My Yoga Journey And What Yoga Means To Me

I started this blog because I wanted to use blogging as a coping mechanism against depression. I had just moved back to my home country and I missed expressing myself in English. I was also starting to get serious about my yoga practice and I wanted to inspire people to adopt yoga as part of their self-caring, self-loving routine. In today’s post, I want to get a little more personal and tell you about my yoga journey and philosophy.

My yoga journey.

Mindfulness and meditation have sneaked into the vocabulary of everyone in the last few years. People are actively trying to better themselves and lead a happy, purposeful, more fulfilled lives. And everyone knows the amazing things yoga does to your physical and mental well-being.

I’ve had trouble sleeping ‘normally’ since I was maybe 14 years old. I’ve also been struggling with depression since my high school years and in recent years dealt with anxiety and panic attacks.

But to be honest, I didn’t start yoga in an effort to cope with any of those problems. That didn’t even really cross my mind! I was doing okay-ish at that time of my life, and really just wanted to enjoy being active again and see some changes in my body.

The beginning.

I started practicing yoga alone in my tiny apartment in the fall of 2014. I was 22 years old, desperately wanting to get active again and maybe lose some weight. I was out of shape, out of a job, and feeling out of place in the country that had never felt like mine.

I thought yoga would be a great way to stretch my muscles after working out, and a gentle workout on days when my body wasn’t up for an intense cardio or strength training session. So young, so delusional.

In the beginning, I practiced about half an hour every night. I quickly grew to love the practice and how it kept me active, calmer, constantly challenged. I started to sleep a little better. I had a coping mechanism for any negative feelings, and it was fascinating to see what my body was capable of. How strong I was. How fucking amazing my body actually was.

The Dark Year.

I like to call my bad, ‘oh-boy-I’m-feeling-it-again’ days Dark Days. I also have a Dark Year.

2016 was the worst fucking year of my life.

I was finally back to living abroad, which I loved.

(I miss being not here every single day. I miss being able to express myself in English to people I interact with. The kindness of people. The big cities. The bustle and the life and the variety of options in everyday life. Reese’s cups, anyone?

I miss Japanese restaurants and taking the train every day and the little things, like walking around the city at night by myself. The ocean, most of all. All my life I just wanted to live near the ocean.

If you’re from a small city in a country that has never felt like home to you, you know the ache it brings to your soul.)

I was studying something I was genuinely interested in, which in itself was huge. After high school, I had tried a little bit of this and a little bit of that. But it took me a while rto figure out what I was actually interested in.

It turned out that the whole studying thing wasn’t for me this time around either. I spent months and months in numb hopelessness and despair. I wasn’t sleeping. I was worried about things back at home. My body started throwing panic attacks my way, cause clearly, I didn’t have enough excitement in my life already. I wasn’t motivated or focused or really cared about anything at all.

That was the most depressed I have ever been in my life.

Then my roommate informed me that she was going to kick me out for being ‘too quiet’. Yes, really. I had no friends or money or future. I decided to drop out of school for the third time cause I didn’t have the energy or the resources to fight on all fronts. Everything around me was crumbling down. There was no way out. No light at the end of the tunnel.

Struggling with debilitating defeat and feeling like a complete failure, I arrived back to my home country. I decided to get serious about my yoga practice that I’d been neglecting for months. I just wanted to have something to hold onto, you know?

Yoga is not the cure for anything, but it can be an invaluable tool in your arsenal against any mental or chronic illness.

The panic attacks have disappeared, which is something. I’ve slowly clawed my way back to the land of the living. I’m sleeping a little better. I’ve started to take care of myself again.

The now.

A year ago I uprooted my life, as I’ve done before. I changed countries, burned bridges, cut ties, began again. I have 30k in student loans with no degree to show for it. That’s a terrifying concept to my millennial existence because society has been telling me how higher education is the only way to success and a normal, stable adult life as long as I can remember.

I’m back living in a country which I’ve tried to escape twice now. I’ll keep trying.

In the past year, I’ve turned my on-off yoga practice into a consistent, challenging, and rewarding part of my daily routine.

Yoga has helped me become stronger — physically and mentally — it has helped me love my body, and it’s given me a long-awaited semblance of a purpose. It keeps me grounded, and calm, and present.

Yoga has also shown me how incredibly strong my body is and what it can accomplish. Seeing the progress keeps me inspired to seek other ways to pursue things that help me heal, grow, and chase happiness.

Do you really need yoga in your life?

are on a mission to have a body that’s strong, pain-free, and makes you feel good

need something that inspires you to make healthier choices in your day to day life

just need a fucking break. Time to take care of yourself. Romance yourself. Even if it’s just for one hour.

If you’re looking for something that makes you feel good inside and look like a glowing, confident-oozing, dream-chasing goddess on the outside — yoga’s your jam.

What yoga means to me.

I have a very straightforward, no-nonsense approach to yoga. The pointless bickering about the ‘true’ meaning of yoga and the battle between ‘wrong’ and ‘right’ type of yoga is something that I don’t really care about.

I like yoga because it makes me feel good. It makes me feel better about my body. It makes me sweat and work and swear and cry. It’s a workout for me. Yep, I went there. You’re not the devil if you consider yoga to be your workout. I have no time for any bullshit yoga snobbery, thank you very much.

The moving meditation of sweaty, intense Vinyasa yoga is something that my body craves. I love flowing to my favorite music and enjoying the absolute silence of my mind. My brain’s always busy over thinking and pondering about things that happened 7 years ago. I need the quiet that yoga gives me.

Yoga is an ancient practice that combines the physical with the spiritual. It’s a very private, personal journey into your inner self. If you’re a beginner, you might not feel like meditating and chanting and exploring the non-physical aspects of yoga.

That’s okay.

Focusing only on the physical practice doesn’t make you any less of a yogi. It’s a journey, after all, right? It’s cool to just take your time and be patient for the time when you’re ready to delve deeper into the practice and the yoga lifestyle.

To me, yoga is whatever you make of it. It’s your personal practice. You decide what you want to pursue. You decide which path to take.

My job is to show you how easy and empowering it is to start and build a thriving home yoga practice that leads you towards healing, growth and happiness. I want you to pursue your magic — whether it’s inner peace, or empowerment, or finding your true purpose.

If you vibe with my vibe, click the button below to join my email list! The List is an exclusive, more personal connection where I share weekly

Hi, I’m Vivi! I have a passion for helping women put their health and happiness first, grow into the most glowing version of themselves, and dazzle the world with their magic. After over 3 years of practice and successfully managing my depression with yoga, I’m here to help you start and build a thriving home yoga practice. I’m into bullet journaling, discovering new healthy habits, and spending my nights bundled up with a book and a cup of tea. Also, puppies. Cause who doesn’t love puppies?

Comments

I’m really happy that you found yoga. It has been kind of a savior for me as well and I love your initiative. I look forward to seeing stuff rom you weekly. Reading this piece made me feel like I know you personally. Keep doing what you’re doing. Blessings.

Thank you, Sade! Yoga is a savior for so many people for such different reasons. I’m really happy that this post resonated with you and that you shared your thoughts with me. I hope your week has been kind to you, and thank you again for taking the time and commenting!

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