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To Much Weight To Carry

Everything in my life seems to be going two miles a minute right now cause the olâ€™ traditional saying of a mile a minute just doesnâ€™t seem fast enough.

The same day we contact the lawyer we get a response from AMC with the offer to terminate our lease with no penalty fees or anything. Our first thought was â€˜great, now we donâ€™t need the lawyer!â€™ and so we went and looked at a place and even put a hundred down on it to hold it until we could finish paying the deposit.

As soon as we left I got really upset and justâ€¦ didnâ€™t want to move. Iâ€™m tired of moving. In the past couple of years this has been my life:

16 â€“ move out of my dadâ€™s to go to school 17 â€“ move back in with my dad17 â€“ move to Colorado Springs, Co to live with my in-laws for a few months17 â€“ move back to my dadâ€™s to finish my pregnancy18 â€“ move back to Colorado Springs, Co to live with my in-laws after I have the baby18 â€“ move to Westminster, Co into mine and Marcâ€™s apartment

And nowâ€¦ 18 â€“ move to somewhere near this area ASAP!

And having gone through that whole foster care thingâ€¦ I already was a homebody and hated moving. Every single move was hard on me and I never had much choice.

The first move it was â€˜move or quit the classes you already paid for and be a college dropout your first semesterâ€™. The second move was â€˜move or donâ€™t have a place to liveâ€™. The third move was â€˜move or donâ€™t see Marc for almost a yearâ€™. The fourth move was â€˜move or donâ€™t have any medical insurance for a few months/change doctors at the end of your pregnancy/donâ€™t have any family with you when you go into laborâ€™. The fifth move was â€˜move or have your baby live in a house that had a lot of mold in it (freshly discovered but old). And then the final move was of course the â€˜you canâ€™t live with your parents foreverâ€™ type of reason.

So sure, there has always been a reason. But I am a homebody. I donâ€™t like moving.

I had an emotional breakdown last night and that caused me and my husband to fight and it is just really frustrating.

Gah.

Well, even though we put money down on that other place we have decided to look at different apartments. The kitchen in that place is so small itâ€™s a square. There is the stoveâ€¦ counterâ€¦ sinkâ€¦ counterâ€¦ fridgeâ€¦ opening. There is no way two people could fit in the kitchen to work together and with Emeny always wanting to be under my feet she would get hurt for sure! Plus I hate it. Makes me claustrophobic.

So yeah. Thatâ€™s currently where we are with the situation.

Emotion wise, I don't know how much more I can handle. This is all really taking its toll on me. To move means we have to transfer all utilities. While packing/unpacking/dealing with a crawler/walker I hae to figure out my classes also. My husband starts his school again on the 5th of September so I'll have no help as of where we are in the figuring things out process.

And the worst part is, though this place has been nothing but problems as far as management is concerned... the actual apartment is nice. The way it is laid out is perfect. The size is perfect. The outside looks nice. I just wish it was as nice as it appeared.

With the upcoming stress my husband and I are already getting at eachother's throats. I can't handle everything. I'm only one person. I feel like I don't have a choice in what I get to handle and what I don't though. And I don't think that is fair.

And when I tried to express my concerns to Marc this morning he said "well it will be hard". Yeah, of course it will be hard. That's easy to say seeing as how it is ME it will be hard on, not him. He'll be gone almost 24/7 again. I'll have to do the packing. I'll have to do the unpacking. He'll have to spend one day loading and putting things in the new apartment. That's it. That isn't as stressful as everything I've got to figure out.

I've got to:

transfer the utilities/internet

I have to have the internet transfered on the day we move because I have to be able to go to school.

I have to figure out how to find the time to pack an entire apartment in a months time while going to school online full time (while just getting used to going to school again) and transfer all of our bills, and still take care of the current bills, the cooking, the cleaning and taking care of a very active baby by myself.

I have to then help load/unload everything while taking care of a very active baby.

Then... by myself, I have to unpack everything while going to school online full time, make sure all of our bills are taken care of, the cooking, the shopping, the cleaning and taking care of a very active baby (have I mentioned that she is very active?!).

And I've got to do all of that within a month.

I feel overwhelmed. I feel burdened. I feel stressed. And I don't want to do it. I know I can't but part of me wants to say 'if I just live with all these horrible, unlivable issues can we just over look all this drama so I can still live here'. I know I won't say that. I know I can't. I know we need a clean and safe place to live... but that sure is a lot to ask of a person... any person... especially a new mom, a new wife and an 18 year old. Legal status or not... in a lot of ways I'm still just a girl. Mature for my age? Sure... doesn't change I'm still really just a girl still.

Ugh.

It shouldn't be this hard.

I'm going to pray a lot about this and just let God do what he does best and in the mean time I'm going to do my part and find a place and try not to stress about it.

sorry hun, life is hard and especially when you are young, i moved around alot when i was younger and eventually it gets better and a tad easier, i know how frustrated you may feel but as long as you pray God will see you thru it. anyways let me know how it goes good luck!

Thank you :) God is already helping me to feel better and not be as stressed.

I'm still a little stressed but not near as bad. I'm able to be myself and be happy again. I just have to trust him to fix things in the best way possible. He never fails.

Quoting ness_uh_0630:

sorry hun, life is hard and especially when you are young, i moved around alot when i was younger and eventually it gets better and a tad easier, i know how frustrated you may feel but as long as you pray God will see you thru it. anyways let me know how it goes good luck!

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