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IF you havent noticed, a portion of this forum isnt very friendly or civil towards newcomers/ people that have different ideas other than their own.
Just like one of the past threads that raged on for days, members detailed what they think of the declining forum population and their trust towards others.
Some here are very rude, others are very civil, but the important thing is that the ones of us who ARE still here for the long run must be willing to be
helpful and friendly. Just my 2 cents.

I'm all for being helpful and friendly. I was lucky enough to receive such a welcome on this forum when I first joined, and it's largely why I'm still here today. All I was trying to say is that most members do things other than grow CPs. They have plenty of interests, and should be able to talk about those things in the chat box. Just because our chat doesn't always revolve around one specific topic all the time doesn't mean there's a problem, and it's certainly not spam.

IF you havent noticed, a portion of this forum isnt very friendly or civil towards newcomers/ people that have different ideas other than their own.
Just like one of the past threads that raged on for days, members detailed what they think of the declining forum population and their trust towards others.
Some here are very rude, others are very civil, but the important thing is that the ones of us who ARE still here for the long run must be willing to be
helpful and friendly. Just my 2 cents.

I find it sad we have to be having this exact conversation under these circumstances.
Were all part of the largest CP forum, and it looks like were all part of broken factions.

Not every idea is worthy of respect. Every person on the other hand is. But how much? Are there mechanisms by which one can deservedly gain and/or lose a measure of respect? These are important questions which should be considered before making such a statement.

Judge not lest ye be judged creates a cesspool. Judge others and prepare to be judged by them.
Just know when to keep the verdict to yourself.

I truly believe in non-violent communication. The reason and definition can be highlighted with the following passage

"Nonviolence means allowing the positive within you to emerge. Be dominated by love, respect, understanding, appreciation, compassion and concern for others rather than the self-centered and selfish, greedy, hateful, prejudiced, suspicious and aggressive attitudes that dominate our thinking. We often hear people say: This world is ruthless and if you want to survive you must become ruthless too. I humbly disagree with this contention.This world is what we have made of it. If it is ruthless today it is because we have made it ruthless by our attitudes. If we change ourselves we can change the world and changing ourselves begins with changing our language and methods of communication... It is a significant first step towards changing our communication and creating a compassionate world" Arun Gandhi

Non-violent communication follows this 4 steps ( an over simplified version)
1. Observation without evaluation and judgement
2. Feeling - State how we feel when we observe actions we like or don't like. Also being responsible for our own feelings, this method heightens our awareness, that what others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause of our feelings.
3. Needs - we say what we need of our are connected to the feelings we have identified
4. Request

This process requires empathy which is broken down to four characteristics by Teresa Wiseman a nursing scholar in the UK who studied various professions where empathy was relevant
1. Perspective taking - recognizing the perspective of another person as their truth
2. Staying out of judgment - it's especially hard because we enjoy it so much
3. Recognizing the emotion in the other person
4. Communicating this emotion back
It's almost important to distinguish empathy and sympathy. Empathy drives connection and is understood as feeling with people. Sympathy drives disconnection and is feeling for people.

I avoid engaging in the following behavior in the way i speak to myself and others
Judgement - A judgement is used when we want to launch ourselves out of our own insecurity. It's easier to judge somebody else than to face our own vulnerability
Blame - A way to discharge our own discomfort and pain onto someone else
Shame - Shame focuses on a person's self rather than behavior. Shame is you are bad and Guilt is you did something bad. Shame is highly correlated with aggression, bullying, depression, substance abuse and guilt is inversely correlated with those. There's nothing more adaptable than holding who we want to be to how we're actually being. Shame destroys this process by attributing what we want to change to who we are instead of what we're doing.

I also believe we can't give other people what we don't have and we can't ask other people to do what we aren't doing. Which means if i don't first respect myself than I can't respect other people. Furthermore, if i don't respect myself and other people , I can't expect others to follow.

I struggle in this process as well but it's something I truly believe in. It's the connection I've fostered through this method of communication that motivates me to continue this work on myself and with other people. It allows me to make the right decision rather than the safe decision. This really helps me Identify the full range of my capabilities, sensitivities, and depths as a human being.

My work in progress was contributed by many people, author, and researchers. Some of their work I'd recommend are
Book - Non-Violent Communication A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg
Book - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
Video - The power of Vulnerability

it's important to recognize the difference between expecting respect, and earning it. If someone doesn't feel respected, it's essential to ask themselves "why?". If a person cannot start by asking themselves that question, the odds are they will find themselves staring blankly at a barrier they do not comprehend.

I feel like this is sort of a non-issue, personally. I like having the chat box as an outlet for whatever. I don't generally like feeling pressured or controlled into staying in a "safe zone" of subjects. We are all real people with lives that revolve heavily, but not exclusively around CPs.