Mindfulness is for everyone, especially leaders

We are well aware that our bodies can be trained to make us healthier, flexible and stronger. We now know from neuroscience research that there is mindfulness training can cultivate and strengthen our mind’s capacities. Mindfulness is something we all have naturally, but it is more easily tapped into when we practice on a daily basis. Mindfulness lights up parts of our brains that aren’t normally activated when we’re mindlessly running on autopilot.
According to the Institute for Mindful Leadership, mindfulness practice can strengthen and cultivate four hallmarks of leadership excellence-focus, clarity, creativity and compassion. I have been working with some clients in developing a mindfulness practice and we begin with these steps:

#1. Set aside some time to be mindful.

Even 10 minutes. Best if you do it first thing in the morning while your creativity is at its most free. But you can do it over coffee, or lunch, or walking from one meeting to another. Make time. You don’t need special cushions.

#2. Observe the moment you’re in that you’ve chosen to get mindful.

Mindfulness is not stopping all your thoughts, or attempting to achieve a state of calm. The goal is actually simple: we’re attempting to pay attention to the present moment, without judgement

#3. Thoughts will come and go

Let them pass by. And if you end up following them? When you catch yourself, bring yourself back without judgment of them or of you.

#4 Return to the present moment

Observe the moment as it is right now. What you’re thinking, feeling. Where you’re sitting or walking. Feeling your breathing in and out. Over and over, this is the practice.

This is the work. Just this. Here and now.

It sounds simple, but it isn’t always easy. Let the mind stay focused here and now. Don’t get discouraged when your mind goes off – that’s why this is a discipline, a practice. Mindfulness isn’t about “fixing” you, and it’s not about stopping your thoughts.

Meditation and Mindfulness

You can use meditation practice as a way to practice mindfulness too. There are a couple of ways to do this:

We start with focusing on the breath as a way to anchor your mind in the moment by focusing in on breathing in and out. I suggest that you focus on where you feel the breath in your body, in your nostrils, whether it’s warm or cold, do you feel your diaphram against the chairback. When your mind wanders and you notice it, just say “wandering” and bring it back to the breath. Be kind to yourself in this process. Find a sense of ease and well-being in this moment of breathing and being present.

We also use the mind to focus by moving through our body from our feet to our head, and seeing where there is tension. Just bring the mind back to the sensations of breathing, or of our bodily tensions. No expectations or judgments, just noticing each thing.

Mindfulness can help you enjoy a cup of tea more fully, walk mindfully down the hall to your next meeting and be more present, have a more engaging conversation, or wind down for a relaxing night’s sleep. And that feels like it might a practice worth doing.

Grankseeking seems easy – they have to give the money away, right? If you’re planning on visiting a foundation to ask for funding for your program, your nonprofit, your project, prepare to bypass these grantseeking pitfalls that are easily avoided. Program officers are people who have the unenviable position of rejecting some 50% of the grants that they’ve agreed to accept. Why make it easy for them to reject your proposal? Here are some tips to consider beforehand:

Did you follow the directions on the website for what format to follow?

Or did you decide that section wasn’t that important to answeer. (Hint: if you don’t have an evaluation plan, don’t submit until you’ve worked one out. Consider paying an actual evaluator for a couple of hours to talk through some ideas.) When you are grantseeking, make sure you check the website for how they want to be approached. And don’t send a full proposal if they prefer a letter of intent first.

If you got a grant previously from the funder, did you submit the final report?

I once accompanied an executive director, who was new at an organization, to a foundation who had pr
eviously funded them. She was excoriated by the foundation for not submitting the final report for the previous grant, and trust me, that’s not how you want your visit to go. And don’t make the funder remind you that the interim report is due. You could use it as an opportunity to tell the funder what great things are happening in your project! It’s your legal responsibility: you promised to do certain things in exchange for money.

Your funder is a professional, so you need to be one too.

Funders want to get to know you as a person and a leader. Please be professional. This is not the time to lecture them about not funding you in the last grant cycle. Or complain, whine, or show your anger. You want to turn the program officer into a passionate advocate for your cause. Why? Because they have to present on your behalf to their board. Give them all the information they need to do it. Show you have thought through your methodology and understand your cause better than anyone else.

Create trust

Grankseeking is more than writing the grant. Showing that you’re dedicated, competent, and someone who will get done what you say you will do, will take you far. If you spend the money other than what you say you will spend it on, don’t expect them to trust you the next time around. Of course things change, but communicate with the funder to let them know when major budget items change, don’t just assume it will be okay. Dependability and accountability – they want to know that investing in your nonprofit will pay off in real social impact.

When grantseeking, tell the truth

You might think it’s okay to list 3 other foundations that are interested in supporting your project because you’ve sent letters of intent to them, but it’s not. Guess what – funders talk to each other when they’re considering your proposal. They’ll call and find out that in fact that funder doesn’t know anything about you or the project. Instead, let them know who you’ve identified that expressed interested in your project, who else you are planning to talk to, and who has approved funding. When grantseeking, you might be surprised that the funder might offer to help by making a call themselves founders you’re approaching.

