Month: February 2016

You Should Know: While serving in Vietnam, he was regularly drenched with Agent Orange. Now he’s suffering through the effects of all the abuse he endured in the military while struggling to get treatment from the VA. And find steady work in a time when senior citizens are not considered employable.

You Should Know: This campaign began when two friends in Buffalo, NY watched a Republican debate and felt everyone there was an a-hole. So why not come up with a candidate who is a real a-hole? Sydney lent her name, and posterior, to the presidential bid and the Buttocks crew was shocked when the FEC approved of their bid.

You Should Know: Never one to shrink from challenging herself, she’s worked as everything from a professional dancer to a welder to a Disney character. To a go-getter like this, running for president isn’t crazy. Rather, it’s crazy not to take advantage of this democratic opportunity.

You Should Know: Using the name Satish Dat Beast, he has made several rap videos for his own songs (with titles such as “Three Car Garage” and “Looking For My Dimepiece.” He failed to pass his bar exam four times, but insists this gives him more time to spend running for Commander in Chief.

You Should Know: She’s a hugger. And nobody offers a blessing that’s more sincere than the Reverend. Life has never gone easy for this woman of God but she’s working constantly now for any and every civil rights cause that needs her help.

You Should Know: She’s living in a shack in the Ozarks, trying to raise her severely autistic 19-year-old son with no income, yet still spends any cash she has to bake goodies she’ll sell to raise money for her campaign. Life has never been easy – her schooling was so bad that she had to teach herself to read and write – but she isn’t the type to let anything stop her.

You Should Know: This amateur boxer’s dad was in jail almost from the time Luis was born. His mom gave him up to foster care and was later murdered. And he didn’t graduate from high school till age 21.

You Should Know: He is a Hell’s Angels biker, and one of his jobs while in the Navy was to notify families when a loved one had died. God told him he’d be president someday, and who was he to mess with God’s suggestion?

You Should Know: While he admits to living a hermit-like existence on his 13-acre ranch, he is virtually never alone because he’s surround by pigs, ducks, donkeys, countless old boats and computers he’s trying to fix and hundreds of Post-It Notes containing his ideas for fixing the country.