You may only prepare one copy of Monologue/Pontificate each day. If you are a prepared caster (or a PF caster with infinite 0-level spells) you can only cast it once per day too. When you prepare Monologue/Pontificate, choose another spell you know of the same level. If you don't prepare spells, ignore this.

Time stops while you deliver an extended speech to the heroes. Everyone in a different room from you is frozen in time for the spell's duration (in reality, you and the room are just moving a lot faster than everything else, so there is no save against this affect and no, you aren't immune to it). People in the same room are to dumb to attack you while you're giving a speech, and just sit there doing nothing. They may take a single free action each round to talk back to you, but must take a will save to do so unless you specifically allow them to speak without making such a save.

During the spell, you can only take standard actions to concentrate on the spell, move actions to pace around in a suitably smarmy manner (though you reappear in the same location you started in for an insufficiently explained reason when the spell ends) or free actions to talk.

Once the spell ends, not only do you return to your original location, but everyone returns to normal initiative order, it becomes whoever's turn it was before you cast the spell. You immediately gain an extra 0-level spell for the day, which is prepared as the spell you chose earlier if you prepare spells, and yes, you can have your swift action back, may it serve you well. If you got it as a Spell-like ability, any further uses of it today are resolved as whatever spell you chose.

Arcane casters usually call this spell Monologue, while divine casters are at least a little bit more honest and call the same spell Pontificate.

The Holy Macguffin

This minor artifact often takes the form of a tall square-based pyramid which usually comes in groups of six (Abjuration), ritual knife which is utterly useless for actual combat (Conjuration), crystal ball (Divination), control rod, collar or chain (Enchantment), part of a massive cannon (Evocation), lens which conveniently fits in a staff (Illusion), Skull (Necromancy) or crystal of a colour representing one of the energy types (Transmutation). In any case, the item radiates a strong aura of that kind of magic, and cannot be damaged or dispelled, but is absolutely useless when the character tries to do anything with it.

Weapon and Armour proficiency: The Mook is proficient with one melee weapon, one projectile weapon, one thrown weapon, one type of armour and either one type of shield or a light weapon of some kind.

Mook Special Attacks:

Mooks have special abilities, which they use to annoy PCs to no end. They aren't generally very useful, and most of them aren't actually special, or even attacks, but hey! Don't be mean to the poor mooks!

They can choose one per level, at their own, or a lower, level.

1st:

Throw attack!: The Mook can throw a weapon it has even if it has both its hands full. It must be wielding either a weapon and a shield, two weapons or a two-handed weapon (in which case it would be easy enough to do this anyway, but whatever) to do this.
They Won't Take Me Alive!: The Mook gains DR 2/Lethal.
l337 5k1115: 7h3 M00k g3ts 4n07h3r c1455 5k111. 7h15 c4n 0n1y b3 t4k3n 4t f1r57 13v31. 7h3 M00k 15 4150 r3411y n3rdy.
Translation: The Mook gets another class skill. This can only be taken at first level. The Mook is also really nerdy.
Sneak Attack!: The mook gains the ability to Sneak Attack things in the same manner as a rogue, but it only does 1d3 damage, and it can only be taken once every two levels.

2nd:

We Have Reserves!: They have reserves. The Mook is therefore treated as expendable. He gets an extra hit point per level.
Warrior Mook!: The Mook can actually hit things. He gets a +1 on attack rolls.
Martial Artist: The Mook punches things. He gains the monk's first-level unarmed strike abilities.

3rd:

I Am Actually Five Blokes!: The Mook calls another Mook with his I Am Actually Four Blokes ability.
Magical Charge Attack!: Once every 1d4 rounds, the Mook can charge through a character (or even multiple characters) instead of just towards them, automatically hitting but never critically and doing all damage as magic damage. The Mook doesn't provoke attacks of Opportunity.
Smash Attack!: Once every 1d4 rounds, the Mook can make a smash attack as a full-round action, causing everyone in reach to take a hit, except the Mook's allies who are not affected. The Mook never hits critically with this attack.

4th:

Blasty blasty!: The Mook learns a single 1st-level spell from the Spellslinger spell list (See sig for details) as a spell-like ability, usable once every 1d4 rounds.
Healbot: The Mook may Lay on Hands as a Paladin of two levels lower than the Mook.
Orders: The Mook may give orders to other Mooks as a standard action. These orders affect every allied Mook in range. He may choose between these orders:
Kill them all!: The Mooks get +1 to attack and damage rolls.
Tactical Retreat!: The Mooks don't provoke attacks of opportunity when moving.
Defensive positions!: The Mooks get a +1 dodge bonus to AC.

5th:

BLASTY BLASTY!: The Mook learns a single 2nd-level spell from the Spellslinger spell list (See sig for details) as a spell-like ability, usable once every 1d4 rounds.
Drop A Rock On Him: The Mook can drop a massive rock on someone as a standard action every 1d4 rounds. The rock takes until the start of the Mook's next turn to land, but does 6d6 damage if it hits (and will, of course, hit anyone else standing there at the start of the turn). The rock mysteriously doesn't hurt the Mook's allies.
You're in the way! Move!: The Mook can push everyone 15 feet directly away from his location once every 1d4 rounds as a standard action. His enemies also take 2d6 damage from this attack.

What measure is a Mook?: From 2nd level, anyone who kills the Mook must take a will save (DC 10+1/2 the Mook's level+The Mook's charisma modifier) or spend the next free moment thinking about the Mook's family. If the character finds the picture of the Mook's spouse and children, they automatically fail this check.

I Am Actually Four Blokes!: From third level, the Mook is actually four blokes, but three of them are 1st-level Mooks. Accordingly, three first-level Mooks appear as close as possible to the Mook at the start of combat.

Who Da Boss?: Da Mook Da Boss. Da Mook don't care about no conditions, 'cept for that Dead one. Dat mook don't take no effects from any of this sweet trio of conditions of yer druthers, save that you can't choose anythin' stupid, not like no Dead nor Dyin', and no Helpless or Stable, and none of dat Staggered or Unconscious business neither.

Translation: The Mook is immune to three conditions of your choice, except for Dead, Dying, Helpless, Stable, Staggered or Unconscious.

This One Has Talent: At sixth level, the poor Mook gets a real class with real class features. Swap all of its Mook levels for real levels. Have you considered giving your Mook a name? How about Jonah the Destructor or Katherine the Scourge? Come on, they're sixth level now, they can have cool names, can't they?

Variant Class: Magic Mook:
- Change high Fortitude to high will
- Swap out all the Mook special attacks for a zero, first, second, second and third level Spellslinger or Magic Mook spell, usable at will as a spell-like ability.

Composer99

2014-04-10, 10:04 AM

Can you get a free bonus feat equivalent to Monologue/Pontificate if you're not a spellcaster but you also need to take the opportunity for some serious scenery-chewing? :smallwink:

Jormengand

2014-04-10, 10:07 AM

Can you get a free bonus feat equivalent to Monologue/Pontificate if you're not a spellcaster but you also need to take the opportunity for some serious scenery-chewing? :smallwink:

Trait: Speech-maker
Benefit: You may use Monologue/Pontificate once per day as a spell-like ability.
Drawback: The player characters think you're really boring. Also, you just wasted your trait. You had better things to do with that trait, right?