Coffee Break – Diamond & 18K Yellow Gold Earrings

Finding splurge-worthy earrings for the office can be a challenge beyond your basic pearl/diamond post earrings. You want them to be small enough to be discreet but interesting — beautiful but not distracting. I think these diamond and gold earrings from Georg Jensen fit the bill — they look gorgeous! They’re $1,175 at Saks. Georg Jensen Diamond & 18K Yellow Gold Earrings

I like that a lot! Did you just get a permanant job offer? You deserve a treat! (Yeah, I’m a big help.) I also loved the colorblock heels featured along side it, though, of course, you wouldn’t want to wear them with the dress.

The dress is very pretty but the fabric content is just asking to be wrinkled. It’s 68% rayon, 27% nylon, 5% spandex. I have black pants that are 77% rayon, 20% nylon, 3% spandex and the only thing that will get the wrinkles out is dry cleaning. You know those creases that occur when you sit down, they will stay because of the nylon content. Knowing this I always look at the fabrics before buying clothing and will never again buy something with nylon unless it is a windbreaker.

Just food for thought for you but felt obliged to share my experience with this type of fabric makeup.

Little Lurker, I keep laughing at myself every time I think about your polyvore/pin board comment on the blouse thread from yesterday. I only recently discovered what that even is, like a month ago. For some reason, I refuse to discover new technologies/websites/whatever. I guess I’m not a stereotypical engineering geek? LOL.

How does one shop for estate jewelry, Lisa? I love the idea/concept of it, but I don’t know where to begin. How much less should estate jewelry cost versus a similar item new? I also worry that since I don’t know much about gems, I’d end up with poor quality.

I also would wonder if estate jewelers would be more quick to raise prices in relation to gold fluctuations than manufacturers who sell to retailers. I think they establish standard pricing before things appear in stores.

i assume one would haunt antique shops and/or interesting jewelry shops on 47th street (NYC), but i would love to know the right answer too! i go to estate sales all the time as well, but they rarely have cool jewelry – primarily furniture.

Advice, please. I am newly pregnant and invited to a bachelorette party in 2 weeks. The original party plans involved activities that I could participate in without a problem (i.e., even though were were going out drinking and dancing, I could have gotten away with ordering juice and soda at the bar). Now, because of various logistical issues, the plans have switched so that we are going to a – no kidding – wine and cheese tasting at a local winery. What do I do? I don’t want to cancel because the bride is a really close friend. I can’t drink and – even if I could come up with an excuse for why I am staying away from alcohol – I probably won’t be able to eat most of the cheeses. I really do not want to give the news away yet. Help!

You only have to avoid brie (and any cheese with a rind) if it is unpasteurized (as in, eaten in Europe or smuggled in from Europe.) You don’t want to eat anything live b/c the tiny one doesn’t have the strength to fight the bugs that we do– lisertia is a blip to us we don’t notice but can end things for Tiny. BUT the edict to avoid is outdatedly overcautious– a good thing to be better safe than sorry but now (as in 2003) we (as in, the FDA) know it’s fine if it’s pasteurized. A life without chevre is a life half-lived, and we *Officially* don’t have to live that way anymore.

This is generally true, however, the reason for avoiding them is their lack of pasturazation. In the US, i believe all cheese is required to be pasturized. So if you look at a package of brie, feta etc, you will see it says pasturized milk as the first ingredient. First pregnancy, I avoided cheese because i thought the same thing but learned, talked to dr, and ate cheese the second time. Check with your dr, but its safe to eat cheese here.

Surely there is some diet out there (South Beach? Paleo?) that would provide an excuse. You might want to eat some of the crackers or fruit and at least a little of some of the cheeses, so you’ll have to be careful which diet you choose.

The first phase of Dukan!
But, I am not sure that would work because people would just pestor you to break it because it’s such a special occasion. I would just say you had food poisoning when you get there, that you’d love the company, but can’t stomach the cheese or the wine.

Some doctors do allow an occasional glass of wine during pregnancy if you really want to participate. It’s a wine tasting so the pours should be small and spitting out and dumping the wine is allowed. It’s pretty easy to go through an entire wine tasting flight and actually ingest only 5-10 sips of wine.

I would spit the first sip (it’s never good anyway), swallow the second (if it’s good), and nurse the glass (taking fake sips) until it’s time to dump the rest.

You can also quietly ask the person at the winery to only serve you pasteurized cheeses. That’s not an unusual request–kind of like bartenders getting requests for “something that only looks alcoholic.”

