I don't know what happened, but it must have been serious because an Access-a-Ride supervisor arrived on the scene moments later:

I have to admit that I found the pretense that Access-a-Ride drivers are actually under supervision kind of charming, though I was disturbed by the presence of the ambulance since I don't like it when people get hurt. (At least physically.) At first I assumed the Access-a-Ride driver had hit somebody, but then I noticed that the driver was neither in his van nor in the police car, so I'm now going with the theory that the driver overdosed on whatever drug all these guys are taking and needed to be hospitalized. As such, I'm going to wish him a speedy detoxification and recovery. With any luck, he'll be well enough to kill again soon.

And while Access-a-Ride may be the "bad boys" of public transportation, Rock Racing are surely the "bad boys" of the pro bike racing circuit. However, it's possible that their days of ectoplasm-hued rebellion may be numbered, for yesterday I saw this:

Alarmed, I immediately made the Twitter rounds to see if there was any more info, and my first stop was Rock Racing's own feed:

While it does say they will "continue to race in 2009," it doesn't say who will be racing, or what races they'll be doing, or even what they'll race. For all we know Rock Racing is planning to become America's baddest competitive pigeon squad next year. And while a bunch of pigeons in neon-green lycra may be just the kind of shake-up that the American Racing Pigeon Union needs, it ain't bike racing, and that's what we all care about.

Thinking perhaps some pro riders were talking, my next stop was Lance Armstrong's Twitter, but all I learned was that he's been eating huge food and undergoing relentless drug-testing:

Incidentally, as of last Friday Armstrong had been tested once every 8.6 days since announcing his comeback, which put the Lance Armstrong Drug Test Index (LADTI) at 8.6. But with yesterday's test, the LADTI has dropped to 8.2. At this rate, the LADTI will be at 0 by the time the 2009 Tour de France starts and he'll be forced to race in one of those stillsuits from "Dune" so that he can be kept in a constant state of urinalysis.

I found Hincapie to be loving life. Moreover, he was obviously either unaware of or unconcerned with the possible fate of Rock Racing. I'm not sure if the "hot stone massage" means he was being pelted with hot stones, or if he was simply getting stoned and having a massage in the sauna. If the former, I suppose he's developed a fondness for that sort of thing after his many crashes in Paris-Roubaix. If the latter, it's lucky for him that he's evidently not subject to the same level of testing as Armstrong. I do hope Hincapie is as forthcoming as Armstrong in that regard, though, because I'd be very interested to know the GHDTI as well.

Well, true to form, Zabriskie was slinging plenty of irony (it doesn't get more ironic than listening to "Oliver!"), but he wasn't dishing out any dirt on Rock Racing. I was intrigued by his egg nog reference, though. Does he mean that he got some bad egg nog, then went to Chipotle? Or is he saying that they have bad egg nog at Chipotle? In either case, though, egg nog is surely the most ironic of the nogs, and it's definitely orders of magnitude more ironic than "traditionally" ironic beverages like Pabst. I bet he even had an ironic egg nog moustache after he drank it.

It was beginning to dawn on me that I was wrong to be focussing on the older riders. (Even Zabriskie is pushing 30). The truth is, they're too complacent to care about their Rock Racing brethren. Instead, they're wallowing around bloated on success, face-sized burritos, hot stone massages, and egg nog. No, I had to see what the younger generation had to say. So I checked in with Taylor Phinney:

Taylor's youthful energy was clearly boundless, and I found him to be alternately "chillin" and "slaying" with abandon. (Old people "rock" and "run;" young people "chill" and "slay.") But not even Taylor had anything to say about the possible demise of Rock Racing.

At this point I was despondent. Sure, I've been critical of Rock Racing. Sure, I've poked fun at Michael Ball. I suppose in my darkest moments I've even hoped for the demise of the team. But now that it's a possibility, I find I don't want it to happen. Not this way. Darn it, even if their style is more UFC than UCI I've grown attached to Ball and his pack of freaks. In fact, the possibility of their disappearance makes me so sad that I've created a Rock Racing Virtual Nostalgia Kit:

The BSNYC/RTMS Rock Racing Virtual Nostalgia Kit:Step 1: Launch this video, pause, and lower the volume all the way.Step 2: In a new window, launch this video. Make sure the volume is high, play video, and then minimize the window.Step 3: Return to the video in Step 1. Press play, watch with the new soundtrack, and commence uncontrollable sobbing.

I dare you not to be moved.

Regardless of what happens to Rock Racing though, it's clear they're going to have to change their approach. After all, we're in a recession now. Bling has blung. Austerity is the new chic, and even Michael Ball is going to have to fall in line. The first thing he should do is re-evaluate his equipment choice. Last year, Rock Racing rode De Rosa King 3s. Not only that, but they actually paid for many of the bikes themselves. And that's a lot of money. (Sure, they may be moving on to Fuji next year, but who knows what that sponsorship entails, or if it's still even on offer. Even Fugis might be too expensive given the tough economic climate.) To determine how much Rock Racing may have actually spent on bicycles this past year, I built up a similarly-equipped De Rosa King 3 on Wrenchscience:

Though I was forced to make some different component choices due to availability, you'll note that a De Rosa King 3 even more conservatively-equipped than the Rock Racing bike costs over $8,000:

At $895.95, that's only $21,502.80 to supply a 24-man squad. $21,502.80 won't even buy three DeRosas! And with that kind of savings, you can even outfit the whole team with training bikes, too. Of course, we are in a recession, so giving each rider his own training bike might be a bit extravagant. That's why I recommend this tandem frame from Chucksbikes:

That's 24 riders, two riders per frame, for a total cost of $4,200. Not only is it cost-effective, but it's also a team-building exercise, and it's way cheaper than sending the whole team to Tenerife to go surfing or something. Because at the end of the day, it's all about racing bikes. And for 2009, frugality is the new extravagance.

