Wednesday, June 30, 2010

While Gay Pride Month was upon us, part of me was looking back again on the people who have distanced themselves from me because of my growth in pride as both, a part of the porn industry at one time, and more importantly, as a member of the LGBT community being a predominately gay bisexual man. I know that I've spoke of this before. You can get the whole story by reading my post from last year, "So Out That You Outgrow".

My latest "Write That Down" quote was motivated by looking back on those situations in that post, and how the anger of those people letting me down, has made me stronger in sticking to my convictions in the man that I have become. So this is what I have to say to them....in a way that's short, sweet, and to the point:

Coming into my own identity has led me to not become another puppet to an industry and/or society like you have. So instead of distancing yourself from me out of your obvious envy of my big balls, put some weight on your own balls,....instead of on your gut. That way, you can stand beside me, as opposed to so far behind me.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Back in 2008, my friend Neal started showing me his interest in photography. I allowed myself to be one of his subject. They were great poses, and some good pics, but some were not as great as I had hoped because some of them (my favorite pics in fact) had a blur to them. You may have seen this for yourself as I have over time used those pics as profile pics on MySpace and Facebook, so you may be able to confirm that what I'm saying is true. But an even better way is to go see the collection via my Flickr page.

Neal has for some time been trying to get me to go on one of his photo session trips out to Sandy Hook's nude beach, and due to my memory of those last pics, I didn't accept the invite until I had some way to see that he improved. So a few months ago, while I was updating my pictures on my profile on Model Mayhem, I looked at his photos on the same site. I was impressed by his improvement.

The pictures didn't look like they were taken by the same photographer at all. After seeing this, I decided that should the opportunity present itself again to go on one of these trips that I would go, because with every new thing we try, we sometime screw up before getting it right. And I'm no exception.

For instance, my YouTube video "Dance To The LXTreme" was originally a 15-minute long VHS video. Now, did I really believe some casting agent was going to sit there and watch a 15-minute video of me - an unknown, dancing? No, especially when I wasn't totally content with my own needed rush job choreography. Hence the flashy closing credits to overcompensate. Plus, I didn't have the means to edit it down to the size that it is now. So I, like Neal had to learn as I grew.

As luck would have it, a couple of weeks ago, Neal posted a Facebook update announcing that he was going out to Sandy Hook again, this time with Brayden James. I decided that it was time to go for some pics with a new setting, so I threw my name in the hat. We made our plans, and off we went.

Before going anywhere, I wanted to know who I was going with, so when I saw the name Brayden James, I had no idea who he was, so I looked up his Facebook profile, and found out that we share a birthday - March 31st. I also discovered that he is a porn actor - for one of the studios that I remain most negatively critical of in their casting practices, Falcon. So I made a mental note to keep my feelings about Falcon to myself and avoid the topic, because I knew that should we disagree on the matter, 2 same-day born Aries butting heads would have made for a tension-filled day. And I was looking for fun in the sun.

And I did get plenty of fun in the sun. There were some hot bods to check out, as well as some that make you wonder, "What in the h-h-hell were you thinking getting naked for others to see?!". Also, I had an idea to use a red blanket as a prop for my shoot, and the wind just happened to come by and help me out.

Of the other good I saw, I saw one past scene partner, the nudist that I mentioned in my post about Folsom Street East, and one of the 1st faces I saw when I hit the beach was a blond I've seen at a few sex parties. It was one of those attractions where you never talk, instead you just make out. We have yet to fuck, but I think in due time. Because while Brayden (who got his pictures taken first) was doing his shoot, the guy came over to me. He introduced himself, I heard an accent, and I discovered that he was German. And it has long been rumored that many Germans - male and female, love the chocolate.

Me and Brayden both had audiences during our shoots. Before my shoot, we went over to some guys who were checking out Brayden during his shoot. They were all White, but only one of them decided to acknowledge my existence by asking my name and where I was from. When we came back to that area by the water for part of my shoot, I later discovered that he was either the more obvious one of them with color-blind taste, or more forthcoming with it. Because he was sitting up watching my shoot then suddenly had to cover his crotch with a towel. What puzzles me is the fact that while this one guy was getting aroused, ALL OF THEM were watching me during my shoot as well. Some may think that I'm looking too much into this, but when you are the thinker that you should be, you can't help but try to understand the behavior that motivated most of them to ignore me one minute, then be unable to take their eyes off me the next. It's the human mind at it's fascinating and complex best.

It was a fun day overall. Great conversations, and as you will see from this slideshow great pics.

The inspiration to use "Runaway" by Janet Jackson as background music hit me in true artist form, by being the 1st thing that came to mind the other morning when I was envisioning this slideshow. I just heard the music in my head, and decided it was perfect. Also having the connection to music that I have, I don't think it's too hard to understand why I chose "Runaway" by Janet Jackson as background music for the slideshow. It's because my trip to Sandy Hook was time for me to "runaway" from crazy world that is NYC for a day, and even though I saw a great many faces that I see in NYC, I LOVED every bit of that escape....and what came of it.

