I think you should try putting more into the writing than just conversations. You're trying to tell a story, right? Not just write down everyone's conversations. Look at some of the books you have and see how there's writing in-between the conversations too. You've really come a long way, SP!

Mom chapter 2 . 10/2/2011

I like the way you use italics to show your thoughts are different from the narrative. You need to to correct some things though. Work on proofreading and making corrections!

Mom chapter 1 . 10/2/2011

I think you're very clever, and I bet those lanterns WERE elegant! :) You need to proofread this though. The mark of a good writer is not having errors. I love you SP!

Ok, you really need to work on your grammar and you need to pick a tense and stick with it. Also, it is difficult (and rather tedious) to have such an enormous conversation take up the entirety of your prologue. Try to break up with conversation with some background description to give the reader a break from all the talking. Good luck.