SPANX ME.

I am fucking obsessed with Spanx. I have been wearing them since I was 10 years old and looked like an emaciated child from a third world country. Even when I didn’t need them to hide my now ever fluctuating muffin top, I wore them in lieu of a chastity belt during my adolescence.

Spanx has been with me through all my life milestones and I have shoved my body into almost every style, color, fabric, crotch option the company has offered. It is my civil duty to share with you my tried and true favorite styles that won’t lead you to a divorce (geriatric shapewear is over), a medic extracting spandex floss from your ass, or rib suffocation.

I so desperately wish they were paying me to endorse this shit… or at least send me a free fucking brief?