A way for your vagina to get high and be as happy as a clam

Every time someone around me mentions weed being a drug I always think back to Katt Williams’ standup where he says “Weed is not a drug; it’s a plant. You grow the plant and then you smoke that plant.” I agree with that for the most part. Weed can be very beneficial if not abused. I only disapprove of it when I see it get in the way of people being productive; causing them to send their lives into an endless abyss of a wasteland. Then, it’s a drug.

Personally, weed isn’t a vice of mine; I’m more into day drinking, staying up all night and crushing hamsters with my red stilettos. That’s not to say I haven’t dabbled with pot; I just don’t like what it does to me. Regardless of the ‘strain’, I always seem to have the same reaction: paranoia, mild hallucinations, stupidity, excessive talking, and physical restlessness. To top it off, my philosophical side comes out, which isn’t a good combination with previous factors at all. All my friends tell me that I’m ‘totally fine’ when I’m high… But what do they know; they’re just as out of it.

My point being, I’m not quite against it but I’m not particularly for it either. However, I did stumble upon an article that very much piqued my interest; I might have to get me a pack of these cannabis infused tampons. Talk about being as happy as a clam!

You can find the article here. Although I don’t recommend going through the entire thing because, quite frankly, the way the article is set up where you have to keep clicking ‘next’ to get to the next point is extremely annoying. Not to mention it’s anything but concise; they just keep repeating the same information over and over again, stretching it out to a whopping 14 bullet points – not cool. Ultimately the product does sound very promising though, so I absolutely recommend further research.

In the meantime, here’s the gist:

“Created by one specific company, they’re only sold in two states at the moment: California and Colorado.”

“Placed inside it is a capsule, and inside the capsule is cannabis.When a woman inserts this tampon into her vagina, the traditional tampon work is taken care of, but cannabis is also released via the same route.”

“The magic inside of these tampons is made of up three separate ingredients. There’s organic cocoa butter, THC oil (that’s what makes you feel stoned), and CBD Isolate (that’s what makes the pain go away). Combined, you have Foria Relief.”

Foria Relief- that’s a pretty cool name for the product. It’s kind of like a mix of ‘Euphoria‘ and ‘For yah’ like ‘for your relief”. I approve.

So they make it apparent that the product is designed for women because the tampon activates “certain cannabinoid receptors” when a woman uses it. Well, no shit it’s designed for women; it’s a tampon. What’s a man gonna do with it; shove it up his butt hole? Come on.

Then they proceed to tell you that the use of this product is purely optional aka “by choice” seeing as how a lot of people aren’t comfortable getting ‘high’ or having others know that they are ‘high’. Oh I’m sorry, and here I thought that these ‘magical’ tampons were mandatory – of course they’re optional. Again, come on.

They’re also pretty funny with statements such as “You can keep it hidden and it’s a great way to keep your lungs pink and healthy” and “Thanks to science, you don’t have to teach you vagina how to inhale smoke in order for it to work”. Now I get it that the ‘it’ in the sentence is referring to the tampon, but it’s still pretty amusing to imagine your vagina being unable to ‘work’ unless you were to teach it how to inhale smoke. And it’s nice about the pink lungs and all but let’s just hope it keeps your vaginal walls pink and healthy as well.

Then they go on to say that these bad boys can be used both medicinally and recreationally… So let me get this straight, if I don’t have my period but I wanna get high, I just shove a ‘funny’ stick in my vag and go on about my day? Or do I just light it up and smoke it like a blunt? Could I then maybe stick it between my legs and have a gentleman caller go down on my pussy bong? Oh I know! I can probably use it as a firework/aromatherapy hybrid where I light the string like a ‘fuse’, causing it to get the entire room high when it finally burns and reaches the capsule… Boom!

Aside from the funnies, I was able to extract some actual useful information from the article… For one, it’s the only product of its kind currently on the market. Although, apparently, before these tampons came around, the same company had already produced a lubricant infused with marijuana, which works like most cannabis oils in that the effects are created after the cannabis is absorbed into the user’s skin. Another good point is the fact that it eliminates the need to take pills for the pain via going the more natural “green” route instead. Last but not least, it can also apparently aid in childbirth pain. I’m not sure how that would work exactly; why would you put a tampon inside yourself when you’re about to pop out a child from out of there?

Needless to say, my curiosity has been triggered. If my cramps ever get to the point of being bad enough where I’d be willing to pay $44 for a 4-pack, I might have to give it a go. Although, I might have to purchase it at least once, regardless; just to see what it’s like. You know, if not for pain relief then at least for the sake of research.