2014-11-17

By Gum, It's Gum. Thankless Heathen November

I'm not one for posts of thankful on social media, I figure that is reserved for people who know what the made up words on the Starbuck's menu actually mean. However, since I've recently found out I'm hosting Thanksgiving, it's a good time to convince myself just how thankful I should be.Where do I even start? The best of course. My most recent treasure found looking for recipes on the internet:Thanksgiving gum.

Guess what I'll be serving on turkey day? You guessed it: Pumpkin Pie Martinis.Also Thanksgiving gum. Each tin contains 22 gumballs, or ONE SERVING if you're 'Murican. Since they require no cooking, I may even shop for fancy turkey plates to serve them on. Paper, of course.

Mmmm, food from balls. Remember that scene from Willy Wonka where Violet tries the 3- course meal in a gum ball? Then turns into a blueberry. That will be happening in ComfyTown. "How's your turkey gum, kids?"

Thanks, Imgur

Hey, if olde timey dads can get out of doing laundry by washing lights and darks together, I can probably wiggle out of hosting holidays by serving nothing but booze and gum. It's worth a shot.Okay, that might be a little ridiculous, only having gum and booze. Think of the children. Anyone know where I can order these Roasted Turkey flavored Doritos? I found a picture, but I don't speak Japanese.

Washed down with old fashioned pumpkin pie spice potato chips. Just like Grandma used to serve.

Hopefully I can find this in a local store. Even I know ordering ice cream online is a bad idea.

Check out the FANCY cranberry can-shaped sauce.

This day is going to be super fancy. I hope I have something appropriate to wear.

Thanks, Pinterest.

This post is kind of phoned in, but considering I finished off my week of battling other people's children's bodily fluids for less than minimum wage by cleaning and scrubbing my kitchen floor Cinderella-style, I'm surprised I'm posting anything other than a manifesto. Hopefully I'll be back to more funny shenanigans soon.Here's last year's post about Black Friday, funny AND informative. Good advice on how to avoid leaving your house not only on Black Friday, but how to do 99.9% percent of your holiday shopping from your couch. You're welcome, America:http://www.comfytownchronicles.com/2013/11/black-friday-nope-and-still-give-flying.htmlThanks to everyone for your patience and for reading, and especially those that take the time to leave comments. They're always hilarious, and my favorite part of blogging.Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good beer.

I had to actually stop myself from posting a ton of Willy Wonka .gifs, you know there are several Tumblr accounts for ALL of the characters?? I could spend hours just looking at that junk. I used to do just that, actually.

I'm liking the beer bottle decor, I'll take a pass on the turkey flavored gumballs. What I really want to know is who thought it would be a good idea to make pea flavored soda? I like peas as much as the next person but I don't think I could swallow down a fizzy drink with the aroma of dirty feet. Ugh!

hahaha that IS what peas smell like, thank you. I could never quite put my finger on the exact scent. Like how Fritos smell like dog paws. TRUE STORY. My niece can't even eat Fritos anymore, which is a good thing IMHO.I just really wonder what the DINNER ROLL flavored soda tastes like, butter and flour? Carbonated? I tried one of these holiday packs one year, can't remember what specifically was in it. I bought it for my nephew and we made a dare game out of drinking them, they were almost all totally disgusting. Fun game, though!

(sorry, everyone else already had cool references to movies, and so I felt the need to find my own movie (to reference)... I think it would be the perfect Thanksgiving to have everyone eat food pills and/or mutated snacks! (My favorite image I've come across when writing posts is the zombie Thanksgiving. very appropriate*)

hahahaha funny and timely! As just this past Saturday day night I was supposed to go to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror. But alas, just I've done at least twice during our vidchats, I FELL ASLEEP prematurely. D'oh! I would love love LOVE to serve nothing but food pills. I would pay good money for that! Please tell me you have a link, or an email for Willy Wonka. I think we both know I'm at LEAST as weird as you are, but for me, not in such a good, positive way :)

hahahaha..This cracked me up!!! I think it's a perfect idea to put out the special dinnerware and just have a few gumballs rolling around on the plate. Everyone will look at you, ...and then look at their plate, ...and then maybe decide to leave and get a Thanksgiving Pizza! I mean....Isn't everything open on Thanksgiving now a days? It works out because think of how easy the clean up will be! NO tupperware needed!!

I love your visual of fancy plates. I was picturing paper plates. We don't even really have fancy plates. Well, somewhere packed away in the attic is my MIL's China, but I don't think I'm allowed to even touch it out of the hermetically sealed packaging. I'm a thing-breaker. p.s. I love the sound of Thanksgiving Pizza! I picture a flat bread w/marinara from a jar, then shredded mozzarella cheese and hunks of turkey and sweet potatoes. I might have to make that a thing just to take a picture! If I could just find those Roasted Turkey Doritos, I could top a pizza w/those and cranberry goo from a can and call it a day.

I just may! Thankfully I'm getting most (probably ALL) of next week off! Woo hoo! Unpaid of course, but I could definitely use the break! It'll all be in my TToT. I can't imagine turkey hard candy. I would try it, obvs. I picture bacon being delish. Of course.

Well, if you're headed to ComfyTown bring a couple extra for my kids, would ya? I'll be sure to have enough pumpkin ale and pumpkin pie martini. And party hats so you can wear them on your junk like my Spirit Animal.

Well hello there. I have stumbled across this blog thanks to Lily (above) posting about it. This was awesome and I will now be following like a crazy stalker.... well, more like a lazy Brit who sits underneath his laptop all day and reads blogs... (yea that sounds far less creepy - lets go with that).

Anyway - Just wanted to say I liked your blog and will pop for more once I've found my bacon flavoured car fresherner and had a good sniff!

Now there's something to be thankful for. A whole three course meal in gum. When I saw that I instantly thought of Willy Wonka & sure enough you put Violet next. I do want to order it. My favorite part tho was this: "I'm not one for posts of thankful on social media, I figure that is reserved for people who know what the made up words on the Starbuck's menu actually mean."