WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

Conflict's as inevitable a part of life as...pooping and peeing (you probably thought we were going to say death and taxes. Nope, not us.)

How we handle conflict can have a lot to do with how we feel. Some of us run head first into it and some of us run away from it like a coming storm.

What about you - do you deal with it head on; let it fester; swlallow it whole and never address it? Does it matter who the conflict is with? Are you more or less likely to deal with it if it's at hom,e, a friend, at work? Any tips from any of you guys on how you deal with it productively? Conflict...let's #discuss.

I think we can all agree, sometimes some people suck. This story is one of those times:

A good friend of mine lied to his friends and the guy I've been dating about sleeping with me. I just want to know why. I don't understand. It really, really hurts me, and it makes me feel sick, used, and betrayed. {end story}

This ever happen to you...where someone, let alone a good friend, made up a story about you...somethingthat was so false and hurtful and left you wondering wny and WTF? What happened? How;d you deal with it? How'd you get past it - or haven't you?

If you haven't, we say let it go. it's doing nothing good for you. But either way, share your story here, won't you?

There's so much about this story sent us by one of you we think is important, let's just let her do the talking:

I don't know if I'm upset right now. Or even if I should be.

I hopped on the BF's laptop to check email this morning (his was on and I was lazy enough to not want to turn mine on) and saw he had some... ahem... visual aids... up in the tabs. Now, we have frequently used porn of various kinds as foreplay ("Do you like this? Why? Why not?") so me checking out what was selected has positive precedent with us.

But these were all "Barely Legal!" and "All Horny Teens!" sites... Not the usual variety pack of mid/latetwenties, obviously adult bodies. Im willing to enjoy the blanket assumption that all of these girls are fully legal and do this to support their own, noncoerced sexuality, but all I can see is the girls in the teen Girl Scout troop I volunteered with last year. I texted him to ask about it (nicely, I swear) and he called not ...

I was in an abusive relationship for four years and it's taken me another four to deal with it after all the denial. I've been with my partner for almost three years and he really helped me come to terms with what happened.

It's been a relief to deal with it, but now I feel like I can't mention it to him, or else it means I'm not over it. I'm having a really hard time setting sexual boundaries with him because of it and some innocent things will make me feel terrible - but I can't tell him. This is just so stupid. How do I say I'm over it while still asserting myself as a survivor??? {end story}

(story submitted as a comment, by Lana a Chestist, and reposted here, now)

The writer first posted this as a comment to our story on Mothers, and what they teach us about ourselves - for good and ill. Here's her story:

When I was 14, my mom told me that, for her, 130 lbs was "big." At that time, I weighed about 165 lbs. In that moment, I wanted to kill myself.

She wasn't telling me to lose weight, she was expressing her own dissatisfaction with her body. My mom has a curvy hourglass figure - she's wears a 32DD Bra and size 12 pants. Her waist is tiny but she has our family's hips bodacious booty. My whole life, my mother talked about food, and she still does. She decides to "hate" foods that have "too much fat," like cheesecake, which, I recently found out, she actually loves but told me that she hated it my whole life. She won't even drink a latte because it has "too much milk." She has been on Weight Watchers my entire life and when we went around the table ...

...although i have many great people who are willing to talk to me or just listen. im so tired of them acting like they know how i feel or that its gonna get better. IM. SO. TIRED. OF. IT. because they dont! they dont know how it feels to be scared coming home from school, or being embarassed to have your friends over because your dads passed out in the living room, etc. and STOP TELLING ME ITS GONNA GET BETTER. because its not! the only way its gonna get better is if he wants to get better and he doesnt. he doesnt. so no dont tell me you know how it feels. i get that everyone has problems but no one should have to live with this because it SUCKS. it really does...the thing is, my mom and i both want to leave but we cant unless we want to be broke...how do i cope with this...i dont know what to do and i want it all to stop. {end story}

I talked my husband into recommending my BFF for a job at his company, the best job she's ever had, and she got him fired.

She stopped speaking to us after she got the job and began her own agenda. We've just purchased a house and have a special needs child at home so our savings is all gone. I have so much hurt, anger and hatred in my heart for her I can't sleep. I just don't understand how someone that we helped out could be such a self centered, egotistical, selfish person.

I've lost trust in everyone, and don't believe a word anyone says anymore. I'm surprised that my husband has forgiven me for ever introducing her into our lives. I just have to get this "off my chest". {end story}

There's probably little that can hate on your happy more than the betrayal of a friend, unless that betrayal also hurts your husband and your family. Not cool. Have you ever been backstabeed like our writer? have you ever done the backstabbing? How'd you ...

I've just broken up with the most dishonest person I've ever known. I look back and can see so many lies told. None of them were huge in and of themselves. All of them add up to huge and to it being so clear I can't trust this guy at all. So many little lies. Too many.

I always had had a sense, and then when I caught him in the first lie I didn't do anything. I should have. Then once that one was clear and out, all the others become easier to see until it became intolerable. I think it should have been intolerable a long time ago. It makes me angry at myself for being so desperate for something to work that I totally ignored that it wasn't and couldn't.

Part of me wants to tell everyone we know what a liar he is. I won't though. Now I'm out and moving on, and I will not make the same mistake again. Liars suck. {end story}

My friend decided to fool around with a guy friend of hers. He told everyone about it and her reputation is down the toilet. His, on the other hand, has never been better. It's unfair how girls are condemned for the same things that guys are praised for. {end story}

We shared another sexual double standard story earlier this week. There's no denying the double standard exists, but let's spend more time on why it's so. Why does her reputation suffer while his is enhanced ~ all for doing the same thing? Penises and vaginas, let's discuss.

My whole life I've basically loved my dad more than my mom. I feel horrible for sharing that. i mean i love them the same i just showed the love more to my dad. My dad was scary at times but i just couldn't help but love him still and when he was nice and sweet it reassured my love. He paid for everything, always was the man of the house. he was strict and i never wanted to get him mad, and you know what writing this now actually has made me realize that maybe i loved him more or cared for him more because he had expectations and my mom didn't.

It was almost like a challenge to stay within his love lines i guess you can say, i didn't want to cross that line and have him be disappointed. that was life up to a month or so ago. It turns out he's been seeing another woman behind my mom's back. Everything just stopped. i didn't want to be loved by him any more. there ...

I'm not a mind reader. I don't know what you want or are thinking unless you tell me. I can try my hardest to figure it out. I can guess and look for the signals but I can not read your mind. I do not know why you expect me to. It is not fair. {end story}

We don't know who in her life Michelle's talking about, but we do know that sometimes some people think that if they think it we should get it just through osmosis. We can all also be guilty of doing the same thing ourselves every now and agin, no? You ever expect anyone to read your mind? Anyone in your life expect you to be reading theirs (partners, bosses, husbands, friends...). Do tell.

I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship.
Sometimes I feel ok about it, but on days like today it gets me down. I've dated but never really come close to being with anyone. I've never even slept with the same person twice and sex is generally a soulless experience when you don't give a damn about the person you're with and know they don't really care about you.
Most of my closest friends have been in and out and back in relationships over the years I have known them. I almost feel like my life is at a standstill, no growth, missing out on something that seems to come so easily to everyone else.
It's just so frustrating, especially when I'm given the 'when you least expect it' mantra, because I'm not expecting it and haven't for a long time. I know there's nothing wrong with me, but sometimes I can't help but wan't to ask 'what the hell is wrong with me! why am I always on my own?'..not everyday but on some days..like ...

We were in college when we started dating. I'd had a few boyfriends in HS, but nothing really serious before him. I think he taught me how to be in love.

Now it's 2 years after we graduated and we're still together, I'm just not sure we should be. I tried breaking things off once a year ago and it just didn't work. I think he tried once too but I'm not really sure.

I can't tell if we're supposed to be together or just too scared not to be. {end story}

You ever been in a relationship, could've been romantic or even professional, where the fear of not being together is what kept you from leaving?

In my family we were raised to say things like "thank you", "you're welcome"; "please"; "I'm sorry"; all in the appropriate context of course.

Yes, we were raised with manners, to be polite, and to be respectful of the actions and feelings of others. Even to this day, I have to say "thank you" every time the wait-person refills my water glass, removes a plate, no matter what conversation I wind up interrupting to do it.

Lately I have been struck by how impolite most people are. I don't just mean in social situations or in places like restaurants, but with each other. Ok, maybe it's just with me.

I know it may seem like a little thing, but impolite people really get under my skin. Say thank you. Say sorry. Say I'm going to be late. Say something, anything that acknowledges the situation. Mea culpas and gifts aren't needed, just a little commmon decency and good manners.

One day I'll have kids and I can promise you one thing, they may not be smart, talented or good looking, but they'll be polite. {end story}