After more than 80 movies, surviving a helicopter crash and a stroke, the famous actor finds fulfillment in Torah study.

I was in a helicopter and we had just lifted 50 feet above the ground. At the same time, a small plane was taking off with an instructor and his student. We collided. Our helicopter crashed to the tarmac. But the plane exploded. Its two passengers were killed.

I woke up in the hospital, tormented by a wave of guilt – why did those two young people die? Why was I alive? That haunted me. And I tried to find the answer.

Where do you find an answer to a question like that? Where would you go? See a fortune-teller – have your cards read? An astrologer? Or maybe go to India – find a guru? An audience with the Dalai Lama?

But I never thought of Judaism for the answer.

See, Judaism and I parted ways a long time ago, when I was a poor kid growing up in Amsterdam, N.Y.

Back then, I was pretty good in cheder, so the Jews of our community thought they would do a wonderful thing and collect enough money to send me to a yeshiva to become a rabbi.

I didn't want to be a rabbi. I wanted to be an actor.

Holy Moses! That scared the hell out of me. I didn't want to be a rabbi. I wanted to be an actor. Believe me, the members of the Sons of Israel were persistent. I had nightmares – wearing long payos and a black hat. I had to work very hard to get out of it.

But it took me a long time to learn that you don't have to be a rabbi to be a Jew.

A Frightening Story

I got frightened away from Judaism at age 14 after reading the story of Abraham and Isaac: God orders Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac.

I remember the picture in my hebrew school book. Abraham with a long beard. In one outstretched hand holding a large knife, in the other – a frightened little boy. And that kid looked an awful lot like me! A hovering angel was having a hard time restraining Abraham. How could he convince him that this was only a test.

Some test!

That picture stayed in my mind for a long time as I drifted away from Judaism.

I grew up, went to college, but my Judaism stayed stuck in a 14-year-old boy's hebrew school book.

It has been pointed out to me that no rational adult would make a business decision based on what they knew when they were 14. You wouldn't decide who to marry based on what you knew about love and relationships when you were 14. But lots of us seem satisfied to dismiss religion based on what we learned at 14, and I was one of those that stupid.

Lots of us dismissed religion based on what we learned at 14, and I was that stupid.

Of course, I always knew I was a Jew. I even auditioned to join a Yiddish Theater in New York. They looked at my blonde hair and blue eyes and said: "If we have a part for a Nazi, we'll call you."

Although I felt drawn to the drama and the mystery of Judaism, other aspects pushed me away. What did I have in common with those black-hatted, bearded men with their long payos?

But as time went on, I began to see it a little differently.

The catalyst was my son Michael. One day he asked me: "Dad, where did our ancestors come from?"

That startled me. I wasn't sure. I knew my parents came from Russia, someplace called Mogilev.

I suddenly realized that I knew nothing about my background. Anyone who could tell me was now long dead. I had no ancestors.

This thought depressed me. It haunted me. I had no ancestors! Can a man know who he truly is, if he doesn't know his ancestors?

I was lying in my room pondering this question for the umpteenth time, when I happened to look up over my bed. There on the wall hangs my collection of Chagalls – the lithographs from his Bible series. It hit me. Here were my ancestors!

I started to read about them and the more I read the happier I felt. Why? They all came from dysfunctional families. Like me. They all had problems.

Cain kills Abel. Jacob deceives his father. Joseph gets sold into slavery by his brothers. One sinner after another and despite that they were given a second chance. They all overcame the odds and accomplished great things!

What an inspiration to a sinner like me. And what a load of guilt off my shoulders.

I was very grateful to Chagall for reminding me what an incredible lineage I had come from. Then I found out that Chagall, a Russian Jew, came from a town near my parents' in White Russia. In fact, my father and Chagall both left that region, known as Pale of Settlement, about the same time. Chagall became a famous artist in Paris, and my father became a famous ragman in Amsterdam, New York. Jews have diverse talents.

The Wonder of Jewish Survival

How did we survive? Lost in different parts of the world, among strange cultures – constantly persecuted. Yet, our tormentors rose and fell, and we still hung on. The Babylonians, the Persians, Greeks, Romans, all are long gone but we remain.

And that is when I realized that we should thank those pious, black-hatted, bearded Jews – for keeping Judaism alive for so long.

We should thank those pious, bearded Jews for keeping Judaism alive for so long.

They understood something very deep that we more secular types never learned. God gave us the Torah – and that made us the conscience of the world.

The ideas of love, compassion, kindness to strangers and the poor, the ideas of holiness of human purpose, a reverence for life and self-discipline all – all come from the Torah.

Even if we Jews sometimes forget that, our persecutors remember.

