4. Choices

We turned into Alice and Jasper’s room, which was once two separate rooms, but now the two rooms were joined…and part of the additional room was converted into a massive walk-in closet to accommodate Alice’s other obsession: fashion

The closet, for lack of a more grandiose word, supported three racks which ran the length of every wall and each were packed full of clothes—most of which were in protective garment bags—there was no organization as far as I could tell…but good old Alice:

Phoebe and Haley’s mouths (and mine to an extent) gaped wide and for a moment, I thought that they had frozen in time. But then they blinked and stared incredulously at her.

“Excuse me?” Haley asked, clearly still trying to wrap her head around the heaven of merchandise in front of her.

“Help yourselves,” Alice repeated. “I am the professional, and my vampire ladies are going to be the belles of the ball! I just want to make this easy and fun for you!”

“…also, she NEEDS to downsize!” Rose added.

Trying to encourage my friends…and before Alice could get any more ideas, I pushed Haley and Phoebe into the closet…extra room…whatever we were calling it now.

“Okay!” Haley agreed all too easily. Phoebe hesitated, and lingered in the doorway with me.

“This feels suspicious,” Phoebe said. Haley didn’t seem to hear, she was lost in the sea of fabrics. “I mean, you’re just going to let us take one of YOUR dresses…which we might have to cut up—we’re not the same size—and we don’t want to take anything that you might need or miss later…”

“Oh now, stop that. Everything here is just material. Replaceable. If it makes you feel better I can tell you what not to touch…Jasper’s things, which are right along this wall…”

Of course everything here was replaceable: we need to be able to just pick up and go if something should jeopardize our coexisting here. I knew this was true, and it seemed sort of silly to think that Alice would miss something or need it later—she could see exactly what events were coming up and what would be perfect to wear. Everything else was replaceable.

“Oh, and you can’t use this dress. This one is for Ness.” Alice said, pulling down a blue garment bag.

“So we should enjoy it while it lasts!” Alice retorted, a bit melancholy. And I knew she was right. I was going to grow up eventually and be frozen in time like the rest of them. And this was my one shot at a childhood. Everyone wanted to be a part of it—I guess I can endure this because this part of my life was not going to last forever, either.

So while Rose disappeared out of the room and Haley returned to fishing through the endless sea of fabrics, Phoebe and I curiously watched as Alice unzipped the garment bag.

What came out of it was surprisingly…beautiful. It was a simple black dress: it had a certain Chinese quality to it: ankle length, form fitting, with a high collar and short sleeves. It was black with red and pink cherry blossoms speckled around the dress. I surprisingly loved it.

“Wow!” I heard Haley pause from her searching, a few dressed draped over her arm as she looked at mine.

“Where did you get it?” Phoebe asked.

“Well, her Mom and Dadpicked it out,” Alice said. “And I just knew she would love it!” Of course you would.

From here, it was just a matter of helping Phoebe find a dress she wanted and suddenly we were all prepared to go to this stupid dance.

Haley had found this party dress: with a frilly midnight blue skirt and a white sash that wrapped around her middle. It was strapless and it actually fit her fairly well—she was pleased that her top would not need any altering. Phoebe was able to find a more formal looking dress. It was a black dress with a ballerina type skirt: a full skirt (it reminded me of a tutu) that fell to just above her ankles. But what drew attention to the dress was that all down the bodice of the gown to just above her waistline was a web-like pattern of rhinestone threads. It too was strapless and would only need to be hemmed up a few inches for her to comfortably be able to move around.

Nana Esme could hardly contain her excitement when we all entered down the staircase to show off our “vampire costumes”.

“Oh! Just look at all of you! You’re very sinister!”

Haley and Phoebe tried to bare their teeth in an intimidating grin, but it just turned out to be cute than anything else. And I laughed, and I felt my lips curl up automatically and suddenly tried to fight the smile to not expose my teeth. I didn’t have fangs, or venom for that matter, I guess I was just being defensive…

“Oh dear! Three vampires in one house! What could be worse?”

