From the highest highs to the lowest lows, darling. The world of the red carpet is rife with pitfalls. Actually, in this case, it’s more of a mid-high to lowest low, which makes us feel like we should mention the barometric pressure or something.

Seriously, THAT is the worst dress we’ve seen in AGES. She’s serving up Venus of Willendorf realness in that thing. How can you put that on and not see that it’s giving you giant hips and thighs, way out of proportion to your own body? It’s an outrageously unflattering and unattractive dress. Girl needs to invest in mirrors, better lighting, and a friend who will say, “GOD, no” when the occasion warrants it.

I choked on my tea when I saw the last dress. And then I spilled the rest of it when I read the “Venus of Willendorf” reference.

I love you, guys. I really, really do.

ecallaw1977

Seconded on the TLo love. I generally consider myself pretty knowledgeable (and modest), yet reading TLo’s commentary often leaves me either chuckling with amusement and self-satisfaction from getting their reference, or scurrying off to Google. The latter, in this instance.

Lord have MERCY!
I get the deaigner’s intention, but that garment cannot be worn by anyone with any hips whatever. Yikes!! Oh for the days when the studio oversaw what their stars went out in public wearing.

MilaXX

I doubt even a size 00 could wear that dress. It’s just a bad design.

Alyssa

Wow, that second dress is the worst dress ever, and the hair isn’t good either! I thought you guys were exaggerating, but nope! I do really like the first look though. I feel we will be seeing the second in the top ten worst looks of 2013 for sure!

Sometimes, the excitement of becoming so important that big name designers letting you wear their clothes overpowers the novice. Also, she is promoting this movie, so she needs something new and smashing almost every day. The pressure is on. Still, she should have turned down dress #2. She is young, and will learn A LOT on this promotional tour.

I don’t like the Erdem dress either, and I know we’re not discussing Jeremy, but his pants need hemming. With all the fashion misses for both of them lately they should demand a sequel “Hansel & Gretel: Stylist Hunters.”

3boysful

Whew! I was hoping I wasn’t alone in that. The back is cute, but I don’t really like the print, and she has too much bust to wear such a high neckline. She needs a V to break up the vast expanse. (Thank you, Stacy & Clinton.)

Vickiefantastico

Are we sure those aren’t pants? Is it a pantsuit? And my goodness, it’s inner if the worst things I’ve seen.

Angela_the_Librarian

That was my first thought too..they look like pants. Of course how she’s posing may be adding to that illusion.

Vickiefantastico

You’re probably right. Maybe she had some serious static going on?

captrenault

That reminds me — I need to pick up chives for tonight’s baked potatoes.

Nazzzy

I find Jeremy’s makeup to be the most offensive thing here.

Mistie Holler

How can boobs look droopy and square at the same time? How can Vivienne Westwood have made a career in fashion yet not have realised how monstrously unflattering a dress like that would look even on the slimmest, perkiest frame?

j_anson

Yes, it’s all very well to talk about how multiple body shapes can be beautiful, but the baseline fact is that large, rounded hips are inherently ugly. Pretending they aren’t inherently ugly is something we do to be nice when a star HAS them; but if a star that DOESN’T have them wears a dress that makes it look like she does, we’ll collectively crucify her for it. Because that shit is ugly.

/Sarcasm

Seriously, though, I don’t think this is a great dress – the seaming is weird and awkward – but I’m a little put off by the level of “OH MY GOD IT MAKES IT LOOK LIKE SHE HAS THIIIIIIIIGHS!” going on here.

Mistie Holler

It’s not the roundedness – personally, I like a rounded hip – it’s the disproportionate massiveness, and the shiny, look-at-my-crotch chevron/hammerpants combo. And the way the top is making her boobs look cuboid yet droopy… I could probably go on…

Mistie Holler

…to be fair, I think part of it is just the way she’s standing with er legs crossed and the side of Jeremy’s body rucking her dress up.

