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That would depend on how many references you do want to put in... for some people (like me), references are a good easter egg to find in a character profile or series, since it connects you to something familiar. Hell, one can say that we have arrived at a time when it would be pretty difficult to create a new character without unwittingly referencing an object from an earlier work.

off all things I want to think of, this is the only one I can agree with ATM. I don't know why, but IMO it is necessary to have reference to other shows as long as it's not too obvious or people would call it "rip-off".

less talk, more posting!

Spoiler for very long and contains spoiler of future events:

HIKKI KOKURABUJI
Age: 19 in Heart of Melting Blood: The Whistling Gale
Birthday: February 14th
Hair colour: bluish black
Eye colour: green
Height: 171cm
Weight: 69kg
Affiliation: none
Position / Rank in TSAB: none (later: Contract Mage)
Home world: Earth
Device: Halcyon (Intelligent Device)
Device appearance: gauntlets
Magic system: unknown (most possible explanation: “Ancient Knowledge”)
Magic element: wind, time
Magic symbol: pentagon
Magic colour: metallic blue
Partner: none
Personality: Hikki is an ignorant, care-for-nothing person who always thinks of his own head. Despite his attitude, he is very protective toward people he befriends and will not hesitate to use his power to annihilate anything that come to threaten them. At first he likes cosplaying, but after joining Bougainvillea Brigade he begins to have the liking towards bass guitar (The Whistling Gale, Bullet and Blossom, Chapter 6: “I find playing bass a form of therapy to my ears”). Hikki also has a sense of humour and used to set pranks on people by cross-dressing as a girl.

BACKGROUND

Spoiler for click:

In Heart of Melting Blood, Chronograph (short: Chrono) refers to a powerful force that can be used to manipulate time and space dimension. Since Chronograph is highly unstable and tends to send its user berserk, only a hand of people can control the force under their will. It is categorized as an “Ancient Knowledge”.

Despite the notorious magic, Chronomancer is a peace-loving clan and never wants to provoke conflicts with other tribes. Only when under threat will they use Chronograph for defensive purpose.

It was once believed that both Chronograph and Chronomancer clan disappeared from existence when a comet crashed onto their home planet (42nd Administered World -- Narulia), destroying the planet and annihilating all life forms. It would take two millenniums before Chronograph was rediscovered with the birth of Hikki; where it was found was be in the most unlikely of places -- Earth. Due to this, 43-year-old General Frederick Mustang, then leader of Time-Space Administrative Bureau’s 271st Special Force Unit, was asked to lead a detailed investigation on Chronograph. To ensure the secrecy of task, Bougainvillea Brigade was formed in guise of Ukrainian special operation unit to allow all investigations to take place without interference from higher administration level. Their task was to monitor Hikki from distance without making direct contact with the subject, and was forbidden from taking any action until they received direct order from the TSAB.

When Kiev was under attack by Magnolia Warrior Monks, the TSAB granted Bougainvillea Brigade full authority. It was during the event that they rescued Hikki (who had fainted after obliterating the invaders with Chrono Storm) and brought him to their operational HQ in Odessa. They performed cybernetic implants to replace his damaged body parts and even installed a device inside his body to suppress his magic force. Throughout his service as one of the protégés, the brigade never revealed the truth of Chronograph to him (The Whistling Gale, Bullet and Blossom, Chapter 8: “Let time decide when it’s right to expose the truth naked.”). It indeed is a matter of time before Hikki learns the truth (and his destiny as the only living Chronomancer).

During Lyrical of Time events, Hikki regains his Gale Whistlers and Chronomancer skills at the expense of his gunmanship and is decommissioned from Bougainvillea Brigade. At first, Hikki is unable to control his powers due to the cybernetic implants inside his body. He occasionally breaks down or goes berserk, destroying everything on his path without early warnings. He is aware of his status and knows unless he does something about the problem he will be destroyed (or “erased from existence”).

At this point, the Time-Space Administration Bureau takes their initiative. Not willing to allow another “Book of Darkness” incident, three of the bureau’s best agents (Takamachi Nanoha, Fate Testarossa and Yagami Hayate) are sent to investigate the case. They stumble across Hikki, who by now enters Berserk mode, and has to fight them off. At first they are unable to overcome the combined destructive power of Gale Whistlers and Chronograph and have to resort to brute force. Nanoha tries reasoning with her friends and approaches the unstable Hikki in an attempt to negotiate with him. When Hikki doesn’t listen to her Nanoha then uses Starlight Breaker to get him to understand her pleads. To her complete surprise he counterattacks with Chrono Storm and causes the area to be obliterated by time disturbance. The aces are ordered to withdraw, leaving Hikki in miserable state after unleashing 90% of his energy.

After the unfaithful encounter, by chance, Hikki is approached by Fairy Godmother Jentayu, one of the Elders who once led Chronomancer Clan before she joined a terrorist organization for personal reasons (interestingly enough, Hikki is rumoured to originate from the long-lost clan). She tells Hikki that she can help him surviving the atrocity of Chronograph only if he agrees to join her cause, but the headstrong Hikki rejects the offer and claims his power has nothing to do with her objective. Jentayu manages to convince him to accept a device from her, though, and tells him to use it only when he has the absolute reason to do so.

Hikki first uses the device (aptly named Halcyon) when he faces Nagalintar, the supreme commander of the terrorist organization who happens to be his godfather and the Guardian Dragon of Narulia. At first he is unable to fully utilize the device and is easily defeated by Nagalintar (his Chronograph is also taken away, leaving only enough power for his survival). Then, by accident he chants the “unlock hymn” and uses the deployed device to counterattack Nagalintar. Aghast by the twist of event, the Dragon of Time retreats, stating that he will return to avenge the humiliating loss to “flesh and bone creature.”

