Dalton Trumbo’s Deep Throat

Several ENSLAVED EX-GOVERNMENT WORKERS, all of them in their nineties, are led by ROMAN CENTURIONS into the Washington Monument. The famed landmark is surrounded by crosses, where various elderly men are in the process of being crucified.

Each Centurion has an American flag burned into their bronzed armor and a torn up copy of the Constitution in their back pockets. All wear watches.

One Centurion, CRASSUS, looks suspiciously like a younger version of Laurence Olivier.

[NOTE TO PRODUCER: Talk to the boys behind Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow about doing the rendering for this.]

Crassus leans into ONE of the elderly men, who is named W. MARK FELT.

CRASSUS

Do you prefer oysters or snails?

W. MARK FELT

(with anguish)

Augharghrghrrrrr!

CRASSUS

You didn’t like Emperor Nixon very much, did you?

CLOSEUP

on W. Mark Felt. His face is in anguish, but manages a smile.

CRASSUS

Be a good citizen and tell me that you’re Deep Throat.

Felt spits in Crassus’ face.

W. MARK FELT

I’ll never talk, even if you give me a Vanity Fair profile!

LONG SHOT

The crosses continue down the length of Constitution Avenue.

Crassus cracks his whip. Felt cries out in pain. The other Enslaved Ex-Government Workers continue howling, until one speaks up.

ENSLAVED EX-GOVERNMENT WORKER #1

I am Deep Throat!

ENSLAVED EX-GOVERNMENT WORKER #2

I am Deep Throat!

ENSLAVED EX-GOVERNMENT WORKER #3

I am Deep Throat!

Crassus looks with embarassment upon the scene.

CRASSUS

You think this is the end of Marcus Crassus?

Crassus digs into his face and tears off his Olivier mask, revealing the FRIGHTENING VISAGE OF RICHARD NIXON.

NIXON

Didn’t think I’d come back? Did you? They said I was dead in California. They said I was dead after Watergate. They said I was dead, period!

FELT

Okay! Okay! I’m Deep Throat. Anything you want! Just go away and leave me alone! For Christ’s sake, all I wanted was a Pepsi.

NIXON

Wrong revolutionary, pal. You know all too well that Bob Woodward’s a Diet Coke guy.