Think about a person you hate. It doesn’t have to be someone you personally know. Seriously think about that person. Now think of the sucking of emotional energy from your body the mere name of that person does to you.

It’s similar to that feeling of falling in love in high school or even now really, and aching for the person and then it not happening. You feel like you have the flu you are so drained. Every part of you aches and you have no energy left.

Losing your mind of memories takes that away. As to how I know about how it feels . . . I’ve been writing for 20 years. I have a lot of notes and novels to look back through on that draining feeling. And . . . well . . . I go through it every day. Not the hate part though.

There is a blessing in having a Lost Mind…you have Lost Hate. I literally hate no one.

After losing my mind of memories a great many things became clear to me. I know that sounds a bit odd but having a mind clear of preconceived ideas was and still is something . . . liberating. Just think for a moment of that person from earlier. Do you have it yet . . . that feeling inside?

Now . . . imagine that name has no meaning to you. Imagine there is no emotional history attached to it.

The sad part is that I am reminded of what people are to me, or what they have done to me in the past. That information doesn’t go in my notebook. You may remember that I have a notebook where all the important memories go. I leave out the bad things and immediately begin to think of something else as soon as I can . . . kittens, puppies, hula dancers.

When you lose something you often think negatively. For me the initial loss was negative but even out of something that bad has come something good. I lost my memories but I found a freedom few people will ever be able to find. I found the freedom to live each day knowing people as they are and not how I think they should be.

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35 thoughts on “Finding Freedom”

letting go, is indeed is the toughest part but it’s also the only thing that helps you move forward. Yes, people, situations sometimes get stuck in our heads but we have got to learn to filter them out. That way we heal for the better 🙂

Interesting. It reminds me of the notion of ‘forgiveness’, so you can ‘let go’ of hate… I prefer to ‘move away’ physically and/or emotionally from people, who as you say, ‘drain your energy…
I was wondering, you say having lost mind, you have lost hate… but not the things you loved? Have the positive feelings remained or did you start from scratch with everyone you knew/met?

I had an accident back in August that resulted in amnesia. Thus I don’t remember things or people. What you are is what you are to me. Also the only thing I’ve been really able to read is the Bible that doesn’t hurt my head too much. I’ve been able to read the words without denomination tradition says things mean. I know people do things that are very much not what they intend to do and even I can do that so I understand and move on.
I know all of that is confusing but it’s how it is coming to mind at this moment.
So even though the amnesia brought it about, I have chosen through the Bible and my own choices to see people on a daily basis as they are at that point. Of course the short term memory problems aid in that as well.

I love the positive spin on ‘losing your mind.’ There’s a realism to your words, it’s not denial or wishful thinking – it’s truth. While there may be some downside, you do get to be in the moment with the person and the situation – and I would agree, there is a freedom to that state of mind (with or without prior memory). Absorbing post.

Thank you!
I decided shortly after my accident to be positive or things would go badly, at least that’s what my notebook says. 🙂 So I just keep moving along. Blogging helps me with having an outlet to encourage others and be positive.
Much Respect
Ronovan

From all that’s happened I also found blogging and wonderful people from all over the world. That has been a great silver lining. It has been a truly wonderful thing for me. I love learning about people and cultures. I think blogging makes the world a smaller place and a more understanding place.
Much Respect and Appreciation
Ronovan

It’s hard to believe someone being so optimistic after having such a devastating accident- devastating because you lost all your memories. But don’t get me wrong, I admire your optimism and would like to be more like you in this department. I really liked what you have written.

Thank you. It’s rather easy to be optimistic when I get to meet great people every day through the world of articles we share online. Just think, a few days ago you wrote your heart in a piece and now we’re friends. That is what we all need.
Much Admiration
Ronovan

Thank you very much. 🙂 The thought that I inspire is an amazing thing to me. Especially to someone who has such a life and ambition as you do. Law school and blogging? Amazing
Much Appreciation and Respect
Ronovan

What a way to start a blog! Better yet: What a way to end one! I am so sorry to read of the circumstances surrounding your amnesia, but am encouraged regarding your new outlook on life. I always appreciate your light-hearted nature and humor that is tossed all throughout your posts. Again, I knew I would be entertained to some degree. 😀

I love the optimistic view you have. This challenge was difficult for me, due to the freshness of the event I’ve experienced. I’m harboring anger toward certain people, but your perspective brings light to the subject. Thanks Ronovan.

Thank you for sharing this. Your memories have been “made white like snow” clean and unblemished from past preconceived ideas. Your buoyancy and hopefulness throughout a very trial-some life-changing experience inspires me a great deal!

Thank you for sharing a part of your life! Love the energy, love the positive, and kudos to you for putting yourself out there! And I feel the same about the blogging and this community, it has brought out so much joy. Looking forward to part 3 and other posts!

[…] long forgotten, even before last summer, nuggets of wonderful. Being able to choose in someways is “Finding Freedom” from all of those influences that led me to have certain opinions about things that were […]