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06/29/2012

So I have to admit that my work on my sex glossary has come to a slow crawl--yeah, it's not going so great.

A few weeks ago I was delighted that someone found my glossary and asked me to help contribute some sex terms they were together for the website iVillage.com. I didn't know this, but apparently iVillage is the women's site for NBC. Kate was super sweet and buttered me up by saying she found my sex glossary to be "hilarious & fascinating to read!" And just for the record, this is my preferred way of being approached.

I'm going be working like a bunny for the next few weeks on finishing off my glossary. My plan is to get it done by the time I go on vacation the end of August. Don't worry, I'll be back to my regularly blogging soon enough.

Also, let me know if you have specific words you would like to see defined in my sex glossary.

Once upon a time, I taught sex ed to high schoolers. Not to brag or anything, but I could roll a condom onto a banana in front of a classroom of 15-year-olds and maintain my composure. No big deal.

What I had a harder time maintaining composure about, though, were the egregiously misguided myths about sex that so many teens still harbored. And as it turns out, a lot of these myths are widespread.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the top five myths about sex that our nation's future believes to be true:

2. Too much masturbation will damage your sexual organs. This is basically the modern-day version of "jerking off will grow hair on your palms." Teens might be extra likely to believe it because no one is telling them about how masturbation is actually healthy and normal.

But "genitals are meant to have a lot of stimulation," says Catherine Toyooka, sex educator and founder of Catherine Coaches. "Unless you are using sex toys in a way that is not recommended, like putting a vibrating bullet up your butt, you are not going to do damage."

3. Sex toys can cause STDs. Now, there is some truth to this one. If you're using a sex toy with another person, and you pass it back and forth, and you don't clean it, and that other person has an STD, then yeah, the toy can be a conduit.

Similarly, if you're riding that rabbit by yourself and you have an STD, you could reinfect yourself later on, says sex educator Sandra Daugherty, of the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast.

But if there's no STD to begin with, sex toys alone won't give you one.

4. Jumping up and down after sex will keep you from getting pregnant.Gravity, right? We can all get on board with that. (I know some of you grown-ups out there are asking yourselves even as we speak, "Wait, is that really a myth"? It's OK. This is a safe space).

But no -- like Las Vegas, what happens in the vagina stays in the vagina. "Sperm can live quite happily in the uterus for up to seven days," says Toyooka, "so no amount of jumping is going to get that stuff out."

5. Drinking Mountain Dew is a form of contraception. The idea behind this myth is that a dye used in Mountain Dew called Yellow 5 lowers a man's sperm count; fewer sperm, less risk of pregnancy. But this is a falsehood.

"Generally, there's nothing in our foods that's going to stop us from getting pregnant," said Daugherty. "There would be a lot less pregnancy going on if that were the case."

I was delighted and surprised to see her involvement in a viral video called "Dealbreaker" the band White on Rice (she is part of the 3 person group).

Get ready to see Norah Jones as you've never seen her before. She acts campy, wears wigs and costumes, hams it up, and manages to look like she is having the time of her life. I'm not kidding when I say I peed a little when I first saw the video.

(yep, that's her on the far right!)

Being that it is Valentine's Day, it is apropos to post this hilarious video about the ups and downs of dating.

Here are the lyrics, but I warn you, they are in all caps so reading them is kind of a bitch.

LYRICS:

NOW, BACHELOR # 1, IS A GENTLEMAN HE HOLDS THE DOOR, HAILS THE CAB, HIS SHIRT IS TUCKED IN. I FINALLY FOUND A MAN WITH A JOB, HE GOT HIS SHIT TOGETHER SOMEONE PINCH ME PLEASE GIRL YOU MUST BE DREAMIN

ITS TIME TO GET IT ON LET'S SEE SOME FIRE WORKS HE GOT HER SCREAMIN SO YOU'D THINK THAT SHE'S ENJOYING THE PERKS HA! BUT IT'S THE NASTY BREATH THAT MAKES ME HAVE TO DISS BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES MR HALITOSIS

DEALBREAKER YOURE JUST WASTIN' MY TIME UP TIL NOW EVERYTHING WAS GOING JUST FINE I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND A PERFECT MAN, TIL YOU RELEASED THE DRAGON LADY BONER'S SAGGIN WHY'D YA HAVE TO GO AND BREAK A DEAL LIKE THAT

BACHELOR # 2 IS LOOKING FINE, OH MY HE TREATS ME REALLY NICE, HE LIKES TO WINE AND DINE HE TAKES HER TO THE MET AND SYMPHONY AND BUYS HER JIMMY CHOOS I THINK SHE FOUND A POT OF GOLD HER PERFECT VALENTINE.

