Your Shoes & You

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Shoes are one of the first things you notice and usually tell more about someone than anything else they wear. Shoes tell much about where you’ve been and most importantly about where you plan on going. Make sure you know what you shoes say about you.

Heels – you look sexy and you want to look sexy. The heels are uncomfortable but you walk like a model anyways. It’s good attention, and you may need it. More than just a few inches, it could also get you in clubs, get a new job, or maybe make some money on the weekend. In the end, no one asks you to wear heels, but everyone appreciates it.

Hipster – you want to be Kanya, matching your shoes with your shirt, socks, and sunglasses; you are overly fresh and your efforts are seem pathetic because its evident no one is going to look at you as much as you do yourself. You think all the ladies love you because the way you dress, but they’re really just questioning if you’re gay.

Athletic – you skinny and in good shape or just too fat to wear anything else. Athletic shoes provide the supported needed for a good work out, whether that a couple miles around the tracks or just walking up the stairs to the refrigerator. Either way, your shoes are worn to shit, and constantly need replaced.

Old chucks – you have been to a lot of concerts and your pants are almost as tight as your double-knotted laces. You try very hard to look like you don’t care, but your perfectly disarrayed jet-black hair and matching black eyeliner and nail polish suggest otherwise. Everyone knows you try really hard to look bad, but that doesn’t mean everyone still can’t kick your ass.

Penny Loafers – a nice classy casual, for the modest man. Fit for almost all occasions, your pair of penny loafers are about the only shoes you ever wear. A patriotically hand-me-down in the family, the loafers still show no ware, even after all your countless BBQs and games of crocket. P.S. always keep dimes in the penny loafers.

Timberlands – you hang out with other people that wear timberlands. Too you, it’s a man’s man kind of shoes. It shows you’re always ready to build a shed, patch up the roof and talk about anything related to Craftsman.

Crocs – I’m sure what situation calls for crocs, but I’m convinced you don’t either. The only thing that seems to be missing from crocs are little lights that blink when you walk. If your over five years of age, please stop wearing crocs.