Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Okay, commenting now.

Good Stuff - I really like the “wedding scene,” and the addition of the masked students. It seems much creepier, and like a more engaging climax, than the sudden car wash we got in the final product. The race in this draft also contains several extra doses of awesome.

Bad Stuff - Poor, poor Movie Saionji. I didn’t think it was possible for him to get any more shafted, but, well, here we are. Also, this draft does not contain the immortal line “It's a mistake to think you're the only one who can turn into a car. I'm a car now, too!”

A few more assorted notes.

In the center of the square, a vivid carpet unrolls a wedding aisle in front of them.

Just FYI, The phrase used here in Japanese was “virgin road.” It's a Japanese “waseieigo” phrase, constructed from English words but not actually used outside of Japan. It just means a wedding aisle, and the twinge-inducing connotations of the phrase are probably not as strongly present for native Japanese speakers. This was probably a pointless aside, because I think "wedding aisle" is the best translation.

Like hunters carrying off a shot animal, the students start to push away the “Utena Car.”

The script literally does call it the Utena Car. Awesome. As you can see, the phrase is in quotes the first time, and just used normally after that.

Beelzebul, gaining on Anthy. Their numbers are increasing.

At first it sounds like only the lead car is named Beelzebul, but once the other fly-cars join it, it starts to sound like they're all called "Beelzebul." Or conceivably that "Beelzebul" is their name as a whole? Plurals can be difficult in Japanese sometimes.

Speaking of the Beelzebuls...

Chrome Homura wrote:

It's interesting that this script doesn't make mention of the Kozue-mobile... I find it odd that it doesn't seem to be considered an important enough detail to mention. Maybe they hadn't added it yet?

Looks like we have our answer. In this draft of the script, the cars of hate don't seem to be individual people, like they are in the final version. All the dark cars are Beelzebul.

At the same time, Anthy's garb changes from that of the Rose Bride, to that of a Duelist.

SWEET.

Touga: (to the car) You handled wonderfully... you were very easy for me to manipulate.

I'd like to think that Touga is thanking Shiori for her help here, but if I'm parsing the connotations of his word choice right, it seems more likely that he's being kind of disdainful. Bah, and I was starting to like Draft Touga. What did Movie Shiori ever do you to, besides, you know, being Movie Shiori?

Anthy stands up in the driver's seat, and draws a sword from her own chest.

SWEET.

(Juri and Miki perform a maneuver out of a ridiculous action movie and blow up the devil cars in a massive, rose-shaped explosion)

THIS, TOO, IS SWEET.

It's actually an enormous trailer... a “Castle Trailer!”

So, they call the castle a “trailer,” even though they never say what's supposed to be pulling it. Then again, there's the phrase “trailer house” in Japanese, which I believe can refer to independently-moving RVs. So it’s very possible that’s what they’re trying to imply. It’s certainly what we see in the final version of the movie.

As for translating, the book is basically done. There's a short afterword by Enokido that I may get to, and in the back there's a list of some of the changes they'd made to the script since this draft (including the "where are the keys" scenes, and all the technical analysis in the Shadow Girls' broadcast room).

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Holy cow. First and foremost, how have I missed this thread all this time? Second... wow, great script. And so different from the movie in its final form!

I wish the movie had kept Enokido's ideas about Utena and Anthy's empowerment in the last couple of chapters. The scene where Anthy shows Utena the castle -- "it's said that if you go there, you can obtain anything" -- followed, chronologically, by Utena putting her ring back on and dueling Juri -- makes Utena's journey to her own liberation more poignant than in the final draft, where it's not clear that Utena had any idea what the duels were. Very cool. Even more importantly, the image of Utena ultimately handing the Rose Seal to Anthy -- what a powerful gesture! -- and for Anthy, during the escape, to take on the uniform of a duelist, and to draw the Sword of Dios from her own body -- perfect, perfect, how did they take this out? Enokido is a fucking genius.

