Humor Blog

Place to post great emails I get...

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Opinions: You know what is really sexy, women who get sloppy-drunk at parties...

In case you can't tell, the title is sarcastic. I went to a party last night and two of the guests were ridiculously drunk. We've all seen it before. You know, the girls who become extremely sentimental ("I love you forever man") and then start holding on to everyone so they don't fall over. These are the same girls who all the sudden think they are being really sexy when they come up and start humping your leg... And then there is the aftermath. Watching them puke for hours on end over the floor, themselves, and whatever stands in their way. I thought I was finally at the mythical "mature" point in my life where people didn't still try to kill themselves through alcohol poisoning.

I feel really bad for them at first. In one case, the girl started throwing up after just having three drinks (life is cruel). I know how much it sucks to throw up, I can't say I've never been "that" person...but it has been about 6 years since I've been really drunk...and it only took throwing up once to learn to never drink to excess again.

You know what is even better? The drunk phone calls and text messages people make. I can't tell you how many sappy invitations, love letters and sentimental text messages I get at 3:00 am. Thanks, I appreciate the gestures. But, for the love of God, could you please NOT CALL at 3:00 in the morning unless you are either Jamie Presley and looking for a booty call, or seriously in trouble. Yea...thanks...