Why Do Vampires Wear Helmets?

It’s not just a cutesy question, although I assume the answer is to protect themselves from the odd flying wood chunk. Why do they adhere to any societal norms like that? Do they wear seatbelts? Cross at the lights? They do, right?

I further wonder who’s the one holding the gun to these kids’ heads demanding that they finish high school? I mean, Mrs. Lockwood is one thing, but her little hybrid, badass though he is, is lucky just to be alive these days (thanks to Hayley, apparently? Do you suppose the actress’ headshot just has a picture of her and Mila Kunis beside one another? “Can you see the difference? I can’t see the difference.”)
Caroline and Elena and Matt are all still 18, even if some of them are going to live forever but it’s not like Stefan hasn’t had time to learn physics before now.

No, they go because it’s being part of a society, and that’s what people do – they go places and show up and do things. Lying in wait in the middle of a forest or crypt waiting for food isn’t just depressing, it’s also kind of lazy, isn’t it? The real test of being a vampire is whether you can pass as an upstanding citizen every day while still indulging desires of the flesh. It’s why these vampires are admirable – don’t laugh – because they extend their definition of who they are all the time.

This is why I like Rebekah so much. Even knowing that she’s one of the originals, around for a thousand years, I still buy that this is her first time in high school and by God she is going to give it her all. When else would she have had the chance to throw a kegger? She was asleep while they were inventing kegs, let alone selling them to high schoolers. But this means something to her – to be able to blend in a group of adolescents. I mean, yeah, it’s not lost on anyone that her malicious streak towards Elena isn’t just vicious, it’s carefully disguised as high school meangirling. But she wants to belong so badly or at least know what it feels like that she’ll go through all the other motions -- because you KNOW that she studies what brand of jeans is in this year -- to make it authentic. It’s really kind of poetic, you know? In addition to everything else that’s sad about Rebekah, I’ve always felt sorry that she was the only girl among all the brothers. Sometimes I think that’s what she’s making up for.

Speaking of authentic girls making up for things -- I am Not. Feeling. April. Am I supposed to? Because every time she comes onscreen I get the creeps. It’s partly her lack of affect in the face of terrible things that have happened to her, but also just how sardonic and comfortable she is in the face of the allegedly “older} kids. (Nina Dobrev and Candice Accola still sitting in high school desks is one thing, Paul Wesley wedging into one made me laugh out loud.)

Who could April be, beyond just a font of information about her probably crazy father? How long do we have to endure her dead eyes of indifference?

And now, let’s talk about sex.

I think my feelings here have been made quite clear, but let me just state them for the record: Damon’s devil-may-care is attractive; the way he gets himself into situations and then is kind of eye-rolly about how he might die is entertaining. His general demeanor of not taking things all that seriously is appealing, because oh my god it’s just Life, you know?

Stefan’s overly cautious nature is understandable. He spills to Caroline that he can’t let go. But in the moment when he does – when he can finally not hold back with Elena in bed (we assume he’s been extra restrained before now) she has flashes of Damon. She was about to have more flashes of Damon earlier in the episode, and that’s not just a pun. Elena has been holding herself back from her desires for Damon for some time – out of a sense of propriety? Because Stefan was gentler when he introduced her to the world? Because Stefan has a level of respect for who the old Elena was?

It’s not just about sex although …let’s get to that scene this season, shall we? It’s about letting go, it’s about basking in the benefits of being a vampire, since there are so many negatives, it seems only fair, right? If you feel more intensely and every nerve is turned up to 11, it kind of seems right to be able to let go entirely, and the thing is, Stefan seems to still feel guilty for that. All of the time. Damon never feels guilty – at least, not about being a vampire and what that entails – so when he says with seriousness that he’s going to help Elena, doesn’t it feel way more real?

A quick side note before we go – I am never happier than when two unlikely partners team up, so let’s hear it for the buddy comedy that is Klaus and Connor, even though I wasn’t so sure on his intelligence after he was duped by Jeremy. Of all people. I do love Jeremy, and that he’s beginning to play his whole “willfully oblivious” thing in order to be a dupe for the gang all the time, but still. How much of a hunter can Connor be? It’s Jeremy.

Speaking of Jeremy, of all people, notice who we didn’t see at all, this episode? More importantly, notice who was broken up about it? Nobody. Interesting, right?