Poll: Have You Moved or Would You Move for Love?

New Here? Welcome! Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me here, peruse the archives here and read popular posts here. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected] (be sure to read these guidelines first). Thanks for visiting!

In the recent article, “Moving for Love: The Modern Relationship Milestone,” the author asserts that: “With employment prospects for twentysomethings in short supply and more couples delaying marriage, people are facing [the dilemma of moving for a partner] at a younger age, usually before they’ve made a legal commitment to one another. In fact, the decision to pack up and leave together could probably even be considered a new relationship milestone, falling somewhere between ‘cohabitation’ and ‘engagement’ on the seriousness scale.” I’d also add that in this era of online dating and the ease and convenience of long distance communication (texting, emailing, FaceTime, Skype, etc.), more and more people are meeting and dating across bigger distances than ever before and are ultimately facing decisions about whether to move for love.

I myself have experienced the moving-for-love scenario twice. The first time was when I was 24 and my then-boyfriend moved with me from Missouri to Chicago. We’d been dating less than a year, hadn’t lived together yet, and didn’t really have any illusions of being together forever or anything. I mean, I don’t think either of us was thinking we were necessarily destined to not be together; we just weren’t really thinking further ahead than moving to a new city and having an adventure. I was already planning to move when I started dating him, and he said he was up for a move, too, if our relationship was serious enough by the time I left to entertain the idea of us going together. And it was and we did. The relationship didn’t last though.

But then a few years later I met Drew, who lived over 800 miles away in New York. We did the LDR thing for a year and a half, and then I moved for love. I was seven years years older than when I moved to Chicago, wiser, and more invested in the future of my relationship. This time it worked out — we’ve been a couple for eight years next month and married for 4 1/2 years now.

Anyway, I was curious about how many of you have experienced — or have considered — moving for love. I get so many letters from people asking whether they should move for love, and I know many of them do. So, if you have, are you glad you did? Did the relationship(s) last? Did you like where you moved? What kind of effect do you think building a new life in a different place had on your relationship? For me, it was such a test — at least the second time around. I sacrificed a lot to move to NYC, where I hardly knew anyone and didn’t have a job. It was a really tough transition and it took a toll on my relationship at first. But committing to a certain amount of time here and relying on — and getting — great support from Drew brought us a lot closer and helped solidify our bond. But, what was YOUR experience? Poll below:
[polldaddy poll=”7967904″]

I never moved for love. I planned on moving for my college boyfriend (we were LD), but we broke up before it came to it. I wouldn’t have been happy in Michigan anyway, so I’m glad I didn’t end up making the move.

I did, 5 months into my relationship with Mr. Grass I moved 3 hours to live with him. Obviously, no regrets! I moved from a town to a much larger city and it was a big adjustment for me. It was a hard pill to swallow that if I wanted to be with him forever that I wouldn’t get to choose where I live (he wants to stay at his job until he retires) and it took me a few years to really be okay with that. Now though I love where I live.

“It was a hard pill to swallow that if I wanted to be with him forever that I wouldn’t get to choose where I live”. This is me! Right now! I mean I’ve always known that about my fiance’s job and company. But he moves around a lot. So it’s learning to love a lot of different places and trying to make my own career on top of that. I was actually crying over this last night because we’re moving within the next 2-3 months but we don’t know where and we don’t know when. So that’s really stressful, and most of the time I’m fine with it, but sometimes the uncertainty of it all can seem crushing.

Yes, it’s not as hard for me because I don’t have a career. I found the certainty of it to be the hardest, probably because I was 19 at the time and didn’t want to make a decision of where to settle down so early. I couldn’t deny what a great match we were though!

This is my life too. Luckily right now I can work from home, but it may be harder in the future. I try to embrace the uncertainty of it. We know we’re moving in about 14 to 18 months, so I’m making a “FL bucket list” of stuff we need to do before we leave. It helps me stay excited about now, and not totally stress over the inevitable cross state move to who knows where.

Llama Guy and I got engaged after just 6 months and everyone – our friends, families, even some of his coworkers who’d met me – said they knew we were on the Forever Train right from the start. We didn’t need the validation but it sure was nice!

I’m starting to think that the really random downthumbs (like the ones on posts where you go, “What could possibly be objectionable about that?!”) are probably just trolls. You don’t even have to be logged in to thumb up/down, so they might not even be a regular.

I think most of them are trolls. But then when I announced my new job I got like 8 downthumbs, so maybe not? I try not to take it personally, but damnit, affirmation affects me a lot! I just gave a lot more money to a homeless guy than I normally do because he said I was pretty.

