Jan 24, 1996 The Greatest Dives In History (Duncan)
Jan 26, 1996 New Stadium Name For Derby (Garry Archer)
Feb 21, 1996 Robby Rensenbrink (R.P. Augood)
Mar 11, 1996 Top 10 new ideas by the MLS (Esinbora, Ariel Mazzarelli)
May 14, 1996 Beware of "journalists" (Stig Oppedal)
Jun 6, 1996 Top 10 reasons MLS must fail (Colin Morris)
Jun 11, 1996 Top 10 razones for the MLS to succeed (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Jun 25, 1996 Official Time-Keeping (Alan Douglas)
Jun 26, 1996 Fussballteknik (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Jun 27, 1996 Totally insane solution for this PK thing (Alan Douglas)
Aug 11, 1996 Good Riddance Europe! (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Aug 22, 1996 Blackburn fail in their bid for Batistuta (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Nov 22, 1996 A futbol calamity (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Dec 11, 1996 European Mini-States (Ariel Mazzarelli, Bruce Scott)
=============================================
From: duncan@bournemouth.net.co.uk. (Duncan)
Subject: The Greatest Dives in History
Date: Jan 24, 1996
David Ginola has brought a new elegance to the art of the dive, but
who can forget these other classic dives of yesteryear.
1. Rudi Voller W.Germany V Argentina World Cup Final 1990
The game deadlocked with five minutes to go. Voller, taking
his lead from Klinsmann's earlier dive to get Monzon sent-off, goes
arse over tit. Brehme's penalty wins the World Cup.
2. Gary Lineker England v Cameroon World Cup Quarter-Final 1990
England's golden boy sullies his reputation with a blatant
dive to gain an equalizing penalty with 8 minutes remaining. Strangely
enough, the referee is the same as in the game above.
3. Bernd Holzenbein W.Germany v Holland World Cup Final 1974
More classic action from the Germans. Holzenbein weaves his
way around the entire Dutch defence before going down like he's just
been shot from the stands. English referee Jack Taylor gives the
penalty as recompense for earlier correctly giving a penalty to the
away side.
4. Juergen Klinsmann Monaco v Milan Champions League Semi-Final 1994
We had to have one from the maestro himself. So many to
choose from but this one in particular stands out as it lead to
Costacurta's dismissal and suspension from the Final.
5. Gordon Watson Sheff Wed v Leeds 1992
The unknown Watson is drafted in at the last minute after an
injury crises at Wednesday. Leeds quickly go 2 goals up so Watson
attempts a dive. Even Watson is embarrassed when the ref gives the
penalty and spends the rest of the match avoiding the ball for fear of
reprisals. Leeds win 6-1.
6. Ian Rush Liverpool v Watford FACup Quarter-Final 1986.
Liverpool are set on the way to the double thanks to a
blatant dive from a man who should know better. Watford had lead from
a John Barnes goal, later responsible for a few successful dives of
his own in front of the Kop.
6 great dives, and all of them successful. The art of the
diver, past and present.
===================================
From: archer@hsi.com (Garry Archer)
To: derby-list@ecafe.org (RamsNet)
Subject: New Stadium Names.
Date: Fri, 26 Jan 1996 12:48:26 -0500
The Baseball Ground -- as most of you know by now was originally
a field where, of all sports in England, baseball was played.
It's a famous old ground -- or stadium, if you like -- but, if the
Rams build another and move out, the new ground should be called
something else. After all, wouldn't the old Baseball Ground still
be around, or are there plans to tear it down? It could be a useful
ground to somebody still, couldn't it?
I would prefer to name the new ground after either it's location,
like most grounds, or after a person either associated with the
club in the past, or a person well-reknown for their Derbyshire
associativity.
Perhaps something more romantic -- I've always liked the name of
Benfica's ground. Estadio da Luz -- "Stadium of Light."
Or take the name of one of the most famous stadiums in the world
as an example: Now commonly know simply as "the Maracana" located
in the Aldeia Campista section of Rio de Janeiro.
