Thursday, September 25, 2008

Well, I just did a Google search of the phrase "spiritual bulimia" and found quite a few different blogs and sites with some kind of discussion or monologue about the topic. I hadn't really thought of it as a common thought, but when have I ever really come up with something all that unique as a way of wording things? (Although my statement of "emotional vertigo" as an affect of change in one's life seemed to impress my prof and peers the other day in Leadership & Administration..."

Anyway... my thoughts on this topic that I have found is less than original...

It seems that as Christians we are satisfied with our spiritual bulimia. We like to go to church on Sundays and Wednesday nights and gorge ourselves with spirituality, and God's presence, and the feel good "eat dessert first" praise and worship times. But, to me, it feels like there is something wrong; something missing. It seems that we are happy with our heavy spiritual meals once or twice a week, which may be filled with more junk food than we realize. Which makes me question in my own life: "What is missing in my 'spiritual diet'?"

What makes a healthy spiritual lifestyle? I have experienced times of spiritual dehydration, and lately have become increasingly thirsty for the Word, and for the Spirit.

Do we, as Christians, really have a healthy lifestyle? We go to church on Sunday, and maybe Wednesday nights, but other than that, how often do we really spend time in the Word, or in God's presence, or in prayer? Those are the "health foods" of Christianity. They are what keep us going! I have found myself lagging and dragging in my spiritual walk when I neglect these things!

I have also been wondering lately, how much do we hear in the Christian songs on the radio about God's power, but we do not see it in our lives? I have thought about that lately, since I do listen to "CCM" (Contemporary Christian Music, however horrid that some people think this genre is...). Some of these songs talk about seeing the sick healed, the dead raised, and broken hearts put back together! These songs are powerful! But I wonder who is going to "dive in" or be a "history maker"? We call on God in these songs to "rain down" His Holy Spirit, and to "touch our generation". But is He going to reach down and touch us if we are just singing these songs one time, with hardly any thought to what we are saying or asking? If we are not persistent in our devotion to Him we will continue to just seek His presence on Sunday mornings and forget about Him the rest of the week.

I only say all of this because I myself have not been spending as much time in prayer, or seeking His presence, or living out the Kingdom of God here on earth. In fact I have done a marvelous job at just the opposite it seems. I have become frustrated and jaded with church life and in relation to some people within the church in general. Maybe that's just what comes with a summer of being in ministry with other humans... who are just as faulty as I am. I have been doing more complaining than praising. And it's getting on my nerves.

So what is my point? I could go on forever with examples of the ways I have fallen short of living life how I believe that Christ calls it to be lived. The only thing I can do is humble myself in day to day worship... In living out my life for Christ. I am still trying to figure out the whole "living out the Kingdom here on earth" thing. I feel like it is sort of like living in the "Matrix"... like the next to last scene where Neo is shot, but not killed, because the Matrix is greater than the physics of the "real world" that we see. Such is Heaven when compaired to earth. I believe that when Paul said "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me", that he meant *all* things... Now the question is, "How do I live this Kingdom life here on earth?"

I have too many thoughts in my head right now to get out... I have one topic that I want to post on... but haven't had the time to do so yet...

Spiritual Bulimia: The State of the Church Today (it sounds like the title of an article or book or something... i might flesh this one out later on tonight... coz i really want to put my thoughts down on this...)

And aside from that one topic... life has been frustrating lately. This whole week seems to have been one long headache. A dull throbbing that won't go away. Which is also what my head is experiencing at this moment... Too much stress? Too much procrastination? Too much lack of focus, for reasons I am still trying to pinpoint? I've been finding myself frustrated, ticked off, and generally not pleasant at the end of the day... or the beginning, depending on what or how much is due for classes on that day....

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I seem to be getting on this very long retro kick as of late. Not like it isn't something I haven't always been interested in. I love antique stores and going to yardsales and finding random old things that are so outdated that the people who have them don't know what they were for... and I do... which is the fun part... coz I'm a lot younger than most of the items that I have interest in.

Recently I have acquired some old Nintendo stuff, for pretty cheap. Today I went to a yardsale while stalling taking one of the girls from youth group home, because she doesn't like to go home after church. Anyway... at one yardsale I saw a Casio keyboard... No, not the large, full keyboard that musicians use... the little tiny one with miniature keys and 100 different tunes already ingrained into its tiny little memory. It had a sticker for $2 on it, and the yardsale was having a half off day. So it was only $1, which was good coz that's all the cash I had on me. I got it. I used to have one, or my sister used to have one, and it got lost somewhere along the way. Or it just broke. Who knows.

Is it odd that I have such an interest in retro things? Or do you think that that's just because it's "the thing" right now?

Now for a programme change... (obviously said with a British accent, because of the spelling of "programme")...

I am also extremely interested right now in photography. I think I have too many hobbies/interests... There are a million things I would like to do, but I haven't the time or the money to do them all. But today at church Pastor Jerrell spoke about the dreams and stuff that God has given you, and how to get to where you want to be by starting where you are. I guess that's what I'm doing. Photography and computers are more hobbies right now. I'm almost thinking that youth ministry is going to become a hobby later on if I end up finding a job in computers or photography, if I ever get that good at either. I really don't know what I'm going to do with this degree when I get out of here. Everything technical that I know is basically stuff I've learned along the way. Stuff I haven'd had classes in. Bits and pieces of information and know how that have gotten me through 4 years at the same campus job (Praise the Lord for that!). I'm now becoming the person who is specialized in updating computers and making sure they have the information on them that they need before they go out to the people who are getting them. We are all being given a specialty in the area where we are already most specialized. I am truly a "Jack of All Trades" here at work. I've done just about everything in my 4 years here, and only now am I getting assigned a specialty. It is not my most preferred one, but what can you do when you only work one or two hour shifts at a time. If I were here longer I might be able to do other things on a moer specialized level. But back to the subject at hand... I am going through some tough classes right now, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with all that knowledge once I graduate! I don't want to be a youth pastor. I want to work with youth. If I had my choice, it would probably be with a parachurch organization or something of that sort. I just do not see myself giving messages, and planning church events, and being the go to person for the youth ministry at a church. That's just not my thing. It's not something I'm interested in doing. I don't even know if I would want to work full time for a parachurch organization.

