Question About Introductions

Don't know whether you accept questions on manners, but here goes: I am 78 yrs. old and attended a party in which the crowd was of mixed ages, another couple in their 70's, had a relative of ours come up and request us to go to their end of the table, they wanted to meet us. For the sake of peace we went but I feel it was their place to come up to us and introduce themselves or our relative bring them up to be introduced. Please let me know your feeling on it and if I I am right to be resentful, how else could I have handled it?

Yes, I agree with you, this is somewhat awkward. I have had this happen to me, and it stuck out in my mind. I think you had no choice but to go over and introduce yourself. I don't know about being resentful... when it happened to me, I felt like I was being summoned, and I didn't understand why they got to stay at their seats and I had to just stand to the side so as not to get in the way.

It was most likely their place to approach you HOWEVER you choose the high road and did the right thing. Maybe they have some physical problem that made moving difficult...I don't know. All I DO know is that displaying good manners instead of "your rights" is always appropiate.

In a perfect world where everyone has respect for each other and is familiar with certain courtesies, the couple would have come to you and introduced themselves. If they'd had a physical disability and were unable to rise, it would have been politely explained to you before you were asked to go to them. We don't live in such a world, however, so just let it go. Feel happy that you have a natural sense of decency and are an interesting person with whom others want to meet. Be the better person, forgive and forget.

Perhaps your relative could have suggested to them nicely that maybe they could come and introduce themselves to you in the first place ??? The relative could have easily just said something like "You're shy" or 'Not sure if you were up to it" or something ...

Personally, I would have been flattered and not have fussed about 'manners' under the circumstance of a large gathering ...

At any rate you were kind and well mannered but perhaps, because you found it to be rude, you could have simply and politely said 'maybe' in a little while when you were finished with your current conversation and let it go at that ...

Perhaps it was a compliment- maybe you don't look your age and the others thought you were the younger. In addition, the other people may have mobility troubles. Or maybe someone is just ill mannered! In any case you did the right thing and though you might feel resentful, the people you met are probably feeling like they have now been introduced to lovely people.

Not a big deal - just be happy someone wanted to get to know you. Possibly one of the people at the table can't walk easily due to a new medication - or has balance problems - so getting through a crowd is not feasible. They can't very well send a note, " Hi, I'd like to meet with you, but will stumble and fall on everyone I walk next to". Well, I am just injecting a bit of humor into this awkward situation. Having made more than my fair share of gaffes, I just try to get past it and look forward - because that's the only thing to do. Remember - not everyone has had identical appropriate social training. What passes for appropriate in one family may not be exactly acceptable in another.

As others have noted, perhaps the couple who requested you come to them had a physical disability of some sort, although it would have been polite to mention that if they did.

But I think it's unfortunate that you've given this situation more than a few seconds of thought or attention. Life's too short--especially for those of us getting up in years--to spend any time at all on something this minor in the big scheme of things.

I believe that the rules go into effect when one person is approaching another, as to who introduces themself first. The rules have gotten lax in recent decades as to who should do what first in a celebration setting. If the age difference was a young child and an elderly person, it would be clear; but both being in their 70's and neither being certain of the age of the other makes the situation difficult at best.

Since it was a large gathering, the other couple may have hinted to your relative that the had never met you, enticing your relative to ask you to introduce yourself to them. The other may have a physical disability making moving difficult at best and hoped you wouldn't mind moving, not wanting to go into a lengthy explanation.

They also may just be rude or uninformed on proper social etiquette. But who cares? You should have felt privileged that someone wanted to meet you and proper etiquette states that if they fail to approach you, it is your opportunity to approach them. I fail to see why you'd get upset over something so minuscule, unless you also have a physical disability and it was difficult for you to move.

If this was the case, you should have told your relative to relate to the other couple that you'd absolutely love to meet them, but it was physically improbable due to lack of mobility, and would they mind coming to you.

However if you used this reason, it better be true, or you'd embarrass yourself in the process. Holding yourself to such stringent rules must be very tiring. Most people just relax and enjoy socializing at parties.