The Backup Dan

Gossip Girl: Everyone wants their wedding to be perfect. But on the Upper East Side, perfect isn’t good enough. Although some disasters can’t be avoided.

Eleanor (Margaret Colin): Serena, Blair seems happy, doesn’t she? With Louis?Serena: Of course. I mean she loves Louis. She’s a Princess now so, you know, as soon as that soaks in she’ll be beyond happy.

Gossip Girl: But no matter how you might plan for perfection there’s always a hitch.

Chuck: It appears our question has been answered. Blair’s at my place.

Lola Rhodes (Ella Rae Peck): You must be pretty desperate to flirt with me by doing manual labor.Nate: What? This isn’t flirting. I’ve always wanted to load a catering van. One more thing to cross off my bucket list.

Lola: Wait, the Princess is a runaway bride and you’re going to go look for her? I’m in.

Princess Sophie (Joanne Whalley): Maybe you should tell me what is going on.Louis (Hugo Becker): I was so angry I couldn’t wait.Princess Sophie: What did you tell her?Louis: Everything we discussed. That after humiliating me she would be my wife in name only.Princess Sophia: What were you thinking? The press is outside awaiting your departure. There are hundreds of guests here. This is why I told you to wait. Blair needed to be by your side this instant.

Gossip Girl: Prince Louis may not have been left at the altar, but the honeymoon appears to be over before it begins.

Chuck: What have you done with Blair?Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg): Nothing. Except tell the dumbest member of your security team that I was her.

Gossip Girl: Looks like everyone wants to know where the royal bride ran to, but will they find her in time?

Dan: I don’t understand. The Dominican Republic?Blair: Louis may not agree to a divorce here in the states but I think I can get one there without his consent.Dan: Was researching divorce law part of your wedding prep? Because that should have been your first sign.Blair: Elizabeth Taylor got her fourth divorce there. There’s some weird loophole in the law where you don’t need the groom. Or maybe they just take bribes. Either way, I’ll figure it out when I get there.

Gossip Girl: You can run and you can hide, but Princess B, beware. Gossip Girl has eyes everywhere.

Blair: We are decoys. A distraction so that the real royal couple doesn’t get mobbed by tabloid obsessed losers like yourself. No offense.

Blair: You think I’d be insulted by someone with a Samsonite? Look, I just need to change so lend me your credit card so I can go shopping while you get my ticket. They do give credit to people from Brooklyn. Right?

Serena: I’m sorry Blair wasn’t here. I know you were hoping she’d run to you.Chuck: I should have known it wasn’t her. I need to make peace with the fact that it’s over. Whoever released that video killed whatever chance I had with her.

Dan: Don’t tell anyone I’m calling, and please don’t freak out, but I’m at the airport right now. With Blair. She’s going to the Dominican Republic to get a divorce.Rufus: What are you talking about?Dan: You just gotta trust me.

Rufus: I don’t think Blair should be dragging you into this.Dan: She needs me, Dad. If you could see how upset she is you would understand. Please, please. Just stall them.

Blair: Rufus is always doing the right thing. I’m sure he’s already told my mother, which means everyone will instantly know that she knows because she refuses to get Botox. Her face is an emoticon.

Blair: Listen, I don’t think you fully understand the urgency of my situation. You know what everyone says they did to Charlene Wittstock when she tried to run and she was an Olympian. These people don’t mess around.

Gossip Girl: Careful B, loyalty’s only worth so much until there’s a bigger price on your head.

Princess Sophie: I will not stand for the humiliation of my son being left on his wedding day. If you can not get Blair to return, then you will be required to fulfill the dowry that we so generously waived.Eleanor: First of all, I thought my daughter was with your son. And as for the dowry, it was waived because it’s antiquated and outrageous. You cannot force us to pay it.Princess Sophie: It’s all in the prenuptial agreement. If she defaults on the marriage, the dowry can be reinstated.

Dorota: Mr. Chuck! I was only trying them on! I was so bored locked inside. But thankfully Miss Georgina a mother and she not leave me without snacks.

