Kayaking Fisherman and His Dog Attacked By Alligator (Video)

Being the closest thing, aesthetically speaking, to fucking dinosaurs, alligators are terrifying. Stalking you and your loved ones as you go tubing at that guy-you-call-uncle-who-isn't-really-your-uncle-just-your-dad's-friend's lake house, waiting to take you to your watery grave. A man inFlorida has narrowly avoided such a fate (okay, that's a bit hyperbolic, but gators are scary, so deal with it).

Thomas Swiader Jr. took his kayak and his girlfriend's dog, Buffy, out for a relaxing (hah!) fishing trip on Wednesday afternoon. Not long after setting sail, an alligator charged from underwater and lunged at him, jaws wide, hungry for human flesh. The gator then whacked Swiader with its tail and swam under the kayak, knocking little Buffy into the water. Thankfully, this fish tale doesn't end with blood in the water, as all parties escaped unscathed.

For some reason, Swiader was wearing a helmet cam, which is apparently a thing regular people have, and caught the attack on video and then also inexplicably added really weird ambient Elder Scrolls-esque music. so you can watch it five times and run through the scenario in your head, imagining how you would've totally jumped on that gator's back and wrestled the shit out of it.