Note to angry vegans: I do not begrudge you your tofu. Also, why are you still hanging around? Haven’t you learned your lesson? My readers, they are not kind to the tofu, and I don’t stand in the way of the hate train.

I also wanted something quick, because I need to go to bed early tonight so I can get up as the ass crack of dawn tomorrow morning. And vegetarian + quick and easy can only add up to one thing: beans. Or, in this case, black eyed peas in the form of Indian skillet beans.

This was a double win, because both Brian and I had been craving Indian food last night, but the only Indian joint we could find on delivery.com was called something like “Horn OK Happy Indian” and the chicken tikka masala was $13 a serving, which is highway robbery for takeout Indian. Indian food should not cost more than $6.95, and should come in buffet form. Unlimited samosas for everyone!

I started sauteeing some onion, garlic and ginger while I got the spices together; a blend of cayenne, cinnamon, cardamom, coriander and cumin. I also drained a can of black eyed peas and rinsed off the nasty can juice.

The spices and peas went into the skillet along with some tamarind concentrate and water.

Tamarind concentrate is some dark and viscous goo that clings obstinately to whatever utensil/countertop/human skin it touches. It’s like the devil’s semen. But damn it if as soon as the tamarind hit the heat, the smell emanating from the pan immediately began to read as Indian and my mouth immediately began to water.

I added a tomato just-plucked from my garden and, when the beans and tomato had simmered for a few minutes, some baby spinach.

Speaking of my garden, which is apropos of nothing here, I am currently experiencing Critical Chile Mass. Habanero, cayenne, jalapeno and something questionable called an “inferno.” I would appreciate your leaving me any good recipes that will use up a shit ton of chiles. Brian would prefer something pickled. Hup to.

While the spinach finished wilting down, I threw together a quick raita – yogurt, cucumber, mint and a little cumin.

Real yogurt that, at one point, came from a cow. Not a soybean. Just specifying.

I heaped the peas and spinach into my bowl, added a dollop of raita and sat down to the best Indian food a $0.79 can of black eyed peas can buy. This is my kind of vegetarian. It was hearty, satisfying and well-spiced. The raita was a welcome foil to the cayenne’s kick.

Admittedly, this is kind of a cheap shot for a Smackdown, because I could have very easily made something very similar without a recipe. So, you know, discount me if you will; I can take it.

As far as the pickled chiles thing, might I suggest Food in Jars’ recipe for pickled peppers? If you’re not hopping on the canning-is-the-new-yoga trend, you could always just cover the peppers in brine and leave them in the fridge. But if you don’t have a lot of fridge space, and you can sacrifice an extra 30 minutes, this would probably be perfect.

I had pepper overload two years ago. I took them and strung them on cotton thread with a sewing needle and hung them in my cellar stairwell. They dried perfectly and when making soups (all the time with the abundance of tomatoes this year!)I toss one in the mix. You can probably hang them anywhere that’s not too damp. I didn’t take any special care with them, and it worked.

Yep. Who needs tofu when you can have yummy pulses?
Also, I’m right there with you about those angry vegans. They really get on my nerves. I don’t have a problem with their life choices but as soon as they are criticising mine, I do.

Harissa! It’s a hot pepper condiment from North Africa. It lasts forever in the fridge, and you can adjust the hotness by how much of the innards you leave in.

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Once upon a time, I wrote this food blog. It was a pretty great blog, if I do say so myself. I don't write it any more, but all the recipes and hijinx remain available for your cooking and reading pleasure.