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It is 7.20 in the morning and I quickly gulp down my coffee and start trotting towards the taxi stand which is right outside MG Marg. Glancing back, I bid adieu to New Modern Central Lodge – the lovely place that housed me during the first two days of my travel. Even as I walk across the near empty MG Marg, trying to grasp as much of its beauty as I can for the last time, I cannot help but wonder what my next destination Ravangla is going to be like. I hurriedly buy my shared jeep ticket to Ravangla upon reaching the taxi stand (= share jeep tickets to Ravangla could be booked in advance on the previous day as well) and head to the cab.

The gorgeous mountains as they play with the Sun!

The cab starts off at 7.45 am sharp and the drive to Ravangla is magnificent, to say the least – Winding roads across the gigantic Himalayas, the cold breeze, tallest trees, unending farmlands, the most exquisite birds and wonderful co-passengers. It feels like a dream. There is a visible change in climate and environment as we move away from the commercial hub of Gangtok. (= My co-passengers Simmi, Bishey and her mother are the most enthusiastic company I could have asked for. Even as they intently listen to all my stories of Bombay, they animatedly point out to the mountains outside the window and keep me updated with our geographical location. They share details of their life in Sikkim, and constantly keep checking if I am comfortable. All this in a shared-cab! These lovely ladies already make me look forward to Ravangla and I can’t wait to get there!)(= One more thing that I could not help but notice, was the availability of clean and hygienic public toilets on the route. I instantly drew comparisons with my visit to Himachal Pradesh a couple of years back, where availability of public toilets was one of the bigger challenges we faced during our road trip. Thumbs up, Sikkim!)

We reach Ravangla by 10.30 am, and even as Simmi continues her homeward journey to Kewzing (which is approximately 10 kms away), Bishey and her mother continue with me, till I manage to locate my hotel – Hotel Melody. They bid adieu with the warmest smile and wish me the best of luck for my journey ahead. I am welcomed into the cottage-like hotel by the owner / manager, Bobbit Das, and my room offers me a brilliant view of the town. It is such a pleasant day and the sun rays beaming through the window make me wonder why everyone kept telling me about how cold Ravangla is! After getting some rest, I head to a restaurant called ‘Kookay’ for lunch (Bobbit sir’s recommendation). (=Now I need to mention that at this moment, a million thoughts are bouncing all over my head! Firstly, during my conversation with Bobbit sir, I learnt that I was the only guest at the hotel during my stay in Ravangla. I don’t know how to say it, but I am scared. This is probably the first time I am experiencing the true meaning of solo travel, but I just cannot put my apprehensions to rest. My solo-traveller instincts have obviously taken over, and I have got my guard up… but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to stay here – all alone. Sigh. Maybe I should just move to some other place that is not as deserted as this one? But the reviews on tripadvisor were very positive. What other option do I even have? From what I gather, there isn’t much to do in Ravangla anyway. Maybe I should just leave tomorrow? Sigh. Maybe I should just go and have lunch first? A whirlwind of thoughts).

At Kookay!

Veg thali. Slurrrp!

I walk to Kookay which is barely 5 minutes away from the hotel, where I meet Norzang, who is meticulously redecorating a wall with post-it notes left by the many visitors at the restaurant. The restaurant is beautiful and exudes a lovely vibe. I request Norzang to suggest a local delicacy for lunch and he gladly recommends the thali. ‘It is not a local dish, but it is cooked in the local way. Maybe you can try it’, he says. So thali, it is! Given that I am the only guest at the restaurant (again!), we end up making small talk on why I am travelling alone and what my folks think of all the photos that I keep sending across to them. Soon, my meal arrives and my appetite takes me by a big surprise as I gobble the food down. To call it delicious, would be gross injustice to the food! After my meal, I randomly ask Norzang to help me with off-beat places to visit at Ravangla. What happens next, is something I will always remember. He tears off a couple of pages from his diary, and begins to draw miniature maps to help me with directions to what he suggests are the places worth visiting. Another brush with the affectionate Sikkimese hospitality!

