Worst - Cricket bat to the skull
Worse - Cricket bat to the face
Bad - Cricket bat to the knees
Alright - Cricket bat to the arm
Good - Cricket bat to the hand, complete with an 'eff off, buggah' (or a similer phrase about 8 pages long, if you're from yorkshire)
Better - Cricket bat to the
finger
Best - Dismissive 'kthxbye' as they turn their back