The reality is - that unless the person you're dating is respectful of YOUR life - and you are respectful of THEIRS - there's going to be conflicts.

I think there's a lot of truth to this.

I've been seeing BF for 9 months and he said many times, in maybe the first 4-5 months, that the problems are rarely between someone from his lifestyle and a vanilla person, but between a single and a married person--for exactly the reason that the single person is often going to be left alone, feeling their needs for time and companionship are unmet.

So far, it's worked for us in part because I have a very busy life apart from him; in part because I understand I'm not going to get a full relationship from him and therefore I make God, myself, and my children MY primaries (the downside being, I have so far not allowed myself to feel as deeply, emotionally, as he does); and in part because to me, marriage IS sacrosanct. I would not dream of doing anything to dismiss or downplay his wife or marriage. To me, a marriage ALWAYS comes first, even if it's not me benefitting from that view.

That being said, there may be a time when our relationship doesn't work out because I understand a married man may one day not be able to meet all my needs. If/when that day comes, I'll walk away before I'll do anything that would harm their marriage. I wouldn't feel good about myself, anyway, if I managed to get more at someone else's expense.

Except for a few rare exceptions, I would think that would typically be the case, and why a relationship between married and single people has a shelf life.