Jim Six: 'Sugar sugar' becomes a battle cry

(Note: Several hours after I wrote this column, a judge ruled Michael Bloomberg's ban on large sugary drinks couldn't take effect today as planned. I didn't change this column because it's still valid — especially if the mayor of New York tries it again.)

So, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has taken it upon himself to ban soft drinks bigger than 16 ounces.

As I understand it, food service companies —a pretty broad spectrum — are prohibited from serving the bigger drink sizes.

I’ve heard Bloomberg say something to the effect that he’s not banning anything, that it’s all about portion control.

It’s also, it seems to me, about costing people more money.

A 20-ounce bottle of Coca Cola is probably cheaper per ounce than a 16-ounce bottle.

I’ve read that pizza joints can no longer deliver a 2-liter bottle of soda to customers. So, if you want soda with your pizza delivery, you can’t get a $3 bottle of soda, you need to order a six pack of 16-ounce bottles for, say, $7.50.

Of course, you can still buy a 2-liter bottle of soda at the store; it just can’t be SERVED to you.

I can see a whole new black market for illegal sodas. You can become a Coke dealer and sell 20-ounce Cokes or Big Gulps or whatever.

Some people buy those big drinks because they take them to work to last them most of the work day. Not my style — ice-diluted, getting-flat cola doesn’t titillate my taste buds — but it should be their right to do this.

The mayor, the city, even the feds, should have no right to govern what you drink.

I understand Bloomberg has banned food donations to homeless shelters, salt, styrofoam and wants to ban guns in the city.

I’ll give up my 20-ounce Diet Coke when you pry it from my pudgy, dead fingers.

If Big Gulps are outlawed, only outlaws will have Big Gulps.

Maybe it could be like the grand old days of Prohibition, with outlaws warehousing large bottles of soda and selling them to fast food speakeasies, where you could illegally get 20-ounce Pepsis and a dozen ooey, gooey cream donuts.

Cops will set up sugar police to raid these stockpiles and speaks. I can see them storming backrooms and using axes to bust up the bottles and tanks of soda.

Underground sugary drink resistance groups could be formed.

They’ll need a flag. I envision a flag that depicts a snake curling around a 20-ounce drink cup with the words, “Don’t tread on me.”