Thursday, February 25, 2010

It was Friday, and it has become a custom for expats in our company to attend a ‘Bible study’ led by two persons who are member of a religious Christian sect that originated some hundred years ago. It was a cool night, while traversing the path from the managers Villa to the Villas occupied by the majority of the workers; I can’t help but adore the moonless night, yes the little tiny twinkling lights are there still, waiting for dreamers to catch them as they fall to the ground. But hey this tale is not about the stars that I saw in the sky that night; this is about the stars that I saw in someone’s eye.

I was there sitting on the couch, waiting for the show to start. I was looking forward not on the pre-recorded TV evangelical show nor the free arrozcaldo that they prepared, but more than anything else, I am looking forward to see Enchong again. This was one of the rare moments that I see him on his shorts, smooth legs exposed, most especially- I can rub my shoulders against his. It has been his practice to get the seat next to mine for reasons still unknown to me.

Somehow I developed one trait when it comes to dealing with persons I am digging or crushing, I get touchy- meaning I touch them whenever I got a good chance, (somehow subconsciously) not on sensitive parts (but given the chance I will, LOL), firm taps on shoulders will do or on their waist. I only apply this whenever I feel that we have bonded as close friends already.

Then he was there beaming his signature smile, captivating pearly whites, and that air of cute confidence. As always he took the seat next to mine and golly wow he smells good. “maybe he sprayed a little so I can definitely smell him” told my brain. Aside from his eyes, I fancy his neck too, its so smooth I want to plant some kisses but whoops this aint the right place and the right time to think some malicious thoughts. Ok Ok. So as the people get comfy on their seats, the show started.

“I-add mo naman ako sa friendster…” Enchong whispered to me, as the minister started reading specific verses from the Bible concerning a topic raised by viewers. He handed me his mobile phone for me to type my email address. I handed the phone again to his hands, and then from there I saw his crotch. Did he accidentally pulled his shirt up so I could have a good view of that lump covered only by his shorts. “Hoshet” I told my self.

From there onwards I cannot concentrate on the person talking on TV. I had full view of his semi erected (I think so) something under his shorts. Numerous times I had to look at it, when he asked me too to add him on his Facebook, when he borrowed my phone for him to check this “dice” application, or when he asked me what version of mobile opera I am using. He was there to distract me, and I was willing to be distracted even though we were the only ones who were talking to each other in whispers of course. After an hour or so, the Bible show was finished, and the gathered people one by one vacated their place. Except for me and Enchong.

“Maybe I could make the first move, again?” “maybe I could ask him to accompany me to his room” “can I hold his hand now?” my thoughts were racing against each other.

“Ano ba yung twitter na yan?” he pointed at my phone as I was checking the tweets.

“ahh ehh…” I stammered

“Gagawa nga rin ako nyan, ano ba website nyan, I add moko ha…”

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We sat together as we ate our free dinner, again it has always been him at my side during Friday night dinner. It has become a custom. After we ate our dinner, because I haven’t “toured their entire villa accomodation” he volunteered to show me the places where they usually stay.

“Dito ka na kasi matulog, doon sa kwarto, lika punta tayo doon…”

“Ahhh ehh..” my heart skipped a beat.

He showed me the kitchen, bathrooms, Toilets, laundry area, TV room… and then there we were, in front of his room.

“Eto room namin.” He pointed at the big black number 6 on the door.

He lifted his face up and our eyes met each other, I saw stars in his eyes, I cant explain how those million stars in the sky could fit in those sockets. Amazed, I was. Enthralled, I am. In love, I hope not. Still wearing his gorgeous smile and showing off his pearly whites he slid his hands into his pockets for his keys.

(one)I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and how ill offer my lifeTelling you what I can giveAnd how ill live Forever And a day with you

But still you wont understandSo will you let me leave, Our heart shattering on the ground?

