My not-so-ordinary Posse

So last night was really weird. My husband’s oldest boy Cody called the house. He answered it, but only because he didn’t know the number. I guess Cody asked about coming up here because he told him no that we weren’t up for company tonight due to everyone running in different directions. Truth is though, neither he nor Aley really wants either of them up here even if that hadn’t been the case. They have been pushed way too far and they are tired of taking the shit when they are the ones actually working to make something of their lives and family. Aley for sure is tired of being bullied by his brothers and discounted by the rest of the family merely because he disagrees with them acting like they are totally innocent and everyone else is responsible for the things THEY did to themselves, including this division. He has had his jeep sold from under him, his family has cut ties and refuse to even send him things for holidays unless it is a convoluted delivery system through the extended family members that are helping cause the drama. Like we have EVER kept their mail from them.

Cody showed up anyways, in his usual style for a so-called visit (yes even after we said no) and ended up trying to take things with him that had been passed down to either Aley or Ean since he and Cameron have left. He beat a hasty retreat after being told no. Cameron was up here too but he is too much of a bastard to even come over to see his dad or the dog he raised from a pup and left behind without a thought. Before he left he made it clear he didn’t give a shit about Aley – we knew he wouldn’t come see his brother but the other surprised us (or maybe not his dad since he told his Dad he was trying to ruin his marriage and didn’t care that he was collateral damage). He stayed next door with the neighbors but got a shot in through Cody by trying to get the rug he left here and told Ean to his face he could have. He came back twice to get stuff and was asked what to do with the remainder. Cameron told us to trash it. We stored it and parceled out the other stuff into the other kids’ rooms; my son also inherited Cammie’s dog.

Then the shit talking started. Cody’s newest girlfriend had sent me a friend request on Facebook. I hesitated for days, having already heard the way she acted towards Aley and heard from two other sources that she is a crazy chick who is nothing but trouble. Well instead of judging based on gossip like certain people who shall remain nameless, I decided to friend her and give her a chance, since she professed to both Aley and I that she would love it if the family was back together. I though well gee, finally a like minded person, maybe she can help me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..all a fishing mission to set up Cody wanting his shit back. Then she started slamming me on FB and talking shit about this blog. Like I said when I came back, I could hide it if I wanted to, but I choose not to. And so yes, I broke my nasty stick out and started swinging. I don’t have it all the time anymore but be certain it is still there ready for anyone who Fucks with my family. Even then it isn’t breaking down into name calling – just firmly restating the truth of things. She never truly gave me a chance and that burns my ass to have someone be so two-faced. She was already working on assumptions and then lied to me when I questioned why she wanted to talk to me because I was sure she hadn’t heard good things. She told me they hadn’t said anything negative but then said she had been warned not to talk to me…..and is apparently willing to judge me not on the present, but on the past issues we ALL struggled with. She doesn’t know how hard I fought for them, how much energy and time I spent with and on them. Wonder if she even knows all the football games we cheered at for them or how much driving I did for them…..all the time out with their friends, the doctors, allergist, cardiologist etc.

Truth is that Aley is the only one of the 5 kids from the family they grew up in that has done anything worthwhile. He is going to college for Business Management/Computer Science and working with the family business that is taking off like crazy. Plus we have some plans in the works that will push it over into way too busy. We can’t wait!! He maintains his grades, works, has a busy personal life and also handles the family business. They all dog him and talk down about him calling him an asshole or saying he has been bribed and/or brainwashed and the reality is they are most likely jealous. I can’t see how college compares to a Garden Center worker at Home Depot or a cashier at Walmart……and even the youngers are starting to do things in school and life that neither of the boys could even be bothered with like 4-H and stuff so make it 7 kids total and Aley shines like gold. You can’t polish a turd no matter how hard you try. You can pretend it doesn’t stink but sooner or later it falls apart.

My husband and I talked about it all this morning and decided that no matter what, we only have each other and this household full of family. (with some special exceptions of course for blood and non blood family outside these immediate walls) We decided that we only need each other and those that are willing to be a part of all of our life so we no longer care at all to sweat the small stuff. And even if something weird were to happen and things were to not work out with us (which certainly wouldn’t happen) but neither of us would go back and mend the bridges these people have burned forever. Game over for them and this has been years of their destructive behavior to accomplish this. It isn’t the first or even the hundredth fight out of them so we just won’t play anymore.

Dennis has always been treated like shit by his family even as a kid. He was working at 12 and payed rent just to have his own room as the oldest child – neither his brother or sister had to, they were majorly spoiled. They hated his first wife and they hate me. It is almost like they just don’t want to see HIM happy. No matter what he has done. He has spent his whole life living near and taking care of his father to detriment of his own well being. He has worked military and DOC and now he owns his own business something that his brother couldn’t hang onto when one was given to him but Dennis has built up his own through hard work himself. Does he ever get any credit? No. Not even when he fought and won custody of all three of his boys. I finally got tired of watching how little they cared about all he did and stood up for him as a wife should for her husband and THAT is why I am disliked. Merely for speaking my mind like Cody’s gf feels she is doing. But she sees herself as right and me as a bitch. Funny how we lie to ourselves isn’t it?

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

And as for me, well maybe I am too honest and trusting for my own good. I expect others to be like me. I tell the truth no holds barred even if I am afraid it might hurt someone. And those who love me, I mean REALLY love me, know that I am not being hateful, I just can’t stomach the thought of lies to those I care about. I don’t mean to claim I never fib to save feelings or bite my tongue when it isn’t wise to speak my mind, I’m just saying that you can trust me to not talk shit behind your back and to never say anything I wouldn’t say to someone’s face. If that makes me a raging unlikable bitch then why to I have so many close friends? Why can I go out and make friends easily? Why do all our clients like me so much? Because they KNOW they can trust me.

My friends in return know that even if there are hurt feelings real love and friendship can stand hard truths because we know that truth is always better than lies. I’d rather them say those things to me and vice versa because we have learned with time that often others outside the immediate situation can usually see better not being entangled in all the emotions involved. Who better to understand you than those that have seen you in your beautiful and in your horrible moments.

Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused. ~Alan Cohen