Chanukah in Iowa

I was the only Jewish child in the auditorium, and sometimes felt I was the only Jewish girl in the entire world.

by Miriam Meir

My younger sister and I were the only Jewish children attending Monroe Elementary school in Davenport, Iowa in the sixties. In most ways I was just like any other little girl in the Midwest. I went sledding in the winter and caught fireflies in the summer. Only a few symbols formed my Jewish identity. For instance, the mezuzah on our front door was my daily reminder that I was part of a Jewish family.

Like most red-blooded Americans enjoying the freedom of living in the melting pot, the extended family gathered to celebrate Thanksgiving with all the trimmings (our stuffing actually had farfel, which was purchased across the river in Rock Island, Illinois from the kosher deli). However, this attitude of "when in Rome" did not extend to the next holiday. As the orange, yellow and brown displays in the supermarkets were replaced by green and red, a voice from within said, "This is not mine."

Each year, I would have to break in a new teacher. This happened in the fall. I was just an ordinary student, maybe a bit more gabby than the rest, until Rosh Hashana approached and I would quietly inform the teacher that I'd be missing school.

"Oh, you're Jewish?" was the usual response.

Once through the Jewish holiday season, my Jewishness was forgotten until the X-mas recital. Suddenly, my Jewish roots were recalled and considered of great educational importance. For this glorious gathering the entire school body was squeezed into the auditorium to hear speeches, a few carols, and view the lighting of my Chanukah candles.

It was a silence that impressed upon me that I was doing something important...that being a Jew was important.

This practice, year after year, tended to be the show stopper. The night before, I would carefully choose the nine candles according to some color pattern that I felt would make the best impression. These candles were promoting the entire Jewish religion and culture, competing with large evergreen trees covered with tinsel, lights and ornaments. As I took center stage and set my menorah onto a tabletop, I was amazed by the total silence around me. It was a silence that impressed upon me -- more than the gratuitous applause that would follow -- that I was doing something important...that being a Jew was important.

Lighting the shamash with a match was not a particularly religious aspect of the menorah lighting, but being nine years old and allowed to use fire added an air of authority to the ceremony. In a loud, clear voice I would recite the blessings according to the tune my father taught me. Then, one by one I would light all eight candles. It was usually not the last day of Chanukah when I made this presentation, but I felt it was important for everyone there to know that Chanukah was celebrated for eight days.

After the menorah was lit, my teacher would ask if there were any questions about Chanukah. Inevitably, some doubting Thomas would ask, "Is it true that you get a present each night?" Believing this to be one of the foundations of my holiday, I would announce, "That is correct!" which always got a few oohs and ahhs.

Once in a while a question would be considered out of line, asking if I "believed in" Christmas. My teacher would intervene, explaining that all questions should be about Chanukah. I had no problem announcing that I did not "believe in" Christmas. It was foreign to me. It was them, not me. I knew I was the only Jewish child in the auditorium, and sometimes felt I was the only Jewish girl in the entire world. And yet, like Judah Maccabee, I had no sense of weakness or lack of importance. As I stared at the small dancing flames, I thought of the children's poem, "Twinkle, twinkle little star" and I felt like a small, but precious diamond connected to an eternal People throughout time and space.

Today I no longer live in Iowa. And I am definitely not the only Jew around. I live in Jerusalem, with children ranging from still in diapers to recently married. The small twinkling light of Chanukah that built the strong Jewish identity within me in my childhood is the core of my present Torah observance that permeates my consciousness and every action.

I would never recommend anyone to raise their Jewish children in an environment void of the basic Jewish vibrancy that guides a child from his "Modeh Ani" in the morning until his "Shema Yisrael" at bedtime. But any parent who has felt the power of the small flame of Judaism from within the darkness of Jewish ignorance has a grand opportunity approaching. As the Chanukah lights are burning, take the time to tell your story. From a place of safety and light, we can help our children appreciate "BaYamim Hahem, Bazman Hazeh" -- Just as it was in those days, at this time.

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Visitor Comments: 43

(40)
Shifra,
December 13, 2012 6:11 PM

Iowa

I live in Iowa currently. It's so nice to hear that Davenport education allowed for you explain the beauty of Judaism through the lighting of Channukah candles. Yes, it does feel like you are the only Jew when you're a Jew living in Iowa.

