Thursday, October 8, 2009

City Says Good Riddance to Braylon's Rubbish

As a devoted Browns fan, I cannot tell you the elation that I felt when it was announced that the team had rid themselves of the cancerous butterfingers, Braylon Edwards. Now, if the trade works out like typical Cleveland sports moves, he will become the greatest receiver in the history of the world and bring 10 consecutive Super Bowl wins to the New York Jets (for other examples, see: Sabathia, C.C.; Lee, Cliff; Ramirez, Manny; Thome, Jim; Colavito, Rocky). Perhaps a bit hyperbolic, yes, but you know what I mean...

But, you know what? I DON'T CARE. Mr. Edwards consistently acted like spoiled, petulant child, and fit in in blue-collar Cleveland like a Budweiser at a beer festival (that is, not well, not well at all). He complained about the team, the city, the fans; just about anything and everything but himself. And to top it all off? He could barely catch the damn ball, which is what the Browns were paying him millions of dollars to do! He led the league in drops last year, and is well on his way again in 2009. I cannot tell you the frustration when a third down pass bounces off his chest/helmet/hands/etc. and we're forced to punt, yet again.

Now comes the revelation that he punched a man in the face who weighs 130 pounds for basically being friends with Lebron James and having the nerve to be entrepreneurial and capitalize (with the full blessing of LBJ) on the relationship. Not everyone is blessed with the millions of dollars from the genes their parents provided them.

What an insufferable human being.

In all likelihood, he is thrilled with the trade, as it puts him in the bright lights of the Big Apple. But, like the republicans during the Obama administration, I hope he fails. Huge. For someone of that talent to have such a disgusting personality and still be paid handsomely is a smack in the face to every hard-working Clevelander. So, good or bad, we'll see how he responds. In the mean time, we'll work on incorporating our newest team members to the Browns (which shouldn't be difficult, because half the team played for the Jets last year anyway).