Theo Verelst Diary Page

Tue 10 july 2001, 14:35 PM

I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts
and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them
that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not
be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my
prior consent. That includes family, christianity, and other cheats. The
simple reason is that it may well be that some people have been ill informed
because they've spread illegal 'copies' of my materials even with modifications.
Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as
such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies,
but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without
changing a iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong
that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure
I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement
on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect
the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a
thing. Lying, imagine that.

Tue 10 june 2001, 14:35 PM

Short followup on yesterday's program building. I think about making a
description of the process with some clarifications for non-experts, to
have an idea of how lets say up to standard high quality software can be
constructed and made.

An almost complete cygwin Tcl/Tk built from source

As I wrote yesterday, I've looked at tcl/tk 8.4 C source distribution,
to see if the the cygnus env can be used to make this package compile.

After fixing a few things, yesterday tcl ran as it seems ok, which inspired
to try tk as well, to have a complete tcl/tk built from scratch, which
contains just about every source code needed for most applications, in
terms of IO and user interface code.

To start with the good news: it works, I now have a self built (not
written of course) wish84.exe, which starts up and reads tcl files !

In short, after again some annoyances, which I think now are mainly
due to me running the make files on file system where the system clock
is completely out of date, meaning usually distribution files are younger
than there derived built files, I got the C sources to compile, the res
file to pass through to a linkable object file, the dll's to be built,
and the final link step to produce the desired executable program file.
There are a hundred C source files, a few meg in total, which takes some
time of course, and I had to recompile a few time after using touch to
change the time stamps on files, but in a doable time, the whole thing
can be built from scratch.

One error is a bit annoying and out of place, it doesn't make sense:
the console window doesn't work. Probably because I've commented out a
few file handling tests which had a __try construction around them I didn't
follow, though it could be I should recompile or something else is wrong.

For the rest I could hardly believe my eyes that I ran my combined pcom/bwise
application with the newly built program, and everything works, the menus,
the drawings, the sockets connections, the windows, file access, everything
seems without error even, I didn't experience any difference (yet) with
the distributed binary version, which is quite neat, except for the console
thing.

Also I ran the tests, which I think are not specifically for windows,
but run very fast, and the complete demo widget set runs flawless, except
there is a little difference in the cascaded menu's visible, where the
little triangle on the right disappears for a cascaded entry, which is
fine, but at least there seems to be a little visible difference between
the distributed program and this self compiled one.

I'll mess with the code a bit maybe, or try to get some UI things out,
and of course look at the console omission, and when re-'make'-ing, I'll
make some dumps of what goes on. For now as I indicated, a small 'fortune.c'
program source, think the outcommented parts away, or have some fun with
a fortunes file (% seperates paragraphs), adapting the 627 number to the
highest fortune textlet in the file, and set the environment variable 'FORTUNE'
to the text file, try altavista for instance, and use a compiler like gnu
that buys these type of unix like sources.

If you've installed cygnus (which is not a bad idea), and maybe the
cygnus free86 xwindow emulator, it may be handy to have an example .bashrc
file, if not it is for my own backreference. It is a file which is read
when the bash shell (sort of like DOS) starts up, which sets a number of
aliases, the left is short for the right, and some environment variables
which you may need compiling, and I like to have a prompt which shows the
present path and the history number. tbig is short for a large font comfortable
xterm like I've used in the past, which also works fine for presentations.

The secret life of prayer.

Having more than touched upon heavyweight and essential subjects recently,
I think at least I'll start another a bit. What does Christ do up in heaven
with God the Father interceding for the saints? What does it mean that
in the time Jesus walked around on earth He tought his disciples to pray
in the their inner room, in private, and not as public display. What does
the epistle of James talk about comparing prayer with Elijah's prayer for
rain, almost concluding the fundamental letter with it.

What does it take to be joined in spirit as the apostle Paul writes
about, and even to damn persons in such way giving them over to the satan,
and why was it necessary to know his handwriting? What and how is it with
prayer for the higher placed so way may live in piece (I forgot where it
says that exactly).

I guess mass media make it easier to get feedback on who is praying
with who, and considering babylon is about mixup (the meaning of the hebrew
word) and mysteries, that may be quite essential, and I guess the taking
or stealing of faces as mentioned in the beginning of James and traveling,
making profits, killing, exploiting and such things are also in major need
of spiritual disernment somehow, to have a faith which is indeed based
on or producing trust which is worth it. Just like prophesies should be
tested.

When it concerns prayer, that is spiritual contact, between people,
the basic truth of being double souled or having a double life is applicable,
as mentioned in the beginning of James as the reason for certain people
not to receive anything spiritually from the Lord or the people around
Him.

