FAQ

(frequently asked questions)

Ever since this site had been created I've received
numerous e-mails asking me about all sorts of issues related to adult
thumb sucking. This section is a compilation of the most frequently asked
questions. Hopefully it's extensive enough to cover all the issues. If you
have a question that isn't handled here, please
e-mail me and I will address it.

For most ATS it comes down to habit. When we were
children, tsing gave us a lot of pleasure, satisfying the sucking instinct
and even possibly compensating for less nurturance than we may have needed
but, as we got older, this satisfying behavior became a habit. As such, we
learned to associate it with certain comforting needs that we all share.
These associations help to relieve psychological stress. We also retained
its usefulness in helping us go to sleep under a variety of conditions and
moods. Weve also found that, by relaxing us, it helps us to
concentrate better. All these benefits, over a lifetime, only encouraged
us to continue.

Other factors that may have enabled us to continue concern
our ability to hide it. Additionally, for most ATS, its benefits
outweighed any dental affects. In other words, the cost/benefit ratio was
weighted towards the benefit end of the spectrum. In some rare cases, the
benefits combined with a confident personality and this combination
enabled the ATS to indulge, even in public or in front of trusted friends
or family members.

There have been a good number of cases where large
percentages of siblings are ATSers. A major tying theme in these families
has been alcoholism on the part of the parents, particulary the father.
Some cases mentioned drug dependency among one or more of the siblings and
so this, too, may play a part in certain situations. Another aspect which
may serve to further cement the habit, in these kinds of cases, involve
issues of emotional neglect on the part of the parent(s) when the ATS was
a child. Tsing may have provided feelings of safety and/or security for
these individuals. These same adaptations carried into adulthood.

For most adults, tsing is very difficult to stop. The
associations built up over a lifetime entrench the habit very deeply
within our personality. However, there have been many who have stopped,
usually due to dental effects or at the incessant urging of a significant
person. The statistics show a general fall-off after 50 years of age,
though that may be more due to a statistical fluke than anything else.
There have been known instances of individuals tsing into old age also. A
woman doctor ATS, age 80, is quoted in this site. If you find the costs
significantly outweighing the benefits, you may find that your motivation
to stop will overcome the habit, though there are many cases where, during
times of emotional trauma, the habit reemerged. But, is that so bad?

This is a very individual matter of course. Tsing is a
very cheap, convenient and effective way to calm oneself or to achieve
sleep regardless of the situation. It often puts one in a state of instant
meditation, with physiological similarities such as reduction of heart
rate and more. The risks, though small, involve changes in the occlusion
and possible infections from uncleaned fingers. On the other hand (the one
you may prefer *smile*), if youre still tsing by adulthood, chances
are your occlusion has stabilized. Tsers are also wary about getting their
preferred finger(s) or thumb dirty and many of them keep their favorite
digit clean or even wash their hands before indulging. Most ATS agree
that, even if their teeth have moved a bit, the resultant occlusion makes
it more comfortable to ts, and therefore its worth the benefits.

The main reason that ATS want to stop has to do with a
combination of the negative social definitions associated with this
behavior and the poor self image derived by believing that they are alone
in this behavior. Despite the fact that the stereotype doesn't fit the
details (one need only to explore the rest of this site to conclude this)
the public generally believes that an adult who sucks their thumb is
immature or psychologically unsound. Usually, though, when an ATS happens
upon this site there is great relief in knowing, finally, that they are
far from alone. Still, most ATS don't feel the habit is worth suffering
the resultant social stigmas and, so, they "closet" the
practice.

Stopping involves many questions. If you are confident
enough to withstand the usually short-lived reactions of those that learn
of your habit for the first time you've eliminated one of the major
reasons for anxiety (read the article on
embarrassment for more details on
this). If you realize that there are numerous ATS in this world, perhaps
millions, you needn't feel "weird", since this habit is quite
human and the other ATS are as normal as most others, something you can
confirm by writing to those listed in the Pen
Pal Section. If you can come to terms with the fact that your tsing
enhances your life by providing an easy means of tension relief and sleep
production, you will accept its definate benefits. If you conclude that
those who love you should accept you for who you are, you won't put your
tsing in the category that lessens your worth. And finally, if you love
yourself, you will be able to accept who you are on your terms, not on the
terms of others. Accepting who we are, and we are only partially ATSers,
is the basis of inner peace.

Invariably, the motivation to stop is usually derived from
outside ourselves and that is why it is so hard to stop. We enjoy tsing.
It makes us feel good. It's essentially harmless and doesn't interfere
with the rights of others, like smoking does. So, ask yourself first why
you want to stop. If you think about it, the reasons to stop don't compare
to the reasons not to stop. But, as said above, this is something that you
need to decide for yourself.

Usually people who have been able to withstand the demands
to stop have continued because they were very good at hiding it from
others and thereby being able to derive the benefits without having any
associated negative reinforcements from others. In some cases the habit
ceased due to braces that, once fitted, removed the pleasurable sensations
the tser felt without them. Others never felt the need to stop because
their families tolerated the habit well. Still, some, the confident ones,
have had the attitude that they have a right to ts, especially since they
weren't hurting anyone. In fact, with these kinds of individuals, if
anyone suggested that they stop, theyve felt that that decision was
solely up to them and that other's should, "mind their own business."
With others, the need to continue was so powerful, due perhaps to
psychological dependency, that stopping was out of the question. Some
continued because theyve felt it to be a part of who they are or
were uneasy, even ill, without it. Basically, though, its another
case of benefits outweighing costs.

With hypnosis, a lot depends both on ones motivation
and psychodynamics as well as the ability of the hypnotist and the rapport
you have with him or her. In the majority of cases, with adults, it is, at
best, temporarily effective unless the ATS is highly motivated to stop.
Hypnosis is not magic. You cant be hypnotised into doing, or not
doing, anything you dont agree with.