I stayed in my city because my fiance (boyfriend at the time) *might* get a project here. So I guess I stayed put for love instead of moving. And he did thankfully. I was unemployed for longer than I wanted to be because I had to limit my search to this area. But he moved here about 6 months after I started my FT job and it worked out!! We were long distance for 3 years before the move. I would not have moved for him unless we were engaged. I mean if you would move for a job why wouldn’t you move for love? Which is more important?

I didn’t realize that’s why you were in the area! In a weird way, as much as I love DC, I think I’ve stayed here the last few years because of Banano, too. Right before we started dating, I was itching for a change — I love this area and my whole family is here, but I want to experience living other places eventually, too. Plus, all the big publishing jobs are in NYC, so looking for a move upwards/sideways into editorial (where I really want to be) would basically necessitate a move. But then I started dating Banano and realized he was worth sticking around for. He wants to move around and try new places too (including NYC), but we’re just waiting for him to finish school. So, like @Kerry, I didn’t move for love, but I stayed put for love, and haven’t regretted it.

yeah I guess I am sort of sticking around where I live now for my boyfriend, like if we broke up I probably would look into a move sooner than later. I think this is different though, because I am happy where I am and enjoy living here, but I guess he is a motivating factor in why I am planning to stay once my lease is up in July.

Yeh I mean I was here for grad school…but if it weren’t for him I would’ve gladly moved almost anywhere for a library/archives job. But luckily I got one here that I really like. So if we broke up I’d probably stay in the area just because of my job.

I actually quit my full time salaried job to move for my boyfriend (now husband). (They ended up offering that I would work from home, score!) I think there are probably people who would move for work and not love, and that that’s okay. People put different values on things.

I’m not sure if we qualify, we moved for my job and my husband agreed to come along. We’ve only been here a little over a year. I would have moved for him had he decided to go career in the USMC but the relative short time he was out there didn’t seem feasible for me to move at that point.

I’ve never moved for love, but I would consider it. It would depend on circumstances, obviously. Slightly related – I really want a relationship like my parents’. They’ve both made sacrifices for each other and they always consider big decisions equally.

I just want to meet someone new. I’m tired of my ex and my FWB and I just want to date and flirt with someone and have that feeling of falling in love again. It eould just be nice to know that I’m attracted to more than just the two guys I’ve been with. Sigh.

I probably will, soon, but I go back and forth on whether not I want to stay single or be in a relationship again. I think I would only want to date if it was someone that I really like. And the relationship would have to be a lot easier than my last relationship. I mean, I know relationships are hard, but it was just too hard and too much work. I’m not ready to settle down yet, either – but you never know what will happen

Side note, I wish you could respond to individual people’s comments on the mobile website!

It sounds like you’re describing me, about six years ago. Gradually I learned that you only find out if you “really like” someone if you’ve been dating him for a little bit — and, before that, if you were open to the idea of giving someone a chance to impress you. It sounds like you kind of hope that you’ll fall in love with a friend — which is fine! Nothing wrong with that. But it’s also kind of a long shot…friendships take a long time to develop, and if you’re attracted to the guy from the get-go, there’s also the question of why not just make your move right away, etc. Ultimately even if you wind up dating a friend, it can’t hurt to get a little “dating practice” with other guys — even ones that don’t give you the bolt to the heart feeling the second you see them. Then, one day, if you find yourself “really liking” that guy that you’re already best friends with, you’ll have the confidence and experience to approach a relationship head-on. (This all is, assuming, you decide you want to seek a relationship. What I’m saying is, if you do decide to seek a relationship, you need to be okay with the idea of dating around before you “really like” someone.)

I get what you’re saying, and you’re right. I do think I’m open minded to dating, I’m not looking to fall in love with a friend. The two guys I’ve loved, I wasn’t friends with them first. I did meet them through friends so that’s probably similar. I think it’s more like, I’d rather meet someone in person. I’m trying the whole online dating thing, and it just isn’t really working for me. But I’m okay with being single until a cool guy comes along. Until then, I’ll just keep making out with random guys in bars. That’s pretty fun!

