Saturday, November 17, 2012

(I apologize for this post being over 2 weeks late. We have been majorly sleep-deprived over here so this post has taken me a week to write!)

(Lemon laughing!)

Can you belive the title of this post? 4 months - what the heck?! TIME FLIES. (And I am two weeks late in posting this, she is 4.5 months in these pics!)And I'm back to blogging during lunch at school - I have missed this! Our iMac at home is so old, it would take me forever to load pics and type and I was always worried that at any moment I would get that spinning color wheel of death and have to restart, thank goodness for auto save on here! So, my old Dell computer, I have missed you. (And I just took a picture of this blog post to put on Instagram for #thirtydaysofthanksgiving for this very reason!)So much to say that has happened this past month, where and how do I start? The theme of this month has definitely been sleep because our little lady has put her daddy and mommy through the ringer this month. As my friend Amber on IG said, she is nervous about having another baby not because of pregnancy or labor but because of the dreaded "4 month wakeful period." I totally agree with her, it has been crazy around our house! Lemon has gotten a new nickname - Ms. No Naps McGee and I am more tired than I have been in this whole journey. Ian and I both agree that 4 months is the toughest so far, it's hard to do anything on no sleep and there were nights we were up every 45 minutes when her pacifier fell out of her mouth.

(A seriously sleep-deprived mama and baby, right in the middle of it all and trying her out in bed instead of in the crib. It didn't work.)

(Talking instead of napping.)

Now I know you probably have a ton of suggestions for me and I seriously have tried them all. Swaddled, unswaddled, pacifier, no pacifier, nap nanny, laying flat, sleeping with us, sleeping with us in nap nanny, nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep, bouncing around the room listening to Frente (an Australian band from my high school years) - we've seriously tried it all. A couple of nights ago Lemon didn't go to bed until 11pm (this made me reminisce about her early days at home with us!) and her bed time is usually 7! There was a week there where we were up every 45 minutes to an hour and then walked around like zombies the next day. It has been so crazy and we haven't really come up with any great fixes for the situation except for letting her just nap on us right after eating (a bottle with daddy or a boob with me). She just would not nap there for a week straight, then was so overtired at night so would not sleep and it was just this vicious cycle of none of us sleeping. And my mom, my angel, had a cold so of course offered to help but couldn't come over for fear the baby would get sick! It has seriously been one of the roughest months and just when I feel like it is subsiding (like she only wakes up twice during the night like she used to), then it moves to her not wanting to go to bed. It is always something! I downloaded the Wonder Weeks app (at Caitlin's suggestion on IG) and this is the black thunder/lightning cloud area (for another week) so that could be it (but we are almost in the clear!).

I guess at 4 months they are just learning so many new skills like rolling over and grasping things with their thumbs that when it comes to sleeping and eating, they don't want to take the time to do it. I read a really great article that said that babies this age are up at night because they don't really take the time to eat like they used to during the day, they are too disracted, so they may be waking up to eat more at night (not bottle fed babies of course because you know they are eating the same amount as always). So, I started feeding the babe when she woke up at night, thinking that was it, and even tried giving her formula so that her tummy would be full for longer - but the same stuff continued and now I think I was left with a baby who got food every time she cried so of course she was up every hour! I created this monster, or at least helped create it, and now we are just trying to figure out how to undo some things and also how to get her to nap so she sleeps better at night.

Ian is a life saver (as I continue this post almost a week later) because he has found a way to put her to sleep for naps, and get her to stay asleep! He just holds her on the couch while watching TV and then puts her in bed when she falls asleep. I even did it last weekend and this weekend but just kept holding her while she slept and it was SO much better than fighting with her in the crib. I know, I know, another awful habit we will have to break her of eventually but right now it is working and these sleep-deprived parents really needed a solution - and fast! So, for the past week, she has been napping and sleeping really good (aside from last night when it finally got chilly in AZ and I had to turn the heat on) and we are feeling more and more like humans again every day. It is crazy what 45 minutes to an hour of sleep at a time will do to you, and your baby. We almost lost it there a couple of weeks ago, thank goodness for her getting her shots to break the "no sleep, sleep cycle!" Things are definitely looking up, at least for now! It seems as though these sleep issues are really common for little ladies around this time and all of my IG mommy friends are suffering just like us. I hope it passes for us all and our girls figure out how to sleep better during the night - I'd kill for that 6-8 hour stretch I used to get during those newborn days! But, am so thankful for my 4-5 hour stretch right now, it is so AWESOME when you had weeks of only an hour of sleep at a time!

