Month: September 2018

I talk about my little (and embarrassing) accident I had in early September, how important it is to check on your elderly loved ones every so often, and how I don’t like my real estate agent right now. I also talk about my upcoming changes and goals with my podcast episode guide.

Why is editing audio, especially when it is my own voice, so hard for me? Why do I neglect editing out all the umms, uhs, and other filler?

Sad story here, folks. One that I probably wouldn’t want to talk about on a podcast, so I’ll just type it here. Most of my life, and even today, I have been made fun of because of how I sound. When I was a kid and I started kindergarten, I had to go through speech therapy so I could speak correctly. People would make fun of me because I couldn’t pronounce certain letter combinations, including my sister–but that’s what sisters do so I forgive her.

As I got older, I think that I improved, but of course, if it wasn’t making fun of the way I struggled speaking correctly, it was my voice’s tone. It wasn’t masculine enough. People would ask me about it constantly and some guy was nice to bully me about it every chance he got, though he sounded like he was born into a 10th generation inbred family. Oh, and he died a few years after school…

So past that, it affected me into adulthood. I’d chat with guys (and, yes, girls) online and then they’d want to talk to me. Sometimes, people said “Oh, you don’t sound like I thought you would” and sometimes that would be enough for them not to want to talk to (or chat with) me anymore.

So yeah, I moved here and people sometimes can’t even understand me. Sometimes I’d date people and ask them (by message) if they could understand me. It was usually “mostly”. One of the people I dated said that I sound a lot sexier and manly with a sore throat.

No one’s ever told me they like my voice, basically (except the guy who said it was sexy… when my throat was sore). My partner now makes fun of me even after I’ve told him that it really bothers me. It just makes me extra cranky and even now, it makes me a little sad too.

It all boils down to this: I don’t like my speaking voice. Listening to myself talk is really hard. Going back over the stuff I record is like torture for me. That’s why I’d rather not go back and edit things out.

Isn’t it weird? Everything that I want to say has been said in my podcast episodes! That’s why I’ve been a lot quieter lately.

When you’re living in a quiet country town, not a lot happens. I tend to record episodes and not post them until 2-3 weeks later. It’s a bad thing, I know. You probably all think I just moved here. I listened to a little bit of #10 and I think that was recorded right before I moved (but in my defence, I added to it, I think).

I’m going to try to record a little later, especially when it comes to talking about what’s happening around me.

I’m also working on a new podcast episode guide which I hope I will finish within the next 6 weeks. It’s useable now, actually, but a few things don’t work. I’ve themed a player but it has some volume control problems and right now, the built-in browser players work a tiny bit better. Like, you can’t pick up the position on the player and drop it somewhere to play. You can pretty much go back 30 seconds or forward 30 seconds, which I feel is pretty handy – but just that by itself isn’t helpful.

I have some work to do on that.

You can see what it looked like in its early stages but as of right now, it looks a bit different. I’m trying not to say much about it at the moment and it’s a bit hard not to. It looks a bit better than what’s there, but seems to take up a bit more room. But, I feel like if you see more of what you want, it’s okay. The old layout will be preserved to a point.

OK! That’s enough blabbing from me!

Before I forget:

I also wanted to say thank you to the people who have been sending me feedback and comments! I really appreciate it. Really!

I talk more about my life in rural Australia, my visitor coming from the USA, my partner’s coworker (and a possible ghost hunting adventure), waiting for documents to go back to work, lack of internet, frustrations with my non-existent internet, and the fact that living here isn’t really so bad (but it’s only been a week (as of 7 September 2018)).

This isn’t something that I like to bring up, because I’ve told people that I’d much rather remember someone’s life rather than their death, but about 9 years ago, my father passed away very suddenly, about a week after I went back home to Texas with the intention of moving back to the USA.

There are a few posts on Facebook that made me remember my dad’s passing away. I saw a lot of “memories” where people were posting really sweet and caring messages to me.

During that time of my life, I had been really depressed already and by the time I got to the USA, I was already taking some pretty strong anti-depressants so I wouldn’t be constantly unproductive, sad, and feeling miserable all day. When my father passed away, I appeared to take it quite well, I guess you could say. The medications I had to take kind of numbed everything and made me appear to be mostly unaffected by his passing away. I guess you could say that those medications helped me appear to be strong when my mom and sister were having a really hard time.

Now that I am unmedicated, I think back about how that appeared to people. It’s something I think about a lot. But even before I got off the medications, I made a decision not to mourn constantly over his death, but to remember how well we bonded in my adult life. Yeah, my childhood wasn’t full of pleasantness, but he really made an effort when I was older. He apologised for not being the best dad, and you know what? That’s perfectly fine. I am happy with that.

I do miss the guy a lot. I miss going back home and dealing with t his craziness that I didn’t really get until I was older. He was full of wisdom that I ignored when I was a rebellious teen. You look back and appreciate those things. As I type this, I’m not sad or crying, but I’m appreciative of what I had when he was still around.

I also still dream about him which also makes me happy. There are a few times where I have gotten really sad in my dreams, but the rest of the times that I dream about him, it’s been really nice. I might sound crazy, but that is my way of remembering him and reminding myself that someday, somewhere, and somehow, I’ll see him again. I’m content with that.

That’s what I’m thinking about at the moment. I don’t know it would go if I talked about it in a podcast episode, so I’ll just put it here. I’m just remembering my dad and the good times I’ve had.

I just don’t think that it’s nice to remember death dates. I probably wouldn’t have remembered this if I didn’t look at Facebook today and/or yesterday.

Hello there! I am back from moving across the state to the middle of nowhere and I finally have the internet back after a few little problems. The next two podcast episodes will be full of a lot of complaining about what’s happening. Of course, the complaining is going to continue because I’m not really feeling that great here.

I mean, it does have it’s okay moments, but I guess the tensions around here are really high. I’ve gotten my first migraine already. I can barely breathe the air out here. I’ve slipped and feel. My blood pressure is really high–I can feel it.

Tonight is just a sleep because I want to sleep night.

Getting unlimited access to the outside world has helped me calm a bit down.

It’s funny that the further away I get from a big city, the more stress I feel. That’s all from me. New episode coming for the next few Fridays.