I asked for a cinnamon latte, but the coffee house didn't have cinnamon syrup. I am a problem solver, and I just put Goldschlager in my coffee. I am made of win.

Sucks to Be You - Entertainment- Ironically, I'll be kicking this off with Lindsay Lohan. It seems that the stalkerazzi and various other muckrakers are pasting pictures from her movie up all over the intarnets, and hundreds more people every day are now under the assumption that Lohan is actually making porn, and/or actually giving this guy head instead of shooting a scene for a movie. And seriously, whatever [this] is most emphatically not a real blow-job, because no guy's penis grows out of his mid thigh, and is still accessible through blue jeans. Don't ask me how I know...

- It kind of sucks to be this poor bastard, who is suing Disney over the first Pirates of the Caribbean now. Allegedly, Disney ganked Will Turner's character from a thing this guy wrote in 1980, and he's just really slow on the motherfuckin' uptake. Honestly, who sues years after the release of the film in question, after the sequel is out, the third is filmed, a fourth is in the works, and actually expects every copy of Curse of the Black Pearl to be destroyed? A dumb motherfucker, I think.

- Next on the list of people it Sucks to Be: Syd Barrett. 'Cause he's dead. Not much more to say about it, but I really liked the article. Anyway, Shane... this one's for you.

Sucks to Be You - Politics- It also really sucks if You happen to live anywhere near Israel. They're not content to just bomb the ever-living shit out of Palestine, raid and oppress all those in the Gaza strip, now they've decided to blast the fuck out of Lebanon. I understand that they're an important ally for us, but seriously... how long are we going to let them declare war on all of their neighbors? I'm with Kuwait and Russia on this one. Israel has gone too far. Bush, of course, doesn't think Israel is doing anything wrong, and we all know he doesn't really care if it's another poor reflection on the dear 'ol U.S. of A...which it is.

- This next one is tricky, because I can't figure out who it sucks to be quite yet. It either sucks to be Libby, Cheney, and Rove... or it sucks to be us. This trifecta of terribles has been subpoenaed in a civil suit started by Wilson and Plame. Are we seriously calling this Plamegate? I won't. This still doesn't mean we'll learn anything else, but at least in civil suits defendants have to show up, and there's more leeway with the questioning. It is possible, however, that Cheney can have the case thrown out. If he can't, it sucks for the trio of corruption. If he can, sucks for us.

Israel may have almost had peace, but that's no excuse for the past 40 years of violence and mayhem that has been going on in that area. I've studied the Israel and Palestine conflict, and frankly... Istrael struck first, and it's been going on ever since.