My mom just called to tell me that they're putting our dog Ted to sleep tomorrow.

I'm so sorry to hear about Ted and Coop. That is crappier than anything that has happened to me today.

My worst moment was when the boy I babysit on Fridays woke my kid up 20 minutes after he fell asleep. He sprinted upstairs, jumped on the Emperor and shouted "GREY GREY! GREY GREY!" I know he was just excited to see Grey again but jeez guy, I thought we agreed that we were going to let the baby have a nap.

My boss said "obviously" I would need to be able to drive around the state for depositions and other aspects of litigation in the future. He said "you do have a car right?" Me: "No I --" Him: "That's ok, we'll rent one for you or you can drive mine at some points." and I finished: "Actually I don't drive.""What do you mean you don't drive? Do you have a license?""Yes I have a license but I haven't driven in 7 years...I'm not ok with driving, I'm very uncomfortable.""Well driving is going to be necessary."

This comes in a kind of limbo-phase I'm currently in, when in 2 weeks the partners are deciding whether they can hire me for the long-term instead of just at-will.

We were talking about the 'It gets better' project and the general trend in bullying, and people were talking about their personal experiences. And so as a prelude to explaining my views on the project (I view it in part as a videographical version of the chicken soup for the teenage soul books (which were sometimes really REALLY dark)) but also recognize that it doesn't always get better and some other things...

But as a prelude I wanted to explain that I had been bullied, but I really didn't want to get into it, so I was trying to think of two succinct points that would illustrate that it was pretty bad... and in the time it took to go over it all in my head, as well as the time it took to get to my hand, I came up with simply saying that I'd been bullied viciously and systematically. That I'd been being called a lesbian before I knew what they were, that I didn't remember most of grade six, and that the kids used to get together and throw me into the garbage can.

I couldn't think for the rest of the class. I was trembling for a while and was really unfocused. I spent the rest of my time pretty much drawing points to put into the final project (which the professor is letting us do a comic)... Now I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything that isn't negative. It all just reminded me of how bad things were, how I stopped singing... How my time from 13 years old to 19 was basically triage humanity.

I don't know. It isn't a happy part of my life and I can't not focus on it right now.

_________________http://seraphsong.blogspot.com/Guilty of Being Sprite - They're probably just waiting for the camera egg to hatch, which would then create a much larger camera they'd quickly find.

Some random internet stranger called me "ugly" and it seriously set off a trigger in my head. So now I am crying at work and I can't stop. Worst, is I know it was some butthurt idiot. I KNOW it doesn't matter in my life. But it seems to matter in my deep dark psyche.

Some random internet stranger called me "ugly" and it seriously set off a trigger in my head. So now I am crying at work and I can't stop. Worst, is I know it was some butthurt idiot. I KNOW it doesn't matter in my life. But it seems to matter in my deep dark psyche.

((hugs)) People suck. Things like that trigger me too. It just brings up tons of old sucky feelings.By the way, I saw your picture in the user image thread, and I think you're quite cute <3

Some random internet stranger called me "ugly" and it seriously set off a trigger in my head. So now I am crying at work and I can't stop. Worst, is I know it was some butthurt idiot. I KNOW it doesn't matter in my life. But it seems to matter in my deep dark psyche.

((hugs)) People suck. Things like that trigger me too. It just brings up tons of old sucky feelings.By the way, I saw your picture in the user image thread, and I think you're quite cute <3

That meant more to me than I probably have words for. Thank you so much.

Some random internet stranger called me "ugly" and it seriously set off a trigger in my head. So now I am crying at work and I can't stop. Worst, is I know it was some butthurt idiot. I KNOW it doesn't matter in my life. But it seems to matter in my deep dark psyche.

That is complete crepe, don't listen to that jerk. The internet is where some people go to hurt someone's feelings for no reason. =(

_________________"I rebuke this thread in the name of Jesus." -Jagadeesh

Some random internet stranger called me "ugly" and it seriously set off a trigger in my head. So now I am crying at work and I can't stop. Worst, is I know it was some butthurt idiot. I KNOW it doesn't matter in my life. But it seems to matter in my deep dark psyche.

I so want to go retaliate for you but I don't really think that would help. Some people just treat other people like shiitake no matter what. ((hugs)) I hope you feel better soon and find some nommy comfort food to help.

_________________...the momentum of the present hurtling into the future..."Are we just talking about babies generally, or eating babies in tires with guac and salsa?" ~Fizzgig

I can't seem to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, and today I got hurt again. Why are these patterns so difficult to break?

they just are. i have found pain to be quite the motivating element for change. the first few times behaving different is awkward, but once you get the swing of things, the shortcoming-(if that's what you want to call it) turns right around to the beat of the freshest hip-hop music.

sucks: had to go to work sick and i have no sick time for the rest of the year.

i went to the huge cemetery where my...friend and i used to drink and take pictures of statues and tombstones and stuff. i walked past all our old spots, and just...i don't know. the general memory of it all made me pretty sad. i'm better now though, i think. i'm home, about to look at all the pics i took today, and i'm drinking tea.

another bad thing about today: i have to prepare my presentation for tomorrow, fork that.

i went to the huge cemetery where my...friend and i used to drink and take pictures of statues and tombstones and stuff. i walked past all our old spots, and just...i don't know. the general memory of it all made me pretty sad. i'm better now though, i think. i'm home, about to look at all the pics i took today, and i'm drinking tea.

another bad thing about today: i have to prepare my presentation for tomorrow, fork that.

It could be that the spirits on the cemetery are feeling lonely or forgotten, taking them some drink on Nov. 1st might be a nice thing to do.

_________________...the momentum of the present hurtling into the future..."Are we just talking about babies generally, or eating babies in tires with guac and salsa?" ~Fizzgig