What we learned from the Olympic figure skating team event

Views are that of the author, may not reflect those of the Canadian Olympic Committee.

There Are Misfits Everywhere

Russia is ostensibly the birthplace of ballet and its classical influence on Russian figure skating is unmistakable. But then Ksenia Stolbova & Fedor Klimov come along and remind us that there are weirdos everywhere, even in the sternly proud nation of Russia. Ksenia & Fedor’s pairs free program, set to music from The Addams Family, was bizarrely fun in a way that most top programs are just not. The choreography was so weird in the absolute best way and they skated the program like they just love it. Ksenia’s happy shuffle in the kiss & cry was the vodka-flavoured icing on the cake. Clear front-runners for most fun non-Canadian figure skaters.

Canadians Love To Hug

Figure skating is as individual a sport as it gets. You compete on your own, in the middle of a huge expanse of ice, completely separated from a giant group of people that are staring at you and, both officially & unofficially, judging you. Really, the essence of competitive figure skating is, “Dance, monkey, dance! No, not like that…” Transforming the fundamental selfcentredness of figure skating into the camaraderie of a team sport didn’t appear to be much of a challenge for the Olympics and the Canadian team took to it like ducks to water (or like Canadians to ice. Boom!) It seemed like every time the cameras showed us a glimpse of the Canadian figure skating team, they were having an adorable group hug. Getting to see Canada’s figure skaters thrive in the support of a team environment was pretty great. Consider this an official vote for more team events and more team hugs!

Ashley Wagner Would Prefer More Points, Thank You Very Much

Ashley Wagner skated her short program in the team event and the good news is she stayed on her feet. The bad news is she stayed on both of her feet. Ashley was docked marks for a couple of two-foot landings but still, she would have liked to have a few more points, judges. We know this because Ashley doesn’t believe in poker faces. She also doesn’t believe in not swearing on TV. Polite applause, stifled tears…ugh, boring. Indignant facial expressions, apparent cursing? Yeah, that’s awesome. Full points to Ashley Wagner for emotional commitment off the ice. Here’s hoping Ashley is satisfied with her performances in the individual event but if not, there are definitely some awesome post-skate reactions in our future.

Yulia Lipnitskaya Should Probably See A Doctor

Yulia Lipitniskaya is continuing the hallowed tradition of figure skating wunderkinds and that’s wonderful but someone really needs to get her to a doctor. Sure, it looks like she is exceptionally fit. I mean, she can add a triple toe to anything but, guys, have you seen her spins? That Biellmann spin? Come on. Yulia is clearly missing more than a few vertebrae. Her Biellmann is so ridiculously extended that, honestly, it needs a new name. Something like, “Is there a doctor in the house? I am in need of medical assistance as I do believe that I have fractured my spine!” And her spirals! Something terrible has definitely happened to the tendons in Yulia’s hips. The figure skating community has ignored Yulia’s injuries for far too long. Luckily, the ladies’ short program isn’t until February 19th so there is plenty of time to get her the medical attention she needs before she is scheduled take on the ladies’ field.

Did you enjoy the Olympic figure skating team event? What was your favourite Team Canada hug? The individual competition starts Tuesday morning with the Pairs Short Program in which Canada will have three stellar teams competing so you best be gettin’ up early.