Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Why is life with a toddler so exciting you say? Well, here are just a few examples of why no one rests easy in our home...except when the little devil is asleep or off on an adventure with his grandparents (or some other brave soul):

You're on a never-ending hunt for the T.V. remote and when you FINALLY find it, it's in the oddest of places (between the kitchen sink cabinet and the oven, in your husband's boot, under a pile of unwrapped, albeit thankfully clean, toilet paper...need I go on?).

You find yourself clapping along enthusiastically every time the little fella' throws something in the garbage can (nevermind that he usually drags something out of the garbage can specifically so he can throw it back in so that he can hear his audience applaud him). Can boys be divas??

The words "tractor," "daddy," and "bath" all kick off a flurry of toddler excitement that can only be expressed in shrieks and spastic dance moves.

You always have someone available who will be more than happy to push the little red panic button on your car key remote entry and alert the neighbors to that handy little alarm device...the neighborhood dogs especially appreciate that noise.

You find yourself sprinting across the living room more often than you'd like in order to snatch the remote control to the satellite out of someone's tiny fingers...preferably before that tiny someone clicks "Yes" to the question, "Confirm Purchase?" for the MLB sports package that can be paid in three easy payments of $29.99.

Because it is amazing to realize that this child can reach things six feet off the ground and four times the length of his tiny arms away from him...like the remote...or the car keys with that nifty red panic button.

Because who else do you know that loves to boogie down to the Toyota Prius and McDonald's commercials?

Okay, if anyone out there is wondering if your son may be destined to one day grow up into a handsome young redneck, here are a fewred flags that might get your attention...

Clue #1: If your son received a gun while still in utero...you may grow up to be a redneck. (Thanks Mr. Freeman!)

Clue #2: If the mere uttering of the word "tractor" makes you break into an elaborate set of dance moves before you can even speak...you maygrow up to be a redneck.

Clue #3: If you once teethed on the moist bottom of a Pepper's Deli cup or your favorite toy used to be an empty (and clean) Skoal can...you may grow up to be a redneck. (Thanks Honey!)

Clue #4: If Fried Pork Skins are a favorite treat soon after you start to teethe...you may grow up to be a redneck. (Sorry piggy!)

Clue #5: If NASCAR races are almost as interesting as anything on the RFD channel (oh, come on, you know - the agriculture channel that has tractor shows, horse whisperers, and cattle feeding techniques...don't deny that you record the tractor pulls!)...you may grow up to be a redneck.

Clue #6: If your favorite color seems to be "camo" and you can easily and comfortably pose next to a Ford pickup while wearing your camo overalls (and wearing your matching camo cap)...you may grow up to be a redneck.

Clue #7: Your dad grows tomatoes in upside-down 5-gallon buckets...you may grow up to be a redneck.

Feel free to post any additional "red flags" that youmay be aware of in the comments section. :)