Besides this site, which is the major location, anywhere,
addressing this issue, there are now other places
on the Net where attempts have been made to share experiences and feelings
on this topic. Besides the Internet experience, there are no known support
groups devoted entirely to this subject. From this site, "...and Then
Thumb", the primary areas in which you can share your feelings with
others is in the Forum Area, entered from the Home
Page and Pen Pal Section. If you
want to start your own support group, check out the Pen Pal Section,
announce it at the Forum, put an add in the local papers, and try it.
Write to me and tell me about how
it's going.

There are no known, scientifically determined, answers to
this question, only educated guesses but the numbers must be higher than
anyone would have guessed.

Immediately after this site was featured on the nationally
televised program Extra for
only 8 minutes, four times in May of 1999, it was deluged with thousands
of hits. Prior to the show the site averaged 300 or so hits a
week, immediately afterward the site averaged from 800 to 900 hits per
week, peaking one week at over 2,300. (It now averages 1100-1300 hits per
week, as of 12/25/00.) Of these hits, about 140 surveys were filled out
where the survey participant indicated that theyve heard of the site
from that show. The producer of Extra wouldnt tell me the exact
number of viewers during those particular shows, but indicated that,
during prime time, there are upwards of 3 million people watching,
typically. Id guess that one in four ATS visiting the site take the
time to fill out and successfully send the survey. One should also realize
that there are still many homes without access to the Internet. Based on
this limited experience, Id guess there are 200,000 or more ATS in
the United States and millions worldwide. But there may be more, a lot
more.

It is interesting to note that the United Kingdom seems to
have a much more tolerant attitude about ATS. In much correspondence with
those living or visiting there, as well as other English speaking
countries like New Zealand and Australia, public ATS is far more common
than anywhere else I know of. As such, Id guess that there is a
higher percentage of ATS there than anywhere else. But I think you should
have at least one more reason to move to any of those places, dont
you?

There are certain known effects that are possible with
prolonged tsing. A lot depends on ones style, that is, the
frequency, duration and force of sucking as well as the method of
placement of the thumb/finger upon the dental structure and the force that
the digit places on which particular teeth. The great majority of ATS
exhibit, according to themselves, little to no malocclusion according to
the survey at this site. Included in this statement are those who have
successfully gone through orthodontia work at a younger age. However, for
those who have been dentally affected there is a range from mild to
severe. The following possibilities can occur with prolonged thumbsucking,
but remember, these effects occur in our formative years, if they occur at
all. In other words, if you dont have them by now, you probably
never will:

1) Open Bite, as the dental arch forms its
possible that, due to finger placement, the teeth will not grow together.
The dental section at this site
depicts some of the more severe cases, but what it means is that, with the
teeth clench shut, there is space between the top teeth (maxillary) and
bottom (mandibular). In extreme cases the finger can easily reach the
tongue with the teeth clenched shut.

2) Overjet, otherwise known as buck teeth.
Depending on tsing technique, the two front top teeth, the maxillary
incisors, can be forced forward. If forced forward enough, the lips and
tongue, as well as the skeletal muscles around the mouth, work to enhance
this affect, forcing them further forward.

3) Cross Bite, this is where, with tsing, the rear
top teeth, the posterior maxillaries, are pushed inside the frame of the
bottom teeth, towards the tongue, usually due to the force of the cheek
muscles creating a vector against these teeth during sucking. In most of
the cases the cross bite occurs on the opposite side as the predominant
sucked digit. Righties will have a left side cross bite, usually, if at
all.

4) Narrowed Palate, the sucking action causes the
cheek muscles to push the top teeth towards the tongue, creating a
narrower palate.

5) High Palatal Vault, this is where the palate
doesnt reach its expected position due to upward pressure from the
thumb. As such, the palate is higher than expected. In extreme cases this
can prevent the nose from growing downward, as it does with age, creating
a tipped up nose, a condition that can also occur if finger pressure is
constantly pushing the nose tip upward. Again, in extreme cases, the
tipping is so apparent that one can look up the nostrils of the tser so
affected, when the tser is facing frontally.

6) Tongue Thrust, when swallowing, normally the
tongue projects to the top of the palate with the lips providing the
neccessary seal needed in order to swallow. Tsers, though, learn to
swallow their saliva, while sucking, by projecting their tongue forward,
since the thumb is between the tongue and the roof of the mouth.
Additionally, this tongue action is reinforced by the sucking action. This
learned adaptation becomes a habit so that, even without the thumb or
finger in the mouth, the tongue continues to push forward while
swallowing. The tongue, then, acts to push the front teeth, the incisors,
forward. Additionally, this habit may result in improper use of the tongue
when forming certain sounds, creating a lisp in some, few, tsers.

Remember, though, that most of the time, these effects
occur while the dental structures are developing in ones formative
years. The question is, will an orthodontist be able to correct
malocclusions due to tsing while continuing the habit? The general
consensus is, no. Even though there have been ATS who have written
indicating that they had indulged during orthodontia, it isnt
advisable, not if you want the appliance to work. So, the real question
concerns whether the benefits derived from tsing exceeds the effects of
malocclusion or unbalanced muscle use during swallowing. This
is a personal decision, of course, but, if ones health is
threatened, i.e., mouth infections due to difficulty in keeping ones
teeth cleaned as a result of a malocclusion, it is worth attempting
orthodontia. There have been several cases brought to my attention where
the individual restarted their tsing after dental work was completed.
These people were able to retain the benefits of proper occlusion with the
use of a retainer while tsing.

Your callus is there as a result of your style of digit
sucking. It forms when your teeth rub against or put pressure on the skin.
Its protects you and makes tsing more comfortable than it would be
without it. ATS who dont have a callus usually place their tongue
between their teeth and their finger, or put very little finger pressure
on their teeth. Unless you can stop tsing or change your style, it will
stay there. Most of your acquaintances, if they notice it, think that it
is a result of an injury or based on something you do at your job, if they
think anything at all.

If you're embarrassed by it, however, I urge you to read
the essay at this site on embarrassment.

