Taking Control In A Masculine Way

One of the greatest things about attracting women is that you don't have to do anything WEIRD to make it work.

You just have to be THE MAN.
I've been saying this since day ONE.

Being THE MAN allows you INFINITE possibilities.

Let's say you are in first day of class, or wherever, and a girl next to you is nervously rapidly tapping her pencil against the desk or table. You can just slowly, calmly, lay your hand on the pencil (for even greater effect, don't take your focus off the board!) and then give her this look that says, "It's gonna be okay. Chill." And then say with a sly smile, "Is that ten cups of caffeine today or only nine?"

This is both FUNNY and it also says you're THE MAN. Same principle might apply if she's twirling her hair with her finger. The reason I have put forth this example is because it's SUBTLE.

In a very subtle way, you are saying that you are not seeking her approval, that you are relaxed enough to be funny, and that you yourself don't engage in nervous behavior because you are in control of your world, and in effect, control of hers as well.

Deep down, most women feel more feminine when they are with a man who doesn't take their crap, and who can smoothly control her "ship" in the "stormy weather" of her swaying emotions. And the trick is do this all in a way where you yourself don't lose control.

The Man is in control of everything in his life. He is the captain of his own ship.

Ever hear the song "The Captain of Her Heart?"

Of course, no one is perfect, and perfection is just an illusion, but your goal remains to be The Man to the best of your ability.

Let's take a look at a letter from this week where control is a central theme.

I have downloaded and been reading your e-Book after hearing about it in a Toronto Sun article and admit I am intrigued by your philosophy. I am a good looking fit guy, who is a very nice but shy person that has zero luck with meeting girls.

I decided to try and use some of your techniques with a girl I recently met at the gym. At first I was nonchalant, ignoring her except for the occasional eye contact. It's a small gym so we were always stepping over each other, but no touching. After about a week (we always seemed to be there about the same time) I decided to break the ice and teased her about this and that, basically got a good reaction and some smiles. We got into playful emails and I decided to ask her out. She didn't respond for a couple of days, then responded with the 'I just got over a bad relationship and don't want another' routine.

I am not sure what went wrong, and I am not sure if she is being honest. Any advice on what the next step should be? Should I go back to ignoring her/teasing her when I see her at the gym? Should I send her any more emails? I read your newsletters religiously and seek guidance, what I have read seems to indicate I back off, but I am uncertain. I really like this girl and
don't want to screw things up.

Regards,
Sam V.

***MY COMMENTS***

First off, congrats on actually DOING something about this woman and going up to her and getting the email, etc. Taking action is the key to success, and honestly, there is no such thing as failure, because every approach and every interaction only makes you more skilled for the future.

Even today, after I have met a new woman, I will often enjoy going over the interaction in my own mind and focus on the dynamics of what happened, and why, almost like a science. It's fun for me. That way, I can take mental notes for next time. At the same time, one thing I'd like to mention here is that it would have been better to have taken action immediately.

Immediate action helps establish the FRAME right away both in her mind and in yours that you are The Man.

It shows her that you make a decision to take action and that you follow through. You take control over events and over your destiny.

Not only does it show guts to her, but it also prevents you from thinking too much and allowing negative thoughts to enter your mind. No negative thoughts means that when you go up to her, you'll be more congruent in every way to the idea that you are The Man.

You mentioned that you're not sure if she is being honest regarding the relationship story.

It is possible that a woman can bring up the whole "needing time off because of a past relationship" and that is being honest about it. At the same time, she might be using it as an excuse. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING to realize, however, is that you shouldn't be triggering her "relationship" buttons IN THE FIRST PLACE.

What do I mean by this?
What I mean is that typically, guys activate a woman's relationship buttons by acting in a very typical, predictable way.

They act like they are LOOKING for a relationship, as opposed to looking for the BEST WOMAN who has the best character who might be WORTHY of a relationship AFTER finding out more about her.

You mentioned that you teased her, which is good, but at the same time, it took about a week before you "broke the ice" with her. Women are EXPERTS at sizing up a guy's
confidence levels since they encounter a lot of "hits". Something tells me that during those seven days before you "broke the ice", you might have gave yourself away in many subtle ways
(from a guy's point of view) that were actually OBVIOUS to HER, since women pick up on these things like sharks smell blood.

In other words, you might have provided her FULL VALIDATION with a look here, a look there, too many looks, and by the time you broke the ice it wasn't exactly starting from scratch from her point of view. She felt she already had "all the cards in the deck" by that time. Her deck was stacked.

Again, women are VERY GOOD at detecting even the SLIGHTEST interest a guy may have in her. Once she had full validation, her ego needs were fully satisfied and she didn't need your validation since she already had it.

This whole dynamic works because she FEELS (Not thinks, FEELS! Thinking is irrelevant when it comes to how women feel attraction) that your desire to give her full validation is an indication of HER superiority and your inferiority.

Your teasing definitely helped things, but it wasn't like you started off at that point.

And it's also possible that she was just testing you, to see if you can handle the situation.

YUP.
Women do this ALL THE TIME.

They want to see if you can handle their excuses and stories and STILL get them to go off into the wild blue yonder with you.

Happens A LOT.

