Although it is human nature to question and try to find the reasoning behind God’s ways, I truly believe most of our “why” questions result from ignorance about Who God is or a lack of faith in what He is doing.

After more than 30 years of discipling women, as well as seeing God work in my own life, I’ve come up with what I call “God’s Top 10 Answers to Our Why Questions.” They are not in any particular order. But they are all based on Scripture and what it tells us of God’s character. If He were to speak audibly perhaps His answers to your questions would be:

Trust Me. I have My reasons. We don’t really like this answer, because we want God to explain Himself. We want to see the reasons and exercise our option to agree or disagree with God. Yet God points out in Isaiah 55:8-9: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts“ (ESV). I can’t help but feel that this is God’s way of saying “Because I said so.” But like a loving parent, who may have said that to you when you were a child, He knows what He’s doing and Scripture says His ways are perfect (Psalm 18:30) and therefore He never makes mistakes.

So you will grow. In James 1:2-4, we are instructed: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” God wants you to be perfected and complete in Him. So He will, at times, allow you to go through hardships to grow your character.

You never asked. Because God knows all that we need we expect Him to give blessings that we haven’t even asked for. Yet God wants the relationship. He wants you to ask, and keep coming back to ask again. James 4:2 says: “…You do not have because you do not ask” (NIV). I know so many women who ask “Why won’t God give me a husband?” but they’ve never really asked Him for one. They also ask “Why can’t I have a baby?” but they haven’t been asking God the same question. Sometimes He wants to work within us and to begin that work, we need to start the conversation.

You’re asking for the wrong reasons. “God, why can’t I win the lottery?” “God ,why won’t You give me this high-paying position?” “God why won’t this business succeed?” Yes, James 4:2 says “You do not have because you do not ask,” but the next verse clarifies that statement further: “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (James 4:3). God will not be a party to our selfishness. So if you are asking for something for you, God’s answer might be “You’re being selfish.” Try asking for something for Him. Or, try asking for something that Jesus would ask for (which is the literal meaning of praying for something “in Jesus’ name”) It puts a whole new spin on the equation. And it may eliminate your “why” question altogether.

So you’ll rely on Me. Without a job? Without a spouse? Without hope? Face it, when we don’t have what we want or need, it makes us desperate. God wants to be the One we are desperate for and I believe He will allow whatever it takes to make us fully dependent on Him. Deuteronomy 13:4 commands us to “follow the Lord your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.” Nothing makes us cling to God more than when we are desperate for something. Be desperate for Him. And He will become your answer.

Just Wait. So often our “why” questions are premature. We get impatient because we can’t see an end result, but God works on an entirely different timeline than we do. Psalm 84:11 says “no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.” So if you are walking uprightly and it seems like God is withholding something good, it either isn’t truly good for you or it isn’t time.

I have something better in mind. Sometimes our “why” is because we believe God is giving us second best, or He’s forgotten about us altogether. But Jesus said: “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11). Could God be waiting to give you something better than you’ve thought to ask for? I know it’s difficult to endure something when you are hoping for something better. But keep your hope in God (not in what you’re hoping from Him). He is far better than the most loving of earthly parents. He sees what’s best for us eternally, not just temporally. And He is a God who loves to bless His children.

I’m protecting you. The Psalmist said “My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long – though I know not how to relate them all” (Psalm 71:15, NIV, emphasis added). Do you believe that God is saving you all day long through what He brings in and out of your life? God may say “no” to save you from something hurtful or He might allows something you don’t like because it’s keeping you from something worse. God knows our weaknesses when it comes to temptation. He knows our tendency for failure when it comes to our relationships, and He sees what’s ahead and we don’t. I remember the day I had to start praying “God, don’t let me near this if I will prioritize it above You” or “God, please allow this but only if I will remain humble and give the glory to You.” He protects us physically, as well as morally and spiritually, and like any good Father, He knows what is best for His children.

I’m making you more like Jesus. We love to quote Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” and then we look for the good so we can hold onto it. But I truly believe that verse, taken in context with the next verse tells us the “good” that God is constantly working on in terms of why He allows – and doesn’t allow – what He does: “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son…” (verse 29). Sometimes the “why” is simply because God wants to make you, through your circumstances, more like His Son.

