E Plebnista

WND Had A Most Cunning Plan To Stop Obama With Constitution, Except For One Tiny Detail: The Constitution

Judson Phillips, founder of Tea Party Nation and a guy who just loves the Constitution of the United States so much that he wakes up every morning with patriojizz all over his 2nd-amendment footie pajamas, published a brilliant plan the other day that had the potential to actually save America from the tragedy of national suicide represented by the reelection of gay black crack addict Barack Hussein Obama. And the best part about it? The plan invoked a Top Secret Loophole in the Constitution itself to save the Constitution! How neat is that? And it would have worked, too, if it weren’t for that darn Constitution.

Still, you have to admit he is one earnest little teabagger:

We have one last, final chance to save America. We have one last, final chance to stop Barack Obama. One final chance.

So if you believe in the Constitution Fairy, clap your hands!!!

Actually, here is the real plan: First, Phillips reminds us that although we’ve all voted, what really counts is the Electoral College, that 18th-century relic that Donald Trump thinks is phony and lame. So if we can just keep the Electoral College from assembling in December, we can stop Socialist Christmas from coming!

Here’s how it will go down. See if you can spot the teensy problem in Judson Phillips’s analysis. (Also, sorry for the longish blockquote, but since WND has pulled the story from its main page and even its on-site search, we aren’t sure how long even the direct link will remain):

The 12th Amendment of the Constitution as well as Article II of the Constitution govern the Electoral College.

According to the 12th Amendment, for the Electoral College to be able to select the president, it must have a quorum of two-thirds of the states voting. If enough states refuse to participate, the Electoral College will not have a quorum. If the Electoral College does not have a quorum or otherwise cannot vote or decide, then the responsibility for selecting the president and vice president devolves to the Congress.

The House of Representatives selects the president and the Senate selects the vice president.

Since the Republicans hold a majority in the House, presumably they would vote for Mitt Romney, and the Democrats in the Senate would vote for Joe Biden for vice president.

Can this work?

Sure it can….

Mitt Romney carried 24 states. We need to have conservative activists from all over the nation contact the electors, the Republican Party and the secretary of state in all of these states and tell them not to participate in the Electoral College when it meets on Dec. 17.

If we can get 17 of those states (just over one-third) to refuse to participate, the Electoral College will have no quorum. Then, as the Constitution directs, the election goes to the House of Representatives.

It’s so crazy it just might work! Phillips closes by calling on everyone everywhere to spread this idea and to “contact the electors, party officials and secretaries of state from every red state and insist that they refuse to participate in the Electoral College.” We can only imagine how much fun those officials have been having taking calls from people telling them to boycott the Electoral College so it won’t have a quorum and then the House can Save America!

Phillips’s call to action ran on November 19. It now carries this note at the top, which explains why WND has semi-disappeared the piece:

Editor’s note, Nov. 20, 2012:

Since this column was posted it has been discovered that the premise presented about the Electoral College and the Constitution is in error. According to the 12th Amendment, a two-thirds quorum is required in the House of Representatives, not the Electoral College.

In other words, the Constitution does not actually contain a means for losers to just throw out the results of an election they didn’t like. Not even to Save America.

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).
He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.

He had his fingers crossed, so it was meaningless, like most everything else he's ever said in his meager life, also.

Living in Joy

Maybe he loaned out his sparkly red slippers to someone (the unskewed guy? – he looks pretty lonely) or maybe some of the "patriojizz" accidently ended up in them. Either way, I'm pretty sure he has to wear the slippers.

So Malcom X was actually a time-travelling freedom fighter from the future?!

That… that actually kinda works.

HistoriCat

That's right – connect the dots and it all comes together.

mavenmaven

This plan was brought to WND by special delivery from Acme Rocket Powered Products, Fairfield, NJ.

Blendergoathead

Ah, this will make a fine Thanksgiving topic around the family table, 1/3 of who happen to be teabaggers. Good times!

memzilla

Start the conversation with "So! How 'bout that election, huh?" and they'll be so busy bloviating and sputtering, you'll have plenty of time to snarf up as much food as you want.

Lizzietish81

No, get a padded mail package and add address labels so the return address is the white house and when they ask what it is say "Oh, its the iphone I got for voting for Obama, I'm expecting the Porche next week"

You're only saying that because it makes no mention of a deity and was written by people who overthrew the reigning imperial political order and engaged in unprecedented social engineering based on untested high-falutin' academic humanist political theories.

NorthStarSpanx

That dear little man. Furrowing his brow, scratching his head, pacing the floors, up all night for days on end to find a solution to the mongoloidization of our nation with our first blah president.

