CrossFit For Preschoolers

Why You Should Quit Dawdling And Send Your Kid To CrossFit Immediately

The popular workout craze CrossFit is now being adapted for preschoolers aged 3-5. While some may argue that the program's high-intensity, militaristic approach to exercise may be ill-suited to the young, fragile minds and bodies of preschoolers, we at AskMen are firm believers in raising children with strong characters — and even stronger abs, backs and cores.

We know there are some non-believers out there who'd rather have their kid running around in a field like some ill-bred, confused puppy, so we put together a list outlining why CrossFit is the obvious option for any parent who cares about their child's health:

"Why You Should Send Your Kid To CrossFit"

1. Public parks are filthy and filled with people of questionable backgrounds.

2. The years from age 3-5 are an essential time to construct the concept of body image in a child's mind. How they look during these years is going to stick with them for the rest of their lives.

3. Public parks may have slides and teeter-totters, but do they have step benches for lateral squats? Or tiny, tiny weights for tiny, tiny bicep curls? Didn't think so.

4. Because the first time your child breaks down into tears after their CrossFit trainer yells "FEEL THE BURN" into their tiny little face is the first step toward a lifetime of self-discipline.

5. CrossFit offers kids a more traditional education too, like learning how to spell R-h-a-b-d-o-m-y-o-l-y-s-i-s.

6. Arnold Schwarzenegger took care of his body from a young age and he became the governor of California. Why would you deny your child the opportunity to be governor of California? Are you some kind of monster?

7. It's nice to have a strong, young toddler to help you out around the house, yard or garage. "Keep that two-by-four steady, junior!"

8. You finally have an excuse to buy those itty-bitty size 3 Nikes with the running suit to match.

9. Because while the other kids are learning their ABCs, your kid is learning their WODs.

10. Because CrossFit equipment mimics obstacles kids would face in the outdoors, like red foam triangles and plastic multi-colored hoops.

12. CrossFit is not "play." It is "constantly varied functional movements executed at high intensity across broad modal and time domains." You know who "played"? Hippies. Hopefully, that's all that needs to be said.

13. You know what looks great on an application for an athletic scholarship? 18 solid years of CrossFit. You may not have been good enough for Brown, but, goddamnit, your kid is going to be.

14. A CrossFitter at 3 is a CrossFitter for life — at least that's what we overheard one of the marketing executives saying.

15. Do you want your kid to look like this: or like this: The choice is yours.