Friday, June 25, 2010

With Gay Pride weekend now upon us, many of us are going to have sex as part of our celebration. I myself am just coming back from the Hot Jock Party where I was a top all night. Pleased to say that I pretty much sucked and fucked the United Nations as my playmates included the bubble-butts of a Latino, a muscular White American and a muscular Euro, and a tall and slim Black guy. No Asian booty got plugged, but I did cop a feel of some of their smooth asses and suck on some of their cocks.

Anyway, to avoid getting too off topic, with that sex and any sex I have with weekend comes my policy of no drug use as part of the sex play. Making that rule of mine so public in "Write That Down #17" has made me lose some fuck-buddies. Some are still my friends on Facebook, but refuse to even acknowledge my existence. My thought is then, why stay my friends list, if I'm not worth interacting with? It's because to take me off their friends list lets me know who I was talking about in those posts, even if they're not sure that I was writing about them. In short, they can't show their guilty conscience eating at them.

Regardless, I'm sticking to my guns on this issue, and standing by my policy of no drugs, especially during sex. Because by keeping that policy, I don't have to worry about the additional work it takes to make lines of cocaine and sniff them just right, or the work of cutting a pill of Ecstasy for just the right buzz, or the work of filling and lighting up the pipe to smoke crystal meth and puffing it just right, AND THEN popping a Viagra to counter the side effect of a limp dick from taking any or all of these drugs.

With this in mind, my latest "Write That Down" quote is:

The beauty of drug-free sex is that it's void of the additional work of setting up the drugs. The only work required is the sheer beauty of 2 'F' words---- FUCK and FEEL.

With that said, for this Gay Pride Weekend and for always, have some drug-free sex so you can better enjoy and remember the fuck and feel.

HAPPYPRIDE!!!!

P.S. - Along with my profile pic on Facebook, the picture above is a preview of the shots taken of me by Photo Freedom on the nude beach in Sandy Hook, NJ.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I had quite a busy weekend with all the volunteering to get entry into some places. Friday was the start by me volunteering to help set up for Broadway Bares XX. Saturday was a day of fun and sun as I lost my nude beach virginity by going out to Sandy Hook for a photoshoot, with my friend Neal as the photographer (more on that in a future post). But Sunday was the craziest of those days, as I woke up early to volunteer to help set up for Folsom Street East, attended the events, THEN went back home to the Bronx, and got changed to come back to Manhattan so I could use my ticket for Braodway Bares XX: Strip-opoly.

Needless to say, it was a skin-filled weekend. I'll start backwards with Broadway Bares XX: Strip-opoly, because while I had a great time, I can say as much as I would like to. For I couldn't see but so much between my height and some guy who wasn't much taller than me BUT had his hair with a gelled peak blocking my view. So with a star-studded guest list with the likes of Vanessa Williams, Kristin Chenoweth, Lucy Liu, and others I couldn't do much in regards to pics this year like I did last year. Especially because trying to get around that guy's gelled peak was making me miss the show, and obstructs others' view like mine was obstructed. So enjoy what I tried my best to bring you.

The reason I backtracked is because the most scandalous stuff came from Folsom Street East. And it's no secret how you all love scandal. After all, isn't that why you're here?

After arriving at Folsom Street East, my initial plan was to change at the volunteers table into my little black and brown leatherette thong, but I saw so few people dressed in fetish gear. And of those in fetish gear, few were pushing the envelope even at the booths. Then I decided 2 things: (1) if I don't see them yet, someone here is pushing the envelope the way I want to with my planned outfit, and (2) as much as I hate to harp on this fact, few Black guys ever try pushing that envelope, so someone needs to have enough balls to represent. With those 2 things in mind, I went to the volunteer table and changed. And I emerged with a load of eyes on me. For which I am by no means complaining.

One of my 1st stops was seeing demos by the NY Bondage Club. Now, let me inform you that bondage is not my thing. I like my hands free to grope my sex partner, and being refused that is very, VERY, VERY, VERYseldom a turn-on. However, while bondage itself is not my cup of tea, one guy getting tied up by a big daddy was someone who I wouldn't mind having a long hard flip-fucking session with, especially with that nice bouncy ass of his. I'm sure it would be a pleasure to fuck and grope while being fucked. And the muscular Bondage Master (or whatever his title is) could fucked my ass so long and hard that I would have to do Kegels alot more than I already do in oder to get myself back to my tight self. In fact, I found myself so infatuated that I even fantasized about him having bound while he pounds - away at my hungry hole.

I also met a nudist. He recognized me from my outing on Saturday to Sandy Hook's nude beach. He was sitting across from me and my friends that day. He was sporting a pretty nice hard-on. One that if it wasn't for beach rules, I would have went into my bag, grabbed a condom and lube and had a seat there instead of on the beach blanket with my friends, and rode his dick like I was on a bucking bronco. We chatted for a bit, exchanged taking pics of each other and emails. And I signed up to be on the email list of the nudist group he's a part of.