Here is what Adolf Hitler said:

It is true we Germans are barbarians; that is an honored title to us. I free humanity from the shackles of the soul: from the degrading suffering caused by the false vision called conscience and ethics. The Jews have inflicted two wounds on mankind: circumcision on its body and conscience on its soul. They are Jewish inventions. The war for the domination of the world is waged only between these two camps alone, the Germans and the Jews. Everything else is but deception.

Hitler was right. It's all about the battle between good and evil. I'm just beginning to realize what that means for us Jews, and it scares me. It carries such an enormous responsibility.

No wonder that so many Jews have tried to escape into the safety of assimilation. But that safety always turns out to be a trap.

Amazing isn't it – before the Nazis came to power, Germany was the country where Jews had assimilated to a staggering degree. Judaism was dying out. And then the German people, who had absorbed the Jews with such open-arms, turned on them with such hatred.

It has happened over and over again.

How odd that, with all the persecutions we have been subjected to, the worst comes when we've moved away from Judaism. Is God telling us something? I'm beginning to think so.

Throughout my life, when I was moving farther and farther from Judaism, I always clung to a single thread – Yom Kippur. On that one day I fasted. I might be shooting it out with Burt Lancaster or John Wayne but I always fasted.

You see, there was something frightening to me about that book in which is written – who shall live and who shall die – who will survive a helicopter crash, like me, and who will be killed.

Coming Home

My helicopter crash brought to my consciousness what had been roiling under the surface for all those years.

I made a visit to Israel after a 12-year absence. I had filmed four movies there. I had been there many times but I stayed away too long. I was excited.

We drove up to the King David Hotel in Jerusalem. Everyone seemed so glad to see me again. They ushered me and my wife into our room. I walked to the window and stared out at the magnificent view of the Old City, the Ottoman Empire walls surrounded by grass and flowers.

The first time I looked out of that same window more than 40 years ago, I saw Arab soldiers, pacing back and forth, keeping me out of the Old City, making sure I couldn't get to the Kotel, the Holy Wall.

How Israel had changed since then. So many new things. But more important, so many OLD things.

The OLD is what brought me back. I didn't wait to change my clothes. I rushed out of the hotel. The sun was just setting.

The Wall was crowded with worshippers. The energy emanating from all the praying Jews, davening at a wild pace, was overwhelming. I moved through the crowd. It was difficult to find a place to touch the wall.

I looked around for a crevice where I could put the tiny piece of paper with my prayer. I found one. As I reached deep, my fingers touched other pieces placed there before me. Had those prayers been answered?

I think so. Because God answers all prayers, but sometimes the answer is "no."

Confronting the Past

I took a walk through the tunnel along the foundations of the Temple. That tunnel takes you deep along what once was the most sacred place to all Jews.

As I slowly walked along following my guide, I let my fingers caress the huge blocks of stone that enclose the mountain where the Temple once stood.

And then we stopped at the point where we could touch bedrock. My guide, a young girl from Pittsburgh who had moved to Israel, spoke softly: "This is the rock of Mount Moriah."

I looked at this rough, black stone. "Mount Moriah?" I asked. "You mean..."

She finished for me. "Yes, this is where Abraham took his son Isaac to be sacrificed."

The picture from my hebrew school book flashed into my mind. But it no longer frightened me. Now I knew that Abraham lived at a time when sacrificing your son to idols was a common practice. The lesson of Mount Moriah was precisely that God does not want human sacrifice – that God is not Someone to be afraid of.

It was very quiet in the tunnel, dimly lit, cool.

My guide's voice was barely above a whisper: "This is where it all started."

I couldn't speak. She was right.

This place represented the beginning of my doubts. And, at long last, the end of them.

Here in the dark tunnel, touching the rock of Mount Moriah, I grew up.

That night I had Shabbat at a home in the heart of the Jewish Quarter. We sang songs, happy songs. I felt good. Through the open window I could hear the same songs echoing in the night, and see other houses lit by the warm light of candles.

I closed my eyes and I could see the face of my mother through the candlelight, saying the Shabbat prayers.

That night I felt that I had come home.

A Long Way To Go

And yet I know that my journey is not over. I still have a long way to go.

When I first picked up the Torah, I was encouraged. It has only 350 pages. But when I began to study seriously, I realized why they say that Judaism is a lifetime of learning. It took me more than two months just to get out of the Garden of Eden.

Before I could finish my back gave out and I had an operation. Two weeks later I had a stroke.

After that my life was consumed by having to learn to speak again.

I'm not as cocky as I used to be. I no longer take speech for granted. I see it as a miracle.

