Scottish independence ‘would be funny’

Polls amongst Edinburgh University students have shifted dramatically recently, indicating that a majority of students will vote Yes in next September’s referendum.

The change has come about due to a ‘Fuck it: it’ll be a laugh’ attitude which independence campaigners have been trying to enforce upon young people because no-one seems to care about the actual arguments posed.

It was brought to the attention of the First Minister, who has been reported to be ready to completely change his arguments in the hope that the less people know the more likely they are to throw him a vote because he looks funny.

Stan Beaveson, a third year Environmental student, said, “Is there going to be an actual referendum? I thought it was all just chat! I’ll probably vote yes because Salmond seems like a right LAD!” When asked about what he thought would happen to the Scottish economy post-independence he answered, “Well Ireland are fucked but they seem to be quite happy about it… I mean, when was the last time you saw a sad Irish person?”

Many ‘Better Together’ campaigners have said that this attitude of a ‘banter independence’ comes from no-one understanding the arguments because of a poor feedback system at Edinburgh University. One member said: “What the hell do they teach at this uni?! No-one has a clue and you’ll ruin this country! Fuck this, I’m moving to Wales, they’ll never have the balls to go independent.”

All the discussions that have been overheard on the university campus have been similar: a balanced debate, with both sides making good points, which is then followed by, “We should just do it for a laugh,” to which all parties agree and burst out in uncontrollable hysterics.

In an exclusive interview with Flipside a Holyrood insider said: “Most MSPs are taking up the same point of view as the students. It makes First Minister’s question a nightmare because even more of them find Smug ‘Eck [aka Alex Salmond] hilarious. But he’s really a big arsehole… You’re not going to quote me on that, are you?… Shit!”