But, truth be told, I was faking it. I was pretending that things that
didn’t make sense made sense, that things that didn’t feel right felt
right. To others, I appeared confident and in control, but faith felt
as far away as a friend who has grown distant and cold.

Now every day is a risk … but the view is better, and, for the first
time in a long time, I am fully engaged in my faith.

When asked which command was the greatest, Jesus said:

'You
shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all
your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first
commandment.

[Matthew 22:37-38][1],
New Revised Standard Version

I take this to mean that God does not want us to check our brains in at
the door. He demands our whole mind. That includes the part that asks
questions, the part that thinks rationally. He wants our whole heart.
That includes the part that hurts when people suffer and cries when he
realizes he was part of the problem. We must ask the hard questions, use
the brains he gave us to make sense of this world, and use the talents
he gave us to change the parts of the world that make no sense.