Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

(A tenant was upset that she had called the maintenance emergency number at midnight on a Saturday night, and they did not respond immediately. She came into my office the following Monday morning to explain her ‘emergency.’)

Tenant: “I had a leak from my bathtub faucet. I put a bucket in the bathtub to catch the leak. It got worse and the bucket overflowed. Don’t you consider that an emergency?”

Me: “Did the overflow go down the bathtub drain?”

Tenant: “Yes.”

Me: “Did any water leak outside of the bathtub?”

Tenant: “No.”

Me: “No, we do not consider a leak contained in the bathtub as an emergency.”

(A customer comes into the store and orders a large amount of building supplies to build a shed. She is helped and checked out by me. Her brother comes for the items a few hours later, and I load them up. She calls back the next day.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m coming to pick up my order today, and just want to make sure it’s ready.”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. What is the name and phone number attached to the order? ”

Customer: “It’s [Name] and [phone number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it appears your order was already picked up by your brother.”

(When she placed her order with me, she told me her brother’s name and that he would be picking it up. This was listed on her order at the time of purchase by me.)

Me: “Hmm. No brother?”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m an only child!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not going to do that for you.”

Customer: “What…?”

Me: “See, when I first answered the phone I stated my name. When running this double dip scam in the future, please note the name of the person you’re dealing with. I not only helped you with the purchase and rang you up. I also loaded your brother’s truck with the merchandise. [Brother’s Name]. I also checked his id, first and last name. I hope this is all clear as I would hate to repeat myself and waste any more of my time.”

Customer: “I… what is your name?!”

Me: “We here at [Store] thank you for your business and your continued support. Please do not hesitate to shop again with us. And can you do me a favor?”

Customer: “…what?”

Me: “Have a lovely day.”

(Her brother returned the next day to return the merchandise. He was denied.)

(I work at a very high-end store. One of the perks we enjoy is that every year we get exclusive collections of expensive clothing, furniture, and other household items that you wouldn’t be able to find anywhere else. On this particular day a woman storms up to my register brandishing a piece of silverware from one such collection.)

Woman: “Hey, do you have any more of these in stock?”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. We just got a fresh shipment in last week.”

Woman: “Good, I’ll take two sets to be delivered to my apartment. And be quick about it! I have to catch a train in ten minutes!”

(Ignoring her abrasive attitude, I quickly and efficiently ring her up, get her shipping details, and log the silverware to be sent off. She then practically rips the receipt out of my machine the instant it’s printed and runs out of my area. I think nothing more of this and go back to tidying the shelves up when, around an hour later, I get paged to help someone in the kitchen area nearby. Upon walking over I discover the same woman being helped by one of my co-workers.)

Coworker: “Ah, [My Name], this woman here is wondering if we have any pots and pans that match the silverware she just purchased from you. Thought you might be able to help her out with that. She’s in a bit of a hurry.”

(The woman looks at me and promptly turns sheet white.)

Me: “Hello again! Um… did your train get delayed?”

Coworker: “Train? No, she said she had a dental appointment.”

Me: “Oh… well, I’m sorry. I heard train and—”

(The woman promptly cuts me off with an agonizing scream.)

Woman: “Okay I admit it! I hate your f****ing store and every d*** s***-head that works here! If I had my way I’d have had this whole block demolished decades ago, but you’re the only place that carries [Designer] brand exclusive items so I’m trying to just get my stuff and get out of here as quick as possible so I don’t have to spend too long speaking to you f***ers! There, you happy now?!”

Me: *stunned* “Well… uh… not really, but if it helps at all you don’t have to lie to us like that. We can handle the occasional low opinion.”

(I work in the appliances department of a popular home improvement store. Occasionally, I go to the customer service desk to help out. On this particular evening, a customer is arguing with my older, Irish coworker. I walk over to help out.)

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Coworker: “Oh, she refused her appliances and wants a refund.”

Me:*to customer* “When were your appliances delivered?”

Customer: “At five-thirty.”

Me: “Today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I check the time and see it’s only six-forty pm. The delivery company office closes at five pm and so do our venders.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. The delivery office is closed, and the notes indicating that you refused your appliances aren’t in the system yet. It won’t be until eight o’clock in the morning.”

Coworker: “Yeah, once the notes are in, there’s a 72-hour wait until we get the identification numbers for the appliances. Then, we can process your refund.”

Me: “We get the identification number from [appliance brand the customer bought from].”

Customer: “No, no, no. I buy from [Store], not [Appliance Brand].”

Coworker: “Yes, but we need those numbers in order to process the refund. The identification numbers let us know that the refused washer and dryer are back with [Appliance Brand]. Once the notes come in tomorrow morning, we’ll get the identification numbers and give you a call.”

Customer: “No. I buy from [Store]. I want my money now!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is our policy with [Appliance Brand]. There is nothing we can do until the notes show up in the system tomorrow morning and—“

(The customer grabs her paperwork and abruptly walks off to the appliance department. A short time later, another coworker calls me back to appliances because a customer wishes to return her appliances and get a refund. Low and behold, it’s the same customer.)

Customer:*freezes upon seeing me* “He call you?”

Me: “Yes, I’m the appliance specialist. What did you need?”

Customer:*points to a stacked washer and dryer* “I want those.”

Me: “Sure! I can set up an order for you.”

Customer: “But I want credit from this to use to that.” *waves her paperwork in front of me*

Me: “Ma’am, like I told you earlier, after the notes show up, it can take up to 72 hours for the identification numbers then—“

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t. Not until we get the identification numbers from [Appliance Brand].”

Customer: “No, I didn’t buy from [Appliance Brand]. I bought from [Store]. You need to give me my money.”

Me: “Ma’am, the store cannot process any refund until we get the identification numbers from [Appliance Brand]. Once we have those, you’ll get your money back. Without it, we cannot do anything, especially since there aren’t any notes in the system yet.”

(Note: this particular appliance brand also makes TVs, laptops, and cellphones. It is practically impossible for them to go bankrupt. Especially in three days.)

Customer: “I said ‘if’. If they go bankrupt. [Another unrelated company] went bankrupt and I lost my money. What do I do if [Appliance Brand] goes bankrupt?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not really an issue nor a concern. You’re more than welcome to buy a new washer and dryer set, but you’ll have to wait 72 hours for your refund. I can show you some features this washer has—“