The Nurgs have done it again, another Bob Borc Cup final game. This is the team's fourth attempt at a title in one last game, and they're in good condition to take it. A Very Specific Time has picked a bad time to patch his wounds, but Pouring Rain and Leeroy the Lesion add to the talents of Gangrenous Gabriel, Rotting Roger, and Rancid Redmaul in just the right ways to test this greatest of Elf squads in all the right ways.

The Unionists seem to have mastered the BBC format this time, doing just enough to dance through while holding their team together, though Pangryff will be missed and only 13 lining up is not ideal against this runinous power. But Ys is here, and the great one, the unstoppable Viola. There's even Hysterix, who withstood so many a Norseman's boot last up. It's not a one-Elf show, but it's still the one Elf that really matters.

And in comparison? Wings of the Condor will have a few hundred in suprises for the Fun Police, who while they've seen them all so often before from a variety of elf teams, its perhaps the main reason they're not in premier today. They've built themselves a fine anti-elf machine to cope, and this will be the ultimite test of it, against the Elf Union with the ultimate Elf.

--

Our previous bookies went broke betting on big Nurgs, Terence, no one's got a pick here, except for the coaches playing down their own expectations. Perhaps to save themselves from an unfavourable pitch invasion should things already be going bad. Surely overtime favours the big hitters?

--

Or the Elves, Phillip, they only need three on pitch to run one in with half a nick of luck. The question remaining is of course will they have even three on pitch after the first two halves, should they fail to win it in regular time? The last second touchdowns will have been practiced to perfection, though they'll need to remove one of the immobile wall along the way, and that's not the easiest job in the world for Elves, is it. Viola? Gabriel? Who knows.

--

There will be many a broken bone after this, mostly Elves if history is anything to go by, but they might just take a title to go with them. Thanks to all our sponsors again, call us for the most reasonable rates, we'd love to hear from you. Halflings looking good in the fringes, of all things, surely that can't last.

The regular season round-robin divisions returns next with season 69, and we'll be a long while to the next BBC, come join the fun in the regions, mostly harmless little Goblin teams, as the top performing monsters rumble in the Premier division, and the rest fight for the promotion from the Conferences. Old and new rivalries alike will be kindled, from ancient teams down to first season rookies, come join the fun.

All this talk of rivalries, along with a second round matchup against SWL's newest Ogre Franchise has Coach Luo reminiscing...

Coach Luo and Coach almic85 have had quite a number of meetings on the pitches of the SWL. The grudge started early, with the Hngri-Hngri Lizzies doing in for a Gongoth Gargantuans Bull Centaur in the season 31(?) Trial of Blood.
The rivalry built over ensuing seasons, with the two teams meeting a further 4 times - and the blood continued to flow on both sides.
The Gargantuans eventually paid back the blood debt (and then some) but the Lizzie managed to keep a winning record over their hatted-and-bearded foes.

While those teams have long since retired to the greener pastures of the SWL Fringe, the coaches have continued to meet - Coach Luo's Dandies danced around the shambling Gray's Anatomy, while an Underworld faceoff in a more recent Trial of Blood saw yet more blood (and yet another win for Coach Luo's tallyboard).

Which brings us to the current season. Once again, two new teams face each other in a Trial, and once again the blood did flow. With the rivalry so entrenched, both coaches discourage their teams from holding back; upon meeting again in the Season proper, the casualties continued.
In the end though, Coach Luo's Libertines added another tally to the board.

Despite his best efforts, it seems the Coach almic85 has yet to beat Coach Luo on the fields of the SWL.
Will he get another chance? Will the Tigerjets languish in the Regionals division while the Libertines rise to ever greater heights?
The future may not be known, but some things certainly seem likelier than others...

Breaking News!! Its a draw folks!! and only 2 Cas were inflicted, its celebration in the streets and taverns for the Standoff Fans!

Coach Kano was heard to mutter angrily 'Darn Aggy elves and wrestlers. Well we will be waiting for them next time, we will look to our rosters and sharpen our claws and the stadium will be covered in pink frothy elven blood, and many will seek to join the Horrors!'

Do you get the impression Coach Kano harbours some sort of grudge Bob?

<cut to studio>

You might be right there Jim you might be right. Well in further News...

_________________"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"

Starting out as a hopeful Jouneyman for High Elvis, though why anyone would expect to be hired by that lot is open to question, but still he took the pitch for a moment before the firm hand of Rotting Roger guided him to the post-match function for the SWL Fun Police.

