Is My Hair Too Conservative for the Ladies?

August 22, 2013 By Beth| Heads up: Buying via our links may result in us getting a commission. Here's why.

Ask A Woman: The hair up there.

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Hey Beth,

About a year ago, I switched my hairstyle to a side part. You know, the pretty conservative look where it’s just parted on one side, and combed over (not to cover a bald spot though). I like the style and almost all the guys in my office have that hairstyle. I tend to get mixed reviews from women. Some like it, some say its too formal… I defend the haircut, but it begs the question, what kind of hairstyles do you and other women like, or more importantly don’t like in general?

– Ryan

Hi Ryan,

Ahhh hair. A question that comes up a lot (or used to anyway) here on Ask a Woman. Hair is important–to men, to women. We worry about our own hair–am I balding? Going grey? Is this cut too young for me? Is this style too old for me? Should I make a change? Is my hair greasy today? Frizzy? Out of control? And we usually have an opinion about other people’s hair–that cut makes her face look fat. Who does he think he’s fooling with that comb over? She should really color her hair so it’s not so mousy. He needs to update his look. Yes, we are judgy judgers (judges?) when it comes to hair.

Like I usually say, what women like depends on the woman. I have friends who like a really preppy look, for themselves, and for their significant others. They’d probably love your conservative hairstyle. It’s not taking any chances, but it’s a really flattering, clean look for many men. I have friends (not as many) who like longer, more disheveled hair on a man. A dude who could possibly be in a weekend band, who dresses more casually, is their idea of male perfection. And then there are all the different shades in between and on either side. I mean, if I had to make a blanket statement I’d say any ‘do that tries to cover up obvious balding is a no-no, as well as…mullets. But having said that, I’ve seen hot women arm-in-arm with mullet-wearing men. So…man, it takes all kinds, doesn’t it?

To try and predict what a woman will like you can look at her style, and the style of the men she tends to be attracted to. We don’t always have a “type” but there are often similar threads running through our relationships. I think I’ve mentioned before that I tend to be attracted to stereotypically hypermasculine men, dudes who play sports and have encyclopedic knowledge of NCAA stats, dudes who hunt and fish, dudes with strong opinions and assertive natures. All of these men had/have no-frills hairstyles–no styling products, no need for blow-drying, just a basic cut that keeps it off the neck and out of the eyes. That’s not to say I don’t like other hairstyles, in fact I do, but if you need a predictor of a woman’s taste, look at where’s she been.

When terrible haircuts happen to attractive men…

The other, and I’d argue more important, consideration, is whether the cut/style flatters your face. Hairstyles are not one size fits all. Here to demonstrate this concept is Keith Urban. Poor Keith, somebody lied to him. That ‘do is a don’t. For him. I don’t know why, but it just looks terrible–I suspect it has to do with his large forehead and square-shaped face. Something shorter, and less plastered-down-to-his-head would look so much better on him. But you look at this random dude, and he has a similar style. Not identical, but it’s longer, it’s straightened, it stays close to the scalp, it flips out at the bottom, and it hits his face at the same place as Keith’s. But for him it works–notice the different features and face shape.

To find out what the best cut or style for your face is, I’d recommend going to a stylist in an upscale salon, at least once. This is exactly what they’re trained for. They can tell you what will look best, cut your hair that way, and then, if you don’t want to keep seeing them, you can always take that information back to the barber or cheaper stylist you were seeing before.

I know I didn’t give you a concrete answer, Ryan, but like so many physical attributes, what “people” like depends on the person.

Comments

I think at the end of the day, it’s your hair and you have to go with what makes you the most comfortable and most confident. Most women respond to confidence, and you won’t exude any if you’re walking around not comfortable with how you look. Besides, you want the woman you’re with to like you for you.

It’s also just one aspect of you as a person. I’ve got the same haircut, and if you click on my avatar photo with me and the Liebermans, that’s pretty much what I look like at work 95% of the time, and most people have no idea I’m covered in tattoos. The main point is that you have to present yourself to the world in a way you’re comfortable with.

I think when it comes to hair, a man should go with a style that is true to his nature and beliefs and looks as effortless as possible. I came from a fairly conservative background so growing up, I have always had the comb over hairstyle. I just comb my hair when it’s wet after the shower and when it dries, it stays nice and neat but still looks natural. I don’t like using hair product. In high school, the hair salon messed up a bit and I had to go with shorter, sticks-up kind of hair cut but to my surprised, EVERYONE loved it. … everyone but me. They compliment, they noticed, blah blah. I wore that for a few months but I was never proud of my new hair cut. It wasn’t really me or who I am so eventually, I grew it out a bit longer and start combing it over to one side again and never look back ever since.

