However, the subsequent revelations about BBC pay has put it all in to perspective. Prof Dame Glynis' £451k could only buy you a Claudia Winkleman or a Matt Baker. Steve Wright wouldn't even get out of bed for that. However, it's worth noting that you could get three Darcey Bussells, or possibly one and a half Sue Barkers. Or, if you shop around, a newsroom including Gavin Esler, Justin Webb and Kirsty Wark.

Hmm. Maybe she's not the bargain I thought.

Well, to put things into perspective, and to offer a little light summer reading, Fundermentals is offering you a cut-out-and-keep guide to the trade in value of your VCs. It might just be worth leaving around your senior common room. Good to keep them on their toes.

£100,000-£149,999:
The Cut Price Crowd

Bishop Grosseteste

Glasgow School of Art

Leeds College of Art

Rose Bruford

Royal Conservatoire Scotland

Royal Northern College of Music

I'm sorry. You're going to have to up your offer. Really, at that
kind of price tag you're not going to even get a basic Jonathan Agnew. Possibly half an Aggers: you could see if he's up
for a jobshare. Or a quarter of an
Alan Shearer. You might as well ask; your options are limited if you want
a bit of showbiz sparkle.

Alternatively, if you're feeling a little showbiz, you could get Darcey Bussell or Craig Horwood off Strictly instead. How about Adrian Chiles or Clare Balding? You're in with a shout.

£200,000-£249,999:
A Mixed Bag

Arts University Bournemouth

Bangor

Birmingham City

Bolton

Bradford

Bucks

Derby

Bedfordshire

UEA

Edinburgh Napier

Essex

Goldsmiths

Greenwich

Heriot Watt

Highlands & Islands

Keele

Kingston

Leeds Beckett

London Met

Loughborough

Northampton

Oxford Brookes

QMU

Regents University London

Robert Gordon

Royal College of Art

Royal College of Music

St Andrews

St Georges

University St Mark St John

Salford

SOAS

University of South Wales

Southampton Solent

Staffordshire

Sunderland

University College Birmingham

UCA

University of West London

University of West Scotland

Winchester

York

York St John

There aren't many places where Dannii
Minogue and Alan Yentob would
rub shoulders. But they're both in line to be your next VC. Yes, their BBC
salaries are in line with those of your VC, so who knows? If you play your
cards right....

Elsewhere you might want a bit of Strictly
glamour: you could get Len or Bruno. Equally Jools Holland's in the frame, as is sweary Dr Who Peter Capaldi. Now *that's* the kind
of shake up Senate might need...

£250,000-£299,999:
the Favoured Few

UEL

Bath Spa

Bournemouth

Brighton

Bristol

Brunel

Canterbury Christ Church University

Cardiff

Cardiff Met

UCLAN

Chester

Coventry

Dundee

Durham

Edinburgh

Falmouth

Glasgow

Glasgow Caledonian

Hertfordshire

Hull

Institute of Cancer Research

Kent

Lancaster

Leeds

Leicester

Lincoln

Liverpool Hope

Liverpool John Moores

Liverpool School of Tropical Medicine

LSHTM

London South Bank

Manchester

Middlesex

Newcastle

Northumbria

Nottingham Trent

Plymouth

Portsmouth

QMUL

Queens Belfast

Reading

Roehampton

Royal Veterinary College

Stirling

Surrey

Sussex

Swansea

Teesside

Ulster

University of the Arts London

University of the West England

Westminster

Wolverhampton

Although most VCs fit within this pay bracket (an impressive 53 of
all UK HEIs), I'm afraid the BBC talent is more scant.

So you'd better be quick. You can choose from a clutch of DJs - Zoe Ball, Ken Bruce, Scott Mills or
Trevor Nelson - a hat-trick of journos - Nick Robinson, Evan Davis or George Alaghiah - or go for one of
your own, with the lovely, whispery Manchester Professor of Loveliness, Brian
Cox. The choice, Cilla, is yours.

£300,000-£349,999:
The Arched Eyebrow

Aberystwyth

Aston

Anglia Ruskin

Aberdeen

Cambridge

City

De Montfort

Edge Hill

Glyndwr

Huddersfield

Liverpool

Man Met

Open

RHUL

Sheffield Hallam

University of Wales/St David

Worcester

A slim choice of four, most of whom specialise in arched eyebrows and
sideways glances to camera: Eddie
Mair, Nick Knowles, Lauren Laverne, or Sue Barker.

I know. Might be best to stick with what you've got. Unless you want
unfettered access to Wimbledon, or part of your estates are in desperate need
of a bit of DIY SOS.

£350,000-£399,999:
The Odd Trio

Birkbeck

Cranfield

Exeter

Imperial

Kings

LSE

Nottingham

Oxford

Strathclyde

UCL

Really, there's very little that unites Fiona Bruce, Nick Grimshaw and Tess Daly. Other than that they're in the same pay bracket as your VC, of course.
Still, if you need someone who's good with antiques, can get up at the crack
of dawn, or keep a panel of loudmouths in check, this selection might just be
for you.

£400,000-£449,999:
Kings of the Sofa

Birmingham

London Business School

Sheffield

Warwick

If you've got a sofa you need to test-drive, this could be the
selection for you. And, as luck would have it, you have the cash to lure them
away. Andrew Marr, Nicky Campbell,
Alan Shearer, Alex Jones and - um - Stephen
Nolan. I think the last of these are for our Northern Irish readers only.
I'm not sure of his sofa credentials.

£450,000-£499,999:
Sparkle and Shine

Bath

Yes, Bath, this is for you. You're only outspent by Southampton. For
you, we have the finest riches available to humanity. Or rather, Claudia Winkleman or Matt Baker.

No, I don't understand the BBC remuneration system either.

£650,000-£699,999:
the Gruff Welsh

Southampton

Ah, Southampton. You're in a field of one, and are the only
university that could afford – indeed, afford and then have change left over –
either the irascible John Humphrys
or the grumpy Huw Edwards.

In addition you can afford pretty much the rest of the BBC roster.
Except Jeremy Vine, Steve Wright, Graham Norton, Chris Evans or Gary Lineker.