Weird that my first post in forever will be on this thread, but I've got a really silly 'sparring' story that seems to fit.

So... I'm a huge nerd. I am a regular attendee of Anime Boston, which is Bostons annual anime convention. To fight off 'post-con depression' attendees will often organize meet ups through facebook. A few years ago (within a year of beginning my MMA training), I would actually attend these. And on one such day, I had the pleasure of going toe-to-toe with a Bruce Leeroy, a giant fattie, and a crossdresser.

Now keep in mind that I had no intention of doing anything martial arts related when I decided to go to this thing. I thought it'd just be an afternoon of geekdom. But alas, this black guy with straightened orange-dyed hair and a kung fu uniform approaches me. (From here on out, he will be referred to as Bruce Leeroy -- or Bruce, for short.)

Bruce asks me if I do martial arts. I'm not wearing any kind of TapouT apparel, a gym T shirt, or anything, so I'm a bit confused as to how he would know.

"Are you asking because I'm Asian?"

'No, I can just tell that you do."

"Oh... okay."

"So, d'you wanna spar?"

Do I want to spar? On the concrete, at a geek meetup? Wtf? But as preposterous as the notion sounded, I had originally come just to meet some cute cosplay girls. But there were none. And I was bored. Why the **** not?

I ask him what the proposed ruleset would be, to which he replies "you can do anything... just no punches to the face." Now as a fervent practitioner of face-punching, this doesn't sound particularly fun to me. So I ask if chokeholds and jointlocks would be okay. His answer "well, you could try if you want."

Challenge accepted! We clear out some space and square off. Immediately Bruce enters a deep kung fu stance befitting of his attire. What happens next is a bizzare mix of a kung fu film and, well, exactly what you'd expect to go down.

I throw some friendly leg kicks, which are largely ignored, while he throws spinning kicks and wavy hand slaps. At one point he even spins around and rams his back into me. After I'm done being dumbfounded, I proceed to take him down, take side control, and spin into a far-side armbar. I've got Bruce locked in place with his arm isolated, pinched securely between my thighs, but I'm not putting any pressure. I sloooowly begin to apply the submission, but Bruce isn't tapping. I suggest to him that he does, but he insists "nah I'm fine." So I dry-hump his elbow until he changes his mind.

After he taps I let him up and I'm like ready to just get on with the day, but this guy who puts Roy Nelson's tummy to shame rolls up on me and is like "my turn!" I figure, at this point, why not?

Fatty McFatFat assumes some kind of anime-based fighting stance, which leaves him wide open for leg kicks and body punches. Once he got sick of eating those, he clinches up with me an ducks his head into a guillotine. I lock it on all too happily.

"You got lucky. I only stopped because I couldn't breath."

What? Isn't that the point of a choke? I just chuckle and move along. What started off as silly was becoming increasingly ridiculous. And right on cue, a fairly built guy in a leather skirt and a halter top tells me that he wants in as well.

I mean, if I'm gonna humor Bruce Leeroy and pre-Subway Jared, I might as well see where this is going. Unlike the other two, this dude has an athletic physique at least. He removes his heels and it's on!

We exchange strikes and the crossdresser actually has heavy hands and solid leg kicks. Because I think striking without headshots is teh l4mez, I figure that I might as well take it to the ground. Within seconds of clinching with him, I'm tossed like a ragdoll! Before he can secure position, I'm back on all fours and shooting again, only to be squashed underneath his sprawl.

Of course, right as things are getting interesting the rest of the group breaks us up and tells us that we're drawing negative attention from onlookers. Fair enough. And that's a wrap.

Me and the crossdresser chat a bit and he reveals to me that he's trained in kyokushin and greco. We both decide that we can't handle the sparring blue balls so we head over to my gym and finish our match there -- in his skirt and all! As you might expect, he took me down a lot and I submitted him from the bottom.

All in all, this was one my the most bizarre martial arts related experiences in my life. What I've learned: if a guy in a skirt wants to throwdown, he's probably a legit wrestler and you're probably going to eat pavement if you accept the challenge. And yes, I'm sure that's a generally-true statement that extends beyond my weird-ass otaku escapades.

We exchange strikes and the crossdresser actually has heavy hands and solid leg kicks. Because I think striking without headshots is teh l4mez, I figure that I might as well take it to the ground. Within seconds of clinching with him, I'm tossed like a ragdoll! Before he can secure position, I'm back on all fours and shooting again, only to be squashed underneath his sprawl.

Of course, right as things are getting interesting the rest of the group breaks us up and tells us that we're drawing negative attention from onlookers. Fair enough. And that's a wrap.

Me and the crossdresser chat a bit and he reveals to me that he's trained in kyokushin and greco. We both decide that we can't handle the sparring blue balls so we head over to my gym and finish our match there -- in his skirt and all! As you might expect, he took me down a lot and I submitted him from the bottom.

All in all, this was one my the most bizarre martial arts related experiences in my life. What I've learned: if a guy in a skirt wants to throwdown, he's probably a legit wrestler and you're probably going to eat pavement if you accept the challenge. And yes, I'm sure that's a generally-true statement that extends beyond my weird-ass otaku escapades.

I once got into a drunken brawl at a new year's eve party over a girl. The dude threw a massively telegraphed haymaker, while I weaved under and threw an uppercut at the same time, hitting him square under the armpit. Dude squealed like a little girl, stumbled back, tripped over a plastic chair, and knocked himself out cold on a garden rock.

My mates thought the armpit uppercut was some kind of intentional Dimak bullshit death touch or some crap.

So I was sparring with this guy, who I am starting to suspect is THAT guy, and I start off fairly light as per usual. I know this guy usually picks up the pace pretty quickly, so instead of throwing a ton of jabs to get loose and control the pace I open up with a little variety. I double jab and throw a light rear hook, but it was like he knew I was gonna throw the hook so he eyeballbutted my hook. What would have been a love tap all of a sudden turned into a WHAP!! He was dazed for a minute so I let back and let him regain himself. He gets this crazy look of determination and starts coming at me but not even really throwing so much as a jab. He comes in, I back up throwing jabs and a couple of uppercuts. I continue at this pace as I see I already got in his head and doing anything extra will probably not benefit either of us. This wouldn't have been so funny to me if I wasn't starting to see him as THAT guy. I think he was also a little embarrassed at throwing his face in my punch right in front of the new Thai boxing coach on the coaches first day.

On a side note, are there any threads with funny stories about THAT guy?

Originally Posted by Mr. Machette

Lift a lot of weights and sexually assault anyone who tries step to you. Flip the script. Watch that fight turn to flight when you go for penetration.

Originally Posted by Raycetpfl

Just for future reference dude..... when you are doing it right you don't soil your under-roos when you nail chicks.