Couple

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Q:Why love hurts?A: Love hurts because we always feel disappointed with our partner behavior or wrong-doing. We judge them by saying that you are always right. Love hurts you the most when your lover makes a silly mistake that normally make you angry or sad but naturally you will forgive them when you think that you love him/her the most. And you will die without them.

Q:Why lover always fight?A: Lover often fights for their egos. They feel like they deserved to be in each other personal life. The life that happen to be likes they are the best among both of them. They set a rule for their partner to follow and the decision always unbalanced.

Q:Does he/she love me?A: Someone that loves someone else will never show how much they love at first. But they will show their love after a few weeks and even after a few months! Do they love you or not is not the question that you should ask. You should ask that question to yourself. Do you love him/her? And that's the point where you will know how much they love you. Kapishe?

Q:Why I always feel he/she loves someone else?A: When falling in love or when having a serious relationship, this feeling always in the air. Jealousy makes more love. Seriously! Some people said that this kind of jealousy make our partner feel so bored. And that's 67% right, but in the other hand, jealousy make we feel more love to share as our or ourselves will love him/her more than ever.

Q:Am I qualified to be with her/him?A: As a normal human being, you should have nerve with not confident. But a smart human being is to be able to adapt or control his/her nerve to be strong and confident with ourselves. All of us have one quality inside that nobody have. And the person who knows the quality is you and only you. Start to appreciate yourself and be confident. You always qualified for someone in this world, as long as you not shy and try. Just be yourself. (period!)

picture from: http://kagenobunshin.blogspot.com/Well, there is definitely nothing wrong with that. What to say, we are human after all, creature of great emotions. There is no way we can stop that very love chemical from producing and pumping within us. It is just very natural for one to develop a liking for another opposite sex especially when they are just physically attractive in appearance too.And not to mention that when the both are also getting along very well with one another?

In our interactions with one another, there just couldn't be only one but many others opposite sex whom we would meet. And very often, we would just develop a liking for some of them, sometimes even more than just two. That is life. Life is just full of choices. But then again, what is the meaning of choice?

Very simple, it means having to make a decision over which to choose and in this case whom to be choosing, choosing the one whom you are going to love. Yup, there is nothing wrong with fallen in love with more than one person as long as at the end of the day, you make your choice. And to be able to truly experience some real love, you have to.

Yes, it is only when you are physically into a real relationship will you be able to then acquire and truly experience that real joyfulness and sweetness of being in love.

Even a child understands this. Recall your childhood. I should believe that you have experienced wanting just everything when you were at the toy store. Everything just seem so fascinating to you then, wasn't it? So you cried and bet for your mum and dad to buy them for you.

And very often, you are only given the choice of choosing only one. But you refused the offer and continue to cry hoping you would be able to just get everything.

And what happened in the end? You ended up with nothing at all.

Well, we can't of course deny that facts that some lucky kids may get more than just one of what they beg for. But at the end of the day, for all of the toys they have got, he or she would eventually like one of them best, isn't it?

If as a kid back then, you were able to make that decision over which toys to choose, why is it you can't now? Not able to make up your mind over whom to choose? Think about it. You certainly want to be able to experience some great and just fantastic love, don't you? Remember, you can't have the best of the both worlds and that is for sure. Just like choosing your toys, you have to make that decision over whom to choose and only then will you have the chance to get to enjoy that wonderfulness of being in love.

Believe me, things may seem great and wonderful at first having the companionship of more than just one. But it is just all of a short-term happiness. At the end of the day, the one losing out is going to be only you yourself. You will just probably end up with nothing at all, back to loneliness just once again.

If you are not able to control your feeling well, you may unknowingly found yourself falling into the region of lust, hurting someone whom may very possibly be liking you too. I am sure this is something you wouldn't want, right? Now, follow where your heart goes.

Between the both, there will definitely be one whom you will like more. Just give yourself some time…

Remember, the longer you drag this things, the worse will the situation become.

And in the end, you might not only be hurting those who truly love you but also yourself too. When you have to choose, you just have to. Having choices is always better than having none at all, isn't it?

Now, not many may be as fortunate as you. So, don't lose that chance when you have it. Work things the smart way. Learn to cherish what you have…

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Rules To Love: Preventing AffairsRules to avoid future heartbreak...

Each week, I sit down to answer my weekly batch of requests for advice. Within a few moments I will invariably unearth the most common relationship problem I've encountered in my time at Lovingyou.com. Wondering what that could be? It seems that over two-thirds of the lovesick and forlorn have problems staying faithful to their partner. I don't mean actual intercourse affairs, but rather what I'd like to refer to as the silent killer, affairs of the heart.

