Justin Fox makes minicomics: Earth Minds Are Weak, 21st-Century Depression Comics and I Dreamed of You and Mr. Eybyaninch. All with Cliff Face Comics.
This is his work blog.

Friday, July 04, 2008

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!

I know it's late, but I made you a mix, baby. When I get around to it, maybe I'll make you a muxtape or something. For now, you'll have to hear it at my place or on my ipod. Here's a candle for each of your 50 states. Districts, Protectorates, Embassadorial Properties, Military Bases, Prisons, Territories and Occupied Lands do not count. The songs are listed in their state's order of entry into the union.

1. DELAWARE — PERRY CUOMOWhat did Delaware? She wore a brand New Jersey. Why did California? She called to say Hawaii. This song is like a mission statement. Thanks, Delaware, for having no other distinguishing features worth singing about!

2. PENNSYLVANIA 6-5000 — THE ANDREWS SISTERSThe album art you get on itunes for The Andrews Sisters' Greatest Hits of the 20th Century album is three flames in the shape of women dancing. They also have the sexiest harmonies ever put to record. Pennsylvania, you don't deserve so good. But I can't quit you.

3. I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU — BON JOVIAs Sean Connery said, "They named the album New Jersey."

4. GEORGIA ON MY MIND — RAY CHARLESNo one can deny this choice, even those who say it's too obvious.

5. TIME TO PRETEND — MGMTWell, they're from Connecticut. Also, this song is all about how these guys know they're cunts from Connecticut. Also, it's quite enjoyable. And, hey, Georgia on Mind! Right?

6. MORE THAN A FEELING — BOSTONDo the classic rock stations still do "Top 500 Songs to Keep Your Dad Happy" marathons? Are there still classic rock stations?

7. HOLD ME! SQUEEZE ME! — THE ORIOLESThey invented Doo Wop, apparently. They are named after Maryland's state bird. This song is fun.

8. LIVING IN AMERICA — JAMES BROWNI almost made Virgina's entry "James Brown is Dead." But this song is awesome, is a 4th of July staple, and it's the theme song to Rocky IV. This song will break you.

9. NEW HAMPSHIRE — SONIC YOUTHI wish Sonic Nurse wasn't SY's 800-millionth album, because I bet I would listen to it more. Um... they made a song called New Hampshire. You're welcome.

10. VIRGINIA PLAIN — ROXY MUSICYou can't not like this song. I love this song.

11. FAIRYTALE OF NEW YORK — THE POGUESDisclaimer: I heard this song was banned by the BBC because it contains one of the most offensive words ever — faggart. Also, this is really a Christmas song, I guess. I don't care about either issue.

12. JESSE DON'T LIKE IT — LOUDON WAINWRIGHT IIII decided against SY's Chapel Hill to avoid to much repetition. I thought I had a song called "Piss Christ," but I guess I don't. This song is about North Carolina's favorite son. And the 80s just took another step toward death.

14. MOONLIGHT ON VERMONT — CAPTAIN BEEFHEARTUh... it has Vermont in the title! I don't know. I don't even like Captain Beefheart that much. But it's Vermont. What're you gonna do?

15. KENTUCKY COCKTAIL — PAVEMENTI own three songs with Kentucky in the title. This one is by Pavement. It wins.

16. RING OF FIRE — JOHNNY CASHI had to pick a Cash song for Tennessee. I picked this one.

17. HERE TO GO — DEVOI thought about giving this slot to Modest Mouse's Ohio. I really did. But DEVO! I also considered using Freedom of Choice for the obviousness of it, but Here to Go is my favorite Devo song. And they're all about America.

18. WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN — LOUIS ARMSTRONGYup.

19. DON'T STOP TILL YOU GET ENOUGH — MICHAEL JACKSONDid you know Michael Jackson was from Gary, Indiana? Man, that doesn't even sound close to correct.

22. SWEET HOME ALABAMA — LYNARD SKYNARDI debated using Neil Young's far superior Alabama that sparked this song. But then I said, "FUCK CANADA!" And then the dogs downstairs started barking. They must be Canadian dogs. Do they make dogs in Canada? Stupid terrorists.

27. SWEET DREAMS — MARILYN MANSONWhen I started making this list, Modest Mouse's Florida occupied the Florida spot. Then I remembered that Marilyn Manson is from Florida. I love this cover and I don't care what you think, pops!

28. LUCKENBACH, TEXAS (BACK TO THE BASICS OF LOVE) — WAYLON JENNINGS & WILLIE NELSONI had a rule that I wouldn't repeat any musicians on this list. Then Willie Nelson broke that rule. Twice. But this is really a Waylon Jennings song, right?

