Description

"Ever since Usidore said The Dark Lord’s name, things have been getting a little too real. We’re still cleaning Soul Walker off of the Vermilion Minotaur’s floor. We need a plan to deal with all of this stuff. We also need Spintax the Green. He’s my guest this week."

Summary

Arnie has finally realized the weight of the Dark Lord situation in Foon, as there is still Soul Walker shit all around the Vermilion Minotaur. He's decided to get serious and invite some help in to defeat the Dark Lord: Spintax the Green. He and Usidore are at odds as usual, arguing over how the Soul Walker was killed. Arnie steps in and forces Usidore to make peace with Spintax, and Usidore begrudgingly pays Spintax a compliment. Spintax is upset about the rumor involving him and a bisectual dwarf. Spintax claims he didn't realize the dwarf was bisected because she was standing next to a mirror, and looked perfectly symmetrical instead. He then used his multifaceted gem to travel to the Mirror Realms in order to find the dimension where the perfect, non-bisected version of the dwarf lived. Instead, he found many other dimensions, including an alternate universe where Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore are the servants of the Dark Lord and have a goatee and two eyepatches between them all. After narrowly escaping, Spintax has decided to aid Usidore in the quest to defeat the Dark Lord. Fortunately, this dovetails neatly with his previous quest to stop The Void, as the Dark Lord has now harnessed it as a weapon. Spintax then banishes Chunt's pet demon into a ball of white flame. Usidore falls asleep.

After the break, we find out that Usidore has been thinking really hard about how to send Arnie home, but Spintax reveals that he has already slaughtered six Foonish children and rendered their fat, the key ingredient to opening a trans-dimensional portal. Because the Void can be defeated by making Earth child Penelope Penelope believe that the magic of Foon is real, they decide that they should use the fat to complete that task. Unfortunately, they decide that Arnie cannot be the one to go through the portal because he is not magical (and even though there is a Twitter user Verterrilax claiming to be a dragon, he could be lying). They also decide that Usidore cannot go because he would screw it up, and Chunt cannot go because he would eat Snickers all day instead, so Spintax is chosen to be the one to go on the quest. Meanwhile, Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore will pose as their mirror selves in order to sneak into the Dark Lord's camp and hopefully find some way to defeat him. Usidore falls asleep.

While he is sleeping, Spintax asks Arnie to let Usidore know that despite all his names, he will always know him as "friend". Arnie and Chunt both leave messages for Spintax to deliver to Arnie's wife, Sarah, and Spintax struggles but eventually squeezes through the portal back to Earth. Usidore finally wakes up, but Arnie and Chunt have both completely forgotten Spintax's message.

After reaching the Burger King, Spintax demands to see the King of Burgers. The drive-thru employee is annoyed at what he thinks is a prank.

Foon Sponsor

Bungaree Chubbins advertises for his chamber pot business, Chubbins' Chamber Pots & So Forth, and bemoans having to work in a chamber pot store.

Emails

Usidore explains the different kind of wizards on Foon. Chunt tells us about different types of Foonish cuisine, and Usidore gives his recipe for Fried Pubes.

Mysterious Man

The Mysterious Man is upset that there was a trans-dimensional transgression, and Tricia reads some names of people that have given the podcast a five-star review on iTunes.