Year to date statistics on
Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security
Terrorist Plots Discovered 0

Transvestites 133

Hernias 1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172

Enlarged Prostates 8,249

Breast Implants 59,350

Natural Blondes 3

Price of gas in
France

A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings,
and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two
blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could
mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he
replied,
'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I sent
it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.

Ever wonder what radio
station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN listen
to while on the internet? Why good old Country Music, of course,
on none other than: www.countrybear.com
Click here for
genuine real country.

MISSION

The purpose of
this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so
help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I
can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You
can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you
don't read an issue you don't know what your missing.