[Romney] is a solid and trustworthy, faithful and honorable man. Not only a defender of marriage, he offers an example of marriage at its best.

And why is it so important to "defend" marriage? Let House Majority Leader Eric Cantor break it down for you.

That is why we believe in traditional marriage, because marriage, more than any government program ever has or ever will, has lifted up people out of poverty, even those who felt there was no hope. Marriage has proven to be that formula which has been more successful at allowing for that pursuit of happiness. And that is why we stand tall and stand proud for traditional marriage.

Exactly. Who needs government assistance when you can just get married? It's the best cure-all for what ails you — and somehow if gay people were allowed to get married, it would stop working.

If that doesn't make sense to you, take a good, hard look at yourself in the mirror. You might be one of those smart people Santorum has heard so much about.