First an algebraic certainty: Health Redistribution (sounds a lot like wealth redistribution hmmmmmmmm...) minus lack of funds minus enough doctors to handle 30 to 47 million more patients (depending on the number de jour of our Dear Leader) minus 45 percent of doctors threatening retirement if Obamacare is enacted minus a half trillion dollars in cuts to Medicare and Medicade plus six billion dollars in new taxes on insurance companies = Government-run HC (health care) = rationing = death panels = the last straw of an overstretched economy and patience of Americans. Credit for the formula goes to my cousin and Oxford Professor, Dr. Izzy Moreironic, PHD, MD and summa cum laude BSer.

Stick that formula in your iPods and BlackBerries, Yahlie and Hahvad grads!

I refer to BOTH bills, House 3200 and the lonely Max Baucus Senate Bill. I have three problems with these plans:

• It’ll enact the most chilling unconstitutional government encroachment on our liberty, privacy and freedom in American history.

• We couldn’t afford the porkulus bill. These health care PODs (Piles of Debts) put our economy so far in arrears our children will be the new slum dogs, recruited to sell flowers on the streets of Beijing, Mecca and Mumbai.

• Did I mention, it’ll enact the most chilling unconstitutional government encroachment on our liberty, privacy and freedom in American history?

Forget for a moment that the British and Canadian governments are running ... I mean ruining their health care.

Forget for a moment that the incoming and outgoing presidents of the Canadian Medical Association have declared their state-run health care system on the verge of “imploding.”

Forget for a moment that doctors from Britain recently reported that millions of seniors in England have had treatment withheld by the government and thousands have died prematurely. THEY labeled it “euthanasia.”

Forget for a moment that Obamacare is about as clear as what the “Bush Doctrine” was to Sarah Palin and Charlie “ACORN is a mystery to me” Gibson.

After 159,789 health care speeches Obama has spewed, I’ll dare anyone, including the President, to bestow us with the details of his plan. If it was so important to Barack, why didn’t he write the legislation and send it to Congress? What the heck are all those czars doing anyway, rehearsing their fall TV reality show, Dancing with the Cossacks?

If the camel’s nose gets under the tent, kiss your liberty goodbye

Baucus’ plan will kill the insurance business as sure as the House bill. It’ll raise costs so high that government-run insurance will be the only option.

I don’t care how old you are or what religion, race or disease you have, no one, not even the President of the United States, should be even in the vicinity of anyone who is going to judge whether you have the right to treatment.

Is that the most economical way?

Probably not.

But whose business is it except you, your doctor and your family? It certainly isn’t impersonal bastards who the state has elevated to G-d-like decisions. And it definitely isn’t the business of our Dear Leader or his population control kooks he’s surrounded himself with: Zeke “No Country for Old People” Emanuel and John “I’ll you an abortion you can’t refuse” Holdren. These decisions are beyond all their pay grades. I’d rather not open the door to the fascistic medical practices of Germany and Italy in the 30s for this or future administrations. How about you?

In any final health bill we must make sure that the morons who funnel our money to ACORN, while replacing capitalism with socialism, can’t have anything remotely like a government option or any of its stealthy funnels.

Malpractice insurance tort reform is like a talented drunk. It’s potential is staggering.

My solution?

• Provide for competition over state lines for insurance companies — a sure-fire premium saver.

• Funnel the $200 to $400 billion savings from malpractice tort reform as successfully tested in California and Texas to pay the premiums for the 10 to 15 million legal citizens too poor to buy health care insurance but who desire it. Illegals seeking medical help should be treated and then deported — stat! (That will give the double whammy of more jobs for unemployed legals.)

• Bridge the gap of insurance lost between jobs.

• Pay the difference between pre-existing coverage and regular coverage.

• Deal with uninsured health care deadbeats as a collection agency would with use of the IRS if person is unable or unwilling to pay. In fact, knowing the IRS is going to be on your ass for the rest of your life, you may choose to buy insurance, as John McClaughry advised in his recent National Review article.

If we know something for sure it’s that political leaders must be kept on a short leash.

As our founders knew, GOVERNMENT CANNOT BE TRUSTED!!!

(Dave Weinbaum is a regular contributor of one-liners and commentaries to many regional and national publications and web sites, including the Reader's Digest, National Enquirer and Forbes and is a regular pundit for the www.jewishworldreview.com. Readers can reach Dave at dwquote@prodigy.net or his website, www.daveweinbaum.com. Listen to the Dave Weinbaum Radio Talk show on KTTR 99.7 FM and 1490 AM on Friday mornings starting at 9:05.)