Monthly Archives: March 2011

Every time I think I’ve seen the bestanimatedGIF in the history of the intertubes, another one comes along and puts all the others to shame… Rebecca Black may indeed be a scourge in the worlds of both music and video, but at least we have this…

Like this:

Was at the Y tonight after work. Nothing out of the ordinary – just the usual assortment of freaks and jackasses. My particular peeve tonight was the jerks who monopolize one of the few weight benches by laying their towel, dumbbells, iPhone (natch), etc. on it, but then just stand next to it kibitzing with some other d’bag rather than actually lifting any weights…

Anyway, pretty much par for the course – it barely elicited a muttered string of obscenities from me… Little did I know, the true outrage and horror was yet to come.

So, I’m in the locker-room (I know – gross) after taking a shower, minding my own business. Then, as I was dressing, I glanced to my right – and at the end of the row of lockers is a huge mirror in which I can see reflected my completely undraped head-to-toe profile. Jesus Christ! Who wants to look at that? I did manage to stifle my screams, but just barely…

It was pretty much like this - only not as attractive or muscular.

Honestly, wouldn’t you think that anyone in charge of designing a locker-room would ensure that one only encounters mirrors when one seeks them out, rather than being unpleasantly surprised by being forced to view the monstrous results of 29 years (ahem) of hard living and gravity? Oy…

Anyway, I’m part way through a box of wine in an attempt to erase that image from my mind. So far it’s not working…

Like this:

I innocently walked into the Walgreens around the corner from my office – my office which is located in San Francisco, California, to the west of the Rockies.

But, like in an episode of the Twilight Zone, I’d apparently walked through some portal into another dimension. This is clearly evidenced by the availability of this product:

What? The? Fuck? I have no idea how that jar of Hellmann’s managed to make it all the way here – presumably after escaping from a Shop-Rite in Queens. I can just see the jar, hopping a west-bound train, hobo-style.

Interesting fact: Best Foods brand mayonnaise is only sold in the western U.S. All other countries are branded “Hellmann’s” – which in Argentina includes Hellmann’s Mayonesa Doblemente Batida (“extra batter style” – sounds, um, battery?) and Salsa Golf (mayonnaise with tomato paste) – and something I wish were offered in this country simply so I could ask “Could I have some Salsa Golf?” when dining out.

Time and time again, I am completely outraged (to coin a phrase) that most people and businesses in the U.S. now equate paying any taxes as both literally and morally equivalent to being robbed at gunpoint. No longer is there any concern for the common good or any acknowledgement of government’s role in promoting that good – it’s every man for himself. And once I’ve got mine, fuck all the rest of you! You deserve what you get (or, more likely, don’t get) – you probably weren’t praying hard enough to the correct god.

Like this:

Despite a lifelong history of various health problems and medical issues, there was something seemingly indestructible about Miss Taylor. The news of her death this morning was really shocking.

Her beauty, which was almost other-worldly in its perfection, along with a personal life that can modestly be described as tempestuous, often overshadowed the fact that she was a supremely talented actress.

In the early 1980s, when little was known about the disease and few outside of the gay community were willing to even discuss it, she became the public face of the search for a cure and a co-founder of AMFAR.

Elizabeth Taylor – a true star, whose like we shan’t see again. The loss is ours.

My company, CREDO, uses Sprint’s network for handling our wireless traffic. So Sprint stopped by recently to make a promo touting the success of one of their wholesale customers – namely CREDO. My friend, Kenneth, and I were asked to handle some phones and paper work while being filmed, doing our best “busy work ladies” impression. And it paid off! There’s a quick shot of us at around the 0:04 mark and then a longer shot at 2:12.

See the video here. It actually gives a good overview of what our company does, as a phone company and as political activists.