There is a thin lady inside of me wanting to come out!

Tag Archives: will power

Hello friends! I read all of your comments to my previous post… thank you for supporting me on my highs and lows! You all rock!

So…. talking about highs (*rolling eyes*) turns out that when I weighed myself on Friday and was all bummed out (and wrote the previous post) I was tempted to eat a big thing of pasta with meat sauce I made… I decided I didn’t care anymore and then, when I served all that food on a plate… I realized it was stupid, crazy and senseless! So… if I gain one pound I am going to eat myself into oblivion just to make me gain more, feel horrible and get even further from my goal? NO! I put the food away and ate none of it… felt awesome! Proud and happy for my decision! I went to bed pretty hungry I must say! LOL and then in the morning ran to the scale to weigh myself like if my “good action” could “magically” give me the results I expected and “miraculously” I would get the “reward” from it… So… imagine my “surprise” when I see the scale go up even HIGHER! I gained another 1.1 pounds… I blinked repeatedly like if I could make it all go away… like if somehow I could change things by blinking! When I stopped I actually laughed and carried on… didn’t let it bum me too much and it really helped that I went to church to focus on greater (and less carnal) things… At least this body is not eternal! 🙂 My spirit is… and lately I have been too concerned with what I eat or not eat… so much that I have been neglecting my spiritual feeding! I know that part of my obesity might be due to the stress I went through with my dad accompanied by the great amounts of food I ate while going through it… (horrible combination) and I know that I still have to watch what I eat, etc… but I need to quit letting it consume me because this “mindset” and emotional state will not help my weight loss efforts.

So… after church I went out for lunch and did great… I felt actually like some “weight” was lifted off of me… I came home, took a long nap and enjoyed the evening with my family afterwards… Today I weighed almost a pound less… and I laughed again… who cares? I keep doing this… I keep forgetting this is my lifestyle and there’s nothing that can bum me out enough to quit it!

Today I’ve been doing great and got out of my pj’s early! I was actually PUTTING ON my pj’s everyday after I showered! it was like my “outfit of choice” … I am making myself get into my jeans and look a bit better…

Hello everybody! I am hun-gry! Soooo hungry! I am craving all kinds of stuff… so as I type I am waiting for my cup of coffee to be ready and I’ll be toasting some low calorie bread that I’ll have with some Reduced Sugar Jelly on top! 🙂 YUM!

Anyway… Today was my first official day to exercise… and I say “first” just because it’s the first day of the year that I actually went out for my usual morning walk with my friend… who… finally came back last night! I sooo missed her! And I was excited when she confirmed we would walk this morning… but then… I must admit that when I heard last night about the “cold front” that would hit us and how the temperatures would drop I was tempted to back out of it! But you all… yes… you all kept me encouraged! Your comments, the posts I’ve read of those of you who run when it’s icy cold and who have even fallen on the ice… well.. all of those things were on my mind and I realized I had no excuse! Even when hubby made it all worse by saying “you probably shouldn’t go! It will be too cold!” Still… I bravely got out… it was 28 degrees which is a lot for Texas! Thankfully it was not humid! I must say it feels way worse when it’s 38 and humid than 28 and dry! I was all bundled up and met my friend at “our usual place” we were happy to see each other again! I thought I would see more people walking… you know? with the whole “New Year Resolutions” thing? But no… I guess in days like this is when you separate those that are really determined from those who aren’t… because seriously…. NO EXCUSES! Now… I am not judging those who stayed in bed… or saying that they will not be able to do it “tomorrow” or some other day… I’ve been “there” so many times… I’ve been the one to stay in bed rather than exercise …well… too many times (and not too long ago!) but I feel like “rough days” and “hard moments” are a great opportunity that shouldn’t be wasted… they are amazing will power boosters, when you don’t go out and exercise on a day like this just because you didn’t feel like it (I’m not talking about serious stuff, but … more like “it was too cold” stuff) you lose the chance to prove to yourself how strong you are, how important this really is, how serious you are about it… and you also miss the great “after the fact” feeling of accomplishment and pride… hey… I am saying all this to myself… remember? I am just writing my journey yes… to share with others but more importantly to have these memories STAY somewhere so I can go back to moments like this and use it as reminders when my strength is lacking! (maybe tomorrow… because it will be even colder!)

