February 28, 2014

As of today, I have completed a full two months of taking really great care of myself.

I suppose I should add, "…and I've NEVER felt better!"

I feel good. Don't get me wrong. But I'm actually the type of person who feels good whether I'm eating well and exercising all the time or if I'm eating Oreos and snagging copious amounts of couch time.

I know. It's not supposed to work that way. I'm suppose to have crazy amounts of energy and clearer skin and a smaller muffin top from all this self care.

I guess you could say I'm lucky that eating like shit doesn't necessarily equate feeling as such.

The key difference, however, is in the level of chub that sets up on this 47-year-old body.

The biggest change is on the scale. 14 pounds since January 1. And that doesn't suck.

In fact, it's a bit faster than I'd like, if I'm being honest. My goal for 2014? Slow and steady.

I want to lose a little extra chub slowly and keep it off.

So what am I doing exactly?

I eat as many whole foods (read: no processed food of any kind, save for the occasional baguette or tortilla) as I can every day. Real food. Real fat. Real protein. Real carbohydrates.

And I'm avoiding as much sugar as humanly possible.

Yes, I'm keeping a tally.

I shoot for about 1,650 calories a day. I use the awesome Lose It app. It's a quantity issue for me. Last year, I was eating too much food, not to mention too much processed food. This year I'm fixing that and keeping track.

For example, a bowl of fresh fruit is a great treat. Three of them in a row, not so much. (That's too much natural sugar in one shot.) Part of my problem is taking a good thing a little too far. I'm working to give my body what it needs.

Harder than it sounds, believe me.

And I am moving more. Right now, I'm a walker. (Not like the kind from The Walking Dead, mind you.) I'm a treadmill walker. Until the mercury gets consistently above 40, I shall remain that way. I've been lacing up every day, loosening up that toe of mine and getting my heart rate up.

I know that I should lift weights or add this, or add that, but this is what I'm doing right now and it feels right for me.

It feels do-able.

Everything is about sustainability for me. I know how to be really black and white and hard core. I know how to burn out really well. Right now, I'm shooting for a sensible approach. Not for dramatic before and after photos.

And lo, I'm a little less puffy.

I'll take it.

How's your year going as far as your health and fitness? What is working? What's not working?

By all means, do tell.

The Move More, Eat Well Jumpstart is a 31-day workshop designed to help you get back on track (or get on track) with taking better care of you. Learn more by clicking here.

January 31, 2014

I did it. I completed 31 days of healthy living. (Okay, today is Day 31, so there's still a chance I won't make it, but stay with me here.)

I didn't freak out. I didn't have a breakdown. I didn't make excuses. I didn't starve. And most importantly, I didn't suffer, save for the sugar withdrawal headache on January 2.

I did what was needed.

Not only that, I did was was needed every single day. Some days, that meant taking it easy because I got hit with a cold. Some days, it meant hitting the treadmill and the pool. Some days, it meant taking an hour and planning meals for the whole week. Some days, it meant passing on that glass of wine and not going out for burgers and fries with Dan and the kids. Some days, it meant sitting with whatever was making me sad and letting it wash over me instead of deflecting it with junk food.

I did what was needed on every given day.

Now that's a real change of pace for me.

You should know that in 2013, where my health and fitness was concerned, I mostly freaked out, broke down, made excuses and did the exact opposite of what was needed.

But it was my choice. That is all. There's no judgment on it. It's just a chunk of time I that I could have used to do a lot more for my health and fitness.

Of course, there are always going to be consequences to our choices. Some are positive. Some, not so positive.

One of the consequences of my choices last year? Weight gain and a spike in cholesterol numbers. Those generally don't fall into the positive column.

So I took January as the opporunity to jumpstart the process again, and I'm really glad I did.

I guess I'm thinking, "Why not?" What is the true loss in trying? Of continuing to try?

If I'm lucky, my life is half over. That's if I get to live to be old, people. If anything, now is the time to keep trying. To keep being conscious of my health.

So what if I make mistakes. So what if I don't have the clear cut path to optimum health. So what if it's hard.

I'm showing up and I'm trying. A little here, a lot there.

That's what January has been all about for me.

Reconnecting to the truths about why I choose to stop caring about my health for these stretches of time. Understanding my true strengths and my weaknesses. Focusing on what's really going on and what can be done about it in a realistic and truthful way.

It's been a much needed, well, jumpstart.

And okay, I lost 7 pounds this month, but I gained some real perspective on how I would like to live my life.

I think that's more important than any number.

For sure.

The Move More, Eat Well Jumpstart is now available as a self-paced class. You have access to all the content started from the January class and you can start any time you like. You'll still get the same 31 emails from me. The same questions, prompts and handouts with the hope that when you want to, you too can jumpstart your healthier living.

My goal for 2014 is to live healthier and make better choices. Yes, I hope to drop a little chub around the middle. That would be a nice side effect.

I hope to get back into running. And swimming. And just embracing moving more as a fact of life, not as a burden or a curiosity.

Because when I was doing it with regularity everything seemed to work better. Better sleep. Less weird aches and pains. Clearer thought processes. More confidence.

Turns out they ain't lying: being active actually makes you feel better on multiple levels.

I'm up to 10 minutes of running right now. My foot is feeling better all the time. My physical therapist, Joe, tells me to add 5% a week, and I'm listening to him. Rather than go all gung-ho, I'm working to be a smarter athlete this time around. He's even going to film me on the treadmill later this month to tell me everything I'm doing wrong from a mechanical and efficiency standpoint.

I have no illusions that this will be easy.

I know there are people out there for whom good, clean living might just be automatic and easy. Granted, I don't actually know any of those people, but if they're out there, good for them.

This is my life and my body and my unique experience.

And on Day 6, my attitude is positive and as I sometimes like to say when things are going relatively well, "Tits up!"

Registration is still open for the live version of the Move More, Eat Well Jumpstart. If January's just not your time, this class will become a self-paced workshop beginning in February. Registration closes on January 8. You can still join today and treat it as Day 1 of the 31 days.

January 02, 2014

Okay, I only have one day of Moving More and Eating Well under my belt. But I'm going to say it: I feel good.

Well, maybe good isn't really completely accurate. The headache I nursed yesterday was flippin' nasty. So in that regard by about 4 p.m. yesterday I felt like a pile of steaming, sugar-craving poop.

But the more actualized me—the higher functioning part of my lizard brain—felt good.

Why? Because I'm doing what is needed.

In 2013, I did a lot of things but doing what was needed wasn't always at the top of the list.

My main focus on doing what was needed centered around my personal life. I applied it to my marriage (hard, not automatic, worth it), and I applied it to my parenting (somewhat easier, not automatic, worth it).

The area to which I applied this approach the least? My health and fitness.

I like to take advantage of firsts. January 1st. February 1st. Monday mornings. Any time that can serve as a new beginning, I'm all in. That said, I believe momentum has to be cultivated with a little spit and elbow grease. It doesn't just happen magically. What do they say, an object not in motion tends to stay not in motion? On the couch? With a remote control? And chips?

But I have one day. And with a little focus and effort, I hope to have two. And three. And so on.

The thing is, to take care of myself and do what is needed doesn't involve fad diets and deprivation. It just means eating real food and lacing up my shoes for a walk. I know. How awful!

Well of course it's not awful. It's just doing what's needed.

For right now, I need to put a few rules into place, however. The rules look like this:

1. Don't eat shit. (Shit defined as: foods with sugar in the top five ingredients. This also includes foods that break down into sugar in the bloodstream, i.e. potato chips and… see No. 2.)

2. Don't drink wine (see also Shit and know when you are buzzed you make poor choices.)

3. Refer to No. 1 and No. 2 often.

4. Don't feel sorry for yourself because really? YOU ARE ALIVE! That alone is your treat, every single day! This fact is better than any Oreo on the planet.