My favourite souvenirs from Sikkim 🙂

I thank Norzang, collect my bag from the hotel and merrily start walking to Tathagata Tsal (=more famously known as Buddha Park – Yes, that is the first destination!). It is easily a 15 minute walk, to say the least. As I stride away from the dreamy town, I am left walking alone along the empty road (again!), even as a number of tourist vehicles zoom past me. However, as I near Buddha Park, the Buddha emerges through the mountains and its sheer size leaves me captivated. I purchase my entry ticket (=which costs Rs. 50) and make my way through security. The guard collects my ticket and asks me if I am alone (=First emotion: fear. Is he a creep? Why should he ask me this? What has it got to do with him? Should I tell him the truth or lie? Why am I stuck in Ravangla? So many thoughts in a fraction of a second. Funny how the human mind is so quick). I reply in the affirmative, and he politely shows me directions to the Buddha, the souvenir stores and the washrooms before welcoming me with a smile. I am completely taken aback. (=Next thought: this place is beginning to shatter all my opinions on sixth sense and intuition).

Tathagata Tsal

As I set foot into the park, the view of it leaves me enthralled – the strong wind, manicured lawns, the prayer flags and the enchanting Buddha statue with the mountains acting as a perfect background. I climb down the stairs and walk along the path only to be left mesmerized by the ‘Om Mani Padme Hum’ prayer playing in the park. Wow! (=I can’t stop thinking about the powerful vibes that Buddha Park exudes. It is undoubtedly one of the most serene places I have visited). In all my excitement, I make a mental note to stick around the place for at least a couple of hours more, and explore every corner that I possibly can. However, the bright sun-rays are slowly beginning to vanish, and a cloud-army is marching towards us in the sky. I am quite enjoying my walk along the elaborate path-way, but silently praying for it to not rain. As I reach the foot of the statue, I can hear loud thunders from some place far away in the mountains. I quickly take my shoes off, and enter inside the statue. I am welcomed to the sight of a magnificent stupa at the centre of the hall! To the left is a museum with 1,000 Buddha statues and straight up is the route to walk what feels like 3 floors up inside the statue. This circular-walkway runs through various wall-paintings of the story of Buddhism – its origin, how it got to India, the story of Buddha, etc. Just when I am about to exit from the statue after completing my tour of the inside, a group of approximately 50 South-Asian tourists walks in with 5 monks and they start chanting prayers and do a parikrama of the shrine. Almost as a reflex action, I step back inside the statue and sit down in a corner to watch them pray. (=It feels so powerful, almost hypnotic). Having lost track of the amount of time I have spent here, I slowly move out of the statue after a while.

Prayer Flags

My worst fears come true as I step outside – It had been pouring. The strong winds are making whistling sounds and causing the prayer flags fly – which is a vista I want to remember forever. The bright sunny day that had welcomed me into the town has now disappeared and all that is visible now, is the grey sky. The thundering has gotten louder and closer and even more vicious. (=Honestly, I love rain. A part of me was actually even wanting to get drenched. But I had my phone, camera, diary, story book, map, wallet and tickets with me in the bag… with no plastic to cover these things up. Hence, the caution). I quickly trot along the path-way, on my way back to the gate. I am contemplating hitch-hiking my way down to the town, but then decide to just make a run for it instead. As luck would have it, only a minute into my exit from the park, it starts to drizzle. I am too far away from the parking lot to ask for a lift, so going back is not an option. I then notice the other gate to the park (which has a roof) and run to seek refuge. All this while, I can feel small pebbles hitting my back. I look around to see who is throwing these at me, but not a soul in sight. It is now pouring heavily, and I am safely under the shade of the roof at the gate. It is only then that I realise that nobody was throwing pebbles at me – it was raining hailstones!! HAILSTONES! I am just standing there, at the gate, with no other human being in sight – awestruck – as the rain lashes the ground and as the hailstones fall with a force like never before, as if it was never going to stop. (=Even though I am alone and stranded, in this moment I feel happy like never before. I think I am the happiest I have been. It feels like every cell in my body is feeling the joy of experiencing a hailstone shower. It feels so wonderful to feel so vulnerable to nature. I want to absorb every bit of the beauty that I am witnessing – the falling hailstones, the clouded mountains, the roaring thunder and my feeling of infinite happiness. In this moment, I am the happiest I can be 🙂 )

In a short while, it stops raining, and I dash back to the hotel. I get to my room and the anxiety of being the only guest at the hotel floods my head again. I call a friend to pour out my concerns… and after immense pacification, I finally decide to go ahead with my stay and enjoy the beauty of Ravangla. Just as I finish my call, it starts thundering and raining hailstones again – almost as if the rain gods want me to stay 🙂

