The infamous Dina Lohan has given the New York Daily News a retrospective walk through her troubled marriage with Michael Lohan, making a slew of very serious allegations including domestic abuse, drug addiction, and rape. To which the always seedy “I’m just going to record my daughter in distress and sell it to TMZ” father of the year gave an equally barf-y response.

Dina tells the outlet that she was urged to come forward with these details regarding her marriage after Lindsay Lohan stumbled upon an old photo of her mother with a black eye. With her eldest child’s blessing, Dina confesses the following:

…she got the bruise during a night out with Michael while baby Lindsay stayed home. They dined at an upscale restaurant in Cold Spring Harbor, and as the night progressed, so did Michael’s drinking and coke-snorting, Dina said.

“When we left he was drunk-driving and suddenly he started screaming, ‘Get the f— out of the car!’ ” she recalled.

That’s when her ex-husband punched her in the face with his clenched fist, bruising her cheek below the right eye, she claimed.

Dina called her parents, who brought her to a Long Island hospital.

Hospital records do indicate that the mother was treated at the hospital for “blunt trauma” to the face on Dec. 4, 1986. TMZ pal Michael recalls the same incident unfolding in a different way:

“I came in at 2 o’clock in the morning after being out with some friends. I walked in and she hit me with an ice tray. With the back of my hand I slapped her in the face. Yes, it did happen in 1986. Were there any charges? No, not at all. I had a big black and blue on my neck from her,” he told The News.

Dina asserts that she did not press charges because her now ex-husband was already headed off to jail for securities fraud. But in addition to describing the former stockbroker as “addicted to cocaine,” Dina alleges that Michael raped her as their children slept:

By 1990, Michael Lohan was out of jail but facing more charges related to insider trading, and Dina was living with her children in her parents’ home. The two were estranged, with Michael allegedly partying with models almost every night. Dina said her strong Catholic beliefs prevented her from getting a divorce.

Those beliefs helped her survive what she said was a rape by her husband on Feb. 14, 1990.

She said she was at her parents’ home with her kids on that day. Michael Lohan showed up in a limo.

“He was out of jail and on another coke-fueled night,” said Dina…“[They] were sleeping, and I just knew I had to stay quiet — I don’t want to wake them,” she said.

Nassau County Hospital medical records support Dina’s claims, as she did go to the ER at her parents’ insistence to report a rape. Doctors did examine her, called the police, and evidence was collected into a rape kit. A coalition for abused women was also contacted for Dina, but once again, she did not press charges because her husband was already bound for jail.

Michael recalls that the sex was not only consensual, but also questions even the mere possibility of rape given that — you know — Dina was on top of him. Because, you know, nobody gets raped like that:

“How can you rape a person when they’re on top of you?” he asked.

They were separated at the time, Michael explained, and he was dating another woman.

He said Dina claimed rape in a jealous fit after she called him later that night and heard he was with the girlfriend.

“I went over to her parents’ house and made love to her,” he said Sunday. “When I left and she called me, she found out I was with (the girlfriend) and called police. Then she called me the next day, crying. I said, ‘Let’s work this out.’ And I got back with Dina. There were no charges.”

Bottom line, though. All of these serious allegations are just Dina Lohan’s way of saying that she’s not really accountable for Linday’s erratic and troubled behavior. It’s all Daddy Lohan’s fault:

“Lindsay saw her dad abuse me — that’s why she’s so screwed up…She saw a lot of crazy stuff. I want the world to know the root of her problems…”