…to confuse & unexpect‽

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browser warts

Recently I’ve seen a few ‘if browsers were girls’ analogy pictures. Usually with IE being the ugly one, opera being the forgotten one, firefox being the former hot one, and chrome being the new hot one…

But I think it’s wrong. I’m not a fan of chrome, basically. This is how I see them…

IE

She used to be ugly and obnoxious, but she’s had quite a makeover in both departments. Not enough to want to spend time with her, but you don’t feel dirty if your friends spend time with her at least.

Opera

She’s slightly-more-attractive-than-average, slightly-more-smarter-than-average, but is astonishingly arrogant and thinks she’s a mensa supermodel. She had one clever idea once as a kid (though in truth, Galeon thought of it first). Some people are swayed by her confidence/arrogance, but most don’t want to get involved.

Safari

She’s the anonymous quiet one. She does seem to always have the latest shiny phone gadget though…

Chrome

She’s the kid who grew up and is suddenly a whole bunch of hot, fast and easy. …But if you spend time with her, you’ll quickly discover she has the depth of a puddle – and if you don’t want to do things her way – well, she can’t easily think of another way to do them, so you probably end up adjusting yourself to suit her and/or getting frustrated…

Firefox

She used to be THE hot one, but looks a bit ordinary in comparison to Chrome. But she’s working to keep trim. You can talk to her, but she’s got so many ideas that you may have to work with her a little bit to get her to talk your own language. Basically, she’s can be a bit high maintenance at first, but then she’s just your seamless companion who Knows What You Like!

Galeon

She was the genius child savant who, according to the few that met her, was going to grow up to be a revolutionary. So they left her to do that, and she starved to death on the side of the information superhighway instead…

…for the record, I’ve ordered this list from my least-to-most favourite browser, normalising my experience with them over the years by vague instinct.

Recipe for thorx

mix one mad rush of idea through a brain premixed with random knowledge and strange imagination. Please avoiding zombies whilst brain is exposed. Baste with motivation and bake well in the oven of the wiki. Serve to blog.