The Critical Eye

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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

So the other day, driving to work, I'm listening to Steve Harvey like I usually do (don't judge me!). He's always good for a serious laugh before one walks into the jaws of the mundane. There's a segment they do that's similar to 'The Dating Game'. A man or woman has three possible dating choices. The decision is based on basic information provided during a questioning period and after the prospect has viewed a profile. You get the picture.

Well today I listened as a man with the help of the presenters questioned three women. Turns out this fellow is about 50 years old and a widower, looking for a love connection. As he navigated the road of initial courtship on national radio, asking these women things like; "What do you like to do for fun? Can you cook? What are you looking for in a man?" I couldn't help but think that none of his questions were sparking the kind of information that men are interested in. He was asking the typical things that give you a general view of someone and really didn't seem to have any eliminating capabilities. In my mind, this means that he'll quite basically look at the profiles and go with the woman he believes best physically represents what he is looking for.

So as he continued his downward plod, I started forming my own series of questions in the back of my mind. His line of questioning was leaving me unfulfilled and empty and thus I felt compelled to step in on his behalf. There are just some things that most self-respecting men would need to know prior to a date with any woman, let alone a 40 plus year old.

Not having been in the dating game a while, I started putting together some poignant questions. My list may appear somewhat superficial and not be exhaustive but you will have to excuse me, I am a man. I believe that some, if not all of the following should be addressed;

1. Are those your real eyelashes? If not, do you intend to grow any and if so, when?2. Are you using any control top garments and upon removal, will I have any shocked reaction?3. Do you have any fake teeth? This includes bridges, crowns, or any other reconstructive dental surgery.4. Are you wearing any shape enhancing devices that squeeze and change your natural shape? Once released5. Is that your hair? If not, how many other people can you be in a month and will you be surprising me often?6. When you take off your hair, will I prefer that you didn't?7. Do your kids live with you and if so are they rug-rats or delinquents? How old are they and if any is older than 18, why are they not in college or out of the house? 8. If you claim you are a Christian woman, why are you on Steve Harvey show looking for love?9. If you are such a catch, how come your last husband left you and your kids?10.Are your eyes really green or will that change like your hair?11.In your response to a perfect Saturday date you said something about waking up to a late breakfast. How quickly do you get to third base?

As you can see, this line of questioning will very quickly eliminate quite a few women. Like I said this list is not exhaustive and can definitely take a turn here and there. However, on a radio show, these questions provide critical guidance and direction for the man with an eye to maximizing his potential to find the perfect mate. We need some men who can keep it real! I'm just saying!