For Ceci on Easter

Updated on January 8, 2014

I gave every effort to my pen yesterday but it would not write. It could not find words sufficient to the task that labored at my heart. Words for Ceci, but they would not come. Like an empty glass that mocks the want of thirsty lips my pen bled dry upon the lines. The invisible words fell defeated in unwritten despair. Armed in emptiness I withered in the desert of my own inadequacy and instead, surrendered to the desperation of prayer. It is all that I can do when words fail my heart.

It is Easter. I woke this morning with last nights prayer not yet settled and found my words in the rising of an Easter sun. Watching the sun rise, I felt the arms of eternity wrap themselves around me. I felt the hand of immortality reaching down and I heard the sky resound; “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live”.

It is Easter. I hear the sky whisper in my secret places. I gather up the longing in my soul and every wound collected by my heart. I pick up the scattered pieces of my mind and the shadow of every stubborn unforgiveness still clinging to my life. I loose the chains of every hurt and pain, of every sadness uninvited that fell upon my unprotected life. I unwrap my lingering infirmities, every past and present fear, every disappointment anchored to the past. I gather up the unfulfilled dreams and expectations that wither on the vines of yesterday and collect all of my discarded hopes.

It is Easter. I stuff them into an empty pack and wait beneath the Easter sky. It swallows up the packed belongings and returns the empty pack before my feet. I reach higher wanting to follow, but instead, the sun simply settles upon my pleading face and swaddles my infant soul.

It is Easter. Even as I stand looking upward, I want more. I feel the breath of forever suddenly breathe itself into lungs too small to understand what is coming. I feel every eternal tomorrow course through my frail veins and I feel the Easter sky stretch my own mortality across the canvas of an infinite horizon. It is Easter. The promise is seeded from horizon unto horizon and rains fresh without interruption from moment to moment.

It is Easter. As I wait, I feel the private veil within tear open. I feel the stone roll from my embattled heart and I hear His promise echo deep in my inner tomb, “I am with you always, even unto forever”. The words resound within and I feel eternity part my deepest deep.

It is Easter. Even as my evening prayer for Ceci clings to the wake of day, I examine the Easter sky and I think of her, of His promises and I can not, but smile, for my love of her only pales in the light of an incomparable Easter sky. It rises, radiant, in the light of a divine and irrevocable promise.

It is Easter. Because it is, He is here, even now, in every private inner tomb whispering in this moment, in this battle, in every battle, even unto forever, the everlasting words “I am with you".

Yes Ceci; My prayer was answered long before it was ever uttered. The morning sky is seeded with His promise and it falls like fresh rain, moment by moment, whatever the battle, wherever you are.

It is Easter. The sky resounds in hope complete as I see my prayer unfold across the morning's emblazoned and infinite expanse.

Comments 17 comments

My deepest feelings about this. It's so heartfelt and self-examining and the motives so real and personal, it's hard to say anything fitting, but that your faith has been rekindled and hope revived by the meaning of Easter is a most precious experience for you and for me vicariously. As you say, Cecile has been in the light of the promises all along, and it was extended to your awareness more brightly by having shared in her tribulation which brought it to this moment and this special day.

Thank you for your naked feelings and sharing them, Alan. I've asked for prayers for Cecile, as well as sending my own.

arb 3 years ago from oregon Author

Good Morning Nellieanna, It is good to hear from you. Thank you for the kind words. It was a special day. One in which all my hopes and prayers were left where they belong. Ceci will be going home Wednesday I think and then radiation and another reconstructive surgery in 6 months.

Your prayers are coveted as are all those offered on her behalf. They are the predecessor to all miracles. Be well butterfly. I will return soon and find nourishment in friendship too long interrupted.

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS

Dear Alan, I've been bustling around getting "stuff" done & was getting into replying to comments on my most recent hub when I felt strong pull to leave that & come over here to check whether you'd replied &/or whether further developments were reported. Was so happy to see you had & that developments were! (I confess to being a bit concerned for your state of mind throughout inevitable worry about Cecile, so you must feel relief!)

I was encouraged by your "For Ceci on Easter", - rather an epiphany of revived hope & insight; not that it had lagged; but still - being 'revved up' by the experiences you had with the dawning of Easter Sunday.

I feel all the more encouraged that Cecile is getting to go home from the hospital soon to await later further treatment & reconstructive surgery. Sounds as though she's progressing fully as well as possible, - enough to leave the hospital care. Where is "home" for her now? Will she stay with you & Randi till she regains her strength?

I've no doubt that the many prayers help, though heavenly help is surely neither given or withheld on the basis of a chorus of human pleas; though they surely please and matter to Whom can and does help as He sees fit. It's in His hands & fulfills larger purposes than we always know, some of which probably preceded our births!