As time passes by, Hikki learns to harness his Chronograph and Gale Whistler powers and combines it with Halcyon. The learning curves are surprisingly simple as Hikki is a natural-born combatant and already gifted with abilities like Reppuken and Time Halt even before receiving the Intelligent Device. Furthermore, Halcyon looks up at him not only as its master but also partner; flattered by the Intelligence Device’s “openness” Hikki decides to nickname it Halley.

It takes several more days before Nagalintar returns with the intention to kill Hikki. This time, he is fully prepared and ready to accept the dragon’s challenge. At this time, Nanoha, Fate and Hayate are sent to stop the battle but Hikki begs them to let him finish the “personal affair”. Helpless, they can only watch from outside the barrier field as Hikki wins the second battle and even makes Nagalintar eat his own word. The effect of the battle is too much even for the hardy warrior monk to cope with, and he collapses, exhausted and on the brink of death after his Linker Core is used up to replace his Chronograph power.

Nanoha, Fate and Hayate finally manage to undo the barrier spell approach the unconscious Hikki. They are ordered not to question the incident until they bring him back to the headquarters, leaving them with more questions than answers.

As investigations take place, the panel of investigation is intrigued at how and where Hikki got a hand on Intelligent Device and learned all its abilities in unbelievable speed. At first they plan to question Hikki regarding the device until General Armstrong interferes and hands over an envelope with the word “CLASSIFIED” to the head investigator. When the investigators open the envelope, they are shocked to learn that their subject of investigation (Hikki) has an unusually high amount of Linker Core unlocked only after he loses Chronograph power. The document states that Hikki’s Linker is previously undiscovered due to his heavy reliance and comes to existence only after he unlocked Halcyon. Although this may explain why the bureau detected unusual magic reading when Hikki first fought Nagalintar, it still does not explain why his name was in the bureau’s investigation file for 15 years.

Along the “detention time”, Hikki gets to meet other mages and are not very pleased by their cold reception. With the exception of Nanoha, Fate and Hayate, practically everyone in the bureau steers away from him in fear of his Chronograph that no longer exists inside of him. He doesn’t care whether they want to befriend him or not; the fact that he had almost destroyed the world after the “erasure” of Nagalintar is enough for him to play the “lone wolf” role. His heart is touched, though, when some of the young recruits begin admiring him as a father figure (The Whistling Gale: Lyrical of Time, Chapter XX: “Ignoring the officers’ foul cries, he approached the young girl. He knelt next to her, and gave her an affectionate pat on her head. “A strong girl must not cry in front of people,” he spoke in soft intonation.)

After some reconsiderations, added with the recruits’ request to have him stay with them, the bureau decides to assign Hikki with the aces in order to acknowledge him as a Contract Mage.

THE ART OF GALE WHISTLER

Spoiler for click:

Gale Whistler is an ancient form of martial art that allows its user to harness the power of the wind and use it in his fighting style. The term Gale Whistler is fairly generic, as most of the disciples also practice other forms of martial arts, and some of them do not intend of becoming one. Yet they do perfect their ability through learning other forms of fighting and meditation.

Hikki is one of a few people that learn the art’s trademark move Time Halt. This move is very effective and can annul all attacks from any direction. Under certain situation, he is the only person who can link Time Halt into its follow-up moves (Faint and Chrono Cross) as well as enhancing its properties through the usage of Chronograph magic (this is very rare, since no one in Chronomancer Clan has the privilege to learn other martial arts; Hikki is the prime example of how two different abilities can be combined under special circumstances). With Chrono magic invoked, Time Halt can literally stop time on its tracks.

Hikki loses access to Gale Whistler in Gunslinger Gale Arc due to cybernetic implants. Later, though, he regains his magic powers during Lyrical of Time Arc.

POWER

Spoiler for click:

Spoiler:

All of the abilities listed below are obtained after Hikki receives Halcyon from Jentayu.

Hikki is a Combat-type class. Almost all of his techniques are self-taught, much in the same way he learned his fighting styles. What makes him different from the rest of magic users in Nanoha Universe is his ability to neutralize other users’ specialties like area-dominance tactic for speed-oriented Fate or counter moves for melee-type Signum. He is also able to combine Gale Whistler with freehand combat, making him a dangerous opponent in close combat. His command phrase for his shooting abilities is “Execute!”

The instability of Chronograph power forces him to limit magic usage, and the problem further worsens when the power was taken away by Nagalintar during the first encounter. Internally crippled, he makes full use of Halcyon to harness the force of Linker Core and becomes independent off his Chronograph.

After joining the Time-Space Administrative Bureau as a Contract Mage, Hikki’s magical power is ranked at the incredible S. He also has among the highest combat rank with an SS+. However, both ranks are never fully approved as he is considered by the TSAB as “a living time bomb waiting to set off.” Even Hikki finds working with the bureau unpleasant and always stays away from their affair. This is partly influenced by his reluctance to further hurt more people he comes to close contact.

Despite vast traumatic experiences, he is still friendly at heart and easily approached. He never has problem interacting with people, especially the three aces whom he owed for not stepping in between him and Nagalintar. His fatherly instinct (in Heart of Melting Blood, Hikki’s married to a swordswoman) makes him a father figure among young recruits in the bureau. Being a fighter, he is also a great sparring partner and often pays respect to his opponent.

Dico Meus Nomen (Call My Name): Hikki unlocks Halcyon from its seal, and usually his Maelstrom is activated as well. The transformation was intended to be performed with a long password, but Hikki uses this incantation in its full form only once when Halcyon was unlocked for the first time. After that, he replaces the phrase with the command “Heed my word!”

Unbind the Strings: this is Hikki’s personal incantation for Halcyon. This chant is used to access hidden abilities, as well as increasing the Device’s melee attack.

