Date: Thu, 09 Feb 2006 01:59:40 +0000
From: Parker
Subject: Parker's Diary Part 1
Alright peeps, this is straight from my diary from when I was 13... I
changed the way the dialogues are presented from my diaries to make it more
story like. None of this is fiction even though some of it doesn't seem
believable even to myself. By the way, do not copy this story and use it as
your own... not cool.
"Thanks so much M.Tazzi"
The principal always seemed to understand my problems. He would always say
things to make me feel better about my difficulties in class and my extreme
problems with many of the teachers.
As I left his office, someone called out to me. I turned around just in
time to catch Mary in my arms. She was my extreme best friend, and also my
most favorite thing to hug. We had known each other only for a year, but we
already knew everything about each other. I know she is a lesbien, and she
knows I am a homosexuel. By the way, I forgot to mention I'm gay, but I'm
sure you saw that coming already.
Before I go any further, I will go through the whole routine of presenting
myself Mister Diary. I am a 13 year old, not that it really shows though
because I am currently a year ahaid of my normal grade. People say I look
more 17 then 13, because of my height, maturity, face and figure. I am
5'10, 160 pounds. I had been working out since the age of 11 so I could
only imagine that I would now have a muscle like figure.
I attend a private school called College Notre-Dame in Montreal. I am in
9th grade. It's a catholic school with uniform, but no one in the school
really believes in God anymore, so there is almost nothing religious in
it. Well anyways, you don't care, so I will continue with my story.
"So what class do you have now Parker" asked Mary
"Ummmmm, I think I have Math.... Yeah, Math, that would be it"
"Boring, all you learn in that class is how to add and subtract... I mean,
I've only been doing that for the past 10 years... I mean, even the teacher
is bored of her subject, all she does is talk about how we shouldn't do
drugs and stuff"
"Ahahaha, so true"
As we past my classroom giggling, I hugged her again and went into my
class. I was a little late, but the teacher didn't seem to notice. As I sat
down at my desk in the center of the class, Simon, one of my school
friends, punched me in the shoulder:
"Yo mofo, where have you been?!?" Simon said, with the most mother like
voice he could make.
"HEY, if you back talk to me again you foul, I swear I'm going to have to
give you a wipping" I said with an extremely authoritarian tone.
"Oh my goodness gratious, I am going to have to tell on you, lalalalala"
"ahahahaha, your so funny Simon" I shot a final sarcastic look at him, and
turned to the teacher, who was apparently listening to the whole
conversation.
"My goodness you two, I might have to separate you two if you don't start
closing your mouths a little more often" the teacher completely dissed us.
Anyways, the class was boring as expected. She gave us a few exercises to
do during class to pass the time a bit. I, of course, did not do any of
them.
When the school day was over, I headed toward the music departement on the
5th floor for some extreme quintet practice. I play clarinet by the
way... I am very good at it too. As I came through the door entering the
departement, a smelled a strong scent of wood and popcorn. Very weird
mix. I met up with Mary as she was grabbing her bassoon and we headed
towards practice together.
"You know, I hear Simon is gay" she said with a very gossip girl accent
"Well, I guess we are going to have to find out arent we???" I raised my
eye brow and started grooming my none existant mustache.
"Haha"
"Where did you hear that anyways?"
"Well..... Mary has her sources"
"Freddy told you didn't he..."
"aha, you know me too well"
"Yes indeed"
She then tripped accidently on a corner and flew forwards. She managed to
regain controle and land on her feet.
"Ahhhhh, I almost died just there"
"Reminds me of the time you tried to jump over that short gate and hooked
on it with one foot and flew forwards onto your stomach on the grass... oh
my god, I laughed so hard you have no idea"
"Hahahahaha, I remember that, it was kinda painful"
"Well then, that's your problem then isnt it?... I had a good laugh"
"Oh, Im sure youd like that... by the way, do u know what time it is?"
