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How can i teach my son to listen without being mean or spanking him?

My son will not listen to me he is rebaling against me and i dont know why. i know he is two but there are many children out there that are good and behave well for there parents i wanna know how they do it because i really need the advice on this one.

I have made my kids look at me while I tell them the behavior I expect or you can go sit on your bed, then ask them to decide what they want to do...go sit on your bed or "____" fill in the blank of what behavior you expect...And be firm and follow through. If they aren't going to listen then they go straight to their bed...if they get up put them back on it without "getting into it", the less reaction from you the better, just be firm and let them know you will not cave into someone their age.
Another thing that helps to is when your not sure they were listening, ask them to repeat what was just said.
Holding by the shoulders is a good way to get them to stand still and look at them and tell them what you expect out of them..They will end up respecting you by the time they turn 4 or 5

Momma your not alone my DD that is 2 is the same way 3 weeks ago we put our foot down and started with time outs, the first few days was horrible and then as we just stayed on her and held her accountable for her bad behavior. Know we are 3 weeks into it and let me tell you we feel like our 2 yrs old is no longer running our house. Stand your ground momma you have to not yell be firm, when you put your child in time-out and he gets up put him back stay with it you will have releif. It will not happen over night but his behavior will get better. Anytime you want to chat about this and the terrible 2's PM me. have a great night momma.

every child is different! try not to compare! sometimes my son doesnt listen because there's too much stimuli, or he's in lala land because naptime is near...or he wants to focus on his trains instead of me lol. I go down to his level and try to get eye contact. I speak in simple terms that he needs to listen to mama. Usually works

when she does I take away her toys for a bit... and have her sit in time out.

after 5 minutes of time out I ask her if she is sorry.. if she is sorry (and when she's sorry she will apologize give a hug and say why she is sorry).. then she can get up and we find a new activity to do together.. (that's the key, making sure they know that even though they got punished and are bad, that you are still there for them.. if I don't find something else to reassure her with after she gets in trouble, she tends to act out more during the day)

Well i learned that you dont threaten them , but i make a behavior chart. i print them out every month from the computer, and then i hang them on the fridge, or his bedroom. next we go to the store, even the dollar store, and we pick out a pack of cool stickers. then at the end of each month there is a goal like going to the zoo, or getting a fish at the pet store, something simple that they would love. Then you make a rule chart together. like obey mommy and daddy, and do your chores. and if they are good that day, then give them a sticker, if they arent good that day (more than 1 tantrum) then you dont give them a sticker and you can have a minimum of how many stickers they have to have before they get their prize. it makes it fun for them, and easy for you :) hope that helped :)

Get his attention, make sure you have eye contact, keep it very short because they tune Moms out after like 2 words. When I wanted my son to put his shoes on I would say his name, look him in the eye and say "Shoes, now" or whatever it is you are trying to get him to do. The other thing I used to have to say was "Do it the first time I tell you" and I didn't threaten, I don't know why that worked.

At 2, they are learning the rules and how much they can get away with. It's a lot of work for you but keep on top of him, firmly but nicely tell him exactly what you expect. Try not to focus on the wrong thing that he is doing, tell him the thing you want him to do. Say "We don't throw toys, we put them down nicely" "We don't yell at Mama, we talk in a nice voice" Remember you are the adult, he is 2, he will grow out of it, but it will take a while. Have patience!

Hitting only shows that bullying littler people gets what you want. That's not a good thing to model. With my son, you have to have a LOT of patience, and we are guilty of having a kid that looks "well-behaved". Whenever we are out with friends or family he's the sweetest little flirt ever, but sometimes in public, or a lot at home he'll sit on his butt and not move and throw a tantrum. I take his face and point it to me, and when we have made eye contact I explain to him what I positively expect from him. Don't say "I don't want you running thru the store embarrassing me, and making me spank you." Say "When we are in the store I expect you to sit in the cart and help mommy make decisions on what to eat for dinner." Be positive. And then repetition is annoying but it does work. Just do it over and over and over and over and they will learn they just can't win. :( Be persistent. :)