Perception: Hikki uses this ability to observe the battlefield, analysing the opponent’s strengths and weaknesses. Perception is best used in combination with Deadly Rave as it allows Hikki to predict an oncoming attack before counterattacking.

(Translation)
Here lies the soul of the forbidden,
I summon you to come forth,
Bow before me and heed my words,
For you, whom these sealing binds are untied,
Awaken, and become what you truly are!

HALCYON

Spoiler for click:

Official name: Halcyon
Used name: Halcyon
Type: Intelligent Device

Halcyon speaks English despite its Latin “summon phrase”. It has female voice, and addresses Hikki as “captain.” Being an Intelligent Device, Halcyon has some degree of self-awareness and often engages in series of conversation with Hikki.

Sealed: Halcyon takes the form of a medallion in this mode, recognized by inscription of the Device in ancient language (presumably Latin).

Awaken: this is Halcyon in its unlocked form i.e. gauntlets, used for casting spells such as Reppuken or performing melee attacks.

Siren: the most destructive of all forms, Siren Halcyon is extremely unstable and tends to break down in prolonged battle, and because of that it is only used as a last resort. Faint (Dead in Mind) is accessible via this form, usually referred to by the system as “Silent Tempest.”

DEFENSIVE ABILITIES

Spoiler for click:

Maelstrom: Hikki’s suit is a Warrior Monk-type uniform in his trademark white/red colour scheme with buckles with word “EMANCIPATION” carved upon it. This suit is not just the flashy costume, but also refers to an invisible defensive field generated by the costume, reducing or eliminating any serious injury from events such as an impact with a building.

Fortress: Hikki’s first spell. This is Halcyon’s auto-guard magic. Although weak it can deflect attack from all directions.

Phoenix Shield: a powerful barrier magic that can endure prolonged attack. Like its name suggests, it can only guard in one direction.

Bind Break: Hikki tempts to deactivate a binding or imprisoning spell. The amount of time required to deactivate depends on the complexity of the target magic.

Time Halt: combining Gale Whistler’s inescapable reversal with Halcyon’s magic-harnessing capability, Hikki opens a counterattack stance and waits for an opponent to hit. When it connects, Halcyon reacts and ‘freezes’ the opponent on the spot, but unlike Nanoha’s Restrict Lock and Fate’s Lightning Bind ability, the duration time needed to cast Time Halt is close to nil.

Note: Despite its flawlessness, Time Halt does have its drawback. Since it’s a reversal move, and it requires a physical attack to be able to react to, as long as the opponent doesn’t force him to stay turtled, winning a duel against him shouldn’t be hard. Also, during his first battle with Nagalintar, the Dragon of Time forcibly robs 95% of the power out of his body, leaving him with only a fraction of Chronograph power for survival. Because of this, Time Halt is arguably the most tiring spell to execute as it drains almost all of his Linker Core. Without Halcyon’s aide to regulate magic flow magic, performing this move is a certain suicide.

OFFENSIVE ABILITIES

Spoiler for click:

Reppuken & Double Reppuken: Hikki uses Halcyon as an extension to his projectile attacks. It is powerful enough to neutralize Nanoha’s Divine Shooter missiles and Fate’s Arc Sabre, and can be fired many times.

Reppuken Delayed Attack: this is basically a delayed (or “charged”) version of Reppuken & Double Reppuken. This ability may be used for increased damage rating.

Reppuken Feint: Hikki makes up the ‘tossing’ movement without actually firing a projectile. This ability is very best used in close combat, often forcing opponent to make a guess.

Squall Buster: Hikki’s first attack. This is a close/mid-range melee attack that concentrates on destroying barrier-type magic such as Vita’s Triangle Shield. Done on its own, Squall Buster does fair damage on target.

Crescent Typhoon: an area-of-affect attack. Hikki slams the gauntlets into the ground and unleashes powerful sonic booms from the depth of Earth.

Deadly Rave: Hikki first concentrates all magical forces into Halcyon. Then he assaults the opponent with a long, powerful combination of attacks, and finishes the manoeuvre with a gigantic Reppuken. This is the ultimate melee attack, with the ability to penetrate even the strongest barrier magic and can even offset other abilities, although this requires the usage of Perception. This is the most powerful “normal form” attack but Hikki easily gets tired by the expense of magic supply.

Faint: also known as “Dead in Mind”, this attack is available only after Halcyon accesses the powerful yet unstable Siren Mode. It is a follow-up move from Time Halt and can only be performed when the reversal is successful. Due to its volatile nature (in the worst-case scenario, it “erases” its user instead of target), Faint is used only as a last resort.

Even without Halcyon deployed, Hikki can still use all of the above abilities, but he easily becomes tired after casting a spell. Halcyon is required to regulate the flow of his magic force without the risk of overuse, yet even with the device activated some abilities require a lot of power to execute.

Halcyon was severely damaged during Hikki’s second battle with Nagalintar. During the maintenance procedure, not only it requests to be upgraded with Belkan cartridge technology but also humanoid form. It still refers to Hikki as “captain” although it sometimes calls him by his first name. As a humanoid, Halcyon is protective toward its master and doesn’t hesitate to fight anyone who it thinks poses Hikki serious threat.

FORMS:

Spoiler for click:

Sealed: after repaired and upgraded, Halcyon stays as it is, as it had been in its Awaken version (gauntlets). This mode doesn’t have any access to magic attack, being a melee weapon. This setback is supported by its ridiculously high magic defence rating, allowing a fighter to fend off against magic users.

Awaken: this is used for accessing more powerful magic spells as well as enhancing melee attacks’ damage rate. When used to execute energy attacks, Hikki uses a conveyor belt-type Belka cartridge linked to his metal armband.

Jentayu: an even powerful form of Siren yet more stable than its predecessor, this form allows access to Halcyon’s hidden abilities such as Chrono Cross and Fury of the Storm. This is believed to be Halcyon in its Full Drive form. Hikki refers to it as “the lord of avian beings.”

