Useful Notes / Houston

aka: Greater Houston

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Houston is the fourth-largest city proper in the United States and the largest in the famously large state of Texas (though the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex is the larger metropolitan area overall). It is also the largest city in the American South. And while Texas is culturally distinct compared to the rest of the region, Houston is perhaps the most "traditionally" Southern city in the state. Once upon a time, it was even the capital of the Republic of Texas, but that didn't last long. It has many nicknames, amongst them "the Bayou City", as the bayous are a major feature of the city, and it was founded at what was allegedly the head of navigation of Buffalo Bayou, "Space City" (this one actually appeared on police cars once, due to the fact that NASA's Johnson Space Center is located in the city near Clear Lake), and "Magnolia City" (almost exclusively in pre-World War I documents). It's also famous for its oil tycoons and unforgiving climate.

For much of its history, Houston was quite small and unimportant. In fact, nearby Galveston was more important and larger for a long time. After Galveston was torn apart by a hurricane, the focus shifted to the more inland city of Houston, especially after the coming of oil. Despite the discovery of oil, Houston remained a smaller, lesser-known city up until after World War II when one of the greatest revolutions in demographic shifts brought about by technology happened: the "Air-Conditioning Revolution." This is not a joke. The coming of air conditioning made the once inhospitable Western and Southern climates of the United States more welcoming, and a massive population shift took place, as people moved from the Rust Belt to the Sun Belt. Houston subsequently exploded like a weed, and it, along with other Sun Belt cities like Los Angeles and San Jose rose to prominence as some of the largest cities in the country. Houston spread in all directions, eventually surrounding some cities that incorporated to avoid annexation. These cities became enclaves, cities surrounded by the entirety of the city of Houston (this is common for other major cities in Texas as well). Despite being independent, these enclaves are really nothing more than self-important neighborhoods, and could largely be considered apart of Houston, except they aren't on paper. This has lead to controversy, as many of these enclaves, in both Houston and elsewhere, are some of the whitest, richest cities in not just Texas but the entire country. Discussing the merits of their existence leads to unpleasantness. The City of Houston has been so kind as to document its unbelievably rapid growth for us here.

Interestingly, it also has the largest collection of skyscrapers in Texas, including the tallest building outside a central business district, the Williams Tower. It also has probably the most spread out skyline in the entire United States, owing to the fact that it is the largest city in the country without formal zoning laws. This is not a historical accident. It's been said that Social Security is the third rail of American politics, but that doesn't hold a candle to Houstonians' reaction to zoning proposals. More than one political career has been suddenly ended by embracing proposals that, while not zoning in themselves, could have led to it. This has led to a skyline that is more expansive than Los Angeles'note the Uptown Area by itself, home to the Williams Tower, is home to more than 23 million square feet of office space and is bigger than the downtowns of Los Angeles, Denver, or Pittsburgh, but less dense than Chicago and New York City. This has also, unfortunately, led to one of the most infamous cases of urban sprawl in the country, with suburbs spread out for miles in every direction. Much of the area (and by much, we mean all) north and west of the city remains unincorporated, mainly because of Texas' extraterritorial jurisdiction (ETJ) laws, thus placing it all effectively within the city of Houston, and making it so Houston doesn't have to annex it. Recently, a large area to Houston's north, The Woodlands, has been trying to incorporate. Houston has been amazingly conciliatory (probably due to messy annexation fights when Houston consumed the master planned communities of Clear Lake City and Kingwood), but Woodlands residents have been hit with sticker shock and this may not happen.

Houston also has a very active sports scene with pro teams in almost every major American league (except hockey). Houston is home to the Houston Texans of the NFL, the Houston Astros of Major League Baseball, the Houston Rockets of the NBA, and the Houston Dynamo of Major League Soccer. There used to be a different NFL team in the city once upon a time, the Houston Oilers, but the team left town for Tennessee in the late 90s (kind of a sore topic for native sports fans, so bring this up at your own risk). Houston also has two major college athletic programs: the University of Houston Cougars and the Rice University Owls. Overall, major successes of Houston based sports teams have been few and far between. While both the Rockets and the Dynamo won two championships each, and the (now defunct) Houston Comets of the WNBA were that league's first dynasty, the Astros have made the World Series only twice (first in 2005 which saw them swept by the Chicago White Sox in four games, and again in 2017 against the LA Dodgers which saw them win in game 7), and the Texans have never made it to the conference championship game, let alone the Super Bowl. The Rice baseball team at least has made the playoffs for over two consecutive decades but has only won a championship in 2003. This has led some to characterize the city's teams as hapless, although it's not for the lack of trying. Houston has had a very impressive list of players play for its teams, like Hakeem Olajuwon, Clyde Drexler, Tracy McGrady, Yao Ming, and James Harden for the Rockets; Nolan Ryan, Craig Biggio (whose entire career was spent here), and Jeff Bagwell for the Astros; Andre Johnson and J.J. Watt for the Texans; Ken Stabler, Bruce Matthews, Earl Campbell, and Warren Moon for the Oilers; Brian Ching and Brad Davis for the Dynamo and Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler were the biggest-name members of the Phi Slama Jama Cougars era.

Houston also has a proud history with its stadiums. The Astros' Minute Maid Park and the Texans' NRG Stadium both have retractable roofs (which tend to remain closed due to Houston's notorious summer humidity). Obviously, any talk about Houston sports has to include the Astrodome. Billed as the "Eight Wonder of the World" and opened in 1965, it was the first domed stadium in the world and gave rise to the use of artificial turf in baseball and football. Nowadays, the Dome sits vacant next to the larger NRG Stadium and any discussion about its future will yield a heated debate. Rounding out the sports venues are the Rockets' Toyota Center, the Dynamo's BBVA Compass Stadium, the University of Houston's TDECU Stadium, and historic Rice Stadium.

From the way people drive, one might assume that street racing is a popular participator sport amongst the populace. The reality is that in Houston proper, an officer issuing a speeding ticket is likely to get run over by another speeder, and as such, the local police don't even bother anymore. This is not true in the suburbs, though, and some of them are speed traps out of nightmares. Despite this (or maybe because of it), traffic in Houston is infamously bad, and its best to avoid the expressways during certain times of the day. The beltway is usually clear though (if you don't mind paying a toll). Mass transit wise, Houston seems to be severely lacking for a city its size, although steps have been made to rectify this. A light rail system was built in 2003 and expanded in 2015 while the bus system has gotten overhauled a few times over the years as well. Still, Houston is still a car and highway city by far.

Entertainment wise, the city's major theme park, Six Flags AstroWorld, was closed in 2005 after years of poor maintenance and declining attendance. There are smaller amusement centers in nearby Galveston and Kemah, but you'll have to drive on over to San Antonio or Dallas if you want to hit up a full blown amusement park.

Cultural wise, the city does have resident companies in each of the performing arts, and has some interesting takes on art: it's pretty much the art car capital of at least America. The city has a notable music scene, at least amongst rap and hip hop fans. Tejano music also rocketed to international fame here. Also, the city is fairly well known for its rodeo, the largest such event in the world. Those who know the city's history, though, find this amusing: Houston was never a cow town—it traded in cotton before Spindletop. After Spindletop, oil was its stock in trade and has pretty much remained so ever since, despite efforts to branch out into other sectors such as banking (the banks got bought out), aerospace (there's not as much money here as you'd think), and medicine (actually, those efforts have seen some moderate success).

When New Orleans sank beneath the waves during Hurricane Katrina in 2005, Houston provided shelter for the bulk of the refugees. A number of them stayed. (And, because quite a few of them were … shall we say … rather hefty, Houston has now surpassed "N'awlins" as the fattest per capita city in the U.S.) Houston got hit by its own hurricane — Hurricane Rita — about a month after Katrina, but the damage was nowhere near as bad. 12 years later, however, they got hit with a far more devastating hurricane, Harvey.

Media-wise, there's little set in Houston, and in fact, of the top five largest cities in the United States, it is probably the least publicized, with cities less than half its size (Miami, San Francisco, New Orleans, etc.) getting more screen time, but it does have the nation's oldest public television station, KUHT.

It's named after Sam Houston, one of the leaders of the Texas Revolution and the Republic of Texas' first president. He was Tennessee's governor before he moved to Texas just before the fighting broke out. Houston (the place) was also briefly the capital, until it was moved to Austin.

Downtown is Houston's Central Business district. Located smack dab in the middle of the Greater Houston Area, it is bounded on all sides by large expressways that are always clogged with traffic. The Historic Center of the city, the oil boom led to a smorgasbord of skyscraper construction. Unfortunately, the 1980s oil bust and subsequent recession hit Houston like a sack of bricks, ending most large scale construction and ending the city's dreams of surpassing Chicago or New York. Now the area is trying to reinvent itself as a city center, with entertainment and residential housing. Notable neighborhoods include:

Houston Skyline District - Where all those awesome skyscrapers are located. Generally seen as Houston's most recognizable feature, most of its tallest buildings are there. Also here is the Houston tunnel system, a subterranean mall that connects most of the skyscrapers.

Historic District - The historic center of the city where the original city hall was built. Is now pretty much home to a bunch of unsightly, and short, government office buildings, with the occasional historic structure. Pretty much Houston's equivalent to Los Angeles's Civic Center

Main Street Square - built around the Metrorail station of the same name and a Macy's department store. Is home to a brand new, huge shopping mall, called the Houston Pavilions, and thriving nightlife.

Sports and Convention District - If there's a major event downtown, chances are it's happening here. Anchored by the George R. Brown Convention Center and the adjacent Discovery Green, this area is also home to Houston's pro baseball, basketball, and soccer teams; Minute Maid Park, the Toyota Center, and BBVA Compass Stadium respectively. Watch out for rampant construction as hotels and condos are popping up around these venues like crazy!

Houston Theater District - This is where it's at! This area is home to a resident company in every major art discipline, including the Symphony orchestra. As the name implies, it's home to theaters, but also performing arts centers, hotels, and the new Bayou Place Entertainment complex. We even managed to squeeze an Aquarium in there.

Katy Area

The area that makes up the extreme west of the Greater Houston region, it straddles the Katy Freeway (Interstate 10). Has grown into one big majority white suburb. Most of the area is in Houston but not of it (it's in the city's extraterritorial jurisdiction but has not been annexed). Communities include:

Katy - One of the few incorporated cities besides Houston in the area. Was a small railroad town once, but the railroad has moved on to greener pastures and it rarely gets rail traffic at this point. Is the last thing you will see in the Greater Houston area going westward. Is most well known for being home to the Katy Mills Mall, one of the premier shopping centers in the Houston Area. Ticks off Houston for existing and cutting off western growth. Houston got them back by surrounding them with its ETJ and thus cutting off their growth period.

