How do you get a table ... at the last minute?

Scott's Restaurant & Bar: Can I book a table for tonight? 'There's nothing free.' It's for Daniel Radcliffe. 'We know who he is, but even our regulars are on the waiting list.' You can't make an exception? 'The only way would be to extend the restaurant ...'

Nobu: Daniel Radcliffe would like a table tonight. 'The only time we could do is 11pm.' You wouldn't make an exception considering who he is? 'We can't. I could put him on the waiting list for something earlier though.'

Tom's Kitchen: 'I don't physically have any tables.' Could you make room for Daniel Radcliffe? 'I'll see what I can do ... I can give him a small table at the front or a longer table at the back?'

Helen Mirren

Scott's Restaurant & Bar: Can I book a table for this evening? 'We're full.' It's for Helen Mirren. 'If we get a cancellation, we will ring you.' They don't call back. But Helen Mirren's agent does! We explain the 'joke' and she laughs.

Nobu: 'We don't have a table.' Do you know who she is? 'Yes, but I don't think we can fit Karen [Millen] in.' No Helen, as in Helen Mirren. 'I thought you said Karen Millen! I'll check ...' Call back immediately. 'We have a table.'

Tom's Kitchen: 'We're fully booked I'm afraid.' I should probably mention that it would be for Helen Mirren. 'Ah well, we haven't quite confirmed the schedule yet so I will see if there's space and call you back.' They don't call back.

Shilpa Shetty

Scott's Restaurant & Bar: 'Sorry we are completely full this evening.' Could you shift some tables around? It's for Shilpa. 'Sorry we're full. Try another time.'

Nobu: 'We're full this evening.' It would be for Shilpa. Would that make a difference? 'For who sorry?' Shilpa from Celebrity Big Brother. 'I can check, but from what I can see we're really full ... Yes we can get her a table.'

Tom's Kitchen: 'The only space we have is at the bar.' It's for Shilpa Shetty and she definitely doesn't want to sit at the bar. Can you find her something else? 'No sorry, We're full, full, full.'