Medieval scholars have been rumored to debate the question of, “How many angels can sit on the head of a pin?”. New Covenant School English teacher, Mr. Joel Wilkes, has taken the debate to an entirely new level with the following scholarly essay,

Batman versus Superman: A Common Fallacy of Popular Opinion

Exposing lies and Calling for Truth

By: Joel Wilkes

In our day and age there is a vile myth being spread person-to-person, mind-to-mind and, unfortunately, a number of rather intelligent people have succumbed to the lies surrounding two incredible men. This fabrication has permeated our culture to such an extent that a production company has latched onto the idea and is attempting to leech a profit from this mass hysteria. For the enlightened, it is a sham and nothing short of insulting for these hideous rumors and false assumptions to be even discussed among the masses. As in previous ages, when scandals occurred in the realm of popular opinion, the only response must be one of an unrelenting and aggressive push for repentance towards the truth. For it is truth that will win the day; it is truth that will shine through this seemingly impenetrable darkness of deceit and, like the rising sun brings death to the fading hours of darkness, truth will reveal this abominable fabrication for the lie it so desperately attempts to maintain. For, as anyone who has knowledge concerning Truth, Truth cannot be overwhelmed by lies, rather “the truth shall set you free”[1] from the oppression of contrary popular opinion. As an apologist for Truth, I must launch my appeal to repentance for those deceived, not to show any sort of superior intellect, rather to plead and fight for Truth for the sake of those deceived. For deception is by its very nature something to be rejected; deception’s only goal, its only purpose, is to lead those susceptible away from that which is good and right. Those who are aware of what good and right is and know their difference, have a moral responsibility to proclaim the truth for all to hear. To quote one sage, “with great power comes great responsibility.”[2] Therefore, let it be known, among those deceived and those misinformed, Superman versus Batman is not even a competition; indeed, Superman’s superior speed, strength, invulnerably, experience and moral uprightness give him such an advantage over the mortal Batman, that such a matchup has no competition involved whatsoever.

Clarification may be needed at this point. Those previously mentioned as deceived are not exclusive to the misinformed masses who believe Batman can offer any slight challenge to Superman’s superiority. Those described as deceived also include those who would claim that Superman would win a battle against the Caped Crusader. Those who are blessed with the Truth, or some may say cursed with the responsibility of spreading said Truth, know this to be a more devious form of deception. As mentioned earlier, deception by its very nature must be rejected, but it is also by its nature sly; it is a sickness that can enter the minds through the smallest crack in the wall of understanding. What is most necessary to understand is the Truth that Batman vs. Superman is a red herring; this title leads one to believe that there exists some world or there is some sort of possibility where there is actually a competition involved. Those blessed with the Truth understand this fallacy. There does not exist even the merest of possibility that a match between these two heroes would result in any other outcome besides exemplifying the superiority, both in brute strength and mercy, of The Man of Steel.

It is important to note these two attributes. First, one must understand The Last Son of Krypton’s strength. Now, in this context the term strength extends beyond just a physical strength. It does indeed include Superman’s ability to hurdle cars through space with a flick of his wrist or the power to crush a lump of coal into a diamond, but by strength one must understand this extends to his speed as well. In what way might Batman withstand the supersonic speed of a fist? What possible reaction could Batman have to a foot moving faster than a speeding bullet as it strikes him across the face? These rhetorical questions expose just how limited Batman would be by Superman’s speed alone. Combine this speed with the fact that behind the velocity of a meteorite entering the atmosphere is a fist attached to an arm capable of ripping apart six foot thick metal doors as easily as tearing a sheet of toilet paper, what chance does a mortal man’s face have? Unfortunately, due to the confinements of this essay, one cannot begin to cover other aspects of Superman’s strength, such as his invulnerability and laser vision. Either one of those alone would be sufficient to defeat a mere mortal. But those enlightened are also aware of another important aspect of Superman that makes this discussion irrelevant: his mercy.

The Metropolis Marvel is widely known for his super-human abilities, a few of which are named above. But why does he do what he does? Why does this god-like creature defend and protect the mortals around him? One answer, among many, may provide another ray of light to expose the lie of Batman vs. Superman. What one must understand is Superman is a man of mercy. His mercy is the only thing that surpasses his physical prowess, and it is upon this mercy Batman must fling himself for any hope of survival. For the actions taken by Superman are inspired by his righteous morality to protect and defend those weaker than he. This category includes the millionaire wearing a costume, whose archenemy is a simple psychotic clown. How many hundreds of millions of innocent lives did Superman save by carrying an moon-sized, man-created chunk of rock into outer space? How many lives have been spared from the atrocities of evil men who seek to cause chaos and destruction? Indeed, it is through the mercy of a more-than-man figure to reach out and use his incomparable power to save those less gifted than himself. It is upon this moral high ground that Superman can look down upon Batman, not with scorn or pity, but rather with a willingness to not destroy him on a whim. While this fallacy behind the concept of Batman vs. Superman is solved in a number of different ways, the primary means is a simple answer: Superman gives mercy to a mortal upstart, and therefore would not even engage with such an unworthy opponent.

The enlightened should speak out against this fallacy; nay the enlightened must speak out against it. The Truth must be proclaimed for the sake of the misinformed. Their repentance should be swift upon receiving the facts. Naturally, upon being informed concerning the vast superiority of Superman, both physically and morally, the deceived have no other choice but to flee from their previous lives lived in a lie, and return to the Truth that has always been concerning this non-issue. Only time will tell.