It is a relaxed Saturday evening, just the way it should be. With pretty much nothing to do, but recuperate from the effects of a long and tiring week, I wait to hear from my brother who is out on a holiday. Even as I wait for him to text me of his whereabouts, I find my fingers slipping on to the Facebook app on my mobile phone and even before I know it, I am browsing through my brother’s profile on Facebook.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I feel an inexplicable urge to know more about his college life. I want to see the posts that he has been sharing. I find myself wanting to know who his new friends are. I want to read all the comments on his posts to see what his friends talk about. I find myself eagerly running through his timeline – wanting to read about events scheduled to happen at his college.. or maybe about something funny that happened during a lecture that are all joking about..or some mention about something that they’re all looking forward to. I continue to browse further, with lighted eyes, hopeful of finding a photo or two of him with friends. I can sense myself trying to look for indications that he is indeed having a good time away from home.

I find myself yearning to know how he spends his time there – Which part of the campus is he staying on, what his new room looks like, how many more dogs has he petted in his campus, who are these new friends whose names keep appearing on his timeline – and suddenly I am flooded with a strange emotion. How does he feel about all of us back home? I want to know if he feels homesick sometimes…or at all. I am also trying to look for ways to confirm that misses our ‘ghar ka khaana’ 🙂

It’s funny how just a Facebook profile can invoke so many thoughts inside my head. Until a few years back, every time I saw my friends get too emotional while seeing off their siblings, I couldn’t really understand what the fuss was about. But I did find myself weeping away after seeing my brother off at his hostel for the first time. So I guess I do have a fair amount of clarity about what a big deal it is to part ways with your sibling just when you’re beginning to develop a bond with him and getting to know him better.

Even as I finish with my endevour to try and keep updated with all the happenings in his life, I realise that distance does make the heart grow fonder… and Facebook helps me confirm that 🙂

Like this:

Hi there! It’s been the longest time since I wrote.. I know, and it doesn’t make me feel good!
But here I am, after all this while, randomly penning typing my thoughts down 🙂

Well, for starters, it’s been a very hectic 3 months for me. The CA journey doesn’t end after passing the final exam. It begins after the result, I’d say!
The post-result period not only invoked celebrations, but also plenty of self-talk, analysis and career planning. Trust me, it’s one of the more difficult tasks in life. It takes a lot to be honest to oneself and a lot more to have the courage to actually do what one likes!
So here I am, finally free (at least for now :p) from all the what-do-I-do-with-my-life muddle, having slightly more perspective about how I want my life to be 🙂
So I have got myself a fairly decent job (bye bye broke days) and now the ‘adult-feeling’ is finally sinking in – bills, payments, investments and what not! Work does keep me very busy most of the time, and hence, the no writing bit. But that is going to change for good 🙂

What urged me to write today, was a random chain of thoughts about how we take everything for granted and choose to be unhappy!
It all started with this status message that a friend posted on Facebook:
“I can’t believe that the last time we had Maggi was the LAST time we had Maggi!”
As absurd as it may sound, it actually got me thinking! Don’t we do this every time? Yes, I laughed..but this was some serious stuff! Do you know if the last time YOU met someone was actually the LAST time you met them? Or if the last time you went to some place was your LAST there? Or whether the last time you did something was indeed the LAST time you did that?? Sounds freaky.
It made me realise how I take so many things for granted! I take my family, friends and all my comforts for granted!
I crib about my job and work hours..but there are so many people out there who are waiting to get a job, but can’t find one! I do argue with my folks and get angry with them over the smallest thing. But then, how lucky am I to have such a beautiful family! To have people I can go back to, at the end of the day..to have people who’ll always have my back..to have people who love me unconditionally, and to whom I must choose to return this love 🙂
It got me thinking..that maybe when Steve Jobs said that we must live each day as if it’s our last, he didn’t really mean that we should be irrational. But rather, that we appreciate everything that we have and be grateful for all of it! To love everyone and treat everyone well..for we never know if it is indeed our LAST time with them. Maybe when we regret, it’s not really about things that we did not do. I guess it’s more about all the things that we have done, without knowing that it was our LAST chance and that we can do nothing to change it ever again!

