News - Page 312

Screen Junkies has an unhealthy obsession with Michael Bay so it's only fitting that I post this commercial he recently directed for Victoria's Secret. The rumor I'm starting has it that Bay schtooped every single model on set, but only after he bent the sky over and took it from behind, thus scorching the earth all for a totally awesome shot. Here are today's lin–BOOM!What Your Favorite Sport Really Says About You (HolyTaco) London Knights Fan Makes it Rain Teddy Bears (TotalProSports) Sexy Surfers (TheChive) The Final Frame of Old Dogs is Creepy (FilmDrunk) 25 Amazing Christmas Light Displays (SuperTremendous) The Decade's Ten Biggest Flameouts (Pajiba) Top 10 Twilight Fan Gifts (CelebJihad) 10 Reasons We Miss Dolph Lundgren (Moviefone) A Collection of Horrible Prequel Ideas (Unreality) Is Playground Pole Dancing Porn? (Asylum) Brenda Warner Has Long Hair Now! (BustedCoverage) Quad Loading Fail (RegretfulMorning) Makeover Your Pad James Bond-Style (MadeMan) 66 Hot Track Girls (AllLeftTurns) Vicious Soccer Fight Over Dirty Play (NothingToxic) Tiger Woods Gets His Sext On (Atom)

FOX targets the only race that still cares about their glut of sh*tty, sh*tty parody movies by releasing this trailer for Spanish Movie. For those unfamiliar with Fox's previous spoofs (ie: Epic Movie, Date Movie), you've just officially won at life. Keep up the good work. This time around they have Spanish crossover films such as The Orphanage, Pan's Labyrinth, Rec, Volver, and Open Your Eyes in their sights. I didn't see one Paris Hilton or Amy Winehouse joke in here. Without them as fodder, what will people not laugh at in this movie?Keep an eye out for Leslie Nielsen. It's nice to see that his fart jokes transcend all racial divides. Take that Tower of Babel!

Neil LaBute has given up on Nic Cage and "beeeeeeeeees!" and decided to remake a movie that's only two years old. The original Death at a Funeral was a British comedy directed by American Frank Oz, and featured mostly white people. For the remake, Hollywood decided to replace most of the white people with black people, but still keep in the midget because midgets are always amusing. Chris Rock leads the ensemble cast, and Martin Lawrence leads the utterances of "Daaaaaaaaaamn." The film focuses on a funeral that &ldquo;devolves into a debacle of misplaced cadavers, indecent exposure and family secrets.&rdquo; Also, Danny Glover poops on Tracy Morgan's hand. Check out the trailer after the jump, if you dare.

Mexican Governer Fidel Herrerra is emptying out a large section of a Veracruz prison to make room for Mel Gibson. The actor is said to be shooting a large production though there is no word on what the project will be. My fingers are perma-crossed that we'll finally see a big budget remake of the girls-in-sexy-jail classic Caged Heat. The Governer refers to Gibson as his friend, probably due to the fact that since shooting Apocalypto in Veracruz, Gibson has also donated $1 million to replace storm-damaged homes in the area. A few years ago I would view this as a thoughtful act of charity. Nowadays I'm not so quick to trust Gibson, and now he has the Mexican government in his pocket. What is he planning? (THR)

Ginnifer Goodwin is Bill Pullman's youngest wife of three in Big Love on HBO. Unfortunately they don't do a lot of threesomes on the show because I guess God "frowns" on that sort of stuff, but I don't particularly want to see Chloe Sevigny naked anyway. A word from Ginnifer: "I have no idea how to play her, but I am dying to figure it out."It's all part of the process, Ginny. Unless of course you fail miserably at honing your craft. Feel some big love with the pics after the jump.

Someone let Quentin Tarantino play with the Japanese, and the result is unsettling. Below is a commercial that Tarantino starred in for SoftBank, a Japanese cell phone company. There's a talking real dog, a talking fake dog, a black man in a kimono, a screaming white woman, and Tarantino, who probably thinks this is all happening in his head. I don't speak Japanese, so if you can translate this please tell me if it's signaling the end of the world.

The poster for Nancy Meyers's It's Complicated shows Oscar co-host Alec Baldwin and Oscar winner Meryl Streep in post-coital bliss. Actually, Baldwin has a look of contented bliss and Streep has a look of dissatisfied worry (obviously he stole a page from my playbook). At any rate, gross Mom and Dad!!!Also, does Alec Baldwin always look like Keyboard Cat after sex?