Discovering this fact is not what is most disconcerting to me. The real problem I have is that it is a very rare encounter when someone will actually give this extra-relationship interest the proper weight it deserves. No one seems to ever connect their relationship problems with the fact they have begun an outside interest. It seems impossible to me to be able to ignore the fact that if you are having problems AND you feel you are, or may be, interested in someone else that there is some type of correlation. Usually, you'll find the reason for the problems in the current relationship are BECAUSE of the extra-interest. Not the other way around as so many would like to convince themselves is true.

I could truly go on a very self-indulgent rant on this issue, but that won't change the current climate of romance. What will is a recognized and followed agreement to adhere to some particular procedure when it comes to matters of the unfaithful heart. You can't always control your heartstrings when they are being pulled in a different direction. But, you can make sure you are keeping your love affairs ethical and distinguished, something severely lacking in relationships in this era.

So, I propose a solution for tender hearts everywhere, the "Rules of Love for Preventing Affairs." It incorporates all of the advice I have been giving for the last six years on this site regarding affairs. I believe one of the best ways to be happy is to know you've taken preventative measures against unhappiness. Knowing how you or your partner will behave in a certain situation gives you a certain sense of confidence and freedom in your relationship that many don't experience.

With your partner, talk about the following steps and how you feel about them. Is there anything you would add to them? Can you both agree to follow them? If not, why? The important thing is to talk and find something you both agree on.

Finish this sentence as applies to your relationship:

Being involved with someone else means:a) you are engaging in a physical intimate relationship with someone outside of your current one and/orb) you are engaging in a mental intimate relationship with someone outside of your current one and/orc) you have an emotional interest (from the past or present) towards someone outside of your current relationship.

RULES OF LOVE: AFFAIRS

Do NOT become involved with another person if you are currently committed to someone else. Don't bend the situation to justify your actions. If the person you are with expects you to be with only them, then do that.

If you become interested in someone else:

Cease all contact with them until you have resolved the problems with your current relationship.

Find out why your interest towards your current partner has waned.a. Are you spending enough time with each other?b. Are you looking for an escape or a start over type relationship because of too much bad history?c. Has an outside interest allowed you to think less of your partner?

Decide whether this is repairable.a. Have you talked about your problems?b. Can you find a solution through an outside source?

If repairable, do what is necessary to properly fix your current problems and take measures to avoid them from happening again.

If not, repairable, leave your current relationship.a. Do not see the person you were interested in for at least 30 days after you are on your own again.b. If you still feel you may be truly interested in starting a relationship with this person make sure you take things slowly and that you have truly discovered what factors contributed to the demise of your previous relationships. You don't need to keep making the same mistakes repetitively.

"Books, places, amusements, people - how meaningless they become when we suspect that the person we love loves someone else!" Gerald Brenan (1894 - 1987).

The question of how to handle infidelity in a relationship can be a very hard one to answer, but one that should be dealt with immediately. Otherwise, suspicions can grow from casual wondering thoughts to unconfrontable mountains and resentment very quickly. You deserve someone that is 100% yours and nothing less. At the very least you need to know where you stand so you can make an informed decision about whether there is any future for you in this relationship.

In all cases, open communication with your partner is extremely important and will provide the most effective solutions. Don't let yourself or your partner fall into the trap of holding things back and not talking about the situation, as that, all in itself, will lead to the end of your relationship, whether you physically break up or not.

"Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close (proximity) with someone who has ceased to communicate."Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch

With healthy, open communication, you can create a bond with your partner that is so strong that nothing could break it. Any and all problems that arise can be handled immediately and with fairly little effort as, with communication, there is always plenty of love and trust. That is the ideal scene of any relationship. So, the first thing to do is to talk to your partner and find out if, in fact, you really do have something to worry about.

If what you suspect does in fact turn out to be true, then they really have to make a choice and decide which relationship they are going to pursue. One point that needs to be made here is that in no circumstances should you settle for anything less than a 100% commitment either way from your partner.

Now, in order for them to make a choice, there are a few things that your partner is going to have to honestly evaluate. Have them think about the following questions and then come back to you with a decision.

What does the other person really want?What are their true intentions? When doing this, it is important that your partner trusts his or her own feelings, instincts and experiences with that person.

Evaluate the other relationship.What is the person like as a partner? How do they really treat your partner? Is there a possibility of a lasting relationship? Decide on whether it is a good relationship or not.

What does your current partner want?What are your current partner's true intentions? What do they really want in a relationship?

Evaluate the current relationship.Is this a good relationship? Does it fit the description of the kind of relationship you want? Do they really love you and can you see a future? Was it something in the relationship that caused your partner to stray?

