Everyone has a different perspective- a different outlook on life. How we all choose to interpret the world we share depends on what lens we use. Our attitudes, choices, and actions are all affected by the angle and way we look out of our own lenses. My lifelooklens varies. One lens stays true to capture all the things in my world. I take pictures of EVERYTHING. I'm glad I do and don't mind if some think my pictures and ramblings are boring. This blog is a glimpse at life through my lens...

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Mr. Speedo-man

Bless His Little
Speedo Heart!

While
vacationing in Florida, a particular gentleman graced our presence daily on the
beach. He strolled by rows of lounge chairs filled with relaxing beach bums
with an unrivaled level of confidence, wearing a tiny Speedo. His wife (or
escort, for all I know) followed behind him- a courtesy act for observers since
her trailing habit obstructed an even more revealing view of Mr. Speedo’s
exposed cheeks.

“Oh, no,” my
sister muttered sympathetically as her sunshine-induced slumber was interrupted
by our muffled giggles. In true Southern form, she continued her lament with,
“Well, bless his heart.” (Generally, for one to receive a “bless his/her/your
heart” Southern expression, one must have experienced some misfortune or
tragedy that was not self-inflicted.)

My husband
could barely contain himself as we watched the man who had instantly become a
local celebrity, solely based on his beach fashion choice of attire. Josh used
no discretion to muffle his laughter and decided that all members of our
vacation clan must be informed of this hilarious attempt of presenting oneself
gracefully by clothing one’s body in eye-catching swimwear. He had to get our
aunts’ attention before Mr. Speedo man would become aware of his growing
audience of onlookers.

“HEY…Pssssst!”
Josh leaned forward and got the attention of Kim and Renee, in what he probably
thought was the volume level of a whisper. (I’ve learned that husbands are
incapable of utilizing appropriate vocal volume levels in situations that call
for discreet and secretive communication- especially if humor is involved.)
After successfully getting their attention- and that of all other loungers
within earshot of a trumpeter, my husband pointed out what he deemed as the
most hilarious ensemble thus far on our trip. More laughter ensued from
surrounding chairs that resembled that of hyenas.

Trying to
compose myself, I reached into my sandy beach bag to ensure that my camera
would witness and capture this moment forever. Not wanting my target to startle
by making a carelessly noticeable portrait of him, I first aimed my lens at the
ocean directly in front of me. “Hurry up!” - Josh worriedly exclaimed, fearing
that my delayed camera-grab response time had already been too long. “I don’t
want him to notice me. He might get mad or embarrassed,” I said to my anxious companion.

Without
missing a beat, my sister retorted, “If he didn’t want anyone to notice, he
wouldn’t have worn that.” My aunt
chimed in, “I think the back is worse than the front. His little buttcheeks are
just hangin’ out all over the place.” My camera shook as I laughed even harder,
attempting to stay focused on my photography goal of documenting Speedo-man on
film for all eternity. I successfully preserved a historical event that took
place in Panama City, Florida that day.

My sister,
Tracie, verbally continued her thought reasoning process as she assessed the
happenings before her. “I mean, I just don’t get it,” she said. “His wife is
all covered up. Look, she’s wearing a hat and one-piece with a skirt…not to
mention, she has a cover-up over all that. What’s she doing with him?” “She
should have stopped him,” I responded as I delved into my sister’s need for an
explanation that I was unable to provide. More cameras and phones were now
pointing in the direction of the odd couple, but thankfully neither Mr. nor
Mrs. (or just Ms.- we don’t want to assume relationship status, now do we?) Speedo-man
had not become aware of his growing popularity on the shore of PCB.

As my
initial reaction of laughter subsided, I began to feel some admiration for the man
who had captured the attention of all who looked upon his pasty, exposed
façade. He was SO confident. How in the world did he carry himself without any
regard for what society may think of him? I had been debating on my own bathing
suit selection for the duration of our vacation. However, this man woke up that
morning, pulled his spandex over his man-parts (I’ll keep it clean, here), and
strolled onto the beach to soak up some sun.
I imagine that he took one last glance into his room’s full-length
mirror before heading out that day.

In my assumed
pretense of a normal day in the life of Speedo-man, he pauses and says to his mirror image, “You
look fantastic. Knock ‘em dead. Don’t let any haters get you down- they’re just
jealous.”

To summarize
one of the most shocking, hilarious moments of my vacation- I’ll conclude with
10 things I learned from this man:

1.Don’t give a sand
dollar (or insert other clever beachy expletive replacement) about what people
think of you- Be yourself.

2.People may stare at
you, but you’ll get a better tan by wearing less clothing.

3.Never hesitate to
parade in front of lots of people, holding your head high…no matter what
because you’re awesome.

4.If others who
accompany you are not dressed in similar attire, you’ll ensure that you get
more attention from people.

5.By wearing one
stylish/eye-catching accessory, you can distract from other parts of your body
that you feel less comfortable focusing on. Play up your strengths with bold
selections and wear them confidently!

6.A tight swimsuit at
the beach will prevent seaweed and kelp from entering and becoming trapped
under your garments, reducing risk of a messy post-beach-trip body cleanup.