Phew! That was some heavy thinking. But I feel happy at the end of it – I wrote!
I don’t know if I expressed myself well enough, but I tried!

Like this:

Destination: Hampi, Karnataka Distance: 740km Number of days: 5 Number of travelers: 2 Hampi had been on my travel wish-list for a while. So what better chance could have I got to visit this scenic temple town, other than to relieve some post exam stress? The December-January period felt like a good time to visit (it’s the peak tourist season here) and I was raring to go! Unfortunately for me, most of my friends had already visited Hampi, which meant that I had nobody to go with. Even as I was gearing myself to make a solo trip (AND convince my parents to let me travel alone), I found a travel-mate in my friend Lizann, who was as kicked about visiting Hampi as I was! After some serious planning, R&D and parent-convincing later, December 29 was fixed as the departure date (yes, this is a late post). Come December 29, and we were ready to hop into our semi-sleeper VRL bus to Hospet (one way tickets cost us around Rs. 1200 per person). VRL is one of the safest and most comfortable means of transport. They have plenty of VRL offices throughout the 727 km Bombay-Hospet stretch, which makes bus-breakdowns and emergencies easy to handle (our bus broke down at around 2am on our way to Hospet, but we were promptly shifted to another VRL bus). We arrived at Hospet by 10.30am on the next day (which was after a delay of approximately 2.5 hrs) and immediately headed to the Hospet bus depot, which is just one street away from teh VRL drop-off point. A number of auto rickshaw drivers (costing Rs. 200 per seat) hounded us, but we were on an economy trip, so decided to take the ST bus to Hampi instead (costing Rs. 15 per person). What caught my attention was the female bus conductor in our ST bus. A true example of gender equality in south India! After a comfortable journey of around 20 minutes (approx 13km from Hospet), there we were! Even as the bus halted outside the Hampi Bazaar area, a chill ran down my spine to actually see the iconic Virupaksha temple that I had only seen on my laptop screen until then! For a few seconds, we were stunned and didn’t know exactly where to go. Soon, we collected ourselves and decided to follow the path to the temple. Our phones were whipped out to call Mr. Bobby, owner of Bobby guest-house, which was recommended to us by Rushikesh – the Man in-charge at Breakfree Journeys (we were indeed an adventurous lot. In spite of warnings that it was going to be peak season and finding an accommodation would be difficult, we decided to venture out and find some decent accommodation only after arriving at Hampi). Even as we spoke to Mr. Bobby over the phone, we made our way to the boat to transport us across the river to Virupapur gadde, where most of the guest-houses are located (One way boat-ride costs Rs. 20 per person, extra ticket for luggage. Boat service functions from 7am to 5.30pm. The coracle service starts after 5.30pm, costing Rs. 50 per person one way. Cycles/bikes can also be transported across the river through the boat/coracle).

The Virupaksha temple overlooking Krishna river.

Bobby guest-house was barely at a minute’s distance from the river bank. Luckily, they had a couple of vacant rooms, so we sorted our accommodation and headed to our room to freshen up (at Rs. 850 per day, we may have shelved out a large amount for accommodation. But we decided to go for it anyway, since it was peak time, and as two female travelers, safety was of prime concern). Soon, we set out to grab a quick bite and explore our side of the river. We bought a map of Hampi from one of the local stores and inquired about cycles. Unfortunately, the all the cycles had been hired out for the day, so we decided to walk it up to Anjaneya hill, in Anegondi village (in retrospection, walking down a nearly empty road is not exactly the safest idea for solo travelers. So do try to get a bike/hire an auto in case the cycles are not available). Dinners were usually simple affairs at Bobby’s and German bakery (delicious desserts at extremely affordable prices). The village area was not very well lit at night, so we preferred to stay indoors and not venture out too far post sunset.

View from atop Anjaneya Hill.

