Dumped
by Association

I
can’t eat Cookie Dough Ice Cream. I once had
it, and then got the flu, and will forever associate
the two. Kind of like I could never date a guy who
drove a jeep. A blue one to be exact. Had a bad experience
with a guy who had one…and he ruined it for
all the rest of the jeep guys out there. They could
be perfectly nice, but one bad, tainted experience
ruined it for the rest of them. He was like my flu.
I never want to date a wad of Cookie Dough Ice Cream.
Yuck. I’m feeling sick already.

But
do you know what I’m talking about? Have you
ever avoided a guy because something about him reminded
you of someone else, and even if you did like him,
or there was potential, you called it off — just
for that sole reason? Maybe he wore a blue shirt
with khakis, and that was what your ex-boyfriend
was wearing when you first met? Nope, no chance for
this guy!

Or
your ex said “ya’ll” even though
he wasn’t from the south,
and you used to think it was so adorable when he
said it — you swooned every
time. But now you’re over and on the dating
market again. And when you meet Mr. Hotlanta, and
he "ya’lls" it up all over the place,
you cringe and say you have to go the bathroom, then
leave. And while his ya’lls may be
just as cute, you can’t handle any more southern
gentleman. Your ex ruined it for you, and he wasn’t
even southern!

This
can be a big problem when dating — associating
past behaviors from ex’s or guys you have dated,
with current datees. It can definitely deter you
from wanting to see a guy again, or even spend time
with him. And while he can be absolutely wonderful,
the man of your dreams, those tiny behaviors can
make a big impact on you. So how do you get over
them?

It
can be tough. I’m not gonna lie. I
mean, I still won’t eat cookie dough ice cream…and
it’s been years. And
I hate passing a blue jeep on the road. But I do
think that it is possible to conquer these negative
associations and overlook these behaviors so that
you can eventually see them as cute again…because
chances are, they are cute. After all, you were captivated
by them in the first place…you can be again.

The
first would be to not judge a date by his quirk — whether
it’s
a familiar way of dressing, talking, or even if he
orders the same “favorite
food” as an ex. Chances are, these commonalities
are probably common with a lot of people. You just
lucked out and are sitting across from one of those
guys tonight.

The
second is that if you’re
concentrating too much on how his left ear reminds
you of your ex-boyfriend’s left ear, and it
makes you want to burst into tears, maybe you’re
not quite ready to be dating. If you find yourself
back on the dating train and finding like qualities
with each guy and your ex, maybe you should take
a break and give yourself some time to recover before
you look for someone new. Sometimes you need that
time for yourself before you’re really ready.
Or, if it is a memory from the past, like a vehicle
they drove or a saying they had, and the new person
just jogs that memory, then you might cringe, but
something like that you have to just laugh off. Because
old memories that are engrained in your head, you’re
not likely to forget at this point. But you can’t
let them hinder your dating life now. Besides, Jeeps
have changed a little since years ago. And everyone
has a different twang to their accent.

The
third, remember, you once liked, or even loved, these
things about someone else, and while yes, they may
stir up bad, sad, or just yucky memories, they also
once made you smile. If you don’t
run out of there, and give it time, they might just
make you smile again. And you might find that he,
and his quirks, doesn’t have so much in common
with an ex. There’s a lot more depth to him — you’re
just judging on the surface. So give him time. He
deserves it. And so do you.

So
I’m
not trying Cookie Dough Ice Cream anytime soon, but
I’d be open to buying
my date some. I’ll get Chocolate Chip. And
he can pick me up in his Jeep.

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