head-to-head victory. But his homecoming wasn't quite so triumphant this time. Gary said he took no pleasure in beating Jay London. On top of that, Gary thought he would still be the number one target in the upcoming head-to-head vote.Jay Mohr arrived and promised the wary comics more twists. In fact, Jay said he had a surprise for the group right then. He opened the door and in walked… three "hunks" from "Average Joe: Hawaii," dressed only in Speedos. Corey couldn't even look at the nearly-naked guys. The remaining comics were stunned to silence. Jay then said, "Oh, wait. 'Average Joe,' that's the next castle over." The hunks headed out - but not before Jay could slap one right on the butt. Then it was time for the real surprise. In walked all of the eliminated comics. If possible, the seated comics seemed even more stunned. (Hmm… stunned by the return of eliminated contestants? Had these people never seen reality TV before?) Later, Tammy admitted, "When those people came in, the insecurity, and fear, and jealousy all came back through the door." Corey said, "The pot's about to stir." And John was visibly shaken: "My past basically came rolling in - in a very bad green mist." Gary, however, had a different reaction. "When I saw Todd, I lit up like a Christmas tree." Gary jumped out of this seat and gave Todd a big old bear hug (however, he did not slap his butt, so he couldn't have been that happy to see him).The eliminated comics weren't back just as window dressing - no, they would have a real effect on the game. Each eliminated comic would get a vote to help determine the head-to-head match up for the remaining six comics. ANT was back and so were the whispers, gossip and little strategy meetings. ANT claimed that John had promised not to vote for him the other week but then did. John said he never made such a promise. ANT tried to rally his old troops around his cause, but it wasn't clear if he had the same solidarity as before.Next, Jay Mohr announced the new challenge. Each comic would have to pitch a sitcom with himself or herself as the star. The videotaped pitches would be shown to a focus group, who would evaluate the show. The comic with the highest rated pitch would win immunity and a guaranteed spot in the final five. The comics only had two hours to prepare their pitches, then they were whisked away to observe the focus group critique their shows from behind a two-way mirror. The group consisted of three men and three women. Several different minority groups were represented. Thus, the focus group was a cross-section of America that would accurately reflect the nation's views by a statistically significant margin - or they were just six people with an hour to kill. Staring at the group through the mirror of privacy, Kathleen said, "I feel like I've been invited to an execution."Corey's videotaped pitch was played back for the group first. In the pitch, Corey said he would play an average, Al Bundy-type character who is forced to move in with an upscale, "Frasier"-like family. Corey said his show would be about two worlds that collide. One guy in the focus group liked the idea. But a woman said she only saw Corey as a sidekick. A second woman said that she didn't like Corey from the instant she saw him. The reason? She didn't know, but she just didn't like him. (So did that mean that one third of American women would dislike Corey on sight?) Alonzo pitched a story of a recovering middle-class drug addict. The show was universally trounced. The group said it "was forced," "wasn't funny," and "might push the envelope a little too far." Kathleen's idea was a series about a fictitious entertainment show where she was the emcee. The focus group seemed split on the pitch. Gary pitched a show where he would be a young pediatrician living with his mother. It did not go over well. One woman said she "didn't like him." Others called Gary "generic" and "boring." And his show? One guy called it a "dead end."Tammy's pitch was about a wacky mafia family. The men seemed to like the show - of course, it seemed as though they might have liked any show with Tammy in it. One guy said, "she's just cute." Another said she was "sexy" and that he would watch the show just to watch her. But it wasn't unanimous. One woman said she "seriously disliked" Tammy's show. John Heffron, who admitted in an interview that his show "sucked," pitched an idea about a couple who lived in different states and could only see each other once a week. John had two of the women on his side - including one who thought he was "cute." But again, not everyone bought it. The other woman in the group thought the idea would get old fast. The couch critics had their say and the numbers were crunched. Jay Mohr announced the results - and Tammy's show was rated the highest! Kathleen was a close second, followed by John, Gary and Corey. Bringing up the rear was Alonzo. Tammy won immunity and a guaranteed spot in the final five! She was thrilled and said, "This is all I wanted… get to the final five, look down and see my mom and dad."Back at the house, John was sure he was in the cross-hairs - and he was right. After all ten comics cast their votes, John was going to the head-to-head. ANT and his crew had helped push John over the edge. The two eligible comics who John could challenge were Corey and Alonzo (John also got votes from two of the eliminated comics, who couldn't be challenged). John decided to throw down with Corey Holcomb. All of the comics still in the game breathed a sigh of relief, but it was just a bit premature. Jay Mohr announced another twist. The night's performance would be a three-way challenge. There was another round of voting and Alonzo, Kathleen and Gary were all fair game. After the second vote, Alonzo received the most challenges, so he would join John and Corey at the Last Comic Theater.The night of the three-way head-to-head, Jay Mohr started the evening off with a set about birds and their incredible ability to avoid cars at the last second… except for one that ended up embedded in Jay's windshield. Corey talked mainly to the ladies in the audience, telling them how their man behaves when they're not around. Corey also encouraged the ladies to make the most of themselves, "I want you to stay in school and keep getting good jobs because guys like me need a place to lay up." Alonzo was next. He talked about being single. He said, "I got women friends - the most useless group in the world. Having a woman as just a friend is like having nineteen dollars in the bank and looking at your ATM card." John talked about beating up his younger siblings. John's parents tried to buy safe toys, but John said he always managed to turn them into deadly weapons: "My mom bought us a Nerf football. She said, 'You guys can't possibly hurt each other with that.' 'Really? I will consider that a challenge. See what happens when I soak this in water for a week, then freeze it. Now we got a game.'" All three comics returned to the stage. Jay Mohr announced that with 55% of the vote, Alonzo Bodden was moving on to the final five! Alonzo was pumped. Next, Jay said that John Heffron had earned second place with 38%. John was also moving on, which meant that Corey was headed home. Corey said he was shocked and admitted that losing hurt. The other three finalist - Gary, Tammy and Kathleen - came out onto the stage and Jay Mohr introduced the Final Five to America.

