adulthood

I get that life is transitional, I do, I just never really thought about what that meant. There are the obvious, well-defined changes, the ones that seem to happen over night,

You’re born and you’re a baby, turn 2 and you’re a toddler, you’re a kid until you turn 13 and literally overnight you’re a teenager, 18 and suddenly everyone’s calling you an adult…

Then, of course, 21 happens, you’re legal everywhere, and it’s the last birthday anyone cares about before you want to start lying about your age.

You take your first step and you’ve gone from crawling to walking.

You start school and work your way from elementary to primary to high school, a regimented progression.

Graduate, move out, get a job, settle down.

These transitions are expected, planned for and pretty much happen right on schedule. Then there are the ones that happen after you turn 21, the ones that restructure your priorities, goals, expectations, interpersonal relationships, virtually your whole personal identity, so slowly that you don’t even realise it’s happening until you wake up one morning with the realisation that you’ve become a totally different person.

These are the changes I feel should have come with the biggest warnings, the neon billboard of warnings, something a little more explicit than the “You’ll understand when you’re older.”we all assumed was just a cop out.

I don’t know if this is a common theme but it’s been bothering me more and more lately. This idea that I’m just going through the motions, with absolutely no clue what I’m doing, and the pervasive fear that someone will realise that I’m still on the fake it part of fake it ’til you make it.