MARION — Women may be coming into their own as leaders in today's business world, but, in moments of uncertainty, some still covet the skills of their male counterparts.

Modeling behavior after men is a tactic some women consider when seeking better strategies to achieve their goals, according to Denise Porche, executive director of the Island Foundation in Marion.

But there's a better way, she said.

Porche leads a group of female nonprofit executive directors who meet quarterly to share information, strategies and tools for effective leadership. When women express a desire to have a more masculine style of leadership, what they're really saying, she said, is that they want to be more effective.

"When they say that, what I hear is that they're really just seeking strategies to accomplish what they want and that there's this absence of knowledge about strategies to accomplish their goals," said Porche. "So they think they need to revert to a masculine way, or this aggressive, assertive way, in order to be heard and have their needs met."

Porche believes women, like men, need a toolbox for leading effectively; but, one that suits their own style. It's one of the reasons she started the CEO group in 2011, after hearing many of the same leadership concerns from the area's top female nonprofit leaders.

"They want to know how to be more effective, because they're seeing males achieve their goals in meetings by being assertive and aggressive," she said.

But Porche believes women don't need to lead like men to be effective.

"You don't have to be a bull in a china closet to be heard," she said. "There are different ways and strategies."

The 15 to 17 executive directors who attend the Island Foundation CEO Group use the meeting to share strategies they've used successfully and to role play new tactics. Although Porche declined to identify them individually, she said members range in age from 30 to 70 and represent many of the non-profit leaders in the greater New Bedford area.

"I think women have to practice speaking up and speaking out and there are some tools out there and some strategies about how to do that," she said. "Not everyone is comfortable doing that, but I think you have to practice. I think you have to trust that it's going to fall on ears where you're going to get support in that room."

Offering conscious support to other women is one way women can get where they want to be, Porche said. It's a skill many men have developed to perfection.

"I noticed when there are meetings with powerful men from the community, in these meetings they'll make a suggestion about something, and in absolute unison, it happens so unconsciously, every man around the room will go agreed, agreed, agreed, agreed. And then they'll go on to the next subject. They don't even have to say anything substantive; it's just this thing that happens in rapid fire," she said. "But when a woman will speak up and say something, they're challenged. Or a man will repeat exactly what she just said and another guy will go, 'Oh yes, agreed. We'll do that Johnny.' And give no credit to the woman."

But women can change that by supporting each other, Porche said.

"Women need to recognize that that happens in a meeting and that when a woman says something, don't just sit there and let her flounder and let silence unfold," said Porche. "You need to be conscious of it and you need to do exactly what they do. You need to say, 'Yes, Jane that was a good idea and let's say that Jane will carry that through and do that.' And then you all need to go agreed."

A therapist by training, Porche initiated the CEO group after hearing similar concerns from many of the Island Foundation's grantees during site visits. Non-profit executive directors, mostly women, were asking about issues related to sexism, pay increases, work and life balance, and more, Porche said.

"I thought they each possessed a lot of the knowledge within themselves. They just needed the support to get it out there," said Porche. "It was just a matter of having enough space and a venue to do that in a way that they felt safe."

"It's lonely at the top," she added. "It's isolation. Who are they going to go to with their problems? They're not going to go to their staff. They're not going to go to their board. Some are not fortunate enough to have a good president of the board (someone who is) really mature, really skilled, and able to give that good concrete feedback to the executive director."

Over time the group developed levels of trust and cooperation that enables them to share power and cooperate with each other in new ways and Porche foresees a day when the women won't need scheduled meetings anymore because support will happen automatically.

"They don't want to hear this but I know this for a fact that at some point they will all outgrow this format and that's the goal," she said with a smile. "That's the goal."