Help! I am attempting to return an iPod. It happened like this, our family was at the Strawberry Soccer Tournament in Camarillo on Sunday, May 20th 2007. We arrived around 10 AM and had to park in the dirt lot. We got out of the van, collected our chairs and cool drinks etc. Just as we began walking towards the grass I looked down at the dirt in front of me (I am always treasure hunting) and actually spotted something silver! It was an iPod Nano- complete with headphones. I picked it up to see if it was completely destroyed having been lying there in the dirt for who knows how long. It appeared to be in tact, so I decided I would keep it out of harm's way and try to find the rightful owner. My husband suggested placing it right where I found it in hopes that the owner might retrace their steps. I vetoed that thinking that some other person might find it and not even attempt to return it.

So once we settled in to our place on the grass, I dutifully turned it over to our in house iPod expert (aka oldest son - computer boy) to see what we could learn. He could tell just from glimpsing it at a distance that it was a second generation Nano. The same as our daughter's- but hers has an inscription on the back with her name and phone number. No such luck with this Nano. So we turned it on, and to my surprise it was charged, and we went into settings to see if the name was programmed in. All that was there was the first initial, J. and the last name, Davis. Hmmmmm not too helpful.

I figured some kid probably had it in his pocket and it dropped out. I decided to see (snoop) what kind of music this person had on the iPod. Much to my surprise, there were only 19 songs, and judging from the selection, this device did not belong to anyone younger than the boomer set. Those songs took me back some 30 years. Furthermore, computer boy noted that the last time it was updated was back in 2006! Wow. This set my Aquarian brain gears into motion- trying to imagine who would bother to have a sophisticated device like this and use so little of its capacity. Kind of like me with my brain heh heh heh.No photos were uploaded- and only 19 old- timer songs.

After further introspection as to the owner of the iPod based on the musical selections it contained, I figured it had to belong to a dad somewhere near my age. Someone who probably had to beg his kid to put some music on his new toy. The 19 songs could get him through a semi decent workout. Maybe he won it in a work drawing, or it was given to him. I assumed he must be a tad techno phobic if he had owned the Nano over a year and only had 19 songs on it. Maybe he accidentally lost all of his music and was in the process of re uploading it?

In any event, being as attached as I am to my eh, ahem, Video iPod with it's 1386 songs (some of which I have never heard!) and 2343 photos, (all of which I have taken), I felt his pain at having "lost his device"- tee hee hee (sorry about that- my childhood friend's French Canadian mother used to refer to that unique piece of male anatomy as a "device" and this truly wasn't nearly so dire as a Bobbit situation!)

I figured that since we had camped out near the Ref Tent, I would start there. Figuring that this dude was near my hubby's age, there was the possibility that he might also be a ref. I looked through the entire book. No such luck. Darn. I tried to locate the lost and found, but "found" that it was "lost" in the shuffle. How odd that there was no official lost and found at the tournament- but I guess that it would simply entail yet another volunteer, and I wasn't stepping up to the plate, so why would anyone else? I decided all further investigation as to the owner of the silver second generation iPod Nano with 19 songs from the late 70's would just have to wait until we got home, and I could place a call to Apple to see if the dad blasted device- tee hee hee- was registered (oh perish the thought of registering uh er French Canadian "devices"!)

So on the way home the two middle boys were arguing over who could assume ownership of the silver Nano. My hubby even tossed his hat into the ring, but I insisted that I would locate the owner some way some how. I was sure in my heart that it would be registered with Apple, or that I could contact one of those AYSO soccer people who keep track of tournament attendees and players etc.

So about a week after the tournament, the guilt over not taking any action towards getting the iPod back to its owner finally forced me into action. I went on the Apple site and contacted tech support and told them of my mission. Second Generation? That old? Might not have any info....... Nope, no J. Davis is registered. Well doggone it! I asked if mine was registered and was relieved to find out that it was. Mine also has my first and last name inputted in the About section and a mailing address label stuck to it. I'd be devastated if it were to go missing. I suffer palpitations when I have to put it on charge for a few hours.

