Category: encouragement

It’s been 2 years, 3 months and 25 days ago that I last wrote on my blog. That post, One more Step, was about the loss of my sister, Melanie. This new post will make more sense if you read that one first.

That last post sure sounded like a positive person had written it. But, I was anything and everything but positive. I was hurting. Through all these months I wanted to share the truth of what my heart was feeling, but I couldn’t. I tried…well, not really, but I wanted to. The words just wouldn’t come. Most days blogging was the furthest thing from my mind, but there were also days I had a lot to say. Thankfully I knew better, because I am pretty sure none of it was worth saying. Most of it was sad words and wouldn’t have been a benefit to anyone…most especially me.

I’ve enjoyed writing for most of my life…I am not a scholar or an English major. I am just me, a person who likes to write the things I see going on around me, my life, my family and God. It actually brings me joy to share my life. So, when I allowed my joy to wane, blogging was the first to go. I actually let go of everything that brought me joy. I could put on a good face, learned to be a great faker. I built a wall, a tall and thick wall. There were very few that were allowed into the fortress I had built around me…and those few were only allowed at the door, no one was allowed all the way in. I didn’t want anyone to know the pain and hurt I was hiding….I wasn’t allowing anyone to see that I was hurt and vulnerable. I was afraid to show the weaker side of who I am. But, alas….after these years of building a wall I am finally breaking it down. It’s gonna take a while, but I am slowing allowing people in to see the vulnerable me.

My hope is that in the days and weeks to come I am able to share my heartache and struggle with others. I want to write words of encouragement and I hope that my story of loss will benefit others going through a similar situation. Loss is hard. Don’t let anyone tell you different. All of us deal with it in different ways. God created each of us with a unique personality and that allows us to deal with things differently. My way might not be the ‘right’ way or your way, but I can learn from you and hopefully you can learn from me.

My heart ached aches at the loss of my sister. It’s been a long journey to get to where I am today….I am at a point of understanding. Understanding that His ways are higher than mine…that He knew her time here was complete.

So, reflecting back on the blog post from March 24, 2015 (31 days after Melanie passed away) I want to say ‘dance, little sister, dance. And today I mean it sincerely.

Like this:

Lord, help me to focus on your dream for me…to live out your purpose…to continue on with my story, the one You wrote for me. Keep my heart pure and focused, remembering that I was created to live out my story for Your glory, not mine!His Glory!Amen & Amen! Winnie

Our lives have been a little topsy turvy for the last few months. Life has been turned upside down and inside out for me with the death of my best friend and baby sister, Melanie. We are home now and I am working to find my ‘new normal’. I found this devotion in my email and it gave me some encouragement today. Everyone can use a little encouragement……This is from Christine Caine’s First Things First email devotion:

Life will eventually turn every person upside down, inside out. No one is immune.

The day that I unexpectedly found out that I was adopted was one of those times. For thirty-three years I thought I was someone else, and then, just like that, I discovered I was not who I thought I was.

But just as life will upend us, so will love.

God’s love, which knows us and claimed us before we were even born, can take us beyond ourselves, as it did Jesus, who left heaven to go to the cross and pass through the grave in order to bring us back home. His love can bring us through emotional earthquakes.

Love like Christ’s can lift us out of betrayal and hurt. It can deliver us from any mess.

Lean into and receive the unconditional, unfailing, indescribable love of our precious Savior. When all else is shaken and fails, HIS LOVE never fails.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

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Whew-smack dab in the middle of 2014 I was like Whoa, Wow…you are more than your past…more than what the mirror says…more than the things you did or were done to you…finally…I am free to be me! And, hey…I like me! I like my loud laugh, that I cry easily and all my freckles. (spots as the lil people in my life call them). These are a part of who I am! Finally…my yesterday is not defining my today!But forget all that, it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? Isaiah 43:18-19

Finally…I am happy with who I am and who I see in the mirror

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it! Psalm 139:14

Finally…I am not ashamed of my past, but walking into my futureThis means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17

Finally…I can mark my past with a period and start my today with an exclamation point!No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,

Philippians 3:13

It took me about 54 years to accept these things about myself and I don’t ever want to fall back into that rut. So, going forward I will stand on His promises and these reminders*:

1. Never think or speak negatively about yourself.

2. Meditate on and speak positive things about yourself.3. Never compare yourself with anyone else.4. Focus on your potential not your limitations.5. Find something you like to do and that you do well – then do it over and over.6. Have the courage to be different. Be a God-pleaser, not a man-pleaser.7. Learn to cope with criticism.8. Determine your own worth – don’t let other people do it for you.9. Keep your flaws in perspective.This is a list I will keep close by to keep me always moving forward! After all, the best is yet to be!

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It’s our final day of 2014….my mind is having a hard time with this. The time seems to be flying even faster now that we are in 21st century. Or maybe it’s because I have crossed the 50 yard line, either way, it’s flying by.

‘They’ say time flies when you are having fun….maybe I have been having more fun these last 14 years! Whatever the reason, 2014 is ending and I look forward to what 2015 has for me.

I have already set some goals…no resolutions, only goals. One of those goals is to read through the bible…I have never done this….God bless you if you have! There are books that always stall me, like Numbers. This book is impossible for me to get through. I know there is well meaning and necessary information in that book, but I typically call it quits when I get there. There are times when I have skipped past it…and somewhere else along the way, I quit. But this year, I am determined.

After making this decision I started looking for ways to actually get it done. I found many suggestions for bible reading plans, but the Chronological Bible peaked my interest. It is set up in 15 minute daily readings that take you through the bible in the order the events actually happened. No more being stuck in the book of Numbers reading mindlessly. I purchased one in the NLT, because I like the way this version reads. I am excited to get started tomorrow and believe this is an attainable goal.

I have a few other goals, but this is the one I want to be held accountable for. Actually I think if you set too many goals you are more likely to fail, so I have limited my goals to under 5. The others are join a community group, start a small business, get in better physical shape and spend quality time with my family.

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"Your life is just composed of the years that you live. And the way you have successful and next level years is when you understand the value and significance of every single day. And the way you understand the value and the significance of every day is when you say 'God I am going to trust you no matter what season that I'm in'. This is next level living."