Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I believe you can and I try too.

Although I guess it does depend on your view of things. I was molested and then raped as a child. I have not and will not go into graphic detail with my children or anyone else for that matter. However I have told them I was sexually abused, explained bad touch and how NO ONE ever has the right to touch their private areas not even the Dr if they are uncomfortable we can get a nurse or another Dr. We do pretend Santa, the tooth fairy etc because they ask us to they know it is us but still enjoy leaving milk and cookies. So no I don't remind them constantly that it is pretend but they know. We don't blanket opinions as facts. If I get asked if god is real I tell the truth. I have no idea. I don't think so but grama does and that is ok. We have gone to church and they enjoy it but it confused them a bit so explained some people believe and feel like they really really know god is real and some people really believe he isn't. There is not a wrong answer there imo .

So to the best of our ability we tell the truth without giving them more information than they can process.

Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I retract my last statement on this thread. I find lying to your kids is fine. Ultimately as parents our job is to prepare our children to go out into the world. Telling them what we want because it is to frustrating to learn the whole truth ourselves and in order to protect them from the inevitable truths of the world sets them up for success as adults who will have to accept the same answers from our clergy, politicians and the media. If we told them the truth then they would expect that and demand that from society. It's better to make a person's life easy rather than true.

Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I think I can honestly say I've never lied to my kids about anything.

I've let them have their own ideas about things, and not corrected them when they were wrong...

But I've never lied to them.

I really value honesty and I hate lying. I want my kids to place a high value on it, too. I think lying to them would be setting an AWFUL example. So I try my very best to be as honest as I can with them when I discuss anything, even difficult subjects.

I'm human, so I'm sure I've made some mistakes here and there, but overall, I don't purposely give them the wrong impression of things, or tell them flat out lies.

Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AbbieJack

We lie to our children and I'm not ashamed of it. There are just certain things that children do not need to know. I don't look at it so much as lying per say . I see it more as protecting them. Ex: DS colored a picture and he asked me "Mommy is this the most beautiful picture you have ever seen?" I said "Yes, baby! If I had told the truth I would of had a crushed little boy.

I dunno, I see what you are trying to say, but I think there are ways to answer that positively WITHOUT hurting their feelings.

My kids ask that kind of stuff too, of course. I usually answer with, "That is SO BEAUTIFUL! Wow!" And a great big hug. They don't even notice that I didn't actually answer their question, they just wanted a response.

This morning my 5.5 yr old tried to make us breakfast. She brought me and DH each a pear, a carrot, a string cheese, and a yogurt. It was so sweet. But I can't eat that in the morning b/c I'm pregnant and have a finicky stomach. So I just thanked her profusely and gave her lots of hugs and appreciation, and when she looked up and me and said "Aren't you gonna eat it mama?" I honestly said, "Aw baby, I wish I could but my tummy is so upset from the new baby, I can only eat eggs in the morning. But THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

I can't think of any instance where I've felt I had no way to answer them other than to lie.

Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissidentdad

I retract my last statement on this thread. I find lying to your kids is fine. Ultimately as parents our job is to prepare our children to go out into the world. Telling them what we want because it is to frustrating to learn the whole truth ourselves and in order to protect them from the inevitable truths of the world sets them up for success as adults who will have to accept the same answers from our clergy, politicians and the media. If we told them the truth then they would expect that and demand that from society. It's better to make a person's life easy rather than true.

Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiliki

I dunno, I see what you are trying to say, but I think there are ways to answer that positively WITHOUT hurting their feelings.

My kids ask that kind of stuff too, of course. I usually answer with, "That is SO BEAUTIFUL! Wow!" And a great big hug. They don't even notice that I didn't actually answer their question, they just wanted a response.

This morning my 5.5 yr old tried to make us breakfast. She brought me and DH each a pear, a carrot, a string cheese, and a yogurt. It was so sweet. But I can't eat that in the morning b/c I'm pregnant and have a finicky stomach. So I just thanked her profusely and gave her lots of hugs and appreciation, and when she looked up and me and said "Aren't you gonna eat it mama?" I honestly said, "Aw baby, I wish I could but my tummy is so upset from the new baby, I can only eat eggs in the morning. But THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

I can't think of any instance where I've felt I had no way to answer them other than to lie.

I agree with all of this, and this is the kind of thing we try to do as well. We don't do the "white lies." IMO, they aren't white!

I retract my last statement on this thread. I find lying to your kids is fine. Ultimately as parents our job is to prepare our children to go out into the world. Telling them what we want because it is to frustrating to learn the whole truth ourselves and in order to protect them from the inevitable truths of the world sets them up for success as adults who will have to accept the same answers from our clergy, politicians and the media. If we told them the truth then they would expect that and demand that from society. It's better to make a person's life easy rather than true.

I appreciate a different perspective on the topic! And I see what you're saying. But I totally disagree. I think the change that needs to happen in society isn't going to start anywhere other then in homes. I expect more out of myself and my kids than I do from "people in general" and I want my kids to do the same. I want my kids to have a vision and expectation of seeing integrity in people. Sometimes they will be disappointed, but sometimes it will cause people to rise to the expectation. Either way, I don't think it will damage them to believe that people are capable of more.

I dunno, I see what you are trying to say, but I think there are ways to answer that positively WITHOUT hurting their feelings.

My kids ask that kind of stuff too, of course. I usually answer with, "That is SO BEAUTIFUL! Wow!" And a great big hug. They don't even notice that I didn't actually answer their question, they just wanted a response.

This morning my 5.5 yr old tried to make us breakfast. She brought me and DH each a pear, a carrot, a string cheese, and a yogurt. It was so sweet. But I can't eat that in the morning b/c I'm pregnant and have a finicky stomach. So I just thanked her profusely and gave her lots of hugs and appreciation, and when she looked up and me and said "Aren't you gonna eat it mama?" I honestly said, "Aw baby, I wish I could but my tummy is so upset from the new baby, I can only eat eggs in the morning. But THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

I can't think of any instance where I've felt I had no way to answer them other than to lie.