For a long time I've thought originality to be a dead concept in creative ventures. First it was movie remakes, then 'ironic' cover songs by 'ironic' bands. Now it appears that every city in the US (and beyond, thanks interweb!) is likely going to have Bike Snob attached to its initials/name in bloggerville. BSNYC, those better be some looooong coat tails trailing behind you.

Here's where things get really weird. Michael Ball, the English singer and actor, recorded a version of "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)" on his "Back to Bacharach" album. Any relation to Rock Racing's Michael Ball? I don't know, but it seems like more than a mere coincidence to me.

ah yes, union and 4th, home of the college diner or whatever the hell that place that i've never eaten at is called, and the bodega with the same crappy beer selection as every other NY bodega, and the horde of pedestrians streaming off the Never and Rarely lines glaring at me in a disapproving manner....i don't think i'm in a good mood today, i'll shutup now.

I hope that Rock Racing does not fold before their $18,000.00 bike hit Harrods. I was hoping to go in on one with some of the regular posters here, then ship the bike all over the country (world?) like some sort of mobile timeshare unit.

Zabriskie, obviously. Thinking him insane, they probably gave him a cup full of carnitas and mole sauce. Which explains why Zabriskie thought the eggnog was kind of lumpy, though the red color was in keeping with the season.

Americans not knowing frugality since days of Stalin. We miss Team Lada of old and soon to be again Soviet Union. Entire team being transported in two old Romanian built cars called Dacia, not so powerful as gas powered Weed Wacker. Youth hostels also being used for team stays and meetings. Having access to fine mail-order American bikes, Team Lada is to be kicking ass.

Anon 4:55 - you mean like that race in mexico where the drunk driver plowed into the peloton? I don't think that tactic is UCI sanctioned, so the continental rock racing team will just have to dope like everyone else if they want to win races. The rock racing club team might want to look into it though.

Somewhere in NYC an aspiring young hip-hop artist has just traded an eight ball of coke and a stolen 808 (Zipp or Roland, take your pick) for a shiny fully customized Escalade that already smells like Axe body spray and bad pussy.

>>>Jeez, I thought Rock Racing was rocking those Cadillac Escalade bikes that came with their ugly ass team vehicks.

I think the correct moniker descriptive of that type of conveyance, at least among Fugi-tives*, is "dey skank ass wips, yo."

Not to be an insufferable pedant, or anything.

*Fugi-tive (n): (1) white male post-adolescent corn-fed Iowan who lives in Williamsburg, briefly rode a bicycle, and speaks authentic Jive based on extensive studies of MTV's Cribs, the dialogue of competitors on Madden Nation, a P.Diddy CD, and Stuart Scott's monologue on Monday Night Football; (2) a tragic bicycle name mis-spelling common among the indigenous hipster population of Craigslist, akin to common embarassing mis-spellings such as Colognago, Penirello, and Trek.

Maybe egg nog is a secret password in the pro peleton for far more sinister substances. Hot stones are code for exactly what ???? . And 40 year old crappy musicals…. Something is a foot in cycling and the wires are a buzzing. We need Russ Crowe from a Beautiful Mind to piece these snippets floating around the pro ranks ether and find out really what is happening… Rock is going to make a dash for the head honcho Pat Mac ( slaying some Euro trance that is not a nice thing to say about him) , take him out in a blaze of Uzi auto gun fire and set up a new regime … time for the medication already

The Polish was the one that started the trouble, but not exactly whom I have trouble with. Someone said "Służą mnie prostytutka siostry piwa." and next thing I knew we were drunkenly stumbling to the Fulton stop... quickly.

I think it was the Portuguese that was offended, come to think of it, but he wasn't very weary. Those Jaegerbombs sure get on top of you.

"Dick Cocks" also rates quite well. When I was in high school back in the 60s/early 70s, we had a geography teacher by that name, I kid you not. And he played rugby union for Australia (this being quite a popular football code here). I was going to Google his name to see what comes up, but I'm at work.

It's very clear, Rock Racing's here to stay.Not for a year, but at the end of the day,The radio and the Opinionated Cyclists that we knowMay all be passing fancies that fade away.But, oh my dear, Rock Racing's here to stay.

(Sorry, but it's raining/snowing in Brooklyn and I couldn't resist singing in the shower.)

So Mike Ball contributes to the three great lies:1. you don't look fat in that2. $200 jeans are totally worth it.3. Rock Racing, here to say until #1, #2 are no longer valid.

So far, the events of 2008 have led to: Detroit executives forced to drive their shitty cars to beg for money; A total douchebag losing his racing team; closing of overpriced restaurants world wide; massive unemployment for car salesmen, and the near bankruptcy of Rolls Royce autos; SUV resale values plummeting. So this recession is bad?

Best topical joke heard in Ottawa: bet you GW Bush is glad he didn't invade Holland!

What? I thought they were paid on commish anyhow. I hope they don't start working at my LBS. "What can I do to get you into this Big Dummy today? I'll throw in some Xtracycle bags. How 'bout a heavy duty chainstay protector?"

Thank you for using our website. We have corrected some of the configuring problems, seen previously. The bike builder is working much better now and we can always add any available component in to the build, on the backside. Thank you for your interest in Wrench Science.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!