Sunday, April 28, 2013

Dear Internet

I don't think I've every actually written a "dear John" letter to break up with someone. I usually do that in person. But when I decided to stop writing this blog, who should I have sent the letter to? The whole Internet? Awkward.

In any case, Internet, I'm sure you've figured out that I haven't been posting. It isn't you, though. It's me. I love you for your blogs, your news articles based on twitter feeds, your catchphrases ("Clean ALL THE THINGS!"), and your videos about sloths. But eventually I decided I didn't want to spend 20 hours per week writing blog entries. [Yes, that is actually how much time it took.]

So, since I could, I just stopped. I didn't even feel bad about it. It was the easiest break up ever, at least for me. I do appreciate that some of my dedicated readers felt that I had let them down, and I felt bad about that. My readers were awesome and encouraging, and I really loved it when my friends would quote me to me in the middle of conversations. The most often quoted:

"It's either a good date or a good story."

"A tip for the gentlemen out there: self-loathing is actually not as attractive a characteristic in a date as you might think."

"Did you just make a joke about shooting my dog in the head?"

"HOBO TOOTH! HOBO TOOTH!"

Sadly, no one has ever used the phrase "gnocchi pimp" to me, which I think is a gross oversight.

Occasionally, I meet someone at a party and they ask about what I do for fun. When I say that I write, they ask to read something of mine. For those people, here is a list of a few of my favorite entries. I hope you enjoy them. For dedicated readers, if you have a favorite line, please add it to the comments. Thanks for being so supportive while I was writing this. I'll let you know if I start a new project.