Ask Sam letter

To Sam3 September 2017

In love with a celebrity

Dear Sam

I have started becoming really obsessed with the lead singer of my favourite band. I keep stalking her social media and looking up articles about her. I don't think it's romantic love i just wish she was in my life because i have no real strong relation with family or friends and wish she'd fill that gap. I don't know what to do beacuse i know i'll never meet her and my thoughts are unrealistic and stupid.pleass help.

Sam5 September 2017

Hi there,

Having a crush on a celebrity is normal and it's something most people go through. Movie stars, musicians, YouTubers and athletes are all the kind of people who we might admire. What's important to remember is that the people we get to see is their public personality and that behind them are real people who may be quite different. If you feel too obsessed then you could start to look at other ways to fill your time, like trying different hobbies and spending time with family and friends.

Sometimes we might watch or listen to certain famous people so much that we feel like they are a big part of our lives - so it's natural that sometimes we might get a crush on them. If a band makes music that really speaks to you, it can feel like you have a connection to the people in the band. There's nothing wrong with feeling this way but if you feel too obsessed with someone then it can help to take a step back for a moment.

One way to do this is to remind yourself that it's okay to love a band or a celebrity, but recognise that you love the public version of them. What we see is an edited version of their lives which can often leave out any negative parts. It's not that every celebrity is a different or horrible person, but most are probably very normal people when you see them day to day.

This is actually the same for most crushes, no matter if its a rock star or someone you know. An obsession or a crush on someone is often about the version of that person we build up in our heads. That version is often a lot different than the reality. Understanding this is the first step to helping yourself move on.

The second step is to start to focus on other things. This band is your favourite band, so you don't have to stop listening to them - but try listening to other bands too. Try meeting some new people as well. Doing different activities and getting out of the house will help you to see there are plenty of people who can fill that gap.