An exploration of the thoughts and interactions experienced by a person without convictions

Sunday, March 1

getting lost

getting lost is a whole chapter of your life. But unlike most chapters, this one is spread out and a constant recurrance, no matter how old, wise, or knowledgable you become. Getting lost isn't like your fat year seven phase that is over within 12 months, and its certainly not like your obsession with supre phase that lasted a month in year five. Getting lost isnt even as calculated as thatfour year crush you've had on that amazing guy. No, getting lost is a part of life that never goes away, you can't prevent it, you can hardly ever see it coming and most of all, it is impossible to be found.

When you're a kid it's being lost is as simple as being overwhelmed in a swimming pool or a shopping centre. The moment you no longer have the pressure of mummy's hand in yours a sickly feeling of nausea rushes over you, but a split second later you see her waving at you two metres away.

When you're in highschool for the first time and have no idea where the science labs are situated in this vast concrete jungle, you sweat and sweat and sweat because of the humiliation of your red face and lost expression. You completely freakout until you establish that you have been standing infront of them for 20 minutes, crying.

When you hit young adulthood being lost becomes a whole other world- another dimension. There is a whole part of your life that is centrally concerned with making sure you feel lost 90 per cent of the time and the other 10 percent isn't helping either- you end up just worrying you will get lost...

Lost in what though? lost in rules of friendships, relationships, education. lost literally, when you end up walking around for 4 hours not knowing where you are, have been or should go. The moment you realise you're lost, that same feeling of sickly nausea hits you when you were 5, 7 and 13- only this time its harder and faster. You'd think that as you grow, your fears would diminish, or at least that's what we've been told. WRONG.

Not only do they not disapear like we expect them to, but they multiply. They multiply like rabbits on crack, caffeine and V. The responsibility behind your actions increases at a dramatic pace and suddenly when you find yourself lost, there is no one there to find you. No mum, or map or guiding teacher to aid you. There is no-one.

Is that why we yearn for a counterpart so much? We want to make sure we are found when we get lost?