8 Parenting Obligations to Ditch Guilt-Free

Skipping family dinner and talking about money in front of your kids are nothing to feel guilty about, says Bruce Feiler, author of The Secrets of Happy Families. Let's move on from these supposed mommy-musts.

Parents should devise punishments

Parents should devise punishments

You're the adult, and you're in-charge, but that doesn't mean that families should be dictatorships. "There's abundant research that shows nothing is run top-down anymore — not companies, not sport teams, nothing," says Feiler. When children pick their own rewards and punishments, they learn to take ownership over their actions, which is ultimately what you, the parent, want. Feiler's family holds a weekly meeting at which they vote on a few things to work on during the week ahead. Recently, they decided that everyone should get a reward for not yelling — more minutes of iPad time — and a punishment for not listening — less iPad time. "Our kids are actually stricter than we are, and that's a common thing," he says. "We're dialing them back because they're so happy to be the disciplinarians."

To teach a lesson, take something away

To teach a lesson, take something away

When your son doesn't come home in time for dinner, or your daughter refuses to clean up her toys, you may be inclined to withhold dessert or confiscate those playthings. But, you'll likely have better luck assuming the kids will do the right thing. "People hate loss more than they desire gain," says Feiler. Hand over $10 for your son to spend at the movies, but tell him that if he doesn't make curfew, he must return the money. It sends a message of trust, and makes kids want to be responsible.