So… today is also “Kings Day” .. in Mexico we celebrate this day with a “Rosca” (King Cake) … This traditional bread is not that good… sorry! At least I am not a big fan of it. LOL! It looks interesting but it’s not “a big deal” not too sweet, not savory, it’s some very simple pastry… decorated with some candied fruit and the “big deal” about this cake is that it traditionally carries “little plastic babies” inside… (about 5, depending on the size of the cake), usually many people gather, from different families… or at work (I remember eating it at work with peers, etc.) and whoever gets the first baby is in charge of making “tamales” for a party to celebrate Candlemass on February 2. This is mostly a “Roman Catholic” tradition… which I am not… but in Mexico more than celebrating it as a “Catholic Religious Thing” it has become more of a cultural thing where people get together, eat bread and organize yet another party to keep eating! LOL! So… the first person to get a baby is in charge of the tamales, whoever else gets “babies” has to cooperate to organize the party, in the end everybody just “pitches in” … it is fun!

So… in Mexico (especially Central and South areas of Mexico) children receive gifts today on January 6th … and it’s the “Three Kings” who bring the gifts for the children (not Santa Claus) … my girls… are spoiled.. and get to have gifts on Christmas (because of my gringo) and they will be receiving gifts later today (it was supposed to be in the morning but since it’s not an official Holiday and daddy had to leave early for work, we’ll be doing it tonight). We’ll have a family over (my friend that I run with and her family) for some hot cocoa/coffee/King Cake and we’ll enjoy the King Cake… Well… they will…. I will pass.

Usually, most people buy a big rosca already made… I actually get to have fun making my own… I made two (if there’s leftover hubby will get to share at work!)… Today is also the last day to have any Christmas decorations… and I am looking forward to removing the “left-overs” 🙂

This eating healthy again is a “here and now” kind of thing.. Of course I have a set mind and a goal and I am planning ahead to EAT HEALTHY but at the same time I have to resist temptations as they happen and make decisions… HERE and NOW …

Yesterday… I didn’t bake anything for hubby… even when he called me to tell me that he had had some issues at work… he knows that whenever there’s something “wrong” I immediately bake something… and it did cross my mind but I didn’t know if I would be strong enough to bake and not eat… when he came home and didn’t see a dessert he was disappointed… didn’t complain… I guess he was just a bit shocked… so I whipped some chocolate-chocolate chip cookies … and when they were out of the oven he attacked them and ooo’d and aaaa’d over them … How is one supposed to resist that? Well… I guess by resisting it… period… Just say NO … here and now! That’s the hardest thing… but once you’ve done it you feel better! And that’s what I did… the temptation was there… the thoughts of “it’s just one cookie” and “I can burn it off” and “I’ve done pretty well today anyway” did cross my mind… but I shooed those thoughts away and had my cup of coffee without cookies and immediately felt stronger and proud! Rather than enjoy chocolate flavor in my mind for less than a minute loaded with guilt, despair and thoughts of failure… I enjoyed a clean mouth with lots of pride and a boost for my will power.

I am not saying each temptation will become a victory… I am just saying that IT CAN! and it did… at least for last night… and as I continue with my day today… I have that victory in my bag… and the memory of “how good it feels to be strong” to help me make my next tough choice!

Yesterday I managed to keep my calories at 1500 … after my “who knows how many thousands” calorie days I’d say I did pretty good… I’ll continue to work towards bringing that number to “my number” where I lose weight… My scale already showed a .4 pound loss … and I know it will keep going down!

Hello everybody… so … I’ve been doing good… BUT… it’s been hard… for the last couple days I’ve opened invitations for all my fb contacts (in the area) to come and eat cupcakes or just even stop by and pick a cupcake up for free obviously… I love having people over… I love adding some “sweetness” to someone else’s day … so I figure my baking is the way to do it 🙂 I love it because my girls get to have a great time and they enjoy playing with the children of the moms who stop by for their cupcakes… and the moms stay and sit for a while and just enjoy some “girl talk” while their little ones play with my girls… They always tell me they leave my house “refreshed” and that makes me feel so happy! I want my girls to be always hospitable … rather than focusing on being good entertainers… and I don’t want them to wait to have “the perfect home” or “the perfect dishes” … the “matching napkins” … all that is cute… and I do want it as well… LOL! But I think, here, in the USA… whatever it is you have is ALREADY PERFECT.. If you have air conditioner during summer or heat during winter in your house … it is already PERFECT! trust this Mexican!