As usual, all is not well at Hogwarts. Voldemort's power has grown stronger, and he has control of the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts. Meanwhile, Harry, Ron, and Hermoine are trying to put to rest the Dark Lord and their boners, which are inveritable forces in their teenage years. The newly released teaser trailer starts off with director David Yates and producer David Heyman talking about how lovely it is to be creatively involved and making sh*tbuckets full of money on the last two Potter installments. Fast forward 50 seconds and you get the real meat – actual film footage and John Hurt being awesome. Sure, it's great to see the wizard trio, but come on, the always brilliant supporting cast in these movies bring the real magic. That's right, I said magic. Check out the teaser trailer after the jump, then the movie a year from now when it opens November 19th, 2010.

Screen Junkies caught up with producer Mace Neufeld after he spoke at the Invictus press conference earlier today. Here's what he had to say about the next Jack Ryan project, which thus far remains untitled:Why did you go with an original script and not one of the books? "Well, we were out of books. Red Rabbit was the last one and we just couldn't seem to get a script out of that. The new management came into Paramount. They said, "This is a really valuable franchise. Let's try and restart it with a younger actor. The Chris Pine idea came up and hopefully that's what we'll be doing" Who did the rewrite? Adam Cozad. Hossein Amini did one draft and Adam is now working on another one. No title yet? No title, The Untitled Jack Ryan movie. Will you reboot his origin like you did with Sum of all Fears? No, no. We pick him up when he's on Wall Street. Do you have action set pieces in mind? It all starts with the writer. It really does. When you say, 'We need action, action, action.' The Jack Ryan movies have never been action films. They've been thinknig man's thrillers. Jack is referred to as a water walker because of his ability to jump ahead to a conclusion. We've always seen that in all the Ryan films. That's how we want to portray him. He's a teacher, he's a historian, he's a linguist and he's really smart. Would you shoot in Annapolis or DC again? D.C. probably yes. So there you have it. Seems like Paramount is pumped to deliver a quality Jack Ryan movie in order to wash the taste of Affleck out of our mouths. Eeewww. Tastes like almonds.

We reported earlier this week that Paul Greengrass bailed on the fourth Bourne installment after having a falling out with the cash-strapped Universal. Now it appears that Matt Damon is showing some loyalty, and sticking by his director's side.When Screen Junkies caught up with Damon at the Invictus press junket he told us, "I'll wait for him and when he wants to do one, we'll do it." When asked specifically is it Greengrass or no Bourne, the actor went on to say, "I've always said that, but I think it will happen. Just down the road. We don't have a script right now."With Damon holding on tightly to the hand of Greengrass maybe Universal will reach a little deeper into their pockets. Afterall, they need to hold on to the Bourne series like grim death if they plan on eating anything other than Ramen next year.

Katherine Moennig is known for choosing non-traditional roles, usually those that involve gender-bending. An example of this is her playing a lesbian on The L Word. Some girls can really pull off short hair. A word from Katherine: "The clothes are comfortable…but on a deeper level I learned that the competition between boys and girls isn't as strong as between women."Yep, I'm envisioning a pilot fight too. Check out more gender-bending pics after the jump.

Whole lot of shaking going on at NBC and more specifically Heroes. This past week we saw the killing off of Adrian Pasdar's character, heard the news that Sendhil Ramamurthy has been cast in a new pilot for the network, and the network itself merged with Comcast. Everyone is taking the departure of Ramamurthy and Pasdar as a sign that the show is canceled. ScreenJunkies reached out to an inside source at Heroes who confirmed these rumors as false.Our source tells us that Ramamurthy got a pilot and asked the writers to write him out. They obliged. Everyone loves Sendhil Ramamurthy and his character, but the truth is he didn't have a lot of screen time this season, and the writers felt they shouldn't stand in the way of the actor's future. Look for Mohinder Suresh to make his exeunt in an episode airing in late January.Our source further tells us that given that Heroes (and it's DVD sales) is huge all over the world, it's doubtful it will be canceled anytime soon. From a business standpoint, another season would bring the number of shows up to 100 which would position Heroes as a bona fide asset for future ancillary ventures. In fact, as The Hollywood Reporter pointed out, Comcast CEO Brian Roberts gave a verbal shout-out to Heroes on his phone call to investors after the merger went through yesterday. It's always a good thing to impress the new boss. That's why I wear tight t-shirts around the office. How you gonna hate on a guy who looks like Rambo pretty much with his shirt off?

With so much crime in the city, how do I teach these keeeeeeedz?! It appears Antoine Fuqua liked his breakout film Training Day so much that he decided to remake it as an ensemble drama and change the title to Brooklyn's Finest. Ethan Hawke plays the same character he did in Training Day, except now he's got more kids to provide for, and Richard Gere is an older, whiter version of Denzel Washington's Alonzo. Along with Hawke and Gere, the film stars Wesley Snipes in corn rows, Don Cheadle donning several different hats, and Will Patton, who's always awesome. Their character's stories interweave in a plot that's not unlike Crash's, but with more corrupt cops or something. Even though it's doubtful, maybe this film will steal an Oscar too.

