tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56857863155628024992019-03-21T02:08:02.282-07:00Broken Bonds, Healing HeartsOnce separated by hurt, a mother and son share their story of hope.Sheryl and son Patrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08123808332328370933noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-39558008203466979382019-02-07T14:22:00.000-08:002019-02-07T14:22:11.048-08:00Estrangements....<span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I'm still here, listening and praying for those who've sent requests. I'm just not posting much at all.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Just now, I ran across a blog that has a LOT of helpful information–<a href="https://snickers.typepad.com/estrangements/" target="_blank">Estrangements</a>.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Shut out from your grandchildren? (We have that in our family.) This website addresses that pain: <a href="http://www.grandparentsdeniedaccess.com/" target="_blank">Grandparents Denied Access</a>&nbsp;</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0997352205/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0997352205&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=sherimcgregor-20&amp;linkId=aabfb447502a3bb27607141ae2896ffc" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0997352205/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0997352205&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=sherimcgregor-20&amp;linkId=aabfb447502a3bb27607141ae2896ffc" border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="333" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wj-PLwgkV3w/XFyu_tCwWTI/AAAAAAAAAP8/mkdg41W5jnwd2_pul5jAXVnMv1jFnA8vACLcBGAs/s320/51gMgbXA-qL._SX331_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" width="212" /></a></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I haven't read this book, but it looks good....</span></span><br />Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-74504264856283952322018-03-21T08:25:00.003-07:002019-03-20T06:39:46.653-07:00Happy birthday, B.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k9PM0KrudeU/WrJ1Ntb3JiI/AAAAAAAAALI/MQP89NqUBC4Ef5znMlxLInCUNk0Tk0mXgCLcBGAs/s1600/Happy-birthday-clipart-5.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="340" data-original-width="596" height="227" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k9PM0KrudeU/WrJ1Ntb3JiI/AAAAAAAAALI/MQP89NqUBC4Ef5znMlxLInCUNk0Tk0mXgCLcBGAs/s400/Happy-birthday-clipart-5.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Happy, happy, happy, happy 18th birthday today, B. We hope you have a wonderful day! Just know we're thinking about you and wish you the very best of everything that life has to offer. We look forward so much to getting to really know you someday.&nbsp;</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">We love you!</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">HAPPY BIRTHDAY!&nbsp;</span></span></b><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m-zT48zDbc0/WrJ5WZ_HXoI/AAAAAAAAALg/ltxHr_M5P90kH9-S7d8JV5iqb5OOQYamACLcBGAs/s1600/birthday-cake-clip-art-7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="293" data-original-width="400" height="234" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m-zT48zDbc0/WrJ5WZ_HXoI/AAAAAAAAALg/ltxHr_M5P90kH9-S7d8JV5iqb5OOQYamACLcBGAs/s320/birthday-cake-clip-art-7.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">&nbsp;<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>May 27, 2018 UPDATE–</b>Just so you know, M. and I watched your graduation live-streamed at her house. We're so proud of all your achievements so far. We're waiting for the day when you reach out to us. You're 18 now. The decision is yours.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>February 7, 2019</b>–You turn 19 next month. Still no attempt from you to contact us or M. either. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth even sending a note to you via this way. Mail I sent to you in the past was never acknowledged. </span><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">At least I've tried through the years. Maybe someday, we'll hear from you. Someday...........</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>March 20, 2019</b>–Happy 19th birthday today. I hope you have a great day. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.</span></span></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-65880891971363697942017-11-22T08:51:00.001-08:002017-11-22T08:53:15.086-08:00Getting through the holidays.....<span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif; font-size: large;">Prayer requests from hurting hearts continue to come to this blog. Estrangement affects so many families across our nation. It's rampant! If you're here, reading these posts, then you're one of thousands who know first hand. And I'm so sorry for your pain. I truly am. After awhile, you just want to give up, right? Why try to mend the broken relationships in your life when the other side cold shoulders you? You're stuck. Helpless. Not in control. Hurting, hurting, hurting.</span><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b_L7CCgR3ik/WhWqla4EG9I/AAAAAAAAAK0/4F6QkfMlALI3hjkJj2l5asPnJy0e7a2zwCEwYBhgL/s1600/DSCN1300.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="714" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b_L7CCgR3ik/WhWqla4EG9I/AAAAAAAAAK0/4F6QkfMlALI3hjkJj2l5asPnJy0e7a2zwCEwYBhgL/s320/DSCN1300.JPG" width="142" /></a></div><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif; font-size: large;">Since the holidays are fast approaching, I searched the Internet for helpful advice. Instead, I found this essay written by a man who shut out his family for 17 years, then came back. The lessons that Bob Brody learned could help so many others who stubbornly turn their backs on family.....</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">"<a href="https://www.newsday.com/opinion/oped/a-family-estrangement-is-foolishly-prolonged-1.11164719" target="_blank">A family estrangement is foolishly prolonged</a>."</span></span></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-39816620656665120222017-03-21T06:46:00.001-07:002018-02-12T11:42:04.033-08:00Happy birthday, B.!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8jK-PlFQeYE/WNEupjh4r2I/AAAAAAAAAKM/uA61s9TAgJsdvW-JYlGZhTVxg9UVH1GRwCLcB/s640/CCI21032017.jpg" width="396" /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I'm hoping and praying that someday you'll reach out to us, B. For now, at least you'll know that I was thinking of you on your special day. We love you so much!</span></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-34324044571103132592017-01-12T11:53:00.003-08:002017-08-16T07:06:23.346-07:00Advice to a hurting mom<b><i><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Any advice for a mom who's been divorced for three years and her 22-year-old son won't speak to her?&nbsp;</span></span></i></b><br /><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">–babygirl via email January 6</span></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dear Babygirl:</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My heart goes out to you! You're in a dark, painful place. I am so <i>very</i> sorry that your son has chosen to shut you out of his life, </span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">the woman who has nurtured and loved him since his very first breath</span></span>. I suspect he's angry because you divorced his father. As mothers, we unconditionally love our children, no matter what. It's a love from our hearts that our children won't be able to truly understand until they experience it for themselves.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;Do I have any advice? I'll try....</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Let go</b> It's hard. I know! But you must let go of your son as best you can. You can't control him. Nothing you say or do will change his mind. Only he will return to you when he's ready. And when he does re-connect, allow time for healing. It may be awkward between the two of you in the beginning until you settle into a new normal. Be patient. (Ha, easy to say, right?) </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Keep praying</b> That said, don't give up! Let go and give your son to God. Then, in Jesus' precious name, earnestly pray that God restores the relationship between you and your son (Matt. 21: 22). At the same time, also earnestly pray for God's will (Matt. 26:39). God knows our desires. But He also wants us to share them with Him. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Care for yourself</b> Find happiness wherever you can. Have fun at doing something you enjoy! Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up over the past (I'm still working on that one). Believe that you were and <b>still</b> are a good mom. If you weren't, you wouldn't feel so empty without your son in your life. Right?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Be loved</b> Surround yourself with friends and family who love you. I pray you have one close, devoted confidant (your mother or maybe new husband?) who will listen whenever you need to talk and share and unload and maybe cry. Someone who won't judge and simply just LISTEN (hugs are nice, too). We <i>all</i> need that. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Reach out</b> Do send kind and loving notes, emails, and/or texts <i>occasionally</i> to your son. Don't pressure him in any way. Just let him know that you love him. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Be thankful</b> Back when my son refused to speak to me, I'd nearly given up all hope. Then my pastor at the time said behind the pulpit that we as Christians should thank God for what He's <i>already</i> given us instead of asking for things we wanted.&nbsp;</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">From then on, as soon as I opened my eyes each morning, I started thanking God. <i>Thank you, Lord, for another day. Thank you for my parents. Thank you for my son. Thank you for my daughter. Thank you, Lord, for this home....&nbsp;</i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Not long after that, my son began to soften toward me. Babygirl, I'm not promising that your son will magically change his heart toward you if you begin each day with gratitude. But YOUR heart will begin to experience healing.&nbsp;</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is rare for me, to answer an email via a blog post. But your simple question is one that I believe many hurting parents ask every day. In His name, I pray that somehow, even in a tiny way, the words within this post bless you and other readers who need encouragement. Estrangement within families hurts. I know. I understand.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">May God bless and strengthen you and give you wisdom each and every day, babygirl. Keep me posted!&nbsp;</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">With love and prayers,&nbsp;</span></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: &quot;georgia&quot; , &quot;times new roman&quot; , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">sheryl&nbsp; </span></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-40500957592189544022016-11-21T08:44:00.003-08:002016-11-21T08:44:27.295-08:00Stand up if you're hurting<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">In church yesterday, our minister made a first-time-ever request. "Stand up if you're hurting, if you're going to be alone for Thanksgiving, if there's pain in your family," he said. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">Behind us and around us, I could sense people getting up from their seats.&nbsp;</span></span></span></span></span></span></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">"Now I'm going to ask those of you around them to get up and pray with them," Pastor Bill said. Two pews up, a woman stood up. Immediately, three women went to her side and placed their hands on her. I got up, too. So did my husband. We reached out and put our hands on those closest to us.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><i>All of us in this church could stand up,</i> I thought to myself. <i>We're all hurting in some way.... </i>Broken relationships, broken families, broken health, broken finances, broken pasts, broken hearts....</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">We are <u><b>all</b></u> broken, hurting people. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">You're hurting. That's why you're here. That's why you searched for comfort and found this blog. And I'm so sorry. If I could, I'd wrap my arms around you and hug you tight. Let you cry if you need to. Let you know that you're loved. Tell you that God loves you and that you are <b>not alone</b>. <i>&nbsp;</i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">Since this blog started in January 2011, more than 200 hurting people have contacted me and trusted me with their pain. In the beginning, I kept a prayer book, where I wrote down names and pasted stories. But I just couldn't keep up with the requests. At some point, I started the Prayer List page and then the Special Requests prayer page. When I talk to God, I ask Him to bless and guide everyone who's ever written to me, asking for prayers and even advice sometimes. You are all in my prayers and in my heart.&nbsp;</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">As for Patrick, he is home now, back from his overseas mission. Through the years, he's battled his own storms, but his faith remains strong. The scars from our shared pasts will always be a part of us, mother and son. I have so many regrets–at times the guilt washes over me and I hurt–but I can't undo the past. I am human. I am broken.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">So, yes, join me and stand up if you're hurting. Together, we will pray for one another.&nbsp;</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BJE1TysyNX0/WDMkKZvYl9I/AAAAAAAAAJs/FevnMUZrg8sFLcbUgn8me6Zp3na2FMoPwCEw/s200/broken-heart-md.png" width="200" /></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-59732928520061690572016-03-24T11:20:00.002-07:002016-05-09T17:07:11.725-07:00Our Patrick<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="397" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oXdpEfhH2bg/VvQu4HRifxI/AAAAAAAAAIg/HmYhLIDrb3oopN1RenJDvGYk8j1DIpm3Q/s400/10322743_10104002223643698_3708620618808518331_n.jpg" width="400" /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I thought you might like to see Patrick, who turns 29 next month. He's currently deployed in Northern Africa with the 22nd U.S. Naval Mobile Construction Battalion Reserve and will return to the States in late summer. We're all praying that God protects you and your men, Patrick!&nbsp; </span></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-90276418532307779992016-03-21T05:55:00.000-07:002016-03-21T05:55:31.186-07:00Happy birthday, B.!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U1kLZNlMMkM/Vu1n3LXDRqI/AAAAAAAAAIA/b6n-lrjADnoybQ7Q5Q6nsNi8U4_wIwv7g/s320/Happy-Birthday-clipart-Images.jpg" width="320" /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #45818e;"><span style="font-family: &quot;helvetica neue&quot; , &quot;arial&quot; , &quot;helvetica&quot; , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Happy birthday today, B.! I can't believe you're 16 now. I just hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day! Please know how much we all love you and wish we could be a part of your life. You're headed for great things. We're all sure of THAT!</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #45818e;"><span style="font-family: &quot;helvetica neue&quot; , &quot;arial&quot; , &quot;helvetica&quot; , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">With love and hugs,</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #45818e;"><span style="font-family: &quot;helvetica neue&quot; , &quot;arial&quot; , &quot;helvetica&quot; , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">me&nbsp;</span></span></span>&nbsp; </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bhkA30xWOwM/Vu1p8rNy5XI/AAAAAAAAAIM/7cwOxtrobnwjmMLjB6HQ8C1mGjiKe2NTQ/s320/IMG_0862.JPG" width="320" /></div><br />Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-22068838832321086372015-12-17T08:58:00.000-08:002015-12-17T08:58:33.687-08:00Heartaches at Christmas<i><span style="font-size: x-large;">Dear Sheryl:&nbsp;</span></i><br /><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">My dad and my sister haven't spoke to each other for seven months, and it's breaking our family bond. He says that she cannot enter his house anymore, and she is not welcome for the holidays. I pray that my sister will apologize and that my father will forgive her and let her spend the holidays with us. Every year, there's always a conflict going on in my family during the holiday season. I've lost hope for having a great end of the year due to my family's problems. Hopefully, God will bring our family back together, and we'll have a great bond with no arguing or issues. All I want is God to send a kind heart to my sister and dad so they can speak again and love each other with no issues. I hope, too, that my other sister doesn't bring another conflict in the house. I just want a great holiday. It's not to much to ask.</span></i><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-large;">Dear Rebecka:</span><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></i><br /><span style="font-size: x-large;">No, your heart's desire for a healed family is not too much to ask! Thank you for reaching out to me and trusting me with your heartache, Rebecka. I don't normally share letters from hurting people who find this blog. But I thought yours might help others who share similar circumstances. Christmas can be such a difficult and painful time of year, especially when families like yours (and mine, too) are fractured. Sometimes all we can do is pray for those we love and live as joyfully unto God as we can. That sounds so lame, but it's true. We are powerless to change other people.&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-large;">In answer to your letter, Rebecka, I pray in the precious name of Jesus that God touches your wounded family and that your father and sister reconcile and find peace. I also lift up all the many hurting people on this blog's Prayer List and Special Requests and ask in His Son's name that God bless and strengthen each and every one of you. My heart breaks for the multitude of broken bonds that affect so many families in our society. It seems that estrangement is becoming more and more common.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-large;">Rebecka, here's a Bible blessing that I found just for you: <b>May God, the source of hope, fill you with all joy and peace by means of your faith in Him, so that your hope fill continue to grow by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)</b></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-large;">Christmas blessings to you, dear friend. You and your family are in my prayers.