I am going to start a bit of a rant today. It’s cold and I’ve drank a lot of coffee roday. I hope you can take some useful tips from this post. Please leave a comment for the post and tweet or facebook it, or whatever those buttons are. I do get a lot of emails from people who read my blogs, instead of contacting me please post them here so I can reply and everyone gets the benefit of the answer. Please note that the clients who I refer to in this post have given their full permission and has approved it prior to publishing.

A client came to see me last month, he wanted motivation, self esteem, passion for life and a list of other crap he had read in self help books. He had attended a motivation seminar earlier this year, but surprising this did not have lasting results. He had even tried EFT, the practice of tapping your face and other magical energy points on your body while repeating mantras like “I fully accept myself” etc. If you think EFT will get you results then I have some magic beans you might be interested in buying. Also you can earn £10k a month just by working 2 hours a week from home. If something seems too good to be true, that is because it is. Maybe I am just cynical and should learn how to use the “Law of Attraction”, maybe not.

My first question to everyone I work with is “what do you want?” His reply was “I want my life back”. He is currently out of work and sits around all day in his little dingy bedsit, which is above a take away in a bad part of London. He does not have any friends, his family are distant and he fills his days by playing computer games, drinking and smoking a lot of weed. It is not hard to see why people get depressed, if I had his life I certainly would be too.

Although his life seems crappy now, it wasn’t always this way. 2 years ago he was a successful business man with him own company. He had a nice girlfriend, a good social circle and overall enjoyed life. Everything was fine until the recession hit and the banks overnight cut his credit limit. This had catastrophic results on his business and it imploded within a week. He lost his house, his business, his girlfriend and most important his sense of worth/motivation/self esteem/inner game/fill in the blank for yourself. For the past two years he has tried to escape his current reality with drinking, weed, computer games and anything else that takes his mind of his problems.

His aim was to get back to being the person he once was. Unfortunately I do not have a time machine so I was unable to help him with this request. This is what so many people want to achieve, they want to go back in time to when they were happy. So many of my friends reminisce and talk about the “good old days” back at uni or at school and when they had so much fun. I am having the best time of my life now, I believe it should always be that way.

The opposite to living in the past is to live in the future. People have massive delusions about what they are going to achieve, fueled by the self help industry. People often create fantasy worlds about the future as this makes their life bearable now. The sad reality is that this is highly unlikely to ever happen and their lives are going to get progressively worse.

Getting back to my client, he is extremely bitter and a lot of this is towards his bank. He blames his current state on his bank for cutting his credit limit and therefore imploding his business, which caused him to lose his house etc etc. I asked him “do you think your bank actually cares?” he said “they should”, I said “well, they don’t”. Being angry about someone or something is not going to ever help you. You are responsible for your own happiness and success. Yes life does throw a lot of crap at you, but it is how you deal with it that really matters.

As we talked I started to find out that is wasn’t completely the banks fault. It turns out that he relied far too much on the bank and credit lines which made his business highly venerable. If I was able to put him back the person he was before the credit crunch, then he is likely to make the same mistakes again. You can not change the past, but you can learn from it.

So what do I mean by this. Well there are two sides to everything, what you are doing and responsible for and what other people do and are responsible for. A large proportion of people who are a victim of a crime at the hands of another person, are much more likely to endure the issue again, when compared to people who have never been a victim in the first place. If you have been mugged, raped, assaulted or abused then you are more likely to go through it again if you do not learn from your past and change what you are doing. The majority of all crime is circumstantial, i.e. you happen to be in a certain place or situation.

Okay let’s look into this. A guy came to see me a few weeks ago how has been mugged 3 times in the last month. Unlucky? Yes, but his actions were also contributing to these events. Every time he had been mugged he has been out drinking and walking home alone. The way he walks is past several cash machines at about 3am and is in a bad part of London. Each time the muggers had got him before the cash machines and taken him to them and withdrawn his limit. He wanted me to help him restore his confidence. If I did this then he is highly likely to be mugged again. Look at his actions and behaviors, he is out by himself, intoxicated, at a time and an area where muggers operate. If he was not drunk and near these ATM machines, got a taxi or lived in a different part of London then he is not likely to be mugged. No amount of therapy is going to change the world or other people’s actions. Life isn’t fair. I was able to help him deal with the trauma of the incidents and I gave him a number of a local taxi firm. He has not been mugged since. The muggers will have mugged other people, as this is what muggers do. Instead of trying to change the behavior of others, focus on what you are doing.

Back to the first client. He wants his old life back but he did not want to learn from what had happened. He was fully ready to set the business up again and rely on credit lines, however this is practically impossible to do in the current climate. The fact is that if he sets his business up and heavily relies on uncertain external factors, then the same thing is likely to happen again. It is only when he accepts that what he does also contributes to both the successes and failures he encounters. Begrudgingly he started to understand and is currently in talks with investors as opposed to getting credit. This is a much more stable way of setting up the business.

A few people have emailed me recently complaining that my posts are not about Seduction. So for those of you out there I am going to take the points from above and put it into a way that you can incorporate into your game and success with girls.

I want you all to get the notion of circumstance and logistics. The guys who I know who have slept with the most chickws have all done it in the same way. By going to house-parties! At house-parties everyone is a good mood, you have shared rapport (you are all there for the same reason), it is easy to talk to people and there are bedrooms on site. A lot of the time these guys have had zero game, they just happen to be in the right place at the right time. This is exactly the reason why pickup artist Training has a residential flat in Leister Square, because it is so easy to bounce women there after a night out.

If your aim is to go out and get laid, then actually have a plan put in place. If you live an hour outside of London and with your parents, then it is going to be bloody difficult. Take a leaf out of Peter Stringfellow’s book, he lives above his own strip club! Does this man deserve to sleep with all the hot chicks he does based on his looks, personality or game etc. No of course not. But he does anyway because he has designed things that way.

My best advice to you is to think about what your actions are and the logistics of what you are trying to achieve. Don’t try and change other people or the world, instead work with it. If bad things keep happening to you, then is highly likely to be the result of the actions you are doing.

The more time you spend with people, the better socially you become. Spending your free time reading or watching videos about game without action will not help you. Spending time on MySpace is NOT being sociable. The more time you spend with people, especially women, the better your results will be. The guys who I know who have the best “game” have literally no idea what “game” is. Make a promise to yourself that for every hour of theory, do an hour of practice. Start to design your life and plan logistically how to get the results that you want, then do it. Yes it will hurt, it will also take time and effort. Welcome to the real world.

Learn from your past and plan for the future. Don’t rely on others for your successes in life, only yourself. The best things happen those who are in the right place at the right time, so make sure you are that person. Being at home alone whinging about how bad your life is, is not the best strategy.

Matt Kendall aka Hypno-matt

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