North Korea Announces Invasion of the United States

Posted by
Toa Nidhiki05
,
Apr 01 2013
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PYONGYANG, DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF KOREA - Kim Jong-un, the Supreme Leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK), has announced with much fanfare that the mighty People's Navy of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (PNDPRK) will invade the United States. The boat, manned by skilled Korean soldiers, will be launched today and is scheduled to land in America some time in the next 24 months; in a show of support, Supreme Seader Kim Jong-un will ride with the soldiers on their quest to destroy America. Surely the Americans will be unable to defeat PNDPRK with the aid of Dear Leader.

In a statement Dear Leader stated that, while launching nuclear missiles was considered, such an attack would be unfair to the Americans due to the overwhelming power of the People's Army of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (PADPRK). Instead, the glorious power of the Koreans will be demonstrated by attacking on the sea. "America has no chance to defeat the Navy of the People," Dear Leader Kim Jong-un reiterated. "We urge the American capitalists to surrender immediately or face destruction".

Under the leadership of Eternal President Kim Il-sung and Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il, the DPRK has emerged as the world's leading power in sports, military, and economics. They have won the last 15 FIFA World Cups and established themselves as the world leaders in baseball, basketball, hockey, and handball. The citizens of DPRK also enjoy much greater lives than those of global capitalists; the rice ration was doubled from 1 kg a year to 2 kgs a year, a far higher rice ration than any other country on Earth. Under the leadership of Kim Jong-un DPRK is ready to destroy South Koreareunify with South Korea and then expand communism globally.

I, who is obviously Zeene and has in no possible way been kidnapped and tied up in his basement, am hereby showing my support to our good comrade, fellow Communist and long-time ally, the Supreme Leader of the DPRK, Kim Jong-un, and inform him that if he ever were to need help from Grand Leader Joseph Stalin, who is in no possible way my boss and superior, the might of the Soviet empire, to which I most certainly do not belong, will be ready.