Trust Issues

Are Your Trust Issues Her Fault?

This week, Doc Love, author of"The System,"helps a reader with his trust issues.

Hey Doc,

I met Mona, 24, at work. From the beginning I knew that she had a boyfriend, but it didn’t matter since we were just friends. She told me she had problems with her boyfriend (a really nice guy, but he was controlling, didn’t like it when she went out with friends, and didn’t communicate or handle problems with her well). She lied to him about hanging out with me because he was so controlling.

Anyway, we went out maybe four or five times outside of work and sometimes met up to talk for a while after work. We also texted extremely often, and before I knew it, we’d drifted into an affair. I know what I did was terrible, but now I can’t take it back. Prior to this, Mona told me that she and her boyfriend were going to break up. She started sleeping at my house, then her boyfriend moved out of her place. She said that there was no going back and that they were finished for good.

During our time together, I’ve grown really insecure about Mona and her boyfriend. In my previous two relationships I also had trust issues, but I always tried to trust Mona and always asked her to tell me the truth and told her that she could talk to me about anything.

For the first couple of months of our relationship, Mona was very protective of her phone. She said it was a habit formed from when she was with her ex because he always checked her phone and her phone should be private. I confronted her about it, and she said that she’d try to end this “habit.” From that point onward she only looked at her phone when I left the room.

Anyway, I figured out Mona’s password since I was curious to see who she’d been texting, and it turns out she’s been texting her ex ever since the beginning. I confronted her about it, and she had several explanations for why she was doing it, including that I seemed obsessed with her relationship with her ex and she didn’t want to upset me. Now all I can think about is that she’s lying about everything. She seems to be quite caring and thoughtful regarding me, but I can’t help thinking she has a hidden agenda.

What do I do now, Doc? I stress about this every minute of the day. I really love Mona, but I just can’t stand the fact that she lied.

Troy - who doesn’t want a liar

Hi Troy,

First of all let, me issue a warning: You have to be careful about becoming a woman’s girlfriend or psychiatrist, which you were dangerously close to becoming with Mona. Once that happens, your chances with her are zero.

Your other big problem here was spending way too much time with a woman who already has a boyfriend. Troy, you shouldn’t have been spending all this time with Mona since she wasn’t free. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Between all the texting and hanging out with this chick, you could have been hustling other women who don’t have boyfriends.”