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Welcome to Law.com’s Midweek Recess, in which we round up some tasty tidbits from the week’s legal news cycle. We’ll be here every Wednesday, so grab a cup of coffee and take a little break. It’s all downhill to the weekend from here.

Not ‘Wild’ about You - Joe Francis, of Girls Gone Wild fame, is ticking off a judge by refusing to return three cars belonging to his now-bankrupt company. Francis claims that he couldn’t retrieve the cars (which are “(i)a 2007 Cadillac Escalade… (ii)a 2012 Bentley flying Spur… and (iii) a 2012 Bentley Flying Spur,” in case you care) because a Mexican strip club owner took them as a consolation prize after a promotional deal between Girls Gone Wild and his, erm, venue, fell through. Francis’s lawyer argues that he cannot pay cash for the cars because “he doesn’t have any money.”

Sandra Klein of the U.S. Bankruptcy Court was unimpressed with that argument. She opined that Francis “seems to have a rather nice lifestyle” for someone who’s totally impoverished, citing his recent Mexican voyage with Kimye as evidence. She also noted in the court papers that Francis’s story about the strip club owner was somewhat “suspect,” since he keeps changing his mind about where the club is supposedly located.

Klein recommended that an arrest warrant be issued for Francis for civil contempt, pending his return of the vehicles and his payment of fees he owes the new trustees of Girls Gone Wild.

We understand that Francis is upset about his fall from whatever sort of grace it is he once had. We get that he probably just wants the cars as a reminder of the times when he was able to make tons of money off exploiting young women. Nonetheless and even so–really? Might be time for him to call his friend the adult entertainment impresario and get them back. Bentleys are nice, but not so much worth jail time.

We’re not sure about the nature of the criminal case, but we gather it was a stressful one for the jurors, requiring lots of diagrams and plenty of liquid courage. Or they were all just bored out of their minds and looking to get a rise out of the clerk and the judge, in which case, well … we’re with you, Florida friends. We’re with you.

The result? Pure high-court-nerd delight. If you like this sort of thing, you’ll spend an inordinately gleeful ten minutes clicking through the slideshow of The Nine in action-hero gear (it definitely makes a change from the robes).

So, who was whom? Well, we don’t want to give it all away, but, a few tidbits (PARTIAL SPOILER ALERT): Justice Clarence Thomas is Hawkeye, because, as Klepper puts it: “Hawkeye claims, ‘I see better from a distance.’ Thomas sees constitutional issues from 227 years’ distance.”

Justice Stephen Breyer is Batman, which makes us happy, partially because we feel like he would really get a kick out of it. And RBG is Wonder Woman. Obviously.

In Alaska Law School We Trust…or Maybe Not - Ever thought about visiting Alaska, or, better yet, studying law there? Well, one woman decided to take matters into her own hands and create its first in-state legal institution, which she questionably named “Alaska Law School, In God We Trust.” Sounds like a great idea, right? The only problem is that no one approved its establishment, according to the Alaska Dispatch News. The Alaska Commission on Postsecondary Education now wants the state attorney general to issue a cease and desist notice to Daun DeVore, the law school’s purported founder and dean until the situation is resolved.

The school’s website, thealaskalawschool.com, is now defunct, but it reportedly described some very unique educational offerings. For instance, law students tired of taking classes and seminars in boring, old classrooms might instead take them inside two large ships (yes, you read that correctly). The school promised “a global law library of Alexandrian proportions, comprised of hard copy law books, many in their original languages world wide.” In addition, the school would host “a talent show and Reindeer Award (much better than an Oscar)” for Alaska’s legal community.

While the whole enterprise sounds like it has the potential to give new meaning to the phrase “cruising through law school,” it seems like it’s most likely a sham. Too bad. We kind of wanted a Reindeer Award.