Saturday, October 2, 2010

I never wanted to be a tough mom

I swear when I signed up to be a mom I was going to be all lovey, huggy, and babying. But when I had my first child, God had another idea. Not being tough wasn’t an option.

When Avery was born we decided we wanted everything for him. We wanted him to grow up and be everything he wanted. We wanted him to live independently and have a job and hopefully a wife one day. So being all lovey, huggy and babying just wasn’t going to work. We had to set the bar high and help him to it.

I remember when he started PPCD on his third birthday. I was heartbroken. All I could think was all the other moms got to keep their kids home but I had to send mine to school. I didn’t just get to keep him home and play with him and love on him. But we did what was best for him and have tried to do that since.

Now I’ve got this down. I encourage him to do things that will help with his life and the future he wants. I have fought for all of that for years. He is so excited to get a job and move out. And as hard as that is for me I will make sure he can do it.

Then something happened, my son was diagnosed with a chronic illness. The medicine they are giving him weakens his immune system and now I once again don’t want to be tough. I want to wait on him and put him in a bubble.

I don’t want to tell him to walk to the bathroom, to get up and throw away his plate. I want him to just sit there until he feels better. But I know that the only way he will get his strength and stamina back is to get moving. I don’t want to send him back to school because I don’t want him to get sick. I want to keep him in the house and protect him.

But I am not going to do that. I am going to drive him to school Monday and let him have at least a couple hours there. I am going to encourage him to get himself something to drink. I am going to be a tough mom, no matter how much it hurts. I am going to fight with everything we all have to help him get back all the things he has and help him to get all the things he has always wanted.