Sunday, 13 November 2005

a peice of crap

Today, was supposed to be a /..i describe it as great day for me.. i went to sunday service after a vry long time..( a few months..err..3 or 4 i think)i got to meet my frens .. which was great..i even set my alarm so early so i had time to prepare-6 am..but i woke up at 7.45 instead...haha...this means that i hav to change my alarm again.was waiting for winnie to come .. cuz she said she’ll drop by my house ..and we’ll go together.. but at last she smsed me n said that she;s not going..coz of some thing came up.**...so i went n meet yen there..after the service,we(me n yen) went for breakfast together.. wow..i cant believe that finally i got the chance to go out wit her..she very seldom go out wit frens..thats y im surprised..hmm..came home n watch tv.. err.. online for a while..play games..waliao.. i dowmload the wmp but in the end say kenot... waste my time and moneyy onli lar.. need to dl again some other time..then around 6pm went to s lee house..for a keng gai session.. haha.. just go there to talk n hang out lar.. nothing much...since im so bored at home y not i go out for a while...its when im about to go home the nightmare starts...***i recieve a call from my mum..she ask me to go n stay in penang for a month.. ONE MONTH.. can u imagine that.?? I cant even stand a week with her...(i went for a holiday with my family in aust for one week..alreasy cannot stand her..)wat bout one month..?? she wan me to join a tution there..add math tution...sometimes i think that they r just too concern..i need my own space..y don u give me some time..?? it was getting dark... but i stayed at s lee house for a while..deciding whether i wanted to kill myself on the way home or just go home..i went home safely..im still alive..and it was really dark..watch tv.. and had dinner. My house fon rang and my grandma ask me to answer it... thinking that it was my mum, i shouted hello into da fon..haha...it was really fun doing it..altho its really kurang ajar..wanted to do it for so long edi...but so tarok.it wasnt my mum..it was my grandaunt from aust..i wonder if she got heart attack anot..haha... then another call came thru and it was for me...yay!! din get a fon call that;s really for me in a reallly long time...guess wat..it was aunty hc .. myf caunsellor...she told me that she was looking thru the myf camp form n din c my form..and she din c me in myf for a really long time..onli saw me once that day...a few weeks ago..she ask me whether i want to go for the camp and inform her tml..once da fon was putted down i told my grandma who called and the reason..i realise something,,i had to ask my parents abotu the permission...i told myself last time that i don wan to talk to them much.. haiz.. dunno wat to do... till now.. i cry wanna 2 hours d le...cry coz i don wanna go penang...i rather die than going there for a month..and ,,also.. i donno how to ask permission..haiz....im so in trouble now..just now came in here ( this room) and hide here..till my grandparents bcome suspicious and keep asking me y im in here..i told them i wan to sleep .. i know that i lied.. but i don wan them to worry so much about me...they had sacrifice more than enough for me..i don wan to be their ‘beban’ anymore..now is 10 pm edi.. i smsed my mum at 9.30 pm( after a really long time of crying i finally had courage to sms her)..to ask her the permission...but its already ½ hour..she’s not going to let me go..Its bcoz of her i stop going to church..attending myf meeting and also sunday service..i knew that it is very wrong to skip any of those for such a long period of time.. but i keep coming up with excuses...im supposed to join in las year’s camp.. its in cameron Highlands..ive paid and the time for the camp drew closer... sudddenly she ask me to tell the person in charge that i want to out..she suddenly say im not allowed to go...since then i had .. sort of given up..i give up in going to church..give up in studeis n almost everyhting..i don understand y i did that..,I had no confidence in everything..but thank god... he has given me the most wonderful and understanding friends i could get...he sent them to be my classmates..then we became the very best of friends...we stand by each other when one of us was in need..i couldnt say more...they were like the angels that god has sent to me...synn n ying... i wanna thank u both for being wit me in the times of need.,.. and also s ping...u are my ‘oldest fren’..i know u for..about 7 years now?// thank you for replying my message...and all my other frens...really thank u verrry much...knowing u guys r just wonderful...thank you for bearing wit my HOT temper..my bad beheaviour.. and all da dark sides of me....i donno wat God has in store for me tml but im ready to face it....at least i think i am..