A Top's Eye VIew.
I hope this will be fun, funny, complicated, opinionated and occasionally irritating. Say what you will. Agree, disagree, complain, rant, rave. It's fine. If I say something that offends you, go somewhere else. If you agree with me or any of my musings, please share this with your lifestyle compatriots.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Mainstream magazines are all atwitter with E.L. James' wildly successful book Fifty Shades of Grey, riding atop the New York Times Bestseller List (and holding steady for seven weeks!) even before it landed Stateside. Newsweek, ABC News, Chicago Tribune, Entertainment Weekly and Access Hollywood are all talking about this kinky "mommy porn" as it's been dubbed, whatever that is. In fact, it's this week's cover story on Newsweek.

E L James, a television segment producer for the BBC originally began submitting Twilight fan fiction online that became so popular she modified the work into her trilogy of BDSM-tinged spanking erotica. Now the book is out in the States selling like London Tanner implements at a vendor fair and a feature film deal has already been inked to the tune of USD$5 million.

The interesting thing isn't that people are eating up this fluffy bit of erotica, it's that the erotica is based in spanking, D/s and BDSM. Though Newsweek refers to Fifty Shades of Grey as "...[a] watered-down, skinny-vanilla-latte version of sadomasochism" I'd say low-cal latte versions of our particular brand of kink hitting the mainstream is better than having it vilified.

Evidently, like home video made porn more mainstream and the internet made it really explode, devices like Kindles, iPads and Nooks are allowing women readers in droves to surreptitiously get moist on busses, subways, airplanes and office cubicles without worrying about anyone catching the main character's bondage tie on the slipcover. Again, all good things.

Could Fifty Shades of Grey be the trojan horse us kinksters have been looking for to get people more accepting and interested in kink, or at least something more blushingly acceptable as a good bit of over-the-knee spanking. Could a satisfied rader of E L James' work lead to a search of Amazon and discovering the works of other writers, such as Erica Scott or onto Bethany's Woodshed?

Of course, we had last year's A Dangerous Method in which sexy, skinny Keira Knightley of Pirates of the Caribbean fame got tied to a bedpost and spanked, which also couldn't hurt our "cause" and could lead to people discovering more straight-ahead spanking videos.

Newsweek says: "It is intriguing that huge numbers of women are eagerly consuming myriad and disparate fantasies of submission at a moment when women are ascendant in the workplace, when they make up almost 60 percent of college students, when they are close to surpassing men as breadwinners, with four in 10 working women now outearning their husbands, when the majority of women under 30 are having and supporting children on their own, a moment when-in hard economic terms-women are less dependent or subjugated than before."

Yes, it is intriguing. Is it simply because women feel they are empowered enough, strong enough and open enough to say what they want without fear of being dragged by the hair back into the cave? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Psychology Today estimates that between 31-57% of women entertain fantasies of forced sex. For all the control women are getting in the world today, are these put-together, go-getter, fast-paced, type-A in-control ladies really looking for a little release once in a while? And for those not compelled enough to seek it out in person, does a little fluffy semipornographic kinky erotica just the thing to help them out? Or am I oversimplifying the situation?

In Fifty Shades, the heroine Anastasia Steele isn't a kinkster herself, she's in love with one, so she's willing to subject herself to his pain, punishments, domination and humiliations in order to be with him. Perhaps that's part of the allure. Vanilla women can relate to Anastasia because she's not "fucked up" like most of my Kinky Friends and I are here. Maybe that makes it okay. Perhaps it's just because it's a romanticized fantasy.

I posit it's just the books' Snickers-like approach: a little firm, a little soft & chewy and just the right amount of nuttiness to satisfy. It's not too weird as to truly offend (okay, it'll always offend those on the far, far right, but so does mainstream non-kink that may just be a bit too promiscuous for their Puritanical tastes, for Pete's sake) but racy enough to go beyond the typical Harlequin cookie cutter.

It doesn't matter to me. Any PR for spanking is good PR as far as I'm concerned. E L James has two more books in the trilogy out, already on the Best Seller list as well, I'm told. I eagerly await a day when we don't have to skulk around hotels with paddles under our trenchcoats on our way to a suite party or regale our posts online to "fringe" blogs like this one.

I am eager to hear your thoughts on this one, Kinky Friends.

[Updated April 24, 5:30 p.m.: This post originally reported that E L James' two additional books in her trilogy were forthcoming in the States. As noted by a Commenter, they are already out in the U.S. The post has been corrected.]

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Previously I had reported on the development of teledildonics, the ability to interact with sex toys long distance in order to provide sexual pleasure to another. Well, it's no long science fiction and no longer the exclusive territory of South Korea. Teledildonics have come to America!

A company called Mojowijo is now offering his and hers sex toys that connect to a Wii controller and can be manipulated by a partner far, far away. Users connect the Wii to their PC (Macs don't work--boo!) and then shake the Wii on their end to create stimulating vibrations on the other. Of course, the woman's seems quite mainstream in terms of the g-spot friendly dildo, but the guy's device looks as though you might be getting jacked off by a limbless war veteran or Bender from Futurama (both of which are likely their own kinks with at least a small populace).

Nonetheless, the future is here! We can have sex long distance! If we don't get our flying cars at least we can have this! I don't know about the rest of you, but I welcome our robotic overlords.

(Special thanks to Lizzie for providing the info from a legit article on Slate.)

Friday, April 20, 2012

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

This is a legit class at University of Minnesota. It's not a college course, it's just happening at the U of M. I love the idea of this at a legit college, that students could take a course in Safer Sex, Kinky Communication, Japanese-style Rope Bondage and more.

If you were in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area you could have gone to this a few weeks ago. And if you did go, please tell us how it went.

Now if only there were college courses for OTK, breast torture, sensation play...

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I've been out of the country off an on for seven out of the last 12 weeks. I'm glad to be back, my work on the project in the UK done. Now I can focus on other projects in other parts of the world: the Middle East, Asia, the U.S. I can't seem to get my head above water since I've been back, just a little over a week now. So many things to catch up on: bills, a month's worth of mail...Oh look! The fridge is empty. There's (shockingly) a month's worth of laundry to do.

None of this has anything to do with kink or spanking or BDSM. In fact, the image I chose for this entry doesn't have anything to with it either. I just like the pic. I wish when I was overwhelmed or just focused on other things I could come up with something clever to write. But it doesn't seem to really work like that for me.

Catching up at work has been a bitch. Catching up on relationships even harder. I neglected a few things in all these recent travels. Worse, I've neglected a few of them even longer. Not good.

I'll get back on track. The words will return. The wit and mildly amusing charm will, too. Until then, as I've done in the past, I kindly ask that you simply bear with me, Kinky Friend. I have lots to say, it's just finding the time and mindset to say it.

About Me

Motto: Conversio Virium (latin for "exchange of forces")
I am a MDHL (Male Dominant Het Leather) and am a proud member of the Monarchs. I am a Master and daddy to Lizzie.
I believe discipline, caring attention, focused instruction and mastery of myself and my sub are the first steps in a meaningful D/s relationship. I'm enjoy bondage, impact play, spanking, erotic humiliation, humiliation & debasing, and scenes mixing sex and delivery of pain. I feel true protocol comes from respect, trust, communication and understanding.
Because of my work and family I live the lifestyle 24/7 as best I can and am happy to have the balance I have.
I enjoy not just finding play partners but meeting new people, making new friends and appreciating the connections that come from that. The serendipity I discover in meeting great people in the scene has been a pleasant surprise.