But also, I’ve only had one relationship really, and that moved really, really slow. So I’m used to that, and I’m not sure how moving faster would feel to me. But I guess it’s one of those things that you just don’t know until you try!

i was dating a guy in university and we both decided to do our PhDs at the same University…..i started having serious doubts a few months before the big move…..the final nail in the coffin was living together….it was horrible….within weeks we had broken up….i moved out and we fought for the next four years every time we ran into each other

I moved to be closer to a boyfriend and it crashed and burned. Honestly it was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made because my gut (and best friend) told me not to do it but I did it anyway. We both got job offers in the middle of nowhere in towns about 80 miles apart. We were going from 300 miles apart so this was actually an improvement. When we talked about it and I told him I didn’t want to live there and wanted to stay put, he told me he didn’t like how close I am with my family because I put them before him (seriously WTF). I did NOT want to live with him despite the fact that he wanted to. I’m really glad I stuck to my guns on that. Anyway. I had so much anxiety and depression about my job and about the relationship. Then we broke up and I was miserable and lonely and far away from the people I truly cared about (500 miles). So I got through the school year, quit my job at the end of the year, and moved back home. I now have a job that I love and I live where I want to live.
.
I know that I won’t move for love ever again because of that. I know deep down I won’t be happy moving far away from family and friends and I love where I live. It’s something I can’t and won’t compromise on in a relationship.

Same here. I moved away for grad school and it was just 12 months of severe depression, crying, anxiety attacks. I will never leave my city again. It’s just way too important to me to be close to my mom, my brother and his wife and my two best friends. Especially now that I have a job that I absolutely love and am very passionate about.

Thankfully, my boyfriend says he would never even consider leaving our city either.

I’ve never actually tried to move for love, or move for anything really. I know its dumb to say “I would hate it” if I haven’t actually tried it, but I say that about shrimp too, so whatever.
I just like being near family and especially want Lil to be around family. If I ever would consider it, it’d be a place I know I already like and wouldn’t move til she’s out of the house.

I moved for love! 900 miles away from everyone I knew, to college town in NCFL. We where dating at the time of my move, but have since gotten married. So, yes I’m very glad I moved, yes we’re still going strong 6.5 years together and 3 years after I moved, and no I don’t particularly like where I moved. But it’s temporary, and I think it’s very valuable to live in different areas. We’ve learned so much about our country and ourselves from living in a variety of places. I don’t think me moving really had an effect on our relationship, other than releasing the “pause button” so to speak. During the 3 years long distance we sort of put a hold on things like getting engaged because we felt we needed to live in the same town longer. We’re both pretty co-dependent so my lack of a social life isn’t an issue day to day. Over all I’m super happy I moved and would totally do it again. (But I wouldn’t get my own apartment. That was dumb.)

“Yes, I’ve moved for love.” First, I did a short-term move for him. Then he did a mid-term move for me. Then we got hitched. Then we moved to separate states for (temporary) jobs, so I guess we moved for ourselves. Most recently, we moved to a place neither really wanted to live because we’d both have jobs at the same place, so this last move was for each other.

I said “no but I would move if I were really serious”, but even then, I’m not sure if I would. I’ve moved so many times to new cities on my own for myself that I’m not sure I could do it for someone else. I’m kind of sick of moving, but at the same time, I get an itch to keep moving new places. My husband and I both want to move within the next few years and we’ve both been talking about moving out west since before we were a couple. Both of us at times have thought about seriously moving west individually before we were married and wanting the other person to follow. I could have really good job opportunities there but ultimately I decided to stay and develop our relationship. I don’t think we would have worked out if one of us moved. He grew up here, I didn’t so I don’t mind the place whereas he wants a new change of scenery. And now, we’re looking forward to move there in the next few years and I’m excited to do it together and go through finding jobs and making friends together.

I moved for a relationship we didn’t even call love yet when I was 24. Basically we had first met in city A after he had said yes to a job in city B that was going to start in four months. So he invited me to come but I thought it was too early and him too much of a junkie so I said no and moved to city C to see what it was like there.

He kept inviting me to come live with him and I kept saying no while I slept in my sister’s couch and got a job in a strip club to see if it was anything like I imagined. But it wasn’t. So by the fourth night in the club I was already bored and looking for a way out and I called him and said “so… I’m getting on a bus in two hours. To go stay with you. Forever” And I did and he ran to me at the station and picked me up and spun me around while my boobs where still all glittery.

And then we partied a lot and I got a great job in tech and made my own friends and he couldn’t make his own because he was too wasted so he depended on me more and more every time, but I didn’t want to leave him because he had taken care of me when I got there with no money and no plan, so I kept going more miserable every time until he slapped me one night and made it too easy for me to dump his sorry ass.

I’m not proud of it, but I do smile to myself whenever I remember that year (1 1/2 year). And my stripper name was Luna and now you know it! And it’s like knowing a Time Lord’s name, so shhh.

