It's just easier for me...

I have heard, "It's just easier for you. You wouldn't understand", so many times. I think it's time to tell my story.

I have never been skinny. I remember in High School, I decided to take up running because I wanted to have a "runners body". That didn't work. I am not built that way. I was not created to be a runner. Once I started running, it became like a bad boyfriend, giving you just enough to keep hanging on, then ultimately disappointing you, time and time again. You start to think that you need to do more cardio to burn more fat. It makes sense--Calories in, Calories out. Simple. Right? I ran and ran and ran and ran. I started running 9 miles a day. Running marathons, mini marathons and never really getting anywhere with my body.

It IS easier for me. I like to worXout. I LOVE to worXout. WorXing out is my passion. It is easier for me because I follow my heart. My heart is worXing out. That probably doesn't make sense to most people. That's ok. I love the way it makes me feel. I have never lost any faith, even when my body did not look the way I wanted it to. I am one of the lucky ones. Following my heart doesn't make anything EASY. I could never bring myself to do something for money or turn away from my purpose for any extrinsic reasons. I see people getting frustrated everyday because they don't see results right away. Exercise has never frustrated me. I've always been so thankful for worXing out. So thankful every single lift, every set, every rep. I love everything about it. For that, I AM LUCKY.

I've carried, birthed and breastfed 3 children. Kids are like little body snatchers. You have no control over your body. Your body is never the same again. Everybody said, I would lose so much weight breastfeeding. NOPE. Not a single pound, until I was completely done. And then about 6 months later, when my hormones somewhat evened out, I was able to start losing weight. That never stopped me. I am a breastfeeding natzi. I fell in love with breastfeeding my kids. The time together and connection is like no other feeling on this planet. This is more important than my body and my vanity. Being a professional trainer, this is hard. I had a lot of support from my awesome clients, but always felt substandard. I could not understand why by body didn't respond the way other people's bodies had. WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR ME? (trust me, I've been there--victim, why me...)

Turns out hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, I was pregnant and breastfeeding during one of the busiest time of my life. (so far). I was running a business, as the SOLE trainer--working 60-70 hours/week & cleaning my gym on the weekends. I would pump(breast pump) while my clients warmed up and my babies were always fed. I also completed a MBA program during this time. There were times I was the sole provider of my family. There was a lot of pressure on me and my business. My 3rd baby had emergency surgery @ 6 weeks and we were in the hospital for a week, life was turned upside down in the blink of an eye. Me and My goals took a back seat. I think that any mother can relate to this. I always got my worXout in, but my body was never really something to be proud of. I would even be embarrassed to tell strangers I was a personal trainer. After all, I really didn't have time to tell them my story. I felt they would just judge me on my body.

Finally, my littlest stopped breastfeeding. (at about 18 months.) I signed up for something that scared me, SEALFIT. I discovered something in me, I had NO IDEA was in there. I can be a MOM and a BAMF! I really thought after kids, that is the whole world. It is possible to have your own goals, motivation and light your fire. Not only did my body respond, so did my life. I have never been happier. I loved training for something that made me shoot out of bed in the morning. I was ON FIRE! I have learned so much from my experience with SEALFIT and my year journey to KOKORO 46!

I am doing what my body was created to do--have babies and lift weights! I finally dropped my bullshit excuses and worked a plan. I would always think, well I eat better than most people, well I worXout more than most people, blah blah blah. I leaned into the hard and finally did what was right for me, not "most people". Forget Most People. Do what works. Lift Weights, eat protein, say NO to anything that doesn't help you get closer to your goals. I am here to shine my light. I am here to be the best version of ME. Stop comparing yourself to anybody else! Be the best YOU.

My Fire Burns HOT. I can't wait to get out of bed everyday to get closer to my goals!!!! Better and Better everyday. iworXout!