Be gentle, it's my first time

I really don't know why or how I ended up here tonight. I guess I'm just so tired of being alone and feeling suicidal. I was searching for sites about suicide, maybe to find one that could help me get it right this time. I have unfortunatley survived two attempts. But this came up.

A little FYI about me. I suffer from depression, panic attacks, anxiety, recently diagnosed as bi-polar, went for my first cancer treatment and spend most of my days sitting in my house not wanting to know the world exists. No this isn't a oh poor me, I accept all the crap that has fallen on me. It's just that I can't stand what it is doing to my children. They don't know what will take me first suicide or cancer. I hate what I am doing to them. I try so hard ever day trying to make things better for them but at the end of the day, when they are all asleep, nothing has changed. I can't keep doing this. I try telling everyone that I am just soooo tired emotionally and physically. But they are all "normal" and can't understand. I guess I am hoping that there is someone out there tonight who does understand. Not that I'm saying your "abnormal" but maybe just my kind of "normal." Well there it is. I could go into greater detail but I've said enough and wasted enough time.

glad you found us, i too was looking for ways to sleep and not wake up and came across sf, like you i am feeling stressed, pressured, anxious, depressed, lonely and trying to find a reason to live.
its hard i know, being so tired everyday trying to act normal and not worry those i love with what i am going thru.
i have a long way to go and i think you do to but it can be done so i have been told and i think i am willing to try, at least on my good days.
we are here to help and listen when you want us.
but think on this, and this is something i am trying to work on, if you told your family how you feel and what you want to do, what would they say, how would they feel and what would they want you to do ?
take care and stay safe