What's Your Next-Door Neighbor Story?

The Tempest in Apartment "A"

I'd call them the neighbors from hell, but that would be an insult to neighbors from hell. They were not just loud, they were jet-engine loud. They cranked the music and partied all night, every night. They had drums in the living room. In an apartment. An apartment that had a wall in common with my bedroom. It got bad enough that I started having to go to bed with headphones on, using Soundgarden to drown out the noise.

They were entrepeneurs with a home-based sales business. I won't get into specifics about their merchandise, other than to say that you won't find it in the store. Their clintele, a diverse and hygenically challenged bunch, staggered into the building at all hours of the night and pounded on their front door, or sometimes in their confusion, mine. One Friday evening, as I sat parked on my couch nursing a can of Busch watching VH1's "Behind the Music," two girls in short skirts and heavy makeup burst in through my unlocked front door. They looked around, confused by the cleanliness of their surroundings, giggled coquettishly, muttered apologies, and staggered out shakily on their stiletto heels. "Hey!" I shouted after them. "You don't have to leave! Really!" But it was to no avail.

The word around the building was that they were two months' behind in their rent and about to be evicted. I knew I had to exact my revenge soon. I questioned the two upstairs tenants and discovered a date on which they would all be gone for the night, as would my roommate. As would I. Before I left, I put NWA's "Straight Outta Compton" into my CD player. I cranked it up and hit the repeat all button. Then I split, leaving the neighbors to be serenaded by Ice Cube, Eazy-E, and Dr. Dre all night long.

When I got home the next morning, there was a nasty note pinned to my apartment door. Pinned to theirs was an eviction notice.

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Have a Next-Door Neighbor Story?

As part of our new webcomic, Next-Door Neighbor, we thought it appropriate to have a little contest. Tell us your best true next-door neighbor story, and the winning tale will be matched with an artist and transformed into a webcomic and included as the final installment of Next-Door Neighbor.

About Next-Door Neighbor

No matter how close or how far, we all live next to someone, and we all have a Next-Door Neighbor story. With that in mind, editor Dean Haspiel asked some of his favorite storytellers and cartoonists to create their favorite NDN stories so we could share them with you.

The Fine Print & Contest Rules

By submitting an entry, you are granting SMITH the right to reprint or republish that entry online or in print, as well as make any necessary edits. See SMITH's terms of service for complete details.

This contest ends September 1, 2008. Prizes are not redeemable for cash and must be accepted as awarded. Winners are decided at the discretion of SMITH judges and all decisions are final. SMITH reserves the right to change the contest rules. Enter as often as you want. SMITH reserves the right to reprint or republish all entries.

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