A Foot Past Crazy

I hate feet. I find feet to be the MOST repulsive things on the human body. Just the thought of them makes my gag reflex twitch. I remember the EXACT day and moment my hatred for feet began. It was Tuesday, September 9th, 1991, and I was in my first week of junior high. I was in the locker room, changing for P.E. and I glanced over when another girl said, “look at my foot!”

I am not going to go into too many details, but it was chapped and black and there were callouses and I have to stop or I’m going to throw up. My friend Tara will be quick to remind people that when I was younger, I had a VERY touchy stomach, so the fact I didn’t barf at the site of her mangled foot still baffles me. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still see it.

In my day to day life, I try to not let my foot phobia effect me. I will notice your shoes and comment, I might even remark on your toenail color. But, inside, I die a little. I HATE looking at feet. I only look at my own long enough to put my shoes on. I don’t touch my own feet if I can avoid it – I get pedicures to keep things in order. And if someone’s bare foot touches me – FORGET. IT. I will jump away as if touched by the hottest of Satan’s embers. I will probably scream. And then, seriously, I will scrub that part of my body until I rub the skin raw.

My friends take immense glee in my distaste for feet. When that TERRIFYING commercial for Lamisil comes on (you know the one, where the disgusting little fungus LIFTS UP A BIG TOENAIL AND THEN CLAWS AT THE NAIL BED OH MY GAAAAAAAH), they will pause it and then call me over to the TV. All Mike has to do is threaten to touch me with his feet and I will give him the entire bed. Tara used to chase me around barefoot just to torture me.

Usually when I express my feelings on feet, I get a crooked eyebrow from whoever is listening. But, after a few minutes of anti-tootsy ramblings, a funny thing happens. People tell me what THEY are afraid of or horrified by. And dude. Some of them are crazy. Heh.

Tomorrow Mike, Maddie and I are making the long drive from So Cal to Nor Cal to see his family and Jackie! (Don’t even get me started on the drive, I hate it almost as much as I hate feet, but you can’t fly with an oxygen rocket). So please help amuse us by telling your fears and phobias that others might consider “strange.” I’ll be reading comments on my crackberry. Hopefully Mike will start things off by explaining his fear of cotton. COTTON!!!

47 Comments

Danes says:

Weird fears? Mayonnaise. Gack. I have the same reaction to THAT you have to feet….it just repulses me to no end. I won’t even touch the jar, much less buy it. My poor husband……
Other than that…um, heights. CLOWNS (totally inappropriate and unnecessary) and snakes (I’m shivering)

Kymmi says:

My best friend had a fear of open plumbing. Like a toilet was removed and not immediately replaced? Could not walk past it. There were a few good weeks there in the dorm. But, uh, I was sensitive to it. Yeah.

That Lamisil ad is god-awful, so I’ll give you that one. But c’mon, surely you think Maddie’s feet are cute, right? I mean, who can resist a nibble on cute little baby toes?

My big fear is open bodies of water. Lakes, ponds, oceans, whatever. I’m great in a swimming pool, but if there’s a chance that a fish could be swimming anywhere remotely near me? Or even worse, if it might brush past my leg??? Oh god, just get me out of there. People have told me I should take up scuba diving to get past this phobia, which sounds like my very own personal Hell. Nooo thank you.

Cotton…ugh…just typing the word is upsetting. What repulses me the most about cotton is when someone will pull a piece apart in front of me. It makes my molars hurt. I also can’t deal with pulling it out of an aspirin bottle…I usually just turn the bottle upside down and shake it like a crazy person until way too many spill out.

Oh! And the dentist when they stuff loads of it into your mouth. Gross.

Strange, I know. But I swear…if I ever come across you, cotton, in a back alley somewhere, I will cut you!!!

Hahaha Heather you’re so funny. I HATE feet too. I am not afraid of them per se but I don’t like looking at adult feet (baby feet I love).

