compassion

A variety of personal, professional and educational situations have presented themselves recently that have prompted me to explore and reflect on my values.

Perhaps influenced by the current state of the world (or any number of other factors in my life at the moment), the value I seem most drawn to is love. After some coaching and reflection, I am able to say that I see love as the most foundational value upon which my values system is built.

Within a workplace context, I value leading with the heart and strongly believe that we should be able to bring our whole selves and whole hearts to work. I think work should be a place where is it safe to be authentic, and to openly acknowledge and practice our values.

There was a time not too long ago, when I felt that I had to separate my values from my professional self. I was sure that my personal values were too ‘soft’ to be present in my work. Bringing love into the workplace might seem like a radical idea, but I realize now that it might be a way to create change and to re-frame the idea of “workplace culture”.

In the spirit of love (and Valentine’s Day), I offer five ways to improve the physical and emotional health of your heart:

1. Say Thank You

Practice gratitude by thanking others, either publicly or privately. Doing this on a regular basis can increase happiness, contentment, pride and hope. It also make us more willing to help others. [1]

2. Laugh Out Loud

Laughter is one of the oldest and most cost-effective health products on the market. It produces a wide range of both physical (pain reduction, improved cardiovascular health, better immunity) and psychological benefits (elevates mood, creates focus, reduces stress). [2]

3. Show Compassion

Practicing compassion towards ourselves is just as important as showing compassion to others. Through compassion, we learn to soften our hearts and see improvements in kindness, self-confidence and connectedness. [3]

4. Spend Time in Nature

Exposure to nature not only boosts lower blood pressure, but it also builds empathy and fosters community. [4]

5. Stay Connected

Social support creates physical and emotional connection. It has also been found to be a protective factor against stress, and less stress on our hearts leads to healthier lives! [5]

This month, I invite you to imagine what it would be like if we worked from our hearts. Wishing you a February full of love, warmth and happiness.

Welcome back! The familiar September hum, indicative of the start of another academic year, is all around us and faculty, staff and students are as busy as ever. In particular, for those of our colleagues working in front-facing, advising or instructional roles, this time of year can be challenging as they are often required to put the needs and priorities of others well ahead of their own.

Our dedicated, passionate and enthusiastic staff and faculty are a huge part of what makes our UBC communities so unique, and in order to ensure that we remain at the top of our game for others, we must not forget ourselves.

Have you taken a lunch break this week? When was the last time that you stood up from your desk and stretched? Did you drink any water yesterday? Have you socialized with colleagues today?

The truth about caring for others is that it can leave us feeling amazing and exhausted. We can feel positive, proud, fulfilled and rewarded, yet experience anxiety, fear, resentment and frustration at the same time. These emotions are natural and even have names [1]:

Burnout: Gradual mental and/or physical feelings of detachment, exhaustion and negative feelings associated with frustrations or a perceived inability to make a difference

Compassion Satisfaction: Positive emotions and satisfaction received from helping others

Compassion Fatigue: State of burnout or exhaustion as a result of prolonged compassion stress

When our roles are so tightly tied to the successes and achievements of others, it can be challenging to remember to care for ourselves. To be the most effective and successful in our work, we need to continually maintain our vitality and resilience. [2]

So how do we find the time to look after ourselves and recharge in meaningful ways? The key is to find small, manageable and affordable things that can be done on a daily basis to promote renewal while reducing immediate stress. A note of caution: we run the risk of setting lofty self-care goals that may not be realistic or attainable. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure or make it easy to send goals to the bottom of the to-do list.

Example:

This month I invite you to consider your own needs along with those of the people that you are working for and working with. Reflect on what you do for your own self-care and try to find ways to incorporate these things into each day.

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with celiac disease. Although she was not experiencing any symptoms, she was tested based on the diagnosis of a close relative. The results came back positive – and from that point on she has had to make significant changes to her life.

Even if someone is not experiencing physical symptoms, celiac disease can damage the intestinal lining, which increases the risk of future health problems. According to the Canadian Celiac Association, treating the disease requires a “strict adherence to a GLUTEN FREE DIET FOR LIFE.” Their website literally spells it out in ALL CAPS.

