With a year like I’ve had
I should have drowned myself
Not literally, but at least in cheap beer
Or whiskey, with a chaser of tears
Should have cut off my locs
Gained or lost ’bout 25 pounds
I should have closed up shop
And let the twinkle in my eye disappear
Slipped the pep out of my step
But still I’m here, or so I’m told
And somehow I should have a couple degrees
And a PhD, or not
All while living single and widowed
That’s right, I should be slightly educated
Yet silent as a white mouse
I should have conceived
And as head of house
Held the joys on my own
Broken barriers behind closed doors
Do not expect a thank you
And don’t dare ask for compensation
I should have developed hypertension
And all sorts of bad habits
To sustain my beautiful mind
But that’s just statistically speaking

Y’all come out the woodwork in the Spring
Ain’t helped store food or build shelter from the sleet
Still, you come sniffing around when you’re in heat
Like you have a reserved spot up in these sheets
You with the bow ties
You with the blue eyes
You with the pocket squares
You with the curly hair
You with the tenor tone
You and the cat car you own
If you don’t survive the frigid Winter
Then the garden won’t open in the Spring.

It’s a mantra that I have come to live by. I’ve tried using it to guide both professional and personal decision-making. But when does “wait time” become too long? And when does “being patient” become an excuse for not making moves?

Now, my logical self wants to calmly say, “Well, actually…patience leads to peace and progress. So take it easy. Just be.”

However, another part of me [the one with the raised-eyebrow] wants to yell, “Seriously? Why don’t you just be quiet? Patience is wayyy overrated!”

Take love for example. You find…or choose…or grow into…or stumble upon (take your pick) that one person who makes you feel like time has stopped in their presence. You play it cool at first. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. Become friends…yada yada yada. Then you begin letting the walls crumble to reveal your true selves. And eventually, if you have not clawed each other’s eyes out by that point, you come to the mutual understanding that there is a strong like or even love in your mist.

But now what? Here are some common pieces of advice we have all probably been given by friends or family when we’ve reached that point, especially if it has only taken a few weeks or months to get there.

Take it easy.

Slow down.

Take your time.

Time will tell.

Don’t rush into love.

Keep looking.

Good things come to those that wait.

Don’t settle.

If it’s meant to be it will be.

Be patient in love.

Even the major faiths of the world value the practice of patience. Many teaching patience with God, others and self. And in the modern world of fast this and instant that, we continue to worship the ability to be patient and treat it as an elusive virtue.

But is patience overrated? [Insert a long, deep, pull your bellybutton to your spine breath before answering.] No, it is not. Many things created in a rush do not work out or lose its f(l)avor soon after because of the lack of intentionality.

Furthermore, let us not confuse patience and waiting. They are two different things. A lot of people wait in love. Wait in careers. Wait in life. I’ve been guilty of it before. But people who practice patience in love and life are diligently working toward something greater and, perhaps most importantly, do so without resenting the journey.

Simply stated: Any “wait time” is too much time. But you can never be too patient.