I fucking hate this all right now. Cold, alone, tired and I cannot sleep.

The only thing I want cannot be purchased, cannot be wrapped, cannot even really be given to me.
So I sit here: head pounding from the crying and from the wine.
I try to be strong: but I fail so fucking hard.
Play video games, where I can go pretend to be someone else-kill some bitches-and try to forget how much life sucks.

The first Christmas after my wife of 21 years died, I was alone on Christmas morning feeling very depressed. My son was away in the military where I literally didn't know from day to day if he was alive, or dead and at 47, I couldn't figure out how my otherwise charmed life had suddenly gone so far off the tracks!! I was sleeping on a cot at my shop, because Hurricane Rita had destroyed my home three months previously, so I was relegated to taking whore baths from the bathroom sink and living on fast food. To say that I was at the lowest point of my life would definitely be an understatement!! Point being, I survived and moved on with my life. Not because what was happening was how I had planned, or wanted my life to be, but because despite all the bad, life goes on!! That was eight years ago and over the past eight years I've had some really great times and some definitely not so great times!! Welcome to life in the real world, it isn't always rainbows and fairy tale endings!! Life is what you make it, and it's all on you to make it the best it can be!! You're killing yourself over a hopeless alcoholic who has now decided his life isn't miserable enough, so he's thrown some hard drugs into the mix just to see how much more he can screw it up!! SCRAPE him off dear, he's not worth it!!