Poor old Britney. Once again used by outside interests and corporations. Men, mum, record label, paps - they've all used Brit to make cash with no regard to her mental health. After years at the top of pop and some of the greatest pop songs of the last decade she couldn't get arrested at MTV awards ceremonies. Now, as US pop looks, for once, so second rate that it can't break out beyond tween circles, Viacom uses the poor, fragile, obviously over- medicated ex-pop star for publicity and news. One of the least impressive, least bought records suddenly make her a star. Yeah right. Nothing should be able to withstand this amount of cynicism. Death to the Video Music Awards!

Russell Brand tried to smash the mediocrity, at least.Enjoy the online comments, many more like this one:"Russell WHO? I didn't realise this show was an Osama(sic) campaign rally. Imagine if Cedric the Entertainercame to London and did a bit about MargaretThatcher and Alzheimers." Nick, Austin TX, USAhttp://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1594254&vid=272743

Chris Morris. Role model for news and comedy shows on TV. He has a brilliant new show idea. The Brass Eye provocateur has written a comedy about a Jihadi wannabe suicide bomber cell in the North of England. It's funny and topical. The perfect TV show? Well, maybe to you and me. To the BBC and C4, the channels we hear he offered it to, it's not. They've said no to it. Possibly too scared at the subject content?

Did you see the recent "Airline Plot" terror trial? The jury didn't convict but on the same day, the BBC thought it was appropriate to use their news programmes to attack that jury, and put out a Panorama show called "The Airline Plot" - when a jury had decided that no such plot existed. And Morris can't get his show commissioned!

-----------------------------------------------------A DRC Government minister has ordered a Kinshasa jailto release a dozen goats. They were to appear in court,charged with being sold illegally by the roadside.-----------------------------------------------------

>> BBC: arse from elbow? << Can you teach a dog New Tricks

The BBC has a series called New Tricks which is incredibly successful It stars popular but uncool actors James Bolam, Amanda Redman and Dennis Waterman as detectives. It's proved a massive hit with viewers. All good? You'd think. Except BBC suits HATE it. And its success. BBC Drama has targets, focus group works and demographics to hit and this doesn't. Cue soul searching, and bitter recriminations among executives who don't think this should be BBC output.

-----------------------------------------------------Best new film to look forward to: JCVD. The storyof an actor called Jean-Claude Van Damme. Starringan actor called Jean-Claude Van Damme.-----------------------------------------------------

>> Horsing around << You couldn't make it up

The Bobbi Brown concession at Selfridges has a lot of wealthy or famous customers. Recently a wealthy Arab sheik turned up to buy make up. He wanted it for... his white stallion. He gave a photo of the horse to staff and asked them what he needed to make-up the horse to look beautiful. He walked off with a haul including brushes, eye shadows, blushers, gel eyeliner, and make up remover - costing more than three grand.

-----------------------------------------------------Webbed feet, like Rachel Stevens and, it appears,dozens of Popbitch readers have, apparently are asign that your ancestors came from Venice.-----------------------------------------------------

>> Drop the pilot << They know everything about everyone

One of the best sites now is the Professional pilots Rumour Network. Here's the latest celebrities-on-planes news

"Cilla Black - she should be shot" "You don't talk to Ms Black. Ms Black will talk to you. Ms Black only sits in 1".

"Michael Winner. Words fail me at how important he thinks he is".

"Jodie Kidd - she is Michael Winner in drag".

"Friend works on check-in and has witnessed Madonna throwing her toys out twice - once over not being able to sit in 1A on Concorde and another time over not being allowed her excess luggage free.

Every week we get thousands of emails from readers. Sometimes PR companies try to smuggle stories in. Which do you think this is from - PR or genuine fan?

"I here from a PA at a big publishing company that there is a bidding war in progress for the auction of the first official Leona Lewis book to be published in 2009 ...... Sound exiting for her global fans and I am one... I am sure it will be great. T"

-----------------------------------------------------Roger Fisher from Heart has pledged he'll give theroyalties earned from his song Barracuda being playedfor Republicans straight to the Obama campaign.-----------------------------------------------------

>> God hates the UK << And Ireland, apparently

"Have we told you lately that God hates the UK?" The lovely Phelps family of Westboro Baptist Church, aka the God Hates Fags gang, have a new target: the UK.