I understand your concern about roommates completely. Here
in the United States, sharing a room in college is considered the standard
way, not the old-fashioned way. And believe me, people find all sorts of
ways to do secret, private things without their roommates knowing,
sometimes while the roommates are right there in the room with them.

I shared a room with a girl for three years in college, and
sucked my thumb probably every day we were living together. I didn't
really make any special effort to hide my habit from her, but if she
noticed, she never commented.

Here are some things that may help:

-- put your bed higher than eye level and sleep with your face to the
wall. If they are allowed, sleep on a loft. If the beds are bunked, insist
on the top.

-- Everyone brings something to college that reminds them of home:
pictures, care packages, high school awards, whatever. Pass off your
blanket or lovey as something like this. If you tell people that the lovey
is a childhood something that you brought to decorate the room, they will
believe you. If you tell them it's something that you have to stroke or
risk losing your sanity, they will believe that, too.

-- if you are worried about slurping or stroking noises, sleep with a
fan blowing or radio playing or something.

-- Find some time when your roommate is in class or somewhere when you
can have the room to yourself and you can suck away or do whatever else it
is that is private.

--If the room is occupied, there is always ALWAYS a reasonably private
place on a college campus. If not your dorm room, an empty classroom,
study carrel in the library, vacant lounge, even a restroom stall. When
you really need to suck your thumb during the day, choose one of these
places instead of your dorm room. And pack your blanket or lovey in your
bookbag so you will have it on campus if you need it.

-- Hang out in these public-but-alone refuges if you know you are going
to be doing something that triggers thumbsucking. For example, I liked to
suck my thumb and twirl my hair when I read my schoolbooks. So I studied
in private, or if I had to read in public, I made sure to busy my hands
with a pen or hilighter. I also really wanted my thumb on particularly
stressful days, so I stayed away from the dorm until I was completely
unwound.

-- realize that there is a chance you will be caught, and prepare for
it. if someone catches you, don't deny it or apologize for it or swear
them to secrecy or try to rationalize it. Just say, matter-of-factly that
they are correct, you WERE sucking your thumb. Kind of as if they had
discovered that you were left handed or double jointed or something. If
they look at you like you're crazy, just act natural, like they are the
ones who are misinformed, but it's not really worth your time or effort to
educate them about your little quirk.

-- Understand that you aren't the only one with a secret or the only one
yearning for privacy. Even if your roomate is a good friend, give them
some time alone in the room, respect their rules about going through their
things, and by all means learn to deal with any kind of idiosyncracies
they may have without poking fun or nagging. If you know something that
might embarrass them, don't even let on that you know.

Chances are, your roomie is going to great pains to keep something a
secret from you that is so trivial, so unimportant, that if you found out
you would forget about it the next day. My roommate, who was very small,
didn't want people to know that she still wore little girls underpants
with little tiny flowers or cartoons on them. This is probably what
thumbsucking is to them. Nothing for them to worry about unless you are
worried about it.

Thumb sucking alone does not necessarily mean that
something is wrong with you. Its a coping mechanism and a habit. You
probably have some problems, but so does most everyone. But again, taken
alone, it doesnt absolutely mean something is wrong with you. It
could be part of a cluster of coping mechanisms, some of which may be self
defeating. For that you may need to search inside yourself. If you can
afford it, a psychotherapist may be of help in that department but so can
friends. Remember though, most ATS are just like everyone else, really.

According to the statistics
derived from the survey at this site 33% of ATS, or so, use an accessory
object of some sort while tsing. This is a carry over from when you did
this during childhood. Its origin is probably linked with the
association or need for motherly affection, but as youve gotten
older it became, in addition to habit, something else, though its roots
probably share similarities. Often tsing involves the sense of touch
and/or smell. The accessory object, usually something soft, may be able to
retain pleasant odors that youve come to tie in with your tsing. As
a tension reliever many times the object is rubbed, twirled or otherwise
manipulated. It may include such objects as a shirt, towel, blankie,
or even ones own hair, and lots more. Refer to
the Statistics Section for a compilation
of the various objects we use. For those so inclined these objects enhance
the experience and, often, tsing can not be done with satisfaction without
them.

Most of the time, if someone catches you,
assuming you want to hide the fact that you are a tser, you can easily
avoid any potentially compromising situation by simply taking your thumb
or finger out of your mouth, or slipping it out enough to appear like your
biting your fingernails or cleaning your teeth.

But there are those times when you cant use
subterfuge, like if youre caught while asleep. Most people you know
will keep their discovery to themselves out of respect for your feelings,
which explains the numerous cases Ive come in contact with where the
spouses never talked about it, even though they both knew.

Ill never forget the case where a woman, in her 60s,
fell asleep at her church, during mass. She was gently awoken by the
person sitting at her side. Her thumb was firmly planted while she opened
her eyes to the stares of many parishioners. At least she made them smile
that day, though I believe some may have been giggling a bit. Yes,
embarrassing. But you know what? She survived. After all, there are far
worse things one can build a reputation around, though its
understandable that you dont want your tsing to be the main point of
focus. And, after awhile, it wont be.

People have more on their mind than the fact that you suck
your thumb or finger. At most, it may be either temporarily amusing or
interesting to them, but after its all over, people go on with their
lives. A good example of this dynamic concerns cases where the ATS doesnt
give a hoot about what other people think. Im referring to those who
indulge publicly. These people are discussed in more detail at the site,
under the names Olivia,
Elly, and Cydniey.
In every case, people simply got used to it and didnt care. In a
couple of cases, friends started to do it themselves, so you might say
that the ATS was a good influence! In the show, Extra,
during an episode where they focused on ATS, a woman, Amy, was featured.
She handled the front desk in an office and sucked her thumb while at
work. Amy had no qualms about doing her
thing in front of anyone. One of her fellow workers said that she was
jealous and wished that she, herself, could sometimes suck her thumb! So
see? Youll survive!

The point is to use your sense of humor. It really isnt
the end of the world and, in fact, being found out can be relieving, if
you have the right attitude. After all, if they all know, that means you
can indulge to your heart's content!

