The tell-all promises an inside look at life at the famed Playboy Mansion, which seems to be just as surreal as we’ve imagined it to be. But it may not be surreal in the insane-but-fun-if-you’re-into-that-kinda-thing way we may have gleaned from publicity snaps of the Mansion’s infamous parties. Instead, Madison’s memoir paints a much darker picture of the life of a Playmate: according to the book's press release, what Madison thought would be a “fairytale life…quickly became her nightmare.”

Hugh Hefner’s former “#1 girlfriend” rose to fame in 2005, when she and fellow girlfriends Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt starred in the E! reality series The Girls Next Door. But to further prove that reality television is anything but real, the memoir’s press release refers to the Mansion’s “oppressive routine of strict rules [and] manipulation.”

And while we (yes, we: don’t pretend you didn’t love TGND) watched the platinum-blonde bombshell gallivanting around the Mansion in Mattel-esque getups, in reality Madison was horrifically depressed: “After losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future,” Harper Collins reveals, “Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.”

Thankfully, Madison seems to be in a better place: now 35, she’s married to Insomniac Events founder Pasquale Rotella, with whom she has a daughter, Rainbow Aurora (a Wonderland-worthy name if there ever was one). I'm not usually one for celebrity memoirs, but Madison's story is intriguing — it just might provide a more realistic and candid take on Hugh Hefner's infamous Playboy empire.