LIS

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Dear LIB readers: Should I marry a man who sexually abused me?

From a LIB reader

Dear Linda, I really need advice from your readers. I have fallen in love with a guy who sexually abused me when I was young and he's asking me to marry him now. He has apologized for what he did to me but I still haven't forgotten. What do I do?

the decision is yours to make. Have you really forgiven him? are you affected psychologically by he abuse? do you think you can live/cope with him and not react negatively towrds him in future?hmnnn...u really need to examine yourself sincerely, if you think you can go ahead with him, oh well.

but the guy on the other hand seriously needs to be flogged. only God knows how many others he abused. #hiss#

My dear, you need to cut that relationship ASAP!! Its for your own good to leave while you can before its too late. Yes, forgive him and move on from him!! There are so many guys out there and I know you will find him. Trust God

hmnnn! all these LIB readers case is worse than the main stories linda puts up here. the other one can't bleat like a goat to please her man. this one, of all the men in the world, its the very one that abused her sexually that she saw to marry. tomorrow, you all would line up under anonymous and throw insults if it were to be someone else in your shoe.

Let me be honest with you. I don't think you need our advice. For the fact that you allowed yourself to fall in love with him means you didn't care about what he did to you in the past. So go ahead then. Just weigh ur decisions carefully before you do.Have you guys seen Yvonne Nelson's baby photo HERE? This lady is naturally cute

Do you mean rape or what? That could hold bad memories though. The details are really sketchy here to make a good analysis though. But people deserve a second chance, if you love him and he does too then the past can be put where it belongs, in the past!

The only thing dat I believe its constant nature in dis life is change.And one potent medicine which has proved more efficacious than time to heal all wounds is TRUE LOVE,with sincerety of purpose.If u truely love him and believe he's a changed person and deserves a benefit of doubt,my dear say yes before another person does.lolz

First, I think you should forgive him. Then i think you should go get some counseling on that atrocious act, and lastly, you have to come to terms that what he did was atrocious. When you've done all these things, then you will know what to do. *note when I say "you", I mean you, as in just you. Good luck. Oh, one more thing, if you have to ask this question, you already know the answer, follow your gut instinct. Trust your instincts girl!!

First of all, you were fully aware of d fact dat he molested u and u haven't 4gotten yet u went ahead to fall in luv. Now u're asking if u should marry him or not. My dear u have answered ur own question.Let us move on to oda things abeg....NEXT!

Once an abuser, always an abuser! Shikena! Which kain yeye fall in love be that? If u live in a sane country and got him reported then, would he be asking to marry u now? Until u have kids for him and he starts abusing them? And your neighbour's kids??!! Pls girl, get ur dirty love some recommended glasses or surgery, if its that blind!

Like seriously are you alright?don't even think of it..he abused you and believe me he will still do it again..sometimes you have to ignore your feelings and use your head..he's an animal,you deserve the best..

Like seriously. Is dat a question. Sum1 abused u sexually how d hell did u fall in love with him??? I don't think it's wrong. I think it's WRONG. I get he's a "changed man" n all dat. But stay away 4rm him.

Obviously he is manipulating you. Sexual predators do not just change and he'll probably do the same to your daughters and all other young girls that may come into your home e.g some poor house maid. Please stay away from him and advice him to go for counseling. he needs to address whatever it is that made him sexually abuse someone in the 1st place!

Obviously he is manipulating you. Sexual predators do not just change and he'll probably do the same to your daughters and all other young girls that may come into your home e.g some poor house maid. Please stay away from him and advice him to go for counseling. he needs to address whatever it is that made him sexually abuse someone in the 1st place!

Forgive him but flee cos theres no probaility he wont do that again even to your own child or relatives or neighbours and then eternal disgrace and shame. Has he really dealt with that thing cos its a spirit.