His very next game, and what happens but the Mummy Malachoch double kills him to be raised as a Zombie, where he took to the pitch and revelled in his new ... boots, trying to put them through A Very Specific Time, with little luck.

Congratulations to Harold Truespike, what a life, and death, and afterlife, story, all happening in SWL Season 69.

Kickbacks the magic goblin lived in the Southern Wastes
And frolicked in a conference named after some old Dwarfs
Coach tussock loved that rascal Kickbacks
And gave him balls to throw and catch and other fancy stuff

Oh, Kickbacks the magic goblin lived in the Southern Wastes
And frolicked in a conference named after some old Dwarfs

Together they would play in a team with B&C
tussock kept a lookout perched over the whole squad
Prem winners and admins would bow wene'er they won
Or everyone would frown as Kickbacks left the game in pain

Oh, Kickbacks the magic goblin lived in the Southern Wastes
And frolicked in a conference named after some old Dwarfs

A coach may live forever, but not so little gobs
Some days the reroll is done and still you must try the throw
One gray eve it happened, Bribery hungry again
And Kickbacks, that super goblin, he failed his wriggle roll

All heads were bent in sorrow, no apo can save the meal
Kickbacks no longer will frolic among the merry league
Without a legend hope, can tussock stay the game
Kickbacks, that super goblin, team looks a bit sad suddenly

Oh, Kickbacks the magic goblin lived in the Southern Wastes
And frolicked in a conference named after some Old Dwarfs

As captain of the SWL team Freezy Trees for the past 6 seasons I feel a strong sense of duty to look out for my players. This is the first occasion I've felt the need to go public with team business, but the bean counters on the Twahnlow awards committee have me furious. There is no doubt that Robert Vileorc is a special player, what he has achieved in the past few seasons is nothing short of magical. However, his antics in Season 69 were simply vile. Fouling is an art form, done well it is a glorious spectacle, an effective method of giving the crowd what they all lust for - blood.

The Twahnlow bean counters care nothing for this, they have no insight into the true talent on the pitch, they merely tally numbers. Robert took full advantage of these soulless imbeciles in 69. The ref would never send off a player for the soft tap dancing Vileorc displayed in Game 6, they were not true fouls! The Twahnlow bean counters accepted every one of them. Hoodwinked by a seasoned pro, but clearly a fouler who is past his prime.

I have however, a great respect for the All Star committee. You have always displayed great insight into your team selections. I implore you to choose Zower for the team of 69. It is clear to all but the bean counters that he is the true fouler of the season.

The High Tea Party would like the All Star Committee to note the record show:
Game 6: First Half Turn 8, Duane Darksnake was the only remaining player on the pitch for a pitch clear. Lying Prone surrounded by Freezy Trees, he stayed down, opening his arms for what should have been the most glorious moment of his pitiful career. The crowd was pumped, baying for blood, then what does this so called "True Fouler" Zower do?
Fertilise the turf with elf blood? nay, he Stood idle while a touchdown is run in.

To quote "Fouling is an art form, done well it is a glorious spectacle, an effective method of giving the crowd what they all lust for - blood."

The Season 69 awards were much less rowdy than previous ceremonies. SWL admin sent a party to observe and players seemed to be on their best behavior, no violence, no murder, minimal swearing, not even much drunken vomiting. The host of the event (some junior SWL official) was no Cobber nor even a Bazza, quite boring all round.

The liveliest it got was a bit of booing for the Silver Boot winner from a norse table. Also some loud sobbing from a bunch of groupies in the public galleries when the recently deceased (and apparently rather dashing) winner of two Silver throwing awards was unable to collect his trophies.

No dramas at a Twahnlows award cermony? Yeah that's never going to happen.

As the show wound down and the host started thanking his bosses at the SWL observation table, a sudden roar of anger erupted from a nurgle table. The table was flipped and up to the stage stormed a furious Bloater.

"but... but.. but.. you only hurt one person, no fouls.. you don't get an <gulp> award"

The loathsome brute bent down and grabbed the host by the wrist. "If you're not giving me my prize. I'll take this instead". A sickening sound followed, and shortly after Larry strode triumphantly from the stage, dismembered hand held high.

