Capital offenses

Give this column to your friends who dont know their Os from their As

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If you’re the kind of person who solves
crossword puzzles with an ink pen, responds with the right questions faster
than the contestants on Jeopardy!, and can reach a higher score using a Scrabble board than
a bowling ball, today’s column is probably not for you. You,
I’m sure, aced AP English, made the dean’s list in college, and
own at least one brown tweed jacket with genuine leather patches on the
elbows. If that’s you, what I’m about to say should be old hat.
You may, however, happen to know someone less
enlightened, less brainy, less inclined to sprinkle his or her conversation
with quotes from British comedies; someone whose submission to the
high-school literary journal may have been rejected. If so, keep reading.
You could decide that you want to save this column to share with your
less-unfortunate friend. Apparently we’ve got a load of such folk in
Springfield. Everywhere you look, they advertise their ignorance.
They’re the ones who spell the word “capitol” with an A
or the word “capital” with an O. The worst part is, they
don’t even know that they’re misspelling anything. They must
have been absent that day in third grade when the teacher explained the
difference: “Capitol,” with an O, refers only to the building
that houses a state legislature or the U.S. Congress. Everything else is
“capital,” with an A. “Capital” can refer to financial assets,
really cool ideas, the kind of crimes that are punishable by death, and
uppercase letters, such as the C in “Capitol”
(“Capitol” is often capitalized). What about the city that surrounds a capitol? It
falls into the “everything else” category, too. Springfield is
the capital of Illinois. Jefferson City is the capital of Missouri. Kabul
is the capital of Afghanistan. Oslo is the capital of Norway. Lusaka is the
capital of Zambia . . . you get the idea.There’s a really simple way to remember the
difference between “capitol” and “capital”: The one
with the O denotes (usually) a building with a dome. The O in
“dome” goes with the O in “capitol.” Therefore,
technically and grammatically, there’s no such thing as a
“capitol city.” The Springfield phone directory, however, lists
almost as many businesses named Capitol City This as it does businesses
called Capital City That. The two lists can’t be sorted by
profession. An engineering firm, a dental office, and a speakers’
bureau all use the hinky term “Capitol City” in the names of
their enterprises. There’s a Gutter Topper outfit listed under both
spellings, though the Capital City Gutter Topper company is located not in
the capital city but rather in Peoria. Some of these businesses take on an unintended
connotation once you know that “capitol” refers strictly to the
domed edifice. Capitol Mortgage Associates would be in charge of financing
a historical behemoth; Capitol Retirement Village could provide
shuffleboard courts in the Senate chamber. And if Capitol Teletrack lived
up to its name, lawmakers would be able to wager on ponies and watch them
race on big-screen televisions in the rotunda. The two words — “capitol” and
“capital” — spring from the same root but aren’t as
closely related as one might think. The word “capital” is
derived from the Latin word capitalis, or “of the head,” which makes sense for a
city that holds the state government. The term “capitol” goes
back to ancient Rome, where the Temple of Jupiter stood on the highest and
rockiest of the Seven Hills of Rome. According to legend, workers digging a
foundation for the temple unearthed a human head. Consequently, the Latin
word for head — caput — became the basis for naming the hill Capitoline. The craggy cliffs surrounding Capitoline made it not
only the defensive bastion of Rome but also the death chamber for Roman
criminals. The southwestern slope, called Tarpeian Rock, was named after
the first person executed there: the Vestal virgin Tarpeia, who ushered
attacking soldiers into the city in exchange for their gold bracelets. As
punishment for this betrayal, she was flung to her death from a Capitoline
cliff to the jagged rocks below. I guess you could say that the decision to call the
death penalty “capital punishment” instead of “capitol
punishment” was a toss-up. Every rule has an exception, and so does this one.
Australia’s Parliament House — the equivalent of our Capitol
Hill in Washington, D.C. — is located in Canberra. The building,
completed in 1988, is built into the hill and covered with grass.
It’s topped with an 84-foot flagpole that looks like a metal-frame
teepee or a high-tech abstract rendering of a dome. Originally called
Capitol Theatre, it’s now called Capital Hill. I’m sure you knew that, but your unenlightened
friends might not.Contact Dusty Rhodes at drhodes@illinoistimes.com.