Another broadside from Herr Prof Van Nathaniel Winter-Wartson. Published today, his new research paper Pastarian Explosions.

This well known and respected scientist's latest work sees a departure from his normally carefully constructed experimental proofs. The paper includes some experimental evidence (see pressure cookers) but is largely based on extrapolated theory.

By a stunning extension of Knot Theory, vNW-W has shown that for any given value of KT (Knot Tension) there will be an equal and opposite effect at a distance relative to the PCP (Pressure Cooker Pressure), modified by the velocity of Dark Matter and Temperature of Water as a coefficient of Noodly Density. Further, the Number of Noodles, expressed as N(1-N)*10, will directly contribute to the number, position and force of the explosions.

His main conclusion is therefore based on a relatively new expression:

O = N(1-N)*10 : x((KT+P) / F ) * ND : PCP/(KT-TW)

From this it is but a short step to his proposal that for multiple O there must have been several Big Bangs in many places at the same instance and an even larger number in all places at all times. Thus when Time implodes to a singularity the FSM will be observed.

Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

Poincare's Stepchild wrote:Speaking of knot theory...would HIS noodly appendages constitute a rational tangle?...And if so, what would the number be for its Conway notation?

We wil never be able to figure out if there is rationality behind the tangle. However, to the standards of the infinite wisdom of the FSM all is rational to the FSM. To us mere pirates and pastafarians it is not. To us it is a knot. That's why the knot theory is such a knot.

A new publication by Herr Professor Nathaniel Winter-Wartson. This looks to be heading for the best sellers list. Don't be misled by the title. This is a book to read at one sitting as once you put it down there is no guarantee you will ever pick it up again, as the title implies:

"Instability and Unreliability in Homo Sapiens: debunking the myths".

Prof. W-W spent 6 months living with a family of Homo Sapiens observing their behaviour. The conclusions he reached have stunned the world and experts are predicting major social change as people adjust to the new understanding of human nature. This may well be an evolutionary breakthrough.

The initial chapters of this book comprise the Profs notes and images of the Family at rest, work, and play. Don't be put off by the tedious and irritating nature of the material. Take time to notice the minor details. The Prof. then gives a detailed and fascinating analysis, including the statistics summarising his observations. A sample is below:

*all figures are bassed on a period of 26 weeks and four Family members

* 5,650 twitches
* 9,876 leg jerks
* 12,989 incidents of leaving a room without any explanation
* 6,431 incidents of shouting for no apparent reason
* 58 items forgotten to purchase when shopping with a list
* 64 items forgotten to purchase when shopping without a list
* 876,431 being late home
* 230 cases of unplanned illness (2 severe)

The Prof. concludes this section by showing how his observations validate the characteristics of instability and unreliability in Homo Sapiens. The final section of this book then explores how this behaviour forms the lynch pin of Human activity. Without it, he states, for example, Homo Sapiens would never have managed to get up on two feet and walk. The ability to forget items when shopping stimulates the Human into returning to the shop, thereby automatically generating activity where otherwise the Human would become a couch potato.

Prof. W-W concludes that far from being a cause for concern about the health of any individual displaying these characteristics, these traits are built into the brain core and are fundamental to the survival of this species.

Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

The obvious design of the human body to accept pasta and pasta-like foods as a easy source of fuel.

I could do this, for real. But It might take a few hours and some really obscure ingredients.

"Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. Ramen. "
Kanys, On Holy Prayers