THE NIGHT WAS CRAZY HAZY SO I'M SLEEPING IN HE CURLS UP RIGHT BEHIND ME AND HE'S WHISPERING. "UH OH! IS SOMEBODY A WITTLE BIT COWD? " THIS FOOL IS BABY TALKIN ME LIKE I AM 4 YEARS OLD.

DEALBREAKER YOURE JUST WASTIN' MY TIME UP TIL NOW EVERYTHING WAS GOING JUST FINE I DON'T WANT TO RUB YOUR BA-BY FAT YOU GOTCHA DIAPER POOPY, CRYIN FOR THE BOOBY, WHY'D YA HAVE TO GO AND BREAK A DEAL LIKE THAT?

IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO SEE WHAT IS WRONG WITH BACHELOR 3 YOUD HOPE TO ONLY SEE THIS ON REALITY TV. BECAUSE WHEN IT'S TIME TO HIT IT HE FORGETS TO USE HIS ARMS HE'S A CADAVER HE JUST LAYS ALL OF HIS WEIGHT ON ME NOW HIS PELVIS MIGHT BE PUMPIN LIKE A TROPHY BUCK BUT HE'S CRUSHING THIS FLOWER LIKE A MONSTER TRUCK HE MIGHT HAVE A NICE BODY WITH ROCK HARD PECS GIRL YOU KNOW I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR DEAD CORPSE SEX.

THERE'S A HAPPY ENDING TO THIS TALE SO DON'T YOU FRET CUT TO ME WITH JAMES (FRANCO) HEADING TO HIS PRIVATE JET YEAH I'LL HAVE ANOTHER MIMOSA WITH A MANICURE ON OUR WAY TO PARIS JUST TO GET AWAY, "BONJOUR"

SO LADIES YOU JUST HAVE TO PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT AND YOU CAN BE LIKE ME WITH FRANCO EVERY SIN-GLE NIGHT HES PULLING DOWN HIS PANTS AND UNBUTTONING MY BLOUSE HE'S PACKIN MORE BUSH THAN THE WHITE HOUSE!

DEALBREAKER YOURE JUST WASTIN' MY TME UP TIL NOW EVERYTHING WAS GOING JUST FINE I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND THE MAN OF MY DREAMS, SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE HIS PENIS SMELLS LIKE PEE, NOW I'MA HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS BROKEN DEAL.

While I am not a fan of tampons, many vagina owners use them on a monthly basis. My personal reasons for not using them is twofold; they cause me to have wicked cramps and I know someone who almost DIED because of Toxic Shock Syndrome. I am much more partial to using Diva Cups and the Instead Soft Cup.

Tampons, it seems, are a hot topic.

FYI, I get the whole soaking tampons in alcohol thing. It is no different from when people take a nostril inhaler, dump out the contents, put in alcohol, and then squirt it into their rectum. Mucous membranes are an efficient way of getting substances into the blood stream. However, it generally is not something that is recommended. Vaginal and rectal tissue is really, really sensitive and introducing alcohol into either of them is dangerous.

Becca Brewer, who I've written about before (remember she is the fabulous creator of the FREE download of the WWWcharts), posted a blog article about how a vagina owner (and fans of) can save the world by ditching pads and tampons. She has graciously allowed me to re-run her blog post that was originally posted on April 26, 2010.

How Ditching Pads and Tampons Can Save The World

Those of you who are close to me know how much I love Menstrual Cups. When I began to hash this post out, I was simply going to rave about how amazing menstrual cups are.

And believe me, they are. They last for up to 10 years, can be worn for up to 12 hours, are hypoallergenic, have no TSS risks, don’t suck away the body’s natural fluids, are easy to carry, easy to transport, and are really cheap. Plus it’s my personal opinion that because they require manual removal by putting your fingers in your vag that they eventually make you less grossed out about periods, and help you to become more connected to what’s going on with your body.

But this post is not about all that stuff. This post is specifically going to speak to helping you all think more critically about how pads and tampons affect the environment.

DUDES. FELLAS. GUYS. PEOPLE WHO DON’T MENSTRUATE. This post is for you too. Even though I know that you don’t surf the crimson wave, I’m assuming that you may know one person who does. Maybe you have a wife or a girlfriend. Maybe you have a sister or a mom or an aunt or a daughter. Maybe you have a female friend. Maybe you know someone with a uterus. Even though you can’t use a menstrual cup, you can forward this post along or have a conversation with your uterus bearing acquaintance.

