So i'm into this girl who drinks and has been hospitalized four times for trying to kill herself. that was last year and she says she's over that stage in her life. is it ok to give it a try or will she end up bringing me down or what? also, how do i tell my mom without her freaking out about her hospitalization?

So....im sittin in my room, minding my own business, when i am once again inturrupted. Not by a physical being, but more by an emotion. Interrrupted by something that i cannot even begin to describe in words using this unworthy set of keys sitting before me. Keys waiting to be punched down hard to spell out lies. Lies that are said to be my feelings. These aren't my feelings, my inner most emotions.

Finals are almost over and i could not be happier about that! Woo! Aced my US history exam today which rocks cause i studied for like 3 hours and that is a miracle in itself cause i never study! so yeah. I've also been really happy lately. Partially because i have a lot of caffine in my system but also cause i haven't been talking to my psycho friend. It's amazing how much better i feel about myself and i how alive i feel now that i'm beginning to live my life for me and not for anyone else.

I don't have much to say, i just really feel like writing something about this girl. This is crazy, i never thought this could happen and yet it has. I don't even care if this isn't how she feels, I hope to god it is though. that contradicts itself doesn't it...oh well. I like it, I've decided i like it. Even if it's different, I like it. I can't stop thinking, which usually is a bad thing but right now i can't get enough of it.

I'm here, i'm still here. I'll be here for awhile. I have no idea what i'm doing. No idea where i'm going, no idea what any of this means. I feel lost...and yet, i feel found. I feel like someone gets me, but i cant let myself think that cause what if im wrong. What if this isn't what i think? Then what, Kate? what's the worst that could happen. I'd hurt my pride, look like a fool. For what? For feeling.

oh im so excited its almost winter break! yay! i have had soo much crap going on these past 2 weeks...i've had at least 4 projects for one class and its starting to get to me. I've never had this kind of problem with school, usually i do nothing and get straight A's and all the sudden i'm doing nothing and getting D's. Uh oh. and my mom has been really pissy these past couple of days tellin me if i dont stop texting im gonna get my car taken away...wtf?? anyway, like shes gonna stop me from texting.

I'm in a whiny mood but i can't help it. Reality has just set in.
What the fuck am i doing?
For all i know i will never meet her.
I seriously thought about it today and i figured out that it would cost me
over $200 to see her. That's including gas, food, and a hotel.
You've gotta be fucking kidding me. I don't have that kind of money.
I make $6.25 at my job and i'm not even working in the winter. How am

I'm sorry but what is wrong with me?? I'm at lowes with my friend and this lesbian comes up and starts hitting on my friend. Now, it's not that im lookin for anyone right now (babe, if you read this its the principle of the thing, i love ya), its just that why her??? Why does she get hit on, and this is not the first time. I'm gonna say it, I apologize, but she's not that attractive. I realize that i am not drop dead gorgeous, but come on!

ok i admit it--i am a perfectionist. I love perfection and i expect it from everyone, including myself. I need to stop, its really not healthy but i just can't help it. I mean, i don't love order and such, messy is fine, its just people and such. I expect everything and everyone that surrounds me to be perfect which inevitably leads to me being let down constantly. I expect my relationships to be perfect, i expect my grades to be perfect but at the same time i expect to not have to put the least bit of effort into it, which i am starting to realize, is absolutly impossible.

so im sitting here on a friday night. i just got off work and im getting ready to go to bed. how sad is that. granted i do have the ACT tomorrow but whatever. so there's this girl that i can't stop thinking about and its all great and dandy and everything except see she lives in another state. Now, im pretty sure she feels the same but thats the thing about online crap, it is reallly hard. When i first came to this site i was like "oh it'd be cool to have an online girlfriend" but oh how wrong i was.