No matter. Relax! V-Day day is supposed to be fun, not change the course of your life. Chiara Atik, author of Modern Dating: A Field Guide ($19.95 at Books-A-Million) has suggestions for keeping things light—and in perspective.

Way back when, people got bummed out if they were single on February 14. Is this still the case?

Even people who are supremely confident in their (lack of a) relationship status find Valentine’s Day a little grating. But besides the irritation, it’s just not important enough of a holiday!

If you are single, what do you suggest as far as making Valentine’s Day pleasant? Go about your normal business? Go out on the town with other single friends?

NORMAL BUSINESS! Seriously. If you just make it a normal day, there will be relatively few reminders that it’s Valentine’s Day at all.

If you don’t want to be alone, then you can make plans to catch a movie or do something low-key with friends, but I would advise against a whole “Galentine’s Day” thing. I think that just feeds into it!

Any Valentine’s Day don’ts—things you’ve seen people do that they shouldn’t? Call an ex, for example.

Well, obviously, don’t call an ex, for more reasons than just the fact that it’s Valentine’s Day. And if you’ve just started dating someone, don’t make too big a deal out of Valentine’s Day. Try to keep it as low-key as possible, with the Valentine’s Day references to a minimum.

I know people who have accidentally scheduled first dates for Valentine’s Day, which was momentarily awkward for them, but then it worked out. I think the biggest don’t is don’t treat it like the romantic pinnacle of your year. Hopefully, it won’t be, no matter what your relationship status is!

If you’ve been on just a few dates with someone, and you like them, but it’s too soon to be serious, how do you suggest approaching Valentine’s Day?

Photo: Emily McDowellIf Valentine’s Day were on a Wednesday, I’d say maybe just avoid scheduling a date if it’s early on. But it’s on a Friday night, so I think inevitably some people will schedule early dates (less than 10) for the 14th, which I think is fine! Whatever.

You can acknowledge it, but definitely don’t plan the date around it, and maybe even go more casual than you otherwise would. I think this card is funny.

If you’re with someone, and it’s exclusive but still pretty new, can Valentine’s Day lead to disappointment on either partner’s part if the evening isn’t 100 percent perfect?

To me, a disappointing Valentine’s Day suggests you have weird/cheesy expectations about this day, like it’s a litmus test of your relationship/the state of romance in your life. People who get upset about Valentine’s Day are the same people who throw fits if, like, their birthday weeks don’t go according to plan.

People who get upset about Valentine’s Day turn into bridezillas! You have to chillax about it. You have to. There are 364 other days in the year that can be just as romantic if you’re with the right person, and a spontaneous gesture of love (versus one dictated by the calendar) means so much more than the right restaurant, the right flowers, the right card.

Like I said, the biggest Valentine’s Day don’t is don’t treat it like it’s the romantic pinnacle of your year: It isn’t.

That being said, wait, go back and read that paragraph again just to make sure we’re all on the same page because it’s much more important than what I’m about to say now:

Most guys are eager to please/do whatever you want on Valentine’s Day, but sometimes you have to spell it out for them. Which, yeah, takes a little bit of the sexiness out of it. But if you have a rigidly specific idea of what your Valentine’s Day should be, then you have to make sure you communicate it. Or plan it yourself.

Do you think women and men care about the same amount about Valentine’s Day, or that one gender seems more into it than the other?

I think women and men are probably ambivalent-ish about Valentine’s Day. Obviously, there are exceptions on both sides, but women are portrayed as being either swept up in or hideously upset by Valentine’s Day, so I think we often read those signals everywhere and sort of behave accordingly. A young woman opens a magazine and sees an article titled “How to not hate Valentine’s Day—even if you’re alone!!” and the message subliminally implied to her is, “If I’m alone, I guess I should hate Valentine’s Day.”

In general, what’s your take on Valentine’s Day?

For a long time, I loved it. Like, I doggedly, stubbornly loved it, even while most of my friends hated it. I saw it as an excuse for red sweaters and red velvet cupcakes and surprising people with Valentine’s Day cards. I guess I had a sort of first-grade teacher approach to the holiday? I think that what changed it for me was actually writing about dating for so long.

When you’re so immersed in the world of love and dating and courtship and romance, you’re aware not only of how much of it is going on every day of the year, but also the immense pressure people feel all the time to be romantic, to love, to be loved.

I mean this is truly something that people stress out about 365 days a year. So the fact that there’s this one day where people are expected to sort of prove to themselves and others that they have this whole love thing under control is annoying to me.

And gestures that are made out of duty on Valentine’s Day aren’t romantic to me. This isn’t to say that I’m some sort of an anti-Valentine’s Day crusader. I just think everyone could be a little more laughingly dismissive of February 14.

Andrea Pyros is a freelance writer and mother of two who lives in New York's Hudson Valley.

Hannah

Chiara Atik is sassy! I like it. Her and I feel similarly about Valentine’s Day. While I’m not anti-V-Day, I think trying to make plans on Feb. 14 is not worth the hassle. My BF and I can be just as happy spending a quiet night at home. Good advice.

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