I also ran into quite a few past tricks. No surprise there. Including one from the Olympus party that I sometime help out at. I don't know if he recognized me from there, but I did recognize one defining mark on him - his tattoo of a Chinese symbol on the back of his right shoulder. Whether he recognized me or not, he was still smitten with me. At one point, I was walking into a crowd where you could hardly move. He was behind me, and as he took full advantage, I let him. He felt up my ass, took my hand and directed it to his crotch, and pulled my head back to kiss me. Never exchanging names. It was obvious that if he could have, he would have fucked my ass until he was sweating buckets just like he did at the sex party that night.

The event of the day many looked forward to was the pie-eating contest where they smack a cream pie on a guy's ass and his partner has to lick him clean, with the team to make lick their way to a pie-free as first is the winner. With all the nice asses on that stage, I found myself a bit jealous. Then again, it wouldn't be much fun to have to rush eating out any of those nice asses, including that of co-host Mike Dreyden. Well, you'll see why as you watch this slideshow that includes all that I've talked about here, and then some, such as slides of performances by Fredrick Ford, the Imperial Court of New York, and Peppermint. And opens with a run-in with D. Kareem, author of The Blackout Blog.

The finale performance of the day was from Sylvia Tosun. Here's the video I recorded of her finale.

With so much booty to view and fantasize about this past weekend, you know I needed all day Monday to recuperate. And looking at these pics for this blog post just brought that exhaustion right back. I hope you enjoyed it.

Monday, June 21, 2010

This posting is meant to direct you today's real story. For my latest blog entry is not a post on this blog, but on MOC Blog instead as it's an answer to a question he posted regarding the reason for the seemingly low support from Blacks for gay marriage. I hope you will feel that I said what needed to be said.

A pic like the one on your right is included in the post to show a perfect example of ONE OF THE TWO REASONS WHY, as it's from the NYC gay rooftop party, Summer Camp as they were holding a fashion show by Diesel recently. Can you get any more pastey white and showing token tanned skin.....especially in NYC?

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Last year, I posted flyers on the houses out on Fire Island, and help set up the underwear party with my payment being a stay at Daniel Nardicio's place. This past Friday morning I had to get up to help set up for Broadway Bares with my payment being a general admission ticket to the show. This morning I am volunteering to help set up for Folsom Street East with my payment as free entry to the event.

Being a part of all of these things are considered by quite a few to be "cool". Well, I recently had a revelation about how much hard work I had to put in in order to experience these things.

As Friday morning approached for me to go to Roseland Ballroom to help set up for Broadway Bares XX, I realized that on the rare occasion that I get in free somewhere, it's because of my loyalty to the promoter, or the person working the door taking note of my loyalty because we've worked together in the past. But while in my case, my free pass is obviously earned, there are those others that you see at parties and events who have done nothing of the kind to be in good with those people. We all know the type - those guys you see at the club party or event getting VIP treatment who get in for free and getting swag almost everywhere they go because they got some "connection". A connection that we all know was born out of them either using, sucking, or fucking their way through the proper channels. And because of that, these people take these experiences for granted. Why? Because they're young, dumb, and full of cum....and not necessarily their own cum either.

In the meantime, what does my hard work get me. JUST a free pass, maybe a free drink, and not one bit of swag. If I want a gift, the cashier says to me...."That will be X amount of dollars, please."

The short version of all of these emotions can best be shortened into my latest "Wrte That Down" quote:

From spending time on Fire Island to going to Broadway Bares, every "cool" place and event I've ever went to, even with a proper connection in play....I had to ACTUALLY WORK for that experience. And I take great pride in that. For I'm not one of these overgrown kids who have used, sucked and/or fucked their way to those connections and freebies. Hence why I don't take these experiences for granted.

So with all that I said before, along with that pride, it may seem like I'm complaining, and by some being greedy and ungrateful. And to a point, I am complaining, but I am by no means being greedy or ungrateful, even though I am well aware that most of the aforementioned are charity events. Because while I'm glad to work for the experience, since it is the right thing to do, one should be given more incentive like swag and/or VIP treatment for doing the right thing. For after seeing all those people that use, suck, and fuck their way up the ladder getting rewards and reminders, in most people, that pride that I hold on to will fade without a memento to show that it was worth it. It may very well be the reason why some events lose volunteers.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Initially, his picture reminded me of my best on-camera fuck, Favian Gotti from "The Interview", so I had to see what was the deal with this guy. Because I already figured that sex with people who look alike tends to create close to the same sexual chemistry. With Favian Gotti, the chemistry was so great for me that I forgot I was on a porn set, and even after the director said "Cut"....for Favian, it kept him still dipping his dick into my ass.

Keeping that my theory about sexual chemistry with look-alikes in mind, that would mean that a fuck between me and SeXy_PaPi_911 would be CRAZY HOT with me as a bottom to him as a top. BUT with SeXy_PaPi_911's video screaming "bottom", it makes me want to do some research as to whether or not that sexual chemistry changes when the roles of who's the top and who's the bottom reverse.

