You remember slow-dancing to Boyz II Men and “Truly Madly Deeply” at prom with Tina!

You know the cartoons on Cartoon Network that are on now aren’t anywhere near as good as the stuff that was on when YOU were a kid!

Man, whatever happened to Tina? That was the greatest night of your life.

You dropped out of college after a year, then went to trade school to become an auto mechanic, but failed at that, too!

You still live with your parents, and are unemployed! You’re a goddamn adult, and you live with your parents, you sad piece of shit!

Holy fuck, Tina is married now. Jesus. She has kids.

She’s married to TOM ANDERSON? You used to beat the shit out of Tom Anderson! That guy sucked!

What the fuck happened to you? You used to be the shit in high school. Star wide receiver, could have any girl you wanted, prom king… shit.

Your mom’s book club is coming over tonight, so you need to get out of the basement. It doesn’t matter where you go, you just need to get out of the house, but that’ll be tough because your license is suspended after that DUI!