Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

With kids, how do you deal with a missing dad?

Hi, my husband is MIA with my kids. He lives in China, calls my 18 year old maybe once a week, and doesn't call my 13 year old at all! He won't call her because she's mad at him for leaving.

I have talked to him recently about getting back in touch with our youngest, and he has promised he would, which he has. She hasn't picked up the phone yet, but once she talks to her counselor next week, she's going to talk to her dad.

But my real question is, how do you deal with the abandonment of your kids by your spouse? This is killing me too. I can't even imagine what my kids are going through. This colors every aspect of their lives. And it hurts so much that their friends have their dads at home.

I can barely stand it anymore. My youngest daughter's pain is too much for me.

If anyone else is going through this, I would love to know what has helped for you, and for your children as well. Thanks!

Since I'm only pregnant I haven't had to cross that bridge yet, but I would recommend getting your youngest in some kind of a mentoring program. I'm sure it would be a welcome break for you and it would also give her another positive influence in her life.

hey am in the same boat, am geting divorced and its me who filed for it he doesn't live with me anymore, so good but he will phone my son not much i have to remind him and my son is 13 my daughter is 14 and hates him so he wont boder with her and says that shes the one supose to phone him, what a twats of a mens i cant believe they are so bloody selfish, i hate it too. hugs

This used to bother me too when my husband would go weeks without calling to check up on the kids but after a while I stopped focusing on it and just tried to keep them busy as possible and be the best mom I could be.

You need to realize that you can't make him be a good father and you have no control over how he interacts with the kids.

Focus on what you have control over and how much time and attention you give them. I know it hurts because you hate to see them hurting but they are so blessed to have a loving mom who cares.

I have struggled with the same issue re their mother. Unfortunately there is nothing you can say on behalf of the missing parent. For me, the best I could do was ensure they knew I loved them and that I was there for them. Don't make excuses for the other parent. Hug, hold and comfort.

You have gotten some great replies. I totally agree with justdecember. My son was 7 when I got divorced. I tried everything to get his father to call him and continue to be in his life. After a year I stopped and I left it up to my son. If my son wanted to talk to him, I told him I would dial for him to speak with him. My ex barely called or came by to see him. Just like Deggar said &quot; Don't make excuses for the other parent&quot;. I asked my son if he misses his dad and he said no. He's a teen now and understands more. He really doesn't care if his dad is in his life or not. I AM THERE FOR MY SON. Be there for your daughter. I hope the counselor will help her get through this. Be there for your son, too. Focuse on your kids, rather than worry if their father will be there for them. It's not fair but those things happen. One question that stuck with me that my son asked was... &quot;Why did my Dad leave me?&quot; I told him that he didn't leave him, he left me. Please talk with your kids. It's very important to talk about this situation, rather than keep it bottled inside.

All you can do is always be there as much as possible for your kids and show them you love them. You aren't going to change him.
My ex moved with with a lady and is a better father to her kid than he has ever been to our son. He treats my son like an unwanted step child most days. He manipulates and only see's him when he's not 'busy'.. My son will go out of his way to try to get his dad's attention.. good or bad. He's 13 and of course he looks up to his dad. He vents about his future step sister all the time as there is a lot of animosity. I almost wish my ex was out of the picture and would stop seeing him, only because I think what he is doing hurts him more. I've learned to just back of and let it be, because no matter what I say to my ex about his behavior, it does NOTHING.. he will not change. My son will see this when he's older, however for now I have to let their relationship be between them and be there for my son. Once a week he comes in my room, sits on my bed while I'm trying to sleep, ranting and raving about his dad not paying attention to him. The relationship between my son and I is stronger and it feels good to be need. I don't say anything bad about his father. I just listen. That's all you can do, I guess. Hope this helps somehow.. good luck.. Kids are very strong.. Your children will get through this and be stronger because of it.

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