Together but Still Lonely

3 ways to connect with the distant person next to you on the couch.

Being married offers no protection from the dangers of loneliness: Studies indicate that roughly 20% of the general population suffers from chronic loneliness at any given time, and in one recent study of older adults, 62.5% of people who reported being lonely were married and living with their partner.

We typically don’t conceive of loneliness as a condition that requires urgent intervention, but perhaps we should. In addition to the emotional anguish loneliness creates, it also has devastating effects on our mental and physical health. Loneliness depresses our immune system functioning, increasers inflammatory responses that put us at greater risk for cardiovascular disease, and can literally shorten our longevity. On the mental health front, loneliness puts us at risk for depression and anxiety and causes us to distort our perceptions such that we view ourselves, our lives, and our relationships more negatively—which in turn, influences our behavior in damaging ways.

How Loneliness Impacts Our Relationships

Loneliness distorts how we see other people and makes us devalue our relationships. We perceive others as less caring, less interested, and less committed than they actually are, and we judge our relationships to be weaker and less satisfying than they may really be. In an effort to protect ourselves from even further emotional hurt, we become hyper-alert to any signs of rejection from others and more apt to miss signs of acceptance. As a result—and often without realizing we’re doing it—we become overly defensive and come across to others as detached, aloof, or even hostile, which only pushes them further away.

How Loneliness Operates in Marriages

Although we might believe marriage can insulate us from the ravages of loneliness, that is not the case. Loneliness is determined by the subjective quality of our relationships not their objective quantity, nor just by whether we happen to be living with a spouse. Loneliness in marriage often happens slowly, as the disconnection we feel from our spouse gradually increases over years.

At some point, discussions about mutual interests, world events, and goals and dreams cease entirely and conversations become purely transactional—“We need milk,” “Your mother called,” or “Did you remember to pay the cable bill?”—or focused exclusively on parenting. We also fall into daily routines that foster emotional distance—one person watches television in the evening while the other is on the computer, or one goes to bed at 9 pm and wakes at 5 am while the other goes to bed at midnight and wakes at 8 am. In short, we lose the love and the affection but stay in the marriage; ironically, often out of a fear of being lonely, although by doing so, we potentially doom ourselves to the very loneliness we were trying to avoid.

How to Combat Loneliness in Marriage

The emotional isolation that encompasses us when we’re lonely leads our relationship muscles to atrophy, as we rarely use them in meaningful ways. To improve the quality of our relationship, we have to strengthen these muscles. Doing so does require practice and patience, but improving our rusty skills (even if we don’t feel they’re rusty) can make a significant difference in the quality of our relationship bond—and deepen our connections with other significant people in our lives as well:

1. Take the initiative. If you’re lonely, chances are your partner is, too. But they are also probably trapped in a cycle of emotional disconnection and feel helpless to break it. Try to initiate conversations that are not about transactional details. Ask them for their views about something they care about and make sure to demonstrate you’re listening. (See "How to Validate Someone’s Emotions.") Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away, as habits take time to change, but after a few gestures of goodwill they will likely return the favor.

2. Create shared experiences. If your spouse is in the other room watching their favorite show, sit next to them (at the start of the show) and say, “You love this show so much I want to give it a try.” They may be confused, suspicious, or both, but just be sincere and try to see the show through their eyes, even if it’s not your thing. After the show, tell them what you appreciated about—even if it was terrible, find something!

You can also suggest certain activities that require little effort (which will minimize objections) such as walks around the block or in the park, cooking a meal together, watching your wedding video or your children’s (reminding yourselves of more connected times), organizing a photo album together, or writing a letter together to a common friend of family member.

3. Practice taking their perspective. The longer we’re married, the more we tend to assume we know what the other person is thinking. But research clearly indicates this is not so. Figuring out another person’s perspective (known as perspective taking) is a thought exercise we can't skip. We actually have to close our eyes and focus for a few minutes (not seconds) on the other person’s perspective, imagining their world and their point of view within it. Gaining a greater understanding of your partner’s thoughts and feelings will allow you to express more sympathy and understanding toward them—in turn, deepening your mutual bond (See "How to Test Your Empathy".)

