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Monday, 25 April 2016

139/ DONE

I first saw this cactus crop top from Forever 21 a little while ago and I've longed for it since. It didn't come home with me until recently for one simple reason: I was afraid.

Afraid of my arms showing. Of my stomach showing. Of wearing the wrong bra with it and having that show, too.

I've never really been afraid of my body so these feelings were pretty new to me. The feelings are still pretty hard to process; but I guess that's what it is, it's a process.

As someone with a fat body - I am tired of overdressing, overcompensating and apologizing.

I am fat and no amount of layers or black pieces of clothing is going to change that. That is something that I've come to terms with. It's definitely not my biggest insecurity, but it is something that I'm hyper aware of. It's my body, I have to live with it every day and I'm going to try to put on whatever makes me happy. The second that I decided to forego wearing typically 'flattering' clothes is the day that I started falling in love with fashion again.

And honestly? I'm done with hiding. My arms. My scars. My fat. My body. My personality. I'm twenty-four years old and I want the world to see me for who I am and clothes give me the confidence to do that.

When I finally bought this crop top, I felt free. I put it on as soon as I came home from the mall and I took the photos pictured below. I set up my camera on a tripod, put on the self timer and staged my own mini photo shoot. They're not the best quality pictures in the world, but I love them. I look so carefree, happy and confident in them and I want the world to know that version of me.

This post is more of a rant than anything else. It's extremely personal and if it makes little to no sense, I give little to no cares. It makes sense in my head in my heart. Wearing what makes you feel your best can be a very hard, and sometimes dangerous, thing to do for some people and I respect and understand that. I would never judge someone because of that. I guess what I'm saying in all of this is that I'm coming to terms with my body and I no longer want my personal style to reflect what society wants/expects of me. It's going to be an immensely personal journey and I'm hoping that my future (and recent) posts will reflect it.