Make a final choice.At this point your partner has to look at all of the data in front of them and make a final choice. If they decide to stay with you, it is up to you to decide whether you can accept it or not. From that point on, you are effectively starting again in the relationship. A broken trust is hard to mend, but not impossible. As long as you are completely honest with each other and work at the relationship, you can overcome any hurdle that crosses your path.

Falling in love was great. Dating was a blast. What happened? How do you get that excitement back into your relationship? Simple…while you were dating, you were learning more about each other, experiencing new things together, and having a lot of fun! You have got to make time to have fun with each other to be happy in love. Busy schedules can take up a lot of time and energy, but investing in your relationship needs to be at the top of your priority list.

One way to bring the energy back into your relationship is to take a class together. Choose something you are both interested in. There are classes for every kind of person, and they are usually scheduled to fit in with any lifestyle. They could be one-time seminars, weekend workshops, or more in-depth classes dedicated to a certain a skill or profession. You could attend one as a date night, a weekend getaway, or make it a regular thing you do together. Classes can be fun, educational, and even sexy! Taking a class together is a great way to gain a new insight into each other's personality, and reconnect as people, friends, and lovers, all while having fun!

Artistic Classes:Acting: Improvisational theater is a great way to learn to step outside of your comfort zone. It could help couples by breaking down their barriers of self-expression and communication. This would also help you to harness the power of body language in communication.

Drawing or Painting: Learn how to communicate and process your thoughts, feelings, and memories in a creative and healthy way. It may turn out to be a way that you communicate your feelings to each other. Art can also be sensual. Imagine posing as a model for your lover or using your lover's body as a canvas.

Ceramics, Pottery, or Sculpting: Going to a single class, or taking a series of ceramic classes can give you a chance to sit and talk while experimenting with your creativity. You may even end up with a beautiful gift for your love, or something you made together! And let's not forget the famous scene in Ghost where making pottery turns into one of the most sensual movie scenes ever made.

Photography: Learn how to capture moments using angles and lighting. Learn tricks on manipulating photogaphs and make your own art prints for your home. Photographing each other can be both a therapeutic and extremely intimate experience that helps you to notice the beauty in each other that you may have taken for granted.

Outdoor Adventure:Horseback Riding is a classically romantic thing to do with your lover, so if you don't know how, find stables in your area that offer lessons. After you learn how, you can take romantic rides with just your partner. Plan an entire day around riding. Start in the morning and explore nearby woods or trails. Take a break to pick flowers or have a picnic before heading back.

Ice skating: There is something so sweet about ice skating with your lover. It's romantic, yet silly and fun. You'll probably get to help each other up from falls and skate around the rink holding hands.

Rock Climbing: Show off your strength and endurance to your lover while you fight your way up a cliff side by side!! /p>

Sky Diving: Take a leap of faith together…out of a plane! For those who enjoy the thrill of risk taking, the experience is sure to be a memory you'll talk about for a long time.

Water Sports: Kayaking, rafting, surfing, and waterskiing are some of the fun water sports that you could learn to do. Water sports are equally loved by men and women, so they are a great way for men and women to enjoy sports together!

A Day of SailingTaking a lady sailing is the perfect way to romance her. Just a few tips from an instructor and you'll be ready to impress. Taking a lesson together is cool too, because you are both learning new skills and it's relatively inexpensive. How about free sailing? If you call local sailing clubs, you can usually arrange free crewing on regatta days. It's a great way to meat new people and sailing skills are not always expected. Lastly, try composing a message in a bottle with your date and send it off together; you may be pleasantly reminded of the date by mail months or years later!--submitted by Marco

Target Shooting: Learning to shoot is really fun. Use already-made targets, posters, or set up an outside course with balloons (water balloons are fun!) to shoot at. Compete with your partner to see who is the better shot and have a reward for the winner!

A Day at the Range As crazy as it sounds, taking a date to a rifle range is very romantic! Don't let her know where you are going, but of course make sure she isn't afraid of guns. Bring or rent a variety of guns. Its a different experience and something she would never expect. I brought my girlfriend to a gun range and had her to shoot some of the guns and she loved it! It was the first time she had ever shot a high powered rifle. This is also very fun when done with other couples.--submitted by Sean

Healthy Living and Physical Fitness:People who are physically active are happier and able to deal with stress better than people who aren't. We don't often think of the state of our bodies as effecting our emotions, but it really does. Introducing healthy living practices into your life can make a lasting difference in the way that you deal with life's challenges as well as giving you more energy to do what you want to do.

Dance: There are many styles to choose from, everything from smooth country line dancing to hot Latin dancing. Any form of dancing your choose is a great way to bring flirting back into your relationship with plenty of touching, eye contact, and opportunity for teasing each other.

