Do you know someone who often
sees themselves as ahelpless victim or martyr? Such kids and adults see
themselves as
unfairly hurt, disregarded, cheated, used, or discounted by others
or "fate." Other people who choose to endure painful circumstances or
relationships without complaining may be seen
as martyrs or saints.

Adults or kids whosee themselves as
victims or martyrs are often dominated by one or more
personality subselves which
seek to protect
shamed, guilty, and
other
Inner Children against
pain by avoiding asser-tion and risk-taking.
The well-meaning Victim /
Martyr / Loser subself does this by persuading the host person that taking responsibility for
identifying and asserting her or his needs and
boundaries is "wrong,"
"unfair," "bad," "dangerous," and/or "hopeless."

Often this diligent
Guardian subself is aided by the
Catastrophizer ("If you try to resist, you'll die!), the
Cynic / Doubter ("No way you can improve things!"), and/or the
Magician ["You know things aren't so bad - think of homeless people,
addicts, and orphans (and just endure)."] There may also be a related
Whiner subself who endlessly complains about how bad things are.

Lesson 1 in this nonprofit Web site helps
wounded
people
harmo-nize their subselves under the expert leadership of their resident
true Self
and other
Manager
subselves. When this happens, chronic feeli-ngs of being a victim or
martyr significantly recede, and
healthy self-care and assertions increase.
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