Because I love you. God loves us too much to give us exactly what we want. I thought I wanted a certain man when I was in college, but God knew better. I thought I wanted at least three children, but God knew better. And today, instead of asking “Why couldn’t I have these things?” I find myself, instead, saying “Thank You, Lord, for knowing what was best for me.” God is loving. He is good. And if He “did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” (Romans 8:32, NASB). If God has not delivered on something you wanted or has allowed something you don’t understand, His answer might best be “Because I love you. And one day you will understand.”

Can you trust this God upon whom you have piled your questions? Then say this prayer from Your heart as a way of letting Him know you are His and You trust Him with whatever He has in mind:

Lord, thank You that in spite of your “no” or “wait” or even Your silence, You know what is very best for me and You promise to work for my eternal good, not just my temporary satisfaction. Thank You that in all situations, in all pain and pressure and circumstances beyond my control, You are making me more like Christ, as I give up my will and surrender to Yours.

Scripture says without faith it is impossible to please You so I choose to believe that You have it all under control. Thank You for being a good, loving, all-knowing and ever-present God who will not let anything touch me that hasn’t first passed through Your loving hands. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

If you prayed that prayer, please let me know in the comment section below. I’d love to pray for you.

Cindi McMenamin is an award-winning author and national speaker who helps women find strength for the soul. She has nearly 30 years experience ministering to women and inspiring them to let God meet their emotional needs, grow stronger through their alone times, and pursue their dreams with boldness.

36 Comments

Dear Cindi, I came across your postings just when I needed them most, I am a nurse and took care of my ill parents around the clock for three years, my father passed on in November of 2016, and my mom suddenly passed on five months later, I was their hospice nurse and was with them at home as they left earth to be with our heavenly father . During this three years I was emotionally abused by my brothers and skin head nephew that was allowed to stay at my parents house. My 15 year old daughter and I were reduced to staying in our room we shared behind a locked door only to try and take care of my parents out of my room the whole time getting stalked at every door way and called every filthy name imaginable, our clothes stolen, kicked out of the bathroom all our belongings throwing into the hallway floor and our groceries throwing into the street to before I had a chance to even put them away , I did manage to get a small refrigerator into my bedroom . Police were called out 17 times along with social workers and the end result was I was told I had to leave because I was putting my daughter in danger . Well I did not leave I stood my ground and I entered because I knew I would be abandoning my parents . I endured the name calling from my brother ‘s and my nephew up till the day I moved out in which my nephew also yelled in my face and called me Vulgar names . My daughter and I moved in with my mother in law whom lives four doors down the street. My daughter and I share the master bedroom and my husband lives in the back in a house. My daughter has been through so much the mother in law thought it would be best to not isolate her off into another room . Well since moving here my husband and I have become complete strangers. Their is no communication between us I am invisible to him . I even had to hear the words from him the first week I was here that and less I slept with him then I needed to go as if I hadn’t been through enough already !!! He won’t help pay some of my bills like he promised, he made me his mom’s burden. And if this isn’t enough my brothers are suing me for my inheritance !!!! Would you say I’m in a tornado or hurricane ?! Truly blessed…..Connie

Connie, I would say you are in the midst of probably the greatest storm of your life but God is still at the helm in the storm. Keep your eyes on the One who can still the wind and the waves. (And although your daughter’s needs are very important too, remember to keep your husband a priority. He sounds like he is crying out for help right now. Face this storm together.

Thank you Cindi for blessing me today with your article. I have received a renewing peace this morning. In the past 24hours I have been led to surrender my marriage after a long spiritual battle against my husbands will to proceed in divorce. I remained faithful to him and prayed faithfully for a miracle of reconciliation. In closure, the Lord led me to be a peacemaker and I have accepted the Lords gentle “no” as He has been lovingly patient with me, and is doing a mighty work in His name.
The pain, although purposeful, is very real. I found this article so comforting, thank you.
To God Be the Glory. ?

