As a grown man who can only grow random small patches of hair on his face, I’ve admired Pittsburgh Steelers defensive end Brett Keisel and his beard for quite some time. And now he’s throwing his inane ability to grow massive amounts of facial hair in my face, as he will shave it off next Thursday to benefit Children’s Hospital, as well as to symbolize a new beginning of luck and fortune for the Pittsburgh Steelers, since he will be growing a new awesome beard.

Well aren’t you cool, Mr. I Can Grow Facial Hair Whenever I Want?

Keisel will be shaved by celebrity barbers beginning at 7 p.m at the Diesel Club Lounge, 1601 East Carson St.

Brett, who was named to the Pro Bowl this year as a replacement for Dwight Freeney (I assume because his beard is terrible), became famous over this past season for this beard that he is so carelessly throwing away, with Twitter and Facebook accounts created to honor its awesomeness. But no, let’s forget that this beard carried the Pittsburgh Steelers to the Super Bowl and became the most important collection of facial hair of the 21st Century. I guess some kids who need money for medicine and treatments are more important.