Tag Archives: consensual nonconsent

Immersion was about a month ago. Plenty of time to reflect on it, but there is no greater impetus for reflection than writing about it. Thinking through just the right words to convey an experience gives you a new perspective on that experience.

Yes, I know, many of you are saying I am still searching for the “right” words. Hey, if I say enough of them, some of them are bound to be “right.” If you know anything about me, it’s that I feel strongly that if you can convey something in fewer words, don’t bother, just say it in more! I am not much of an editor.

Where were we?

Oh. Anyway — As I wrote the last post I had this epiphany about kink. Like major psychological groundbreaking thoughts. I can’t wait to share them. But before I thoroughly entertain, enlighten, and inspire you with an esoteric rant, let’s wrap up the kinky stuff that went on at our “Take it to 11” Immersion.

There was really only one activity that lived up to the “Take it 11” billing. And that was our exploration into Consensual Non-Consent.

TRIGGER WARNING: I share some rape themes which may be disturbing to some. Here’s your chance to click away.CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT
Let’s be straight. This is rape-play. Serious stuff. The first order of business was to make sure we had a mutually agreeable understanding of what it meant. We all recognized it can be a mind-fuck as much as a physical one, and we weren’t aiming for the former, but also didn’t want it to just be “rough sex.”

So we came up with some ideas that we thought struck the balance we were comfortable with. In the end, I think what we ended up with was more along the lines of “rough sex” than true ConNonCon. Pushing, slapping, rough handling and/or restraining of our bodies, vulgar and degrading language, stuff like that.

It was the three of us, plus John, Matt, and his girlfriend, Jillian. Donna sat that activity out, but she watched. Each of the participating women took turns, so it was three men on one woman. And while the first woman (me) was with the three guys the other two (Kayla and Jillian) had to wait outside where they couldn’t hear or see what was going on.

It started first with a talk. We sort of verbally sketched out a scene, talked again about what was off-limits. For me, it was choking, punching, and cutting. It may seem silly to have to articulate some of those limits, but that’s what you have to do to help avoid misunderstandings. And then we did the scene.

I won’t go into details but to say it was rough. And while there was no knife-play per se, one was allowed and used as long as it was limited to removal (cutting away) of clothes. I had never experienced that. Even though a controlled environment, it was still scary to have your clothes cut off by a long sharp knife.

In the end, I was physically exhausted and sore. I was surprised how into the scene I got and just how sweaty everyone got. I really tried hard to get away, which is why I was so sore. And I don’t mean I wanted to get away – I didn’t. I just wanted to try. I would have been disappointed if I succeeded.

On an emotional level, it seemed to strike a balance for me. A few moments of fear, but not like life-endangering fear. Just a fear like, “Wow, he’s really getting into this, I hope he’s under control and doesn’t do something stupid.” That little bit of the unknown was “rapey” enough for me.

We talked afterward — plenty of aftercare — then eventually repeated the process for the next one up, which was Jillian. Kayla went last. We didn’t do these all back-to-back as the guys needed time to um… let’s say, “re-charge.” But over the course of the afternoon, we all got our ConNonCon experience.

The after-care was not just immediately after. It continued all day and evening long with the guys checking in with us and with us gals checking in with each other. Everyone reported having a good experience with it, and even today feel the same way.

I didn’t consult the BDSM rule-book, but as I stated, I think our version of this was more along the lines of rough-sex than ConNonCon. That’s fine. It seemed to satisfy everyone’s curiosity and cravings. So no need to have to label it. Ultimately, I can check that box and leave it open to maybe doing again someday. Not a “must-have” for me, but not a “never again” either.

And that concludes Immersion 2019! Looking forward to sharing my reflections and the discovery of what I call “Kink Think.”

This is a continuation of my prior post. No cutesy-intro with a clever non-sequitur this time. I heard that!!! Who just said, “Since when has Jen been clever?” Was it you?

I am going to have to break this up into two more posts. That’s how fun Immersion 2019 was! LOL.

CONSENSUAL NONCONSENT
The ConNonCon was clearly the “big deal” of our Immersion. It’s what we talked most about leading up to Immersion, and the activity that gave us the most reservations. Not reservations as in, “people signing up in advance.” Reservations as in, “concerns.” Although come to think of it, we did have some advance sign-ups.

I will wait until my next post to share that experience. Such a tease!!

PLAYING WITH OTHERSWe had a steady stream of guests during our stay at the “place in the woods.” John and Donna, Matt and Jillian, Mister and Nurse Ann, Kim and TJ, Chelsea and Jaime, and Valerie and Raul.