SeXy_PaPi_911's collection of videos screaming "bottom" is by no means a bad thing.

With videos like that, it's obviosuly not a bad thing. Can you imagine him doing that jiggle while your dick is in him? I can, and I'm sure it will make the fuck that much hotter. I would just love to see his dick though. And he does show it to us in one of his (at this point) 17 videos, which includes a cumshot that I would love to show the cum-pig I am by wearing and/or tasting his thick man-milk.

I love playing with a guy's cock when I'm fucking him, and a nice dick like his gives me more to play with, and while I can't tell from the video whose cock is bigger, it may possibly break the pre-conceived rules that the guy with the bigger dick is the top, and I LOVE breaking those kind of rules. Just as I would LOVE to fuck SeXy_PaPi_911. In fact, I would come out of my retirement from porn to play with that dick while giving bounce-inducing pounds to that juicy ass of his.

Now if he was to decide to top, he would be more than welcome to do the same to mine. After all, I have been known to make a good number of bottoms once seeing my ass in the flesh decide to experiment with being a top. And I must say that they come out doing quite well.

Either way, as being his bottom self or experimenting with being a top, I believe it's quite obvious....SeXy_PaPi_911 and I should hook up so we can fuck long and hard.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

If you recall my dance video from last summer, "Tre Xavier - Touch/So Much Betta", then you may also recall my dedication at the end to the one and only, Michael Jackson. Dedication that shows how my stance in my photo on the right was no accident. Since my retirement from porn I have started talking more and more about my talents as a mainstream performer that I hid from public display during my time in porn.

What's funny about this video is that it was made a few months before I decided to no longer pursue being in the porn movies. I look back now as this video was my subconscience telling me, "It time". A sign that I was destined for more, and distance myself from becoming another porn statistic by either escorting, being a kept boy and/or drug addict, and/or committing suicide. A fate many present porn heros are destined for OR are already living.

The reason I bring this the fact of these porn tragedies is because when I originallly thought to write this post, it was going to be quite short with a couple of videos to show how Michael Jackson's talent has always been lurking in me as an inspration, as some of my dance moves in that video are a clear sign of that. However, after a recent debate in the comments of the blog, Chronicles of Pornia, it is quite obvious that showing my artistic talents after being in porn has made me the envy of some, maybe even a great many. So much so that someone disagreeing with my point of view tried to not only insult me, but my most recent project as a whole, the gay soap opera pilot, "16th & 8th". Out of the sheer envy that I've taken myself away from becoming a statistic like this person's porn hero, who is most likely a kept boy.

Well, being the stubborn Aries that I am, I'm letting nothing (or no one) get me down, which is probably partly why I maintain such a youthful look and energy that makes many not realize that the big 4-0 is just around the corner for me - with no Botox required. Meanwhile this person who tried to insult me, is either there already and it's obvious, or he's young living a life where it will be obvious soon enough . So I'm still inspired by talents like Michael Jackson's to move forward with my performance endeavors, unleashing my talents onto an unsuspecting world.

Since Michael Jackson's death, there have been unreleased songs cropping up. Many can be found on YouTube. With that in mind, I made a playlist of some of them with plans to add more as they become available. There is one dance track that is so classic Michael that I can't get it out of my head. So check this out:....

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Do not be misled by the title. I wasn't actually crying my eyes out on the corner of 16th Street and 8th Avenue in New York City. It was my latest acting gig. An acting gig that was unexpected actually.

While some may not be down with social networking sites, I feel it depends on if you use them properly. Such is the case as to how this acting gig came about. My friend, Jed Ryan posted a notice saying that Stephen Schulman was looking for "Party Boys" for a gay soap opera pilot he was shooting. Always looking for something new to involve myself in, I sent Stephen an email, and got a reply not too long after saying that he would love to have me.

Stephen was quite detail-orientented, and made sure to make me aware that there would be "same sex scenes of intimacy and comfortable being shirtless in a scene or two". I laughed out loud when I read this because as an overwhelming majority of you know, the persona of "Tré Xavier" was born out of my being in gay porn. So the idea of being in the midst of same sex intimacy and/or shirtless for me is a "been there, done that" scenario.

The 1st scene that was shot using "Party Boys" that day had me as bit of a featured extra. I was not expecting this at all, so it was a welcome surprise to find out I was to be "Crying Boy". The part had me whining over some guy dumb enough to leave the greatness that is me. I do this whining on the shoulder of one of the featured characters. To stop my incessant whining, she basically in short, advises me to get over the guy who dumped me by being a slut, and makes me guzzle down some vodka for liquid courage.

When doing so many takes of a scene, you never know which one they're going to use. I will say that in this case, one of the takes was a complete accident on my part. What happened was that when the "vodka" gets poured down my throat, for one of the takes, I both gargled then burped, which was a total accident. The funny thing is that everyone seemed to love it. My experience on sets does show that accidents do sometimes make for the best parts of scenes.

