16 comments:

Love this. Thanks for sharing. I think classy is also fading away. I work in a school that has a high school and I always feel a sense of pride when I see some of our older girls embracing a classy look rather than a "hot" look. It has to start with parents though. Too many parents are pushing their little girls to grow up way too fast. In my opinion!

Interesting read. My thoughts are based upon how I raised my daughter. I taught her that confidence, self assurance, education, ethics and goals were the most important things to consider. Thankfully she took my advice and is now a beautiful 28 yr old soon to be mom of a daughter. I hope my granddaughter will consider the same values as she is growing. With all this being said, I find the writer's statements to be somewhat sexist, meaning sometimes a confident self assured woman can be mistaken for looking "hot" if she is pretty. Do we still need to rely on men to judge us on our looks or should we be judged on our actions. An avid reader of your blog.

This is so very true!! As a woman, i have definitely been guilty of this in the past, as the mother of a son i can only hope he will make the right choice when the time comes and as the (hopefully!) future mother of a daughter, i just hope she will hold herself in higher esteem than i probably did in years gone by!

It's true. A great book to read about raising and keeping our girls innocent is Keeping the Little in your Girl by Dannah Gresh. Loved that read! Love all her books really. God has placed us here with our girls and given us the challenge of raising them to be His. A daunting task to say the least. Praying for your journey.

Kate, I, too, am the mother of two young girls. I found this article to be interesting as well. While I agree with everything the author said, I think he/she left a huge gaping hole in the article. It didn't make a case for beauty. The author wrote of pretty as a combination of attractive appearance coupled with innocence & the value of virtue, which I'm all for. However, even little girls know life & people are more complex than that. Strength is beautiful. Kindness is beautiful. Intelligence is beautiful. Generosity, wisdom, humility, forgiveness, tenderness, industry, compassion, depth, character, faith- these are all beautiful too. As women we must be all these things to be good daughters, sisters, friends, wives, mothers, caretakers; in short, everything we ourselves to be. These things make us special & truly beautiful. With that kind of beauty "pretty" is just a nice bonus & "hotness" doesn't even need to enter the picture. I think my mother is the most beautiful person in the world. She embodies all these things & more. I think Lucy & you & your family's story are all stunningly beautiful. The beauty of all that you portray often moves me to tears. That kind of beauty shines a light so brightly into the world that its value could never compare to any trendy label. As I raise my daughters I pray I can be used to bring out in them all the traits that will make them beautiful. If pretty happens, too, I will be pleased as well. I can tell you your girls and you are already both. I've been following for some time now, and this is only my second comment. I pray for you all constantly. Your blog has changed the way I appreciate my family challenged me to examine my own faith. I am eternally grateful. I'm married to a celiac, and I would love to bring you a GF dinner one night when it's convenient for you! Blessings to your whole BEAUTIFUL family!

I take exception though to the comment, 'Nobody wants to be thought of as innocent, the good girl. They want to be hot, not pretty.'

I believe there are still girls and women (older and younger) who strive to be 'pretty' but in the grand scheme of things are overlooked as so many choosing to be 'hot.'

Why is it that by the time a little girl turns about 3 there are very few 'pretty' clothes out there to choose from and so many 'hot' clothes? It's already becoming difficult for me to find many 'cute' clothes for my 2yo wearing a size 3X. So sad!

I agree with a previous commentor. I agree with what the author was trying to say but he seemed to imply that women are only out to impress men. I may not agree with every women's lib result but the fact that I no longer NEED a man (to be able to purchase/own land, vote, etc.) is a very beautiful thing. Sure, I want to be pretty. Since I'm married there are surely times I want to be hot ;). Teaching our children self-respect (which, by definition, they actually have to learn for themselves) is of utmost importance.

I asked my girls, ages 13, 14, and 16, what they thought of the difference between 'pretty' and 'hot'. They all agree that being hot means shallow, fake and, to be very blunt, "easy". To be 'pretty' is to focus on the inside, not necesarily the outside looks, but more on the integrity, morals, and innocence of the girl. They all said they do not want to be considered 'hot", they want others, especially the guys, to look at them and call them pretty. :) thanks for the article!!