If you are turned down, reach out to find out WHY

Even if you were invited to submit a proposal, and you worked hard to meet the required demands, kept it within budget the funder wanted to see, and submitted all attachments, it was still just an invitation and it could be turned down. Take a deep breath, and call to see if you can find out why. It might be that they had more competition in your area than expected, or wanted to more deeply invest in a competitors proposal. Maybe the competitions proposal was more detailed in terms of methodology. Maybe it was just favortism, because that happens too. If they won’t respond to your request for more information, be sure to visit their website and look at recent grants to see what did get funded.

Freelancing is harder than it looks. Conversations with freelancers these days always seem to begin with reports on what they’ve doing. And then, how busy they are, which triggers statements of overwhelm and fatigue. Yet when I ask them how they are feeling, people start talking about anxiety and even depression.

Freelancing produces anxiety for most freelancers I know.

With the freelancers I coach, the conversation almost always begins with a description of their “circle of anxiety.” It usually revolves around the feeling of needing to do more, and catastrophizing about what will happen if they don’t get that next gig, or work 12 hour days. They compare themselves to hamsters on a wheel running faster and
forgetting to jump off to eat or sleep. And when they do, they’re snapping at their partners and kids, or interrupting date night to check emails. While your experience might not be quite this fevered, you may find that you’re unable to think creatively about solutions to improve your offerings.

Freelancing means you also have to manage your own business: marketing, web, bookings, and more. The challenge for freelancers is that your time = your money. Your work depends solely on you doing the work. Freelancers generally don’t have systems that work for them when they’re not working. Because your time equals your money, it can create a cap on much income you can create.

Freelancers need to make space in their calendar for thinking like an entrepreneur.

Being a freelancer can be risky. If you took yourself out of the business, would it still work? What happens when you’re sick?

Freelancers tend to think of their services very narrowly. And that thinking tends to narrow the type of work they take on. Entrepreneurial thinking means seeing opportunities to meet a customer need with a new service or product. One idea can change everything.

Many freelancers start with a side project of some sort as a source of extra income. Sometimes those side projects take on a life of their own. Set a goal to increase your virtual offerings or courses, hire other freelancers to deliver some of the work, become a multiple business owner, or develop unique product and service offerings. These can lead you toward being a freelancing business that can sustain you in lean times.

8 Steps to thinking like an entrepreneur

So, how can you manage your day to make time for building new creative endeavors that generate income?

Time blocks on your calendar weekly are a great tool. Get off the hamster wheel!

Get some mindfulness practice going in the first 10 minutes of the timeblock to release the anxiety thoughts and refocus on the brain into the moment. It’s important to think deeply about things and train the brain to work at a deeper level.

Make your own learning a priority. Learning new things generates new thoughts and skills.

Find people, other thinkers to introduce yourself too to create new sparks.

Make a list of possible solutions to client problems.

Think about what you are passionate about and jot some notes for exploration.

Stuck for ideas? Analyze other sucessful freelancing companies and try to figure out why what they did worked – not the usual stuff, but what was unusual about it?

Work with a coach who can help you remove limiting blocks that keep you from making the most of challenges and opportunities.

Finally, when you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed, ask yourself whether it is related to a breakdown or a breakthrough? Start with bringing a reality check to your anxiety. Are you rationalizing feelings of fear rather than facing them, figuring out what is real and what you can let go? Focusing on the 20% of what you can really move along rather than the 80% other stuff is a good place to begin. Start looking at your fears and see what’s real and what’s not. Releasing leads to what’s on the otherside – your next creative money-maker.

Sharing the Power

Leading social-impact organizations requires a type of leadership that puts other first. There are many types of leadership one can choose in our world today. Certain types are touted by business as ‘peak-performing’ or ‘results-oriented’. But social-impact organizations need a different leadership style. Often, those differences in styles create conflict between the executive director and the board.

“Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?”

“And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society? Will they benefit or at least not be further deprived?”

A servant-leader focuses primarily on the growth and well-being of people and the communities to which they belong.

Stephen Covey added that leaders need to build relationships of trust, set up win-win performance agreements; and be a source of help.

Servant-Leaders are those who see their job as serving their staff/board team rather than the other way around.

Servant Leaders are people-focused first – and see staff, clients, donors, stakeholders as who they serve. Here’s how that works in your roles:

Board Chairs serve members best by inviting them to aim high, invoking their passion and best thinking. Board members join to follow a calling to serve. They want to bring their strengths, time and talent to serving the community. They carry external experiences, passion, and networks that contain gems of engagement and wisdom. Thus, Board chairs create an environment of respect, shared accountability, and foster creative discussions where members feel engaged and useful.

