Finding Inner Strength

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Hi there! First of all, don’t be put off by the large picture of me in front of you. I’m not that much of an egomaniac, but I am a novice at Mail Chimp and don’t have a great logo. Yet. Remember “Murphy Brown”? She was never able to keep a secretary? Same with logos and me. I lack the skill to design my own, but cannot get someone else to meet my needs (PS. If any of you are graphic designers, email me. We’ll talk).

I am freshly back from For Love of Books and Florida 2017, held at the OMG SERIOUSLY swank Ritz-Carlton of Sarasota. The For Love of Books and Alcohol blog put on the event and they did a bang-up job. If you see a “For Love of Books and ____” near you, go. Don’t hesitate, either as a reader or an author. The big blue blob in the picture below (on the left. You can’t miss me) is happy and smiling (and the boot is broken toe due to tripping over a dog toy).

I have been lackadaisical about marketing and engagement. I could blame my day job, but as I say to people who don’t follow up on promises (and I say it in a nasty tone), “If it was a priority, you would have found a way.” The truth of the matter is that I’d rather wave a magic wand and “Bippity boppity boo” a completed novel into existence than do the actual work (come to think of it, if I had a magic wand, I’d be freaking dangerous). Sloth is tied for Gluttony in the Favorite Sin category.

I want to write more, be read more, earn a living (or supplement income) through creative endeavors.

I’m asking a favor: I need reviews. On Goodreads, on Amazon, on other outlets like Barnes & Noble. Amazon may be the 800 lb. gorilla, but they’re not the only seller of books.

Monique needs some love. Susan has over 1,000 followers, but Monique only has 55 (was 56 on Friday. I lost someone).

We’ll get to Twitter and Instagram later.

Okay, I need volunteers to read and review. “These Foolish Things” is a full novel. “Patti Goes to the Dungeon” is a short story under 6,000 words (take you about 20 minutes).

I make healing bracelets, matching gemstones up to particular needs. And they’re pretty, don’t you think?

So…

If you like both pages, read and review both books on a seller’s site (Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Powells, the big guys) and send me a link to it, I will draw a name and the winner will receive a custom-made bracelet in the size and color of the winner’s choosing. This is a $50 value.

Got to finish up because “Game of Thrones” came on, but I mean it: If you will help me out, I’ll give you freebies and first shots.

First off, my books (and the upcoming “Patti Goes to the Dungeon by Monique DeSoto) are featured in “Affaire de Couer” magazine. Here’s the link. You know, at $1.99, $.99, and $.99, you can have hours of enjoyment, spend less than coffee at Starbucks (and not have the burnt taste), and not have the caffeine jitters.

On the “Learn the Hard Way” front, let me share some newly-acquired wisdom:

You can only send ARCs out once through Bookfunnel. Once. Uno. Une. Eins. That is, if you create a campaign, you’ve got to have all your email addresses together and listed before hitting “send” because, like being Jeopardy and losing, it’s a one shot deal (trust me. Been there. Done that. Got the pens and reusable shopping bag). Line up the mallards, Kids, THEN send them. Can’t send them a few at a time or even just one then come back. Annoyed sigh. Some people are born to be shining models. I’m more of a cautionary tale.

And finally, I’m going to be reviewing books in this space (I have TWO tall stacks. The Two Towers). I know you’re all thrilled.

Monday, Feb 13, 2017 (or 13 Feb, 2017 for other parts of the world) at 7 PM Eastern Standard Time, I will be available to answer your questions, make you ask your phone why the chicken crossed the road, and get silly, if you’re so inclined.

The fabulous ladies of Bookrhythm are hosting and there will be fun, prizes, and silliness. Please join me.!

You get the rock star moments of people asking for your autograph and posing for pictures with you. And getting a glowing review online is an ego boost. (You want to frame them) the pans are not as much fun, but you hope there’s a nugget of wisdom i there to help you become a better write rather than just, “This book sucked balls” or “Why is a fat woman writing about skinny people? She should stick to what she knows.” (So help me God, this is a paraphrase of an actual review that another author got. Kind of makes me want to slap the reviewer into a PET scan machine and see what’s in her brain pan, if anything)

You get to do things like this:

Or you get a moment like this:

(I don’t know if Mrs. Obama read them, but I sent copies to the White House)

Cool, right?

Listen, I wrote my book(s. I took one and divided it) back in 2001. Zuckerberg hadn’t dropped out of Harvard. Or even been accepted. Twitter hadn’t hatched. E books were not a thing. At that point, you got an agent and/or a publisher. Self publishing was through companies like Xlibris and pretty expensive. Books coming through vanity presses like Xlibris got no respect. Reviews were only available through newspapers and magazines by established critics.

The world has changed. One can self-publish for free through Createspace (Amazon. Jeff Bezos doesn’t miss a trick). Self-published authors are making New York Times, USA Today, and Amazon best seller lists. Readers, rather than a small group of critics, post reviews through Amazon, Goodreads, the online sites for Barnes & Noble and other booksellers.

Sounds like one just pushes a button and sits back, sort of like the Jetsons, right?

WRONG!

The ease of publication has made it possible for anyone to publish. And they do. Millions of titles, including dinosaur bestiality porn (I kid you not).

Getting your works noticed is like. Horton Hears a Who.”

You’ve got to make yourself heard.

So far, I’ve done signing events, a blog tour (you pay someone to line up book review blogs to feature you and your babies for a day), sales, learning how to make teasers to post on Twitter, like this:

Yeah, I’ve got a sale going on. Go buy e books. And leave a review.

I’ve even learned how to make shortened links on bit.ly so they’ll fit on Twitter.

There is Authorgraph?, where you can get a personalized message from me on your Kindle! (Or Nook! Kobo! You get the idea) (go make a request)

I have learned terms like “ARC (Advanced Reading Copy)”, “street team,” “beta reader,” and “fucking pirate sites.” (Now we have algorithms pulling titles and books from Amazon to offer for free or just as a tease to download malware onto greedy and unsuspecting computers). I’ve also heard of software like Scrivenr (it’s writing software. If you let it, it posts your word count on Facebook) and promotional items are called swag.

I don’t have any of those things (except the swag. I have some swag). I have a beta reader in my editor, who’s a friend from college. I am my street team. As for ARCs, given the Facebook posts about getting watermarks and trying to secure the copies to prevent them being up,order to pirate sites (or getting the watermark so one can identify the fucker who uploads it), ain’t nobody getting advanced copies except the editor. It’s her job.

The fact that writing the book isn’t the end of the process has been a huge wake up call. Is writing novels (and other material for publication) how I want to support myself? Absolutely.

It’s still a learning process.

And just a reminder: WE ARE HERE! An author’s an author, no matter how small (the sales).