Profile: Despite being on the Foundation payroll, Dr. Llama has never actually performed a day of work. What appears to be Dr. Llama sitting in his office every day is in fact a crudely built animatronic repeating the phrases “This is looking to be another fruitful, completely legitimate work period,” “Wow! This object is exhibiting anomalous properties which I am currently researching!” and “I sure hope we don’t have another containment breach, ha ha, am I right colleague?”. Dr. Llama’s other work is actually performed a complex array of robots, holograms, and artificial intelligences simulating his semblance.

Dr. Llama’s absence was discovered 6 Feb ████ when a colleague attempted to invite him to a party celebrating his thirty years of non-fatal employment. Since then, contact with the actual Dr. Llama has only been achieved once, undergoing a remote interview in which he confirmed his life was “exactly like Ferris Bueller's Day Off times 365.” It is entirely possible and even likely that Dr. Llama has since deceased, and his equipment continues employment unmoderated.

Reports issued by Dr. Llama Dr. Llama’s automated systems:SCP-1584 - The one with the life preserverSCP-1689 - The one with the potatoesSCP-2187 - The one with the esperantistsSCP-2584 - The one with the snakesSCP-2282 - The one with the goat

Collabs:SCP-1528 - The one with the fix-all (In collaboration with Roget)

SCP-1584: I know that first SCPs being very successful and the author being really surprised is a cliche. It was totally unexpected for me because I was intentionally unambitious. I'd been reading the site for a long time and actually had a few ideas, but was never motivated to join the site and write 'em because they were all okay to sort of cool, and would take a fair amount of effort. One day (story elided) I had the idea for floatationdevice, and wanted to write it simply because it didn't need any more.

Right now my goal is to surpass its success.

SCP-1689: A friend suggested I write an SCP which was a sack of potatoes stolen from a poor Siberian village. I like exploration logs. I tried to strike a balance of humor and creepy immersion with this one, because being trapped in a cavern of potatoes is pretty scary to me. I don't know if it's as unsettling as I wanted, but peopled liked the jokes so I'm not complaining.

Oh, and one thing people may have noticed but I haven't seen anybody comment on: Imagine if your isolated village relied on a single sack of potatoes for food for more than a century, and then a mysterious group of individuals just showed up and took it. Yeah. Not gonna do so well.

SCP-1528: This was my project straight out of floatationdevice. I wrote a draft and showed it around and Roget liked the idea. And I… didn't do anything. Wrote SCP-1689 and parts of other SCPs that are still floating around my sandbox. A while later Roget encouraged me to work on it still, and suggested we collaborate. Maybe I could say he was the Jobs and I was the Wozniak (if I knew anything about early Apple history). I'm very happy with the changes he made and how it eventually turned out.

SCP-2187: This is my best idea. By far. None of the other ones compare. Unfortunately, I haven't a goddamn clue how to write it. It's sort of a shame that I rushed to complete it for the 2000 contest, as I otherwise would have taken a lot more time with it. Oh well. It didn't turn our horrible. I'll do a partial rewrite just to clean it up a little pretty soon, and possibly a major rewrite at some point in the future.

SCP-2584: I really like loop snakes. People wondered whether or not the Foundation would really keep them as pets; I don't know. I just really want the Foundation to let people keep them as pets. Because they would make really great pets.