I’ve kept my first meditation experience a secret – until now.

With legs twisted into place, my bones creaked as they settled into their hinges. It was my first time meditating and I was surprised by the stiffness of my young body. Like I had never used it properly before. And maybe I hadn’t.

The floor in my dorm room was hard and cold, causing the hair on my arms to rise. The instructions from my Japanese Religion professor were simple enough but the whole setup felt theatrical.

I reached upward with the top of my head to straighten my spine. Each segment popped into place as I exhaled. There were surely sounds of campus life around me but I only remember hearing the crackling of static as I drifted.

The back of my eyelids weren’t familiar to me. At least not with the sun shining through them, illuminating the microscopic space with a pink aura. I was instructed to focus on my natural breath, which made me chuckle a little. When had my breath become mechanical?

So I sat. I breathed. Then, miraculously, I floated.

My mind had become a glowing green light that expanded and contracted with every breath. I felt huge and borderless, yet safe and connected, like I had plugged into my mother’s womb again. It’s hard to say how long I suspended there before waking up because time no longer mattered.

I never intended to lie about my first meditation experience, but as my classmates described their noisy minds and overall frustration with the assignment, I felt this deep desire to keep it all to myself. Not because I was afraid of being different but because some things are meant to be sacred.

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Over a decade later, I’m starting to meditate consistently again. Not that I haven’t practiced it sporadically over the years, but meditation seems to drop out of my life when things get busy, or when I’m feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Makes perfect sense, I know.

One of my favorite tools so far has been the Headspace app. It’s guided, which is nice when you’re a beginner and need structure. Plus, the animations and thoughtful user experience make me smile.