Marking the First Anniversary of the Stimulus

You know, I've been racking my brain thinking of what you get someone for a one-year anniversary gift.

I mean, this being the first anniversary of the big stimulus bill, I feel obliged to do something for the president – but what?

After all, he's the president. The guy's got everything you could possibly want. And with all that, he up and announces a present for me; for all of us. Isn’t he incredible? Now, wait until you hear what’s even more incredible – his present.

Two million jobs. Yeah, two million jobs. Well, not two million real jobs. Two million jobs reportedly created or saved, thanks to the stimulus. Which was news to me, since official labor department statistics say that’s about the number of jobs lost since he became president.

Maybe he just got the plus and minus signs mixed up. But who cares? Now the ball’s in my court; and I’m thinking, “What can I do for the president? What can I give him this special day?”

Then, it hit me, like a big old spitball to the head. Because I’m told the traditional one-year anniversary gift is paper.

Which is fitting, when you come to think of it. Since this past year, we've never seen so much paper thrown around – either for thick bills or very thick wads of cash to pay for them.

Idea one: photographs. Perhaps one of that famous magician dude David Copperfield – the guy who could create something out of thin air. The president might like that, since he's pretty good at creating something out of thin air, and even paying for it out of thin air.

Gift idea two: books. Any economics 101 text will do, with emphasis on chapters concerning not spending what you don't have.

Gift idea three: board games. I'm thinking just one – Monopoly.

Gift idea four: stationery. This way, the president can personally dash off a hand-written note to the leaders of China and Japan to implore them to keep buying our debt; maybe signing off with one of those heart drawings and just the word “Barack. “

And gift idea five: tickets. For us, Mr. President: ideally for the first flight, indeed, any flight out of here.