Tag Archives: loner

Felt incredibly sad today. Somebody came in to measure my room because, apparently, my parents are set to sell this house. They plan to buy a new place and take my brother with them, but not me.

So in a couple of months, I’m going to be left homeless again. Still don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t have money to rent a new place, and finding a place to rent which allows dogs is going to be tricky. And this, just when I’m loving living in this place and my life here, so to speak, has been set on autopilot already.

What bugs me the most is how they’re being surreptitious about all this. Like they want to catch me unaware. I went downstairs to do some baking and when I looked around, most of the things have been packed, drawers were empty, and there were boxes labeled. When my mom got there, I even asked her why the kitchen drawers were empty and she had the temerity to pretend not to know anything. She merely shrugged and said that maybe they were old and were thrown away. Liar.

It seems that every four years or so, I have to move and it’s not of my own choosing. It’s usually dictated by circumstances, and I was just wondering if this was in the “fine print” of my soul contract. I’m an anchor for higher energies, and I know that my loner life and my escape of that by surrounding myself with other people is a mechanism by which I get to spread energy. It’s just so damn stressful and lonely.

Although they’ve done this to me several times before, the betrayal is nonetheless heartbreaking. Of course, I know I’ll survive. But I think this is the end of the line for me when it comes to my so-called earth family. It’s time to look for a new one or be with chosen family that actually have a regard for me.

Is this my lot in life? I’ve asked the Karmic Board to grant me a partner to go through life with and they answered positively. Yet, I’m still alone. Not exactly helpless, but still some ever lost human who has more direction in another dimension other than this one.

I’ve prayed to the ascended masters, my angels, asked my higher self and spiritual team to help me, prayed to the archangels, and now, I don’t know what to do anymore.

There is somehow a brighter side to this. Each move that I’ve had was an upgrade of sorts. Yes, I may have gone back to the “family home” when I moved back from the US, but it was still an upgrade considering I got another room, one which was attached to a balcony as wide as our living room, and I had full view of the skies, the stars, and all the glory of nature. Plus, it gave my dogs room to run around and watch the passersby with air to breathe. That’s what I have right now — sunshine, air, a view of the mountains, serenity. That’s what I’ll be saying goodbye to in I don’t know when.

And with what I can afford now, with no money in the bank, is some rinky dink apartment in probably some shady part of town with no appliances or furniture either. Not really looking forward to that. So I really don’t know how the upgrade part is going to work out if this really is a cosmic pattern in my contract.

I guess, it’s time to pray for a miracle. At least, I’m thankful for my guides for alerting me to the situation even if my earth-parents have been jackasses about it. Maybe I’ll stay in my current job until I reach goal weight (because it gives me time to work out and rejuvenate) and once I’m in maintenance, aim for a job with a higher paycheck. Then, I’m going to travel and spread energy elsewhere.

Sometimes, I hate this job that I signed up for. Not my earth job, but this starseed thing. It makes it seem that I have a choice when I really don’t. We’re supposed to be experiencing joy in this life, not just the crappy parts of it. I seriously hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel in this life, not just the next.

These days, I find myself alone most if the time. It’s a stark contrast to my people-filled and activity-filled holidays , and if I didn’t cram my social calendar then, I would probably resent my lonesome dove stance right now.

Cake for one. Hmp.

My family deliberately ignores me.
My coworkers don’t include me in their conversations or their jaunts outside the office, and they don’t even invite me to lunch.
I don’t have a group I run around town with, and I would suspect “body odour” except that i’m meticulous about hygiene and I smell deliciously of Escada’s Taj Sunset.