Archive for the ‘Wacky Holidays’ Category

From the three boobs for the price of one department: Gustavo Rojas, of Venezuela, a First Justice (socialist party) candidate for a National Assembly position is raffling off not television sets, not a weekend spree in Mount Airy Lodge, er, sorry, Mount Airy Casino Resort ( I wonder if they’ve kept their heart theme and replaced their heart shaped tubs with heart shaped gambling tables?…just sayin’)… no! Rojas is raffling off breast implants in exchange for votes. Says he, “The raffle, is a financing mechanism, nothing else. It’s the doctor who will do the operation, not me.”

From the what a busy weekend I had department: I worked all weekend, Saturday and yesterday in hopes to get as much of the (thankfully) unending mounds of work done before the end of the month. We canceled two separate–I guess you can call them events, (as opposed to, say, irresponsible romps)–but work comes first and if only I could have taken five minutes to take a nap, to recharge the batteries, so to speak, I’d have been better off. But you know, sometimes, finding the perfect conditions for catching a few zzz’s can be difficult; you can’t get comfortable, the sun might be in your eyes, or reflecting off of something from behind, there might be people around and you’d feel embarrassed if you inadvertently nodded off. Well, our troubles are over! Please witness the following.

Coupled with your new limited edition Snuggie it makes for a glorious siesta!

And finally for today, I have some more pictures of the construction, this time from the inside. Over the weekend they worked mostly on the insulation and since it was one of those occasions were they swept up and made neat in there, I thought I’d show you some “inside” pictures.

The first shot is looking out the front…back?…side? wall. Side wall. Looking straight out the kitchen window, soon to become an entryway. The next shot is the pantry. That’s going to be immediately to the right of the entryway. Beyond that, we’re replacing the blue folding chair and yellow scaffold table with honest to goodness dining room furniture. And this third shot is looking toward the sliding door which opens to the back of the house. In the opposite corner of the slider is where the breakfast nook is going and the rest will be, I guess, dance floor.

And there you have it, my quick attempt at an off the cuff Monday morning blog. Have a great National Toasted Marshmallow Day! And if you toast them on the stove using a fork, be very careful not to singe your lips. Those 3 or 4 blisters that appear instantly are murder to try to explain without someone else peeing themselves from laughing at your idiocy. But you’re an idiot only once, so they say. Well, when it comes to toasting marshmallows.

I’m back on the computer this morning and another busy but fun-packed weekend is behind us. I hope I can remember it all with the scant amount of sleep I had last night. I was awake at 2 for a trip to the ‘loo’ and couldn’t really fall back asleep. However, to catch you up on some pending things, my contractor brought the revised papers for the township for me to sign; I reattached my down spout (apparently I didn’t have it connected securely enough); we ended up having to pick up the cable converter box on our own because, as we were told, Fedex screwed up the address and the shipment–both of them–got rerouted. Funny how our monthly bills with due dates just days away never get rerouted. But it’s hooked up and all’s right with the world in my guest room once again.

From the ‘I really should watch myself around people with camera-equipt cell phones while I’m dancing like a back up dancer to Diana Ross’s “Baby Love” with my shirt off at a public pool because it’s not pretty’ department, I weighed in once again at 214 this weekend and Ariel added one pound to his weigh in from last week, clocking in at 203. That less than seductive dance was part of the weekend-long birthday celebration with our house guests. Too much food, too much drink equals a good time was had by all.

Yesterday was a lazy day but we finally convinced ourselves to get out to the store like we needed to for a card that has to go in the mail and spent close to two hundred dollars. We found some accessories and towels for the new bathroom and a few other sundry items with enticingly low prices (but when you buy a few of them it all adds up) and a certain cashier had to be pulled off break to open a register because the store was packed and she was not having it and bitched and moaned the whole time she rang us out.