So let’s get on with it!

Pads and Tampons made by mainstream companies (Tampax, Kotex, OB, Playtex, Always, etc), are made in such a way that they do not biodegrade. This means that when you use these products, they will sit in a landfill far after you’ve stopped menstruating and even long after you’re no longer on this earth (either because of interplanetary travel or, you know, death).

And I’m not just talking the actual pads/tampons themselves. There are also the plastic tampon applicators, the plastic packaging that the pads/tampons come in, and any plastic packaging used to sell the products in multiples (assuming it’s a non-recyclable plastic).

All of it becomes waste that just sits in a landfill forever.

How much waste? Let’s do some math!

• Tampons are about 5 cubic inches in size.• Since I’m supposed to change my tampon every 4-6 hours, I’ll probably use about 6 per day.• If my cycle is 5 days, that’s 30 tampons.• Every cycle, I will create about 150 in3 (or .01 ft3) of waste that will sit in a landfill forever.• If I menstruate from the age of 11 to the age of 51 every 28 days; that means that I will have 521 cycles over the course of my menstruating life.• Over the course of my lifetime, I will leave behind 78,150 in3 (45 ft3) of non-biodegradable waste.• To reiterate that, I will leave behind a box that measures 3’ x 3’ x 5’ of used tampons (plus all of the plastic waste that came with my tampons) as a gift the next generation has to deal with. (And that box will be larger if I use pads.)

Now a 3’ x 3’ x 5’ box doesn’t seem like all that much space. Except, I hate to break this to you all, I am not the only menstruating woman in the world.

There are about 3 billion women in the world, actually. At some point in their lives, if not currently, most of these women will experience menstruation. Which means that even though I only fill a small box personally, if even a quarter of the women in the world use mainstream tampons … we’re working together to create some serious long-lasting waste.

To counterpoint this with Menstrual Cups; here’s some more math:• Menstrual Cups are about 1.6 in3 (.0009 ft3) in size.• Over the course of my lifetime, I might go through 5 menstrual cups.• Which means, if the cup doesn’t biodegrade (some do), I will leave 8 in3 (.005 ft3) of waste behind.• To reiterate, that is a box that is 2” x 2” x 2” of waste over the course of a lifetime. (Note that this is a tiny 2 inch cube, and the last example was a box measured in feet).• The cardboard box (if it came in one) and the paper instructions, along with the fabric bags I carried my cup in were all recycled or will biodegrade.

In addition to landfill space, there’s also the manufacturing process to think about. Now, I’m not a tampon manufacturer and I surely don’t know the process involved, however I’m assuming that to manufacture tampons, one needs electricity, raw materials, chemicals, and water.

Which are things you also need in manufacturing menstrual cups.

But, because I’m all about math right now, let’s look at this in numbers again.

• If we go back to the 30 tampons per cycle and 521 cycles in a lifetime model, over the course of my lifetime, I will need 15,360 tampons.• Let’s say I buy my tampons in 20 packs. This means I’ll need 782 packs of tampons over the course of my lifetime.

In thinking about my tampon use, I need to think about more than just the waste that results when I discard my tampons. I also need to think about all the resources required to make them AND the resources required to make the packaging my tampons come in. (Not to mention the shipping process that gets them into stores).

I need to think about this with menstrual cups too, but over the course of my lifetime, I may only need 5.

15,360 is way more than 5. 782 is way more than 5.

So even if it takes more resources to make 1 menstrual cup than it does to make 1 tampon, I’m using so many less menstrual cups that in the battle of both product and packaging manufacture, using tampons results in a much greater environmental strain.

Not to mention that tampons and pads are manufactured with chemicals (bleaching agents, adhesives, etc) that (while being bad for your body) also leach into the soil after you’ve thrown them away.

Now in terms of why they’re manufactured this way, I have no answers for you. But I can tell you that you’re not powerless in all this.

So what can you do?

Depends on your commitment. I’ll break it down for you:

Starting Small:• Switch to tampons that don’t use applicators or that use cardboard applicators instead of plastic applicators, thereby getting rid of applicator waste.• Use the smallest pads/tampons possible for your flow to cut down on the number of pads/tampons you’re using per cycle. (Don’t, however, leave them in/on longer as that could result in TSS or infection.)• Switch from pads to tampons. • Forward this post to other people you think should know about this.