I agree 100%. My marriage went sexless 15 years ago after my last child was born. I found myself trapped in a celibate relationship because I wanted to live under the same roof as my kids. Trying to outsource my sexual needs has proved almost impossible as married men looking for sex are considered to be pond scum by women in clubs. bars and dating sites. I haven't had sex with anyone for over a decade and if I had to do it all over again I would NEVER have gotten married. My sex life when I was single was rich and varied and continuous.

I don't know which came first here, the chicken or the egg. I, too, am in a sexless marriage which has evolved into a loveless marriage, characterized by loneliness. There is no greater insult that a woman can inflict on her husband than to find him unattractive and/or sexually unappealing....especially when other women do not see him that way. So, you stay for the security, the kids, the environment you have created for yourself that you don't want to walk away from, your religious convictions, etc. As Thoreau once said, "Most men live lives of quiet desperation, and go to their graves unfilfilled." How true!

I was so glad to read your posting because I thought I was the only one and was losing my mind from the sheer loneliness day after day after day. No kissing, no hugs, no romance, no love. I am a live in maintenance man to pay the bills and shut up. Have been sleeping alone for over 5 years. Made love to my wife less than 10 times in 20 years. Being a dire hard romantic, I have been going through hell!

M 11 year married have son age 9 . M 29 year old . Being alone destroying me . Husband busy in work office . Than office diners party 4 times in month . Than home with laptop mob work dealing customers all the time . Than 3 or 4 time in month to play PS4 to refresh his self he said . Daily 1 hour he play game in mob before sleep . Son olso have his own activities. M house wife stay at home enjoy doing dishes washing clothes vacuuming. Than bath diner . I have no friends connection of school or college friends. Only have parents who are in different country talk with them some time . Bt m feeling some thing is ending in me . Husband go out for dinner with me 2 times in month . 2 time he take me for grossly . We talk bt most of the time if needed . When Ian talking he always busy with work or he answer most of the time yes ok all right . He replied me in short answers. When I text him he reply so late in 1 or two words . Bt in home he always have mob laptop in hand replying friends customer in sec talk so nicly . Even shop keepers girls or boys . He cracking jokes laughing with . They all say he is so funny . Answers a lot talk so much with shopkeepers but no words with me . If any day I m not feeling good sleep early whole mid night he play game with son cooking . Watching movie . That time no work no busy . He don't want me to go out alone or do job or studying start again . I think some thing getting finished in me frustration feeling low . Whenever I go out or meet his friend all say m beautiful . Bt he never appreciate when I dressed up or take new dye or dress . Not single words . And if I asked how m looking he say yes beautiful. M not getting what was going on with me .

Peaches, I do not know about anyone else, but I have been to a couple therapists and they have me on medication to help deal with it. Also, drinking a LOT! It helps at night when I am alone so I can get to sleep. I am not supposed to mix the two, but it knocks me out instead of lying there crying.

Hey JD, sounds like my marriage at one point. Married for 15+ years to an alcoholic, Thankfully sober now. He was a mean drunk towards me and in turn I withdrew my affection. This was a vicious cycle that lasted for years, more he drank, more I pulled away. He was having a relationship with the bottle and in turn I ended up in an affair for 3 years. Although affair provided love, affection, an escape it just made me feel more lonely at home as I was always longing to be with the AP. Long story short, affair ended, I was devastated and I finally just couldn't conitinue on with how everything was so I confronted my husband with my affair and his drinking. He became sober after a life altering event and had to come to the realization he was an addict. He used alcohol to dull the pain, just like I was in an affair to escape the unhappiness at home. These descructive behaviors don't solve anything. Please do not resort to alcohol to cope, it is not the answer. My husband and I had to become real with each other about why our marriage was falling apart. He learned things at rehab and I at individual counseling. Things are better but we still have to work at it. I know it is NOT easy, turning to alcohol will just make you more depressed. If you haven't yet, try to have a real conversation with your wife about the state of your marriage. Find out what goals / interests you have together. Join a club where you BOTH can meet knew people, exercise, get involved socially. If in the end it doesn't work and there is no hope, then you owe it to yourself to move on. Life is too short and precious.

