Thursday, July 31, 2008

I was just as saddened as the next person to hear about Estelle Getty's passing last week. I celebrated her life by calling my grandmother up and telling her how much I love her using the Blue Iris soundboard.

These ladies went a different route and held their own private "Golden Girls" memorial luau. Hey, we all grieve in different ways.

When Estelle's in heaven, I'm sure this guy is providing the party music, and later giving her the pounding she always wanted:

Monday, July 28, 2008

My mom wasn't sure who my father was, so I was raised by the two most likely candidates after she died. They were totally an odd-couple, one was a weed addict and the other was a beer addict. What a wild ride!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Gay guys are cool because they're really frank and honest about what they're all about. Like if they're a pig and into nasty stuff, they're going to get a tattoo that says "SEX PIG" so you know what you're getting. Straight people are all secretive about it - bet you didn't guess that R. Kelly wanted to pee on you until you were getting that warm stream in your face, right?

These naughty fellas even have a sign to let you know when it's your turn.

This guy's "SEX PIG" tattoo won't be so funny to Mr. Umbrella Hat when he's getting poop rubbed in his face.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Sometimes, you'll find yourself in an awkward moment at a party where you don't really have any one to talk to. When this happens, I recommend you give a little impromptu demonstration of how you perform oral sex. It will make people instantly like you, and it also solves the problem of what to do with your hands.

The combination of a collapsible camping chairs indoors, red plastic cups, and cans of Keystone beer means the evening could go a limited number of ways. The most likely way would be a bunch of frat guys getting drunk. The less likely option would be a girl getting completely naked by herself. I'm not sure what magic fairy dust made it go this way.

Monday, July 14, 2008

This blog is getting dangerously close to being renamed "Sorry I Passed Out at Your Party" (see previous examples). But when someone just sent me this picture of his friend passed out in full Kiss makeup, I couldn't resist.

The giant puff of smoke emitting from this guy reminds me of a video clip of Rastas smoking weed that Brendan wrote about recently. As he described the clip, "I think there might actually be more smoke coming from the pipe than smoke coming from a rocket ship launching."

This guy doesn't live up to epic natty dread mushroom clouds, but I'm curious why his shirt is so wet.

Friday, July 11, 2008

This is pretty much what I look like when I'm sitting around looking at people's Flickr party pictures. Except instead of a lively young girl surrounded by her attractive friends, imagine a scraggly loner crying, cutting, and trawling the internet for pictures of people puking.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

It's nice to see some people doing it right. Plus, the fact that they wrote "gaywad" on his stomach is an added bonus. That's got to be one of my favorite insults. Anything with -wad on the end, really. Jerkwad, asswad, dickwad. I don't really want to be around anyone who deserves an insult I didn't know in elementary school.

Monday, July 7, 2008

If you're a huge skinhead, a cool way to celebrate the 4th of July is to wrestling a much smaller guy in a tie-dye shirt. It represents the idealistic struggles while writing the Declaration of Independence between Thomas Jefferson and John Adams in the hit movie 1776.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

I don't want to harsh on the USA so soon after the 4th of July, but this is exactly what people mean when they talk about how the lower drinking age and wine culture in Europe means they have a much more mature attitude about drinking. The French might give their kids wine at dinner, but they don't binge drink. Us Americans, we package wine in a box by the liter, and then still can't get it fast enough, so we have to squeeze it straight out of the bag into our mouths. Croissandwich, anyone?

This photo is of our nation's brightest law students at a party. Sorry to be the one to break it to you, Francois, but these colors DO NOT RUN.

(Thanks for the photo, Richard)

If you're feeling a little ashamed of our nation's juvenile and troubled relationship with alcohol, please check out www.partyretard.com. It's a site of all party pictures from Hungarian nightclubs, where it looks like a nightmarish version of Jersey shore guidos.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Honestly, of all the party pictures I've ever posted, this is the one that I really really wish I hadn't missed this party. What you are looking at is pretty much the most ideal moment that a human could ever strive for.

1. Keg2. Pool

Those are the only two things you need to transcend your mortal coil. There's just something about being drunk in a pool on the 4th of July that makes your heart want to burst with happiness. I was lucky enough to spend two 4ths in a pool with my friends Sara, Morgan, and Neal, and it was heaven.

It's important to have your friends at a party warn you when you're about to meet a guy they know is sketchy. Look at the girl with the necklace try to give a signal to her friend. I wish she would be around me all the time like a guardian angel, just flashing the "sheeeeeeeeesh" face whenever I do something really retarded.

Friday, July 4, 2008

What can I say? I love the 4th of July! I love BBQs, I love drinking beer in the afternoon, I love stickin' it to the English, I love freedom.

The 4th of July is the opposite of other holidays like Christmas or Halloween where there's a lot expected of you. You're expected to buy presents, or you're expected to have a snazzy costume. The 4th of July only asks that you show up and get totally relaxed. It's an big eating holiday, but unlike Thanksgiving, the most complicated cooking involved is placing a burger onto the grill and then taking it off the grill.

So to put you in the USA loving mood, please consider these 4th of July parties from years past that you missed: