BOOK REVIEWS

Publisher's Weekly

"Best Books"

The New York Times

"Currently winning our race for most intriguing book title of 2009 is the oxymoronic “Self-Promotion for Introverts” by Nancy Ancowitz (McGraw Hill). The 'how to' book is filled with tips (rehearse is a favorite). The author’s tone is supportive and she does not argue that introverts should become live wires. But what else would you expect from a book whose subtitle is 'the quiet guide to getting ahead'?"

The Wall Street Journal

"…showing how quiet people can turn their innate strengths into an advantage when networking."

ABC News

"Best Book Gifts"

Los Angeles Times

"Whatever's behind your reluctance to speak out for yourself, this is the first book I've seen with serious research on the topic that leads to a new game plan."

CIO Insight

"Must-Read Fall Books for IT Execs"

Star-Ledger

"Best New Career Books"

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY NEWS DAILY

"Offers a solid dose of practical advice—alongside humorous anecdotes.... Ancowitz shows introverts how to take advantage of the unique qualities and strengths they can offer."

The Independent Consultant

"There is great value in this book, whether you are promoting your own business or consulting practice, or just want to be sure your talents are recognized within your larger organization."

Small Business Trends

"Written by an introvert for introverts."

Ft. Myers Florida Weekly

"'Self-Promotion for Introverts' is a primer on doing just that—helping 'quiet sorts' assert themselves by using their inherent tendencies in the most effective ways."

The Wall Street Journal CareerJournal.com

ChangeThis

AUDIO

Columbia University tele-seminar on Self-Promotion for Introverts® play download

Audio has been lightly edited for accuracy.

NANCY'S BIO

A business communication coach specializing in career advancement and presentation skills, Nancy Ancowitz is a thinking partner and stalwart supporter for her clients, who range from CEOs to emerging leaders in the business and creative worlds. Nancy helps her clients get the recognition they deserve. (more...)

Laser Listening: Paying Attention from Inside Out – Part 3

Source: Pressmaster/Adobe Stock

In Part 1 and Part 2 of this series, Adam S. McHugh, author of The Listening Life(as well as Introverts in the Church), shares important insights for transforming how you listen – both to others as well as yourself. In this final part of the series, McHugh lays out his thoughts on challenges and opportunities for introverts as listeners.

NA: How do you relate to listening as an introvert? Part of the common perception about introverts is that we are good listeners. Is that your sense as well? And, to what extent is there a difference between our proclivity to be in more of a listening role and our actual skills at listening attentively?

ASM: This goes back to the first question you asked me in the first part of this interview. When it comes to sitting quietly while others talk, introverts certainly have a head start. That is why we are often considered good listeners. But, genuine listening requires more. We may have muted exteriors, but we so often have noisy interiors that prevent us from truly giving our attention to others. We can be completely distracted in our inner worlds, but project a quiet listening exterior.

I wrote an article about this recently. The real challenge comes in making internal space for the thoughts, needs, and feelings of others. I am not convinced that anyone, of any temperament, is naturally gifted at listening. True listening is an act of selflessness, a work of ego surrender; most humans don’t do those things instinctually. Listening is always a skill to be cultivated, a muscle to be developed. And like a muscle, it will atrophy if you don’t maintain it.

NA: What recommendations do you have for introverts about listening, particularly in the workplace?

ASM: You can help create a culture of listening through leadership by example. No matter what position you are in, if you practice genuine listening toward others, you will influence others to listen as well. I have learned more about listening through observing good listeners than through any number of listening books and articles I have read.

The challenge for introverts, whether at work or in our personal lives, is not getting stuck in one-directional conversations and relationships.

NA: Yes. An quiet workshop participant of mine recently remarked that so many people talk at him at work that he often feels like furniture!

ASM: I had a friend who jokingly said she was mad at me because she had just gotten off a cross-country flight where she was seated next to someone who wanted to talk for six straight hours. She said, “And because of you, I felt like I should listen the whole time!”

Trust me, that is not what I am saying. That is a hostage crisis, not a listening situation. No one can pay attention to another for six straight hours, nor should you even try. A commitment to listening does not mean that you do not take opportunities to speak your mind, nor that you allow others to take advantage of your quiet bent.

NA: In one of your blog posts, you describe the origin of your becoming a listener. In fact, you go on to describe listening as “presence.” You write: “I had learned that presence is more than speaking, and that words can be barriers that separate us from others and from entering the moment we are currently living.” Would you say more about how to enact that “presence”?

Source: Billionphotos/Adobe Stock

ASM: The more I think about the topic of presence, the more I think it has to do with how we handle our own anxiety. Anxiety is one of the greatest enemies of genuine listening. It is anxiety that causes us to get distracted by our own thoughts, to interrupt others, to speak quickly, and to give superficial responses. Our anxiety particularly gets activated when people we love are in pain because it unsettles our own sense of well-being.

When I think of people who have a true listening presence, I think of a few people I know who project a calm and non-judgmental posture. They are the sort of people you feel drawn to because just in being near them, you yourself feel calmer. There may be some people whose hearts naturally beat a little slower and have a slight detachment that affects that level of calm. But again, I think that presence is something that is developed. And it comes down to greeting Anxiety when it arrives, letting it teach you, but not letting it rule your actions and responses.

NA: I never thought of greeting Anxiety before. Yet it makes so much sense to treat it as a being – almost to personify it.

Thank you so much for all the gems you’ve shared throughout this series. I deeply appreciate your many insights, including: the distinction between external and internal attention; the “transformative power of being heard”; the inverse relationship between listening and power; and, the importance of truly stepping into the shoes of others. Thank you also for highlighting the significance of listening deeply to yourself. Finally, thank you for your recommendations for introverts as listeners, particularly in how to manage anxiety to listen with a calm presence. It’s been a privilege engaging in this dialogue with you.