People keep posting that unpasteurized cheeses are illegal in the US, but how is this true? I can buy dozens of different kinds of raw milk cheeses, both imported and domestic, at my local grocery store (in a rural part of the northeast).

This is a local government thing as well — in my Midwestern state, there are many artisanal brands that make raw milk cheese, but they are actively fighting Big Agriculture to allow them to still exist.

I generally support pasteurization — just note that this battle is totally about money and branding as much as it’s about health.

Are there events after the wine/cheese tasting? You could always meet up afterwards.

Many doctors now say some alcohol is fine when pregnant. You could probably get a way with a few sips of each wine poured and a small bite of the hard cheeses. If anyone questions your smaller portions, you can always use any of the covers people have already suggested (big event the next day, not feeling well etc…).

I have certainly been to dinners recently with pregnant women who have wine or beer to drink. Most will limit themselves to one glass and only every once in a while. I’ve even been out with one woman who had two glasses of wine with dinner but, then again, she owned part of the winery we were at and said it was a big night for her and that she was splurging on something she had denying herself for quite some time despite the fact that she worked with it every day.

As for the cheese… you could discretely ask the staff at the winery in advance whether the cheeses to be sampled are pasteurized. You could either call in advance or pull someone aside privately right before the tasting starts.

(ps – before people yell at me for suggesting a pregnant woman drink wine… I know that it is completly up to her and her doctor on whether or not this is acceptable. I am not a medical professional and am only relaying what I have been told and seen during my recent pregnancy. My doctor has told me small amounts of alcohol are fine. It is most definitely up to her level of comfort and the advice of her personal medical provider.)

It says on every label. It’s not a mystery, it’s a matter of law and of official govt reccs– cheese it up. Please don’t let anyone think cheese is dangerous for pregnant women– there are so may things we get bugged and scolded and warned about, this is absolutely not something to pile on. Enjoy with pleasure and feed your baby.

Last month my trainer declared it a “fitness month” for his clients/community – one of the rules was no alcohol all month. I did it – just told people that I wasn’t drinking alcohol for July, fitness challenge thing, and drank water and nonalcoholic drinks all month. Beyond a few mild “oh reallys”, no one really cared.

Along similar lines, a yoga “cleanse” got me through this very problem over the summer. The cleanse, which I had done before, so it was more believeable, required No dairy, wheat, eggs, meat, alcohol, sugar, or caffeine. (btw, I felt GREAT, but really missed my daily coffee). Anyway, a program like this, even if only hypothetical, is great for avoiding many of the foods you may want to avoid while pregnant.

I’d cancel, tell your close friend the bride, and take her out to dinner the next day. It’s going to be really hard to go to a wine and cheese tasting with lots of women and not have one of them start running her mouth off about whether you’re pregnant.

You could tell them that you’re on antibiotics and can’t drink alcohol with them (I actually was on antibiotics a few months ago, and with that particular one the doctor warned me that I would be violently ill if I had any alcohol.)

Jewelry related threadjack – how can you tell if you’re allergic to fake jewelry? I’ve always had a problem with earrings, to the point where I have mostly given up and don’t wear them. My earlobes become really sensitive, and I’m very aware of the earrings the entire time I wear them. I realize this isn’t that big of a reaction, and could be simply because I don’t wear earrings that often. However, I just wore a pair of real gold earrings a few weeks ago and didn’t have a problem at all – none that evening or the following day. I might have just answered my own question, but wanted to see if other people had similar experiences!

I get a rash with most metals. They look like little bug bites. I can’t even wear watches because I get a bump anywhere the metal touches my skin. When I did wear earrings, my earlobe would get really swollen.

You’re probably allergic to fake jewelry. I can only wear earrings with the posts made of gold, platinum, or stainless steel. If I don’t, my ears get visibly red and I can’t wear earrings for the next few days. Silver also bothers my ears but that may just be me.

Nope, I’m exactly the same way. I can only put gold or platinum in my ears. Stainless is often coated with some sort of chemical that upsets my ears, and I can’t do silver either. I can do silver necklaces fine. FYI, I avoided getting Tiffany posts b/c I can’t wear silver, but the salesperson told me that all of their posts are white gold and just the ornament is silver.

It’s probably sterling silver, which is what most silver jewelry is made from. Sterling is 92.5% silver, and the rest is base metal, usually copper. If you can find fine silver, you might not react to it. Stay away from white gold, too, because it’s sometimes alloyed with nickel.

For me, I cannot wear any jewelry with nickel. Apparently, this is a common allergy and, luckily, there are a lot more options out there now for nickel-free jewelry. If it’s nickel free, then it will say it. Otherwise, assume there’s nickel in it.

