It’s easy to get swept up in the fantasy that cloaks BDSM, but Innermind is here to bring us all back down to reality when it comes to the actual relationship part of kink.

It’s not fantasy island.

Kink is sexy as fuck. The majority of us was brought into this world by the allure of the sexiness of it. Whether it was the bound beauties, the latex mistresses or the muscular Doms holding a belt in one hand and their submissive by her hair in another, we’ve all seen those erotic tasty treats and we’ve all wanted to experience our kinks because of it.

On fet [FetLife] you’ll see images of dangling damsels in distress, submissives kneeling in anticipation and lots and lots of blow job videos. You’ll read some well crafted and not so well crafted bdsm themed erotica. You’ll also read about different perspectives on various issues in the lifestyle and see couples on here living out their D/s fantasies.

Something you won’t see often though, is the unsexy parts of what we do. And if you’re in a relationship, there’s going to be a lot that’s unsexy and not all fun and games. Because at the end of the day, if you’re looking for a relationship, you’re going to get a relationship. You can dress it up in protocols, labels, roles, contracts and expectations, but the bottom line is, it’s still a relationship, which is two or more people trying to relate to one another and build moments and memories as they create a life together.

I once had a female submissive tell me the reason she wanted to have a D/s relationship is because she was sick of all the problems she’s had in vanilla ones and that in a D/s relationship, there would be no arguments because her Dom would have the final word. I remember thinking, “are you fucking serious?”

Power exchanges don’t solve any relationship issues, it actually just gives you the opportunity to create more problems because of the complexity of it all. I personally find a D/s relationship richer and more fulfilling, but that’s because I’m predisposed to wanting this type of dynamic, not because power exchanges are inherently better than a vanilla coupling. Love is Love.

If you’re looking for the fantasy of all those beautiful images that drew you here to the first place, well keep it just play and part time.

But if you want something more, something intimate, beautiful, meaningful, powerful and hard as fuck to maintain, then go for the power exchange relationship instead. Just know it’s not a fantasy, it’s a real life relationship with real life issues. It will be challenging and sometimes overwhelming, but if you love the person who you’ve created the dynamic with, then even when it’s unsexy, frustrating and downright confusing, it’ll always be worth the price you’re willing to pay for it with your energy, love and effort you put into it.

It may not be fantasy island, but it’s still paradise when things are good, just expect a tropical depression to roll through ever once and awhile.