Fulshear - One of the newer established communities in the area, having been founded in 1977, it is riding the wave of urban growth that Houston has wrought and cutting them off from yet more land grabbing.

Energy Corridor - one of the major urban centers for Houston's spread out skyline, it lines Interstate 10 all the way up to the Beltway. Its all in Houston, though some of it is only limited annexation note Which means it's in Houston, yet not really. Houston gets the tax money and the right to say they own it, but don't have to provide services, like police. Is called the Energy Corridor because it is home to a lot of Energy related (read oil) companies, including BP America (now you know where you can go to protest someone), ConocoPhillips, ExxonMobil and Shell Oil Company. Unless you're an admirer of modern skyscraper architecture or are just passing through to get to all the fun stuff, then the best thing to do around here is go to one of the truly huge parks located here (and by huge, I mean they are, together, the largest urban parks system outside the national park system): George Bush Park and Bear Creek Pioneers Park.

Westwick - A neighborhood on the north side of the Energy Corridor that has several nice houses.

Nottingham Forest - A major suburb along Memorial that is in close proximity to the Energy Corridor.

Nottingham - Sister neighborhood to Nottingham Forest.

Wilchester - Another major Energy Corridor suburb.

Wilchester West - Sister neighborhood.

Yorkshire - Another neighborhood.

Gaywood - Another.

Rustling Pines - Another..

Autumn Oaks - Another...

Fonn Villas - Another....

Tealwood - Another.....

Frostwood - Another......

Memorial Plaza - Another!

Memorial Bend - And another!

Country Village - Annnnndddd another!

Thornwood - Another....

Fleetwood - At the west end of the Energy Corridor, before Hwy 6.

Barker's Landing - Sister neighborhood to Fleetwood.

Ashford South - Another suburb south of Buffalo Bayou, but with smaller housing.

Ashford Forest - Sister neighborhood to Ashford South.

Westwind - Another one.

West Hampton - And one more...

West Oaks - Community just south of the Energy Corridor; contains the West Oaks Mall..

Briar Village - Yet another suburb, but in a slightly questionable state.

Windmill Villas - Apartment area south of West Oaks Mall.

Westbend - South of the Energy Corridor, north of the Westpark Tollway.

Oak Park Ridge - North of Westbend.

Finlaywest Oaks - Part of this area.

Oakpark Place - Another part of the area.

Forestview - Another!

Clayton Oaks - Another!

Clayton - West of Westbend.

Clayton North - Northern extension of the area.

Clayton Woods - Another part of it.

Clayton Greens - Getting repetitive?

Traditions at Clayton Park - Zzzz

Timbergate - Part of the area.

Wingate - West of Clayton.

Windgate - Same as Wingate.

Westheimer Place - West of Wingate.

Crestwater - Gated community at the west of the area that contains Wingate.

Great Oaks - Suburb neighborhood south of the Westpark Tollway.

West Oaks Village - West of Great Oaks.

Twin Oaks Village - Sister neighborhood of West Oaks Village.

Cinco Ranch - Boring white rich suburb east of Katy. Moving on...

Kingsland - Another one...

Galveston Bay Area

The Galveston Bay Area or just the Bay Area, is the region immediately surrounding the Galveston and its offshoot, Trinity Bay. Ironically, the region includes little of Houston and doesn't include any part of the city of Galveston itself. The area on the Eastern side of the bay is rural and almost entirely undeveloped, while the Western side of the bay is where everyone can be found living on top of each other. Unlike Tokyo Bay, there are very few port facilities found on the Bay itself. This area can basically be divided up into Four sub-regions: "East Houston", Clear Lake Region, the Galveston County Region and the Eastern Shore.

"East Houston" is not part of Houston at all; they are a collection of towns and cities, large and small, that separate Houston from the bay. Though they aren't part of Houston, they are really just in denial, especially Pasadena, as they have largely merged with the growing city. Cities and communities in the East Houston area include:

Pasadena - Largest city in the Greater Houston Area (that isn't named Houston). Was named after Pasadena, California by its founder because he found the climate here similar to the climate there. Is sometimes conflated with Houston because the two are literally joined at the hip. Took part of Clear Lake from Houston and closed the city off from the bay via the south. Known for being poorer than most of Houston's suburbs, except for the Clear Lake area, for having massive industrial parks near the shipping Canal and for having a notorious history of corruption. Only a small part of the city touches the bay.

Deer Park - Located between La Porte and Pasadena, notable for its huge oil refineries, a primarily white, middle working class makeup, and...not much else.

La Porte - Despite the name, there is no port here (It is extremely close to Morgan's point, mentioned below, and it's hard to tell when you leave one and enter the other if you work the BC Terminal). The only thing of note about this working class community is that the San Jacinto Monument, the World's tallest monumental column, even surpassing the Washington Monument, is located nearby and can be seen from Interstate 10.

Morgan's Point - A small bedroom community that used to be a resort town and retreat for Houston's wealthy. Now, not so much. Sits at the mouth to the Houston shipping canal, it is home to the Barbours Cut Terminal, a huge shipping container complex for the nearby ports and the only thing keeping this little town relevant.

Shoreacres - A small community located just south of La Porte, along the coast of the Bay. One of the wealthier towns in this area, and almost entirely white.

South Houston - If there is any city that needs to stop existing and just join Houston already, its this one. South Houston is very small, very poor community sandwiched between Houston and Pasadena, there was, at one point, a North Houston almost directly opposite this one, but it generally doesn't exist anymore.

The Clear Lake Area is a cluster of communities in the area of Clear Lake, Clear Creek, Taylor Lake, and Galveston Bay. These communities are typically known for three things: NASA, wealth, and white people. Got that? Cities and Communities in the Clear Lake Area:

Clear Lake City - A master-planed community that is pretty much a text book definition of suburbia. When anyone remembers this area, its usually to bring up the fact that there was a nasty annexation fight when Houston decided to take it back in the 70s. The fight failed, and most of the community was annexed by Houston. The remainder was annexed by the city of Pasadena, though its a relatively small portion. One of the largest master planned communities in Houston. The Johnson Space Center is located here as well. Interestingly, while still composed of a mostly white population, Clear Lake City also has a notable concentration of Asians, both Eastern and Indian. This is likely due to many either working as or having descended from NASA employees.

Nassau Bay - A more upper class, majority white bedroom community located across the street from the Johnson Space Center along Clear Lake.

Webster - Located next to Nassau Bay and Clear Lake City, is known for nothing in particular except being small and riding on the coattails of the nearby Space Center.

Kemah - A small community located on both Clear Lake and the Galveston Bay. Has become well known in the Houston Area thanks to its famous Kemah Boardwalk and is a popular tourist destination.

League City - Largest city in this sub-region (not counting Houston and Pasadena, which administer Clear Lake), is primarily in Galveston County, with a small portion in Houston's Harris County. Like much of the Clear Lake region, very wealthy, and overwhelmingly white. Pretty much a large suburb of Houston.

Seabrook - Located directly across Clear Lake from the city of Kemah, and with a shore on Galveston Bay. Not as wealthy as other areas of the Clear Lake Area, but just as White all the same. Has a large boating community.

Taylor Lake Village - The richest community in the entire Clear Lake Area, and possibly the entire Galveston Bay Area (and one of the whitest too), is pretty much a hideout for the wealthy.

El Lago - A small mostly white community that has a unique claim to fame: it was one of the hideouts for famous pirate captain Jean Lafitte, a hero of the Battle of New Orleans from the War of 1812.

Clear Lake Shores - A community so small, it really has no purpose other than to be another rich white community. How many does that make now?

The Galveston County sub-region, not including Galveston, is poor, crime ridden and really not a place one would choose to live, excepting a few select communities. This area includes all of Galveston County outside of the Clear Lake Area and the city of Galveston. Cities and communities in Galveston county include:

Texas City - The largest city in this part of the region, with a rather presumptive name. Is pretty much Flyover Country for people on their way to Galveston. Mostly remembered for its massive refinery complex, one of the largest abutting the bay. Oh, and the entire city blew up once.

Bacliff - an unincorporated area that has fallen on hard times and is pretty indicative of this sub-region, a regular Wretched Hive. Known for a spectacular inability to incorporate itself, the community is wracked with crime and poverty, and has a very unusually high number of registered sex offenders

San Leon - Another Unincorporated area that has fallen on hard economic times and is relatively lower class. Tried to incorporate with Bacliff and the now largely nonexistent community of Bayview to form one large city, but this proved to be an Epic Fail

Dickinson - A city known for primarily being a reasonable place to live compared to its compatriots in Galveston County

La Marque - AKA, that area that isn't part of Texas City (for some reason), but is no better off for it.

Bayou Vista - A small town of less than 2,000 people, but better off than the rest of the towns in its immediate area

Tiki Island - A small village that doesn't even push 1000 people. Is also the most well off area in this sub-region. Go figure.

Hitchcock - A smaller city that is a bit of a kleptomaniac: if one actually looked at a map of it, you would think it was pretty large. Nope, it just annexed a lot of land. The city itself doesn't make 10,000 people. Just as poor as its neighbors.

Santa Fe - not to be confused with the New Mexican city of the same name, this small city is slightly better off than its neighbors, and just as white as them as well.

The Eastern Shore is the least populated area, home to lakes, swamps, marshes. That's it. Cities and Communities on the Eastern Shore include:

Baytown - The other largest city in the Greater Houston area not named Houston, is located across the bay from everywhere else. When leaving or exiting Houston via East Freeway, this is first (or last thing) you pass through. Nothing to see here but oil refineries and a bridge.

Beach City - located not far away from Galveston, it is far away from any ocean, or the Gulf of Mexico for that matter. Was pretty much created so it wouldn't join Baytown. There is also no real beach there, so you better get on to Galveston.

Anahuac - A small rural community far from Houston, notable for being close to bankruptcy.

