Monday, October 23, 2006

Kinky – No Eighth Dwarf

Wringing her bony hands, Kerry Healey frets over the third-party and no-party gubernatorial candidates. It's bad enough that she trips over her nearly blank résumé and lack of platform.

That Loki of a candidate, independent Christy Mihos taunts her right into her veneered hair. Then the much smarter hippy type Green/Rainbow Grace Ross calls out her big promises/no revenue pledges. Woe to our North Shore Bobblehead, when three candidates put the lie to her puffery simultaneously.

Even she has become aware that the joke has shifted. During the campaign for Democratic gubernatorial nominee, the big, swinging liberals and the DINO went at each other, spending down their funds and delighting our Baroness of Beverly. It is far less amusing to her when she sees her moderates skipping to Christy's, not for a Slurpee, but to vote.

How could it be any worse?

Well, Kerry, you might be running for governor in Texas. That's how.

Imagine you are the smarmy incumbent Republican Rick Perry. You have five other candidates daring to challenge you. Your only hope is that they draw enough of the liberal and moderate votes from each other to let you sneak in with a plurality. Several have moderately long shots at what should have been your easy re-election.

One of those candidates has turned from novelty to contender, that being Independent Kinky Friedman, formerly backed up on his CDs by his Texas Jewboys band. The others are:

Kinky though, has as much a platform as the other guys. Check his site. It starts glibly with "Why the Hell Not?" but then details what he'd like to accomplish.

Strayhorn too is a lesser contender. She is more honorable, more honest and smarter than Perry. Of course, the Republican Party refused to support the woman who calls herself "one tough grandmother." She turned Independent out of indignation.

Check the Financial Times for a good profile of Friedman...and those others. Check Juanita's (The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.) for updates on Perry and his buddy Tom DeLay. Be aware she does not appreciate Kinky's, well, kinkiness. Finally, for Kinky in person and video on the race, try the Texas Monthlyfeature page on him.

The FT says Bell asked Friedman to step aside -- "There's a chance he is going to be a spoiler." In response, Kinky said his supporters don't normally vote. Get lost.

University of Houston political scientist Richard Murray agrees with Bell. The interlopers "are likely to break up the anti-Perry vote," he said. However, Strayhorn has been mainstream Texas for a long time and figures she can pick up most of those against Perry.

Back in Boston, Deval Patrick is not going to be chain smoking cigars and cracking dirty jokes, as Kinky does. I doubt Patrick owns a single cowboy hat.

Kerry Healey may moan about the utter unfairness of anyone running against her, much less a Democrat with a real CV and fleshed-out platform. Next she can turn to keening over Mihos and Ross dogging her.