All 15 of us weren’t together at the same time. Partly due to each couples personal schedules and party by design. We felt some of them wouldn’t be comfortable with certain people or things that would be going on and wanted to gear our activities more towards where they were in their kinky journeys. How thoughtful of us!!

My prior post shared the role Mister and Nurse Ann had in this year’s Immersion in that it was basically a repeat of last year. In addition to the nursing, Kayla and I enjoyed some sex with Mister! Mister and Nurse Ann spent about half a day with us.

John and Donna spent more than a day and spent one of the nights with us. We didn’t explore anything dramatically new in our “friendship” sans the ConNonCon. So yeah, a lot of swapping around and 5-person group stuff. Typical boring routine.

Kim and TJ spent an entire day with us but didn’t spend the night, arriving early one morning and leaving late that evening. John and Donna were there for about half of the day that Kim and TJ were there.

Kim has basically taken on a Domme role with TJ. I’d call it, Domme-light…or maybe Domme-medium? Definitely the top in the relationship. Kim and TJ looked to our Immersion as their own excuse to try more new stuff. Kink is still very new to them. 4 months ago they rarely had sex and when they did it was “akin to a funeral procession and now… it’s a circus.” (Those are Kim’s words, not mine).

While we have had sex in front of each other, up until Immersion Kim and TJ didn’t directly play with others. The did that day. Me, Donna, and Kayla all had sex with Kim. At first Kim said TJ could not touch another woman, but eventually relented and allowed him to perform and receive oral. Turns out she didn’t do it out of any objection to sharing him. She just wanted to tease and torture him a bit.

The new experience for me was that Kim let me try out her strap-on on TJ. I’ve never fucked a guy before! I am still not sure how I feel about it.

I’ve used a strap-on on Kayla and Donna before. I like it – not tops on my list but definitely not averse to it. But on a man? I felt disconnected. I guess it just feels too dominating for my submissive tastes. And the fact it was TJ had something to do with it. He’s a bit odd in my book. I am not emotionally attached to him in any way. Oh well, at least I can check that off the fuckit list!

Kim did say that Those Things We Did (as we now refer to our Immersion activities with them), were limited to Immersion. She didn’t want them to be part of our regular interactions. Just experimenting and having fun and now the experiment and fun are over. Well, at least the experiment part, and she added, “…at least until next time.”

Chelsea and Jaimejoined us one mid-afternoon to the evening when it was just me, Mike, and Kayla. There’s a bit more to this story that I need to post about regarding Chelsea’s and Kayla’s trip to New York that was part ofour graduation gift to Kayla. Let’s just say there was a little friction in our collective friendship, but not to the point that Chelsea and Jaime weren’t welcomed, nor did it preclude them from wanting to come.

Immersion helped us put that friction behind us. The five of us rarely get together. It’s mostly Mike talking/texting with Jaime, or Mike going over to their place to help Jaime with an issue related to DD. Mike is clearly Jamie’s mentor, and in mentoring Jaime also ends up mentoring Chelsea to some degree. Chelsea has a massive crush on Mike, which is part of the friction I referred to and will cover on another post. Kayla also goes out a lot with Chelsea and sometimes with both Chelsea and Jaime. Up until Immersion the three of them never had sex together. Immersion changed that.

The three of them had a threesome. Neither I nor Mike participated in that. There was talk of Chelsea having sex with Mike, but Jaime never seemed fully on board. Mike could sense it and had the restraint to squash the idea. It’s complicated to explain, but if it doesn’t feel right, then it isn’t right.

Valerie and Rauljoined us for an early dinner and hung out for the evening before heading home. I shared before that they’ve been seeking a threesome but hadn’t found the right person. I always thought Donna would be a good fit for them. I’d be happy to help a friend out myself, but I think it would mess with our friend vibe and our vibe when we hung out with our other mutual friends. Plus, I just sense Valerie doesn’t look at me that way or has hang-ups about Raul having sex with me. Whatever, I respect it.

As part of inviting them to our Immersion, I explained what it was. If they joined us, the idea was they would explore their own kinks. It didn’t mean they had to have sex with us – it could just be something the two of them explore. No rules about what they were expected to do with whom, just that they should look at it as an opportunity to explore. Basically, I explained the full menu and they could order a la carte.

Long story short – they had a threesome with Donna. Details at 11.

Just kidding. This post is long enough. Use your imagination. I have to because I wasn’t invited and wasn’t there to witness it. But I did get the first-hand accounts and get to see the after-glow. Apparently, it went well!

Phew. If our Circle of Trust gets any larger, I’ll need to rent an auditorium! Maybe get some sponsors, vendors, and side-shows. Immersion-Con 2020! Are you in?