Friday, May 13, 2005

A BOOK REVIEW FOR A BOOK I WILL MOST LIKELY NEVER READ, 2: presenting YANNI IN WORDS

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Yes, this book was actually written. For 318 pages, we are privelaged to read (from the blurb) "this moving and poignant autobiography, Yanni shares with his readers the story of his immense success, but also of the failures along the way. He tells the story of staging three career-defining concerts at The Acropolis in Athens, and the toll it took on him; his relationship with his father; his intense nine-year love affair with Linda Evans, and the exhaustion and depression that made him leave Linda and quit music altogether-before his eventual renewal and return. Yanni, In Words is more than just an autobiography. Woven through this text is a variety of lessons he's learned, including working through pain, keeping an open mind, and his discoveries about the creative process-and how anyone can access it. Yanni, In Words is the story no one knows and millions have been waiting for."

According to one review of this book, Yanni was once in a "rock" band where he allegedly did large amounts of crack cocaine. This is a mental visual that boggles the mind and defies my very concept of the world I inhabit. In fact, it even inspires me to invent a time machine so I would be able to see the long-haired dark angel of dentist music doing lines of blow off a pocket mirror. What I would give to watch him dust off the residue coke from his signature moustache. "Uhhh, that's flour," he would say. "I was just cooking. Now let me play you my latest opus inspired by the Greek God, Zeus!"

It is my birthday in two weeks. I know for one that the Yanni memoir would be the present that never stops giving. Unbeknowest to me, I am one of the millions that has been waiting for Yanni's story especially when it gives me the torrid details of his love affair with Linda Evans. I mean, lucky guy! What a score! Did you know Yanni was a champion swimmer in high school? Way to go, guy! Not only did you dominate the musical equivalent of impotence but you swam like a total tadpole! But wait...check this: "When I left we had some beers and celebrated the loss of my virginity and having beaten my brother at something important...Now that I was a man, there was only one problem. I like sex. A lot. But I didn't have enough money to keep going back..A brothel was my only option and I couldn't afford it."YAN! T.M.I.! Yikes. Like, c'mon, bro. Don't even go there.

Another section of the book adresses the critical disdain. It turns out that Yanni is aware of music critics hating his music. Poor thing. With a mullet and a back catalogue of soft core soundtracks...how does he get up in the morning?"Sometimes I'd like to say to a reviewer, "If you think my music is boring, great. Now let's go to your house and you play the music that you think is not boring." And maybe when he does that I'll go, "You listen to this?" I'm certain we'd both have a good laugh--and connect as human beings."I'm pretty sure when Yanni says "connect as human beings" he means "doing a lot of crack cocaine." If that is indeed true, then I know many music critics who would love to "connect with Yanni."

Bonus Trivia Question: Does Yanni have a last name?Answer: No. He does not. Yanni is simply Yanni.

Bonus Trivia Question Two: How many copies of "Yanni Live At the Acropolis" are on sale at Amazon.com?Answer: 219.