</span><br /><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">With love, sheryl<b></b></span></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-72530844022886487502015-07-16T10:52:00.002-07:002015-07-16T10:52:17.113-07:00What if.........<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;">This past week, I received a letter from a hurting mother in South Africa. Her son has turned against her, and her heart is broken. Would I pray for her?&nbsp;</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083"> <i>Thank you for reaching out to me across the miles and trusting me with your pain, </i>I wrote back.<i> Yes, I will pray for you, your family, and your son. It seems that Satan is breaking up so many families these days, near and far. That's part of his plan in his war against God.&nbsp;&nbsp;</i></span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">It's true, you know. Satan <b>HATES</b> God with a mighty vengeance, and one crafty way to battle against Him is to shake and destroy the very foundation of the people who love and worship Him–the family. I have witnessed that within my own life and in the lives of those around me. I've read about the ongoing destruction in the painful stories that come in emails from wounded people, mostly women, who find this blog. I am touched, humbled, and honored every time someone reaches out to me. <i>Yes, I will pray for you, </i>I tell each one.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">If only we would restore to God.</span><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083"> As a nation. As a people.&nbsp;</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">For a moment, I'd like to play the <i>What If</i> game.&nbsp;</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083"><i>What if.</i>...</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">Men everywhere gave their hearts and lives completely to God. <i>What if </i>they put Him first in every way. <i>What if</i>, in their marriages and every facet of their lives, they lived unto God, read His Word, and led their families as true men of God. <i>What if</i> they cherished their wives, treated them gently with words of love, compassion, and understanding, no matter what, and respected them as women and human beings. <i>What if</i> they loved their wives with an unconditional love that mirrors the kind of love that God has for each of us. <i>What if</i> they </span><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">shunned the ways of the world, such as pornography, alcohol, drugs, affairs, and other temptations. <i>What if</i> they loved their children with all their hearts and raised them with firm yet gentle discipline. <i>What if</i> they set <i>the</i> example of how Godly, loving husbands, fathers, and men are to live.&nbsp;</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">Oh, yes, they'd still make mistakes. They wouldn't be perfect by any means. Their marriages would still be rocky at times. They'd be unhappy. So would their wives. But their mutual love, respect, and commitment would ward off destruction of their bond.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083"><i>If</i> that were the case, <i>if</i> men gave their hearts to God and loved their wives as God intended, then wives would feel that love and respond back. Their children would see their parents' love and feel secure within their family circle. They would grow and flourish, then transition from childhood into adulthood, and begin their own lives, choose their own mates.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">Sounds too naive, too pie-in-the-sky, right?</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">But just think about it and play <i>What If</i> with me.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">If more marriages were rooted in God's ways, then there'd be far fewer divorces AND FEWER HURTING PEOPLE WOUNDED BY THE PAIN OF SPLIT MARRIAGES.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">I speak from my own experience and from observing the pain of others I know and from those who have written to me via this blog.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">God knew what He was doing when he set out His divine guidelines for marriage in Ephesians 5:21-33.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">In my former life, I was often reminded that "wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands...." If I called myself a Christian, he'd ask me, then why didn't I abide by that commandment? But what he didn't get and didn't do was the huge part about "husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it."</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">I'm going to go out on a limb and say that <i>if</i> he'd lived his life as a <i>true</i> man of God, then I believe our marriage would have remained intact. Our children wouldn't have been deeply scarred by a divorce. Nor would we have been wounded as well.&nbsp;</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">Don't get me wrong–I definitely wasn't perfect myself.&nbsp; </span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">These are not easy words to write.&nbsp;</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">But they are true.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">My <i>What if </i>fantasizing doesn't include <i>all</i> cases of estrangement. By no means at all! There are many exceptions. Like the South African woman who wrote me this week. Her son has turned against his family's traditional ways and broken her heart by refusing to speak to her. I understand there are very different circumstances everywhere. But still, fundamentally, I stand by my <i>What if </i>thoughts.&nbsp;</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">Perhaps your thoughts are different. Or perhaps they're much the same. Either way, if you are here, reading this blog, then you are hurting in some way. And my heart goes out to you, dear friend. Please give your pain to God and ask Him for strength, wisdom and guidance. The wounds of divorce run deep and never completely go away. They ripple out and impact the coming years, though in less painful ways.</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">I am very, very happy now with my new husband, who&nbsp; loves and cherishes me as God does. My son and daughter are finding their own way and happiness in their lives. I hope and pray very much that you do, too.&nbsp; &nbsp; </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yiv7294737047yui_3_16_0_1_1436965412854_18083">&nbsp;&nbsp;<i> </i></span></span></span>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-39548727093606760202015-03-21T11:07:00.003-07:002015-03-21T11:07:33.508-07:00Dear B.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YG1nOwCjCjA/VQ2w1Ciwg8I/AAAAAAAAAHU/Waapgx8eSsQ/s1600/happy_birthday_cake.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></div><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif; font-size: x-large;">Happy birthday today! I'm thinking of you! Before noon, I tried calling your house to tell you that (we haven't spoken in such a long, long time),&nbsp; but no one answered, and I wasn't able to leave a message.</span><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif; font-size: x-large;">B., I wish so much that things were different. That we could have a relationship and build memories. Please know that there's nothing I can do to change that. I tried, and it's out of my control.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif; font-size: x-large;">In the meantime, you're growing up! You've got such a bright future ahead, B. I hear about your accomplishments now and then. Good for you! I'm so proud of you! </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif; font-size: x-large;">This is short. Maybe you'll read this. Maybe you won't. But I had to try in some kind of way to reach out. To tell you that I love you, that I think of you so often, and that I wish you a very happy, happy birthday.</span><br /><div style="text-align: right;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif; font-size: x-large;">With love, me&nbsp; </span></div></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-58554187341960637932014-12-24T10:05:00.002-08:002014-12-24T10:05:21.229-08:00A Glowing Reunion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Christmas blessings to you all. If you're here, then you're hurting, and I'm truly, truly sorry for your pain and suffering. I know. I understand. Please just know that you are not alone. God loves you, and He knows everything and more about what you're going through. Still, I know firsthand that even that divine truth cannot dull a heartache. Even when we try to let go and give our hurts completely to Him. We are human, and we hurt when those we love so deeply cut us out of their lives and toss us away like rags. Why can't they forgive and let go of their own anger long enough to allow healing? Why can't they see how precious and fragile life is and that someone we cherish can be gone in a fleeting moment?&nbsp; </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here is a Christmas story that I helped write for <i>Guideposts</i> <i>The Joys of Christmas 2014</i>. God bless you, friends, and keep you tight within His arms, today and always. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x3SGQyocEDk/VJr9HNMXzbI/AAAAAAAAAGk/A8Q8wWX5EBM/s1600/CaryPoe%2B1.jpg" height="640" width="456" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QwsHHi2X3HU/VJr9HBrI89I/AAAAAAAAAGs/ea4m_MtaBBg/s1600/CaryPoe%2B2.jpg" height="640" width="470" /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6uDuCxkZeUg/VJr9HZvEWJI/AAAAAAAAAGo/aQrMUd08vtE/s1600/CaryPoe%2B3.jpg" height="640" width="460" /></div><br />Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-14811186555404559032014-11-24T09:55:00.002-08:002014-11-24T09:55:43.072-08:00Estrangement hurts, no matter the time of year<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here comes Thanksgiving. Next comes Christmas. I've already heard some people say how much they dread the holidays. For them, what used to be a wonderful time of the year has turned into painful remembrances of family times before. I feel some of that, too. Once upon a time, my former husband, our two children, and I hosted Christmas in our home. My parents came. So did my bachelor uncle. Another uncle, his wife and their sons did, too. We shared Christmas Day dinner and presents by the tree. One year, the guys "smoked" grapevines. My son will never forget that.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">But those days are gone. Our divorce put a knife in future shared holidays. The knife went into our kids, too. Even though they're both grown, now they don't have their childhood "home" any more with both their parents there. It's Mom's house. Or Dad's house.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Add estrangement to the holidays, and it REALLY....what's a nice word?.....STINKS. Last week, I received this heart-breaking letter from a woman who found this blog. With her permission, I'm sharing it with you so you, too, can pray for her and <i>all</i> the hurting people who are separated for whatever reason from the ones they love. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16301" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Dear Sheryl;</span></b></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16296" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">I need prayer help for my entire family. My family consists of my mother, my daughter and son-in-law, six brothers, and two half-sisters.&nbsp; My siblings and I experienced </span></b><b><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">much abuse and sadness</span></b> for most of our childhood. My father passed away five years ago. My mother abandoned all of her children in the early 1980s and doesn't acknowledge any of us in any way, like we don't exist.&nbsp;</span></b></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16296" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></b></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16296" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">I have been praying for my mother for years. I want her to find peace and love. She is 74 and does not believe in God. I truly want my mother to feel love, blessings, healing, joy, and good will. I know I need much help with my prayer requests, as I cannot do this alone any more.&nbsp;</span></b></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16296" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></b></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16305" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">My entire family needs prayer, healing, forgiveness, and love. I hope you will join me in prayer to save my family members from over 30 years of hurt and pain. It's time for forgiveness and healing.</span></b></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16305" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></b></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16306" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Bless you all for helping my family. Tammie</span></b></div><div class="yiv3558347443gmail_default" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1416847752802_16307" style="font-family: georgia,serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DyyHEa8M5u4/VHNwQSLgXgI/AAAAAAAAAGU/bxeGkCkUdlY/s1600/Christmas%2B1967.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DyyHEa8M5u4/VHNwQSLgXgI/AAAAAAAAAGU/bxeGkCkUdlY/s1600/Christmas%2B1967.jpg" height="400" width="397" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My brother and me with our little cousins, Christmas 1967.</td></tr></tbody></table></span></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-22954774616671433482014-04-04T06:22:00.004-07:002014-04-04T06:22:54.433-07:00With time healing can come<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span class="null">Now and then, we receive prayer requests from hurting parents, mostly mothers, via this blog. Recently, Cindy, a mom who's contacted me numerous times about her estranged teen son, wrote me a positive update.&nbsp;</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span class="null">With her permission, I'm sharing here to give you hope: </span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span class="null">"Sheryl, I just got back from Reno, Nevada, where my son goes to school. I must say, everything you told me is true! It does change. And I am thanking the Lord everyday that my son and I have a relationship once again. I want you to know that a MOM should never give up and always have faith in the ones they love! It's hard being so far away from him, but at the same time, I am so very proud of him."</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Times,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span class="null">Praise God! Thank you so much for sharing, Cindy! </span></span></span></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-23641531123649033832014-03-12T08:25:00.000-07:002014-03-12T08:25:46.184-07:00Writing an "I'm sorry" letter<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Joshua Coleman</a> in San Francisco specializes in family estrangement issues. I get updates and info by email regularly. Now and then, I like to share what he sends out, like this recent advice on writing a "letter of amends."</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div><div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4253" style="color: black; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4297" style="line-height: 31px;">According to Dr. Coleman, the most important ingredients of a letter are:</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span></div><b id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4308"></b><br /><div class="yiv9809319442layoutArea" id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4307"><div class="yiv9809319442column" id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4306"><div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4305"><div class="yiv9809319442page" id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4304" style="color: black; text-align: justify;" title="Page 9"><div class="yiv9809319442layoutArea" id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4303"><div class="yiv9809319442column" id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4302"><ul id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4301"><b id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4308"><li id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4300"> <div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4299" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4298">Make a fearlessly honest admission of your mistakes to your child. Leave out the reasons, justifications, or any other detail that makes it sound like he or she has no right to complain. </span></span></span></span></div><div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4310" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></div></li><li id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4313"> <div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4312" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4311">Express heartfelt empathy for how your child may have felt in response to your behavior. </span></span></span></span></div><div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4314" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></div></li><li id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4317"> <div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4316" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4315">Avoid responding to your child's anger or sadness by defending yourself. There are times to provide the reasons for your behavior or choices, but not in the act of making amends.</span></span></span></span></div></li></b></ul></div></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4308"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></b></div><div class="yiv9809319442page" id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4328" title="Page 10"><div class="yiv9809319442layoutArea" id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4327"><div class="yiv9809319442column" id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4326"><ul id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4325"><b id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4308"><li style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;">Express gratitude to your child, both at the beginning and at the end of making amends, for taking the time to hear you out. </span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></div><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"></span></span></span></li><li id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4324"><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;">Let your child know that you are open to talking about this again whenever he or she wants in the future.