This is a personal journal....I have decided that the best way to be accountable for my decisions is to record them. I am on a healthy lifestyle journey, and this is my portal to honesty.
They say the key to honesty is telling people so they can help you hold yourself accountable. So I am telling you.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

So doing good, staying on plan. Proud of myself. I am even accomplishing some daily exercise.

Then the kid strikes.

So I went grocery shopping yesterday bought some good, healthy food. Made plans for meals that were straight off the Weight Watchers site. Doing good.

After a great day of exercise...walking and swimming. I come home to make a wonderful dinner for my family.

Eggplant Parmigiana.

Slave over hot stove, make them pasta to go along with it. Before I am even done the six year old is watching and asking lots of questions about dinner. I can tell she has already made the decision to detest it even before tasting.

We sit down and begin to eat. Mmmm it's good, not that I will ever bother making it again. Even the hubby is eating it. I look over at the six year old. She has eaten her pasta, and is pushing the eggplant around. I ask her to try it, she exclaims she did, but from the perfectly round shape on her plate I know that is impossible.

I help her cut it up and request she eat three bites. She takes her first bite and is chewing making awful faces, sowllows. Her dad is getting mad about the faces, he tells her she better just eat it, no faces, or else.

Next bite she takes it and begins to try and gag. She is glaring her dad down, and gaging. He gets up comes around the table, grabs her arm drags her away, she succeeds at this point eggplant on the floor, along with pasta and grapes.

I am most unimpressed, they go in the bedroom/bathroom clean up have a chat, and return. At this point with all the comotion the 18 mth old who was eating fantasically, has lost interest with all the action.

They return as I am coaxing her to eat. Macy sits down, her and her dad have an agreement. He sits down across from her, and she takes her first bite with horrific faces. He gets up moves her to another table, has his back turned as i watch her spew Eggplant onto the table.

Well I am done. I get up silently walk over get her and take her to her room. Clean her up, and get her in bed. She notices at this point I am upset, to her question I reply "I am just very disappointed".

My appetite is gone, I go out. The baby is done, Don's is cold. Wow this was exactly what I had hoped for in support. I take my plate and feed it to the dog, he loved it.

Logged my points, but in reality they are only half what I logged because I never finished. So all and all I am way ahead of the game tonight.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Breakfast was right on track, fried egg, one slice whole wheat toast, water.

Left for the beach where today hubby and I took Lesson 1 on Kite Surfing. AMAZING! Really hard work, and we spent 2 1/2 hrs in the ocean attached to a giant kite, learning to fly it (which means we were basically dragged around by 11 meter kite. CALORIES BURNED: at least 3000!

Snack: Watermelon

Lunch: Water, Jr Cheeseburger and small fry from Wendy's. A small slide, but I figured it would balance with the figurative 3000 calories.

Here is where I tripped while stepping onto the wagon and fell face first into a quick sand pit.

We then went to the West end of the Island to participate in Cruise Ship Day. See, when the cruise ships come in there is music and street vendors and it is a lot of fun to browse, and sweat to death....really its fun.

Upon facing certain heat stroke, we stepped into a cafe....they served the best local island ice cream, Rum Raisin called my name and I had a dish....really not so bad, remember 3000 calories burned.

Then we finished our exercise in Heat Stroke, I did get a cool beach cover that will look good now, and amazing once thin....one size fits all, but you body always looks better in them when slim. It was a late birthday gift from my mother.

Next on the list for this beautiful Caribbean day was Coconuts. Local beach bar on the west beach where you can watch the sun set and wait for the Green Flash. This was the sand trap.

1 Rum Punch
Chips N Salsa (homemade and fantastic, btw Coconuts is owned and run by one of Don's coworkers). Then I shared ( I was reaching for the wagon at this point).
BBQ Ribs, Beans, & Rice with Don. These were in fact some of the best ribs I have ever eaten. And proven by my current weight, I would know...sharing them was excellent I was not stuffed just right. Don eats fast, so it worked out well.

No dessert thank God.

I haven't tracked my points yet, but I am sure I am way over the limit. Hopefully my 3000 calories will help it be a wash today.

Well, the wagon is coming by tomorrow again hopefully this time I make it on.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Several things brought me to this point. Besides the obvious one that I am most definitely obese. I currently ride the scale between 225# and 219#, man am I fat.

Seventeen months ago my second baby girl was born. I walked out of the hospital 23lbs lighter than I was when I got pregnant (202lbs). I had been very sick with gestational diabetes during my entire pregnancy, which had forced me to eat a strict diet, also I was so sick that often I had to force myself to eat just to keep my blood sugar levels in check, makes it easy to loose even while pregnant. Fortunately I delivered a 9lb beautiful baby girl and was cured, no joke really was. They gave me a strawberry milkshake right after delivery and then checked my blood sugar, should have sent me through the clouds.....nope I was like a normal human being again. I walked out of that hospital feeling fantastic.....I felt good, had another beautiful baby (gives you a high staring at that brand new baby if you have never personally experienced it), and I was close to being under 200lbs, plus I could once again eat what I wanted and boy did I.

So, seventeen months later my other baby girls tuned 6. She wants to be a Dancer, a Performer, and a Surfer. How am I going to keep up with that. Also we all moved to the Virgin Islands. Everywhere I go I see beautiful people, wearing beautiful beach clothes, sporting sexy bikinis, and I think that used to be me....I want that to be me....that is me hiding inside this fat suit. Time to get out, time to be me, time to be free.

I am not like most of the sucess stories I have read or seen. I have not been obese my entire life. I am not some couch potato who stares our the window. I am a very active, obese person. See my entire childhood I was an athlete. I swam and was really good at it. Because I swam so much 4-6hrs a day. I could eat whatever I wanted, and I did. I have terrible eating habits. As I got older, things change like it does for everyone a job replaced the swimming, children replaced workouts, time gets swallowed by diaper changing, bath time, story time, etc. Meals have consisted of fruit snacks, animal cookies, and PB & J. I am still very active, as active as I can be...I could be better. I walk, I ride horses, I swim, I snorkel, I Scuba all in my fat suit.

So I did it, I spent the money (big deal for me, I won't spend it and waste it), joined Weight Watchers for support and guidelines to help get my eating where it should be. I am starting with control on my food, I plan to get more specific about my exercise in a week or two. For now I am going to be my obese active self and start with better for ya food, and less of it.

Wish me luck, follow my journey, I plan to be 100% honest here so some days might not be so pretty. But I have to face the music....I am FAT, and I am not going to Hide, Ignore, or placate my FAT self anymore. Time to be in control, time to win!!!