content advisor, recognized journalist, bodacious writer-for-hire

When used properly, I think iPhones are nifty devices. Like all Apple hardware, including my two Macs, they have an impressive interface. Still, iPhones are probably the most overstated status device of the decade. Case in point: Apple’s latest “Did you get my email?” commercial (shown), which attempts to embellish and sell three bad behaviors “without ever leaving a call.” Let me tear ’em down for you, may I?

iPhones encourage email chasers. Caller asks, “Did you get my email?” Dude, first of all, stop calling me asking if I got your email. Like everyone else in the world, I check my email often and will respond to you shortly. If it was an urgent message, you should have just called, instead of chasing your email with a call. In any case, if the email demands a response, I’m happy to reply to it once I get off the phone. M’kay?

iPhones make you less productive. Caller asks, “Hey, can you change that reservation? Would be happy to… once I’m off the phone! Just give me a deadline when it needs to be done and I’ll do it. But I’d rather not have you “look over my shoulder” when dealing with a task that should have been prioritized and completed with the phone disconnected. If it’s an emergency, can it wait a few seconds until I get off the phone!?

iPhones make you a worse husband than you already are. Wife says, “I can’t believe our anniversary is a week away.” In response, you fiddle with your dumb phone trying to order flowers while she’s on the line, and offer an insincere “Me neither,” instead of engaging in a discussion with her, which is probably what she was hoping to do with that opening statement. In a stretch, Apple is trying to say that owning an iPhone will make you a better husband, when in actuality, it will further perpetuate the age-old, “Are you listening to me?”

Classic. This commercial is a direct attack on the Motorola Droid. I had no idea Steve Jobs was so scared of robots. I can’t think of a time when I’ve been on my mobile phone and have wished that I could simultaneously be shopping online or reading email. They’re just trying to expose a “flaw” in the way Verizon runs its devices. Dumb.