Getting Serious• Switch to 100% cotton pads/tampons (Natracare, 7th Generation, etc) because they will biodegrade AND because their packaging is often paper-based and recyclable.• Write to the mainstream pad and tampon companies asking why they’re not making environmentally conscious products.• Ask your local drug stores, health food stores, and other retailers to have products like 100% cotton pads and tampons, cups, and reusable pads in stock.

Go Big or Go Home• Switch to a menstrual cup (Moon Cup, Diva Cup, The Keeper, Miacup, Lunette).• Switch to a washable, reusable pad (Glad Rags, Lunapads, etc.)• Start a petition to major corporations demanding they change the way their products are made.• Start a petition asking major tampon/pad companies to start manufacturing a line of ‘Green’ products.• Petition large retailers (like Target, Walgreens, Rite-Aid, etc) to carry products like cups, reusable pads and 100% cotton products for purchase.

In Conclusion

Go Green! And although I didn’t mention this specifically, this is one of those instances that by going green, you’re also going to save some green. Do I hear more math? Hell yeah!

• So, we’ve already discovered that I’m going to use 15,360 tampons over the course of my life. • I randomly looked up tampons on Amazon and the cheapest deal I could find was $.15 per tampon.• Which brings my lifetime grand total to: $2304 (pre tax and shipping).

• I’ve estimated 5 menstrual cups over a lifetime, but I’m going to up it to 10 for this example (people lose things, burn things, etc).• On Amazon (although I’ve found them cheaper elsewhere) the cheapest cup price is $22.• Which brings my lifetime grand total to: $220 (pre tax and shipping).

A total savings of: $2084

By switching to a cup, you’ll be saving your bank account AND the world.

01/12/2012

I admit that it tickles me that my last post on Sex Nerd Sandra was so well received....but, unfortunately, I've got a touch of writer's block.

I think it has to do with my newest project, CatherinesSexGlossary. Somehow I've managed to post **210 definitions in only a few weeks. Crazy stuff, right? If you check it out my new blog and like it, please do me a solid and 'Digg' it (if you happen to have an account).

I'll be back in a few days.

If there is a particular topic you would like to see me tackle here, feel free to leave me a blog comment or shoot me an email (catherine@catherinecoaches.com).

Smooches

**If you see something inaccurate or a term that could be worded better, please let me know.**

01/09/2012

Sandra Daugherty--aka Sex Nerd Sandra--is super awesome. When you are a sex educator or someone in the community, you tend to hear a lot about people who you have never met. You may be friends with them on social media, but have never met them in person. Attending professional conferences like AASECT and SSSS are wonderful ways of putting faces to names.

I had the pleasure of meeting Sandra in person this past spring and immediately liked her. I later learned that, when we first met, she had mixed feelings about me. You know how sometimes there are just those people you meet who, for what ever reason, remind you of someone else? Well, I was one of those people for Sandra (and not in the good way). Thank goodness she acknowledged those feelings and decided to say "Hey, Catherine isn't (insert name here), so I might as well get to know her further."

I tend to be one of those people who remind you of other people, and that can either be a really good thing or a really bad thing.

Sandra has been working as a sex educator at The Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles for almost 4 years. She also is the resident sex blogger for nerdist.com and has her own fabulous "Sex Nerd Sandra" podcast. The SNS podcast is immensely popular, and I was lucky enough to be one of her first guests for the live taping of the 'G Spot TMI' podcast this summer. The podcasts are really amazing and her whole philosophy behind them is to keep things real and relateable.

It is difficult for me to put into words how much I like Sandra. Sandra is super smart, approachable, funny as shit, and, due to being mixed race, is rocking a mysterious and exotic look. She doesn't take herself too seriously and is someone who hasn't let the whole Hollywood "people totally know who I am" thing change who she is.

Sandra is someone who is super nerdy about the topics of sex and sexuality and will spend a colossal amount of time doing research. Because she works in retail, she knows practically everything about sex toys. I'm not kidding, she is someone who will open the toy just to see how it is put together and she has been known for putting together a sort of franken-sextoy by utilizing parts of 2 or more toys. That, my friends, is what you call commitment!

Getting to know someone who calls herself "Sex Nerd Sandra" is pretty amazing. But can you imagine my complete surprise when I discovered that her SNS podcast is hosted by Nerdist Industries? As you probably know, I have great affection for Chris Hardwick (@nerdist), and have made that pretty clear. After all, he is the person I blame for introducing me to the concept of cake farts. For someone who is hugely anally fixated, this is not something easily forgotten! Cake farts aside, I have been an enthusiastic fan of his for years as he is a stand up comic, often appears on the Chelsea Lately round-table, and is the host of Web Soup and his Nerdist.com podcast. Finding out that Sandra is associated with him was just the cherry on top of a big ole bucket of awesome.

