What Women Want To Hear On Mother’s Day- advice for pastors on what not to preach about womanhood

The responses to #ThingsOnlyChristianWomenHear show the desperate need for Christian communities to end sexism rooted in bad theology and faulty human traditions. With Mother’s Day around the corner, here are some considerations for pastors preparing messages that honor women.

“At the heart of every woman,” a pastor once commented on Mother’s Day, “is a God-ordained desire for beauty, marriage, homemaking, and motherhood. If you doubt it, check out the covers of women’s magazines at the grocery store.”

I chafed at his generalizations. I couldn’t deny that magazines marketed to women tend to cover beauty, decorating, recipes, and finding the perfect ___ [project, costume, snack, etc.] for kids, among other stereotypical topics that most women I know either relate to or roll their eyes at.

But I wondered if that pastor would have a different perspective if he could become a beetle on a wall at a women’s retreat. Would it surprise him to learn that most of us don’t sit around curling our eyelashes, voting on paint and fabric swatches, or even talking about our husbands and kids? Sure, we care about how we look. We want to make the most of our surroundings and support our husbands and kids. But there’s so much more. We want to thrive in Christ. We want our gifts and energy and time to count in the fullest ways possible. Most of us who love Jesus want to make the greatest difference possible for all eternity.

At the same time, we hear someChristian leaders stereotype and limit us to the domestic realms, fencing us from our fullest potential in Christ. And not enough of us realize that stereotypes andlimitations have more to do with human traditions than God’s actual intentions. Many present-day church leaders buy into teachings of church fathers who had limited opinions of women. It’s not that the writing and ministry of these leaders was all wrong or bad. But much of their teaching on why God created women fell short of God’s basic plans for marriage and community. And, sadly, some of their inaccurate teachings have carried on through today, minimizing Christ’s work through women.

Augustine, for example, taught that a woman’s goodness is exemplified in her skills as a man’s helper, no more. Her purpose, he claimed, is for bearing children, little else. Of course, marriage and motherhood are beautiful ways for a woman to serve God. But Genesis 1:27 paints a fuller picture.

Actually, in Genesis, God explains that the first man and woman share a purpose—to rule and subduethe earth in a joint partnership. She exists to help care for creation—including him—not just him. God made her to help care for creation—including children—not only children.

There’s no way around the fact that God made a she to co-create a God-glorifying culture with a he.

God means for male and female to reflect the magnificent dance—between Creator, Word, and Spirit—in a community.

Neither male nor female exemplifies the fullest possible life when working apart from each other. Our unique contributions as men and women, and unique individuals, offer the fullest possible expressions of life in Christ. Yet some Christian leaders today herd men and women into separate spheres of life and ministry.

Irenaeus claimed that women are prone to deceit, gullibility, and tempting males to sin. He blamed the first woman for the first man’s fall. Men, he insisted, should not trust women. Women, he erroneously taught, need men to protect them from innate sinfulness. Sadly, some leaders today carry on this thinking.

Scripture paints a different picture: God holds the man responsible for his choices and behavior (Gen. 3:17-19, Rom. 5:12). God opposes the man’s attempt to pass blame on the woman, assuming moral superiority.

God calls the woman out for acting on her confusion. The text tells us she is deceived. We can only imagine the details. Did the woman search her husband’s face as the serpent lied that humans could be as smart and powerful as God? Did the man silently wait to see if she would give in before taking the risk himself? Nowhere does God question: “So why didn’t you follow your husband’s leadership?” We don’t know all that went down in those moments. Good theology never imaginatively fills in blanks.

We can be sure that turning her gaze from the Creator’s instructions, to the Serpent’s lies, didn’t go well for the woman. The man and woman took the serpent’s bait and reaped the consequences—equally.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the difference between God’s plans versus human agendas. Scripture paints a more accurate picture than stereotypical thinking of some church fathers, carrying into present-day stereotypes and pseudo-Christian culture.

If we hear on Mother’s Day—or any other time—that women achieve the pinnacle of womanhood through beauty, marriage, homemaking, and motherhood, let’s remember the bigger, fuller picture of what’s possible in Christ. After all, Scripture—not the interpretations of some church fathers and present day leaders—provides the basis for our faith. Let’s plant our feet on the safe ground, looking first to the One who is far above all rule and authority, power and dominion (Eph. 1:21-23).

Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love. (Eph. 4:14-16)

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[1] I wish more women would give each other a break. A woman who has the option not to work outside her home is able to glorify God. A woman who doesn’t have the option to stay at home, or who chooses differently, is also able to glorify God.

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At the risk of making others angry – why, exactly, does Mother’s Day need to be recognized at church? Or Father’s Day, or Veteran’s Day, or Memorial Day, or the Fourth of July? (I’m obviously coming at this from an American context). None of these holidays are about God and isn’t He the reason we gather together for worship?

Of course moms and dads should be encouraged and exhorted and supported. I don’t dispute that. I just don’t understand why we focus on anything other than the Lord when we’re at church.

US churches sure like celebrating US holidays. It’s not my favorite thing, for sure, especially when the focus honors some (i.e. moms, dads, veterans, etc.) and leaves others out. It bothers me when pastors use holidays to promote pet theologies on gender, just war, etc. Knowing that US churches aren’t likely to give up celebrating national holidays, I hope pastors will think more critically about Scripture and church history. #ThingsOnlyChristianWomenHear shows the great need to elevate thinking and status of women.