Healing a Broken Heart: How Men Can Deal With Separation

Sadly, I consider myself somewhat of an expert in this field, a title no one in their right mind would ever hope for. From the beginning of my dating history up until the present, I've had girlfriends cheat on me with strangers, best friends, acquaintances, and other women. I've foolishly pursued relationships destined to end more than I'd like to admit, have seen the anticipation of something wonderful expire into sheer apathy, and have witnessed women I thought I knew well transform into people I've never met. Coffee mugs have been thrown, fists have found their target (not mine, mind you), and admissions of infidelity have been revealed solely for the purpose of inflicting emotional damage.

It's not been a bed of roses. In a way, however, I'm thankful for this tumultuous history of dating. I'd like to believe that it has helped fashion me into a more mature, understanding person, and without it, I wouldn't be quite as prepared to write on the subject of heartache; it's stifling, darkening state, but now I've learned how one can alleviate the pain associated with it, and ultimately escape it altogether.

Being cheated on is like having a dagger thrust into your stomach, except that sticking a dagger in one's stomach is a much more humane thing to do. It heals quicker, garners more sympathy, and it taken much more seriously. I'll never forget the first time I experienced this emotion. It was like the evil twin brother to blissful infatuation.

One year prior I was absurdly happy, hopelessly in love. Suddenly, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Feelings of shock, confusion, betrayal, and worst of all, worthlessness, were my constant companions. Frightening thoughts of mercilessly beating the other man to a pulp were ever present, and try as I did, I could not free my mind from her. A reoccurring pattern was then begun, one of being cheated on, basing all my happiness on winning her back, attaining her, and being cheated on again. Thankfully I wised up, and realized that my self-worth could not nor should not be based on how I am treated by another human-being. Of course, having knowledge and acting upon it are so often at odds with each other, and I am no exception to this rule. As I said, over the years heartbreak has become a close companion, and almost one whom I no longer fear. Granted, I would never invite it, but I'm fairly confident that I've gotten good at enduring it, and most importantly, expediting its departure.

Let's say you've just been cheated on or dumped, or perhaps the perfect woman with whom things were going so great, suddenly, out of nowhere, has adopted an attitude of complete indifference. What now? Well, first things first, get over the absurd concept that as a man you don't need others to rely upon emotionally. This is not some exclusively feminine need that men are exempt from: it is a human need, and part of true manhood is admitting to this need. Some of the most poignant, bonding, and validating moments of my life have been over a beer talking about how much it hurts to lose the girl you love. Accept this, and things will go much more smoothly. I guarantee it.

1. Limit, or better yet, eliminate contact with the woman for a time.

Keep in mind that every relationship is different, you're different than I, and it just may not be as damaging to have the occasional conversation with her. In some cases, it's not even feasible, such as if kids are in the picture, but in my experience, every act of communication, no matter how minute, was essentially "reopening the wound," meaning that all a conversation will do is give your mind even more garbage to deal with, and process, and re-process, and so on and so forth. My advice is to make a clean break.

One of the best lessons I ever learned regarding a break-up was from my father. As I sat in my bedroom one day, tearfully staring into some memento my ex had given me and wallowing in memories of better days, Dad, with simple yet brilliant advice, advised I get a garbage bag, put every single object that held some memory of her in it, and stuff it in some dark recess of the house. Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes. And look at it this way, what harm can come from feigning apathy? Trust me, if there is a chance that the two of you will someday work it out and return to Eden, ignoring her won't hurt. It merely speaks a message: I'm over you, and you hold no power over me. (Not exactly the true nature of things, but for now, that's just fine). If she could care less if you call or not, then she has spoken a message as well, and it best be heeded. Why force your love upon an unwilling party? Avoid her hangouts, and by all means, DON'T call her!

2. Get a support system.

Sure, this may not appeal to you as a guy, but it works wonders, and in fact is your most powerful tool in relieving heartache. The first thing I do when this crap rears it's ugly head? I call my mother, my sister, my father, and any friend who will listen, and often. And all I do is just re-hash the same garbage over and over again, until I'm certain they are sick of it. But there is something so therapeutic about just verbalizing your emotions, so do it, everyday if you can. Find that person, or ten people, who will give you a sympathetic ear, and let them have it. Bitch about how unfair it is, wax poetically about the good times, bemoan just how damn much it hurts, talk as long as it takes, or as long as they let you. Not one time did I walk away from one of these conversation without some alleviation. And that's really what it's all about: alleviating the pain to deal with your life. To sleep for eight hours straight, or to eat a meal that doesn't taste like cardboard, or to get through work without tearing someone's head off.

