April 18, 2010

So my home life isn’t so great. I feel like I’m just taking up space. I can’t even tell my mom how I feel, any tips on how to go about letting her know what goes on in my head?

Charlee

Dear Charlee,

Whoa. Not quite a what’s your-favorite-color-question, is this? I think we’ve all felt like this, Charlee. You see so much drama in this world–whether on the news or in your own house. I know that sometimes it’s hard to believe that you matter. But you do. And not just because of your magic potential. Because you are a person, and every person on this planet has worth, and has the ability to touch others. In fact, the more you reach out to your family, to your friends, to other people dealing with their own issues, the more you realize your own capacity to love and BE LOVED. Nothing can make you feel more worthwhile than serving others.

As far as talking to your mom about this, well, I find it’s best to relate to someone when you are in a relatable situation. Tell your mom you’d like to have some time with her. Pick a place where you both feel comfortable and happy, maybe a favorite restaurant. Start off talking about things you both have in common–just something to get the conversation going. Then be honest with her like you have me. Tell her you don’t know how to get these feelings out, but they are there and you’d like to discuss it.

And if there is anything in your home life that is really bad, to the point you feel like another adult should know, I recommend also reaching out to a teacher or school counselor. My expertise is more limited to what shoes are hot in the new spring line, but there are adults there to protect you if you feel like you are not safe. From the tone of your note, I think this might not be the case, but thought I should mention it nonetheless.

I hope that helps. I didn’t know my mother, so I can’t speak from personal wisdom on that. But I will say I always wished for a mother, as I think that is a wonderful relationship that should be nourished.