If Classic Monsters Were From Maryland

By Eva Niessner

One of the most fun parts of celebrating Halloween is getting to watch movies with all of your favorite ghouls, goblins and things that go bump in the night. After all, there's a reason that the quintessential Halloween song is the Monster Mash -- who doesn't love thinking about partying with monsters on the scariest holiday of the year? But as great as those creatures all are, we can't help but feel like there's something missing...something....Maryland-y. Those beasts would be even better if they had a little more Maryland pride!

Let's get creepy!

Take Frankenstein's monster, for instance. If he were a little more Maryland, he would come to life not through harnessing lightning, but by harnessing the power of Maryland's constantly-changing weather. By using science to take advantage of days that start out at 40 degrees and warm up to over 80, our updated monster would spring to life! He'd need a great Route One Apparel shirt to distract from that ghastly green skin, and instead of a mob wielding pitchforks, he'd be scared of an even worse gathering -- morning traffic on Interstate 83.

Or we could add a Maryland spin to the legend of the werewolf. But there aren't a lot of wolves around these parts -- instead, we'd have to be on the lookout for the infamous were-Terp. When the moon is full and the weekend has arrived, ordinary people suddenly descend on parties in the College Park area, transformed, just temporarily, into Terps -- even if they aren't actually UMD students. (Hey, it's fun to visit your friends or go cheer for the sports teams even if you went elsewhere!)

Okay, so this one is a box turtle, but we're loving the Halloween pattern on this guy!

We can't forget the classic vampire, of course. Maybe garlic repels the vampire of Eastern European tradition, but the Maryland vampire is attracted to seasoning -- Old Bay, specifically. He may need an invitation to get into your house, but if your crab feast is going to be outside, he'll have no problem showing up after dark to help himself to some juicy claw meat. Oh, what, you thought this vampire sucked blood? Think again -- he survives on a steady diet of steamed crabs, Berger cookies and Boh, and he's not above using his hypnotic powers to make sure you give him some.

Finally, we've got the tried-and-true Halloween creature -- the ghost. Generally, ghosts hang around because they have some unfinished business. A Maryland ghost might be searching for the long-lost Baltimore Colts, or maybe they were cursed to wander the land until construction on 695 was done (so, uh, they're gonna be here awhile). Getting proof of these ghosts is no easy task, but you can sometimes get their spectral voices on tape saying things like "Hey hon" -- evidence that cannot be disputed!

What Maryland monsters can you dream up? Let us know in the comments, or on social media!