tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2379772099385580642016-12-14T08:03:23.256-08:00Great Names in BaseballAn examination of quirky, excellent and legendary names from the sport of baseball and their most-made-up stories.
Also covered: Baseball, not baseball.Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-49477341916108062702014-01-08T18:59:00.001-08:002014-01-08T18:59:29.191-08:00Garland Buckeye: The magic is gone<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b-aKiJqGBlY/Uscxd9SwgTI/AAAAAAAAEq0/OI3vg4u9hqY/s1600/Garland_Buckeye.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b-aKiJqGBlY/Uscxd9SwgTI/AAAAAAAAEq0/OI3vg4u9hqY/s320/Garland_Buckeye.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo: <a href="http://www.thebaseballpage.com/players/buckega01">TheBaseballPage.com</a></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/buckega01.shtml">Garland Buckeye</a> strode to the Yankee Stadium mound for <a href="http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/1927/B06110NYA1927.htm">a typical Saturday afternoon start</a> against the mighty New York club. The June weather seemed decent enough for the Cleveland Indians southpaw, but he carried no <a href="http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/23800000/Michael-and-GOB-gif-arrested-development-23828065-500-224.gif">illusions</a> about this game's importance. He'd lost his last two starts and knew that <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/managers/mccalja99.shtml">Jack McAllister</a><sup>1</sup> carried no allegiance to his starting rotation. A few bad starts would send you to the bullpen to redeem yourself and against this <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/NYY/1927.shtml">greatest team of all time</a>, a bad start seemed .<br /><br />He'd faced his fate in the game's first two innings, but Buckeye emptied his <a href="http://www.crushable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/a-hundred-pennies-gob-arrested-development.gif">bag of trick</a>s to work around four singles and a walk, keeping the game scoreless. In the third inning, however, Yankees second baseman Ray Morehart led off with a double and Garland had to face Babe Ruth. 1927 Babe Ruth. The Babe Ruth of 60 home runs.<br /><br />The half-filled ballpark <a href="http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/beads-bees.gif">buzzed like bees</a> as Ruth waddled to the plate. Buckeye, the former professional football player<sup>2</sup>, reared back and let loose.<br /><br />Ruth stepped. Ruth swung. Ruth connected. The ball sailed high and deep to right. To the east. <a href="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvas278AIX1qabnl2.jpg">Seaward</a>. Over Nick Cullop, freshly substituted in right field.<br /><br />Home run<sup>3</sup>.<br /><br />Garland held his weathered mitt to his face and shouted incoherently, though news accounts of the day claimed he'd shouted "<a href="http://awesomegifs.com/wp-content/uploads/come-on-gob-arrested-development.gif">Come On!</a>" to no one in particular.<br /><br />Buckeye managed to exit the third inning down only the two runs from the homer and he retired the side in order in the fourth. In the fifth, Morehart led off with a lazy fly Ike Eichrodt in center, bringing up Ruth again.<br /><br />Garland flung the ball again to the round batsmen. The moment his fingertips broke from the seams, the pitcher called "Gob" cast his eyes to the ground. He never heard the bat bruising the ball so viciously and he never turned to watch it soar majestically into the right-field seats.<br /><br />His eyes gazed to the middle-distance beyond the left-handed batters' box.<br /><br />"<a href="http://www.gifcrap.com/g2data/albums/TV/I_ve%20made%20a%20huge%20mistake.gif">I've made a huge mistake</a>," Gob said<sup>4</sup>.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>1</sup> Jack McAllister would only manage the Indians for one year, 1927. His trust in his pitching proved fickle, no starter made more than 30 starts. Maybe that mistrust was merited; the Indians finished the year with just 66 wins. Ironically, this proved to be Garland Buckeye's best season. He'd be out of big-league ball in just over a year.</span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>2</sup>&nbsp;Buckeye <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/B/BuckGa20.htm">played five years of professional football</a>&nbsp;as an offensive guard with the Chicago Tigers and Chicago Cardinals from 1920 to 1924. He would tackle big-league baseball again in 1925 as a burly 260-pound pitcher.</span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup><br /></sup><sup>3</sup>&nbsp;Buckeye gave up 15 home runs in 564 career innings pitched, which is actually not too shabby for the home-run heyday of the 1920s. Of those 15, <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/event_hr.cgi?id=buckega01&amp;t=p">Hall of Famers hit 10 of them</a>. So at least Garland usually only got beat on the long ball by the best.</span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>4</sup>&nbsp;Gob would leave more of a legacy behind than Banana Grabber's lost animation rights potential and a rain of pennies. Modern hurlers <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/p/pomerdr01.shtml">Drew</a> and <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/p/pomerst01.shtml">Stu</a> Pomeranz are both his great-grandsons. And there was even a decent-if-vanilla rock band called <a href="http://www.garlandbuckeye.com/index.php?b=news">Garland Buckeye</a>.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-49338819627000809572012-12-27T15:52:00.003-08:002012-12-27T15:52:58.108-08:00George Gibson's contribution to literature: The 1932 Pittsburgh Pirates<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.corbisimages.com/images/BE058912.jpg?size=67&amp;uid=%7Ba13419b9-2f06-4fac-856d-5470ca048f3c%7D" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.corbisimages.com/images/BE058912.jpg?size=67&amp;uid=%7Ba13419b9-2f06-4fac-856d-5470ca048f3c%7D" width="294" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Literary giant and Pirates' manager George 'Moon' Gibson (right) poses with Honus Wagner and Dodgers' skipper Max Carey. All three played together for the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 1910s.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br />On <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/PIT/PIT193205170.shtml">May 17, 1932</a>, Pittsburgh Pirates<sup>1</sup> manager <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/managers/gibsoge01.shtml">George "Moon" Gibson</a><sup>2</sup> filled out his daily lineup card the same as any other day. Except for the pitcher, the lineup contained the same players as the previous day's batting order<sup>3</sup>. Unlike the prior day, Gibson shuffled his nine to create a poetic quartet--all of whom would end up in the Hall of Fame eventually--at the top of the lineup:<br /><br />L. Waner (CF)<br />P. Waner (RF)<br />Vaughan (SS)<br />Traynor (3B)<br />Barbee (LF)<br />Suhr (1B)<br />Piet (2B)<br />Grace (C)<br />Harris (P)<br /><br />George Gibson created--intentional or not, we'll never know--a work of baseball literature on par with Ernest Thayer's "<a href="http://www.baseball-almanac.com/poetry/po_case.shtml">Casey at the Bat</a>," with Franklin Pierce Adams' "<a href="http://www.baseball-almanac.com/poetry/po_sad.shtml">Baseball's Sad Lexicon</a>," with Bill James' "Historical Baseball Abstract" and with all of those damn <a href="http://c2.bibtopia.com/f/945/592/9780808592945.OL.0.m.jpg">Matt Christopher books</a> the boys in my third-grade class would read for book reports.<br /><br />While Gibson may not have possessed a literary bone in his body, his lasting legacy should come in the form of verse:<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>Waner, Waner, Vaugh'n and Traynor</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>To bat this afternoon.</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>The pitcher's fear be no plainer,</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>This lineup drawn by Moon.</b></div><br /><br />I won't say much about the players themselves, since they're all of Hall of Famers and tens of thousands of words have been inked about each of them. But since they're also Hall of Famers, how about a series of Hall of Fame haiku?<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/w/wanerll01.shtml"><b>Lloyd Waner</b></a><sup>4</sup><br /><sup>&nbsp;&nbsp;</sup><br />He, Little Poison,<br />A gnat in the pitcher's eye.<br />Paul's little brother.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/w/wanerpa01.shtml"><b>Paul Waner</b></a><sup>5</sup><br /><sup>&nbsp;</sup><br />Big Poison--really<br />Not that large--but crushed baseballs.<br />Vicious <a href="http://images.nationalgeographic.com/wpf/media-live/photos/000/007/cache/wolverine_760_600x450.jpg">wolverine</a>.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/v/vaughar01.shtml"><b>Arky Vaughan</b></a><sup>6</sup><br /><sup>&nbsp;</sup><br />An Ozark shortstop,<br />Fleet afoot and million-eyed;<br />Baseball's centipede<sup>6A</sup>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/t/traynpi01.shtml"><b>Pie Traynor</b></a><sup>7</sup><br /><sup>&nbsp;</sup> <br />Ain't no pastry chef<br />Manning the hot corner, only<br />A man they call Pie.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>1</sup> The <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/PIT/1932.shtml">1932 Pirates</a> were a very good baseball team. The big four in the lineup were surrounded by four average hitters, which is usually enough to compete for a pennant. But the pitching was only average, which usually isn't enough to compete. The club probably should have still won the National League pennant in '32, but a 2-15 skid in early August dropped them out of first place for good. They would eventually finish in second place, four games behind the well-balanced <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/CHC/1932.shtml">Chicago Cubs</a>. The juggernaut <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/NYY/1932.shtml">New York Yankees</a> then steamrolled the Cubs 4-0 in the World Series.<sup><br /></sup></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>2</sup> Moon Gibson had been the original tough-as-nails catcher, catching 150 of the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/PIT/1909.shtml">1909 Pirates</a>' 152 games on the way to a dominant, 110-win World Series Championship season. From 1908 to 1910, Gibson caught 95 percent of the Pirates' games, which is an absurd percentage by any era's standards but that number is especially crazy considering that <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/p/pierza.01.shtml">a "tough" modern catcher</a> plays about 80 percent of his team's games. Padding and protection for catchers wasn't very good in 1909 so it's likely that Moon played with bruises, aches, and pains if not a few broken bones. He wasn't a good hitter by any stretch of the imagination, but--like most catchers of the era--he made up for it with ruggedness and solid defense. From the 1910 Baseball Almanac: "Moon plays tougher than any and when the last out is made, he holds his own in a dust-up as well as any pugilist. One of the last season's greatest treats for this author was watching Moon Gibson and Pirates' second sacker Dots Miller work over an entire bar full of rowdy Cincinnati patrons in that city after a doubleheader, of which Gibson had caught both ends. Their fists pumped like knotty cudgels, bludgeoning the Redlegs' faithful like so many cutlets of tenderized meat."<sup>2A</sup><br /><br /> <sup>2A</sup> It's possible this author may have taken some liberties with the truth in this tale.&nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>3</sup> The batting order is actually less-than-ideal if you look at it with <a href="http://www.baseballmusings.com/cgi-bin/LineupAnalysis.py">modern lineup analysis tools</a>. In fact, <a href="http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/article/constructing-lineups/">many</a> <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/index.php/are-league-wide-batting-orders-more-optimized/">interesting</a> <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/index.php/how-significant-is-batting-order/">things</a> have been written about optimizing batting orders, but the bottom line is that order of batters only makes a slight difference over the course of a season. Regardless of how you parse it, I find it strange on the surface that Moon chose the guy with the fewest home runs of the four--Pie Traynor--to bat cleanup. But if you look at the rate statistics, he had an almost identical season to Lloyd Waner and wasn't too far short of Vaughan's output so Traynor makes as much sense as any of the others hitting there.<sup><br /></sup></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>4</sup> OK, I can't resist a few words on these Hall of Famers...Lloyd Waner would have a difficult time getting into the Hall of Fame today and would be considered a borderline candidate. But nepotism doesn't hurt; part of his fame derived from playing in the Pirates' outfield alongside his brother and having a killer brother-related nickname. It's noteworthy that Waner only struck out 173 times in more than 8,000 plate appearances.<sup><br /></sup></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>5</sup> Paul Waner was the older and better of the Poison brothers. Playing in the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forbes_Field#Playing_field">spacious Forbes Field</a>, Waner hit lots of doubles (62 of them 1932) and more than 10 triples in each of his first 10 seasons. Like his brother, he seldom struck out, but he also walked much more often, finishing with a career line of .333/.404/.473. He hung on in the majors into his 40s as the big-league ranks thinned during the early 1940s when the young, able-bodied men who usually make the best ballplayers went off to fight in Europe and the Pacific.<sup><br /></sup></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>6</sup> Arky Vaughan would be regarded as one of the best shortstops in history if he hadn't missed three years in his 30s because of a dispute with Dodgers manager Leo Durocher. Vaughan was the bastion of plate discipline and walked three times more often than he struck out as the Pirates infielder. He was also an above-average fielder and was what would now be called "the complete package." He should have been the 1935 NL Most Valuable Player after batting .385/.491/.607, but voters favored the pennant-winning Cubs' catcher Gabby Hartnett. Vaughan was just a 20-year-old rookie in 1932.<sup><br /></sup></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>6A</sup> OK, so centipedes are mostly blind and can only generally tell light and dark. But they have compound eyes and detect most things by feel from antennae. Also, venom. <sup>&nbsp;</sup></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>7 </sup>Pie Traynor, like Lloyd Waner, would have a tough time convincing Hall-of-Fame voters today that he is worthy of enshrinement. He was similar to Waner in many ways: a guy who hit mostly singles and struck out infrequently but also didn't really draw walks. What got him into the Hall were two things: longevity and high RBI totals. Traynor drove in more than 100 runs seven times, which speaks as much to his teammates as to his ability. Traynor was still a solid hitter at what was normally considered a defensive position and was only surpassed as a third baseman by muscleman Eddie Mathews. Traynor played his entire career with the Pirates and a was a popular figure at Forbes Field. After baseball, he announced for both baseball and pro wrestling. Awesome.