My newspaper is a joke

Without revealing too much, we had a subject from our area who is doing quite well in an international event, attaining a distinction he very well might not ever reach again in his career.
For some reason, AP didn't shoot our guy today but Getty Images did. One photo, a measly $112 for our 40K or so newspaper. Care to guess what the ME said to that decision?

Naturally, we're determined to give our readers the best local coverage they can receive.

From Staff Reports
Harry Dong, a native of Douche Falls, broke the American record in the javelin yesterday at the We Aren't Quite The Champions Freddy Mercury Memorial Track meet with a throw of 92.01 meters, eclipsing Beux Greer's previous mark of 91.29.

Dong -- shown here in this artist's rendition because it was cheaper to pay some out-of-work grad student $20 to do this as opposed to buying a photo from Getty Images -- set the record while wearing his lucky green boots with gold socks and said he looked forward to buying a drink for some provably hot chicks with his meager winnings, and if that didn't work out, possibly a prostitute.