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These forums are a place where you can ask other young people advice on dealing with tough times and share your advice on what has worked for you. Please remember that it does not replace professional advice.

Topic:
No one likes me anymore, I pretend I'm not but I'm actually really sad and socially awkward

I am saying this because I'v never seek any help or tell anyone about this before and I really sincerely hope I don't sound very self-centered or anything :)

The thing is, I used to have social anxiety but never told anyone because I didn't want to disappoint or upset my parent's and they have very high expectations of me since I always appear as quite popular, get great grades, have a variety of talents and seem to get along with teachers. I confronted my social anxiety and got over it (or so I thought) until this year.

I had a surgery that left me confined to my bed and locked in the house for 4 months. I was missing out on a lot of school stuff, parties, chats and socializing. I felt (and feel) very insecure about myself because I have many physical scars that are very prominent. When I got back to school, my best friend had left me, my parents left the country, and everyone pitied me and talked about how they wouldn't want to be "that" girl. I received a lot of unwanted attention everywhere i go (because I was on crutches) and felt really bad about myself. This was how my social anxiety came back and hit me fast. All of a sudden, I felt hard to have a conversation with my peers and friends.

Most of my friends forget me when they sign the entire friendship group up for activities. I also worked so hard to get excellent grades to please my parents and to show them i appreciate everything they have done for me but act as if they don't see my efforts at all. I had a diary and looking back into it, i saw a lot of depressing stuff and anger. I read sad and suicidal book this year and i wrote an entire book about some specific people in my life and how they are aiding my depression and leaving me feeling sad and self-conscious. Everytime i get back on my feet or try to feel happy, something or someone knocks me down till i'm on my knees. The only 'social' thing i do outside of school is coaching. I used to look forward to coaching and it was the highlight of every week until this weekend. I really respected and admired everyone of my classmates. Then when i went to get ice-cream for them (as a surprise and a little gift) they locked me out of the classroom. Then, when i came in, a boy in my class asked me if I could quit this class so another person that he (an his friends) knew could take my place. He asked me, not the new girl in our class that he told me he hated. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I'm very pleased you have come here to the Forum. No you do not sound in the least self-centered, you sound like a pretty nice and capable person who has been hit hard by life and is struggling as a result, which is not surprising at all.

Here people will talk to you without hurting you, and for us you crutches and scars are invisible, you are on an equal footing here with every one else in that respect.

Spending 4 months in bed in mostly isolation is in itself a pretty big injury. It has an effect, and leaves you less able to cope, and of course out of date which what everyone else has been up too. It also very much weakens the body.

Surgery to the extent you have undergone it drains the whole system, quite apart from pain and discomfort it takes a toll, and all you resources get used up.

Add to that those crutches, not only conspicuous but also so limiting when it comes to carrying anything, another impediment at the moment. Even getting in a car takes planning.

For someone that mixed quite well with others and did very well at school this is a tremendous change. I'd expect grief, self-doubt, loneliness, frustration and even anger are all there, and are natural and human.

Doing well academically is fine and can stand you in good stead in the future, but if it is ignored by your parents it can seem so pointless and their reaction hurtful. How do you normally get on with them? Sometimes parent can be blinded by their own problems and priories and need reminding of what is important for their sons and daughters. Do you think you might explain to them?

Can I ask if you have spoken to you doctor about these difficulties you face, the depression, anxiety and isolation? Doctors too can concentrate on the physical and not occur to them that they need to treat the whole person, not just the body.

That one boy, well you have just seen an insensitive idiot in action. Unfortunately he, and maybe his mates too, have a lot of growing up to do, and at this stage its lack is at your expense. Try to see him for what he is, superficial, thoughtless and silly.

So how does that new girl get on if she is hated?

At home do you have anyone to be with who cares. maybe a brother or sister, even an auntie?

Can I ask if the coaching was in that class or something else?

I would hope in time you will walk unaided and those scars will fade. Would you like to come back and talk more about things? We would like that.