Then, in the pouring rain, it was off to Ruby Tuesday since it was getting nigh on dinner time anyway and once again, carrying on the tradition of the weekend, ate more than we should have (let’s not even get into the dessert we had later once we were home, thank you). I went in while Ariel parked the truck and no one was at the greeter podium. A manager type came by and I requested a booth in the bar while, coincidentally The Rolling Stones were singing “Ruby Tuesday” on the PA system. “Oh, how appropriate,” I commented aloud to the manager man. He placed the menus in his had down on the podium and walked away. Did he go off to laugh at me? Roll his eyes in that “if I hear that one more time” manner of displeasure? He returned minutes later looking at the schedule for his wait staff, summoning several waiters and querying them about what tables they had, momentarily ignoring his two dripping wet customers while we pondered that perhaps we should have chosen Maggiano’s and their oversized bowl of pasta after all. Finally, after 5 minutes had passed, he escorted us to a table with an apology for the televisions being out due to the weather to which I responded, “Oh, that’s okay, we’re ex-DirecTV customers.” But the signal came back on the set in my line of vision in time for the Mets to win their game against Baltimore.

And here it is already Pop Goes The Weasel Day. And be sure to wave it around like mad today, it’s June 14th, Flag Day!

I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one, But from the milk we’re getting now, There certainly must be one.

~ or ~

I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one, But I can tell you anyhow, I’d rather see than be one.

~or ~

The once was a man from Nantucket….. uh… never mind.

Why am I bringing this up? It’s Limerick Day, that’s why and up until today, I never knew how the rest of that Nantucket one went. In some circles, it could be considered really dirty. Uh, wait a minute, I don’t think the purple cow poems are actually limericks.

Does anyone remember when Johnny Carson announced the toilet paper shortage in1973? Well, it finally happened here, but not with toilet paper. When my niece Melissa was living with us while she was going to Rutgers, or Rukkers, for any true Jersian worth his salt, we somehow managed to acquire a virtual lifetime arsenal of paper napkins; huge amounts from Costco. Well, she went back home in, if I’m not mistaken, 2005. We just used the last of the serviette stockpile and have been forced to use the quicker picker upper only because the weather is warmer and I’m wearing short sleeves.

The chippers came yesterday and in about an hour they were finished. While I spent a few minutes observing them, I wondered if it wouldn’t be easier to use good old fashioned manpower to load the chute rather than have someone operate the swaying crane that had to be manually lined up to it anyway. I guess the one advantage to that was that they could load larger loads quicker at one time, otherwise, I suppose they’d still be there.

I considered trying to recontact Lori the agent lady I met at the Javitz a few years ago, the one who told me “Oh, yes, send me more. This is one story I’ll never forget.” I sent her what she wanted back then and never heard a word from her, even after my follow up a month later. I was doing research last night and found tons of people on message boards saying the same thing, that she doesn’t answer anybody. So, I’m not going to bother. I’m just going to bitch here and look elsewhere for someone fresh to contact.

There’s an intoxicating heady aroma wafting about my nostrils this morning. I am putting together a spaghetti sauce for tonight’s dinner. It is Wednesday, after all and I’m plumb out of the last batch I had made. If there’s one thing I can do is make a sauce. Maybe I should take a cue from my friend Bob, who is about to self-publish his own cookbook, and write a cookbook of my own. Spaghetti sauce and apple pie. Well, if I use large font, I might get 3 or 4 pages out of it. Oh, but if I add Grandma S’s Red Velvet Cake recipe to it, 6 pages–tops. Oh, wait, I know, I can add in all the take out menus I have and I can include a section of recipes for “those who in diet” .

The only other business today is that you should check out the cave divided on who should go from American Idol tonight. Check it out by clicking the newts’ thumb pic.