(39)
Anonymous,
December 19, 2011 6:58 PM

Touched the spot

I am a 55 year old male, brought up in a traditional, but not strictly Orthodox home in a town with 15% Jews. (I am now quite Orthodox). I almost never cry when reading a story, except for Holocaust stories. However, your story "touched the spot". Thanks!

Hard for me to imagine you in Iowa, but then again, it is hard for me to imagine myself in Seattle. Hashem must want certain people to see the world! Chanukah Sameach!

(37)
Dale Baruchman,
December 13, 2011 11:31 AM

Thanks

"The small twinkling light of Chanukah that built the strong Jewish identity within me in my childhood is the core of my present Torah observance that permeates my consciousness and every action." Thanks for your thoughts that sentence reminds me of how you explain things so well. Thanks to you and Rabbi Rob my first kindgergartener in Margolin Hebrew Academy blossomed in the midbar of Memphis, TN, maybe confused but not about the miracle of the 8 days! Love You!

Miriam,
December 13, 2011 8:25 PM

Thanks, Dale!

All my best to all of the "little" Baruchmans (Baruchmen)

Anonymous,
November 26, 2013 3:05 AM

I never put a note in the Kotel, but....

Dale, it's been over a year since your neshamah returned to Hashem. I feel I let you down as a friend along with not being their for your kids. There is a Jim Croce song that reminds me of you; the blues sung with a thirst for something better! I know you've got something better now.

(36)
raizel,
December 20, 2008 3:33 PM

thanks for sharing!

thanks for sharing your story! It brought me back to my own elementary school also being the only Jew sing xmas carols with my peers:

(35)
Leah Carmel,
December 4, 2007 11:42 AM

Me, too!

Although I wasn't the only Jew in my elementary school, I was the only one being raised by an Israeli and certainly the only one being raised with a sense of pride in my Jewish heritage. The other Jewish kids seemed to willingly assimilate to the Christian society more than I was. I'm a Jewish American. I know who I am and where I come from.

(34)
Kim (Chaya Tova) Solomon,
January 18, 2007 2:39 AM

I am impressed

I am impressed that you were so proud of your Jewish heritage at such a young age! It was a great story. Thank you!

(33)
Aharon Dov,
January 4, 2007 11:11 PM

Worked at the old Times-Democrat

Miriam, a very fine and poignant and hopeful story you've written. I agree with your sentiments, too. Interestingly, around the time of your elementary schooling in Davenport, I was working for its daily paper. I was very happy to be, at last, in a city with a small, but established, Jewish community (even the paper's co-publisher was Jewish!) because I'd come from a paper in a Kansas town of about 10,000 where, besides me, the only other Jews were a family of four who pretty much kept to themselves, and the nearest temple was about 90 miles away. Your story resonates.

(32)
Liz Bernstein,
January 1, 2007 8:01 AM

Such a sweet image! Wonderful!

(31)
Shlomo,
December 30, 2006 11:31 PM

only Jew and Davenport

My wife is from Davenport, and they moved to Des Moines in the early 80's.

In my high school, although there were a fair number of Jews, I didn't realize how many of my classmates were Jewish until while at my friend's for Rosh Hashana, his wife told me her friend went to school with me, and even had a class with me. I remembered her, but I never knew she was Jewish. You never know!

(30)
Bruce Reichenbach,
December 29, 2006 12:34 AM

I grew up in Bettendorf

Living in Bettendorf I know the lack of Jewish People. I live in Hawaii since 1990, the best change I made in my life...not alone anymore.

(29)
aliza,
December 27, 2006 11:52 AM

that was me!

I also was the only Jew in my elementary school, and every year, I was called upon to "perform" the Chanukah portion of the school's xmas pageant. Yes, they called it the xmas pageant, even with the Chanukah segment.

Although, with my very limited - at the time - knowledge of any of the Jewish holidays, I have no idea what ideas I conveyed about Chanukah!

