Jan 14, 2013

Ode to Lena Dunham

I'd like to take this moment to say, "Hey!"
To this fine young woman who beat out Tiny Fey.
It's not that I don't love her too, 'cos I do,
But it was quite the shit that went down yesterday.

It's like a little indie band beating out Geffen,
Or singing the alphabet backwards after 8 shots of gin.
It just didn't seem quite possible
To beat all odds and have Lena Dunham to win.

It's true that I wasn't worried about Zooey whatsherfuckingface.
If she won it would've been a serious disgrace,
But the others made for a tough and stellar line up!
And here's where I'd want to add a clever and hilarious rhyme about a poker face but Gaga went and fucked up that phrase for at least the next 2 generations, minimum. You and Drake should hang out and together should laugh about how you two have successfully contributed to ruining much of our vernacular.

Anyways, here's to you, Lena, for accomplishing so much.
I mean, it's not really about winning, but of whom you touch.
Your characters are real and quirky and complex.
And sex is perfectly addressed; you don't use it as a 'go to' crutch.

Your writing is tight but your girls aren't . . . overly.
I nearly wet myself when you wrote about HPV.
I wanna squeeze your sexy love handles with joy; is that okay?
I see much of myself in you, except of course that you're younger, smarter, funnier and let's not even try to compare motivation levels because while you are up there writing and producing and directing and winning and shit, I'm . . . well . . . right here, on the couch, eating Reese pieces and sipping on cold coffee I made 4 hours ago, thinking about all the screenplays and miniseries that are floating around in my head but will most likely never get put to paper.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is . . .CONGRATULATIONS.
You deserve it.