Sunday, January 23, 2011

Soaking up as much sun as possible!

Another day of lots of sunshine! We have to get as much sun as we can get before we leave for Seattle! Only 2 weeks left here...uh...yikes! I keep saying that I'm going to be crying and Cale's going to be doing a happy dance! :)

After OT and PT (both good sessions!), we spent about 2 hours in the garden. I brought out our Ipod for some good tunes (instead of all the one's I make up!), and of course a deck of cards! I love that before the accident, playing games was such a big thing for us and it still is! We were always playing something together, and several times we would stay up really late into the night playing. For awhile we just sat and talked. It's mostly me that does all the talking, but I'm not sure that has changed any!

For lunch there was a football party with lots of food! Cale had pizza so he was a happy man! We didn't watch any football, but we did play Yahtzee with another patient. Next, we went outside so Cale could play ball with Kovin. Last time he played ball with Kovin, he was in his wheelchair the whole time...not today!

He stood the whole time they played and then he was daring enough to get on the tandem bike with me again. It was so much fun! Before, Cale would only last a short time because he would get tired so easily. Every time I asked him today if he wanted to stop, he would say, "No, let's go!" Before we had finished our first lap, I said, "My legs are burning! Are yours?" C: "Nope" K: "Don't you feel the muscles in your legs working so hard?" C: "Not really." Darn. I am out of shape...haha!We went for a good amount of time and I managed to last! I'm going to have to invest in one of those bikes. They are too much fun!

After our bike ride, Cale ran a couple errands with me. One of our stops was Target. I was so proud of him because usually when we go out, we take his wheelchair unless it's something that we're going to sit right away. He can use his walker, but his legs get tired really fast. I thought it was risky because he had just worked his legs on the bike, but I want him to get to a point of walking longer distances. Why not give it a try? He walked all around the store with me! By the time we left, he was exhausted but he stayed with me the whole time, even when I offered to let him sit and take a break.

I also found a picture for when we get our own house. I know it might be silly to be buying stuff for a house that we don't have, but, I'm praying eventually we'll have one, and, well, I'm a girl. That's my only excuse! It's kind of like buying baby clothes before your pregnant...right? I know I'm not the only one that has done that!!

This picture was perfect for what the Lord has been working on my heart about...

The last two days have been amazing with Cale. Perfect. We've had other good days before, but my heart has been through a little class about loving Cale-with all of me. If you have read anything I've written on this blog, I hope that you can see that I love my husband. I'm crazy about him! Cale kissed me the other day and I realized something. I haven't been kissing Cale like I should be kissing him. Huh? Try to follow me...while my lips were sealed so sweetly with Cale's, a thought occurred to me. If all of a sudden Cale was 100% back to himself, how would I be kissing him? As many times as I have told myself, and even written on here, about how I'm learning to love Cale how he is now, and how I have fallen deeply in love with him (with the TBI), and how he still takes my breath away, I'm still holding back. There is a chunk of my brain that is still expecting and waiting for Cale to be 100% better and back to how he was before the accident. I realize that I've been praying for full recovery (and that's not a bad thing), but I can't miss the now. I can't! I think part of me is still thinking of Cale as a different person and I can't fully give myself to this Cale because the other Cale is still coming back...am I making any sense?

Every time Cale kisses me, he doesn't just kiss me. All of his kisses are so full of passion. Even just a peck, he grabs my face or the back of my head. He holds me tight and really kisses me. I of course kiss him, and again, I love him so much, but I cheat him when I continually reserve myself for what is yet to come. Through our whole marriage, I've been in a wrestling match with learning to live in the moment. Cale and I have had so many late night talks about it. We were both constantly waiting for the next thing. He was gone on deployments so much so we were always waiting for him to come home, for us to be together. Then we waited for us to be out of the Army and start a family...always waiting on the future to happen. We worked really hard on trying to remember to enjoy every day. I don't want to continue our marriage waiting for him to be restored. The Lord has blessed us more than our human minds can grasp by allowing us to still have every day together. We praise His name for every ounce of healing that has happened with Cale and that can't be forgotten. God didn't make a promise to me the night of the accident that He was going to give Cale back to me in a perfectly wrapped gift with a pretty bow on top-but, He did give him to me.

