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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Who Should I Tell?

As I hinted to in the page "About This Blog" I was wandering how writing about Bipolar and my Life would affect me. I have not written much so far, but I can tell that already that this is not going to be as easy as I thought. Some memories and a little pain came to the surface that I have not thought about for a long time.

You see, I just don't talk about it. There is only a handful of very close family that even knows what is wrong with me. They became aware back when I was at the cross roads of life and death. But then there's my wife. She knows and she is the only person that I talk to. She is the one who stood by me all the way, and to this day continues to support me, and when I am have a real bad couple of days she let's me have my space. For that, I could devote this entire blog on her. I will in more detail later on.

I just want to talk a little bit and give my mind a little time to calm down after the last post.

I read other blogs and this subject varied from person to person as night and day. Some even openly discuss it to people they just met. Hey, I guess if that makes them feel better, then go for it. But how in the world does this topic come up with people you hardly know? "Hey, by the way I'm Bipolar!" I mean other than scaring the pants off them what purpose does it serve? I wander if they also add "I just wanted you to know in case all of a sudden I start shaking, crying, curling up in a fetal position and thinking of ways of killing myself."

I am not saying that people around me does not wander sometimes what's wrong with me. I know they do. I am also not saying that I mask it very well in public all the time either. Trust me, the mean side has come out from time to time. The deep depression has come upon me suddenly and unexpectedly and I know people around me wander what is wrong.

The way I feel is this: If I tell, say a coworker, then every move I make, every thing that happens to me, all my actions, speech, and moods will ring a bell "Oh yeah, he's Bipolar." I mean, if a friend of yours was to run into you and he/she was not a bubbly cheerful normal, does any major alarms go off?

There are so many misconceptions of Bipolar as it is. It seems to be a fad now "He must be Bipolar." Give me a break. They don't even know what it means. Sure, I have ears, and I hear what is said about someone with Bipolar. Over and over I hear the words... "crazy; psycho; nutcase" or even make the comment "that person could go postal and kill everyone at any given moment." Well, to be honest with you I was not thinking about it until you brought it up.

My mind is racing a million times a minute right now, and it's getting so tired. There are so many things I just said in this posts that no doubt I will go into further detail later. But seriously though, I have enough trouble as it is, I really don't need a sign across my chest.