A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

Last Friday began a series that will run all week called Dating Drama. Whether you’re dating or not, you know someone who is. This might be a chance for you to contribute, comment and encourage those who are.

Some people have great relationships, some not.

Friday night my boyfriend texted me. He dumped me; by TEXT!

When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, “What are you talking about? I didn’t break up with you.” Apparently, he had meant the text for someone else. He was breaking up with another girlfriend (that I didn’t know about).

“I can’t believe it,” she said, “my best friend told me that she heard that my sister has been sleeping with my boyfriend. When she got home I asked my sister about the rumor. She didn’t deny it, ‘He’s was gonna break up with you anyway.'”

This week we’re examining painful dating. Tuesday’s For Crying Out Loud included grief, loss, and the healing benefits of tears. Wednesday included helpful hints for dealing with being dumped.

Blunders

“Last night — at a party — a guy I’ve had a huge crush on told my best friend that he liked me too. This morning I sent him a text message telling him how excited I was. Before he replied I caught up to my best friend. She didn’t know what I was talking about. I dreamed it all, EXCEPT for the embarrassing text I really sent my crush.“

Last night we watched an episode of the television show Big Bang Theory. Leonard professed his love to his girlfriend Penny. Taken off guard, the slow to trust, Penny didn’t reciprocate. One thing led to another and Leonard got dumped.

Later lonely-Leonard hung out with his friend Raj. Raj, like Leonard, was feeling lonely for love. Here was their exchange:

You tried, and tried, and tried, and failed. You tried to make him happy and didn’t. You tried to make her happy and didn’t.

You tried, and tried, and tried, and failed.

And Now…

You feel frustrated because life sucks, and your daydream begins to feel like a nightmare. “My days are over. My hopes have disappeared. My heart’s desires are broken.” 1

And people find out what happened. They start talking about what they think happened. They start guessing what you did, or what you could have or should have done. Then they start gossiping, “Their insults have broken my heart…If only one person would show some pity; if only one would turn and comfort me.” 2

We believe the lie that “I can make someone happy,” and “I can make someone unhappy.”

Because we embrace those lies when relationships fall apart so do we.

She believes, “I wasn’t a good enough girlfriend, so he left me.” He believes, “I was not there for her when she needed me most, so she left me.” She believes, “I’m a failure, so he left me.” He believes, “I unconsciously drove her away, so she left me.” They believe, “I wasn’t good enough to stop this from happening, so … my heart breaks.”