In the Light of Ferguson, You Are Revealed

Photo Credit: Maeyoung Stone

I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, it was 1964. I saw America through the eyes of my mother, who once was put on display at the front of her newly-integrated kindergarten classroom and called the n-word by her teacher. I watched Ferguson crumble, and I felt my anger rise with every advance of police force against the line heated, but peaceful protestors. My ire reached critical levels when, as I watched live feeds, rubber bullets and tear gas lit the night sky and sent people running.

But it wasn’t what I could see and hear as Ferguson residents fled and were pursued into residential areas that gave me chills. It was what I couldn’t see. Because behind the walls of those smoke-shrouded homes were parents comforting their frightened children. I couldn’t see them, but I knew they were there. They could have been me. They could have been my children.

With those thoughts, the anger whooshed from my lungs in one long, troubled exhale. I felt empty, tired, and hopelessly burdened. In that moment, the added considerations of raising Black children felt heavy, and perhaps even futile. America is not my mother’s America, yet here we are still dealing with the consequences. We, as Black parents, have to do what other parents don’t. We teach our history and soothe hurts that were inflicted generations ago. We put our present injustices through age-appropriate filters and answer our children’s difficult questions about whether they should avoid hoodies and fear the police. We have a duty to show them how our people’s yesterdays are still affecting their todays and futures. We remind them to always do their best with every task they touch, because proving to themselves that they are capable isn’t good enough for our children; they have to prove it to everyone else, too. We kiss their worried brows and tell them that as bad as it is, it’s not as bad as it used to be, and it’s getting better every day. We pray to God that we’re telling the truth. It is easy to feel culturally-isolated, as if it is our responsibility alone to undo the historical constructs of what was done (and is still) being done to us.

But then, I was able to step away from the closeness of how this personally affects me, my children, and my people. I was able to see that the burden of teaching heavy lessons is not exclusive to the Black community. It shouldn’t be. It can’t be. As a Black mother raising Black children, what I teach my kids will be different than what a White mother teaches her White children, and hers will be different than what a White mother of children of color teaches her kids. When you step far enough away from the varied tiles of individual implications, the picture revealed by the mosaic is the same; we each, regardless of race or of parenting status, have roles in this responsibility of leading our collective children away from the cultural assumptions that continue to weaken this country from the inside out. Step back even further, and you will see that what we teach needs to extend further than issues of race, because we are defined — and subsequently judge and are judged — by more than just the color of our skin. Step back again and maybe what is revealed is that your role is not to teach, but to learn.

Whether you are teaching or learning, be active and intentional. To do and say nothing just because you aren’t personally affected is to be complicit in the problem.

This America is not my mother’s America. May our children’s America not be ours.

Kymberli Barney is a writer, teacher, wife of Frank, mom to The Minions, and the voice behind the new column Mom 2.0 Smartness. Find her at The Smartness, and on Twitter @SmartOneKym.

LAURIE WHITE is a writer, editor, and online community builder. She has written and edited a restaurant industry trade magazine, several major websites, and many, many blog posts and online features. Her work has earned BlogHer and BlogHer Food Voice of the Year awards, honorable mention in the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition, and lots of Instagram hearts. Previously a community college counselor and professor, she has a master’s degree in counseling from the University of Dayton and another in multimedia journalism from the University of Maryland. She lives in the Maryland suburbs of Washington, D.C. with Hoover the puggle, who is kind of a big deal on Instagram. Find her @lauriewrites on Twitter, and on Insta @lauriemedia & @hooverthepuggle.

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“When you step far enough away from the varied tiles of individual implications, the picture revealed by the mosaic is the same…”
what a beautiful, powerful, and activating post. Yes – be active and intentional!
THANK YOU

Thank you for your words and your reminder. Sometimes the world can be an awful placing and finding words to explain is tough; I appreciate the reminder of the necessity and the solidarity across experiences.

Maeyoung

This post was exquisite. Thank you for piercing so much noise and anger and confusion with such balanced and sage words. I will try and do my part, starting with giving your words as much light and flight as I can.

Powerful and essential post, Kymberli. Thank you. I’m watching “When the Levees Broke.” That documentary was filmed in 2005 Katrina New Orleans and is about racism and government action and inaction and unfortunately proves true that depressing “True Detective” theory – time is a flat circle, and the same events repeat over and over. We must all do what we can to break that circle and change things. A good start is listening and learning from wise people, like you.

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Mom 2.0 is a gathering of influencers and leaders who create content online and on air in parenting, entertainment, food, politics, business, marketing, technology, social change, travel and design.