Target and Kohl’s have inexpensive options. Maybe buy a cheap pair of earrings to see if that’s your specific allergy?

I thought for years I was allergic to anything but gold, but a salesperson at Lou Lou in DC just convinced me to try nickel-free, lead-free earrings. I skeptically bought some, and they’re totally fine! All of Lou Lou’s jewelry is nickel-free and lead-free (but I would expect all jewelry is lead free?) and so cute and so cheap! I definitely recommend their website, though they could use a better web designer: http://www.loulouboutiques.com

Threadjack: I’m a junior tax lawyer and am contemplating moving to Dubai for 2-4 years. I’d love to get anyone’s insight on the legal market, recommendations for a legal recruiter who works in that region, or just thoughts on the expat experience.

Also, on a personal note, I’d be moving in order to join my boyfriend, who’s starting a new job there. We’re in our mid-20s and have been together for only a few months, but we are pretty serious and I could see a future for us. I’m a very cautious person, so the fact I’m even considering this move is significant, but I’m still nervous about it. Can anyone offer advice on how to decide whether to move for a relatively new relationship? Any good/bad experiences?

Wow, Dubai. No recruiting advice, but regarding the relationship … a few months is not very long. Then again, mid-20s is pretty young. Is there anything else about Dubai / living overseas that appeals to you, or are you doing this 100% for the boy? Would you have ever considered this otherwise?

Let’s play Worst Case Scenario … you move there, and in a few months you break up. Would you be devastated that you had left friends/family/etc behind for this relationship? Or are you the type to enjoy the adventure and make the most of it? Do you know anyone else out there, do you have family or friends nearby, would you be able to make the transition back home or elsewhere if you needed to?

And most importantly, have you discussed your expectations and hopes with him? Life is short and living overseas is great, but know thyself.

You might think about some version of a cohabitation agreement, especially if you are going to be living together other there. Even if you don’t write it all up and sign it, it might be good to have an explicit big-girl conversation with him about all the possible outcomes and what you each will do when/if they happen. I move for you, I lose my job, you support me until __. I move for you, I like my job there, you want to come back to the US. Etc. One thing I would NOT recommend is getting married just because you’re going there with him.

The fact that it is Dubai and you are a girl concerns me a little because if you lose your job and then things don’t work out with him, can you rent an apartment as a single woman? Will local employers talk to you?

Another thought is how you’ll be viewed as an unmarried couple living together. While Western cultures think nothing of it, in the Middle East that is still frowned upon. I’m just thinking in terms of safety for you. It won’t be as much of an issue for your boyfriend because they think more of men, not fair but it’s how it is.

And is there any way for you to secure a job over there before you leave? I would look at global companies with offices in Dubai and applying there. You would probably do best to go about job hunting here rather than there. Also, contact your law school and see if there are any alums living/working in Dubai that you can contact.

I’m not a lawyer, so absolutely nothing to contribute to the professional question. As to the personal one–as someone who has made decisions about moving for a relationship–I think what it really comes down to is a consideration of what will happen if you break up. Will you be able to maintain a stable financial and living situation? Will you have the support you need, including some that may need to be nearby? Will you be regretful or angry at yourself for having gotten into this position, or will you be about where you wanted to be regardless of the relationship? I needed positive answers to all of these before moving–and it’s also how you know that it’s “safe” to end the relationship if and when you need to. You never want to find yourself staying with someone because the practicalities of leaving are too scary.

FWIW, I can’t fathom moving to Dubai for someone I’d been dating for only a few months. But what matters more is your own evaluation of the above.

All of you pretty much summed up my worries. I’ve visited Dubai and it’s a fun place, but I never really saw myself living abroad. So realistically, I would be moving 100% to be with him; however, I will be job hunting from here and wouldn’t consider moving before I have a job there.

I don’t know anyone else over there, but I already don’t live near family or friends so that isn’t a huge consideration for me. If I were to lose my job, I’d probably just move back to the U.S. If we broke up, I’m fairly certain I could rent an apartment there as a single woman, but again I’d probably start trying to come back here.

I’m aware of the cultural issue with cohabitation, but my understanding is that expats tend to congregate together so it would probably be less of an issue. And maybe if any of the locals ask, he’s my husband? Definitely not planning to get married just because we would be there together.

I’ve brought up the logistical “what if we break up” questions with him, but he is an optimist and thinks everything will work out, so the conversation doesn’t really go anywhere.

