My coffee shop friend has too much time on his hands

After leaving his parents & shaking the homeless phase, Jeremy decided to take a page from Batman - to fight for justice & train in the Himalayans - realizing how ridiculous that would be, he decided to become the next best thing: A Ninja Turtle.

Waking up the next day under a dumpster, battered & bloodied; Jeremy quickly realized he failed to fill the two most important pre-reqs of his crime fighting career. He was not a mutant turtle, not did he know any form of martial arts. Angered - he grumbled to himself; "You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villian." - Just before he passed out again & was carried off by a stray dog.

So my friend who works at a coffee shop, obviously has too much time on his hands