So, at this point, when she starts spewing off her relationship stories, and after you know exactly what women do when their relationships end, (Hint: They don't turn into Mother Theresa types) what you should do is BE THE MAN and TURN IT ALL AROUND and SHOW HER YOU CAN HANDLE IT EASILY!

How?
Simple:
When she says "relationship blah blah blah" you can bust on her and say, "Whoa! Relationship? What relationship, I hardly know you! Let's see if you're any fun to hang around first! Slow down!"

Feel my vibe here?

See how you are handling her test, showing her you are THE MAN, and disarming her with humor at the same time?
AT this point, just BE THE MAN with her.

No pressure, just have FUN with her, be dominant, tease her, and arrange to meet. If she doesn't respond and doesn't agree to meet, then don't call her for a while, don't email her for a few weeks, etc, and just tease her while at the gym.

Just have a blast when you are at the gym and DON'T TAKE HER TOO SERIOUSLY.

Methinks she feels you are giving off the vibe of taking her too seriously, (maybe because it took a week to break the ice and she knew you wanted to break it all that time) and irony of ironies, women HATE GUYS THAT GET TOO SERIOUS too fast.

Another thing I want to point out is that maybe she isn't looking for a relationship, but is looking for mind-boggling sex, which if that's okay by you, then you might have something in common anyway.

So just don't get all serious on her, just have fun, be dominant, don't be needy and don't email her for a while, but when you DO meet her, make sure you bust on her big time, and then she might actually try to close YOU.

Also, let her see that you talk to other women at the gym, etc.

And finally, make sure not to let this interfere with your "inner game" by making sure to CONTINUE to pursue other women at the same time. Most guys feel a woman is "special" without really knowing much at all about her.

When I date a woman, I am sizing up her personality, her values, and her lifestyle, from the get-go. If those values are not up to par, I immediately say NEXT.

It's CRITICAL to not get overly caught up with one woman who hasn't even earned such attention.

So for example, if a woman is not responding to you, or treating you well, just move on. Move on, not just because she might end up chasing YOU (which often happens when a woman sees you have moved on), but more importantly, because moving on teaches you the power of PERSPECTIVE.

This is ESPECIALLY true if you are new to the dating game, and you need to learn the SKILLS. This is a HUGE element of success that most guys don't fully appreciate. Some guys think it's just an "easy way out"- as if it's saying "well, that's a failure but maybe you can succeed at something else".

NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

The very ATTITUDE of being able to walk away, of not feeling NEEDY for one woman, is what ENABLES a guy to easily attract women. Once a guy is able to have these emotional skills under his belt, he can often go back to any woman from his past and attract her.

But guess what?
He doesn't usually WANT to at that point. Because his standards have gone UP.

And it is these standards, and that type of emotional attitude, that make you MORE ATTRACTIVE TO WOMEN.

The reasons for this are complex and numerous, but let me just say that it all has to do with the VIBE you give off by subtle behaviors when you BELIEVE that you are WORTHY of being treated WELL by a woman.

And of course, if you believe you are NOT worthy of being treated well, you will give in to all kinds of submissive behaviour to women, which is an INSTANT DESTRUCTION to her attraction.

You mention that you "really like this woman and don't want to screw things up."

The great IRONY is that although not wanting to screw things up is a good general philosophy in life, unfortunately when it comes to women, we guys tend to go overboard. As a matter of fact, if a woman FEELS that you care TOO MUCH about not wanting to screw things up, it will KILL her attraction to you.

This is the single greatest mistake guys make:
They care too much about succeeding with a woman. They seek a woman's approval. They don't want to screw up. Of course, I made this mistake myself about a bazillion times, so I know all about it.

The strangest thing is that when a guy encounters RESISTANCE from a woman, the switch in his own brain that says, "THIS WOMAN IS SUPERIOR TO OTHER WOMEN" gets activated by her RESISTANCE. And then the guy tries even HARDER to get her approval, which only further WEAKENS her attraction to him. Which of course, only FURTHER fuels HIS attraction to her.

So in fact, the ONLY reason he is doing this is because he FEELS she is SUPERIOR.

So I'm here to wake up guys in general and tell them to REALIZE this is just your brain playing tricks on you. The way to wake up from this trick is to at first force yourself to go out with other women or to just plain get damn busy doing something else so you can gain perspective and end the obsessive thoughts.

It's a bit ironic (and detrimental to women in the long run) that in order to succeed with women, and have women want to be serious with us as guys, we guys have to actually learn how to NOT to get so serious so fast with any one woman.

We have to NOT take women so seriously. Women want a guy who's got OPTIONS and who isn't so fast to get serious. Of course, by the time a guy develops those skills and thus his pick of women, he often finally realizes that the woman he originally pursued is not even worthy of his time or energy.

For most guys, the easiest way to feel non-needy and thus non-serious is to know that they can instantly meet MANY women and get those women attracted instantly.

And when women see this non-neediness in you, you'd be surprised how quickly they actually want to get SERIOUS WITH YOU.

There's a saying that the starving never get fed, and it's completely applicable to the mindset you need to have for attracting women.

And if you'd like to learn the nitty-gritty truth about how to approach women, how to get physical, and how to improve both your "inner game", and your "outer game", then I recommend you download my eBook- The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women.

It's jam packed with tons of immediately applicable concepts and info on how to approach women, how to get numbers and emails, how to get physical, and how to smoothly handle the tests that every woman will throw at you.