I moved when I was already married, so I don’t think it counts. It was for my ex-husband’s job (military) and I definitely did NOT want to leave So-Cal with a 6 week old baby to a town in the south with no friends or family or support, but that’s how it went down. It was a big strain on us but I felt like we made it past that. I don’t blame the end of our marriage on us moving.

With my current boyfriend, I would move for/with him for sure. I’m not super attached to where I live right now and I think he’s worth moving for.

I strongly considered it and although I would have loved the city I was moving to, Charleston, I am so eternally grateful I did not transfer colleges and move to be with him as we broke up 2 months before the planned moved was supposed to go down and I was miserable getting over him for the next year, so living in the same city at that point would have totally sucked.

That said I *would* potentially move for love, but it would strongly depend on where the move was to be. Basically if it was somewhere I already wanted to go, I would move. If it was somewhere miserable (too cold, in the middle of the country (no offense just really not for me), certain places in the west coast, too much rain, etc.) I would not move unless I was engaged or married and even then…idk honestly it would really depend on location.

to add since I can’t edit–my current boyfriend and I have talked of moving to the same place together but independently, like we both want to move there eventually (independent of one another) and would be really happy there together or single. If we both decided to move in the next year or two I would be totally down for that, but it wouldn’t be because either of us *had* to move, more like we both just want to and it would be a great adventure with him I think. So if he were like I actually want to move to X next year I’d probably be like cool, lets do this.

Oooh ooh can you share where you want to move to? I’m dying to know!
.
Yeah, I’d have trouble moving to the middle of the country just because I’ve lived on the coast my whole life, and it would wig me out to be that far away from the ocean. I tried explaining that to Banano once and he went, “But it’s not like you go to the ocean shore every day, or even every week…DC isn’t *on* the ocean, nor is Baltimore…etc” I just explained that for me, it’s a mental thing — knowing it’s close, knowing I could get there in just a couple of hours if I really wanted to. When I visit friends in the Plains states, I just have this weird feeling. The horizon goes on and on and on and on and I just FEEL that there isn’t water there and it gives me the willies. I know that’s all really weird. I also grew up in mountains, so flatness is strange to me.

Asheville, NC. I have wanted to move there since I visited a few years ago and had a friend recommend it as my dream place in college-which, it is. Also yes-I totally get the mental block about moving to the middle of the country. I am technically land locked now I guess, I mean I don’t live on the water, but can be at the ocean or on the Chesapeake Bay in under three hours. I could never live somewhere flat though or where I couldn’t quickly and conveniently access the ocean within at least a day’s drive.

Asheville is…interesting. We have a lot of friends who live there and we have been there like 4 times in the past year. But we’ve only seen once side of the city (20 something post college) so, yeah, IDK. I would spend some more time there before moving!

haha it’s totally my scene but I can see how it is off-putting to people on the surface… I was there for over a week on two separate occasions and just the vibe of it is what I love. Super hippie/artsy/foodie/local and an insane music scene, also the climate has been ranked consitently one of the best in the US-all four seasons and mild winters (typically). Plus its location right in the mountains in my dream. The problem is the job market is really non-existent but I am one of those people who find location to be the most important in level of happiness, so could make it work.

Yeah, it’s a REALLY distinct mix of people. I don’t think I would be as happy there as I would in a lot of other places in NC. But the weather is fabulous. We where there in February and it was sunny and 65. And the beer scene is BEYOND amazing.

yeah and see I have been to Charlotte which a lot of people love and I really don’t like it there/could never ever live there. Its a cute place but just don’t get the same vibes there as I do in Asheville.

Ooo, I’ve heard such great things about Asheville! When the boyfriend was down in North Carolina that was one of the places we really wanted to go visit, but it never quite happened. Actually, I’m not that far away from it now, that might be a good summer road trip…

My fiance moved to be with me after I was relocated for work. We weren’t engaged at the time, but I do think that him moving really solidified the seriousness of our relationship and made me realize that, yes, this is the guy. We’ll be getting married next year, and hopefully we’ll be looking at a lot of happy years after that!

I picked is it Friday yet because this question is so foreign to me. You could probably put me in the “no fucking way” category. Mayyyyybe if I was married I would move for love. But then again I’d never marry someone that wanted to leave this state. Now if something really crazy happened like amazing can’t turn it down offer appeared on the table, and we were married, and the place we were moving too was at least as cool as Colorado, maybe, I guess. But I would only ever move it if was known we would eventually come back.