(Chorus)In every burning yesterdays andEvery mornings of tomorrowEvery magic of foreverIll be there for sureTime that heals all hurts and sorrowsHope and patience to wait, Dont wanderThis love is worth it, please dont falterLets find our way back home

(two)I could write a thousand songs Depicting how much I can love youBe the cloud, your air, heal your heartThe way ill save you from the stormFrom this lonely shed, ill wait dont fretTake my heart, hear my voice

But still you wont hear the melodyNor the words that rhyme, like you and me

(Chorus)In every burning yesterdays andEvery mornings of tomorrowEvery magic of foreverIll be there for sureTime that heals all hurts and sorrowsHope and patience to wait, Dont wanderThis love is worth it, please dont falterLets find our way back home

The story goes like this. There was a guy sitting at this waiting Shed, hes waiting alright, for him. While waiting, he thinks about this certain person, the most important person in his world. He wanted to let the other know how much he means to him, but he cant tell it to him directly. He just pulled out his Notebook and tried to explain it endlessly, all the thoughts might fill a thousand pages.

When the person whom he was waiting, came, he tried to give him his thoughts that he has written. But still the other person cannot understand him, cannot love him for what he was, it was painful. Then the guy left him at the waiting shed.

Still his love prevailed, he will wait there, he knows that one day his love will understand what he has written on the thousand pages. He will wait in every yesterday, tomorrow and forever that passed him by, he sings: "ill be there for sure" He wanted to find his way home, but his home was Him. only Him.

Then he was still there at the waiting shed. trying to write a song, he felt he can write so many songs, telling how much he loves him. He was a cloud, can be his air, can heal his heart. Then the storm came and he was wet and sick, he tells his love that still even though in his predicament he can still save him from this storm he shouts "from this lonely shed, ill wait dont fret, take my heart, hear my voice"

He assumes that his love cannot hear his melody, but it didnt matter he will always be there at the waiting shed waiting for his return- the time was his- healing all the pain and sorrow. He was hopeful and patient, he knew that this love was worth it and sooner or later he and his love will find their way back home... and yes he came back, his waiting paid off. Yes the magic of forever exist.

Well this is specially dedicated to two of my good friends. DD and FP also known as Popoy and Basha. Somehow the song was inspired with their story. Im so happy for you two. =D

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I Suddenly, I stopped & realized You are not there by my side To dry all the tears that ive cried, And suddenly, Youre not there to say Goodnight...

II Suddenly, I looked up and gazed above (the sky) You used to be the brightest star (of night) That guides me and brings me light And suddenly, The clouds erased you from my sight.

Chorus I: Suddenly I'm standing all alone In this pit of darkness, cold as stone Wishin you are here to guide my life The one who'll bring the light Suddenly im falling on a cliff But my wings are torn and cant be fixed All my dreams were shattered at that time Like a broken glass of wine...

III Suddenly, i learned that you have someone new Someone who feels the same way too He took your smile away and suddenly, Your love start to fade away

Chorus II Suddenly I'm sailing all alone Hoping you are here to calm the storm The only one who can stop the rain And ease the pain Suddenly I'm battling all my fears The strenght that i will need The wounds to heal The only one who can unlock the chain And help me win this game...

Coda: All of a sudden you are not here Another broken promise Another room to fill With blurred rainbows and black mornings what happened to us, to suddenly cut the rings that ties us both That mends the lies Which makes every morning seems goodbye.

Suddenly im close to being new...But i know it will always me and you...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

“Hey Cuz, ayan ha, Gumising ako maaga just to accomplish the mission that you have given me this day. So sa palagay ko naman maiinlove nayun sayo, for sure.”

Carlo and her cousin have planned this for over a month now. In Carlo's behalf, Jane scoured the nearest mall to buy Chino's favorite perfume, Aqua de Gio, ordered his favorite cake from his favorite bakery and reserved a bouquet of Holland tulips from this famous flower shop.

