I am the Managing Director of MarketWatch Centre for Negotiation Ltd., an associate professor at BMI, CBS-SIMI, former chairman of the Centre for Negotiation at Copenhagen Business School and a speaker and consultant. I’ve written 21 books on the topics of negotiation and business communication and contributed to many mainstream and trade news publications such as the Christian Science Monitor, Inside Supply Management, BusinessWeek.com, IndustryWeek.com, and BusinessInsider.com, among others. Throughout my career, I’ve had the privilege of working with world-class organizations such as Discovery Channel, Microsoft, Canon, Novo Nordisk, ThermoFisher, Rolls-Royce, IKEA, various governments, Unicef, SABMiller and PricewaterhouseCoopers. I am adjunct faculty at Thunderbird University.

Be Thankful For What You Don't Have

It’s good to be thankful for everything you have this holiday season, but you should also be grateful for what you lack. We live in a microwave society where we want fast results, and then we want them faster. People often choose the quick outcome instead of one that requires more time but is a better solution in the long-run. For all the things you don’t have yet or had to give up in order to get something better, be grateful. Your ability to keep your ultimate goals and dreams in sight is what will allow you to rise to the top and create the life you really want.

Delayed gratification does not get the credit or attention it deserves. We like to hear about the people who landed the dream job right away, not the individuals who spent years toiling up the career ladder. It’s more fun to spend $1,000 on a new 60-inch flat screen TV than it is to stock it away for 30 years in your IRA or 401(k). This exact mindset has caused trouble for many people approaching the age of retirement with inadequate savings. And many businesses remain obsessed with ensuring quarterly profits for stakeholders, instead of developing long-term value. This has had an equally troubling impact on the overall economy.

While the emotional battle between wanting results now and wanting the best result is nothing new, the desire for immediate gratification has reached unprecedented heights. In the 21st century, anything that takes longer than 5 seconds to download is considered slow. In our personal lives, we’ve become too busy for conversation. In our professional life, we’ve sacrificed the time required to build trusting, open and honest business relationships. As I discuss in-depth in my latest book “The Trust Factor,” commercial transactions have become limited to negotiations over price and quantity, and consequently we are losing out on billions of dollars through lost opportunity.

Ever since childhood, our minds begin to develop the ability to be patient and delay gratification. In the 1960s and 70s, Walter Mischel of Stanford University famously conducted the “Marshmallow Experiment.” Children were put at a table with a bell on it. They were told that they could choose to eat one marshmallow right away or wait a few minutes and they would get a second one. If they waited, they could double their reward. If they could not wait, they had to ring the bell after which the researcher would stop the experiment.

Some of the children lacked self-control and ate the marshmallow immediately. Others stared at the treats, wrestled with themselves, licked the marshmallows until finally they relented and grabbed one of the treats. Many writhed in frustration, rubbing their hands together, wiggling, trying to look at other things in the room, obviously in great internal conflict. Some made funny noises. Of the children who attempted to delay, only about one-third of the group was able to last long enough to receive the second marshmallow.

Mischel followed the children who participated in the experiment through college and into their adult lives. The interesting conclusion was that the children who were able to postpone gratification and resist temptation were more disciplined and able to exercise self-control so that they consistently made decisions that were in their best interest. They were more self-assured, scored higher on their SAT exam, were better able to cope with stress, and less likely to be overweight or have drug problems.

The result of the study offers an interesting perspective on human nature and a valuable lesson to all of us. In the age where instant gratification is the norm, there is much that goes unsaid about simply taking the time to do things the right way. The best things in life rarely happen overnight. And if you are too busy to do something right the first time, when are you going to have the time to do it again?

We can no longer trivialize trading excellence for easiness or speed by telling ourselves that it was “just this one time” or that “we’ll start doing things the correct way tomorrow.” Think about the financial objectives, personal relationships, and professional outcomes you truly want in life and you’ll quickly realize that there is no shortcut to success! Make a commitment to your dreams today and be thankful for what you will achieve, even if you don’t have it quite yet!

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“Think about the financial objectives, personal relationships, and professional outcomes you truly want in life and you’ll quickly realize that there is no shortcut to success!” This is so true on Black Friday. Just because some item is a “deal,” should you still pay out more than you can afford? Just because you love the item on sale, will the receiver of the gift love it as much? Your article was timely and true. Thanks for the reminders!

I agree with some of this, but I think a better life philosophy is to enjoy what you can have, when you can have it. Not to be morbid, but no one knows how long you have in this life. Why constantly save for some long term goal when you can have what will make you happy today?

Thank you for reading the article Lesley. That’s a completely valid perspective. Perhaps the key is to find some balance between the two. You want to be sure not to sabotage your long-term goals, and make sure short-term decisions fit in with your overall vision of success and happiness.