Novel news! Novel news! Alright, settle down, it’s not all that exciting just yet. I just wanted to let you know that last night I sent out a query to another prospective agent for my book. And the minute I hear back, you’ll know. I reworked my synopsis, added a little mystique to it, chopped it up into bits and when it was done and I read throught it, I wanted to read my book. Do you realize it’s been, at this writing, 5 years and 6 days (March 27, 2005–Easter Sunday–we’d had Easter dinner on Saturday, but I don’t recall why) since I wrote the last sentence. But I remember it took me nearly two hours to get it just right, to wrap up the entire story and when it was done, we celebrated with turkey soup because I was sick as a dog and on medication and couldn’t have champagne.

How’s this for a statistic? This past March was a homicide-free month for the city of Newark, NJ. Imagine, for an entire month, the first time in more than 40 years, Newark went without a single murder. Statisticians aren’t counting the 43 consecutive days between March and April of 2008 a non-calendar month. But considering March has 31 days, which is 12 less than 43, I’d say it’s no big deal. I mean, yeah, it’s great nobody got killed, Heaven forbid, but if they’re going to be that nit-picky over whether it’s one singular month or over the span of two, then their statistic is just as stupid as their reasoning. According to Garry McCarthy, director of the Newark Police Department: “We’re not talking about February that has 28 days. March is a legitimate month.” I wonder what his take is on September, April, June and November?

But, it’s Good Friday and there’s a story I just can’t help but tell you. I have to warn you, it’s a bit of tearjerker, but it has a happy ending. I saw it on the news yesterday morning and it brought tears to my eyes. And that was just the teaser before a commercial break.

Sixty-four year old Bonnie Strickland called 911 on March 8 and told the dispatcher that her seventy-four year old husband, Earl, of forty-seven years was choking to death on a ham and cheese sandwich. “I tried to do the Heimlich Maneuver. I have a broken arm and I couldn’t do it, so I kind of freaked.” When the dispatcher, Bethann Alexin, learned of Bonnie’s broken arm she told her, “Okay, well I’ll tell you what to do for him”. Bonnie continued describing the scene, “He was turning real blue and I says to her (the 911 operator), he’s turning dark and I says, oh my God, he’s falling out of his chair. I had already kissed him and told him I loved him cause I just knew he was gone.”

Earl was flat on his back and Bethann calmly instructed Bonnie to straddle him, place her good hand on his stomach and push. But that didn’t work at first. “Use your weight and push quickly and that did the trick. “Okay, I got a piece of cheese out,” Bonnie exclaimed and Earl took a breath. “She (Bethann) was my angel,” Bonnie said, “I don’t know who she is but I’d like to meet her one day. She deserves this award she’s getting.” The award is the “Lifesaver Award” and she will forever have the lifelong gratitude of Bonnie and Earl Strickland.

Do you remember about a month ago I got confused (cripes, that could have been any day, really) about Tell A Lie Day and I thought it was March 4th but it turned out it was April 4th and I was going to bring it back up? Well, not only is April 4th Tell A Lie Day, but it’s also Easter Sunday and… we’ve got tickets to go see Valerie Harper on Broadway in Looped, a show about Tallulah Bankhead. When we go the tickets we had no perception of the calendar (kind of like the statisticians in Newark) and didn’t realize show day would be on the holiday, so we’re doing Easter on Saturday and the show on Sunday. Hmm, maybe history will repeat itself, in a sense, and maybe I’ll have news from that agent. And maybe I’ll get to fix my kitchen faucet this weekend, also.

So, on that note, you all have a great Easter. See you next week with a fresh new McGinty and an update on the weekly weigh-in!

I’d like to put in my two cents, but it’s One Cent Day today. It’s true, check your calendars. And that ain’t no April Fool’s prank neither. Whew, that’s a triple negative.

Hooray, the part for my Grohe kitchen faucet came in yesterday. Ordinarily I wouldn’t name brands of stuff, but it sounds impressive…Grohe! Now all I have to is be impressive and fix the dang thing.

