19 Things You Should Never Say To Military Girlfriends

As Adam and I are coming up on our one-year anniversary, I've taken some time to reflect on our relationship — particularly the things people have tried to "tell" me about dating someone in the military.

I don't let my identity revolve around making myself a military girlfriend and the military isn't my life — it's just his job. But it's a job that helped bring us together and, for that, I'm forever grateful. However, I like to identify myself through my own actions, accomplishments and challenges.

But some people just don't get that.

This is an actual compilation of things people have said to me over the course of this year.

1. "So you'll be getting married soon? That's what everyone in the military does, anyways."

While I can't refute the statistics, it's really none of your business what I do or do not do.

2. "How do you feel about resigning yourself to a life of being underpaid and underemployed?"

Holy none of your business, Batman.

3. "People don't want to hire someone they'll only have for a few years — max."

I cringe at this one.

4. "But you never see them."

Well, yeah, while he's in another country. But the rest of the time he has a normal job so I do kinda see him on a normal schedule. That's how jobs work.

5. "Long distance relationships never last and you're no exception."

This one in particular hurts and I probably will never forget this person saying it to me.

6. "Wow. It must be hard being apart."

It's not exactly walking in a winter wonderland and a barrel full of monkeys.

7. "I just don't think you'll be together very long."

This one also still hurts.

8. "So... like, that show 'Army Wives', right?"

I wish. Have you seen Claudia Joy's sense of fashion? Amazing. She's also a lawyer. Beauty, meet brains. But that's a TV show.

9. "Don't worry about him cheating on you, there're no pretty women in the service."

11. "Aren't you afraid he'll be killed?"

He's not missing it, he's just not here. Life is all about how you look at it.

13. "I just don't know how you do it."

I get up, I walk out the door and I live the life God intended me to live — man or no man.

14. "What do you do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"

It's different if you're asking because you're trying to figure out how to occupy your time. It's another story when you're just trying to be nosy.

15. "Well, in my opinion..."

Halt. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. I didn't ask for your opinion.

16. "I would never let my boyfriend be in the military."

Lemme break this down for you. A) this was his choice before I came into the picture. B) this is a choice that he has decided on for himself. And, C) would you let your boyfriend be an accountant? A reporter? A professional video game player? Do you not realize how bratty you sound?

17. "Are you just going to live off him and his income?"

Hi, yes, I work. I have a great job. Two, in case you were wondering. Two that I love very much. Ask me about them because I'd love to tell you what I do for a living.

18. "You will be OK" or "are you sure you're OK?"

The mileage on this one varies but don't ask people you don't know if they're OK because some, like me, will hate you for it. I'm not OK when I look you dead in the eyes and say that I'm not.

Months

AUGUST was nothing but a few glances and a hello. You continued to catch my eye and by the looks of it, I continued to catch yours. All I could think about was how to say hello, how to introduce myself. You caught me by surprise when I found out you already knew who I was before I got the nerve to ask you for your name. You had done your research. I liked that about you.

SEPTEMBER was the beginning of everything. I remember telling myself not to get too attached, to remember that these butterflies have to die sometime. I was too young and too naive to know just how bad this was going to end.

OCTOBER was made up of awkward hugs and coffee dates. It was afternoons spent walking down streets that were red, gold, and orange, forcing myself to like your taste in music hoping that it would make you like me. It was when I started to be something that I’m not.

NOVEMBER was like one big waiting room. Every tick of the clock seemed deafening. You said you wanted to be with me, but your actions did not agree. It confused me how you could match your shirt to your shoes but never your actions to your words. I should’ve listened to the complications and figured out that’s all you would ever be.

DECEMBER was when I should’ve left. It was the first lie. The first guilt trip. It was the first time you told me that you loved me and I got addicted to the way you said it like a prayer.

JANUARY felt like walking on thin ice. You reassured me that everything was fine, that we were fine, but this time I knew that you were lying. Yet I allowed myself to be just another one of your girls. I’ve never experienced anything as fragile as you and I were.

FEBRUARY still feels like a kick to the chest. Everything was happening so fast I couldn’t keep up. You didn't wish me a happy birthday and we didn't do anything for Valentine's Day like we planned. I felt lightheaded most of the time but I didn’t care because you still told me you loved me. I still convinced myself that I believed it.

MARCH felt like a neverending forest fire. You struck the match and when we went up in flames you then questioned why we were in flames. I was crawling around trying to find the safest way out. The smoke filled my lungs and I kept coughing us back up. I finally found the strength to run but the fire must’ve clouded my judgment because I kept looking back. I got addicted to breathing in the remnants of our past.

APRIL was the beginning of a rebirth. With nothing left of who I used to be, I decided it was time to become someone new. I shaped myself into someone who is better without you. I became someone who knows that all she really needs is herself. I may have lost you, but I found myself and that is everything.

If You're In A Relationship For Anybody But Yourself, Break Up

To think that you would be in a relationship for any reason other than it makes you happy sounds dumb when it crosses your mind. You think, "If I'm unhappy, why wouldn't I just leave?" But sometimes it gets hard, especially the longer the relationship has lasted. You start to overthink everything.

Your family knows them — like, your whole family. Grandparents, distant cousins you only see during the holidays, the whole shebang. They like them. They think you're happy with them, and you don't want to let them down. Not only that, but you'll have to have that awkward conversation the next time you see each of them and break the news.

Things get complex the older you get. Your lives intertwine a lot more than just in high school where you'd try to hang out after practice or find a way to walk with each other to class. You start to plan your life around their life, and vice versa. You don't want to disrupt the pattern, the flow, and the way of life you've become accustomed to.

You become more focused on making other people happy with your love life, whether that's friends who have looked up to your relationship, their friends that you've grown to like, or even just your parents. Your life isn't even really your life anymore at that point — it's everyone else's.

You need to live your life for yourself, and that includes your relationships as well. If you're unhappy with the love situation you're in, you need to leave it. You don't need to justify your decisions to anyone other than yourself. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone but yourself.

You deserve to be happy, whether that's with someone else or just being single and finding out who you are alone. Your life is your life, no one else's, and your love life will improve immensely when you are genuinely happy with who you're with, or lack thereof.