How To Bang A Persian Girl

L.D. Hume, formerly known as Law Dogger, is an attorney and the litigation partner of his law firm. A traditionalist at heart, he travels often in an attempt to expose himself to as many cultures across the globe as possible. His column runs every so often and he can be found on Twitter as well.

Ahh Persian girls. The sometimes delicate, always materialistic, often complicated and usually bitchy flowers of the female species. They vary from outright gorgeous to downright hideous with excess hair and cycloptic unibrows. On the bright side, a common ground most share is that they are traditional and feminine. They like dinner dates, they want to being picked up, they enjoy wearing dresses and heels – essentially they embrace being a woman.

Let’s keep these generalizations going. Many live at home with their parents and learned how to cook and clean the tables from their elders. They care about their appearances so much so that they fear leaving the house without looking their best – be it make up, hair, heels, or that expensive dress. And of course, they are materialistic – they care what you drive, they have one or more Chanel bags, they’ll invade your city’s fancy bars/restaurants, and so on. They tend to hang out in large groups of other Persian girls and bounce around town in these flocks.

Although not my cup of tea, I know a substantial population of men find them sexy and desirable, yet are left clueless on how to bed one. And while I’m not Persian, having lived in very Persian dominated communities all my life, I’ve come to know a thing or two about Persian girls. To ring in the Persian New Year, I thought what better way to celebrate than a quick nuts and bolts guide I put together on how to bang a Persian girl (click on the image for the full version).

Legend

Persian Game: It’s a variation of standard Western game. You bring the wit, humor, “negs” as you call them, cocky attitude, and ability to demonstrate value. However, where it differs is you have to put forth some old school traditional game. You make all the plans, you pick her up, you are the man in this relationship. In a way, it falls into a bit of Eastern Game. Style is very important. So is money. You pay for everything. No cheaping out on dinners/dates/drinks. You don’t have to take her to $300 dinners or anything like that, but let’s just say happy hour and tacos is not going to cut it.

Private Man Persian Game:The same as Persian Game above, except you add in an aura of being very private. In her eyes, at least. You don’t discuss bangs with your friends. You don’t hang out with other Persians. You don’t know anyone in her social circle, or her family. It’s one of the few times where not being in her social circle is a huge advantage. These girls care about reputation more than anything, and you have to mitigate the fear of them being deemed a slut.

Traditional Persian Jew: This is a sliding scale as there is no magic question that determines whether she is or is not a TPJ. While not exhaustive, here are some clues that she is not a TPJ:

She does not live at home, or has not lived at home for a period of more than just her college years

She does not listen to exclusively Persian music

She doesn’t care what you drive

When asked who her friends are, less than 50% are Persian

Her best friend is not Persian

She goes out a lot on Friday nights (traditional Shabbat dinner for Jewish families)

Welcome To America Game:This one is rather simple. You are the wonderful man that is going to show her what America is really like, including its sexual liberation. You treat her like a foreigner that is just visiting – take her to tourist spots, show her around town, fun restaurants. You still need to have some Persian Game, but it can be lightened up. When it comes to sex, trust me she is dying to see what it’s about. Reassure her that this is the way it happens in America, sex is common and expected among people that are attracted and like each other. Sex happens quickly. Blowjobs are fun and exciting! Take a standard virgin’s curiosity and amplify it exponentially and you have the recently imported Persian girl who is more than happy to indulge herself in the Western experience.

Conclusion

As I mentioned these are generalizations. Inevitably there is always that random slut who lives at home and cooks ghormeh sabzi, yet will ground and pound any dick in sight. While it takes a bit of tweaking to your game (e.g. refusing to buy a drink = cheap/unmanly), for the large part the formula above will work. And even if you don’t succeed penetrating the Persian girl society, at least you can can say you put in that Spartan effort.

L.D. Hume, formerly known as Law Dogger, is an attorney and the litigation partner of his law firm. A traditionalist at heart, he travels often in an attempt to expose himself to as many cultures across the globe as possible. His column runs every so often and he can be found on Twitter as well.