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The dull bride

We are delighted to have Alwid Lootah back with us with a brand new story! Hope you enjoy her piece titled “The dull bride”

That morning was the brightest in this dark November, that morning was the warmest in this cold winter. It was the day I have been waiting for, the day I’ll be legally his. Nothing else kept my mind busy, but this very day. How it will be filled with smiles and beautiful faces.

I went down the stairs with joy and a little bit of nervousness, being my perfectionist self I wanted every small detail to be good looking. All the months of planning felt worth it when I saw how beautiful the garden looked, the detailed table covers, the white flowers in the middle of every table, the candles dangling down from the trees, it was all exactly how I imagined it.

At that moment I felt relieved, all that was left was allow myself to be the pampered bride, “No more stress” I repeated to myself. I sat down and hugged the cup of tea, looking around the house with a bittersweet feeling; how I’ll be moving out to make my own little family and how I’ll be missing every detail and every voice of this house.

As I laid back my head slowly, pictures of how perfect this day would be couldn’t leave my mind, I imagined him and how he’ll make my way to me and how nervous and shy I’d be. A phone call interrupted my thoughts; it was my doctor calling with the results of the blood test I made so long ago, I myself forgot about it.

I remember every detail of this phone call, every word, after that was utter silence. I didn’t say a word for hours until it was time for the make up artist to do her job, that’s when I couldn’t stay silent anymore, I couldn’t do this to him, he should know.

I kept walking back and forth in the hall not knowing what to tell him, not knowing how to tell my family, something I myself can’t believe. How can you tell the ones you love such a harsh thing? How? I wanted someone to speak for me, I couldn’t do it myself I just couldn’t.

I heard them calling me and telling me how I should start getting ready, I simply nodded. The moment should have been a beautiful one; that moment should have been my time to proudly shine. I tried to dial his number, but my fingers felt numb, every bit of me couldn’t function anymore, not because I felt pain but because my emotions were too hard to handle.

I washed my face countless times trying to wake up from this nightmare, but it was just my reality, it was what was meant to happen. It took me a while, but I built up a little bit of courage so I called my family, and after a while of them trying to make me speak, I finally did. How can a joyful day turn into a tragic one in a matter of seconds?

I walked away as tears fell from their questioning eyes; I needed to be strong for them and mostly for myself. I knew he needed to know and that there wasn’t so much time before the guests begin to arrive. I needed someone to guide me, to tell me what I should do, but I guess this is a one-man game.

It was time for words to crawl out of my mouth, and as hard as this is, it needed to happen. I couldn’t say this over the phone, so I asked him to come. It’s bad luck for a groom to see the bride before the wedding, but that day was just unlucky.

As he walked into the house, I knew I couldn’t be selfish and let him pay the price, the price of loosing they one he’ll call his wife. So I spoke and saw the joy in his eyes as it decreased by the second. I didn’t expect him to say anything, and quite frankly, I thought he’d be calling off the wedding because in my head, I knew that no one wants to end up with the dull bride.

What he said was nothing like I ever expected, what he said was beyond my imagination. I told him to call off the wedding, I told him that I couldn’t let him be a victim, “Get dressed, you have a wedding to catch” he said as I looked at him with tears in my eyes. “Sick or healthy, through good or bad, we have each other.”

With the make up on my face and with all the jewelry covering me, I only felt like that dull bride. I couldn’t feel beautiful knowing that soon my body will weaken, that soon I will no longer have my young features and that a good health will be something I’d lacked.

All those memories of that bittersweet day, the day I found out I have a deadly disease that is slowly taking over my body and the day I found out that love is beyond the thought of that. I folded those memories as I packed my bags, with the joy of leaving this white room, a room I spent the past year in; I can get back to my life now, not as the dull bride but as the survivor.