Next, I did contact some soccer big whigs who referred me to the gal who organized the Strawberry Soccer Tournament, and I sent her an email telling her I found J. Davis' iPod Nano, and did she have any record of a child with a parent who lost their iPod at the Strawberry Fest Tournament? Well- sorry to report- no reply from her. Sheesh! I never thought it would be so hard to return something.

So it sits on my computer desk haunting me. I decided to devote this month's Muse to it. You know that Six Degrees of Separation concept? Someone who reads my column (HAR HAR HAR) might know someone with the last name of "Davis" (so unusual you know) who has a child or teen who plays AYSO Tournament soccer, who mentioned losing their silver iPod Nano. Here, I will attempt to crack the code and bring sample names some reader might recognize- John Davis, Jay Davis, Jim Davis, James Davis, Jared Davis, Jerrold Davis, Jack Davis, Jake Davis, Jerry Davis, Jacob Davis, Jordan Davis, Jeremy Davis, Joe Davis, Joseph Davis, Joey Davis, and I am sure there are more, but I will leave it at that.

Once again, I am officially requesting that all loyal readers mention to everyone they know to mention to everyone they know or at least email a link to this page to everyone in their address book pleading with them to forward the email to everyone in their email address book lest they become doomed with seven years back luck for breaking the chain- oh wait- I hate those emails..... and don't do them. But I would like to get this iPod back to Mr. Davis.

Plan B is to give it to anyone who emails Jewel and gets 10 of the 19 song titles correct. Free iPod Nano pre loaded with boomer music. There. That ought to at least bring some internet traffic to this modest little mommy page. The contest ends September 30, 2007, so email your guesses before then, and I will post the 19 songs in the October Muse.

Maybe Mr. Davis is so over his Nano loss and has moved on to an iPhone? Those were just released today. Computer boy and Princess girl (who is very technologically inclined as well) went the Northridge mall to try to take a peek as they were released at 6 PM this evening, but the line was three deep and three stores long. We'll just have to wait until the dust settles. Hey, maybe i'll find one at a future soccer tournament....... I look forward to reading your music selection guesses!

Ode To Rick

(6/21/07 Jewel)

They buried your ashes today,

But it doesn't feel like you're gone,

Just temporarily away.

To your wife and your son,

Your absence is more real,

They can't pretend that in time their pain will heal.

But they've got to go on,

Knowing your wish is for them to stay strong.

It was all such a shock,

None of us saw it just around the block.

Not one of us knows how long we'll be here,

Losing our loved ones is our greatest fear.

We feel you in everyday things,

The rustle of the leaves,

The songs the bird sings.

You're the blue in the sky,

Why did you have to die?

I can remember when we took a trip,

Up to your house, you fed us tri-tip.

Next morning it was flapjacks you made,

You taught me your pancake tricks of the trade.

Although in the flesh, you are no longer here,

You could be watching from another sphere.

Every time we smell a cigar,

We'll think of you smiling from afar.

They buried your ashes today,

But it doesn't feel like you're gone,

Just temporarily away.

***

4th of July Jokes

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?

The Americans licked the British!

***

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?

Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

***

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?

To get to the other tide!

***

What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?

A Hessian procession!

***

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?

Yankee Poodle!

***

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?

Yeah, it cracked me up!

***

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?

The Fodder of Our Country!

***

What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?

A revolutionary warthog!

***

Teacher: "Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?"

Student: "I think it was Thomas Jeffer's son."

***

What did King George think of the American colonists?

He thought they were revolting!

***

Why were the early American settlers like ants?

Because they lived in colonies.

***
What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?

John Hamcock!

***

What did George Washington say to his army at Valley Forge?

"Sorry, men. The flights to Florida are all booked up!"

***

What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?

