I got what I wanted. Exactly what I longed for. At the precise moment that I wanted it. Wow. Life is amazing. I am amazing.

Who has ever had the opportunity to say those words? Seems like desires are somewhat more mysterious than that. Somewhat less generous.

We get what we want long before we can handle it or recognize it. Or when it comes, it’s in a much stranger package than we could have ever dreamed, and we might even miss it. Or, perhaps even worse: for all of our longing, all of our efforts, all of our suffering, no matter what we do, or don’t do, it just does not seem to ever come. And no matter where we go or what we are doing, it preoccupies our thoughts.

What is up with that?

Why do some desires float in effortlessly, and some desires seem to take for-f*cking-ever?

And more importantly, what can we do to increase our innate ability to conjure our deepest desires?

So much of our opinion of ourselves is wrapped up in how close we are to getting what it is we think we want. When we don’t have what we think we want, we suffer that lack to such a degree that it can impede the quality of the whole rest of our lives.

I have a boyfriend now. He’s not just a ‘boyfriend’. He is my man, my partner, my best pal, my hot lover, my trusted advisor.

And it happened kind of ‘suddenly’. I have not had a real boyfriend for many years. And now, this man has stepped into my world and changed everything for the better. He makes me feel so loved, so seen, so safe, so gotten, so held, and so sensually gratified. And meeting him was a perfect accident. That I created.

And Sister Goddess Chelsea just had a baby boy, at age 40. And she and her man got married about two weeks ago. Sister Goddess Paige sold her company for $14 million. Sister Goddess Sandra, age 65, just texted me from Mallorca, where she is on still yet another ‘honeymoon’ with her fiance.

So the question is: How did we create all of this outrageous goodness? We did it by co-operating with the laws of “cliteracy”.

Cliteracy is the observation and study of the laws of what turns us on. When you study what turns a woman on, you are making sure that the atmosphere, the biosphere, the growing conditions that she needs to thrive, are met. Both on the inner and the outer.

See, women can literally be the embodied friend or foe of their own desires.

If a woman does not observe the rules of cliteracy, then she is not providing the unique growing conditions that are required for her desire to flourish. And it will whither and languish on the vine.

Much like the gardenia plant in my living room. I so love gardenias. I water this thing daily, I atomize it constantly, but it is slowly yellowing and has exactly one blossom blooming. The rest have fallen off. This plant just does not get what it needs in a New York apartment.

And we all know this.

We all have had experiences of the right conditions and the not-so-right or downright horrifying conditions for us to thrive.

Let me show you what I mean. Let’s look, for example, at how a woman operates, sensually.

When you try to rush an orgasm, what happens? Your pleasure stops. When you criticize an orgasm, what happens? Yup, your sensation radically diminishes. When you are harsh or impatient with your sensual experience, what happens? Yup, you got it. Shut down.

And desires operate by the same truth.

Today, I want to introduce you to the 4 Key Rules of “Cliteracy”, as described in my latest book, Pussy: A Reclamation.

Hint: Replace the p-word with the word ‘desire’ and you have the secret recipe for how you radically improve the growing conditions for a desire to come to fruition.

Cliteracy Rule #2: She hates criticism, being rushed, being yelled at, being ignored.

Cliteracy Rule #3: She who owns the p*ssy holds the power.

Cliteracy Rule #4: She takes the time she takes—for very good reasons.

The bottom line here is that your quickest route to change is falling head over heels in love with the way it is. Right now. No matter how it looks, I promise you it’s the fastest way to get exactly what you want.

Yes, it feels terribly counter-intuitive. In this culture, we have been taught that change is brought about by criticism or disagreement. But that is not the way change actually happens. It happens with approval and appreciation, which is the pathway for more to come our way.

I know, it is the most difficult thing to do when you do not think you have what you want. But try it anyway.

Xo, Regena Thomashauer aka Mama Gena The School of Womanly Arts

Regena is a feminist icon, a teacher, a speaker, a mother, a best-selling author, and creatrix and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts.

p. s. Some of you know my dear friend and colleague, Debbie Rosas, Founder of Nia. Debbie is a graduate of the School and has worked with so many of our Mastery students over the years. I wanted to share a beautiful new creation of hers, called The Awakening Project. It’s a 13-month online course of self discovery to awaken the New Feminine Spirit, an exploration of art, creativity, divinity, and community. Hope you love it! Check it out right here.

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Take the School of Womanly Arts free Five-day Self-love Mini-course and learn 5 specific daily practices you can use (and Mama Gena uses herself) to shift the reality of your everyday life … even with a demanding career, while raising kids, or when you’re incredibly busy.