More Images

In sickness and in health: Love strained, strengthened with illness

Rick Perez, who had a catheter system implanted through the top of his scalp, would often stay at the hospital for weeks at a time to receive treatment.
During that time, wife Marta decorated the hospital room with décor from the couple's home, brought him home-cooked meals and stayed with him, often climbing into the hospital bed with him.

Published: Saturday, February 9, 2013 at 5:04 p.m.

Last Modified: Saturday, February 9, 2013 at 8:04 p.m.

When Rick Perez lost all his hair during chemotherapy treatments, wife Marta helped rebuild his confidence with her positive words. After Harry Tucker suffered a massive heart attack in 2009, his wife, Renee, spent hours feeding him through a straw and staying by his side.

Their wedding vows have been tested, but the couples claim these hardships have also strengthened their bonds and taught them the meaning of true love.

As Valentine's Day approaches, the Perezes and Tuckers reflect on how their love for each other grew despite hardships and illness.

"I think love and commitment are synonymous," Renee Tucker said. "There is joy in commitment and there is love in commitment. Sometimes it just takes on another form."

'WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER'

While driving to his job at Florida Hospital Memorial Medical Center in Daytona Beach last spring, Rick Perez noticed he was having trouble breathing.

The 47-year-old radiation therapy manager didn't think much of it, but asked a colleague to check his lungs just in case. After a series of tests and lab work, Rick and his wife received the news that Rick had Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin lymphoma cancer.

"I thought: 'I'm supposed to be healthy, this is what I do for a living,' " Rick recalled. "I had to swallow deep. My wife started shivering and broke out into a cold sweat. The doctors had to put a blanket around her."

Marta said she was in shock and forced to confront the reality of losing her husband of 25 years. "I didn't hear anything else after I heard those words," she said. "I just thought: 'What am I going to do without him?' ''

Marta, 47, and Rick were childhood friends while growing up in Chicago and a date to the prom sealed their fate. The high school sweethearts married at age 22 and moved to Orlando in 1992 after having their daughter, Chloe.

"My mother told me to wait until I found someone who loves God and loved me," Marta recalled. "And sure enough, that's how it happened. He was my first boyfriend."

After the couple drove home and the news of his diagnosis settled in, Marta said she prayed and made the decision that she was going to stay positive and put her faith in God.

"I said: 'Lord, do what you have to do and we will get through this together,' " Marta recalled. "My husband became everything to me during that time and it was all about getting him through it."

Rick went through aggressive chemotherapy treatments for three months and had a catheter system implanted through the top of his scalp. He would often stay at the hospital for weeks at a time to receive treatment.

During that time, Marta decorated the hospital room with décor from the couple's home. She brought him home-cooked meals and stayed with her husband, often climbing into the hospital bed with him. She whispered words of encouragement when Rick was so weak he couldn't stand or walk on his own.

"Sometimes she would spend the night next to me just holding my hand and softly humming songs of inspiration to keep me motivated," Rick said.

When he felt self-conscious about losing his hair, Marta offered words of encouragement.

"She would reassure me that I was equally as handsome as when she first married me and that it didn't matter what I looked like on the outside, because I was the same person on the inside," Rick recalled. "It brought a whole new level of meaning to our wedding vows: 'In sickness and in health.' "

Marta said her bond with her husband has always been strong and to this day, she still gets butterflies when he walks into the room.

"It literally broke my heart to see him so sick," Marta said. "I felt like I was in the depths of despair because I couldn't do enough for him. Despite the chemo and losing his hair, he was still the most handsome man I had ever seen in my life."

Rick's cancer is in remission and he returned to work on Jan. 2. As the radiation therapy manager, he can now identify with patients on a deeper level and he rarely lets them leave without a hug.

"I think this experience made our relationship stronger," Rick said. "Now we know what the relationship is made out of. She gave her heart and soul to me every day."

FINDING JOY IN EACH DAY

Harry Tucker's health problems started in 2001 when he was diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimer's.

But it was a walk on the beach in 2009 that changed the couple's life forever. Renee Tucker and her husband were discussing renovations to their then-Ormond Beach home when Harry, 78, collapsed from a heart attack.

With no one around to help and her cellphone out of reach, Renee used all her strength to carry her husband back to their home. When he arrived at the hospital, Harry underwent emergency triple-bypass surgery. He spent two months in the hospital and suffered major complications.

Doctors advised Renee to move her husband into a nursing-home facility because he would no longer be able to walk on his own again, she said. But after she visited the nursing home where her husband would live, Renee couldn't bring herself to put him there.

"I know we got the best medical advice that we could have but they didn't know the man I knew," Renee said. "They didn't know his spirit and I knew (the nursing home) would be certain death. Bringing him home, I knew he had a chance."

