May 2016 Babies

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n

Pregnant to partner of 3 months?

newmummma16 wrote:

So I just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant to my partner of a very short 3 months... We were both very shocked and pretty upset at the start, but are slowly getting used to the idea and starting to get pretty excited. Neither of us wanted to have a baby before we were married as we are both Christians who messed, and this is the outcome. we know baby will be such a blessing though. I'm am not the kind to rush into a relationship but considering the situation we are in, we are now really considering getting married. He is really keen to.. "put a ring on it" and when we first discussed it I was also, but now I'm having second thoughts. I want our baby to have a mummy and daddy who love each other but really worried if we rush into this it may turn out worse off. We really want to do the right thing and do what best for our baby and we do love each other a lot. Would love to here anyone else's stories or/ and advice.

I'm on the same boat, my bf and I have Only been together 4 months and I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I was on birth control so don't know what happened. He was totally shocked and asked me to abort because this baby wasn't planned... I refused and will continue to do so. He is slowly starting to get out of shock mode and he's starting to become very caring..guess all we both need is time. I'm assuming this would be a shock to anyone dating for that amount of time.. Congrats and good luck!

Six month surprise for me. I'm 5w6d along. We've talked about marriage and kids but this totally caught us by surprise seeing that we were about to take a little break. Everything was getting crazy intense and figured if we can't survive the break then ok it's that crazy forever kinda love but if we can then maybe it was seasonal. Really hard time agreeing/trying to act on the idea Then boom we're pregnant. I totally understand wanting to do the right thing but I would suggest waiting a bit before deciding on marriage. That's our plan. Babies are blessings indeed but sometimes they can really change people and not always for the best. Please keep me posted and feel free to personally contact anytime. I wish nothing but the best for you and your family!!

n

newmummma16

Thanks ladies, @kree_: We are the same age, I'm 25 his 35, I think Im also struggling with the fact I have to now grow up and be all adul like too haha. yeah I'm sure these next few months is going to be a whirl wind for us all, to say the least. I guess i'm so thankful for how supportive he is, and the fact the he is ready to dive in for the long haul is a good sign.

Congrats and Good Luck to both of you ladies Wish you all the best!!

S

Sweethoneybee13

Babies are blessings congratulations! But don't get married just because you're expecting, get married because you're in love and ready, a baby can have a mommy and daddy without them being married and still get just as much love. Just think more about it and give it to God! I only say that because my husband friend just literally told us he's divorcing his wife because he only married her because she was pregnant and he can raise his son without being married to someone he barely likes, I am so terribly sorry for her. It breaks my heart. Just pray about it! And I'm not trying to scare you, marriage is sacred and a big step is all and can be wonderful but for the right circumstances.

That is a really sad story and the kind I want to avoid. thanks for your advice, I know this baby will be a blessing even though its not the best situation. Yeah definitely still praying about it a lot. But yes, I totally agree marriage is sacred and I want it to be for the right reasons. Thanks again :)

L

LondonJessie

Hi ladies, I was in a similar situation with my first. I fell pregnant the day we made our relationship official!!! I ended up moving across country to where his family are from as its a lot safer and the area has better schools etc. when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I also desperately wanted to get married but with buying a house and preparing for a baby it just couldn't happen for us. Fast forward 16 months...I am now 6 weeks pregnant by the same man with a 15 month old. We're still not married although I would love to be, id like a small ceremony nothing big or fancy but my bf really wants the whole celebration that goes with it but to have that you need to have money for it. And at the moment we've agreed that that's not a priority right now and I'm ok with it. Ofcourse I would have preferred to be married first but it just didn't work out so now I just need to make it work as best as I can for my family and we seem to be doing just fine :-) I hope that helps you to realise that whatever you decide to do things can always work out in the end as long as you do what's right for you.

I wouldn't rush it ! Wait until after baby is born to decide :) . I met my SO back in 2011 .. I literally got pregnant the FIRST time we did it. I was so upset and scared because I was having a baby by a man I didn't even know! (Oh and I felt like a complete hoe) but after I had the baby we got pregnant again within 6wks PP & then we got married :) ... We now have 2 kids together he has stepped up and played the part of dad to my oldest from a former relationship and we are expecting baby #4! I am completely surprised and feel VERY lucky .. Not many men from a one nighter from the club stick around and raise a family !

& congrats BTW ! Keep faith :)

B

BabyLeaming2016

I wouldn't recommend getting married just because you are pregnant. I was only with my bf for 6 months when we conceived. I was on birth control but I had taken antibiotics. We are both Christians who attend the same church two to three times a week with his parents. He kind of felt pressured to get married but we agreed that it'd be a bad idea. It would add a lot of stress in a very delicate time. No one would take the unity seriously because of the pregnancy. We don't want our family believing we are only getting married b/c we are expecting. Also we really like the idea of involving our child in the wedding.

C

CSBD

Marriage is a lot of work! Take the time to learn to be parents first and let the relationship unfold on its own. I can't imagine how hard it would be to learn to be a parent and a spouse at the same time. No need to rush it. Getting married is quick and easy, getting divorced is complicated. And if you're just afraid of being judged by your community, those who will judge you will do so either way.

M

Mommy.Dickson

Just because you are having a baby together doesn't mean you should get married.

Me and my husband got pregnant after less then a year of being together. We didn't get married til after our second baby. Lol. We got together 11/9/11. Our first was born 3/5/13. Our second was born 2/16/14. We got married 5/15/14. And now we are on # 3. Due 5/16/16.

My opinion is to wait. Make sure you will be happy. Me and my husband got an early start unexpectedly. But we are still together and going strong.

What's done is done. Getting married isn't going to right the "wrong". Take your time, don't rush into things or make a huge decision while you're already in a vulnerable position. There's no reason you need to be married to have this baby. Congrats! Hope everything works out the way you hope!

I think it is best if you delay getting married for now. Your baby will always have parents but you need time to make sure you were meant to be married. You don't want to rush into a huge commitment while you're already going through a big life change. Rushing into it, in my opinion, won't benefit your baby or your relationship. And who knows, if it works out and you find out you love each other after all, your baby can be a flower girl or ring bearer! Nothing wrong with that. Accidents happen, things sometimes go out of order. But for bind yourself to someone if you're not absolutely sure it's meant to be.

f

fiveohaly

same happened to me and he ended up leaving me, at first he was happy now he is saying he loves his ex ima total mess!

i would still work on your guyses relationship and what ever happens happens for a reason

Similar boat here actually. I've been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 months. This baby was planned though and we are getting married soon. It all seems silly from the outside but anyone who knows us knows that this is exactly what we want. I've been in therapy for a while just as maintenance and my therapist even agreed that each relationship has its own timeline. I'm really so excited to get married to this wonderful man.

My parents got married after 3 months of dating..and they're still together 30 years later. However, they weren't in the same situation as you are. I'd personally never marry someone after such a short time but it does work for some people. Follow your heart and do what you want, not what society and churches would want you to do. God blessed you with a baby for a reason, it was in your plan he has for you. Good luck!!!

g

gemlei

I got pregnant from a one night stand at 22 and married when our son was six months old for (religious reasons). I wasn't ready to give up my young, free, selfish life and felt forced into the situation. He was 10 yrs my senior and I was the 3rd wife. It didn't work out but we're now able to co-parent and it's awesome. My 14 yr old son has two stable households and he loves it (although that's all he's known since he was one yr old).

Personally I would wait a while before rushing into things. :-)

GL to you!!

n

newmummma16

Thanks everyone for the advice, its been so encouraging to know I'm not the only person in this situation and that we still have a good chance at this. I totally agree with you all, marriage is not something that should be rushed into. I feel like the right thing to do is to just keep working on getting to know one another better and take things slow, let the natural process happen.

Thanks again ladies, so nice to know there are so many uplifting and non-judgmental people out there :) good luck to you all in your journeys

k

khaines26

My parents were together for only 3 months when they got pregnant with me. I hear the story all the time. They have been together for 23 years. They were married under the common law and just officially got married out in Vegas last year for the fun out it. Honestly If you and your boyfriend are meant to be you will make it work do not let anyone's judgment or your fear get in the way.

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