I was watching a comedian one night and he was talking about the subject of haters. He talked about how they talk about you and try to tear you down because they don’t have any ambition or life has beaten their dreams out of them and left them bitter. But he said something that tickled me but also inspires me. He told all haters to feel free to hate on him. He also said that those who are currently looking for a hater position that they could be hired to hate on him as well.

There will always be those who will “hate” you because you want more for yourself. Sometimes they have gone through so many “haters” and have finally believed the lies they were told about themselves. I used to be the one who sat in the corner and started to believe those lies until one day I just looked up and said, “Lord, who am I to you”? Wow. In his eyes I am a female Michael Jordan. Smile.

I have BIG dreams, BIG aspirations and a BIG heart that won’t let me stay in a box and accept what others say I can and cannot have. I don’t have time to sit around listening to that negative crap others are saying about me or to me.

So, to all of my current and future haters I have to say this, “Feel free to hate on me cause I can’t stop and I won’t stop”!

Have you ever watched a bunch of live crabs in a bucket? They are all trying to get out of the bucket back to freedom. Have you noticed how when one almost gets to the top and it looks like that leg is going to get over the top of the bucket two or three other crabs grab him and pull him back down to the bottom with them? Isn’t that true for real life? It seems like for every one person who is trying to get out of their current situation, trying to make something better of themself or for their family there are two or more people trying to bring them back down. It is the negative words or deeds intended to discourage you. A way to demean you.

I was watching some live crabs in a bucket. I saw one particular crab who kept getting snatched back to the bottom but he never would stop trying to reach the top. And you know what? He made it to the top and actually got over the top of the bucket. Then he actually started coming towards me. You know I took off and finally one of the fishermen got him back and threw him in the bucket with the others.

Watching that crab has been a great inspiration to me in many ways. As a small child I didn’t truly understand how watching that crab would have an effect on me in my older years. I understand how when I am trying to make a positive move for the betterment of both myself and for my family, those nay sayers tell me that I should stop, give up or leave it alone. They tell me that because I am a woman with little or no money that I will never be able to get anywhere. They tell me to be satisfied with the small paycheck, sitting in the back of the church being quiet, I’m too old to go back to school and finish what I started, so many other negatives. It is very rare that you will find someone who tries to encourage you to keep pushing on no matter what. Many times those closest to you are often envious when you decide to stop complaining and get up and try to make some things happen. When you were at the bottom with them and felt hopeless and only wanted to “talk” about the “If I only….” that they were cool with you. Now that you want to “do” what you have talked about and now say “When I get…..or When I do….” that they want to tear you down – bring you back to the bottom of the bucket.

I applaud that crab for even trying and for all matters that count he broke free from his “haters” and briefly felt the freedom he fought for. He may have ended up on my plate – steamed to perfection-ready to be dipped in garlic sauce but I think he tasted so much better because I knew that he fought with his last.

Thank you crab for showing me that dreams with action often bring results! And thank you for being such a tasty meal!

I was listening to the new song “Statistic” by Lyfe Jennings. He was talking about how to weed out the losers and find the 10% of good men left. Here are the rules he stated in his song:

RULE #1
Don’t be a booty call
If he don’t respect you girl he gon’t forget you girl

RULE #2
If he’s in a relationship
If he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you

RULE #3
Tell him that you’re celibate
And if he wants some of your goodies he gon’t have to work for it

RULE #4
Be the person you wanna find
Don’t be a nickel out here lookin’ for a dime

A lot of times we as women are too willing to accept just having somebody for the sake of it. We don’t always consider how he may really feel about you and how he treats you. Often times we lower our standards to accommodate that particular man and then spend most of our time trying to mold and shape him into the ideal man of our dreams. Then we become hurt and broken-hearted when he fights against our “suggestions”, etc. and usually ups and leaves. We then have the audacity to become bitter women talking about how all men are no good, well YOUR man wasn’t any good and if you had used better judgement you would have admitted it from the beginning and left him alone.

I like how he says, “Be the person you wanna find
Don’t be a nickel out here lookin’ for a dime”. We have all of these high expectations out of him but we ourselves haven’t gotten our crap together.

Simply put it like this, why would a jeweler take time to fashion a rare and exotic jewel into the perfect shape, etc. just to put it in a dinky bubble gum setting? It you’re a bubble gum setting why would you be looking for a priceless jewel? Vice Versa.

Maybe if you take time to learn about yourself and be realistic maybe you won’t be spending your time being a booty call or a nickel and be a woman of substance who deserves a man of substance.

In this life we will all experience many things. Not saying that we all will experience everything someone else will. I often talk to different people who have their own “story” to tell, I guess in a unconcious way of explaining the reason as to why they are in the current place they are in.

My motto has always been, “you don’t own the patent nor the license on pain and suffering. You might rent them for a while but you won’t every own them nor really reap any benefits from having them Cause everyone has their own story and they tell it just the way the want to”.

I was a young girl, who was left in the care of a man while my mother worked who decided that I should no longer have my innocence. Little did he know that another man had already beat him to it. I guess monsters think alike. It went on for a while, probably 2 years or so before my grandmother made my mother leave me in Georgia.

Now, my story isn’t really that much different from a lot of women and some men too. Perhaps different scenarios, some more brutal than mine. My monsters felt like they were “preparing” me for the real world when I would one day become a woman. I say this because they often told me that my beauty and my “special place” was my only asset for a man when I grew up. They were just “training” me on how to be a good woman. Bitterly I laugh out loud at this thinking. Twisted, filthy thinking.

Now, forward years later to a 36-year-old woman. A woman who hates the touch of tweed. A woman, who sometimes when certain smells touch her nose, her eyes water and a memory flashes in her mind. A woman who daily has to remind herself that she is more than an outside shell but someone who is loveable even with her flaws.

Now, I don’t have a pity party nor do I use my story to justify any wrongs that I have or may do. I do not sit and give my experiences power over me in respect to how I am with the opposite sex. My story is like your story, my friend. Different characters, scenes and so on. But nevertheless actually the same.

Someone might ask why I tell my story so candidly. Well, I never want someone to have a pity party and think that they are alone. It happened. Will you allow it to control you, your thinking, your life?

Take your story, share it if you have to but know that it’s yours and everyone else have their own as well.

The time to love someone is not when they seem lovable, when they are pleasant or have done everything right or the way you think they should have.

The time to love someone is when they’re at their lowest and don’t see a way out, or when they have taken a road that may not be the best but is was their choice nonetheless.

Always take into consideration what they have gone through, are going through, to get to this place they may currently be in. Consider the hills, the valleys, the pain, the rejection, the hopelessness and even the last bit of strength they may have left before you choose to judge them or “ration” out the love that you feel is appropriate to give to them.

Be careful that you have measured them right, because if you do you will remember that you didn’t get through what you got through alone – you might thought you did – but someone had measured your situation and decisions and chose to love you anyways.

Before you choose to judge someone, choose to encourage them, pray for them and just love them.