Some major accomplishments this month (I might as well cut to the chase or I will NEVER finish this post!)? Baby girl can really hold her head up high during tummy time and doesn't get as mad as she used to (but still gets mad eventually). Ian said she rolled over three times from her back to her stomach last week (but didn't tell me until this weekend because he knew I would be sad I missed it), and just yesterday it seems like Lemon has found her voice more - she babbles all the time now. Mostly bababababa sounds and lots of laughs and giggles, it is SO CUTE! (See all the videos below!) It also seems like her personality is really coming out and she doesn't just get upset at nothing anymore. Usually the only time she is fussy is when she's tired and at night from about 4:30-5:30 (right during dinner) before bath time, feeding and bed. It is tough to do anything at night, which I don't like, but I do like her early bed time because if she is asleep by 7:30, which she usually is, that leaves about an hour and a half for mommy and daddy time (TV, snuggles, sleeping!). She loves her play mat, loves to be naked (daddy has her bottomless most of the day to air her out), isn't really a fan of rice cereal (but is slowly figuring that out too), is a better sleeper than she has been in a month, is letting daddy put her back to bed in the middle of the night (SUCH a nice break for me!), smiles at us, is content with just laying flat on the floor to play with her toys, loves grabbing things (especially our phones when we are trying to take pictures) and is a fan of the Infant Visual Stimulation app that shows images in black, white and red and plays music. She continues to be enthralled with the dogs, and Einstein (the parrot), and people (she comes to school for lunch with me on Fridays and loves all the new people she meets). She is still in love with her mom and dad but is getting better about other people holding her, just a bit. She does like just looking at all of the different faces and smiles at everyone she meets. She is a really happy baby, is really smart and vocal, and has a super silly personality. She is becoming less of a baby to me and more just like a member of our house, that's how well we are getting to know her. I hardly think of her as a baby, she is just a person that lives here with us that entertains us on a daily basis.

(This is the first time she grabbed her foot. Now she always has a foot or a hand in her mouth! The pediatirician said she is probably teething.)

She still likes being swaddled when she sleeps and at the suggestion of another IG mom (thanks @jen_bunnie!), we ordered two Woombies (one with legs and one without) and they are super easy to put on, just a zip up instead of all the velcro and wrapping of a Summer Infant Swaddler, and allow Lemon's arms to move around underneath, hopefully preparing her for not being swaddled one day. Is she still in her nap nanny inside the crib? Yep. We tried putting her flat, unswaddled, one day and she flipped and did not nap. I think we are going to have to conquer this sometime soon, though, because after January my mom and others will be watching the baby so she will have to learn to sleep flat and anyone, not just in her crib. I am thinking the swaddling can stay, for now, but maybe over Thanksgiving break we can ditch the nap nanny - maybe. We will see how sleeping is going by then. Remember that list I made on my 3 month post of things I wanted to remember for next time? Well here are so more - no pacifiers, no swaddling, no incline - because then you have to break them of all of these habits eventually! So many moms are telling me that breaking the swaddling is no big deal because one day she will just bust out and be done with it - I hope so. The incline is what I'm most nervous about, and the fact that the nap nanny is so small and cushy and the crib is so big and not - may be frightening to such a little muffin. We will see (and I will keep you posted for sure!).

(I cut the Summer Infant swaddler and made it have legs and then sewed them up so we could strap her in to her nap nanny.)

(And a side view of her in the nap nanny inside the crib! She's so tiny in that big crib!)

