With exams around the corner, it is inevitable that students and often their parents feel the pressure of managing the study time tables so as to perform well. That is also the time when time pressure, the accumulated backlog of studies and the need to overhaul one’s life suddenly begins to overwhelm all the stake holders in this game. A similar situations crop up in our life off and on and the need to overhaul our life is the one common constant irrespective of which phase of life we are in. In trying to overhaul one’s life, the cardinal mistake we make is, thinking that we can overturn all the bad habits we have imbibed over the years, overnight. Just as you and I took nine months to be born, just like a year takes twelve months to change and a day requires 24 hours to be completed before a new day begins, we have to patiently work on small changes in our attitude, style and behavior before the effects of transformation are visible.

The four essentials for transformation are:

Deciding to change– This is the first step in bring about any meaningful change in one’s life. Until one decides to change, the status quo would always seem impossible to change. Excuses, rationalization and reconciliation with the existing situation would constantly nag you into succumbing to the status quo. Decide that you need to change your habits, your style, adopt a different strategy E.g. You know you have to spend more hours studying. You will find enough reasons why you are unable to do so and rationalize your decision for not being able to change and finally reconcile that you are a mediocre student. The same holds true for those wanting to lose weight but not being able to get themselves to eat healthy or exercise.

Planning the change– Once you decide to change, the key is to spend some time planning how you are going to bring about the change and be the change you want. Many of us fail in this step simply because we visualize that implementation of the plan is impossible. If you can outline the map to achieving what your goal is, you would at least have a clear agenda to follow. E.g. Having a clear time table to study is the first step in ensuring you are able to do justice to each subject that you have to study. Those subjects requiring practice or additional study, however much you dislike the subject, must be allotted more time.

Implementing the change– This is the toughest part of the process of transformation. At this stage you are attempting to move away from all that you felt comfortable doing despite knowing the consequences, to disciplining yourself doing unpleasant things, in the hope that it will give you good results. The tough part is beginning, the tougher part is motivating yourself to continue but the toughest part is keeping the momentum going. The trick is to visualize the small changes, mentally see yourself inching yourself forward towards your goals and occasionally noting how much you have progressed and how closer you are to your final goal.

Being patient – This is the most important virtue because without it, one would be tempted to give up. Patience comes from self belief, from charting out progress and being reasonable about your expectations at every given time line. Occasionally you could be slipping as per your plans, at other times you feel your pace is slow and many times there seems to be no motivation to pursue your plans. Remember the number of times you fell of your bicycle before you managed to master it or the number of times you felt you were drowning before you learned to swim. The lure of the eventual goal must be so encompassing that you become patient enough to trudge along despite all the obstacles that come your way.

Try these:

Try to play a new sport or pick up a new hobby. Notice how you take time to gain expertise, despite your possible talent in that field.

List out 3 changes that you want to bring about in your life. Outline what is stopping you from doing it. Plan and implement the plan to bring about the change.

Challenge yourself to overcome a constant criticism that you often encounter either from your spouse / child/ friend / colleague / well wisher.

As we come to yet another year end, we would tend to reminiscence about the year gone by. While we do pause, recall and get a high about the lovely memories that we cherish, we have a propensity to linger much longer on the sadness and losses we have endured over the year. Perhaps it is thoughts about a loved one who we lost, maybe it is about a change of job or residence because of which we had to leave behind friends and good times we shared with them or maybe it is the recollection of some unfortunate happenings that scarred us. Reality is that we normally tend to take our happiness for granted and let our sadness engulf us. As a result we do not fully value and enjoy the full worth of the numerous blessings that have come our way. More importantly, we do not become fully productive, fully alive and completely besotted by the wonders of our life.

We can take a leaf from the life of a tree; it flowers, it bears fruits and it provides us shade. Yet it does not question why the flowers fall or why the fruits are used up or why it gets chopped. It simply grows despite all the odds. Can we not pick up a few tips from the way a tree continues to grow in rain and blazing heat?

