Thursday, December 8, 2011

A Personal Interview with Calista Gingrich

One of the advantages of being a self-motivated and disciplined blogger is to have unfettered access to famous people, or sometimes famous people, or wannabe famous people. In the instant case I have tried without success so far to reach Calista for an interview, so I must now resort to the next best thing; an imaginary interview with the possible next first lady of our land. I would expect that the interview would go something like this;

Mrs. Gingrich, As you may know, it is common for wives of our presidents to take up specific causes as part of their efforts as first ladies. For example, Michelle Obama has taken up the cause of helping children understand the benefits of eating healthy foods. Have you given any thought to what special projects you might offer to America if and when you become first lady?

Yes I have. The moment Newtie is sworn in the first thing we will do is take a two week cruise to Greece to reduce the stress he will undoubtedly face as president. On our return I will begin to dedicate all my efforts to establish a series of homeless shelters for women who have been abandoned by philandering husbands. As you may be aware I have considerable experience in this area having observed firsthand the effects on Newtie’s second wife when he abandoned her to marry me. I am also aware of the devastating effects on Newtie’s first wife when he abandoned her to marry his second wife. Since Newtie’s and my conversions to Catholicism which, by the way, completely absolves us of any blame or responsibility for our former actions, I have realized that these poor women need a homeless shelter and counseling where they can shed their tears and share their fears.

What advice would you give the young women of America insofar as dating married politicians?

First of all, I resent the implication that Newtie was a politician when I first started dating him during his second marriage. He was the Speaker of the House for God’s sake. He was beyond politics. He is a historian. Now back to your question,. I would advise all the young women of America to make common sense decisions when selecting a politician to conduct an affair with. The first decision is to ask oneself is that is this cad you are dating marriage material or is it more likely that he will dump you when the sex gets stale and go back to living with his wife? I might add that the advantage I had with Newtie was his track record at the time our affair began. I knew it was just a simple matter of time that history would repeat itself and he would dump wife number two for me just like he had dumped wife number one for her. After all, as I said Newtie is a historian.

Don’t you think that a young woman could simply conduct an affair with a politician for fun?

Having an affair is not about fun. It is business pure and simple. Why else would Newtie have a running account for $500,000 at Tiffany’s. I do love my jewelry. One of my favorite things to do is to place my latest piece of jewelry on the bedside table and leave the light on while Newtie has his way with me. I can always turn my head to look at the gems to remind myself what my life is really all about.

Thanks for your time. Best wishes.

A. Thank you. By the way, here’s my private number. Call me any time. Newtie will be out of town a lot and I would really enjoy your company.