How Not To Deal With Ex-Boyfriends: Plot To Crotch-Stomp And Murder Them

There are precious few clean, healthy ways to deal with exes: Avoid parties or social gatherings for at least the next two years. Block (and later, unblock, then see pictures of him with one or more cute girls on your feed and once again block) them on social media. Cast a love spell to get him back. Enter the Witness Protection Program and move to Finland.

But no matter how dysfunctional you and your ex may be, you've got nothing on pretty, smart 21-year-old UC Riverside student Barbara Wu, who decided to dispose of two ex-boyfriends the Biblical way — by allegedly scheming, for each guy, to "kidnap him, break both his legs, 'motorcycle' him, take his body to Mexico, get in touch with a drug cartel, and have the cartel dispose of his body."

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Oh: "Motorcycling," if you were wondering, means stomping on a guy's crotch. Because the whole bone-breaking and murder thing wasn't quite enough. (Poor penises. They've taken a lot of sh*t this summer.)

Wu, currently facing a preliminary hearing to decide if she will stand trial for soliciting murder, stalking, vandalism, and harassment, allegedly plotted the murder scheme along with her current boyfriend, Dennis Lin, and a getaway driver.

After Wu had convinced Lin that one ex had been abusing her, the two pulled an escalating series of pranks on the ex, like egging his car and putting his information on the "m4m" section of Craigslist. (In fact, she and the ex had been to court before when she allegedly pulled a knife on him. She got a restraining order against him.)

Eventually, Lin drew the line and tried to discourage Wu from the plot. She replied that she wanted to commit suicide and "go Virginia Tech" on the school. Her Twitter, which, by all accounts, looks like a typical stressed-out undergrad girl's, is still active. If she's convicted she faces up to 15 years in prison.