Conservatives pledge withdrawal from all local services by 2014

As part of his plans for a ‘Big Society’ Prime Minister David Cameron today revealed a timetable for the final handover of all essential services to charities and private organisations by 2014.

In a press conference statement he outlined plans for the final transition of power for key public services, describing the government’s eleven week campaign against crime, poverty and poor education as an ‘unsustainable drain on public spending’.

The announcement marks a landmark shift in the government’s strategy for combating the threat posed by social and economic forces in the country.

Since taking office in May 2010 the government has deployed up to half a million public servants across some of the less privileged areas of the country. However, growing criticism of the campaign from senior Conservatives has led to agreement that continued involvement of government forces in the affected regions is unlikely to result in any lasting or significant improvement in the situation. Conservative policy advisors have labelled the struggle as ‘unwinnable’ by the government.

‘This government can no longer support efforts to ensure social security in the region. We must work towards handing control back to local voluntary forces’ Mr. Cameron said.

Citing recent advances in training and recruitment of local forces the PM declared his confidence that the handover of power was achievable within the timescale.

The plans have been met with cautious support from local leaders. Major Reginald Cartwright commands a West Yorkshire alliance of Neighbourhood Watch, Boy Scouts and St. John’s Ambulance volunteers who have received commendation for their service in the theatres of minor first-aid and crowd management.
‘We envisage that that experience will allow us in due course to take full control in the war against street gangs and advanced genetic disorders. Hopefully’, said Mjr. Cartwright.

Mr. Cameron refused to be drawn at this stage on the detail of the planned levels of support to be offered by ‘specialist government agency personnel’ during the handover phase but added that the withdrawal would eventually allow the UK to redeploy its social policy forces to other strategically vital theatres, such as Henley.

The announcement was welcomed by public servants and their families who can now look forward to coming home after spending up to four consecutive days at a time working in appalling hostile conditions within a medieval infrastructure.