17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Monday, April 07, 2008

12 months and 1 day until...

I have one year left of being in my twenties, and I am a little bit panicking.For all that has happened in the past 9 years, I really cannot believe that my twenties are coming to an end. I have 12 more months of being in that demographic that I check all the time: 24-29.

I have always been ok with aging, but I figured out that’s because my age still starts with a 2. I endearingly call most of my friends OLD because their ages begin with a 3. But soon, I wil be in my thirties too.

I had absolutely no trepidation about leaving my teens and entering my twenties. I was thrilled to be finally old enough. But, in my thirties, what do I have to look forward to? What am I NOW old enough to do? Well, in about 6 years I could run for president and maybe my insurance would cover an amniocentesis. My ability to conceive will probably be gradually compromised. The elasticity in my skin will get looser and looser. I will undoubtedly spend more money on anti-aging products. The spider veins and cellulite will probably increase while my metabolism decreases. I will no longer be considered for certain jobs. The other day I was sent on a casting for a 35-40 year old woman for a pharmaceutical. I think in a few years I will be going out for botox and menopause commercials. Boniva anyone?

Am I already there? Really?

At the same time I see that most of my daughter’s classmate’s parents have about 10 years on me. They seem completely unphased by this. Should I be panicking that I will be an empty-nester before I am even 45 years old? Should I wish I was older? Am I insane to have two children in my twenties?

I am so mixed up....I think I get that aging is mostly positive, but seriously, I have not spent much if any time on the reality that I will be in my thirties one day, and that countdown has begun, and I'm a little freaked.

22 Comments:

I feel you. I'll be 29 in June and I am having a really hard time with it! But, as you said, I do have at least 10 years on the moms in my son's class. It's probably not that bad!
posted by Lahni at 4/07/2008 05:17:00 PM

30 sucks. But after that, nobody says things like "oooh! Almost 31!" so that's good.

I had 3 kids in my twenties, so I'm crazy if you are.

I'm all about the young empty nest thing. I'm really looking forward to it.

AFter the big birthday, you get OK with it, and then stop caring. At least I did. But then, I'm only 32 - ask me again in 8 years.

I'm also not in a profession that emphasizes youthfulness, so I can't help you there, but I do think you're a long way from menopause commercials.
posted by The Wiz at 4/07/2008 05:37:00 PM

This may sound way too serious for such a lighthearted post, but I just want to say that your daughters will be noticing how you deal with aging and I hope you're able to be honest, but positive, with them about it.

Is there anything positive about getting old and saggy, you may ask? Well, no. But if you try to focus on the fundamentals (being a good person, loving yourself and others, etc., etc.), your daughters will learn that they are valuable and important, even after they lose their youthful good looks.

That said, are you the woman on the Zyrtec advertisements? She looks a lot like you. I loved the Motts Applesauce ad. So cute!
posted by Anonymous at 4/07/2008 06:08:00 PM

I wish I was. I actually auditioned for that and thought it was mine simply because that literally is my life: indoor and outdoor allergies. NOt even a callback!!! It shot in South Africa too....

And, you are right...I do try to have positive self talk around my girls and so far I think it's working, they seem to have good self esteem....I did catch myself making a comment about how my legs looked in a swimsuit the other day, and decided next time I put it on I will proclaim how hot my cellulite is!

chloe, I know today I was like: One day I will look back on myself today and think I am SOMEthing!!! So, I realize the whole downhill thing...especially after babies....the post-baby body is like no other...
posted by Kage at 4/07/2008 06:43:00 PM

I may be in the minority here but I had NO issues turning 30. In fact I love being in my 30's (perhaps because most assume I'm still in my 20's--finally the looking younger thing is paying off)...the only thing that I wish? That I actually had my kids in my 20's...I only have 1 and I'm 31 so I feel this whole need to get on with it already. I would love to be a young empty nester...then again I had my 20's all to myself, so it's just how you look at it.

However, I do hear you on the cellulite/veins front. Just today I discovered icky veins in my legs that I didn't know existed...I asked my husband he replied "yeah they've always looked like that." Where have I been?
posted by miggy at 4/07/2008 06:50:00 PM

Yes, Happy Birthday!

I hear ya. I haven't stewed much on it yet, but I'll be 30 in just a few months. It's funny, I too look at my friends, 10+ years older than me and I can't believe they're not freaking out about being nearly 40! 40!! That's old! Somehow they're still normal functioning people. And they're still beautiful and fun! So I guess it's not all totally over at that point. :)

If it makes you feel any better, DH and I always die laughing at how ridiculiously YOUNG the models are who pose for menopause (and the like) commercials. Come on!

I think it would be SWEET to be a young empty nester. Par-ty! Par-ty! I also think it's cool that you are younger than your kids' peers' parents, and probably still will be even if you have more children. You're like the hot mom!
posted by Linz at 4/07/2008 07:14:00 PM

I love the blog. Being single, and 29 it usually reminds me what is important in life and makes me desire to someday have what each of you have. With that being said the one thing that makes me excited about turning 30 this year is I have built up a hype that I will be in Tahiti or some other great destination for my 30th birthday. I do realize being single I have a lot more spendable money however it makes turning 30 as a single woman with no children bearable.
posted by Anonymous at 4/07/2008 08:12:00 PM

Well, as an Oh so much older 30 turning 31 yr old, I will say that turning 30 did kinda suck. Losing or leaving the 20's kinda threw me for a loop! But now, all I do to cheer myself up about it is look at my DH who is 6 yrs older and say- WOW- I am like WAAAY younger than you!! Hahah!

