Luis Suarez: Man bites footballer

To bite one footballer, as Lady Bracknell did not say, may be regarded as a misfortune. To bite three looks like… like what? What can we make of the chomp that Luis Suárez, playing for Uruguay, apparently took at the shoulder of his Italian opponent? Biting is so odd in an adult that we’re tempted to make it a joke. If Suárez weren’t such a good player, we’d never hear of him again. But he is like General Wolfe, of whom George II, on being told that he was a mad dog, said: “I wish he’d bite some of my other generals.” Yet if he is really a mad dog, what do canine behaviourists recommend? One outlines three steps: take the creature out of harm’s way (a long ban); consider rehoming (transfer to Madrid?); and if all else fails, a one-way visit to the vet’s. That is, unless Fifa’s disciplinarians wish to prove themselves toothless.