– Honesty in Golf (DH,RFR)……. To celebrate their 50 years, the golfing couple booked a weekend at Pebble Beach. On the third tee, the husband said: “Honey, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope that you can forgive me.” The wife was hurt but said, “My dearest, those days are long gone. What we have is far more valuable. I forgive you.” They embraced and kissed. On the seventeenth tee the wife said to her husband, “Honey, since we’re being honest I have something to tell you. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change. I was a man before we met.” The husband went into a fit! He cursed, threw his driver into the water, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes, screamed and ranted, “You liar, you despicable liar! How could you? I trusted you! And to think that you’ve been hitting off the red tees all this time!

– Mars & Venus in Golf (DH,JJ,EY) Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he’d love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning,” Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it,” Number 2 guy says, ” I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures. Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.” They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, is it sex or golf?” She said, “Take a sweater.”

– Froggie the Golf Pro (DS,RS)….. A man takes the day off work to go out golfing. On the second hole he notices a frog sitting next to the green. Just as he is about to shoot he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” The man looks around, doesn’t see anyone, but again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” He looks at the frog, decides to prove the frog wrong and grabs his 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, “Ribbit Lucky frog.” The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks. “Ribbit 3 wood.” The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?” The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas. They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit $3000, black 6.” Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful.” The frog replies, “Ribbit Kiss Me.” He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. “That, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.”

– Pro who teaches the pros at Bellaire Country Club… what he tells them

–your target is not the pole, it is the BALL, don’t take your eyes off the ball or you’ll turn wrong

– Architect of famous course gives tricks to approaching a hole

– —— Golf Packing List

1.

Speed Seed – to repair divots before your partner approaches the tee.

2.

Pail & Shovel – to kill time building sand castles during your afternoon in the sand trap. (This could prove lucrative as onlookers may toss loose change.)

3.

Divining Rod – to steer clear of water traps or to attract lightning (which may serve as an excuse for hitting poorly).