Blimey mate. Thought it was just me. I'm exactly the same and the only advice you can get is to "spice up your marriage" or "find something in common". Well I tried all that but for her being friends in a sexless marriage is enough.
Sometimes you can't afford to move out, you don't want to upset the family by being the bad guy all the time so you just suffer in silence. The loneliness eats at you and destroys you from the inside.
I'm a really nice, fun bloke, decent looking and hard working but like you say if you try to do anything with a wedding ring on you're made to feel like scum.
Good look mate, it's not much consolation but you're not totally alone.

it's a on an off 6yr relationship on now for 3yrs been great until 6mon the ago,he has changed he does not work he goes to bar at 9 am he drops in home for about 10 min he is gone til 6 he is home for the night we really don't conversate at all,are sex life is not good make one every 2mon he never gets aroused with me he claim it's his diabetes, about 3 months ago I found viagra in his truck it was along song an dance all I could remember is that's what he used with me when we started dating I have no trust I deal with due to me fighting cancer I don't want to be alone at Dr Appt due to my doctor is out of state and he always takes me

it's a on an off 6yr relationship on now for 3yrs been great until 6mon the ago,he has changed he does not work he goes to bar at 9 am he drops in home for about 10 min he is gone til 6 he is home for the night we really don't conversate at all,are sex life is not good make one every 2mon he never gets aroused with me he claim it's his diabetes, about 3 months ago I found viagra in his truck it was along song an dance all I could remember is that's what he used with me when we started dating I have no trust I deal with due to me fighting cancer I don't want to be alone at Dr Appt due to my doctor is out of state and he always takes me

it's a on an off 6yr relationship on now for 3yrs been great until 6mon the ago,he has changed he does not work he goes to bar at 9 am he drops in home for about 10 min he is gone til 6 he is home for the night we really don't conversate at all,are sex life is not good make one every 2mon he never gets aroused with me he claim it's his diabetes, about 3 months ago I found viagra in his truck it was along song an dance all I could remember is that's what he used with me when we started dating I have no trust I deal with due to me fighting cancer I don't want to be alone at Dr Appt due to my doctor is out of state and he always takes me

That'll fix it. If you are lonely within marriage the solution according to Guy Wench is obvious, go crawl up the butt of your spouse. I'm sure your spouse will be thrilled with that solution. Go watch a TV show you don't want to watch with your spouse. How about forcing yourself and your spouse to watch that awful wedding video so you can look at your younger better-looking selves be a whole lot happier. That'll fix it.

Or...

You could leave that cocooned nest of a home where all your lonely misery takes place and make a new friend. Or develop a new hobby. Go to a meeting with, gasp, other people who aren't your spouse. Volunteer. Help a neighbor. Join the community organization. Take a walk.

Nope, can't do that. You are married. Go bug your spouse, watch TV and eat more junk food. That's your sorry life. You can watch the rest of us have fun from your window.

That's a good point. Why does being lonely within a marriage mean the problem or the solution is within the marriage itself? Perhaps the cause of loneliness has nothing to do with our partners and more to do with something lacking within ourselves. Which of course can only be resolved by us.

Marriages are deepened and enlivened when two whole, fulfilled individuals come together and compliment each other, not when one individual relies on another to 'complete' them or becomes a crutch to take away their feelings of emptiness.

As a single woman in my 40's people love to manipulate others thinking they have it all. I know men do this as well as most women but blame mostly women for this. As always being cruel to their single friends in 20's, commenting on weight issues, social, psychological, verbal, sexual and physical abuse is always at the center of any luxury home, job, love, and children.

It's unfortunate that single people have to watch someone brag about their lives in the end they will be alone. I saw it in my 20's, 30's and 40's.... probably in my 50's. If stereotypes keep going we will all be alone. I would much rather think than have to listen to a woman yap or a man be cruel to me because he can't think for himself. It's true. if you don't think it is then you must live in mayberry.

An attraction existed somewhere along the way, you just cant see it anymore because of all the "stuff" that has built up around the eyes of your heart. We need to "exercise" our relationship heart or it will stop seeing what we want and only see what we hate.

If we are lazy about our physical health, it slowly loses its strength.

If we are lazy with our dental health, our breath and teeth slowly rot.

If we are lazy with our relationships health then we will no longer see the person we once did.

The great news is that improving your relationship is as easy as brushing you teeth twice a day!

First, just say or do one truthfully nice thing to your partner every morning and every night. Nothing big or unnatural, but make it sincere, and make it focused on what you know they like......a compliment, a gesture, an observation about something they care about, even a gift as small as a buying them their favorite chocolate bar. It is not the actual gift or the words you use that matter......what matters is that each little act is part of one bigger message that you are sending. The message is: i do care, i am trying, i want you to feel good about us. After two weeks you will have planted 28 small seeds and you will start to see something amazing beginig to grow......

