I ordered the Fujifilm FinePix X100 from Jessops last Thursday. As if by some miracle they had them in stock, I’d tried selecting ‘in store pickup’ from the web-site but it was having none of it so it had to be home delivery. Done, order confirmation, order being processed.

At 4pm I was going out when the phone rang. It was my credit card company doing a check on recent transactions. Because I have various subscriptions and monthly purchases I don’t always know exactly what has been paid when. The automated system doesn’t help because it simply says, ‘an online music retailer’ for software that I’d purchased from the Mac App Store. I confirmed the last 5 transactions and even had to check my banking software on my Mac Book for one of them. Done. Next day delivery must be assured.

On the day of delivery Jessops had sent an email at 1:38am saying that there was a problem with the order, that the credit card company had refused payment and that I needed to sort it out with them before contacting Jessops again. I phoned the credit card company and went through the usual list of security questions just to be told that payment hadn’t been refused and that I’d confirmed the transaction at 4pm the previous evening. I phoned Jessops and they tried the payment again and after giving my details the transaction went through. But I wouldn’t get it today. It’s great how I buy something using my credit card and get problems but the person who stole my credit card details a year ago was buying lingerie online with no check being made.

I kept watching the status of the order on DHL’s tracking web-page. It moved from centre to centre and this morning was out for delivery. From about 8am I kept thinking ‘any minute now’. I tried not to be on the phone for too long in case DHL hit the door buzzer, I didn’t listen to podcasts during dinner in case I couldn’t hear the door buzzer.

I kept looking out of the kitchen window hoping to see a DHL van pull into the driveway. 4 o'clock came and went. They deliver between 9am and 9pm so it could still arrive in the next 5 hours. I did think, as I have done many times before, there has to be a way to track parcels online after they’re out for delivery. You could wait in all day only to have the package delivered at 5 in the afternoon. You should at least be able to see whereabouts you are on the list, like picking a number at the deli counter.

At 8pm I’d started to search for ‘DHL Ashton Home Delivery’ on the internet. It didn’t look good at all. It seems as if DHL just hand over all the parcels to a bloke in a white van to deliver. The damn thing could be anywhere, I can only see what tomorrow may bring.

Sir Les PattersonThe online archive of Sir Leslie Colin Patterson. Wit, sage, raconteur, late Cultural Attaché to the Court of St James and Chairperson of the Australian Chapter of the International Cheese Board.