Posted Jul 29, 2008

Need a Clue? Sugar Baby & Sugar Daddy Questions

Whether it’s a first message, second date, or profile description, there are certain things Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies don’t seem to talk about.

Is there something you wanted to say in your profile but didn’t write because you thought it wouldn’t be appropriate for a Sugar Daddy site?

Messages– Do you say everything you’re thinking, wondering, or worrying about when you write your Sugar Baby/Sugar Daddy? Or do you wonder what a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby REALLY thinks about your message style?

What’s the “right” way to ask for a bigger allowance? What should you ask before making a move? Is it smart to make “Personal Assistant” arrangements?

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48 Responses to “Questions For Sugars”

Talessays:

I really enjoy hearing the responses people are giving.

I have a pretty funny story. A little insight, I met him on here and he seems to be in it for all the right reasons. He’s very kind and actually pretty awkward in his advances. He wants someone he can go out with and do activities with him. He is not as well off as some on here but he is very smart and wealthy for his age.

Anyways, we were out on our second date bowling and he got progressively more touchy (and even pulled me in for a kiss for the first time) through the hour we spent bowling. After we finished, we walked outside and he brought me to his car. I was cautious and brought my car next to his, kept the doors unlocked, and my hand on the panic button for my car. He ends up pulling me in to make out again and starts touching me all over. He pulls my hair and I was like “Wooahh! I did not expect this” and he asked me if I like giving ****jobs…..I said “Sure, but not on a second date”. So he didn’t try but he kept putting my hand on his junk and trying to touch me (after specifically saying he didn’t like this site for all the girls wanting sex??). He tries to pull my shirt down and asked if he could make me orgasm…ALL IN HIS CAR IN THE PARKING LOT OF THIS BOWLING ALLEY.

When I said no to all of this he then said “Well I should be going because it’s late.” Like, a second ago you would’ve stayed for some head or whatnot but now it’s too late. Oh my gosh. Craziest thing that’s ever happened.

We haven’t talked about allowance or anything, we meet in the middle for our dates, and he hasn’t slipped me anything for my time. I’m trying not to be harsh because we’ve only had two dates, and I don’t expect the world after two dates, but if he expects me to be comfortable doing sex acts, he should be comfortable to talk about helping me. This is a two way street, we are both here to make the other happy. What are you thoughts?

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bioncasays:

Just had my first really sugar daddy experience got put up in the pent house and he was done within 25 min tops he has to go back to work left money on counter an told me the room was in for 3 days’ if I wanted he was going back out on business and to order whatever I wanted there are some good ones!!

I had an undercover cop try to get me once but just don’t take money until after he starts getting physical, just saying.

Dallassays:

Dear Roxy: I’m very new to these blogs, but my advice to you is to be cautious! If you love the job you have, then keep it. He’ll still be around. No matter how much money he makes or how well ya’ll get along, there’s a certain allure to a girl who has a separate life. Just be wary of a guy who asks you to give up everything unless he’s Hef 😉 I speak from experience! Best of luck to all

Anonymoussays:

Mary:

If a guy were a cop undercover, he’d probably have to convince you to agree to specific sex acts in exchange for specific amounts of money, since that’s what prostitution legally is. Some may have a broader, more philosophical or emotional definition of prostitution, and you can think about that all you want, but as far as not getting arrested goes, what matters is what the law thinks. So don’t charge for the acts of sex. Charge for your time, if you must charge for something, or better yet ask for it as a gift, or, if your sugar daddy is smart about it, he’ll just give you a sufficient amount of money without you having to ask.

True, he might break up with you if you don’t have sex with him, but since you aren’t a prostitute and aren’t charging for sex, you always have the option of saying no, for any reason, and you don’t owe him any refunds, either. However, if you don’t think you’d ever want to have sex with a sugar daddy, even after getting to know him, it’s probably best to go for the really old ones who aren’t fit to be sexually active.

Desperatesays:

Dear Roxy,

*NEVER* give up your career for a man. He might be the man you think he is, but then there are also men who act nice until they have you where there want you – with no options besides being dependant on them. Having to give up your career is a red flag. Supposing he dumped you, or worse yet, started abusing you. Would you be able to go back to your current job, or find a new one?

Think about it. Even if your boss would let you back for sure, which is doubtful, considering the company you work for would probably find a replacement ASAP, supposing you moved in with him? He could go through your mail and your phone bill to make sure you didn’t get another. He could insist you move somewhere far away enough that when you started looking for other job, the commute was to far.

Some of us have to be dependant, possibly because we ignored red flags, others because their parents gave them a bad start in life to begin with. Don’t become one of us.

That said, don’t leave your job, but don’t break up with him just for asking. He might just want to spend more time with you, that being impossible with your work hours. But if he breaks up with you because of your job, let him go. Don’t quit your job just so you can have him.

Divosays:

I would like to know what it takes to!!! I dont go for the money, I mean it would be a help getting through school, but some of these daddies want the sex with nothing else, or just an affair like wtf. I want someone to enlighten me asap plz…. Going to school to better myself and these other babies have that handed to them and I of all people cant wow…Gotta love being slim, in shape, and confident. divovern@yahoo.com for the insight….thax all mwah xoxoxo

Bensays:

Alder – good question. If she cashes it in, you should be able to get money back – or maybe if you could convince her to buy it and then you reimburse her, that would be good to.

In this particular case she may be scamming you. Not a lot you can do here – except maybe call your credit card company and say the ticket has been stolen, because that is somewhat true.

An idea just struck me though. Really, what I think many folks here would be an escrow service of sorts. I kind of did this with a SB once where I sent her the money Western Union and then gave her the details once she showed up – so when she got back home she would be able to pick it up. If she didn’t show, I could just cancel and get my cash back.

Stephan – I’ll write you a separate note, but this might be one idea for you guys – obviously with a fee – or in partnership with WU that you let SDs escrow money for SBs etc.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with a prospective sb agreeing to meet, you purchase the airline ticket, and she does not show, luckly Ive had more show up than not.

I have never posted before now but what the heck…she smiles. I was curious as to the double standard (in life, really, not just the site). I have heard and read men who are appalled at the SB for asking for money right away (I am not agreeing or disagreeing, just asking a question) but most (not all!) SD’s are not opposed to asking for sex information, asking for naughty pics or plain setting their expectations, right away. If it’s rude to ask for a check then it’s as rude to ask for sex. Period. Am I wrong? I think clear communication is the best way to handle any issues that you are unsure of…especially for this site. It’s not a dating site.

a1derfulguy4u: I think men are more complex than women are! If we use the money for our household then we are needy. If we use the money for luxuries then we are greedy??? It’s a no win scenario. I should think if you really care for your SB then who cares or who ASKS what she does with it. Give it to her because you want her to be happy and please her….the same exact reasons she is intimate with her SD in any form. A SB should provide intimacy to please her SD and because she wants him to be happy- for no other reason.

Roxy: I think everyone on here has their own desires and wishes…and there is someone for everyone BUT (and I am not sure what you do for work) I would never leave my position, security, 401K, benefits etc for something as unusual as this type of adventure/arrangement. This isn’t marriage or reality. It’s an arrangement and it could end tomorrow even if he is covering all your monthly bills. I have worked hard through college and to establish a successful company and reputation. I think, at the minimun, you could take a leave but quit your job???? No way, baby!
Just my 2 cents worth…lol….Either way, best wishes!

Roxysays:

BeAStar- Thank you for your great advice. I’m still a bit nervous about having the conversation.

I would love to get a guys perspective on this one. Any one?

Anastacia-T – Where would you suggest I go to ask the questions? You are so ignorant and harsh. People come to this site for other reasons, don’t be so close minded. I always do my research, knowledge is power. What makes you think I am on here looking for something better or that I am not looking to be in a stable relationship? You sounded very mean. Perhaps you should take the time to read your comments before you post them.

Roxy-If you did not meet this guy that gives you money for nothing on this site then why are you on here? Looking for something better? Does he know you are on this site? would it hurt him? Maybe you better rethink your position before you give him an SD position. He may just be trying to buy your love. If you don’t love him and keep taking the money…You are in the wrong. We are all on here for an arrangement…rethink the situation, you may be leading a good may to a road of pain. If you don’t love him enough or have enough trust in him-then quitting your job would be simply naive. If you can’t have the one you love, love the one youre with!! If you are not comfortable with asking for money, if you need it, then let him go so he can find someone who is looking for a stable relationship!! Not being mean-just a thought!!!

