You know, I've always said that sitting closer to the action gives you a whole new level of respect for professional athletes as physical marvels. Typically that respect isn't measured in the dampness of drawers, but - after twelve straight years averaging around 20 points a game as a nightly double-double threat - it's about damn time fans found themselves in awe of LaMarcus Aldridge's full package. There was that period where the Spurs' faithful wanted him run out of town, but - though that appears to be well in the past - I have a sneaking suspicion he'll never ever be worried about finding a place to stay pending the circulation of this video.

I always thought of LaMarcus Aldridge exuding a quiet confidence of sorts, and apparently now I know why. Dude could have "speak softly and carry a big stick" tattooed across his forehead and it would still be the second thing prospective sheet-sharers noticed about his appearance from up close. No wonder his demeanor has been so calm, cool, and collected despite criticism. He doesn't even need to face up a defender to take someone aback or leave a forward-facing impression. That's just the long and overstuffed compression short of it.

As for the guy that may or may not be accompanying the nice young lady whose eye found an apple in the form of forbidden fruit, I'm not even sure it makes much sense to embarrassed. Just got to tip your cap and appreciate the art of it all, as that picture is of a priceless gift from God more so than anything he could even dream about considering competition.