The Cockpit: Hot Lesbian Sexy Action

Our Bodies, Our Shelves
Of all the book galleys that get tossed on our desks on Monday mornings—where the hell do they come from, anyway?— I was probably most stoked about “Same Sex and the City: So Your Prince Charming Is Really a Cinderella.” Hey hey! Forward-thinking urban lesbian fare with lots of girl-on-girl, written by two chicks named Lauren.

One of the writers is named Lauren Levin and for a minute I thought it was Lauren Laverne, the chick singer from one of the best bands in the world. But no. According to this Lauren’s bio, she’s a “top ad-sales junior executive at Google,” whatever the hell that means. The other author Lauren used to work at Teen Vogue. You SO know the girls get it on at Teen Vogue. This is what they look like, by the way. Stealth dykes!

Anyway, here’s my book report, dudes. Although there is a bit of hotness—baby dykes rampaging on cruise ships, NYU girls gettin’ it on—it’s somewhat less exciting than watching Gina Gershon ravage whichever Tilly gal was in Bound, though somewhat more exciting than If These Walls Could Talk 2. However: it’s the exceptional sexual politics of the book that subscribers to The Cockpit might enjoy the most.

“Most women long for commitment,” the Laurens warn. Dude! So true! And on breakups: “Rejection is hard, and for many women, it only fuels our desire for what we can’t have.” Damn right. Also? “With regard to lesbians, no hardly means no.”

And whatever “no” means to new Glamazon race, I’m also glad today’s lady-lovin’ ladies agree with me that “A basic difference between men and women is the male propensity to rank sex and sexual attraction as integral components of a relationship.” No doesn’t mean no but they don’t care what they look like. Or something.

Should the dudes check out this wee lezbo tome? Well, here’s a warning: Even the chapter by some chick named “Liza” called “I Got Hammered and Made Out with My Friend for $30 in Front of 12 Guys… Am I a Lesbian?” wasn’t that hot. Particularly because “Liza” got hammered on six shots of Absolut Kurant. No, perhaps “Liza” isn’t a lez—but she sure is a pussy.