But seriously, I think that sex is better in the 30's already... and I also look at someone like Demi Moore (on a physical level) and think- if she can look so good and be so old then by golly so can I!!

And on a spiritual/mental level I feel happy knowing I have it more together now than I have ever in my life.. and it's cool to get some great life experience behind ya. There are so many things yet to do and be! I plan on living life to it's fullest as long as my body and mind will allow!

I think it's exciting! what do you want to do with your 30s? everything is still possible. travel? write a book? back to school? start a new career? you're still young and energetic. who cares about the physical side of things when your experiences and mind have just been getting warmed up!
posted by cchrissyy at 4/07/2008 09:18:00 PM

Yeah, I have to say that 30 is really great but maybe I'm in the minority too. I actually thought that turning 29 was hard with the whole 30s-looming-in-the-distance thing. I feel like the older I get the more I feel like myself, if that makes sense. I am more confident. I'm not trying as hard to impress people or find my place in the world. I don't worry as much what other people think. I feel stronger and more capable. And Rachel H is right, there are millions of gorgeous women in their 30s. I actually felt better this past year (before getting pregnant of course) than I ever did in my 20s. It would be more difficult to deal with in a career that deals a lot in looks I suppose. I think it's all perspective and what you make out of your life. It definitely is scary to get older, but don't be afraid of turning 30. 30 doesn't feel old at all!
posted by Beth at 4/07/2008 09:55:00 PM

Yeah, I think 29 was worse than 30 - because it was that "one last year" thing. The great thing about turning 30? I didn't have to do it again!

There are great things about getting older, but I think most of them do with having lived longer as opposed to reaching milestones. Meaning, you have more experience and the knowledge that brings, more time with yourself and hopefully a comfort that brings. Lately, I've had an easier time being happy with what I have and who I am than I ever have before. NOTE - I say "easier", not "easy"! :-)

And then there are not as great things. Our bodies change. I've found that now that I'm in my 30's (I'm 31 currently) my body carries weight very differently than it did before. It's not just my post-baby body (I've had that for 5 years) it's an older body. That's difficult to adjust to. Also, I almost had a heart attack when I had to check a survey box that said "30-45". Are you kidding me? GULP.

If we (and I'm including me in the we) have always had body issues, I don't think we magically reach an age when we no longer care. It's always going to be there, it's just with an always changing and aging body. It's not realistic to expect we'll always have a 20-yr old body - Demi Moore and Madonna are the exception, not the norm. And do you really want to spend 5 hours a day 7 days a week in the gym to look like that? no, you have many more important things to do, like living your life.
posted by marian at 4/08/2008 05:29:00 AM

I do occasionally feel "old", but I also enjoy being looked to as the "wise" one by my younger friends.

I had 3 kids in my twenties and the 4th by 31. I'd much rather be an empty nester by 50 than have to wait until I'm 65. Think of all the things you'll still want and be able to do and what a fun grandma you'll be.

For the record, I LOVE being in my 30's - I finally feel "my age". When I was 18 I felt like my soul was in it's late 30's, so I always felt like I was trying to catch up. Turning 30 was a relief. I also love the idea of being a young "empty nester". My husband and me have always had big travel/living abroad plans once our kids are grown so I'm looking forward to being in that phase of life.

That said, I agree with Marian - my body just isn't the same body it was even 3 years ago...and probably never will be again. I have to work that much harder to keep it the way I want it...and I'm not used to working so hard! So that part of hitting your 30's (and having had a few kids) kind of sucks.

But the wisdom of 32 years lived very fully? No way would I trade that.

And I totally agree with Rachel H - sex just gets better and better in your 30's...

chloe, i completely agree with everything you said.....i also feel like i am finally my age. i feel like i had to endure my late teens and early twenties and i am so relieved to be here now.
posted by Jen at 4/08/2008 03:15:00 PM

You don't have to tell me, I only have 6 months and 12 days till I turn 30.The thing is, 30 just doesn't seem all that old to me now. It doesn't even feel as old as it did when I was 25. I feel like I'm just starting to get going and figure things out. And considering I'm finished having kids before most women even start, I'm pretty relieved it's over with.Yesterday one of the special ed teachers mentioned that I wasn't quite old enough to be in the grown up category. I don't think she realizes how old I am, she's probably only 5 or 6 years older than me.
posted by Mo Mommy at 4/09/2008 09:54:00 AM

Hi Kage,I thought turning 30 would be so traumatic and it turned out to be my best birthday ever. I turned 30 last year and I can honestly tell you that I feel better about myself today than I did for the majority of my 20's. To give you a little background info on me, I got married when I was 22, I had my first child when I was 23 and my second when I was 27. I didn't graduate college until I was 29. I think turning 30 allowed me to reflect on what I had done in my 20's and what I wanted to do in my 30's. I am at a place in my life now where I am done having babies. This took a huge toll on my body and I am finally at a place where I can have "me time" to exercise, eat healthy, and do things for myself instead of constantly taking care of an infant. I feel like I know myself better and am more accepting of situations I can't change now that I'm older. I love being 31, I don't know if I'll feel the same way at 40, but I hope so.

Maybe something that will make you feel better about next year's birthday is to plan a really great trip or party. Then it gives you something to look forward to, but I think you'll find it's not as awful as you think it will be.
posted by MKC at 4/10/2008 10:46:00 AM