6 Signs You Need Couples Therapy to Save Your Relationship

Every couple fights. But sometimes, when it seems all too intense, you probably need someone to guide you two and help you find your way back to one another.

By Esha Iyer

June 11, 2019

Posted June 11, 2019

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Lately, it feels like the love that kept you and your partner bound together for so long is slowly starting to fade away. In fact, sometimes it feels like the two of you are like passing ships in a vast ocean, just roommates living under the same roof. You've even begun to wonder if it's worth at all.

You don't want to feel so lost dealing with the man you still love deep down. You wish someone could give you a fresh perspective on your relationship, without taking sides. Sure, you or he, or both, might be hesitant to open up about the intimate details of your relationship, but you now feel you'd do anything if it can help. And so, you've been considering couple's therapy.

According to Couples Counselling, these sessions can help improve communication between partners, increase understanding of each other's needs, restore lost intimacy, and help in negotiating commitments. Anyone in a relationship can benefit from this type of therapy. In fact, Psychology Today mentions that couple's therapy is roughly 75% effective.

So you too can benefit from having a counselor listen to both sides of your story, especially when you find yourself starting to experience these six things with your partner.

1. Every discussion you have ends in an argument

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You can't remember the last time being able to talk to your partner without it morphing it into a fight. Whether it's about the groceries or dealing with the kids, at the end of the conversation, somehow the blame game takes over. It's resulted in a lot of nights where the two of you have gone to bed angry with each other.

2. You have stopped being kind to each other

Hand-holding, love notes, doing the chores together, going out for long walks... these were just a few of the things that brought both of you closer. However, all that has changed. There're no more kind words or intimate smiles. Now, it's like there's a wall of ice between you and your partner - one that doesn't seem to melt.

3. It hurts you to see how things have changed since the initial days

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It saddens you that the only time you have a fulfilling relationship with your partner is all in old memories. The beginning of your relationship was so filled with love, kindness, and happiness. Things have changed drastically though. Reminiscing about those days only drives home how bleak your relationship has become and that upsets you.

4. Being around your partner is exhausting

It shouldn't feel this way but being with your partner takes a lot out of you. Whether it's the thought of an impending argument or feeling alone even when you're with him, it just tires you out. You long for the days when excitement would fill you up when you thought of them.

5. Your partner's jokes make you feel hurt

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Initially, both of you were able to tease each other and laugh about it together. Now, the teasing has stopped and any joke he does happen to crack only feels like a personal attack against you. Somewhere along the line, your partner's jokes began to feel more vindictive and hurtful.

6. You don't defend or protect each other socially

It was bad enough when the fights were within the four walls of your home. But now, you're noticing that the strain in your relationship is seeping into your social life. It's like the pain and hurt can't be contained any longer. It's a deep sense of loss when the person closest to you hasn't got your back and worse, doesn't stand up for you against those who wrong you.

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Yet, despite all of this, you know that this relationship is worth saving. "Couple's therapy allows the couple, romantic or not, to understand the dynamics between them," says Michel Horvat, a licensed marriage and family therapist, to The List. "Communication is the key to understanding; having a couple's therapist facilitate communication and understanding of each other's motivation and ongoing resentments and assumptions that might have built up over the development of the relationship."

The love that the two of you have for each other is simply buried deep within. And that love can be brought to the surface again with a little therapy. It can help both of you find your way back to each other after having been adrift for so long.