Newsroom song

As a tribute to the fading newspaper industry, and the tiny part I played in it, here is a song about “trying to keep my editors satisfied.” It’s set to the tune of this Paul Simon song. I’m not that imaginative, so the numerous verses are all based on Simon’s second verse.

Managing editor says to me:
Yesterday’s piece was OK, boy,
We sent it out over AP.
And that was pretty good, but whatcha got for me today?

Chorus:
It’s the same old story (yeah)
Every time I write.
I get trimmed back,
I write lede hooks,
I use words I’ll never find in the Stylebook.
And I’m one step ahead of the deadline,
Constantly toeing the party line,
Just trying to keep my editors satisfied,
Satisfied.

City editor says to me:
Do you think you’re on stage, boy?
Your job is impartiality.
Just leave opinions to the guy who does the op-ed page.

[Chorus]

Photo editor says to me:
Whadya want me to say, boy?
We gotta compete with TV
And all you’re giving me is one more page of solid gray.

Copy editor says to me:
Well we ain’t got all day, boy,
I need you to anchor page three
And I can’t proof it ’less you hand it here right away.

Advertising says to me:
Ain’t no need to get mad, boy,
I’m just talking reality
’Cause all your copy’s just to fill the space around the ads.

It’s the same old story
Every time I write.
I get trimmed back,
I write lede hooks,
I use words I’ll never find in the Stylebook.
And I should be tired
But that newsroom coffee’s got me wired,
And I’m one step ahead of the deadline,
Constantly toeing the party line,
Just trying to keep my editors satisfied,
Satisfied.