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Category Archives: Happenstance

Hello my lovelies! How have the last few months been treating you? Let me tell you, I am so glad to see this year come to a close, I can just focus on the future and hopefully there are bright skies and clear horizons for all of us!

I won’t bore anyone with the details, but let’s just say that since we’ve last spoken a lot has happened over there in My Real Life (MRL). I confess, sometimes I hate MRL, I wish I could just laze about entertaining, pursuing knowledge, meeting wonderful people and drinking just a touch too much red wine. I know that “out there” is where I have to live and work and be, but wouldn’t it be lovely if all of us in the Willow World could just step back for a week or so at a time and luxuriate in all kinds of pleasures and interests without fear of discovery or scorn?

Anyhow, what all of my blasé poetic streaming is getting to is that my new schedule is limited, I’ll be putting a lot more miles on my long-suffering car, and come the New Year the dreaded rate hike is coming. (Luckily, anyone who’s had the pleasure in the past 12 months is exempted!) The hike is sadly neccessary, my situation over here has changed and we all must do what we must.

I have new photos to share with you all! I’m being sort of mean right now, mentioning them, since I technically don’t have access to them, yet. BUT I wanted my lovely readers to be the first to see them and give me some feedback. A lovely photog friend of mine wanted to play with natural lighting and chose me as his subject (such a doll, really) so they are on the tame side. I’m hoping that some intrepid sailor can point me in the direction of some more steamy, flirty photographs. If any of you lovelies have connections let’s have a chat!

Now! The bottom is where the real info is! My new schedule is thus (and I know, it is damned tight)

I’m limiting myself to two trysts a week, and sadly pre-scheduling is now a 100% must. This lack of freedom is so jarring to me, since for the past 6 years I’ve done everything my way, in my own time, by the seat of my delicate panties. But, I do suppose this is par for the course. I’ll need to get used to it anyway, because I begin my Bachelor’s Program next year.

OK, so that’s it for my first update. I promise I’ll be back soon with proper pictures and maybe a sexy story.

(editor’s note: This is a long ramble, but at the end is an amazing cupcake recipe, so I promise you’ll be rewarded)

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a trying couple of months. I know some of you have been trying to get a hold of me and I apologize profusely for the lack of communication. On top of two of the most trying months I’ve ever had, I came back from a family trip to an email that had been hijacked by persons unknown. All of my contact lists and archives had been tampered with (read, none of my labels/address books are there, and many emails have been deleted) After dealing with the lovely help desk of google I was able to verify my identity and regain access to my account. Let me say right now that Google’s double authentication app is WORTH ITS DIGITAL WEIGHT IN BITCOIN and I have now locked up every account I can with it.

So, even though this blog is supposed to be fun and lighthearted with just a side of education, I’m going to get personal. I don’t have the wherewithal to explain this a hundred times, so if you’ll indulge a bit of venting by your’s truly I’ll explain where I’ve been.

It started it March when I received the news of the sudden death of my grandfather. This man was a pillar of his community, as well as father or step father to a grand total of 12 children (of which there are 12 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren only on our side) there was going to have to be a grand spectacle. Without going into the nitty gritty, the last half of March was a scramble. For my part, I was supposed to be the AV gal, running projectors, microphones, fix staticky speakers and coordinate the use of the giant hall we had to commandeer for the occasion. This was also used as an excuse for a family reunion of sorts, and I’ll let you argue the merits of that on your own.

This was all happening 3 hours away from me, which necessitated oh so much travel. The recoup time after the event was about a week, and we were finally settling in to deal with lofty issues like probate, wills, and the inevitable consequences of what happens when wills are outdated by decades. (spoiler alert: one greedy part of the family can drag out contests and inquiries for quite some time, at great expense and exasperation. I am so happy I come from humble beginnings and won’t ever have to deal with that special kind of Hell)

So, April comes trucking along, and we have just caught our collective breath when another bombshell hits: my grandmother (from the same side of the family) has been hiding her cancer diagnosis from everyone for upwards of five years, and now it’s progressed to a point that she can no longer function on her own. She has not treated it (I don’t count homeopathic remedies that have no basis in science) and now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, she still refuses any kind of medical intervention. She lives in Phoenix, so end of April I’m called upon to travel to her, spend a few weeks down there and see about transferring her person and her cat up here for possible treatment and most likely end of life care. Seattle has better climate, better doctors, and most of her family is here anyway. That was one of the longest drives I’ve ever taken (also, I recommend traveling with a cat. She was the best part of that craziness and it was great to have something warm and fluffy to snuggle) The entire stay in Phoenix felt like, to me, an act of futility (as nice as it was to reconnect with my grandmother and show her how I grew up, as we hadn’t spent very much time together since I was 19) I was useless in jumping on the bandwagon of snake oil, secret miracle cures, and “cancer busting” diets. My offers to help research these claims for any sort of scientific backing were slapped down with scary buzz words like “big Pharma” and “Medical death Care” and conspiracy theories of people silenced and grass roots research destroyed in the name of profits and keeping people sick. The one thing I felt like I was doing better than anyone was treating my grandmother with the dignity and respect she has always shown me. Her children (with all the best intents) were quick to infantilize her, talking about her treatment as if she wasn’t there, and allowing her to lay and wallow without a thought to muscle wasting or the concept of movement helping move along blood and oxygen that she needs. I was able to sneak her out for a smoothie and pedicure, which she really seemed to appreciate.

Two weeks later we were planning her eventual journey up here. She arrived at the end of May. As one of the only people in my family who is mobile, sets her own schedule, and has no children to take care of, I have been helping with her palliative care while she seeks out whatever treatment she feels comfortable with. It’s been a lesson in patience and love that I can engage with her on an adult level without blasting about the damage she is potentially doing by drinking glorified bleach water and slow cyanide poisoning to help cure her cancer. Granted, chemo isn’t a walk in the daisies, but at least it comes with a side order of doctor supervision.

So that’s been May. June is now half over, and I am just burned out. I developed a sinus infection on top of my worse-than-usual allergies, and I’m fairly certain that the stress of the past few months have done a little number on my immune system. The shiny cherry atop this glorious sundae is the new drama in my life: root canals. I’ve finally found a dentist, and like a good girl I went in for a cleaning and x-rays, as it’s been a few years. Over the next few months, as finances allow for it, I will be undergoing at least three, maybe four root canals (and their subsequent crowns will be needed) an extraction of one tooth, which will need a bone graft for a later implant, and if I’m extra special lucky after all of these surgeries are done, I’m hoping to be a candidate for Invisaline braces (the little clear fitted thingies that go over your teeth and slowly straighten them without wires or “real” braces)

I guess the tooth that needs extracting has been infected for who knows how long, but since it never caused me pain until recently, I didn’t get it looked at until it was so bad that I’m on a pretty good dose of antibiotics and looking at a lot of time in that dentist chair. Luckily, I found a very nice dentist not far from me, who takes cash payments on a discount, and is willing to work with me stretching out the treatments so I’m not laid up for months on end.

I feel like ending this now would be way too much of a bummer, so here’s some good stuff in my life recently.

Pride is coming!!!! The last sunday in June is the Pride Parade in Seattle, and as I do every year I’m walking in it. I’ll be supporting SWOP, which is again walking with the Center for Sex Positive Culture. I’m still always so grateful to the help the CSPC offers for sex-positive programs and clubs. If you are curious, the route is posted on the Seattle City website, but it follows 4th street and ends down on 1st/Denny area and spills into the Seattle Science Center. There will be floats, music, nearly-naked EVERYONE and it’s a grand old time. If you are in the crowd, feel free to run out and find me for a hug, or even walk with us if you are able. I am also happy to pose for pictures, time allowing.

