Well, satire has just imitated life. AppleInsider reports on an all-inclusive patent application from Apple in which Steven P. Jobs, among others, may be doing just that. US patent application 20080122796 covers just about everything you could imagine doing with an iPhone, including some things you won't be able to do until at least the WWDC keynote.

The GPS module 135 determines the location of the device and provides this information for use in various applications (e.g., to telephone 138 for use in location-based dialing, to camera 143 and/or blogger 142 as picture/video metadata, and to applications that provide location-based services such as weather widgets, local yellow page widgets, and map/navigation widgets).

Hopefully, the pseudo-GPS many have found wanting will be replaced by a combination of hardware and software providing a much richer experience. Another interesting hardware add-on is an "optical sensor controller" mounted on the front of the device that could be used for something like iChat mobile. The camera on the back is also referred to in the patent, the software controls including a button "for starting and stopping video recording," a feature missing from the current iPhone. Also updated is the messaging module, "transmitted and/or received instant messages may include graphics, photos, audio files, video files and/or other attachments." Unfortunately, there are also references to Flash and Java plug-ins, which aren't likely to be a part of the 3G iPhone, and that hints at what this patent may really be about.

Filed on September 5, 2007, the same day the iPod touch was introduced, the abstract explains it as a "computer-implemented method for use in conjunction with a computing device with a touch screen display comprises." However, it's highly doubtful Apple could actually end up with legal control of the touch-based UI at this late date; certainly Microsoft has the living room table as prior art. More likely, this is defensive patent, one that will help keep others from suing Apple over features in our touch-based future.