Humanoid: sometimes Halcyon takes humanoid form and can stay in this mode without the risk of over-draining its host’s Linker Core. Humanoid Halcyon is a fierce fighter and will take on anyone. Halcyon can switch to this form anytime it wants to, even during higher-level forms such as Jentayu.

DEFENSIVE ABILITIES

Spoiler for click:

Maelstrom Enhanced: after the upgrade procedure, Maelstrom is equipped with numbers of extra equipments including goggles, reactive-armour cape and other defensive gears. Hikki can now use the combat suit with Halcyon in Sealed Mode.

Super Fortress: a more powerful version of Fortress. This ability permanently replaces Fortress after the upgrade.

Phoenix Wings: an upgraded form of Phoenix Shield, with stronger defence rating and the ability to nullify any melee attack. It still guards from only one direction, however.

Psych Burst: this ability “ignites” Hikki’s outer layer of Storm Shell to neutralize an attack, and is usually instantaneous.

Bind Break: Hikki tempts to deactivate a binding or imprisoning spell. The amount of time required to deactivate spells depends on the complexity of the target magic.

Time Halt: a powerful reversal move with zero-duration casting time, this ability now links to Chrono Cross after the upgrade. It is still dangerous to perform this move even with Halcyon upgraded.

Fatamorgana: this ability, when executed, enhances the caster’s evasion and creates multiple mirror images of the person. How long the mirrors persist depend on how many cartridges are used.

OFFENSIVE ABILITIES

Spoiler for click:

Kami Reppuken: instead of small projectile, Hikki now fires a humongous wall of wind that can knock out five fully-loaded C-5 heavy lifters but can only be fired one at a time. Despite its appearance, Kami Reppuken is categorized as a Shooting-Type attack.

Squall Breaker: a more powerful form of Squall Buster, it is designed to destroy force fields, binding magic (in case Bind Break fails) and illusions. It can even counterattack particle beam-type attacks, as shown during training session when Hikki cancels Nanoha’s Excelion Buster.

Guard Rampage: used in unison with Super Fortress or Phoenix Wings, it functions like a Guard Cancel in that the force of the said barrier is nullified and channelled into Guard Rampage. This creates a shockwave that knocks the attacker away. This ability is best used for counterattacking melee attacks such as Fate Testarossa’s Haken Slash.

Deadly Rave: the upgraded version of Deadly Rave has the attribution where the attack’s strength increases multiple folds on each successful hit. Hikki ends the attack with a powerful gale fist not too dissimilar to Geese Howard’s Deadly Rave’s energy palm.

Fury of the Storm: this attack substitutes Crescent Storm and can shatter even barrier magic. The duration of this attack depends on how much cartridge is spent. Fury of the Storm is available through Jentayu Form.

Chrono Cross: a zero-range attack exclusive to Jentayu Form of Halcyon and used in conjunction with Time Halt. Hikki combines the energy from magic cartridges along with a super-compressed magic energy stored inside Halcyon’s nano-generator. Once it connects, Hikki charges at the stunned opponent and unleashes all energy onto the opponent in a form of cross. This ability can even respond to energy-based attacks, although there is a slight delay between the reaction time and the execution time.

The Whistling Gale: this finisher move is a unique ability that harnesses the force of Chrono magic to “reset” a target. This requires the expense of all magic cartridges as well as collecting and recycling the magical energy left over by previous attacks and dispersed in combat airspace. Like Chrono Cross and Fury of the Storm, The Whistling Gale is only accessible through Jentayu Mode.

Yuuno: do you believe human can actually control time?
Hikki: only in the hands of those chosen by God can time be controlled.
Yuuno: but look at you. You're gifted with the ability. You even manage to... reverse yesterday's event.
Hikki: *shakes head* my power is not a gift. It's... a burden I can never run away from.

Okay, I've changed several stuffs in the profile, especially those that involve Chronograph and Time Halt. If there are anything more, please don't hesitate to inform me.

__________________

Last edited by USB500; 2007-05-11 at 23:36.
Reason: changed the latin phrases and adding extra contents on Background

You bring up some good points dkellis in identifying the difficulties in creating a genuine character, but I think it all depends on how true you want to be to canon. We don't have all of the information on TSAB and I doubt we ever will so there's going to have to be some made up stuff. I would like to know more information on just how TSAB structures it's armed forces, but I'm not really going to wait until that kind of information is revealed and then finally translated. I don't think one should worry about super-accuracy as long as it fits the purpose of the character/story. And if we do get the information in the end, I would just treat whatever I've inferred as AU. I know once why model of TSAB gets blown to shreds I'll make some revisions here and there, but unless you're a perfectionist (maybe you are) I wouldn't stress on that too much.

But then again, I was never aiming for such super-accuracy that my character would be able to seamlessly fit into the canon situation, there's simply not enough information available (to me at least) to approach this task like that.

The age issue can be a problem as well but not everyone can be a super-soldier still in their teens, and the difficulty in relationships between a younger and older generation may be a good theme to explore. I didn't want my character to be too young, I made him 21, and then I realize Chrono in StrikerS is 25 . Granted my character hasn't reached the pinnacle of his career yet, but I don't think age is as big a problem as it seems to be. I'm actually thinking of upping his age, maybe 24.

I do think the references got out of hand though in StrikerS. Mainly when I watch Subaru, I feel like I'm watching a parody anime...
I won't comment on the original characters being created though as every creator here has their tastes.

On a side note, I'm actually going through a 2nd draft phase on the brief introduction to my fic. Hopefully this motivation won't die on me.

Yup. Pretty broken to me. You just had to use time control in making your character. That's the thing that's making him so broken. Time Halt also seems to be practically flawless.

