A must read for Arsenal Football Club fans from London to Detroit and everywhere in between.

January 27, 2014

Jose's Mum Never Loved Him

First off, more important than Mourinho acting a fool, is the news that Arsene Wenger looks set to sign an extension to his contract that ends this summer. Ivan Gazidis held a press conference to announce Arsenal's new sponsorship deal with Puma and, when asked about Mr. Wenger's contract status, was confident when replying;

“Arsene will be extending with us and at the right time we’ll announce it.”

While also stating that 'they' (the board, I'm presuming) were "relaxed and comfortable." Well, good. I'm glad that everyone is comfortable and the relaxed part is just a bonus. Carry one, everyone.

Something that's made me comfortable, relaxed and amused is what has become a running joke amongst all football fans (except Chelski fans, but they're idiots); the hilarious attempts from Jose Mourinho to play mind games with all the managers that pose a threat to his prophesied success as returning Chelski manager.

I've got to say I genuinely feel a little sorry for the rapidly aging Portuguese fella at the moment. Perhaps he thought coming back into the Premiership (the most competitive league in the world....) would be an easy task. Maybe he thought he would walk into Stamford Bridge, all the lights would be off and there would be a trail of rose petals leading to the board room, then when he walked into the board room John Terry would be laying there, naked on the 24 foot boardroom table with a can of vegan whipped cream and some organic strawberries with 'that' look in his eyes that say "welcome back, little man".

Clearly things didn't pan out exactly the way he'd hoped, and I'm sure seeing Arsenal sitting a top the table won't make things easier for him. He's reverted to making embarrassingly poor attempts at trying to psych out opposition players, managers and even referees. His latest comedic moment was when he claimed that Arsenal have an advantage because they get more time to rest between games. Wenger, the analytical, methodical statistician he is instantly replied with a study from an independent company that showed, over the last five years, Arsenal have had the least rest out of all top flight teams.

The fact that Wenger had to come up with these stats is ridiculous anyway. TV has been managing football fixtures for the last decade, it's nothing new, so if Mourinho has a problem with it why doesn't he contact Sky or, even better, just fuck off to a league somewhere in Uzbekistan where football isn't even on TV. But... then how would he get the attention he so eagerly craves? I demand that someone find his mother and interview her. I've got some serious issues to bring up with her regarding her parenting skills. To me, Jose Mourinho is showing clear signs of a child that lacked nurture from a motherly figure. Was it too much to ask for Mrs. Mourinho to just hug her son every once in a while? Because now, many years later we are burdened with the awkward attention grabbing antics of a man so clearly craving some parental involvement.

I can think of a specific instance back in December when Chelski beat Liverpool. A great result for the blue pricks, but when Hazard and Luis were being interviewed after the game he clambers into the frame to hug them and get some face time on TV. His flapping about on the sideline is comical at times as well. I'm convinced that if his second tenure as Chelski boss doesn't work out someone will create a reality show where he is the star. It's just a matter of time.

We've got Southampton today, then Crystal Palace Sunday, and then things get a bit more tricky with Champions League and some seemingly tough Premier League games providing the bulk of the February schedule. Nervous times? Nah, these are the times we live for as fans.