Couples

Long-term relationships are harder than we imagine. Often they are battles of selfhood that can show the worst in us. My counselling effort is to turn the worst into the best.

Couple counselling is about...

Most marital problems are invitations for personal growth. Couples counselling is about helping people look at themselves, look at their part in the relationship pain, and work on purposes and goals - even when difficult and different.​

COUPLES SESSIONS: 90 MINUTES

80 minutes face-to-face

10 minutes for writing case notes

​Can I speak my truth whether its right or wrong and will you stay in the room even though it may hurt you? Probably not…so I’ll just tell you what you want to hear…

Why do couples develop relationship problems?Because getting your needs met does not often meet your partner’s needs - and this leads to conflicts and arguments.

“We don’t communicate”People who “fall in love” have great communication skills. Couples communicate – often it’s the message that isn’t tolerable.

Why can’t my spouse understand me?Because “understand me” really means “I want my partner to understand me the way I want to be understood.” Couple counselling is about providing a more accurate understanding, which leads to each person no longer needing the other partner to “understand me.”

Using labels to explain behaviors“You’re crazy,” “You’re screwed up,” “You’re so selfish,” “you’re a nag,” – these are labels, often used to keep the other partner off balance, or quiet.

Tolerating discomfortLong-term relationships are “people making machines” that require people to tolerate discomfort. Relationships are more difficult than we imagine. Tolerating discomfort is about learning to “grow up” and “show up,” so real intimacy can happen.

Can I maintain a connection with myself and connect to my partner?Very often people give themselves up in order to be in relationship. Couple counselling is about helping people understand that there are two people, with competing needs and agendas, and the relationship must tolerate equality and flexibility.

​"Judith Wiley has a reputation for reliable, quality care and I respect her practical, honest approach. When I chose to retire from psychotherapy, I was happy to know an excellent clinician to whom I could confidently refer clients. Friends of mine have worked with Judith and I had the opportunity to personally witness a transformation in their relationships, self-esteem, and over-all outlook on life. Colleagues in the mental health field speak highly of Judith and her commitment to our work."