According to Australian Screen curator, Tammy Burnstock, Heartbreak High was based on a stage play written by Robert Barrett, first published in 1988, which was adapted into the successful film The Heartbreak Kid (1993), starring Alex Dimitriades and Claudia Karvan. The 1993 film set out to be diverse and capture the ‘melting-pot’ Australia that, at the time, wasn’t being portrayed in shows like Neighbours or Home and Away. According to producer Ben Gannon (who would go on to become executive producer of Heartbreak High): “The Heartbreak Kid was presenting a world that we didn’t think was widely known outside of Australia; a multi-racial, urban, more ‘gritty’ high school. Up until Heartbreak, we didn’t feel that had ever been properly represented on film or television.”

This need for multiculturalism translated into the Hartley High inner city school setting; Heartbreak High not only offered seven seasons of diverse casting, but also explored racial tensions within the school setting. The pilot episode centered on character Rivers (Scott Major) repeatedly goading new student Jack Tran (Tai Nguyen), resulting in an after-school brawl.

We at No Award have little to contribute to the subject of Ferguson and the murder of Michael Brown, being Australian and not black. We would mostly like to see our fellow Aussies being less smug about that “never happening hear”. Guys, Australian cops have a long history of killing black children, and also black adults. The only difference is, they’re less heavily armed over here, so they have to arrest you first.

Watching the events in Ferguson unfold raises similar questions about Australia’s own legal system. The parallel is immediately drawn with the failure to secure a conviction in the case of 36-year-old Cameron Mulrunji Doomadgee, who died in a Palm Island lockup over 10 years ago.

Mulrunji was picked up for singing “Who let the dogs out” at a police officer, Chris Hurley, who drove past him in the street. He was charged with public nuisance. He had been in police custody for only an hour when he died. An autopsy revealed four broken ribs, which had ruptured his liver and spleen.

Hurley was indicted for assault and manslaughter but acquitted in 2007. He is the only person ever charged over a death in custody of an Aboriginal person in Australia.

Keighery is hearing, and had major qualms about writing a deaf protagonist. ‘The more I researched deaf experience, particularly the politics, the more worried I became. At times, it seemed an impossible task to represent such complexity. But I discussed these terrors with people whose opinions I respect. My sister told me it was good and correct that I felt fear, since it showed a healthy respect for the topic I was going to tackle.

(This strikes Liz as being good advice for any author writing about a culture or identity they have not lived for themselves.)

“This probably is a time when you can start creating things which you call your own, things which for the next 20 to 50 years you say, ‘This is Australian.’

“Here you are losing a chance and you’re spending so much money and you say that nothing is ours.”

In Australia we have the cultural cringe, the idea that we have no culture or that Australian culture is all bush and damper and diggers and jillaroos. How can we define culture? Is an emphasis on multicultural cuisine a culture?

Eating multiculturalism by Cher Tan, at Peril Mag (a favourite of Steph’s), on what multiculturalism means in Australia (and another favourite of Steph’s the idea that Australia is multicultural because we love food whilst hating everything else).

What’s Love Got To Do With It? The excellent Carly Findlay confronts the popular and dangerous idea that chronic illness — particularly autoimmune disease — is caused by self-hatred. Liz has multiple autoimmune diseases AND a massive ego. Take that, dodgy unscience!

Hi No Award. Steph, in conjunction with No Award contributor Ash, want you to listen to some things this morning. We’re not saying it’s important that Play School have some influence on your life as an Australian, but as children we loved it, and as an adult Steph adores Jay Laga’aia.

Noni sings Five Grey Elephants; Stephanie wants to be a puppeteer (age 4)

The Ning Nang Nong is a lot creepier than Steph remembers (stand by for another post on this important ecological feature)

Galumphing Frogs (children all over Australia sing about the noise frogs make when you step on them)

Noni reads Go the Fuck to Sleep

Not a song, but very important. Noni, beloved of many members of Gen Y (and Team No Award) due to her years on Play School, a and well-known potty-mouth, was commissioned by Text Publishing to do a reading of this classic, and it’s so perfect. Her face still brings comfort and the knowledge that something amazing is about to happen.

And to round us out, the GREATEST THING EVER: Simon and Noni and Humpty and Max and Morris in Humpty Dumpty the Opera. Steph doesn’t remember this at all, unlike the other pieces, but prepare to want to watch it twice.

The sobering reality of actual black nerd problems, over at Black Nerd Problems, discusses violence against black men, cosplay, and perception. It is unusually US-centric for No Award, but we’re all about perception and intersections and this one time a brown male friend of Steph’s was stopped in the Perth CBD by coppers because he was running with bags (they held laptops, and he missed his bus). We still laughingly refer to that as the time B was stopped for running while brown, but the laughter is mostly to stop the anger.