</span></span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-82939513748864356912012-12-26T09:56:00.001-08:002012-12-26T09:56:27.660-08:00Obligatory holiday post: Christmas carols editionLast year <a href="http://greatnamesinbaseball.blogspot.com/2011/12/steve-christmas-to-all-and-to-all.html">we wished you a Steve Christmas</a>; this year, enjoy some of our favorite winter tunes: <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Q7mZ0HmjXtY/Ty_7t4PF7OI/AAAAAAAACAQ/0o_L2ai8oAg/s1600/OBAK_9_12_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Q7mZ0HmjXtY/Ty_7t4PF7OI/AAAAAAAACAQ/0o_L2ai8oAg/s320/OBAK_9_12_2.jpg" width="228" /></a></div><br /><br />Have a <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/hollyje01.shtml">Holly</a>, <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/j/jollesm01.shtml">Jolley</a> Christmas<br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/harkemi01.shtml">Harkey</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/baineha01.shtml">Harold</a> <a href="http://www.moviefancentral.com/images/pictures/review57954/52113391.jpg?1326414084">Angels</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/singebi01.shtml">Singer</a><br /><br />A <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/c/causewa01.shtml">Wayne</a> in a <a href="http://www.nationalsarmrace.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/WeaverEarlOrioles-unknown-via-cnnsi.com_.jpg">Manager</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/brownbo01.shtml">Carroll</a> of the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/pl/player_search.cgi?search=belliard">Belliards</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/d/deckejo01.shtml">Decker</a> the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/hallajo01.shtml">Halla</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/t/thomafr01.shtml">Frosty</a> the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/snodgfr01.shtml">Snow</a>-man<br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/j/joynewa01.shtml">Joyner</a> to the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/m/mitchke01.shtml">World</a><br /><br />O <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/g/goodra01.shtml">Holy</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/k/knighjo02.shtml">Knight</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Merry somethingorother! </b><br /><br />Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-51524758415851871042012-12-05T09:46:00.000-08:002012-12-05T09:47:40.902-08:00A Tale of Two Rabbits<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YWVxQGfaMPU/UL-GWLW7mfI/AAAAAAAADhI/mxjRR_Z8728/s1600/gnib_rabbits.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YWVxQGfaMPU/UL-GWLW7mfI/AAAAAAAADhI/mxjRR_Z8728/s400/gnib_rabbits.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />Somehow, the annals of history include two "Rabbit" Robinsons: <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/r/robinra01.shtml">William Clyde Robinson</a>, an early 20th Century utility infielder, and<a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Paul-Rabbit-Robinson/48232419602"> Paul Robinson</a>, a sexxy Australian fiddler.<br /><br />Let's compare the famous Robinsons of the family <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabbit">Leporidae</a>. <br /><br /><br /><table border="1"><tbody><tr><td><b><br /></b></td><td>Rabbit Robinson, Infielder</td><td>Rabbit Robinson, Sexxy fiddler</td></tr><tr><td><b>Years in the big leagues</b></td><td>1903-1904, 1910</td><td>2008-Present</td></tr><tr><td><b>Born in</b></td><td><a href="http://r-and-n-foster.home.comcast.net/%7Er-and-n-foster/bmw/WV2008/IMG_2225.jpg">West Virginia</a>, haven for American hillbillies</td><td><a href="http://www.fishingwithcliff.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Australian-Redneck.jpg">Australia</a>, haven for the Southern Hemisphere's hillbillies</td></tr><tr><td><b>Career Highlights</b></td><td>Fourth-best player on the wretched <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/DET/1904.shtml">1904 Detroit Tigers</a><sup>1</sup>. Subsequently released.</td><td>Played "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KByZFaK0n9Y">The Devil Went Down to Georgia</a>" while already well south of Georgia.</td></tr><tr><td><b>Appearance</b></td><td>Meek and reserved</td><td>Sexy virtuoso (The "<a href="http://industrym.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/SteveVai.jpg">Steve Vai</a>")</td></tr><tr><td><b>Career home runs</b></td><td>1, hit off one-year garbage pitcher <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/d/deerijo01.shtml">John Deering</a> in 1903</td><td>Many, with the fine fiddle-fan ladies Down Under</td></tr><tr><td><b>Positions Played</b></td><td>Third base, shortstop, outfield, second base</td><td>Duh...Fiddlers only play lead. There's no such thing as a rhythm violinist.</td></tr><tr><td><b>Nickname origin</b></td><td>A diminutive player (5'6") who was also fleet afoot</td><td>Humps a lot.</td></tr><tr><td><b>Used electricity to...</b></td><td>...improve his empty-bottle throwing accuracy in saloons, via the lightbulb.</td><td>To amplify his hot fiddlin'.</td> </tr><tr><td><b>Weapons of choice</b></td><td>A battered leather glove and a belly full of grit<sup>2</sup></td><td>A golden fiddle strung with the hopes and dreams of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ute_%28vehicle%29">Ute</a>-driving masses</td> </tr></tbody></table><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>1</sup> Robinson was a regular fill-in on the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/WSH/1903.shtml">1903 Washington Senators</a>, perennial cellar dwellers who, at the time, struggled to win one-fourth of their games. Rabbit moved up to the next-to-last-place Tigers in '04. While he played more than 100 games for Detroit, he filled i at several different positions.&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>2</sup></span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">As he was from West Virginia, Rabbit was also keen on a belly full of grits.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-40396488736390685732012-11-21T06:52:00.004-08:002012-11-21T06:53:41.341-08:00A Holiday Post featuring Turkey Mike Donlin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://baseballhistoryblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Mike-Donlin-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="378" src="http://baseballhistoryblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Mike-Donlin-3.jpg" width="362" /></a></div><br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/d/donlimi01.shtml">Turkey Mike Donlin</a> is thankful that he doesn't have to add your blood to the list of debaucherous stains on his gameday sweater, even though it would make a nice complement to the sticky brown of tobacco and the ever-fading patches of whiskey from benders past.<br /><br />But if you snap a picture of him like that again, you may no longer possess a shutter-opening finger, if you know what Turkey Mike means. Nobody gives two craps about him the rest of the year even though he was a key part of the New York Giants' first World Series win in 1905, so stop with all the attention nowsabouts.<br /><br /><br />Instead, enjoy your Thanksgiving with some <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/bailesw01.shtml">Sweetbreads</a> to <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/briodfa01.shtml">plump yourself up</a>. <br /><br /><br />Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-7231929556886278902012-05-15T08:21:00.001-07:002012-05-15T08:21:14.976-07:00Dick Selma: Dummy of misfortune<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UbTCiVRaNuE/T7Jz899SHCI/AAAAAAAACpc/0w87h-CKdtM/s1600/dickselma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UbTCiVRaNuE/T7Jz899SHCI/AAAAAAAACpc/0w87h-CKdtM/s400/dickselma.jpg" width="326" /></a></div><br />Luck is a fickle thing in big-league baseball, in case you hadn't noticed. As if the game itself didn't have enough of it, sometimes where players end up is a matter of luck.<br /><br />Pitcher <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/sheasp01.shtml">Spec "The Naugatuck Nugget" Shea</a> was an average pitcher over the course of his career, but he managed to get signed by the New York Yankees just after World War II. Playing in parts of four seasons with New York, Shea won three World Series rings ('47, '49 and '51). But the Naugatuck Nugget's good luck ran out in May 1952 when the Yankees sent him to play for the lowly Washington Senators.<br /><br />Some players--like pitcher <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/selmadi01.shtml">Dick Selma</a>--never got the chance to have any good luck. Over 10 seasons in the big leagues, Selma's ERA+ of 100 renders him a perfectly average pitcher of his era. And in those 10 seasons, Selma pitched for six different clubs. So the law of averages would make one think that he played for three winning teams and three losing teams or perhaps played for five seasons on a winning team. Right? <br /><br />Wrong. Very wrong.<br /><br />Only once did Selma's team compile a better-than-.500 record. And that one winning season stands as perhaps the most dramatic and unforgettable late-season flop in baseball history.<br /><br />The kid from Fresno signed with the fledgling <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/NYM/1963.shtml">1963 New York Mets</a>. Selma debuted for the Mets by 1965 and would spend the next four seasons jumping back and forth between the rotation and the bullpen, the big-league club and the minors. In that time, the Mets averaged just 62.5 wins per season, although under <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=gil+hodges&amp;ie=utf-8&amp;oe=utf-8&amp;aq=t&amp;rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&amp;client=firefox-a">Gil Hodges</a>' leadership, the Mets had won 73 games in 1968 and looked much improved. Selma&nbsp; pitched very well in 1968 and appeared poised to be in the middle of the Mets' rotation.<br /><br />But it was not to be; the brand-new San Diego Padres drafted Selma in the expansion draft's fifth round. Like any other expansion club, the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/SDP/1969.shtml">1969 Padres </a>were awful, but Selma did not endure the club long. Before April had ended, San Diego shipped Dick to the Cubs for, among others, promising young knuckleballer <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/n/niekrjo01.shtml">Joe Niekro</a>.<br /><br />Selma found the Cubs to his liking. In his first five starts with the Cubs, Selma pitched two shutouts and had soon picked up an 8-2 record working as a reliever and spot starter. Cubs fans took a liking to Selma, who acted as a cheerleader to the Cubs' faithful Bleacher Bums. Because of Selma's constant chattering, his teammates called him <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkrzFQc3BgA">Mortimer Snerd</a><sup>1</sup> after ventriloquist's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Bergen">Edgar Bergen's </a>famous dummy. But it looked like Selma had finally found a winner; the Cubs stood alone in first place at July's end.<br /><br />And then the club began those two months that permanently broke many Cubs fans' hearts. Selma's first three appearances in August resulted in two wins and a save, but the North Siders nose-dived from there. From August 22 until the end of September, Selma lost five straight decisions while the first-place Cubs watched their division lead erode and then vanish. To the Mets, the previously losing team for which Selma had labored for six years (including the two in the minors).<br /><br />The Miracle Mets overtook the Cubs early in September and never looked back, but the final chapter of this saga came in game <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/CHN/CHN196910010.shtml">No. 162</a> of the 1969 season, when the Mets played the Cubs at Wrigley Field on October 1. The game meant little to the season's outcome; the Mets had long since clinched the division title, but the Cubs faithful wanted one last vengeful win against their tormentors. The teams traded runs early in the game to make it a 3-3 tie after eight innings. A two-run double by <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/a/ageeto01.shtml">Tommy Agee</a> in the top of the ninth soured the hopes of the Wrigley crowd. The Cubs rallied in the bottom of the inning--off some kid named <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/r/ryanno01.shtml">Nolan Ryan</a>--to knot the score again and send it to extra innings, where neither team scored in the 10th or 11th.<br /><br />In the 12th, Cubs' skipper <a href="http://www.317am.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/leo-d.jpg">Leo Durocher</a> called on Mortimer Snerd to hold the game. The inning's leadoff hitter, light-hitting shortstop <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/harrebu01.shtml">Bud Harrelson</a>, roped a double to left. The next hitter was Agee, who grounded to second base, moving Harrelson to third. Durocher, having seen enough, yanked Selma from the game. His replacement was <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/a/aguirha01.shtml">Hank Aguirre</a>, who promptly served up an RBI single to <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/shamsar01.shtml">Art Shamsky</a>. Despite another rally, the Cubs failed to score in the bottom of the 12th and their season mercifully ended. Having allowed the run-scoring batter to reach base, Selma was charged with one last loss, his sixth in a row to end the disastrous season. It was Selma's last appearance on a "winning" team.<br /><br />Perhaps for his own protection<sup>2</sup>, the Cubs dealt him to Philadelphia, where he'd pitch in relief for the abysmal Phillies for the next four seasons, having two good years and two bad. His inability to stay quiet finally got the better of him, as a Phillies' traveling secretary once <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/bullpen/Dick%20Selma">punched</a> Mortimer Snerd in the jaw for making an off-color remark.<br /><br />Selma's final two seasons proved even more turbulent: The Phillies cut him loose early in 1973. Two weeks later, he caught on with the St. Louis Cardinals in the minors, only to be purchased by the California Angels at season's end.<br /><br />He made a few ineffective appearances for the Angles in 1974 before the Milwaukee Brewers purchased him, only to return him after two devastating appearances. Mortimer Snerd has become defective merchandise, returned like a broken microwave. Not that any of it mattered in the grand scheme of baseball history; none of the teams Selma played on from 1970 to 1974 won more than 73 games in a season<sup>3</sup>.<br /><br />After a couple of tough minor-league seasons, Selma left big-league ball and caught on with the <a href="http://www.goldpanners.com/Scrapbook/s/selma-dick_78.html">Alaska Goldpanners</a> for at least the <a href="http://www.goldpanners.com/Seasons/1978/roster.html">1978 season</a><sup>4</sup>. He ended his playing days shortly thereafter and Selma coached baseball in the Fresno area, where he'd grown up. He <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2001/09/01/sports/dick-selma-baseball-player-57.html">died</a> in 2001 from liver cancer.<br /><br />Through 1971, Dick Selma's 112 ERA+ renders him an above-average pitcher; his final few seasons of ineffectiveness brought his career ERA+ down to 100<sup>5</sup>, which is considered perfectly average.<br /><br />But history seems to forget those who don't play for winners. So the next time some dreadful jerk mentions the 1969 baseball season, you'll think of Dick Selma and his tough luck. And take some solace that, exactly&nbsp; a year after his last loss as a Cub, Selma <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/PHI/PHI197010010.shtml">won an extra inning game</a> for the Phillies.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>1</sup>Great Names in Baseball would be remiss if we did not take this opportunity acknowledge the wicked awesome 1970s rock band <a href="http://www.mortimersnerdtheband.com/index.html">Mortimer Snerd</a>, who are forever immortalized in one of the great modern literary works for being perhaps the first Kiss cover band and in an autobiographical website that describes them as having a "meteoric rise." By this, we assume the author means they were rocky and ferric. The Mortimer Snerd website conspicuously fails to mention how much tail the band got, which everyone knows is the true measure of 1970s rock and roll success. However, the site states that a reunion is "Coming Soon..." on June 6, 2010. GNIB, for one, looks forward to it and would like to know where tickets are available. Please take our money.