I don’t really think it has anything to do with actually having or not having rounded hips/thighs. I can’t even address the cheap tinsel fabric, but how can anyone NOT see that horrible giant V that screams, “HERE IS MY VAGINA, ENCIRCLED BY MY SHINY THIGHS”? The dress also puckers awkwardly around her hips and that draping honestly causes a cartoonish silhouette. I really hope she got that dress for free, because I cannot imagine someone actually paying money for it.

j_anson

I mean, as I noted at the bottom of my post, I don’t think it’s a well-made dress. There’s lots to dislike about it. I agree the vagina-V is awkward, and the seaming is weird and puckered, etc. If TLo had said that, I’d be cheering along. Instead, what they said was basically, “OMG this makes her thighs look big, WORST DRESS EVER.”

[Arg, I always forget that posting with links means it doesn’t show up. You may get a duplicate of this with links to some pics if the mods ever approve it. For now, here’s one without.] I mean, as I noted at the bottom of my post, I don’t think it’s a well-made dress. There’s lots to dislike about it. I agree the vagina-V is awkward, and the seaming is weird and puckered, and there’s an odd squareness to the top of the hips where the gathering-in and the waist bends weirdly, etc. If TLo had said that, I’d be cheering along. Instead, what they said was basically, “OMG this makes her thighs look big, WORST DRESS EVER.”
And the thing is, I don’t think making thighs look large is inherently awful. I THINK what the design was going for here was a silhouette like Sophia Loren had, or like some of Ginger Rogers’ costumes, particularly ones with pants, had – where the thighs ARE large/emphasized, in the context of an hourglass shape with a nipped in waist.
And that silhouette, in my opinion, is not inherently unattractive. It’s intensely feminine – hey, that’s the whole point of the Venus of Willendorf – and it can be really hot. It’s true that THIS DRESS is poorly executed, agreed. But the mere fact that it exaggerates her thighs is not, in my opinion, a horrible sin. If this dress didn’t have a weird vagina-V and bad seaming, I think I would like its basic silhouette, emphasized thighs and all.

The point isn’t that it makes her hips big; it’s that it makes her hips and thighs look far out of proportion to the rest of her body, which is why we didn’t write “OMG, this makes her thighs look big,” and instead wrote, “it’s giving you giant hips and thighs, way out of proportion to your own body.”

j_anson

Yes, and my point is, I agree that the dress changes her silhouette. And I agree that it’s a badly-made dress for a variety of reasons. But I don’t think the change to the silhouette is actually the basic problem (it is a different but not an inherently un-sexy silhouette) and I do think that focusing on it makes a lot of girls who have that silhouette naturally feel like crap.

We kept our criticisms, as we always do, centered on the dress; in this case, the proportions of the dress. There is no commentary being made on her body, or on any other woman’s body.

j_anson

Yeah, but… I mean, if the core critique of the dress is, “that makes your thighs look larger than they are, hence it is an ugly dress,” you really don’t think that sends any message about the relative attractiveness of large thighs?

POO. As someone with “thunder thighs” I’ll way in here, J_anson. No,what TLo said didn’t make me feel bad about my hourglass shape. I was too busy laughing at the INYOURFACE ugliness of this dress. It would be unflattering on anyone regardless, because its just about the most horrid thing I’ve ever seen! I’ve never felt that any TLo post has been written in criticism of lady-stars bodies, or any body part in particular. *hint: its about the clothes!

Airkisses

TLo have always been supporters of different body types (for example, they question the typical “rules” about how big women should dress). All they do point out when a certain outfit does or doesn’t flatter their bodies (see: posts on Christina Hendricks, post on Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji), same as they do to the skinnier women as well.

They are also sensitive to gender-based double standards, ageism, and people of color in media, which just goes to show their character. Lack of proper proportion is a frequent observation of theirs independent of the person’s shape or size.

You’re outraged by mainstream media’s message that big thighs = bad. Which you should be! (My beef is: who invented the rule that inner thighs shouldn’t touch? :P) But I think you’re
projecting that onto TLo and reading into their post something that
they’re not saying at all. Look at the intention behind their words and it’s quite uplifting, actually.

