Recommended Posts

Not as good as it sounds. The viscosity is lower than you might think. In reality it's just a chilled variation of the lubricant used in old hyperdrive cores with all of the grimy qualities. It also tends to leave a slimy residue that takes fourteen years to pass through your system. On the plus side, if you're ever stranded on a desert planet it makes a great permanent cooling agent when applied directly to the skin. For some added fun, its luminescent appearance makes it a great way to freak out your friends into thinking you're radioactive!

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Everyone knows Soylent Smoothie is people. When released from its cryo cup, it can:

- set off life sign detectors

- scare monsters

- take orders communicated to it through its straw

- shapeshift into animals, plants, shapes of organic keys

- activate biological security panels

- seek its brethren by climbing toward a vat of Soylent sludge, ruining equipment and barriers in its path

Naturally, once empty, the cryo cup can be used to:

- capture small fast-moving animals or robots

- carry radioactive rods or other small hot objects

- manufacture ice cubes from a coffee dispenser

- put Little Lord Galgafrans the Complainer in stasis until he can be smuggled into the senate chamber and released to annoy the High Council

It sounds like you're more interested in advertising slogans/product warnings than puzzle ideas, but maybe it's helpful to know that these ideas are obvious enough to use for puzzles. If they occurred to me, they'll probably occur to the average player.

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Soylent Smoothee™ is great for repairing pesky holes in both tires and humans. Just spread a small amount liberally over the puncture, wait a moment for it to harden and then reinflate with your favorite gas. Warning: Soylent Smoothee™ is not a permanent fix. Please head to a repair center as soon as possible after applying Soylent Smoothee™!

Lost in space with no ice? Try mixing Soylent Smoothee™ with your favorite liquor and get that party started!

To fix a vacuum that's lost suction, simply Rub Soylent Smoothee™ vigorously along the shaft until it's good and hard. Wait 30 seconds, then wipe off the excess.

Friends want to live vicariously through you? Just send them off to the Soylent Smoothee™ factory and we'll send you back a crate of our finest.

Pour one whole cup of Soylent Smoothee™ over the nearest space police officer. It's a fun way to get out of a traffic ticket.

Consumption of Soylent Smoothee™ is a great alternative to doctor assisted suicide for 99.99% of all lifeforms! Sorry you .01-percenters, this time you lose.

*I think the first and last are the funniest ones, and could easily be reduced to just their initial clauses which is probably funnier in most contexts.

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

It'd be a more popular drink if there was a scratch and win game on the side of the cryo cup. Prizes like unlimited video game credits, or buy one get one free medium Soylent Smoothie. Might be incentive to pick through the trash bins for cups. Picking through trash bins, now that brings back the old janitor days.