Ben Affleck’s Big Penis Was The Talk Of The PGA Awards

Like every other Guild in Hollywood, the Producer’s Guild of America held an awards show this week. Which wouldn’t be that interesting in and of itself, if they hadn’t spent half the proceedings talking about Ben Affleck and his supposedly huge dong.

While accepting an award on stage at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, CBS mega producer Chuck Lorre said that at last week’s Golden Globe Awards, he peed at the urinal next to Affleck, telling the audience, “Yes I peeked. And yes, Comic Con, he can play Batman.”

Because… Batman has… a huge penis? Because Batman can pee standing up? I don’t even get it, but honestly, that’s about the caliber of joke I expect from the creator of Two and Half Men and Big Bang Theory. Also, this guy was accepting an award? He should be getting pelted with crabapples.

Later, Affleck threw gasoline on the dick fire with his own callback:

“I was at the bar briefly, and I came back to my seat and somebody said, ‘You know, there was a guy up on stage who said you have a big d–k,'” the Oscar winner joked to the audience. “I was like, ‘You know, isn’t that always how it goes? The one time it happens and I miss it!’ Thank you very much. Whoever you are, God bless you. I’m often confused with Matt Damon but rarely with Michael Fassbender, so…”

I’m pretty sure Fassbender’s dong was an integral part of “12 Years a Slave” because he was always sporting a chubby in those purple pants. This was obviously relevant to his character because he was on rape duty all the time.