Now listen, I don't normally write about work, but something so embarrassing happened during my first week on the new job that I couldn't not tell you about it, because that would be wrong. I think that's blogging in a nutshell, really: me telling you about the times I did something stupid and you laughing at me.

Wait, with me. I meant with me!

So at my new job, we have what is basically an enormous chat room and it is open to the whole company for the whole time. Working from home, this has been supremely useful for me: I can keep the chat room open, pop in at will, and reach out to someone with a question whenever I need to. It's been invaluable in keeping me connected to the rest of my co-workers, who are all thousands of miles away in a different state.

But on my third day on the job, it all went horribly wrong.

I needed to find my green card, you see, to scan it for a form I had to fill in for HR. My green card was in the living room, and my computer was in the spare bedroom. I got up from my computer, walked into the living room, and started to look for my green card. I was away from my computer for three minutes, tops. During this interval, my cat Sadie jumped up on my desk, settled onto the keyboard, and unwittingly joined the chat room conversation with the whole company.

....and then continued on like that for about four hundred more Qs---and you know I often exaggerate, but I am not exaggerating here---until Sadie must have shifted position a little bit and my contribution to the conversation became even more nuanced:

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...at which point my new co-workers began to get understandably concerned:

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Co-worker 1: WAKE UP, WAKE UP!

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Co-worker 2: WTF?

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Co-worker 3: Apparently she didn't like our conversation.

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Co-worker 4: This is impressive.

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Co-worker 5: Seizure?

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Co-worker 6: Um, does anyone have her phone number?

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Co-worker 7: It just keeps going and going! It's like the Energizer Bunny!

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Co-worker 8: That must be some good acid.

Co-worker 8: Just sayin'

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Holly Burns: Whoa

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Co-worker 1: Cat?

Holly Burns: I just really wanted to tell you guys about the letter Q.

Holly Burns: Uh, yes, cat.

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So that was a great way to make a first impression! I guess I know what they mean now about minding your Ps and Qs when you're new on the job. Or really just your Qs.

(For the record, everyone was super nice and understanding about it. And the next week, when I went into the office to meet them all in person---most for the very first time---I was really tempted to wear a shirt that just had a big Q on the front. And on the back too.)

Now I'm laughing so hard at my office my coworkers think something's wrong with me! But with you of course, only with you. You should have sent Sadie into the office to meet them all with a Q shirt on. But there's always next time, right?

4

Regina Jul 14, 2011

This is by far the best thing I've heard today. Thank you Holly for sharing and letting us laugh with you.

I used to work at a place that had the same thing. If a person was away from their desk for longer than about 5 minutes it would log them out of their entire system requiring a total reboot. I bet you can see where this is going....you guessed it, I accidently sent a message intended for one person to the entire company at 12:30 and most people were at lunch. It was not my best day or career move. At least I wasn't saying something mean about someone which was usually the main reason to use chat. What can I say, I was young.

That's one of the funniest things ever. If it hadn't happened during the first week, the funniness quotient would've dropped severely, so consider this a spot of luck!

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UG Jul 14, 2011

The best part of this post is reading the comments that your coworkers made, interspersed among the Qs.

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UG Jul 14, 2011

Oh, also, if you have an avatar/mini picture of yourself in any of these apps, you should either a) use Q instead of your face, or b) somehow emblazon Sadie with a scarlet Q, take her picture, and use that.

Props to your awesome coworkers for the hilarious inter-Q comedy - I'm doing the silent-shake laugh WITH you right now from the jury duty waiting room!

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Lori Jul 14, 2011

Thanks for the belly laugh. Great presentation of the "conversation".

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juliek Jul 14, 2011

I really needed a good laugh this morning - thank your kitty for me!

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Jordan Jul 14, 2011

I'm laughing so hard at my desk (the silent-shake Krissa mentioned) that I'm crying. We have cats that also love to lay on anything warm - like keyboards. We came home once and found that one of them had opened up almost 100 windows on the desktop.

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Nimble Jul 14, 2011

THANK YOU!

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Linda_M Jul 14, 2011

Laughing and laughing. Sounds like you work with folks who have great senses of humor!

I am laughing so hard! Reminds me of when I got locked out of my highrise apartment whe taking the trash to the chute down the hall. Problem: I was wearing pajamas. Second problem: I as barefoot. third problem: My cat got out also. Had to go barefoot in pj's with my cat to fancy apartment lobby. I made an impression.

Oh my gosh, Holly. I literally laughing out loud. I am so, so disappointed you weren't wearing the letter Q on your shirt. Next time. ;)

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Isobel_A Jul 14, 2011

Oh god - I haven't laughed so much in weeks! Thank you.

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Twice Five Miles Jul 14, 2011

I started laughing when your cat spelled "ASS" and didn't stop. Thanks for the giggles...

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Carroll Jul 14, 2011

Holly, realistically I see very little point in adding one more comment which can only be identical to all the others, but since I am still laughing uncontrollably here, I really can't see straight anyway, so what the heck. I have been sort of sick for weeks on end, and it actually rather hurts to laugh -- but I think this post may seriously have cured what ails me. So funny! Isn't there some "Best Post of the Year" award for which this should be nominated??

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Laziza Jul 14, 2011

Oh, God, this had me laughing out loud. You poor lady.

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Angela Jul 14, 2011

Great story! I had just taken a big drink of water just as I got to the first set of Qs. Let me just say I am pretty impressed that I managed not to spit it all over my desk and computer. Hilarious!

Last summer I was using my husband's PC (I'm a Mac) for something and walked away for a minute. The cat jumped up on the keyboard and performed some sort of voodoo magic with his paws, and all the keys were short cuts. Like, you couldn't type anything at all, every key just performed a short cut. I actually had to call Dell's customer service (I had to call someone else to look up the number because I couldn't use the computer!) and thankfully the guy knew how to tell me to fix it over the phone. I think cats are the eventual downfall of technology.

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Julie Jul 14, 2011

Oh so hilarious!! At least Sadie didn't message your coworkers FU over and over again.

I had the singular misfortune of reading this at work, where guffawing aloud is considered decidedly improper. Cue the most severe case of church giggles I think I've ever experienced. So much silent-laughter crying.

Oh dear god. I have tears from laughing so hard, and I am TOTALLY doing the church-giggle (love that term) silent cry-laugh thing at work with Mr. Colin at #79 up there. I am now sharing this with um, everyone, in an effort to explain myself.

Yeah, everyone else said it, but holy crap I am so glad that I didn't read this at work, because there is no way I could have contained the laughter. It is a wonder I didn't just wake the baby up as it is. This post should definitely win awards...the kind that will make everyone in the world read this. Because then we could have world peace, what with everyone smiling and laughing so much!