A vaguely scary story

The church bell tolled ominously... a whole bunch of times. It was That Scary Late Time of the Night. Some chick's scream echoed throughout the otherwise silent streets of That Humble Little Town. There was a slight chill in the late-Fall air, but it was about to get colder. A whole lot colder.

A young group of townsfolk were walking the streets, probably coming from or going to a party or something, and they stopped in their tracks when they heard the scream.

"Whoah what was that?" said Whats-His-Face, the kind of leader or whatever. "Did you guys hear that?"

"Sounds like somebody's in trouble," said Whats-His-Face's Hot Girlfriend.

"Oh it's probably nothing!" said the Obnoxious Friend, rolling his eyes. "Some chick's just playing around!"

"Yeah, really!" said the Group Slut chick. "I mean, it like sounded so fake! HELLO?" She stamped her foot, causing her breasts to jiggle a little in her almost non-existent shirt.

"I think we should go check it out," said the Tough Friend. Whats-His-Face agreed and began to part from the group, heading in the general direction of the scream. His Hot Girlfriend began to follow, as well as the Tough Friend.

"Come on guys!" Whats-His-Face said as he turned around to face the rest of the group. Obnoxious Friend and the Group Slut grumbled, but they followed as well.

A piece of paper litter, carried by the cold night breeze, skittered down the sidewalk past the group of party friends as they walked down That One Street, the one with all the cool places. Suddenly, some dude came running over the hill towards them. His face and clothes were blotched with some sort of red stuff.

"Oh my god!" he yelled. "Don't go that way! RUN!" He bounded past them, but continued to yell, his voice trailing off. "It's THAT ONE KILLER GUY, WITH THAT THING!!"

"Oh NO!" yelled Hot Girlfriend. "He's BACK!! That One Killer Guy, with that THING, he's probably still pissed about that stuff that happened a long time ago with our parents!!"

"Oh, PLEASE!" said Obnoxious Friend. "They killed him a while back, y'know, after he killed all those other people! This is some sort of holiday prank or something!"

"I dunno," said Whats-His-Face as he stared ahead. Across the street they saw another guy running the other direction, flailing his arms about. "I think we should keep going, though, in case somebody needs our help."

"If That One Killer Guy's back, I got a can of Whoop-Ass for him!" said Tough Friend.

"Does he still live on That One Street, over by that Place?" said Tough Friend.

"Oh, PLEASE you guys!" said the Group Slut Chick. "This is all, like, some big joke!" They all yelled "NOOOO!" as she walked over to That One Killer Guy and his Thing.

"You're, like, not fooling anybody!" Group Slut Chick said, chuckling. That One Killer Guy grumbled, then slashed at her with his Thing. For a second she stood there, motionless, in shock. Then, slowly, her head tumbled off of her neck.

"OH MY GOD!!" the Hot Girlfriend yelled as the slut's head rolled down the street and her body crumpled to the pavement.

"RUN!" Whats-His-Face said, grabbing his Hot Girlfriend. He ran towards That One Street, quickly followed by the rest of the group.

They passed a guy in a suit with a microphone, who was standing by a dude with a television camera. It was that one Reporter Guy with the Moustache.

"...and That One Killer Guy is back, using his Thing, killing indiscriminately again!" he said with that generic night beat reporter swagger.

"How many people has he killed so far?" asked an anchor person from the news desk at the main news place.

"A lot!" the reporter replied.

The party friends continued to race away from the killer, towards the house of That One Dude with the Stuff.

"Oh, NOW what?!" exclaimed Obnoxious Friend. People were running towards them again, covered in red stuff, shrieking in terror.

Whats-His-Face tried to stop this one dude as he ran by. "What's over there?!"

"IT'S THAT ONE THING!!!!" he yell-sobbed. Then he broke away and ran off.

"Oh my GOD!" hot girlfriend said. "That One Thing is back, TOO?!"

That's when they heard bone-chilling screams up ahead and the sounds of flesh being rended and bones being snapped.

"Looks like it!" Whats-His-Face said. "And it sounds hungry!"

"This is fucked, y'all!" said Tough Friend.

"Morons!" Obnoxious Friend yelled to the terrified people. "You're running right over to where That One Killer Guy is!"

"Come on!" Whats-His-Face said, motioning them to run to the left. "I know a back way to That One Dude's house!"

"Going the back way sounds good!" exclaimed Their Ambiguously Gay Friend.

