Related

After the vice-president at Insights West conducted a major poll that shows most British Columbians are worried about the decline of politeness, he acknowledged he is most put off by what can happen in lineups.

“This is the one that gets me the angriest. Respecting queues is the essence of the way a society is supposed to operate. It’s a system based on equality.”

Canada has a reputation around the world as having generally pleasant and polite citizens, said Canseco, a 40-year-old who immigrated to B.C. from Mexico in his early twenties.

But Canseco’s October poll of more than 700 British Columbians shows that 62 per cent believe we have become less polite in just the past five years.

Half of British Columbians surveyed had witnessed “someone cutting into the line at a store or counter” in the past month.

Such behaviour is not acceptable, Canseco suggested. He is among other B.C. trendspotters who commented on how, before the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Chinese officials provided courses urging citizens to stop butting into lineups. It’s offensive, they were told. It disrupts social harmony.

Some things about politeness, or manners, are culturally relative. In the scheme of things in Metro Vancouver, it is not really important which knife one uses for buttering bread. Or whether one slurps while drinking soup, an accepted practice in regions of Asia.

However, given that there is basically no moral defence for cutting in front of others in a lineup, Canseco is among those discouraged to hear that queue-jumping is widespread in B.C. — and many believe it’s growing worse.

As with lineups, Canadian society has been clear in letting all citizens know that littering is forbidden. Still, Insights West found 78 per cent of B.C. residents had seen “someone littering or leaving trash behind in a public space.”

Some other etiquette situations Insights West probed were less morally clear-cut. They related to ethical dilemmas, in which British Columbians might be unsure about whether a behaviour is actually wrong.

For instance, there is no hard and fast rule people should always say “please” and “thank you.” But Canseco is convinced Canadians have a reputation for doing so around the world, including in the countries that supply most of our immigrants.

When the pollster told respondents that “it is often said that Canadians say please and thank you more than others” and asked them what they now experience, a disturbing one in three British Columbians said they have been hearing fewer pleases and thank yous in the past five years.

‘Sets us apart’

“Such politeness is what sets us apart as a country. People around the world say, ‘Canadians are so nice.' It’s why I moved here,” Canseco said.

In parts of the United States, Europe or Asia, one often does not hear pleases and thank yous, Canseco said.

If Canadians become less inclined to maintain such social graces, he said, “it would be like taking maple syrup out of the Canadian equation.”

The Insights West poll did not measure which acts of politeness British Columbians find most important. Some acts of etiquette are even more culturally relativistic than whether to say please and thank you.

Six out of 10 British Columbians, for instance, said they had seen someone in the past month “chewing with their mouth open.” But, on most people’s scale of evil, enthusiastic eating might come in fairly low.

Ditto for “someone interrupting or talking over while you while you are speaking.” Three out of four British Columbians said they’d experienced this form of abrupt behaviour in the past month.

Still, as one Vancouver Sun editor who understood the pressure of business deadlines acknowledged, “I have to talk over people all the time.” Otherwise, it can be hard to get things done on time.

All is not speed, insensitivity and rudeness on Canada’s West Coast, either. There was uplifting news buried in the apparent downward slide in manners.

It seems chivalry is not entirely dead, for instance. Four out of five British Columbians told Insights West that in the past month they noticed “someone holding a door open for a stranger.”

In addition, 45 per cent of those who use transit said they had witnessed “someone giving up their seat for a person who is disabled, pregnant or elderly.”

Indeed, it seems the car-congested mean streets are more of a concern for British Columbians than bus and rapid transit travel.

Three out of four British Columbians said they’d recently witnessed motorists cutting someone else off on the road.

And, asked where they most often are confronted by “impolite or rude” behaviour, the highest proportion of British Columbians (72 per cent) said it occurred while they are in a car.

The other situations in which British Columbians said they were most likely to confront rudeness were while using social media (62 per cent of those who use it), shopping at a store (50 per cent of all residents), in the workplace (48 per cent of those who work in an office), using public transit (47 per cent of those who use public transit) and walking on the street (43 per cent of all residents).

Who, or what, is to blame for such inconsiderate and passive-aggressive behaviour?

Parents, technology blamed

Most British Columbians pointed fingers at “parents failing to teach their children proper behaviour (93 per cent). That culprit was followed by “technology that makes people talk face-to-face less often (84 per cent).”

Liberally spreading around the blame for social decay, three out of four British Columbians believed the decreasing level of civic behaviour on the West Coast could be attributed to “people being too busy.”

The same proportion targeted tasteless popular culture, citing “the influence of television and movies” and “poor examples from celebrities, athletes and other public figures.”

And more than half saw examples of moral decline in “politicians who engage in personal attacks.” Women and people over age 55 were slightly more discouraged about British Columbians’ levels of politeness, with people 18 to 34 somewhat less upset. However, in general, all genders and ages expressed strong concern about reduced civility.

