Is my daughter being bullied?

Is my daughter being bullied?

Hello all Iím at a loose end on what to do here. Itís a long one so here goes...

I have a 2 and a half year old DD. I have been separated from her father for over a year and a half now.

He has a partner- been with her for about a year. She has a 5yo daughter.

He works offshore on a 4/4 rotation so when heís home heíll have our DD 2 nights a week.

Now as far as I was aware my DD and the new partners DD got on well and loved playing with each other and while my daughters dad is away his new partner has offered to have my daughter now and again. However over the last month the following has happened... CMS got in touch to say that payments are being reduced as my ex had told them he has her a lot more than he does, I was initially confused as I had told them the exact schedule as to when he has her. However came to realise he is now counting when his partner has her. I innocently explained this to CMS and to why I was confused and they came back and said that it doesnít count when she has her itís only when he has her for a full night.

My main concern is that a couple of weeks ago I offered to help his partner out and looked after her DD while she went to work for a couple of hours. I thought it would be lovey for my daughter to have her round to play. How wrong was I!? In the first 10 minutes of being in my house my daughter had been kicked twice and slapped across her face. BY A 5 YEAR OLD!? I was quite disgusted by her behaviour. However what shocked me more is that my DD didnít even react. she has been left with a bruise so it wasnít just a little kick either. I made me think that sheís used to this and it made me so sad that she is so accepting of being treated like this? She also broke one of my DDís toys deliberately, threw a 50p coin at me and snatched any toy my daughter had away from her - gain my daughter didnít seemed fazed by this 😥😥😥

My ex is due home later tonight but isnít having my DD this weekend as he ďhas plansĒ (will be in pub all weekend). I have tried hard to keep up my DD and fathers relationship which I feel I shouldnít have to do.. he should be desperate to see her. However I wonder if men are just wired up different to women 🤔

So anyway earlier this morning my ex text to say that since he is paying so much in CMS payments to me he wants to have my DD for an extra night per weekso heís not paying so much. however am I wrong in feeling like I would rather it be when his partners DD isnít there? Iím reluctant to change the nights anyway as he usually cancels at least 2 of his nights with our DD as it is. I really thought that my daughter was being clingy to me if I leave her but now Iím so scared itís because sheís being treated like this at their house? What can I do about it? Any experiences and advice welcome Iv been stressed and worrying all day!

(Also just for background we both have parental rights as we did not go to court for a custody battle- so do I have a right to say he canít have her an extra night if itíll be with the partners DD??)

Hello all Iím at a loose end on what to do here. Itís a long one so here goes...

I have a 2 and a half year old DD. I have been separated from her father for over a year and a half now.

He has a partner- been with her for about a year. She has a 5yo daughter.

He works offshore on a 4/4 rotation so when heís home heíll have our DD 2 nights a week.

Now as far as I was aware my DD and the new partners DD got on well and loved playing with each other and while my daughters dad is away his new partner has offered to have my daughter now and again. However over the last month the following has happened... CMS got in touch to say that payments are being reduced as my ex had told them he has her a lot more than he does, I was initially confused as I had told them the exact schedule as to when he has her. However came to realise he is now counting when his partner has her. I innocently explained this to CMS and to why I was confused and they came back and said that it doesnít count when she has her itís only when he has her for a full night.

My main concern is that a couple of weeks ago I offered to help his partner out and looked after her DD while she went to work for a couple of hours. I thought it would be lovey for my daughter to have her round to play. How wrong was I!? In the first 10 minutes of being in my house my daughter had been kicked twice and slapped across her face. BY A 5 YEAR OLD!? I was quite disgusted by her behaviour. However what shocked me more is that my DD didnít even react. she has been left with a bruise so it wasnít just a little kick either. I made me think that sheís used to this and it made me so sad that she is so accepting of being treated like this? She also broke one of my DDís toys deliberately, threw a 50p coin at me and snatched any toy my daughter had away from her - gain my daughter didnít seemed fazed by this 😥😥😥

My ex is due home later tonight but isnít having my DD this weekend as he ďhas plansĒ (will be in pub all weekend). I have tried hard to keep up my DD and fathers relationship which I feel I shouldnít have to do.. he should be desperate to see her. However I wonder if men are just wired up different to women 🤔

So anyway earlier this morning my ex text to say that since he is paying so much in CMS payments to me he wants to have my DD for an extra night per weekso heís not paying so much. however am I wrong in feeling like I would rather it be when his partners DD isnít there? Iím reluctant to change the nights anyway as he usually cancels at least 2 of his nights with our DD as it is. I really thought that my daughter was being clingy to me if I leave her but now Iím so scared itís because sheís being treated like this at their house? What can I do about it? Any experiences and advice welcome Iv been stressed and worrying all day!

