Sparky’s Overkill Solution

None of this would be happening to begin with if these losers hadn’t scrapped out our carts.

Today Sparky and his ergonomic engineering freak of a sidekick showed up in the assembly area to announce his solution to our instrument cart problem. It’s only taken him slightly over a month to figure it out, meanwhile Gary and I have been pissed off and working in pain. Sparky’s brilliant idea is to spend six thousand dollars on a hydraulic lift that will have to be permanently bolted into the floor. I couldn’t believe it. He showed both Gary and I a brochure for this behemoth lift thing. It was ridiculous. It looked like it would have come up to about waist high and had black handled levers and knobs all over it for moving it up and down, articulating angles, and unlocking it to spin in a 360 degree rotation. I looked Sparky straight in the face and I told him this is exactly what we didn’t want him to do. And it took him a month. Fucker. There’s no way in hell I’m going to allow him to waste that much money on an overkill solution. I told him to place an order at a local metal shop for a half dozen carts that are taller. At most it will cost Bill and Dave’s a few hundred bucks. The problem will be solved. I don’t understand these people. It’s like their whole reason for existence is to piss away company money and resources on extravagant shit that nobody wants. Just cut to the chase and get the shit done, man.

I spend time thinking about guys like Sparky and I wonder if part of the reason why they do shit like this is to justify their jobs somehow to upper management. In a way it makes sense. In his position he doesn’t have much oversight so he can act with impunity. If anyone asks him what he’s up to at any given time he can show them all these grandiose yet unnecessary projects he has going on. I know how our management teams think and they’ll most likely be eating the shit up, not knowing for a second it’s all total junk.

Sparky put up a fight about it but Gary backed me up. He feels like I do that the best thing to do is just get taller carts built. Sparky eventually gave in, and then he told Gary to put a couple of our carts in the back of his truck. He was going to take them to a fabrication shop in the next town over to get a price quote or something. Fair enough, but then things got stupid again. Gary asked Sparky where his truck was on the site. The factory we’re working in is huge. Multiple buildings ringed by parking lots everywhere the eye can see. Sparky said, “I park out by building 4. It’s a white truck. You can’t miss it.” That was retarded. There’s a million white pickup trucks in every god damned parking lot here. Gary pressed him for details on where he parked his shit or what would make his white truck stand out in the crowd. Again, Sparky told him “You can’t miss it. It’s right there in front of building 4.”

After a few more minutes of this crap Gary got pissed off and took an instrument cart from the line and walked out into the massive lot in front of building four. There was no white pickup truck ‘right out in front of building 4.’ He wandered around for a few minutes and of course he spotted multiple white pickup trucks all over the place. Gary got angry and he did what any sensible angry person would do. He picked one white truck out at random and threw the cart into the back of the truck. He quickly walked away. We don’t know who drove home with a cart in the bed of their truck that afternoon. I’m sure it wasn’t Sparky.

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2 Responses to “Sparky’s Overkill Solution”

Shee-ot like that totally riles me. Maybe it would be unfair to assume that everyone that gets injured on the job is an idiot, but plenty of idiots get injured on the job for being stupid. Turning around and hiring ’em back as “ergo specialists” makes about as much sense as stapling your sack to your thigh.