Rabbi Axe: Take lessons from the Four Sons

Rabbi Vicki L. Axe

Published 8:45 pm, Friday, March 22, 2013

I am writing this as Jews throughout the world are preparing for Passover Seders with family and friends to celebrate the annual birth of spring and retell the story of the redemption from slavery in Egypt. What an epic story of faith and courage!

Our ancestors forged a journey into unknown and challenging vistas, a disparate community of men, women, and children held together by a common history and a common belief.

For thousands of years the history and beliefs, the customs and rituals have held generations of Jews across five continents together. Sing Dayeinu aloud, and all Jews within hearing distance will join in! One of the enduring symbols of the Passover Seder is found in the magic of the number four -- Four Cups of Wine to recall God's four promises of redemption as found in the Book of Exodus, Four Questions to frame the meaningfulness of eating matzah, eating bitter herbs, dipping parsley in salt water, and reclining at the festive meal.

One of my favorite references to the number four is the Four Sons. My interest in this part of the Seder may be inspired by the fact that I am the mother of four sons!

Always recited in age order at our Seder, each of my sons is forever connected to the corresponding son from the Haggadah, the wise son, the wicked son, the simple son, and the one who does not know how to ask.

Representing an ancient understanding of what we now call different learning styles, the Four Sons reminds us that we are commanded to teach all of our children, each according to individual ability to learn. We in turn learn from them as their need to know in their own unique way challenges us.

The wise child challenges us with scholarship and knowledge of Jewish law. We praise this love of learning, while encouraging the wise child to join heart with head in seeking knowledge.

The wicked or rebellious child challenges us in questioning our traditions and authority. Rejecting the time-honored answers, we fear losing the rebellious child, admitting that perhaps we have pushed the child away. It may not be enough to invite the rebellious child to hear our story. Perhaps we have to be ready to listen to new ideas, as well.

The simple child challenges us as we retell the story and share the joy of the customs and rituals. We take pride in opening the soul of the simple child and helping this child to embrace the ways of our people.

The child who does not know how to ask challenges us as we seek ways to kindle a lifelong passion for self-knowledge and connection to the Jewish people.

As I prepare to welcome my four sons home for the holiday, as I prepare to change the dishes, make chicken soup, gefilte fish, and chopped liver, as I clean last year's matzah out of the family Haggadahs, I wonder if the lesson we can glean today from the four sons is that they represent all the kinds of people we encounter in every arena of our lives -- in our families, in the workplace, in community organizations, in the political arena, in global conversation.

I believe that every individual is at one and the same time student and teacher, guiding one another, challenging one another. Just as our tradition compels us to find ways to grow and learn with all of our children who enter the classroom of our homes, we must be equally compelled to find ways to grow and learn with all of the people who enter the classroom of our lives, those who share our style of understanding and those who challenge our style of understanding.

We declare early in the Seder, "Let all who are hungry, come and eat!" Maybe this is not just for physical sustenance; maybe we are to offer sustenance of the intellect, sustenance of the heart, sustenance of the soul for all people.