Other insane fears? like phobias-that-keep-me-up-at-night?
Dinosaurs and Extraterrestrials.
I can’t watch a movie with aliens in it (Alien, The Signs etc) especially if they have teeth and claws… and are un-friendly. I stay up for days.
And I can’t watch a movie with Dinosaurs… Jurassic Park kept me up for months … I must have been around 15 when I watched it. Still get chills.

My weirdest phobia – and the reason I was vegetarian for a bit – is that I can’t stand to see meat in it’s original form, or anything APPROACHING it’s original form. For instance, I’ll order a filet mignon so rare it bleeds and snarf it down with a nice bordeaux, burp afterwards and go home feelin’ fine.

But put a little cornish hen in front of me? I’ll push it away until someone cuts it up for me so it’s doesn’t look like it might take off and fly away, headless, at any moment.

I was once served a whole fish, head on, eyes staring at me, and I threw my napkin over it and asked the server to please take it back to the kitchen and have the chef make it presentable for me. “presentable” meaning “without head so it can’t freaking stare at me while I eat it.”

I have two fears… feet tops mine. I gag when I touch a foot, scream when someone brushes their foot on mine. I couldn’t even stand to touch my babies’ feet. Nasty! The second is someone touching my neck. Sends me to the floor in the fetal position.

Well, guess you should never see my feet then (all nice and scarred from, um, 6 surgeries…) – I’ve learned to live with and love ’em, but I know feet aren’t high on many people’s lists of liked body parts… Unless you’re a fetishist, which, no. Not my feet, please.

As for my fears… I’d like to think most are fairly normal: I hate snakes, I dislike loud scary noises late at night, I get freaked out being alone in the back woods of NH when there is a known murderer on the loose hiding out in the nearby woods. You know, normal.

Oh! I got one! EYES! Eyeballs freak me out (not living eyes, those are OK… though actually TOUCHING a living eye I couldn’t do – good thing I don’t need contacts!) – but dead eyeballs. ICK. (And since I was a med student and had to go through anatomy, the day we learned about eyeballs was particularly interesting… Let’s just say I “learned” by turning my back, facing the wall, closing my own eyes, and promising to read all about it in a book later on…)

Memphislis says:

Okay, I agree that the Lamisil commercial is revolting. I have to turn my head when it is on. EW. My repulsion/ fear is cleaning out the kitchen drain. Yes, I know that the bits lurking there may have JUST come of a plate, but I will gag if I have to clean the drain trap (you know, the plastic plug/ mesh thing that closes up the drain??) blech. I also am truly afraid of chains that hold things under water. Cannot swim near them or touch them. Bouys, houseboats, anchor chains, etc.

And screw Temecula! Dylan added Vegas! But I don’t live in Vegas. I just get excited about my favorite acts adding Vegas because it’s such a fun town and I’m excited for them. Even brooding old Dylan has fun in Vegas.

I don’t hate feet but that Lamisil commercial will definitely put you off the piggies for a little bit. I am wack afraid of robots. Just about any kind. I mean, have you seen Terminator? They’re really just biding their time waiting to kill us. And partially open doors. Totally closed or totally open, smooth sailing, but you leave a door slightly ajar and I can’t sleep. Just thinking about it gives me the willies.

Kellee says:

Hmmm, I have to agree with the Lamisil commercial – totally gross. The thought of having my toenail peeled back.. yikes! I’m not a huge fan of feet, I’m especially not a huge fan of people touching my feet, but I don’t think I’m afraid of them.

I do have several things that either absolutely give me the creeps or paralyze me with fear.

For pure creeps and icky – snot and spit. Seriously. Watching people spit grosses me out. Why do men find the need to spit all over everything, and so publically as well? Totally gross. Snot is just as bad. A child with a snotty nose, running down their face. OMG gross. Any other bodily fluid or function I can handle but those two. As far as babies are concerned, I can deal with it, but it takes a great amount of willpower. I would prefer changing a nasty diaper than cleaning up a nasty nose.

