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He’s here! Our sweet, cherished, much-loved, and hard-earned son Sayer Augustus arrived on Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 6:03 a.m after over 30 hours of labor. He weighed 7 lbs., 13.2 oz., was 20.5″ long, and has a head full of brown hair. (So much hair!) We think his eyes are blue, but it’s really hard to tell yet. He looks a whole lot like his brother Silas did at birth, which is a first for us – his six older siblings all look very different from one another. It’s fun to compare Silas & Sayer’s pictures and see how much they look alike. Sayer’s hair is darker and fuller, and his eyes are lighter – but otherwise, they are carbon copies so far!

He is currently two days old and doing very well. My mother-in-law has been taking care of my family since Tuesday evening and has been an enormous blessing (as she always is). She is leaving tomorrow (sniff). My older daughters have also been indispensable and more helpful than I ever imagined. They are wonderful kids! This morning was hard, as Sayer was just plain hungry. So he cried and cried and refused to latch after a while. But by this afternoon, I finally coaxed him to nurse again, and he realized the good stuff is coming. And how he’s sleeping and eating peacefully again. I am loving and soaking up these first precious days with him – oh, how quickly it’s over. He will be enormous before I can blink, and life will be a blur of family and homeschooling and homekeeping, and I will long for these days. So I’m trying my best to sit back and just stare at him as I recover from his marathon birth.

I am still processing many details of his birth. I think I’m going to try to give a basic overview, and perhaps I will add to it as time goes on. Some details are very difficult/personal and may never be shared here, but if you are a loved one, feel free to engage me in conversation. I love each one of my birth stories and am an advocate for informed birth, and as such, I enjoy talking with people about it. I have had two hospital births, one freestanding birth center birth, and four homebirths, and each has taught me something. Writing them down helps me sort, file, & remember. But this birth was very hard, and I don’t think I’m even ready to write some things down yet.

Last Wednesday, at 38 weeks even, I was barely 2 cm dilated, 70% effaced, and cervix posterior. This was discouraging news for me, as I am always more progressed at 38 weeks. Like many grand multiparas, I had been having prodromal labor, regular & irregular contractions, etc. for a couple of weeks. Usually, this progresses me far enough that when labor actually decides to go full force, it’s not too long before the baby’s here. This time, I was concerned that labor would be either a long way off, or a very long one, as it seemed like my body was working but things weren’t progressing. My instincts were correct.

Labor began Monday night (38 weeks, 5 days). I started having regular contractions that felt like early labor in the evening, and when I went to bed, I would barely drift off to sleep before a contraction would wake me up. By 2 a.m., I realized I wasn’t going to get any sleep, so I started tracking labor on my phone. Contractions were regular and timeable (10-12 min apart, 60-90 sec long) and lasted all night. I woke my husband up at some point (I think around 4 a.m. Tuesday morning?) and told him what was going on. I was starting to deal with some serious anxiety about this labor – it wasn’t picking up and I couldn’t sleep. I was afraid that once things finally got serious, I’d have no energy left to push. Sleep deprivation makes things so much harder. Anxiety feeds the fear-pain-tension cycle. As someone who has had five beautiful, unmedicated, out-of-hospital births, I knew that this anxiety was not normal for me and was very much working against me. I talked with our midwife, Hannah, and she was very encouraging and had some great advice. I told her we’d let her know when we needed her, but I knew things were going very slowly and it would be a while.

We tried several things throughout the day Tuesday (38 weeks, 6 days). Labor paused a couple of times for an hour or so, but always picked back up. I tried lavender epsom salt baths, a glass of wine, napping, etc – but the labor persisted. I wanted labor to pause so I could rest and finish with the energy and strength I knew I’d need, but it was not to be. Eventually, the contractions got closer together. By midnight Tuesday (which I guess is actually Wednesday?) they were 5-7 min apart and feeling slightly stronger. I had been in labor over 24 hours and was looking at a second night without any sleep – and I was completely spent. I tried very hard to get some sleep, but labor just kept on coming. Persistent, hard work, but not getting stronger. I was completely and utterly exhausted. My body and mind were spent, and my spirit was having trouble dragging them along.

