8,853 Pimento Cheese Sandwiches

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Retail Price: $1.50

Augusta National recently sacked the longtime maker of its famous pimento cheese sandwiches, which is the kind of thing that wouldn't pass for news in rural Antarctica save for the fact that THIS IS THE MASTERS AND EVERYTHING MATTERS.

Apparently patrons have detected the change in this year's iteration of sandwich—which, might I remind you, is just a glob of kinda spicy cheese flanked by two pieces of white bread—and have taken to protest. Protest in this case primarily involves talking to ESPN's Wright Thompson about how awesome the old sandwiches were.

Change is never easy.

Through all the tradition-defiling madness, though, one thing has held firm: the price.

Pimento cheese sandwiches at Augusta will still run you an even $1.50. And for the price of a four-day badge, you could afford to supply every person in Bubba Watson's hometown of Bagdad, Fla. with six of the little suckers.

24 Sets of Minor League Season Tickets

So you're tired of watching men hit a little white ball around a field and you want to see other men hit a larger white ball around a smaller field. Great news!

The Augusta GreenJackets, San Francisco's Single-A affiliate, play their home games less than two-and-a-half miles south of Augusta National.

For $555 you can secure a box seat at every GreenJackets home game this season. Season ticket holders also receive a 10 percent merchandise discount, waiter/waitress service, a novelty GreenJackets cup and access to something called "Feed Your Face Monday's."

Past GreenJackets include Hanley Ramirez, Moises Alou, Jason Kendall, Brian Wilson and Pablo Sandoval, who I assume partook in at least a couple of the "Feed Your Face" gatherings.

A Corporate Engagement with Spud Webb

According to the good folks at Celebrity Talent International, it'll cost you somewhere just south of 10 grand to book a date with former NBA dunk champion Spud Webb.

I'm not sure exactly what Webb will do for that price, but for that kind of coin I assume he'll throw down a few windmills. And I bet if you're super nice he'll pose for a gag picture alongside all of your tallest colleagues.

Webb played the majority of his professional career in nearby Atlanta.

3 Used Beamers

For $13,000 you cannot buy whatever model of BMW Greg Norman is driving in the above picture. At least I assume you can't.

You can, however, purchase three black sedans manufactured around the turn of the 21st century. According to Cars.com, possible places of sale in the Philadelphia area include Pennsauken Township, New Jersey, West Chester, Pennsylvania and the Delaware Public Auto Auction.

22 Flat-Screen Televisions

The Samsung 46" LED HDTV features 1080p vertical resolution, two HDMI inputs and an "ultraslim" design. Best Buy user Binkety from Misssissippi calls it "a really good buy." Minnesota's thisgirl414 says its "well worth the money over other brands."

And if you've got 13 grand to spare, you can round up 22 of them, mount them in every corner of your house and spend Masters Sunday turning your retinas into raisins.