Alright, I know I've disappeared a lot lately. That's my fault. I've been working two jobs and not modeling nearly as much lately. I did a shoot last night, images to appear on codewear clothing's website modeling their gear.. I admit it. I've been busy. I'm also happy.

@madilynn, yea lady I hear the crickets too. For what it's worth, I think your awesome and worthy of the status. Site interaction does play a role in selection. Your a very gorgeous woman & I don't get it. There is something missing. I hope you can find it! Wishing you the best! Big Skrappy Hugs!

So the new job is in insurance... I'm the new director of marketing for an agency! I love the job, I'm just hoping my pay reflects my value. I know the agency is just getting off the ground so my boss can't pay me beyond his means, but having a first class ticket to this ride, so long as its a long... Read More

I'm so frustrated! My boss isn't paying me near enough... it's like having a hobby that pays out... very badly. It isn't even enough to cover my monthly bills, so I have to keep dancing for now.. The last couple of months were rough in StL for dancing, but they're starting to get better. Hopefully things get easier soon!

ok... So I guess I've finally hit a point in my life where my choice of employment is.. Accepted?

I started working in St Louis again about a mont ago, out at Penthouse. I'm doing fairly well, making good money, relaxing and bopping around and having fun. About a week and a half ago my mother confronted me about dancing... She says she... Read More

Thanks for your support.. <3 It's crazy to think over a decade ago I met someone so special, so amazing... and he was taken away. I'm just really glad I kept those letters, and I found them, and I'll keep them always...

It always sucks to lose someone you love, it'll always hurt. I've found that the best way is to never forget them. I lost my first girlfriend to cancer a few years ago (i wasn't with her at the time, hadn't been for 3 years at least, and hadn't seen her for almost 1 year), but never kept any real keep sakes, other than my memories of her. Had - when we were together- a picture of me holding her on her bed; but stupidly tore it up, and completely regret it now. I know that the day before she passed, i wanted to text her; One of the "Girls" that i worked with was leaving to become a nurse - reminding me of her and her mum (who was a carer). I never had a chance to say goodbye to her (think our last chat was how she was coming down to Southend to see another mate and how we'd have to meet up; the 3 of us). She's someone I miss, and always shall, not a day goes past where i don't think about her. Thinking of you at this time @madilynn

This is going to sound crazy, but I like it. I like who I am, how sure I am of my core values and principles, how certain I am that I am a good person (though eccentric and sometimes impulsive) and deserve the good things in life that come to me.

I have always been assertive and open... I've learned a lot over the years. I've learned what I want, and what I don't want. I have a new perspective on what's important to me and what's not. At the end of the day, I want to be able to come home and climb in bed and be held and know that I'm loved. That's it. That's enough. With that, I want to know that I'm loved regardless of the modeling, the dancing... everything. That I'm loved for who I am precisely, not someone I have to pretend to be. I can look back at the things we fought about, the arguments and lies we told each other... I don't see any of it as having any baring on anything moving forward. My biggest fear is losing what I have now, but I know I can't be happy stuck in limbo either... not forever. I keep waiting and hoping that there will be some great sign to tell me there's something better and I deserve it... but these days, really, I have no complaints except the undetermined state of these emotions.

Go for it. If you're waiting for life to have some certainty, you'll be waiting forever, because with all of the different people involved in our lives, nothing's ever really certain. If you think exes are exes for a reason, maybe that reason was that he hadn't grown up yet. We regret more the things we didn't do, than the things we did.