Tuesday 20 March 2012 13.18 EDT
First published on Tuesday 20 March 2012 13.18 EDT

A MANCINI OF PRINCIPLES

As journalistic forerunners of the Fiver, the gospel hacks Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are worthy of respect and their words should be taken with great earnestness and solemnity. Alas, the Fiver's copy of the Bible was consumed by flames during a prolonged bout of listening to Slayer so we now find ourselves in no position to swat up on the details of the parable of the Prodigal Son.

However, as far as we recall, the wasteful hobo did not return home only after failing to strike a deal with Milan, Internazionale, Paris St-Germain and a slew of other clubs who, it turns out, still have a little sense to go with their money. So there is no Biblical precedent for the story of Carlos Tevez. Unless you want go along with Kia Joorabchian, who appears to think Tevez is some kind of God himself.

Actually, Roberto Mancini is not a million miles from that belief, as he turns to Tevez in search of the divine inspiration he hopes can rescue Manchester City's Premier League campaign. Some might say Mancini's decision to recall Tevez for tomorrow's match against Chelsea represents the most humiliating climb-down since the Fiver endured scabrous mocking by a multitude of five-year-olds for backing out of the Blackpool water slide at the last minute.

"If we want to improve as a team, Carlos can't play with us – he is finished," denounced Mancini last September after his Argentinian goleador objected to being asked to warm up again in the Big Cup match versus Bayern Munich. "It is impossible [for Tevez to play for City again]," added Mancini in January. Fast forward to today. "I don't think Carlo can have more than 25-30 minutes [against Chelsea tomorrow]," blurted Mancini suddenly as squeaky bum time did a mess on the Italian's principles. "In three or four games he could have 90 minutes, easily."

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"There were over 100 Anzhi supporters in the VIP box. The man who threw a banana was among them" - another triumph for football's battle against racism, with Lokomotiv Moscow blaming Anzhi Makhachkala's fans for the banana that was thrown at Anzhi's Christopher Samba at the weekend.

FIVER LETTERS

"Sam Allardyce on Ravel Morrison's substitute appearance at Nasty Leeds: 'Ravel got a good feel for what football was all about. He didn't get much of a touch but at least he's on the field.' Faintest praise ever?" - Mark Taylor.

"I don't believe the Syrian allegation that video of Barcelona's play demonstrates arms-smuggling routes (yesterday's bits and bobs). However, after watching Wolves struggle defensively against Manchester United at the weekend, I think I figured out a way to break through/around the Maginot Line" - Mike Wilner.

BITS AND BOBS

Fabrice Muamba spent a "comfortable" night in intensive care, according to a statement from Bolton Wanderers. "It's very early in the process, the doctors have stressed that so we all know what's involved," said Owen Coyle. "Fabrice still has a long way to go but it's encouraging signs." Bolton will play their Premier League match against Blackburn on Saturday.

Cadena SER, a Spanish radio station, claims Barcelona have agreed a deal to sign human haircut Neymar for €58m in 2014, and that they have already paid a quarter of the fee.

Chelsea have sacked midfielder Jacob Mellis, who played in Big Cup last season, after he admitted letting off a smoke grenade at the club's training ground in March.

Brain of Britain contender Nile Ranger has admitted to breaching bail conditions which precluded him from entering Newcastle town centre.

Lionel Messi has a decade to score the one goal he needs to equal Barcelona's scoring record. The current record holder, Cesar Rodriguez, had his official total revised from 235 to 232 by some nerds in darkened rooms.

Jack Rodwell has knacked his hamstring for the 97th time this season.

Richard Dunne will continue his rehabilitation from collarbone-ouch with Randy Lerner's Cleveland Browns, an NFL club in America, where they serve really huge burgers with chips, which has nothing to do with Richard Dunne.