The Reno, NV resort employee who filed a civil lawsuit against Ben Roethlisberger last month is getting desperate. Okay, more desperate. Ooh, that’s a clever burn, because I insinuated that she was already…eh, you get the idea. She’s trying to settle, according to reports on a county filing late last week:

The conditions are that: first, he must admit that he assaulted her; he must deliver to her a letter of apology withdrawing “the false statements and allegations that he and his agents have made about her.” And, lastly, he must donate $100,000 to the Committee to Aid Abused Women in Reno, Nev., “or a similar entity designated by the plaintiff.” via.

You can guess what happens next. [He fixes the cable?] I’m ready for this whole story to go away, so it’s nice to see it finally winding down. Who knows whether or not Roethlisberger’s camp will file a countersuit against the woman, the hotel, the city of Reno, America, Jesus Christ or the Easter Bunny. I’d argue that it’s mighty difficult to besmirch an idiot that quarterback that can’t ride a bike without nearly killing himself. If I ever learn how to read, I’ll be a great lawyer.