Video-games players 'easily able to differentiate between games and reality'

A recent study conducted by a team of not feckless researchers indicates that the majority of gamers are easily able to differentiate between the opposing worlds of games and reality. Although the gamers involved with the research all admitted to 'thoroughly enjoying' playing video-games, at no point in their past, present or immediate future have they ever believed they were either a blue hedgehog collecting gold coins, a short Italian plumber jumping on turtles or a tennis ball being whacked across a featureless court until someone goes mental. One teenager, 15-year-old Alan, made this keen observation, 'If I have to turn on my Xbox, look at my television and then play a game using a games console controller, I can categorically say that I am most likely playing a video-game. If I'm not doing these things, it's more likely that I am not playing a video-game and am experiencing the phenomenon known as reality. The two things are very different indeed.' Steven, 19, had this to say, 'You would have to be literally psychotic to think real life was a video-game. Anyone who has trouble with this concept needs medical help using their brain. I'm not even saying that in a patronizing way, I would genuinely feel bad for them. It would be dreadful.'

Recent research conducted by The Nottingham Trent university of Mind-Fisting claimed to have discovered the concept of 'games transfer lying' from its research into the effects of gaming. This research has been strongly refuted by People With Functioning Brains Society spokesman, Lee Logic, 'These kids are doing something they enjoy, something quite harmless and now they're being coerced into making ludicrous statements, which are then taken out of context and used in this pathetic, lazy manner merely to fuel some sensationalist bollocks. Fuck these 'researchers', hard and whilst wearing a Stetson hat.'