(28)
Neal-WilmetteILL,
December 22, 2006 5:14 AM

Chag Someach

Beautiful story and important lesson

(27)
MichelleAbukasis,
December 21, 2006 1:07 PM

Chanukah in Alaska

Lovely story. I've grown up Jewish in Fairbanks, Alaska and I can relate to a sparce community. It was very nice to relate w/Mariam's story!Happy Chanukah!

(26)
mioarapetre,
December 21, 2006 4:44 AM

The communication it is all

The people are good and bad in all world, and...everyone think that she is perfectly.Whole what I wish it is the peace.Why we repeat the past?

(25)
MillieKatzen,
December 20, 2006 7:03 PM

Chanukah In Iowa

During the early 1960's my brother and I grew up on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and we were the only Jewish children. Like Miriam I have fond memories of celebrating my Jewishness. My mother would make Latkes at school. At Sukkot my mother and I made a model Sukah for me to take to school. My parents drove 90 miles one way (pre interstate) to New Orleans for Temple. I think this made me a stronger Jew.

(24)
Flora,
December 19, 2006 5:56 PM

ABOUT OUR JEWISH HERITAGE

MY SON WAS AN Air Force doctor in Cheyanne, Wyoming- liason to jewish air force men coming to this base, A VERY INTERESTING TIME FOR HIM AND HIS FAMILY. I LOVEd THE STORY OF THE GIRL WHO LIVED IN Davinport, Iowa. as he lived there in the quad cities also. thx for all these interesting stories.

(23)
Esther,
December 19, 2006 5:42 PM

I am also raising a five year old son who is the only Jewish boy here in Longview Texas. It's hard and lonely.

(22)
korosh,
December 19, 2006 1:33 PM

helloI live in Iran I want to know about jewish but in Farsi language,I hear many different things about you .In Iran we dont have any source about jewish .I believe in ancent we Iranian such as KOROSH KING, ESTER ,KHASHAYAR KING help jewish but just now holocast and denay it .why ????because we dont have books to read .I want to why ESTER was queen of Iran ???and why ????why ????why????

(21)
Paula,
December 19, 2006 9:10 AM

Great Reminder

This story is a great reminder to all of us on being part of an Eternal People.

Hazak, Hazak, Nithazek,Paula

(20)
Danny,
December 19, 2006 12:26 AM

Thanks to Chabad, there is now a full time Jewish center in the Quad Cities (Davenport). They are doing an amazing job to serve the small but lively Jewish community in Davenport and around, and to raise Jewish awareness.G-d bless Chabad.

(19)
Malka,
December 18, 2006 7:35 PM

Honesty and History

When there are people who would deny the history of others, it is so important to see this parent honor her upbringing in this way. She is honest about where she came from and how it informed who she has become. Her storytelling will strengthen not only her children's connection to Judaism but to others' as well. Good job! Looking forward to reading more stories from this writer.

(18)
josh,
December 18, 2006 4:42 PM

did the kids

ask or taunt you about killing their guy?

(17)
Bassi,
December 18, 2006 4:39 PM

Thank you!

What a beautiful story, Miriam. Thank you for sharing it and for reminding all of us, wherever we live, of the mission we have.

(16)
Cindy,
December 18, 2006 4:38 PM

A light on to the world

I personally have found it to be a blessing to be the only Jew. Thanks to me and of course my son, his elementary school embraces Chanukkah every year. He has been gone for 4 years but they still have Jewish parts in the plays and dance festival. He takes the responsiblity to tell others about his faith seriously. I can't think of a better way to raise a child. He enjoys the time he does get when he spends camp with other Jewish boys. He seems to like the fact he is original. >^,,^<

(15)
ToshiroMomoi,
December 18, 2006 11:20 AM

Midwest Iowa?

As you can notice, I'm not from Jewish background but I'm very interested in every thing related to Israel. I'm presently reading a book "In our hearts we were giants" by Yehuda Koren & Eilat Negev, Carroll & Graf Publishers, NY.I'm from Japanese background and my father was a Budhist monk and since I was 7 years old we moved to Brazil.After finishing my high school, I went to the US and studied in Oskaloosa, Iowa. I have many Jewish friends here in Sao Paulo where I presently live and when I saw your article "Chanukah in Iowa" I was immediately drawn to read it becase Iowa was also part of my history.My wife and I are planning to visit Israel next year for our 25th anniversary.My sincere Shalom.

