Nothing left...

All I want is out of here. Out of this house, out of this place, out and away from her and her vindictiveness and her spitefulness. But I'm trapped because I am and have nothing. I'm trapped because I have no job, I have no drive, I have no energy, and I have no lust for life. I sit in my room day in and day out barely leaving the bed. If they bothered to look beyond the fact that I don't have a job they'd see the depression eating me alive.

They don't bother to look, they just bother to scream and yell and talk trash behind my back. They don't bother to ask what's wrong, they just assume I'm lazy because I don't try to get a job. I am dying inside, I hate everything about me, about my existence. I live for Dylan and only for Dylan. I do not live for me because if I did I would have been gone a long time ago. The only tangible thread I have left is that little boy. The little boy who's going to be moving out at the end of this month. The little boy that when he walks out that door I will have no reason left. Maybe then I can walk away for good, but I still have that guilt of leaving him. Sadly he's one out of two people that I can't let go of. That I can't walk away from. I love him too much. I love him more than me.

I'm tired of being screamed at for nothing. I'm tired of being blamed for things that have nothing to do with me. I'm tired of being everyone's slave, doing their laundry, doing their cleaning, doing their dishes. I'm not a fuckin' door mat but they refuse to stop treating me life one.

She moved in and I hate her. The Ice Queen. The Bitch. The Ruiner of a happy home. It was happy here once, I was still a doormat but at least I was slightly happy. She moved in and this house is not a home. This house is a screaming match, this house is a bitch fight and it's because of her.

All I want is out. I want to cut, I want to pop pills. I just want OUT!!!:sad:

Ugh, jess...everything gets to me. Everything. I don't want to sound like a whingy bitch. I hate sounding like that. I want things the way they were when that bitch wasn't here. She's fucked so much up. :wallbash:

Jess
I just wanted to thank you again for your response. You know how i feel about me posting in main forums so people can actually respond, not that anyone aside from you did. I'm sorry you are going through things as well. I think it's time to do what I said earlier and try and walk away. I'll be around if you need to talk to me. Stay strong and stay you. YOu are a wonderful person :hug: