6 May 2014

FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY?

So way back in January you might remember that I coined 2014 as the year of 'DO'. No more hesitation, no more crap, no more holding myself back. The plan was to be more spontaneous, more adventurous and more fun. Well the fun is going to plan and as you know there was that trip to Paris right? Except that's where it falters, all those jet setter plans seemed to have been grounded due to a sudden huge helping of fear. As it turns out, despite the thousands of air miles I've clocked up in my life, I'm suddenly quite petrified of flying.

There were some red flags raised along the way, hell they were waving and screaming, what with the unprovoked freak out on the Roue de Paris and complete break down on the Fleet Air Field Museum flight simulator. You can see where this is going right? You've guessed it, all those exciting adventures are now being put off or pushed back due my fear of flying, so much so that I'm carrying round prescribed diazepam just on the off chance I am kidnapped and taken on board a flying metal machine.

So knowing this is all totally ridiculous and the chances of being killed in an airline disastor is 11 million to 1 – yes I googled it – I'm hoping that my mind is the type that responds well to the power of persuasion, hypnotherapy, acupuncture or any of the other numerous things I'm willing to try to gain my wings soon.

So with a holiday coming up in a few weeks, do I wait until I have a better grasp of this or do I feel the fear and do it anyway?

I can empathise with this SO much. I developed a - completely irrational and very irritating - fear of flying somewhere in my mid 20's, despite flying since I was a baby and taking a lot of long haul trips, especially in my late teens / early 20's. It is completely irrational but that doesn't stop you thinking of all the things that could happen, does it? I have flown a lot since then and don't tend to freak out, I just stress a lot about it before / during and spend the whole time really, really hating it. Pre-baby, about two glasses of wine would help but we've not actually flown since I had E so don't know what it would be like now. Arghh, so hard xx.

I'd say do it anyway! Hopefully the reward of knowing that you've done it and getting to the destination will be worth it. Or just does yourself up, and let your husband take care of Felix! Hope your therapy goes well though and helps, it would be such a shame to miss out on future adventures!

I hope you manage to conquer your fear in time for your holiday. My husband is terrified of flying and had to fly to Spain to help his mum when his stepdad fell ill while they were on holiday. He nearly didn't make it because he had a panic attack and tried to get off the plane but the staff were wonderful and moved him to a seat at the front so he didn't feel as hemmed in as he had been and the woman next to him kept talking to him all the way there to keep his mind off of his fear.

I know that these fears cannot be understood or rationalised by anyone so won't even bother trying. They are very real to you so as you say, unless you want them to impact or hinder your family, you probably do need to seek help. Good luck!

Hi Lori. I totally understand what you're going through. I developed a terrible fear of flying after having flown all over Africa and around the world and I didn't fly for 5 years. The fear may be irrational but the feelings are very real and horrible. As someone who used to suffer crippling anxiety for many years and then went on to become a therapist working with others struggling with fears and anxieties, it is my experience that it is not the event itself that causes the most anxiety (in your case flying), but rather the fear of the anxiety and panic that comes when you are tackling that event. Hypnotherapy is good and so is medication, but if you really think about it, are you actually more scared of how you will feel when you get on a plane, than the plane itself? Anxiety and panic are horrible feelings along with the physical symptoms that go with it, but they will not harm you and they will not do any long term damage, and they are the worse thing that will happen to you when you fly. Taking the medication will take the edge of these feelings. The longer you avoid confronting this the more insurmountable it will become and the more you will build it up in your head to be impossible. I would take medication, take the shortest flight you can find (I flew to Dublin!!), try and book the seats closest to the front of the plane as people tend to feel less claustrophobic there and you also don't have to see many other passengers. Have some relaxation exercises on your ipod and plug in and zone out. I promise you the feeling of achievement and self esteem that you will get from tackling this will be immense and a great rush. Yes, you may feel rubbish when you first do it, but it won't last long and you'll be fine when you touch down in which ever exotic location you choose!! PM me if you want to talk about it further and have a great trip!! x

:( that must be so hard. I think it's a totally understandable fear, especially since any plane problems end up with so much news coverage. If you feel you can, you should try to go anyway, because you may find you can cope with it ok. But, if you are getting ridiculously stressed out by it, then it may not end up being much of a holiday anyway. Maybe you need to have a eurostar holiday? I'm not scared of flying, but the sea terrifies me. Uch. x

that's so tricky, I think if you thinking about it all the time and stressing then it's ok to just leave it while until you feel a bit better or have the time to work through the issues. On the flip side you could find out that's what you need to get over it..nto very helpful am I! I hate flying too, urgh! x