As far as flat out phobias go, I’m terrified of sharks. This has become so out of control that it has turned into being terrified of water. Being submerged in water freaks me out, because of the sharks. Like swimming pools. I realize there are no sharks in my swimming pool, but as soon as I get in the water I start to panic. I almost exclusively shower because I even have a hard time taking baths sometimes. Sharks in the bath tub. That’s just crazy. Logically I realize how foolish all of this is, but I have yet to be able to control that sense of panic when I hit the water. It’s become worse as I’ve grown older. I’m actually an excellent swimmer, so it’s quite a shame.

Amy says:

I have the same absolute complete and total disdain for feet that you have. Everything you wrote, could have come from me! Feet repulse me and my husband has nasty feet and if he so much as shows them to me, I gag. I make him wear socks all.the.time. in my presence. Of course, he LOVES to torture me with them! Sick man….sick sick man!

I don’t fear it, but I HATE the sound styrofoam makes rubbing together! It’s like nails on the chalkboard! EEK!

I hate meat that is on the bone…. For chicken, I will only eat boneless, skinless chicken breasts…. No way will I gnaw on a bone like a cave person, it just grosses me out. All steaks and pork chops must be boneless (and mostly fat free)… I am utterly freaked out when people eat an entire platter of ribs ——-yucky
Particularly vivid childhood memory: Mom looking at the chicken leg on my plate. I had picked some of the meat of with my fork, but wasn’t about to touch the rest. She picked it up and said there’s still a lot of good meat on here. And then she proceeded to chew and suck and gnaw on the bone until it was completely bare…. and I think I barfed.

Okay, I agree 110% with Mike on the cotton – I would rather a 1000 nails on a blackboard!
and if you hate the Lamisil commercial (and how the hell doesn’t???) you must LOVE the one for the Pedegg? I throw up a little every time they show them emptying it! UGH – a cheese grater full of foot skin! Makes me almost not want to each cheese…..

Jill says:

I hate butterflies… absolutely HATE them! I won’t even buy a piece of clothing with a butterfly on it.
I once went to a butterfly pavillion with my mother at the zoo and had a panic attack. I can’t stand to think of their little wings flapping and touching me… just the idea of it makes me nauseous and give me goosebumps.
I knew that my friend Sarah was destined to be my best friend when she told me that she also has a paralyzing fear of butterflies. It’s fate.

Toothbrushing. Ew.
Good to know about the foot thing.
Now don’t be offended if I run from the bathroom shivering, stick my fingers in my ear and my nose in a corner chanting “LA LA LA” while you brush your teeth.

After seeing the movie “Alligator” at about 6 years old, i have always had this freaky thing about sewer creatures coming up through the pipes and waiting until I sit down to do my business…then once I’m comfy, they spring to action and take a chunk of my BUTT! Which I wouldn’t mind if they took an evenly-dispersed bite that gave me a Jessica Alba booty, but instead it leaves me looking like the Mac logo.

DM says:

OH ME TOO. I honestly hate to see spring coming because, see, I live in the North and up here people have to wear shoes or boots in the winter, but the second the snow melts, they parade their filthy naked feet all around in front of me. The sight is bad enough, but the SOUND OF FLIP-FLOPS, oh dear.

I do not own sandals. My husband doesn’t own sandals. My kid does, but he’s little and is not gross yet. We all wear socks in the house right up to shower time. As soon as it’s cold enough outside, I will start wearing socks to bed again.

Even though I grew up around the water, I HATE touching the bottom. Once I get out to where I can start floating/treading/swimming, waist high or so, I refuse to touch the bottom, and only will if I stand thisclose to someone else. It blows my mind that some people will ONLY stand in the ocean. How do they do that??

I hate clowns. This may seem obvious and common, but I am also terrified of people in animal/mascot suits, mimes, and people who wear costumes and accost people at amusement parks or fairs. Carnivals and circuses, I refuse to go to. I actually get nervous, my palms start to sweat, flight-or-fight kicks in when I see a clown.

