jealousy in the book blogging community!! (yikes)

One of the main thing that always makes me want to leave the blogosphere and take a break from it is jealousy.

Every time I come back to this internet space, I always remember why I leave in the first place.Because I feel inadequate; my stats, the number of books I own, how much I post, how little I reply to comments, the small number of books I read.

I feel jealous of people who don’t have these struggles(or it seems they don’t)! And it tears me apart and makes me want to take a hiatus FOREVER.

Sometimes I don’t even care about where everyone else is progressing to and focus on enjoying posting on my blog which is great! But it can be very easy to slip into envy quickly and become super bitter about a lot of things and so, today, I’m exposing my annoying and whiny self. 🙈☕☕

money to buy books

I probably ramble about not having THAT much money to spend on books too frequently – Y’all are probably annoyed by now. But it’s true – I‘m a teen so I can’t really get a job and therefore my only way to get books is as a gift, from my library, ask my parents to buy one for me or ARCs.

LIBRARY: Now, don’t get me wrong, my library is generally okay with new releases and YA! They will have some great books I don’t even expect to be there..and I’m proud of them,,, sometimes? But they also don’t have a LOT of the books I want to read – and so I don’t get the opportunity to read releases I’m SO HAPPY AND EXCITED ABOUT!!

PURCHASING BOOKS: Honestly, I get about 5 books per year as gifts/from money gifts (?) and then I’ll ask my parents to buy books very little because I feel guilty about it. However, I will buy books under £3 from a charity shop because the money’s going to a good cause and cheap books? (But the charity shop I go to has like 1 YA book in there so this is rare)

ARCS: This is my main way of getting new releases that I want to read! I’m so thankful to Netgally and Publishers for sending me books I want. Of course, some books I’m not accepted for, are not published in the UK or ARCs aren’t being printed for them!

As our community is based around book hauls, consumerism, reading new releases and being materialistic – it’s hard not to feel left out sometimes! I’m on book group chats or DMing friends and they can just say “Oh I’ll order that book now!” without a second thought!! And it’s hard not to envy how they can literally read quite a few of the new releases/books they want to!

And I know I’m just seeing what people portray to me – maybe they really are struggling with money but they’re good at hiding it? Of course, I don’t know everyone’s financial situation and it could be the case of people only showing the best bits of their life. (Apparently, there was one booktuber who survived on like noodles or something so she could buy hardcover books weekly? that’s like,,,woah)

But with booktuber videos where people haul 20 books in a month, where they can do a “3 minute book shopping challenge” and just BUY BOOKS THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW THEY’LL LIKE, where people can support the author by buying a book even if they already have an ARC, where people will make jokes about just being able to “accidentally” buy books, where people will have the privilege to even have a “book buying ban” when I’m always on one – it’s kinda difficult.

It’s just the ease of people being able to pre-order anticipated releases, and people just ordering book boxes – being able to pay for all this stuff – and there’s me and I feel distant. How comes all these people are so rich and I’M NOT?! (spoiler: this is how the world works)

Jealousy of people buying books has always been something I struggle with? I TRY not to be materialistic, but when releases that have representation I CRAVE or there’s a book I know I want to read (for e.g The Gilded Wolves) and I have no way of getting it – I get a little jealous! Okay, a lot! And it’s the worst?? And makes me really dislike the book blogging community sometimes even though it’s not entirely at fault (I wish we weren’t so materialistic though, me included)

statistics + fame

I feel jealous of other people’s followings, comments and likes. It’s really stupid because I feel this towards a lot of the blogs I follow.I just feel like everyone is doing BETTER than me, and that no matter how much hard work I put in no one will ever genuinely care about my blog.I just don’t feel appreciated sometimes (even though I AM. over and over again.) I feel like I never get enough comments or responses to tweets and I wish I could achieve what other people are??

Meanwhile, everyone else is effortlessly posting wonderful posts and getting more comments than I can even imagine!

This is the most illogical thing because 1) statistics don’t matter ALL that much, 2) I don’t see all the work those bloggers put in and they DESERVE those stats and 3) i have quite good stats! I just, sometimes feel like I don’t get enough (and it true: people get much higher views on average than me) but then i remember I only post once a week so of course, my stats are lower??

blogging friends

yikes yikes yikes

i don’t think I’ve ever talked about this before, and i’m probably going to sound whiny and annoying (more than i usually do) but here goes! anything for the content! disclaimer: I will now begin to be whiny and annoying!

i feel like i have no close blogging friends anymore. in 2017 and maybe the beginning of 2018, i had quite a few close friends and was always meeting new people online and DMing back, doing collabs and just, in general, talking to lots of people and getting along with them? and it was great?

and then during the last of half of 2018 especially, i began to slip into the phase where i had no energy to text anyone back, be on social media, write blog posts or just do!! anything!! online!! and i stopped talking to people i had been close to for so long and it sucked but also i was in such a bad online slump(?) that i just couldn’t bring myself to CARE. i just genuinely wanted to isolate myself!!! from everyone!!

and now in 2019, i’m back with my blogging mojo and i’m ready to genuinely have conversations with people but it’s just not as simple as that? i feel weird and alien, and i just see on twitter and other places all these people having such AWESOME group chats, friendships and banter – and i feel like I don’t have that with anyoneanymore because I can’t just neglect a friendship and then expect everyone to just fall back into what I had before with them.

and it sucks it sucks it sucks.

i know i probably just sound really jealous and stupid (!!) but i just wish i hadn’t ignored people last year so much and i wish i was just better at being an internet person! and i just miss talking to so many people on here but i just don’t know to be a person anymore.

not being in the US

Let’s get this straight; i do not want to live in America.I genuinely quite like living in the UK, i just wish I had the advantages of living there because publishing is so (generally) US-CENTRIC and that means you can get so many ARCs. And obviously you still have to work hard for them, but a lot of giveaways are US only, and I got an email yesterday saying I could’ve got an ARC but because I lived in the UK and not the US, I couldn’t.

Also, all the good book fests happen there! And I know I’m privileged to be in the UK because we also have a lot of YA published here and we have YALC but Bookcon is WAY bigger than YALC (i think).

And let’s be real, UK YA is so not diverse (but that’s a whole other post)|

I don’t necessarily feel jealous os US people, i just wish I could enter all those giveaways, or get the ARCs I want! And I already realise that I have it better than most INTL folk who can’t get much and have little access to books! I appreciate that fact so much and I still am very grateful for my location being London!!