Before my friend’s diagnosis, I had an idea of what a gluten free diet looked like: avoid bread and pasta, order bun-less burgers and use a substitute for wheat-based flour when baking. I was very wrong. Over the last few months, I have learned so much about the challenges of living with a food allergy or intolerance. It is not simply choosing the “GF” menu item at a restaurant.

Living gluten-free means:

having to check ingredient labels on everything from salad dressing to Tylenol,

needing a separate cutting board, knife and cooking equipment when sharing a kitchen with gluten eaters,

bringing your own pre-prepared food to parties and dinners with friends, and

being the only person with nothing but water in front of them when out at a restaurant.

It requires a complete lifestyle overhaul that, sadly, those who don’t have food allergies will have a hard time understanding. Eating and meal preparation are communal events in many cultures, and a diagnosis like this can lead to both physical and social isolation.

Research shows that rates of depression are more common in adults diagnosed with celiac disease and that these rates are similar to those of people living with other chronic physical illnesses. Food sensitivities or allergies in general are associated with higher levels of psychological distress (including depression and anxiety) in both children and adults.

Through my friend’s diagnosis, I have learned to be more tolerant, and I have learned to be more patient and empathetic. I have a greater understanding of just how tough it is to maintain a specialized diet – it’s a lifestyle commitment that requires tremendous dedication, strength and vigilance. One I doubt that I would have the strength for.

In honour of Nutrition Month, and in a spirit of humanity and understanding, I invite you to be kind to those around you living with food allergies. We exist in a world that is not typically designed to make their lives easy. And since we require food for survival, these folks could probably use some thoughtful support and understanding.

Welcome to December everyone! However hectic your fall term may have been, I hope it was meaningful and filled with success. We now find ourselves getting ready to launch into another busy season, one that can sometimes be overshadowed by consumerism, gift buying and all manners of excess.

I saw a really great ad the other day that urged: “Create memories, not garbage this holiday season”. In keeping with the newsletter’s theme of spiritual health this month, I want to share a gift with you that I hope will serve as a reminder of the true meaning and spirit of this time of year. My wish is that this gift will support you in making wonderful memories with family and friends as we approach the new year.

Give yourself the gift of self- compassion

What is self-compassion? It is taking the time to treat ourselves the same way that we would treat a loved one or dear friend. It is acknowledging that we too deserve care and comfort during stressful and difficult times. It is the act of silencing our internal critic in the hope of accepting that we, like everyone else, are human and entitled to a break.

Experts believe that self-compassion involves three main actions:

Self-kindness instead of self- judgement: Accepting our imperfections with sympathy instead of shame and criticism. The more we cling to aspirations of perfection, the more we judge the end result.

Common humanity instead of isolation: Acknowledging that we may face difficult situations, and that we are not alone in this. Trials and tribulations are part of the common human experience.

Mindfulness instead of Over-identification: Ensuring that we process negative emotions in a constructive way in order to avoid reactivity and negative thought patterns.

Why is this important? I am reminded of the saying “Charity begins at home”. I believe that compassion begins within. In order to truly experience compassion and kindness for others, we must be willing to do the same for ourselves. We at UBC are fortunate to work with some of the most amazing, selfless and dedicated colleagues on this campus. If we truly want to continue supporting colleagues and serving students, we also need to be willing to go to bat for ourselves.

This holiday season I invite you to give yourself the gift of self-compassion. Cut yourself some slack. Silence that negative critic in your head and replace it with one of kindness and charity. Forgive yourself. Leave pessimistic self-talk and resentment behind and as 2016 closes, prepare to greet the New Year with fresh eyes and an open heart.

I have heard a lot of chatter over the last few months about diet detoxes and health cleanses. The New Year tends to bring with it a renewed motivation to get fit, cleanse our system and revamp our health behaviours. In January, I attended a Healthy UBC lunch-and-learn hosted by Dr. Thara Vayali, called ‘The Toxin Myth’. Dr. Vayali defined toxicity and explained the consumption and elimination methods of toxins in our bodies. In addition to listing the environmental and metabolic causes of toxicity, she included emotional causes as well. This intrigued me.

