Make sure to thank those who teach you how to love

Published: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 at 12:30 a.m.

Last Modified: Monday, February 11, 2013 at 3:48 p.m.

This time of year you hear a great deal about love, and this column is also about that subject but not necessarily the kind one would associate with Valentine's Day.

Last week while in the waiting room of Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center in Winston-Salem I picked up a copy of Martha Stewart's Living magazine to pass the time. Since I was there because my mother was having a heart procedure, the beautiful heart-shaped floral arrangement on the cover of the February issue got my attention.

In flipping to the main article, "147 Ways to Show Your Love," it appeared someone had torn out the article — ironic. Then a prophetic thought came to me that I must not have needed any guidance on that topic after all. Suddenly it was clear as I thought about Mother again that it was actually true. I didn't need a published lesson on how to show love, for the best teacher of this was lying in a nearby operating room, sleeping through a lengthy procedure to correct her irregular heartbeat.

Hopefully Martha won't mind that instead of spotlighting the contents of her teachings, the true focus of this column at least should be Elsie Brinkley Fritts. Our mother was one child of 10 raised on a farm in Welcome, and after her 80-plus years, she managed to face and overcome many health issues to ultimately outlive all but her one remaining sibling. Sadly, within the past year she had actually lost two brothers, one sister, two nephews and a niece. With all this as well as her own health concerns, she continued the incredible challenge of being the primary caregiver to a husband with Alzheimer's disease, yet through it all she remained positive and a wonderful example of how to give the greatest gift of all.

She could have given up on the endless struggles with our father and placed him into a home, but she declined the notion. Even after recently falling and breaking her arm, she remained the epitome of a real trooper who loved her husband and refused to shirk her responsibility. She fought against our advice to get help with Dad until the family insisted. She would say, "He's mine and I'll take care of him as long as I can."

Mother taught us many lessons of love and life in general like how to keep house, raise children the right way, put in a permanent, filet a fish, save money, restore antiques, sew and quilt as well as how to make unbeatable yeast rolls (which have been shipped to family members round the world). She even gave in to riding a go-cart when she was 78 to make her great-grandson happy.

Mom taught us how to farm, can vegetables, not to drive too fast (which I still ignore), how to cook killer dumplings, hold on to faith, organize a great bridal shower, value an education, teach Sunday school and Bible school, be a selfless giver, exercise patience, care for pets (even if they didn't belong to you), how to be humble yet fearless, remember that family comes first, be kind to those who don't deserve it, forgive those who wrong you, stand by your man even if he makes mistakes, never lie, be tough when others need you to be (including spanking your children when they refuse to stop misbehaving, even if it hurts you more), work very hard, always be a lady, stay quiet when others need you to, never do anything you might regret, rise above the fray, find the beauty in a bad situation, never be jealous of others, hold on when it's needed, let go when appropriate and never stop trying.

But above all else, love, love, love everyone. So hard to list it all, and while attempting to express her virtues to you on an old laptop in a crowded hospital waiting room, I suddenly realized I didn't tell her nearly enough how much I loved her.

With that, a sudden pang of fear washed over me. What if the surgery didn't go well? There may never be another chance to tell her. In looking around the room, I wondered how many other folks there may be feeling the same.

This brought back yet another memory from years earlier, in another hospital waiting room, when mother's loving kindness made a lasting impression. The family was anxiously awaiting the results of our father's exploratory surgery when Mom noticed another woman there who needed some support. Her son had been in a serious traffic accident. She was alone, from out of town and clearly worried. Mom went into action to give her comfort, so sweetly, so compassionately, putting aside her own concerns to make time to help a stranger unload her worry to someone else who cared.

Hopefully those of you who read this will never miss an opportunity to give love back to those who loved you and taught you how to love. You never know when it might be your last chance.

<p>This time of year you hear a great deal about love, and this column is also about that subject but not necessarily the kind one would associate with Valentine's Day. </p><p>Last week while in the waiting room of Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center in Winston-Salem I picked up a copy of Martha Stewart's Living magazine to pass the time. Since I was there because my mother was having a heart procedure, the beautiful heart-shaped floral arrangement on the cover of the February issue got my attention.</p><p>In flipping to the main article, "147 Ways to Show Your Love," it appeared someone had torn out the article — ironic. Then a prophetic thought came to me that I must not have needed any guidance on that topic after all. Suddenly it was clear as I thought about Mother again that it was actually true. I didn't need a published lesson on how to show love, for the best teacher of this was lying in a nearby operating room, sleeping through a lengthy procedure to correct her irregular heartbeat. </p><p>Hopefully Martha won't mind that instead of spotlighting the contents of her teachings, the true focus of this column at least should be Elsie Brinkley Fritts. Our mother was one child of 10 raised on a farm in Welcome, and after her 80-plus years, she managed to face and overcome many health issues to ultimately outlive all but her one remaining sibling. Sadly, within the past year she had actually lost two brothers, one sister, two nephews and a niece. With all this as well as her own health concerns, she continued the incredible challenge of being the primary caregiver to a husband with Alzheimer's disease, yet through it all she remained positive and a wonderful example of how to give the greatest gift of all.</p><p>She could have given up on the endless struggles with our father and placed him into a home, but she declined the notion. Even after recently falling and breaking her arm, she remained the epitome of a real trooper who loved her husband and refused to shirk her responsibility. She fought against our advice to get help with Dad until the family insisted. She would say, "He's mine and I'll take care of him as long as I can."</p><p>Mother taught us many lessons of love and life in general like how to keep house, raise children the right way, put in a permanent, filet a fish, save money, restore antiques, sew and quilt as well as how to make unbeatable yeast rolls (which have been shipped to family members round the world). She even gave in to riding a go-cart when she was 78 to make her great-grandson happy.</p><p>Mom taught us how to farm, can vegetables, not to drive too fast (which I still ignore), how to cook killer dumplings, hold on to faith, organize a great bridal shower, value an education, teach Sunday school and Bible school, be a selfless giver, exercise patience, care for pets (even if they didn't belong to you), how to be humble yet fearless, remember that family comes first, be kind to those who don't deserve it, forgive those who wrong you, stand by your man even if he makes mistakes, never lie, be tough when others need you to be (including spanking your children when they refuse to stop misbehaving, even if it hurts you more), work very hard, always be a lady, stay quiet when others need you to, never do anything you might regret, rise above the fray, find the beauty in a bad situation, never be jealous of others, hold on when it's needed, let go when appropriate and never stop trying.</p><p>But above all else, love, love, love everyone. So hard to list it all, and while attempting to express her virtues to you on an old laptop in a crowded hospital waiting room, I suddenly realized I didn't tell her nearly enough how much I loved her. </p><p>With that, a sudden pang of fear washed over me. What if the surgery didn't go well? There may never be another chance to tell her. In looking around the room, I wondered how many other folks there may be feeling the same.</p><p>This brought back yet another memory from years earlier, in another hospital waiting room, when mother's loving kindness made a lasting impression. The family was anxiously awaiting the results of our father's exploratory surgery when Mom noticed another woman there who needed some support. Her son had been in a serious traffic accident. She was alone, from out of town and clearly worried. Mom went into action to give her comfort, so sweetly, so compassionately, putting aside her own concerns to make time to help a stranger unload her worry to someone else who cared. </p><p>Hopefully those of you who read this will never miss an opportunity to give love back to those who loved you and taught you how to love. You never know when it might be your last chance. </p><p>Love you Mom.</p><p>Jenny Waisner can be contacted at jwaisner@lexcominc.net.</p>