Subscribe

Someone recently emailed me with a question about American wedding culture:

I am finding more and more that kids are not being invited to weddings and I think that money is a big issue. I have been invited to numerous wedding over the last year or so and every one of them said no kids allowed. I asked why not and they said I will enjoy myself more. What? I don’t need someone else telling me how to enjoy myself. I love my son and love being around him. He makes me extremely happy. I have more fun with him than stressing over who is going to watch him.

My response is that this is probably a symptom of expensive wedding syndrome. At a lot of wedding venues in America, the bride and groom pay by the plate. Sometimes (certainly not always) they expect each guest to bring a gift that covers the cost of their plate. So a couple with three kids could easily be looking at a 1,000 dollar wedding gift.

In addition, the kids might need new clothes, there may be travel expenses, etc. So kids at weddings can be a financial strain for the bride and groom plus the family with kids.

I think 30 years ago in America, kids were almost always invited to weddings. It seems that somewhere along the way, weddings in America became about being fancier than you can afford instead of having fun with friends and family.

I overheard an interesting argument recently about how to choose an appropriate gift for an American wedding.

One person recommended calling the venue to learn how much they charge per plate:

I never want to be a financial burden on a couple getting married. I always remember what it was like for my brother and myself. I, personally, would like to cover the cost of the food I am eating and add a little more. Since most places will charge at least 150/plate I think a couple attending a wedding should give about $300, which is generally seen as a nice gift. I think $200 would be light, but it depends on how expensive the wedding reception is. If the wedding will be too expensive calculating travel costs and the gift, then I won’t go. I’ll still send the couple a gift though.

I just had a friend’s wedding yesterday. They kept it low key and at their house. I gave lower than my usual $300 since it was a house party with no DJ or band.

At my own wedding, where I paid $200 per plate, a jackass family of doctors gave 50 bucks for their 4 person families. I’m sorry but their plates cost me $800. They gave me $50. Those cheap bastards didn’t deserve to eat at my wedding.

On the other side of the argument, someone said the cost of the wedding has nothing to do with how much guests should give:

A gift is just that, a gift. It should be what you feel comfortable with and can afford. I don’t know where this notion comes from that your gift has to cover the cost per plate. That is BS. You are a guest and you give a gift because you want to and can. It is none of your business what they spend per guest.

A guest should have nothing but the notion they were invited to the wedding because they are wanted there. It is not up to them to decide whether or not they are a financial burden to the couple and that is not the basis for a gift.

Covering the cost of the wedding is the responsibility of the couple getting married. Maybe they get help from their families, maybe not. If people cannot afford a big wedding without guests paying for at least the cost of their plates, then the couple should downsize their plans. It may not be fun, but it is the adult decision.

This article argues that texting led to wasted hours and a false sense of hope as two men spent 21 days getting to know each other via texts after being connected through an online dating site. Convinced that he was in love, the author showed up to the first real date, hugged the guy, and found they had no chemistry.

The author seems to think that after the dating site connection, the next step should be to arrange a dinner date instead of getting to know the other person through texts.

Seems like common sense to this author. Did you join the online dating site to find someone to text for three weeks? Or did you join the online dating site so you could meet someone in real life? I think humans should be trying to spend time with each other in real life so 3 weeks of texting before ever meeting sounds like a terrible idea.

I don’t think it matters that the couple was gay. I don’t think it matters that the couple was American. I admit that there may be cultural differences I don’t know about and these difference might make long term texting before meeting more desirable in certain cultural contexts. So teach me about your culture and texting before dating.

I’m fairly certain that ads like this wouldn’t work too well in most cultures, but this Mentos ad from Singapore encourages Singapore’s citizens to do their civic duty and make babies. I understand the government has its own ads that encourage more baby-making as well.

Tap you all night like an EZ Link card….
Explore your body like the Night Safari….
Go all the way for Singapore….
Let’s put a bao in your oven….

I don’t actually know what the ast one means exactly but I know enough to figure it’s dirty.

This question was posed on a football message board. Read the question briefly and then make sure you understand it by summarizing the man’s problem:

My lovely wife and I were watching Mad Men the other evening when she turned to me and asked, “If John Hamm is my free pass, who is yours?” Now after 25 years of marriage I think I know a trap when I see one, so I hesitated and demurred, but then she gave me a hard time about dodging the question. So I ask you, what is the proper response to such a question from one’s wife?

These are some of the answers American men offered. Some are serious and some are jokes. This is authentic language so many will contain real English that you may not know because they don’t teach it in textbooks. Which answer makes sense to you? Which of the joke answers is funniest?

Say her best friend, her sister, or her mom. Pick whichever one you like least because if you’re lucky she may just stop inviting that person over when you’re around.

You should have turned the tables on her and asked her why she felt the need to sleep with anyone else because she is the only one for you. Instead of trapping you, your wife just trapped herself. Tell her, “What do you mean free pass?” Get up, walk away and do the same kind of passive aggressive shit she’d do to you if you’d answered that question until she ends up apologizing to you. Two can play that game.

You’ve been married 25 years and you’re laying “traps” for each other? Sounds like a hell of an institution. Congratulations. Once you marry them, they own you and behave accordingly. Oh well. It’s a pretty transparent scam and anyone who falls for it deserves what he gets.

She went first and said a guy – that is your out. If she said, “honey, who would be your free pass?” that is a trick question. You have to get her choice out there first. That is your ace in the hole if any argument starts over you picking someone.

Haha, you don’t actually think John Hamm would sleep with you, do you?

This shows you how marriage messes guys up. She tells you she wants to nail another guy and you’re worried about offending her?

Say Angelina Jolie and plant the idea of a threesome in your wife’s mind. Straight women even have a strange attraction to her. Get a 3sum fantasy going and then milk it for all it’s worth.

It’s her trying to add some spice to your love life. Just open up and run with it. What’s the worst thing that can happen? Answer it, but in the realm of ludicrousness. Megan Fox is OK, but not that new girl in accounting – she’s too real. It’s just fantasy stuff nothing to be worried about.

If you’re feeling frisky, pretend you’re actually thinking about it and then tell her that since your wife is smoking like Angelina Jolie, you’d use your free pass on someone else. Keep knocking off candidates. Not Scarlett Johannsen, ’cause your wife already gives you that smart and sexy thing. In a few minutes you will be hitting it.

Tell her someone who is already dead – for example Marliyn Monroe. Or pick someone who used to be hot and around your wife’s age like Deborah Harry or Diane Lane.

Honey, I used my pass 25 years ago. Wait, we only get one?

I’d never name a “free pass.” No such thing, even in theory. I know my wife has crushes (Antonio Banderas, Russell Crowe among them), and she knows my “girlfriends” (Penelope Cruz, Michele Pfeiffer). I usually mention that I wouldn’t ever want to sleep with them … too much work. And since that’s believable, I’m all set. 🙂

Interesting article here on the hook up culture on US college campuses. It focuses on a minority of students (according to the article) who have decided to avoid this culture. Many, it seems, are hoping for a return of traditional dating culture.

Posted in America | Comments Off on Avoiding hook up culture at US colleges

Last week I was substitute teaching at the middle school the town over from me and I noticed a good looking girl around my age in the employee break room at lunch. Now, I’m usually a wimp when it comes to approaching chicks but this girl was definitely trying to engage me in conversation. In a rare showing of intestinal fortitude I asked her out at the end of the day. She said yes, we went out on Saturday night and had an awesome time. Ended up hanging out Sunday night and I visited her at her school (Holy Cross) and got dinner Wednesday night. We had plans to have dinner at my new apartment this past Saturday but she came down with a mysterious illness over the weekend.

I talked to her Sunday and she said she wanted to hangout but this week probably wouldn’t work. Basically what I’m asking is how to I play it at this point? This girl is disproportionately better looking than I am so I went with the ‘strike while the iron is hot approach’ which definitely backfired. I haven’t heard from her this week and I’m leaning toward going with the indifference card, not contacting her unless she contacts me and resort to a hail Mary call next week if I don’t hear from her. What say you?

Some of the answers:

1. How do you “play it” at this point? Why don’t you just ask her if she’s still interested.

2. Take her to a restaurant and buy her a nice meal. She probably got scared that you were inviting her to your apartment for dinner already after like 1 date. Maybe she’s old fashioned.

3. Don’t be a Tool. Call her, say hi, tell her you liked hanging out with her…ask her out again.

4. It sounds to me like she’s blowing you off but it could just be a bad time, so if you really like her it’s worth another shot. I’d wait the week out before asking her again, just to not be a stalker.

5. Good God, dude, slow down. In the span of a few days, you hung out way too much, you are waaaaay too available to her and she knows it. You went out Saturday night, hung out AGAIN the NEXT day, then drove to her school three days later (at this point, she’s probably already a little weirded out), then you want her at your apt three days later for an intimate dinner.

