Carrot For A Cock

Carrot For A Cock

Artist

Release date

Music video

Length

3 minutes 40 seconds

Spotify

Carrot For A Cock is a song, sung by Simon, with backing vocals by Sparkles*. It was released on the 13th of December, 2014. It was released as a donation goal during the 2014 Jingle Jam. The video was animated by Ciaran Askew. The song is available on Bandcamp and iTunes. A radio edit version, Carrot for a Nose, was also made and is available on Bandcamp, here.

Contents

I remember when it all went wrong
Guzzling eggnog all night long
We went outside
The snow was thick
Rolled our balls together made a snowman quick

Erecting a friend but there’s something left
Had to indulge in some carrot theft
To make him whole
We raided the salad bowl
To give him a classic nose

I slipped and fell when I put it on
Stuck the veg where it didn’t belong
I went for his face, but hit below the waist
And now he’s got a root vegetable dong

He’s got a carrot for a cock (Carrot for a cock)
And it gives you quite a shock (Oh, it’s unexpected)
When you see it in the flesh, so orange and so fresh
Looks like its just been pulled from the ground

He’s got a carrot for a cock (Carrot for a cock)
It’s the biggest on the block (oh what a massive one)
The neighbours were upset, my dad saw it as a threat
it stood so mighty and so proud

Some kind of magic happened then (Uh Oh)
He came alive and he was real my friend
An excited expression
twinkled in his eyes
We looked on in surprise as it started to rise

Scarf around his neck, his arms are made of bark
Get down on your knees he’ll help you see in the dark
He has a filthy addiction
Veg on veg friction
Behind the bushes down in the park

He’s got so many dirty habits and he’s terrified of rabbits
He’ll make you moan he’s organically grown

He’s got a carrot for a cock (Carrot for a Cock)
You know it’s hard as rock (Oh what a crunchy cock)
He’s got coal on his head, no meat but one veg
He’s packing so much more than just snow (Ho ho ho!)

He’s got a carrot for a cock (Carrot for a cock)
But his life’s against the clock (Oh such a crying shame)
‘Cause as the sun rose, they’d gritted the road
All was left was his bright amber chode

You’ll remember this December, when you dream of his member
Now all that’s left is his salty sludge
Next time it snows, you will all know
He’s coming on you from above
He’s just snowing you all of his love

He's got a carrot for a cock (Carrot for a cock)
He’s a friend you just can’t knock (Oh we want him back!)
So when it gets chilly just whip out his willy
Scoop up snow and he’s ready to go

They've all got carrots for their cocks (Carrots for cocks)
It's a movement you can’t stop (It’s a revolution)
To make a best friend, just follow this trend
Give him a vegetable bell end