Q: Whats the most unusual iPod ever sold on eBay?
A: A German seller auctioned an iPod that had been 24-karat gold-plated after purchase. Additionally, eBay sellers have auctioned off pink iPod minis that Apple accidentally delivered in a shade closer to magenta.

Q: Is it true that Oprah spent almost $140,000 on iPods and gave them away?
A: In Spring 2003, Oprah named the iPod one of Oprahs Favorite Things as part of her series of product giveaway shows, and gave 15GB ($399) iPods to each member of her 350-person studio audience. If youre worried that billionaire Oprah had to drop nearly $140,000 of her own cash for the iPods, dont be: Apple donated them, and Oprah didnt even know how to use one when it was featured on the show. (When youre a billionaire, you can afford to hire someone else to program your playlists.)

Q: What are the biggest iPod-related giveaways to date?
A: The biggest iPod and iTunes giveaways to date have been offered by Pepsi, which offered a two-month 100 million free songs giveaway (where only 5 million songs were actually given away), and an Australia-only Win an iPod every hour campaign with 1,018 15GB iPods available to be won.

Q: What musicians have been associated with the iPod?
A: Too many to count. After releasing the 10GB iPod, Apple briefly introduced a series of iPod boxes featuring the images of famous musicians: Jimi Hendrix and Miles Davis were featured on 10GB iPod boxes, while Bob Marley and Billie Holiday appeared on 5GB iPod boxes. The company has also included the previously mentioned musicians Beck, Madonna and No Doubt in a limited edition engraved iPod campaign, and has included performers such as Alicia Keys in product and service unveilings. Most notably, U2 released a special edition black version of the iPod in partnership with Apple in November, 2004 (announced in late October, 2004). The company plans partnerships with other musicians in the near future.

Q: Do the British really love the iPod more than Americans?
A: Its possible. Two early 2004 news stories suggested that British judges, law enforcement officials, and criminals are taking more than a passive interest in Apples music players. In February, the Beatles versus Apple case (Apple Corps versus Apple Computer) came before a High Court judge in London, who wondered aloud whether he would need to be disqualified from the bench because he was an iPod owner. In March, Englands second largest police force, the West Midlands Police, warned iPod users to hide their iPods and stop wearing Apples packed-in white headphones because of muggings by iPod-hungry street thieves. In both cases, representatives of Apple Computer publicly expressed delight at the iPods growing popularity.

Q: Can the iPod run anything other than Apples own operating system?
A: Yes, but not that well. Apple has intentionally prevented outside developers from experimenting with or changing the devices operating system. In an effort to expand the iPods support for music formats other than MP3, AAC, WAV and unprotected WMA, several hackers have used reverse engineering to make the iPod run a stripped down version of Linux, which features limited functionality and as yet no ability to properly play back audio in other formats. Their most visible achievement has been getting the iPods title screen to display the face of Tux the Linux penguin.

Q: How much media exposure has the iPod received since launch?
A: An incredible amount. The iPod has been prominently featured in music videos, television shows, and massive product giveaways, say nothing of thousands of newspaper and magazine articles, and a number of books. Apples partnership with the rock band U2 increased both the bands and the iPods profile almost exponentially around the world.

Q: Whats Apples iPod track record with automobile manufacturers?
A: To date, Apple has publicly partnered with two European car manufacturers to cross-promote iPods and vehicles. In July of 2003, Volkswagen announced a Pods Unite campaign for the 2003 New Beetle, whereby New Beetle purchasers received a custom-engraved (VW logo) iPod and a VW Connectivity Kit with free music, an Audible audio book, a coupon, a window sticker, a VW Music-zine and what later became known as Belkins TuneDok cupholder iPod mount. In June of 2004, BMW announced the iPod Your BMW campaign, whereby owners of select BMW vehicles can add a $149 iPod control and power charging system called the BMW iPod Adapter to their cars. Apple promises further vehicle-related announcements in the near future.

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