So now, - how encouraging it is to see Cecile's progress & improvement & to sense that IS His will for her! Prayers will continue for her & for you!

xstatic 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Beautiful thoughts for recuperation and salvation on Easter, Alan. Many good wishes for recovery for Cecile from all quarters.

arb 3 years ago from oregon Author

Hello dear Nellieanna.

Ceci is in Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. Randy is here keeping house and preparing for another 10 days of helping her recover. She has endured four months of Chemo, now the surgery and they did remove a cancerous node beneath the arm pit. We await a pathology report to identify the type.

Easter was the first time I had any inclination or desire to write. My mind and heart are elsewhere and I am afraid, it shall remain so for a little while. What I wrote Easter was given from somewhere other than anything in me and I shall leave it there. I do miss our exchanges but applying myself to any task other than here, for the moment, is impossible. My heart and mind, my energy and my concentration is anywhere but with me. My mind is busy with empty words and yet I know, "there is a season for all things under the sun". Each is glorious

given time to reveal itself. Your words of encouragement are kept in that place where all my treasures are kept, with special friends, with special moments, a place where the sun keeps them warm and where my heart brings them to my smile each and every day.

arb 3 years ago from oregon Author

Hello Jim, I appreciate your continued words of encouragement. They remain the fruit of sincere friendship. I hope to be home soon and to collect myself and resume writing. Until then please read my reply to Nellieanna to get the rest. Be well my good friend and say hello to Anne!

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS

Of course - I don't want you to even have to try to think about anything beyond what consumes your being now, as Cecile's life-battle should & would, given your caring heart.

Just know how dearly you're held in our hearts who love you. Please take care of yourself, too, OK?

It was a relief to hear more about all of it. Thank you. Hope that node is benign. Hugs and prayers.

phdast7 3 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Alan - Your Easter epiphany, realization, solace, what you will - surely did as you said - come form some place, more some one, outside your self. How hard and barren our lives would be if we were unable to hear Him.

I am staying abreast of your and Cecile's situation by reading the comments. Do not worry about any of us at all, just stay well and rest as you can. This is a very difficult and demanding time for you, for Randy, for Cecile especially. Know that we are praying and there are conversation to be shared in the future when you are home and have the time and energy. I pray blessings upon each of you. Theresa

Edlira 3 years ago

Dear Alan, I am rarely in hubpages and this for many reasons, and I must confess, I only return to read your hubs. Something about the way you write speaks to my heart, mind and feelings, moving them in ways rarely experienced before. And this hub did the same. I do not know who it is about, but I know that is dear to you, so I am sending your way prayers and healthy vibes. A big hug. Edlira

AudreyHowitt 3 years ago from California

Alan, I am so moved --although that seems a trivial statement in light of the path before you. Your piece comes from somewhere deep within the light you carry inside you. Your light, for all your pain, for all that Cecile is going through, remains a beacon. My heartfelt prayers, if that is what I can offer, to you and to your family. Be well, find peace and light.

arb 3 years ago from oregon Author

Eldira, Thank you for the very kind words. I'm sorry that you have found it necessary to avoid hub but for an occasional read. I do miss your contributions. Ceci is my sister in law and is fighting a very invasive breast cancer. I am here very little these days as we are tending to more pressing concerns. I look forward to chatting when I return. Be well my friend.

arb 3 years ago from oregon Author

Hello Audrey, I suspect that there is nothing trivial in sincerity. I suspect there is nothing trivial in Audrey and your prayers are indeed coveted. Thank you as always. Look forward to returning and catching up.

arb 3 years ago from oregon Author

Hello Theresa, Thank you for prayers, for friendship and for sparing me the tedium of explanation in a time where writing my name is burdensome. I will write soon and give an update.

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Very profound, intense and beautiful write here!

Thank you for sharing your heart.

Voted up ++++ and sharing

God bless, Faith Reaper

arb 3 years ago from oregon Author

Thank you for reading Faith Reaper! Your encouragement is held in high esteem. Thank you.

Genna East 3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Hello Alan;

My apologies in that I couldn’t comment earlier as we just returned to Boston from vacation. (Things are unbelievable here right now.)

I can feel every moment…every silent word of hope, and of longing and salvation in this extraordinarily earnest prayer. There are times when life bears down on us so hard…the mind will countenance little else. My grandmother once told me, “We suffer and endure with grace because we can.” Your prayer reminded me so much of what she said and meant, as it is very profound.

“ Yes Ceci, my prayer was answered long before it was ever uttered. The morning sky is seeded with His promise and it falls like fresh rain, moment by moment, whatever the battle, wherever you are.”

Beautiful words, Alan.

I have a lot of catching up to do after my absence. My hope and prayers are with Ceci, and with you and family as well. God bless.

arb 3 years ago from oregon Author

Your catching up Genna is weeks ahead of me. Thanks so much for reading and I will catch up. I know you too have written during my absence.