Serena: Oh my god, Blair wants a divorce.Dorota: That is my hope. Before I was locked in closet, Mr. Louis was calling and calling. He said he want to find Miss Blair and get her help she needs. Which in romance novels means locking her forever in tall tower.

Gossip Girl: Sometimes when you want things done right you have to rely on others to do them for you.

Blair: I think the hotel clerk recognized me. Did you notice him staring?Dan: You mean after you lectured him about the lack of spa amenities?

Blair: I can’t believe that in just a few short hours I went from being a princess with a private jet and a palace, to flying coach and hiding out in an airport hotel room with Dan Humphrey. What have I done to deserve this?Dan: How about what I’ve done? Like be there for you completely and without question and you still treat me like crap. would it kill you to be just the tiniest bit appreciative?Blair: In case you haven’t noticed I’m not exactly having fun either. This was supposed to be the best day of my life and now it’s a big mess and you don’t need to be yelling at me on top of it!Dan: If you haven’t noticed I’ve been helping you the entire time and you’re the one who’s yelling! Alright, now I’m yelling too, but you started it.Blair: I hope someone yells at you on your big day so you know how it feels!Dan: You already did. Remember the day my book came out, you blamed me for creating all your problems with Louis. And you never even read it!Blair: I read the most important part! The part that never happened!Dan: Look, all I’ve ever tried to do is be your friend, but friends don’t treat each other the way you treat me, so if you really think you’re better off without me then why don’t you try it out!Blair: That’s right, go ahead and leave. I didn’t want you in the car and I don’t need you now.

Blair: That’s not a Dorota knock. She’s a stickler for shave-and-a-haircut.

Georgina: My work here is done. And documented.

Blair: It was you who sent in that video to Gossip Girl?Chuck: And set me up to take the fall.Serena: Yep. Yeah, fine. It was me who did it. But I did it for the two of you.Blair: You ruined my wedding? For me? I know you never believed in my pact, but this wasn’t your choice to make.Serena: I didn’t do it to hurt you, Blair. But you choosing to run away with Dan, knowing how I feel about him and not telling me any of it, that hurt too.

Gossip Girl: Uh oh, B. Looks like you were right about their royal reach. Hope your plane ticket’s refundable.

Dan: Are you really mad about Blair or is this about us, about what you said at the wedding, because I haven’t given you an answer yet?Serena: You just did.

Blair: I can’t let you buy my freedom.Chuck: If it means getting rid of them it’s worth the cost. I’d do anything for you.Blair: No. not like this. I made a promise and I need to keep it.Chuck: To God? Please. You broke that promise when you left Louis. And look. I’m still standing.Blair: Chuck. I need you to let me handle this on my own. What kind of chance do we have if our fresh start is you buying me from Louis? When and if we end up together, it has to be as equals. With nothing over our heads. That’s the only shot we have.Chuck: I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else. I don’t care what it costs or where we have to go. I just want to be with you.Blair: Louis won’t lay a hand on me. I promise. I’m sorry. This is how it has to be.

Dan: If you’re looking for Serena, she’s on her way back to the city.Blair: I was looking for you. I want to apologize. Everything you said was right. I could never have survived this last month without you. I also know you wrote those vows.Dan: Well, you know, Louis asked me to. I just tried to write down what I assumed he would love about you.Blair: Well you did a great job. It’s pretty obvious you care way more about me than Louis. As a friend of course.Dan: Of course.Blair: And I care about you too. Even if I have odd ways of showing it, like bossing you around or making fun of your hair. Seriously, you should cut it already. Thank you for helping me. And I really am sorry for maxing out your credit card and not reading your book.Dan: Listen, you have much bigger problems to deal with. Speaking of, what now?Blair: I know what I have to do. But I just need to know that you’ll be there for me.Dan: Always.

Georgina: Since Gossip Girl abandoned her post after Blair’s accident, it’s been my civic duty to step in and continue her work. It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it. The world needs Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl: Some secrets I’ll never tell. But most secrets make for excellent blackmail material. That’s how it goes on the Upper East Side. XOXO —Gossip Girl.