Splendour In The Grass gives birth to new STI super-virus

B-Side is our latest news section breaking the stories you won’t read about anywhere else. Hard hitting news off the back of a truck that we published without fact checking.

A mass testing for Chlamydia at Splendour In The Grass confirmed what we’d all expected for a long time, that every festival goer is indeed riddled with the stuff.

After trading a quick urine test for access to a vip tent, it’s believed that the 1000 revellers (who returned a 99% positive result) have now created a super-flu the likes of which is unprecedented. All Splendour patrons are now being screened and possibly quarantined in a hope to avoid further outbreak.

The tent, while advertised as giving “piece of mind” has now offered punters anything but, as no one is quite sure whether they’re safe or not after their sexual partner festival binge.

“We’ve never seen anything like it, who’d have known that a weekend long thousand person orgy would culminate in a super-virus, it’s the stuff of movies” said Dr. F. Steevil, human biology expert.

In light of current events and the birth of what experts are now calling “Splendour-flu” we suggest everyone gets regularly tested and stays safe.