Mr Spall is never going to forgive us for trashing his new shuttle at the ground-breaking ceremony. He was so mad – I didn’t think human faces could turn that colour.

NARRATOR

And Miranda Thomas as Taya Ray Parsec.

TAYA RAY

He sure was purple, wasn’t he? It was a nice colour for a sweater, but for a face, not so much.

NARRATOR

And featuring Nick Edwards as Mr Spall.

MR SPALL

For the sake of my nerves, there should be several worlds between you two and me for a little while.

NARRATOR

Episode number 11 – Catastrophe at Black Rock

Location: Inside shuttle

MR SPALL

(Over com, still angry.) The length of your assignment at Black Rock will depend on your record there, or on my mood, whichever is blackest.

SARAH, TAYA RAY

(Dutiful, depressed.) Yes, Mr Spall.

MR SPALL

(Over com, resigned.) Just try not to infect any of the trainees with your inexhaustible ability to find ways to screw things up. Spall out.

Beeps/clicks to indicate end of com conversation.

TAYA RAY

Boy, he still sounds so mad.

SARAH

Yeah, but not so mad that he couldn’t come up with an inventive punishment. Assigned to Black Rock Training Centre. Indefinitely. (Sarcastic.) Fantastic.

TAYA RAY

I don’t get why it’s such a bad assignment.

SARAH

Are you serious? Black Rock’s got to be the most depressing assignment a terraformer can ever get. The clue’s in the name, Taya Ray! The centre’s the only part of the moon where the terraforming held properly. There’s nowhere else to go and nothing else to do.

TAYA RAY

Then why build a training centre there?

SARAH

The powers that be realised it was safer letting trainee terraformers loose on a moon that was already a black rock. It’s not like they can make it any worse.

TAYA RAY

I guess that makes sense. I remember some of the things we messed up in training... Yeah, it probably would have been better if we’d done those things away from where people were, you know, actually living...

SARAH

Exactly. (Sarcastic.) Well, we missed out on the joyful experience of being trainees at Black Rock, but now we get to enjoy life there as instructors. Yay for us!

TAYA RAY

And I’m guessing that being given this old junker of a shuttle to use is another part of Mr Spall’s punishment?

SARAH

Oh yes. (Sarcastic.) We get to arrive in style, assuming we arrive at all, that is.

Clunks and scrapes over next line as Taya Ray tries to adjust her seat.

TAYA RAY

(Breathing heavily from the effort.) I can’t even get this seat into the right position—

SARAH

Oh, don’t try to move it! Mr Spall said—

SHUTTLE WARNING SYSTEM

Life support failure. Check oxygen levels at once.

TAYA RAY

(Panicked.) What?! Help!

SARAH

(Resigned.) Don’t panic. It’s a false alarm. Mr Spall said that warning always comes on if you try to adjust the seats.

TAYA RAY

(Sheepish.) Oh.

Musical cue to indicate passing of time.

Location: Inside shuttle

SARAH

(Sarcastic.) Well, isn’t this fun? Our first training exercise involves sitting in this piece of fei oo shuttle, enjoying a magnificent vista of absolute nothingness and checking in with our trainee teams every hour.

TAYA RAY

It’s not really the most thrilling of assignments, is it?

SARAH

Nothing slips by you, does it? (beat.) Well, it’s time to see what shenanigans our dear trainees have gotten themselves into...

Beeps/clicks to indicate use of com as appropriate over following lines.

SARAH

Team Alpha, this is Brunel. Do you read?

Silence...

TAYA RAY

I guess not.

SARAH

Team Bravo, this is your chance to shine. Do you read?

Silence...

TAYA RAY

At what point do we start to get worried, Sarah?

SARAH

Team Charlie, we’re 0 for 2 here. Talk to us...

Silence...

SARAH

Ok, this is officially our cue to get worried. Please tell me that we haven’t just lost all three teams on our first day.

TAYA RAY

Lost them where? There’s nowhere for them to go!

SARAH

Fair point. But you let newbies play with big boy terraforming toys and who knows what can happen...

Muffled sound of cat purring.

SARAH

(Curious, without panic.) What was that?

TAYA RAY

(Animated.) It sounded like a wild animal roaring in the distance! Do you think the teams have been eaten?!

SARAH

Um, that would be a no. Don’t think large animal far away – think small animal very close...

Creak as Sarah opens a panel under the console and then non-muffled sounds of a cat miaowing.

SARAH

Out you come, kitty. Was that a nice spot for your nap? Next time try not to pull out the com wires!

TAYA RAY

(Getting it.) Oh!

SARAH

(Talking to herself as she puts the wires back where they should be.) That one goes in there, that one in there, and there we go.