Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate.

Supernatural: Leo DiCaprio was not harmed in the filming of this episode

Can we keep her, Sera? Can we? Please?? We’ll take care of her I promise!

THEN: This episode already happened, we just don’t remember it.

NOW

Bobby pores over the dragons’ Mommy Manual while he pours one out for himself. He cracks open a fresh bottle, and somebody’s going to need to make another supply run. The boys hover silently in the doorway. Dean holds out a fist, throws scissors, and … wins? Huh. Bobby cuts Sam off before he can speak. Less intervention, more research. This multi-day, no sleep, all booze bender isn’t about Rufus. “This so called ‘Eve’ … Mother … whatever ain’t gonna gank herself. Now you want to stand there and therapize [or] you want to get me some coffee? Make it Irish.” The boys retreat into the kitchen. Now what? Sam suggests they get Bobby out of the house and on a job. He shows Dean a news clipping from Chester, PA. Three blood relatives have all died freaky deaths in the same week. The most recent was a guy “karate chopped” by his garage door in a neat bit of Rube Goldberg tomfoolery. Bobby has no interest in this maybe family curse. The only thing he wants is them out of his house. You don’t have to tell them twice. Well, actually Bobby does. Have to tell them twice. Dean tosses his bag into the back of the car, and as the camera moves past him it swings around to reveal the front end of a Ford Mustang.

… and the record skipped …

Sam throwing paper should have been the give away that we’ve joined an alternate reality already in progress. As Dean fires up the engine on a car that doesn’t scare people and whose trunk will – at best – hold a single paltry body, Sam has second thoughts. Maybe they should wait until “she” gets back. Dean reassures him that “she” just called from the road and is on her way. Better that they leave now than sit around and watch Bobby “poop out his liver.”

Bobby gets a clean glass from the dish drainer and reaches for the now half empty bottle of hunter’s helper. As he does, the business end of a shotgun is laid gently across his hand. Please tell Ellen you haven’t been drinking this whole time. Thank you CW promo department for giving this dead away, but YAY! ELLEN! SQUEEEEE!!!!! Oh, sweet Ellen you have been missed. You’re also looking really well for having been blowed up not a season ago. They banter as she unpacks groceries, home after a week hunting with Jo. Yay! Jo’s not dead either! She tells him to wash up, and he tells her she’s a pain in the aspiration.

“That’s why you married me.”

The boys investigate Headless McGee’s garage, but there’s not a bleep on the EMP meter. Yay! At least that made it into this ‘verse. The only clue they find is a single solid gold thread. To the research! The next morning finds Dean across the desk from Shawn Russo, attorney at law. Reasonable rates. NO FAMILY DISCOUNTS. Dean tries to determine the source of the curse from his increasingly hostile witness. Is there anything note worthy about the family? Other than recently, have there been any violent deaths or maimings? “Like, something so dark that it would sully future generations.”

OBJECTION! Dean switches to a more direct approach, and simply tells Shawn that his life is in danger. The attorney assumes that he’s being threatened. Dean does nothing to help his cause when he back pedals into “If you don’t watch your back you’re gonna die.” Shawn is now thoroughly wigged and throws Dean out of his office. He was just trying to help. Badly. Bless him. Sam has had no greater success at the courthouse. All he found is picket fences and good clean living since 1912.

In another part of town, a perky travel agent is trying to sell a client on Cuba. Havana is apparently lovely this time of year. It’s all about cigars, Cher, and the circus. And the new Trump Casino? Amazing. There’s a wave pool. If northern climes are more your style visit beautiful Detroit. According to the poster on the wall over the copier it’s America’s Top City! Perky stops mid pitch, frozen in the moment. A blonde women walks into the frame. Everything about her body language reads super efficient and tightly wound. She reaches into the agent’s purse, grabs her keys, and tosses them next to the copier. When time restarts and Perky goes to retrieve them, she sets off a chain reaction that ends with her scarf getting sucked into the paper feed and the life slowly choked out of her. Not going to lie, next time I wear a scarf to work I am leaving it in my office when I go to the copier. You just shouldn’t tempt fate. Oops! *spoiler* Blonde and efficient returns to the office, looking a bit more satisfied. She opens a small ledger and flips a golden bookmark out of the way. As she does, a thin thread flutters to the floor.

Dean calls Ellen (hello Season 2, nice to see you again) and she confirms that the golden threads have been popping up nation wide, “about 75 so far.” Jo and her crew (Jo has a crew!) are working on a cluster in California. Dean asks about Bobby, and gets a reassuring “Oh, don’t worry. I’m kicking his [aspirations] back to health and happiness. He’ll be okay.” Bobby replies with a “Who asked you to? The hell with you.” He says it with all the love in his heart. I seriously ship these two now. Ellen then reveals a strange connection they found buried deep in the victims’ genealogy. All of the families came to America in the same year and on the same boat – 1912, RMS Titanic. Does that sounds familiar at all? Anyone? No? Sam logs on to this reality’s version of Wikipedia, Marconipages. The only thing that seems at all notable about the ship is its close call with an iceberg. The first mate spotted it just in time to avert certain disaster. The hero’s name – I.P. Freeley. A group photo of the crew confirms the boys’ suspicions. Balthazar. They mix up a delicious summoning salad and the angel immediately cops to his role in the time line shenanigans. The why is simple. “Because I hatedthe movie.”

“Oh, she’s a destitute lounge singer somewhere in Quebec, and let’s keep it that way, please.”

Dean’s brain is starting to hurt and he’s having a very hard time keeping up. Sam focuses on the big picture. You can’t change history … can you? “There’s no more rules, boys.” Isn’t that a good thing? Balthazar saved all those people. “I thought you loved that kind of thing.” Sam works himself into a lather as he does the mental math. Unsinking the Titanic didn’t just save the people on board. It created 50,000 more people and an infinite number of interactions each with their own consequences. “You totally Butterfly Effected history!”

“Dude. Rule 1: No Kutcher references.”

Sadly, in the unsunken!verse there’s still an Ashton Kutcher whom I still want to punch in the throat. The boys still averted the Apocalypse and there are still archangels. “It’s just the small details that are different.” In this reality you can walk into a movie theatre and buy a beer. The US has always had the metric system. Dean doesn’t drive an Impala. “Yes, yes, ‘what’s an Impala’, trust me, it’s not important.” THE HELL YOU SAY, HEATHEN! Balthazar tries to distract me from my outrage by pointing out another small but significant difference – “Ellen and Jo are alive. You see, I save a boat, one thing leads to another which leads to another thousand things and yadda yadda yadda they don’t die in a massive explosion.” Sam focuses on the job, trying to push away the horrible idea of losing Ellen and Jo in this or any reality. Someone is trying to kill the descendants of the Titantic survivors, and they need to save as many of them as they can. Add the Winchester family statement of purpose to the list of things that remain unchanged. Sadly, they have Balthazar confused with someone who cares. “The other angel? You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you?” HAH! Clearly slash-fic is alive and well in this ‘verse too.

The new information tracks with Bobby’s research, and confirms his theory that they’re dealing with Fate personified. He reacts badly to Ellen’s offhand observation that the easiest fix is to resink the boat. “Right now they’re all dying bloody. It’s not the same as never being born.” Bobby agreed with her a few hours ago, but not now. “You’re talking about people. People who are loved. Who’d be missed.” Now he has Ellen’s full attention. He can tell her what’s wrong or she can beat it out of him. “Dealer’s choice.” I’m fairly certain that there’s not a character on this show that Ellen couldn’t take in a street fight. LOVE HER! Bobby breaks out the bourbon and fills her in, reassuring her that the boat isn’t going to sink. She doesn’t have to worry. Ellen’s gob smacked, but she’s far too pragmatic to wring her hands over her maybe fate. “If it was meant to be, then … … I guess whatever happens, happens.”

TWICE! TWICE IN ONE WEEK!! I swear, if Boone drops that line on TVD I am going to take it as a personal shout out. Moving on …

Bobby argues the viewpoint of Team Free Will. Nothing is meant to be. He refuses to accept that their lives turn on the whim of an angel. But it’s so much more than that. “We need you. Especially me.” The camera pulls back to frame the couple sitting together at the kitchen table. Ellen reaches out to stroke Bobby’s cheek, trying to quiet his fears. I think I have something in my eye …

In Chester, the boys decide to focus their energies on saving the one Titanic descendant they already know about. Try as they might though, their efforts only seem to put Shawn Russo in more danger. He narrowly avoids being run down by a minivan only to step into the path of an oncoming city bus. That is going to leave a mark … Sam and Dean can only watch in horror, stunned that Fate managed to take another one right in front of them. Dean tries to lighten the mood by pointing out the ad for Shawn’s firm on the back of the bus of DEATH! Too soon? “I’m pretty sure six seconds is too soon.” Sam and his b-face glance across the street and catch a glimpse of the librarianish Fate.

“Your kind of librarian or my kind of librarian?”

Sam’s b-face clarifies that she was wearing clothes if that’s what Dean means. Dean suggests that have a talk with her. They’ve got nothing to do with the boat so they’re not on her hit list. They flashlight through a dark and empty restaurant. Fate quietly turns on every burner in the kitchen and stops time just long enough for the room to fill with gas. When the clock restarts, Dean’s flashlight goes on the fritz. “You got a lighter?”

