In your life time there are a few people that have a lasting impression in your mind. Some of these people are kindred spirits that you hold near and dear in your heart and mind.

In 1973 I was only four years old some of my memories are vague due to my young age; however, Tracy is in most of my fond and not so fond memories from that year. Tracy was my best friend and brother.

We lived in New York in a large two story home. We had a large family with lots of children four and under. My oldest brother was twelve his name was Ritchie and I did not like him. He was always very cruel to me and loved practicing the latest wrestling moves on me. I still have a scar today from one of his stunts.

Tracy was around the same age as me. Tracy and I did everything together. I mean everything. I remember one time I observed Tracy using the bathroom standing up. Though I was a little girl I decide to give it a try just like I saw him do it. That idea did not work out well. This obviously was not something we should have been doing together but children will be children and I did not know any better. Hide and seek was one of our favorite activities and there were lots of great places to hide.

During this time period I observed my mom was angry with my father a great deal. She was loud always yelling at him. I was not sure why. I even saw her knock an apple out of him hand while she was arguing with him. My father on the other hand was always very quiet. Looking back I am sure his lack of emotion angered her the most.

One evening I was sitting in my mom’s lap. Whispering in my ear she instructed me to tell my father that she was leaving him. I was bewildered after all I am only four at the time. I leave her lap and go to sit on my father’s lap. I sit there very awkwardly and tell him that mom is leaving him. He smiles and gives me a kiss on the forehead. He then hands me a paper bill of money I really do not remember the denomination. I go back to my mom and tell her that he just gave me money. I give it to her and left her to go play.

Our house was always crowded with many toddlers. I started noticing that some of the children that had been there every since I could remember were gone. One by one they were disappearing. I asked my mom where they were she would always tell me that they went to their new mommy. I was confused but of course said nothing. I started feeling a dread that I could not verbalize at my young age. Tracy was still around so my concerns were always short lived as we ran around the house playing hide and seek or freeze tag. All was right with the world as long as Tracy and I were together.

The house continued to become more empty until it was just Tracy, my older brother Ritchie, and me. We did not discuss what was happening and plus Ritchie was twelve and really did not want to be bothered unless he was trying a new wrestling move or afflicting some other type of torture.

My mom was angry with my father everyday now. I was not sure why but I felt sorry for him.

One morning my mom packed a bag of my clothes. I had tears in my eyes as we walk to the car together. It is just my mom and me in the car. I look up at her with tears in my eyes and I tell her that I did not want a new mommy. She looks down and starts laughing very hard. I was not amused as I was very serious and I was getting ready to cry hysterically. She then tells me that she will always be my mommy. A great sigh of relief washed over me.

My mom drives me to a relatives house to stay for a couple of days she did not explain why. It felt like forever that I am at this house but it actually was only a couple of days. My mom came to pick me up and take me back home. I was so ecstatic when I got home. I ran into the house looking so forward to playing with Tracy. I ran upstairs but Tracy was not there just my older brother. I ran back down and went over every inch of the house. Tracy really found a great hiding spot I remember thinking. I did this for over an hour until finally my mom ask me what I was doing. I tell her that I am looking for Tracy. My mom looked down with concern in her eyes and stated that Tracy went to his new mommy. I looked at my mom with horror. I was devastated. I ran away sobbing hysterically.

I ran outside to my backyard. It was a beautiful sunny breezy fall day. The breeze caressed my wet face giving me the chills. I could not enjoy the beauty of autumn that surrounded me. All the beautiful colors were wasted on me as everything in my life had turned grey to me. I kept staring at the swing set that I would no longer play with Tracy on. I came to the realization that my life would never be the same.

The next morning I woke up still very sad. I heard a lot of movement in the house I sat up thinking maybe my mom had changed her mind and got Tracy back. I ran downstairs to find next to no furniture. My Uncle Bobby was taking boxes outside. I looked outside and I saw a very large truck. All the furniture and boxes were placed in the truck. My mom was leaving my father and we were leaving New York to go to North Carolina. When I hugged my father and said goodbye I did not realize that I would never see him again.

My brother Ritchie took this very hard as well. He wanted to stay with our father. He was especially hateful to me more than ever now as if this was my fault.

Years later I learned that all the children in the home were actually foster kids including Tracy. I also learned that I was once a foster child. My biological mother gave consent for me to be adopted so the only mother I actually ever knew adopted me.

Every autumn I think about Tracy. Many years have passed. I am now forty-eight with a family of my own. I still wonder what became of Tracy. My mom told me she did not know Tracy’s last name. I really had no way to search for him as the Foster care program keeps records private. I wish Tracy the best. I hope he went back to live with his mother and did not get bounced from one foster home to the next.

I lost my first best friend due to circumstances outside our control. Like the leaves that fall in autumn detached by circumstances outside of their control never to be attached again. The wind will blow the leaves further away from the tree until the tree is no longer in sight. Our house in New York was the tree and all in the household were leaves that detached and blew away. Some leaves managed to be bagged together and be carted to North Carolina. The leaves that were not bagged blew away in separate directions never to see the tree or other leaves again.