Whoops didn’t finish my thought. So I would never move for a boyfriend. Eva. But I get why people that are less attached to their state with a more flexible career are willing to do it. I’m not against the concept of moving for a boyfriend in general, but I’m personally against it, if that makes sense.

I moved from a great city to a sucky one for love. It’s worked out well, and the pros of living with him/being married to him far outweigh what I miss from my old city. I don’t really understand fixation on a specific city to the point of limiting your life in other ways. I understand proximity to relatives, and I wouldn’t want to move really far because of that, but not even three hours away?

But I do get staying in the same state for sure. Leaving Tennessee would be very difficult for us. He would have to take another bar exam, and it would take me forever to learn all of the state laws I need to know in another place. Our families are here, and I need to be able to take care of my parents if necessary. It would be a bitch to move out of state.

I can get the state thing when it relates to job difficulties (taking the bar, teaching licenses, etc like you list). But seriously moving from PA to NC to FL, I’ve gotten to experience so much and learn so much. So, yeah, I personally embrace the moving all over part of our life. A place is just a place, IMO.

Colorado is high on our list to visit! I think it’s awesome you’re so smitten. I LOVE Tampa and Philly, but I guess to me I can always visit. I don’t feel a huge draw to live anywhere really. I’ll let you know if that changes after a Colorado visit.

Hmm that is interesting. I would still have to be married to make that type of sacrifice, and I’m sure if it was short term and financially worth it, I could consider it. Especially if we were moving some place cool like Portland, Hawaii, somewhere cool in Florida, anddd maybe that’s it. Haha oh or North Carolina! I mean I’m not a totally irrational person, I could be somewhat flexible.

IDK if it is a specific city but a specific type of lifestyle that can only be had in certain cities. I need to live somewhere in the mountains but near the ocean, big enough to offer things I like to do :woodworking, pottery classes, lots of art galleries, a great downtown, access to the countryside, good local food sources, good music; but not too big that I feel all crowded living in a larger city like New York or LA or Houston or something. I would never move to a middle of the nowhere place for someone because my life apart from a person has to be just as full as it is when they are in it. Like if I moved somewhere that didn’t offer a lot of the things I need to be happy, I wouldn’t be able to hack it. I think a lot of people can and do but once you find the place that just fits and that you love, I can see not wanting to leave it.

I don’t think I could leave Texas. Not because I love it (although I do) but because I hate cold weather. I love the warmth and sunlight. But I think I could be open minded. Philadelphia seems interesting, I would probably like the Carolinas, Atlanta, Savannah, Colorado, maybe Oregon. Being close to my family is also nice. It really depends on the guy and our jobs and goals.

I’m really enjoying reading everyone’s stories! I’ve never moved for love but I’ve moved around a lot for grad school and work, and I’d be up for moving almost anywhere (I’d list the states in which I refuse to live but I don’t want to get a million thumbs down) with Llama Guy as long as I knew I could find a job.

List them! I won’t judge. As I mentioned above, there are lots of reasons why someone would prefer not to live somewhere. They’re not all ridiculous. That said, even despite my love of being close to the ocean, Banano and I have talked about how cool St. Louis is. So even people with strong preferences can be swayed!

I kept picking a fight with gf because I could potentially get an internal transfer to Utah, and she said she wouldn’t move with me to Utah. She basically has a vendetta against the state. And honestly, I wouldn’t want to move to Utah, really, either. My boss is from there, and it sounds gorgeous, but I just can’t deal with that much conservative religious influence.

It is so freaking gorgeous there. Like insanely pretty. And so under-populated considering how cool the outdoors are there. But um yeah the religious influence is way too prevalent. But honestly that mostly just affects the alcohol laws, and if I remember correctly your gf is kind of anti alcohol anyway right?

Yeah, gf drinks rarely. (I found out yesterday that she just tells people she doesn’t drink. I mean, it’s easier to say that than to list her drinking occasions.) My issue is more the Mormon anti-gay thing. (See also: my no-go places including the entire South, pretty much.)

My “no go” places are places that vote Republican. I need to be in a town that always goes Democrat *and* where religion is not in your face. So big cities (even big cities in the south) are fine, college towns are great, etc. But, take Atlanta for example – maybe Atlanta would vote Dem (I assume it does because it’s a big city) but when I was there for trial a couple of years ago, the religions thing was overwhelming to me. It was just there, in my face, always – everyone was all “I’m a Christian” “She’s a good Christian” “I’m a regular church goer…” – and I’m talking about the panel on voir dire. I don’t think I could live in a place where people were so “in your face” about their religion.

