Barack Obama to Take Tiger Woods as Second Wife

In line with his policy on gay marriage Barack Obama is to marry Tiger Woods in a private ceremony later today.

The relationship is to be completely plutonic as neither man is gay but it is hoped that by this gesture both men will benefit financially and be liked more.

There was some speculation that the president would be marrying a white man but this was deemed to be going a step too far.

Tiger, who will be the bride, held a wild hen party at an exclusive country club last week during which he apparently did eighteen holes.

Mrs Obama is said to be highly supportive of the move as it means she can devote more time to her own presidential campaign plan which will, in accordance with tradition, take place one term after her husband loses the presidency.

The honeymoon will be in Malibu, it was supposed to be a secret but Tiger leant his mobile phone to Rupert Murdoch at a nightclub last month and some of his text messages appear to have been forwarded to the News International’s head office.

When Obama was asked wether or not Tiger will be teaching the his children to play golf however the answer was unanimous.