Column: What we believe is what we believe

Monte Dutton

By Monte Dutton

Published: Sunday, December 23, 2012 at 07:15 PM.

We’re a gullible bunch.

Many mornings we read our horoscopes, which are allegedly based on some mystical power cast by the formation of the cosmos several centuries ago. In other words, in order to believe in astrology, we have to believe it’s valid in spite of the fact that the cosmos isn’t configured the same way now.

Last week we feared – OK, a very few feared and more just wrote wisecracks about it – the end of days because of this sinister end of, not days, but, rather, a calendar calculated by ancient Mayans.

Never mind that the Mayans didn’t even have iPhones, or, for that matter, calculators. Some erudite studiers of ancient Mayans claim this is a fallacy, and, instead, the Mayans reckoned that, at this point, we would have another eight octillion years left. Not being erudite myself, I have little grasp of the magnitude of an octillion, but I assume it comes after million, billion, trillion, quadrillion (?), cinquillion (?), sextillion (?) and septillion (?).*

The good news is that we might have octillions of years left to pay off trillions in debt. Piece of cake. The bad news is that there’s no telling how many “fiscal cliffs” lie ahead. It’s a regular Grand Canyon out there.

I’m inclined to cling to the songwriting words of Iris DeMent in “Let the Mystery Be”:

Many mornings we read our horoscopes, which are allegedly based on some mystical power cast by the formation of the cosmos several centuries ago. In other words, in order to believe in astrology, we have to believe it’s valid in spite of the fact that the cosmos isn’t configured the same way now.

Last week we feared – OK, a very few feared and more just wrote wisecracks about it – the end of days because of this sinister end of, not days, but, rather, a calendar calculated by ancient Mayans.

Never mind that the Mayans didn’t even have iPhones, or, for that matter, calculators. Some erudite studiers of ancient Mayans claim this is a fallacy, and, instead, the Mayans reckoned that, at this point, we would have another eight octillion years left. Not being erudite myself, I have little grasp of the magnitude of an octillion, but I assume it comes after million, billion, trillion, quadrillion (?), cinquillion (?), sextillion (?) and septillion (?).*

The good news is that we might have octillions of years left to pay off trillions in debt. Piece of cake. The bad news is that there’s no telling how many “fiscal cliffs” lie ahead. It’s a regular Grand Canyon out there.

I’m inclined to cling to the songwriting words of Iris DeMent in “Let the Mystery Be”:

Two weeks ago, fairly early in the morning, I answered the door to find Jehovah’s Witnesses there. Before I could tell them politely that I wasn’t interested, they too said something about the end of days. I guess the two ladies, sensing that the window of opportunity was closing, wanted to get the main point across in a hurry. My limited experience with Jehovah’s Witnesses is that they always think the end is near, but it strikes me as strange that a Christian group would abscond with the prophecies of practitioners of an ancient, pagan religion.

I guess it’s just like a song. The Jehovah’s Witnesses recognized a good hook.