The Week in Quotes: August 30, 2007

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JANKY SPANKY

"I still make some moves that are amazing to myself and make me wonder, 'Damn, how did I just do that?'"

-- Redskins running back (and model of humility) Clinton Portis

"After Carolina picked DeShaun Foster in the second round, I didn't watch anymore of the draft ... I swear, I thought I was a top ten pick after my pro day. I ran a 4.27 in the 40, didn't drop a pass, my vertical jump was a 38 or 39. I had an unbelievable pro day, but then all of the sudden it was that I was 'too cocky' and people questioned my attitude. People didn't think I would pan out, and didn't think I could take the pounding of being an every-down back in the NFL."

-- Portis, suggesting he can be an every-down back in the NFL

"I remember when Jamal Lewis broke the single-game rushing record. We were playing in San Diego and [Shannon] Sharpe asked me if I had seen what had happened and told me I needed to top Lewis. I was like, 'Let's go get it.' The first quarter I had seven carries for 121 yards and ended up hurting my sternum on a fluke play. I got caught in the clay and was falling on the play while my chest was left open; I got hit and couldn't finish the game."

-- Portis, moments later, apparently without any sense of irony

"I designed it, I decorated it, I came up with the color scheme and I came up with all the ideas. I didn't call anyone, it was just me sitting down in the basement figuring out what I wanted to do and that's what I came up with. To this day I'm still proud of that place, but right now, what I'm doing to my basement will top anything you've ever seen on that program."

"I wasn't in the stands, but toughness does run in my family. I can't say that my mom did do that because I wasn't there in the stands. I think that fan is full of ****, and was in the wrong. This is a lovely game and we need to keep it lovely. It's OK to jaw jack, but never get personal when you're cheering for something you have no control over. No fan can control an NFL game. No fan at all. I think the game should be enjoyable and the fans should come out and have a good time. If you want to come out and get drunk and talk trash, keep it friendly."

-- Portis, when asked about the incident where his mother punched an Eagles fan in the stands

"How he [LaDainian Tomlinson] manages to stay scot-free on so many plays is exciting because I'm in the same position and I can't find a way to go through a hole untouched like that."

"We have investigated the David Boston situation and feel that we have an understanding of the facts. At this time, we have seen no objective evidence to support the charges that were brought against him."

A BROKEN MIRROR NEVER REFLECTS AGAIN; FALLEN FLOWERS NEVER GO BACK TO THE OLD BRANCHES.

"This whole thing is like a sea of water. And I'm a Navy SEAL. I'm out of the plane. I'm in the air. I'm committed. There's no turning back. But I'm excited."

-- Priest Holmes, attempting to explain his inexplicable return to the NFL

"If people don't understand, maybe it isn't for them to understand."

-- Holmes Koan I

"It's like I'm a character in this book."

-- Holmes Koan II

"Look at me. I'm here. I don't have to be here. I could have retired. I have money. I have records. I have fame. But I'm here, making something out of nothing. If the guys can tune into that, I think I can help them find their own path."

-- Holmes, describing how his return might help younger players

"I look at it like we're all climbing a mountain together. I've got my backpack on -- in there I've got all my struggles, all my pain, all my discomfort, all my own indecision, all my own doubts, stuff like that. I'm packing it all, and I'm going over the mountain because I want to see what's on the other side."

THE WEEK IN HERM

"You drive by that Krispy Kreme, you see that sign that say 'Hot,' you pull your car in there and you get me a dozen glazed donuts and you make sure they are on my desk on Saturday morning. I don't care about anything else."

"I don't know their reasons for getting rid of me. I kicked good for 10 years there. I was never told why I was released, but ... it doesn't really matter to me."

-- Mare

"I don't know how many more extra points the Saints will kick than the Dolphins, but I bet it will be at least 20. It's going to be a big deal for me."

-- Mare

"The only thing I thought was a little bit crazy was he had a team meeting after the season was over and he talked about the off-season program, which was obviously irrelevant. He committed like everybody else. I'm sure Wayne's pissed off, but Nick's got to do what's best for Nick."

