Characteristics

SUMMARY

“It’s officially over; nepotism is dead” complains one distressed father who
comes from a “family of Etonians” as he laments that his youngest son (of
three) hasn’t passed the entrance exam. For some this new beat to the old tune
is an upsetting moment, for others it smells of sweet meritocracy. “We do not
want to be a finishing school for the titled and the rich”, declares Headman
Tony Little, and today’s Eton is far from that. The school still provides the
best education money can buy. It may not be handed on a plate to the same
types of people that it did a generation ago, but the outstanding quality of
teaching, the fantastic extra-curricular and the awe-inspiring surroundings
remain the same. Built in 1440 by Henry VI to educate “young men to the
service of the church and state”, Eton is steeped in history. The boys “live
in a rich cultural environment”. Whether one considers the rare manuscripts
and books in the school libraries, the ancient buildings and traditions, the
famous alumni or the bizarre school words and phrases that are still used
today, Eton is a place of culture and heritage. That said, they have state-of-
the-art facilities in every department but not in a way that jars with the
historic landscape. Leaving its footprint in the past, Eton is striving into
the future. The year ahead is an exciting one: Starting in September 2013,
Eton will oversee an initiative that sponsors three boys from disadvantaged
Liverpool backgrounds to spend two years at Eton. September 2014 will see the
launch of Holyport College, a state-funded academy for which Eton will be the
sole educational sponsor. With a mixture of day and boarding pupils, Holyport
will give the less privileged an Eton-style education, sharing sporting
facilities, science initiatives and access to inspiring talks and lectures. At
least 100 of the 500 places will be given to children in care or in danger of
being taken into care. Eton is already one of six schools that sponsor the
London Academy of Excellence, a sixth form college in Newham, London. So it is
not all “me, me, me” with this lot; sigh of relief.

Background and Reputation

Reader, please note, this glowing review should come with a disclaimer: Eton
is not for everyone. There are many boys who have been there and flourished;
most do; there are a few however who get lost in the maelstrom and are left by
the wayside. Some can’t keep up academically, others find it socially
challenging and retreat into themselves. As I say, it’s not for everyone. But
given the opportunity to go there, this editor certainly would. Aside from
Prince William and Harry, eighteen former Prime Ministers and about half of
our present Cabinet, Eton has educated a real eclectic mix of boys from
different nationalities, backgrounds and faiths. Don’t get hung up by that
somewhat chippy and invariably narrow-minded description (usually delivered by
Old Harrovians!) of the ‘arrogant Etonian’. An Eton education doesn’t
automatically mean the army, or the Bar, or 2.3 children living in a Stately
learning to ride, hunt, shoot and fish. Let’s take James Mallinson (a.k.a
Jagdish Das), a Hindu monk living in Himachal Pradesh, and possibly the first
baronet to wear dreadlocks, or his friend Dominic West, the chiselled beauty
starring in the American drama The Wire. Old Etonians end up in a full range
of varied careers. Even a handful of (mostly petty) criminals have passed by
the ‘Burning Bush’ (another inexplicable Eton phrase referring to a lamppost
frequently used as a meeting point) – Darius Guppy, Lord Brockett, Charlie
Mortimer to name a few. “Self-confidence without arrogance, enthusiasm
unfettered by cynicism, perseverance to withstand setbacks and active
tolerance of others” are qualities that Eton hopes to instil in its pupils
and, in our view, they achieve this mission beautifully. Self-assured, polite,
articulate, occasionally self-deprecating (but only through a charming
politeness rather than genuine lack of confidence) and independent-minded is
how we found the present and past pupils we interviewed. All had a good sense
of humour, which is possibly best demonstrated by ‘Eton Style’ – a parody of
the chart topping hit ‘Gangnam Style’ – produced by a number of boys last
year. It includes lyrics about being ‘awkward’ and not being able to talk to
women, “we’re just too shy”. We saw no evidence of that. What this self-
mocking YouTube hit does reveal, however, is the multi-ethnicity of modern day
Eton. It could be mistaken for a Benetton advert and in our books, that’s no
bad thing. If there ever was such a thing as the stereotypical Etonian, it is
of bygone days.

Academic and Exit Results

A*s all round; literally. They have no plans to move to IB, arguing that the
benefit of IB is breadth of education, which they are already able to offer.
A-levels are taught alongside an increasing number of Pre-Us (Pre-university
qualifications that aim to prepare students for higher education with a more
exciting and challenging syllabus than the current A-levels provide). Stellar
results see the vast majority getting into first-choice universities in the UK
and increasingly in the US. Pupils have internal examinations in the
Michaelmas and summer terms that keep them on their toes. The full range of
results used to be published on a pin board, but it is claimed that since
Prince Harry always came so close to the bottom, they no longer publish the
lower half! This could be an urban myth. They aim to “stretch the boundaries
of individual ability” and, in line with this, the boys meet their academic
tutors once a week. Eton is unrivalled in terms of the range of subjects
offered: eleven modern and classic languages housed in state-of-the-art
language schools. The boys have access to an incredibly extensive range of
libraries containing rare books and manuscripts, online resources,
laboratories etc. Special Educational Needs (SEN) is supported by extremely
advanced Learning Centre – an educational psychologist spent over a year
researching before setting it up. They are brilliant during the diagnostic
stages; each new boy sits an ‘F’ test in literacy in his second week of school
and, should any concerns arise, an assessment is arranged and any special
educational needs are supported for as long as necessary.