Screams, snarls, and other really-bad sounding sounds rattling the night began to creep closer to them. That One Dude looked past the party friends, looking out into the town behind them. "OK," he said, "I'll get my Stuff." He hit the button next to the door and his garage door began opening.

All of them walked over to watch the door creep open, the Stuff slowly being revealed as it did so.

"Stand back!" That One Dude exclaimed as he entered the garage. He slowly picked up his stuff as the others looked on it in awe. It took a few times, but he got the Stuff started up.

"What's that dealy there do?" Ambiguously Gay Friend asked, pointing to one of the dealies on the stuff.

They all quickly scrambled away as That One Dude emerged from the garage, wielding his Stuff. "Let's do this!"

A blood-soaked man, hopping down the sidewalk on his remaining leg, screamed "THAT ONE THING! IT ATE MY LEG! IT'S COMING!"

They began jogging in the general direction the man was running from. Before long they were standing right before That One Thing. It was awful, just awful-looking, with its sharp thingies on its arms and legs.

"You will terrorize the good people of this town NO MORE!" That One Dude yelled. "I'm going to stop you from doing your awful things to those people, and I'm gonna use my stuff here to do it, even if I have to die or something in the... in the...!"

"Process!" Whats-His-Name offered.

"Yeah, what he said!" That One Dude exclaimed.

That One Thing lunged at That One Dude. But he used his stuff to violently ward off the attack. That One Thing was very badly hurt as the Stuff did its thing, but unfortunately That One Thing grabbed his midsection with its things. As it did that, one of its other things grabbed their Ambiguously Gay Friend. He screamed as it crushed him to death. Hot Girlfriend screamed and sobbed and Whats-His-Face tried to console her. But then, That One Dude screamed, too, and that One Thing shrieked, as the Stuff tore the Thing apart, and the Thing cut That One Dude in half!

"Dude!!" Whats-His-Face yelled. They all ran over to him as he let his Stuff fall to the side. As he lay dying, he grabbed Whats-His-Face's arm.

"Now... you... must... use my... Stuff... to defeat... That One... Killer... Guy!" And then he said no more. His hand let go of Whats-His-Face's arm and fell limp to the pavement.

They also walked over to their Ambiguously Gay Friend's body and looked upon it soberly. But, there was no time for mourning. They knew what they had to do. They had to use the Stuff to stop That One Killer Guy!

When they found him in the Town Square, he was just finishing the gruesome task of sawing a woman in half. Needless to say, it was no magic trick! But what horrified them more, and spurred them into action like never before, was when That One Killer Guy turned to the woman's baby carriage.

"Oh no you DON'T!" Tough Friend exclaimed. Whats-His-Face, meanwhile, was desperately trying to start up the Stuff.

"No, wait!" Whats-His-Face said. "Wait until I get the stuff started!"

But Tough Friend didn't listen. He dodged an attack by that One Killer Guy's thing and attacked him. Hot Girlfriend moved the carriage to a safe distance as Tough Friend repeatedly pounded that One Killer Guy with his fists.

Just as Whats-His-Face got the Stuff started, That One Killer guy plunged his Thing into Tough Friend's stuff. Tough Friend yelled and immediately disengaged his attack. Whats-His-Face, the Stuff finally running and doing its thing, intervened.

"YEAARRRGGHHH!" That One Killer guy exclaimed as the Stuff’s doohickeys seriously fucked up his shit. Soon, like That One Thing, That One Killer guy was no more.

As Whats-His-Face let the Stuff drop to the pavement, Hot Girlfriend ran up to him and embraced him.

"We did it!" she sobbed. "We saved the Town!"

"Yes, but at the expense of almost all of our friends," Whats-His-Face said. "We're the only two left and-"

"Hey, guys!" Tough Friend grunted from where he lay on the ground. "I... I think if you get me to a hospital, I might pull through!"

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" Hot Girlfriend exclaimed.

"Yes, but you need this thing fixed!" Whats-His-Face said as he pointed to Tough Friend's injured part. "I'll call that, uh, that emergency number thing!"

As Whats-His-Face figured out what that number was, Hot Girlfriend looked out onto the bloody carnage in the streets.

"Do you think our town can recover from this disaster?" she said.

"M-maybe," grunted Tough Friend. "But, it's gonna take a while, there's lots of things to do, and we'll need some stuff to do it."

Whats-His-Face didn't really need to call for help, for all of a sudden lots of loud, shrill, emergency-type things and people began to converge on the scene. They would never forget what happened, what they would in the future forever refer to as "That One Night."