And the last two hos I ever thought would get arrested for some messy domestic shit got arrested for some messy domestic shit over the weekend. Here I was thinking that 72-year-old Paul Simon and his 48-year-old wife of 22 years Edie Brickell argue with each other by pulling out an acoustic guitar and a tambourine, and as he softly sings his side, she sways back and forth with her eyes closed before softly singing her side. Then they make up by sharing a bench quietly. But nope, these two little, bohemian birds get rowdy too. It’s always the quiet ones…

NBC Connecticut says that the police were called to Paul Simon and Edie Brickell’s home in New Canaan, CT on Saturday night after the two got into some sort of fight. After the police investigated that shit, they put them both into handcuffs and they were both charged with disorderly conduct. In a statement that was released today, the Chief of Police said they weren’t taken to the police station and they both have to show their faces in court today:

Chief of Police Leon Krolikowski said during a news briefing that this was a family dispute, which reached the level that required police to make an arrest. Simon and Brickell were not taken into custody, he said.

Simon and Brickell were married in 1992, have three children together and live in New Canaan.

The cops say it wasn’t a “domestic violence” situation, so The Difficult Brown, Emma Roberts and Sean Penn shouldn’t welcome Paul Simon or Edie Brickell into their Domestic Abuse Fight Club just yet. This is hard for me to wrap my tattered brain around, because it’s hard to believe that shit got so serious between these two meek, delicate little twigs that the cops had to be called out. Paul Simon is about as tall as Tommy Girl when Tommy Girls gets on his knees (“I can confirm this” said every member of the Scientology bathhouse), so if Edie wanted to get away from his drunken screaming, all she would have to do is go into a room and close the door. She wouldn’t even have to lock it since Paul can’t reach the knob anyway. A mess.

And I’m sure that once the police report is released, we’ll say that the first thing the responding officer asked Edie was, “But mam, did he choke you in the shallow waters?“

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