Dear Diane Column — November 19, 2011

I’m trying to figure out what to do with my marriage. I’m frustrated that my husband never seems to appreciate all I do. He’s always at work, and when he’s not, he’s asleep in front of the TV. I clean house and stay home with the kids, so when he gets home, I want to go out and have fun. I got married when I got pregnant, and I love my husband but I want romance. I’m sick of sitting at home with the kids, and I’m only twenty seven, and I should be out having fun. I feel like my friends are all gone, and all I do is clean things. Am I going to have more kids? I thought about leaving my husband. Is there someone else I’m supposed to be with? My neighbor is really kind. Do you see that he likes me?

C. H.

Dear C.H.,

You are lucky to have a partner who is willing to work so hard to support his family. That said, it’s time to make some real plans for your life, instead of waiting for things to happen. You say that you got married because you “got pregnant.” You are hoping that a neighbor will come fall in love with you so that you can leave your husband. Allowing things to “just happen” is not working for you, so it’s time to decide what you want in your life. Having children is an important question, not one to leave to chance. If you are blessed with another child, let it be because you are truly ready to bring another life into this world

You say you want romance, but I’m sure your husband would like romance too. You need to talk to him about the two of you having planned time together. Perhaps you can trade babysitting chores with another mom so that you and your husband can spend time alone. Use this time to relate to one another and discuss plans for a happier future. Romance and fun don’t have to disappear, but you need to make time for them.

I’m glad you say that you love your husband, as I can pick up that he loves you a great deal. Being a wife and mother while young is certainly not an easy road, but it’s the one that you chose for yourself. Please know that I see things improving, and I see education in your future. Until then, explore your world and discover your dreams. I see a long and happy marriage is possible, but you must find a way to be happy with yourself first. Good luck!

Diane

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Dear Diane,

My son has just recently graduated college and is engaged to a real prize. She dropped out of school, she’s unemployed, and she looks at me like she’s missing a few brain cells. I can’t understand what my son sees in her, and I’m really afraid that she might pass along those genes to my grandchildren. He says that she’s just depressed after the death of her mother, but I think he’s looking for a place to land and making a big mistake. How do I keep him from ruining his life? Is there something I can do to help him see what he’s doing to himself? I just want what’s best for him. He needs to find his way in life before he thinks about marriage.

Worried

Dear Worried,

As hard as it is to let go, you are going to have to. You’ve worked hard for many years to instill common sense in your son, and now he is making his own decisions. Engagement is just the first marker on the road to marriage, but I sense that he and this girl WILL eventually marry. Giving her a chance is not just necessary, it’s vital to the harmony of your family.

I pick up that this young lady is highly intelligent but severely depressed. Your son indeed wants to make things better for her, so why not give them both a shoulder to lean on? Losing a parent can be devastating, so lending her positive support right now will make a difference in years to come. I see her eventually getting her life back on track, including law school in the future.

Give as much loving support to this relationship as you can manage. Your son will thank you now, and you will enjoy your new daughter in years to come. Blessings!

Diane

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Dear Diane,

I had my tubes tied several years ago because my husband and I decided on no more children. He passed away and I’m now considering another marriage. I’m turning forty soon, so I could still have a child with my new husband. Do you see that if I have a reversal it will work? I want so much for us to have that bond of sharing a child. Will we be able to start a family, or do you see adoption?

L.J.

Dear L.J.,

I pick up that this man has children, and that with your own kids, you’ll have quite a family! While I don’t see another birth right now, I feel you will talk about adoption a few years from now. I sense that this man loves you very much, and will delight in the joy of raising the brood that you already have. This wonderful new family is meant to be, so enjoy it and allow things to unfold. Congratulations!

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