Cities in the south aren’t too bad on the anti-gay stuff. There are usually pretty strong gay rights movements in the cities here just like everywhere else in the country. Nashville has great gay advocacy, and a strong community of people who just accept and love everyone. Same with Knoxville and Atlanta. I can’t speak for other cities because I’m not as familiar with them, but the entire south isn’t anti-gay!

So, my parents just moved to Utah and they’re having a grand old time out there. I don’t think I would personally live out there because I don’t do suburban/rural and that’s pretty much the whole place. But some areas of the state (like Park City) are very liberal and there doesn’t seem to be an overwhelming amount of religious influence. I mean, my parents are a bunch of semi-retired Jews who go skiing or hiking pretty much every day (at least that’s what I imagine) and most of the town is filled with ski bums.
.
I actually just went out there with my best friend from childhood and her girlfriend, and by the end of the trip her girlfriend was looking up property to buy. I think it was more on the, I wonder how much it would cost to move out here more than a sincere interest, But still, they loved it and didn’t seem to encounter the negative stuff one associates with Utah. The religious influence is there, true, but it’s much less than you’d think.

As someone who moved (back) to Utah for love, I don’t regret it. As long as you can live in SLC, you’d be fine. It’s been named one of the most gay friendly cities in the west. And then we could have a DW meetup 🙂

I’d never want to live in the southeast because of the heat and humidity. I lived in KY and TN for almost 10 years and that was the farthest south I could ever go. I actually really miss KY but have no desire to go back right now. And I’m not crazy about the Midwest because it makes me feel claustrophobic. But I grew up in Alaska so nothing could ever really compare. Llama Guy and I are planning on staying in the Philly area until we retire to Vermont (in, like, a million years).

The humidity here is craaaazy. People really do not understand how humid Tennessee is. I can’t handle low humidity because I’m so used to it. My skin freaks out in dry places, so I probably couldn’t move somewhere dry.

ooh ohh! So I have radiators and it helps so much in the winter. I’m not used to forced heat anymore so I have trouble when I visit my parents in the winter. I get like hot flashes when the hot air is being blown out of the vents. So if you move north but somewhere with radiators, it’ll be better (plus you can put a pan of water on the radiator to make an insta-humudifier).

I don’t have a “never” list because GGuy has to take a job if it’s offered, butttttt I have a “I really don’t want to list”. Deep South (Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana), Ohio, anywhere north of PA, the Dakotas, Arizona, Idaho…any where that it snows more than 3 feet in an average year. Haha.

Honestly, because everyone I’ve ever met from there has been really weird and socially awkward. But maybe I should give it a chance. I’d also just generally prefer to be East of the Mississippi River so we’re close-ish to our families. But GGuy is super interested in Cali.

Um, I think it would be very hard to find like minded people. I think I’d be overwhelmed with the conservative religious mindset, and would have a really hard time fitting in. Also, GGuy studies the civil rights movement so I think it would just be hard to get a job there. He’s got a VERY liberal slant. I would consider a BIG city, but I also don’t want to live in the city so.

I would not be so sure about it being hard for him to get a job in the deep south. That’s where a lot of the civil rights movement took place after all! I can understand not wanting to be around the conservatives though.

Yeah, it would have to be the right school. (He also studies Chicago which wouldn’t be as relevant at say Auburn, you know?) Honestly we have ZERO idea what’s going to happen next year with jobs, I’m just hoping there are one’s for him to apply to.

My no-no states are the deep south, missouri, ohio, and anywhere in the midwest besides Chicago. Anywhere north of PA (I think he would have trouble with the cold more than I would honestly). I’d love to move anywhere out west and I’m fine in the mid-atlantic.

I always said I’d never live more north than PA, which is where I grew up, and now I love living near Boston. It may depend where you live but I lived near the Poconos and it is much colder there in the winter and often snowier than where I live now. My mom always tracks our weather up here on her phone app and complains all winter long that we’re either a little warmer or less snowy than my hometown. Now, western MA and most of Maine/NH/Vermont are a much bigger difference but lower New England and closer to the coast are similar to PA/NY weather.

I don’t think I have any no-no states. I find Texas kind of obnoxious, and all the girls there are hotter than me, so I probably wouldn’t like it. haha And I would prefer nowhere cold, but I’m willing to try anything.

