Mister Ball Peen Hammer Answers My Five Burning Questions and more

Ball Peen Hammerby Lauren Rowewas one of my favorite books this summer and definitely my favorite funny romance in a good while. If you love Rachel Van Dyken or Helena Hunting books this will float your boat!! Keane has a great voice and I fell in love with him in this book, so I thought I’d see how he’d answer my five burning questions. Check out his responses they are funny, sweet and only Keane.

Here’s the description for Ball Peen Hammer if you haven’t read it yet.
“Keane Morgan wouldn’t return any of my calls or texts, and I was pissed as hell about it. I didn’t want to drive from Seattle to L.A. with the guy any more than he wanted to drive with me, but I had no frickin’ choice in the matter–at least, not if I wanted to use his brother Dax’s coveted parking spot at UCLA.

Okay, so it turned out Keane was objectively gorgeous, and, fine, pretty funny, too. But did he have to be so damned in love with himself? I mean, jeez, the cocky way he flashed those dimples was just soorchestrated. And, honestly, what kind of guy uses the phrase “baby doll” with a straight face? Oh, that’s right: the kind of guy who’s a male stripper.

Yup, the cocky jerk turned out to be Seattle’s answer to Magic Mike, a stripper known as “Ball Peen Hammer”–which meant Keane Morgan was emphatically not the kind of guy I’d ever fall for.

Not. At. All. No freakin’ way. Well, until Keane convinced me to fall for him, that is. Which I did. Hard.”
NOTE:
Ball Peen Hammer is a full-length, standalone sexy romantic comedy about Keane Morgan (one of four Morgan brothers introduced in The Club Series) and Maddy Milliken (the little sister of Hannah Banana Montana Milliken).

1.Let’s start off with Kill, Marry or Screw?

Selecting a person to kill, even hypothetically, is really bad karma, baby doll. I certainly don’t want someone plotting to kill me, so I’d better pass on that. Marriage? Pass. I’m too young to be making lifelong promises to anyone about anything. I can barely keep a promise to call my momma tomorrow. Screw? The only person I have any desire to screw these days is the one and only Maddy Behind the Camera, Madelyn Elizabeth Milliken. Yee-boy! Sexy girl.

2.What would you do if could do anything in the world?

That’s easy. Pitch a no-hitter in the World Series.
3.What do you love most about your girl?

Man, my girl Maddy’s a smart-girl. A helluva lot smarter than me, that’s for sure. And she’s funny as hell, too. (True story: Maddy made me laugh yesterday, right as I was I taking a sip of orange juice and it totally shot outta my nose, brah. Hilare.) And she’s talented, too. And so fucking sweet, sugar won’t even melt in her mouth. Most of all, though, I think I love the way she makes me feel about myself. She makes me feel like I can do anything–like I’m some kind of superhero. She makes me want to deserve the way she looks at me.

4.What animal are you most afraid of?

Okay, bear with me here, brah. What’s that little animal that hides in bushes and then sneaks out and kills you? It’s a stealthy little fucker, but I can’t remember what it’s called. But, anyway, that’s the animal I’m most afraid of. Bee tee dubs, when I asked my best friend Zander what that animal is called, he was like, “A snake?” And I’m like, “No, dude. Not a snake. This stealthy fucker-thing is a mammal.” And Zander was like, “A stealthy mammal that hides in bushes and then sneaks out and kills you? You mean, a lion?” And I was like, “No, fuck! No, not a lion. It’s small.” And Zander replied, “And it sneaks out of bushes and kills you? There’s no such animal, Peenie Weenie. You’re high.” Well, fuck that! I’m positive that deadly little mammal exists, I just can’t remember what it’s called. So, yeah, whatever that thing is, my answer to your question is that. (And to answer the question that’s surely rolling around in your head right now: No, Zander and I were not drunk or stoned or otherwise chemically impaired during the conversation detailed above.)

5.Finally who is really your mom’s favorite?

There is no “really” needed in this wording of this question, son. If any of my three brothers or sister think it’s one of them, then I’d posit the following query: “Who gets extras every time Mom makes lasagna? And who makes Momatron laugh ‘til she literally pees? And who used to write Motherboard little poems when he was a little dude? That’s right, son, the one and only Keane Elijah Morgan. There’s no doubt Momma Lou loves me the most of all her five kids, and if my siblings disagree they can SUCK IT! *drops the mic* (Ain’t no shame in my game. I’m a momma’s boy through and through.)

6.For bonus points, what’s your favorite swear word?

Oh, man, that’s like asking me to pick a favorite child. I love all my children equally. But, okay, if pressed, then I’d say I’m an ardent fan of the word “fucker.”