a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.b) Nope, no more booze for me.c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.d) No kebab for me, thank you.e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?f) I'm not interested in fighting you.g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

by (few years ago!)

A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, "My husband's home! My husband's home!"

by (few years ago!)

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, 'Was I in here last night?''You certainly were,' replies the barman.'And did I spend a lot of money?''You spent over £100', replies the barman.'Thank god for that,' says the man, 'I thought I'd wasted it.'

by (few years ago!)

by (few years ago!)

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

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