Monday, April 14, 2014

Love What Gets Us Bullied

I usually like to post about happy things and love.
However, I had a hard time finding much of either in an article I read
recently. It's been gnawing at me, so of course I decided to write about it.
That's what writers do. Even the ones who insist on writing sappy endings.

When a nine year old boy in North Carolina complained
of being bullied at school his mother went to the school guidance counselor.
That's what we're supposed to do, right? And the school did what they're
supposed to do by listening and then responding with a solution.

How did the school respond? By telling the child he
had triggered the bullying by carrying a backpack with a pony on it. The
solution, according to the story I read, was simple. The principal told
boy's mother to keep his beloved backpack at home. No more backpack,
no more bullying.

Seriously! Here's an article you can read for
yourself:http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/03/18/my-little-pony-backpack-banned-school-north-carolina/6565425/I'm sure there is more to the story than we
can learn here--there always is--but let's all agree there is ample credible
information for us to get the gist.

The school believes that bullies will stop bullying
when they have nothing left to pick on. When everyone is just the same and no
one stands out from the crowd, then the bullying will end. Doesn't that sound
logical? All we've got to do is be just like everyone else and society will
embrace us with love and compassion.

What a shame, then, that NONE of us is just like
everyone else! There is no "everyone else". There is just
"everyone" and we are all a part of that: ALL of us, with all our
many flaws, talents quirks, and very obvious differences. We can no sooner
leave those at home than we can our arms and legs.

And what if the things that make us different ARE
our arms and legs? What if instead of a backpack, this little boy was being
bullied for his prosthetic leg, or a paralyzed hand? Could the principal so
glibly tell him to just leave those at home? Of course not. I'm sure there are
many days when my own son's principal would love to ask him to just "leave
his autism at home" so he can be like everyone else, but since he can't do
that we've all had to learn to live with him just as he is.

This is what really bothers me about this story.
"Leave the backpack at home" isn't simply about a little boy inviting
youthful teasing by waving a fuzzy pony in the face of other kids, it's about
some deep-rooted human urge to avoid facing the "different" in our
midst, to avoid learning to live with uncomfortable things.

We aren't living in generations past when the
physically handicapped, the mentally challenged, the blind, the deaf, the ones
born a little bit "different" DID get left home. Or worse, they
didn't stay home but where sent away to some institution so they couldn't
bother "everyone else" with their differences. The bullies didn't
bully them, but only because they didn't see them. Those bullies never had the
benefit of learning not to bully. They just simply had to find other targets.

This is what I fear will happen in North Carolina.
That little boy did end up staying home. He's being homeschooled now for his
own safety. He learned that society is no place for him, that he can't trust
his counselor or his principal to keep him safe, and he certainly can't trust
his peers. The only way he can be himself is to just stay home.

And what did the bullies learn? Exactly what they
believed from the start: if something outside their comfortable norm makes them
feel awkward and unsure, they can raise their perceived confidence and social
status by declaring that someone else is beneath them. Then they'll be all
right. Then they'll be "normal." They won't have to stay home.

But now they do have to keep bullying. With no
better skills to navigate life, these kids become victims of their own
misguided efforts to "fit in". Because they haven't learned to love
other people's differences, they haven't learned to love their own. They have
to carefully manage their environment so that everything around them perfectly
suits their tastes and abilities--failure at this would mean they might not fit
in; they might seem "different". And we all know what happens to
those who are different!

Bullying hurts everyone. That's because EVERYONE is
different. We all have things a bully might pick on, and we all have the
capacity for bullying. Both are just part of our human condition. Unfortunately,
we can't leave that condition at home. We have to sling it over our back every
day and carry it everywhere we go. Each one of us has our own very unique
backpack, not like anyone else's. We can fill it with love or intolerance, ignorance
or pride, wisdom or fear.

Our backpack's appearance is the last thing any of
us should care about. What really makes us different is everything we pack
inside. So let's all love what gets us bullied, and just hope that someday
those bullies can learn to love themselves.

6 comments:

I saw that story, too, Susan, and you're right! The way the school officials reacted was just awful. They have not helped anyone -- not the little boy who was bullied, not the bullies, not even themselves.

It makes me really sad that things like this still happen. But I hope that the public outcry that has been triggered by the school's bad decision will teach them to do the right thing in the future. And help other school districts not to make the same bad choices.

Beautiful words for such a sad event. The truth in them really shone through me. I've seen a lot of cases of bullying and some people misattribute its roots with lots of other things. I think some of the true reasons of behaving like a bully are ignorance and the lack of empathy torwards others. The former can be dealt with by knowledge and understanding, but the latter is something deep-seated and caused by past issues. Bullying is an aggressive trait. I believe it is a cycle, one that should be cut at all costs. I totally agree that the solution for that is love. I'm with you and everyone in hoping that someday, love and understanding prevail, within and without, so that everything that hurt will go away. :)

New Release!

Susan Gee Heino, author

Susan Gee Heino

Thanks for dropping by my poor, Neglected Blog. I write light Regency Romance with a dash of humor for people who like that sort of thing. When not writing, I spend my days entertaining my wonderful husband, two strangely brilliant children, and great quantities of finned, furry and feathered pets who eat way too much.

All she needs is a very unsuitable suitor...

Passion and Pretense

Determined to thwart her brother's plans to get her properly married, Miss Penelope Rastmoor decides what she needs is the most unsuitable fiance ever imagined. Unfortunately, she never quite imagined Lord Harry!

Love has a way of getting what it wants...

Temptress In Training

Sophie Darshaw's skill with a needle is hardly enough to save her when she stumbles into a murder plot... and the arms of a dangerous man. The bitter Earl of Lindley is searching for the double agent who killed his family. Miss Darshaw may look innocent enough, but what deadly secrets does she hide? He's intent on seducing the truth from her, but Sophie is ready to hone some talents other than sewing!

She must save him, no matter how many times she's wished him dead...

Damsel In Disguise

Lord Rastmoor still yearns for the beautiful actress who betrayed him. Foolishness, of course, since he was told Julia died in another man's bed. But Julia didn't die, and only her disguise as a man can save them both now. When Rastmoor sees through her ruse, though, more than just Julia's mustache is coming off!

Accidents make the heart grow fonder...

Mistress By Mistake

To throw off husband-hunters, Lord Dashford pretends he's a penniless wastrel. But blunders bring bliss when he encounters a tipsy housemaid who isn't quite what she seems to be. Miss Eveline Pinchley never dreamed she'd end up like this, but falling in love might just be her best mistake ever!