Lisasays:

Be careful with the ones that want to meet in a month. I met one of these and we even set up a date for a month later when he would be less busy. He has not contacted me, ignores my emails but is on the system everyday and renewed his membership. He might be legit but he might just be stringing you along while he continues to look for others.
I think you should be somewhat upfront at the first meeting because if you don’t, you may not get what you want.

a1derfulguy4U:

A sugarbaby is not just someone who barely gets by with the help of her sugardady, it’s beyond just paying the bills. Expensive handbags and clothes are part of being a sugar baby. Being spoiled and pampered with nice things, not just getting the phone bill paid.

angiesays:

Hello Sb/Sd

It is the first time I post here, even though I have been reading it for a while.
I am new to the sb/sd and I need a piece of advice. I have been talking to this guy, emails and chat, and he wants us to meet in about a month.
In our firsts conversations he mentioned an arrangement as a monthly allowance and presents, etc, but nothing specific.
We talked about meeting in person in about a month. From talking to him, he seems like a really nice guy.
My question is: Should I discuss specifics of an arrangement before meeting him? ( I will fly to meet him) Or Should I wait until I get there and let him bring up the conversation?
I wouldn’t want him to think that I am only interested in money, if I bring up the conversation prior to meeting, but in the same time I am thinking what if he is a fake that just wants to play and have fun… and doesn’t have the fun or willingness to be a sd?
Any insight would be appreciated… from sb as well as sd 😀

Roxy, where did you meet this 100 million + guy? he sounds like one hot ticket! 10k with no sex? thats a great deal if i ever heard one!

There seems to be a shortage of potential sugar babys who really want and need a reasonable allowance, I want my sugar baby to use my allowance to get her thru a difficult time, or help with schooling, It seems most are more interested in expensive clothes, purses, and trinkets.

Be_A_Starsays:

Hi Roxy,

Sound like it has developed into a SD/SB relationship, so maybe you need to just carefully mention this face to face and judge his reaction. You know him personally so only you will know his personallity. You need to use you own judgement on the man. Evidently he doesn’t mind giving you these small amounts of money when you ask and it must be uncomfortable have to make a request every month. So my suggestion is to sit down and have an all out chat about the kind of arrangement he wants to have with you, what he would be will to give you, especially as he is requesting you leave your job. Point out that to live you just can’t up and quit, unless he is will to help you financially on an ongoing basis. What he pays his ex is neither here nor there and I’m sure if he’s a good man he won’t worry about that part. Be gentle but honest. Alway remember though you didn’t evidently enter into the relationship looking for a SD and if he offers less than you need or get upset with what your saying just tell him you only mentioned it due to the fact he’s asking you to give up your source of income. You would be happy to keep seeing him without a regular allowance, but he can’t ask you to quit your job due to the fact you need to feel secure. My only word of warning is if you do like him and he likes you, your going to have to think very carefully on how you present this so he doesn’t feel like you’re offer an ultimatum of some kind. Make sure you first present him with how much you like him, appreciate everything he does for you and what you enjoy about your relationship. Then gently introduce what you feel is happening and what your needs are. You’ll know whether it is being taken badly or not. Please let us know how it works out.

Smiles Beth

Roxysays:

I have a guy I’ve been dating for about 6 months. I didn’t meet him on this site but he turned into a sd pretty quickly. Within the first two months he gave me a $10k check. I didn’t even ask for it and we hadn’t even had sex yet! Next month I asked for some spending money and he gave me a check for $2k. I wasn’t sure if I was asking too much of him but in another month and a half I again asked, simply, for a check. Next time he saw me, 2 days later, he gave me a check for $5k.

This was all so amazing and new to me. Now I am wondering how to ask for an allowance. I need more than $5k a month to live on as my mortgage alone is $3k a month. He keeps asking me to quit working (I work thru the weekend.) But I don’t know how long this will last, so I am affraid to quit. He is worth over $100 million. He pays his ex $20k a month. I would love to get $10k a month but I’m affraid to actually ask for a specific amount! I don’t go on spending sprees unless he takes me. I am trying to save enough money to feel comfortable leaving my current position. Help?

Lisa – that is crazy that a guy on a site like this would say they’re not interested in being a SD. are there really that many SD’s on here trying to fool the ladies into sex with phony affection? that’s pretty sad. this is going to sound unusual…but…I have left my encounters feeling less fulfilled when they include sex, than when they include affection and intimacy. Its been interesting that I’ve found sexual partners from the site (a very high percentage of even first encounters – should I be flatterred?) much more easily than I’ve found those who enjoy sharing intimacy. ideally, I’d enjoy both.

coolpix – I don’t have a set amount regardless. I do have a “maximum” in mind that’s afforable and that I’m comfortable with sharing. That’s different than a “set” amount I think.

HB – I agree with your point about if there’s chemistry, then other things should fall into place. that part of it is sooooo important. potential SD’s can read what you’re looking for. the serious ones will weed-out those who are looking for something over their maximum…so, when it comes time to talk about this…both sides should be nearly on the same page.

