It's not my fault.

Really, honestly it's not my fault. You see, here's how it is: First, I wasn't there, you see? But, what I HEARD was that, ok, see, what I heard was that, uh, my brother, you know how he is? That my brother, he was looking at it and you - I mean, of course it's not your fault, but you were way over there so that just left The Baby. Yeah, yeah, the Baby was here and that's when it happened...

What happened? Oh, you see, the uh, the, well first SHE started playing with that thing, then I tried to stop her - oh, yeah, it was later when I was gone, this was before... oh... ok, well, I was in the other room and I HEARD it. See, the dogs were barking so I couldn't hear and the Baby started to cry...

No? Ok, I'm getting to it... see, then the neighbor kids came in and told us they saw a flying saucer, so we all ran outside and the Baby and the dogs were in the house and that's when we heard it. I heard it. I was the only one that heard it.

And that's why there's ketchup on the ceiling.

(If you're a parent, this is the typical response you get to the question "how did this happen?")