When Toxic People Put You Down

Countless times, I’ve noticed that people that tend to be the most self-aware are also the hardest on themselves. It’s great to be self-aware, and to the point where you can recognize particular areas that you need to improve on, so that you’ll be the best version of yourself. However, one of the biggest problems that many people go through, and even more so, people that are self-aware, is that they surround themselves with the wrong types of people. Now when I say “the wrong types of people,” I’m putting it nicely, because what I’m really saying is toxic people.

I know what you’re thinking… why did I just say that people that tend to be self-aware surround themselves with toxic people more than others do? Well, let me explain…

When someone is self aware, they care about the feelings of others, and they more so than not, believe that there could be some truth to what someone says, even if it was coming out of bad intent. When someone is self aware, they tend to look into themselves more so than others, and try to find some logic or truth to what someone says, and then, they try to fix it if they can. Therefore, the reason that the self aware type tends to hold on to bad, toxic, or negative people and relationships a little bit longer is because they’re less judgemental of others, at least until they’ve searched within themselves first.

Toxic people have a way of bringing out the worst in you, even if you’re more of the self aware type. One of the biggest mistakes that many of us make in life is to surround ourselves with toxic people, and those that are negative, pessimistic, and thrive off of seeing others in misery, failing, or struggling in different ways. I hate to say it, but it’s true, that many people in this world aren’t very enlightened or even kind for that matter. It’s important to recognize the signs of a negative and toxic person when you first see them, instead of sweeping they’re toxic actions under the rug, giving them the benefit of the doubt, and especially, when they don’t deserve it.

Another truly horrifying thing that most of us have to deal with in life, but the more self-aware types seem to get affected by the most, is when toxic people project their misery and negativity onto others, even when it’s on an unconscious level. Many times, toxic people don’t even realize the extent of the damage that they’re causing to others. However, many times they’re well aware of what they’re doing all along, which makes it even worse. But in this type of scenario, whether a toxic person is projecting their negativity on an unconscious level or whether they’re very conscious of what they’re doing, it’s irrelevant, because they’re causing other people pain and stress regardless. But when someone is self-aware, it affects them more so, because they start to search within themselves, trying to figure out whether what that toxic person told them or projected onto them was true or not.

Many times, a toxic person will bully someone or put them down in different ways, telling them for example, that they have depression, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or a million other things even when it comes to someone’s physical appearance, and they do so with whatever motive that they have, which many times, is merely to make the other person feel bad about themselves. But what happens when someone is more self-aware, is that they tend to do some deep soul-searching and figure out whether what that person said to them and how they made them feel was accurate and well deserved or not.

All I can say to that is, first off, the examples that I just gave are the most common accusations that people say after breakups and even moreso, after divorce, so just ignore them and their words, and even if they spread their bullshit around town and within your community. Remember, “cream rises to the top.” Secondly, recognize a toxic person when you see one, avoid them at all costs, whether in person, on the telephone, or even as far as reading their messages via text message or via email. When someone is toxic, don’t believe what they say, even if you think that there’s a possibility of there being some truth to it, because someone that’s negative and will bully or put you down and tell you things in a nasty way, even if there’s a slight chance of there being any remote truth to what they said, it’s not worth believing, reading into, and especially not from them.

It’s one thing for me to tell you what to do, because at the end of the day, you can either take my advice not to listen to toxic people or you can keep listening until you feel satisfied in some way. But, if you keep on listening to the opinions of someone that’s toxic or that has bad intentions, you’re likely going to end up struggling with actual depression and possibly a very low self-esteem. This is a deep struggle that many people have to deal with, when they’re self-aware, and unfortunately so. People that are self-aware tend to be more conscious of how they make others feel, as well as the fact that they tend to be more sensitive to others, so they watch their words, and they’re more conscientious and careful with their actions. Being self-aware is a beautiful thing, but it’s imperative not to let others take advantage of this beautiful quality by bullying you, and saying hurtful things to you to the point that you believe there to be any bit of truth to what they say.

If you think that there was truth or logic to something that someone said, then ask someone else for a second opinion. Ask someone that you love and trust, or even a therapist, so that you know that they’ll have your best interest at heart. But don’t waste your time listening to a bully or any type of toxic person that’s going to put you down and tell you that you have this disorder or that disorder or that you look better this way or that way. Love yourself enough to respect yourself, because if you don’t respect and love yourself, no one else will. Just remember, the last thing that you or anyone else needs, and especially when someone is more self-aware, is to listen to the opinions of others, and especially of those that are cruel and toxic.

Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

Welcome to Anne Cohen Writes!

Anne Cohen is the founder, owner, editor, and writer at ACW (Anne Cohen Writes). She was born in Chicago, IL, and is now based in Los Angeles, CA. She's a lifestyle & relationship blogger at ACW, and a regular contributor to The Huffington Post and Elite Daily. Anne also does SEO, SMM, and is the Marketing Director for various companies. Welcome to her blog!

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