*flick* *flick flick* *flick*

He gets his bic on just as they open the swinging double doors. The room explodes in flame and they’re blown backwards … into a wooded clearing in White Russia. It reminds me of the Fourth of July field from “Dark Side of the Moon”. Fire in the hole! With a note of chagrin Castiel admits that he’s aware of Balthazar and the Titanic situation. While the boys may not have a direct connection to the survivors, Fate still harbors “a certain degree of rage” towards them. It’s nothing of import, but they have managed to “piss Fate off personally. Just the tiny matter of averting the Apocalypse and rendering her obsolete. I think maybe she’s a little irritated about that.” She won’t stop until they’re dead, so Castiel suggests the only logical solution – draw her out and kill her first. Balthazar has a weapon. Dean snarks at the mention of the angel’s name, and Castiel shuts him down. He doesn’t need new friends; he’s just trying to save the ones he already has.

Repatriated to Pennsylvania, the boys set out to meet their Fate. “Just walk. Act natural.” That’s easier said than done when you’re certain that death lurks behind every skate boarder, BMX’er, and dog walker you meet. This short scene is hilarious, and Jensen and Jared do a wonderful job of physically conveying Dean and Sam’s anxiety. Well played, boys. Of course, the first round of obstacles is nothing compared to what they walk up on next. “Sam they’re juggling knives … and hatchets!” The street entertainers put those down and take up flaming batons of death! Sam shrugs and tries to put a brave face on. “Can’t avoid fate.” They each close their eyes, hitch up their skirts, and literally walk through the fire. Hee. They round the corner onto the Main Street of Death from “Mystery Spot” and make it safely past a construction worker and his malfunctioning nail gun. Annoyance is beginning to creep into their anxiety. “Who you gotta kill to get killed around here?” They look up at the sound of a loud metallic POP to see an industrial sized air conditioning unit tumbling towards them. It stops – time stops – and Castiel walks into the frozen scene. He attempts to make nice with Atropos, but she’s not having it. She looks well? “I look like stomped over crap because of you.” Castiel and his two “circus clowns” destroyed her work and ruined her life. God gave her a job. She had a script until they decided to throw out the book. What the world has now isn’t freedom, it’s chaos. Her fury is coupled with a fear of the unknown. She doesn’t know what happens next. “I need to know, it’s what I do!” Castiel coldly tells her that her services are no longer required. Atropos isn’t packing up her desk without a fight. It’s one thing to change the future, it’s another to change the past. That is going too far. The Titanic didn’t survive on a whim. Balthazar is under Castiel’s orders. She sees right through his wan denials. He’s in the middle of a war, and he’s desperate. “This is about the souls. That angel went and created 50,000 new souls for your war machine. You can’t just mint money, Castiel. It’s wrong. It’s dangerous. And I won’t let you.” Castiel is so very weary. He’s been in the field for such a long time and his side never seems to gain any ground. Atropos promises to open up another front if he doesn’t have the boat resunk. “I’m going to kill your two favorite pets.” If she doesn’t get them, one of her two sisters will. “They’re bigger in every sense of the word. Kill me? Sam and Dean are target one for simple vengeance.” Castiel considers her words and the truth behind them, and orders Balthazar to stop. Atropos turns to see him behind her, hand hovering over her head with a shiny dagger in the other.

“Ah. Awkward. Heh.”

Time restarts and the AC unit crashes onto empty pavement.

Dean jerks awake in the front seat of the Impala, instinctively looking up and raising a protective arm. As he slowly reorients he realizes that Celine Dion’s heart is going on from the car’s radio. Hee. He and Sam slowly crawl out of the car suffering from the worst sleep hangover of all time. As they compare notes from their weird dreams they realize they had the same dream. “Why are you having my dreams, dude??” Castiel explains it wasn’t a dream, but everything has been corrected and put right. “It was the only way to be sure you were safe.” Sam has trouble processing the fact that the angel just killed 50,000 people for their sake. Castiel corrects him, but there’s not much conviction in his voice. “They were never born. That’s far different from being killed, wouldn’t you say?” As for Ellen and Jo … he’s sorry. Dean needs to lean on Metallicar for support as he tries to make all the pieces make sense. If the timeline was erased – if it never happened – then why do they both remember? Castiel wants them to. He wants them to know who Fate really is. “You’re the one who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You don’t have to be ruled by Fate. You can choose freedom. I still believe that that’s something worth fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that.” There’s one small detail that’s still bothering Dean. “Did Balthazar really unravel the sweater over a chick flick?” He readily accepts Castiel’s awkward agreement because why would the angel lie to them? He leaves the boys to their discussion of Kate Winslet’s … assets. As they head inside Dean raps on the Impala’s hood, glad to have his baby back where she belongs.

In the library Bobby is finally asleep and things are back to normal. They agree not to tell him about the alternate timeline, and the life he had with Ellen. “He’s bad enough with her. Imagine how he’d be if she was gone.” Dean turns out the reading light and pulls a blanket over Bobby. “Normal. Awesome.”

Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate.