Saturday, June 25, 2011

"You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart heart heart is so jetlagged"

-Jet Lag by Simple Plan feat Natasha Bedingfield

*footnote: I actually find Natasha's voice a lil bit similar to Bieber.Yes i'm implying Bieber sounds like a girl.

lackof updates could only mean one thing; i'm too caught up with uni madness that i think i might just literally burst like a pinata,except pinatas are all about candies,NOT tempers.as i might or might not have mentioned before in the previous posts,my mood swings are unpredictable,it's a weakness of mine that i have yet to rectify.my temper goes up and down a little too frequently ; it scares me.one second i'm laughing my ass off at someone's joke,the next i'll just start giving people the silent treatment and get pissed off too damn easily.i've been insomniac for the past couple of days and on Wednesday,i stayed up super late (how late?4.30am late enough for you?) ignoring the fact that i have classes that commence at 8 the next morning.outcome?for the first time ever,during E-Biz class,i dozed off with my eyes open --- and miss Hema actually noticed it! only my closest friends would actually realise how fake my laughter was that day.in the morning,i had someone asking me whether i was well,simply because i walk aimlessly through the hallways and fell asleep with my head on my desk before the lecturers came into class.i tried to be happy,i really did,but there's something inside me,telling me to stop lying to myself.i'm NOT OK and i do NOT know how long will this last.i have to try to get my life back on track..

back to the song snippet i pasted up there,i'm sure you've heard of the song?"Jet Lag",i've been hearing it on the radio every morning on my way to uni,but i just couldn't catch the song title till two days ago.i managed to memorise the chorus and BAM! now i know what's it called.somehow,the song (especially the quote) describes how i've been feeling.JET LAGGED,that's a great metaphor.i had my heart flying so high that when it landed,i'm jet lagged enough to be fragile.and guess what,i think i have finally discovered the root to all my depressions : maybe,just MAYBE i have fallen for someone,not just anyone,someone i've considered as a brother.how bizarre can i get?i know we're not blood-related,but it feels like (sorry to say) a case of an incest in some way.i love him,but as a brother but the love i'm feeling now is actually expanding into something far beyond that.we connected to well lately that i think it might be impossible for me to somehow set a distance to get rid of this feelings i have.i was wrong to think that considering someone close as your sibling would stop you from falling for him,it actually makes it more complicated! to also think that it's only been almost 3 months since i broke up with 'that guy' somehow stops me from widening my horizon to look for potential men to fill the empty space for me.

my instincts are telling me there's something somewhere when he asked me out and i seem to go all out to meet him.then again,i might be misled.scratch that,i'm always misled.