Danielle, I’m so glad this article came at just the right time to comfort you and perhaps affirm the direction God is giving you. Cling tightly to your Lord during this season of uncertainty. He won’t let you walk alone. And I am certain He will direct you into his best for you.

I’m struggling in finding His will, where He wants me to be. All doors I’ve knocked won’t open. I’m starting to worry now and the pressure isn’t internal only. My family began asking and it doesn’t help at all. I try not to fear because that means I do not trust Him. In the other hand, things are very unpredictable now.

Thank you Cindi for the message on God’s Top 10 Answers To Your ‘Why’ Questions that came in timely in my present situation. Whenever I’m faced with negative circumstances that is beyond my control and comprehension, I would often ask God in frustration why I am placed in such situation and would demand to know an answer from Him.
Today I asked Him the same question on “why?”. Thanks for the answers. God bless.

Thanks for this message. God’s timing is perfect as I’ve witnessed good friends suffer tremendous loss recently. Some have Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and others do not. As I’ve prayed I’ve wondered why God allowed these things to happen? I’m at a loss to know how to comfort them or what to say or what to pray? You’ve reminded me that I’m normal for wanting to know “why”, and though He gave us some reasons in His word as to the reason why…some answers won’t come until we see Him face to face and all tears are wiped away, FOREVER! ♥

Thank you for your articles — they’re all the questions I was asking myself today. I was very negative today I am looking for a job, wondering why the Lord bought me here. What was my purpose for being here, trying to be positive in a negative situation. I also was very anxious wanting to run, don’t know where to. Your article gave peace. Thank the LORD and his using you to bring light to people.

Thank you, Dolores, for your comment. Thank You, Lord, for giving Dolores peace through this article and Your Word expressed through Scripture. Help Dolores to look to YOU as the answer instead of having to have certain answers.

Thank you!
I prayed this prayer. I’m struggling with losing my job of 14 years. I knew God wanted me to quit a long time ago, but I didn’t. I had to get kicked out screaming and fighting. I’m working on my Master’s Degree. I asked God to take me out of that job a long time ago, so I could work for Him. I knew He was calling me! I was afraid. I don’t have a job to support myself and no one that can help me. I told God that I wanted Him to be my husband and take care of me. I still feel like getting a job is the right thing to do, but I cannot find a job. Nobody will hire me!
I found a job that is very hard factory work. I have a problem with my back but I see no other options! Will you pray for me? School is so hard, concerns about financial stuff, and what to do about that job. I’m praying and I know God will lead me.

Lord, please be strong on Cindy’s behalf. Show her that You know her whole story and You will care for her. Guide her to the right job, one that You will equip her to do for Your glory. Quiet her fears and build her confidence in You.

Thank you for your willingness to be bold. Though it has been difficult, I KNOW He knows what’s best for me as I waited to hear if I would get an interview for a job I had before in another state. It took over a month to be called to interview and I knew from the start that my trust must always be in Him and not the circumstance. Now I wait again for another opportunity to interview.

Because of my work experience and knowing those who know me in this company, I am a great candidate, and that is were I must relinquish my pride and own desires and trust that He may have something else better for me, though this is want I do want. We’ve talked about it and He knows I do trust Him, because we’ve been through a lot together and He has always been there in the hardest and darkest times in my life. How can I not trust Him?

Lord Jesus, please guide and direct Diana into this job if of that is Your very best for her and if not, please open another door soon that she will be absolutely thrilled to walk through. Thank You for being the God who knows how to give good and perfect gifts to Your children.

Hi Cindi,
I randomly googled devotional to refocus my anxiety. I loaned a friend I trusted a considerable amount of money and will probably never see it again. I’m riding a roller coaster of confidence that He will see me through and then pure anger. At lunch today this is what I typed under notes on my phone. “paralyzed…no solutions…no help…disbelief…I don’t know why I push myself into things that make me uncomfortable…always thinking this is really what God is telling me but you know what…it’s virtually impossible to read…we just wander aimlessly asking for guidance (from God) and all we get we get is some mysterious calm when we say “take this God” but he isn’t taking it, he is just helping us cope…cope, adjust, deal with it because truth, hope and care have vanished. No kindness to be found for assistance just questioning and denials, yep that’s life… it’s great
I try to find gratitude in the little things every day but my hope has been running thin.

