Wednesday, April 16

oh gross

Oh no, no, no.... I'm not that disgusting and depraved and desperate for blog material that I'd take a pictured of a crapped out bedazzler bead.

Nope, that photographed object came out from whence it entered. Her nose.

Bumper recently mastered nose blowing and yesterday after a request for a tissue, she presented me with one snot covered gemstone.

Almost five days after a small team of health professionals looked for this exact object with lights, long pointy things, saline solutions, sneeze therapy, and a surprisingly cooperative patient, it emerged.

And after almost five days of no complaints - save for one comment during our Saturday afternoon parental survival tactic movie indulgence, when she said out of the blue "I don't want bead in my tummy", it sprang forth.

She had none of the symptoms listed on her discharge notes under "come back if any of these things occur". Nada. Not a one.

GOOD GOLLY - WHERE THE HELL WAS IT? HER NOSE IS THE SIZE OF A BUTTON.

Alas, it seems the bead was in her nose the entire time unless she was pulling a really elaborate joke which - even I must admit - is beyond my particularly precocious daughters skill level.

Anyhow, the case of "The Mystery of the Bedazzled Sinus" is now closed. Encyclopedia Brown would be proud (well he would have been if I had done any actual mystery solving but whatever, case closed).

Holy GROSSNESS. That is amazing.Never underestimate the ability of your child to outwit modern medicine. I am just not buying this way they have of being surprised that a gemstone could still be up there. Which is why I am unpopular with doctors.

Inside everybody’s noseThere lives a sharp-toothed snail.So if you stick your finger in,He may bite off your nail.Stick it farther up inside,And he may bite your ring off.Stick it all the way, and heMay bite the whole darn thing off.