The stadium was built, and is still owned, by the city and it's original
name was the "Estadio Municipal, o Maracana." Today, it is known as
"Estadio Mario Filho, o Maracana." Mario Filho was the founder of Rio's
daily sports newspaper "Jornal dos Sports" and a great promoter of The
Game in the city. "Maracana" refers to the small river that flows next
to the stadium.
The stadium, capacity 220,000 (178,000 seated, 42,000 standing) was begun
in 1948 and finally completed in 1965. Though it was immediately adopted
as Brasil's national stadium, it was originally built to replace Vasco
da Gama's grand "Estadio, Sao Januario."
Next to the stadium is the "Maracananzinho" -- "the small Maracana" --
which is an indoor arena for boxing, tennis, festivals, indoor football
and other events.
Perhaps you can see there are _great_ similarities between the City of
Derby's plans for a new site and Rio de Janeiro's, albeit on a much
smaller scale.
Using a similar naming convention, then, you could call it the "City of
Derby Stadium of Derwent" and later rename it to the "Brian Clough Stadium
of Derwent" ;-)
How about simply "Derwentside?"
======================================
From: CENRPA@leeds.ac.uk (R.P. Augood)
Subject: Rensenbrink [was Re: Johan Neeskens (2)]
Date: Feb 21, 1996
>And how about Rensenbrink?
He's gone into hiding seeing as his miss in the last minute of the 78 World
Cup Final kept the Argentine regime in place and thus paved the way for the
Falklands War which killed hundreds of men and kept Thatcher in power. This
of course led to a divided and mortally wounded British Society ravaged by
crime, drugs, unemployment and under-education. This has had serious
implications for proposed European Political and Monetary Union and there
are those that are saying that unless we sort something out then a European
War is inevitable.
And it's all that bastard Rensenbrink's fault.
=====================================
Subject: Top 10 new ideas by the MLS.
From: esinbora@aol.com (ESINBORA)
Date: Mar 11, 1996
10. New version for less active soccer players "flag-soccer"
9. Instead of paying the players to play for you, actually make them pay
to play on your team.
8. Band at half-time
7. Each team must use their 4 international players for overaged, fat
has-beens that really never proved themselves in the international game
(wait that might already be a rule.)
6. 2 point conversions.
5. In order to fit live games to the networks' time slots, all games will
be played at 3 in the morning.
4. Technical foul for double dribbling.
3. Cheerleaders at all home games
2. You can skip your last year of eligibility in college to join the
draft.
And the number one new idea by the MLS ladies and gentlemen.....
1.Superbowl at the end of the season.
....perhaps a little comedy will wake those bastards up.
IF AIN'T BROKE DON'T FIX IT.
----------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Top 10 new ideas by the MLS.
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: Mar 12, 1996
esinbora@aol.com (ESINBORA) wrote:
[btw this is the first good post from aol that I've seen this month. Things
are looking up.]
>10. New version for less active soccer players "flag-soccer"
This consists of giving each player (except for the goalie) a belt with
patches of velcro to which long triangular plastic flags are attached. When a
player has the ball, an opponent can stroll up and yank away one of the flags
and throw it on the ground. The player missing the flag cannot touch the ball,
and must recover his flag and put it back on.
>9. Instead of paying the players to play for you, actually make them pay
>to play on your team.
This is in spirit with that other innovation, "charge fans for tickets without
telling them where they'll be sitting or who will be playing".
>8. Band at half-time
I think they stole this idea from the Mexicans.
>7. Each team must use their 4 international players for overaged, fat
>has-beens that really never prooved themselves in the international game
>(wait that might already be a rule.)
A counterexample would be Hugo Sanchez (he is not fat).
>6. 2 point conversions.
Once again, you forget to state the whole rule. A team gets 2 points if it
successfully converts the "shootout" portion of the goal.
>5. In order to fit live games to the networks' time slots, all games will
>be played at 3 in the morning.
This would only be necessary if any tv networks knew anything about futbol.
>4. Technical foul for double dribbling.
