Friday, February 6, 2009

I'm not broken. Just so you know. I am not nearly as down as I was with the last miscarriage (still trying to figure out what the difference is) and I am already looking at the future. I know that you were probably expecting another post all about my current tragedy, but you're not going to get it. Instead I want to say this:

I adore my husband. I love every ounce of his existence with every bit of mine.

Here are some of the reasons why:

*I love that he calls me from work in the middle of the day just to talk to me.* I love the way that he blocks the doorways in our house and won't let me pass until I have hugged him for a lonnnnnnnnng time.*I love the look on his face when he comes home with "surprises" for "his girls"*Every Saturday morning, he lets me sleep in as late as I want and takes care of the Munchkin downstairs. *He lets me control the radio in the car whenever we go somewhere together.*He holds my hand every night under the covers until I fall asleep.*He loves our daughter more than anything. He's never missed a parent-teacher conference, school program, or PTA event (He's even taken time off work to come home in the middle of the day to play out in the snow with her.)*He lets me be me, no matter how much I change, and loves me just the same.*He has the biggest heart of any man I've known. He will help anyone if they ask (and even if they don't) even if he doesn't particularly like the person in need. LOL*He adores his parents. (So do I)*He actually LISTENS to me.

and there's more I'd like to say, but he just walked in (early) from work and I don't want him to see this just yet. (He's been doing that a lot this week. What can I say? He worries about me and comes home to take care of me. Whata guy huh?)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

So officially, I'm still pregnant... kinda. That's what my RE told me this morning as he was checking to make sure that this pregnancy isn't ectopic. He called this an "inevitable miscarriage". There is absolutely nothing that can be done to save it.

I have started cramping and spotting, but I'm not sure if this is the miscarriage of just irritation from the ultrasound and pelvic exam this morning. He had to push pretty hard on me. It wasn't pleasant. I'm hoping that it is the miscarriage. I can't stand waiting (after the exam he told me that I would start bleeding within the MONTH).

I have to go in on Monday for a repeat beta, and then every Monday until it returns to zero. I wouldn't think it would take too long, seeing as it never got very high to start with, but he said I may be surprised. At the same time, they will be checking for some immunological abnormalities that may be causing these miscarriages. He told me that "next time" I will be treated with "aggressive" progesterone treatments. I'm not so sure how to take the smile on his face when he spaced his fingers about 3 1/2 inches apart and said "the needles are this long." I've never had to give myself injections. Wonder how that will go.

DH surprised me with an opal ring when we got home from the hospital. My due date is/was October 5th. He's so sweet. Now I have a blue topaz necklace for my December baby, and the opal ring for this angel. Hopefully I'm not starting a collection.

Thank you for all of the comments. It really has helped me these last couple of days. You are all wonderful and I can't thank you enough.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up, but I'm having a hard time. DD found an hpt and figured it out, then let it slip at a superbowl party at my inlaws. We didn't want to say anything to them until we had a better idea of what to expect. Oh well, what's done is done.

About Me

A first-time mom for the second time, after 8 years of infertility - I'm just trying to find my footing in this new place.
I'm a happily married Mom to LJ (born in May 2002), and EJ (aka Miss E, born in August 2011). I'm not sure what the future holds, but right now I don't really care. I'm just so freakin' happy! (FINALLY!!)