Thursday, June 5, 2008

Greetings, parishoners! There will be a new review up on MMMMMovies tomorrow (another piece of cinematic obscurity courtesy our good friend Karswell), but in the meantime there are a few things that, as your spiritual leader, I felt compelled to point you toward in the wilds of the Interweb--

Speaking of Karswell, over at The Horrors of It All! this week the esteemed reprobate is running a week-long celebration of pre-code Horror Comics cheesecake--leggy dames and perverted monsters aplenty! Go on over and feast your eyes on all the twisted eroticism your dad and grand-dad used to enjoy in their virile youth!

If you were ever scarred by horror movies as a child (and let's face it, who wasn't?) then you should really spend a few hours over at Kindertrauma, your one-stop shop for childhood trauma. Of especial interest lately are Unkle Lanciferand Aunt John's wonderful series of "Faux-sters," posters for horror movies that were never made but should have been. Also check out the "Trauma-fessions" archive and see if others have the same scars you do--there are even a couple from the Vicar himself!

And last but certainly not least, the Duke and I have formed a political alliance with the Empress of the Tenebrous Empire, a monarch whose wit, intelligence, and taste in Eurotrash makes the both of us blush like schoolboys. Nunsploitation, fashion tips, and more await you on the Love Train for the Tenebrous Empire, so check it out!

In fact, Tenebrous Kate's paeans to 70s sleaze and learned essays on the topic of Jess Franco's films inspired the Vicar to sharpen his quill and pen a sonnet in the Empress's honor, hoping to gain poetic patronage. Behold the results:

La Belle Dame Tenebrous

Was it just happenstance, or some dread fatethat led me first to wander these dark hallswhere such a terrifying beauty crawlsamongst what shadows lie beyond her gate?

The music of her black tenebrous choirrings in my ears, and all around me fallher rains of blood, a warning come too late:while yonder on the plain below us sprawlthe gathered multitudes of her Empire--we soldiers pledged in servitude to Kate.

I cannot actually bow to you, since I am still in the service of the Tenebrous Empire and not yet permitted, but I will tip my tiara nonetheless. Perhaps the Empress may loan me out as personal tailor for the Vicarage or Duchy at some point.

Thanks for your kind words! I believe there is no conflict of interest for you, as I have recently accepted the title of Grand Vizier of the Tenebrous Empire, whose duties I perform in addition to my responsibilities at the Vicarage. Perhaps we should schedule a tailoring session for my robes of state? Or at least a new mitre...

I'll have to put "Witchery" on my ever-growing "to be watched" list. I often get it confused with Superstition, which I also need to rewatch/review.

And Karswell, you can always count on me to administer the tickly plug...no, wait, that's not right... :)

Thanks for the shout out and for putting us in such great company Vicar! HORRORS OF IT ALL rules and between you and me, we've torn down our Dee Wallace shrine at kindertrauma castle and replaced it with a gold statue of Tenebrous Kate!Long may she reign!