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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Weekly Word~God is on His Throne

I've been struggling with some things lately and haven't been able to put them into words, but I think I have finally gotten to the bottom of things and come to my conclusion, which is this:

God is on His throne.He is my life, my source, my strength.I will trust Him.

So, our dossier is officially in Ethiopia. Can I just say that getting the email from our agency congratulating us on this big step made everything suddenly very...real? I mean, YES! We have put our blood, sweat, tears and a dent in the car trying to compile this dossier with the intention of bringing home two new family members from our beloved Ethiopia, but we are officially waiting to be matched with TWO new children! This is so TOTALLY out of my hands, it's ridiculous!

This same week, our agency also noted that they are officially changing the expected wait time for a single child over the age of two from 4-8 months to 6-12 months. Right. We're not waiting for ONE, but TWO. That being said, our wait time is officially "Well over twelve months." No biggie, right? Wrong.

Onto more "good" news from our agency...they also informed us this week that when the oldest document in our dossier is 2 years old, we must begin RE-DOING our dossier. As in, the entire document that just took us EIGHT MONTHS and hundreds of dollars to compile would need to be REDONE! At this news, (I'm not going to sugarcoat this) I lost it. I wanted OUT...and QUICK! I REFUSE...REFUSE...to redo this document. That sounds MORE THAN HORRIBLE to me. No.

Enter the Enemy.

As we know, Satan will take every opportunity to strike where we are not fully covered with the Armor of God, and oh...he did. OH. HE. DID. He used this "opportunity" to throw in some serious concerns that I have and made me question this entire thing. I have essentially been living in fear for the last two weeks, and it went something like this: We received the aforementioned information from our agency, and then my fear of losing Dallas and being a single mother of FIVE crept up, and I did not know what to DO with that fear. It was constant, ugly, scary! I still have not gotten over it. I don't know what to do with it. I am not sure if there is any truth to it, but I know it's there.

So, flash forward to today...I've been thinking, praying, praying, praying...for the last two weeks or so, and I have come to this conclusion:

I could lose Dallas. Dallas could lose me.BUT...I WANT GOD TO SHAPE ME INTO WHO HE INTENDS ME TO BE!I am okay with the path that HE designed FOR ME!WHO AM I TO TELL THE ALMIGHTY GOD THAT HIS WAY IS WRONG FOR ME?!!His ways ARE BETTER than MY WAYS!HE plans to make me a woman who is more like His Son!HE is JUST.HE is FAIR.I. AM. HIS.

...and I want whatever HE has for me!

It's all for His glory...every last bit.

Right now, I SAY that because it's what I KNOW to be true. I am still very fearful. I still DREAD having to redo our dossier or ANY PART thereof! None of my concerns have been reconciled. I just know that God is on His throne, and I am not. He will shape me into who He wants me to be using the most perfectly designed lessons for ME. I KNOW some of these lessons I DO NOT WANT to have to endure. There are trials and temptations that I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH, but when I come out on the other side refined as pure silver, I will choose to say, "Glory to God."

"The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all...Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul"Psalm 103: 19-22