Actress Emma Stone and Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane — this year's host — got up nice and early to tell some really atrocious jokes and announce this year's Oscar nominations. If you were smart enough to avoid this stupid ceremony, here's what's totally surprising: neither Zero Dark Thirty's Kathryn Bigelow nor Argo's Ben Affleck received Best Director nominations, even though both directors were considered locks and both movies are nominated for Best Picture.

And here's what's unsurprising: Lincoln locked up 12 nominations, and MacFarlane was fumbling and unfunny and only took 12 minutes to make a Hitler joke. (Bring back blackface Billy Crystal and/or stoned James Franco!) Here's the full nominee list. Come make predictions and complain with us!

Best motion picture of the yearAmourArgoBeasts of the Southern WildDjango UnchainedLes MisérablesLife of PiLincolnSilver Linings PlaybookZero Dark Thirty

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook
Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln
Hugh Jackman in Les Misérables
Joaquin Phoenix in The Master
Denzel Washington in Flight

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Jessica Chastain in Zero Dark Thirty
Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook
Emmanuelle Riva in Amour
Quvenzhané Wallis in Beasts of the Southern Wild
Naomi Watts in The Impossible

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin in Argo
Robert De Niro in Silver Linings Playbook
Philip Seymour Hoffman in The Master
Tommy Lee Jones in Lincoln
Christoph Waltz in Django Unchained

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Amy Adams in The Master
Sally Field in Lincoln
Anne Hathaway in Les Misérables
Helen Hunt in The Sessions
Jacki Weaver in Silver Linings Playbook

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)Before My Time from Chasing Ice
Music and Lyric by J. RalphEverybody Needs A Best Friend from Ted
Music by Walter Murphy; Lyric by Seth MacFarlanePi's Lullaby from Life of Pi
Music by Mychael Danna; Lyric by Bombay JayashriSkyfall from Skyfall
Music and Lyric by Adele Adkins and Paul EpworthSuddenly from Les Misérables
Music by Claude-Michel Schönberg; Lyric by Herbert Kretzmer and Alain Boublil

Original screenplayAmour Written by Michael HanekeDjango Unchained Written by Quentin TarantinoFlight Written by John GatinsMoonrise Kingdom Written by Wes Anderson & Roman CoppolaZero Dark Thirty Written by Mark Boal