So like Im minding my own,

havin a few whiskey shorts,leaves the pub and Im on my way home, stops to light me pipe,then all of a sudden John OFarrell,jumps out of a alley way and hes got this big fucking electric eal.Hes waving it about like,Ill have you Bloggs hes going,eyes like dinner plates,fuck me I thought hes a lot smaller than he looks on the telly.But hes coming at me see? with the eal,so I side steps him,gets behind him,and reaches over the top of his head,puts my index finger and my ring finger up his nose,then with the other hand Im reaching through and grabs his knackers,old army move,puts all me weight behind him and runs starts to run with him into a wall.Hes going sorry Joan i didnt mean it,your to tough for me,oh please hes going dont hurt me,and we crashes into the wall.anyway im like dusting meself off,goes to relight my pipe,and I hears footsteps coming up behind me,Its OFarrell,hes lost the eal,now hes got a baseball bat,I runs foward straight up the wall Matrix style lands behind him.Hes like looking this way and that and saying to himself "where de go"Im behind him I puts him in the nose hold,then Im reaching through to grab his tackle,hes going no no oh Joan i didnt mean it your to tough for me.Then were off running not into a wall but into Greggs the bakers,crash straight through the front window,pies and buns and cream cakes flying hither and tither,one old lady screaming in shock covered in glass shards and ham and cheese sandwiches,so while Im holding John down by his ears,I kung fu kicks her in the throat,not to hard,im not a violent man,just enough so her false teeth gets stuck in her throat to shut her up.Then I gets up dusts myself of,pockets a doughnut,steps out through the window and goes to light my pipe.ive gone two yards and i hears him running up behind,I spins round does a 360 leg sweep,then Im behind him,nose hold,them Im reaching through grabing his tackle.oh no no heas going please dont i didnt mean it,your to tough for me hes going,then were running straight through the window of a Soho sex shop,vibraters and dildos fling through the air,glas shards etc etc.Then hes going please please I cant take no more,so i dust myself off,and im lighting me pipe,when I hears him running up behind me,now hes got a Bowie knife,I didges to the left then im behind him again,sorry sorry hes going,but its to late Ive got him in the nose hold and Im reaching through........