In the wee hours of Wednesday morning, we decided to go to the hospital for an epidural. I knew that I needed labor to either pick up and finish or stop – I needed rest. There was no way I was going to be able to push out the baby after essentially being awake since Monday morning. I knew that an epidural would give me a chance to rest. I hoped that labor would then progress, as well. We prayed and talked for many hours and had complete peace over this decision. Hannah was very supportive of whatever we decided.

On a clear, beautiful, starry morning, we were admitted to labor & delivery. I was now 39 weeks even. After over 24 hours of labor, I was still only 4-5 cm, 90% effaced, and cervix still somewhat posterior! (This from the woman who has had two labors start-to-finish in 1.5 hrs or less!) Baby’s head was high. I just needed to rest. I had an epidural at 3 a.m., and rested until I was ready to push.

I felt the urge to push after a couple of hours. I didn’t know how pushing would go with an epidural – the last one I had was 13 years ago, and it was my first birth. A lifetime ago. Turns out, whether because of the epidural or because of his position or because I was totally exhausted, pushing was much harder this time. I worked really hard. It was still only 10 minutes, but my last five babies were pushed out in 5 minutes or less. I started on hands and knees, but it wasn’t working for me, so I asked for the squatting bar. Even with the epidural, I was able to use the bar with the end of the bed dropped and push in a squat (with nurses helping me get there!). Sayer was born at 6:03 a.m. – after 30 hours of labor over three days – with a lump on his head from bad presentation – AND a nuchal hand (hand by his face). No wonder it took so long. No wonder things never progressed. His head was poorly positioned and labor was working against me until the very end.

The nurses and staff at the hospital were largely wonderful, helpful, and encouraging. Many were fascinated by my birth history and asked me lots of questions. I was treated well, with respect, and the post-birth care was exactly how I wanted it – the baby was not taken from me without my consent, ever. The cord was left alone until it was done pulsing. We had an hour of skin-to-skin before a nurse came to weight & measure him – and she didn’t do any of the things I declined (no bath, no shots or eye ointment). We were able to leave after 24 hours to come home to our family.

There are things that were hard, and things that I regret. I was so completely exhausted that I was not able to be my own best advocate, and in dealing with the hospital midwife I was given, I consented to choices I regret. Overall, the choice to go to the hospital was one I would make again in a heartbeat. But I would make sure to have a clear-headed, well-rested advocate with me! If I ever were to plan a hospital birth, I would make sure to have a doula. Obviously, this hospital birth was not planned, so things went differently. In the end, Sayer is healthy, and I was able to push him out, and those things are priceless to me.

I think this is the type of birth that will take months, if not years, to truly process. I keep remembering things – facts, emotions, hazy memories – and piecing it all together. I second guess decisions we made, mourn the homebirth I didn’t get to have, and deal with huge feelings that I didn’t know were there. Simultaneously, I’m filled with gratefulness, joy at a healthy baby, confirmation and peace at most decisions we made. Throw in post partum hormones and I’m bit of a gigantic roller coaster mess right now. And that’s okay. I have a great family – truly the best husband & children a woman could ever want – and my sweet baby is like a healing balm all by himself.

I dug into my archives today, looking for exact birth stats for some of my kids (I knew my blog wouldn’t let me down!), and I was so delighted to read the detailed entries I posted up until their births. In the years before Facebook became a common way to connect, people followed me via my blog. I reached out via my blog. I recorded a lot more! It was my journal.

I miss that. I can’t promise I’ll blog daily again, but I would like to try to record some thoughts today, as I look forward to the birth of our seventh baby.

