Having just crossed the border to a brand new year, and looking back at the old one, the overall impression is that 2015 had quite a number of moments like the above.

Some of these moments, I'm sure, were created and reinforced through a deliberate mindset. The 2015 gratitude project, initiated in december 2014, forced me to sharpen my focus on moments like these, and my experience is - also in reality - that your mindset and your focus to great extend shapes your reality.

However 2015 has also been generous to me and my small business. All important milestones have been reached, the clients I dreamt of - both in number, sizes and attitudes have been landed, and so has the number, diversity and kinds of jobs and projects, I dreamt of. Moreover the professional development, I have searched for since start 2012 came through in 2015, and a professional freedom combined with close and inspiring working relationships was realized through a combination of running an independent business with being an associate consultant in larger organizations.

Most of the above have been realized through a fantastic network and close business relations.

I have tried to - and hopefully succeeded in expressing my gratitude to each and every one of you, who have contributed during 2015. I will not forget any of you, and I will be delighted to return your gestures in the future. Moreover I'll be determined to follow your example and do whatever I can to contribute to others as well.

During the coming week, the first week of 2015, my goals and aspiration for 2016 will be worded in a 2016 work/life plan. The butterfly mentioned in my former blog post is fortunately back to normal strength and energy, but writing this post makes it feels as if an entire family of butterflies are now dancing and celebrating in my stomach.

I am looking very much forward to a 2016 with continued focus on changes and transformations. Thank you so much to all of you who have contributed and/or chosen to work with me during 2015!!!​It's been one of the best years in a very long time, and I am very determined to find ways to bring even more value to my clients, network, friends and family during 2016.

After 300 days of commitment, I had to let it go of my gratitude posting for a while all due to a small but magic butterfly.

This post is about how a butterfly challenged priorities, lessons learned, and what I'm still in the midts of learning.

​About a year ago or so I met with a Swedish “colleague” in one of the organisations that I work for. She showed me a bag, she carried around, containing approximately 200 tiny figures of animals. “Pick one”, she said, “pick the one you think describe you the best, and tell me about your choice”.

I picked a butterfly, and I’ve been carrying this butterfly around in my purse ever since.

I love summer and springtime, and all what comes with these seasons.I enjoy watching the ease of the butterfly when it flies, and it reminds me of my mindset. The last 10 years or so it has been mostly light, optimistic and appreciative, but it surely didn’t come naturally to me. I originally had a tendency to worry way too much, constantly planning and living in the future, and hardly noticing the goals actually achieved. ​Last but not least the butterfly, to me, resemble freedom. Something I value dearly!

A butterfly with uneven wings

​What I wasn’t aware of last year, when meeting with my Swedish “colleague”, was that the butterfly also represents a health condition that I’ve had for years, knowingly since 2011, but most likely quite a few years before that, however most of the time since 2011 not acknowledged and at times deliberately ignored.

The human thyroid gland is a butterfly-shaped organ located in the base of our neck. It releases hormones that control metabolism—the way our body uses energy. The thyroid's hormones regulate vital body functions such as our breathing, heart rate, central and peripheral nervous systems, body weight, muscle strength, body temperature and much more. So small and still so powerful. Quite magic actually when you stop and reflect for a while.

For years this “butterfly” of mine has been too active, making – amongst other things – my appetite on food - as well as on life in general - very “healthy”, and my energy level quite high.

This doesn’t seem serious, and can in some ways even seem advantageous. However I’ve learned that it’s not all good, so a few months back I finally accepted to start medicinal treatment and regular health checks to try to normalize this condition.

Since mid November however I haven’t felt so good. I’ve been working as normal, and I’ve been doing everything else more or less like normal. My late grandmother is my role model, and we don’t accept obstacles. Obstacles are here to be overcome, even when physical conditions are standing in our way. So I found ways to cope.

During the last month, I also managed to register gratitude each and every day, most days also including a photo, but when reaching the time in the evening, when I normally post my gratitude, the “wings” just didn’t wanna carry me any longer, and by November 28th and til now, I chose to accept just to register and stock the gratitude in my mind without posting and sharing.

Last week when going to the hospital for a larger check, the doctor found that my thyroid gland, which I now know has one “wing” quite enlarged, and the other underdeveloped, which can make “straight flying” a little challenging, has gone from being way too active to suddenly not active enough. This finding is quite a valid explanation, I was told, for the lack of energy I’ve noticed for the last month or more. 2/3 of the medicine has now been withdrawn, and “the wings” are already flapping more actively again, and energy is returning little by little which is highly appreciated!

Out of My hands?

Having three different doctors, over the last months, telling me that I have an illness – a chronic illness – and that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it myself, but to eat pills for the rest of my life, that is still something that I haven’t accepted for a fact.

Having them telling me that I should actually be pleased that this is out of my influence, that is way beyond my comprehension.

"But what if I told you that there were something you could do, and you tried your very best, and it still didn't make a difference?", the doctor asked, a male in his late 30's or early 40's. "...Like some people with diabetes. They are told that they need to exercise, and then they run and run, but the exercise has no influence what so ever on their medical condition", he continues.

