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To my dearest readers, I know I promised an exciting post and trust me I took so many hilarious photos that I wanted to share with you. However it’s painful for me to browse through my photo gallery at the moment.

But I did get down to work to draw something… hahaha.

Maomaocong says Happy Chinese New Year! 😀

HAHAHA. He looks retarded. I don’t know why I even like him so much. Darn cute. For those of you who watched my stream yesterday, I was going on about this really cute little lightbulb-ish humidifier. Remember Moscow? The air was so dry. So I figured its time to buy one of these portable magical objects. I got it on qoo10. I think it was only like… 15dollars?

Plug it into the usb port on ur laptop and this little thing whizzes to life. I think you can do a steam facial using it if you want to. Hehe. I MEAN HOWWWW THEY EVEN INCLUDED STONES AND LITTLE PALM TREE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ISLAND.

SORRY GUYS I HAD THIS POST HIDDEN IN MY “DRAFTS” SINCE CNY SO I M JUST GOING TO CONTINUE WHERE I LEFT OFF HAHAHAHA.

SO BASICALLY,

I just celebrated lycan’s 5th birthday and my own LETS NOT GO INTO THE AGE.

Just in case you are wondering, his cake is a gigantic meat ball. LOL.

I bought him 85$ worth of snacks from bow wow… this guy has better know how fucking luxurious and pampered he is.

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I can’t wait for February to be over actually. Because the page of my March calendar is a fresh one. With only plans for myself. I will face the only last day I have to meet him in March with my head high. As like I have been advised so many times. If my conscience is clear, heaven knows. He doesn’t have to know. Because it doesn’t matter anymore. And it doesn’t matter because there is no point in hanging around someone who doesn’t love you enough.

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Anyway just to make you guys jealous I WENT TO MALDIVES. One of my dream destinations holy shit. And one night stay is obviously not enough for me.

DO U KNOW HOW MUCH I STRUGGLED TO BALANCE ON THIS IMPRACTICAL HAMMOCK.

Posing in front of a jetski that I can’t afford to ride on. damn.

Well….. at least kayaking is free.

I want to be inside forever. Probably drown there but well. Water too shallow to die in. But certainly breathtaking enough to die in peace.

IF YOU ARE NOT SAVING UP TO GO TO MALDIVES I DON’T KNOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR MONEY. YOU MAY DONATE IT TO ME. HAHAHA.

SAW THE SPA BY THE VILLA AND ITS FUCKING 410 USD ++ FOR TWO PEOPLE.

VELI LOVE ALWAYS OFFER.

I LOVE YOU VELI MUCH.

The resort is beautiful, albeit like a maze and the food is costly af but trust me it’s so worth it if you enjoy being in water just like me. Is it a coincidence since I am an Aquarian?

#deepthoughtsoftheuniverseandwhyheissuchajerk

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SO ITS COOKING TIME WITH VALEISKY!!!

EZPZ Prawn arrabiata for nerds like me who like to stay at home or cooking idiots trying to impress their girlfriends:

Cook the pasta:

– Add in salt and some olive oil into pot for good luck into a pot of water, bring to boil.
– Add in pasta when water is bubbling. Stir and check periodically.

!DO NOT PLAY DOTA AND FORGET THAT YOUR GAS IS ON!

Cook the sauce:

– In a heated saucepan, warm up olive oil. Throw in bacon (If you halal, skip this step)
– Throw in garlic and chilli. Ensure that fire IS NOT HUGE LIKE THE RAGING PITS OF SATAN’S HOME so that the garlic won’t burn.
– Toss in prawns and ensure they are cooked thoroughly.
– Empty can of diced tomatoes with all the tomato sauce into pan.
– Keep tossing and mixing everything together.
– Simmer on low heat.

Your pasta is ready and your girlfriend will immediately believe you are marriage material once the lovely arrabiata pasta touches her lips.

And then it wouldn’t only be pasta that her lips touches later on 😉

LOL.

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And before we end obviously I JUST HAD TO let you guys know that my extremely hilarious sister burst into tears when we were having steamboat the other day. She went to get more food and then started crying when she realised we were only left with 15mins before the waiter chases us out because LUNCH was only 70 mins restriction.

And as her very supportive sister I just had to take photos of it and post it online. HAHAHA.

EAT. E A T

E.A.T

That was literally the entire summary of my trip to Melaka. LOOOOOOOOOOL

STAND ON THE WEIGHING SCALE AND SCREAM “NO REGRETS EVAAAAAAAAA”. Pat your flabby stomach and reminisce all that coconut milkshake.

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So basically the journey was one of deceit and horror because Charles didn’t tell me the actual time taken of the journey is 3 hours bus ride to Melaka Center, 1.5 hours public bus ride to his hometown’s interchange, and another 20 mins to his grandmother’s house.

> 干得非常好 !!!

I actually bought 3 buns for the 3 of us, but SOMEONE TOOK MY PLASTIC BAG BY MISTAKE when I was travelling on the mrt. God damn, bye buns.

