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my next book is going to be called, "800 easy steps to trussing a chicken in just over an hour".

i already have the outline:

chapter 1: do as i say, not as i do.chapter 2: hazmat and youchapter 3: why can't we do it in the road? or the driveway? or the backyard? anywhere but the kitchen?chapter 4: flaming lysol is your friend"chapter 5: why you should never, ever truss your own chicken

ps--we bought a spool of baker's twine at, of all places, a gift store inside a car wash (wrapped in an enigma). it has 100 yards on the spool. "mama, that's enough for you to truss almost 10 chickens!".

﻿﻿﻿﻿(Preemptive
defense: Before anybody writes me an angry email about how
their mother’s uncle’s niece is a dancer and the loveliest person
you’ll ever meet, please bear in mind that your VoHostess was
herself a professional ballerina for 20+ years, so she speaks from a
place of intimate familiarity, which we all know breeds
contempt).﻿

The
following are the rules for participating in the most prominent
dancer's forum on the web. Since I don't want to get kicked off
the forum, I will just describe in general terms.

There
are SIXTEEN STICKY THREADS DISCUSSING RULES. You read that
right--the moderators started independent threads in which to expound
on each rule individually.

Rule
#1:
The first rule about dance forum is don't talk about dance
forum.

Rule
#2:
Rule detailing who is allowed to respond to whom and more
emphatically, who is NOT allowed to do so.

Rule
#3:
Rule detailing allowable grammar and punctuation.

Rule
#4:
Rule detailing procedure that will be followed for violation of
Rules.

Rule
#5:
Rule detailing punitive actions that will be taken against
those who have been deemed to have broken the Rules.

Rule
#6:
Rule detailing which spellings and definitions of ballet
terminology will be TOLERATED [sic].

Rule
#7:
Rule detailing acceptable decorum and netiquette (in which the
word "netiquette" itself is described as "borderline
acceptable").

Rule
#8:
Rule detailing what is and more importantly is NOT allowed in
signature lines.

Rule
#9:
Rule detailing conditions under which new members will be
allowed to begin participating in the forums.

Rule
#10:
Rule detailing exactly how you will be kicked off if you
disagree with the Rules.

Rule
#11:
Rule detailing who has authority to edit and revise
Rules.

Rule
#12:
Rule detailing which Rules have priority over other
Rules.

Rule
#13:
Rule detailing how often and under what conditions Rules will
be revised.

Rule
#14:
Rule detailing the procedure for repealing a Rule.

Rule
#15:
Rule detailing why there is no appeal process for getting
yourself kicked off the forum (the essence of which is "ignorance
of the law is not an adequate defense").

Rule
#16:
Rule detailing why there is to be no discussion of the Rules
amongst non-Rulemaking members.

And this, in a very large and grumpy nutshell, is why Ella takes karate.

~~~~~~~~~

﻿﻿﻿By
contrast, here are the rules for the biggest KNITTERS forum on the
web, having approximately a zillion* more members than the biggest
dancers forum on the web (* that number is not much of an
exaggeration--the biggest knitters forum on the web has over TWO
MILLION REGISTERED MEMBERS--whereas the biggest dancers forum has
only 10,000 registered members).

Rule
#3:
Offer only constructive comments. If you have an issue
with a person or business, take it directly to them and give them a
chance to make it right.

Rule
#4:
People of all ages, races, nationalities, ethnicities,
religious, political parties, and knitting abilities are welcome.
Welcome others and help them be part of the gang.

Rule
#5:
No spam.

Rule
#6:
Don't use the forums for personal gain. We're help to
help each other, not just ourselves.

My
favorite part of this forum's policy statement is this: "These rules are meant to help our community grow and stay
healthy." That is a worthy and noble goal for any group, including the family unit.

Many years ago, while walking down a city street, I encountered what appeared to be a monument laid directly into the sidewalk. It was not very elaborate, but rather had a modern yet timeless design--it was heavy and solid and designed to last the ages--and by its placement it was obvious that it was meant to attract the attention of anyone who passed by.

The sole word on the monument made it clear that this was a memorial to someone who could sew and immediately my mind flooded with questions: Why is there no name? Was this a tailor or a seamstress? Why was this person laid to rest here, right in the middle of the street?

And then I put it all together--a flat, round object, made of heavy, solid metal, laid into a hole in the sidewalk.

So far this is working for me. It's like Flylady but without the nagging. So far I've only broken the chain once--when I had the flu and pneumonia with a side of sinus infection--I gave myself permission to mark those days with half a chain and to make them up as I am able. So the chain has a weak spot but it's still holding on, just like you and me. :)