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Tuesday June 17, 2014 7:49 AM

Dear Abby: May I sit in your chair and give some advice today? It is aimed at men who put
profiles on dating sites, then wonder why they can’t meet “high-quality” women.

I’m an educated, decent-looking middle-aged widow who has dated quite a lot through such
profiles and social groups. Yes, it can be a jungle out there, but the Internet is a wonderful tool
for bringing people together.

I live in a small town, and the pool of eligible men is smaller here than in metropolitan areas.
Still, few profiles attract my attention and that of my divorced or widowed friends.

Gentlemen, some pointers:

1. Smile! A dour expression is unpleasant.

2. We might want to see you with your shirt off after we get to know you, but it isn’t the most
appealing or refined pose for a first look.

3. Be realistic. If you are Joe Average, we Jane Averages would enjoy meeting you. Are you
really going to hold out for a model who is a decade or so younger than you?

4. Be kind to the English language. You don’t have to be a genius, but it would be nice to know
that you can competently communicate in writing.

5. Consider a shave. Some women like men with facial hair, but most of the women I know don’t.
Most men older than 50 have a mustache, a beard or both. What are you hiding?

6. If you’re married and miserable, for goodness’ sake, seek marriage counseling or get a
divorce. But please don’t deceive women who want to meet a nice guy with whom to share a life.

In case you think I’m being too harsh, we gals welcome any suggestions from men who scroll
through female profiles looking for love.

— Surfing in Petersburg, Ill.

Dear Surfing: The top complaint I have heard about Internet dating involves misrepresentation on
both sides of the gender divide.

Dear Abby: My 83-year-old mother wants a tattoo. She loves classical music and has decided to
have a musical note tattooed on her shoulder. Should I institutionalize her or chauffeur her to a
tattoo parlor?

— Shocked in Garden Grove, Calif.

Dear Shocked: At 83, your mother is old enough to make this decision without your blessing. She
also seems to be young enough at heart that she might not need the ride.

I left my wife for this woman. I love her and would like her to attend with me. What is
proper?

— Danny in Delaware

Dear Danny: Because your divorce isn’t final, leave your girlfriend at home. Her absence would
be the most thoughtful and considerate gift you could give your son, his bride and your
almost-former wife.