Thursday, April 30, 2009

We’ve all seen it happen too many times, perhaps even had it happen in our own dating lives. An upstanding, mature and beautiful woman ends up wasting her time on a ne’er do well. A small handful of theories can explain this.CLICK HERE to find out what these theories are.

Friday, April 24, 2009

I saved a bee andthought of you yourkids with theirbeetles in their littlepaper cups as theyrun through thekitchen to depositthem outside such youngsweetness suchkindness such love – whichwas surely not the case with mybumblebee – yes, I saved himand freed him in the yard – but justbecause he wouldsplat too fat on mywindow.

The 69-year-old lady had been walking down the street minding her own business when the stately bird, complete with a 7-foot wingspan, swooped down and plucked the purse from her hands. She watched as the bird landed with the purse on the sidewalk and pecked through the pocketbook’s contents.

Police later found the bird hiding in a field and discovered it was a trained eagle that had gotten loose. They returned the bird to its owner who explained he usually fed the eagle out of a bag that looked similar to the woman’s purse.

This Furry Friends File was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

Six unnatural deaths in Tucson this week, ranging from a jail inmate who allegedly overdosed to a random shooting at a car wash.

The jail inmate, age 22, was just one day away from a plea deal he was about to make in his case. He was charged with first-degree murder and child abuse in the death of his girlfriend’s 5-month-old whom he was supposed to be babysitting while the girlfriend was at work. The baby died under his care.

The random car wash shooting happened at night on the South Side, which is not the best place to be. Two dudes were vacuuming out their vehicles around 11 p.m. when a third vehicle pulled up, a guy got out and shot both of the vacuuming dudes. One guy died and the other was bloodily wounded.

Three other unnatural Tucson deaths were from car crashes. One was a head-on collision that killed both drivers. The other was a highway collision that killed one passenger. In both cases the drivers lost control of the vehicles and veered into oncoming traffic for unknown reasons.

Death number six was a 24-year-old found murdered in his rental home. No motive, no explanation, no more information given by authorities.

This Gloom and Doom Ballooon was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

Bras can be wholly annoying, constricting and even gauche – but one also possibly saved a Detroit woman’s life.

The 57-year-old lady heard a neighbor’s burglar alarm and went to the window to see what was going on, reported Metro newspaper. One of the burglars fired a shot that shattered her window and made a beeline right for the lady’s chest – instead of blasting into her ribcage, however, the bullet was deflected by her bra’s underwire.

A few questions on this one – what brand of bra was that and where can I buy one? But the even bigger question: why do people go to the window when they hear mayhem going down? Gunshot! Fire engines! Scary noises!! Let’s go stick our head outside to see what’s happening.

Speaking of scary stuff: Clowns are especially terrifying, and their shoes equally horrific. One 40-year-old Russian clown was banned from wearing the things, the Daily Mail reported, and not just because the clown shoes were hideous. They were downright dangerous.

They made this particular Moscow State Circus clown tumble down 10 feet off a highwire during a performance in Liverpool.

The guy’s fall broke a bone in his foot and the circus health and safety advisers said the shoes had to go because they were unsafe.

Maybe next they can ban those bulbous red clown noses or the frightfully hairy clown wigs.

This Tales from the Freak Show was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

Tons of the crispy, flitting critters touched down this week at various areas around town, causing some folks to scream in horror while others, like the patrons at a midtown bar, ended up playing with them. Bar patrons reported throwing the grasshoppers at each other then squealing with glee when the grasshoppers’ defense mechanism kicked in and the little buggers left big black spots where they landed on perfectly white shirts.

A cranky bug expert said the grasshopper invasion is an annual phenomenon, while a pest company manager said he sees specific insects get their heyday each year. Last year was the milkweed bug. A few years back Tucson swarmed with those giant, grotesque “sewer roaches.”

This is the year of the grasshopper.

This item was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Remember when mom used to tell you a watermelon would grow inside your gullet if you ate the watermelon seeds or an apple tree would sprout from your stomach if you ate apple seeds?

Well, one dude in Russia had a pine tree growing in his lungs.

The guy had been coughing up blood and suffering from excruciating chest pains when surgeons decided to operate on him to remove what they thought would be a cancerous tumor. What they found instead was a 2-inch pine tree.

The hypothesis is the 28-year-old must have inhaled a pine tree seed some time back and it somehow lodged into his lungs and thrived there. Surgeons successfully removed the tiny tree but did not say if it got transplanted in the guy’s backyard.

This Tales from the Freak Show was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

A nearly 2-year-old toddler toddled out of her home on Easter Sunday, while the rest of the family was napping after an Easter outing, and she somehow ended up in the backyard hot tub.

Family members found her unconscious and rushed her to the hospital but it was already too late. The tot was pronounced dead by drowning.

The half-death may be charged as a whole death for the guy who slammed into a car during a police chase and killed an 8-month fetus in its mother’s womb. The mother was injured and the man responsible may be charged with murder under Arizona law.

One more death involved a naked, 50-year-old man who attacked police when they went on a welfare check to his motel room. Police were called to the room because the motel office heard music, noise, banging and groaning in an upstairs room but got no response when they knocked on the door.

When officers entered the noisy room with a pass key, the naked guy came charging at them. He was Tasered and died in a hospital later that morning.

This Gloom and Doom Balloon was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Move over Rover – seeing eye ponies are now on the scene. At least that’s the case for a Muslim woman in Detroit, whose religion forbids her to deal with dogs. No one seemed to complain about it, not even the other folks on a downtown bus.

Another woman with a seeing eye pony, this one in Fort Worth, Texas, has been causing an uproar riding her pony through local shops and supermarkets. One critic said she “doesn’t have to be riding it around like Lady Godiva through the store.”

The little pony woman said her bones hurt too much for her to walk and the horse is better than a wheelchair.

The American with Disabilities Act protects service animals, no matter what the species – let’s just hope no one gets the bright idea to haul out a seeing eye elephant or seeing eye polar bear….

…after all, a big, bad polar bear did attack and injure a woman at the Berlin Zoo. Authorities never found why the woman decided to jump into the bear habitat and into his moat during feeding time. She was – big surprise – bitten several times. The gal received treatment for her wounds as well as a citation for trespassing.This Furry Friends File was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

About Me

Born in Michigan only to take a Greyhound to New York City at the age of 18. Moved after 17 years to New Mexico, after the city started feeding on me. Got goats, a dog and a job offer on the West Coast, where I dreamed on the ocean but drowned in the rain. Thus I up and moved to Tucson.