Thursday, May 18, 2006

Le Gigolo malgre lui

After a bit of pondering I've realized that what Cheryl wrote (and about four dozen of you echoed, thanks so much) is essentially true. My nominal title for the upcoming tour is "host," but what I really am is a man-whore.

Quite an epiphany to experience over one's morning oatmeal.

Mind you, though I may be dancing with the passengers, all of said dancing will be vertical. The only time I've ever been propositioned by a traveler on one of these tours, the suggestion came from one of the husbands. (And no, I didn't.)

On the whole, I think I make a most unlikely man-whore. I guess I can handle it for two weeks, but I'd never pursue it as a way of life.

Problem number one: I'm short. I think about the only sexual kink you can't find through Google (not that I've looked) is a fetish for men of low physical stature. We have our admirers, of course, but they aren't numerous enough to constitute a viable consumer base. I would have to be a niche market tottie, and I doubt a sensible business plan could rest upon that premise.

I also don't spend enough time in the gym. To be a proper studmuffin-for-hire, I'd have to do something about my abdominal muscles. Try as I might, I've never achieved real definition down there. Although at one point I was able to muster a strongly-worded recommendation with ample supporting documents.

And there's the question of flexibility. I am the Little Engine Who Can't unless I'm genuinely interested. I've known two "men of pleasure" and both were able to make the magic happen with whoever was paying the bill (male or female). One of them said he'd trained himself to snap into action at the sound of money changing hands. I wonder if that ever caused problems at the grocery store?

I am quite certain that when confronted with more esoteric requests I would be far too inclined to scream, "You want me to what?" thereby spoiling the ambience.

And logisitics. How does one deal with the logistics?

If I decided to do only out-calls, I'd need to get a car or at least enough cash to pay for taxi fares all over the city. It would not be sexy or good for trade to have to call a client and explain that I'd be over to play Where's Waldo just as soon as the number 36 bus showed up.

Working from home, on the other hand, would mean keeping the living room free of the snowdrift of sketch books, knitting supplies, reading material, and boots that never seems to melt away completely. And there would be laundry. Piles of it. One would need, I expect, rather more than the usual supply of linens, and the cost of having them monogrammed would be prohibitive.

I'm tired just thinking about it all. It sort of gives you a new appreciation for Fanny Hill, doesn't it? Such a demanding career and she still had time to write a book. I'm lucky if I can get the dishes done after a busy day at the office.

That's all for now. Back to packing. I'm trying to decide whether to take the leopard-print Speedo or the lycra trunks with the peekaboo pouch.

My aunt is six fet tall and has always preferred short men. After all, she says, you don't want someone the same as yourself, do you? Do I understand from what you say that this doesn't work for man-on-man relationships?

In New York City, we have a bar night for every fetish. In fact, the bar night for vertically-challenged people was featured in the last issue of OUT magazine. I've been to Runt only once (as I know the organizer peripherally from my music contacts) and it was an entertaining evening. Personally, I notice men who are either under 5'6" or over 6'4"; of course, it helps if they are over 50 as well...

That was really very funny Franklin...the thought of bringing clients home to a mess.It's a fact that I'll never get propostioned by the metre man ( even if he was desperate) as we'd never find the flat space ..obvoius I have a bed but as soon as Jeff leaves for work it fills with ironing etc.Holly loves short men b.t.w not your type or age but what's on the inside is far more important.

You are focusing too much on the negatives on this issue. What you need is a coach to give you the proper encouragemet. And who better than a life coach . . DELORES! I'm sure she wouldn't steer you wrong . . yeah, trust her .. hahaha.

We still want the pics and stories. Then we will get the " . . . now for the rest of the story" from Delores.

I have a suspicion that if you were seeing clients in your home, you'd want to have a room/space set aside 'specially for that purpose. Wouldn't matter what services you were offering.

I think every massage therapist I know -- and I'm not talking about sex trade workers, I mean licenced bodyworkers -- who works out of their home has a room set up for their office. You want a separation of work and living space, or you go crazy unless you can manage your space and the energies *really* well. And it's been my experience that most clients don't really want to see much of your life hanging around.

Come to think of it, the sex trade workers I know have workspaces separate from their living space, as well.

Leave it to Cheryl to think of the "man-ho" angle. ;-) (You know I love you, Cheryl!). I'd bring both swimwear items as you don't know what's acceptable, and each item should be compact enough to bring in a suitcase.

