COLUMN: Foster parents are changing lives

By Missy Smith

Published: Thursday, July 25, 2013 at 06:38 PM.

I am sorry in advance. I have to say something that I know will offend some people.

I am so tired of people praising us for being foster parents and then stating that they could never do it because it would hurt their hearts too badly when they have to give these poor helpless children back.

Well then, God forbid you be inconvenienced with a little pain. These children will just stay in group homes (or homeless) feeling all alone, just wanting a family to take them in, hug them, kiss their boo-boos and wipe away their tears. Yes, they’ll be fed and go to school and possibly pass. But no, they won’t feel like they are part of a real family.

Enjoying holidays with large family tables covered in food and having their own seat right next to their foster mom and dad. They won’t jump out of bed on Christmas morning to wake “their” family up to go open all the presents that have their names on them under the family Christmas tree. They probably will not ever go on a family vacation, especially anywhere really nice. They may never even see a sunrise or sunset.

They will not learn how to be a functioning family unit. They may be abused or even worse molested, because people can be cruel. They will grow up and one day be a parent and possibly continue the vicious cycle.

You stay all nice and cozy in your little safe life, and don’t inconvenience yourselves to help a child become a functioning, loving, caring, productive human being.

There is no better of a feeling than taking a child on their first vacation. Or the first time they ever see the ocean and they lie on the floor of the pier and look through the slats of wood just to see the water below. Then they ask if the ocean goes on forever. Or get up early and make them get out of bed to see the sun come up. All the while convincing them that it will be worth it. Or taking them on their first roller coaster ride and waiting an extra half hour in line so they can be in the front row. Then try to convince them to keep their hands up.

I am sorry in advance. I have to say something that I know will offend some people.

I am so tired of people praising us for being foster parents and then stating that they could never do it because it would hurt their hearts too badly when they have to give these poor helpless children back.

Well then, God forbid you be inconvenienced with a little pain. These children will just stay in group homes (or homeless) feeling all alone, just wanting a family to take them in, hug them, kiss their boo-boos and wipe away their tears. Yes, they’ll be fed and go to school and possibly pass. But no, they won’t feel like they are part of a real family.

Enjoying holidays with large family tables covered in food and having their own seat right next to their foster mom and dad. They won’t jump out of bed on Christmas morning to wake “their” family up to go open all the presents that have their names on them under the family Christmas tree. They probably will not ever go on a family vacation, especially anywhere really nice. They may never even see a sunrise or sunset.

They will not learn how to be a functioning family unit. They may be abused or even worse molested, because people can be cruel. They will grow up and one day be a parent and possibly continue the vicious cycle.

You stay all nice and cozy in your little safe life, and don’t inconvenience yourselves to help a child become a functioning, loving, caring, productive human being.

There is no better of a feeling than taking a child on their first vacation. Or the first time they ever see the ocean and they lie on the floor of the pier and look through the slats of wood just to see the water below. Then they ask if the ocean goes on forever. Or get up early and make them get out of bed to see the sun come up. All the while convincing them that it will be worth it. Or taking them on their first roller coaster ride and waiting an extra half hour in line so they can be in the front row. Then try to convince them to keep their hands up.

Try taking an 8-year-old on their first plane ride and having to apologize to the people around us because he couldn’t stop giggling the entire flight. Or that they laughed through all the turbulence, just because you explained it as a bumpy road and not a danger.

It’s awesome to see a 12-year-old learn to swim when it took you all summer just to convince him to get in the pool and overcome his fear of water.

Or let an 8-year-old little girl, who had no real family unit, be the flower girl in your son’s wedding. It’s an amazing feeling every time you see them overcome an obstacle or have their “ah ha” moments. It is the most amazing feeling knowing that every minute that you spend with these children, you are changing lives. Not just now, but future lives. They will have children. They will remember the lessons and love that you taught them. They will remember how you treated them and possibly treat their children with the love that you showed them. They will carry on “your” family traditions. They can break the cycle! All they need is a chance.

They are not perfect. They will possibly make you madder than you ever have been in your life. You will have to apologize and explain that you aren’t perfect and don’t expect them to be perfect either.

But, one evening you will go to tuck that distant child in and they will tell you how much they love you and give you the biggest hug and won’t want to let you go. Trust me, you will cry for an hour! They will feel loved and will do their best to show you their love. They will become part of your family and yes it will rip your heart out when they leave you. You may never see them again. But then again, you may. But being their “hero” is an awesome gift for both of you.

Don’t complain about the world falling apart and how children are acting badly if you are not willing to help change the world. It takes a village to raise a child!