Saturday, October 10, 2009

Pregnant

I'm sorry I took a break from blogging. School has resumed and I am swamped with classes this quarter. Then there is my mother. She's pregnant again. My sister is also pregnant. Yes sirree, we have a Duggar thing going on.

I'm not happy about this. To start with, my mom said nothing to me when I was home a few weeks back. She did look tired but after living her life I'd look tired too. I'm really worried about her. My mom's first pregnancy was in 1980. That's over 29 years ago. My eldest brother is 29, people! Rani (the youngest until now) is 13. When Rani was nine, my mom had a baby born early that passed away. That doctor told my mom not to get pregnant ever again because her uterus couldn't hold the pregnancy. She and dad stopped having sex. I guess they cheated because here she is. My mom is in her fifties. This just isn't right. She's due in three months so now of course we're in danger zone for preterm labor and delivery. Luckily there are just the four at home and one leaving soon to be married, but what is my mom going to do with one child? She won't know what to do or how to cope and she's not as young as she used to be. Because this was my worry for so many years ("Mom's having another baby for me to take care of."), I know she won't know what to do with it. True to form, this is a blessing (according to father), but it will be my fault if my mom delivers early because I should be living the lifestyle that would give my mom less stress and I'm not. When will that sort of logic stop bothering me?

7 comments:

I couldn't read and not comment. I can't help you let the guilt go, but know that you cannot control the actions of other adults. You can only control how you deal with them. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be dealing with this. I'll keep you in my prayers.

I understand your concern for your mother. All anyone could do is hope that she will be alright, both physically through the birth and emotionally (raising the child after wards). Let's also hope your new sibling is healthy. I concur with Brenna G- you can do nothing to control the actions of others.

Women over 50 can conceive without invitro. The rates vary on the internet between 2-5%. It looks like my mom is unusual because she didn't miscarry. Over 50 women have a 50% miscarriage rate. My mother has conceived eighteen times, with eleven live births and six miscarriages. Her first miscarriage was at age 31.

About Me

Welcome to my blog! My name is Ruth. I mostly blog about my life and my experiences as an Ex-Quiverfull, patriarch-raised daughter. My story is my story. Other patriarchal families may have suceeded where my family failed. I blog as part of my therapy and to share my experiences. Have a wonderful day!