Both Lorenzo and G have mysteriously disappeared to celebrate the holidays and ring in the New Year. In their absence, I decided to research and post cultural, historical and statistical sexual trivia for your reading pleasure. Best wishes for 2015. Stay tuned for the return of the dynamic duo!

1. Scientists are unsure why humans have pubic hair, but they theorize that the hair traps secretions that hold pheromones, or sexual scents.

2. In women, the labia minora (singular: labium minus) vary more than any other part of the female genitalia. The labia minora (Latin for “smaller lips”) can range from pink, burgundy, brown, or a mixture of colors. They may be small, or large enough to extend beyond the labia majora (Latin for “larger lips”), and one may be longer than the other. Contrary to myth, they are not lengthened or wrinkled by masturbation.

3. The word “clitoris” is Greek for “divine and goddess like.” The clitoris is present only in female mammals. It is actually approximately 4 inches long, with 3/4 of the clitoris extending inside a female’s body.

4. The opening of the vagina is called the introitus, from the Latin intro or “into, within” + ire, meaning “to go into.”

5. Aphrodite, the goddess of sexual intercourse, emerged from the foaming semen of her father’s castrated testicles.

6. The word “vagina” means “sheath” or “scabbard” in Latin, suggesting that love and war have been connected for thousands of years.

7. The word “penis” is Latin for “tail” and is probably also from the Old English faesl, meaning “progeny” or “offspring.”

8. The vagina is not “a hole,” contrary to popular belief. It is instead, a potential space that can range from 2 to 2.5 inches wide from around 3 to 6 inches long, with the average vagina measuring 4.5 inches.

9. Known as the “veil of the temple,” the hymen is related to the word “hymn” and is named after the Greek god of marriage.

10. Usually one testicle hangs lower than the other. For most men, the left testicle hangs lower—but in some men, most commonly left-handed men, the right one hangs lower.

11. Men do not need to be sexually aroused to have an erection. Erections can occur if a man is frightened, nervous, or has a full bladder. It’s normal for a man to have several erections during the dream phase of sleep.

12. During a woman’s period, the opening of the cervix (Latin for “neck” or “nape of neck”) and uterus stretch slightly to allow the shedding of the endometrium. During this time, harmful sexually transmitted bacteria have easier access to the uterus, increasing the risk of serious pelvic infections. HIV is also more easily transmitted during a woman’s period.

13. Married people are more likely to masturbate than people living alone, according to the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS).

14. For men seeking penile enlargement surgery, the average gain in size is about 1 inch when flaccid and 1/2 inch when erect. More than 65% of men who opt for penile enlargement surgery are dissatisfied with the result.

15. The condom is said to be named after the Earl of Condom, a British physician at the court of Charles II who was asked by the king to design him something to keep him from developing syphilis. The oiled sheep intestine was a big hit.

16. Though nudity was accepted in ancient Greece, an exposed erection was frowned upon. Additionally, a small penis was considered ideal.

17. The average number of times a healthy male will ejaculate in a lifetime is 7,200. Of this number, approximately 2,000 times will result from masturbation.

18. Most men have the most powerful erections during REM sleep. Researchers believe nighttime erections may be to preserve the elastic penile tissues.d

19. In 2000, the Mississippi state legislature introduced a bill to make it illegal for a male customer to have an erection at a strip club even if he is fully dressed.

21. Folk medicine used a variety of herbal potions and mechanical devices to harden the penis, such as crushed rhinoceros horn and pulverized antelope, deer, and horse testicles, as well as parings of human nails. Sometimes even a piece of bone was eased into the urethra.

22. President Lyndon B. Johnson referred to his penis as “Jumbo.”

23. A 1999 golf tournament in Australia offered a penis enlargement to the player with the longest drive.

24. The fear of having, seeing, or thinking about an erection is called ithyphallophobia.

25. Approximately 80 cases have been reported in medical literature of men born with two penises. A diphallus can present as either one organ that separates into two or as two distinct organs. The penises can be side by side, on top of each other, or in separate locations. Most men with diphallus are sterile.

26. The word “testis” (testes, plural) shares the same root as “testify” and comes from the Latin, meaning “witness.” This is perhaps because of the ancient Roman practice of a man’s bearing witness or “testifying” by holding his testis as he spoke.

27. When men of Australia’s Walibri tribe greet each other, they shake penises instead of hands.

28. Of all the primates, man has the largest penis. The gorilla has a two-inch penis, while the chimpanzee’s is three inches. The blue whale has the largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet.

29. In 2003, a Texas man woke up from bladder surgery to discover that doctors had removed his penis without his permission.

30. Thirty-four percent of all American men ages 40 to 70, or about 20 million men, suffer from some significant level of erectile dysfunction (ED).

31. In 2004, Norwegian sexologists published a “Penis Atlas” which featured 100 photographs of men’s penises to correct and clarify misunderstandings about the male sex organs.

32. The ancient Romans thought penile hardness was directly linked to what a person ate. The shape, color, and flavor of food determined its impact on one’s sex life. Therefore root vegetables such as carrots became instant symbols of strength of libido.