I'm sure the dropping dead of annanais and saphira in Acts is based
on a similar truth.

Lets recap for old truths, which I don't have reason to doubt. By nature,
man's spirit is dead, meaning that because of sin there is complete spiritual
seperation between God and a person, unless Jesus had already before the
world was decided to pick a person out, and restore the spirit to enable
contact with God. Then also the Holy Spirit is in that new spirit.

When I am in touch with someone who also has the Holy Spirit by priviledge,
that spirit should be the same and signify the same as mine, or there is
a confusion of Holy Spirits, which is nonsense, because God is one. So
when I have something to do with the holy spirit, which ourside the human
is the only truly reliable spirit, because all the rest is demonic and
evil and would better not be given any place at all, there should be correspondence
with people with the same.

And then depending on I guess my intelligence, place in the whole of
things, coincidence, and the state of affairs as God permits or makes in
the spiritual, I can experience, take part in or refrain from certain forms
of spiritual contacts with other human beings, either born again or not,
in the latter case I might decide to convey some things which I clearly
think the Holy Spirit makes clear, hopefully reliably to both parties.

That was realy nice... Right after voodoo chile has filled every little
corner of space.

Where are the authorities and dominions in the spiritual in this picture,
the natural sonhood of the devil, the treacherous and sneaky christians
and non christians, the beasts and the seductive parties, the beating and
the millstone around the neck of children in spirit, the being taken by
others spiritual wing and wrestling when such is in order, darkness, hell,
or solitude and desertedness, signs and miracles in spirit, music with
unity and strength and interest. The witholder. The Holy Spirit not contending
with man forever. The image of a dove and fire.

Where are those things in that picture?

I guess in hell, hard life, as result of sin, in the world system and
the producers and contituents of the babylonic system, in God or man given
damnation, in family and every other circuits, everywhere where enough
mercy and grace to be part of a spiritual building or even a body which
are at least good is not present, because God forbade it or didn't supply
it.

I'm sure it is no lie that even the keys of death and of the underworld
with its hell and the plagues that can exist in spirit are in the hands
of the one who defeated death and of course the demons are subdued even
to the name of Jesus.

In normal life, as far as that is realistic subject, I tend to refrain
from such subjects and normally would be inclined to want to live and feel
(also spiritually) fine enough, and that's it. The other stuff is because
I'm sure there is a job for those that have the priviledge of a regenerated
hart and a new spirit, because the world seems so miserable, and because
I don't thing it fits me to only live a quiet and peacefull life.

By nature, the spiritual is damned and slavery to sin is all there is,
and I guess the main point would be to minimize those effects and find
some fitting and doable enough modes of live, and hope for Gods mercy.
As it is, a major problem in the spiritual where things should be
different is that lies, hypocracy, outright evil, non-obedience, oppression
and being oppressed, lack of discernment or acting on the basis of it are
where peace, strenght, mercy, grace, truth and blessing should be.

That problem with the ones who believe and are saved is not new. The
whole old testament bears witness to the fact that man by nature is in
need of a sacrifice to atone for sin, and needs a provision outside our
own power to be put right and be able to have a life with God.

The new testament at least is proof that there were more than a few,
with quite some power and probably the largest influence in history, who
found the salvation and the power to life a new life, and produce fruits
who are acceptable for God.

The spiritual in my opinion is completely subdued to the power of God,
I think there is only one God who is not and will not be threatened in
His power in any way I need to concern myself with, even by far. That means
if I want spiritual power, blessing, riches or something else, I need to
listen to His opinion and will.

That I am sure is the bottom line always. When that is effective in
practice is another question but still subdued to the same principle.

And rebellion against Gods will as from the start is the reason for
death and misery, quite possibly starting first in spirit. That is why
I think it is important to know Gods will, and what He wants, because when
He is blackmailed or tried to be made jelous, His spirit is the spirit
He desires with jeleousy, and who can stand up against Him? He is stronger.
Satan with 1/3 of the angels seem not not have had much chance. The whole
of babylonic and lets say baal's worship and all other miserably religeous
strives can't dethrone or even get near the the almighty, holy God, they
damn men, and then still are forgotten, nameless miserable numbers in long
forgotten and still repeated history of hell.

So we need to know what is true to be able to find what God wants and
which are the conditions for lets say at least acceptable spiritual and
natural life. Gods' rules are the rules there are, no matter how much people
lie, cheat, slither, abuse, battle, boast, try to take His place and give
the place that He should have away and take it. He is still the one who
like it will happen in a number of years of tribulation according to John
can call upon one of His angels to speak and bring about judgements and
punishments and changes that no man can go against, so we'd better be carefull
to be optimistic about making the spiritual to images we may have. We may
lose what we have in the end. There is no choice but to observe that God
is the ultimate power in spirit, except when we are willing to lie, and
that may well be a very expensive lie. The truth being Christ, and being
spoken also about what is not known to man by the Holy Spirit.

Having said this as introduction, the preface should be that I am aware
of the fact that I've been significant christian for quite some years already,
who may not have been actively thinking about the direct things of god
for 3/4 of a decade, but who certainly was aware of the fact that he was
apostle by nature and by who God made him, AND that being sent is something
not up to me, but up to God, how can one be sent without someone sending.

I didn't have much idea how much people around me long ago were scheming
and going behind my back and lets say evil in ways they wouldn't have needed
a seemingly faith life for, and felt completely dissatisfied trusting just
about any one around me with the gut feelings I had, or didn't bother trying
to express the lack of finding anything much I found realy worth while
except a few obvious things.

What's the point talking about a ministry in the body of christ when
there is not a single one near to even in effect acknowledge that such
is there? Not much, so living and learning is more appropriate.'Hi mr ministry
so and so, please just dump yourself in our little big babylon, and don't
you worry about a thing now, we'll take care of it all', yeah right. Apart
from taking the rather haughty and I think erronous position of taking
the blame for the body of christ and all believers not to be even near
a good enough life in Gods will, I don't know exactly why it is that I've
met so few lets say christians who indeed live as God has made clear to
them, and honestly, who are even worth normal enough human trust when it
concerns the hybrid of the essentials of human life such as straightforwardness,
untreacherousness, personalitywise, uncorruptedness motivationwise and
lets say greed wise, who are capable of understanding even more than a
little bit of what in my opinion adult enough life and relationships are
about, even several people I've been near who I did would or now like or
live, hardly anyone is in the right place in life, in the right marriage
(as far as there should be any at all) or daily life, job, church communion,
and persueing what the Holy Spirit made clear.

So I start with condamnation in attitude, relations and prayer, both
in vertical and horizontal direction? No. But I cannot bypass all that
and bring myself forward when the world is one crazy motherfucking mess
to say the least, and christianity is more in babylon than I even like
to smell, or simply not there at all. The word motherfucking is a bad term,
I think I know my language well enough to know that that is the word that
a tank batallion in 2d world war with real live granates making mighty
big holes in buildings and killing many for real uses to nick the nazi
insipidly putting themselves against them with.

Those terms go upstairs to to God who doesn't use weak language when
strong subjects are at stake in his word too, too.

And in fact, I picked it up in near horizontal prayer. Of a president
repeating the description the Holy Spirit had given to himself to characterise
a natural inclination of that person.I've seen it repeated in lip-talk
(I'm not sure what the bible says about such phenomenon) on CNN. Just like
quite some more.

Apostles. Ha. The doormats of the workenvironments they may create at
times. Supposedly the kind which primarily runs and takes responsibility
for fundamental issues in the global (true) church. The ones with by nature
the highest authority to act and speak for builtup, correction and

Is it bad to write this way? Probably not, though there are major riscs
when your called a dangerous person at least for yourself enough to be
put away in the nuthouse. One would better not try to get all to delusirous
of grandure then, is it. And what's the point of writing such, go to the
corners, preach, convert, start churches and be happy with it.

No. That would apart fram actual calling not work right in things as
they are, I'm very sure. True conversion and a change of heart are brought
about by God the Holy spirit, not the works of man or woman, they jsut
may have the priviledge of taking part in it.

And when christians in name are even honoured as such still when they
are actually stinking child abusers, and respons sort of pissed when they
aren't put on top of my at times miserable live, or simply on top don't
give a damn are not going to take part in works that I built when I can
help it.And I'd rather fight and win of such practices than collect convert
numbers and collection money. And when it comes to the world, The kings
and rulers of the world may be evil but are still a target to be occupied
with to maybe save some little ones or make it possible to have a real
and worthwhile blessing of a life which is not put under the babylonic
oppression and other exceedingly evil powers.

And to be taken serious as such, and considered trustworthy person enough
in spite of overdrawn creditcards and getting kicked out of civilized and
fitting money making ways, in such thinking is essential and worth
effort. And having the talents to make computer circuits at 11 when Bill
Gates as student made the software I had not too much effort understanding
at about every level few years later, there is no need to be all to modest
when it comes down to it.

When I pray at both inclination angles, I'm pretty certain the Holy
Spirit who I indeed consider to be that is making a point and a lesson
clear enough which is world wide and made by Him: there is only one way
for those serious about their trust in Christ, and that is Gods way.