"My silver glove", Larry chuckled with great satisfaction, "not many have claimed one of these before"

It’s our pleasure to announce this season's SWL 'All-Stars' Team, and the representative squads for each level of competition within the SWL.
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League, and this season sees a blend of newly discovered talent and some of SWL’s all-time legendary players. This season’s All Star team sees the return of some familiar names, and the induction of a very promising new Big Guy.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXVIII:

Last season we fêted Damien Halford as an unlikely Captain for the SWL All Stars. This year he returns to make us eat those words while he helps himself to a second helping. Back-to-back captaincy of this illustrious team is a rare honour indeed, but for Halford it is only one of many accolades he has earnt in an outstanding career. He is a crucial member and onfield leader for the Glee Club and with them won his third Premier Championship this season. The 10 CAS he caused no small part of the reason they were victorious. The new rules which might have been expected to blunt his efficacy seemed not to slow him at all. He was able to cripple the rats and elves he faced, but also the heavier opponents. Three CAS against the little Thunderbeards in the final game of the season was a testament to how sharp his claws remain. He now has over 100 career CAS in only 79 games, and will be back to defend his title in season 70.

With last season’s All Star beastman, Drew De La Rocha, stepping into more of a passing role this season, it fell to Tanya “I’m Blue” Mustaine to pick up the scoring slack. Big shoes (hooves?) to fill, but Mustaine showed that she was up to it, scoring 9TDs for the Premier Champs. She’s got the agility of an elf and speed to burn, a sure set of hands for picking the ball up or securing it in her grip, and a wicked set of horns for any defender thinking about trying to mark her. Mustaine’s best performances were early in the season, where she set the tone with a brace against the Urban Nightmare and a hat-trick against the Meerkats. She was there at the end too though, scoring in the final game against the Thunderbeards and celebrating her team’s success with the best of them. She’ll be celebrating tonight too, having been named an All Star for the first time.

One of the few players n Premier capable of outrunning Mustaine was also the only player to out-score her. Eztletalpalli II is a young skink but has already stepped out of the shadow of his namesake and started to forge a reputation of his own. An astounding 13 TD season—in Premier, no less—established him as a Super Star of the SWL. He really has all of the attributes for exciting skinky play. He’s quick and agile, even by the standards of his kind, and seems able to sprint at incredible speeds without tripping over. He’s better at avoiding blocks than riding them, preferring to step aside or dodge away than risk being tackled. His consistency of performance was also laudable, scoring in every game this season, including four games with 2 TDs and a hat-trick vs the Meerkats. With 22 TDs from only 19 games, he’s on track to be a very young Legend… if he survives long enough.

Forrest Gump is a wonderful young Dwarf who already has a pool room packed full of awards and tributes. This season he returns to the All Stars for his second consecutive selection, earnt on the back of a stand-out Premier season in which he rushed for over 100 yards. This brings his career total over 1200 (in only 57 games) and his career average remains above 20 yards per game. For a team that relies on the running game, the Thunderbeards understand the value of this agile little dwarf in attack, but he’s also useful in defence, able to attack the ball and strip it from his opponents’ hands. He broke his jaw in the final game of the season, a brutal encounter with the all-conquering Glee Club, which will keep him out of the start of Season 70, but we know he’ll bounce back and be ready to give his all to another successful Thunderbeard season.

Crockat I has been a player to watch for some time now, a promising talent in a promising team and instrumental in their amazing first season in Regionals, all the way back in Season LXV. Since then, the rise of the Meerkat has been swift and competing this season in Premier, they showed it has also been hard-earnt and well-deserved. For Crockat I, this season was a break-out from very good player to All Star. Whilst he regularly inflicted casualties on his opponents—using his ferocious attack, swinging horns and sharp claws as if he were rabid—it was the triple CAS game against the Glee Club which really brought him to the selection committees attention. In one of the best games of the season, he was brutal and efficient, leading all players for blocks and inflicting serious casualties. It wasn’t enough to win the game, but it was enough to win his first selection to the All Stars.

Huge Axeman makes his fourth appearance as an All Star this season, but his first since LXIII. Despite the long hiatus, he proved in Conference this season that he could perform as well now as he did in his relative youth. An astonishing 14 CAS for the season, including at least one in every game and a match-winning 4 against the goblins of Bribery and Corruption showed that this old wolf needs no new tricks; the old tricks work just fine. As strong as ever, with that same frenzied ferocity, the same speed and sharp claws. He is an unstoppable force and strikes fear into the heart of any sane player who faces him on the field. Already a Legend of the SWL and Decennial All Star, he now becomes one of the most selected players ever to this team.

