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So, your girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives: Do they game?

I'm kind of struggling with how to approach this subject, as you're about to see, but seeing as I know this is the only forum I frequent that might have something useful to say (Maybe... Just maybe...) so I thought 'hey, why not', so please forgive me if this is an extremely ham-fisted post.

So: my girlfriend of four years is not a gamer, and that's fine. I am a gamer, and that is also fine. We obviously get along great, have a lot of common interests, it's just that gaming isn't one of them. However, I would very much like it to become one. Instead of sitting down to watch a film I'd love to be able to play something, maybe even discuss games occasionally, I'm sure you know how it is. I hear about couples who play - gasp - Borderlands 2 together, and I'm sitting here being like 'But I want that!'. The question is, how do you go about that if you're with a non-gamer?

Surely some of you are in relationships with gamers, right? Have they always been gamers the entire time you've known them? Did you encourage/force/blackmail/etc them into it? Obviously everyone is different, so there is no such thing as a one approach for all and I've been formulating a list of games I think she could get into, but the question is how do you introduce these games to someone who doesn't care for games much? I think she'd get into them if she gave them a chance, but it's that hurdle I'm struggling with.

Basically, I want her to see videogames how RPS views videogames. I'm keen to hear what your experiences with this subject have been, and I'm almost certain a thread about this exists, it must, but I have no idea what I'd search for to find it. Apologies if I'm being totally blind, also apologies if this is in completely the wrong place.

With people who don't play games, you shouldn't start with something like borderlands. The last time I tried something like that it took an hour and a half for them to grasp how to shoot and move at the same time without getting disoriented. And some people will get turned off by the violence.
You need to let her take it in slowly. Don't have her jump into something super actiony like Borderlands, start at something like The Walking Dead or Proteus and move slightly in that direction with each game until she can play stuff like that. That's how I got my Sister to start playing games besides Pokemon.

My wife isn't a gamer, but she will sometimes devour a game or two (as in, becoming completely obsessed with the game for a couple of weeks, and then not playing anything for a month or more). She did that with Plants vs. Zombies and Defender's Quest, but also with Civ 5 (which she tends to come back to every now and then). She will not play action games, RPGs ("why would I want to be someone else?"), and adventure games ("if I want a story, I'll read a book").

I did manage to play To the Moon with her, because I suppose she figured out it would be the only way to stop me raving about it :)

edit: she will *not* play Civ 5 multiplayer with me, though. ("What if you build the Pyramids before I do? I don't want to have to beat you up!")

I've tried to play PC games with my girlfriend but it didn't pan out. I purchase a copy of D2 a few years ago so we could play that together because she used to play that with her best friend in high school, but our play styles didn't really mesh (she took her time and I was go go go efficiency!) and as I always do every time I go back to that game I got bored pretty quick. We haven't played it in a while but she will play HoMMV hot seat. We used to play Mario Kart double dash a lot in college and still do on occasion. She wins most of the time at that though I contend that double toad/toadette is overpowered. I do consider it a coup that I got my girlfriend to take to Settlers of Catan because she stated that she hated strategy board games after having had bad experiences with Risk and Monopoly(I hate this one too) when younger. Now she's aggravated that we can't get more friends willing to play it with us :P. I'd say just ask your girlfriend to try things out with you and that you'd appreciate it and as protoman said start with simpler stuff that doesn't take too long to get the hang of. Don't use to much pressure either or it will probably work against you

My girlfriend plays a few different games. Most of them she's picked herself. She's never really been into getting the hot new release or anything like that and she doesn't visit gaming sites. She'll sometimes watch events if they're going to be talking about a game sequel she likes.

Most of the stuff she likes is founded in her other interests. For example, she likes horror and sci-fi so she's played both Dead Space and Mass Effect trilogies. She likes creating stuff so she'll play Terraria and The Sims. She likes puzzles and flash style games so PvZ was a big thing for a while. Then she just likes fun stuff like Saints Row and GTA before 4, because 4 bored her by being serious.

"Halo is designed to make the player think "I look like that, I am macho sitting in my undies with my xbox""

My wife wasn't a gamer when we first met. I think I've turned her into a "casual gamer." I have a hard time figuring out which games she will like though. She doesn't want to read anything, or watch cutscenes. Sometimes I will set her down in front of a game and she will become absolutely addicted to it. Other times she will be bored within minutes. She rarely plays games by herself. Most times we play co-op/MP.

It's pretty funny to see her with that one odd SP game that totally captures her attention. When I brought home the first Mario Galaxy, she beat it in 5 days. She wouldn't even let me have the TV. She started playing Twilight Princess, and it seemed like one day I walked in on her fighting the boss of the 2nd dungeon, and then 3 days later she was at the end. And she stopped right before the final boss and never went back to it! She spent like 40 hours with this game, then got a big load of homework, and just never gave it another thought. How does one do that?

Probably the funniest thing was when, after watching me play Dark Souls on PS3 all weekend, she asks while cleaning the dishes, "How hard is that game?" I laughed, and told her it was pretty hard. She told me she wanted to try playing it. Keep in mind that she has barely even held a PS3 controller before. She can't hit square when told without looking down to see where square is. She managed to get to the Taurus demon and put in a few solid attempts before she realized the game just wasn't for her.

