Has your child ever felt hurt by other children at school? Has your child been teased about appearance or ability? What about being left out or excluded from a lunch group or conversation? Does your child overreact to a peer’s facial expression, comment, or action? Our children’s social world includes teasing, and how our children deal with it affects how their peers view them.

Teasing starts in elementary school where the role of victim is formed. A “victim” in this sense is defined as a child who gets tricked or teased often. This role can follow children throughout their school lives and needs to be stopped early on. I recently spoke at a Parent Teacher Association and one parent shared that her kindergarten daughter came home and cried because a peer had called her fat. Her mother became very emotional because it brought up her days of being ostracized at school. She hugged her and told her that she is beautiful and not to listen to this girl’s mean words. The teasing went on so her mom told the teacher. To intervene, the teacher had a class discussion on teasing and the students were told that teasing is not okay. However, the teasing persisted because the girl did not have the tools to stop it, and the mean words were said at recess or in the class when the teacher was with other students. The girl told the teacher every time she was being teased and she became the class tattletale. The teacher could only reprimand the teaser so much and ultimately it was ineffective. The other kids in the classroom began to see this girl as a “victim,” and they did not want to interact with her for fear of being teased themselves.

Many children who come to my office have shared that they have been teased by a child or group of children. Some of the children have embraced a “victim” role, and even when they change schools, the teaser finds them. Children who do not have the tools to respond appropriately verbally and nonverbally are easily found by the teaser. In my office, we work on making a change to get rid of this victim role. I have had the honor of seeing many children move forward in their responses, attitudes, and feelings on teasing. Once removed from the “victim” role, they can help other children by standing next to them without fear when the teaser comes their way. Imagine a world at school where children help each other stop the teaser.

Let’s empower our children to feel their strength and goodness even in the midst of a teaser. Let’s help our children take the teaser’s power away.

Have your child embrace his/her great traits to keep strong when mean words are used

Do not follow silly requests: go tell , I said . It may be a trick

Susan’s Rules

Rule #51:

Try to Ignore Others’ Annoying
Behavior.
Does your child scream "stop" when a fellow student annoys? The only behavior you can change is your own. Remember: The more I ignore, the less annoyed I will
be. “Social Rules for Kids”

Rule #77:

Don’t Be a Space Invader.
Does your child get too close to you or friends when speaking?
People do not like their personal
space invaded. Imagine a big
bubble around a person’s
whole body. I stand out of
his/her space bubble. “Social
Rules for Kids”

Rule #15:

Get To the Point.
Does your child talk on and on
using one detail leading to the next detail, leaving the listener
confused? In a conversation I need to share the important
part with a few details. Why?
So the listener will understand,
make comments, and ask
questions to keep the
conversation going. "Social
Rules for Kids"

Rule #18:

Choose Someone Who Wants to Be Friends.
Does your child know how to choose a friend? Kids can be
cliquey. They may want to talk
with just their own group. How
do you know when someone
wants to be a friend? They will
listen, nod, smile or grin. “Social
Rules for Kids”