Xbox joysticking unlikely for game set inside vagina

The sun is unlikely to shine on an upcoming Xbox 360 game set inside the vagina and rectum, Microsoft says.

“Privates,” a new video game from British game developer Zombie Cow, has understandably drawnalotofattention for its setting. Slated for release this summer on the PC and on Xbox 360 through Microsoft’s Xbox Live Indie Games channel, the raunchy game is the studio’s fifth humor title.

“Privates is a platform twin-stick shooter in which you lead a teeny-tiny gang of condom-hatted marines as they delve into peoples’ vaginas and bottoms and blast away at all manner of oozy, shouty monsters,” Zombie Cow says on its website. “It’s rude, funny, bitingly satirical and technically pretty accurate if you don’t count the tiny people or the germs with teeth.”

Images courtesy of Zombie Cow

A screenshot from “Privates.” Click to enlarge

But Microsoft said “Privates” probably won’t be coming on Xbox 360, despite the studio’s desires. Though Xbox representatives have not yet ogled any live gameplay, “Privates” certainly appears to violate Microsoft’s guidelines for the independent-game distribution pipe on Xbox Live.

Xbox spokesman David Dennis sent seattlepi.com the following statement:

This game has not been submitted to our pre-publication peer review process, and it has not been approved for distribution on Xbox Live Indie Games. We have guidelines in place that closely track requirements of content ratings boards worldwide and, among other things, prohibit the publication of strong sexual content.

While we haven’t seen this game, we can confirm that if it is consistent with the description we have seen on the Internet, this game would not pass peer review and would not be permitted to be distributed on Xbox Live.

Updated 10:20 a.m., May 21: But there’s another aspect to this.

Zombie Cow developed the game with funding from U.K. broadcaster http://www.channel4.com/“>Channel 4, which plans to market it as educational. In an e-mail to seattlepi.com, Zombie Cow founder Dan Marshall said the game is intended to indirectly promote safe sex through its dealing with condom use, sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancy and other themes.

He said the game was written to follow the Personal, Social and Health Education guidelines of the British government’s National Curriculum.

“And the whole thing is essentially aimed at teenage boys,” Marshall wrote. “That said, we’re doing it in an entertaining, funny way so it’s approachable by people of all ages. It’s a really interesting project.”

Marshall said he’s not worrying now about Xbox approval – “it’s one of those bridges we’ll just have to cross when it comes to it,” he wrote. He added that Zombie Cow is not reliant on an Xbox version, because a free PC version will be distributed by Channel 4.

“There was always going to be a risk it won’t pass Peer Review, but obviously we’ll do whatever we can to get the Xbox version out,” Marshall wrote. “It’d be a shame if a huge number of teenagers missed out on some quality gaming and vital education because of some abstract, cellular-level innards and pubic hairs.”

He added: “The feedback I’ve had so far suggests it shouldn’t be a huge problem, and I’m sure the guys doing the peer review will judge it fairly and accordingly based on a thorough playthrough of the game. Although the content nudges the boundaries of the XBIG terms, I’m pretty sure we’re acceptably within them – particularly when the educational value of the title becomes apparent.

“When we’ve got a beta build, we’ll talk to Microsoft about it and see what they say, but it’s a little too early to start worrying about that sort of thing now.”

We’ll see how things play out, whether Zombie Cow can get “Privates” from the XNA Creators Club onto Xbox Live. But right now, it’s not looking like the studio will be getting it on.

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Correction: Clarified that Channel 4 is a U.K. broadcaster that distributes some video games on its website.