This video teaches you all you need to know about eating healthy … kinda

Comedian/blogger Jeff Wysaski, who is pretty (JOURNALISM!), brings you handy tips for how to eat healthy and stay in shape. Burn calories running to greet the pizza guy! Eat bright-colored foods like Skittles! Avoid death! I think I can stay on this diet.

A few more tips not covered in the video:

Opt for 40-ounce beers instead of the usual pansy-ass 16-ounce cans — it’ll work your biceps when you lift them to your mouth.