What I Really Do at Work

I spend ten hours in the office. Yes, not 8, but 10! From 7am to 5pm, I’m sitting in the same chair, in front of the same desk and the same screen. I’ve watched a number of work-setting dramas where new girl drowns in tasks for an upcoming project-slash-event the moment she comes in, story-worthy drinking night-outs, and an amazingly hot boss that always manages to save the day. Sad to break it to you, none of that is true. For my case at least, the corporate world is not as glamorous–or dramatic–as I thought it would be. It’s just, to describe it in a word, mundane. My day mostly consists of initiating staring contests with my desktop. Spoiler: the computer always wins.

Some Japanese doctor-researcher-scientifically-inclined-human-bean said that people of blood type A are restless perfectionists that grow up to be workaholics, so I’m blaming whoever that is for how I’m feeling about what I’m now doing at my first job. (Or lack thereof.) Because on most days, I only go to work to pretend to work. The 7-to-5 hours are as long as watching Sleeping Beauty. In real-time. No fast forwards. When she was snoring soundly on her bed. And it drives me nuts! Like when is the dragon coming? Where is the significant something I should be working at for the plot’s climax? My life’s peak point?

My colleagues don’t seem to be bothered at all with the lax and free time. From what I see, they love the flexibility. Who wouldn’t? (Me.) The inner voice inside me is telling me I should be happy because I’m being paid for doing the same thing as I would if I was bumming out at home: on the bed, glued to my laptop. But there’s only much you can do (and much inspiration you can take in) in a very confined space. I used to try and work on my passion projects in the office—all the while hiding it from the CCTV behind me—but the desaturated walls and interiors drain everything out of my already dark soul. It’s just not the same!

All this free time has got me questioning a lot of things: life, purpose, dreams. Is this what those 5 years of almost dying in college is for? I know I might regret these thoughts once I’m busy and needing to stay overtime, but as far as I’ve lived, being unoccupied makes me a very emotional and fragile Pisces! (cues in Belle’s choreography of “There must be more than this provincial /working/ life!”) And I know there is more. But for the mean time, I suck it up. I try to keep my sanity intact by reading articles on the web instead. It kills time and keeps my mind running. Anything to keep me from becoming a cyclic machine! And if you’re up to reading (I swear they’re worth it!), I’m linking my favorites down below. Maybe save them for when you’re stuck in the office too. If Belle’s living in the internet age, she would’ve done the same. So while I wait for my prince disguised as a beast to come save me (or a new office project), this girl’s gotta do what a (broke) girl’s gotta do: work. Even when that sometimes means to pretend to work.