Forum » Topic: Scottish Widows investigation launchedhttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21780
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Anonymous on "Scottish Widows investigation launched"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21780#post-58827
Fri, 25 Feb 2011 10:32:58 +0000Anonymous58827@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Brill .5 I prefer feigling
</p>Zadok the second on "Scottish Widows investigation launched"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21780#post-58820
Fri, 25 Feb 2011 10:08:33 +0000Zadok the second58820@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Lothian and Borders Police have launched an investigation into a secretive society known only as ‘Scottish Widows’.</p>
<p>Notoriously publicity-shy, apart from their ubiquitous television advertisements, ‘Scottish Widows’ may in fact be a codename for a group of cloaked female assassins who seek out wealthy elderly Scotsmen for financial gain.</p>
<p>“Our undercover ops team tell us that many older, lonely Scottish men are being directly targeted, “ Joss Hannay, Lothian and Borders Assistant Chief Constable said yesterday. “They move fast looking for octogenarians, hoods up, power-mincing their way through hotel lobbies, across golf-courses, and especially, wandering aimlessly around privet-walled mazes. To be honest, we don’t know why they do that last one.”</p>
<p>“Anyone with any knowledge of a real Scottish widow will struggle to recognise these Rimmelled girl-ninjas. They rarely do jigsaws or knit, and never offer a Victory V to a stranger on the bus.” </p>
<p>“They’ll often open the conversation with something designed to inveigle the victim and encourage him to let down his guard, such as a question over the merits of particularly peaty Islay single malt. In fact they are poised like a coiled spring, just waiting to unleash their vicious teeth into him, to kiss his fingers with their pouting red lips, to drag their talon-like nails down his wrinkled flesh, and… oh, excuse me.”</p>
<p>A group of families with elderly male relatives in Galashiels have already started to take precautions, by booking their granddads and uncles on a coach trip to a holiday-home/clinic in Zurich.
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