One of them (Leonard “Ratface” Lemur) was in a tree when officers arrived on the scene and came quietly. The other accosted a 2 year old, leaving her face scratched. Leo Langton Lemur will not be officially punished with jail time but may have an unfortunate accident sometime in the future involving a wood chipper or a cement truck.

Point to be made is that I have no control over these minions – only Maurice held the real power associated with my figurehead and he is vacationing in St. Petersberg. These new minions do not even pay dues to enhance their legal defense fund. I wash my hands of them and dismiss them with a double flick of the tail.

****

Soy Sauce.

Ok, I was thinking… When was the last time any of us men said to the wife “Woman, I am going to a movie with the guys” and then went to see “John Dies at the End”?

It is due out on the 24/25th last time I heard. Rumor is that Mitchell has seen it and now is a follower of Korrok

Read the book in early 2012 and I can say it is like the strange offspring of a ménage between Phantasm, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Apocalypse Now if AN had been more than simply a dark comedy.

The story centers around a guy who investigates the paranormal after he has been exposed to Soy Sauce, a really bad soy-sauce-like hallucinogenic. Sort of. Or maybe it is part love story where one partner is wired a bit funny and has a prosthetic limb. Or a story about monsters made of deli meats.

Oh just go look it up. Fair warning – – – John dies at the end, just like it says. It is probably also extremely violent, gross, and a chunk of your life you’ll never get back again.

It’s got a 67% on Rotten Tomatoes which isn’t too bad. Considering that it is firmly in “Bubba-Ho-Tep” cult movie territory it’s really quite good. I’m trying to get a bunch of friends to ditch their wives to go see it.

Brit Hume hit the nail on the head. The pundits have been trying to make sense of the polls and reportage, because they make little or no sense.

He said we have X percentage of conservatives. We have Y percentage of liberals. That leaves 40% moderates.

His answer is that most of those moderates are liberals. Liberals became a dirty word and so it became better to call themselves moderates.

FACT: Liberals are very good at changing their colors. Not liberals… Moderates. Just like Global Warming morphed into Climate Change and so on.
It’s all in what you call yourself. A win on the conservative side for standing by your ideals, saying what you are, refusing to buy people with free stuff, and calling it like you see it is a Pyrrhic victory – yes, we have won on the side of being true, but we keep getting the shit bashed out of us when it comes to a nation of people who say “What you got fo me?”

Yeah, I am in a piss-ass mood. I don’t see how we can get the electoral votes. It’s early but it isn’t looking good.

Contrary to ideas about the disappearance of Pastoruri, engineer Benjamin Morales Arnao, local glaciologist, to state testing a method to reverse the thaw, though many may consider unorthodox, has already received its first positive results: Cover the ice with a layer of sawdust 15 cm thick. The experiment was carried out in the mounts Chaupijanca and Pastoruri. The results are clear: the fields look like a plateau covered in snow. Thus, the first glacier managed to keep four meters of ice and in the second five. “This material acts as an insulator. Contains cellulose and, thus, we managed to decrease the melting glacier. Although this method has worked well, we’ll be testing other alternatives”, refers Morales.. (Yes, wikipedia but reported on NPR today)

Let’s assume for the sake of a silly argument that SOYLENT GREEN is absolutely and utterly full of sh*t (and he is, by his own admission, just not about AGW and many other things †), and we’ll assume that AGW is “real”.

Now, just prove to me that these numbers are any less silly than the bullsh*t numbers SOYLENT GREEN and others are fighting daily that have come out of Hansen, Gore, Briffa, Jones, etc. Most of the numbers were researched educated guesses based on assumptions pulled out of my ass. Just like science.

I’m pointing out what kind of fruitbats conduct experiments covering glaciers with sawdust.

So next time some idiot spouts off about saving the glaciers remind them that a fellow fruitbat suggested killing 81 billion trees to accomplish that mission.

† SOYLENT GREEN is most definitely not full of shit unless he wants to be

‡ Oak was used because there are a lot of numbers on it and denser trees make for more believable numbers than if we used pine trees

Anyone who comes here, perhaps as many as tens of people know that I’ve got this chronic pain thing going on.

