“Beyond the Pale” and “Terrorists & Heroes”

It’s a wonder to me that there are still people who can listen to liberals and believe a word they say. Whether it’s Obama’s promising that we could keep our doctors and our health plans, Harry Reid’s calling cancer victims liars for daring to disclose the hardships wrought by the Affordable Care Act or Elizabeth Warren claiming to be a Cherokee in order to get herself hired at diversity-crazy Harvard, there are millions of chuckleheads who will happily swallow the swill and insist it tastes just like chicken.

Now we have Hillary Clinton pulling out the crying towel, insisting to Diane Sawyer that she and Bill were not only dead broke when they left the White House, but deeply in debt because of legal fees. I have no idea why she wanted to mention the legal fees inasmuch as they’re a reminder that he needed to hire lawyers because he had perjured himself before a grand jury, which also happened to be the reason he was ultimately disbarred.

I still recall the way that George W. Bush was mocked by Democrats when it was falsely reported that he was unfamiliar with the bar codes at a supermarket. But when Hillary, while explaining her alleged financial woes, says, “You know how it is when you have to piece together mortgages for houses,” the same folks not only manage to keep their mockery in check, but offer her their sympathy.

I mean, perhaps Diane Sawyer and hubby Mike Nichols know what it’s like to buy multiple homes, but it’s not a common dilemma for most of us peons. But, then, neither are $10 million book deals or $250,000-a-crack speaking fees.

Speaking of people suffering from the agony associated with having a tin ear, Obama dismisses critics of the Bergdahl swap by patting himself on the back for liberating five terrorist leaders in exchange for one Army deserter. He does that in spite of the fact that 75% of those polled opposed the trade after the fact, and even such political allies as Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D, CA) and Obama’s former Secretary of Defense, Leon Panetta, opposed the deal prior to the trade!

You keep hearing that Obama is playing to his base whether it’s in reference to postponing construction of the Keystone pipeline, expanding the reach of the EPA or wiping his butt with the Constitution. My question is whether or not the actual base includes anyone besides the less than magnificent seven: Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden, Dick Durbin, Vladimir Putin, the Ayatollah Khomeini and George Soros.

Regarding the treacherous swap, some people, specifically John Kerry, are choosing to play down the fact that Bowe Bergdahl deserted by pointing out that the Taliban tortured him and that he tried to escape. I believe the simple and obvious explanation is that when he abandoned his platoon because, as he put it in an email to his Allah-blessing father — otherwise known as Abu ben Bergdahl to some of us — he hated America and especially the U.S. military, and that therefore young Bergdahl assumed the Taliban would welcome him as the Prodigal Son. When, instead, they treated him the way they generally treat infidels, though short of hacking off his head, it came as a rude wake-up call to the traitorous punk.

Some people used to refer to Barack Obama as the Manchurian Candidate. They were referencing Raymond Shaw, a character created by novelist Richard Condon. In a nefarious plot, Shaw was passed off as a war hero, but was in reality a dupe who had been psychologically programmed to kill in order that foreign and domestic villains might achieve a political end. I think that Bowe Bergdahl, after spending much of his five years in captivity cavorting with the enemy, playing soccer and engaging in target practice, might better fit that description, unless the Army wisely decides to provide him with a one-way ticket to Leavenworth. Short of that, I think we can expect that one day Mr. Bergdahl will be running for the Senate in Idaho.

Not only does Obama trade away five Muslim terrorists in exchange for one deserter, but at the same time he lets a Marine stew in a Mexican jail and rolls out the red carpet for thousands of Honduran and Guatemalan children, who first had to pass through Mexico to reach and then cross our border. I’m just asking, but isn’t it high time we declared Mexico a rogue state and cut off tourism and diplomatic relations, as we did with Cuba?

Finally, Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, got into trouble with feminists when she took the occasion of the Miss Universe pageant to say that women need to learn how to defend themselves from sexual assault. It seems the women of NOW were upset because they wanted her to set men straight by telling them that rape is wrong.

On behalf of the male gender, I’d like the ladies to understand we already know it’s wrong. We also know without being told by the likes of Gloria Steinem that killing, stealing and cheating at cards, is also wrong.

Nevertheless, a woman like Ms. Sanchez, who is a fourth degree black belt, has the right idea. When confronted by a rapist, a karate jab to the Adam’s apple or a kick to the groin is a far greater deterrent than a sermon.