(Also just for background we both have parental rights as we did not go to court for a custody battle- so do I have a right to say he canít have her an extra night if itíll be with the partners DD??)

Thank you for reading.

Hi Kerry

I can see why you are so concerned about what your daughter might be experiencing while she is with her father, his partner and the partner's child... This child did not hold back, did she? There she was in your care (I assume that you don't actually know her or her mother that well) in your home (a place I assume that she has not been before) and look at what she did... Your daughter's reaction, or the lack of it, suggests that she is very used to all of this and has learned that there is no point in saying anything.

Are you keeping a record of when arrangements are cancelled by him? It does sound as if he is more concerned about money than anything else. I certainly would not go chasing after someone who keeps cancelling - it will be his loss in the end. It does look as if he thought he could get away with classing a few hours spent with his partner and her daughter as being the same as an overnight stay and he must have been irritated to find out that this is not so. Have you told him about what happened when his partner's daughter was in your home (I assume that you won't be doing that again) and how concerning it was to see that your daughter appeared to think that she had no choice but to put up with it?... The difficulty is that he does sound as if he wants to do whatever is easiest for him and let's face it, telling his partner that her daughter behaves as she does towards a much younger child is never going to be well-received... If I have understood you correctly, they don't actually live together? If they don't, then that would make things easier

I can see why you are so concerned about what your daughter might be experiencing while she is with her father, his partner and the partner's child... This child did not hold back, did she? There she was in your care (I assume that you don't actually know her or her mother that well) in your home (a place I assume that she has not been before) and look at what she did... Your daughter's reaction, or the lack of it, suggests that she is very used to all of this and has learned that there is no point in saying anything.

Are you keeping a record of when arrangements are cancelled by him? It does sound as if he is more concerned about money than anything else. I certainly would not go chasing after someone who keeps cancelling - it will be his loss in the end. It does look as if he thought he could get away with classing a few hours spent with his partner and her daughter as being the same as an overnight stay and he must have been irritated to find out that this is not so. Have you told him about what happened when his partner's daughter was in your home (I assume that you won't be doing that again) and how concerning it was to see that your daughter appeared to think that she had no choice but to put up with it?... The difficulty is that he does sound as if he wants to do whatever is easiest for him and let's face it, telling his partner that her daughter behaves as she does towards a much younger child is never going to be well-received... If I have understood you correctly, they don't actually live together? If they don't, then that would make things easier

Best wishes.

No I hadnít had her here before, and so I was shocked that in such a strange environment she acted in this way to my DD.

I have a year long record of dates he didnít take our DD, some of which meant I had to miss my work. Thankfully my work are understanding but financially itís a strain. I have text him explaining what happened and his response is that it never happens around him or his partner. They donít officially live together but he spends every night home at her house, so my DD is there with him.
I just feel really helpless.

No I hadnít had her here before, and so I was shocked that in such a strange environment she acted in this way to my DD.

I have a year long record of dates he didnít take our DD, some of which meant I had to miss my work. Thankfully my work are understanding but financially itís a strain. I have text him explaining what happened and his response is that it never happens around him or his partner. They donít officially live together but he spends every night home at her house, so my DD is there with him.
I just feel really helpless.

It does not surprise me that he said this. Much easier to fob you off or to imply that you have invented the whole thing or you are not supervising them properly... How much attention does he actually pay when the two girls are together? He really should be spending the time your daughter is with him concentrating on her and not hanging around his partner's home, but sadly there is nothing you can do to change that. I would suggest keeping a close eye on things from now on and if your daughter comes home with any bruising, then I would suggest taking a picture of it and asking him for an explanation. Is your daughter able to express how things go when she is with this girl?