The Aussie, Trent Oeltjen, went 4-for-4 yesterday, after hitting three homers in four games. Wait, I know this one! Sounds like Parrot Bones? If you don’t own the guy when he’s hot, when do you own him? Will he keep this up? Please, blog, may I have some more?

Corey Hart is out for up to a month with an appendectomy. My college roommate had an appendectomy and he returned from the hospital in 24 hours and back to drinking Olde E forties with me by Friday, which is what we called Tuesday. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chris Davis was sent to the minors last night to make room for Josh Hamilton. In the preseason, Bill James’s projections for Chris Davis were 107/40/118/.302/8. I thought that was a tad optimistic. And “tad optimistic” there is like saying, “Hey, this Ben Affleck movie might be okay.” Those predictions and the proceeding hype sent Davis’s ADP through the roof. Please, blog, may I have some more?

In his last four games, J.J. Hardy has gone 8-for-17 with two homers. You waited and waited. Went for a dip in the ocean. Washed ashore in Finland. Smoked a bowl with some guy who wore only a potato sack. Fell asleep on a raft. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Brandon Webb may miss the rest of the season. Nothing good comes from drafting a top pitcher. Nothing, I tell you. I own Peavy in two leagues, so I’m right there with youse. Remind next year to revert back to not drafting starters in the first five rounds. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Brandon Morrow has changed his mind once again, deciding that his decision in the offseason to be a starter after relieving last year was a better idea than his decision in April to return to closing. It’s already June and it’ll take him at least a month or so to stretch out his arm. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Trouble ahead, Casey Jones, if you think Matt Cain is ’08 Lincecum. I went over why this doode was faux-Cain two weeks go when I broke down FIP. Now everyone is saying to sell high on him. And by everyone, I mean ESPN. Please, blog, may I have some more?