The other day, as I projectile vomited while teaching my own yoga class, I asked myself that same question…a question I sometimes pose to my students.

I had been suffering from severe migraines to the point that I have a) thought I was dying b) thought I might already have died c) have had my speech and vision impaired and d) yes, projectile vomited while I was teaching at Equinox in Santa Monica.

(I made it to the bathroom, but not past the door, to be clear. And yes, one of my students helped clean it up because I had left the rest of the class in a crescent twist as I ran ran out without saying a word, as would have been impossible with said vomit in mouth.)

So I asked myself the old standby, “Jen, what the [heck] are you manifesting here?” (I may have sworn.)

I thought about when I had been on the way to Cody, Wyoming, along Route 70, and suddenly, a deer in the middle of the highway, as sudden as that small shock against frost: that single blade of grass.

My deer recognized the regret in my eyes.

What is the nature of regret?

He stood shaking in the highway, his summer coat chestnut red and soaking with rain, regretting that, although he could see all of his surroundings at once, he could not focus on one location with both eyes at the same time.

He thinks that us humans must take this for granted.

How much of his life had he missed because of this?

How much of my life have I missed lately?

I have been wondering this.

I got a CAT Scan of my brain this morning. (Yes, scary.) Nothing wrong. (Yes, pretty awesome.) Now I need to get to the bottom of why I have been suffering, what the root is. (The hard part.)

I have to visualize myself fully healed and pain free.

This visualization is the key that I sometimes forget. I went to a massage therapist (who was really more of a healer) who, when I said “I cannot live like this anymore!!” Said back to me, “Well, how can you live?” Aha!

I was struck by the fact that I had forgotten this rule. (Again, Why the face?)

I had been moaning and whining and crying about how I couldn’t take it anymore and didn’t want to be in pain anymore. Complete focus on what I did not want. On lack.

I teach this in workshops! How did I forget this?

Oh, wait! I know how.

I am….a Human Being. Dun, dun, dun.

Ah, how often I forget this. I push and push myself and then when my body reacts I feign confusion and I get angry and sloppy with my thoughts.

I’m back. I sit here clear, not sure what exactly is causing this pain, but what the healer told me, and what I believe is that my body locked up with fear and thus my muscles can’t breathe and are dehydrated from clenching. Or something like that. I get it.

So back to my own Manifestation Manifestos I go. Thinking from the end. Being in the feeling of what I want. Not worrying about the how.

These workshops are designed, much as my regular classes are, albeit longer, to help students release whatever may be holding them back in life (uh, migraines, Jen?) and manifest what it is they really, really want in life.

I thought from the end. I didn’t worry when everyone told me not to become a yoga teacher in Santa Monica, the mecca of yoga teaching in the world. I immersed myself in Wayne Dyer talks as I walked.

Jen and Wayne Dyer

I made vision boards. I started surrounding myself with people who inspired me. I wrote! I also finally came to terms with the fact that I was severely hard of hearing and needed hearing aids. I opened the ear in my heart.

Until I stopped asking why did it fall from my grip. My fist opened and the why slipped into the sky like it belonged there. And I watched it hover then float. And I accepted what I was. A healer.

Of course, I did a lot more but that was the start and I go into depths the steps to take in my workshops and retreats. Most of it is thought based. My only goal is to inspire people and so I share my story and what I did to get where I am. I finally got honest, mostly with myself. And sometimes, startlingly here, on Elephant Journal.

What I did was take a hard look at the discrepancy of what I said I said I wanted to manifest and what I really was manifesting around me. It didn’t add up.

I know all this is said in the film “The Secret” and various other self- help books, but let me re-iterate: it is easy to forget. So sometimes, being in a space with a person/teacher who makes you feel safe or whom facilitates a place of healing or breakthroughs in yoga or thought processes is just the thing one needs in actually creating synchronicity in their own lives. Sometimes people don’t know what their bliss even is. I know I didn’t for a long time. I knew it was not refilling iced teas and taking orders for egg whites and lying about how many auditions I had. But I did not know what it was. Until I found it.

When the student is ready the teacher shall appear.

My workshops bring together asana, meditation, journaling, chanting, laughing, and sometimes joyful outbursts of singing or dancing (Michael Jackson and the Beatles are always a hit.) They are followed by wine tasting, vegan treats by my friends at Zuddha Girls as well as live music. Why?

Because all of these things I have found, have led me to be inspired! (and make my heart happy!)

I can only go from what I know, but, if you do things that allow you to be your most inspired self on a daily basis then I am quite sure you would be attracting pretty awesome things into your world. Pretty awesome people. Pretty awesome thoughts.

I can safely say it has become the drive for my life. Find something, anything, that makes you come alive! Last Saturday one of my kids, who is 100% blind and autistic, when I asked her what she loved about herself (my daily question), answered, “My life!”

I was humbled. To tears.

So I sit here visualizing my Italy retreat and how lovely it will be and it is making me feel happy. My headache is gone. I also think of Cam or Claire or Gloria sometimes to smile. You know, from Modern Family. Or my kids from GameYoga.org or a good glass of wine and a book. Ok, Phil from Modern Family makes me smile too.