The point is, I think a man’s hair is very much a person thing and if he isn’t comfortable with it then no matter how good it looks to others, it’s still as bad as any.

Am I the only one who went “So it’s side parted, but what about the rest?” Product especially could make a huge difference. If your cut is held down like iron instead of more natural looking that could be the root of the ‘formality’ feedback (among other things obviously, it’s impossible to be specific without a photo)

The product you use with that cut is as important as the cut itself. I have pretty short hair, and my hair naturally wants to go with a side part, so I have it cut that way. But, the difference between conservative/boring and preppy/fun is the product you use, and how you style it. Seriously, the same cut can have a huge range of outcomes based on the product. I like to use Imperial Barber Product’s matte pomade paste…it lets me keep it in a business-friendly side part, while adding some funky texture to the whole thing.

I’m gonna respectfully disagree with the gist of Beth’s answer and say that your hairstyle doesn’t matter. I.e. when it comes to attracting women, there’s no marginal gain in changing to a particular hairstyle as long as your hair is clean and makes you look like a functioning adult.

Women can go on and on about what they (think they) prefer in a guy, but those preferences have nothing to do with your actual chances of getting a date. If you’re a confident, charming guy who makes her comfortable, she’ll give you a shot (assuming one is available) regardless of where you part your hair (or what brand of cologne/shoes/product/tie you chose).

Do you know how difficult it is to find a good stylist that can cuts men’s hair and has the ability to look at an individual and suggest a cut that would be right for them?…Near impossible. I’ve gone to many upscale stylist and most can’t cut men’s hair. They might be great at cutting women’s long locks but I believe that cutting men’s hair is far more difficult than a female’s hair. I would pay high dollar to find a individual that would cut my as needed for my appearance. I’m guessing many stylist are not educated and trained to cut men’s hair. This may be due to the fact that women tend to spend more money for a dye and cut than men do.

1. No fussing with having to go to a stylist/barber and waiting forever.
2. No anxiety worrying if the barber with no customers i took a chance on is gonna mess up my shape up.
3. Not having to wake up and styling it.

That being said… unless you’re completely disheveled, or your hair is green I don’t think hair is that big a deal.

“I like the style and almost all the guys in my office have that hairstyle. I tend to get mixed reviews from women. Some like it, some say its too formal… I defend the haircut …”

So … You like it. And like everything in the world except chocolate ice cream and sex, some other people like it too, but others don’t. Why do you feel the need to defend it? Why does it matter what the test group says? Sure, if literally everyone you know hated it, then you might have a problem. But that’s not the case here. Why do so many of these Ask A Woman questions seem to come from guys without any confidence in their appearance or actions, guys for whom the biggest problem probably isn’t their hair but their self-doubt and belief that “women” are a homogenous drone class that share common preferences?

That seems like a strange comment from someone who regularly visits a fashion blog. I think the way a man dresses is important to a woman (so they tell me) and I include hairstyle in my definition of fashion.

I’ve just been noticing this trend across the board lately of style awareness devolving to style anxiety, and I read some of my distaste for that trend into the questioner. Like, there is no ‘right’ way to dress/act. There’s just the way you like, and the way that you and others respond favorably to.

Based upon my past history I’d say hairstyle among other things do make a difference. When I was younger, 20-30’s I had long hair down to the middle of my back and this attracted a different sort of woman than the hair cut I have now which is the basic business side part.

Have you thought about seeing a male stylist? Not trying to perpetuate a stereotype but gay stylists would have a better idea about men’s hair. I don’t think women are as good with clippers as men because men are used to a shorter look.

Use the same rules for clothes as you would for hair, pick a style that suits you, but then make sure it’s cut well and maintained (i.e. tailoring is just as important than the style itself). Having a side part that looks like its been professionally cut is a lot better than the “right” style that obviously looks like you did it yourself or went to a place that didn’t do a good job.

Getting the opinion of your co workers or social circle is always a crapshoot, taste notwithstanding. A lot of people will simply nod and say it looks fine because they’ve been taught it’s better to be ‘nice’