Oliver Pritchett: After the mansion and conservatory taxes, what's next?

It's just occured to me...all these new taxes will send clipboard sales
through the roof.

You can see the way the Government’s minds were working. First they toyed with the idea of a mansion tax, next, in the Budget, they dreamed up a conservatory tax. At this rate we can soon expect a gazebo and summer house surcharge, followed by an old rectory tax, a bijou cottage levy, an executive-style loft apartment supplement and a swish barn-conversion duty.

The so-called conservatory tax was proposed as part of a package of “green” measures. The idea was, if you sought permission to make some home improvement, such as converting a garage or a loft, or building a conservatory, you would be obliged to undertake some green projects in your house — such as cavity wall insulation. It was estimated that this measure would add about 10 per cent to the cost of your conservatory.

For the time being, it seems that the threat of this conservatory tax has gone away. But not all that far, I suspect. There will be other green regulations, designed to make us all better people. The trouble is, these sort of rules need a huge army of inspectors, adjudicators, consultants and appeals panels to police them. Millions of official letters will go out.

“Dear Madam, After considering the matter for 18 months we have agreed that you may light a bonfire, provided you plant 17 trees in your garden. See attached booklet for list of acceptable trees.” Or: “The committee has ruled that you can go ahead and build a tennis court, but you will also have to double-glaze and insulate your tool shed and to promise not to fly anywhere for the next 170 years.” As more green rules are introduced, our homes will crawl with officials with clipboards. Indeed clipboard sales will go through the roof. And how will the Government pay for all the extra red tape? They’ll introduce a Rather Nice Front Door Tax.