Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I went camping with Dina and the kids this week. After a few hours of hiking followed by a swim in the lake, Ezra and I were drying off when he had his first unfortunate encounter with a horse-fly. And the first question that he had after the fly bit him was, “Daddy why did God make horse-flies?” My answer wasn’t much of an answer, “Maybe someday we will get a chance to ask God that.” But he got me thinking… really, why horse-flies? …and mosquitoes, and ticks?

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Today I made the annual trip to the local grocery store to get cards for my wife and my mother for Mother’s Day. Standing there in the card section with several other men who were eyeing the rows of pastel cards with lacey covers and calligraphy lettering of various sentimental sayings about motherhood I began to have a strange feeling. I looked at some of the sayings on these cards and thought to myself, “I would never say something like that to my mom.” The truth is I don’t know too many men that would ever say half of the things on those cards to their moms, much less ever think the words on those cards. Those guys are standing in line because, well, it’s just what you’re supposed to do… isn’t it? I suspect that for many men Mother’s Day is a sort of obligatory day that can be summed up in the philosophy of “If mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” And one thing we know for sure is that cards make moms happy! The reality is that in our culture Mother’s Day has become more of a day of appeasement rather than appreciation, of sentimental dribble than of heartfelt thanks, a day more about obligation than celebration.

And few of us are immune from feeling that way. The truth is that I stood in that card section today in rebellion against my own wife’s wishes. Last year I had spent close to 20 dollars on cards for Dina from me and the kids and she was not in the least bit impressed. In fact she made it very clear that she did not want another Hallmark card for Mother’s Day. It’s not that she is opposed to cards. She has received cards from myself and others on various occasions that have meant a whole lot to her. But there is something in the obligation of Mother’s Day, of the mindless tradition of Hallmark cards, that was not only not honoring or affirming her in her motherliness, but in fact cheapening the whole thing.

So why then was I standing there looking at the cards today? I am not sure other than, well, that’s what you’re supposed to do isn’t it? Surely she didn’t mean that she really didn’t want a card did she?

But as I looked through the plethora of cards that range from funny to sentimental to religious, to cards that play music and tell jokes, I realized that at the very best I would be relying on the words of some other poet or stock writer to capture how I feel about my wife as a mother, and while the occasional card might come close to how I feel it won’t really get at how I truly feel about my wife as the mother of my kids or even how I feel about my own mother. The Mother’s Day card represents obligation, and obligation does not equal honor.

As I was thinking about this it occurred to me that what I see in our culture concerning Mother’s Day is not much different from the way folks tend to view God. There is a general sense in America that there is a God and that we are obligated to give him ‘cards’ on certain days because we think that he must want them. The ‘cards’ we give him are any of a variety of things we do out of obligation from showing up at a church on Sunday mornings, to dropping a check in the plate, to reading the Bible. And while none of these things in and of themselves is wrong it is certainly not honoring to God if it is simply obligation.

Dina doesn’t want a card because it’s pointless… empty tradition. What does she really want? A husband and kids who love her, and appreciate her, who have taken the time to notice what reaches her heart, and who have made the effort to do just that, not out of obligation or even cultural pressure, but just because their world is better because she is a part of it.

I suspect that it is the same in our relationship with God. In the Old Testament book of Amos, the prophet delivers a word to the people of Israel condemning them for their solemn days, and festivals, and worship services to God. God says to Israel (Amos 5:23-24):

“Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps.
But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!”

In other words God is saying through the prophet, “I’m not interested in your Hallmark cards, or your flowers, or even lunch at a nice restaurant. I want you to get what I am about—freeing the oppressed, setting wrongs right, compassion, mercy, love, and justice… Do you really want to honor me? Let me see by your actions that you get what I am about! That is truly better than innumerable cards because it shows me that you know me, that you know my heart, that there is something more between us than empty tradition and obligation.”

With this in mind, how can we truly honor and appreciate God?
And with this in mind how can we truly honor and appreciate our mothers and wives?

So I have had this pair of shoes for a few years now and have by no means been a bad steward of them. Dina has made repeated threats that she was going to throw them away knowing that I would probably dig them out of the garbage but finally I was convinced that it was time to let go of this great pair of shoes after the smell finally caught up with the awful appearance (due to getting soaked on my bike ride the other day and not drying out very well). So today my wife is in complete shock as I placed them in the trash can by my own volition.