Thursday, February 2, 2017

GROUNDHOG'S DAY 2017

Once again, that fabled weather forecaster Punxsutawney Phil, or at least the latest groundhog to be called that in the 130+ year tradition of the day, has been observed.
This time, the Pennsylvanian marmot did see his shadow, foreboding six more weeks of winter.
Well, duh! The weather forecast's were proclaiming the same thing before today.

In any event, in the spirit of the holiday, we present our annual Groundhog Day "Tribute".

“Is this the law firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe?” asked the lady as she walked in my front door.

A. Groundhog

“Yes it is,” I replied. “I’m Howie Cheatum. And you are--?”
“Susan Woo,” she replied, “but you can call me Sue.”
“Okay Sue. And what can I do for you today?”
“I want to engage your services to represent myself as I initiate a law suit.”
“Well, you’ve come to the right place. Who do you want to sue?”
“Punxsutawney Phil.”
“You want to sue who?” I asked in disbelief.
“Not myself silly. Punxsutawney Phil.”
“The groundhog?” I asked, trying to confirm what I heard the first time.
“Yes, that filthy animal,” replied Sue.
“Why?”
“Because this year he/it claimed we would have six weeks of relatively mild weather and an early spring. None of that came true. I couldn’t break out my spring wardrobe when I wanted to. I hurt my back shoveling the driveway myself because I dismissed the snow plow service early thinking I wouldn’t need them any more this season. Should I go on?”
“No, I get the idea. And on what grounds would you like to initiate this lawsuit?”“Don’t you think at a courthouse would be best?” she asked.
“What I meant was, for what reasons did you want to sue?”
“I figured breach of promise at the very least, and whatever else is applicable,” she replied. “The late winter has just totally ruined spring, and who knows just how that is going to affect summer. The trees are barely beginning to bud as it is. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if fall arrives on time anyway and cuts whatever is left of spring and summer short this year.”
“I see,” I said, pausing momentarily to wonder why I always got stuck with the live ones. “Let me look up some reference material on the subject,” I said, before turning to use my computer terminal. After a couple of minutes on Wikipedia, I said, “You do realize that this is all just traditional superstition dating back to at least the 1800s in America and at least the fifth century in Europe.”
“So, that means that Punxsutawney Phil should have been a lot more accurate in his prediction than he actually was, right?”
“Well, that’s one way of looking at it,” I agreed while reading the data some more. “While he only has a 39% accuracy rating, it says here that Punxsutawney Phil isn’t the only one who is used to predict the weather.”
“Oh?”“There’s Jimmy the Groundhog in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin; Holtsville Hall and Dunkirk Dave, wherever they reside, all said that there would be six more weeks of winter. Phil and a bunch of others on this list all predicted an early spring,” I said, showing her what it said on my computer monitor.
“Good. Let’s start a class action suit and go after all of them!”
“It just doesn’t quite work that way. The animals themselves never specifically said what the weather would be. Humans just interpreted the situational conditions as best they could.”
“Well let’s sue them,” said Sue.
“That doesn’t work either. None of them were trained professionals paid to do that job. It would be like me trying to predict the weather just by looking out the window.”
“Then are you suggesting that I should sue the weathermen?”
“Actually, you don’t have a case against anybody involved with Groundhog’s Day predictions. That’s all they were, just predictions. None were legally binding.”
“Then can I sue you?”
“For what?” I asked in disbelief.
“For not taking my case.”
While it would not actually get far in the court system, in this day and age, I’d be surprised if she didn’t find somebody willing to take the case.

No comments:

Search This Blog

Translate

WELCOME EVERYBODY!

The Free Choice E-zine strives to bring you coverage of events that affect us all while presenting poetry, the occasional short story, and even regular features for your reading enjoyment.

But remember, above all else, this is YOUR e-zine too! So feel free to post a comment and/or contribute. I just "work" here.

Sincerely,Lee Houston, JuniorEditor-In-ChiefFreeChoiceEzine@gmail.com

THE RULES OF POLITE CONDUCTAll posts are within a "PG/family friendly" format whenever possible. Any opinions are the sole expression of the individual poster, but NO "flaming", slander, or libel will be tolerated.

The editorial staff reserves the right to edit and/or delete posts in accordance with the above guidelines.

FEATURES

*The Puzzle Corner (games) and The Week in Review (news) every Saturday.

*The Sunday Funnies (comedy) each Sunday.

*Book Reviews, as books are read and we have the chance to comment upon them.

*Other features/articles appear are posted as applicable and time permits.

Our IN OTHER NEWS feature normally at the bottom of your screen is temporarily(?) unavailable as Blogger works on updating its gadgets.

NOTE

Any (news) links just lead to the original source material.

Those websites own and are responsible for their individual content.

Every copyright law is respected and honored as much as humanly possible.

(above last updated May 26, 2018)

ABOUT USAlthough now only accessible through this website, The Free Choice E-zine was first founded in college on December 13th, 2003 as The Alternative, an online and print newspaper.

While based in the United States of America, we strive to serve readers around the world. Contributors include writers from teenagers to retirees, from Hawaii to England and all different parts of the political spectrum.

Unfortunately, only our Blogger hosted statistics and articles are posted and archived on this website. Sadly, all previous records were lost when our last server went out of business and shut down abruptly with no advance warning.