Comic Vine News

Most Dangerous Jobs in the Comic Book Universe

Even the most mundane jobs can lead to your utter demise in the comic book world.

I see shows on the discovery channel and history channel laying claim that whatever show they currently have airing is in the fact the most dangerous job in the world: Ice Road Trucker, Lumberjack, Crab Fisherman, etc. I feel as though it’s being shoved down my throat. “The week on Ice Road Truckers: Inexperienced Jimmy has a 2 ton cargo and an icy road that could seal his fate. Will he meet his watery grave?” Pun-tastic! I recently overheard a conversation between students at my college debating what the most dangerous job is: the ones I stated above all got notable mentions. Until, I mentioned Aquaman. If you can’t breathe underwater, you’re dead. I thought about it, and other than the obvious “hero” and “villain” there are some ridiculously dangerous jobs in the comic book universe. Today, we’ll explore some of the more dangerous jobs within those universes and discuss why you should never be employed by certain companies.

Dictator of your own country

Latveria: Actually sounds like a real country!

Being a dictator or leader in real life is tough enough. You have to deal with keeping the peace, trading, and other really boring things. In the comic book world, you are constantly wondering, “Is anyone with super powers going to blow me up today?” The answer is most likely yes, someone is going to try and end your reign of terror in the most horrible of ways. Usually, it’s an end-all-be-all type of explosion: A mass genocide of you and your people. How do you protect yourself against such advances? You have a couple of choices.

The first choice isn’t really a choice. You have to have incredible super-powers, where you in fact are already a weapon against the enemy. They must be scared of you. OR you can lie, let them THINK you have these powers and you may be crazy enough to destroy the whole world.

The other choice is simple; attack them before they can attack you. Use your army to blow them up! However, this will almost always end badly for you. I’m sure one of the super-hero teams will come together to beat you into the dirt… Thanks Ultimate X-Men/Ultimate Avengers.

Newspaper Employee

This is, by far, the most dangerous job in any comic book universe. Not only do you have to worry about being kidnapped, blown up, shot in the head,

and paper cuts, but you still have to get the scoop on the story. Let’s not forget that almost all your stories within this universe in some way involve super-heroes and villains. So when you’re on the hunt for that front page scoop, Green Goblin is chucking pumpkin bombs at you. Even if you run the newspaper you still have to worry about buyouts from other companies? Not dangerous enough? How about getting kidnapped on a weekly basis? By kidnapping number 40 you’re pretty sure you’ll survive the ordeal, until number 41 when the serial killer turned super villain threatens to slice your neck… OUCH! Again, we can look at just being a mild-mannered reporter. You may think it’s all fun and games… until you transform into a giant beast of some sort. Will you ever change back? Who knows? But you better make sure to put up a good fight when you do change because EVERYONE will be gunning for you.

Lacky

My boss is a giant floaty-head

Ever want to work for a major corporation only to find out you work for someone like A.I.M. or Hydra? DON’T DO IT! The position of “lacky” has a laundry

All Hail Us!

list of ways to die. If I were to mention them all, it would be the longest thing I’ve ever written. It’s pretty much self-explanatory: You’re working for a corporation that is going to have a bunch of villains or heroes burst through the door, and they’re going to probably shoot you in the chest. You will die next to everyone else and your bodies will be burned. Next, the corporation will tell your family you disappeared and your family will spend their remaining days searching the globe for you, but you’re already ashes. It is a sad, meaningless existence, but at least you get to wear a really cool uniform! On the brighter side of things, sometimes your boss is a giant floating head with a name that's an acronym. You and the boys can giggle around the water-cooler during your government enforced 30 minute lunch break about how bad your bosses suit must smell since he probably can't take it off or that he has tiny feet compared to the size of the rest of his body. Better yet, you could be offed by a James Bond type character that may say something witty like, "you look tired...have a seat" as he snaps your neck then politely puts you in a chair.

Girlfriend

Ok, so it’s not really a job…. Sue me. However, this “job” is still quite dangerous; especially if your boyfriend is named Kyle Rayner or Peter Parker.

Take your pick: Brooklyn Bridge or in the fridge. (Hey! That rhymed!) Doesn’t matter you will die. The same thing doesn’t apply to boyfriends since 95% of the time, the boyfriend is also a super-hero/villain and can handle their own. (Just like that delight of a film starring Luke Wilson and Uma Thurman, My Super Ex-Girlfriend! Now available to own on DVD!) If you're the lover of a potential super-hero here's what's going to happen:

His arch-enemy is eventually gonna find out who he is, whether it be by using superior reasoning skills or just following the hero home in his 86 Civic.

