Was I Afraid?

My two years in Jerusalem taught me an important lesson.

I spent the last two years living and working in the Land of Israel. Now, back in the States for nearly five months, I'm often asked “How could you do that?! Weren't you afraid every day? What about the suicide bombings?”

Was I afraid? I try to explain, and I always begin with Jerusalem. If you've been there, you know. Jerusalem is a city brimming with activity, a fusion of the very new and the very old, a sleek modern metropolis built upon a foundation of ancient walls.

On the streets, Greek Orthodox priests speed by on shiny motor scooters. Arabs drive black Mercedes, curtains on the back windows hiding their wives and daughters from public view. Boyish IDF soldiers are everywhere, speaking to their mothers on cell phones while shifting enormous automatic rifles from hip to hip. Travelers wait outside the bus station to have their belongings checked for suspicious objects. Sirens wail in the distance and police cars patrol the streets. And everywhere, like clouds heavy with whispered entreaties, prayers float over the craggy hills and valleys of Jerusalem.

It's funny, now that I'm back in the States, Jerusalem looks much more frightening. I watch CNN and I can't believe what I'm seeing and hearing. But while I was there, waking up to the Mediterranean sun, walking the ancient streets, praying at the Kotel, enjoying the gardens and restaurants and theaters and people, sometimes I forgot that there was a war going on. It wasn't until I'd switch on the radio in the evenings that I'd realize just how bad things were.

But, I tell people, that's what Israel is like. You get up and take the bus to work, sit at a cafe with friends, go to the symphony and the movies and the parks. You hear about another bombing, another military action, more death. You grieve, crying over your tehillim [psalms], but life goes on because it has to.

I realized, this is what it's like the second before a bomb goes off -- utterly ordinary, completely mundane and then suddenly, chaos.

So, when people ask, was I scared, I tell them this: Once on a crowded city bus, during the busiest time of day, I looked at the mother sitting across from me with her two small children, the young couple next to me, the heder boys coming home from school, all chattering at once -- and suddenly everything seemed to stop and crystallize for a moment.

I looked around at these people, each one a world of his or her own, and I realized, this is what it's like the second before a bomb goes off -- utterly ordinary, completely mundane and then suddenly, chaos. Then, I was scared.

So what comforted me, then and now? Living in a land in which everyday life can't be taken for granted reminds a person of the enormous blessing, the great good fortune of having been granted life. It serves as a constant reminder; life itself is a miracle.

Now I drive to work every day, through the leafy suburbs of Philadelphia, safe in my own car and I remember this lesson. The trees are so beautiful, the sky is so blue, and the air smells so clean. This surfeit of beauty never fails to take my breath away. And on every leaf, every blade of grass, every smiling face, I read the same words: “Life is a gift from God. Treasure it and use it well.”

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About the Author

Lena Blynn returned to America five months ago after having spent two years in Jerusalem. While in Israel, she studied at Neve Yerushalayim College, wrote for The Jerusalem Post and worked at the Jerusalem Center for Communications and Advocacy Training. A 1999 graduate of Penn State, she writes for a medical journal in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 7

(7)
Anonymous,
December 24, 2002 12:00 AM

Article by Lena Blynn

I really enjoyed this article. I think it is very important to get the perspective of people who are actually in Israel rather than just the view of the news commentators here. I also thought the article was articulated very well and I would enjoy to see more from this writer.

(6)
Kenneth R. Handschuh,
November 27, 2002 12:00 AM

I never had the privledge of visiting Israel. I can only read reports such as yours to learn how if feels to be there.
Having only lived in middle class America and visits to Canada it is impossible for me to imagin living in the places the TV news takes me to. It is through articals such as yours and by those I meet who have to Israel that I am able to learn.

(5)
Naomi,
November 25, 2002 12:00 AM

I also spent the past 2 years studying in Israel, and the specialness of walking down the streets that belong to our people overcomes any fears. Whenever I did begin to feel afraid, I remembered what one of my friends told me before going - that I was in 'Eretz asher tamid enei Hashem Elokecha bah' - the land that Hashem is always watching over, and there is never reason to be afraid when there is such direct watching.

(4)
Olga Loaiza,
November 25, 2002 12:00 AM

Beautiful

This article is so beautiful and so true.

(3)
Anonymous,
November 25, 2002 12:00 AM

this is very beautiful, im planning im'yh to spend next year learning there, and your story gives me releif. I know that its scary sometimes, but hashem is really watching over us and has a masterplan.

(2)
Anonymous,
November 25, 2002 12:00 AM

Thank you Lena, for reminding me of that important message.

(1)
Anonymous,
November 25, 2002 12:00 AM

I really enjoyed this eloquent article and would like to see more of Ms. Blynn's work.