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Kids will 'test the nest'...

“How did you raise us to be like we are?”

Heidi was driving with Aly after a Saturday Night service at
our church last weekend and floated this question to her mother.She was obviously thinking about her desires
and her satisfactions and comparing notes with her peers.This has been going on way more in the last
year (really with all our girls).As
they get older, they start to test their wings, but here’s the thing, they also
start to test their ‘nest’.Here’s what
I mean.

As they launch out into the big world and bounce their life
off people and rub shoulders with their backgrounds and values and decisions
and desires, they begin to wonder about their own.What makes us do that?Why do we pray at dinner?Why do we laugh together at night?Why don’t you let us do that?Why are we so physically affectionate…where
did that come from? Why do you ask us those questions?Why don’t I feel like I hate being home?Why are we in ministry?Why do you apologize to us when you’re
wrong?Why do you share your weaknesses
with us?Why don’t we spend money on
that, why do we give so much money to the church?

Why are we the way we
are?

Testing the nest will happen for every child.They will either find their home to be a safe
place to be themselves, or they will find somewhere else to be a safe place to
be themselves.They will discover
integrity or duplicity.They will
uncover secrets or treasures.They will
feel they are valued or tolerated.They
will see their parents for who they truly are, flawed humans, who are either
cover-ups or grown-ups, either apologizing or rationalizing.They will respect the consistency of
convictions or disrespect the moving target of moral absolutes.They will come to see that ‘no’ is just as
loving as ‘yes’, sometimes more so.They
will see whether mom and dad are really together in this thing.They will see who is checked out and who is
dialed in.They will notice slipping or
solid standards as time passes.They
will come to trust when something is said, or mistrust words that aren’t backed
up with action.They will see whether
God is a lucky rabbit’s foot or the center of every single action and
reaction.They will see whether church
is a social club or an indispensable community.They will ‘test the nest’.

So when Heidi asked Aly what she meant when asking, “How did
you raise us to be like we are?” she responded by saying, “How did you do it?Why do we love going to church and why do we
want to follow and please God?Why do we
love being with you and being home with our family?”I think there was something about seeing me
preach that night for the first time in 14 weeks after a restful sabbatical
that stirred up something inside her.She was feeling so emotionally excited about her life and she knew that
was abnormal.She loved her life and as she
scrolls through her Instragram account she can see so many of her friends
posting about how much they hate their life, or their homes, or their parents,
or their friends, or their boyfriends.She was simply wondering, “Why do I not feel that way?What did you guys do to make it so I don’t
feel what seems to be the prevailing mood of so many?”

In humble honesty, I don’t know all the answers to that
question.We haven’t been perfect, that’s
for sure.We make mistakes and failed in
front of them.But I think that’s just
it, we fail in front of them and aren’t afraid to admit it and say sorry.We know we’re flawed and our kids aren’t awed
by us.We are with them in this confusing,
scary thing called life.We are trying
to stay present in every season of their lives wherever their hormones and
estrogen levels take them.We celebrate
their wins and (don’t hate me) celebrate their losses.That’s right, we think it’s really good for
them to lose and to learn to lose well without it dismantling them.We cry with them when they’re hurt and we
laugh with them when things are really funny.We talk about God seamlessly in conversation as if He is right there
with us.We get mad when things don’t go
well and are glad when things go swimmingly.We are human…and yet we want to be like Jesus especially when we’re
struggling to be.That is our goal, as
lofty as it may be.He is our example
and our hero.We fail forward, falling
toward Him--needing his mercy.We live
grateful for grace that fill in the gaps we can’t help but leave in our
parenting.And maybe, just maybe, that’s
what Aly is beginning to see.Who knows?

All I know is that I love that our girls are beginning to “test
the nest” as they “test their wings”.I
can only hope that we will continue to live in such a way that it breeds
freedom in their spirit and love in their heart.I want them to love people and love God with
all their beings…and it is my hope that we will show them how crazy, messy, and
rewarding that kind of life really is.

At this point in my life I’m trying to go “a step a second”,
not “a mile a minute”.If I can honor God
with each step, the miles will accumulate.Staying in step with the Spirit moment by moment, day by day, week by
week, month by month, and then, year by year…until finally I see my Father face
to face and he says, “Well done.You
were good and faithful.Enter into my
joy.”Oh, how I long for that day!