Tuesday, July 27, 2010

ups and downs

Quite a bit continues to happen despite having the application in. Two of the people that provided letters of recommendations e-mailed them to us so we could read them. Both of them were touching and more then I could have written. DH's best friend growing up wrote one that had me in tears and the other was written by DH's aunt who had adopted a child 18 years ago. Its amazing what great family/friends we have and this process really has brought out the best in people.

I am reading a book entitled Nobody's Child written about the history of adoption in Europe. The book has been interesting though I will admit to skipping large chunks as much of the book focuses on "Foundlings" which are defined as children that are left to be found. This practice has greatly reduced due to a dramatic change in the systems for adoption. It is still interesting to read adult's perspectives on their adoption, wanting to know their birth parents, ect. One story particularly got me was a woman that grew up in an orphanage cried when she had her first child because she just wanted her mother. This particular woman was never adopted so never had foster or adoptive parents but it got me thinking. If we adopt a girl when it comes time for her to have her own children I will not have any experience to offer her. Its little things like this that make me sad. Its not the loss of being pregnant or even the lack of having a biological child; however it is the loss of not being able to relate to my child's experiences due to missing out on the pregnancy.

While I was at my pity party I also cried about how I'm always the one that has to be understanding as others do not understand. I'm tired of having to take the high road when people are insensitive but I also realize that its not beneficial not to. For example in telling a family friend about the reaction of a family member he responded by saying "maybe both sides were unreasonable" when I expressed that I was disappointed in the reaction. Although I had opinions about the birth of their child never have I said a word because its not my role... I just wish others would just be supportive and did not try to offer unsolicited advice.

Last but not least my pity party touched on how I dont get the female benefits of pregnancy- the extra attention, the excitement of being able to give the good news to DH when I got my positive pregnancy test, the late night trips for ice cream. I know it sounds silly but its honest. One benefit to my pity part was DH agreed to provide me with 9 months of treating me like i'm pregnant after we are approved... that means back rubs, foot rubs, ice cream on demand, toe nail painting, and well whatever else I demand ;)

We also were assigned a case manager today which was not a surprise since there is only one infant adoption social worker. I am excited to work with her as she was very open and helpful in our initial meeting with her. We also learned that we neglected to pay $80 for finger prints and DMV records to be requested. I think i'm going to have to get used to how expensive this process is going to be... its only money