COMING BACK TO WHAT YOU KNOW

Reunions can be tricky events, particularly when you want to show your former friends/lovers/colleagues/inmates that you've gone on to better things. Just look at poor old Cristiano Ronaldo who ran into his old team-mates last night and presented them with the spectacle of a man whose only achievements since leaving Old Trafford were to have become much richer, well-known, perma-tanned and dead gooder at football. Luckily for Chelsea's Petr Cech, he won't suffer similar humiliation when he returns to his old club Sparta Prague in Euro Vase tonight – because during his time in London he's become the proud owner of a sweat-stained scrum cap he swiped from the London Irish changing rooms: who said immigrants don't steal our rightfully earned riches?

Petr does bring one small problem with him, though. For he returns to the Czech Republic with a nasty case of little-finger-snap, sustained when he accidentally punched Gary Cahill in the head a few weeks back. "It's broken and yes, it hurts. Being a goalkeeper, you use your hands sometimes so it doesn't help. I've tried to protect it in training," said Cech, as the Fiver scented comedy gol... comedy silv... comedy bron... comedy tin. "So I've asked Fernando Torres to take a few shots at me," he didn't add.

Chelsea – who bravely engineered their Big Cup exit so they could be in with a chance of becoming only the fifth club after Bayern Munich, Ajax, Juventus and Barcelona to complete the sweep of Europe's main trophies – will be a tad under-strength. After watching Efe Ambrose fall asleep for large periods of Celtic's Big Cup defeat to Juventus following the player's return from the Africa Cup of Nations, Rafa Benitez has decided to omit Nigeria's Mikel John Obi and Victor Moses. Meanwhile, David Luiz is suspended and Demba Ba is Vase-tied.

Elsewhere, Newcastle take on rock legends Metalist Kharkiv, Spurs host a tasty tie against Lyon and Liverpool travel to Zenit St Petersburg, a game about which we have some earth-shattering exclusive previews but seeing as the match will probably have kicked off by the time you read this, we're not going to tell you.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The baby is beautiful, my impression is that from his nose upwards he looks like Maradona" – Diego Maradona's lawyer confirms the Argentinian's new son, Diego Fernando, may not have his father's feet, but then he's also avoided his waistline as well.

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FIVER LETTERS

"Re yesterday's last line. May I be the first of 1,057 sure-to-reply-numerology-pedants to question the significance of 583,987? 16,350,683 cards sent out would have been marginally more clever and dare I say more interesting (albeit when viewed in a base 32 world)" – Martin Dickson.

"I saw that in the quote you attributed to Lord Ferg (yesterday's Fiver) you refrained from putting the square brackets around [Big Cup]. Please tell me he actually called it that. Then again, if he did, that would suggest that the Fiver's influence has reached the highest levels of club football. On second thoughts, please dispel this troubling scenario and confirm it was just a typo" – Scott Pratt.

"If the Fiver was a racehorse (Fiver passim), it would clearly be Sad Ken" – Mark Jelbert.

Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. And to placate certain readers, the Fiver awards prizeless Fiver letter o' the day to: Martin Dickson.

JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES

We keep trying to point out the utter futility of advertising an online dating service "for interesting people" in the Fiver to the naive folk who run Guardian Soulmates, but they still aren't having any of it. So here you go – sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly romantics who would never dream of going out with you.

BITS AND BOBS

Too hot to handle too cold to hold: that's Lord Ferg's verdict on Danny Welbeck in last night's Big Cup draw with Real Madrid. "He was marvellous," purpled Ferg. "It is a pity he got cramp at the end of game, but he worked so hard."

England are only the fourth best team on Earth, despite their World Cup final victory over Brazil last week. Spain remain top of the Fifa rankings, while Nigeria rose 22 places to No30 after their Africa Cup of Nations victory.

And Mark Robins has left Coventry heartbroken on Valentine's Day, swapping the Ricoh Arena for Huddersfield Town. "To say we are disappointed is an understatement," sobbed Coventry chief executive Tim Fisher, holding the box of Quality Street he had planned to give Robins after they watched Love Actually. "We gave Mark a three-year contract which we saw as a long-term appointment."

STILL WANT MORE?

Jamie Carragher's best moments, a sneaky kick to the unmentionables and someone outskiing an avalanche all feature in this week's Classic YouTube.

Like a three-year-old discussing Finnegans Wake, David de Gea, Jonny Evans, Phil Jones and Danny Welbeck showed stunning displays of maturity against Real Madrid, says Jamie Jackson. Who also webchattered about the game with you, the reader.