In Chapter 2 of my book, Permission: Stop Competing & Start Creating the Life You Want to Live, I ask the question, “What is keeping you locked up?” You may think your life is chugging along without much interruption but I would challenge you to think about the story you are telling yourself that doesn’t allow you the permission to design your best life. Perhaps it stems from childhood, or an ex telling you that you are less than, or comparing yourself to every Photoshopped woman in magazines.

Embarrassingly, I held onto something that happened to me in high school for over 20 years. It all stems from my self-doubt about my prom date asking me out of charity versus out of desire. I share my lack of self-esteem for all to read in Chapter 2. It wasn’t until I met my prom date at our 20th reunion that I was able to silence the tape in my head about not being good enough. Twenty years of telling myself I was less than and a charity case crept into all of my future relationships with men. I had allowed myself to craft a story that was untrue and to live in a place of feeling like a bridesmaid and never a bride. Take it from me, that has been exhausting.

What I’ve come to learn is that usually the crazy story we are telling ourselves is far from reality, but until we face the demon head on (in my case, admitting to my prom date that I thought he took me out of charity and being shot down by his reality) it paralyzes us from being authentic and soulfully happy.