Well i guess you already answered it yourself. He is a changed man and would like to marry you. I advice that you forgive him and let go of your past. And move on. He's strong to still want to be around you. You're stronger because you have loved him still. I suggest you move on and forgive him completely. Afterall, if you marry someone else, you might feel worse or indifferent. You hurt may still be there. It is hard. And a case of sexual abuse is harder. The easiest thing to say is "DON'T EVEN DARE" but then for the love of God, a word called forgiveness exists. You can read this poem I wrote of forgiveness. To err is human

I wonder who these people are. Who are you people that can't take decisions concerning your own lives? You come to total strangers who can never understand what you are feeling. Do you take the most common advice at the end of the day, apply it and damn the consequences?

You are even lucky you're not related to him.. I was sexually abused by my mum's younger brother at the age of 7. I'm almost 36 now and I'm still kinda affected by the whole stuff. If you have feelings for him, then go ahead.. Linda, why don't you always post my comments na???

And he shall continue to abuse you sexually -------- ode just what are you still looking for there again , wetin you forget ? A man debased you and you my dear are still thinking of going back to him If not why asking again .

...well to me, I thnk him being arnd u will easy off d memory of the past. Thngs shld be fine...all u need is to forgive him nd start a wonderful life togethr...dont get stalled with thngs from your past wch has now come to correct itsef.

Lindiway,dis girl wey u use for d topic fine ooo.well my dear,if u can live with it,den marry him.its obvious u have feelings for him.but as for someone like me,I don't think I'd be able to marry him cos if he could do dat wen I was young,he cud continue to do dat to younger girls in d future cos he has a peverted mind. So look b4 u leap.

Babe am so sorry that you went through that from a one sexually abused woman to another. Whether he is sorry or not is irrelevant how do you feel? I hope you are not having some sort of attachment to your abuser which is very common, He violated you and now wants to come into your life. You will never forgive him if you marry him every time you are intimate you will remember the abuse run away from him. Get counseling, talk to someone you trust but stay away from him Best of love am rooting for you.

Actually feel this decision is suppose to be a personal thing but since you have decided to involve libers, it's fine.I think it's not a bad idea getting married to him coz we all have our past. If what you feel for him is real love, y not? go girl!

Actually feel this decision is suppose to be a personal thing but since you have decided to involve libers, it's fine.I think it's not a bad idea getting married to him coz we all have our past. If what you feel for him is real love, y not? go girl!

Are you sure he sexually abused you? Cos u sound like u enjoyed it then. What do u mean by "I've fallen in love with a guy who sexually abused me when I was young". Seriously? That's like saying "I've fallen in love with a paedophile who raped me when I was young". Sweetheart u're about to get married to a paedophile, & pls don't run to LIB when he rapes your neighbour's 9yr old daughter.

Young women of these days prefer to trade their class, worth & respect for material things, & its not even funny!!!

He abused you when he had no right to. He'll rape you every single day of your life when he gets conjugal rights. You were abused, have you healed?? You're busy contemplating marrying your abuser. Is your brain on reverse??? Or do you just have an empty hollow skull???

U must be a fool to want to marry such person...ode, dey der dey ask stupid question.....if he can do dat to u wen u wer young,den I can imagine wat he ll do to u nw dat u r older....#justsaying....beta wise up

If you have forgiven him, that is fine but it is hard to re-establish trust on a long-term to a former sex-predator, it would take God to convince you to believe that he would love and value you as his wife on a long-term besides ,in most cases the answer should be no , don't marry him.

Make a decision u would b happy with and not be full of regrets or had I know later,If u love him then I dnt see anything wrong but please b sure he means every bit of his word 2wards staying with u for d rest of his life.Also pray so u can forget abt how he abused u when u were tender,cos I case u guys marry that issue of remembrance is likely 2 b a challenge.God would direct u.

Marry him now....it's thesame way he abused you when you were young that he will abuse other young girls in your neighborhood when you go to work or travel out of town.Old habits die hard! I don't know why some people just fail to learn... Girls sha!!! Really, what sweet words or gifts has he used to entice you to believing he has trully changed?

