That was really good! I have some suggestions if that's ok.When she falls in, you could do a bit more to build up to the fall instead of her just sliding in. Also, you use a lot of 'she did this' and 'she walked here'. You could try mixing the sentences so its 'Walking over to where ever, she ...' Aside from those, I don't think there was much else to change.I hoped that helps but feel free to ignore it all if you'd rather!!

Neverland

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For Battle of the Fandom's (classic stories). A story about Peter Pan before he met Wendy and her brothers.