That explains why I never see anybody@usa do this.
>3. Cheerleaders at all home games
They stole this idea from the Brasucas.
>2. You can skip your last year of eligibility in college to join the
>draft.
A leftover from the Vietnam War era.
>And the number one new idea by the MLS ladies and gentlemen.....
>1.Superbowl at the end of the season.
You mean they'll have commercial game interruptions?
If it was up to ESPigN, that would be the case of course. To see that, you
need not look any further than their current Formula 1 coverage, or their
futbol coverage before our animosity towards that little practice of theirs
was made clear.
=========================================
From: Stig Oppedal
Subject: 1. Brush your teeth. 2. Look both ways before crossing the street. 3. Beware of "journalists".
Date: Tue, 14 May 96
If you look like a duck, talk like a duck, act like a duck, and hang around
with ducks, you are not neccessarily a duck. It all depends on what the
media says you are.
Accepting his PWA Player of The Year award, Eric Cantona was humility and
tranquility personified. "Some of the criticism I put where it belongs... in
the toilet, for instance. Some I have tried to listen to, to become a better
player. I would like to share this award with the players, the staff, and the
fans.. we have all deserved it. It has been hard work, but what a beautiful
adventure. I would like to wish the good health of everyone in the world,
because that is the most important thing... even more than the money."
So how do you manage to portray him as this arrogant, controversial figure
that the gutter press, at least in Norway, has grown to rely on (controversy
= interest = money)?
Easy.
NRK-TV demonstrated the perennial classic, "the strategic cut". After first
giving him the entire "controversial figure" build-up, they then show him
accepting the award: "Some of the criticism I put where it belongs ... in
the toilet [CUT]". The image of an unrepentant and arrogant man is thus
preserved.
Dagbladet followed up with the beloved "mis-quote" or "garbled translation".
Under the headline "-YOU ARE TOILETS", some illiterate hack quotes Cantona
as having said: "Some of you I have listened to. Others I have perceived as
toilets. That is why I crapped in them." [ I have a question about extra time.
You of course mean "injury time" or "time added on".
> why is it that the players and fans are not made aware of the
> amount of time added at the discretion of the referee? I
> imagine that the game evolved in this way, but I'm curious as
> to why and how. Is there a good reason to keep the knowledge of
> the extra time remaining from the players and fans?
IMHO, the better question is, at what point in the development of
spectator sports was it felt necessary to display the official time to
the public in the first place. I'm sure the early days of soccer
predate this development, so it's not that soccer avoided telling
people exactly how much time is left. It just wasn't something that
was felt necessary.
So why the heck did it ever become necessary? What's the big deal
with knowing exactly how much time is left in a game? Is there
something terribly important that has to happen immediately after the
game that people need to plan for?
When you think about it, not knowing how much time is left in an event
is very common. When you here a song on the radio for the first you
don't know exactly when it's going to end. Does that bother you? The
DJ's know when it will end, so do you feel that they're keeping this
knowledge from you? The same things could be said of speeches, plays,
concerts, pretty much all types of live performances in fact. Nobody
expects to see a big countdown clock at the ballet, or a digital
readout at the symphony telling you how many bars of music are left.
Things end when they end. As long as you have a rough idea when,
you're fine.
And guess what? Even in sports where they do display the official
time on a scoreboard clock, it really doesn't tell you how much longer
the game is going to last. If I'm at a hockey, football or basketball
game and there's 9 seconds left on the clock, does that mean the game
will end in 9 seconds? No way. The play could be stopped or a
timeout called -- the game may not end for several more minutes. I've
seen NHL games where the clock was stopped with 0.1 seconds left. And
in basketball or football the game doesn't even officially end when
the clock hits 0.0!
So a scoreboard clock really won't tell you when a game is going to
end. All it can tell you is when the game *won't* end, and just how
the heck is that important?
So does all that answer your question? Hmmm, no I guess it doesn't.
