Where am I?

It seems an eternity has passed me by since my last post. This weekend I finally got some time off for myself and so my body decided it would be a most opportune time to get sick. I came home from work and crashed fully clothed on my bed at 6pm. I didn't regain consciousness until Saturday at 12 noon. At least I got a lot done in my dream world. It took me at least 3 hours to snap out of my post-slumber zombie state.

As sick as I was I still wanted to hang out with the girlfriend. She came over that afternoon and we spend the rest of the night listening to music over some conversation. The comedy life doesn't allow much time for relationships, even so I think it is of up most importance to try to maintain a fully balanced life, no matter how unstable it may become. I mean if you don't at least try to have a life outside of comedy then how can a comic share any other experiences beside hanging out at comedy clubs. Anyway, she bought me a new chair, a director's chair with my nickname on the back. It's very nice, now if I can only score a gig as a director. I also feel a little guilty about taking gifts out of gift season. Is she trying to buy some snuggle time? hmmm.

Relationships in general are hard enough. I seem incapable of truly loving someone. I guess their are still a lot of internal issues I need to work on before I can fully trust someone else. Perhaps that is why I seek out attention. My entire life has been a game of adaptation beginning with being a total outcast and getting rughed up over it. To avoid being the center of a gang's attention, I join them instead. If ya can't beat them, observe, adapt, and take the whole thing over I always say. I constantly floated from one group to the next, hoping to fit in and making it such a personal mission that I forgot who I was. Ever feel alone surrounded by people?

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

After spending so much time in bed I was kinda, and I stress KINDA, happy to go to the writers meeting. I put my foot down and announced that since I was in poor health I would take my leave at the end of our meeting and not perform in the night's show.

8pm rolls around and I'm standing outside sniffling while I waited for the show to start. I was to go up 2nd. The audience was small, didn't bother me. The first row was full, of a group of tourists from East Asia who spoke little to no English. All together in one group of friends. They were the most reserved, timid, non emotional audience members. Comic after comic went up to silence. A few giggles here and their but silence for the most part. I'm pretty sure they didn't understood English by the lack of reaction. I seem to have a love-hate relationship with audiences. Either they love me or I hate them. Problem is when I get pissed off at the audience, I tend to.. umm....how can I put this gently....I tend to berate, bash, and generally insult them. A slight kink I must fix. I remember the last time I got heckled by a drunk girl in which my response was, "What's wrong with you, your pretty, I'd fuck you".

Well by the middle of the set some of my comic buddies where laughing at the sight of me desperately searching for the red light to come on. I compared making love to preparing pork fried rice and attempted Chinese sign language. Not a very smart route to go on my part. Honestly though, I don't see race, I just see whats funny. I'm totally oblivious to the fact that anyone is black or white, in fact I'm color blind. I was just looking, reaching for some common denominator that could bring us together to laugh, but they held strong and nothing! I had a theory that they may have gotten together before the show and all agreed that it would be funny to go to a comedy club and not laugh.

Now as coughed out a lung I had to stay for the 2nd show to redeem myself. It was nearly a sold out house. Literally the scene changed from ying to yang. In my experience the bigger the crowd the easier the laughs after all laughter is contagious as so was I. Cough. I was slated for the 2nd spot then 3rd now I was pushed back to 5th. That's ok, the crowd will be that much more intoxicated. My boss walked in and decided he would take a turn at the mic. He is great but also very very insane in the head. He made them laugh and cringe with his brutal unadulterated vulgarity. He spoke of eating pussy, blowjobs, and salad tossings. How in God's name am I going to follow that act I thought. That's like trying to watch Sesame Street after Debbie Does Dallas. My good friend and mentor saw that I was visibly nervous and gave me a little pep talk. I went up their and as he said, "Ride the wave", I caught a good wave to start and it pretty much carried me all the way to shore, almost. I should have ended with my testicle joke, instead I ended on a weaker joke. No matter it was a solid set and I felt good about it. Now I know for the next time, when it doubt, end with a ball joke.

I didn't get home until 1:21am last night, another crazy adventure in the city ended and I was off to meet Mr. Sandman.