Am I Being Selfish About Shower? Kind of Long....

I know I may be being selfish, but I just needed someplace to vent. My mom is hosting the shower. Naturally, all of my (female) family will be there, and I invited a few friends. I asked SO who he wanted to invite, thinking it would probably be just his mom and grandma, and maybe a few aunts. He's not really close to anyone else in his fam. Anyway, he starts wanting to invite all his aunts, cousins, and people I don't know/never met. I didn't want all these random people coming, who I had never met and never even heard of. Especially since my mom is doing all the work, not his. But after my my mom told me that I was being selfish and that its his baby too and he can invite whoever he wants, I chilled out and just dealt with it. We went to his mom's house the other day to get addresses, and now not only are his aunts, cousins, etc on there...this list has now come to include his MOM'S godparents, a few of her friends, his grandmother's sister, and a few of his grandmother's friends. I haven't said anything else to him about it, I am just trying to grin and bare it. But, I'm upset. My anxiety is bad enough around groups of people and strangers, and I obviously cannot take my klonopin to chill out like I could pre preggo. I really at this point don't even want to have a shower. Am I completey out of line here? Please be honest....

Comments (26)

I think people just love pregnant women and your MIL wants to show you off :)
The more the merrier!! It's a party and if your mom is okay with putting in a little extra work, then it's cool.
If you want to have a quiet little get together closer to your due date, maybe with just really close friends and family, that would work?
Just breathe and soak it up mama :)

I understand where you are coming from and I know it might be uncomfortable to have people there that you don't know, but I do think his family should get to be involved if they want to be. At least they aren't wanting to have a seperate baby shower for you where you won't know anyone and then it would be really uncomfortable! It is unfortunate for your Mom though if she now has to double the food and everything but if she's not complaining about it then just relax and have a good time.

I am kind of having the opposite problem...my SO's extended family (other than one aunt), who I am not friends with on facebook and have only met a few times, have sent me messages of congratulations and such and asking me how I am doing and when i am due, things like that, and I told his Mom they were welcome to come to the baby shower if they wanted and she doesn't want to invite anyone but herself and her sister from her side of the family because we have only met a few times and SHE thinks it would be rude to invite them. This is very weird to me because I come froma large Italian family and as we say, the more the merrier!

That sucks really bad, and I totally understand where you're coming from. I know all of my DH's family but just don't like them and therefore didn't want them around LOL BUT my mom told it to me like this, "Usually when you have a party, half of the people you invite won't come anyway and if they do show up, it's just more presents for the baby."

Thank you all, I really appreciate your support and words of advice. I think if my anxiety wasn't a factor, this whole thing wouldn't be an issue. I just wanted honest feedback, and I appreciate your help :-)

There were people in my family I didn't know at my first baby shower, I felt weird at first but it was just fine. It actually turned out to be a great thing because one of them bought my baby the crib set I wanted most! There will be people I don't know at this shower as well, it is SO's first baby, and his mothers first grandchild. My mother is throwing it, and between all our invites there will be close to 40 people there!

I had the same issue, but it was my mil wanting to invite everyone, not dh. She wasn't even going to be at the shower, but wanted all kinds of ppl I had never met, and dh hadn't seen in over a decade. I wanted it to be a fun afternoon with my family and close girlfriends. So, dh came up with the idea of a meet the babt party after lo was born. It worked out great. we did it when lo was about 10 weeks, and my mil got the location and food so we told her to invite whoever. Then dh was able to come,.so those that I didn't know he was able to introduce us and make conversation.
I'm totally with you on the anxious with strangers at your party, and I don't think you are being selfish. Those that don't know you our don't know you that well probably will want to wait to meet the baby anyway too, it would be awkward for me to go to a shower of someone I'm unfamiliar with.