Man Of Steel

We’ve lived with the Dark Knight series so long, we frankly couldn’t imagine a superhero who wasn’t a little emo. Even The Avengers featured Mark Ruffalo‘s moody, broody Hulk. Luckily, as director Zack Snyder’s Tree of Life-looking teaser trailer suggested and the film’s new trailer confirms, Man of Steel‘s Superman is all about the feels. Even the film’s IMDB description seems intent on resetting our expectations of Superman: “An alien infant is raised on Earth, and grows up with superhuman abilities. He sets out to use these abilities to guard his adopted world.” Uh, you mean the story of Superman? Which everyone in the world knows by heart? Fair enough. While most superheroes tend to be somewhat emotional (does everyone’s parents have to be dead?), Man of Steel seems to score highest on the Brooding Superhero Trope scorecard:

Sure, they walk around in skintight clothing and rescue kittens and girls from great heights and all that, but we were never really sure if it was OK to lust after superheroes. Well, Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel looks like it’s settling that debate for us. How else are we supposed to feel about seeing a jacked-up Henry Cavill in handcuffs? (Worried about his fate, and thus the fate of Earth, or something? Psshaw.) Nope, those tiny cuffs aren’t actually going to hold Superman. Much the way other kinds of cuffs, say the Fifty Shades of Grey kind, are actually not that hard to get out of for normal people.

Tell me, Warner Bros. Did you mean to put these thoughts in our heads when you posted this new one-sheet poster on Facebook last night? Too late if you didn’t. Now we’re fully expecting even more dirty thoughts when we see the trailer before The Hobbit — and that’s kind of frustrating when you’re about to enter the sexless realm of Middle-earth. Well, thanks anyway!

It’s like when you were a kid and you find out your mom has gum in her purse. Two seconds ago you had no desire for gum, and now you’re screaming and grabbing the steering wheel, trying to get at that sweet, sweet Wrigleys. Does that analogy make any sense all? What we’re trying saying is, now that we have heard the rumor that Joseph Gordon-Levitt could play Batman in either Justice League or as a cameo in the upcoming Superman movie Man of Steel, we want itto happen so bad. So we guess the gum would be Joseph Gordon-Levitt, your mom would be Hollywood and the steering wheel would be, um, let’s say, public opinion. We’re not English professors here, people!

Sadly, despite the support of nerds worldwide, it seems that the gossip is just gossip…for now. Hollywood.com reports that JRL’s reps “have refuted the rumor entirely.” However! Since it’s pretty obvious from the buzz that there is at least a curiosity about Gordon-Levitt donning the cape and cowl, maybe Justice League filmmakers or Man of Steel director Zack Snyder will make it happen? This could be like Mark Wahlberg and Transformers 4all over again! Except we actually want this one to happen!

If it wasn’t for the classic red-and-blue costume streaking through the sky at the tail end of the Man of Steel trailer, we would have thought Zack Snyder’s Superman movie was a particularly well-done arthouse flick. Maybe it actually is! Squee! In case you didn’t catch a sneak peek of the trailer before your screening of The Dark Knight Rises, the whole spot is radically different than trailers we’ve seen hyping TheAmazing Spider-Man, The Avengers or Christopher Nolan‘s Batman movies. If anything, so far Man of Steel seems like a compliment to Nolan’s Batman: realistic and moody, but potentially more hopeful. Good call, Snyder. Our other thoughts about how the trailer manages to differentiate Man of Steel from other superhero movies include:

Gladiator. The Talented Mr. Ripley. American Psycho. What do all these movies have in common? Absurdly. Hot. Villains. Allegedly joining the grand cinematic tradition of evil hotties is Bradley Cooper, who is rumored to cameo as Superman’s archnemesis Lex Luthor in the upcoming Man of Steel movie. While Michael Shannon stars as the film’s main bad guy General Zod, the website Comic Book News is now claiming that the Hangover: Part II star will allegedly at least cameo as Luthor in the 2013 film. Meanwhile, Bradley will be appearing as Lex Luthor in our elaborate erotic daydreams starting…now.

Of course, Henry Cavill isn’t so bad as Superman and his bespectacled nerdlinger alter ego, either; we bet Amy Adams‘ Lois Lane wouldn’t kick him out of bed for accidentally smashing her nightstand with his absurd alien strength. But is Clark Kent going to tent his fingers and laugh maniacally as he plots the bleak fate of a doomed Metropolis, all the while pinning you to the wall with his piercing blue eyes? No. No, he is not. Here’s hoping Bradley will.

When we picture the alien inhabitants of Krypton (which we do almost constantly), they’re usually very icy and angular and coldly scientific, which is why we infinitely prefer the idea of a bearded, rage-filled Aussie packing little Kal-El’s diaper bag instead. Director Zack Snyder is reportedly hoping to wrangle Russell Crowe as Superman’s father Jor-El for his upcoming reboot Man Of Steel. Crowe would play proud papa to Henry Cavill as Superman, as his son saves the world multiple times and romances Amy Adams’s Lois Lane. Of course Crowe will likely only be appearing in flashbacks due to his planet blowing up and everything, but hey, there’s always some new form of extraterrestrial technology that will have him pop up in a holograph. We’d be willing to bet on it.

Rounding out the cast, Clark’s adopted earth parents Jonathan and Martha Kent will be played by Kevin Costner and Diane Lane, respectively. The Robin Hood star is just the latest star to be added following the rumored casting of Revolutionary Road‘s Michael Shannon as General Zod, who, on the flip side, looks exactly like we’d imagine a Superman villain to look. It’s almost spooky.

You have to give them credit—every actor announced for the Superman remake has been more interesting then the last. Where Super-Henry Cavill is a question mark and Kevin Costner as Pa Kent doesn’t exactly set our wallets on fire, Amy Adams’ Lois Lane could be formidable and we’re seriously intrigued by the latest news. Warner Bros. confirmed Sunday that Boardwalk Empire badass Michael Shannon will play villanious Kryptonian General Zod in Zack Snyder‘s upcoming Man Of Steel—which is what they’re officially calling the new film.

Anyone who’s seen Shannon on Empire or in films like The Runaways and Revolutionary Road (for which he earned an Oscar nomination) knows that the 6’3″ actor owns every scene he’s in, and he’ll need every bit of mojo to follow Terence Stamp‘s imperious performance as Zod in the first two Superman movies—not just anyone can yell “Come to me, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod!” and make it work. Is it too much to ask that Shannon keep the low-cut, easy-breathing robe that Stamp wore in his classic take on the character? Anyone who can terrorize Metropolis by blowing on it would dress for comfort.