living fully. fully living.

On sticking around….

I wish I could say I’m a master of some sort of something. I’m not. I’m the epitome of “jack of all trades, master of none.”

I can bake, cook, do makeup and hair, write, sing, dance, play piano, plan the crap out of weddings and events, and sell cheese. Just to name a few. But none of them have I ever really taken the time to master. I enjoy doing all of those things. Every last one of them. I just don’t know if I have the gumption to really go full-boar into any of them and learn all there is to know.

Despite that, there are several things I’d love to know everything about. I’m talking, I would wish them from a genie. Specifically, I want to know all the languages and all the ballroom and Latin dances. I’m passable with Spanish (please don’t test me) and can be pleasant and courteous in French and Japanese. But there is no way I could have a full blown conversation with anyone in any of those languages. I took ballroom dance lessons for about five years and because pretty damn good at foxtrot, waltz, Viennese waltz, salsa, swing, and cha-cha. I even competed a few times. And whenever I see my dad, we cut a pretty good rug. He’s one of the best dance partners I’ve ever had! When I really think about it, I could probably throw everything I have at dance. I’m never not happy when I’m dancing. I get frustrated when I can’t figure out a step, but I’m never not happy. The same goes for singing. It pisses me off when I can’t find the right harmony, but I’m always happy when I’m singing.

As it tends to go with my life, I seem to always be most interested in the most expensive possible options. Ballroom dancing, craft beer, bourbon, shoes…you name it, I want the best of the best. I’m a “go big or go home” kind of girl.

Frick. Maybe that’s why I’ve never really taken to mastering any of the skills I possess. Part of it is a fear of failure (something I’ll likely always struggle with), but I think, more than anything, I don’t want to do something unless I can do it all the way, be the best, and enjoy the process.

I’ve thought about going to culinary school, cosmetology school. night classes for languages (Spanish and Japanese, specifically), and I have actually gone to school for wedding/event planning. I’ve even thought about going back to school to get my Master’s in writing and editing. I’ve just never actually done it. I worry about having the time and energy (especially now), not to mention the money. Ballroom dancing is one of the priciest hobbies I’ve ever taken up, but I’ve never felt that it wasn’t worth it.

One of my biggest issues is that I’m easily distracted. I can be the Queen of Procrastination sometimes. Even as I’m writing this, I think, “I have to finish this tonight, otherwise I’ll completely forget about it and it’ll never get done.” I have a lot of “issues” when it comes to sticking with certain tasks. I need to work on that. I’ll ways have to work on that.

So, you see, even writing this is an interesting challenge in completion for me. Writing one post every day? Holy crap. Who’d have ever thought I’d even get out as many as I’ve done so far? Not me, that’s for sure.

At the end of the day, I just want to be proud of the work that I do, no matter what that is…cookies, cupcakes, dancing, writing. Whatever it is, I want to feel like I’ve produced that absolute best I’m capable of. I hate the phrase “giving it 110%” because it’s a mathematical impossibility and illogic makes me angry. I always want to feel like I’ve given everything I can…100% of my effort, 100% of the time.