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Theiastuck

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and holy shit why is it so hot in here.

Ahem.

As you were saying. Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you are 15 years old. Two years ago… actually, you don’t recall anything special happening two years ago, unless you count developing disdain for your guardian’s BEST PUPPET PAL. You got over it with time, though.

As expected of a 15-year-old boy on his summer vacation, you have spent your day doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. If you could take a college course on doing nothing you would PASS WITH FLYING COLORS. You would get a DOCTORATE on doing nothing. You’re just the best there is at it.

Oh. Seems like the DOORBELL has other plans for you that involve doing SOMETHING. Like checking who’s ringing said doorbell like their life depended on it. It can’t possibly be your BRO. He won’t be home for a few more hours, and he definitely wouldn’t ring the doorbell like A COMPLETE TOOL.

Wow they’re still ringing. Pretty desperate over there. Might as well humor them.

Better look through the PEEPHOLE first. Last time you opened the door without checking, you were subject to the SUPER SOAKER ASSAULT of the bratty half-pint whose family recently moved to the apartment next door. It would have been UTTERLY HUMILIATING, had you not trained under your Bro’s wing since you were small. But you ARE a trained fighting machine, and the brat was quickly apprehended and brought to his parents for GREAT JUSTICE— I mean, a harsh scolding. After you DANGLED HIM OVER THE EDGE OF THE ROOF. He won’t be bothering you for as long as he lives.

Re: Theiastuck

>Have weird half-flashback memory triggered by this person's face.
Dude, why the fuck would you? You have never seen this weird-ass person in your life. You would definitely remember some idiot who dresses in full winter gear in JULY. I mean, who does that? Crazy people, most definitely. Maybe hobos. And crazy hobos. This girl is definitely crazy, what the hell is up with that hat. And she seems to have some bizarro world skin disease. LITERALLY Bizarro World. Really, the only thing about her that looks remotely normal is the red sunglasses. Those are kind of neat.

You DO think that pout doesn't suit her, though. Maybe a wide shark-toothed grin would be more like it. You have no idea why you thought that just now.

>Open door.
Might as well, if only to shoo the crazy hobo girl away. Doesn't seem like she's going away on her own.

>Terezi: Shout something about “JUST1C3” and hit dave with your cane.
To be honest, this is what you planned to do when you finally met Dave. You really did mean to show him your drubbings for being so hard to find! You even thought it was a shame you will not be able to do so with your trusty DRAGON CANE, tragically lost a whole sweep ago. You had it replaced, of course, as no person in their right mind would go without a STRIFE SPECIBUS equipped, but your new cane just isn't the same. Ah well. Any sturdy cane is a good one.

But as it turns out, after a whole sweep of searching, you just can't be bothered with the drubbings.

[COLOR="rgb(0, 130, 130)"]D4V3!!![/COLOR]

>Barge in.
Oh no, seems like a WILD COOLKID is in the way! Nevermind, you were going to hug the snot out of him anyway.

This is Homestuck we're talking. A webcomic that eats paradoxes for breakfast with a side of impossibility. And that's not even including the weird time shit. I doubt the end of the universe would keep a good story down.