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Have you ever had one of those moments when you could
almost feel the Lord whispering over your shoulder?

I can say with definite certainty that I have never
actually heard the Lord speak audibly to me.It would be really cool if I could say that I have, but that would be a
lie…so I am not going to say that!But, I
have had several moments over the span of my short 30 years that I was 100%
certain that the Lord was speaking something just for me.Most of those moments happened in the quiet
of my bedroom while reading and praying over Scripture.

Today was different though…

Today I was in church, singing to the Lord, clapping my
hands, and just dancing around in His presence, when I felt Him speak to my
heart so clearly that it took all my strength not to fall down into a ball and
weep.I did do the weeping part, but
this 23 ½ week preggo lady has a hard time getting up off the floor so I stood
and wept.I sang and wept and wept and
wept and prayed and wept some more.My
son kept grabbing my hand just to make sure I was okay.

I wasn’t okay though.The Lord was breaking through and speaking to the very depths of my
soul.All I could do was weep because it
was like a wall had literally been broken down in my heart.I didn’t have words.

The thing is for weeks now the Lord has been speaking
little whispers of truth to me…through the Bible, through different studies,
through books, through people.And I
heard the whispers.I heard them and
gave them their proper “mmm…good stuff.”But it’s like I didn’t really want it to sink in.I didn’t want those truths to take root
because then I might have to do something about it.Just so you can kind of get an idea where I
am coming from read these little gems…

“David
wanted God’s presence more than he wanted his next breath.He was jealous for the glory and worship of
God and for sacred things to find their sacred places.” –from
Beth Moore’s bible study “Stepping Up.”

“Marriage
is a good gift of God, but the world is fallen, and sin abounds, and obedience
is costly, and suffering is to be expected…High romance and passionate sexual
intimacy and precious children may come.But, hold them loosely—as though you were not holding them.” –from
This Momentary Marriage by John Piper

“It
is easy to find out whether our lives are focused, and if so, where the focus
lies. Where do our thoughts settle when consciousness comes back in the
morning?Where do they swing back when
the pressure is off during the day?...Dare to have it out with God…and ask Him
to show you whether or not all is focused on Christ and His glory…” –words
of Lilias Trotter, missionary to Alegeria (excerpt taken from the book Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God
by Noel Piper)

“We
are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but no driven to
despair, persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always
carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be
manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death
for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal
flesh.So death is at work in us, but
life in you.” -2 Corinthians 4:8-12

“Is
not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of the wickedness, to undo
the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into
your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from
your own flesh?” –Isaiah 58:6-7

I could keep going, but I think you get the idea.This is some heavy duty stuff my friends. And
really I just kind of took out little tidbits for you to get a taste.But as I already said before, none of this
was really making a deep, lasting imprint.I read these words, processed them, gave them a proper “oh yeah,” and
just moved on my way.

The thing is I was
scared…and maybe still am a little bit.I was scared because I know what Jesus asks of those who love Him.I have been following the Lord faithfully for
15 years.I have read His words, and I
know what He asks of those wanting to be true disciples of His.On the surface, I wanted to be one of those
disciples, but deep down, I was willing to just say right where I was it.It was much more comfortable.Because the thing is when I was 18, 19, and
even into my early twenties, I was sold out because I didn’t have much to
lose.Sure I could have lost my life I
guess or some material possessions, but I just didn’t have that much to lose…at
least in my own eyes.(It’s also that beautiful
invincible stage of life…nothing bad is going to happen to me anyway!)

But now I am 30…I am 30 and I have an amazing husband and
two amazing children, with another on the way.I have an awesome family and friends.I have a house. I have good health. I have lots of nice things. I also
have bills to pay and responsibilities to my family and many others.I have an incredible ministry.Bottom line: I have a lot to lose this
time.

So being sold out to Jesus scares me.I could feel Him calling me…beckoning me.
But, I didn’t want to hear. I didn’t want to hear because I am scared. I was
scared He is going to ask too much.I was
scared that He was going to require more. I was scared that He was going to
take something that I don’t think I can live without. I was scared I might have
to suffer.I was scared I might have to
sacrifice more.

These are real fears.Maybe even fears you have struggled with too.Because let’s be realistic for a moment. It
is much easier to live in between.It is
easier to just love Jesus but not be too radical.It is easier to just kind of fit in with what
the rest of the world is doing and be cool, modern Christians.It is easier to just fit Jesus into our lives
right where we are at.

That’s what I was doing.I may be a missionary in another country, but man I could have given you
classes on being a super Christian on the outside but not letting Jesus
penetrate to the depths of my heart and soul on the inside.I could participate in any great conversation
on the Bible. I could talk about and teach about God wanting to change us and
renew us and refine us. I could go on and on about what He is asking of us
today.I could pray with the best of them
and weep and just be so “deep.” I had it going on guys.Now, I am not saying I was a big, fat
fake.I did love Jesus. I loved His
Word, and it was my heart’s desire to make Him known and for my kids and all
the kids to whom I minister to love Him with all their hearts.When I prayed for them, I was doing it with an
honest heart.But, I wasn’t letting God’s
truth transform my own life.I wanted to
keep a “safe” distant in case He wanted to ask something more of me. I guess I
figured if I wasn’t really living radically, then there wouldn’t be much of a
need to use me in radical situations.

Today it all changed guys.Today God ripped open my heart and all those
small whispers became alive to me and I could hear the Lord so clearly saying, “Sara…come…come
to me Sara.I am asking you come…come
and die.”I knew He wasn’t asking me to
commit suicide or anything.He was
asking me to come and die to me.Die to
my fears.Die to all that I hold dear…not
because it doesn’t matter anymore but because HE MATTERS MORE.What is this life anyway?A breath…a breath compared to eternity.Am I really going to live that breath riding
the fence, walking the line, living in fear of the “what ifs”?Or do I want to LIVE this life…really LIVE it…100%,
sold out, radically obedient to my God?I want to live. Because as Paul says, “For me to live is Christ…”

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Some bits and bobbits about this blog...

This blog is mostly just ramblings by yours truly. I talk about my ups and downs being a wife, mother, and missionary in Guatemala. I have a tendency to get off on "soapboxes" as those who love me say but it is my desire that this blog can be a place of encouragement in each of your pilgrimages with Christ. At any moment if this blog becomes more about me than about Christ, than it will be done and over...so please help me stay accountable. To God be all the Glory, Honor, and Power!