Well, the speedos would, of course, be très européen (God, how I love being home on my Mac). I'm trying to picture the trunks, though. Will there be side trips to Mykonos or Sitges?

Don't be so sure about there being too few people with short fetishes. For every possible fetish, you can bet that somewhere there's a club for it. That said, I find there's something singularly unattractive about anyone who would reduce me (or anyone else, for that matter) to a single trait.

1. sounds more like a Geisha than a man-ho. Geisha is a very honorable profession you know. :)2. Darlin' there are some real 'advantages' to a short statured man...rrrrrow! 3. Take both...take all...always. ;)

Franklin, I think it's time for a change of careers. Did you see the recent article about "gentleman hosts" on cruise ships? (the link is below) These are men who are hired by the cruise companies simply to keep the old ladies company.

Of course, the article was bemoaning the fact that they are becoming scarcer, but it still may be the ideal profession for you. I mean, there may not be many job openings, but how many of the other applicants are knitters?

The advantage of working from home would be that, if anything was requested that you couldn't or wouldn't do, Dolores would be there to help out. The only issue is whether the clients could afford her.

If Chicago traffic is anything like that in inner-city Sydney (Aust.) a bus or train may be faster than driving. With the current cost of petrol, insurance, registration and depreciation and the lack of parking, you'd probably be better off catching cabs everywhere.

With Dolores at the house, you would have a built in "madam" to manage all the details of "working at home." It could prove quite advantageous, Franklin, in that she could provide both physical and emotional security for you. Sigh.... too bad she's only a figment of our collective imaginations.

Okay, a few points to help you in your new career:1. height is not an issue when you are clinging to a horizontal cliff-face with your ice-pick2. every stomach looks flatter when you let gravity do the work and lie flat on your back ("why go all the way to London make you can make a fortune lying flat on your back, my dear?!" - with apologies to Blackadder)3. Outcalls can be billed with transport on top (so to speak), while in-calls can include a blindfold for that extra kink factor.4. Invest in a good pair of wooden clothes pegs5. You are yarn whore first and foremost... if you need a little 'pick-me-up' lie back and think of merino!6. You have a live-in pimp... put that foul-mouthed ewe to work for you delivering flyers, pasting photos in phone booths, and screening calls.

Speedo. And I have to say, that even if you bat from the other side of the plate (so to speak) youprobably are a better escort for a social function than most of the ones I've managed to take to family weddings. You can probably waltz. Or hell, even electric slide.

For in-house entertaining, one would have to keep the area tidy, but I hardly think the guests would be there to judge the decor. There are many advantages in using a residence for entertaining, including tax breaks and not having far to fall when one wears out. However, my recommendation would be to suss out a small studio, after all would you really want the guests to know where you lived? As for mobile entertaining, tell the guest that the fee will be X and they are expected to pay transportation costs. When the taxi arrives at the destination, simply double the amount you paid, including tip, to add to the bill. Personally, I don't see you as a prostitute. I think a Gentleman Host fits you better

Dolores would make a terrible madam ..she'd over-book all her workers just for that new handbag or pair of shoes.They'd all be worn-out before their time then it would be the work-house ( very Dickens).

So I was kinda giggling while doing dishes last night about your post yesterday. My husband says "What's so funny." I say "I read this blog by this gay guy in Chicago who lives with an imaginary sheep and is going on a greek cruise." My husband looked ... uh... unconvinced... so I started trying to explain Dolores... it just got worse from there. He's still... unconvinced... mostly about my sanity, I think.

Mary ..the only weird thing being an imaginary Sheep ( depending on your view of Greece) maybe you could play on it by suddenly having an imaginary cat .Who knows it might get him to take you on a cruise thinking you have major stress.

A professional London Escorts agency booking service with more than 50 girls available 24/7 for high class elite girls for in call and out call availability. Escort London For professional dating of London Escort girls. Escorts London

Copyright and Posting Notice

All original content of this blog, both words and images, is held in copyright by F. Habit. Use of any kind, in any medium, for any reason without express, prior written consent is prohibited.

Permission is not granted for the posting of any content from this site to Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, or any other Web site.

Please do not provide links to any product, service, organization or cause when leaving comments unless directly related to the topic of the post. Unsolicited advertising will be deleted and repeat offenders will be blocked.

When in doubt, please ask. I'm not mean, I'm just committed to preserving the quality of experience for my readers.