About Me

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Stepping Out

Last Friday night I was reading the news paper and noticed a piece on a Forum that would be held in town on Mental Health I had never gone to one of theses forums before but after being thrust into the mental health system in 2009 when my child experienced the undiagnosed reaction to a prescription drug, I was intrigued. I think it helped that they were putting out questions: What’s working? What can we build on? What do we still need?.

We fell through so many cracks back then with services that were there and weren't listening, were there but didn't have to be there when we needed them the most while in crisis, were there but truly didn't get the impact that they were contributing to the problem or just weren't their at all.

I know in some of the cases it was because services were stretched far to thin to be of any use to someone in crisis. I truly can't understand why we as a society wouldn't take our funds to be proactive to preventing a crisis, saving far more money than being reactive causing more services having to be used to get control of a situation that could have been prevented in the first place. When a community is one of a reactive nature it is like trying to use a band aide on a gaping wound and seeing if it will work rather than stitching it up. Ultimately the person will have to come back and get stitched up causing twice as much unnecessary work and expense that could have been placed else ware.

I emailed with my interest in attending and on Sunday I received a reply that included this statement:

"I'm wondering if you think you could talk about your story from the perspective of "here's what families do/can do to support people who, for one reason or another, are experiencing a mental health crisis," possibly with an addition of some thoughts about what might better support families to play this crucial role?"

I was being given the opportunity to speak on a subject that I am passionate about. Would I be able to speak without my nerves getting in my way? I had to try because I needed to voice what was on my heart.

I tried writing a speech, before I replied, to see if I could do what he was requesting. I sat in front of the computer drawing a complete blank. What we had gone through was so much more on survival and instinct, not something that had time to put thought behind. How was I going to write about that? I sat and nothing was coming.

I finally decided to pray about it. I have to tell you it would be so much easier if I would just remember to pray first.

After I prayed the words started flowing as I typed them on the computer. I so thank God for that speech, if it wasn't for him my first speech would have never happened.

Here is what was written:

First I need to say Thank you to the Advisory Committee for inviting me to speak with you tonight. I am here to speak to you about how families can support those they love when they are faced with a Mental Illness. I, as a single, parent of two children, one of whom has Autism/ADHD and the other who was thrust into the mental health system after an undiagnosed reaction to a prescription drug caused non-coherent hallucinations that lead to calling 911 over 60 times in a 6 month period, I have had some experience supporting someone through the Mental Health System. I have suffered from a mental illness, as I have faced depression and after my daughter’s experience I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I come to you today hoping to use what we have journeyed through to help educate and create change that will hopefully be helpful and reduce the isolation that families feel when they go through a crisis of Mental Health. The greatest gift you can give someone with Mental Illness is to get to know the person behind the illness and what they face everyday as they battle against it; for many it is a very isolating battle filled with fear, shame and rejection for what they are going through. You can support them by not taking personally the effects of the Mental illness that are pointing your direction, many times the person has no control and would rather not be doing what they are doing if given an option. From the experience I have had, I find most moments of rage and lashing out are more directed inwardly than outwardly, as the person gets mad at themselves because they cannot control what they are doing. I remember my daughter coming out of one of her non-coherent hallucinations begging the police officer on her knees to please lock her up because she was becoming a monster and didn’t want to hurt anyone, as she looked at the added bite and bruise marks on me and she knew some how she had caused them. Setting strong boundaries is also essential for families, because no matter how bad it gets there are always certain lines that should not be crossed and if the boundaries are not kept you may be an enabler to the problem. My son was not yet diagnosed with Autism and use to go through rages, I know them now as Autistic Meltdowns, He would thrash his body around and be self injurious so I was taught to give him a love hug, a form of restraint. Any time he would rage he would be given a love hug; this was a boundary that was set because it was not ok to hurt himself or destroy things. Eventually, I would have to do them less often and then not at all because this boundary was set not allowing the self injures behaviour to continue.When we as a family journey through Mental illness it is important to keep a journal of events and conversations with names, dates of who you speak to and about what in regards to the Mental Illness for a few reasons. 1)You may be asked to answer questions by service providers and makes answering easier. 2)Journals help with finding a pattern to what is happening. 3)I found if there is a problem that you need to advocate for the person with mental illness you will have something to back you up. I have needed to go back to the Journals I have kept for both of my children and if it wasn’t for the Journal I kept with my daughter we would have not had the evidence that clearly supported the medication as the cause of her mental illness. My son’s case it helped in tracking triggers to his behaviours. Awareness of the shift in moods and personality are also important as there can be two serious reasons for a shift in these. 1)May be a sign they may heading to depression and/or suicide, as the feeling of helplessness grabs hold. 2)May be an adverse reaction to a medication used to treat a mental illness, causing more severe symptoms of the mental illness and/or physical health. All of us have a little voice in us that gives us what I have been told are red flags that tell us when something is not right. Trust it, trust yourself. You know your family better than anyone else and if something doesn’t feel right chances are it isn’t. What if no one will listen to you? Well we teach kids who are being bullied or abused to keep speaking till you are heard, it’s time we take that same advice, if you don’t feel you are being heard keep speaking until someone listens.We need to remember that we are all human and this includes the professionals and we can all make mistakes, the greatest gift you can give yourself is to forgive yourself when you don’t get it right because you are doing your best and that is all you can do.

I sent it off to him, to see if it was what he was looking for, along with my plan for the iblong Community Centre that I have proposed to Fraser Health. I received an email back Tuesday, the day before the event, saying Fantastic! I think I was hoping in the back of my mind it wouldn't be what he was looking for, so I wouldn't have to speak in front of a bunch of people. No God wasn't going to give me that out.

Many people I know don't realize this but I am shy. I was that kid in the grocery store who hid behind mom and wouldn't say a word.

Having to fight for my son and then my daughter I was forced to face some of my shyness to overcome some situations and because of that I force myself to go past my comfort zone until it becomes my new comfort zone. I hope that made sense?

I have to say I was excited to get what I needed to say out but also absolutely terrified to speak out in front of allot of people. I have allot of Faith, belief and confidence in God and that he will get me through anything I have to face, but as I am finding out I have not got the same for myself.

I know that when I am nervous I either giggle or talk like a road runner, either is embarrassing.

I remember a moment when the nervous giggle got me into a lot of trouble. I had gone up to the monastery, in Mission, BC with my friends and the PEI exchange group they were apart of. I was kneeling so the people behind could see, while the Monk was speaking. My knees started to hurt and my nervous laugh decided to pay a visit just as the Monk was speaking about their vow of Chastity, now try getting out of that situation unscathed.

Well back to what I was saying.

I would be speaking. I arrived at the event not knowing how I would recognize the person I was emailing with and had no other instruction of how this was to proceed. I guess it was a good thing I have my photo up on the internet because he had Googled me, I think that is the first time that has happened to me, so he recognized me.

I would be speaking after the service providers, just enough time for the nerves and anxiety to build just nicely. I kept telling myself I would be ok, now if my body would have only listened. My heart started racing. I was given the indication I could go now so I stood up and turned to the crowd behind me, was thankful there was one familiar face in the audience. I had earlier had brought up some of what I was going to say as there was a police officer there that was being for lack of a better word being verbally attacked and I needed to counter that as we would have not made it through 2009 if it wasn't for our local police officers and their kindness and compassion, so I had messed up myself and really didn't know where to start raising the stress level and lowering my blood sugars as I spent out to much energy on anxiety.

I was thankful that earlier in the evening others had spoken even though you could tell they were nervous.

I finally told everyone I would just read from what I wrote so that I wouldn't miss anything with my nerves, so I planted my face in my paper notes. I read like a roadrunner, stumbled and fought back tears but I made it to the very end saying almost everything I wanted to say and by the response I got it was received.

I have learned one valuable lesson about doing a public speech only have listed on the paper the points you want to speak about, do not script it because you are going to want to stay on script and it is impossible to do.

Well I also spent my first week outside at work and in grand fashion it has rained off and on, but I have to say I enjoyed just getting left to work and get it done.

I guess I should be leaving you for now as I start hearing the rest of the house starting to stir, as the morning starts. Have a blessed day or night depending where you are!

Thank you God for getting me through another week of my life, please continue to walk me through the rest till I get home. In Jesus Precious Name Amen.

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And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen 1 Peter 5:10-11

Prayer Reqests:

Please Pray for God to open my eyes to where he will lead me next.

Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Ephesians 6:19-20

My Prayer request is for this Blog to be the will of God, for what he wants people to hear stay fixed on their hearts and for anything not from him fall away from memory. My eyes to stay fixed on Jesus & my will to be in line with God`s will for my life, for our fathers prevision as I walk in faith and for me not to get in the way.

Please pray for God to place a hedge of protection around me as I feel the presence of spiritual warfare. Praise God for replacing doubt & fear with his word & promise as I journey.

I also would like to request prayer for my two children to keep their lives in line with God`s will and (for them to be baptized)Praise God for answered prayer as my Children were Baptized Nov. 28,2010.

For my mother to have peace in what God is leading me to do and for her to release me to follow the steps Christ has laid in front of me....

Please pray for a hedge of protection to be put over the members of my family, friends and future marriage & ministries. The covering of us all with the blood of Jesus.

Thank you for being a prayer partner!

Praise to the God of all Comfort

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced .............. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

2 Corinthians 1:3-11

"BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER" by Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christthat a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin,'I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,My flaws are far to o visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

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Songs that Speak to My Heart.

If you know the link to the official videos I couldn't find please share the link so I can post it instead

& if you have any suggestions of Christian Music I can listen to, I will post it if it touches my heart.