A half full bottle of Aqua de Gio was the perfume Carlo gave Chino before they parted ways, the one and only remembrance he has from him. The favorite cake was the cake they shared at the resto when both shared the sad part of their hearts and Carlo chose Tulips for Chino for he knew they will fit him more than roses.

With Chino's address on Janes hand, she will appear by his front door knocking, giving him, what Carlo's heart always wanted to express, his love…

“Jane ganito na lang, it might not be my time but maybe its yours, nagkatampuhan kayo ni Marv right. Ganito gawin mo, go to his pad tomorrow before sya makauwi. Place the cake on the table, prepare dinner. Place the tulips and the perfume box on the bed… maybe, just maybe… this is the perfect time for you to patch things up… for sure he will be surprised”

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I encountered this story through a friend way back 2003, the story was very simple but it strikes something inside of me... i was never the same after reading this one...please people take time to read this, I know you wont regret doing so…

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10th Grade: As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so-called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes, she had missed the day before. As I handed them to her, she said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I don’t want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

11th Grade: The phone rang; it was her on the other end. She was in tears, mumbling on and about how her love had broken her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she were mine. After two hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

12th Grade: The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date sick," she said. "He's not going to go." Well, I didn't have a date and in 7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, We would go together just as "best friends," so we did. Prom night, after everything was over I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her. She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't think of me like that, and I knew it. Then she said, "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her. Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "You're my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

A Few Years Later: I sat in the pews of the church. She was getting married, now. I watched her say, "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, "You came!" She said, "thanks!" and kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Funeral: Years passed, and I looked down at the coffin of the girl who used to be my "best friend." At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine. But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I wanted to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love him, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me. I wish I did too. I thought to myself, and cried.

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Tell the people you love that you love them so much.If you love him, tell him before its too late. Maybe, just maybe he loves you too.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

As I was looking back to the long years of my stay here on earth, I was trying to collect memories that connects me to February 14, otherwise known to us as Valentines Day. But as I dug deeper in the recesses of my brain only one memory reminds me of this infamous day in my life. The moment I knew how terrible the power of love in a life of an individual- proving to myself that when victims of love are born, murderers are made too.

It was late January of 2001. I was 2nd year college in a university in the province. I was quite cheerful and friendly, the way that I have always been, but there was something in me that makes me aloof to the topic of love, I don’t know, I was young and don’t buy its idea… my life was so straight- that is to finish studies, my aim was so direct and the idea about love and relationships never struck me until just recently. During those young years I’ve never been into a relationship (even now), and I don’t have any plans of being hitched. Pero I was intrigued on the power of love in someone’s life, Id like to try, I told myself.

I was then an officer of a departmental organization that made me acquainted with co-majors in other years/section of our department, thus, modesty aside; I was quite popular in our department. Then opportunity struck, I’ve heard from a friend that there was someone in a certain clique in the freshmen that crushes on me. My Gosh I told my self, syempre whenever you hear those words- someone crushing over you, boosts your ego. ‘this girl is so dumb, of all people, why me?’ I told myself.

I formed my plan to court her. She was really beautiful. I had no idea that time kung ano ang type ko sa isang partner, either girl or boy, syempre di maiiwasan to have crushes on cute faces sa campus, but something deeper than the good looks really do matter, but good looks do matter, (ayy contradicting). I think she made a turning point in my life, because through her I knew what I was looking for: a good singer & fairer complexion, that’s all. Chynna was a hump in my highway. Typically during my free time I sat beside her with her friends, meet and eat with her during lunch times. At the end of the day, we will together walk side by side- me at the danger zone of the road, laughing- me carrying her books, she kilig ever- to the jeepney terminal that will take her home. I really do think she’s already falling at the first week of February.

In the week of February 14, a regional sports affair was on going in our university. With all the frenzy on going at the oval, midday, there we were at the bleacher, me facing Chynna, while she was smiling sheepishly. Early in the morning I have acquired a beautiful red rose and three heart shaped chocolate from a student booth that sells valentine items, and in the exact moment I gave the rose and the chocolates she said Yes to me. I was happy that time, yes I have a girlfriend, may napasagot din ako sa panliligaw ko, but it was just half meant.