Sugar Land Area

Centered around the city of Sugar Land, the Sugar Land area has no real set geographical boundaries, unlike many of the other regions of Houston. Roughly, it is everything outside of the Beltway, South of Westpark Tollway, and west of Fort Bend Parkway (and not in Houston). Home to some of Houston's nicest suburbs, it represents the area that marks the last thing you see of Greater Houston going towards Victoria, Texas and Corpus Christi. Much of the area has already incorporated and is thus out of Houston's reach, much to the city's chagrin. Houston Neighborhoods and independent cities in the area include:

Sugar Land - One of the largest cities in the Greater Houston Area, its is also one of the wealthiest and fastest growing as well, and is at least important enough to get its own upscale mall (that's when you know your important, when you get a mall.) Used to be a company town run by Imperial Sugar, who had a huge sugar refining operation there, hence the name. This lasted until the 1950s, when the city finally established a municipal government instead of joining Houston, and the city lost what made it so unique in the first place. Nowadays, the city is the very definition of Cutand Paste Suburb. Hell, more than half the current city is master planned communities (which its county, Fort Bend County, leads the nation in) and its poised to annex even more. Pretty sure Houston regrets not annexing the little town earlier.

Greatwood - Large Master-Planned Community (get used to hearing about these) to the south of Sugar Land. Destined to join Sugar Land in the near future.

New Territory - is pretty much in the same rut as nearby Greatwood: large master - planned community on the verge of being annexed by Sugar Land

Mission Bend - one of the few unincorporated Areas in Houston's ETJ, thus maintaining Houston's link to Fort Bend county, a majority White suburb (as if there is any other kind around here)

Four Corners - Same as Mission Bend, but with a weirder name

Grand Mission - Another suburb.

Meadows Place - Originally just Meadows, this is yet another example of a city could just join Houston tomorrow and no one would notice. Was in the ETJ of nearby Stafford, but, like so many other cities that will be called out here, incorporated to avoid joining Houston. Has less than 5,000 people.

Missouri City - One of the most weirdly named areas in all of Greater Houston, and for this region, that is saying something. Started as a major railroad hub, and like so many other communities in Houston, it scrambled to incorporate to avoid annexation (a running theme around here). Is interestingly possibly one of the few Houston suburbs to experience large scale White Flight; as middle class Blacks moved into the area, middle and upper class whites packed up and left. Now, the community is mostly middle class African American (finally, some variety).

Fonmeadow - A neighborhood in north Missouri City that is inside the Beltway.

Fondren Park - Another neighborhood near Fonmeadow.

Sienna Plantation - A prime example of real life irony, it is a majority white upper class suburb, situated on land that was once home to numerous plantations (hence the name), and is in the ETJ of Missouri City, a majority Black city. Wrap your head around that.

Stafford - Originally a plantation owned by a William Stafford, this city, despite its small size, incorporated in the fifties before Sugar Land. Sandwiched between Houston and Missouri City, one gets the impression that it exist just because. Is actually quite ethically diverse, being a mix of Whites, Blacks, and Asians. Despite being a suburb of Houston, more people actually work here than live here, if you can believe it.

Rosenberg - A small town located in Fort Bend County that really isn't just a Cutand Paste Suburb. The last thing you will see going out of the Greater Houston Area going towards Victoria (of any consequence). Still overwhelmingly white though.

Cumings - Community north of Richmond.

Kingdom Heights - NOT Kingdom Hearts, this is a neighborhood near Cumings.

Richmond - not to be confused with Richmond Virginia. A small town that literally straddles Rosenberg, one wonders why they don't merge into one city. During Reconstruction, there was a major "war" largely centered here between Democrats and Reconstructionists put in power by Blacks. The city had a single mayor from 1949 to 2012, Hilmar Moore, possibly the longest serving public official in the history of the United States.

Richmond Landing - On the north end of town.

Edgewood - In the same area.

Pecan Grove - Master-planned community northeast of Richmond.

Pitts - One of the sub-communities.

Plantation Meadows - Another.

Rio Vista - Another.

The Greens - Another..

Plantation Place - Another one.

Waterside Estates - Another north of the Grand Parkway

Bradford Park - Few minutes north of Pecan Grove.

Texana Plantation - Community outside of west Pecan Grove.

Goldenrod Estates - Another.

Royal Estates - Another.

Long Meadow Farms - Another.

Pine Hill Ranchettes - The northernmost part of the area.

Southwest Houston

A large amorphous area that includes a large swath of Houston, it is a perfect summarization of Houston as a whole: you have got wealthy well to do areas, poorer, crime ridden areas, and everything in between. Separating downtown from the Katy and Sugar Land Areas, Southwest Houston includes the following neighborhoods:

Uptown - Also called the Galleria Area, if there is an area every visitor to Houston visits just once, it's Uptown. Uptown Houston is a large commercial district (so large in fact that it rivals and even surpasses many downtown areas in size, hell it rivals downtown Los Angeles and is the 17th largest business district in the United States!) centered on Houston's premier shopping mall, the Galleria. The Houston Galleria is the largest shopping mall in Texas and eighth largest in the United States, and is ritzy as all hell, but it is just one component in what is essentially the Beverly Hills of Texas (except actually part of the city it is mostly associated with). High Class is the name of the game here and everything about this area caters to it. Oh and did we mention the size of the skyline? Really, this is the most spread out component of Houston's skyline bar none, straddling almost the entirety of the 610 Loop from Southwest Freeway to Interstate 10 though it lacks the thick skyscraper buildup of downtown, at least, for now. The most recognizable structure, visible from almost anywhere in Greater Houston, is the Williams Tower, tallest building outside any Central Business district when it was built and a behemoth that literally towers over everything around it. All in all, this area has done pretty good for a neighborhood that, up to the 1960s, was nothing but farmland.note Westheimer Road is also known as FM - Farm to Market Road - 1093. Nobody thinks this is ironic.

West Oaks - Not to be confused with the mall area around George Bush Park, this is a small gated community.

Tanglewood - One of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the entire city, this is just west of West Oaks and northwest of the Galleria.

Pine Shadows - A sister neighborhood of Tanglewood.

Briargrove - A deed community west of Tanglewood

Briarcroft - South of Tanglewood

St. George Place - A rather pleasant townhouse community south of Briarcroft

Larchmont - A small neighborhood south of St. George Place that has seen a few problems, but is undergoing gentrification.

Charnwood - A small area west of Briargrove.

Briarbend - Sister neighborhood to Charnwood.

Briarmeadow - South of Charnwood and Briarbend, a rather pleasant place to live.

Hammersmith - Townhouse neighborhood.

Richmond Strip - Runs on Richmond Ave between Westchase and the southern end of Uptown. Became a major club scene for a while, but has lost that title to Washington Ave in the Heights and started falling on hard times, though a Dave & Buster's and a few new restaurants are still on the Strip.

Alief - A huge community separating the Katy Area from the Sugar Land Area. Most of Alief is in Houston, but portions of it are still in Harris County's unincorporated area, though, they are in Houston's ETJ, so they might as well be part of Houston anyway. Ending at Westheimer Road in the north, it is the large area of Southwest Houston that is outside the Beltway. Like many areas of Houston, it suffered from white flight in the 70s as Whites moved out to get away from Blacks, who were trying to get away from Mexicans. Later, large amounts of Asians from China, India, Pakistan, Vietnam, Cambodia, Korea, Taiwan, the Philippines, Japan, Laos, and Indonesia also settled here. In some places you can even find dual language signs. Unfortunately, all these demographics changes led to an increase in Poverty and Crime as well, which afflict the area to this day. Like so many areas of Houston, it fought annexation, but Houston said "Gotcha, Bitch!" and consumed most of it.

Royal Oaks Country Club - By far the most upscale of the Alief neighborhoods due to being a gated community north of the Westpark Tollway/Alief-Clodine Rd and directly adjacent to Westchase's western border. Originally an airpark, this is one of the wealthiest communities in the city.

Belknap Acres - Area adjacent to some of the Sugar Land area at the very southern end of Alief.

Huntington Village - Neighborhood at the south of Alief.

Phesant Run - At the west of Alief.

Imperial Point - A neighborhood in east Alief

Glenshannon - Another one in east Alief.

Keegans Glen - In south Alief.

Westchase - One of the centers of Houston's skyline, along with Downtown, Uptown, and the Energy Corridor. Is a large, urban business development straddling the Beltway and to the direct west of Uptown. Several large business, including those associated with the petroleum industry (such asHalliburton), have offices here. Mostly a boring business area that just adds to Houston's skyline.

Rivercrest - Two streets with some of the largest and most expensive lots in the Houston area; don't expect to live here unless you're worth upwards of $75 million.

Briargrove Park - West of Rivercrest, an affluent neighborhood.

Walnut Bend - West of Beltway 8 and north of Westheimer, not quite as affluent due to an influx of Hurricane Katrina refugees.

Lakeside Estates - The sister neighborhood of Walnut Bend.

Tanglewilde - Old suburb adjacent to the east border of Westchase, has suffered in recent years.

Wood Lake - Near Rivercrest.

Greenway Plaza - a large mixed use development built between Downtown and Uptown, it is yet another center for Houston's amazing skyline and only exist because of Southwest Freeway. One of the key parts of the complex is the Lakewood Church, formerly the Compaq Center. The church is huge, the largest in the United States by most estimates. Another key part of the complex is the Regal/Edwards Grand Palace movie complex, which is the largest cinema inside the loop and one of the most luxurious cineplexes in the United States, featuring a parking garage, a Marble Slab Creamery, and formerly a Landry's restaurant named Harlow's, though the food options couldn't be taken into one of the theater's screening rooms. The restaurant closed in 2016.

Sunset Terrace - A wealthy neighborhood (again) south of Greenway Plaza and directly adjacent to the north border of West University Place, but is not a part of that township.

Meyerland - A large community just outside Loop 610 but far inside the beltway, being directly south of Bellaire, Meyerland is the center of Houston's Jewish community. Primarily white inner city neighborhood (well, that's different from what we have been hearing about up to this point) and much wealthier than many areas of Houston. The neighborhood even hired its own private security force (but still has a drug problem).

Braesmont - A neighborhood just west of Meyerland, and nearly indistinguishable from it.

Maplewood - Much less affluent than the rest, it's just west of Braesmont.

NRG Park - formerly known as the Astrodomain (yeah, really), and, until recently, as Reliant Park, it's that large area that is home to Houston's most famous sports and convention venues: NRG (formerly Reliant) Stadium, NRG (formerly Reliant) Center, NRG (formerly Reliant) Arena, and NRG (formerly Reliant) Astrodome (the only structure to keep Astro in the title). Six Flags Astroworld, a well known theme park, used to sit across the Interstate Loop form here, but it has since been closed and torn down. The Astrodome may well be on its way to the same fate. The site of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.

Hiram Clarke - Located between the loop and the beltway, Southwest of Reliant Park, and well south of Bellaire and Meyerland, anyone visiting Houston should be forewarned: This is one of the roughest areas of the city, a regular Wretched Hive, and visiting isn't recommended. Drugs and crime are rampant here, and some areas lack even sidewalks. If a rapper from Houston refers to an area called "the Clarke", this is what he means. Essentially ghetto central, only really noteworthy for Madison High School, which has seen several star athletes, including Vince Young, as its alumni. This infamous area is part of the "5 Corners District".

