bob and the branflakes part 1 and 2 [MA Something+]

In 1943, a mad scientist named Bob, who is also a retired Marine Corpssniper, had just completed a prototype time machine. He was about to eatsome bran flakes when the machine malfunctioned sending him 200 yearsinto the future. Bob tries to get the machine to work but is no use as it hadover-heated and fried the circuits.

The year is now 2143, Bob is still hungry for bran flakes so hedecides to go to the store and get some. He walks to the store near wherehis house was in 1943 and asked the cashier where the bran flakes were andhe replied "haven't you heard?...there is a shortage of bran flakes and milk"something inside Bob snapped, he pulled out his Colt M1911, pointed it atthe young man’s face, and pulled the trigger. Blood and brain mattersprayed all over Bob's face as the bullet entered through the cashiers eyesocket and exploded out the back of his skull, imbedding into the wallbehind him. His lifeless body crumbles to the floor in a pool of bloodspilling out the golf ball sized hole in the back of his skull. Bob grabs anapkin off the counter and wipes the blood and brain matter from his faceas he heads for another store.

Bob got to the second store and they told him that they had milk butno bran flakes. This made Bob even angrier so he walked up to the cashierof that store, then shot him point blank in the neck severing both his jugularand corroded. Blood sprays out his neck like a high pressure fire hosecovering Bob and the floor in his blood, he clasps his neck in an attempt tostop the bleeding, but it is no use as he starts choking on his ownblood, and dies. Just as Bob starts walking towards the door the bag girl (afemale alien) comes out of the bathroom (where she had been smoking ablunt and listening to death metal so she did not hear the shots), sees Bobcovered head to toe in blood, and screams for help. Bob stops, turnsaround, and shouts "shut the Flamingo up you stupid Crab" as he shoots herthree times in the Larynx (aka voice box), ripping her neck to shreds andShutting her up for good. On the way out Bob spits in her face and mutters "if you had just kept yourgod damn legs closed and mouth shut this wouldn’t have happened..." then heads for another store.

Bob enters the last store in town trying to find bran flakes and milk.He sees that a lady with a demon baby in her cart has just bought the lastbox of bran flakes and the last gallon of milk. This in-rages Bob Even more,he walks up to the lady, pulls out his Colt, and empties its 8, .45caliber round clip into her.The first two are sent ripping through her left lung and bouncing aroundher chest cavity. The third, fourth, and fifth are sent tearing through herliver, stomach, and spleen then exploding out her back shattering the shopwindow behind her. Blood is sent gushing out the three new quarter sizedholes in her upper back filling the air with the sweet, warm smell of freshblood splattering all over the floor, her cart and her baby. The baby lets outa high pitched evil laugh as the warm blood splashes onto its face. The sixthhits her in the shoulder and shatters both her scapula and clavicle (twobones in the shoulder). The seventh and eighth cut through her heart like ahot knife through butter as it beats one final time and is expelled out herback covering the wall and the shattered window behind with her blood.The demon baby laughs as its mothers bloody, bullet ridden body collapsesto the floor and the last shred of life fades from her eyes and she dies in apool of her own blood.

Bob reaches into the cart and picks up the baby whois still laughing and snaps its neck. Bob laughs as he scoops out its eye ballsand eats them. He licks his lips as he rips the baby in half and eats em.When he is done eating the baby he realizes that he does not want branflakes anymore.

He wants some pimps and O's he grabs a box off the shelfbut before he can eat them a cop bursts through the door at the front of thestore and fires three shots at him. The first one hits the box of Pimps andO's out of Bob's hand. The other two shots hit the shelf of can goods behindhim. Bob returns fire hitting the officer in the knee. The officer fires off 4 more rounds as his leg buckles,one Grazes Bobs left arm the other three hit a case of water behind Bobs head. Bob then fireshitting the cop in the chest three times. The resulting force of the three .45 caliber rounds impacting hisKevlar vest knocks him to the ground and breaks four ribs. The officer crawls behind a small desk, pullsout his radio and reports a code 10-10 (shots fired) and10-13(officer down). You can hear the frantic radio chatter as Bob comes up behind the officer and he mutters "oh shit" as Bob shoots him in the forehead. He then walks over to him, takes theofficer's glock, drops his pants, and shits in his mouth.

