'I'm turning 30 and I'm still a virgin'

Q: I hate sex. Most of the time I find it either uncomfortable, like going to a gynaecologist, or boring. It’s just something I want to get over with.I’m married and my husband wants to have sex with me. I feel bad because I’m never in the mood. Usually we have sex once a week, but lately it’s been less than once a month. When we do have sex, I do it because that’s what a wife is supposed to do. I find my husband attractive and I love him, but I have no libido. Even when I see sex on TV or read about it, I feel no sexual feelings or lust. It just looks like a stupid, uncomfortable thing that people do. How am I going to get back into sex? It’s making my husband very sad and he thinks he’s unattractive.

A: You should see a doctor to do some tests on your hormone levels, which can affect your sex drive. And have you tried masturbating on your own? This can, in some instances, increase the desire for sex. You should share your results with your husband to reassure him that it’s not anything he’s doing or not.

Q: I’m desperate. I’m turning 30 this year and I’m still a virgin. This is not because I’ve been saving myself, but just because I’ve never had the opportunity to lose my virginity. I’ve never had a boyfriend or a partner. I’ve tried Tinder and other dating apps, but I never get past the first date. Guys just don’t seem to find me attractive. I feel ugly and unlovable. People tell me it’s easy to lose your virginity as a woman, but I don’t think so. What advice can you give me?

A: First of all you shouldn’t use words like ugly and unlovable to describe yourself. It may seem small to you, but it can greatly affect your self-confidence. This can affect how you relate to people and may or may not be the reason you’re finding it challenging to meet partners. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age. I too was a late bloomer. It’s important to wait for someone who will respect you and with whom you’ll have fun. Have you tried having your friends introduce you to potential suitors? Going out more and attending events will expose you to people you may not have otherwise met. Good luck.

Q: Can you supply a list of exclusive swingers’ clubs in South Africa? Why are such clubs so popular overseas and so low-key here?

A: South Africans are a little more conservative when it comes to sexual matters when compared with people overseas. But I feel we too will be sexually liberated in the next few years. A few adult clubs for you to look up across the country include Club Poizon, Kiwiklub Swingers Club, Club Privilege, Silver Stiletto and Club Rome. Enjoy and be safe.

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