There's one thing you absolutely cannot do though, this doesn't just apply to your SO, but to anyone who isn't a gamer.

You have to understand they don't know why you love spending 40 hours a week on an MMO or in an FPS. You cannot try make them understand by being that guy. That guy is the guy who gets frantic to get people to understand and starts telling them how they should feel when playing something.

Nothing will turn someone off more than too much of that.

"Halo is designed to make the player think "I look like that, I am macho sitting in my undies with my xbox""

I've been with my wife for 15 years, and we've 'gamed' together only on a few occasions. She likes puzzle games (Tetris, Bookworm etc) and sticks to using handheld devices (currently a Galaxy S3). I can't remember ever playing a PC game with her, though I have tried to get her interested in a few so we could co-op. Seems she'd rather watch crap TV and that's fine as long as I don't have to! We do play boardgames together fairly often though.

When I met my fiancée she mostly played simple flash games on the net, but I gradually introduced her "better" games. She really loves puzzle games (Puzzle Quest 1 and 2, Bejewelled, Zuma, Peggle...) and can play them to death. Besides that, she really enjoyed the CSI games, New Super Mario Bros on the Wii and the Sims 3. She also likes the occasional fighting game (Mortal Kombat 2011 or Tekken). The only thing that doesn't really fly is first person and third person games, mostly because she finds them too hard to control and the action can be too hectic.

It's really fun to see when she finds a game she really loves and totally goes into it.

Good luck with your quest, as in my experience if you've been together four years and she still doesn't share gaming as an interest that's not likely to change in the future. I've been with my girl ten years and the closest I've gotten her to gaming is playing Wii games and You Don't Know Jack! with me. My PC is named Mistress because the two compete for my attention.

My fiancee kills me at You Don't Know Jack and Trivia games. She likes creative games and peaceful games. Spore and Animal Crossing are two examples of this. She really likes 2d platformers too. We played a lot of DKCR and NSMBwii together, but she didn't like VVVVV or Bit Trip. It's just a process of trial and error.

My partner games, and plays pretty much the same wide spread of a bit of everything that I do. I recently introduced her to far cry 3 (didn't click) and dishonoured (did), but we also play titles like Medieval 2:TW, frozen synapse, Mirrors edge, etc. Sometimes we both have to squabble for the PC, but usually she's a bit less fussed about it than I am.

I usually just share the things I like with everyone who does not immediatly run away from me when I start talking about games. The biggest success so far is my older Brother who I'm slowly getting into playing Roguelikes (he never was much of a gamer besides an unhealthy obsession with Kickoff 2). Initially I wanted my Mother to play them, but my Brother picked up an interest in Desktop Dungeons. Now I occasionally send him Links to other, smaller titles in order to broaden his horizon.

Honestly I would say that unconventional, smaller titles probably are a better approach in showing 'non-gamers' the more interesting side of the hobby.

My girlfriend was mainly a console gamer before we met a few years ago. She liked older games like Megaman, Sonic and Zelda. Grew up on the n64 and gamecube. On PC she mainly was just into Plants Vs Zombies and the Sims. I got her into Minecraft quickly. Then she played through HL2 and Portal. Minecraft is still probably her most played game, with Skyrim and Binding of Isaac around 2nd most. She is a lot busier with work these days but she has been playing CIV 5 some. She might be getting Bioshock Infinite soon. She couldn't get through the original because it freaked her out too much but she watched me play through it since she was interested in it.

We have cooped Minecraft, Terraria, L4D2 and Portal 2 the most. We are perfectly content just sitting next to each other playing separate single player games though. We just talk about what's going on in our games. I don't think I could date a non-gamer to be honest. Even though she doesn't always have time to put into games because of work, she still is interested in them and likes talking about them.

Nothing strictly FPS based. Go for something like Dragon Age: Origins or Mass Effect as it's easy to control the combat (so she won't get overwhelmed) and there's a lot of relationship stuff (Dragon Age 2 is particularly strong in that aspect). Alternatively, Sims 3/Sims medieval is a good gamer gateway. It's been my experience that women tend to favour games that have a strong degree of acquisition/construction to them Vs pure destruction. You're seeing something emerging from your time investment, so to speak beyond a high score.

All my significant others aside from one were not gamers. My closest circle of friends are not gamers. My coworkers were not gamers until I ended up in a technical field.

I dated a gamer once. It was a mistake.

I would not encourage any of the people I know and respect to take up gaming. Indeed, some of the most productive and fulfilling portions of my life were when I've too little time to game. This is an addiction like alcohol, except alcohol consumption is usually more social.

:D

NalanoH. Wildmoon
Director of the Friends of Nalano PAC
Attorney at Lawl
"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy." - Woody Allen

@Nalano More people need to experience the joys of non passive entertainment. Yes, some people do drama or sport but you honestly believe the world would be richer without grandmothers who use kingmaker-deceit builds in Solium Infernum and ply you with conspiracy over sunday dinner?
Or bus drivers, who go home and spend half an hour loaded into the back of an APC in Arma bickering about the drivers bad driving over mumble?
What a grey little world.