Science Says Your Grandma Should Be Dabbing Daily

“Daily dose of cannabis extract could reverse brain’s decline in old age, study suggests,” the headline of a recent Guardian article reads. The implication is great for your grandparents, and it’s good for you too, as it simplifies the next birthday present you get grandma or grandpa. All you have to do is pick them up a couple gooey grams of extract the next time you’re at the weed shop (or the weed apartment, if you live in a state with unenlightened lawmakers).

And just why is a well-respected news source like the Guardian claiming your grandparents should be dabbing daily? A German study published in Nature has found that daily doses of cannabis extract have the potential to slow, and even treat, cognitive problems associated with aging. In other words, it effectively keeps the mind sharp as you get older.

One surprising facet of the study is that it found the best cannabinoid for treating cognitive decline is THC, not CBD. So, unlike many new medical marijuana studies which use “cannabis oil” as a euphemism for “CBD-only extract,” these Germans are suggesting that seniors could benefit from full on rips of hardcore Sour Diesel.

“If we can rejuvenate the brain so that everybody gets five to 10 more years without needing extra care then that is more than we could have imagined,” said study co-author and University of Bonn professor Andras Bilkei-Gorzo of the discovery.

The study has not entered into the human trials phase. So far, all data comes from giving mice doses of THC and sending them through “water mazes.” The plan is to start doing something similar on humans later this year. So hopefully soon a handful of very lucky seniors are going to be paid to get dabbed out and play in labyrinths made of swimming pools, which sounds close to the best life imaginable.

There is a cloud inside this silver lining, however. The study found that the cognitive faculties of old mice were greatly improved when they got their daily hit of concentrate, but they found that the opposite was true of young mice. Young mice who hit the figurative oil rig daily saw a steep decline in their ability to navigate mazes of water. So, maybe you should just give all your rigs and extract to your grandma now, and she can hand it back to you when you’re old enough.