How to Click with Anyone

Bonding with people doesn't just feel good—it also helps you get what you want in life. We recruited Ori Brafman, coauthor of Click: The Magic of Instant Connections, to share the secrets to making it happen.

Here's the real deal: You may be
talented and charming, but it's the
ability to click with anyone—your
boss, that hottie, new friends—
who can ultimately land you the
promotion, a date, and strong
BFF bonds. "Instant connections
are very powerful," says Ori Brafman,
coauthor of Click. "In fact,
studies show relationships that
start this way can be even better and more
meaningful than those that form at a
slower pace because they feel like they
were meant to be." That's why learning
how to forge that simpatico thing with
someone is an extremely profitable skill.

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After reviewing years of research on
what unites people, Brafman says that
initiating chemistry is contingent on sussing out a few commonalities and
capitalizing on them. That means
sharing something personal (we're
talking unique to you, not TMI) so
the other person reciprocates and a
rapport becomes established. But to
do that, you have to make them feel
at ease and get them talking in the
first place. Brafman has discovered
three behavioral facts that can give
you an edge when trying to become
close to someone...and up the odds
of connecting.

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The Shared-Space Factor

People will subconsciously feel more
comfortable with you when you occupy
the same space, because it gives
the pseudosense of being part of a
little club, says Brafman. And it
doesn't have to be someplace confined,
like an elevator. In fact, there's
a fine line between feeling cozy and
entrapped, and the last thing you want
to do is corner your target.

Any area that has breathing space
but defined borders—like a kitchen
or lounge—can register as intimate.
So let's say you're trying to get in with
your boss. Strike when you're both in
the break room, and share a bit of personal
info (i.e., something interesting
that you've done as opposed to the fact
that you're attracted to tall dudes), like
how you're craving the awesome coffee
from the vacation you just got back
from and ask if she misses anything
from her recent trip.

NEXT: Two more things that may make you bond with someone...

The Survivor Factor

Suffering through a challenging situation
with other people is prime time
for bonding. And the tougher the challenge,
the better, says Brafman, because
it flips a survival switch in our
brains that makes us realize we're all
in it together. It is the same tactic used
in boot camps and college orientations
and explains why we tend to bond with
the people we wait in annoyingly long
lines with. So if an acquaintance you'd
like to get closer to needs help moving,
pitch in and build on that chaos and
exhaustion to create a stronger attachment.
Or volunteer to stay late at work
to get a nightmare project done together
with a seemingly cool coworker
to really forge a connection.

The Proximity Factor

Clicking doesn't involve just talking.
Being in a person's sight makes a difference
in how likely she is to let down
her guard and start chatting, Brafman
says. As a matter of fact, your frequent
presence automatically makes you
seem more likable and attractive, according
to a University of Pittsburgh
study. And physical closeness increases
the likelihood of becoming
tight even more. So that cute neighbor?
Make it a habit to leave your
apartment
at the same time he does
so you "bump" into him often. It'll
make him feel inexplicably close to
you and up the chances that you'll hit
it off when you start talking.