I am just starting to feel like this is my life and I am finally getting the hang of it, just now after 4.5 months. Isn't that weird? All this time it felt so temporary and like I was just a guest in this world trying to figure everything out but just this last week I am feeling more comfortable and realizing this is our life and we are just going with it. Maybe it was my return to work? Who knows. (More on this in a bit.) I was worried that it would be tough working all day and then coming home to a baby and it being her fussy time and then that would be non stop craziness until her bed time and then I would just be so worn out. But, I'm not. Anyone that knows me well knows that I like to lounge, and am kind of a master at it, but ever since Lemon came along I am always busy folding laundry, organizing her room, cleaning out clothes that don't fit, washing diapers, etc. I may not be doing a lot of house stuff, now that I'm back at work, but I haven't stopped with the baby stuff for sure. It is hard for me to just sit now and I was always worried about this. Would I have enough energy to keep up with a baby, especially after working all day? The answer is yes, it just comes.So, you are probably all wondering about my return to work (a BIG thanks to my friends, family, Amber, Julia and my other mommy friends for being so supportive and encouraging). It has definitely been interesting and coming back to 5 classes of over 150 16 year-olds has been crazy, especially since they have all been in school for 3 months but for me it feels like I just started. The kids have actually been AMAZING. They had a really old substitute who didn't follow any of my lessons/calendars and just taught them what he thought they should learn (like his role in the Vietnam war and his life in his retirement home). So when I returned they were so happy to just be rid of him so it has been really good for me, so far. Plus, I am totally different style of teacher than those "by the book" types so if a teacher/sub has a problem with a student, I don't really want to hear about it because I won't normally have a problem with him/her. I only have one rule in my classes - you respect me and I will respect you. It's simple and even after 12 years of teaching I've never had a fight in my room (and I teach at an inner city school where fights happen almost weekly). Going to work that first week, even just for three days, was hard, it was a weird transition from being a mom at home to a mom at work. Plus, I hadn't been at school since May, when I wasn't a mom at all just a pregnant lady (ha!), so I had never been a mom at my school before so it felt a little strange.

(Ian snapped this pic the morning I left, sad but trying to be happy.)

(Pumping at work - it sucks. I had never been much of a pumper before and only have about 70 ounces frozen so pumping for like 15-20 minutes in my classroom is a committment. I have to lock the door, put a sign outside to not unlock it, we share keys on our floor, put a covering over the window, hook it all up, plug it in and then sit and do it. Plus, I had to buy a mini fridge so I wouldn't have to walk somewhere to store it, something I totally recommend, make it easy and convenient and you will continue to do it. I have successfully done it every day and will continue to as long as I can, but it just sucks. You are busy at work as it is and now have to find time to do one other thing, sometimes it's hard. And, if she isn't up in the morning before I go, I have to pump in the car,I carpool, or when I get to school before class starts. Inconvenient and annoying but I'm happy she is still getting breast milk when I'm not there so I will do it for her. More specifics about pumping, below.)

I don't think people realize but being a mother is a lot of letting go - and it starts when you are pregnant. You let go of your old body and instead have this new one with all of these rules on what you can/can't eat and what you can/can't do. Then you have the baby and can't be yourself for a couple of months because things just aren't right with your bod and then you have this baby who requires a lot from you and you don't really feel like yourself at all then either. And you are at home, not working, not exercising (if this was a part of your routine), not drinking (because of nursing) and still not eating everything you want (if you have a baby who has a dairy, or something else, intolerance). So really from the moment you find out your pregnant until about the time you return to work (or do something else that resembles your "old life") you don't really feel like yourself. And I figured out this week that mine was being a teacher. We leave behind so much, as mothers, and dads get some of it back right away (Ian's band practice, returning to work sooner, playing shows, etc.) but moms don't. Until I walked into hot yoga, fit in some of my old clothes (more and more each day now!) and went back to school - I still felt like I was just a shadow of my former life. So, returning to school has really made me quite content, for the moment, because it brings me back to who I was before this all started, and I get the best of both worlds. I am not pregnant anymore (thank God!), am 6 pounds away from where I was before I got knocked up, am looking and feeling more like my old self each day (sounds trivial but is IMPORTANT) and now am a teacher again, something that I've been for the past 12 years of my life. It has been kind of fun, kind of weird, kind of scary but kind of liberating all at once. And although it was tough at first, it is getting easier every day. Now I know that Lemon is just a baby and won't remember any of this, and I know that the older she gets it will be harder to be away, like when she realizes I'm leaving her, but for now I can handle this and I am kind of enjoying it. Wait - did I say that?!

