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This section was my workspace for philosophy essays between July 2006 and April 2008.
I call this "Prehistoric Kilroy" because it gave me practice for more
disciplined essays in Kilroy Cafe.Also see my philophical blog and Twitter feed.

Issue #81, 2/24/2007

Parental Justice

By Glenn CampbellFamily Court Philosopher

In Issue #38
(“Evil Explained”), we described evil as a
dysfunctional pattern in the brain that can be detected by a
polygraph. One internal lie requires another to cover it
up—and another and another—until the brain is a
mess of self-contradicting intentions. You don't even need
to turn the polygraph on to see an evasive reaction. Just
hooking someone evil to the machine is sufficient to make them
squirm and react against the test.

A practical question is, how do you stop evil from the
outside? It isn't easy. Truly entrenched evil is
self-sustaining. If you point out someone's carefully
protected lie, they are going to instantly react, perhaps by
lashing out at you. They will probably accuse you of lying,
of being worthless or having bad intentions, and thereby your
criticism will be disabled.

Still, you have to try, especially if it is someone you care
about or are responsible for. Children, for example, need
to have their lies corrected. If you catch your son or
daughter deceiving you or otherwise acting in bad faith, you
absolutely must respond. It is one of your highest
parental duties. This doesn't have to be a harsh response,
but the child must have the sense that they have been
"caught" and that lying is not acceptable.

Take shoplifting. Is it bad? You could make an argument
that pocketing a pack of gum at Wal-Mart is relatively
harmless and even a service to humanity. Wal-Mart isn't
going to be hurt by it and probably won't prosecute if you
are caught. What is damaging, especially to children, is
the deliberate deception that must go along with it. If you
are lifting a pack of gum, you have to hide this fact and
essentially maintain two faces. If your act is successful,
you may come to see deception as a legitimate way to get
what you want, and thus begins the cancerous descent into
evil.

If a child steals from Wal-Mart, they need to be caught, not
for Wal-Mart's benefit but for their own. Young deceptions
must be detected and appropriately “corrected,”
or they may grow into a lifetime of self-deception and internal
conflict.

This is the test of compassionate parenting. "Trust but
verify." No matter how close you may be to your child,
sooner or later they are going to try to pull the wool over
your eyes, and you need to have your radar on to detect it.
There has to be an appropriate response on your part;
otherwise, the deception will escalate until it reaches a
point where you have no control over it.

It is pretty much like dog training. The dog wants to
please you, but he is also going to test your limits. If
you let him get away with things that he "knows" aren't
right, then you are soon going to have an uncontrollable
mutt.

Deception has obvious personal benefits. Why should you do
your chores when you can just say that you did
them and go play instead? Hopefully, adults learn that you
can't cheat the system like this: The chores have to be done
or you are going to pay the price later. Children,
however, don't grasp the whole cause-and-effect cycle yet. For
them, the main issue should be good faith/bad faith. Are you
presenting yourself honestly or deceptively? Are you doing
what you said you would do, or are your words and actions
two different things?

Of course, the parent has to create a world where honesty
actually gets you places and doesn't just bring punishment.
Many children become deceptive because that is their only
means of survival. If they don't want to be beaten, they
have to learn to hide things. This sets up the destructive
double world of lies vs. reality. There is something that
you feel inside and something else that you tell the world,
and over time this expensive dichotomy eats away at the
integrity of your brain.

A brain built on lies is not a fun one to live in. Your
inner world is fenced in by frightening inconsistencies and
unhealed wounds that your thoughtstream is constantly trying
to avoid. One self-deception leads to another and another,
until the brain is a tangled mess, and you are trapped in a
repetitive pattern of self-destructive actions.

The seduction of lies should be addressed at the beginning.
We shouldn't expect sainthood from our children, just
reasonable consistency with themselves.

—G.C.

Reader Comments

“Family Court doesn't care if the parents lie and get caught lying so maybe those Judges should substitute "parent" for child in your article and MAKE RULINGS to save the children.”
— 3/3/07 (rating=4)