</span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>2</sup>Actually, we're not sure anyone can be sent to the Phillies "for protection." <a href="http://teamtobeat.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/ept_sports_mlb_experts-82067099-1287391321.jpg">Phillies' fans</a> are notoriously two-faced, relentless, and mean.</span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>3</sup> In actuality, the 1<a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/MIL/1974.shtml">974 Brewers</a> won 76 games, but Selma only made two terrible token trips to the hill.</span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>4</sup> While in Alaska, Selma played with future World Series winning manager <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/managers/francte01.shtml">Terry "Tito" Francona</a>.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>5</sup> This is a common statistical phenomenon known as "decline." Baseball nerds have <a href="http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/article/how-do-baseball-players-age-part-1/">studied the phenomenon in-depth</a>, but the relevant idea here is that Selma's peak came very early and his decline very precipitously.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-66556881761712717382012-05-07T12:36:00.001-07:002012-05-07T13:30:32.248-07:00John Stearns: Bad Dude<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a2mUq4XaNNs/TvtxAks3IBI/AAAAAAAACNM/d4MzTOoHQJY/s1600/john%2Bstearns%2Bshea.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691266808778530834" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a2mUq4XaNNs/TvtxAks3IBI/AAAAAAAACNM/d4MzTOoHQJY/s400/john%2Bstearns%2Bshea.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 359px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 384px;" /></a><br />It is a well-established fact that starting a sentence with "it is" creates a sense of grammatical ambiguity. It is also a well-established fact that anyone whose nickname is "Bad Dude" cares little for grammar and is likely illiterate.<br /><br />Which is why I feel completely confident in taking creative liberty with the story of former New York Mets catcher <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/stearjo01.shtml">John "Bad Dude" Stearns</a><sup>1</sup>, a four-time All-Star on some of the worst Mets' clubs of all time.<br /><br />Stearns was forged by the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J%C3%B6tunn">jotunn</a> from the fires of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muspelheim">Muspelheim</a>. Information that points to Stearns' birth as a natural occurrence in 1951 in Denver was also forged, although for this the jotunn instead used a fountain pen and an <a href="http://www.paradoxplace.com/Photo%20Pages/UK/Britain_Church_Books/Images/British%20Museum/deHamel-Scribes/deHamel-Scribes-BAR500.jpg">early form of facsimile machine</a>.<br /><br />The norse gods created Bad Dude as a mere mortal, though he was meant to do their bidding and to enforce the gods' rule over men. They granted Stearns nearly unlimited strength, which he used in sporting contests to crush men's wills. As a linebacker on the University of Colorado football team, he removed an opposing receiver's spleen through sheer force. One shocked teammate remarked, "That's bad, dude."<br /><br />Stearns, illiterate and his brain cavity clogged by spare muscle, echoed the phrase, "Bad dude?"<br /><br />After being drafted by the Philadelphia Phillies in 1973, Bad Dude blasted through the minor leagues, leaving a trail of broken pitchers in his wake. He played a single game with the Phillies in 1973 before being traded to the New York Mets in the offseason.<br /><br />Stearns remained with the Mets for the rest of his career, where he proved to be an above-average hitter, a solid defender and a capable receiver in spite of his muscle-clogged cranium. Opponents regarded him as a hard-nosed player, and he led the National League in <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/not/index.php/dan-reichert-leading-league-in-assassinations/">Pirates of the Base Resistance Kill (POBRK) and Garrison Opportunities (GARR)</a> in several years.<br /><br />After hanging up his cleats in 1984, the jotunn finally agreed to grant Stearns a brain. In the time since, he's been a scout, manager and coach for several organizations. He also has come to grips with his role as a puppet for the Norse gods and has begun lobbying the United Nations for his international organization, Creating Awareness for the Abuses of Norse Gods (CAFANG).<br /><br />Read a recent feature story on John "Bad Dude" Stearns <a href="http://www.denverpost.com/catchingupwith/ci_6329384?source=bb">here</a>.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>1</sup> Not to be confused with <a href="http://www.johnstearns.com/music-2/">John Stearns</a>, who is definitely not a Bad Dude. Also, Bad Dude's resemblance to <a href="http://www.fluffytails.ca/ritter/dating.jpg">John Ritter</a> is merely coincidental.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-75100611821580561032012-03-22T08:06:00.004-07:002012-03-22T08:09:56.667-07:00Good news everyone!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2D3DHng3vaw/T2tADIC_2GI/AAAAAAAACTQ/Gf-6gH7eiVA/s1600/professor-farnsworth1.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 258px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2D3DHng3vaw/T2tADIC_2GI/AAAAAAAACTQ/Gf-6gH7eiVA/s320/professor-farnsworth1.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5722738173948188770" border="0" /></a><br />Baseball-Reference now hosts Negro League stats! You can find the main Negro Leagues page <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/nlb/">here</a>.<br /><br />Be sure to read the attributes and explanations, because a lot of people put a lot of work into the collection of the stats and will continue to do so, as the gathering of information is a work in progress.Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-22299604229793550822012-03-12T13:31:00.003-07:002012-03-12T13:33:12.590-07:00Milkman Jim Turner: 'I am your father'<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SKd9mHGh8rQ/Tzrq-3KoDzI/AAAAAAAACP0/kM4NYFu1eJs/s1600/milkmanjim.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 315px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SKd9mHGh8rQ/Tzrq-3KoDzI/AAAAAAAACP0/kM4NYFu1eJs/s320/milkmanjim.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5709133843326832434" border="0" /></a><br />Everyone loves an underdog in sports. That's why the sports media had a coverage-gasm over Jeremy Lin. And why a documentary was made about <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0265662/">Dennis Quaid</a>'s brief pitching career<sup>1</sup>.<br /><br />But Quaid has nothing on <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/t/turneji01.shtml">Milkman Jim Turner</a>, who spent 14 season in the independent minor leagues before arriving as a 33-year-old rookie in 1937. In those 14 seasons, he won more than 200 games and threw more than 2700 innings.<br /><br />When he debuted in 1937, he shocked the baseball world by winning 20 games on a mediocre <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/BSN/1937.shtml">Boston Bees</a> club and leading the league in ERA, complete games, shutouts and WHIP. He would almost certainly have been Rookie of the Year if that prize had existed at the time. As it was, he finished 4th in the MVP voting behind established veterans (and future Hall of Famers) <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/m/medwijo01.shtml">Joe "Ducky" Medwick</a>, <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/hartnga01.shtml">Gabby "Gabby" Hartnett</a> and <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/hubbeca01.shtml">Carl "Telescoping" Hubbell</a>.<br /><br />Milkman struggled for a couple years afterward with the Bees, but he found his top form again in 1940 with the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/CIN/1940.shtml">Cincinnati Reds</a>. At 36 years old, Turner helped the Reds win the World Series.<br /><br />If not for the war, he would almost certainly have been done after 1942. But because he was too old to be drafted, he hung around until 1945 as a reliever for the Yankees<sup>2</sup>. The Yankees sent him to the minors in 1946 and he was finally done pitching early in 1947 at the tender age of 43.<br /><br />As many ballplayers of his era did, Jim Turner worked a steady job in the offseason. As his nickname would suggest, he <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T8DB40LTrlU/TrhNcExGksI/AAAAAAAABUE/oYXn8YpM8xs/s1600/milkman%2B%25281%2529.jpeg">delivered the goods</a> weekly to the housewives of his hometown, Nashville. And if you're from that country music crossroads, he is probably your <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/e/ea/Al_Lewis_01.jpg/220px-Al_Lewis_01.jpg">grandfather</a><sup>3</sup>.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><sup>1</sup> Far be it from me to discourage cheering for underdogs; I, too, enjoy rooting for <a href="http://www.jimrome.com/cimages/var/ezjimrome/storage/images/repository/photos/evan-longoria-2011-walk-off-homer-that-clinches-al-wild-card/375664-1-eng-US/Evan-Longoria-2011-Walk-Off-Homer-that-clinches-AL-Wild-Card_photo_medium.jpg">the plucky Tampa Bay Rays</a>. And, if you believe the broadcasting coverage of the 2005 American League Division Series, <a href="http://cache2.artprintimages.com/p/LRG/15/1557/JW6DD00Z/art-print/2005-white-sox-world-series-champions-celebration.jpg">my team of preference</a> were the underdogs. Nevermind that they had the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/leagues/AL/2005.shtml">best record</a> and <a href="http://cache2.artprintimages.com/p/LRG/14/1434/HQCR000Z/art-print/2005-white-sox-big-4-pitchers.jpg">pitching staff</a> in the league that year; there was no way they could overcome the amazing story of <a href="http://www.800lbtees.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/f/i/file_3.jpg">The Nation</a>. The narrative-creating national media will not be denied their story, whether or not it has any resemblance to reality.<br /><br /><br /><sup>2</sup> This was a common theme in wartime baseball. With the peak-aged players mostly being drafted, teams hung onto players who would otherwise have been out of the game. It generated less-than-ideal competition on the field, but America's pastime carried on while the war raged. Go <a href="http://www.baseballinwartime.com/">here</a> for an Internet site dedicate solely to baseball during World War II.<br /><br /><sup>3</sup> Naturally, this is just another example of supposition. You wish your grandpa was as cool as Milkman Jim.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-56483198389219396422012-02-14T18:20:00.000-08:002012-02-14T18:41:34.278-08:00Dick Burns: Happy VD!!!<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ciErMRoe-B0/TzsbW9c4n_I/AAAAAAAACQA/AVRao0DxHDc/s1600/Dick_Burns.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 90px; height: 135px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ciErMRoe-B0/TzsbW9c4n_I/AAAAAAAACQA/AVRao0DxHDc/s320/Dick_Burns.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5709187033889021938" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Nineteenth Century base ballist <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/burnsdi01-pitch.shtml">Dick Burns</a> wishes you a bountiful and lecherous Feast of St. Valentine's! The <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sinister-handed">sinister-handed</a> twirler asks that you take protective precautions to prevent your prurient provocations from prying rivals. That is, be sure to load your <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdHnGyU1yJQ">derringer</a> to ward off other libidinous pursuers of that special Valentine's <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jezebel">jezebel</a> on whom you've set your sights.<br /></div></div>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-82979163452337703042012-02-07T12:11:00.000-08:002012-02-07T12:16:13.122-08:00Orator Shafer: The rhetorical device of never shutting up<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hyiFM9IrA3c/TyxL9GYb8qI/AAAAAAAACPQ/lTRALEAaOlE/s1600/Orator_Shafer.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 90px; height: 135px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hyiFM9IrA3c/TyxL9GYb8qI/AAAAAAAACPQ/lTRALEAaOlE/s320/Orator_Shafer.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5705018341028786850" border="0" /></a><br />Right fielder <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/shaffor01.shtml">George "Orator" Shafer</a> earned his nickname by engaging in long soliloquys on the nature of the game (and other topics of interest) betwixt innings. If a contest fell to doldrums, Shafer would even halt play during an at-bat to recite impromptu poetry on the connection between the ball's stitches, which held the leather hide on, and the ball itself, which held together the fabric of communities. He invented the seventh-inning stretch's precursor, regularly reading prepared pages after the fifth inning's conclusion.<br /><br />Crowds enjoyed the recitations, and the roughshod partisans honored Orator's orations by hurling coins at him and, later, by insisting he run for mayor of Philadelphia under the Discourse Party ticket<sup>1</sup>. Orator also invented the phrase "Lecture Circuit" as a means of describing the 1880s National League.<br /><br />He was universally loved and accepted and lived the rest of his life in glory...<br /><br />...which is all patently false, excepting his name. In fact, he picked up the nickname from being a particularly chatty player<sup>2</sup>. Players of the era were almost universally suspicious of talkative players<sup>3</sup>, so Shafer was apparently not very popular. In 13 professional seasons, he played with 9 different clubs.<br /><br />He not only talked to umpires, teammates and opponents, but also he apparently talked to himself. Most teammates preferred these one-person, two-sided conversations. They preferred it so much that Shafer, a top-notch third baseman<sup>4</sup>, was relegated to right field because he annoyed the living hell out of them. Orator occasionally found conversational partners, who soon wearied of Shafer's braggadocio.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Who's Who Among Base Ballists 1883</span> included this about Orator Shafer's screeds:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">"Cleveland teammates frequently remarked that Shafer loves to talk about his own exploits, but moreso he loves to talk about the exploits of his many children from many mothers. Cleveland hurler <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/bradlge01.shtml">George Bradley</a> added that Shafer once began every statement for two hours 'My illegitimate child this...' and 'My illegitimate child that...' League rumors abound that Shafer's gonads are actually sterile and the claims are empty posturing.<br /><br />Orator Shafer, ne'er in need of social lubricants, partakes in spirits nonetheless, frequently to his own detriment. In a well-known instance, he challenged diminutive second baseman <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/q/questjo01.shtml">Joe Quest</a> to a drinking contest before a doubleheader against the Cincinnati Reds. The contest's score remains unclear, but the outcome does not. Quest, weary of Shafer's rambling tongue, ended the contest by bludgeoning the Orator with the half-empty bottle, spraying shards and brown liquor everywhere within 20 feet of home plate, where the contest was occurring."