Randall has written a song called Every Major's Terrible and this comic illustrates the song. In this song the term Major refers to the US version of an academic major. And the point of the song is that it makes no sense to pick any major since they are all terrible!

The header notes that the song is written to the tune of the satirical Major-General's Song from Gilbert and Sullivan's 1879 comic opera The Pirates of Penzance. The song satirizes the idea of the "modern" educated British Army officer of the latter 19th century. Major general is a military rank in Britain and many other countries. (See here a YouTube video of " I Am the Very Model of A Modern Major-General" to get the tune). The meter in the Major-General's Song is iambic octameter, which means that in each line there are eight iambs, where an iamb is two syllables in an unstressed-stressed pattern. Therefore, each line contains 16 syllables.

The panels show Randall's rewritten lyrics to the song. Below each of the three verses are described in detail (go to Verse 1, Verse 2 or Verse 3). Each verse ends with "Just put me down as 'Undecided' - Every Major's Terrible", which gives the song its name — and "Major's Terrible" is similar enough to "Major General", the corresponding lyrics in the original version, to serve as a callback. The last line of the first verse in each song goes as follows:

His last suggestion, "Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious", from Mary Poppins, is another fast-paced patter-song with a somewhat similar tune, though it doesn't fit quite so well, and the match falls apart at the end of the fourth line, when the "Um-diddly"s start up — still, it's better than nothing.

There are at least two performances of this xkcd song online where the transcription is shown to make it easier to understand the text:

Regarding the title text: "Undeclared" is sometimes called "General Studies". Most U.S. universities will not let you get a degree in this, let alone an advanced degree such as a Ph.D. Also, it should probably be noted that this song refers to U.S.-like university systems, in other countries, one will study little to nothing outside your major, making it more-or-less impossible to be undecided as to major.

Cueball is posing as Rodin's The Thinker, a common symbol for philosophy. The equation in the background (two plus light bulb equals sailboat) is nonsense, hence "math sans rigor, sense or practicality" (sans meaning without).

Panel 2, And math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality.

A cannon is firing. However, instead of going in the normal parabolic arc (a precept of reality and thus physics), the cannonball splits and splits again, so that it looks like a bifurcation diagram from chaos theory. The dashed line indicates the cannonball's trajectory, which bifurcates twice, although the sum of the momentums of the four resulting (1/4 sized?) cannonballs is presumably mathematically identical to the original.

Panel 3, A business major's just a thing you get so you can graduate

Business is the most common major, often seen as a practical choice applicable to a wide variety of careers, or, as the comic illustrates, preferred by those who just want an easy way to graduate. Cueball gets his diploma and runs away from the dean on the podium while shedding both his robe and his square academic cap (or Mortarboard).

Panel 4, And chemistry's for stamp collectors high on methylacetate.

Stamp collecting refers to the famous quote by Ernest Rutherford, "All science is either physics or stamp collecting." Methyl acetate is a solvent that for instance can be used to remove stamps from their envelope (although water will do the same). The stamps in the background form the periodic table of the chemical elements. And since chemistry is not physics, according to the quote, chemists must be stamp collectors (as, the high on methylacetate, Ponytail wearing goggles and holding an Erlenmeyer flask).

Panels 5, Why anyone who wants a job would study lit's a mystery

Panels 6, Unless their only other choice were something like art history.

These lines, both sung by Cueball, refer to subjects where a majority of graduates will end up unemployed or eventually working in a field outside their majors. Topics such as Literature or Art History are often and historically said to be in this category — although from actual statistics, it is clear that there are far worse majors these days.

Panels 7, A BA in communications guarantees that you'll achieve

Panels 8, A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave

Here Cueball first has a major in Communications and next he is seen underwater with a basket. Underwater basket weaving is a commonly used metaphor for any college major that is easy or worthless. "Communications" is a major chosen by people interested in news broadcasting or other media. For why that might be criticized see Bad PR. Note that, if following the original music exactly, the line "A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave." will be repeated three times by the chorus after these panels.

