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Monday, September 15, 2008

The other day, I mentioned to my dad that I'd like to take a photography class. My dad used to be Mr. Photo-Guy. I mean, wherever we went (especially on vacations), there he was with the camera and the 80,000 lenses and filters. "Just stand over there. OK, now climb up in that tree. Just one more picture. OK, now let me change the lens. OK, stand over there. Look that way. OK, now look at your sister. Get back up in the tree....." Meanwhile, 4 days of vacation have passed by and we have yet to leave the hotel grounds. On the bright side, he has 4000 pictures of my sister and me in a tree.

Anyway, my dad gave me a couple of his old photography books to borrow: The 9th Here's How book by Kodak, published in 1974 and Adventures in Color-Slide Photography by Kodak, published in 1976. There are probably some good helpful hints in them, but the little kid in me couldn't stop giggling at the pictures long enough to read anything.

Name 3 things wrong with this picture. The grown man playing with the kitty? The gorgeous blanket? The guy's plaid pants? The overall orange color that burns your retinas?

"I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I didn't steal the bone."

"Oh you have GOT to be kidding me. I'm not even English!"

"Look Dad! Look! Fido can fly! All you have to do is poke him in the butt with this stick!"

"I know you're busy riding your chicken and all, but I just wanted to come over here and tell you that I love your hat! It's almost as sexy as my pants."

"OW! The pain! I think I broke my hip!"

"Darn kids making us lie on the ground. Just smile, honey and let's get this over with. Then we'll rewrite our will."

Ahhh remember the days of playgrounds with metal equipment? With 50 foot slides o' death and those things that spun around like a centrifuge until kids went flying off and/or puked? Ahhh good times, good times.

Yes, the family portrait. A little stiff; a little formal. I think this family can do better, don't you?

"Now you sit over there, Bobby. No, there. Move over 2 more inches. Yes, right there! Now Sally, look at the camera. Ok, Timmy, you hold this wreath and pretend to hang it up. Martha, tilt your head a little. There we go. Now everyone, we don't want to have a stuffy, posed picture like last Christmas, so look natural!"

There are no words. Oh wait, maybe this is a photography lesson on turning the camera around on the peeping Tom outside your window. The naked, peeping Tom. Hmmm, actually scratch that. There are no words.

"And here's a picture of Mother and me at home on Scrabble night."

"The most important lesson in taking good pictures is to always have your lucky pet armadillo on your camera. It distracts people from the comb-over area of slightly thinning hair."

"OK, I'll distract and confuse the bear with my pants; you take the picture."

Is the groom wearing make-up? Do the best man's glasses weigh 4 1/2 pounds? What color was the bowl the groom used to cut his hair? And most disturbingly, why is the best man looking longingly at the groom??? Ohhh, that's not the best man? That's the father of the bride, you say? Oh well, then everything makes perfect sense now.

I have more of these pictures, but I don't want to scare you too much in one night. The rest will have to wait.

Oooo, go over to my review blog and check out the diaper bag, fully loaded with Johnson's products.

OMG that was hilarious! I haven't laughed that hard since I looked at DH's childhood pictures from the 70's (I was fortunate enough to be born with only 2 weeks left in the decade). That last one, the wedding photo, was a riot! I didn't even see the bride at first. I thought the 2nd guy was wearing the veil.

We'll definitely be eating at Chili's. We plan to go there this weekend while we're camping out in the new house with nothing but camping chairs, bean bags, and air mattresses for furniture. DH stops and gets chips and salsa every Friday. It's one of our favorite restaurants, and I'm glad to know they give back as well.

*Laughing myself to tears*Thank you, Dawn. I was worried about my "Post Tramatic Syndrome" here in the Gulf Coast, Texas. Just barely made it through Ike and I have been hanging my head trying to get back into the swing of things here. I clicked on your blog to try and shake the fuzz outta my brain. Thank you. Thank you so much for the picture of the girl riding the rooster!!! I have not laughed so hard in months!! Just go back and look at it... the placement of the roosters head.... CLASSIC!!!Thank you, again, my friend!!!:0) Trevor

First off the photos are WAY too funny but the captions are even FUNNIER!!! Glad you survived your day with the kids flooded in.

Secondly, I thought you'd want to know that I'm running in a 1/2 marathon in Memphis for St. Jude's. I've never run 13 miles before but I've got about 10 weeks to train. The farthest I've run is 6 miles so it's going to take some training but it's for a GREAT cause. = )

Dawn, I am a photographer from Oxford, AL. Honestly, continue with what you're doing, "learning by doing". You photographs really are fine. A lot of times trial and error is better than the "by the book" instruction. Come to think of it....life's a lot like that also!! I love your blog, and can't wait for your book to hit the shelves. Happy "shooting". Gaye Phillips

Yah! Chili's!!!!!! Always have loved them. We will absolutely eat there this month....with pleasure. The picture captions are priceless. Poor girl....I'd cry too if I was having to marry that. What a hoot! Keep them coming. The world needs a bunch of laughter right now.

I really miss the death-wish playground equipment. Sigh. I remember flying about 8 feet through the air as the "merry"-go-round spun too fast and I lost my grip. Breath knocked out of me and dirt ground into my clothes. Good times, good times.

