Umm... for Mr. Alex and all you out there, I just want you to know that I wrote this fic a long time ago. I just separated it by chapters and posted it one by one (Chapter 6's the last and incomplete chapter so far). Sorry for the wrong sides of it. Gomen ne. And Mr. Alex, Nash used the word mega as if just acting like his teacher. Arigatou and gomen nasai. And Mr. Alex, arigatou for continuing in reading my fic.

Alex chapter 5 . 11/19/2001

Erm, you're getting better in fleshing out the characters a bit more. But... I guess I'm not a fan of sexual humor. It sounded rather forced, like you were trying to instill some sort of romance into the whole situation (*shudder* that's incest, you know). *shrug* And since when did Nash start using the word "mega?"

Guest chapter 3 . 10/19/2001

Your story is very vague, undetailed, and too... I don't know... unmeaty. I mean, the characters sound like drones, especially Hiro. "Lucia died"

Everyone else: "Oooh man... she died." "Jean felt dizzy, Ronfar tried healing, he didn't succeed." "Leo goes to find Jessica (!) who is better for some odd reason." "Jean is sick about to die." ... You really should try to emblish it more, because it's undetailed... and well... boring. The idea for the plot is good... but the story itself... it's like 1-dimensional.

Crescent Lancer chapter 1 . 10/18/2001

Im confused.

Alex chapter 1 . 10/12/2001

Well... you killed one of the original characters right at the start (which does not bode well in my opinion... but it's just my opinion -_-). I just had this theory that if you're going to kill one of the orignal characters, you're going to need a damn good reason. Anyway, there's some interesting potential for the story. It might help if tried to "show not tell." Mostly, when someone dies grief probably extends to more than a single sentence. Speaking of which, how did Hiro get back to Lunar? Wasn't he up there with Lucia? Or are you going to explain that later too? But all and all, this is looking to become a "continuation" fic. Since you've got another chapter in the works, that suggests that it'll probably pick up soon enough. Your grammar isn't bad at all. Good luck. Oh, and please don't be discouraged by me. I'm not a nice person -_- I assure you, there's at least one person out there who sees more potential in you than I do so take care and strive to be better.