Tag Archives: mental-health

In my last post, I stated that I had some exciting news. By that, I meant exciting and nerve-wracking.

I quit my day job.

There. Now it’s out and not so bad. But honestly, I am a little anxious about the immediate future. Why?

I’ve decided to freelance and work for myself.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m excited to be working for myself. But those of you who share in my entrepreneurial spirit can empathize with just how challenging working for yourself can be. However, I will reiterate that I am thrilled and can’t wait for the next chapter of my life to unfold.

This was the first week that I had all to myself. It’s been a week in which I rested, took time to get lots of “busy work” done, crossed off several things on my to-do list, and began to draft what my life will now look like in this new structure. And, as always, there are so many things you learn about yourself whenever a big change occurs. For me, I’ve been learning about the importance of limiting my focus.

You see: I’m the classic overachiever. I am unsatisfied if the job done is less than 110% and have high expectations of myself and those with whom I work—i.e. if you’re on my team, you better be ready to kick some ass. There’s nothing wrong with having that kind of work ethic, but when your ego intermixes with achievement and grows en masse, the “intimidation monster” may rear its ugly head in the process. This is what I call “the problem of being good at everything.”

Image via Meme Generator.

In the past, several people have told me that I am intimidating. Those who know me very well wouldn’t describe me as such, but would agree that because I’m demanding of myself, it may come across as intimidating to others. When I was younger and just in the blossoming stages my career, I honestly had no idea why I was labeled in that way. In fact, being the sensitive flower that I am (ha!), I would actually become offended at said label. But now that I’ve finished a ten-year run in the education field, I can actually appreciate those perspectives because I understand where they were coming from.

When you’re a know-it-all and try to take on every task under the sun, you WILL come off as Hermione Granger—and not in a good way. One of the most important things I’ve learned about myself while growing in my career is that my number one strength is strategy. (According to Clifton Strengths Finder.) That means that I can see solutions where many people see puzzles. I can mentally rearrange the “pieces” of a problem and see the whole picture. It’s nothing over which I have control—I was made this way. I am not responsible for this gift. It’s how my brain works. Though it sounds like an amazing skill to possess, it also has its curse. The curse of: the temptation to rescue everyone and solve the problem before they can even attempt to work out a solution for themselves. This is what Liz Wiseman would call an “accidental diminisher.”

People only want to be rescued if they’re drowning. And guess what? Many people in the workforce aren’t drowning; they’re simply looking at different ways to solve problems and may not come to an answer as fast as a strategist. But those of us who rush in too quickly diminish the genius of others. Particularly those of us who have four page résumés. *Guiltily raising my hand.*

I began to realize this especially when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia last year. When I became physically limited, my eagerness to jump in and do everything and save the day was limited as well. Though Fibro is very painful and not something I would wish upon anyone, it has been a good thing. It taught me that I simply cannot do everything for everyone—I am NOT superwoman and that’s okay!

While I learned this lesson, old habits still crept in. I am nowhere near perfect, after all. Taking too much on my “job plate” was a problem and I’d become so overwhelmed that the huge progress I had made in lessening Fibro symptoms would be interrupted by a painful flare up. It sucked.

Finally, I started focusing on myself more—specifically during this year. I was tired of feeling pain, tired of being overwhelmed, and tired of appearing intimidating. I just wanted to be me, enjoy my life, and pursue my passions. This caused me to initiate a mental dialogue with myself that eventually became external dialogues with some of my mentors. One mentor, in particular, said something so simple yet so riveting that it solidified my decision to change my life: “Tamar, you can either spend the rest of your life being good at everything…OR, you can spend the rest of your life being great at that one thing you’re passionate about.” Wow. Talk about conviction!

That conversation sparked events that eventually led to this blog post. Today, my office is a coffee shop and I’ll get to work out with all the retirees at the gym later—before most everyone is out of school and work. And if I want, I can squeeze in a nap, just because I can. But those are not the reasons why I’ve abandoned the intimidating overachiever. It’s much bigger than those perks.

Image via Some eCards.

I’m finally pursuing my passion. The one thing at which I’m going to be great: writing.

Funny thing is, I liked writing when I was younger, hated it while in high school and college, and sort of rediscovered it as a means of mental freedom while penning my first novel, Feast Island, about five years ago. I had such a narrow perspective on writing until it became my liberator from the busyness of life. When it was the thing on which I spent all of my free time. When it evolved into more than just a portion of my job—it developed into my passion.

Now, the plan is to be a freelancer, specializing in copywriting, copyediting, content creation, and other writing services. Hopefully I will be able to have more time to focus on my fiction writing while not engaged in non-fiction writing. (Fiction doesn’t pay the bills quite yet, but here’s hoping!) I’m just about done with my NEW brand and website: helawrite.com. I will loudly announce when it’s ready for reveal, meaning I’ll be available for hire! 🙂 This is scary, new, exciting…all emotions mixed into one ball of anxiety-stricken and joy-filled energy. I’m optimistic about the future and expect failures, successes, and everything in between.

I don’t feel like I’m “finally on the right path”; rather, I feel like I’m on the right path for right now.