I’m also a compulsive food-date-checker. I strictly adhere to those dates and guidelines. I can’t help it. It seriously grosses.me.out. when people disregard the dates or say “Nah, it’s fiiine.” And they usually follow that with “Here, have some.” That’s where I run far, far away.

I have a total and complete phobia of lakes and oceans and what is in them and that may possibly brush up/engtangle themselves with my body if I swim in them. Like all the people who have never been found.

That is so funny, my daughter who is a mother of three has the same feeling about feet. Even her own! She is a little OCD anyway, but I will bet that she washes her feet several times a day. Of course her boys will probably end up just as bad as her because she has to wash their feet all of the time, too. Of course we like teasing her about it all the time by trying to put our feet as close to her as possible!

I have nothing original to add. Like Becky, I despise meat on the bone. It repulses me. It was one of the reasons going vegetarian was easier than I thought it would be. Like Cindy W and Loralee, I avoid lakes and oceans because I can’t stand the plants and “wildlife.” And horror movies. I will be up for nights afterwards if I watch one, so I don’t.

Eric says:

I can relate to these foot phobias. Mine seems worse than any I have read here. Not only am I extremely uncomfortable around bare feet (particularly the soles of the feet), and could never understand how someone could lie in a lawn chair on the beach and show the whole world the soles of their feet. I am male, and this foot aversion I find affects me regarding men more than it does women. I am also incredibly uncomfortable with, believe it or not, WORDS THAT RHYME WITH FEET, or have two e’s in them, or an “EE” sound. Cheese, feelings, feel, beat, treat, meat…
I am 41 and this has made my life miserable for just about all of my life. I have had healthy sexual relationships, but anyone I was with was very clean (just out of the shower usually), and I never had a problem with bare feet as part of nudity, and making love. Oh, GOD, I hate that term, “bare feet.” I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, like bare feet are worse than being completely naked. I get incredibly uncomfortable with jokes about foot odor and how people can even TALK about it in mixed company. I hate Halloween because of the “trick or treat, smell my feet,” as that makes my skin crawl. There is so much more to my problem with feet, but I am too embarrassed to write everything. I will just sound like a nut. I probably said too much as it is.

I used to have an “allergy” friend… I slept on her floor one night… apparently she had been having issues and was blowing her nose most of the night… I woke surrounded by snotty tissue wads. OMGVOMITANDDIE!!!
.-= Maile´s last blog ..A Purple Kind of Day =-.

Mine is fingernails. If I see someone with long fingernails or dirty … oh gah, I shuddered, just thinking about it. The SOUND of them being clipped?! The boyfriend knows he ABSOLUTELY MUST go into the bathroom and close the door, and turn on a desk fan in the room I’m in when he clips his, so there is no way possible I can hear it.

And if someone’s fingernails touch me? Like, if I’m getting back change after buying something at a store, and the fingernails touch me? I throw up a little in my mouth.
.-= Twenty-Something´s last blog ..and so continue ad infinitum =-.

Meg says:

Knees. I hate knees. With a passion. I don’t like other peoples knees, and I hate for someone else to touch my knees. I don’t like to wear skinny jeans because I can feel the fabric on my knees. The worst is when people play with their kneecaps. Bleck!!

Anna says:

I have so many phobias it’s not even funny. First of all the feeling of wet feet or the sound of feet touching water puts me right over the edge. I CANNOT get into the shower after anyone and must make sure it is completely dry before I get into it.

Another phobia I have that is pretty odd has to be the sound of things moving. The sound of a plastic bag moving or being touched can literally wake me up, the sound of an animal trying to move a dish or climbing up something can set me off.

Trisha G says:

I never under any circumstance want anyone to say the word (shhhh – rotator cuff) NEVER NEVER NEVER want to hear that word. It makes me feel faint. You are also not allowed to talk about any fingernail or toenail injury around me. And Digger from that commercial is absolutely the worst thing EVER. I scream the very second that commercial starts and whoever is closest to the remote knows to immediately change the channel. Someone should be shot for making that awful commercial.