Trijam, Part 3 of 3

In the middle of our game jam, I got the flu. Then I tried to act like I didn’t have the flu, and I got pinkeye. So I was in bed for the major part of 3 weeks, and that put a huge cramp in game jamming, not to mention, preparing for the spring semester.

Once I started feeling better—that is, I still had pinkeye, but it no longer ached like a cheese grater vibrating on my corneas—I spent the better part of 3 days preparing for new classes.

I tried to review 2-4 games a day from the game jams we participated in. Community is important, and it doesn’t take as much brainpower to play browser games for 15-30min as, say, shape a universe with words.

I know “shape a universe with words” is a bit dramatic, but when I write on Wattpad, it feels that intense. I feel like I’m channeling my deepest self into this online space—and while my friends and family may not regularly read it, I have loyal readers. I have people who care about what I’m doing, and who are on top of the latest content, ranging from within hours to weeks.

It’s a real-deal thing. It isn’t me learning something, like game development. It isn’t me playing around, like blogging. It’s my MFA in Creative Writing. It’s my dream. It’s part of who I am. I made it.

Writing’s my first art form—I was writing before I ever started gaming, programming, or composing—so this is why I think the intensity runs deep, even if it weren’t for the MFA, the Wattys, the readers.

The pressure’s innate. And now amplified.

Meanwhile, drawing is my zeroth art form. It emerged before I was counting. I miss it. I was doodling on my trigonometry syllabus. I draw the same eyes, over and over. I took a pink highlighter to one of them.

Full-circle to the pinkeye: it’s the intensity of Wattpad that doesn’t make it mesh well with illness. What’s more, I’m finishing one of the manuscripts this week; A Shapeshifter, Cyborg, & Wisp will be done. Not done-done. Stage one done. Enough “done” to make me palpitate.

Plus, American Catseye is ranking #1 epic poem again.

Onto my nerves.

I am nerve-wracked. I am nervous. My sentences don’t always come out of my mouth in the right order.

I must regain my immune system so it can help with my nerves.

Setting that internal-world-meets-illness struggle aside, we still had fun with the game jams. With Chase’s help, we finished Interstellar Orphan. We’re adding more to it in February. (Hint: HEARTS.)

Also, I’m signed up for the FFS game jam to release a demo of Worlds They Dream. That means I need to finish a playable version of my “big game” by the end of the month, along with catching up on Wattpad.

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Published by Kourtnie

Kourtnie McKenzie completed her MFA (Fiction) at Fresno State and BA in English from Cal State Fullerton. Visit Kourtnie.net to read her dev blog or fey.earth to try out her games and stories.
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