&nbsp;</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"></span></span></span></div><div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4323" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4322">"I understand that some of you may have already tried to make amends," he says. "<span id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4321">But most of the time when people feel like they're written a good letter of amends, they&nbsp;actually haven't. Not because they didn't want to. But because it's really difficult to do!"</span></span></span></span></span></div></li></b></ul></div></div></div></div></div></div><b id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1394636960400_4308"></b>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-61610144660266928692013-09-09T07:10:00.001-07:002013-09-09T07:15:47.580-07:00Annette shares<span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Nearly two years ago, a hurting mother wrote and shared her heartache with me. Last week, she sent me a happier update. With her permission, I'm sharing her "then" and "now" letters in hopes of encouraging other hurting parents who are separated from their children....</span></span><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t7TbjphEipo/Ui3V4k9z82I/AAAAAAAAAFI/SU5TCUbvRx4/s200/annette.jpg" width="174" /></div><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span> <style><!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Cambria; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --></style><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>October 2011</b>&nbsp;</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Thank you so much for posting your honest feelings about your divorce situation and your then teenage son. Reading your story gave me so much hope for the future as currently, my relationship with my 16-year-old son has deteriorated to the point of almost no contact what so ever. </span></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />He's missed my birthday two years in a row. The last time I saw him was Mother's day 2011, but only because it's in the decree that he HAS to be with me on that weekend.&nbsp;My heart is broken. I send texts, emails, and call his cell. I rarely get a response.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />My new life away from his dad is complicated. Like most people, I've remarried (his father did. too). My husband now is thoughtful man who is funny and great but has never been married or had kids. It's an adjustment for all of us everyday as we all get used being “blended.” </span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />My 16-year-old lives with his father. I have physical custody of our 11-year-old son.&nbsp; My ex can be cruel and knows my weaknesses very well. He makes no effort to help my 16-year-old keep in touch with me. He doesn't remind him about my birthday and seems to make it a point to schedule big fun “new-family” events, like vacations to exotic places, right around the time of my birthday so both kids forget. Then he’ll play dumb, as if he's forgotten what day my birthday is.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />My mom, sister and my husband all think I need to get tougher with my ex and play the same kinds of games he does. But I don't see it that way.&nbsp;I won't use my kids the way he does or deny them mini vacations with their dad just to get back at my ex. Even though it hurts me, I am thinking of the kids. I know at least one of us HAS to be the better person. I know it's not ever going to be him so it better be me. But, of course, being the “better person'” comes with consequences–my feelings get hurt. All the time.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />This morning when I got up and saw that&nbsp;my ex had sent what seems like a million texts to my now 11-year-old son (he got him a cell phone for his birthday so my 11- year-old can call him ALL the time and knows that if I complain he can get me for blocking access to his child). I got so sad.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here I am telling my 11-year-old that he should text or call his dad, thanking him for the birthday wishes and I know that over at the other house, NONE of that ever happens on my behalf.&nbsp;I don't matter and in the best case scenario, they wish I didn't even exist. I miss my son so much.&nbsp; I am so sad.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />My 16-year-old son is a straight A student. He has lots of friends and is now involved heavily in his step-mom’s church (who, by the way, refuses to allow my kids to call her a step mom and makes them call her mom).&nbsp;He has his mother figure. It makes me wonder if I even matter anymore?</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />But reading your posts on the message board gives me a little glimmer of hope. Maybe in time he will feel close to me again and want to be part of my life. I certainly hope so.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />In the meantime, I will hope and pray for better things to come. I will try and be patient, and I will try very hard to keep hope alive in my heart. I will remember your story and hope that one day, my story with Jason will have a happy ending as well.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />Thanks so much for posting it!<br />Annette</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>September 2013</b>&nbsp;</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Just wanted to send you an update about my now 18-year-old son and I.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />On Saturday, I sent him a text, letting him know that I was thinking of him and hoped he was doing well. Since I have sent texts like this before, I wasn't expecting a reply. But I was wrong. He called me!</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />Unfortunately, I wasn't able to answer my phone, but he left me the nicest voice mail, updating me on his life and thanking me for attending graduation.&nbsp;It was so lovely to hear from him. He sounded so normal ,and it just brought me to tears. I called him back on Sunday, and we had a nice long conversation. He told me about his life now and what college he would be attending. He told me he got a job at UPS and what crazy hours he'd be working. I told him how proud I was of all that he had accomplished and what a responsible young adult he'd become.&nbsp;Overall, the conversation was just really lovely.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />I think he just needed space to heal after the divorce, which is what I gave him. There was no pressure from me to reconcile or reminders of what he owed me as my child.&nbsp;I let that all go.&nbsp;I just sent the occasional text here and there. But basically I asked God to please take over this situation. Then I let go completely. And when I did, good things happened.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />It's not all rosy yet, I am sure there will be bumps along the way and trust must be rebuilt on both sides, but it's a start.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Much love, Annette</span></span></div>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-41225393262632531332013-06-05T05:33:00.001-07:002014-11-24T10:00:05.874-08:00Dear B.<span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I haven't ever spoken about it here, but I have another broken bond in my family. I've kept it private, and I will continue to keep the details private. But this morning, I've got to get some things out.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This broken bond, like so many you all have shared with me through the years, affects a child. He's caught in the crossfire. Because the adults in his life are angry, this child is banned from communicating with family. One of them is me.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I feel so cheated.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I feel angry.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I feel hurt.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I'd always dreamed of having a special relationship with this child. He'd come spend time with me in the summer. We'd swim in the river, play some games, look for caterpillars in the yard, have a Coke float, maybe swing in the hammock and watch lightning bugs.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">That never happened.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And it never will.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">He's growing up fast.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I know because I saw photographs of him this morning.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Which triggered this hurt and anger.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">He and I are both being cheated from knowing one another.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If I could, I'd write him a letter. I'd have to keep all the adult junk out of it, of course. You know, like why he's not allowed to talk to me or come see us. Why the adults in his life are angry with me and are so selfish to keep him from knowing his family. But I'd like him to know at least how much I love him. How much I've missed having him in my life. How hard I've tried to reach out to him. How proud I am of the young man he's becoming and where he's headed in life.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I miss you, B. I love you so very, very, very much. And I hope someday, when it's your choice, you'll come see me and stay a night or two. Then together, we can sit beneath the stars, and you can share your dreams with me. Finally.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">November 24, 2014</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dear B.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I miss knowing you so much. Please know that. We all do. We should all be a part of each other's lives, but we're not. I can't change that or fix it. All I can do is watch you grow from a far. And that's on a very limited basis. When you can, please reach out to us. We love you!!!!!&nbsp; &nbsp; </span></span>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-32552581869796783212012-12-03T07:23:00.002-08:002012-12-03T07:24:30.098-08:00Longing for hope in the season of hope<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;">Longing... looking... searching... hoping...<span style="font-size: large;"> wishing...</span>. I couldn't quite decide which word to use <span style="font-size: large;">for titling this p<span style="font-size: large;">ost. Because<span style="font-size: large;"> they all fit. That's what we do <span style="font-size: large;">in an estranged re<span style="font-size: large;">lationship. Long for hope. Look for hope. Search for hope. Wish for hope. <span style="font-size: large;">Esp<span style="font-size: large;">ecially <span style="font-size: large;">during the holidays,<span style="font-size: large;"> one of the most difficult times of year.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Vicki wrote me last August<span style="font-size: large;"> and shared her <span style="font-size: large;">heart-br<span style="font-size: large;">eaking story a<span style="font-size: large;">bout being separated from her grown son and his anger and resentment toward her. She asked for prayers. Last week, she wrote me again, and I asked if I could <span style="font-size: large;">share her letter. She said yes...</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>&nbsp; <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1354541962914_610"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1354541962914_610"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1354541962914_610"><span style="font-size: large;">"</span>Dear Sheryl, </span>Thank you for posting my prayer on your prayer list for August. I have received one phone call from my son, and our conversation did not go well. My son feels that I should support him financially for all the missing years, and this broke my heart even further. He is 26 years of age and living with his father and stepmother. I have no money to give to my son, and he is fully aware of my situation. <br /><br />"As I mentioned in my previous email, my ex-husband has brainwashed my son for 23 years with anger and resentment toward me and my other son. I wanted with all my heart and soul for the marriage to work so my sons could have a family. I endured so much abuse in the marriage that I had no other possible option but to leave. <br /><br />"The holidays are coming up, and I cannot celebrate them due to all the pain and heartache of seeing my son after all these years who has grown into a bitter, angry young man who has no respect for me in any way. Sheryl, please enclose a prayer from my behalf to all the parents facing similar circumstances as myself. <br /><br />"Thank you for your understanding and, most of all, for your website in helping many parents cope with their heartbreaking stories. <br /><br />"God bless you and your family! I hope maybe one day soon my son will know the truth about me and have a beautiful, loyal, relationship like you and your wonderful son. I pray one day soon my son will see the light and understand my side of the story.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"> "I pray for all parents going through similar circumstances, especially with the holidays approaching.&nbsp; Sincerely, Vicki"</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;">Dear Vic<span style="font-size: large;">ki and all hurting parents, may God<span style="font-size: large;"> bless you and strengthen you<span style="font-size: large;"> and surround you with ministering angels in the coming days and n<span style="font-size: large;">ew year, <span style="font-size: large;">too. You are not alone in your pain, though I know that doesn't ease your hurt. <span style="font-size: large;">In His time, God can and will turn your<span style="font-size: large;"> heartache in<span style="font-size: large;">to some<span style="font-size: large;">thing good. Please <span style="font-size: large;">try to find something to smile about<span style="font-size: large;"> every day, if even for a few moments. You are special. You are loved. You are meant for good and wonderful <span style="font-size: large;">works in this life. Keep walking in Him, dear friend<span style="font-size: large;"> and friends.&nbsp;</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">With love and many prayers i<span style="font-size: large;">n <span style="font-size: large;">this Christmas season of hope, sheryl</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-57345025094799596522012-11-30T06:50:00.002-08:002012-11-30T06:50:58.571-08:00The very, very worst kind of separation<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;">Earlier this week, I received an email from Arleen, a mother who's <span style="font-size: large;">hurting deeply<span style="font-size: large;">. I cannot even begin to imag<span style="font-size: large;">ine her heartache. </span>I asked if I could share her letter, and s<span style="font-size: large;">aid yes.<span style="font-size: large;">...</span></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;">"Please pray for me, I'm deeply depressed due to death of my youngest child, Ashley," Ar<span style="font-size: large;">leen wrote. <span style="font-size: large;">"</span></span>Ashley was 21<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>years old and in her second year in college. A wonderful, beautiful child, inside and out. She died of a sudden heart attack on June 24, 2012. The last time saw her beautiful eyes was the evening before, June 23rd (she did not pass at home). After that, I never saw her again."</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;">"My heart is so broken. I have two other children and a wonderful husband and an extremely smart, wonderful, delightful three-year-old grandson. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but I miss my Ashley so very much. I know most of you are hurting because of relationship problems with your children or because they are missing. Not&nbsp;knowing where they are or if they're okay,&nbsp;I can imagine how hurtful that is, but just be thankful that they are still alive. Because once they die, it's forever. Pray that they come back to you because I know my Ashley will never come back. A mother's pain of losing one of their children has to be one of the greatest pains, a pain that I would not want to wish on anyone in the world."</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;">W<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">ords of comf<span style="font-size: large;">ort seem so inad<span style="font-size: large;">equate when someone<span style="font-size: large;">'s lost a loved one</span>.<i> If I could, I'd </i><span style="font-size: large;"><i>hug you tight and just be there</i>, I emailed<span style="font-size: large;"> Arleen.<span style="font-size: large;"> She and I have never met in person, but that doesn't matter. L</span>ike you, she's found this blog because she's in deep pain and <span style="font-size: large;">needs to reach out<span style="font-size: large;"> and share her hurt with others who understand in any ki<span style="font-size: large;">nd of way.&nbsp;</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, Ar<span style="font-size: large;">leen, we will hold your hand and pray for you and your family. <span style="font-size: large;">May God bless you and strength<span style="font-size: large;">en you and surround you with ministering angels. You are very loved!</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-31447285396950417192012-11-21T08:43:00.003-08:002012-11-21T08:43:53.932-08:00Here come the holidays. Again.<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;">I just reread my post from <a href="http://brokenbondshealinghearts.blogspot.com/2011/12/christmas-can-hurt.html" target="_blank">last December</a><span style="font-size: large;">. S</span>adly, nothing has changed on my own front. The family member I mentioned still shuts me out and refuses to at least try and heal <span style="font-size: large;">our broken relationship. And I can't do a thing to change the situation (I've tried<span style="font-size: large;">!)</span>.&nbsp;</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;">Except pray.</span></span></div><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xEWRM4H6edA/UK0Cuujr0nI/AAAAAAAAAD8/2lsoRrxMJTc/s1600/DSC_0218-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xEWRM4H6edA/UK0Cuujr0nI/AAAAAAAAAD8/2lsoRrxMJTc/s400/DSC_0218-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;">In the meantime, I just received an email from <a href="http://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Joshua Coleman,</a> an expert on estrangement. Right now, he's offering a free webinar called "Surviving the Holidays: Advice for Estranged Parents."