Fun with Ebay

I’m starting to sell some fucked-up shit on ebay so that I can buy some more fucked-up shit on ebay. It’s a vicious circle, and a sign that I probably need help. Regardless, my decapitated, possibly-haunted, broken robot is already at $46 and that pays for at least a dozen lightly-used glass eyeballs.

Also, the shipping is $25 in the US (it’s crazy heavy because of the motor on the bottom) or free if you just want the dismembered head. And if you win I’ll throw in a free, signed copy of my book. Or I’ll leave it out if you think that lowers the value of the overall package. It’s totally up to you.

I’m now being haunted by this thing on Twitter AND Facebook (and sometimes eBay, when I feel the need to see how far its price has gone up). I need to be less obsessed with you, but I can’t. It’s too much fun.

Or the part where it says people who bought this have also bought these items: and there is kid’s bedroom decorations. Lol, clearly people want the dead drummer to eat their children, and obviously there have been others for sale

These are definitely the best Q & A I’ve ever seen in an eBay auction. Can I buy just the Q & A? Is shipping free for just the Q & A?
Also, I’m fairly certain the robot closely resembles what my wife would look like were I to buy this.

eBay is such a scary place. Not because of the items but because of how it becomes an addiction and getting out is like Hollywood’s take on leaving the Mafia. Only you have to bid on the horsehead in your bed which sort of makes it even worse.

Oh man. If I had any sort of disposable income, I’d be in such trouble on eBay….Also, wouldn’t it be awesome to turn the head over and use it as a candy dish? Because it’d be like giving candy to all those poor children souls stuffed inside.

Please tell me you’ve seen the “more like this” section… Undies, Jeff Foxworthy albums and a possibly haunted doll that may or may not trash your house. Oh my. Perhaps I’ve been blaming the kids for the work of evil dolls!

I honestly don’t know what’s more disturbing: the pictures of that creepy doll, or the questions asked by potential bidders. It also reminds me of the commercial with the family who ordered the creepy clown doll online and then decide it has to go. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKGKB5bc9DU

So it is $62 dollars shipping if you use the “I do not care when it gets here because it endangers more mail people that way” option, and just $20 if you elect to use the “I want it in my neighborhood stealing children souls tomorrow” option. Either way, it sounds like a win-win to me.

Yep, as has been noted above, people who bought this Haunted Robot also bought Bert & Ernie wall decals. Because they come alive in the night and battle the Haunted Robot. Seriously, the Bert & Ernie wall decals are your friends and protectors, you will need them to survive the Haunting. So if you buy the Robot, you better buy Bert & Ernie, too.

the questions may just be the best part! I wish I had enough to bid on this, I think it would keep the cats from nibbling on things they shouldn’t ever again. And finally convince everyone that I should never ever be allowed on the internet

When you have company that have over stayed their welcome ie 12 minutes after arriving, you could set the head out in the bathroom and when they ask where the soap is you can yell out ‘ just squeeze the demented child doll head’s eyeballs until liquid comes out…that should be soap or brains, both work.

Okay, has anyone else noticed, in the third pic, that it looks like there’s a demon in the neck, with its hand resting just near the collar? Just me, then?
Hey–where’s my cat? She was just here a minute ago. Oh, god, kitty, you didn’t look it in the eyes, did you?!

So this has nothing to do with this post exactly, or at all. So I am writing this too you Jenny as i am in the hotel Lobby at the computers they have in London. I am writing becuase for a long time i wanted your book, and i bought it friday, the one witht he new chapter, at JFK airport friday on my way over. I have been a long time reader of your blog and it has moved me a lot, but y0our book more so. I was wondering if there was a PO Box where i could send you a hand written letter in all my crazy glory. I much perfer a letter as one its a lost art and secondly, i can take more time with it than here. Your book and teh topics you talk about on your blog and in your book hit close to home for me and it helps. You are a person who truly helps by being you and not pretending to be something you are not.

Welp now that i have gushed, time to get one last pint in jolly ol England before i pack to go home. I basically just want to steel another pint ghlass to have a mathcing set. My dad just broke the one i stole from a pub a block or so over. So exscuse me while i commit petty theft for the thrill of it.

Thanks again for just being so awesome, and you as you are. And sorry this has nothing to do with your post, but this is the most comprehensible thing i could put out right now with out taking my time and spending a massive amount of time typing, which i am doing anyways. all right im done, i swear. Thanks lot Bloggess, you are more awesome than a possum.

At the bottom of the page along with the Bert and Ernie stickers, Ebay suggests buying the children’s book “Always Kiss Me Goodnight.” Because, if you put this haunted robot in your kid’s room, that’ll be the last time you kiss your living child.

Is it’s face supposed to look like it’s covered in Ritz cracker crumbs? I’m not supposed to think it looks a bit edible, right? Oh god, I’ve been possessed by the devil, who wants more maw-crunching, haven’t I?

