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Dirty Dietz Detests: The USA Hockey Jerseys

We are #100DaysOut from the 2018 Winter Olympics, and with that, USA Hockey decided to reveal their hockey jerseys (pictured above). What the fuck are those? Who the hell saw those and thought: “Those are straight fire! No way those don’t sell out.”

Normally, I would say that simple designs are better when it comes to hockey jerseys (Think Montreal, Detroit, and Chicago), but they somehow managed to over-simplify and at the same time do too much. The whole torso area is plain as fuck. Literally just the USA badge, letters, and the Nike logo on the front; no stripes, nothing. And holy shit are those arms terrible. They make me want to gouge my eyes out and live my life like Stevie Wonder a blind person. I really have no idea what the fuck they were trying to go with there.

The worst part about this is that Team USA has had some perfect jerseys in the past. Why mess with a good thing? The 1960 Olympic jersey may be one of the best jerseys of all time. I mean take a look at this, and tell me it isn’t perfect:

Of course that picture is from when they re-used the design back in 2010. I actually own that exact jersey, and it is probably my favorite that I own. Ryan Miller was hands down the best player in the Olympics that year, shame they only walked away with Silver.

The 1980 Miracle on Ice jerseys are pretty great too.

This is America. We need to go out there and stunt on the rest of the world. How are we supposed to do that with sleeves that look like they belong on swim trunks. Trash.

First they take away NHL players from the Olympics, and now they decided to make the team look like a bunch of jerkoffs out there. Of course, I’m still pulling for the team, and I can’t wait to watch, but those sweaters may very well be the worst of all time. SAD!