</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;">"Holidays can be especially difficult times for estranged parents," he wrote<span style="font-size: large;"> in his email. "</span>So as a gift to my readers, I'm giving away my seminar HIGH RISK DAYS where I talk about how to handle the holidays.<span style="font-size: large;">"</span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_817" style="color: #38382f;"></span></span></span></span><div align="left" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_849" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_817" style="color: #38382f;"><div align="left" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_849" style="text-align: left;">Here's the link to the <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://attendthisevent.com/?eventid=31155231&amp;utm_source=Free+High+Risk+Days&amp;utm_campaign=3rd+Teleseminar+Invite+Estrangement+8+Nov+15+2012&amp;utm_medium=email" target="_blank">webinar</a>. And if you'd like a free study guide, go</span><span style="font-size: large;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_817" style="color: #38382f;"> <a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=0019FQoi9EfjYE9eSy8utjeu4mvB_2-39CpXV75e13maoQbejFR0DRapygPbuM9hAgtiXkxu82QqoPWnBNzvFj361RKoKc49yI2nKrRE5Ut_pFKrNcOQTWPeZlJ6EIDZexkvhENX-7Q_xh1KPtpM-CRrbydJJxRn10XKoxXJelAu61ewFaHfJTvQWyFw3XVCARASlfwGjbwLdQ=" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_852" rel="nofollow" shape="rect" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">here</a></span>.&nbsp;</span> </div></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_817" style="color: #38382f;"><div align="left" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_849" style="text-align: left;">Blessed holidays to you all. I feel like anything I say will so sound trite and meaningless. Because the pain can be so overwhelming. I<span style="font-size: large;"> understand.</span> But please do try to focus on the good in your life. As much as you can, don't d<span style="font-size: large;">well on the <span style="font-size: large;">pain.&nbsp;</span></span></div></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_817" style="color: #38382f;"><div align="left" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_849" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span></div><div align="left" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_849" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Instead, "<i>...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things</i>." (Philippians 4:8)</span></span></div></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_817" style="color: #38382f;"><div align="left" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_849" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">&nbsp;</span></span></div><div align="left" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_849" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">With love and prayers, sheryl </span></span></div></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_817" style="color: #38382f;"></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;"><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1353503163039_817" style="color: #38382f;"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif;">&nbsp;</span></span> </span>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-61880164209123291882012-11-05T05:29:00.002-08:002012-11-05T07:26:38.258-08:00A prayer chain for the holiday season<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5gofAdiXAek/UJe82_1B2YI/AAAAAAAAADs/CS3XNrNrtQ4/s1600/100_8919-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="100" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5gofAdiXAek/UJe82_1B2YI/AAAAAAAAADs/CS3XNrNrtQ4/s400/100_8919-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Recently, Ginny, a mother who's contacted me through this blog and is estranged from her two teen sons, made a loving and caring suggestion, which I thought I'd share here.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"I know the holidays are coming up and I've already began praying for my household," she wrote. "I've been studying the book of Esther, and before she went before the king to begin the request on behalf of her people (Jews), she called for a three-day fast from her people throughout the king's providence. I've thought of this before, but God has really laid it on my heart to invite other mothers to participate in a fast from November 1 through Christmas.<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>To fast something...maybe a certain time period to spend with God praying and lifting each of us up as mothers preparing for a season we probably all love but yet dread."</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Toward that goal, Ginny suggested that everyone pray at 9 p.m. "Then prayers will go around the world about every hour, like a prayer chain," she wrote.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Spe<span style="font-size: large;">ci<span style="font-size: large;">fically, "</span></span>I am asking for <b>strength</b> and <b>peace</b> for each mother as this season draws near<span style="font-size: large;">," Ginny wrote. "I<span style="font-size: large;">'m a</span></span>sking for God to soften the hearts of our children as well as their fathers. For God to break down the walls that separate us and begin a healing and restoration process. To rebuild broken bridges that NO ONE can destroy!" </span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Starting today or any day, please join Ginny, me and other hurting parents who are praying each night in preparation for the holiday season, which is very often a sad and difficult time to get through. Please share this post, too. God bless you!</span></span><br /><br />Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-60445075456013645042012-11-01T06:35:00.000-07:002012-11-26T05:33:04.157-08:00Finding someone who understands<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;">Separation hurts. Especially when the other person treats you like you're dead. And what can you do? Nothing. Except pray. And find someone else who understands your pain and heartache truly.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;">Earlier this week, Jackie, a hurting mom, emailed and asked that I post a helpful link on Broken Bonds Healing Hearts.</span><br /><br /><div style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;">"I think I found the site through you to begin with," she wrote. "In reading your Prayer wall, my heart ached for so many who have posted prayers requests. This is a great way to have others in prayer for&nbsp;each other. But honestly, I have found through this site on <a href="http://www.dailystrength.org/" target="_blank">DailyStrength</a>, that when I need support right now, it's there."</span></div><div style="background-color: transparent;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;">"People&nbsp;pray for&nbsp;each other&nbsp;openly, and there is an exchange that is&nbsp;unparalleled&nbsp;by anything else&nbsp;that I have found<span style="background-color: transparent;"> in this horrible nightmare," Jackie wrote. "</span><span style="background-color: transparent;">Everyone&nbsp;feels&nbsp;alone and needs someone to understand. Feedback&nbsp;is really all I have&nbsp;found&nbsp;that has helped me, as well as prayers, yes. But feedback is the one thing that keeps us all going."&nbsp;</span></span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent;">"Please post this link for all and make it visible on your home page so it doesn't get&nbsp;buried&nbsp;in a thread. It is so vital. People are hurting, and I really felt I needed to let you know that partnering with this site could bring relief to so many. It is a Christian site, and the only real one that is monitored continually for content and remains free of so many pitfalls of other (feedback) support sites."</span></span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"><br /></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;">Thank you, Jackie, for taking the time to share and point other hurting parents to this DailyStrength site called <a href="http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/estranged-parents-of-adult-children-seeking-peace" target="_blank">Christian Parents of Estranged Adult Children</a>.&nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;">DailyStrength has a second site, too, called <a href="http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/parents-of-estranged-adult-children" target="_blank">Parents of Estranged Adult Children Everywhere</a>.&nbsp; </span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-78082303788074361982012-08-06T14:02:00.003-07:002012-08-06T14:02:49.092-07:00What to say or not to say<div style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Last June, a hurting father contacted me by email and wondered if he could ask me a question. Sure, I agreed. A few weeks later, he wrote back.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"I have tried to not say anything negative to my kids about their mother at all," he said in his note. "This has not been true on her end. I have been encouraged by a number of people to be more open with my kids, especially the older ones (17, 14 and 11) about some of the reasons I chose to leave. I am struggling with this balance."</span></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I thought about his dilemma several days before I wrote the father back, most of which I decided to share here as a blog post.