To answer simply, yes. If couples are in love, or are good
friends, its to be expected that thered be a large measure of
trust and consideration of feelings going on. In the vast majority of
cases, this small eccentricity was all ado about nothing.
Think about it, if telling them results in some sort of rift, what does
that say about the value of your relationship? In fact, telling them
should be taken as a compliment. It says that you trust them enough with
your big secret, so much that you believe that theyll
love you even if you have a weakness or two, doesnt it?
You might say that sucking your thumb is a sort of test for those you
know. If they cant accept you doing that, how are they going to
accept the inevitable, larger, differences that occur during the course of
a relationship?

And, who knows, you may be in for a welcome surprise. I know
of a case where, upon divulging, the woman was happily greeted by the fact that
her boyfriend,
also, was an ATS! Makes you wonder just how big this secret really is, doesnt
it? Ill tell ya, sometimes I think ATSers would make great spies, considering
how well they can operate so stealthily.

Finally, consider the following e-mail left at the Forum by
an anonymous contributor:

It IS possible to scope the dating
scene with your thumb in your mouth. (Well, actually I wouldn't plug up my mouth
during the actual scoping. In private, during the cuddling, is better.) I know
you're not asking for advice. But in the interest of sharing, I'll tell you
how I incorporated my habit into day-to-day reality. ( I am 24 years old and
married a college boyfriend six months ago, but this formula worked for all
the boyfriends I got at all close to. )

First, suck away in front of Sweetie
when you feel comfortable doing it, but don't ever do it just to test
their reaction, and don't precede your actions with some long, grave
confession. Try to introduce your habit to them in the same way you would
any other personal quirk, such as a allergy or phobia. No big deal. If
they react as if thumbsucking IS a big deal, don't get defensive. Just try
not to do it in front of them. Take your thumb out if they ask you to. Or,
if you don't want to take it out, go somewhere where you can be by
yourself.

Have my men really liked the
thumb-sucking part of me? No. But they tolerate it, the same way I
tolerate my husband's flipping throught the television channels at 100
miles an hour or his habit of forgetting to use his napkin.

Like anything, it depends on how you think of it. Ive
received many e-mails from people whose attitude completely changed once
they realized that they werent alone in their tsing. Prior to
visiting the site, they thought of themselves as some sort of weird, crazy
person, just because they suck their thumb. The relief, when finding out
that they were far from alone, was instantaneous. They began to realize
that they had an advantage, much as someone well practiced in the art of
meditation. They could easily comfort themselves and relieve stress
without having to spend a bundle or take drugs. And, if they relieve their
stress through positive things, like exercise and so forth, they could
still do so by sucking their thumb or finger. Unlike the dangerous or self
defeating methods that too many adults chose to calm themselves down, like
cigarettes or over-eating, their method doesnt interfere with other
healthy forms of tension relief and, most of all, doesnt have
definite deleterious side effects, except for occasionally changing their
teeth. It has been scientifically determined that tsing lowers the heart
rate, a symptom of a relaxed state, a healthy state of mind and body. And,
actually, for the great majority of ATS, those minor teeth changes make
tsing more comfortable without the threat of harm, especially when
compared to the other, more socially acceptable, adult methods
of tension relief.

Some women were amazed that most guys find their tsing cute,
even attractive. Women dont often understand this, but its
true. Ive had several guys write in to say that their significant
other found the same to be true of their tsing.

Our youth oriented culture only goes so far. While youth
is valued, at least as far as health and appearance goes, maturity is too.
Tsing is associated with something that only babies do, so societal values
place this behavior in the realm of immaturity. This is a stereotype, of
course, since people of all ages suck their thumb or finger and, if
maturity can be measured by the amount of responsibilty one manages, it
may be of interest to know that most ATS have finished college, own their
own businesses, have families and more. However, due to this social
constraint, as the tser ages, the habit goes into hiding. This is done to
avoid the anxiety of having an image imposed by cultural values that is
not only untrue but conflicts with ones own self-image.

The other social taboo factor may originate in the
perceived costs a parent my anticipate with this habit. Once ones
adult teeth start erupting, the habit can cause changes in the dental
structure. Parents dont like big dental bills and the biggest ones
are usually from orthodontists. In order to head off these bills, parents
will attempt to stop the habit before dental factors set in. In their
attempts they may tell their child that this behavior of theirs is, "babyish",
with the hope that this negative depiction would provide a sufficient
motivation to stop.

Finally, theres the notion that if a child is still
tsing by a certain age, especially if indulging publicly, the parent is
concerned that this behavior may reflect on their ability as a parent.
This is the old, What will the neighbors think? syndrome. With
this kind of thought process it may become a control issue where the
parent is concerned. In the parent's mind the observation that they have
an older tser may mean that others may suspect that they cant
control their progeny. For these kinds of parents tsing is very
threatening and their efforts to curtail their kids tsing often
results in some amazing psychological torture for those hapless tsers.
Sometimes, based on the e-mails Ive received, the negative effects
of this kind of parental treatment, like poor self image, lasts a
lifetime. We are taught early that tsing isn't accepted by our authority
figures.

There are no best methods to stop. Once youve
reached adulthood, the habit is quite ingrained into your person. You need
to be very motivated to stop. There are numerous sites which go into the
various techniques used to stop thumb sucking and they are easily found
with the use of any search engine. This site focuses on the other point of
view, that tsing may be such a good thing that continuing is actually an
advantage. However, for the purpose of completeness, we'll review some of
the more common techniques used to stop thumb sucking range:

1) Covering the thumb/finger or attaching a reminder

This involves the use of gloves or ribbons or something
such to remind you that yourre tsing. The idea behind this is to
give you a chance to not ts by bringing an unconscious act into
consciousness. By doing this long enough, the thinking goes, youll
eventually rid yourself of the habit aspect. The problem with this
technique is that it is most effective during waking hours. Most adults
are aware of their urges while awake and therefore maintain the necessary
control in public. Besides, how would you explain wearing gloves inside
while visiting your relatives, friends or associates? I know what you can
say, Ive decided that Michael Jackson was right, there ARE
germs everywhere and theyre trying to get me! I think Id
be more concerned about my image if using that explanation than if someone
thought I sucked my thumb! But, seriously, gloves or other kinds of
reminders can help if you suck your thumb during the day while alone, if
you wear them, assuming the habit doesnt reemerge when you finally
take them off.

