How do I go about this?

So my parents gave me a budget for my wedding, which I have remained well under. The thing is, I have paid out of pocket for at least $600 in wedding expenses. My mom hasn’t been readily available to go shopping for things, and since we’ve been on such a time crunch, I have just kind of dealt with it.

I know my mom would feel so bad if she knew how much I have spent out of pocket. It’s not a huge deal, but I would like to ask for some of it back. At least the cake, alterations for my dress, and some decoration items. I’m not concerned with accessories, make up, etc.

How can I bring this up? Should I present the receipts to her, or just ask her for some money to help me out?

Persnoally, I would not ask for that money back. I would feel weird asking my parents for reimbursement of items for my own wedding especially after they paid for so much of it already. And I feel that if I’m old enough to be getting married, I’m way past asking mommy and daddy for money or money back, no matter what it’s for. Do you really need the money? Do your parents really NOT need the money for themselves?

@jb20: What had you discussed before? Would she reimburse you? Or give you cash upfront? I would suggest simply talking with her and stop buying things until you have clearly established expectations.

Best advice I received was, don’t count on money from others until it is in your hand or they pay the bill. So, honestly, while families have the best of intentions, things happen and sometimes they cannot pay and you end up with a bill. Though you have already bought somethings, I would suggest not buying anything else you aren’t comfortable/capable of affording unitil you either receive money from your mother or she is paying for it.

Personally, my parents (they covered 1/3) wrote a check up front for wedding expenses and let me spend it when I needed to. It worked out really well. I just updated her on my purchases though and what the money went toward.

I wouldn’t ask for the money back. My parents offered to pay for half and DH’s family offered to pay the other half. There were a lot of things we bought that they weren’t around for so we just paid for it ourselves. Invitations, stamps, cakes, photobooth, ceremony space. I figure they’re paying so much for the big stuff like the reception, it shouldn’t be a big deal to pay a couple hundred of our own money!

@jb20: i#d say it depends on your relationship and what you guys have agreed on.

Did you not mention those expenses right away? I think that’s what i’d have done (“mom, i am getting alterations done today…”) I’d just tell her now and give her the receipts… (“those are the things i paid for upfront…”)

@pinkshoes: The money for the cake and alterations were sort of spur of the moment, so I would really like to get those back if I could. The cake is a totally different story because I didn’t want it to begin with, my parents did.

@bmo88: We had discussed how it would work, and she isn’t really holding up her end of the bargain. I haven’t made a thing of it, though.

@jb20: if she would feel bad if she knew and it’s not a huge deal, I’m not sure why you would tell her.

if you want her to pay for wedding stuff, wait for her to go shopping with you or ask her if you are getting a check for the wedding and be gracious. It’s very generous for your parents to cover any part of your wedding.

@jb20: Personally, I wouldn’t ask. I have covered more than that for items purchased online or when my mom wasn’t around and I won’t ask for that back. She’s approached me for a recent copy of the budget spreadsheet and if she sees that I’ve paid for something, she’ll reimburse me. But I’d never approach her – not when she’s already covering 90% of it pretty much. I’m an adult, if I need to spend a grand on my own wedding, I can and should do that.

ETA: I realize that now that may have sounded a bit snarky. Not how I meant it – that’s just how I’m applying things to myself. If you have a good enough relationship with her, just mention it. But personally, I still wouldn’t. Good luck!

I would just sit down with her and ask when you can get some of the cash to pay for the wedding as they are likely waiting for you to call and say how much you need by when for certain things! If you start spending and spending you’ll end up in the hole and they may not be able to pay all you need at once.

With what you discussed on how the money would work you may both have different expecations and thoughts about what exactly that entailed. It would be easier on both of you to just ask her upfront about when you can get some of the money to cover what you’ve spent so far. Also have receipts ready to go (via email for quick sending) in case she wants to see proof that you’ve actually paid for things.