The Power of Vulnerability

You ask me about my strengths, I tell you about my weaknesses. You ask me about my achievements, I tell you about my failures. You ask me about love, I tell you about heartbreak. You ask me about what went right, I tell you about all that went wrong.

All too often, we focus on the negatives in ourselves. I suppose it’s perfectionist tendencies and never feeling satisfied with good enough. Never beautiful enough, smart enough, thin enough, or likable enough. And while it’s healthy to always be striving for your full potential, reaching for an unattainable ideal can be downright exhausting.

At times I feel unworthy of happiness. I selectively numb myself of emotion as a defense mechanism to avoid the same pain I endured in the past. The trouble is, when you mindlessly go through the motions, numbing the pain, grief and worry, you also numb the good feelings and fail to experience joy, intimacy and compassion.When you finally put yourself out there and unlock your heart, you are opening yourself up to a world of vulnerability.

Vulnerability is powerful. It is key to cultivate intimacy in any and every relationship; emotional, physical, and spiritual. Vulnerability is the core of connection and keeping the spark alive. But vulnerability is scary. It requires us to give up complete control and be seen for who we truly are – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The word courage comes from the Latin “cor,” meaning “heart” – to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Vulnerability is having the courage to live in the grey area, where there are no promises for all that the future will hold. To say “I love you” first, to initiate sex, to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out, to love with your whole heart, even with no guarantee.

You will get hurt and you will get letdown, this is inevitable. We can shed this in a positive light as incompatibility in values or priorities, or we can build walls and protect ourselves from the possibility of being hurt again. But by avoiding the risks of vulnerability, we also shut out opportunity and possibility.

Be thankful you have watched people walk out of your life, for you learn the importance of making the most of what is in front of you, while you have the chance. Be thankful for suffering and heartbreak because it reminds you that you are strong enough to face the worst and still come back better than ever.

What is vulnerability exactly?

Vulnerability is uncertainty and risks.
Vulnerability is being open, honest and tender.
Vulnerability is choosing courage over comfort.
Vulnerability is showing up and being seen.
Vulnerability is going boldly and daring fiercely.
Vulnerability is admitting when you’re not okay.
Vulnerability is giving abundantly.
Vulnerability is building trust over walls.
Vulnerability is authenticity in your words and actions.
Vulnerability is practicing gratitude and grace in the moments of overwhelm.
Vulnerability is believing we are enough.
Vulnerability is the driving force of human connection.

What is vulnerability not?

Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness.
Vulnerability is not feelings of inadequacy, judgement, and jealousy.
Vulnerability is not shame and apologizing for having feelings.
Vulnerability is not constantly needing to prove our worth and value to others.
Vulnerability is not biting your tongue when you want to be honest.
Vulnerability is not perfectionism, the fear of failing and making mistakes.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”Today, I urge you to realize that your happiness is fully in your hands. Never give away this power by allowing the actions of others to dictate how you feel. Learn the compassion to love and be kind to yourself first, and then to others. For you can’t give away what you don’t yet have within yourself.

Vulnerability is the place where creativity, passion, and love are born. Only if we are courageous enough to open our minds, hearts and souls to the unknown, with the bravery to be imperfect. Let go of what you think your life should embody, and believe you are enough.

I have flaws it’s true. But my vulnerability is what makes me beautiful.

What could happen if you open up, take a chance, let yourself be vulnerable?

Reflection after watching Dr. Brené Brown’s Top 10, 2010 TEDx talk, The Power of Vulnerability. I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.

As I was reading through your post, Brene Brown came to my mind and when I got to the end, I knew why! I just started reading her book Rising Strong and it is POWERFUL. Definitely pick it up and give it a read. You’ll love it.

And you are so right. Being vulnerable is so scary, but it’s so worth it. Brene shares a quote in Rising Strong that says “The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear more whole or more acceptable, but our wholeness–even our wholeheartedness–actually depends on the integration of all our experiences, including the falls.” This has been on my mind a lot and I love the new perspective it’s given me. Good luck in your journey to being more vulnerable. It’s something we have to choose every day. 🙂

I always feel like my being vulnerable is being weak. I am so glad to read a post that tells me different. I never saw it as courage! I always thought being open and honest about myself would make people find the weak spot to pick at and could hurt me. I

I really liked this line, “I urge you to realize that your happiness is fully in your hands. Never give away this power by allowing the actions of others to dictate how you feel. ” I agree wholeheartedly. I also think you have to take chances and risks. If you risk nothing then there is nothing to gain. You can’t go about life doing the same thing and expecting different results. I try to live by these words whenever I feel nervous or scared to try something new.

Being vulnerable is super difficult for me — I have a lot of pride and am self-deprecating as hell (defense mechanism!). I do think it’s important to learn to ‘open up’ and allow some vulnerability in our lives at some point!

This is an amazing post! I am learning to be more vulnerable every day. Being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Always being authentic and true to myself. It is hard though. My main battle is getting over the fears of “what will they think and say about me”. Day by day I am starting to care less and build more courage to just be me!