3. Exercise.

I'm quite aware that the last thing you may want to do after a painful breakup is go for a 10K run, but believe me, it helps. The science is there, after all. Endorphins are released and happiness ensues, and unlike artificial uppers, there won't be an accompanying downer. Beyond endorphins though, there is something very empowering about running a sprint with Dropkick Murphy's blaring through your phone, or hitting the weights right before hitting the punching bag. It's good for you body, it's good for your mind, and it offers a much-needed distraction.

4. Get a hobby.

In all actuality, get into anything that will distract you from the break-up. If you're a musician, play like crazy. If you're a writer, write like crazy, if an artist...you get the idea. Do whatever it takes to be focused on anything but her. Immerse yourself in your school, your work, whatever you may have a passion for. In many instances, passions are forgotten in the throes of a relationship, so look at being newly single as a benefit: you now have plenty of time to focus on what you love, so do it.

5. Speaking of music, this needs a category all in itself.

One of my sure-fire pain relieving activities was to go to my local park, do a 5-mile run, lie down in the sun with a good book, and listen to Handel's Messiah. If this isn't your kind of music, pick whatever you like, but do your best to avoid music that will inevitably bring you down. While I love Miles Davis' Kind of Blue album, I certainly wouldn't recommend it when dealing with heartache. Listen to what works for you. Personally I prefer music with a certain empowering quality to it, such as bombastic classical pieces (think Dies Irae by Mozart or Beethoven's 5th), or hardcore bands that reflect your pain and anger, like Avail. Irish rock works wonders in this situation, it's nearly impossible to not feel some sort of inner-strength surging up when listening to the Pogues or Dropkick Murphy's. Lose yourself momentarily in the wonderful world of music.

6. Books, books, books.

The wonderful thing about reading about the heartache you're experiencing is that not only does it alleviate the pain, but it educates you on the often ignored emotional side of who you are. Learning about why you're in so much pain will inevitably result in learning more about yourself, and that's always a good thing. As carved on the temple of Apollo in Delphi, "Know Thyself." What to read though? Well, as a Christian, I can't resist recommending Psalms. First off, the book has incredibly uplifting poetry in it. Secondly, a good portion of these were written by King David, a guy who was probably wounded, hungry, and hiding in a cave for his very life when he wrote a lot of these. Sort of puts things in perspective, doesn't it? I can't recommend "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge enough, and "Healing the Masculine Soul" and "Shattered Dreams" are winners as well. Know that these are titles written from a Christian perspective. If that's not your bag, go to your local bookstore, sneak into the self-help section, and peruse. You won't regret it.

7. Lastly, become good friends with your mirror, and yourself.

The mental aspect to this battle is so crucial, so pivotal, that it can't be stressed enough. When the pain sets in and when she absolutely will not leave your head, get up, go to the mirror, and give yourself a pep talk. Hell, yell at yourself if you have to. List all the reasons why you're better off without her; Remind yourself just how great you are and why; Say and believe that it was her loss; and if you have to, lie through your teeth. Assuredly, you may not wholly believe and feel that you're God's gift to women or that it was her loss, but say it anyway. Spoil your mind with self-flattering praise and words of empowerment, and amazingly, you will find that you start to believe it. Repeat a phrase that helps, such as "Let her go," or "I'm better than this," and amazingly, the storm clouds will being to part.

To clarify, bear in mind that this is not exactly meant to just enable you to move past the pain as quickly as possible and get on with life. Sure, I hope to speed up the process for you, but remember that it is a process. There are valuable things to be learned from pain, and while you shouldn't dwell in it, you shouldn't ignore it either. Accept it and embrace it, but don't get too comfortable, and don't pass it by. And remember, it will get better. Out of nowhere, one day, you'll wake up and suddenly realize you just don't care anymore. Fight for that day...it's coming. And what a sweet day it will be.

