Reports from Valentine Michael Smith, the man from Mars.

Lies, Damned Lies & Independence*

A public meeting on the subject of independence yesterday gave little insight into the island’s direction. Aimed at education and getting accurate feedback from the public, the gathering’s informal poll showed that:

21% of attendees supported independence

35% were against independence

23% were confused expats thinking they were attending a screening of The Sound of Music

39% don’t know if they would support independence

7% couldn’t remember what that nice young man at the seniors’ club paid them to say

The statistician can’t correctly calculate percentages

Speaking in favour of independence, Corporal Barmy said that it would “Allow the island to govern its own destiny and rid itself of people who take our parking spaces.” He also pointed out that the government would be able to suspend citizenship of undesirables such as the opposition, before giving a spooky laugh like the ones used by the baddies in Scooby Doo. It is believed that Hollywood is now courting the Corporal for an upcoming role in another Batman sequel.

Speaking against independence, Gerald Furby, a retired administrator with too much time on his hands, said that it was important that Bermuda retain its links with the UK because otherwise that nice Prince Andrew won’t visit any more. He also pointed out that under the current system he has the right to work as a dancer in the Moulin Rouge and that right would be lost in an independent Bermuda.

Expat Ralph Fleissige announced he had a telegraph for Herr Dettweiler. The recipient could not be found and was rumoured to be in Vienna with the Baroness. On the question of how to solve a problem like Maria, Corporal Barmy suggested she be deported since she clearly had no work permit.

Lashaquettilla from Paget asked what would happen to her passport if Bermuda went independent. The panel were split on this issue, with some favouring changing to a pink to match the houses and others preferring turquoise to match the sea. A compromise was proposed where passport holders can choose between those options or maybe have alternate covers to match their purses or Bermuda shorts. Lashaquettilla said that it wasn’t what she meant but that she favoured turquoise.

To the question of what would be the financial impact of retaining the status quo versus choosing independence, the corporal pointed out that “We will have complete control of your money, I mean our money, in an independent Bermuda. Many people will be better off.”

Opposition spokesperson Quietasa Mouse declared this to be false, pointing out that the earth would fall in and that Bermuda would then have to pay for its own figurehead in ridiculous uniform. Current market prices for figureheads in ridiculous uniform are high due to a surge in demand in North Korea and Luxembourg. Pressed by a persistent questioner, she also admitted that raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens are indeed numbered among her very favourite things.

Due to a lack of time, the panel could not answer all questions during the meeting. Attendees were asked to write their questions down and the chairperson has promised to publish all answers along with lyrics to Edelweiss on the government website.

*Mostly fabricated but the Baroness really was last seen in Vienna with Herr Dettweiler.

Rummie, yes, the forum has reached bandwidth limits - Mike has contacted the hosting company and hopefuly it will be back shortly. Meantime, we welcome you to post on this part of the site - I can always transfer coments across to the forum when it is fixed.

Thanks Rummie... I feel like I met you already :-) I have a feeling someday we'll meet in the flesh.

On another topic entirely... There was a survey here in Australia this week asking people if they believe that foreign workers here should have the same rights as Australian workers. 84% said yes. I wonder what the equivalent survey result in Bermuda would be.

Thats a good question. Everytime I look inside the front cover of my EU Passport it says something about affording the possesser all the rights, privlages, security of the country they are visiting. Good topic and food for thought. Oh, Bermuda, know that Motley Crew, probabley 18.23456 percent.

I mentioned something like that on another blog. Oh, Rummie they know. Guess it's back too defending the people that keep us going. What an asshole I am. Morals? Oh they must be talking about' "Morels", $765 a pound.

Reality, thanks for 'keeping us in check'. No Karma needed, just a hug.

Crazy Rummie.

Ps. Expat? Whats that? Is that like a slap on the back or a pat on the back. Oh what a tangled Rennee we weave.

WE ARE BUT OBSERVERES.
NOW CAN ANYONE SHOW ME
(1)
A MAP OF ALL THE FATAL ACCIDENTS ON BIKES IN BERMUDA.
(2)
A MAP OF ALL THE SPEEDING TICKETS ISSUED IN BERMUDA.
wE THEN WILL SEE HOW OUT OF TOUCH THE POLICE ARE.
I SURE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOME ONE HELP ME.

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Book Recommendation

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