Overcoming PTSD and Self-Injury Through Yoga

As most of my regular readers know, I am currently completing my 200-hour yoga teacher training. There are several components of this training, one of which is a “Karma Project.” Our Karma Project can be any service work that meets the required number of hours.

For my Karma Project, I decided early on that I was going to teach a restorative yoga class for women who are survivors of sexual abuse. I reached out to the support group that I belong to, passed a background check, and set a date to teach. Because of the amount of props used in restorative yoga, I had to get permission to hold the class at the yoga studio where I am doing teacher training. Needless to say, it’s been a work in progress for the last two months!

Well, today was the day! I would finally be getting to share restorative yoga with people who have been through things similar to what I have been through!

I had spent weeks procrastinating on planning the class. Yesterday, I finally sat down to pick out the music I would use. My playlist consisted of amazing, emotional music that is near and dear to my heart. Things like Irish Tune From Country Derry, October, Adagio for Strings, and Horkstow Grange were included. If you have never heard these pieces, I urge you to find them. Composers include Percy Grainger and Eric Whitacre. Just the music alone for today’s class was filled with so much meaning.

Last night, I created a sequence. Five postures: Recliner’s Pose, Reclined Twist (left and right side), Side-Lying Pose (left side), Legs Up The Wall, and Savasana. I had my husband take pictures of me in each pose using just everyday pillows and blankets – no special yoga props. I created a handout showing how to set up each pose at home, with a written description of the poses and their benefits. Every participant got to take one at the end of class so that they can practice restorative yoga at home.

I waited until today to pick my theme for the class. As most of my readers know, it’s been a very difficult week for me with my trauma stuff. The quote I selected really resonated with me today:

Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.
-Thick Nhat Hanh

Freedom is what I crave in my life – freedom from flashbacks, memories, sensations, and anxiety. I was hopeful that my participants today would be able to relate to it as well.

My class went so great. I made one change to my sequence. Instead of doing legs up the wall, we did Stonehenge. Because no one in the room had ever done restorative yoga before, and there were five participants, I felt it better to keep things simple this first time. Throughout class, I talked about breath work. I talked about using a three part breath. I talked about counting inhales and exhales, and the benefits of lengthening exhales. I talked about cleansing breaths. And I watched. I watched as my students used the tools that I gave them. I paid attention to their breathing and their movements. I offered tools when I felt like they may need them.

After class, everyone talked about how wonderful it was. All of the women said it was the most relaxing thing they have probably ever done. And then, there was a lady who told me that today’s Stonehenge pose was the first time in decades she had willingly laid on her back. Because of her traumatic past, she never chooses to lay on her back. I could tell that she was really proud of herself. My heart hurt for her because I know that feeling. I know exactly how it feels to be so afraid of the flashbacks and the past that I can’t lay flat on my back. This woman showed so much bravery and courage by taking the risk in class today. I watched her start to squirm in the pose and I offered her cleansing breaths. I offered eye pillows for her hands and a sandbag for her shins. And then I saw her soften. It’s ok. You’re safe.

Because of her reaction in this pose, I decided to offer three different versions of Savasana. I offered a traditional, basic relaxation pose, but I also offered a reverse Savasana and Side-Lying Pose again. A trauma-sensitive class is about offering choices. It is about empowering its participants. Today, I felt like I was very in-tune to what my participants were feeling, and I was able to meet those needs through breath work, mantras, and options.

Being able to share the gift of restorative yoga today with these women was truly incredible. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I cannot believe I am in a place where I am able to help other people find peace – even if it is only for a little while. My whole heart feels happy right now. One day, I would love to just do this – teach restorative yoga to women who struggle with the same things I struggle with.

15 thoughts on “Karma Project”

Thank you for this post. It has inspired me to keep going with my blog and helped me to understand why I started writing it. Although I do not know you personally, I want to say I am proud of you. Proud of you for moving forward. Proud of you for picking yourself up. Proud of you for helping others heal. Proud of you for standing up for yourself and reclaiming your life. I know it is still challenging at times, but not many people who have been hurt in the ways you have are able to take charge and keep moving forward in a productive way. Thank you for your inspiration, courage, and strength.

Wow Danni, thank you for your incredibly kind words! I always worry that my writing doesn’t reach the people it needs to, but I guess it does… it always reaches the people it was meant to reach. You’re right: not every day is easy. I keep pushing forward because I hold onto the hope that one day it will be; one day every day will be easy. In the mean time, I’ll keep writing and people will keep reading… and hopefully the people who need to read what I have to say find it 🙂 Thanks again for your words of compassion and kindness. Keep reading ❤

I will definitely keep reading. And writing. I also cannot wait for the day I can legit breathe an actual sigh of relief and feel completely secure and at ease, for my fight or flight to actually be turned off and not feel like I’m always fighting for my life somehow.

I’ve been practicing restorative yoga almost daily since October 2015. It gets easier. I still have a lot of fight/flight/freeze action going on, but those healthy coping skills are becoming more instinctive now. And I don’t stay in that fear mode for nearly as long now, which is a great thing. Some weeks are still hard, particularly when I’m doing trauma work. But I get through it, and there is always great progress on the other side 🙂

A lot of my abuse was emotional. There was other abuse as well, but it’s tricky because I have the feelings but not the memories if that makes sense. I like the tougher yoga that pushes my body because it makes me feel I am in a positive type of control. I’ve often felt small and as if I had no control/say because of the emotional abuse.

I understand. In a trauma-sensitive class, even if it’s restorative, there is a big emphasis on suggestive language and offering choices so that participants feel empowered. Restorative yoga is the most effective type of yoga for balancing the nervous system and getting out of that fight/flight/freeze mode. I try to have a balance of vinyasa classes and gentle/restorative classes in my practice 🙂

Thank you! Originally I wanted to teach yoga to kids with disabilities. Part of me still does. But I’m also really eager to spread restorative yoga to people who struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and self injury 🙂

Thanks! We have training the 28-30th for yin and chakras 😃 Our restorative and trauma weekend is in August. I’ve just taken enough restorative classes that I felt confident going ahead and teaching it. My therapist is Relax and Renew Level 1 certified from Judith Hanson Lasater. I’ve done so much restorative that it’s actually easier for me to teach that than a vinyasa class lol