18.9.07

i ate. mashed potatoes - simple, not even spicyI had it down for 20 mins.

mmmmmm uglier on the way back up. I'm not okI will bei hate being stoopidi hate admitting stoopid movesi hate these momentsThey will not be over soonIt is terrifying this next move, stage of things...

"Those little things that keep me going are no longer any good for me""Those little things"

Maybe embarassing is more the problem as my face reddens at the thought of disclosing everything. So I won't - I'll make cryptic comments, offering up a play-by-play of the effects on me, rather of me.

exquisite joi and pain. I am loved, I am cared for even as the stoopid parts are revealed. Even as the shame rears it's ugly head in my voice.

I'm gonna lay down, & try not to feel like a little bitty worm on a big fucking hook.