You ever think really weird shit... and then realize what you just thought is really fucked up... and then you make a note to forget you ever thought what you just thought?

One time I was standing at a train stop and this little old lady was standing in front of me... when one train was coming through... I thought "Yo! I could seriously and easily kill you right now by pushing you, but I will not, I have spared your life... you see that God? I am NICE"

Then a moment later I realized that entire thought was NOT going to please God... so I made a note to forget I ever thought it.

Unfortunately I remembered... sorry God.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 3:31 pm

Satyre

Joined: 03 Jul 2002
Posts: 753
Location: Indianapolis

You are a funny character...I applaud you...

Mon Jul 15, 2002 3:33 pm

Sage FrancisSelf Fighteous

Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21654

Yep.

I can still remember when I was very young hearing about a man who pledged allegiance to the Devil and how it doomed him to hell.

I couldn't help but think what an allegiance like that would be. And all I could think of in my head was "I pledge allegiance to the Devil of the United States of the Devil. And to the Devil for which it stands...one nation...under the Devil...blah blah blah"

And I was convinced that just for thinking that I was also doomed to hell. So I made a promise that I would never think about that again.

15 years later or so I am still thinking about it and trying to work it out of my head.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 3:40 pm

JOEYBEATSGuest

Well...

I can't stay around sharp objects for too long or I start to get antsy.

The first thing I think of whenever I see a sharp object is it slitting my throat. I can usually deal with these thoughts for about an hour (or half hour) then I have to exit the room for like 5 minutes or so.

Another messed up thing I think is whenever I say goodbye to someone I care about I think "that might be the last time I ever see this person; I or they could die before we see each other again." I don't like thinking about that but it takes me a while to get over it.

Driving to the other side of the road or speeding off an overpass. Drinking bleach, gas or whatever else I might be faced with in a given situation. Being high up and considering jumping...etc...etc...etc...

None of it bothers me as much as it used to. When I first started thinking like this, I found it difficult to leave the house being I was overwhelmed by the number of outside stimuli that could possibly set me off and get me thinking I was crazy. I dropped out of school; it was ugly. After a while though, I rationalized it's a normal part of being someone who thinks intensely about their life and all things attached to it.

I don't want to die because there's no heaven. It's just a defense mechanism. That said, you keep on walking without being too hard on yourself. The scariest part is once you start doubting the purpose of such thought processes and/or worry if you can remain in control if they continue.
You're only as crazy and mentally unstable as you convince yourself to be.

Joe.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 4:00 pm

SneepSnopDotComCOCKRING WRAITH

Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 3087
Location: Wisconsin

jesus... Joey, you need to relax guy.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 4:18 pm

JOEYBEATSGuest

Yo Sneeb

Im chillin'

I've always been.

Nothing wrong here.

Joe.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 4:29 pm

philej2

Joined: 12 Jul 2002
Posts: 10

I'm allways thinking to much....

I'll often consider the consequences of driving to the other side of the road while driving... Then I'll feel all tense and scared as shit as if my body is going to do it and I can't stop it from happening.... it's makes me tingle and I need a bit to relax... consentrating on staying on the correct side of the line... Some times I'm really intrigued by the opurtunity to alter fate so drasticly and if it really matters weather I do or not. The whole concept of time and memory and how our world is defined by our senses makes me think there is absolutely no sense to it all. Since, I've made this all up. It's like I'm in the movie Momento or something. I can't see the purpose of my memories or the matter behind anything... So, doing something completely insane seems rational.... I'm not really in aw of anything. Peaple and things seems like they don't have any meaning... George Bush is the same to me as John Doe. Millions of dollars the same as one penny....

Well this is just how I feel sometimes... It's not really a bad feeling either.. it's peaceful and offers a nice perspective on perception... and I enjoy all the scenes I take in.... I could be at a train yard or in the alps...

most times though I see the obvious need to partake in society... I carry those burdens and have little time to think outside the box..

peace peace.

phily j.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 4:44 pm

futuristxen

Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 19377
Location: Tighten Your Bible Belt

I've got that sharp objects thing, specifically with writing instruments. I am deathly affraid I'm going to jab them into my eye without thinking...thank god for the computer or I would have trouble writing for long spells. Speaking of god, that he used to scare the beejesus out of me 24/7, as soon as I heard he read thoughts that was it for me, religion made me one paranoid motherfucker...by the time I decided there was no god, i was already way too paranoid, but it's not like I'm wrong, I can usually just tell when people are doing shit, it's just that I preempt them by confronting them in some way, which leads to some fights but keeps the knives out of my back. I think I'm getting better though.

