player profiles

Bored Invents

Keri Anderson dropped out of college
because so many of her idols did the same. Before long, she started a website
and called ItDoesntGetBiggerThanThis.com – an e-commerce site that gave its
customers bigger discounts. The results weren’t exactly flattering. However,
Anderson was adamant and refused to change the long, nearly tedious name of the
site.

Then the big clash, India vs Pakistan,
came along. In the build up to the big day, Indian and Pakistani media agreed
on only one thing “It doesn’t get better than this”. Mark Zuckerberg, founder
Facebook, who only recently visited India, and has been on an all-out attack on
that country with his Free Basics, when contacted said he knew when he saw a
big, big idea. “The thing about the Indian people is that they’re a lot more
suspicious than most races. Which is why they haven’t yet accepted something
like Free Basics even after I changed the name. Maybe it wasn’t simple enough. Even putting pictures of poor, half naked
Indian kids in those full page ads didn’t get the idea across. Since then my
team has been following current events in India. They are convinced that India
is obsessed with the India-Pakistan match, no matter when or where or why it
happens...and there’s only one thing they keep saying –“It doesn’t get bigger
than this”. I suspect that’s the answer. My team has been speaking to Keri
Anderson. She’s a brilliant, young girl, even dropped out of college. We are
looking to launch Free Basics as It Doesn’t Get Bigger Than This”

When contacted,
ItDoesntGetBiggerThanThis.com founder, Keri Anderson, said she was flattered
with the interest Zuckerberg was showing in her website. “I know he means good,
but at the end of the day this is a website to offer discounts not free
internet to the Indian people. Mark (Zukerberg) has assured me that the site
will make money and will be in safe hands. He’s also assured me that the money
I get from the site will be enough for me to not worry about opening another
website with a long name, whatever that means”

The Indian and Pakistani media has
been in a self congratulatory mode taking full credit for the multi-million
dollar takeover of ItDoesntGetBiggerThanThis.com . TV presenter, Aranab Goswami
raised the pitch once again: “IT DOESN’T GET BIGGER THAN THIS. I REPEAT IT
DOESN’T. NEVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER WILL WE SEE SOMETHING BIGGER THAN
THIS. IT’S ONLY BECAUSE OF HOW THE INDIAN MEDIA, YES, NOT THE PAKISTANI MEDIA, ONLY
THE INDIAN MEDIA HAS APPROACHED THIS MATCH, THIS BIGGER THAN BIG, BIGGER THAN
THE BIGGEST MATCH THAT WE NOW HAVE AN OBSCURE UNHEARD OF COLLEGE DROP OUT
MAKING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS...and we’re very happy for her, but let’s be under
no misconceptions here...IT’S ONLY BECAUSE OF TIMES NOW..THAT
ItDoesntGetBiggerThanThis.com is trending world over...Will you keep quiet, I
will not ask you again, keep quiet, this is my show, we have Suhel Seth on the
line from London...Suhel Seth, can you hear ME? Have you met Vijay Mallaya in
London yet? hehehe”

Mark Zuckerberg, who was in Beijing,
and ran without wearing a mask, (even when the city was experiencing a
yellow-level smog alert), said it was great to be back in Beijing. “Looking
forward to watching the ‘It doesn’t get bigger than this’ match with my Chinese
friends. Maybe we can all learn a thing or two about cricket together” When
asked who he was supporting, Zuckerberg evaded the question with a hint of
irony, “Let me figure the rules of the game first”.

(However plausible this may sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)