This pregnancy has both flown by and dragged on. Such is the case when you already have six children to care for. Physically, I am very ready for this little guy to be born. My body is tired, I’m not sleeping well, etc. I’ve had a lot more heartburn this time than with most others (except Ellery), so I half expect a redhead. (After her pregnancy, I read a study that correlated heartburn in pregnancy with redheaded babies! Really!) I’m ready to get my body back and exercise comfortably and have energy again. My core was in pretty poor shape prior to this (somewhat surprise) pregnancy, and now it’s just plain shot. I have diastasis recti and an umbilical hernia. I’m honored and blessed to have been able to grow one nearly-term and six full-term babies in this body; it’s truly an amazing miracle that I do not take lightly. But the result of that is a tired core that could have used some care and repair between babies. I’m guilty; I didn’t do enough. I’m looking forward to a restful post partum/babymoon period and then gently working my core back into shape. Whether or not God blesses us with more babies, this body needs to be strong to keep up with the seven I’ve already got!

Emotionally, I’m also ready to hold my son. I can’t wait to see what he looks like. We have such a genetic diversity in our family that the most fun part of seeing our newest child is discovering his features! The three sons we already have couldn’t be more varied physically if they tried: from almost-black brunette to bleach blond to light brown hair; from almost-black to bright blue to hazel-green eyes – those boys are a rainbow. I love it. I love them. It makes it likely, then that this 4th son will resemble one or more of this brothers. There aren’t a lot of choices left! If he has red hair and bright green eyes, we will truly have covered it all. I know the first couple of weeks just fly by – oh, how I know! – and I want to rush to get there and THEN hit the pause button and just savor this new guy. My babies grow so very fast that I have to sit and just stare at them every day those first weeks to truly take it all in.

Logistically, I’m not really ready. I have more organizing and cleaning to do in our master bedroom. We had some basement plumbing and water issues last month, and we are still putting things back together from that (both financially and furniture-wise!) and the house hasn’t felt fully clean since everything blew up. There are dozens of small home projects that both Jason and I would love to complete before the baby comes. But really, we know it’s not going to happen. We just want to feel more clean & organized and then enjoy our new boy.

The kids are so excited. Well, except Lyra. She just turned two Sunday (!!) and has NO IDEA how much her life is going to change. She’s very much the baby, and doesn’t even like it when I hold one of her brothers on my lap to read, so having a baby that doesn’t leave is going to shock her a bit. She does like to see babies, though, so I have hope that she will surprise me with her adjustment. She is the youngest to become an older sibling in our family (the other kids are all 2 yrs. 2 mos. – 2 yrs. 8 mos apart) so developmentally, I don’t think she grasps anything yet. The older kids are anxious to hold him, know his name, and even witness his labor. Maya (13) has witnessed three of her siblings’ births and wants to be present for this one. Ellery (11) wants to be around but isn’t sure she wants to be present for the actual birth. Asher (8) claims he wants to watch, but I’m not sure he knows enough about birth yet to make that decision. I made the girls watch birth videos before they decided in prior births, so perhaps that’s the way to go with him. I’d better get on that.

The younger kids will likely hang out at a friend’s house if it’s daytime. I kinda hope it’s nighttime so they can just sleep and wake up to a new baby, easy peasy (for them!). Lyra is extremely shy, so I don’t think she’ll do well at another home, and thus she’ll stay home with Ellery caring for her. At least that’s the plan.

In terms of progress: last week at 37 weeks, 1 day, I was 1.5 cm diated, 40% effaced, -1 station. I was surprised by how closed I was! And I was surprised again today, at 38 weeks even, to find that I’m only 2 cm, 70% effaced, and cervix quite posterior. I’ve never been less than a stretchy 3 cm at 38 weeks, that I can recall. (Gotta go back and read more blog archives, I guess!). And remember, I was 5 cm+, 75% effaced, and waters bulging at this stage with Asher! I’ve been crampy and having irregular contractions/prodromal labor for the past two weeks, so I expected more. I’m always more open and effaced at this point. I know, intellectually, that numbers don’t mean much and I could still give birth any time now, but I also have my prior six pregnancies to compare to. I am just always more physically ready at this point. Puzzling, isn’t it? I know myself well enough to know that all of my emotions are normal (I’m never going to have this baby, I’ll be pregnant forever, I can’t wait another 1-2 weeks, What if this means my labor will be longer/harder?). I’ve done this before. But it doesn’t negate that fact that the emotions/thoughts are really there, and I have to deal with them.

