Kinder-News :: Unkle Lancifer Spent 1992 in a Coma

One of my favorite things about co-hosting the seventies throw-back variety show KINDERTRAUMA is that I learn something new everyday, either by researching traumafessions or by the comments left by you, our dear readers. Yesterday, after one of my favorite people on Earth, cousin KITTY LECLAW, mentioned TINA YOTHERS in a comment, I went about finding a suitably embarrassing clip of YOTHERS to send her way. I inadvertently fell into a youtube k-hole that resulted in my discovery of the video game NIGHT TRAP. How did I miss out on this? What the hell was I doing in 1992? (I shudder to think, was that the year I was a frequently blacking-out, devout CURVE groupie or a well-paid white lotus yoga instructor?) The late DIFF’RENT STROKE’s DANA PLATO starred in this live action video game where players attempted to save slumber party girls from roaming vampiric marauders with the use of security cameras and hidden traps. The game was banned for being indecent, is partially responsible for the video game rating system used today, was ranked the twelfth worst of all time by ELECTRONIC GAMING MONTHLY, and was even publicly lambasted by none other than CAPTAIN KANGAROO. Again, where was I and what was I drinking when all this was going down? If I’d only known I would have been all over this like a suicidal pigeon on rice! Check out this scene from the game and tell me the cackling evil “adult” characters are not right off of ELM STREET…

Yeah I’ll admit it, I’ve watched that clip about ten times now. That bed-trap lady cracks me up, and hows’ bout that rad music score? This game looks way too awesome to me. It smacks of that rarely found perfect mixture of oddly creepy and patently ridiculous. Oh 1992, I’m so sorry that I ignored you, apparently you were not so boring after all!

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20 responses so far ↓

OMG. My boyfriend totally shit a brick when he saw this. It looks AWESOME. Does anyone know where I could find the game? My mancub hinted that it might make a good b-day present.

If I could revel a bit… I’m from Vegas where Dana lived and worked at a dry cleaners for a period of time. She held up a video store there too, if you remember. The girl who was held up actually applied for a job at the record store I worked in and on the part of the application that says “Reason for leaving your last job,” she wrote “Held up by Dana Plato”.

No joke.

I think we called her in for an interview but didn’t give her the job. I remember she was on a Current Affair and everything!

I still love Dana. Ever see the Sex Puppets? Pretty good. She was so cute.

Back in 95 when I was a Senior Assistant Manager (and you will address me as Senior Assistant Manager) at a Software ETC, we still had a Night Trap on the shelf, new, for the Sega CD system.

While I never had the Sega CD doomed attachment, there is one game that haunts me to this day from my days at Software… and I’ll send you guys a post about that game today… (yes, that’s called “suspense”).

Oh Unk, if only you had been one of the lucky few invited to Adam’s 12th birthday party — you could have played Night Trap all night long! For the first hour we thought it was the most amazing video game ever, but later that night we were all ready to be attacked by vampires ourselves just to end the frustrating, repetitive ordeal that is trying to play Night Trap. I even had a cheat guide for the game, and it was still impossible.

You can watch the entire game of Night Trap and check out many other shitty FMV games here at FMV World.

You guys never cease to amaze me. How do you find this stuff? You’ve been given an amazing gift. Not only that- you apparently never get sick, hung-over or depressed cuz every day I come here and every day you have fresh new stuff up (unlike me , who updates her site every 6 months or so!)

Amanda,
That’s a great story. I’ve got to use “Robbed by Dana Plato” on my next job application! Poor Dana! I love that she was actually a customer at the store she robbed, plus wasn’t she bailed out of jail by Wayne Newton?

Adam,
why was I not invited to that party? It was the head lice right? I remember having a crappy CLUE game that you were meant to play on VHS and it was the same deal…total torture!

Proff and CarrieWP,
Love CURVE. They still sound great to me. How cool does T.H look in that Fait accompli video? I’m such a sucker for the pale faced & raven haired filmed in B&W. Some one needs to cast her in a vampire flick stat

Can we have a Tina Yothers book club party? We can read the book, then come together and discuss. Oh… here’s the book: http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a180/mittins/beingyourbest.jpg
And I can bring strippers again… not Carol Burnett ones, but Dana Plato ones… or, a Faces of Death Dana Plato (R.I.P. my lady, you were one of my first masturbation fantasies.)

Fox,
That book made my day! I’m still laughing. You know Yothers is always claiming that she looked weird on family ties because she was surrounded by such tiny people but there she is on that book cover ALONE and she still looks like the kinder surprise egg….

Does anyone remember when they were trying to make Tina Yothers into a Teen Pop Star of sorts? They even had her sing on the show a few times. And, no, Im not talking about the rock band she’s in now (which I THINK is called JADEDE). I’m talking about when she was a chubby little wild permed blonde 14 year old. My best friend used to drag me into record stores (back when they HAD ‘record stores’ and we werent all illegally downloading tunes off the ‘puter!) and he would find the ONE copy RECORD WORLD would always have in stock and pull it out and scream “HERE’S THAT TINA YOTHERS RECORD YOU WERE LOOKING FOR!” at me, just to make me look stupid. I remember one particularly dull day – the album had the lyrics to Tina’s epic songs printed on the back of it – he actually sat there and READ the whole thing to me. (I think there was a line in one song that went “I wanna be your girly girl” and he just about wet his pants laughing over that one).
The funny thing is, now I wish we had bought it! I imagine I’d be having a good laugh listening to that sh!t right about now!

Fox, that Yothers tribute site is something else. That guy is running for some kind of office right now. I think it’s one of the seven signs of the apocalypse! Thanks for the link! It’s funny and kind of sad for me. I REALLY want to go back to the 80s.

Everyone is entitled to one celebrity they are absoluetly ga-ga over. This guy picked Tina Yothers?? I just briefy scrwaled over his fan site and was beside myself: I knew Tina Yothers had released an album but I didn’t realize she played places! I loved those print ads for COME SEE MENUDO…..AND TINA YOTHERS! Or those Freestyle ones like COME SEE THE COVERGIRLS, CYNTHIA and TINA YOTHERS.
Wow! Can you imagine going to see THE COVERGIRLS in a club in the ’80s and finding out the Opening Act was Tina Yothers?? You’d be like “What the F*CK????” Hahaha.