Haunted.

I grew up in the middle of the woods, also known as, the place where everyone fucking dies in every scary movie, ever.

So, I never watched them.

In fact, up until college, I had only seen one scary movie my whole entire life. April Fools Day. And then, Andy tried to convince me to face my fear by watching House of 1000 Corpses. I basically didn’t sleep for 3 months, and it ruined Chris Hardwick for me.

But, I developed this weird theory that if I could just try to do the things that terrify me, it would make me immune to being scared of them.

I freak out at funerals, so I considered becoming a mortician, but it turns out, you need to be good at science even though they are already dead and you totally can’t make them re-dead if you fuck something up.

I am terrified of ghosts, so I decided to sign up for a ghost tour, only to have to cancel when I found out I was pregnant. I mean, the last thing I needed was a poltergeist sneaking in through my cervix hole and possessing the fetus so I give birth to a demon. That’s a no brainer.

But the truth is, I am not entirely sure how I feel about ghosts.

Aside from the fact that they, in theory, scare the shit out of me.

When I sit and think about them, which is often now that Weeds is over, things get murky. I’ve always assumed all ghosts are scary, but there have to be non-scary kinds, right? Like all the cool people we have known that have died? I mean, in my head, I want to believe that human life is too complex and dramatic to just be over when you die.

Not all ghosts have to be murdery, right?

Didn’t Demi more get some foreplay from dead Patrick Swayze in Ghost?

I would love to be haunted like that. Maybe ghost boys are better with clitoris’ than living boys?

My fifth year at Ohio State, I lived in an apartment all by myself. Andy had transferred back to a school in our home town, we were on this weird on and off break, and he only drove down to stay with me on the weekends.

Surprisingly, I loved living alone at first, because it meant I could take my underwear off when I walked in the front door, drink lots of beer and leave my vibrators out on the kitchen counter. But, sleeping alone in a dark house kinda freaked me out.

I remember one night waking up to find the covers pulled from my bed, which, I’ll have you know, is not how I sleep. I don’t care how fucking hot it is, that comforter is pulled up to my ears, and none of my limbs are sticking out. Those are the rules to safe sleeping, everyone knows that.

A few nights later, I awoke to the feeling of my legs once again cold and uncovered, but more importantly, as if they were being shaken from side to side. Like, something was touching my legs- OK FINE THIS SHIT JUST GOT REAL I’M CALLING MY MOM.

I moved out 3 weeks later, breaking the lease. They tried to take me to court about it, but I made my lawyer call to tell them the apartment had ghosts, and if they wanted to put a video camera in there to tape me being haunted at night, they could, but I slept naked and that would be, like, really spooky, badly shaven porn.

When my friend Megan died, I became less scared of ghosts, and more obsessed with finding out where she had gone. I read books, searched online, and even went to see psychics, just trying to get answers about where she was and if I could somehow still see or talk to her.

Andy put up with that for about 6 months until he sat me down and asked me nicely to please stop being crazy, because it was starting to make him uncomfortable, plus he saw my psychic Brenda working behind the snack bar at the Roller Skating Rink during our friend’s son’s 7th birthday party, and according to him, real psychics don’t hawk red rope licorice or skate backwards to Regulators.

From that moment on, I stopped have ghost issues.

Until we got to our Florida rental house. The first night, I woke up at 2am to pee and as my eyes were adjusting to the dark, I saw somebody standing in the doorway of my room.

Andy, oh my God, wake up!

Huh?

Listen, there is either a ghost in this house or you are about to be raped.

What?

There was a person standing in the doorway of our room and now he’s gone!

It’s dark and you were probably still dreaming.

Um no, I was dreaming about having sex with Elton from Clueless, not about a dark figure watching us sleep.

Maybe it was one of the kids sleep walking?

They are laying on the floor next to our bed, Andy.

Fine.

He got up and searched the whole house, saw no one, and with an alarm on every door and window, found absolutely nothing was disturbed.

See, it’s fine, go to sleep or pee or whatever.

Can you come with me?

Ugh, yeah I guess.

Ok can you bring the kids?

They are sound asleep.

I know, but can you, like, just hold them or something? I hate to leave them alone in the room in case it gets all Paranormal 3 up in here.

Hold all three sleeping kids while I watch you pee? No, I’m going back to bed.

So, I held it until morning and when it was finally safe to get up to pee, I ran to the bathroom to find I had started my period.

Which meant zero night peeing for the rest of the week, no matter how brave I got. Nobody looks attractive inserting a tampon. Not even to a ghost.

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My old room at my mother’s house had a ghost. My bedroom door would rattle randomly at any time of day or night. No one was doing it, the windows would be closed, no fans on, nobody slammed any door, etc… It would just rattle like crazy until you opened it.

Some other odd things would happen in there, but that by far was the most strange.