I’d like to add that I LOVE the community and am usually, very happy with being here and being supported so much!

I have found my blogging groove and generally, enjoy posting loads. These are just some insecurities I feel sometimes that I wanted to address – I don’t necessarily want advice because I know I shouldn’t be jealous of these things and I’m working on it myself!

There are still more things I’m salty about – like how I’m supposed to keep up with reading when I have school and can’t read that much. and I’m envious of how much time some people seem to have!

But tell me – do you feel jealous of other people in the community? Do you think the book blogging world is materialistic? Or are you a proud queen who doesn’t feel jealousy because you’re too awesome? Let me know by commenting!

Also here are some posts that I REALLY like that kind of talk about what I discuss in this post! All three of them are really good and sum up a lot of my thoughts so please read them!!

88 thoughts on “jealousy in the book blogging community!! (yikes)”

I definitely see where you are coming from. I do find that I get jealous of other bloggers sometimes as well. I think that it is a big personal struggle that we all have to figure out how to manage on our own though. I know that I also feel pressure to read a lot more than I do, and purchase a lot more than I should, but those are things that I am working on figuring out for myself. I’m sorry that you feel so negatively about the community :[ I know for me personally, putting aside all the jealousy I feel in the pit of my stomach, I very much love being a part of the community. Regardless of how little I contribute to it, I still really enjoy being in the midst of it. And I think that once you can find a way to be genuine, and just enjoy what YOU are doing, then you will find peace. Only comment and interact on things that you really have something to say about. Only purchase what you can. Libraries are GREAT sources for book lovers on a budget. I know that you aren’t thrilled with the selection but, you can find those diamonds in the rough! If you are worried about not reading new releases, you can find book trades etc. via twitter. I can put you in contact with at least one blogger I know how does this frequently. Basically, all I am saying is that you aren’t going to feel relief from this jealousy without working on it from your end. Books and this community aren’t the center of the world. Ultimately (at least for me, a small blogger) books are a hobby. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t doing your hobby right. Only you can do that.

Yeah it’s definitely something I struggle with occasionally and I thought this would make a good post haha! and I agree, what’s you find what works for you, blogging is (usually) a lot of fun (whilst also still being stressful and time demanding)
“Libraries are GREAT sources for book lovers on a budget. ” –> this is kind of a blanket statement that’s not very true. I don’t know how many INTL readers have to say it but people who don’t live in the US and the UK a lot of the time don’t even have access to libraries so what you say is not necessarily true?? and kind of ignoring the struggles on international bookworms?

and i know i’m very privileged to have a library and I don’t want to complain too much about it because it’s great – I find some great books there! I just wish I could read all the books I wanted to haha. and I did do trading for a while with a lot of people(but postage also costs money!) and i know that this is not the center of my world? this was just a post talking about what i feel sometimes! i’m very aware that i don’t need to feel jealous about all these things – thanks for commenting though!

I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. I know how that feels.
If it helps, I’m part of a book blogger Discord chat that you might like to join. It’s really easy to participate or not participate whenever you feel like, and we have a bunch of different chats themed around different things from blogging, reading, and writing to sharing pics of our pets. XD There’s even a “salty rants” section that you could use to talk about things like this on your blog, and it might make it easier to engage with people on it than through a post, cuz I guarantee you that you aren’t alone! We all have frustrating blogger/life problems to complain about. 😛 There are LOTS on international bloggers on there too, and we also have book clubs and events you can join, so hopefully you could find people to connect with again. 🙂 If you don’t have a Discord it’s free and easy to sign up for and this link should take you to our server. 🙂 https://discordapp.com/channels/395312389232394241/523826731073667093
I hope it works! And I hope this helps you, it sucks feeling like you’re all alone in the world cuz nobody cares and/or can relate to your problems. 😦
I’m American, but I’m from Alaska so I can’t go to any events like Bookcon or anything cuz it’s so far away and expensive. I don’t read a lot of new releases just cuz I have so many backlist books I’ve had for years that it would be too overwhelming, and I don’t like getting books I don’t know anything about or just for the cover cuz that would be a total waste of money I don’t have, and I really don’t buy that many books anymore. Besides, I kinda like knowing about a book for a long time before reading it so that way I know what I’m actually interested in and if it’ll be worth my time and money.
Also my blog is VERY small so I get not feeling like people actually read it if they don’t comment very much. But being on the Discord chat has helped me feel like I’m growing a lot better now. We have a chat where you can share your posts, and a new rule where if you do you have to comment on two other posts in the chat. It honestly was a LITTLE annoying at first, but I actually think it’s helped promote supporting each other’s blogs more, so that might help you too! 🙂

Ah thanks so much for telling me about the Discord group – it sounds, supportive, friendly and awesome!! i think I might sign up – but also I feel like big book blogger groups always overwhelm (I’m part of some on Twitter) and i know it’s optional and all but I don’t want to pressurise myself into doing anything! I will definitely consider being part of it though.

And yeah I think I get quite a good amount of comments – and I’m so grateful for it – but somehow I still make myself feel bad for getting the stats other bloggers achieve..which I’m learing not to do and i’m getting better at focusing on my own blog more!!

Omg this post articulates my thoughts exactly. I’m also a teen without a job, and most of the money I get from birthdays or Christmas or whatever goes to saving for college anyway, and sometimes I get lowkey frustrated by people doing massive book hauls all the time. Also I love my library and I’m so privileged to have an amazing big one, but whenever highly hyped new releases come out and everyone is reading them on release day I feel a little behind and sad because it takes a month or so for my library to order it/have it arrive, and then if it’s super hyped I usually have to put a hold on it and wait, and by the time I get to read it a lot of the hype has died down and I feel perpetually behind I definitely try to be happy for everyone who has the resources to get so many books, but it’s hard not to feel a little salty at people who apparently own piles and piles of unread books when even buying one new book a year is an exciting treat.

Ahh yay I’m so glad I could voice some of what the book blogging community is going through. I honestly get salty everytime I watch book hauls because…like ARE YOU GOING TO EVEN READ HALF THOSE BOOOKS?!? Yeah I feel late to the hype ALL THE TIME. This year I don’t mind so much since I’m not too focused on what’s popular but I wish my library had a bigger selection – even though they have a lot of YA i love to read!!

