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Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Becoming Real

'It
doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long
time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have
sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real,
most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose
in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because
once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”―Margery
Williams,The
Velveteen Rabbit

The
Velveteen Rabbit is a book, I read as a child and re-read with my son, as an
adult. It is one of those books in which you stumble upon new nuances, when you
read it at different stages of your life. When you are younger, you tend to put
yourself in the shoes of the velveteen rabbit; wanting ‘It’ to happen to you,
albeit rather slowly but surely. You
crave to be understood, even if you are inclined to break easily or have rather
sharp edges. You want to be loved, for the person that you truly are; with all
your scars and stories.

December
2011: It is early evening. I have been sitting in the same position for the
last half hour, trying to get my six year old son to study for a spelling test.
Nachikaet, who is a free spirited soul (which is a sugar coated way of saying,
that he cannot stay put for more than a minute) is in his elements; producing
written work which look like hieroglyphics, erasing the above mentioned
hieroglyphics with such fury, that the terrified eraser has no option but to
fly out of his hands and hit me squarely in the eye. Something snaps within me
and the next in ten minutes involves smacks and comparisons with ’smarter’ class
mates. He doesn’t refute any of my accusations, he looks into my eyes, tears streaming
down his pencil-lead stained face and whispers quietly “I still love you,
amma"

Strangely,
it is the Velveteen rabbit that I think of at that moment.

Here I am, hurting him physically,
wounding his dignity and labeling him, just because he couldn't memorize a few spellings and my little boy assures me that he loves me and accepts me
with all my quirks, unconditionally. At that moment, I feel deeply ashamed of
myself. I realize that I need to accept his weaknesses with the same
attitude that I accept his strengths. I need to lace my fingers with his, rather than point it at him. From this safe position, we can deal with
correcting mistakes, together.

When
I read the story again with my son, I imagine the story from the perspective of
the little boy, who loves the rabbit unconditionally, despite his shabby
appearance and fallen whiskers. To love your loved ones so fully, embracing
their imperfections and being thankful for their presence in your life, seems
to me the best way to make them real. In the process, as the Skin horse says,
though not all at once, maybe you become real too.

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As the name suggests this mommy tries out all things related to "being mommy" and lives to write about it at well. This blog is about the "spirit" of mother hood, the lighter side of parenting. online kiddie resources and much more... I would love to receive your comments and suggestions!!!!!

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don't even think about it!!!

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their body but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,which you cannot visit,not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you...
Kahlil Gibran-The Prophet