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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Border Patrol recently discovered smugglers using a new way to get drugs across the Mexican border into America; catapults. That's right! They can get five pound bags of pot almost 500 feet across the U.S. border. Man, you gotta have someone with pretty good aim manning those things or you're liable to make somebody's day on the other side. Then again, maybe that's what's needed to chill Arizona out. Maybe that's Mexico's plan; use medieval weaponry to fire pot into America's litter box and calm all these fat white guys with riffles defending us from the horde of poor people who just want to come here for the chance to make slave wages washing our dishes and cutting our lawns.

Here's my question; how soon before they start using catapults to get people across the border? Conservatives will freak the hell out! "Mexican's can fly now? We don't need a fence, we need a dome!" I think if you're willing to shoot yourself across the border in a drug smuggler’s catapult, to do the work no American wants to do, you get to stay. Especially if you land in this country with a five pound bag of pot. It might not be a green card, but it is green.

America got started, because people looked around and were tired of living in a country where poverty and repression weren't ever going to change. So, they went somewhere else to start a country where opportunities would be normal. We seem to forget that. Of course, people from Mexico are coming here. Besides, if you want to stop people from economically depressed countries from coming here you don't go after the individuals; you make the penalties so stiff for the businesses that hire them that they no longer hire them. Supply and demand, baby! One of the biggest, most-guilty businesses on that score? The agriculture industry. Ironically, they not only don't face massive fines from the government, they receive some of the largest government subsidies. We go after the people picking our fruits and vegetables for crap wages (thereby, keeping the price low), and not only do we not go after the business making a profit on this, we hand them your tax dollars, while rounding up the poorest of the poor people, who will shoot themselves across the border again, first chance they get.

A few years ago the newest Superman movie came out, Superman Returns. Conservatives got angry because in the movie someone asks if Superman is still here to fight for "Truth, justice and all that stuff?" You'll notice it wasn't Truth, justice and the American away. People flipped over this! Why? If I have my Superman facts straight, he wasn't born in America. In fact, he's an actual alien! If anything, conservatives should be more worried about Superman than a Mexican. If you follow their logic, Superman can take the jobs of one hundred Americans.

Here is a little fun-fact that explains why America is in the economic mess that it is, and perfectly highlights either our stupidity or cruelty. All of the uniforms for the United States Border Patrol are made in, wait for it, Mexico! All this bullshit about border security goes out the window. What's to stop anyone at the factory from simply putting on one of the uniforms and stepping across the border? That might confuse an actual U.S. Border Patrol agent. "Wow! There are so many of us out here today! Great. We can use all the help we can get now that they can fly."

Part of why we are screwed is we just don't make anything in this country anymore. That and we send jobs overseas. The Border Patrol uniforms are a perfect example of how we screw ourselves. The American company that got the contract for the uniforms sent the work to a factory in Mexico, because it was cheaper to make them there. Not only does that demonstrate why people come here for better pay, Americans lost out on those jobs because an American company couldn't even wait for illegal aliens to come here, they just sent the jobs over there.

This isn't patriotic. If you wanted to be patriotic those uniforms should be made in the right country: China.

While one part of the U.S. Government is spending tens of millions of dollars to keep human beings we call aliens out of the country, NASA just spent tens of millions of dollars to broadcast a message into space for aliens. I can imagine some super advanced species on their world trying to make sense of our message.