Life, the universe, and motherhood according to me. I'm a feminist, a liberal, a Presbyterian, and mom to three amazing young children, one with Down syndrome. All that is reflected here, along with whatever I might be feeling at the moment (quite often, it will be exhaustion).

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I love our new French Press. Which is different from a French Kiss. Which reminds me: where did you learn about the mechanics of all that stuff? How and when to French Kiss, what comes next and why?

I was on a date with a new guy once. It was our . . . second date, I guess, but the first real one, where he picked me up at my house, we went out to a carnival then to dinner - he paid! a pleasant surprise! - and then back to his house to hang out and watch movies. It was a double date with his sister and her boyfriend, which was not as weird as it might sound. We were all (young) adults.

Anyway, before the end of the first movie, my date's sister and her boyfriend were fast asleep, totally dead to the world. And the boy and I were kissing. Judge me if you must! It was exciting, but like most new relationships, it was a little awkward, too. I was sort of sitting on his lap, and he kept unbuckling my belt. Shortly thereafter - each time - I'd refasten it, though we never stopped kissing.

What's up with this guy? I wondered. How is he not getting the hint, here? Don't all guys know that wearing a belt on a date is a clear sign? What makes him think I'd let him down there on a first/second date, anyway? He's skipping a whole bunch of critical intermediary steps. And his sister is right over there! Plus, what he seems to have in mind is a physical impossibility in this position, anyway!

I ended up dating that boy for more than 3 years, so we had ample opportunity to discuss what happened on our first date. And what didn't.

"I didn't have a lot of experience with dating," he said. This was, perhaps, something of an understatement. "On TV and in movies, whenever people start making out, they always have sex. So when we started kissing, I just assumed . . . "

Seriously. And he was honestly sincere about the whole thing. But I couldn't believe how unrealistic his expectations were. Or were they? Maybe it was just me.

Since then, I've been more conscious of the way sex is portrayed in movies and on TV, and he was right. Kisses don't seem to really exist in their own right, anymore, they are more of an introduction, or even a physical euphemism. Sad.

Now it's your turn. Do you prefer your coffee drip-brewed or from a French press?

8 comments:

I was raised to believe that if a woman looks at you, that means she wants... wait. That's right - I was always the naive one when it comes to stuff like that. I was (am) a chronic long-term relationship guy - I only dated three women before Anny, and those were all long term deals, and I was friends with each one before we dated. I guess that sort of made me even more reluctant to do anything more than kiss.

I'm the lame guy, remember? In our list of "things we are going to share duty of telling the girls" I don't have drugs, smoking, sex, booze... I think my job will be to teach the girls why to value education more than I did!

French press, and also...preacher's son, I was a 'jr counselor' (read: mom was the children's director and needed to bring me along) at the little kids' summer camp. Um, that would make me about 12-13ish. He kissed me by surprise, and then I had a tongue. In my mouth. It wasn't mine. Talk about a surprise.I kind of figured it out on the fly from there.Because I was young, I guess, I never thought that it was going anywhere- I assumed that WAS the destination. Color me naive. Well, until high school.

And it is definitely different when two guys are in the mix, not one man and one woman. However, I was never one to assume a kiss would lead straight down that path...Although I think that once it did, I've never gone back. After the first time (or first few), a kiss definitely meant more was to come...

Being a 49 year old German transplant to Florida - by force of love - I grew up with a complete different understanding or maybe education about sex and love then most Americans. Whilst German women certainly arent open to quick happenings, dating is very different, after seeing each other for 2-3 times we decide to "be together" - we become a couple, all exclusive. That put huge responsibility upon persons as well as opening up to opportunities...

Steph, my first French kiss was . . . so gross! And so unromantic. I didn't get the whole concept and made the guy explain it to me in great detail first. More than once. Those who know me are probably not surprised by this!

Topher, thanks for the coffee tip! You're the one I always think of when we pull out the French press, because I saw it first at your apartment. :)

I agree about the inherent assumptions re: other part, too, especially as an adult.

Paula and Skip, that's sort of how I operate, too. Paul and I were serious, intense, very much together from our second "date" onward.

About Me

I used to work in publishing; now I stay home with my three young children. Late at night, when everyone else sleeps, I write.
The characters: daughter Ellie (13), daughter Ada (9), son Teddy (5), and husband Paul (39).