If you live in the Los Angeles area and are looking for a qualified sexuality speaker for a college event, private party, or special event, I highly recommend Sandra. You can follow her on twitter @sexnerdsandra and become her facebook fan here.

01/05/2012

About 5 years ago I met someone in person who knocked my socks off. Smart as a whip, confident, down to earth, fearless, and easy on the eyes are terms that come to mind when I think about Becca Brewer.

Quite frankly, she was the bomb. She still is.

You all are probably familiar with her name because I have used some of her "BeccasSexBlog" posts as she graciously allowed me to rerun a few that are my most favorite.

Becca is what I would consider a certified gold sex educator.

Her newest venture is called "SmartHotFun", and you can find out all about her, the work she does, and how to contact her from her website.

Becca has taken the time and love to put together a super comprehensive set of charts called the Want!Will...Won't.Chart. This is an amaze-balls tool that helps you clarify exactly what YOU want when it comes to sexual activity. This chart can be used by anyone regardless of your current sex situation. Think of it as a kind of Yes, No, Maybe chart, only way better.

Becca has given me permission to distribute her chart to my readers. You can download it from my website by going here. You can also get to it by clicking on the "Get Our Free Want!Will...Won't.Chart" button found in the upper left of my blog.

This pdf download will be sent for FREE to the email address you provide.

One word of caution is that this chart is the mother of all charts. It comes with a full set of instructions, and you can fill it out at your leisure. There is no time limit and you can feel free to share some or all of your results with your partner(s) when ever you are ready. If you never want to show the chart to someone you are sleeping with, that is totally alright. It is more of an empowerment tool for YOU.

12/31/2011

As someone who is a pretty active blogger, I tend to kinda geek out on my analytics.

Ok, really geek out.

Here is a list of my favorite search terms in no particular order:

HBO Real Sex**

Analingus "yeast infection"

STI in the eye

Geeks are willing to experiment

What is a vulva supposed to look like?

Can a guy get yeast infections in his throat?

Kardashian vulva puppets**

Booty bump absorption

Can I bring sex toys to college?

Chlamydia in the throat, eyes

How to make my vagina pinker?

My boyfriend wants cock when he is doing crystal meth

Why do people suck dildos?

Is it gay for a dude to suck dildos?

Anal pap smear

TSA sex toys

How to make my anus pinker

Cruising/flirting workshops for gay men

Anal douche secrets

A person who likes to have sex with potatoes

Pretty awesome list, right?

I'm not at all shocked to see people coming to my blog with genital shame. I hope that they walk away feeling more normal and secure in their genitals. Seriously, I really hope they don't leave my blog to go buy genital bleaching creams!

And as far as the "person who likes to have sex with potatoes" person is concerned....I'm kinda at a loss for words.

**I have no idea how the HBO Real Sex thing factors into my blog. The show hasn't even had new shows in a dozen (give or take) years.

**It brings me an enormous amount of glee that people find my blog searching for Kardashian vulva puppets. It is no secret that I named my 3 mini vulva puppets after them. The fact that my Kardashian naming might have caught on is equally ridiculous and amazing.

Also, I am not the only person making a list of my favorite blog finding search terms. My friend and super rad educator, Becca Brewer (of SmartHotFun.com), has her own list. Check it out here.

12/23/2011

I wanted to write this particular blog post to express my sincere and heartfelt appreciation to everyone who enjoys my blog.

Like I've mentioned before, I really had to be talked into blogging. There were and still are so many great bloggers out there that I didn't think I had anything that is super important, new, or different to add. It definitely took a while for me to find my blogging voice, which happens to be very similar to the way I talk with other people. Many of my friends say they enjoy my blog because they can hear me saying the words as if we are in a conversation. That alone is pretty amazing.

The fact that my little blog has gotten a lot of positive attention deeply humbles me.

I'm someone who doesn't have an advanced degree in sexuality, and I think I worried if I would be accepted due to my obvious non-research like writing style.

I'm also someone who doesn't write in fascinating and juicy details about my sexual exploits, so, of course, I worried if I would ever find an audience. Making the decision to not put pornography or other x rated pictures or visuals on my blog was probably not the brightest idea for a sex blogger, but it felt and still feels like the right decision for me.

