Panama Jackson on Monday, May. 23rd

I’m fairly certain that over the course of civilization, men and women have been figuring out and perfecting ways to piss off their boothangs at an alarming clip. From locking a man out of a cave by pushing the boulder in front of the entrance early to forgetting to turn the crank on the car for a woman…pisstivity is an art form. I’m even convinced that many of us do it on purpose. I don’t even have a boothang right now but I just pissed off my boy’s boothang to keep my skills in tact. She had it coming though…how you gonna come up in my motherlovin’ establishment, eat my food, drink my wine, and then tell me Baby Boy is the worst thing to happen to the Black community since the Civil Rights Movement?

Just rude. Especially since the obvious truth is that Black people are the worst thing to happen to the Black community since the Civil Rights Movement.

Word. Life.

Nowadays, with so many means of interacting with people we probably shouldn’t interact with, we end up with lots of boothangs and love interests that we normally wouldn’t have had when IM was a carrier pigeon. Between Al Gore’s offspring, smartphones, and iPads, we communicate differently now. We BBM, we Facebook, we chat and text. Hell, we spend more time talking without speaking to one another, you’d think we were all extras in a Charlie Chaplin movie. And with this new fangled technology swoon comes new and improved ways to get your point across and piss off your boothang. This is actually a talent and a skill. I’ve been impressed with some people’s ability to really get under the skin of their boopieces. Now for those needing some help in this department, fret not, VSB is here to show you how we do this son.

(By the way, I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I have or will ever do any of these things. I will. Thank you and good night.)

1. Sending somebody to voicemail

Nothing illicits a ”no this motherf*@#er did not” faster than hearing the voicemail greeting after the first ring. It’s just disrespectful. This works especially well if you rush your boothang off the phone and they call back. Ring. Voicemail. Death threats. Indictments. 6 foot, 7 foot, 8 foot PUNCH!

2. Changing your Gchat status from green to red or going invisible and pretending you’re not there

I don’t even adhere to people’s status lights anymore. Red is merely an indicator that you just want to talk to me and not everybody else. But if you want to piss somebody off, be mid convo and just go to busy…and don’t respond back. Or just log off altogether if you’re really gully. This especially works at pissing off women. Women do not like to be ignored, but being both ignored AND “hung up” on? She’s gonna attempt to lay hands on you later, fellas. Bob and weave, nicca. Bob and weave.

For more on how (not) to blame your relationship woes on technology, visit Very Smart Brothas.