Please Don't Pee In The Smelting Pool

I've been compiling ideas for TF parodies and spoofs, Toyfare-style strips and panels, and have written TF humor lists for several years and have never posted them online. I'll post them here for your amusement (hopefully).

First off, if David Letterman was a Transformers fan...

TOP TEN REJECTED CONCEPTS FOR
HASBRO'S TRANSFORMERS ALTERNATORS TOY LINE

10. Ford Edsel as IRONHIDE: because you'd need a thick skin to be brave enough to be seen in one in public.
Reason it was rejected: Has to be the ugliest car ever made.

9. The Yugo as HUFFER: because it would stall out just trying to climb a kiddie hill.
Rejected: Saw one of these in a crash test on PBS. At a mere 15 mph, it folded up like an aluminum can.

8. AMC Pacer as HORRI-BULL: because the name is so perfectly fitting.
Rejected: I actually liked this ugly little car -- it was fun being in the back because it was like riding inside a fish bowl. Then again, I was really young then too, and easily amused.

7. Subaru Justy as BLUDGEON: because whoever designed this car should be beat to death.
Rejected: Here's a stupid concept: remake the "classic" design from 3-4 other of some of the crappiest compact cars in automotive history? Sure, that'll sell. After all, consumers are stupid, and stupid cheap consumers will especially buy anything that promises better gas mileage.

6. Renault Le Car as CLIFFJUMPER: because owning one made you want to jump off a cliff.
Rejected: Possibly one of the crappiest cars ever made.

5. AMC Gremlin as GROTESQUE: because... well, it's almost too appropriate.
Rejected: Current record-holder for the dumbest name for a car in all of automotive marketing history. And if you it got wet or fed it after midnight, it turned into a monster.

4. Fiat as FIRST AID: because it required frequent tows to a mechanic's shop.
Rejected: Had a friend who owned one -- the interior was so small, you could barely fit even a midget amputee inside. And it rusted with even a hint of moisture... even on the glass. Ironically, the 1979 Fiat was actually named "Rustica" in Brazil.

3. Dodge Aries, aka the "K Car" as BREAKDOWN: because that's exactly what it did.
Rejected: I used to own one, and although it ran decently compared to horror stories I've heard from other former K-Car owners, it was just so bland and boring-looking. Definitely not a car to attract the ladies. And don't get me started on the engine -- it went from 0-60 in 3.5... minutes. The engine was so freaking small, I couldn't even fit my teeny little girlie hands inside it to change the oil filter.

2. Chevy Chevette as WHEELIE: because the car was so hated and reviled by owners.
Rejected: My dad had one for a "work" car -- the floorboard rusted and fell out. After that, it seemed like dad only wanted me to ride with him when it was raining.

1. Ford Pinto as BUMBLEBEE: because in the comics, he got blown up... a lot.
Rejected: Because Ford learned the valuable lesson that you should never name a car after a kidney bean that causes explosive gas. Not surprisingly, the car was known to explode on contact as well.

My grandparents used to own two pieces of crap. One was a Chevy Corvair whose floorboards rusted out exactly like your dad's "Sh*tvette" and the other was a Chevy Citation. Citations were moderately better than K cars but still hunks of scrap.

I found a home for my TF funnies since the Georgia Transformers Fans group relaunched their Facebook page. The group founder was kind enough to ad me as an admin, and I've been contributing comedic commentary, action figure silliness, and funny photoshops over the summer.