Eureka!

The answer was in the constitution all along, and imagining himself to be a heroic Nick Cage, authoring that famous email to patriots the very way to take back our country in a way that will be regaled to our children's children* in plays much like George Washington chopping down that cherry tree.

There's still the "faithless elector" gambit. If you can figure out who the hell these electors are, and get their phone numbers or email addresses, maybe you can call or text them enough information to persuade some of those pledged to Barry to switch their votes to Lord Mittens! Or Rand Paul!

It could happen! On Saturn, maybe!

Roger_of_Arabia

At first I thought kidnapping their children or grandchildren would work, but imagine this scenario: The RNC locates the unstable ex-lovers of 64 Obama electors (you know the kind who always seem to email you years after you told them to fuck off and that you never want to see them again), who then call the electors (crying) threatening to (falsely) tell the electors' spouses that they have been fucking them the whole time, and if that doesn't work they will kill themselves right there on the statehouse steps on election day if they they don't vote for Romney.

Lot_49

Can't see any reason why this wouldn't be a complete success.

BadKitty904

Based on the popular vote, "America" seems to be pretty OK with having a rational, statesman-like, black president.

So, who, exactly, do these bozos think they are speaking for? Who is this "we"?

Bezoar

Don't forget calm, competent, and effective. And, bonus, good taste.

thatsitfortheother1

Rednex.

BadKitty904

Guess it sux for them to be a minority, eh? Who'da thunk it?

ChessieNefercat

Who is this we, you ask? Mostly the voices in their heads, I would imagine.

MosesInvests

"We"=Real Umurkuns (White, male, straight, Christian).

CthuNHu

"We" is everbody, numbnuts, everbody! Me, and Cletus, and Tiny, and Buford, and Bubba, and Jamal.

This would be that "Constitutional Conservatism" I keep on hearing so much about, right?

Goonemeritus

Fat bitter old white guys just need to focus on breeding to get their numbers up. I do however think the epidemic of erectile dysfunction in the non-Italian part of this community might hamper this plan.

LibertyLover

Donald Trump has certainly played his part… having a child with each of his wives except the last one…

Sorry to inform you but Rush Limbaugh has been pulling his weight, sadly you just can't recreate using those cute dark cabana boys as your sperm receptacle no matter how much Viagra you consume. Not that he's given up trying, yet.

HistoriCat

The majority of them can't get younger wives, which is one of the reasons they are bitter.

ChessieNefercat

Rush Limbaugh pulls his weight every time he heaves his ass out of his gigantic chair and lumbers over to the refrigerator.

Rosie_Scenario

Donald Trump does have a child with latest wife — a son named Baron. A large, but shallow gene pool.

They were right! In just two weeks since Obama stole the election our country has gone in the crapper. I look out the window and I can see America in flames.
Why it's like….. wait a minute, crap, that's the barbeque.
Never mind.

HouseOfTheBlueLights

Better run to Wal-Mart for your 10% discount fire extinguisher.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr

Mean Girl Ponies!

StillGoinGreen

Tomorrow, I will spend my Thursday here in the Lone Star state, surrounded by my teabag, fundie, racist relatives. They will inevitably tell us how Barack HUSSEIN Obama HUSSEIN stole the election and how America is dying. They will also be the same aunts/uncles/cousins that I drove to the PP clinic in the 80's to "take care of that little problem" or to the south side of Fort Worth to "pick up some party favors". They will forget this, until I announce it loudly enough for everyone to know it is time to go home… then Thanksgiving will come to a close for another year – thankfully.

freakishlywrong

Why go through it all? Jeeeze. Make reservations and take yerself outta that sitch. I'm sorry, it's sounds awful.

StillGoinGreen

What, and miss "The Hillbilly Ho Show 2012"??!! I am always amazed by the fact that the only people NOT either receiving Gubbmint help or eligible for it are the only two people (families – mine and my bestie cousin, Mark) who stand up for it. That, and the fact that Mark ALWAYS brings the Makers Mark. Besides, my Mom has stage III lung/breast cancer and probably won't get too many more of these, so I will soldier on until she is gone – I probably will never see these foks again after she passes.

Roger_of_Arabia

It's not a real family holiday until someone tearfully yells "I hate you and I always have!"

So dropping out of the college won't actually advance your plan? I wish someone had told me that 35 years ago.

SorosBot

Why don't they just build a wormhole to actually go to that alternate reality they think they've been living in where Romney was somehow winning, global warming isn't real and the Earth is on 6000 years old?

