Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

why am i not good enough

why have i been all he needed all though our marriage , it was a good marriage , a solid one so i thought , nothing and noone could ever come between us we were devoted to each other worshipped the ground each other walked on then wham 6 months ago he meets a grrek woman online and im no longer good enough hes flying out there to start a new life and destroyed mine to the point i really dont want to live im so in love with him , i want to hate him for what hes done to me but i cant maybe the hate will follow but right now im in too much pain , why cant he see what hes doing is hurting me , does he even care i know we could have the perfect marriage again i just need the chance to show him but hes just so stubburn and wont back down i know we and myself would be ok if we were back together but i just cant see the point without him i was applying for othe jobs and got interveiw in another part of country i was going to go there change my name leave no contact with anyone i dont really matter to anyone apart from my daughtr maybe my son but he doesnt care that much , i wouldnt be missed if i decided to dissappear off the face of the earth ive been thrown on the rubbish heap i mite as well be there than this sad hurtful painful existance

Why do you keep talking about having the perfect marriage? Was it really? If so, then why is he cheating on you and why are you the one that NEEDS to prove anything to him?

Seems to me that you could have possibly been in a very controlling relationship..... it sounds to me that possibly your self-esteem is so low that you are actually accepting blame for something that he did and is still doing.... please seek counselling... it will help you allot to regain your self respect and dignity!

Empathy...i really do feel you with what you're saying and i am so sorry you are experienceing this hell....please fight the desire to give up, give in, lay down etc.

you matter...you matter ..you matter..

You really do....you were ok before you met him and you will be ok again...and maybe this time you will be given a man who wont ever do this to you...or you might reconcile one day...who knows...but i know that you matter...you are valuable...and dont allow anyone to take that from you.

he is the one not good enough for you. anyone that would get on the internet meet someone, say they fell in love and just up and leave their family is an ass. yes, this is a very painful experience, but the best revenge is pulling yourself up and starting a brand new life. one where you have to make yourself happy. don't give up. you did nothing wrong. you have a son and daughter that need you, they already had one parent that checked out on them. it gets better, i promise, it just takes time. xoxoxoxoxoxox

You said that you could have a great marriage again if he would only give you the chance.....you don't need the chance....he does! You did not cheat..you did not leave....you are not jumping on a plane...so what change do you need to make. Unless you want to become Greek (and he will tire of that soon) there is no change for him you need to make. Now you can change for you...looking at yourself in the mirrior and remind yourself that as you said you were good enough for years. Did something happen to you to make you not good enough? I would bet no. Sure we all change over time (sometimes the change is not always for the best), but when the train started to leave the tracks you worked. So again you need to change nothing for him. Be yourself and realize that you have not been discarded. There are tons of us on that heap you talk about. I vote we search the heap long enough to find an unopened six pack and turn it into a party. You have worth to many more than just your children. Be strong...the fact that you have the strength to post her shows you still have the drive to move forward. Remember that if you find yourself in a position where you can't run forward then walk...if you can't walk than crawl...if you can't crawl than lean....always go forward.

Time for you to realize that you're a good person who deserves a better life.
You have to start by understanding you have to take control of your feelings about him leaving.
Try to move on and think about a better day to come, There will be better days and clarity for you. Distract yourself when ever you start feeling like this. Find good thoughts and tell yourself good things about you for starters. You are not the problem.
I wish you the best and (((( Hugs )))
Hang in there

thank you all so much for your replies , i have just been to councilling i needed to before i did something stupid only today coming home i was so tempted to put my car through a wall then thought knowing my luck id just have horrific injuries and survive , came home and sobbed my heart out thinking what can i do next to win him back , when i couldnt come up with anything thought about ending my sad existance again so rang for an appointment i was lucky to get a cancellation , she pointed out im taking all the blame onto my shoulders im internally beating myself up and there is no need ive done nothing wrong so instead of thinking what ive lost although it hurts im thinking about what i can have ,a new me , a new life , a new outlook maybe even a new man in time dont get me wrong i know its not going to be easy and i know its going to take time but that time starts now .im thinking about me and he can do what the hell he likes im not sitting about waiting for him im better than that and i desrve better hes being a total asshole well let him be an asshole elsewhere i dont need an asshole if he hasnt got the guts to stay and take responsibility then hes not a man hes an ass thanks for making me see sense im a lot better person than he will ever be i dont run from my problems i fight them like a man (well woman in my case )

(((HUGS))) so glad you're getting counseling. You do deserve so much more than this self centered person who tossed you away. When ever you get those thoughts of dissapearing think about those kids and what you owe them. They deserve to have a mother that has self esteem and loves herself. You will get through this journey, keep coming to DS, write journals and keep going to counseling. Have patience and faith, as difficult as it is at times try and look at something positive each day.

ty duvall it means alot to know theres people out there that really do care you lot have shown me more care and compassion than he has lately so wtf am i upset for im starting from now thinking about me and think i might even force myself to go out and if a guy offers to buy me a drink wtf shouldnt i have one im not going to feel guilty if a man shows interest in me im not the one walking , he thought he had me on a piece of string and so did i , but not now ive seen the light ive cut the string and im stepping out in style it hurts when you cant have what you want well tough shit hes the one going to lose out because im going to live my life no more tears for him just looking forward to the new me and new life from now im on the up

Good for you!! Try and remember to tell yourself, that this is about him and not you. Your self worth does not depend on how a man feels about you. Believe me, it took me 50 yrs to finally figure that out. I rebounded into another bad realtionship becasue I hadn't discovered myself.

So glad you went to a counselor. That step is huge! You are worthwhile and you do matter. Just take it one day, sometimes even one hour, at a time. You'll get through this. We've all felt like absolute garbage but in time you can take a step back and REALLY look at the marriage and see it for what it really was. I'm in that process and my eyes are opening slowly but surely.

hey babe - we all get the devestation thing..been there done that got the t shirt

i basically lived in my daughters basement for the first 5 months ( after mine left me on xmas eve 07 after 33 yrs) because i was scared to be alone for fear of hurting myself

all i can tell you is it does get better in time, lots and lots of time.
i hated hearing that in the beginning and i hate saying it to you. where as right now time seems endless and painful, in the long run it will be your friend

Just so you know, it's OK to grieve and feel badly. Grief for everyone is different. My ex is in Russia right now making plans to marry this Russian woman he met on the internet. Now, everyone I talk to is shaking their heads or laughing, but it still hurts all the same. You do matter and keep looking forward. I know I need to take the same advice and I seem to be doing all the right things, most of the time, it just doesn't feel right. Your kids need you. Listen, just keep coming on here. Lean on us, we'll turn you around if we have to and have you facing forward again. Keep going to counseling. You did nothing wrong, you are a good and worthwhile person.

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