Are Parents Fair to their Children?

Comparisons between siblings are bound to happen. Parents try their best to be fair, but sometimes one of the siblings always complains. What should parents do? Ignore? The solution lies in making the complaining child feel secure and loved. Its not fair 10-year-old Vinay says, "Mummy always shouts at me. She never says anything to my younger brother Aayush. Just because hes small he can do anything." One hears myriad complaints from children that their parents are being unfair. "My older sister gets more pocket money than me." My brother is allowed to sleep over at his friends houses because he is a boy." "Daddy always takes her side when we fight."Good intentions Most parents start out with good intentions. They want to be scrupulously fair in their dealings with their children and treat all their children the same way without discriminating between them. Parents endeavor to give their children similar presents so that nobody should be left out. Some parents make a conscious effort to try not to lose their temper with one child more than the other. They try to apply rules of discipline impartially to all their children. Yet, despite their best efforts, children continue to complain that they are getting the short end of the stick. Is there something wrong? While it is admirable that parents want to rear their children without discriminating between them, this is at best an admirable theory or a guideline to adopt while parenting. Parents who feel guilty when their children accuse them of being unjust can rest assured that it is virtually impossible to stick to your resolve of constant fairness.Unrealistic expectations Constant fairness is an unrealistic expectation of parents because they have failed to factor in the most basic element of human error and their capacity to misjudge situation and overreact which is quite normal. While you can work towards the goal of being fair, do not be dismayed if you find yourself straying off the path. Parents are human after all. When parents think that they can always be fair, they have to realize that its not like disciplining soldiers in the army. Each child is different and has his own temperament. Some children are easy to talk to and reason with. Others can be stubborn and naughty and will need a firmer hand. There is no way that one blanket approach can cover them all. Some children get shouted at more often because they dont respond to any other kind of discipline.Playing fair can backfire Parents should also keep in mind that by sticking rigidly to the always fair no matter what attitude they may be doing their children a disservice. Children are entitled their special praise and privileges depending on their needs and when they earn it. If you deny them, it will just make them feel resentful and neglected. It is difficult to be fair when settling squabbles between siblings, especially when you cannot identify what happened or who started it or who finished it. Every child will present his own version, but you cannot afford to take any childs word over the others. You will have to deal with them as you see fit, even if it means that one or more of your children feel that they have been unjustly dealt with. So instead of concentrating so hard on being fair parents, may be you should work harder on ways to make your children feel loved.

Comparisons between siblings are
bound to happen. Parents try their best to be fair, but sometimes one of the
siblings always complains. What should parents do? Ignore? The solution lies in
making the complaining child feel secure and loved.

It's not fair

10-year-old
Vinay says, "Mummy always shouts at me. She never says anything to my
younger brother Aayush. Just because he's small he can do anything." One
hears myriad complaints from children that their parents are being unfair.
"My older sister gets more pocket money than me." My brother is
allowed to sleep over at his friend's houses because he is a boy."
"Daddy always takes her side when we fight."

Good intentions

Most
parents start out with good intentions. They want to be scrupulously fair in
their dealings with their children and treat all their children the same way
without discriminating between them. Parents endeavor to give their children
similar presents so that nobody should be left out. Some parents make a
conscious effort to try not to lose their temper with one child more than the
other. They try to apply rules of discipline impartially to all their children.
Yet, despite their best efforts, children continue to complain that they are
getting the short end of the stick. Is there something wrong?

While
it is admirable that parents want to rear their children without discriminating
between them, this is at best an admirable theory or a guideline to adopt while
parenting. Parents who feel guilty when their children accuse them of being
unjust can rest assured that it is virtually impossible to stick to your
resolve of constant fairness.

Unrealistic expectations

Constant
fairness is an unrealistic expectation of parents because they have failed to
factor in the most basic element of human error and their capacity to misjudge
situation and overreact which is quite normal. While you can work towards the
goal of being fair, do not be dismayed if you find yourself straying off the
path. Parents are human after all.

When
parents think that they can always be fair, they have to realize that it's not
like disciplining soldiers in the army. Each child is different and has his own
temperament. Some children are easy to talk to and reason with. Others can be
stubborn and naughty and will need a firmer hand. There is no way that one
blanket approach can cover them all. Some children get shouted at more often
because they don't respond to any other kind of discipline.

Playing fair can backfire

Parents
should also keep in mind that by sticking rigidly to the 'always fair no matter
what' attitude they may be doing their children a disservice. Children are
entitled their special praise and privileges depending on their needs and when
they earn it. If you deny them, it will just make them feel resentful and
neglected.

It
is difficult to be fair when settling squabbles between siblings, especially
when you cannot identify what happened or who started it or who finished it.
Every child will present his own version, but you cannot afford to take any
child's word over the others. You will have to deal with them as you see fit,
even if it means that one or more of your children feel that they have been
unjustly dealt with.

So instead of concentrating so hard on being
fair parents, may be you should work harder on ways to make your children feel
loved.

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my mom is very unfair to my step brother. she always stick up for me when me and my brother fights. i just don't feel good when i should get in trouble when i should.i feel sorry for my brother but ican'ty do anything about it

my mom is so on fair when i she always go on my sis side and she gets so annyoing. when im doing nothing she gets in the way. when my dad is gone she gets so mean and she said i can do things that i cant do