I love the honesty in this post. I’m sure so many people share your feelings on these topics, I know I do! I think what I always have to remind myself is that I do all of this because I love it and it makes me happy and as long as that is working, I’ll continue to do it. But I definitely encourage taking breaks when it no longer makes you happy, I take breaks a lot too 🙂

ILSA this is a good post ❤ also aaaah same as being a teen and not really being able to buy a lot of books?? I mean, I've won like a good amount of giveaways which is honestly wild & I have a ton of privilege when it comes to those, but yeah… I don't think I even purchased any books, at all in 2018 for myself tbh and I AM JEALOUS of people who get to!! also just dm me anytime ilsaaaa i'm always here!!!

i haven’t won a giveaway in FOREVER this is so unfair!! jk, i’m so happy that you win giveaways because it always feels so good when you do?? fdhf I KNOW YOU’RE THE BEST AND ILY AND THANKS FOR SUPPIRTING ME ALWAYS!!! ❤

I also don’t buy a lot of books, and I think that’s fine. There can be a lot of consumerism in the book community, but I think I’ve naturally gravitated mainly towards following people who don’t engage in a lot of that. I don’t particularly care about book hauls, for instance; I care what books people have read and what their thoughts about them are. So if someone has good reviews and discussions and just happens to buy a lot of books or receive a lot of ARCs, that’s fine, but I don’t really follow accounts who just seem to get, get, get books and not really read them.

One thing I think can help contextualize the book conventions in the US thing is that…most people in the US can’t actually go to these conventions either. A lot of them (BookExpo and Bookcon, for instance) are in New York City. They’re expensive to attend (BookExpo is like $300 just to get a ticket if you’re a blogger), and that’s not taking into account getting to NYC, paying for expensive lodging, paying for expensive food, etc. I follow a blogger who lives on the West Coast and says she spends $5000 to fly across the country to go to BookExpo and stay in New York for a long weekend. For bloggers who live in the US but not close to New York (or other large cities that sometimes have bookish events), going to book conventions is just as impossible as it is for people outside the country. I was in California for awhile and, honestly, it was cheaper for me to fly to China than to New York. If I did fly across country, it was usually a 12 hour ordeal from the time I left my home to the time I got to my destination. I did not go to book conventions.

I think that’s super healthy – to make sure you follow people that don’t add the consumerist nature of the book community online!

and yes thanks you so much for clearing that up! I think that’s definitely a misconception I had about bookcons and fests – i just see all the booktubers go and assume it’s not that expensive but whew, it IS!! thanks for your comment ❤

I feel you Ilsa. I have never even applied for an ARC – mainly because I live in Australia, so my chances of getting a non eBook are really slim. For me libraries are really great – I can get a lot of books from there (and my school library has a place where you can request a book and they’ll buy it with almost no exceptions) and since I hold cards to two different branches, it’s hard to keep track of but gives me so much more choice and MORE BOOKS. I am also really lucky in that my family all knows me really well – including cousins and aunts and uncles cause I have no siblings – and I get at least two or three book vouchers to a bookstore close to me. I love my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I do know how you feel. It’s hard – watching people blog continuously about all the ARCs they get and seeing 5-10 reviews in a row of books either not released yet or very recently released. I would love to get physical ARCs one day, but for me that’s near impossible. I’ve got to find an Australian author who is published in Australia (and I think I’ll like the book!) to guarantee it – even then I might not get it. xxx

Oh you should check out Date a Book and Allen * unwin! They are big Aussie publishers and I hope you could try and request ARCs from them?I think I thought for a while I couldn’t get ARCs but I can you just have find the publisher for your country (obvs not all the time) but i’m glad you’re library is great – that’s so awesome! I try to appreciate my library a lot because I know many people don’t have access to them!

Awww, you are such a great blogger – don’t put yourself down! But I understand where you’re coming from, I know that I’m very privileged that I have the money to put into books and my parents are lovely and get me a lot. But some people are out here reading like, 20 books a month! And, I’m here like, school work, sooooooo many tests, then I’be got clubs, blogging and anything else I have to sort out in my life. And, don’t get me wrong, I love all that (well, maybe not all the tests 😂) but it does suck seeing how much some people can read compared to you. And then, yeah stats are…. 😑 it’s so hard not to compare yourself to other people!
But we’ve just gotta keep going and try not to get too jealous! 😉💕

Ahhh thank you El!! It means a lot that you think that ❤ and I KNOOOW I wish i had more time to read books (like people read so much in a month and I always have to wait until I have breaks off school to do that) And yes, I agree it's so important to focus on yourself and keep moving forward! ❤ Thank you for such a sweet comment ❤

for being brave (and eloquent) enough to talk about this ish, you are the iconic blogging queen of 2019, sorry i dont make the rules

i FEEL you on the consumerism part of the book community. especially when everyone is showing off their 500+ rainbow colour coded bookshelves (no shame no tea, i love the aesthetics too) but i am barely ever able to buy books and im SOSOSOSO fortunate that my library has a great selection and takes requests but even then, popular books always have lonnngg waiting lists but im so glad to see that there’s been more people talking about consumerism and how not everyone is able to dish out the $$ on books and it makes me feel more,,,,,seen

omg wanting to isolate yourself, sis stop calling me out like this. i literally go on these phases of wanting to be part of everything and then being like ‘likes and recognition are social constructs that we attribute to self worth and i refuse to allow it to define me💁💁💁” lol

anyways, this comment is turning into an essay but its good to release the salt sometimes and bring light to these thing and for what its worth, i think youre an awesome blogger (even if you ghost us and make me cry bc i love your content) and youre so CREATIVE (HOW DO YOU DO IT)

jsaklaslsklakask why are you too kind to me it needs to stop because i dont KNOW how to handle this okay??

ugh consumerism is only NOW kind of being talked about in the community and still, I feel like lots of people don’t speak up it about it enough…the standards that big influencers put of having so many shelves filled with books and massive book hauls is,,, woah. and especially when you’re a newbie to the community, you FEEL IT THE MOST. I feel it it a lot less than at first but it’s still there!! the focus on new releases and buying collectors editions of ur all fave books and im like I DONT EVEN OWN ALL MY FAVOURITE BOOKS?!?!

kdhfjhdgfhv YES SAME. I hate it so much bc i feel like everyone else somehow maintains all friendships at all times and im just struggling like HELP.