At the same time, I think I'm just as happy that we lost Enokido's ending. Aelanie wisely pointed out earlier that the script seems to be shipping Utena/Touga harder than Utena/Anthy, and this fourth part takes that to its logical conclusion. Touga seems to stand for something completely different in the script than he does in the movie, which explains a lot about how nonsensical parts of the movie were. Even E-ko and F-ko make more sense if you know that Enokido imagined them as stand-ins for Utena and Touga -- no wonder they end up as discarded straw men at the end. But I dislike how hard Utena is trying to hold onto Touga in the script. I thought the movie struck the right balance; it showed how she was hung up on him, but she let him go in the elevator and we never heard from him again. Certainly he didn't need to come save her during the car chase, by which point Utena has left the past behind her. And if we want to show Utena as a newly independent woman who's moving into a potentially cold reality with only her friends for comfort, the movie, not this script, strikes the right final note. (Surely the last thing we need to do is end the movie on her looking backward!) I think the change in emphasis from Touga to Anthy makes Utena a stronger character. It's too bad that it deprived us of Enokido's delightful version of the Shiori car.

Dallbun, thanks so much for your translation. I understand much better now why the movie is the charismatic freak that it is, and I love it more for it.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Yeah. For all that's similar, this draft is definitely emphasizing different themes than the final script. I was surprised at the aside where Anthy is saying it's impossible to escape by herself, and the Shadow Girls strongly refute her, saying it's completely possible. (And that she's not alone to begin with, but that's beside the point.) The final script has much greater emphasis on needing a parter - a car without its keys rusts; you need a driver and a car; Shiori tries to go it alone, and crashes immediately.

I guess Anthy's greater personal empowerment plays into that, too. I mean, heck, she draws a sword from herself! That's some powerful imagery, that's never even been hinted at in any other version of Utena. But I agree with you, satyreyes - I think the final script could have kept the imagery of Anthy becoming a Duelist without detracting from what it was trying to convey. In fact, it might have even worked a little better... and if Anthy had drawn a sword from a glove compartment of the Utena Car or something instead of from herself, the friendship/partner theme could have come together beautifully.

I'm with you guys about Touga. Maybe it's just that I saw the final version first, but he seems to be kind of butting into a lot of the final scene. I don't really need reaction shots from him (or from Juri and Miki, frankly)... or at the very least, I don't need to be pulled back to him as often as I am in this draft. And it's weird for him to intervene to save them, because we can't even get a reaction from Utena, who's a car at the time - only from Anthy, who really has no reason to care about Touga.

I don't know if I'd say that Utena is trying to hold on to Touga any harder in this version, though - at least I don't see that from her own actions, though the facts that he has to come save her, and that he stands for one of the Shadow Girls, are indicative. I rather like the version of their final conversation in the draft, ending with her turning away and climbing the ZUM staircase. But you're also totally right that the very last scene needs to be about Anthy and Utena, not an echo of a conversation between Touga and Utena.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Dallbun wrote:

Ashnod wrote:

On the other hand, I want Juri's moment of crowning bad-assitude that got removed from the final version!

I don't know, I think Miki comes off as even more badass than Juri there. Using the stopwatch to keep track of when the explosives he wired up will go off? Brilliant.

True. That scene feels far more focused on Miki and his epic thinking skills. Neither the final movie nor the series have any moments like that, and being shown a "what could have been" makes me kind of depressed that Miki never really got much of a chance to demonstrate onscreen how epic people of his intelligence level can be.

Also, thanks for pointing out the bit about the Kozue-Mobile. I might not have caught that on my own, as I forgot I even made that comment XD

The Beelzebub/cars of hate motif is interesting when they're all anonymous like the swords from the series, but I would actually have liked to see "Kozue" in action, and for there to be intelligible names on more of the license plates, perhaps even using it as a way to "include" more of the characters from the series that weren't in the movie (or make references to other works ) The nameless cars just pale in comparison to hammering home the chilling recognition that each and every one of them was an individual person in the past, especially if more of the names were recognizable than just the latest additions to the group.

But then, that's just me. I would like it if Utena played with more blatantly disturbing themes like that, but then I'm the kind of guy who might as well be ing to Hellsing or Berserk.

Last edited by Chrome Homura (04-05-2011 03:17:08 AM)

"My blood is steel, my heart is glass... I have emerged unvanquished from many battles... Never have I been put to flight, but neither have I stood victorious... This bearer stands here alone, forging steel atop a hill of blades... for that reason, my life has never needed meaning. My body has always...

