A couple of friends have asked me recently for girl advice. Advice as in “how do I find the right girl?” Well my friends… there is no right girl… that actually exists anyway… but you can get pretty damn close if you’re lucky & patient but mostly lucky & not thinking with your dick. Girls are becoming smarter, more cunning & more independent at an alarming rate… this is bad news boys! These power whores are a mans worst enemy. It’s been said that the new ‘playa’ is the power chick. They prey on guys like it’s a sport… since when did we become fair game… how the fuck did that happen? Bottom line is… when you see a power chick… RUN! … or just tell her to fuck off… nithing is more manly then telling some hot bitch to get the fuck out if your face… seriously… try it! Let’s talk about what to look for/stay away from. I came up with a checklist that outlines the process of finding a decent girl in todays fucked up society.

– She can’t think she’s too hot. Girls who think/know how hot they are will never take you seriously & will always think they can do better.

– She can’t club. Not even once, ever, hell fucking no! You go clubbing for a couple reasons & none of those include clean fun/entertainment. Girls that want to club are a waste of time.

– Should rarely, if at all, use Facebook &/or ither social media. Facebook/twitter whores are… well…. whores. Any kind if whore belongs on the corner getting pimp slapped for being such a whore. Girls who use social media too frequently are seeking attention & it’s not going to be from you.

– Too many tattoos. Bitches who have too many tat’s are not only hideous but they are seeking something that they aren’t even sure of themselves. Fuck that.

– The cute girl in school who wasn’t popular but was kind of a geek is your new target. These girls are wife material. ‘Nuff said.

– Likes to cook. It seems cliche to say this but sooo many girls wont lift a finger to cook anymore. They expect the guy to handle the cooking now-a-days. Fuck off Miss. Independent!! Cooking together is one of the best joys in a relationship.

– History if cheating. Unless she has a damn good reason for cheating in the past stay the fuck away.

– Girls who like money too much. They wont like you… just your money. & when you run out she says bye.

– Girls who like sex too much. It’s fucking annoying. Bitch I’m tired & maybe I actually want to spend some time with you outside of the bedroom. Besides… horny girls are more likely to cheat.

– Girls who socialize too much. They will never let you have your full say in anything & it’s fucking a slap in dick watching your girl chat with other guys all the time.

– Jersey Shore type girls. Eeewww & useless & see clubbing.

– Girls who like doing normal things like cooking, going for a walk, reading, watching the sun set, spending time with family, etc… These are golden…but rare. When you do find one..hold on!!!

Girls in their late teens and early adulthood, (a.k.a. prime dating ages), are a bunch of ego-driven gang of ungrateful and full-of-themselves cunts who think they are light years ahead of guys their age in regards to intellect, life, experience, sex, etc… Basically they think a guy their age is clearly not good enough. So naturally that means they need to date a guy who is 10 years older then them. You can see this at clubs all the time. There will be a bunch of hot-ass bitches dressed in dresses, skirts or shorts which purposefully show off their beautiful asses and tops which show off their tits… this would be cool if most were not 17-18 yr olds with fake ID’s. The girls smear an inch of shitty make-up on their faces to look older and hotter for all the 25-35 yr old guido-roid-monkey-douche-fucks who can always be found at the club. Well… only the hot girls can get away with this… the nasty ones still go for older guys but usually at more trashy-hipster-type clubs where the scum of society goes to chill out. In the meantime all the guys who are the RIGHT age for these girls are like, “Fuck… what a bitch… let’s go crash a high school party”. These girls are fucking retards who should get crushed by a falling piano… or a falling roid-monkey… or a falling box of Cover Girl eyeshadow and lip gloss.

Another extreme is when girls, instead of acting like a slutty punching bag, pretend to act all mature and shit as if they where in their 30’s but are actually 22. That shit makes me want to ship them to Ethiopia in the crossfire of a tribal war and say, “what?!?!?… your mature right?… you can easily get out of this… hell… maybe you can even use your maturity and create peace between the local warlords… just do those tricks you use to brainwash your 31 year old boyfriend”. I mean if you try and talk to one of these chicks the convo is usually over once you say your age. From now on I think I will always say I’m or 31 so I can finally date a girl my age.

In order to understand how these girls’ over-inflated-sad-excuse-for-brains work we need to understand what they are after. Like I said in a previous Blog entry, my class is 95% female so I have learned a thing or two about how they think… or try to think rather. The best way to interpret this twisted situation is by simply stating that any female who does not live in the middle of fucking nowhere in some totally ass-backward-fucked shack somewhere is essentially a cold-hearted Gold Digger. To make matters worse they are incredibly impatient and want their dreams to come true NOW or else they would rather kill themselves… or become nasty fat-emo-goths. The sad but funny but actually way more sad then funny thing is that they, (dumb girls), would rather sacrifice their happiness and love and bullshit just to have a sugar daddy. We can blame the media for this I suppose but I also suppose females were created without the gift of common sense… which is truly unfortunate because I would want a 22 year old-hot-as-fuck girl who is honest, loyal, smart, funny, good in bed, knows when to shut the fuck up, does not show me pics of her old BF’s on facebook, knows how to cook, goes for walks, hikes, dresses well, does not flirt with other guys, doesn’t go clubbing much, doesn’t spend her money on stupid shit, doesn’t spend my money on stupid shit, drives well, has rational goals in life, wants kids, likes to do normal stuff, is not a robot and…oh yeah… has common fucking SENSE!!…. BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA maybe on another planet. Regardless… these females strongly believe that by dating someone much, much older will accelerate their life and make everything fine and dandy. A guy who is their own age, or close to, does not have the capability to fulfill any of this apparently. That is some short sighted, tunnel vision, egoistic bullshit. Not only are these girls selfish as shit and retarded, they are also… well… yea… just retarded.

They think they are so skilled at being uber skanks and having a 10 yr older BF who has a bit more possessions then a guy their age. But what they don’t realize is that the guy they are dating is too much of a loser to find anyone his own age. If a 30+ male has trouble finding someone his age then there is something seriously wrong about this situation. First of all, people that age should be married already, or at least engaged or some shit like that. Secondly, even if the man has been chillin in the international space station for the last 12 years of his life, at this age he should have the right thinking, possessions, goals, attitude, state of mind, mentality, etc… to attract a women his age. A 22 year old chick and a 30 year old man are worlds apart and are on totally different levels and should find each other actually either boring or immature. If an older guy is going for the young ones that means he is either: a perv, a loser, a dork, brain dead, a guido, going through his midlife crisis at 30 or someone who lacks some serious amounts of confidence. All those things are exactly what these bitches think dudes their age are… not the 30 year old man-whores. It’s funny because what these chicks do not, and probably will not, realize is that the guys they want are the smart ones… who are way too smart to go for some dumb 20-something-year-old cunt, and are probably already married and are busy with important shit.

It’s not like I’m trying to save these girls from being trashy, greedy sluts and getting their feelings hurt… by all means they deserve the ultimate karma-fuck. The only problem is that the percentage of girls my age who are hot, and all that good stuff, is rapidly depleting because they think the grass is greener over 30. Unfortunately there is no way around it and I should probably become a priest so I can say fuck-off to this whole needing a GF thing or just date high school girls because there is NO WAY IN HELL that I’m going to date those sad amounts of gross-bitchy-left-out-uncoordinated-lame-ass girls left who are my age.

In conclusion… If you want to date a girl who is your age, and is actually hot, just say your 31.