I am perpetually single because I do not believe I deserve to beloved!It all makes sense! This super attractive, funny guy with a diploma, a job, and an apartment is into me and I'm ignoring his text messages because I don't think I'm good enough to date him when obviously I am if not better but my wiring isn't right!How fucked up is that?!Forever A Scone Blog '12

As my 23rd birthday approaches I can't help feeling sad about it - not in a throw-myself-off-a-bridge-oh-god-i'm-old kind of way, but in a small, quiet sort of way that's more about the fact that when I was 16, or 17, or even 18 I thought that by now, surely, I wouldn't be as depressed as I was then. It's kind of exhausting and a little annoying to think that while I've made progress as a student, professionally, etc - this one problem has followed me throughout these years and will probably never go away.

On my birthday, I will probably do nothing. I haven't any money to go out with close friends, and I haven't any close friends to begin with. I'll probably stay home and watch TV. And it will be OK. My birthday stopped being an event years ago. But I wish, at the very least, that while watching TV or surfing the internet on that day I would at least feel a sort of peace rest over me. But I know that the 29th will be like every other day before it, or after it - the same throbbing ache, the same wish that I didn't exist. Perhaps the only peace I can really achieve is a peace in feeling what I'm feeling and being ok enough not to kill myself for a few more years.

Sorry this is so morbid. Livejournal was always a good place for this sort of thing.

Woooooooooooooow. I can't believe I haven't posted here since June, and that wasn't really even a proper post, so let's make is April. I guess I got sucked into the bottomless black pit that is Tumblr, but then there was also the fact that my camera was broken and I felt like all I wanted to say was through photographs, and that wasn't happening, so what was the point? I don't know. Near the end of last week I woke up and found, to my surprise, that my mother had randomly bought me a Nikon D3100 as an early Christmas present. So, yeah, there will be a lot more posts coming along now (especially with Tumblr being down and all, haha).

I am very, very, very, very, very, very, very resentful towards my mother. Her stupid decisions have ruined my life. I don't care if she was young, in love, whatever. She is a dumb bitch and she shouldn't have fucking had me to begin with.

Yes I return with an emo post because that's what the fuck livejournal is for.

Fuck you.

[31 Jan 2010|02:11am]

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mood

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so empty

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I'm not going to update for a long while. I'll still be around LJ and stuff, reading your journals (I do, even if I don't comment - and I'm not just saying that haha), spending way too much time on ONTD...but if you don't like ~inactive~ journals you can remove me right now because I've run out of things to say for the moment.

The following are twenty of my favorite romantic comedies. Why romantic comedies? I dunno. Maybe because I'm a big softy at heart, and when it comes to this genre its rarely about how they stack up to Citizen Kane and more about the emotional reaction and sentimental value I have for them. So yeah, not all of these are "highbrow" and in fact some movies lower than others may be technically or...filmically? better, but it's really just about the feeling. Intro over. :]

20. A Life Less Ordinary (1997)

This is one of those surreal and oddly entertaining movies you catch randomly on late-night cable and end up watching till the end because you're too lazy to change the channel (well, that's what you tell yourself at least). 90s rom-coms are some of my favorite and this one, starring the charming and oh-so adorable Ewan McGreggor (reminiscent of the romantic dreamer he played in Moulin Rouge!) and Cameron Diaz (who, lets face it, was basically made for this genre). It's about a down-on-his-luck janitor and aspiring trashy novel writer who kidnaps a rich heiress (unbeknownst to them two angels are pulling the strings to get them together). Typical "boy meets girl, boy and girl fight at first, boy and girl fall in love" fuckery but OH it's so cracky and fun and it's directed by Danny Boyle, so you just know that shit is entertaining.

Wow. It was an event. It was epic, and emotional, and funny, and nerve-racking, and...just....wow. I thought I was going to write a lolzy little review but I think I'm gonna break this shit down and get a little serious on yo asses. Because. Ten is Gone. And. Wow. Probably won't be able to get all my thoughts on the show down but...I'll try.

