In the Rube Goldberg machine that is Charlie Sheen's brain, he probably thought he'd earn his Dad of the Year stripes by urging his fans to gang up on a 9-year-old girl who was allegedly bullying his daughter, Sam, at their exclusive private school. In a Twitter rant posted Wednesday night, the actor extended a "legitimate call to arms" to his followers by encouraging them to deliver toilet paper, rotten eggs and dog poop to the school, which his 9-year-old offspring hasn't attended in nearly a year.

"My daughter Sam was bullied out of Viewpoint school and then called a liar. It's on!" blustered Charlie. "if you have a rotted egg, a roll of toilet paper, or some dog s---, I urge u to deliver it with 'extreme prejudice' to their KamPuss run by trolls and charlatans. make me proud. we will not tolerate this level of abhorrent disrespect towards the child of your favorite Warlock."

Sheen also recommended carving the canine droppings into the name of Sam's purported tormentor: Victoria. He signed off with, "Eat that loser." Yes, this man is 47 years old.

Sources tell TMZ that Sam left the Viewpoint School in Calabasas, Calif., last year after she was mocked mercilessly about "her skin, her looks, her hair, and even Charlie getting fired from 'Two and a Half Men.'"

Mom Denise Richards had several meetings at the school over the bullying, which was apparently making Sam "physically sick." During one confab in May 2012, Victoria's parents reportedly claimed Sam made up the accusations. At that point, Richards and Sheen decided to remove their daughter from the school.

TMZ says Viewpoint has beefed up security out of concern that one of Charlie's 9 million followers would follow through on his suggestions.

"Like all responsible schools across our nation, we are concerned when any individual uses a social media forum to encourage actions that may risk the safety and security of any school," the school explained in a Facebook post. "The parent of a former Viewpoint School student who has not attended Viewpoint School since March, 2012 has made certain accusations in the media. Viewpoint School first became aware of these accusations last year. Our administrators addressed the issue appropriately at that time. Our School takes accusations of bullying very seriously. For over 50 years, Viewpoint School has provided a safe and nurturing environment for our students to thrive, and we will continue to do so."