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How To Get a Guy To Talk To You Without Saying a Word

Bravo TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger once told me that when it comes to meeting men, we want to get them to come talk to us without having to speak. “He who speaks first is male,” warned Patti, “so you want to be feminine energy.”

Whether you’re aiming to give off feminine energy only, or you’re shy, or you’re in a really loud club, or you’re just plain in a foreign country where few people speak your language (like me—I’m in Brazil right now), it’s good to know how to get a guy to come to you without saying a word.

It’s amazing how people react when you hold up a camera in a crosswalk.

Play the damsel in distress On my flight to Rio, I sat in the back with a bunch of deportees. (When we landed, there was an announcement that anyone without a passport or visa had to wait while we deplaned. I thought, Who comes to a foreign country without papers? That’s when I heard about the U.S. Marshals and the handcuffs back at JFK.) Anyway, I’d been surrounded by a lot of rowdy guys speaking Portuguese, so I just kept to myself.

But when I reached for my bag in the overhead compartment, a few of the guys helped me get it down. And then I attempted to stuff my jacket into the bag and zip it up, and I tried about fifty times. The guy next to me reached over, shoved my jacket in with great force, and zipped it easily. I thanked him with a nod. (You know, New Yorkers are so used to minding their own business, it’s refreshing when other people help you out!) Sometimes you don’t have to do anything flirtatious to get attention; just struggle—visually! Then, if these guys weren’t about to be escorted by the police, you could thank the cutest one and ask him where he’s going then maybe share a taxi, get a drink, etc.

Smile Only a few signs are universal: it’s hot (fan the hand), smile, I’m choking. Men just need a little encouragement. If you can make eye contact, smile at them. If they’re available and interested, they’ll come over. I remember just smiling at a guy in a bar once; it was like he’d been waiting for a green light because he came over immediately and we ended up dating for three months.

Use your eyebrows People in general aren’t that expressive. They look like Mona Lisa when they try to smile. Look in a mirror and smile. Then smile and lift your eyebrows. It brightens your face. You might feel cheesy, but I swear guys really respond to expressive women. Also, in theater, I learned that the one thing people can see from far away is your eyebrows. So lift ‘em up! Even in a dim bar.

Try winking Winks get a bad rap for being cheesy; that’s why they’re so underused. A wink really catches a person off-guard, which makes it super effective. I swear, you wink at someone and that person cannot believe you winked. Down in Rio, my friend Melissa got a wink from the cabana boy after he’d been mute all week. She was absolutely delighted. Then there’s always the Slow Wink, a move I patented, which involves a shoulder roll and a toss of the head. It’s embarrassing but it does the job.

Know when to give up If you make eye contact with a cute guy and you appear to be open, friendly, and inviting, and he still doesn’t come over, you probably don’t want to waste your time going after him. He knows something you don’t—like, that he’s not interested or he’s married. Of course there aren’t plenty of exceptions, but I like the men who are hunters. That’s just me.

Have you ever lured a man in without speaking? It makes you feel pretty powerful, doesn’t it? Or do you always make the first move?