Renal Cell Carcinoma (Kidney Cancer) Support Group

Renal cell carcinoma, also known by a gurnistical tumor, is the most common form of kidney cancer arising from the renal tubule. It is the most common type of kidney cancer in adults. Initial therapy is with surgery. It is notoriously resistant to radiation therapy and chemotherapy, although some cases respond to immunotherapy.

Who/When/How to share the cancer diagnosis

My husband, dxd w/RCC 5/08, nephrectomy 5/08, mets to bone 7/09. We originally told family about the cancer diagnosis in 08, have updated family as to mets 8/09, and now, because I need to make sure I have FT employment, have discussed w/my employer. Just recently I have shared with a good friend/prayer partner about the diagnosis, as I could use some support as caregiver. Issue is that husband needs to keep job as long as possible (he's still physically able), so don't want to have the entire community of friends know right now. How do we decide who/when to tell people? How do you deal with people's reactions? It seems horrid to cause people to be distressed by the diagnosis/prognosis. Seems like you almost have to take care of them and their reaction.

This is a tough one. It is such an individualistic thing - deciding whether to share info and with whom. We kind of told everyone close to us. My husband had to have a lung biopsy and it went wrong and I needed the support of family and friends to get through the trauma of it all and also for advice and assistance as to where to go next.
The only one in the family who does not know about the mets is his 93 year old mom. She is being shielded from it.
SO, I would say share it with those with whom you feel close and who will be supportive. Acquaintances and casual friends do not have to know everything. it is kind of what you guys feel comfortable with..........good luck!
glors

Do you think that your husband's job would be in jeopardy if his work found out about this? If so....maybe it's a good idea to not share with too many at this point.

We openly shared this with all our family and friends. Everyone has been so wonderful and supportive...especially during Ray's three weeks in the hospital. When people call daily for an update, it makes me feel they really care.

Gloria is right, though. It's totally about what you and your husband are comfortable with.

Under the Americans with Disability Act, your husband does not have to tell his employer about his disability. He has a right to take disability leave as he needs and his job would be protected. My husband, who has been fighting this cancer for almost 8 years did tell his boss the details because he feels very close to him. His co-workers who know, have been very supportive over the years and have done a lot to pick up his spirits in the tough times.

As Gloria said, who to tell, and how much to tell is a very personal decision. Some friends of ours want to know everything and some want less details. Even our two adult sons are different about how much information they can handle. We wait for people to ask us, then we share what we are comfortable sharing with that person.

Most people we've shared good and not-so-good news with have risen to the challenge and have helped both my husband and I greatly.

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