WARREN ELLIS is a graphic novelist, writer, public speaker and author of the NYT best-selling novel GUN MACHINE.

Tuesday: Post-Canada

Published January 24, 2006 by Warren Ellis

Doesn’t Stephen Harper look like the kind of actor a US or US-but-produced-in-Canada TV show uses as the bad guy when they can’t afford a British actor?

(Which, when David Warner is still working, is kind of unimaginable. But still.)

You know the kind of guy. Grey hair, so white you can practically see through his skin into his
circulatory system, with the kind of unblinking half-glower that lets you know that no matter what he’s talking about, he’s actually thinking about shoving pregnant lesbians tits-first into a woodchipper. He’s the white guy in the suit whose last job was sitting behind a big desk condemning Tia Carrere to death in an episode of RELIC HUNTER.

Paul Martin should never have let on that he was desperate. And now he’s in the bin and my Canadian friends are ruled by the guy who plays Creepy Vice-President in Sci-Fi Channel shows.

And, yes, I’m kicking my heels while waiting for the funeral arrangements. My girls are off to America on holiday this week, so they’re going to miss the funeral. Which kind of suits me, to be honest. The funeral itself, I can handle. It’s the thing after it I hate, where you go back to the house and the family’s supposed to lay on food and booze and a bunch of relatives crawl out of the woodwork to get shitfaced and have a good laugh. I hate that. I disappear after the service.

So I’m on my own for a couple of weeks, from tomorrow. Weird timing. Obviously, I’m not going to be around much for the next few days, but after that I imagine you can expect a flurry of drunken, paranoid, isolated ravings.

Thanks to all for the notes.

— W

(EDIT: BREAKING NEWS FROM MEDIAWEEK ONLINE: Weblets UPN and The WB will cease operations in September, giving way to a new broadcast network that will build on the assets of CBS Corp. and Time Warner, reports Anthony Crupi. The new venture, to be named The CW Network, launches this fall with 30 hours of weekly programming aimed at the 18-34 demo.)

16 Comments

When Bush was elected a group of my friends emmigrated to Canada. I wonder where they’ll go next…

Good luck avoiding the relatives, they have thermal based vision you know, so be careful.

January 24, 2006

Arni

After the funeral there is cake for the living,
peace and quiet for the dead.

I never do cake either.

strength to you and your family.

January 24, 2006

Lone Canuck

I expect the government will be, in a word, short. The opposition is far too strong for the Conservatives to make any REAL dents with regards to their “promises”. Considering the state that Canada was in before this election (ie: very good – balanced budget, civil liberty reforms, maintaining good international image, standing up to the US and their vulgar trade and foreign policies), I feel that the Conservatives will not likely do much better, let alone maintain. I see a 6 month stint before another election is held, or at the very least, a referendum.

It think the Conservatives are gonna last more than that. At least two years, ’cause they will have to work with other parties in order to get a positive vote on their propositions. We should expect a thinner federal government, tax reduction, less ministries and more money to the provinces.

As for the Irak war, The anti-missile shields, the gay marriages, they are not gonna be able to make hasty decisions since the other parties won’t let them. If they do try to change what has been done, the Parliament will have to vote, and on those issues, they are not gonna win. The Conservatives have to please or it’s election time again. They know that.

What the Conservatives will really want is succeed in implementing their easy-to-implement campaign promises and after an easy-we-are-all-friend-in-Canada first mandate, they’ll try to get the majority. That’s where the troubles will begin, if it occurs.

Even if it’s difficult for a lot you to understand, even if the Conservatives are “friends” with the Bush administration, they are not gonna be able to do a damn thing about it in their first mandate.

1. People who go on long political tirades should know how to spell Iraq.

2. Yeah, we’re boned.

3. As our public wealth gets liquidated over the next few years and Canadian agriculture completely dries up, I think I’ll work my way over to Australia and couch-surf with some friends. Fuck this two-party system bullshit. Lemme slip ah shihmp on da bahbee fo’ ya.

As far as Canada goes, I didn’t rush over the border after Bush’s second victory just because I wasn’t sure how Martin would pan out. I must admit I didn’t think the Conservatives would be strong enough to win an election this soon, but I still didn’t trust things. My only comfort is that the NDP made gains, which shows a desire to hold back the Conservatives while punishing the Liberals. I’m still going to immigrate one day because it’s still better than the States, but I’m not in that much of a hurry.

As I said over on the Engine, now that Harper’s in charge we’ll soon be goostepping to the tune of “Heil Jesus”.

…but I digress.

I’m hoping that the Liberals, the NDP, and some of the saner Conservatives will help keep the party in check. If the Conservatives DO end up with a Vote of No-Confidence, which occurs the moment one of their bills is defeated (our political system is odd that way, its like the academic world…pass laws or get kicked out), I think the country may end up swinging NDP, or at least a good portion towards the NDP, if only because they’re the only party who hasn’t made a mess of things yet (Liberal scandal, and then the inability of the Conservatives to hold power in this example).

This is the…what? Third, fourth election we’ve had in 6 years? You get to number four or number 5, people are gonna pick the only party in the country that HASN’T pissed them off yet, and vote them in on the logic that they might last a bit longer since obviously the other guys weren’t doing anything right.

Of course, the NDP would leave us without an economy, but…eh. I’d prefer the Liberals back in power. I mean, two weeks ago I went down to the US and I got 86 cents CDN to $1 US. That’s the best its been in damn near 20 years! When I was a kid we didn’t even get exchange rates that good!

January 25, 2006

Paul

It occurs to me that the thing that makes democracy the least bad system of government is that you can replace the yahoos running the country every so often.

Any party plopped on the sofa of power for any length of time gets flabby, complacent and eventually corrupt. The people turf them out and get in a new crowd to reset the process. Meanwhile, the former party in power hopefully sorts its crap out in opposition – goes to the gym, eats healthy, runs up and down steps to the soundtrack to Rockey – and generally puts itself in a state where it can stand as a viable alternative to the lardy bastards in power come the next election.

At least that’s how it’s supposed to work.

Watching the Canadian situation from the happy vantage point of the other side of the Atlantic, it seems that the Liberals need to have a Night of the Long Knives to clean out the corruption and get themselves in shape to take on the Conservatives come the next election. The Canadian electorate seems pretty well disposed towards the Liberal ideal (at least everywhere other than Alberta – which seems to be Cannuck Texas) – they just need a party that’ll reflect that.

And you can comfort yourselves that it could be worse – the Cons have a minority government, which means they can’t afford to piss people off too much.

What’s more – I can see something similar happening in Britain come the next election. Blair’s too compromised to lead another successful campaign, Brown has all the charisma of Speak your Weight machine and everyone will be royally pissed off with Labour by then anyway. The Tories will look sleek and sexy by comparison so there’ll be a swing to them, with a significant protest vote going to the LibDems (if they can stop stabbing each other in the back long enough to put a manifesto together) from people who are sick of the New Labour project, but can’t stomach voting for the Conservatives (and who can blame them).