</span><br /><br />Orator Shafer, however, was a pretty good young player<sup>5</sup>. He had his best seasons from 1877 to 1880, a period of four seasons in which he played for four separate National League clubs (Louisvile Grays, Indianapolis Blues, Chicago White Stockings, Cleveland Taupes<sup>6</sup>). In that period, he hit .297/.322/.385 with an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On-base_plus_slugging#Adjusted_OPS_.28OPS.2B.29">OPS+</a> of 129. His services were well above-average then, including a red-hot 1878 in Indianapolis.<br /><br />His skills quickly declined, however, and Shafer jumped the National League ship in 1884, heading for the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/leagues/UA/1884.shtml">Unicorn Association</a>, where he was a star for the St. Louis Maroons. When the Association folded at season's end, the Maroons returned to the NL and Shafer proved washed up. He played a little for the American Association's Philadelphia Athletics in the two years thereafter but then disappeared for three years.<br /><br />He resurfaced again in 1890 to play decently in 100 games, but Orator called it quits and took his talking talents to the race track, where he worked as a bookie.<br /><br />He died of <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=verbal%20diarrhea">verbal diarrhea</a> in 1922.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><sup>1</sup> Shafer lost the election due to salary concerns, which largely surrounded his inadequate pay to purchase a plurality of votes.<br /><br /><sup>2</sup> This was, however, somewhat true of Hall of Famer <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/o/o%27rouji01.shtml">"Orator" Jim O'Rourke</a>, one of Shafer's contemporaries. O'Rourke, a learned gentleman, frequently espoused his point of view through both impromptu rhetoric and well-rehearsed passages. Bill James, in his Historical Abstract, notes that Orator Jim's pregame ritual involved reciting Hamlet's famous soliloquy. O'Rourke is famous for, among many other things, playing a single game for John McGraw's New York Giants in 1904<sup>2A</sup>. Orator Jim was 53 at the time, and his 1-for-4 performance gives him the legacy of being the oldest man to hit safely in a major league game. Read Orator Jim's story <a href="http://sabr.org/bioproj/person/b7e9aba2">here</a>. O'Rourke again <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_O%27Rourke_%28musician%29">made a name for himself</a> as a prominent member of the Louisville<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaDfGFW6MZo"> noise/math rock community</a> in the 1990s and later as a record producer. He still records and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2c2XblYcOc">tours</a>, despite being the relatively advanced age of 161.<br /><br /><sup>2A</sup> At the time, Orator Jim was actually running a club in his hometown, the aptly named <a href="http://members.tripod.com/bb_catchers/catchers/orourkej2.jpg">Bridgeport Orators</a> of the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/league.cgi?id=5d037f09">Connecticut State League</a>. Orator Jim played occasionally on the Orators until 1909, when he was 58. Orator's Orators also rostered his son, <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/o/o%27rouqu01.shtml">Queenie O'Rourke</a>, for several years. Minor league superstar/resident giant <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/player.cgi?id=ladd--001art">Hi Ladd</a> was an Orator for 10 seasons from 1902-1911 some years after a <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/l/laddhi01.shtml">brief tria</a>l with a couple big league clubs.<br /><br /><sup>3</sup> Once again, I am unable to substantiate this claim. But really, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCUfVP_4Yqc">nobody likes a man who runs his mouth constantly</a>.<br /><br /><sup>4</sup> Perhaps it's a stretch to consider Shafer a "good" third baseman, given that his fielding percentage in 148 games there was awful: .798. Granted, third base is a tough position to play with a modern glove, let alone doing it barehanded or with the primitive mitts of the 1880s. But Orator Shafer was perhaps too busy bragging about his illegitimate children, who were far more violent than those of <a href="http://greatnamesinbaseball.blogspot.com/2011/07/great-names-in-baseball-dad-clarkson.html">Dad Clarkson</a>.<br /><br /><sup>5</sup> According to <a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-8LquqaYAcvs/TjnDtFpJE2I/AAAAAAAAAeM/hTl7FRcYRLA/orator_shafer_1877_outstanding_hitter_award.png">this</a> bizarre and creepy rendering of him<sup>5A</sup>, Orator Shafer was 1877's Top Hitter or something, which is the second-most awesome champion-related title for any base ballist. The first, of course, is everybody's dream title: <a href="http://rlv.zcache.com/america_baseball_champions_1865_card-p137708293035374171z857a_400.jpg">Champion of America</a>.<br /><br /><sup>5A</sup> That screenshot is from something called <a href="http://www.ootpdevelopments.com/out-of-the-park-baseball/index.php">Out of The Park Baseball</a>, a sort of game played on a video screen. I know very little about it, but would appreciate someone of experience with it pontificating on its merits and drawbacks.<br /><br /><sup>6</sup> The Cleveland club was actually called the Blues. Team nicknames at the time were mostly based around uniform color and/or attributes rather than <a href="http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/d/detroit_tigers_logo-9379.gif">predatory animals</a>, <a href="http://www.centerfieldgate.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/washington_senators_04.gif">mystical beings</a>, <a href="http://metsreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/rockies.jpg">geographical features</a> or <a href="http://www.sports-logos-screensavers.com/user/MinnesotaTwins2.jpg">siblings</a>.<br /></span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-28784166302787169322012-02-01T12:24:00.000-08:002012-02-01T12:25:28.319-08:00Sam Wise: Nice gams, gee<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IS8bdLShvHY/Tyb4j7tS-gI/AAAAAAAACPE/C7ZeIEfVcv4/s1600/samwise.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IS8bdLShvHY/Tyb4j7tS-gI/AAAAAAAACPE/C7ZeIEfVcv4/s320/samwise.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703519274318100994" border="0" /></a><br />Many years before an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._R._R._Tolkien">English man invented nerd</a>s, a young gardener<sup>1</sup> from Akron named Sam Wise underwent an arduous journey...<br /><br />Young <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/w/wisesa01.shtml">Sam Wise</a>, nicknamed "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modoc_people">Modoc</a>," was a top-notch semi-professional ballplayer on his hometown club, which at one time also included Tony Mullane. In 1882, he left home for the faraway land of Boston, where he played several infield positions for the Beaneaters. Wise struck out a great deal in his first years with the club and seldom drew a base on balls. In 1884, Boston skipper <a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lllsayM7YI1qkrl62o1_400.jpg">John Morrill</a> proclaimed: "One does not simply walk Modoc<sup>2</sup>."<br /><br />Wise eventually dumped the Beaneaters' Fellowship in 1890 to play for the Buffalo Bisons of the <a href="http://www.tube-video.com/wp-content/uploads/mvbthumbs/img_6758_playas-association-t-shirt-panties-baby-beesh-jay-tee-psd.jpg?e116a5">Players League</a>. When the Players League collapsed after its inaugural season, he ventured to the mysterious land of the Orioles, where a dwarf named <a href="http://images.wikia.com/lotr/images/5/57/Gimli_at_the_siege_of_moria.jpg">John McGraw</a> taught Sam Wise the wonders of distilled spirits, broads and extreme ire. Sam fared poorly in this environ, however, and soon faced despair in 1892 with no club in which to be quartered.<br /><br />But he redeemed himself in 1893 by returning to the National League as the Washington Senators' second baseman. Wise batted .311/.375/.457 that year and walked nearly twice as much as he struck out<sup>3</sup>. But the highlight of his career came that season when Sam Wise saved teammate and Senators' pitcher <a href="http://greatnamesinbaseball.blogspot.com/2011/08/jouett-meekin-hit-em-high-hit-em-often.html">Jouett Meekin</a> from a giant [Cleveland] Spider named <strike>Shelob</strike> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/y/youngcy01.shtml">Cy Young</a><sup>4</sup>.<br /><br />It would be beginning of the end, as Sam Wise would play a few brief seasons disguised as an <a href="http://content.sportslogos.net/logos/53/68/full/1258.gif">orc</a> before returning west to his home and former occupation.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Read a little about Sam Wise's semi-pro career in Akron </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://research.sabr.org/journals/baseball-in-akron">here</a><span style="font-weight: bold;">.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br /><sup>1</sup> Alright, Sam Wise was a firefighter rather than a gardener, but they're virtually the same thing, right: Hoses? <a href="http://www.garden-hoses.net/images/pictures/neverkink-heavyduty-reel-hose-58in-x-130ft-hose-model-8605130.jpg">Check</a>. Hoes? <a href="http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/fire/images/figh_group.jpg">Check</a>. Sexy calendars? <a href="http://www.starstore.com/acatalog/english-gardens-calendar-11-av-b.jpg">Check</a>.<br /><br /><sup>2</sup> Sam Wise <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/player.cgi?id=gandol001dav">could</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/player.cgi?id=aragon001joe">create</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/player.cgi?id=bilbo-000dam">his</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/player.cgi?id=gimlin001joh">own</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/player.cgi?id=merry-001jor">baseball</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/player.cgi?id=vader-001seb">fellowship</a>.<br /><br /><sup>3</sup> It's worth noting that his batting exploits were probably inflated by the fact that the pitching mound was moved back 10 feet while he was away from the game for a year. But no bother; <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jose_Canseco">heroes always remain heroes</a>.<br /><br /><sup>4</sup> Ostensibly, this would have involved Meekin's team to be trailing Young's until the ninth, when Sam Wise would strike a dagger into Young's weak underbelly by driving in the game-winning run. Unfortunately, this is completely false, as the Senators lost every single game against the Spiders in 1893.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-46486220941982482442012-01-27T12:48:00.001-08:002012-01-27T12:52:12.194-08:00Cinders O'Brien: Flame on!<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GhcJTJm11lo/TwTIFSr9vLI/AAAAAAAACNY/k10UmCKMtG4/s1600/Cinders_O%2527Brien.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GhcJTJm11lo/TwTIFSr9vLI/AAAAAAAACNY/k10UmCKMtG4/s400/Cinders_O%2527Brien.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5693895822144289970" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">[Editor's Note: Please excuse the absence, as I went on a bit of a scouting trip for three weeks to find <strike>a liquor store that was easy to rob</strike> more players about whom to post. -Ossee]</span></span><br /><br />"I shall strike down my opponent and make ashes of him."<br /><br />Nineteenth Century hurler <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/o/o%27brida02.shtml">John F. "Cinders" O'Brien</a> once told this to my imagination, which was at the time working on a <a href="http://dinosaurranch.com/">dinosaur ranch</a> as a fighter pilot and freelance sheriff. O'Brien promptly burned the ranch and my imagination, which is why I started a blog.<br /><br />O'Brien, a fiery competitor, earned his nickname by burning down stadiums in which he lost ballgames. As he played in Cleveland, this naturally meant that Cinders constantly set stadiums ablaze. From 1888 to 1890, O'Brien led the league each year in arson.<br /><br />He moved to Boston in 1891, where he played for the Boston Reds, winners of the American Association title. Boston skipper <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/managers/irwinar01.shtml">Arthur "Doc" Irwin</a> managed to keep Cinders in check all season by having O'Brien instead focus on improving <a href="http://images.wikia.com/psychology/images/e/e1/Guinness_beer_record2.jpg">his pregrame preparations</a>. However, when the AA folded at season's end, Cinders set ablaze the Congress Street Grounds with a roaring inferno fueled by the team's collected, gin-soaked uniforms and his own boiling rage.<br /><br />The only remaining professional team in town, the Boston Beaneaters, already featured a budding arsonist in <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/g/ganzech01.shtml">Charlie Ganzel</a> and so needed not the services of John O'Brien in 1892.<br /><br />O'Brien traveled west to see if the Spiders once again needed a worker of flames. But before he reached Cleveland, Cinders fell ill with pneumonia. He lay bedridden for months before dying at the age of 24.<br /><br />Sources say that his last act was to send a simple telegram to his last manager, Doc Irwin: "I have been struck down and shall return to ashes myself."<br /><br />Irwin, enjoying a fine cigar at the time in his new office for the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/WHS/1892.shtml">Washington Senators</a>, accidentally lit the telegram ablaze. In the following frenzy, Irwin knocked over an oil lamp and ignited a conflagration that burned down part of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boundary_Field">Boundary Field</a>.<br /><br />To date, this is the only recorded instance of posthumous arson and the second incident of arson-by-telegram.Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-33567566760189404992012-01-04T12:55:00.001-08:002012-01-04T12:55:29.562-08:00Chicken Wolf: Wait for it...<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vO1Wr_SnCHE/Tt5uqKGMViI/AAAAAAAACMU/UV-UrMTX3wI/s1600/chickenwolf.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 204px; height: 385px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vO1Wr_SnCHE/Tt5uqKGMViI/AAAAAAAACMU/UV-UrMTX3wI/s400/chickenwolf.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5683101450332034594" border="0" /></a><br />1889 was a promising year that turned wretched for many people. A naval battle between Germany and the U.S. was <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1889_Apia_cyclone">won by a cyclone</a>. Vincent Van Gogh painted "Starry Night," but no one cared much. Henrietta Hitler gave birth to a <a href="http://adscam.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341bfa1853ef01347fbb69cd970c-800wi">poorly mustached baby</a> named Adolf. The state of Montana was added to the union and, within minutes, residents formed at least <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_H8KDKpNcbYo/S9j_rpaeJVI/AAAAAAAAA7Q/LVJg0DbqHew/s400/blog+montana+militia.jpg">43 militias</a>.<br /><br />And in Louisville, the Colonels of baseball's American Association played <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/LOU/1889.shtml">one of the worst seasons in baseball</a>, finishing with 27 wins and 111 losses. Responsible for approximately half of those outcomes was one of four player-managers, <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/w/wolfji01.shtml">William "Chicken" Wolf</a><sup>1</sup>. Chicken played right field and was, however, one of the few bright spots as a player that season, batting .291/.333/.377.<br /><br />Wolf, the youngest of seven children born to German immigrants, had grown up in Louisville and earned a roster spot with the hometown club in 1882. He mostly played the outfield and was an above-average hitter his entire career. In 1890, Chicken led a resurgent Colonels club to the American Association title by hitting .363/.421/.479.<br /><br />William Wolf went by several <span style="font-style: italic;">nom de plumes<sup>2</sup>,</span> including "Jimmie," though he earned the nickname Chicken because of his severe, irrational <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiZqmhx9EtY">fear of poultry</a>.<br /><br />Like a typical baseballist of the era, Wolf managed his fear through <a href="http://images.wikia.com/psychology/images/f/ff/Bayer_Heroin_bottle.jpg">doctor recommendations</a>. As such, he was frequently heard to utter phrases interpreted as descriptions of hallucinations. Chicken never described any pink elephants, but teammate <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/smithsk01.shtml">Skyrocket Smith</a> wrote in his <a href="http://codinghorror.typepad.com/.a/6a0120a85dcdae970b012877708918970c-pi">memoirs</a> that Wolf often conversed with a <a href="http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/171/2/d/winged_wolf_by_beejaykim-d3jfl12.jpg">flying canine</a> in the dugout.<br /><br />Wolf played in the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/pl/player_search.cgi?search=1890+world+series">last World Series</a> between the National League and the American Association in his monstrous season of 1890. In the series, Chicken employed his then-famous tactic of hitting the baseball where opposing players weren't<sup>3</sup>, batting .389 and driving in 8 runs. Like all great postseason series, the 1890 classic ended in a tie. Wolf was unable to enjoy his postseason fruits of victory, which were, in fact, not fruit but rather <a href="http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/8/29/128960188828645070.jpg">whole chickens</a>.<br /><br />Wolf's career essentially ended with the collapse of the American Association after the 1891 season. He attempted to play for the St. Louis Browns of the national league in 1892, but he only played 3 games before being sent to the <a href="http://www.infrastructurist.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/suburb1.jpg">gulags</a>.<br /><br />On Easter Sunday in 1903, Wolf finally conquered his fear of poultry by vanquishing an entire 34-lb. turkey in one sitting. Unfortunately, the bird had been improperly cooked and Wolf contracted salmonella poisoning, thereby justifying his lifelong fear of delicious, delicious poultry. The turkey was his undoing, as he died in May of that year at the age of 41.<br /><br />The coroner delighted in the ironic humor of the situation while writing Wolf's death certificate:<br /><br />"Cause of death: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC75aU47GRk">Foul fow</a>l."<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Read Chicken Wolf's actual story </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://bioproj.sabr.org/bioproj.cfm?a=v&amp;v=l&amp;bid=19&amp;pid=15454">here</a><span style="font-weight: bold;">.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><sup>1</sup> You can listen to a biographical account of Wolf's life <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHw7YZVXK6M">here</a>. You can also go <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvtSNYOsbCI">here</a> to learn the intricacies of the bass guitar and how it relates to 19th Century baseball. The host alleges it is "a lot of fun."<br /><br /><sup>2</sup> <span style="font-style: italic;">Nom de Plume</span> is, of course, Swahili for "opening of <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ECc810r4xdQ/SZAbLnjkqKI/AAAAAAAAAkE/DjWxh2dgxtc/s320/Iron+Maiden+-+Purgatory+Live+%5B1981%5D.jpg">Purgatory</a>."<br /><br /><sup>3</sup> This philosophy was summed up best by baseball Hall of Famer <a href="http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/028/590/originaljosephd.jpg">Wee Willie Keeler</a> when he said, "Strike the ball into the location that opposing baseballists do not occupy."</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-46870333281873302492011-12-23T12:26:00.000-08:002011-12-24T12:04:33.899-08:00Steve Christmas to all, and to all holiday-inspired lethargy!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-X2Gt3TyyY2k/TvTkjcd-DtI/AAAAAAAACNA/L_-e0I2Lvgc/s1600/steve_christmas_autograph.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 212px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-X2Gt3TyyY2k/TvTkjcd-DtI/AAAAAAAACNA/L_-e0I2Lvgc/s400/steve_christmas_autograph.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5689423526864228050" border="0" /></a>Dear Great Names in Baseball readers:<br /><br />In lieu of our annual imaginary Christmas letter, please enjoy this epic poem account of <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/c/chrisst01.shtml">Steve Christmas</a>' lone major league home run as a member of the Chicago White Sox in <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/MIN/MIN198409190.shtml">September 19, 1984</a>, contest against the Minnesota Twins.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">'Twas the night of Steve Christmas, when all through the 'dome<sup>1</sup><br />Most players were napping, just longing for home;<br />Much effort, most players would scarcely spend<br />As they waited for 1984's campaign to end<sup>2</sup>;<br /><a href="http://www.baseball-almanac.com/players/pics/mike_smithson_autograph.jpg">Mike Smithson</a> took his tosses at the crest of the mound,<br />And in the dugout, <a href="http://cdn.faniq.com/images/blog/b7a97530359ac4c0d47b0381e8ae924e.jpg">Tony LaRussa</a> wore a trademark frown.<br /><a href="http://robsbeercans.com/images/CR1030.JPG">Fisk</a> wore his street shoes, while <a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51QIRjQ4FcL._SL500_AA300_.jpg">Marc Hill</a> donned the gear,<br />And <a href="http://www.blogcdn.com/blog.moviefone.com/media/2010/05/nd.jpg">Kittle</a> the DH cracked open a beer<sup>3</sup>.<br /><br />When on the fake lawn there arose such a clatter,<br />Yet Twins fans scarcely bothered to see the matter.<br />Smithson swore loudly, as in a short burst<br /><a href="http://www.gregwalker.com/images/2008/greg_walker_access.jpg">Greg Walker</a> doubled home two runs in the first.<br /><a href="http://i.walmartimages.com/i/mp/MP/10/00/11/33/MP10001133357_P255075_500X500.jpg">Bannister</a> followed with four shutout innings,<br />But the ballgame, you see, was only beginning.<br /><strike>When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,<br />But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer</strike>,<br />With <a href="http://bioproj.sabr.org/bp_ftp/images4/LaudnerTim.jpg">Tim Laudner</a> batting, neither lively nor quick,<br />The Twins evened the game with one stroke of his stick.<br /><br />More rapid than eagles the scoring now came,<br />And the doers, some still remembered by name:<br />"Now, <a href="http://cardboardgods.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/jose-cruz-75.jpg?w=450">Jose Cruz</a>! Now, <a href="http://www.baseball-almanac.com/players/pics/rudy_law_autograph.jpg">Rudy Law</a>! Now, <a href="http://www.nerdbaseball.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/84D-Hairston.jpeg">Hairston</a> and <a href="http://www.go4thestars.com/10083hb.JPG">Baines</a>!<br />On, <a href="http://www.aarongleeman.com/uploaded_images/top40gaetti-729799.jpg">Gaetti</a>! On <a href="http://s.ecrater.com/stores/189853/4eb81849d528a_189853n.jpg">Teufel</a>! <a href="http://www.beckett.com/images/pgitems/458430101.jpg">Brunansky</a>, more names!"<br />To the seventh, game tied, the Sox get two on;<br />But with two outs on whom would Tony summon?<br />When, what should appear to Sox fans so listless,<br />But backup-backup catcher Steve Christmas!<br />He strode to the plate to bat in a pinch,<br />To hopefully be the ballgame's <a href="http://elsloganero.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/ubermensch.jpg">ubermensch</a>.<br /><br />And soon, in a growling, I heard the ump call<br />That the count had two strikes and also three balls<br />As I went to the kitchen for a mid-game snack,<br />Smithson's pitch down the middle was met with a crack.<br />Christmas felt the impact, from his head to his foot,<br />And the ball sailed over the fence for now and for good.<br />Christmas rounded the bases for the first time that day,<br />While Kittle indifferently guzzled away.<br /><strike>His eyes -- how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!<br />His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!</strike><br />Steve came to the dugout expecting hero praise,<br />But scarcely an eyebrow was seen to be raised.<br /><br />He thought it to be a rookie prank of some kind,<br />But the season's disappointment soon changed his mind.<br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HaCFNVQJ13g/TbTohitQTRI/AAAAAAAAY2I/P40gpPUinPI/s640/84+Donruss+DK+Ron+Kittle.jpg">Kittle</a> had a broad face and a little round belly,<br />That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.<br />Christmas sat down beside him as the Sox scored again,<br />Hoping Kittle would maybe become a new friend.<br />But Ron had seen enough kids play and flop,<br />To waste his breath on this young backstop.<br />He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,<br />Of emptying his Budweiser and acting a jerk.<br /><br />And just when Christmas thought he'd get no joy,<br />Fisk finally sauntered over to give an "attaboy."<br />Then Kittle caved and Christmas cheered Bannister<br />And Ronny boy offered to split a brew cannister.<br />Chicago held on to win by four tallies,<br />In what would be the last Christmas rally.<br />But I heard Kittle say, ere to the minors he sinks,<br />Steve Christmas to all, and to all <a href="http://funnyzela.com/wp-content/gallery/17drink_spill_fails_1/thumbs/thumbs_drink_spill_fails-0005.jpg">have a drink</a>!</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><sup>1</sup> The Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, once home to the Minnesota Twins, the Minnesota Vikings, the University of Minnesota football team and hearing loss<br /><br /><sup>2</sup> The White Sox 1984 season was a letdown after the Sox won the American League West title in 1983.<br /><br /><sup>3</sup> There is no indication that Ron Kittle ever drank in the dugout or during a game. But since he went 0-4 with 4 strikeouts in this game, I'm taking some creative liberties with the game's narrative.<a href="http://baseball.dailyskew.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/buckmccarver.jpg"> It's not unheard of</a>.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-72359932526430760592011-12-22T11:07:00.000-08:002011-12-22T14:03:36.347-08:00Rollie Fingers: Hall of Fame Haiku, Vol. 2 (Electric Bugaloo)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CC2PS9mAXBE/TvOBoQgrwPI/AAAAAAAACMo/fcuXxRIrZkk/s1600/rolliefingers.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 252px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CC2PS9mAXBE/TvOBoQgrwPI/AAAAAAAACMo/fcuXxRIrZkk/s400/rolliefingers.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5689033282925871346" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/f/fingero01.shtml">Roland Glen Fingers</a> was a Hall of Fame relief pitcher, and, as such, countless words have been written about his career and his legacy. An equal number of words have been written about his <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/Salvador_Dali_NYWTS.jpg/220px-Salvador_Dali_NYWTS.jpg">Salvador-Dali</a>-meets-<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e6/Zappa.jpg/220px-Zappa.jpg">Frank-Zappa</a> mustache, which is an inspiration to <a href="http://die-hipster-die.blogspot.com/2010/01/hipster-mustache-brigade.html">gross-looking hipsters</a> the world over. Feel free to peruse the Interwebs for more on Rollie Fingers' <a href="http://bioproj.sabr.org/bioproj.cfm?a=v&amp;v=l&amp;bid=3313&amp;pid=4409">career</a>, <a href="http://www.sportshair.com/rollie-fingers.htm">facial hair</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollie_Fingers#Income_tax_controversy">tax-dodging allegations</a>.<br /><br />For the time being, let us consider that Fingers was the progenitor of unique facial hair among relief pitchers. <a href="http://reviewingthebrew.com/files/2010/11/john-axford2.jpg">Many have tried</a> to emulate Fingers' style, but few have succeeded. And some have failed miserably, as <a href="http://reliefpitcherswithshittyfacialhair.blogspot.com/">this twice-updated blog</a> pointed out in 2009.<br /><br />And so we bring forth our second volume of GNIB's Hall of Fame Haiku for Rollie Fingers (<a href="http://greatnamesinbaseball.blogspot.com/2011/11/amos-rusie-hoosier-thunderbolt.html">Click for Volume 1</a>):<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsywLclz8A8&amp;feature=related"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Language lessons</span></a><br />W is win;<br />It's written on Rollie's face<br />Only with more twists.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Man of the year</span><br />I don't need Rolaids,<br />To spell the first bullpen ace.<br />I just need Fingers.Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-26404171245295320452011-12-04T20:12:00.000-08:002011-12-04T20:38:58.259-08:00Lance Berkman: Big Puma or Fat 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{mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://thecuriousmail.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/dr-nick.png">Hi, everybody!</a> Steve here – I’ve not been holding up my end of the GNIB <a href="http://iamatvjunkie.typepad.com/i_am_a_tv_junkie_a_blog_f/images/2008/04/20/deal_models.jpg">deal</a>, so I’ve decided to awaken from my slumber with a dual-nickname <a href="http://www.thegoosesroost.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/extravaganza.jpg">extravaganza</a>!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Given that GNIB (read: Eric) has focused on the amazing names from the <a href="http://picture-book.com/files/userimages/34u/dinosaurs.jpg">distant past</a>, I decided it might also be nice to keep the <a href="http://mlblogslegends.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/obama1.jpg">contemporary baseball fan</a> involved. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">With that in mind, I present Exhibit A: <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/berkmla01.shtml">William Lance Berkman</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Mr. Berkman is a baseball playing guy for the <a href="http://www.patchmall.com/ProdImages/St%20%20Louis%20Cardinals%2003.jpg">St. Louis Cardinals</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He was born in Texas, played high school ball in Texas, moved onto college ball in Texas, and then was drafted by the Houston Astros.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He’s as Texas as <a href="http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20081031/300.king.hill.lr.103108.jpg">Hank Hill</a> and, clearly, he is not to be <a href="http://dayandadream.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/dont-mess-with-texas.png">messed with</a><sup>1</sup>. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">As it turns out, Lance Berkman is extremely good at hitting baseballs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He’s put up <a href="http://www4.picturepush.com/photo/a/6727142/480/MLB-The-Show/Lance-Berkman.png?v0">video game numbers</a><sup>2</sup> at pretty much every level, including the majors.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Berkman has a career slash line of .296/.409/.545 and OPS+ of 146 in his 13-season career with the Astros, Yankees, and Cardinals.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Wowza!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">But of course, as a contemporary baseball fan, you know all about Lance Berkman’s baseballing <a href="http://www.kwikmed.com/images/ViagraBottle.jpg">prowess</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So let’s get down to <a href="http://salesmomsnetwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Success-Business-Team-580x390.jpg">business</a> – how did this man end up with two fantastic nicknames in an era where even some of the <a href="http://images.wikia.com/baseball/images/1/10/Hanley_Ramirez.jpg">biggest stars</a> have <a href="http://redlegrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/101206_adrian_gonzalez.jpg">crappy nicknames</a> derived from the <a href="http://top-people.starmedia.com/tmp/swotti/cacheYWXLECBYB2RYAWD1ZXO=UGVVCGXLLVBLB3BSZQ==/imgAlex%20Rodriguez1.jpg">initials-and-syllables</a> formula?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, let’s begin with Fat Elvis.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s a simple enough explanation – he has an uncanny resemblance to Elvis Presley during his later, more <a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51rg5o7019L._SL500_AA300_.jpg">rotund</a> days<sup>3</sup>. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This is particularly evident when smirking, as they have similar eyes/nose/cheeks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Here are a couple photos for your comparative viewing – one of <a href="http://baseball.dailyskew.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/lance-berkman-trade.jpg">Elvis</a> and one of <a href="http://thegoldensombrero.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/fat_elvis.jpg">Lance</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know what you’re thinking – when did Lance Berkman enter an Elvis lookalike contest<sup>4</sup> and when did Elvis Presley play professional baseball?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Obviously that nickname makes sense.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So, then, where does he pick up the moniker Big <a href="http://www.2puma.org/images/Mens-Puma-Tour-Cat-Lo-L-in-Black-White-Red-shoes.jpg">Puma</a>?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Well, by giving himself the nickname – sort of.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Apparently in addressing his Fat Elvis nickname on a Houston radio show, Berkman said "I'm more like a puma, so I'm not sure why people call me Fat Elvis." <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The hosts ran with it and it caught on<sup>5</sup>.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">What’s the final <a href="http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/p/playing_scrabble-13566.jpg">word</a>?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Well, I choose Fat Elvis for two reasons; 1) he’s delusional if he isn’t sure why people call him Fat Elvis, because he’s a <a href="http://www.clipartreview.com/_images_300/A_ringer_horseshoe_110418-233423-151009.jpg">dead ringer</a>; and 2) no person, not even Lance Berkman, is allowed to give himself a nickname.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>However, this is just one man’s opinion – feel free to voice your own thoughts in the comments section!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><sup>1</sup> In fact, if you believe <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbH60wCO-Yw">Little Texas</a><sup>6</sup>, you might even submit that God blessed his origins, and by extension, him.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And given how religious Mr. Berkman is, that seems reasonable.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><sup>2</sup> People usually say “PlayStation numbers,” but I feel that’s discriminatory against people like me who don’t own anything newer than a <a href="http://static.jjgames.com/images/5456.JPG"> Sega Genesis</a>.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><sup>3</sup> In reality, Lance Berkman is certainly heavier than <a href="http://rlhistorypd6.wikispaces.com/file/view/elvis-presley%5B1%5D.jpg/231143638/elvis-presley%5B1%5D.jpg">young Elvis</a>, but decidedly more trim than the later <a href="http://www.rooftopgourmet.com/wp-content/uploads/fatelvis.jpg">fat Elvis</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Should we really be calling him “Fat Young Elvis” or “Skinny Fat Elvis” instead? Or maybe even <a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf8rvybttO1qzzd6io1_400.jpg">Tiny Elvis</a>?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><sup>4</sup> And while we're talking about lookalikes, I think <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZRg_TBrw8WI/Sw7LIR7NZBI/AAAAAAAAAFw/Ia_COIaBNLA/s1600/Elvis_Presley_1970.jpg">Elvis in the 1970s</a> was actually in a <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_r8GjWqN6cvM/R_dA07MXVnI/AAAAAAAABao/0CSZi-YG5CY/s320/divorce_neil+diamond.jpg">Neil Diamond</a> lookalike contest.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><sup>5</sup> I did a significant amount of investigation, none of which revealed any physical resemblance between an actual <a href="http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/p/puma-8695.jpg">puma</a> and Lance Berkman.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><sup>6</sup> Yeah, that's right, a digression away from a digression. I just wanted to note that if you happened to go to middle school where I did, you probably remember that Little Texas song from running laps in gym class. Still no explanation as to why it was played.<br /></p>Estebanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13058457325154763560noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-88020890982572462322011-12-01T11:52:00.000-08:002011-12-02T14:19:16.873-08:00Rolla Mapel: Great Names in Small Missouri Towns<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-45w7ADSUJFA/Ttkg-XsMz2I/AAAAAAAACMI/nSWFcZfjHDc/s1600/rollamapel2.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 210px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-45w7ADSUJFA/Ttkg-XsMz2I/AAAAAAAACMI/nSWFcZfjHDc/s400/rollamapel2.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5681608660787973986" border="0" /></a><br />Today, Great Names in Baseball explores new ground, both literally and figuratively. Inspired by coffee-cupper <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/m/mapelro01.shtml">Rolla Mapel</a>, we shall examine the names of a series of small towns in the middle-American state of Missouri.<br /><br />Rolla Mapel was born in Lee's Summit, Missouri, in 1890. His parents, ever homesick for their city of origin<sup>1</sup>, named the boy after their hometown of Rolla, Missouri. Rolla Mapel would eventually pitch in several leagues of the <a href="http://www.manishin.com/photos/best_photos/Images/great_plains.jpg">Great Plains</a> before starting four games for the stinky St. Louis Browns in 1919. His only claim to fame in baseball is that the Browns turned a triple play in his debut, something that would only happen again in 2002 to <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/brazede01.shtml">Dewon Brazelton</a>. He died in 1966 in a far-flung land called "<a href="http://wikitravel.org/upload/en/thumb/1/14/Machupicchu.jpg/350px-Machupicchu.jpg">San Diego</a>."<br /><br />But none of that baseball crap matters. Instead, we'll trace a possible route<sup>2</sup> of Rolla's young parents on their journey through the villages of central Missouri en route to a new life in the shadow of Kansas City.<br /><br /><br /><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rolla,_Missouri">Rolla</a> - (Pop. 19,000 or so) Mapels' journey began here. This city was allegedly named after a bloodthirsty hunting dog. Or it was named by people who had immigrated there from the <a href="http://pics2.city-data.com/city/maps4/frs4075.png">capital city of North Carolina</a>. Either story is disappointing when one considers that the town was nearly named <a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/hardscrabble">Hardscrabble</a>. Rolla is home to <a href="http://v1.lscache6.c.bigcache.googleapis.com/static.panoramio.com/photos/original/57659043.jpg">Missouri S&amp;T</a> and Tom Shipley of <a href="http://images.uulyrics.com/cover/b/brewer-shipley/album-one-toke-over-the-line-the-best-of-brewer-shipley.jpg">Brewer &amp; Shipley</a>. It is also the birthing place of gold-medal gymnasticist <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shannon_Miller">Shannon Miller</a>, about whom nobody cared after seeing the gutsy and in-every-Olympic-highlight-film-of-all-time performance of <a href="http://www.sportsvideodaily.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/arizona-kerri-strug.jpg">Kerri Strug</a> in 1996. Permission to weep nostalgic and patriotic tears of joy: <a href="http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2008/07/CryingEagle-Flag640.jpg">Granted</a>.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating</span>: <a href="http://www.mysoti.com/img/user/davidhardy/product/web/322220/322220_show_default.png">I am disappoint</a>. <span style="font-style: italic;">I repeat: It could have been called Hardscrabble!</span></span><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meta,_MO"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Meta</span></a> - (Pop. 249) This town is so its-name that it's actually another city called Babbtown. The account of the Mapels' journey that I am fabricating as I write tells of how every conversation in Meta is so <a href="http://www.davesworld.org.uk/blogs/cats/funny-pictures-cat-kittens-fractal-schrodinger-back.jpg">self-referential</a> that nobody in the town actually knows anything about anything.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating</span>: </span><a href="http://www.the-rudy.com/images/fugazi_thisisnot.jpg">This is not a town name rating</a>.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climax_Springs,_Missouri"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Climax Springs</span></a> - (Pop. 80) This village is named after a factory in its confines that makes components for erotic mattresses. Because this hack writer is using a computer at his day job and is terrified of what search engines may retrieve, no more information will be provided. According to some <a href="http://nowsourcing.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/encyclopedia.jpg">outside sources</a>, however, this is the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macks_Creek,_Missouri">second-most</a> Not-Safe-For-Work (NSFW) municipality in Camden County.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating: </span>3-1/2 Magic Fingers</span><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warsaw,_MO"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Warsaw</span></a> - (Pop. 2000) Warsaw has recorded both the highest temperature (118 degrees in 1954) in the state and the lowest (-40 degrees in 1905). At least one Wikipedia editor claims the city is often referred to as "The Gateway to the South." Warsaw's <a href="http://www.warsawmochamber.com/">annual Christmas celebration falls on December 3 (that's tomorrow) </a>this year. The festivities will include a performance from country musicians/convicted train robbers <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du981NmMI_Q">The Osage Outlaws</a> at the community center [**Disclaimer: <a href="http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/not-intended-to-be-a-factual-statement--2">This is not indended to be a factual statement</a>**]<sup>3</sup>. Citizens have heard repeatedly that <a href="http://blog.cheapoair.com/image.axd?picture=2011%2F6%2FLOT+Polish+Airlines.jpg">LOT Airlines</a> will fly there once a day, but so far they haven't seen a damn jet anywhere near Warsaw Municipal Airport.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating:</span> Poland? Now you're just making places up.</span><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tightwad,_Missouri"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tightwad</span></a> - (Pop. 64) While the claim is unconfirmed, Tightwad may be the only community named after a bartering <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bait-and-switch">bait-and-switch</a> that involved a watermelon, a chicken and a postman. It is also home to a <a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3142/2631570191_f90ea6c3cd.jpg">niche-market novelty bank</a>.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating: </span>Clearly worth a watermelon. Remember: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg_4z2adv6Q">When you control(led the mail in the mid-19th century), you control(led)...the names of backwater towns!</a></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Tour,_Missouri"><span style="font-weight: bold;">La Tour</span></a> - (Pop. 60) La Tour is a community that, in 2000, voted to disincorporate the village. The village had been incorporated in 1968 in an inspired bid to "take the whole town on tour" as a traveling musical act: The La Tour of del Mundo World. The group/village canceled their first show 35 minutes after leaving town when they received word from their neighbor <a href="http://pics2.city-data.com/tnmaps/tnm11040.png">Rose Hill</a> that La Tour had been ransacked by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efwPy2lAOEM&amp;feature=related">The Osage Outlaws</a>, who had lain in wait for weeks after hearing promotional radio ads for the tour. Their idea would later be actualized when the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhqDoWR9Jok">Polyphonic Spree</a> took the city of Dallas on tour in 2001.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating: </span>The story of La Tour is a bit of a stretch, if I'm honest.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Gunn City</span> - (Pop. ??) <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waacof2saZw">No Wikipedia entry exists</a> for Gunn City, but sources say that gunfights break out regularly there. Gunn City resident <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Pqpmm2T6j4g/TB-I2WYjUII/AAAAAAAAIUo/OylBNuAYg-g/s1600/OldWestSheriff.jpg">Conrad Durham</a> is said to have been shot in the Gunn City Lutheran Church's belltower and fallen to an indeterminate place in town at least 374 times. Visitors be warned: A salty attitude will <a href="http://rulesofawesomeness.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/bar_fight.jpg">get a feller punched</a>, but Gunn City ain't got no room for nice guys, neither.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating:</span> In a state with lax policies on firearms, anyplace called "Gunn City" is essentially the state's cerebral cortex.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lone_Jack,_Missouri"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lone Jack</span></a> - (Pop. 528) This small city is famous for a Civil War battle that raged in the town's streets for five hours. The municipality was founded by Jack Sparrow (any resemblance to film characters is purely coincidental), who first settled the area as a bachelor in 1813. Legend has it that Sparrow defended his cabin from a <a href="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqajl6qJh81qa10awo1_500.jpg">badger infestation</a> using only meager rations, a box of bullets and his wits. Sparrow died while <a href="http://www.toy-tma.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Oregon-Trail-Ford-the-River.jpg">fording a river</a>.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating: </span>2 spare wagon tongues or 357 pounds of food</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee%27s_Summit,_Missouri#Notable_residents"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lee's Summit</span></a> - (Pop. 91,000) Notable for having the mockumentary "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RNfL6IVWCE">Jesus Camp</a>" filmed there, in part. It's also home to rapper and linguistic curiosity Tech N9ne. Tech N9ne's 1999 debut included a track called "Mizzizy Gets Bizzy," a tribute to the products made in Climax Springs.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Town name rating: </span><a href="http://www.hecklerspray.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/kevin-costner.jpg">Tutonka</a></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br /><sup>1</sup> I actually have no way of knowing that Rolla Mapels' parents were from Rolla, Missouri. Consider it an intellectual leap taken with creative license. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_%28film%29">Like a biopic.</a><br /><br /><sup>2</sup> There is no way of knowing if the roads on the above-pictured route even existed, as Missouri records do not pre-date 1951. Many of the roads, however, show clear evidence of having been built by the Romans. <a href="http://i39.tinypic.com/2gub13t.jpg">Rome conquered Missouri, right</a>?<br /><br /><sup>3</sup> To reiterate: Everything on this blog is meant as hyperbole. Anything that resembles a fact is patently false. If you enjoy historically inaccurate writing commonly taken as fact, please consider reading <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/6b/DaVinciCode.jpg/200px-DaVinciCode.jpg">this</a> book.<br /></span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-73153529392461262012011-11-30T11:37:00.000-08:002011-11-30T11:45:02.606-08:00Sweetbread Bailey: Presidents and Pastries (In it for the dough)...<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0TSrH33NncA/Tsv0CCqnZdI/AAAAAAAACL8/ftk-ozgch00/s1600/Sweetbreads%2BBailey.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 384px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0TSrH33NncA/Tsv0CCqnZdI/AAAAAAAACL8/ftk-ozgch00/s400/Sweetbreads%2BBailey.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5677900071143171538" border="0" /></a>...which is also the title of my <a href="http://urbancowgirlvancouver.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/hipster-sidewalk-band.jpg">new band's</a> debut release. It's a mix of early New Wave dance beats with underpinnings of pop art and minimalism. Our biggest influences are <a href="http://assets.flavorwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/sartre.jpg">Jean-Paul Sartre</a>, <a href="http://die-hipster-die.blogspot.com/2010/01/hipster-mustache-brigade.html">ironic mustaches</a> and money from our suburban dads. And we all dress like <a href="http://www.hummel.hu/files/1983.jpeg">it's 1983</a>, which is actually 8 years before we were born. Our live performances are eye-opening, but the bourgeoise types wouldn't get it. We haven't had our record reviewed by <a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltjkz7LVsc1qbrkn5o1_500.jpg">Pitchfork</a> yet, but we're confident it will score at least a 7.6.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=385893&amp;title=wait-what-%E2%80%93-destructive-polar">Wait, what?</a><br /><br />This is a baseball blog. Ostensibly, anyway. Sometimes I write a little bit and then discover that it's clever and I digress. Imagine that: A self-indulgent blog<sup>1</sup>. But we'll save that discussion for a later, <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/bloggwe01.shtml">much more self-referential post</a>.<br /><br />Today's GNIB post covers the life and times of <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/bailesw01.shtml">Abraham Lincoln Bailey</a>, a native of the, well, <a href="http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/5/9/illinoisnazis128548631360288076.jpg">Land of Lincoln</a>. That's hardly surprising, I guess; Illinois has <a href="http://findinglincolnillinois.com/rte66cemhillmapimages/route66billboard1960s.jpg">an infatuation</a> for the 16th commander in chief. The name puts in him some good company with <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/a/alexape01.shtml">other players</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/c/casege01.shtml">named after</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/m/martide01.shtml">presidents</a>.<br /><br />But Abe Bailey actually played under the auspices of Sweetbread Bailey, a name which adds him to the <a href="http://sloblogs.thetribunenews.com/sidetracked/files/2010/04/pie-in-the-face1.jpg">All-Time Pastry Team</a>: <a href="http://www.baseball-birthdays.com/archives/December/01/images/Cookie%20Lavagetto.png">Cookie Lavagetto</a>, <a href="http://designsbyfoush.com/samples/caricatures/PIE-TRAYNOR.jpg">Pie Traynor</a>, <a href="http://misterirrelevant.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/jim-palmer-pancakes.jpg">Jim "Cakes" Palmer</a>, <a href="http://www.billsdonutshop.com/bills%20hat.jpg">Doughnut Bill Carrick</a>, <a href="http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a205/timotes253/Unused/1992UltraPro.jpg">Danny Tartabull</a>, minor leaguer <a href="http://stuff.joywebsight.com/chris-has-a-apple-danish-here.gif">Christopher Danish</a>, minor leaguer <a href="http://www.snaqc.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/funny-pictures-your-bread-is-bad.jpg">Russell Loafman</a> and <a href="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4107/5025976623_b2fcd03b4e.jpg">Baklava Van Troy</a>.<br /><br />As a young phenom in Joliet, Sweetbread passed up an opportunity to pitch for the Chicago Cubs in 1917, instead serving in World War I with the 72nd Field Artillery in the army<sup>2</sup>. Upon returning, however, the Cubs signed him to pitch for the club. Bailey pitched in relief for the Chicago Cubs from 1919 to 1921, when he was traded to the Brooklyn Robins. His career was over after the 1921 season.<br /><br />Sadly, Bailey died in 1939 at the young age of 44 in the same town in which he was born. Naturally, <a href="http://rlv.zcache.com/bowling_sweet_rolls_mug-p1689057986025710022opcc_400.jpg">coffee and sweet rolls</a> were served after the burial.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><sup>1</sup> If your blog isn't sufficiently self-involved, then <a href="http://wickedlilpixie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Birds-Youre-Doing-it-Wrong1.jpg">you're doing it wrong</a>.<br /> <br /> <sup>2</sup> Bailey is alleged to have invented the bread helmet during the Great War, a device that would not gain popularity <a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/004/991/Screen%20shot%202011-02-05%20at%2010.51.31%20AM.png?1296922259">for nearly another 100 years</a>.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-75748682481509646802011-11-17T11:14:00.000-08:002011-11-17T11:54:48.105-08:00Amos Rusie: The Hoosier Thunderbolt<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kmLrhLSw0i4/TsVmMfoZXVI/AAAAAAAABrQ/y-lYwfhCzQY/s1600/amosrusie.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 265px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kmLrhLSw0i4/TsVmMfoZXVI/AAAAAAAABrQ/y-lYwfhCzQY/s400/amosrusie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5676055270205775186" border="0" /></a><br />Honors for the <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/r/rusieam01.shtml">Hoosier Thunderbolt</a><sup>1</sup> in three hastily-hewn haiku<sup>2</sup>:<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tavern</span><br /><br />One Thunderbolt please.<br />Don't skimp on the gin, either.<br />Two dimes for the <a href="http://www.distillery209.com/images/cocktails/mixologist-lg.png">'keep</a><sup>3</sup>.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Inning</span><br /><br />The Amos Rusie--<br />Flail at one, two, three fastballs.<br />Repeat and again.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Regimen</span><br /><br />Spring training's arrived.<br />How 'bout a drink or seven?<br />He's as good as e'er.<br /><br /><br /><br />Read about Amos Rusie's <strike>drinking</strike> baseball exploits <a href="http://bioproj.sabr.org/bioproj.cfm?a=v&amp;v=l&amp;bid=497&amp;pid=12333">here</a>.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br /><sup>1</sup> This sounds like a much better name for a train line than the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoosier_State_%28train%29">Hoosier State</a>. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitch_Daniels">Mitch Daniels</a>, forget all that <a href="http://www.marriedtothesea.com/041410/hate-government-and-taxes.gif">government crap</a> and legislative process and <a href="http://www.marriedtothesea.com/042811/contributed-to-the-revolution.gif">so forth</a>. Make this a priority.<br /><br /><sup>2</sup> The plural of haiku is haiku. Also, <a href="http://anythingurban.typepad.com/.a/6a011278db110528a4013489b29979970c-500wi">this hack writer</a> is terrible at creating them.<br /><br /><sup>3</sup> Rusie's grand moniker led to a drink of the same name. While <a href="http://lmgtfy.com/?q=hoosier+thunderbolt+drink+recipe">research</a> does not turn up any information on a recipe, it's probably safe to assume it had gin in it.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-37707024731797328962011-11-16T11:01:00.000-08:002011-11-21T11:26:24.765-08:00Studs Bancker: Investing in pain<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Sn2pGrJA7YU/TsQI-e-QO6I/AAAAAAAABrE/kdK861Em2ck/s1600/photounavailable.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Sn2pGrJA7YU/TsQI-e-QO6I/AAAAAAAABrE/kdK861Em2ck/s400/photounavailable.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5675671299952753570" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/banckst01.shtml">John V. "Studs" Bancker</a> played during the year when New Haven had a professional baseball team and that professional baseball team was called the Elm Citys.<br /><br />Studs fancied himself a catcher and an infielder, though he was a not regular starter on the 1875 club and in fact was a poor hitter.<br /><br />After his sole season in professional ball, Bancker worked successfully in private securities. And by this, I mean that he wielded a <a href="http://thetestosterzone.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Cudgel1-300x225.jpg">cudgel</a>, which he used to break debtors' extremities.<br /><br />It's rumored that 11-year-old Philadelphian Ossee Schrecengost once watched Studs go 3-for-3 on a trio of downcast gamblers. Young Ossee remembered that day and frequently described it in wistful tones after a few servings of <a href="http://www.magazineart.org/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&amp;g2_itemId=17724&amp;g2_serialNumber=2">pitcher's juice</a>.<br /><br />Studs Bancker died of <a href="http://www.caffeinenebula.com/quizzes/quizFiles/oregontrail/dysentery.gif">dysentery</a> in 1888 at 35, having collected a record-high 3,762 kneecap hits.Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-78241214786198363172011-11-11T11:23:00.001-08:002011-11-11T11:23:21.002-08:00Lou Skizas: Slugger, time traveler, sound investor<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-23CpVobdro8/Tr1w64MFAHI/AAAAAAAABq4/UEzGAarMjU0/s1600/louskizas.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 261px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-23CpVobdro8/Tr1w64MFAHI/AAAAAAAABq4/UEzGAarMjU0/s400/louskizas.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5673815262374461554" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/skizalo01.shtml">Lou Skizas</a> ostensibly earned his nickname "The Nervous Greek" from a lengthy routine he performed before each at-bat. The Chicagoan outfielder's ritual makes <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s85dyQR9lKM">Nomar Garciaparra</a>'s pre-batting routine look like <a href="http://www.baseball-birthdays.com/archives/July/03/images/Warren%20Newson.png">Warren Newson's</a>, <a href="http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Look+at+me.+I+am+wasting+your+time+again.+But+you%27ll+probably+sit+here+while+this+form+fills+itself+out+and+then+mocks+you+for+no+reason+whatsoever.">if you know what I mean</a>.<br /><br />However, in a rare and completely fabricated interview, Skizas disclosed that he actually picked up the nickname after constantly mumbling to his 1950s teammates about <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/11/03/the-greek-financial-crisis-seven-great-reads.html">the financial crisis striking his homeland</a><sup>1</sup>...in 2010.<br /><br />Teammates dismissed his ramblings as incoherent babbling and a nervous tic. But Skizas HAD traveled to the future, thanks to a <a href="http://anotherkindofclay.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/the_time_machine_large_01.jpg">clever device</a> obtained from the <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_sV0_A73owP0/R9MAZWcNdUI/AAAAAAAAAXM/NfdZXznwZp8/s400/Honor+House+ad.jpg">back of a cheesy science fiction paperbac</a>k. While in the future, Lou visited with his still-alive self in 2011<sup>2</sup> and returned to the 1950s to tell of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Big_Fat_Greek_Wedding">great embarrassments</a> suffered by the Greek people in the 21st Century.<br /><br />After many years of arguing about the future, Lou realized no one would ever believe him, so he settled in to everyday, post-baseball life. He earned a PhD in biology and taught at Illinois State University and the University of Illinois, where he also coached the baseball team.<br /><br />He's since retired from teaching, though he at times worked a scout for the Chicago Cubs. Today, Skizas lives near Chicago somewhere, sitting on top of <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ScKy15JyPGg/ThuEI3DcJ8I/AAAAAAAAFk8/zvzM1HrwJ0Q/s1600/scrooge+skiing.jpeg">a pile of money</a> he's made on sports betting, thanks to a <a href="http://p2.la-img.com/930/17693/5966141_3_l.jpg">sports almanac</a> he's kept under his pillow for 55 years.<br /><br />Read Lou Skizas' actual story <a href="http://bioproj.sabr.org/bioproj.cfm?a=v&amp;v=l&amp;bid=1991&amp;pid=13121">here</a>.<br /><br /><br /><br /><sup>1</sup> Actually, Skizas' homeland was Chicago, though his parents had immigrated from Greece.<br /><br /><sup>2</sup> The astute reader will mention paradoxes here. The author wonders why this interrupts your suspension of disbelief, but you can believe the plot of any episode of <a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/dodd_doctor_who_tardis_talking_cookie_jar.jpg">Doctor Who</a>. Sure, it's fine when writers pull magical sci-fi crap to whitewash poor plot planning, but when someone tries to create a fictional account of a real person's life, it becomes unacceptable. Well screw you! We don't need you anyway<sup>2A</sup>!<br /><br /><sup>2A</sup> Please don't stop reading. Although if you do stop reading, <a href="http://members.cox.net/bngolden2/OsseeSchreck.jpg">our sponsor</a> will send <a href="http://leadingtheline.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/football-hooligan-training-camp-for-kids4.jpg">hooligans</a> to your front door with <a href="http://greatnamesinbaseball.blogspot.com/2011/11/elton-chamberlain-cool-as-ice.html">bar mallets</a> in hand.Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-48520318158047900042011-11-10T11:13:00.001-08:002011-11-10T14:48:32.333-08:00Elton Chamberlain: Cool as Ice*<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TYrXJaEMZCw/TrmCYehP1aI/AAAAAAAABqs/KzYrBI8rmgQ/s1600/icebox-chamberlain.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TYrXJaEMZCw/TrmCYehP1aI/AAAAAAAABqs/KzYrBI8rmgQ/s400/icebox-chamberlain.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5672708562670835106" border="0" /></a><a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/c/chambel01.shtml">Elton "Ice Box" Chamberlain</a> may have been the original mold for the late <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/44/1896_Baltimore_Orioles.jpg/400px-1896_Baltimore_Orioles.jpg">nineteenth century baseballist</a>. A sturdy and reliable pitcher for 10 years, Ice Box picked up his nickname from <a href="http://wholinkstome.com/blog/wp-content/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/old_school_reporter.jpg">hyperbolic scribes'</a> descriptions of his coolness in the pitcher's box<sup>1</sup>. In 10 seasons, he won 157 games and was an above-average pitcher in an era where offense ruled the game. He even pitched with his left hand on occasion, an accomplishment also undertaken by one of Chamberlain's contemporaries: lady killer and GNIB honoree <a href="http://greatnamesinbaseball.blogspot.com/2011/08/tony-mullane-apollo-of-box.html">Tony Mullane</a>.<br /><br />In addition to his pitching credibility, Ice Box engaged in all of the traditional, unsavory baseballist off-field engagements of the times.<br /><br />He bet heavily on boxing. Of course, this is not in itself a crime. But Chamberlain netted himself a hefty $50 (<a href="http://static7.businessinsider.com/image/4b0405d800000000003bd13a-400-300/bank-pays-you-a-dividend.jpg">!</a>) fine for helping fix a match in 1891. In another match, Ice Box won a diamond ring from a bet on brawler Edward Gorman. Like any good bettor, Chamberlain lent Gorman the ring. After it became apparent that the ring was never coming back, Ice Box had Gorman arrested and jailed for grand larceny<sup>2</sup>.<br /><br />Of course, the natural post-career appointment for a man of such repute is self-evident: Ice Box was hired to be a <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/not/index.php/category/adventures-of-joe-west">National League umpire</a> in the 1896 offseason. While the reason is unclear, the result is not. Chamberlain was fired before long.<br /><br />Not only was Chamberlain a fisticuffs fan, he fancied the occasional participation in what can only be dubbed "<a href="http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/11/2009/02/medium_a-11off.jpg">assault and battery for fun and profit</a>."<br /><br />In one instance, Cincinnati teammate and outfielder <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/hallijo01.shtml">Jocko Halligan</a> ravaged a bar during what baseball historians have determined "an ordinary baseballist's Thursday." After battering one teammate into a pulp, Halligan<sup>3</sup> spotted Chamberlain at the bar and decided that a doubleheader was in order. Ice Box, however, was watching Halligan's approach in the bar mirror. As Jocko lunged, Ice Box turned with a bar mallet<sup>4</sup> in hand and coolly dispatched of the raging outfielder.<br /><br />Ice Box's post-baseball life is not at all documented, outside of his death in 1929. Some say that he worked in a consulting role with baseball hatchet-man extraordinaire Ossee Schrecengost and that he once began a brawl in Cleveland that ended 390 miles away.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTFhPV32tjY">All we know is...he's called a prick</a>.<br /><br />Read the SABR Project bio of Ice Box Chamberlain <a href="http://bioproj.sabr.org/bioproj.cfm?a=v&amp;v=l&amp;bid=3684&amp;pid=2314">here</a>.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* For information on this article post's title, rent <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LMnFmAGTCs">Cool as Ice (1991)</a>, starring award-winning human being <a href="http://cache.blippitt.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Vanilla-Ice.jpg">Vanilla Ice</a>. Also, please take a moment to enjoy Ice Box Chamberlain's <a href="http://www.encore-editions.com/icebox-chamberlain-st-louis-browns-baseball-card-portrait">baseball card</a>, presented by Old Judge Cigarettes. <a href="http://mybabyphotos.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/marlboromummy.jpg">Remember kid</a>s, Old Judge Cigarettes wrote THE verdict in smoothness.<br /><br /> <sup>1</sup> <a href="http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+the+hell+are+you+talking+about%3F">A thorough researching</a> has indicated that rejected nicknames included: Iceberg Spleen, Glacial Glands, Winter Worm, <a href="http://www.knowledgerush.com/wiki_image/1/10/Spiro_Agnew.jpg">Nattering Nabob</a> of Numbness, Chisel Cheeks and The Rimy Buffalo Hurler.<br /><br /> <sup>2</sup> <a href="http://boxrec.com/list_bouts.php?human_id=68445&amp;cat=boxer">Ed Gorman</a> once defeated a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwi_%28people%29">Kiwi</a> world champion named <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torpedo_Billy_Murphy">Torpedo Billy Murphy</a> in 1891 in Rock Springs, Wyoming. He also allegedly won a 53-round bout with Billy Hawkins in Chicago by forfeit, though at least one press outfit claimed the fight was a <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/canard">canard</a>. This author finds the claim confusing and dubious, for airplanes had yet to fly, let alone planes with <a href="http://www.canardaviation.com/assets/images/IMG_5202.JPG">complex aerodynamic surfaces</a>.<br /><br /> <sup>3</sup> Jocko was a <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/pl/player_search.cgi?search=jocko">common enough nickname</a> in baseball. For more information on Halligan's story, please see <a href="http://sabrpedia.org/wiki/Jocko_Halligan_%28421c%29">his succinct entry</a> in the SABR encyclopedia.<br /><br /> <sup>4</sup> Can anyone tell me what a bar mallet is, by the way? All of my research indicates that it was either a golf club or a piece of percussion equipment. Because I don't want to venture off on a tangent of a tangent about why he was carrying a golf club or percussion equipment<sup>4A</sup>, I'll just assume that a bar mallet is a </span><span style="text-decoration: underline;font-size:85%;" >10</span><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://www.benmeadows.com/images/xl/Sledge-Hammer-10-lb-BEN-_i_8DR55.jpg">-lb. hammer</a> (because <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVkCJN30pOc">Nine-Pound Hammers</a> are for hillbillies), which Ice Box carried with him because Ohio state laws permit concealed carrying of <a href="http://billstones.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/mc-hammer.jpg">large, blunt objects</a> for just such occasions.<br /><br /> <sup>4A</sup> Actually, that's never stopped this author from supposition. However, in this instance, I can find no other reason why a roughshod baseballist would carry such items other than to flog his opponents in battle. Chamberlain certainly was not a purveyor of <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_PrfuJwSJ5v8/R4-oTzBgLqI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/9tJ1vThjkHA/S600/gents.gif">gentlemanly pursuits</a> like <a href="http://www.marriedtothesea.com/080108/ptsd-golfing-dinosaur.gif">golf</a>, nor was he <a href="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsaibvcEEc1qzz1ito1_500.gif">inclined to song</a>, save the dull, rhythmic thudding of <a href="http://www.artvalue.com/photos/auction/0/44/44066/fischer-anton-otto-1882-1962-u-a-barroom-brawl-2019573.jpg">a melee</a>.</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-19654735647374501512011-10-31T11:26:00.000-07:002011-10-31T12:01:53.622-07:00Doug Gwosdz: If you see multiple vowels, your eyes are broken<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Oh36Lku-9No/Tq7pTf80BPI/AAAAAAAABqU/6fpDuU_boJ0/s1600/douggwosdz.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 284px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Oh36Lku-9No/Tq7pTf80BPI/AAAAAAAABqU/6fpDuU_boJ0/s400/douggwosdz.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5669725502109385970" border="0" /></a><br />For much of the country, Polish last names present linguistic challenges unparalleled in the languages of Europe. However, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Polonia_USA.png">having grown up near Chicago</a>, I'm familiar with many of the rules of Polish pronunciation and can usually work a new name out in a few seconds. In fact, I pride myself on correctly pronouncing the name of St. Louis Cardinals' reliever <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/r/rzepcma01.shtml">Mark Rzepczynski</a> correctly when I first saw it.<br /><br />But I am <a href="http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/shock.jpg">not perfect</a>. When I saw <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/g/gwosddo01.shtml">Doug Gwosdz</a><sup>1</sup>'s name crop up while doing some <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZeW64oWwOOs/SiqiiOC9kgI/AAAAAAAAA6A/PF1BfOj6yVE/s400/CatAsleepOnComputer.jpg">incredibly detailed research</a> for GNIB, I pronounced it "Gwosh." Which is wrong.<br /><br />Gwosdz's last name has been discussed at length <a href="http://spellczechs.wordpress.com/tag/doug-gwosdz/">here</a>, but the short version is that it's pronounced "Goosh" and he quickly drew the nickname "Eyechart" from former major league backstop <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/c/cannich01.shtml">Chris Cannizzaro</a>.<br /><br />Gwosdz, a catcher, played just 69 games for the San Diego Padres from 1981 to 1984. His offensive numbers are unimpressive, though he was a good defender. In all honesty, his odd name is probably his most notable achievement in the long annals of baseball history. But at least he doesn't <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/smithjo04.shtml">dwell</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/smithja02.shtml">in</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/a/anderbi01.shtml">total</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/d/davisjo01.shtml">baseball</a> <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/t/thompfr02.shtml">anonymity</a>.<br /><br />Read an incredibly short interview with Gwosdz <a href="http://angelsinorder.blogspot.com/2011/01/todays-mail-doug-gwosdz.html">here</a>. Read <a href="http://www.vocabulary.com/articles/wordroutes/3009/">this</a> while if you're surfing the 'net, also.<span style="display: block;" id="formatbar_Buttons"><span onmouseover="ButtonHoverOn(this);" onmouseout="ButtonHoverOff(this);" onmouseup="" onmousedown="CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 8);ButtonMouseDown(this);" class=" down" style="display: block;" id="formatbar_CreateLink" title="Link"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif" alt="Link" class="gl_link" border="0" /></span></span><br /><br /><sup>1</sup> I can say with relative certainty that the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calgary_Cannons">Calgary Cannons</a> got a huge lot of <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AXU9Ghd0oiE/S8R4QZIBEsI/AAAAAAAAAMY/QI6wXQAQEWA/s1600/krukow81.bmp">Chicago Cubs hats</a> that were surplus souvenirs from the Cubs' <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Chicago_Cubs#1947_-_1981:_The_Dark_Ages">dark years</a>. This would be explainable if the Cannons were affiliated with the Cubs, but they were instead the AAA team of the Seattle Mariners.Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237977209938558064.post-22309896096141194572011-10-28T08:39:00.000-07:002011-10-29T11:17:54.797-07:00Bris Lord: All your pork are belong to us<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y-aFRgK9g2I/TqrM8M6UajI/AAAAAAAABqA/wiGg4wp8aHM/s1600/Bris_Lord.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 282px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y-aFRgK9g2I/TqrM8M6UajI/AAAAAAAABqA/wiGg4wp8aHM/s400/Bris_Lord.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5668568415629240882" border="0" /></a><br />Philadelphia Athletics outfielder <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/l/lordbr01.shtml">Bristol 'Bris' Lord</a> played on Connie Mack's legendary teams of the early 20th Century.<br /><br />An average career hitter, Bris at some point picked up the nickname "<a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1077/771711895_8119a391fa.jpg">The Human Eyeball</a>." This nickname is a bit mysterious as his walk rates aren't terribly impressive and he struck out quite a bit for the Deadball Era, calling his eyesight and strike zone judgment into question. Maybe it came from his ability to spot a fetching prostitute from three city blocks away. Or perhaps it, uh...<br /><br />...hmmm...that's an odd...wait...is that?<br /><br />HOLY SHIT<sup>1</sup>! This man's middle name is <a href="http://skreened.com/render-product/m/q/c/mqcwssaqmjuqjitgrevq/robot-ham.american-apparel-juniors-fitted-tee.silver.w760h760.jpg">Robot Ham</a>! And his last name is <a href="http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0910/jesus-says-demotivational-poster-1255041701.jpg">Lord</a>! He was the <a href="http://i43.tinypic.com/1j2ceh.jpg">Robot Ham Lord</a>!<br /><br />What could possibly drive parents to christen their child with such an incredibly conceptual name? Is Athletics teammate <a href="http://members.cox.net/bngolden2/OsseeSchreck.jpg">Ossee Schrecengost</a> responsible? Was it <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__v16ajx69Mw/ScwLi0d8yfI/AAAAAAAAEsc/8G71-E8YXtg/s400/Doctor+Who+-+The+Aliens+Of+London+pig.jpg">time-traveling, sentient porcine bipeds</a> incubating swine flu? Was it related in any way to the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_James_A._Garfield#Stalking_the_President">assassination of James A. Garfield</a> two years before the Robot Ham Lord's birth<sup>2</sup>? Who succeeded Bristol as the next <a href="http://www.houseofnames.com/robotham-coat-of-arms">Robot Ham Lord</a><sup>3</sup>? And why was his nickname synonymous with the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brit_milah">Jewish circumcision ritual</a><sup>4</sup>?<br /><br />All of these questions will be answered in my forthcoming <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6b/DaVinciCode.jpg">speculative historical conspiracy theory</a> book "Eye in the Sty: Rulers of the Underground Autonomous Mechanical <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/20/Richard_Nixon.jpg/220px-Richard_Nixon.jpg">Pig</a> Society in America, 1860-1994<sup>5</sup>."<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><sup>1</sup> Pardon the profanity, but a more splendid name has never reached this hack writer's eyes.<br /><br /><sup>2</sup> It is not unreasonable to think that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_J._Guiteau">Charles J. Guiteau</a>, himself of <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-g24d7x9Ob64/TetmRzUAPCI/AAAAAAAAMPQ/VK6aFo6cOKo/s1600/french-soldiers-monty-python.jpg">French</a> (!) descent, acted in the interests of God, who had clearly told him to kill the president. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYA9ufivbDw">Some people say</a>, however, that this was a misinterpretation of Guiteau's confession, in which he claimed that he had acted on orders from the "Robot Ham Lord." Of course, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_robots">as the word "robot" was not yet introduced</a> (Guiteau's words are evidence for the time-traveling porcine biped theory), it was all dismissed as gibberish except for the bit about the "Lord."<br /><br /><sup>3</sup> And what was the method for determining succession? Was it birthright? In my soon-to-be-published book, I will give details on how the Athletics' acquisition of Bris Lord from the Cleveland Indians in 1911 was actually the method for secretly passing the title to <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/j/jacksjo01.shtml">Shoeless Joe Jackson</a>, who would attempt to infect America's game in 1919 during the Black Sox Scandal. Historical accounts consider Jackson a dimwit, but few know that he actually masterminded the whole scandal.<br /><br /><sup>4</sup> <a href="http://www.1st-art-gallery.com/thumbnail/68140/1/A-Scholar-1631.jpg">Some astute scholars</a> have also claimed that the Robot Hams were sent back to the 1860s by pork farmers from the future (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1nxaQhsaaw">part pig themselves by this time</a>) in order to spread the use of futuristic and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kosher_foods"><span style="font-style: italic;">kosher</span></a> bacon. Unfortunately, the <a href="http://www.cyberpunkreview.com/images_living/cyberpig.jpg">pigborgs</a> sent back in time almost immediately failed to spread the neo-bacon gospel and instead got distracted by the <a href="http://www.bloggerdad.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/book-machiavellian.png">Machiavellian workings</a> of inner-city politics and the vices that come with it.<br /><br /><sup>5</sup> No psychotropic drugs were harmed in the making of this post. This post has been brought to you by <a href="http://swankivy.com/shenanigans/labels/boredom.jpg">Extreme Boredom</a>: Now in <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzyfcys1aLM">Audio Form</a>!</span>Eric Roodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11702501963346688397noreply@blogger.com2