Pugnacious NFL Picks: Texans searching in less than well deserved week off.

Shaking and stirring while always recommending The Hay Merchant for quality pregame and postgame refreshment.

The Hay Merchant, 1100 Westheimer Road.

Here serving up the Pugnacious Picks. BMOC on Friday. NFL on Saturday. Entertainment purposes only. Money back not guaranteed.

As in years past, the rules each week: fearlessly (or not) forecasting the Texans and the Cowboys always plus four other games from the weekly professional slate which supposedly allegedly offer particularly promising prospects.

Plus one weekly straight-up Suicide Pool selection.

And an assorted six-pack (give or take) of BCS selections which strike a particular fancy. No need to remind – for entertainment purposes. Only. Thems the rules.

Here now the picks … with some assistance from the Von Bondies.

TEXANS – OFF WEEK

C’mon. The only results worse than The Sportsdom picking the Texans ATS, the Texans ATS.

C’mon. At last at least a Texans week guaranteed not to register in The Sportsdom loss column. Something to share with the Kubiak Crew.

C’mon C’mon. To-do items for the coach during the down time trying to solve the downer of his first-ever five-game skid. Other than settling his starting quarterback for the keep the season alive must-win in the Sunday night lights with Indy …

Without some adjustments in the offensive front, such as permanently removing Newton (apparently not possible) – whichever quarterback won’t largely matter.

With Cushing again down for the duration does the defense repeat the slip and slide from last year’s second half.

Without Cushing AND Manning does the defense continue to show well in various statistical rankings yet still vulnerable for the bulldozing long touchdown drives. Nine of at least 80 yards. The Chiefs chewed up 79 and 97.

What about Reed? Hint – can’t run anymore. Isn’t impacting. Horrific close in KC on McCluster bubble screen for 43 yards. On third-and-22. Great guy. Hall of Famer. An all-time fave here in The Sportsdom. Long past his prime.

Where’s the pressure? Racked two sacks in KC. After none the previous two games. And one in the previous three. Now no Cushing.

Why not Andre? Zero touchdown grabs in seven games. Zero touchdown catches while on pace for 100 receptions (give or take). Is that possible? In a word, yes. Yes it is. Zero touchdown snatches since Week 15 2012. Two touchdown snags in his last 20 games. Why oh why?

Why not so special? Coverage and return game continues to prove comically bad. That obviously requires more than a few extra off days to remedy.

COWBOYS (+3) at LIONS

Rarely can Cowboys stand prosperity. Off a road win and two straight even with Romo in a two-week funk. Jason Hatcher now up to six sacks from defensive tackle spot. Sean Lee and Brandon Carr are killing it. And give Kiffen at least some credit for converting the 4-3 scheme quickly and decent dividends since the Denver debacle even without Ware until further notice. As always with the Prozac Patrol – decide and pick the other way. It worked last week. And Dallas as a dog tends to work well. And just hope the ever-excitable one doesn’t decide to flush a 27-3 second-half bulge featuring a pair pick-6s. Like last season with the Lions.

THE REST

CHIEFS (-7.5) vs. BROWNS

KC’s record can’t be better but the offense needs to be. Except it won’t matter at home against Cleveland. Even though Cleveland has proven competitive week-to-week. But starting whom again at quarterback? A third different starter in eight games? Yes. Yes they are. Charlie Frye? Tim Couch? Kelly Holcomb? Mike Pagel? Gary Danielson?

SAINTS (-11) vs. BILLS

Big number, modern or otherwise. Especially if Jimmy Graham is less than all-world. But NOLA tends to be strong covering at home with Peyton. And Buffalo starting whom again, at quarterback? J.P. Losman? Alex Van Pelt? Joe Ferguson? Dennis Shaw? Jack Kemp? And regardless, it’s always The Sazerac Bar, French 75 Bar, Bar Tonique, Baccanal, The Bulldog Uptown, Cure, The Swizzle Stick.

SEAHAWKS (-11) at RAMS

Seahawks riding strong current ATS. Zero home field with the Cardinals revving up a World Series simultaneously at near-by Busch. And the Rams starting whom again at quarterback? Jim Everett? Dieter Brock? Pat Haden? Jeff Kemp? Norm Van Brocklin?

PACKERS (-9) at VIKINGS

Minnesota starting whom again at quarterback? Tarvaris Jackson? Jeff George? Wade Wilson? Sean Salisbury? Tommy Kramer? Regardless, too many points to give given Rodgers never great at the Metrodome and his primo targets dropping daily. But just can’t bank on the Vikes either.

FALCONS (+2.5) at CARDINALS

Speaking of Seattle … nobody covers the next week after getting beat up by Seahawks. At least that’s the popular trend. And the A-T-L just a better team even without Julio. And Roddy. And Jackson. And then on to Shady’s.

49ers (-16.5) vs. JAGUARS in London

And dead as a decade-old corpse. Your 2013 Jax Jags. Regardless of which continent the game is played. Regardless of the opponents motivation and mega-travel. Oh, and the obvious crazy talent mismatch. Niners four straight wins with four straight ATS. Crack and rack by 21 and then it’s on to Motcomb’s and the The Guinea Grill. The Grenadier and The Star Tavern.

SUICIDE POOL: SAINTS over BILLS

IN CASE YOU’RE WONDERING

Fast finding out the 18-team parlay that paid $54,268 three weeks ago on a $282 wager even more impressive than might first think. The first failed stab to match – 16-2. Next not even close (thanks in large part to the S-E-C) – 14-4.