sporadic Nintendo griping

intendo Story Time Part 2: Mario Murdered

It was a cold dark rainy night in Redmond, Washington in the Red Mushroom District. Why Mario was in such a scandalous part of town is still up to questioning, however when Ness arrived at the scene to investigate the murder with magnifying glass in hand when Reggie’s men in black suits drug him away saying “Sorry sir, you had your chance once. You have to go back to Japan”. Who imported Ness illegally is also up for question but for now we must move on.

Since there are so many connections with Mario the person to lead the investigation must be from off the radar. Someone like…

Tingle?

Tingle arrives on the scene carrying a bag stuffed with maps and random sex toys and fairy dust…err…confetti.

When Reggie’s white men in black suits approach tingle strikes them in the eyes with “fairy dust” and attaches balloons to their belts and they float away.

Tingle approaches the body of the fallen pop culture icon.

“Hmmmmm”

ponders Tingle as he takes many notes on his Fairy Hand Held that resembles a GBA SP with a odd penis shaped antenna.

“The victim seems to have suffered a blow to the head, hmmm, and it seems that he has a Wiimote beside him covered in blood. The batteries are dead. He has also suffered multiple small circular burn wounds in the chest and arm. It appears that he has 3 or 4 hickies on his neck. One of them is so severe he has a chunk taken out of his neck. It looks infected… Most peculiar, one of his shoes is missing. His mouth is open and his eyes closed like…he was singing karaoke. The way his body fell seems he came out of this bar and fell dead. Witnesses in the bar said he was drunk when he left the bar but was not injured. They heard a sound resembling something they heard on the original pack in game for the NES, Super Mario Brothers. The sound of death.”

Tingle asks the police for the 911 tape, since the person who called is no longer around. In a… statuesque pose, he listens to the tape recorder:

911: “911 how can i help you?”Luig: “hello, is this 911?”911: “Yes it is sir, how can i help you?”Luig: “Hi this is Luig Mario. Well my brother, Mario, walked out of the Viper Room, Johnny Depp’s club, about 20 minutes ago and collapsed on the sidewalk. I tried to see if he was breathing, but i can’t tell. He took in a lot of drugs i think. His chest is pulsating, i dunno. Um, me and his girlfriend were with him when he walked out. I can’t tell if he’s sleeping now or what but he’s not moving. I think he’s gonna need an ambulance. Can you send an ambulance? I don’t think he’s breathing. Um, yea, please send an ambulance, i don’t think he’s breathing right now. There’s blood all over his shirt. I think his mouth is foaming. Please, send an ambulance.”