Think back to your school days. No doubt they were full of many ups and downs, including stress around homework and exams.

But these days being a kid is a whole new ball game. While a bit of stress may be a natural part of the learning curve, today’s punishing exam schedule at 11, 14, 16 and 18, plus friendship and family pressures, means there’s very little let-up for modern kids.

So it’s no surprise 50% of 2,000 children aged eight to 17 admitted feeling worried and anxious about their academic performance in a new survey by the Office of the Children’s Commissioner.

Experts at the recent North of England Education Conference said the pressure doesn’t just come from school – it comes from parents too.

OK, it’s natural to want your kids to do well, but where do you draw the line between encouraging them to buckle down and giving them a stress overload?

Keep talking

British kids are the most miserable in Europe, UNICEF says. The charity also found that, as parents, we spend far less time with our children than mums and dads living in other European countries.

This is no coincidence, according to counsellor and agony aunt Suzie Hayman, who is also a trustee of Parentline Plus, which offers free advice to parents.

“Lots of families no longer eat together in the evenings as kids are doing so many activities, so the parents are less able to keep up-to-date with what’s going on in their kids’ lives.

“But the more you talk, even if it’s just about trivia, the more comfortable your kids will feel talking to you about any problems, and the earlier those problems can be tackled the better.”

Reward effort – not just results

It may sound tempting to bribe your child with a new bike or mobile phone if they do well in their exams but according to Suzie, this is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

“Imagine how your child would feel if they worked really hard and didn’t make the grade,” she says. “I get letters and emails all the time from kids who feel that they’re failing to live up to others’ expectations.

“Sadly this is now becoming increasingly common in all areas of their lives, whether it’s about their looks, clothes or how well they’re doing at school.

“A far better approach is to reward the effort a child puts into something. This sends the message that their best is good enough – and that means they are good enough.”

Can comparisons

Another mistake is to compare your child to another child, whether it’s a sibling, friend or classmate. Rather than motivating them, it could just end up making them feel really inadequate.

“Children are individuals with lots of different abilities,” says psychotherapist for children Peter Wilson, clinical adviser for The Place 2Be, a school counselling service. “While it’s important to encourage them to reach their full potential, they also need to know that you love them for themselves.

“If a child becomes too anxious, this can interfere with their ability to learn and they begin to associate learning with stress, which is counterproductive.”

Avoid labels

Labelling a child as not good at something is a great way to make sure they never improve.

“You may as well say, ‘You’ll never be good at it so there’s no point even trying’,” says Suzie. “It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and is sad as it limits someone’s potential.”

Factor in down time

We all need time out to recharge our batteries and kids are no exception but because there’s now so much choice of after-school activities on top of homework and revision, kids can often have very little chill-out time.

Make sure your child has regular breaks to do something he or she enjoys, whether that’s sport or listening to music.

If your child is having trouble sleeping because they’re stressed, encourage them to switch off gadgets such as mobile phones an hour before bed as there is increasing scientific evidence that they interfere with sleep.

Help them to chill out with a soothing CD such as Rays of Calm: Relaxation for Teenagers (£12.51, www.yogamatters.com).

Be practical

Help your child find their best working style. “Some kids need a quiet room while others work better in 10-minute bursts at the kitchen table,” explains Suzie.

It’s also a good idea to find out when your child’s exams will be, what coursework they have and when it needs to be handed in.

You can help them get organised and plan their work. If in doubt, don’t hesitate to ask the school for advice, for instance on recommended revision techniques.

Get the right help

It’s natural for your child to feel stressed around exam time but if behaviour changes are extreme or go on for longer than a couple of months, it may be a sign that they’re not coping.

Peter explains: “Children under pressure may feel very tired, go off their food, become withdrawn, be overly fretful or tearful and even get physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach ache.

“Reassure them that if they don’t get the grades, it’s not the end of the world and there will be other opportunities ahead.”