After about 30 days of it you are ready to try a good deal many things. It’s been 4-1/2 years and that hasn’t changed one bit. I’d scoff goat glands or snort battery acid if there was proof that it helped.

So in the pain-clinic circles someone suggested that diet may play a part and that by adjusting one’s diet one might, and I stress might see some positive changes in that area.

Being heavy into the cycle of ready-to-try-something-anything, I agreed to see this nutritional doctor that was suggested by the someone I made mention of in the last paragraph.

The place was a bear to find so I was late. That was the last good thing about this visit.

I shuffled in and they gave me the obligatory sheaf of dead trees to fill out all my intimate thoughts, visceral feelings, embarrassing bodily functions, and most importantly, credit card and billing info.

I was then ushered into a room where a gal who we will call Barbarella put on this band thingy around my chest that measured my Zetans or some such thing while lying down and standing up. Big snoozer there. Then I went to another room and filled out more paperwork. I was only on page 47 of 63 when in walks Doctor Seuss.

We talked about what I want and it boiled down to (1) less pain, (2) some weight loss, and (3) lower cholesterol. I don’t need help with sunken arches, atrophied trenchfoot, spontaneous extra appendix bursting and regrowth (Vestigal Jesus Organs, or VJO), migrating toenails, cleft kneecaps, excessive ear fat, West Ebola-Listerial Nigerian Nile-Pox, or any other crap up to and including failed penile implants or a hyperspatially-deviated septum.

He asked all the questions I already answered. I got all specific on his ass and said that my neck is FUBAR’ed, but specifically C4-5 and C5-6 are the problems on the left leading to lots of scary conditions ending in “-algia”.

I was told to hold out my right arm to the side. He pushed down on it. He pulled, prodded, had me do other things with the left while doing things to that right arm.

Each time he was pushing down on my arm with one of two levels of force. Light pushes where he lifted his body as if he was pushing down hard and then actually pushing down hard during those times when he would say “See how it was weaker, there?”

Beep beep, back the truck up. My right arm is my good one. No numbness or weakness there at all. And the feeling is perfectly fine there. So where I visually saw two levels of effort in his pushing downward on my arm, I correspondingly felt two levels of force. It wasn’t that I was any weaker from one to the next, it was just more downward force.

But I said to myself, “Ok, go with it, because, after all, he can’t possibly be doing thisthisbadly. No one can.”

He continued on for some time putting my left arm in different positions and having me do different things and then pushing down on my right – each time with this exaggerated forcing that looks like it came from Pro Wrestling or my five year old.

He then stopped and said “How are you feeling?”

I said “Well, I’ve had my right arm out there for some time, it’s getting a bit tired.”

So he motioned to the aide Barbarella who materialized next to me, and I jumped to the side and screamed “SNEAK MUCH???” in hushed tones at the top of my lungs. She had come in while I was unawares and distracted.

He said in a kind and thoughtful voice “Well, you’re going to have more difficulty with your left so Barbarella will help us out.”

Huh? Barbarella will help us out? What is this, a porno set?

Then things got really really strange…

Barbarellaput her right hand on my left shoulder, held out her left arm to the side. Then Doctor Seuss started putting things in my right hand, arm straight out to the side, and pushing down on HER arm.

Did you get that? I was stunned. Stunned, I tell you.

He put a sealed-on-both-ends vial in my right hand and pushed down on her arm. He started swapping it out for other glass bottles with screw-on lids – one contained thousands of little eyeballs (or tapioca), another looked like dried ginger (or mummified fingers), and one that looked like sputum. Then came the odd ones – plutonium peanut butter, whirled peas, cat fur, back carseat vacuumings, rutabaga scrotums, transient toenails (too awful to describe), toad lickings (scraped from Wall Street yuppie tongues), purple piss, and scented snake oil… plus 30 more. Sometimes her arm would go down more, sometimes less.

At the end of all that I was sitting there thinking “Ok, this cannot actually be happening. Can’t be…”

You’d be proud of me to know that I did not go “House” on him and mentally bitch-slap him while simultaneously shaming him hideously.

But I did bitch-slap him and I did shame him but just not simultaneously. I just didn’t do it cruelly and on purpose like I would a co-worker or someone I don’t respect. Just on purpose. I was in control, sans cruelty.

