Sunday, January 20, 2013

BODY BATTLES

Many years ago a fellow I knew said laughingly, “My scalp is
hosting a big battle: it’s my dad’s gene
for early baldness fighting against my mom’s gene for early graying. Keeps me
wondering who is going to win. I’m not
crazy for either one of them.” I retorted
that at least it was better than the battle my body faced, my dad’s gene for
long livers or my mom’s gene for early demise.
He agreed that his battle was better.

I’ve always remembered that little conversation. My mother died at 71 and I’ve certainly
outlived her, but I just can’t imagine hanging on another 17 years to beat my
dad’s record. (And who would want to!). However, there is another minor little race
that has developed in my body, and that is between my teeth and my hearing.

The dentist said that teeth were not made to last beyond a
normal life span of seventy years, and once you cross that line, fillings
become loose and fall out, decay happens under them, they all need either root
canals or implants, and moreover, to be presentable we all need Lumineers on
our teeth at $1,000 a tooth. Furthermore, the handbook of dentistry says we
don’t pull teeth anymore unless we are going to do implants. Bridges?
Forget it. False teeth? NEVER!
These new dentists consider original teeth to be sacred. Worth saving at all costs, and costly they
are!

And what does the audiologist say about my ears? Nothing.
The reason he doesn't is because I don’t bother to go be tested. I am well aware that my hearing is getting
worse and worse. The audiologist will
tell me that it is a waste to spend $1,000 on low end hearing aids, it’s best
to pop for $5,000+ and get two of the very latest hearing aids that are set by
a computer and will last at least a year if you are lucky, (not mentioning the
chronic cost of new batteries.) So since I know I’m not going to pay that kind
of money for hearing aids, why pay him for telling me just how bad my hearing
is.

How I wish that in my old age it were only my hair thinning
that I had to combat or my eyes with baggy lids that have made inroads into my
older self. In my darkest imaginings I
visualize myself trudging into my 80s using an ear horn and wearing wooden
false teeth like George Washington. And the
crowning indignity - bald.