A flashed a look at my watch:
"hmmm, it appears to be a quarter past your moms a whore"
She looked at me a bit confused for a second, then started laughing
histarically. That's when we entered our quintet practice room. Karine and
Emilie flashed us a look and sayed hello:
"Yo Mary, hey Parker... Can u believe this shit, our french horn is a no
show again!!! Its getting really irritating"sayed Emilie
"WHAT!!! He said he would be here today" I answered a bit pissed
The practice passed by pretty quickly, and before I knew it, I was heading
back home.
It was a very cold winter day, the snow coming up to my ankles, and my hat
coming down to my chin. The worst part was that I had to walk home as usual
that day. It is only a 15 minute walk, but a very long and tiresome one. As
I was walking, I felt a slight vibration in my pants pocket. I took out my
cellphone and answered :
"Yo, dis ParkyMcpimp, what may I do to pleasure you?"
"HAHAHAHA, never gets old, aha, hmmm, well anyways, as I'm sure you
noticed, this is Benji"
"Hey dude, so whatsup?"
"Right, well, so what are you doing on Friday night?"
"Oh, ummm, well I am supposed to go to a dinner with my parents, but I hate
them, so if you want to hang out, I'm yours for the taking"
"awesome, so ok, meet me at AMC at 6 Pm tomorrow ok?"
"sounds like a plan MisterMan"I answered
"god your retarded"
"haha"I tried to laugh with the most retarded accent possible, but of
course I could not, because I am so naturally smart.
"anyways, Ill see you then"
"ciao"
"bye"
By that time, my hand had frozen and was stuck to my cellphone... or it
felt that way anyways.
Benjamen was one of my best 'out-of-school' friends. He is one of those
extremely masculin guys with a very good reputation with the ladies because
of his extreme good looks and his bulging muscles. He had been training for
much longer then I have, but we enjoyed spotting eachother at the
gym. Everyday looking at him in the showers was like looking at a
homo-erotic porn magazine. He had this way of putting soap across his chest
that only made my mouth water. The good thing is that I have complete
controle over my erections in the shower, I had grown a slight resistance
to them, so I was still safe.
I should probably mention that NO ONE (except Mary) knows of my sexuel
orientation, or else I would be sure to lose not only Benji, but every
friend I have at school. Or that's the conclusion I came to anyways.
The rest of the week past by quicker then expected, and before I knew it, I
was waiting at AMC for Benj. He got there a bit late and we missed the
beginning of the movie we were planing on seeing.
"uhhhh, there are like no movies we can see now" I was trying to emply that
it was all his fault we had missed the beginning of Grandmas boy.
"ummm, well, lets see, there is BrookBack mountain in an hour, want to see
that instead?"
"well, I would say yes, but it seems to me that it is a bit too... how do u
say... gay?... for you"
"Hey ass, don't judge me"Benji said with a bit of a giggle
"oh ok then, then I would be glad to see it with you"
"cool, I'll buy the tickets"
As soon as he bought the tickets, we decided to go to the Starbucks a block
away, and wait there until the movie started.
As we entered the coffee shop, we felt the strong scent of caffeine and
pastries hit our faces. It was extremely sensational. Ummm, yea......
So anyways, we both ordered and took a seat at a table on the 2nd floor. He
actually seemed a bit tense when we sat down and he seemed to be thinking a
mile a minute. So I decided to find out what was wrong:
"Yo man, you ok?"
"uhhhh, yea" he shook his head and looked at me with a bit of a surprised
and nervous face.
"Really man, whats on your mind, you know you can tell me anything"
"Well, I don't know, I've been thinking a lot about shit"
"okok, but you know I'm always here if you want someone to listen"
"uhhh, crap, ummm"He looked extremely nervous now, it wasn't at all like
him.
"ok, now I know somethings up"
"Well, I don't know if I should tell you, its really private stuff"
"Well you know I have a decent amount of secrets stuck in my head myself"
"Well, ok...... um, how should I break this out to you"
"..."I just looked at him with the most understanding face I could ever
make, I really did find him beautiful, he looked so cute nervous like that,
with his clear dimples on the side of his face. It wasn't like him though.
