Warehouse 13 Reviews: Season 3, Episode 4

Episode 4: Queen for a Day

This one starts with Artie trying to catch the green scarab that escaped a couple episodes ago. He’s getting no help from Pete, who’s too busy making Top Gun references and chatting with Steve. Steve and Claudia are in Shiloh National Park to retrieve Ulysses Grant’s booze flask, but their job is complicated by the fact that there’s a Civil War re-enactment going on … so basically everyone has a flask. Artie finally catches the scarab, but he seems to have a cold and the scarab takes off again when he sneezes. Pete gets a call from Leena at the boardinghouse, who tells him his ex-wife is there to see him.

At the boardinghouse, Myka returns from a mission in Dubai where she retrieved Queen Hatshepsut’s golden beehive, which had gone missing from Warehouse 2. Myka is surprised to meet Amanda, Pete’s ex-wife (played by Jeri Ryan). Amanda is a Major in the Marine Corps, and judging by her combat ribbons, she’s not somebody you want to mess with. (She has a Bronze Star and a Combat Action Ribbon, among others … though the ribbons are in the wrong order.) Myka wonders if Amanda is Pete’s cousin (since her last name is Lattimer), but before Amanda can tell her the truth, Pete comes in and takes Amanda to the parlour to talk to her in private.

Amanda gives Pete a rare comic book (which turns him into a twelve-year-old) and finally admits the real reason she’s there: she’s getting remarried and wants her grandfather’s ring, which Pete still has. He’s a little taken aback, but goes to get the ring, leaving Amanda to wander around the living room. Unfortunately, Myka left Hatshepsut’s beehive on the table and Amanda accidentally activates it. Artie and Myka come in and gawk at Amanda like she’s a circus freak, but Pete shoos them out. A gold bee exits the beehive and falls into Amanda’s bag while she and Pete are saying goodbye. Pete gives her the ring back and says he’s sorry for being a hopeless drunk and wrecking their marriage.

Later, Pete explains to Myka that the marriage was pretty much doomed from the start; they were too young, and while Amanda knew exactly what she wanted, Pete was kind of drifting. He can’t help wondering if things might’ve worked out under different circumstances. Artie and Leena interrupt them with bad news … Hatshepsut’s beehive is missing the bee. They go back to the boardinghouse and tear the living room apart and Leena remembers that Amanda’s bag was right under the beehive. Pete freaks, since having his ex-wife unwittingly carrying an artifact to her perfect fairy tale wedding wasn’t part of the plan … especially since Amanda has no idea about the Warehouse or what Pete does there.

At the (rented) castle in the Poconos where Amanda is getting married, she ignores a call from Pete as she sees her fiancé, Michael (played by Anthony Lemke, of Dark Matter and Frankie Drake Mysteries fame). Interestingly, Michael has fewer medals than her, and he’s only a Captain … it must be true love. As she’s rummaging in her bag, Amanda is stung by the gold bee. She quickly loses interest in the sting on her finger when the wedding coordinator asks for her input on something. In Shiloh, Claudia is telling Steve about rescuing her brother from interdimensional space, but when she tries to get Steve to talk about his past, he clams up. Meanwhile, she and Steve have checked all the flasks they could find and none matches the one they’re looking for. They figure one of the cosplayers must be carrying it … a worrying prospect since whoever drinks from it actually believes he’s Ulysses Grant. Since everyone is carrying a bayonet, things could get a bit stabby. Claudia tells Steve they have to be stealthy to get the flask and figures they may as well go all out, so they dress up like Confederate soldiers to blend in. (Steve: “Why do I feel like Laverne?”; Claudia: “Oh no, you’re not Laverne, I’m Laverne … you’re Shirley.”; Steve: “I am not Shirley!”)

In the Poconos, Amanda affects her three bridesmaids and the three-man honour guard by touching them with her bee-stung finger. They immediately become smothering, trying to cater to her every whim. When Pete and Myka show up and ask to talk to Amanda in private, her attendants follow like zombie stalkers. Amanda sees her future in-laws and tells her attendants to keep them away from her at all costs. When Amanda takes Pete and Myka into another room, the Marines and bridesmaids grab Michael’s parents, gag them, and drag them off. Pete and Myka can’t tell Amanda the truth but they convince her to let them search her bag. Pete finds Amanda’s back-up bribe (a Sandy Alomar Jr. signed baseball, in case the comic book didn’t work), and then finds the errant bee. He bags it (which gives off the usual fireworks, making Amanda wonder) and they figure everything is cool.

