GRIMACE JJL’S VIDEO GAME NEWS AND REVIEWS

Grimace JJL is the Swear All You Like Blog’s 1st regular Contributor! Show him some love (and some episodes of Felicia’s Day’s The Guild) and he’ll be your friend for life!

Monday August 2, 2010

First off, never forget you get what you pay for…

Sniper: Ghost Warrior

Let’s start with some, *ahem*, garbage. Even though I was somewhat looking forward to Sniper: Ghost Warrior– I ended up classically disappointed. Sniper held the promise of being the next great FPS– but instead it simply justifies its’ Bargain Bin Price of $39.99. (Yes, that’s the brand new price.)

To snipe or not to snipe... An EASY question to answer with Sniper!

Sniper had the potential to give the gamer a fantastic experience– just like the sniper levels in the very impressive Call of Duty: Modern Warfare– but jacked up a notch… Because Sniper lets you snipe enemies for the entire game.

To be blunt: labeling Sniper a “cheap knock-off” would be a compliment. Bad AI, last generation graphics and uninspired game play make this bargain-priced title a great candidate for an even lower price– in the clearance aisle. Check out the full GameTrailers review here.

StarCraft II: Wings of LibertyRecommendations

Is your PC up to snuff? Mine isn’t! At long last, the game StarCraft fans have

Some of the hot action in StarCraft II

been waiting for since 1999– StarCraft II– is almost here! I’ve had my PC since April 2004 but it looks like StarCraft II might just get me to break the Piggy Bank on a new PC… Even before the onslaught of the yearly day-after-Thanksgiving retail sales day Americans call Black Friday. (Maybe I’ll just buy the new PC in August and get a new graphics card during Black Friday… That way I’ll feel like I saved some cash.)

StarCraft II looks like it will pack a nice graphical punch without taxing most consumer’s personal computers… So, what are you waiting for? As the Marine infantryman in Starcraft would say, “Go! Go! Go!” (And then tell me if it’s worth buying a new PC for!)

Excitement, Thy Name is Xbox 360 Slim

Priorities must be set.

First, I need a new clothes dryer. The one my family purchased in 1995 is more efficientat noise pollution than drying our clothes. Second– as mentioned above– I need a new PC. Although one of my best friends commends me for being “green” and saving the planet, I can assure you that it isn’t my intention to save the world by keeping my old ass computer! I’ll just have to save the Earth some other way.

OH MY! Look at all those PORTS you have!

Now onto the topic: The XBox 360 Slim with the Valhalla chip set. What do I do? This baby has built-in wi-fi and also has an ethernet port for those who don’t like wi-fi (watch IGN’s comparison here). The Slim also packs 250 GB of RAM, has less power consumption–and fully supports third-party flash drives! No more carrying hard drives back and forth when you can just slap in the flash drive hanging from around your neck!

Insideman wants a story about me trading in my Xbox 360 Arcade with the Jasper chipset (which I’m very happy with) for a Slim. Unbeknownst to him, one of our gaming cohorts mentioned that there will probably be a Xbox 360 Slim “Holiday Bundle” showing its’ face on Black Friday… So it looks like Insideman will have to wait until after Thanksgiving for that story! (Sorry, Bud!)

As for trading in my Arcade– I’ve got a junior high-aged cousin who wants a 360 but my Aunt staunchly refuses to pay for a brand new machine. I figure I’ll grab a 120 GB hard drive and package it along with my Xbox Arcade and sell it to him for $200. That $200 will be about 66% of the 360 Slim’s price– so I will be good to go. But for now, I need to find some good deals on dryers and a brand new PC. (Any suggestions?)

Green Lantern? More like green jello or…

Apple flavored fruit roll-ups!

And the award for the Worst CGI goes to...

That’s what I think about Green Lantern looks like in his new suit. I think everything but the ring looks terrible. So terrible that I decided to interrupt my first SAYL VideoGame Column to talk about a movie costume!

Seriously, GL’s horrible threads almost make Daredevil’s new abomination look decent. I’m really at a loss for what else to say. I like Ryan Reynolds and I’m sure he’ll do Green Lantern justice– especially with his humorous acting style… But this high fructose corn syrup based suit may make the Green Lanternmovie look more like an inadvertent comedy than a thrilling action film… and Warner Bros could end up a box office dud. (Especially considering the massive cost involved!)

At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Producers of the supposedly upcoming, much rumored Superman movie end up consulting with Lady Gaga’s fashion designer for the Man of Steel’s new look!

Sony still playing “Catch-up” with their Failure Fries.

Something’s truly wrong when an older American video game system– known early on for acute hardware failures– is still beating the Sony PS3 on the worldwide sales charts. No surprise– Nintendo’s Wii is still way ahead of everybody. They’re also finally catering to the hardcore market with new Zelda, Metroid and Donkey Kong games– plus a Goldeneye remake later this year. And don’t forget that these likely blockbusters all follow on the heels of the best-selling Super Mario Galaxy 2, of course.

There’s no way Microsoft or Sony’s hardware sales can catch Nintendo in this generation– even if no new consoles emerge until 2015. Second place is still up for grabs… And with Sony slowly lowering prices and adding more features– they may finally get us “Wii60″ (Wii/360) owners to buy a third console. I know I won’t jump until they put full PS2/PS1 compatibility back into the machine. There’s no way in Hades I’m going to let a PS3 Slim and PS2 Slim share the same shelf space!

Have you been watching The Legend of Neil?

Neil is like a real-life Link... If Link were a loser.

No? Then get to it! This web series is exactly what you’d expect to get when a man in his 30’s becomes Link from Legend of Zelda. Unfortunately for Neil, he’s such a loser in real life– he can’t even manage to keep his gas station job! (Wow. Should have gone to college, buddy.)

Anyway, Neil plays Legend of Zelda on his NES (can’t afford WiiWare with gas station pay) gets drunk and ends up becoming Link in-game! That’s all I’m going to say for all of you “TLoN” virgins. Just know that Sandeep Parikh (aka “Zabu” from the hugely popular web show The Guild) created and directs– and the series features The Guild creator/star Felicia Day as the fairy who replenishes your health… But only by having sex with you. If that isn’t the ultimate video game nerd male fantasy then I don’t know what is!

and most powerful superheroes? Marvel experienced an EPIC FAIL moment when they pulled their license from the MMO that eventually became Champions Online. Hopefully, Sony learned from their Star Wars Galaxies mistakes and will ensure that their upcoming MMO brings DC Comics’ Crisis on Infinite Earths to life– with the proper gravitas it deserves… The Justice League deserves it and long-suffering fans of current MMOs deserve it too.

Why am I such a GameTrailersnuthugger? It’s simple, really. I no longer have as much time to peruse the internet as I’d like.

Grimace JJL likes them! He REALLY likes them!

School, family and social responsibilities take up the majority of my life so I need a website that gets to the point and gives me video news updates in five-to-ten minute bursts.GameTrailers does that.

Instead of having to surf and read through a bunch of crap to get a little bit of information, I simply have to click on one of GameTrailers superbly produced video clips and my news is there. Period. The internet is now my television– in addition to being my digital newspaper.

GameTrailers has most everything I need to satisfy my electronics-related entertainment fix. I hope you discover and enjoy this very cool site. For all of you old-school people still watching television, GameTrailers also has a weekly show on SpikeTV every Friday night. Check your local listings to see why GT has blown past many other gaming sites in both content and quality!

That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading my very first installment. I look forward to hearing what you think.