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About
Jennifer Pastiloff

"Thank you Jennifer, for shining your light on mine." ~ Christy Turlington. / Jennifer Pastiloff, as featured on Good Morning America, is a lover of life, laughter, poetry, yoga, Modern Family (and a really good glass of wine.)
She is the creator of Manifestation Yoga®, which is all about causing serious breakthroughs in your life without being too serious. Her rule of “If you fall you must laugh ” is strictly enforced in her yoga classes. / Jennifer teaches this inspirational style of yoga all over but her home base is in Los Angeles. She travels the world teaching workshops and leading retreats. When Jen's nephew Blaise was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Prader Wille Syndrome (PWS), it prompted her to start GAME Yoga. Gifts And Miracles Everyday: Free Yoga for Kids w/ Special Needs. / Jen is in the process of writing a book about how to manifest your life, one laugh at a time. She is partially deaf and wears hearing aids. / Jennifer spent 13 years working in the same restaurant and believes that everyone should have a job in the service industry at least once in their life. (It’s good for the soul, she says.) / Learn more about her at jenniferpastiloff.com. Her blog is Manifestation Yoga. Follow her on Facebook and on Twitter.

Comments

14440328 Responseshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.elephantjournal.com%2F2011%2F03%2Fwhat-are-you-manifesting-in-your-life-and-modern-family%2FWhat+Are+You+Manifesting+In+Your+Life%3F+%28and+Modern+Family%292011-03-23+04%3A46%3A01Jennifer+Pastiloffhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.elephantjournal.com%2F%3Fp%3D144403 to “What Are You Manifesting In Your Life? (and Modern Family)”

Wow, that was one of the worst articles I have read on here in a very long time. This is more of a diary entry. Do you ever write about anything other than yourself? Do you ever put pictures of anyone other than yourself? It seems more like a beg for attention than a piece of literature. Maybe start a diary and spare the rest of us your awful "writing."

something cannot be SUPER ironic. It is either ironic, or it is not. And just because a criticism may seem harsh to you, it's probably the most honest and accurate feedback this awful piece will receive. To call it bullying is absurd. I presume that is your way of not having to address the actual criticism, which is that this article is nothing but self-indulgent drivel.

I am beyond surprised at how someone can find this article awful! It takes a lot for a person to put themselves out there and for you, Mr. Terry, to have NO constructive criticism, just unkind words is baffling. This is called Elephant Journal if I am not mistaken which is the same thing as a diary as you instructed Jen to go and get. She touches a lot of people with her spirit, honesty and smile. I like seeing pictures of her and the AMAZING kids she teaches FREE yoga too. What have you done today to inspire someone or give back in the utmost selfless way? Have you been honest with yourself today, because if not then maybe you should read the article again. If you didn't like it, fine, but offer ways to help a person improve not tear them down. That's what cowards do on the internet, not human beings with real lives.

Thank you , thank, you, thank you for continuing to inspire all of us with your honesty and open heart! You are a LIGHT in a dark place!

Point well taken EJ Editors. It certainly was not my intention to be "mean." If you look back at this particular contributor's work, EVERY single article is about her, which is fine if you are writing for your friends and family. I find it completely uninteresting, and a vain attempt to draw attention to herself.

The constructive part of the criticism is simple – consider writing about a different subject. When you look at the glut of poorly written amateur blogs, they all share one characteristic – they are all writing about themselves. I understand it may be a satisfying way to express one's self, but it is just not very interesting.

There are many reasons WHY JENNIFER IS ONE OF THE MOST LOVED, RESPECTED & SUCCESSFUL YOGA INSTRUCTORS in the L.A area & globally now.

Besides the obvious requirements, like being tremendously generous, gifted & committed to helping others… She also has NO "facade". (Look it up Terry) A facade is defined as, "an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant reality". This is a characteristic that is abstruse in Hollywood.

Jen has the courage to be open & honest about her physical & emotional handicaps which helps others realize they are not alone & that they ALSO can drop their facade. This ability creates a context that makes it SAFE to truly be yourself. This is Healing.

It sounds to me like Terry "the Hater" got some buttons pushed by Jens "Journaling"… therefor I suggest he take Jen's advise & find a goal that inspires people… then have the courage share it openly & honestly with others.

Because when the facade comes down brother…. "what goes around comes around".

Just read the article. Absolutely love it.Honest and funny. I found it very appealing. Love reading about real life experiences. This writer has a gift for touching me with her words. Look forward to more. EJ has much to choose from and what I do ‘t care for I don’t read nor do I knock. Keep up the gpod work Jennifer and would love even more from you.

Said it on Twitter and I will say it here: I LOVED this article! I appreciate how you spun in a less than glamorous moment as a way to express something you learned and I like how you summed up ideas relating to manifestation in a great way. Thank you much!

[…] Do make a list of what your heart truly wants in your life: In this era, we are in the process of becoming manifest savvy; but when we get what we want does it …Does it make your heart sing and dance? Are you sure that you are manifesting your heart’s desires […]