First, let’s get this out-of-the-way: Any changes made you have to want for yourself and they will occur in the amount of time appropriate for you.

Do not let people, myself included, tell you that you have to make changes in a specific timeline or before you are ready.

Do not read this post and feel like you aren’t doing enough to manage your grief or your diagnosis. You are unique and different from me and that’s okay.

You will make the changes when you are ready.

Despite this, there are things I cannot recommend:

Staying stagnant and giving up

Engaging in self-destructive behavior

Refusing to be open to new experiences

In my last post, I engaged in all of the above behaviors at one time or another, so when I say I cannot recommend them, I say it from personal experience. If you find that you are engaging in one, some, or all of these behaviors, it means you are still working through your grieving process.

That’s okay, but ideally, you want to move beyond the grief at some point because it brings a personal peace that makes the pain and frustration more manageable.

This is a conversation I wish someone gave me when I first received my diagnosis. While it is tailored specifically to MS, I hope some of the thoughts are universal enough for any difficult medical diagnosis.

CW: Discussion of suicide, self-harm, and depression within this post. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, please contact Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. If you are in crisis, text CrisisTextLine to connect with a crisis counselor. You are not alone.

After I got my MS diagnosis I went through a period of shock and relief. I was shocked that it was MS but relieved to finally have an answer. Ultimately, the shock overpowered the feelings of relief and I found that my emotions spiraled out of control.

I don’t remember the first couple days, I think I was numb from trying to process the information: it was like finding out a loved one had died. Every couple of minutes I’d get distracted enough to forget, but as soon as I turned my mind to it, my heart sank and it felt devastatingly fresh again.

The numbness I felt was me unable and unwilling to process the news.

I was aware of MS since High School because my art teacher had it. I remember my mom telling me about MS, explaining why my teacher may seem fatigued or snappy towards the end of an afternoon class. I also remember sitting in the art room, watching my teacher gush about Cezanne and thinking two things to myself: one, “Oh god, I hope I never get MS;” and two, “it would be the end of my life if I ever got it.”

I am not going to offer advice on how to cope with the news of the diagnosis, but provide insight to what I went through to normalize your experience to a certain extent. While working through a diagnosis is unique to each individual, there are certain aspects to the process that are universal. You are not alone in this journey.

There’s a good chance you will go through a range of emotions like I did. Hopefully, relief will be one of them because there is a sense of calm of finally having an answer to what is going on with your body. It makes what is intangible – tangible. What was presumed to be just in your head is now externally acknowledged by a medical professional.

These feelings of relief probably won’t comfort you past the first 48 hours or so. But it is something to keep in the back of your mind for later as you move through your coping process.

As a younger person, the idea of having a disease or getting sick was something that happened to other people. I took what was presumed perfect health for granted. I remember thinking to myself: I lived my life relatively well, I was a good person, I did what I was supposed to, why is my body punishing me? What wrongs was I atoning for? This does not happen to good people.

I sank into a deep depression. I was completely lost about what I was facing, how I would face it, and how I would get through it. I felt completely selfish because I could only think about myself. I couldn’t and didn’t want to think about anyone else.

I went to a very dark place and stayed there for several months. There were moments where I was suicidal over the whole situation. If I killed myself, I would regain control of an out-of-control situation. More importantly, I would be able to remove myself from Ash’s life and no longer be a burden to him. The sooner I did it, the sooner he could move on and find a healthier partner.

I never acted on it, never made any serious plans. Instead, I pushed it down the road: if I start to be a burden for my loved ones – then I would do something about it.

I am not saying, nor am I recommending entertaining these thoughts, but by pushing the desire back it helped give me the clarity to healthfully resolve my thoughts on the matter and get to a point where suicide was no longer a viable option at any point in time.

It was around this point that I realized I was going through a form of grieving after getting the diagnosis. Grieving a medical diagnosis for yourself is, in fact, normal. It helped contextualize what I felt in the months after my diagnosis. It also helped me move through the stages more effectively because I now knew what I was experiencing was normal.

I am not a medical professional and the information provided in this post is intended for your general knowledge only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.

Something is wrong.

You don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right with your body. You may not have gotten an MS diagnosis yet, but you might suspect that it’s MS or something similar.

Going to WebMD tells you one thing, but you know that self-diagnosing is not the final stopping point. You call your General Practitioner and set up an appointment to begin the investigation process.

You’ve made it this far, but what is the next step to make sure you get some answers?

Healthcare Failings

Unfortunately, simply going to the doctor isn’t going to get you an immediate answer or an answer at all. This shouldn’t discourage you from going: in fact, it should encourage you to go even more and advocate for yourself.

But it is important to go into the process prepared.

Not everyone will have a smooth experience when talking to the doctor about health issues. If you are a woman, you are more likely to be dismissed for pain complaints. MS can cause pain, as can a number of other autoimmune diseases, so walking into the office may feel like preparing for battle: will my health care professional take my complaints seriously?

The answer depends. They will hopefully jump at the chance to figure out what is going on, but some may surprise you and be resistant to exploring your situation.

This post isn’t meant to disparage the medical system, but to shed light on the possibility that you may need to engage in personal advocacy. Being an advocate is important regardless, but having tools and a contingency plan will streamline and hopefully speed up the process of getting answers and treatment.

It is important to remember this: going in with a calm attitude and willingness to listen will help disarm any potentially defensive healthcare professional, but make sure to come in with questions and ready to assert yourself for answers if necessary.

Fundraising is important to the longevity of a cause; it raises awareness, helps fund research, provides opportunities for those without financial means, and helps bring in volunteers who want to do more.

Fundraising for a particular group, like the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, helps create and sustain programs for those with MS and their caretakers, fund research opportunities, and hopefully fund a cure. Below are some ways to find a fundraiser right for you or creating one that fits.

Finding a Fundraiser

If you want to get involved in a current fundraiser – I have compiled some reputable sources that have ongoing events.

Other Ways to Raise Money

If you are like me, I love to shop with Amazon for pretty much anything. Several years ago, Amazon started a program where a portion of qualified purchases will go to the charity/non-profit of your choice. The cool thing is this is a portion of the purchase, meaning Amazon doesn’t raise the price of the item so it is at no additional cost to you to participate. If you already shop at Amazon it’s a great way to donate to the NMSS.

We selected the NMSS for our charity of choice and to date, the NMSS has earned nearly $143,000 for qualified purchases through the program by all who participate.

Facebook has been pushing “raise money for your birthday” feature, but at this point in time, there aren’t any national MS organizations available. I have looked into ways to change that, but Facebook does not make it easy to find any useful information. I will update this post in case anything changes.

What MS fundraisers have you participated in or recommend? Please leave a comment below with your experiences.

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You don’t have to have MS to be active in the community, nor do you need to be aggressive in your activism. Getting involved to fight MS can take many different roles: spreading awareness on social media, joining lobbying groups, joining a social networking group, or starting your own fundraiser. Or it may be supporting your loved one who has MS by being present for them.

Whatever the level of involvement makes you an activist and appreciated by the MS community.

I have compiled several different ways you can get involved based on abilities or interest level below. All of these suggestions are geared towards North American activism, but some are global in nature. Check locally to see what opportunities your country might have for you.