The pleonastic adventures of a lovely enigma

Archive for June, 2010

Here we go into one of my favorite, and most varied, Crush subjects: my Comedy Crushes. These were the top laugh-riots that came to mind. Now while some of these men & women are just attractive in their own rights, they are even more attractive because of their razor wit, biting sarcasm, or witty quips. And I love a good quip 🙂

1. Joe Rogan. Long before Fear Factor & hosting UFC, Rogan was a struggling comedian. Ok, so not really struggling. His brash, ballsy and sometimes offensive humor had earned him a devoted fan base. He has stepped away from the comedy mic for awhile to pursue his other passion: ultimate fighting and mixed martial arts. And somehow that just makes him sexier.

2. Seth Rogen. Jew-fro and all, I just think he’s cute. Thick, quirky, great timing… he just looks like he would be such a blast to hang out with. And isn’t that all most of us really want? Someone to make each day better than the last and someone who can make us laugh on even our worst days? I believe so.

3. Kathy Griffin. Come on, now. Bitchy, brazen, fearless and humble enough to laugh at herself. I not only have a crush on her, I secretly want to be her when I grow up. Minus the publicity stunts and plastic surgery (because, well, I hate cameras and will never have the money to get the surgeries. Lol).

4. Stephen Lynch. Guy with guitar? Check. Incredibly hilarious lyrics? Check. Catchy melodic lines you find yourself humming even when it’s inappropriate? Double check. I have gotten caught singing “Caught Me Spankin’ It” more than once under my breath when I worked at Dish Network. This guy is an epic win.

5. Brian Callen. I first saw this guy when he guest-starred on the TV series Reba. He was hilarious and charming. And had a heart of gold. I’ll admit, the character and the voice hit me first. Then I saw some of his comedy and realized he was even funnier as himself. Always a plus.

6. Daniel Tosh. This one had to grow on me. I always thought he was cute, but his comedy didn’t magnify his beauty until I was forced to watch about 3 hours of Tosh.0 by a friend. Boyishly cute and devilishly handsome all at once.

7. Bo Burnham. Another singer-comedian. But this one plays guitar & piano. Double plus! I think he started out on YouTube and then got his own Comedy Central special. His delivery and lyrics are hard to surpass, and New Math is one of my favorite comedy songs ever. It always makes me laugh, even if I just listened to it.

8. Adam Ferrara. Funny, NY Italians are a weakness of mine, too. They are just sexy, in a neurotic sort of way. And Ferrara lives up to that legacy. Most recently seen on the big screen in Definitely, Maybe, he showed he has dreams that extend beyond boob tube comedy specials.

And that rounds out my first installment of Comedy Crushes. Even if you don’t find them attractive, just listen to ’em. I promise, by the end you’ll want to sleep with them. Or at least make out with them. Lol.

Again, let me preface this by saying that this list will change too. I will continue to love all of these artists, but others may trump them in the future. I also had to do some hefty editing to come up with the short list. And without further adieu, here is my list of top voice crushes (those that I value, and/or find attractive, because of their unique and amazing vocal talents)…

1. Stevie Nicks. This woman’s career has spanned several decades and she is still producing relevant music today, even if she is sometimes paired with questionable duet partners (i.e. Taylor Swift). No matter my mood, I can always find a Stevie song that fits or helps me, whether a solo song or one from my favorite band, Fleetwood Mac. Not to mention how incredibly sexy that voice is. And look at that angelic face. I only hope that I’m as cool as she is when I hit 60. Hell, I hope I’m as cool as she is when I hit 30 (minus the coke addiction of course).

Which brings me to #2.

2. Lindsey Buckingham. He’s been there with Stevie since the beginning. Before there was a Fleetwood Mac, back when they were a couple writing and recording under the name Buckingham Nicks. This man not only has a distinctive and amazing vocal instrument, but he can play the hell out of a guitar! Sexy in the 70’s and still sexy today. Get on with your AARP self, Lindsey!

3. On to the Broadway portion of the program. First up, Matthew Morrison. Most known for his character on the hit television series, Glee, Matthew has been performing on and off Broadway for years in such shows as South Pacific and Hairspray. Killer voice, adorable smile, dimples and serious acting chops. What more can you ask for?

4. Christian Borle. Dork meets talent. Adorably cheesy, Christian played Emmett in the Broadway production of Legally Blonde. He has also had relative fame from the being in the original cast of Spamalot. Very unique voice, but totally cute!

5. Aaron Tveit. Aaron played Fiyero in Wicked on Broadway for a time and has also co-starred in Next To Normal. I don’t know much about him personally but boy does he just have the looks going for him. And a crystalline, emotive voice to boot.

6. Michael Buble. So once he was known as a crooning trumpeter, but he has since apparantly dropped the trumpet schtick because I cannot find recent recordings of him playing anywhere. But no matter, his voice can stand all on its own. A throwback to the days of Sinatra, Martin and Como, his sultry and silky voice is once again gracing the airwaves after a hiatus. I was worried when he came clean about a drug/alcohol problem, but it seems things are looking up for Mr. Buble.

