Currently – 9/2/19 (Work, Holiday, Sad)

Didn’t work today. If that’s good or bad in your book take it as you like. I wasn’t sure so I kept an ear out most of the day. I also woke up early just in case. Ultimately I just spent my time waiting in case I was called as I felt that was the most sensible thing to do. Other than that my day was pretty standard.

Like I said I woke up early. I took this advantage and used it to… go back to sleep. But then I did some exercises later! So it wasn’t all for nothing, I guess. Apparently today was Labor Day, which a lot of places take off as a holiday so I couldn’t do much. I was going to go to the bank to cash in an older check but they were closed and I’m not really sure how the ATM works, so I guess I’ll just go tomorrow if I have the time.

And like the other days before it I wasn’t contacted by anyone. I mostly just sat there and every time my phone had a notification pop up I jumped up thinking that maybe one of them decided to get back to me… but no. Part of me wants to believe they’ll come back as soon as I send them a message but the more logical side (at least it seems like it) is telling me that at best I’ll be ignored. Its times like these I wish I had more people to talk to on occasion. I used to have more friends but those are a bunch of long, painful stories that I don’t want to get into.

I think the best thing for me now is to just forget about them, even for a little bit. That sounds kind of cruel but both of them are aware I tried to contact them so if they want to come back they know I’m still here. I just hate waiting to talk to others. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me or something I’ve done wrong to them when sometimes its just that they’re busy. I can’t help but feel that its somehow my fault as opposed to life just getting in the way. I also can’t stop thinking about how I’m probably being passed over in favor of another person to speak to because I’m just not that interesting or fun or what have you to talk to.

I try to be a decent person. I’m not going to deny that sometimes I’m not, however. I think this isn’t healthy for me to obsess over. If they do come back then that will be nice. Otherwise my life goes on and I have to go on with it. No matter how much you like or care for a person if they don’t reciprocate then there’s not much you can do about that. Maybe I’ll go out tomorrow and just do something to forget about them for a while.