1) you will feel better about you! Anyone who can do 28 nice things in two weeks can look in the mirror and say. "I am a nice person"
2) you will have made 28 positive deposits into the emotional bank account of your relatioship. Even if your partner made zero deposits in two weeks, the deposits you have made are still a net improvement for you both
3)at the end of two weeks, even if your partner has not changed, you have. This simple exercise of two nice things each day will help you move to the next level of 4 nice things or 6 nice things until you find yourself making genuine compliments twice a day to everyone in your life.

What ever you want to change in your life, it always comes back to step one.....I need to change myself first. I hope you can succeed as I did when I just started telling my partner something nice twice every day. Eventually she caught on and started doing the same and we didn't just see each other as prison mates.....we saw ourselves as friends with potential for more.

I know you can do it if I can.....your better than me.....and isnt that a nice thing to hear!

I think as I approach my 30 mark with my husband I am qualified to comment on good positive advice. Marriage is a life long project that needs to be nurtured and reviewed. My husband and I are almost empty nesters now, he works out of town sometimes which make my home big, quiet and lonely. Cooking for 1 is no fun, and I'm scared that we are moving on different time tables. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the article by the Dr and the supportive ideas and comments of other posters.
Your sarcasm and frustration with your own personal life is unfortunate. Take a page from Pollyanna book, who knows..... She might rub off on you. Best of luck.

Wish I lived in you're world mate. I tried all that for years. Brought her flowers every week, tried to do stuff we did when we were courting, tried something different in the sex life, read all the books, took all the advice. Sometimes you just grow up differently and one partner is content with a dull sexless life (and is therefore getting what they need) and the other wants a more dynamic relationship. Doesn't make either of them wrong but it means one is happy and the other feels they have to compromise all the time and suffer in silence because it's the "decent" thing to do.
It hurts badly every day and night and sometimes because of the circumstances you're in (home life, religious upbringing, finances etc.) you can't do a thing about it.
I married my wife because of our fantastic sex life, her energy and all the fun we had but it's her choice to take that away and there's not a thing I can do about it.

I'm a member of a flirt forum. It's basically for Married and Flirting and Married and lonely people. I searched the web for places such as this and all I could find at first were forums wanting a membership fee and such. I finally came across this free forum and I have received a lot of support from the members there. It's not a pick up place. The members there are older and give lots of support. You all should check it out. www.flirtsnfriends.com

I am a married man and have been married for 53 years but am extremely lonely I am also a Vietnam veteran with PTSD and Anxyity and cannot be bothered with anything even though I have plenty that needs doing , like looking after my Animals that my wife looks after and I have ploughing and seeding to do but can't be bothered to get going just like last year . I am 73 and my wife is 72 but hardly ever home as she has her own car and is always finding excuses to go out . My car hardly ever leaves the garage as I have no reason to use it .
I do not feel that my future has any hopes for me but don't feel like ending it .
I am totally lost .

ok buddy I will give it to you straight. why do you think your wife stays out a lot? She wants a life and has given up on you sharing one with her so you have given her no choice but to go try to make one herself. do you want a marriage? Then you better start ACTING like you do. show her you want to be with her. plan things for you to do together. yes YOU plan it. and for pete's sake show a little enthusiasm for it and for her. she probably got so sick of craving attention that she doesn't get that she is probably has a lot of anger and resentment that it is your job to melt through.

I can see why your wife goes out..I mean what do you expect...you are no ball of fun....
I am in a lonely /sexless marriage for last 6 yrs(im 54 y/o)and after we sell our boat in France I will be doing the same as your wif e and getting a life when we go back to England.Not only being lonely in my marriage , it's lonely being in a foreign country ,altho the Fench are very hospitable..difficult to make real friends,then being at home with spouse on a different body clock....
I do like the idea of watching a movie together etc etc..but guess it'll be me making the effort as per...!!
This has been so informative reading all the comments and I feel I am not alone...I will email my husband with them but it will hit the trash can..