And I'm not sure what all the motivations are to go astray from that
principle, but when I look around in christianity I see one miserably pityfull
mess, and then I'm being kind.Because also I see evil, structural oppression,
as it seems almost worldwide complete personal missing of the main points
in life, incredible evil not even being dishonoured much, and lies and
massive deals and schemes I probably don't even want to know much about.

Being nice, I don't find it hard to find love for more than a few, even
though they are not at all close to what should be there, but also I cannot
just go out there and make no rigid seperation between everything that
crawls around on the christian backyard and what I can take as serious
partner in even the human. Unless I simply take a position of authority,
which would be quite proposterous and uneffective if I'd not make certain
things uncircumventably clear first. Not even to speak about getting secret
suckers behind my back away who probably use everything rich and powerfull
to get a little gain betraying true works and persons when I'm not attentive,
making serious faith maybe reversely effective in the end when I'm not
aware of enough of what all has been put in also my way, and break that
away first.

I'm sure the is judgement and damnation in this world for people not
following and acting upon what the Holy Spirit made clear, definately at
the level of people like me who are supposed at least to be taken quite
serious at world level when the ones are at stake who are serious about
their faith in Christ, and are at least reliable enough. And I'm sure that
at least the risc is overseeable to claim that in the whole of this, I
can be not irrelevant at all. I don't think I have much of an ego problem
or the inverse in such thinking, I'm just observing that there are not
that many people normally mature and lets say reliable enough at the level
I'm talking about to find much ground for normal or more than normal interaction.
There was no one there in the time I was serious about my christianity
decades ago who had the nerve or wit to talk with me serious about some
major subjects, and I do think on the basis of prayer and thought and observations
that that is not just not right, though bearable on itself for me, I became
an electrical engineer and lived more than enough experiences and definately
learned as a christian, but it is a mistake with consequences.

And I think in certain ways certain people get the priviledge reversed
by God. That of course is not a small statement, but there things are personal
but I can write about them, so why not. The lesson is that the child abusers,
popes, little wannabee reverents, bourgeous and illuminti robbers in the
possible flock of Christ, and of course the downright nazis, persecuters,
murderers, satanists and such should not be reversed in position in the
body of christ for authoritive ministries who are not even regarded because
they happen to have no money, no worldly power, no appeal, no age, no knowledge
of the mature in sin and the depts of satan, not deluded enough to become
a married cornerstone of babylons walls before being initiated into one
of its life phases, because the result will not make God jeleous to buy
them back, but simply damn the fruits of sin as far as the subjects can
be reasonably blamed.

So I'm not getting into a position before I know at least to some extend
what I'm doing and dealing with.

And prayer at least made me clear the above, and that the power that
is there from the Holy Spirit as it was in the days of the early church
is also occupying itself with the subjects being brought forward in for
instance Revelantion and Peters' letters. Not necessarily pleasant at all,
but true, I'm quite sure. So this writing is to make clear who is worthy
of your trust (not primarity money, deals, status, children, life, and
such), and why it should be so that leaders and people in the spotlight
with impact should be tested for their reliability and their obediance
to the word of God and His will primarily, or the oaths that are sworn
are going to be taken for nothing else as what they are: barriers against
Gods truth at best, and deals with the worst criminals of the world for
a little riches at maybe worst.

There is supposed to be considerable power in the prayer of the righteous.
And I'm sure there is power in even my prayer than can make the head head
voodoo man and woman all over the world affraid enough to not present themselves
as over the head of some that have enough trust. Including the ones in
the babylonic or baal worship systems who claim spirituals positions they
can never prove to be effectively powerfull, not even with tricks, effects,
the aid of many slaves they made and cowardicely abuse in the dark because
they don't have the nerve to stick their true heads out when there is still
only even a little light.

Babylon is not abolished in the beginning of christianity because of
th e power of Christ. I'm sure He has the power, put appearently he wants
to make an example or some other point, and lets us all think straight
to get out of that if we can. And in prayer or by reading or listening,
we'd better learn certain lessons.

Also I'm sure there have been praying as at leas a blessing, also with
me, and that that is important, though I think that in our world, much
more should be possible, we can communicate in fractions of a second all
over the world and travel around it in a day, so why bother supporting
what very evil species want in this world. When I listen to what may be
the reasons for so many lies and oppressiveness and lack of even normalness,
let alone blessing, I think the realisation that the Holy Spirit is the
one who should be listened to, and whose words should be discerned, is
as it has always been essential.

And when I'm the only one who seems serious about various completely
essential truths which have been made into lies in most 'christians' lives,
especially when it concerns those who should and could know better, I would
better be taken more serious about what I made clear I work on and is important.
And the life I lead now is almost ridiculous in that sense, though not
in others.