Less than 1 month till morons refuse to vote

Unfortunately they only get one vote each, and one vote won’t make any difference at all

As the general election looms, dickwads across the country have begun rehearsing their stupid rants about why they won’t vote.

With less than 1 month to go, the political parties are stepping up their campaigns to win over the electorate, which sadly will be largely ineffectual because the few people who bother to vote, vote the same way every time, and 15m people in the UK are too thick or too self-absorbed to make it to the polling station.

Non-voter Samantha Furcup said “I think Russell Brand’s knocked the screw on the head with a saw. The whole political class is, you know, really hegema- hedgemon- … um… really shit. It would make no difference if I voted because they all work for Coca Cola anyway. Or something.”

Simpleton, Geoffrey Shovel, added “There’s literally no difference between the main parties, so why bother? Apart from something to do with taxes, something about ‘public spending’ (whatever that is), plans to run the economy, opposing views on Europe, and fundamental underlying ideological differences and methods of choosing policy, the Conservatives and Labour are exactly the same. That’s why I won’t vote.

“That and the fact that I expect the polling station is really far away. I’ve never looked into it, but I bet the country ‘s only polling station is based in Westminster, and I don’t want to stand there in the rain, if it rains.”

Political analyst Tim Twanks said “Did you know that the number of lazy, stupid people who don’t vote is so large that if they all cast their vote the same way they could get a currently powerless party into government with a massive majority?

“Actually can I scratch that from the record? If we start telling these fuckwits their votes matter, they’ll probably all come out in droves for Ukip or the Greens, and then we are really fucked.”