Sport, Art, Music and Drama

‘Wet bobs’ (rowers), ‘dry bobs’ (cricketers), and of course ‘slack bobs’ (I’ll
leave that up to your imagination) are a few more bizarre terms used in the
Eton vernacular. The sports are superb. Supported by state of the art
facilities, everything is on offer. They have a national standards athletics
stadium and an international standards rowing lake that was the site for the
2012 London Olympics. For those who want to escape the mainstream activities,
there’s always beagling. I have it on high authority that this activity
largely consists of sitting in woods smoking contraband cigarettes and waiting
for some dogs (sorry, ‘hounds’) to sniff around followed by long teas
(“sometimes we’re given beer”) at one of the dutiful parent’s nearby houses.
The Fourth of June (confusingly this is not always held on the 4th June, but
the name marks George III’s birthday) is an upmarket sports day – more a Krug
than scotch eggs kind of affair. The famous ‘Procession of Boats’ has mothers
weeping on the banks of the river as the boys float past singing the Eton
Boating Song (first performed in 1863), raising their oars and tipping their
flower-laden boaters to the parents. Gosh, it really is very romantic. The
Drawing Schools are, though I’m now conscious of over-using superlatives, the
very best we’ve seen. They are a league above most professional studios with
outstanding facilities including not one, but two 3D printing machines. For
those of you who aren’t yet up to speed with what the Dickens 3D printing is,
check it out on TED talks. Music? Again, insanely brilliant with fantastic
practice rooms, recording studios and sound technology suites. Over a thousand
one-to-one music lessons are taught each week and as a result Eton can boast
some highly accomplished musicians. House concerts enable the less confident
or less talented to have a chance at performing. Theatre? Again (this is
getting boring) is unrivalled with around twenty productions being put on each
year, many of which are written, directed and performed by the students.
Acting alumni include Tom Hiddleston, Eddie Redmayne and Dominic West – to
name but the most obvious who are dominating our screens and stages today.

Social and Pastoral

While many boys schools have surrendered their uniforms in favour of the ‘suit
and tie’ look, Eton resolutely hangs on to what outsiders might confuse with a
bizarre amalgamation of black tie and wedding attire. There’s a real knack to
those stiff collars. Archaic traditions live on like the privilege of wearing
your choice of waistcoat if selected for ‘pop’ (that’s a prefect to you and
me; but don’t worry if the Eton ‘lingo’ is confusing you, they’ve generously
dedicated an entire section on their website to an Eton Glossary for those who
need to get up to speed). Eton is a full boy’s boarding school; there are no
day or weekly pupils. During the course of its 400 year history, there has
been the (very) odd case of a Master’s daughters being educated with the boys,
but this is very rare indeed. There are 25 houses; they are largely known by
the housemaster’s initials though the buildings themselves have names. Some
houses eat ‘in house’, others go to a centralised canteen known as Bekynton.
The houses are small and intimate, with about ten boys per year group. The
housemaster is the main point of contact for the parents. Only in very dire
situations will you been called in to meet the Head- or Lowerman. Therefore
the choice of house is of the upmost importance. “Your housemaster is
everything; if he’s got your back then he has the power to support and defend
you if you get in trouble, but if he doesn’t like you, he can make your life
hell; so it’s really worth getting that choice right.” From the first year (F
Block), all boys have their own rooms. The ones we saw were perfectly nice but
certainly not what a Saudi Prince would be used to. Great pastoral care that
starts with the housemaster, who is supported by the Dame (house matron):
“boys are encouraged to talk about problems to those who can help, but also to
find their own solutions” (Prospectus). For serious problems they have school
councillors, chaplains, an Imam and Jewish and Hindu tutors. They welcome boys
of any faith or no faith at all. There is formal worship on Sundays for
Anglicans and Roman Catholics, but leaders of other faiths are available to
minister to their own groups. Daily chapel is attended by all the boys,
irrespective of religion: “I think it’s more about coming together as a school
than genuine religious contemplation”.

Extracurricular

There are numerous clubs and societies that have conventional and some
decidedly unconventional focuses. From Politics, Literature, Medicine,
Philosophy, Photography, Conservation to magic, film making, music production
and martial arts; there is something for everyone