Pages

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Muted and Hurting

Dear You,

It's been a long time since I cried as much as I did. I feel sick and tired of the things we fight about. Sometimes, I keep wondering if I should be more strict in our relationship regarding the things that I am annoyed of with you. Because now, it's like I'm the one at fault because of getting mad for something I feel is the best way to deal with a certain situation.

You've told me you're giving me a second chance to correct my wrongdoings and my quirks. But can't you see my frustrations with you as well? Can't you see that every time I let small errors pass, I strip myself of the personality that built me into the strong person I used to be? Are my efforts not considered as sacrifices of my individuality?

It's too painful and I want to fight my point 'til the end. But what's the use if you'll never listen anyway? What's the point in impressing my opinion when I know for a fact that you have filtered listening?

I always tell you I don't have a choice anymore but to forgive you because it's been done. After all, the things I get mad at are just minor details of the life we will have ahead of us. How much more can I take? Am I doing a downward spiral to feeling choice-less and powerless once again? Will I reach the point of shutting up even when my heart is being wrenched inside? Will I no longer feel any passion to what I firmly believe because I love you? Is it even considered love? Or a single-sided relationship?

My eyes hurt.... and my body has switched from raged to numb.... no fire in my eyes nor anger in my voice... I am now your wingless bird.