But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she
began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.

Alice had never been in a court of justice before,
but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased
to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. `That's
the judge,' she said to herself, `because of his great wig.'

Image: Mabel Lucie Attwell, 1910

The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his
crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he
did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not
becoming.

`And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, `and
those twelve creatures,' (she was obliged to say `creatures,' you
see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose
they are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over
to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too,
that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However,
`jury-men' would have done just as well.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.
`What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. `They
can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.'

`They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon
whispered in reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end
of the trial.'

`Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant
voice, but she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence
in the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously
round, to make out who was talking.

Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over
their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things!'
on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them didn't know
how to spell `stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to
tell him. `A nice muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!'
thought Alice.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of
course, Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind
him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it
so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could
not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about
for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day;
and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.

`Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the
trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--

`The Queen of Hearts,
she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:

The Knave of Hearts,
he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!'

Image: Sir John Tenniel - 1865

`Consider your verdict,' the King said to the
jury.

`Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted.
`There's a great deal to come before that!'`Call the first witness,' said
the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called
out, `First witness!'

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup
in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. `I beg pardon,
your Majesty,' he began, `for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite
finished my tea when I was sent for.'

`You ought to have finished,' said the King.
`When did you begin?'

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed
him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March,
I think it was,' he said.

`Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.

`Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.

`Write that down,' the King said to the jury,
and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then
added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

`Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.

`It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.

`Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to
the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact.

`I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added
as an explanation; `I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.'

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began
staring at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.

`Give your evidence,' said the King; `and
don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot.'

Image: A.E. Jackson, 1915

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he
kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen,
and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of
the bread-and-butter.

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation,
which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was
beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get
up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where
she was as long as there was room for her.

`I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse,
who was sitting next to her. `I can hardly breathe.'

`Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said
the Dormouse: `not in that ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very
sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.

All this time the Queen had never left off staring at
the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one
of the officers of the court, `Bring me the list of the singers in
the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that
he shook both his shoes off.

`I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began,
in a trembling voice, `--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week
or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling
of the tea--'

`The twinkling of the what?' said the King.

`It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.

`Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the
King sharply. `Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!'

`I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, `and
most things twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--'

`I didn't!' said the Hatter.

`I deny it!' said the King: `leave out that
part.'

`Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the
Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too:
but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.

`After that,' continued the Hatter, `I cut
some more bread- and-butter--'

`But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury
asked.

`That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.

`You MUST remember,' remarked the King, `or
I'll have you executed.'

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
and went down on one knee. `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.

`You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately
suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard
word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas
bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the
guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)

`I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice.
`I've so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There
was some attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed
by the officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant
till now.'

`If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,'
continued the King.

`I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: `I'm
on the floor, as it is.'

`Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.

Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.

`Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought
Alice. `Now we shall get on better.'

`I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter,
with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.

`You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly
left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.

`--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen
added to one of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the
officer could get to the door.

`Call the next witness!' said the King.

The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried
the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before
she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing
all at once.

`Give your evidence,' said the King.

`Shan't,' said the cook.

The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said
in a low voice, `Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'

`Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with
a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook
till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `What
are tarts made of?'

`Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.

`Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.

`Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out.
`Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him!
Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!'

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting
the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again,
the cook had disappeared.

`Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great
relief. `Call the next witness.' And he added in an undertone to
the Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness.
It quite makes my forehead ache!'

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the
list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like,
`--for they haven't got much evidence YET,' she said to herself.

Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out,
at the top of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!'