You know that Indian athlete whom you thought had won the women's silver medal in the 800 meters at the Asian Games? The one you kind of have a crush on? Well, how can we put this delicately? She actually keeps her toilet seat in the locked and upright position. Um, she never saw Steel Magnolias, and doesn't intend to. Come on, she owns every "Larry the Cable Guy" CD ever produced.

An Indian runner who won a silver medal in the women's 800 meters in the Asian Games this month has failed a gender test and is expected to be stripped of the medal, according to reports Monday. Santhi Soudarajan took the gender test in Doha, Qatar, after the victory.

The medical evaluation panel usually includes a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist, and comedian Sinbad ("Women be different than men!").

We suggest testing everyone, just to be sure. This includes the official mascot. Bend over, Orry.