Oh well, to make up for that, I have a special treat in store for all
the countdown clock aficionados. That's right, a countdown of how
many lines are left in this message because I know it must be really
bothering you all not knowing. Won't this be exciting? Just like the
end of an NHL/NBA/NFL/MLS game. And you can all count along too!
WOOO HEEE! I'll start it right after my sig...
Cheers,
Alan Douglas Every time I come here, I get
Soccer guy this strange sense of deja-vu.
TEN
NINE (is this great or what?)
EIGHT
SEVEN
SIX (oh I can see why this is so popular)
FIVE
FOUR (I can hardly stand it)
THREE
TWO (what drama, what rapture!)
ONE
ZERO!!! (gasp gasp -- too much for me :-)
============================================
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject: Fussballteknik
Date: June 26, 1996
Blake Krass (bkrass@onr.com) wrote:
> jammiran@nickel.laurentian.ca writes:
>>As far as Klinsman and the many other Germans who have been injured...Well
>>when you live by the sword...be prepared to die from it.
>The only surprise to me is that Juergen's injury apparently occurred during
>play -- I more figured maybe he'd break a wrist while taking a spectacular
>dive. (Then again, he's gotten so much practice at diving, he knows how to
>land I suppose.)
The observant RSSer will notice the bulge on the German star's back, right on
the numbers. That is the latest product of High Precision Deutschengineering,
the amazing
Jurgenschute (tm)
guaranteed to soften even a red-card landing, under all wind conditions--even
the stillness that follows a silent whistle.
For the defensive-minded RSSer, the latest development from High Precision
Deutschengineering is the incisive
Kohlerspiken
a revolutionary development in steel stud propulsion. With customary fine
finishing and rapid thrust-withdraw mechanism, the Kohlerspiken is guaranteed
to go unnoticed by UEFA officials.
And if you are a goalkeeper, do not worry, High Precision Deutschengineering
has also brought for you, as featured in the movie "Rollerball", the stunning
Schumigloven
for those difficult moments in the game when the goal must be defended from
one and all invaders.
To receive a full-color catalogue, please contact
HPDe
c/o Fair Play Fussball
11 Kaputtopponentstrasse
Muenchen, Deutschland
==================================================
From: Alan_Douglas@mindlink.bc.ca (Alan Douglas)
Subject: Totally insane solution for this PK thing
Date: June 27, 1996
I think that the big problem is really 0-0 draws. If two teams
are scoreless after 90 minutes, then the chances of them finding
the net in another 30 minutes, sudden death or otherwise, is
pretty slim. Not that I'm against 0-0 draws in general, they can
sometimes be quite exciting. But in knock-out competitions they
do tend to be rather sterile and almost always lead to penalties.
The real problem to overcome here is the coaches. They're the
ones who try to dictate the style and tempo of play, and it's
their motivations that should be addressed. If a game goes to
penalties and his team wins, then the coach is a hero. If they
lose, well then they came close and you can't really blame the
coach that much because penalties are pretty much a lottery.
Penalties allow the coach to lose the game, but still maintain
his pride, reputation and job.
So I was wondering if there's a way to discourage coaches from
playing for 0-0 PK games. My solution is both drastic and
insane, but it should work... (no, we don't shoot them)
Keep the rules as they are, except for this: any team that plays
to a scoreless draw for 120 minutes in the elimination phase of a
tournament is BANNED from competing in the next edition of that
tournament. Now what coach wants to be responsible for his team
being banned from the next Euro Cup (or World Cup) because of his
negative tactics? He would surely be fired, and would have a
tough team getting a job with any other major national team. And
it's not something people will soon forget, because they'll have
4 years of being reminded of it.
Hopefully this method would be so successful in getting teams to
open up and attack, that the ban would never actually have to be
applied. It would certainly make scoreless draws an unappetizing
prospect for the coach -- a loss on penalties would make it a
total disaster, while a win would have to be considered a very
costly victory.
Ok, it'll never happen, but it's something to dream about isn't
it?
=============================================
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Subject: Re: Congrats to Nigeria from a Gaucho & Good Riddance Europe!