DEFINITELY do it!! I also hate flying and after a weird experience (too long and weird to go into but nothing to do with flying) I also now suffer from claustrophobia....so I hate going in an airplane. But I love travelling and I realise that it has to be done. I think if you don't go for it then it will develop into an even bigger issue that will be even harder to break. If you are taking your child that will help - I felt I had to focus on mine and that took up a lot of time and energy and I kept forgetting to think about my claustrophobia which definitely helped! But I know it's easy to say but I honestly would "feel the fear and do it anyway"...the advantages of doing so really do outweigh the disadvantages and it's much more dangerous just out walking down the side of the road than going in a plane. Go for it, I bet you'll regret it loads more if you don't go for it than if you do.... :)

I am so sorry your feeling like this. Mr J is exactly the same and does take medication to create a numbness, it's not the most perfect solution but it meant (pre-children) we made the most of our passports. I hope you find your way through it- the journey will be worth it! x

Go. Maybe try some hypnotherapy and learn some breathing exercises to help you feel in control. I really get panicky too when flying, but only for take off, then I am ok again. There is lots of ways to help you get control back so you don't have to miss out on your big adventures!

I have flown all over, on my own to NZ etc. but haven't flown anywhere for a good few years. Now, I would be petrified :( It's going to be some time too before I ever get back on a plane as my son has autism and there's no way I can see him being able to manage a flight until he's much older. I reckon I'll eventually have to do one of those courses. Good luck x

Lori this kind of fear actually intensifies when we become Mothers, its a very normal and rational fear to have. So you can feel good knowing that there are a lot of Mummies out there that feel the same! Generally, we don't like it when control is taken away from us and our lives (especially our childrens) are put into the hands of another person. Yes, what a good place to start, to 'feel the fear and do it anyway' that means that we are taking control at a conscious level from our 'intellectual minds' (associated with relaxation, control, positive and rational thinking) and not letting our 'primitive' (fear based/anxiety survival) minds take control of us...the next step would be to learn how to deal with the negative thoughts and stress triggers leading up to and during the flight. All the clients I have seen for fear of flying (normally rooted in deeper general anxiety) have really benefitted from using positive visualisation and relaxation techniques in order to successfully manage their a) general anxiety and b) enjoy the lead up to the flight, and enjoy the flight itself. Good luck :)

Anxiety is more than fear. It responds poorly to logic and is self-perpetuating. As a life-long sufferer of anxiety and crippling panic attacks I really do feel for you. That having been said, the more stuff you don't do because you know it scares you, the smaller your world gets. Little by little it gets smaller and smaller till you wonder where your life went. I recommend looking at some CBT type exercises online or seeing if your Dr can refer you to CBT. I hope you have a great holiday xLove Vickyhttp://www.aroundandupsidedown.co.uk/

I have never actually been on a plane and I can understand your fear as I also have it however I believe you can do anything if you put your mind to it and I am sure you will be able to overcome this fear like I will be able to. Looking forward to reading a follow up post :)

Oh wow Lori I can completely understand were you are coming from - when I was 13 I was diagnose with Pteromerhanophobia - extreme phobia of flying - even though I had clocked up more than 30 flights by this point due to having an expat mother, the fear grew in me over a year of not travelling and when we went to board a plane I freaked out and ever since then the thought of flying sends fear into me - I have even been refused entry to a plane because of the state I was in - white, sweating, shouting, vomiting etc - and it's completely out of my hands and because of this the last time I managed to drag myself onto a plane back to South Africa for a holiday I just couldn't do it on return and had to take a cargo ship back (no joke it took 28 days of being seasick). I flew again before I had my son, to Barcelona - managed to get by with some very stiff drinks but after that spent 2 years travelling by train everywhere - I have a real passion for travel, have been to 26 countries but my fear of flying is crippling and I hate it, I hate I cannot control it and have been on courses and to therapy and know all the statistics and yet cannot seem to overcome it. I was improving but since having my son my fear has heighten again as I know feel responsible not only for myself but also for him. I desperately want to take my son to amazing places in the world and I still believe I can without flying - Man in seat 61 is a great and inspiring travel sight about how to get to any place in the world pretty much without travelling, even Japan (Transiberian here we come!). I really wish I could take a pill that would cure the fear

Oh man, anxieties and irrational fears are SUCH nightmares, I really feel for you. I went through a horrible spell of being utterly petrified to leave my house alone, the only way I could in the end was by being on the phone to someone as a distraction and gradually cutting back on the time on my phone. Go for the alternate therapies, think about exactly which part of flying scares you the most and what you can do for a distraction - would sleeping through the flight help? Rescue Remedy do some fab natural sleeping pills. However you manage it I hope you have a lovely time and do let us know how it goes x

I've only developed a fear of flying as an adult too, in fact it was after a horrible flight to Venice a few years ago. There was really bad turbulance and a problem with the lights and I was sure I was going to die. On the way back from Spain a couple of years ago I was in a constant state of panic and couldn't even speak to anyone - after that I vowed never to fly again but later in the year we are going on holiday. Let me know how you get on!! x