Saturday, July 24, 2010

K Q Nacht, a leading investment bank, downgraded its assessment of the US economy from "Might Be Screwed" to "Really Screwed" with a "Does It Matter" outlook.

Global Strategy Head of K Q Nacht, Mr Jonathan Iamdone emphasized the change in the tone of the Fed Chairman in his recent testimony to the House Banging Services Committee.

"The Chairman used the term 'unusually uncertain' in describing the economic outlook, while the market consensus was for 'certainly unusual'. K Q Nacht uses a proprietary semantic parser that constructs the Policymaker Verbal Surprise Index, which shows that this phrase introduced a downward bias of 0.031% in our projections. We are accordingly downgrading our assessment of the US economy"

In other news, the messiah of funda-mental investors, Mr Darren La Carte, has reiterated that he continues to be bullish on equities. "Augmented US unemployment at 16% is very bullish for equities, as companies will have no business to conduct and will sit on a pile of cash which will be shown as perpetual net profit every year"

The Darren La Carte of India, Mr Mahesh Rattlewala, echoes similar sentiments. "I think India is decoupled from the rest of the world. Banks are able raise foreign money at 500 bps over LIBOR. Of course, they may not be able to lend to anyone at those rates, but atleast they are able to raise."

Petrified Bank of India Governor, E Shaamkolao reiterated that Indian food price inflation would come down and hence there was no need for monetary tightening. "Potatoes, from current prices of Rs 105 / kg, will start costing Rs 110 / kg - a clear reduction in food price inflation from 10% to 5%. Of course, people not being able to buy at these prices at all, is a separate trivial issue. Inflation would have come down and hence we must keep interest rates low."

Separately, the Committee of European Banging Supermisers published the results of its stress tests late yesterday night. The summary states "We do not foresee any double dip, except in chocolate..."

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Day 3:
I shiver with the bitter cold. M offers me some dry fruits. "Eat this" he says. "The mountains are treacherous. Many a brave man has lost his soul fighting the harsh winds"

Day 6:

"You will dress up like them. Jeans, t-shirts, sports shoes. Nothing out of the ordinary. Is that understood?" N interrupts "Sir, can we get to see Deepika Padukone once?" M breaks into a crooked smile. "You will see her eventually anyway..."

Day 8:

"Q got killed. Someone blew his cover. The police didn't think he had any important information. So they made it look like an encounter.We need to be careful. Don't go about wandering too much" For the first time, M looks afraid.

Day 11:

"Is everyone clear? P enters through the north overbridge. S will be on platform 2. K will be standing at the entrance with the bag. Once the fast train reaches at 8:56 AM, K will enter" M looks at me "K, you will need to be really careful with the bag. It should not shake too much before time."

Day 12:

"Look at that couple in the corner there. How shamelessly they are at it." P looks at me with a grin. The breeze on the pomenade is soothing. "No girl would have ever fallen for you" I tease him. "You never know" P says "There is still some time left"

Day 13:

The pigeons flutter about the beautiful building. Sunlight streams in through the windows. Slowly, the empty platforms start filling. With people. The people who are always in a hurry to get somewhere. The people who think it all really matters. The people who don't realise it's ultimately the dark alley in which all our paths must meet.