"Ok, well, I've been going through a hell lot of things in my thoughts
right now, and I have noticed something really... fucked up"
"Yea..."
"Well,... uhh...uhh... uhh... My grades are terrible and my mom is going to
kill me" I didn't believe the last part, he had said it way too quickly.
"You know, it won't help to lie you know" I tried to say it in the most
caring voice I could make out
"OK, FINE, LOOK HERES THE THING FUCK, IM A FUCKING FAG ALRIGHT???"
"........."
I was in shock, I had never thought he would say that of all things... why
did he tell me? Why did he feel he should tell me? I figured he was going
to say his dad beat him or something... not...not...that... fuck... I had
waited too long... before I knew it, he was gone and I was left alone at my
table in StarBucks... shit
I just sat there sipping on my coffee for a bit, looking at the wall on the
other side of the room. I could't believe this.
I returned home a bit early that day, and I went directly to bed. I
couldn't sleep. So instead, I went to the basement to watch 'what I like
about you' on Fox. As I listened to the story line, that I would usually be
laughing histerically at, I only started crying. Why were all the things
they were going through in the show so much easier then mine? Why couldn't
I just be straight like the rest? Why did I have to like men?... it didn't
seem fair to me. Or to Benjamen for that fact. It all seemed so stupid. I
turned off the T.V. and just laid down in the dark for as long as I could
remember before I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning with an extremely
sore neck and my eyes were dry from crying for so long. That's when I
noticed my cellphone vibrating in my pocket again. I looked at the caller
ID. I didn't answer it, it was Leo, another one of my friends. But for some
reason, he didn't give up, and he called 3 to 4 more times before I decided
to answer:
"Wow, someone is desperate to talk to me" I answered trying to sound as
cheery as possible
"Well yea, you are by far the coolest dude one could ever know"
"So anyways, what are you so intent on telling me"
"I am throwing a party tonight... open house... bring your friends"
"YES!!! It was about time you threw a party dawg. Well anyways, I am going
to have some hardcore sex now so please, I must leave"I answered very
sincerely
"Ummm, yea, forget the whole part of you being cool..... loser"He said that
while giggling a bit... so, of course, I believed him
"Ok, its time to shananigize, see ya"
"Bye sexy"
I got off the sofa and made my way to the kitchen. I was starving because I
hadn't eaten anything for the past 17 hours. I made myself some eggs
without the ock and put 5 slices of cheese and lots of fruit. I was on a
high protein, low fat diet. I was planing on being as sexy as possible for
Leo's party. When I had finally finished while watching a bit of Tv, I
started remembering all the evence that had occurred the day before... Was
it all a dream? Must have been, no way Benjamen could ever be gay... I
grabbed the phone in the kitchen and dialed his number. Strangely enough,
he answered:
"Hello?"
"Hey Benji, its Parker"
He hung up... Ok then, it wasn't a dream. I called again, he didn't answer
and got the voice mail.
"... leave your message after the tone, thank you...... BEEP"
"Ok Benjamen, please listen to my message. You should know that I didn't
mean to over react yesterday, I am really sorry... Please forgive me, I am
so sorry. Please call me back, I really need to talk to you. Their's a
party on Sunday at Leo's... please come. I want to see
you. Please. Please. Well... Bye I guess"
I figured it should be short and right to the point. I was having such a
weird time with all my mixed emotions. I was sad because Benjamen wouldn't
talk to me, I was happy because now I knew that I wasn't alone... and that
the person I cared the most about was actually gay. I was just confused.
At that point, I decided I should continue living my life and not let this
bother me too much. It would all work out for the best. I called up all of
my friends and told them about the party... all of them said yes... Should
be one heck of a party. I got up and decided to head for the gym to work
out. As I exited my house on the top of the Mount Royal, I realised that
not only had it rained the night before... but it had completely frozen
over... shit... Global Warming sucks. I grabbed my large clitted boots and
made my way down the hill... nerely died... but made it safe. I entered the
Cepsum entrance 30 minutes later only to bump into my good friend Simon
(the same Simon from class):
"Hey MAN!!"
