Write a Forgiveness Letter, Be Happier

If we keep our hearts open and let our trust grow, of course we’re more likely to get hurt. We’re also more likely to experience life more fully, with a vibrancy that otherwise wouldn’t exist. Writing a forgiveness letter is one way to let more love into our lives by letting go of our grievances and embracing our own happiness instead.

The less anger we hold in our hearts—towards others, ourselves, or life—the more capable we are of loving the present.

Many studies point to the link between forgiveness and happiness.

In this course, one study in particular was analyzed. Participants who were hurt by a negative interpersonal experience, and were assigned to a forgiveness condition (with training in specific methods), fared better than those who didn’t receive any forgiveness training.

Anxiety levels dropped and self-esteem levels improved significantly for those participants who practiced forgiveness, compared to those who didn’t.

Writing a forgiveness letter is an effective method for retaining our own peace and happiness in the face of any wrongdoing. It’s a tool for keeping our hearts open and trusting, for love and trust are two important factors of happiness (science also shows this is so).

I know that forgiveness makes me feel grateful that I feel abundant enough to be able to forgive in the first place, and strong enough not to fuel anymore negativity

Writing a Forgiveness Letter

Writing a letter of forgiveness is a difficult exercise to begin, for it’s not always easy to let go of the anger we feel. Yet, as numerous findings show, holding on to anger and resentment hurts us more than it hurts the other person.

If it helps, think of this exercise as purely for your own good—one that will help you feel better and move forward.

This exercise, which involves three main steps, involves writing—but not sending—a letter of forgiveness.

Step 1: Recall the incident.

In this step, your task is to recall the incident that caused you harm or pain and then write about it.

Don’t spend too much time wallowing in the negative emotions that the incident evokes in you. Try to approach this step with a matter-of-fact manner. Write down details of the events that transpired, how it made you feel, and why. If the event continues to hurt you, mention why and state what you wish the person had done instead.

Step 2: Write your letter of forgiveness.

In this step, your task is to write a letter in which you first reflect on what you wrote about in Step 1, and then elaborate on the factors that might have pressured the person who wronged you to act in the way that they did.

For example, perhaps this person was going through a particularly rough time at work. Perhaps he or she was misinformed by someone else. Perhaps they were unaware of their own desire to be jealous, hurtful, or spiteful.

We all have a deep-seated desire to love and give. When others cheat us, it’s conducive to our happiness to try to empathize with why they may have felt compelled to cause hurt. What circumstances could have led them to do harm?

If people are truly, deeply happy, they won’t wish to harm anyone.

Come up with a set of explanations (on behalf of the wrong-doer) to allow you to end your letter with the following sentence, which is the final step…

Step 3: Write your closing sentence.

You first described what happened and why it hurt you. You then moved on to describing why the person may have behaved the way they did. Now, end with this sentence:

“I realize now that what you did was the best you could at that time, and I forgive you.”

This step involves achieving something known as “psychological closure,” which is a sort of mental marker that symbolizes that the event is closed, which makes it easier to move on.

Perhaps the best way to achieve the psychological closure is to print out a hard copy of letter that you wrote, seal it in an envelope, and then either burn it or throw it away.

As you do this, remind yourself, “With this act, I consider this incident closed.”

Findings show that achieving psychological closure helps lower the tendency to dwell on past hurtful events.

You’re making the choice to release your offender from the spiritual debt you feel they owe you so you can invest your energy and attention more wisely to benefit your life. You instead choose to invest in love and laughter, compassion and peace of mind. And your life will feel richer.

Writing a forgiveness letter can be a daunting task. It may be easier to try this exercise first for something which you don’t feel quite as strongly about. Starting with an “easy” forgiveness exercise might make it easier to move on to more difficult cases over time.

PLEASE NOTE: This post may contain affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission (at no additional cost to you) when you click the link and purchase. If you do, thank you for your support! Learn more.

Thank you for reading, commenting, and sharing! Please comment from a place of love; it may be exactly what someone needs to read right now. Read the comment policy.

Good to Know

Aim Happy intends to inspire and educate. This site does not serve as an alternative to professional advice or attention. I am not a doctor, psychologist, therapist, or nutritionist. Please seek professional care for serious concerns.

Share & Care

Sharing is caring. Giving proper credit when sharing images, content, and ideas is appreciated. Please seek the author's permission if you wish to copy, modify, reprint, or republish any material. Spread the love like it's your job.

Made with Love

An opportunity for happiness is often closer than we think; we might just need to shift our perceptions a little. Love each other. Love yourself. Join the love on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Keep smiling. You are loved.