Date: August 11, 1996
Mark D wrote:
>Europe is still the most dominant nation in football... It has more top class teams
>than any of the other continents.
Europe is now a nation?
Hey, that's not a bad idea. Bosman+ECU = one UEFA team to play in the WC.
Hmm, you might need a Big Man to bring the continent together, a la Napoleon,
Hitler, Stalin... how about Maggie Thatcher, isn't she still twitching?
But I digress. You are trying to make a point, and I should address it.
>e.g. Germany, Italy,
Obvious choices, head and shoulders above their neighbors
>Holland,
Yeah, they won the Eurocopa once, didn't they?
>Spain,
Yeah, they won the Eurocopa once, didn't they?
>France,
Yeah, they won the Eurocopa once, didn't they?
>Portugal,
Oh oh must be a typo, these guys haven't even won the Eurocopa
>Croatia, Czech Republic, Russia,
Oh great, now you're bringing in countries that have been in FIFA for about
five minutes. At least two of them won the Eurocopa once before they split.
>England,
Yeah, they won the Eurocopa once, didn't they? OOPS.
>Sweden,
I would like to take this opportunity to say "Hola" to our RSSers@costa.rica.
Of course, I would not do justice to the fine Swedish squad if I did not
mention the brillian Lenny Johanson.
>Denmark, et al
Et al? Et tu, Albania?
OOPS Forgive me I forgot that the Danes won the Eurocopa once, although my pet
theory is that they got out of being eliminated in that tournament by
threatening their opponents with the seeds of civil war. How the Irish had the
balls to ignore their threats on the way to WC '94 is beyond me.
Ok, everything is relative, so maybe you are just assembling a list of teams
that rise a little bit above mediocrity. Let's see your choices below.
>Africa have er Nigeria and Cameroun
Er, you know what, I'm looking at the atlas and you're right, Nigeria and
Cameroun are in Africa! It's not so easy to find them, though, there are like
40 other countries there. If I apply type of scholarship I find that many of
them look like a fine bet against anybody in your list except maybe the
Germans (OOPS I just saw Algeria) or the Italians (here, your two choices
would fit fine).
Add South Africa, Zambia, and Morocco to the above just for fun. I'm sure
there are other African squads that I have not seen that would also surpass
mediocrity.
>SAmerica have Brazil and Argentina, Uruguay, Mexico
I tell you what. I'll give you back Mexico (my atlas made me do it), and I'll
take Colombia and Paraguay for now. Ecuador is roughly at the level of
England, Chile is a mystery (but no worse than Portugal), Peru has not had
good recent results but ask yourself whether you would rather see them or any
of {Norway, France, Sweden, England} in the WC (hint: NO), and Bolivia... ok,
I could use a laugh, name a UEFA squad that could take a point out of La Paz.
That leaves Venezuela, and now note that we have mentioned every single squad
in South America.
You also did not mention Asia. I would remind you that Saudi Arabia caused
every Dutch fan to deposit a big cheese in the most recent WC, and then
proceeded to score the GOLAZO of the tournament against the soporific
Belgians. When they lost to the Swedes, futbol added another entry to its long
list of injustices. The South Koreans were entertaining as well (ask Espaņa),
and we probably could have used a UEFA spot (say, Greece) for Japan and
improved the tournament.
=======================================================
Subject: Re: Blackburn fails in their bid for Batistuta
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: August 22, 1996
flares@bosshog.arts.uwo.ca (Fabian Lares) wrote:
> Fiorentina rejects Blackburn's bid for Batistuta
Just Fiore? What about Bati?
> Blackburn manager Ray Harford was hoping to sign Batistuta as a
> replacement for Alan Shearer who left the club in a record
> 15-million-pound ($23.3-million) transfer to Newcastle last month.
Yet they were only offering $15.4 mil for Bati. Just how absurd do
the English futbol executives intend to become?
I mean, it is bad enough that they are offering the equivalent of
450 good paying jobs (at 33 kquid/year) for an above-average
striker. Compared to the $100's mil that they pay for a good merger
nowadays, that is peanuts. But still, don't they have any sense of perspective
left in them?