In any case, despite the cheesiness, I like how your character went out. I sometimes tend to not mind overpowered characters as long as a very interesting story is involved. Your background qualifies as very interesting to me. Are you planning on writing his fic anytime soon? I'll be looking forward to it. I'm particularly anticipating the Aces vs Hikki fight.

Yup. Pretty broken to me. You just had to use time control in making your character. That's the thing that's making him so broken. Time Halt also seems to be practically flawless.

In any case, despite the cheesiness, I like how your character went out. I tend to not mind overpowered characters as long as a very interesting story is involved. Your background proved to be very interesting to me. Are you planning on writing his fic anytime soon. I'll be looking forward to it. I'm particularly anticipating the Aces vs Hikki fight.

But still, a little toning down wouldn't be too bad wouldn't it?

Yes, I know it's broken. That's why I'm asking for feedbacks. (gotta repair it a bit after this). I won't be able to update its edit until tomorrow (the thing is, I have exams starting tomorrow; hope I can survive the battlefield )

Actually he's been featured in my previous fanfics, but this will be his final fanfic (Lyrical of Time-wise, though). I must note here that his appearance won't take place until very later.

I have to wonder: how necessary are the references to other fictional universes? I'm wondering if it'll make immersion harder: every time I read about Keroko's Neltharion aspect, for example, I have to remind myself that this is Nanoha, not Warcraft.

But then we have all these automobile references in the canon, and I can only rely on my general lack of automotive knowledge in order to watch the show and not think "car". So I wonder.

They don't need to be necessary, the apect magic was simply an item spawned from my overactive imagination, which was thought of way before I discovered Nanoha was filled with references. I thought it was a cool item to spread my characters wings, make her more unique and give her a drama story, and went for it.

Creating characters is somehwat of a hobby for me. Usually characters I create for my own enjoyment rarely leave my head at all, in fact, Keroko is the first one who will do so... this weekend probably (the currently posted Keroko is a more 'comercial' one, as she hardly affects the plot at all).

-For Kria, the strangest aspect of your character is, to me, the fact that Gigantus seems to work in the direct oposite of any other ID. Now, I'm not sure if you're familiar with the manga (correct me if I'm wrong) but normally Intelligent Devices 'drain' the magical energies emanating from their users. I'm not quite sure of the 'why' myself either -my personal theory is that they use it as their powersource- but to see an intelligent device actually give energy comes of as, well, odd. There's nothing wrong with it, mind you, but a bit more indept explanation as to how it works differently would be cool.

-I love the incantation. I'm going to include Keroko's as well when I finish her.

-I love the incantation. I'm going to include Keroko's as well when I finish her.

if you're referring to my character, I'm flattered. FYI, translating it using the online translator was a pain in the butt. I can't find the decent translator, and I have to modify some of the original texts to make them sound sensible.

Okay, I've changed several stuffs in the profile, especially those that involve Chronograph and Time Halt. If there are anything more, please don't hesitate to inform me.

One problem I have with Ivey is that I've made her too, well, odd in terms of personality. She'd be the "main character" of the story in much the same way Haruhi is the "main character" of MoHS: she's the one with plenty of screentime, but the one whom the audience is actually supposed to identify with is likely to be yet another character who's the tsukkomi to Ivey's bokke. (In fact, I can feel another Original Character idea coming on...) I realize that this may not actually be necessary, but my writing style is too ingrained towards the Serious Put-Upon Narrator (even if it's third-person).

This would work better if there were a larger cast to play off each other's quirks, and while we already have a pre-made cast in the canon crew, this brings up the problem of not actually having an excuse (that isn't completely contrived, anyway) for Ivey to interact with Nanoha and co. for any length of time.

On another note, I've mentioned a few problems I came across when creating a character, and I'd like to elaborate on them here:

Spoiler for length:

- Age. Big one. The Nanoha-verse is filled with super-geniuses at prepubescent ages, such that if I make a character a reasonable mid-twenties, she will likely be shunted to the side as being "too old" to interact with the main cast, who are actually too young. A nineteen-year old may or may not have the same frame of references as a twenty-six-year old, even if that nineteen-year old is the head of a division.

So I have to make a young character, as the Nanoha-verse creators did (Subaru and Teana are just sixteen; I feel old, and I'm only twenty-four; I own coins that are older than sixteen years old). This is not a Bad Thing, as my CCS fanfics would attest: I have a tendency to create young kids with snarky worldviews and overpowered destinies. But still, my mind rebels.

- Locations, both of origin and of occupation. We know that Genya and Ginga are in the 108th something, which implies one hundred and seven more, but with divisions being made and removed and merged, there may be something like just seven left or something. And we don't know what any of those other departments do. I want to have Ivey in a competent but slightly undesirable department whose official capacity is in investigating and apprehending middle-ranking criminals: what is the unit name?

Also, we have Earth. And we have Midchilda. And... we know nothing about any other worlds. Earth is the "97th Non-Administered World", which implies, once again, 96 more. And then there are other worlds which are Administered, which I would assume means under TSAB jurisdiction. Which still tells us nothing, even about what being under TSAB jurisdiction means.

- Timeline affecting screentime. Now, I admit that this may be moot by the time StrikerS ends, but for now, it is tentatively valid.

StrikerS takes place ten years after A's (or most of the events in it, anyway). Any children in StrikerS were not in A's. Any children in A's are now teenagers at least. The dynamics have changed.

Anyone on Earth will not have much "screentime", so to speak, in StrikerS. For example, let's say I want to create a character who has a crush on Fate. He's not magical, and he's just an acquaintance at most to her.

In A's, this character is most likely Fate's (and Nanoha's) classmate, and from Earth. In StrikerS, this character is most likely a Midchildan working in the TSAB. I cannot easily write a character from Earth who has a crush on Fate in StrikerS, since that would require him to travel all the way to Midchilda for some reason or other, which would probably mean that he has magical talent of some sort.

