Gifts – Behind the Scenes

I’m linking up with Crystal Stine today for Behind the Scenes. Snap a picture and tell the story about what you don’t see. The whole truth about the picture. It’s fun and heartfelt. Join us?

There is an outcropping of rocks by the lake. A jut of used concrete, boulders and twisted rebar. This mass of cement used to create a retaining wall and a channel for all the happy boaters doing summer on Lake Huron.

And just here where the Pine River meets one of the Great Lakes is where I found God… again last summer.

What you see here is the blue of the water, small tufts of white floating like pearls on diamonds. You can catch a glimpse of the beauty that will be the day. The hot summer sun casting shadows across the ground. Shadows that beckon you to follow as one lazy day shifts and flows into another. No time schedules, no rules, no bedtimes, no agenda, just day after day of nothing planned.

In this picture you see the flat surface of a piece of concrete perched high in the air. You see the soft blanket I carried down to the river that morning and my journals and pens. You see a place of reflection and purpose. You see inspiration.

What you can’t see is the book that is buried under my purple journal. The one that I almost glanced over in the bookstore because I was on a mission to find something else. You can’t see the inside of that small colourful journal; a list of gifts that had just been born.

What you can’t see is me. The one who sat on that perch and whispered fear and doubt out to the waiting water. You can’t see the first tears that fell as I cracked open the spine of that book. You can’t see my hands trembling as I tried to make it past the first words, the first chapter. Word after word was like an arrow shot sure and true by a Master Archer, straight into the waiting heart.

What you can’t see is the ugly gift I offered my King. My stubborn pride, my cynicism, my fears and doubts, all of that mess I held cupped in my hand and offered it to God. And on that day when I felt His whisper close to my ear I asked Him to help me start fresh. To help me find joy in the middle of a time when walking away, giving up seemed to be the path of least resistance.

And with these words by Ann Voskamp blurring in my vision: “When we find ourselves groping along, famished for more, we can choose,” I listened intently to hear the words that God was whispering soft into my ear…

“Tonya, daughter, beloved… Do you want to be saved?” “Yes,” I whispered into the breeze“Than give it to me”“What?” I asked “Your heart,” He said. “Really, this? You want me to give you this?” It was a paltry offering, an ugly gift “Yes” What you can’t see in the picture is God taking this cracked heart. This split right open and ugly heart. You can’t see His holy breath warm the stony edges. You can’t hear His soft murmurings as He coaxed a heartbeat out of hardness.

You can’t see that on that day. That hot and steamy day last summer – I chose joy and salvation.

Tonya – This is just beautiful. To remember the time (or times) that He meet us right where we were. Meeting us in deepest darkest ugly times. I love seeing now how He has taken the you that was there that day and grown you into such a beatuiful heart who is such an encouragement to me even though we have only met online. Thank you for sharing both your old ugly heart and your new beautiful heart.