Scenes from the Special Relationship

US President Barack Obama is visiting the United Kingdom as part of an official state visit. Past leaders of both countries have been fond of using the term “special relationship” to describe the US-UK bond. I’ve never been sure how to interpret “special relationship”. It’s the kind of vague label that a high school guy would use on girls to ensure he could date more than one: “Yeah, baby, I’m also seeing Monica and Kaitlyn and Kandi, but you and I have a special relationship.” The only time an adult would use the term would be with a raised eyebrow and a whisper, for instance to explain why someone undeserving got a promotion, “Sure, she’s only been here three months, but that’s all the time it took for her and the boss to establish a special relationship.”

I don’t mean to malign any country’s reputation by implying US-UK have been hooking up, especially now that Prime Minister David Cameron used the occasion of the state visit to emphasize he felt the relationship had moved to another level and was even more special than special, but rather an “essential relationship”.

Not to be one-upped, Obama said the relationship was like totally super, super special and essential and essentially special.
Cameron replied it was so special that he felt faint whenever America walked into the room.
Obama answered by revealing he has pictures of Britain in his White House locker.
Cameron responded by pulling out two identical yearbooks and saying one was for America’s signature and the other yearbook was for all the crap countries.
Obama countered by saying if he entered the lunchroom and there wasn’t a seat left at Britain’s table he would rather go without lunch than sit next to any other country.
Cameron assured him there would always be a place for America at Britain’s lunch table, and the two men embraced.

And to further cement this very, very special US-UK bromance, Obama and Cameron played doubles table tennis.

The "You Can Be My Wingman Anytime" Relationship?

The doubles table tennis pairing is sure to hurt the feelings of Canada and Australia, both of whom Britain had promised to choose as a table tennis partner. Canada sulked in a corner and was heard remarking to Australia how Britain was so fake and only pretending to have so much fun.

The "Give me five up high" Relationship?

Cameron showed Obama a special high-five Canada had taught him–right in front of Canada–and claimed he had invented it.

The "You Had Me at Hello" Relationship?

That’s Australia in the back, fuming only moments after Cameron pretended they were friends by exchanging a quick fist bump before ‘accidentally’ calling him Austria.

The "Why Can't I Quit You?" Relationship?

Australia and Canada stormed out while Australia shouted, “You’ll call when you realize Australia’s had three straight decades of economic growth!” Canada shouted at America, “You’re tied with Cuba for life expectancy!” Witnesses report the picture above was taken as the two countries laughed over Obama’s joke, “I’d rather be dead in America than alive in Canada.” Cameron answered, “Canada? More like Canadon’t.”

Ooh controversial. As a New Zealand-born Australian citizen, British passport holder and Canada fan (I might end up living there one day) currently living in France, I’m not quite sure how to feel about this predicament.

Even Nixon didn’t play ping pong in China. The special relationship is so special that both countries saluted our national anthem which is about the special relationship when the special British ships bombed “all through the night” our special fort in the special city of Baltimore and lit up the night with the special rockets with the special ” red glare. “

“It’s hard to get the puck to bounce high enough…” That was funny, Wendy!

This is one of my all time favorites, Paul. The two men describing their essential relationship had me tearing up with laughter. I think I hear Alanis Morissette’s song Head over Feet playing in the background. Do you think the UK is USA’s best friend – best friend with benefits?

And the pictures of President Obama…. his head looks photo-shopped in some of the pictures. Oddly smaller than his body. Funny.

You should have heard the telephone conversations between Obama and Gordon Brown a few years back. It was like “What up playa!” and “Nothin much bro.” and then a whole lot of discourse about liberal policies and then they sang Lady Gaga’s Just Dance and talked about how they thought she was a real artist. And then France would someone get buzzed in and Sarkozy would be like “Sacre bleu! The Lady de Gaga is a vrai artiste!” And then things got awkward.

I nearly choked at the appropriateness of this. However, I do feel like politics is all a bit like Mean Girls.

Very funny, Sir, very funny. As an English-Frencher, I’m still trying to find the balance in the special relationship between England and Europe. It’s a bit like being mom to very awkward and different teenagers. I feel for the EU leaders, I do.

You know, this visit has brought home how much I envy America when it comes to Obama. He’s what I expect of a 21st century world leader – intelligent, very cool and able to get shit done. He oozes charisma while Cameron just… oozes.

[…] States’ President Obama trying to relax in the UK this week. Paul Johnson’s outrageous Scenes from the Special Relationship features photographs of Obama and Prime Minister David Cameron chillaxing together while playing […]