Apparently we're being punished for our "fag enabling ways". They blame: The Church of England, "Enough said about that filthy false religion". And the Government, "Its head is the Sovereign, Queen Elizabeth, II. That’s right - the exact same Queen Elizabeth, II, who is the head of the Church of England." No shit, Sherlock.

And God's punishment: London tornado in 2006 (6 injured), the 2003 European heatwave "which included the U.K" and last but not least, the Black Plague (1666, when sodomy was very illegal).

-----------------------------------------------------JS writes: "David Walliams was in Wagamama Dublin.Very unassuming and has lost weight. IDNSH noodles."-----------------------------------------------------

>> Horse play << Nagging the best man

Australian weddings can be weird things. A stag night in Sydney recently went so wrong it went to court. Everything was going well, the stripper was popular, until the best man was called upon to do his bit. He ended up on all fours, with the stripper on top of him, brandishing a dildo. The, apparently conservative best man is said to have told the stripper, "don't put it in". "Moments later the best man squinted and got up quickly, calling the stripper an idiot and telling her to leave", the court heard.

"I feel that my manhood has dropped a bit," he told police in his statement.

And the name of the stripper who ended up "riding him like a horse"? Linda Naggs.

-----------------------------------------------------The three Jonas Brothers have a secret handshake.One of them is diabetic.-----------------------------------------------------

>> Love wars << Bristol hits the baby news again

France's Minister of Justice, Rachida Dati, has announced she is pregnant, but isn't going to say who the father is. Spanish media has started to report that one celebrity is denying he is the father. Ex-President Jose Maria Aznar. Apparently the two have been friends for a while, and were spotted recently partying at Paris' Bristol hotel with the Sarkozys and Julio Iglesias. Aznar, you may remember, made his name on his Islamaphobia. Dati is half Morrocan and half Algerian.

-----------------------------------------------------Anon writes: "Just seen your story on CaroleCadwallader. She was sued once by a celebrity Brazilianwaxer and landed the Observer with a ฃ12k damages billfor a three paragraph article. Not the brightest...?"-----------------------------------------------------

>> Sin City << Leather nights of Berlin

Last weekend was the Folsom Street Fair fetish event in Berlin. The main party, PiG, was held at a huge power station in Rummelsburg, East Berlin. There were more than 3000 men in fetish gear. Including George Michael. Nowadays gay pop stars' dream is a West End Show. At least George still shows them how it's supposed to be done.

George has, rightly, been named as one of Britain's top gays by Godhatesfags.com. Well they call it "Poster Children for Sin" but we prefer to accentuate the positives. Making up the top five are Sir Elton John, Nicholas Boles, Sir In McKellen and Boy George.

-----------------------------------------------------Jenna Dewan, the girl who Justin Timberlake leftBritney for, is getting married to Channing Tatum, whowas brilliant in A Guide To Recognising Your Saints.-----------------------------------------------------

>> Techdance << Ashton Kutcher gets on the web

Techcrunch 50 is, apparently, the Sundance of the Tech Industry. It took place this week in San Francisco, and Ashton Kutcher went along to launch his new website. How 2001 of him! Our spy said:

* Demi Moore spotted wandering around "looking shiny and expressionless" And she nearly broke someone's nose trying out a Wii style golf game on an iPhone. * Ashton Kutcher "seemed to have B.O." * Samantha Ronson DJd the Facebook afterparty: "She did actually mix the records herself (unlike Geldof, Lawler etc) but she wasn't very good at it." * Jack Johnson played the iPod press conference. "He was rather good." * Steve Jobs not dead, looks better than he did. * Steve Wozniak is fat, but good-natured and posed for photos with awestruck geeks.

++ Top FortyFLOBOTS HandlebarsCANCER Just Stand UpMCFLY LiesBASSHUNTER Angel In The NightQUEEN & PAUL ROGERS C-LEBRITYSAM SPARRO Black & GoldFLO RIDA ft WILL I AM In The AyerMIA Paper PlanesELBOW One Day Like This

Old Jokes Home:A deaf old man goes for a checkup to the doctorswith his wife.Doctor, slowly: "Mr Roberts, I need a urine sample,a faeces sample and a sperm sample please"."What did he say dear?" says old Mr Roberts.Mrs Roberts: "He says he needs your underpants".