Let bygones be bygones: No matter what odds it faces, be it children shaking it hard, animals grazing on it or the birds nesting on it the tree has simply not let these become excuses to remain stunted and fruitless. It has outgrown the challenges it has endured. It still provides the kids an opportunity to have fun, the animals to scratch themselves against its bark and the birds to build nests and feed itself from the fruits. Perhaps we too must look at our strict parents, hawk eyed school teachers and school bullies as people who helped you become stronger. Do not hold grudges against them. In fact, thank them for molding you to become the person you are.

Grow because you love your life: The tree grows because it wants to establish amongst the flora a fauna. It does not compete with the other vegetation but focuses on becoming what it was designed to do. Perhaps we too can stop imitating others, be less obsessed with the success of others and instead focus on becoming the best individual we can be. As individuals we have an advantage; we need to grow up where we are born. We can move an imbibe the best of cultures, customs, traditions and knowledge and improve much beyond what we initially gifted with. Make it a point to enjoy your life every single moment; the growing up will be much more well rounded and enjoyable.

Make peace with the world around: Yes people have harnessed their cattle on to the trees, they have thrown stones to get the fruits to fall, they have even perhaps disfigured the tree in order to climb it; yet the tree remains rooted and continues to grow. Can we not forgive those who criticize us, those who taunt us, those who talk ill about us, those who discourage us?

Learn to give even if you receive nothing: A tree largely receives only nature’s bounty and very rarely does it get any conscious support from human beings. Yet it continues to have flowers, bear fruits and provide itself for all and sundry be using its shade or eating its fruits or ultimately chopping it for domestic use. Once we have a similar attitude, our relationship with others will improve, our ability to give more increases because we have no expectations and we view others as worthy of our largesse.

Make your life a celebration of all seasons: While the tree does adapt itself to all seasons, it also provides us with an important lesson that no matter what the circumstances one needs to adapt and adjust to the situation. No matter what season, the tree will still retain its singular charm and grace even if it has shed its leaves or it is in full bloom. It is a lesson that teaches us to take the good times, the bad times, the low times and the highs of our life with dignity and poise. We need to be balanced at all times. At the same time we need to find something good in our troubles and be pragmatic in our good times without being vain and conceited. Everyday must be a celebration of life, for tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Try these:

List out 4 ways in which you will ethically make your life more colorful/ enjoyable.

A perfect day would always be relative to the experiences of the past days yet each of us can strive to make each day a wonderful day. No matter what happens during the course of the day, if the day has not been wasted, it becomes a wonderful day. So the simple rule to follow is to have a plan for each day, strive your best to ensure you have worked well to achieve your plans and at end of day your heart is filled with happiness and satisfaction.

The trouble most of us have us with our time. For most of us, we just don’t have enough time to do all what we want. For others especially those who are retired, time weighs heavily and each day seems slow and unending. The reality is that if we plan each day, we will be busy; we would have something tangible to achieve and end of day we would have made significant progress and less dissatisfaction. A plan would give us something ready to work on, give us a milestone for accomplishment and ensure that we are kept fruitfully occupied.

A plan helps us have a roadmap but we have to walk the talk if we have to reach the destination. The problem for many begins here. While our plan and intent are positive, when it comes to walking the talk, we have a number of excuses, problems and explanations to rationalize our inefficiency and inability to give our best. The trick here is to find a passion and motivation to begin and sustain doing all what we have to do to make our plans become fruitful. In the process we would forget the time, lose ourselves completely in doing what has to be done. Success is never guaranteed but the satisfaction of done a good job, a great effort and a fruitful use of time is certainly guaranteed.

The one issue that spoils an otherwise wonderful day are the sudden unexpected failures, bad news and coping with negative energies and thoughts. Managing that is challenging but not impossible. The way to do that is to change perspective. View each such impediment as ‘ it could have been worse’ or ‘now I have learned that…’ . It is important to be reasonable and rationale in our thought for it is our thoughts that spur emotions and actions. Once you can control or reorient your thoughts, every day will be a wonderful day, for you would have learned how to appreciate the wonders of each day.

