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Cleansing power of the written word

I read a post on The Tin House today where the writer just had a little gripe about everything to get it out of her system and carry on. I am thinking that the same thing might help me.

Fell free to read no further. I am being whiny & irritating!!!

We have been living in our house for 11 years now and renovating it for 10. The previous residents lived here for 60 years and gave up doing much (including putting rubbish out any further than the garden) several decades before we got the place. The place is too small for us if I am honest but it will be better when it is all usable & not a tool store.

My husband and eldest son are both self employed so we have a constant worry of not enough work hanging over us. My other son is at college doing 'A' levels, which seem to me to to be a worry in itself. I am always waiting for him to come home and say he isn't going in any more. On top of that he wants to ride a motorbike. Just too scary to contemplate.

I work for an organisation which recently merged with two others of the same size. I have more work that I know what to do with but not so sure about job security. Does an organisation need three financial controllers???

Sadly my brother in law died recently. Aside from paying for the funeral we also need to contribute to the ongoing finances of the family until both boys have finished their national service and can get proper jobs. In fact whatever goes wrong within that side of the family it is always us that pick up the expenses. We may be comparatively rich but we are not actually rich, and this constant drain is making us poorer.

Since Christmas I have been attending chiropractor appointments to help with my neck and back, and hopefully my migraines. Migraines are much improved as is my neck but I have such pain in my lower back that I have to sit down every few hundred metres. I only have to sit for about 15 seconds but all the same it not awfully convenient. My chiropractor noticed an enlarged pituitary gland on my spine x-ray and I am currently awaiting a letter from my neurosurgeon to find out what this means, prognosis and treatment. I have found out that that pituitary glands are at the base of the brain not the base of the skull. I pictured it somewhere in my neck but apparently it is in the middle of my skull. Great. My neurosurgeon has told me not to worry, which I chose to interpret as 'its not cancerous' but maybe he just meant' what will be, will be'.

I would like to knit but the pain in my joints in my hand make any more than a row a night pretty much impossible. I have opted for knitting a bag as most people will have lost interest in a jumper long before I get to that stage.

For as many years as I can remember I have been the proud owner (mum maybe?) of two beautiful tabby cats and a cockatiel. In January Monty became ill and had to be put to sleep. I was sad to lose him but he wasn't well and it was better for him than suffering. On Easter Sunday my eldest cat, Lulu, my little baby bundle of fur for the last 15 years, had to be put to sleep after suffering a blood clot in her hip. It was all over in hours. Now my bundle is gone and I miss her like so much, especially when the human element of the household are bad tempered (three men, occasionally it happens, especially as they all know best). Previously Lulu and I would have escaped to the bedroom or garden for quiet time. Its not the same on my own. The cockatiel is loving it though, lots more free flying time instead of stuck in the cage all day, he is noisier than ever.

My husband had crash courses booked for each day of the Easter fortnight. but before the first week he was taken into hospital with chest pains and kept for some days. He still has the pain and we don't know what is causing it. He missed the first wk of crash courses because of this. The second week of crash courses he missed out on because the boiler broke down. My son had a lifeguard course at the same pool the same week but it was rearranged (at a nicer pool) because of the boiler problem. This meant we missed out on the additional income available but still had the additional expenditure! At least he passed!

The E key has leaped off my laptop and disappeared!

I am a great believer in the power of the written word. Lists stop me panicking. Blogging helps me focus. It is possible that I have actually got it all out of my system now.

Thank you for your indulgence.

Normal service should be returning shortly.

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Comments

Hello LizzieYou know, its awful when some days things just don't go the way they are meant to - it seems for you some weeks aren't going the way they are meant to BUT I'm sure it won't be this way for ever.

You're right when you talk about putting it down in black and white to see whats going on, I think it really does help so grizzle on if you have to lol

It must be hard on you knowing its a drain on your finances to support your extended family, even tho European families cling to each other for financial help its the emotional help they give to each other that's the winner. Are there no other family members living in the UK that can help out as well?

For you personally it must be hard if there is no way to relieve this stress (aching joints are stressful on their own without back pain as well) and losing both your cats has been a big blow to you. Is it too soon to think about another kitten?

I'd agree with what Cathy said about another cat. I'm honestly not being insensitive, because i know that if we lost our Jess, for whatever reason, it'd be a while before we could get another dog. They do leave a hole in your life when they pass on. However, given what you said about Lulu and you escaping when things got too much, i'd say that you still need that escape route. if you can't bear the thought of another cat, maybe think of another escape route/method that you can put into place?

HiyaYou were right, a good grizzle and I feel much better.The family are in Syria, Cathy, and just being in Europe makes us seem rich to them. Anyway we will manage, we always do.I think I could have handled a new kitten if we had got it before but I just cant face it. I wil just have to take something from the fact that the cockatiel is loving being sole pet. He is angling to get out of the cage as soon as he sees us! Today I will try to focus on being more positive!!!

Hi Lizzie - so very sorry to hear all your woes, it seems that it's been one thing on top of the next this year. Particularly you and your husband's health - I am keeping my fingers crossed that you will both be feeling loads better soon.

Regarding your lovely Lulu, have you thought about having another cat yet? I know a lot of people say it's too soon, but I know from personal experience, having lost three cats (not all at the same time!) that having a new feline friend almost straight away did really help. How about a rescue cat?

Anyway, thoughts are with you, and hope having a rant helped get things off your chest - I know it does for me!

I know its daft but Lulu just seems to be irreplaceable to me. I wasn't so bad when Monty went and previously when we lost Spot. I am trying to dwell on the fact that she had a happy life and was fit & painfree right up until the last moments. I promise to write a positive post tonight, honest!Lizzie

I copied you & put a brief rant on LJ friends-locked so my mother couldn't read it ~ we were burgled twice within 24 hours & had stock taken. Despite the fact that I have other dogs, I miss my huge klutzy, skanking Wolf. I love my big dogs & she's the 3rd big dog I've lost (had taken) since I moved here. The fact that her favourite PiriPup disappeared with her, gives a little relief, but I WANT MY WOLF BACK!

I hope that a new fluffy companion finds a way into your heart at some point in the future

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