Author: Admin

How to have the confidence to talk to people and make them continue the conversation
The number one fear that prevents people approaching another human being and have a nice conversation is not the fear of approach.It is the fear of running out of things to say in the middle of conversation.I have planned to give two examples of how a shy guy will approach the conversation with a random girl and then how a Confident Guy takes the conversation to the next level with confidence.

The following is the conversation between a girl and a not so confident shy man.

Confident Conversation examples

Shy guy:Nice bike.I am planning to buy this same brand for my sister.How comfortable is it to ride?
Girl:It’s fine.
Shy guy:Okay.(Thinking in mind ‘She is not talking to me’ and already exiting the conversation)

<Note:Now most shy guys stall at this point and are stuck thinking what to say next.They think the girl is uninterested and wants you to go away.
Most of the time it may not be the truth but it is just the way you read the situation.You have to consider the body language of the other person in this kind of situations.When you approach a person look if they just turn only their upper body towards you or their whole body towards you.In other words notice where their foot is pointing.If it is pointing towards you that means they are interested and okay with having the conversation with you.You can continue the conversation as long as they keep their foot pointing at the general direction you are standing.If they are responding to you by just turning their torso or upper body towards you and their foot’s big thumb is pointing some where else that mean’s they are ready to move and in that case it is best for you to let them go.>

Some of the Confident guys will still continue the conversation like below…
Confident guy:Nice bike.I am planning to buy this same brand for my sister.How comfortable is it to ride?
Girl:It’s good.
(Confident guy notices her body language.It doesn’t seem that she is ready to move away.Time to throw the next punch)
Confident guy:How long you waited after booking the bike.I heard for this model there is a 1 month wait time.
Girl:I got no idea.
<Note: Shy guys would have went home locked their door and cried at this point thinking that the girl is ignoring.But Confident guys are curious. They ask a simple question…because the only feeling they have at this time is CURIOSITY>
Confident guy: WHY?
<Note:Now she has to open up.A ‘why’ question requires a detailed answer and cannot be answered in single words.The more you get people to talk with you the more comfortable they will feel in talking with you>

Girl:Oh!I got no idea because this is my friend’s bike.I came to buy stuff for her birthday party.
Confident guy: So you must be in a party mood tonight.
<Note:Note how the smooth talker tries to change the Topic from Bike to Party mood.Shy people would have kept on talking
about the Bike for a long time and the Girl would have got bored and said sayonora already>
She: <Silence>
Confident Man: And your friend should be having a nice taste of things. She’s got the best looking bikes and friends.
<Note:Complement them.Don’t complement them openly.Complement them indirectly.This is a whole art in itself but the above complement should give you some ideas)
She: Still silent but this time smiles and blushes a bit.
Confident Man:Have you finished shopping for the party?Because i can suggest some things to buy that is a must for the party…
Girl: Hmmm.I can use some help.I have never organised a party…
<Note:And the conversation goes on and on until it ends after they turn off the lights and go to sleep.Ok that may be a little bit exaggerated but it will go on until the Confident Guy parts with her number)

Take aways from the above conversation:
1.Don’t just listen to what they say and base your decision on it.Be Aware of how they say it.Read their body language.Time your
response based on it.
2.Don’t just give up and end the conversation at the first instance of resistance.
If you are given a hand gun and asked to shoot a
bottle at a distance and your life depended on shooting it…will you quit the first time as soon as your bullet miss the target?
You have five more bullets and you will not quit till you empty all the five bullets…Right?
Then why are you holding back your bullets in a conversation?
3.Always be Curious.Confidents are Curious.You can be as good at Confidents by just being genuinely curious to know more about the other
person.
4.Always give a complement.And the complement should be indirect and discreet,at least in the beginning.
5.If the other person is a girl and you are interested in her move to Flirting as early as it is practically possible in the conversation.
6.Change the conversation topic regularly.Notice how the confident guy Started talking about bikes…then about party…then about shopping for
party etc…Otherwise the conversation will become boring.

People ruminate negative incidents again and again in their Mind,and it is definitely harmful for the mind and body in more than one ways.The trick is knowing how to stop ruminating …I recommend a simple NLP pattern to people who write to me asking for ways to stop their negative thoughts right in their track .You too can do that with a simple NLP trick based on sub modalities that i learned from Richard bandler(from a old video seminar)
Let’s say someone stepped on a banana peel and fell down and felt embarrassed when people who were watching laughed.Normally what people will do is to replay this scene again and again and start feeling more and more embarrassed.The ideal thing to do is to forget that this scene ever happened.What if there is a way to cut this scene entirely from our memory?Truth is…There is a way to do this exactly.Just that it is buried deep in the fluff and other psychological theories.
Okay…Let me cut the fluff and tell what to do…the Practical part.
Sit in a comfortable position and think about the negative incident that happened to you.Let it play like a movie in your mind.When your movie ends….start playing it backwards….ie Form the point where the movie ends start playing it to the point it started.
Then Start playing the Movie again in reverse and in the middle make the movie play in black and white….then let grains appear in that mental movie….then shrink the whole movie in to the center.

Can a person be with social anxiety but still a extrovert? The Answer is Yes.If you don’t understand how someone can be a extrovert and still be with low social confidence that means you are yet to understand what being a extrovert is all about.In this Post we will address how to overcome social anxiety if you are a extrovert by looking at a case study of James.

James wrote to me…

I am always the nice guy, attractive, sweet and always get the bad end of the stick. It is always hard when I really do like somebody and I can’t seem to get them to come around. It is very seldom. I am not shy but it’s just being embarrassed if I ever opened up my mouth.Who is ready to learn this is me. I think this will help me step it up entirely…. You still offering solution?

I wrote back to him asking more information like whether he is a introvert or extrovert and he wrote me back this…

Extrovert.. I get that i have so much energy…some people don’t know how to take me. I am afraid sometimes to make the first move when I like somebody. I have no problem showing it but I like for people to come on to me. That may sound strange but i get scared when it is somebody that i really really like. especially in the business that i am going into. A big industry.

The following is the Advice i wrote to him…

Firstly,I congratulate you for Providing all the details i needed to know about you and with this information i am very much confident that i can help you change you entirely to a People magnet.
People may be good looking, sweet and attractive but they are not always liked by everyone.The Good news for Extroverts is that it is much more easier for you to become a likable guy.
Look at the below points and learn and think about it deeply when you are alone….

1.If you have so much energy and you approach people they may notice your energy in your non verbal and verbal communication.
Having high enery will seem to be a good thing,Right?
NO.Not Always.Not to all people.

Picture this.You about to go to sleep (or you are Tired).Someone flashes a Flood light at your eyes(or Turns on a Loud Music)
Will you like the light/Music? The light is so bright… Right?The Music is done by the best singer….Right? But i bet you will hate the Person who Turned on the Light/Music.

Now this is the same thing that is Happening to the People you Approach with your High energy levels.They don’t have that much of a High energy level and when you Approach them with your energy level…They may think at a consious or subconcious level that ‘This guy is something.He seems different.Is he real’.And people don’t like people who are different from them.People really really LIKE people who are similar to them

So one of the Solution around this problem is….
WHEN YOU APPROACH SOMEONE MATCH YOUR ENERGY LEVEL with their own energy level.
Observe the Pace at which they Talk…
Listen to how loud to talk….
Observe how energetic they are…

Then Match their Energy level when you talk back to them.Talk at the same pace they talked to you.If they talk fast then you talk fast.If they talk
each word slowly then reduce your speed as much as possible.Talk at the same volume they talk.If they are loud then talk loud.If they are not….you get the idea right? This will make them Like you.It will help you to get the initial Rapport with them.Once you have the Rapport you can be the energetic self you are later.And they will like you.If you can grasp and put what i just said above in practice in real life….You may see how ‘magically’ ‘suddenly’ people are attracted to you.

I have plenty of things to say…But don’t want to you to feel the information overload.Read the PDF that i have sent you.It is a little bit more advanced but i know you will really like it.

I would be glad to help you to change to the Guy you want to be.Just don’t hesitate to contact me anytime.

When i was a kid and even till my late teenage i had slightly protruding front Teeth.It is Probably one of the things that made me a self conscious and introvert when i grew up. I put braces for my teeth and later in my early twenties removed them and till now i have a good looking smile and healthy teeth .Even today when i tell people that i wore braces when i was a teen people will never believe it to be true.Point is…I know how much having a good oral hygiene is important to a child’s development of a positive self image particularly while they are young and growing up.

My son was having cavities and other teeth related issues ever since he started to have his first set of teeth.He is 7 now but we remember visiting the Pediatric dentists ever since he was three.In fact even now i remember his first visit to the Pediatric dentist.The dentist asked him to sit in the chair and open his mouth and my son obliged him happily.The doctor said ‘Your son is the first child who has not cried while sitting in the dental chair in my enter professional life’.But he was mad at us for feeding him in his sleep at night which supposedly caused his problems.Also we were told to visit when he is at least six years old because that is the time when his second set of teeth will start growing and that is the best time for treatment as per my doctor.So we started seeing the dentist again last year and this time my son started to get scared and started crying when the light in the dentist chair was turned on and the doctor started examining his teeth.The dentist recommended us to pay a visit every fortnight for checkup and fillings of cavities.I don’t know what happened by my son will start crying all the way from home to the dentist’s office and back to home again.I don’t know how many of you can empathize with me but as a father it was deeply disturbing to see him cry making weird noises while the dentist is forcefully examining and filling his cavities.That’s when i thought about influencing him in positive ways to co-operate with the dentist by talking to him and by convincing him totally.So the actual post starts here…It’s all about what techniques i used on him and what i said to him and how each dentist session goes….Though he has overcome his fear of the dentist to a large extent we are still seeing the dentist regularly and the complex procedures like Root canal(I know it is not complex these days but it might be complex enough for a 7 year old) are yet to be done and there is no way i can predict he will remain calm till the end of his treatment.

So i will list out some of the things i did to help my child overcome his fear of the Pediatric Dentist.

1.Understanding his Fears from his Point of View:-

Most parents wonder why the child is not co operating with the dentist and they try aggressive parenting techniques like Intimidating the kids.I am not saying that mild intimidation for the greater good of the child is a bad thing,to be honest,I had done the same thing and i would still do if it had worked.Obviously scaring kids about the consequences of not Cooperating didn’t quite work out and so i tried to dig in to the root of the problem to find other available solution.I put myself in to the shoes of my son and tried to find out(by visualizing) what is scary about sitting in that dentist chair .It may be the flash light that they flash inside the mouth or it may be the tube they put inside the mouth to such out excess water or saliva or it may be the sound of the drill they use for cleaning the teeth.I called my son who was playing for a talk.He was in a good happy state of mind and after some fluff talk i started telling him stuff like….”You know the reason why they keep the light….The light is just to help the dentist to see inside your mouth…Do you know why they put the tube inside your mouth?It is just to suck the spit out of out mouth….why they use the drill?It is just to clean the teeth and make it white and healthy….” At this point he interrupted me and told….”But the tube they put inside my mouth hurts the sides of my cheeks”.

Wow! That’s valuable information for me.This is exactly the kind of feedback i needed.I now have the exact problem and i am clear about the outcome i need to have in my mind when i communicate and persuade my son.I have to make him feel comfortable about having that tube in his mouth.Now i don’t have to talk about the lights or the drill sound or thousand other things that were supposed to make him scared.(Now your child can have a different thing that scares him that is entirely different than my son’s but the context of your conversation is going to be the same like mine…Only the content is different.)

So the minutes of the first step are a.Think from the child’s point of view and frame a conversation so that you get some feedback so that you can single out the first thing that causes him to fear the visit to the dentist.

2. Repetition is the key:Now start telling your child stories which involve the problem at hand but in a positive way.I tell my son that i saw a girl the other day in the dentist’s office and how she cooperated fully well….she was not afraid when the doctor inserted the tube to such excess saliva out. When everything was done she looked very pretty with the cutest of the smiles …etc..I sometimes tell him how he was brave when he was a kid at the dentist’s chair and the compliments he received.The key is repeat these small anecdotes and stories many times.Repetition ensures that your child has the positive seeds planted firmly in their minds and rest assured that their courage is going to sprout out the next time they are in the dentists office.

Softeners are excellent linguistic tools to soften the tone of the message that we are about to say,particularly when we are about to say something that is not what the listener is hoping to hear.They are useful to avoid offending other peoples belief system, to convey politeness when we speak,or to qualify your speech.In this post we will look at various diplomatic words and phrases that are good examples of softeners that can be used in our conversations in our day to day lives.Finally we will finish it off by exposing how something as soft as softeners can be used as a offensive conversation tool by NLP experts.

Let’s first start from the basic and simple examples of softeners.One of the softener phrases most people use is ‘Frankly…’ and ‘I am afraid…’

Let’s say are sitting in a Park bench and the person sitting next to you has just gone to buy something entrusting you to look after his place till he returns.Here comes a stranger and asks politely ‘Excuse me,is this seat taken?’.You can just reply ‘It is already taken’ but being a nice person you may like to say ‘I am afraid to say that the seat is already taken’. Here the phrase ‘I am afraid’ acts as a softener to convey the bad news that there is no seat available.Let’s see some more examples of softeners that can be used in our ‘Park bench’ scenario.

Unfortunately,this seat has already been taken.

To be honest,the seat is already taken.

Well,it is already taken by the gentleman over there.

Actually,it is already taken.

You may notice that most of the time softener phrases are at the beginning of the sentence,though it is not a rule.One of the things we are doing is Priming or warning them that they are going to hear something that they may not be comfortable hearing.Personally i use softener not just as a diplomatic tool to appear polite but also to buy some time to what to say next-Fillers.For example if the stranger that comes to you and says ‘Excuse me,is this seat taken?’ is a hot young girl of your dreams instead of blurting out ‘It is already taken’….You might say ‘Actually…’ then take some time and reassess the situation and say ‘He went somewhere and hasn’t returned in a while….So,sure you can sit, at least till he returns’ (To be honest,i needed this example to illustrate how to use softeners as a time buying tool.If you don’t like it i strongly encourage you to come up with your own better example)

NLP practitioners use softener phrases before delivering their highly persuasive language patterns.What Softeners do here is…They make the listener primed(get ready) for something the NLP guy or girl is about to tell.Picture that you are sitting in that park bench and the NLP guy will come along and say “Do you mind if I tell you something…” and you will get ready and Focus all your attention on what he is about to say next and he will say something like “…your pants are unzipped.You may have forgot to Zip it.”