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Iran Accuses US of Invading Iraq; US Issues Denial

Iran today accused the US of invading Iraq over 5 years ago in 2003, and claims that the US has been “deliberately meddling” ever since by “conquering Iraq, by causing and creating wanton bombing and slaughter and refugee flight” in that country, as well as in Afghanistan. Iran, however, a leading oil exporter, did put in a good word for the great increase in oil price that the purported US invasion has created and sustained.

Through its chief spokesman Stan D. Garde, the US denied that it “invaded Iraq in any traditional sense of the word” but instead has made more of a “preventive visit” only to find itself “invited to build a few bases and stay on” by the Green Zone Iraqi government that the US defends from the vast majority of the rest of the country still known as Iraq. As for any refugee flight, reportedly involving millions of Iraqis, the US spokesman acknowledges that there has been some “limited well-advised and optional relocation of Iraqis but that Iraq is a more lean and harmonious nation today because of it.”

Spokesman Garde noted dismissively that he had “no precise figures at hand about Iraqi deaths” and further stated that the matter is “none of the business of Iran,” Iraq’s close neighbor, which also happens to be under threat of US attack. Spokesman Garde said “Good Iranians” have nothing to fear, even as leading US policy advocates proclaim that “Good Americans go to Baghdad, but Real Good Americans go to Tehran” – capital city of Iran. “Besides, we would only visit,” Garde asserts. “Oh sure, we might make a few enduring gestures but nothing particularly permanent, I would think.”

Leading US presidential candidates and perennial war funders J McPummel, B Obomba, and H Coldgun were not immediately available to elaborate upon their related respective positions, though of course Mr. McPummel has talked warmly of a 100 year “visit” in Iraq, while Mr. Obomba has expressed much support for the official US position generally, and Ms. Coldgun has recently pronounced upon the conditions under which she would “obliterate” Iran.

Spokesman Garde responded to reports of young Americans building forts and playing Cowboys and Iraqis and Cowboys and Iranians with a chuckle and nod. “We Americans respect Indians and the like,” Garde explained. “We always have.”