A little over a year ago, I moved from Chicago back to my childhood home to go to grad school. It’s only an hour or so outside of Chicago, and not what I imagine most people would call “small town.” But there are some slight differences from living in a big city that one has to get used to. For instance, in early August, I ran to the library early Friday night to return some books and pick up my new ones. (Yes, I was going to the library on a Friday night. What exactly do you have going on in your life that’s so goddamn fancy?) Unbeknownst to me, however, the city of Aurora had taken it upon themselves to class the place up. This included an art walk running through various “downtown” buildings. Including the library. Instead of finding the library properly empty, it was half-full (this is still a fairly unpopular event) with people trying to hand me pamphlets, ask me to comment on some local artist’s work, offer me free white wine, or just generally be in my way. The moral of the story is: free library wine is terrible.

Also this rings uncomfortably true.

It’s not quite as good as Colbert’s covert Only in Monroe appearance, but I will happily accept it as a running gimmick.