At work today, I was assigned to close down the store. A couple came in at 5 minutes before close. "Don't mind us," the girl said. "We're just browsing." That's when you know you'll have to kick somebody out. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, one of my coworkers got fired and went totally postal. He was busy thrashing around when I realized I would be the one to clean up after him. And yet he's the one who got fired. I'm dumbemployed.