Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Hello, Heather Haven

The
Pickled Percussions of Penning

For the past thirty years I have been, more or
less, Mrs. Norman Meister. Even though I held a job, actually ran my own
department at Stanford University, Norman was the hotshot performer, with a
rock and roll band, a jazz duo, and other musical skills that left people
always asking me, “what’s it like to be married to Norman? It must be heaven to
hear his singing all the time.” Occasionally, I would step down from the
perceived cloud, sit in the background, smile, ever charming and demure, ever
appreciative of his many talents. And if I could help a little with the load-out
after the gig, so much the better. Simply put, being Norman’s wife was pretty
much my raison d’être.

It has changed. Now I am a
published author. I am a cause célèbre. I use French words. True, I am a very
minor cause, but I think you take what you can get in this life. Many people
have gathered around, bought Murder is a
Family Business and A Wedding to Die
For, in either print or ebook form, and proceeded to read them. I was
impressed with this outpouring of support. They were impressed with my work.
All was good.

But I’ve also noticed there’s a
price to be paid for stepping into the spotlight. People feel compelled to tell
you every grain of what they don’t like in one of your books, even if it’s only
from their own frame of reference. For instance, my upstairs neighbor, a lovely
lady of around 80 years old, read both my books, loved them she said, and
passed them on to her daughter. Of course, it would have been nice if she
encouraged her daughter to buy them, but as I’ve mentioned, you take what you
can get in this life.

Where was I? Oh yes, lovely
upstairs neighbor. She called to tell me she didn’t think anybody would cut up
a bridesmaid dress at a wedding the way the protagonist did in A Wedding to Die For. As it was based on
personal experience - I did just that, myself – I thanked her for her insight, threw
in some small talk, and hung up.

Recently at a dinner party, someone
had some thoughts and feelings to lay on me about my books. Trapped at the
table without a drink in sight, I listened to this:

“Okay, Heather, I read your first
book and I’m two-thirds of the way through the second, and because it’s a
mindless read, I go back and forth from that to my more serious books. As I
say, it’s pretty mindless, but I wanted you to know I am enjoying it very much,
just like I enjoyed the first book. They’re mindless but very good.”

Now, I don’t know what any of you
would have said, but I found myself stymied for a reply to the ‘mindless’ side
of the comments. A part of me wanted to say, “Well then, as you have no mind,
they are a perfect read for you” or “It took a mind to write them, toots” or “I
think the word you’re going for is ‘lightweight,’ not ‘mindless.’” But I merely
smiled and said, “Thank you.”

Not done, she blathered on, “Now that
all your friends and family have bought them, how do you plan to get anybody
else to read them?”

Squelching the desire to tell her to
never to consider a field in Diplomacy should she seek employment, I said,
“Other people are buying them, but I
blog, Twitter, Facebook, promotional stuff like that --”

“What’s a blog?” She interrupted.
“And Twitter? What’s that?”

“There’re online sites--”

“Right,” she waved me off. “But
you’re not famous and nobody knows you, so how does that make anybody buy your
book?”

“You know,” I said rising, “I can
see Norman needs a little help with his load-in. Will you excuse me, please?”

All I can say is, sacré bleu! Thank God for husbands.

Murder
is a Family Business, book one

by

Heather
Haven

Just because a man cheats on
his wife and makes Danny DeVito look tall, dark and handsome, is that any
reason to kill him? The reluctant and quirky PI, Lee Alvarez, doesn't think so. The 34-year old ½ Latina, ½ WASP and 100% detective has her work cut out for her when the man is murdered on her
watch.Of all the nerve.

A Wedding
To Die For, book two

by

Heather
Haven

A
groom arrested for murder can put a crimp in anybody’s nuptials, no matter who
designed the wedding gown. So when the wedding of Lee’s best friend is
threatened by such a problem, thirty-four-year old Lee Alvarez heads to Mexico
in search of the real killer.

5 comments:

wow! GREAT Post....here's what I would have said after she used the word "mindless" for the third time: "I'm so glad you found a genre that fits your reading level. We mindless writers love to help out the less fortunate."but I'm a contrarian!best of luck with everything!Liz

I am sooo cracking up right now. We really need to bottle our Heather up and sell her. What a treasure you are. Love your humor and talent my friend. I just know you are the life af any party you attend. I want to be seated by you at any event. Unlike your mindless friend's obtuse ability to concede genius, the talent you exude in everyday life can only be enriched in the stories you tell. Love you and thank you for the continous sparkle you shine to the world.

Wish I lived near Stanford. I'd love to ask Norman what it's like being married to Heather Haven. And I'd've told that lady a little something about the value of lightweight entertainment and the fact that it takes real talent to write GOOD lightweight entertainment. As an editor and slush reader I've seen what else is out there. Argh!

This is priceless. I applaud you for your self control although it would have been fun to hear how you hopped across the table and strangled the little lady...So, Heather Haven, Writer, with a capital W, thank you for sharing a peek into your world of celebrity.