Bob then walks out of the store and sees a hoverbus full of retard alien children. He shoots the driver in the head splattering blood and brain allover the windshield. The bus swerves and crashes into an elementaryschool for mentally handicapped aliens, and blows up. killing all 25 kids onthe bus and more than 300 kids and staff in the school. You can hear apopping sound made by the burning bodies .

Bob walks to where his house was in 1943 and sees that a family ofaliens is now living there. Bob walks up to the door and picks the lock. Hethen walks to the master bedroom and sees that the two parents are stillsound asleep. He walks up to the left side of the bed w here the father issleeping, takes out his K-bar and stabs him in the heart. Blood soaks thesheets and the bed below. Bob moves over to the right side of the bed wherethe mother is sleeping, grabs her head, and pulls her chin down to her chest(allowing for maximum damage and blood loss), she wakes up just in timeto watch Bob slit her throat ear to ear. He can see the fear in her eyes as shebleeds out, and it makes him smile. Bob then walks into the kid's room andplunges his knife into the base of her skull severing her spinal cord, killingher instantaneously. Bob cuts out her eyeballs and gobbles them up. Hethen lifts the lifeless alien's body and swallows her whole.

Bob licks the blood from his lips then walks out and into the livingroom, where he hears the news on the TV. They are talking about all themurders Bob had committed. They then showed a video of Bob shooting theofficer and then shitting in his mouth. The news caster says that Bob isconsidered armed and extremely dangerous and that anyone with infoabout his whereabouts should call the snitch hotline at666-46-3825-9687-7353 (aka 666-go-Flamingo-your-self). They also state thatthe death toll is now over 325 people Bob turns off the TV locks the doorbehind him, and heads for the police station.

When Bob gets to the police station he sees a CNN news vanparked out front, a news caster is doing a segment on live TV talking abouthow Bob is an insane individual and should turn himself in before he isKilled, Bob walks up to the news caster and yells "Go Flamingo yourself youstupid motherfucking liberals" as he shoots the news anchor in the head (with the officers glock), coating the camera lens in blood. The camera fallsto the ground as Bob kills the camera man. Bob proceeds to piss on thenewscasters body, then cut off his head, and throws it through the policestation window. Ten officers come out shooting at Bob, he gets off 6 rounds(killing 2 of the officers and wounding another) before he is hit by a roundin the leg, then another in the chest, then 2 more in the head. The officerssurround Bob as he falls to the ground splashing into a pool of his ownblood.The End?

Bob 2.0Meow zombie: instead of wanting to eat flesh they want to eat MeowJohnson zombie: a zombie that eats Johnson plain and simple

Bob wakes up in hell with a burning pain in his asshole, he looks around and sees Hades(the devil) in the bed next to him. Bob yelled” What the Flamingo did you do to me when I was dead?!?!” “Flamingo your lifeless body raw” says Hades . Bob jumps on top of him pulls out his big black Johnson and rams it through the base of Hades’ skull and out through his mouth thrusting over and over till he busts a nut. Bob tells Hades if he doesn’t bring him back to life he will rape him for all eternity and poof bob was back outside the police station alive (bob is now a Meow zombie) bob jumps up and fires 15 rounds hitting one officer, then another and another until all 8 of the remaining officers are dead…bob walks over to one of the female officers and rips off her pants and goes neck deep in her snatch biting and ripping when bob is done he wipes the blood from his face then walks off(the female officer comes to life as a Meow zombie ) bob turns around and sees the female officer ripping at the female news casters Meow and laughs thinking to himself “now that’s what I call rough sex”. Bob walks down the street and sees a battered women’s shelter he walks in and sees this smoking hot woman in a short skirt. Bob tackles her to the ground and Flamingo her raw. her screams subside as she succumbs to the Meow zombie virus . she gets up and starts attacking the other women in the shelter. Bob walks out and a police officer spots him..the officer opens fire hitting the ground beside bob. Bob pulls out his m1911 and fires 4 shots the first two hit the officer in the left knee knocking him to the ground and the other two hit the officer in the neck blood sprays all over the side walk a his lifeless body falls. Bob continues walking down the street and sees a tv store with the news on, they are showing videos of Meow zombie attacks and they show a redneck who says “the only way to put them down is a bullet to the snatch” bob laughs and heads down the street to where he sees a female officer running towards him being chased by a group of Meow zombies . the officer fires two shots hitting one of the Meow zombies in the twat and it goes down the other two keep coming. As the officer approaches bob he fires 3 shots hitting the other two Meow zombies in the Crab and they go down as well . the officer begins to thank bob but he jumps on her rips of her pants and destroys her cootch bob licks his lips a he stands up and heads back down the street. Bob passes another tv store and now the news station is showing videos of gay zombies (Johnson zombies) ripping peoples dicks off…shit says bob as he turns and heads towards the mini-mart…bob walks into the mini-mart where three Johnson zombies are trapped they try and jump on bob but he is too fast he pulls out his colt and shoots two for them in the Johnson and runs out of bullets he drops the gun, jumps on the Johnson zombie head pulls out his Johnson and rams it through the Johnson zombies forehead bob heads out of the store.

