Pity, rather than empathy, doesn’t actually add to a discussion of oppression. Instead, it recenters the discussion on the oppressor who now feels bad for oppressing. It’s a subtle, unconscious way of re-establishing dominance in spaces that exist for the oppressed. The man who feels the need to tell women that he feels sad is a man who cannot bear being quiet long enough to allow women to direct the discussion. Your feelings about our lives are useful in that they may motivate you to work within the oppressive class to change things. But your feelings about our lives are only useful if you don’t make them into our problem.