How Do I Forgive?

One morning, not long ago, as I was meditating on God I began to go through a sort of unplanned confessing of each one of my errors and as I went I felt the stabbing pains in my heart. This went on for a while and came with many, many tears. 1

When I was finished I sat there bare before my creator without any excuses.

As I continued to sit I became aware that I was not alone in the doing of these deeds. That in fact God had been there with me in every deed and word; and had just as much guilt as I did.

I had to accept this new idea because I strongly believe & know God to be everywhere and in everything with all knowing and all power.

. . . . . . .

And then I began to see that not just the presumed “victim”, my children in this case, were dramatically affected by the events, but I was affected as well. I could see that there were 2 victims of the events. That we’d both been through it together, both carrying the pain of it.

I cried for myself and I understood that I’d need to forgive myself. This was something I had no idea how to do. I went through my day continually asking God to help me forgive myself and remembering with pain that I didn’t know how.

You know, somehow God knows how to help us, especially when we come to his feet for mercy and help.

. . . . . . .

During my lifetime search for answers I explored the Metaphysical community and I went to this one particular psychic for a reading. As part of the reading she told me that in a former life I had been a famous Anne who had her head chopped off for not conforming.

Then she began to describe a man and she said his name was Charles and asked if I knew this person. I said yes, that he had been my husband who had died a few years before. She told me that in this past life, he had been the AXE MAN.

As I sat trusting God to help me forgive myself I remembered this. I was comforted at how easy it was for me to forgive him this deed and I considered how horrified he would be at the realization.

What if those people in our lives who are our biggest perpetrators were asked, by us before we came, to help us get on down the road with our personal awareness or growth.

What if we were the closest and dearest friends. And I asked my friend to play the part for me. And they had agreed because they knew they could help. Fully knowing that for a time they would be considered the villain with all the painful guilt that carries.

Maybe it all really is Love (God). It’s just that our view here is so amazingly limited.

. . . . . . .

As I’ve come to understand all of this in a new way I’ve been able to forgive not only myself, but the perpetrators in my life, like my Dad. And I now have a new value and acceptance and love for all of us “villains” and “victims”.

And I can see again that everything really is working out in a way that I like. And that God, my love, really is in complete control.

I love each of you…May you come to see yourself as free from the guilt of the past, whatever it is. Hugs

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1. I’m a mother and I love my children very much. It seems this combo creates a lot of guilt. I’ve carried it with me for years along with my disdain for my own human father and how he was.

When my children were little I was FAR from the perfect parent. And stuff happened, and I took the guilt of it.
Even after my children became adults there were many times looking back that I wished I had reacted/responded differently to them.

For all the years, as I became more and more aware, I still carried a horrible burden of guilt.