Christmas Wish 2009

Many, many, years ago when Keith was still just a toddler, I was an avid All My Children fan. One of my favorite episodes was the “Wishing Star” episode. In this episode, it was Christmas Eve, Tad and Dixie had been separated and both were walking through the snow, alone and looking up at the stars. In true soap opera fashion, both stop and see a star and make a wish on it at the same time even though they’re nowhere around each other.

Every Christmas since, I’ve made a Christmas wish. I usually try to make it on Christmas Eve, sometimes I make it before then and sometimes after then. And every year, I’ve done my very best to make it come true. The first year, I was married and miserable and vowed I’d be happier by the next Christmas.

I was.

When Mr. Unavailable had my life turned upside down with his constant entrances and sudden disappearances, I wished for resolutions. After three years in a row, I had it.

Third time was the charm for that one, I guess.

This year?

Well, since my Christmas wish is generally more of a Christmas resolution since it’s not generally something I leave to chance; my wish is that for the next year, I’m able to focus on ME.

I’m going to make my wish and resolve that I make this year all about ME.

Selfish?

Not really.

My son is 17, mostly raised, going to community college next month. He’s pretty much self-sufficient at this point.

I’ve been giving more of myself than what I’m getting in return and it’s worn me out. It’s made me grumpy, impatient, moody, and really just not myself.

It’s time for that to change.

It’s time for me. It’s time for me to make time for ME. To do what I want. To take care of me.

And in return, I’ll be better for it. I’ll be happier, more patient, and myself.

That is my Christmas wish; I wish that 2010 will be the year of Alisha.

And I vow to make that happen.

And I’ve already started. Someone asked me last night what I was doing for Christmas Eve and I said, “Whatever I want.”

The response I got, “You go girl.”

And for the time being, that’s going to be my mantra.

“Whatever I want.”

For now, I’m off to rest and relax. This is what I WANT to do right now.