2) Using bitter chemicals

Iodine or other commercially available substances marketed
for this purpose are often applied with the hope that the taste will
remind the tser and put an end to their habit. In almost every case,
though, they are inneffective because the motivation is applied from the
outside, that is, a parent wants their child to stop, but the child isnt
willing. Usually this kind of outwardly directed motivation has an
opposite affect, with the child focusing more on the habit while it
becomes symbolic for a power struggle of sorts, an expression of
individuality, or separation, or even an attention-getting mechanism where
the parental concerns represent to the child, on some level, love and
care. Obviously, then, the parental efforts often lead to the opposite
result, cementing the habit further.

In the case of the ATS, I have not known any situation
where these substances work. The reasons for that, Id guess, is that
the pleasure derived from the habit is stronger than the desire to go
through the discomfort of quitting. Additionally, many ATS do so while
asleep and the brain turns off the sensation of taste during the sleep
phase. So even if the ATS managed to fall asleep without their thumb,
he/she will awaken with thumb in mouth.

3) Hypnosis

With hypnosis, a lot depends both on ones motivation
and psychodynamics as well as the ability of the hypnotist and the rapport
you have with him or her. In the majority of cases, with adults, it is, at
best, temporarily effective unless the ATS is highly motivated to stop.
Hypnosis is not magic. You cant be hypnotised into doing, or not
doing, anything you dont agree with.

4) A Psychologist

Every ATS that Ive corresponded with who attempted
to use a psychologist have said that the psychologist didnt think of
their tsing as a problem. Yes, the therapist may have agreed that it's
bothersome for their client but, from a psychological standpoint, tsing is
not the problem. It may be a symptom of other problems, for instance, you
may be stressed from your job, your relationship or a lifetime of turmoil
and suck your thumb in order to help you cope, but tsing is not the source
of pain. Maybe you fret about what others may think but, truly, from a
psychological point of view, that is their problem, not yours. I have not
known of anyone who went to a psychologist for their tsing where other
issues, closer to the real problem didnt become the
prime focus.

This is a device which, when fitted to your palate, behind
your top, maxillary, teeth, prevents a suction from forming. The idea
behind it is to remove the pleasurable sensation associated with tsing.

Some of the main objections to this device, for the adult,
is that it is worn 24 hours a day, at the office, while talking to your
friends and acquaintances, etc. If youve been secretive about others
knowing your predilections, this can create some awkward situations. Of
course, if you are wearing it as a first step in orthodontic work, the
explanation for why its there would come easier, Im
being fitted for braces and this is a temporary fitting. No lies
there.

Many wearers find this device uncomfortable as well as
generally annoying. Again, a lot depends on your motivation. With children
there are some who argue that this device has been the cause of more
psychological trauma than it was worth. There's a friend of this site, a
librarian/researcher in England, who sends me numerous references to the
harm done by this device. And, ironically, its not absolutely fool
proof. I've had much correspondence with people who've stated that theyve
been able to suck their thumb regardless, or that, because they dont
suck their thumb (merely placing it in their mouth and/or
using the technique of tongue quivering, more than actual
sucking), it is essentially superfluous.

6) Tying Hands to the Bed

This technique is notoriously unsuccessful since one can
still indulge. Youd have to tie all of your limbs to the bed to
prevent yourself from tsing but then you may have a hell of a time trying
to get a nights sleep, not to mention figuring how to get out of the
bed in the morning! It also doesnt do much for your urges while out
of bed. Forget this one.

7) Miscellaneous Methods (or...just having a little fun
here)

a. Spiritual Healing

That old expression comes to mind, if it aint
broke, dont fix it. Well, if you find yourself often seeking
the advice of a spiritual healer, you may end up broke, so maybe theres
something to be said for this technique. But, all kidding aside
(yea...sure), there really isnt anything to heal if you
suck your thumb. Youre not sick or bad or any Thing just because you
still suck your thumb, but at least going to a SH, an appropriate acronym
I may add, will at least put you in touch with your other worldly self
and, who knows, maybe he/shes not a tser and youll luck out!
But, if not, (dont fret, tsing has been known to leave the person zoned
out a bit and isnt that somewhat spiritual,? So its
never a total loss), its a great source of entertainment. Just think
of all the megabucks youve been spending on the movies, dinners out
and vacations. At least spiritual healing is much cheaper, and besides,
you dont really need all those other sources of fun anyway, right?

(Note, the above paragraph was written totally for the sake
of humor and didnt mean to offend anyone, so be cool, ok, or ts, at
least itll feel better.)

b. Distract Yourself

Some believe that life is one big distraction from the
awareness of death. So you gotta figure that if distraction can work with
big things like existential angst (the worry about death, basically), than
why cant it work with tsing? The problem with this is that youd
have to carry an awful lot of things on you wherever you go. Think about
it. For instance, lets say youre sitting there at your office,
doing your job, when all of a sudden you get The Urge. No problem,
you think, I brought my Distraction Kit along!

