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Here’s a song titled ‘Cyder Attack‘ a cider rap if you will, combining two of my favourite things cider and rap!

This is actually a song I wrote a long time ago. It certainly isn’t new and is one of the first songs I ever wrote and recorded. I decided to post it here as it is one of the songs I get requested to play most when I’m performing live.

There might be some confusion as to what I mean by cider or ‘cyder‘ as I spell it. I’m sure the majority of people reading this in the UK know what I mean by cider but people in other parts of the world don’t necessarily know it as the messy alcoholic beverage that it is in my country. I’ve heard that cider in America is actually a non-alcoholic beverage and is more like apple juice which sounds ridiculous to me but here we are….

“Cyder is made from a single pressing of vintage fruit, rather like “extra virgin” olive oil.

Cider, the drink almost given to agricultural labourers well into living memory, was made from the cyder pulp being re-pressed at the rate of 10 gallons of water to 1 cwt of pulp. This “long drink” was conspicuously different, not only in its alcoholic value, but also its taste. This type of cider could never mature in cask or bottle and was meant for general consumption, at a time when water was not always safe to drink.

As with fine wines, Cyder does mature in cask and bottle, which the connoisseur can appreciate. “Industrial” cider and Perry can hardly be expected to be laid down to mature. Cyder is made with love and dedication, rather than resorting to the apothecaryst’s bag of tricks. However, cider enjoys a wide following in the UK and many cider, and indeed wine, imbibers have discovered the ‘Real Thing’.”

I got that cider description from this Minchew’s website and it’s probably the best description I’ve found. I first learnt about cyder when I took a trip to the west country over in Cornwall where I had the good fortune of going to Healey’s Cornish Cyder Farm. Trips to Cornwall have often resulted messy cyder attacks drinking the likes of Rattler Cyder.

This song was born out of a combination of the years I worked behind the bar of a local pub and my many excursions drinking cider which have lead to drunk induced injuries and tales of stupidity, hence the phrase ‘cyder attack‘. Some of these cyder attacks you’ll hear in the song!

In this song you’ll also notice I express my distaste for cider the likes of Magners. In truth you can do a lot worse in the world of cider than drink Magners. But my snobby distaste still stands. The reason for this is my time spent as a barmen in a local pub. Working in that particular establishment meant I was privy to tasting a lot of other brands that I thought were a lot nicer, but they didn’t have adverts telling you about them TV every 5 seconds. Things have changed now as the likes of Thatchers have caught up but that wasn’t the case back then.

It used to wind me up royally when people would come to the pub and ask for Magners cider. I’d tell them, “We don’t have Magners here, but if you like Magners you’ll love these ciders, they’re much nicer.” To which they’d screw their faces up and ask for a pint of Stella instead, HAHAHA!!! It used to annoy me because it demonstrated perfectly how brain dead a lot of people can be. It was like they can only like something once it’s been spoon fed to them on TV a hundred times.

Anyway, without further a due here is my song Cyder Attack, enjoy!!!

P.S for you cider geeks out there, it should be noted that a lot of the brands I mention in the song are not actual cyders, but are ciders. If you want to get proper cyder you’re best off venturing to the rural west country of the UK the likes of Devon, Cornwall and Sommerset (probably the mecca of cider). It should also be noted that if you’re in a city, Bristol is probably king of cider too! Ask for a rough cider and go for something that preferably can only be served as a half pint because they don’t know how strong it is, hahaha! BUT BEWARE, it will make you drunk from the legs up! I have scars on my face to prove it!

P.P.S I want to give a shout out to a very fine cider establishment that is actually local to me. Southsea’s very own The Florence Arms. One of the few pubs in the world that actually serve 50 different kinds of cider!! I’d have become a regular there, but if I was, I’d eventually be dead!

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