The Least Normal Things About ‘The New Normal’: Baby Clothes Edition

The New Normal is a delightful show about a not very ordinary gay couple trying to have a surrogate daughter with a strange woman who has an oddball child and an unbelievably bigoted (and funny) grandmother. NeNe Leakes is also somehow involved. As much as it would like us to believe that this is the way the world works today, like most Ryan Murphy shows it is a celebration of the oddities within all of us. Therefore this weekly feature is both a celebration (and indictment) of all the abnormality contained within it.

Normal: Getting all excited about baby clothes.

Abnormal: Getting all excited about baby clothes by shouting, “House of LaBeija!” (That was funny for the seven Paris is Burning fanatics in the audience that got it, though.)

Normal: Asking a friend to babysit.

Abnormal: Using your new gay friend as free daycare all the time. And where is Goldie anyway? Does she even have a job?

Normal: Worrying about your baby being born with a birth defect.

Abnormal: Worrying about your baby being born with red hair. Have you seen the Prince Harry naked pictures? (Also abnormal is Ryan Murphy’s obsession with gingers. Remember Emma’s ginger separatist parents on Glee?)

Normal: Getting a lollipop at the doctor’s office.

Abnormal: Getting a butterscotch at the doctor’s office.

Normal: Wearing baby clothes when you’re a baby.

Abnormal: Wearing baby clothes when you’re an 8-year-old.

Normal: A homosexual American giving a woman fashion advice.

Abnormal: A homosexual American giving a woman fashion advice based on whether or not a top will give her skin cancer.

Normal: Picking up your granddaughter at school.

Abnormal: Picking up your granddaughter at school, taking some other kid along with her, and bringing them both to Planned Parenthood without anyone, including the girl you terrorize at Planned Parenthood, calling the cops.

Abnormal: A teacher realizing someone shouldn’t take someone else’s kid from school after the kid is already gone and returned. (Addendum: Acknowledging that the plot of your show has huge holes in its logic does not excuse your plot from having huge holes in its logic. It just means we now know that you know that your show has huge logical holes. Didn’t we learn that lesson on Glee?)

Normal: Not knowing who your child’s father is.

Abnormal: Saying you don’t know who your child’s father is in front of the child when you’re not filming an episode of Maury.

Normal: Product placement.

Abnormal: Product placement for Equinox that results in the character not being able to work out at Equinox in the future.

Normal: Not thinking everyone is gay.

Abnormal: Not realizing that the hot, buff guy with the beard at the West Hollywood Equinox is a giant queen. Did the power outage on Revolution short circuit everyone’s gaydar?

Normal: Buying your unborn child an outfit.

Abnormal: Buying your unborn child a Sue Sylvester costume.

Normal: Having dinner at a friend’s house.

Abnormal: Dropping by a friend’s house without calling, texting, emailing, Facebooking, gchatting, or otherwise notifying your friend that you are coming over beforehand.