How to Buy a Child’s Love

Loving someone else’s baby can be, at times, unrewarding. You don’t see them every day, so they sometimes have difficulty remembering you… they’re babies, so they don’t think about you when you’re gone, wondering how you are and what you’re doing… and you’re not the only person who comes to visit, so they’re left with a number of smiling faces who all want to shower love on them.

What should you do to make yourself feel better? BUY THEM PRESENTS!!

And don’t just buy them presents, but continually ask the baby’s parents how said child is enjoying their present. Every time you come over, be sure to look for the present, so you can play with it with Baby.

And be sure to take it personally when Baby gives as little of a cr*p about your present as they do every other expensive thing they have. After all, Monkey enjoys pulling DVDs out of the shelves more than any other toy she has.

Just don’t let the baby’s affection for you define who you are for that 20 minutes. She’s a baby. She didn’t know who her parents were until she was a few months old… don’t be disappointed if she loves the guy at Barnes & Noble more than you. Besides, he never got her a present.