"LAST COMIC STANDING" VOTING RULES AND FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONSViewers must note that all of the following rules and procedures are subject to change at the producer's sole discretion. How can I place my vote for my favorite "Last Comic Standing" comic?Voting is simple and easy. To vote, simply watch the five ousted comics of "Last Comic Standing" perform on the show on Tuesday, July 27, the final six comics on Tuesday, August 3, and the final three comics on Tuesday, August 10, all on NBC. Then you may vote for your favorite comic by telephone or on-line.To vote by telephone: Each of the competing comics in each episode will be assigned his or her own toll-free number, which will be read and displayed on the show. Choose your favorite comic and be sure to write down his or her toll-free number. The telephone voting lines will be opened for a maximum of two hours after each episode, commencing at the end of the show in each time zone. There will be a maximum number of votes permitted for each time zone, so be sure to get your votes in early. Simply dial the toll-free number and place your vote for your favorite comic during the two-hour voting window after the show.To vote on-line: You may also vote for your favorite comic on-line by going to www.votenbc.com. When you go to that web address, you will be asked to register, and then you will be permitted to vote. The on-line vote will be open commencing at the end of the Eastern Daylight Time (EDT) broadcast of the show and ending at 1:00 p.m. EDT the following day.To vote by text-message: Each comic will be assigned a number during the show. To vote for a comic, text message his or her number to the short code 4LAST (45278). The text message vote will be open commencing at the end of the EDT broadcast of the show and ending at 4:00 a.m. EDT the following morning. 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At times, you may hear a busy signal even though the telephone network is designed to handle a very large volume of calls simultaneously. This may occur right after the show has aired, or if you are calling outside the two-hour voting window.If you can't get through and you are certain that you are not calling outside your one-hour voting window, then we recommend that you remain patient and try your call again. The busy signal may simply mean that your local phone company has been flooded with calls. If the problems persist, we recommend that you contact your local phone company. Alternatively, you may vote on-line at www.votenbc.comHow do I know my vote has been placed when I vote by phone?Remember, telephone voting is open for only two hours, and will be closed earlier if the maximum number of votes for the particular time zone has been reached. 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If you hear the wrong comic's information, then it is extremely likely that you accidentally dialed the wrong telephone number, so check the telephone number and dial again. Remember that voting is currently restricted to three calls per originating telephone number. If you have called more than three times from one telephone number, you will hear a pre-recorded message stating that you have reached your call-in limit for that particular telephone number, and any calls after three from that telephone number will NOT count as a vote. How do I find out the results of my voting? The results of the vote will be broadcast at 10/9pm the Thursday following the voting period. However, remember to check your local listings for precise air times and dates.What is power dialing, and what is being done to protect against it?Power dialing occurs when individuals unfairly influence the outcome of the voting system by generating significant blocks of votes using technical enhancements. 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im sure that many others including myself were surprised that jay london came bak. i think he has managed to become LCS's rupert in some ways but i dont think his set was funni i thought it would be a close race between Todd Glass and ANt who i thought were both extremely funni, and corey wasnt half bad. i dont think ppl in florida voted rite, because as much as i would love to see jay london again i think Todd glass deserved the spot.

