The borders of space and time

It was Sunday. After a couple of rain showers, the clouds slowly started to part and the the sun was slowly peeking through. It wasn’t really warm, but for someone dressed for the occasion, it was the perfect weather to spend time outside. I set myself against a big, old tree on the roadside and closed my eyes. The sun pulled people out of their houses. Busily talking they passed by either on foot or by bike. Most of them didn’t even notice me sitting, some looked surprised and others ever greeted me. As I sat there, I felt at peace. For a moment everything slipped from my mind as I sat in this spot I would never ever sit in any other situation. This is one of the moments in which I realize I am free. Not only in what I do, but also in what I think. For a moment the world just stopped existing, there was complete inner peace. I just was. My pole was next to me and my backpack under my legs to keep my feet up. I was a pilgrim, deeply at peace.

When I opened my eyes and ended my meditation I was sitting in an old classroom in Arnhem. I was Friday and already a week ago since I left on the Walk of Wisdom. The processing of the hikes takes time, so I know by now. The experience of space and time is so intense, even days after the actual hike the images still appear very vividly in my mind. The moment I close my eyes I am on a random place along the route. With a hike of just four days its easily to overcome, but with a hike of several months it’s a whole different story. Especially if it was emotionally as tough as this one. The processing takes more time and the flashbacks are much more intense. And most of the time, these flashback are not really what they were like in real.

My knees hurt, like my feet. I had some more miles to make before the shop would close and I would end up without any food. But the day was coming to an end. It just was enough. The short night, sour legs, heavy pack and constant pressure of time, it was too much. I couldn’t take it anymore. Just before I reached town, I collapsed against a big, old tree along the roadside. The supermarket had to wait, if I walked now, I would not walk anymore tomorrow. The bus stop was around the corner. Would I dare? I was cursing in myself, I was angry and really annoyed by my constant desire to prove myself. Why would I not just take the bus, back home, back to what is dear to me?

When I relive these experiences, these thoughts all disappear to the background. I see myself the way others probably see me, or maybe I see it as I would have wanted it to be. But at the same time, the experiences are so vivid, they cannot be just a wish or dream. In these flashbacks, I can let go of the mental state I had at the time. Maybe that enables me to see these moments as they really were. Whatever these experiences are, the wonderfully show how the boundaries of space and time are subject to our own interpretation.

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