You
laughed at me through Times of India’s columns and I bore it with grace. You
made fun of me at Stand Up comedies and I did not utter a thing. But today,
when you try to mock me through a blogging contest, it is time to show you the
truth. Let me state it loud and clear and let it be known once and for all, I
am better than all of you.

If
Charles Darwin was alive today, he would label me a perfect example of
adaptability. I can align myself with my master at ease. I can love Proust or
Chetan Bhagat, Ghalib or Yo Yo Honey Singh and Game of Thrones or Saas Bahu
tele-soaps in the same breath. I can tear them into pieces too. Do you know I even
have an extra organ? Yes, Mother Nature favored me and gave a hidden tail. I
wag it whenever my master wishes and my adulation are perfectly communicated. I
have special spine too; it does not have any bone. I can bend backwards and
crawl at master’s will.

When
I was small, my teacher decided to explain investments. She preached investing
on education & skill and blabbered about honor, virtue. I told her how good
she was and became her pet from that day; no one ever managed better marks than
me. Nothing was more remunerative than investing on powerful people. They told
a man was known by his company and I was never seen with failed people. I
followed successful men and moved on when there was a better alternative.

One
day I woke up early, brushed my teeth and kept my self-respect in a ceramic
bowl. I crushed it into tiny pieces, garnished with my pride and swallowed it
deep. It has disappeared ever since and I never suffer pangs of self-esteem
like you all do.

My
dedication cannot be compared. I know the taste of master’s toothpick, I love aroma
of his spittoon and can tell you the number of his shoes. They say there is a
woman behind every successful man but I am the real reason for master’s success.
Master was doing reasonably well but he was labelled as successful only when I
swarmed around him. Once when my master was low, I took out my pump and
inflated his ego. I pumped it hard and long and today it puts even a leviathan
to shame. Master used to have doubts but I knew fault lied with the mirror master
possessed. Now, master sees himself only through me and he has never been so
cocksure.

And
did you dare think I have an easy job at hand? The number of aspiring Chamchas increases daily like the
‘likes’ on a beautiful girl’s Facebook pic. There is intense competition and
one has to be the best in business.

You
still doubt I am not superior to you? Let us come to an agreement in that case,
I am present in all of you.

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About Me

On a cold winter morning, foggy and dense, when I was small and the dreams were big, I heard whistle of a train. I wanted to watch the passing train but it was difficult to leave the warmth of old, rugged blanket and comforting embrace of my grandmom. Today I want to live it again. I try to tell it but it is difficult to say.
My blog is an alibi to discuss such things. I want to talk about simple pleasures, simple men and simple dreams. It is Just Simple!

Disclaimer

Please Note: All views expressed in this blog are personal and do not represent any organization whatsoever. The contents of the blog may or may not be true. I take care not to infringe copyrights but in case of any violation, kindly let me know. Read more here