Hi P … your last point would concern me most (he’s an optimist, thinks everything will work out, conversation doesn’t go anywhere). You clearly think this relationship has potential, hence the potential move, but if he can’t/won’t/doesn’t feel it’s necessary to talk about the risks and benefits and etc. with you … that kinda tells me that he’s not going to be ready for a serious conversation/commitment in the very near future, either.

Agreed. I think P could say something like “It’s very sweet that you can’t picture us breaking up, and I really want this to work out too. However, I’m really not comfortable making this huge a change in my life without us talking seriously about all the possibilities, including the ones we don’t welcome.” If he really wants you to come, he will respect that and go over everything carefully, and then stick to it, because it’s what you need. Otherwise, I’d be pretty concerned about maturity issues. Even if he is your one and only, difficult things are going to come up along the way, and you can’t deal with them all on your own.

Thanks. I think I do need to try bringing this up again along the lines Monday suggests, so that I can determine whether he’s able to discuss difficult issues or if there are maturity/commitment issues here. (Honestly, since I don’t actually enjoy the prospect of having this discussion, I haven’t pushed back when he says don’t worry about it, everything will turn out great. So I can certainly see if he just doesn’t want to contemplate bad stuff. But both of us need to have this discussion anyway!)

A few years ago I started dating someone after I accepted a job overseas for 18 months. We were in a relationship for 3-4 months when i left.
We spoke on the phone most days while I was gone, he came for a visit once, and picked me up at the airport when I came back. We are now living happily ever after.
So if you want to go, go (to me living and working overseas was amazing), but if you’re on the fence about it, believe that things will work out the way they should.

I would love to hear more about your experiences… I left the US after dating for ~ 2 months, it’s been 6 months so far and we’ve seen each other 2x, but are only talking once (occasionally 2x) a week for 1-2 hours, and emailing and texting mostly daily. I will be here at least another 6 months, and when/if I move back to the US it will still be to a state cross country from where we met. He seems willing to give it all a go, but I have to wonder if we can actually progress the relationship at the rate/distance we are faced with.

I guess my concern is that I left too early — before we got to the talking daily part, and now (since neither of us are naturally big phone people) we’re stalling.

My sister’s situation started out much like yours. He moved cross country shortly after they started dating, she moved abroad, he moved abroad to another continent. They broke up for a while early after the first move, but then ended up getting back together. The reality is that some people don’t necessarily *need* to talk daily in order to maintain a relationship. I think my sister and her husband probably emailed/gchatted daily, but neither them are particularly phone people or feel the necessity of talking daily about nothing.

It’s hard to give advice! It’s either going to work or it’s not. I know that’s really trite, but in my case it was exactly that. Nothing was forced or really even pre-planned, we just let things take their course.

I’m going to throw in a vote for going to Dubai. You’re in your mid-20s and you’re in love. This could end up being a wonderful adventure in your life — a great beginning to your love story if you stay together, and a great “this is a crazy thing I did when I was 25” story if you don’t. The best thing that could happen is that this dude is indeed the love of your life and you have a wonderful, amazing time living abroad. The worst thing that could happen is you break up, you hate Dubai, and you move back to the States after six months and have to tell prospective employers that Dubai just wasn’t for you and you moved back (not a big deal and perfectly reasonable, in my opinion).

Career-wise, Dubai is pretty Westernized and has a number of international and American law firms. If you can find an international tax position (or American tax law for international companies) you could build a cool niche that will serve you well down the road.

Also, I’ve been to Dubai, and it’s very nice and posh and international with tons of ex-pats.

I’ve read about Dubai many places. It seems unbearable. I thought everyone knew about the slavery, the cruelty, the arrogance, and the heat, the superficiality, the tenuousness of being a female there, the powerlessness of visitors, the deliberate blindness. It’s like an evil Disneyland for adults. Evidently, the OP does not know much about Dubai, but for her sake, I hope to heck she reads this article. No way would I go there under her circumstances. Maybe she can vacay there for a week or two after her sweetheart has established himself, and see how it goes.

OP. Go. We regret the things we don’t do far more than those we do. Go for 3 months or 6 and then reavaluate. Coming back you can discuss your adventure and the culture in interviews. You may be able to find interesting niche work or learn some Arabic that may stand you in good stead later.

We spent a number of years in Abu Dhabi when I was growing up, and it was a wonderful experience. There certainly are challenges, and I’m not discounting the information in the article (and the above post), and I do recognize it would be a very different experience as a professional woman instead of a teenager, but based on my friends that live there now, and the experiences of my parents and their friends back then, I think the Emirates can be a great place to live for a few years. You will certainly meet a lot of interesting people, should be able to find your niche in the expat community, and have some wonderful experiences. Not to mention the travel opportunities you will most certainly have.

