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funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Rosemary was the neighbor that sent the letter. Elf was just disposing of said nuisance in the most opportunistic and expedient manner.
She was lured over by a rousing rendition of “C’Mon a My House” played through an old HiFi Stereo that was left behind by the former occupants.

I buy banners like this in my job, and they run $300-$500. You could pay a neighborhood kid to do your lawn for the entire growing season for that kind of cash. But, that doesn’t address the letter-generated insane fury quite as well as a giant poorly attached sign.

Also–it is worth saying that I once considered putting up a sign…after some mysterious someone ran over and killed our cat while driving WAY too fast on our road (and for the record, I’m actually anti-outdoor cat, so please for the love of god, don’t start).
But I didn’t. Because signs are shitty, even when dead cats and speeding assholes are involved.

Just met our “code enforcer” for the first time. She was all upset because my fence was broken, thanks to another neighbor who tore it down in a drunken fight with his wife. I don’t have the means to fix it now, and there’s no law about fences, but man, she put up a fit about it with so many threats of what she was going to do if I didn’t fix it. So I asked her to help me fix it, either with money or physical help, which she completely refused. And then I said, “Look, you want it fixed, not me. I don’t really care. But since YOU’RE the one that wants it fixed, and you want it fixed a certain way, then perhaps YOU should be the one who fixes it.” She left in a huff and said she would send the inspector to fine me.

If I ever lose my marbles and decide that $300 on a giant PA sign is a good investment, mine will read “JUST ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG ALREADY!!!!” (courtesy of Izzy on another post). It covers all bases and a slights.

She can report you to the city, Beast. That’s what our neighbor does. He files – often false – reports to code enforcement. For awhile he couldn’t get a lot through because the guy assigned to our neighborhood at the time was awesome. But now there’s this power mad woman who believes his every report and even threatened to put a lien against our house because someone else had tossed a couch on our sidewalk. (Which we had reported to different people to have it removed six times before seven am, BTW. But they didn’t remove it until the afternoon.)

That’s what I told the actual code enforcer, when he came to tell me about the neighbor complaining about our roof needing to be fixed. I told him we didn’t have the money for it yet, but if the neighbor wanted to possibly cancel one of his extravagant parties, and use that money to pay for it, I’d be happy to allow him to. Conversely the code enforcer was welcome to climb onto the roof himself if it bothered him so much. I don’t believe I was nearly that polite, however. There were definitely angry tears and fuck was scattered throughout the conversation (which, coming from a woman who regularly says “holy moly,” means I was really mad.)

See, our code enforcement officer is a power mad bitch. This is the same one who wanted dad to put in a lawn BEFORE he put in the sprinkler system. She would e-mail him every single day telling him that she wanted our front yards “green” within a certain period of time. She would never reply to a single e-mail. (Dad was doing all the work by himself as he wanted complete control.)

It got so bad my brother and I went to the assistant mayor and asked him to tell her to back off. He gave dad a month’s extension. Which was just enough time.

Since she believes our neighbor even when we can prove him a liar and cites everyone in the neighborhood except those that actually deserve it we think either she’s taking bribes from him or having sex with him. Course we can’t prove either. It’s one of those cases where I wish I could afford a PI or had a PI friend who owes me a favor.

I’ve got to introduce you to Johannes Cabal, Nap. Series by Johnathan L. Howard about a necromancer. One not afraid to match wits against Satan, solve murder mysteries, and be sarcastic to Elder Gods.

He’s the one I’d want on my side in this situation. Cause they say you can’t fight city hall but with Cabal on my side, even though I’d likely end up owing him a huge favor, there’s no way I could lose.

@ Jami – In my city, there is no law about the fence in the front yard. As long as it doesn’t intrude on the sidewalk, it’s fine. It can exist, or not exist, or partially exist, etc. It can be any shape, color, and height. The only thing it cannot do is intrude on the sidewalk, which it does not. I’ve removed any pieces that were, and I’ve also removed the wrecked parts so there is nothing unsightly except a missing section. She can report me, and they can come out and look, but nothing will be done.

Living in the desert means that we aren’t allowed green lawns. Our yards are covered in rocks and small desert shrubs. Most of my neighbors have yards covered in dirt and dead shrubs.

@ H for Toy – I replaced some of my roof last year. Fortunately, I found the same color at the hardware store, so it was easy to fix. I replaced it because it started leaking, and because I didn’t want it to look bad. I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with this woman regarding that, because one of my neighbors did. They replaced some of their roofing at the same time I did, and they didn’t find matching materials, so part of their roof is a different color. She had a fit about that, but there isn’t any law about roof color where I live, so all she could do was complain.

I’m awaiting more complaints. I feel like doing stuff on purpose just to see what she’ll do. Perhaps a concrete penguin…

They didn’t ever look at the common denominator? Yeah, a friend of mine is like that with jobs. And landlords/roommates. It’s just amazing how many people are just out to get him! It couldn’t possibly be because he’s a difficult person to get along with!

I’m confused on how to identify the bad “neighbor” in my cul-de-sac. ‘Above the law’ runs rampant.
*Dogs and cats run wild and are not picked up after.
*Daddy’s little girl next door throws a party at every opportunity. Loud music through multiple walls and street fights are awesome!
*Putting out orange cones to close street and protect playing kids seems incredibly genius, but can I please get access to my driveway?
*Don’t park in front of your own house, please park in front of mine.

Ack… the guy who parks his POS truck in front of my house instead of his own… I can tolerate most everything else but having Fred Sanford’s loaded truck in front of my house just really bugs me. I guess I need a sign….

Here in Cincinnati, there are only two ways to deal with your issues. Distant, indignant passive-aggressiveness, or showing up at someone’s front door with a chainsaw. Sometimes we just do both on the same day: depends on the weather.

I had to rent my house for a month before the sale finally closed. The sellers didn’t bother to mow the lawn so it was already getting long when I moved in. Then they had the nerve to tell their lawyer, to tell my lawyer, to tell me that mowing the lawn was now my responsibility.
Jerks.

Usually my lawn looks very nice thanks to some money and effort on our part. But about two years ago, there were huge bald patches near the street and once summer was over I had to rip up that part of the lawn and reseed it. It’s back to looking nice. Well, on Google Earth there’s a picture of my lawn and it is from the ugly summer, so of course anybody googling us must think we’re the family from Malcolm in the Middle. sheesh

Now I want them to make a spinoff of Rocky and Bullwinkle, but now Boris and Natasha have been replaced by Bob and Natalie, two evil nerds who work for an unnamed corporation that specializes in internet services and world domination.

I know the sign was a bit much but I think that the neighbor who sent the anonymous letter is way more obnoxious. If there was a HOA then the proper channels would have been used. The homeowner/renter would have been contacted by a HOA rep. Isn’t telling someone how to care for their home kind of overstepping?

I had an anonymous ‘all your neighbors’ letter once. Only took a week to find out who. I left what they were bitching about alone. They decided to take care of it themselves. I was growing new grass and letting it grow out to get good roots. He took it upon himself to mow it to an 1/4th inch and leave the clippings on top. He was not happy when he threatened to call the cops and I said “sure lets go inside I will call them for you about your trespassing and destroying my yard”. About every 2 years now he just calls the city and they come out and do nothing. I always say ‘Oh he is mad because I made the rest of the yard nice except the part next to his that he killed with his mower too bad about the weeds there at least they are under the legal limit’. “well just keep it mowed” (they have to say something) “oh I do and tell him the next time he calls to mind his own business, again” “will do see you in a couple of years”