Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Ubaldo Jiménez, with two months to go, tied a Rockies record for wins in a season with 17. It's a random list: Pedro Astacio, Jeff Francis, and someone named Kevin Ritz. Don't hand him the title yet; there's always a chance he could never get another major league win in his career, just like Kevin Ritz. I'm assuming.

•Barry Bonds has a message on his official site for Alex Rodriguez: "Congratulations Alex on hitting your 600th home run today, welcome to the club. Stay healthy and focused, you only have 163 to go. I'll be watching and rooting for you along the way. Good Luck." Translation: if he doesn't have the record any more, maybe the feds will leave him alone.