You can believe me or not, but I put together my list of 2013 food trends before I read celebrity chef Mario Batali’s list. And I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that our lists overlap considerably, because I’m not sure how I feel about Batali. (Except for the orange Crocs — I’m sure I hate those.)

Before looking ahead to this year, I would like to start with a list of things that need to de-trend.

Take red vel­vet. Please! Both of my devoted readers will know of my violent feelings when it comes to the stuff. It has to stop. This is the year that red velvet everything — cake, cookies, cheeseballs, martinis — must go the way of Beanie Babies and Zima. I mean, unless they start making puppies out of the stuff, I just can’t see where else this is headed besides out. (I obviously don’t spend much time on Pinterest.)

Kale you say? Yes, it’s very, very, very nutritious. And? That’s about the sum total of its appeal. I think this is one that will stick around though, because, perversely, as we (and by we, I mean me) grow ever fatter, we are more and more obsessed with “healthy” foods and “super” foods and “low-glycemic” foods and foods that don’t taste like foods (popped amaranth anyone?).

Truffle oil, different altogether than actual truffles, also makes my go-away list. Once a luxury item that made us feel fancy-pants, truffle oil is now shelved next to giant bottles of agave syrup, gourmet popcorn and themed gummies at T.J. Maxx, which is to foodstuffs what cruise ships are to performers.

Then we have the trends that were trends but now can’t really be called trends because they’ve been absorbed into our everyday, non-trendy life. This list includes sweet potatoes, Greek yogurt and the miniaturization of everything except us.

The miniaturization juggernaut began harmlessly enough with doughnuts, hopped over to cheesecakes and muffins, took over sandwiches (i.e. “sliders”), then moved like wildfire through the packaged food industry — mini cups of Häagen Dazs and mini crackers, mini Oreos and Pop-Tarts. I’ve seen recipes for mini beef Wellington, mini bloody Marys, and even mini chicken and waffles.

And now, a look ahead

So what’s new? Well, keep in mind that food is like words: Nothing is really new new. More often “new” means rediscovered, revamped, Frankensteined, slimmed down or fattened up.

With that in mind, here’s a list of my five trends to look for around these parts in 2013:

1.Fennel pollen. Better late than never, Iowans will start seeing this on menus. It’s harvested from the buds of flowering fennel plants and I’ve heard two local chefs talking about it in the last few weeks. Italian cooks, coastal farmers markets and gourmet catalogs have had the stuff for ages, and before the ages, it was sold in health food stores as a digestive aid. The Wall Street Journal called it “culinary fairy dust.”

2.Fermentation. Obviously, booze is fermented and it’s not new. What’s new is that people are starting to talk about fermentation and its health benefits. Oh-so thankfully, fermented is about way more than kombucha, a nasty, fermented, fizzy “tea” distinguished by a cloud of gelatinous sludge and a vague taste of dirt. The existence of kombucha in grocery stores can only be explained by assuming it drafted behind the probiotic/detox mania. There are however, edible things that are fermented — yogurt, sauerkraut, soy sauce and some pickles, to name just a few.

3. Ancient grains If you’ve already discovered the joys of quinoa, move on to amaranth and spelt or farro and millet. Some of these are not technically grains, but you get the idea. This is another coattail trend, sailing into our consciousness with the hordes of newly diagnosed (and self-diagnosed) gluten-intolerants.

4.Charcuterie All things sausage and meat are hot and getting hotter. In Iowa, I credit Norwalk’s La Quercia and their national reputation for giving cured meats a (pig) leg to stand on. I don’t think I’ve ever met a chef who doesn’t wax poetic about making sausage and other meat-based wonders. Look for them to be more adventurous this year (while trying to work within onerous federal regulations).

5. Artisan everything This is the best trend ever, and one that I think — and fiercely hope — will be soon be so über-trendy that it’s no longer a trend, but just what is. Even now, it’s a mega trend and getting mega-er, a trend so trendy that it follows and creates other trends. It’s both an offshoot of the locavore trend and the engine that drives the trend ever forward. Small-batch products both helped create the artisan movement and are a result of it.

It’s responsible for us Heartlanders being able to buy incredible cheeses, delicious and unheard of cocktails, delicate pastries and small-batch beers, jams and marshmallows. “Artisan,” in food parlance, was once a term reserved mostly for bread, but has started to include everything from pickles to whiskey to even meat and poultry.