And come on. Surely Cumberland has a gay-friendly bar, and on the wall of that bar in a place of honor is a picture of Doctor McNinja on his rainbow-striped motorcycle. And men look at it, and pine and sigh, and wait for the day he drops by for a drink.

It always starts the same way. I am in the garden airing my terrapin Jetta when he walks past my gate, that mysterious man in black and white.'Hello Doctor,' I say. 'What are you doing in Dusseldorf?'