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Take a few minutes to write down every holiday custom you feel you should follow. Start with family patterns, but don’t end there. Offices and friendships have their own traditions. Looking over your list, visualize each activity. Notice how your body reacts. Do you tense or relax, feel like smiling, snarling or weeping? What creates a genuine sense of enthusiasm? True enthusiasm makes us feel divine, whether we take that as a religious reality or simply a wonderful emotion. The holy days are the best times to focus on real enthusiasm, the inner source that lightens and sanctifies our lives all year.

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A few Saturday mornings ago…I was sitting at my computer trying hard to ignore a very happy , a very talkative workman at my house.

…I heard him talking which is certainly not unusual for him. Though it seemed like a one-side conversation and with all this technology these days, people seem to be doing that. I was so hoping he was talking on the phone. I was trying hard not to look in his direction and kept very silent.

BUT…

Ignoring him, not looking in his direction and staying silent was not working for me that day. He (Michael) kept talking, I soon realized, Michael, had a story to tell.

Still seated at my computer, I looked over at Michael now he was on all fours, laying a piece of canvas down on the floor.

The chatter in my brain was busy at work while looking at Michael. The inner voice kept saying, why is he bothering with the canvas? My house looks like a bomb exploded. I have boxes stacked to the ceiling, beds striped and leaning against bedroom walls. Kitchen cabinets empty, furniture bubbled wrapped and staged in the front of the house…In other words, a huge pile of a hot mess!

Trust me on this one, a little more dirt tracked in my house from the bottoms of someone’s shoes was not going to be noticed.

I’m sure you’ve lived this visual at least once in your life.

AND..

Michael still on his hands and knees, half in and half out of the house, now had my full attention He was telling me how he once had dogs like mine and how they reminded him of a terrible tragedy in his life.

In 2002 his whole family died in a house fire, his wife (high school sweetheart), a son (4 1/2) and a daughter (3 1/2).

I said nothing, he had a story to tell…

He was away on a boys hunting trip for just a few days. His wife had decided she and the kids would stay with her parents at their home (thinking life would be a little easier). The trip was a success and Michael was returning home but had a later departure than originally planned. He talked with his family on the drive home. A snow storm was moving in and Michael needed to get up very early the next morning to plow driveways (his second business). So the decision was made his family would stay at his in-laws for one more night. His son wanted him to pick him up on his way home but Michael said, “No, stay with mommy, I have to get up very early to plow driveways in the morning.”

A few hours later…He received the call.

Apparently, everyone had at one point made it outside but they went back in the house not knowing everyone had made it out.

His son was found dead crouched down between the toilet and the sink.

His daughter dead under her bed and his wife in the bathroom with her son.

They all died of smoke inhalation.

What Michael was told, when the bathroom window was opened, it created a backdraft, making the whole house go up in minutes.

The house fire was started by his son who had found his grandmothers cigarette lighter.

My only question to Michael, how, how do you move on from such an awful, painful tragedy?

“Well” he said,

“I threw myself in to my dogs and after a little over a year, I made a decision, I could either stay in pain and in darkness hating God or fill my life with hope, happiness and love.”

He eventually met a wonderful woman who already had a couple of daughters, they married and had two more daughters.

Michael said, “I work long hard days with very little time off for one reason, to provide everything for my four children and for my wife’… “I am filled with gratitude” Michael said, to be able to do what I do for them. Their happiness is my happiness!

I said, Michael, you are a true inspiration regarding living life….My mother would say, “Life is for the living.” And he is certainly living those words.

Michael’s story has forever change my life, strengthening my belief in the human spirit. The desire for love, happiness and joy is far stronger than hate, misery and darkness !

I am filled with gratitude that a happy man, who was on his hands and knees, laying out canvas to protect my already dirty floors, didn’t allow my silence, to silence his story!

As I pull open another drawer to a desk, push another box to the side, I find another piece of my sweet past life (a hand written note from my mother, hand made gifts/cards from my children, their baby teeth with notes to the tooth fairy) that had faded into a very comfortable place where loving memories live… Only to be unearthed by the necessity of a move.