The happiness that follows when we are satisfied that we have given our best shot, is something that is priceless. The happiness is reflected in the sparkle in our eyes, smile on our face and then everything else fades into oblivion. We may look overworked, we may be wearing crumbled clothes, our hair could be ruffled and unruly but there would be a spring in our step, our aura would exude success and excitement is palpable.

A wonderful day would be all these and more…try it and see the difference.

Try these:

Write down a plan for 2nd weekend of the next month. Follow the plan and find out for yourself if plans work.

What would you do with the money you win of Rs.1 lakh in a lottery?

What are the three priority areas in your life that you would want to improve upon? Do you have a plan for achieving it?

So what stopping you from having a wonderful life? Ah we can list out a number of problems, obstacles, difficulties, circumstances to justify our quarrel with the life we lead. The real problem, alas, is that we focus on what others have instead of valuing and nurturing the life we are blessed with. Everyone has some issues, some challenges and certainly some complaints with their own life but notice the people who are contented, happy and carefree and you will realize that they are no different from the rest of us. However, they have made a small adjustment in their life; they have decided to make the best of what they have. They simply water the patch they have and make it greener after preparing the field for a bumper crop.

Till the soil – The ground needs to be tilled well. This will help remove the weeds. It will aerate the soil. Do this to your mind. Remove the negativity, the guilt, the fears that you have. Fill the mind with positive images of what you want, how you will design it, the little actions you need to take to achieve your dreams and experience the positive energy that seeps in through the kind into your whole being. Just focus on what you want. E.g. Think of the next holiday. Do you want to to go abroad or to a destination within the country? Would you like it to be the countryside, the beach front, mountain terrain etc. Now work out a plan and get working on it by putting it down on paper and start looking up/ reading up about the place, the travel routes, the fares, the cost of accommodation etc.

Plant the seeds – Now that you have tilled the soil it is time for you to plant the right seeds. Decide on what you want to grow. It must be suitable to the soil, the weather and your abilities to cultivate it. E.g. Decide on a specific destination for the holiday. What makes the destination so appealing? Think of an occasion (anniversary) or time (holiday that you and your family can take) to go there. How will you mange the budget for the holiday?

Add fertilizers and pesticides – This is critical, for it is the step that ensures you get a good bumper crop. With fertilizers you nourish the soil and with pesticides you protect the crop. E.g. You choose the right hotels to stay; ensure you have clearly outlined your travel plans in each destination, you earmark the tourist spots to visit and also what you would want to avoid. You ensure you pack the right clothes for the season and also ensure you don’t carry an overload which would be too heavy to carry or which can be fined for excess baggage.

Water regularly – While you may have done the hard work, the produce is still a long way off from being harvested. In the interim one must regularly water the soil. This would also include pruning if required, transplanting where applicable and weeding too if there are too many weeds. E.g. Till the date of the trip you will fine tune your plans. Perhaps you may decide to skip a destination and spend more time in one of the destinations you budgeted less time for. More importantly you keep regularly saving to ensure you have the means to make the trip a memorable one.

Enjoy the labor and the produce– You harvest your bumper crop and realize that all the cynicism that you had earlier was misplaced. Your worries and doubts limited you earlier but with those impediments removed upfront, you actually have accomplished much more than what you imagined. E.g. You trip is memorable not just because it worked clockwork but also because you did what you just envied others do. When you kept working on your patch and watering it regularly your patch became greener too. The pictures and videos you bring back refresh your memory and help you relive the holidays again. Maybe you also make your neighbors and friends wee bit envious too!

Try these:

If you had 10 minutes to do things before you die, what are the 5 things you will do? Can you utilize some points from the above reading to water those 5 patches you just listed.

How would you utilize the inputs from the above to

Add value to your current work profile

Make your personal and family life even more fulfilling

Plan your retirement

Chase a dream

Expand your personal growth

Positively influence your family members, colleagues at work and your friends.

