Unmixed Good News, Part 2

Yes it's The Holidays and you are feeling SOOOOOOO good already. Yes there are like 3000 Holiday movies a day on the Hallmark Channel, most of them starring Dean Cain. Yes you can go to almost any mall and hear enough Holiday Music to give you diabetes. Yes there is some kind of weird karma going on where there is NO SHAME in having an all-cookie lunch.

Don't misunderstand-- I love the holidays. So do you, even if they wear out your patience in 50 ways 7 days a week. Secretly, you can admit it.

But you can have MORE feel-good experiences and feelings. (Can anyone ever have too many?)

Here to deliver a small serving of quirky information I have been saving up, I offer you bits of positivity that are Jiingle-bell free.

YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO HELP SOMEBODY!

Alfie Date, Australian, died in May 2016 in a nursing home at age 110. In 2013, he began knitting colorful woolen jumpers for penguins.

It all started when his sister-in-law taught him how to knit a jumper for his newborn nephew. That was in 1932.

In 2013, Penguins on Phillip Island had suffered an oil spill, and the oil kept the birds from staying dry. Naturally, this would make them verrrry uncomfortable. It also made them unable to hunt, because their feathers were so heavy. Enter Alfie and other volunteers, who saved 96% of the 483 penguins who were injured by the oil spill and its aftermath.

There were so many jumpers, the do-gooders had to be asked to stop.

Alfie was the oldest man alive in Australia at the time, and he said one secret of his longevity was that he was always on the lookout for something nice to do for somebody.

A CREDIT TO HIS SPECIES! THANKS, ALFIE!

Be SURE to check out the photos in these two Penguin articles! World-class adorable!

“The average household income of the 1% was $1.2m in 2008, according to federal tax data. The ultra-rich skew that average upwards: admission to the 1% began at $380,000 in 2008. The Congressional Budget Office puts the cut-off lower, at $347,000 in 2007, or $252,000 after subtracting federal taxes and adding back transfers. Measured by net worth, rather than income, the top 1% started at $6.9m in 2009, according to the Federal Reserve, down 23% from 2007.”

Or the Investopedia 09-15-16 article cited below:

“To be certified as a one-percenter, you’ll need to bring in even more income each year. According to statistical data from the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), the top 1% had an adjusted gross income of $465,626 or higher for the 2014 tax year. The Washington Center for Equitable Growth put the average household income for this group at $1,260,508 for 2014.”

Notice how that $380K rose to almost $466K in 6 crummy years. Not so crummy for them, of course.

[Let's digress for a minute. Picture any screenplay or novel about Doomsday/Armageddon. Who triggers the calamity? The highest probability is that the numbskull who puts us all into the dumpster is: going to be a member of (drum roll) the 1%]

These One-Percenters are so self-absorbed that they can't figure out that, should they survive Doomsday...and venture out of their luxe bunkers and wave a temporary bye-bye to their “sumptuous black leather couches, wall art featuring cheerful Parisian street scenes, towering faux ferns...plush carpets... large-screen TV set ...beige reclining chairs... cupboards stocked with 60 varieties of freeze-dried and canned foodstuffs... an evening meal that might include spaghetti aglio e olio topped with skillet fried steak chunks, a fresh tomato-and-zucchini salad fresh from the hydroponic garden, and decadent turtle brownies....double-queen bunks clothed in 600-thread-count ivory sheets and duvet covers worthy of a four-star hotel” …

Um, sorry. Anyway, they WILL venture out. Because they need someone to CLEAN their luxe bunker and RE-STOCK their dwindling food supply and brush UP their plush carpets. And IF there ever had been any poor schlubs outside the posh bunker who DIDN'T get mowed down by the guns in the guard towers BEFORE the End Event actually hit, THEY will suddenly be charging $466K an hour for unskilled labor. ( Or maybe, for one hour of unskilled labor, two decadent turtle brownies.)

How did the schlubs survive? By suspecting that the 1% were going to get us into deeeeeep lasagna, and loading up on radiation dosage, like the birds who live in the exclusion zone around Chernobyl, that's how.

So if I start, say, in 1963...once I invent that time machine... I might have a build-up of resistance that will enable me to survive, maybe even prosper, in the coming Wipe-out, and enable me to earn $466K an hour to do dishes.
Which I currently do now, seemingly every few hours, for free.