This blog is not affiliated in any way with Cindy Crawford. Even if she is its de facto inspiration. It's also not affiliated in any way with Hayden Panettiere, who's earned joint top billing on this blog because she makes me happy. And that ain't easy.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

In the summer of 1995, I was desperately looking forward to Fair Game; then it was delayed in the US until the autumn, and got pushed back here as well... well, when it finally came out, it didn't go down well in cinemas. But when it arrived on Sky Movies, it was never eventually consigned to wee hours showings, which suggests it didn't get particularly bad figures. That's just my theory, anyway.Cindy went on in her occasional forays into acting to make better projects (like The Simian Line), and also worse ones. Which brings us to Bodyguards - Guardie del Corpo, a movie that she never seems to talk about, with good reason. Not related to the Kevin Costner-Whitney Houston stinker, this Italian comedy from 2000 about three bumbling ex-cops who become bodyguards to the famous (the female famous) was never released to cinemas outside the domestic market and has yet to emerge on video/DVD with subtitles or English dubbing, which is another way of saying that when I bought a copy of the movie while visiting Zeta in Luxembourg it was in the original Italian. Not that that made any difference. If you click on the heading you can read my review for the IMDb (one of only three for said movie), but suffice to say that it's very crude, very shouty, and very, very unfunny. And that Victoria Silvstedt is in it. And that Modjo could probably retire from the royalties Filmauro paid for playing "Lady" so many times in the movie. And that even though Cindy is billed third, she doesn't appear until the last 25 minutes (like Victoria, Anna Falchi and Australian model Megan Gale, Cindy plays herself as one of the guards' clients); like Will Ferrell in the Meet the Parents-without-the-charm that is Wedding Crashers, her arrival does make the movie a bit better - even if she is (really badly) dubbed in Italian. But trust me, you can see why she doesn't mention it... embarrassing for all concerned.The amazing thing is, it's still better than The Bodyguard - I'd rather have Cindy playing twins and modelling sexy blue swimwear than Whitney Houston doing anything.

The James Horner Spot.

The Tell Them Who I Am Spot.

...is a 43-year-old guy who likes listening to film and TV music, whose days of eating entire packets of biscuits are gone thanks to the ol' diabetes, whose hair - thanks to genetics - now has a bald spot on top but who is fortunately 6'2" so it's hard to see, who enjoys the box (particularly American shows - and the often-made British claim that "we only see the best of US TV" is a fallacy as anyone who has cable will testify. I think it's Americans who only see the best of Br... I hate that term, so I refuse to sully this blog with it), who's gotten most of his friends through stories and the net, who loves writing about attractive female celebrities, who slaves at a direct mail company, and who isn't as sorry he grew up in Barbados between 1976 and 1993 as he used to be. Oh, and he doesn't seem any emotionally different from when he was 12. A man really is a child grown up, child is father of the man, and so on...