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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Mom on Mom Judgment

I cannot be the only one…who has noticed that some Mamas thrive on schooling you on what is good parenting. There are those Moms who I think are just waiting for a good moment to drop some superior mothering wisdom on you and the others who are all about passing parenting judgment, either way this schooling happens to me quite often.

I narrowed down the times that I have been schooled by other mommies to
three biggies. By no means are these the only
times I have felt this way, generally I am schooled by another mom at least
twice a week, but I offer you only the following three to save the little bit of
pride I have left:

1.Breast-feeding:

When the Sonny Boy was born I tried like a swollen-breasted crazy woman
to get that boy to latch on.After
a day of unsuccessful nursing (yes, he didn’t eat for the first day of his
precious little life), the nurse in the hospital suggested giving the Sonny Boy
a bottle of formula, and Viola, the boy ate something.My milk supply refused to cooperate with the demands of my
new hungry baby, so formula became his source of food.When my girlfriends heard of this
travesty they almost bought the farm, “You have to keep trying, you have to
rent a hospital grade breast pump for your house, NEVER give up on the miracle
of breast milk…” but I was scared the Sonny Boy would never be satisfied by my dodgy
food source, so bottle feeding is what we did.Sigh…this was my Schooled moment.

2.Preschool:

I was one of those lucky mamas,
whose boss was truly uninterested in child rearing, and allowed me to move my
office into my home prior to the birth of the Sonny Boy, thus giving me the
chance to be at home with my baby for the first four years.When the time came for Sonny Boy to
attend Pre-K, I was that mom with eyes full of tears muttering things to my
Hubby like, “What if he has to go to the bathroom and doesn’t know where it
is,” while the other, more seasoned preschool moms, offered us those smiles
that you aren’t really sure are in kindness or in jest.At pick-up, on the third day, one of
the other mothers decided it was time to get to the bottom of why I was such a
nervous ninny about my son and preschool.When I explained that the Sonny Boy had been at home with me since
birth, the mother couldn’t hide her astonishment, “Didn’t you think he needed
to socialize with his peers during the first four years of his life?” I took a deep breath, refrained
from explaining what should have been obvious: that we didn’t hide in a closet
and never go outside in those four years, but rather I told that busy-body mom that we
had many reasons (none of which I was going to give her the pleasure of knowing)
for not enrolling in preschool until then.Whatever our reasons, the fact was…. BOOM she Schooled me on that
delicate third day of preschool.

3.Parental Advice:

Lastly, this most recent Schooled moment pertains to offering parenting advice or even simply
sharing what works in our house, and the face slapping judgment that other
mamas are willing to slay you with. I made the honest mistake of sharing how we
handle Sonny Boy’s extreme finickiness when it comes to food, that I make
something I know he’ll eat early in the week, such as Mac and Cheese for
example, and reheat it as a side dish to accompany whatever deliciousness I have
created that he won’t touch (really, it’s just an insurance policy that he
actually eats something).You
would have thought that I said I use Hershey’s syrup in place of milk in the
Mac and Cheese by the responses I received, I was told it is a “horrible idea”
and that basically I am creating a monster by “making him something
special.”I am not sure when Kraft
Macaroni and Cheese (you know that inexpensive blue box usually found on the
bottom shelf at the market) became an exceptional treat, but the response to my
parenting (or obviously lack thereof) added another Schooled notch to my
already notched up belt.

I hope that I didn’t send any of you in a tizzy because you agree
with those issuing the Schooling, the truth is I am trying at this motherhood thing, but
like anything in this life…practice makes perfect (I had to laugh out loud at
myself on that last comment, I am positive
I will never be a perfect mom).

4 comments:

I think all moms can relate. The other biggie is c-section. The looks and opinions I received because of a c-section were amazing. My comment was always, "My goal was to bring my baby home alive and I did. And the birth only took 3 hours! So there!" Well, I never said, "So there," but I thought it. My other son was only formula fed and he's really healthy, too. My oldest also stayed home with me for 4 years. It was great! My second kid is so social/talkative I had to send him out to preschool just so I could have a break from his chatting all day long. :)

Great post! I'll never understand those crazy breastfeeding nazi moms!! I breastfed my daughter for 13 months, but you don't see me running around broadcasting it. In fact, I only did it for so long because she refused to drink from a freaking bottle! People can be such pompous jerks. As for the mac-n-cheese, I do that ALL THE TIME! The parents who judge you for that don't have a picky-eater two-year-old who weighs as much as your average 10-month-old. I do. I will feed her what she wants, when she wants. You do the same for your little one, mama!