Jim Six: Video chat -- an uplifting experience

So I learned the other day that Botox was invented as a cure for crossed eyes.

This was fascinating information. Until now, all I knew was that Botox smoothed wrinkles out of people and, unfortunately, made some people’s faces look like they were sculpted from stiff plastic. I’ve seen video of women who couldn’t smile because of Botox.

I’ve also seen some really awful plastic surgery results over the years, on TV and even in person. I remember one woman, in particular, who took a perfectly nice, attractive face and — I guess — wanted to improve it. To me, she wound up looking like a duck.

I am in no way opposed to plastic surgery — it’s certainly OK in moderation. If it pulls your face back so it looks like it’s about to explode, or makes your eyes narrow slits in your face or makes your eyes bug out, and if your lips look all swollen and misshapen, well — no.

I know there are all sorts of reasons for getting plastic surgery, but here’s the latest: People are getting face-lifts because they don’t like the way they look on FaceTime or Skype video calls.

No, really.

If you haven’t tried this yourself, you should understand that most people hold their smartphones at about mid-chest level and look down into it. That means that the picture you’re transmitting is at the perfect angle to highlight that double chin or flabby neck of yours.

Nice, huh?

I’ve used FaceTime twice, for about 10 seconds each time, just to see if it worked with someone else’s phone. But when I look into my phone — or a mirror, for that matter — what I see is an extremely crooked face. My mustache and beard tend to grow, and thus curve, to the right. Which gives my whole face a crooked appearance.

Of course, this pales in light of the humongousness of the area under my chin. I try to avoid calling it my neck, because I have always been a neck-deprived individual (which is one reason I never, ever wear turtlenecks.)

A plastic surgeon in Virginia has developed the FaceTime Face-Lift, which reportedly reduced sagging necks, but without leaving a scar under the chin — where the camera will point.

The surgeon said easily 25 percent of the 100 or so face-lifts he has done recently were because people didn’t like the way they looked on video chats.

I have no plans to have a face-lift, so you’ll have to put up with my crooked face just the way it is.

But, if you’re planning to talk to me via FaceTime or Skype video, please remember I have to look at you. Please do whatever you can to look your best.