"Of course I signed it. I'm here. We worked it out and both sides are happy."

-- Samuel, when asked if he had signed his franchise tender

"I'm not going to get into that, but you know it is what it is. Both sides are happy and I'm here and I'm ready to play football, so it doesn't really matter who gained as long as both sides are happy."

-- Samuel, when asked if he had gained anything by holding out

"No, I don't have no regrets. It is what it is, and I did what I felt I needed to do and we're happy and I'm here to play football."

-- Samuel, when asked if he had any regrets

"I feel how I feel about myself and that's all that really matters at the end of the day. I feel I'm one of the best in the NFL, and you know I just got to go out and keep proving it. I'm a fourth-rounder. I come from the bottom. I made my name all on my own; nothing was given to me, so I'm happy."

-- Samuel, when asked if he was fighting to be the best cornerback in the NFL

"That's the past. I'm ready to go, I'm here and I'm happy."

-- Samuel, when asked if he was worried about potentially missing 10 weeks of the season

"I'm here. Both sides made an agreement and both sides are happy. So if I'm here, I'm obviously happy."

-- Samuel, when asked about the difference between now and four weeks ago (Boston Globe)

THE REST

"He's trying to coach from the cart and you look at him and you just want to hit the gas."

-- Chad Johnson, describing Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis' attempt to coach from a golf cart after he had ankle surgery (Cincinnati Post)

"He's had a knee, he's had a back, he's had a lot of things. If he was a horse, he'd be a quart of glue."

"By the time the quarter was over, there were 35 plays. I had written down 23 plays where we messed up. That's a really bad first quarter."

-- 49ers head coach Mike Nolan, describing the first quarter of the 49ers-Bears preseason game (San Francisco Chronicle)

"The one play was the play from Indianapolis. It was the deep over and the outside post. It wasn't exactly the same. The backside player ran a shallow cross, so he was low. We gained the backside corner against Indy. The play yesterday wasn't a shallow cross; it was a deep out. We lost the backside corner, but it's really the free safety who gets eaten up by that over. The corner to the side of the post is expecting that free safety to be there. Now when the guy runs to the post, he disappears and it's usually a big play."

-- Jets head coach Eric Mangini, proving his nickname may be well deserved (NY Daily News)

"Well, you get a lot of free stuff. You get free clothes, and you get people who want to give you free suits."

-- Matt Leinart, lying about the biggest perk of playing in the NFL (GQ)

Send your quote ideas to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com, and consider this: Without speaking, without silence, how can you express the truth?

Posted by: Ben Riley on 30 Aug 2007

21 comments, Last at
04 Sep 2007, 8:52pm by
Sid

Comments

1

by dryheat (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 11:47am

I'm of a mind that between Herm, Huggies, and Holmes we could have an entire Chiefs' edition. Why couldn't they have signed FredEx? Oh wait...he sucks.

2

by Chris G (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 12:38pm

Clinton Portis - the sports reporter's best friend. I've got to say that I thought Herm was off his rocker, but he's absolutley right about the "hot" sign. Bowe better not touch my donuts either. Don't touch 'em!

3

by Theo, Holland (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 12:49pm

In some countries (hint: most are North of the Mediterranean Sea) the police has those alcohol testers.
A driver blows into it and it goes green (sober) or red (to much to drink).

4

by Ryan (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 12:52pm

Saved the best for last!

5

by hooper (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 12:54pm

I thought the Herm quotes were genius this time around. I can only imagine what those donuts smelled like to a guy who was probably on a strict diet and burning lots and lots of calories during training.

I'm no fan of Krispy Kreme, but Bowe had to be starving by the time he dropped them off, just from the aroma.

And now, after a quick web search, I know what a Koan is. Not that I'll have much use for the word after today, but at least I can say that I learned something. :)

Darryl Drake the Bear's wide receiver coach had some good ones this past week.

"I've never been around a guy who has gotten hurt that bad blocking," Drake said. "I've been around guys who've gotten hurt running with the football and catching the football, but blocking? That's one of the least physical things a guy does.

