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Dredging up coverage of sex at CPAC is nothing new. For years leftovers have been shocked, shocked!, that 23 year old gay guys, away from home in the big city at nice hotels with like minded people and a lot of booze go online to hook up with each other – which has led me for two years to post a spoof Craigslist ad:

CPAC – m4m – 43 (National Harbor)

age : 43

Radical libertarian would like to tie up and abuse proglodyte and leftover journalists.

Boys who look like Sally Kohn or Chris Hayes who need to be tied up, slapped around and fucked.

Also any Rick Santorum supporters in the closet or younger versions of Lindsey Graham or John McCain.

Or if you are just a decent constitutionalist type, we can have regular non-hate sex, or even a drink.

Your place

I thought I’d had an oversexed CPAC by Saturday morning – On Friday at CPAC the former Wonkette, Ana Marie Cox, flirted with me. I had media credentials as a blogger and was sitting in the front row of the media section, when a cute, slim, strawberry blond woman asked to sit next to me, at a seat where I was charging my second IPad. I was confused as to why she would need that seat, since I thought the rest of the row was empty (turned out people had left bags or laptops at every seat), so I quizzically said “Sure, I guess…” and Ms. Cox said “Oh, did you think I just wanted to sit by you?” not realizing I suppose that her gaydar is rather faulty. Later, as I recorded the crowd reaction to Rand Paul’s speech with my other IPad, which is what she had swooped in to take notes on, she helpfully pointed out that my arm must be getting tired and C-Span would have it all recorded. I don’t think it crossed her mind I wanted to record the crowd. I started to take her photo but I just recorded a few seconds of her in my Rand Paul video. (I find leftovers often assume you are stupid and that they can explain to you how you might better use your time.) Ms. Cox is famously, among other things, the gal who tittered with Maddow on her show about “teabaggers.”

Then at dinner a libertarian conservative boy told me stories about his hilariously clueless youth not knowing women were coming onto him when they would do things like get into an elevator with him and tell him they weren’t wearing panties. I have now collected enough silly sex stories like this, a fair portion from socially awkward libertarian boys, I may publish them as a paperback.Finally, a drunken grad student girl at the very classy, SCOTUS -adjacent Breitbart party on Capitol Hill (every tall, beautiful opinion commentator from FOX News, champagne flowing until 1 pm, a 10 piece band) gave me a vodka martini, climbed up on me, and ground her pudenda into my Johnson.So I felt that was a pretty sexualized day at CPAC.

But then on Saturday I learned of Rainbow Beaver. You might think this is something cooked up by Angela Keaton of Outright Libertarians at Libertopia, some wild libertarian lesbian rave. It would be closer to say it’s the womens’ auxiliary of GOProud though, since the newly reconstituted, and somewhat more conservative (in its PR approach) GOProud was the target.

Those lovely Catholic homophobe boys who wear red sashes at their booth at CPAC (perfect, I’d imagine, for tying up the wrists and ankles of your lover before pounding his manhole) were circulating a graphic depicting a malevolent rainbow beaver eating one of the legs of Ronald Reagan’s stool of conservatism: family values, free markets, and a strong military. Rich Lowry of National Review went into the stool crap on the panel he shared with reason’s Katherine Mangu-Ward.

Why do these idiot conservatives insist on this metaphor? First of all, “stool” sounds like you are talking about unpleasant medical specimens. Second, a stool has three legs and they often start talking about three stools. Third, this is not conceptual thought – it’s like idiot Keynesians discussing how the economy is like a water balloon or a pump. The three legs are in conflict they do not support each other – the conservative belief that only state engineered and approved families support the market economy is in conflict with the market economy.I’m beginning to think the rainbow beaver image isn’t about destroying the wood (calling Dr. Freud!) in the Reaganite stool – it’s fear of the libertarian porcupine.