Way too much, way too soon, way too focused on one female before you really have a clue who she is, etc.

Right now, play the indifference card and let her come to you. NO invites of any kind, DO NOT ask her if she’s still interested.

6. Do not ask her if you should keep calling her, unless you don’t want to hang out with her again. Step on the brakes. Hang back — if she wants to get together with you this week, she’ll reach out to you. If you don’t hear from her after this week, you got the answer you’re looking for. At this point, I’d take her for her word she did get together w/ you 3 times last week. Asking her if she is still interested in you, when nothing apparently went wrong on the 3 dates, is not a good idea.

7. Game Over. “This girl is disproportionately better looking than I am”. If you believe this, you’re wasting your time. Confidence is what attracts women, not looks.

8. You already made the effort to try and hang out this week. At this point I think your best bet is to not call her and lay low. If she was interested, she’ll call you asking where you’ve been in about 2 weeks.

By the way, dinner as a date is bad. Too much eating without talking. Sitting across from someone at a table doesn’t lend itself to physical contact. Should have just gotten drinks, on a weekday. Weekend nights are too valuable, you put her on a pedestal already.

9. So when are you proposing to her? Tuesday?? Yeah, this was an easy one to call. You’re coming off as desperate and she’s reconsidering her initial feelings.

Think of yourself like a stock. You make yourself seem too available and your value plummets. Gotta pump that stock up. And the only way to do that with a girl who won’t be able to see you with other girls, etc. is to give the impression (real or perceived) that you have options/are wanted. All she can glean right now is that you have no plans… ever, and want to spend all your time with her.

She’s backing off… if she hasn’t bailed altogether already. Cool it

10. I think one can be confident without basing it on their looks. I don’t consider myself a good-looking guy, but girls have told me that they’ve liked me who are substantially better looking than I. I’m just confident in other areas, I’d say.

I’d slow it down. I’ve made the same mistake (I still do occasionally). Girls will say that they want a guy who cares for them, is there for them, etc. Bullshit in most cases.

And also, it’s much easier said than done. If you like her, you’ll want to contact her. But I’d lay low for a week or two and then ask again if she doesn’t contact you.

11. Your first problem is that you referred to the woman as a broad.

12. Sounds to me like you’re being a little too pushy and she needs her space.

13. My advice: All women are insecure to a degree, some more so than others. If you act like you don’t give a shit, they become insecure and come after you. If they do not come after you, they are not interested in you. Of course, not all women will react this way, but in my experiences, this is how it works for the majority.

14. Don’t EVER call a girl a broad. If she’s into you, she’ll call. Don’t ever ask if you should stop calling. Stop calling. Saying, “This girl is disproportionately better looking than I am…” tells me you need more confidence.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Americans giving advice on when to ask for another date

How does culture affect the way we date? Dating really can have a different meaning depending on where you are Ã¢â‚¬“ whether itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s an organised and supervised meeting or a frivolous, wine-fuelled meal.

Dating means something different in every culture. Etiquette, expectations, pace and motivations vary hugely from place to place. The Western world, for example, would term the dating rituals of less liberal societies, such as India, Korea and Pakistan as old fashioned and out-dated. But we can only hope that the overall aim is the same: to find love, happiness and eventually a life-long partner.

In most cases, the differences are due to the extent of both religious faith and parental control, which considerably affect the ease around the customs of dating. Arranged marriages, as practiced in India, Pakistan, and parts of Africa mean that the choice of partner has already been made by the coupleÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s parents, and although some parents allow dating after a decision has been reached, it has a very different emphasis. The couple know that they will marry regardless. In Iran, dating is actually illegal. Families arrange supervised meetings between their marriageable youngsters. These Ã¢â‚¬ËœdatesÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ are yet again different.

America seems to be where the conventional and most widely agreed meaning of the Ã¢â‚¬ËœdateÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ originates. In this more relaxed society it is not surprising that dating customs are far removed from parental control and religious traditions. Many Hollywood movies depict Ã¢â‚¬ËœdatesÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ usually in restaurants or bars with an endless political dispute over who should pay. Dating seems to be a way to test a potential partner before commitment is made and to decide whether they are compatible. The television series Sex and the City often depicted dating as far removed from committed relationships, with lead Carrie dating several men at one time, with some dates even leading to one-night-stands.

In the UK, dating is different again. Asking someone on a date is very rare and people will tend to interact in groups and hide the fact that they like someone until they either summon enough courage, or get drunk enough, to admit it. After that, there are Ã¢â‚¬ËœdatesÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ but the emphasis again becomes different as a lot of the embarrassment of the situation has been diluted by that first moment of intoxication.

