Wednesday, December 15, 2010

National Cupcake Day 2011

National Cupcake Day 2011 - I always think of muffins as cupcakes' hard-working older siblings. They toiled at their unglamorous but steady jobs while cupcakes waltzed off to Hollywood to try to make it in the biz. As the muffins sat behind the Starbucks counter, they secretly looked forward to cupcakes' not making it and slinking back home with damp and wrinkled frosting.

Then -- well, we know what happened.

Cupcakes made it big. Now they're being photographed with celebrities, they have their own reality TV series, and muffins are still stuck behind the counter, sometimes for days at a time. Cupcakes live in trendier neighborhoods than muffins. You can even buy cupcake carriers to take them from place to place without incident, like small excitable dogs! Cupcakes sometimes are arrested for transporting illicit substances. The most illicit substance muffins will transport for you is bran.

National Cupcake Day 2011

When you call someone "muffin," you picture her as a grandmother, or a cat, or a cat who belongs to a grandmother. When you call someone "cupcake," you're either insulting a big man or talking to an attractive woman in a slightly more sexist era.
Meanwhile, muffins trudge in to work every day and try to keep a good attitude about it. They spill perkily out over the top. But it's not enough. People write articles about how cupcakes are more than just cupcakes -- they're a reflection on our society. Muffins aren't a commentary on anything. They're just a breakfast food. Not that they don't try to keep up. But there are few things more pathetic than a frosted muffin. "This is the general concept, right?" it seems to say. "I don't really get it, but I'll do it. Why don't you love me?" It's like watching your grandmother dress up in heels and a tube top and try to send a text message.