Day to day, week to week turns into a whole life time ago.

Yesterday has gone by at warped speed…(time’s) speed and velocity has been in disguise…

…Only today doesn’t seem to go any faster than yesterday did, hmmm.

Found this sweet poem as I was emptying my daughter’s bedroom desk.

AND…Given I am starting off on a new journey, hitting the reset button to life, I thought I would share some…

Day Light savings arrived perfectly on time this morning. Which is also code for longer days of sunlight (yippee)! But for those who are not morning people, the time change leaves them very exhausted, feeling miserable for that lost hour of sleep.

But not me! I’m a morning person, I love springing forward and the clocks! Love jumping out of bed with the delight of an earlier start to my day or at least in my head it feels that way.

Today feeling a bit happier with a little more skip in my walk, I walked over to my neighbors for my usually Sunday morning Thing One and Thing Two entertainment time. Of course never knowing what activities I would discover but always filled with expectations of hugs, laughter and beautiful loving insights. This morning certainly did not disappoint.

As I let myself into their backyard heading to their backdoor I noticed bear size foot prints in the over night dusting of snow. At this point I need to mention their 110 pound Great Pyrenees English Setter Mix that looks more like a Shetland pony than a dog. And by the way, who loves to greet me by leaping up into the air landing her front paws on top of my shoulders with her enormous head towering above me. As she wagged her grand tail (swinging it back and forth), creating colder wind chill tempts, I did my best to push her down… Recognizing like everything else over at my neighbors house, she is filled with love.

But I’m digressing a bit….

Upon my arrival Thing One and Thing Two greeted me with smiles and giggles as they ran off to fetch their make-believe pizza (play doh) on little toy plates. I pretended to gobble it up with enthusiasm and delight. The next food delivery they thought should be tea.

When all of a sudden….

Thing One takes off like a shot (older, taller and has the athleticism of a gold medallist) was the first to grab the tiny plastic tea cup…

Poor harmony, poor, poor harmony… it ended up in the frying pan!

Thing Too wanted to be “the giver,” feeling his second giving would be considered sloppy seconds!

Which made me remember a quote by Theodore Roosevelt (a God wink moment)…”Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Because of great parenting, Thing Two learned no matter what he gave, it was still going to be very special…..Serenity arrived perfectly on time.

AND….

….To me, it became as obvious as the nose on my face, Thing Two had begun the journey that would lead him to being a very happy adult.

As I walked into my neighbors home, Thing Two (age 4) was in his mother’s arms completely relaxed. His breathing and hers had become one. Together their chests rising and falling, slowly inhaling with long slow exhales. Calm was in the room as if it was something I could touch. I even noticed my breathing had become slower with longer calming breaths .

In Thing Two’s hand was a tiny toy he was clinging to, his reassurance that his brother (Thing One) wasn’t going to completely get exactly everything he wanted (or so he thought). I was witnessing the calm after the storm. Apparently several minutes (thankfully) before my arrival the outburst was set into motion by Thing One’s thoughts and ideas about how a game should be played….I’m not positive on all the details but I think it had something to do with, everyone has to play by my rules or else kind of a game!

Well anyway….

As I looked over at Thing One looking very angelic and playing so peacefully on the floor. He gave the appearance that he was totally unaware of the how and why of Thing Two’s unnerving, I couldn’t help it, I started to laugh (it really was hilarious). All of a sudden Thing Two said, it’s too noisy in the room. His mother said with a smile and a giggle , funny how this works…people never seem to mind the volume of their own noise (screaming) but other people’s noise is unsettling.”

And…

…As you know from my past post, I truly believe God works in mysteries ways!

God was winking at me, and now getting my full attention.

This whole scene reminded me of a quote from the Dalai Lama that I had once read…”You can not lose what you do not cling to.”

God gave me that moment in time, to understand that true peace, is in, the letting go.

This just might be the perfect case of how our laws have not kept up with society.

Or this might be the perfect case of how we need to drop labeling people.