Anyway… So… I made lots of cupcakes to share… and people loved them (I was tagged in some sweet pictures of cupcakes or empty cupcake liners on facebook with lots of “thanks”) … BUT… and here’s the but… hearing over and over how good my cupcakes were, giving a cupcake to every child, woman and even a guy who stopped by to get one… started to turn into a temptation… I could’ve just bended my arm a little more, direct my hand to my mouth and… bite! and enjoy what everybody else was enjoying! LOL! … But then I managed and realized I didn’t really “want or need” the cupcake… it would’ve been more like “social eating” rather than a real need or want… so … I did good with that…

This is the picture I used to invite everyone over… I had just made them!

But then, last night… I was tired and had to pick hubby up from work (his car just died) and I had no chance to make dinner… I was hungry and exhausted… so I told hubby “how about eating chinese?” he was so hungry he agreed and said “oooh! Yes” so I started thinking of all this deliciousness! I thought “yeah… it’s not that bad… and then I’ll just burn it off the next days” but… once we got home (hubby would go get the food) I just started cooking dinner… I made myself a very healthy hamburger with sandwich thins, lean meat, avocado, lettuce, tomatoes, onions and pickles and I made hubby “breakfast” which he always loves for dinner (eggs, bacon, english muffin with jelly) and that’s what we had… I was happy and proud of myself… hubby was confused… but I explained I was acting on impulse and motivated by my being too tired and hungry… but I knew better than that… he was proud of me… I was proud as well! I am so happy I can now write this instead of sharing with you what could’ve been a whole different story… full of excuses and loaded with guilt!

Well… I didn’t want to let any day pass without me posting! So here I am… just with a quick post to report that yesterday was a great day… I did good with the eating and I hopped on the balance board to exercise but it ran out of battery (yes! I am glad the wii ran out of battery before I did!) and I didn’t find any AA batteries in the house to save my life! since I am sick going out in a rainy day wasn’t an option, I didn’t want to prolong my sickness and then make it all worse so I only got to do some balance exercises before it died burning probably only like 25 calories LOL!

Here are my numbers for yesterday:

Calories eaten: 1232

My goal is always 1200 so there’s a difference of +32 … it’s not a big difference so I am ok with that! I am definitely where I need to be! This morning when I woke up my stomach felt different already… there’s this feeling of things starting to “un-swell” lol! so that’s great!

I am still sick but doing much better thank God! Hubby bought batteries for the balance board so I am all ready to hop on it! Today we had friends over to celebrate the Hispanic Tradition of “Dia de Reyes” (Kings Day) so yesterday I made the “rosca” (again) and I am sure I spent some more calories “in the making” …

Yesterday was a good day, at least when it comes to eating good and exercising… But I felt really sick and still pushed through it… I exercised on the Wii for about 1 hour and 40 minutes but today I feel like I am not going to be able to do so… My ears are in horrible pain, my eyes are watery and burning, everything hurts and I can hardly breath from how congested my nose is! -sigh-

Hopefully I’ll still be able to do at least some “Free Step” on the Wii Balance Board but we’ll see…

So… my day yesterday:

I ate 1233 calories

I exercised for 1 hr. 40 minutes burning a total of 420 calories

Plus some random push ups here and there… I also stayed as active as possible.

Well, the weight loss journey sure isn’t an easy one… not for me anyway… and when I feel *I got it* I get too confident and it’s like I lose my grasp on it and have to “start again” … right now… I am re-learning to say “no” all over again… I guess I got too “lose” with my “yes” and allowing myself to have treats here and there with the excuse firm belief I would “catch up” later and it just wasn’t happening, it’s been just a bunch of “re-starting” and even when I am proud to have lost half the amount of weight excess on me… I still have a long way to go and I can’t just “stay there” and continue to celebrate a past triumph while I still have a to keep going to achieve real victory. If anything I can just “use my past” to remember “I can do this” instead of using it as a “I’ve done pretty good, do I really need to keep working that hard?” thought!

So… In the things I am re-applying is the saying “No” to myself… I’ve found that if I really want to eat something I’ve just been saying “it’s ok” and eat it… and not just a little bit of it… well… it’s time to exercise some will power and say “not even a little bit! Not for now!” and that’s exactly what I am doing… As I type this post I just ran away from the kitchen where I was already looking in the fridge to see what I could eat (hey! I still have some calories leftover for the day) but … I am choosing wisely and I know those calories will be needed later, when it’s actually time for dinner! so… instead, I made myself a cup of coffee (with sugar-free creamer) and I am proud of my choice…