Janeen O’Kerry’s Sister of the Moon is a fantasy romance minus the brains. It’s all about airy fairy scenes and fantasy quests minus the excitement or context. And it’s a romance that is more akin to heroine worship than anything else.

It’s a romance between a human and a Sidhe Queen. The Sidhe is dying because Man is invading their forests and driving these poor insignificant gits into hiding. Instead of trying to build fortifications, grow some fruit trees, or doing anything to ensure their survival, the Sidhe huddle around and speak in annoying vague rubbish. No wonder they are dying. Stupid gits.

Their Queen is Scahta, and she is no better than her passive, useless people. Instead of asking her people to either take up arms, make more food, or commit voluntary genocide, she thinks about sex. She is sure that if she boinks a human, she will find a husband to help her rule her people and bring them back to greatness again. This is like saying that if I have sex with a hot hunk, all my wrinkles, cellulite, and mortgage will evaporate in a nanosecond. A nice fantasy, really, but seriously? Bwahahaha.

The lucky human is Anlon, a lowly servant who is built like a porno barbarian fantasy, and he agrees without qualms to be Scahta’s sex slave. If this story goes into a nonstop boinkathon complete with interesting Sidhe positions and variations, I may stay awake, but no. Anlon and Scahta stop interacting with each other, as he embarks on some third-rate Conan the Barbarian rip-off adventures and she stands there and frets around. No passion, no sexual tension, just Scahta Wan Kenobi here sending poor Anlon the Dimwitted running around all over the place (and time) to save a race of people too stupid and dumb to save themselves. After a while, even the idea of shagging the cold, childlike, and petulant Wan Kenobi Lolita here seems like a poor compensation to Anlon the Dimwitted’s herculean attempt to save the Sidhe.

Verdict? I’m sure we should have just let natural selection do its job and wipe out these useless Sidhe critters. Bring on the Ewoks!