Panel 9, I'd rather eat a Fowler's toad than major in biology,

We see Cueball holding a frog out in front of him while taking his hand to his head (in disgust?). A Fowler's toad is a relatively common toad in the eastern US, and a stereotype of studying biology is a frog dissection, which is likely part of the reference, albeit oblique. Fowler's Toad emits a noxious secretion that irritates skin and thus probably also the mucous membranes in the mouth. It would thus be rather painful to eat, making it very bad for Cueball to major in biology since he would rather eat such a toad.

Panel 10, And social psych is worse than either psych or sociology.

Social psychology is compared to sociology (study of humans in society) and psychology (study of human minds). Psychology is represented by a serial killer with a chainsaw, and sociology is represented by a zombie. These are to the left of Megan. To her right is a zombie serial killer with chainsaw. She is standing between them undecided as to take one, the other or both. They are all terrible options...

Panels 11, The thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable,

Panels 12, Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

End of the first verse where Cueball tells his academic advisor that he is undecided as every major's terrible. He even throws away his study guide. Every verse ends with some variation of this couplet, and in the original tune, each of these couplets are repeated by the chorus afterwards.

Prognosticate means "to predict". This refers to the inability of seismology to reliably predict catastrophic earthquakes, even after centuries of extensive research. The panel shows seismic waves from a seismograph. The seismograph chart has four traces and about halfway across one trace begins oscillating vigorously indicating an earthquake. Five months after this comic was published several seismologists in Italy were convicted of crimes that effectively stemmed from an inability to predict an earthquake. This does not go down well for the message of this panel... Their conviction was overturned on appeal in 2014.

Panel 14, But if your hindsight's weak as well, you'd best stick to theology.

The bearded theologist represents Theology by stating the formal logic proposition shown in the illustration: "X ∴ ∃X". This says "I can describe this thing called X, therefore X exists". This is basically what the popular ontological argument for God boils down to. Briefly, it asks you to imagine the best possible deity. A God like that which exists is better than one that doesn't. But we said we were imagining the best possible deity. Therefore, this proposition concludes that God exists. (See 1505: Ontological Argument.)

Panel 15, CS will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren.

"CS" is short for "Computer Science." Most programming languages use parentheses as part of their syntax, and often have multiply-nested parenthetical expressions. This is especially true of Lisp. It is often difficult for a programmer to determine where the unbalanced parenthesis begins or ends when the code and parentheses are not properly formatted and indented. In the panel there is one more left "(" parenthesis (13) than right ")" or close-paren (12). The problem is now, where to put this last one...

Panel 16, Virology will guarantee you'll never get a hug again.

Virology is the study of infectious diseases. The green symbol above the central figure is the biohazard symbol, implying that people who study infectious diseases, and are therefore located near them at some points in time, will be shunned like the plague, because they're probably carrying it. Thus no hugs to Megan as three Cueball like guys and Ponytail leans back away from her.

Panel 17, I.T. prepares you for a life of fighting with PCs nonstop.

"I.T." is short for "Information Technology", a degree for people who maintain computer systems. If there is a need for an I.T. position (in which I.T. professionals are employed) there are computers which need fixing — hence the I.T. Professional is always fixing (or fighting) computers, which may or may not have been "broken" by users. In the panel Megan, wielding an axe, is in a real fight with a PC.

Panel 18, As Pratchett said, "Geography's just physics slowed with trees on top."

This is a slightly amended quote from Discworld author Terry Pratchett, from his book "The Last Continent". The actual quote is "Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it." But the meaning is the same, that physics also describes geography - a similar quote to the one about physics vs. stamp collections mentioned under panel 4.

Panel 19, Though physics seems to promise you a Richard Feynman-like career,

Richard Feynman was a 20th-century Nobel-laureate physicist known for his great sense of humor, including being photographed for one of his books while holding a bongo drum. Here he is depicted with the drum and with both a blond woman and Megan looking admiringly upon him. Feynman made physicist seem cool, and many a young fan of him, might choose the subject in the hope of obtaining a Feynman-like career. This is, however, very unlikely for most people as is also shown in the next panel.

