1600th/X-mas Run

Friday, January 13, 2017

Hash Trash 1863

The Hash was hosted by Cunning Linguist and Malu at their
new place in Vaivase. So this was in a way a Hash House Warming Party. We were
certainly warm from the heat and from slapping mosquitoes. The run had
courageously been set on flour, given the bursts of rain we had been seeing of
recent. But the weather gods were on his side, so the only issue we had was his
parsimoniousness. Anyway, it was out the gate and following the road up to the sports
field, where a false trail leading up was discovered. So we continued right
around the sports field, in a gentle sloping run. But what goes down must come
up, or something like that. The walkers were able to soon turn, while the
runners continued down towards Samoa College, and got a very steep hill to
contend with on their way back to the house. A very good road run, but Cunning
Linguist has promised that next time there will be more bush.

POD as GM called the circle to order, and found there were
no newbies. Retreads were Poumuli and Wahoo (family reunion), Kiwi (lost his
running shoes), Gagging Diva (in Oz with intravenous cider and cheese) and
Clark (getting a matai title).

Poumuli had found no celebrities this week, but in a spot of
confusion, Clark noted that the Manu coach had been in paper, and that he himself
had been featured for his biography. Since this one had already been awarded to
co-author Sunny Side Up, Clark was made to take the Self-Incrimination Award,
with Nom Nom as whipping boy.

The Shoe Inspector was unnecessary as Clark’s new boots were
so so shiny. He declined Nom Nom’s offer of drinking from Nom Nom’s shoes.

This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker for Gayboy (1787
– William Herschel discovers Titania and Oberon, two moons of Uranus), Prue (1946
– The first General Assembly of the United Nations opens in London. Fifty-one
nations are represented), Lewinsky (1999 – The Senate trial in the impeachment
of U.S. President Bill Clinton begins), Lewinsky (2015 – A mass poisoning at a
funeral in Mozambique involves beer that was deliberately contaminated with
crocodile bile leaving at least 56 dead and nearly 200 hospitalized – for ordering
Taula), Sassygirl BJ (Feast Day of Our Lady of Prompt Succor) and Poumuli (International
Typing Day).

Turning to the GM’s awards, she asked the Hare if there was
some new extreme form of taxation on flour? We had struggled mightily in places
where the marks were so small and so far between. Cunning Linguist had no
credible defence so took the award. Poumuli wanted this blatant copying of
Scottish behaviour to be given to one of the Scots in the circle but was
ignored.

The Tourism Awards had been held over the weekend and the GM
noted that a Hygiene Award had been given. She thus felt compelled to issue an
Unhygiene Award to Nom Nom for wringing out his dripping shirt in front of
everyone, scorching the earth.

The Hosts had announced that this would be an Orange themed
run, and most had complied, except a Colourblind Award was needed for StrapOn
who wore entirely blue. This was followed by a congratulatory Matai Award for
Leiamanuia Clark.

Cunning Linguist wanted to give a Confusion Award to
Godfather for introducing a new beat to the Hash song last week. Godfather
countered that since that circle had been a sit-down one, it was a one-off, and
we were now back to regulations. Nevertheless, he used the new beat for the
down down, a jazzy sort of off-beat.

Sassy nominated StrapOn for a good start to the Husband of
the Year award for taking Mrs Strap out to lunch, and for his meeting with two
distinguished Ministers the following day. However it was explained that the
luncheon was arranged because Lewinsky had got him into trouble over stepping
out for some drinks. When the GM heard all this she awarded both StrapOn and
Lewinsky the down down, as Lewinsky had told her he was at Cockblocker’s house.

StrapOn then nominated Nom Nom and Prue for New Year’s
celebrities, having celebrated it twice this year over in Pago, as well as
Gagging Diva for getting upset that they didn’t bring back gallons of liquid
cheese.

We then had a Birthday Award for Yahoo (taken by Wahoo), POD
and Kiwi. This was followed by a Multiple Entry Award from Sassy to Pirate
Princes for being impressive on the run, CB for being sick all week yet coming
for the run, and Nom Nom for being first and fast up the last hill.

While awaiting the circle Poumuli had noticed that it
appeared that StrapOn had caused a minor landslide by the fence from sitting
there, which Lewinsky attributed to StrapOn’s testicular fortitude and the
presence of crabs. Lewinsky got the Extensive Knowledge of Crabs Award, joined
by Cunning Linguist as it was his dog who had actually caused the landslide.

Finally StrapOn nominated Cunning Linguist and Malu for
being forbidden to sleep close to the children at a fale due to the, er, noise
levels. We then saluted the Hosts and Hare, before eating a great housewarming
meal.