Without question, the dumbest ice hockey ads I've ever seen.

(Click ads, via. Coincidentally, the dumbest ad of any kind that I've ever seen featured a hockey scenario.) There are but two things in this entire world that I have the knowledge to talk about for longer than five minutes: advertising and hockey. These horrifically Photoshopped things are for the Hamburg Freezers (maybe the dumbest hockey team nickname ever), who play in the DeutscheEishockeyLiga. Not for Sissies? Deutschlanders, stick to soccer, S&M, and oompah bands. Two minutes for elbowing, by the way, on the goon "Freezer" in the left ad. Previous ice hockey-related ads.

The Griffin Microsheen ads were extraordinarily sleazy for the 1930s.

(click ad, via) A previous ad in the campaign featured a busty naked woman in a see-thru rain slicker. Here, slutty wicked witch poses provocatively for creepy as hell horndog Mr. Pumpkinhead. Just to point out what you may have missed: the product being advertised here is men's shoe polish.

Coppafeel, a breast cancer awareness site/movement was launched by Kristin Hallenga, a British woman who almost died from breast cancer at the age of 23. She has declared today, October 29th, Coppafeel Day, encouraging women to take their boobs into their own hands. The above video is maybe authentic, maybe staged, I can't really tell. Either way, it's pretty entertaining (via).Previously in: Breast Cancer Awareness ads.

Your chance to f*ck "38-21-38" Polly Jo.

(click ad, from the early 1960s, via) Just send in "2,120 Chesterfield King packs." Jesus H Christ, smoke up horny fellas! You'll be doing her with a cancerous penis! (I don't believe this offer was official.) This may be the new winner in copyranter's offensive retro sexism ad-off. Previously in evil retro cigarette ads.

Cutesy fun time with suicide prevention ads.

(click ads, via) Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face! Wow. Tone wrong-o. Granted, it's a difficult subject to address through advertising. But if I was the theoretical guy on the left, and I saw that goofy/scary ad, I'd stab myself in the neck with my left hand whilst blowing my brains out with my right hand. Yet another serious world issue not solved by pretty art direction. Ads are for the CVV Suicide Prevention Center in Brazil. This is the ad agency. Here's four previous suicide prevention advertising efforts, ranging from idiotic to hilarious.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Cheap sports car sold with cheap cut-out pinup bikini girl.

(click ad to read, via) Well, this is either a little less sexist or appallingly more sexist than a real pinup bikini girl fuck-splayed across the car's hood would be. I really can't decide. I can decide that it is a fucking strange-ass ad for the Skoda Fabia RS by Amsterdam ad agency Selmore. Weed, dudes? Previously: These Skoda Yeti ads are quite possibly the stupidest car ads ever.

Link Haze, 10/27/10.

•LOL at malaria.• Godzilla vs Kitten.• fireworks in a bathtub.• the Ukrainian Angelina Jolie.• the attack of the 50 ft. Beckinsale.• Look for the 2008 item at right to be big this X-Mas.• If you love Watership Down/rabbits, don't click this link.

In what looks like an utterly staged event, two topless models with pasties "flash mobbed" a men's field hockey game and threw Bjorn Borg ball-hugging sports briefs (or something) onto the field of play. Borg should have led them out wearing only a sock. The pasties are keeping it from being removed from YouTube. So fucking exciting, right, today's brilliant modern advertising world?Previously in: bad/less bad "Viral" Videos.

The prettiest fart ad ever created.

(click ad, via) It's for Eno brand antacid, via Ogilvy & Mather India. It was part of a campaign that also featured bubble fish and chicken executions. Probably a scam campaign, considering that the logo is almost fucking hidden. But the respect for the black space pleases me. Almost as much as a good fart. Eno, by the way, also produced the most macabre antacid print ads I've ever seen.ADDN: Here's a comprehensive copyranter post of FartVertising.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

F*cked Up Fashion Shoot of the Week.

(click images, via) It's called "Inflate," from the October issue of Dazed & Confused, by British photographer Anthony Maule. It was cold in the studio, I guess. No, this important editorial is making a statement. And that statement is? Anyone? Bueller? Clothes are meaningless. Models are meaningless. Fashion is meaningless. Life is meaningless. This POST is definitely meaningfuckingless. Previously in Fucked Up Fashion Shoots of the Week (all NSFW).