Hey, did you know over in London, researchers are closely watching the behavior of common toads (bufo bufos) to help predict earthquakes. Since time immemorial unusual animal behavior has been linked to cataclysmic events but hard evidence has been scarce. I had a cat once that used to climb the decorative brick in my old kitchen, in my old house, in my old neighborhood. That was peculiar behavior to be sure, but there was nothing cataclysmic. I actually think it was the result from when we used to tease her with the beam from a flashlight against the wall and she would stalk it, like cats do and yes, even up the wall. This was the same cat we sang happy birthday to and she got so freaked out she jumped out of whoever’s arms of who was holding her and ran and hid for hours. Then, whenever we had company, she would dash out of sight. Dingbat cat!

At a breeding colony in central Italy scientists noticed a sharp decline in the bufo bufo population. Five days later, a 6.3 magnitude earthquake struck. And the epicenter was 46 miles away from the breeding center. And the number of toads had dropped to zero 3 days before the quake. It is suggested that the toads are able to detect gases and discharged particles and use them as a form of an early warning system. The day after the quake, they began to return but until after the last aftershock the numbers remained low. If only today was April 26. That’s Richter Scale Day and we’d have a theme going.

Upset last night in the newt nest. Click their pic and see how they fared.

We found our tile. It wasn’t what we originally had in mind which we thought might be just a tad on the “not right” side after all, but when I described to the guy what I was looking for he pointed out a tile I instantly fell in love with. Ariel came to look at it and the decision was in the bag. So, that’s taken care of. Speaking of the upstairs bathroom, the window is in, a new sub floor is down and drain and vent pipe are just about completed. I’m taking sequential pictures that I’ll share when it’s all done. I just have to locate a good shot of the original bathroom to start the whole presentation.

You’ll be glad to know that south Jersey Walmart has taken steps to curb the possibility of any more racial insults–”Attention, Walmart customers: All black people, leave the store now”–by limiting the number of public-accessible phones with public address capabilities. I wonder if a certain mall I used to go to was ever able to limit the number of people who spit on the floor or throwing tissues with freshly deposited snot in them onto the floor. I wouldn’t know because the day that happened, was the last day I ever went there, and that was in the vicinity of about 20 years ago.

I also haven’t had an M & M since they introduced the blue ones, but being an avid fan of my blog you’d already know that.

You also know that with tomorrow being Saturday, it’s our weekly weigh-ins, so hold good thoughts on that issue for us. What you might not know is that today is Poultry Day. I’ll be gobbling up some leftover corned beef and cabbage however. Alas.

What is really sad is that some areas in New Jersey are continuing to suffer the effects of last weekend’s storm; some have no power yet, and there are still some flooding conditions because of cresting rivers, but fortunately that is lessening as the week progresses. I was watching some news footage from the past week on the news yesterday, about how the Passaic River crested and in one shot, a 4 foot swimming pool in someone’s yard was just about under water; of streets being turned into rushing rivers; and of boat rescues to get people to safety. And that made me think of this old video I saw from a similar storm (to give credit where it’s due, I think my sister sent it to me originally a few years ago) and since it was apropos to this storm I thought it was only fitting I share it with you.

You gotta love the media!

Enjoy your weekend! Tomorrow is the first day of spring. Click on the flower below and then hold the left button down on your mouse and drag it across the screen. This was froma friend of mine and now I’m passing it on to you.

The newts pulled it out last night, both of them did very well predicting who was going home. And I also see they issued a challenge, a non American Idol related challenge, but you can get to it from the link button below.

In the meantime, I was gonna blog about one thing in particular. And then I was going to blog about another. But then something else came to mind and then I realized it was Multiple Personalities Day. But that could be me on any given day.