Honey, if he abused you, are you sure you won't ve to stay very far from your female relatives? If he abused you,he will abuse others and except you are dobubly sure he's changed for the better and really loves you enough to control his urges Donot try to commit. Nd pray hard bout it

You should run away from the bastard. Think about this.If he can abuse you, he can abuse you children.Do you realize that in the western world if you were to report him to the police. He will be prosecuted.their can never be no rational he can give to you for what he did.So my dear a pedophile is forever going to remain a pedophile.

It's really a tough call.do you stil have nightmares of the incident.Was the guy under any influence when u were abused.The decision is urs but take your time and be careful.Most offenders of rape or assault are perverts,they wil do it again.

You didn't "fall in love" with him! You are confused, like so many sexual abuse victims are! Please don't do something stupid with your life! You never know what he is capable of doing! He might attack another poor girl again or even worse, he could target your child when you have one with him!!!! I don't know if is too late to report him to the authorities, but please don't get involved with this monster!!!!

How manage? How do you even speak to someone who abused u sexually???? In d world we live in fallen in love means already sleeping with him, dis time with consent. No judging o! But Sweetie??, man,marry and sexual abuse are not meant to be used in the same sentence. Yeah, forgiveness we teach and preach...and people change yeah, buh what's on d inside will always come out and this time again.Sometimes common sense wins it.

How manage? How do you even speak to someone who abused u sexually???? In d world we live in fallen in love means already sleeping with him, dis time with consent. No judging o! But Sweetie??, man,marry and sexual abuse are not meant to be used in the same sentence. Yeah, forgiveness we teach and preach...and people change yeah, buh what's on d inside will always come out and this time again.Sometimes common sense wins it.

Of course you cannot forget a man who sexually abused you but a lot of things could have been responsible for that including you. Well, if he's really a changed man and you can live with the memories, then you might consider marrying him.Handling Premarital Sexual Urges

Is he d only man on earth? Wen u r Sexually abused remember it can never go out of ur mind it only takes God's intervention 4 such memory 2 wipe off nd hw can u fall in lov wt such a beast. My dear d bitter 2rut is dt such union ll never last so u beta stop dt u call relationship wt him º°˚˚°ºoo, If nt such ll end up abusing u childre 2moro

4give & 4get,live life in it's fulness. Though it's not easy, but 4giveness will help u find happiness. I'm not saying u shld marry him & I'm not saying u shld but if u totally 4give him, u'll find an inner peace within u which will lead u 2 d right man

Lol.... See question! It depends on what d incident reminds you of. It was prolly good that's why you fell in love with him and also considering to marry him. I've met a lot of abused women and they are traumatized for life..... Take the "abuse" out of your question because it definitely wasn't one.

Naturally, there nothing wrong, he his just going to continue from where he finish. I've said it before, the devil you know is better than an angel you haven't seen! So, forget the past and move ahead, marry him and pray God should correct every bad impression he might have created. Oko won lode o!

U get urself confused. How can u fall in luv wit him if u haven't 4given him & enjoys his dick while being abused? U already hav an answer to ur question so go marry am b/4 he will change his mind lolz..... #FACT, de reason we fall in luv wit some1 is cuz we enjoy their company & always wanna be wit de person. #okbye

Linda even u know that this post is STUPID! It has already answered itself, yet u put it up to annoy LIBers haba! D girl says shez inlove with him §o obviously she has forgiven him already... But i gotta ask,u did nt seek advice from pple wen u began fraternizing with ur molester so why now? Pls go n take several seats smwhere ______/ its ur type dt rily baffle me daily with ur sense of reasoning.

