A personal blog of this 76 year old gay man retired to Delaware with his long term partner/husband. My life has been and continues to be a fabulous journey. This blog is my humble attempt to memorialize my past and current life. Yes, this blog is all about me. Each of us is unique and has a story to tell. This is my story. Someday it will be a movie. What a life I've had and the adventure continues! I am on of the lucky ones. I'm still here, making waves.

Saturday, September 05, 2015

Joseph "Jay" Murphy

Today I note the untimely passing of a dear blogger friend, Joseph "Jay" Murphy. Regular readers of my blog will recognize Jay's moniker "Jay in VA". I do not know the details of the circumstances of why Jay decided to end his life. What I do know that he is apparently another victim of the witch hunt atmosphere that is all to pervasive in our society today that if one is accused they're automatically guilty and their life is ruined by public shaming and humiliation. And I will leave that discussion to others.

At this time I will remember Jay's joy of life. The Jay I knew was kind an generous and had a big heart.

Goodbye and I’m Sorry

Fuck me. I am so sorry to be posting this. But I am gone. Permanently.

There is no question that this is devastating to many, many people. But what could have happened to me was more so, I am ashamed to say.

I was accused of a crime, the type of which you can’t fight against. Once accused, always guilty. This effectively ended my life.

I always worried about how I would go. I worried that I would have a heart attack or stroke (I did have all the risk factors) sitting in my desk chair and stay there for days until someone finds me, ruining the already ruined carpet. This way is easier, cleaner, and I got to determine how and when.

I am sorry. Some say this is the coward’s way out. I say I was strong. It took a hell of a lot of strength to do this. To end the public shaming and humiliation that started the moment the raid on my house was posted by a local TV station on the web.

To my blog friends: I knew so many of you from day 1 of my blogging and coming out, 5 years ago. Every one of you helped me in that tremendous challenge. Early on, or later, it doesn’t matter. I can’t thank you enough. I also know so many of you in person. One of the greatest things ever was to make new friends here, then turn them into real life friendships. Now that is ruined.

To all of my friends on Facebook who will see this: Again, I am soooo sorry. I’ve known many of you since we were teens. You mean the world to me. I pray God will forgive me my sins.

I am leaving the blog up. I don’t know why. But I won’t be back.

(It will disappear when the hosting fees fail to get paid, probably in about 5-7 months.)

21 comments:

I posted comments on your Facebook page thinking Jay suffered a health crisis. Never never thought it would be what it apparently was. I am truly without words, my thoughts are jumbled, but I have a heavy feeling that is invading my whole body right now.RIP Jay.

Jack,Although I wasn't a close friend of Jay's, I did like him. He was a very gregarious character. I felt sorry for him that he felt he had to live his life in a closet. I often urged him to be true to himself but he wasn't having any of it. I'm sorry this ended the way it did for him.Ron

Jon,I too am shocked and upset. But I can understand why Jay felt that suicide was the only way out. Life is tough, as you well know. Some of us make it, and some don't. At least Jay is at peace now and his turmoil and pain and humiliation are at an end.Ron

That is too bad, but I like his attitude about it. The morbid part of me wonders how he did it, since he mentions "easier" and "cleaner". I happen to have a few methods I will consider using myself, when the time comes, hopefully quite a distance into the future. Condolences to his family and many friends. ~~ NB

I was actively cultivating a friendship with Jay, so the recent events have left me devastated.

He really seemed like he was getting his life together. He had reunited with his friend in Asheville (which seemed really promising.) I was so happy that he was having success with his CPAP machine...I thought this could open up the whole world for him.

I was really close to the point where I was going to bust his chops about his diet and losing weight...I think even if he could have lost 50 lbs he would have been ecstatic...and everything could have 'snowballed' in this favor.

Like you, I was fortunate enough to have met Jay, and mourn for all the good times we didn't get to spend together.

:-)

-Andy

(ps, also wanted to mention that ROSMY in Richmond was one of Jay's favorite causes...I don't think it was mentioned in the newspaper notice.)

Andy,I too am curious how Jay ended his life. If I find out I'll let you know. Jay was a good-looking man and a very gregarious personality. Who knows what his life would have been like had he lost fifty or so pounds. I thought the same thing myself.Ron

This hit me hard... as living in the same city and the last time we spoke was when he was sitting next to me at my birthday celebration in July.... I will be there for all of his blogger friends who cannot make to the service Sunday. RIP Jay

Kelly,You were a lot closer to him than I was. It is hard for me to imagine what a devastating loss this is for you. Thank you for being at Jay's memorial service for all his blogger friends, of which he had many. Everybody liked Jay, that fact is indisputable.Ron

Although I'd had no contact with Jay, Ron, since I first read about this on other blogs it's been hovering above like dark cloud - so I can only imagine what it's like for those who did know him one way or another. My commiserations and condolences to all who were in his circle. Very sad.

But, (to rather violently shift gears), do enjoy the end of your sojourn in your northern neighbour. (Canada, I mean, not Pat - though him also).

Ray,You would have liked Jay. Everyone did. He had a very gregarious personality. That's why his passing and the method of his passing is such a shock to everyone.Yes, my Northern Sojourn is ending, sad to say.Ron

Hi Ron, I just wanted to let you and all know, that I did talk to Jay ONE week ago. After Spo called and left a voice mail concerned about one of Jay's blog post. It seems that somebody, he's not sure who accused him of a heinous crime. One with no defense and even if nothing is found a person is still guilty, the whole J' accuse thing. I don't know how he took his own life Wednesday morning. Or were he did it or who found him, it's just a very bad deal all around and monumentally sad. I've spent the last few day thinking about a tribute to Jay and his life on my blog. The man I knew, even if it was for a very short time. Randy.

Randy,I don't know the details but I do know we have a "j'accuse" witch hunt mentality in this country now especially as it comes to publicly shaming and humiliation of a person who isn't even accused of anything. What is with the news cameras and the publishing of names? How can those responsible for such behavior sleep at night? Ton

Sweet February

I am a 76 year old gay man who retired to Delaware eleven years ago from Pennsylvania with my partner now husband of 53 years. We left Pennsylvania to escape the ever increasing high taxes for the more tax friendly state of Delaware. Now living on a fixed income supplemented by a part-time job as a front desk agent at a local hotel, we are making the most of our declining years. We've both had a fabulous life but we are slowing down now but still having a wonderful life. This blog I write is partly for my own therapy and to share and make friends with others out there in the universe.