As individuals, we often believe that we are not distinguished by any great characteristic or ability and that we are therefore consigned to be just a part of the crowd. Yet secretly we do nurture dreams, desires, hopes and fantasies most of it largely centered around success and achievement. Occasionally we may also venture and try to attain some of our ideals but it is with trepidation and half heartedness that we dare to attempt. We are cagey about the reactions of others to our attempt to dare, we fear criticism, we fear failure and we are aghast the thought that we may look like a fool if we don’t succeed. The sum total of these thoughts is that we either don’t dare or we make an attempt with no conviction and therefore the venture is doomed to fail.

On the other hand we are envious of numerous people around us who apparently did not have it in them to succeed (in our view) and yet have carved a niche for themselves defying all odds and predictions. We are perplexed and cannot phantom how they have succeeded. More importantly we lament our inability to leverage our talents and potential to attain something more significant in our life. What one needs to realize is that we are limited just by our own thinking, attitude and actions. Success can be achieved by anyone who plans to succeed, dares to succeed and persists to succeed. No criticism is a dampener, no goal impossible if set right and no effort wasted, even if success seems distant when the journey begins.

So what makes ordinary people become successful?They just make the best of the opportunities available.

How do they do it?They go about their business with intensity, passion and purpose.

Can I replicate this? Of course every individual no matter what their limitation can fulfill their potential?

How can I fulfill my potential? This requires a little more detailing. Try and adopt the following:

Enjoy your work by making the work fun – Look at the wildflowers dancing in the wind. They know their job is to grow, bloom and beautify the environment. They do it with a joy that is visible in the way they brighten up the environment around. No matter what your task seek out the wonder that the job entails and make every effort to cherish both the job as well as the process and the outcome. This would require a wee bit of imaginative thinking, especially since, over a period of time, all jobs are routine, boring and repetitive in nature. Yet as human beings we have the good fortune to grow in our jobs and take on greater responsibilities, vary our jobs by changing it and also improve the quality of our jobs through automation, job rotation, work engagement etc.

Visualize yourself and your job as a blessing to be cherished not merely a duty to be done – Again the wild flower does not question what type of a flower it is or its color nor its location. It simply grows with intensity. If you have a job cherish it; look around and see the numerous jobless who are frustrated and angry. Look at your job as a privileged opportunity to be engaged and gainfully rewarded. While the job itself entitles you to be compensated for the duties you discharge, you must see it as an opportunity and blessing to fulfill your potential and being rewarded for the same.

Enliven the environment with your individuality your personality and your strength’s. – From a distance all the flowers that grow wild look alike. Yet go closer and examine and you would notice the subtle differences. Together they add color, brighten the space, make the soil come alive and yet individually they retain their differences, love themselves, flutter and sway in their own individualistic style. We humans have much more opportunity to retain our individuality and yet collective make a huge difference. Our strengths of intelligence, physically strength, inner strength, our feelings, attitudes, approach all contribute in varied ways to leave our individuality in the environment around us. All we need to do is recognize these strengths and leverage it and be aware of our limitations and acknowledge it and work around it.

Go that extra mile to make a difference – No matter what the terrain, the soil, the climatic condition and the physical risks like animals eating it up or insects destroying it, wild flowers sprout, grow and enliven the environment. What we can see and appreciate are the wild flowers that outgrew their adversity to make a difference. As individuals each of us would have personal problems, individual limitations, doubts, fears and apprehensions. Yet we need to believe in ourselves, focus on what we can do and when needed make that extra effort to fulfill our potential. There would be setbacks, there would be criticism, there could be huge risks but like the wild flower, cling to our self belief and bloom wherever you are.

Cooperate without compromising – remain dignified – Look carefully at the wildflowers and you would see that some of them have malformed petals or partially eaten petals or a rotting stem. Yet from a distance they still sway in the wind, their colors brighten the dull foliage. They cooperate with the environment, are aware of the harsh realities but they don’t stoop and prostrate to the vagaries of nature. They retain their dignity inspite of the adversity. This is one lesson that we human beings must imbibe. Don’t succumb to temptations, pressures, criticism and threats. Cooperate with the environment around but never compromise. Be dignified; be true to your conscience, your values, your ethics and your principles. Bloom with head held high, shoulders erect and pride intact.

