I'd rather be having a quiet drink... and can be followed on Twitter @alcothusiast; and friended on Untappd (handle: "neilcake" - all welcome).

Thursday, 14 August 2014

Sauza Tequila Blanco – It can’t be as bad as all that, can it?

I certainly wasn’t
intending to buy tequila that day, but there I was, in the booze aisle at
Morrison’s, and it was the first time I’d ever seen a supermarket tequila that
wasn’t Jose Cuervo or Sierra. I’ve got twenty quid. I’m out of tequila. I’m on
it.

Now, at £19.99 for
50cl this is poor value for a tequila that isn’t even 100% agave – especially
when it’s from a supermarket. 70cl of el Jimador was only just over £20
from Carrington’s, and soon after this purchase of Sauza I happened to be
looking online, and saw that Waitrose were selling the el Jimador Reposado
(gold) for £20… it just gets worse.

I’m not even kidding
because then, I started looking for reviews of Sauza (38% ABV) and it looks
like it is probably the worst tequila ever. Here’s some direct quotations:

From tequila.net

“Skip this one. It's not even passable as a
mixer.”

From Cracked.com

“Cheap, but really
they should be paying you to drink it.” Frankly, the page this one is culled from is negative about all
tequila, so perhaps take with a pinch of salt… and lime.

“Sauza is what the
parents of other tequila brands use as a boogeyman to scare their children into
being tasty. Sauza's a salty mix of hot garbage and all of your nightmares. If
hate was a liquid that you could drink, you would use it as a chaser for Sauza.” Someone thinks they’re funny.

“Sauza Tequila
doesn't go through the traditional distillation process that most brands go
through. Instead, the bottlers wait for someone to get drunk on different Tequila,
and then simply bottle that person's vomit and slap a Sauza label on it.”

It’s not all bad actually:

From Amazon

“The finest tequila
I have ever found -- I have purchased only this one for decades.” So how do you know it’s the finest?

The general
consensus though is that this is bad. But can anything actually be as bad as that? Let’s find out.

Firsly, let’s just
be sensible ok? Nothing can be as bad
as all that. This is the internet, and if you want people to read your work and
enjoy it, you are maybe going to exaggerate a little. The point is that this is
supposed to be particularly bad tequila. I suppose I’m saying that as a
reminder to myself - to maintain some
perspective before I start over-analysing.

So what happened at
fulfilment time?

I opened the bottle,
poured a little and went to the next room to get my camera. A few seconds later
when I returned, the smell of alcohol had escaped, and I found that pleasing.
Off to the living room, bottle and all where I think we were watching a
documentary about former chess champion Bobby Fischer.

I followed the
procedure of sip one, neck a couple, sip one to get a full impression of what
it’s like neat and what I found was that, while it’s not that bad, it certainly isn’t good and it doesn’t even taste like tequila. I can’t detect any agave in there and there is little
to enjoy – perhaps a slight citrus element, but mostly aniseed. It’s grainy and
watery, and it’s certainly not something that is likely to replace my Stoli
Blue (which, at time of writing was sadly on its way out and is now long gone)
as an early evening mood enhancer.

Since it’s not a
sipper (or even a shooter), that meant I would have to try two more tests –
with lime and tequila sunrise. This
would be something Mrs Cake could get involved in.

With lime

Yes, I can find a
use for Sauza if I squeeze a little lime juice into it, but that’s not what I
buy tequila for. You can squeeze lime juice into pretty much any bad spirit and
make it palatable. What I’m looking for is something I can sip on its own and
marvel at how horrible but how great it is at the same time. Sauza just tastes…
dirty.

True enough, I do
need something I can just throw down my throat before I head out the door in
the morning… just kidding, I mean before I go on a heavy night out sometimes,
but even then, there are so many more and better alternatives than this one.

Tequila Sunrise

Sorry, I didn’t even
get around to trying it with the old orange juice and grenadine. That’s not
really the point though, is it? If it was the cheapest tequila, and you wanted
to mix it, then fine, but this isn’t even the cheapest tequila. There’s better,
there’s better for drinking straight and there’s cheaper for if you just want
to mix it.

Is it as bad as all that?

No. Not quite. But
it’s not that much better than all that. Some people don’t like tequila anyway,
but I do and this almost makes me forget why. So there you have it. If you’ve
got £20 to spend on tequila, you can get the 100% agave Jose Cuervo Tradicional
(which I’ll be looking at another time) or el Jimador. If you don’t even have
that much, maybe just don’t bother. Eh? There’s a good lad.

Now, I’m off to
Florida this weekend (don’t rob my house while I’m gone, will you?) where I’ll
be visiting NASA, swimming with manatees and then feigning extreme enthusiasm
(hopefully while suitably “merry”) all the way around Disney World. More
importantly, I’ll be using the experience to pick up some bourbon brands that I
might not be able to get at home. It does mean that there won’t be a post next
week, but don’t worry. I’ll be back the week after that, and at the moment it
looks like I’ll be looking at the Grant’s Sherry Cask Edition. Join me then.
See you later.

Definitions

What happens when you zone out after having had a cheeky lunchtime pint.

Alcothusiast:

Not an alcoholic, someone who appreciates booze.

Anxiety, The:

The uneasy feeling that accompanies any noteworthy hangover.

Booze Buffet Mentality:

The propensity people have to go nuts whenever there's a free bar.

Booze Porn:Photos of alcohol.

Bread Chest:Not booze related, but this term describes the indigestion you get from eating too many bread products too quickly. Just putting it out there...

Crawler's Block:The inability to decide where to go next during a pub crawl - often resulting in crawl stagnation and someone saying, "shall we just have another one here?"

Crawl Stagnation:The result of failing to plan a pub crawl sufficiently - lack of a route, theme or over-familiarity with nearby pubs can all be contributing factors.

Excess Induced Alcohol Aversion:An intolerance for a drink caused (usually) by one occasion of overindulgence.

The Family:My whisky collection.

MOMA:

Moment of Maximum Appreciation. Every bottle has one. It's the time you drink it where you enjoy it most.

Old Man Pub:Traditional British pub, renowned for being quiet, cosy and frequented by old men. Much favoured by people who like a nice chat while they drink.Psychological Drinks Cabinet:Collective term relating to the kinds of alcoholic drinks a person has need for.Road Beers:

Cans of beer that you take with you when you go out, to consume on the way.

The 3 Types of Rum:White, gold and dark. Together they form the base of many a great cocktail.

About Me

Neil Cake is interested in all types of booze, but is by no means an authority or expert. Most of the time he's just trying to be funny, but he is learning, and enjoys sharing his adventures and what he learns on the Drink it How You Like it blog.
Thengyuverrymuuuuuch.