The recent rise in popularity of dating online (here’s one such story), however, could mean a reform for the dating culture especially in the UK. Here, instead of meeting people in clubs and bars, situations often fuelled by alcohol; people who are looking to find love and are interested in commitment can find each other without having to wade through the mass of unworthy philanderers. Because nowadays, we really donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have the time to look!

So, even though dating varies widely across the globe, online dating could be changing the overall emphasis, particularly in Western culture. Finding love could become far easier in every corner of the worldÃ¢â‚¬Â¦

Posted in Discussions | Comments Off on How do we Find Love? Dating Rituals across the Globe

Girl I knew from college (but wasn’t really friends with) sends me a message on Facebook that she wants to hang out and grab a drink sometime. So I tell her to meet me at a bar last Thursday. Conversation is great, she’s funny, we have similar interests, etc. However, didn’t I get a good sense if there’s any romantic interest. We say our goodnights.

I wait until Sunday afternoon and call her. I tell her that I’m going to take her out to dinner Friday (yesterday) night. She agrees, so we go to this expensive Italian restaurant. Same thing, conversation is great, she doesn’t have any problem opening up about herself, etc. I pay for everything. However, I still have no clue if there’s any physical attraction on her part. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but didn’t really get a sense that I would have been ok in making a real move.

So anyway, I wait a couple of hours and send her a text saying “Hey I had a great time. Look forward to doing something again soon.” She responds “I had a lot of fun too. Thank you so, so much. I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon. Night!”

So, the door is still open, but I still have no sense of where I stand. I’m thinking I need to step it up on the third date and then go for broke. Any ideas on what to do? Going to see a show is nice, but there’s no room for conversation. Any ideas? I’m not a super-creative person.

Also, ValentineÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Day is coming up. Too soon to send her flowers at work or something like that?

Answer 1: Slow down for a second. She initiated contact via facebook, which is a great sign, BUT if you’re not feeling any real sexual heat from her on a date, that’s a not such a good sign. However, I suspect you’re waiting for her to initiate that as well, and she probably won’t if she’s somewhat old-fashioned.

Stick to drinks, avoid expensive dinners for awhile; let her prove to you she deserves that. And when you’re out together, touch her … gentle hand on the small of her back, for example. If she returns the touch in some way, good sign. You have to make the move for a legit kiss, none of this on the cheek stuff. The kiss is what will tell you yay or nay, step up. And, if you don’t make a move on the 3rd date, you’re going to be stuck in the Ã¢â‚¬Å“Friend ZoneÃ¢â‚¬Â for good …

One other thing. NO TEXTS two hours after you just dropped her off the same night!! Cripes, let some anticipation build up, give the girl a chance to miss your presence.

Answer 2: the key is it’s something different that most men do. More than likely the girl has not had a guy take her to do something like ice skating, bowling, or going to a museum, or take her to go play laser tag (someone suggested this to me). More than likely, doing fun things like this (k, museum might be ‘fun’) already puts you ahead most of the guys she’s probably dated or might be seeing presently. You’re being different and unpredictable, a very good thing.

Answer 3: the fact that Valentine’s is a week away sucks because it’s awkward timing. You haven’t been out with her long enough (and you don’t know where you stand) to send her flowers or whatever. And if she’s psycho and/or old-fashioned she might get offended if you get her nothing. Tough spot.

Answer 4: Wait a few days. Call her up and say “Choose one, A or B”. She picks one, and you just respond “Ok, see you Friday”. Never tell her what you’re doing. Even play around with it a little and say like “You sure you wanna choose that one? Ok….”

I’m thinking bowling might be the way to go.

NO flowers … you don’t know where you stand with this girl, and a friendship with no legit intimacy doesn’t call for flowers. I guarantee you if you send her flowers on 2/14 given where things stand right now, she’ll run for the hills.

Answer 5: NOTHING beats dinner in, chez vous, followed by a great classic flick on the DVR. Providing your place isn’t a frat-like bachelor pad…

If you can cook, cook for her and have a great bottle of vino. Red or white, whatever she prefers. Write me back if you need wine help or food ideas, I am expert at that having benn 1st a chef (French,Italian)and currently a winemaker. If you can’t cook but know what she likes, pick stuff up from Zabar’s, g-d forbid don’tserve it out of the box but have nice plates and stemware set up for the wine, and flowers on the table – red or deep orange roses are good.

