The respected James Martin, SJ caught my attention yesterday with his open letter to the college of cardinals in the Jesuit’s America magazine entitled “Why I Should Be Pope.” He notes that the cardinals have a tough job in front of them, and may not even know each other very well, or even be able to identify each other without a scorecard: “Besides, everyone sort of looks the same: gray hair, red hat, glasses. It’s hard to keep them straight, no matter how many of those handy “Who’s Who” charts you might have studied.” To help them out, he offers a simple solution: himself.

The Roman Catholic Church could do a lot worse than Father Martin, who would take the name John Paul Benedict I (see reason #12).

But he got me thinking.

Things are in a real tough place for the Roman Catholic church, from the scandal of bishops protecting priests who sexually abused children from the law to the non-transparency of the Vatican Bank that is putting their relationship with major EU banks in jeopardy to liturgical translation battles and other worship wars to . . . well, you get the idea. What is needed is something — someone — really outside the box. Someone that will capture the attention of the world. Someone whose selection will be so out-of-the-blue that it could only be seen as a miracle, an act of God.

OK, I’m Lutheran and not Roman Catholic, and ordinarily that would be a really big problem. But that’s the point. How could anyone imagine a group of Roman Catholic cardinals selecting a Lutheran as pope? Inconceivable! Why, it’s as crazy as Jesus getting a bunch of fishermen together and telling them “Peter, James, John . . . through you and your friends, God is going to change the world.”

Then there’s the fact that I’m married (Mrs Dr Peterr rocks!) and not celibate (we’ll just leave the details out on that one, OK?). Not exactly what the Catholic Church has been preaching these days. But given how that’s been working out for them lately, maybe returning to an older practice might be in order. If it worked for the first pope (see Matt. 8:14-17, Mk. 1:29-31, and Lk. 4:38), why not the next one? Indeed, 1 Timothy 3 (New Jerusalem Bible) says this about bishops:

Husband of one wife, he must be temperate, discreet and courteous, hospitable and a good teacher; not a heavy drinker, nor hot-tempered, but gentle and peaceable, not avaricious, a man who manages his own household well and brings his children up to obey him and be well-behaved: how can any man who does not understand how to manage his own household take care of the Church of God?

Sure, having a married pope would be a something that the Roman Catholic church hasn’t seen in centuries, but the same can be said of having a living former pope. And maybe, just maybe, having a married non-celibate pope would shock the world enough that people might start talking honestly with one another about sex and reproduction and relationships, and doing more than just looking at a dry, legal, authoritarian “Do this . . . don’t do that . . .” lists of rules put forth by old celibate unmarried men for insight into how we ought to relate to one another, especially within a marriage.

But make no mistake: rules do have their place. Despite the scholarly wisdom I’ve just demonstrated, I will be the first to admit that there’s a lot of Catholic church history that I don’t know. On the other hand, I know a lot more about reporting rapists to the police rather than hiding them from view and dealing justly with those who were victimized by priests than such eminent cardinals as Roger Mahony, Timothy Dolan, Sean Brady, and Bernard Law do. I promise, should I be elected, to remedy the gaps in my knowledge of Catholic history. And I promise to do a better job of it than the USCCB has done with regard to handling those who have violated the laws regarding child abuse. (Yes, I’m talking about Bishop Finn of Kansas City and various Philadelphia folks as well. Why do you ask?)

Finally, I’d need to choose a papal name. If the college of cardinals should elect a Lutheran to be the next pope, there really is only one possible name: Pope Martin.

Wait a minute . . .

flips through history of the popes

There have been popes by that name in the past, though it fell out of favor after an unfortunate academic debate that got out of hand in 16th century Germany. The last pope to go by the name of Martin — Martin V, for those keeping score at home — was elected in 1471 after Pope Gregory XII resigned and his rival claimant Benedict XIII gave up his fight to claim St. Peter’s chair.

My solution is a bit simpler. The new pope whoever he is just announces that infallibility has not been working out as planned so we are giving it up as well as all certainty. Giving up certainty is not impossible, in fact, it gets easier once you get the hang of it. Without certainty we don’t need to fight anymore

Boy, that’d be a hugely dirty job, Peterr, and I would certainly fear for your safety. It’s a nice idea in theory, but I’m thinking that the Vatican is one high-yuge Mafia-like institution, and they sure as heck wouldn’t take well to your kind of leadership. You are too honest, and frankly, I suspect you of being a for-real Christian. The Vatican ain’t interested in THAT, my friend.

Thanks for that link. I figured that the Nazi Ratzi wasn’t simply “retiring” for his health, as was claimed. One had to know something was afoot. No doubt the Nazi Ratzi has been faking his alleged weaknesses & ill health. I understand he gets wheeled around in a chair now to depict how “weak” he is. So yeah, he’ll be glamourously enscounced in ClubVati for the rest of his despicable life, no doubt.

Jane had this link last night to another aspect of the Nazi Razi’s apparently numerous scandals swirling about his fancy-schmancy dress & Prada shoes.

Those cardinals who “elected” the Nazi Ratzi in their all-boys club conclave didn’t do their homework and/or are beset by epic Hubris.

They could finesse the gay issue. They have kept it sub rosa (heh) for centuries.

Ditto other scandals. Vatican bank was enmeshed in BCCI scandal. Don’t ask me how. I read a book about BCCI, but it was so complicated, filled with non-Western names, and I’m bad at names of any geography, I couldn’t retain the overall structure.

My point being: There’s more going on that ill health, gay guys, pedophilia (could have gone after his predecessor for that, scandal & coverup in open long before Ratzi bc pope in 2005), Vatileaks (the butler did it in the study with the computer), Vatibank.

I have no idea what else will rock the Roman curia, but suspect we’ll find out within the next year. Well, unless the R.C. PTB figure out a way of finessing that too.

LOL One of my favorite singers is Alfie Boe, full name Alfred Giovanni Roncalli Boe. An English tenor, Lancashire born, Irish-Catholic, and a genuinely nice guy. His mother named him after John XXIII. He often jokes that someday he’ll be Pope too.

The only two requirements are you have to be male and Catholic (they’ll ordain you later). Believe me, the Church has done a lot worse. Though getting elected would seriously cut into his concert schedule.

The Vatican must have heard you’re coming, Peterr; its denial of scandal in the matter of Papa Razi’s relinquishing the shoes of the fisherman is all over the news today, especially denying the claim in the NYDailyNews item that BooRadley links to @ 16 (which originally came from Italy’s leading newspaper La Repubblica).

I’ll support you if you give me preferential access to the Vatican’s collection of ancient Greek manuscripts (one of the world’s largest) when you’re installed.

Very similar to the arguments for women clergy: The guys have had long enough
at messing up the church. Maybe there should just be a Ms. Pope and really have a change. But good luck to you in any case.

Good grief. The story of God and Jesus and Adam and Eve doesn’t make any sense. Constantine had a purpose in forcing everyone to become Christians (or else) in trying to civilize to world for safe and reliable commerece. Religion does have purpose, but beyond that, the Catholic Church is an international bank, up to its eyeballs in capitalistic empire. The gay sex stuff is a sideline for the younger, junior executives…Long ago Mohommed sat on a rock somewhere in the desert and watched the camels loaded w/ cash headed for the Bank’s home office in Rome. He had to ask himself, “What the hell are we sending all this loot to Rome for?”

My father ran the last time, but they did not count the write-in votes. He died in 2009, so he is no longer available. But he did say a “critical mass” in Los Alamos whenever he had the opportunity. His church was the “First Church of High Technology, Black Hole Synod, with Bomb Unworship Service”