You are absolutely right. 42 years of marriage and he doesn't get it. That I want his time and attention. Of course I've told him. I've sulked and cried about it. I've begged him, just spend 5 minutes with me. Ok, I get that he's tired, I get that he is a homebody, I get that he works hard and just wants to lay down when he gets home. But he's blowing it, no I won't stray, I'm a devoted wife, but he's got everything a man would want in a woman and he's just taking it all for granted. Like he's mad that I want to be friends with him. He thinks because he "lets" me go and do whatever I want, that should be enough to keep me content. What he doesn't know is that when I am out by myself, I spend most of it driving around, crying my eyes out.

I'm sorry your life seems so lonely and detached right now, and I'll pray for some peace that you so honourably deserve. In a way your wife also must be a bi-product of that awful war, and all the grief that came home and stayed . Do you have access to any social clubs that are Vet based that both you and your wife can join together? Even if you could devote only once a month date to get out from feeling so shut in. Continue to reach out to other web sites and conversation boards and ask for help. You need not be alone. Best wishes.

I'm sorry your life seems so lonely and detached right now, and I'll pray for some peace that you so honourably deserve. In a way your wife also must be a bi-product of that awful war, and all the grief that came home and stayed . Do you have access to any social clubs that are Vet based that both you and your wife can join together? Even if you could devote only once a month date to get out from feeling so shut in. Continue to reach out to other web sites and conversation boards and ask for help. You need not be alone. Best wishes.

Hang in there! Maybe just try going for a short walk each day outside. No pressure... Try one small thing each day, or every other day. I'm glad your wife is able to have found a way to work through keeping lonliness at bay for herself during your time of trying to make peace with your own sadnesses. I wish you well. Thank you for doing your part. Sorry it hurt you. You will be alright. :)

A marriage cannot substitute for the need to relate properly to the world. A couple cannot be everything to each other. Even if they are very close, they can feel very lonely - either as a couple or as individuals - if they are not properly plugged in to a community and playing their part in it.

I have another option, door number 3: If your spouse is genuinely LAZY. After telling him point blank we need to go on a date (haven't in 5 years, he claims he is worried about leaving the kids with a sitter, no friends/family to watch the 4 and 7 yr old..) no effort to do mutual activities like a quiet dinner at the same time at home even after the kids go to sleep, ignores please to get healthy (even 20 lbs overweight I can handle, he is much more, even for prolonging health for his kids' sake, refuses. I work out daily and wish he took pride in appearance too). I even suggested he get help or see a dr. to investigate some mild depression if that is the case (says "I'm FINE") so I am stuck with a roomie basically who comes home and goes on a computer to watch videos and hang out online. Pretty effing grim. Divorce would be instant if not for having 2 young kids.

I liked this article, even though I too noticed that it only referred to focusing on building the marriage relationship as the cure for the loneliness. I agree that it, and most of the suggestions here are appropriate. I don't know why the author chose to leave out making sure as an individual, to reach out in their respective community for friendship and belonging. The partner MAY want to do this as well. Unless, in the case of PTSD. That's a hard one. Not impossible though. :) Sad for the wife as well. She is getting out sounds like... Also for the wife who is taking care of her weight and health issues. I get sad sometimes too. I have a nice home, nice things....But, I don't have the kind of companionship that keeps loneliness within the marriage away. It does take two. Working on myself is very helpful, but not the end all. It takes connection that makes a difference. Other friends are fine. But still needing and wanting to be mindful of my marriage commitment of husband and home. Finances? Need I say more? We all can't be so flippant about just moving on. Especially when all is so heavily invested. Money and otherwise. So, I do feel it is the best to have outside interests away from our spouse to help keep us from depending on them to fullfill everything. Hopefully, with maturity and respect for the other, both will understand this and feel more fullfilled in their lives. And might have something to share with one another outside of the grocery list, or memos of when the utility bills are due... ;)

We have been married for 45 years. we are both 64. I think we are so disconnected. I have tried a couple ways of talking. May sound stupid but, writing in a notebook to be read by other. Didn't work , I wrote ,he didn't. Now e-mail, he does answer but It feels like he isn't interested. Not sure. We made what I think was a huge mistake awhile back. We went to Denver to for the first time to try "legal pot". I truly thought it might add some spice to what hasn't existed for years. It did for me a little but due to some problems the Viagra didn't fix things went downhill. I have suggested thigs I don't want to mention. We are back at square one.I don't know!

Watching TV together on the couch doesn't cause as much loneliness as a cell phone. My wife starts tapping her cell phone while in bed in the morning, while driving in the car, while "winding down" in the evening.