</span></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>"Basically, I've come to realize that <span style="font-style: italic;">as much as we parents long for our children to understand</span> the reasons behind our divorces, our children do NOT want to know," I told him. "From what I've observed from my own two, I think children of divorce get tired of hearing the back-and-forth between their parents, and they simply want to have their mom and dad back. In answer to your question, you're handling the situation correctly. Your former spouse isn't. And there isn't anything you can do about her. I think if I were you, I'd wait and let the kids ask questions about why you left; don't initiate. If they do, keep answers short and factual. I think the main thing is to speak as positive as you can about their mother (I know, it's hard under the circumstances). They'll respect you even more in the long run for that.<br /></span></span></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /><span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">"It's just been in the past year," I added, "that I've really tried in conversations with my grown kids to refer to my former husband (I never liked like the term 'ex'..it doesn't sound respectful to me) as 'Dad,' not 'your father.' Like 'how's Dad?' and 'What did Dad think about that?' To me, that sounds more familial, not accusatory."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">This hurting father wrote me a "thank you" back. I hope my thoughts did help in some way. Maybe in some small way they'll help someone else, too.&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">&nbsp;</span><br /><br />Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-1114808341481042642012-06-16T07:37:00.005-07:002012-06-16T07:41:50.081-07:00Articles on estrangement<span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif; font-size: large;">This past week, the <i>New York Times</i> published a story about estrangement, "<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/15/us/facebook-complicates-family-estrangements.html?ref=catherinesaintlouis&amp;utm_source=Copy+of+Copy+of+Copy+of+Copy+of+TUESDAY+DIL+SPRING+2012&amp;utm_campaign=Keep+trying%3F&amp;utm_medium=email" target="_blank">In the Facebook Era, Reminders of Loss After Families Fracture</a>." Thanks go to Dr. Joshua Coleman, who's quoted in the piece, for emailing a heads up on the article. Comments posted by readers are also thoughtful and offer more perspectives on the topic.&nbsp;&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,serif; font-size: large;">A related article, "<a href="http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/15/advice-for-the-estranged-online-and-off/?ref=us" target="_blank">Advice for the Estranged, Online and Off</a>," asks readers for their input, such as suggested books, forums and websites. </span>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685786315562802499.post-43242402555571864672012-04-28T06:38:00.001-07:002012-04-28T06:38:30.960-07:00Advice on surviving Mother's Day<div style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Every week or so, I receive emails <i>The Coleman Report</i>, which offers advice on parenting and relationships from <a href="http://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Joshua Coleman</a> in San Francisco. If you go to his website, you can find out more about the web seminars that he offers on on parental estrangement and other parenting issues.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This week, his report addressed Mother's Day, a hard day for many hurting mothers who are separated from their children:</span></div><div style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><span id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561622"><i><i></i></i></span><br /><div style="color: black; font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><i><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #4f4f4f; font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;,sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Holidays such as Mother's Day&nbsp;present special challenges for parents who have been cut off by their grown children. What should I say to my friends or co-workers when they ask about my children or grandchildren? How do I deal with memories of the past when we were still close? How do I forgive myself for whatever ways I blame myself, rightly or wrongly, for the estrangement? How do I cope with my intense feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness?The following suggestions are written with Mother's Day in mind:</span></i></i></div><div align="center" style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><i><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: red;"></span></span></i></i></div><i><i></i></i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561621"><i id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561620"><div align="center" id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561619" style="text-align: center;"><span id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561618"><i id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561617"><b id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561616">&nbsp;</b></i></span></div><div align="center" id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561619" style="text-align: center;"><span id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561618"><i id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561617"><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b><i>What do I say when people ask about my children or grandchildren?</i></b></div><b id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561616"><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">First of all, you don't owe anyone any kind of response. If you're talking to someone who you're either not close to or who doesn't know your situation, feel free to give a short, vague response and change the subject. Some people find it helpful to decide exactly what they're going to say before going to a party or anywhere else where they're likely to be asked about their children or grandchildren. If it's someone who you're close to and you don't want to talk about it, say, "Thank you for asking. Hasn't changed much and it's hard for me to talk about so I'd rather not. I'm sure you understand." If they push, I would repeat the above statement again.</div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div></b><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b><i>How do I deal with memories of the past when we were still close?</i></b></div><b id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561616"><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Positive memories of the past don't always feel positive. In fact, most estranged parents feel as tormented by the good memories as they do by the painful ones. However positive memories can be useful reminders that despite however miserably you're being treated now, and whatever your regrets, you were a good parent and no one can take that away from you.</div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div></b><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b><i>How do I forgive myself for whatever ways I blame myself, rightly or wrongly, for the estrangement?</i></b></div><b id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561616"><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">This is an ongoing struggle for many parents, especially those who believe that they deserve a lot of the blame for their child's estrangement. If you did make mistakes, and every parent does, and you have made a serious attempt at making amends, then it's time to forgive yourself and move on. Ongoing guilt and regret can be unconscious ways to punish yourself unnecessarily. Those feelings can make it hard to engage in the kinds of activities that make life meaningful such as hobbies, exercise, and time with people who love you and see you more clearly than your child does.</div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div></b><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b><i>How do I cope with my intense feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness?</i></b></div><b id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561616"><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">The most important action is to get support and not to isolate. If you haven't yet visited the <a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001ygBep-j8eM4V7cwcXcHoV9F6rZ8gSdr_uwYuLa3CsSxas3YITJR91y9ezXfdK_Ec8cWv9YPC5X7W8Cstk8mH4SZG19soVqkyLGD9UAqcmQc_OkOyOrObKsEU38JSf_GGD0_-FenA6u8=" rel="nofollow" shape="rect" target="_blank">When Parents Hurt forum</a> at my website, go there now and post something. It's a wonderful group of supportive and caring people and I am constantly touched by people's kindness and empathy. While I don't typically respond, I do read every post. And while people don't always respond to every post, most of the time they do.</div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">It's also important that you work on developing self-compassion. Psychologist Kristin Neff has a great site developed on the topic of self-compassion. You can find it at <a href="http://www.self-compassion.org/">http://www.self-compassion.org</a>.</div><div style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561615" style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1335562792561644" style="color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div></b></i></span></div></i></i></span>Sheryl Smith-Rodgershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10353589381319592903noreply@blogger.com0