I have a few criticisms, though. First, your punctuation errors (although no show-stoppers) stick out like a sore thumb. It might be worth getting someone to beta-read for you: I am usually available at British times (although I tend not to use our #hboff IRC channel much, if you announce your presence in the thread on General Discussion someone might jump on—I'm sometimes available in the evening, British time, so if I spot you I might hop on.)

Secondly, you use adverbs a lot. As a general rule adverbs should be avoided like the plague. Actually, that's overkill: the trouble with adverbs is that if you use more than one in a short space, they become painfully obvious when reading it. There's no magic bullet for dealing with it, but usually if you leave it for a few days once finished and then re-read it, you'll find yourself scribbling blue pencil over it like it's a pornographic colouring book.

Overall, however, it's good fun, and I'm enjoying it. Good work! _________________The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing."(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??"