I was in the ARC pushing the cart with my babe in it. I was so oblivious to everything around me. I was mindlessly walking up and down the aisle waiting for something to strike my fancy. I was feeling peaceful inside. Seemingly, out of nowhere, I heard a really loud, “SHHHHHH….” How ironic that the shushing was louder than whatever sound that needed shushing. After being shaken out of my obliviousness, I realized how much I dislike that sound. It really unpleasant –and has the sound of rudeness to it. It seems to defeat the purpose of getting someone to be quiet since it’s seems to be louder than the original sound. Heck, am I even making sense? Perhaps, over-analyzing the sound a bit too much?

Like this:

CONFESSION: (and those of you who know my philosophy on foods, get this- YES, IT’S TRUE)

I was 36 weeks pregnant with my third child.

It happened. I saw that poster of french fries covered with queso cheese sauce and sprinkled with bacon. It called for me to come into Carl’s JR. It looked.oh.so.yummy. Yep, my husband and I went in and had lunch there.

I was happily eating the cheesy meal, feeling it warm the insides of my enormous belly. A who worked there came over to me. She was a fairly large woman who had half her teeth with a very friendly smile. She said to me, “I hear you’re 36 weeks pregnant!”

Me ( surprised that she knew that about me): “Yes.”

She (spoke with a hint of a romantic tone): “Oh man, aren’t those fries just delicious? Oh yes, they’re even better when you dip them in Ranch dressing. Oh yes.”

Me (silent because that is just about the most disgusting thing I had ever heard and that was just crossing the heart attack line–I mean, come on, french fries dripped in queso cheese sprinkled with bacon is bad enough as is…)

She started leaning towards me and I started to move away–then I realized she wanted to whisper in my ear. I was going to explain to her that I don’t do well with whispering but decided against it. I let her whisper in my ear. I was amazed at how loud and clear it was.

This is what she whispered: “It’s almost as good as S-E-X!!!” I opened my eyes wide like a very innocent child. It was so loud that I was sure that my husband heard her. I asked him with a “I can’t believe she said that” tone, “Did YOU hear that?” He shook his head indicating that he hadn’t.

Like this:

This little child of mine is the only one in my family that loves hiking as much as I do. It was a little windy. Noises from nature were all around. Some kind of noise happened. “Mama? What’s the noise?” asked the little child inquisitively. She looked at me with a wide grin with her head tilted slightly to one side. I stood still for a moment trying to remember a sound that had just occurred. I’m not even sure I heard a sound. I looked at her innocently and replied, “I don’t know. I didn’t hear the sound.” “Yes, you do, mama! You know. What is it?” she said with an even bigger grin as if I was teasing her (which I often do). It hit me – that moment that she thinks of me as perfect. She’s still young. I’m still her God. I’m her protector. I’m all-knowing. For now. I started wondering when that day will come when she realizes that her mum can’t hear very well. Anyhow, for now, I’ll revel the moment(s) when she thinks I’m just perfect. {Happy sigh}

Like this:

The other day at work, I walked a young man to the office (for the school’s safety sake, we have been asked to walk “strangers” to the office). This young man was somewhat of a hippie, round glasses, hair pulled back in a pony tail and a tie die shirt. He seemed friendly. I think he was a volunteer for an after-school program. I was doing my small talk~ sweet, friendly and welcoming. And, he signed back to me.

As I’ve gotten older, I don’t react as much. I used to get so angry. Angry because I know far more Spanish than I do sign language. I even know how to read and write in Hebrew. I know very little sign language. My parents chose to raise me as an oral speaker. Angry because I may still have that “deaf tone” and many kind strangers hear it and automatically start signing to me (if they know sign language). How dare they assume that I know the language. Not that signing is a crime. In fact, it’s very controversial which requires a whole different blog itself.

Assumptions are dangerous. It creates ignorance. According to Mirriam-Webster Online, ignorance means a lack of knowledge, understanding, or education. I’m sure the young gentleman wasn’t trying to be mean~ I’m sure he was a very nice man~ I’m sure he didn’t mean to make me feel angry~ I’m sure he would have felt bad if I told him that his assumption bothered me~ but whatever it was, it’s still ignorance.

All my life, I’ve had many comments about sign language: I want to learn sign language, it looks like ballet (I wonder what people who actually sign think of that statement); Oh, my baby know sign language, we’ve taken baby signing classes together. (Oh, I see); Oh I want my students to learn a song in sign language, can you help us? (Um. I don’t know sign language); It’s a shame that your parents didn’t teach you sign language, it makes me so sad (said one deaf woman to me).

I don’t mind if you ask me if I know the language. That’s probably a better thing to do instead of assuming.

I’m much more than a “hard of hearing” person. I don’t wake up in the morning reminding myself that I’m hard of hearing. Nowadays, my morning consists of nursing my little baby. I’m a mother first. Then the rest of me follows~ a woman, a wife, a teacher, a photographer, a write and back to being a mother again (because motherhood never really leaves me).

There is nothing quite as refreshing as walking to work early in the morning. My mind tends to wander moving from one thought to another. Yesterday, my walk started out perfectly normal. Then all of sudden, my processor’s battery dies. Just like that. Poof. Dead. The world suddenly becomes large. Colorful. Everything is enhanced. Things slow down quite a bit. The wind. Oh, the wind. There’s a very clear awareness of how gentle and soft the morning wind is. It blows so sweetly on my face and through my hair. I hadn’t realized that it was blowing until silence appeared. The colors. Oh my! As I walked closer to the lake (I’m lucky enough to pass by a like on my walk), the reflections in the water! Reflections from the colorful cars as they pass by, the reflections from the trees, and even the reflections from the geese as they swim~ the colors are so vivid and so clear. The trees new green, green buds. How did I not notice the signs of spring? Not only did I notice the wind and color, I felt my very being, my very existence. I felt alive. Strong. I felt my every walking movement. My breathing~ breath going in, breath going out. It’s amazing how a different side of life appeared. Just cancel out one sense and all the others heighten. This must be why we’re encouraged to take a moment each day to be alone and embrace silence (as much as possible)~ just to slow life down a bit and become aware of what’s going on around us. I loved it all!

Like this:

My little one turned one a few days ago. And, she got this caterpillar that makes music. She loves it. You press a button on it’s back, and it makes music. She giggles, smiles a big smile and moves her little body as the music happens. All I hear is ding, ding, DING, ding, you know. I mean, noise right? Well, my older daughter comes in and notices the new toy right away. She presses a button and has a look of recognition on her face. “Oh, it has a melody. She nods her head with the music and then starts to sing, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….” I stare at her in confusion. I tried to so hard to see how the hell she could figure out the musical melody and sing along with it. The music and the song simple DO NOT match to me. Ah, the mysteries of the hearing world🙂

Like this:

I was standing in a long line waiting to pick up a prescription from Kaiser. Mila was in my arms. She has those darling cheeks that brings on kisses from everyone. So, I’m kissing her and kissing her and kissing her. The old man in front of me turns around and says with a gentle smile, “Oh, I kept hearing this kissing sound. I had to turn around to see what was going on.” Something inside of me froze. I was amazed that kissing a child could be loud. Such a simple act that apparently makes a lot of noise. Now that I became aware of noisy kissing is, I also became so conscious and started to gently and quietly kiss my babe.I Dang it! Kissing her softly is just not the same as giving her a full blown on kiss on the cheeks. I’m not sure if I like all these sounds~ it seems somewhat invasive. I mean, you can hear a person peeing as you pee in a public bathroom and now, you can hear people kissing!?! There’s really a lack of privacy with these sounds, I tell ya.