Ad students: are these ad school ads Great? Good? Pointless?

(click ads, via) They're for my alma mater, the School of Visual Arts here in NYC. The copywriting is very good. The art direction's a bit strange. It's the strategy that I'm not sold on. It's pretty generic; it works for pretty much any school, or actually about half of the products and services in the world. It is a better campaign than these previous uninspiring SVA efforts (one, two). Ad agency: Knarf New York, who also did this literal "push the envelope" door installation at the school.Related: here are some funny ad school ads via South Africa.

Reporters Without Borders Photoshops Nicolas Sarkozy to look like a p*ssy.

(click ad, via) That is indeed the official portrait of the French president, altered slightly by Saatchi & Saatchi Paris on behalf of the freedom of press advocates. The ad announces that France came in at #44 in this month's World Press Freedom Index (diagnostic formula unknown). Vive la digital manipulation! Previously, the press organization used Photoshop to brutally torture Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-il.

The Giant-est Game of Pool Ever via Budweiser.

New Spot by DDB London and director Chris Palmer, who previously shot this equally mega-expensive Bud spot from a Chicago subway train, scored with a remake of the Beatles "All Together Now." This rather senseless commercial, featuring "Brakes On" by Air, was shot on an L.A. rooftop. Must by nice to have unlimited production budgets. To sync-up with the taste of Bud, however, the scenario should have been fleas playing the smallest ever game of snooker.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Motörhead slips in the backdoor of the rebel rocker sellout bar.

(via) Oh Lemmy. Not a French bar. Well, at least it's a commercial for alcohol. And you got to ogle a hot waitress. He and his bandmates join former subversives the Sex Pistols and Iggy Pop at the ad money trough. Ad agency: BBH London.

French designer reimagines the Coke bottle. Sexy? Hideous?

(click image) "Visionary" (his term) Jerome Olivet presents "Mystic," an experimental Coca-Cola bottle he calls "spiritual" and "supernatural" and "ambiguous" and "poetry." I call it "an unimaginative waste of plastic." I think the first Pepsi can from 1938 was a better design. But then, I'm a lowly copywriter who, in 7th grade metal shop, fashioned the ugliest candle holder in the history of humanity (pic available for media stories).What do you call it?

Russian Ad Watch: (mildly NSFW) Can you guess what these office mud wrestlers are selling?

(via) The answer is in the comments. Thanks to Marina Galperina at ANIMAL NY for the translation. The novice women were trained in the art of mud wrestling for a week before the actual shooting began, according to the agency press note (Agency: Ravoshod). Continue to know this: EVERY ad in new red hot Communist Russia Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex. SEX. (All links various degrees of NSFW.)

Karate studio ambient ad chop chop cheap.

(click image, via) No, it's not brilliant. But it is effective and cost-effective. So, bravo Toronto Academy of Karate. We've all dreamed of being able to chop a piece of wood in half with our black-belt lethal weapon hands, amirite? The cinder blocks with head move, I'm not so keen on. Previous cheap effective ambient ads: one, two, three.

Model Lara Stone being "raped" on Calvin Klein billboard.

(click image, via) At least, according to Australia's Advertising Standards Bureau. They've ordered the board pulled, finding it to be suggestive of rape and violence—though they acknowledged that the act depicted "could be consensual." The Bureau added: ...the image was demeaning to women by suggesting that she is a plaything of these men."But lately, Australian beverage ads have been yelling at Aussie men to MAN UP! Such conflicting signals. CK fashion model Stone, by the way, often models sans fashions (nsfw). Previous well-orchestrated "controversial" CK billboards:• the 5-story 3-on-1 sofa orgy billboard.• the biggest shiniest nakedest black man ever (nsfw).

Young Creatives: put down your f*cking iPhones and learn something.

