Uncoached has unearthed one of the few redeeming features of baseball season: the Marlin Mermaids. If any baseball team needs its own quasi-cheerleading squad, it’s the Marlins, whose odd locale and punishing heat contribute to their perenially horrendous attendance. I don’t know if it’s enough to get me to watch baseball, but it’s enough to get The President a little extra work in the bullpen.

“The bullpen” is my nickname for my special masturbating place, in case that was unclear.