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CPE Writing part

Hi teachers,
my name is Simone and I'm an Italian student preparing for the CPE exam. Since I find the Writing part the most difficult among all CPE tasks, I was wondering if you could please help me and have a look at what I've done until now. I need an "expert" to see my mistakes and improve my writing skills.
Thank you in advance,

Re: CPE Writing part

Originally Posted by Anglika

Welcome to the forums.

If you post a paragraph or two I am sure someone will be able to advise you.

Thank you!
Alright, here's an article I just wrote:

You received the following invitation to a demonstration of TV and video equipment at a local store. You went along to see the demonstration and spoke to the manager. Write an article for a local newspaper about the event, discussing the advantages or disadvantages of the new equipment now available and expressing your own views.

Public Demonstration

On Saturday 25th March we will be giving a public demonstration of our new range of wide-screen televisions and video equipment. Technology REALLY IS revolutionising the way we live! At last…

 The kind of prices you can afford
 An enormous number of TV channels at your fingertips
 New, improved sound (wow!) and picture quality
 The cinema experience in the comfort of your home

Don’t miss out! Come on to ‘Just TV and Video’ on Saturday morning and talk to the manager, Mr John Taylor, about what is now available.

There is no doubt: technology has changed the way we live. You can’t miss out on it. Everyone seems to enjoy the new technological features of their lives. I’ve recently been to a public demonstration organised by Mr John Taylor, owner of the famous store “Just TV and Video”, and I had a glimpse of what is going to happen in the immediate future.
“It’s like experiencing something extremely exciting for the first time,” smiles Mr Taylor. “The new wide-screen TVs and video equipment displayed today in our store are the best in town.” The models are numerous, the design is meticulous and fits to every taste: installing an innovative home theatre system at your house is something you would probably never regret.
But there is actually more: with a little help from a satellite dish, you will have an incredible, sometimes embarrassing, choice of TV channels. This will help you avoiding boredom and making all members of the family happy and content. In addition, an improved sound, and a high definition picture quality, will most likely take your breath away, making you feel like you are a part of the movie you’re watching. According to Mr Taylor “It’s like going to the cinema but sitting on your couch and without spending a penny! Can you ask for more?”
Maybe yes. The prices of the TVs are affordable for almost everyone, and you can indulge yourself without much of an economical effort. When it comes to a complete home theatre set, however, things dramatically change. If you want to experience the best, you will need, other than a plasma or LCD TV, a surround system, a good DVD player and even a satellite dish. Otherwise you will not get that feeling of “awesomeness” you get at the cinema.
So, pay attention: technology can improve your life, but do not let it take over yourself. You may want to go to the cinema instead, and wait for the prices of new technological equipments to decrease. The quality will be the same but your wallet will not be empty.

Re: CPE Writing part

fits to every taste- needs reworking
The models are numerous, the design is meticulous and fits to every taste: installing an innovative home theatre system at your house is something you would probably never regret.- punctuation
picture quality, will most- punctuation
without much of an economical effort- not a natural phrase
but do not let it take over yourself.- rephrase
Maybe yes.- would we use this as a sentence in a newspaper?

This is generally good, with an appropriate use of vocab. There are a few phrases (see above) that sound a bit like translations, but most of this reads as natural English to me.

Re: CPE Writing part

Thank you so much for advising me :)
Here's another one:

Read the following writing task and write a letter of complaint.

A holiday you had arranged to go on was cancelled at the last moment. When you went to the travel agency to ask for your deposit back, the person you spoke to was rude and unhelpful. Write to the manager of the travel agency to complain about the behaviour of this employee, explaining the situation and what you expect the travel agency to do.