I got a FitBit! I know I’ve spoken to some of you about all kinds of fitness trackers, so I went and got myself a FitBit Charge HR. The accompanying app is what sold it for me, it’s seamless and fun. With my colicky car looking like it’s on it’s last legs (wheels?) anyway, I’ve been walking a lot of places and figured it was time for some data collection! I’m averaging 10,000 steps and/or 3 miles a day, and I look forward to increasing those numbers. Walking is good for my hips and my knees, lets me enjoy the weather, and I won’t even deny it, it’ll make my butt look amazing(er) 🙂

I’m baking again! I recently made Earl Grey Tea cupcakes with bergamot icing, and they were fabulous. The following is a quick and dirty recipe, feel free to modify:

Cream butter and sugar until fluffy. Add each egg in individually, blending well before adding the second. Combine dry ingredients together in a separate bowl, and add 1/2 the mix to the wet. Blend until combined, then add the milk and other half of the dry mix. Blend until just combined.

Pre-heat the oven to 350degrees. If making regular cupcakes, bake for 20ish minutes. If making mini cupcakes, bake for 12ish minutes.

Blend butter and sugar together, adding the sugar a little at a time, until fluffy and peaking. Taste test now and again, and when it’s sweet enough stop adding sugar. Add in the bergamot oil a few drops at a time, blending and tasting throughout. I found that I needed 24 drops to get a nice but not overpowering flavor. This is entirely optional, but I added food coloring to make it a light purple.

If you’ve never piped frosting onto a cake before, you must try this. Put a ziploc back inside of a tall, wide mouthed glass or jar, and fill it full of frosting, squeezing out excess air. Squeeze the frosting down into one corner, and carefully snip of the TINIEST of corners, to create a small hole (you can always cut more, but you can’t ever cut less) Using even pressure, squeeze the line of icing out of the bag, and swirl it onto the cake in a pleasing tornado fashion. I’ll tell you now, you have to create a flat disc of frosting first before you build up your peaky-swirl, or else it’ll cave in.

Consider dusting each cake with a little bit of lemon zest or granulated sugar for an interesting look.

Thank you for sticking with me, and this is a really long way of me saying “I’m back, give me time to see about finding my emails, but if you haven’t heard back from me consider re-sending as someone decided to be mean to my inbox.”

Hello lovers and dreamers! I do hope that you are enjoying the fantastically sunny day here in my favorite city, and it is just so sweet of you to come by and visit! Today’s post is a bit tongue in cheek, a bit ribald, a bit, well, just funny! Know that there is no malice behind this post nor is there any bad blood. Let’s laugh together!

However…

Cancellations just suck, don’t they? As a provider, I spend a good hour or so getting ready for every appointment, not to mention the hours it can take “off the clock” to schedule with someone new. So to have my hopes of sexy fun dashed last minute (usually due to unforseen circumstances, truly) just puts a stutter in my day. It’s natural to feel bummed out, maybe a little frustrated, even miffed. BUT! As it happens, I’ve come up with some pretty fool-proof things to do to boost up that mood a bit, and maybe feel like you haven’t simply wasted an hour (or more) of your precious time!

Practice a new make up technique: I’m so boring with my makeup. Concealer, powder, eye shadow, liner, lipstick. It’s all the same, I can do it in my sleep (well, no I can’t but you see the hyperbole for what it is). No matter the fun pictures or “so easy!” how to’s I find on YouTube I never seem to pull the trigger and actually try something new! So, this time I decided to go an entirely different direction with my eye makeup and highlighting. Maybe you learn something new (pastel pink is a good color on me), maybe you learn a new trick (hide under eye circles with yellow pigment!), maybe you fail miserably (I can not be trusted with traditional liner pencils. I will ruin them in my quest to sharpen them perfectly) but here’s the good news: NO ONE has to see it or even know about it! You’ve just eaten up at least half an hour!

Find an involved hair tutorial and test it out. I know this sounds the exact same as number 1, but trust me, it’s way different (and takes up way more time) This is how I learned to perfect my victory rolls cheat. (photographic proof below)

Dust under something. No, stay with me! If you are anything like me, I spend a good 30 minutes or so before an appointment sweeping, dusting, wiping down or fluffing up things so it looks neat as a pin. I organize, I stack, I even out and fold. But there is something that I’m not really proud of: I really dislike wiping down my baseboards. Call it a mental block, call it laziness, but I just don’t. like. it. So, I have decided that when I get stood up for whatever reason I resolve to do at least one round with my fancy duster thing on my baseboards. If you regulate that one distasteful job to a (hopefully) rare occurrence like a cancellation or no show it seems far less daunting, right?