So, you take it out, spreading its contents on the desk in
front of you. Lets see, two bells, the trumpet, the wrist
exercisers, that electronic kit youve always wanted to play with; .
. . notice that all of these distractions involve both hands, very clever,
ay? And, more, the good thing about most distractions is that theyre
easy to do; no one has to teach you how to do it as, ever since grade
school, youre probably already well practiced in the art of
distraction. The only problem I anticipate is trying to explain yourself
to your fellow workers, or worse, the boss. Id suggest that you
think about starting your own business, so at least youd eliminate
one more person to explain yourself to. But, for most of us, explaining
what youre doing is a real problem and then theres the
carrying around of all this paraphernalia. Gee, I guess this wont
work after all...shucks!

c. Find Religion

The great thing about the religious experience is that, if
you believe, you can always be forgiven. So, even if it doesnt work
to stop your tsing, at least no one will blame you for trying. And its
not that hard to do, depending on how serious you want to go with it. Its
a matter of psyching yourself up. And, if youre a hardcore atheist,
you may be interested to know that you dont even have to believe in
God; some forms of Zen dont require it. If you succeed, youll
find a number of possible substitutes for your thumb, a side benefit. So
the next time someone comes to your door hawking one of those little
religious booklets, take the booklet, read it, listen to what they have to
say, and tell them what the problem is, I suck my thumb, can you
help me?. You know theyll say they can, they always say that
religion works. See what the power of believing does? Theres
something to be said for a positive attitude. And, if it doesnt
work, like I mentioned already, at least youll be forgiven.

(Note, the above paragraph was written totally for the sake
of humor and didnt mean to offend anyone, really, so be cool, ok, or
ts, at least itll feel better.)

d. Move to New York City or England

If all else fails, you ought to think about moving to one
of these place. You wont have to stop sucking your thumb because, in
New York City, theyve seen it all and in England, they try not to
notice anything, its polite you know. As soon as you pop your thumb
in these places, if they notice anything different at all, youll
probably be welcomed as one of the bunch! Sometimes the best cure
is no cure at all!

The Real Question (or, getting serious again)

The real question is why stop at all? Unless there are
some real and serious health concerns, stopping just because someone else
thinks you should stop or because you think something is wrong with you
merely because you ts are reasons you ought to give more thought to. Why
should someone elses values result in you feeling bad about a
harmless, gentle habit that you enjoy and need and has some real benefits
to it?

Since many capable, mature and successful adults ts, your
tsing doesnt automatically mean that something is wrong with you. At
the worst, it is merely a symptom of something that may be troubling you,
but the tsing itself is not that something. What may be the underlying
problem may mask itself in such a way that your mind thinks that tsing is
the problem, but thats just your unconscious mind using denial and
avoidance in order to hide the real issues. Remember, sucking your thumb
into adulthood does not at all mean anything other than its your
habit and/or way of dealing with stress or sleep, nothing more.

Self loathing comes in many forms with origins as varied
as the number of people experiencing it. Usually, though, its beginnings
lie in how loved we felt in our formative years as a child, especially in
terms of the relationship fostered between parent and offspring. For
instance, if you felt rejected by your parents many times for who your
were or what you did, you may have built up a thought pattern in your mind
that undermined your feelings of worth. You may have subconsciously or
consciously concluded that you arent worthy of unqualified love. Of
course its a lot more complicated and generally requires a pattern
extended over time, but you get the idea. Hating oneself is a process that
is usually built up over a lifetime and once the idea gains a foothold it
may grow in such a manner that each subsequent perceived rejection or
failure becomes more reinforcing and important than it otherwise should
be. Its a pattern of feeling that takes route and becomes habitual.

In other words, if a significant person, like a parent,
communicated some nasty notions to you about yourself, while you were
still a child, i.e., youre impossible to deal with, or youre
a stupid baby, or I hate when you suck your thumb, youre
pathetic, you may, over the years, internalize these sentences in
such a way that you act and feel as though they are true. They become your
own self defining thoughts and feelings. And, if they did that, they may
have inadvertantly ingrained the habit as it may become, in additon to a
comforting mechanism, an expression of self or a means to obtain
attention, another way of confirming that the attention giver cares, even
if negatively.

You realize these thought patterns are a problem when they
prevent you from enjoying your life as you sense you should or could. The
way to deal with them, in a nutshell (you should excuse the expression),
requires that you first identify them. This is called self insight and is
very hard to achieve since, by internalizing these negative self
definitions, they are entrenched and have become, often, highly
subconscious. Most of all they are usually irrational and, since youd
probably prefer to think that you are a rational person, you may find it
hard to accept that you operate, emotionally, on an illogical basis. Once
identified youll find yourself denying that they exist and this
pattern of denial is very difficult to overcome. One way to overpower
denial, and there are many techniques (psychologists take years to learn
them), is to reality test these beliefs.

For instance, lets say you believe that, by tsing,
youre immature or bad in some way. Perhaps this feeling
is based on things your parents said. Lets look at some imaginative
dialogue to illustrate the point, Q means questioner and A means answerer:

Q Whats the problem?

A I suck my thumb.

Q Why is that a problem?

A Because I think that Im immature if I suck my
thumb.

Q And what does that mean?

A If Im immature, something is wrong with me.

Q What is wrong with you?

A If means that I cant do the things Im
expected to do, I cant handle things.

Q Like what?

A Like handle a relationship, or take on the
responsibilities of an adult.

Q But you have had relationships and you do have a job,
right?

A Yes, but, OK, it means that Im not capable like I
should be.

Q How so?

A I dont know exactly. I just feel bad about myself
because I suck my thumb.

Q What do you mean?

A I just feel like Im bad in some way.

Q So, you feel that youre a bad person if you suck
your thumb?

A I guess.

This is the irrational sentence, I am bad if I suck
my thumb (just one of hundreds of possible alternative sentences).
Remember, getting to this part isnt usually so easy, but Im
illustrating a point for clarity. Notice, too, that some of the notions
can not be backed up with behavioral evidence, like the use of the word "immature"
in the above example. Let's continue:

Q What does that mean, to be a bad person? Do you mean
that, when you suck your thumb, you are bad to others?

A No, bad to myself, and bad that Im a disappointment
to others.

Q How, specifically?

A I dont know, its just a feeling.

The other irrational sentence, Im a
disappointment.