AND HONESTLY YOU MAKE MY BLOGGING EXPERIENCE 1000X times better and i love you for it!! thanks so much for sticking with my blog even when i ghost you all mauahhaha. ❤

Wow, I get this so much. Especially the financial part. I’m 20, a student, and earn only a bit of money so I buy about a book a month and definitely can’t ask my parents to just buy me whatever I want so seeing people who can buy dozens of books or just GOING TO A BIG LIBRARY WITH ENGLISH BOOKS, ahhh, it does make me really jealous.

Another thing I’m kind of jealous about is how good peoples’ reviews are??? Like, some people just make me genuinely laugh or think or whatever whenever they write a book review and I want to be able to do that too. And I know that comes with practice and putting more time into it but I basically just want to be good right away and find the right words but that’s actually not super easy when English isn’t your native language, no matter how good you are. I know this is ridiculous btw but it’s still there…

Anyway, I’m kinda really happy a book blogger finally talks about this stuff because I feel like it’s not a very popular topic even though jealousy is something everyone feels from time to time. So yeah, it’s cool that you’re taking the time blog about this!

i’m so glad you enjoyed this post!! honestly the day when i can order books i want like THAT dfdffhdgf. it’s so hard not to feel salty! and it sucks that you don’t have a good library – i try to appreciate mine loads because I do have quite a good selection!!

i haven’t really felt jealousy in terms of reviews – i’m quite proud of them aha. but i get that! sometimes i look at peopl’es posts and i’m like – how are they so eloquent? – but I think it’s important to carry on writing YOUR reviews because they’re probably awesome! and you’ll get better over time, trust me aha. (and i hope you don’t feel too stressed about english not being your native langauge!)

aw thank you for saying that! i don’t feel tooo stressed about it but i always want everything i write to be perfect and so i always worry about not beeing as good as others when it comes to that. but oh well, i’m sure that will improve over time

I feel like being jelly about blogging sometimes as well because 1) I’m an international fan (not living in the us nor uk), 2) I have the same “problem” with purchasing books but my goal isn’t to buy them to “have them all” but to get to new releases and books i will love 101% (i love book unhauls and doing it myself. The amount of books I own is not more than 30 books which is not that less…), 3) my local library is smol and new releases therefore very very rare (but i’m still proud of it)…. Idk what to do about all this but I get you. ❤

yeah! i definitely don’t want to buy ALL the books. i just wish when I do sometimes wnat to buy a book I just could??! Like King of Scars by leigh bardugo is something I really want but I have to wait a bit to get it? And like books aren’t the only thing I spend money on – I have to buy textbooks for school, other things I want that are non bookish too and I can’t always prioritise buying books! I’m so proud of my library to ahah! Thanks for the comment ❤

I definitely don’t think you’re whiny or unreasonable with any of these!! I relate quite a bit 🙈but I know I also have a lot of privilege with what I DO have so I always feel guilty for being sad on the things I’m missing out on. (Like the Americans get everything aghh.) I think it’s easy to make a lot of assumptions too… Like sometimes I’ll admire the heck out of a blogger for sooo long thinking they have it all together…only they’ll do a post about how they DON’T have it together and they’re stressing/anxious or denied opportunities for no reason, etc. So I think a lot of us show the “positives” instead of the negatives. Doesn’t mean the negatives aren’t there though. And I get massively jealous of the bookstagrammers who have every new release and 938049 props (I wanna crown haha) and get sent EVERY ARC for books they don’t even care about…but one thing I’ve been telling myself is, hey, chill out…these people are supporting books massively and more sales + more diverse books published. So I think it’s good to remember that!! I know I come across as having “all the books” but most of mine are from publishers/people I work for. And I used to live near an amazing library that did incredible sales. (Like um 50cents for a hardcover?! Bless the librarians.) Book buying is still fairly new to me bc I never go to buy books as a teen either. I’m still extremely lucky though. I SO wish postage wasn’t ridiculously expensive bc then I’d seriously pass on more books to others…😭

this!! comment!! i wish we all didn’t feel these insecurities dhfjxf. and yes! i’ll be like i WISH i had it as easy as that blogger but it’s so easy to get aught up in facade and not know what goes on behind the scenes?! and I know i get jealous of the bookstgrammers with such pretty pictures and so many props (yes you! but i know you get most of ur books from pubs) thanks so much for your commenting ❤

I LOVE THIS POST! You are so great and amazing to speak about these really niche topics and problems in the book community that well the topics are not niche but they are just not tackled AT ALL and swept under the doormat.

Your eyes see all I wanna hug themmm (ok ignore THAT particular weird sentence that’s not what normal people say lol).

I want to start this comment by saying that I do have a good financial situation and I can afford to buy books a few times a year (like…3-4 times a year I think that’s um a lot already) which I am infinetly grateful for! I’m also SO SO SO FORTUNATE that my school gives me money monthly for good grades (like, I think it would be the equivalent of straight As and A* every year) so I’m able to use that for books as well.

About the consumerism on Booktube : I just…shrug it off as well people from America having money.
I know that’s not exactly FAIR since lots of Americans do struggle financially but I think me seeing everything from Romania (which is…well….not the most developed country now is it? lol I know what reputation we have) where like 1 of our money converted is like a 0.25 of their money (YEY ECONOMICS). I just don’t watch a lot of bookhauls anymore, and I definitely avoid the “bookshopping” videos ones like burning fires (which is part of why I’m unsubscribed from all the big booktubers OH WELL).

Because being able to spend 15$+ on a hardcover in a bookshop? Is never something I could possibly do. Ever. And being able to haul books MONTHLY? is again something impossible of the dream world. I can’t bring myself to buy a book if it’s over 8-9£ – that means ALL CHEAP PAPERBACKS ALL THE TIME BABY!

Here I don’t even have libraries. I wait for mega sales on Kindle. I buy online from bookstores that have huge discounts (even if it isn’t the best way to support authors because well sales and stuff). I buy from this one really cheap bookstore where they have 1-3£ books with dubious origins. I cannot get new releases like The Guilded Wolves because the websites that I buy books from don’t have these kinds of books (that are well a bit less well known) on them for months on time, if ever. I don’t find almost anything in bookshops. Because my country is kinda poor? Our income can’t compete with salaries from “development” countries that are into capitalism dude. I have a running joke that the amount of money booktubers spend on books is scary.