7. Justin Guarini. My original American Idol. A seasoned performer of Disney parks, this talented vocalist can sing about anything. His genre-bending vocals helped land him in the top 2 of the original season of the show, which lead to a spin-off movie with Kelly Clarkson. I’ll forgive him for that atrocity. He has had several albums in the works and I’m looking forward to hearing more of him once again.

8. Ace Young. That hair, that smile, those teeth, that voice. An all around guy. He graduated from Idol to the Broadway stage in the revival of Hair. Some friends saw the show and sent me pictures of themselves with him. If I could have gone through the phone, I would have run over all of them just to get at him. Lol.

9. Casey James. Oh. My. God. That is about all I can say. I really love men with long hair, and I love guitarists. Some people think his vibrato sounds like a goat but I love how vulnerable he can be. And he can wail on his guitar. And I instantly fell in love with him when he went and picked up his neice during his exit song on Idol and sand/talked to her. Beautiful inside and out.

As promised, here is a list of some of my favorite men. This list will constantly evolve and update, some will get shuffled out and others added. But I’m sure you’ll agree with my picks, even if you would have made different choices.

Now I had to narrow it down, so I kind of just picked my top 10. Kind of. (About halfway through you may begin to notice my penchant for Polynesian/Samoan/Maori men.) So fasten your seatbelts; here… we… go!

1. Ryan Reynolds. All I can say is that this guy made my list back when I was “tween” before the word had even been coined. Back when he was on You Can’t Do That On Television. Now he’s a full-fledged star and fully grown as well. Gorgeous face, beautiful body and a killer sense of humor help him top my list (even though the list is not in any order).

2. Colin Morgan. This handsome Irish actor is just amazing. Most recently, he gained fame in America as Merlin in the fantasy series of the same name. He is so cute and talented and is just an everybody’s guy. Beautiful smile, cute rather big ears, and a great sense of humor.

3. Bradley James. A British actor who has also gained American face time in Merlin. Bradley plays Prince Arthur in the show, and is kind of the opposite of Colin Morgan in life and on screen. Beefy, rogueish, handsome and super funny. No wonder they’re both on my list.

4. Andy Whitfield. A Welsh actor/model this time. I do tend to like those foreign men, huh? Andy has been in several Australian sitcoms and a low-budget movie. However, in his title role of Spartacus in the new Starz series, Spartacus: Blood and Sand, he shows just why his appeal has jumped the pond and finally broken into the American market. I mean, just look at him.

5. Manu Bennett. Ok, now this one is kind of special to me. He’s also from Spartacus: Blood and Sand and plays Spartacus’ on-again-off-again enemy. But, let me preface this by saying that I have this fantasy man in my head that I was convinced just could not exist. This man would be a Maori or Samoan man, who sang/danced/acted, played rugby, and taught at a university in his ‘spare time.’ No man could have so many varied insterests and traits as this dream guy, right?. Oh how wrong I was. I ran across Manu Bennett on the show and was pretty damn sure he was Maori, but I investigated to see for sure. And yes, of Maori descent, sings/acts/dances, played rugby in college and routinely speaks at the university level. Holy crap. Yep, he’s pretty amazing.

6. Dwayne Johnson. I admit, I hate wrestling. I think it’s dumb and violent and really offensive sometimes. But, Dwayne Johnson is the best thing to ever come out of wrestling. Bar none. Beautiful polynesian features, great build, and that smile. Damn. Plus, the tattoos are an added bonus.

7. Taylor Lautner. Please forgive the Twilight banner at the bottom, but this was one of the best photos of him I could find. I normally really love long hair on a man, but with this kid, not so much. It pretty much reminds me that he’s a kid and that I should not find him attractive. But being the “cougar” I am, he’s really attractive. That body should not belong to someone his age. And yet, it does.

8. Temuera Morrison. I first saw him in Once Were Warriors. A haunting, strong film about a Maori family and the struggles they endure. I watched it as part of my research for my first overseas trip to Australia and New Zealand. Little did I know, this trip would give birth to my lifelong love of NZ and the Maori people.

I still find polynesian men of pretty much any descent to be among the most beautiful men on earth.

This week, I’m going to start a new post series dedicated to the many varied men and women that I have a thing for. Lol. It’s my Crush List, revamped. Ok, so let me explain…

When I was young, I kept this little flip notebook that I recorded all the men/boys I had a crush on. I kept this list from about 7 to about 15 and wound up racking up close to 500 names in my pad. I went back years later and read through the list, realizing that some of the attractions had faded, some had carried through to those current years, but that none of the names were repeated. And I also had a strange way of categorizing my crushes. There were talent crushes, face crushes, voice crushes, total package crushes, body crushes, etc. I was always a very organized child when I wanted to be. 🙂 So, I kind of wanted to revisit this idea. I still have a great love for many people for many reasons & these people have made the short list.

