THE DEFINITIVE TOME FOR ELITE FLYERS. Yes, free-floating text oaf Peter King will be releasing a book this fall, which, judging from the title, sounds like a best-of collection of his columns. Finally, a compendium of all his random indulgent shout-outs to call my own! Amazon cannily has it pegged for ages 9-12, but I imagine kids as old as 14 could use its pages for rolling papers.

The audiobook contains EVERY Favre voicemail!

The book also includes a handy do-it-yourself guide to walking. Because everyone should live in a city and know its pleasures.

Foreword by Toone P. Wiggins

Yours free with six Kit Kat proofs of purchase!

Available on Kindle, once the SI tech guys spend six weeks showing Peter King how to use one.

And, in a savvy move, he’s beating Bill Simmons to the bookshelves by two weeks, thus assuring your book-buying budget for the fall will be extinguished before you get a chance to lay down $27 for 700 pages about the ’86 Celtics. That’s usin’ yer noodle!

Can’t wait for the customer reviews and the joy that is Amazon product tagging.

06.03.09 at 12:30 pm

Reggie Bush's Pimp

Will any percentage of the book’s sale go towards giving Dr. Z better-tasting pudding? Or at least an Asian nurse with Double Ds?

06.03.09 at 12:30 pm

Bubby Brister's Mop

We should slam the review page like they did with that Three Wolves t-shirt. Many of the KSK Kommentators are pretty witty people. Although Amazon might handicap them by not allowing them to use the word “fuck.”

06.03.09 at 12:48 pm

Ryno

/will buy 5 of Ape’s books before I give Simmons a fucking cent

06.03.09 at 1:02 pm

G.G.

He’s writing a book? Where does he find the time!?!?!

06.03.09 at 1:06 pm

GonePostal

Simmons is writing a 700-page book on basketball? How many lists can one man write?

06.03.09 at 1:06 pm

CobraCommander

I have tagged it already

“banality”

Let it begin.

06.03.09 at 1:17 pm

miamidiesel

“Peter King joined Sports Illustrated as a staff writer in 1989 after spending nearly a decade as an award-winning newspaper journalist. Now a senior writer at the magazine, he is Sports Illustrated’s primary NFL expert and is one of the country’s premier pro football writers. King is also a key contributor to SI.com, which includes his popular column, “Monday Morning Quarterback”… King has won two Associated Press Sports Editors awards for excellence in sports journalism.”

Seriously, this guy it that decorated of a writer? Do they give that shit out like gold stars in kindergarten?

Holy fucking shit, I just had a vision of sports journalism classes all over the country making King’s book required reading for students. Can you imagine that? Most people coming out of those programs already suck at writing, but imagine combining their innate suck with being conditioned to write like Peter King. And then winning awards for it.

You know what, fuck it. Fuck the world. Humanity is a stain. I’ll be spending the remainder of the day rooting for a comet to wipe us out or nuclear weapon-induced mutually assured destruction.

/urge to kill RISING

06.03.09 at 1:20 pm

Kid Presentable

This book better come with expert advice on Starbucks, or I’m not buying.

06.03.09 at 1:28 pm

Boatdrinks

hey miami, don’t forget the North Koreans! Although, come to think of it, they might be as accomplished as PK and then it would not actually work out the way you were hoping for.

06.03.09 at 1:37 pm

porky1

PK’s book will likely far outsell the collection of Ralph Wiley essays I picked up at Big Lots for $1. And will be at least .0004x as entertaining.

06.03.09 at 1:44 pm

Slash

I feel strongly this must be stopped. I think a collection of that much douchebaggery and suck in one place could rip a hole in the space-time continuum, or create a singularity, like in the Star Trek movie. The future of our planet depends on stopping this book.

06.03.09 at 2:00 pm

Pigs

I’m hoping you guys are already planning on reading this book and providing us with a chapter by chapter breakdown of it like you do for his column each week.