Airkisses

From a Nov 2010 post on Rebel Wilson on Jay Leno:

“But look, that’s her body. That’s what her body does when she sits down. We still think she looks pretty fantastic. If we opined that she needed to either wear something big and flowy to hide her body or that she needed to corset herself to alter the shape of her body, we think that’d come off awfully condescending. We’ll recommend shapewear when a lady needs a tiny little bit of help to smooth out the bumps when she’s wearing something tight, but we don’t think shapewear should be deployed to attempt to radically alter a body’s shape (which never works anyway). And we’ve never been of the school of thinking that says larger-sized women should wear tents to hide their shape as if it’s shameful. To us, saying that she shouldn’t have worn that dress because it reveals that she has a prominent stomach would be the same thing as saying that she shouldn’t wear dresses because her legs aren’t sticks – and we’d never say that. To us, the real issue here is that it’s too short for her when she sits down, but we don’t think the silhouette or fit is wrong for her at all.” – TLo

j_anson

My beef is not with TLo in general. I like TLo! That’s why I’m here reading! And I agree that TLo are usually pretty good on this (heck, I’ve actually been on the “TLo are just fine here” side of comparable discussions on posts where I genuinely thought their commentary was reasonable and they were being called out for no reason).

But you know what? This particular post rubbed me the wrong way, and I thought it was an ill-considered critique as written, whatever their intentions were (I’m sure they were good – TLo seem like basically decent guys). I still do! Doesn’t mean I’m going to stomp off in a huff and stop reading. Just means I’m going to say my piece. Which I have done. 🙂

Airkisses

Agreed. As Voltaire wrote, “Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too.” 🙂

j_anson

To put it another way, it’s not very often commentators in the fashion industry say, “My god, woman! That corset! It makes your waist look disproportionately small! Worst dress ever!”

No, but you will hear commenters say that a dress takes away the wearer’s shape or makes the bust or hips look small.

Cannella3

Thank you.

Carolyn Warfield

“Venus of Willendorf.” I love you guys. Throwback to college art history classes, what what?

MilaXX

First look is really pretty. Second look made me say, “Da-yum, that is fugly.!”

Annabelle Archer

Well gossip hounds, I think we’ve answered the is Jeremy Renner a gay question. Because, in my heart of hearts, no gay friend would let his costar go in front of the cameras looking like that. Even if he wanted to be the prettiest belle of the ball, he would stop her and give her a firm “Oh honey noooooo”.

demidaemon

Oh, I don’t know about that. Just as we have catty women (think Mean Girls) who will undermine a friend there are catty gay men who will do the same (just look at some of the crap going on in the Untucked from this week’s RPDR). That said, maybe he didn’t even see her in this dress until they were both on the red carpet. At that point, it’s a little too late to do anything but get her off the RC before more pics get taken.

Rand Ortega

That 2nd look is what I put my turkey in last Thanksgiving.

Judy_J

Holy crap….that last outfit is a doozy. She looks like a potato waiting to be baked.

lizajane1776

Second one looks like jhodpurs. And I think I recognize the neckline from some that Helena Bonham-Carter has worn. Didn’t like it on her, either.

What on earth is going on with Jeremy Renner’s face? Did he just piss his makeup person off, or has he lost his mind and thinks he looks cute? Gemma looks a mess too. That second dress, I just can’t. It looks like it’s made out of loft insulation.

I get what you’re saying with regard to a nipped in waist and an hourglass shape. However, the dress that Gemma is wearing here achieves nothing even remotely close to the pencil skirt that, in your example, Sophia Loren is wearing. In fact, that dress actually ruins and detracts from the great feminine shape she has. There are flattering and unflattering ways of showcasing a more exaggerated female form — this dress falls in the latter category. I think this was TLo’s point.

H2olovngrl

She looks better than the wax figure she is posing with.

mjude

dear god the 2nd dress is AWFUL.