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My Prayer

God hears us & is with us no matter when where & who we are with. Lift up your Prayers God is Listening &

Please Join me in prayer:

1)Father thank you for the promise you gave us through your son Jesus Christ. I lift the people of this world up to you in prayer, you know what they are facing, you know each one of them by name. Father let your will be done in their lives, flood them with your peace, hope, joy, & grace. Fill them with your holy spirit on a daily basis. Place a hedge of protection around them & cover them with the blood of Jesus. Father if they do not know you draw them close so they can see you. Remove all barriers that would stand in their way to knowing you. Father transform us & help our eyes stay fixed on Jesus. Jesus if we ever needed you its now! Lord Jesus Christ please come.....In Jesus Christ Name Amen.

2)Father thank you for the promise of plans to prosper us and not harm us, plans to give us hope and a future.(Jeremiah 29:11) Father you have shown me your peace & joy you have for me, a peace and joy that is greater than we can fathom. Father I never want to leave your presence again. I don`t want to return to the way it was. I want to grow in the way it is. I want to spend my days lifting your name on high, praising you through every breath I take. Father transform and consume every corner of my being, take charge of my thoughts, my spoken words and my actions, let your will be done in my life, not thine.......In Jesus Christ name Amen.

3)Lord I ask you to shelter my children in your protection, shower them with your mercy and grace, guide their footsteps. Father I ask you to send any enemy that is standing against them to be returned back to the pit of hell where they belong. Place peace in their hearts that is above understanding. Allow them to shine your light into the darkness of this world and help their eyes to be fixed on you through everything that comes their way. In Jesus Precious Name Amen.

Will Do Speaking Engagements.

Praise be to God and Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who has comforted me in times of trouble, so that I can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort I myself have received from God.

I would love to share the comfort my Lord Jesus Christ has given me through the many troubles I have faced over the years, if you have a place or event you would like me to share the comfort I have been given please email me at iblong2the3in1@shaw.ca, please let me know which area you would like me to speak on, About Me.

Donations for Missions

Any donations that the spirit leads you to make to Northview Community Church's Missions Ministry would be greatly appreciated. All donations are tax deductible under Northview's guidelines for donations.

Northview Community Church/Missions Ministries

32040 Downes Road

Abbotsford BC

V4X 1X5

The Story Behind The Photography

The Story Behind The Photography:

I use to be band from taking photo’s even where I worked. I didn’t start doing photography until my family went through a trial that caused us to call 911 over 60 times in an 8 month period of time in 2009, due to my daughter having a severe undiagnosed reaction to a prescription medication.

I was given the gift of looking through the lens of a camera during that time to escape what we were facing if not only for a moment. I was able to focus on the beauty around me amongst the trauma we were facing. I was shocked when I started looking at the pictures that started coming out of my camera.

Early this year, after my daughter had signed us up at the Christmas show at the Tradex, we were filmed for a new HGTV show called “Consumed.” I was surprised by the positive feed back I received for my photography.

I was encouraged by what I heard to go further with my photography. I hope that if you find yourself facing something you can find a way to focus on the beauty around you if only for a moment.

HEAVENS VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held, quite far from Earth!It's time again, for another birth.Said the Angels, to the Lord above,This special child will need much love.His progress may be very slow,Accomplishments he may not show.And he'll require extra careFrom the folks he meets down there.He may not run or laugh or play,His thoughts may seem, quite far away,In many ways he won't adapt,And he'll be known as handicapped.So let's be careful where he's sent,We want his life to be content.Please Lord, find the parents whoWill do a special job for you.They will not realize right awayThe leading role they're asked to play,But with this child sent from aboveComes stronger faith and richer love.And soon they'll know the privilege givenIn caring for their gift from Heaven.Their precious charge, so meek and mild,Is HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD.by Edna Massionilla

iblong2the3in1 Photography by Design Page on

Questions Meant to be Thought Provoking

How do you define Poverty?

What do you see on the streets, a sign saying I'm Hungry/ I'm Homeless with the internal response being get a job/they are just scamming or do you see the person behind the sign who is suffering from poverty of being that won't allow them to get out of material poverty.

We are all the same, we all come with a suite case of experiences that create our being, the only difference is how it effects us.

Was their someone or a group of people that showed us acceptance & love by nurturing our strengths or by nurturing our weaknesses because this is what determines whether we have a strong sense of being or a poverty of being. How can we be the change in the lives of those experiencing the Poverty of Being?

What happens to relationships?

I as a product of a single parent growing up had no roll model of how a relationship works by my parents. I though did have my Grandparents. I grew up and went into relationships not really knowing what a healthy relationship looks like and this resulted in a failed relationships & marriage. My children have now grown also without a parents role modeling relationships, so they are one step farther from a role model of how a relationship works.What can we do as a society & children of God to break this cycle for our children & futures sake?

What happens to the child in the special need?When raising a child with special needs we are wanting to do everything to get our children as close to the stereo typical child as possible for their sakes, because we love them. We give them all the therapies & interventions we can squeeze in, because we love them or we have found that nothing helps at all and we just give up out of exhaustion. Have we forgot the child for the sake of the special need?Are we giving up on just the special need or are we also giving up on the child? How do we make sure we don't forget the child?