#2: AN ANY-YEAR CALENDAR!

That's right - Astonishing Sod's Any-Year Calendar is FREE to download... What's more, it's PRE-FILLED with all your appointments and reminders! And if that's not enough, you can even draw your own pictures in the frames provided... Still not enough for you? Well, it even tells you what to draw! Save (300Kb), print (14 pages) and enjoy a wonderful year filled with magic and delight!

#4: ANOTHER SONG: PUMPING KRILL THROUGH A TUNNEL OF BONES!

This is my entry for the Eurovision Song Contest 2027. It's sure to win.

Lyrics:

Yo I've been pumping krill through a tunnel of bones, Leaving flies in no-fly zones, Lost a phone on a hill of trombones, Got my ass on backwards and I'm moonwalking forwards,

Tied a jellyfish statue to a bungee cord, Drove a ghost train into a maternity ward, With a goose and a tomato and a replica sword, Took a carpet to a pet shop, bought it a car,

I've eaten twenty balloons and they went straight to my hips, Got a revolving tattoo of a canoe on my lips, Took a holographic dog, fed it some zips, Been busy making bees make a maize bead business,

I bought a magical sausage from a mechanical mouse, Made a political gesture in the Opera House, Convinced an elephant that it was a giant woodlouse, Collected money for charity, spent it all on a rhyming dictionary.

#5: A SONG THAT SOMEONE ELSE MADE WITH MY WORDS!

This song is called "Whale". It was made by the bigly talented Yawn The Post by setting the words of one of my tweets to wonderful music. He did it for free, without even being asked, because he's a lovely and great man. Have a listen! Here are the words:

"I just waved at a whale. He didn't see me, though, because he was several hundred miles away and probably not looking."

#6: WHAT WILL WE DO TONIGHT?

"What Will We Do Tonight?" is a series of 30 uselessful cards, to help you when your brain has stopped making ideas.

How to use: Print, cut along the dotted lines, put the cards in a coconut and pick one at random.

#8: THE SODMAS PACK!

A whole bunch of free stuff, for the perfect Sodmas party! Includes 8 PDFs, which are as follollollows:

- A Merry Sodmas: what's in your Sodmas Pack - Sodmas jokes - A Sodmas card - The Sodmas Game - Sodmas Recipes - Sodmas Badges - Excuses For Being Late to the Sodmas party - What Will We Do Tonight? – plenty of ideas for party activities