You know, I’m not sure which is better; the listing itself or the fucked up Q and A sesh at the bottom! I also don’t know which I love more…you and the craziness that is YOU or the crazy ass readers you have here! I’m in Texas, if I bid and win this damn thing, can we meet somewhere just so I can bask in all your glory?

Does that guy live on Drury Lane? Because that is the most creepy looking gingerbread looking mo fo I have ever seen. I buried a child’s hermit crab tonight so maybe I am just in a paranormal state of mind. Fingers crossed it doesn’t get un burried by a creature of the night. I can’t have Pet Semetary up in here with Hermit Crabs.

Oh great. eBay, yet another place I need to find time to search for oddities…
You have already given me enough fodder to waste my afternoons on Youtube, old Bloggess posts and trying to work out this fercokta Twitter for Bloggess updates.

Sooooooooo, just a note: If you select the third picture of the crazy robot where the head is detached but you can still see the rest of it….. IT LOOKS LIKE THERE IS A CREEPY GHOST FACE IN THE NECK OF THE ROBOT. Go check it out…………THERE! SEE! It looks like a little girl with her hair blowing to the left (her right) It also kinda looks like the little girl on the playbill of Les Miserables. Just saying.

1) The bid is now at $76. Good for you, Jenny.
2) The questions and answers are awesome. You should compile them into a post.
3) How can Ebay have a section “people who bought this item also bought”, when no one has bought the Haunted Robot yet? Can Ebay tell the future? Do they already know who is going to win the bid? And how do Tinker Bell wall stickers compare to a Haunted Robot?

Holy crap! I didn’t realize how gargantuan that thing was until I clicked on the picture of you holding it’s head. That adds a whole new level of creepy to it. Such a bargain to get that much ‘creepy’ for $76. I’ll be interested to see how much it sells for and keep watching the Q&A section, because those people make me smile. I think I might just need to mark this auction as something to watch for the Q&A section alone. I’m also excited to see what you buy with the money you make off this auction. You find the best ‘stuff.’

Ok, so someone has probably already mentioned this, but you get a lot of comments and I need to leave work, so I’m just going to throw this out there…..THERE’S TOTALLY A FACE STARING OUT OF ITS NECK!!!! Or where the neck should start….whatever. The point is….no wonder it keeps popping up on your pillow! That third picture has totally creeped the hell out of me now!!

That is one creepy looking… doll… thing. Yeah. Like that United States Postal Service tv commercial, where they’re all like: “Dude, we gotta get rid of this creepy-ass clown that some asshole sent us”, and the post man is all like: “Hey, if it fits, it ships. HOLY CRAP, IT JUST MOVED AND IS NOW STARING AT US, CALL THE F***KING VATICAN.”

Also, yes, there is a creepy girl’s face in the third ebay photo. Thanks for making my nightmares more terrifying Aimee and Carol.

so between being annoyed at the readers that were snotty about the listing and wanting to rub my butt all over this haunted robot but can’t because i can’t be sure he wouldn’t spontaneously drum in even numbers i sit here spellbound!!!!!

okay so I checked out the ebay site and at the side of the page there was a tab that said ” see more items like this” and was like okay and hit it which showed a bunch of freaky crazy satan dolls and then in the middle there was a TOASTER! who in the f#ck thinks a toaster should be in the same group with freaky satan dolls, but while writing this I thought, well maybe freaky satan dolls like toast, I mean who doesn’t like toast? right?

My favorite part is the “People who bought this item also bought.” Wish I could attach a photo. Here are the listings:
In The Jungle Large Wall Decals / Sticker…
Minnie Mouse Bow-Tique Wall …
Family Like Branches on a Tree We all G… (really want to hear the end of that sentence)
TANK ARMY 48.5″ x 21.5″ SUDD …
Owl Tree Home Decor WALL STICK …

Essentially, a lot of decorative wall hangings. To go with your haunted robot, I suppose.

I am gonna need you to begin writing that “Who” episode right now. Gatiss and Moffat would NEVER able to say,”no” to that script! They live for soul-sucking, fear-inducing, heartbreaking stories like that!

Whoever buys it should then dress it like a ghost. That way, when the Scooby Doo gang shows up, they will come in all cocky and unprepared for what is coming, “It’s not really a ghost. It’s just…Holy Shit! What the Hell is That!”, followed by lots of panic.

What happened to it? It’s gone from ebay after selling for something like $152… some people just have too much money and time! LOL! Did it delete itself because it doesn’t want to leave you? It likes you, your barn, your attic…your brains! Muhaahaa!

HA!! this is SO on point. I did ebay for many, many years and often thought it would be funny to sell a “haunted microwave” or even some weirder shit, just to see how crazy people really are and for my own amusement. this is awesome.