These Strange New 'Crotch Charms' Allow You To Glitz Up Your Lady Bits On The Beach

What is this obsession with women trying to glamour up their nether regions? First there was Vajazzle, then there was that weird glitter bomb that was just all kinds of unsafe (and an actual hot mess). We’re sure that there have been plenty other attempts to make women feel the need to make their vaginas look ‘prettier’ but this latest invention really has us scratching our heads.

So, this new invention is called a ‘Crotch Charm’ (or Beach tail), and it works mainly for those who are wearing a cute little bikini set on the beach.

The little metallic charms take the form of a tiny jewelled chain, and they are meant to slip through the crotch of your underwear, letting the accessories dangle free.

Think of it as a really tiny charm bracelet, but instead of it going around your wrist, it goes around the crotch of your underwear.

In theory, it sounds like an okay-ish idea, but the thought of something dangling from down there just rubs us up the wrong way. Anyone from a distance might think you’re dripping Unicorn tears from your nether regions, or, at worst, just melting away in the reflected light.

And what about the chafing? Oh God, the chafing! The cold metal links of this crotch charm go right up against your vulva, and, who on earth would possibly want that? It’s the most sensitive part! With every step, you’d feel it against your flesh, which means that if you went for a run, the metal would just go right ahead and grind against your …

You get the picture.

And let’s not even talk about the consequences that this could have for those with a metal allergy.

This glittery new contraption comes from Bodivas, a Japanese company that just loves selling cute little jewels for your lady bits. They’re all about non-piercing jewellery, and have a plethora of charms that could definitely spice up your outfit, inside or out of the bedroom.