Don't be embarrassed, it happens to everyone: One day you wake up to find you've been apped. Remember: it's not your fault. You're still the same person, capable of independent thought and even mild-to-modest calculations. This, despite the fact that calculations are no longer necessary. See? The app does it for you.

And you can still make decisions that affect the way you move through the world. Should you offer to buy potentially significant boy or girl X a drink? Speaking of, how many drinks should you have at next week's office holiday party? Or whose family should you visit over the holidays?

You can still decide. But then there's the app. And you start to think Why should I decide when I can let the app do it for me? All I have to do is set the sliders and the decision is made—mathematically, with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY (wink, wink)—and I can slip carp-like into the panacea of truth born of algebra, Apple and AT&T. Thank you megaconglomerates for reaching into my very soul and stroking it until it stops whimpering!

Now you're starting to trust the app. After all, it's your friend. It's just looking out for your best interests. It wants you to do what's right. And if you act a little differently, get a little more socially keen, start to find a certain swagger this holiday season—well, those are all good things, right?

Then BAM! You realize the app's got you. You find yourself breaking out the iPhone or iPod Touch at the singles bar, at the office party, at home with your sig other and kids. Discreetly at first, and then more overtly.

What does all this mean? If you didn't already catch the way the wind's blowing (And I hope you eventually find it in your heart to forgive me for being so massively, blatantly self promotional...it's the holiday season after all, and at least nothing dealing with candy canes or thumpety-thumping is playing in the background, right?)—anyway, what it means is that there's a new Geek Logik app for iPhone and iPod Touch. And it has the two characteristics of every app on my phone: FREE and EASY. At least the Lite version, which is the good one anyway, because it has hugely embarrassing links to me explaining equations on YouTube, shot in, like, 15 seconds in somebody's basement. Here's a screenshot:

I tried to get the company that apped me to at least include a mantle of gold chains in the cheesy headshot, but alas full promotion to the status of Mr. T is still out of reach. At least for now. So click the links. They'll take you there. Then download, sit back, and listen to your brain cells settling into the couch with chips and a beer.