In this imaginative dialogue Ms. A came to realize that
she thinks shes bad or a disappointment
because she tses. The next step would be to contine to reality test this
idea, as Q has already started to do. Its important to define the
terms one uses in these internalized sentences, as in this example where
the word bad is used. If this word was used by your parents
when you were a child as in, Its bad to suck your thumb,
or, you promised me that youd stop sucking your thumb and its
bad to break a promise, it may have been interpreted by you, at that
age, to mean that youre bad. Remember, this is just an example to
illustrate a process; there are almost an infinite number of ways in which
this process specifically may occur in ones life.

So now, since a lot is learned from the parents, especially
on the emotional level, you reinforce this idea every time you suck your
thumb. It doesnt stop you from indulging, since your tsing deals
with other important needs, but the idea may take hold and be reinforced
often. You may hide your habit because you dont want others to think
that youre bad. In fact, even if you subconsciously
question this notion, you may find it hard to challenge it since doing so
may be interpreted, on some gut level, as a form of internalized parental
confrontation and youve given the parent in you lots of power. So
you compromise, hiding your habit and feeling miserable about yourself for
needing it. In fact, the habit itself may have been more firmly entrenched
as a subconscious need to separate from parental authority, to become your
Self in a sense.

So, how do you test these ideas? You do so by examining
their assumptions, to see if they can be supported by reality, by facts,
or even logically.

Q So, if you would suck your thumb now, youll think
that I would think of you as bad in some way?

A Yes.

Q But I wouldnt, really.

A I dont believe you.

Q Interesting. So, if everyone thought as I do, youd
still believe that they think youre bad in some way, right?

A Yes.

Oh, the power of the internalized parent, otherwise known
as the super-ego! This power results in a situation that even reality has
a difficult time disproving. Part of the idea behind this site is to show
the ATS that the internal conflict arising out of their habit is based on
life-long irrational beliefs that work to undermine their sense of self.
The self definitions were dependent on many ideas. 1) that they thought
they were some freak, alone in their habit. But, as weve seen, that
isnt true. 2) they thought that they were immature, dependent on a
childlike way to deal with reality. That, too, isnt true, as the
many examples at this site has also shown. And on and on. The point is
that, by the time youve reached adulthood, the origin of these
concerns no longer matter since, by now, ones own internalized
perceptions operate to perpetuate and reinforce these beliefs.. By reality
testing them, the ATS will identify their irrational basis and, by acting
to test their truth, the ATS will gain, hopefully, enough experiences to
create the fertile conditions necessary to overcome his/her internalized
irrational thoughts.

But, what do you do with all this self knowledge? Once you
see that reality doesnt conform to preconceived notions, its
time to DO something about it.

I wouldnt suggest going out in public, sucking your
thumb/finger whenever the urge takes hold. There are just too many people
who believe inaccurrate things about it and it takes too much energy to
convince them otherwise or to deal with other reactions they may have.
There are those that do ts in public, and you may have read about them at
this site.(To read about the most famous of them, check out
Olivia, Elly
or Cydniey.) We have seen that theyve
survived quite well. But, for most of us, this would be too burdensome an
idea and we are, at heart, conformists with some important things we
value, like our job, that may be at risk by pioneering in this way. I
would suggest though, with people who you trust and love, who know you
well as a person, that, with them, you can indulge as youd like to
because doing so isnt harming them or anyone else and they are far
more likely to accept you, tsing and all. Doing so isnt
definitionally bad. And, in reality, they will accept you, not
as some stereotype, but for who the real you is. If you still cant
do that, then Id urge that you realize at least that theres
nothing inherently bad about your behavior. If you think there
is, then start questioning your assumptions as in the example above.

Many have written with this concern. Often, their families
know of their habit and, when the ATSes own children are tsers, or
if a young relative indulges, the ATS is blamed for it. Another concern
involves questions of what other people may say to the ATSers child
if their parents tsing becomes known, the negative affects that this
may have on the child.

Based on correspondence, it is my observation that ones
own children accept it very well, especially if it has been known since
their birth. The show Extra
depicted Tony, a schoolteacher whose two boys totally accepted his tsing
and didnt think more of it than, Its just his habit.
As Franklin Roosevelt once said, The only thing you have to fear is
fear itself. The anticipatory anxiety surrounding this situation is
often far worse than the reality, since tsing doesnt define who you
are; who you are as a person defines yourself.

The producer of Extra told me that she was inspired to do
the show when a fellow woman worker at the station admitted that her mom
was a ATS and that this caused stress, especially when shed have
friends over to her home when she was a child. A lot has to do with
attitude. For instance, if your childs friends question it and your
child acts indifferent about the matter, chances are that the friends will
just forget about it. If you child acts embarrassed or defensive, perhaps
a feeling generated by how it was handled by a spouse, it may cause
problems for that child. I would guess, though, that a father may have
more problems than a mother since, if the fact that he tsess is
relayed to the other parents; they may have irrational fears about child
molestation. Tony, after the show aired, had problems in his school
because some parents withdrew their children from his class. I can only
guess that molestation fears were in full bloom in that situation.

So what are we to make of all this? Sucking your thumb in
front of your kids is OK. The relationship you established, based on love
and mutual respect, will sustain a lot of things, especially
inconsequential things like sucking your thumb. If your kids would have to
put up with flack they cant deal with from others, or if youre
worried that their friends parents wouldnt be OK with it, then
dont do it in front of those friends. Its one thing to take
responsibility for ones own actions, another thing to ask someone
else to do so, especially if theyre too young to have the experience
and skills necessary to handle it.

Here's an e-mail from a mother who sucks her thumb and has
children who do so too:

At first I worried a lot that [my
children] would be teased for doing it but I guess the world is changing
and kids are not as cruel as everyone says.

I blamed myself for them doing it
because my mom and ex husband say they do it cuz they watched me do it. I
wonder if I am being a good parent for not trying to stop them or make
them quiet (but how if I cant quit?) and I truly believe that all my
parents did to get me to quit hurt more then it helped. I can not bring
myself to do it to them (ok so I am a push over but I feel that my kids
need this comfort and security, with the split of their father and I).