If I’m being honest, when it comes to cleanses and detoxes, emotions are not exactly a ‘sexy’ sell. We would never see a magazine add that promised “to reduce self-critical talk and reveal a stunning disposition in only 12 days!” We want to hear about miracle cures or a fast-pass to lasting health and vitality. But what good is a makeover to the physical body without at least considering how we might also care for what’s on the inside?

I had never considered how emotions could act as toxins. In reflecting on this after the presentation, I wondered why we aren’t more concerned about toxic emotions and the effects that they might have on our health. Personally I think that holding a grudge or internalizing anger would probably be more destructive to my health, than consuming the occasional dose of nitrates contained in processed foods.

This month, I will be embarking on an emotional cleanse to rid my life of negativity, judgment (of myself or others) and emotions that do not serve me in a productive way. I practice a lot of these behaviours already but in setting concrete (and very public) goals, I hope to become a happier person.

In her presentation, Dr. Vayali included five examples of how emotions can become toxic to our bodies and I have set a goal to accompany each one.

Toxicity: the degree to which something can cause harm to a living organism.

My plan:

Toxic emotions

Proposed Cleanse

Withheld emotions

Share and then let go. Share frustrations and anger with others when they arise or commit to letting them go (for good). Refuse to stew in negative emotions.

Dwelling

Look forward and not backwards. We have never been able to change the past so forgive yourself and focus on doing better next time. Dwelling might prevent you from finding an opportunity to excel.

Gossip/Judgement

Cut others some slack. We can never truly know what others are facing in their lives. Give people the space to be themselves and afford yourself the same. Judging others only provides an excuse for not improving ourselves.

Self-deprecation

Say “I’m awesome” every day. Focus on what makes you awesome. Critical self-talk, when internalized, can change the way we interact with the world. Embrace your awesome.

Digital Addiction

Turn off before bed. Having an ipad (with Netflix) and a smart phone are great, but they have drastically changed my bedtime routine and sleep habits. Books and magazines only before bed this month.

Embarking on this type of an emotional detox will not be easy. Training our brains to think and act differently will take time and practice. In the long run however, I feel that this type of cleanse has to be easier than drinking nothing but lemon water for two weeks straight, right?

This month, I invite you to reflect on how you might start to include emotions when thinking about caring for your physical health and body.

Want an easy start? Watch this Ted Talk: The Happy Secret to Better Work. In addition to being extremely funny, it provides some examples for how to tune our thinking towards the positive.

The holiday season is upon us and my levels of anxiety are rising as I write about it. Far too often, a time of year, meant to remind us about peace, compassion, love and self-reflection, can instead lead us to batten down the hatches and to prepare for the worst.

We spend our time trying to “survive” the holidays and expend our energy rushing, buying and worrying instead of savouring an opportunity to connect with loved one and to care for ourselves.

Outside of a health care setting, self-care refers to the cultivation of self, focused on nurturing our personal needs and allowing ourselves to relax, regenerate and recharge in meaningful ways.

In anticipation for this year’s season, I am already managing my anxiety levels as I think about demands on my time, things to buy, party invitations and social commitments. This month I am sharing my holiday secret with you.

I have decided that my holiday helper will be a good book.

Books open windows to the familiar, the unknown, the ugliness in the world and the beauty of the human condition. They are powerful entities that provide readers with escapism, travel, comfort, terror, laughter and a chance to understand something more, outside of ourselves.

If you have ever travelled on an airplane, you have heard the phrase, “Place the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others”. It is usually presented to half-interested airline passengers through muffled speakers, but the concept makes sense. We need to ensure that we can breathe, or else we will not be in a position to help to those in need around us. I feel that this idea translates well to love.

February is a month traditionally focused on love, hearts and romance. Rarely do we take the time to understand that in order to give and share these things with others, we must first experience them within ourselves. As a person who spends a lot of my time giving to others, this is an important reminder to look after myself if I am to be the partner, friend, colleague and family member that I want to be for others.

This month, I invite you to be your own valentine. Cherish yourself. Embrace your strengths and forgive your faults. Remind yourself of all of the great things you have to offer yourself and the world.

Putting ourselves first is not selfish but essential to our emotional survival.