Questions & Answers

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Abhaque Supanjang

2 years agofrom Kumango - Batusangkar - Sumatera Barat - Indonesia

Great.., Jason..! It seems that you've got much experience in this matter. It can be good lessons for others.

Unknown

4 years ago

Thank you for this article. I actually smiled as much as those memories I have of her. The eliminate contact is the best advice that's what made me smile. If it meant to be she will call if not move on. On again thank you for this article.

Russell

5 years ago

Thanks great to know that im not the only one in the world having so much pain but it hurts so much when you base everything on one person then she goes away i have to be strong and fight get on with things but when your 39 you don't think you will ever feel like this again hate that feeling but all the things you wrote are so right you have to pick yourself up or you wont make it through hopyfully the day will come i will wake up and feel better HOPEFULLY,

kris

5 years ago

thanks for the pep talk really helped me im really down right now and you're 100 % correct wish I could do everything you said its not that easy.

Paul

6 years ago

I'm in hell but it seems only when I have free time. I am starving for affection and love, and nada. To bad on me.

Phillip

6 years ago

I read your article and I agree 100% and reading Psalms is what I am going to begin doing. I use to give the same advice you give in your article, but when it happens to you, it is so hard to follow your own advice lol. Thank you and God bless.

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

6 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Seriously anthony? (comment deleted, by the way) A spell caster? No thanks.

Shadow_Walker

6 years ago

Great advise. I recently broke up with my first gf, and it's been tough... I'll try some of these out and see if they help. Wish you the best in your love life, and thanx a bunch.

Tone, yours is an extreme case to be sure, and I'm no professional, but I can only suggest prayer and professional help in the case of an actual breakdown. Very sorry to hear this Tone, I'll be praying for you brother.

Tone

6 years ago

none of these things work for me, and i cannot do them anyway, I am immobile in a state of terror 24/7 then nightmeres. I don't understand how someone could say hobby or exercises has any effect on terror, unless they never experienced a breakdown. Like every article on the net i never relate to and they are always all wrong. Im in so much terror i lost full control of my bladder, its been 42 days, no improvement. Support has had no effect no matter how much i talk about it. I don't understand why people don't believe me when i say i try very positive things but they don't work at all, they attack me when i reveal this, as if they are extremely angry and want more harm done to me.

Brian

6 years ago

This article has helped me greatly--for today anyway :) We have to remind ourselfs on a DAILY basis of these points. I read articles like this when I feel completely alone with no hope in sight. I am 20 and recently engaged. Both of our families are very close. My sister ended up being best friends with my ex. My sister and I were very close before the breakup however she decided my ex was more important to her...

I never imagined I would be alone. I never saw myself with another girl. I was completely wrapped and blinded in my perfect life. I was/am completely torn.

Every point is crucial in this article. THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON THAT YOU MUST LIVE WITH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE--THAT IS YOURSELF. Never give up on yourself, and never rely on one other person. This is harder said that done however it should only take one heartbreak to learn this.

This is an excellent post that I found on google. Props!

Lone Ranger

6 years ago

Geez, Jason, you are so right. I remember my first love cheated on me and left me broken-hearted which is as close to a near-death experience as I want to get.

At any rate, I took out all my angst on the football field and just became totally absorbed in the game, because it was the only way I could get my mind off her.

I would like to take exception with the brain and spinal column guy with the pointing stick in his hand. He said that guys get over things quicker than women. Wrong.

Studies have shown that men not only fall in love quicker than women, but they also stay in love longer and commit suicide by a factor of 6x that of women after breakups.

It would seem that men are also the more relationship oriented of the species, whereas women are more transitory. They also file for divorce 75%-90% of the time. Don't kid yourselves fellas, women are evil!

The old addage is that "Men marry women hoping they won't change and women marry men hoping they will. And, in the end, they are both disappointed."

Almost every woman changes her tune as soon as she is able to sink her teeth and talons into a guy. St. Paul wasn't blowing smoke gents - so let the buyer beware!

Best wishes, be well, and behave - L.R.