Here’s more: Australia left to cringe once more at a leader’s awkward moment. The article is self-explanatory, but we at No Award would like to take a moment to question the policy of international bonding via koalas. Did you know that 80% of koalas have chlamydia? This causes urinary tract infections, which makes their practice of pissing on any human unwise enough to hold one even grosser. And they’re high all the time on eucalyptus leaves. Is that really a message President Obama wants to send the world? What is the political subtext of handing foreign leaders koalas? How has nobody declared war over this yet?

Finally, over at the Guardian (of course), local activist, feminist and columnist Van Badham (of course!) lists 10 things we learned at the G20, from the importance of sunscreen to which bra you should wear while protesting climate change.

(No Award notes that it believes in koala conservation and not destroying koala habitats. They should be left to flourish and be disgusting in peace.)

The dude on Today wore the same suit for a year and is now talking about sexism and how he’s judged on his performance and his lady cohosts aren’t. It’s a small thing in many ways, but a good example of a white dude using his white dude privilege for good.

Steph doesn’t want to sound judgy, but there’s a Buddhist school in Daylesford and everyone interviewed in regards to the school has a name that isn’t traditionally associated with Buddhism. Although here at No Award we respect the right of people of all ethnicities to do all things, we have a healthy suspicion of white people co-opting Asian things.

(Someone recently described Daylesford to Liz as the natural habitat of middle-aged, upper middle-class white hippies. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! It’s just not a demographic known for being thoughtful about its appropriative practices.)

The Swisse Color Run is a commercial event, which chooses to support charities. As a for-profit event we are proud to give back to the local community, something we do not have to do, but we choose to do.

What copyeditor allowed ‘choose’ to feature in two sentences in a row? A copyeditor who was overruled, that’s who.

The Color Run is neither a charity nor a non-profit organization. The Color Run is a “for profit” event management company and our number one goal is to produce high quality events.

Basically, a trans kid in Australia who wants to transition needs to have their case examined by a panel of experts, and then the Family Court has the final say. Liz has transcribed a lot of these cases, and while it’s not an adversarial process, and the judges are generally quite sensitive to these children’s needs and gender identities, it’s still a load of stress that can probably be avoided. So well done Bryant CJ for pointing out that the court probably doesn’t need to be involved at all.

There are fault lines in Australia that we know have always run through its sociopolitical crust that can’t be suppressed. A history of shameful, despicable seasons: the White Australia policy, the Stolen Generations, equating Aborigines with flora and fauna, the Children Overboard scandal, the Cronulla Riots, the horrific treatment of “queue-jumping” asylum seekers that gets worse. “Go back to where you came from!” you hear some shriek like harpies. “This is ’Straya, not Muslimania!”

We at No Award have watched the unfolding of the Winterfox/Requires Hate/Benjanun Sriduangkaew saga with interest, having been aware of that individual and her, uh, works, for some time. (Liz was a lurker in the 50 Books POC debacle, and found herself frequently agreeing with RH’s reviews while also avoiding them because RH’s abusive language was a major anxiety trigger; Stephanie has been known to nope out of situations involving RH, despite also frequently agreeing with RH’s reviews) This detailed post outlines both RH’s behaviour under various pseudonyms and her more recent actions under the Benjanun Sriduangkaew persona, and offers stark proof that RH particularly targeted fellow women of colour for abuse. (Screencaps include racist, transphobic and abusive language.)

Who Killed the Cup Day Billy Cart Derby? Steph has friends who live on this street and used to make falafel to sell, and is having a lot of feelings about the Melbourneness of this article and the importance of this bit:

When asked if there is a moral to the story, one organiser simply said: “Get more things like this happening. Don’t rely on other people to produce an event. Do one yourself. There could be thousands of ***** street derbies, it could be an underground movement. If people are that keen to follow it then start more. All you need is four wheels, a piece of wood and a plank and you’re off.

Liz and Steph gave serious considering to buying this before we eventually concluded it would be impractical to move, store and restore. But if you’re wondering what to get the social justice blogger/infrastructure nerd in your life for Christmas…

In No Award news, Stephanie accidentally wrote a really popular parody on the internet with Hayley Inch (OZTEN: Pride and Prejudice for Aussies), and Liz announced she’s editing an anthology (Companion Piece: women celebrate the humans, aliens and tin dogs of Doctor Who). And Liz and Stephanie are BOTH appearing in FableCroft’s Cranky Ladies of History, an anthology of short fiction about historical women with no time for nonsense.

In which a person, male, attaches himself to a more-talented person, female, and treats her badly while claiming both credit for her work and the associated rewards. This is interesting, not for the intrinsic quality of the art — which is, um, debatable — but for the satisfaction of Margaret Keane’s eventual triumph.

(Bonus! The comments featuring guys going, “Name one occasion on which a man has taken credit for a woman’s work,” and getting dozens of verifiable cases in response. Note: this does not make reading the comments in any way worthwhile.)

