twitchy

Day 2 (yesterday)

Today continued to be very emotional. I am at the end of myself. I don’t think I’ve slept well in a week and we all feel a little crazy. The tremors have continued. They are not as frequent but there were two very intense ones this evening, that caused the walls to rattle. However, all day long the earth feels like it is pitching. This is extremely difficult for me. I think we all have a little PTSD from yesterday and every shake brings back that feeling of dread. I am in hyper vigilant mode. I am constantly aware of how far I am from a door. I’m trying to keep both kids nearby at all times. Every plane that flies overhead, every loud car, every time the gate opens, I feel my muscles twitch for the door. It is incredibly insane to be afraid of being indoors. We spent a good part of the evening sitting in the driveway, but the mosquitoes are in full-force and it looked like it might rain. We are indoors now, and it’s making me incredibly anxious. I took a shower earlier and I left a set of clothes outside, just in case I had to make a run for it. I didn’t want to be those ladies we saw last night, in the street in a towel.

We took a walk earlier, just inside the gate of the private neighborhood where we are staying. Most families had erected beds and mosquito netting in their front yard. One house was watching CNN with rabbit ears in the front yard. It looks like Haiti is receiving full-time coverage. It was sobering to see that, since we are so out of touch. It was a reminder of how grave the situation is, and it scared me. We also walked by women singing and reading the bible in their yards. I think they believe that this is the end of the world.

Troy continues to go out during the day and report back. Today he came back with quite a bit of photo footage. There are dead people everywhere. This is a concern, because if the bodies are not disposed of properly it because a public safety issue. Tara and I are worried about that. They also spent time at a clinic that is dressing wounds, and continued to tell us how bad it is. About five of them went out today and when they got back, they looked like they had seen a ghost. When people are crushed under cement, the injuries are serious.

I’ve been very stressed today, and I’m trying hard to snap out of it by writing, and by listening to my ipod. I’m finding it hard to engage with Kembert. The language barrier is difficult, and Karis is sick and very clingy. I know he must sense my stress. I find myself just staring off into the distance, or quietly crying. Tonight we put a movie on for the kids. It was Stuart Little, and I hate this movie. But my own kids watched it last week. I started crying just thinking of them sitting in their room at home, and how much I want to be there.

Later I was playing with Karis and saw Mark’s face so clearly in hers. I miss him so much.The stress of being here is overwhelming. So much devastation, but the potential for danger is so great. There is already talk of diesel shortages and potential food rationing. There is no city electricity. We have no way of communicating with anyone. I have a ticket to leave tomorrow, but I’m hearing that the airport may be closed. I also have a ticket for Friday, but it may not resume until Monday. I’m also hearing that the earliest flight out is in February. Thinking about being stuck here that long is freaking me out. We have no way of knowing how or when I can leave. Tomorrow I go to the airport, and I’m willing to pay whatever it takes to get to any US city. I can figure it out from there.

58 comments:

Kristen, I can only imagione how scary this is for you. You and Karis are in my thoughts as well as the beautiful people of Haiti. By the sounds of it the US marines have secured the airport and air travel is resuming. I hope you can get a flight quickly. Just an FYI, Air Canada and Air Transat both operate out of PAP to Montreal on Tuesday and Wednesdays.

I just recently started following your blog and I am in awe of your strength. I can't imagine going through what you are and how you must be so desperate to get home to your husband and other kids. I am thinking of you and hope that you can get home safely soon. I am in NYC and if you can get to here, I would be more than happy to help you in any way I can.

Kristen, I don't know that we have ever met, but I am praying for you and the people around you. A good friend of mine is there also, working for Child Hope International at an Orhanage in Port Au Prince. She is a nurse, and has supposedly helped set up a clinic. Our faith is as simple as hoping God continues to protect her and bring her strength and peace. I will pray the same for you and yours.

praying for you guys like crazy. You, personally, have been through a lot, and yes, it DOES matter, even in light of all of the horrible tragedy for all of the countless there(i know it's easy to tell ourselves we have it "easy" when we can escape difficulty while others cannot).... Praying, too, for the Haitian people and all efforts being made to help. I'm so sorry that Keanan can't come with you.

Kristen, We've been praying for you guys constantly. I am thrilled that you may be making it out. We pray believing that all of the details will come together. Thanks for posting and sharing what it's like on the groud.

Hello! I work with your Dad at Westminster. Just heard about you being in Haiti this morning and he alerted me to your blog. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I can't imagine what you all are going through --

praying for the things that are most needed for you... a plane ticket home and peace. also praying that supplies would get in to help the people that most need it on the ground. besides giving money, i don't know what to do besides be mindful and hope that you feel the support.

Praying for you Kristen and hoping Karis is feeling better.Yes, CNN and MSNBC have dedicated most time to Haiti thankfully. The President said this morning: You are not forsaken, you are not forgotten. Powell wants long term committments from the international community (China, France, etc)....Praying for strength - I can imagine you are living in an absolute alternate reality right now.