So now: my job is to be at peace. Be content with every single day this baby is cozy and healthy and safe inside me. Pray for his well being, for his safe arrival, and try to be present for my family as I await the birth (whenever it comes!). Besides my first, who was born at 35 weeks, 5 days, the earliest I’ve had a baby is 38 weeks, 5 days. That would be this coming Monday. And the, ahem, data seems to suggest we may have a bit longer to wait. Whatever, I can handle this. I’m going to spend tomorrow nesting a bit, spending extra quality time with my current baby, play games and read lots of books, tell my older kids how much I appreciate their help, remind my husband how much I love him…and I’m going to try very hard not to think about how I’m not in labor.

We are very happy to share that we are expecting our 7th baby to arrive sometime in late July/early August – and we just found out it’s a BOY!!

I am 19 weeks and enjoying the middle of this pregnancy – no longer sick (it was BAD this time) and not horribly enormous yet. My core and ab muscles are pretty shot from all of those babies, so I’m wearing my belly support a little earlier this time. I am prone to headaches, but our amazing and miraculous chiropractor fixes that whenever they recur, so I’m feel pretty optimistic about that. Other than that, I feel great, and I’m enjoying some regular exercise.

We are planning our 5th homebirth (we have also had one hospital birth and one freestanding birth center birth) – and for the first time, we are using a different midwife. Not by choice, but rather by necessity; our beloved Linda will be on vacation (how dare she?!) the week I am due! So we are going with the daughter of the other midwife that worked with Linda during Ellery’s pregnancy (both of whom missed her birth entirely). We like Hannah very much and look forward to working with her.

We had our first day of (home)school on September 2, 2014. After a two week break due to the pukeys (so fun with such a big family!!) and getting our “old” house on the market, we’re back at it. I will try to update with a homeschool curriculum post soon, but for now, here’s a pic of my students for this year – our first year on the front steps of our new house. Sniff. Bittersweet!

We had a baby! Lyra Luca was born at home on July 17, 2014 at 12:34 p.m. (coolest time: 1-2-3-4, get it?). She was 7 lbs. 2 oz., 20″ long, and was born in just over two hours with one push. We moved into our new house just three days before she was born and are still recovering. 🙂 Our old split entry 1975 farmhouse has been completely renovated and is on the market – stay tuned for a post on that!

Lyra is precious, growing fast, and completely adored around here. Thanks be to God for His wonderful gifts! (Follow me on Instagram if you’d like more updates than what you’re getting on the blog lately. 🙂

I am currently 14 weeks pregnant and feeling less like death warmed over. But not much. Baby Tomato is due in July (tomato season, see?) and I’m looking forward to my first summer birth. Maybe an outside one? (Let’s not dwell on the HOT that is a summer pregnancy. Nope.) The girls are lobbying for a girl, and the boys want a boy, of course. We grown ups are praying for healthy and full term.

We are all doing well and finally using that lower level family room that we started working on last spring. It’s great!

I am currently sipping tea and hiding under a blanket. There be sub-zero wind chills and blizzard-like conditions out there, yo. Stay warm!

What we thought was a sure thing (moving to town behind the church where my husband is assistant pastor) turned out not to be. Thankfully, we are fairly good at rolling with the punches. We are at peace with our decision to walk away from the house. There was a huge lack of trust that developed after the inspection revealed some big misrepresentations in the real estate listing. We couldn’t get to a price that we all agreed with. And so we terminated our agreement.

We are truly grateful for the chance to step back and reflect. It allowed us to think, pray, ponder…and we realized the house was no longer worth it for us. God is good and we are fine. We look forward to finishing up the projects we have here at the country house and staying here as long as we can. When I see the kids wander our acreage, exploring and playing together, I know we will be just fine.

