Dustergate’s Mark Harper should’ve checked his own home instead of putting racist “Go Home” vans on London streets.

It’s hard not to snigger when an immigration minister with a Colombian illegal cleaner is a victim of his own loud mouth.

Hapless Harper resigned because he couldn’t brush the South American charlady under the carpet, trapped by his own unworkable document-check laws.

The Home Office should send one of those vans to take him to court where the ex-minister can use his ministerial redundancy to pay a fine.

Farage's cheap politics

UKIP’s Nigel Farage is so full of hot air I’m surprised his invective didn’t dry the Somerset Levels on a flood photocall.

Demanding cuts to overseas aid is cheap politics when poverty kills up to 29,000 kids a day and three billion live on less than £1.50 a day.

If we need funds for flood defences, let’s cancel the £100-billion Son of Trident waste of money instead of taking food out of the mouths of starving children.

Support to break union

Ed Miliband should be frightened by the number of Shadow Cabinet members and union general secretaries who agreed with last week’s column arguing Labour and unions should go their separate ways.

I could form a government or new party with all those who told me they endorsed the call.

Points of disorder

Cameron’s a coward to dodge a face-to-face debate with Scottish separatist Alex Salmond. I oppose divorce and worry the Home Counties posh boy would be a gift for SNP nationalists. But the PM’s constitutional duty to put the British case directly outweighs the risk. Battles of Britain in Edinburgh and London are preferable to hurling insults 500 miles.

I’d have more sympathy for Plebgate’s Andrew Mitchell if he backed others fitted up by cops. Miners wrongfully arrested in the 1984-85 strike remain angry the ex-Minister refuses to support their justice campaign. What Mitchell said at No 10’s gates is disputed but a jailed officer did lie and others plotted against him. Yet until the Con MP helps other victims his stand will look like it’s all about him.

Going up

Barring a political ­thermo- nuclear ­detonation, David (not Ed) Miliband disciple Mike Kane will be elected a Labour MP in Thursday’s Wythenshawe and Sale East by-election.

Going down

Boris Johnson’s going down the tubes as union leader Bob Crow wins public support by fighting to save London Underground ticket offices.

Speaker's corner

“I am very fortunate in having a marvellous nanny, Miss Veronica Crook, who after 47 years is still looking after my family. Nothing is more reliable than nanny...” Con banker toff Jacob Rees-Mogg, 44, reminds us Cameron’s Brigade of Old Etonians would live upstairs in Downton Abbey.

And another thing...

Stena Line threatening to sink British crews on the Irish Sea and hire foreign workers paid peanuts exposes another gaping hole in employment laws. The shipping giant warns it’ll enlist replacements from outside the European Union at below the minimum wage unless seafarers swallow lower wages, pay freezes, extra hours and job losses. No wonder Labour MPs are demanding a level sea within the EU is needed to stop a race to the bottom.

Dave the Sexist’s biggest problem with women is wife Samantha detesting life in Downing Street. His election defeat would be her blessing in disguise. Let’s hope voters don’t disappoint Mrs Cameron.