There are some things in this world I thought I'd never see. A classy reality show on FOX. Julie Chen asking actually intelligent questions. Jay Mohr getting a standing ovation. Well, one of out of three ain't bad. Even if the producers of Last Comic Standing had to bribe the entire audience at the Alex Theatre.

Tonight, the six remaining comedians will be cut. Hopefully there is a hospital nearby, because Jay London looks like a bleeder. Only three of the six will return for next Tuesday's two-hour season finale to find out who will be the Last Comic Standing.

In an effort to make the six wannabes look even better than they actually are, the wise sages of the show have told Jay Mohr to do a brief comedy act to start the show off. By his third joke I think we are all dying for some real talented comedians. Or Kathleen Madigan, whichever comes first.

After the local bomb squad has come in and defused his horrible jokes, Jay introduces us once again to the six finalists and explains how they plan on taking a five minute results show and spreading it out over one hour. The comics will be separated into groups of two, one that made the finals and one that didn't. Each comic will then do an abbreviated set and then the results will be announced.

Gary Gulman and Tammy Pescatelli are the first twosome. Gary is off of his game, having just arrived from the World's Strongest Man competition in Zaire, so his jokes were a tad flat. Tammy was actually funnier than he was, but lacks the cut definition that Joe Weider and the rest of the IFBB judges were looking for, so it is announced that Gary will be moving on to the finals.

The next two are John Heffron and Kathleen Madigan. John is still funny two days later, while Kathleen's voice is still as unemotional as HAL 9000. Would you like to hear a joke, Dave? Her set was probably better than her performance on Tuesday night, probably due to the fact that Camryn Manheim wasn't in the audience. Which meant that she actually got to eat some of the food backstage before going on tonight. It wasn't enough, as John Heffron was the winner of this pair.

The final group took the stage, with wildcard and wildman Jay London bringing out his act again. I actually find him funny, but I knew he had as much a chance of winning as I do of becoming a professional writer one day. I realize that Alonzo Bodden will probably win the whole contest, and he again delivered a strong set. I haven't seen a brother beat down a white guy like this since Homey the Clown kept hitting those affluent neighborhood kids upside the head with his knapsack. Jay announced that Alonzo was moving on to Tuesday's show, meaning that the three best actually made it to the finals. Simon Fuller should have his show try that sometime.

C.C. McCandless is an independent filmmaker and freelance writer. He has a Bachelor's degree in broadcasting from the Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication at Arizona State University. Randall the Vandal dropped out of high school to work at the local A&P, and once watched a newscast of Walter Cronkite. Email Randall here: randallthevandal2004@yahoo.com

DETROIT, Michigan (AP) -- John Heffron, who says he began doing stand-up in clubs as soon as he was old enough to be admitted, is NBC's newest "Last Comic Standing."

Heffron got the most votes nationwide to win Thursday night in the second-season finale of the talent contest hosted and produced by comedian Jay Mohr. He was one of three finalists chosen from 10 comedians who appeared on the show.

Heffron will receive an NBC talent contract, his own half-hour special on the cable network Comedy Central and is to appear Friday on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno."

Heffron, a Detroit-area native, attended Eastern Michigan University, then made his way to California nearly two years ago, and "has found a home in Hollywood," according to his Web site.

At the end of his final performance Thursday night, Heffron acknowledged his home state, shouting "Michigan, hello" to the live audience and cameras.