Panel 20, The wiki page for "Physics major" redirects to "Engineer."

A redirect on Wikipedia is a page which immediately sends the visitor to a different page. This implies that the title of the first is either a synonym or a sub-topic of the second. Physics major usually learn to code, and the standard joke is that they invariably get hired as computer programmers after graduation, but here in this comic they get hired as engineers. This relates back to the previous panel, as it is here shown that most of those that major in physics end up as engineers and not like Feynman. The Wikipedia page physics major didn't actually exist when this comic was published. It was created the same day, but as a redirect to physics education. It is such a redirect page that is shown in the panel. In the subsequent days, there were dozens of instances of people changing it to redirect to engineer, usually reverted within minutes. The redirect page is now fully protected and locked for editing. As with the underwater basket-weaving line in the first verse, after the soloist sings this, the line would be repeated three times by the chorus.

Panels 21, They say to study history or find yourself repeating it,

Panels 22, But all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it.

This uses a version of a quote by George Santayana (although often attributed to others as well), Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it as a reason to study history — only to be followed by an indication that by studying history as a major, you will only be prepared to become a history teacher, and you will then spend the rest of your life teaching history. The first panel shows a flow chart that will lead you to repeat your sad past if you cannot remember it, and only move on to happier times if you can. In the next panel we see a Hairbun as a history teacher, with glasses and her gray hair tied up in a bun, standing in front of a green blackboard with three important years for her current history class. (If anyone spots a connection between 1935, 1969 and 1991 please state it here).

Panels 23, I recognize my four-year plan's at this point not repairable,

Panels 24, But put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

End of the second verse where Cueball again talks to his academic advisor saying that he is undecided. In the last of the two panel he says almost the same as at the end of the first verse. In the first, however, he mentioned his "four-year plan" which is the list of all the courses a student plans to include in his/her degree program. If you change majors every semester, or do not decide on one until too late, this list gets really difficult to turn into any one degree. Again these lines would be repeated by the chorus afterwards.

Panel 25, Astronomers all cringe when they hear "supermoon" or "zodiac".

Supermoon is a term invented by astrologers in the 1970s, with no significance in astronomy other than being the co-occurrence of orbital perigee and full-moon. But it comes up often in the press, linked to supernatural behavior. That also Randall dislikes seems realistic and he also "mocked" the term soon after in 1080: Visual Field and then finally confirmed what he thought about the term directly when he published 1394: Superm*n. The zodiac is the circular band in the sky containing the apparent path of the sun, moon and planets. Most often when people talk about it, they're referring to astrology and horoscopes and other pseudo-scientific notions which often lead to conversations which are frustrating to astronomers, like the bearded one from the panel.

Panel 26, Agronomy's a no-go; I'm a huge agorophobiac.

Agronomy is the science of farming, while agoraphobia is the fear of wide open spaces. Fields, where most farming happens, are wide open spaces. In the panel an anxious Cueball is standing near a fence on an open field with a tractor. Presumable he may be OK inside the tractor, but once he gets outside he becomes anxious.

Panel 27, I'm too ophiophobic to consider herpetology,

Herpetology is the study of reptiles and amphibians, while ophiophobia is the fear of snakes (a reptile). The panel shows sweating Cueball holding his hands to his mouth while looking at a green snake asking for his love? It is possible that Cueball is afraid of the snake, who is harmless and just wants to be friends.

Pre-med (pre-medical) is a major chosen by students hoping to go on to medical school to study medicine and eventually become doctors. Medical school is extremely competitive and usually requires a very high undergraduate GPA for prospective students. Hence we see a pre-med student holding on to all his GPA results.

Panel 30, a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté.