Later, there was an orgy scene that required guys to strip down to their underwear. At first, being the exhibitionist that I am, I was a little disappointed that I wasn't going to be a part of this because of my being "Crying Boy". Then I realized a couple of things: (1) I was already been a sexual extra in "Michael Lucas' La Dolce Vita", so that's another "been there, done that" scenario for my exhibitionism; and (2) NOW, I'm embarking on a new mindset for my life - one where so many displays of exhibitionism don't seem to be as necessary as they seemed to be before, even though I still have the body where I can get away with it. Therefore, old fans get to see me in a new light, and I may gain new ones in the process. So in all actuality, everything worked out for the best. Once again, my Aries positive outlook at work.

While I was unable to find out who made the quote, "There are no small parts, only small actors", if you look at that quote the way I do, you find it quite true. A cynic may say that it's a way for someone with a smaller role to big themselves up. Maybe so. But for me, I take each part no matter how small as a way to better my skills, by not just what I take in as an actor, but by what I see of the production as a whole. So while "Crying Boy" can be just a blip on the screen to a viewer, this experience on the set of "16th & 8th" was a refresher course for me. Making this small part a tool to fuel my knowledge-craving mind.

Thanks and the best of luck to Stephen Schulman, Athena Reich, Jed Ryan, and all the actors and crew.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Many gay males have fallen prey to the porn-induced idea of how "bigger is better". Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but to those dumb enough to believe that, if you've been following that credo long enough, then it is costing you. I'm sure many of you will refuse to admit it to the price you are paying, even when I point out the facts, and I'm not only talking about mere size queens here. I'm also talking about people who are into fisting. Especially those heavy into it.

Let me start by bringing your attention to a part of my presentation at Sex Worker Literati this past December:

....since I’ve never been on the search for the “next big thing” my ass can take it short, long, thick or thin. Because I’m not one of these guys who is so on the hunt for the next big cock, the next big dildo, the next fist, maybe even the next big kitchen sink to stick in their ass, that they’ve probably have a hole that would echo if I talked into it because it is now as wide as the Grand Canyon, if not more so.

I've spoken before about my reputation for having a tight hole. It's a reputation I greatly enjoy having, which is the reason why while I so badly want to try it, I'm still frightened by the thought of doing a double-penetration. You see, I do my Kegels, but that is really only good for your sphincter. So I know already that my sphincter will bounce back. However, what about INSIDE? For that is also, if not more so a part of why guys like fucking my ass so much. In my 3-some that I mentioned in "Dumb Sell-Out Mo-Fo" with the Italian and the Romanian, the Italian said he's a bottom, but he got inside my ass, and became versatile. This is not the 1st time that I've caused such a change in a person, and I love the fact that my hole feels so good that it turns bottoms into versatile guys, even if it's for just that one night. Because unfortunately, with so many gay bottoming males not showing the maturity that I have, there won't be too many occasions where bottoms like the Italian will be motivated to attempt such a thing.

It's because guys who are size queens and do fisting don't have the luxury that I have. After a while, by looking for that "next big thing" to put in their ass, they lose that luxury called, "choice". They become locked in a prison of their own making. All because they never thought to grow up and let go of that fascination with a big cock long enough to make their bodies able to take anything else. I've come to realize now, that when I hear someone say that they can't see themselves with a guy with a small dick, it's not so much out of choice, but out of necessity.

Their necessity for a big cock comes from all of the big cocks, big unreal-sized dildos, and fisting (in short, acts of self-loathing) that these guys have opened up their insides so much that when it comes to person-to-person anal sex, a thick cock is all they can take to feel any kind of sensation. Plus, tops with cocks that big don't have to do the work of being totally hard in order to get inside these kinds of bottoms, like they need to be in order to get inside me. Now, while some of these bottoms may do Kegels (like some I've known), this only makes their looseness not so obvious from the outside. However, I've been with a few guys who are size queens and do fisting that once inside, I can almost turn my dick around inside them like I was turning a jump-rope. So needless to say, I don't stay hard, because the only part of my dick getting any contact and feeling is the part wrapped around by his sphincter. And it's because the part of them that I need to feel on my dick to keep me hard has been destroyed....by their own self-destructive mindset and behavior.

I have often admitted that I don't have the thickest dick, but it's not the thinnest one either. Therefore, there is no reason my dick should feel little to no contact with the walls of a guy's rectum unless they've done something to themselves to undo the warm 98.6 degree embrace that should be around any cock of any size. The same warm embrace that guys love feeling when they're inside me, and want more of. In fact, I have never bottomed for a guy, whether spending the night at his place or mine, where he didn't fucked my ass at least twice - once when we got in the door, again as a way to say, "Good morning", and maybe another in between. And each time, he draw it out, because he didn't my tight ass (outside and inside) to make him come too soon.

