This week I sat watching two dorky, funny English boys of indeterminate sexuality whip thousands of tween and teen girls (and some boys) into a squealing frenzy.

It was as thrilling for them as an ABBA concert was for me in my childhood but featured a new type of rock star: The YouTuber.

Dan and Phil have millions of young followers who watch them rate their breakfast, draw cat's whiskers on their faces, commentate and play online games, celebrate lions and llamas, advise young people about life dilemmas and share their existential crises.

They finished their show with a musical number celebrating how "life is better when you are online".

Keeping them safe. Discouraging them from sharing nude photos. Getting them to go offline. Predictably, many young women have reacted by calling out these sentiments as "victim blaming".

So let's talk about boys

The other day I was involved in a radio conversation about sex education in this era of sexting, gonzo porn and internet predators.

One of the most helpful callers was a man who worked with young men on developing healthy attitudes to women.

One of the least helpful texts was about a bloke who used porn to teach his young sons about sex and planned to shout them to an hour with a sex worker as a birthday present when they turned sweet 16. Father of the Year.

Yet I am excited about the fathers of today. Fathers who cuddle and kiss their boys on the footy field, who nurture, adore and proudly care for their kids.

I also find myself excited about the young boys of today. I see a generation of boys who are freer to be less macho, more balanced, more empathetic and more comfortable around women and female power.

They are growing up with girls who are strong, forthright and confident — often far more confident than they.

It is astounding that some gentle, sweet, kind, loving young boys are growing up to become vile pack animals who prey on girls online.

What happens? When do some boys decide they have a right to objectify and ridicule, belittle and degrade young women?

Parents are told at school meetings that the fault lies with a new, very dangerous world. The bedroom. We are told that into that bedroom comes 24-hour, non-stop access to gambling, gaming and hardcore pornography.

We are told that boys' first experience of sexual feeling is more likely to come by seeing porn than from sweet fumbling behind the shed with another boy or girl. That this porn floods our boys' brains with dopamine hits as powerful and addictive as cocaine. We are told technology is to blame.

Which may be true. But what is not being discussed enough is the context within which this technology operates.

A society and a culture that still condones a toxic masculinity where sharing illegally-obtained photos and degrading women is a bonding experience.

So how do we change this culture?

There are educational programs for our young people in schools that talk about healthy relationships, respect, empathy, equality, power and consent. These are delivered in PDHE and in special guest lectures and programs.

But parents need to be involved, too. We need to demonstrate respectful and empathetic relationships and call out boys' mistakes, attitudes and displays of entitlement or behaviour that is predatory or of a pack nature.

We need men to talk to their sons about the mob-shaming and exploitation of women. We need to help them find the strength to not participate and even stand up to that kind of behaviour.

We live in a society that celebrates a narrow definition of masculinity, yet we know few men actually fit into it.

I am preparing for the Sydney Festival of Dangerous Ideas by reading Neil Strauss's book The Game about pick-up artists.

Strauss suggests many men start out as lonely losers — not loved enough as children, lacking in social skills, angry at their lack of experience with women and the fact that they are not seen as attractive.

Their predatory behaviour and objectification of their conquests is revenge.

Families need to teach young men about relationships, love, desire, understanding, respect and empathy for others. If families cannot do it, others need to step in.

We also need public awareness campaigns. We have started this in approaches to domestic violence such as "Stop it From the Start" — now we need to expand it to what is healthy and what will not be accepted.

And we need new heroes.

Young men like the YouTubers I saw the other night, who are not creepy and predatory online but just silly and kind — two blokes who are confident enough in their masculinity to paint on cat's whiskers, dance in sparkly gear and entertain roomfuls of young girls and old mothers with their sweet, dorky divineness.