Friday, December 30, 2011

Really,
I think my brain just likes to screw with me sometimes. Because
instead of spending my winter break relaxing, catching up on some
much needed sleep, and stuffing myself with food, my mind decided
that I needed change. So, completely out of the blue, I decided that
I wanted to move into the extra room upstairs and leave my huge
bedroom with attached bathroom behind.

I
was kind of confused at first, but then I realized it was my mind
messing with me again, so I knew I had to go with it. You have no
idea what my mind is capable of when you don't listen, believe me.

When
I told my parents, they just stared at me for a while before agreeing
to my wonderful idea. Because they're just that supportive. Or
they've given up trying to understand my nonsense.

So
now I'm sitting in my new room at my desk writing for you. And
although I have been working almost non stop on this room since
Monday, I have to admit: it's pretty fucking awesome in here. It's
exactly what I (or what my mind convinced me of) wanted. I seriously
can't stop smiling and just put down an extremely embarrassing
happy dance in front of my window that the neighbors probably saw.
But who cares?

Which
is what got me to this post about switching things up. I really did
need a change to get me out of the winter blues and switching rooms
did just that.

Well
played, brain, well played.

And
this is where all of you come in. If you didn't notice, tomorrow is
the last day of 2011 which means it's time for change. Now I'll
admit, I'm not a huge fan of the new years resolution thing everyone
gets so excited about. You're pretty much just promising yourself
things that are never going to happen and then next year you realize
you actually didn't, for example, lose fifty pounds. Thus, you fall
into a deep depression, eat your pain away, gain another fifty
pounds, decide to lose fifty pounds next year, and the cycle
continues. Until you've gained so much weight that you need to be
removed from your home by a crane.

I'm
getting you into the spirit, aren't I?!

So,
instead of setting unattainable goals, all I want you to do is switch
something up a little bit. It can just be for the day, or for a
week, or maybe you'll like the change so much that you'll keep it
that way.

I
thought ahead and did my switch up already so that I can enjoy it
during the new year. God I'm good.

But
since you're not all geniuses being controlled my a brain that has a
mind of its own (warning: painfully horrible pun. Whoops to late!),
you can do your switch up later.

I
came up with some ideas for switching things up, just in case your
brain has been fried by daytime television. Or prim-time television.
Or any other time television 'cause honestly, everything on t.v. is
crap. But that's a whole other story.

So
if your stuck in a winter rut, here are some ideas to bring a little
pep and excitement into your lives. And probably make you the talk
of the town (Note: not necessarily in a good way).

Dye
your hair pink with blue tips and tell people you got a cotton candy
machine implanted into your head.

Become
a hipster and only talk to your cat because, you know, talking to
people is too mainstream.

Wear
a fat suit to your New Years Eve party, take it off after a week,
and brag about all of the weight you lost.

Let
your dog answer the phone all day (or week if you really want to
piss some people off). Apologize the next day for your strange behavior, saying you ate too much chocolate bark at the family Christmas party (what is it with me and the puns today?)

Change
your look, preferably based on a celebrity. I would follow in Lady
Gaga's footsteps by simply covering myself in glue and rolling
around in random objects. Explain to your friends that god spoke to
you and wanted you to dress that way.

Hopefully
these ideas will keep you guys busy for a while. If they're not
exactly what you had in mind, you could always just switch rooms.

But
that would be boring.

And
now I'm off to buy some hair dye, a fat suit, raw meet, some sparkly
shit, and a cat.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

never
get tired of doing little things for others. Sometimes those little
things occupy the biggest parts of their hearts. -unknown

That
shit's deep, bitches.

But
seriously now, that guy or gal was on to something.

So,
I'm in this 'I have to make the most of the life I get to live' phase
and I'm kind of trying to find the good in everything and I'm also
trying (keyword: trying)
to be a little more pleasant than I have been the last, well, lets
just say a while. Because lately I've been, I wouldn't say a bitch-
You know what, who am I fooling, I've been a bitch.

But
that's beside the point.

Now,
like I said in my last post, when I write something, or upload some
pictures, or share a playlist (which I'm working on and hoping to
post by Friday), I want it to be somewhat inspirational. There are
so many blogs out there and instead of just going on and on about my
life that no one really cares about, I want to make a small
difference in every one of your lives, whether it's getting you to do
something, or just getting you to think.

