The Secret

For anyone out there who even still reads this, I’m returning to this space. I love blogging and I’ve missed it. I’ve happily read your blogs, though, but I’ve neglected just about everything else – commenting, updating my Facebook page, and of course, writing. I’ve been keeping quiet for a few months.

I’m 12 weeks pregnant. I have family that reads this blog, and I wanted to come here and vent and share and question, but I couldn’t and had to wait. I have a lot of thoughts on this; this pregnancy that has come my way, but now isn’t the time to share it. I can tell you that I was lucky. The ease of which this happened is cause for extreme gratefulness and I don’t take it for granted. I also eliminated sugar from my diet (98%) and my husband did too….and that affected my infertility issues in a positive way. For now, for the sake of my husband’s relatives who read this, I’ll leave it at that. Someday, the science of what I think happened is pretty fascinating.

For those of you with three children, I can’t – I’m struggling to fathom managing all of them. Surely, one will get lost in a laundry basket, under a bed, or in the refridgerator eating fistfulls of applesauce. Twins, we manage, but the third – I’ve no idea. No clue whatsoever. But I’ve got time to process and ask questions and think. It’s taken me a long time to even accept that this is happening.

That’s my big secret, finally let out. I look forward to returning to this space often about other things – I’ve got 2.5 year olds with opinions and sass, and love and bickering. I’ve got picky eaters, good sleepers, and long hair on a girl that I don’t know how to manage besides with a ponytail. They’ve changed a lot in a few months and I’m excited to document it all here for them to read someday.

I have other secrets, too, though none as big. The kids aren’t going to preschool yet (they’re basically getting it here with my nanny), but when they do, I’m deeply in love with the Montessori model. I could write all about it, but will save it for another day. My husband and I feel it’s the right program for our kids and if we can afford it, we might just send them to Montessori school forever. Lately, I’m tired. Really tired. I haven’t been creating activities and a learning environment for the twins like I used to. And I really do want to, but I can’t get off the couch.

Yes, I am a public school teacher. I have always wanted to be a teacher. In the company of happy students, doing fun lessons and putting cute stickers on their work – or that’s what I envisioned when I was a child. It’s a different world now, and my fellow teachers and I sometimes daydream about different careers, not because we don’t enjoy teaching – but because of the garbage that has come with it in our society right now. The pressures and the stress have become so great that we lean on each other to get through the days. Thankfully I have a wonderful, supportive team. But my daydream continues…

I like taking pictures. (Doesn’t every mom? Yes, I know I’m no different.) I like editing pictures. I like taking pictures of my children, but also other children in their own homes, in their own environment. I like eyes – getting a clear, well-lit picture of a child’s eyes is like Christmas morning, and it’s a great feeling.

An oldie-but-goody

I like lifestyle photography – with the messes of laundry and dirty dishes in the sink. And I like this hobby so much that I’d like to, slowly, explore it. Get to know my camera in and out. Focus on light and shadows and textures. Take pictures of my friends’ kids and of course, my own. And see where it takes me.

As part of our Facebook pregnancy reveal photo shoot

To start, I’m participating in my first Project 365. As simple as you’d think – take a photo a day and put it on Instagram (or Facebook, or wherever). For me, though my subjects will frequently be my kids, it’s not about getting them to smile and posting it everyday. I want to grow my hobby – so I need to learn how different angles affect the mood of a picture. I want to learn how to really edit, and play with the natural light. My daily photo can be found on my Instagram but will also play out here on the blog, in my sidebar. Some do this project through Facebook, but I’m not sure that’s the right space for me. A picture a day for a year is quite a lot for people to sift through!

Christmas card photo shoot

It’s hard to know if I have skills beyond the basics, and maybe I don’t and this will continue to be a fun hobby. But I’m not sure, and over the next few years, if I can get my head above water, I’d like to find out.

That’s where I’m at today! Happy to be able to return to this space and find some additional blogs to read. What blogs are you reading right now?

So glad to have you back! I hear you about being a teacher, and despite it being my chosen career path as well, I’m relieved that my husband is ok with me substituting when the kids go to school instead of working full time. I think you have a lot of talent and photography skill already. I’ve always noticed how much better your pictures are. I used to love taking pictures with my camera (a good, real one not attached to my phone) but most days it just doesn’t happen. I’m looking forward to seeing more of yours.

WHOA!! Congratulations! How exciting! I love the pics you take of your little ones, they are the cutest and I love that style of photography because it”s so real! I would much rather see real pics in a real home because I can relate! While pristine homes with smiling toddlers is ideal it’s not my reality lol welcome back!

I still read! I love your photos and all the wonderful ideas you share for keeping kids entertained and educated. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!! How so exciting! I keep hoping the same will happen to me 😉 Can’t wait to hear more.

So excited for you!!! How old will your big kids be when your baby is born? Mine were 3 when my youngest was born in Aug, it is a good separation I think, they are old enough and very independent so I don’t have to worry about carrying around 3 😉 I hope you are feeling well!