Random Nonsense - The Lazarus Bird

Thursday

Mar 7, 2013 at 2:56 PMMar 7, 2013 at 8:21 PM

Random Nonsense - The Lazarus Bird

Jamison Huhner

The Lazarus Bird

A true story. Well, most of it anyway. OK, some of it…

I left the house earlier today and returned fifteen minutes later to find, what appeared to be, a freshly deceased little bird (he wasn’t there when I left) lying by the front door, apparently the victim of an unsuccessful attempt at flying through the window of our front door. I stepped into the house, grabbed a paper towel, and carefully picked him up by the tail feathers to throw him into the garbage can by the curb when he suddenly blinked and gave me a “What the heck are you doing?” look. I put him back down so he could shake it off and he flopped around a bit and then flew to a railing just a couple of feet away. I went back into the house, leaving him to gather his wits. Thirty minutes later he was still sitting there with a look on his face like he wanted to come into the house and discuss what sort of favor he could do for me for having saved his life. I told him that my house was no place for a little bird, that a couple of three year old boys have assumed control of the place and it’s, well, dangerous and he wouldn’t last ten minutes in there. I said “You need to go on now, go back to your own kind, your own species, raise a family, live a good full life and stop flying into windows. He seemed disappointed, but was about ready to fly off anyway when I said, “Wait, there is one thing you can do. Please tell all your little friends to stop pooping on my truck.”

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