I am not shooting to post dramatic weight loss photos here. In fact, I may not look much different in the next six months. Or, I might.

But I sure as hell am going to be healthier and my attitude will be where it needs to be.

Can I promise you that? Well, no. But if I do what is needed, there's a very good chance it just might work out.

Registration is still open for the live version of the Move More, Eat Well Jumpstart. You can save $5 off the registration with the code CZMMEW. If January's just not your time, this class will become a self-paced workshop beginning in January. I will be hosting 4 video chats during the live class (one for every Saturday in January), and then quarterly check in chats for all students, regardles of when they sign up.

December 27, 2013

It's a deeply moving and tender story about the health and fitness quest of one 47-year-old, peri-menopausal, well-intentioned, quasi-professional—okay, professional—scrapbooker and rabid fan of assorted cheeses.

I know what you're thinking: New York Times Best Seller List all the way.

While the story would fit nicely into the novella millieu, I'm going to give you the Cliff Note's version in the interest of time:

In 2013 I ate a bunch of shit that was bad for me and I stopped exercising consistently. The End.

Thank you.

I've written frequently over the past few years about weight, fitness, food and my struggle to find balance, health and happiness in the process.

Something I've done quite well in this space is whine and feel sorry for myself.

In the past, it's felt really good to just let it out. Woe is me. I can't figure this out. I try so hard. Poor, poor me.

[insert dramatic sigh here]

But thanks to my therapist, I have realized something in the past several months: that whole woe is me mentality? It just doesn't give me the same thrill that it use to. And what exactly was that thrill?

To feel like a victim of my choices instead of the person who was actually making them and being responsible for them.

One of the best things that's happened in 2013 is connecting to this idea: judgment (woe is me) has no place in making real changes.

Instead, removing judgments and looking at the facts have helped me to see pretty clearly what is needed for this process.

There's no big secret. It's simple: do what is needed.

For me, it's a few things:

1. Eat better

2. Move more

3. Wake up each day and keep working on implementing numbers 1 and 2.

Nowhere in this short list is perfection required. But part of what will continue to help me is trying to see, every day, what is needed.

The Move More, Eat Well Jumpstart, more than anything, is designed to help you connect to what is needed for you and your life. Every day I'm going to ask you the very same questions I've been asking myself through the past 12 months, as I start to connect the dots to better health and fitness.

And every day I'm going to work through the process myself as I get back on track to making better choices for me and my body.

Back in 2010, I dropped 40 pounds in 9 months. All I saw was a scale. All I cared about were dramatic numbers that I could post every month on my blog. I mean, hell! If this couch potato could do it, so could you! Right?

But restricting calories and running 20 miles week turned out to not be as sustainable as I thought. Imagine that!

But I still believe that I can be healthier. Stronger. Swifter. More energized.

I've seen how being more physically active spilled over into every area of my life: work, personal, spiritual.

I really liked what I saw and want some of that back.

I invite you to join me for the Move More, Eat Well Jumpstart. This class will be a live 31-day workshop in January. During the month, I'm going to email you every day with assorted questions, prompts and challenges. I'll also be hosting four Saturday video chats where we can get together, touch base and create a lively discussion. And yes, you can whine if you like. You'll also become part of the MMEW Community, tapping into a set of resources via our message boards that we've built up over the past few years.

Not everyone is ready for this kind of thing on New Year's Day. If that's you, just know this class will be available as a self paced workshop beginning in February. It's here all year when you feel a jumpstart is needed.

I plan to write more this year about this process. And I can't guarantee you that a little whine won't work itself in here and there.

But I can tell you that I'll share my honest stories here as I continue to work towards doing what is needed.

November 11, 2013

Save for a few posts recently about my foot surgery, I haven't really been talking about my health and fitness and chub-related things.

Maybe you didn't notice?

I was hoping you didn't notice.