I wouldn’t move to: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida (probably), rural Illinois, Indiana (probably), Kentucky, Mississippi, Nebraska (probably), Nevada, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina (probably), South Dakota, Texas (probably), Utah, Virginia (which is silly because I live five miles away now, but a girl’s gotta have her limits).
.
GF wouldn’t move anywhere north of Pennsylvania, so New York/New England is out, as is Minnesota/Michigan/Wisconsin. She had this thing about wanting to move to Wyoming, but I think she’s gotten over that.
.
If I were to move for work, it would likely be to Kansas City–it’s one of the areas gf and I can agree on, and it’s a major location for my employer. We have some people in Memphis, too, and that seems pretty appealing.

Moved after dating for 6 years, but it was more like we both moved. We both went to grad school in different places, but his was shorter than mine. He was willing to move to the city I was in for grad school after he finished grad school but his job search didn’t pan out. Then we decided on another city 2-3 hours away together, where he could find a job and I could finish my dissertation, then I would find a job. So I technically ended up moving for love, but in reality we both did moving-for-love ping pong.

The best and hardest decision of all of those, though, was choosing to go to grad school in different places. We both had great opportunities and made the most of them while we were apart, even if it meant choosing long distance for a few years.

I’ve never moved for love, but I’ve stayed for it. When I met my husband, I was about 6 months away from moving across the country and transferring to a new college (from WI to AZ – where I’ve always wanted to live). For a while, he considered moving with me, but ultimately we decided that would be extremely unfair to his kids who were 5 and 7 at the time. So instead of moving, I stayed put and 8 years later we’ve been married for just over 5 years.

Well I’ve never moved for love specifically, but I have had a boyfriend follow me to my home state after college for jobs we got, not planning to end up in my home state. I’m not sure which answer that falls under, lol.

Moving is fine though. If you don’t like it just move again!

We are probably moving downtown this year though, so I guess I’ll be moving for love at that point. My commute will turn into over an hour (when I’m not travelling) and he won’t have one. But I guess that would be “I’m increasing my commute for love” haha. Weirdly I am resisting this move even though living in downtown chicago will be the most amazing thing ever.

Yes I moved for love – 3 hours away from my hometown. It was HARD! I had no family, no friends, was job-hunting & my BF was traveling for work constantly, so I didn’t even have him around most of the time. I was miserable for a year or so. But, I made an effort to get involved in new activities that a lot of people I worked with enjoyed, like golfing & softball, & slowly it got better. We got married, had 2 children & were together almost 15 years. Then he left us. And I thought about leaving too, but this has become my home & I stayed. My friends are the family I chose & even my ex in-laws are still my family-away-from-my-own-family. I love it here& am glad I moved even tho the relationship is over. I would move again for love no doubt, well, once my kids are done with school anyway. I won’t uproot them at this point.

I’m inclined to say that, yes i would IF I could, if we were serious enough, however i refuse to move far away from my son. So i guess….at this point, and at his age, nope. I’d ask her to move though given that she didn’t have any serious obligations.

I moved to a pretty depressing town for love the month after I graduated college because my boyfriend of barely a year at the time found a great job, which was rare in 2008 because it was the height of unemployment and no one had a job. I was 21 at the time so I didn’t think about it at length, but I remember thinking why not? I love this guy, I had no job prospects of my own pulling at me, and if it doesn’t work out it, it will be an adventure and a lesson learned. Some of those 3 years in a town I didn’t enjoy living in were tough, but it never felt not worth it. I learned about myself, my relationship, and started to figure out my career path. I moved again in 2011, this time when we were engaged to a city I love and it worked out. Now, I don’t think that’s the case every time, and if people have big ties to family or a town it would be harder. To me, I had huge wanderlust so it just seemed more fun to have a partner in moving to and exploring a new place.

Do you think you would feel the same about the 3 years you spent in that [email protected] 21 if you and your now-fiance (or husband) had not worked out? J/w as I think for me if I moved somewhere I hated for love and then it ended up not working out, I would have more negative feelings than if I moved there, really didn’t like it, but was happy in my relationship.

Yeah, I think so. Separate from our relationship I learned how to live in an area made of people that for the most part held vastly different views than I did, which was eye opening. I also learned that I could find happiness in the little things even if everything sucked. I did a complete 180 and changed my career path based on a few things that happened there, so who knows if that would have happened otherwise. So, even if our relationship would crumbled, I still would have taken some lessons out of it and been fine with it. It would have been a pain financially and logistically to move somewhere else that I actually liked on my own, but that’s really the only thing I could think of. I was also younger at the time. At almost 28, I don’t think I’d be as open to it.

Yeah, I know. My bff from college is from there and her whole family lives there. So sometimes I’m glued to the weather channel. They haven’t had anything happen since I’ve known her. On the flip side…my parents had HUGE tornado damage in PA back in the 90’s and part of my in-laws subdivision was heavily tornado damaged 2 years ago. I guess my point is, weather happens everywhere.