A lot of stuff is up in the air right now, it seems. I should just focus on my homework right now, and the very large papers and stuff I have coming up this semester. And yet I still question why I am putting myself through all of this. I would almost rather just work on computers or go take pictures around the world...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I'm finding myself in a stressful major that I have no idea what i'm going to do with, all over again.

I've randomly started to collect cheap Nintendo stuff for the old NES... I know my money would be better spent on other things... At least I think I already have an outfit figured out for Midnight Breakfast... Let's just say that I'm going to be raiding a Goodwill of their 80's clothing for my outfit... This is a first... a Midnight Breakfast outfit planned to some extent within the first month of school...

Spent some time with Jesus tonight. Journaled. Read. I was at SG so I didn't stay long, just because another wave of people came in for drinks and it got really loud.

Been listening to a station on Pandora lately that "sounds like" GlassByrd. It has a nice selection of music...

This weekend I plan on doing research for my big paper in Senior Sem. in YM. I'm still sort of in the process of narrowing down my topic... but it will have something to do with media or technology for sure...

I should probably go to bed soon so I can make it through tomorrow with a little less caffeine than today. I went to a movie last night with Amanda and Ruth. We saw Indiana Jones. It was fun. Afterwards we got Taco Bell and came back to my place and ate and chatted until Ruth had to leave. I gave her a head massage because she had a headache that she thought was a migrane, but then realized it was just a bad sinus headache. She's a nurse... so she was analyzing what I was doing when I was massaging her head. And she was amazed that it was working.... lol... I was glad to be able to give a massage... My two main clients are no longer close enough for me to just go over to their place and give massages... I don't think anyone in my house has found out that I can give massages... Hmm...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

SEW has been going well this week. I need to podcast the messages though, so I can listen to them again.

Classes are going. They have hit a pretty steady pace, that I have been trying to keep up with, but I keep lagging in my pace somewhat. I'll try to get things done and then when I walk into class realize I forgot something. I've also been very tired as of late, like practically falling asleep in my latest classes of the day, which I never get out of class until 4:00 or 4:30pm on any given day.

I have had to give up going to youth group on Wednesday nights just so I can get my Thursday homework done on time. My busiest days class wise are Tuesday/Thursday. Busy-ness wise, it seems that M-W-F are far surpassing T-R. Why? Well, I have Chapel, and work for 2 hours, then finishing homework before my one and only class for the day at 3pm.

I just got off the phone a little bit ago with my car insurance agency. I acted like a jerk, i think. I had not received a bill from them the last couple of months. The person I was talking to was like "Well, you know you bill is due by a certain date, and it's your responsibility to turn it in. The bill we send is complementary." A complementary bill? I was hoping for one that comes every time I should pay it so I have the form and all that, coz otherwise I don't know where to send it. So, I just moved money from my very low savings account to my extremely low checking account and paid the bill over the phone, so I can have coverage on my car now. I also asked them to send me the form for them to take the payment out of my checking account automatically. I just wish they would hurry up and set up an online payment thing so that I wouldn't have to deal with their antiquated system of doing things. But it's in the middle of Cornfield, USA, so what more can you ask for?

In the last couple of days three people have complemented me on my "cool bike" that I have been riding around campus. Honestly, I thought it pretty ghetto. The seat doesn't match the bike in any way, and it slips when I have my backpack on so that the front of the seat goes up and the back goes down which is slightly awkward to sit on when riding. Of course I end up standing up on it most times while I'm riding, just coz I feel more stable when standing... for some really odd reason. I still wish that I had my old/new Huffy beach cruiser that I got for my birthday or something when we lived in Griffin. I like the beach cruisers with the curved handle bars and coaster brakes and comfortable seats much better than a speed bike with hand brakes. But I will take what I have right now.

I don't have much else right now... to say... or just in general. I've got nothing.

Monday, September 8, 2008

It's that time of year again. Spiritual Emphasis Week. God is already doing some crazy stuff on campus through the speaker we have this year: John Vermilya. He is speaking hard truth to this campus, and it is getting a response.

Be praying for the campus, for open hearts and open ears, and for protection against spiritual attack. But most of all, pray for the movement of the Holy Spirit to be manifest here in ways this campus has never seen before! God is doing something awesome this week.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

What to write? I feel like writing, but every time I think of something to write I am somewhere other than my computer, and by the time I return home to finally do something here my moment of inspiration has already come and gone...

Since I have been watching episodes of MacGyver online lately I am realizing that I must have picked up some of his tendencies from watching the show as a kid. I remember being about 4 years old and having watched the show, trying to do a "MacGyver roll" to the side of our driveway in the grass there. My sister and I would take turns trying to do the shoulder roll that he did in the opening sequence. Also, he always looks around and notices things. I am a detail oriented person... I don't keep things in order, but I know the details of things. I haven't yet figured out how to do the things that he does with the random items that he uses. A lot of the analog technology that he has used is obsolete these days.

Aside from this short ramble on MacGyver I really don't have much to say right now. Maybe I will start taking notes on the things I want to blog about.... I have already had quite a bit of homework that I am trying to keep up on, so I can hardly remember anything for more than 5 minutes right now.... hmm... scenes from Memento are being recalled... although Polaroid film is too costly if even available these days...