Kids aren’t fooled by any of it. As a child if you have to cajole me, bribe me or threaten me then that food is gotta be yuck!!

Children are all about the taste and feel and most importantly what is familiar. External rewards and threats aren’t effective. Studies show that children eat less and behave worse at mealtimes when external rewards are used. Children want to learn and grow. They want to be us. Even older children and teenagers, even though it doesn’t feel like it much of the time. They are observing all the time and copying what we do. It is important to remember that it takes time for them to feel comfortable with a new food and to include it into their repertoire of familiar foods.

We as parents are so focused on the short term goal of getting those vegetables into our children that we lose sight of the long term goal which is to teach them how to be competent eaters.

When children are about 2 years old they become more aware of their surroundings, they are learning about their own sense of autonomy. They are learning that they are their own person with their own opinions. It is also a time when children may become labelled as a fussy eater. Because they are more aware now of what their food tastes and feels like, it becomes new again. Even though you may have served the same food every week since starting solids it is suddenly refused. It has become new again. So frustrating! But those are our feelings to deal with. Children need time and repeated exposure again to learn what their food tastes and feels like; to feel familiar with it again. Pressure doesn’t work. Whether it be positive or negative it leads to resistance.

On the other side we have the foods that are actively limited. They may not be allowed in the house, they may be stored high up in the cupboard, they may be mum and dad’s secret stash only to be bought out once the kids are in bed, only available at parties or used to reward. For a child, just as it is for us adults this becomes the good stuff, this is the food that has to taste the best otherwise why would it be such a big deal. We always want what we can’t have or get enough of.

This is why dessert is served at the same time as the main meal in my house, not after. This is why all the food is served into the middle of the table and everyone chooses what they want to eat and how much. This is why I don’t make comment on the food at all. I let my 4 and 8 year old make their own choices.

My job happens before we get to the table. I choose what is going to be served, I choose where and when it will be served.

I prepare meals in a way that considers everyone’s food preferences but without preparing a separate meals. It might mean that some of the vegetables are put aside to serve raw, it might mean that the pasta is served separately to the meat and vegetables. It might mean that the salad is served as separate components on a platter rather than all mixed together in a bowl.

Once the meal is prepared I take it to the table. On the table there is also bread and if we are having dessert that will be there too or perhaps some fruit.

We sit down as a family and choose what and how much we each want to eat. I eat my dinner and talk to my children about their day and other random child conversations. I do not comment on their food.

Meal times consist of food that I like to eat and that consider my children’s preferences. They know not to complain about what is served but they also know that they can come to the table feeling comfortable that there will be at least one thing served that they will usually eat.

This provides them with exposure to different foods and cooking methods. It provides them with the opportunity to try different things when they are ready. It allows them to eat enough of what they want. It takes away the status of the forbidden foods.

Children want to be like us. If we provide the structure and the opportunity children will learn to eat a wide variety of foods, including vegetables. They are in the business of growing. If they are allowed to grow and understand their body’s demands and needs they will continue to respond to those needs and eat in a way that is positive, comfortable and flexible. They won’t be fixated on the forbidden foods or horrified at the thought of vegetables. Their bodies will grow in a way that is right for them and become adults who are competent eaters.

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Testimonials

What has changed most significantly is my acceptance of where I am and what is right for me at this point in time or as you described "normalising my relationship with food". The best part is being free from having to monitor everything and having a focus on what I should be doing/eating. So, would I recommend you to others? Most definitely, yes.
Karen

We have totally altered the volume of food we eat and understand the need to eat when we are hungry rather than when the clock says to eat. What we like is that we can enjoy eating out/entertaining and cope with eating while traveling without feeling that need to stick to an unrealistic plan. Thank you for all your ideas - they will certainly remain with us long term.
Kirsty and Mike

We needed help with our teenage daughter who was increasingly anxious around food. After just a couple of sessions with Andrea we noticed a big difference with our daughter. Andrea's gentle, respectful, calm, non-judgmental approach coupled with her teaching of enjoying food made a huge difference to how our daughter views food. The change is actually quite dramatic and we are very grateful to Andrea for her wisdom and assistance. Maggie

My family have been very entertained at having everything on the table at once. "Can I really eat pudding first!?" Haha. And she never eats it first. :) Being able to help ourselves to what else we need when hungry has been good. And makes for much better conversation as we seem to take longer, take our time and talk. I found it much more relaxing. I can see their bodies tell them what they need and they just go for it. Michelle

Thank you Andrea for your wonderful and practical tutoring while shopping and in the kitchen. I feel more comfortable in the kitchen knowing that what I am doing isn't wrong and that I do have kitchen skills. Our three grown boys gobbled down their dinner with amazement and gratitude. THAT IS A MIRACLE! Thank you for your professional expertise and friendly, comfortable way of being.
Tiriana