One guy I recall, once we got to his place, fucked me in a variety of positions like he was doing half of the gay Kama Sutra. We cuddled all night. The next morning, he didn't say a word to me, not even a kiss. He just rubbed my ass, reached for lube to put on my hole then a condom to put on his dick, and fucked my ass like the was doing the 2nd half of the gay Kama Sutra. After he sprayed his man-milk all over me, THEN we smiled at each other and said, "Good morning".

I wondered what inspired such a way to say "Good morning". One with no words spoken, where all he craves....are my anal walls giving a smooth warming rub against his cock. While he was a pretty decent size, I'm sure size queens and fisting bottoms couldn't have given him the same pleasure.

I know that before I get started on this topic that I would offend some people (as if that's new). Some of whom I've had sex with in the past. And because of what I've said here, I'll probably will never have sex with them again. And you know what? That's fine by me, because if you're not man enough to handle the truth of what I'm saying about what you've done to yourself, then you are of no good to me, because you are of no good to yourself.

Now, while I don't agree with either practice, I'll accept the possibility that there may be a way to be a size queen and into fisting and not have your insides widened like the Grand Canyon. However, based on my experience, those guys are a select few who need to teach the majority whose insides are now loosey-goosey. Therefore, these guys have left me no choice, but to instead of "toot my own horn", as they say, in this case, I am motivated to loudly and proudly "toot my own hole".

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

My friend Michael recently was telling a friend of his that he admires that fact that I have the balls to say all that I say with my blog. He said of me, "He's bold enough to put his dick out there on the chopping block for them to chop it off, then he re-attaches it afterwards."

With "my dick" being a metaphor for "my boldness", it's a great compliment....to a point. The point why that compliment doesn't have my complete embrace is because, if you read between the lines (like all writers do), it says that for maybe even a second, I may be or seem to be defeated. And much as I love the character's ability, I wouldn't compare myself to the characther of "Claire Bennet" from "Heroes". You see, if you cut off a part of her, she would need someone to align the cut off part with her body in order for it to re-attach. My resilience needs no human assistance. Mainly because, it never left my body in the 1st place.

So my latest quote for "Write That Down" is a response to my friend, Michael's statement:

I do put my dick out there on the chopping block by what I say, but what I do is dare them to cut it off. However, when they show themselves dumb enough to try,....the blade of their tool of choice pops off and slaps them in the face, because my skin is so thick you would think I was the bastard son of Superman. For I felt the annoying tap of their effort, but never the pain of them succeeding. Because unless they're GOD....it's impossible.

If that quote and this video seem to be extreme displays of arrogance, when you take into account the decades of me questioning myself that I have lived to tell about, and the self-assured man that I am today, then these words and this video are not symbols of arrogance, but of the PRIDE that I have earned for myself.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

While I may have gotten a good deal of my start in the porn industry through them, I am going to be brutally honest in saying that ethnic porn companies are one of these most down-right exploitive of their models. They make a shit load of money because of their often lower price DVDs that may actually make them turn just as good a profit as mainstream studios overpriced DVDs. And when I say "just as good a profit", I mean in dollar amounts after production costs. The problem is that with ethnic porn studios, the models see no where near as much of that profit in the pay they get for their work as what mainstream studios pay their models. And what makes this exploitation worse is that the aforementioned action makes it slavery in the year 2010, especiallly since most ethnic porn studios are owned by Whites.

With that in mind, then can someone -

namely Marc Williams, Eddie Diaz, and Scott Alexander

make me understand the logic behind being Black porn actors who made a name for yourselves by working with more mainstream companies deciding to work with these ethnic porn companies. For they exploit these Black males who live such stereotypical lives by having an overload of street-smarts, that they have no smarts about life to see that they are being exploited.

If any of you reading this know any of these 3 performers, please forward this blog post to them. Thank you.

I have repeatedly said that I, myself had never wanted to do ethnic-themed porn. But because the racist views of porn producers about Blacks makes them close-minded to the thought of a Black man being a bottom . However, with the exception of Owen Hawk casting me in "69 Fuck Street", and Ben Marksman casting me in "All Out Assault", in order to make any kind of name for myself in the industry, I had no choice but to do ethnic-themed porn.

What made me address this matter is a posting on MOC Blog about Diesel Washington's posting on his blog about an angry reader complaining about his lack of sexual scene with Black males. Diesel revealed something that I have long suspected, and was wondering was it just me. Diesel said that the ethnic studios want to pay him too far below his rate. In my comment to that MOC Blog posting I re-told of my own such encounter with Big City Video. The main portion of my comment reads as follows:

If Diesel won't name a name, I will. Such happened to me with Big City Video. After doing at least 6 of my 8 movies (which by this point put my number of scenes and scene partners in double-digiits), Big City Video offered me the same mere $200 they offer any newcomer. While I may not have been as big a name as Diesel, I still deserved more than what one would pay a newcomer. They even had the fuck-faced audacity to catch an attitude when I said that I didn't want the scene partner they tried to pair me with.

So with that in mind, I am now wondering why is it that Black porn stars like Marc Williams, Eddie Diaz, and Scott Alexander working for companies like Pitbull Productions, Inc. Are they getting paid anywhere near the same rate they were getting paid by the mainstream porn companies? And if you are not, then why are they doing it?