LOL! Those pictures were awesome! :D The picture of the couple getting married was a little disturbing though.. the groom looked a little too much like Jaws, the guy from the James Bond movies? I mean, no wonder the bride is crying.. ;)

My DH and I cried and choked with laughter. MY fave was the "... and this is me and Mom at home on Scrabble night." Only, then I laughed until I couldn't breathe at the armadillo one... and it just kept coming!

I used to work at Chili's and one of the years I worked there, we raised somewhere around $2 million for St. Jude's. I don't know how much of a dent that makes in operating costs for the hospital, but I thought that was pretty impressive. If only we could get more restaurants to do this same thing! And definitely have your kids color a pepper. It's cute to see all the artwork hung in the restaurant. I believe it's one dollar for a pepper, but you can donate more if you want.

Wow! Love the bride's veil! I wish I had thought of wearing a lampshade under MY veil!! Thanks for the laughs! As many of your other readers seem to be, we've been rather bogged down with hurricane woes, so a good laugh is always appreciated! BTW, is all that rain y'all are getting remnant of Gustav?! I was way too happy to see him gone to track where he went after he left us.

I thought naked guy looked like Adam too (remember those Bible story books in the waiting room at the doctor when we were kids; that guy could have been the model for Adam). Closer scrutiny (which wasn't easy because everything within is screaming "look away! Look away!") it appears that there are skis in the photo. That must have been an ad for the "Co-ed naked skiing" shirt!

OK, sorry this is kind of unrelated to your post today, but I wondered if you ever posted a review for that sunless tanner you got from some conference you went on a while ago. I seem to remember you said you don't like the smell of these kinds of tanners, and I wondered if this was was better? I tried to find if you did post a review, but I couldn't find it. Thanks!

Great Pictures. Those of us who were born in the 70's all have our own version of each of them, I'm sure.

And Rick, yet another great reference to the early 70's: "Stay on Target" is from Star Wars: A New Hope (Episode IV, the first one they made). When the rebels are trying to get the laser bullets to go into the impossibly small spot to blow up the Death Star, as Tie Fighters are coming in from all sides, they must continue with the mission and not back down! ...uh, yeah. I have boys. Nuff said.

hahaha! i keep having to go back and look again and cringe and look. and your comments, so very funny! they make it so much more educational than whatever that book says! your dad and vacation pictures makes me laugh. he sounds like my mother-in-law. she once made us late to an appointment to have my kids pictures made becuase she was taking their picture!btw- you take wonderful pictures!

Dawn, I have to tell you that you should have a disclaimer on your website that reads, "Warning! If you have just had your gallbladder taken out, do not read. Laughing is painful right after that particular surgery and there is nothing but laughter here!

I had my gall bladder takes out 3 weeks ago. I came home and had to be down (Thank Heaven for my laptop and my new Stephanie Meyer book!) I went to visit your website like I do almost everyday and I started to laugh and OWIE!! So I had to take a break until I got my thumbs up from the doctor to laugh again. I feel as though I have been dieting. You know so now I am looking at everything that makes me laugh. Come to think of it, if I did visit your site since then, I don't remember it! You know those narcotics are pretty strong.

Anyways, I wanted to comment on the bride. If I was marrying that guy, I would cry too.

I loved the outfit that the girl was wearing on the playground. It reminded me of my kindergarten picture. I am wearing a lovely mustard colored turtleneck and a brown/orange/Aquamarine knitted vest with brown and orange pom poms on the sides. (Luckily the pictures spares you from the pom poms. I never understood why my mom went to all that trouble of ringlets and then left the bangs flat as a pancake. I changed my picture to give you a glimpse of 20 years ago me in kindergarten and now my son in kindergarten. His name is Jaxon. From what I read of your Jackson, he is very much like mine.

Thanks for the Laughter!

P.S. I am no style snob. There is rarely a summer that goes by that I run to the grocery store with my five kids and one of them is wearing aswimsuit with snowboots for shoes. At somepoint you just have to say whatever.

Is it ok for me to steal your info about Chili's? I would like to add it to my blog for the few readers I have. A beautiful little boy in my son's kindergarten class was daignosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma this week. We are all so scared for him and doing everything we can for his family. I followed Julian but it isn't the same as seeing someone you know and love suffering through this. Suddenly it seems more real. Maybe your readers can add Bayler to their prayers too. Thanks. Missy

dig your blog! we're headed for brady bunch-ville ... 2 of each for now. we attachment parent and homeschool and i'm hoping there's comedy gold in those things for my own fledgling blog. can't wait to read more ... you have so many great tips!

Well as you have more kids than you can count on one hand without dropping the camera from the other one, I assume you take a lot of photos of kids.

The biggest mistake most adults make is to take photos of children while standing up...

For the best pictures of children: camera lens should be at shoulder level or lower of the person you're taking the photo of... When I take photos of children I'm either lying down on the floor or sitting down.

Dearest Dawn, I have refrained from commenting Ever until now, because I know you are so insanely busy and I felt guilty taking any more from your day, but I just had to say, that of all the blogs, movies etc. that people claim made them LOL or tears or whatever, yours is the ONLY one that does that for me. I jump in place, fall on the floor, struggle to read through tear-filled eyes - no exaggeration. In all the crazy things and people that life brings that feel like they try to crush you sometimes, I want to thank you for making me remember belly laughing, and that I can still do it as an adult! A little happy place in the insanity of sinful humanity. (I'm a Christian too!!)