Dear Mister,

I am writing to complain about the behaviour of one of your employee at your travel agency last Friday evening, October 26th.
My purpose in visiting the agency was to ask for my 200£ deposit back, since last month I booked a two-week holiday to Rhodes, Greece, but it was cancelled at the very last moment with my utter disappointment.
After explaining the problem to your employee, whose name, which I read on her nameplate, was Sarah, she stared at me like I was a fool and started laughing like she just heard the funniest of all jokes. After having seen that I was visibly upset and baffled by her reaction, she told me to hold on and, still grinning hysterically, checked my reservation on her computer. You can imagine my anger and embarrassment when she told me that she still didn’t know why the holiday had been cancelled in the first place and, consequently, that no refund was possible. To make matters worse, she refused to put me in contact with you when I asked her and claimed that I was crazy and had no right to blame her for the money I couldn’t get back. Not only did she find the whole situation amusing, but she also addressed to me in a very inappropriate way in front of other customers. I found it very irritating, and decided to leave the agency immediately.
I feel that I must protest about such appallingly rude behaviour towards a costumer of yours. I would like you to inform me of the actions you will take with regards to the member of your staff I mentioned, and what is your purpose to do about my refund. Unless adequate action is taken and an apology is sent to me, you will be hearing from the police in due course.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,

Re: CPE Writing part

Line 1- one mistake (you have to find it as it's not a CPE mistake)
200£- put the sumbol before the number
Para two- you could use 'which was cancelled', which would run a bit more smoothly IMO
whose name, which I read on her nameplate, was Sarah,- clumsy phrasing. Also, I don't much like the way you use the pronoun 'she' after it- it jumps about a bit
she just heard the funniest of all jokes.- I'd use the past perfect
After having seen- the same start as the sentence preceeding (not an error, but you could show your English off more)
of other customers- I'd use 'the other' as it refers specifically to those people there at the time
what is your purpose to do about my refund- rephrase
you will be hearing from the police in due course.- OK English, but I am not sure the police would be the first people to viosit in a case like this. I'd say that 'you will be hearing from my lawyer'

PS Dear Mister- Dear Mr xxx
If you're using a name, then use 'Yours sincerely'

Re: CPE Writing part

Thank you! Here's another one:

An area in the centre of your town is to be redeveloped. The Town Council has published the following suggestions and asked for proposals from residents. You decide to write a proposal addressed to the Town Council in which you discuss the advantages of each suggestion and justify your choice of one of the options.

Town Redevelopment

• a leisure centre, which will not only update the existing sports facilities, but also include new cinemas and restaurants;
• a hotel and conference centre designed to attract visitors and increase opportunities for employment locally;
• a supermarket with a multi-storey car park and some new homes for local people.

Introduction

The Town Council has proposed a redevelopment of the main area in the centre of our town. Not only will this attract tourism, and consequently benefit our town, but it will also be a good opportunity for residents to enjoy the new facilities and, at the same time, find new jobs.

Recommendations

The first option suggested was the creation of a leisure centre with cinemas and restaurants, along with the renewal of the pre-existing sports facilities. This may be the perfect choice for both parents and children: after some relieving physical activity and an enjoyable dinner, they could head to the cinema and spend a lovely evening together.
The second option was to build a hotel and conference centre. I feel this is probably the best option for our town. The hotel would definitely attract visitors and tourists. The conference centre, on the other hand, would be a splendid meeting point for professionals and experts, who would enjoy the peaceful and calm atmosphere of our town. In addition, the complex will also be a superb opportunity for residents to find new jobs. As the level of employment has decreased dramatically in the last few years, I feel this alternative would be particularly beneficial, for both the economy and the dwellers.
The third option proposed was to renew the area by building a supermarket with a multi-storey parking and new houses for residents. Although the idea seems very promising, I don’t feel this would be the best choice. Building new homes would be time-consuming and prevent the redevelopment from completing. In addition, the supermarket would not be as useful as it may seem, since there already are numerous stores and mini-markets in town. On the positive side, however, the supermarket would create new job opportunities, allowing youngsters to work in town.

Conclusion

All the measures proposed for the renewal of the town’s city centre could be effective. However, since they would all entail a big financial outlay, I suggest we should choose the most profitable option. And that option, as I suggested above, would probably be the second the Town Council has put forward.