I wish I was able to support authors with preorders. Maybe when I’ll have a job I will. But the only book I ever pre-ordered was Cait’s.

On a lighter note – I don’t care about my own stats. Like you said I started not caring in 2018 and well…I’ve continued not caring. But your posts are amazing and deserve ALL THE LIKES AND COMMENTS and it’s annoying that booktubers can get 1-2000 subscribers so easily and bloggers are like WOOOHOO 700 IS A LOT when it’s a lot of work on either platform. IT’S UNFAIR.

Also I SO GET YOU ABOUT BLOGGING FRIENDS!!! 2018 was a rough year buddy. I’m HERE and my Instagram dms are open (even if it will take a bit before I can see the messages since I hate social media and I’m off it a lot lately). MESSAGE ME! if ya want! I think awkwardness is more of a lie of society so I really don’t care if you randomly message me about a cute dog you just saw that day ❤️

This comment is over 600 words and can I JUST SAY UR COMING FOR MY BRAND!! Long comments are my thing okay. (but seriously wow i love you, i don’t deserve all these words)
Also ioana your sentences are the weirdest but that’s WHAT MAKES YOU THE BEST!!
I feel so brave for posting this but some of the comments like “you need to focus on ur blog and u’ll feel better” but i can feel jealous and have a problem with consumerism and still be happy with my own blog?? (i really am so happy about my blog rn!!) so no i regret everything.
Omg that’s so cool that ur school gives u money for good grades??? That would genuinely motivate me to work hard for school LMAO.
And dude i just realised how ,,, like bad it is that I watch those videos of bookhauls and stuff bc it just makes me salty so now I shall follow in your footsteps and not watch those videos that me bitter!!
AND YAS FOR CHEAP PAPERBACKS!! And i’m happy that you can buy books in the year especially since you don’t have libraries and can’t get new releaes (lols sames!) and i know i feel so bad about buying books on sale when i do? Because authors are like “buying books on amazon damages author’s career bc they’re so discounted” and i’m like “well,,,”
AND BOOKTUBERS GET SO MUCH TRAFFIC THAN BLOGGERS! But we put so much work in too! And i used to not care about Stats FOR SO LONG like i literally didnt ever check them but now for some reason (as i get more integrated in the community) i care more and more? But i’m going back to the way i was before and i’m enjoying it!
AFDHSGFHD YOU’RE THE BEST AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME ALWAYS!!!

omg charity shops are a godsend!! sad to hear you don’t have any good ones around where you live. i completely agree with the points made about money to buy books and i’m not even in the book community and stats, sorry who are they? what i love about blogging is the friends, hope you can get back into the swing of things even tho i hate start to conversations lol. great post as always <33

they are! Mostly? I mean I wish the charity shop I went to had MORE books because they have like 1 good book there everytime I go! and aha i never used to care about stats and now i do and i really wish i could go back to not really caring because blogging friends are the best !

I see where you are coming from, in defo not a teenager, I’m a mum, I work and I still can’t afford to buy all the books I want to……I put them on my wishlist and wait for birthdays and Xmas to come around!!!

I’m also a UK blogger so Netgalley is not my friend!!!!

Regarding stats, I just to watch mine daily and when they fell I did used to question why….But then I realised that life is too short so I blog what I want to, I comment and like people’s posts in my reader and I just do me!!

Try https://www.netgalley.co.uk/ and you’ll have much more luck there! Yeah I have a wishlist too and wait till celebrations so I can get books! I’m not too obsessed with stats but lately I have been getting a BIT concerned with them?? But then I remember why i love blogging and try not to care too much!

I feel this so haaaaard! The mental dymnastics and calculations i have to do when i want to buy a book are ridiculous. I was fortunate enough to get gifted quite a big chunk of my collection and i honestly wouldn’t have even half the books i do now and i’m sooo grateful for that.
The part i felt the most though is the stats, people get dozens of comments and i’m out here struggling to even have a dozen 😅 and i know that it’s my fault because in 2018 i fell off the wagon and stopped interacting with other people’s blogs, but now that i’m back at it my stats are slowly starting to show it and i’m really happy about that.

fhdfhgdfh why is everyone relating to this post?!?! and i’m so glad you get gifted some books that’s so awesome and i’m so glad so many people are generous in this community!
and i know sometimes i get so sad about comments (this post had done rlly well in terms of comments?!) and i KNOw it’s because i haven’t been blog hopping much. but i love when the hard work shows in stats!!

I definitely feel what you’re saying, and it’s for these same reasons sometimes I wanna quit so badly. Last year, I barely blogged and my stats – that were never that stable – suffered from it, and now, that I’m trying to get back on track, I’m always sad I barely get any likes or comments, when it seems so sooo easy for other people to get it. On a positive note, I jump of happiness every time someone comments my posts!! I barely have any money for books, either. I’ve had to stop asking for them on my birthday or Christmas because, as a college student, I have other priorities. My local library sucks, they rely on donations and so, they can’t afford to finish series they have some of the first books available, let alone new releases. I rely on books I borrow from friends and partnerships with authors (that I’m very thankful for, even though the US-only giveaways are a huge trouble for me too). I believe I can get around these first two problems: maybe when I find the right strategy for my blog, it’ll grow, and I don’t mind borrowing books for now. But the friends thing really gets to me. I see everyone online creating awesome and deep friendships, and sometimes I wish I could experience that, but it’s so so hard for me to reach out, you know? I talk to people, but its really difficult to create a connection with them …
Anyway, I wanted to let you know you’re definitely not the only one feeling this! We’ll get around and find a happier way out ❤

i know it SEEMS every one can so easily get comments and likes on they’re post and here i am struggling! but i know that just as i put effort into interacting with the community so do they! and yeah books aren’t my pirority so even when i do get money to spend i can’t always spend it on books!!! and ahh i’m so sorry your library isn’t that good! i wish everyone had equal access to books!! and i know? i feel like i can hardly hold a conversation with people and it sucks. thanks for commenting and your kind words ❤

I definitely relate to this post more than quite a bit; especially the feeling inadequate as a bookblogger part. Which is kinda also my fault, too, because I deleted and then re-did my blog and then lost all of my followers obviously and had to start from zero just because I had one (1) sad moment of “does it even matter that i blog?” and reacted from those emotions onwards :c this results in literally all of the above that you named: losing followers, losing follower and blogging friends i was interacting with, dropping my stats into zeros etc etc. etc. So all of your thoughts are super relatable for me!! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you are more happy with stats and blogging friends etc. in a few weeks/months and speaking for me: i really love your content and love following you! I still salute you for your “books i lied about loving” post and look forward to every new post <33

I can relate to this in terms of stats. I feel like so many bloggers care more about stats than actually interacting with other bloggers (which I’m not the best at sometimes). I don’t really pay attention to my stats, I used to obsess over them and it just stressed me out so I stopped obsessing and became much happier. I just make sure that the content I create is what I want to create, and not what other people want to see. I’m sorry that your library doesn’t have a great selection. This is such a well-written post. I always love reading your posts.

