Fun family facts about the Royal Wedding

May 18, 2018

The Royal Wedding is here. Are you ready to rumble?

That's a weird question for such a high class affair, but with bride-to-be Meghan Markle's family, a fight could break out at anytime!

Ms. Markle's family has been described by a London tabloid as a "motley collection of individuals who, between them, have a long record of boozing, bustups and bankruptcies". Gee, makes your family sound good, doesn't it? Prince Harry has chosen a royal pain-in-the-ass American clan to join.

Meghan's dad Thomas has medical issues and won't be making the royal bash. Ms. Markle sent an official announcement Thursday. She wrote "Sadly my father will not be attending our wedding". The poor bride will now be walked down the aisle by her soon-to-be father-in-law Prince Charles. He seems like the life of the party, doesn't he?

Want to have a real party? Invite Meghan's nephew Tyler Dooley. The 25-year-old is a marijuana farmer in Oregon, where weed has been legal since 2015. He's cooked up something special, known as "Markle Sparkle". That will add high class flavor to the festivities as the young nephew serves as a special correspondent for "Good Morning Britain" on ITV.

Even though the doping Dooley isn't on the guest list of 600, he has invited the Prince and the incoming Princess to his pot farm. "Prince Harry enjoys a good party. I'd be happy to show them around" says the son of Meghan's half brother.

If you want something a little healthier, the bride's mom Doria Ragland is a "free spirit yoga teacher". I wonder if she will have the invitees do a special double dog on the grounds of Windsor Castle, where the big event will unfold.

Meghan's half sister Samantha would be the life of any party. But she won't be on the grounds, as she did not make the cut, and she is reportedly recovering in Florida after being injured in a car crash. She is reported to have a broken ankle and fractured knee after being involved in a wreck this week involving paparazzi who were following her.

Seriously. You can't make this stuff up.

I hope the crazy camera crew wasn't wielding swords, because they are banned from the weekend festivities.

600 will be at the wedding at St. George's Chapel, but only 200 of them are invited for the after party at Frogmore House on the grounds in Windsor Castle. Elton John and Ed Sheeran are expected to entertain the exclusive guest list there, which is "Perfect" (as Ed would sing) because the bash starts after the Royal Couple enjoys a carriage tour of the grounds via Castle Hill (another Sheeran hit you hear on this station).

The dress is ready , prepared by Ralph and Russo, who I don't think are part of the "motley" Markle family. Prince Harry will don his Royal Marine uniform, which must be much more stately than a tux.

Ready to rumble? Buckle up for the ceremony which will be viewed on every major network promptly at 12 noon London time. That's 7 a.m. for you and me, or 4 a.m on our west coast, or 1 a.m. if you're lucky enough to be reading this in Hawaii. Hopefully the volcano won't get in the way of the royal party on the Big Island there.

Ooooops, don't forget the flowers! The couple has chosen white garden roses, peonies and foxgloves. I'm sure Meghan's nephew Tyler would like to sprinkle some green in with those! They will make for great weapons if a royal brawl breaks out.