Chandler domestic-violence shelter needs holiday donations

Living at a domestic-violence shelter is no fun at any time of year, but it can be a real downer at the holidays.

Among those at Catholic Charities' My Sister's Place in Chandler is Melissa and her two children, ages 3 and 1. The family ended up in the shelter to escape abuse from her boyfriend.

"When we were just dating, he never hit me," Melissa said. "But within a month after moving in (together), he started hitting me."

She stayed with him for four years, leaving him several times.

"He was very into mind control; he was always saying he was sorry," she said. "He was going to change and he didn't want to lose me."

Now Melissa is looking for a job in the hair-care industry. When she was working, her boyfriend stalked her and urged her to quit her job, trying to isolate her.

When her boyfriend hit her, she would call the police, who would tell her to leave.

Now she's in hiding.

"If you want to be safe, you don't want to be where he's going to find you," she said.

But living in the shelter is hard.

"You want to try to make it as normal as possible for the kids so they won't notice the situation you're in," she said. "I don't have money for Christmas gifts."

It's not known whether she will be in My Sister's Place over the holidays, but other women will be there. The place is filled to capacity with 25 mothers and children, said Yvonne Taylor, director of domestic-violence programs for Catholic Charities. The shelter has compiled a wish list of items the public could provide.

Although the shelter accepts gently used items, the staff is asking that holiday donations be new.

Taylor said the shelter turns women away.

Last year the shelter served 355 women and children but turned away about 850.

If the shelter is full, the staff refers the domestic-violence victim to a hotline that knows of any vacancies in the Valley.

"Unfortunately, a lot of times in Maricopa County, women find they cannot get into any shelter," Yvonne said. "They're all full."

Sometimes families may go to a hotel, but other times there is nowhere to go, so they end up homeless or back with the abuser.

What's needed, Taylor said, is more money for shelters and affordable housing in the community.

"To get housing, they need to find jobs," she said. "Just like the community at large is really struggling with the issue of employment, our women are in the same very tough bind."