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Since I was born, my mother took out a life insurance policy for me in the event that something should happen to me and they needed money for burial procedures. (morbid first sentence, I’m sorry.) I’m sure this was a smart move on her behalf from all the trouble I got into as a kid: Bitten in the face by a dog, needed stitches on my forehead from being accidentally hit with a metal bat, almost drowned in a pool at a campground, went outside in my PJs at night alone in search of my parents, etc. But now, I recently got a job that pays our own life insurance and has a better pay out if (god forbid) something happens to me. Thus, I no longer need my childhood policy.

My Mom gave me the task of calling to cancel it. (This was at least 2 months ago) I have still not done so because every time I go to pick up the phone to do it I think, with my bad luck, I’ll do this and something will happen to me soon after. I do not wish to be responsible for an asteroid hurtling towards earth, a zombie apocalypse, or a nuclear war, just because I was trying to cancel my life insurance policy.