SNL Transcripts: Eddie Murphy: 12/15/84: White Like Eddie

White Like Eddie

…..Eddie MurphyClerk…..Jim Downey

Eddie Murphy: You know, a lot of people talk about racial prejudice. And some people have gone so far as to say that there are actually two Americas: one black and one white. But talk is cheap. So I decided to look into the problem myself, firsthand. To go underground and actually experience America.. as a white man.

[ enters Make Up Room ]

Eddie Murphy Voiceover: I hired the best make-up people in the business. If I was gonna pass as a white man, everything had to be perfect.

Eddie Murphy Voiceover: Slowly, I began to realize that when white people are alone, they give things to each other for free.[ cut to Eddie catching a bus. He sits down between two white women. ]

Eddie Murphy Voiceover: There was only one other black man on the bus. He got off on 45th Street. [ the busdriver looks around the bus carefully, then sets a party in motion, complete with music and cigarette girls ] The problem was much more serious than I’d ever imagined.

[ cut to Eddie at a bank, talking to a black Loan Officer, discussing budgeting and other money matters ]

Loan Officer: Now, let me get this straight, Mr., ..uh.. Mr. White. You’d like to borrow $50,000 from our bank, but you have no collateral, you have no credit. You don’t even have any I.D. Is that correct?

Eddie Murphy: That’s right.

Loan Officer: Mr. White, I’m sorry. This is not a charity. This is a business…

White Loan Officer: [ laughs, then sits ] That was a close one, wasn’t it?

Eddie Murphy: It certainly was.

White Loan Officer: We don’t have to bother with these formalities, do we, Mr. White? Huh?

Eddie Murphy: What a silly Negro!

White Loan Officer: Just take what you want, Mr. White. Pay us back anytime. Or don’t. We don’t care.

Eddie Murphy: Tell me, do you know of any other banks like this in this area?

[ cut to Eddie back at the Make-up Room ]

Eddie Murphy: So, what did I learn from all of this? Well, I learned that we still have a very long way to go in this country before all men are truly equal. But I’ll tell you something. [ pan to reveal Eddie’s black buddies applying white make-up to their faces ] I’ve got a lot of friends, and we’ve got a lot of makeup. So, the next time you’re huggin’ up with some really super, groovy white guy, or you met a really great, super keen white chick, don’t be too sure. They might be black.