Jokes :)

An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research.
''How much is this one?'' he asked.
''That one is a monkey brain, and it's $20,'' the owner explained.
''How much is that one?'' the alien asked.
"That one is a female brain, and it's $100,'' the owner replied.
''And how much is that one?'' the alien asked.
''That one is a male's brain and it is $500'' the owner explained.
''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked.
The owner answered,''Well, it's hardly been used!''

Q: Why did the blonde build a bridge across the river?
A: So she could have shade when she swam across.

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

Q: What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
A: The translator.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

A man walks into a bar and a giraffe follows him in.
He sees the giraffe but thinks nothing of it,
sits down at the bar, and orders a drink.
Meanwhile, the giraffe lays down on the floor behind him,
and again, the man sees the giraffe and thinks nothing of it.
He gets up, pays his tab, and gets ready to walk out the door
when the bartender shouts, "Hey! You can leave that lyin' there!
The man turns around and says, "Thats not a lion, its a giraffe!"

Last night I got a knock on the door, two men in suits asking what kind of bread I buy??? I said well I get white usually fresh from the bakers.

They started lecturing me about whole grain, wheatgerm, the benefits of brown bread and how good it is, how it can affect my life for the better, etc etc. I couldn't get rid of them. They were on my doorstep for 45 minutes.