My husband opens his mouth and jams his foot SO deep there are tread marks on his liver.

“You are so much hotter in the Suburban.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“So, what you’re saying is that I’m ugly in the minivan.”

“…..NO…I didn’t say that…YOU said that…I just said you were hotter in the Suburban.”

“Oh yes, I got that part, but what you’re saying is that I’m not as hot in the van.”

“…..uh….NO, those are YOUR words…you’re reading into it things I didn’t say.”

“So, set me straight. If I am ‘hotter’ in the Suburban, you’re in essence saying that I am ‘less hot’ in the minivan.”

“….errr…no? I’m just saying that I’m going to buy you a Suburban again.”

“Because you can’t stand to be seen with your ugly wife in the minivan?”

“I didn’t say that! Now you’re just making stuff up, you know I think you’re hot all the time, I was just….”

“Well, let’s just make sure I have this straight then…I wouldn’t want there to be ANY miscommunication on my part…if I am ‘hotter’ in the Suburban, what DOES that make me in the minivan? You tell me, in your own words, WHAT I am in the minivan.”

*crickets chirp*

“You’re always hot! You’re just hottER in the suburban.”

“Sooooo, what you’re saying is that I am in some way less attractive because I’m in a minivan.”

*damn those noisy crickets*

“I see you and I think ‘movie star goddess’…I see you in a minivan and I think ‘movie star really pretty woman’.”

If my hubby said something like that I would totally have the same convo with him. Altho it would probably end with him bolting up and running out of the house stating “I can’t take this shit anymore.”