Renee hired physical therapists and home-care nurses but the majority of care fell on her shoulders. She helped her husband bathe, eat and gain back his strength. Eight weeks later, Harry was able to walk by himself.

"This is just what you do when you love somebody," Renee said about her husband of 30 years. "It just comes naturally. He would do the same for me."

Renee, 58, and Harry met while working together at his medical practice in Tallahassee. Renee worked in the office for the former orthopedic surgeon and the two were friends for several years before dating.

It was his sense of humor and passion for his patients that attracted Renee to her husband, she said.

Harry recovered from the heart attack but his Alzheimer's has progressed. He was also diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia in 2009 and is currently undergoing radiation therapy for skin cancer.

Harry depends on his wife to balance himself when his spatial memory fails him. He often struggles to find the words to express himself.

"He is still a brilliant man but he can't express it like he used to," she said.

But the bond between the couple is still strong, Renee said as she held her husband's hand outside their Daytona Beach Shores condo.

Harry wiped tears from his eyes as his wife described their love for one another.

"I have learned a lot about the joy that comes from a deep sense of commitment," Renee said. "There is plenty of joy in our life. But you have to focus on it and you have to make a conscious effort to find it every day."

SOLID FOUNDATION

Being a caretaker of a spouse can make relationships stronger but it can also put a strain on them, said Justine Bailey, a community liaison from Halifax Health Care at Home. That's why it's important for couples to have a strong foundation to begin with.

"We tell people to try and mend fences," Bailey said. "Do you really want the rest of your time together to play out with conflict? We advise people to make peace if they can because our days are numbered."

Bailey recommends attending support groups as well as asking for help from other family members or friends when possible. But leaning on a spouse for support during illness can also be instrumental in a person's recovery.

"It's something new in a relationship that they have been comfortable in," Bailey said. "It's a new way to look at each other and show that person how much you care."

Rick and Marta Perez say they are thankful for their new cancer-free chapter of life and being able to spend time together.

"This Valentine's Day, I shall cherish the special time we have together and will reflect on the deeper meaning of our relationship," Rick said. "People often exchange paper hearts as a symbol of their love, but mine shall forever be engraved in my physical heart."

Renee Tucker said she and Harry used to reserve days such as Valentine's Day and birthdays to commemorate their love. But now they take time to appreciate what they have every day.

"We are bound and determined to make this the best time it can be for Harry and for our family," Renee said.

<p>When Rick Perez lost all his hair during chemotherapy treatments, wife Marta helped rebuild his confidence with her positive words. After Harry Tucker suffered a massive heart attack in 2009, his wife, Renee, spent hours feeding him through a straw and staying by his side. </p><p>Their wedding vows have been tested, but the couples claim these hardships have also strengthened their bonds and taught them the meaning of true love. </p><p>As Valentine's Day approaches, the Perezes and Tuckers reflect on how their love for each other grew despite hardships and illness. </p><p>"I think love and commitment are synonymous," Renee Tucker said. "There is joy in commitment and there is love in commitment. Sometimes it just takes on another form."</p><p><b>'WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER'</b> </p><p>While driving to his job at Florida Hospital Memorial Medical Center in Daytona Beach last spring, Rick Perez noticed he was having trouble breathing. </p><p>The 47-year-old radiation therapy manager didn't think much of it, but asked a colleague to check his lungs just in case. After a series of tests and lab work, Rick and his wife received the news that Rick had Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin lymphoma cancer. </p><p>"I thought: 'I'm supposed to be healthy, this is what I do for a living,' " Rick recalled. "I had to swallow deep. My wife started shivering and broke out into a cold sweat. The doctors had to put a blanket around her." </p><p>Marta said she was in shock and forced to confront the reality of losing her husband of 25 years. "I didn't hear anything else after I heard those words," she said. "I just thought: 'What am I going to do without him?' '' </p><p>Marta, 47, and Rick were childhood friends while growing up in Chicago and a date to the prom sealed their fate. The high school sweethearts married at age 22 and moved to Orlando in 1992 after having their daughter, Chloe. </p><p>"My mother told me to wait until I found someone who loves God and loved me," Marta recalled. "And sure enough, that's how it happened. He was my first boyfriend." </p><p>After the couple drove home and the news of his diagnosis settled in, Marta said she prayed and made the decision that she was going to stay positive and put her faith in God. </p><p>"I said: 'Lord, do what you have to do and we will get through this together,' " Marta recalled. "My husband became everything to me during that time and it was all about getting him through it." </p><p>Rick went through aggressive chemotherapy treatments for three months and had a catheter system implanted through the top of his scalp. He would often stay at the hospital for weeks at a time to receive treatment. </p><p>During that time, Marta decorated the hospital room with décor from the couple's home. She brought him home-cooked meals and stayed with her husband, often climbing into the hospital bed with him. She whispered words of encouragement when Rick was so weak he couldn't stand or walk on his own. </p><p>"Sometimes she would spend the night next to me just holding my hand and softly humming songs of inspiration to keep me motivated," Rick said.</p><p>When he felt self-conscious about losing his hair, Marta offered words of encouragement. </p><p>"She would reassure me that I was equally as handsome as when she first married me and that it didn't matter what I looked like on the outside, because I was the same person on the inside," Rick recalled. "It brought a whole new level of meaning to our wedding vows: 'In sickness and in health.' " </p><p>Marta said her bond with her husband has always been strong and to this day, she still gets butterflies when he walks into the room. </p><p>"It literally broke my heart to see him so sick," Marta said. "I felt like I was in the depths of despair because I couldn't do enough for him. Despite the chemo and losing his hair, he was still the most handsome man I had ever seen in my life." </p><p>Rick's cancer is in remission and he returned to work on Jan. 2. As the radiation therapy manager, he can now identify with patients on a deeper level and he rarely lets them leave without a hug. </p><p>"I think this experience made our relationship stronger," Rick said. "Now we know what the relationship is made out of. She gave her heart and soul to me every day."</p><p><b>FINDING JOY IN EACH DAY</b> </p><p>Harry Tucker's health problems started in 2001 when he was diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimer's. </p><p>But it was a walk on the beach in 2009 that changed the couple's life forever. Renee Tucker and her husband were discussing renovations to their then-Ormond Beach home when Harry, 78, collapsed from a heart attack. </p><p>With no one around to help and her cellphone out of reach, Renee used all her strength to carry her husband back to their home. When he arrived at the hospital, Harry underwent emergency triple-bypass surgery. He spent two months in the hospital and suffered major complications. </p><p>Doctors advised Renee to move her husband into a nursing-home facility because he would no longer be able to walk on his own again, she said. But after she visited the nursing home where her husband would live, Renee couldn't bring herself to put him there. </p><p>"I know we got the best medical advice that we could have but they didn't know the man I knew," Renee said. "They didn't know his spirit and I knew (the nursing home) would be certain death. Bringing him home, I knew he had a chance." </p><p>Renee hired physical therapists and home-care nurses but the majority of care fell on her shoulders. She helped her husband bathe, eat and gain back his strength. Eight weeks later, Harry was able to walk by himself. </p><p>"This is just what you do when you love somebody," Renee said about her husband of 30 years. "It just comes naturally. He would do the same for me." </p><p>Renee, 58, and Harry met while working together at his medical practice in Tallahassee. Renee worked in the office for the former orthopedic surgeon and the two were friends for several years before dating. </p><p>It was his sense of humor and passion for his patients that attracted Renee to her husband, she said. </p><p>Harry recovered from the heart attack but his Alzheimer's has progressed. He was also diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia in 2009 and is currently undergoing radiation therapy for skin cancer. </p><p>Harry depends on his wife to balance himself when his spatial memory fails him. He often struggles to find the words to express himself. </p><p>"He is still a brilliant man but he can't express it like he used to," she said. </p><p>But the bond between the couple is still strong, Renee said as she held her husband's hand outside their Daytona Beach Shores condo.</p><p>Harry wiped tears from his eyes as his wife described their love for one another. </p><p>"I have learned a lot about the joy that comes from a deep sense of commitment," Renee said. "There is plenty of joy in our life. But you have to focus on it and you have to make a conscious effort to find it every day."</p><p><b>SOLID FOUNDATION</b> </p><p>Being a caretaker of a spouse can make relationships stronger but it can also put a strain on them, said Justine Bailey, a community liaison from Halifax Health Care at Home. That's why it's important for couples to have a strong foundation to begin with. </p><p>"We tell people to try and mend fences," Bailey said. "Do you really want the rest of your time together to play out with conflict? We advise people to make peace if they can because our days are numbered." </p><p>Bailey recommends attending support groups as well as asking for help from other family members or friends when possible. But leaning on a spouse for support during illness can also be instrumental in a person's recovery. </p><p>"It's something new in a relationship that they have been comfortable in," Bailey said. "It's a new way to look at each other and show that person how much you care." </p><p>Rick and Marta Perez say they are thankful for their new cancer-free chapter of life and being able to spend time together. </p><p>"This Valentine's Day, I shall cherish the special time we have together and will reflect on the deeper meaning of our relationship," Rick said. "People often exchange paper hearts as a symbol of their love, but mine shall forever be engraved in my physical heart." </p><p>Renee Tucker said she and Harry used to reserve days such as Valentine's Day and birthdays to commemorate their love. But now they take time to appreciate what they have every day. </p><p>"We are bound and determined to make this the best time it can be for Harry and for our family," Renee said.</p>