Before I write this next part I feel that I have to add in a sort of disclaimer. I believe that all moms "work" whether they stay at home or return to a place of business. Being a stay at home mom is definitely work, more than I ever realized until I attempted it myself. However, it is not something that I choose to do at this point in my career, nor is it something that I think I would enjoy doing, at least right now, every day. However, the moms that do - I totally respect because it is a HARD job, and definitely a JOB all its own. Also, regarding planning to have a baby vs. not planning and having a steady income vs. not having one: I have many ladies in my life who had babies "by accident" and who are great mommies, planning doesn't make one better than the other of course. I also know a lot of families that don't have a lot of money who are also great parents. I do not think that planning to have a baby or having money makes you a better parent, it was just the choice that we made in our relationship. Continuing to work gives us the income we want to enjoy life the way we'd like to, and that works for us. Planning to have a baby was something we decided on together so that we could get to know each other, work at our relationship a bit, travel, and spend some quality time just the two of us before introducing someone else into the mix. I realize that in writing this blog, on a public forum, many will read it and not all will share my views. But, please remember that it is my place to ramble and sort through my thoughts, so I'd like to keep it as honest and sincere as possible. Whatever you choose works for you and I respect that, totally. Just like everything else in this journey of motherhood/parenthood I will stand by the idea that "whatever works for you and your family is the right thing to do."I never really wanted to be a stay at home mom, and for now I am happy not being one, but we will see what happens later. I had a career before I got pregnant, something I have a Master's Degree in, something I've done for 12 years and something I really do enjoy - it's hard to just walk away from that even though I do miss Lemon during the day (of course). Plus, Ian and I make almost $100,000 a year with our incomes combined - that's hard to walk away from too, even if we were having to pay for child care. I like being able to do things, afford things and buy things - I have worked hard to be where I am today and like that I can provide for my daughter and buy the things we want, when we want them. (I know that sounds materialistic but it is the truth.) We waited until we were older, and together for awhile, to have kids for this reason, so that we could enjoy each other, have the life we wanted, the things we wanted and then have a baby and do the same for her. So for now, this works for us. Ian is home, until we both go back after Christmas break (he's a teacher at my school too) and maybe then I will feel differently but I'm pretty content for now. We will get through this year, until May, and then figure it out. My best friend gave me the best advice - a lot of moms return to work, this is common, so don't stress about it. And, watching Grey's Anatomy this week (do you watch?) when Meredith dropped her daughter off at Callie's and Callie said to her that it's good for her daughter to see her working, achieving, and that this is something to instill in her, so that one day she will have the same drive because she saw her mother do it. That really hit home for me this week (and something this sad mommy needed to hear). I respect stay at home moms, I do, it is harder to stay at home than I ever thought it would be (and now Ian agrees!) but working moms I respect just as much - it's hard to leave your babe. Both have tough jobs - all moms are definitely superheros in my book!

A note about pumping and bottles (for all those moms returning to work in the future). We hadn't given Lemon a bottle for almost 2 months so we had to try it again the weekend before I went back to work. I exclusively breast feed her with some formula thrown in (only these past couple of weeks) a bit before bed and some rice cereal (we did it for about a week and now we are over it). Both I tried to see if it would help her sleep better - both did not help! My favorite bottles are the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature or the Avent Natural ones - the ones most like breasts. I did the Kelly Mom milk calculator to find out how much milk she drinks during one feeding (about 4.2 ounces) so Ian gives her 4.5 ounces a feeding while I'm gone. She drinks about 3 bottles during the day (6-7am, 10-11am, 2-3pm) and then I feed her twice at night when I'm home (sometimes the afternoon one because I'm home by 4pm and then at 6pm before bed). Sometimes I feed her before I leave (I have to be on the road by 7am) but sometimes I don't so I have to pump twice at school instead of just once. I am losing a feeding time during the day but I teach from 8am-12pm, four classes in a row, so I can't pump around 10am when I would normally feed her. For now, the 12-12:30pm pumping results in over 7 ounces of milk so it's like my ladies are still storing up from that missed feeding; I hope they continue to do that. I normally get about 3-4 ounces when pumping, on schedule, so I'm thinking Lemon probably eats more than just 4.2 ounces per feeding (that was the max on the calculator though) so I'm wondering if I should up her bottle amount (they say you only pump 60% of what your baby actually drinks). Ian said she doesn't seem hungry or extra fussy and she naps well so I have no idea. I think most of my mommy friends are doing about 4-5 ounces for their 4-5 month olds right now too, right? (Chime in if you think I need to be giving her more!) She has about 7 feedings per day (before I returned to work) so Ian gives her 2-3 while I'm gone, I give her 2 when I get home (if she hasn't had that afternoon one yet), 1 at night and 1 in the morning if I'm there and she's up. Pumping is annoying, especially since I teach high school, but worth it for now. We do have formula at home, we use it to mix the rice cereal, and I am not opposed to using it if we need an ounce or two to top off some bottles during the day, but right now I am producing enough to leave the baby (and have enough frozen to supplement). In the beginning I had hoped to nurse until 3 months and then when I passed that milestone I now say 6 months. But as that gets closer and closer I kind of secretly want to go a year if I can. Pumping has brought on a whole new feeling to my nipples (sorry TMI!) though so they are sore sore sore like they were in the beginning, and I think Lemon has a hand (or mouth) in this because bottles come out faster than nipples sometimes and so she gets impatient and pulls off during feedings. She also likes to arch her back, kick off the couch or pillows and turn her head, all while my nipple is in her mouth. But, like in the beginning, they will become immune to this and will get better, I hope. We are hanging in there for now and I really do enjoy the bonding time with her. If you'd like to read a more detailed post on pumping and being a working mom, go to Julia's blog post (she wrote about it with more thought and detail than I could have!).

