The day we decided to sell our house was also the day Nate started listening to the audio version of The 5 Love Languages. He listened to the 1st chapter and told me he thought we should listen to it together.

Chapter 1: Words of Affirmation – what I thought was my love language. The chapter was good, but not all that helpful: Nate was already pretty much doing the things the author had suggested. Which was kind of disheartening – “Hmm, ok. Well, maybe he needs to use more detail or something?” To be honest, even the suggested list of things for Nathan to try at the end of the chapter made me feel a solid “meh.”

Found these descriptions of our personality types and they’re so good, I’m reposting for safe keeping : )

Me, the ESFJ

“You’ve got to stop. Seriously. Your whole “I’ve got to do everything for everybody all the time” lifestyle not only makes you stressed out, but it’s often more about you controlling everything. Take some time for yourself occasionally and do some “soul searching.”

And no, I don’t mean “Watch more reality TV.” Understand that there’s more to life than pleasing other people so you can feel good about yourself. Read a book, watch an in-depth movie, stretch your mental capacity.

Though that last one shouldn’t be too hard for you, so you should try it sometime and better yourself in ways you’ve previously only thought nerds did.”

Nate, the INTP

“This is almost too easy a target. They’re so absent minded, it hurts. The Rational cousin of the INFP, the INTP doesn’t want to solve world hunger, they would prefer to come up with ideas to feed everybody at the same time just because it’s interesting to them at the moment. They’ll forget about it the next day and voila! Nothing has been accomplished and years have been wasted.

“Why are you doing things that way? Clearly, if you add X to Y, your obvious answer is **&#(. You don’t get this? How could you not get this? You don’t agree? You must have not been listening. I’ll go over it again.”

Also, stop trying to come up with plans on how to make things better for anybody when your only way of explaining the problem to people is by running over them with logic and explaining something that doesn’t cross most people’s minds to begin with. Then you’ll whine about the people that don’t listen. Among other things, what you’re talking about is BOOOOOORING.

Don’t spend so much time railing against the system and criticizing others for just living the way they do.”

I stumbled upon this link a few months ago while searching for “ESFJ + Austin, Tx” – and I’m so glad I did! It’s one of my favorite descriptions of how my mind works but I wanted to expand on their descriptions with personal application. My thoughts will be this in (super cute green) color and/or the indented text.

There’s quite a bit of content here, and it might get confusing if you’re not familiar with Type Theory, but it’s one of my passions and I want to make sure to get this on my blog for Autumn and her future sibling(s) to read one day.

1st Function: Fe – Extraverted Feeling

Fe’s are extremely intentional. Deeply devoted to those they’ve chosen to pour into, Fe is the epitome of “love in action.”

Yesterday, while discussing spiritual gifts and personality types (ESFJs tend to be gifted with hospitality) – I was explaining to Nate some of my concerns including having people over with a husband who’s an introvert and likes to feel free in his home. And then I heard:

*sigh* “I wish we had table we could have people over for meals.”

My breath caught, my eyes pricked with tears (not kidding), and I had to ask for clarification, “Nate, what? You would?”

“Yeah, I would.”

D:

I’ve prayed for God to keep us in harmony with each other and in line with His will so this felt like that was happening. All I had to do was pray and share my heart with Nate — I mean, it’s been 4 years, but so? I’m glad to be here now 🙂

Since getting married, Nate and I have really downplayed the holidays. I’ve always loved them but getting him excited and out the door to join friends and family was a feat and we were often late. I took his resistance as a “need” because he’s an introvert. Similarly, I jumped on his “why do we spend money on this/buy gifts just because it’s a holiday” bandwagon. — His reasons all made sense and I knew that I had to work on becoming frugal, so I adopted his views. Plus, . . . I’m a people-pleaser, ok! I like being in harmony with the people close to me.

This worked out, and honestly I probably could have kept it up as a mom too. That is until we found out that I’m an “ESFJ.” Finding out my Myers-Briggs personality has brought tremendous joy, freedom, and healing for me. (I can’t wait to share more about this in future posts).

While reading about my “type”, one of the 1st things we took notice of was the importance that traditions and decorating for most ESFJs. Whereas Nathan’s personality type (INTP) could view them as an unnecessary use of money and a way to clutter up the house (–these aren’t bad things. No judgement; INTPs tend to be very logical thinkers and value minimalism), I view them as a way to love my family, make a house into a haven, and celebrate life together. All very fundamental to me and how I work.

So we’re working to meet in the middle: I’ll keep the budget in check and won’t go crazy with the amount of decorations. He’ll work on accepting traditions and gatherings as a vital part of my well being and enjoy our little family getting to make memories together 🙂

Well anyway, I have a big problem listening to voices and allowing too many outside influences stake their claim in my mind.

Excuse the Meyers-Briggs jargon, but basically:

– Fe makes me want to ppl please, and care about what others think.
– Si makes me want to live traditionally, follow how it’s always been done and do what’s expected and accepted.
– Ti fights for control, causing me to give into confounded logic, not based on resson, but feelings and perhaps a distorted view.
– And then quiet Ne whispers softly in the back ground that there’s something new and wonderful just out of reach – will I reach for it?

With all of the voices and thoughts vying for my attention I’m going a bit bonkers, to be honest, trying to please them all.

I think it’s time to reset and read and reread the bible. Give its truth the space it needs to run through my mind and seep down deep into my core. Until His ways are what I know. His guiding tug becomes THE voice that silences all the others.

But wait – isn’t that what God already told me?

Romans 12:2 HCSB
Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Yep. That’s what He said.
Only now I can take it in with a bit more self-awareness and stop taking my ques from those around me:
Not what Nate’s doing.
Not what the Spiritual Giants I admire are doing,
Not what I’m “supposed” to be doing.

But what makes sense for me and how I’m designed to work. To read and reread and allow this God-language, this language of faith and dependency to become my life’s language.

Considering future roadblocks, I think I get frustrated by opening my bible and not knowing where to start. Or following a plan, but it’s gotten so boring. So for now I’m just gonna read. No big production.

Just read, converse, meditate, adore, pray and live.
Over and over again. For me and Him.

Till these (already and soon-to-be) well-known tracks start playing loud enough to drown out all this noise.

Morgan Reid

I'm wife and mama learning how to love Jesus, and love on others the way He does.
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Into crunchy and natural living; mindful parenting; social justice; and environmental advocacy. I like anything domestic (decorating, fabric arts, etc), Monet's art work, photography, ASL, and having real connections with other humans. (:
Currently living in Austin, loving all the 'weird.' Counting gifts and enjoying God. ‡
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MBTI: xSFJ. Enneagram Type 6.