Money and Men

Relationships can be like that little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead: When they’re good, they’re very, very, good, but when they’re bad, they’re horrid. If the man in your life can’t handle his money, it will be beyond horrid.

My friend recently found her husband had several credit cards she knew nothing about– the bills were sent to his office. Her name appears on the cards and she lives in a community property state. She’s just now untangling the mess. Another friend’s husband surprised her with a fancy new boat he bought with their joint bank account. She some how is the bad person because she wants to spoil his fun. Not too long ago, he bought a pickup from that same account without telling her first. I’m not sure where either of these relationships are headed– from the sound of the yelling, not far. The divorce lawyers will divide up anything left.

Both friends are married. That muddies the money situation. If you’re not legally responsible for his poor judgment, don’t fall into the pity trap and try to bail him out– or finance his next wild adventure. If the guy in your life is bi-polar, beware. Erratic spending occurs when they’re on a high. When that high wears off and they’re riding the down cycle into the depths of depression, the bills in the mailbox will push them deeper into depression.

It is possible to have a good relationship with a man with bizarre spending habits. They can make good lovers and good companions. Just don’t expect them to be reliable. And keep your finances separate.