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January 31, 2011

Take this job and shove it.

That song/title pretty much sums what I did this weekend so I could actually stop typing right now.

Except I won't, because y'all know how much I like using my words.

Technically, I need the income in the worst way. Also technically~ after the holidays ended and I had covered everyone's days off and vacations, being low girl on the totem pole meant I got stuck with the ghost shifts (days/nights during which business is the slowest) which means while it was a little added help it wasn't near enough. Top that off with the sick that has yet to end and feeling anything but inspired ~ I decided Door Mat is not in my middle name.

I mentioned a little while ago that it wasn't working out for me and that my boss should start looking for someone else so when there was disturbance in the force early Sat. night (read that as a rare and way overblown BS situation between a customer and the owner...neighborhood or not, it's still a BAR) I found a moment to tell her that it would be my last night.

~~

I'm hopping sides of the Right/Wrong decision fence like I'm glued to a Pogo Stick.

I still have the same mortgage and car payment as I did when I decided I needed to take the job. In fact as of tomorrow I am 30 days late with my house payment, and I've only half of it.

On the other hand, I'm sick and tired of being sick. I haven't been in the studio save a couple of times in 2 months. Last week I let a sink full of dishes sit there for 3 DAYS. A friend came over and replaced the guts of the upstairs toilet to stop a leak, and I stepped over the trash left behind in the bathroom for almost a week before I cleaned it up.

Some people reading this are real life friends, have been in my home, and are probably lying on the floor having just fallen out of their chairs after reading the above.

I may be a free spirited Phoebe creative, but I'm a total Monica when it comes to my home.

I don't know if I've made the right choice. I don't know if the economy is healed enough for me to make it again on my calling. I. don't. know.

It's a scary thing I've done, but where there is no fear there can be no courage.

Right?

(UPDATE: This post sounds more morose than I actually am. God's has been the loudest of my voices lately ~ and the choice I made is because I am listening.)

~~

On a happier note~ my bead soup from MK arrived this weekend~ a beautiful combination of color and shape that includes a seahorse.

15 comments:

Juls - I am thinking good thoughts for you - for good health and good employment. I tell myself this often (really often lately): trust in the plan already set in motion by the man upstairs. I have not been made privy to my plan (AT ALL - hint hint) but I gotta beleive that it will all work out. I hope the same for you!

There must be something in the air, Juls. Even way up her in the Frozen Tundra (yes, we capitalize this, becasue yes, that is what it is really like) where the air is a might chillier and thinner, I have been having the same sort of thoughts. I feel sick today and it isn't the flu. Anxiety and Depression are sticking to me like glue and I need to kick them to the curb. I think that you have a lot of moxie and a whole heap of talent. I am wearing my heart in hand Juls-made necklace today because I needed the courage and love-force that is emanating from it. I want that for you too. Please feel better and make pretty beads because I want to support you as much as I can (I need to use up all the beads from you that I have, half a drawer worth, but that is great incentive!)Enjoy the day, Juls.xoErin

Ah, my dear, I wish you all the very best in your endeavor. I do know, very well, how hard it is these days to make a go of anything, including the job... my husband is in the Door Mat position right now as well. Everyone is so anxious about the economy that of course you have the jitters over your choice; with that said, I firmly believe that you have made the right choice BECAUSE it was YOUR choice. Your choices are what make up your particular life, and therefore they will always be the right ones, even if you find them to be hard ones. I wish I were there to give you a real life hug. I have tons of faith in your ability to pull through, nay, to have success, at what you put your mind to. Never forget that you are AWESOME and much stronger than you may think!!! Tons of love,Nancy

Ah Juls, if I lived in your neck of the woods, I would SO give you a job because I know anything you touch turns to gold. Your intition has always been on target, so stop beating yourself up. The Lord helped you decide it was time to move on to something else. Parapghrasing The Sound of Music, when a door closes, somewhere the Lord opens a window. And I'm sure you've climbed throgh your share of windows! ;-)

Have you shopped your teaching skills around to libraries, rec centers, senior centers, etc? They're usually looking for good teachers and fun classes.

Good for you! I worked at a bar for a while when ends were totally not meeting and GOD it sucked sometimes. Most of the time, in fact. So yeah, I understand the mingling of terror and joy that comes with such a choice. Here's hoping you feel better and find a better situation soon; I'll send you good job/breadwinning vibes!

I feel for you the changes you are going thru! Everything seems so shaken up these days from the economies to the weather. But theres always the Light of God in the darkness and Im glad that you know that! My husbands is ready to go to Human Resources for his tin cup dictator boss who yells and rakes these men in his office over the coal when ever he takes the whim. One just does what he must after awhile. I hope you will get better with being sick Juls. Ive got something a brew right now but Ive given it to the Man upstairs, I dont know what going on but going back to the Dr! I cant wait to see what you do with your Soup!! Hang in there Juls ox

You know sometimes I think it is the time of the year...January for many people is not a "pretty" month...I for one for the past 5 years have lost my incentive to create every single January...I just don't feel like it!!!!!!! Having said that I am as positive about everything as I can be...after all "negativity begets negativity"!!!

I consider myself lucky that I don't have to go to a job I "hate"...I've always felt badly for those who have to...We all do what we have to do...do what makes you happy Juls... seriously...think about it!

I'm sending positive thoughts your way. I've had the yuck that has been going around and you couldn't have put it better last week when you described yourself as "functional sick." That was me last week (the week before I was "didn't know my own name sick")and now I'm starting to pull out of it. Three weeks already and I know it isn't completely gone.

As for the house payment - maybe you ought to try what you did to raise some $ for your sweet puppies surgery - torch for hire.

Trust your choice Juls... trust the Universe is for you... rest more than anything until you Feel WEll- watch funny movies- Like Taladega Nights -That shite is funny.... the world will not crumble- you will triumph... first... please slow your roll...breathe.... relax... the house WIll be clean again... I am not going to come over there and arrest you for a bit of clutter.... nor is anyone else... and watch for your signs that want you~!!!! and go that way... Love and blessings... Mare

Art is reflection of the soul; fueled by emotion and awe inspired. While we may leave a part of ourselves with every person we touch, our words inevitably fade to whispers. In art there is a melody we sing right out loud; leaving behind a footprint of tangible expression~ of ourselves and of our humanity.