I am a 26 year old manager of a small business owned by my mother. I have been employed there for nearly 2 years, none of which has been easy. I am the type of person who goes above and beyond what is required and strive to do everything the best it can possibly be done. I handle all aspects of inventory control, my mother knows very little of what is involved. Here recently, things have really got out of hand. I am really bothered by the fact that no appreciation is given for anything I do. I do my job, and do it well with no appreciation from her. I have been trying to get her to give me some fringe benefits that she insists she just cannot do. I am looking at leaving this job in several months. My mother has since confronted a fellow employee about taking my job when I leave. She has promised her a higher wage as well as a few of the fringe benefits I have been trying to achieve. She also tells her that she will not be required to do all the things that I do, that those are not all my job. If those are not all my job, and I do them, why then will my successor not be required to do them and still earn a higher wage?

My mother and I and this other person work together nearly every day. My mother doesn't even speak to me any more. At most, we say "hi", "bye", I'm going to lunch". I can't take this any more! I feel I can do nothing right. I am criticized for the slightest mistake, but ignored when it comes to all the things I do that she says are "not my job". I will be leaving if I am granted a contract for a similar business in another town. I will not know until Mid-May if my request is approved. I have planned to work in my mother's business until mid June when my business will open (if approved). I come home every day angry and aggravated and feel I am taking this frustration out on my husband. Please help me! I don't know how much more of this I can take. This is all damaging my self-esteem.

It doesn't sound like you need my advice - you already know you can't work at your present job without destroying your self-confidence and your relationship with your mother - so leave already!

Working closely with someone is a strain on any relationship - especially family. Since you've only been at your mother's company a couple years, it seems reasonable that you would have little trouble adjusting in a new position elsewhere and regaining an amiable relationship with your mother (assuming you'd had one in the past) in the process.

"X"

Having worked for years with family members, I know just how difficult it can be! It's true that no one appreciates how hard you work, everyone expects you to do ten times more than a regular employee at one-tenth the pay and often times, all that "togetherness" strains relationships to the breaking point. Sometimes the best and/or only thing that can be done is for one of the family members to leave...as you are planning to do.

With that step already anticipated, you need to focus on the interim. First of all...right now...stop this silly cold war! Try to focus on your relationship as mother/daughter, not boss/employee. Force yourself, if need be, to rekindle a loving connection so the business connection is less primary. Don't let your family be another destroyed by the almighty dollar! Keep the communication lines open.

Secondly, can you afford to quit your job now? If you can, do it! Then use the time between now and mid-May to regroup. Learn a new skill, brush up on some new business techniques, take a mini-management course. That way, you will be furthering yourself in a practical manner which will also increase your self-esteem while lessening your stress.

If you can't leave your job now, at least, vow to do something nice for yourself each day. Buy a bouquet of flowers for your desk, take a brisk walk instead of a coffee break, read an inspiring book at lunch or stop at a gym and work out those negative feelings BEFORE you go home to your husband. Think of these day-brighteners as "job perks" and no doubt your mood (and even, your mother) will "lighten-up."