How is Ian doing staying at home? Well, you will just have to wait for my next post about his role as Mr. Mom. If you follow him on Instagram (@spiritbee) you probably know that he is having a great time with Lemon, but he agrees that it's a tough job to be home with her all day. More on this, stay tuned! (My favorite thing to write!)

Oh and one more thing. We have let go of the prefold cloth diapers and Thirsties Duo Wrap snap covers, finally, because Lemon was outgrowing them (we had the size 1 covers) and we had a crazy case of diaper rash that wouldn't go away (I think I need to strip our prefolds but don't have white vinegar and keep forgetting to buy some). They worked well for when she was so little but the bigger she got the more the snappi just seemed too tight on her. So, I recently bought 6 more FuzziBunz one size pocket diapers (from thanksmama.com - best deal but they are on target.com and amazon.com too) that can be adjusted (with elastic and snaps) to fit all throughout your babe's life until potty training. I love these diapers (we actually got two as a present and I just bought 6 more because they are so easy) and hope to buy even more in the future (they run about $100 for 6 new with inserts). I have read many reviews on the FuzziBunz one size vs. the Bum Genius one size 4.0 and they are pretty mixed. However, I think we will get 6 of the Bum Genius ones to try (they say they aren't good for newborns but are ok for older babies) and then I can post my thoughts about both. As I was linking this post to Julia's blog, above, I saw that she just wrote a post about cloth diapers and she uses the Bum Genius ones (that are almost exactly like our FuzziBunz ones)! So, if you are interested (and why would I rewrite about cloth when she did such an amazing job?) read her post! I, like her, am a huge fan of cloth diapers, think they are WAY better than disposables (for leaks, comfort, non-toxic and for the environment) and would suggest them to any new mom.

Ok enough with the words, now for the pics! Some good camera pics first:

(We saw the pediatrician on Monday, October 29th, right before the Wednesday I went back to school. It was also right in the middle of Ms. No Naps McGee so they suggested we give her rice cereal at night. This was her first taste of solids! She wasn't really a fan but since then we make it thicker, thanks Morgan, and she likes it better.)

And iPhone pics oldest to newest (which of course I will narrate):

(Ian went to play a show at Roosevelt Lake in the middle of October so Reggie and Ashley came to visit, my nephew and sister-in-law.)

(This was during the No Naps McGee phase and I think I had spent all day trying to get her to nap so I got her up and dressed and we walked to Starbucks instead. I hope you can't steal my identity with my debit card in this pic!)

(A tummy time pro!)

(Our last Mommy & Me yoga class was on October 23rd. It was so sad to know that we would not be going back every week after that class. I posted this on FaceBook and Instagram and will post it here as well: The only piece of advice I will give new moms is to join something. I am so happy I went to that prenatal yoga class back in March because it was there I met so many wonderful moms and became a part of a mom group. It has helped me so much and I am so happy I met those amazing women, and another one at my hot yoga class! These pics were from Ann's last class on October 16th, she went back to work as a teacher too, a week before me!)

