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A Fall Flop

A year ago I took my kids out to a beautiful grassy hillside at a historical farm in Duvall, Washington to capture the joy and wonder of their childhood. Wes was the entertainment for the night and he did a marvelous job, but it was impossible to get all five sets of little eyes and smiles on me. I came home that evening, scrolled through all the pictures and felt like it was a flop—I was discouraged.

Those feelings coupled with the fact that I took several family and senior pictures that fall left me with little time or desire to edit. Soon after the holidays I found myself in the midst of a big move to the California Bay Area. Every time I glanced through these pictures I felt a twinge of sadness that pricked my soul. I ached to be back home….

Six months later I was ready to throw myself back into photography.

Once I finally sat down to edit, I couldn’t believe what I had once thought of as a flop. I would take these crazy hysterical laughing photos over a picture perfect moment any day.

I am so grateful for each of my sweet children and feel it a privilege to be their mother! They are so patient, kind and forgiving of me as I struggle to learn how to be a mom.

Being a mother is challenging, the days can be long, and patience can wear thin. Many days, weeks, and months could be glanced back through and quickly chalked up to as “a flop”. Disappointment and discouragement settles in, “I am failing my kids!”

My perspective as a mother is so limited.

If I quickly glance through life looking for perfection, I won’t find it. But if instead, I search for moments of chaos, smiles, and laughter I will surely have it.

Frequently I create an ideal image of what a family event should look like, and I get so focused on that vision of “perfection” that I don’t enjoy the moment sitting right in front of me. I get uptight over the kids rocking on their chairs at dinnertime, or laughing hysterically during prayer, or coming out of bed for the hundredth time for just one more hug and drink of water.

Perfection is there, I just fail to see it.

It is time to cherish these fleeting moments of childhood and rejoice in the madness, because it is going to end, and when it does there will be a gapping hole in my heart.

I love you crazy kids :)! xoxo, Mom

** After posting this I felt silly. I fully recognize that these pictures are far from perfect, as are any moments in our life. The point is, that it is good and that I can find joy in what I have :).

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3 thoughts on “A Fall Flop”

Oh, Amber. I love you so much. I completely understand and have been trying extra hard to learn that exact lesson. These pictures ARE perfection. I love them so much! Now I want to see something recent! If Jacob looks that grown up a year ago . . . . I don’t think I’ve seen a picture of your kids in quite a long time. (Now that I’ve made you feel like you’ve got to do something big, when you really should just revel is what you just accomplished . .. ) I love you, cousin. You are one of my favorites for always.