The Crap We Missed – Monday 12.9.13

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed which is set predominantly in Miami, because cold weather is for poor people. So while everyone from Texas to Pennsylvania got shellacked in the dick with ice this weekend, famous celebrities went to the beach for their bizarre mating rituals and to light money on fire. Please join me in slamming on them via our real mom, the Internet, for she never makes us feel guilty about how much more time we may or may not be spending at the in-laws this Christmas even though nobody set a time yet and probably won’t until the day before. Family holiday time, yay!! Anyway, here’s Patrick Dempsey making Chris Martin look like a Hell’s Angel, Hoda Kotb in a bikini because I’ve been dead inside for a long, long time, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers at Lady Gaga‘s secret show, so at least we all know who donated the cocaine sculptures.