As for the flick, chose a GREAT classic, Elmer Gantry comes to mind but there are innumerable suitable choices, something that suits your common interests is good but just being a great flick is even more important.

Before you bother planning this you make sure she is interested:
Ring Ring Ring
“Hello”
“Hi. Was wondering if you would be interested in dinner and a movie at my place. Something romantic.”
“Sure, I’d love to” (or “Oh… I can’t…. my aunt Gladys is coming in from southern Jabeep”)

Here are some interesting excerpts from an online conversation (from a New York Giants football message board):

Question: Hey guys. Over the last month I’ve been seeing a girl who I met through a mutual friend and it’s been going really, really well. After a week of hanging out with her and our mutual friend(s) I actually asked her out just me and her and we’ve gone out 5 times in 3 weeks, each time getting better and better. Obviously, there’s always (on some level) that apprehensiveness in the beginning, but we’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with each other and the dates kept getting better. I really mean all of this. Every second we spend together we’re laughing and have interesting things to do and talk about.

Here’s my question though. It’s been 5 dates — 5 expensive dates. I’m talking really nice restaurants, most of which in Manhattan, than in the bar running up a pretty sizable tab for two people on a couple of the nights. As good as everything’s been, she hasn’t once even offered to put a dime into the evenings. I’m not cheap I promise. I happily paid over 150 bucks total for date one. A little less than that for dates two and three, but by the 4th, 5th, and now what’s going to be a 6th time going out together, I’m getting a little sick of dropping that kind of money.

It’s not that I don’t have it to do, and it’s not that I object at all to little things like just a dinner and maybe a bite to eat at a diner, but we just keep finding fun things to do lately. The check comes at the end of everything and she doesn’t even consider saying “let me get this one” or “Alright fine but this is the last time, and I’m getting the drinks. I’ve even been paying for the train tickets into the city.

Am I getting played here? I’m starting to think I am and maybe she’s just pretty good at this kind of thing. I asked her to a movie tonight and she was excited and said sure, so that’s a good sign I guess, but even with that I doubt she’d throw in anything. All and all, I’m a little under 850 bucks invested into this relationship and she’s spent I think 99c on a pack of gum for herself (she did give me a piece).

I want to stress how great we get along and how much we have in common, but is it normal for two people who have gone out a half dozen times and spent some time together before that, for the guy to be paying the entire bill every time? If it is normal I’ll suck it up… I just want to know if I’m being played here.

Answer 1: I always pay just because its the gentlemanly thing to do. However usually the girl will at least offer to chip in or help out, especially when it gets really expensive. Obviously I dont know in your situation, but it might be something to worry about. I don’t think you’re totally off base with this.

Answer 2: I’ve found it to be very beneficial NOT offering to pay for anything of hers in the beginning when going on dates.

Answer 3: If you ask a chick out, you should pay for everything. Don’t be a cheap ass.

Answer 4: I’ll pay if it’s necessary (she can’t), otherwise, I’ve learned it sends the wrong message, namely, Can I buy you things in exchange for sex? I used to always offer to pay for any and everything. No more.

Answer 5: She should offer but a lot of girls are traditional like that. To be perfectly frank, you’re the one being a douche here. You dont have to go to nice restaurants all the time! Insecure guys do that.

Answer 6: An offer to help pay should have been made by now. I usually keep the dates a bit more sensible at the beginning because if you go top shelf from day one they will expect top shelf going forward. Move forward, but be cautious and be aware that she may be looking for just a good time and you are offering that up.

Answer 7: If you’re in her pants why keep blowing big cash? You shouldn’t have done that right off the bat, because she’s playing you for your wallet. But, if you’re hitting it then there’s your tradeoff. “It’s going really well” has to be qualified by the dude, and whether he really understands women or not.

Answer 8: IS your issue that she isn’t at least offering to pay, or that she isn’t actually paying? If it’s the former, I agree that it says a lot about her. Usually at this stage of a dating relationship it is not unreasonable that a girl will offer, even if it’s an empty offer.

However, if it’s the latter, then I think you are expecting something that doesn’t normally occur. Especially early on in a relationship, if you are asking the girl out you are paying and that is what is generally expected.

You can broach this tactfully, though, if money is an issue. You can simply tell her you really enjoy her company and you want to continue getting together. But, every date can’t be as elaborate with the current state of teh economy, etc.

Answer 9: Get some chinese delivery for $20, pop open a $10 bottle of wine and you hvae a bed close by. You’ve set the bar high on these first 6 dates. Time to scale it down and re-set expectations.

Answer 10: It’s weird that she hasn’t offered to chip in once. That being said, I would still expect to pay for a girl 9 times out of 10. Just the way the dating world works. You said you enjoy getting served at nice NYC restaurants. Who doesn’t? But it’s a luxury you and I can’t really afford regularly. I think what you need to do is scale down your dates. There’s a lot you can do for a lot less money. From the sound of it, it sounds like you guys have good chemistry, so I’d say the setting doesn’t matter as much as you think it does.

Answer 11: Very bad sign that she hasn’t offered to pay at least once. not a deal-breaker, but a bad sign. I would test her. this is what you do:

go to a restaurant without her once and befriend a waiter/waitress and explain that you’re going to bring in this girl that you’re unsure about and you want to test her. it would help if this is a waiter (guy) who can sympathize with your plight. plan to bring her in on a night when this same guy is working and you’ll put your plan into action.

Arrange it so that he will bring the check to your table while you are in the bathroom. however, instruct him to place the check on HER side of the table, facing HER. then ask him to see what she does while you’re not there. If she doesn’t open it and just pushes it across the table for you to take care of, then she’s a gold-digging whore and there’s no future to speak of.

Answer 12: There’s no harm in talking to her about it. the trick is to find a way to bring it up that doesn’t make you sound cheap or selfish and doesn’t make her feel self-conscious. something like “hey, i’m more than happy to keep seeing you, but i’m a little concerned that i’m being played here. how about this- next time, you invite me and i’ll go wherever you take me.” see how she reacts. if she takes you out (doesn’t matter whether expensive or not), you’ll know she digs you. if she doesn’t, you may have been played. it may be that she lacks the funds, and you can tactfully inquire about that too…but only if she agrees to take you on that next date (you can even offer to pay for it once you see that her interest in you is legit).

Answer 13: If this girl genuinely likes to be with you, then don’t feel at all hesitant to ask her to pay for her share, I mean shit if your spending hundreds of $ going out and your not even a couple she should be paying her way. I was in a similar situation, I’ve been seeing this Girl for about 4 months now and when we first started going out I’d usually pay for everything, not that I would go to really pricey places though, pretty much BK, and shit. Anyway after a month she started to feel kinda bad because she didn’t really want to be in a relationship and felt she was using me, so she pays for everything that she get’s when we go out.

So I guess it comes down for you finding out whether or not she genuinely likes you, or is using you. I think you should start doing things that don’t cost much, that are still fun(watch movies at home, do outdoor things, eat at less expensive places). you shouldn’t feel like you have to entertain her. If she only likes to do expensive things chances are she is totally using you.

Answer 14: I did what I wanted and went where I wanted and with whoever was smart enough to go. Spent what it took to please me. She appreciated it or didn’t. I never attributed money or expected anything for money and never let it enter the equation of what I thought about her. Dropped money oriented people fast and compeltely and moved on quickly. Not part of the calculus in any relationship I was interested in. Went out for less than $10 when I did not have money, spent a fortune when I did. I always thought I spent it on me…not her.

Answer 15: Don’t get her in the habit of expecting expensive dates all the time. If she’s really into you, she’ll appreciate just hanging out for a slice of pizza just as much as she would for a steak dinner. As for who pays, if you’ve been doing the asking, then it’s not unreasonable for her to expect you to pay. When I was dating my husband, if he asked me out, he paid and I never offered. But what I did to “reciprocate” was offer to make him home cooked meals or I’d ask him out to events at which point I’d pay (or try to — he would never let me).

Answer 16: If you’ve slept with her, start going to cheaper places.

Answer 17: You ask a woman out, you pay. That’s how it goes. Then, you decide that you’re ‘dating’, and you’re an ‘item’, and you pay. Then, you fall in love…talk about the future….get engaged. And once again, you pay.

You see, at this point, you’re really renting…but you’re paying none-the-less. Here’s where things change. You decide to get married. NOW…not only are you paying, you’ll be expected to pay…forever. Even if you divorce, kids or no kids, you’re paying. You will always pay. I suppose that you can call this getting “played”, but the facts are facts. You will ALWAYS pay in one form or another.

Answer 18: Be a MAN. 5 dates in 3 weeks, you are already in her pants, you are making the decisions on where to go and now you want her to pay. How do you look in a mirror? That means resolve this how you want. If it bothers you, spend less, if it doesn’t, don’t change your habits. Stop worrying about why she does what she does, and do what you want.