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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Redneck weather forecaster...

Autum is officially here.

How can I tell, you might ask?

Is it because of my finely tuned and astute observational skills in which I observe the leaves changing color and falling from the trees? Is it the fact that my biorhythms are feeling slightly out of whack due to the shorter days and the longer nights? Is it because my internal temperature is in flux due to the colder weather? Is it because my nasal passages are as keen as a bear's and can smell the snow?

No, it is none of those things.

It's because of loogies.

What's a loogie you may ask?

Well, according to the online dictionary, a loogie is defined as: ~ a thick quantity of sputum, usually containing phlegm; Any thick, disgusting liquid.

As I walk the kids to school in the morning, some considerate folk have blessed our travels with these wondrous weather 'forecasters.' There they are on the sidewalk, haphazardly and frivolously placed, whereupon we tread with delicate feet, pointing our way to the school and helping me to define the seasons. As a common courtesy to the loogie-hocker, and potentially as a public service, may I just encourage the creature who hoarks those suckers up to seriously consider consulting a physician? Or a talent agency because, baby, you've got sooome skill there.

On that sidewalk there are:Big loogies. Small loogies.
White loogies.
Loogies with bubbles.

But what's special about the loogies this morning that helped me to distinguish between the seasons is that...

The loogies were half frozen.

When they are totally frozen then winter will be officially upon us.

Stay tuned for the update...

PS If you are so inclined to further your knowledge about spit and sound both intelligence AND disgusting around the table at the next family gathering, read this article. This one right here. It's okay...you don't have to thank me.