I’m not even going to sugar-coat this, but get some “self love” time in! (OK that was still pretty sweet) One of the best pieces of advice my mentor gave me was to always, always, always be excited for your engagement. Now, most might have taken that to mean get amped up, look pretty, treat him like a long-lost lover come home again. However, MY mentor was a crazy sex freak (in the best of ways, holla lady!) and spelled it out for me: m-a-s-t-u-r-b-a-t-e. Before every engagement. Not necessarily to completion, you of course want to save all the extra fun stuff for when you are together, but it’s the best way to get that alluring glow in your cheeks, that heady aroma in the air, and hey, masturbating feels awesome, why wouldn’t you do it? So, if you have an hour to kill, maybe it’s the perfect time to rev up that dopamine and oxytocin generator and go to town!

Take a nap. This might just be me, but I love naps. Need I say more?

So there you have it, darlings, five spectacular ways to take the sting out of a cancellation. Now that it’s getting to be gorgeous again we can probably add to the list “take a walk outside” or “read a book on the roof” or “go pick flowers in the park”, but I wanted to keep things pretty specific to in doors and in studio. I can’t lie, with the odd engagement fizzling right at go time, I’ve had a lot of time to think about these things. You can’t ever be disappointed if you have a proper back up plan!

(Oh, and here’s my little experiment with victory rolls. The secret hack is to pull the side hair out at almost 90 degrees then curl it -back- and pin)

As I type, I am sprawled on my bed, pillows, blankets, and top sheet flung to the floor like last night’s prom dress, naked as a jaybird with my (pitifully weak) tower fan blows tepid air over my sweating body. Explain to me, my beautiful Emerald City, WHY you insist on getting yourself up to 80 degrees in April! (OK OK It’s about 9 hours until it’s May officially, but I am NOT going to split hairs) It is still technically Spring, and I am not ready for this studio to become an oven!

I am taking up a collection of sorts so I can get myself a nifty, thrifty, and FROSTY! air conditioning unit that will work with the god-awfully designed window-door that I have. (I’m thinking this one based on it being a cooling unit, dehumidifier AND a normal fan.) Now that I am sharing my studio on the regular I can’t in good conscience let my sisters-in-arms sweat! Last year I dealt with it by simply not booking during the worst times (12pm-3pm) but those happen to be VERY busy, bustling times, so this year is air conditioning year!

But! The good news is that with this beautiful, sunny, sunshine my roof patio is finally in play! I can sun bathe! I can read my books while sun bathing! I can have my man servant Manuel bring me strong mai tais with the little umbrellas in it while reading while sunbathing! (OK… I don’t actually have a man servant. But a girl can dream!) I am trying to be a little bit more lax this year with my sun aversion. As much as I love the creamy ivory color my skin naturally is, this year I’m trying not to sweat getting a little brown. The key is to brown strategically, so I don’t wind up with “lady farmer” tan (you gals know what I’m talking about. Those capped sleeves only lessen the problem, but it’s there! Not to mention those odd swoop necklines!) That means that at least once a week I’ll be up there in my favorite two piece evening out my bronzing.

Before I get emails I promise I’ll wear a big floppy hat, some sun screen, and won’t be out more than an hour or so at a time! Trust me, I’m doing this for vanity’s sake, since I /hate/ weird tan lines on myself.

So that’s what’s going on with me! Perhaps if you are good I’ll put up some scandalous bikini selfies!

Sometimes I find that when I’m truly and thoroughly stressed out I can turn to alliteration to help alleviate some of the profound, personal pressure. (see what I did there?)