““The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – This is so true. The beautiful people I have met are the ones who have experienced so many things 🙂 People are who they are from their experiences.

This is such a powerful piece. I think I have watched that TED talk and it makes me realize that what makes life worthwhile is to take courage. I think showing vulnerability is courage. I think it is brave for a person to show the world what a person is made of- the positive and the negative.

Thank you for this post! I really appreciate your honesty. Being vulnerable can be so hard to do, especially with the “ideal standards” today’s society puts out on social media. But vulnerability is so beautiful! Hopefully more people will be to learn and appreciate that. 🙂

I am forever telling myself and other women that it is okay to be happy with ourselves and to even pat ourselves on the backs and tell others of our achievements. To often, we keep them inside and don’t appreciate who awesome we are. Great post.

Great post, thanks for writing about something that isn’t usually spoken about. We all need a little vulnerability in our lifes, we can’t go around showing a ‘brave face’ when actually we need to be honest and open up to people about what we actually feel.

Vulnerability is important because we need a balance in our lives. Hate is also part of love, and admitting that you’re also vulnerable is part of being a brave, courageous, and powerful person. That is how I see myself now when I admit that I have a wounded heart – I am vulnerable, but I have courage to allow myself to be like that.

Being a perfectionist is really tough — they never seem able to get out of the cycle of criticism long enough to get anything done. It’s such a great disservice to have grown up in a society that demanded people never be vulnerable.

I love that you talk about vulnerability. It’s not a topic so commonly discussed among people. My favorite part is that happiness is fully in my hands. A lot of people don’t realize this so it’s always a good idea to keep spreading the love!

It’s a great message, and I’m glad you shared it! I often fall into perfectionist modes. I self-deprecate to be funny, but also to make sure that I’m getting the first punch in so that others don’t do it (so to speak). Allowing myself to vulnerable, particularly creatively, is tough for me, but I don’t think I’ll grow as an artist (or as a person) unless I try. 🙂

Love your post. I can relate because I’m learning about vulnerability in my mental health recovery.
When I first started to learn to cry in front of others, I never realised this was a sign of vulnerability until someone pointed that out to me. Also, to me, honesty is a form of vulnerability. Safety is a key factor in the absence and presence of vulnerability.

I love Brene Brown, but I have yet to watch that TED Talk. Thanks for the reminder to watch it!

This is a lovely post, but it is still easier said than done! I got tired of putting myself out there, being vulnerable and unfortunately being hurt again and again, now I feel like I don’t have the energy to do that again! Until I meet someone I fall for of course, then I know I will go through all that again – having faith that one day it will be worth it! Its not easy but we have to have hope too that making ourselves vulnerable will one day work out 🙂

I really think it is true that our experiences make us stronger and it is up to us to find our own happiness. I love that you are so encouraging. I bet you empower a lot of people. I know it took me a long time, but i am finally in charge of my own happiness.

Knowing your vulnerability ahead, will help you to assess your status and sitiation and plan for mitigation techniques to makes minimizes those vulnerabilities. Just like in technology, before the others attacked your system through your vulnerabilities, you must have planned it 10steps ahead.. if there are some flaws after, it will be minimal.

TEDX talks always inspire me and you’re completely right about vulnerability when you say it’s having the courage to admit you’re not okay. So many people are afraid to feel vulnerable so they don’t see help, but like you, I think vulnerability makes us stronger.

“You ask me about my strengths, I tell you about my weaknesses. You ask me about my achievements, I tell you about my failures. You ask me about love, I tell you about heartbreak. You ask me about what went right, I tell you about all that went wrong.”

You nailed it! That is exactly what I am. ha.. ha.. Trying to improve on it though..

Very powerful message and you have beautifully written it. Never thought of it this way and I love the pics you have attached with this post. You look stunning in that blue dress, such a beautiful smile.
Xo,
Shreyahttps://mymagicaltrunk.com/

Such an important topic and you wrote so beautifully. A lo of time people take ‘Vulnerability’ in a negative way or like a not so good ability, but contrary to things, being vulnerable makes us more aware of our surrounding and relations.

This post is so inspiring 🙂 I have a hard time being vulnerable because I feel afraid of being judged or hurt – but you’re so right, it’s the best way to connect. Thanks so much for sharing and giving that little push to put myself out there a bit more 😉

This is such an inspiring post that really touches my heart. I can relate to the Vulnerability Not more often than I should. I finally allowed myself be vulnerable when I met my husband almost 13 years ago but with other family and acquaintances never.

A lovely moving post and just what I love to read and write about, I think fear and judgement have replaced so many of our emotions these days, I am learning that vulnerability is okay and not a weakness but a sign of strength.

This is a great post, and something I can work on. I think it does take great strength to be vulnerable and I tend to like to be in control, and to me, vulnerability gives over control to someone else. That is huge for me. Even with people I know, love and trust.

This is such a wonderful and moving feature! I find a lot of truth in your words and can relate to themin many ways.It takes great strength to be vulnerable because we are trusting and baring our souls with someone.