Are you in love?in a relationship with him?desperate?doe he have money?no other bf/fiance/suitor?I dont see the dilema here..You seek advice when you are torn, not when its clear cut. If he abused you and you got into a relationship where he could propose to you and are still not over it, you should seek counselling for the trauma/stockholm syndrom or prayer, whichever you feel most comfortable with

Are you insane? Are you a learner? If the answers to the question above is NO! Then don't marry him. The cane used 2 flog you when you were young is still close by. He'd abuse you again there's no disputing that. Men never finish na!

Of course you can marry him. Every one of us did some really bad things while growing up (I did worse things myself that I am so ashamed to think about) But you have to be sure he is well matured now and no longer have abusive tendencies.

Ok, I got my voice back now... If I were you I would throw this guy in hell and walk away smiling! He apologised and you think thats it??? If he could abuse you when you were young and defenseless, do you think he is going to change NOW??? He might not abuse you sexually anymore but physically and mentally nko? You will never get past it babe, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!

u r very stupid 4 considering it and 4 asking that question. sumone who abused u and all the children in the compound i guess. marry him so u can be the wife of the man who fingers 8 yrs old girl am certain he will make a good father.when u see him tell him 10 shege for me.

Yaaaah!it is good if you can marry him and that will even make you forgive him. He might have come to his senses and realized his mistake. If you can love him, marry him. May Almighty God guide you alright.

I had a similar experience wen I was in secondary school,I still weep wen I remember what he did to me. Cos I was so young den,to me I can neva have anything to do with such a person again in my life,if u marry him,he will still do it again n again.they r animals

As an abused victim i wouldnt....anyone who can do that to you has no respect for you..and trust me you would suffer more when you get married as he might abuse you more whether physically or sexually or even your daughter if you have one......the fact your asking you know its wrong.....you need therapy to heal first before marriage....how do you know if your the only one hes done that to/....you know hes past yet you want to marry a paedophile..............my opinion...TERMINATE THAT MARRIAGE, DONT GO ON WITH IT

better pray very well before you attempt such .. he is an abuser an apology cannot change that . please think of your unborn kids he could very well do the same thing to your daugther in future .. abeg no put wahala for your neck oh

Babe talk true its revenge on your mind..as long as u haven't forgotten,everytime he mounts you,you'll have flashes...I still do...Way to go girl..marry him and kill him slooooowly,make him beg for mercy...there are a 1001 ways to do it.

LINDA PLS PERMIT ME TO SAY THIS. SHE IS THE BIGGEST FOOL I HAVE EVER HEARD OF, HOW CAN U FALL IN LOVE WIV SUCH MAN, PREPARE FOR THE WORSE WEN U SAY I DO TO HIM MUNTULA,EWU. ABEGI MAKE WE READ BETTER STORY,I'L RATHER READ ABT COSSY NOW SEF DAN DIS CRAP.

What a question, If i were in ur shoes, I wouldnt marry him.What even moved you to be friends with someone like that in the first place?You shouldnt dignify such a person with ur friendship in the first place.Theres no reason cogent enough to walk down the aisle with him.For him to have abused u at a young age,he would abuse a younger person as well while you are married to him.Sha use ur head,not let ur emotions becloud ur thinking.

Just be rest assured dat u might not be the only person he molested as a child. I'll strongly advice u not to, u can have a son who will inherit dat evil act from his dad( don't knw if dat's possible) but please don't do it! If he was an adult while u where a child den, he stil probably has d potentials to molest some other child even when he's a granpapa, he might molest ur grandchildren! Beware!!!

please don't try it becos you are not going to forget that particular incidence. the scar will always be there and it will hinder your marital joy. secondly how are sure he has changed from his old ways? most times the return back to you becos they are facing some hard times and they might attribute it to the wrong they have done. please prayerfully follow this issue , who know he might be your real husband but don't be faster than God.

please don't try it becos you are not going to forget that particular incidence. the scar will always be there and it will hinder your marital joy. secondly how are u sure he has changed from his old ways? most times they return back to you becos they are facing some hard times and they might attribute it to the wrong they have done. please prayerfully follow this issue , who knows he might be your real husband but don't be faster than God.