Thane. In a landmark decision unanimously supported by all insurance companies, the Insurance Regulatory and Development Authority (IRDA) has passed a circular that Mira Road (a little suburb on the outskirts of Mumbai) residents will not be eligible to be covered under any kind of life and general insurance.

So far only acts of terror and natural disasters were excluded in settling claims.

“A committee was constituted by the IRDA after several insurance companies off late had complained of receiving maximum claims from residents of Mira Road. Be it vehicle, life or health insurance, Mira Road topped the number of claims when compared to other parts of the city. The members of the committee were given a single point agenda to figure out the reasons for the increasing number of claims,” said Jeevan Anand, head of the No Claim Bonus team of Isko Thokiyo insurance company.

A scenic Mira Road during monsoons.

The members prepared an adverse report on vehicle insurance just after traveling 230 meters in the government car provided to them to compile the report.

“Boss, first we thought it was the drivers error when our car got into the first pothole just as we entered Mira Road. But when my head banged on the roof of the car three times in a row that too within 30 seconds with my hips swinging as if I were bungee jumping, we decided to recommend that the residents should not be eligible for any kind of vehicle insurance,” said Rath Kumar,a member of the committee.

Another member of the committee Dr. Sakhi Batra wrote a strong report against giving any kind of life insurance moments after interviewing finance professional Arpita Vankani, who traveled during peak hours to Mumbai from Mira Road.

“To be honest about my findings, I decided to travel with Arpita in the first class compartment to Mumbai. I had never seen as many people in my life except for the war scenes in B R Chopra’s Mahabharata. First i thought that the trains would be running late but the same amount of crowd gathered at the station after departure of train every five minutes,” she said.

Dr Batra continued her sob story saying, “We entered into the train the way Indians did while boarding trains after partition from Pakistan and vice-versa. Before the train reached the next station I imagined the health risks Arpita was exposed to as she traveled everyday to work. Asthama, high blood pressure, joint pain, just as I was thinking about these chronic diseases, a woman punched me in my back at the next station screaming samajhta nahi kya? baap ki train hai kya? dekh bahut jagah hai andar jaane de.”

The last survey was conducted by Anmol Jeevan who spent less than five minutes at the municipal corporation’s office where water tankers were being distributed to housing societies.

“The way members of several housing societies were fighting to get the tanker, I immediately thought of calling up the research team of MTV Roadies and Khatron ke Khiladi to include this act as a task in their reality shows. I wanted to see the live action further but I realised that I was bitten by not less than two dozen mosquitoes in the barely five minutes I was standing there. Scratching myself all over the body like a mad dog I rushed to my car and prepared my report,” he told Faking News.

After the compiled report was presented before IRDA, it passed the circular but was soon criticized by international insurance companies. To prove the decision right, the IRDA officials went undercover with the representatives of the international conglomerate to Nirmal Baba’s darbar.

Nirmal baba who was seen curing ailments, giving fortunes to his followers in his darbar was rendered speechless when an IRDA official stood up to say, “Meri haalat bahut kharab hai baba, Main Mira Rod se aaya hoon.”

Representatives of the international insurance companies took this a last nail in the coffin before adding a question in their online insurance application forms: Are you a resident of Mira Road?