All that I experienced in my prior career shaped me to become the ME I am today. It helped me to learn very valuable lessons that I’ve since applied to my life to become better. I’m learning how to let go of things I can’t control. I’m perfectly happy being imperfect. Every day, I come closer to truly understanding that this life isn’t about me, but rather about how I can be used to change the world through my vocation.

To the overachievers and those who “need” to control: guess what? You cannot control everything in life; the more you try to control, the more battles you will fight and lose. LET GO. It’s not about you. Become GREAT by relinquishing control, sharing the spotlight, and being a “multiplier” of talents around you.

To the underachievers: GRAB ON. Find your passion and begin to focus your energies on becoming better and better at that one thing. Become GREAT by being passionate, focused, and intentional. Bring others along side you for the journey.

WARNING: This post will end with rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns. So if you like to stay angry and depressed, don’t read it. However, I WILL start this off with a little negative. Because after all, how can you get to a happy place without releasing the bad stuff?

Last week SUCKED. Not as bad as other weeks I’ve faced in my life, but bad enough to keep me from making my friends sick with my cheeriness. I think they were scared of me, actually.

On Monday, I not only felt exhausted, but discovered that I had just the week to finish a certification to teach health courses this year. I am going to teach them in the summer and MUST be certified. I had paid my fees and took the class last year and procrastinated in finishing. It’s my own stupid fault, but I had NO IDEA that the expiration date was 3/17 until a week ago. It was like reliving my high school days, where I procrastinated on my junior year term paper and pulled an all-nighter just to get a passing grade. That and exhaustion were not a great way to start the week.

On Tuesday, I was NOT feeling well and had a fibromyalgia flare up. Something I haven’t dealt with in quite a while. It definitely stemmed from stress, among other things.

Work was crazy…just CRAZY, with random things going on and major deadlines to meet. Deadlines that I wasn’t expecting.

Wednesday, I woke up with my left eye being swollen shut. When I looked in the mirror, I almost choked on my revulsion from seeing Quasi Modo staring back at me, rather than myself. A stye. A freaking STYE was in my eye. Eyelid, to be exact. That lasted through Saturday. GROSS. So I stayed home from work and worked my butt off to hand-write FORTY-EIGHT pages for that certification course! Six hours straight of study and writing and I still had to finish some things on Thursday.

Thursday, I was still in pain and resorted to wearing my glasses, hoping no one would notice the freakish, swollen eye that made me super attractive.

TGIF. Friday couldn’t have come any sooner. I finally relaxed and could breathe by the afternoon. I slept in both days during the weekend and mailed in my materials for certification. Along with a nice note, of course. I felt the need to suck up a bit, since I had been such a tool by doing the work so last minute.

But as I recovered over the weekend, I read various books for leisure and re-centered myself and my priorities. I felt a sense of conviction. I know that we all have ridiculous weeks and it can’t be helped. It’s okay to whine and cry a bit because, regardless of “first world problems”, we are all human and cannot be superheroes–even if we are richly blessed. I am grateful for my friends and family being empathetic to my situation and pain last week. But I am also grateful for the reminder to think positive. To utilize the power of affirmations.

Most of the time, even when things become difficult, I still have a hope that things thrown at me aren’t so bad; I can deal. And I didn’t realize that what I have been doing all along is thinking in an affirmative, positive light…almost feeling affirmations and visualizing a positive outcome. When I read a book that focused on affirmations, just a few days ago, I had this “aha” moment and laughed at the ridiculousness of last week. I couldn’t help but think: If I had said more positive affirmations to myself last week, even through a very trying time, would I have felt better sooner? Would I have felt more rested rather than exhausted?

We often forget the power of visualizing and the mind. Just having hope, or faith alone–or whatever you call it–can truly change our physical, emotional, and mental/spiritual feelings. Yesterday, being in a better place than last week, I still felt exhausted. But I decided to try something. I said an affirmation aloud, maybe 30 times, until I truly believed it: “I am going to have a great day.” And guess what? I had more than a great day. I wore confidence just as well as wearing my pretty dress. I had a smile on my face all day. I felt good and looked good. People were drawn to me and I left their company with them feeling good, too. It was amazing, because I actually realized what I was doing; what I had power to do.

So here’s the rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns part: Give yourself permission to be human. We ALL are. But also try a positive affirmation–DAILY. Get over yourself and your fears/apprehensions/anxieties. Give in to the power of being positive and see what happens. I don’t care what situation you are in. It could be the most dire and horrible. Visualize the positive. If you have your mind and the ability to reason, you have a very valuable tool. USE IT. Plain and simple. The less we complain about our situations and the more we begin to count our blessings, radiate cheerfulness, and smile, the more we begin to not only feel there is good coming…it WILL come. I truly believe that! The more positive I am, the more good things happen for me. The more negative I am, the more I suffer and have less to offer others.

From chibird.com

Your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to create one affirmation for yourself for the rest of the week. Remember that an affirmation contains no negatives and it must be personal. Say that affirmation 10 times aloud, each day. And then see what happens. I bet that you will have a great week and will make others surrounding you feel good, too. And how could you not want that?