Wade Suspended for Breaking a Window

Victorian Bushrangers Captain Mathew Wade was fined and suspended today for breaking a dressing room window in his team’s loss to Queensland in the Matador BBQ Cup.

Wade is not exactly a clean skin, having been also punished last year after being the first ever player convicted of pitch tampering.

The window was broken after Wade threw a water bottle at an esky after being dismissed. The water bottle deflected off the esky and smashed into the window, causing the damage.

“I didn’t even see it coming. It happened so fast” said the window in question.

‘I’m shattered.’

When the window was asked whether he thought a one match suspension and a fine of 50% of Wade’s match fee was appropriate, it said:

‘I intend to appeal the sentence with Cricket Australia. This type of indiscriminate behavior should not be tolerated.

If the tables were turned and I had broken Wade, they would have replaced me with double glazing immediately. The penalty is nowhere close to what it should be‘.

Wade, for his part, was dismissive of his role.

‘I was only playing catch with the esky. It was probably careless to do so in the dressing room, but is it my fault that the esky can’t catch?’

The esky involved sniped back when confronted with Wade’s explanation of the incident.

‘Wade said I can’t catch did he? Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.’

An interesting twist to the story is that the Victorian team management dobbed their skipper into Cricket Australia.

Cricket Victoria’s Chief Executive Tony Dodemaide explains:

‘At Cricket Victoria, we are always looking to remain at the forefront of man management practices.

We have learnt from ex English coach Andy Flower that if you don’t want someone in the team, that it is easy to make life hard for them by doing things like this.

That’s not to say that we don’t want Matthew in the team. However, it was a perfect opportunity to test out the theory just in case Kevin Pietersen gives us the shits this summer playing for the Melbourne Stars.’