"I'm sorry", I replied, "I simply don't understand your question". "How can knowing you have a chance to make a difference yourself, and doing all you can to succeed ever be undesirable? Even without knowing if you'll succeed or fail."

It doesn’t resemble freedom to me, and in every way the lack of own influence represent the opposite of all what I stand for and believe in, and even though I still haven't found out how to take charge of this condition myself, I haven't - and I will not - accept to let my health solely in the hands of someone else that's for sure!

A matter of choice

However the last months have reminded me of the decisions and the changes I made back in 2003, when my mother had been seriously ill for almost three years. Decisions that have guided me ever since.

Here are some of these reflections and decisions brought together in a collage of quotes collected and attempted implemented throughout the years: “The greatest wealth is health. Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.""Any success that happens at the expense of your health, your relationships or your character is not real success.""You’ll only regret the chances you didn’t take, relationships you were afraid to have, and the decisions you waited too long to make." "Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks.""Do it now. Sometimes “later” becomes never. Life is happening now.""Life is short and there will always be dirty dishes, so let’s dance."

"There is no passion to be found in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."

"The only way to do great work is to do what you love, and make sure you love what you do.""Never ignore what your heart pumps for. Mold your career around your lifestyle, not your lifestyle around your career."

"What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are. Make the impossible possible."

"Your true worth is determined by how much you give in value not how much you take in payment.""Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.""Ad value. Be the reason someone smiles today."​"Love! And be in love with your life. Every minute of it.""One positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.""Give thanks for a little and you’ll find a lot."

It's NOT easy

Life does not come without struggles.And a life in good health is a state of well-being not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

I learned that during 2013-2014, when me and my family were through difficult times. And now during the last months of dealing with a tiny butterfly.

And gratitude through this is absolutely not easy. Some days it's even really, really hard. However it's a choice!

I made a choice in 2003 to try very hard each and every day. For my own sake, but also to try to give some of the same choices to my children.

The above is a one of two quotes, my son chose for the walls of his room, half a year ago. "Dance" might have been supplemented with "Sing" - and being almost 13, eating healthy is surely a challenge with him, if I let him decide for himself, but for the rest, the above is more or less how both children have developed so far.

​I made a choice during 2013 to focus on gratitude instead of challenges and fears.

I know the challenge does not stop here. Not for them nor for me.

But my mindset is mine to choose. I've spend 300 days posting gratitude posts, and way more than 322 days choosing to feel grateful at least once a day. Even on days where gratitude seemed to be the most difficult feeling to discover.

I'll keep doing this. Hopefully for the rest of my life. Even though I haven't reached 365 days of posting in 2015, which was the rule I made for myself.However I'm now saying: "fuck the rule. I choose freedom". Freedom to choose. And my choice is to continue noticing and feeling gratitude each and every day, but my energy in front of the computer will from now on be used differently. Maybe on a new project for 2016.

I haven't decided upon that yet.

So this will be my last gratitude post. Thank you for following. Thank you for the emails, the texts and the FB messages that I've had during the year regarding the project. I appreciate each and every feedback more than you might ever dream of.

I hope your 2016 will be loaded with reasons for gratitude! And I hope you'll choose to notice and value these moments.

Living at the east coast of Denmark, having the gift of seeing lots of different sunrises, especially during Winter times, it occurs to me as if quite a few days, even the ones that were supposed to be totally clouded, actually have a small crack in the horizon. Right there in the thin line between to ocean and the firmament, most mornings the light of dawn will peak through.

I wonder if it's like that in every aspect of life. That even though clouds seems heavy, there's almost always a crack of light somewhere. I like the thought, and chooses to stick with the perception.

I know there have been quite a few ocean gratitudes on my one-year-gratitude-blog. I didn't grow up with the ocean outside my door, but I've grown addicted to living close to the magic of water. Not two days are the same, and the sight and sounds always works wonders!

Sending my brother and his family off into the snow, and later learning that they were hit by another car in the traffic chaos caused by the first snow in DK. Heartfelt grateful that they're all safe!!!!!!!

-Having my brother and his family over for the weekend. Just having them around. In reach. Walking in the forest. Cooking. Reaching out and feeling them close by. Laughing, dancing and listing to old one-hit-wonders. Watching the kids bonding. Baking Christmas cookies while snow is falling. Feels as if my heart is growing.

Leaving a work related meeting with tears in my eyes. The good kinds. Reminded of how much I love what I do. Meeting an inspiring man for lunch, one of those special people who makes you stop and reflect for a while. Floating further into the pulse of the city to buy a present for my cool cousin. And spending the afternoon at her reception - captivated by the warm atmosphere of people enjoying each others company. Grateful for every bit of this day.

After - what feels like - way too many days with a grey sky, and some days feeling as if light never really breaks through before it disappears again, I suddenly catches a glimpse of early morning brightness on my way to work. Noticing the clouds in the horizon, and kind of realises that the feeling might be brief. It doesn't however change this moment one bit. Feeling small butterflies in my stomach, turning on Spotify, and sings way too loud for the rest of my morning route.