Cooking with Rice

Condi is scouring the planet, looking for the latest new dish. For professionals only.

Middle East Ménage1 tsp. crushed palestinian uprising1 lb. Gaza cut into strips1 gallon too little watera pinch of dead sea saltadd additional salt and pepper into open woundLots of RiceBoil Over until doneEnjoy with friends at the next reunion along with a few bad jokes.

Indi-Paki Fusion1 lb. lead melted over an open fire2 doz. imported howitzers12 lbs fissionable U-235Lots of Ricereduce heat and simmer until glowingA great dishP.S. I always invite my North Korean friends for this one

North-South Stew250,000 gallons extra virgin heating oil500,000 lbs. processed food stuffsA bit of plutonium, if you can find it (you may substitute uranium)20,000 lbs rocket fuelLots of Ricecook over an open flame while watching pictures of the Iraqi invasion(Note: this dish must be cooked on the 38th parallel to be perfect)

Taiwan Hot-PotAdd a small body of salt water to160 lbs invective12 Tbs remnants of communismA dash of capitalism to taste (theirs not yours stupid)1 lb greenbacks (or 8.3 lbs Renminbi)Lots of RiceLet stew for way too long, hopefully the North Koreans will attack first

Euro Cake BakeMuttonTomato sauceSauerkrautPotatoesLots of RiceStill tastes lousy to the American palette

English Tea Time1 large subcontinent, split in twoLeaves, not grassSteep until subservient(requires no Rice)Used to go well with Indi-Paki Fusion