Mark

6 years ago

18 years of relationship down the gurgler times are tough but getting easier. Leaving this one as a gentleman and with dignity neither of us cheated, gambled or abused each other but I do regret being a numbskull and not seeing it earlier.

Finding myself doing most the things you suggested but I emphasize Family and a few close mates are the biggest help and cry your arse off but not at work!!

Eric

7 years ago

we been together for 2 years and it was great for the first year but i started taking advantage of her love for me by breaking promises and being mean... one day she got sick and she said for once in a long time i am not sad... and i am happier without you.. Now its destorying me cause i really loved her but i treated her bad. she tells me that i need too give her time and space. she will call me and if i want i can text her but she said she may not reply right away.

i cant let go and i did stop bugging her tho i need the truth...

Eric

7 years ago

Sounds like good advice, just got my heart ripped out ima try it

Murph

7 years ago

Good read . Thanks man . I know that " I don't care day " is far off at this point , but reading stuff like this brings a bit of serenity in this bloody nightmare . Cheers

Tyson

7 years ago

I was cheated on 3 weeks ago and we've been married 6 years. I can try and point fingers to websites that she couldn't control herself on, but the real issue was she was unhappy and checked out of my life and activities completely. Now I'm the idiot moved out trying to get her back. I must like rejection, infedility, and have no self worth anymore. I liked your article, now I just have to find a way to apply it.

Matt

7 years ago

Thanks for your hub. Im 39, and just watched the last 16 years of marriage, and little girls happy life be tossed aside for the first "reconnection" on facebook.

My divorce date is aug 30, and it wasn't by my choice. Evidently the discovery of the emotional attachment, proceeding secret texts, and ultimate meeting the "just a friend" was too much to bear admittance or take ownership of to move beyond.

So here I am, fixing to be 40, a nine yr old girl whose about to really miss her Daddy a lot, and a soon-to-be-ex-wife that appears nonchalant about it all.

I truly look forward to better days, but dread the impending "emotional" ride it will take to get through.

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

7 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

W.C., you're very welcome.

Rocket, obviously, I completely disagree. The "victim," as you so over-dramatically refer to her, broke up, dumped, cheated on, or divorced the party who is now "feigning apathy." In what strange universe is it in any way appropriate to continue pursuing either a dysfunctional relationship or a disinterested ex by continuing communication? And from what I can tell, your relationship certainly fell within the first category of dysfunctional.

Your own story indicates to me you are missing the point. Your girlfriend ignored you within a the context of a relationship, you ignored back, and that somehow resulted in her death? In what part of my hub did I suggest ignoring someone who is still interested? When the relationship is over, contact is, for the vast majority, nothing but self-torture. It often results in false hope, self-delusion, and a never-ending cycle of brokenness. And of course, I have to wonder, how could you possibly have any idea of the reason for her forgetfulness in fastening her seat belt? It seems to me you've done a good job convincing yourself over the years that it was all your fault.

And concerning relationship problems, I haven't written a hub on making relationships work (although I may), I've written one on what to do when they are over. Please, do all of us authors a favor and read their work before making irrelevant comments.

Rocket

7 years ago

In my opinion feigning apathy particularly if done many times in a short space of time is emotional abuse. The victim is being intentionally ignored and denied affection perhaps as a punishment and/or to gain control and/or attention. My first girlfriend did this to me 34 years ago when we were both 21 for what i considered to be misdemeanors. I retaliated not contacting her for nearly a month eventhough she made it clear that i would need to chase her. Because she was upset at my failure to contact her for such a long period she forgot to put on her seatbelt one night when travelling home with her family from her aunt's house. She was killed when another car collided with her parent's car. During our estrangement none of our parents could get us to communicate eventhough they had a wealth of life experience. When relationship problems occur the parties should seek closure/forgiveness quickly. They should agree to split permanently or reevalaute the lines of communication and the rules of their relationship. Fortunately i have now forgiven my girlfriend, our parents, the drunk driver of the other vehicle and myself.

W.C.

7 years ago

Reading things like this is very encouraging. I was dumped two months ago by a girl I loved, and even though it gets a little better each week, I am still having a really hard time with this. So I enjoy reading encouraging advice like this, thank you.

