But I've got to be honest, you have me about as hot as fish grease right now I just can't figure out what's going on in your head You go out and give these rousing, voice-quivering speeches that renew my confidence in the fact that you're finally going to go back and confront the GOP, then you get back to the Oval Office and seem to curl up in the fetal position, letting the Republican Party not only roll all over you, but us What's up with that?

I think your heart is in the right place, but I've come to the conclusion that you're suffering from a coping mechanism that you've developed over the years I think that as a result of living all over the world, and having to deal with being an outsider all your life, you've developed a go-along-to-get-along style of dealing with adversity That's obviously worked for you in the past, after all, you're President of the United States, but that's not what the people want in a president, so it's time to reassess your strategy

While the American people liked Mr Rogers--just as they do you--they didn't want him as president The American people want John Wayne That's the only reason Reagan was elected, and still glorified, in spite of his gross incompetence The Republicans recognize that fact--that's why Bush and Cheney walked around in cowboy boots They knew that the American people expect their president to be strong and resolute, even if he's ignorant So I don't know who's guiding your strategy, but if they're telling you that the American people are going to put up with a president running around Washington asking, "Can we all get along?" They're dead wrong

So you need to step up to the plate, my man, and let some of the hood come out in you Because if I'm not seriously mistaken--and I don't think I am--that's exactly what the American people voted for They figured that in this point in our history that's exactly what we needed--an intelligent man with the backbone of a hood rat And you know what? They were right You see, that's all John Wayne was--a White hood rat

For exactly that reason I think you're going to find that your rousing oratory just may backfire on you in the coming campaign This time, if the rest of the electorate are anything like me, instead of your quivering voice evoking moist eyes of inspiration like it did duting the last campaign, it's only going to serve to provoke anger this time, because it's only going to serve to remind the people of how they were bamboozled in the last election But they're going to stand by you, because they know that their only choice is either standing by you, or having to endure a fascist America

So again, while I'm mad as a wet hen, I plan on sticking by you and pushing for your growth That's the nature of the progressive mindset We believe in independent thought, so we believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt So we don't insist on always marching in lock step We understand that no one corners the market on either knowledge, wisdom, or intelligence, so we have to rely on our combined intellectual resources to move forward That's why we're firm believers in the kind of vigorous, and sometimes angry, debate that's currently taking place among progressives today

We also understand that it is important to keep in mind the difference between efficient thinkers and ideologues: Efficient thinkers always give truth priority over ideology, while ideologues always give ideology priority over truth So I'm with you until the end, come hell or highwater, but I'm gonna use my column to give you pure hell every step of the way You see, sometimes you have to drag great men up Mt Rushmore kickin' and screamin'

And besides, you managed to get Michelle, so you must have something going for you A good friend of mine would call that a "slapliment" But I'll let you get through the week in peace We can fight later--and fight we will