Yes, ID10T-Killer reads this blog from time to time so he can support the notion regarding me shaming people I don’t respect, as can The Dude.

I said “Ok, you’re going to have to bear with me because I thought I was here for a dietary lifestyle consult, and I cannot for the life of me see how you can possibly get a viable diagnostic indicator from (1) having me hold glass containers of different things, and (2) pushing down on another person’s arm acting as proxy for mine.”

They looked at me in stunned silence and I said “There’s no way a material in a glass bottle is going to affect me physically in a way that is a useful diagnostic.” (Barring hard radiation or a leaky bottle of HF, of course.)

I looked at him and said “You do realize that my education/degree is in the field of physics?”

Barbarella just stared at me with her mouth open, shocked that someone would disagree with a man of his learning and caliber. Dr. Seuss said with a learned air of superiority, hoping to cow me, “Have you ever taken a course in quantum mechanics?”

I chuckled and said “Yes, I’m a research and opto-mechanical engineer and I’ve done quite a lot of physics, classical and dabbled in the quantum as well. And, you should know that QM is not applied at the macro-scale.”

Note to readers: Can we please not get into the argument that classical mechanics are derived directly from quantum mechanics? If you are going to argue for QM being applied to the macro scale show me something huge that can tunnel through a brick wall – in the QM sense – and I don’t want to hear about the BBW Wal-Mart Hippo-in-Spandex stampeding after the smell of a roasted chicken. I’m just not up for it. The point here is that I was calling out a guy for being full of shit in my presence (and on my dime, you could argue). And you are encouraged to give me demerits for not asking him if he’d ever read Feynman’s lectures, as I have, and if he has, asking him “Did you like the ‘Thirteen Easy Pieces’ lectures or the ‘Seven Extremely Hard Topics’ ones better?” That would have been the perfect test because if he said he had and not corrected me by saying “‘Six Easy Pieces,’ you mean, right?” or “Don’t you mean ‘Six Not-So-Easy Pieces’?” he would have failed the test. It would have been great because then I would have been completely justified in turning him into an intellectual quadriplegic for trying to bullshit me using my hero, Richard Feynman. Sort of like providing for him a quantum well to fall down.

“Do you have any scientific papers describing the physical/physiological mechanisms you are talking about?” I asked.

Dr. Seuss turned a bit red and said “No, but the handout I gave you tells you everything you need to know about it.”

I glanced at the two pages, front and back, and said “I don’t see any references here. This could be from anywhere! Ok, look, before I go spending my money on visits and lots of supplements I want to re-evaluate whether I want to be coming here. I’m having a hard time buying any of this.”

He got excited and said, “Ok, so you may not believe in this, but you have to focus on results. I could have come in here wearing a Dr. Seuss† hat and you would have thought ‘Gee, he’s really weird’ but you would have to pay attention to the results, and I can do what you want and reduce pain so you can get off painkillers like you asked.”

† Thus the name I have given him: “Dr. Seuss”

Note: I would love it if he could actually do all that, because I wouldn’t have been there otherwise, but the moment a rocket scientist starts telling me that he has little faerie-friends that assist him in sexually gratifying his cat every night is the moment I decide to never ride on his rocket. Same thing goes for the medical profession. If my surgeon carries a lucky rabbit’s foot or my dietician guy believes that bottles of stuff act on my body quantum dynamically, I’m out of there.

“Are we through here? Because I’m done. I’ll let you know what I decide.”

So I paid the charge because dissatisfaction with methods isn’t the same as being overtly ripped off – I did agree to the “consultation” even if it was a bunch of Ann Arbor new-age bullshit and walked out of there, feeling rather like a chump and wishing I had wasted the money on cheap booze and trashy women instead because that would have been an orders-of-magnitude better use of my time and money.

Yes, Cruel Wife reads this blog, too, and I’m not so sure she wouldn’t also have preferred I put the money to better uses, like cheap booze and trashy women.

Now, if he had talked to me about magnets, crystals, or colored water derived from illuminating it under filtered light, that would have been different. We could have talked then. We could have had a chat.

What pisses me off is that there are people that are buying into that – belief in fakery in spite of clear evidence of fraud right in front of their very eyes.

