Unknown to himself, God was pointing a gun to his head but, since the gun, it’s trigger and the will to pull it, all consisted of the same eternal substance or at least we’re inextricable concepts within the same thought – this was an attempted action destined to fail. I though maybe one day God would pull the trigger and wondered what would become of the trigger, the gun and the will. Would it leave behind nothing but a smoking pistol for which there would no longer be any will to use, or would this action make him whole again to embrace the meaninglessness of inexplicable existence.

I suppose in seeing God as the line madman ( with no one to understand him but himself) bent on autodestruction, I subconsciously saw the synthesis of my own former self destructive, maybe even self-hating past and my

(This is in the preface of the first book – to be continued at a future date).