Or this just might be the perfect case how government is too large and should not be in our lives to this extent.

Or maybe this is the perfect case of how we depend on the government too much to solve our problems.

Or maybe this is the perfect example of why all states should allow gay marriages,

Or maybe this is the perfect example of once there are children involve, does it really matter if they have a mother and father, two mothers. two fathers as long as they are loved and well cared for?

Or maybe this is the perfect case of how….you decide….

Please read…

PHOENIX — An Arizona man who garnered national media attention for giving birth to three children after having a sex-change operation has hit a snag in his divorce proceedings that could prevent him from having his marriage legally dissolved.

A judge is questioning whether the state’s same-sex marriage ban bars him from ending Thomas and Nancy Beatie’s union – or even recognizing its validity. Thomas Beatie was born a woman and underwent a sex change but retained female reproductive organs and gave birth to three children.

Thomas and Nancy Beatie are eager to end their nine-year marriage, but their divorce plans stalled when Maricopa County Family Court Judge Douglas Gerlach said in late June that he was unable to find any legal authority defining a man as someone who can give birth.

“Are we dealing with a same-sex marriage?” Gerlach asked. He noted Arizona has banned such marriages and refuses to accept those performed in other states. The judge added no court here is allowed to declare same-sex unions valid.

Shannon Minter, legal director for the National Center for Lesbian Rights, said courts have declared marriages involving a transgender person invalid in a handful of cases across the country. But he said those cases had different factual and legal issues than those in the Beatie case.

Minter, an expert in family law involving gay, lesbian and transgender people, said he could recall only one case in which a marriage involving a transgender person who gave birth went through the courts. He said that union was dissolved in California about a decade ago without disputes about whether the marriage was valid.

“What you have is a man and woman who are married, and their relationship is ending,” said Minter, who isn’t involved in the Beatie case. “And it’s no different, fundamentally, from other people in that circumstance.”

Jim Campbell, an attorney for a conservative Christian legal organization that isn’t involved in the Beatie case, said in an email that the failure of the courts to protect traditional marriage has led to chaos and that children are being led into “increasingly bizarre situations.”

“Sadly, the deep confusion created by these two women, and the biological father who helped conceive the children, is just a symptom of much greater societal problems,” said Campbell, of the Alliance Defending Freedom.

Thomas Beatie, known as “The Pregnant Man,” was born Tracy Lehuanani Lagondino in Oahu, Hawaii. He began testosterone treatments in 1997 and underwent double mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery in 2002. He changed his Hawaii driver’s license to say he was a man and had a Hawaiian court approve his name change to Thomas.

Thomas Beatie married his partner Nancy in early 2003 in Honolulu and became pregnant because Nancy was unable to have children. Thomas Beatie conceived with donated sperm and gave birth to children who are now 4, 3 and 2 years old. The couple eventually moved to Arizona.

Beatie has garnered a range of media attention, making the rounds on talk shows such as Larry King and Oprah Winfrey and winning a spot on Barbara Walters’ list of “10 Most Fascinating People” in 2008, alongside President Barack Obama, conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh and swimmer Michael Phelps. He also published a book, “Labor Of Love: The Story Of One Man’s Extraordinary Pregnancy,” whose cover displayed an image of a shirtless Thomas sporting facial hair and holding a hand over his bare pregnant belly.

Beatie, through one of his attorneys, declined an interview request.

The Beatie divorce case turns on the question of whether a judge has jurisdiction to grant a divorce in a marriage involving a transgender person. A Jan. 31 trial is scheduled, and the judge is expected to rule in early February.

If the judge decides he has no jurisdiction, Thomas is expected to appeal, and attorneys on both sides said the temporary agreement on parenting time likely would be made permanent. They might have to go to civil court to divide their property.

While the judge is mulling whether to let the couple divorce, Thomas and Nancy agree they should end the marriage.

“If you took away the transgender part of it, it’s a garden-variety divorce case,” said David Higgins, Nancy’s attorney.

