Everton transfer budget stuns onlookers

Onlookers were left stunned yesterday as the true scale of this summer’s Everton transfer budget became apparent, a deal to sign Romelu Lukaku for £28m has confirmed.

The onlookers, looking on, couldn’t help but be wowed in passing as they caught sight of the whacking great transfer war chest sitting outside Goodison Park, in scenes that are already being described as “wow, look at that”.

Toffees boss Roberto Martínez moved quickly to sign the Belgian striker from Chelsea once it became apparent that he had an unprecedented wad to spend on his squad, the net result of a decade’s worth of austerity, player sales and more Sky money than anyone could handle.

He said: “It’s always been a boyhood dream of mine to give our manager £28m to spend in a year, let alone on one player.

“I’m lucky enough to have done some great things in my life – appearing on Corrie, producing Blood Brothers, that other show I was on – but giving Roberto the green light to spend all that money, it really does top the lot.

“It’s just a shame David Moyes couldn’t be here to enjoy this. He would have loved £28m, he really would have.

“Maybe they’ll pay him that much to be a pundit somewhere.”

Moyes remained philosophical as he marched his way to a local wine bar with his sleeves rolled up.