Toshiro MomoiSao Paulo, Brazil.

(14)
sara,
December 18, 2006 11:11 AM

One more thing....

Two years ago..whenour neighbours were beautifully singing born is the King of Israel.. I beautifully, dutifully sang back.. G-d is the King of Israel... to their stunned silence,,, and I could feel them thinking ... questioning.. the great divide...

(13)
DevraAriel,
December 17, 2006 11:54 PM

Thanks for the reminder

Miriam - it's a pleasure to read your work and I look forward to more! The reminder at the end to remind our children not only where we come from as a people, but where we come from as people is an important lesson in gratitude that we can all relate to. The lessons we learned from our parents and our own experiences certainly shape the choices we have made and are making, and who we are now. Kol Hakavod!

(12)
Alisa,
December 17, 2006 9:13 PM

What a fantastic writer! Also growing up Jewish in Iowa, I can definetely relate to this story. Can't wait to read your next story, Miriam.

(11)
LizGeifman,
December 17, 2006 6:10 PM

Beautiful

Miriam's retelling of her childhood in Iowa beautifully portrays how her strong inner connection to Judaism was able to transcend the limitations of her environment. Very inspirational!

(10)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2006 4:47 PM

very nicely given over

mazal tov on your child's recent chasuna! what a nice story. i am sure you have a lot more to share with us. yaasher koach

(9)
Temima,
December 17, 2006 2:31 PM

kol hakavod! we enjoyed your story very much!

your jewish pride should live on for ever- and will hopefully be contagious!happy chanuka!

(8)
LeonardGeifman,
December 17, 2006 2:18 PM

A proud uncle!

I have watched my niece, Miriam, develop her Jewish being during her young years in Iowa. It lead to her learning even more about the observance of Judaism throughout her adult life. She has become the guiding light in our extended family as well as her own household.

(7)
annasimon,
December 17, 2006 1:42 PM

i can totally relate to your article as a jewish kid growing up in a gentile world. thanks for reframing this experience from one of feeling like a powerless outcast to one where a jewish kid can feel pride and importance in his/her jewishness and difference.

(6)
LeibaSmith,
December 17, 2006 1:02 PM

lovely

It must not have been easy to be singled out as "the Jew" among the entire student (and parent) population - but Miriam Meir expresses it with such dignity and sense of presence. Kol Hakavod! A strong story with a strong message of being proud of who we are, even when, and perhaps because, it is so different from the rest.

(5)
RhodaKabak,
December 17, 2006 12:20 PM

Jewish in Southern Missouri

I immediately connected with Miriam's story because it was also mine. As the only Jewish child through 12 years of school only intensified my thirst for Judaism and propelled me into my lifetime quest for Jewish identity. I am 67 years of age, live in St. Louis, and thankfully, I am not the only Jew.

(4)
BobRosene,
December 17, 2006 11:57 AM

Simialar background

I grew up in Davenport, Iowa in the early sixties. But I had a very large family and we were close. So my experience was not quite a lonely as this author. But I now live in Los Angeles, and our Jewish community is huge.

(3)
ChanaZelasko,
December 17, 2006 11:00 AM

Hi, Miriam!

Miriam! This was so beautifully written. Knowing you enhances my appreciation of this lovely article.

(2)
Bob,
December 17, 2006 10:46 AM

loved your story,

It reminded me of growing up in Toledo in the 40's and 50's. My teachers and classmates always showed great respect for Chanukah and I had no problem with christmas..think how it would have been if we had grown up in Iran or some other Muslium country.Thank G-D for the freedoms we enjoy in the United States.

(1)
C.Siegel,
December 17, 2006 10:01 AM

Whoops!

I don't think the author really wants to use the phrase "doubting Thomas" in this instance. It comes directly from Christian mythology. They have a story about how one of the disciples, Thomas, doubted whether JC, supposedly having been brought back to life, had really been crucified. In response, they say that JC let Thomas poke at his wounds to see that they were real. Gory stuff, especially considering that any Jew had damn well BETTER be a "doubting Thomas".

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!