"For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord..." Jeremiah 29:11

Friday, July 6, 2012

And now we wait...

What a week it has been!!! Yesterday went well, or at least I think it did. Cozart went into the doctor's office at 8am to "make his deposit" which resulted in more super-human-like numbers than the last 2 analyses. Just to give you an idea of what I am talking about; normal sperm count is 40 million, they want to see anything over 20 million. Cozart's count was 698 MILLION pre-wash and 221 million post-wash. Dr. D suggested we frame his results and hang them up somewhere. I would not be surprised if Cozart just so happened to swing by a Michael's today to do just that. Although the count is fantastic and much better than we could have hoped for, there still needs to be at least 1 swimmer that can figure out where it needs to go. Luckily, Cozart has no problem asking for directions, hopefully his swimmers share the same mentality.

The procedure itself was very quick and virtually painless. Some cramping but nothing intolerable. Many of you have asked how I am feeling today or if I am on bedrest and the answer is, no, not at all. IUI, unlike IVF, is extremely natural. I wasn't sedated, the only drug I took was a natural hormone and the procedure was minimally (if at all) invasive. Other than having to be at the doctor at 11:30, yesterday was just like any other day. I even went to yoga last night. It's actually a little weird how normal I do feel. It has felt like such a huge deal, leading up to this day, you would think I would feel different, but I don't.

As far as my feelings about whether it will work this time around; I'm leaning more towards the negative than the positive. Only because I felt so unprepared and unaware of what to expect. Like I said in my last post, this feels like a practice round. I went into the ultrasound on Tuesday thinking I would have to come back Wednesday to do it all over again and possibly Thursday too. It all happened so quickly and, although everything worked out, I can't help but think we missed something along the way. But I can't dwell on what I wish I would have known, and didn't or what I wish we would have done, and didnt. If it works HALLELUJAH, if it doesn't, we will just be better prepared for the next time!

Another question I have been posed with a number of times is; who will we tell if it does work? That's kind of a tough one to answer and something Cozart and I have to discuss further. I mean, I have kind of sucked you all in and how would I not tell you now that you've been given a play-by-play of this experience? But, at the same time, even just leading up to yesterday, I was asked questions like; where will you deliver? Do you want a boy or a girl? Do you have names picked out? And have been given parenting/pregnancy advice. Of course, I appreciate every one's excitement and I know that it comes from a good place but I am an EXTREMELY superstitious person. Talking to me like I am already pregnant, freaks me out! I can't help but think I jynxed it all!!! So with that being said, I would love to have a moment where we all jump up and down with excitement and start buying baby clothes but until I know we are in the clear, I may not feel like posting it on Facebook or putting it on a billboard on the side of I-4 for the world to see. BUT.... (there are so many BUTS) if it doesn't work, obviously I will be walking you all through this process again. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself and should just say, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it... in 14 (very long) days.

My next appointment is on Friday to have more blood drawn to test my progesterone level. Until then, I will do my best to stay busy and try not to think about it too much (YEAH RIGHT!!!).

"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want."