I've mentioned this in passing a few times, but it came up again today, and I'm really ambivalent about the whole thing.

My manicurist and the lady that runs the shop both know about my weight loss. Partly because it's visible, and partly because I've shared a little of my journey with my manicurist, who's also in the process of losing weight. Anyways, every few appointments, she tells me "so and so" has asked about my weight loss/ commented on my progress etc. Nice, but half the time I don't personally KNOW these people. I usually have to check with my mom, and nine times out of ten, they're former clients of my dad's (we spent a lot of time at his veterinary practice), but I wouldn't recognize them if I saw them. One girl worked with my brothers, and had a keen interest because she'd gone from my size to running marathons, but I'd also never met her. It's obvious that they just remember the name when my manicurist brings it up. I don't think she's gossiping per se, she just seems really proud, and to her credit when I looked a little "off" when she mentioned it today, she apologized for talking out of turn about me, which really she didn't. My loss is pretty visible.

All of the comments are positive, and I know that most if not all of these people want me to succeed, but it's bringing up a few issues for me. I feel like a little of the old school circus freak; on display and somewhat "lesser" than everyone else who doesn't have to lose close to 300 pounds. I'm painfully aware of the fact that even 100 pounds down, I'm 3 TIMES the size of someone of these women that are so proud. And I think of my dad, and how I'm sure many of them wonder if I'll succeed, or if my weight will kill me like it did him. Then of course... I start to wonder what the bad things I'm not hearing are.

Lastly, I'm a little shocked at how VISIBLE I am to everyone. My job does get me mentioned every once in a while, but for the most part, I'm stuck at my desk all day, and aside from sitting on the animal shelter board, I'm shamefully uninvolved in the community. I suppose it's a tribute to my dad that my name is remembered, and I do look exactly like him. But I stand out enough as it is at this size and height. A little anonymity would be nice. Now I'm worried everyone is checking out what I buy at the grocery store or reporting they saw me at a fast food place. Ok, that's taking insecurity to a whole new level, but all of this is weird for me.

Can I be in your fan club? You're awesome-sauce and deserve all the support and encouragement in the world, But I TOTALLY get how you feel!! Like EVERYONE is looking at you. Specially in a smaller town! (I am dreading going home next weekend... I haven't seen anyone in almost 40 lbs!) Sometimes, I just wish no one would notice any changes in me until I was done, at goal. Then I can be thinner and hotter and not all awkward inbetweeny, nothing fits right feelings! I am learning to just say thanks! and change the subject as quickly as possible lol

When you get those feelings like people might not be saying the best things about you, just assume that they are bitter and jealous of how awesome you are!!!

Oh my, I feel ya Miss Jane. I literally do wonder if people from school/church see me eating out on my Saturday "off-days" and think, "Oooooh, she slipped up!"...so I guess I carry insecurity to the next level! Haha! You really have done something remarkable though, something that takes more determination than many people can fathom let alone muster.

Jane, I totally get where you're coming from. I hate being the center of attention even when it's in a positive vein. But sounds like you live in a small town and small towns have almost a soap opera quality to them. We're all in everyone's business and nothing is kept hidden for very long. But, everyone is family as well and the kindness that small towns exhibit in times of need is overwhelming.

So, while it may be a little uncomfortable, view it as a town that has wrapped their arms around you and is rooting for your success. We all are! (You do know that you have a 3FC fan club, don't you!).

I believe everyone (most everyone) hates being the center of attention...especially when it's in regards to our weight, positive or not. But, in your case, it sounds like people are genuinely curious and excited about your progress.

I also was going to say the same thing Betsy said.....you have a fan base here as well!

RadioJane As someone who is 1/3 your size and doesn't know you (like those people you mention in your post), let me tell you: the only thoughts I have of you are awe and admiration. What you have done, what you are doing, is incredible, and you seem like such a thoughtful and sincere person. I am confident that people have nothing but kindness on their minds, although I know that doesn't make being a topic of conversation any easier

Hey Jane... I hope you know that there are so many people here that think your just wonderful and inspiring.. Your doing great things and you ARE such a nice and thoughtful person.. Keep up the great work girl!!

I am glad it's not bugging you too much! It's clear they mean it in a supportive way! Hmm...a fan club, eh? So long as they don't start fanning you with big leaves WHILE you get those nails done, I think you're good!

I'm so proud of how far you've come and I think the noticing may only increase with time. We're here to help support you if that gets uncomfortable!

__________________Weighing on the first of every month only! Countdown to the Calgary Stampede in July (and rocking the cowgirl look!)

I personally LOVE the attention I get from my weight loss. I am proud that I have done all the hard work to get where I am (as we all are). But I think the teacher AND child in me rears its head there! As a teacher, who has lost the weight a healthy way, I want to inspire and help everyone else do it. I have had so much support, that I just want to "pay it forward".

The child in me wants the attention and positive reinforcement that comes with losing 5 pounds short of half my starting weight. I find this at work, I want the pat on the back, I want people to acknowledge what I now know I am capable of. When I was at my heaviest, I wanted to say, "Hey, look what I can do!", but due to my weight, didn't want people to notice me. Now I am NOT shy about asking (and almost demanding) I get the positive attention I NEED, without being ashamed of asking for it.

Which I guess leads up to a whole nother discussion about not being afraid to get you needs met, but I don't want to highjack your thread! Maybe I'll start that one another day!