Random blog posts since 2001. Other randomness since 1984.

Random blog posts since 2001. Other randomness since 1984.

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My name is Janet. I was born in 1984 on the cusp of Aquarius and Pisces. I've had this site since 2001. I love to watch/read anything to do with vampires. I'm interested in learning about mythology, serial killers, and various other things that don't generally interest people my age. I tend to discuss my problems in this blog, so if you don't want to read my whining about my health, then you might want to go now. There's a fanlisting for me that you could join, if you want. (No pressure.)

The past week has been rough. Seeing political leaders in my state make excuse after excuse for Roy Moore has made me want to scream. Seeing people I know in real life dismiss the claims has made me want to cry. Seeing “conservatives” attack the character of victims has been disgusting. Seeing “liberals” talk about how my state is a festering limb ready to be amputated or how we should be targeted with nuclear strikes because of the reactions by some residents has been infuriating. It’s just been overwhelming. I believe the accusers.1 That should not be shocking. I try to always believe the accusers, even if it’s someone I (once) adored or respected.2 I’m not going to go into specifics, but the whole idea that it’s a conspiracy against Moore is just pretty irrational. There is no conspiracy by the left or by the “GOP establishment” to malign him. If anyone just wanted to discredit the man, they needn’t make up sexual abuse allegations. His career is enough for most reasonable people to determine he’s not qualified. I don’t like Roy Moore. I never have. I never will. He’s not someone I think deserves respect. He definitely shouldn’t hold a public office of any sort. I thought that before these allegations because I’m familiar with how abusive he can be when holding office. I don’t believe people who have a history of violating constitutional rights and who want to turn the country into a theocracy are fit for public office. I don’t really understand why there have been so many concern trolls from out of state trying to tell me how wonderful Moore is. They don’t even know the first thing about him. They just view this as an attack on their principles. And I just cringe because I know how horrific his principles are, so I have to hope they really don’t share them because the alternative is, well, horrific. This is not a left vs right issue. It’s an issue of wrong vs right. Most people understand this. Many of Moore’s biggest critics have been Republicans, as have the accusers, so this idea that it’s Democrats plotting against him just underscores how out of touch his supporters are when it comes to politics and to acceptable human behavior. How can it be controversial or overtly political to oppose child abuse? I don’t know how anyone could think a person accused of sexually abusing, harassing, and stalking teenage girls belongs in the Senate. That just completely baffles me. And I can’t see any political issue being important enough that it would justify a vote for someone so vile. What issue could make it okay to vote for someone accused of abusing kids? Listening to the stories of the women and hearing the reactions by people across the aisle has just made it difficult as a child sexual abuse survivor to deal. It’s everywhere I look, and it triggers my obsessive tendencies to seek out more about the story. That just leads to more stress which leads to unhealthy coping techniques. I had gone a week-and-a-half without chocolate when the story broke. Within two days, I had started on a chocolate binge and I’ll have to work myself back off the candy. I know that sounds like a ridiculous thing to blame on this story, but it’s the reality. And when I see people choosing to dismiss the allegations because they were from decades ago, it makes me think that they would not believe me or any of other survivors that wait years before talking about it—if they ever do. It makes the world feel more frightening and foreign. It makes me feel alone. Every time they tear down an accuser because she’s not perfect, it makes me feel like they won’t believe any survivor. It’s just a lot to deal with and sometimes I just want to scream until my throat is raw because I know these reactions by his defenders are harmful and wrong, and I hate them for making recovering from the trauma of sexual violence that much harder. I just have to figure out how to deal with this story and allo its dredging up. I don’t see it going away any time soon. I have to hope that my state will do the right thing in the end. Have I just agreed with Mirch McConnell? The end must be nigh. ↩Al Franken. ↩

If you followed my Twitter account or my Facebook profile during the 2016 election, you may have learned that a guy I had a crush on in high school is a huge Trump fan. You might know that Richie and I got into skirmish after skirmish over political and social issues. He would randomly post on things and say rather cruel things to me. He would encourage friends of his to do the same. You might know that I eventually blocked him. In high school, I liked another guy a lot more than I liked Richie. From early in tenth grade until sometime in college, I was convinced that I was in love with John Allen. I even blogged about him all those years ago. John Allen was a pothead at the time and thought it would be hilarious if I ever got drunk. He never saw me drunk.1 After I quit high school, I sent him a sort of love letter in a birthday card for his seventeenth birthday. I confessed my feelings in it. I gave him an ultimatum: we either date or the friendship was over. For almost two years, we’d confessed a lot of our secrets and stressors to each other, but he would also talk about his relationships in front of me. I thought he must not know how I felt before the letter. It wasn’t like I wrote him notes every day and apologized profusely on the days when he’d show up to class & there’d be no note.2 I’m sure I flirted without subtlety.3 Anyway, when I never heard back after the letter, I tried to move on. It took a while and I finally did. When Facebook came into existence, I looked for him. After Matt died, I found him on Facebook and we were finally “friends” again.4 I realized friends was all we’d ever be. And I was thankful it had never been more. Now, I’m doubly thankful because I stumbled onto this. I was looking for something totally different, but I knew as soon as I read it that it was him. What a douche. I told my mom that I realized now that teenage me had bad taste. She said she’d known that for years. That’s when she told me that that’s why she didn’t push me to start dating as a teenager. She knew I’d pick someone who could either hurt me emotionally or in some other way. I get why she didn’t tell me back then. I would have probably more actively pursued a harmful relationship. I always knew teenage me would a been a bit on the slutty side, but now I think I would have been reckless. I just needed to grow up and get perspective. I’ve never been drunk. ↩He never wrote one for me. He did write half a page in my 10th grade yearbook & he said he kept every note I wrote him. ↩I may be shy, but when I’m into someone I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. ↩Until he got married and deleted the account. ↩

