Monday, March 30, 2015

We're moving on without laggin', so it's time for the Dragonwagon. In the third of our four regionals, top-seeded Littice Bacon-Blood, a self-described “Eternal Optimist,” faces a field of worthy competition from across the onomastic spectrum. Whether it’s hometown heroHandsome Monica or “Eternal Pessimist”Odd Hackwelder, one thing is clear: seeds two through 16 are out for (Bacon-)Blood.

In order for Mrs. Bacon-Blood to rise to the top, though, she will need to overcome more than just the Dwellie Striggles of life. The veteran journalist, who has reported in the New Orleans area for more than 20 years, will first need to topple Win Thin, a senior currency strategist and just all-around super smart-sounding dude. Mr. Thin’s unorthodox combination of low seed and high intellect could very well make him the ideal underdog to upset Mrs. Bacon-Blood's path toward the NOTY crown.

The most interesting backstory in the regional belongs to three-seed Cameo Crispi, who was arrested on felony charges after attempting to burn down her ex-boyfriend’s house with nothing more than a pound of bacon. Crispy, indeed! That kind of determination will assist the alliterative arsonist in our competition. Ms. Crispi faces off against 14-seed Gladstone Dainty, the Guyana-born president of the USA Cricket Association and also--according to Gawker’s beer blog for sad dads--an accountant in Hyattsville, MD. Crispi vs. Dainty? Truly a matchup of Ways I’d Prefer You Didn’t Prepare My Steak.

Further down the bracket, we find 15-seed Joe Henchman, whom many readers believe to be underrated. It's true that Mr. Henchman follows in the footsteps of short, punchy, all-American naminees like Joe Shortsleeve (2011), Rich Tanguy (2010), and Jonny Kool (2009). While those men all carried higher seeds than 15, we couldn't resist setting up a scenario in which a Henchman is most likely to get offed early on. It may not work out that way, since Mr. Henchman and his fans seem to have a lot to say. He's building a strong NOTY resume to match his impressive work as the Vice President of Operations at the Tax Foundation, where he is “among four people who ‘will likely dominate the field in the next 10 years.’”He has authored over 75 major studies on tax policy, presumably without the help of even one of these guys.

So who is it going to be? Buckle up and hold on tight, because it’s time to vote for the first round of the Dragonwagon Regional:

Friday, March 27, 2015

Our fascination with
the atomically-named doc began when a reader sent us a simple e-mail message: “Electron
Kebebew. I let this guy cut me open.”

We discovered this
was no joke: After years of surgical training, Dr. Kebebew now leads theNIH program
in Endocrine Oncologyand has quite possibly saved the life of at
least one NOTY fan. Thanks to his atomic first name and his onomatopoeic
surname that sounds like someone firing a phaser, Dr. K is the perfect
candidate to follow in Dr. Loki Skylizard and Dr.
Suparman Marzuki’s footsteps as the latest #1 seed bolstered by his
PhD.

Dr. Kebebew entered
the world with a Big Bang. His father, an Ethiopean electrical engineer, worried
that his children would not follow in his footsteps as people of science. To
make their career paths clear from birth, he named them after subatomic
particles (or, for any physicist fans, strings simultaneously vibrating in 11
dimensions): Proton, Neutron, Deutron, Electron, and Electron’s anti-matter
doppelgänger,Positron.
If the Kebebew family had included any more children, we can only assume they
would've been named Lepton, Hadron, and Quark.

While many NOTY
nominees may have faced years of torment at the hands of schoolchildren before assuming
their places in our celebratory tournament, Electron has repelled negativity
and embraced his identity. In a 2007 interview, he said "When you have a
name like Electron, people notice you, and they have expectations of you…But by
and large, as I think back on my life, my name has been a positive
influence."

People also notice
you if, like Dr. Electron, you are pulling down serious cash. In 2011, a report
by the questionably named WikiORGCharts published the 1000
highest paid US government salaries. After President Obama, the highest
paid civil servant in the land was none other than Dr. Electron Kebebew. The
news swept through trade publications, the Big Government Hatin’, Freedom Loving Patriot
Press and
even made it’ way to the road-raging id of the internet, bodybuilding
forums. Only down at the depths of the
forums did anyone seem to take notice that, on top of being a physician, our
highest paid non-elected official has a name worthy of the Hall of Name.

