A week after UsWeekly put a magnifying glass up to Pink’s womb and diagnosed her with the BABIES!!!!, she has confirmed to Ellen that her days are now filled with pregnancy farts and freaking out about whether she’s going to caca on the labor table. Alecia Moore and Carey Hart are contributing to the overflowing human race and having a baby. A baby who will probably grow up not knowing the hell a plastic bag is. Now that plastic bags are banned in L.A., what is my mother going to put over her head when she gives herself a hot oil treatment. L.A. needs to think of the thirsty follicles out there! But I digress…

Pink tells Ellen why she wasn’t shouting the news from the top of her Twitter, “I was just really nervous. I have had a miscarriage before, but if I was going to talk about it with anyone, it was going to be with you. I worked for it…It was not an ‘Oops.’” Pink says they aren’t too sure if their baby friend has a peen or poon, but she’s leaning towards the latter, “But the doctor kind of told me what she thinks. I’m terrified because she thinks it’s a girl! My mom has always wished me a daughter just like me,. I’m terrified one of us will go to jail.”

Usually a platinum pompadour only works on a bitch whose first name is “Wayne” and whose last name is “Cochran” but Pink is pulling that shit off in a “divorcee who works part-time as a perfume spray girl” kind of way.

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