i didn't know where to post this - but thought this might be more relevant than the news forum - but it could also go in the main forum. the problem is - the guy is 18. is he an adult? is he a kid? it is heartbreaking either way. he is a person and it should not have been done to him.

this is a link to the news article about it. it is bad enough - the link is included to youtube. it is very graphic.

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"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

Thank you, Lee, for making this accessible. The video is emotionally wrecking. The article which introduces the video is honest and supportive of the victim and worth the read as well.

I watched, I have lots of thoughts. I will need to watch again in order to fully comprehend and remember his remarks. He is so obviously in pain and so disassociated from the act of the violence he endured. The article stated that some faulted him for this. I just want to say that even my own therapist faulted me for not showing the emotions HE wanted me to show.

The one word he brought forth that took me over 3 years to begin to understand (maybe because my situation was not violent) is that the sex act wasn't an act of sex- it was an act of HATE. How can someone hate another so much, that they are willing to impose their sexual will and dominance over them?

It is a hard video to watch.

This young guy now has a full lifetime of knowing and dealing with the fact that he was raped.

A brave young man willing to stand alone on a worldwide platform. He's a warrior for the cause of ASA upon men.

It's enough to make a grown man weep for those who have survived this.

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I have taken to the stand-up comedy stage to educate other male survivors and those who try to love them. I blog about my isolated religious upbringing where physical and sexual abuse were commonplace and I serve as a facilitator of a weekly support group for men who have suffered sexual assault.

I actually felt "comfortable" watching his videos because I felt like I was there: I was raped when I was his age, I am a young gay man also, and he even acknowledges that he dealt with sexual abuse as a child too. It was thus familiar for me and I identified with him.

I am a little concerned though about the level of hateful and ignorant comments he has been receiving because it is on a public platform. That could be very traumatizing and he might not be at a stage in his recovery where he has a build-in defense to these misinformed and bigoted messages.

ThisMan, while it is true that he has a whole lifetime of knowing he was raped, in my instance, that did seem unbearable at first, but I used that as a positive. I was sexually abused for 6 years as a teen in child pornography and raped two different times by two different men when I was 18/19; for me, that is a MOTIVATOR for a full lifetime to seek out health and healing and to live my life to the fullest. It will take time, as it has for many of us, because recovery is a lifetime affair, however it will blossom into very powerful life lessons and inner strength.

I started watching this and frankly couldn't get past the first minute in the first video - so I put aside the idea of ever watching it. But the replies bumped your thread and I finally watched it. In fact I just watched it.

It is graphic. It is not easy. I noticed I could not even look at the screen, even though it did not depict anything more than him talking.

I didn't know why but through all the very intense details of sexual violation, this is what stood out the most - a little question he asked his assailant right before the rape:

....."Do you know what my favorite color is?"

....."No - it doesn't matter."

....."It matters to me."

For me, that defined the theft that is rape more than any of the ensuing details.

Eirik - i am glad it did not traumatize you too much. i was torn as to whether to share it or not - knowing it would be difficult and triggering for many.

i appreciate your quote. it is so representative of the violation of the most basic level of the humanity or personhood of the victim by the perpetrator. i am glad that you seem to have been able to preserve or regain that sense of yourself and your individuality, which often seems to be nearly annihilated by the trauma. any insight as to how you survived as you did?

lee

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"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

i am glad that you seem to have been able to preserve or regain that sense of yourself and your individuality, which often seems to be nearly annihilated by the trauma. any insight as to how you survived as you did?

Hi, Lee. My dad used to call me a bouncing rubber ball. I think I always had that resiliency, that bounce - and so maybe my survival has a lot to do with just the kind of person I am. It's funny, because in another thread, Jed referred to my "playfulness" with the pictures I use. I was absolutely struck by how uncanny his observation was - because that's how my friends see me.

I don't think I ever shared the details of what I went through as an adult just out of my teens, but the dynamics were very similar to what was depicted. In my case, it was my first visit to a gay bar, and the bartender kept putting drinks in front of me, then invited me to stay and finish the last one which he conveniently put down just ten minutes before closing. So like Justin at the Parliament House in Orlando, that was me at Mr. Mike's in Glendale, California (since closed).

