NYU Welcomes Record Number of Ivy League Rejects

As NYU opens its purple arms once again to city, it also welcomes in the class of 2020, a record breaking group of diverse, forward thinking Ivy League Rejects. Coming from all walks of life, these young innovators have turned their gaze towards New York University after being informed that they were not welcome in Cambridge, New Haven, Providence, Ithaca, Hanover, Philadelphia, Princeton, or even Upper Manhattan.

And just like Lady Liberty, who Columbia does not have a stake in (or at least if they do, it is a longer stake that requires a lengthy subway ride to access), it is NYU who welcomes these tired, poor, huddled masses who didn’t have enough extracurriculars in high school. Welcomes them into the class of 2020, a class named to represent how they missed exactly 380 points on the SATs, costing them what some may call “a perfect future.” Welcomes them into the heart of New York, a city built on dreams and trash, the combination of which will speak to you greatly during your time here. Welcomes them to the iconic arch that stands before it, whose hole is one that you will never fill, but one you will understand.

Welcome freshman, and remember to block that kid from your high school that got into your dream school now. It’s just easier that way.