There are some reasons that I have come up with as to why:

1)You're trying to avoid being called "sell-outs", like you seen some do to Diesel Washington. So you do this to appear that you're staying true to your "blackness". If you guys really believe that, then you don't seem to realize that doing "thug" porn to stay true to your "blackness" is the same as being the true definition of the word "nigger". Because it's STUPID! I do nothing to stay true to my "blackness". All that I do, I do to stay true to my HUMANITY. For following that credo, you can't help but do right by your fellow man no matter what color they are. So if staying true to your "blackness" is your reason, that also tells me;

2) Your real personalities are that of the negative stereotypcial Black male, and you've been putting your real personalities aside for the "almighty dollar", because there was more money in doing so. I personally have never been that stereotype, and have no intentions of returning to portraying it. I want better for myself. So if that's not the reason, then could it be; 3) You are so desperate to keep that porn spotlight flashing on you that you've lowered themselves to take any bone thrown at you. THAT is a scary thought. Because like I told myself from the moment I decided to get into the porn industry, "Don't crave that spotlight too much that you lower your standards, because after all, it's just porn."

I did at one point ignore my own advice by back-peddling. I was going to work with B.C. Productions, just for the sake of keeping my name floating around. But while I did my part of attending parties, and making scheduled phone calls, I found my time wasted by them, which is UNACCEPTABLE. And YES, I am calling them out on it. If I can call out Lucas Entertainment for wasting my time, you know I have no problem doing so with a 2-bit company housed near my old neighborhood of Bed-Stuy Brooklyn when it was big-time ghetto. That's was my wake-up call, and I never back-peddled again, and have since refused offers that did so either by their low offer of money and/or racially pigeon-holing content.

Let's consider the possiblity that you are making the same money you were making with the more mainstream studios. In that case, then it's the negative Black stereotype of "thugs" that you are now making yourselves a part of that's the problem. You were much more admirable for doing the opposite as the body of work amassed by Eddie Diaz and Marc Willaims-of-before is what I looked up to at one time. The truth is any Black male worth a damn is more satisfied with your previous work than the work you are doing now. So going this "thug" route, no matter how much money they are paying you makes you a sell-out. Not to the Black community, but more importantly....to yourselves.

Also, seeking that kind of approval is like kids in high school. So you lower yourself into playing into the highest promoted, yet lowest negative stereotype there is of Black males in gay porn, when all of your previous work made you trailblazers in making young Black males wanting to get into the porn industry to aim higher?

Oh, mature! Very mature....NOT!

Now, if I'm wrong about ANY conclusion or theory I have made here, then clue me in. And I'll be man enough to write a retraction. Thank you.

Friday, June 4, 2010

After my last post, you would think nothing good came from my being on DList.com. Well, I did meet a couple of hot guys over time. Some with it not so together, some just straight up full of shit. But there is one who I haven't had too many problems with. His name is Anthony.

There's certain facial features that just captivate and want to get deeper inside one's head, or in Anthony's case, also give some head. For Anthony, it was his thick eyebrows. They were the 1st things I noticed about him in his profile pic when he hit me up on DList. Then I saw pics of him from head to toe. They were clothed, not nude at all, but one thing that stood out about his build to me were his thighs, and how snug they were in his jeans. I could just imagine massaging them while riding his dick, however big his dick might be. We've chatted a few times, telling what we wanted to do to each other sexually, wondering if the chance would ever come to fruition.

One night I was go-go dancing at Sugarland in Brooklyn. I look down at the crowd and saw this cute guy walk in. There was something familiar about him, but I didn't know what. The more I looked at him while dancing on the bar, the more specifics of his body I took note of. His thick eyebrows, and his thick thighs. Thighs that I suspected were stems to hold up a nice ass, and when he turn his back to my view, I did see a nice ass. I kept dancing, and then it hit me as to who I was looking at. It was Anthony.

I tried thinking him to look up, but I was losing hope. You see, I was near the front of the bar, close enough to the front that his first real look at the bar would be beyond where I was. So with all of the other go-go boys being White, if Anthony was that into men of color, he would feel no reason or desire to take notice of any go-go boy on the bar. I guess this was my lucky night, because at one point he did look up, and when he did, I smiled at him. His eyes widened out of shock, and he came over to me. We reminded each other of our names, since it had been awhile since our last chat. I then did something I knew I could, but never do while doing a go-go dancing gig, I got off the bar to breifly socialize. We talked, and felt each other up. Anthony's cock got hard immediately, and touching on this guy that I've only seen online to be finally live and in the flesh in front of me made me hard in my skimpy underwear. So when I got back up on the bar, I was sporting some wood.

After that night, it had been a long time since I've ran into Anthony. Especially because the party I was dancing for at Sugarland was no longer there. Then one night, I went to The Cock in NYC. I sat on a bar stool trying to avoid people. The same way I did when I met the 2 Frenchmen. Suddenly, it was almost like that night at Sugarland, but this time, he was at eye level. I noticed a cute guy with thick eyebrows, and realized it was Anthony.

When he walked near me, I reached out and tapped his shoulder. Once he saw it was me, he was all over me. He came over, sat on the stool next to me, and the next thing I knew we were making out. He told me how bad he wanted to fuck me, and the more I touched him, the more mutual the feeling became. It became so mutual that I was considering breaking a rule of mine ----NO SEX IN BAR/CLUB RESTROOMS.

I made that rule official after an attempted tryst with a Brazilian a few years ago at Splash before the bathroom's present look. He wanted to fuck me and when he told me to put my knees on the seat, I was on the verge of screaming, "YOU GOT TO BE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN, MUTHA-FUCKIN' MIND!"

You see, I don't care how great your dick is, no one's cock is worth me putting my knees (covered or not) on a toilet seat where heaven only knows how many shitty, pubic liced-infested asses and pussies have hovered over and/or sat on it. But instead, I just said, "This isn't going to happen". Then I walked away.

Well, with Anthony I caved. We went to the bathroom, and to my surprise, it didn't wreak as usual. He pulled out his cock which had a big head. I sucked on him for a bit, then he asked if I wanted him to fuck me me, I obliged, I had a light backpack with me with condoms and lube in tow, so I reached in and gave him the condom while I lubed my hole. He was either so anxious or not used to guys who are not such size queens that their ass actually needs care when you enter it, because he damn near rammed that big head into my ass. While my mind craving his dick made me almost able to take it, my body felt otherwise. So he pulled out and tried again. Once in, he started off slow, then picked up the pace. I was leaning against the door, because The Cock being the trash of a dive that it is has no lock on their bathrooms.

After pounding my ass with no mercy, I squatted down to take his load as my ass muscles were feeling the burn from the workout Anthony gave them. I love the up-close view of cum spewing from a guy's cock. It makes my dick hard just thinking about it.

And I got to see and taste the results from Anthony.

They say, "Sometimes you just gotta break the rules". Well, I was glad I did that night, for it got me fucked in the bathroom....of The Cock of all places. But I must admit, I got fucked good.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

When DList.com first became widely known to many, it was because NYC party promoter Daniel Nardicio took it over from the "dot-bomb" website that it was before, Manmatch. MySpace was the biggest social networking site at the time, and Daniel wanted DList to be a gay version of it where gay men could be more sexually open, with the rule of X-rated pics or pics showing nudity being kept private, while MySpace allows no such option towards sexuality at all. Over time, this changed, and it was NOT Daniel's call. It turns out Daniel's partner in this venture had plans to sell DList to Manhunt. In this plan to sell DList, nudity and sexuality became more restricted, unless you were willing to pay for DList Plus. For those of you who have DList accounts, has someone ever unlocked their private pics for you, or go allowed you into what they now call their "backroom", and when you try to see their pics, you might see a few, but you suddenly get this sign:

?

Well, it's a scam to make you pay for either DList Plus and/or Manhunt for some nudity. This was not the DList I orignally signed up for, and I think pornstar Victor Steele should be quite insulted, since that's his body used in the sign.

Since this was not Daniel's vision of what he wanted DList to be, he felt leaving it was best. I still kept my account at DList simply for promoting this blog through their "bulletins" feature. But I recently had an incident that has made me feel that I also need to walk away.

It has been so long since I have updated my DList.com profile that I don't even remember. In fact, it's been so long that I still had Tre-X.com listed as my website, and I never added my Facebook page as a way to stay in touch with me. So imagine my surprise when I go to my account to promote my latest blog entry, and see that I have an email. I was wondering from who, and was on the verge of being flattered by someone's attention. That is until I got to my inbox to see the sender being DList, and the subject saying:

Your picture has been disapproved.

I opened the email and it gave a URL of the picture that was disapproved. It turned out being this one:

I remember this pic. It was a collage I made in August of '09. I used it later to promote a go-go dancing appearance I had planned on doing for Ernie Cote at the bar-now-closed, The Hose. So according to DList today, this is "too sexy". From Facebook, such prudishness is somewhat expected. Especially when it comes to gay ads and accounts. But based on the changes I've noticed since DList.com's inception, and new knowledge of the site's history, I'm ready, willing and able to make a much more informed decision as to whether I should continue having a profile on that site. Those things also help me to keep you informed.

I've had friends with pics containing less nudity that what is in that collage have their pictures removed at DList. One said that he was so annoyed by it that he cancelled his account altogether rather than deal with the hassle of it happening again. Since it has happened to before, (I don't even know what picture they were complaining about) I do believe the time has come for me to get rid of my DList.com profile.

So for me, DList.com is soon to be DList-dot-DONE.

Anyone who follows this blog through DList, you would be best advised to either go to the bottom and subscribe to it, friend me on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter. For those will be your choices of how to be kept up to date on what's going on with me and this blog when my DList account is gone.