Brentwood - One of the neighborhoods in Hiram Clarke.

Corinthian Pointe - A new, small house suburb just west of Hiram Clarke.

Winchester - South of Corinthian Pointe.

South Main Plaza - In southwest Hiram Clarke

Pine Island Addition - Sister neighborhood to South Main Plaza.

Mayfair Park - Near those two.

Willow Park - In the west.

Briargate - South of Willow Park.

Almeda - Unincorporated community in the southeast of Hiram Clarke.

Garden Place To Almeda - Community at the south of Hiram Clarke.

Orchard Grove - Community near here.

Monarch Estates - Area near Orchard Grove.

Foxshire North - Small area near here.

Burnham - Sister neighborhood to Foxshire North.

Birdsall - Near those two neighborhoods.

Bluebonnet Acres - At the south of Hiram Clarke.

City Park - In east Hiram Clarke, just before 288.

Myrtle - In the northeast of the area.

Gulfton - Large community located directly to the West of Bellaire, separating it from Sharpstown and located to the South of Uptown. Formerly Westmoreland Farms, it's one of the most densely populated communities in Houston, and the area is home to many apartment complexes and contains the small Shenadoah ranch-house neighborhood. Originally a prosperous, primarily White neighborhood, the Oil Bust that tanked the economy of the city tanked the neighborhood too. Gulfton's population exploded and it gained a primarily immigrant makeup, in particular Hispanics (more particularly, illegals). Gulfton is now a struggling, poor, crime ridden neighborhood, dealing with the aftereffects of poor urban planning and the exploitative nature of its creation, gaining the area the unflattering nickname "the Gulfton Ghetto"; it's one of the most infamous Wretched Hives in the southwestern states, though it is also home to several distribution companies and a few Latin restaurants.

Shenadoah - The neighborhood inside Gulfton, it has fallen apart ever since the Oil Bust.

Morningside Place - Neighborhood just south of Rice Village, and a wealthy area (of course).

Southgate - The sister neighborhood of Morningside Place.

University Place - Part of this general area.

Braeswood Place - Large deed restricted community directly south of West University Place and Southside Place, west of the Texas Medical Center and east of Meyerland, and straddling Brays Bayou. Originally consisting of wealthy ranch-style houses, floods in 2001 devastated the community and prompted most of these houses to be torn down and replaced with newer housing.

Westridge - A neighborhood west of NRG park and south of Braeswood Place and Brays Bayou that has seen a few problems, but is undergoing regentrification.

Linkwood - Another neighborhood that is adjacent to Westridge.

Old Braeswood - An offshoot east of Braeswood Place that is even more affluent; this is one of the oldest neighborhoods in the city, and has a multitude of historic homes including large ranch-houses (by Houston standards).

Cambridge Green - A smaller townhouse neighborhood west of Old Braeswood.

University Square - Small housing area south of West University Place.

Link Valley - A small area that used to be one of the most notorious Wretched Hives in Houston, the police cracked down on this area and eventually had the majority of the rotting apartment buildings here torn down and replaced by townhouse communities; now a gentry neighborhood.

Woodside - Another one..

Woodshire - Another...

Westwood - Not to be confused with the Westwood in Forum Park, yet another...

Willowbend - A working class neighborhood just south of Meyerland and the loop, it has seen its share of problems.

Willow Meadows - The more affluent northern end of Willowbend, it's got some pleasant housing, and is, along with the Link Valley/deep-south Braeswood Place and Meyerland areas, the only really good area along West Bellfort Ave inside the beltway.

Westbury - West of Willowbend and Meyerland, southwest of Bellaire, this neighborhood is not one of the upscale areas.

Fondren Southwest - This includes Westbury, and while it has suitable housing, the apartment complexes were infamous for being another one of Houston's Wretched Hives; the most acceptable part of the neighborhood is Braeburn Valley, which is on the western end of Brays Bayou prior to it merging with another street and then Highway 59.

Braeburn Valley - The aforementioned neighborhood with working class housing.

Brae Acres - Strip with large properties, though isolated from much else by Sharpstown.

Braes Timbers - Another neighborhood in the district.

Robindell - Another...

Braeburn Terrace - Another next to Robindell...

Larkwood - And another.

Braeburn Glen - A neighborhood towards the southern end of Sharpstown and the upper end of this area.

Northfield - A neighborhood in south Fondren Southwest.

Southmeadow - Another neighborhood in this area.

Greater Sharpstown

While this area could really be considered apart of Southwest Houston, it is so well known in Houston and has such a clearly defined identity that it deserves its own special mention. There was a time when Sharpstown represented one of Houston's most well known (and well off) suburbs, but those days are long past. When Hurricane Katrina hit, this is where most of the refugees ended up, and crime rose in proportion too. Neighborhoods include:

Sharpstown - Where it all started. It was one of the United States' first car-based master-planned communities, a novelty at the time, and its growth was facilitated by the coming of the Southwest Expressway. Nearby, the Sharpstown Mall was built, which was Houston's first indoor shopping mall. Though originally majority White, soon Blacks and Latinos flocked to the area, as well as Asians, creating one of the largest Asian American Communities in Houston. Unfortunately, with this type of demographic change, usually comes the undesirable aspects of life: crime and poverty, and Sharpstown fell victim to both. This is reflected in the Sharpstown Mall, which was renamed the Sharpstown Center, and soon gained a reputation as the "ghetto mall" of Houston. Sharpstown Center continued to decline into bankruptcy, after which it was renamed PlazAmerica's and now caters to the ghetto Latino population instead of the ghetto Black population. In a since, nothing has really changed and nothing of value was lost. This mall did get a Cineplex Odeon movie theater attached in 1993 (the mall that took Sharpstown's business, the Galleria, saw its cinema close in 1994), and this shuttered and was eventually reopened as a Latino focused theater called "Viva Cinemas". It only lasted a few months, but they also accused the nearby AMC Studio 30 (which is north of Sharpstown and east of Westchase) of taking their business unfairly and then ending their Latino offerings when Viva closed; this led to a lawsuit against the cinema chains regarding movie studio "clearance" that has prompted a Washington D.C. Department Of Justice investigation, so PlazAmericas has that.

Harwin Drive - Houston's bargain mile; its west end is around Wilcrest Drive on the west side of Westchase, where it goes into Alief and becomes Alief-Clodine road, while its east terminus is on the southbound frontage road at Highway 59, just east of Hillcroft. A place where you can get anything you want at a very good price...as long as you're ok with it possibly being fake. Anything designer that you could pay an arm and a leg for at any of Houston's malls can be got at Harwin for much less, and anyone looking for something nice, yet cheap should look here first. Once again, as long as one is willing to risk getting a counterfeit everything is permitted.

Forum Park - At the southwest end of Sharpstown, being the last neighborhood for Highway 59 and Beltway 8 going south before the two freeways intersect (Forum Park's inside a V shaped enclave with these two highways inside the Beltway). The good news about this neighborhood is it has a handful of nice, well-known car dealerships for Houston. The bad news is everything else; this is another Wretched Hive AND Prostitution Central in Houston, which helped drive a mall in the neighborhood out of business, leaving only a Sears.

Southeast Houston

The area to the east of Southwest Houston. Not good enough? Okay, everything between Clear Lake City and Downtown. Still not good enough? Okay, a large amorphous area that is roughly Houston's Southeastern Portion, excluding Clear Lake, made up of various neighborhoods. That's the best you will get. The neighborhoods here include:

Texas Medical Center - Yet another center of Houston's almost monolithic skyline, TMC is the largest medical center in the entire world. The surrounding area has numerous high rise residential buildings as well. Every year, millions of patients visit the medical center seeking treatment from thousands of doctors, and the area is still growing.

Houston Museum District - One of the city's chief attractions, the area is home to 19 museums that attract millions of visitors each year. Two institutions, Houston Zoo and the Houston Museum of Natural Science are located in nearby...

Binz - The alternate name for the Museum District.

Museum Park - Community inside the Museum District.

Hermann Park - Houston's most visited public park, Hermann separates the Medical Center from the Museum District. Besides the attractions already listed, the area is also home to Houston Garden Center, Miller Outdoor Theatre, and the Hermann Park Golf Course. There is also a reflecting pool (like the one in Washington, D.C.) and a statue of, who else, but Sam Houston!

Boulevard Oaks - A highly wealthy neighborhood west of Hermann Park and the Museum District.

Southampton - A sister neighborhood of Boulevard Oaks.

Third Ward - The Historic Center of Houston's African American community, known in among rap culture as "the Trey". Historically economically depressed, the old ward system that was used in Houston (and is still in use today by New Orleans) hasn't actually been an official part of Houston government since 1905, but the old ward designations are still used to refer to the old neighborhoods regardless. The neighborhood has been experiencing gentrification recently, leading to push back from local community leaders.

Riverside Terrace - At one point a primarily Jewish neighborhood, then a primarily African American one, it is now experiencing gentrification that is transforming it from a decrepit neighborhood, to a healthy, diverse one.

University Oaks - a small community located just south of University of Houston, it gained infamy for its racial covenant that prevented any one, not "of the Caucasian race" from moving in.

Gulfgate - A large district just east of the University of Houston. This is where things start going downhill. Noteworthy for featuring the Gulfgate Mall Shopping Center and an iconic coffee shop.

Pine Valley - A subdistrict in Gulfgate.

Glenbrook Valley - The neighborhood directly north of William P. Hobby Airport, you pass through the center of the neighborhood going to or from the airport via Broadway Ave (Hobby is west of Pasadena and outside the loop). Noteworthy for becoming the first designated "historic neighborhood" outside the loop, it has several nice houses, but is otherwise surrounded by yet another Wretched Hive of falling apartments and other not-so-ok neighborhoods, causing quite a few problems for the area, which was once referred to as the "Little River Oaks". One of those not-so-good neighborhoods is...

South Park - Between 288/Hiram Clarke and Hobby Airport, this is not that much different from "The Clarke"; this also has seen several rappers make note of it and the eastern border of Telephone Road, note which is the west border of Glenblook Valley and the airport, during which it's also designated as Texas Highway 35, which goes on without the Telephone Road signing once south of the Beltway and in Pearland one of the most infamous streets in the city. One of those rappers, South Park Mexican, named himself after the neighborhood, and he is currently serving in prison.

South Acres - In the southwest

Crestmont Park - Sister community to South Acres.

