Falling down into the dirt,
Gasping as wounds sear with hurt.
Stagg'ring to the rocky cliff,
Body growing very stiff.

Tumb'ling down towards certain death,
Life leaving in a soft breath.
Slamming down into the stones,
Impact shatt'ring fragile bones.

Life fading from spark'ling eyes,
From broken body spirit flies.
Still form washed into the sea,
Rest now for eternity.

I've been told that this one is intense and well-detailed.

But anyway, what do you people think of my stuff?

Libra Dyne

January 6th, 2006, 04:07 PM

I like the first one, it is of an obsession the imagery is very good also. But I think that the obsession may not be of a peron, it could but your wording is full f mystery and shade. It is very enticing 9.8/10 (Idont give 10/10) perfect poems arent real but that was awesome.

KageSora

January 6th, 2006, 04:26 PM

I like the first one, it is of an obsession the imagery is very good also. But I think that the obsession may not be of a peron, it could but your wording is full f mystery and shade. It is very enticing 9.8/10 (Idont give 10/10) perfect poems arent real but that was awesome.

Hmmm... Initially, I don't think that I wrote it for a person. Thanks for the response, though!