NOTATION IS KEY

Tears ran down my face while I crawled toward the white garden wall. I positioned myself as best as I could, out of the cold wind and out of sight for passing traffic. Not that it mattered, because it was already dark outside anyways. I wasn’t sure why I had come here. Maybe because I had visited the place so often.

Tears where still flowing down my face and I wondered whether they could see me on the security camera’s. If they did, would they inform him? Would they remove me or would he do it himself? I had always dreamt of meeting him, but not like this. I would never want him to see me like this.

More tears came falling down and I repeated one of his quotes in my head. It used to bring me peace, but this time it wasn’t strong enough. I kept repeating it, trying to calm myself down, when I felt my eyelids go heavy. I pulled my knees up and put my arms around them. With my head against the perfectly white wall, I closed my eyes and let the darkness consume me.

Daddy stood before me. His face told me had been at it again.

‘You’ve done something very bad. Something very, very bad.’ He whispered.
‘No… daddy, No I swear…’ I stammered and I took a step back.
‘You know what happens when you do something bad, don’t you?’ Daddy said with an awful grin.
‘No, daddy. Please!’ I tried to defend myself but I knew it was useless.

In slow motion I saw how he took a step forward and reached for his back pocket. I turned around and started to run, but the door at the end of the hall didn’t seem to come any closer. A low insane laugh deafened my ears. I knew that even if I ran, I wouldn’t be able to hide forever. Not from him.

The scenery changed and we were standing on top of the stairs. Daddy held my face in his hands. It hurt and I tried to get loose, but his grip was too strong.

‘You are so much like your mother. You know that don’t you? You look so much like her. It’s your own fault you know.’ He said with a nasty grin. He stared at me while is stood there, frozen with fear.

The scenery changed again, although this time I was hadn’t moved. Daddy sat on his knees with his hands on the ground. His shirt was ripped and he had visible scratches on his arms and face. He stared at the bottom of the stairs, eyes wide open and his face cold.

‘Daddy?’ I asked hesitantly and I took a step towards him. I didn’t dared to look at the bottom of the stairs, knowing what I would see there.
‘You did this.’ He whispered.
‘You did this. This is all your fault.’ His voice became louder and louder while he continued talking.
‘You did this. Do you hear me! You did this! This is all your fault. You look so much like her! This is all your fault! Do you hear me! Do you hear me!’ He repeated the last sentence over and over again as the sound of his voice grew louder and louder.

It wasn’t Daddy’s voice. It wasn’t him. Two large hands brushed against mine as to lower them. I opened my eyes. He had gotten on his knees and his face wasn’t that far away from mine. I slowly lowered my hands and stared at him, scared to breathe. He smiled softly.

I had never seen his face so closely ever before. Not even on pictures. His eyes where clear and his lips looked soft and pink. He continued talking to me with his soft voice, but I couldn’t hear a word. Tears were still running down my face. My head tried to process every single detail of his face. I din’t realize I had stopped breathing until I started to feel faint headed. Everything suddenly seemed to go slower and I closed my eyes. His words echoed in my head: