Comment of the Day: An Emma Watson Dating Theory

Today we learned that the real reason Emma Watson, brainiac wizardess, dropped out of Brown University was because she couldn't get a date. (Or something.) "Huh???" we all wondered. Beautiful, smart, charming her? Yeah, apparently. But why? Why c/wouldn't she date? One commenter speculated.

I'm gonna guess Emma Watson is a bit of a basket case. It would make sense, given her incredibly unusual childhood.

If your friends tell you, "Men are just intimidated," that's code for either, "You're not very attractive" (unlikely in this case) or, "You are a stone-cold weirdo who puts sweaters on her pet ferret and makes Tori Amos look sane and predictable."

If she is indeed a Quirk, then there are three kinds of men in Emma's immediate vicinity: a) assholes who want to capitalize on/take advantage of her vulnerability and weirdness; b) weak little skinny dudes named "Parker" who have feeeeeeelings and are basically man-ginas with no appealing qualities, and c) nice, normal, hot guys who know not to "stick your dick in crazy," and are far more interested in one of Emma's hot, semi-normal friends. Then again, it could legitimately be the fame/attention angle, which would scare off most of the decent dudes I know.

Maybe she should hook up with Jason Mraz?

While I do not approve of the word "man-gina" in any way, shape, or form, I do approve of naming that character Parker and of the phrase "stone-cold weirdo." Where I would have gone with "straight-up weirdo," this commenter chose "stone-cold." And that kind of diversity is what makes America great.