Like Axeman, Kai the Kobra is also a veteran player and Legend of the league. He returns to the All-Stars for his second selection after being overlooked in season LXIII. In conferences this season, he found more room and a little less pressure than he had against Premier opponents, and he made the most of all the freedom he was given. He rushed for 200 yards, a rare feat in SWL history, and scored 7TDs in the process. In many ways he’s the perfect ball carrier: ridiculously quick, super strong, sure of hand, able to dodge attackers or stand up toe-to-toe when they block him. His horns give him a blitzing advantage and make defenders hesitant to mark him too closely. He’s in a position to pass 1,000 career rushing yards early next season and if things go his way he may have his sights on 50TDs. If he hits both those targets again, a third All-Star selection would surely follow.

In an All-Star team based on running and hurting, Alejandro Marquez provided a tactical alternative. For the second consecutive season he threw for over 100 passing yards, at an average of more than 10 yards per throw. He was the master of the long-bomb, using his strong arm and safe throws to cut out his opponents and send the ball high over their head, down the field and into the arms of his waiting receivers. He was a quick player himself too, more than happy to sit very deep in his own defence and pick his moment before rushing forward and throwing for the end-zone. His efforts this season took him past 500 career yards (in 54 games at nearly 10 per game) and confirmed him both as a Super Star and a posthumous All Star.

One of the younger players to be called up to the stage tonight is the linewoman Vicky Parker of the Cult of Munroe. She’s certainly made an impression on Conference games this year, despite coming into the season with fewer than 20 games to her name. Few would have known her name when she lined up against the Mexican Standoff. She’d had some successes in her early career, without ever really dominating a game. By the end of that match though, she had 2 TDs and the attention of some important people. She would score a double on two more occasions this season, and finish with 8TDs and few completions as well. She proved herself capable against all comers, whether elven, undead, or Norse. In part her success stems from her unusual agility, but she also has a great eye for reading the ball, reacting to the kick-off while others are still standing still and watching. She has sure hands on the pick-ups and catches, or for retaining possession when her opponent tries to strip her of it. With over 300 career rushing yards, 14 completions and 15TDs, she’s developing into a valuable all-round attacking threat.

And so we come to a familiar part of the evening where perennial All Star fouler, Robert Vileorc is… wait. What’s the meaning of this. Stop. You can’t just. What is this. Security! Securit-

“Alright. Hold up y’all. Hold up. Robbie. Robbie, I love your wok man. Imma let you finish. You’re a great fouler. You been at it a long time. I mean no disrespect to you man but seriously now. Seriously. Come on! Zower had the greatest fouling season of all time. Of all time, yo. Robbie here had more fouls but what harm did he do? Zower killed people, man. He straight up stomped them to death. He injured Prince Moranion himself. He's the reason Marquez's All Star award is posthumous. 34 fouls and he killed four people amongst ten CAS. You got to recognise that. No. Hold Up. Zower was the best fouler this season. Zower. I love you man. You old bastards on the committee. We paid you! We paid you everything you asked us for. We lobbied! You got to recogni-”

Sorry for that interruption, folks. As I was saying, Robert Vileorc once again is selected to the All Star team. Congratulations, Robert.

The final inductee tonight is first-time All Star and a rarity for this esteemed team. That’s appropriate, because Bedlam is a very rare player indeed. A chaos ogre, he has managed to draw upon the favours of various dark gods and to eke the benefits of a balanced warpstone diet, enough that he has been granted many great boons for the science and art of the sport he plays. He has impressive agility for such a big player, stands firm against those who would push him, lends his aid to teammates fighting alongside him, all of which we might expect from an experienced ogre. But Bedlam has worked hard on his blocking skills with the All Sorts coaching staff, and he has sharp claws protruding from him. These talents allowed him to cause 10 CAS in his team’s undefeated Regional Champions season, and so we welcome the big brute to his rightful place among the SWL All Stars of Season 69.

Congratulations go again to all those named in the All-Stars Team. Last season we thought that the line-up was a brutal mix, but if anything this line-up seems even more so. The return of Axeman and the emergence of Bedlam sit alongside the ongoing development of young talent and the continued performances of proven stars. Much remains to be seen in the coming season, but one thing remains certain: only 11 spots are available among the All-Stars (a fact felt keenly by Zower and all his many fans), and for those recognised it is an honour which will remain theirs forever.

A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative squads, and especially to our first ever Runt selection:

So that ends another awards post-season. That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!