Ilsa, first of all, thanks for this post. To be honest, I also felt like that about a lot of things but have always been too insecure to share, because I didn’t want to sound petty. But it’s important to see that other people share the same feelings – it makes me feel more normal, I guess.
I struggle a loooot with the “keeping up with new releases” thing, because I’m also broke af. This year has been relatively better because I got some money for Christmas and I got the chance to buy some books for myself – all in the much cheaper e-book versions, of course -, but generally, I’m always behind because there’s simply no way I can afford a new release. My Amazon wishlist is immense and I’m constantly looking through other books I wish I could buy, but it’s just not that simple. And, indeed, it kinda sucks – especially because book blogging is so much about hyping up new books. I feel like everyone else in my blogging feed is doing reviews for books that have either just came out or are still going to be released, and I’m here with my reads from 2017, lol. Even though I try to be more cool about it and just pretend it’s my brand (like yeah I only talk about old books but yohoo!), it still affects me sometimes.
(And as for the online friends in the bookish community: brooooo, I feel you. It’s mostly the fact that I’m the most awkward thing ever, so interacting online is painful at times, but it’s also that everyone else seems to already have their group and I feel bad to even like someone else’s Tweet if everyone who’s liked it before is friends with that person??? It seems like I’m trying to invade their space & trying *so hard* to be a part of it? Yikes. Social media stresses me out, lol).
Anyway, sorry for the essay; I’m sure none of it was even interesting to you. But just wanted to let you know that your thoughts are valid, and they definitely made me feel like I’m more valid too! So, yeah, thanks for that!

I get jealous because everyone’s blog looks cleaner and prettier than mine! I don’t really know how to design graphics or get an overall general aesthetic. I think my photos are pretty good, but I don’t have a lot of stuff, so they’re pretty simple.
I’m generally ok with waiting for library books. There are some books I want NOW and want to posses FOREVER, but I know prices will go down in the future. Plus, if the library gets it after the hype has gone down, there’s less pressure to LOVE and PRAISE. I can calmly read it and give an honest review without disappointing too many people.

Ok, I feel like your inside my head with some of this stuff. Definitely not a teen, lol. Chef, wife, author and mum of a 5yo and an 8 month old. While at this stage I can usually scrounge up some coin for the occasional book, I find myself lacking with is the time. I find myself getting jealous of all the time people ‘appear’ to have. I want to be a part of this community but I cannot find the time. Then, I see the post about the 20+ books they have purchased and the 15 odd that they have read and reviewed and i’m sitting here like…It took me 2 months to read this book on my lunch breaks, lol. Also with the blogging, apparently it’s something I should be doing to promote my own work. Make a blog they say, blog regular they say… when, i ask, when. ANYWAY, thats my rant over, I enjoyed your post! 🙂 🙂 🙂

This was such a unique and interesting post, Ilsa! To be perfectly honest, these are things that I get jealous of, and it can be so so easy to get into this pattern! Blogging friends is something I feel like I don’t really have – it can just be so intimidating even though the community is generally pretty nice, I just don’t know how to make Internet friends, like where does one start? (I need friends lmaooo, okay tangent over)

But yeah, this was such a good post about a topic no one talks about, and it was so so refreshing to read! Forever boosting this, brb 🙂

Sometimes I do feel envious of the people who get lots of comments and such. I know they put a lot of time and effort into building those relationships tho. I guess I’m more jello of the TIME. I wish I had the time and energy I used to have. It flares up sometimes, but mostly I’m content with doing my thing at my pace.

I agree with feeling inadequate about not being able to buy books whenever I want. I’m very thankful for Netgalley and Eidelweiss. I’m in the US, but I agree too that international readers need the same availablity as we have. I don’t see why they don’t take advantage of the many many readers outside of the US. It really isn’t fair.

I’m really glad you posted this! I’m an adult and relatively new to book blogging, but I definitely suffer from jealousy. I have a job, but the pay is crap and the only reason I can afford books is because I literally work in a bookstore and get a discount! Even then, I have to stop myself from over-spending EVERY SINGLE DAY because I have to pay bills. And I remember being a teen and having to depend on my parents to buy me a book and feeling guilty for asking. There were also TONS of books I would’ve felt embarrassed about asking my parents to buy for me. So I get that, and I 10000000% get feeling jealous of everyone’s success at book blogging. I just started blogging (again) in January, so I’m in this up-hill battle of trying to find my place in the community. Sometimes it feels like everyone’s hanging out without me? Which I know is irrational, especially when most of the time I’m too afraid to reach out to people even when I feel like we’d get along. Anyway, thank you for sharing these whispers – it’s nice to know that we’re not alone in these feelings.

I used to feel this jealousy a lot and I guess I still sometimes do – but then I think about how much money these people are wasting on books where they’ll – statistically speaking – not like maybe 20-50% of them and I feel better haha. Now I started volunteering at the library and I never used them before but it’s AMAZING! Not wanting to brag but my library literally got Angie Thomas’ book on release day like???? how???? Anyways, I totally understand. When I used to watch BookTube I enjoyed watching the hauls but… as someone that doesn’t like asking my parents for money to spend on books (i know they’d say yes because they pretty much always do but it makes me feel SO guilty cause books aren’t cheap) it’s really annoying to watch but OMG THEY WERE LIVING OFF OF NOODLES BECAUSE THEY SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON BOOKS????? I love books but, gosh, they need to go to a money-spending class or something haha. This is getting long but my point is that I have definitely felt the same.