33. A rumor that Ozti’s (Ice Man’s) scrotal sac still had viable sperm—quick-frozen as in sperm banks—prompted a number of Austrian women in the 1990s to ask if they could be artificially inseminated and have his baby.

34. To maximize oral sex, it is worth paying attention to what food you eat. Foods such as kiwi, celery, and pineapple can make genital secretion sweet. Dairy products, meat, and alcohol are generally thought to worsen the taste.

35. Upper Paleolithic art dating back 30,000 years depicts people using dildos to pleasure themselves and others. That means mankind invented sex toys long before the wheel.

36. Slang for “prostitute” in Victorian times was “blowsy” and slang for “ejaculation” was “blow,” leading to the current phrase “blow job.” In ancient Greece, a blow job was called “playing the flute.”

37. The average man has 11 erections per day and 9 erections a night.

38. The smell of pumpkin pie, licorice, chocolate, and donuts increase the blood to a man’s genitals.

39. Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy receiving and giving oral sex.

41. There are between 500 and 1,000 deaths per year due to auto-erotic asphyxiation.

42. Avocados are known as the “fruit of the testicle tree” and are believed to have aphrodisiac qualities.

43. Sexual appeal is not all about body shape, weight, height, or breast size. Sex appeal is all of a person, such as his or her attitude, confidence, and the way he or she smells, walks and talks.

44. Remote-control panties are one type of sex toy. The vibrator is built into the panty itself and stays outside the body, providing vibrations to the clitoris and outer vagina.

45. When a drone (a male honey bee) mates with a queen bee, its abdomen is ripped open during copulation and it dies soon after.

46. The word “pornography” is from the Greek pornographos—from porne = “prostitute,” which originally meant “bought” or “purchased,” and graphos= “to write.”

47. Formicophilia is the sexual interest of small insects or worms crawling over one’s body.

48. Contrary to popular opinion, the word “fuck” is not an acronym for the phrase “Fornication Under Command of the King.” It is a very old word that is hard to trace because the editors of the initial Oxford English Dictionary considered the word taboo in 1893. It may have a Scandinavian origin, similar to the Norwegian word fukka, meaning to “copulate,” or the Swedish foka, meaning “to copulate, strike, push,” or fock, meaning “penis.”

49. Sex hasn’t always been associated with sin and guilt. Pre-Christian religions often regarded sex as a celebration and as a form of worship. Sex was seen as mirroring the sensual power of the Gods.

50. Roxxy is the world’s first sex robot. It costs between $7,000-9,000. She comes with artificial intelligence and five personalities, and weighs approximately 120 pounds. Customers can customize her features, including breast size, the color of her hair, and her race. A male robot, named Rocky, is also in the works.

1. Other than the genitals and the breasts, the inner nose is the only other body part that routinely swells during intercourse – this is because it is made from the same type of erectile tissue as the penis.

2. Humans aren’t the only species that partake in oral sex; cheetahs, hyenas, and goats all go down too.

3. In 1609, a doctor named Johannes Jacob Wecker reported finding a corpse in Bologna with two penises (a condition called diphallia). Since then, approximately 100 cases of similarly endowed men have been recorded.

4. The sperm of a mouse is longer than the sperm of an elephant.

5. Almost all mammals besides humans (like bears and dogs) actually have a bone in their penis.

6. Despite her three husbands and a parade of famous lovers (including John F. Kennedy, Frank Sinatra and Joe DiMaggio), it was a psychiatrist that finally helped Marilyn Monroe, the most celebrated sex icon of the 20th century, achieve her first orgasm shortly before her death.

7. There is a lot more to the clitoris than meets the eye. It is shaped like a wishbone and is about 3 to 4 1/2 inches long.

8. In 1899 the then President of France, Francois Faure, allegedly died while receiving oral stimulation. When his mademoiselle realized her monsieur was stiff for all the wrong reasons, she panicked, suffered trauma-induced lockjaw, and was rushed to hospital where she had to be pried from the penis of the passed-on President.

9. Male honeybees (Drones) only get to have sex once in their life… they die after mating because the penis and associated abdominal tissues are ripped from their body after intercourse.

10. Apparently when Captain Cook visited the Kingdom of Tonga in 1777, King Fatafehi Paulah had been busy fulfilling what he believed to be his ‘royal duty’ of taking the virginity of every woman in his kingdom. It is estimated that he deflowered 37,800 during his lifetime and never slept with the same woman twice.

11. Exhaustive research published by Johnson & Johnson found that the average time between penetration and male orgasm is 7.3 minutes – this involved 1,587 couples having stopwatch-timed sex.

12. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

13. The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this dilemma, the male instead pierces females with his hypodermic genitalia and ejaculates into the body cavity.

14. Lipstick is rumored to have been invented in the Egyptian times for women who wanted their lips to look more inviting – apparently red lips resemble the vagina of a wanton woman anxious for sexual fulfilment…

15. The clitoris is the only organ in the human body that has just one purpose – pleasure.