To be continued if requested

Last edited by lordofdeath96 on Mon 22 Jul 2013, 23:17; edited 2 times in total

Bob 2.0Meow zombie: instead of wanting to eat flesh they want to eat MeowJohnson zombie: a zombie that eats Johnson plain and simple

Bob wakes up in hell with a burning pain in his asshole, he looks around and sees Hades(the devil) in the bed next to him. Bob yelled” What the Flamingo did you do to me when I was dead?!?!” “Flamingo your lifeless body raw” says Hades . Bob jumps on top of him pulls out his big black Johnson and rams it through the base of Hades’ skull and out through his mouth thrusting over and over till he busts a nut. Bob tells Hades if he doesn’t bring him back to life he will rape him for all eternity and poof bob was back outside the police station alive (bob is now a Meow zombie) bob jumps up and fires 15 rounds hitting one officer, then another and another until all 8 of the remaining officers are dead…bob walks over to one of the female officers and rips off her pants and goes neck deep in her snatch biting and ripping when bob is done he wipes the blood from his face then walks off(the female officer comes to life as a Meow zombie ) bob turns around and sees the female officer ripping at the female news casters Meow and laughs thinking to himself “now that’s what I call rough sex”. Bob walks down the street and sees a battered women’s shelter he walks in and sees this smoking hot woman in a short skirt. Bob tackles her to the ground and Flamingo her raw. her screams subside as she succumbs to the Meow zombie virus . she gets up and starts attacking the other women in the shelter. Bob walks out and a police officer spots him..the officer opens fire hitting the ground beside bob. Bob pulls out his m1911 and fires 4 shots the first two hit the officer in the left knee knocking him to the ground and the other two hit the officer in the neck blood sprays all over the side walk a his lifeless body falls. Bob continues walking down the street and sees a tv store with the news on, they are showing videos of Meow zombie attacks and they show a redneck who says “the only way to put them down is a bullet to the snatch” bob laughs and heads down the street to where he sees a female officer running towards him being chased by a group of Meow zombies . the officer fires two shots hitting one of the Meow zombies in the twat and it goes down the other two keep coming. As the officer approaches bob he fires 3 shots hitting the other two Meow zombies in the Crab and they go down as well . the officer begins to thank bob but he jumps on her rips of her pants and destroys her cootch bob licks his lips a he stands up and heads back down the street. Bob passes another tv store and now the news station is showing videos of gay zombies (Johnson zombies) ripping peoples dicks off…shit says bob as he turns and heads towards the mini-mart…bob walks into the mini-mart where three Johnson zombies are trapped they try and jump on bob but he is too fast he pulls out his colt and shoots two for them in the Johnson and runs out of bullets he drops the gun, jumps on the Johnson zombie head pulls out his Johnson and rams it through the Johnson zombies forehead bob heads out of the store.