A pretty detailed account of my (porn) life

Today, while browsing r/NoFap, I came across a video called “Share Your Story” by a guy (supposedly) called Noah Church. Watching his other videos, he’s an articulate and charismatic ex-porn addict who is spreading the word about addiction and providing help to those still struggling with it (here’s probably his best video – a 20 minute entertaining speech about his journey).

In the comment of the video, he recommended r/NoFap and also the Your Brain Rebalanced forum, as great places to share your story, and actively encouraged doing so.

So, I headed over to Your Brain Rebalanced to see what’s what. There I found a very active community of people so I set to work writing my ‘introduction’. This turned out to be a ~3,000 word account of my life from a porn perspective, from school, to adulthood, to the admission of my addiction to both myself and my wife, through to the present day and my thoughts and current actions regarding recovery.

I may post it separately on this blog as a record, but for now, here’s a link:

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3 thoughts on “A pretty detailed account of my (porn) life”

Hey 🙂 I’m 17 and one of my friend’s boyfriend is a porn addict. I tried explaining him of the trouble he is getting himself into but he refuses to find “sense” in anything I say. He even tells me that there are other pleasures in life that I’m missing out on which is gross! I said I pity him and he said he doesn’t care. I really want to help him out! I’d be very nice of you if you told me some ways of convincing him and why porn is bad! ( I told him watching porn is encouraging objectification of women and that there are a lot of porn-stars who were forced into the business and how you indirectly support that but he pays no heed.)
All the best, you 🙂

Hi there. I’m not sure from your post if your friend admits he is an addict or if you suspect he is addicted. Either way, I would start by trying to first getting him to at least acknowledge that porn is addictive. Don’t make it about him, just explain to him that there are people out there who are genuinely addicted to porn just like alcohol and drugs, and that once they are addicted, some spend the rest of their lives battling the addiction, while losing partners, friends etc in the process. Once he accepts that truth, you can explain that this is why you are concerned with his porn use.

I wouldn’t dwell of the moral side of porn (objectification etc). It will not be important to him. If you tell someone about the conditions that battery chickens live in, it won’t stop them eating chicken burgers.

There’s no easy ‘next step’ in terms of what to say. Everyone’s addiction is different, but there are similarities. Usually porn addicts use porn to deal with pain. Either emotional, physical, mental etc. Sometimes they won’t even know it. But it is a way to escape from the hardships of the real world, albeit temporarily. The problem is, the escape isn’t real and it only makes things worse. Perhaps ask him, other than because he likes the look of naked people, *why* he looks at porn. Does he look at it when he’s angry or stressed? Does it make him feel better? What about afterwards, does he feel good about himself afterwards, if he asks himself honestly?

He needs to understand that whether he wants to admit it or not, he *is* putting his life in danger. In danger of not having fulfilling relationships, of having close friends, of having control over his life. This will probably be difficult for him to understand, but if you can start to make him appreciate what the risks are, and what the potential is for harm, and not in a way that is preachy, it may slowly start to open him up to the idea of doing things differently.

It is great that you are able to talk to him about this. As we get older, it gets harder and harder to talk about in society so he’s lucky, whether he knows it or not, to know someone like you. I wish I did! Don’t try and win this battle overnight. And also don’t offer any negativity that might encourage him to look at more porn. Show him that there is a better way.

I don’t know how helpful this has been. I’m more than happy to help more if you like, but I’m not a professional and everyone is different. Perhaps you could talk about your concern of porn with others and together you can reach out to him?