I am so proud of them. I must be
doing something right because they have so much confidence than I did at
any of their ages(11 , 7 , 5) and I feel that, because they know I suck my
thumb and see I that I to do the same thing for the same reasons, it has a
lot to do with the fact they talk to me as much as they do.

Yes they mentioned it to their
friends all the time. At first I was a little nervous I think I was more
worried for my child. Now I just laugh about it. This started when a
friend of one of my childern saw them doing it. Of course there is a
little chuckle in the voice as the friend says "you still suck your
thumb?" and my kid replied, "so what is the big deal? It is what
i do sometimes, " The friend says why and they say "cuz i like
to." Then the friend comes to me and says "do you know your kid
still sucks his/her thumb?" At that point, either my child has
already told them that I do too or I just say, "I do too and I am
sure you have things that you do that you hide cuz you are afraid that
some one would not understand right. Well, you do not have to worry with
matthew , katelynn , or andrew. Being their friend, well, you should not
treat them any different than before you knew as they are still the same
person you like to hang out with " There has been 5 of their friends
that went right back to watching tv or to what ever it was and put their
thumb in their mouth too. I have never had a proublem with any of the
parents about me sucking my thumb around their kids but what I do hear
from the parents is that they like their kids playing at my house and that
they know they are safe and how nice it is to know that I look out for
their kids like they were my own

As in everything human, theres a wide range of
preferences. Based on correspondence, Id say that most guys find
that if a woman tsed, that fact alone would enhance her attractiveness,
much like the way she appears physically may. Women are more blasé
about it, finding attraction in a man based more on personality than
appearance. Ive had gay couples write to me who expressed the idea
that they found their mate sexy when they indulged, though their tsing
partner was more often than not perplexed by the idea. The fact is,
though, to the typical ATS, their habit has little to do with being
attractive or feeling that it has anything at all to do with sex.

There have been many couples who have written to me saying
that theyve engaged in sexual behavior where tsing was part of the
design. They found it enhanced their pleasure when the ATS would either
suck their thumb or visa versa, thumb sharing. Id guess that, if
that kind of behavior continued over a long enough period, that the act of
tsing would build some interesting associations in that regard. But its
understandable that this kind of sexual play could enhance feelings of
trust and closeness, involving as it does, the mouth and fingers, both
considered erogenous to a degree, depending on the individual.

For more information from some of those writing with their
thoughts on the subject, click here.

There are, now, some other sites on the Web that focus on
adult thumb sucking as well as teen thumb sucking. There are sites that
deal with it in terms of e-mails and photos submitted by us common folk
and these sites are linked. There are also
occasional, small, mentionings of this phenomona here and there, all of
which are catalogued at our
site, but none going into any depth. There are short stories galore both
in publications and on the Net where an adult is exhibited sucking their
thumb, but there is no in depth accounting of the dynamics involved. It is
surprising that such a largely populated behavior hasnt been studied
on both the Net, except here, and in the professional publications. Thats
why Ive called ATS the worlds largest populated secret. I hope
to one day obtain a grant that allows me to study this behavior in a
scientific fashion so that we can all have at our fingertips, so to speak,
accurate and complete information concerning the numbers of adults who
indulge, as well as any pertinant demographical information.

Ive had lots of e-mails describing how, after
showing this site to someone who isnt a ATS, the non-tsers
attitude and understanding of ATS changed on the side of tolerance, some
even going so far as to say that they now looked at the whole matter in a
totally different way. Its a very good feeling to see that this
change of perception has helped couples to feel closer to each other in a
positive way. The fact that this site has garnered media attention should
also help to undermine innaccurate notions about the ATS, both in terms of
its prevalance as well as the negative associations previously held by the
general public.

Most of all, this site, as historys first coming
together area for the worlds ATS, has helped the ATS to see
themselves as a whole person, without the encumbrances of feeling alone
and misunderstood.

The jury is out on this. There is no known study
answering this question. The answer would seem to be obvious, that it
does, but tsers are known to make sure to keep the favored digit clean and
ready, oftentimes substituting the other hand in anticipation of working
with something that may contain infectious substances. Additionally, there
are many ATS that purposefully clean their hands prior to indulging.
Finally, one may build a theoretical case for the idea that if tsing
causes increased colds, then these infections would have more likely
occurred when still a child, since resistance to these infections is lower
at a younger age. If true, then this increase in colds should create a
larger variety of antibodies by the time the tser reached adulthood,
thereby resulting in less colds by that time. No one knows for sure and Ive
had reports both ways from ATSers.

Based on the survey there is a significantly higher
percentage of female ATS than male, two to one in the last survey
statistics Ive analyzed. It could be that this habit is more likely
to prolong among females for a host of reasons. Cultural values, though
changing, view the female as more dependent and passive. These values tend
to tolerate what may be perceived as dependent types of behavior. These
same values foster male machismo, the strong male able to take stress with
ease and react to challenge confidently, aggressively, the opposite of
passive response. These expected behaviors and representations oppose the
image of a male tsing. These cultural standards may act as some leviathan,
setting up a sort of cultural consciousness or super-ego that creates
pressures to cease or hide tsing, since tsing is stereotypically perceived
as incompatible with the expected norm. The percentage differences
combined with the cultural explanation may act to create a condition as if
there may be more externally felt pressure to cease at an earlier age for
males without ever testing the reality of cultural values that make
themselves known early in ones life. It is interesting to note that,
so far, all of the public tsers that have written to me have been female.
There is one male who claims to ts in public, but he hasn't furnished any
proof of this yet. When he does, I'll write about how he deals with it.

On a more individual basis, that is, within the living
space of the individual ATS, though, there doesnt seem to be much
difference between the sexes, in terms of the reaction of friends,
co-workers, and family. This is also interesting, a cultural standard with
enough exceptions, yet still surviving somehow. Of course one may also
conclude that women have more powerful genetically based needs to ts, but
I believe the habit is fairly evenly distributed among the sexes at ages
under, say, five so that explanation may need more fine tuning.