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I THINK I'M DONE HAVING BABIES

I always said I wanted two children since having Noah, the possibility of him being an only child just wasn't something I entertained. As mothers do, I over thought a lot, envisioning him totally alone when we eventually pass away having made no family for himself and it was those thoughts that haunted me a little. I felt that by not giving him a sibling I was depriving him of so many moments and experiences that both me and John had, growing up with siblings. Of course those worries are all gone since we welcomed Patrick into our lives, yet immediately and I really mean immediately I knew I wasn't done having babies. I'd just gone through the most painful experience of a womens life, and I was willing to do it again.So almost a year later why am I feeling quite the opposite? Over the past year when anyone has asked me if we'd have another - because let's face it if there was an FAQ for mothers you'd pop that question on wouldn't you? My answer is always 'perhaps when we're both around 30, but not right now no'. The reason? It's hard. Really, really hard. I love my boys, and I know it makes life boring to admit but they're actually both incredibly good children, we've never had any seriously challenging moments between the two of them and they make me incredibly proud. That doesn't mean life isn't hard though. For example last week, we went away as a family of four to Alicante and the break was amazing, we swam in the pool, visited the beach, ate tasty food and lathered up the scorching sun, every holiday box was ticked. But it still wasn't fault free, we felt exhausted upon our return because in reality keeping two little ones entertained in an environment that isn't 100% child friendly is tiring. Upon reflection I think my children aren't really cut out for holidays abroad until they're three, because you don't have all those little things you have at home that bide you the five minutes peace. Childrens television, nope. Snacks they'll happily chomp on, nope. A jumperoo or activity centre, nope. It's hard! Thank fully now, next time we head away Patrick will be almost two and Noah will be four, I know that will be a walk in the park compared to now. Am I willing to add another baby to that mix just as life starts to get a little easier? Honestly, no, I'm not. I previously saw a post that I loved; explaining how money shouldn't be an excuse not to have more children, which in the most part I do agree with, clothes doesn't always have to be bought and you can find just about anything second hand these days. BUT, what about whilst your children are growing up, my boys were born exactly six months apart in a year, meaning when Patrick was six months old it was winter in comparison to it being summer when Noah got to that age - next to none of their clothes could be re-worn, which didn't matter so much to me as my taste had changed. But I think you get the point? Children are expensive, and childcare isn't cheap either, we're so fortunate that we have both my Mother and Nan who share childcare for the boys, but they also attend nursery for 2 days a week which totals almost £500 a month (bare in mind, Noah is 3 and receives 15hrs free) It is extortionate and if we had another I just couldn't afford that, meaning I couldn't work and again, that's not an option for me, I love working.

What about trying for a girl? Another I need to add to the FAQs of parenthood. Of course I would love a daughter, but I'd equally love another son, gender isn't a matter I'm too concerned about, since Patricks birth we realised that nothing is more important than a healthy baby. So, another baby for us I think is leaning towards no, for now. We are still young, something I'm incredibly glad about because it means we have a long time to decide yet whether we are totally finished adding to our brood. If things change over the next few years then who knows, but I think it's safe to say that you don't need to hold out for a pregnancy announcement from us and if you see one - it's all gone a bit tits up.