I think I like what the author is trying to say regarding women placing value on themselves as something more than a commodity. I do think he's quite patronizing, though (thanks, but I don't need the men to see me as pretty and bring out their chivalrous instincts.). I'm not so surprised to see this in a Southern paper.

I have a pretty girl. She went away to college this fall and had proven herself to be a pretty girl. It is nice to know that after all my talking and asking she listened. You are never to sure how they will turn out, but I did alot of praying and I guess it paid off. I pray for your family and Lucy dailey. Thanks for all your thoughts in this blog. I have a 17 year old son with Cystic Fibrosis, and I am not sure I can be as strong as you are but you sure have taught me alot through your journey. I hope Lucy is feeling better soon and this feeding tube helps. I keep praying for a miracle, I know God is listening. Please keep the faith.

I agree with some of the comments on your blog. I get what this guy is trying to say, unfortunately, he's coming off like a lot of men I've known in Church. The article reminds me of the movie "Little Women". Jo is in the Parlor at the boarding house where she resides, and is totally surrounded by college age men. They go back and forth on a woman's right to vote. (Some say we're evil, some say we're angelic) Jo basically tells them that women should vote, regardless if men think we are bad or good, but because we're human. As the oldest of seven daughters who has worked at a Christian pregnancy center and married in my thirties....I have learned that the reason why girls rebel in trying to be "hot" is because purity is sometimes overemphasized in Western Christianity. Don't get me wrong, that's noble, however, a woman is more than her body, she is also her heart, mind, soul, and spirit. Allowing her to be open, and honest in these other areas helps her to obtain good character. As David wrote in Psalms "Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." So often I have talked with young women who thought that they had nothing to offer because they didn't wait until marriage. Some of them had no choice in the matter. I would try my best to bring out their heart and ambitions in life. As a woman I desire for all women, all people, to see the call of God demonstrated in their lives, and to know His heart. I believe that this begins with children for children are not our future, they're our present. If they don't matter today, they won't matter tomorrow.

You and every child that you have listed on your blog recently are in my family's prayers everyday. I hope you don't mind, months ago I copied and pasted a picture of Lucy from your blog as my laptop background. Every day, I open my computer and pray for Lucy. My little boy, around Lucy's age, just started a prayer journal. He wrote down Lucy, and Justin's names, and when it's time to pray he pulls out his list to pray for everyone on it. After all, you have blessed me in your writings! Kate, you have taught me that the good things will only come in life when we have open hearts. Unfortunately, that might mean that we'll get hurt in various ways, but it's all worth it! Your blog has helped my marriage. That's right, I don't care who reads this! Your vulnerability helps me everytime I look at your blog. I believe that you will write at least one book. It's just my personal opinion, don't limit your publisher to just a Christian one because people who don't know Him might not read it. Keep your options open, you have a story that the whole world needs to hear, whether they are affected by cancer or not.

You don't know me. A friend of mine pointed me to your blog and asked me to pray for Lucy. I've been following for a while now. Anyway, as a 20 yr old Christian college student, I enjoy embracing classy, beautiful, pretty, and confident. But, Lord forgive me if I ever begin to pursue those individual qualities over Christ Who is the Source of everything good. Only in Him can I truly become a woman with all these qualities. I love your blog too. It's a testimony that even in the ugliest of times, in Christ there is always hope. Despite the sometimes difficult and often "bad news" posts, your blog is always honest and encouraging. Still praying...

Very nice article. I TOTALLY agree. Where did pretty go? I have a 5 year old daughter and I pray that I can keep pretty around in our house as she grows. I am praying for you Kate. Your family touches my life every single day. God bless you as you plow forward to the higher price and your higher calling at the end.

Wow. Fabulous article... and so true. As a mom to a little princess I hope I can pass on the virtues of innocence and true beauty as my parents did with me. It is becoming a tougher and tougher battle. Glad there are other parents out there fighting it with me!