David Michael Cantor, one of Thomas Beatie’s attorneys, said it would be more financially favorable for his client if the marriage weren’t recognized by the courts, because Thomas could have to pay Nancy alimony. But Cantor said Thomas wants the divorce as an official recognition that their union was legitimate. “He loses money, but he wants to be told it’s valid,” Cantor said.

Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today not in judgement but in hopes they find peace and are all able to move on!

Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!

What the sweet Jesus have we created? I believe everything we are seeing today is a direct result of decisions and actions that have been in the making for the last twenty to twenty-five years and they are all coming to bloom. We are seeing the collective harvest of, if you get away with something…it wasn’t wrong!

…Oh yes it was wrong then and it is wrong now but we are all getting caught up in the collective bad and greedy behavior of our collective society!

Please keep reading…

Sometimes parents just don’t know when to let go, but it’s rare when a judge needs to intervene.

That was the case for Aubrey Ireland, a 21-year-old music theater major at College-Conservatory of Music at the University of Cincinnati. She convinced a judge to grant her a restraining order against her parents, David and Julie Ireland.

According to the Cincinnati Enquirer, Ireland told the court that despite making the dean’s list, her parents would routinely drive 600 miles from Kansas to Ohio to make unannounced visits to her at school. Then they accused her of illegal drug use, promiscuity and mental illness.

Her parents allegedly became so overbearing that they installed keylogging software on her computer and cell phone to keep track of her every move.

She told the court, “I was a dog with a collar on.”

According to the Cincinnati Enquirer, the school hired security guards to keep them out of their daughter’s performances in school productions. When she cut off all contact with them, her parents responded by stopping payment on tuition checks.

Both the school and the court have sided with Aubrey. The University of Cincinnati gave her a full scholarship for her senior year, and the judge issued a civil stalking order against her parents, ordering them to stay at least 500 feet away from her and have no contact with her until September 2013.

Helicopter parents are nothing new. They ignore boundaries or simply embarrass their adult children once they’ve left for college — or worse — in the workplace. Few cases are so extreme as Ireland’s.

In June 2012, researchers at the College of Business and Economics at West Virginia University conducted a study of 340 students and found that many simply grow accustomed to parents’ constant involvement. Nearly seven out of 10 students said it was “somewhat” or “very appropriate” to receive help from their parents in writing a resume or a cover letter. One-fifth of students thought it was fine to have their parents contact a prospective employer.

Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today staying mindful and out of my children’s private lives!

Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!

We have this joke in my family that goes something like this, if you say it loud enough it must be true And in this case if I heard it early enough it must make it true! This one I am not doubting is true, I am just wondering why it was not as obvious as the nose on my face and why people spent time and money researching this one????

But here goes nothing, and I do mean nothing….

New research proved that chocolate was more pleasurable to those who felt guilty about eating it then those who had no guilt.

Duhhhhh

Isn’t that what every adulterous affair is all about? Guilty pleasures?

Isn’t that what underage drinking is all about?…Guilty pleasures?

I have even heard kids say after turning 21 that they drink half as much because now that it’s legal it’s no fun anymore!

Isn’t that what the Bible calls the Forbidden Fruit? Guilty pleasures?

I think the research should have been on why so many adults derive pleasure from guilt. Why they go for narcissistic highs filled with excuses instead of sustainable healthy choices of happiness.

And hence It leads me to believe that this research only confirms… those who find more pleasure out of doing something that is harmful to themselves and/or to others is missing a key component to their conscience (with teenagers/children it is more age appropriate), But for adults, they are lacking a developed adult conscience due to many unresolved issues. Their Super-ego dominations their decision process which is very appropriate for a six year old but completely dysfunctional for an adult.

So with all that said…

I believe for those of you needing to get a thrill out of your guilt… please find yourself a therapist (a good one) to work towards resolving your issues! Do Not pass Go and Do Not collect two hundred dollars and for heavens sakes please Do Not continue the game!

Asklotta and staff will MIND YOUR BUSINESS today guilt free and very happy!

Again, it has been my pleasure to tell you what to do and what NOT to do!