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Jared Is Shown The Bright Side

Jared Fogle, the guy who became a pitchman for Subway after losing a lot of weight eating nothing but their sandwiches, has agreed to plead guilty to charge of receiving child pornography and paying for sex with girls as young as 16. He also paid prostitutes a finders’ fee to find children as young as 14 to commit sex acts with him.

The agreement released by prosecutors said Fogle will pay $1.4 million in restitution to 14 minor victims, who will each receive $100,000. He will also be required to register as a sex offender and undergo treatment for sexual disorders.

The government agreed not to seek a sentence of more than 12½ years in prison, and Fogle agreed not to ask for less than five years, according to court documents.

Here’s the thing; he may still end up doing more than 12 years in the joint. The maximum federal penalty for child porn is 12 years and for sex with a minor he can get 30. A judge doesn’t have to go by this deal. He can make Jared serve longer and maybe combine the two charges. We’ll find out soon enough.

I find it peculiar that he received child porn from the guy running his charity. How do these guys find out they shared interests of child porn and sandwiches? Were they sitting down over a couple of Subway Chipotle Guacamole Chicken Melts when one said to the other “by the way, do you enjoy physically and psychologically traumatizing a child for the rest of his life?”

At least none of the guys were his sisters unlike fun Mr. Moral Guy Josh Duggar. Duggar, one of the 19-Kids-And-Counting kids is well known for opposing gay marriage and telling other people how they should live a moral and ethical life such as his. A few months ago it came out that he used to fondle his little sisters while they were sleeping. He apparently fondled other little girls who were not his sisters.

Well there’s this website called Ashley Madison which is a date site for people who want to cheat on their spouses. Oh, you heard of the fine. A bunch of hackers broke into the site and stole a bunch of their clients’ information. Yesterday they exposed a bunch of of those cheaters. Guess who was on the list.

Yup. Josh Duggar. Now Mr. Duggar, like Mr. Fogle, has stated he needs professional help and will seek it out.

I have always admired the integrity of individuals who recognize they have a sickness and seek help…you know, after they’re caught and publicly humiliated.

That’s just the first celebrity. There’s always a celebrity cheating on the spouse. I find the Duggar case more interesting because he’s the kind of guy who’s a hypocrite and will never have an uptight homophobic baker refuse to make him a cake. Mostly I’m interested if any politicians will show up on the list.

I don’t think I would ever be in danger of being on a list such as this. I’m single now and I don’t do online dating. I just don’t trust it and quite frankly, I find it kinda needy and pathetic. So I can’t get in trouble or exposed for cheating or surfing the web for hookups, though I have gotten in trouble for petting another dog.

I drew two roughs for this cartoon. My pal Stefen told me I should go with this pants version.

He laughed immediately when he saw it. He kinda inspired this idea by making a pants statement we both immediately forgot. However, after showing both to another friend I decided to go with the cartoon that covered Fogle and Ashley Madison.