10 ways to be your own valentine:

1. Treat yourself

Enjoy a personal indulgence such as a fancy coffee, your favourite TV show, a movie or a bouquet of flowers – GUILT FREE.

2. Write yourself a love letter

Research shows us that practicing personal gratitude can lead to increased levels of happiness – so write a gratitude letter about yourself, to yourself!

Legend tells us that Valentine’s Day came about when a Roman, set to be executed for his religious beliefs, sent a love letter to his jailor’s daughter, who had visited him during his confinement. It is said that he signed the letter from your Valentine, forever chiseling the phrase into history as a symbol of kindness, compassion and love. Although the truth behind the Valentine legend is murky, it does emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and – most importantly – romantic figure, and as a result has made February a month to share aforementioned kindness, compassion and love. The heart has become a central symbol of all of these.

Is this good for us?

It can feel good to be the recipient of a kind word or offer of help from a friend or colleague. Acts of kindness, compassion and love not only make the world a better place, but bestowing them on others reflects back on us – improving our mental and physical health, boosting our self-esteem, and allowing us to communicate better with others. People who perform acts of kindness would agree that it makes them feel good to be kind to others.

What the studies say

Research shows that not only can kindness, compassion and love make us feel good, but can also have significant physical and mental health benefits.

Some examples are:

Researchers from the Universities of California, San Diego, and Harvard found that when people benefit from kindness, they ‘pay it forward’ by helping others who were not originally involved. When people in the study were given money to help someone else, a domino effect occurred, causing each person’s generosity to spread to three people, then to nine people, and then to still others in subsequent waves of the experiment.

Arthur Aron, a social psychologist at Stony Brook University in New York, found that feelings of love trigger the brain’s dopamine-reward system. Dopamine is a powerful neurotransmitter that affects pleasure and motivation. It is activated in many people, for instance, by winning a lot of money or taking stimulants. Put simply he found that love invigorates us

Researchers at Harvard University showed a film about Mother Teresa’s work among the poor in Calcutta to 132 students. They then measured the levels of Immunoglobin A (an antibody that plays a critical role in immunity,) which showed markedly increased levels in all test subjects. In other words, purely witnessing compassion has the power to boost our immune system.

Practicing small acts of kindness can help you become a happier, and the boost in mood can stay with you for months, according to research from York University. More than 700 people took part in a study that charted the effects of being nice to others, in small doses, over the course of a week. Six months later, participants reported increased happiness and self-esteem.

The act of compassion triggers activity in the parts of the brain involved in pleasure and reward, according to researchers at Emory University.

Feel the glow

In the spirit of the story of Valentine’s Day, here are seven ways you can bring a warm glow to your own heart, and bring more meaning to the lives of others.

Smile more often: Something as simple as a smile can create a connection with others and leave both parties feeling happier. Smiling and saying hello to people doing their job can make all the difference in how that person views his or her profession.

Give compliments: A sincere compliment can turn a person’s world around. By making it a habit to give at least three sincere compliments a day, we can acknowledge the good in others and we can start to see the good in ourselves.

Send thank you notes: Often, we are so busy that we don’t take the time to properly thank someone who has done us a good turn. A short hand-written note can be a pleasant surprise to receive; so too can a note letting someone know how much you appreciate them.

Volunteer: By giving your time and energy to causes that you believe in, you are making a difference in the world. People who volunteer their time tend to be happier.

Practice patience. Allow someone to get in line in front of you in a checkout line or in traffic.

Give little gifts for no reason: People love to receive thoughtful gifts (whether purchased or handmade) when they aren’t expecting it. You can even give a gift to a stranger by donating items to a local charity for distribution.

Kindness on a budget. There are many ways to show kindness without breaking the bank. Leave an extra-large tip for the busy wait-staff, pay for the order of the person behind you in the drive-through, or put money into someone’s parking meter that is about expire. Giving anonymously is guaranteed to make you smile.

Start the kindness by taking care your own heart. Sign up for the 2014 Travelling Health Fair at UBC. This year’s dates are Feb. 20th in Henry Angus Room 254, and Feb. 25th in Neville Scarfe Building Room 1005, 9am – 4pm.This year will focus on Cardiovascular Health. For more information click here or call 604.827.3047. Space is limited so register early.