Despite Tiger Woods's assurance that dashing young sports stars drive Buicks, all most buyers know about hip is the pain of replacement surgery. Buick is tasked with erasing from our collective memory a decade of skippering loathsome rental Centurys. Enter the portholed Lucerne, a car removed from the atrocities of decades past that painted the marque as one to avoid like Chinese toothpaste, but far enough removed? The Lucerne is bigger than the Chrysler 300, has an optional V-8, and offers heated and cooled front bucket seats—all the better for flare-ups—but it's still an outdated front-driver that's about as engaging as The Price Is Right would have been with Rosie at the helm.