Pooping in Public Since 2008

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Why I’m Done Being A Cow

Okay, I lied. All this time you’ve known me as a cat and here I am now confessing I’ve always been a big part cow. I’m sorry, okay? The good news is I’m done being a big part cow. Somehow, I got tired of it. Wait. Let me rephrase that. IT EXHAUSTED THE HELL OUT OF ME.

The gravity of the situation struck me most when I started talking to machines. A low battery prompt showed up on my computer, interrupting what I was doing, telling me to go plug my PC in. Instinctively, I snapped and said, “Don’t tell me how to live my life.” OMG. I really did say it out loud and hearing myself made me laugh and laugh.

Look, I don’t have any problems with cows. Life is easy when you’re a cow. You do the same thing every day. You follow the same routines. You do what is expected of you. Basically, you are a cow because you can be a cow. When your comfort zone is comfortable, why the fuck will you get out of it? This is the mind set of a cow and I’m telling you, it can really grow on you.

But I’m done with being a cow, you know? I’m done because I started thinking what if I become more than a cow? I began pondering over possibilities and realizations hit me. Hey, maybe there is something more and maybe that something more can take a good thing to a better one. Maybe there is another way, maybe there is another way to do shit, maybe there is another way that will show me what I’m missing.

Mind you, it takes a lot of imagination and control. I can probably do okay with imagination but the control is the hard part; in fact there are times when I wish for nothing else to just revert to being a cow. It is what I have always known after all. But it is not enough anymore so I must find a way to move forward.

To be honest, I’m being half-assed about shedding my big cow part but that’s okay. I’m just afraid and I have decided that it is okay to be afraid, as long as I keep pressing on towards the pasture using a different route this time, with different means, and more important, a different mind set that does not involve being a cow, I’ll get there.

But a part of me is going crazy because people have been used to me being a cow and now that I am trying to be more than a cow it is so surprising for them they think I’m motherfucking insane to be doing this. But you know what, it gets tiring living up to the expectations of being a cow.

I don’t want to be an amalgam of expectations anymore. I am tired of being a democracy and I want to do things simply because I want to and if that means not being a cow, then so be it. I just want to get to know me for me, you know? And if I’m part cow that can be difficult so I’m trying to move past that.

After all, how inspiring can it be, thinking one day I’ll end up a cheese burger?

that’s true too, shit happens and when it does, you go down with it. thank you, my lady. i’m trying. i thought i need a break. hell, i deserve one. i deserve to be freaking happy, the kind where my face hurt from too much smiling, the kind where i’m crying from too much laughing. i’m done with wanting to be a cheeseburger. maybe i’ll be an ice cream one time.