This site is dedicated to my spiritual and physical journey before and after the death of my husband and the father of my son from cancer. It is about grieving, loving, understanding and sharing, and living in the connection while accepting the physical separation that passing on brings. It is also about moving forward in your life from whatever challenges life hands you and living the life that is wanted for you from above.

They Do Watch Over Us

Our loved ones who pass on are still with us and are able to help. During the six weeks between my husband’s diagnosis till his death, I maybe slept an hour or two at a time. Jordon’s pain could not be kept up with and I was constantly having to change his medicine protocol so sleep really wasn’t much of an option. Oh yes. This is how end of days go for many of us who have loved ones pass away. There are doctor visits and home nurses that come to see us, but its the caregivers that have full responsibility. These are the things we don’t talk about much but we need to so that others can understand why we are the way we are now just a little better. I lost my sense of time completely during those six weeks. It had absolutely no meaning to me and its been real tough trying to get that back even after two and a half years. All I was focused on was the next hour of our lives- forced compartmentalization of the day for my mind. So sleep didn’t matter anymore. And yes, many caregivers of terminally ill people go through more than you can ever imagine. Because unlike doctors and ministers who work with the dying, we are working with our loved ones who are dying. Caregiving takes on a whole new meaning for those of us who go through something like this with someone we love.

For the last 2 weeks of Jordon’s life I didn’t know when I went to sleep as to whether or not he would still be alive next to me in the morning. That experience changed me for the rest of my life. And there are no words to describe it. BUT….Here’s my point. The days following Jordon’s passing I had an amazing peace come over me as I went to bed each night. Somehow I would fall into a dream like sleep and not even wake up with dreams or nightmares. Nothing. Just peace. And to have that happen can only be explained by the comfort they can bring us afterwards. Looking back it makes complete sense. And to be honest, I knew it then too. Jordon was always worried about my inability to sleep. And this was his way of caring for me.

Tonight my son had a terrible hand injury during a football game. A heavy 200 pound offensive lineman crushed his cleat onto the top of my son’s hand leaving every coach and doctor that saw him in the ER without a doubt that he had multiple breaks. BUT… They came back into the room and told him what a tough cookie he was with big strong bones. The X-ray showed no broken bones. And soon after we left the hospital the swelling went waaaaay down and he felt peaceful with very little pain.

Look, I believe. There is not room left in my mind that tells me otherwise that my husband and my son’s father is with us, watching over and protecting. I need to remember that more often. Thank you, Jordon. You amazed me in your life and you continue to amaze me now. Jackson and I love you.

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7 thoughts on “They Do Watch Over Us”

My husband died right in front of me
18 months ago. The coroner said he died of aortic stenosis, the main valve in his heart just closed. It wasn’t a heart attack he didn’t even know what hit him he just went down! He was 58 years old, we had been married for 34
years. He was and still is the love of my life. I can’t seem to move on,but I
haven’t had a dream, a feather, a bird
nothing! I know he is in heaven my husband loved Christ and would tell everyone about him. Why haven’t I
received a sign something??? So lost
without him!

Joanne, I lost my son a year ago..I understand the need for signs.. And am very sorry for your loss…I would like to suggest to you looking into a woman on fb. Fara Gibson pychic medium. Please don’t let the words, psychic medium through you off…she is much more then that. I was told about her three weeks after my Garrison’s passing…she has written a book called…”Looking into the windows of heaven”. She is the real deal…her gift has gave me great peace…her second book will be released at the end of this month and my son is in it…grief sometimes makes us feel we are not getting signs…but I’ve come to understand my son’s signs come in so many unexpected ways. I just want to share with you this information, I know the importance and need for signs…please look into Fara…sending healing hugs to you.

Agreed! The words psychic and medium are good. As in every profession there are bad apples for sure. But there is a real awakening happening and many people are being tapped as Light Workers and many through hardship and life trauma and are able to really express their spiritual gifts to help people heal by connection to our loved ones who have passed on and to God and the universe.

I agree with Lisa! I’ve had 2 personal readings with Fara Gibson after my daughter passed in June 2014 and I’ve also recently attended a group reading in her home. She has given me such peace and comfort and has really helped me heal. She also is so responsive to any questions you may have. Love and light to you Joanne.

I’m so sorry you lost your daughter! Grief Anonymous is on Facebook right now and you can join there. The book hasn’t been written yet. But links for being able to purchase it once it’s done will be there too!!

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Holly C Barker

My name is Holly Barker and I am the founder of Grief Anonymous, a support organization for grief and loss. I am also the founder of the Grief Resource Network. My husband of 14 years and the father of my son died of Malignant Melanoma skin cancer in 2014. My mission is to write honestly about our journey and to share with those that are going through the loss of a loved one or another challenging experience. I learned through this experience about the process of understanding, accepting what life hands us, and living in the continuum and connectivity to our loved ones that have passed on. If you are stuck and having a difficult time moving forward into the life that is wanted for you from above, follow me on this journey and maybe it will help you, too. Love and Light, Holly