The details that Justin shared are the details that the victim and assailant alone know. Too often the acts are sanitized in neutral mainstream terminology and overused words like rape. But Justin described pretty much what it is. Mine was no less traumatic, eerily similar in some ways, and an intensely personal invasion.

Like Justin's assailant, mine could have cared less about my favorite color or my favorite ice cream. He didn't take the time to get to know me, although when we first started talking, I thought he might have been a cool guy. That deeper part of me - of anyone - is supposed to be special, to be shared with special people who truly care about you and who deserve it. It is impossible to find the words to describe that deep sense of carnal theft. He had no right to be there. And there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop him, since he was twice my age, twice my weight, and I was always smaller and younger than my years.

I wrote about the details of what I experienced and even shared it once or twice on PM. I doubt I will ever publish it publicly on the boards, just as I have not yet published my CSA details as a survivor story. But I think it needs to be done, I applaud those who do, and I hope some day I have the courage. I admire Justin for his bravery, because it really shows the crime for what it is.

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I have taken to the stand-up comedy stage to educate other male survivors and those who try to love them. I blog about my isolated religious upbringing where physical and sexual abuse were commonplace and I serve as a facilitator of a weekly support group for men who have suffered sexual assault.

I am just proud to know you men, its that simple. As Keith says, "true Warriors"!

And hi, Jaybro. I appreciate your words. Of course I am deeply saddened by your experience as a younger man, actually horrified for you. I also have a lengthy span of some 14 years of CSA. And I thought I had placed it behind me, dealt with it, and continued strongly into life. And when I think about it, I had. Lots of details in there, but I had.

But I was 50 when I was assaulted/raped/unknowingly entered, under medically induced incoherence- which is the same as being drunk out of your head- not that that would make my ASA experience any worse than your's or Eirik's or Justin's- not by any stretch of the imagination.

But strive as I might, by reading and studying and reflecting and seeking therapy - I am no better off than when I was when I started seeking peace. I sensed with the therapists that they somehow thought it wasn't as serious because I was male or older or it was my fault- and both said so to some degree or even out right-, or they said I wasn't being real or I wasn't being sincere emotionally, or I should be this or that.

In other words I felt judged.

Regardless, I am no better off emotionally with the ASA than I was 6 years ago. I have not the ability to deal with it, to place it in its appropriate file, and to move on. It has caused great harm to my behavior and the reactions of my body and the full enjoyment of the sexual act with a partner. I struggle each day to avoid the thoughts of what happened and to avoid the emotional impact it has.

So, when I stated Justin had a lifetime to remember that he was raped, I wasn't implying that he wouldn't move forward or be successful and happy. I was just using my own experience and knowing that as a middle aged guy who was the object of ASA, I will remember almost daily for the rest of my life.

btw… I am proud of you for moving forward and living to the fullest. I am sort of doing the same, but what happened is always there. Always. Betrayal, tears, ill feelings, distrust, fear of anything medical…. its always there.

Thank you for sharing with me your story and thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry to read about what you had to endure again when you were 50. I really do feel for you and I am saddened that it's just been so devastating and crippling- and it is quite understable why it would be!! I'm also mortified by these therapists you have encountered and their reactions. I cannot think of anyone who would say that- who are these people? Are they qualified to work with sexual trauma survivors? I'd imagine my personal therapist would have a much different approach. I think it is pertinent that you find professionals who know what they are doing and not re-traumatizing you.

Don't forget about the progress that you had made earlier in your life. Use that as your motivation in recovery and know that it is possible to attain that level of consciousness again. I don't know if you have ever read this or been told this, but often survivors of childhood sexual abuse are more likely to be sexually victimized again as adults. Perhaps you can see this as something that while extremely unfortunate, is not all that unique to you as a survivor and it is indeed something that we survivors are most qualified to overcome.

The abuse you endured by a medical professional is a huge matter and I know that licencing and monitoring bodies which oversee physicians in North America usually take allegations of sexual assault into serious consideration. Whether or not you choose to report it, there should be resources available for you which specifically tackle this kind of abuse. Also what resources and supports have you found for male ASA?

I know it is hard, but look how strong you have been already! Don't give up hope!

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