Expectations

Disclaimer: This message is like 90% pointless yammering. It's probably a better use of your time if you just don't read it.

I got so caught up last update with Sanjay's comic that I forgot to mention that Drawing Board is now three years old! Which really, doesn't make any sense. On one hand, I can't believe I've been doing this for three years. And on the other hand, I can't believe I've only been doing this for three years. The impact of this comic in my life seems to have rippled retroactively into all the years I've lived, to the point where I can't remember what it was like not to have this running. It feels omnipresent. But don't interpret that as bemoaning, for I really love doing this, to the point where my demeanor gets noticeably worse the longer I've stalled a particular update. Creating all this crap is just irrevocably a core trait of my person at this point.

Also, what a three years it's been. You can look back through the archive and view this weird quasi psychological development I went through. All those stupid as hell throwaway jokes that just make no sense, escalating to the excessively elaborate run-on comics, and then all this weird downbeat shit I've been doing recently. If I wasn't so desperate for comic ideas that were A) doable and B) I at least kind of liked, I would take a serious step back and wonder where the fuck I'm taking this thing. What happened to the goofy jokes? Why can't I think of those any more without dragging them on for 20+ panels? What the fuck is with all this moody, self-deprecating shit I insist on putting up constantly? Someone get in your best psychological hypothesizing armchair and take a crack at that mystery. I'd love to just be able to write some jokes without forcing myself to think them over from every conceivable angle; until inevitably I can no longer ascribe any comedic value to them whatsoever.

But seriously, let's move back on topic now. I define this comic in my mind as a test ground for whatever I want to make. But I think this project has been going on long enough that I have to start treating it as it's own entity. This isn't just some window I hang things in to amuse passersby, it's its own presence in a way. I've invested a lot of time, effort, and emotion into this comic, and apparently there are people out there who like it for one reason or another. It feels like, at this point, there are certain actions I could take that would be a disservice to this archive; it would be, if you will, possible to ruin what I've built up here. And if things have gotten to the point where there is something to actually ruin, then maybe I've really created something solid here. I have to sometimes ask myself while brainstorming "Is this idea something that would fit on Drawing Board?" And increasingly often, that answer is no, and I rework the idea until it's passable. It's certainly worthwhile to take occasional risk though, like with the Traveler series for instance. I think that turned out very well, and have a lot of plans with where to take that. Really I've just got a lot of plans for everything, but the issue of getting those plans to the point where they're ready for print is a whole trial in itself. I find the title "Drawing Board" is becoming more appropriate, as this place is really just becoming a dumping ground for flitting little ideas of mine in comic form. But you know, maybe what I have here already is something to genuinely take pride in. Maybe this site has evolved past another contender for where you, the internet user, should spend this given 30 seconds of your life, and into a place that can legitimately entertain people. I don't think that evolution is anywhere near complete, but the fact that it's going down that path is something that warms my heart a little. Of course, it feels incredibly presumptuous to type all that out, but I'm still pretty proud.

Wow so, I didn't mean to turn this post into a goddamn State of the Comic Address. If you're reading this part, sorry about all the drivel you most likely just powered through. I have a problem with brevity sometimes, if not most times. I also have a problem with not realizing how boring my prattling must get. Jesus. Luckily I get the impression most people who visit this site don't read this comment section (especially when it's this long), so hopefully it won't be a big nuisance. But maybe in some way, this writing style is appropriate given the whimsical nature I try to approach this whole comic with, just typing out words haphazardly until I've probably lost even the most dedicated reader's interest. I'm going to add a disclaimer to the top of this post either way. So people will know what they're in for.

Let me just say before I go though, thank you so much for reading. You have no idea the extent this comic has improved my life. Even in my gloomiest hours I can recall some of the emails I've gotten and my spirits can't go anywhere but up. It's part of the reason why it doesn't feel right to put ads or merchandise up, I'm already getting so much out of this, I can't imagine asking for more. To anyone that may worry during my disturbingly frequent hiatuses that I may abandon this pursuit, know that I cannot fathom ever doing so. I literally want to keep making comics until the day I die or my drawing hand is amputated. At which point I'd have to find an artist partner to continue I suppose. So again, thanks so much, and I hope these last three years are followed up by many, many more.