(Of course Ms. No Naps fell asleep for all of five minutes like she usually does.)

(Lemon and Livvy, Melissa's daughter - my hot yoga friend!)

(I remember this day like it was yesterday, we had a good nap this day and both mommy and baby were happy campers!)

(Our last Costco trip with Aunt Christie was that same week!)

(Went to the zoo!)

(Out to lunch with Sir Greg, my dad.)

(Last swimming class with her mama. My favorite and hers too I think!)

(Morning smiles, my absolute favorite. I miss these every day I'm at work!)

(Video of her waking up, seriously the best!)

(When you stay home with your babe you have to fill the hours, especially when they don't nap! Sometimes we had play time in our bumbo with all of the toys she really doesn't care about yet.)

(Falling asleep on mama with her mouth wide open, I miss this too! At least we sill have weekends.)

(This month she has really been interested, finally, in the dogs. She LOVES them and Linus, the schnoodle, loves her and licks her likea puppy. Zoe, our old dog, really doesn't care about her but has started to come up and sniff her and Zipper likes her but is a little too hyper so we have to tell her to back off all the time. But Lemon sure does love them! Watching the dogs in this pic.)

(Our friend, Melissa's, baby's daddy manages a bar down the street from our house. They had an anniversary party so we all went to celebrate on a Sunday afternoon. My mom watched the babe and it was fun being out with the other moms and having a full converstation without attending to our babies!)

(The boys, talking about movies or Ghostbusters or something.)

(Mostly moms and a bottle - Melissa's daughter was there since her boyfriend is the manager!)

(Our last Mommy & Me yoga class!)

(Melissa and Livvy)

(Tired, always tired.)

(This is what happens when you hand your phone to a very old man, who volunteered, to take a picture of your last Mommy & Me lunch. Oh well.)

(Morning entertainment!)

(Our baby is a peach from the time she wakes up until about 4:30pm. Then, from 4:30 to 6pm she is a pill. This is how it is usually while we try to eat dinner!)

(Food Truck Friday with Sir Greg!)

(After lunch with my dad I headed to school the weekend before I went back to set up my classroom. My little helper made it hard to get anything done!)

(We also went to Schnepf Farms, that weekend, with our friends to celebrate Halloween! Melissa and Livvy looked so cute!)

(Livvy and Lemon)

(After the pumpkin patch and hay ride we headed to the in-laws for a pre-Halloween potluck. Reggie, our nephew, was a pirate and Lemon was an ewok!)

(My dad came with us to our 4 month pediatrician appointment on the Monday before I returned to school that Wednesday. I knew that our muffin would be sad and need her mommy the day after her shots so I arranged to go in early, before she was actually 4 months that Friday, to get them done. And of course we had to wait and wait, they always make us wait so long there with a baby!)

(Our daughter is apparently not getting any taller but has a HUGE head!)

(Complaining to me after her shots, she did this last time too. Does anyone else's baby do this? So weird but so cute!)

(We left the pediatrician's office and headed right to Walgreens to get some rice cereal. We were desperate to have Lemon sleep/nap more than just 45 minutes at a time so we were up for anything. Poor baby, right after her shots we stuff her face with something new! Did it work? That night, yes, because she was drugged, but any other night? Nope. I think it was just a phase because after a couple of weeks she is now back to a semi-normal sleep at night and is taking naps like a champ with her daddy during the day!)

﻿Ian's iPhone pics (newest to oldest):

(The zoo with daddy.)

(Ok, so this is probably the most embarrassing part of this month. I hit a car going about 10mph trying to merge to exit the freeway during traffic. This was right in the middle of our not sleeping for weeks phase and I was TIRED. We saw the car, think he didn't see us or was going to fast to stop, but I got the ticket and we had to spend an hour on the side of the road during fussy time and when Lemon was super hungry. So, I fed her in the backseat while the police assessed the situation. Ian of course had to snap pics "for the blog!" Everyone was fine, we were going really slow and our car just has a 2 foot long scratch on it. Ugh.)

(Daddy is practicing rapping 90's rap songs for a pre-show set at a bar his band is playing at later this month. He likes to practice on Lemon and she giggles, she loves her crazy daddy!)

(Her new thing is also to grab daddy's facial hair and pull, he obviously loves it.)