Dating: Monogamy VS Open Relationship, Which One is Right for You?

Earlier this month, we asked you if you think it’s possible for you to fall in love with two people at once and only 11.74 percent answered an absolute no. The rest replied: maybe (10.23 percent); yes, I think it is possible (49.16 percent); yes, it already happened to me once (24.66 percent); it happened to me once but looking back, it was not the real thing after all (3.19 percent), and other (1 percent).

Does this mean that Adam4Adam blog readers are more likely to enter into an open relationship or in a throuple?

If your answer is yes or maybe, then you may want to watch Jimmy Fowlie’s vlog on open relationships first titled, “Curtis and his Open Relationship.” If not, well, go ahead and watch it anyway, if only just for laughs. The vlog episode was funny as hell but it was a subtle reminder as well that all relationships take work and effort to maintain and an open one isn’t an exception.

Here are the open relationship essentials which we learned from Jimmy Fowlie’s vlog that may hopefully help you navigate yours:

Communication is important – as in all kinds of relationships, of course. But in the near future, should you want to enter into an open relationship, you’ve got to ask yourself: “Is this what I really want?” “Do we both want this?” The two of you have to be transparent about it as at the end of the day, honesty is still the best policy.

You’ve got to have a conversation on safe sex – yes, you do need to have this talk.

Time – maybe all that sex on the side has left you without time for each other in which case, that would be a good time to evaluate or have another talk with your partner. If you’ve been relegated to the side, then what’s the point?

Set boundaries – emotional and yes, sex boundaries as well. How many times can you guys have sex with the same person? Can you remain in contact with the other guy/party after sex? How many guys are too much? Maybe the two of you could only play together with other people and not separately? Can you guys have sex with friends or must they be a stranger?

Going back to the topic at hand, monogamy or open relationship, which do you think is the right one for you? Is there anything else you can add from the tips mentioned above and also, have you ever tried to enter into an open relationship before? If yes, how did that work for you? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.

I have no problem with people in open relationships, but it wouldn’t work for me because I can’t share my man, and neither can he

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Jer

10 months ago

I’m sorry but this idea of Open Relationships marriages or whatever other nonsense gay men try to justify calling this hideous and selfish behavior ..and IT IS EXACTLY THAT……SELFISH. what makes you think that getting sex or having supposed “relationships” with multiple people is the thing…..its not some trend , I know this has went on for decades but now its like its more like some trend …..like a selfie?….Really that’s what you think. listen do what you will but no one ever said any relationship was easy but involving others even if its for sex….it is pure selfishness and… Read more »

Really, you have not learned to separate the two… Jealousy does not look good on anyone!

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Jer

10 months ago

IF THE MODERATOR WHO IS IN CHARGE OF POSTING THESE COMMENTS …. if you DON’T POST MINE…..ITS BECUZ MINE IS FACT BASED…..AND ITS TRUTHFUL AND ITS MIGHT BE AGGRESSIVE AND SEEM JUDGEMENTAL…. FORGET ASKIN IF PEOPLE WOULD CONSIDER IT …… IT SHOULDNT BE SCOFFED OFF AND LOOKED OVER AND THOUGHT…..NOPE YOU’RE NOT GONNA POST THIS BECAUSE IT MIGHT OFFEND OR YOU DON’T AGREE ….AS THE MODERATOR….POST IT!!……. THIS IS NOT A QUESTION TO LIGHTLY ASK AND NOT FEEL SOME SORT OF RESPONSIBILITY ESP WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT DO AND ENGAGE IN THIS BEHAVIOR AND IT DOES AND IT IS… Read more »

It’s tough (impossible for some) for both Monogamous Guys and Hookup-only Guys to grasp the concept of “FWB”. And these guys will insist that their monogamous way or hookup way is the only way. Monogamous or hookup, there’s no other choice. The good news is, they get to follow their choices, even while denying others their choices. There is a middle ground for gay men when it comes to emotions and sex. To me it seems realistic, sensible, and in fact how the middle ground of gay men actually behave. It’s a place where guys see emotional attachment and sex… Read more »

Then WHY be “partnered” with somebody emotionally, if physically they’re not what completes you? By doing that, YOU are hurting your partner.

That’s like saying you want to be with a financially well-off person only for the money while you’re screwing the poolboy.

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Friar Chicken

10 months ago

When I see someone in an “open” relationship, I see someone who is greedy, selfish, dishonest and undesirable. They may want more sex than one person can give, but what are they giving to a new partner? They are physically available and emotionally unavailable, ensuring an empty experience. Meanwhile, their “partner” is suffering. Or, they have been together so long they are completely bored with each other. Not much better. Or, they just don’t break up for financial reasons. In any case, they are focused on themselves and not what they have to give or not give to others. Get… Read more »

Agreed. They want to have their cake and eat it too. I’ve had some involvement with these types and it’s always about the dominant member getting over on the other. And let’s not get into the STDs, drama and potential for social and economic harm involved.

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Bob

10 months ago

No…. there is no such thing as triad love, “committed non-mongamy”… that last one especially makes me lmfao…..

Love is between 2 partners. Commitment is between 2 partners. If you wanna have a loose hoeish life style, I’m not here to judge, but there is nothing “committed” about it.

