Sydney Avey

Family

Is this the year to jettison timeworn traditions? In response to a call for a Christmas-themed inspirational article, I pitched a piece about celebrating the season when traditional customs begin to fray under the stress of life changes. No takers, no surprise. They wanted cozy tales of Christmases past and lists of tried and true rituals for readers to adopt.

In times of grief, no words adequately describe the event that has caused our pain and how we are changed by what has occurred. “I have no words,” we say to each other. Then we struggle to find the right words that will help us make sense of the insensible.

Charting a family tree provides a record for future generations, but sketching the leafy branches in story form is far more revealing. At first glance, your tree may appear to be a uniform sample of its species, but move your gaze though its branches and you will likely find broken limbs and odd grafts.

When you find yourself the point person for relocating your aging mother, the bottom line is that you now manage her life. It becomes your responsibility to ensure that her bills get paid, she gets to her medical appointments, and she has appropriate clothing. (Older people can’t deal with clothes that challenge their agility.)

When you move in to give assistance to an aging parent, the dividing lines between parent and child, yours and mine, begin to blur. At the same time, the divide between cultures and generations sharpens.