I, too, am terrified of ghosts. Except for when the ghost was my grandpa. That made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside because he was protecting us from the afterlife. But then my grandma moved out of her house, so I’m back to being scared. I refuse to look at myself in any mirror in the dark because I just KNOW I’ll see a spirit with demon eyes in my reflection. And if I even see a preview for a scary movie, I can’t be alone for the rest of the night. Somebody, a live somebody that is, better be sleeping in my bed!

your legs were being shaken BACK AND FORTH?! How the hell did you not have a heart attack? I would have.

I really want to believe in ghosts and psychic mediums and the like, but I have to experience one, for realz (no, “oh that could have been…”) before I’m 100% on that train. And the thing is, I don’t want my experience to be scary. Nope. It has to be very non-scary. Thems the rules.

How did you wait THREE WEEKS to move out of that apartment?! I mean, I don’t believe in ghosts (which I actually wrote about like three days ago…weird), but NO THANK YOU.

I have dreams that come true. I also had this thing happen to me for MONTHS when I was in my teens where I would be ALMOST asleep, and then it felt like someone was violently shaking me against my bed and making noise right in my ear and it was like there were flashing lights INSIDE my eyes. Terrifying. Also, I get terrifying night/sleep paralysis.

“I don’t care how fucking hot it is, that comforter is pulled up to my ears, and none of my limbs are sticking out. Those are the rules to safe sleeping, everyone knows that.”

YES. 100% agree. In addition to keeping my limbs covered at all times, I also used to block the area under my bed with pillows. I would set them up so they’d lean against the bed and cover the area where my feet would touch the ground in case I had to get up in the night. That way the thing living under there couldn’t grab my ankles and pull me under. Pillow force-field for the win!

Though I’m now an adult, the dark space under the bed still gives me nervous ankles sometimes. That’s totally normal, right?

Its a bit of a long story so Ill try to shorten it as much as possible. When my uncle died he did not leave his house. He died in his home. A few weeks after he died, me, my cousin (his daughter) and my mother (his sister) were sitting in the back den, which was his favorite room. In that room there was a giant chest with a tv on top of it. While the three of us were back there talking about him there was the loudest banging coming from inside the chest we had ever heard.

He also throws pictures off the wall if my aunt is walking around bitching about something. There is a stuffed Santa Claus he throws across the room anytime my aunt puts it up. My cousin’s little son has been heard talking to my uncle in the back room saying, “granddaddy” even though they never met.

Spooky is when I was babysitting my sister (me 15 and her 3) and decide to lock the house up to take a shower. I got out of the shower and started running a bath for the kid. I hear what sounds like the back door lock click and then a deep southern male voice tell me to stay in the bathroom, my sister’s eyes got big so I know it wasn’t just me that heard it. I slammed that door shut fast and started freaking out, called my mom at the bar and begged for them to come home. After getting off the phone and my sister into pj’s I decided I wasn’t going to sit in the bathroom all night. First place was to check the back door, both locks still thrown (had to undo one so parents could get in later) then searched the house…nothing. My parents get home and I told them about it, my dad, the Nam Vet Marine, looks at the backdoor locks (lots of scrapings like someone tried to pick the lock). He goes on to tell me about the guy my sister is named after, and how he died in Nam. I believe in good spirits cause he was watching out for us that day!

my husband saw a man in his grandmother’s house twice, but he was too scared to tell anyone about it. then one christmas, one of his aunts asked him if he had seen “him,” then she went on to describe the man joe saw. there’s a weird sub story that goes along with it about a neighbor girl and a ouija board that is supposed to explain the ghost’s presence. blah blah blah – that part freaks me out.

My dad has been effing with us since he passed. He haunted the people that bought their house after my mum moved, rearranged their pictures and just generally scared the crap out of them. My mum actually had a friend with, um, supernatural abilities, go and ‘guide’ him away. He then found his way to my mum’s new house, where he continued to tilt the pictures, mirrors etc. We can straighten every item on the walls in the evening, and in the morning he’s moved them all again.

My dad died when I was 2 weeks old. My mom kept seeing ghosts after that but never told me or my sister because she didn’t want to scare us. She later said she was never afraid, said she felt calm and happy, as though she somehow “knew” it was my dad watching over us. You’re thinking grieving widower, just her imagination, right? Well years later, when I was maybe 5 or 6 and my sister was 13 or 14, my mom came to us separately and asked us if we had seen anything strange or anyone in the house. My sister and I both described exactly what she had seen. *goosebumps*

Short version: I live in a home built in the early 1800s by the first free woman of color in our Parish(County) in a historic steamboat town that is filled with haunted houses. Several of us have seen my ghost…many friends who do not know each other nor did they know of my ghost’s existence have had similar experiences. All have described her, down to the clothing, identically. She likes to shift my Limoges box collection around (you can see the porcelain boxes move with no one near them) and plays around with my Mardi Gras decorations on my bannister every year. One night, a group of drunken friends was mocking the ghost, questioning her existence when suddenly a framed photo flew off of a table, across the room and landed at the feet of the ringleader, who promptly shit himself! Another party night, the date of a friend used a racial slur in a friendly debate. Suddenly, the bistro table in my kitchen was drug across the floor by NO ONE while we all freaked the fuck out! I promptly asked my friend to remove her racist prick date from my home and we all drank heavily. Over the years, my son & I have gotten used to little freaky things happening and feel like she looks out for us.