The text is in all lower-case, a different font and strangely laid out compared to the text in all the other panels. All-lower-case and "free" layout are both associated with 20th century "Modernist" poetry, especially the works of E. E. Cummings. Ponytail is actually reciting this line of the song.

Panels 31, TV's behind the rush into forensic criminology

Panels 32, (Or so claims meta-academic epidemiology).

This refers to how forensic-criminology shows, specifically CSI: Miami (Crime Scene Investigation: Miami) as shown on the TV screen in both panels, that often dramatize, exaggerate or otherwise confuse the science behind forensics, give people unrealistically glamorous views of the career, thus encouraging them to join it. Epidemiology is the study of causes and effects of events and trends. We see a pipe smoking epidemiologist standing with Ponytail and watching CSI - presumably making wild claims on cause and effect based only on what they see on TV... This is, again, the point where the chorus joins in three times, as in the previous two verses.

"Econ" is short for "economics". Thomas Carlyle declared economics "the dismal science" in the Victorian era as a derogatory alternative name. Economists often claim that economics is a science like any other; however, as the predictive power of all economic theories are exceedingly weak compared to those of any science, this is disputed by those outside the field at times. It is of course also disputed by this song, in which Cueball "clearly" (see below) states that economics should not call it self a science - that is the dismal science is not derogatory enough for him.

The sentences uttered by Cueball in these two panels are extremely difficult English for non-native English speakers.

The "disappointingly inadequate" is fine - it's "science" where they evade the truth in a clear and unambiguous manner.

Panels 35, In terms of choices, I'd say only Sophie's was comparable.

Panels 36, Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible!

End of the third verse, with yet another variant on the closing couplet. Choosing a major is compared to Sophie's Choice, which is any dilemma where choosing one cherished person or thing over the other will result in the death or destruction of the other, derived from the theme of the novel of the same name, which has also been turned into a romantic drama film. So Cueball tells the academic advisor that choosing any of the majors over any other is as horrible as to have to choose which cherished person should die to save the other. Although in his case, it is the other way around, since he thinks all choices sucks. Again these lines would be repeated by the chorus.

[To make it easier to read the lyrics, the lyrics text is double indented. If someone says the line, their name stands above the line they say. If no one says the line it is just written after the description. Unless otherwise stated, the text is inside the frame of the panel above the drawing. If any other text is present it will be written after the lyrics.]

[Panel 1: Cueball sitting with his chin on fist on a gray rock. Next to him is a mathematical expression "2 + a picture of yellow glowing light bulb = picture of Cueball in sailboat on a blue sea".]

Philosophy's just math sans rigor, sense, and practicality

Expression: 2+ =

[Panel 2: A black and brown cannon standing on a green hill fires and a dashed line indicates the cannonball's trajectory. The line splits in two twice ending up at 4 cannonballs.]

And math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality.

[Panel 3: A student in robes and square academic cap receives a diploma from a dean on a brown podium, while Cueball, diploma in hand, runs away on the green lawn, arms in the air, shedding both robe and cap.]

A business major's just a thing you get so you can graduate

[Panel 4: Ponytail wearing goggles and holding a flask with the periodic table in the background. Three stars and circle lines around her head indicates that she is dizzy.]

And chemistry's for stamp collectors high on methylacetate.

[Panel 5: Cueball holds up hands questioningly.]

Cueball:

Why anyone who wants a job would study lit's a mystery

[Panel 6: Cueball holding his chin.]

Cueball:

Unless their only other choice were something like art history.

[Panel 7: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is a close-up of Cueball as a graduate wearing yellow embroidered robe and yellow tasseled mortarboard.]

A BA in communications guarantees that you'll achieve

[Panel 8: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is again the same Cueball graduate. Only now he is emerged in blue water. A wicker basket flows to the left, where air bubbles escape from Cueball. To the right are two fish.]

A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave

[Panel 9: Cueball holding a gray frog at arm's length.]