When production reaches a saturation point, the desire to pursue ‘authenticity’ is rehashed to the point of becoming the norm. But in the developed world, is the quest for an ever-changing authenticity evidence of the romanticisation of having less?

Yes. Perfect.

SECRET BOOKS: Melbourne’s hidden libraries. Stephanie, being the unrepentant urban hipster that she is, wants to create a library in the vestibule of her apartment building (which is a refurbed factory in Fitzroy).

Stephanie is also pretty chuffed about this: Proposal to curb car traffic in Brunswick Street in favour of pedestrians. High density in Fitzroy. No cars on Brunswick Street! The no bikes thing is fine as well, cos bikes can use Napier street. Yes, thank you. Recently Stephanie took the opportunity to submit to the City of Yarra Local Traffic Management Survey. You better believe she had some things to say about the lack of bike parking and bike lanes in certain areas.

And some people who spoke about Gough at his funeral: Cate Blanchett, who gave a killer, lovely leftie speech and made Tone a bit awks; Noel Pearson, talking about discrimination.

If there were no Racial Discrimination Act that would have been the end of it. Land rights would have been dead, there would never have been a Mabo case in 1992, there would have been no Native Title Act under Prime Minister Keating in 1993.

Without this old man the land and human rights of our people would never have seen the light of day.

There would never have been Mabo and its importance to the history of Australia would have been lost without the Whitlam program.

Only those who have known discrimination truly know its evil.

Only those who have never experienced prejudice can discount the importance of the Racial Discrimination Act.

This old man was one of those rare people who never suffered discrimination but understood the importance of protection from its malice.

Queen of the Damned was filmed in Melbourne; 3000 Melbourne goths (and Canberran goths) were bussed out to Werribee to film the concert scene; the vampire bar was a derelict bar in Docklands built specially for the purpose. So hilarious. So amazing.

Claudia Black is in the movie for about 2 minutes. So much opportunity lost. So much amazingness.

Australian movies that would have been improved by the inclusion of vampire Claudia Black:

Queen of the Damned (2002)

Pandora, about whom Anne Rice has written an entire book (AND WHO ACTUALLY SURVIVES THE ORIGINAL BOOK), appears earlier and more frequently. When Akasha turns up in the vampire house with lots of open doorways to the outside, she lets Vampire Matthew Newton go first and as a result doesn’t die, and we all rejoice because Vampire Matthew Newton is a dickhead. VCB helps Jesse through the change and continues to mentor her, with her eternal lesbian relationship with Lena Olin. Her BFF through time, Marius, leaves to go torment the Eighth Doctor. Bruce Spence hangs out.

Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)

Miranda wants to become a vampire because she loves Vampire Claudia Black so much. VCB is less enamoured of Miranda; instead, takes her back to the school. Sets all the girls free from the tyranny of early twentieth century Australia. The girls create a vampire collective in the school and kill all the men.

Strictly Ballroom (1992)

Fran is a great dancer, cos her awesome Auntie Vampire Claudia Black has taken the time and patience to really inspire her, unlike her jerkface dad. At no point does Mr Bill Hunter convince Scott to dance with Liz instead of Fran, and they go to the Pan Pacs. In the interim, Auntie VCB teaches Scott to be more respectful and Fran to be more fierce. When Charm Leachman cuts the music, Auntie VCB puts the music back and then eats Charm Leachman.

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994)

Vampire Claudia Black prevents the really racist bits from happening, because she eats Bill Hunter and whisks Cynthia away to have an excellent, fufilling life not filled with racial stereotypes. In the absence of Bill Hunter, VCB saves Guy Pearce from the homophobes, eats them. She and Cynthia do the makeup for the drag show, because VCB loves the desert lights. Everybody goes back to Sydney and has a grand old time.

Muriel’s Wedding (1994)

Vampire Claudia Black kills Bill Hunter; makes sure his assets make their way to his family; Muriel still marries that dude and it all ends the same way because it’s a movie about dreams and failure and oneself, and some things remain true about Australia.

The Wiggles Movie (1997)

Nobody makes any ridiculous messes and she teaches Dorothy the Dinosaur to stop being so fucking culturally appropriative.

Wolf Creek (2005)

Vampire Claudia Break eats John Jarratt; fixes the car; torches the camp. She takes the rottweiler and they keep killing gross white Australian men together.

The Sapphires (2012)

Vampire Claudia Black gets rid of that white dude; she supports the Sapphires in getting to Vietnam and everything is all good. The US release DVD cover isn’t white-washed and focused on the non-Indigenous Australian person.

Bonus Australian TV

Vampire Claudia Black reads books to Little Ted on Play School. Her favourite co-presenters are Noni, Benita, and Jay Laga’aia, because she’s hot and she recognises awesomeness and hotness.

Special mention to the show that never existed but always will in our hearts, The Claudia Black Hotness and Variety Hour; and to Stargate SG1, which Claudia Black breathed life into for an extra two seasons through the power of her hotness.