Letting childminder go - need advice please

We have used the same minder for 2.5 years, children are now 5 and almost 8. The older child has never really gelled there. Nothing at all that the minder does or doesn't do, he just hates going. Back story is that his nan used to mind him and he took the move badly, we had thought he'd come round eventually but he never has. He is utterly miserable and has begged us to find a different minder where there would be other boys he could play with after school. DD is 5 and has always been very happy there.

So, turns out one of our neighbours is qualified in this area (has worked in a preschool) and is a mum of 4 so well experienced and has offered to be our minder. This would be fantastic for our son as he would be able to play with his pals after school, very little upheaval. We think we should make the move as its heartbreaking seeing him so unhappy all the time.

But what do I say to our current minder? I really don't want to hurt her feelings she has been fantastic and as I said there's nothing she does wrong or anything, just that DS has never 'clicked' with her. DD loves her (but I think will be just as happy near home with her friends to play with too) If I tell her the truth, surely that will cause bad feeling and I'd like to give her a month's notice so for a month she'd have the kids and possibly be really pissed off with DS? I just don't know what to do for the best.

Don't give all the details of why you are leaving. State you are giving notice due to a change in your family situation ( do not enter into discussion about the change). You thank her for all her care over the previous 2.5years and wish her well in the future. Regarding your friend you need to satisfy yourself that you are happy with the registration situation and that there is all the correct insurances in place.

Just be honest! Chances are your current CM will get to know your new CM or someone else may tell her! If she's as good a CM as you say she is then she will thank you for being honest and will reflect on this to think of ways to improve her setting for the future.

Also hope it does work out with your neighbour as sometimes that can be too close to home! You might want to trial first or have a settling in period with the new CM to make sure it is the right decision. Your son might be happier but your daughter might find it too 'boisterous' for example!

Your cm is running a business and like anyone else, she will be used to customers moving on when their requirements change.

I wouldn't necessarily say that your ds has never clicked with her, but there's nothing wrong with saying that he would prefer to be somewhere with more boys his age or that your needs have changed and you're going with someone else. This could be something as simple as the other CM offering different hours, different terms during school holidays or maybe offering an evening meal etc.

Your cm won't be gutted to lose your DCs, it's part and parcel of business, she will have time to advertise for new DCs over the notice period and won't treat your DCs any differently knowing they are leaving.

I work as a cm and wouldn't be at all upset if someone decided their child would be happier elsewhere. Spending every day somewhere, it is important that the child is happy above all else and if your ds isn't happy there I'm sure she has already noticed.

Some children settle quickly and get on well with the other DCs, others take a while to warm up or are generally a bit reluctant to get stuck in.

Thanks everyone she is a really brilliant minder and we will miss her but our DS is priority so will have to just bite the bullet. We will absolutely have to give her a reason, we've a great relationship with her and she will definitely ask why. We will explain that an opportunity has arisen for kids to be minded a few doors away and DS would be much happier being able to play outside with all his friends. DD has friends that she can play with too so it really does seem like the best option for us. I just feel so bad because I know she will miss the kids and even worse relies on the money. I hope she's able to get new mindees asap.

I too am asking whether the neighbour is actually a registers childminder. if she isn't, she won't hold insurance and although you may think that's fine, it isn't. Really. She is also breaking the law of getting paid to look after your children of its more than 2 hours a day, and it obvious I'll be in the holidays.