Threadjack: My best friend’s mom died two days ago. She’s at home with her father and brother now. I don’t think they’ve made any funeral arrangements, and I’m not sure whether they intend to have a formal funeral or not (not religious). Is it normal to send flowers to their home before finding out about funeral arrangements, or should I wait?

I would wait until the funeral to send a flower arrangement. The last few times I have had a family member pass away and flowers were sent to the house, we spent a ridiculous amount of time and energy loading all the arrangements into the car to take them to the church for the arrangements.

I don’t think flowers would be out of place. However, given your close relationship with them (your best friend, so obviously close) it might be more meaningful to write a card/note, or more helpful/practical to send them food or help coordinate meals, that sort of thing.

The only “risk” to sending flowers before they make arrangements is that they may request that in lieu of flowers, send donations to … that kind of thing. But I don’t think anyone would be offended.

If it’s in the budget, I would send a little something now and do something bigger once you know about the funeral – flowers or a donation to a charity, etc. Would it be possible to make/order dinner for them, send a care package or something else small, just to let your bff know you’re thinking about her and her family?

You can definitely send something directly to their home, but I vote food, not flowers. When we went through this with my father-in-law, several particularly lovely friends sent food stuffs that were much appreciated (one even figured out some way to have a chic-fil-a nugget platter delivered, which was inexplicably wonderful. not sure how she did it, but we ate on that for two days and loved every morsel). Other good ideas are baskets of fruit, etc.

My best guy friend from HS’s mother died two months ago. Because talking about his feelings has always been hard for him, he was a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and offers of comfort he received from EVERYBODY, because we all care about him deeply. It almost made him withdraw even more.

I’m sure you know your best friend well enough to judge, but this is just a quiet reminder from someone who’s lived through this that after you’ve decided on the flowers and the funeral plans, etc., that as the best friend you don’t need to start the conversation every time she tears up. Sometimes it’s important to be the friend who says: let’s go shopping!/have you heard about the Kardashians/whatever happened to Mrs X’s dog/wanna come over and play video games?

What’s that old quote about it’s better to respected than liked? Good for you!!! It took me years to learn that I didn’t have to be — in fact, for my own good should not be — reflexively “nice” in all situations. Crankiness in response to how you’re treated is a signal that there’s something wrong. It’s information, not a character flaw. And responding in “not nice” (a.k.a. appropriately assertive) ways when you’re mistreated is a great way to minimize the chances of it continuing to happen.

These earrings are expensive but not compared to the ones Kim Kardashian lost in the ocean (clip on the Soup). $75,000 per earring. I’ll be honest I wore one earring all day yesterday and no one noticed. It was on purpose too. I couldn’t find the other one in the morning but it matched my outfit so well I thought that the people on the left side of me would like it.

I forgot about it until I got home or I would have switched! Then I saw it and thought people commented on my outfit all day and not one person noticed I had one earring in. I am proud of that pre-coffee decision!

I wouldn’t skip. She is gonna figure out that you did not go b/c of the pregnancy eventually and will say later she would have understood.

Smell, Swirl, and Spit the wine out. If someone says something act like that’s how you were taught to do it. Wine snobs never finish their glass and they sometimes spit. The key is do not act snobby and be lots of fun unless someone asks about the spitting. Then be like oh that’s how I learned. Use some big wine words or something. Then people will naturally avoid the topic. Later of course you redeem yourself as the greatest prego performance in history.

Although I never spit, I bartended at these events before and spitting is common place. Get a soda water to cleanse your palate too. Also, if there is a staple lady server/bartender pull them aside prior and tell them “due to meds, you need to spit, sorry but please keep my spittoon around. Please keep quiet about it because you don’t want to ruin her good time.” If it is a walking tour same thing, but find someone before the tour.

I don’t think anyone would be a cheese pusher, but if they are say you are on a diet and with further questioning tell them it’s a digestive thing. That always changes the subject.

I think you can get away with it. If you don’t want to go because it would make you uncomfortable, then don’t. Make up an excuse. But if she is not the type that would shrug it off, then start googling big wine words girlfriend.

Finally, have a few topics to bring up, her first kiss or her first date or that time you went streaking in the neighbors pond in case you get stuck where snobbing and pooping don’t save you.

I agree with you advice and especially like the part about chat-topic-preparedness. :) To be clear, tho, for us all to note, cheese in the U.S. is fine and healthy for pregnant women, always has been when pasteurized, we just didn’t know until recently, officially since 2003. No controversy, no doubt. Eat up, mamas.