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October 24, 2011

Flapjack did some sort of bad thing before I got to my dad’s birthday party. Jonathan and Shauna took him home. My mother was very upset. It’s a situation where it’s just really frustrating to experience. I mean, I totally get both sides. Jonathan and Shauna have to punish their dog how they see fit. It’s their decision. I’m not going to stand in their way, and I hope what they’re doing helps them. However, my mom constantly being on the verge of tears the entire time I am at the party is not something I want either. It’s something I would like to correct. I want my mom to have a good time. There’s no good way to be in the middle of this, not taking sides, AND find a solution, though. I certainly don’t know it. So I try to be nice to everyone without trying to stop everything. But it’s unfortunate. I wish I could find a way out.

In case you were wondering why Twilight Sparkle is totally my favorite pony, it’s because of shit like this.

I am really enjoying dressing up for work.
The whole concept still seems foreign to me. I’ve never liked looking nice. It made me look too masculine. I’ve always just been an asexual blob. But dressing up nice for work gives me confidence. I feel like I look good. Dammit, I do look good. I look good enough to say I look good. It helps me face all the people I have to deal with. They call my gender right almost always when I do. It makes work fun, instead of a chore. Well, I mean, it’s still work, which can be a pain. But it’s less of an emotional drain and more of a physical one, as it should be.
It just makes me wonder what else I can do. Cara keeps making suggestions. Normally I loathe clothing suggestions. But that’s because, in the past, they’ve been suggestions to make me look like something I wasn’t. While I initially dislike just about any suggestion like that, many of the things she’s telling me do grow on me. I should keep trying things. I can look good.

Back at my parent’s place, I only really watched television to fall asleep by. I’d put on whatever mindless bullshit was on adult swim and fall asleep. I’m finding I really miss that in the new place. I figured I didn’t need TV, and I sure as heck don’t, but there is just zilch worth watching on the free basic cable I have at the times of the night I go to sleep. Infomercials and such bullshit is all I get. It makes me worry. I’ve got to figure out how to cue up shit to fall asleep to, so it has to be something I wouldn’t mind watching, but it can’t be something so interesting I would actually want to finish it. It is like… the most stupid problem to have, but here I am.

Anyway, have to get up early for work in the morning, so I am going to attempt some sleep. Maybe. You have a good day, eh?