A tourist is in North London one Saturday and he decides he would very much
like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any
local matches being played that afternoon.

"Well," replies the man, "the Arsenal ground is very close but
they're playing away today. If you feel you really must see a match, the Tottenham
ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you'll see two
queues, a big queue and a small queue.

You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip
shop.

Did you hear how Tottenham has become an all-water stadium?

Someone gave-them a 3-piece suite.

Tottenham are on the internet and they've got a new website. It's called the
trophy cabinet.

A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon.
The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, "Liverpool
2, Tottenham Hotspur 1," reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate,
voice.

The shocked landlord says, "That's amazing. Why did he say that when the
result was announced that Tottenham lost?"

"Because he's a Spurs supporter," the dog's owner replies.

The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which
the man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him three years."

There was once a fanatical Spurs supporter who thought of nothing but football
all day long. He talked about football, read about football, watched nothing but
football on television and attended matches as often as he possibly could. At
last his poor wife could. stand it no longer. One night she said, 'I honestly
believe you love Spurs more than you love me!'

'Blimey,' said the fan, 'I love Hartlepool United more than I love you!'