So if I want to make a StrikerS character, I have to make him or her Midchildan, or something like that. The "mundane from Earth" route is, if not closed, then made very difficult. (Heck, I don't even know if I can write in Arisa and Suzuka, much less a Random Friend.)

- References. We know that they're there. Subaru is more or less a walking mecha reference. But how blatant should they be? Should it just be in feel and vague obscurities, or should it be named outright?

After all this whining, I'll have to thank anyone who read all that, and ask: how would you solve the above problems? Or do you have any comments on them?

Sadly, I'm the canon-perfectionist. I tried to get my hands on every single piece of official Nanohaverse media to make sure everything fit, but I never knew Fate's real past was revealed in a light novel. And so for 2 years now I've gone on my merry way, built that awesome portfolio with a character that grew until he became me, and suddenly, it's back to the drawing board.

BUT after that whine, I'm inspired to get things right this time.

I don't normally reference more than once for a character. Kha was a special case cos it was based on my love to reference anything and everything under the sun. loli Nanoka was CLAMP reference heavy because she was ported from an older character set in the CCS universe. Tessa is one big reference herself for kicks. If its an OC grown fully from canon material, he/she would have next to zero references.

I agree with Lowe. Kha's weapon design was based on crude, rudimentary but nonetheless original schematics from my primary school days (ah that yellow parchment), but in the end it turned out to be a cousin of Strada.

For age, I find no problem. In fact, I find the Nanohaverse the perfect place to follow someone's life right through the ages without feeling like I'm worshiping the character in delusion. Hence why I can even imagine a Mahou Seijo Classical Nanoha without feeling funny while a Cardcaptor Sakura at that age spooks me.

For the most of it, I go by this principle: As long as its not mentioned specifically in canon, you can play with it. After that, pray that later canon doesn't contradict you. Nanoha's probably my first anime that I've written a main-cast interacting fic and every day I'm just living in fear of being contradicted. And part of the reason is that I never expected StrikerS to be released, otherwise I would've never started.

My favorite approach to writing fanfics a non-concluded series is to do it as a side story, opening up a new POV on an existing conflict. If my weird "self-promoting" short stories were anything to go by (I only started using my pseudonym Kha IRL after landing in Australia and discovering all the weird permutations of my real name.), it was the A's arc that explored the Knights' softer sides while developing the main character that was most well-received. The others were almost totally about Kha and didn't qualify as a Nanoha fanfic, but an unoriginal parallel series.

And another thing: I got to admit every time someone here states their stand on OC creation, my mind just creates a mold in line with his statements. For Skane, I got a normal girl character trying to keep up with her colleagues. For Nighty, I've gained an old Ancient Velka knight with a dark secret who wanders the universe as one of TSAB's best free agent but due to canon evidence was killed in time for StrikerS, Tomino-style. And for dkellis, you have inspired me to craft a char fully devoid of references, perfectly straight, totally without canon interaction but set in the same universe, and somehow she turned into the most Nagato character I've ever created. Probably from all the restrictions I placed on her. But don't get me wrong; I'm not lampooning anyone here; I just do it naturally. In fact, I thank you, for this session so far has added so much variation to my cast.

Oh and the muggle character you mentioned who has a crush with Fate? It's right here on paper. It was first person, and hence he's nameless. But it wasn't very hard; I just wrote it from my RL POV. LOL

if you're referring to my character, I'm flattered. FYI, translating it using the online translator was a pain in the butt. I can't find the decent translator, and I have to modify some of the original texts to make them sound sensible.

Just out of curiosity, is that latin?

And Halcyon... Star Wars reference? I do see some interesting potential for conflict between Nozdorumu and Nagalintar (Nagalintar wouldn't happen to be a bronze collored dragon, would he?)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kha

Sadly, I'm the canon-perfectionist. I tried to get my hands on every single piece of official Nanohaverse media to make sure everything fit, but I never knew Fate's real past was revealed in a light novel. And so for 2 years now I've gone on my merry way, built that awesome portfolio with a character that grew until he became me, and suddenly, it's back to the drawing board.

I know the feeling, Keroko still keeps changing every time. One of the reasons why I hardly ever put anything on paper.

And Halcyon... Star Wars reference? I do see some interesting potential for conflict between Nozdorumu and Nagalintar (Nagalintar wouldn't happen to be a bronze collored dragon, would he?)

Yes, it's Latin.

Halcyon is more of Alcyone reference. I'm not sure of what you're trying to ask regarding Nagalintar, but it's actually my original dragon for one of my fantasy stories (which, sadly, never becomes alive). Its role in my current story is as the Dragon of Time, Eternal Guardian of Planet Narulia. It plays important role in Hikki's life (it's in effect his god-father) before the twist of fate decides the otherwise.

cool. that should be inspiring enough for me to write a prequel for Nagalintar. (too bad I haven't got the time to visualize it; it would be awesome to have Nagalintar drawn, wouldn't it?).

Ah, so the Aspect Dragons come from there? No wonder I saw the name "Deathwing."

I think working on my three characters (Annabelle, L****** G*******, and Hikki) has caused me too much strength. I'll have to take a break to allow my brain to recover, and also to allow me to concentrate on tomorrow's exam. Speaking of which, does our three Aces ever need to take examinations?

Actually, not really. Graham is my favourite Nanoha-verse character after al and even though I love to torture my main characters, I like happy endings as well, but canon implies he never married, which = screwed love life. It's the writer's fault, not mine! All I did was...give out my version of his screwed love life.

It's so hard being canon perfectionist isn't it, especially when one wants to tie in with the flowing timeline.

