Beyond Satire?

I’m thinking of giving up on the satire business. I mean, have you seen the US election result? How can I compete with that? Real life it seems, has gone beyond satire. If, four years ago, I’d written a story about how a billionaire bully with a string of failed businesses behind him and a string of sexual harassment allegations ahead of him, would beat Hilary Clinton to the presidency, it would have been treated as a ludicrous fantasy. Yet, here we are. It isn’t as if Trump’s election is an isolated incident: it’s happening all over. The Philippines, for instance, currently appear to have a homicidal maniac as president, who is waging a literal war on drugs by having anyone suspected of a narcotics connection summarily executed. Again, you just couldn’t make it up. As for the situation here in the UK, well, where do I start? Perhaps with the sight we’ve recently been treated to of Brexiteers who spent the EU referendum campaign banging on about how they wanted to ‘restore’ the sovereignty of parliament and have only British, not European, courts making judgements on British legal matters, stamping their feet and throwing tantrums because the UK’s High Court had ruled that parliament is indeed sovereign and therefore any Brexit deal concocted by the government must be approved by parliament. The media keep going on about how we’re living in the ‘post truth era’ – ‘post satire era’ more like.

While we’re talking about the High Court judgement over Brexit, I was appalled to see that odious donkey faced creep Nigel Farage apparently inciting people to riot over it, before going to lead a march on the court itself. Now, I’m pretty sure that if he’d been a Muslim preacher or a left-wing activist inciting violence and trying to intimidate the independent judiciary in that way, he’d be banged up in Belmarsh by now. But hey, he’s just good old British eccentric Nigel Farage, isn’t he? He’s also quite clearly a dangerous extremist trying to destabilise the rule of law. But he’s anti EU and, most importantly, not a Muslim or a foreigner and that’s good enough for our right wing press, who will allow no criticism of him. But we are living in an era when, apparently, bullying, threats of violence and the undermining of the constitution are all OK if you’ve won a vote. “You lost, so shut up and live with it – that’s democracy!” dissenters are told by those on the ‘winning’ side, who clearly don’t grasp how a democracy is actually meant to function. So, now that the Brexit bastards have won by a mighty margin of 4% and Trump has become president despite polling lower than Hilary Clinton in the popular vote, all of us remain and Hilary voters are just meant to stand by and watch as every civilised value in our countries is destroyed because of this ‘winner takes all’ mentality.

But the fact is that 48% of us voted to remain Europe. Nearly half of all those who voted in the referendum. That’s a lot of people. Yet who speaks for us? Who is standing up for our, perfectly legitimate, view point? Who is protecting our interests? Not the government, that’s for sure. It’s no good looking to the opposition, either, because the Labour party is adhering to the official ‘The people have spoken and we can’t deny the will of the people’ bollocks. Their craven attitude is only to be expected – to have the courage to actually speak for the 48% would require leadership, which we’re never going to get as long as that waste of space Corbyn (who secretly backed the leave campaign anyway) remains leader. When are people going to open their eyes and realise that he’s some kind of Tory mole? I mean, who better to successfully infiltrate the Labour party as part of a long-term plot to destroy it from within than some middle class beardie weirdie drop out? Nobody would suspect him, would they? He’s spent decades trying to undermine the party from the sidelines, but now he’s seized control of the party he can make them unelectable for generations to come with his incompetence and intransigence. I ask you, why else would a Labour leader be seemingly so Hell bent on deselecting sitting Labour MPs with safe majorities in favour of unelectable left-wing loons, unless he was actually a Tory infiltrator?

While we’re on the subject, isn’t it obvious that Trump is actually a Russian deep cover agent, probably trained by the KGB during the time of the old Soviet Union, but now under the control of Putin? He’s clearly part of Putin’s scheme to undermine the US economy and destroy the west by dismantling NATO and driving a wedge between the US and Europe. Damn it, if only I’d thought of that before the election: it would have made a great internet crazy conspiracy to promulgate through social media. But to return to the point, in the absence of any support from our professional political classes, I can understand why, right now, a lot of people in both sides of the Atlantic are feeling lonely, bewildered and abandoned. All hope seems to have been lost. But, before our US friends rush for the Canadian border or start handing out the cyanide pills, I’d urge them to wait a while. After all, Trump doesn’t take office until next January, leaving plenty of time for that assassin’s bullet to find him.

A metaphorical bullet, of course. I’ve already mentioned all the court cases against him involving alleged sexual offences which are pending – he could still be found guilty in one or more of them. Even if none of them result in a conviction, then there are undoubtedly all manner of shady stuff just waiting to fall out of his many closets. As for the situation here in the UK, we have no choice but to keep shouting and campaigning ourselves. We have to ignore the threats and intimidation if we are to defend what we value. Because, right now, nobody else is going to do it. If we could kick Corbyn and his self-righteous bunch of hypocrites out of the Labour party, we might have a chance. But I don’t see that happening any time soon. So we have no choice but to go toe-to-toe with the Brexit thugs whenever and wherever we can, reiterating our arguments and defending the constitution, the rule of law and parliamentary democracy from them. Above all, though, it is important to remember that we’ve been here before yet survived. Didn’t we manage to get through the Reagan and Dubya presidencies relatively unscathed? Not to mention all those years of Thatcher (who double teamed with Reagan in the eighties). The fact is that we have political systems designed to curb the very worst excesses of their ilk, or, at the very least, slow them down and frustrate their plans. (Which is why it is so important here in the UK to protect our courts and constitution from the likes of Farage and Theresa May). Like George Harrison said: all things must pass. We just have to find a way of enduring it in the meantime. So, until next time, keep fighting and keep it sleazy!

Doc Sleaze

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About The Author

Publisher, Executive Editor and Chief Writer of The Sleaze, the Doc is in the forefront of the campaign to preserve historic 1970s moustaches, and is currently the owner of a fine 1970 Alain Delon, which he wears with pride every Thursday. Before founding The Sleaze, the Doc had the singular honour of being dismissed from the Ministry of Defence's Defence Intelligence Staff following his involvement with the original 'dodgy dossier', which sparked the civil war in the former Yugoslavia. Nevertheless, he stands by his controversial assessment that there is satellite imagery clearly showing Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic enjoying a three-in-a-bed romp with Princess Margaret and Richard Branson. Following his dismissal, the Doc crossed the Atlantic to enter the film industry, where he quickly became Tawny Kitaen's pubic hair stylist. The proud possessor of the world's largest collection of pornography discovered in hedgerows, the Doc is considered one of Britain's leading experts on smut, and acted as an advisor to the BBC 4 series A Pornographic History of Britain. Now in his early middle years, Doc Sleaze lives quietly in Southern England where he is sometimes allowed to teach Government and Politics to local A-level students. He can be reached through the site's main e-mail address - just don't expect a reply.