Cueball:

I'd rather eat a Fowler's toad than major in biology,

Frog: Ribbit

[Panel 10: Megan indicating to the left a scruffy individual and an individual holding a chainsaw, and to the right another scruffy individual holding a chainsaw.]

And social psych is worse than either psych or sociology.

[Panel 11: Cueball stands in front of a brown desk holding a gray course catalog. Behind the desk sits a man with glasses and hair at the back of his head. He sits on his gray office chair. There is a stack of papers on the desk.]

Cueball:

The thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable.

[Panel 12: Same picture as panel 11, only now Cueball tosses the course catalog over his shoulder.]

Cueball:

Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

[Panel 13: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is a seismograph chart with four traces; about halfway across one trace begins oscillating vigorously.]

Now, if you can't prognosticate, that's OK in seismology,

[Panel 14: A bearded man with white hair states a formula with his left arm lifted.]

But if your hindsight's weak as well, you'd best stick to theology.

Bearded man: X ∴ ∃X

[Panel 15: Two lines with gray parenthesis.]

CS will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren.

Code: (((()((((()(

Code: ))))())())())

[Panel 16: Megan with a green biohazard symbol floating above her head stands alone; to the left and right three Cueball-like guys and Ponytail shun her.]

Virology will guarantee you'll never get a hug again.

[Panel 17: Megan running at a PC on a brown table with a brown and black axe raised over her head.]

I.T. prepares you for a life of fighting with PCs nonstop.

[Panel 18: The frame is a little smaller than the other frames. Above the frame is the first part of the text. In the frame is an image of a bearded man with glasses who says the rest of the text. ]

As Pratchett said,

Pratchett:

"Geography's just physics slowed with trees on top."

[Panel 19: A man with black hair plays on brown bongo drums while a blond woman and Megan look in at him from left and right.]

Though physics seems to promise you a Richard Feynman-like career,

[Panel 20: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is screenshot of a wiki redirect page. Below the title is the normal text for such a page. This is unreadable though, although it is possible to imagine it is possible to read the first line which would say: From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. But not the other line which would be Redirect page. Below this line is an arrow down to the page the redirect points to. This is written in blue letters.]

The wiki page for "Physics major" redirects to "Engineer."

Wiki page:

Physics major

Engineer

[Panel 21: Flowchart: a gray box with a sad face chains to a decision diamond reading simply "?"; the "yes" branch leads to a yellow happy-face box while the "no" branch loops back to the initial sad face.]

They say to study history or find yourself repeating it,

Flow chart:

?

No

Yes

[Panel 22: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. In the frame is Hairbun as a teacher with boxy spectacles and a bun in front of a green chalkboard with three years in white.]

But all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it.

Chalkboard:

1935

1969

1991

[Panel 23: Cueball at his adviser's desk again as in panel 12, but now without any catalog and holding his arms down.]

Cueball:

I recognize my four-year plan's at this point not repairable,

[Panel 24: Same as panel 23 except Cueball has raised a first and the adviser has his hand to his mouth.]

Cueball:

But put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

[Panel 25: Image of a bald man with beard and glasses. He raised both hands one as a fist the other pointing up. There are lines out from his head to the left and lightning lines out from his head to the right.]

Astronomers all cringe when they hear "supermoon" or "zodiac".

[Panel 26: Silhouette of Cueball, agitated, in an open field near a fence and a tractor.]

Agronomy's a no-go; I'm a huge agorophobiac.

[Panel 27: Cueball looking aghast at a green snake on the ground, both hands at his mouth and sweat jumping from his head. The snake also thinks about Cueball but in red and black.]

[Panel 30: Ponytail reciting poetry; her poem is this panel's line, in a lighter, lower-case font.]

Ponytail:

a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté.

[Panel 31: The text is above this panels frame, which is only about two third of the other frames. The frame is a TV screen with the CSI: Miami logo, CSI in yellow.]

TV's behind the rush into forensic criminology

TV screen:

CSI:

Miami

[Panel 32: A balding man wearing glasses and holding a smoking pipe together with Ponytail holding a notebook watch a wall-mounted flat-screen TV on which the CSI: Miami logo from the previous panel is showing.]

(Or so claims meta-academic epidemiology).

TV screen:

CSI:

Miami

[Panel 33: Cueball is talking with his left arm raised, palm up.]

Cueball:

By dubbing econ "dismal science" adherents exaggerate;

[Panel 34: Close-up on Cueball with left arm up.]

Cueball:

The "dismal"'s fine—it's "science" where they patently prevaricate.

[Panel 35: As panel 23 with Cueball at his adviser's desk once more though with both hands held out in front of him.]

Cueball:

In terms of choices, I'd say only Sophie's was comparable.

[Panel 36: Same as panel 35 except that Cueball makes a final dramatic flair spreading both arms out.]

1935 is certainly related to some event that lead to the WWII (a quick look at the Wikipedia page for 1935 show that was the year Hitler rearmed Germany), which paved the way to the Cold War. 1969 was Apollo 11, a high moment of the Cold War, as the USA essentially won the race to the Moon. And 1991 was the year that the USSR dissolved, officially ending the Cold War. Sir labreck (talk) 18:37, 11 August 2015 (UTC)

This explanation is very small for that big comic. I am starting to add the transcript and after that I will do more investigations to that opera. This should be the key to explain all the panels.--Dgbrt (talk) 19:13, 21 May 2013 (UTC)

The answer won't lie in the song, trust me. Pirates of Penzance is probably my favorite comic opera out there. Plus Randall gives that the lie in saying you can use the tune from the elements song (a well-known parody) or even Marry Poppins (similar tune, but not exactly the same). I think each panel is just a reference to the words, I don't think that Randall is actually involving The Pirates of Penzance in any way other than the tune. 173.245.52.211 20:53, 9 December 2013 (UTC)

Feynman was also known for being a ladies' man, so the two girls in panel 19 are significant IMHO.
--141.101.80.117 13:51, 25 December 2013 (UTC)

Needs explanation what does it mean to choose a major, and what major is in this context. Note every reader is from U.S.A.; different countries have different higher education systems. --JakubNarebski (talk) 10:56, 9 January 2014 (UTC)

"Math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality" - that isn't a binary tree, its a bifurcation diagram from chaos theory. And, sorry, it has nothing to do with the Banach–Tarski paradox - that's just mindless name-dropping.
Davidbak (talk) 20:54, 10 February 2014 (UTC)

Are you sure it is not just an illustration of Banach-Tarski, arguably the most famous example where mathematical reality and (physical) intuition diverge? Why would the verse be illustrated by a bifurcation diagram (which I think, and I might be a bit ignorant here, is a concept pretty much only found in the "applied side" of mathematics, which is constrained by precepts of reality)? And even if it were a bifurcation diagram, why would the mass of the balls change? (again, I am perhaps showcasing my ignorance; if so, please be gentle) Finally, i would deem the bifurcation explanation a bit too obscure to be the real deal - a panel which is only understood by somewhat specialized mathematicians seems strange to me, especially given that all other frames contain understandable references. 108.162.229.183 13:38, 9 October 2015 (UTC)

---
I think that the reason for not getting hugs in panel 16 is more to do with the fact that as a virus researcher you would be aware of how easy it is to get a virus/disease and so you would keep away from people and be worried about hugs because of that. (Sorry if I've done something wrong this is my first comment!) Yxquillio (talk) 08:24, 3 January 2016 (UTC)

Another song I guess could provide a good match is "Can You Stop the Calvary?" by Jona Lewie (or "Where's the Modding API" if you're a YOGSCAST fan like me. :)) --JayRulesXKCD (talk) 11:50, 20 September 2016 (UTC)

"End of the first verse where Cueball tells his academic advisor that he is undecided as every major's terrible. He even throws away his study guide." Are you sure it's not a course catalog? 108.162.212.59 10:33, 19 June 2017 (UTC)

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