Wednesday, May 14, 2014

It's Easy Being Green

A woman yesterday
A stranger
Approached me.
She had something to say

She told me
That I shouldn't be wearing
My soft green shirt
She said
It was too bright
She said
I was already to visible
She said
That now I could be really seen\
She said
She couldn't imagine that I wanted
To be seen
She said
She was only telling me
to be kind

I said
Her words didn't seem kind
I said
Her words didn't feel kind
I said
Her words were unwelcome
I said
I like my soft green shirt
I said
I know I am easily seen
I said
If people looked
They would
See that the green matched my eyes
I said
If she were truly kind
Truly caring
She would have noticed
My soft green eyes.

I now have a happy image of my mind of you, glorious in joyful yellow.

My mother had people telling her most of her life that because she was fat, she should dress in dark colors and try to minimize her visual impact. Mom had no time for that and instead preferred bright floral prints as a basic go-to. After her memorial service, my favorite of the memory cards that people had filled out was one that said simply, "Donna loved glitz."

Hurray for you and for rainbows and glorious color. (Or colour, rather... *grin*)

It's always amazing how people think they know what total strangers should be doing. From my perspective, you look great in any color you want to wear -- and pretending to be invisible doesn't sound like your style atall.

So glad you told her she was being unkind. Clearly, she needs to know she doesn't sound good in unkindness.

Thank you, Dave. That was exactly what I needed to hear today, after a telephone encounter with a receptionist in my doctor's office who, in an apparent desire to be "helpful", told me that I was managing my arthritis all wrong, that I should do what she does, that I should ignore pain and live my whole life differently... I put up with her bullying spiel because I was too shocked at the moment to respond, but cried for an hour afterwards, and thought of you, thought that you would have handled it differently.You are changing many lives, Dave, and not just your clients' lives.Thank you.

My wife is beautiful -- even to those more objective than I.And yet, it took me years to even begin to convince *her* of this simple fact.Just because she is rounder than some think she should be (though she is choosing to shrink, carefully over time), and also because her face and its gentle curves show a trace of a genetic difference, which her family could never see as beautiful -- never mind that she is seldom without a smile, and goes out of her way to brighten the days of those she meets.

It *kills* me to go to family holidays with her, because those who are meant to love her best! take every chance to belittle her in the literal sense - to try to make her small.

They make her feel slow and stupid, though she is one of the most brilliantly creative people I've ever known, and one of the most genuine. Just because she is *different* from them.

She'd lost over 100#, and maintained it for many months (and counting). Her great-aunt told her she couldn't see any difference.

She has beautiful skin and needs no cosmetics, but her grandmother criticizes her natural beauty, saying she needs to hide her features with heavy makeup, to conceal any hint of difference.

She is finally willing to wear form-fitting clothing (she's below 200# for the first time since she was 15), and looks and feels better than ever (apart from completely separate issues pertaining to MS), but her older cousin cuts her down, saying she hasn't the figure for leggings, buying her shirts and blouses four sizes too big in order to hide her curvy figure (she has a classic hourglass, albeit a large one).

She actually looks *bigger* in ill-fitted clothing!

I'm focused in this post on her appearance, because her family's lack of acceptance has hurt her greatly for years.

I'm not even mentioning the million other things that make her so very attractive -- her quick wit, clever words, tendency to break into song at the drop of a hat, encyclopedic knowledge of Dr. Who, Harry Potter, and various comic universes...her huge body of poetical works.

The bubbly personality that had friends use the word Giggling[Her Name] as the suggested name for her LiveJournal.

Your post made me think of these things.

Because one of the rules we made, when we were weeding out her older clothes, was - no black. Not even darkest Navy.No more of the mourning colours trying to drown her joy.

Disability Pride

Dedication

About Me

Joe and I live in an apartment right smack dab in the center of Toronto. I have worked in the field of disability since graduating from university over 30 years ago. I became disabled a few years ago now and use a wheelchair when out in the world. For those interested, most of my books are available through www.diverse-city.com and if you are wishing to book a lecture or consultation you may do so by emailing daveandjoe@hotmail.com

Best Health Blog 2010

Requiem

There are those who have affected the course of my work and my career. I wish to remember them here:

Stella Young

Manuela Dalla Nora

Bob Clayton

Viktor Frankl

Robert Sovner

Marsha Forrest

Terry Haslam

John Money

Susan Tough

Sol Gordon

Winnifred Kempton

I believe that we should speak often and well of those who passed our way and whose lives gifted us. Here in this space I wish to memorialize those whose lived lives in service to those with disabilities.