Wait a minute honey I’m gonna add it up

Hil on the Hill could definitely provide some fodder. Unfortunately, some folks chose a battle of wits with her and proved themselves to be unarmed. Without pants.

I could discuss in depth the conspiracy theory that the latest mass killings were orchestrated by the NRA and the gun lobby to increase gun sales, because that is exactly what happened. The gun manufacturers will be enjoying their best year ever. The stupidity never ends.

But I am going to vent my spleen. Let’s spend a few minutes with the job creators. You know, the clowns that are paying less taxes than you or me? Yeah those guys.

Yes, that contains 10 examples where CEO’s made more than the entire company paid in taxes. But today is about how this trickles down into the real world. My world in particular.

I took a listing back in August. It was a slam bam thank you ma’am situation. The listing is a condo in Walnut Creek in a highly desired neighborhood. The property was originally purchased by a gentleman who contracted colon cancer and passed away about 18 months later. At the time he was my age. He moved this condo, which was an investment property, into a trust. It had a first with Chase and a second with PNC Bank.

If this works properly it will show you that there is not a PNC Bank location within 100 miles of my office. Truth is, there is not a PNC Bank in the State of California. I have never heard of them until this transaction.

When the trust distributed his two young daughters (22 and 23) inherited the property. There was a tenant in the property. The rent was $600 a month shy of the monthly nut on the property. For the next five years the sisters liquidated their inheritance to pay the notes on this condo. Last August their Aunt, a friend of mine, told them to call me and dump the condo.

I sold the condo in 10 days with 22 offers. Then began the short sale process. I don’t usually use names but this assklown screwed me royal so Scott Chaney was the negotiator assigned to this file by Chase. As a rule, if they sound stupid on the phone they probably are. In the course of the conversation with Scott, a call initiated by him as an introduction call to the file I said “I don’t even know who this PNC Bank is, I guess I’ll have to google them and figure out what to do with them”.

Scott “We’ll take care of that.” Really?

“Do you mean that Chase will take care of the pay off on the second?” I probed.

“Yes” said Scott.

“You mean I don’t have to submit a second package to some bank I’ve never heard of?” I continued.

“Yes, we’ll take care of it you don’t need a second package.”

Sadly, Scott was talking out of his ass. I thought Chase had gobbled up PNC Bank. As a matter of fact when I was later screaming at Chase I pointed out that this loan was originally a Washington Mutual loan and they had gobbled up that company. It wasn’t that big of a stretch to think Chase had also gobbled up PNC. But they hadn’t. And Scott was full of shit. And I was screwed.

Chase finally approved the sale in November and we proceeded towards close, thinking that the holder of the second was getting paid. But they weren’t. On December 17th the escrow officer asks for the loan number of the second to show on the letter. I call Chase. No response. I call them three more times on Monday, four times on Tuesday, four times on Wednesday, now we are to Thursday the day it is supposed to close. Two more calls and finally my phone rings and it’s Chase. Some ignorant bitch names Terami Marshall is on the phone. Thirteen calls on a file set to close that week and she finally returns a call on the fourth day. Why might I hate her? One of the first statements out of her mouth was “Have you ever done a short sale before?” Are you freaking kidding me you ignorant little twit???? HAVE YOU?

It is now close day and I don’t have approval of the second because Scott Chaney told me that I didn’t need it. And Terami Marshall is asking me if I have ever done a short sale before.

It’s hard to explain what happens to you as a real estate agent physiologically when something like this happens. It’s almost like hearing there was a horrible accident. A feeling of shear horror goes through your soul. First off, you’re not getting paid today. In my case, that wasn’t an issue at the time, I had already closed three deals in December, this was the fourth. Second, now you have to tell your clients. It wasn’t my fault, I suppose I should have googled PNC Bank at the time, that extra step would have saved me a lot of heartache, but I didn’t. I trusted what a Chase employee told me and he was full of shit. My clients should have been out of this dog in December, but now it’s late January and their credit is being destroyed as they quit paying in October when the tenant moved out. Third, I have to call the buyer’s agent who may or may not have had enough closings to not be impacted by this five days before Christmas. They will experience something similar and they will have to tell their buyer that he doesn’t get his condo today. The adrenaline shot your body gets during this phone call can end your day. It’s that intense.

In the five days before Christmas I ran around trying to figure out who held the second. PNC Bank has the worst automated voicemail system I have ever dealt with. It is impossible to talk to a real person. My title rep pointed me to PNC Mortgage. We drew up the package and went over there on Christmas Eve to hand deliver it. Let’s add to the mix that my mother fell and broke her hip on December 23 and I had spent the bulk of the night at Kaiser. And don’t forget Sister Morphine woke me up at 5:47am. Oh yeah, and my clients both live out of town, one in Southern California the other out of country. One was in town for four days at Christmas. So yes, on Christmas Eve we marched down to PNC Mortgage where one guy was at work. He had no idea what to do and gave us a phone number to call which ultimately didn’t work. The good news, it was Christmas Eve and because Sister Morphine was laid up at Kaiser there was not going to be a Christmas for my family, I didn’t have any thing else to do so I pushed and pushed until I got the correct information and faxed in the package. Here is where the job creators could have made the difference.

I had the package in to the bank on the 24th. I called on the 26th, 27th, 28th and 31st pushing for the package to be uploaded. Then I called on the 2nd, 3rd and finally on the 4th an employee told me that most of the department was on vacation and I should wait until the 8th or 9th to call back. I have had idiot emails with PNC asking for things like the dead guy’s name on documents. He’s been gone for five years, his name was removed five years ago. His death certificate, a copy of his bank statements that are no more than 45 days old. Seriously. Why? Because PNC Bank is saving money by not hiring enough staff or training them properly. Job creators. Bullshit.

In the meantime the 3rd party on the Chase loan expired and they refused to talk to me and wouldn’t tell me why they wouldn’t talk to me. Turns out that little twit Terami Marshall closed the file on December 20th. Why? Because I didn’t have approval on the second. The same second that Scott Chaney told me I didn’t have to worry about that he would take care of it. Now I have to start all over again with Chase. Thankfully I was home alone when I got the news. I reacted the same way Harbaugh did when the refs blew that call in the NFC Championship game.

And I feel completely justified in totally losing my shit at that point. The corporate drone that took that call made the mistake of saying “I understand that you are yelling at me at the top of your lungs.” No honey, I have toned it down because I know you just got this file. I can yell lots louder and will before this is all said and done.

I escalated the file on Friday. The escalation department told me that the negotiators had so many files on their desks that they couldn’t return phone calls for 48 to 72 hours, if at all. Really. Because if you assholes really were job creators you’d find some people who needed jobs, train them and clear up the backlog instead of overworking the few employees you hire. And why don’t they hire any more? Because they are beholden to their corporate and Wall Street jobs. At what point do we as the people say “Enough!” At what point?