It`s Kids Who Lose If Ex Is Kept Away

May 21, 1992|By Abigail Van Buren.

Dear Abby: I must comment on the letter from ``Jane`s Mother,`` who resented the presence of Jane`s father at their daughter`s college graduation because he had contributed nothing to Jane`s financial or emotional support since their divorce.

Abby, I am divorced, supporting two children and working two jobs because my ex has too many obligations to pay child support. He is in court-ordered treatment for alcoholism.

Every time my ex shows up at a ballgame or school function, or comes over to spend a little time with our children, my friends and family ask me why I allow it because he doesn`t deserve it.

Of course he doesn`t deserve it - but that`s not the point. Our children deserve to know that they have a father (however imperfect) who loves them as much as he is capable of loving.

Recently my children spent an afternoon with their father after several months of only telephone contact. That night, when I tucked my son in, he couldn`t stop grinning.

I asked, ``Are you happy you got to see your dad today?`` He giggled and replied, ``Yes!``

Abby, my ex didn`t deserve that day. But my children did.

Andy`s Mom in Indiana

Dear Mother: Your children are lucky to have you for their mom, and your ex is lucky that his children are so well cared for.

Don`t write your ex-husband off. Your children are obviously young; let`s hope their father will stick with the treatment for his alcoholism.

Dear Abby: I am a 17-year-old girl who is sexually active with this 18-year-old guy who goes to my school. We don`t have a real relationship where he claims me and I claim him because he wants to keep down the talk at school, so we have to keep our rendezvous confidential.

Abby, do you think he has feelings for me like he says, or do you think he is just using me?

Needs Advice

Dear Needs: I think he`s using you. I know it won`t be easy to stop having sex after you have gone all the way, but if you really want to do yourself a favor, give this guy no more than a goodnight kiss. And if that doesn`t satisfy him, kiss him goodbye.

Dear Abby: Please tell your readers that Catholics can get divorced. What they cannot do is marry during the lifetime of a former spouse - unless their marriage is annulled or they get some kind of special dispensation.

My aunt, formerly in a very destructive marriage, was advised by her priest to get a legal divorce because it would be advantageous for financial reasons. She was forbidden, however, to marry again until the death of her first husband.

This is in no way a complaint against the church laws, simply an attempt to remind you that the church never insists that anyone stay trapped in a rotten marriage. It looks as if ``Miserable in Moline`` ought to get legally free of that irresponsible idiot who is not only unfaithful, but is spending family money where it shouldn`t be spent.