If you have your own story of how your personal Dr. Seuss has helped you and improved your life using the methods described above, I’d like you to write it all down, capture every detail, and comment about it anywhere but here. I’m not interested.

Update: If the report on Drudge is to be believed, and we have his body, then they need to let Bin Laden’s body lie in state so we may all go engage in some frolicsome micturition on his corpse. In other words, go wee-wee on his face.

Then bury him in a mixture of pig poop and bacon fat.

That, dear friends, is about as crudely vehement as you’ll ever hear me get. I don’t like people that hurt innocent people.

****

This is an All-Idiot Posting…

New York mayor Bloomberg thinks he is the one with enough smarts to decide for Michiganders what is best in their own state. Bloomberg says:

Detroit needs residents. Immigrants want to live in America.

Michael Bloomberg says he’s got a simple solution for both needs — send all new immigrants to Detroit.

And what do they do once they are here? There’s no jobs for the legal citizens here. You want to fill the city where essentially anyone who had the means to flee the city already did so, then fill it up with poor illegal aliens who won’t have a job because there are none, AND have them on this state’s dole?

Robots, using only a few megawatt-hours of energy could save us tens, maybe even hundreds of kilowatt-hours. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

****

Well, no matter what the real story, I’m sure it’s going to only strengthen the position of AGW – it’ll be shown that we’re effing up the world worse/faster than we even thought.

I am sure of it.

****

I’m a little disappointed in Drudge for linking to this “story”. Man gets struck by lightening twice. Go check it out and count the ways in which this is clearly a fake. I counted four big ones, one small one.

That’s been the message from the White House over the past few days, as top officials dispute charges that Washington is on a spending binge and encourage conservative protesters to count their blessings.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, when asked about the Tea Party protests, said in an interview Sunday that the Obama administration is paying more attention to deficit and spending concerns than the Bush administration did.

“We’ve just been through eight years where many people said deficits don’t matter. We can pass huge tax cuts, pass huge new programs without paying for them. That debate has changed fundamentally,” Geithner said on NBC’s “Meet the Press.”

“You don’t hear people say anymore deficits don’t matter. You don’t hear people saying we can pass enormous expansions in government without paying for it. That’s an important change.”

WTF?

And President Obama said at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser Thursday that Tea Party activists should “be saying thank you” to him for the tax cuts passed by his administration.

Current observational tools cannot account for roughly half of the heat that is believed to have built up on Earth in recent years, according to a “Perspectives” article in this week’s issue of Science.

WTH???

“The heat will come back to haunt us sooner or later,” says NCAR scientist Kevin Trenberth, the lead author. “The reprieve we’ve had from warming temperatures in the last few years will not continue. It is critical to track the build-up of energy in our climate system so we can understand what is happening and predict our future climate.”

They need to track the energy so they can understand what is happening and predict our future climate – BUT – we seem to know exactly how long Thermageddon will take. Which is it?

A powerful hard-line Iranian cleric on Friday called for the execution of more opposition activists to silence anti-government protests, praising the hanging a day earlier of two men caught up in the leadership’s postelection crackdown.

[snip]

“Whatever we suffered was because of our weakness. How many did the judiciary execute on July 9?” [Ayatollah Ahmad Jannati] said, referring to one of the particularly large protest days.

“We showed weakness, so then we had Ashoura,” he said, referring to a major protest on Dec. 27. “If you show weakness now, the future will be worse … There is no room for Islamic mercy.”

What has the Iranian establishment suffered, exactly? Just the results of being a corrupt bunch of vermin. Not too bad, all things considered.

Iran and so many cockroach tinpot dictator countries (lets lump China in there) just can’t seem to understand that if you want to be taken seriously and with respect as an equal, you gotta stop stomping on people for speaking their minds.

My Personal “Things” – Don’t Peek

FAIR USE NOTICE:
This website (blog) may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not been pre-authorized by the copyright owner. Such material is made available to advance understanding of political, economic, scientific, social, art, media, religious and cultural issues. The 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material that may exist on this site is provided for under U.S. Copyright Law. In accordance with U.S. Code Title 17, Section 107, material on this site is distributed without profit to persons interested in such information for research and educational purposes. Please Note: If you want to use any copyrighted material that may exist on this site for purposes that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.