Pope Francis Calls on 29 Year Old Father of Four to Admit he is Catholic

Pope Francis released an encyclical this afternoon tited, Givi Mi a Breakum, directed at a single individual, Kevin McDaniel.

McDaniel, despite having four children by the age of 29, swears he is not is not Catholic. However, the Pope still fervently disagrees.

In the encyclical, Francis wrote,

“It isn’t just that he is a father of four at 29. He had a child at age 14. He must have gone to Catholic school and been at the top of his class.“

Givi Mi a Breakum also introduces a number of groundbreaking concepts. On page 687, Francis introduces the concept of, “Facepalmus” to describe how he felt when McDaniel claimed he was not Catholic.

McDaniel was first contacted by the Pope four months ago when he recieved a strange letter in the mail written on parchment with a large wax seal. But this was not the last letter he would receive from the Pope.

“I just ignored the letters, I thought it was a joke at first. but they kept coming,” said McDaniel who received about 200 hand-written Papal letters on parchment with wax seals.

The letters reportedly threatened McDaniel if he didn’t admit he was Catholic. For example, one letter dated April 9th states, “you wouldn’t want to wake up one morning with a black Fiat in your living room… would you?“

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Congrats to Kevin McDaniel for winning our contest awhile back and this was his prize! Stay tuned, there may be more opportunities to have an article written about you in the future!

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