Help for ending an affair, healing, and other notes from my personal wreckage

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My Affair and Marriage

My affair is pretty much ancient history. We are doing great. We no longer talk about “it” or “her.” It’s well in our rear view mirror. But I have kept this blog going. Why? Because of the notes I get every week from people, desperate for help and/or thanking me for my blog profusely. Because I feel like I’m making a difference still. Because a voice of someone like me is sorely needed in a sea of blogs that rarely present the point of view of the “Recovering Wayward Spouse,” and if they do, it’s usually inaccurate and mean-spirited. Continue reading →

I post very little about my affair or myself any longer. I wanted the blog to be not about me, but about the topic — to help others get out of infidelity, avoid it altogether or heal from it. So I say very little about my affair, my wife, my recovery or “her.” Its been more than 900 days since D-day and when I cut things off with “her”. My marriage has recovered well. We don’t talk about “it”. It’s very much in the rear view mirror for us. Continue reading →

I have seen your many responses to Wendy’s blog and just found this blog. You are very open about your affair which I guess is a good thing, not sure if I was your wife I would be able to handle all the details you have divulged about your AP. Continue reading →

Your blog is certainly refreshing. As the betrayed wife, I know what I did wrong on some level. My husband started his emotional affair when or son was less than two months old. Do I think it’s fair it was while I was still going through my postpartum emotions, certainly not, but I can admit I wasn’t very nice. Continue reading →

I have been wondering this for a while, so even though you and I don’t always see eye to eye I would like to know why you didn’t speak up about the things that were lacking in your marriage. You even said in one of your answers here, “Yes, I should’ve spoken up. I didn’t.” So why not?Continue reading →

2. How does your wife know you won’t do it again, either with this woman or someone else?

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1. What do you feel for/about your affair partner now?

I think I sort of answered that in your previous question, or at least in other blogs. How do I feel about her? Nothing good. I see her as a dishonest, immature, cunning, manipulative, drama queen. Continue reading →

I can’t believe how lucky I have been to have the wife I have. Who, in the face of the single most devastating thing I could’ve done inside the marriage, has shown me courage, love, forgiveness and understanding, even while dealing with her own rage, memories and doubts caused by all of this. She has been amazing, almost from day one. There was never a question in her mind that, despite what I did, that she still loved me and still wanted to be married to me. Continue reading →

My wife has been great. After the initial shock, she accepted her side of the “blame” for the deterioration of our marriage such that I had to get my needs met elsewhere. We were in it together. We stopped nurturing our relationship about the time our first child was born. And we slowly drifted apart and did nothing about it.Continue reading →