Thursday, May 16, 2013

My third self published book is now
available for your amusement! 'Shadows: A Collection of Poetry and
Stories' is mostly made up of the mere shadows of greater haunts,
creatures, and fears that are re-assembled into a larger, more
menacing, manifestation. But mostly this book is just full of fun
stories and situations that came spilling out of the labyrinth inside
my head.

Here's an excerpt from 'Very Rare,' a
fun farmers tale about a man and his cow...

So for a few days I tried my damndest to get the ole hag to leave
the barn. I cussed and hollered; talked sweet, made promises; hell I
even tried pushin her out of her stall and barely got out without
gettin my head caved in! On that followin Thursday it was a nice
dry, hot, sunshinin after noon and after a sixer, I decided that ole
barn desperately needed a cleanin. So I grabbed me a pitchfork and
set to pitchin hay out the door. Most the animals was out in the
pasture lazin like they always do and Gertie was buried deep in a
stall. This didn’t matter to me much, I had me a cooler full of
bottles and all the doors flung wide open as I set about my work.
Everyone knows its much easier to clean out a stinky barn with brews
near by since the alcohol dulls the senses makin it so you don’t
smell the manure much. After a few hours of forkin and tossin I was
half naked, probably stinkin worse than a skunk sprayed dog, and
there was only one stall left while the cooler was empty. Well of
course you can bet that wasn’t settlin well with my mood but I was
bound and determined to finish the job I had set out to doin. So I
started to yellin and a coaxin at Gertie to get her ass out of that
stall so I could clean it. I promised her a nice clean stall with
plenty of straw to live in and even threw in a bale of alfalfa as a
barterin tool. Damned if that ole bitch wouldn’t budge an inch. I
was enterin into a most foul mood by then and wasn’t gonna let no
damn cow get in my way of finishin my job before dark. Hell, I still
had twenty some bales of straw to bust up!

I grabbed me one of them empty bottles I had lined up and heaved it
at the wall behind her. It ricocheted off with a ping and bounced
over her head. With God as my witness I swear that ole bitch growled
at me!