Oh but I wanted to say props to Sneeb again, that made me laugh..again

Quote: You are a funny character...I applaud you...

word the fuck up :D

Mon Jul 15, 2002 5:28 pm

the incredible ticktalk

Joined: 07 Jul 2002
Posts: 40
Location: iowa

in elementary school we played this game called musical baseball, i don't remember how it was played, but i remember praying to god to get people on the other team to strike out never worked, so i prayed to the devil and it worked!!!!

I didn't know weather to laugh,cry, embrace this power, or be scared outta my kangaroo's. so i decided i wouldn't think about that again.

The next time we played musical baseball i told my best friend to pray to satan to see if it worked, and he said it did.

This has been a mystery to me for along time.

please don't claim my soul satan

Mon Jul 15, 2002 5:48 pm

argot

Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 958
Location: rhode island

yeah

I think about that stuff all the time... first happened at a friends house with a rock and a car...

You ever actually do some of the stuff... honestly you have to be cvareful with your head.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 6:04 pm

philej2

Joined: 12 Jul 2002
Posts: 10

oh and btw..

If god can get some sort of "mad" about thoughts... I don't want anything to do with this "god"... really... actions I can see, but thoughts.... FUCK THAT....

Mon Jul 15, 2002 8:03 pm

Tony@Beyond Space

Joined: 02 Jul 2002
Posts: 576

Re: Well...

JOEYBEATS wrote:

Another messed up thing I think is whenever I say goodbye to someone I care about I think "that might be the last time I ever see this person; I or they could die before we see each other again." I don't like thinking about that but it takes me a while to get over it.

I think about that all the time mostly beacuse when i was 7 i went to visit my Grandma at 8 pm and that night she died. So ive thought like that from that day on..

Mon Jul 15, 2002 8:10 pm

SneepSnopDotComCOCKRING WRAITH

Joined: 01 Jul 2002
Posts: 3087
Location: Wisconsin

How'd this get to be about God and all these disturbing things?

I wanted to hear some far-out weird things... not these suicidal creepity crap morose things.

Shit.. Sometimes when the cat is licking its own ass I wonder what it tastes like and then I imagine it's salty and not unlike beef jerky. Then I go "what the fuck am I doing" and I go drink some water.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 9:43 pm

Fladlien

Joined: 09 Jul 2002
Posts: 782
Location: Iowa

I usually have one terrible thought I'd like to forget that strongly occupies my mental and then it dies and a new one replaces it. Right now I keep having this strange one.

My tv sits on a makeshift desk. It's actually 6 cinder blocks (those ones with two square holes in each). I know, pretty ghetto style, right? Well it seems that sometimes when I'm watching tv lately I start to think about how it'd hurt to chew on those damn cinder blocks, and then in my head I get this vision of me chewing on them, and it always makes me cringe. Why the hell do I keep thinking it? I'd like to forget it.

I had a very bad exerpience with some mushroom a few years ago where I thought I was going to fall off earth. Then for a while after that sometimes I'd think that I might fall off the earth. I'd tell myself how irrational that is, but it seemed like it was a possibility, lol.

I have had thoughts about what it'd feel like to murder someone. I mean very violent thoughts, in deep detail. At first it scared me, but I know I'd never murder anyone. I compare it to a girl who has sexual fantasies of getting raped, which it turn she gets off on. It turns her on in her mind, but obviously she doesn't want to get raped. Except it doesn't turn me on thinking about killing someone : )

I used to have thoughts about what it'd be like if my skull got smashed or it exploded, and I wish I had never thought of that.

And many other strange things like this. Joe makes a good point. You just have to overcome these thoughts and take them for what they are: thoughts. It is up to you just to leave them as thoughts, or bring them into reality. But you shouldn't let a few bad thoughts dominate your life. Think of how many good thoughts you have to rival those terrible ones.

Mon Jul 15, 2002 9:44 pm

HipHopJunkie

Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 30

funeral

I always wonder when i die if anyone would come to my funeral and if people did who would be there.

Tue Jul 16, 2002 12:14 am

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