Another Obligatory Valentine’s Day Post

It seems almost too clichéd for a divorced woman who is single on Valentine’s Day to write a post about it, but I hope that you will indulge me. Let me begin by saying that whether in or out of a relationship, I never have liked Valentine’s Day, which is why I was surprised how immensely sad I have felt on this day of commercialized love and affection. These feelings moved in almost as soon as I opened my eyes, and as the day comes to an end, they remain.

It started innocently enough. I checked social media, as I sipped a cup of hot tea, and I immediately found myself bombarded with pictures of floral arrangements, stuffed animals, heart-shaped pancakes, jewelry, and every other imaginable materialization of one’s love and affection. The pictures were topped only by proclamations of what seemed like everyone on the planet having the best spouse, best girlfriend/boyfriend, best surprise gift, and basically the best Valentine’s Day in history. While I always am happy for my friends and family, and I am a big fan of love in all of its forms, I suddenly felt myself feeling blue in the midst of all of the red.

As I felt big tears pool in my eyes and shamefully roll down my red-hot cheeks, I tried to focus on the many positive things in my life and told myself that this didn’t matter. The problem was, and is, it did matter. It does matter. A lot. It is difficult to share this, for fear that I either will come across as being bitter or desperate. I am neither.

When I read people’s descriptions of being “the luckiest girl in the world”, “so blessed”, and other variations of these superlatives to express how their own Valentine made them feel and how amazing their relationship is, I began to question what my single status says about me. Am I not lucky? Am I not blessed? Of course, I believe that I am both, and I genuinely love myself and enjoy my own company. I even have the ringing endorsement from the guy who broke up with me who assured me that I was “amazing” and that “it’s not you, it’s me”. Did I mention he broke up with me via text?! I digress, and I would be lying if I said that I would not mind having a Valentine of my own.

I am a self-sufficient, big-hearted person who gives a lot of myself to those around me, but on a day like today, I found myself feeling silly and guilty for wanting to be the recipient, rather than the giver, of some validation, attention, and affection from someone special. Making that admission or confession feels like I am betraying myself or letting down my single sisters everywhere, but I hope I can be forgiven.

12 replies

Exactly. This is exactly how I feel today (and some other days) about being single. I’ve definitely also analyzed the complexity of it – knowing that I am lucky and blessed in life & that I’m neither bitter or desperate, yet feeling silly for wanting to be loved by someone special in the romantic sense.

It’s totally understandable to want to be loved, but I often find that I try to convince myself that I shouldn’t need or want anyone/anything outside of myself to be happy (self-sufficency to the extreme!).

I’ve learned that while it’s true that your happiness cannot depend on someone else, it’s perfectly okay to want & hope for a relationship. Meaningful romantic relationships can make life richer & add happiness in ways other relationships can’t. So why is it a bad thing to want one? It’s not! 🙂

I think it’s hard as self-sufficient women to admit that we want to be loved because we think it implies that we believe we’re incomplete without a lover. We are very much complete though! We are whole people and whole people still crave love. 🙂

As one of your single sisters, I think you should feel proud that you’re being honest about wanting romantic fulfillment. Reading your blog entry definitely gave me some relief in knowing that I’m not alone in my situation.

Diana, I simply cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share this! You stated so eloquently what I wanted to share, and this resonated deeply with me. Thank you for understanding, and I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day and a happy every other day, as well:)

Dear Kristi,
It is completely normal to feel unsatiafactory in some manner on this day when the whole world is proclaiming all kinds of love.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. It is one lousy day a year and it is already over 🙂
Sending lots of love and hugs your way!

I think about people who went from their parents’ home to a marriage with no break and feel it’s kind of sad they have no experience of the wonders of solitude…I know the pendulum will swing and your life will change, but you are so smart to embrace this time of self-sufficiency. (And really–can all those ‘best’ claims be true? One said, “For all of you who asked what G. got me for Valentine’s Day: life with G. is the BEST Valentine, every day!!!”…which I read to mean that sucker forgot to get her anything!!! Lot of wishful thinking among the heart-felt’s out there!)

Thank you so very much for sharing your perspective and giving me a good laugh, as both are greatly appreciated! I reminded myself that social media is not always representative of what really goes on off-line, and I also realized that even if it is, it doesn’t mean that I won’t have a healthy, happy relationship of my own one day.

I’m pretty sure, without knowing it, you wrote this post about me :-). I’ve found new ways to think about it and even wrote about it yesterday. But, it’s still tough to be a single girl on Valentine’s Day. Great post!

You are one special person Kristi. Don’t let any silly kind of made up ‘holiday’ bring you down. From the mouth of my 4-year-old “Cupid is bad!” “Why?” I asked and she says “Because he shoots people!” 🙂

Kristi you are a jewel, a diamond, a 🌹. You are what Valentines are all about. Not just today but everyday. You’re light shines bright and you bring joy to those around you. I’ve been meaning to thank you and have procrastinated.
Now I know why because there is no better day than this to do just that! Thank you! ❤️
Don’t feel sad on this day of Love. You are a Valentine to many, including me.
Happy Valentine’s Day ❣️