IMNAngryLiberal

Between the dress and the pose, all I can see in the second picture is a woman who really, really has to pee. Probably not what she was going for, huh?

crash1212

The only thing I like in any of these pictures are the shoes with the second….”look”? The rest of both looks is to laugh and roll ones eyes. That first dress makes her top half look like she should be playing football rather than attending a premier and the less said about that silver monstrosity the better. The only thing helping less with any of this is the existence of the Jeremy and his crazy-ass face. GAH. I wasn’t ever going to go see this Hansel and Gretel thing…now I wouldn’t consider it if somebody offered to pay my way. This makes me very cross!

Oh GAWD. I just chortled alone in my office. CHORTLED!
Bless her heart.

Kristy Evans

I actually uttered “Holy shit” out loud. Terrible.

stubbornthoughts

It’s as if the dress is making her stand in the pee position.

Kathy_Marlow

The second one should be burned..

ballerinawithagun

What happened Viv? That woman has the body that your clothes were meant for, but you didn’t give her the correct dress or fit it properly. Also the sleeves in the first dress hit her at a bad point and are a little tight. She is a gorgeous woman and requires womanly appropriate dresses. She needs the Joan Holloway look.

MissAmynae

My fingers are itching like crazy. Must…Tuck…HairWisps…behind…ears…

unbornfawn

WTF with that second dress? I think the print would have looked even better in front of a different background.

OMG – you are forcing me to look at Jeremy Renner again. I’m going to have nightmares.

Anniebet

Dayum, the bottom of that second dress looks like a silver diaper with chaps attached. Baffling. Unfortunate. Yuck-worthy.

another_laura

Wow. The Westwood. Catastrophically awful.

nannypoo

When I saw the first one I thought the photos had been mixed up and I was looking at the lowest low. Then I scrolled down and OMG it got even worse, an even lower lowest low. Who is this woman and why doesn’t someone send her some clothes?

libraangel

From Mount Everest (well, maybe not that high – let’s say Mount Washington in New Hampshire) to the very, very bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, that’s how far the first look goes down to the second, which is unfathomable. Yes, the WORST I have seen in a long, long time (even worse than some PR disasters): it almost makes me ill. (Is Jeremy Renner smiling – or laughing?!)

As a nine-years and counting student of the fine arts and art history, I am so incredibly delighted by the reference to the Venus of Willendorf in this post. Thank you, TLo. And at the same turn, SHAME on you, Vivienne Westwood, for turning a perfectly lovely young woman into a baked potato. A pudgy baked potato, at that.

Ah, yes, our lady of Willendorf is presumed to be displaying the fruitfulness that women can offer the world. Ms. Westwood’s creation, however, is displaying what can be done when you try to get “creative” with bias cuts and end up with droopy old tinfoil and heinous proportion.

bertkeeter

First look is way boring and pedestrian…second BEYOND horrific!

kikisayshi

Holy mother of God. It looks like she took the sun-reflector off her car windshield and sewed it with her Singer.
ETA: I do love the first dress, though.

SRQkitten

OUCH! January isn’t even over and the winner of the “worst dress of 2013” has been claimed. A strong contender for “disaster dress of the decade.”

It almost looks like it has pants legs. I usually love Westwood…what the hell was WRONG with her the day she designed this???

I bet Renner bought it for her, to distract from whatever the hell is going on with his face these days.

SewingSiren

This dress has kind of stuck in my mind and I as was searching the internet for additional pictures (with her feet on the right way) to analyze the construction. Because I don’t mind a difficult or artistic dress on the right woman. But the back view of this one is more than difficult or artistic it really has to be seen to be believed.

ccm800

Liberace and the Giant Vagina Moth

RzYoung

First dress = gorgeous, second dress I mistook for a jumpsuit – man, it might’ve been less offensive if it were!

TRSTL

Oh, VIVIENNE! What did this poor girl(or really any woman) ever do to you to make such an awful, awful dress?

maggiemaybe

“Venus of Willendorf realness.” That’s pretty perfect. You may have outdone yourself with that one…

I LOVE that dress!! Why not serve up Venus of Willendorf realness? That weird little doll was stone age porn, after all. Let’s agree giant thighs and hips can be sexy. She knew what she was doing with that dress. Stop being so pedestrian and 100% buying into the size zero ethos, TLO.