Washington, DC: Sources claim that Al Gore will be lobbying to introduce a bill which will in effect outlaw any alcoholic beverages that are carbonated, His stance is that all of the CO2 produced by the yeast in beer and other malt beverages and the co2 that is used to carbonate the beer is contributing in enormous degree to the global warming that we all agree is happening.

He goes on to describe the process in more detail saying that it is obviously a known fact by everyone who cares about their family that global warming is occurring. At such a fast rate, he says, that both polar ice caps will be gone entirely by 2013. Since that is true and since everyone knows that it is excess CO2 in our atmosphere that is causing the calamity. The three biggest producers of CO2 he claims are cow flatulence, beer manufacturing, and beer farts and burps.

He argues that this process is being hastened in large degree by all of the CO2 that can be traced to beer production and its consumers. He snapped at one point in the press conference and yelled no, this is nothing like prohibition. This is important and, my good friend Ed Begley assures me it will work" During the announcement he pointed at someone from the press corps drinking what appeared to a Budweiser and yelled at him: "You sir, with that Budweiser can, do you realize that I have direct proven scientific proof that everytime that you belch the first few letters of the alphabet you directly kill two harp seals." Going on: "If you doubt anything that I've said watch my 2 time Academy Award Documentary An Inconvenient Truth."

This bill is expected to pass congress and the senate largely along party lines. People with dissenting opinions and truly valid arguments against any policies being enacted based on scientific research with political and profit motive are being moved to Guantanomo Bay for "forced vacation"

Gore seemed ebullient as he left the press room. He made a throwaway comment as he walked out; Do you folks realize that by the time Obama is out of office half of our laws will be based on Global warming."