We lived in a very very old apartment above a theatre(live not movie) it was on a horrible bend on the road nicknamed dead mans curve because the many accidents. We have countless reports of happenings both in the theatre itself and the apartment upstairs. So many stories and I have witnessed several of these. We finally moved and I am thankful to say it didn’t follow us. Nuala Reilly can back me up on this!

My family lived in a house that we rented in PCB, FL. The house used to belong to an elderly lady who supposedly died in the house. Once my younger sister and I were home alone (both teenagers) and we were sitting across the kitchen table from each other talking. Suddenly, we both turn our heads to the side a the same time because we both thought we saw someone walking by the kitchen doorway. But we knew we were in the house alone. So I was like “Did you just see that too?” and she was like “Yeah!”. And then we continued our conversation like nothing happened! LOL. True story.

Paige has had “ghost friends” since she could talk. It is weird. Instead of just saying she has imaginary friends she has always called them “ghost friends”. The thing is, they would follow her wherever she went. She actually scared the crap out of my mom once. She was taking a bath and my mom walked in on her having a full on conversation with this ghost. Then Paige told her that her other friend was standing right behind her and my mom freaked out. They say that kids are more aware of ghosts than we are as adults but it was just creepy. They did seem to protect her though so I guess that was good. They seem to be gone now that she is six and I am ok with that.

Here’s my story – Back in high school, one night I decided to stay home alone and gab on the phone with my cousin. I always turned off all the house lights, locked myself up in my room, turned on the radio and the lamp and I was in for the night with the phone glued to my ear.
Out of nowhere I hear a like three light knocks on my door. That was usually my dads way of letting me know they were home. I hadn’t said anything, my cousin said “wow your parents are home early.” I was like “yup” and yelled out, “OK, I’m still awake.”
So, i keep on chatting on the phone and then like five minutes later I hear three real loud knocks on my door. My cousin says “dude, your parents might be a bit pissed or something, why don’t you call me back.” We hung up, I opened the door and was like “Yeah?”
All the lights were off. I searched the entire home and nothing. Called my mom and they were still out. All doors locked from the inside, I freaked out. I turned on all the lights and the televisions. Called my cousin back and told here no one was home. We both heard the knocking. I told her she was going to stay on the phone with me until my parents got back home. I got the biggest knife out of the kitchen, went to the “central location” in the house which was the pool table and sat there until 4am. Only to get scolded for having everything on. Parents didn’t believe me at all. HELLOOOOOO, a person not even in the same home heard the knocks! Creeeeeepy!

*Shudder* I will take movies about serial killers, monsters, and aliens over ghost’s any day. I can watch a zombie movie and to go bed. A ghost movie? I am not sleeping that night. I will not ever watch any of the paranormal activity movies because the trailer alone scared the shit out of me! I would not have spent the rest of that night in that apartment, nevermind 3 weeks!

One very early morning in November about 8 yrs ago, “Jingle Bells” starting playing on what sounded like a phonograph (which I do not own) in the corner of my bedroom (which was once the dining room). It played all the way through twice and along with the music, you could hear murmured conversations and glasses clinking. I was completely sober and wide awake. It was FREAKY!

The only good ghosts are those really cool ones that were in Dead Like Me. I like to maybe think those exist. Just kind of screwing with people. But everyone could like totally see them, they were just really unattractive. Maybe ghosts stare because they have self esteem issues?

Oh, and a really sweet old lady died in her sleep in my dads old house. Turns out every now and then you could smell old lady perfume. Like the bad kind they wore in the 50’s and stuff. Right in her chair (that they never really bothered to move). It wasn’t creepy at all. I like to think she just really liked living there and maybe wasn’t done. Sorry for the double post. I’m all ADD today.

We used to live in Oregon and we had a ghost. We named him Tom. He would open and slam the cupboards in our kitchen at like 3 am and we would have to yell, “Tom that’s enough!” and he would stop. He would also move our dining room chairs into our living room and randomly turn on the radio. Oh and he would move the dishes from cupboard to cupboard ALL the time. When we moved to California he followed us to our apartment and would just move things, not as active though. And now he is around for sure just not as much. We aren’t afraid of him and he’s never bothered us, just a bit annoying.

The house I lived in when I was 5 was haunted. Everything would go missing and then show up hours later in the same spot you left it – even tho you’d checked there 7000 times. Everyone who ever lived there had something close to them die in the house (for my family it was an owl but the people before us & after us it was a person). No matter what construction you were doing it would always get stopped by something bad happening so the money would have to be spent somewhere else. The pool would always turn green with frogs no matter what pool man came to fix it. Scary house.

Then much more recent, in my condo doors would slam in the middle of the night and my husband swears when he was sleeping on the couch someone cold touched him. We tried to talk to that one to find out what the hell they wanted and we said we’d help and then they left.