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Monday, March 4, 2013

Day 4: High School (30 Days of Days)

If I had to classify it short and sweet, I would deem--9th grade: sucky; 10th-12th: for the most part pretty cool with a snag here and there...

Moving on....

You see, there is a stigma
that some children who are born from teenage mothers turn out to be mothers
themselves. They don’t end up going to
college. They end up dropping out before
completing high school or they complete high school late. All of these factors.

Plus, my mom didn't have
the best reputation. She was deemed as
being a bit too carefree with things that should be sacred. (You can read between the lines.)

I spent my entire
childhood fighting against statistics—the preconceived notions as to what type
of person I would become. I believe it
sapped away a lot of my childhood; I had to deal with way too many grown up
situations without fully realizing what was going on.

I know some may not
believe this, but I was the main one who put pressure on me to excel and go
beyond. My grandparents just wanted me
to do well in school. They could have
never imagined how I would have excelled.

For the most part, I
always got straight A’s (actually had nothing but straight A's until about the 11th grade). I got involved
in a lot of extracurricular activities.

I didn't shy away from difficult courses or opportunities for
advancement.

Like, where I was going to
school, most kids didn't get the option to skip certain math courses. However,
I tested so well in mathematics that I skipped Pre-Algebra. I did so well in regular English that I was
thrown in Honors English courses. Even
in the 12th grade, I was taking Calculus and Physics, but one I did
have to eventually drop because I was working and doing so many outside
activities. I was even permitted to take
Accounting, even though the course was mainly reserved for those in junior or
senior year of high school. I was taking
it as a sophomore and even tutored some of the other students.

Yes, that's me. As you can tell, I did like my bangs, but usually did a better job with roller set than using an actual curling iron. Lipstick I had just started getting kind of comfortable with. The eyeliner, eye shadow, blush..well the advanced makeup stuff--well, forget about it.

Around the end of the
school year, just before the seniors graduated, there would always be this
awards ceremony. It would recognize
stellar achievement in courses throughout the school year as well as announce
recipients of various scholarships from colleges, universities, and community
organizations.

My grandparents would have
been happy with me just finishing high school.

My mom had never finished. My two
youngest uncles had. I didn't know about
my other aunts and uncles. For them,
finishing high school was a great achievement, since my grandfather’s learning
stopped at middle school and my grandmother’s learning stopped around junior
high/high school.

May 1996.

I came into the awards
thing, always feeling hopeful, but trying not to expect much. It kept my disappointment down when I didn't place (cause some awards were 1st, 2nd and 3rd)
while others just had one winner, sometimes two (like the community scholarships).

My senior year, I not only
got awards for my placement in certain subjects, I received a variety of scholarship
money from organizations throughout the community. Also, I received scholarship offers from five
different colleges; in most cases, the scholarships covered my entire
schooling.

My grandma was ecstatic
for me. She cried tears, which I still
believe were not only tears of joy but also of triumph).

It had been so much of a
struggle—it had been just Grandma, Grandpa, and me. My Uncle residing in Cali would help when he
could. My grandpa’s sister, Aunt E,
would always help.

But others who were close
(in the general area), especially Uncle T, would not even extend his hand. He believed that my grandparents, particular
my grandma, was showing favoritism to me because at times, he wanted them to do
the same things for his child as they were for me. There would be big arguments about it, too.

One day, my grandma just
said, “Your child has you; she has her mother.
Hell, her mother’s entire family chips in and helps! Who does Monica have? We are the only family she truly has! Your sister ran off chasing some man; the
so-called daddy hasn't shown up. She hasn't provided one dime. She rarely
even calls to check on her child! If
anything, instead of begging us to help you with your child, you should be
trying to help us out with Monica!”

Uncle T may have still
felt the same way, but he kept his grumbles to himself after that.

My mom was nonexistent,
not just with communication but also with any type of financial assistance,
even when Grandma would ask.

My mom didn't sign over
custody, which limited my receiving any type of benefits from my grandfather
being in the military. She was too
caught up in having the title of being “my mother” but not doing any action to
represent it. Or maybe she was just so
bitter about how things turned out.

They found out my mom was
never going to really help so they had to do it themselves.

My grandmother thought about applying for food
stamps, but she saw all of the excess digging (divulging of personal
information) just for a tiny bit of money, and decided it really wasn't worth
all the intrusion.

My grandparents had never
applied for credit cards, but ended up doing so to have extra money to do for
me when their money ran out.

It was very rough, but my
grandma seeing me holding all of those awards made the entire struggle worth
it. She had done well. She and Grandpa both had done well.

For me, this broke the
chains of the stigma. I wasn't seen in
the neighborhood as “Faye’s daughter” anymore.
I was seen as “Florence and Ike’s baby.”
It hit home for them that I was nothing like my mother, and they were
thankful for that. I was the neighborhood success
story, and I was going far beyond just a high school diploma.

I was first generation.

I was going to college,
and my mom didn't have a damn thing to do with it.

9 comments:

Always great to hear when people are able to rise above the doubts, stereotypes, and low expectations! We share a similar story in that coming from a family with very few means, and an environment where just finishing HS was a major accomplishment. I hope you've continued to strive and overcome!!