When that happens, he's going to do one of two things. Kidnap you or kill you. You better hope for the first part.

The the villain is going to take you, as bait, to his hideout most likely and lure the hero there.

The hero comes in, beats the bad guy, and you get saved with minor scarring and a whole bunch of trauma that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

After this is over, start from the beginning.

Hopefully, you'll just be kidnapped over and over and over again, instead of being killed. You'll most likely end up going insane and getting locked into an asylum, only to become a super-villain later, stalking your ex-boyfriend, (Just like that wonderful movie I mentioned earlier!) or you'll kill yourself. Being a woman in the comic book universe is awful. Here are my suggestions for those of you who are stuck there. LEAVE. LEAVE NOW. Find a Reed Richards type character and have him send you to another dimension. Actually, that's my only suggestion.

All right, there you have it... The worst jobs, that I could think of, in the comic book world. What do you guys think? Any jobs you think are worse?

Space Mercenary - If some super powerful villain who rules a planet offers you money to catch a super powered hero, you should just turn it down. If he can't do it, why can you? 90% of them can't breathe in space anyway. You are at least losing your crew for this job.

" Though "girlfriend" isn't really a job, there are certain jobs they perform. "

hell if it isnt. ask any girlfriend/lover. thats a 24 hour job as much as being a boyfriend is. should be allowed to use it on a resume. think of getting married as the promotion in that field.

i got some. job title: guardian guardian of "whatever". persons job is to watch over/protect "something", usually an object. in most cases that is an object of power, and in even more, one that the balance of the universe itself depends on. basically that job title automatically paints a big target on your head for every major super villain in the universe. also doesnt include dental.

job title: second in command also known as right hand man this one pertains to bad guys. worse than a lackey, your the one that walks right next to the boss every day. you take notes for him or her. you are given specifically the task of making sure all important things go off without a hitch. because god help you if they dont. part of your job happens to be that all failures of your superior now default to you. if your smart youll pick one of those lackeys to pin this one. who cares, theyre cannon fodder as it is. compound this with the fact that your boss is an evil delusional madman, and is paranoid about everyone around him/her, especially those who are the closest. probably thinks your planning to take his/her job, and thats why your always watched, and i mean even when you sleep. and you probably are planning on doing it too, its really your only way out before the inevitable.

job title: keymaker you dont make "keys" persay. you know something. usually how to make something, decode something, ect. you also happen to be the only one that can do this. usually a small handful only know of your talent, and work hard to keep it a secret. because if the wrong one finds you, they advance to the finals int he plot. and of course once they have what they need from you, they need to make sure you not only dont tell anyone, but that you dont provide the same service for anyone else so they can keep the advantage to themselves.

job title: innocent your an everday passerby, another background character. but you have some unique feature that makes you shine bright from the rest, and stick out like a sore thumb. when it comes time to prove how evil they are, or distract the hero, the villain has to pick someone from the crowd. its either you, the convicted rapist out on parole, the bully, the pimp, the drug dealer, or the attorney....in other words you are it. your the type that most superheros will spend more than 50% of their time " trying to protect " youll have everything thrown your way, from collapsed buildings, to Hummers, to lazer beams, to corrosive acids, to swords, ect. you might even be unfortunate enough to be turned into a monster of some sort by the bad guy, leaving the hero no choice but to take you out. all of this very necessary of course so the audience can feel the tragedy when they see your screaming face. too bad your innocence didnt pay off in the form of a power ring. or then again maybe you shouldnt have taken that stroll in lovely Central Park or down that peaceful back alley of a slum at midnight.

Great article you got here. Really has a nice twist all being comic involved. I think this could even be expanded upon. There are the Red Shirts. Good guys who lack a name and always seem to be the victim of whatever the heroes come across. It was covered well in Galaxy Quest.

I'm sick of shows like Ice Road Trucker, Lumberjack, and Deadliest Catch. I want more MythBusters!! At least even Man vs Wild has information to learn from it.

"Great article you got here. Really has a nice twist all being comic involved. I think this could even be expanded upon. There are the Red Shirts. Good guys who lack a name and always seem to be the victim of whatever the heroes come across. It was covered well in Galaxy Quest.