So yes after playing pocket maple for 3 hours straight ( I deleted it after which ) we arrived at the Melaka Sentral.

I keep seeing banners of “DON’T MESS WITH MELAKA” not sure what that means in political sense but it sounds like MELAKA IS BAD ASS. Charles must have gotten his guai lan attitude from staying in Melaka for so long. HAHAHAHA.

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We had ayam goreng before the trip, but I was already peckish after the ride. AND YES IT ONLY MAKES SENSE TO FOLLOW A MEAL OF UNHEALTHY FAST FOOD WITH THE NEXT MEAL OF ITS’ FELLOW COMPETITIOR, KFC because that’s just only fair.

They have this really awesome mashed potato + corn + cheese + popcorn chicken. I’m not sure about you, but I sure as hell didn’t regret that 100000000 calories sliding down my throat in one glorious, corny, cheesy hot mess.

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So anyway I managed to survive the entire journey and reached his grandma’s house. There’s a long, spindly stretch of forest……………….. down the narrow pathway, the house looms into view. Scary as fuck. I regretted reading so many pontianak stories. D:

But I soon realized it wasn’t the white dressed ghost I was afraid of but FUCKING BEETLES EVERY WHERE AND COCKROACHES AND FLIES AND GIANT ANTS WITH WINGS.

Thank god I am not afraid of the big, overfed lizards that dominate the entire walls.

That’s a longan tree below, with this white plastic bag wrapped around the fruits.

One plus point: THEY HAVE 8 DOGS OMG. It was heaven and hell all in one place.

Yes don’t ask me how I did it. I have this special skill of getting dogs to pose for the camera for me. HAHAHAHA.

I just told him “Lycan, you look like shit. Please act cute for me.” And ta dah! Nailed it.

OK’ ENOUGH OF DIGRESSION ABOUT MY PRO SKILLS. HAHAHA.

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According to Charles, this satay stall is so good that every day, the freshly prepared skewers are all reserved even before the stall is open.

SO YES TO NOBODY’S SURPRISE, WE DIDN’T MANAGE TO GET IT. WE HAD TO GO ANOTHER STALL.

Which was also quite good. So I can’t imagine how good the famous stall must be.

I found this photo oddly mesmerizing. A glimpse of the sunset. HEHEHE. JUST TAKEN ON MY iPhone how amazing the photographer is? holy.

We had Malay styled fresh seafood for dinner.

YES, the boy was laughing because I made Charles pose for this photo. HAHAHAHA.

I just had to play with the squids.

Fresh on the charcoal grill~

I am not really used to the cooking methods but nonetheless I had fun feeding the cats. LOL. We had sweet and sour squid, salt grilled fish and sambal sting ray (which is really really different from the Sg ones) lol.

I wasn’t full so we took off to have a second round ; Thai tom yam soup with fresh seafood at another stall. God, it was so good. They put in squids, clams, prawns and crabs. :O

Thistle Port Dickson Hotel

There were quite alot of people! Probably cuz it was a Saturday. Alot of Sg cars ~.~

I spent alot of time lounging on the cute little daybed by the window. HEHE.

THEY HAVE TWO POOLS. YAAAAAAAAS. I found the small quiet one, tucked away at the back of the property. WITHOUT SUN BLASTING IN UR FACE.

Some cam whoring moments, taken on Charles’ phone with the oddly enticing filters.

Sorry. I look pregnant. Ironically its because my period was due. LOL.

We had a really good bak kut teh for lunch before heading to the beach. The dry one is so good, I was close to tears.

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THE WEATHER WAS SO HOT, you could stick an egg into the sand and it hatches into a chick.

I love this shot. HEHEHE.

So melancholic. Such shots are my favorites. HEHEHE.

^ That was the sarcastic face Charles was giving me behind these photos. LOL.

The water is quite clear too. Just cloudy because it’s too shallow and the sand gets around. We played on the banana boat, 16 RM per person. It ended too fast but we got slammed into the sea at the end which was quite fun. HAHA.

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We paid 72 rm nett for the BBQ seafood buffet at night. It was a good spread and I thought it was quite worth the money. The dining area was right beside the main pool and it looks so beautiful at night that I was so tempted to take a dip, work off some calories, come back and resume eating. LOL.

They had my favorites; smoked salmon and fresh, cold crayfish.

I took lamb and black pepper sauce hot off the BBQ pit done by the chef. Potatoes were amazing, and so were the buttered veg.

Had some stir fried teppanyaki styled vegetables. Delicious.

I had 3 bowls of creamy seafood soup and 2 scoops of mint ice cream to finish off. LOL.

I was lazy and thus didn’t eat the rest of the grilled items like prawns and crabs. Satay was quite nice.

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We spent the rest of the night chilling at the hotel’s bar called Cumulus. Its a type of cloud but really… The bar is far from “heavenly”. HAHAHA. I suggest for you not to get any drinks there because my Sex on the beach was white instead of the regular pink.