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

7 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Wow, I am so thankful for the open hearted responses. Of all the hubs I've written, this one is definitely the most gratifying. It's really good to know that these words can help, even if just a little.

oyster_shooter

7 years ago

Wow... feels better knowing i'm not alone. Can really relate to the author. I have had a string of relationships that ended in being cheated on, including a 5 year marriage with a child and most recently a year and a half relationship that i thought was with my soulmate. Its been almost a month since i last saw her face,3 weeks since we have spoken, but still feels like yesterday. Not a minute goes by that i don't think or remember something... see her everywhere even though she isn't there. I know i was done a favor by the other guy she was seeing the last 4 months of our time together, but i struggle to get past all the lies and deceet. It was only 2 weeks before i found out, that she was pledging her undying love, wiggleing her finger in the air, saying put a ring on it. I knew she was the one, bought the ring, and although i had already asked her to be my bride (she said she didn't need the ring), planned to give it to her on Valentines and propose properly. I got the message from her sons football coach on facebook, the day before Valentines. Still left with to many questions... she was an amaing trickster and fooled everyone. Family, friends, hell it was even my mom that set us up- at my step sisters weding- they are best friends. Hardest part, is the change... she was such a part of my life and family and stood at the center of my world next to my son and her boys. The loss is great and picking up the pieces and moving on is beyond tough.

Your article helps though... but as you have learned the steps to recovery on your own, so have I- ironically they are near identical- this one is just a really tough one to let go of though.

Thanks for listening and thanks for the writing

steve

7 years ago

having just been dumped a few days ago ...this has enlightened me !! thanks ..good advice !!

J Rice

7 years ago

Great article. Me and my ex were together for 13 months. 2 months in she is crying telling me how much she loves me and im the man of her dreams. It was perfect ever since except for a couple drunk arguments. She would tell me every day she can't wait to marry me, have my kids, grow old and so on. 5 days ago she tells me she needs to be alone and some space along with that fact she really has never been single. My heart stopped beating and I truly don't know why, I feel what she told me is a copout. How does one say these things everyday for a year and then get a change of heart?? She is 23 and im 30 and the things she said and did age didn't matter. Im still hurting and greiving but this has been an eye opener.

I will continue to read this since I know better days are ahead.

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

7 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Sorry to hear that Jimbo49, really. But if money is so important to her to do something like this, I wonder just how great a woman she really is. Evidently it's not the new man she loves, it's what he can buy her.

Jimbo49

7 years ago

Thanks for the helpful insights,but God she is all I think of right now and I'm exremely depressed-she was the best woman I ever had in my life and I know at fifty years old I can never replace her she left me for someone with more money!

Casey

7 years ago

Thanks for this post. I'm getting over a girl who is clearly just leading me on, even after she broke up with me once before - over a text message no less.

The part that hurts the most is there's no closure. It leaves me hanging thinking things might be different. Part of me wants to call her up and break up with her officially, part of me would rather do nothing. Heeding your advice from #1, I don't think I'll call her. Instead I'll just start movin' on.

I love the idea of listing out her faults --- on paper, there's no reason I should've seen anything in her to begin with!

Dan

8 years ago

Thank you for writing this. I'm dealing with a bad break up now myself. This really helped me. You have a gift my friend!

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

8 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

I'm really glad to help Karma. Good luck with this time in your life.

Karma

8 years ago

I needed to read this and it meant a lot to me. Thank you!

I'm dealing with a break up after a 6 year run of bliss, with short blip of drama at the end. I desperately want her back and will work through some of your steps to get to a healthier place. Means a lot to a reformed playa.

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

8 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Verisco,

wow. Feels terrible doesn't it? I can certainly relate. Being ignored is especially hurtful since it is easy to assume that she doesn't care at all. But if it is any solace, the reason she ignores you is due to her own cowardice. Most likely she feels ashamed, and is afraid to deal such a painful blow to you. It still hurts, of course, but her reasons are rooted in guilt and fear.

But despite this, I'm sure you are aware that the best approach to this is to move on. After four years, the least she can do is communicate. You sound like a nice guy, Verisco, and I'm positive you can do better, and someday soon, you'll be glad it ended. Hang in there!

Verisco

8 years ago

Like many others have said, this is a great article which includes the firsthand experience of a great guy. Don't mean to sound too bitter, but it is a shame that the most genuine guys seems to end up with the bad hand when it comes to relationships a lot of the time.

I'm only 19, but my relationship with my g/f lasted 4 years. She just came back from her internship for college in Jamaica after 3 months distant, claiming she wanted to go back for a year for a job offer as a head chef at the resort she was working at. She said she was going to San Francisco for a week with cousins and I never heard from her again. Never answered calls, replied to e-mails, and I just gave up trying and gave in to despair. I've had such a hard time coping with all the lies she told me when we talked on the phone while she was away, how I was so looking forward to her coming back just to be crushed, how I turned down even being friends with other girls because I was so faithful to my girl, and the dreams I have of her almost every night. Even my own room which I spend a lot of time in now is the place where we had such good memories together.

But this definitely helps, thanks for the post Jreuter. I'm glad I decided to give in and randomly google "dumped heartbroken".

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

9 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Glad to help guys, you're the reason I wrote this after all. I'm estatic that this is offering real help. Maybe I should extend it into a book? Hmm..

Alex

9 years ago

Hey man, I just want to say, that I am currently going through a bad break up, and it's driving me crazy, but i just wanna say that this has helped me out alot

Ben Marincovich

9 years ago

Amazing advice!! I just found out that the girl I've been dating for 5 months was living a complete and total lie, including lots of cheating. I wrote down the names of the books you recommended and am heading to the book store. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and advice!

Jimmy

9 years ago

I really need

purple haze

9 years ago

superb i must say.its really comforting to read it, specially since i juz went thru a bad break up.my ex dumped me after she went to uk to do her final year in her studies, she left me for anotha guy, in fact she dumped me for the otha guy.she hasn't even given me closure,like she did not wana tell me shez with anotha guy..bla bla...diz happened four months ago, and we wer togetha eversince Sept 06..we were togetha for almost 3years.and for this to happen to me,its earth-shattering.i got so depressed i even joined the oprah website and mailed (her?) a few times,hopin il get some feedback on how i can come out of my sadness..obviously there wuz no reply.the thing that hurts me bad is the fact that everythin i did during the time i wuz wid my ex wuz for her, n she wuz my first girlfriend ever.i chose my study path, place to study, made frequent trips bak to the state she wuz at,spent a lotta money, fought wid my best friends, and hell alotta things,all for her,n she dumped me juz like dat.so please, if any u guys can give me any tips on how to overcome my situation,or any way to help me, pls do reply or sumn.thanx a mil.once again,awesome article.mail me at xjay666@gmail.com

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

10 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Blue Crow, thanks for your insightful comment. It appears you've had your fair share of destructive relationships as well. I must clear up though, that I don't exactly agree with you on all points. First off, I don't chalk up a tumultuous dating history to &quot;desiring&quot; bad people. Truth be told, I've dated some great women as well as some bad, and I have a hard time admitting that I've ever asked for violent, two-faced women to come into my life. I attribute this more to the naivety of my youth than to anything, and to allowing relationships to continue despite numerous &quot;red flags.&quot; In addition to this though, I believe that God may have allowed these people into my life to increase my own understanding, wisdom, and empathy for others in similar situations. I harbor no bitterness to the past.

And being wounded? Well, who isn't in some fashion? I personally don't know anyone who hasn't had a heartbreak in their life. I hardly think that by merely being emotionally wounded one is apt to repeat the same mistakes. Quite the contrary actually, in my own experience, I've learned and grown from the mistakes of the past, and am happy to say I don't necessarily fear emotional involvement, I merely exercise more caution than I did in my youth.

Lastly, I much prefer to offer my prayers to the creator of the universe, rather than the universe itself. The universe can no more help my situation than the couch I am sitting on.

Blue Crow

10 years agofrom Yorkshire

mmm domestic in hubs - lovely. is there tongue in cheek or is it serious I wonder..?

Anyways, back to the matter in hand. That was a really honest, inspiring piece of writing, from the heart and soul of the wounded healer. Thing is with wounded healers, they are great at giving advice but ultimately fear getting their feet wet in the emotional waters and end up making the same mistakes over and over again.

My sister believes that the universe will deliver what you need. She instructed me to write exactly what sort of man I want to be with. It is very liberating and also difficult to do this! Because we attract what we ask for.. so in a way, and this will sound well harsh, we attract those people into our lives. You attracted women that cheated on you and treated you like shit. I attracted 3 time losers who have no libido... we desired them and they came like moths to a flame.

So what I'm saying is, put to the Universe (say a prayer whatever you way is) of the person you want in your life and they will be there. The hardest thing about looking in the mirror is learning to accept where we ourselves are responsible for our own shortocomings... and taking ownership of our own actions.. that suck, it's a hard lesson to learn but once done, life will have a different, more positive feel to it. Not to do this will only allow more of lifes losers into your heart.

Kudos. Good hub, great advice for both sexes xx

funnebone

10 years agofrom Philadelphia Pa

See...there is that rage again....

Constant Walker

10 years agofrom Springfield, Oregon

Boner, I mean Funnebone, I'll get you for that... you know I will, bitch.

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

10 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

uh oh funnebone. Perhaps a restraining order is in need.

Shadesbreath

10 years agofrom California

Good advice about cutting all ties. You definitely need the chick behind your misery OUT of the picture. My kid just dealt with his first heart break and wouldn't let it go (plus she kept coming back after her new boyfriend failed - 6 times, ugh - god, I was getting so pissed I wanted to go scream at her myself to leave him alone).

The upside of being a guy tho is that, for the most part, even the deepest of us have access to some of our stereo-typical shallowness. Guys recover quickly because, well, we're horny as hell and evolution pretty much made us seed spreaders. Two weeks, a month tops, and it's all about the chase again baby! First pretty eyes that look up at you teeming with maybes as she flares that sweet come hither smile, and you're good to go!

I love being the simple gender. Sorry girls. :P

funnebone

10 years agofrom Philadelphia Pa

I hope Constant reads this hub again and heeds your advice. I am getting tired of his sobbing phone messages and tear stained letters. You go to a football game with a guy one time and now he thinks your dating....

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

10 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Thanks a lot Jim, and yes, you are extremely fortunate. Glad to hear you found the one so early in life, that's a rare occurrence these days.

jim10

10 years agofrom ma

Extremely well written. I feel bad though, I'm glad you came to terms with all of the heartache. I was pretty fortunate in finding my soulmate while still in high school. I didn't get to be a &quot;player&quot; but she is my true love and I wouldn't change anything for the world.

Constant Walker

10 years agofrom Springfield, Oregon

Thanks, man, as do you.

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

10 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Constant Walker,

you rock.

Constant Walker

10 years agofrom Springfield, Oregon

Hey, I just reread this hub again, and; Man, it's good! I'm such a fan. You're stuff is SO GOOD!

Also, I told Jonno.Norton about your &quot;Salem&quot; series. He read it, loved it, and is also now a fan. Keep it up!

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

10 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Constant,

thanks for your words. I'm glad I didn't fit the stereotype my pic suggests. I never really thought about it before, but I do look like a surfer. Maybe I should try it someday, surfing that is.(; And I love Carmina Burana! That piece is about as epic as they get. I have an excerpt of it on my ipod, but admittedly I wasn't sure about the composer. Thanks for the info.

Constant Walker

10 years agofrom Springfield, Oregon

I agree, and humbly admit I didn't think this piece would be as good as it was. Your extremist, surfer-type looks and travel hubs gave me a false impression of what to expect. I was happily wrong, and really enjoyed reading this hub. Also, your varied taste in music is impressive. Ever heard Carl Orff's Carmina Burana? I love what I call &quot;Gothic Classical.&quot;

Great hub!

AUTHOR

Jason Reuter

10 years agofrom Portland, Oregon

Thanks much for the encouraging props guys! I appreciate it.

Indiana Jones

10 years ago

Excellently written and yet filled with down-to-earth and practical advice. Bravo. You should compose more self-help articles, you defititely have a gift. Great pictures too!

In The Doghouse

10 years agofrom California

jreuter,

These are insightful and helpful bits of advice that could help with any broken relationship. I also loved your travel Hubs, they are incredible. Thanks for sharing.

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