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WHAT’S YOUR RELATIONSHIP DESTINY?

Whether you are married or engaged or single, but preparing, the following thoughts penned by Relationship Coach and Pastoral counselor Don Bailey, can be a helpful challenge to consider:

“Do you believe your destiny is predetermined? Maybe you believe it is put in place by God (See: Jeremiah 29:11). I personally believe God has a perfect plan for us in all aspects of our life, but we have the power to mess up the plan as He allows our free will to be at work. I recently found a writing (author unknown) which I believe makes our part in defining our destiny clear.

“First, THOUGHTS… Do you think positively about your mate or date? Or do you find yourself thinking about their faults more than their strengths? Do you think about your relationship with commitment or as one that is on the brink of shattering with every upset? Proverbs 23:7 KJV says, ‘As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.’ That makes it pretty clear that the destiny of our relationships begins with our thoughts.

“Now, what about the WORDS we speak? Remember, they are defined by our thoughts. We have a choice of what we say and how we say it. Proverbs 15:1-2 NIV says, ‘A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.’ It is clear that our words have a dramatic impact on the actions of our mate or date. Managing our tongue to speak truth with a soft tone produces the best result. Seldom are we forced to use angry words to accomplish our purpose.

“What about your ACTIONS”? So often we’d like to blame them on someone else such as our date or mate or even ‘the devil made me do it.’ Just like with our words and thoughts, our actions are made through our choice. Unfortunately, we may not stop to make a choice, but we react based on our emotions.

“It will be much easier to make a choice about our actions if we are managing our thoughts and words. Psalm 1:1-2 gives us some insight as to how to do this. ‘Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.’

“Well, we’re getting closer to our destiny. Now we need to consider our HABITS. They are defined by our actions and are a matter of conditioning. I believe I’ve heard that repeating an action twenty-one times causes it to become a habit. Some of us may be more resistant to change so it may take 30, or 40, or 50 times. The key is that we are making a choice to change our habits. Why? The reason is because it defines our character.

“What is CHARACTER? Well, it’s who you are. I’ve heard that it is what you do when no one is watching. It’s who we are when all of the masks are removed and our vulnerabilities, as well as our strengths are seen by our mate or date. Hopefully, it is the greatest factor on which they make a decision about whether you are worthy of a relationship with them. And let’s face it; it is defined by our thoughts, words, actions and our habits.

“Well, here we are at our DESTINY in relationships. What we want is to be happy, to be loving, to be committed, to be caring, to be empathetic, and to be emotionally healthy. The list goes on and on as we consider who we want to be to our self and others. We are forced to make choices which lead to a destiny in our relationships and the quality of our life.

“So, we reach the end; our destiny. It’s based on our choices and we are responsible for it. We can’t blame anyone else. But, now, we must go back to the beginning and start out again as life is constantly changing and we are presented with new choices. What a challenge it is! But now we know how we got to where we are and how to get to a better place in our future.”

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

It is our prayer that you will consider the message that Don Bailey gave us and choose this day and for the rest of your lives to live by the values and guidelines God has given us throughout the Bible. And that you will live out the words Joshua proclaimed to those around him:

“Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness… Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (from Joshua 24:14-15).

Like this:

Am a single woman, and I can’t claim to know much about this, but I know about worship. Since it is described as an act of worship, of which I believe it is, I will say I know the basics about sex. So let me share with you some of the things that I think will affect your sex life.

What you listen to and believe,
Many people will tell you a lot about sex even when you were just a kid you can say that you had about it. But if you happen to believe them then, they will definitely affect you, especially if you don’t have what people told you as requirements. “The so called enhancements… ” Just like the devil keeps on telling you “Do you think God can forgive you?”, “After all that? No my friend, no my friend….” When you are worshiping God, You are likely to remember all people told you about sex, and how you don’t have what it takes… and so on. I believe you will feel abused than enjoy anything.

Procedures
Some people tend to be like chemists, they like procedures. They are lots of books and videos about sex, (sold on every street vender’s “mudala” around town). If you copy and paste then you’re not likely to feel what you should feel. Have you ever looked at someone trying to worship like the pastor? Worship is just between you and God … actually the time we have done it best is when we don’t know how we did it; in spirit not with the mind. So what am I saying, copy and paste won’t lead you to what it’s should be, you we need to do is to listen to ourselves (body, soul, and spirit … the mind makes a decision and you communicate).

Practice or internship
“We need experience!” many people say. Have you realized we worship differently yet to the same God? So how do you think your 5yr of experience with x, and y will help you when you marry z? I know many don’t like being promoted after internship… And what if you get more than you want? Like a Junior, if not twins, or you end up calling your spouse; y, or x. Will you be able to explain that?

Demo versions
Of late many run to download a demo, or I should say they upload themselves for demos… have you heard of a friend saying “we need to stay to know how well we get along with each other!” Many assume after a trial, someone will buy a full version but what if they want to uninstall? Can you live with that pain in your heart? If I remember well, “God asks us not to let our hearts be trampled on…” and I will leave that at that.

We feel we should,
If you have never said, or heard someone say “I wish I was dead!” then you would not understand that not all things we wish for are good for us. The desire is normal and the feeling is so strong. But you don’t have to give in… However I think the biggest problem with us, we invoke the feeling, and when everything is too hot to cool down… we start asking God not to let us into trouble, Well someone else (devil) is always there asking you not to spoil the moment. Trust me fighting against yourself is the hardest war you can ever win… and losing will definitely haunt you.

I need to prove that I love him
Let me ask, “is that how he proved that he loves you?” Am sure not… but you love him anyway! “So how come you have to prove yourself to him in such a way?” Ok may be am being so insensitive, “How did you feel when he said it?” Did you feel he loves you more than yesterday? Did you feel you are about to loose him and you can’t imagine your life without him? Did you feel betrayed, lied to, or stupid to believe he loved you? Or you’re simply wondering how many times he has said that to other women? I can’t tell you what to do and you do it… but you don’t need to prove your love like that? Just run for your safety, you’re trading with a kiwani (duplicate of Mr. Right).

Failure Surrender,
To worship God in spirit as it should be, you have to surrender everything unto him, so I believe this too applies to sex as well. You can’t enjoy it when you have unfinished businesses between each other… or if you keep on holding on to the past experiences and so on.

You know many people can talk, talk and talk… and yet we go a head and do the wrong thing. But it’s so much better to avoid trouble than handling it, or nursing the wounds when the storm is gone. That is never a pleasure!

By Beneth,
21/08/2009

Background: After bible study, listening to the marrieds and singles, talk about relationships, sex. i came to realize most of the books I have read about the relationships. They talk about sex as an act of worship. As I was sat in the taxi on my way to work the next morning… these words came to my mind and I just wrote them down, now I share with you.