Random this one. I think with your chapters you need to actually have certain events happening in each one and you need to use paragraphs. A few typos as well. . . And try to avoid using shorter sentences and maybe more adjectives. Hope that helps - Li

No offence but there are still lots of mistakes in here mate. I'd suggest getting a friend or family member who's good with grammar to help you out. I would but I have way too many things going on right now. And if you're looking for some HP crossovers to read, i have a few in my little archive. Thanks for the read, can't wait for more, this could be mega intriguing - Li

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