Actually, something I saw, that I thought was kind of silly caught my eye. The new “Yotel” that will be opening up on New York, on 42nd Street and 10th Avenue in 2011. It’s an American version of Britain’s “pods” and the rooms will be called “cabins”. These cabins are designed for a quick nap; in Britain they are rented out for 4-hour stays. Isn’t that more like a “no tell motel”? Or is that more or less hour by hour? I don’t know. But they’re perfect for certain people, say, travelers waiting for a flight, rather than getting a room for an entire night. That would be wasteful. The plan is to have the rooms flooded with relaxing purple mood lighting, and be equipt with monsoonal showers. That’s relaxing, being practically washed down the drain in the shower. Luxury bedding, Wi-Fi and flat screen televisions will round out the amenities. All this for a mere $200-$250 a stay. <gasp> I’d rather stay at the Hilton and at least have room service.

While we’re on the topic of traveling, New Jersey Transit is hiking its bus and train fares 30% as part of a plan to help bridge their budget deficit. Great, my train ride to Newark, where Ariel picks me up sometimes to go into the city, not counting my taxi ride or paying to park my own car, of course, will be almost $10. They’re also cutting 2% of their work force. That’s just great, the conductors that are on the train now can’t keep half the passengers in line as it is. And Gov. Chris Christie decided to withhold a $32 subsidy to NJ Transit.

And while we’re on the topic of politics…nah….yeah, alright…yesterday morning on the radio station we listen to for traffic in the morning (Route 80 and the staircase leading to the home office are bottlenecked this morning), NJ 101.5, was assuaging Gov. Christie’s silence on his plans on how he’s going to solve all of NJ’s financial problems. “He has every right to hold back until he’s ready to tell us” was more or less the import of what was said. But when Jon Corzine was keeping silent, he was “up to no good, he was a scoundrel, he was this, he was that” They are so sucking up to the new governor and I can’t wait until the one morning the tide turns and he does the one thing they don’t agree with. He’ll be the new scoundrel, the new this and that!

So, before I get too ranting for a Friday, let me say, it’s going to be a hectic weekend for me. Tonight we have plans to get together with a friend of ours. Saturday, besides it being our weigh ins, my new computer is scheduled to arrive and you know it’ll just beg to be set up. We also have quite a bit of straightening up to do around the house and we’re meeting with friends from work in the city for dinner and drinks. And Sunday, it’s my mother’s turn to be grilled for family history info because McGinty will soon be expanding his Chronicles.

So, I wish you all a great weekend. And beware of little voices telling your plane it’s clear for takeoff.

Today is Tell A Lie Day. No, I’m lying. It’s not today. Tell A Lie Day is April 4, not March 4. Today is Holy Experiment Day, the only thing I don’t know for sure if it’s Holy Experiment Day as in Holy Experiment Day, Batman, or if it’s Holy Experiment Day in the sense of trying something religious. I’ll experiment with a couple of different things and see how it works out. I’m not lying, I swear!

I got a call from my “interim” doctor to let me know my blood work all came back normal. I had forgotten all about that I was going to hear from them about that and it was welcomed news. Now I just have to wait to see my regular doctor in May.

We got a new high speed modem hooked up last night and whenever I do anything on my computer, I always check to see if my work connection is still intact and while the guy from the cable company was talking us through the set up, my work connection was gone. But he calmed our concerns and promised that after another few seconds, my worries would be over and sure enough, there was my sign-in page. We got the new modem in anticipation of the arrival of my new computer that’s coming soon. My old one is just about on it’s last legs. I’ll still be using it, but only for work and the new one for everything else that I take care of; this blog, McGinty, emailing, etc.

And contractor Lou came by today to take a few measurements and to get some info so he can start applying for the necessary permits to start work on the new roof and the addition after that’s done. Brian, did you come into money or something? No, but, well, the roof is a necessity. It’s who knows how old and really should have been replaced when we bought the house and we’ve been here 11 years. That we don’t have major leaks all throughout the house is a wonder. The computer, again is a necessity. The addition is something that we’ve been wanting to do for a long time and if we don’t do it now, we’ll never do it.

On a final note, before I send you off to read about American Idol, here’s a fun video for you.

