“Brother Snowflake, will you share you testimony, tell us what lead you down the road to Barackaholism?”

“Yeah, sure. I guess it started a little more than eight years ago. Like anyone else, I was just a regular kid, living in my mom’s basement, like many of my friends.

“One of my pals turned me on to Barack for the first time. I dunno, I did not like it first, Barack did not seem to make things clearer, as I hoped. It seemed to mess with my head.

“My bro said that all the kids were digging Barack, you know for what it was, you know, kinda cool and black, definitely black. That’s what my friends dug but I was not so sure.

“Anyway, really, I had no choice. My friends were all like ‘c’mon dude, try it, you’ll like it.’

“What could I do? I mean they were my friends and all. Suds loaned me this cool sarape and Girly-Bean let me chill to her lava lamp in my crib, in mom’s basement. So not only was it peer pressure but my whole everything would change if I did not go along. And I love that serape.

“So I tried some more. I kinda dug the ‘Close Gitmo’ vibe and the being cool to our brown brothers and sisters escaping that bummer in Mexico. I thought my friends were right, righteous and right-on, this Barack wasn’t so bad.

“About two years into being a Barackaholic I started wanting more.

“I went to a MoveOn meet up in my bro’s mom’s basement. There were coolios, hipsters, and a lot of others that I thought were like me. They were all about the mid-term election and I was not into that. I did my best to avoid any of that as I did not want to get in too deep.

“Then, BAM! here comes the Affordable Care Act. Wow! That was so cool, so amazing! We all dug it! We were told that poor people would get free coverage, everyone else’s premiums would go down, we could keep our doctor and my mom could keep me on her policy for a few more years.

“Now I was hooked! I wanted more and more of this. I could not see that I was becoming a Barackaholic. I hung on his every word. We all agreed that he was the smartest person who ever lived, just like MS/NBC and CNN kept telling us.

“In retrospect, since I was reading the Times and Mother Jones, I was a member of MoveOn and I watched the network news with mom, when she made me dinner every night, then then I watched CNN and MS/NBC on my flat screen in the basement with my friends, I was getting this info all the 12-14 hours a day I was awake.

“We all agreed that it was the best time in the world. I felt sure for the first time in years that my degree in Mongolian Comparative Poetry would finally pay off. We all agreed that all we needed to do was to shut down the flow of money from those greedy capitalists on Wall Street, close down the Churches so that women could have as many abortions they want to have, stop the media from reporting anything bad about our drug and, among other things, once pot is legalized then all we would need to do shut down the bad racist police departments. After all it was the police who are the ones behind the racism. Right?

“While I always have liked girls, all of a sudden many of them seemed to like girls also. And a lot of my guy friends also seemed to like other guys. I am not sure if they were always that way or did they just feel more comfortable now that it was not just not against the law but our president encouraged and supported it. I was pretty sure he was a closet case and this was his way of making things good.

“I was hooked, and hooked bad. I knew I was involved in something that was all of a sudden was controlling my life. Yes, I am sure it was around that time that I realized that I was a Barackaholic. I guess I would have to hit rock bottom before I would come to my senses, just like any other drunk or druggie, and do something about it.

“Then my prayers, if you can call them that, were answered. My eyes were opened.

“It did not happen all at once, it was not like there was a bright light and a voice from the sky said ‘Snowflake, get your head out of your (fourth point of contact.’)

“There was a riot on TV. There were black people rioting. I had a hard time understanding why people would wreck their own neighborhoods. We were told that the police were at fault. Then there was a second and a third riot. The president kept blaming the police. I could not understand that, so I did the unthinkable, I “Googled” the Ferguson and Baltimore riots. No, I did not look at the usual lefty sources but others I never heard of. These sites had a different take on things and they also had videos showing what happened.

“Funny, the left media ‘said’ it was the police’s fault, but the right media proved the police did nothing wrong. I guess it was then that I started to think perhaps there are two sides to every story.

“The president said that the ‘immigrants’ were all good people and truly that is what I believed. But when I started to read I saw that no one said that they were bad people but what the president and the left forgot to say was that they were lawbreakers. That the people who said that we should not call them “illegals” were lying to us. They are here illegally. They did not have to come here, they willed to come here. And after I studied this and saw that the Mexican government were demanding that we take their people but they persecute those who try to get into Mexico, that was when one of the other lights that went on.

“I asked my friends about this hypocrisy. They asked ‘what hypocrisy’? It was then that I realized that I needed to find new friends. I was a Barackaholic and they were enablers.

“They tried to tell me I had it all wrong, that I was being lied to by the right. And for a moment I believed them. I guess I started to doubt my Barackaholism, just like some religious people have a crisis of faith. I felt better by their reassurance.

“One day shortly after that mom came down to my basement and said that we were going to have to move.

“I was shocked! I was born and raised in this house and I figured I would spend my entire life there.

“I asked her ‘why?’ and she said that the insurance premiums were getting so high she could not afford both the health insurance and the mortgage.

“I told her she was crazy. I told her that that the president told us that the insurance is going to be free for some people and cheaper for the rest.

“She showed me his bills from a few years ago and the current ones. Wow! They tripled! The increase was almost as much as the mortgage.

“I told her that I had an answer. I said that we do not need insurance, that I was still young and she was in good shape.

“She told me she thought about that then learned that if she does not have health care she would have to pay a fine that was almost as much as the insurance.

“I could not believe that the president lied to us!

“I’ve been talking a while, let me try to wrap this up. The big lie of the ACA was my rock-bottom. For us, to have to move because of health insurance that was supposed to help us wound up costing my mom her house, that was it. What was worse was the illegals coming to America were getting everything for free on our backs.

“Look, I am pretty liberal, I know that and I don’t mind helping out or chipping in, but for us to lose everything so that those can get everything for free was too much.

“Then I find out that it is not just Mexicans sneaking in here, but Barack was flying in people from the middle east by the plane load.

“I thought to myself, aren’t we fighting these people?

“I asked one of my buddies, Wingnut, who was not in as deep as I was. I asked him about the middle east people and he told me some weird stuff. But since I really did not trust the other Barackaholics, I had to check it out for myself.

“I came to learn that the president was not just taking people from bad places in, but was deciding where to put them.

“I learned that there is a very large middle east presence in Minnesota. There is a muslim representative in Congress. That many places live under Sharia Law (look up that one!) and regular people are being thrown out of cabs if the driver thinks they might have alcohol and stuff.

“Also they are putting a lot of them in Idaho. Idaho? Idaho is nothing like the middle east. Why put them there? For the same reason as Minnesota, to create false voting blocks. I’d bet the Dakotas are next, right in the middle and create one of those caliphates there.

“Sorry, I can go on and on but I think you get the point. I am sorry for my past sins and I am willing to do whatever I can to undo what I, my friends and that president did.”

“Well said, Brother Snowflake, we have all been there. Can I get an AMEN!”