Bionic Woman

In the least surprising news I've seen all week, the British tabloid Daily Mail is reporting that NBC's Bionic Woman will be canceled, "barring a last-minute miracle." The Mail's "source" tells the tab that star Michelle Ryan has returned to England "because the writing was on the wall," and is "defeated and depressed" that things didn't work out. Their source also claims that NBC Universal is pinning the blame for the show's failure on Ryan: "Their bet was that American viewers would fall in love with her looks, personality, and the character she played."

Gee, you think this "source" was a friend of Ryan's? Anyway, given the fact that a) this news hasn't shown up in any of the trades, like Variety and The Hollywood Reporter (UPDATE: this article in Variety says that the show is "probably canceled," which isn't that definitive, either), and b) the British tabs never let the truth get in the way of a juicy story, you have to take this news with a whole shaker of salt. Still, it's not like people were clamoring to see BionicWoman return after the writers' strike. So, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before Ben Silverman and the folks at NBC make this cancellation official.

We've been talking about NBC's Bionic Woman every week this season. How the show "has potential" and is "entertaining," while at the same time I think we can all agree it's really disappointing, has been all over the place, and has a lead that has the personality of the flashlight that is currently on my desk. What went wrong?

Brian Stelter over at The New York Times TV Decoder blog has a rundown on what happened to the show, from the pre-launch hype to how the numbers dropped so badly that NBC even took the repeat off of Saturday nights and replaced it with a repeat of Chuck.

I usually highlight a good, funny line of dialogue or exchange, but the above is so laughably bad I had to place it right at the top.

So let me get this straight: Jaime, who doesn't want her sister to know about her spy life because she doesn't want to put her life in danger, brings her along on an assignment to drop off a mysterious package to a mysterious stranger? Yeah, that's a good idea. And then she slips up and gives away info that the bad guy isn't supposed to know that she has, blowing her cover.

I believe I said this before, but I'll say it again: Jamie Sommers is the worst agent in the world.

(S01E07) "Would it kill you guys to put up a painting, a plant?" - Jaime, to Ruth, about the cold decor at HQ.

Jaime Sommers: Worst. Spy. Ever.

Seriously, I don't care how much money has gone into her, I'd fire her right now, send her back to bartending. She follows a bad guy with a suitcase and then gets distracted by a cell phone call from boyfriend Tom? She couldn't just not answer it or maybe tell him she'll call him back? What is she, 14? She's probably also mad that she's has to, like, totally work and everything, at the same time there's a new Gossip Girl on The CW!

(S01E06) "I bet you haven't seen a movie made before 1983." - Tom, to Jaime

Does anyone else think that Jaime is sort of dumb? I mean, she's hot and can fight and seems to be an OK spy-type person, but there doesn't seem to be anything else going on up there. If she wasn't a spy, she'd be back at the bar, banging random dudes and drinking a lot and arguing with her sister all the time. The above quote from Tom illustrates that. I bet she's not really interested in anything and seems rather dull to me. Or maybe it's just the way Michelle Ryan is playing her. Did I mention she's hot?

So I'm curious: did they have Michelle Ryan use her real British accent in this episode as a funny, insider-ish sort of joke, or did she just get tired that week and not want to fake an American accent? Regardless, it brings up the question, why is Ryan even faking an American accent? Can't she just play a Brit who lives in America? When she kept using her "fake" British accent while talking to Nathan on the phone, I thought it was a really lame mistake. Thankfully they had Nathan ask her why she's faking it even on the phone with him. It's good they explained that, but still...

This was the "let's position Katee Sackhoff on a table and make her wear a tank top and have wires wrapped around her chest to highlight her breasts as much as possible" episode. Not that I'm complaining. But it seems like a waste to have a character like Sarah Corvus and have her lying down for most of the time.

In this episode we learn that Jaime's new body comes with a limited warranty, and that her sister likes to pour beer on ice cream.

(S01E03) "$50 million and you didn't think we'd throw in a GPS?" - Jonas

OK, I have to admit it: with this episode Bionic Woman has me hooked for the long haul.

Where the first two episodes were way too heavy on the set up, this one was actually intriguing, lively, and jam-packed with witty lines. I'm actually beginning to think that the highlight of the show is Miguel Ferrer's Jonas character. Unlike Arvin Sloane over on Alias, Jonas is sarcastic and funny. And he's not the only one who had good dialogue in this episode. It's like the show was taken over by other writers or something after the first two episodes. The words were meatier, funnier.

