Oh, And One Other Thing: True domestic violence awareness

October 13, 2003|By Peter Comings, News Editor

It's a story I've covered almost each year during my brief eight years in journalism. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.

The women I've talked with have been remarkable examples of resiliency, bouncing back from some of the worst cases of abuse I've ever heard: physical beatings; controlling husbands or boyfriends who remove sparkplugs from cars so women can't leave while their partners aren't home; and verbal abuse which, in some cases, finally convinces the abused that she's not worth the life God gave her.

But without taking anything away from their need for help and salvation, the side of the story that goes under-recorded and under-reported is abuse inflicted upon men.

I take exception to a comment made by Brooke Oliver, counselor at the Women's Resource Center of Northern Michigan, who said in a recent letter to the editor, "Some people believe that women are just as abusive as men. The reality is that the majority of domestic abuse (95 percent) is perpetrated by men. As a community, we need to hold these men accountable for their abusive behavior."

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The statement is unnecessarily offensive, apparently lashing out at one more group of people who need help by misidentifying them with the perpetrators of domestic violence against women. Don't misread her remark to say that 95 percent of men commit abuse.

Oliver does not report where she found her information concerning how much abuse, as a percentage, is committed by whom. And I don't have any research to offer a figure of my own. There is just my gut feeling that men - whom some segments of society still expect to be strong physically and emotionally at all turns - may not even recognize themselves as victims of domestic violence, let alone be inclined to report it.

I think people have made great strides in recognizing women as victims of domestic violence. Law enforcement officials receive at least limited training on the subject of how to approach and understand battered women. The "good ol' boy" system, so often referred to as the one that encouraged women to take their abusive spouses back after they had a chance to sleep of a bender, is slowly receding nationwide before laws requiring mandatory arrests for alleged abusers.

Although the bias would be understandable, Oliver should save her concern, if that's what it is, that women will receive less consideration if abused men received more.

It would seem we could all have just a little more room in our hearts.

Oh, and one other thing. I have nothing but respect for the work Oliver and her coworkers perform. Would that there was a time that the words "domestic violence situation" didn't have to appear in Police Blotter. But it seems to me that day can only come when all victims are recognized for who they are.