It’s just a hat and some bumper stickers. Why does that bother you so much? Get better priorities. via Instagram This wasn’t even the first Trump fan to respond this way today. It’s like they’re trolling Instagram looking for people to pick arguments with–because that’s totally what they are doing. It’s not like they do this on every social media outlet, except for all of them.1 Yeah, they sure do the whole winning gracefully thing well.2 They even do it on hashtag games. ↩When they aren’t threatening to send people to cremation ovens. ↩

I was told tonight that the reason that people don’t donate to my GoFundMe is that I’m a douche. My douchiness is an apparent result of my defense of Twitter friend who was being attacked for his lack of tweets after that friend had challenged this other dude over his hostile attitude over a Teen Vogue article that said Trump was gaslighting America and was endangering American democracy. BREAKING: Dude with 20k tweets thinks he’s hot shit for having 20k tweets, so he lashes out at a teen magazine. Seriously, bro? https://t.co/mWtZ69XfTo — Janet Morris (@janersm) December 11, 2016 In response to my tweet, he decided to call me “Super Girl”12 and to follow that up with mocking of my GoFundMe fundraiser. At first, it didn’t seem like he was making fun of me, but it became obvious rather quickly. BREAKING: Dude with 20k tweets responds to 257 Tweeter because no one @ ed him and Super Girl arrives. https://t.co/W8qRSAdVKd — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 JUST IN: Super Girl needs help with her house. Go fund her? https://t.co/LGVJp7sC41 — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 JUST IN: Super Girl is human. And flawed af. But eager to spread the news of her house needing repairs. More at 6. @janersm pic.twitter.com/iKv6Ywubfu — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 He decided that I don’t understand how he feels about Trump, because apparently no one suffers like he does. He decided that I was acting like a child because I was defending my friend. He had nonsensical retorts that only contained insults and attempts at gaslighting. He continued his wrath against the crowdfunding campaign because it upset him that much. Again, attacking people on the Internet while pleasing for their help is counter productive. https://t.co/1kGEm9mKy9 — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 Janet, if you want help … this ain’t the way. https://t.co/BBkuXuHRU7 — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 What sounds like gas lighting is you interjecting yourself and then liking your gofund me tweets. Tbh. But you do you, boo. https://t.co/Zxco6ba6CB — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 And better fund raising platforms, tbh. @janersm — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 And he just went to 100% bizarro: Blocked. Auto Insurance scam. https://t.co/aFiddzYlB1 — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 In my first tweet, I was snarky, just like he had been to my friend.3 In subsequent responses, I was trying to be understanding about why a middle-aged man might be raging out against a teen magazine for running an article. That was what I was doing as he decided to disparage me and my GoFundMe campaign. When I tried to explain why I was doing the campaign, he just kept acting like an asshole. I would but I’m on a fixed income because I’m disabled, which is why I needed help repairing my house. You know that think you mock me over? https://t.co/IHzu3DrEvC — Janet Morris (@janersm) December 11, 2016 Of course in his performance tweeting, he didn’t tweet things that might make me look like a marginalized individual. It was obvious that his tweets were meant to get him attention or sympathy from his followers. It seemed ridiculous to me that he made the insinuation that any person who wants to raise money so that they can have roof over their head that doesn’t leak or a floor that isn’t the actual foundation of their house has to play this Susie Sunshine character. I’m not allowed to express my opinion or defend my friends because I’m poor & need help. That’s a lovely message to share. Maybe he’s right. Maybe that’s why I’ve literally only raised $20 for the repairs.4 I mean, I know he only said it because he was being bitchy and an asshole, but there’s that little part of me that thinks that maybe he’s right. Maybe if I weren’t me, people would actually help out. I followed all of the advice websites gave for making the campaign successful and it still wasn’t, so maybe it is just me. Maybe I deserve this, but it’s still pretty fucked up that someone tells another person that.5 Why do people suck so much? He doesn’t realize that calling a person a superhero’s name isn’t an insult. ↩He also doesn’t realize that Supergirl is one word. ↩A person who had been following him, which he would have known if he looked at my friend’s bio. ↩The biggest chunk of money came from the selling of Nana’s house. ↩Not quite as fucked up as the two death threats in the last 3 days that I’ve gotten from Trump supporters, but close. ↩

I’m considering alcoholism. I figure that with my family’s history of alcohol and drug addiction, my OCD, and my personal tendency toward addictive behavior in other areas, I’ve got a good shot at becoming one within a few days. Of course I’ve never actually had alcohol, don’t have the money to afford alcohol, would probably get excommunicated from my church if I tried it, and alcohol will interfere with the Effexor, GERD, my pouch from gastric bypass surgery, and any part of my digestive tract that still absorbs pretty much anything, so this may not be a workable plan. L’chaim! Also, a big fuck you to the Republican Party, any media outlet that gave Trump free coverage early on, people in the alt-right, Jill Stein, James Comey, Gary Johnson, Evan McMullin, all of the Trump voters,1 and anyone else who has contributed to the election of Hitler 2.0. Your “ideals”2 are of little comfort to those of us who Trump & his ilk have threatened, doxed, harassed, bullied, or targeted. “Words – so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne even those of you who are friends and family ↩Is it really an ideal if it leads to discrimination or injury of another party? ↩