Now I am not as cocky as I used to be. I no longer take speech for granted. When I had no trouble with it, it seemed so natural. You think a thought and then you express it vocally. You don't realize that there are thousands of nerve endings in your cheek, your tongue, your lips. You never think of the movement of your tongue against your teeth – all coordinated with your vocal chords. It's a miracle.

Miracles come only from God. And they are all around us. I remember being suddenly awakened by an earthquake. I was almost thrown out of my bed. Such power – where did it come from? Have you ever watched a hurricane and seen large trees uprooted like toothpicks. It is awesome.

Have you ever looked up at the sky on a dark night? There are a hundred billion stars in our galaxy alone and there are billions of other galaxies. Billions of light years away!

Such a huge miracle staggers the mind.

But I am hoping for a small miracle.

I am hoping it's not too late for me.

If God is a patient God, maybe He'll give me enough time to learn the things I need to know to understand what it is that makes us Jews the conscience of the world.

A: I heard that in Jewish wisdom a man gets to live 70 years and then he starts to live all over again. So when I hit 83, I was 13 again and I had a second Bar Mitzvah. I really did feel that I was given a second chance because I was in a helicopter crash some years back. When I woke up in the hospital, I was in awful pain, but I felt so guilty because two young people had died. And I said, "why am I alive?" After my helicopter crash and my stroke, I think I began to think of other people. And then I began to study the Bible.

You know, I wrote a book for children called "Young Heroes of the Bible" because I became very fascinated with the Bible. It is the greatest human drama. It has everything you can think of. And I wrote this book to try to get kids interested in reading the Bible. They'll see that there were kids like Abraham and Miriam and David who were heroes. Abraham as a young boy worked in his father idol shop and he broke all the idols. So far people have liked it, and I like writing.

Q: How did the day of your second Bar Mitzvah affect you?

A: I felt good, because I felt now I'm 13-years-old again! I can start all over. It was very touching. People said, "Kirk, now you've gotten religious." I don't think so. 'Religion' implies too much ritual. I prefer to say I have become more interested in the spiritual side.

Q: What did you think of the big celebrity/media turnout for your Bar Mitzvah?

A: I was intrigued that people, especially non-Jews, found it so fascinating. It was very, very exciting really. There were about two hundred people – many more people than when I was first Bar Mitzvah'd.

Q: You referred to 'starting all over again,' yet you don't strike us as being a man who looks back with regrets.

A: I don't. You know, that's very discerning because I don't generally look back. But when I wrote my first book, "The Ragman's Son," I said, "wait a minute – I have to take inventory. Where did I come from? Where am I now? Where am I going?" And I think everybody must do that from time to time, take stock. But it's true, in general I like to look ahead. But I think at the same time, it's important to occasionally take inventory and look back a little bit.

Q: You're a beloved Hollywood figure, especially by your fellow actors. Do you feel loved by the general public when you go out?

A: I don't know. The one thing I don't want is pity [because I had a stroke]. I want to be judged based on what I am. I realize that I have always been attracted to people who overcome handicaps. A became friends with Jim McLaren who lost his leg in college. At the time I was writing a novel about a bullfighter who loses his leg. I wanted to know about it, so I met him. He was the world's champion triathlete among handicapped people. He had a prosthesis. He invited me to see him race once in Orange County, but I couldn't go. Well, the last part of the triathlon was the bicycle race, and a truck ran the police barrier and Jim hit a lamp post. I went to see him the next day in the hospital, and now he was a paraplegic. He is handsome fellow, 6-foot-5, and had been functioning without one leg. Now he couldn't move anything. I admire him. I saw him three weeks ago, and he's taking some classes in Santa Barbara. He doesn't ask for pity. He's functioning and I admire that.

Q: What do you think about the buzz in Hollywood concerning a possible Oscar nomination for your performance in "Diamonds?" [In his newest movie, "Diamonds," Mr. Douglas stars as a former boxing champion who, in his twilight years, is a widower recovering from a stroke. The movie's title is inspired by its plot, where his character teams up with his son and grandson to recover some diamonds they suspect were stolen from him. It also stars Dan Ackroyd and Lauren Bacall.]

A: Listen, I have been nominated three times – for "Champion," "The Bad and the Beautiful," and "Lust for Life," but I never won. But that's not so bad. The bad thing is each time I had the most beautiful acceptance speech, and I couldn't get the chance to use it! Yes, there's been some talk that I might be nominated for "Diamonds," and of course I would love it, but I will not be annihilated if I don't get nominated, or if I do get nominated.

Q: In an interview with the "Los Angeles Times", you were asked how you would like to be remembered, and you responded, "I tried." Any additional thoughts?

A: I tell my kids, "All you can do in life is try." I tried my best. If you don't succeed, you can say to yourself, 'I tried.' That's the most important thing in life. I tried.

About the Author

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 47

(46)
Ben Matti Eloranta,
January 1, 2015 9:39 PM

Thanks and congratulations

Congratulations (a bit late) for your 98th Birthday in December! We appreciate you as a talented actor. Especially we like your movies "Lust for Life" and "Spartacus". And we thank you for forwarding Jewish values. G-d bless you!

(45)
Anonymous,
December 11, 2013 10:34 PM

I enjoyed reading your essay. I have always enjoyed your stellar acting talents. I never realized you are Jewish. I am not Jewish, however, my eyes have been open reading Aish.com. It's heartwarming to see you returned to your faith. My prayer for humanity would be for every baby born that it would include Torah on the birth certificate. See... babies do come with instructions!

(44)
Anonymous,
December 9, 2013 8:19 PM

I am so happy.....

that you came back to what you know is Truth. Thank you for sharing your story. We all have so much to live for. Learning Torah makes it Holy.

(43)
Alex Smuckler,
July 26, 2012 10:47 AM

A great actor and a great author

Dear Mr. Douglas
I have been a life long fan of yours. Perhaps you will recall my dad
Harold Smuckler he had an autographed picture of you hanging in his shoe store in Albany Ny for many years. He recalled to me a time when he knew you as Izzy Demsky in the 1940s. I was fascinated that he knew a movie star , but to him you were a special friend. I am a Mason and one of my brothers is your nephew Fred Simon. That's all for now.
Sincerely
Alex Smuckler

(42)
solly gild,
June 18, 2012 7:49 PM

the last train to gunhill

Hi kirk,i remember you in the Last Train to Gunhill.
would loverto see it again.You have always been one of my most favourite actors
regards
solly gild capetown south africa ,was at the kotel last month

(41)
allan billingham,
June 17, 2012 12:06 PM

SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN TO BE GREAT THESPIANS KIRK DOUGLAS DEFINATLEY FALLS INTO THAT CATERGORY

(40)
Anonymous,
May 24, 2012 2:12 PM

Mr. Douglas
I watched the "The Last Sunset" starring you and Rock Hudson on the western channel the other day, and I decided to look you up on the internet. I can't believe you're 95 yrs old and still going strong. You are definitely one of the great ones. Besides the last sunset, my other favorite is "Lonely are the Brave". I wish Netflix allowed its' users to search for movies by actors. I love old movies starring you or Randolph Scott. It's seem strange to me that my mother had to go to the movie theater to watch so many of these old movies I've come to love. We love you Mr. Douglas.
A fan from Maryland

(39)
Boone Bureenok,
March 17, 2012 8:13 AM

What a life of prodigal son turned- truely a Jew of modern time!

For him that never forgets his own root is the one will be genuinely blessed and be consciously enlightened. Mr. Douglas has completely fulfilled his long dream of becoming a true Jew as promised in the Bible, "And thou shall love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might" Deuteronomy 6.5

(38)
Michael Vogel,
April 25, 2011 7:17 PM

My Bar Mitzvah

Kirk Douglas inspired me to have my Bar Mitzvah at 60 years old. My daughter was studing for her Bat Mitzvah so I joined a class of 11-13 year old kids so my daughter and I could have a joint ceremony. My wife describes it as her daughter becoming a woman ahd her husband becoming a man on the same day.

(37)
Ann Brady,
January 9, 2011 4:58 PM

A True Hollywood Hero

Dear Mr. Douglas, you have given such a lovely comment on Life and on your own family story. To speak so lovingly of your Ancestors - all our Ancestors. Long life is a blessing from G-d, even if fraught with human troubles. Your long life has meant a blessing passed on to us through your own stories. Thank you.

(36)
Eric Fuller,
July 17, 2010 5:57 AM

Life's Role Model

The contribution to me as a young man seeing Spartacus was immeasurable, and the portrayal was of someone anti-establishment - that I could definitely relate to as life unfolded for me in the late 60's. I occasionally listen to the soundtrack by Alex North and it all comes back to me.. The desperation of seeking freedom and justice by other means in the face of tyranny is a choice that many of us are forced
to partake of. Let me say the line of Peter Ustinov that never dims, "a thousand pardons" , as a non-Jewish fan of Kirk who feels compelled to pay tribute to a great icon. Get well soon, Kirk!.

(35)
Ben Matti and family,
September 11, 2008 3:25 PM

Our thanks

Our family has for a long time appreciated Kirk Douglas as a fine actor. We have loved "Spartacus", "Lust for life" and many other great films. But yesterday we watched for the first time a film, about which we have not known until recently.It was recommended in the fine program of Barry and Batya Segal. The film is "Cast a Giant Shadow", starring Kirk Douglas and telling about Col.Mickey Marcus in the remarkable years (1947-1948) of the rebirth of Israeli nation.In fact we wondered why this great film is not more well-known in our country. It is a fine film, telling an impressive story.
It was remarkable that Col Marcus had served in Gen Patton's army.
The role is superbly played by Mr. Douglas. We want to thank him for this and many other wonderful film roles, which have given a lot to the film-loving people. Mazel tov! G-d bless!

(34)
Jack LaBrecque,
June 17, 2008 9:37 PM

I once met Kirk Douglas

He was making "Two Weeks in Another Town" in Rome and I had taken a tour to Rome while my ship was in port. As a few of my fellow Marines and I approached the Spanish Steps late one evening, we noticed it was lit up very brightly. They were shooting a day scene on the Spanish Steps. When to crew saw us watching what was going on, they brought us over to Kirk Douglas to meet him. What a thrill it was for us young Marines. Kirk was great and he made us feel good when he thanked us for our service to our country. He said he had never been a Marine but played them a few times in the movies and really respected U.S. Marines. He even held up shooting the scene because he wanted to talk to us. Thank you Kirk Douglas for being the man your are.

Semper Fidelis

francisco alvarez,
June 13, 2011 9:13 PM

he is my favorite actor.

he is or was a great actor.,....I really enjoy all his movies.........

(33)
Anonymous,
May 13, 2008 8:27 AM

My father worked in the dishroom at St. Lawrence University with Kirk Douglas

My father, Lawrence Hynes worked with Kirk Douglas at the St. Lawrence University in the cafeteria where they washed dishes together. Once, when Mr. Douglas was doing a play on Broadway, he went to visit him backstage. My father died in 1976. I was wondering if Mr. Douglas could tell me any stories about him that would be fun to share with my son and family. He always talked about Mr. Douglas when I was growing up and was very fond of him.

(32)
Anonymous,
February 11, 2008 4:33 PM

MY husband was in perfect health and was a runner,biker & swimmer and didn't take any medications he was in perfect health.

My husband had an hemmoragic stroke 1 year ago last january. Wwatched Diamonds I didn't no what it was about then I realized it was the life we are living now. I explained to my husband that you also had a stroke and you were talking and walking (he is paralized on his right side and can't speak. It was so uplifting for me to see what you acomplished. My husband understands everything he just can't get the words out. I would like to no where you got the vcr tape you were using ind the movie, we are all out of options but not going to give up. I would really like to try the tape with him. We have been married 44 years this month and what a present it would be to just hear him say my name. We watched the movie 3 nights in a row and I kept telling him if Kirk Douglas can learn to talk and walk you can too. Thanks so much for Diamonds.

(31)
Anonymous,
May 31, 2007 4:15 AM

reaction to Kirk's book 'Climbing the mountain'

I came to this website after reading Kirk's book 'Climbing the mountain' which I suppose I could call autobiography part 2. It is a wonderful, thoughtful read and I recommend it. Kirk is full of wisdom and writes with compassion and honesty, to a degree that brought me to tears occasionally. (I am a moslem, if that makes any difference to you)

(30)
Stan Lewis,
February 12, 2007 8:27 PM

Please send to Mr. Douglas

I love Kirk Douglas movies, I wish he and I were both 30 years old again so he could make many more movies He is a national treasure.

(29)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2006 12:00 AM

It was very intersting to read the article about actor Kirk Douglas. We have for a long time admired Mr. Douglas as a fine actor. Of his many roles we want to mention "The Big Trees", "Lust for Life", "Reap the Wind" and a Jewish man in the series "Touch of an Angel". We wish you Shabbat Shalom!Mr.

(28)
Jay Mandelker,
February 15, 2006 12:00 AM

An amazing country viewed by an amazing actor

I just returned from my (only) sixth trip to Israel during which a high school friend, who moved there 30 years ago, and I reminisced and spoke of the growth of this country. She told me that Kirk Douglas was here (where we were) and I mentioned that my uncle (from N.Y.) knew Mickey Marcus, et voila, a new conversation evolved. I want to rent a copy of Climbing the Mountain and encourage everyone to visit Israel. There's more to see in that little country than you can ever imagine. It's a great place for beaches, desert and everything in between. Oh, by the way, historical significance is mind boggling. Don't forget your camera, sun block and bathing suit! Enjoy.

(27)
Myrna McGhie,
August 11, 2005 12:00 AM

Thank You . . .

I began enjoying Kirk Douglas back when I was a child in the 50's and 60s. I had a poster of him on my wall along with posters Gary Cooper, Clark Gable, Robert Taylor, John Wayne and Jimmy Stewart. They were my heroes. I was so thrilled to see Kirk and Michael Douglas on Larry King last night. Seeing them and hearing their family story touched my heart. Kirk Douglas is still my hero, and he has a wonderful son in Michael. Shalom!

(26)
Steven Edward Aanes,
December 18, 2004 12:00 AM

Thank you for your life.

Berachos to you, Mr. D! Your wonderful life has affected me in extremis over the years. I never knew my father and as a child used to imagine I was one of the "The Vikings" crowd.
May G-d grant you peace in your recent family loss. I lost someone dear to me yesterday afternoon. We will one day be reunited with our loved ones.
G-d bless you!!
Steven from Oakwood, GA

(25)
Ita Leitner,
July 9, 2004 12:00 AM

Very nice and toucing.

I was born in Polant and immegrated to Israel as a young child and now I live in the States. More then ever, My/our judaism identity is important to me. I am trying to maintain the tradition and our pride in my daughters. My husband too, started to read the Torah and finished it. I am re-reading it and learning them from a different prospective.

Please accept our Sympathy to you and your Family. May you have comfort in the good times you shared with Eric.

(24)
Stella Carbone,
July 7, 2004 12:00 AM

Dear Mr. Douglas. Today is a very sad day for the Douglas family. May I take a moment to say how very sorry I am for the loss of your son Eric. There is no greater pain than the loss a child. With deepest sorrow. Stella Carbone

(23)
Sheila Labbe,
May 28, 2004 12:00 AM

Thank You Kirk Douglas

A great big thanks to Kirk Douglas for his courage in dealing with his stroke. My mother who is 74 had a stroke in 1997 and couldn't speak that well or write, clean her home, nothing. She's recovered most of the way and talks pretty well and can write again. She saw his movie "Diamonds" and it gives her much happiness to see it. Makes her feel good to see that he can be in movies again. It gives her hope that she can get better too. Blessings- Sheila Labbe, oh and this is from my mom-XOXO

(22)
Russell E. Burlingame,
March 25, 2004 12:00 AM

"DIAMONDS" is my touchstone with Mr. Douglas.

I have survived five (5) cerebral aneurysms, four (4) of which ruptured, and all together resulted in three (3) brain surgeries. The one (1) which did not rupture resulted in my second surgery as a followup to the first where the surgeons said they found "a lot" of scar tissue and another aneurysm of such immensity that they were afraid to release me. (I can document all of this and more in my medical records). So, in 1985, I had two brain surgeries back-to-back, and a third in 1996.

I hope I have conveyed the substance of the reason(s) why I feel (at 55) I can relate to Mr. Douglas's stroke recovery, as well as his subsiquent spiritual drive. I love the depth of his performance in "DIAMONDS." I even purchased a VHS copy for myself.

However, for me, the subsiquence of all of those ruptures and surgeries, is that I get to observe my ongoing diminishing capacities, which are mental as well as physical - I am subject to an atypical type of seizure, and short term memory problems.

My hopes, desires and prayers here are that I might actually be able to hear from Mr. Douglas on a somewhat casual level, and/or, most audaciously, to seek his help in telling my story while I still can.

Most Sincerely,
Russell E. Burlingame

(21)
Rabbi Mordechai Salfer,
January 26, 2004 12:00 AM

You don't know in what ways you can change lives

I am an very orthodox Yeshiva rabbi in Cleveland Ohio. I have been completing an internship in clinical psychology to G-d willing open a Yeshiva for boys who have learning needs. As part of my internship, I have been running intensive outpatient groups in a well known hospital for adolescents who have been chemically addicted. Try to imagine the picture, me with them. I also work with the families of these kids, in a separate family group. I heard Michael read Kirk's book "My Stroke of Luck" on my way to New York, by car with my wife and three young children. I was so moved that I wrote down a few of the quotes when we stopped at a rest stop. I went to the library to get the book and instead of them ordering for me the book, they got me his new movie, It Runs in the Family, where he acts as the grandfather who is recovering from a stroke. So much of the book is in the movie. I felt that it was such a great tool for teaching families about family dysfunction that I had all of the teens and their families come together one nite for a showing of the movie and then for weeks afterwards we have been discussing the movie. Each new family who comes to my drug counseling sessions are advised to see the movie before starting. You never know how you can affect people's lives, all you can do is do what you know is the right thing that you are able to do. Thank you Kirk.

(20)
Anonymous,
November 3, 2003 12:00 AM

Kirk Douglas what a fine actor and writter.

I,like so many others, wish you could read this commentary. I just emailed your article to "Converts to Judaism" (an msn group) because I think your article touches so many people and I hope it will reach out to more. What a wonderful person you are inside.

Thank you for writting about your return back to Judaism.

(19)
STELLA CARBONE,
April 9, 2003 12:00 AM

THANK YOU

I WISH MR DOUGLAS COULD READ THIS. IT HAS BE A DREAM OF MINE TO MEET HIM....BUT I DON'T THINK THAT WILL HAPPEN. I HAVE READ ALL OF YOUR BOOKS. YOU WONDERED WHY GOD SPARED YOUR LIFE. I FOR ONE AM SO HAPPY THAT HE DID. WONDER NO MORE. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL TEACHER, YES, TEACHER. I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT IS INSIDE YOUR SOUL,ABOUT LIFE, RELIGION AND YOUR WONDERFUL STORIES. "THE GOLDEN BOX" IS SO BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE A HONEST MAN AND WHEN YOU MADE MISTAKES YOU NEVER BLAMED ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. I HOPE YOU WRITE THAT BOOK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER. I WOULD SO LIKE TO READ IT. BLESSINGS TO YOU. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE YEARS YOU HAVE GIVEN TO YOUR CRAFT, AND I HAVE ENJOYED YOUR TALENTS ALL THESE MANY YEARS. THANK YOU!

(18)
Lisa Ryder,
April 9, 2003 12:00 AM

A Gift

It is interesting that my mother (Stella Carbone) wrote about the story of the golden box in her comments to Kirk Douglas. A few years back she gave me a golden box with a beautiful note inside. It was one of the most meaningful gifts she has given me. She told me later that the story came from Kirk Douglas. His gift was able to touch me, although I never read his book nor have I followed his career. But I know after receiving my gift that he must be very special.

(17)
philip white,
December 29, 2002 12:00 AM

always liked kirk, even if he wasnt related to me

kirk is not only a great actor who i remember most from "spartacus", but his father and my great grandfather (menachem mendel demsky)were brothers. he bears a strong resemblance to my late cousin irving demsky and my late uncle david white. i am impressed by his return to judaism and his courage, and I and other cousins would very much like to meet/communicate with him and go over our shared demsky geneology.

(16)
RON GREENE,
October 20, 2002 12:00 AM

KIRK DOUGLAS IS THE VERY BEST IN ACTING.

I HAVE BEEN A BIG FAN OF KIRK DOUGLAS SINCE I WAS YOUNG(I'M 44 NOW).I WOULD VERY MUCH LOVE TO MEET HIM BEFORE HE'S UP ABOVE.THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE WITH HIM IN IT. I HAVE READ HIS BOOK 'RAGMANS SON' WHEN I WAS YOUNG ALSO AND ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AT RECOVERING .I HOPE YOU LIVE BEYOND 100.THANK YOU FOR ALL THE JOY IN MY LIFE FROM WATCHING YOU.TAKE CARE.

(15)
Boris Jovanovich,
May 23, 2002 12:00 AM

It is wounderfull to read the pages out of your life Mr,Kirk Douglas.I was saying to myself,you see we are here on earth for time only,and to be with out the soportof G-d ,life is indid emty and worthless.We can be the most powerfull leader on this earth but if we do not know G-d we are no one and emty.

(14)
Tzippy Wexler,
March 5, 2002 12:00 AM

Kirk's parents and my maternal grandfather come from same town i Russia

Mr. Douglas' is very spiritual and his story has touched me immensely and affected me positively. He is one of the greatest actors I have ever seen. Y'yasher kocho.

(13)
Anonymous,
January 6, 2002 12:00 AM

Would you please send this note to Mr. Douglas for me?

Dear Mr. Douglas,
I read with interest and then admiration your article in today's (Jan. 6, 2002) Parade. I, too, survived a devastating stroke in 1992. (I was pregnant and my 9 year old son was at 6 1/2 mos. gestation.) My entire right side was paralyzed, but the loss of speech was traumatic as I'd been an elementary teacher until the night of my stroke. I went through many of the feelings you experienced. Thanks to my family's loving support and gentle "push", I returned to work the following year. It's been extremely hard, but the rewards keep coming. Though I am no longer an award-winning teacher as I'd been before, my relationships with my students have gotten even stronger and I now have the ability to say, "What 'handicaps' - if I am able to teach again, just think of what positive things you will do with your life?" Bless you, Mr. Douglas, for speaking out in your article and inspiring me as well as many other stroke survivors.
Sincerely,
Terri Gilstad
tgilstad@bellsouth.net

(12)
trudi goodman,
December 1, 2000 12:00 AM

Just read Climbing...