The recent revelations of revisiting Fate's past with Project F also pretty much half-destroyed my foundations for Corsa "ZONE" Testarossa...as you can expect it, Fate's biological father. Just as his name implies, his powers are somewhat similar to Tezuka Zone from Prince of Tennis, and he has a huge hulking monster of a sword to boot. And he's broken as hell either. Who knows, if StrikerS chooses to be elusive on her father, then I'll post it.

@Kha

I find funny that my characters inspire an old Velka Knight with dark secrets wandering, since in my Velka AtaraXia Romance planned sequel fic, it has exactly THAT.

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Night~and~Gale: ~ The Final Mythology of the Man who Defied Destiny.The sleeping lion shall awaken beyond the depths of time, crossing ten billion lights, come to Terra.

It is kinda of bad to be over-referencing, but then again you can't stop us from loving to do so!

Quote:

Originally Posted by USB500

I think working on my three characters (Annabelle, L****** G*******, and Hikki) has caused me too much strength. I'll have to take a break to allow my brain to recover, and also to allow me to concentrate on tomorrow's exam. Speaking of which, does our three Aces ever need to take examinations?

L**** G****? Lowe Gear?

Yes they do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by USB500

Yes, it's Latin.

Halcyon is more of Alcyone reference. I'm not sure of what you're trying to ask regarding Nagalintar, but it's actually my original dragon for one of my fantasy stories (which, sadly, never becomes alive). Its role in my current story is as the Dragon of Time, Eternal Guardian of Planet Narulia. It plays important role in Hikki's life (it's in effect his god-father) before the twist of fate decides the otherwise.

Correcting the grammar using what I've learned for that dead language, the summons becomes:

I balked when I saw them being used as the Aspects rather than the D&D ones. At least these guys give more variety than choosing between acid and fire.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nightengale

Haha...people are sad seeing Flora die.

JUST AS PLANNED!:P

Actually, not really. Graham is my favourite Nanoha-verse character after al and even though I love to torture my main characters, I like happy endings as well, but canon implies he never married, which = screwed love life. It's the writer's fault, not mine! All I did was...give out my version of his screwed love life.

It's so hard being canon perfectionist isn't it, especially when one wants to tie in with the flowing timeline.

The recent revelations of revisiting Fate's past with Project F also pretty much half-destroyed my foundations for Corsa "ZONE" Testarossa...as you can expect it, Fate's biological father. Just as his name implies, his powers are somewhat similar to Tezuka Zone from Prince of Tennis, and he has a huge hulking monster of a sword to boot. And he's broken as hell either. Who knows, if StrikerS chooses to be elusive on her father, then I'll post it.

@Kha

I find funny that my characters inspire an old Velka Knight with dark secrets wandering, since in my Velka AtaraXia Romance planned sequel fic, it has exactly THAT.

Ah well join the club of authors... I'm reconstructing Kha's relationship with Alicia according to the novel, and hence its turning into some sort of loli-shouta Four and Camille thingy, with Presea and Alicia on one side and Kha and his "exploiter" on the other side of the industrial arguement. At least that's what I'm thinking, I still need to confirm with Darco if my understanding of the Chinese trans is correct.

Errrrrr... Oops have you mentioned it before? Sorry if I ripped something off. :P

I read your statement of your liking of older characters when that guy popped into my head. He has now been given a role as I realized that Kha didn't have a mentor to teach him the ways of the Velka. In fact on hindsight Kha 'spontaneously' specialized into Velka right smack in the middle of MC, and that seemed plain wrong now. As for that dark secret... Wait for the Lyri-Kha short stories? OMG corny title...

-For Kria, the strangest aspect of your character is, to me, the fact that Gigantus seems to work in the direct oposite of any other ID. Now, I'm not sure if you're familiar with the manga (correct me if I'm wrong) but normally Intelligent Devices 'drain' the magical energies emanating from their users. I'm not quite sure of the 'why' myself either -my personal theory is that they use it as their powersource- but to see an intelligent device actually give energy comes of as, well, odd. There's nothing wrong with it, mind you, but a bit more indept explanation as to how it works differently would be cool.

The drain is speculated was for training, not for actual use, so I don't see any contradiction.

Although there is more evidence to support the latter, since reading through the text, there's no real link between training, and the energy drain.

And I believe we're going OT here sure enough.

And to return to this topic's original purpose, here's Part II of Kay's Spell list:

Spoiler for Length:

Biography of Kaylin “Kay” Mathis: Complete Spell List Part II

The second most important device in Kay’s arsenal is the Armed Device Galatea, with a history quite different from Khaydarin’s, which was a custom-made device.

Galatea was first encountered by Kay on Year 70 inside an ancient Belkan armory on the outskirts of the Lombarda, north of Arcea. To her surprise Kay was ambushed by an armored Knight wielding a massive broadsword, apparently going berserk. The Knight was finally subdued after running through several hastily assembled tripwires that Kay had laid down at the vault entrance to ward off intruders. The broadsword transformed into a katana, and for Kay’s second surprise, there was nobody inside the suit of armor – at which point the sword, Galatea revealed himself. Galatea revealed that “he” had been given guard duty at the vault 800 years ago when their Belkan masters stored their most powerful weapons inside, for fear of their arsenal being discovered after they were forced to abandon the site following a retreat. The blade had been given that duty due to his unique ability to control the movement of any inaminate object or person that she comes into contact with. Unfortunately, this same ability was degrading Galatea’s magic-based program, as it had no linker core with which to draw power in performing this ability, and thus was forced to cannibalize on the meager magic used by its computer core. With centuries of service to masters that had abandoned him, Galatea’s overuse of this ability had left his Linker Core badly corrupted, and his last battle with Kay had left his program terminally damaged. Despite Kay’s attempts at data restoration and magic energy transference, Galatea’s program was beyond repair, and it would be only a matter of time before the program would eventually collapse. Throughout this ordeal, Galatea had befriended Kaylin’s then young AIs, especially the cranky Asuka, and after it was clear that Kay’s skills would not be able to save him, Galatea had requested for the last usable remnants of her combat and spells programs integrated into Asuka’s programming, and also to have the device in which he resided in reformatted – an act that would totally delete the damaged AI, much to the vehement protests of Asuka and her siblings. In the end, Kay and her AI’s complied with Galatea’s wishes, and Asuka was transplanted into the sword to act as its new AI, while keeping the original name of the weapon in honor of their lost friend.

