1) Who you end up speaking to when you call your brother and he won’t come to the phone.
2) What picks up the phone before the answering machine can get to it.

Your call has been intercepted by the spokescunt. Everyone is home, but nobody with any balls is here to answer your call. You can’t have the money because I am busy spending it. I know what’s best. If you have additional money for me to spend, please press one and the spokescunt will spend your money in the order in which it was received. Thank you for calling. Goodbye.

When a website has so many pop-ups, streaming video, embedded YouTube, Flash and cookie downloads that it freezes. Similar to not being able to *log out* because your server keeps dumping spam into your inbox.

The boss is coming and this browser paralysis is keeping me from being able to close this damn porno window. I'm toast!

What you say to your cellmates in central booking when they explain to you why they don't belong there. I recommend you rehearse these words because they can keep you from getting your ass kicked if you ever get arrested.

Really scary woman: He was the one pulling on my hair but the only reason they arrested me was 'cause he looked worse than me after I busted him in the head with that fire hydrant.