"Yo Parker..."
"... You seem a bit sad this morning, you all right?"
"Yea, I guess its just the weather or something... oh and Benjamen is
upstairs and he isnt saying anything to anyone"
"He's upstairs?"
"Yep" He answered and left. He didn't say good bye or anything. I would
have to ask him what his problem was later on.
I felt nervous to finally see Benjamen again after what had happened, but I
did really want to see him though.
I put on my sweats in the lockers and made my way toward the weight
room. He wasn't there. I went to the cardio and jogging area. He wasn't
there. I finally went to the pilaties\basketball court area. And who did I
see. Benjamen of course. He didn't notice me heading toward him, he seemed
too concentrated on his abdomen workout. I was very intrigued by his work
out. He didn't have a shirt on and I could see every single bump and shadow
on his well toned body. His abs went side to side along with his well
defined legs. He was sweating hard. He was so sexy.
We were the only ones in the room. I guess no one wanted to work out on the
day of the apocalypse... or as I like to call it... Winter... I slowely
made my way toward him, trying to seem as casual as possible. He finally
noticed the sound of my footsteps and looked up. Once he saw my face, he
got up, put his shirt back on and ran toward the door. Why was he avoiding
me so much? I ran after him, calling out to him. When he had finally
reached a dead end at the bottom of the stair case, I approched him.
"Benjamen"
"What the fuck do u want"
"Benjamen, please..."
He looked down, he almost looked ashamed. He looked scared and confused. He
was tense when I started to walk toward him.
"Parker, stop, what do u want?"
"We need to talk"
"Well, I guess we can do that right here"I could detect a bit of annoyence
in his tone
"Look, about yesterday, I didn't meen to over react so much, I was just so
shocked by your.... Anoucement... But it really doesn't bother me though"
"... You don't have to pretend Parker, I know you hate me now, I know
nothing is going to be the same. I hate myself for thinking that maybe you
could understand, maybe be the same... but I know you arent, I know you
arent and never will be"
"...Benjamen"
"What?"
"Benjamen, you don't understand"
"WHAT DON'T I UNDERSTAND PARKER!"
"FUCK BENJAMEN, YOU ARENT GOING TO MAKE THIS EASY FOR ME ARE YOU????" I was
yelling at this point, I felt so angry and so dizzy. I didn't feel like I
was me anymore"BENJAMEN, YOU CONFUSED SON OF A BITCH, I LOVE YOU, I
LOVE... I LOVE,.... I love...., I love you fuck"
It was my turn to run, I ran up the stairs, all the way to the top floor. I
wanted to be as far from him as possible. I had realised while saying those
words, that I did love him, with all my heart. I wanted him to know it, but
I didn't want to see his reaction. I felt the tears build up as I kept on
running. I finally sat down in the shower room on a bench to let the tears
flow out. I couldn't stop. I was sobbing and crying as loudly as a small
baby asking for attention. I didn't know what came over me. The tears
seemed to keep on coming endlessly. I finally broke out of my trance as I
felt a hand on my shoulder. It was a strong large hand... Benjamens. I
turned around. I couldn't see anything, my eyes were too blurry. I could
only make out a figure standing, with a hand on my shoulder, the other in a
pocket. The image became clearer and I saw his face. He wasn't smiling, he
wasn't angry or annoyed. He was just staring at me with those beautiful
green eyes. When he noticed me staring back at him, he sat down next to me
and wispered under his breath
"I love you too".
Only one last tear went down my cheek, only to be taken by the edge of his
finger. His touch made me shiver and I felt a pit in my stomach. My heart
started to beat faster. I closed my eyes. His hand went through my long
dark brown hair, and he caressed my head. I turned around, and hugged
him. Hugged him for as long as I could. I couldn't let go. His strongs
hands were rubbing my back in a comforting way and my tears stopped
completely. That's when it hit me... Did he just say he loves me too?... I
jumped out of the hug and just stared at him. We were far from each other
now, just staring from across the bench. I finally relaxed and grinned. I
couldn't help it, he was so beautiful. He finally slowely made his way
toward me again, as did I. And we hugged again for what seemed like
hours. We got out and headed toward the weight room. It wasn't a long
distance, but it sure felt like the way over there was lasting an
eternity. I slowely took his hand into mine, and he grabbed it eagerly. Was
this really happening? Does this mean he is my boyfriend??? The thoughts
vanished as we entered the weight room to start working out.
