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The tricky part of the “marriage/couple as the end goal” assumption, is that we automatically put that on the other person and ourselves (and vice versa), and don’t ever communicate our true intentions. Do you tell each of them that you’re having sex with other people and what kind of safer sex practices you use with each person? Monogamous relating fosters a culture of silence around sex. I hate to tell you, but if you are dating/ having sex with multiple people, and don’t talk about it, all these things will likely happen anyway.

On the outside, I look like your typical single, White, female professional.

Let’s go ahead and add the cultural assumptions that, because I’m 38, my biological clock is ticking and I’m looking for a husband so I can have children. I live alone – and love it, I have an active social life and career, I don’t want to get married, I don’t want to have kids, I’m bi/pansexual and want to express the fullness of my sexuality, and I’m not monogamous.

♦◊♦ Perhaps it is you who doesn’t want to know about your dates’ dating lives.

With dating, there is often an end goal of finding a partner and getting married.