Now before you look at the title of this post and think it is in any way related to fat-shaming myself with the mention of the word 'elephant,' let me assure you, that ain't where this is headed.

Here's a very short story:

In 2010 I decided to get in shape. I worked out 6 to 7 days a week, followed Weight Watchers to the point and droppd 40 pounds in 10 months. Then I spent the next few years figuring out how to eat real food and how to move my body with regularity.

Along the way I learned about nutrition, worked on becoming a runner and swimmer, and—more importantly—worked on my insides as well.

Then I gained every single pound back plus one.

And I am still an awesome person.

And I am still a work in progress.

Sure, there were some mitigating factors, but the reality is this: I haven't been doing what is needed to be strong and fit as I can personally be.

It's not about blame. It's about facts.

One thing I've learned throughout the past few years of teaching my Move More, Eat Well class at Big Picture Classes is that getting down on yourself and lamenting your situation isn't very productive. Sure, whining has its place but then it's time for it to move on down the road so you can focus on what is true and what is needed.

Right now, I am in the middle of a reboot; a reconnection to making better choices and moving my body with the ultimate goal of shedding a few libbies and feeling fewer aches and pains.

I know that posting every month about dropping yet another 10 pounds might look inspiring on the surface, and I suppose back when I was doing that, I felt a real sense of pride and control over my situation. But if a way of living isn't sustainable, it's back to the drawing board.

I really did get tired of eating 22 points a day. That is a fact.

But here's the deal: I just want to be stronger and healthier and heck, maybe even live a bit longer because of the choices I make. I don't want to forsake a glass of wine with dinner. I don't want to never eat the amazing pies my daughter bakes. I don't want to make my issues with chub affect the people around me.

This is my deal and I just want to take the best care of me that I can. Period.

Part of this process will always be about attitude. The other part is all about information. What do you know about how you tick? What is it that motivates you to take better care of yourself? What is it that sends you back to the drawing board? And, what can you do about it?

I decided to focus on these very aspects to create a new 31-day workshop called the Move More, Eat Well Jumpstart. You guys know I'm not a personal trainer or a licensed nutritionist. I'm just a woman, wife and mom who is looking for balance and better health.

And I like to scrapbook about it as I go.

Here's a little promo video about the new class, which kicks off as a live workshop on January 1. After January, it will become a self-paced class that you can take for any 31-day chunk you like. Whenever you feel it's time to kickstart your health and fitness process, the class will be ready and waiting.

October 16, 2013

I showed up last week for my first appointment with Joe, who looked me straight in the eye and said, "Every minute we spend together is going to put you in pain."

I said, "OH, sort of like marriage counseling?"

He smiled.

I told him I will do everything he tells me to do. He told me I may never regain full range of motion, it may swollen for months, if not forever, and that I may have permanent pain.

Well then. He's a bit more direct than my doctor who simply said, "You won't drive for three weeks."

I mean, it didn't hurt this bad before the surgery. In fact, not even remotely so.

In any case, I decided it was time to lace up and get moving again, pain or no pain. So I picked up a new fitness gadet in the form of a Fitbit Flex. I'm a huge fan of Fitbit. My only problem is that I was tending to accidentally wash them. They only like to be washed once, apparently. This new wrist style FitBit might be the perfect fit, no pun intended. It'll be hard to throw that down the laundry chute. (The clip-on models were always on my bra, ergo, accidental washings galore.)

I set a modest step goal of 5,000 to start. It's crazy how little I was moving and yet how easy it was to hit that mark in one day of simply trying.

My present goal is back to 10,000. I have a number to aim for and every step is good for my rehab efforts.

I realized how gadget-oriented I am. I love the idea of tracking steps. Every little bit adds up, especially when you've been in any sort of forced inactivity.

I know we are heading straight for holiday season central—Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas—but right now, I'm just feeling really grateful for the opportunity to get this middle-aged bod moving again.

