Life is good. Well, let's just say my life is way better than yours. Just this week, I have slept with six different beautiful women. I have been in three different dope cities and dined at some of America's best restaurants, most of it comped. I had a money-counting session with some koi fish Japanese guys I know -- let's just say it required a money counter. And I have done it all while puffing on cigarettes and being swathed in custom made Italian fabrics. By the way, how was your week? But it always wasn't like this. There are many moves and lessons I have picked up along the way, many during childhood. Here are some of them:

Get a Good Running Partner

Back in elementary school, first grade, I met one of my best friends, who became very instrumental in my becoming an International Playboy. The first day of school, we had a new kid come to class; let's call him "Jason." So, anyway, when the teacher was trying to go over our lessons, Jason starts picking up cockroaches and throwing them at all the little girls in our class. You can imagine that the shrieking from the girls was deafening. Personally, I was laughing my head off. He was soon sent out of class to sit in the hall. I noticed that the girls actually kind of liked him. I was too young to care, but I did etch it in my young skull that maybe being a "nice guy" wasn't the best way to get girls. Later, during recess, I saw Jason playing on the monkey bars, and I could see he had mad skills. Back flips off the monkey bars and such. I approached him. I think I said something like, "I know you're new here and don't have any friends. I really love your material. That whole cockroach thing was genius. You and I need to team up. I think we can do well together." He agreed. He became my first "running partner." See, I was a great idea man, and I needed someone with heart to help carry out my schemes. Jason was it. We pulled off a lot of great heists together, and later in life, Jason's climbing ability, utter disrespect for authority, and fearlessness made him a great second-story man.

Style and Smoking

When I was in, I think, third grade, my family and I went on a trip to Northern Ireland. I remember my dad took me to meet some of my relatives -- IRA, all of them. My uncle, who dressed in the Irish IRA height of fashion for those days -- black leather jacket, black slacks, and Irish flat cap -- was sitting on the back of a truck. Then I saw him take a "strike-anywhere" match, strike it on the bumper of the truck, and light his cigarette. I was awestruck. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen done in my young life (probably even cooler than Jason's cockroach thing). Puro cool. Uncut raw like the Toro at Nobu London. I also noticed that two fly girls, Irish Lasses -- one redhead with freckles, the other brunette -- looked over at him and giggled. He subtly ignored them. There were so many things I learned that day. Not the least was that I realized I liked girls with freckles. Most importantly, I learned how to have true style, and that if you want true style, you are going to have to smoke. No way around it.

Cash and Making It

When I hit the fourth grade, I wanted to start making some dough like a bakery. I remember at the time that Bubble Yum and Bubblicious were in a marketing war. All the kids wanted the stuff. There was high demand. I decided I was going to be the supply. My crew and I would skip school or go after school to our local deli and buy packs of gum (five pieces per pack). We would find returnable Coke bottles to help finance our operation. Let's say the gum cost 25 cents per pack. We would then sell the gum for 10 cents apiece. We were doubling our money and soon had a bankroll. We used Billy (the bully) for protection and collections. We also learned not to "get high on our own supply" and chew up all our profits. My friend Jason had the idea that if we stole the gum we would be making all profit. This worked great until we got caught. We learned never to screw over our supplier. I also learned that it's good business to buy something in bulk and to sell off the pieces. Most importantly, I learned that if you had something "illegal" and had cash, girls were drawn to you. In my case, it was a girl named "Claudia," the daughter of an Argentinean diplomat. She was beautiful, rich, classy, and crazy fly -- Claudia had great style. And she was down with me. If I think about it, my life with women has really gone all downhill from that point. Of course, I didn't swoop her -- I had no game nor interest in girls at that age. But I did notice that showing no interest made Claudia want me more. I did make a mental note of all this, but I will admit, I blew it. C'est la vie.