Executive Directors make their team feel that they care about them by putting them first. Since staff tend to put their clients and donors first, they tend to overextend themselves. And since staff are on the front lines of service, they often have good ideas on how to best serve. Servant-leaders appreciate the diversity of their staff and board. They allow for the diversity of strengths to manifest through creative approaches to challenges.

Servant-leaders hold a level of respect, patience and time-giving.

As a servant leader, you express care and concern for staff and board members. You show empathy for their challenges. Together, you explore ideas which foster a feeling of bonding, belonging, and ownership of the mission of the organization. Servant leadership leads to participatory decision making but only if trust is present.

Trust comes when people encourage each other to share dissenting opinions. Conflict helps uncover best possible strategies. It also can boost your team’s morale by allowing them to take part in reaching a consensus on decisions and goals. Their opinions and voices feel heard, which will help them buy into changes easier. It creates an environment where fresh ideas or new perspectives allow the organization to pivot. And, it requires skills like listening, sharing, understanding and empowering.

The Golden Rule

This is particularly important in times of stress. Stress is a common in nonprofits struggling with resource flow, and limited human capacity. So, in servant leadership, you practice the Golden Rule — you lead and manage other people the way you would like to be led and managed. You ensure everyone understands their job or board role fully. You offer learning, training, and improvement opportunities. When possible, you discuss capacity initiatives as part of the organization’s growth plan. This is especially important as an idea of stewardship–yes for donors, but also for your board and staff.

Servant leadership elicits peak performance because participation, ideas, and feedback keeps you focused on what really matters – the people. It’s a leadership style that builds a strong culture since it builds respect, trust, and loyalty. This builds optimal responses to the highest possible outcomes for all.

The ABC’s of what to do when you mess-up

As an Executive Director, you are bound to mess-up with your board or staff or even a donor at some point. Distractions, tensions, differences of opinion can lead you to moments that you’re not on top of your game.

I’ve been where you are as an executive director, and also I’ve coached leaders who have also struggled to figure out how to make things right again. What I’ve observed is from personal experience, and from other leaders who struggled with this, is that there a few standard steps to keep in mind that will help you begin to repair and restore those relationships:

Acknowledge: Take Responsibility

I think it goes without saying that this is key to ANY relationship snafu in your life, and it certainly goes a long way here. We may be tempted to hope they didn’t notice, or will let it pass, but they will respect you more if you step up and acknowledge how you’ve messed up or not taken action when you should have.

This step is absolutely key to rebuilding trust with your team, and with your donors.

Be Humble and Non-Defensive

Acknowledging your weaknesses, or that you might have hurt someone opens the door to trust. It shows your humanity rather than yo
ur ego. It helps people remember that they too have made mistakes and creates space for empathy. Importantly, it reminds us that we learn by making mistakes, and that we must be open to making mistakes in order to grow. Ultimately, it lets people know that you value them more than keeping your own ego intact.

Change Your Behavior

If you don’t look at how you messed up, you won’t be able to make good on your word to not let it happen again, consistently — that’s where your challenge lies. To do this, you may need to dig deep within yourself to make some necessary changes — to bring a stronger “you” to the relationship, or be more present in the moment, to make changes to your process. Consider the specifics of what happened and what you can do to prevent it in the future. Repeating the same behavior makes it more difficult for others to forgive you.

Don’t Make Excuses: No Ifs, Ands, or Buts in Owning the Mess-Up

While there may be legitimate reasons for why and how you messed up, in this moment we’re focused on getting away from the negative feelings or frustrations related to the mess-up, but it doesn’t let us create the space needed for repairing the relationship, and doing some listening from the other person on how it impacted them.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t have legitimate reasons for how or why it happened. But providing a rational explanation doesn’t fit in the space of emotion sometimes, and people have a hard time hearing it as anything other than an excuse. It’s really hard to sit with the feelings at this point.

Engage Emotionally with Yourself, and with Others

Take time to become aware and process some of your own feelings about the mess-up. You won’t be able to sit with another’s feelings until you do that. You will then be better able to express empathy and not be overwhelmed with your own experience. This step is critical to really building trust. And it’s the tough work that begins to let people move back toward you rather than away.

Forgive Yourself and Ask for Forgiveness

If you can forgive yourself, you will be better able to forgive others when they mess up. And you will show leadership in how your team, and your board members can recover from their own mistakes. Donors can re-engage at a new commitment if you go through the first 4 steps and be drawn into further support. Asking for forgiveness is an invitation to the other person to communicate and process what has happened. This is the beginning of the work to repair the relationship. And it’s a kind of contract to do better next time, and be accountable to the person to not mess up again.

Asking for forgiveness is an invitation to communicate and process what has happened. This begins the work to repair the relationship.

It takes tremendous self-awareness, and commitment to transforming relationships to do this work. I believe true leaders embrace the capacity to build genuine relationships that are even better after they’ve messed up. They do it by owning and respecting the power of relationships, knowing that they are the foundational support success. As a coach, I know how hard it can be to work through the steps. Call me if you want to talk.

Question: What has been your experience? Please leave a comment below.

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