In its current incarnation, this device takes the form of a katana, with a pistol clip type cartridge system at the hilt, with each magazine holding 12 .22 caliber magic rounds each. Despite being a Belkan armed device designed for close combat magic, Galatea is used more as a “caster” sword, using Midchilda-based ranged and support magic due to Kay’s preferences. It is programmed with a plethora of sonic-based attacks and spells, which Kay uses for all sorts of utility and defense functions. Asuka, Kaylin’s combat AI, is responsible for the spellcasting and combat management functions of Galatea, and she can use spells and abilities that she gained when the original AI’s programs were integrated into Asuka.

As a result, Kaylin can use Galatea’s ability to control objects and people, aptly named Possession. When used, this ability allows Galatea to gain complete faculty of Kaylin’s motor functions, while still keeping Kay in control. Kay utilizes this ability to significantly enhance her shoddy sword fighting skills, turning her into an able swordswoman by letting Galatea use her own body for fighting. And unlike the case with Galatea’s original AI, Asuka can draw on Kay’s linker core for power, ensuring that Asuka does not share the fate of the original Galatea. Complete trust must be present when performing this spell, as Asuka has the possibility of pushing Kay’s body too far in physical combat; constant communication is thus vital for the spell to be useful in a real combat situation. When in Possession, Kay’s hair changes from chocolate brown to Maroon, and she gains a translucent white jacket cape, which acts as her close combat barrier jacket.

Asides from Possession, Galatea can be used to cast short ranged sonic spells and abilities, which are listed in the following:

- Disorient Wave: This area spell targets the inner ears of people within a 40 meter radius, causing them to lose their sense of orientation and balance; targets experience vertigo, nausea, and extreme motion sickness, even when standing still. This spell is not typically used in combat, and is not used often, as Kay has to let the spell run for a few moments before any noticeable effects manifest themselves, leaving her vulnerable to attack (Also, this spell can be incredibly messy when used in a densely populated space, as mass vomiting and expectoration is sure to follow…). Also, despite being the caster Kay herself can be affected by this spell, and thus has to wear ear protection, handily provided by Khaydarin.

- Disorient Blast: A more combat oriented version of Disorient Wave, this ability uses a shockwave produced via a straight, stabbing motion to deliver the effects of the previous spell in a single direction. Easier to use and much more effective in combat than Disorient Wave, this spell nonetheless requires more energy than the former spell to cast, and it only has a maximum effective range of 10 meters, a quarter the radius of the previous spell. Despite its limitations, it’s still Kay’s preferred ranged attack in standard combat situations.

(Asuka notes that Kay prefer's calling this move "Zankantou Denkousekka" for some reason...)

- Liquefaction: This vibration-based ability allows Kay to liquefy objects by stabbing Galatea into the target. Galatea then sends out nanomolecular oscillations in the target’s molecular structure, completely turning even the most solid objects into molten slags of liquid. This ability requires prolonged contact between the target object and Galatea depending on the size of the object to be liquefied, limiting its applications in combat; as such, it is used more for “soft” excavations, when blasting is not an option. Also, due to its relative silence it is much better suited for stealthy infiltrations of fortified structures.

- Sonic Breaker Stab: A more powerful version of Liquefaction, this attack works on the same principle, but with increased power output, resulting in the object shattering explosively instead of liquefying. More effective in combat than its slower counterpart spell, Sonic Breaker is used to shatter heavy armor or blast through solid objects quickly.

- Lullaby: Using low frequency infrasonic waves emitted from Galatea’s blade, Kay can slowly induce people in the surrounding area to sleep. As with Disorient Wave, this spell has to be active for several moments before any desirable effects are noticed, and as with the former spell Kay has to wear ear protection to protect her from the effects of this spell. This spell is used more often than Disorient Wave, despite its higher energy consumption.

- Dome of Silence: Galatea can create a soundproof barrier in a small area that prevents sounds from coming in or out of the barrier. Sound waves can still travel inside the barrier, thus this spell is useful in providing privacy from eavesdropping, and is also used to silence any stray noise Kay might make when trying to hide from potential enemies.

- Dome of Solitude: Similar in principle to the Dome of Silence, the Dome of Solitude also silences sounds created inside the barrier, leaving the area inside completely silent. As a firm believer in meditation, Kay uses this spell in her sessions to better concentrate. This spell can also be used to silence guards or sentries, since like Dome of Silence this spell prevents sounds from getting in or out of the barrier.

- Zankantou Daisharin: One of Kay’s few physically oriented attacks, this move has Kay pulling back Galatea behind her, then throwing it like a boomerang to hit distant opponents. As Asuka notes (with much embarrassment), Kay has the habit of voicing out various attack yells in the language called Japanese (from the 97th Non-Administered World) during this move, especially the line “Tobe! Hien no Gotoku! Zankantou! Dai Sha Rin!!!” before launching the blade.

To this day, Galatea is still Kay’s most favored weapon, with Asuka performing admirably in combat against various enemies. However, both Kay and Asuka are still trying to unlock Galatea’s final mystery: it’s Full Drive mode, which was the first form of Galatea they had faced in combat.

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On Sickness: "Like someone filled my journal with junk data and then set it to defragment and gave me the lowest priority possible."