Saturday, July 13, 2013

Some Guy Is Suing Apple Because He Wants Apple to Protect Him from Porn

In this most ridiculous lawsuit that should expose the idiocy of mankind and/or lawsuits in general, a lawyer is suing Apple because of porn. Seriously. The lawyer is seeking damages against Apple because it makes devices that can display porn. He wrote a 50 page complaint over this!

Chris Sevier, an attorney in Nashville, is the plaintiff in this inane lawsuit and he wants Apple to install a filter in its browser to block all Internet porn. That is a real thing a real person wants. He suggests that if a person over 18 wants to view porn, that they contact Apple and "sign a form acknowledge the ills of pornography, and receive a code to remove the filter." That is a real thing a real person wants.

He uses words like "biological sensibilities of a male" and "cyber beauties" and that Apple employees know "that a man is born full of harmonies and attacked to by women engaging in sexual acts with the intent to cause vicarious appeal". To quote Sevier himself in the lawsuit:

UNFAIR COMPETITION AND INTERFERENCE OF THE MARITAL CONTRACT: The Plaintiff became totally out of synch in his romantic relationship with his wife, which was a consequence of his use of his Apple product. The Plaintiff began desiring, younger more beautiful girls featured in porn videos than his wife, who was no longer 21. His failed marriage caused the Plaintiff to experience emotional distress to the point of hospitalization. The Plaintiff could no longer tell the difference between internet pornography and tangible intercourse due to the content he accessed through the Apple products, which failed to provide him with warnings of the dangers of online pornography whatsoever.

He also tells of accidentally misspelling facebook which led him to fuckbook and how Apple basically needs to protect people from themselves. It's high comedy. Seriously, there's so much ridiculousness in this lawsuit. Read the whole 50 page thing here. It's the best worst thing of the day. [Lawsuit, Above the Law via Daring Fireball]