Dear Diary,
I'm going to the dentist tomorrow, and I'm so nervous. It's not at all rational, so I can't even reason with myself. I have spent weeks (months, honestly) working up to it and trying to get rid of my phobia. Even earlier today, I thought, "I'm looking forward to this!" But now, I can feel each minute ticking me closer to the chair. I'm a little overwhelmed with thoughts about what all I have to do tomorrow. I have to take a shower, feed the baby, take care of her, make sure the grandparents are taken care of until the babysitter comes at 2:30, get myself to the dentist office, not fall apart. Most of these things are not terribly taxing on a normal day, but tomorrow I will be in an extremely heightened state of frazzle.

I think I will write on my hand the only things I really need to remember:

Breathe.Take care of the baby.
If I can just repeat those two things until 2:30, maybe the rest will take care of itself.
Nick says I'm goi…

Most places I stroll with Mamie, she is a magnet for attention and cooing. However, in those places populated by young cool people, she gets me absolutely no special treatment. I think that mom/baby pairs are invisible to young singles, and I'm sure I had the same attitude at the time.

Yes, I have squeezed a giant stroller in tighter places than I should have, but I also have to get this human from place to place somehow! And I'm drowning half the time and just give me a break, ok? I didn't even know how big my strollers were when I got them because I was drowning in a sea of WTF do I do to take care of this baby??

I just recently got a new (umbrella) stroller which is teeny and should not annoy anyone, really. But the decision about which stroller to get opened up a lot of questions in my mind abou…

Nearly ten years ago, a doctor told me diabetes would kill me, it was just a matter of how soon. I couldn't see the benefit of his ugly, callous prediction. I couldn't see the benefit of being locked into a medical relationship with someone who saw me as a hopeless expiration date. I decided even with long waits and insurance hurdles, it would always be worth it to find doctors who are supportive and try to understand me as a person.

Today, I broke up with
my obstetrician.

I'm not convinced he's not a good doctor, but he's not a good fit for me. He has been seeing me for two months to help me prepare for another baby, but I don't think he knows anything about me. Our appointments last less than 5 minutes, he gives me vaguely shaming advice to lose weight, "start" exercising, stop being diabetic. He has never asked me whether I exercise, what I eat, what I do to control my diabetes. He has made assumptions about my lifestyle based on my appearance, …

I have been a librarian, a newspaper reporter, a market researcher for a national farming magazine. Now I am a mother compelled to model passionate pursuits for my daughters. My passionate pursuits are writing, wellness, and creating a family community among the people we love and learn from.
This blog is about what I'm doing, learning, reading, and obsessing over. Pretty things, crazy things, secret things.