Archive for the ‘Medical Workers’ Category

Impossibly old lady in wheelchair: That's too bad. I don't like to stroll; I like to have a destination. Caregiver lady pushing wheelchair: Where would you like to go, then? Impossibly old lady in wheelchair: Bed!
–Prospect Park

Health services assistant: Can I help you? 20-something male: Yeah, okay. See, so I woke up in a hospital this morning, and I have no idea how I got there, and I can’t find my Columbia ID card and so I can’t get back in the dorm. Health services assistant: Um… 20-something male: My wallet had everything left in it except my ID card. I asked all over the hospital and no one knows where my ID card is. I asked everywhere. Health services manager: Which hospital? St. Vincent’s? 20-something male: Yeah, St. Vincent’s. Health services manager: Do you know who brought you there? 20-something male: No, I have no idea how I got there. Health services manager: Um… So how can I help you? 20-something male: How can I find my ID card? Health services manager: Maybe check with the Lost and Found at the hospital, or go to ID services and see if someone turned it in. 20-something male: Okay. Thanks. Bye.
–Columbia University Urgent Care Clinic

Hispanic male hospital worker: You know what women hate? When men take forever and a day to finish. Let’s say the average woman likes five minutes of sex, but he keeps going and going and thirty minutes later she’s thinking, ‘Hey, let’s watch TV.’ Indian virgin hospital worker: We only like it for five minutes?
–Starbucks, 17th & 1st

Optometrist #1: So, I went to his myspace to find out who his babymomma was, right? And then he calls me and says I have AIDS. Optometrist #2: Wait? AIDS? You mean HIV, right? Optometrist #1: No, AIDS. Optometrist #2: Well, then I get HIV. You can get AIDS, but I want HIV.
–Roosevelt Optometrists

Young man, after unsuccessfully hitting on young woman: Yo, a nurse’s job is to take care of the patients. Young woman: Mmm hmm. Young man: Yo, but I’ma be a nurse practitioner. They do the same thing doctors do. Young woman: Oh? Young man: I could perform heart surgery on you. Not legally. But I could do it.
–4 train, 2:30 AM
Overheard by: Brandon

Pharmacist: You should probably re-sign your card. Woman: Why? Pharmacist: Well, you signed over the magnetic strip. You’re supposed to sign over the white part down here. Woman: Then how would the machine read my signature? That doesn’t make any sense. Pharmacist: No, it’s a magnetic strip. It reads the information, not the signature. Woman: I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. That’s not how the machines work. You’re a pharmacist, not an electrician.
Then the pharmacist gave up.
–Zitomer, 76th & Madison
Overheard by: Helena