I don’t know about you, but I was beyond shocked to learn recently that Macaulay Culkin had been using Mila Kunis as his personal play thing for years, until, that is, he tossed her out to the curb like a wilting Christmas tree on New Year’s Day.

However, the shock I felt upon learning about that little slice of horror pales in comparison to the shock I’m feeling right now after being confronted with evidence by Redditor “Zaymo” — shown above – that Culkin may be the secret lovechild of Ryan Gosling and Steve Buscemi.

So. Many. Questions.

For instance, did some mad scientist create Culkin using DNA from Gosling and Buscemi in a lab or something? Or does Steve Buscemi secretly have lady parts, making him the male celebrity answer to Jamie Lee Curtis? Did Buscemi leave Culkin on his stoop at some point, just like all the other stuff he doesn’t want? WE DEMAND ANSWERS!