Submissive's Guide to Giving Head

Although most of us know how to give a good blow job, there are certain things you can do to bring your submission into your technique. Try one or try all, but giving head will never be the same.

I’m assuming that if you're actually reading this, you know how to give a blowjob. The basics are, well, basic. Insert A into B, wrap your lips, watch your teeth, and use your hands and tongue. Things we all learned about in locker rooms or slumber parties years ago. But if you’re submissive, or think you might like to be, there are some things you might want to add to your oral sex technique that can help with that dynamic.

First and foremost, if you want to be submissive while giving head, then you have to be submissive. It sounds silly, given the topic, I know, but it’s something we sometimes forget. If you want to be a sub, you must hand over control. That means get on your knees and let him take the lead in all manners: depth, tempo, and pace. This can be hard to do, particularly with something like oral sex, where you are used to doing the work, but it's the key to submission and it’s not any different with giving head.

There are many ways to let him be dominant, but the most obvious is to let him move. Whether it’s letting him thrust into your mouth, fucking your face, or having him move your head up and down on his cock, give him the control. I like my Sir to grab a hold of my hair, using it to move me where he wants me. Plus it allows him to manipulate my placement and movements, whether it’s holding me in place or pushing and pulling my head, it’s up to him where my mouth goes.

Giving him this control can sometimes lead to gagging. And I know there’s mixed feelings out there; some women love it and some women hate it; but gagging can be a real turn on to your guy (just make sure you don’t throw up on him, although I do know a few guys who really dig that). But if you are receptive to the idea, it can really add to the experience. If your guy is well endowed, you can place your hand around the base of his cock to keep him from pushing you too far and making you vomit. But if you want to give gagging a chance, don’t cheat yourself out of the experience by underestimating what you can handle.

Get sloppy. A good blowjob isn’t always pretty. It’s wet, it’s rough, and it’s sloppy. Your mouth will naturally salivate while you’re going down on him, and you should learn how to not swallow that spit. The more that’s on his cock, the better it feels. Let it pour out; drip from between your lips and onto his cock and balls. There’s no such things as too much spit because it can be a great lube during head. And if you notice that you’re drying up a little bit, causing your lips to drag or other mishaps, then here’s a little secret; push yourself down on his cock, gagging a little. Your body’s reflex from the gag will make you produce more saliva, creating an instant fix for dry mouth.

Perhaps the most important thing… Enjoy it! If you like what you’re doing and it turns you on, then it’s going to be enjoyable for your partner as well. If you are submissive, then most of these will fall into place. If you are thinking that you’d like to try and see how the sub shoe fits, pick one and try it out. But if it’s turning you on, then you can bet that it turns him on as well.

And remember, if you are dabbling in any aspect of BDSM, make sure that you have discussed limits with your partner and have a safe word in place. If you think your mouth will be filled with cock and you won’t be able to say your safe word, implement a hand sign that singles you need to stop. And make sure that you only play with a partner you trust.