I lived near chicago and moved to the middle of fucking nowhere. I got a phenomenal job offer in the town my boyfriend lived in (2.5 hrs south of Chicago), so I went. Then we got married. Then, after the tornado, we decided to get the fuck out of Illinois and just moved to Colorado like a month ago. Best decision ever made. Scary as hell though.

I like heat better than snow, I’m from Philly so I don’t think I could stand being so close to Pittsburg, OK has really good food, lots of cool out door activities. I live in the South now, and am pretty adjusted to a lot of southern life and I think I’d have a hard time adjusting to blue collar OH. Um, what else…I’ve been to OK (and not OH) so that makes it easier to envision myself there.

I visited Virginia a lot when I was a kid since I had family there and loved it! After living in eastern Maryland for three years a few years ago right near the Virginia border, I realized I couldn’t live there permanently though. Nothing that I could put my finger on exactly, just a feeling in general. Maybe not being near most of the big East Coast cities, which is a weird reason but I always pictured myself living in or right near a big city on the East Coast growing up. Also, my curly hair and dust mite allergies don’t work well in high humidity places so that eliminates most of the southern states right off the bat haha

Does it count if you’re married? Because He Pants and I will definitely probably move to a new city in 2014 if he gets a job offer. It doesn’t scare me as much as it did a few months ago. I grew up in CT and went to college in VA, and basically spent most of my time in DC and VA for four years after school. Then I moved to Philly. So if we did move, I know it’ll take time and I’ll cry because I’ll miss Wee Pants, but I’ll be alright. I’ve done it before. And He Pants is my best friend, so we’ll support each other.

Not sure if this counts either, but I promised myself (when I was 26) that I would never move out of Philadelphia (I was in Center City for 8 years), but I moved to the ‘burbs to be with He Pants two years ago. I guess I do count that because I loved living in the city so much and definitely came into my own during that time. It was a really huge step for me.

I am now a married lady of nearly 4 whole weeks, and my new husband and I talk about moving to the US (my home country) for a few years. This is of course a very different scenario than moving for a boyfriend/girlfriend, but it still kind of scares the bejeezus out of me.

On the one hand, I’d be thrilled to be closer to my family and in a lot of ways I think life would just be easier. But I’m also afraid that moving somewhere foreign to him (even though he’s spent some time in the US and has perfect English) would take a toll on our relationship. Since we met he’s been my rock in terms of understanding the culture, navigating government bureacracy, etc. and all that would be reversed in America. Plus, he’s literally never gone more than a couple weeks without seeing his parents, and I think it would be harder than he realizes.

We agreed to table this discussion until the winter and then really give it some serious thought. It’s not going to be easy though, I already know that!

I moved from Florida to CA for my husband (at the time he was my bf). We had only been dating a year and all of it had been long distance. It was a risky move – one that many friends and family members didn’t agree with – but thankfully it worked out. I always felt like moving was an adventure and that if things didn’t work, I would just pick up my stuff and move back. It was hard being away from family and friends, but it was also fun to explore a new city with my SO. P.S. He’s in the military so I’ll continue moving for love every four years.

I moved back to a home state (Utah) I hated for love. But, I went into it knowing that it was worth the relationship to move back. But, we decided not to live in the conservative town we grew up in, and instead moved together to downtown SLC, which was far more liberal than the conservative suburb I grew up in. And, I would do it all over again if I was given the choice. It amazed me how much more I enjoyed the state when I got to live in the neighborhoods I chose, when I made friends who were like minded, and even managed to find a liberal work environment.

I’ve only been to Denver a handful of times, but I think I’d love living there! My brother loves it and will probably never move back to the east coast. I also dream of moving to a smaller town in Colorado, like Carbondale or Glenwood Springs, and being a kayaking instructor.

I’m getting ready to move me and my 3 children nearly 2300 miles to where my boyfriend lives. His mother has been all for it and ready for us to get there! Until recently, for some reason. She put her own “poll” on FB asking whether she should “allow” her son to even be with me! He’s an adult!
We’re both set on being together, no matter what anyone says! My children approve of him completely! They like him better than their own father! We’ve been together about 6 months now. We’ve discussed marriage and children. His mother has practically begged me for grandbabies!
I want this LDR to work out perfectly! Especially when we do FINALLY come together in October! But I’m becoming uncertain of how strong his mothers influence will be on his side of things if I don’t get there soon. She’s becoming antsy.