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The Masters is played this
week at Augusta National
Golf Club in Georgia. It
should be very exciting.
Martha Burk thinks she's
going to lay down the law to
a Scottish sport in a Rebel state in a town named
after the mother of King George III.

The Cincinnati Reds celebrated Opening Day last
week in the team's new Great American Ballpark. It
caused some concern. The new baseball stadium is
twice the size of the old baseball stadium, so the
steroid problem might not be limited to the players.

Robert Blake pleaded not guilty in Los Angeles
County Court to murdering his wife. He's free on the
terms of his bail. Robert Blake promised to wear an
ankle monitor at all times, to stay inside the county,
and to read the judge's screenplay.

Mexican President Vicente Fox said the United
States had no business invading Iraq and called for
the U.S. to withdraw and go home. This hurts. If
there's one thing for which Mexicans are
well-respected, it's their belief in the sanctity of
borders.

The Commerce Department on Friday warned U.S.
companies vying to rebuild Iraq that Iraq's annual
vacation period is set in stone. The Iraqis
traditionally never work in June. In that respect they
are exactly like the Los Angeles Clippers.

President Bush met Tony Blair in Northern Ireland
on Monday to discuss a new Ulster accord.
Protestants and Catholics there have no peaceful
way of settling religious scores that go back four
hundred years. They don't have college football.

CBS News says the Federal Reserve is being
lobbied to take actions that would lower mortgage
rates to four percent. Some economists predict this
would end the recession. Economic forecasting has
one primary function, which is to make astrology
look respectable.