I have shit to say about my night but right now there is more important business at hand.

Namely: Doctor Who.

I am going crazy. This shit is taking forever to load. 61%. OH GOD JUST PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY FUCK'S SAKE.

I keep hearing that Part 2 is head and shoulders above Part 1, which isn't surprising. I'm so excited I could pee myself. Yeah, classy.

I couldn't resist watching the Series 5 trailer, though. GOD. To be quite honest, I'm still sorting out my feelings on that one. Obviously, extreme excitement since I am a full-fledged Matt Smith fangirl at this point. But also trepidation...fear.....fgjdfgbjkfg. I refuse to read any comments because I just know there are a million angry fangirls calling him ugly and saying how much the trailer sucks. Ugh. I'll talk more about all this after I've finally watched EoT Part 2.

For now, I'm going to watch Party Animals (I can't believe this show didn't get a second season). Some kind soul has uploaded it to Youtube, so that should satiate me for the next few hours.

I wanted to do a really in-depth recap of my year, but...I can't be bothered. I don't care. For me, days and weeks and months and indeed years really just bleed into each other. I remember very little. I don't look at my life chronologically. Very timey-wimey. So here's just a bunch of pictures and shit. Have a happy New Year, ya'll. Have fun. For once, I'm actually going out and doing something for NYE (party in BK) which should be exciting. I really, really wish I still had a proper camera. :[

Oh and and Happy(and sad, too) EoT Pt. 2 ~~ viewing to my Doctor Who fans. See you on the other side betches.

So it's like two in the AM right now. My Christmas was cute. Christmas morning (like, three AM) me, my mom, my sis, and aunt had an early breakfast of eggs and ribs and watched the first half of West Side Story. We exchanged presents, which we haven't done in a couple years (plus I spent last Christmas in Ghana) so it was nice and all that. Later in the day we had a little get together, some friends came over and we went up to my room and watched District 9. Everyone left around midnight, the fam chilled for like an hour watching the Wendy Williams Show, and then I high-tailed my ass upstairs with a bottle of Corona and some pistachios to find the first upload of "The End of Time" that I could get my hands on.

I am so very tired but I can't go to sleep, it's like I am afraid to sleep or something. Oh, sigh. Thank you smallaffair and babycakes for the virtual gifts, so sweet <3. "'Can a magician kill a man by magic?' Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. 'I suppose a magician might,' he admitted, 'but a gentleman never could.'"

I'm just making this quick post to share a PDF of (in case you didn't know by now) my favorite book ever, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell. A very brief synopsis of it would be two rival magicians in an AU of Britain during the Napoleonic wars who revive English magic. One, Mr Norrell, is an unpleasant little man who spends all his time studying the history and practice of magic. The other, Jonathan Strange, starts out as a young and charismatic bachelor who takes up the practice of magic more as a hobby than anything else. A bunch of shit happens. Haha.

Hopefully someone out there who hasn't read it yet will pick it up! I must say it definitely isn't for everyone. If you don't like antiquated speech a la Austen and Dickens you probably won't like it. It's also an incredibly long read. But it has an awesome dry, witty humor and has the dark, eerie atmosphere of a winter wood. If you can make it to chapter 3, you're good. The journey you go on reading it and the characters you meet along the way are well worth the length, this book is the most satisfying reading experience I've ever had! Also, Lord Byron is in it. I could go on and on about it and probably have. I know I sound like such a nerd, forgive me, haha, I just really love this book for some damned reason. Apparently, there are talks about it being turned into a mini-series which I am not terribly opposed to.

So yeah, anywho - just thought I'd share the PDF for anyone who might be interested.

And please share, too! Recommend me some good books to read over my winter break. All I do is read books for school these days. Any classics you think are must-reads (for a Lit major I'm really bad when it comes to having read most canon novels)? Any new authors you think are awesome? What's the last great book you read? Etc, etc. Yay literature.