posted on: Thursday, December 20, 2012

Once upon a time a mother said to me, "What they don't tell you is that from the moment they're born they start leaving you."

This made me a little teary, as most statements like this have done since I became a mama, 15 and a half years ago.

But I never forgot those words and I believed them straight away.

I was 19 when I became a mum. I was eager to get on with my life, find my own path, leave my parents behind.

But not really.

I talk to my own mother on the phone most days and always have. I still live a car ride away from my parents and the town I grew up in. I love my parents and value their opinions and judgements beyond measure. It might surprise them a bit to hear the latter, because they think I do whatever I want, regardless of what they say. I say, there's a difference between listening and agreeing.

Now I have my own beautiful brood and I understand acutely the pull on both sides of the divide: the parent, the child and the space in between where each other's wishes reside.

It is really hard to come to this parenting caper and put one's own prejudices aside.

This past weekend the baby took her first steps. I felt so, so proud. And if the wide smile on her little face was anything to go by, so did she.

Last week the kiddo dressed in his first ever big school uniform and spent a morning at school. He walked off with his teacher without a backward glance. Well, actually, he did turn once to yell, 'Rosie!' He ran back to give his sister a kiss goodbye. She seemed a bit bereft that he was leaving her.

There are a million different ways to live a life. Sometimes it's hard not to be afraid. Sometimes it's hard to let go.

But I truly believe that allowing my children to discover this world on their own terms, plus unconditionally loving them, is the best gift I can give them.

To shield them from the truth, or to hope that they don't discover what is real, is to hold them back from the most profound experience of what it means to be human. Well, that is what I think.

So what I will do is love them like crazy, hold their hands when they need me to, and let them run off when they're ready to go.

I will try to explain this world to them and arm them with all they need so that they can take care of themselves, so that they can help others if called upon, and so that they can suck the marrow out of this life and all it has to offer.

I will trust that the love I have for them now; the experience I am having of raising these small people, will carry me through the years that will come when they have flown away. And that the love and care they feel now will stay with them for the rest of their lives, however they choose to live them.

Your words brought tears to my eyes Bron. So true about the 'pull on both sides of the divide... and the space in between where each other's wishes reside'. Exciting about Rosie's first steps & Max's big school uniform! xx