One man's quest to exercise enough so that he can eat all of the good things that exist in the world

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No ifs, no butts

My dalliance with Runner’s World didn’t stop at not understanding race advice. I read on. A few pages later there was an article all about your rear end. Not your rear end, I hasten to point out, that would be a gross invasion of privacy. No, rear ends in general. Let’s call them glutes¹, just to avoid any further embarrassment.

The gist was this: your glutes are probably not firing on all cylinders. We’re not talking about twerking here (I’ve googled it – it’s definitely a thing); rather, we’re talking running power. Your glutes are meant to be driving your running and, if they are not, it probably means that you are going to be relying too much on your hamstrings and your IT band. This, I read, is not good news.

There is a test. I took the test. I failed. My arse is sitting down on the job. My rear end is suffering from poor timing, and that is an anecdotal avenue that I am not keen to wander down. Luckily the magazine also offered some solutions, although they did seem to involve balancing trays of wine glasses on your foot whilst lying on the ground. I should probably re-read that section before I attempt that with our best glassware.

And, elsewhere, there were more glute-improving exercises on offer, including the reverse plank. That’s right, it’s a plank but the other way around. The Running Buffet stick man will make a rare appearance to demonstrate.

So don’t get behind in your training. Put some training into your behind. Thank you – here all week.