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AroSpecAwarenessWeek: Day 1 – Identity

Sunday, February 19: Write about what your aromantic / aro spec identity means to you. This can include your experience finding the identity that feels the most right to you, and can absolutely involve disclosing what your identity is (though, of course, that is not required).

The first thing I really should say is that I don’t know for sure where exactly I fall on the aromantic spectrum, and so because of this I just solely identify as aromantic.

It took me a whilst to figure out I was aromantic mainly because I didn’t know that it existed. Growing up I always questioned what romantic love was, because everyone around me had experienced it except for me. And because I didn’t know aromanticism existed I just thought my time would come, or that I was broken to be honest.

I don’t remember the first time I stumbled on the word “aromantic” not as clearly as I do when I discovered “asexual” mainly because when I was figuring out my identity I was in a relationship at the time. And I thought that because I was I had to be “heteroromantic” even though I’d later find out I was also not cisgendered, but I hadn’t yet questioned myself on that either.

When I first found out about the aro spectrum I didn’t immediately go and identify with aromantic, as I questioned myself and my relationship I found the definition of “quoiromantic” or otherwise known as “wtfromantic”. I think the definition of quoiromantic has changed since I discovered it a couple of years ago but when I did the definition was something along the lines of “cannot differentiate the difference between romantic and platonic attraction”. But then as time went on and I realised that this identity didn’t really suit me either, so I just went and identified as aromantic, even though it probably isn’t 100% me.

Now my identity means a lot to me because it took me so long to get to where I am. I figured out I was aromantic/arospec when I was 17 nearly 18 years old. The term “aromantic” gives me a place to belong, it tells me that it’s okay that I’m different to this amatonormative world. I fully accept myself as aromantic because deep down, if I had known that such a term existed, I would’ve known that I was aromantic. Because I questioned it (romantic attraction/love) every day of my life. And if I had known about aromanticism earlier I think I would have gone through life a bit differently and it would’ve been a lot easier, I will go into more detail about that in tomorrow’s blog post because that’s about the complications.

It doesn’t bother me that I’m not 100% sure where I fall on the aromantic spectrum I’m fine with identifying just as aromantic, mainly because I’m content with where my life is at with my aro identity. I know I probably won’t want to have a romantic relationship, I’ve been in a romantic relationship, I’ve had the experience, and I know that it’s probably not for me. I know a lot of people won’t understand where I’m coming from because the world is so dependant on romance and sex, but I love who I am as an aromantic person. I honestly wouldn’t change it for the world.