Well, looks like all the hype and critical acclaim for Pushing Daisies worked. The show was not only the highest-rated new show in the 8pm slot this season, it was the third highest-rated new show of the year, period, right after Bionic Woman and Private Practice (this rating includes live viewing plus DVR stats).

On the night, ABC was the big winner (number one in 18-49 and households) with their lineup of Pushing Daisies, Private Practice, and Dirty Sexy Money. CBS was next (number two in households and 18-49) with Kid Nation, Criminal Minds, and CSI: NY. NBC was a close third (both 18-49 and households) with Deal Or No Deal, Bionic Woman, and Life. FOX was next (fourth in both) with Back To You, 'Til Death, and Kitchen Nightmares. And The CW was fifth, as always (in both categories), with America's Next Top Model and Gossip Girl.

Bionic Woman dropped around 30% from its debut and Life was down 28% from it's debut. Ouch.

It's a trend that you might not realize is happening. It's never been easy for American actors to get steady gigs on popular television shows. Once they get in the door, they may be golden ... or the show might be canceled after a few episodes. Then there's the plethora of reality shows, game shows, and other unscripted television fare which all take away available work for actors.

Oh, that new trend? Talent from abroad is coming here, getting cast on television shows, and adopting American accents. My personal favorite Baltimore's Finest is Domenic West playing Jimmy McNulty on The Wire. He was born and raised in England, went to college in Dublin. In an episode during the second season, he had to speak with a British accent. It sounded fake because I'm used to his American accent.

Last week I mentioned that Bionic Woman had a lot of Alias in it, and the opening scenes of this second episode solidifies that viewpoint a little bit more, with Jaime's fiancee dead and her friends moving on with their lives ("I'm gonna to be a scumbag lawyer, you guys!") and Jaime stuck at a bartending job and feeling a little lost, a little unfulfilled.

He hasn't even made his debut on the show yet (he starts tonight at 8 on NBC), but Isaiah Washington says that NBC has already said they might want to spinoff his Bionic Woman character because "there's been some relative excitement about my presence."

First of all, who the hell talks like that about themselves? There's been excitement about his presence? Um, OK. Second, Washington is only slated to do five episodes so far, and I think that if NBC really thought he was great then they would want to sign him to a full-time contract on Bionic Woman before taking the chance of spinning him off on his own show.

Hollywood is the most impatient entity in the entire galaxy. Industry experts and execs are already worried that the new season isn't living up to expectations.

Please note that we are one week into the new season.

There are only two new shows so far that have shown any strength: Bionic Woman and Private Practice. Of course, they've only had one episode each, less than a week ago, so who knows if those numbers are even solid? Returning shows, such as Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, and CSI: Miami are still big ratings-getters, but even their numbers are down. ABC, CBS, NBC are down in the 18-49 demo too

(S01E01)"I guess that makes me your landlord." - Jonas Bledsoe, explaining to Jamie Sommers who he is and all the money he spent on her

Sometimes I really hate first episodes of TV shows. They have to have so much exposition and explain everything and set everything up so fast. In the first 15 minutes of Bionic Woman, the following occurs: we meet the evil killer bionic woman, who is killed by one of her cohorts after a rampage; we're introduced to Jamie and her job as a bartender; we meet her kid sister and see them argue about their absent father; we meet her boyfriend the professor/scientist; and we find out that Jamie is pregnant.

NBC has brought in Friday Night Lights executive producer Jason Katims to consult on Bionic Woman, after Glen Morgan left over those curious 'creative differences.' It's certainly not a new story, a producer getting an extra iron in the fire even though they have a show already on the schedule. Although, usually we see this with producers who have established hits on their hands. This one comes as a bit of a surprise to me, given the tenuous nature of FNL's position.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as much in the bag for the show, and Katims, as anybody. But we have to be realistic and admit that the renewal did come as something of a surprise after the way the show performed in the ratings last season. Renewing it was a gamble for the network, so is pulling one of the people credited with giving it that quality away to work on another show really the best idea? I certainly think that Katims can be a help to the Bionic Woman team, but I hope that Friday Night Lights doesn't suffer for it.