29. (515) — SLIPKNOTI have a bunch of Slipknot albums back from when I was feeling old and trying to get into what the kids were all into. This is the shortest song on an album called Iowa. There really weren't a lot of choices outside of this album. Iowa, wow.

30. ADD-IT-UP — VIOLENT FEMMESHey, Iowa! Wisconsin made you look bad 24 years ago! Come on! Make some sweet corn-husk music or something!

31. CALIFORNIA LOVE — DR. DRE & 2PACYou know, sometimes I forget Dr. Dre is a fuckin' California state treasure. He calls his state untouchable like Elliot Ness. Then he makes rhymes about Liberace AND Sassoon jeans. This is all while outshining one of the greatest MCs ever. They should build a gold statue of Dre holding a key to California in the City of Compton.

32. SEXY M.F. — PRINCEThis wasn't my favorite Prince song until it provided the soundtrack for a stay in Florida. Now it will represent Minnesota.

33. LITTLE BABIES — SLEATER-KINNEYI always forget the title of this song, but I love it. Oregon!

34. CARRY ON WAYWARD SON — KANSASThe song that got me thinking I could make a list with one song representing each state. I was stretching the idea even before i had it!

35. THIRTY FIVE — KARMA TO BURNThis is a post-metal band from West Virginia. I never heard of them before tonight. They're interesting. It actually sounds exactly like what Appalachian Post Metal would sound like. Hillbilly Instrumental Metal. I chose this song entirely because it was titled Thirty Five.

36. PRETTY VEGAS — INXSI voted for this guy online after hearing this song. I never thought I would vote online for a replacement for Michael Hutchence cast from a reality tv show. There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin.

37. FLAMES OVER NEBRASKA — PERE UBUI was trying really hard not to use the same musicians twice. Really hard. Still, this is a pretty good Pere Ubu song.

38. DENVER — WILLIE NELSONAnd then I threw the baby out to get at that good bathwater. This song is 53 seconds long. Willie Nelson was like the Napalm Death of Outlaw Country.

39. NORTH DAKOTA — LYLE LOVETTI actually think of Lyle Lovett first as an bit actor, then as Cindy Crawford's husband and THEN as a singer. This is the first of his songs I've ever owned.

40. RAPID CITY, SOUTH DAKOTA — KINKY FRIEDMANThis is from a recorded live set that was banned from tv in the seventies. I guess i need to learn more about Kinky Friedman.

41. MEDLEY: BLUE ROCK MONTANA/RED-HEADED STRANGER — WILLIE NELSONI like Willie a lot, but I wouldn't have broken the rules if Colorado and Montana could get some state music. Just make a song about mountains and call it Denver Tits or write an ode to ranching and call it Capital of Montana. See? This is easy.

42. ABOUT A GIRL — NIRVANAOr, you ncould make music and just BE from the damn state.

43. PRIVATE IDAHO — B-52sOH! Or you could get the B-52s to make a song about your state. I'm sure they like money. I could've used Built to Spill here as well.

44. SONG OF WYOMING — JOHN DENVERI wanted to use Denver for New Mexico (he was born IN ROSWELL!!!!), but Wyoming needed him more.

45. SALT LAKE CITY — THE BEACH BOYSThe Beach Boys were responsible for some of the best songs ever. They also wrote a song about Disneyland. And a song about Salt Lake City, Utah.

46. PSYCHIATRIC EXPLORATIONS OF THE FETUS WITH NEEDLES — FLAMING LIPSOklahoma! Sooners! Okies! If there's an awesome hell down below, at least three of you are all gonna go!

47. SANTA FE — LIGHTNIN' HOPKINSNo one has loved New Mexico since Lighnin' Hopkins. NO ONE.

48. BY THE TIME I GET TO ARIZONA — PUBLIC ENEMYMaybe next year I'll be nice, Arizona. Although, you gotta admit, it's a great song.

49. ANCHORAGE — MICHELLE SHOCKEDIn this drunken state (appropriately, I come to Alaska), I feel like the only person amongst my circle of friends that didn't have a Michelle Shocked album. I don't know if that's even remotely true, but it feels true. Now I have one song.

50. THEME FROM HAWAII FIVE-O — MORTON STEVENSA reliable source tells me this is the state song of Hawaii. Morton Stevens is from Newark, New Jersey. Look how small the world is all of a sudden!

THAT'S IT, AMERICA! YOU GOT ME DRUNK AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME AND I WENT DOWN ON ALL YOUR FIFTY STATES! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAVE A PINCH TO GROW AN INCH!

2 Comments:

Why do you think of Lyle Lovett as Cindy Crawford's husband? Maybe b/c Richard Gere and Julia Roberts seemed like the obvious couple after Pretty Woman, and you felt bad for their spouses and thought they'd do ok together?