I’ve never had a truly horrific embarrassing moment. I’m just reflecting trying to think of one. But the evidence that I have to think about it says I didn’t have a terrible incident. Least none that have shocked me to my core.

In second grade I think I peed my pants while going through the lunch line. Obviously embarrassing but I don’t recall scars of torment from other kids.

There’s always the potential embarrassment when you see someone reveal their inner imperfect-self through an accident of some sort, when we’re suppose to give a facade of perfection.

Just this evening while chit-chatting to pass time with the man cooking my spicy potato roti, I saw a lady with a kart tip her tote boxes off the side.

I hear the breaking glass and saw the broken clear plastic. Her face was more red then the wine pooling on the cerement. I felt for her. To help her through the moment best I decided to not give her my attention, as another passerby was already helping her clean up.

This anguish is common. We try to act normal and sane in front of a crowd or an individual and if something goes awry we blush, stay still and quiet. I try to be accommodating and help people through the embarrassment.

Coincidentally this can also be rather adorable when a women’s demure presents itself. In a nervous chuckle, red cheeks, small grins followed by looking away. Always brings a smile to my face.

And another lazy day passes. With a stretch and a sip of tepid water, waking with the sun this morning I was at odds with myself yet again. A drowsy mind that just wants to waste hours on my phone, than do something productive like writing, preparing healthy meals, or exercise. Not that I’d describe it as a permanent state of war within myself, it’s more like an insidious disconnection.

What a conundrum to be in … I have to have a giant will to be productive. I have to fight myself to read. I have to fight myself to play video games. And these are things I like to do.

For the moment, the solution I can see is becoming connected with what life I want to be living. It must be a constant reminder for me unti a habit forms. As living in the now, or moment, has a lot of wisdom but it can also distract from strategy that forms my future.

Being connected starts internally. This yields decisiveness. And without that, nothing, good or ill, ever goes forward.

Smooth. My first thought to this was the feeling a woman’s soft, smooth skin. I’m not exactly sure what that means. I know it’s one of the first things I think about with a new potential partner.

I daydream about getting to feel her vibe–not just her skin. The harmless musings of yet another hopeless romantic.

I’m happy with myself that it is something I care and daydream about. It’s nice moment. For me it’s about the little things like that. A gentle squeeze of my hand. The adorable little sneeze a girl can do. Captivating eyes looking into mine.

If I linger on it long enough I start to get lonely. But also hopeful I guess. Hopeful for life to happen when I least expect it. A chance to sweep an amazing girl off her feet.