Do we want love or simply want to ‘try things out’? Do we know why we want to love, what our deepest needs are, why we want companionship? Is it to escape from something within or to unite that ‘thing’ we feel isn’t entirely whole? It could be “I just want to be happy”.

I never realized how involved i was with a man who has a deep seated need to control and be Narcissistic – Lexis. In an effort to set things right, I contributed to my own misery, thoughtlessly enduring him for 28 months. Wow!

He was the perfect guy, perfectly projecting a highly skilled image convincing us all how he had strong values and principles. His breath didn’t even have a trace of a man capable of abuse. His thoughtful and caring behavior always gave me more reason to take the blame.

I did.

Always. And gave him an excuse every time – ‘it is not him, he’ll change. He loves me’.

What did I get myself into?

Naomi: Take your hands off me, Lexis. I’ll scream.

He holds a tighter grip and pulls her closer. He’s strong… stronger. He pulls both wrists to his chest such that she was close enough to smell his breath.

He whispers in her face;

Lexis: I said I’ve changed. We are starting all over. You… [frowns his face as if wanting to breakdown, yet still strong] You… [breathing heavily] my love, can never leave me. We are bound for life!

Naomi: [spits in his face]

Instantly, he loosens the grip and she runs to the door. Fortunately, the door was slightly open.

She bumps into KK.

Oh no. Did he hear?

[In her shaken voice]

Naomi: KK!

KK: [staring at her with fuming rage]

He takes her by the hand and pulls her close to his chest.

KK: It’s okay. It’s okay.

KK walks in, shielding Naomi.

He comes face to face with Lexis.

Lexis: Naomi, you know him?

KK: This is what’s going to happen.

Lexis: Yo! Big bro, it’s not what you think.

KK: You’re stepping out of this room and never laying eyes on her again. From now, she’s under my protection. She’s no longer your girlfriend and you’re moving back to the family house. I’ve sent Dad a message. He’s expecting you.

She’s usually… scratch that, it’s me; I am usually levelheaded in cherry-picking the appropriate coquettish words… aptly. You’ll read it as if I’m physically with you. Talk of a good sexting tease with images you need not download. What? Jpeg? Cliché.

Yep… experiencing a writer’s block unfailing for several months felt like my brain was fried, and every inspiration although cognizant of each moment, appears to be locked in a room with glass doors; it makes sense breaking into your own house, doesn’t it?

It had to be an inside job… it had to. It takes an inside job to attack one so resilient to emotional injury. I mean, who gets room so freely enough to cause such trauma? It pierces too deep I cannot explain how it feels anymore because I cannot see beyond this ‘deep’.