April 08, 2013

I was in the kitchen the other day making dinner and I realized—which happens to me every time I wear my black yoga pants and this particularly puffy oversized shirt from Old Navy—that I looked like a swashbuckling pirate.

Dan was sitting at the kitchen table and I brandished a shish-kebab skewer and did my best Mandy Patinkin. (I know, I know—Wesley was the dread pirate Roberts, but stay with me here.) He snapped photos accordingly, at my request.

Then I saw the pics on my phone and it hit me: my body has really changed.

And not exactly in the way I've been shooting for.

I do not a-think you look like you think you look.

Now if you aren't a fan of laments, stop reading now. Not that I am planning this to be one big whine fest, but who can say where it will go once I get warmed up.

I realized the other day that I have been struggling with my weight since I was 30. Math genius that I am, this comes to 17 years of up, down, thin, plump—you know the drill.

It has been an issue for a good chunk of my time here on ol' big blue.

As I have written here before, my "therapist" (she says what we do really isn't therapy) has told me I simply keep this a problem in my life because it allows me to act like a child and indulge every whim rather than do what is needed, which is to feed my body healthy, nutrient dense food in appropriate amounts and to exercise.

As shocking as it is that I, in fact, pay her to tell me these things, the truth of the matter is, I believe her.

Here's the deal: I don't have the be skinny anymore. I tell myself this all the time and it's very comforting. It's very "I'm okay, you're okay." It's very touchy-feely. It's very "I am enough as I am."

But there is a part of me that knows deep down I use it as an excuse to continue keeping this a problem. To continue saying, "Oh hell! Life is short. Let's make cookies!"

But I never just make cookies.

I make batches of them and wash it all down with delicious, sugar-filled sodas. And potato chips. And copious amounts of Reese's Peanut Butter minis.

That's the child in me. That's the addict in me. And that's not okay. It's not enough.

Not only that, the future health consequences could be deadly. That is a fact.

Here's another fact: I can do better. Not super-model thin better. Just a healthier better.

I know this experientially from the work I've done with my "therapist" since 2010. I've been making changes in so many areas of my life. It has been a laborious, painstaking process on so many levels. It has required me to look at my inadequacies, something that isn't fun and doesn't make me feel good.

I've spent a lifetime of trying to find ways to feel good. Eating crap is just one in a long list of things I've tried.

We make changes by facing facts and doing what is needed. That's where my head is at today, on this random day in April 2013. I'm shooting for competence. And adulthood.

Not feeling sorry for myself. Not putting judgments on anything.

Honestly, there's no other place I'd rather be that here, stumbling through and figuring it out as I go.

How's that for a Tale from the Scale?

This pirate-laden post has been brought to you by:

Move More, Eat Well isn't just about tough love. It's about connecting with what you need and doing the best you can to achieve your goals. It's a process that is neither easy nor automatic. Each month, I share more of this journey and scrapbook the story as I go. I've got a group of like minded women who are doing the same. You can join us any time during 2013. You never know what will inspire you to do what is neeed. For more information, click here.

March 14, 2013

I think my birthday had something to do with it. You know how much I adore my birthday, right? But it also reminds me that I'm here and that I need a solid plan to make sure I stay as long as possible.

As of today, I've already logged 23 miles running and yesterday, I hit the pool for some lap swimming for the first time since January. January!

And while it would have been helpful to remember to shave my legs, the workout went fairly well.

I took a photo of myself before heading off to the gym yesterday morning, posted it to Facebook and got a bunch of nice compliments on how fit and trim I looked.

Sure, I felt all warm and fuzzy after reading the words of friends, but I'm going to tell you this, and it has absolutely zero to do with any body dismorphic issues: I don't look like this in reality.

You know how you can put one leg forward, angle the camera just so, and then drape your bag so it hits right in front of your hip, effectively reducing your size visually? Yeah, me too.

All I could think to myself was, "It's all smoke and mirrors, people."

And I don't say that to demean my efforts or myself. It just is a fact.