How about nine? I thought. Dad chuckled to himself, but I had a feeling that the joke was instantly felt throughout all of us.

“Well, I think that we should practice!” Haley announced. I felt my face drain of all its color…if that’s possible.

“What?” Phoebe demanded.

“C’mon! You’re not too old to have a little fun? C’mon, if we’re going to be vampires for a night, we need to play the part!”

“We don’t need to play…” I began, and I could feel the curious confusion emanating from my family and Jasper in a desperate attempt to calm them while trying to figure out where this was going, too.

“Well, as crazy as most of your ideas are, Haley, I agree. If we want to win, we’ll have to be the most convincing.”

“Wait, win what?” I asked.

“The Best Vampire Contest!” Haley replied.

“The winner gets a gift card to the book store over on main street. They have a huge selection on gothic literature I guess…” Phoebe added.

“Not to mention a week’s worth of homework passes…good for the rest of the school year!”

Now it made sense. I suddenly wondered how Alice didn’t see it. I felt Jasper relax and a wave of relief fell over me, I felt the color return to my checks, what little I had of it.

“Are you really encouraging them to pretend…?” I started, but was interrupted…

“Oh no, Phoebe, a human is not afraid of us!”

“Well just have to make her afraid!” Phoebe played along. I was not amused.

“C’mon you guys…you can’t be serious.” But the playful gleams in their eyes said otherwise: They wanted to pretend, to escape to a more uninhibited self. They wanted to forget about being mortal and how frail their lives really were. They wanted to play pretend…they wanted to be a vampire.

And suddenly I wanted to play too.

I wanted to pretend that there was no gray area of my life; I suddenly wanted to forget the balancing act. I wanted to let it all go and just either be a vampire OR a human.

…but right now, I was just the human. This means that Haley and Phoebe are…

I grinned widely. “Oh no!” I said and scampered toward the back door, pulling my dress up high so I could run more easily.

“Quick! Get her!” Haley exclaimed. Phoebe right next to her, they ran noisily through the kitchen and we all burst out through the back door.

The cool air would have been chilled enough to raise goose bumps on the heartiest human. The air smelled like the fall: crisp and the odor of dying leaves filled my nose. The wind danced through the trees and picked off the leaves that desperately clung for life. So much like a human, I thought forlornly.

I could hear the noisy trail of my friends stomp their way off of the porch and into the yard with me. I turned to run and hide from my hunters.

I ran more slowly than normal, but I was still faster than Haley and Phoebe. I hid behind a large shrub and waited for my predators to get me. I could hear their movements, clumsy and noisy as they tried to run in dresses, their human feet not really ever feeling the ground like our feet did. Our feet…

It was nice to feel completely human for a little while—fearful, impatient, innocent—I could hear them run toward the shrub and I could have dodged them at the last moment, but I wanted to see what my predators would do, so I let them catch me.

And what happened next was…well, I couldn’t actually explain what they were trying to do…but there was suddenly squealing and two warm bodies suddenly crumpled on me and a human pig pile was formed…

…and I was on the bottom.

“Guys! The dresses!” I exclaimed.

“Oh don’t worry! We’re being careful!” Haley replied.

“Alright we got her!” Phoebe exclaimed, and I could tell she was trying to adjust her eyes to give me a death stare…it wasn’t working. She stopped trying to focus and uncertainty came into her eyes. “Um…how do we…um…change her?”

I waited. I wanted to hear what their answer was. I tried to hold in a smile.

Haley stood there for a moment…I noticed that she was subconsciously running her tongue over her teeth.

“Like this…” Daddy’s voice ghosted from behind me and he picked me up in his arms and suddenly began to tickle me.

“Daddy! Stop it!” I was laughing too hard, my stomach hurt. Haley and Phoebe could only stand there and watch…they were laughing too.

