A Memoir From the Trenches

Rant: Boob-Nazis

Ok, I know equating breastfeeding lunatics with a political group who terrorized and practiced genocide on a mass scale is hardly fair, but it gives you a fair idea of how strongly I feel about the groups of mothers who advocate only one way of parenting, birthing or feeding your children as correct. Grrrr….

I'm talking about the women and select medical or lay childbirth and breastfeeding support that try and espouse that their way is superior to any other. Who tout (loudly) that unmedicated childbirth is better in every way, and every case than any other method, that breastfeeding exclusively until your child is eating corn-on-the-cob and can tie his own shoes (alright I'm exaggerating, but I'm hot) is the only responsible means of feeding your child. Grrrr…..

This is an ongoing problem among mothers- and I hate it. Absolutely despise it. The thing is, I have the perspective of seeing the issues of childbirth and breastfeeding from both sides. I've had my babies both medicated with wonderful epidurals, and natural, feeling all the glorious burn. I have had terrible struggles with breastfeeding, I have pumped more than a 1000 hours in my childbearing years so far, had infants who cannot nurse, sick infants who require special supplementation, breast surgery, and finally an infant who nurses beautifully. Other than a nursing baby being much more convenient than pumping, none of these things is better than another. None of them are badges of motherhood or of my feminity or my womanhood.

I don't need or want someone with an agenda, political or social, trying to tell me what is best for my particular family, or why what I am doing is wrong. The presumption of many of these groups is that "If we educate you, you will understand and agree we are right"- To me this kind of arrogance is astounding. It is also unbelievingly presumptuous- to believe there is one way of doing something (giving birth or feeding your baby) insults my intelligence. It questions my stewardship over my children, and assumes I am ignorant and uninformed. That is a mighty big assumption, ladies and gentlemen, to make about any mother who doesn't make the same choices as another. I resent it.

There is a thread in the comments on MMW right now that got me all fired up about his. I tried to stay out of it for a while, and I tried to be civil. But now I'm steamed. Folks, there are as many "right" ways of loving and caring for you children as there are mothers. Unmedicated birth with a midwife is in NO WAY superior to a hospital birth with an epidural. (And don't start throwing links and statistics at me- I'm aware of them and have read a great deal-it doesn't change how I feel at all about allowing others their freedom to choose for themselves.) Breastfeeding until your child is two may help your child's health, but there are a thousand other factors that build a child as well. And frankly, I'm ready to kick over that Column of Superiority with women waiting to "educate" me.

Just say something to me when I pull out a bottle for Abby- it might be breastmilk, it might be formula. Say something.
I dare you.

17 thoughts on “Rant: Boob-Nazis”

I so agree. Sadly I used to be one of those “only one way” moms….until I had a baby. Then I realized every kid is different, every mom is different and there are SO many factors that go into everything that I came to the conclusion that there isn’t only ONE way. There can’t be. That would make us all robots.

Who knew posting a link to an article would get such a response? Breastfeeding is a touchy issue(no pun intended). I got looks when I fed my baby a pumped bottle, too, (dr.s orders)and someone even said time “you know, it’s not just the milk, it’s the cuddling and the bonding too.”

Great. So now I have to pump a ton, AND get naked and cuddle every time she eats? That’s like the worst of both worlds!

I started ignoring them all. My life improved drastically. And, BTW, the reason I stopped nursing my third, who nursed beautifully, was when I got on the scale and realized I weighed 98 lbs. I’m 5’7, and I had huge boobs due to all the milk. It was not a healthy weight, and I just couldn’t eat fast enough to replace all the calories I was losing. So I stopped for my health, because at some point my personal well being had to come into play. I gained 15 pounds immediately, thankfully.

I wish women would just shut up when other women are doing something DIFFERENT with their children – barring abusive things, of course – and just realize that if it works for you, it STILL might not work for someone else.

Women are nutty enough (and I say that lovingly) without our beating each other up over dumb things like this. Who cares? Is the kid getting fed? Is he healthy? Then shut up.

Thank you for standing up for people who cannot breastfeed, or at least the conventional way. I get so sick of people like Em pushing their crap on us. You know, generations were NOT breastfed because it wasn’t socially OK at the time. And somehow, we didn’t all turn into total idiots and the world didn’t fall apart.

I love your rant. I feel the same way. IME, the real nazis are those with very limited experience. The more experiences we have in life, the less judgemental most of us are. That’s why most older women, or women with more than 1 or two (or no) children are less zealous in their opinions.

Frankly, I don’t think your doing much bonding with the baby if you are dreading the next feeding and cringing every time you nurse. Yeah, I know it’s not supposed to hurt if your doing it right. So I’ll just consider myself nursing handicapped and let my babies grow strong on a nice bottle of formula. Just like I did.

No em, you’re all good, I knew it wasn’t you- not your voice. Isn’t it funny how our writing really does become distinct to our personalities?? At least if we are doing a half-way passable job of our writing!

Wiz- I was trying not to be jealous of all the coments on a link thread too! Man, and we pour ourselves out, what do we get…? oh, yeah, satisfaction and sanity!

It was easier, really? My boob doctor basically told me that there is no way to tell until you try. So I will give it a shot. But it is good to hear that it was easier for you. I mean, with my last two…I practically suffocated them with my big ole boobs. So at least we won’t have to worry about that:)