Hi cindi
I am not a perfect person by any means. I am not living on the streets, but I am as poor as it gets. I have done some bad things in my life. I have a daughter now, I prayed about the things I wanted to change for the better. I was so excited I got my first job in April 2016, and I was so happy that I was going to start making money the right way. Also that I would be able to do more for my daughter and my boyfriend. My daughter has been so horrible worse than a nightmare. My boyfriend doesn’t deserve to be around me depressed and miserable. I got my first car I was so excited to be able to do more for my family. I lost my job. My boyfriend went to jail, my daughter did everything to misbehave. I spent my entire income tax return on 4 brand new tires I’m not going to get into to much detail. I had my family in the car and totaled it. Everyone is ok. I was so excited to be able to take my daughter to school if I needed, my apts, to start going to the career link to get a job and do things the right way still. When my boyfriend was in jail we talked about going to church together. I really was excited to go back to my childhood church. We have been together for two years and friends for about 5. He is perfect with my daughter. We have been talking about getting married. I do love him with my whole heart. I do want to marry him. We will never be able to afford anything for a wedding, I can’t get a job, I seriously feel like God is really against me. He wants to go to church this week, he said about my daughter would love it. I have been praying about it all.

Lyndsey: Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment and share your frustrations and your feelings. I often hear women express that they feel God is “against” them when they don’t get what they want. Or when things continue to go badly. But I encourage you to back up and ask yourself “Have I been honoring God in all that I do and with all that I have? Am I honoring Him by being sexually pure in a relationship that isn’t yet a marriage? Am I honoring Him with my money by considering it HIs first and giving to His work? Taking care of our families is what anyone would do. But what sets your life apart as one who honors God with your time, treasure and talents? There are principles and promises throughout Scripture that as we honor God He honors us. “Going to church” is not the solution, but it may be a start in honoring God with one day a week. It may put you in a place where you begin to know how to grow in a relationship with God. I guess what I’m trying to say is that God wants the RELATIONSHIP and sometimes He allows all sorts of things to happen to get us flat on our faces so we acknowledge how very desperate we are for Him. When you seek Him with all your heart, you will find you have all that you need AND want. My book, Women on the Edge, would be a great one to help you start growing in a relationship with God. It contains a lot of stories about women who come to the end of themselves and are ready to start seeing Him…and then how He transforms their lives. I realize that, without a job, money is scarce. So, please email me at Cindispeaks@msn.com and provide for me your U.S. mailing address and I’ll send a copy out to you to help you get started in growing with Him and getting to know Him through His Word. Thank you for your willingness to make that start. 🙂

Hi Cindi,
I have been seeking God’s will since I retired from my job. I took early retirement with my husbands blessings because to do the work successfully I had to work 12-15 hours everyday. Since I left work I have been getting impatient with God because I wanted to know what God’s will was for me. I am very energetic and found myself feeling all alone. I didn’t want to share with my husband because I am truly grateful that I can afford not to work right now. After reading your article “Keep your hope In God” is ministering to me. I realize that I need to work on trusting God and continue to develop my relationship with God even though I admit – sometimes it does not feel good. When you can could you pray for me for peace and patience during this waiting period. Thank you so much!
Your sister in Christ Jesus Love,
Beatrice

Yes, of course I will pray for you, Bernice. It’s so good to hear from you again and my prayer is that you will experience God’s peace and presence as you wait upon Him for the immeasurably more that He has for you.

I’m 49 and Have been divorced 5 years. I have had 4 serious relationships since then. I’ve been single past 6 mos and really just want to be alone to work on my relationship w/God. Pray I stay strong, stay focused, pure and honorable during this season of waiting. I don’t want anything more now than Just the Lord until it’s time to rcv the Man God would have me to spend the rest of my life with. Thank you for your precious ministry!

Thank YOU, Marla, for such encouraging words to hear. Most women would rather be WITH someone even in an unhealthy relationship, than to be spiritually healthy and alone. I’m glad you are choosing the Lord FIRST and want a more intimate relationship with Him. Blessings, my friend.