One of the over-riding themes of my life is dealing with the reality that I am not always accepted. The funny thing is that I absolutely believe I have the right to be anyplace I wish to be. However, it has been my experience that having the belief I belong anywhere and reality do not always match up. I have the amazing ability to ruminate on why someone would suggest, imply, or flat out tell me that I don't belong somewhere. It ain't pretty, but it is how I often feel.

In all honesty, having people write about my blog in glowing terms feels like the sex gods are giving me a high five.

That is, in fact, a big ol bucket of awesome. As someone who is super quirky about sex toys, I completely appreciate the comment about having the best sex toy recommendations! And it is super-duper awesome that my Ginormous Sex Term Glossary was highlighted.

My whole philosophy is to spread the word far and wide that sex and sexuality are nothing to be ashamed of and the specific goals for my blog are to educate, entertain, and inform. It is times like these that make me feel like I've nailed all 3!

12/19/2011

Thanks to the fabulousness that is twitter, I have become friends with a totally fierce woman.

Abiola Abrams (@abiolatv) is a force to be reckoned with! Since I would never be able to do her mini biography justice, so here is how she describes herself

Celebrity Love & Lifestyle Journalist

Author, Personality, Love & Lifestyle Expert

Abiola Abrams, your favorite bad girl + good woman, writes books, blogs and columns and broadcasts TV, radio and web series about love, lifestyle and pop culture. This year the love and lifestyle expert has been an MTV Teen Dating Empowerment Coach on the docu-reality series "Made," reported on celebrity news and relationships as a BBC Radio Entertainment Correspondent, been a featured columnist on love and sex for Yahoo Shine and celebs for Yahoo OMG!, talked about and written about love for Essence, blogged on her lifestyle site "Abiola's Passionista Playbook," and hosts/produces her own award-winning web TV series and advice vlogs.

Abiola's upcoming book, The Official Bombshell Handbook, is part humorous memoir, part fun handbook, about living with passion. Dare (Simon & Schuster), a hip hop love story, Abiola's popular debut novel was taught at Amherst College and her provocative writing has been published in anthologies such as Behind the Bedroom Door, Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex, Say Word: Voices from Hip Hop Theater and Eve Ensler's A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant and A Prayer.

She posted a blog on Yahoo Voices today and I have been lucky enough to get her permission to re-run it on my blog.

New Boyfriend Meeting the Family? Holiday Dos and Don'ts

The holidays are upon us. This time of year can be stressful for many of us. If you're in a new relationship you may feel simultaneously excited and terrified. It can be an anxiety-inducing situation to be around your family by themselves. This year, however, you are bringing home a new beau. You love him and and you hope that your family does too.

So, what can go wrong when introducing your boyfriend or girlfriend to your family? Everything!

The Dos and Don'ts Of Bringing Home A New Love:

DO prepare everyone in advance.

A surprise is great under the tree but when introducing a new partner to your possibly temperamental family you want to be as prepared as possible. If you know that Great Uncle Arthur is smelly or that your guy has a thing for getting into political fights, warn all parties ahead of time. Wouldn't you want to know before meeting your man's family that his dad may touch your hair and ask you whether it's real?

DO ease into the situation.

Your new squeeze may wish to jump in and immediately be a part of the fam but that's just not realistic. There are things about a family dynamic that an outsider, beloved or not, needs to ease their way into. If your brother teases your dude it's okay for him to tease back but he should not under any circumstance jump into the midst of or attempt to mediate a family squabble.

DON'T stage anything.

Don't put on airs or tell anyone what to say. Everyone and everything should be authentic. If you live in a gritty cabin in Kentucky don't splurge for a posh hotel spot solely for the purpose of impressing the new boo. If someone loves you they will love all of you, including where you come from. If they can't hack your family digs then they aren't for you. Better you find out sooner than later.

DON'T be a nervous wreck.

The holidays are meant to be fun, above all. The reason you are introducing these two parties to each other is that they are both important to you. Release the need for everything to be perfect. It won't be.

Someone will say something they shouldn't. Someone else will pass gas at an inappropriate time. Whatever. It happens. This is not easy -- I'm talking to me as much as I'm talking to you. Things will go wrong but while you're up in your childhood bedroom crying about it you may be missing some of the best future memories of your life.

Life is meant to be lived. Get your hands dirty and get in your game. Besides, after your sweetie meets the bunch of nuts you're related to you'll be meeting his family madness as well. This, is the game of life.