Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My friend Annie turned 27 a little while ago and got a free dinner certificate to Benihana. She asked me and her other friend Greg to go eat with her. Greg couldn't go, I didn't really want to either but I felt bad. So I went, and the meal was good. I thought while I was there, it's kind of awesome and kind of lame knowing that I'll be eating at these kinds of places for the rest of my life.

Monday, April 26, 2010

I got to thinking again today, "Who am I? What am I?" As usual I wasn't sure, so I got the easy stuff out of the way. I am a human. I am a male. But what else? Then I remembered that supposedly, I'm a Libra. Whatever that means. Do you guys really believe in this crap? It's ok if you do, I believe weird some things too. So anyway I decided to do some investigating on what a Libra was, and I found this: Ok so let's break this above image down:10. Sure. If everyone were happy that would be great. Why not. (Does anybody really object to this? besides my ex-wife aka crazy-bitch-who-stole-my-friends-and-owes-me-$225-for-bills?)9. I don't really have a motto but if I did this wouldn't be it.8. No idea what this means. If I were held hostage I imagine I would sulk and gripe a lot so I doubt this has any merit whatsoever.7. Yes I am extremely loveable, but again, many people are so this is a very broad and non-specific declaration.6. Yes and no. I'm trying to be objective hear but by definition that is impossible. I enjoy being right when I am right I guess.5. I do like 80's soft rock a lot.

4. What does this mean, "Brainstormer Deluxe"? Yeah, I brainstorm. I guess it's kind of deluxe. I'd prefer to think it's deluxxxe.

3. On trivial things like which kind of honey to buy, yes. On important life things that require sober thought and careful consideration, yes.

2. I have never redecorated a house in my life and hope I never do.

1. I was born on October 13, 1982 at 2:33 in the afternoon. Apparently this falls right under the SIGN OF THE SCALES OOOHHHHH (cue lightning and thunder audio clip ending with an abrupt "Eh?" noise that Tim does on Home Improvement).

So because of my Libra-ness apparently I am obsessed with balance in life and am the 'voice of reason' in all situations. The only time I can think of where I really was the voice of reason was in eleventh grade when Skip Henry and I went to Krystal and he suggested we split the Sackful and I said "No we should both just get a combo that's too many". The above is the actual Libra sign.And this person liked being a Libra so much she painted it on her boobs.

This is my dog Barney. He is a six year old Jack Russell terrier. He loves to swim, chase squirrels and eat scraps. He currently lives at my parents' house in south Georgia where he has a large yard to play in with another dog named Kate. He is seen here wearing a bark collar which he has to wear bc of lawsuit threats from neighbors. For more pics or info about Barney, please email me at summers.clay@gmail.com.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I just got back from there, it was predictably terrible. It's almost too known and cliche of a thing to write about.

The Atlanta DMV is a trailer-esque structure right by Turner Field. "Fifteen dollars!" a man screamed at me as I parked. "I'm just going to the DMV, not the Braves game!" I shrieked at him (there was a Braves game going on).

It took an hour and a half. And it was hot, bad hot. A crackhead started preaching at everyone waiting, but his sermon was nonsense. Something about "You know you did it! You know you did it! Now tell Jesus!" I shrunk in my chair disgruntled.

I became even more disgruntled when this lady sat right next to me (sit somewhere else wtf!). She sounded out of breath and was chugging a Mountain Dew. And I swear. She kept periodically burping and turning to me and saying "Excuse me!" This happened at least four times. Six at most. One time she put her hand on my shoulder and said "Excuse me, I got the burps!" followed by hearty laughter I think she was hoping I would take part in. Yeah right. Dream on. Not now. Not ever.

Also I'm crazy about these toothpaste tube squeezer things. It's so efficient and they are really fun to use. I wonder if this is true of other gimmicky things I haven't tried. I'll say this, one time I tried on "HD vision glasses" at CVS and things really did look more high def.

Monday, April 5, 2010

So here's what happened to me today at Chick-Fil-A. I go to the drive thru at lunch. I've done this a hundred times. It's always boring until I get my finally get my food and can eat it.

But today there was an employee with a tray walking up to all the cars waiting in line, apparently offering some sort of free sample. "Dammit! Dammit!" I thought to myself as I detested the unwanted forced conversation I was inevitably about to have with this person. Also I predetermined that I wasn't going to like whatever free sample it was. All I saw were small cups on a tray. I assumed it had to be coleslaw, fruit or some other poor-selling menu item I wanted no part of.

So the person walks up to my window. I sneer and roll it down. "Hi!" she says. "Would you like to try a free sample of our new peach milkshake?" I acted all fake happy and was like "You bet thanks!" I pondered the melted sludge in this small cup and then downed it. It was pretty good. I still wasn't happy about the new piece of trash that was this small cup I now had to deal with.

But what really made the trip a win was this. As I rounded the corner, I spied yet another employee waiting to greet me. "Dammit! Dammit!" I thought again. This guy was hanging out by the intercom box. He had no free samples. Only a weird electronic notepad thing. He asked if he could take my order. I was like yeah sure this is weird but whatever. Then he asked if I wanted to pay him there or wait and do it at the window. I elected to pay him there.

In conclusion, at the end of this transaction, I had decided that I indeed liked this person acting as a live intercom.