Was so excited Malka finally learned the eat sign, then learned that's actually just the tic tac sign, as my husband has been letting her have orange tictacs. She also just sucks off the orange coating and leaves tiny white tictac skeletons around the apartment. So this explains why she signs for food now when she wakes up, but then says no to all food offered.

I was feeling pretty accomplished because I actually fed poopiebaby dinner at 6pm, snuggled and watched A Charlie Brown Christmas with him, got him changed and dressed in his PJs, brushed his teeth, and read a book (twice!) and got him to bed at 8:30 tonight! Then I realized that if I'm congratulating myself for doing basic daily parenting duties in a reasonable timeframe one time, I'm probably doing a pretty shitty job overall. Feeling like a crappy mummy tonight.

Oh poopie, you gotta celebrate the little things! Or you'll go mad :) I am celebrating that my kid wanted to take a bath with me today. She never likes baths and I literally did not bathe her once or wash her hair for her first year. I could tell myself I am a shitty mom, but that would make me feel like balls and that wouldn't make me a better parent, so I say that I followed my child's needs and desires, carefully monitored her skin condition and general health, and then made a considered decision to parent outside the box. So much more empowering that way :)

Ariann wrote:

Was so excited Malka finally learned the eat sign, then learned that's actually just the tic tac sign, as my husband has been letting her have orange tictacs. She also just sucks off the orange coating and leaves tiny white tictac skeletons around the apartment. So this explains why she signs for food now when she wakes up, but then says no to all food offered.

I am trying not to laugh out loud at this.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

Oh poopie, you gotta celebrate the little things! Or you'll go mad :) I am celebrating that my kid wanted to take a bath with me today. She never likes baths and I literally did not bathe her once or wash her hair for her first year. I could tell myself I am a shitty mom, but that would make me feel like balls and that wouldn't make me a better parent, so I say that I followed my child's needs and desires, carefully monitored her skin condition and general health, and then made a considered decision to parent outside the box. So much more empowering that way :)

Ariann wrote:

Was so excited Malka finally learned the eat sign, then learned that's actually just the tic tac sign, as my husband has been letting her have orange tictacs. She also just sucks off the orange coating and leaves tiny white tictac skeletons around the apartment. So this explains why she signs for food now when she wakes up, but then says no to all food offered.

Thanks Tofulish <3 I think I'm just also feeling guilty because I've been working a lot lately, and haven't spent as much time with Peter as I would like and feel like he needs. It's only going to be worse this week up until Christmas, and I'm not even sure I'm going to get to bake special stuff for my own family because I'm literally spending all of my days (and some nights) baking special stuff for other people.

BUT I am now sitting here drinking some hot cocoa with dandies out of a pink sparkly Christmas tree mug, and not letting myself start on all the things I "should" be doing until I feel better and stop throwing myself a pity party.

And remember, Special Stuff for your family will still be possible to bake after Christmas. How about some oliebollen for New Year's?

You know what? You are so right! I don't know why this just hit me as such a revelation, but there is nothing actually magical about the date of December 25th, and I can make the whole week magical when I have time. Thank you so much, this actually makes me feel like a huge weight is lifted off me.

And remember, Special Stuff for your family will still be possible to bake after Christmas. How about some oliebollen for New Year's?

You know what? You are so right! I don't know why this just hit me as such a revelation, but there is nothing actually magical about the date of December 25th, and I can make the whole week magical when I have time. Thank you so much, this actually makes me feel like a huge weight is lifted off me.

oh man, vegan oliebollen sound amazing, if either of you have made/do make them would you have a recipe to share? Feeling very nostalgic for holiday days at my Oma's house right now!

Also, I don't even have my baby yet but I feel like +1-ing annak's advice - I always get so caught up on making special things for everyone at Christmas, when it can be just as nice to have random January/'insert non-occasion here' treats.

I know there's others out there with similar or worse sleeping/weight gain situations. And it's not that that bothers me so much (although the sleep bit does leave me a bit less tolerant!), it's the brag disguised as complaint thing. I feel like on the ppk people are more willing to say, "hey, this good thing happened and I'm really happy about it" and that seems much nicer and more honest to me.

