The Hills Guide For A Successful 2013

The Tao of Lauren Conrad never fails.

Now you have survived the first day of the new year, it’s time to think about the next 364 days. I recently rewatched all of the great MTV reality show, The Hills. No, I’m not being sarcastic. It really is great and the longer it has been off the air, the more relevant is becomes. Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch but nothing matches the sheer brilliance of the first season. This is before Speidi, before the timeless “You know what you did!” fight, and before Kristin Cavallari ruined everything.

In a mere 10 episodes, our heroine Lauren Conrad struggles to balance her “hectic” life, Heidi Montag is endearing, Audrina Patridge has almost no screen time (LC didn’t need a new best friend until season 3) and Whitney Port makes funny faces. It’s awesome and it offers us so much fantastic advice for how we should handle the new year.

1. Recognize how to have a successful career.

2. Be prepared for every emergency.

3. Admit your flaws.

Bless you, Heidi

4. Make thought-provoking pop culture references.

5. Stay motivated.

6. Nail that job interview.

7. Know your strengths.

8. Date someone who treats you like a princess because every girl deserves to be treated like a princess.

9. Accept that you and your best friend are different people.

This will help ease your pain during your major falling out in season 2.

10. Career disappointment will happen.

My favorite shot from the entire first season.

11. Be supportive when your friend gets back together with their ex.

Whitney Port: The unsung hero of this franchise.

12. Be supportive when your friend is going through a break-up.

You had one big scene, Audrina, and you failed.

13. Listen to your parents.

14. Let someone wipe your mouth.

That’s what friends are for.

15. Relax.

Life is too hard to not lounge by a pool and hope to be discovered by reality television producers.

16. And, for the love of God, you go to Paris. YOU GO TO PARIS. I’ll never forgive you for choosing Jason, Lauren. Never.