What makes a good mum

Being a mum is one of the most rewarding life experiences. ‘We run around all day chasing our little devils, we spend sleepless nights when they are sick or they can’t sleep, we constantly worry about their well-being and safety. Since the moment they are born, our lives have changed for ever and our views of the whole world have been totally altered.’

Motherhood nowadays IS indeed much harder than it used to be years ago and we all try our very best to be good at it. Surely, mothers worry daily about their highly challenging role and although this could feel frustrating, the fact that they do, makes them good mums already.

However, there are some tell-tale signs that you can observe daily and that strongly imply that you are in the right path.

Your children mostly smile. Happy children are a result of a fulfilling upbringing. It means that you invest a lot of one to one quality time with them, they are free to express emotion, you avoid punishment but emphasise communication more, they follow a healthy daily routine, they feel heard, they get to make choices and they also feel valued and appreciated. You love them unconditionally and that shows in their daily behaviour pattern.

Your children share with others. If your children happily share their toys with others, then you’re on the right track to being a great mom. Holding on to things obsessively is a trait of stunted development past a certain age, and learning to share means you took the time to show your children how to socialize more effectively.

They are polite to everyone. Children learn by copying our behaviours daily – a good mum is the right role model when it comes to having good manners and her children practice that attitude to everyone. Polite children are not only the ones who say ‘thank you’ and ‘you are welcome’, Every child, especially the younger ones, have their own positive non verbal way of expressing gratitude.

[quote_box_center]“We teach children to be courteous by modelling good manners. We teach children to apologise by saying, ‘I’m sorry’, to them and to each other. We teach generosity by modelling sharing”. ~ Pam Leo[/quote_box_center]

They want to spend time with you. You are definitely doing something very right if your children want to spend time and share their feelings, emotions and thoughts with you. They feel comfortable being themselves, they don’t feel that you are judgmental towards them and there is a healthy attachment between you.

They don’t hide bad behaviour. Your children have developed a certain level of trust with you. They know that noone is perfect and them too, indulge in behaviour that sometimes is not appropriate. They have learned to talk about this with you and discuss consequences and alternative actions for specific actions. They are not afraid to admit bad behaviour or lying but on the contrary they feel pretty good about sharing with you.

They know you are their mum and not their friend. Many mums struggle with this – they try their hardest to develop a friendly type of relationship with their children in the hope that they will feel more relaxed with them and open up.

‘If being your kids’ friend was enough to raise them successfully, we would all probably parent that way. But our job is way more complicated than that. Children and teens really crave boundaries, limits and structure. At the same time, they also need some healthy separation from us as they go through adolescence and develop into adults.

Our role as parents is really to teach, coach and give our kids consequences when they misbehave. If you slip into that friend role, however, it’s virtually impossible to lay down the law and set limits on your child’s inappropriate behavior.’

Can you think of any other signs you see in your children that make you feel like you are doing a good job? We would like you to share them with us.

Psychologist, world citizen, mother - Effie is one half of the alwaysladies.com founding pair. She can bring to life any party with either a smile, or a strong opinion. If like us you can't get enough of Effie, visit her blog at www.thethinkingmomblog.com