Then they keep showing panties and saying panties and it's just panties, panties, panties:

Oh, also, sweaty panties!

And there's your 38 grand:

And that's how you Kickstart.

By the way, I'm going to go ahead and assume at least 37 of those grands came from Japan.

You know, 'cause they're way into panties over there.

Panties like these panties:

And don't give me any crap about being sexist. You want to see some men's cycling panties? Here you go:

See that bulge? That's his penis and testicles.

Deal with it.

Wait, what's that, you say? All of this makes you uncomfortable and you wanna keep in unisex? Fine, done:

I like the diagram that shows you how the chamois will aerate your vulva, labia, scranus, vulvanus, pubic mound, glans, testicles, or whatever you've got down there, thereby minimizing or eliminating the prodution of smegma, frumunda, fungus, "cottage cheese," dingleberries, and other cycling-related crotchal by-products:

(It also channels your Clif Bar-induced flatulence.)

See, the Urbanist panties people leave that stuff out of their video, because they're good at marketing, and also panties:

Or you could just go "commando:"

But be warned that it takes years to build up the sort of perineal callus that Mario Cipollini has. Seriously, it's like he's smuggling a turtle down there.

Of course, Afroduck's crucial mistake was not killing a cyclist in the process, because if he had the NYPD would have simply declared "no criminality suspected" and let him go.

Still, I suppose it's heartening they arrested him--though it's worth noting the police didn't actually bother him while he was doing it, presumably because they were too busy ticketing people on Citi Bikes rolling through stop signs at three miles per hour.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and and if you're wrong you'll see "fighting."

Wow, I'm really glad I got an answer wrong, or I would have missed the thrilly in vanilly. Bet the short guy really wished he wouldn't have kicked the helmet at the car, cuz it looked like the car owner was pissed.

Figures Snob had to out-source to Germany to get that GIF (which locals now mispronounce as "Jiff"). Yet another vital artisanal skill lost locally to be replaced with GIF Management courses at the local community college. 5 years from now, all our GIFs will be from China, and the boobies just that much smaller. Better GIFs, with fuller breasts will be available in Manhattan boutiques, but that's for the 1%.

NO NO NO! If you have this scenario, you need another bike, the dedicated voting-gravel bike! Horrible, horrible things could happen in your voting if you use just a normal old gravel bike as your going-to-vote ride!

Wondering if there was ever a Kickstarter for a cycling short "ManSert". When all the hardcore coffee shop cyclists are fredding around they won't feel "inadequate". Speaking of which I need to get going!

I got relaxed in my duties as the BikeSnobNYC Sexism Police, so I just now read this. Admittedly, I am probably not the target audience for Friday's post, but I don't find it particularly clever. However, I do NOT deem it sexist, as I think you have to have more than a 4-year-old sense of humor to be sexist. Furthermore, since it fails to make any point whatsover, we cannot determine whether or not this post is sexist.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!