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It seems virtually impossible for Michael Jackson to leave the ranch without getting some gay/molesty nastiness stuck on the bottom of his moonwalkin' pennyloafers.

The National Enquirer is about to break a story where ex-Liberace lover Scott Thorson claims that he had relations twice with Jackson in the 1980s, according to Fox News. You know, back when over-rhinoplastied nose holes and Members Only jackets were still considered sexy. The guy did Liberace, so a rhinestone fetish may also be in play here.

This news comes a day after fresh child molestation charges were levied against Jackson, when the now 18-year-old alleged victim recently recovered memories of abuse from when he was 3 to 5 years old.

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We obviously can't comment on the merits of these new charges, but we also occasionally get the feeling that there's a white glove creeping up our leg whenever we close our eyes and listen to Off the Wall.