DOWRY - THE SIKH PERSPECTIVE

A dowry (Daaj or Dahej) is a form of payment made by the wife's
family to the husband's family. It may include money, gifts, property, and
other belongings that the wife brings to her husband as her marriage payment.
In certain cultures, it is the groom who makes payment to the bride's family.

The dowry system as a quantifiable offering in a marriage has existed throughout
the world. In the middle ages in Europe, for instance, when a couple were to
marry the bride and her family would give a dowry to the groom, which generally
consisted of land, money or other articles. The amount of dowry generally depended
on the relative status of the girl's family. For example, in 1662 Charles of
England was given the Indian city of Bombay as a dowry for marrying Catherine
of Braganza of Portugal. At that time the city of Bombay was under the control
of the Portuguese.

In one form or other, currently the dowry system exists in many parts of the
world, particularly in most part of South Asia and Africa. Although the dowry
is not rooted solely to Indian culture, it is widely prevalent in India at the
present time. The dowry system has been outlawed since the enactment of the
1961 Dowry Prohibition Act in India's Penal Code (amended in 1984 and 1986).
However, contrary to Indian Law, it is on the increase as a culturally sanctioned
and socially structured practice.

Today the dowry system in India has become one of the majority evils
in the society. The inability for a wife and her family to meet the dowry
demands of the husband and his family are responsible for the domestic
violence in the early years of marriage and also thousands of dowry related
murders known as "dowry deaths".

Out of all of this, many incidents happen as follows. Usually the husband's
family is never satisfied with the amount of dowry his wife brings in as
marriage payments. As a result, soon after the marriage, the husband and
his parents start demanding that the wife gives more money or property.
If she and her parents resist the additional demands or if they have nothing
left, then she gets beaten up, psychologically tortured, murdered or burnt
to death by the so called mysterious "kitchen fires". In many cases women
commit suicide or they become deserted by their husbands.

Like many systems, originally the dowry system had good intentions in that
it was specifically designed as a safety net for the woman. The money, gifts,
property, and other belongings given solely to the woman by her parents at the
time of marriage, an inheritance, was meant to exclusively remain with the woman.
Under the spell of evil passions, however, the original intentions of the dowry
has been abused to the extent that it has led to the total erosion of its intended
function. Consequently, the custom has been corrupted to the extent that it
has become a price tag for the groom and death noose for the bride. Depending
on the qualifications, profession, education, and income of the groom, the price
tag skyrockets. With higher education (doctors, engineers, etc.), some consider
it their divine right to get a "fat" dowry. High expectations of dowry have
led to abortions of female fetuses, and many poor families resorting to female
infanticide for the fear of not being able to provide dowry.

Present in all levels of the society, the dowry system has exasperated the
hierarchical lower status of woman. In addition to dowry system, for centuries
women in India have been systematically downgraded by many ways. For example,
they have been deprived of education (material and spiritual) and equal rights
for property and inheritance; they have been subjected to the evil of caste
system (Jaat-Paat) and economic oppression; they have been falsely labeled
by the priest class as spiritually "impure" due to menstruation; and so on.
This sort of attitude towards woman has promoted social degradation of the status
of women as well as social inequality between man and woman.As a result,
the attitude towards women as subordinate remains not only in India but throughout
the world. In some cultures and religions it's worse than others.

The Root Cause Of Social Evils

Why people participate in such heinous and gruesome practices in the first
place? The underlying cause of such social evils is the ignorance of one's True
Nature, the Pure Self. In fact man's false ego born out of this ignorance is
the cause of his birth and the birth of his phenomenal world of names and gross
objects. This false ego-sense is said to be the mother of man's all material
concepts. It causes man to succumb to selfishness, corruption, frauds, deception
and falsehood. When so deluded, one's false ego exhibits demoniac instincts.

The first perverted son of this materially conditioned false ego is Kaam,
which essentially means lust, desires, craving, Vaasnaas, etc. In the
guise of fulfilling one's material needs, ego lures man to continuously seeking
of sense gratification. Therefore, the Kaam is the compelling desire
to indulge in sensory temptations. When the Kaam or desire gets fulfilled,
it gives rise to more desires! However, if it does not get fulfilled, then it
manifests into anger (Krodh). Thus anger is the second perverted son
of ego. The inflated ego makes one enslaved to his whims, likes and dislikes,
covetousness, averse, acquisitiveness, etc. This is Lobh (greed), the
third perverted son of ego. The greed leads man to stealing, dishonesty, cheating,
and self-surfeit at the expense of the well being of others. The Moh
is the fourth perverted son of ego - the emotional attachment of this ego to
mundane objects, causing the mind to lose its wisdom. The Ahankaar or
pride is the fifth perverted son of ego which makes the mind narrow and limited.
It gives rise to arrogance, haughtiness, self-conceit, etc. Enviousness or jealously
towards others is the sixth perverted son of ego. One who is jealous or envious
of others feels painful and resentful at their betterment, and would feel happy
only when some miseries befall on them. The false ego always gets hurt upon
seeing others enjoying an advantage. Yet there is a seventh perverted son of
ego whose name is also mentioned in the scriptures, that is, the stubborn mindedness.
The stubborn mindedness (Mann-Hatha) is the lack of spiritual wisdom,
understanding, earnestness, and so on. It is synonymous to the state of self-will,
unbelief, affliction, hardness of heart, impenitence, reprobacy, heinousness,
fanaticism, crookedness, evil-mindedness, mental-weakness, immaturity, stupor,
obstinate error, and raw or undisciplined mind. Such person, although, may be
aware of acting, but he is utterly ignorant being. Thus, the meaning, function,
and outcome of stubborn mindedness is totally opposite to the Divine qualities.