Might I suggest to the feminists that their time would be better spent if they stopped picking on people like the admirable Nia Sanchez, who is not only smarter than they are, but looks a heck of a lot better in a bathing suit.

Instead, they should be advising Muslim women to start packing revolvers under those stupid burkas so that they could defend themselves from perverted fathers and brothers whose Koran assures them that Allah smiles on those who prove themselves honorable by stoning to death any wife or daughter who raises the slightest objection to residing in eighth century pig sties.

TERRORISTS AND HEROES

Somebody will one day have to explain to me why we or the Israelis ever imprison terrorists. If we’re not going to execute them, why capture them at all? Why bother feeding and clothing them until the day comes that the bad guys capture one of ours in order to trade him in for five, 500 or a thousand of theirs? In the case of Israel, they’ve even been known to swap hundreds of jihadists in exchange for a single corpse.

I understand that by simply executing the bad guys, some would argue that we would be fueling their recruitment programs. But we hear that about everything from keeping Gitmo open to airing “Dancing with the Stars.” If we merely order a BLT, we’re told that ten thousand more pinheads have signed up to murder us for disrespecting their dietary laws. For a change, let’s just see if we can kill them faster than they can recruit replacements. I mean, we all know that the human race will never be able to exterminate every last rodent and cockroach, but that’s no reason to stop trying.

While addressing a group of homosexuals, Eric Holder recently attacked the Boy Scouts because they refuse to have openly gay Scout leaders. My question is why is the Attorney General pandering to homosexuals? With all the scandals brewing in Washington, why is he even giving speeches? If he has so much time on his hands, wouldn’t it be better spent trying to hunt up those two years of email messages between Lois Lerner and the White House that the IRS insists have gone missing?

Besides, last year the Scouts were sued and lost a $16 million lawsuit because a Scout master molested one of his charges on a camping trip. I know that gays hate to be lumped with pedophiles, but the sad truth is that while all gays don’t go around molesting young boys, those perverts who do just happen to be homosexual. So unless America’s homosexuals or its attorney general stand ready to indemnify the Boy Scouts against such lawsuits, it’s time they just shut up. If they want to start the Gay Scouts of America, nobody’s stopping them.

Americans often tend to be very naïve. It’s not the worst thing to be, but it can denote a severe degree of stupidity. For instance, whenever some nut pops his cork and shoots up a movie theater or a classroom, his friends, neighbors and relatives, can nearly always be counted on to remark, “Gee, he seemed so quiet and polite,” as if a sure sign of insanity is being noisy and obnoxious.

Naiveté can also be fatal at a time of war. And unless you’ve been living in a cave since before 1978 when the Islamic creeps in Iran took Americans hostage; before our embassies and Marine barracks were attacked; before an airliner was blown up over Scotland; before the Twin Towers were brought down; before Major Hasan killed or maimed over 40 people at Fort Hood; and before the Tsarnaev brothers massacred Boston marathoners; a war has definitely been underway. And saying that you know some perfectly nice Islamic shopkeepers and taxi drivers changes nothing. I’m sure there were some perfectly nice Germans who didn’t care for Hitler, but they still went along for the ride.

When you realize how few Muslims even here in America are willing to speak out against the scum who holler “Allah Akbar” while burning churches, stoning women to death for being Christians or hacking off the heads of so-called infidels, you’ll pardon me if I don’t regard all those soft-spoken shopkeepers and taxi drivers as salt of the earth. For my part, I don’t trust them any further than I can toss the 9/11 Memorial.

Fortunately, there are still heroes among us. A few of them were the former members of Bowe Bergdahl’s Army platoon. In spite of being called liars and even psychopaths by those Obama acolytes who are trying to put lipstick on the swap of five jihadists for one deserter and calling it a sweetheart of a deal, the ex-GIs have stuck to their guns in demanding that Bergdahl be court martialed.

A less likely hero is Donald Sterling. Instead of rolling over and taking whatever the politically correct hypocrites felt like dishing out, rumor has it that he’s hired private investigators to dig up dirt on ex-NBA Commissioner David Stern, current Commissioner Adam Silver and the 29 other team owners.

I, for one, am delighted that Sterling wasn’t wasting his time at all those basketball games, and finally came to realize that the best defense is a good offense.

And if I know anything about professional sports, those investigators are likely to dig up enough dirt on those 31shmucks to fill in the Grand Canyon.

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About Burt Prelutsky

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated.
For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile.
Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either.
He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/