I made vegan oliebollen once by just veganizing an omni recipe, but since I never had pregan oliebollen I couldn't tell if they were right or not! There's a place in Mountain View that I kind of want to ask if they can make vegan ones. And then drive up there. (in defense of my completely crazy sounding self, we were thinking of hitting the bay area soon anyway)

We had the weirdest interlude with the Emperor earlier. We watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with him-- the one with the Island of Misfit Toys etc. After it was over, I asked him if he liked it and he said yeah and then his voice cracked and he just started sobbing. After some time he was able to articulate that he was crying because it was so sad that Rudolph's friends didn't want to play with him, and it reminded of him of how sometimes his friends don't want to play with him.

Every time my husband puts Malka to sleep now, whether for a nap or for the night, he falls asleep with her.

Maybe he is pregnant!

He's been joking for the entire time we've been together that he's pregnant. He even can make his stomach "kick" rather convincingly. The worst part of this joke is that when he loses weight he says "I'm killing my baby."

Oh no! Poor Emperor! Its so sad when you see your awesome little kid being hurt by other kids and you can't do anything about it. Even if its not a big thing in the grand scheme of things, its big to them and hurtful. And they feel everything so deeply.

I like that at Leela's stage they all play sort of independently, and the only thing you sort of have to monitor is the sharing.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

We had the weirdest interlude with the Emperor earlier. We watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with him-- the one with the Island of Misfit Toys etc. After it was over, I asked him if he liked it and he said yeah and then his voice cracked and he just started sobbing. After some time he was able to articulate that he was crying because it was so sad that Rudolph's friends didn't want to play with him, and it reminded of him of how sometimes his friends don't want to play with him.

I can't find the period thread, but I got my period today! Grey is 17.5 months and I finally got it! I am guessing night weaning plus some diet changes helped. I am so grumpy today and short. I feel a bit bad, but I then realized I haven't had any time to myself (besides when grey has been asleep) in a week. I have been spoiled recently with a lot of greybear/papa time, so I shouldn't complain, but I need alone time. Right now I am sitting, with cats.

I think I'm finally able to talk about Malka's birth without crying pretty consistently. My husband said yesterday that he thinks I'm almost better now and that he was really scared in the beginning because I was so upset, so not myself, so non-resilient, so self-isolating and especially refusing to talk to people who probably would've made me feel better. It made him feel better that I was probably dealing with PTSD rather than PPD, because to him that means it's not about hormones I can't control, but about a really traumatic experience and the way people dealt with that experience around me, that we could control by putting the right people in the room. I told him that's probably true, but that I probably wouldn't have been so traumatized by those traumatic events without the hormonal component added on. I don't know. I can't predict what will happen next time and that's a little scary.

I finally have a gyn appointment tomorrow (seeing your midwife, Tofulish), which I have been putting off for months out of fear/distress. A little anxious about it.

Update: Loved the new midwife. My blood pressure was super high for me, as expected. I got convinced to join the high risk breast cancer screening program at the local hospital and she was a little distressed I wasn't already enrolled in it. Blah to that!

Ariann, I am so happy you liked her! She is great and was a perfect blend of supportive and calm during my pregnancy. I also thought she was brilliant during the birth and know that Jenna had a good experience with her too.

I am so sorry you had such a rough first birth and I know it is hard to come to terms with the memories, so good for you that things are starting to lift. And as for the hormones, they don't make anything easier, do they?

Let's have a caffeinated holiday beverage together this week if you have time!

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

Update: Loved the new midwife. My blood pressure was super high for me, as expected. I got convinced to join the high risk breast cancer screening program at the local hospital and she was a little distressed I wasn't already enrolled in it. Blah to that!

yay! Tina is AWESOME!

Do you have a family history of breast cancer? Have you gotten tested for the gene? My Mom had breast cancer and has the breast cancer gene. Her Mom died the second go around with breast cancer so Tina had me get the bloodwork done, in office. Luckily it turned out I don't have the gene which I was positive I would have.

My mom had cancer at 38 (and was pregnant at the time). We've all been tested for the gene and don't have it. I had my first and only mammogram three years ago (at 29) and haven't talked myself into the second one yet.