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Shock

It’s still difficult to write the words, even though it’s more than a week ago, and we know by now that he is going to be ok. It was only a grade 2 stroke, and he’ll be just fine.

But I’ve been so scared.

If I had lost him, life would have lost all luster. Oh my god.

They called me, and told me he was rushed to hospital. I was with Mark and he took me to hospital and I was so glad that he was there. We did this together, got through this together. Two nights ago I came into Graham’s room with three cups of coffee, just in time to hear Mark tell Graham that he had never realized before how important Graham is to him. That he is so happy to have him in his life.

55 thoughts on “Shock”

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OMG Saad!!!! The news that your family member committed suicide just jarred me to the core. I was not expecting that as the outcome, but I guess I should have. Remember, I lived over there and I know how deeply entrenched that notion of “honor” is. How tragic, needless, and sad.

Here in the west, there is a certain subculture that thinks much the same way. Specifically, in the southern conservative Christian mindset. There, a raped woman is also “dishonored”. Same with the FLDS church out west…which, btw, is crumbling as we speak….a lot of federal indictments have been handed down and the upper leadership has been arrested. Not for polygyny, not for abuse, not for underage and plural marriages, but for fraud. But it’s a start.

Anyway, I’m humbled that you feel we made you see things differently, Saad, but I think the real credit is with you yourself. We here can talk/type until our fingers fall off, but one has to be receptive to absorbing what is said in order to gain enlightenment. You were. You possess an intelligent open mind and, most important, you have empathy. Many do not, as we’ve seen here on this blog since it’s inception, and prior to that, at 411, and around us in the real world, a whole lot of minds soaking in dogma are still stubbornly closed. Out of fear, I guess. People don’t like to be awakened. It’s a painful process that calls into question everything they’ve believed in, everything that they were taught life is about. So they stubbornly cling to their beliefs as a safety net and ignore everything else. I’ve always known you were more than that Saad 🙂 ❤ Peace to you brother and please accept my condolences for the loss of that poor girl. (((HUGS)))

Fiona, it's not unusual for a stroke victim to fall into such a state. Be patient and supportive with Graham, which I'm sure you are already. May he fully recover very soon!!!

Kim, spot on post of your’s. That’s exactly what I have faced with my current housemates (four of them) in my house. They have listened to me speak for countless hours regarding life, freedom, religion, Islam, patriarchy, etc. They are conservative Pakistanis themselves. They used to listen to me and agree with a number of points as well. I considered them as my very close friends here with whom I share almost everything.

Recently I have come to know though, from a mutual friend, that they had been hiding certain big secrets from me. That includes their cultural ideas of cousin marriage and women rights (they come from Pakistan), which they were abiding by despite knowing the harm of them, and the layers of masks they have to wear to keep accepting these ideas and practices in their lives, and were making lifelong plans based on them. For me I was deeply hurt because they had been telling me a steady stream of lies regarding their ability to make free choices when it comes to marriage, and regarding freedom of rights of women of their culture. I know the appearance they show to other people is more of masks regarding their true needs and desires of what they want in their lives. Particularly I was shocked that out of them three sisters, two of them had accepted such notions and practices (despite me speaking for hours regarding them) and were forcing them on their older sister, who was getting depressed about them with time, such as currently being forced to be engaged to someone in a way she didn’t like.

I spoke the mutual friend about this, and why would they hide such secrets about themselves from a close friend as authentic, understanding and real towards them as me. Well its true I do get impulsive sometimes and speak my mind from that position. That friend said they are most likely scared of my opinions regarding their lifestyles choices, and how a few words from me could bust their bubble of comfort and illusionary fulfillment of their needs. Well that makes sense, since I did this last time long before when the older sister was forcefully engaged to someone she truly didnt like, and it contributed to her breaking that earlier engagement, much to her sisters not being happy with her about it. And I got scolding for interfering in their “family business”.

Anyway, I was just disappointed because I realized I didnt quite know them despite years of being friends with them (they were too good at covering up who they really are inside), one reason is them being embarassed that many of their lifestyle choices aren’t really choices for them, because of their culture and religion, Also as Kim said:

“We here can talk/type until our fingers fall off, but one has to be receptive to absorbing what is said in order to gain enlightenment. You were. You possess an intelligent open mind and, most important, you have empathy. Many do not, as we’ve seen here on this blog since it’s inception, and prior to that, at 411, and around us in the real world, a whole lot of minds soaking in dogma are still stubbornly closed. Out of fear, I guess. People don’t like to be awakened. It’s a painful process that calls into question everything they’ve believed in, everything that they were taught life is about. So they stubbornly cling to their beliefs as a safety net and ignore everything else.”

I’m very sorry Saad. Sorry and angry. You must feel quite tormented at times. I’ve been wrestling for a while with my thoughts about humanity. I’ve always believed we are all born with an innate sense of right and wrong. Where even when our minds tricked us into thinking something abhorrent was ok, our bodies had a physical way of telling us otherwise, that tingling, sickish feeling, the nagging doubt etc. I thought upbringing and culture had maybe overidden that in some people, suppressed it to allow them to be cruel. Now I’m not so sure. I’m not sure at all that people are born with empathy, conscience. But it’s nice to have you around here again Saad.

Hello Saad,
I hope you are still reading. Thank you for checking back in with us.You have been one of the major contributors to this blog. I was thinking about you just about 2 weeks ago, and wondering how you are. Blogs are a difficult format for communicating about concepts like God and religion, and it is very easy to create more heat than light.

Something I don’t understand about the cultural context around that violence you described back home, and the sad end. Why do people think the woman lost her honor? It is the man who lost his honor by his behavior. Furthermore, his conscience is also destroyed, because he doesn’t know he lost his honor. With her death, his soul may also be destroyed. He could possibly recover morally from his sin, but not without conscience, which he abdicated already personally, and it has been removed from him culturally by the imposition of freedom from responsibility on him.

I hope you still have a Facebook page, this is how we can stay in touch with you if you don’t post occasionally!