I didn't try very hard and soon I was done. I couldn't stop wandering
somewhere else in my mind as I was lifting some weights. So I just stopped
and hit the showers alone. He joined me a few minutes later in the showers
and I finally got to see his full body in one long stare. He had long brown
hair coming slightely in front of his eyes, large shoulders and huge biceps
and triceps. His torso and stomach are both well defined and I could make
out a clear 8 pak. His hips were smaller then his chest which only helped
his muscular fraim. As I made my way down, I noticed his huge erection in
my face. It was about 7 inches thick, same as mine. It was truly aroising
to just stare at it like that. My mouth watered for it but I decided that I
would never do that to him in the shower of the gym for out first
time. Very veiny and circumcised... it was like a replica of mine. I loved
that fact because it would mean that we would have no problem finding our
sensitive spots. I looked back up and realised just how much I had taken my
sweet time to just stare at him. He was also staring at my cock, which was
now oviously erect.
"Yo man, is it just me, or does your dick look just like mine" He said
without hesitation
"Hmmm, I sort of came to that conclusion myself while staring at yours"
"Hehe" He giggled and headed toward the shower head right next to mine
We were, of course, alone in the showers. I finally took my eyes off him
and turned around to put some soap on my back. My skin seemed too soft for
a teenager. I figured I would have some sort of achne, but I hadnt gotten a
single pimple. I was very fortunate because Benjamen wasn't so lucky. He
had a few pimples around the back of his neck. But it was kinda cute, as
weird as that sounds. The rest of his body seemed to be completely baby
soft and I couldn't help but try to rub my skin on his a few times. I
turned back around while making sure to be close enough that I could touch
his arm with mine. We both felt it. I shivered a bit at his soft skin
touching mine. I finally couldn't keep myself from doing it again and
again. He finally completely turned around to stare at me. We stared at
each other for something like 3 minutes. And I finally approached him. I
couldn't help myself. I rapped my arms around him and hugged him hard. Both
of our erections were touching and rubbing against each other. I joined in
the moaning Benjamen was making. I finally loosened my grip and looked into
his eyes for some emotion. He looked back into mine. I was starting to head
away from him very slowely but didn't get very far though as he had
agressively grabbed the back of my head and pushed it towards his. Our lips
met for the first time. He sucked in my bottom lip and started playing with
it with his tong. I pushed as hard as I could against his lips, to the
point that my teeth hurt. I felt the extreme rush come up to my head and I
started kissing harder and faster. He opened his lips and started playing
with the tip of my teeth with his strong tong. I couldn't help it, I threw
my face forward and let his tong enter my mouth. Out lips met again but
this time his tong was playing with mine inside my mouth. Our saliva was
constantly being exchanged and it felt great. I felt as though we were one
being at that moment. I faught his tongue back into his mouth and shoved
mine inside his. I felt this inside of his mouth for the first time. It was
soft and wet. While I was feeling the top of his mouth, he started
massaging the bottom of my tongue. I had never felt that sensation before
and I moaned in pleasure. Our faces split apart and his hand that was still
in the back of my head loosened and went back to his side. I opened my eyes
and looked into his. His eyes were sparkling from what had just happened,
and so were mine. We both looked at each other with the most passion and
lust we had ever experienced. I was in love, no question about it. It was
love all right. I went back to my shower head and finished my shower,
without taking my eyes off of him. We went back to the lockers to get
changed hand in hand and left the gym hand in hand. As we exited, I had
just remembered that it was -15 degrees and everything was frozen. We
skated all the way to the subway and made out way downtown to spend the day
together. We held hands in the subway, which got a few stares, but we
didn't care, we were just happy to be together.