Please tell your friend to tell her son he really made my day - and thanks, yumyum, for posting the link. I needed a good laugh!

Other MB's aren't that bad during the week, early in the morning. I've only been to the Somerville one time (one, unforgettable time), and although I now live pretty close, I've been avoiding it for this reason.

On a my recent visit to Boston while I did most of my shopping in Chelsea and at smaller markets, I did ensure to make at least one visit to the Somerville MB for old times sake. Aside from the parking issue at certain hours, I find that I can shop faster at the Somerville store than any of the others including the new stores, but the extended Somerville Ave construction was enough to tip me towards Chelsea which I already frequented for goods that Somerville doesn't stock.

chowhound poster djd has mentioned the Somerville MB and culture in humorous style in several boston.com articles about markets, including this one (you have to love any article which uses mangos and greek yougurt for price comparison :-):

My ideal shopping trip would be in Somerville (mostly): MB, the Union Sq farmers market, Winter Hill Bakery, Courthouse Seafood, Capone's and Amigo's market but that would require multiple stops. That used to be a regular Saturday loop for me, with less regular stops at Reliable, Jerry's, and La Internacional. Now I would usually include Seabra. This definately cannot be beaten, although if I go early enough Saturdays a trip to Chelsea can include a visit to Arthur's.

When Chelsea MB was smaller it was a bit more ethnic, particularly Italian and Latino (carrying some smaller brands of cheeses), unfortunately when it grew some of those things have been pushed out in favor of larger displays and lots of shelf space for name brand products. But Chelsea still has some advantages and some new things like the Columbus Salame are a big win.

They have a larger and much better seafood section where you can get locally caught cod (and some specialties), usually fairly fresh sea scallops (often from gloucester), not local but reasonable products like mexican bay scallops and shrimp. Maine shrimp are more regularly available in season (heads lopped off) and put on sale. They also offer head-on shrimp. Frozen things like octopus have a couple of options vs usually a single in Somerville. I really only buy a limited subset of seafood from MB, but Chelsea is a lot better for those items.

They are a bit better on Italian products (Somerville is a bit better on Portuguese, although they reduced shelf space for that to accomodate more Brazilian). They carry Maria's fresh pasta. A huge draw is Columbus Salame Co products in the deli case (mostly their mid-line products), plus a better quality domestic proscuitto and some imported (they tried speck for a while but no longer carry it).

Produce its easier to find hungarian cheese peppers in season, italian frying peppers, some oriental greens (its a bit of an odd selection still but better than Somerville). They carry green coconuts (in Somerville you can get these at La Sultana) and more regularly stock local Brazilian produce in the fall (such as maxixe, jilo which Somerville carries but its often not as nice). They also carry central american squashes, which I love because they stand up to stewing (you can get these sometimes at the Union Sq farmer's market).

The bakery is better and there is a nice selection of Salvadoran baked goods. One thing they carried in the old Chelsea MB was par-baked Cuban bread and they brought it back when they reopened but it seems to come and go (the Columbus porchetta is probably as good as you can get as far as deli counter sliced pork even though its not exactly right for a cuban).

They carry much more offal (including the widest selection of lamb offal I have seen around Easter), but Somerville's meat prices can actually be better and it has nice loin cuts for beef.

They do carry more Mexican cheeses than Somerville (where you can buy Salvadoran equivalents and which now carries Oxacan cheese), but unfortunately now these are exclusively larger brands like La Fe, Tropical, and Goya (with produce prices creeping up and giving away the advantage of the smaller brands, I agree with Karl S that Price Rite is more cost effective definitely for common "latino" food shopping). Few more options for crema, but best are Salvadoran which you can get in Somerville. They can be a bit hard to find but there is some decent columbian chorizo. They used to carry piloncillo (sp?) but I haven't seen it in a while but its not something I would commonly get.

If you are taking the T keep in mind its about 10 minutes from the commuter rail and likewise a hike from Broadway (Haymarket buses). I think its the 112 which is a bit circuitous from Wellington and also has Blue line connections which goes nearby.

In addition to the lovely post from itaunas, I wanted to point out that this store has a significantly nicer selection of asian products than Somerville. Big bottles of squid fish sauce, an assortment of decent noodles, etc. The asian section is kinda divided into the slightly more comprehensive one (at the base of the middle goya aisle) and then a more standard americanized one in the middle of the pasta aisle.

In general it's a more spacious store. Produce is massive. Meat is massive. Bakery/prepared is massive. Get the pattern? The seafood counter is nice, but know that I've seen the frozen shrimp (from the frozen section) poured into the 'previously frozen' shrimp area in the counter. They do have occasional other types in season.

Love how it comes full circle at the end. And how he describes his haven alongside produce: "...a low-traffic oasis — complete with coconuts — that I sometimes pop into, enjoying the stillness as if I’d been swimming underwater and suddenly came up into the air pocket of an overturned raft."

Well, now Price Rite has opened a branch on Squire Road in Revere, in addition to the location on the Lynnway in Lynn. Price Rite is a different kind of store - think like a grocery store version of BJs, not pretending to have everything, but what it has is often even lower priced than Market Basket, and there are some very good things to be had.

I think I know the back way of which you speak--little pink houses?. Unfortunately, once in a while I need to buy more than I can comfortably carry for my walk home, so I have to call/wait for a cab and hope no one steals it (or screams at me that I'm stealing the cab that I called for).

If you have a cocktail beforehand and bring some headphones and the right kind of music, shopping at the the Somerveille MB is a lot more bearable.

You also need a strategy. For example, after coming up the one-way aisle, park your cart in the usually-empty coffee/diaper aisle and go grab a deli counter number, then move back on foot to the frozen fish and the milk. Which of course should be right next to each other. ?? They go together like....like coffee and diapers.

That place is ripe for a MIT student engineering project on efficiency and organization.

Oh I hope no one comes in and makes it efficient and organized! The article was a love letter to Somerville MB -- and all those who sail in her! I love its crazy "everyone in the pool!" vibe, although some days more than others. I find a nice xanax does the trick, especially on even nutsier days like the day before Thanksgiving or New Years Eve.

Then again, I often go when I'm hungover or hungry, so I'm not helping matters any, either. Neither do the parents who put the child in charge of the shopping cart, so really, I guess we all suck in different ways.

As far as effiency, my rule of thumb is "no going back". It really is like being a salmon swimming upstream.

My cognitive map of the place is comb-shaped rather than a zig-zag. You get your cart to the back, and then ride that spine, leaving the cart to run up aisles and back. That way you avoid the lines to check out and can skip all extraneous aisles.

There's almost no way to turn the music up loud enough not to hear what's going on around you. I have to turn it up most of the way just to hear the music at all!

I don't think improving the efficiency and organization would lose any of the MB "charm." All God's Children would still be in the pool, just wouldn't need to stay there for an hour and a half to do the grocery shopping! I mean whole families are walking four generations abreast like it's the Champs Elysees or the Malecon.

The best thing a Somervile MB shopper can do is prepare - have a cocktail, meditate, whatever puts you in a peaceful space. Acknowledge that the experience won't be efficient or without obstacles, recognize that everyone else is there for the same reasons you are, and go. Headphones with good music are nice, but I also find that making eye contact with other shoppers as you try to navigate an aisle helps too. The unspoken understanding that a met gaze can bring that we're all in this together seems to make for a friendlier experience overall. I moved out of the Union Square area a couple years ago, so don't make it to the Somervile MB as often, and I miss it.