There are times in a man’s life where he must approach adversity with determination and resolve, and there are times when he must simply void feces into his little track shorts and hope he doesn’t die.

By way of Fourth-Place Medal comes this video of Russian pole vaulter Dmitry Starodubtsev attempting a 19-foot jump at the 2011 World Championships in Athletics in Deagu, South Korea, and having the worst thing that could ever happen to a pole vaulter happen to him. Okay, somebody could walk up to you with a gun before you vaulted and kill you, but keeping things in the universe of poles and vaulting, this is the worst.

Stradodubtsev (whose last name literally means “star of Dubstep”) hurt his hand in the fall and had to withdraw from the competition, but assuming he had just as good of a chance of flying into the crowd and hurting his everything or ending up with a jagged pole point in his forehead he got off lucky.

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I don’t know about the worst thing that could happen. I seem to remember something about about a vaulter who made it to the top of their vault but did not have enough momentum to carry them toward the mat. They then just fell straight down to the track surface and died. So yes, I now am the guy on the internet who proves people wrong with stories they barely remember and with no actual facts to support the story.

08.29.11 at 5:07 pm

kevin n.

I used to vault in High School and this happened to me twice (my school had shitty poles). Of course it was never at 19ft, more like 12.

The best part is that when the pole snaps it sounds like a gunshot. It was the only time ever that anyone cared what the vaulters were doing.

08.30.11 at 10:28 am

FSJ

Having just read star of dubstep, I am now wiping tears from my eyes. Thank you B.

08.30.11 at 11:35 am

Brandon

@FSJ – Thanks. Coming up with what foreign names mean is probably my best and most marketable skill. Read also, [www.progressiveboink.com]