My next post will be one of my favorite lists: The All Around Man Crush. Get ready to feast your peepers on some serious eye candy. You can thank me now. Trust me. Oh, and you’re welcome 😀

Herein lies the dilemma: We are a social society and most social occasions either revolve around food or it is an integral part of the festivities. If we are to take part in these goings-on, we either have to cave and go down the slippery food slide toward another cellulite deposit on our asses or we have to avoid them like we have the black plague. Not the best of alternatives, is it?

So, we convince ourselves that we can go to dinner/drinks/that party with all the friends and avoid the food. We can pass up that basket of enticing garlic bread, push away that pile of perfectly fried tortilla chips, turn our heads from that cheese-laden salad sopping with oily dressing. We can even say to ourselves, “I don’t need to eat… I’ll just go and get a lemon water; I’ll be fine. It’s fine. Really.” All the while, we’re staring around the table, practically foaming at the mouth with food envy. When friends ask if we’re sure that we don’t want to split an appetizer or dessert with them, we assure them that we do not, while we are secretly fighting the urge to smack them in the forehead with an overdone breadstick, grab their fettucini, and run into the nearest alcove to devour it in piggy-peace. Admit it. We’ve all contemplated carbohydrate assault to get our hands on those forbidden restaurant foods. Who wouldn’t be caught off-guard by a free wand-o-bread being flung at their face or chips thrown like ninja stars to distract them from the missing enchiladas?

What we need to do is realize that we will have these foods again. Yes, we want them. But we do not need those fries/cake/pasta/craptastic calorie extravaganzas. When I was on Weight Watchers before, I made a promise to myself. When I would go out to eat, I would get something mundane: salad, soup, a plain baked potato… Something safe and ordinary. And when I went home, that night or the next or sometime that week, I would treat myself to an at-home version of whatever had tempted me at the Palace-of-food-sin. This way, I control the portions, the calories, the ingredients, the nutrition. I get it just the way I want, at exactly the time I want and I didn’t have to sacrifice my social life to get it.

I still have to put this back into practice. Shepherd’s Pie & fried foods are my weaknesses and things I haven’t been able to successfully recreate. Once I get my weight loss to a consistent tempo, I will allow myself the freedom to have these favorites once in a blue moon. But I know they are triggers for me and I will have a hard time keeping to my plan if I fit these in now.

The (much danced around) point is: don’t deprive yourself of human interaction in favor of weight loss. You can have both, you just have to be able to navigate the temptations with grace & poise, and keep your fingers far away from the flingable free food

Well folks, this week the weigh-in did not go so well. I was up .6lbs. Not horrible, but not getting me any closer to what I want either. I want to blame the gain on the meds, or on being sick, or not being able to work out, etc. But the truth is… I need to own up to my share of this. And my share is 100% of the blame. I chose not to work out. True, with a bronchial infection you don’t want to do cardio unless you relish feeling like you’re going to hack up a lung. But I could have done some core isolations. Hell, I could have just sucked in my stomach all day. Even that would have been better than what I did, which was pretty much jack squat. I also ate things I knew I didn’t need, and things I didn’t really want just because they were readily available and I didn’t have to take the time to prepare them. And we see where that got me. Almost back to square one. Well, damned if I’m going to let that happen again.

So this week, I renew my commitment to myself. I will take the time to treat myself well. This includes eating for my needs, not my wants. It includes taking time to exercise. Not because I want to necessarily; because I deserve the benefits of working out. I have a severe problem with self-loathing and I tend to use food as a way to sabotage my happiness or even harm myself because I don’t feel worthy of love or happiness or health. It’s going to be a tough road to change this type of thinking, but here is my first step. If it kills me, I’m going to write 10 things about myself that are good (and you have to know that in my head, I instantly refute everything I come up with… it’s a process. I hope to hell I get better at it. Lol). Here goes nothing:

I am compassionate.

I am a good friend. I am there when a friend needs me.

I can make my friends/loved ones laugh when they need it most, or just let them cry on my shoulder. I am good at knowing which one is needed in any situation.

I have to be pretty awesome because so many kids love me. I work with special needs children and I have a great rapport with all of them. That has to say something, right?

I have pretty lips. Not the best, but plump and pleasantly bowed.

I have very small fingernail and toenail beds. I used to think they were freakishly tiny, and would envy all of the beautiful women with those model-esque nailbeds and long fingers and toes. But mine have character. Small and dainty, they indicate that I have a gentle and caring touch.

I may not be the best at anything, but I’m pretty damned good at several of the things I choose to do. I sing well, I teach well, I play piano well (used to be much better though), I knit/crochet/quilt/sew well and I listen well.

I am well-read and intelligent.

I love animals and children.

When pushed, I can be brutally honest with myself and call out all of my faults. What is tough is finding nice things to say

Ok, that took a really long time. And most of these have nothing to do with my body. But even finding some personality traits to praise is difficult at this point. But I did it!! 🙂 And I’m proud of myself. A start is a start, no matter how slow or small.

So until next time, I will keep working, keep trying, keep visualizing and keep making time to take care of my needs. No matter how much it hurts at the time.