So a friend of mine at work went to BYU. She and I were talking about Jimmer-mania and her collegiate experience when she sent me the link to the BYU "police blotter." You wouldn't believe some of the stuff that goes on at that campus!

Jan. 21: Police received reports of individuals climbing trees in front of the ASB. When officers arrived, they found the tree-climbers to be members of grounds crew trimming branches. No crime was committed.

Jan. 17: A student reported a male with orange hair and an orange beard looking suspicious in the Smith Fieldhouse. The student told police he had overheard the man telling a woman that he liked babies. When officers arrived, no one had seen a man with orange hair or an orange beard.

Nov. 11 Someone called to report a vehicle in Lot 40 with a door left open. The vehicle was gone when officers arrived.

Nov. 13 A concerned citizen reported seeing a bag of alcohol near the Wilkinson Center. It was actually a bag of groceries and the owner got onto the bus and left with it.

Nov. 13 A student reported his bike was stolen. He later found it, realizing he had just forgotten where he had parked it.

You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves-----Abe Lincoln

Let me tell you, if any of you douchebag empty headed stuffed suit nanny politicians tries to fuck with my bacon, I’m going after you like a crazed chimpanzee on bath salts. -----Lars

I always get nervous betting against BYU, from the straight standpoint that their players aren't out boozing, abusing drugs, and fornicating into the wee hours of the morning the nights before games, while all of their opponents almost assuredly are.

"It's like dating a woman who hates you so much she will never break up with you, even if you burn down the house every single autumn." ~ Chuck Klosterman on Browns fans relationship with the Browns

swerb wrote:I always get nervous betting against BYU, from the straight standpoint that their players aren't out boozing, abusing drugs, and fornicating into the wee hours of the morning the nights before games, while all of their opponents almost assuredly are.

You realize how GD uptight and neurotic those BYU kids must be? They're all Todd Marinovichian powder kegs in desperate need of a burger, beer and blowie.

Jan. 28: An individual was reported to be shouting profanities in Maeser Hall. The campus was searched, but no one was found.

Jan. 29: Two white males were reported to be wearing baggy shirts with bulges that resembled firearms in the Wilkinson Game Center. The officer on site did not see anything suspicious, and the subjects were gone upon police arrival.

Jan. 29: After the Widtsoe Building was locked, someone saw people in the building and called police. Upon arrival, the officers discovered it was students who had been playing hide and seek before the building had closed. The students were told to leave the building.

You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves-----Abe Lincoln

Let me tell you, if any of you douchebag empty headed stuffed suit nanny politicians tries to fuck with my bacon, I’m going after you like a crazed chimpanzee on bath salts. -----Lars

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:Nope. I saw 4 midgets fight a pack of wild dogs for some cheese sandwiches. They just couldn't get a good grip with those little sausage fingers.

So close. Tell me this wouldn't have been funnier:

I saw 4 midgets fight a pack of MONKEYS for some cheese sandwiches. They just couldn't get a good grip with those little sausage fingers.

Idiot. Monkeys are always funnier. The word alone is funny and the visuals are off the charts.

Those little furry, mischievous faces with those tails all running about frantically and taking the cheese sandwiches away from the midgets. Making their getaways by swinging from light fixtures or bookshelves (I see the cheese sandwich caper unfolding in a library or a very well-appointed den. I'm not sure why really).

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:Monkeys are over used. Honestly I hate monkeys, I would pay top dollar to shoot a chimp in the face.

You do and you're dead.

They're protected in Ohio asshole.

Plus there would be no basis or reason for a "pack of monkeys" (monkeys live in troops, but Peek obviously was unaware of this) to be in Central Ohio fighting with our midget populous.

Yeah, they live in packs or 'gaggles' as the Aussies say, right up until they're captured, separated and sold in places like Columbus Ohio Fuckface. That's what causes them to be an angry enough to fight dwarves.

Monkeys are stupid and I think they all conspired to be get rid of the Sasquatch because he was getting all the press. So therefore I submit that they cannot be trusted and should be confined to zoos and medical labs.

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:Because Columbus leads the world in the captured monkey trade......

Monkeys are stupid and I think they all conspired to be get rid of the Sasquatch because he was getting all the press. So therefore I submit that they cannot be trusted and should be confined to zoos and medical labs.

And I invented pizza.

You invented nothing other than misinformed monkey takes.

You've lost half your credibility now. You still have the midget half keeping you afloat.

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:Because Columbus leads the world in the captured monkey trade......

Monkeys are stupid and I think they all conspired to be get rid of the Sasquatch because he was getting all the press. So therefore I submit that they cannot be trusted and should be confined to zoos and medical labs.

And I invented pizza.

Not only that they stick their fingers up their asses and eat their own shit...

Shoot them all

You know nothing about pizza...I forgot more about pizza before you were even born than you'll EVER know

...and you could put pussy on that list, too.

Hope is a moment now long pastThe Shadow of Death is the one I castKoo koo ka joob....I am the Walrus