Farid Rohani, head of Vancouver’s Laurier Institution, a think-tank devoted to trying to make Canadian multiculturalism work more effectively and creatively, shares Canseco’s concerns. In our increasingly fragmented culture, he would like to see Canadians put greater emphasis on upholding values and rules of etiquette we can share in common.

Rohani is looking for ways to help the country’s diverse inhabitants engage fully in a true civil society.

“Canadians today lack a common purpose,” asserted Rohani, a Baha’i who was raised in Iran and came to B.C. as a teenager. It’s hard to create a shared vision, he said, in a globalized society.

Canada’s special challenge

Even though Rohani pointed out that virtually every generation has complained that the upcoming generation is not as virtuous as their own generation, he thinks Canada has a special challenge.

While ethnic diversity has enriched the country in many ways, Rohani believes it’s also made it harder for people in Canada to agree on which behaviour is socially beneficial and required and which is offensive and needs banning.

Rohani lamented that it’s become commonplace for B.C. drivers to insult each other by “using the finger.” And he talked about how Canadians haven’t decided on many large and small matters of etiquette, including how much people should allow themselves to smell of garlic or cologne.

How can Canadian society emphasize what everyday behaviour is acceptable and unacceptable?

One idea Rohani had is for governments to offer courses on accepted standards of behaviour.

Even though it might be controversial, he can imagine Canada following the lead of some northern European countries and requiring would-be immigrants to take such classes, in addition to the citizenship tests they must already pass regarding Canadian history.

Separate from courses, Rohani and Canseco had other cautious recommendations on how all Canadians could respond to what many British Columbians believe is a decline in manners.

But there is an obstacle in that regard: Canadians generally don’t like to make a scene. As Canseco says, “Canadians are very careful to avoid confronting” those who might be behaving badly.

In that way, Canadians are stuck in an apparent contradiction. They have a global reputation for being polite, but they’re not effective at reminding others when they’re being rude.

As Canseco says, Canadians often leave it up to bus drivers, for instance, to tell passengers to move their backpacks out of the way so others can get on or find a seat. “There’s a fear of being the person who calls out someone else on something.”

But there are times — from strata council meetings to busy coffee bar lineups — where Canseco suggests it is appropriate to quietly point out to a fellow Canadian that he or she has acted unfairly or impolitely.

Even though one should try to be gracious in such awkward situations, Rohani added that Canadians have to watch that they don’t become silent and “hypocritical” — complaining privately about poor behaviour, but not doing anything to improve things.

Sometimes people who stress politeness can be superficial and even controlling. But, for the most part, Rohani believes upholding good manners is about something that is highly significant: “Putting selflessness above selfishness.”

Ultimately, he said, the best response to poor etiquette is to model good etiquette. That means saying “please” and “thank you,” giving up your bus seat, listening closely to workmates, not littering and respecting lineups.

SURVEY DETAILS: Results are based on an online study conducted by Insights West from Sept. 26 to Oct. 2, 2013, among 704 British Columbians who are over 18 years of age. The data has been statistically weighted according to Canadian census figures for age and gender. Insights assumed that the same margins of error apply as if it were a true unweighted random probability sample with a margin of error of +/- 3.7 percentage points, 19 times out of 20.

Comments

We encourage all readers to share their views on our articles and blog posts. We are committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion, so we ask you to avoid personal attacks, and please keep your comments relevant and respectful. If you encounter a comment that is abusive, click the "X" in the upper right corner of the comment box to report spam or abuse. We are using Facebook commenting. Visit our FAQ page for more information.

Almost Done!

Postmedia wants to improve your reading experience as well as share the best deals and promotions from our advertisers with you. The information below will be used to optimize the content and make ads across the network more relevant to you. You can always change the information you share with us by editing your profile.

By clicking "Create Account", I hearby grant permission to Postmedia to use my account information to create my account.

I also accept and agree to be bound by Postmedia's Terms and Conditions with respect to my use of the Site and I have read and understand Postmedia's Privacy Statement. I consent to the collection, use, maintenance, and disclosure of my information in accordance with the Postmedia's Privacy Policy.

Postmedia wants to improve your reading experience as well as share the best deals and promotions from our advertisers with you. The information below will be used to optimize the content and make ads across the network more relevant to you. You can always change the information you share with us by editing your profile.

By clicking "Create Account", I hearby grant permission to Postmedia to use my account information to create my account.

I also accept and agree to be bound by Postmedia's Terms and Conditions with respect to my use of the Site and I have read and understand Postmedia's Privacy Statement. I consent to the collection, use, maintenance, and disclosure of my information in accordance with the Postmedia's Privacy Policy.