(click ad, via) It's a 1,909-word trade ad, by David Ogilvy, that brought in millions in billings. Sure, it's a hideous layout and some of the copy is laughably dated. But, 40 years later, it can still teach a few lessons to today's new clueless ad "gurus."Like: "Headlines that promise a benefit sell more than those that don't...it pays to inject genuine news into headlines." Also: "Be suspicious of awards. The pursuit of creative awards seduces creative people away from the pursuit of sales." Punch your digitally-shortened attention span in the face, and read it all. To view some of today's atrociously bad ad agency self-promo ads: go here and here.

The most depressing investment commercial ever.

(via) That's right, hippersnapper. Get yer tats and lipo and piercings and big-ass boobies now. And then, when you're saggy, toothless, eating strained peas, and can barely fucking walk, reminiscence about how much you'd love to have all that money back.
The scare tactic approach is more honest than the usual bullshit investment advertising—at least they didn't use a stupid animal metaphor or the 'ol oyster/pearl stock photo. I'm too lazy to look up how badly this DnB NOR pension fund has done in the last two years. Ad agency: Norway's Try.Related: the dumbest investment ad I've ever seen.

Cheating sex site Ashley Madison blames you for them.

(click ad, via) The Online hook-up clearing whorehouse has erected this honking, hanging billboard over Old Street in London, according to Goodshit. Note the spiffy Union Jack, which seems to suggest that Ashley Madison is suggesting that it was you randy-ass Brits who invented illicit shagging.Previous Ashley Madison billboard: L.A.: the city of fucking angels.

Barack Obama learning Arabic so he can turn America into a terrorist state.

(via) Just the latest instance of illicit BamBranding. It's a commercial for international TV news channel France 24—broadcast in French, English, and now Arabic. That's some pretty shoddy, unconvincing editing, and just a terrible commercial. Look for the Tea Party to get a hold of this and have campaign ads produced by the end of the day. Ad Agency: Marcel Paris.

Crazy Japan Ad of the Week.

(via) Jesus fucking sensory overload. It's for something in a container that you eat, and cheese is involved. Other than that, I haven't a clue what's going on. It should have been included in copyranter's Crazy Japan Ad Week.

What the HELL is going on in this Italian rock & roll ad?

(click ad, via) It's for some rock club in Milan called Alcatraz. From the agency press note: "...Alcatraz asks its notes to give themselves completely, till the exhaustion. This is why the end of a concert is like a battle field where you sweat your blood. In the name of rock." OK, they are dead and dying anthropomorphised music notes. So, Alcatraz: where rock lives. And dies. Keep eating those shrooms, Daniele Dagrada (the Grey art director on the ad). Now as I finish writing this post, I don't completely hate the ad anymore—though without the press note, I doubt if I would have known that those people were supposed to be notes. Previously in: WHAT?!?

(via) In new Russia advertising, everything sexy sexism (link nsfw) and racy racism. copyranter was alerted to this 2007 commercial for the Nestle Nuts "KofeBUM" candy bar by Brad Miller's Hero. Translation from adme.ru:"...the creators (Lowe Adventa) of the campaign idea to use images of the beautiful mulatto for a hot reggaeton-party. the resourceful hero stops the truck with dancing mulatta and results in a Latin American party on the beach. Beach party at sunset, a hot rhythm Reggaeton, seductive curvy mulatto - that's the best reward for the clever guys."And what snappin' Reggaeton it is. Earlier this month, Nestle released a new spot for their basic Nuts bar featuring squirrel girls in skin tight yellow shorts carrying big peanut footballs. Click ads below to closer examine those mulattos seductively gripping big beans.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Young Gun Awards promoted with ad trophies having sex.

(click ads, via) The entry deadline for the 10th annual International Young Guns Awards was Friday (To enter, at least one member of the creative team had to be born after November 25th, 1979.). I haven't been a young gun since fuck you ago. In fact, I haven't won an ad award in about 10 years, and don't give a flying Lion fuck about it either. I do have two CLIOs sitting on my ledge right this minute. No, I will not put them in a '69' position. These two edgy executions are via two young gun creatives I will not be naming from the Miami Ad School. Previous bad ad award ads: These ads killed a bunny and a unicorn • this CLIO awards ad is the most depressing thing I've ever seen • ANDY awards promoted with anilingus.