Thursday, July 13, 2017

My apologies for not having posted for quite some
time. Even during busy times, I would usually manage to sneak in a post or two
every month but the past six months have been quite something, to put it mildly
and euphemistically. Some parts I am personally responsible for, while others
have been thrust upon me unawares.

First off, since Christmas I had been ailed with
intense gum pains, which eventually led to the extraction not of one put two of
my teeth! Fortunately, they are not front row teeth but losing two generally
healthy teeth is hard to swallow. Both cases were due to irresponsible if not
downright careless actions by two different dentists: the first one had done me
a root canal but managed to leave a souvenir in the gums, a tiny broken piece
of equipment; the second one did not put in or fasten my crown properly leaving
room for bacteria to enter on the sly, which led to a subsequent infection and
copious amounts of pain. I had to be treated with antibiotics for one of the abscessed
teeth, while the other one remained a borderline infection case and that meant
that I had to refrain from drinking wine for a whole two weeks in a row!

My wine-drinking habit started about a couple of years
ago when I was facing a heavy workload and the precious red liquid helped to
ease and deal with the stress. While drinking wine I have come to appreciate it
not so much as an alcoholic beverage but rather as an art form in and by
itself. It is not just used to drink my sorrows away but to replenish myself
with life and vitality whilst discovering and developing a certain palate or
taste bud for this nectar of gods and goddesses. I am far from being a wine
connoisseur but I have picked up a thing or two along the grapevines.

But somehow even wine could not prepare me for what
was to come. I took in a heavier load than normal and ended up working pretty
much non-stop. No holy sabbath or idle Sunday for this middle-aged man! I was
tired and weary, and family time or any other time of quality for that matter had
to be reduced and downright sacrificed for the sake of work. All work and no
play, well you can imagine and fill in the rest.

Yet I am one who can generally deal with constant
stress, or so I thought. It turns out that by continuously living in survival
mode and not giving your body time to recover and to regenerate can only lead
to more serious problems. The workplace that used to give me joy and
encouragement and that appreciated and valued my intelligence and creativity had
undergone some unfortunate changes in management (and possibly ideology) and became
instead a blind and deaf place where choices were limited to either their way
or the highway, so I was forced to put on my wandering boots.

As a result, my stress levels skyrocketed and were
much higher than usual. I suddenly suffered symptoms I had only heard or read
about: I could not sleep well; I felt troubled and tormented with occasional
panic attacks, and highly unusual for me I just did not feel at peace anymore
within my skin.

I realized that many people suffer on a regular basis from
these symptoms and they – the symptoms not the people - are truly unpleasant
and overwhelming; I felt affinity with them and their suffering. Especially
now, I get angry at people who do not see this and assume that insomnia or
episodes of stress can be treated by simply relaxing or closing one’s eyes. It
cuts much deeper than that.

As usual, I try to see the positive side of things
although this optimistic side of me had been stifled and comprised within me. I
had support from colleagues and friends and I am entirely grateful for that. A
few words here and there and a hug felt like balsam on my soul. It is often in
times of need that one realizes how much love and care there is in people,
which then manages to come to the forefront. It creates a new bond that is to
stay even after the periods of stress, a glimpse of beyond the surface, the
true worth and value of a person. Of course, there are some who are nothing but
surface and lack worth, value and dignity, but that is better left unsaid here.

The other thing I learned was not to overvalue work.
Many of us see it tied up with our identity. We work very hard to establish a
name and career and take it to be the definition of who we are. But this is not
so. It can at best only be a fragment of ourselves. The workaholic (and I am a
recovering one myself) may not immediately see this, but there are other parts
and aspects to life than work. In the end, when you pour so much of yourself
into your work, you realize that at the end of the day, it does not amount too
much. People who have been loyal to companies for years can be replaced and are
essentially indispensable. I have seen and even felt it myself at times and it
can be all as empty as a Trojan horse when push comes to shove.

So for reasons of health and sanity, it is best to
find balance and moderation in everything. That extra push at the expense of
one’s personal relationships is not really worth it. Time will pass whether you
notice or not. We want to be doing what we enjoy the most and be with the
people we cherish most and not be dictated by the mandates of work. As the good
book says somewhere, there is a time and season for everything while a wise man
once advised us to avoid excess and seek only moderation.

These are the lessons that I learnt the hard way over
the past months but they needed to be learnt in that manner. That is when and
how you remember them best and cherish those findings most. It may feel like
turning your world upside down, but it is a necessary evil that can be turned
to your own advantage if you look closely enough. Long story short, this is why I
have neglected my joyful duty of writing and posting here and I hope it serves
as a genuine apology with the sincere hope that it shall not happen again.

6 comments:

Very glad you're back, Arash, & confident that these unwished-for events will continue to have a transformative effect and as you say, work to your advantage. I feel all the more confident after downloading "Love Affairs" and enjoying your originality of plot and expression; and also the depth of your thought. When I've finished it I'll be delighted to write a review.

Just checked out a review on "Silence". It didn't make me eager to order the DVD, I must admit. But that doesn't stop me being eager to read your reactions to it. I like your use of the word "approach" in this context. How does one approach a man-eating tiger? How do hedgehogs approach their mating season?

I hear you. I felt the same way at first until a co-worker recommended it to me. Not sure if I would recommend it myself but I found it quite interesting. And it has led to an upcoming post so it's worth it in the end...

I greatly enjoyed Love Affairs. Good fun, light-hearted, intelligent, original in style. But I’m sure you can do better, with this or your promised sequel. If you could send me your email address via my contact page I could send you some notes I started making at Portrait 4—things I liked, things I thought could help make it a smoother read. I note you’ve said somewhere that you don’t write for a living, but that you live to write. Which implies a readiness to put in any amount of effort, subject only to the inevitable commitments of paid work & family.