Maybe it's because earlier in the day I had read an article about a photographer in Minneapolis who is responsible for The Nu Project(Note: there is full nudity on this site so if you're offended by that sort of thing, it's not for you).

The Nu Project is all about photographing women in their homes and other environments and yes, it's all done without clothes.

As I clicked through the images yesterday, I couldn't help but feel empowered as I saw womens' bodies that reminded me of my own body. The stretch marks, the imperfections, the extra chub, the breasts that look nothing like ones you see in the movies, and so on.

It simply celebrates the truth of female bodies, and I found that incredibly inspiring.

There are no smoke and mirrors used in the photos you'll see there.

I shared this site with my daughter and we had a conversation about body image and nudity and she told me, "I actually feel my best without clothes on."

Imagine that.

This post isn't to say I'm going to track down this local photographer and get naked anytime soon, but it definitely made me want to embrace what is real and true.

And to start moving away from the smoke and mirrors.

Thanks to Nisa for posting about The Nu Project on Facebook the other day.

February 27, 2013

One day, you're hovering around a weight that makes you feel confident, strong and successful, and a year-and-a-half later, you're not.

Today's post was not planned to be a lament. In fact, sometimes I hesitate posting laments because there will always be someone who calls me out for being a baby, and then I feel even worse about myself, and then I usually buck up and get down to the business of doing what is needed.

Maybe it should be a lament.

Long story short: remember that weight I lost working my little tushka off? It's almost all back. Almost. Not quite. Just about. Five more pounds and yes, ladies and gentlemen, we'll have a bingo!

If you've never had any issues with food or body image or weight, this concept might seem completely foreign and ridiculous to you. Up and down. Back and forth. Gains, losses and gains.

I was thinking about it the other day and realized: I'm 46 years old and this has been an issue for much of my adult life.

Of course, I didn't really experience it so much in my 20s because I smoked myself silly. (As if that wasn't an issue in and of itself, right?)

But since I have attempted to live a life free of nicotine (beginning at age 30, and off and on until I quit for good at 40), weight and food and body image have been an issue.

The whole body image issue, well, that's layered deeply in the minutiae of my personal development and goes a bit beyond what I'm addressing today. But the weight and food thing? Let's just say I'm getting tired of the ebb and flow for which I am fully responsible for inviting to the party.

In my Move More, Eat Well class, there is a lot of room for brutal truth. Looking at your choices. Spending time thinking about why you are making those choices and so on.

There is also room for support and comfort. I've been offering a lot more of the latter to myself during the past year. And while that approach makes me feel better, my yoga pants are feeling more and more like my wardrobe's Last Great Stretchy Hope.

Do you ever find yourself looking at people for whom weight and food do not seem to be a problem? (Of course, judging a person by how they look, well… that's a little silly and presumptuous, but bear with me for a second.)

I do this and I wonder a) what that would be like, to just stay the same size, enjoy a treat every now and then and not always seem to be on the verge of having to buy bigger clothes? and b) do they have just as many issues surrounding food and weight as I do?

I suppose that's going to have to be a rhetorical question for now.

I'm okay with not having the answers to all of this. Most of the time. There are still many positives in this process, the main one being I'm stronger and healthier than I used to be as a skinny, smelly smoker.

I still run three miles a pop. I walk just about every single day. I wear my FitBit and always shoot to log as many steps as I can.

Most importantly, I'm trying to work on the inside stuff, which I do believe is a lot more important than the shell in which it all resides.

Lastly, I try to stay connected to what is real and what is needed. And I can guarantee you my therapist will tell me that is that very last thing I'm doing on this particular subject.

Just talking out loud today. I've been feeling a bit heavy in more ways than one, and sometimes it helps me to write it all out.

Know what I'm saying?

To learn more about Move More, Eat Well 2.0, click on the image below. You can join at any time in 2013. A new classroom will go up on March 1.We'd love to have you join our community of people who are working to Move More and Eat Well in 2013.