Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I still hate squirrels, part MCXLVIII

A squirrel caused a four-car fender bender in Adams County over the weekend.

According to state police reports, a driver stopped shortly before 3:30 p.m. Sunday on Route 116 in Mount Pleasant Township to avoid hitting a squirrel.

The first car, a 1994 Ford Taurus, was rear-ended by a second car, a 2001 Toyota. The Toyota was then hit by a 1995 Dodge Intrepid, which was then hit by another car.

State police didn't report any injuries or any charges filed in relation to the crash as of Monday night.

People, people: NEVER swerve to AVOID a squirrel. To HIT one, certainly... but why in the world would anyone purposefully avoid hitting a squirrel?

The little poofytailed rat probably high-fived all his ratty little bucktoothed friends on the roadside after this pileup. Wretched vermin.

Looking at the list of cars, the only real casualty I can see is the Toyota. The others were mercy-wreckings. A '94 Taurus? A '95 Intrepid? Good lord, why were those things still on the road, anyway? How sad for the poor Toyota, to end up sandwiched in between those two bombs... not the way I'd want to go. That'd be like those stories of Senator Ted Kennedy and Senator Chris Dodd doing a "waitress sandwich" ... absolutely revolting.

If I'd been driving the Toyota, I'd probably file charges against the Taurus owner just for the sheer principle of the matter. Wrecking my beautiful Toyota over a SQUIRREL? Oh no you dih-ent!