Honestly, the only thing I think could use some tweaking is the ending, as it almost seems a little rushed. Otherwise, I think it was as close to perfect as anything can be. I wish I'd found your works sooner, since I'm now a big fan.

To me this seems like a half story. A good half story but nevertheless not completed. What happens next? Why did the mother let the boys away so easily? It's like a tantalising bite for your readers at the bigger picture. When you get some time and inspiration (although I think there's plenty of it to be found in this story) you should carry on the good work. :-)

That was really sad. the mother's indifferece. I dunno what I'd do if that was me, and my mum didn't care if I was running away. you capture the pain perfectly. I really emphaise with it, because of your great writing.

I don't think that parents fully understand how certain words or phrases can hurt their children. People always talk about how kids say the most horrible thing to their parents, but I think it's the other way around. A mom or a dad can say just one thing, and ruin a kid's day, week, month,-life. In other words, this story makes me think. It makes me wonder about my childhood and why I have such a horrible opinion of my father. But now I'm "grown up" (or so I like to think). And every kid probably looks back at one time and says, "How we got away... I'll never know." Excellent work.

ooh! I really like this! It's so sad! I love your descriptions! They are some of the best I've ever read!Yes, I thought the plot was understandable. I thought it was great infact. I do agree that it was a little bit condencsed, you could definately make it longer (I would love that) Your descriptions are so beautiful, i would love to see more of them in that story. I also think there's room for a continuation! *wink, wink! know what I mean!* Well, I'll be looking for more! Well, I'm going to go read some more of your wonderful stuff! The Scottish Dragon

Really interesting piece of writing!I love your writing style - the reader, (I.e. me, lol) gets a definite feel for the world you create. It feels whole, you know? (No? Let me try and explain) It's like a real memory - not just sights, but fragments of thought, and smells, and sounds.I particularly loved the phrases:"Falling apart like the cracked halves of a shell" and "Sweet worn sunshine", I thought they were lovely descriptions. I thought you contrasted the happiness and the depression really well too! A really good piece of writing! Keep writing!

You've got a real character piece here, with some really lovely details and descriptions that make the reading. Tiny things like rubbing patterns into 'icy condensation' give it a great sense of feeling, as did the mother's 'citrus tang aura'.

I think perhaps your description of the mother after the death in that one paragraph is a little cliched, however. 'Grayer/colourless', in particular, is very commonly found. However, you make the contrast between before and after mother quite nicely.

I think it works fine as a short story; it gives the piece more poignancy and subtlety than if you were to expand greatly. Perhaps the only thing missing is seeing the mum and dad's relationship - perhaps add show how they engage in the beginning?