At Shiloh, Steve and Claudia find out a guy named Johnson has been taking things way too seriously, beating the shit out of people for real. Claudia is “shot” by a Union trooper and has to leave the game, so she tells Steve to find Johnson. In the Poconos, Amanda tells Pete that the implosion of their marriage wasn’t all his fault. Her one-track mind about her career contributed to the break-up. Pete meets Michael (who doesn’t impress him much), then wishes them well and leaves. Michael is worried, since his parents have disappeared. Amanda says they’ll find his parents and that “no one gets in or out of here” until they do. Unfortunately, her enthralled attendants overhear her saying that … and they overhear Michael joking that once they’re married he’ll finally “own” her.

As Pete and Myka try to leave, they’re stopped by two of the Marines, who grab them. The others show up and Pete and Myka take off, pursued by entranced Marines (with drawn sabres) and bridesmaids. They retreat to Amanda’s room and block the door to keep the crazed attendants out. One of the Marines stands guard outside the door, so Pete, Myka, and Amanda are trapped inside and Amanda demands to know what the hell’s going on. Myka gets the lowdown on Hatshepsut from Artie (and there’s a joke with her getting confused between his sneezes and him saying “Hatshepsut” … I can’t help wondering if the only reason Artie has a cold is so they could make that joke); Hatshepsut used to feed the bees special nectar and inject herself with the venom, causing the stinger to actually detach and enter her body. Myka realizes the bee she bagged is missing its stinger.

In Shiloh, Steve finds Johnson, who almost stabs him with his bayonet. Claudia swoops in, dressed like a Southern belle, to save Steve’s ass and shoots Johnson with a derringer-type Tesla. Steve is speechless and finally admits that Claudia reminded him of his big sister, who used to save his ass a lot. Claudia asks about her, but Steve says she died a while back. They bag the flask, which causes a passing soldier to accuse them of being party-crashing Trekkies pretending to be from the future. In the Poconos, Pete finally notices Amanda’s red, swollen finger and realizes the stinger is inside her body somewhere. Artie says it causes her to give off pheremones that make people slavishly devoted to her, which explains why her bridal party went cuckoo bananas.

Pete figures they can take her to a hospital for x-rays to find the stinger, so they knock out the guard in front of the door and take off. They see the bridesmaids knocking everything off the head table and getting knife ready for some kind of ritual. Down the hall, the Marines deck Michael, drag him into the reception room (Michael apparently has a glass jaw), and tie him to the head table—all the while ignoring Amanda’s orders to the contrary. Artie calls and says the same thing happened to Hatshepsut … her followers stopped listening to her and took it on themselves to protect her from everyone—including her future husband, who they mummified alive.

Before the same thing can happen to Michael, Pete, Myka, and Amanda jump in and start beating the shit out of bridesmaids and Marines alike, using wedding gifts as weapons. (Amanda makes good use of the ubiquitous toaster oven to deck a crazed bridesmaid.) Artie tells Myka the bee acts like a magnet, so if she holds it by Amanda’s neck, it’ll draw the stinger out of her body. Pete frees Michael and they fight the Marines while Amanda pounds her bridesmaids. Myka uses the bee to pull the stinger out of Amanda, then re-bags the bee, which frees everyone from their craziness. Of course, the place looks like a hurricane hit it, and the wedding party is beat to shit, but at least nobody’s getting mummified.

Pete and Myka stick around for the wedding, which goes off just fine in spite of the bruised attendants. Michael’s parents are a little the worse for wear too. Pete wishes the happy couple well and he and Myka leave. Back at the Warehouse, Pete says the reason he didn’t talk about his marriage is because he didn’t want Myka and the others to know what a fuck-up he was back then. Claudia looks up info on Steve’s sister and finds out she was killed by a stray bullet in a drive-by. Steve catches her, but says it’s okay. He starts talking to Claudia about his sister, reminiscing about the good times; Artie watches from the other room, happy to see his team bonding.