I totally get you! Sometimes I also get a little envious and then feel bad for feeling that way. Specially with the money and the friends. It sometimes makes me feel like I don’t really fit in because I’m super awkward at starting conversations. If you ever need to fangirl or ramble you can come to me. 💓💓

Oh, I totally get what you mean. I’m often jealous too. But I have a steady income so I can actually spend money on books after all the bills are paid. That’s not my problem. My problem is: HOW DO ALL THOSE PEOPLE FIND THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT? How did you come up with this great post? I’m always in awe and completely jealous because blogging seems to come so easy for some people? How? How do they come up with all those posts and how did I not think of that? I love my blog but I’m so often without inspiration. And how do people like those posts? Are all those bloggers just better than me or am I just super-rubbish? Also, the German speaking blogger community seems to be so small. I love the English speaking one but how to combine that? So, basically I’m jealous of all those bloggers who seem to have a routine that seems to work for them and their blog. Jealous of all those people who have it all figured out.
M

I understand and trust me, you’re not alone about feeling jealous. I think that’s a major downside of social media. People post what they want you to see, so you see constant posts about how happy people are and how amazing their lives are but you have to remember, that isn’t their lives 24/7. Someone is always going to be jealous of someone else. My blog is just starting out and I’m already catching myself obsessively checking my stats. It’s not healthy but I can’t stop. I want to make sure that I’m putting all of my time and energy into this blog for a reason. It’s partly for fun and for myself but I do want other people to read it and comment so that I can engage with others who also share my passion of books. I’m lucky enough to have a steady income and therefore can purchase books but I’m still jealous of others who can spend even more than me. Honestly, I can say that I’m jealous of you! you have awesome content, cute graphics and lots of comments and likes.

I know how you feel and I honestly think that many of us book bloggers can relate to some of these jealousies! So much about the community seems to be about what unicorn arcs you get, taking the best pictures, getting the best swag and that really bothers me. Social media is all about us putting forward our best selves & portraying the lives we want to be living — but remember that no one’s life is perfect and I think we are all insecure.

I am sorry you don’t have any current blogging friends though! My DMs are always open. and I recommend checking out one of the book blogging discord groups to be able to chat with, get to know, and collab with other book bloggers. It’s totally made my life a lot better!

I commend your courage for having the bravery to be vulnerable and post this.

I relate to this post SO MUCH! Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️ I just barely got my first job in the later half of 2018, but before that, it was so difficult to get books! I would read nearly all my books through OverDrive, and could only buy books from birthdays/holidays money. This often meant I was behind the hype train, which made me feel a bit excluded from the community when everyone else was raving about these new releases. I’m so grateful that my library often has YA titles, but not having the financial means to purchase new releases is definitely a downer!

I have a little blog and I ALWAYS compare my stats and content to other bloggers (even though I wish I didn’t). It’s hard to feel satisfied with our blogs when there are others that receive much more engagement, likes, subscribers, etc. But, as you said, stats definitely aren’t all that matters! This is just something I need to work on! lol

Ilsa, you are such an amazing blogger and ilysm!! You’re so sweet, always write such thought provoking posts, and are all around a lovely person! ❤️

“I DONT WANT TO LIVE IN USA” I totally relate with you on this cause I love my country but when 90% of books released is not available to you as quick as e-book then I get jealous, I am an unemployed adult still living in my parent house imagine the horror of asking them for money to buy books (they dislike my hobby of reading) yikes.!! I can’t even.
A trick I do have and I had learn is to buy e-book, then when it that time of the year “Black Friday” I order those I genuine like and can afford.
And yes I get jealous of those who had easy access to the books and can buy the whole library under a week for that reason I tends to avoid book pod and occasionally online book store

Ahhh I’m sorry about your situation. I am so thankful I have a library and quite a good access to books – but yes sales are the best and I always try and take advantage of them. Thanks for the comment xx

It’s like you typed out every little thing I’ve been feeling….BUT, I’ve been feeling it in the most opposite way.

Let me explain…

I’m an author.

I’ve just independently published a series of six YA books. (Key word being independently.) So I don’t have a huge publisher helping me promote them. There’s just me.

I’ve given them away to a lot of people. MOST of these people didn’t respond when they received them. At all. No thank you, no acknowledgement of the fact that they had received a gift wrapped parcel of six books. Nothing.

I’ve hunted for new book bloggers to contact – a lot of them have got TBR lists so huge they actively don’t want any reading requests. Some even say they will only speak to publishers directly – they don’t want to speak to authors at all.

Basically, it feels like nobody wants to talk to me.

And I’m not contacting these people, hounding them to BUY books. They have been offered as gifts. The ENTIRE series. As gifts.

I know the books are virtually unknown at this point – which is why I’m happy to gift them to genuine readers, who are willing to give some virtually unknown books a chance…

But I physically can’t get through to anyone.

And I know I took that chance when I made that decision to publish independently…it’s just awful to feel like there’s this big bookish clique that I’ve been excluded from.

So, yeah, I can entirely relate ._.

I am SO SO glad I found this post. ❤️

(Oh, and if you click on my link you can check out my book series. If it sounds like something you’d want to read, just let me know. I’ll send you some copies. They will of course be a gift. ❤️)

I’m really glad that you found this post relatable – I am for that in nearly all my posts!! So that’s great. ❤ I'm sorry you're feeling a bit ignored in the community. I definitely don't take review requests and I think it's something worth noting that we bloggers are human! Sometimes we get a little bit overwhelmed – and I definitely agree that this community is very focused on "hyped" books and they is very little space for self-published authors. I appreciate that! I honestly am not interested in romance-focused books unfortunately ❤ Sending all my love!

Hi! Know that you’re not alone in feeling all those kind of things. I can totally relate. I’m still a student and I didn’t come from a privileged family. Netgalley was my only source of ARCS and *whispers* blog tours! I can’t afford books, especially how their prices rose up fast. I used to get my books from thrift shops and buy second-hand copies. As a book blogger, there’s this pressure that you have to follow the trend. You have to be “in” to gain more engagement to the community. Reading new releases can be a pain in our wallets.

I know that our blogs are supposed to be our very own spaces and we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others but it can’t be helped sometimes. I know many people would say, “stats are just numbers.” Well, yes they are. But achieving great numbers gives you this awesome feeling that all your efforts have paid off. You feel that everything you’ve done was worth it. Then you try to produce better content and not get that much attention yet while others are so damn well famous that their posts can reach hundred of views and likes. Sometimes, you can’t help but get jealous. I get jealous too.

I admire you for putting everything you’re feeling into words. This is such an amazing post.

