Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Early To Bed, Early To Rise, Makes You Sanctimonious, Pious and Someone To Despise.

Have you ever heard a night person boasting about how much they get done at 2am and that anyone not up at this time is missing the best part of the day? That anyone who slobs about in bed after 10pm is a lazy good for nothing? I doubt it. But in reverse, these are the views I associate with the unfailingly sanctimonious morning person.

I am not of their kind (a morning person that is, I freely admit to being pretty sanctimonious). A quick poll of the people I know very much divides us, placing us in one camp or the other. I am proud to say that on the whole, night people acknowledge the idea that we are all different; that we function better at one end of the day or the other, and we don‘t choose which.

Morning people however…God, where do you start? They’re just so blinkered. How can you trust people who favour yawning and washing up those last few cups (they are always the type to do this) at 9.30pm over a full, life enhancing evening at the pub? Fair do’s, with 24 hour licensing laws now allowing them to nip off for a pint at 7am, in theory they could claim to be having as much fun as the rest of us, but I doubt that’s on their to-do list. We all know who, and which end of the day, those laws were really aimed at.

The other thing that irritates me about morning people is their insistence that others get up at the same time. My dad is one of the main offenders of this ’rise and shine’ tyranny. And he thinks it’s funny. Not once have I ever once burst into someone’s bedroom at midnight sniggering about how it’s time to get up, giggling at their bleary eyed confusion and whipping off the duvet cover while remarking that the bottles of wine in the kitchen won’t drink themselves. And if I ever had at least I’d have intoxication as an excuse. Their behaviour is unpardonable.

So if you are a morning person, I’d like to address this directly to you. The reason that I don’t get up at 6am is not because I am interminably lazy. It’s because I’ve only just gone to bed. And failing to appreciate the quintessence of idyll that is the lie in does not make you noble or more productive, merely the sort of person everyone else wants to avoid. And lastly, what time does the post arrive? I’ve always wondered.