(CNN) Welcome to the first of April. It's like Super Bowl Sunday for dad jokes, a day when we can all wake up, fire up the internet, and sigh a collective groan at the barrage of cringe-worthy pranks, tall tales and PR stunts conjured up by desperate media companies and junior brand creatives across the world.

We'll be here as long as we can take it today, face-palming ourselves into oblivion as we catalog the good, the bad and the ugly of April Fools' Day 2015.

April Fool's Day. What a weird fucking idea: let's have a day where we just do shit, like whatever we want, and then say "April Fool's" afterward so it's all cool. I mean, part of me understands the premise, part of me thinks it's just a classic wild card move, and nobody needs a wild card in their group.

Keep your head on a swivel today, folks. Don't trust anyone. I mean it, those closest to you are your worst enemies on this terrible day. Just lock your doors and put in an old DVD (no Netflix or HBO, too susceptible to trickery), and pray that you wake up to a new day of reason and learnedness** in the morning.

* I am, of course, assuming this happens in Florida. That was supposed to be an obvious caveat, but just in case it needed to be pointed out, that "prank" only flies in Florida.