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Curtis

10 months ago

Tacky

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Hunter0500

10 months ago

Monogamy. The few (very few) gay guys that want it and can pull it off should stick to their guns and make it happen. Most gay guys can’t. Many of them will claim to seek it but either they or Mr One and Only will come up short. Some gay guys like to be part of a small herd of men who care about each other. Maybe we call this “open”. They can have flexible emotional and sexual relationships with more than one guy, although they may have “too dog”. Monogamy guys will eschew these relationship as false. Some gay… Read more »

What a joke. Either be in and build a monogamous experience with your partner, your love or be single leading a hit or miss , on again off again sexual lifestyle . Sometimes chicken sometimes feathers as they say.. Even in a monogamous partnership there will be difficult periods.. but as time passes honesty and trust are values that pay wonderful , unexpected dividends. Even when I feel like I never want him to touch me again, I will look at him sleeping with his mouth wide open or now or again hear him say something so dumb yet so… Read more »

Hey. Not being judgmental but I been following your wise responses to various subjects on here and I’m surprised that you’re in a open-relationship. I know you’re man is black and you’re white and I feel as if I know you, just from reading your open-minded and great responses. You didn’t really elaborate in your response on this subject so I hope you don’t mind answering a few questions. Do you guys do it just to have something different in bed or do you seek someone with a bigger cock than your man? Do you go for other black men… Read more »

Well, Matt, anymore it’s more of a friendship and sex upon occasion situation. I do not live with him, but see him quite frequently. We both have agreed we can see others for sexual fun, and neither of us have no problems with it. Yes, he tells me of other sexual partners he hooks up with, and I also tell him about encounters I have with others. I have also had encounters with others he sees as well. Neither of us are into anal sex, but do mostly oral. Although anal has happened upon occasion. Our cocks are just average,… Read more »

How are you a “bf” & state your partner has other “bf’s…just like you?

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Jon

10 months ago

The date only very slightly resembles his photos. He is much older/younger (is he worth going to jail?) than he told you or the photos are old….possibly taken with a Polaroid camera. There is no “warmth”between you….very little compatibility. He is a Trump supporter. You keep waiting for the “spark” but there is none. Poor hygiene. Very little in common. He asks if the dog can go outside. He does not speak English. He is welded to his iPhone. His favorite movie of all time is “Ghostbusters,” the new one. He is late…very late. He has no idea who is… Read more »

I’ve always said it would be a cold day in hell before I’m committed. I will commit love, money, and support. I will be there as long as I’m wanted and needed! The penis on the other hand is mine. I’ve been supporting that prick for my whole life…

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Seth

10 months ago

This is just me, but no matter how to try to sugar coat it, IT’S STILL CHEATING. You just allowing him/her to do it.. Now again this is me, but I have a big RESPECT rule for my relationship.. Respect it. Now that goes both ways.. For me and those outside and can clearly see I am involved.. I’m greedy and don’t share what I have. That’s the best way to say it.

I recently was asked by a friend to partcipate in a 3some with him and this guy and this friend ive known for 8 years got a bit jealous that the guy was attracted to me and we hit it off. We were doing our thing without penetration but my friend just stop sat up and stopped the session. My friend told the guy to leave while gesturing to me to stay so that we could be alone. I declined the invitation and left with the guy, but the guy and I just chatted outside briefly and went our separate… Read more »

Jealousy is ugly in any type of relationship. I’ve been single 40 years and will remain so. When people use the ‘L’ word, that seems to imply they now own you emotionally. Personally, I don’t buy into what society, social media or mass media is selling. Love is a made up construct to sell, sell , sell. And seems like everyone has drank the kool aid.

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Kayman

10 months ago

Nope. Open relationships are nothing more than glorified friends with benefits or fuck buddy situationships. That’s why open relationships fail in the end because one or both parties catch feelings for someone else. The “relationship” ends because of the desire to be with others.

I read some of these posts. I find them to be amusing. What I have read thusfar are a bunch of guys screaming about how wrong it is to be polyamorous blah blah blah…yet I’m more than confident that a vast majority (if not all of these dudes) are single while they work on that “monogamous is the best relationship” thing they scream about. A friend of mine said to me once, “if there are so many single gay men looking for a relationship, why are there so many single gay men looking for a relationship”? Is it selfish to… Read more »

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NotAnAngel

10 months ago

We’re all wired differently. Some of us need monogamy for emotional security and others don’t. Overlaying your context on someone else serves neither of you. Some really need monogamy and others do not. It’s all good– just be truthful about which you pick, and act responsibly. Partnerships work when both put effort towards it, but partnership is just one element of relationships. And that basis, that context can change. Understand it, but be honest. Me? I don’t see ever going monogamous– I’m not built for it and can’t see myself honestly committing my sexuality to just one stud. Ever.

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619to916

10 months ago

Perhaps I’m older than some of you, but y’all need to chill. Having an ‘open’ relationship doesn’t have to refer to how wide your legs will go out, but how much your mind can handle at one time. “Open” is the most accurate way to describe our relationship, but neither of us has carte blanche to do whatever we want… there are rules, and the lines can change or blur over time out of necessity, not convenience. What we do know is that our hair is not going to burst into purple flames if something does happen. We are not… Read more »

I try my best to be faithful, I truly love him.. when I’m with him I am in heaven….but then at the supermarket this hot sexy good looking guy walks up. He’s got a big bulge in his jeans…I can’t take my eye off his crotch.. he smiles at me…. He reaches down and rubs his big dick..I can see it growing in his jeans…he invites me to follow him to his truck… first thing you know I’m getting fucked so dam good… afterwards I feel so dam guilty…and the guy beside me tell me hos good my ass was….and… Read more »