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July 30, 2010

Some days, I really want to give someone a piece of my mind. And today, I'm particularly fired up. Since I can't say what I'm actually wanting to, I'm instead doing the more rational approach and releasing that frustration out into the Internet for all to see. And since it's a half day, and I'm rushing to the airport, I decided to share something that pretty much summed up everything I'm feeling in the moment. Don't worry, I'm working on my own list as well. Guys, feel free to chime in. Maybe we'll save some headaches and heartaches for our friends who ARE on the market.

Straight from Single-ish, here's "24 Things Single Women Wish We Could Tell Men (To Make Dating Easier for Everyone):"

Do you ever wish you could have the undivided attention of every single man on this planet? So you could set the record straight about who we really are and what we want? Well, I’m going to make an attempt here…without the male attention, of course. Hopefully it doesn't sound too harsh. This list looks like it was written for guys, but I hope that when you read it, you will relate to what I’m saying, and that it will make you either laugh, learn, or love being you....

1. Every woman could use one compliment a day.

2. We'd rather you didn't say, “I’ll call you” if you really mean “goodbye.” Just don’t say anything—we won’t think you’re a jerk as we part ways for the night. And you know the saying that goes, “It’s better to under-promise and over-deliver”? How about, just don’t promise anything and don’t deliver anything.

3. Most of us are not crazy or psycho. We can be emotional and hormonal.

4. If we catch you glancing at our chest when you’re a foot away, we’ll think you’re rude and have no willpower. You can look, but from a distance.

5. Even the most confident among us can act needy and insecure at times. It happens when you start pulling away and we’re not aware that that's what you're doing, only that you’re acting funny. But oh, you should see how cool and independent most of us are when we’re not dating someone.

6. Tampon commercials are silly, but don’t complain about having to watch them. Try having to use them—tampons, I mean—for most of your life. When you complain, it makes you look insensitive. And weak. We have no sympathy.

7. Please don’t yell when you think we’re driving poorly, especially if we’re from the west coast and we’ve never seen a rotary before. Just give us advice, help, or moral support. (P.S. If you stomp your foot on the ground because you think we should brake, well, it's just funny. We will brake if/when we need to.)

8. If you text, “Hows ur week goin?” we can either reply “good” and risk sounding curt (see #16) or we can send you a 400-word document. Don’t put us in this position. Just don’t text open-ended questions.

9. Texting a girl twice a week does not count as staying in contact. It’s meaningless and a waste of everyone’s time. Let her go.

10. Booty texts: weak.

11. If you’re a mama’s boy and you’re looking for a wife, think about it: what woman wants to be #2? Consider setting boundaries and work on establishing some independence. You and your mom can have a loving relationship without being co-dependent.

12. After you do something bad, it would be so much better if you called us right away to apologize. You think it’s best to wait a few days while we cool off, but what’s cooling off is our feelings for you. Man up. The sooner the better.

13. The reason we’re up in your grill about what time you’re coming over, and the reason we’re so good at communicating our own whereabouts, is that since the beginning of time our parents were making us report back to them about where we were and when we’d be home. Most of the girls I knew, including my sister and I, didn’t have the freedom the boys in our neighborhood had. Then in college, out of habit, we always told our roommates when we would be home (especially if we went to school in a bad neighborhood), and they did the same. So that’s why we’re like that. We’ve been under tight surveillance since birth and it took a lot of work just to be allowed (FINALLY) to ride our bikes un-chaperoned to the movie theater. Now we’re trained. If you don’t like that we’re this way, take it up with our parents.

17. If we say we’re babysitting for a friend, we did not say we want to have a baby now and that we want you to be the dad. “I’m babysitting” simply means, “I’m busy being a good friend.” You are paranoid and it’s embarrassing.

18. Stop talking about marrying us until you actually give one of us a ring.

19. Please be aware of how serious and in love you sound. Just say, “I like you,” not, “Let’s fly to Miami next month.” (I thought guys were supposed to be direct.) Sure, it sounds cooler (and less vulnerable) to talk a big game about Miami, but come next month, you won't remember saying anything about Miami.

21. If a girl has pretty eyes, she has probably heard men tell her that five thousand times. It’s fine to repeat the compliment, but you’ll make a much bigger impression if you find something else to compliment.

22. As far as having children goes, you have the luxury of time. Appreciate it.

23. Taking us for granted is probably the worst thing you could do after cheating and lying. Since women are very good at appreciating each other, your behavior looks kinda selfish to us.

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“[T]he most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
-Sex and the City-