AngryBlakGuy

..errrrr, because that would require the use of "actual science" as opposed to "Bible science". It would be like when they were first experimenting with transporter technology on Star Trek; huge piles of gelatinous blobs, that are screaming to be put out of their misery. Now that I think about it, he'll yeah!!!

BaldarTFlagass

"Solid food hurts. So like a fly, Brundlefly breaks down solids with a corrosive enzyme, playfully called "vomit drop". He regurgitates on his food, it liquifies, and then he sucks it back up. Ready for a demonstration, kids? Here goes… "

AngryBlakGuy

…all kidding aside, they should deport these ass-clowns to a wasteland shyt-hole(pronounced TEXAS) where they can practice the use of republican science(pronounced MAGIC) and no one with common sense will get hurt. Do they not realize that the same technology that runs their SUV's or that processes their crude oil(pronounced Jesus Jizz) is the the same science that proves the earth is a tad bit older than 10,000 years old!!!

HistoriCat

You can lead a religious zealot to reality but you can't make them think.

BaldarTFlagass

They think Johnson Space Center is a movie studio.

BaldarTFlagass

To be fair, the guy has been reading a lot of Harry Turtledove lately and he got his real and fantasy Constitutions mixed up.

CapeClod

He didn't notice that aliens didn't invade while WWII was happening? That would be kinda hard to miss.

AngryBlakGuy

…if you can't win it, steal it! And when I say steal it I'm talking about "triple homicide home invasion" type shyt!

These pay-triots would see a real revolution if the popular and electoral votes were overturned by a body with a 17% approval rating to insert a man that the GOP has just spent two weeks bitching about. They should do it the old fashioned way, let the supreme court make some shit up to install Romney.

If only there were a way that Rmoney's head could be transplanted onto Obama's body – keeping Obama's head, too – then we could realize our dream of having Zaphod Beeblebrox as our president!

ericthefredd

You _did_ read about how well that worked out on a Galactic scale, right?

It does bring up a good question though. If the President stole Air Force One, where would he fly it?

PsycWench

After reading these posts, I am thankful that I will be spending Thanksgiving with just my husband and two kids, all of whom are liberal atheists who have no problem having baby back ribs instead of turkey.

BadKitty904

What are you, some kinda radical?

Wait. You said "ribs"? mmm…

chicken_thief

We just add bacon to *modernize* the turkey.

Yellerdawg

Snippet of actual conversation with my sister, post-election. She lives in one of the whitest white-bread communities I've ever seen in Colorado:

"We are doing a lot of work on the house. We were going to get all new windows, but I told (hubby) we need to wait. You know there's going to be riots and unrest, and they would probably all be broken out."

Me-(open mouthed, incredulous look)

"Well, you know it's coming!"

Steverino247

To complete her thought, she plans to have the insurance company cover the replacement windows.

HouseOfTheBlueLights

I'll see your liberal atheists and add actual members of the Communist party. Who came to the U.S., made a bundle on the stock market, and then moved back to their communist homelands, where they live like kings. America!

James Michael Curley

Dok, I love the Constitution. But it still reads best in the original Klingon.

MonkeyBiz

Doesn't everything?

LibertyLover

…Perhaps if they built a large wooden badger…

Don't be silly, large wooden badgers don't give a sh*t.

Oblios_Cap

Now, honey badgers are a different matter.

chicken_thief

I'm shocked that WND took the post down and issued a correction. Like their followers actually give a rats ass about *facts*.

*Sorry for the lack of snark. I'll try to add some later.*

BadKitty904

Truly. When WND thinks your stuff is too crazy-ass to remain posted AND issues a correction, you're *really* off the edge of the maps…

MosesInvests

"Here there be monsters."

Tundra Grifter

You beat me to it. When Wing Nutz' Daily is The Voice of Reason, we're beyond the fringe.

That's why they're melting because of global warming! THEY'RE IN ON THE FIX!!! ::dons tinfoil::

glasspusher

Victoria Jackson? Formerly of SNL? Another hottie ditz I can't fantasize about, or want to, because clearly she's proven to be way more of a ditz than she should be…

BaldarTFlagass

I like how the F/A-18 Hornet multi-role fighter jets keep launching out of the cruise ship at the top. I spent time on an aircraft carrier when I was in the navy, and those people on that cruise ship are not going to like all that fucking noise.

Can you imagine sitting down to a buffet dinner next to Joe miller, Victoria Jackson and Jerome Corsi ? They better hide the silverware.

Pragmatist2

"Stupid is as stupid does"

BigSkullF*ckingDog

Yes, but doesn't it say somewhere in the constitution that the president has to be white? DOESN'T IT????!