Fall of 73

By Terrylynn Dupree

In your life time there are a few people that have a lasting impression in your mind. Some of these people are kindred spirits that you hold near and dear in your heart and mind.

In 1973 I was only four years old some of my memories are vague due to my young age; however, Tracy is in most of my fond and not so fond memories from that year. Tracy was my best friend and brother.

We lived in New York in a large two story home. We had a large family with lots of children four and under. My oldest brother was twelve his name was Ritchie and I did not like him. He was always very cruel to me and loved practicing the latest wrestling moves on me. I still have a scar today from one of his stunts.

Tracy was around the same age as me. Tracy and I did everything together. I mean everything. I remember one time I observed Tracy using the bathroom standing up. Though I was a little girl I decide to give it a try just like I saw him do it. That idea did not work out well. This obviously was not something we should have been doing together but children will be children and I did not know any better. Hide and seek was one of our favorite activities and there were lots of great places to hide.

During this time period I observed my mom was angry with my father a great deal. She was loud always yelling at him. I was not sure why. I even saw her knock an apple out of him hand while she was arguing with him. My father on the other hand was always very quiet. Looking back I am sure his lack of emotion angered her the most.

One evening I was sitting in my mom’s lap. Whispering in my ear she instructed me to tell my father that she was leaving him. I was bewildered after all I am only four at the time. I leave her lap and go to sit on my father’s lap. I sit there very awkwardly and tell him that mom is leaving him. He smiles and gives me a kiss on the forehead. He then hands me a paper bill of money I really do not remember the denomination. I go back to my mom and tell her that he just gave me money. I give it to her and left her to go play.

Our house was always crowded with many toddlers. I started noticing that some of the children that had been there every since I could remember were gone. One by one they were disappearing. I asked my mom where they were she would always tell me that they went to their new mommy. I was confused but of course said nothing. I started feeling a dread that I could not verbalize at my young age. Tracy was still around so my concerns were always short lived as we ran around the house playing hide and seek or freeze tag. All was right with the world as long as Tracy and I were together.

The house continued to become more empty until it was just Tracy, my older brother Ritchie, and me. We did not discuss what was happening and plus Ritchie was twelve and really did not want to be bothered unless he was trying a new wrestling move or afflicting some other type of torture.

My mom was angry with my father everyday now. I was not sure why but I felt sorry for him.

One morning my mom packed a bag of my clothes. I had tears in my eyes as we walk to the car together. It is just my mom and me in the car. I look up at her with tears in my eyes and I tell her that I did not want a new mommy. She looks down and starts laughing very hard. I was not amused as I was very serious and I was getting ready to cry hysterically. She then tells me that she will always be my mommy. A great sigh of relief washed over me.

My mom drives me to a relatives house to stay for a couple of days she did not explain why. It felt like forever that I am at this house but it actually was only a couple of days. My mom came to pick me up and take me back home. I was so ecstatic when I got home. I ran into the house looking so forward to playing with Tracy. I ran upstairs but Tracy was not there just my older brother. I ran back down and went over every inch of the house. Tracy really found a great hiding spot I remember thinking. I did this for over an hour until finally my mom ask me what I was doing. I tell her that I am looking for Tracy. My mom looked down with concern in her eyes and stated that Tracy went to his new mommy. I looked at my mom with horror. I was devastated. I ran away sobbing hysterically.

I ran outside to my backyard. It was a beautiful sunny breezy fall day. The breeze caressed my wet face giving me the chills. I could not enjoy the beauty of autumn that surrounded me. All the beautiful colors were wasted on me as everything in my life had turned grey to me. I kept staring at the swing set that I would no longer play with Tracy on. I came to the realization that my life would never be the same.

The next morning I woke up still very sad. I heard a lot of movement in the house I sat up thinking maybe my mom had changed her mind and got Tracy back. I ran downstairs to find next to no furniture. My Uncle Bobby was taking boxes outside. I looked outside and I saw a very large truck. All the furniture and boxes were placed in the truck. My mom was leaving my father and we were leaving New York to go to North Carolina. When I hugged my father and said goodbye I did not realize that I would never see him again.

My brother Ritchie took this very hard as well. He wanted to stay with our father. He was especially hateful to me more than ever now as if this was my fault.

Years later I learned that all the children in the home were actually foster kids including Tracy. I also learned that I was once a foster child. My biological mother gave consent for me to be adopted so the only mother I actually ever knew adopted me.

Every autumn I think about Tracy. Many years have passed. I am now forty-eight with a family of my own. I still wonder what became of Tracy. My mom told me she did not know Tracy’s last name. I really had no way to search for him as the Foster care program keeps records private. I wish Tracy the best. I hope he went back to live with his mother and did not get bounced from one foster home to the next.

I lost my first best friend due to circumstances outside our control. Like the leaves that fall in autumn detached by circumstances outside of their control never to be attached again. The wind will blow the leaves further away from the tree until the tree is no longer in sight. Our house in New York was the tree and all in the household were leaves that detached and blew away. Some leaves managed to be bagged together and be carted to North Carolina. The leaves that were not bagged blew away in separate directions never to see the tree or other leaves again.