Holiday updates from former letter writers

I appreciate all the support and never looked back. I know I made the right move. It was about self-respect.

You see, that relationship was the first superstar I met after a terribly toxic relationship. I went to a lot of therapy. Since I wrote, I stopped online dating altogether. In a way, I'm doing my own experiment to see if I can meet someone in the real world. It's been slow going, I'll admit.

At this point I've noticed there are three acquaintances in my life I feel attracted to. I'm wondering if you have advice to help me get past step one with any one if them. In the past I would go out with my friends who are more outgoing to nudge me along, but they've all moved on. So I'm going it alone.

If I wind up alone that's OK, but I really wish I'd meet a better someone to grow old with.

I think that at the time, I knew that I was handling things the right way and just needed some validation. Your advice helped me to continue to be OK with the lack of clarity.

I'm very happy to report that nearly a year later, he and I are in an exclusive and loving relationship. It definitely has taken time and patience to allow him to get adjusted to his new life. His ex moved out very soon after I wrote the letter, and I know for a fact that they were 100 percent broken up as he said they were (some of your readers assumed otherwise...). After this, it took another few months for us to begin dating exclusively.

I eventually shared the letter with him, and it gave him pause to think about how those months had been for me. He was definitely miffed at some of the assumptions that people made about his situation, but it was a great way for us to have an open conversation about our feelings and relationship.

In retrospect, having this time to slowly get to know him was exactly what I needed. Thank you for giving me an outlet to take stock of a complex situation when things were still very much in the air.

* My wife & I had a heated argument the day after I submitted my letter. During this argument, I reiterated to her the reasons why I've felt unhappy in our marriage the last two years.
* In my letter I never mentioned the reasons why I've been unhappy in my marriage; it's centered around:
1) My wife's job change two years ago. This job change has had adverse impact on our finances and her daily routines/habits. Her focus on her job has also come at the expense of her health (significant weight gain, anxiety and stress issues) and diminished her ability to focus on our marriage. She hasn't made any effort to seek new job/career opportunities despite reiterating she's not happy with her work and feels a change is necessary.
2) Us moving into a new home earlier this year, to which we were not in agreement about. She wanted to move, whereas I felt we were fine staying in our previous home.
* My wife asked if I want a divorce, to which I suggested marriage counseling and that if it didn't work, then I think divorce would be a last resort.
* My wife is hesitant about counseling and feels she and I should work through our issues without professional help. I disagree and am contemplating going to individual counseling.
* My coworker asked if, going forward, we could limit our interactions to work-related items. I apologized to her for the situation I created and told her I'd fully oblige.

Clearly a lot is going through my mind. My priority is now focused on trying to work through the issues in my marriage to determine if they can be resolved.

Sincerely,
- Distracted

If you're a former letter writer and want to send your own update, email it to meredith.goldstein@globe.com with "update" in the subject line. Have a great weekend. - Meredith

Reader Favorites

The Book

CAN’T HELP MYSELF is Meredith’s memoir about giving advice, learning from readers, working with an ex, and moms and daughters. It’s also a story about how an online community can become another kind of family.