ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Weston Ochse is a former intelligence officer and special operations soldier who has engaged enemy combatants, terrorists, narco smugglers, and human traffickers. His personal war stories include performing humanitarian operations over Bangladesh, being deployed to Afghanistan, and a near miss being cannibalized in Papua New Guinea.
His fiction and non-fiction has been praised by USA Today, The Atlantic, The New York Post, The Financial Times of London, and Publishers Weekly. The American Library Association labeled him one of the Major Horror Authors of the 21st Century. His work has also won the Bram Stoker Award, been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, and won multiple New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards. A writer of more than 26 books in multiple genres, his military supernatural series SEAL Team 666 has been optioned to be a movie starring Dwayne Johnson. His military sci fi series, which starts with Grunt Life, has been praised for its PTSD-positive depiction of soldiers at peace and at war.
Weston likes to be called a chaotic good paladin and challenges anyone to disagree. After all, no one can really stand a goody two-shoes lawful good character. They can be so annoying. It's so much more fun to be chaotic, even when you're striving to save the world. You can argue with him about this and other things online at Living Dangerously or on Facebook at Badasswriter. All content of this blog is copywrited by Weston Ochse.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Afghanistan - The Halfway Mark - 33 Things I've Learned

33 Random Things I've Learned While On Deployment to AfghanistanToday is the mid-point of my deployment to Afghanistan. I
wasn’t really counting the days until now. I could have. There are plenty of
products which enable you to do so, to include the Donut of Misery—an
excel-based donut circle which counts down every day, interminably, that does
more to remind you have how much time you have left, then how much time you
have to go. But I didn’t want to put myself through any unnecessary mental
anguish.

Tomorrow starts my countdown. I’ll start paying attention at
that point and begin making plans.

This makes 90 days in Afghanistan and 121 days away from
home.

These are some of the things I’ve learned during that time:

·My agency has some of the best training.
Learning how to drive, crash, shoot and move was not only a blast, but it made
me better able react in the event of an attack.

·There should be an IQ test for those attending
the above training so other people don’t have the experience of someone firing
at a target over your shoulder because they think it’s their turn.

·Fried Bologna sandwiches made in rural Virginia
are magnificent.

·Cedar Lodge and The Harmons were put here on
earth to nurture the hurt, wounded, and wanting.

·Driving into Kabul is more fun than a Six Flags
ride.

·The OSTs are manned with enough handsome,
muscular, tattooed young men with six figure salaries that if American women
ever found out, they’d charter their own planes to Afghanistan.

·Too many deployed persons don’t realize that if
they act like assholes they’ll get treated like assholes.

·My grandfather once told me to never be rude to
the people who do your shoes, your hair, or your clothes. This is never truer
here. And assholes wonder why they’re missing clothes in their laundry bags.
(See above)

·Mexican Food made my Indian contractors in an
Afghani mess hall is less palatable than pre-chewed Chinese food at a nursing
home.

·If you can’t lose weight while deployed, you’re
a glutton.

·Don’t brag when you’re in a war zone or you’ll
get called on it right away.

·Don’t watch the eyes. Watch the hands. If you
can’t see the hands, get ready.

·Hewlett Packard won’t believe you when you claim
you’re in Afghanistan.

·Face time is free and the best way to
communicate to a loved one or your publisher in New York.

·If you’re doing Power Yoga in the gym, people
will look at you strangely the first dozen times, then approach you meekly and
ask to be let into the secret.

·If they’re serving you fish in the mess hall and
you’re in a land locked country, it’s like playing Russian roulette with your
digestive system.

·Perspective: When you’re in a place where people
want to kill, wound, maim and mutilate you, you tend to realize what things
back home really matter, don’t matter, who matters and who doesn’t.

·It’s amazing how much someone can invest in
being angry about something when they have absolutely nothing to lose. It
establishes relevance.

·Haggling in the markets and bazaars is a
national sport and a fun game to play with prizes at the end.

·If you’re walking upstairs, make sure the asshat
in front of you doesn’t have his rifle slung over his shoulder with the barrel
pointing at your head.

·It’s cruel and unusual punishment to have a
Belgian National Day celebration with free alcoholic Belgian beer in a country
where General Order #1 precludes you from drinking alcohol.

·Never ever ever ever ever have another war in a
Muslim country (see above).

·You realize everything you are sacrificing and
find it worth spending a time in hell if only because your presence will help
the life of a soldier, sailor, airmen or marine return safely to his family.

·You can’t swing a dead raccoon by the tail at
ISAF HQ without hitting a General Officer.

·If you hit a General Office with a dead raccoon
at ISAF HQ, there’s really nowhere to run.

·Act professional and pleasant and no matter how
bad the other person’s day is the chances are they’ll return your demeanor.

·You don’t have to know how to do something, you
just have to know how to get the answer.

·Don’t be ugly or you’ll be remembered as that
guy.

·The fourth or fifth time you’re attacked in the
early hours of the morning, you actually consider rolling over and going back
to sleep.

Weston Ochse is the author of more than twenty books, most recently the SEAL Team 666 series which has been optioned by MGM Films. He's also the author of the Grunt Life series, a military science fiction series concentrating on the lives of PTSD survivors. His first novel, Scarecrow Gods, won
the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in First Novel and his
short fiction has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize. His work has
appeared in comic books, and magazines such as Cemetery Dance and
Soldier of Fortune. He lives in the Arizona desert within rock throwing
distance of Mexico. He is a military veteran with more than 30 years of military
service and currently returned from a deployment to Afghanistan.

3 comments
:

My military maxim was close to your father's. Don't mess with the people who cook your food or cut your check (in the Navy that was Mess Cooks and Disbursement Clerks). Great thoughts, Wes. Hey...email me your snailmail addie, okay? -Mikey-