If I've learned nothing else about men, women and in-laws (so to speak), it's that your partner has to stand up to their family when they do something offensive and you have to stand up to yours when they're offensive to your partner. If you try to fight the in-laws, they take your partner's silence as quiet approval of their actions.

I'd say talk to your bf and explain that if he doesn't disagree with his father, he needs to be honest about it now rather than later. Main phrase to remember: don't waste my time or yours. If you remind your partner that they lose time when they waste it lying to you, they'll remember that it's about them, too.

I'd also explain that even though he is unwilling to stand up to his father on his own behalf, you are not him, and you deserve to be defended. While it's not your job to educate his father, who is is desperate need of it, it is your job to remember that you don't need to take crap from anyone. I don't care who it is, you're too old to deal with other people's mental issues. Tell bf that there's no future for the two of you if he can't stand up for you now, because I really don't think you want to deal with it once you're married and there's more at stake than just hurt feelings. Remember, everything you see now is just a precursory glimpse into your future together. Can you stand 30 years of this?

I went to Vegas w/ Shermy's parents and him. Things were pretty good, though if you are a regular to this thread, you know that Shermy and I are full o' drama with ex girlfriends and other things.

Here's a new story for you guys and I appreciate feedback.

Let me preface this story by telling you all (in case you don't know) I am half Japanese, my mother is a Japanese citizen who lives in Japan.

Things in Vegas went well... we had a good time and his parents were very generous to me and took me on a nice trip. Yes, we had our moments both annoying (but not so bad) and very good.

On the way home from the airport yesterday, we were talking about Kobe beef and how good it is. I explained why it is so good and how it is unique to Japan. His father then went on to say "Japan has nothing, no oil, nothing". I said, "Actually, while their main natural resource is the fishing industry, what is interesting is that for an island nation with limited natural resources, they continue to be an economic force. In fact, they are one of the only island nations that is self-sustaining" (thank you, 9th grade social studies).

His reply to this was that Japanese people are not creative and do not make anything on their own, just take existing ideas and build on them and so ... "Japanese people are not smart" and "not nice" (the nice comment, apropos of nothing).

Now, I can take a racist slam. Really, I can. I don't like it and I think it is stupid, but ... I can take it. My concern was that my b.f. didn't say anything.

When I confronted him, he basically said "Everyone is entitled to their opinion and you just shouldn't listen to it" and that I overreact about everything. This led to a big argument and well ... hence the unsureness of the situation.

Am I overreacting? Obviously you all don't know that there have been many problems leading up to this particular issue, but on this issue alone, am I overreacting?

first id like to basically back up what everyone else said...i mean just as a general demographic, most lsdrs have apparently an adequate amount of common sense, hopefully.

i think if that ever happened to me, id prolly be sitting the dumbfounded and thinking wtf is happening? at this day and age? and wheres my backup? heh heh id prolly consider what this shermy fellow thinks himself though as in how he treats u and his personally feelings towards ur heritage...because hes been raised by his father and obviously that leaves a great impression on who he is all that jazz...

however his silence is problematic in that he doesnt seem to take offense to it, neither for u in terms of ur mothers origin, and for u in terms of a person...his dad basically insulted u and he took it, not standing up for in both instances. thats pretty weak considering ur supposed to have a strong relationship..my advice would be to talk to this @$$hole =) known as shermy and either make him see ur perspective and how he hurt u and to tell him to respect u and stand up for u whenever (any any anyone - family included) insults u to ur face. the reason ignorant people remain ignorant is because they dont get all the information or theyre just too old and the letting them be is one thing but allowing them walk all over u is another.