Admitting the horror

It has come to our attention that David has admitted to trying to kill animals with his hands, and with chemicals. I don’t fault David for admitting the horror that he has tried. I don’t fault him for it, it is a symptom of his mental illnesses.

Last year he attacked me more than once and tried to crash our vehicle when we were doing a transport of him to the mental health unit at the hospital. Given that he has admitted these things, and our family has experienced the things that we have from him, why would I just bring him home?

He is my son. And I love him. But.

But he is not the only person to take into consideration. Would it not be considered neglect or abuse to subject the rest of the family to a threat of harm from David? He has shown the propensity to attack in the past, I don’t think for a minute that he is cured either minimally or substantially.

I can’t. I will argue long and hard to keep him in care. As much as reunification should happen, without the support he is receiving in the facility, at home, I just think that this will be a setback for the whole family, most of all it will be a setback for David. How is that fair? Granted, life isn’t fair.

This isn’t the first time that I have thought this. The thought that discharge home would be a setback. I have thought that a number of times over the last 6 years.

So where does this leave us? Potentially, his mom’s teaching license could be in jeopardy. If we are charged with abandonment or something like that for not bringing him home, it could jeopardize her license. On the other hand, David’s story telling about things that he hears and then internalizes as something that happened in our home could be detrimental as well.

An argument could be made that he was telling stories about trying to kill dogs and rabbits, if not for the fact that people have made allegations about him trying to kill their animals before. Plus, we had long known that he tried to poison our dogs, but could never get him to admit it.

It scares me what the future means for David. How do we as a family get past this fear or horror and bring this child we love back home? Is it even possible? It goes beyond the needs of one child.

I was leery about writing about his admission regarding the animals and his attempts to kill them. We do not know if he has ever been successful in doing so. In the end, I decided that awareness of mental health and the issues that families face was more important.

We are begging for help. In the coming week, I will have the opportunity to speak with our state legislature’s Interim Human Services Committee. I hope that they listen.