Animal rights activists want the organizers of the Pennsylvania’s Groundhog Day festivities to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in because the poor critter is being mistreated in that he is “forced” to rise from his hibernation period, which could last into March, simply to uphold the folksy tradition of predicting the status of the coming Spring. “If a groundhog is awakened from hibernation too early, it might not have the energy to find food and survive in the cold winter temperatures,” says Forest Preserve District animal ecologist Dan Thompson, while insisting he’s not a killjoy. While we’re at it, Dan, let’s have a robotic stand-in for the American Flag on Independence Day so the ones we use, made of easily battered fabric, won’t flap in the breeze. Jerk! And to substantiate their argument, they cite how this method of prediction is not always accurate anyway, so why disturb the little critter. Really? How many forecasts made with state of the art technology is 100% of the time accurate? Case in point: a radio and television predicted snow storm this coming weekend; on the weatherchannel .com, clear sunny skies. So, who’s right? Who’s wrong? So, dear activists, shut up and let people enjoy their traditions.

I keep hearing, all of a sudden, that if the groundhog sees his shadow, it’s an early spring. I’m hearing that on television and on the radio. Hasn’t it always been if he sees his shadow it means six more weeks of winter? And didn’t the Best Actress category come either at the end or just before the Best Picture award during The Oscars? I always thought Best Actress, besides best picture, was the most coveted prize.

And finally, the result of Punxsutawney Phil is… “As the sky shines bright above me, my shadow I see beside me… 6 more weeks of winter it will be.” So, I guess that snow storm this weekend is a 50-50 chance. My advice, look out the window and see if it’s snowing.

PS: Here’s a link to the article I wrote last year (from that old blog that lost its pictures…remember that mess?) on the history of Groundhog Day as we know it today. Click here.

Today is a happy day indeed. Ariel’s niece, (and mine, too, in a manner of speaking; I’ve known her 22 of her 24 years–man that makes me feel old) is getting married. The ceremony is scheduled for one in the afternoon and I’ve been working seemingly around the clock to clear this afternoon and it looks like I’ll be ready to go with time to spare. I have just over three hours to finish out my week. So, that’s the big news of the weekend. For those of you who won’t be there, don’t fret, you have a choice of celebrations today. It’s National Puzzle Day and National Cornchip Day. Or National “Fit Pieces of Cornchips Into a Puzzle” Day. You decide.

I’ve got some free time this weekend because earlier this week, over my morning coffee before I got started working, I filled out my 2010 wall calendar and not a moment too soon otherwise I might have missed recycling day. So I don’t know what to do with myself. One thing, I’ll be playing plumber; the replacement parts for my toilet came in yesterday so I’ll be attempting to work on that. And I will be prepping the next McGinty for Monday and tomorrow is our weekly weigh-in. And I’m still trying to remember what that one effect high blood pressure has, but it keeps going out of my head.

Newark Airport security breach guy, Haison Jiang is scheduled for a February 9 arraignment on a misdemeanor trespassing charge. He faces either a $500 fine or 30 days in jail. I still say all the people he inconvenienced should let him have it.

What can I leave you with to contemplate over the weekend? How’s this: A story about Jessica and Laura. Jessica is pregnant and is due to give birth to a baby boy next month. That’s not so out of the ordinary. But what if Jessica and Laura both had sexual reassignment surgery and now live their lives as transgendered couple Scott and Thomas Moore; Jessica and Laura respectively. They’ve been together since 2007 when they met at a support group for transgendered men. In 1999, Thomas began taking testosterone and in 2004 had his 44GG breasts removed and his “snails and whales and puppy dog tail” is made from the flesh of his thigh. He also has two children of his own from a prior relationship with a female who later passed away. So, was he a lesbian at one point? I’m confused on that point. But Scott, whose birth certificate still lists him as a female, also still has female reproductive parts and he became pregnant by a donor.