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When Your Confidence Gets Knocked.

28 June 2017

I never intended to take a month long break from this space of mine. It also wasn't a conscious decision. Something came along though and pulled the rug from under me. I've never been the most confident person and this something took whatever confidence I did have and left with it. I nearly made the decision to not come back here at all. I've had the mouse hovered over the 'delete blog' option on more than one occasion. I couldn't do it though. I have never claimed to be the best writer in the world but Rosy Cheeks & Muddy Feet is my safe place and when push came to shove I just couldn't part with it. I spoke with my sister yesterday and she told me just to sit down and write. To not overthink it.. Just write..

When you get knocked down it's so easy to sit there and pick apart everything. What happened. Why did it happen? For me that then spirals into every other aspect of my life. My self esteem has always been balancing on a knife edge and it's something that I have to intentionally work on daily. I try to never put myself out there, always happy to hide in the background away from attention. I look at Emilie now, at 3 years old and I love her confidence. Her excitement at the smallest of things. At her age she doesn't care what people think. She loves life and she loves hard. That's probably one of my favourite things about children. They're so innocent that they don't see the bad in the world yet. They don't dwell on the past or worry about the future. They live in that moment. I wish they never had to loose that.

This month long break has taught me something though. No matter how many times your confidence gets shaken. No matter how many times you fall down. It doesn't matter, as long as you get back up. I teach that to my kids so I should practice it myself. Deleting this blog probably would have been the easy option but then what? Writing is a part of me. It's something that I've loved since before I can remember. I'm not going to change that just because I had a bad experience.

So here I am. Confidence knocked but my motivation & drive still intact. Onwards and upwards!