Twas the night before ChristmasAnd I'd gone to bed lateLord only knows how much pizza I ate

Christmas Eve I dreamed that Santa was arrestedYeah, they handcuffed him and they hauled him off to jailChristmas Eve I dreamed that Santa was arrestedFor crimes so bad they held him without bail

Cruelty to Reindeer was the first charge that they readWe got there just in time your HonorHe had nine of them hitched to a heavy sleighAnd abuse is indicated ones got a nose that's awfully redAnd the prosecution had only just begunOsha closed his workshop down for safety violationsAnd there product liability claims for every toy built since creationWe found out he hires only Elf's and of course that's discriminationHe'll be put away for life before we're doneThat sled is not air worthyThe faa won't certifyHe's over sixty with corrected vision therefore he should not flyWhy this could be the trail of the centuryThere's over ten billion instances of unlawful entry

Christmas Eve I dreamed that Santa was arrestedAnd not only for the things they claimed he didChristmas Eve I dreamed that Santa was arrestedFor being a poor roll model for kids

Why just look at him there your honorHe doesn't shave or cut his hairAnd he grossly over weight and he only works one day a yearNow we all know he smokes tobaccaAnd they's fur on that suit he wearsWe must protect our kids from men like this

Order, or, order in the court said the judgeI've heard enough about his crimesAnd clearly this is a man who's out of step with modern timesBut one of those houses he so often entered unlawfully was mineAnd therefore all charges are dismissed

Oh, I woke up to the sound of Ho, Ho. Hoin'Reindeer hoofs upon my roof and it was snowingAnd as I watch him fly away it was good knowingThat some things that are politically incorrect can still be rightMerry Christmas to all and to all A Merry Christmas Eve goodnightMust have been the pepperoni