Life is funny

posted January 17th, 2019 at 11:43 PM

There was something online ...who was the biggest male star the year you're born. I looked at who was my age. I then looked at an actor who is the same ages as a guy I have a crush on. Seeing the two from an outside perspective made me think. I wondered what the comparative would be if my crush was my age and I was older. I looked up the actor that was as many years older as my crush was younger. When I did, I thought that the older star was cute enough for a fling but eventually the age difference would be such that would not last for anything long term. I'd still have energy and life and he would not. Also, I imagine that the sexual chemistry would drop. After a certain age I'd be too old looking to be attractive. And just like that, I realized my crush was silly. The age difference looked weird when seeing it in strangers. It's not a creepy difference but enough that it would become apparent...both now to outsiders and moreso down the road. Seeing two strangers of the same ages brought things into clear focus. It was bittersweet and revelatory. What I saw helped make it easier to begin the process of moving on. To add to this, I imagined we were both tops as I actually am, and since I am, there's no way it could work if he was. Imagining that possibility helped the turnoff factor. Then the experience factor. The kid has none that I know of. Yup. I'd have to navigate years of their being self conscious, full of angst and fear and the weird reactions as they slowly come out to themselves overcoming all the Christian doctrine they have ingrained in their lives. Oh, the whole thing is a mess. And like that, I realized I need to be with someone my age range and at my level sexually. I need a man who's got courage, both to own their desires and to fearlessly pursue them, and that means being at a basic level of being out, if only to yourself. I didn't think I could do it, but I think I just crushed the fondness I long held for my crush. Wow. Lesson learned. Stick with what's age appropriate and experience similar. Less complications and far less heartache. Hmph. Isn't that something? I have a lot to think about now.

15 Comments

Honestly...

Jan 18, 2019 at 12:22pm

I think you're just going to continue obsessing about them, and they're going to continue on living their life without you. Your ego is better suited for someone your own age, and maybe even younger. I don't think you can handle a partner that's lived a lot more life than the sheltered existence you have known.

Isn’t that something?

Jan 18, 2019 at 2:31pm

No.

You have a small minded view of how life works. And now you’ve managed to convinced yourself to close the door on someone who could be the love of your life. Your post is incoherent and your thinking around this is shallow. Life and love are much bigger and more complex than that.

@Honestly

Jan 18, 2019 at 2:32pm

ROFL LOL... your ignorance is completely forgiven! Sheltered I am most definitely not, and thanks for the laugh!Faithful, that's what I was. I actually choose older usually and they work well. I refused long term as a choice and was always bored of younger guys. One guy was an exception in age and in consideration but now I've come to my senses. Thanks!

Anonymous

@Isn't

Jan 19, 2019 at 1:10am

Nnnnnnope. So much I'm not telling and I don't care to 'cause I want to move on upward. Totally aware of the complexities...I've lived them. Could be the love of my life? Ha! The "love of my life" has had long enough to reveal itself through acting the way I would have...a few decades ago when I was inexperienced and letting ego, pride and public opinion control one's life. He revealed himself as an ill fit due to age difference by what was not said, what was not done.Distance allowed sentimentality to fade so reason and logic could prevail. I gave him room and choice. I put it out there honestly. And in the distance, life held up a pretty good mirror that I was finally able to see once emotion stopped clouding my judgment.Healthy love doesn't show disregard. It communicates. My immaturity coddled false hope, & that was wrong on my part. I grew up. If anything, your romantic notion seems immature.BTW, life does work this way. People meet, can connect but not take it anywhere. Some aren't at the same levels. And age differences, like different generational perspectives that don't always agree and approaches to life that don't mesh when put to the test, are just that. You might see people couple off that have age differences but I bet you can't find any who stayed together long. Maybe a rare example of two. Most don't last for reasons you label as shallow but seriously, the gay community is all about looks and men judge with their eyes. I'm just being realistic. Age will be a factor regarding longevity in this case. From what I experienced in this case, there was no real equality here, just competition of wills and a one-sided giving of communication. Like parents asking a teen "how's school?"; too much effort to get so little back. Too much work. No reward. Poor investment that didn't pay off.I know about love. Right now there is love...as in self-respect and loving myself enough to choose to open my eyes and walk away. I will always have memories of feelings that never completely dies. The reality is that it was just a lopsided crush, padded with hope and now I see nothing substantial anymore and age was at its root. I'll be open to what has a realistic chance: age appropriate choices. As he comes into his own he will too (or not; he could be quite happy coasting through life as is), with someone who can identify at a similar development stage.

@OP

Jan 19, 2019 at 7:46am

As a straight female, I totally agree with you: too many people idealize romantic love, and put the object of their affection on a pedestal. They make decisions based on lust, libido, hormones, etc, instead of being rational and realistic. A lot of relationships are doomed to fail in a very predictable manner. Younger people have a higher tolerance for drama but as we get older and experienced, it might not be worth it.

@OP

Crushes are silly

Jan 19, 2019 at 10:46am

"Someone who could be the love of your life" and "life and love are much bigger and complex than that" yet they are the incoherent one? Crushes aren't real. They are fictional and even the person who has the crush realizes the fictional elements of it but is holding on for whatever reason it may be - insecurity, anxiety, worthlessness. Meaningful real relationships with someone who can actually value you as a person are so much better.

Possibly

Jan 19, 2019 at 1:58pm

You did not communicate with him . Maybe he tried cause he loves you so much , but was met with hostile and overwhelming anger. So even after that he tries again because if she is not fucking worth it no one is and again pain. The kind of pain that makes you cry by yourself confused, hurt and wanting understanding so badly you probably kill for it. Not really but you see how much someone might want to have clarity about the way another is coming out towards them.

? 4 @isn't

Jan 19, 2019 at 3:35pm

If the other man was the OP's love of his life, where is he? Why isn't he doing anything to fight for his true love?If I knew deep down that I loved someone and felt this was my soul mate, the "one", or however you want to name it, I would waste no time at all to talk to them. Really! I'd have every counterarguement lined up, my best sales pitch, you name it. I'd actually fight for my love. I'd show him with actions. I'd do what it takes to prove it.That's why I'm wondering. Where is the OPs true love? Maybe the other man doesn't love him. The other man doesn't seem to be doing anything to fight for love. In fact, it looks like he's not even trying. That's what I'm getting from this.OP is letting go of a losing proposition, I think. I hope he finds that. Maybe he has a point, to focus on someone more relatable. I'm getting from this post that his last choice was too young to have the same values about pursuing, nurturing and protecting love.Good luck, OP. I hope that you find your true love because everyone should. Or better, I hope your true love finds you fast!

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