Status Of Woman In Sikhi:

Yogis call woman as "Narak ghor kaa dwaaraa", meaning that
the woman is "the doorway leading to the most rigorous hell". In contrast
to Yogis, The Gurbani says:

Uprooting of the evil from the society is the purpose of religions. If any
religion is empty of this central purpose then that religion is bogus. Therefore,
genuine religion is that which teaches living entities as to what actions will
bring them Eternal Freedom (Mukti) from evil-mindedness, and what actions
will bring them Total Perfection. Thus, a religion is not a declaration of noble
objectives, it is an action to fulfill such objectives.

Is the material dowry allowed in Sikhi? What is the Gurbani's position
on this social evil of dowry? Does the Gurmat (Divine Teaching of the
Gurbani) provide answer to this important question? If yes, are we aware of
the Gurbani's position and its teaching in this context?

All Sikh Masters were the great reformers. They worked to reform and redefine
the social and religious fabric of the human society. They made men and women
equal partners and showed them the path on which both could walk to meet their
material needs, and then advance to achieve the spiritual prosperity. To reawaken
women and uplift their status in the society, plenty of feminine symbols have
been used in Gurbani in this context.

The system of material dowry has been condemned in the Gurmat (the knowledge
of the Gurbani). According to the Gurbani, that person who accepts or offers
a material dowry should be known as a Manmukh (spiritually ignorant or
material-being). In spite of such stern condemnation of the dowry system, still
the majority of Sikhs indulge in this demoniac practice. Why? It's because the
most of us are devoid of the Divine Wisdom of the Gur-Shabad as well
as the true meaning of the words "Sikh" and "Khaalsaa". As a result, the majority
of us are caught in the spell of evil passions, and, thereby, act as Manmukhs
(material or egoistic beings).

In the Gurmat, the Jeeva (individual being) asks her Father for giving her only the Divine Name (Gur-Giaan, Aatam-Giaan, Shabad-Giaan ...) as her wedding gift / dowry. Nothing else.
As declared in the Gurbani, asking for or offering of any mundane dowry / gift other than the Divine Name is a false show of once false ego-sense (Haumai) - Manmukhtaa, greed ...

The Gurmat cannot be more clear than this. The illusion is created by our
ignorance. The Gurbani affirms that if one tries to understand, realize and comprehend
the sublime meaning of the Gur-Shabad than he will know that without the
Divine Name everything else is ignorance or babbling in false ego.

Now, perhaps we can appreciate the fact that it's very easy for someone to
call himself a Sikh or a Khaalsaa, but very difficult to be one! These names
represent the Self-realized state one has to reach. As proclaimed in the Gurbani,
the true ones are very few and far in between! Why? Because the majority of
us have our minds switched off from the Intuitive Understanding of the Gur-Shabad.
As declared in the Gurbani, nobody can become a true Sikh or a Khaalsaa without
realizing the Self. Because, to be a true Sikh or a Khaalsaa is not a question
of heredity, family of birth, ancestry, race, region, social status, caste,
creed, education, titles, religion or any peculiar external appearance of a
person; it is a question of Self-realization!!
Khaalas - or khalas - simply means pure. In this context, consider the following verses:

ਸੋ ਗੁਰੂ ਸੋ ਸਿਖੁ ਹੈ ਭਾਈ ਜਿਸੁ ਜੋਤੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਮਿਲਾਇ ॥: So guroo so sikh hai bhaaee jin joti jot milaai: O Brother! He is the Guroo and he is the Sikh, who has merged his light in the Light (i.e., who has become one with his Mool…). (sggs 602).

Thus, a true Sikh only asks for Spiritual dowry — The Lord's Name (Naam: Aatam Giaan) as the "Gift",
the Name as the "clothes", and the Name as the "Glory".
Such dowry being Eternal in nature is sure to bestow on the sincere soul-bride
the True Happiness. Because, as the Gurbani says, no other dowry is equal to it.