Garden Villas - Between South Park and Glenbrook Valley.

Sunnyside - Another segment of the Wretched Hive that is west of Hobby, but with slightly nicer housing. Slightly.

Brookhaven - A part of Sunnyside.

Gulf Meadows - South of Hobby Airport and north of Pearland, it was another Wretched Hive, but is undergoing gentrification.

Skyscraper Shadows - In this area.

Southbelt - A large community adjacent to the Hobby area and Gulf Meadows that is close to the Clear Lake area.

Ellington - The alternate community, which also houses Ellington Airport (formerly Ellington Field), which was a U.S. military base. One of the few U.S. bases founded during WWI for pilot training still in any kind of operation, Ellington is now owned by the City of Houston, though various military and government functions, including NASA and the Texas Air Guard, still operate out of the facility. Recently the wheels have begun turning to turn the facility into a premier Spaceport, and it has already been designated as such.

Brazosport/Brazoria County

The most rural area of Greater Houston (as everything else is suburbs), Brazoria County is named after the Brazos River (note there is another county in Texas called Brazos County named after the same river, so don't get them confused). The main expressway here is Texas road 288 (or the South Freeway, or just 288) that carries thousands into and out of Houston every day (be forewarned, that this road is a haven for speed traps). The area also known as Brazosport includes areas both in and just outside the county, and includes the Communities:

Pearland - Pronounced pear-land, not pearl-land. The largest community south of Houston that the city is just kicking itself over not annexing, there are no pears here (anymore)! Once a small, sleepy town where people grew fruit, the city has literally exploded: it was the second fastest growing city in Texas, the fastest growing in Greater Houston, and the fifteenth fastest growing in the nation. While the Eastern part of town still maintains its old small town feel, the western part is a gigantic suburb, which you can easily see traveling on 288. Recently, the area got an upscale, open air shopping mall, indicating that they have truly hit the big time. Also, just as an aside, this is the worst speed trap in the Houston area. Keep that in mind when driving on 288.

Fresno - not to be confused with the Californian city with the same name, Fresno is a large unincorporated area in Houston's ETJ. Originally a small rural community, Houston's explosive growth led to a transformation, as numerous housing developments have sprung up. Houston hasn't gotten around to annexing them yet though.

Friendswood - A small city that gained its name from the fact that it was founded by the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers), Friendswood is actually in Galveston county, but isn't in the bay area so it will be placed here. It is really just another majority white suburb now, no different from nearby Clear Lake or Pearland. It's really hard to tell when you leave Friendswood and enter League City as you drive east on FM 518.

Brookside Village - One of the most pointless towns in this area, you would be forgiven for thinking it was part of Pearland. Brookside is a suburb that doesn't even push 2000 people, and really could just as well be part of Pearland. For example, all of its students go to schools in Pearland, that is how small it is.

Arcola - Another town of less than 2000 people, it can be forgiven because it is relatively remote (as in, it is not surrounded by another city)

Iowa Colony - a small village that was such a horrible speed trap,note it actually had no fewer than five fingers of its territory crossing 288, giving the cops unrivaled opportunities to hand out tickets when the speed limit suddenly dropped to 45 MPH in the city Texas enacted a law limiting how much money a municipality could get from speeding ticket. It would take the cake for weirdest name for a town in Greater Houston, except it got its name from the company that founded it, who were from Des Moines, Iowa.

Manvel - Another kleptomaniac town whose city limits don't conform to its size, it is huge for a small town out in the boondocks with less than 4000 people.

Alvin - Hometown of baseball Hall of Famer Nolan Ryan,note actually born in Refugio, a small town not far from Corpus Christi, but raised from infancy in Alvin the Nolan Ryan Museum can be found here. Nearby Texas 288 was named the Nolan Ryan Expressway south of Houston as well. Almost no suburbs here, so it has maintained that small town feel. Is actually the oldest incorporated city in Brazoria County.

Hillcrest - not to be confused with a certain Woodcrest, its a small town of less than 1000 people that is almost not even visible on a map and could generally be mistaken for being part of Alvin.

Bonney - A small town that is otherwise unnoticeable, except for the fact that it is surrounded by three prisons.

Angleton - county seat for Brazoria, and Flyover Country for anyone using 288.

Brazoria - a city from which the county got its name (or is it the other way around?). Actually got into a fight with Angleton over who would get to be county seat. It lost apparently.

Lake Jackson - second largest city in the county and almost 45 mins. from Houston. Despite this, unlike most of the surrounding area, it resembles some of Houston's nicest suburbs. Nolan Ryan Expressway ends here. Hometown of Selena, the Tejano music superstar murdered as she was starting to break into the mainstream.

Richwood - Well, the name says it all folks. That said, it is curiously not a part of Lake Jackson, despite being right next to it, though it is not as bad as...

Clute - (don't ask about the name) a city that you literally can't tell where it ends and Lake Jackson begins. Gained a measure of fame when a Mammoth skeleton was found here.

Freeport - a small town that merged with Velasco, TX, the first capital of the Republic of Texas, it is now most remembered for the fact that it is surrounded by unsightly oil refineries that can be seen from Lake Jackson.

Surfside Beach - A key tourist area just west of Galveston, Surfside Beach is a great place to visit if one wants a beach without having to worry about all the annoying tourists in Galveston. A relatively upper class area.

Greater Downtown

Not an official name for anything, but the closest approximation to the actual function of the areas we are now dealing with, this is essentially all of the areas just outside of Downtown Houston, not bounded by the expressways, but inexorably part of it. Neighborhoods include:

East Downtown Houston (Ea Do) - Separating East End from Downtown, this area is the neighborhood just south of the Eastex Freeway (US 59) when passing the Central Business District (CBD). Old Chinatown, one of the two in the city, is located here. Also located here is the other (good) football team, the Houston Dynamo, and their stadium, BBVA Compass Stadium. The area is a weird mix. On the one hand, it is home to many industrial warehouses, some abandoned, some still in use, and is pretty much Houston's version of Skid Row, having a huge homeless population. On the other hand, the area is becoming a center for revitalization, gentrification, and revival. For example, a large artists community is springing up here.

Midtown - Everything between the Gulf Expressway wrapping around downtown's southwest, the Southwest Expressway, and Spur 527 (along with a few buildings to the south of Southwest, and a small area of condos, townhouses and the like north of Bagby Street). Originally split between the Third and Fourth Wards, the area was once an upscale residential neighborhood, till businesses pushed them out. It later morphed into Little Saigon, as Vietnamese residents arrived and this lead to a transformation of the neighborhood. Now, the neighborhood is a middle to upper class majority white neighborhood, with some remainder of its former history as a Vietnamese community, with a lot of businesses thrown in for good measure.

Fourth Ward - another area that kept its name as a former ward of Houston, the Fourth Ward was once Freedmen's Town, a community that was home to post-Civil War freed blacks. Until the 1920s, it was the center of Houston's black community. After this, the community took a nose dive, especially with the building of housing projects in the area. The community became wracked with crime, drugs, and decay, and Houston has long sought nothing less than to wipe it from the map and replace it with something far more palatable. To this end, Houston tore down most of the projects, and what remained was turned into a historical area. The area has recently been undergoing gentrification, forcing most of the old residents out, and today, it is the smallest neighborhood in Houston in terms of population. Most of the neighborhood's historical aspects are gone and it is slowly but surely becoming an extension of Midtown.

Afton Oaks - Large, upscale inner city, white community, located just east of uptown, right along side Loop 610. A very beautiful neighborhood befitting the region its located in, it has retains strict control over itself, including deed restrictions and private security. The community even forced Houston to reroute a METRO rail line.

West Lane Place - The eastern side of Afton Oaks.

River Oaks - Another affluent community just affronting Buffalo Bayou and Memorial Park. This community is not only one of the richest in Houston, but one of the richest in the entire United States as well as the entire world and has been so for years. Homes here start at $1 million and go up in value. World renowned River Oaks Country Club is located in this community, but don't expect to become a member unless you're white. This community also includes the River Oaks Shopping Center on West Gray St (east of Inwood Dr's east terminus and South Shepherd Dr) that features two notable landmarks. One is the River Oaks Theatre, one of the three central neighborhood movie palaces from the early to mid 20th century (the Alabama down Shepherd south and the Bellaire in Southside Place/West University Place were the others), and this theater is the only one of the three still open (Alabama closed in 1984, Bellaire closed in 1992). It is now an arthouse cinema. This center is also infamous for featuring two Starbucks across West Gray from each other; these coffeehouses were the direct inspiration for Lewis Black's "Starbucks" rant (there are now three Starbucks with a Barnes & Noble bookstore built a block over after the Alabama's bookstore closed (Barnes & Noble serves Starbucks coffees in their cafes).

Royden Oaks - The south part of River Oaks, but not quite part of it. Houses are smaller, but no less expensive.

Tall Timbers - The western end of River Oaks, this is one of the most expensive parts of town.

Oak Estates - Not a part of River Oaks, but close enough.

Terrelview Place - The least wealthy part of the area (but that's not saying a lot).

Highland Village - Small community straddling Westheimer Road, between Afton Oaks, River Oaks, Uptown, and Greenway plaza. Very upscale, the area is most remembered for the Highland Village Shopping center, an upscale shopping area that caters to many of the surrounding communities.

Lynn Park - The southern end of the village.

Weslayan Plaza - Different from the shopping center south of Sunset Terrace, this is a sister neighborhood of Lynn Park.

Upper Kirby - Located between Greenway Plaza and Neartown, Upper Kirby is located just east of Buffalo Speedway (which is a street in Houston, really!). Is primarily a business area.

Alabama Square - A neighborhood inside Upper Kirby.

Neartown

A large region of Houston located to the west of downtown, Midtown, and the Fourth Ward, inside the loop, between the Katy Freeway and Southwest Freeway, the area has been called the Greenwich Village of Houston. Very diverse with a distinct Bohemian flavor, gentrification has brought the area wealth, as it has become a favorite of yuppies, artists, musicians, and young professionals. The northern end of the area is home to a very out of place office complex, the American General Center, whose tallest skyscraper, the America Tower, is easily visible from I-10. Many Houston natives erroneously refer to the area as "Montrose": this is a misnomer, as Montrose is the name of a neighborhood inside of it. And speaking of that neighborhood...

Montrose - Montrose was originally an upscale streetcar suburb of Houston. During the 60s and 70s, the area became a miniaturized version of San Francisco, a center of the counterculture movement. It was also at this time that the area gained a reputation as the center of Houston's gay and lesbian community. Eventually, a substantial gay and lesbian community appeared, and gay bars dotted the neighborhood. The AIDS epidemic ravaged this community, and the gay population decentralized, though a fair number still remain and it is still a major LGBT center in Texas.

Hyde Park - A neigborhood near Montrose.

Cherryhurst - A neighborhood near Montrose.

Westmoreland - Part of Montrose.

Avondale - A neighborhood just south of the Fourth Ward.

Courtland Place - A gated strip north of Montrose that has seen several movies shot there.

East End

Area south of east downtown, located between Downtown, the Port of Houston and Hobby Airport. Houston's very own Canal Street runs through here. It is here that Harrisburgh, the capital of Texas was once located. Here now is:

Second Ward - also called Segundo Barrio, the Second Ward is another one of the city's four original wards. About the 1920s, the ward made the transition to be primarily Mexican in makeup, which has remained true, more or less, ever since. Gained a negative reputation in the 70s and 80s, but is currently undergoing gentrification.

Magnolia Park - another Hispanic neighborhood, and one of the oldest in Houston. Was formerly a separate incorporated community (and white.)

Idylwood - a neighborhood considered the most forgotten in Houston. A rather pleasant place to live.

Eastwood - No, not that Eastwood. One of Houston's first master planned subdivisions, first designed in 1913. Went from being a professional's enclave, to poor and worthless, to a professional's enclave again.

Harrisburg - The twice, former, former capital of Texas. This was the Allen Brothers first choice when they wanted to found a city. Originally belonging to John Richardson Harris, the brothers had wanted to found a city on his land, but when he died, they couldn't gain title to it, so they moved a little ways up Buffalo Bayou and founded Houston instead. During the Texas Revolution, Harrisburg was the provisional Texas government's capital, till Santa Ana burned it down. After the Republic of Texas was founded, it became capital again, but for only less than a year (the capital moved around a lot before settling on Columbia, Houston, and then finally Austin). After losing its role as capital, the city's population dwindled massively, as did its importance. It would be annexed by Houston in 1926. Harrisburg is now mostly a majority Latino inner city neighborhood now. Oh, and Harris County (formerly Harrisburg County) got its name from this town.

Manchester - Community adjacent to the Houston Ship Channel and the interchange of Loop 610 and Texas 225.

Island Cities

The first major group of Houston's enclaves. These cities have been entirely surrounded by the city of Houston, thus it is not uncommon for people to mistake them for being a part of Houston. The Island cities are located in the Loop and would technically be considered part of Southwest Houston. Though the "cities" maintain their own separate identity, they are really nothing more than glorified neighborhoods. One wonders why they just don't join the city of Houston outright. The three island cities are:

Bellaire - Houston's largest island city and its largest enclave note Not to be confused with Bel Air in Hollywood, which is also a luxury area, but a small theater in Southside Place DID use that name before it closed , has the nickname the "City of Homes", as it is mostly residential. This title is not really deserved though: it is the only enclave with a business district of any real size. Bellaire incorporated ten years after its founding, preventing Houston from outright annexing it. However, even after Houston had long annexed everything around it, Bellaire refused to join the city. After the 1980s, the city rapidly became one of the most affluent in the Houston area. It has also gained a reputation for racism, especially amongst its police.

Sylvania Courts - A neighborhood with large mansions that is on the east border of Bellaire, west of West University Place.

Southdale - South of Sylvania Courts.

Mulberry Manor - North of Sylvania Courts, with much smaller housing; this is the northernmost neighborhood of Bellaire inside the loop.

Oakdale - Directly west of Mulberry Manor, more of the same.

Twin Oaks - Can only be accessed from South Rice, which is the border between this neighborhood and east Gulfton. Not quite as nice, but it's Houston, so...

Braeburn Country Club Estates - The westernmost neighborhood of Bellaire, and filled with large and expensive mini-mansions.

Richmond Plaza - Technically inside Gulfton, but really an extension of Bellaire that is not part of the city. North of Braeburn, ANOTHER affluent neighborhood.

West University Place - A city west of the University Place neighborhood and Rice University. Nicknamed the "Neighborhood City", rather ironic if you only see the city as a Houston neighborhood with delusions of grandeur. Though the area originally incorporated because Houston wouldn't run services to it, it has steadily refused to consolidate since then, even after being completely surrounded by the city. Is generally very upscale.

Pemberton - The southeast corner of the city, and with smaller housing than the area around it.

Virginia Courts - The most affluent part of West University, it is in its southern part.

Rice Court - The northeast corner.

Colonial Terrace - The western end of West University, originally consisting of cottages before newer housing began being built.

Southside Place - The single most pointless city in the Greater Houston Area. It is 0.2 SQUARE MILES in size. It is literally only a few city blocks. Really, why does it exist? All it contains is three strip malls, a bowling alley, a bakery, a few small office buildings, and the area's Whole Foods Market, which was formerly the Bellaire/Bel Air, the third of the classic movie palace trilogy in Houston (it's inside the West University city limits, but is mostly accessed from Southside Place); all of this is along Bellaire Boulevard, which extends east of Bellaire and drops the name when reentering Houston (it becomes West Holcombe, and has signs for both on opposite sides of the street for a few blocks); the residental neighborhood is on the east side above a former Shell building, and it's surrounded by West University in every direction except for south, where Braeswood Place borders it. Southside Place is one of the most notorious speed trap zones in Texas, which it uses to fund its tiny existence.

Memorial Villages

Houston's second major group of enclaves, and their existences are no more justified then that of the island cities. Originally a small town surrounded by farm land, area now know as the Memorial Villages first attempted to escape annexation by Houston (because to suburban whites, that's the equivalent of selling your soul) via incorporating as one large city, called Spring Branch, in the 1950s, This failed, and thus, over the course of a decade, the Memorial Villages came into existence one by one, and have stayed ever since, despite being surrounded by Houston. Even though they are all independent cities, the cities collectively maintain a police department and fire department. The villages are:

Hilshire Village - the tenth wealthiest location in Texas, Hilshire Village is the smallest village (only 0.3 square miles!). An overwhelmingly white rich enclave that has no real reason to not be part of Houston, it is one of the two villages north of the Katy Freeway, the other being:

Spring Valley Village - originally known as just Spring Valley, it changed its name to keep the naming theme going.

Brighton Place - A neighborhood inside Spring Valley Village.

Hedwig Village - a smaller village, straddling Katy Freeway's southern flank. It is the only village to have extensive business development.

Bunker Hill Village - despite its name, it has had nothing to do with battles, except the Flame War over why it exists. The third largest village.

Warrenton - A neighborhood at the west of Bunker Hill.

Whispering Oaks - A sister neighborhood of Warrenton.

Hunters Creek Village - The largest village by pop., it is the fifth wealthiest location in Texas by per capital income.

River Bend - A small neighborhood within the Hunters Creek Village city limits but cannot be directly accessed from the rest of the village (it's south of Buffalo Bayou and off of Voss Road.)

Longwoods - At the eastern end of Hunters Creek Village.

Piney Point Village - the largest village by land area (just barely 2 square miles), this city is the richest area in the entire state by per capita income. This is the truest sense of the term when one says hideout for the wealthy.

Piney Point Estates - South of Piney Point Village, can only be accessed from Westheimer.

Memorial City - Large business community in the northwest corner of the Memorial Villages that is inside Houston. It borders Spring Valley Village, Hedwig Village and Bunker Hill Village. Features a lot of shops, a medical center, and the Memorial City Mall, the Town & Country shopping center, and CityCentre

Memorial Hollow - Neighborhood on the west of Memorial City Mall.

Town & Country - Shopping center at the west end of Memorial City, bordering the Energy Corridor/Katy districts.

CityCentre - Major business/shopping park inside Town & Country.

Spring Branch

A major community north of IH-10 and west of the Addicks Reservoir.

Westview - One of the large subcommunities in Spring Branch.

Shadow Oaks - A neighborhood on the west of Spring Branch, just inside the Beltway.

Timber Oaks - A smaller sister neighborhood of Shadow Oaks.

Spring Shadows - Major mini-community near Shadow Oaks.

Kempwood - Another major community.

Fairbanks - Sister community to Kempwood.

Northwest Crossing - Another sister community to Kempwood.

Jersey Village - Township just outside the northwest corner of Spring Branch.

Inner Loop North

Everything inside the I-610 Loop, but north of Downtown and/or the Buffalo Bayou. Neighborhoods include:

The Washington Avenue Area - large area of Houston between the Bayou, Katy Freeway, Downtown, and the Loop, it also includes a small area just north of the Katy. Home to a number of neighborhoods, the area is named for its major thoroughfare, once a major economic arterial of the city. By the 90s, unfortunately, the area gained a reputation for being run down. Recently however, the area has experienced a revival,with a growing yuppie population. A few years ago, the area gained a reputation as a nightlife entertainment spot being home to many clubs, taking the title from Richmond Strip. However, it has evolved to something a little more sane: a place to dine out (because Houston needs more of those)

Memorial Park - one of Houston's largest municipal parks, Memorial separates Washington Avenue from the Loop. The park gets its name from the fact that it was dedicated to the soldiers who died in WWI. The park has facilities for tennis, softball, swimming, track, croquet, volleyball, skating, cycling, a running course, extensive trails back in the woods for hiking, cycling, and trail running, and a golf course. The Houston Arboretum and Nature Center can be found here as well.

Crestwood - On the east border of Memorial Park, yet another wealthy community.

Arlington Court - Sister neighborhood of Crestwood.

Stablewood - West of the park and an affluent gated community.

Rice Military - A mixed use community east of Crestwood and south of Washington Ave.

The Heights Area - A large area made up primarily of three neighborhoods: Houston Heights, Norhill, and Woodland Heights. When people around Houston say "the Heights" they are usually talking about Houston Heights, and are conflating Houston Heights with the other two neighborhoods. However, these are all very distinct neighborhoods. Houston Heights started as a Streetcar Suburb of Houston in 1891 and was even an incorporated city, till Houston annexed it in 1919. Norhill wasn't developed until 1923, and Woodland Heights was started in 1907. Norhill has kind of remained the same over the years, as a relatively closed in community where every House is a bungalow. Woodland Heights is very similar to Norhill in this way, and the modest style of the homes in these two areas helped them as Houston changed demographically to avoid the steady decline occurring in surrounding communities and also help them in gentrification. Houston Heights wasn't so lucky: Economic and social decline hit hard, and the community became decrepit after World War II. Currently, the community is bouncing back due to gentrification.

Cypress Crossing - Business area in north Willowbrook, home to a Hewlett-Packard campus.

Kohrville - Unincorporated community in north Willowbrook.

Louetta - Another unincorporated community.

Tomball

Town north of Willowbrook.

Greenspoint

The least affluent business district of Houston, it has earned the very unflattering name "Gunspoint" due to being a Wretched Hive; it really only exists for several businesses, hotels and anything requiring flying since George Bush Intercontinental Airport is east of Greenspoint.

Northgate - Neighborhood just north of Greenspoint.

Glen Forest Estates - North of Northgate.

Swea Garden - In southeast Greenspoint.

Oak Glen Place - South of Swea Garden.

Meadowviewland - South of Oak Glen Place.

Greenbriar Place North - North of Greenspoint.

Green Oak Park - West of Greenspoint.

Rushwood - West of Green Oak Park

Lincoln Green East - West of Green Oak Park

Lincoln Green Estates - Sister to neighborhood above.

Briarcreek of Aldine - Between Greenspoint and Willowbrook.

Ideal Farms - In the area above.

Milroy Farms - The same.

Northcliff - Near the above.

Heritage Village - Another neighborhood in this area.

Laurel Oaks - Northwest of Greenspoint.

Silverglen North - Sister neighborhood to Laurel Oaks.

Meadowview Farms - Well north of Greenspoint

Imperial Green - Neighborhood in Meadowview Farms

Imperial Plaza - Another.

Century Plaza - Business area north of Greenspoint.

Imperial Valley - Greenspoint neighborhood inside the Beltway.

Aldine

Another one of the most notorious Wretched Hives of Houston, this is one of the most decrepit areas of Houston alongside South Park and Hiram Clarke on the other side of town. Bush Intercontinental is north of this community.

Sequoia Estates - One of the neighborhoods in Aldine.

Fountain View - An apartment area that is infamous.

Parkwood Estates - Another...

High Meadows - South of the airport.

Castlewood - Sister neighborhood.

Magnolia Gardens - Large community in this area.

Kenwood Place - Nearby.

Pine Village Forest - Another neighborhood.

Mt Houston - Unincorporated community in the southeast of Aldine.

Greenbriar Colony - Neighborhood in north Aldine, west of Bush Intercontinental Airport

Heather Ridge Village - Neighborhood west of Humble in Houston city limits, between Humble and the airport.

Glen Lee Place - Sister neighborhood to Heather Ridge Village.

Kenswick - Neighborhood west of Humble on F.M. 1960.

Humble Heights - Another neighborhood in this area.

Mill Creek - Another.

Saddle Ridge - Another..

Oak Hill Estates - Another...

Cypresswood Point - Another....

Cypress Gardens - Wooded area near Humble.

Riverwood - Well west of Humble.

Midway Plaza - Bulldozed area south of Riverwood.

North Belt Forest - Southeast of Humble.

Eagle Creek - South of North Belt.

Sunset Ridge - East of Eagle Creek.

Lindsey - Near Sunset Ridge

Oak Knoll Estates - South of Humble.

Humble Road Place - Near Oak Knoll Estates.

Spring

Large community north of Greenspoint.

Northgate Crossing - Neighborhood that is the northernmost point of the Hardy Toll Rd, and the last neighborhood going north in I-45 before leaving Harris County.

Lexington Woods - A neighborhood southeast of Northgate Crossing.

North Spring - Another neighborhood.

Springridge - Sister neighborhood to North Spring.

Windsor Forest - Neighborhood in the northwest of Spring.

Dove Meadows - Sister to Windsor Forest.

Cypresswood Lake - Neighborhood in the middle of Spring.

Spring Lakes - Sister to the neighborhood above.

Bending Bough - Neighborhood in this area.

Devonshire Woods - Another.

Candlelight Hills - Another..

Cypress Forest Park - Another...

Spring Park Village - Another....

Fairfax Village - In the west of Spring.

Postwood - Another in this area.

Carterwood - Another..

Forest Lakes - Another...

Cypresswood Green - Another!

Imperial Ridge - Neighborhood between Greenspoint and Spring.

The Woodlands

Large, very affluent community well north of Greenspoint. Houston has attempted to annex this neighborhood in the past, but has been constantly rebuffed.

Rayford - Unaffiliated community in the southeast corner of the area of The Woodlands.

Grogan's Mill - One of the neighborhoods in The Woodlands.

Grogan's Forest - Another neighborhood.

Cochran's Crossing - Another neighborhood.

Indian Springs - Another...

Sterling Ridge - Another.

Alden Bridge - In the north of The Woodlands.

Egypt - Unincorporated community in the northwest corner of The Woodlands.

Shenadoah

The sister community to The Woodlands. Not to be confused with the neighborhood inside Gulfton in Southwest Houston, between Bellaire and Sharpstown.

Jacob's Reserve - Community in the northwest of Shenadoah.

Carriage Hills - Sister community to Jacob's Reserve.

Tamina - Town east of Shenadoah.

Woodloch - Small town well northeast of Shenadoah.

Oak Ridge North

Town east of The Woodlands.

Chateau Woods - Township east of Oak Ridge North.

Conroe

Large city north of The Woodlands.

Cut And Shoot - Unincorporated community east of Conroe.

Panorama Village - Town north of Conroe.

Willis - Town north of Panorama Village.

New Waverly - Town well north of Willis.

Montgomery - Town west of Conroe.

Huntsville

Large town in the Sam Houston National Forest, several miles north of Conroe/New Waverly. This town is home to a handful of major prison facilities for the Texas DOJ, including the Walls Unit, which has the state's execution chamber, the most active in the United States. It also has the diagnostics unit and the Wynn Unit. Also home to Sam Houston State University.

Phelps - East of Huntsville on U.S. 190

Dodge - East of Phelps

Oakhurst - Further east.

Point Blank - Further east.

Stephen Creek- South of Point Blank in the Sam Houston Forest

Willow Springs - Southwest of Stephen Creek.

Riverside - North of Huntsville, but not on I-45.

Livingston

Town well east of Huntsville via U.S. 190, located on U.S. 59 north (making it well north of Kingwood/Humble/Bush Airport).

West Livingston - Town that is home to the Polunsky Unit Prison, which is home to the state's Death Row unit; Death Row inmates are shipped west on U.S. 190 to the Walls Unit in Huntsville for the final hours prior to execution.

Friday Night Lights has the state football championship played at the Astrodome, though the events upon which the film is based never went anywhere near Houston: the title game that year was not played in the Astrodome.

A partial example in Homestuck — the comic doesn't focus on the city, but Dave is generally agreed to be from Houston, because a map pinpoints his apartment as being right around there. At the least, he's canonically Texan.

Anna Nicole Smithnote For most of her life she claimed to have been born in Mexia, a town near Waco to the north where she lived as a child, in order to reinforce her "small-town girl" image (rather than admit to having been born in Houston, which was already a fairly big city in 1967).

The Alleged Car: METRO Light Rail, due to the number of traffic accidents it caused because of unclear signals, poor planning, and unavailability outside of the hospital and museum districts. The incident which made it this trope involved an ambulance responding to a truck being hit by the Light Rail, and while transporting the injured driver to the nearest hospital being hit by a Light Rail train itself.

The continual delays on construction caused by budget problems keep it from reaching its potential.

Blatant Lies: Pretty much everything Houston's founders, brothers John and Augustus Allen, claimed in their original sales pitch to both settlers and the government of the Republic of Texas was demonstrably false.

The Church: And boy howdy, what a church. Lakewood Church is one of the most well-known and easily-recognizable churches in the entire city. As though it's previous stadium-seating campus (complete with in-house televising of its Sunday sermons on local channel 14!) weren't large enough, the church procured an actual stadium — the former home of the NBA team Houston Rockets and transformed it into their new house of worship.

Company Town: Nearby Sugar Land was once one of these, entirely owned and operated by the Imperial Sugar Company.

So was less-nearby Lake Jackson, founded by The Dow Chemical Company to house workers at the nearby chemical plant during World War II. Notable for the main intersection in the center of town being the junction of This Way and That Way.

Cool Spaceship: There was once a Saturn V rocket in full view of drivers on I-45 by NASA. It's since had a shelter built around it, as exposure damaged it.

Texas City was the site of the biggest industrial accident in US history, when a Liberty Ship loaded with ammonium nitrate exploded in 1947 with the force of a small atomic bomb, killing almost 600 people.

Drives Like Crazy: It is joked that the Sam Houston Toll Road, a controlled access highway that loops around the city about five miles out from the city's proper loop, Interstate 610, is Houstonians' participatory version of NASCAR. Posted speed limits are about 65 mph, but you will be run off the road if you're doing less than 80.

Everything Is Big in Texas: Best example, The Texas Medical Center, the largest medical center in the world. Contains 54 medicine-related institutions, including 21 hospitals, eight specialty institutions, eight academic and research institutions, three medical schools, seven nursing schools, three public health organizations, 2 pharmacy schools and a dental school. Judged as a skyline alone, it's bigger than Downtown Dallas.

Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The Woodlands is full of trees. It's so full of trees, in fact, that signs tend to be obscured and you just have to know where you're going, rather than looking for man-made landmarks.

Fan Nickname: Well, not so much fan nickname, but some areas have picked up names, like Greenspoint "Gunspoint", The Woodlands "The Hoodlands", Pasadena "Stinkadena" (see Dangerous Workplace above), the list goes on.

"Space City", "Bayou City", "H-town", "the Big Heart" (post-Hurricane Katrina), Screwston (after the "Chopped and Screwed" style of rap music created by slowing down tempo).

The Labor Day Classic: Texas Southern University Tigers vs. Prarie View A&M Panthers. Not to mention the Battle of the Bands between TSU's Ocean of Soul and PV's Marching Storm.

Non-sports example: Houston's local US Federal Reserve district is headquartered in Dallas. Just imagine the shitstorm when they built a branch for the "Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas" just outside of downtown.

For the record, they quickly changed the name to something less evocative of Dallas.

Another non-sports example: the North Freeway, which carries Interstate 45 (that eventually reaches Dallas), had several names floated for it, including the Dallas Freeway. People didn't take that well.

Petitions from locals eventually brought Houston the plane that carried the Space Shuttles back to Cape Canaveral after landing.

Friendly Fandoms: With New Orleans. Houston has many citizens from New Orleans (more so post-Katrina) who brought their with culture (and food) with them. Likewise, New Orleans is synonymous with parties. There are some overlap with sports team fandoms with some New Orleanians supporting the Astros and Rockets (prior to getting an NBA team) and some Houstonians supporting the Saints during the interim from the O***s' departure to the Texans debut. Also Saints and Texans fans generally get along with games between the two merely awkward at the worst.

In-Name-Only: Both Sugar Land and Katy are Cut And Paste Suburbs, but each have history. Sugar Land was the Imperial Sugar company town (and it still maintains presence there, check the sugar labels at home), and Katy was named after the MKT railroad that went through town. The railroad in question was truncated in the late 1990s so there's only a spur there that doesn't get much traffic as it used to.

Ivy League for Everyone: Averted with Rice University, considered to be part of the South's version of the Ivy League.

Mega Corp.: Until quite recently, at least, Haliburton was headquarted in the city - and still has a massive facility hidden behind a treeline alongside the Beltway, just south of Bush International Airport. There's even a series of plaques outside Minute Maid Park (where the Astros baseball team plays) featuring the history of KBR and Haliburton, complete with a heavily-defaced image of Dick Cheney.

Was also home to Enron, who used to have the Astros park named after them, but when their infamous accounting and swindling surfaced, the Astros dropped their name for Minute Maid.

Nonindicative Name: "West Mount Houston" is the name of a road. There's nothing even resembling a hill in Houston, much less a mountain. The city doesn't have wards, but don't tell that to residents of the Third, Fourth, and Fifth Wards (which do have their basis in the old boundaries of the city's wards). Cut 'n' Shoot is the name of a small town (yeah, really). Missouri City is nowhere near Missouri, and its residents didn't come from there, either. The same can be said for Iowa Colony (nowhere near Iowa) and Cleveland (granted, further north, but still nowhere near Ohio). There are no pears in Pearland (except for those at the Kroger's). There's no sugar in Sugar Land anymore, either (though as mentioned before, the city was a company town, and that company did refine sugar there until 2003). South Park is nothing like South Park and is nowhere near Colorado (though it is to the south of MacGregor Park and does predate the television series). Clear Lake is neither clear nor a lake. And none of this is anywhere near Houston County, Texas. Neighborhood names are frequently idiosyncratic at best.

Though West University Place is indeed a place immediately to the west of Rice University. The Woodlands is also full of trees (such that it's difficult to spot signs or businesses, and those unfamiliar with the area are likely to get lost).

Whoever named the Panther Creek streets in The Woodlands is a terrible joker. There are four cardinal streets, logically named North Panther Creek, East Panther Creek, South Panther Creek, and West Panther Creek. On a map, it's easy to see they form a more-or-less box shape with their names aligned to the sides of the box. On street level, however, it becomes positively absurd when it's possible to turn left onto North Panther Creek but right onto West Panther Creek, rather than the expected South (theses streets also curve a good deal, so you may or may not be headed remotely in the direction their names would suggest). Oh, and then there's another street in The Woodlands that's just plain old Panther Creek, and it is nowhere near the other four streets. There are also no panthers anywhere in The Woodlands, though you might find one at the downtown zoo a good hour's drive away.

Toilet Humor: The town of Clute is jokingly said to be named for the sound of a worker's turd hitting the water after he decided that defecating off the side of the bridge they were building was faster and easier (and possibly cleaner) than actually finding a portapotty. The town was actually just named after yet another founding guy, but that doesn't get any reaction from the tourists.

Noodle Incident: Cultural. Major hurricanes will be referenced by name without any other background.

Specific examples include:

"Allison" - Tropical Storm Allison (note the lack of the word 'Hurricane' here) dumped around 40 inches of rain throughout the Houston region, causing over 5 BILLION dollars of damage! The Texas Medical Center alone lost nearly $2 billion in lost/damaged equipment and samples. Allison was the first Atlantic storm name ever to be retired without ever being a hurricane (as of this edit, there's only been one other).

"Ike" - The hurricane that left millions without power and empty store shelves for weeks, caused millions of dollars in damage, almost wiped out the Bolivar Peninsula and had Galveston Island see destruction unseen since 1900. In other words, the one that SHUT DOWN THE ENTIRE. FREAKING. TOWN.

"Katrina" - Everyone knows this one, but we should note (again) that although the hurricane avoided Houston completely and was not expected to hit the city, it did leave a substantial rain of Louisianans in Houston, many of whom never left.

"Rita" - Hurricane Rita (which was set for landfall mere months after the disaster of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans) threw the city into panic and an attempted mass exodus ensued - attempted being the key word. The roads leading out of town were so congested that many cars ran out of gas simply waiting on the freeways to get out of town. The kicker? Rita veered north and missed Houston nearly completely. This incident was a large reason why so many people failed/declined to evacuate later when the above-mentioned Ike hit, reasoning that the outcome would have just been the same.

"Tax Day floods" - Four days of rain starting on the noted federal deadline that produced floods which some consider to be the worst since Allison. In the north, it was actually worse than Allison. 240 billion gallons of water, the equivalent of three day's worth of all the water flowing through Niagara Falls. And most of it fell on Tax Day itself...In about twelve hours.

And, you guessed it, "Harvey" - The one that somehow managed to top them all. Hurricane Harvey was the strongest hurricane to hit the United States in over a decade and despite not getting a direct hit, it wreaked havoc on the entire Houston metro area. In ONE NIGHT, it matched the devastation that Allison brought to the city... and it was only getting started. When it was all said and done, virtually every part of Houston flooded out as the entire area received about 30-40 inches of rain with a few isolated spots topping 50 inches over the four day event. An estimated 39 TRILLION gallons of water fell in the area. Harvey was responsible for untold billions of dollars in damages and sadly also recorded several fatalities. Officials have dubbed Harvey the worst rain event in the history of the United States.

Sixth Ranger: Houston feels like this sometimes, compared to the other large cities in the United States, especially considering the fact that it is younger than most of them.

Skyscraper City: Houston has one of the most extensive skylines in North America (only New York, Toronto, Chicago, Mexico City, and Panama City are larger or comparable), but because of its lack of zoning laws, the skyline is much more spread out than in many of those places, thus its not nearly as apparent at first. To whit, that picture up there is only a very small portion of Houston's skyline (Downtown) and that's not even a third of the skyscrapers!

Theme Naming: Subverted. Houston's entire freeway system is built on a hub and spoke design, and is probably one of the most perfect examples of this in the world. But their naming system is... off.

For the Hubs:

There's the central hub, which is just four different freeways put together and has no official name. This is probably because nobody but a road geek thinks of it as a hub, rather than just an artifact of how the freeways bypass downtown instead of meeting in the center of it. It's not useful for much of anything on its own.

Interstate 610 Loop aka "Six-Ten", the "Inner Loop" or simply "The Loop", the only interstate loop.

And then there is...Grand Parkway. Another example of non-indicative names as it is neither Grand, nor a Parkway, and while still incomplete, is planned to be a loop.

For the Spokes:

Most of the Freeways emanating from Houston are named after directions: North Freeway (I-45 north of downtown), Northwest Freeway (US 290), Southwest Freeway (US 59 south of downtown), South Freeway (TX 288), and East Freeway (now Baytown East Freeway, I-10 east of downtown).

However, there is no West Freeway, Northeast Freeway, or Southeast Freeway. Instead we have the Katy Freeway (I-10 west of downtown), Eastex Freeway (59 north of downtown), and Gulf Freeway (I-45 south of downtown), respectively. The reason for the Eastex and Gulf having their names is that they were the first to be built, and were both named via contest. Katy was originally the West Freeway but now it is simply named after Katy, Texas.

And there are the plenty of other Freeways in Houston that include: the ones named after cities they pass through (Crosby Freeway, La Porte Expressway, Tomball Parkway), the Toll Roads (Hardy Toll Road, Westpark Tollway, Fort Bend Parkway; the first two are named for roads they run alongside), andthe Spurs (Spur 527, Spur 5, and Spur 330)

Played Straight (originally averted), with the Memorial Villages. Originally, all but one had village in the name, but the last holdout, Spring Valley Village, added village to its name in 2007.

Weather Dissonance: High in the 80's (sometimes even reaching the 90s or 100s) during fall and mild and temperate in the winter. And those mosquitoes? They'll start showing in April.

When It Rains, It Pours: Rain tends to get pretty heavy sometimes, and can lead to the bayous flooding. Some incidents where this went Up to 11 were with Tropical Storm Allison in 2001 and the 2015 Memorial Day and 2016 "Tax Day" rains and floods. Yet those storms paled in comparison to the havoc brought on by Hurricane Harvey in 2017.

Sharpstown. Once a business and residential district of affluence, after a combination of reduced policing and slow city response to its growing problems, it saw a downgrade when neighboring Gulfton collapsed in the 1980's. Even worse, it became so crime and poverty ridden after the fallout of Hurricane Katrina that even the rump suburb of Alief (which has its own problems but also is an international immigrant neighborhood with a lot of Asian and Latin residents) looks down on it.

There is a neighborhood known as Lakewood somewhere in the Houston area; it is, quite literally, a wretched hive of scum and villainy. It's basically Roanapur but somehow smack dab in the middle of Houston.

The Fifth Ward was also essentially Roanapur in Houston during the 80s and 90s, although there has recently been a sharp decrease. While crime is nowhere where it once was, it maintains a reputation as one of the hardest places to do police work in the Houston area and many major chains will not establish shops there.

Acres Homes, Independence Heights (not the good Heights), and Aldine. They all look like various versions of the third world. Acres Homes had no sewage systems until the 1970s.

As mentioned, the unincorporated area of Bacliff has the inexplicable ability to repeatedly fail at forming a local governing body. As a result, there's little in the way of government assistance or police presence, so crime and poverty are rampant. There's also a lot of sex offenders in the area for some reason.

Hiram Clarke. It might sound like some sort of charming New England town going by name alone. It isn't. The place is widely regarded as one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the Houston area due to the drugs flowing through the area and the large numbers of shootings, many of them drive-by in nature and sometimes purely random—the phrase "heard nearly 30 shots" is not unheard of in crime reports in the area.

Gulfton got it pretty bad after the 80's, due to a combination of absurdly bad urban planning, illegal immigration, and a high population density in its numerous apartments. Though most of the illegal immigrants are just trying to get by, unfortunately a lot of problems show up as well since drug mules, dealers, and people trying to steal or scrape together enough money for their next fix make the neighborhood into a tense, dangerous slum.

South Park is another version of the Hive, being really a sister neighborhood of Hiram Clarke. This was the home of several notorious rappers, and the area has had a negative effect on the neighborhoods north of Hobby Airport.

Forum Park is the last thing you will see on 59 south before hitting the south Beltway, and the second-to-last thing you will see before leaving the Houston city limits. Same problems as above, but Forum Park is the Hooker Hub of Houston as well, just for good measure.

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