George W. Bush Resume

Purchased an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. Company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
appropriated land by using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy
Sosa to the Chicago Cubs.

With father's considerable influence (and his name) was elected
Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS DURING TERM AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the
most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as
the most smog-ridden city in the United States.

Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions
in borrowed money.

Set the record for the most executions by any Governor in U.S.
history.

In 2000 Became President of the US after losing the popular vote by
over 500,000 votes. Was able to accomplish this with the help of my
brother who was Governor of Florida -- a pivotal state with many
voting irregularities that were never accounted for, or explained
Further assistance for obtaining Presidency came with the help of my
father's appointments of revisionist conservatives to positions in
the Supreme Court of the United States during his earlier term as
President.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

Attacked and occupied two countries.

Spent a large budget surplus created mostly by a previous Democratic
administration, and bankrupted the treasury.

Shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history of the US
Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12
month period.

Set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market.

First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation
by any president in US history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, was faced
with the worst security failure in US history.

Set the record for more campaign fund-raising trips than any other
president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs.

I've cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any
president in US history.

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than
any president in US history.

Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any
other president since the advent of television.

Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than
any president in US history.

First president to overtly and covertly work against the separation of
church and state by supporting the use federal funding for
religion-operated schools, religion supported anti-choice counseling
clinics, and religion-based Sexual Abstinence presentations in public
schools.

Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to
intervene when corruption was revealed.

Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to
use the national reserves as past presidents have.

Slashed healthcare benefits for war veterans.

Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
take to the streets to protest me and my policies (15 million
people), shattering the record for protest against any person in
history of mankind.

Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US
history.

My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US
history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US
history. (The 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a
Chevron
oil-tanker named after her).

First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union
simultaneously go bankrupt.

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market
in any country in the history of the world.

I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and
military occupation of a sovereign nation.

Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history
of the United States.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget-spending increases,
More increases than any president in US history.

First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US
from the human rights commission.

First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US
from the elections monitoring board.

I have removed many more judicial checks and balances, and have the
least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential
administration in US history.

I Refused to recognize Ecological concerns, or attend a World Wide
ecocological
Forum on Global warming.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

I withdrew from the World Court of Law.

Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war, and by
doing that I no longer abided by the Geneva Conventions.

I am the first president in US history to refuse access to United
Nations election inspectors (during 2002 US elections) for U.S.
elections.

I have undermined the abilities of women in other
countries to have personal
control of their reproductive capabilities -- by witholding foreign
aid
to groups providing birth control choices and family planning
information.

I complicitly and overtly support anti-choice political groups and
fundamentalist Catholic and Protestant Religious groups in order to
eventually remove birth control and other family-planning choices
and options from all females in the US.

I hold the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate
campaign donations received.

My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the
largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay,
former CEO of Enron Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US
history.

I was the first president in US history to unilaterally attack a
sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world
community.

First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and
then blatantly and shamelessly lied saying that the enemy had
obtained the code to Air Force 1).

First US president to establish a secret shadow government.

Took the biggest upwelling of world sympathy for the US after 911,
and in less than a year made the US the most resented and unpopular
country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US
and world history).

With a policy of 'dis-engagement' managed to create the most hostile
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. First US president
in history to have a majority of the people of Europe
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
stability.

First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more
threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who
violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations that
were bidding for
government contracts.

Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder congresional
leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After
18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

Failed to conclusively find "Weapons of Mass Destruction" that I
claimed would be found in Iraq after our invasion of that country.

In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully
prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure
in the history of the United States.

Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for US citizens than any
other president in US history.

In a little over two years I have created the most divided country in
decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the
Civil War.

Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less
than two years turned every single economic category-heading straight
down.

RECORDS:

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine. (Texas driving
record has been erased and is not available).

AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during time of war.
(But I was serving as an aide to a congressman at the time!)

Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away
to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and are un-available for
public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public
view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the
board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding
public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public
review.