Sunday, April 6, 2014

Topless Maori dancers

In case you aren’t a
regular reader of the Daily Express,
an English newspaper, here is a headline from today’s edition:

Maori dancers asked to
cover up to not embarrass the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge

The intro says:

Topless Maori dancers
have been ordered to cover up so they do not embarrass the Duke and Duchess of
Cambridge on their tour of Australia and New Zealand.

The story follows:

Male dancers wearing
grass skirts have also been told to wear pants which goes against their ancient
traditions.

Kate, William and baby
George fly out this weekend for the three-week tour Down Under.

Tomorrow, when they
arrive in Wellington, New Zealand’s capital, they will be greeted with a Maori
powhiri, a ceremonial welcome with the topless dancers.

Maori expert Tredegar
Hall said: “For important occasions like this the women go topless. It’s
tradition but because this is a big occasion they’ll cover up out of respect so
they don’t embarrass Kate and William. Usually the men do not wear anything
under the piupiu, the flax skirts, but because of the high-profile guests they’ll
wear black undies to welcome them.”

Kate, 32, and William,
31, are especially sensitive about the issue because Kate was devastated after
being photographed sunbathing topless during a holiday in the South of France
two years ago.

They were staying at a
chateau in Provence belonging to William’s cousin Viscount Linley.

The couple will be
greeted with the dances and a Maori ceremony in which they have to pick up a
leaf, one of a minefield of customs they must negotiate.

According to tradition,
if they pick the leaf up in the wrong way it could be deemed an act of war,
with an international fall-out.

They will also be
offered traditional food including a native bird, the kereru, which is on the
verge of extinction.

Prince William is a
keen conservationist who has campaigned to save the rhino and other endangered
animals.

The bird and other
meats or sweet potato are cooked in hot ashes in a hole dug in the ground which
is covered with a lid to function as an oven.

“They cook beef, pork
and chicken, and kereru if they are lucky. It is a native bird that is nearly
extinct because the possums and rats go for them,” said 25-year-old Mr Hall, a
New Zealand-born leader of the haka.

“The kereru is an
endangered species. They will have to warn William if he’s having that.”

The titi, a sea bird
from New Zealand, will also be on the menu along with local watercress called
puha, fried bread balls and rewana, a Maori bread.

Kate and William have
been learning the hongi nose-press greeting for when they meet the Maoris,
another protocol the royal couple have to get right.

The visitor and host
press noses, then breathe in. Experts warn that if they do not perform it
properly and step back too quickly, it is seen as a snub.

“It’s a bit of a
minefield,” admitted Mr Hall.

“This is a sign of a
warm welcome. Kate and William will do it at formal welcomes. It’s quite fun
but if you pull away too soon it would be pretty rude.”

“Maori expert Tredegar
Hall” is possibly the Tredegar Hall whose LinkedIn profile
says he is an “Immigration Officer at New Zealand Immigration” in London. Previous
positions were at the Tuwharetoa Maori Trust Board, Waikato Regional Council
and Te Arawa Fisheries. So he is a Maori and is clearly having a laugh at the
gullible English. The empire strikes back, etc.

Not counting the topless women and underpants-less men, how many
deliberate mistakes can you spot?