Questions for Dominants 13

16. Do you, or would you, have intimate vanilla relationships as well as kinky ones?

These questions seemed to go together to me, so here they are.

I have never had a relationship that truly evolved from vanilla to kinky.

My relationship with my first girlfriend was vanilla outside the bedroom, but we were kinky in the bedroom from pretty early on, early enough that I don’t remember when that wasn’t a component.

My next girlfriend was very vanilla, as was our relationship. There was no kink whatsoever, though there were certainly a lot of power struggles, too.

I have never really had a significant relationship with any other woman, not anything that could really even be called a relationship – I’ve had a few playmates that were female, but that’s uncommon, at least in terms of ones that I really enjoy.

I’ve never had a really vanilla relationship with a man, even the couple that didn’t start with kink were either so short-lived as to barely make worth counting, or at least contained some kink components.

And that rather leads to the next question. Would I have a vanilla relationship?

At this point in my life, part of the issue is, even if I did want to pursue a truly vanilla relationship, kink is such an entrenched part of my life, that would be difficult in the extreme.

My friends are mostly all kinky, my social calendar is filled with mostly kinky events.

My house is filled with kinky souvenirs – photos and flyers and books and magazines and toys and ropes on the bed.

It’s pretty hard to compartmentalize that, so if I’m going to actually talk to you, or have you in my house, or you’re going to meet any of my friends, you probably at least need a head’s up.

And the problem with a head’s up, particularly if you are giving that head’s up, you’ll pardon the pun, to a member of the male gender, they are either really fascinated by the idea that you might tie THEM up, or they’re terrified you might tie them up and they’d LIKE it, and either way, it becomes the giant elephant in the room.

It’s hard to explain that it’s so much part of who and what you are that it is, in the end, not a big deal.

It’s kind of like if you found a bizarre little enclave of straight men, men who had never seen or touched actual women, but they had heard about them and read some about them.

At least for most of us our gender is so intrinsic to what and who we are that we cannot divorce ourselves from it. Because of that, it is kind of old news, because we can’t really compare it.

If you ask me what it’s like to grow up without a father, I cannot say, because I have nothing else to compare it to.

Someone who lost a father at age 10 has an experience of both having a father and not having a father, meaning that they can compare. If you only have one experience, you cannot contrast it.

So being kinky is such a part of who I am that I don’t really want to spend that much time talking about it, but you kind of need to know it.

So, on that rather convoluted note, I think I shall call an end to this particular question.