Ms. Miserable

CAPTION: Many superheroes have tragic origins, but few can compare to the tear-streaked tale of Ms. Miserable--The Human Fire Extinguisher! Orphaned as a baby when her parents tried to save the whales--in giant Mylar bags--Penny DredJoy holds the world record for nonstop sobbing!

WOMAN: I’m beautiful! Healthy! Rich! And today’s...a national holiday in my honor! But I just
know something will go wrong tomorrow!