I’m proud to call myself a card-carrying member of the Lust Army, MILF pornstar Kendra Lust’s legion of rabid fans.

All you need to be a member of the Lust Army is to share our love of Kendra Lust’s big tits and round mound of ass and follow her orders.

Technically, if you’re a member of the Lust Army, Kendra Lust is your boss. Though, I don’t really see Kendra as a boss. She’s more like a golden calf that we worship as our sex Goddess who benevolently shares her sexy body in porn videos so that we may feel that orgasmic euphoria that only Kendra Lust can give us.

You know the old expression, “You can chose your friends but you can’t chose your family”? Well I think it applies just as well to co-workers.

You can’t pick your co-workers (unless you’re involved in the hiring process, but for the purposes of this post I’m just going to assume that you’re not). And like your family, you must put up with their bullshit day in and day out with good-natured humility until you all finally come to the conclusion that you’ll all be much better off if you never see each other again.

In a perfect world where you could pick your co-workers, we’d only have one person we’d want to work with. Nicole Aniston.

You may only know Nicole Aniston from her work as a pornstar, but besides being a smoking hot blonde, we’re convinced she’d make a damn good co-worker.

So in recent news, a Minnesota man working at a hardware store was caught jerking off into his coworker’s coffee in order to get her attention. He later admitted that he had done so twice before since February and had jerked off on her desk a couple of other times too because he was attracted to her. Police later inspected the desk and found the man’s semen all over the place. I could just imagine the semen stains that came up under black light and it’s not a pretty picture. I wonder if he found Chico’s 29 Excuses for Why You Won’t Cum Tonight useful on the days he did it.

I’m not quite sure how she didn’t quite notice the taste of semen in her coffee beforehand. She says she suspected the cream was spoiled but… have you ever tasted salty spoiled cream? Why didn’t she think that was weird?

The man is now facing a 4500$ fine and a possibility of a year in jail. You guys ask me for advice all the time, so I’m just going to impart a little bit more of my wisdom on this topic today, while simultaneously hoping you guys wouldn’t need it:

Do not jerk off into your coworkers’ coffee.

Do not jerk off into any of your coworkers’ food.

Do not jerk off onto your coworker (or anyone) unless you have permission to do so in any way.

Get permission first, then go right ahead and jerk off on whatever you both like.

And if you’re having trouble getting someone’s attention at work…literally just ask them to have lunch with you on their break or buy them a semen-less coffee. Not hard. (Pun intended)

Yesterday (April 23rd, 2014) was Administrative Professionals’ Day. It’s an unofficial holiday observed in all around the world to recognize the work and service of secretaries, administrative assistants, and receptionists. And I think it’s great that secretaries have their own day because it’s a hard job and often their work goes unappreciated.

Also…it’s one of the sexiest professions known to man. I feel like people like to fantasize about sexy secretaries because sexy secretaries are subservient to their bosses. You need copies? Sexy secretaries will make you copies. You need coffee? Sexy secretaries will make you coffee. You need to make a call? Sexy secretaries will make the call for you. You’re having a stressful day at the office? Sexy secretaries will crawl underneath your desk and give you a blowjob to relieve the tension. You’re upset that you have to stay late at the office? Sexy secretaries will make it worthwhile when they let you fuck them on your desk.

What’s not to like about that idea? The fantasy of sexy secretaries is all about power, for most people.

For me, I just like the outfits. What’s not to like about pencil skirts, high heels and white blouses?

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the sexy secretaries of the world by counting down the Top 10 Sexy Secretaries pinned to Sex.com!

For those of us who are more accustomed to working in an office as opposed to banging in one, office sex seems daunting. For example, if I were to have sex in the office, I wouldn’t know where to do it because my office is an open concept loft with lots of windows. It’s a very nice office but I wouldn’t feel comfortable having sex in the office because there’s no where to go for privacy. Sorry I’m such a sensitive lover and not a crazy exhibitionist.

If you’re like me and you don’t know where you would have sex in the office should the opportunity ever arise, then today’s your lucky day. EliteSingles, a UK dating service, has just published a study that examines the most popular places to have sex in an office. Continue Reading

Why do sweatpants always get such a bad rep? You wear sweatpants one time and everyone’s against you. It’s like people want to shame you for wanting to be as comfortable as possible.

Wearing sweatpants to work is always the worst. For some reason they aren’t considered “appropriate” or “professional”. Strangely enough, the “No Sweatpants At Work” rule not only applies to most businesses, government offices, and restaurants, it also applies to porn sets. Continue Reading

How often have you been looking at porn videos or porn pictures set in an office or place of business and thought, “Sex at work? Yeah right! That doesn’t happen in real life.”

As much as I love office porn, real office sex (or wherever you work, not just offices) seems totally impossible because you’re at work. Maybe my work ethic is too strong and I am too deserving of a $500 to $10,000 raise that I could never drop whatever I was working on to have sex*.

For some reason, I thought that everyone else would choose working over sex while at work, but Business Insider‘s new Sex-At-Work survey has revealed that everyone is having sex at work.

If I’m not having sex at work…and you’re not having sex at work…who the heck is having sex at work?

In porn movies, the office is all about sex. No one does any work and they get to have sex on a desk. Wouldn’t it be great if real offices were like that? Believe it or not, the sex based office we know and love from pornography could be coming soon to real life with a new LinkedIn app called “BangWithProfessionals“.

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