I'm sick of shows like Ice Road Trucker, Lumberjack, and Deadliest Catch. I want more MythBusters!! At least even Man vs Wild has information to learn from it. "

"Great article you got here. Really has a nice twist all being comic involved. I think this could even be expanded upon. There are the Red Shirts. Good guys who lack a name and always seem to be the victim of whatever the heroes come across. It was covered well in Galaxy Quest.

I'm sick of shows like Ice Road Trucker, Lumberjack, and Deadliest Catch. I want more MythBusters!! At least even Man vs Wild has information to learn from it. "

they cancelled ufo hunters wich pissed me off! "

that's because they had nothing to hunt

@FoxxFireArt said:

" Great article you got here. Really has a nice twist all being comic involved. I think this could even be expanded upon. There are the Red Shirts. Good guys who lack a name and always seem to be the victim of whatever the heroes come across. It was covered well in Galaxy Quest.

I'm sick of shows like Ice Road Trucker, Lumberjack, and Deadliest Catch. I want more MythBusters!! At least even Man vs Wild has information to learn from it. "

the list was originally a lot longer, but i cut it down because i pretty much say the same thing four times

A Great Lake Initiative member--Dan Slott openly said in the series he was writing that he would kill one every issue; he created three supers just to be killed as a joke; and in the Deadpool/GLI one-shot he killed a few more. Slott is kind of disrespectful by writing like that (though I get he doesn't do that all the time, only in GLI).

Actually being a newspaper employee is just as dangerous in the real life as in comics, perhaps u dont get a green goblin running after you, but u still got mob bosses, drug dealers, even some politicians trying to shut u up The bad thing here, is that they don't always got a red cape to save their a$$

I would have to add......... Being a Morlock from the X-Men............ First of all you are mutant and people hate you for that, and your mutant powers make you look horrible so you have to and hide. Since parks are taken by bums, and alleys by criminals, they had to go and hide in the sewers, and it smells like @$$. Then make your sad existence even worse you always seemed to get murdered, by the likes of the Marauders, and are also casualties of M-Day. Talk about having a hard job when it almost seems like the job description reads "will be massacred."

Truuuue but I find sidekicks as a BIGGER target than the hero. Like Joker wanting to be the one to take out or hurt severly all the Robins . Also sidekicks seem to usually wear brighter attire than the main hero. Hence , Hampton's persona Decoy ha ha ha.

"I would have to add......... Being a Morlock from the X-Men............ First of all you are mutant and people hate you for that, and your mutant powers make you look horrible so you have to and hide. Since parks are taken by bums, and alleys by criminals, they had to go and hide in the sewers, and it smells like @$$. Then make your sad existence even worse you always seemed to get murdered, by the likes of the Marauders, and are also casualties of M-Day. Talk about having a hard job when it almost seems like the job description reads "will be massacred."

"

And you have to have your appearance distorted to join, and then probably die when your power fails on M-Day.

"Truuuue but I find sidekicks as a BIGGER target than the hero. Like Joker wanting to be the one to take out or hurt severly all the Robins . Also sidekicks seem to usually wear brighter attire than the main hero. Hence , Hampton's persona Decoy ha ha ha. "

grayson is better as nightwing anyways. i always thought the robin charachter was kinda fee fee

"Actually being a newspaper employee is just as dangerous in the real life as in comics, perhaps u dont get a green goblin running after you, but u still got mob bosses, drug dealers, even some politicians trying to shut u up The bad thing here, is that they don't always got a red cape to save their a$$ "

I'll second that and add - the news is just as full of journalists lost in war zones as well - which from time to time will show up in comics.

Glad someone mentioned Arkham. I was going to suggest intern, orderly, security guard, or soldier. No matter how much training you can get in the army, marines, or navy if Galactus, Dr. Doom, or The Hulk cut loose, you're toast.

Dude, under girlfriend you forgot the ABSOLUTE WORST person to be the girfriend of - Matt Murdock AKA Daredevil. Waaaaaaaaay more dangerous being his girlfriend than it is Peter Parker's. Just look at the tally of dead or messed up girlfriends he has compared to Peter. Way more dangerous.

@Mbecks14: that was mentioned on this page that it was in the original article

@HellfireSamurai said:

" Dude, under girlfriend you forgot the ABSOLUTE WORST person to be the girfriend of - Matt Murdock AKA Daredevil. Waaaaaaaaay more dangerous being his girlfriend than it is Peter Parker's. Just look at the tally of dead or messed up girlfriends he has compared to Peter. Way more dangerous. "

I wasn't sure if most people knew about Matt's gfs almost always getting killed or hurt, so I just left it at Peter.