Monday, July 31, 2017

Micro Guest Review: The Emoji Movie

My son Marcus got to see The Emoji Movie with his grandmother on Saturday. Yes, my wife and I breathed a mutual sigh of relief, as we managed to get a night off for gaming together (I was running Call of Cthulhu) and we dodged the bullet that was....The Emoji Movie.

All the other reviews online are focusing on how bad this movie is, but I have actually heard ONE good review: from Marcus himself, who wanted to make sure I knew how AWESOME this movie was. So I thought to myself --sure, why not. Let's let what may be the target audience, Marcus's own post-millennial generation, get their own review.

This will require some translation on my part since Marcus is 5 and starts Kindergarten in about 2 weeks. But to summarize:

"Nana and I saw the Emoji Movie. Did I tell you we saw the Emoji Movie? It was The Best Movie Ever! It was awesome!""What did you like about it?""I really liked that they played the games, and there was Candy Crush, and they should have had Minecraft but no, they didn't. But they had all the emojis."

"Which emojis did you like?""I liked the cat with the heart eyes. And....""Did you like Meh?""Yeah I liked Meh. And the Ice Cream.""Did you want to see it again?""Yeah! Let's go, you and me and mama.""How would you rate this on a scale of one to ten?""Twenty Two!"

......So there you go.....22 stars from the five year old Kindergarten set! I encourage parents everywhere to talk other relatives into taking your children to see this movie. You will owe them, but it will be worth it, if all of the Rotten Tomatoes Reviews are to be believed.

The important thing is that in a million years, when the brain-worms of Arcturus IX have annihilated us throughout the galaxy, there will be no surviving recordings of blogs to be found by the cephalopods that evolve to replace us. In this way will their civilization advance and prosper.