It seems everything in the social media world is more important than talking to me right here in front of her. This non-stop isolation and exclusion causes loneliness. Finding my own friends, hobbies, groups, meetings...won't help increase the interaction with my wife. But I will be more active with other people so I don't feel lonely. I fear I will be so much more happy I will want to leave her.

relationships need to be genuine and if you cannot be yourself with your spouse & find common ground, then you probably won't have lasting happiness in the relationship. you need to have hobbies,activities,literature or music,some stimulating factor outside yourselves and the daily grind that you enjoy together and practice regularly, and i think that is the point the author was trying to make. if you or your spouse have changed such that you no longer enjoy the activities you used to share, it's time to look inward. what has changed in yourself...your health, your attitude, your goals? what has changed in them? and is there anything that still brings you together apart from financial/societal obligations to one another. that is for you to figure out and work on if you deem it worthy. peace and blessings to all, i know it's a struggle but all is not lost. there is a way to heal tired relationships, even if it means separating and finding yourself again that you could be a better friend outside of the marriage.

its all said and done but to go through it is hard... U marry a person you love you trust and think life is so beautiful and suddenly everything changes.... A baby comes spouse neglects you, finds mistake in everything you do.. Things that you were doing together, topics that you were discussing together, things that you were laughing together, things you fight for.. No more interest your spouse... Whose mistake,? Should you waste time finding this or should you sacrifice because you have a small one who has so much to look forward to? If you think of your life you spoil your baby life.. You spoil your married life... It's just a suffering...

All of these comment, except for the unnecessary negative ones, have been helpful. I have been on disability for depression and anxiety for over 10 yrs. My husband has always been there for me but we hardly speak anymore. We have to go for a car ride to actually have meaningful conversations. We've always done that. It's helpful for us. I realized by reading your comments that my outlook is affecting him which in turn affects me. I am very negative about myself but warm and caring for others. He must be feeling the residual animosity I have for myself. He is probably lonely too. We need to have a talk. Thank you.

Well, I talked to my husband and he says he doesn't feel lonely. I guess I have some thinking to do and work on myself as well. How can I feel so lonely and he be content? This does not make sense to me. Feedback, please. Thank you.

Have you read the five love languages. I find this outlook on love to be very true in my life. Maybe your spouse's needs in the relationship are being filled but yours are different than his and yours aren't. A lot of the times we think that what we want in a relationship is what the other wants, or our happiness with things must translate to theirs. Like this article's advice-- Some partners, like mine, would love their SO to sit with them while they watch a show and chat with them about meaningful things like politics or art. Other people, like me, would think this is nice but feel it doesn't make for a satisfying relationship. It seems cerebral and not physical enough for me. I prefer to hold hands or kiss more often, or just be together, turn off the TV, shut up and make love. Im learning what I like and what he likes and we're trying to work it out. It's amazing to me how one night of nice physical intimacy can take away months of my anger and loneliness. Maybe something could work for you-- gifts from him or chores done by him. Actually getting your husband to do whatever it is, is a different story. But try reading the book. It helped me.

My wife and I have been married 20 years. We have a good strong loving relationship. Whenever we are home - we always have dinner together. At the table. With fine china. Silverware. Wine. No TV (well sometimes - just to mix it up). No phones. No distractions. Just my wife and talking. About everything and everything.

We plan vacations together and enjoy the process and the actual vacation itself. We are active - will be heading north for snow-shoeing and XC skiing week in the wilderness.

I will surprise my wife by buying tickets to a concert or play - and she is real excited when she finds out about the surprise - and is excited to attend - as am I.

But I still feel lonely. The feelings are strong.

I am not an athlete - so organized sports are out of the question.

My only point is - loneliness is complicated. There is no guarantee after doing everything in this article - that your loneliness will disappear. Just saying.

"Take the initiative??" Kind of hard to do when the reason why you are lonely is because you took the initiative and got nothing in return!! So I no longer love my husband. I worked and worked and worked and I am still in the same place I was before. This advice may work for some but definitely not in every circumstance.

I have gone to so many website telling people how to fix their relationship. Pity that everything that is suggested I have already done and this is the exact reason why I am in the mess I am in right now. For this crap to work, you first have to have someone that actually responds to it, otherwise there is no point!