My Truth , I have been assaulted 3 times….

I like so many never saw certain situations as sexual assault or abuse. We like so many men, even as women see “rape” , sexual assault as having to be a violent act or heavy on the abuse side.

It doesn’t have to be that way. As I was drinking champagne and enjoying New Years Eve w my significant other of the last 9 years I somehow while watching the neighbors fireworks remembered all the things men had done to me in my life. Not just in sex work but in my woman hood period.

I grew up with a great household. Grandparents loved me,( they were married 45 yrs before one died) I was NOT an abused child at all. If anything I was treated like a diamond , like a princess. I was very loved, very fortunate.

I looking back now understand that sexual assault isn’t just getting beaten, bruised or worse. It is anytime a man , or woman does something without your consent that makes you feel uncomfortable.

When I was about 20 my cousins, aunts husband said he’d pay me to help clean the pool. I remember that day, that’s the one I never forgot. While we were cleaning the pool he said he could teach me to swim. He had me lay across his arms but he then inserted his fingers into my vagina and told me to tighten myself up around it , that it was a way to learn to float. I remember thinking it was so wrong, I remember being tough and not acting like he had spooked me. I remember thinking that if I told my aunt, since I had already had a baby at 18 that they would just assume it was on me. They had been married for YEARS so I never till this day have told her. I realize that was the first time I was sexually assaulted.

The second time. I met a guy of Black Planet when I was 31. I invited him over. Me and my female lover of my life back then lived together. I had too much Kahlua to drink and went upstairs to lay down in my room. I was upstairs alone. My kids were asleep in their rooms. This man came into my room, I remember now telling him to stop but at the same time.. it was Baltimore everyone had guns I remember wanting to just make sure he didn’t do anything crazy so I didn’t fight it. He had sex with me even though I was clearly incapacitated and out of it. I put him out of the house afterwards. For almost a month he messaged me, called me, emailed me thinking we were now in some type of relationship. I told him I would never be in a relationship w someone who forced himself on me or couldn’t wait till I was sober enough to participate myself.. This was the second time.

The 3rd and to date final assault was in Raleigh NC. I met a client off Craigslist Erotic Services in 2007. He seemed nice enough. But now looking back at it he hated women, I remember how he talked quite abusively about his wife he was in the middle of divorce and custody dispute with. He hated her , I remember asking him how could he talk about his childrens mom that way, In fact my questioning his behavior may have been what made him then assault me. We shared lots of white wine together , had pizza at his place. He had driven me to his home, upscale, because I couldn’t host due to my family. After a few glasses of wine we moved on to the intimate portion of our date. I am a doggy girl so I turned away on my knees. There was NO AGREEMENT for greek. I said no, I cried, I pushed.. I said no again and again. He told me to shut up , told me “I didn’t choose your job, you did, be a big girl” after a few painful thrusts by force, He stopped said ” I was ruining it for him, it wasn’t fun” and he was going to drive me home. I remember in the car being zoned out just staring out of the window. I was furious. I imagined killing him and hiding the car. Then I remembered I had to get home to my kids. He kept talking to me, telling me I was a nice girl, he thought we’d been having fun. It was just more abuse but mental on the way home. I would have murdered him, I know it , if I hadn’t of put my kids first in my head. That animal then got on CL and tried to abuse me more by leaving a bad review publically on the escort section. Needless to say this is when I first decided to not take shit from anymore men. I REVIEWED him back giving full detail of what really happened.

I wish now that I had of turned all three of them in. That is why now I teach other ladies to report. Because If they do it to you , they will do it and maybe worse to someone else. I was wrong. I should have reported them all. Remember ladies you may get a misdemeanor, he will get a felony. Do not let people get away with abusing you. No matter what your profession is. YOU just like me, deserve better. No one has the right to abuse you .. ever!

I wanted to start 2018 with something that may empower others. I hope this blog does that.

Don’t be a victim, That gives your rapist or assailant power. Be a warrior and take your life, your courage back.