Yoga or Tai Chi: Good for the body and mind, these classes are both relaxing and physically challenging. Imagine yourself and your lover on an warm Sunday morning, doing Tai chi before making a healthy breakfast together.

Martial Arts: All forms of martial arts demand focus and practice. Imagine what fun it would be sparring with each other at home!

Health Retreats: Learn healthy living methods like nutrition, fitness, natural health care, and even meditation. The retreats are relaxing and soothing to the mind, body, and soul. /p>

Massage: You can learn techniques from professional masseuses to use on your partner, and relax and heal each other when you need it. Also, you can learn how to use reflexology for pain and stress relief. If you have a baby, consider taking an infant massage class together. No matter the age, people have strong physiological reactions to skin-to-skin contact, suggesting that it is a natural need, not just a desire.

Couples Massage Lesson For our one year anniversary, my boyfriend gave me a gift certificate for a couples' massage lesson. I thought it would be really neat, but it turned out to be so much better then that. We went to the spa, changed into heated bath robes, and drank tea while we waited for the lesson to begin. When it was time for us, we went into a small dark room where a lady put me on the massage table and instructed my boyfriend on how to properly massage my body. She had music playing in the background and it was actually quite romantic, even with her there. After he was done worshipping my body, we switched and I learned to massage him. The entire thing was romantic and erotic all at once. The best part was the woman only helped for a little bit and then left us to do our own thing. I would highly recommend it to everyone.--submitted by Sarah

Skills for Home:Computer: Great for couples who want to get their finances in order or start a home business, these classes teach you how to use different computer programs, or just give you basic knowledege on how to use computers. There are classes for couples who are into photography or art as well. If you are new to the world of computers, than taking a beginners class together would be a great way to spend quality time together.

Cooking: Experience the joy of cooking together. The classes are fun and romantic. Learn anything from southern cooking to gourmet French cooking. Just pop into a restaurant you like and inquire about culinary classes.

Cooking for TwoEvery Friday night, my boyfriend and I cook dinner together. We take our time and enjoy the process of preparing, eating, and cleaning up together. It's special because we know that it is "our" time - no meetings, no homework, no other obligations. I don't know when or how our little ritual started, but it's a special staple in our relationship.--submitted by Jenni

Faith-based Courses: Churches often hold seminars and courses on a variety of things like finances, prayer, studying the Bible, and relationship principals. I recently took the course with my husband called "Crown Ministries" and had amazing results! It teaches people to organize their finances according to the Scriptures, and gives them the tools to achieve financial freedom.

Home Improvement: Classes like deck building or tiling can allow the two of you to begin doing home improvement projects together. What a great way to build trust and bond and friends!

Beer or Wine Making: Once you learn how to do it, you be hooked!! The two of you will be pros in no time, working together to produce your own unique flavors.

Parenting: There are classes on everything from child development to dealing with the terrible twos, even on how to prepare for the temptations your teenager will face. Choosing one that applies to your family will help you to deal with troubled times by helping the two of you to be on the same page with parenting techniques.

Sensual:Sex therapists and other professionals around the world are introducing classes and putting out instructional DVDs and literature on different sensual acts. Classes are offered in groups or as private lessons. Some instructors offer in-home lessons. In the group classes, there are often real couples modeling what to do. Some instructors encourage students to interact with the models, so make sure you do your homework and find one that you are comfortable with. For those who would rather learn these techniques alone with their lover, instructional books and DVDs are great teaching tools. Many people feel insecure about introducing new ways of making love to their partner, but having an instructor or instructions guiding you can really help lift that burden of anxiety.

Erotic Massage: Learn everything you need know about give each other sensual massages like how to use your whole body to massage your lover, where to touch them, and what products to use.

Kama Sutra: In short, Kama Sutra instruction teaches you to adore each other, prolong the sexual tension, use positions to optimize your sexual experience, and bring your partner to orgasm. The method has enhanced many of sex lives all over the world in every culture.

Oral Sex: Yes... there are actual classes on oral sex! Instructors help people feel more confident in their oral sex skills and show them how to enjoy doing it more. Learning techniques together also helps to open up communication about each other's likes and dislikes, bettering your sexual experience all around.

Pole Dancing/Lap Dancing: Along with other forms of foreplay and teasing, these classes are designed to help you feel confident in dancing for your lover.

Tantric Lovemaking: You will learn how to incorporate meditation into your lovemaking as well other instruction on how to be more spiritually connected to your lover.

Learning new things as a couple can help keep the momentum of your love going, breathe life back into a stagnant relationship, and even benefit other areas of your life like your health and finances. Life will be better than ever when the two of you are out having fun together, opening your minds to new things and reaching goals together. Invest time and energy into your relationship and watch it blossom into the exciting love affair you remember.