What is it with kids these days? In my day, teenagers were all getting pregnant and it was a big crisis, very "punk rock." Nowadays kids are barely having babies at all. Have you kids completely given up?

The birth rate among American teens fell to its lowest recorded level last year...There were 34.3 births per 1,000 people 15 to 19 years old in 2010, a 9% drop from 37.9 births the previous year, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Thursday. The rate has fallen in 17 of the past 19 years.

Hey I'm no scientist but maybe the problem here is teenagers are having less sex? You know??? Don't have to be a genius for this one, kids! Have to say you should have seen this one coming a mile away! Hey, what will our nation's moral and religious leaders complain about now? Hey, the good news is that the nation's fertility rate has now dropped below replacement level—more room for me on the subway, right? Kidding folks, but seriously kids out there, "wrap it up," if you know what I mean. Use a condom, that is—unless you're with me! Kidding, girls. Unless you're over 18! Hey, I have some wine coolers and an old Jodeci CD, want to "come over and watch movies?" Kidding, you're not girls, you're women, and this is a serious issue folks. For teenage boys! It's a crisis! Kidding, it's a positive development. Unless you're an MTV reality show producer! Aye-yi-yi, those teen moms are great TV—take one for the team, ladies! Kidding, that's not a good reason to have a child. It's about love. Of sex! Kidding.