It was like a light bulb being turned on inside of me. Once that happened, I've had two tender loving days with him. Cale has still had his hard moments and it hasn't been all flowers and rainbows, but it's been real and that is the sweetest gift I could ever ask for.

Now do you see why I had to buy a picture for a house I don't even have?!

I also couldn't help but think about how many times do I cheat the Lord? His love is full of passion and blessings for me. He desires me with eyes that are only for me. When I go before the throne in prayer, or read my Bible, am I all there? Is my focus on the moment sitting at my Father's feet and wrapped in His arms, or am I looking ahead to what the day will bring me? I know the answer and it hurts to admit it...

After all of that, my day ended with going to the movies with Kristen. I have been wanting to see Tangled since I first saw previews! One night after it had first come out, I had myself a little pity party because I didn't have any friends here to see it with. Uh...yes I do! Kristen! :) Just for the record, I loved the movie. I thought it was great! I felt like I need to be wearing a dress with flowers in my hair. Since I'm in bed about to drift to sleepy land, I figured that wasn't very practical. While I got ready for bed, I couldn't help but throw a few twirls in my routine... :)

6 comments:

I'm so glad you went to see Tangled. Every time I see a sign for that movie (I haven't seen it yet!) I think of you and wonder if you've gotten to see it yet. Haha, silly I know.

I'm glad you bought that picture for the house you don't have yet. It's not silly, it's hopeful and faithful. And I really like the picture too, so that's a plus. :) (Btw, I haven't bought any baby clothes but I have bought some children's books for the kids that don't exist yet. I feel ya girl.)

Finally, I just think that the love you and Cale share now is truly something from God, no questions about it. Not to say that you aren't working at it and learning as you go... but he has rewarded you with a love that so many married folks without TBI won't ever know. Thank you for the encouragement and challenge to not 'cheat' the Lord. I have probably been doing it to the Lord AND to Brian, but no more. :) Love you girl.

Kathleen, this post reminds me of how God uses suffering in our lives to perfect us on the inside. He is perfecting you. Keep your eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of your faith! I love the way you write. It is so real and so easy to read. Thank you for sharing your lives with us on your blog. I always cry and smile when I read your posts. I love the picture! That's the best time to buy something like that -- when it means something to you. May the Lord's favor continue to rest upon you both as He is perfecting both of you.

With love in Christ,

Denise R. from Texas

"Come, O house of Jacob, let us walk in the light of the LORD." Isaiah 2:5

Kathleen, The treasures that you buy for your "someday" house will reflect the goodness of the Lord, they will be physical reminders of How God has taught you , brought you through and restored you both, I think everytime you see something that brings about a reaction of "ah oh God" you should purchase it. I have bought both my girls faith charms - things that they have prayed for that God has brought into their lives - When he has given them the desire of their heart I have purchased a charm to commemorate the moment- for instance a horse charm for the horse Esther so dilegently prayed for, a baby charm for both girls when Trace was born, they both wanted another sibling, ect.... I think this is a physical reminder of what God is doing and has done. Plus when we can touch these things it takes us back to Gods faithfulness and his goodness. These treasures you are buying are like alters to the Lord, they will bring you to the place of rememberance - Just like Joshuah and the stones that he placed to mark the spot where God met them as they crossed the Jordan - You are marking your life with beautiful rememberances of God's faithfullness - Keep it up !!!!!!!! LOVE the way you voiced the whole holding back thing - I know I do that often - I am there with God , but am I really fully there ????? It really puts it in perspective when you look at it through the comparision you gave - Thank you for sharing that !!!!!! Love you girl Blessings to you as you walk out this love walk you are on - Prayed for you and Caleb this morning!!!! Always in Him Reenie

Kathleen, When we share a joy, it is doubled. When we share a burden, it is halved. I love my husband more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. I know our walk is different, but the "holding back" is much the same. Yes, there have been those moments I've asked Father to give me the hots for my husband....lets just say I 've burned my hands touching him a few times. :) Uh, was that X-rated... sorry. :{ Father has given you a rare understanding and insight. Thank you for sharing His gift. I love you, Marion

You bought the perfect picture for your "someday house". It is your life and you are learning every day to dance in the rain. As you learn you take all of us blog readers along on a journey of faith with you and we are learning right there with you (only in our own circumstances) as our wonderful, gracious example. You enjoy that picture, girl. You have inspired me today:) Once again...love, Julie H.