Here's a newly released still from Kevin Smith's upcoming Untitled Cop Movie (formerly known as A Couple Of Dicks). It's not official yet but it looks like the film will be given the watered-down title A Couple Of Cops. Buzz on this movie is that it is hilarious and I don't doubt that. Barring The Whole Nine Yards, Willis has turned in some funny performances in his career. And to see him and Tracy Morgan square off against gangsters should be entertaining. I am frightened by the thought of Tracy Morgan wielding the power of a gun and badge though. Frightened for our women. "Excuse me, ma'am. You have the right to remain silent and I have the right to make you pregnant. My d*ck is going to frisk your uterus." (via First Showing)

"NOM. NOM. NOM."Paul Thomas Anderson has announced that his next project will be entitled, The Master. He's cast his portly muse Philip Seymour Hoffman in the lead role as a charismatic man who creates his own cult religion. Many assume that this film will damn Scientology but Variety is quick to report:&ldquo;The drama does not so much scrutinize self-started churches like Scientology or the Mormons, as much as it explores the need to believe in a higher power &hellip; and the point at which a belief system graduates into a religion.&rdquo;Sounds interesting though I'm not too sure about the casting. Philip Seymour Hoffman is a great actor but I don't buy him as a guy who founded a church. A Church's Fried Chicken perhaps*, but not a church. (Variety) *he's fat

Jenny Wade is best known for her role as Nina on the cancelled TV series Reaper. She's also appeared in all three Feast movies as Honey Pie. So basically, she likes to star in scary things. Except for Up In The Air. A word from Jenny: "I'm kind of one of those actors who never does it the right way."You sound like an absolute dream to work with, Jenny. Hey, let's hire that f*ck up actress.Oh wait, the pics after the jump explain her employment.

Steve Carell either has to pass a fairly large bowel movement, or his character in Dinner For Schmucks must wear a perpetual scowl. Here are the first set photos from the comedy, which on top of starring Carell and Rudd, also touts Zach Galifianakis, cinemas new bearded "it" actor.Dinner for Schmucks, a remake of director Francis Veber&rsquo;s César award-winning 1998 comedy Le dîner de cons (Literally translated as &ldquo;The Dinner of Dumbasses&rdquo;), concerns a renowned publisher who encourages his friends to find the most pathetic guests possible for their weekly dinner party.Sounds like Thanksgiving at your house last week. OH SNAP! I'm sure this comedy centered around a riotous dinner party will bust more than a few guts (man, they just keep coming) when it opens July 23, 2010.Check out Paul Rudd, most likely also wobbling toward the crapper, below. (via Collider)

Those lucky bastards in the UK have it all. Fantastic cuisine, excellent dental care, reasonably-sized ears, Australian layabouts, and now David Cross's hilarious Channel 4 sitcom The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. We've posted a clip (featuring Cross, Will Arnett, and Spike Jonze) below that sets up the premise of the series. Arnett plays an arrogant boss who spits out the grandest cuss-strings since Rip Torn. He mistakes Cross's Todd Margaret as a man of action and immediately trusts him to be his ambassador. Check out the NSFW clip: Did you like it? Did you like the noodles line?? Yeah, thought you would. Want to see more? Well, if you live in the UK you can watch the entire episode at this link. Lucky limey bastards…

If you&rsquo;ve got to be fired, there&rsquo;s no better person to break the news than George Clooney. That&rsquo;s the plot of his new film, Up in the Air. He travels the country firing people for companies who can&rsquo;t do the dirty work themselves, but he helps people get a new start and has fun on the road too. It made me think of the other movies about downsizing, and I came up with quite a list of diverse titles. Honorary mention goes to the TV series The Office, which has been chronicling the economic crisis in real time.In Good Company

In Welcome to the Rileys, Kristen Stewart plays a young stripper who uses her stripper powers to help a couple grieving the loss of their daughter. But isn't a stripper really just a Band-Aid for your problems? Shame on you Melissa Leo and James Gandolfini. You can't just jump ahead to the Eighth Stage of Grief — Adopting Strippers. You need to take the bad with the pole-dancing and crab-walking.The Jake Scott film will premiere at Sundance in late January 2010. (First Showing)More pictures of Kristen Stewart in various modes of undress after the jump…

The comedy troupe The Landline posted a new video on their YouTube page that doesn't shed the best light on Avatar director, Mr. James Cameron. Apparently, Cameron is really jonesing for some new effects to see his blue mutant cat people fully realized in gorgeous CG, and he's willing to go to extreme lengths to secure funding. The Landline members include Tim Martin, Charlie Todd, Michael Dubin, Jonathan Fernandez, Jill Donnelly, Jared Neumark, Ben Rodgers and Mike Antonucci. You can check out their YouTube page, and a slew of other funny videos here. James Cameron is Jonesing for Effects – Watch more Funny Videos