LibertyLover

No, but according to the Constitution, a Blah President counts as only 3/5ths of a President, doesn't he? Shouldn't we get a refund on the other 2/5ths?

HistoriCat

But PBO is half white, so you have to carry through the arithmetic on the fractions.

Pragmatist2

Actually it says "White, Male, Christian and not Gay." I thinks it's in the Bill of Rights.

HouseOfTheBlueLights

Um, actually, yes it does. They had to pass several amendments to get around that. AWKward.

Monsieur_Grumpe

Oooooooh and he was soooooooo close.

Even the WND commenters are calling him an idiot. That is pretty friggin low on the Moran Scale.

Estproph

"…and if that plan fails, then whenever HUSSEIN Obummer passes another one of his commandments – I mean "laws" – then we'll all just stick our fingers in our ears and yell "LALALALALALALALAICANTHEARYOULALALALALALALA!" so that we never know what the new laws are! And if that doesn't work, then we'll all hold our breath until Obummer is forced to step down!"

Vecchiojohn

Wait a minute. Does the moon have enough electoral votes to pout Romney over the top?

LibertyLover

Silly. We don't have those moon colonies yet. Newt Gingrich was in charge of that.

Lizzietish81

Yes, but it voted for Newt Gingrich.

Mahousu

But you repeat yourself.

BigSkullF*ckingDog

This Thanksgiving I am thankful that there are no republicans or teatards in my family.

Hearing everyone "look forward" to dinner with their wingnut families tomorrow, I am suddenly super-grateful that my grandparents are actually quite decently liberal, watch MSNBC but also think Joe Scarborough is a cock, and generally okay, except for that one small thing where they're a wee bit super-racist.

CapeClod

Oh well, back to Glenn Beck's drawing board.

Redhead

But but… but my minister and my Repugnicant legislator told me that if I don't like something, it must be either illegal or not real, and I KNOW they would never lie to me…

Ever since the election I have this calliope sound coming out of my computer speakers whenever I am reading something that involves republican/teabagger/sore losers and their grave analysis (snort) of wha hoppen? and OMGZ the Kenyan is still here! and how do we convince all the people we've insulted that really they would love us if we could just get our message out?

"… a guy who just loves the Constitution of the United States so much that he wakes up every morning with patriojizz all over his 2nd-amendment footie pajamas…"

What kind of faustian deal do I have to make to be able to string together words like that?

pdiddycornchips

Why don't they stick their fingers in their ears and stoop around while crying at the top of their lungs?
That's what my two year old does when she doesn't get her way and it's oddly effective.

MonkeyBiz

And they would have gotten away with it too, if not for those long-dead meddling Founding Fathers!

Roger_of_Arabia

Maybe if the RNC can prove a coach of the electoral college football team is a child raping sicko they can use that to their advantage.

Gayer_Than_Thou

There's a whole bunch of other amendments to the Constitution that nobody ever reads that might be useful. What about the 17th? Or the 3rd? I'm just brainstorming here, but you get the idea: pick a random part of the Constitution and run with it.

glamourdammerung

So they are advocating a coup d'état. Which is fine with me as long as they get some drone strikes for their effort.

Sometimes the Tree of Liberty has to be watered with the blood of fools and traitors.

Troglodeity

I just don't understand how WND could put out something factually inaccurate.

decentcitizen

But you see, that's just a technicality! That's what the Constitution is called when it leads to an outcome some folks disagree with. (as in "he got off on a technicality).

JustPixelz

The Constitution. How does it work?

rickmaci

Faith based constitutional interpretation. The Constitution is the inspired work of God and God told me what it says so I don't actually need to read any of them wurdz!!

ericthefredd

Just for the record, I love my wingnut extended family and happily dine with them. I just find a quick exit at the earliest possible moment.
It does help that I'm not actually a liberal (or a conservative). I just happen to love my country more than politics, so I vote for liberals and avoid discussing politics with my family.

littlebigdaddy

It is as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning.

Baba_NinjaCat12

If that brillant plan didn't work, Phillips can always fall back on the good ole 2nd Amendment Remedy. Only if he gets past Secret Service and avoid his butt being sent to GITMO. It could….
NEVER MIND!!!

This happens to me all the time. At first I am looking really hard for the misunderstood ambiguity or the overlooked detail. I always believe that the information I am receiving is correct, but not complete. Then I discover the missing piece of information is actually just that right-wing dipshits make shit up all the time.

NothingMissing

Ah, give him a break. You know the Tea Partiers never bother reading past the Second Amendment.