Frequent computer crashes happen because people press the W key too much. That key had been removed from all White House keyboards on my orders! Every time you press a W key, Bush knows what you're thinking... Also don't listen to static in your phone - you never know who may be playing with your brain. Some folks did that and wound up voting for W.

Whenever some denier points to all the snow on the ground as proof there is no AGW I set him straight. That's just the dust from collapsing glaciers. Now excuse me, I have to go throw another squirrel on the fire, my fingers are numb, my teeth are chattering and my skin is turning blue from all this climate change.

Al Gore wishes this message be broadcast over all Party telescreens: My gratitude to Comrade Child of Chernobyl for inspiring my new book and movie, "Smurfs in the Balance." Please send my Oscar and Nobel Prize to the usual place. -AL

So if I misunderstand you correctly. I may have my antecedent mixed up with my predecessor? Hmmm….. So AGW didn’t cause the blue mutation the color blue is causing AGW. If that is proven to be true then a major re-education campaign needs to take place. This is where science and religion collide I’m afraid. In order to reduce the blue ball phenomenon and in so doing reducing global warming the female of the species must how does one say this put out? It that what you are saying? An excellent observation.

Beware the Blue M&Mhttp://zurfeld.blogspot.com/Beware the Blue M&MBeware the Blue M&M: What the Federal Government doesn't want you to know about the Blue M&M. (as related to me by Dr. Zurfeld T. Cunningham)

Disclaimer: This monograph makes no claims or accusations for or against the Mars Candy Corporation and or the federal government. This information is simply to inform and communicate the seriousness of this situation.

On first examination one would not consider this particular confection a detriment to ones current situation or well being. Upon further examination and reflection it is obviously apparent or apparently obvious that this delicious treat does contain a harbinger of ill will and suspect use by entities as of yet still unidentified. This hopefully brief monograph will elucidate some further insight into this serious conflagration sweeping the nation.

Historical PerspectiveThe blue m&m first made its debut 1994 after an erroneous marketing campaign purported to let the world “pick” a new color. Sources close to the Mars organization have revealed that this decision was destine from the beginning. This color substitution marketing campaign was created to reactivate an insidious program that was de-railed due to the controversial great Red Scare of the 1980's -- when fears of the carcinogenic properties of Red dye No. 5 led to a several-years-long wholesale removal of red M&M's from the M&M nation. Make no mistake, the ferocity in which this program was conceived, was and is still determined to fulfill its ultimate diabolical outcome. To that end the establishment of a new “chosen” color allowed for the infiltration of this clandestine program back into the mainstream of American and world society.

Unknown QuestionsThe fundamental question still remains, why would this “black ops” organization pursue such a nefarious operation? What motivates these shadowy individuals into action? Could it be Roswell or Area 51? This information as related to me by the ignominious Dr. Zurfeld T. Cunningham reveals a shocking look at what lengths this unknown organization is willing to go to in order to achieve their objective.

Creation and OperationsBlue M&Ms have been genetically altered, some reports say that illegal cloning technology was used, in order to provide elctro-bio-organic emanations that can track and record the movements of any citizen who unwittingly consumes these confections. Extensive use of geosynchronous satellite surveillance apparati and ground based down-linked communications listening posts are manned twenty four hours a day seven days a week three hundred and sixty-five days a year. A staff of unknown size has at their disposal endless computing resources in which to fulfill their ultimate goal. Additional resources are brought in by means of black helicopters when suspected “hot spots” are requiring closer examination. This Herculean effort has been undertaken under the guise of ensuring the health and welfare of the general citizenry when in actuality this program is striking at the very heart of our civilization.

RationalBy making use of this unassuming morsel individuals who consume the Blue M&M are currently being tracked and monitored by this rogue outfit. Purportedly the ultimate conundrum pursued by this organization is to ascertain to exact location of Elvis.Knowing that “the King” reportedly had an aversion to “blue food” (credit here given to George Carlan) this operation is based upon the process of elimination. Having the ability to account for the whereabouts of an entire population will allow the commanders of this program to exactly pinpoint the exact location of their quarry.

Yes, it is, Comrade Olga, we can't have enough evil white men are bad, primitive natives are good movies. We must vilify the white man until he no longer exists, and I hope, at least, during Dear Leader's reign, that not a single white man will be allowed at the lunch counter. It's a glorious goal.

Comrade Chernobyl,

Smurfmorph is a term that was created here at the People's Cube as a result of a post made by Comrade Chernobyl entitled "Unprecedented PROOF that Global Warming Exists."

Comrades, we must protect these mutated smurfs. I demand equal rights for them, seeing especially as they are smarter then us. They've managed to make so much use out of so little, and leave as little a carbon footprint as possible.

Let us not invade them, but practice good diplomacy, let us learn from them, practice their ways, and live in a harmonized society with the mutated smurfs, so as another species doesn't suffer such a horrible mutation again.

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

Ex-president Obama declares Irma "Hurricane of Peace," urges not to jump to conclusions and succumb to stormophobia

CNN: Trump reverses Obama's executive order banning hurricanes

ISIS claims responsibility for a total solar eclipse over the lands of American crusaders and nonbelievers

When asked if they could point to North Korea on a map many college students didn't know what a map was

CNN: We must bring America into the 21st century by replacing the 18th century Constitution with 19th century poetry

Pelosi: 'We have to impeach the president in order to find out what we impeached him for'

BREAKING: As of Saturday July 8, 2017, all of Earth's ecosystems have shut down as per Prince Charles's super scientific pronouncement made 96 months ago. Everything is dead. All is lost. Life on Earth is no more.

DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: 'Give us more government or everyone dies,' 'Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,' 'Impeach Trump or everyone dies,' 'Stop the fearmongering or everyone dies'

Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power" is humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago

Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same

Study: Many non-voters still undecided on how they're not going to vote

The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George W. Bush

Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise