God and the Griz

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look Michael, look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, “For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,” God continued, pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a small city and said “What’s that one?”

“Ah,” said God. “That’s Missoula, the most glorious place on Earth. There’s beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and exquisite views of the great mountains. The people from Missoula are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found traveling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I’m also going to give them a super-human, undefeatable football team, the GRIZZLIES, who will be admired and feared by all who come across them.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. “What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!”

God replied wisely. “Wait until you see the piss-poor football team I am putting down the road in Bozeman.”