I have to agree with Coolpix…being upfront about ur expectations saves u akward moments later on…because once u get to know the person better and establish a friendship and all, is harder to bring it up, im sure for many sd’s that’s a turn off, but on the other hand u don’t have to be agressive about it, u can just u know talk about it, ask HIM his expectations, and tell him yours and that’s it, and if there’s chemistry he wouldn’t have to have a problem…I do think also that most SD’s have something already set in their minds rearding to allowance limits and all, so it could be good if they put it in their profiles but on the other hand sometimes u can’t really know the limits ur gonna have with someone till u know that person, same for SB’s u can start with an allowance thats is not crazy u know, and time will tell if everything goes well im sure ur SD is gonna be even more generous with u!!! …so either way could work to be honest i think.

HB xxx

coolpixsays:

southerngent/ddubs…..I can see what you are saying but I do have to disagree a little. I mean MOST of the Sd’s usually have a set amount of allowance they give to ANY sugar baby….and for sugar baby not to mention it in the first place it would be awkward later when you both discover that the “ideal” allowance is set. I met many fakes…but also real. Most of them had exactly a set amount regardless.

Lisasays:

One of the funniest things I have read on one of the sd’s profiles on this site is that if you are looking for a sugardaddy, he isn’t the one.???? WHAT is he doing on this site if he doesn’t want to be a sugardaddy? Also what is it with all the ladies on here looking for their true love on this site? They are setting themselves up to be used and taken advantage by some fake sd on here only looking for sex. They can lure the woman over with phony affection and not have to spend any money on here, kind of like the regular dating relationship thing that I personallly don’t waste my time on anymore. Attention guys, if you don’t want to be a sugardaddy, find another site to join, like one of those cheap free sites.

ppp1256says:

Great discussion: I usually like a have atleast one date before talking about expectations. Sometimes if the SB has to work so I might throw in an allowance to cover that. The “fakes” on both sides however are an issue.

Excessive expectations right off the bat is a turn-off but SDs and SBs could work up to something generous.

Thanks Stephan. I really appreciate your guidance in my first “experience”. I will let you know what happens.

PrincessCuddles: Thank YOU!

Here’s a post you might find a bit helpful (if you haven’t read it already):

I hope you continue to enjoy the blog Love the fact that your taking charge!

Mary: It is completely natural and healthy in my opinion to be a bit weary when exploring something that involves any kind of intimacy – especially when your being sought after this early in the game. We’re all here for you! Keep us posted — I don’t think your being overly paranoid, but rather smart.

Marysays:

Yes, Stephen i am personally looking for a no-strings long term mutually beneficial relationship and as i mentioned i met someone today and we spoke via IM very briefly. I guess i’m just a bit overly paranoid sometimes.

PrincessCuddlessays:

Wow, you guys are awesome!

chicbaby: thanks for your advice! i do want to safeguard receiving responses from fakes, so I guess that’s the best way to do it. so helpful, thanks a ton! so wise! 😉

ddubs: thank you so much, too! I never really thought that selecting the open option might appear like the workings of a “pro” (so to speak) who is really just a fake SB> very good insight, ddubs! (love your other posts, btw..keep them coming!)

mary & mia: I totally get where you’re coming from as I have the same concerns myself being new to this, but mary, I dont think many cops would be on here for entrapment reasons. I think there are terms & conditions of the site… but, I really do think that if you are truly concerned about the identity of the potential SD, why don’t you ask him point blank in a somewhat playful manner, “are you a cop, LOL?”…but if you dont feel comfortable doing that, why not feel his character out a little, and unlike an escort, you are not seeking a pay-for-play scenario. You seem very wholesome and Id doubt anyone would question that!

stephan: love your unfailingly amazing advice and blogging throughout the site! you seem so cool!

Mary: I understand why you may be concerned about the legality of an arrangement, but understand that this is not an escort site, and the site is not intended for sex workers or any other illegal use. Making a mutually beneficial relationship of the nature of those condoned by the site is 100% legal.

Are you personally interested in a No-Strings-Attached, mutually beneficial relationship?

Marysays:

I have the same concerns as Mia. I met a SD here today after signing up just a few days ago. I’m also concerned about the legality of this issue. How can i protect myself? I am a single parent looking to make ends meet, not to get arrested or who knows what else. How can i find out that this guy is legit and not some undercover cop on a sting operation?

Miasays:

Being new to this, I’m a bit concerned about the transaction. How do you receive the money without it being illegal? Also, in what form typically is the transfer made and when? This is all new and very exciting but scary for the first timer. Any help would be appreciated.

I would agree with chicbaby. As I mentioned earlier, I’m not going to pay someone 20K per month…or close to it…so, those with really high figures are eliminated right away for me.

