I Will Survive

When major television networks, such as CBS, deem someone a “professional cyclist” I tend to get a wee bit suspicious. Yeah, sure he is. Just like I am, because, after all, I’ve won money pedaling my bike, too.

But wouldn’t you know, the man pictured above, Tyson Apostol, contestant on the current rendition of Survivor, indeed raced as a full-on Euro pro for three years as far as I can tell:

According to the Survivor website, Apostol is described thusly: “In many ways Tyson can be brash, egotistical and unapologetic but, oddly enough, he has no tolerance for ‘know-it-alls’ or individuals who lack common courtesy. In addition to, as he describes it, ‘looking awesome,’ his favorite hobbies are exercising and sunbathing. If he becomes the next sole SURVIVOR, he plans to use all of the money for selfish purposes, starting with ‘the most smoking motorcycle around.’

That sounds like Mario Cipollini. Or most of the Rock Racing roster.

Can Apostol prevail and upgrade his meager cycling-centric income to one padded with a $1,000,000 injection of cash?

I LIVE IN WISCONSIN AND I’VE BEEN HANGING WITH MATT KELLY FOR A FEW YEARS NOW. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS A CYCLIST FOR A LONG TIME. HE’S INTO MUSIC AND RUNS A CSA FARM NOW. WE HAD A BAND CALLED LOS ZOMBIES FOR A WHILE. HE’S A QUIET AND FUNNY DUDE. ANYWAYS, I LOOKED HIM UP ON THE INTERNET TODAY AND I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WAS KIND OF LEGENDARY. I WAS JUST IN HIS PARENTS GARAGE AND THERE’S LIKE 10 LEMOND POPRADS IN THERE. HE RIDES A FUCKING GARAGESALE BIKE. ITS NOT EVEN NAME BRAND. ITS A RIDGERIDER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ITS A HYBRID. NONE OF HIS OLD BIKES ARE COMPLETE.