Introduce Sexual Variety

Doc Chaves On Sex Variety, Toys & Fetishes

Sexual Variety

Hi Doc,

Why can't my wife be like the girls in porn movies? I wish I had that type of sex life. Our sex life is very dull. Any advice to change a man's life?

It's an interesting topic you bring up. For every man's reasons for enjoying porn are different. For some, it's about fantasizing and living out their sexual desires through a movie, and for those men, they may not feel like that's possible in their relationships. The misconception is that men watch porn because of the attractive women. While that may be a piece of the pie, there's more that rounds out the experience. Many men watch porn and get turned on by the female actors because of their sexual open-mindedness, sense of sexual adventure, sexual confidence and a host of other reasons beyond how the actors look. It sounds like you wish your wife could expand her sexual horizons and incorporate more variety into your sex life.

My advice to you is to make the most of the life you have. Many people suppress their desires, hide what turns them on and do not take advantage of what sex has to offer. This isn't just men either. Is that the kind of sexual life you want to lead? A number of men fear their partner may reject them, ridicule them, even leave them, if they are more honest about their sexual arousal and what they want sexually. I would encourage you to open the lines of communication with your wife and share what you're thinking and feeling. Take a chance. The rewards could last a lifetime. It's a risk. I understand there are partners who can't handle this type of honesty. The question for you to ask yourself is: Is the risk worth the possible positive outcome? You may just find that she feels the same way and would want to improve your sex life as well.

Vibrators?

Dear Doc,

I took your advice from a past article and started using a vibrator with my girlfriend. It works out really great because my hands, fingers, mouth and neck don’t get tired like before. My question is, can using this vibrator make her become addicted to it for orgasms?

It's too bad we live in a world today where the word addiction is tossed around so casually. It's the media's fault for reinforcing this. I don't believe we can become addicted to a vibrator. But it's possible for some people who use vibrators to become reliant on them to reach orgasm. It's also fair to say that some people may overuse a vibrator to where their genitals may feel numb, very sensitive or even painful because of overuse. Those feelings generally subside with some rest and time. But all of this is very different than addiction.

A vibrator is a great way to reach orgasm, but it's not the only way. I suggest you bring this up with your partner and talk about this concern. It could be a great topic to broach the discussion of more sexual variety and using other methods to explore pleasure. Try orgasms with different types of stimulation, in different positions, in different ways, and alter what you do together so you don't get in too much of a routine. Lastly, it may not even be an issue for her. You may be coming from a place of wondering if this new device is "replacing" you, and it's possible that your concern is arising out of inferiority or ego. Remember, the vibrator doesn't replace us, and there's no need for competition. It simply enhances our lovemaking ability and mutual pleasure.

Penis Pimples

Doc,

Is it normal to get a pimple on my penis? It is freaking me out. Is it a disease?

Our penises aren't perfect. Sorry to burst your bubbles, gentlemen. Sometimes we get imperfections that can be short term, long term or chronic. It doesn't mean we have a disease, although our anxiety often leads us to think in terms of the worst-case scenario. The first thing to do is relax. Whatever it is, you're looking into it, and worry isn't going to remedy this issue.

Some people get pimples in the genital region as well as penile papules, ingrown hairs, plaques, warts and sexually transmitted infections. The best way to figure out if it's a disease or some type of penile imperfection is to see a doctor and get tested. To wait and see if it goes away isn't a good option because you never know if you require medical attention and treatment.