Instead of sending out 20+ emails individually (and inevitably missing a few lovely people) I thought I’d put something up here. My blog seems to reach far more people than I initially thought, my “lurker” count has shot through the roof in recent months. I know it sucks when someone you like goes dark online. One of my favorite bloggers (the absolutely fabulous Allie Brosh from Hyperbole and a Half) has been known to go dark for almost a year at a time, which sends her many, many readers into a frantic tail spin. While I am not no where near as funny (or, let’s face it, popular!) I know a few of you have sent curious emails about me and my whereabouts. Here’s a short and condensed version:

Some old injuries from my Army days are rearing their ugly little heads. I’ve never hid my nerve damage but I’ve never yelled it from the roof tops either, but I have sort of kept another injury under wraps: I got my noggin whacked pretty good on a few occasions (which happens in the military, I swear it’s not anything noteworthy in my case) and was recently diagnosed with a mild TBI. This little persnickety problem has plagued me for quite some time without a name, contributing to memory loss, lack of energy, tinnitus and vertigo. This, in turn, has really made it difficult to keep any kind of schedule on my own. What’s worse is that if I don’t write everything down, I’m liable to forget it. This has manifested in missed doctor’s appointments, birthdays, and most egregiously I have been known to agree to sessions or meet and greets only to forget them completely since I wasn’t able to write it down in a calendar. So these past few months have been dedicated to getting a handle on this and I think I’m getting much, much better. Those of you who’ve known me for a while know that I’m far too independent and headstrong to let something as trivial as a physical condition to keep me down!

Now, the bad news: I can’t seem to deal with the “new” G-Mail set up. I’m losing “verified” lists, my website domain isn’t filtering into my inbox properly, and I think someone thought they’d be funny and sign me up for a bunch of really craptastic email listservs. I’m looking into another email change, and I’m checking one or two paid email services to facilitate things a bit more economically, so give me a little leeway to that. I’m putting up an auto-reply message that just asks for some patience until I figure everything out. Any techy types who have an opinion on small business email solutions or other communication services is welcome to contact me here or privately.

But wait, there’s more! The good news is that the holiday season is here, and with it comes end-of-year special rates and hopefully a few new photo shoots. I have a few new recipes under my sleeve that I’m really looking forward to show everyone, and while I was away I was sent not one but two really interesting Ask Mag! queries. I ask for patience and promise that there are a few surprises coming up that I think will go a long way towards my forgiveness (consider it my version of sexy penance)

That’s all for now darlings. Glad to be back, here’s to another go at it!

Did you know that the dog days of summer were once considered a good thing? A time to lay back, be lazy, it was too hot to consider doing any sort of real work. Now, we think of the dog days as the bitter, humid end to a summer that isn’t exactly ended yet. 90 degree days and 70% humidity at night. Hell, when it rains it just feels sticky since there isn’t enough cold to freshen everything up.

Anyway, like the delicate flower I am, I cannot bear the mix of heat and humidity. So I’ve been desperately trying to keep from melting and doing a fairly poor job of it! So I have been curled up, in the blessed dark, fans on high and not a stitch on, reading. Oh and the things I’ve been reading! Sons of the Profits tells the (not so glamorous) tale of how my favorite city in the world began (that city, obviously, being Seattle). Good Time Girls tells the sordid story of just how integral “seamstresses” were to the growing logging and mining community in our fair city. And, just to round out my sexual education, I’ve picked up The History of Sex. There was NEVER a time where women were delicate and fainting, men were chivalrous and neutered, and no one ever talked out of turn or did “nasty” things. Let me just tell you, the Greeks, Romans, Turks, and the British have ALL done some things that would curl your nose hairs. It’s amazing.

So, what’s coming down the pipe is this: I have a very special “Ask Mag” article I’m trying to hammer out, so that might be a while, I am gleefully typing up my own short handed account of “Good Time Girls”, I think it’s time for another sexy sex toy review, and maybe a poem or two memorializing just how dewy one’s bosom can become when she is reading erotica in the summer swelter.

Just a tid bit to tide you over, my lovers and dreamers. Wish for rain!

My lovers and dreamers, guess what I did that I promised I wouldn’t do? That’s right, drop off the edge of cyber-world. What is a girl to do? Luckily, as penance I have something just daring and delicious in the works, so keep faith and hold on to your socks.

Speaking of socks! (here) that I’ve listed what I think are most if not all contingencies concerning my travel. Obviously I have nothing down dictating multi-day excursions, and the reason being I haven’t quite figured out a proper rate scale there. I would rather take into account the wheres, whys, how longs and whens before setting a number to a week or more journey. A trip to Hawaii and surrounding islands for a week is quite a different beast than a four-day slamfest in Las Vegas! (I know, because I’ve done both!)

