With prom season here, parents have been staying awake worrying about whether their teens will follow the curfew rules they set or whether their rules for a curfew are the right ones. Well, let me see if I can help everyone rest easy on the subject of curfews.

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While your teen might believe that instituting a curfew represents your having issues of control or trust, it is important that they and you realize a curfew is an active way to show concern for your child’s wellbeing and safety and should be presented in just that way. Telling your child that doing this allows them to get adequate sleep for school or sports often makes this feel more like you are helping rather than restricting their autonomy.

A good way to institute a curfew is to discuss why you are instituting one – that it will keep your teen healthy and ensure adequate sleep for school and sports – and teach them how to set limits for themselves so that they do well at college and later in life. It is great to ask your teen what seems reasonable so that they can buy in and make the curfew achievable. It is reasonable to ask what your teen’s friends’ curfews are as you set up your own family’s curfew.

Being flexible in setting a curfew based on circumstances – such as special occasions such as prom – also makes your teen feel listened to, as long as the teen adheres to that curfew. Failure to do so might limit the flexibility you can offer.

To make a curfew work, set it in advance and be specific about the time. Put all important rules in writing such as the “check-in rule.” What is the “check-in rule”? It’s a rule that requires your teen to check-in visually with you and say good night to you when they come home – even if you are asleep. This can prevent your teen from engaging in risk- taking behaviors like drinking or taking drugs if they need to let you know in person that they are home.

If your teen misses a curfew, tell them you are glad they are home safe. But wait until the next day to discuss consequences, such as the fact that flexible curfews are earned with demonstrated responsibility and lost when that responsibility is not shown. A missed curfew should not result in an automatic grounding, but perhaps an earlier time that your teen needs to be home.

The bottom line is that curfews are not a punishment, but a change to ensure safety and teach self-control and time management.

Hopefully, tips like this will not keep you or your child up late at night when it comes to knowing more about the benefits of instituting a curfew.