Gettin’ Slizzered

Back of my truck, 1.10.11

Tonight was my first night back at work since the Atlanta Blizzard of ’11 snowed me in and made me a captive in my own house, or at least my own neighbourhood. I must admit it feels great to be back at work and feel useful, though I also must admit that I’m glad I didn’t get stuck here for several days like some of my co-workers. But it’s good to have a job to come back to, and to get back into the routine of things after an involuntary hiatus.

As I search in vain for English-related jobs–and as I patiently await official confirmation of graduation a month after the fact–I’m reminded of some of the random jobs I applied for over the years that I was turned down for. Among them:

-Being Santa for a photography studio which went around to elementary schools to take portraits. I was told (at age 18) that I wasn’t fat enough to be Santa. Even if I stuffed a pillow under the suit (which I tried to do).

-Working at the Books-a-Million coffee shoppe back home. I had a friend who worked there and I myself was pretty chummy with her boss, but I failed the “personality test” and the boss had to break the news to me that she couldn’t hire me, even though she’d pretty much promised me a job already.

-I interviewed for a hotel job in Brentwood and when asked what my biggest flaw was, I stupidly told the lady interviewing me that I was chronically late everywhere I went. (WTF, BTW!) I resolved after the fact that when I’m asked that in the future, I would merely say that I try too hard to please the customer.

-Working after school at a plant nursery back home during high school. This was the first job I typed up a resume for and everything. I had a friend who worked there and he was moving away, and even though he put in a good word for me, I still didn’t get the job. Weirdness.

-I applied to be a census taker in 2000 and was led to believe I’d make the cut. Thankfully, for whatever reason, I didn’t. Census takers aren’t the most liked people who knock on doors and won’t take no for an answer.

-One of my temp jobs in Nashville was on Music Row, and I was told they were going to buy out my temp contract and bring me on full-time. Then the HR lady hired a friend of a friend, because she was “cheaper” than buying me out. Wow.

-I went to a modelling call the summer I was 19 and thought I looked really hot in a pair of corduroy pants I was practically living in at the time. The lady looked me up and down and I finally asked her if I was even K-Mart circular material. She laughed and was still willing to take my money, which I wisely refused to give her.

I know there’s plenty of others, as I’ve been in many binds over the years after walking out of jobs and needing to pay the rent and my credit cards off every month. I tried to run off and “sell chemicals” when I was 18 and had dropped out of college, but my mom talked me out of that, which I’m sure was quite, quite fortuitous of her. It’s funny to think that this current job is the one I’ve kept the longest. Who’d’ve thunk it?