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Dallbun wrote:

Ashnod wrote:

On the other hand, I want Juri's moment of crowning bad-assitude that got removed from the final version!

I don't know, I think Miki comes off as even more badass than Juri there. Using the stopwatch to keep track of when the explosives he wired up will go off? Brilliant.

Nah, utter coincidence. It was either a manual detonation with the watch, or it was wired to detonate on impact and he was just stopped the watch at the moment of the explosion. That's how I read it, anyway.

Besides, I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is to keep a bike level when someone is moving from the sidecar to the rear of the bike, and then releases the sidecar from it. And THEN smiles fearlessly and pulls off that maneuver.

Flowers without names blooming in the field can only sway in the wind. But I was born with a destiny of roses, born to live in passion and glory.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Ashnod wrote:

Nah, utter coincidence. It was either a manual detonation with the watch, or it was wired to detonate on impact and he was just stopped the watch at the moment of the explosion. That's how I read it, anyway.

Yeah, those seem like just as likely readings. But who knows what mysterious feats of power Miki can perform with his stopwatch?

Riri-kins wrote:

SQUEE!! Mister Enokido never fails to amaze me. I would have loved to see all of that in the final act. They must have cut it out due to budget constraints.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

satyreyes wrote:

I noticed this too. I thought it was pretty hilarious that they dropped masked students, Anthy-as-duelist, and Beelzebub-the-car in order to make room for a video about how Nanami is still ridiculous.

I can just picture how it happened - during the script revision process, someone asks "so wait, what cartoon should be playing in the broadcast room?" and Enokido's like, "I don't know, I figured we could put a cute visual gag in there," and then someone's like "it should be about Chu-Chu!" And from there it gets out of hand.

"Great idea, but he can't just be standing there by himself. What other animals could we use?" "Elephants!" "Nanami Cow!" "A little orange alligator thing!"

...and everyone really wants to animate that now, so suddenly you have a surprisingly lengthy short thrown bizarrely into the middle of the movie. Frankly, I'd rather it hadn't been included and that extra effort had gone elsewhere, but oh well.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Overlord Morgus wrote:

Is this thing real? Because you seriously could have written it yourself.

Wow. Admittedly, it would have been quite a prank to take the first three thirds of the movie and change a couple things around, add a bit of material from the manga, create my own little translation notes, deliberately write in slightly stilted grammar to emulate the fact that I'm not that great a translator, throw in a fake intro by "Enokido" for good measure, and then go completely off the rails in the last section once I'd established my credibility.

teyhy wrote:

I still don't understand how they went from sexy Akio on top of the castle to the evil twin Akio rolling over cars and drudging Anthy.

Eh, I dunno. This Akio is hardly different from the final draft Akio - he's just spared the extra indignity of the "where are the keys" scene, and gets to have his shirt open. He doesn't have the conversation with Anthy at the end, either. I don't particularly prefer one over the other.

Also, students turning into cars then into flies should have made it to the screen. Not only it would had given the movie a sense of danger but it would also explained a lot.

The students didn't turn into cars in this draft - the Beelzebuls seemed to be pretty separate entities from the students. In fact, the final version of the movie is the one that implies that each of the dark cars were once people, because of the shot of the "Kozue" license plate in the underground parking area.

I agree, though - I really like the scene, and I think it does raise the stakes and make things seem more dangerous. The car wash is just so... out of the blue, in comparison.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

As others have said, the lack of the Juri and Miki Demolition Team bit was a shame, but otherwise the final movie script was infinitely better. Having Touga reappear for such cheap theatrics after the earlier emotional farewell would've invalidated his entire purpose in the movie.

Also, the very last moments in the draft were of Utena still longing for the past, instead of the triumphant kiss between Utena and Anthy as they celebrate their new love, the one that led both of them to chase after an unfettered future together.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Aelanie wrote:

In short, thank goodness for Ikuhara.

