I always wanted a really cool tita. Like the one who would buy anything for me (within reason) behind my parents backs. Like the one I could hang out with to get away from all the stress from school. Like the one I could brag about to the whole world. Like the one I could run to when I hit an all time low and she would just hold me and say nothing because she understands.

In other words, I want a tita like Laverne Cox.

For those who don't know, Laverne Cox is currently one of the phenomenal women of today in American media. As a transgender woman (male to female), Laverne has been through a lot in her life. At the age of 11 she attempted suicide because she had developed romantic feelings for a male classmate of hers. Through the years she has suffered at the hands of bullies in school and society for not acting to the assigned attitude of her sex, just like any other trans teen. But of course, if there's anything commendable about her, it's her courage. She pushed on and arrived where she is now. (x)

First Transgender woman

To be more specific, Laverne Cox has achieved the success she rightfully deserves. She has been dressing in glamorous dresses for the red carpets of award shows that she has been nominated in. She is the first openly transgender woman to be nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series for her role in Orange is the New Black (x).More recently, she is the first transgender woman to win a Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Special Class Special for her documentary on seven transgender youth and their stories (x). Not only is she talented in acting but also in producing. She is also the first African-American transgender woman to produce and star in her own show, a VH1 make-over show called TRANSform Me. Slowly this woman has been appearing in magazine covers, from Allure magazine and more importantly TIME magazine.

The success Laverne Cox has achieved in her life so far serves as a beacon of hope for transgenders everywhere. It is important to remind them that they are capable of so much unlike what society tells them. It is important to get representation in media these days and Laverne Cox is doing just that. But of course, she isn't just going to limit herself on the silver screen.

Get the word out

Laverne Cox knows that representation in television is not going to be enough to help raise awareness in America, hell, the world. In this video by TIME magazine, what struck me the most was this part.

"When we look at the discrimination that transgender people face, there tends to be inner sections of race and class. The homocide rate for example in the LGBQT communities in the highest amount trans women and then we look at transwomen who are being victims of violence, most is usually trans women of color. So there's something about race intersecting with gender issues that we have to look at if we're really interesting in ending violence against trans women, for example. And trans people in general. If you wanna improve the unemployment in rate in the trans community, if you wanna stop the bullying of LGBTQU. We also have to look at race. And I think the trans movement and LGBT movement in general really has to be a social justice movement where we look at issues of race and class and you know phobia in general."

She is on another level of intelligence and understanding. Everything that came out of her mouth almost felt like poetry. I didn't know that trans women of color were the most oppressed in the community. I bet a lot of other people didn't know either. Through her words and actions, whether they are speeches in Universities, features in magazines, she always informs her audience of the suffering of the trans community and generally the LGBT community. What's her solution to this? In the same video, she states,

Just be open. Treat transgender people as actual individuals, as actual human beings. Do not pester them about their transition, slightly hinting that they are more of a successful science experiment rather than someone becoming who they truly are after being trapped inside the wrong body since birth (remember that Katie Couric interview?)

This is why I want her as my tita. She understands being different. She will assure me that being different is okay. She gives me hope. She gives me courage. She gives all of us whoever thought that they deserved to die because society tells them to courage to keep living. To fight. To win.

- Anna Caycoillustration by Frances Senoclick on photos for sources

"The reality is that I don't represent the entirety of the trans community. There's multiple experiences and multiple relationships to one's identity. And so it's really about listening to them as individuals in terms of how they define themselves and describe themselves and taking them at their word. Be willing to let go of what preconceptions we might have about people who are different from us and taking people on their own terms."

During dinner, my father was talking about some story that involved his gay colleague and his boyfriend.

"Really? Tito X did that?" I asked.

Then my mom smirked and said, "You should probably call him Tita X."

This is where I get ticked off. I know that Tito X is just gay and not transgender. So I asked my mom if wore girl clothes and asked people to refer to him as a her. She shook her head and said no. "But he is the female in their relationship," she explained. To cut things short, it ended with my mother saying "Walang pagkakaiba 'yan. It doesn't matter."

I can't really blame her totally. In the Philippines, there is a very blurred line between being gay, transgender, and a cross dresser. This is probably because we only have two terms to describe them, bakla, commonly used for gays, transgender women, and drag queens,or tibo, commonly used for lesbians, transgender men, and female cross dressers. Proposing the reality that there are straight men who participate in drag races to an average Filipino would leave them utterly baffled and in the state of disbelief. Proposing the idea that feminine girls can be lesbians would confuse them. And what about those who are genderfluid?

So when do we use certain pronouns when dealing with members of the LGBT community? Let's make our lives easier by educating ourselves, shall we? Firstly, being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, and asexual are not genders but sexualities, meaning they deal with what type of gender you are attracted to. Gender is whether the person identifies as female, male, or both. It's a lot easier to explain with the diagrams below.

CIS GENDER

When you say you're a cis male or cis female, this means that you identify with the gender you were born with. Gay men can be cis gender and so can lesbians. Pronouns used here would be the same pronouns we're normally accustomed with.

TRANS WOMAN

A trans woman is a woman who was born as a male but identifies as female. What draws the line between a transgender and a transsexual woman is that a transsexual woman has gone under surgery to complete her transition. Drag queens do not fall under the category of trans women because they are a type of entertainer. Straight men or any type of man could play as a drag queen. This goes the same for male cross dressers. To identify a transgender or transsexual woman, you could ask them yourself. But of course not all trans women would be so open. Pronouns used for trans women are she or her.

TRANSGENDER MAN

A trans man is a man who was born as a female but identifies as a male. The difference between a transgender and transsexual man is the same for a transgender and transsexual woman. They should not be confused with masculine women who like to dress in men's clothes or cross dressers. Also they are not just androgynous women. Pronouns used for trans men are he or him.

GENDER FLUID

Gender fluid people can switch from being female to male whenever they want. Their gender identity varies over time and you should just ask them what they want to be called for that day.

NON-BINARY

Non-binary means that some people don't believe they can be just female or male but actually a mixture of both. Commonly used pronouns for non-binary people are them and they. Actually in England, Mx. is a gender honorific that can be used for gender neutrality instead of using Ms. or Mr. It has been slowly gaining acceptance since 2013.(x) Good job, England!

After I did my research, I realized that there are so many other genders besides the ones mentioned. There are pangender (identifies as all genders), trigender (identifies only male, female, and third gender), agender (has no gender) and etc. It's confusing and it will need some getting used to to understand everything. One thing you would learn from all these genders is that it isn't just two options: male or female. It's a spectrum and we have to respect whatever that person identifies as. The first step to openly accepting and respecting that person's gender is by calling them by their proper pronouns. In society, language is such a powerful concept that you have no idea the impact you give when you call a person by their right pronouns.