I know you ladies keep referring to “fakes”…but, I would say that many of the SB “fakes” (and there are many), often fall into that “open negotiable” catagory. These are the ladies who usually ask to get cash for sex for that first meeting…the escorts of the site…unless its clearly stated what they’re looking for beyond money.

chicbabysays:

Princess: I’ve found tat by selecting a range I get fewer messages from fakes. They understand right away that I want an allowance, and if they aren’t comfortable with the amount they are less likely to waste my time!

PrincessCuddlessays:

A question for the sugar daddies and sugar babies: Is it wiser to select the “open/amount negotiable” option in order to attract a larger quantity and quality of SDs, or should I select a range? I wonder if it appears a bit too much of a turnoff to the prospective daddies if I choose an actual figure range.
Also, is it more attractive if a SB has a more detailed “About me” section (including personality traits, interests) or is a brief listing of keywords to describe herself ideal?
:):) Thanks in advance everyone! I love what i’ve seen so far on this blog! 😀 keep up the good work!

I agree with SouthernGent2 that if someone appears way too needy, that is a turn-off. That doesn’t mean the SD isn’t interested in offerring an allowance at all. I’m not sure, however, that someone needs to justify her request.

Some of the allowance requests are off the hook. Is someone really possibly worth $20,000 per month? That’s a quarter-million a year…tax free…(I assume no one claims this on their tax returns)

Also, when someone wants to talk allowance in the first message or two, that can be a turn-off also. I can read someone’s profile to see what they want before I contact them. They can also read my profile where it says that I’m more comfortable establishing something first. How can I (or any SD) agree on an allowance before ever meeting someone? If the potential SB doesn’t want to take the time to get to know me first, then I’ll move on to find one who will.

I know there are “fakes” out there…and, that’s made many a little jaded. That’s too bad. However, mutual trust is a huge part of this to me…and, that takes time to develop.

Also, I have reimbursed missed work time with potential SB’s for that first travel meeting. That only makes sense. Its just agreeing to ‘X’ dollars a month before meeting, or before knowing how often you can see one another just seems silly and not realistic to me.

SouthernGent2says:

If a sb wants a certain amount of allowance, she should be able to justify her request by saying what she faces month to month in terms of bills such as rent, car payment, utilities, etc. If she is somewhat up front about this, then I see that as a good thing. On the other hand, if someone starts right off saying she is in financial trouble, is in over her head, is desparate for help, then I am turned off by that.

coolpixsays:

Lisa…that man who wanted you to wear a certain brand is crazy! he probably is a fake anyways….and always becareful….I always feel like an SD should take the time out to come see you especially like u know have a job or what not!

coolpixsays:

I completely agree with Brandy!

coolpixsays:

Hi everyone! I honestly think you should be upfront of what YOU expect! especially you ladies. MANY of these sugar daddies usually have a set amount for ANYBODY. this one sugar daddy offer me $700 a visit for a weekend (including expenses paid for food and maybe a little more for shopping) and he was only able to see me like 2 weekends out the month. So be upfront. Some SD’s are more giving or what not….not too many men on this site know about a real sugar daddy is. it will take longer…and if you want are looking to get an allowance u need to let them know…but i know some ladies just want their dinners paid and no allowance….but anyways…good luck!

Lisasays:

I have also came across men that want you to travel but are unwilling to replace the imcome you will lose from taking off work. These men need to take care of thier sb’s finances if she is to travel with them alot. Many of them want you to be able to travel anytime but how many of us (without we are 65+ or still being supported by parents) can afford to be out of work to travel without our sd replaces our income so we CAN travel with them anytime. One man wanted me to wear a certain brand of designer clothing (fine with me as I love clothes) but he wanted me to already have those clothes as he had no intention and taking me shopping for them.

It seems if you are upfront with your financial expectations, the men are weary of you, if you are subtle, they offer nothing.

Brandysays:

I tried being suttle about what I wanted and and all i found was fake people after my @#!%@!@@#. So now I am up front and that may turn some people off, but we all know what type off site this is and why we are here. I am seeking a mutually benifical arrangement, not a one night stand that leaves me feeling like a prostitute. I believe we should all know up front what we are getting our selfs into, and what is exspected of us. Be honest, you may get less results, but you may find the fewer people that do respond are more honest as well.

Lisasays:

I would like to know the answer to this too. I want to be direct but not to the point to scaring a potential sd away. Many of the guys on here don’t want a woman who is after their money for some odd reason they are on this site talking about what all they have.
I would find it hard to get involved with a potential sd without knowing what I am getting in return because I’m sure there are some guys on here looking for sex and nothing more.

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