On our second day in Hampi, we decided to do a group cycle tour with a Karnataka State Tourism Department authorised guide, Hanumantha (it cost Rs. 500 per person, including cycle rent. I don’t know if we overpaid, but it was a fairly decent experience). The following places were covered by the tour: Hemakuta Hill, Kadalekalu Ganesh, Sasivekalu Ganesh, Krishna temple, Lakshmi Narasimha temple (which is a brilliant piece of architecture), Badavilinga temple, the Underground Siva temple, Hazararama temple, the Royal enclosure and the Zenana enclosure. The tour ended at the Elephant stables in Zenana enclosure. However, we took the cycles with us and also visited the Queen’s Bath, Mohammaden Watchtower, Band Tower and the Archaeological Museum in Kamalapur. Hanumantha filled us in with stories of the various places that we visited. You can find more information about these places on www.hampi.in. After a tiring, but adventurous day we retired to our room at Bobby’s and geared ourselves for the next day!

The Mahanavami dibba.

On our third day in Hampi, we explored the Achyutraya temple ruins, the Monolithic bull, the King’s balance and the iconicVitthala temple. We covered all these places on foot, as we had to park our cycles in the parking area at the base of the hill. On our way back, we relished some aloo bondas (a local delicacy prepared with potatoes) and sukha bhel. After returning our cycles, we rushed to the river bank so as to not miss the last boat to Bobby’s! A traditional South Indian breakfast comprising of delicious appams and melt-in-your-mouth idlis kick-startedday four! We were very keen on visiting the Pattabhirama temple, Jain temples and Mohammad’s tomb in Kamalapur (where the Archaeological Museum is also located). We quickly rented our cycles and set out for Kamalapur. Riding past beautiful banana fields and rice plantations, we reached Kamalapur in about 30 minutes. After seeking some local help with directions, we finally reached Pattabhirama temple. We were very surprised to find no one, except the two of us, in the temple! Excitedly, yet cautiously, we stuck around together to click as many photos as we could! We then headed out to visit the Domed Gateway, which was another place not frequented by tourists. The ride to the gateway was magnificent, to say the least! The banana plantations on either side of the road, the cow-herd walking the cattle home, the fresh air and the empty street made for a beautiful vista! The Domed Gateway was a beautiful and unexplored place, adjoining which was a forest route, which we were craving to explore! Honestly, that was the only time when I wished that I was with a group, for it was very risky for the two of us to cycle through the deserted route by ourselves! A lot of photos later, we made our way out to visit the Jain temples. However, a sari shop on the main road caught our fancy and some major sari (window) shopping later, we were left with no time for anything else. So we made our way to the gushing waters of the Krishna river and freshened up before cycling out of Kamalapur.

A part of the Pattabhirama temple.

Back at Hampi, we decided to explore the area adjoining the river-crossing. Luckily, we bumped into a couple of local girls who were out on their evening walk and joined them on their way uphill to view the sunset from atop the hill. It was already 7pm by the time we returned to the boat crossing. Obviously we missed the last boat, and took the coracle instead (expensive, but yaay).

Evenings in Hampi 🙂

We started our fifth (and last) day with an early morning walk along the river bank. After spending some quality time in solitude, we headed to Matanga Hill. We (rather unknowingly) took the tougher route up, but every bit of the effort we put to climb uphill was completely worth it! The picturesque aerial view of Hampi more than made up for the toil! One of my favourite moments of the trip: Sitting atop Matanga hill even as the wind brushed across my face. Gazing, awestruck, at the lush green banana plantations, the Achyutraya temple that we had just visited a day back, the Virupaksha temple that stood tall in the distance and a road that ran amid the ruins. Perfect. We soon found our way down through the stairs (the easier route) and decided to grab a quick bite before heading to Virupaksha temple, which is a functional temple. The Virupaksha temple is usually the first stop-point for most tourists, but us being us, we decided to visit it in the end! After spending a good 40 minutes looking around the temple, we headed straight for Bobby’s – from where we collected our luggage – and made our way to the bus stand for a bus to Hospet. A short wait later, we boarded our VRL bus to Mumbai, thus marking the end to our very adventurous visit to the temple town!

Sitting atop Matanga Hill. Like a boss!

General suggestions for those who are planning to visit Hampi:

Carry plenty of sunscreen lotion with you at any given time! It is always hot and sunny, and the concept of winter does not exist here.

The Virupaksha temple area houses the Karnataka State Tourism Department Office. You could get yourself a detailed map of Hampi from the office to help you with planning your itinerary. It is also recommended to hire the services of a department-authorised guide only, if at all you want a guided tour.

Good news for (solo) lady travelers: Hampi is certainly safe for women. However, do remain alert and exercise caution. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend walking around alone after the sun goes down, or in deserted areas, no matter how safe it is. Walking around in groups is always recommended.