I am an actor/performer, so I really LOVE reading books by Kirk Douglas, both fiction and non-fiction...his sense of language and style is so personable and loving and real.
Climbing the Mountain is definitely worth the read. Mr. Douglas discusses the issues and emotions of American Jewry so succinctly: if you assimilate in this culture/country/society, you get MORE, if you don't you DON'T. But it's always at such a HIGH COST.
I recently just saw him in a TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL,program...so he's still out there acting up a storm. Such a courageous and menschish guy.
Happy B.Day, Issur/Kirk!!!
Love and Knishes,
Trudi the G

(11)
dana voigt,
November 7, 2000 12:00 AM

very touching and sincere- wonderful!

I guess many of us think that we are the only ones who have questions and doubts and even fears regarding religion. It surprised me to hear that such a successful and intelligent man felt the same way, But the best part is that he, like myself, came to realize that we must never forget that we are jews,and be thankful and learn all we can from our Torah. A very inspirational article!

(10)
Jacob Stein,
May 11, 2000 12:00 AM

Very fascinating

I am a convert and I was raised by my adopted parents. Their ancestry was German and they were somewhat anti-semetic.
I remember many years ago pointing out to them that Kirk Douglas, whom they admired, was in fact Jewish. They were quite suprised!
I am thrilled to see that he is re-discovering our beautiful religion. I should show this to my adopted parents.
Encore!

(9)
Bev Kurtin,
March 10, 2000 12:00 AM

He's an inspiration

As a stroke survivor myself, I "kvell" when I see that he didn't withdraw after his stroke; indeed, he moved ahead full steam to recover.

Frequently, when working with other stroke survivors who want to give up, I point them to Mr. Douglas first, then to others in our area.

I'm so proud of him I could burst!

(8)
Anonymous,
March 8, 2000 12:00 AM

Heartwarming article... welcome back.

Your story touched the souls of my mother and myself. Thank you for sharing it. As an ex- wandering Jew, I know how great it feels to be home.

(7)
Caron Allen,
March 8, 2000 12:00 AM

I was really touched by this article. So articulate and clear and moving. I loved Kirk Douglas as child -- I grew up watching his movies.
And to see that a lifetime of success as a beloved movie star did not "spoil" him or make him complacent or accepting of the status quo is fabulous, especially in this day and age of young stars burning out early due to drug overdoses and self-destruction.
As the only observant Jew left in my family, it just made me cry to see someone returning at a later age. It gives me hope for my family.
The fact that Mr. Douglas, a person who has already accomplished so much, keeps growing, searching, and learning is inspiring to me.
I wish him the answers to his questions, and success in conveying his message through his writings and stories.

(6)
Anonymous,
March 8, 2000 12:00 AM

Thank you

Thank you Mr. Douglas. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is truely inspiring. Even though I grew up religious and still am (religious. "Grown up" is another story...) I was very inspired by your story. Sometimes I have doubts and wonder what I'm doing here - and what the point it. You put it very well. It helps to hear you discovering and cherishing your heritage. And your message about trying - was a very wise one. I share in your joy and feelings of "rebirth". Thank you again for sharing your story and experiences.

(5)
Miriam Leiseroff,
March 6, 2000 12:00 AM

Welcome back to Judaism and your roots, Mr. Douglas

I am very impressed and happy that Mr. Douglas has taken this step and returned to his heritage. I am an observant, conversative Jew myself and couldn't be more proud of Mr. Douglas, an actor I always liked immensely.

(4)
Marissah Bliss,
March 6, 2000 12:00 AM

Wonderful, The best I have ever read!

I think this is the best interveiw I have ever read! Kirk Douglas is my all time favorite actor.
I have seen all of his movies. However,I never, until I read this interveiw, knew that Kirk Douglas was a Jew. It is a very wonderful story of faith and spiritualty. Thank you very much for posting it!

(3)
Anonymous,
March 6, 2000 12:00 AM

Mr Douglas has traveled a long way to come home

I have also traveled a long way, from Vietnam and 20 yrs of military service and I also know that I am Home with my family and extended family. Welcome to Shabbot Shalom Mr. Douglas, you have always been here in our hearts, in the peace of his Sabath, in the corner of his Sukah.

(2)
Philip Levbarg,
March 6, 2000 12:00 AM

This article by Mr. Douglas was warming and brought tears to my eyes more than once. Being baltshuva has been a most incredible experience for my family and myself. I grew up in a town called Lakewood in New Jersey. A well-known Yeshiva has existed there for many years. And I could never understand it...wear a yamulka, pray, keep shabbos, study torah? Why bother? Was I ever wrong!! I can't wait to pick up Mr. Douglas' books to keep in the house. My heartfelt thanks to Mr. Douglas for his inspiring artical.

(1)
Anonymous,
March 6, 2000 12:00 AM

Every Jew's return is a profound story, this one given so articulately. Thanks for sharing a personal story in a public way. Every story of return is the inspiration for another who is on the path.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!