If that same happiness will be equated with the moment when Sonny sang to me the song that made me fall in love with him or the movie moment when I held Shard’s hand so tight I don’t wanna let go, the February 14 moment will not be a happy moment after all. The thing was, I only used her for an experiment, and im sorry I ever did that to her.

It wasn’t love, really from the very beginning. A stupid month passed by, and I was not the same with her, in my free time I wasn’t always beside her. I rarely eat lunchdates with her and its just a few times I gave my self time to see her ride the jeepney home. Though stupid as I can be, I never wanted to break her heart even more by saying, “break na tayo” ang gusto ko sya ang makipag break so that it would be her decision this time not mine. After a month or so. She broke up with me, of all places sa simbahan, napaka ironic.

I remember her saying to me in the pews of the church while we pray together:

Honestly I cant remember my reply, I think I said sorry. And I was really sorry.

She kissed me in the lips as she cried, turned around, walked away. Still, kahit masakit for her ang break up, we became friends. After a few months, during our organization’s acquaintance party she told me she was hoping that I would go back to her… which i dont have any intention of doing... fortunately someone was interested on her too, and she gave him a chance.

And from there onwards I was the one who always cry at the end of everything, I never found someone or if im interested on someone they are not interested on me. I was the one who is willing to give my all just to ask in the end

Sooner or later the murderer will also be the victim. If that is called Karma, I don’t know. God has his own way of making us realize how important love is and using it for our own welfare is a terrible mistake, sooner or later what we have done to someone whose only sin is to love us (more than themselves) will be done to us too- more terrible and heartbreaking…

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...Take my handAnd gently close your eyesSo you could understandThat there's no greater love tonightThan what I've for youWell, if you feel the same way for meThen let go

We can journey to a garden no one knowsLife is short, my darlingTell me that you love me…

Friday, February 5, 2010

(one)I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and how ill offer my lifeTelling you what I can giveAnd how ill die and live again Forever and a day with you

But still you wont understandSo will you let me leave, Our heart shattering on the ground?

(Chorus)In every burning yesterdays andEvery mornings of tomorrowEvery magic of foreverIll be there for sureTime that heals all hurts and sorrowsHope and patience to wait, Dont wanderThis love is worth it, please don’t falterLets find our way back home

(two)I could write a thousand songs Depicting how much I can love youYour charming Prince of the nightThe way ill save you from the stormFrom the lonely shed, ill wait don’t fretTake my heart, hear my voice

But still you wont to hear the melodynor the words that rhyme, like you and me

(Chorus)In every burning yesterdays andEvery mornings of tomorrowEvery magic of foreverIll be there for sureTime that heals all hurts and sorrowsHope and patience to wait, Dont wanderThis love is worth it, please don’t falterLets find our way back home

Monday, February 1, 2010

Look at us, so far awayim afraid that you area broken bridge away...Im still here...reminiscing the good-old dayskilling the painhealing what have been scorched

Used to be's are no morescars wont fade,even the tears- dries and fadesand loneliness is always a blink awayi can unfreeze your cold heartand refresh the hanged feelingsBut were broken, can we ever mend ?

just please step on the breakfor us to surviveour life is aheaddont fret- take my hand, both of itunto our oasisMy light is exclusively yoursjust open your heartand read the words in my eyeswhen will you let me see yours?

ill pick up the pieces one by onedont worry, its my choiceuntil im broken and emptyI hope you feel that i miss you, old frienddont let the red be invaded by blueyes, yesterdy seems so far awayforget the idle past, at least we have tomorrow

realizing that dreamingis for lazy people like meBut where are we?Can we get something our of thisdont change, change is forgettingyes, you turned your back and walk awaybut i will always see your face in every dying day