I think you do Enokido a disservice in characterizing the relative Touga-centricness of this draft as a blunder of his that Ikuhara had to step in and fix. This was merely the fourth draft of the script - one in a long series of drafts, in other words. Enokido presumably continued to work on it as head scriptwriter until it was finalized. Of course, Ikuhara was surely involved in the revisions, too... Enokido's introduction seems to indicate that all of Be-Papas very actively discussed the shape of the movie... but to my knowledge, Enokido is the guy who ultimately crossed out Touga's post-farewell appearances, and wrote the final kiss scene that you admire.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Whoa, I like this... thank you for translating. I have to say, I concur on the end bit with Touga, but I prefer everything else in comparison to the movie. I like how Anthy goes on to have the strength to be a duelist herself and not have the kiss scene (believes in friendship, yo).

But I did miss Saionji at the end. what was that awesome line he said? Er... umm, something about in the real world, he'll be there to seduce her when he gets out... is that right?

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Dallbun wrote:

I think you do Enokido a disservice in characterizing the relative Touga-centricness of this draft as a blunder of his that Ikuhara had to step in and fix. This was merely the fourth draft of the script - one in a long series of drafts, in other words. Enokido presumably continued to work on it as head scriptwriter until it was finalized. Of course, Ikuhara was surely involved in the revisions, too... Enokido's introduction seems to indicate that all of Be-Papas very actively discussed the shape of the movie... but to my knowledge, Enokido is the guy who ultimately crossed out Touga's post-farewell appearances, and wrote the final kiss scene that you admire.

Trust me, I'm not downplaying Enokido's work or contributions. There would be no Utena without him, and no higher praise than that could be given to anyone. I am indebted to all of Be-Papas - even Saito Chiho, I guess...

In reading this draft however, it does seem to me that Enokido's ideas were tending in another direction, and that Ikuhara was the one pushing most strongly for more Utena/Anthy. I'm not saying Enokido was at all against it (clearly not, given the ultimate outcome), simply that he may have had other plans.

As Ikuhara himself indicates in the movie commentary, the staff were of many minds regarding how (and to what degree) that element should feature in the movie, and I think I won't be argued against if I say that Ikuhara was most probably at the forefront of the pro-Utena/Anthy faction.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Aelanie wrote:

In reading this draft however, it does seem to me that Enokido's ideas were tending in another direction, and that Ikuhara was the one pushing most strongly for more Utena/Anthy. I'm not saying Enokido was at all against it (clearly not, given the ultimate outcome), simply that he may have had other plans.

Definitely possible, but I don't think we have enough information to sort out Enokido's original intentions or preferences about, say, Touga's role. This draft didn't come straight out of his head - it was the fourth draft in a script whose themes were already a matter of heavy group discussion. Not to mention that the changes we're discussing are in the last act, which, between this draft, the final script, and the movie manga, clearly went through the most big changes. All we know is that this draft plays up Touga in the latter parts, compared to the end product.

But anyway, I'm just being super-picky. Definitely everyone involved deserves credit, for how much turned out well in the end.

As Ikuhara himself indicates in the movie commentary, the staff were of many minds regarding how (and to what degree) that element should feature in the movie, and I think I won't be argued against if I say that Ikuhara was most probably at the forefront of the pro-Utena/Anthy faction.

...yeah, that's certainly fair enough! Certainly, we should thank Ikuhara for the pro-Utena/Anthy influence that he undoubtedly brought to bear! ...and, you know, for directing the thing.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Dude, this is très awesome. Many kudos for your work in translating this.

satyreyes wrote:

I think that would be a safe guess.

I wonder if Ikuni actually is a bit of a perv, or if he just portrays himself that way because it would be a natural conclusion to draw from how hard he ships Utena and Anthy.

To be fair, compared to most anime (and media in general, honestly) the depiction of Utena and Anthy's relationship in both series and movie is far more genuine and honest and far less pandering to the perverted than most female homosexual relationships.

Though that doesn't rule out the possibility of him being a perv I suppose.

Re: The Utena Scenario Book - an early draft of the movie script

Based on the greater emphasis on Touga in this draft, I'd say that the 'Touga is dead' thing was actually developed later on, and was hastily added to this draft without being given a proper runthrough. If he's not dead, then his relationship with Utena is totally different, and it makes his appearance in the finale less jarring.