This is Bati. You do not offer anything other than top $ to get Bati.
You can give your Golden Pelotas to whomever else strikes your
fancy, but when the moment comes to strike a deal, you pay top $,
because you are getting the best.
> "The problem in Batistuta's case was that the Fiorentina president
> told us he would get shot if he let him go," Harford told The Daily
> Telegraph newspaper.
Well good for him. Now I repeat my initial question in another guise: shot by
whom?
I don't know. Maybe I am just projecting myself on all this, but the
way I see it, if I was living with all the $ I'd ever need in Firenze,
surrounded by adoring tifosi, within walking distance of Michelangelo's David,
swimming in good caffe, within an hour or two of Venice, Pisa, Genoa, Roma,
Milan and the Alps... and somebody strolled into my villa whilst I was lazily
gazing over the Arno, sipping a glass of fine Bolla and listening to a Corelli
concerto, and told me to pack my bags for a cold cloudy place with lousy food
to play with hoofsters, because he'd just made the deal of HIS life... I don't
think that it would be possible to keep a stiff upper lip on it all.
==========================
Subject: A futbol calamity
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: Nov 22, 1996
As news of the latest brasuca protestation has surfaced
(they do not like playing in Bolivia), a ripple that many
might have missed also emanated from Rotten Al's office.
Brace yourself, for this will be a grave disappointment.
If you are standing, sit down. If you are in a roomful of
strangers, check your shout impulse.
Team USA will not play in Copa America.
Personally, I'm crushed. Sure, the brasucas may or may not
show up. So what. It's not like they are going to win the
tournament.
But Team USA! Oh where, WHERE will Copa America now be?
Fortunately, quality Socker will not be absent from our
television screens in the USA, as the MLS will continue
to play right through the tournament.
So I suppose we will have to be satisfied with the play
of Mexico and some other CONCACAF participants. Rumor has
it that if Jamaica is invited, we might lose Mexico as well,
so I plead to the CONMEBOL leaders to choose their invitations
carefully this time. We would not want some upstart to misinterpret
our generosity again.
================================================
From: bds@ipp-garching.mpg.de (Bruce Scott TOK )
Re: [T/R] San Marino Round 10
Date: December 11, 1996
Ariel Mazzarelli (mazzare@primenet.com) wrote:
> This is a joke, right? 60 square kilometers, 23,000 inhabitants, and they have a league?
> Some day I'd like to get the inside scoop about these little European countries. I know about
> some of them--Monaco is a tax dodge for those that can least afford to pay taxes (the
> multimillionaires), the Vatican is the model to which all totalitarian states aspire, but what
> about the others. Money laundering? Legalized pedophilia? Slavery? Opiate laboratories?
> Goldfinger?
> Come on, tell me more than what my atlas divulges. Why do we have : San Marino,
> Lichtenstein, Andorra, Luxembourg, Malta? What would it : take for the enterprising RSSer
> to have his own country?
The short answer is: smuggling. In the old days you smuggled things like salt, for which every
princeling had a monopoly. The princeling running the smuggling emporium thought it was a
good idea to sit outside the system... mildly inside it when there was a Holy Roman Empire
(the fake name for Germany when it included its immediate neighbors, or at least large pieces
of them), but outside when the wars of unification produced centralised states instead of a
loose patchwork of princelings. In the cases of things like Monaco or San Marino, the price of
taking it may have been judged too high, or for Andorra or Lichtenstein the princeling may
have been exceptionally good at playing his neighbors off against one another. The Vatican is a
special case, not existing until 1924 when the Italian Government made a slimy deal with the
Pope which left the latter a super-windfall of lands which he sold for cash, thereby creating one
of the most corrupt banking systems until BCCI came along. There had been a Papal States,
but these were all (except for the basilica and its immediate grounds) gobbled up by Italy in the
1860s.
Can you imagine the Champions' league if there were still 300 countries all full of German
players?