I’m curious, my darlings, where have been your favorite vacation spots? Where would you go again, or (and here’s a fun game) pretend that money is no object: what is your dream destination? Personally, I am torn between Japan (and Okinawa) and trekking through western Europe. I do hope that one day I can tick both of those off my list, and maybe even climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in heels!

Any day now I will begin reading Mary Roach’s amazing and hilarious book, Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex along with a lovely gentleman who desires a bit of a sexy book club fantasy. I read this book when it first came out originally, and over the years I’ve bought it and given it away and re-bought it only to give it away again! It’s that good!

Since I seem to have a horrid time updating this blog (and since so many of you worry for me when I disappear, really who could ask for better friends?) I will attempt to bring up some salient points in the book, my own observations, and my personal opinions on her conclusions (hint: I don’t agree with her lock step on all issues! My specific skill set gives one a unique perspective)

How about that, darlings? If you were to follow along with me and discuss in a round robin sort of fashion, that would be just cracking! (sorry, I’ve been watching a LOT of BBC stuff lately… pish posh, tops, bloody hell, and whatnot!)

Wearing flowing skirts and blouses with absolutely not a stitch underneath! (because of the breezes, you see!)

Shuttering up her abode during the day, only to venture forth at night in the cool air! (vampire, what can I say?)

Cavorting about naked as the day I was born, in front of a fan! (With the blinds /mostly/ shut)

Can you darlings guess which one I like the best? (hint… it’s a mix of number 1 and 4, naturally)

For those of you not on my mailing list, this month is my very first attempt at an outdoor shoot! I’m not quite sure where I can get away to that won’t put me in handcuffs for bouncing around naked, but we will see! This month also notes my very first attempt at a dedicated work out schedule since the Army. I promised myself I would NEVER force myself to run again unless I was being chased by zombies, but I think I’ve found a good mix of cardio and weight lifting that will both slim down my curves to an even more pleasing ratio AND not make me want to kill my personal trainer. The heat is notorious for sapping my appetite, so the exercise regimen is also supposed to keep my food intake up at a tolerable level. It’s not uncommon for me to go days without eating more than a yogurt and an iced latte. Heat and me just don’t really go together, ya know?

So that’s the latest, sweet followers! Look forward to my next article, something just for the ladies! (I figured out that I have a not-too-small group of lady readers. How did that happen!?) I am still taking suggestions for what to write about, and my Ask Mag! page is seeing results, so look for one of those in the near future too!

Hello my lovelies! Today was a singularly beautiful day here in the Emerald City, I just had to go out and play in the sun. Which, funnily enough, gave me an idea about what to post on this blog today!

UV rays are everywhere. We all know this, right? UVA, UVB, something about renegade nucleotides or some such science-y jargon. Did you know that the sun doesn’t even have to be out to get hit with those rays? Did you also know that 15 minutes exposure to sunlight is enough to supply you with your daily vitamin D shot?

OK, I know most of you knew all of those things. What I’m more concerned about (and this post is ACTUALLY about) is that some of us are cubicle-dwellers, who wake before the sun rises and don’t even get back in our cars until dusk. We aren’t getting our daily sun shot! Sunlight has been shown to lift moods, boost energy, hell, even give your immune system a kick in the pants. The northwest is absolutely lousy with sufferers of SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Basically, some of us get depressed when the sun goes away. Get outside and soak up some feel-good juice. Ask anyone, I am a vampire night-owl. I stay up late, I detest getting my porcelain skin even the slightest bit tan, and sunlight hurts my eyes. BUT this year I have decided that every day that is full of sun shine I will go for a walk. Outside. For at least 15 minutes (that’s about a mile and a half for me). I’m one of those people who gets down in the dumps during the winter time, but I’m not going to let that happen this year!

Wear sunglasses, use sunscreen, bring yourself a water bottle. But get your keisters outside a little bit this spring, and I promise there will be a spring in your step!