5 Reasons Why a Meeting at the Bar Is Superior to Office Meetings

Plus, how to drink during a meeting.

We all agree meetings suck, right? In fact, nowadays I will pretty much only attend one if:

1. Something is actually getting accomplished.

2. Alcohol is being served.

Since the former rarely happens, I always like to, at least, guarantee the latter.

To a certain extent I'm lucky as I work from home. That means I pretty much have to take all my meetings at a so-called "third place." You guessed it, I'm rarely picking a coffee shop or diner. It's perhaps no surprise that, according to Foursquare, "The Office" was found to be the third most common bar name in all of America.

But, there is one rub. If you have meetings at the bar, you're obviously going to have to know how to drink at these meetings.

Before the meeting

At an office you arrive for a meeting and it's usually in a dull conference room, overly lit by fluorescents, a cheap table in its center. This is not what King Arthur had in mind. Some intern might have laid out a tray of strictly unhealthy noshes, but since there's nothing better to do, of course you're going to eat them. Luckily, when a meeting is at a bar, there are far better ways to occupy your pre-meeting time than by cramming cheese danishes in your face.

Unless your meeting is with M.A.D.D., or your parole officer, it's probably fine to have a drink in front of you before the other participant(s) arrives. If this is your first time meeting with them, you'll want to be sipping on an especially cool drink.

Craft beer always works, especially if it's still sunny outside. A cocktail is fine too, though start with lighter fare like a Tom Collins. A martini will always look like you're trying too hard. You should save more boozy options like a Sazerac exclusively for evening meetings. Tiki drinks are obviously out of the question. Wine is fine. A finger of neat whiskey only if you're meeting with someone who wears cowboy boots with a suit.

Whatever the case, be ever so lightly buzzed when your fellow meeting attendees get there. This will guarantee you're more interesting than usual, and will also make even a boring meeting easier to sit through.

During the meeting

Go drink for drink. But stick to whatever genre of alcohol the others at the meeting seem to have tacitly agreed on. You'd look silly to slug piña coladas while everyone else is sipping on chardonnay. If everyone is having beer, don't you dare suggest a pitcher or a bucket. You may save a few bucks, but you're having a meeting, not watching the Stanley Cup playoffs. (We won't even get into the non-alcoholic beer conundrum Obama faced at a meeting a couple weeks ago.)

If your cohort(s) drinks slower than you'd like to drink, try to squeeze in an additional drink if and only if they go to the bathroom. Never forget, though, you're ostensibly trying to accomplish something here. Whether that's to get a deal signed or to get yourself hired for a job. So even if it may be more fun to comment on the Sportscenter bloopers currently playing on the bar TVs, always eventually work the conversation back to brass tacks.

The meeting should be officially declared "over" before you've all ordered your third round. Unless of course, you've yet to get out of the meeting what you truly wanted to get out of it. In that case, by all means keep drinking — and plying your fellow meeters with increasingly more booze — until you've negotiated your way to a slurred "Yes." (Though not to such a point that they won't remember signing a deal with you in the morning.)

After the meeting

Once the meeting is no longer a meeting any more, you have two options. A smart person would call for the check and quickly flee the scene, especially if he or she has already gotten what they wanted out of said meeting. But we're drinkers and we often want "Just one more," even if it's against our better interests. So why not celebrate actually finishing yet another stupid meeting by ordering a round of something a little more interesting than what everyone had previously been drinking. That pricy single malt or añejo tequila. A bottle of champagne. Hell, maybe even some shots.

When the bill comes, treat it like you would a date. Whoever asked for the meeting pays the tab, though let's hope someone brought a corporate card (especially if you ordered that pricy scotch).

Finally, no matter how much fun you're having, no matter how much "solidarity" and "rapport" you've built with your fellow meeting attendees, don't get so drunk that the agreed-upon details of your meeting risk changing. There's never anyone at a bar meeting taking the "minutes."

Oh, and for Pete's sake...don't get so drunk you accidentally end up hooking up with the person you just met with. That will only lead to the absolute worst "meeting" of your life the very next morning.

5 Reasons Why a Meeting at the Bar Is Superior than a Meeting at the Office

1. It's easier to stay awake in a wooden bar stool than in an "ergonomic" desk chair.

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