Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Lying Eyeglasses

I’ve gone ‘up’ the magnification scale many times on the 2-for-$4.50 reading glasses I buy by the pair at the Dime Store.

In fact, last week I told myself that my next batch of Dime Store reading glasses would have to be 3.00 magnification.

My most recent pair of specs – 2.75 — just wasn’t any good. At first I thought my eyes were getting even blurrier. Then I decided that it was the Dime Store glasses that were at fault.

Everything was blurred. Impossible to read.

I cleaned the glasses with alcohol, bleach and epsom salt but nothing helped.

Finally I noticed a dark line low on the front of each lens. I reached for another pair of glasses and looked closely.

There! There was some writing. I thought it was in Chinese or something because I didn’t see so good.

Then I put another pair of Dime Store glasses OVER the first pair and my goodness there was some writing in genuine English.

The writing on the left lens said:

Ha Ha You Blind Old Coot

The writing on the right lens said:

You Need Stronger Glasses

I scrubbed each lens again with alcohol, then bleach, then vinegar, a quart of hot soapy water, then epsom salt. Nothing helped.

Then, inspired, I used my well-trimmed fingernails to scratch at the writing.

There was a clear —let me repeat, CLEAR — piece of plastic covering the entire lens.

I removed the plastic but I STILL had trouble reading. That was because I no longer needed magnification that high.

Too bad I had thrown away all of those weaker Dime Store glasses.

Well, my newest pairs may be too strong, but at least they’re sanitized.

It probably won’t take long for my eyes to catch up.

•••••

ANIMAL CRACKERS. I miscalculated on the amount of raw peanuts ‘my’ bluejays and cardinals needed to get through the winter.

My buds at Cash Saver found me a 50-lb. bag of peanuts. I dug out a large old trashcan from my storage room and the store’s 50-lb. bag overfilled it with peanuts.

That left me with about a quarter of the remaining peanuts still in the yellow burlap bag. I’ve been overfeeding the birds twice daily and still haven’t made a dent in the peanuts left in the bag.

I’ll bet this supply of raw peanuts lasts me (and the bluejays and cardinals) until next peanut harvest.

Wonder if there is a correlation between the peanut size the birds like and the magnification factor in Dime Store reading glasses?

•••••

BIG BUTCH GODWIN went to his eternal reward, last week. He split his youth growing up here and in Canada, but I remember him primarily when he came ‘home’ to be a patrolman with the Nashville City Police. From there he went away for awhile becoming an officer with the Arkansas State Police. He returned home again in the blue uniform. Then he became a criminal investigator with the ASP.

The state police formed an honor guard Monday for his funeral and burial. A final salute to a brother officer.

Always laughing and smiling, except when he was focused on his work. He was also happy when aboard his Harley, too.

I’m sorry he didn’t get to enjoy retirement longer before being called home, but I’m so glad I got to be around him.

•••••

WHAT ARE YOU giving up for Lent? A lot of Christians do this, but many Christians don’t think it’s important.

I do not judge.

I do pick out something to give up during Lent each year. I rarely find the personal character to go more than a day or so without whatever it is that I have given up. The devil just laughs at my weakness.

I used to try to think up things that would be easy to give up. Oneyear I decided not to put beans in my chili. That lasted exactly one batch. Well, maybe I’m foolin’ with you.

You have to admit it looks like I have good intentions.

Lent began this week on Ash Wednesday, the day after Fat Tuesday, also known as Mardi Gras. It ends Easter Sunday.

WORD GAMES. The twins: Fear and Loathing. Nothing good can be said about either.

•••••

HE SAID: “There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.” Jiddu Krishnamurti, philosopher

•••••

SHE SAID: “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” Wilma Rudolph, athlete