May 2008

Best Government Ever

When I try to imagine an ideal government, it looks a lot like the government of Taiwan. First, they’re democratic. That’s a good start. But the best part is that they have Jerry Springer-like fights in parliament on a regular basis. In today’s news, yet another brawl broke out in the Taiwanese parliament. This time it was over a budget bill.

Apparently this sort of thing happens all the time in Taiwan. A legislator objects to a parliamentary procedure and the next thing you know, the Minister of Shellfish is bitch-slapping him. A moment later, the air is filled with shoes, lunchboxes, and microphones. Can you imagine CSPAN’s ratings if we followed that model in America? I don’t think you’d be able to pry yourself away from the TV long enough to take a dump. You’d just sit there all day long with an adult diaper waiting for someone to sucker punch Teddy Kennedy.

Pause to consider how much you would pay to see Nancy Pelosi kick Dick Cheney in the nuts on national television. I’ll bet it’s a big number. Imagine that after she delivers the kick, Trent Lott flings a wing tipped shoe at the back of her head and knocks her off the dais. Now how much would you pay? Personally, I’m in triple digits already and the imaginary brawl has barely started. Can it get any better?

Yes, it can. Imagine that voters start preferring candidates who have kung fu skills. It makes sense, because if you are from Rhode Island, for example, you don’t want to watch your tiny congressman get his ass kicked over a highway bill. So you’d vote for a candidate who can take a punch and still hand out some pain.

Now imagine it’s the State of the Union Address and everyone but the secretary of dryer lint is in attendance. All hell breaks loose. There’s punching and kicking and kung fu levitating. Tell me you wouldn’t be interested in politics then.

I think we’d all agree that democracy is a better form of government than a dictatorship. But democracy plus punching is the best government of all.

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Don't we already have plenty of that sort of mental fisticuffs in the US government, for you?

Honestly, I would rather see a resurgance of court jesters. And not just on tv (or on the comics page and internet), but actually posted in all three branches of the governmental tree. Officially sposored creative satire and humorous mocking of insane policies might do everyone some good. Though, these days, the guy in the oval office probably takes care of this job himself.

I seem to recall reading about some fisticuffs (and people getting whacked with canes) in our own government's history. Are we a better nation now that we've put ourselves "above" that sort of thing? I'm not so sure.

I would pay more if Nancy P kicks Dubya while asking " where the hell is that Penicostle hiding" Followed by Al Gore yelling 'you cant run but not hide.. mission accomplished my ass"... I would pay more than I would for any playboy subscription.. for sure... CSpan - would, I bet start making money - courtsey Google Ads..

I wonder though, if it would require Google to Change its Algorithms, to include 'commonly ignored propositions in the search" ...

"In November 2003, Filipović ran as a non-party candidate on the Social Democratic Party list in parliamentary elections and attained a seat in the Croatian Parliament. He focused on questions regarding the funding of the police force. He has since announced that when his term ends in November, he will return to the Croatian Anti-Terrorist Squad"

We currently don't have cable, but I'd sign up in a heartbeat to see a cage match on the congress floor. But even better was Jerry's idea to let us (the taxpayers) in on the action. That, I would gladly pay for.

I disagree. Democracy is good only if the citizens are intelligent enough to make good political choices. In the Philippines we have democracy and all the people ever elect are clowns, celebrities, basketball players and (pretty soon) a professional boxer. (WITH NO POLITICAL EXPERIENCES or other qualifications at all)

It is easy to make fun of Taiwan's legislature, but the glimpse that you get from the foreign media sadly fails to convey the complexity of politics here in Taiwan, and sadly does not enable foreigners to grasp what's going on.

Essentially, the pro-China parties in the legislature want to overturn Taiwan's Central Election Commission (CEC), which has managed to make Taiwan's elections some of the fairest in the world, much better run than those in Taiwan. Because they have a slim majority, the pro-democracy side is frequently forced to resort to outre tactics to prevent the passage of profoundly anti-democracy legislation. The brawling will continue -- but against the long history of political violence here, which saw the deaths of tens of thousands, a few brawls in the legislature are nothing.

Of course, this is not very surprising. When it comes to Taiwan the world media has simply fallen down on the job. In some cases it has been captured by the Dark Side -- the BBC is profoundly pro-China on the Taiwan issue, for example -- in others it simply thoughtlessly regurgitates Beijing's viewpoints as if they were facts, or incorporates Beijing's talking points into its own discourse as if they were serious analysis rather than political propaganda. Frequently foreign publications turn to their Beijing correspondents for Taiwan reporting, which is rather like getting your Inside the Beltway reporting from correspondents based in Melbourne. As I noted in a letter a couple of months back when AP had a Hong Kong-based reporter write on our Vice President's bid for the DPP Presidential nomination...

"The "scum of the nation" story is an excellent example of how this works. Instead of selecting one of the numerous other possible angles on Lu -- Lu the politician, Lu the feminist, Lu the activist, Lu the Taiwanese -- AP chose to lead with what Bejing said. This constant and reflexive use of verbiage from Beijing to frame Taiwan continues throughout the article. Elsewhere in the article the writer, a Hong Kong Chinese, refers to "Beijing's sacred view" of its claim to Taiwan. Once again, we get Beijing's take on things. Once again, Beijing frames Taiwan. Why not Taiwan's "sacred view" of its own independence and Democracy?"

Yes, it sucks that Taiwan legislators brawl. But the alternatives to a few brawls in the legislature are a lot worse. Like, not living in a democracy, for example.

I had to pause a long time to consider whether a Democracy is better than a Dictatorship. In fact, I think a lot of Dictatorships are run on a premise of Democracy. I suppose being able to choose tyrant #1 or tyrant #2 is better than just getting stuck with any crappy ole tyrant. *shrug*