Supernova

Maybe...just MAYBE...they might put out a restored version that replaces the seeming miles of footage they chopped out of this thing (the Walter Hill cut, perhaps?)--and maybe...JUST MAYBE...it could become passable. But I'm talking strictly about what we've been served up here--a "Supernova" with its balls cut off.

Good Lord--a spacecraft with a diverse crew and a female-voiced computer named "Sweetie" receive a distress signal from a mysterious source and pick up something that might be a monster...AAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!! So much for the damned "plot."

We were promised plenty of sex and skin. Aside from two male butts, it's all been cut for the "PG-13." We were promised strong, harsh gore and violence to make up for the lack of anything resembling originality. We get the equivalent of watching the Blockbuster version of "Dead Alive," to give an example. Surgical horror only hinted at. A head crushing lasts one frame.

Is it the acting or the editing? Robert Forster barely exists in this one. James Spader and Angela Bassett are talented performers--but we go from "Oh, my God, the captain's dead and we're in serious trouble" to "Baby, let's fuck" in ten minutes. And did I mention the cute robot in the WWI outfit?

A monster? Yeah, I guess. He takes all sorts of abuse and heals up again like the T-1000...sound familiar?

Let's top this off with two more cherries--let's re-design the poster until it's an EXACT COPY of the "Event Horizon" jacket design...and reference "hell" while we're at it. The only "hell" in this movie is the experience of sitting through it--it's not THAT sort of supernatural horror. And let's throw in a hand removal near the end. I will take that as a deliberate and personal bribe attempt--and it won't work.

Whoever castrated this film--go flush yourself. I can't think of enough bad things to say here...so I'll leave on a hopeful note--last year also started off with an awful horror/sci-fi jumble left over from the previous year "Virus"--but was still a damned good year when all was said and done. I'm not about to give up--but it will take a mighty effort to dislodge this piece of soulless crap from the shitpile of 2000.