2009 in Auto Tunes – Watch more Funny Videos The above video provides a hip, T-Pain-esque summary of this year we just all lived through together. On Tuesday December 8th, VH1 is bringing us 2009: That Really Happened?! In true VH1 fashion, the show will provide a look back at the year that subjected us to Jon & Kate Plus 8, Susan Boyle, Lady GaGa, Chris Brown (the fighter, not the lover), and many, many more things we wish we could erase from our memories. All topics will be delivered by a unique panel of journalists, comedians, and pop culture aficionados that always deliver a good skewing. Here are today's links. Oh Look! A Tiger Woods Flash Game! (HolyTaco) 20 Pics of Chicks That Will Kick Your Ass (TotalProSports) Celebrities and Their Most Famous Roles (TheChive) Wanna Hear Mickey Rourke Rap? (FilmDrunk) Time Lapse of Monster Worms and Sea Stars (SuperTremendous) Another 100 Great Quotes from The Wire (Pajiba) Tiger Woods' Mistress Releases Texts and Voicemail (CelebJihad) 20 Examples of Anime Gettin' Naughty (Unreality) 10 November Headlines That Should be TV Movies (AOL) Increase Your Chances of Getting Laid (Asylum) Jillian Beyor is Your New WWE Diva (BustedCoverage) Cute Russian Singer Falls Off Stage (RegretfulMorning) Older Women Vs. Younger Women (MadeMan) Real Diary of a NASCAR Driver (AllLeftTurns) Drunk Redneck Takes KO Plunge Off Swingset (NothingToxic) Teens, Booze, and a Hote Tub (Atom)

When Sherlock Holmes premieres this Christmas, you'll be able to shake right along with your favorite sleuth. Ten theaters across the country will use seats outfitted with D-Box Motion Code, which are mechanical cues that sync with frames of the film causing the chair to shake and stutter. Normally, you'd have to go to a furniture store for those kinds of thrills. Seats in theaters not outfitted with the code will shake as well. This is to simulate the ass-kicking Madonna's divorce attornies are probably giving director Guy Ritchie this very moment. (Cinema Blend)

For his new film 'The Social Network,' David Fincher must have demanded that Justin Timberlake go back to his boy band roots…literally! The literally meaning that his hair is wavy again, just like it was back when he sang and danced as a glorified slave to a fat man with a record contract. In the film that chronicles the rise of Facebook (the site where you tell people who don't care that you're "so over" something insignificant), Timberlake plays founder Sean Parker.Eh, they kiiiiiinda look alike, but I'd say Sean's hair is more curly than wavy. Who's with me? Who's with me?! Anyway, I'm sure there's much more to come from the set of 'The Social Network,' but until we get additional news I'm just going to assume that the staunch and laborious Fincher is making Timberlake cry a river on a daily basis: "No, you're typing like a pussy, 'N-Suck!"(via DailyMail)

Kelly Carlson is best known for playing porn star/plastic surgery lover/Christian Troy addict/meth user Kimber Henry on the FX show Nip/Tuck. She's just one character and has been through all that crap. No wonder the show is FUBAR this season, they've jumped like twenty sharks! But damn if it doesn't entertain.A word from Kelly: "There are actual people that are in your house and I don't know who they are. They say something to me and it usually makes no sense, like, I picked an orange today…"There are ghost orange pickers in my house?! I knew it was a bad idea to build on an orchard/Indian buriel ground. Thank you, Psychic Kelly.Check out more pics of a brick sh*thouse after the jump.

Meredith Baxter, the actress who played Elyse Keaton on TV's Family Ties, revealed on this morning's Today Show broadcast that she is a lesbian. "I am a lesbian, and it was a later-in-life recognition," Baxter told Matt Lauer. After three failed marriages Baxter realized her attraction to women and has been in a few same sex relationships since. Baxter is currently in four-year relationship with a woman she met through friends. She had this to say about her partner, "Oh, It's like I started breathing on the night we kissed. And I can't remember what I ever did before. What would we do baby, without us? What would we dooo baby, without us? And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through. What would we do baby, without us? Sha la la la." And Matt Lauer kinda just sat there. See for yourself in the video below.

In an effort to promote their new film Mystery Team, Derrick Comedy has put together another fine video of bizarre and esoteric proportions. Don't Jerk Off To This poses the eternal question, if you and your friends found a picture of a bowl of fruit in a vacation home with a note that warned you not to jerk off to it, could you resist jerking off to it? Watch the video to find out what happens to the disturbed trio of comics. That is, if you can even make it all the way through. Mmmm, just like at that lucious, curvy pear… Click here to demand that Mystery Team opens in a theater near you.