Then he stopped and placed me on the ground in front of my friends. “There. Now she is like you!” He proclaimed. I threw him an incredulous look. If only it could be that easy. But what if it could be? What if…

Suddenly I was no longer human. I was Renesmee Carlie Cullen. I was a vampire. 100% vampire.

I was no longer fragile. My life was no longer doomed to an early death after so many years—I was immortal. I was dangerous; my very existence lured prey to me. And as I would hold them within my spell…Mom called it being dazzled…I would drain them and…I was venomous.

Venomous. The word rang both pride and a sudden restlessness in me. I was strong; nothing could overpower me, who would dare cross paths with the dangerous and venomous Renesmee Cullen?

“Ahem.”

A noise ripped me from my thoughts…I didn’t exactly recognize the noise until I realized that Haley and Phoebe were staring at me.

Oh no. Had I gotten carried away? Well, apparently because the noise was Dad. Dad had gotten in my head and saw everything I fantasized. It was him who brought me back to the present…who brought me back to my balancing act. I was not really a 100% venomous vampire. I was still just Nessie. I was still straddling two lives that would not merge to one lifestyle for a very long time.

I sighed and collected myself again.

“Right.” But I remembered that we were still playing…we were all vampires now. “We need to find others!” I ordered, keeping my vampire façade on. Well now, this is ironic.

“Others?” Asked Phoebe she was still trying to perfect her monster glare…she was still failing. I still struggled to hold in my giggle.

“Yes! Other humans. We need to feed, don’t we?” I asked, and it wasn’t a question. But as soon as I said it, my own thirst began to bubble up. I swallowed hard, trying to cool the burn that began to inch its way up to the center of my attention.

“Right!” Phoebe agreed. “But where do we find other humans?”

Haley looked around the yard…as if looking would suddenly make them appear in our little game. I swallowed again, their beating hearts were becoming louder to me. The itch was becoming more a grind against my throat; like sandpaper ripping off the top layer of my flesh.

“What about back inside?” Dad suggested. Where was he going with this?

“Good idea!” Haley proclaimed and grabbed Phoebe by the wrist and ran toward the house.

“Let’s get you in a more…calmer atmosphere.” Dad’s voice whispered in my ear. I nodded, the itch was now spreading from my throat and I could suddenly smell their blood everywhere…it left a sweet trail from where they had been leading me to where they were now (even though I could see them). Dad was right, our little game had brought out a part of my nature that I constantly have to monitor, I constantly need to keep in check.

However our little game had made me realize just how easy it could be to just let it all go. To escape from this balance beam and rather than teetering both sides of myself just give in to one. To be completely human or vampire …I preferred the latter; like Mom, there was something about being a vampire that just suited me.

Dad had his bought of rebellion, to let it all completely go and just be a vampire—wild, free, dangerous…venomous. The word still sent a thrill through me.

Dad sighed and urged me toward the house.

He had heard every thought, and I knew that we would have a talk later…not that we would really need to…he would listen in my head and would reply out loud…always a step ahead, knowing my response before I would realize it.

We made our way back inside, the itch starting to subside—figures, Uncle Jasper was waiting by the door—and I looked again at Haley and Phoebe.

They were still grinning, proud of their accomplishment of “turning me”. They looked extraordinarily happy. Alice wasn’t helping their imagination…

“Oh just think! When you get to the ball, and you three saunter in, the whole lot of them will be overcome with wonder! Vampires are designed to attract their prey…every one of them will not be able to resist you! Oh what fun! Then you can dance and dine and party the night away!”

“Maybe that boy that you keep ogling over in English will be there!” Phoebe jabbed Haley in the ribs. Haley replied with a quick swat of the back of her hand to Phoebe’s jab. Phoebe just laughed and Alice tried to coax this boy interest out of Haley.

As they spoke and got more and more excited about the ball…the contest…an uneasy feeling began to rise in my stomach. It reminded me of a time not too long ago when my family stepped forward to defend me against destruction against the Volturri.

Why do I feel like this now? I wouldn’t know until the ball, I supposed.