Last time someone asked you if you were homosexual. While I don’t have issues with any sexual orientation, I am curious.

I’m straight; almost embarrassingly straight, in fact. The sexual continuum theory is one I have no beef with, but I know perfectly well that I’m on the very edge: men do absolutely nothing for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out, but then I remember I’m lucky enough to be straight and white and male and not even a member of some relatively marginalized religious or ethnic group and I feel better about it.

Heck, I can speak in an assertive, commanding tone and people automatically assume I know what they should do! In any given situation! Do you have any idea how great that is? Because it’s pretty great, I tell you what.

I mean, I’m a Quaker, and that’s kind of obscure… but I wouldn’t say we’re marginalized. Mistaken for Amish, sure, but not marginalized.

* Also, don’t be embarrassed, MGK. You’re not alone out here on this side of the continuum. It would be difficult to find a more liberal, queer-tolerant upbringing than mine, but… dudes just don’t do it for me.

** Also also, did anyone else read that article a while back in a major, well-written periodical that was about a study of arousal in men and women? The upshot was basically that men self-identify accurately and respond in a consistent manner – straight men respond to pictures of naked women, gay men respond to pictures of naked men, et cetera… whereas women were so complicated that the scientists still weren’t sure how to interpret the results.

I think the scientists just said that so they could continue studying sexual arousal in women.

“Hmm, no, these results still don’t form a coherent picture. Hey, maybe if the test subjects wore tight spandex while watching the lesbian scene from ‘Bound’, while attached to electrodes to monitor their vital signs while I, er, observe, from the soundproof booth with the one-way glass? That could be the crucial data we need!”

I’m totally with you on the whole “very straight” thing. I thought in high school that maybe if I was gay it would explain why I was so weird, and I honestly tried- just nothing doing. Turns out I’m just weird.

“Hey, maybe if the test subjects wore tight spandex while watching the lesbian scene from ‘Bound’, while attached to electrodes to monitor their vital signs while I, er, observe, from the soundproof booth with the one-way glass?”

Toby S., those kinds of studies have pretty wonky methods. Their measures of arousal are the volume of blood in the penis and in the walls of the vagina. They’re two different organs, and no one even knows if/how blood flow relates to female arousal. It’s an interesting idea fo sho, but I’m not really sure anyone can trust their interpretation of their findings.