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%REALIZING DEPENDENCY PERCEPTION 791009
Often perception realizes that which was not real
before the perception. To perceive a reality may create
that reality. A personalrelationship which is not really
one of dependency may be turned into a relationship of
dependency by the act of perceiving it as such. Jack and
Jill are intimate friends, but their relationship is not
dependent in any unhealthy way. It is not possible to
accurately describe their relationship without doing
violence to its reality. If Jack expresses to Jill a
concern, it may realize that which concerned him; it may
create the dependent relationship which he feared. The
indescribable relationship may be converted into a
relationship which may be accurately described as one of
dependency. The effort to accurately describe the
relationship may create that which is described, and
destroy the intimacy which could not be accurately
described.
Jack may have noticed that his culture connects
dependency with love in the case of women. To be in a
loverelationship women must be dependent upon a man.
Guilt is the price which women must pay for trying to
escape dependency and still be fulfilled in Love according
to God's will. Most men do not want women to be free in
Love, and make dependency a condition for giving their
love. Women are required to buy through dependency. Jack
may wish to transcend the absurdities of such cultural
requirements. He may express his concerns to Jill in a
way which create the perception of a dependency which did
not exist before he expressed his concerns. His
expression of his perceptions may realize the very
dependency which he wishes to escape.
If Jack's problem is a double blind, consider Jill's
problem. Society demands guilt for her if she wishes to
escape the cultural requirements that love be bought by
making dependency payments. If she expresses a concern to
Jack about being dependent in a destructive way she may
make real that which did not exist until she expressed her
concern and in so doing offend Jack who sought to avoid
making Jill dependent. To be open about her fear of being
trapped in a dependency relationship is to fall into it.
The triple-blind blocks dialogue.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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