Laughing my way through breakups + bad hair days

5 Secrets to a Great Night’s Sleep

I’m about to let you in on a little secret. I’m not necessarily proud of it, but it’s my reality, and I’m all about trying to be real with you guys, so here it is. There’s literally not been one weekday morning where I wake up and don’t lay in bed for 5 minutes thinking about calling in sick.

Ok, so that’s not that big of a secret because tbh, I know you all do it too. You can lie and shake your head no and be like, “omg me? I could never do that!!” But we all know you’re lying, so save it, sister. Just accept it and own it and know you’re not alone.

It’s not that I don’t like my job – I do! And honestly, the only reason I never actually do it is because I’m too terrified of the workload that would pile up for the day that I’m out. Not to pat myself on the back or say I’m special or anything, but the place would fall apart without me (lol kidding, mostly.) I just really am terrified of coming back into the office with 193 unread emails. You know the classic dad joke, “I need a vacation from this vacation”? That’d be me – I’d need a legit sick day from taking a “sick” day.

Part of this stems from the fact that I’m 24 and I still sometimes sit there and think, “lol ok guys, we get it, adults have jobs and bills and stuff but like, I’ve proved I can do it so when can I stop now??” But most of this stems from the fact that there’s no way in hell that I get enough sleep. And it’s not because I’m soo0o0 busy. Nope, it’s because I plan to go to bed around 10pm, and then I whisper to Netflix, “just one more episode.” Before I know it, I’m three episodes deep, I’ve re-painted my nails, organized my closet and started creeping my little brother’s ex-girlfriends new boyfriend on insta (I’m not impressed by him at all, if you’re curious). It’s sad how little willpower that I have. Also, This Is US on NBC controls my life now, and my schedule revolves around watching that show whenever I feel like I’m ready to cry. (Pro tip: If you’re not watching This Is US, you’re doing life wrong, and you should re-think your choices.)

I’m not here to be your mom and tell you to go to bed early so you can get 8 hours of sleep. That would make me a huge hypocrite. Instead, I’m here with 5 ways to work with the amount of sleep you’re currently getting and adding in a few tips + tricks to optimize the energy you have!

1) Make sure that your bedroom is set up as comfortably as possible.

I need my room practically pitch black and cool when I’m trying to sleep. I will never understand the people who can sleep in sweatshirts with 3 different blankets on top of them. That’s Satan’s way, IMHO, and I’m sorta judging you. Also, I’m about to hit you with some science. Your body temperature rises up to 2 degrees Fahrenheit while you’re sleeping, which is why if you do fall asleep with a sweatshirt on for some ungodly reason, you usually wake up at 2am sweating like a whore in church. I did a bunch of Googling for this (v. reliable info), and found that the ideal temperature for your room while you’re sleeping is between 60-67 degrees Fahrenheit. Some other lil fun tips to throw in there – I keep a large standing fan on all night. The white noise is good for blocking out the obnoxious sounds my neighbors make when they decide to smoke up on a random Tuesday at 2am (it’s a work night, damnit!). I also love having my room as dark as possible. I’ve started putting wearing a sleep mask at night so it blocks out all the light that comes in through my curtains and it’s been a freaking game-changer. Phina’s Place has a few different ones on sale, but I’m obsessed with this one here, because it’s so freaking chic and glam. This lady looks like a boss!

2) Get some protein in you, ASAP.

I know that we’ve been told our whole lives that breakfast is the most important meal of the time, and I don’t disagree. But the breakfasts that I’ve been having the last 24 years aren’t cutting it. Protein is actually the best thing you can eat in the morning, because it gives you tons of energy and keeps your body moving + alert. If you’re a chef then by all means, whip up something super fancy for yourself. If you’re like me and you legitimately haven’t cooked yourself a meal since 2013, then either suck it up and snack on a couple pieces of deli-sliced turkey, or splurge on a protein pack from Starbucks. I really like those (yaaas give me all the snacks), but they’re not that cheap and if you’re buying them on the daily, it adds up. The takeaway here: protein is your friend. Eat it , often.

3) Get some sort of exercise during the day.

You know how parents with little kids always talk about how much they love when their mini terror runs around all day with energy that you could never dream of? The reason they love it so much is because of what every single one of them follows up with: “they’re going to sleep like a pro tonight!” Truer words have never been spoken, friends. Think about every time where you have a really active day – you go home and pass tf out into a sleep so deep, you’re actually worried you wouldn’t wake up for a fire alarm. That’s because your body is soaking up the time it has to replenish. Even if you can’t exercise every day, make a point to get up and move around once an hour. I read that somewhere once and in the interest of full disclosure, I have no idea if that works or not. But it can’t hurt, ya know? PS.. If you need some motivation, check out my 3 Ways to Get Motivated for the Gym post, or my Best Cardio Playlist Ever post!

4) Don’t you dare hit that snooze button.

You, me, Beyonce and the pope are all guilty of hitting the snooze button once in a while. Apparently that’s like, a really bad thing to do. I’m v. interested in why the world hates me enough to try and take away the one thing I value in the morning, so I did some research. Thankfully, the nice people at Brown University summed it up pretty well.

“The body needs some time to get you ready to wake up. When you let yourself go back to sleep, your body thinks, “False alarm! I guess I didn’t need to do anything, because we’re not getting up after all,” and settles in. When that buzzer goes off a second time, Pelayo says that your body and brain are taken by surprise, resulting in that The body needs some time to get you ready to wake up. When you let yourself go bagroggy, fuzzy-headed feeling called sleep inertia. The more you snooze, the more confused your body and brain get (“So are we going back to sleep or not?!”), so you’ll probably feel more out of it even though you actually spent extra time in bed.”

Moral of the story? Stop being a bum and get up and get going.

5) Cave in to the caffeine.

Science is nice or whatever, but you’re not able to tell me I shouldn’t be having caffeine. I don’t care if it stunts my growth or causes an addiction. Whatever keeps me from falling asleep in a meeting with my boss and getting fired is OK by me. Weirdly enough, I actually hate coffee so I need to get my caffeine fix elsewhere. (Pro tip: Go to Starbucks and order a Dirty Chai. It’s a Chai Tea Latte that they pour a couple of espresso shots into. You can’t taste it, but you still get the caffeine jolt coursing in those veins. Ahhh, Starbs. My first love <3.)

Also, get yourself a cute mug, one that’ll make alllll the other mugs jealous. Mine is perfect and you can get it from Phina’s Place.

Do you have any other tips + tricks to handle insufficient sleep? Let me know about them!