Monday, November 20, 2006

You just can't seem to do anything right. Today started well...except for the whole having to wake up thing, but besides that, it was an ok morning. I read, I did laundry, cleaned the bathroom sink again, showered, dressed, laundry, bleached a bit of the family room, changed clothes before I left the house thanks to bleach marks, went to Veterinarian..and thats when I stopped having a good day. I wished to purchase wormer and flea treatments for the cats. I did so on a semi regular basis back home and since Monkey is new and all thought I should do everyone. 'Nope" said vet desk lady. "You need to have the animal examined first." This sounded like insanity to me since I had not required this step back home. "Its The Law" she said and I said fine and left. Steaming I was. I felt like this was just one more pain in my ass that my new province had in store for me and quite frankly, my frustrations beaker is pretty much on overflow most of the time now adays. This evening I chose to bitch about this to my niece who is a veterinarian and lo and behold, its not just a Quebec thing after all. Ooops. Who knew(besides veterinarians)?? I had no idea whatsoever. She pointed out that it was the LAW and that the vet clinics that had sold me Revolution and other pet stuffs were doing so ILLEGALLY and if I had been a better pet slave and taken my pets into the vet regularly instead of just for spayings and neuterings I might know this and Georgie would have been diagnosed sooner with Feline Leukemia rather than when he was dying of possible poison ingestion and ended up being euthanised anyway(thanks for dragging that bit of scab off that wound yet again), and pretty much got her panties in a twist about how I don't want to drag three cats to the vet for this stuff when I'd never had to before. Bad bad pet slave! BAD! Newspaper to the snout for me. We ticked each other off, but I did send an apology since my ticking her off was entirely unintentional. What I took as a discussion she took as a belittling of her expertise and knowledge. What had begun as a nice peaceful day to myself officially went down the shitter at that point. And I ask myself " Why do I care so much? Why?' Why is it so upsetting to me that someone is less than pleased with me? Whats the big deal? Why do I slink along (internally) like a dog thats been kicked too many times and cringe (emotionally/mentally)at someone's displeasure? Heaven fucking forbid that I should accidentally annoy someone or offend them or step on their toes, or make a mistake or shop too often, or laugh too loud or just plain ass be ME. I don't mean to but it just happens. Somehow things get twisted or misinterpreted. Why do I give a tinker's damn about something so trivial and small in the scope of the universe and the suffering that goes on in it? I have no goddamn clue. And I wish I didn't care. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of guilt boiling in my stomach for stupid shit that I did as a kid that should have known better, maybe did know better, and did anyways. I'm tired of it rearing its head in the dead of night or being flung in my face to cut me down to size. In December I will be 39. I do not dread it. I welcome it. I think this will be the year I start to stop giving a shit. Sounds like a plan. Then maybe my middle-ish years will be a bit lighter in feel than the earlier bits. I could use a lightening of the guilt burdens and all those other ones that I lug around too. Time for life's airline to misplace some baggage...for good.