And so to Jamaica, where discontent is apparently brewing over rapper Snoop Dogg's conversion to the Niyabinghi branch of Rastafarianism. This, you may recall, involved a name change to Snoop Lion – allegedly at the behest of a Rastafarian high priest – the growing of dreadlocks, a musical shift to reggae and the announcement that he was actually reincarnation of Bob Marley. Now, alas, the Jamaican Rasta community seems to suspect that all this was a publicity stunt rather a genuine spiritual conversion. Bunny Wailer, last surviving member of Bob Marley's original band, has accused him of "outright fraudulent use of Rastafari Community's personalities and symbolism" and claimed he has failed to meet "contractual, moral and verbal commitments". The snappily named Ethio-Africa Diaspora Union Millennium Council, or Rasta Millennium Council has sent seven pages of demands to him. Among other things, it wants money and "moral support", a public apology, an assurance that Snoop will stop calling himself Lion, and threatens to sue him if it doesn't get them. "Smoking weed and loving Bob Marley and reggae music is not what defines the Rastafari Indigenous Culture," it protests.

Lost in Showbiz doesn't know what to believe. It wouldn't claim to be an expert on the minutae of Rastafari. It did once cast an eye over The Holy Piby, one of the most important foundational texts of the religion, but gave up midway through chapter one of its Fourth Book when it appeared to start prophesying that a rooster would walk on the moon. Nevertheless, an examination of his recent activities does suggest that the Rasta Millennium Council might have a point: thus far, Snoop does seem to have largely concentrated on the whole smoking-weed aspect of Rastafari. This week it was reported that, as coach of the Orange County Junior All America Football League, he was planning to read his eight- and nine-year-old charges a book called Just a Plant: A Child's Story of Marijuana. "It's not that I would ever push weed on our kids, but if they wanted to, I would love to show them how," he explained, nothing if not a blue-sky thinker in the world of sports training.

But on the other hand, film director Eli Roth, who went to Jamaica with Snoop Lion/Dogg has come to the rapper's defence. "Look," he opened, "I'm a fake rasta: I only own one Musical Youth album and I only listen to Pass the Dutchie." Yes, that certainly seems like the kind of remark that'll go a long way towards convincing the outraged members of the Millennium Council that everyone concerned isn't just taking the piss out of their religion. Do carry on. "Snoop is for sure for real," he added. "He really loves [Bob Marley] … he wants to have a message of positivity … he's written a song about fruit juice."

LiS confesses that isn't 100% certain that the news Snoop Dogg has written a song about fruit juice will mollify the Millennium Council's fury. But let us hope that he has undergone a religious conversion, in the hope that he can offer some guidance to his chum Justin Beiber, whose remarkable seduction technique was laid bare this week: an article in US Star magazine claimed that he "engaged in sexual activity" with a 22-year-old nursing student called Mimi. "They got food at McDonald's then went back to the hotel," suggested "an insider". Frankly, LiS can think of no one in more dire need of spiritual salvation than a young man who thinks a Big Mac meal is a suitable prelude to sexual congress. It pictures Bieber uttering the romantic words the magazine claims he said– "I want to know if you taste good" – with the distinct whiff of gherkins and beefburger wafting from his gob and screams: come on, Snoop! Here is the wickedness of Babylon writ large! Stop writing songs about fruit juice and do something! To borrow a phrase from the great Clancy Eccles: Lick 'im with the rod of correction!