Jealousy is a very normal emotion – we just have to make sure it doesn’t overtake our own work ethic. It’s hard not to feel jealous when I know I work hard for my blog. It’s hard when I request books – those with Asian characters and anxiety/depression which I know I can provide an own voices review for – to the publisher and never receive a reply, but then see other bloggers receive a physical copy.

I also don’t have access to libraries or those online ebook libraries everyone seems to have these days! 😦

When I first joined blogging I feel into the consumerism idea of having to buy every book and let me tell you, WHAT A WASTEFUL HABIT! So, now, I try to stay away from buying books on a whim. I, honestly, don’t have the money to buy many books or even one with how expensive they are! So, you can imagine my trouble with all the consumerism. I thought I had to keep up. Now, I’m trying to stay away from such things. It brings me no happiness, you know?

We are taught in library school that with the help of the internet, people have more access to libraries. Reading your response really highlights the problems that people are still having. Thank you for sharing.

I love this post, it was so honest. I know I had this anxiety BEFORE EVEN STARTING so its beautiful to know I’m not alone! These anxietys wont stop me, this is my way of expressing myself and I started it to STOP comparing myself to other’s and do something I love. I tell myself this everytime I think I’m not good enough to post something. Thank you for this post it was one of the best things I’ve read today! Dont stop blogging I want to read more from you 😁❤

Thank you for your lovely post. I have been blogging for about four years now and I constantly still compare myself to other blogs and feel bad that I am not doing enough. But then I started to remember why I started to blog: to talk about my love for books. So try to remember that mantra when you are writing for your blog. If you need a break from it, take the a break. The internet and blogsosphere will still be there.

It’s funny how you say that you are unable to receive ARCs from the US due to you living in the UK and I am the totally opposite! I prefer books from the UK and I have to wait until the books are published in the US in order for me to read them, which is not always the case. You might think that as me being a librarian, I receive a lot of free ARCs but unfortunately that is not the case. I too have to rely on buying books if I want to recommend them to patrons. However, you and others are hit the hardest because you have no income to help thrive your book habit. I know the UK is going through a library crisis but still try to make use of your public libraries! I wish I can send you the ARCs I receive from publishers but like you said, consumerism and capitalism gets in the way. Publishers really should make their more accessible to readers.

Oh wow I’m so late to this post but oh my god I can relate to this SO MUCH. And I don’t find you whiny or annoying at all ❤ I care a bit less about stats than I used to, but it's still really disheartening to work really hard on a post and then get like two comments.

I always get soooo jealous when I see other people's book hauls/book box unboxing because like… I can't afford that. I'm a teen with no income source. I get a lot of books around Christmas because my friends and family understand my love for books and get me a lot of books and gift cards, but for the rest of the year I can't really afford many.

And wow I can relate so much to being jealous of other people's friendships? I just have a really hard time reaching out to anyone, so I really only have a few close friendships online, and it always feels like everyone else has so many great close friends on here? And I mean the friends I do have are wonderful, but we don't talk all that much, and yeah.

I live in Ecuador so it’s so, so complicated to get the books I want. I have to do some juggling, sometimes a lucky find in the local bookstore, I’ve had the privilege of my mom travelling once a year to the US and she brings me some books too. And now finally I made my first ‘official’ book purchase with my own money since I got a job.

But the international struggle is real. We all have some privilege here and there, but we all practically share the same struggles. The teen struggle, for not being able to decide to buy a $50 book box (20-ish bucks the shipping), the international struggle, for not having the same opportunities others have, and the just plain human struggle of wanting validation and love and connection, and feeling like we’re not enough.

Ths post is so important because through the conversations here we’re showing we’re definitely not alone, and it’s okay to feel jealous as hell (welcome to the club everybody!) because we all want the same things. I think blogging wise, the good thing is that it pushes us to continue improving!

Yeah. I feel like there’s sometimes such a noticable divide between those can get books and those who can’t. this comment was really insightful and i just wish books were more accessible to everyone, esp INTL readers. thanks so much for your comment ❤

I can agree on so many levels with this post. But, I just wanted to point out, why exactly do you feel guilty about asking to buy books from your parents? It shouldn’t be anything to be shamed of, and literature is the best thing to spend money on. Of course, I understand if you’re asking to buy too many books, but I think occasionally you should. ❤

first of all, a big big thank you for writing this post. not many can capture the honesty and truth in what bloggers feel in the community, and you have done that perfectly. I can totally relate to not having money to buy books! I don’t have a job yet, so the only actual income I get is probably from a short term summer job. whenever I see posts or booktube videos about people buying books, it instantly hits me that wow, I really want to be able to but I can’t. for that, the library is my best source 😅 I always find myself putting on hold books on the library website maybe too often than I should, but creating piles of books just seems to make me happy?? oh my goodness, stats and fame!! to be honest, it’s one of the main reasons why I almost quit blogging awhile ago, because I just felt so insecure and that my blog is worthless. however, I’ve learned since then that I’m blogging because I enjoy doing it, not as a way to get validation. plus, the amazing friends I’ve made from blogging is amazing :)) I just began book blogging and don’t actually have a lot of experience in this niche, so seeing wonderful bloggers like you are really inspirational! you are an amazing blogger, and please know that i truly mean that. thank you for this post 💕

Jealousy is natural, and honestly I feel this all the time, especially while watching booktube! Whenever I’m feeling a little bit down about my reading, how much I own, how little arc’s are sent to me, I just tell myself to worry about what I’m doing. As long as I’m proud of the content I put out, I can fully enjoy myself blogging.

I can relate to jealousy. There are things people can do or have the time to do that I just don’t have room in my life to do. I’m not a social media guru; I do buy books, but I don’t have the time to read as much as others; and I wish I could write or design like some people. In the end, it’s a learning process: to love and appreciate others’ talents while nurturing my own. And it is a continuous learning process with ups and downs.

This is honestly such a great post, and thank you so much for writing it!! It’s also always exciting to find someone else on the internet who is English!! PS if you ever get the opportunity to go to NYALitFest at UCLAN in Preston you totally should! It’s small yet awesome… and I am slightly biased bc I’m going to be doing my masters in Publishing at UCLAN next year /shrug.

PS Do you have an Amazon Wish List for books? I’m poor AF right now, but it’s something I’d like to keep in mind for future because I.. love giving people books.