The mystery that is Neil Diamond

Around 1983, I hear a song called “Turn on Your Heartlight.” It is a song about E.T. This is incomprehensible. Neil Diamond falls into a category of musicians I can’t even think about.

But then.

Sometime in high school we are all dancing to the song “Red Red Wine” by UB40. But then someone has to ruin it for me by announcing that Neil Diamond wrote it. Again: incomprehensible.

But then.
In college we all become sort of obsessed by Neil Diamond’s Love at the Greek album, in which he calls his friend Henry Winkler up to the stage to sing a verse of “Song Sung Blue” as the Fonz would sing it. “Come on, bubbie!” shouts Neil. Still incomprehensible.

But then.

Not long ago I’m singing along to “Cracklin’ Rosie” on the oldies radio station. I’m pretty sure it’s Neil Diamond.

So I ask you: what is the mystery that is Neil Diamond? I can’t decide if I love him or hate him. I kind of love him and hate him. Is he actually a musical genius?

The song “Cherry Cherry” is pretty great and, all right, so is “Sweet Caroline” if you just don’t listen to the lyrics (I’m talking about “hurting runs off my shoulder” in case that isn’t clear), but I have always found it hard to know precisely what to think of him. I find myself thinking, He must be a musical genius! but then worry if I actually came out and said this people would seriously laugh at me. I also worry that if I disparage him in any way I will look like a total lunkhead. Can I not appreciate musical genius when I hear it?

Everything is still incomprehensible. Last night, purely coincidentally, my daughters found out that “Neil” was an actual first name, and they laughed and laughed. I guess you don’t hear it much anymore. “Yeah,” I said, “some famous people actually have that name.” But then I realized I just didn’t want to get started in that direction. As they go on their own paths in life, they will find him. And maybe he will finally start to make some sense.