I
was in a pretty shitty mood yesterday so I hope no one took my post
too seriously. It was actually meant to be a joke for the older kids
reading this. I wanted to show that it's not too late to enjoy being
young and I wanted you guys to realize that there's still time to
swing on a swing set and play with Barbies- and solve the rest with
beer : )

Well
now I got completely off topic.

Where
was I? Oh right, the little things.

Because
of the strange phase I'm going through right now ( which is actually pretty
awesome, so keep it up sub-conscience), I decided to write letters to
everyone close to me just to tell them how much I love them.

Sappy,
right? But in a good way.

It
was actually really fun because all of those good memories that were
hiding in the deepest pits of my brain came to life again. In my
case, I thought about all of the funny things I did with everyone,
which were so funny to think about again that I was literally laughing
out loud. So I was pretty much sitting alone in my room, laughing to
myself like a psychopath.

Awesome.

The
greatest part about the whole things was that afterwards, I got tons
of hugs from everyone and hugs are my favorite. I also got a cookie
from my mom which was even better since I like cookies even more than
hugs.

Now that's what I call setting my priorities straight like a
boss.

O.k., I'm just going to stop right here and let you get started on those letters.

Because I know you're so inspired by my
idea that you're
frantically searching the room for a pen and paper and completely
ignoring these last few sentences. If you are still here, go get a
piece of paper and a pen, get off your ass, and write a letter, god dammit!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

You
know how your parents used to say that you have plenty of time to be
an adult later? Well, I'm 17 and later came a lot sooner than I
expected.

A
typical day in the life of me can be summed up in three words:

-sleep
( and way too little of it)

-school
(ugh)

-homework
( and way too much of it)

What
the hell?!

I
mean, when I was thirteen and naive, I wanted to be a grown up because
it seemed so cool. Being a grown up meant being able to buy as many
boxes of cocoa puffs as you wanted. Being a grown up meant driving a
fire engine red convertible down the highway blasting The Backstreet
Boys out the speakers. Being a grown up was exciting and mysterious,
plus, the guys were way hotter than the immature thirteen year old
boys in your grade who hadn't had a growth spurt yet.

And
so we waited for the glory days to come. We waited and waited and
kept waiting.

But
then reality set in.

I like to call it high school.

Now, according
to the thirteen year old me, I'm officially a grown up and I should
be living the high life. But somehow, something must have gone
wrong. Maybe I have a rare disease that causes me to be blind of the
amazing things happening around me ( highly unlikely). Or maybe the
entire world created a secret pact against me and their only goal is to
leave me out of the fun (even less likely(although I've pissed off a
good amount of people in my time)). I don't know what happened, but
let me tell you, thirteen year old me: the shit I have to deal with on
a daily basis in my grown-up life, that shit was not expected.

So
I could go on for hours about how horrible my life is, but this post
is actually supposed to be...wait for it...inspirational*glitter
*glitter *sparkle *

Well,
maybe not inspirational, but it has something.

Here's to making the most of the childhood we have.(or had)

Now,
if you're 17, it's too late for you. One word for you: beer. Just
drink away your pain like I do!

If
you're living it up at thirteen: Good News! There's still hope
for you! All you have to do is listen very closely. My advice might
sound harsh, but it's coming from someone who figured out first hand
that growing up isn't much fun. Listen to me and you'll have a
wonderful time and won't end up a hopeless loser like myself. Read
on!

To
the little girls out there: quit dressing like a prostitute and
texting your „boyfriend“. Stop bragging about your hot one night
stand with bobby; you're not fooling anyone with that made up crap.
Just, please, go outside and play on the swing set, watch a Disney
princess movie, and draw with crayons like children are supposed to.

That
was it! Not too bad, right?

God,
I am such an inspirational piece of shit, aren't I. Watch out Oprah,
there's a new bitch in town.

Now,
if you'll excuse me, I'll be studying for ten thousand tests that are
coming up after winter break while I cry about my life and eat stale
cheerios ( cocoa puffs are too fattening).