Hardly Working / Breaking Bad

Script

Hardly Working: Breaking Bad

By Jenny Jaffe & Josh Ruben

INT. METH LAB OOPS DID I SAY THAT I MEAN OFFICE
DAVID and EMILY are having lunch.
DAVID
Are you all caught up on Breaking
Bad?
JOSH enters acting like JESSE.
JOSH
Are YOU all caught up on Breaking
Bad? BITCH?
JENNY
Oh my god, Josh, you've been doing
that Jesse impression for like 2
weeks.
DAVID
It's a good impression, but you
seriously need to chill. It's
weird.
JOSH
How about I do an impression of my
fist going into your FACE?! BITCH!
DAVID
Come on, Josh, now you're just
being offensive.
INT. SAMS OFFICE
SAM
I mean, I'm just not sure if I like
this draft or not... Josh, do you
need something?
JOSH
You wanna buy some crystal?
SAM
I don't, uh-
JOSH
Yo, look, don't waste my time,
bitch. I got the blue shit if you
got the cheddar. LET'S GO.
BEN
Uh, we're working...
Josh pulls out a gun. He's teary eyed.
JOSH
I don't' wanna have to do this, Gale!
BEN
Is that a real gun?!
A KNOCK on the door. It's Jenny and DAVID.
JENNY
Sam, can we talk to you for a
second?
They leave Ben with Josh. As thy walk away we hear a
GUNSHOT!
INT. OUTSIDE SAM'S OFFICE
David, Sam and Jenny pow-wow.
JENNY
Obviously this is getting a little
out of control.
DAVID
It's like he's become Jesse. The
other day he invited all of these
crack whores to the office.
SAM
I think I have a plan...
INT. OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
Josh is pouring out a bag of BLUE ROCK CANDY and smashing it
like crystal.
Sam approaches, dressed as WALTER WHITE.
SAM
Hey, uh, Jesse. It's me, Walt.
JOSH
Mr. White! What are you doing
here?
SAM
Well, I'm actually looking for
someone, maybe you can help me.
I'm looking for a guy. Funny guy.
Hairy. Name's Josh. Likes to
dress up and play kooky characters?
He holds up a PICTURE of Josh as the OWL LADY.
JOSH
Uh. I don't know what you're uh-
Jenny approaches in a blonde wig: SKYLER
JENNY
(as Skyler)
No! Let's not beat around the bush
Walt. Josh, I don't know what's
going on with you right now, but
this Jesse impression needs to
stop.
JOSH
(breaking character)
I, uh, don't know what you're
trying to do here, but it's not
cool, bitch!
DAVID enters on crutches.
DAVID
(as Walt Jr.)
You're a pussy, Josh! You need to
stop acting like Jesse and start
acting like YOURSELF.
JENNY
I just don't know how much longer I
can take this. You are tearing
this office apart.
She picks up a BABY from O.S. and starts feeding it just as
Murph enters, also dressed as JESSE.
MURPH
Yeah! And, like, everyone knows
I'm Jesse! And you're Josh! If
there were two Jesse's it would be
like, really confusing! Bitch!
Everyone nods in agreement. They are suddenly flanked by
Pat in a bald cap as HANK (walking with a cane) and Emily
as MARIE (dressed in all purple).
Sam puts his hands on Josh's shoulders. He does the
"emotional Walt mouth."
SAM
What you need to do... is apply
yourself.
This is a big moment for Josh who slowly takes off his hat.
Emotional MUSIC plays.
JOSH
Oh my god... I'm so sorry, guys.
I guess I just love Breaking Bad so
much and ever since season 4 ended
I don't know what to do with
myself...
JENNY
You were so wrapped up in your own
little world that you didn't notice
we missed the real you.
JOSH
Wow! I guess I really learned a
lesson today! So, no more Jesse
impression?
SAM/JENNY/CRAIG/MURPH
No more Jesse impression.
BACK to Josh - now SALAMANCA, wheelchair-bound in a
beer-stained tank top and hawaiian shirt.
He rings his bell. DING DING DING.
Everyone looks momentarily disappointed... then LAUGHS!
Josh shits himself.