Thursday, April 2, 2009

Cancer Etiquette 101

I thought this would be helpful since we all know someone that is being affected with cancer and we are not taught how to react. I really liked this when I received it and wanted to pass it along.

What do you say when you learn that someoneyou care about has cancer?

What do you do? Is there any “right” way or “wrong” way to respondto the news?Most cancer survivors we’ve talked with have storiesto tell of comments and gestures made by friendsand family members, some of which were hurtfuland some of which were helpful. Based on thosesurvivors’ stories as well as our own experiences,we offer the following "do's" and “don’t’s”.

First the "don't's":1. The worst thing you can say or do is to say or donothing at all. Almost every survivor we’ve everspoken with can tell of at least one person who, uponhearing the news, disappeared and was never heardfrom again. Maybe the fact that your friend or lovedone has cancer is the worst news you’ve ever heardand you can’t stand the thought of him being this sick.You don’t know what to say or do, and it’s toopainful to see him without hair, and the house smellslike a hospital, and, well, it’s all so just so scary. Wedon’t mean to be harsh here, but this really isn’tabout you. Stick around, please. Your lovingpresence alone can be the healing salve for awounded, frightened spirit.2. We know you mean well when you say, “Godwon’t give you more than you can handle,” but wewish you would listen to the implications in thatcomment and refrain from using it. It implies thatGod gave us cancer which inference often leadsnewly diagnosed patients to wonder if God ispunishing them for something they did or failed todo, and that's the last thing we need to be worryingabout right now.To clean up a popular phrase, stuff happens. People get cancer (1 in 3, in fact). People get lots ofother awful diseases, too. Babies are born withdefects. Long-distance runners have heart attacks. Brave men and women go to war and get killed. Supermen fall from horses, and maniacs fly airplanesinto buildings. And, yes, many people do get morethan they can handle as evidenced by suicide rates. We don’t mean to step on anyone’s religion here, butwe refuse to believe God is the one causing all this mayhem, destruction and chaos. Conversely, we believe God grieves with us whenthese things happen, and He is there for us and withus in the treatment room, in the delivery room, onthe racecourse, on the battlefield, in the emergencyroom, on the airplane and inside its target. Insteadof telling us that God gave us cancer, tell us thatGod will be with us every step of the way.3. Don’t predict the future. Acknowledge theseriousness of the diagnosis without being morbid(Oh, my God! My aunt had the very same thing andshe died 8 months later!”) and without beingunrealistic (“You’ll probably outlive me. I could gethit by a bus tomorrow!”). We don’t know what’sgoing to happen to us, and neither do you. Tell ushappy stories of other long-term cancer survivors(but refrain from saying someone had “the very samething”; no two cancer diagnoses are ever thesame). Never, ever tell us stories with unhappy endings.

Now for the “do’s”:1.Things to say: “I’m here for you.” “You can crywith me.” “I love you.” “I won’t leaveyou.” “Whatever you’re feeling is okay.”Just be there. Follow our lead. We’ll let you know ifwe want to “talk about it,” and if we do, please letus. Don’t change the subject. When you don’t allowus to talk about our disease, it makes us feel aloneand isolated.2.Things to do: Take my kids out for pizza and amovie or, better yet, for the weekend. Offer topick up prescriptions, take the dog to the groomerand run other errands. Clip cartoons and funnypictures and send them in a card. Bring thoughtfulgifts (a book or magazine, a tabletop fountain, ameditation tape or CD); avoid things with strongsmells (bath sets, flowers, food, etc.) until youknow how I'm reacting to my treatments.

Ha Ha Ha...I just figured out how to change the color of the text...lol...I've only been typing on this thing for 6 months now. lolI hope this helps some of you in your life if you are ever faced with "what the heck do I say or do?"

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Guns N Hoses to Benefit the Miller's

The Goodyear Fire Fighters took on the Goodyear Police Officers in the annual Guns N Hoses Flag Football Game on November 15th. The proceeds from the game went to the family of Goodyear Police Sgt. Deron Miller. Sgt. Miller's wife, Kim, was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in October.