Enjoy life;brighten the world; make a difference to yourselfand to the world around.

Try these:

Identify the special characteristics / qualities that make you unique and different from your siblings/ cousins / classmates / friends. List out 3 of your strengths and identify 1 major weakness.

What frustrates you the most? Do you think you can do something to alleviate your frustration? How will you go about implementing your plan to alleviate your frustration?

Recollect an incident/ incidents in your life that you feel embarrassed about. Do you think you would have handled the situation differently today?

With age comes wisdom, distilled from the years of experience. The realization then would be both unexpected and baffling initially and then it would be an awakening. In the flourish of youth we have lofty dreams, craving for the materialistic and a don’t care attitude, to ideas that do not meet our expectations. We are conscious about our appearance, seek to have the latest gadgets and accessories, are casual about our manners, are blissfully unaware of the risks we subject ourselves to and have a whole lot of idols to worship be they sports persons or actors. We are constantly chasing an elusive dream, through imitation and possibly trying to fit into the system around us.

Having tried and not really succeeded in what we imagined would bring us success, fame and popularity, we make the realization that we pursued were not goals and dreams but mere symbols of momentary applause and envy. As we evolve and gain experience we also mature and begin to rethink our priorities. Suddenly all our priorities of our youth look a tad foolish, maybe even naive and you wonder how you could be such a sucker for them. Unfortunately, we are often not very clear about the goals we want to purse but occasionally we do get more clarity on what we certainly don’t want to pursue. This itself is a good beginning, for by eliminating what we don’t want, we can see the more suitable options more clearly. What is common to all those who are successful, attain fame and recognition is that they have created and used the opportunities, have been hardworking and diligent in the pursuit of their goals and it is their qualities that are more recognized than their achievements and their possessions are always secondary to their passion and purpose.

To evolve as a person and to leave a mark in this world focus on

Your character – This is the personality that you would be always recognized and appreciated for. It is a mix of your values, your abilities, your performance and your dependability. The values help you define the boundaries of the ethics you follow, your abilities are testimony to your potential, your performance is proof of you utilizing your potential to the full and your dependability outlines the confidence a third party can have in you.

Your discipline – Discipline is the path that can be lonely, rough, difficult and frightening but it surely will lead you to any goal you set for yourself. Discipline is the test of your character put into action. Sacrifice is an essential element of discipline for whatever your do you are giving up a more pleasurable alternative purely to focus on you goal.

Your ideals – Small success give small results. It is therefore essential that we have large ideals, set the bar higher than what we can rationally imagine and make the goals worthwhile. Passing an exam is often the simplest goal a persona can have but outdoing one’s own performance of the past would be wonderful ideal to have.

Your sense of justice and fair play – Temptations often lead us astray; be it a tendency to cheat, be unethical in dealings, being unjust to those who cannot fight back or simply ignoring someone in difficulty because you don’t want to be party to the consequences. A sense of justice and fair play may come at a price but it is also an integral part of your character building process.

Your self belief – Not all our lofty ideals and plans will bear fruit all the time. Failure is common place but it is your self belief that will give you the energy and the will to get up and pursue your goals. Without self belief you would have too many doubts, constantly focus on the difficulties, turn into a pessimist and miss out on wonderful opportunities around.

Try these:

Write a poem or short story or draw a cartoon or record a song or take photographs on a theme of your choice and get a feedback from your close friends on it. Don’t worry about their cynicism or criticism nor be taken in too much by their praise and applause. Unless you try you won’t discover the potential you have within.

Identify 5 personalities you admire. List out the specific trait /s that you admire in them. Are there any traits you can adopt / adapt?

What is the most frequently heard criticism about yourself that you get from your family and friends? What have you done to minimize / eliminate this criticism?