Well, a big part of that were the owls. Right outside our wooden shed were a pair of Spotted Eagle Owls that would hoot, loud as fuck, all through the night until J-Rab and I were driven totally shit-your-pants mad.

Eventually we resorted to standing on our balcony at 2 in the morning and trying to pelt the fuckers with onions because that’s all we could find to throw.

Good thing we don’t have neighbours because trust me, if they had to see me at 2 in the morning, carrying on like an asylum escapee on our balcony, firing onions into the darkness whilst screaming, “FUCK YOU OWL!” they’d definitely call the police.

Anyway, turns out the little bastards were hooting incessantly because they had babies.

Imagine my excitement. MORE fucking owls.

Here’s a pic I snapped of momma owl with baby owl standing in front of her, staring at me with this arrogant “that’s right, I’ma keep you up ALL NIGHT, BITCH!” look on his face.

In my mind I quietly reached for a 9ml under my seat, took aim and laughed maniacally as both owls exploded in a cloud of brown / black feathers.