To close, a letter my husband wrote to the congregation this week:

Dear beloved friends:

If you have not heard me say it yet, our family is very grateful for the congregation’s agreement to sign the purchase agreement for us to get the yellow house through [church lending institution]. We are humbled and grateful. The extra work required of church staff, the prayers, and the special voters’ assembly touched us with your love and care in a very special way.

Unfortunately, I need to write you now to tell you that the deal is not going to go through. The inspections have been completed, some negotiations followed, and the result is that the agreement has been terminated.

Sometimes, the shortest path between two points is a zigzag, as the people of Israel discovered in their trek from Egypt to Sinai, and later to Canaan. The move to the yellow house seemed to be a clear path for us to live closer to the hub of church ministry, to have a better arrangement for family bedrooms and storage, and to reduce our monthly expenses. It turned out not to be the path we were to take, though I am confident that God will use the experience to help our family clarify our desires and goals for any future housing improvements or changes.

Thank you for your patience during this process. We never intended to draw the whole congregation into an experience of disappointment. We were excited about what we thought was going to happen, but God surely has better plans in mind.

You may be interested in learning more details of why we are not getting the home. Publicly, I will limit my comments to this: The inspections uncovered that the home would have required more work and expense than we initially expected and the listing initially indicated. We could not come to an agreement on a reduced price and we were not comfortable with the amount of work that would be needed.

Please continue to pray for our family’s wisdom in housing decisions; and please accept my personal apology for any confusion or disappointment this whole experience has caused.

Big changes. Fast and furious ones. While we are heartbroken over leaving our gorgeous acreage, this new house suits our family so much better – four bedrooms on the second floor (SILAS WILL HAVE A NURSERY and there aren’t big enough capital letters for the excitement over the sleep I plan on getting), two living spaces on the main floor (one for homeschool!), a basement for rec space/craft space/storage), a fenced yard for the six city chickens and small garden we will have, and the biggie – 30 second commute to church for Jason. That there’s the church in our backyard.

There’s already a gate in the fence. It was meant to be.

The kitchen as it looks right now. Lots of customizing opportunities here! And there’s that black-and-white coil top stove that seems to be a mandatory item for any home I move into…

Of course, it’s a mixed blessing. We are honest with ourselves re: the disappointment over leaving the country, but we are also very expectant of the great benefits of city living – more walkable, greatly reduced transportation costs, the ability to support local farms with our finances and time. We plan to stay active at the local farms we’ve come to love. Our chickens will be living with friends, with full visitation rights. We will go hiking and be outside as much as possible. We can walk to the grocery store! And the children will have access to the church’s property without even crossing the street, including the school’s playgrounds.

We are blessed by the new house. We won’t be moving until February (earliest), as there is much work to be done before we can move in. (We apparently love to buy houses with lots of disgusting carpet to rip out!). Then we’ll get this current house all ready to sell to the next owners – now that everything is brand new and just how I like it. I’m getting pretty good at designing a lovely new kitchen for some other lucky cook to enjoy!

Hot pink family bath! Our daughters want to paint it immediately, whereas our 6yo son thinks it’s an awesome color. You just never know what they’re gonna like. (For the record, it’s getting painted FIRST THING.)

We would love your thoughts and prayers as we anticipate a whole lot of home improvement projects in the coming months, in addition to that not-so-small task of moving the worldly goods of seven people across town. (I’m seriously thinking of just bringing the beds, a week’s worth of clothes for every season, and perhaps a sofa, and all the kitchen stuff–and just donating the rest to charity. Wouldn’t that be so much easier?!) Not sure how it will all get done, but I have confidence that it will. Somehow.

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Hi there! I'm Serina, homeschooling mom to seven and wife to a pastor/engineer. We live on a grassy knoll at the edge of a very brambly wood. We like to grow and create - art, plants, animals, memories, stories, songs. We are makers, builders, writers, readers, thinkers, and dreamers. Literature, music, and food are central to our home. Welcome to my online journal.