I have been following your blog for a few months but have never posted. When I heard about the Quake, after my initial sad and horrified thoughts, I immediately thought of you and your family. My heart and prayers go out to you all.

Kristen, this is Rory, Jen's friend. You were the first person I thought of when the earthquake hit. You are being surrounded in prayer 24/7. Through blogs, facebook, and word of mouth we have been calling all prayer warriors. You. are. not. alone. You will make it home. I know we can't begin to imagine what you are in the midst of right now, and our words may fall short. But there are Someone's words who will never come back void. I'll send those to you instead. I'm sending you some Scriptures below to read/speak for peace in the midst of turmoil. WE LOVE YOU. WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU. WE WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES. YOU ARE NOT FORSAKEN, NOR FORGOTTEN. And neither is the rest of Haiti. We are all in this together. Don't lose heart or hope, for God is on the throne. He has seen your affliction and heard the cries of His people. Hang on and hold tight. He will come through.

"O God the Lord, the strength of my salvation, You have covered my head in the day of battle." Ps. 140:7

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He wil sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." Ps. 55:22

"I hope in You, O Lord; You will answer, O Lord my God." Ps. 38:15

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." Ps. 27:14

"Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you..." Ex. 14:13

"I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Is. 41:10

"My soul takes refuge in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge until destruction passes by." Ps. 57:1

"Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:15

We've never met but know of you from Rock Harbor. We are praying for you and for everyone there. Stay strong. The world has their eyes on all of you and are sending support in droves. We pray you stay safe and make it home soon.

Kristen,I am visiting your blog for the first time from Mama Manifesto. I wish that I was visiting you on different circumstances, though you have one more Kristin praying for you that you will arrive home safe and sound.

Kristen, The moment I heard about the earthquake, I thought about you. I read your blog daily and knew you were set to travel there after your marathon. Glad to hear you are holding up. Stay strong. I am praying for you, Karis and Keanan day and night. Hoping you will be able to get back soon.

While it may not mean a whole lot in the midst of this, I'm ridiculously proud to know you and thankful for you and the impact you've had on my life. I'm praying for a miraculous flight out and for your sanity. -Ken Clark

Kristen,I follow your blog, and have only commented ramdomly...I am praying for you and your family and will continue to do so. I can't imagine what you must be going through...praying for strength, peace, health, and comfort....Kristin L.

We are praying for you with every thought. Strength of body, mind and spirit for you, peace, health and calm for Karis during travel, peace for you and Keenan as you say an intensely stressful goodbye, safety and guidance for the Livesays, and endurance and peace for Mark & the fam. We love you tons and can't await the final word that you are back on US soil.

Kristen--You and your precious children were my very first thoughts when news of the earthquake came through. Many people are praying for you. I can't wait to hear when you're home safe and sound. It will be soon. God is in control.

We are praying for you and for a miracle escape home to the loving arms of your husband and family. We are terribly proud of you and the strength of mind you have to write in your blog and to merely survive. Our hearts are trying to watch your back for this time of extreme stress. We also pray for others in H that are in pain, hurting and alone. My husband Gary is a pastor with Mike at OCC.

Kristen, I have been a blog "stocker" of yours for a while. I am a friend of Jen Tompkins from OR. Your blog is one that is hard not to read, you mix such humor and candor, especially for us moms into all your write about and I appreciate that. (I still laugh to myself as I throw on my "mom" jeans)Since hearing of the Haiti tradegy I have thought and prayed for your family and have told my bible study friends to pray. In just glancing over all of these responses it is obvious to say you've touched a lot of lives. We all are in support of your family and your journey at this time. We'll continue our prayers for you and for Haiti and your precious boy over there. God's speed.

I got here through Jen's blog and have been praying for you. I'm so happy to hear that you are on US soil. I will continue to send up prayers for those at Heartline. I can not imagine what they are going through.

I do not know you and found your blog by searching for bloggers in Haiti. I am adding a link to your blog in a special section on my own blog. I want you to know that I am praying for you and for all the people in Haiti.

Dear God,

While I cannot always understand the things that happen in our world, I pray that you will be with all the people in Haiti and those outside of the country who are waiting to hear from loved ones. I pray that all those who are hurting, grieving, in pain, suffering will feel your embrace and know that you are there beside them and that you weep with them. I pray that those who lost loved ones will feel comforted in knowing that you were there when their loved one lost their life and that you have taken them home and that they have no more pain or fear. I pray for strength for the rescue workers, the missionaries, the communities, all who are working countless, endless hours to bring stability back to this devastated place. I don't have much to offer but I do have the strength of my prayers and my faith in your love and comfort.

I stumbled across your blog via the Livesay's blog - in my search for Haiti blogs. I find your strength, humor and honesty throughout your blogs, especially during this time, most inspiring. I live in Oregon and am a single mom of 3 boys, 2 already grown up. I just want to let you know that reading your entries has made me laugh as well as brought me to tears. I am glad to know you made it home to your family. My thoughts and prayers with you that your son is finally able to come home to your family soon and that your friends in Haiti continue to provide hope and aid to all those who are suffering.