"Where he got himself in trouble was his technique was poor. He just got hit wrong because he went low. It's not college football. We're not trying to cut-block. But it was just a reaction. He's got to learn, 'I have to block high.' If he's going to be out there on any given play, I hope like heck he's going to block. If he's not, he's not going to be in there."

On Hester getting hurt blocking on a running play. (link in my name)

He had an even better one where he told the press to stop bitching about Hester being used to block, if the want him to play wide receiver he is going to have to block, but I can't find it now.

8

by Drunkmonkey (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 1:56pm

You know, I have never been able to forgive the Panthers for that mistake. I mean, the second we went on the clock, I was screaming my head off to take Portis. Who do we take? DeShaun Freaking Foster! I mean, come on! This is so not fair. I almost forgot about it, then Portis had to go and remind me... Thanks...

9

by Rich Conley (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 2:01pm

"Mangini = Talkative Belichick ???"

If you asked Bellichick about that play, he probably would have given you the same response.

Its when you ask him who Tom Brady is dating that he walks out of the press conference.

You ask stupid questions, he gives you stupid answers. You ask good questions, and he lets loose.

10

by Jumpin Jahosofat (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 2:05pm

Man! If Herm keeps butchering the English language like this, he might actually be able to be president some day!

11

by zip (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 2:40pm

â€œHeâ€™s had a knee, heâ€™s had a back, heâ€™s had a lot of things. If he was a horse, heâ€™d be a quart of glue.â€?

I LOL'ed!

12

by JJcruiser (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 3:51pm

Can someone explain what Mangenius was talking about? Was he describing a real play from last year? Something the Jets ran or Indy ran? What does it mean to "gain" the corner or "lose" the corner? That they did or did not get beat?

13

by B (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 3:55pm

The point of the Mangini quote, I guess, is that he recalled, in perfect detail, a play that happened nine months ago.

14

by Unshakable Optimist (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 4:21pm

My guess would be that gaining a corner is when you run a rout designed to draw him to your man, and he does. Then you have another receiver run into the area he was supposed to be covering, like a flood play.

Losing the corner sounds like running a rout that has him pass you off to someone else. Just a guess, though.

15

by Unshakable Optimist (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 4:25pm

Oh, and it doesn't necessarily have to be against zone. You can gain a corner simply to isolate someone against a saftey or linebacker, creating a potential match up problem or setting them up for a rout that's near impossible to defend from their position.

16

by JACO (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 4:30pm

@12: To "gain" or "lose" the corner probably means to gain or lose their coverage or attention. By having someone on the backside do a shallow cross, you basically force the cornerback or linebacker to cover him. So to do certain routes and have someone drift over into an area where someone's attention is already occupied, that's what Mangini meant by someone dissappearing into an area, and thus freeing up a big play (think Jerricho Cotchery).

17

by Insancipitory (not verified) :: Thu, 08/30/2007 - 6:59pm

Herm needs his own quasi-motivational cable channel. All Herm, all the time. I bet he even says awesome stuff when he sleeps.

18

by emcee fleshy (sd/atl) (not verified) :: Fri, 08/31/2007 - 1:22am

what's the point if the sign isn't blinking?

19

by MilkmanDanimal (not verified) :: Fri, 08/31/2007 - 12:19pm

Not having HBO, I've missed the Joy of Herm. Thank Netflix I'll be able to watch it soon.

20

by Alex (not verified) :: Fri, 08/31/2007 - 10:09pm

In some countries (hint: most are North of the Mediterranean Sea) the police has those alcohol testers.
A driver blows into it and it goes green (sober) or red (to much to drink).

Yeah, we have those in the US, but instead of green or red, they just give the Blood Alcohol Content, and the police officer checks if it's over the limit of the state they're in.

â€œYou drive by that Krispy Kreme, you see that sign that say â€˜Hot,â€™ you pull your car in there and you get me a dozen glazed donuts and you make sure they are on my desk on Saturday morning. I donâ€™t care about anything else.â€?

one of the many reasons the chiefs won't come close to the playoffs this season.