"Last christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day you said you were gay

If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, she's a slut. If a guy does it, he's gay, definitely gay.

I tried to be gay once. I sucked.

Religion is like homosexuality: I'm afraid to try it incase I like it.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try anal tonight, but she thought it would be too painful. How can wearing a strap-on be painful?

I like my women how I like my coffee ... I fucking hate coffee.

I finally told my parents they're gay.

Being gay is ok, being bisexual is ok, being straight is ok, what's not ok? Wearing crocs.

If you drive around in a Prius, don't be offended when a gay guy hits on you

One day their was a man who hated aggressive women. He always wanted to have sex with a gentle man.

If a gay man is murdered.. is it homocide?

If a man turns himself into a women and a women turns himself into a man and they both have sex would that be considered gay?

My dyslexic gay friend is so excited for February 14th. He thinks it's Vaseline Day!

Your so gay when someone asked you for a sperm donation you farted in a cup

The only thing Count Chocula has in common with a regular vampire is that he's gay.

If gays aren't attracted to girls, then why are they attracted to men who behave like girls.

If god hates gays why did he create them?

If vampires can't see their reflections in the mirror, then how does Edward Cullen make himself look so gay.

Even though I saw my mortal enemy in a gay porn scene online, I can never mention it, for obvious reasons.

Better to watching gay porn and be thought of as gay than to listen to Justin Bieber and remove all doubt

Gay Or Not, if a girl walks past another girl with a fat A$$ she's going to turn around and look!

Gay bar
A straight guy walks into a bar and a couple steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."

When the transvestite waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"

The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."

The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."

The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"

The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"

The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."

The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"

The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"

High School Reunion

They're are four guys at a High School Reunion. Three rich guys, and one mildly retarded. The mildly retarded one leaves to the restroom.

One of them says. Let us talk about or rich and successful sons.

The first one says, "My son is so rich and successful and bought his best friend a Lamborghini."

The Second one says, "My son is so rich and successful he bought his best friend a Private Jet."

The Last one says, "Well my son is so rich and successful he bought his best friend his own Island."

The retarded one returns from the restroom and says, "Watcha talking bout'?"

One of them says "Just or sons, How bout yours?"

The retarded one says, "Well my sons a gay stripper at a gay bar. But he did just get a Fancy Car, a Jet and a Really large island from his three boyfriends."

Rear Ended
I go to this job interview....my back is killing me...
The employer asks "What happened?"...
I said "I got rear ended"
She says "that is terrible..you look ok...is the car alright?"
I say there was no car accident!!!

Hot Date
A gay guy had a hot date lined up. The problem was that his apartment was flooded.
So he asked his friend if he could use his place for the night.
His friend reluctantly agreed, but warned the gay guy not to make a mess, or have sex all over his house.
The next day his friend comes back to see his apartment. When he opens the front door he sees cum covering the entire living room.
He shouts at the gauy guy, "What the fuck happened I told you not to do it in here!"
The gay guy responds, "We didn't, I just farted."

Coming Out Of The Closet
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said,
"Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

Sunday Sermon
So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of bills.
When the basket gets back to the minister, he notices the wad of money and announces: "Someone here was very generous in the offering today. I would like to ask the person who gave this large amount of money to please stand."
The gay man stood up.
The minister continued, "Well, sir, we certainly do appreciate your generosity. And to show our appreciation, I'm going to let you select your three favorite hymns."
"Okay," the gay man replied, "I'll take him, him and him!"

A man walks into a bar, he has a wad of cash to spend.
He buys so much booze that the bartender couldn't under a good conscience serve him anymore.
Angry, the man grabs him and whispers something to his ear.
The Bartender, suddenly scared decides to serve him all the beer in the bar on the house.
A man next to him asks "What the fuck did you say to him?"
Which the drunk guy said "I told him if he didn't give me another beer I would show gay photos of him around the bar."
The man next to him said "Wow, I didn't know he was gay."
So the drunk said "Neither did I but I got my beer didn't I?"

Bunny and the Bear
A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived.
The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone.
The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. "I wish...that all the other bears in this forest were female."
The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet.
The bear thought that strange but continued. "I wish...that all the other bears in this country to be female!"
The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle.
He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it.
The bear looked at the bunny and said, "You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!"
Then he asked for his last wish. "I wish...that all the other bears in this world to be female!"
The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, "I wish this bear was gay."

New Rooster
One day, a new rooster arrived at a henhouse, eager to take on his new duties, especially the job of servicing the hens. He sees that there is already another rooster there, a rather old-looking one. The young rooster approaches the old rooster and says "Hey there, old-timer, I'm here to take over. Are you ready to fight to the death for the title of Master of the Henhouse?"

The old rooster says "Hold on there, young fellow! I'm a lover, not a fighter. I just want to go into retirement. You're the boss: go do what you want with the hens, I won't give you any trouble."

The young rooster was a bit disappointed because he'd been keen to have a good fight but decided this was acceptable and set to work servicing the hens, frequently and enthusiastically. The old rooster stayed completely out of his way so the young rooster ignored him.

A week or so after the young rooster's arrival, the old rooster approached him politely. "Hey there, sonny, I've been getting some flak from the hens for giving up so easily. We need to do something to settle this for once and for all."

The young rooster says "Fine by me. Do you want to start our fight to the death now?"

"Oh no! Nothing like that! Somebody could get hurt. No, I was thinking about a race. Let's say 10 laps around the henhouse with the winner being the undisputed Master of the Henhouse?"

The fit young rooster figured he could mop the floor with the old rooster so he agreed to the contest. They had one of the hens say "One, Two, Three, Go!" and the race began.

The young rooster had been VERY busy servicing hens and it had taken more out of him than he'd realized and the old rooster had been in training during this time so the old rooster got off to an early start. However, the young rooster's superior body soon began making a difference. By the end of the fourth lap, the young rooster had almost caught up to the old rooster.

Suddenly, a shot rang out and the young rooster lay splattered all over the ground.

Turning to his wife with his still-smoking shotgun in his hand, the farmer snarled "Damn it, Emmy, that's the last rooster I buy from Ferguson! That's the fourth one this year and this one's queer too!"

Three Couples
A straight couple, a lesbian couple, and a gay couple are all killed in a car crash. They arrive at the gates of Heaven, and St Peter is there. He says to the straight man,

"You were so greedy for flowers. You loved them so much, you even married a woman called Rose. I'm sorry, but I can't let you through."

He then turned to one of the lesbians.

"You were so greedy for weed. You loved it so much, you even married a woman called Mary Jane. I'm sorry, but I can't let you through."

One of the gay guys quickly said to the other "let's go, Dick"

Bartender
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me a double shot of whiskey."
The guy takes his drink, slams it down, and says "Give me another"
The bartender says "What's the matter guy?"
The guy says "I just found out my youngest son is gay"
Two days later the guy is back and the bar and orders a double, slams it do an and asks for another.
The bartender asks again, "What's the matter now?"
The guy says "I just found out my oldest son is gay"
Two days later the guy is back, this time he asks for the bottle.
The bartender asks, "Jesus, doesn't anyone in your family like pussy?"
He exclaims, "YEAH....MY WIFE!"

Prostate Exam
A gay guy goes to doctor.
During prostate exam he says "Hey doc your ring is kinda hurtin me, can you take it off?"
and the Doctor says "I'm sorry, that's not my ring that's my watch"