The Breakdown - The Bad

Well, here we are yet again, finding ourselves in the midst of yet another mediocre new release week. While there aren't any "jump off the couch, run to your car, get a reckless driving ticket on your way to Best Buy, trample over innocent women and elderly to get your copy of the latest epic release" titles this week, there are a few that are at least interesting and that I think would be a good Redbox rental on a rainy day. So with that, here is this week's Breakdown of new releases.

Let's start with the bad, Parker and The Last Stand. Jason Statham has really turned out to be a real heartbreaker. What I mean is, you saw him in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels,Snatch, and Mean Machine. However, it would appear that there simply isn't life after Guy Ritchie. I dare you to name one movie, other than the afore mentioned, that Statham has been in that wasn't a chore to sit through. I want so desperately to like his films, but when you combine unoriginality (all his characters/movies are identical) with just piss-poor writing and execution, you have a recipe for garbage pail cinema. I can't imagine Parker being any different, despite pulling in a 6.1 from IMDB, which lets be honest, might as well be a 9.0 for a Statham movie. I could be wrong, though I really don't think so.

The Last Stand simply makes me sad. I love Arnold. Predator, Terminator, T2, Commando, Total Recall, even True Lies are some of the world's best guilty pleasure movies. Some of those are even just great movies. While I loved his cameo in The Expendibles, a stand alone movie with him is something I wanted to watch about as much as a sex tape with him and Maria Shriver. Old people rocking out with eachother and The Last Stand both do the same thing to my stomach...demolish it. Based on the trailer alone, I was shocked to see a 6.5 for this film from IMDB. Again, I could be wrong, but I can't help but feel that this is greatly inflated by fans who miss Arnold and just want to like him in anything. Personally, I'm the guy who wished that Jordan and Favre had stayed retired, no matter how great they once were, and I wish the same for Arnold. This movie feels forced and poorly written, and I wish after doing the governor thing, Arnold would have just done like Elway and gone out on a high note and let sleeping dogs lie.

Lastly, Beautiful Creatures, the latest teen, supernatural love story. I won't waste too many lines on this one. Don't know much about it, but also, not a movie that is geared to be highly enjoyed by a 29 year old man. So, I won't pass any judgement either. If this genre is your thing, I'll simply say that IMDB gave it a 6.1, and I hope you enjoy the show!

The Breakdown: Part Deuce - The potentially Good

With all that said, there are some interesting releases coming out this week. As I said, nothing that I would say right off the bat to run out and buy, but may be worth a rental. Here is a short run down of those titles.

Stand Up Guys has a great cast and an very intriguing story line. Al Pacino is just released from prison, and his friend, played by Christopher Walken, is assigned to take him out, mob style. Pacino expects it and they both agree to spend is last night living it up. As you can imagine, moral dilemmas ensue, and tough decisions must be made. With a very interesting story line, and an all-star cast including Pacino, Walken and Arkin, one can't help but be curious. IMDB gives this one a 6.5, but for a $1 Redbox rental, or if you can get the disc from Netflix, I feel the payoff could be worth the risk.

Side Effects is another impressive ensemble cast and totes an equally impressive 7.2 rating from IMDB. A much darker drama than the other releases, but a unique story. This one tells the tale of a woman, forced to deal with the anxiety of her husband's upcoming release from prison. Again, another film that may be worth the rental, if you feel like getting a bit depressed or are into those darker tales of woe.

Lastly, The ABC's of Death. Let me preface this with a word of caution. I think this movie is going to be terrible overall. However, I list it here for interest factors alone. What intrigues me about this movie, is not it's story line or actors, but rather, it's layout. I sounds like this movie will be modeled with a Four Rooms kind of feel. Essentially, the film is divided into 26 chapters, and each chapter is directed by a different "Master of Horror". Each chapter is also dedicated to one letter of the alphabet, so the director must weave their tale around that letter. Again, I think it will be bad, and it seems that IMDB agrees with me having given it a 5.0. However, that is pretty high for horror, and with such a unique concept behind it, again may make it worth a free rental. Definitely check this one out at your own risk, and no promises that I will even waste the time on it, but I felt I should include it here.

Other Random Releases Today

Now, let's bring this amazingly long blog post to a close, with the other titles releasing today:

That's it for this week's new releases. As always, send us your thoughts at Facebook and Twitter, comment here or on our Contact page. Let us know what you think about this week's movies or send us any recommendations you may have. We'd love to hear from you!

I completely agree with your comment about the "Statham and Guy Ritchie tandem"... but I must add a title to your list 'Revolver' was one of the best movies of the tandem, and it is all Statham.

Also, your comment about Arnold made me laugh... i dont think he went out like Elway from his political career (he didnt do very well as a governor... plus the illegitimate child with the house keeper didn't help)... if he quit after Mr. Freeze from the oscar-worthy-film Batman & Robin... now that would have been 'Elway-ing'

Reply

Franc@PAUSED!

5/21/2013 08:13:28 am

Giz, I couldn't agree more. 1. I totally slept on Revolver. While I can't fully agree that it was the best of the tandem, it certainly ranks among them and should be mentioned. I take comfort in knowing that I did say their pairing results in Statham's only good films, however I tip my hat to you site in pointing out that huge fumble on my part.

2. As for Arnold, I simply meant he should have stayed retired from movies. Though I can see I didn't write out my analogy well. Totally agree that he "Romo'd" the governor thing. I also agree that on closer look at his later movies he was far from "Elway-ing". Maybe if he quit after T2... but alas.

Thanks for the great comments Giz. Keep them coming! Love to share you're thoughts on an upcoming episode if that's cool with you.