Will Electron
complete a run through our field of 64? His journey, along with 15 others,
begins today. Vote below, and stay in touch on Twitter.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

We begin, as always, in the Bulltron, where this year's top seeds come from disparate backgrounds. The top contender, Cherries Waffles Tennis, is a young woman from Florida. The two-seed, Fra Pierbattista Pizzaballa, is a high-ranking member of the Franciscan order. It's Catholics vs. Convicts part two.

Cherries was arrested in 2014 for "allegedly making fraudulent purchases at surf shops in Jupiter, Florida," according to The Huffington Post. Her plural noun-heavy handle is hard to believe, which will lead many skeptics to wonder if Cherries Waffles Tennis is indeed her birth name. We think so. At the time of her arrest, Cherries was 19, just one year above the minimum age at which Americans can apply for a name change. If Cherries did adopt her unique moniker under her own volition, she did not waste any time, and if that is the case, we can only assume she told the judge the first three words that popped into her head, just to get the process over with as quickly as possible.

Father Pizzaballa, on the other hand, is one of several Italian Pizzaballas. As the Custodian of the Holy Land, he is the Franciscan order's primary representative in the Middle East. Among other duties, he is responsible for supporting Christian residents within the Holy Land and overseeing the many Christian shrines in the area. If you need further evidence of the power of Father Pizzaballa's position, consider his boss: Pope Francis himself.

These two figures, separated by more than just an ocean, will surely never meet in person. In the Bulltron, though, they are gearing up for a monster showdown. In this way, NOTY is the great equalizer. It does not matter if you are an alleged criminal or an esteemed man of God. In the Arena of Name, all are welcome.

That statement also applies to the other 14 names in the Bulltron, and both Cherries and Father Pizzaballa will be tested right from the opening bell. It's up to you to decide: Will chalk rain supreme, leading to a much-hyped culinary matchup in the Elite Eight? Or will upsets derail our precious seeding? The first eight matchups of the 2015 Name of the Year tournament await your votes.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Fantastic names are going mainstream. Writers for SB Nation, Inside Lacrosse, and
other publications have applied our concept—now 33 years old, in the prime of
its life—to their specific beats. Key and Peele shared our love of
D'Brickashaw Ferguson (a NOTY nominee in 2006) and Frostee Rucker (2013) with
millions of YouTube viewers. Heck, even the NFL's official media outlet devoted
some pixels to the wonders of Equanimeous St. Brown (2014). For those of us who
peddle names, these are exciting times.

This is the perfect environment
for a new Name of the Year bracket, and sure enough, we're back. Yes, as in previous
years, we're arriving fashionably late to the party, but NOTY is built on
tradition, and at this point, our deference toward the usual rigid schedule of
novelty March Madness brackets is part of who we are. We may have failed to
arrive in time for Georgetown's yearly spinout, but we're here, and we've come
bearing gifts.

That's what this year's bracket feels like: a gift. Finding
64 fresh, exciting new names always seems an impossible task at first, but
thanks in large part to your email submissions, we have again (back pat)
managed to assemble a tremendous slate. A man with Miraculous Powers will
battle a nemesis made of Silver Bronzo. Dr. Jocko Zifferblatt will inspect a Manmeet Colon.
A Raven will rap on the chamber door of a man named Handsome Monica. Crump will
do battle with Crump. And those are just the 8-9 matchups.

Indeed, NOTY is the gift that
keeps on giving. As long as parents continue to bless their children with names
like Electron, Mussolini, and Jazznique, our field will remain strong enough to
keep up with the accelerating recognition of onomastic pursuits.

You are invited to join us as we embark on our annual paean
to wonderful names. Voting will commence shortly, so pull on your Dr. Data
Longjohns, don your Kapri Bibbs, and pick the Swindly Lint out of your
bellybutton, because it's time to begin weighing the relative merits of Omar
Hurricane and Kermit Carolina, of Forrestina Calf Boss-Ribs and Charity
Sunshine Tilleman-Dick, and of the 30 other matching pairs who will constitute
our first round.

We'll begin, as always, with the Bulltron Regional before
moving onto the Sithole, the Dragonwagon, and the Chrotchtangle. How long will
it take? However long it needs to take.

So print out a bracket, spread the word (we’ll be Tweeting
@NOTYtourney), and return here regularly to vote on the round-by-round
matchups. Without further ado, here is your 2015 Name of the Year bracket:

Got a Nomination?

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About NOTY

Name of the Year was founded in 1983 on an Ivy League campus. Its mission has remained unchanged: to discover, verify, nominate, elect and disseminate great names. All names included here are, to the best of our knowledge, real. No malice is intended.