Absurdity in Omni

The Book of Omni gets off to a great start for a book in the Book of Mormon with the words
"Behold, it came to pass" but it goes downhill quickly from there. The purpose of Omni's little book is the same as the purpose of his
father's book (the Book of Jarom) -- to preserve their genealogy. Exciting stuff. 1

It turns out that Omni's little book wasn't written by Omni, at least most of it wasn't. Omni only wrote the first three verses,
from which we learn the following things: Omni fought a lot with Lamanites, he was a wicked man, and he had a son named Amaron,
who received the plates from Omni when he died. 2-3

Amaron was a bit more prolific than his father, writing five verses. From them we learn that after 320 years the more wicked part
of the Nephites were destroyed, but the Lord saved the righteous ones. Then Amaron passed the plates to his brother Chemish.
4-8

Chemish wrote a few things in a single verse in the same book, from which we learn that his brother Amaron wrote what
he wrote with his own hand (not somebody else's) and he wrote his five verses in a single day, after the manner that the
Nephites kept there records, according to the commandments of their fathers. And with that, Chemish made an end. 9

After Chemish made an end, his son Abinadom took over. Abinadom wrote two verses with three beholds, saying that he killed many Lamanites
with his own sword. But he didn't know of any new revelations, "wherefore, that which is sufficient is written." 10-11

After Abinadom's end, his son Amaleki took over. He spoke somewhat concerning Mosiah, the king of Zarahemla, which was a new land
that the Nephites discovered while fleeing from the evil Lamanites. 12-13

When the Nephites arrived in Zarahemla, they found the land already inhabited by the people of Zarahemla, who rejoiced exceedingly
when they saw the Nephites because they had the plates of brass with the genealogies of the Jews. 14

Now you might be wondering where these mysterious people of Zarahemla came from. It turns out that they were also
long lost Israelites That's right! They were seafaring Jews that, with God's help, sailed over "the great waters" from Israel
after it was attacked by Babylon in 586 BCE. (The people of Zarahemla are called "Mulekites" later in the Book of Mormon. See
Helaman 6:10) 15-16

After arriving in the New World, the people of Zarahemla (aka the Mulekites) became exceedingly numerous. But from time to
time they had wars and whatnot. And because they didn't write stuff on brass plates, they became atheists and their language
(Reformed Egyptian) became corrupted since. So the people of Zarahemla and the people of Mosiah couldn't understand one
another. 17

But these problems were easily solved. Mosiah taught the people of Zarahamla how to speak in Mosiah's
language (Reformed Egyptian -- like all indigenous Americans speak), so they Mosiah could write down their
genealogies too. (Although they didn't get to write them on the plates of Nephi.) 18

After that, it came to pass that the people of Zarhemla and of Mosiah united together and made Mosiah their king. 19

Then someone found this big rock with engravings on it. Mosiah, with the help of God, interpreted the engravings and found
that they were written by a guy named Coriantumr, who lived with the people of Zarahemla for the space of nine moons. ("Nine moons"
is "Indian talk" for nine months.) 20-21

Okay, so where did this Coriantumr fellow come from? Well, Israel, of course, silly! All the indigenous people
in the Western Hemisphere came from Israel at one time or another. The Nephites sailed over in 600 BCE, the people of Zarahemla
(aka the Mulekites) did likewise in 586 BCE, as did Corantumr's people (aka the Jaredites) at the time of the Tower of Babel.
(You can read more all about the Jaredites in the Book of Ether.) 22

After Amaleki finished telling stories about the Mulekites and Jaredites, he began to be old and having no seed, he passed
the plates to King Benjamin, who succeeded King Mosiah, and who drove the Lamanites out of the land of Zarahemla. 23-25a

King Benjamin told everyone to believe in prophesying, revelations, speaking in tongues (which, according to the Bible, no
one did until the day of Pentecost), and getting saved though Christ (who wouldn't be born for another couple couple centuries).
25b-26

Before Amaleki makes an end of his speaking, he tells us about a certain number of Nephites who leave Zarahelma
and to return to the land of Nephi. They were led by a stiffnecked guyt that got all of them killed, save fifty. After that, it
came to pass that there was another attempted migration to the land of Nephi, with Amaleki's brother among them, and no one has
heard from them since. 27-30a

And with that bit of news, Amaleki makes an end of his speaking, and with the plates full, goes down in his grave. 30b