They have a karoke room there till 12am, and movies rooms that operate till 10pm. Quite alot of activities! and we chose the worst one; (thinking about my SOTB. really…)

The whole place looks really picturesque at night.

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The famed coconut milkshake. It’s so good you could do 100 laps in the pool and still reach out for another cup of this.

We had nyonya laksa at Jonker’s street after the coconut shake.

I had the assam, whilst Charles had the curry. The curry one had alot of coconut milk which according to him, is a tradition for nyonya styled curry. Thank god I didn’t order that. My assam laksa was superb. I finished off the entire bowl LMAO.

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We drove to the Porta De Santiago. Had to climb that fleet of stairs, god damn. I wouldn’t have done it if its not for the fact that I consumed too much coconut milkshake.

Caught the movie “Before I wake” at the theatre. I don’t recall SG having this movie so I think it’s not even due to screen yet. fuck.

They had some kind of event and decorated this place. so cute.

THE ONLY REASON WHY I CHOOSE THAT THEATRE.

Fucken delicious chicken meatballs. 15 pcs at only 5.40 RM. God damn, you can’t even buy a btl of mineral water for that value in SG.

I really like that show. I overheard some people commenting about the ending from behind my seat; I think they didn’t quite understand the reasoning behind the story. HAHAHA. It’s good in my opinion. It’s not too scary, relatable and no doubt the kid’s really cute.

And of course…. No one goes to Malaysia and returns without eating at Hui Lau Shan. I chose my CHEWY BALLS. Definitely worth every single step on the treadmill; if I ever go to the gym. HAHAHA.

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THE LAST DINNER

We first started off with this for appetizer. Popiah stuffed with a truck load of “fried pork lard“. GOD DAMN I TELL UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

We then waited really long, for this street stall that sells everything boiled and drizzled with some special house mix sauce. DAMN FUCKING AWESOME OMG D:

Cockles (i dont eat that tho), La La, lady’s fingers, cuttlefish, mixed fishcakes. I was so sad when we finished our food knowing we can’t order anymore cuz need to wait all over again. LOL.

We headed out to this stretch of field at night. To visit a “Most beautiful starbucks in Malaysia” as per Charles’ claim.

I saw the starbucks and I wuz liek:

Is it… really the most beautiful one in Malaysia? -_____-

So anyway since we were there we definitely had to play some bubbles before we left. LOL

It was only 5RM for that soap dish. And the hanging rods are all for different bubble styles. The wind was strong and thus needless to say we had bubbly good fun. HAHA

They kinda look like different ways to torture your sub… if you look at it from 50 shades of grey point of view. LOL.

I just had to take a snap of this little shitty bubble destroying boy in the red pants. God damn bursting all my bubbles. <PUN INTENDED.

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There’s no better supper than oyster omelette cooked by an old man in this huge oily wok over a roaring fire. True story.

The oysters were so fresh, and the eggs + starch was so well cooked that you can taste wok hei. I FINISHED THE WHOLE GOD DAMN “LARGE” portion because they were stuffed to their faces.

Nick ordered this nine treasures soup that was some kind of a dessert. AND IT HAD MACARONI INSIDE LOL.

And no, he didnt eat the pasta. HAHAHAHA.

Ended the night with me tucking maomaocong to bed.

AND RIGHT BEFORE THE LIGHTS WENT OUT A FUCKING BEETLE JUST HAD TO FLY AROUND MY EAR MAKING THAT ” ZZz Z z ZZ zzz Zz!” SOUND AND LANDING ON MY HAIR.

I died that night.

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We had one last meal before we left. With just a few dollars left (after spending way too much overeating ). It’s the famous chicken rice balls at Jonker’s street.

The old man attending to us had attitude problem but OK. FOR THE SAKE OF FOOD. OK. I WILL PUT UP WITH U.

The balls paired with the chilli were so good, they could turn a straight man gay.

The chicken however looks like a plate of gruesomely murdered flesh that will totally score negative for presentation in front of Gordon Ramsay. And I daresay Sg’s chickens are done tastier 😀 😀 😀

I HAD ALL 5 BALLS AND THEY ORDERED EXTRA 20 BALLS AND THEY FINISHED IT.

A must try!

I had a last shower in his house (They have a WELL) and we had to scoop water out of a huge tub to shower in with concrete walls and floor and everything. So rustic. Charles say sometimes toads and frogs will appear in the tub. Thank god i like them.

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I enjoyed my time in Melaka, be sure to try out all these food if you go there. And you must visit Port Dickson. I want to stay at Grand Lexis next time. HEHE.

Will upload my Bintan post soon. ❤

Please drop me an email or a message if you need help finding the food places. Charles dont’ have the exact address but he can give ambiguous directions to getting there. Better than nothing la. LOLOL.

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Just one last photo for you guys, from my last shoot. Black and white so awesome.