(“Ladies and gentlemen…I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your strange weight-measurement machine frightens and confuses me! My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know — those girls behind me have glorious racks.”)

Alright settle down, settle down:

— Weigh-ins for UFC 81 go down today at 4pm PT / 7pm ET, and will be broadcast live from the Mandalay Bay Events Center on UFC.com.

— More importantly, we will be liveblogging UFC 81 tomorrow starting at 7pm PT / 10pm ET. Readers who have experienced our previous liveblogs know that it’s the best party on the Internet. Especially if you’re too cheap to pay for the event.