You can bargain for almost everything! From room rent to yoga mats to shopping in the bazaar to cycle rent. You’ll be surprised at how much you end up saving after all the bargaining.

Cycles are available on rent on either side of the river. So you could rent the cycles depending on which of the river you will be exploring (it will save you the cost of transporting your cycles across the river).

Most of the guest-houses have a check out time of 10am. If your bus/train departs later in the evening, you can check out of your room by 10am, and request the management to let you keep your luggage in a safe place. Of course, at your own risk, but this works for most!

We weren’t very fussy about the food, but there are plenty of options available as far as restaurants are concerned! I won’t make any recommendations here, but will just nudge you to go and explore the well known as well as local food joints with an open mind!

But….do try the curd-rice at Mowgli guest-house, if possible. Divine!

PS: Thank you Shreedhar (my brother) and Rushikesh for all your help and suggestions!

Caution: Long blog post ahead! Well, travel is an enriching experience. For me, travel is meditation. It is the best kind of therapy. Travel is not about going away from home. It is about making another one! Which is why, I consider myself fortunate to have had the opportunity to travel to the mystic land […]

Having just returned from a fulfilling trip across the eastern regions of Himachal Pradesh, I am filled with memories, awestruck by it’s beauty and gripped with nostalgia even as I write. A detailed post outlining our adventures in the mighty Himalayas is very much in order. However, there is something that I would like to share with you before that. Something that was symbolic of the entire trip, to me. Most of us have our best and worst moments after every journey. But there is more to that. We also have this one thing- an experience or an object or a person- that becomes symbolic of the trip for us. For me, that was river Satluj (Sutlej) and her tributaries. The river managed to capture my heart as flawlessly as she changed her form – first as the mighty Satluj, then in the form of the beautiful Baspa, then as the serene Spiti and ultimately in the form of Pin. The virtuous river had so many roles to play and yet, she played each of them with unrealistic ease! For me, the Satluj was the epitome of determination. Delicate, yet strong. She had made a place for herself in the mighty Himalayas..or rather through the mighty Himalayas, hadn’t she? So even as I flip through the pages of a magnificent Himalayan experience, I cannot help but pen down the awe I feel for Satluj.

She appeared, almost out of nowhere Chaste and clear, Blue and bare She saw, she observed She looked like she had her doubts But faith was all we had.

She swerved, and we followed She curved, and we wallowed She turned, and we blundered She danced along, and we only wondered.

She changed her form with celerity She tiptoed away, with grace unparalleled She returned when she felt like, with a mystic air She touched us, almost and then she left again with a teasing stare.

She ran at first, but then slowed down She was fierce at first, but then she wore a mellow brown She wavered at first, but then she never left our side She was aloof at first, but then she also kissed goodnight.

She called us, with one flirtatious stare She made us follow her, with a promise unsaid She advanced slowly at first, and then all at once She had befriended the mountains and the clouds and also the glistening rays of the sun.

She kept her word and our hand she held She stayed with us, right until the end At the end of our sojourn, she stopped in her track And then she took the final turn and never looked back.

I know I have been terribly late with this blog update.
I know I haven’t filled this space in the longest time (The blog archive speaks for itself).
I know I have had this writer’s block. Again.

It has been very disappointing for me, too…not writing and all.
So here I am, filling you in with all the happenings of the last two months and letting you know that I *am* very much alive, and kicking! 😉

So while I was combating the writer’s block, there was another form of creativity that I (re)ventured into – Art.
Having not touched a paint-brush or crayons or paints for almost six years now, taking to art was a welcome change!
I could feel the creativity inside me and even after all this while and it just made me so happy to get back to doing something that I always loved back in my school days!

I ain’t no photographer (which means the photos are unedited and badly clicked), but here are a few photos of what I managed to do during the last few days! Dekko Dekko!

My first work, after six long years 🙂

A mug and a marker is all you need!

And finally…diwali cards and goodies!

So maybe you should try getting back to doing something that you really loved, once upon a time? A few years back, or maybe when you were a kid? Cooking, sewing, playing a sport that you no longer play, photography, feeding stray animals…just about anything!
Because when you do that, the flow of creativity will be unhindered…and the happiness that you feel will be real! 🙂