If: a play in four acts eBook

BERT

BILL

Yes. Drops ’er bag. Writes to the
company. They writes back she shouldn’t
’av got in. She writes back she should.
Then they gets on to me. Any more of it and
I’ll...

BERT

I wouldn’t, Bill; don’t you.

BILL

I will.

BERT

Don’t you, Bill. You’ve got your
family to consider.

BILL

Well, anyway, I won’t let any more of them
passengers go jumping into trains any more, not when
they’re moving, I won’t. When the
train gets in, doors shut. That’s the rule.
And they’ll ’ave to abide by it.

BERT

Well, I wouldn’t stop one, not if...

BILL

I don’t care. They ain’t going to
’ave me on the mat again and talk all that stuff
to me. No, if someone ’as to suffer . .
. ’Ere she is.

[Noise of approaching train heard.]

BERT

Ay, that’s her.

BILL

And shut goes the door.

[Enter JohnBeal.]

BERT

Wait a moment, Bill.

BILL

Not if he’s . . . Not if he was ever so.

John [preparing to pass]

Good morning. . . .

BILL

Can’t come through. Too late.

JOHN

Too late? Why, the train’s only just in.

BILL

Don’t care. It’s the rule.

JOHN

O, nonsense. [He carries on.]

BILL

It’s too late. I tell you you can’t
come.

JOHN

But that’s absurd. I want to catch my
train.

BILL

It’s too late.

BERT

Let him go, Bill.

BILL

I’m blowed if I let him go.

JOHN

I want to catch my train.

[John is stopped by Bill and pushed back
by the face. John advances towards Bill
looking like fighting. The train has gone.]