You could try taking your mate's (Mr Jones) bike in for a service, but book it in under your name (Mr Smith), then get Mr Jones to arrange for somebody else to collect his bike without them knowing about Mr Smith's existance, or the shop staff knowing about Mr Jones' existance.Guaranteed to cause needless confusion.

Spend £130 on road shoes and pedals for spinning (pedals for new bike when it arrives) then bring in cheap BSO to be assembled when your husband can't (£40 PDI) then wonder why mechanic (my good self) is slightly exasperated as he tries to explain why the cheapest Trek hybrid in the shop would have been a better bet for £5 (yes, £5) more than you've paid for BSO for your 3 day ride to Paris.
Honestly, the chainring spider on that bike was a stamped out piece of steel I could flex with my hand and I toed the brake pads in by bending the calliper as there was no adjustment on the pad. £280 she paid, (plus £40 PDI) Criminal rip off. A £325 Trek 7.0fx would wipe the floor with it.

Go into bike shop, take up all the salespersons time by asking inane questions, squeeze the brakes and bounce the suspension of every bike on the shop floor then after an hour announce that "you'll think about it" and leave.

Ah yes, the 'qualified mechanic' in my LBS managed to tear the stans tubless tape on my wheels when taking the tyres off to true the wheels, then also put both tyres on backwards. Good job he'd been on a special mavic wheel building course or the tyres would have probably been fitted inside out!

Last week I was in a bike shop when I bent down to tie my shoes and caught a pleasant leathery whiff of something. After a few more sniffs I realised it was the saddle of the bike next to me. I then realised I was crouching in the corner of a bike shop sniffing a saddle whilst being eyeballed by one of the staff. I left pretty sharpish. I've got a bike on order there for my girlfriend, I'm not sure I have the chutzpah to go and collect it.

Last week I was in a bike shop when I bent down to tie my shoes and caught a pleasant leathery whiff of something. After a few more sniffs I realised it was the saddle of the bike next to me. I then realised I was crouching in the corner of a bike shop sniffing a saddle whilst being eyeballed by one of the staff