Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
5465

Miserable Cold
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man: "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor. "I can cure pneumonia." Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
5466

Full Of Bull
A husband and a wife were going to a costume party. He was dressed as a bull and she was a heifer. On the way to the party their car ran out of gas. As they were walking to the gas station they decided to take a shortcut through a field.
All of a sudden a bull came charging up.
"Oh no," cried the wife. "What are we going to do?"
"Well, honey," replied the husband, "I'm going to bend over and act like I'm grazing. I suggest you brace yourself." Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
5467

Why It's Great To Be A Man
1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
5. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
6. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
7. The world is your urinal.
8. Wrinkles add character.
9. New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.
10. One mood, all the time. Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
5468

I Like The Way You're Thinking
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" she asked.
"None," replied Johnny, "because the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking." Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
5469

Can You Help Me?
A guy walks in to see his doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I just can't seem to make friends with anyone," the guy replies. "Can you help me, you fat ugly bastard?" Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
5470

Light And Hard
Q. What's the difference between light and hard?
A. You can sleep with a light on. Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
5471

Getting Married Again
"Darling," a husband whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?"
"I suppose so," she replied.
"Would you sleep in the same bed with him?" he asked.
"Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice," she replied.
"Would you make love to him?" he asked.
"Honey," the woman said patiently, "of course I would. He would be my husband."
"Would you give him my car?" he asked.
"No," she yawned. "He can't drive a stick shift." Ryan Murphy