from Olga Luz

Archive for November, 2011

Sandra is one of my very best friends. We get mani/pedis together or go food shopping and trade recipes. You know, the girly girl girly things girls do because, though we are both super-duper go-getter professional women, we can still be, well…girls. We talk to each other often. Not every single day, but almost. Like when we need to wile the time away while doing dishes or sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Generally our conversations are filled with mutual admiration and affirmations. (We both are, after all, blessed with an added dosage of awesomeness.) At other times, invariably, one of us is offering a pep talk to the other after some stressful family or work-related incident. And on rare occasions, we find ourselves unusually melancholic at the very same time and in dire need of unadulterated commiseration.

Such was the case yesterday – the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. The holidays are traditionally hard for the both of us for various legitimate reasons I won’t go into. Suffice to say, life is inextricably difficult. So we each allowed each other several moments to kvetch about how we had been wronged at some point in our lives. I was reminded of a quote from one of my favorite philosophers Khalil Gibran: “I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, kindness from the unkind; yet, strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers.” I took this as an okay to, at least for one day, become a naysayer and tell the Universe “well, thank YOU very much!” in a slight, yet noticeable sarcastic tone.

So, as we worked ourselves into a grumpy, whiny, grousing frenzy, we concluded it was healthy to give in to the dark side for one day only, and thus declared Tuesday before Thanksgiving officially UNThanksgiving Day. It’s kind of like going on a gratitude diet before turkey day when you’ll undoubtedly gorge yourself with second helpings of blessings. Sandra says it’s kind of like an “appreciation laxative.” Yeah, I know. She’s so cool and wickedly funny.

We soft-launched our new campaign by testing it to a very select target audience – our Facebook friends. At first, there were some love-peace-and-granola type reassurances, like “oh, but life is good” or “some people have it much worse”… yeah, yeah. Yadda…yadda…yadda. We were determined to have a fulfilling UNThanksgiving day and no one was going to ruin it for us. Once we’ve gotten it out of the way, then and ONLY then, we will resume being thankful.

Some of the responses were comical, and others understandably somber. But ALL were truthful. Here are a few:

I am ungrateful for people who deliberately do things to make themselves unlikeable and then demand that you love them.

I am ungrateful for hot flashes, Congress and reality television.

I am ungrateful for alternate side of the street parking.

I am ungrateful for subway and postal rate hikes.

I am ungrateful for the idiots who drive in the fast lane during rush hour only to come to a complete halt as they cut off the other two lanes while merging into the George Washington Bridge entrance ramp. PUTZ!

I am ungrateful for people who claim to be your best friend, then throw you to the wolves when it suits them.

I am ungrateful for the illnesses of my loved ones.

I am ungrateful for knowing what the above feels like.

I am ungrateful for Cancer.

I am ungrateful for the upstairs neighbor who seems to be teaching Zumba classes 24/7.

In an unprecedented move, a horde of toddlers, pre-schoolers and kindergartners descended upon a neighborhood famous for its sunny days where the air is sweet. The growing movement, now known as Occupy Sesame Street (OSS), has attracted a diverse group of protesters objecting to the letters X, Y and Z.

The movement‘s biggest opposition came from the Tea Party, whose spokesperson, Malibu Barbie stated “It’s irresponsible for them to do this is alls I’m sayin’,” adding that her arms don’t bend and no one was available to pour the pretend brew into the pretend teacups.

Thus far demonstrations have been relatively peaceful according to long-time residents Bert and Ernie. However, everything was not A-OK as tensions rose when an unidentified demonstrator unwittingly went potty in what he thought was an average garbage can. The can’s occupant, Mr. Oscar the Grouch allegedly called the demonstrator a “doo-doo head” prompting the child to respond with “Am not”. According to witnesses near the scene the hairy curmudgeon replied “Are too” and the heated exchange continued for a while. It ended with Mr. the Grouch yelling “I know you are but what am I?” which caused the befuddled toddler to run away whimpering “I want my mommy.” OSS organizers filed a formal complaint citing that the incident could have been avoided had the city supplied the appropriate provisions like Porta Pottys and changing stations. Mr. the Grouch could not be reached for comment.