Sunday, December 18, 2005

Notre Dame Wins and Karl Rove's Successes are Inversely Proportionate

Audra sent me this. I think she's on to something.

My Friends, for the sake of Notre Dame and all that is Holy, we must ROLL ROVE!! The Rise of Karl Rove and his dancing monkey coincides with the "down" period of Notre Dame. It is the current investigation by Irishman Patrick Fitzgerald of Rove over his outing CIA assets that brought about the hiring of Charlie Weis. We must put a proverbial stake in the hear of Rove, so that Notre Dame's return to GLORY can be completed. A little history.

NOTRE DAME GREATEST period, and the greatest run of ANY TEAM ANYWHERE, ANY TIME in college football history was Notre Dame under Leahy from 1946 though 1949, when the team DID NOT LOSE A FRIGGIN GAME.

Then, suddenly, as if an evil pall is cast across America's landscape, America's team inexplicably falls to 4-4-1 in 1950. As many losses in one season as the team has suffered in the prior six seasons. What could explain this aberration?? ITEM: 1950 Karl Rove is Born. What follows, the worst stretch for Notre Dame in its history from 1950 to 1963.

In the early 1960s, a Democrats retake the White House after years of Republican stewardship. Not long afterward, a rennaissance of sorts takes place in South Bend, and Notre Dame takes the National Championship in 1966.

However, dark clouds appear on the Horizon. Richard Nixon retakes the Presidency for the Republicans. He wins reelection in a landslide in 1972, with help from some "dirty tricksters," including Don Segretti, Karl Rove's mentor.

However, the GLORIOUS SUN RISES and light shines on the horrid dirty tricks and the WATERGATE SCANDAL sinks Nixon and throws his ilk in PRISON!! HOORAY!! Oh yeah, and Notre Dame wins National Championships in 1973 and 1977.

Oh no, but Karl Hooks up with the Yankee Texan George Herbert Walker Bush in 1980, helping him to make a good enough showing to get a VP nod. GHWB is elected VP in 1980 and begins service in 1981. Gerry Faust is named Notre Dame football head coach in 1980 and begins service in 1981. Darkness falls across the land.

But, a window of hope arises. The Republicans are going to name GHWB as their presidential nominee in 1988!! Democrats recognize the need to name an incompetent, big-noggined Massachusetts Greek (no, not you Sparty) to run against him, ensuring certain failure, but knowing that GHWB will RUN THE COUNTRY INTO THE GROUND and have NO IDEA HOW A COMMON SUPERMARKET SCANNER WORKS, thereby INSURING eight years of DEMOCRATIC DOMINANCE!! Hooray!! We could even run a philandering Bubba against GHWB and win. Things are looking up. Notre Dame wins a title in 1988, has another ROBBED from them in 1989, and is darned near unbeatable for the next four years.

Fast forward to November 1993. Notre Dame is riding high. We just beat the unbeatable Florida State. We're the heading to the Orange Bowl to play overmatched Nebraska (pre St. Tom's conversion) and be coronated TEAM OF THE MILLENIUM!! Quietly, in Texas, George Bush, he of Harkin Energy, failed Congressional run and public funds bailout for The Ballpark at Arlington fame, announces he's running for Governor of Texas. A week later, in mid November, he makes his first payments to the little known consulting firm, Karl Rove & Co. A mere days later.....HORROR... #1 Notre Dame falls to Boston College. FSU, in a sham vote, jumps over Notre Dame in the polls, even though Notre Dame dominated them just a week earlier. Notre Dame loses out on a chance to play for the National Championship, relegated to the backward state of Texas to play a bowl game.

Thus, Notre Dame hit Texas, and for the next 11 years, fell into its worst period, as losses mounted, inexplicable coaching blunder grew, and hope of Irish faithful was tested. Not coincidently, the same period marked the Rise of Rove. He led GWB to the Texas governorship, and led Republicans to an unheard of takeover of state offices across Texas. Then, he led GWB to the White House, with the help of crooked jurists, just like the crooked pollsters who robbed Notre Dame of its Glory. Again, in 2003, Rove led began the strategy for the 2004 campaign, and Notre Dame in 2003 suffered through its worst season in 40 years. Rove sealed the deal in November 2004 with a campaign landslide. Notre Dame sealed the deal in November 2004 with a landslide loss at the hands of the hated Trojans. All appeared lost.

But wait, wait just a second here. In 2005, word that Karl Rove is the subject of an FBI investigation of a shameful leak outing a valuable CIA operative, and Rove's wings are seriously trimmed. As his power plummets, THE IRISH RISE in 2005. We've CLEANED HOUSE and brought in Robot Genius CHOO CHOO CHARLIE WEIS to lead the lads!! As Rove slips into oblivion, the Irish Rise. But we must break up the Demonic Duo of Rove and Bush once and for all to ENSURE IRISH GLORY!! Thus, all Notre Dame family must write their Senators and Congressmen to ensure the Rove is OUT THE DOOR!! Do it for your children. Do it for your Nation. DO IT FOR THE ROBOT!!