(Closed) They are making me want to pull my hair out…

Quick back story, Mr. Right and I scrapped the big wedding idea in favor of eloping in Jamaica because of the cost of having the wedding we want is more than getting married on the beach and spending 2 weeks in paradise. His family didn’t like that idea, and every objection we had they had a solution for. They agreed to pay for the wedding. Our Jamaica reservations were made for Dec 1-15 of 11 so obviously we have right around a year to get a wedding together. I have made appointments with hotels, to tour, and we are pretty sure we have one picked out, and in the interest of keeping costs low for his family we trimmed our original “big wedding” guest list so that we would only invite around 100 and figure 60-80 will show.

Today I went dress shopping with my fsil, and we found “the dress” I put it on and had that feeling (sorry no pics aloud) and then when I looked at the price tag it was HALF of what I thought it would be. Fsil call fmil just to tell her because we were both excited and fmil threw a fit because the dress was $800… I”M PAYING FOR IT WHAT DOES IT MATTER… It looks like it cost $200. So in interest of keeping the peace I didn’t buy it. So I text fmil and tell her I wanted to think before buying and she says “good we have a lot to talk about”. Come to find out from fsil, fmil is mad because her parents offered to pay for the wedding because she threw a fit about us not having one here…

Oh wow. Please go back and get the perfect dress that makes you feel amazing. That makes me incredibly sad.

That being said, I think that a sit down discussion with whomever is paying for this wedding is needed. It’s your future grandparents? Outline budgets, expected contributions from family members, perhaps breaking up the budget in a way together to figure it out? I mean, deciding together to spend X amount on flowers and then you find that.

I don’t know your FMIL but I would already be tempted to throw my hands up because there is drama this early on in the planning and say ” We are getting married here. Join us on this date or don’t”

im confused – who is paying for the wedding, FMIL or FI’s grandparents????

either way get the dress you love and pay for it yourself. if someone asks about it you say it was a gift from (insert friend you can trust) or say it was $100 – you dont want to let your FMIL start ruling your life, once it starts you will have issues setting boundries

I say let your FMIL throw a fit over the dress. You are the one paying for it, right? It is NONE of her business how much it is. That is a great price on a wedding dress! You do not have to make any excuses, you’re the bride, you get to pick your dress and you’re paying for it. There should be no issue!

@Bostonsmom: Yeah. That’s what I don’t get. Usually people don’t get a say in what they are not paying for. Usually the brides dress is included in that category, correct?

Hmm, perhaps she thinks the poster should purchase a cheaper dress, say for $500, and use that extra $300 for the good of the wedding to lesson the load on the future grand parents. If that’s the case, completely unreasonable without discussing it first.

I really can’t find any other logic for the FMIL behavior. Perhaps I didn’t try hard enough though.

Ok, asked FI to have a talk with Grandpa, and Grandpa is not paying for the whole wedding, only helping which is fine. He told us what his contribution would be and we are all set with that.

FMIL has tried to be supportive of the dress by commenting on a status I had about it on Facebook, then she texts me demanding the maker and style number so that she can find it wholesale. Ha, this dress is way to perfect to take a chance on ordering it online!!! I sent her an e-mail thanking her for her offer but politely refusing that option, reminding her that I was paying for my dress (and most of the wedding that we wanted to have in Jamaica, but are cool with having here to make family happy).