Thursday, June 24, 2010

Itty-Bitty Town Police Report

* A resident along the local hiking trail reported a subject on the trail yelling and screaming, June 17. Deputies were unable to locate the subject.

* Chainsaw noise was reported in the area of a local campground on June 16. Deputies located an intoxicated ex-logger and advised him of the complaint. The logger agreed not to make any more noise.

(Wow! That was easy. I want to be a deputy!)

* A resident in a nearby town called to report two bears in his front yard, June 13.

(Dang! I never see two bears in my front yard!)

* Deputies responded to a report of trespassing on private tidelands and theft of shellfish, on June 13.

* A dog and his owner were reported to have been contaminated June 7. The dog and animal owner were "deconned." The dog was taken to the shelter for safekeeping while the owner was shipped out for an evaluation.

(Uh huh...)

* Deputies took a report June 11, of a civil situation regarding tax returns being deposited into the wrong bank account.

(How come nobody ever deposits a tax return into MY bank account?)

* A man sleeping along the road caused deputies to stop for a welfare check on June 2. Deputies gave the man a courtesy ride to the next county.

(Ha! Take him to the next county! That's the ticket!)

* A chicken would not leave a property on a local road on June 2. The caller was advised to call Animal Rescue or relocate the chicken.

* A local man called the Sheriff's Office on May 28 to inform deputies that he was not going to pay a medical bill because he did not agree with the charges.

(Hey! I might try that next time, myself!)

* A man stabbed a basketball that children were playing with along a local street, May 29.

(Um....OK... You can draw your own conclusions on this one.)

* A professional panhandler was reported in the town on May 31. When contacted by deputies, the man explained that he was only obtaining enough money for one meal a day and he was not a professional. The man also said he was upset because the people in this town used to give him more handouts.

* The Sheriff's office assisted the U.S. Coast Guard with locating a possible missing helicopter, June 5. The helicopter was located.

(Aw, come ON! How do you lose a HELICOPTER, for pete's sake?)

And that's this week's Police Report.Believe me....You CANNOT make this stuff up.....

Two bears! I'd like to see that but from a safe distance. What were the dog and owner contaminated with? The mind boggles. And really, those stubborn chickens are very difficult to deal with. I feel for the local constabulary. Perhaps they forgot where they parked their helicopter whilst chasing the chook! Love these. So much better than our local news,