Eight Great Chanukah Gifts for Kids

Being a role model for Jewish values is truly the gift of a lifetime.

What is our job as parents? Sometimes we get distracted and think we are the chauffer, the short order cook, the referee... Our job as parents is to be educators. We are teachers. The Hebrew word for education is chinuch, which is directly related to the word Chanukah, which means dedication. What is the connection between education and dedication?

When you are really educating a child, you are dedicating them with values that are eternal. Our job as a parent is to be a teacher of values.

There are so many values we could discuss, but we are going to focus on eight core values. Keep in mind that each one is an entire discussion unto itself (hopefully this will inspire you to learn more about it).

The best way to teach these values to your child is to live them. Be a role model. Have a loving relationship with your kids, and, God willing, you will see children who will come to live these values.

Value #1: Ethical Speech

The Torah teaches us that when someone gossips about others, it is triple murder. Three people die: the one you are speaking about, the speaker, and the listener.

The person you are speaking about dies in the eyes of all who are listening. Gossip is like a fired bullet, once you pull the trigger, someone is going to get killed. You can't ever get that bullet back. Once you speak against someone, what you said is forever in the minds of all who are listening, and they will never look upon that person in the same way again.

The speaker is also being killed in the eyes of the listener. But is that really true? Isn't the speaker, who has the dirt and lowdown (they don't call it that for nothing), the center of attention?

If you're speaking badly about him, you'll speak badly about me, too.

Perhaps at the moment, but the gossiper is really committing slow social suicide every time they speak badly of others. They will not be the person that others will come to and entrust their lives with, ask advice of, or look to with respect. Because they all know: "If you're speaking badly about him, you'll speak badly about me, too."

The person killed most of all is the listener. Of the triangle of people, the listener has the most control of stopping the gossip, and if they don't, in God's eyes they are the guiltiest. So walk away, change the subject, judge the person being spoken about to the good, tell people you don't want to hear it... whatever it takes. But make it clear that you refuse to listen. Because if there is no one to listen, no one would say it.

Many say that gossip is fun. It may be fun... unless they're talking about you.

Value #2: Truth

We are taught that when God signs His name, He signs it: "Emet," Truth. Yes, we know God doesn't actually hold a pen, but we learn from this that truth is an extremely important quality.

One is never allowed to lie, except under three circumstances. The first is for shalom bayit, for peace between people. If someone asks you how you like their new haircut, or if you like how they redecorated their home, and you don't like either, you are allowed to lie and tell them that you do. People's feelings are a higher truth than this other truth. Most people are not really asking for your opinion. If they wanted it, they would have asked you before they cut their hair or redecorated. They are really asking for approval. Give it to them.

The second time one is permitted to lie is to preserve your privacy. If someone asks you if you got a $10,000 raise, and you did, you can say, "no". Why? Because it's none of their business. Your life is not an open book. You are allowed to have privacy and boundaries. (Of course, if the IRS asks you if you got a $10,000 raise, that is their business!)

The third time one may lie is to minimize your own accomplishments. If you are praised for running a school fundraiser all by yourself, you can lie and say you were just one of a committee, even though you ran it all by yourself. You know what you did, God knows what you did, no one else has to know.

Value #3: Humility

The Torah considers humility to be one of the greatest character traits, but you'll never see Time Magazine's "Humblest Man of the Year."

If I told you were going to meet the humblest person who ever lived, would you imagine him to be a small, soft-spoken kind of guy? The Torah teaches that Moses was the humblest man who ever lived, and he was no shrinking violet. He stood up to Pharaoh, met God on Mount Sinai, was victorious in war...

Humility is not "I'm nothing." Humility is "I'm something, but I don't take the credit. I know the true Source of it." When we use our talents, looks, resources, skills and intelligence, we are simply cashing the check that God wrote. Don't take pride, take pleasure. You are using what God gave you for good.

Value #4: Honoring Parents

On the tablets of The Ten Commandments, honoring one's parents is grouped with the mitzvot between man and God. Bad editing job? No, it is a clear message that your relationship with your parents has a direct link with your relationship with God. I have met a number people who grew up with religion and left it. Most did not leave because they had a problem with God, rather they had a problem with their parents.

Most leave religion because they had a problem with their parents.

Your children need to honor you – for their sake, not for yours. (My rabbi says that if you had kids so that they will serve you, an English butler is cheaper.) Your children need people to look up to in their lives. You are not your kids' friend. They have friends. They need a parent.

The Torah offers some tools to help instill this sense of honor: Your children cannot call you by your first name; they should ask your permission before sitting in your designated seat (for example, at the table, in the den); instead of saying "no," teach them to "disagree with honor" – by saying, "Is it possible we could watch for a few more minutes?"

Keep in mind, this applies to you honoring your own parents, and – gulp! – your in-laws, too.

Value #5: Tzedakah

What is the difference between the Jewish concept of tzedakah, and the non-Jewish concept of charity? Charity is: If I feel like giving, I will give. Tzedakah is: Even if I don't feel like giving, I must give. Tzedakah means "righteousness." Doing the right thing is an obligation and a responsibility.

Have tzedakah boxes in your home. Make sure your kids have their own. Teach them the Torah obligation to give 10 percent of all their money (for you it's after taxes) to others in need. When their box is full, have them decide where it goes: to your local synagogue, the poor of the community, Israel...

God created a world where there are people in need. Why does He rely on us to redistribute the wealth? Because having those in need obligates us to give, and that turns us into... givers! And that helps us to become more God-like.

Value #6: Shabbat

The Sabbath is not a day of rest. It is a day that we stop creating, and to recognize there is a Creator. We step back to remember that God runs the world.

Get the kids into Shabbat. Make challah with them, invite guests and let them make place cards and welcome signs for them, give them the traditional blessing while resting your hands on their little heads. Light candles with them, sing Shabbat songs with them, talk about the weekly parsha during the Friday night dinner (see the Family Parsha page).

Make sure your home and family life are different because it is Shabbat.

Remember, it's not all or nothing. But make sure your home and family life are different because it is Shabbat. Perhaps begin with no TV Friday night, so after dinner it's family board games, charades, story time. Instead of going to the mall on Saturday, push it off until Sunday, and use Saturday for Shabbat family walks, visiting neighbors, checking out your local synagogue Shabbat program. Make it a Shabbat shalom, a Shabbat of connection and peace.

Because more than the Jews have kept Shabbat, it's Shabbat that keeps the Jews.

Value #7: Love

There are three aspects to love. The first is knowing that love is the emotion you feel when focusing on another's virtues, and identifying that person with those virtues. Who knows your kid's virtues better than you? No one. Who knows their challenging qualities better than you? No one. And when you choose to focus on their virtues, that brings love.

Love is also defined as: "What is important to you is important to me." We don't have a TV at home. When I travel I watch ESPN in my hotel room so I can come back home and tell my son, Moshie, who is 11 and a big sports fan, about all the players I saw. I don't love sports, and Moshie knows that. But I love my Moshie.

And the Torah teaches us that it's not loving that leads to giving, it's giving that leads to loving. If you want to love someone more, be a giver. The more you give, the more you will love.

Value #8: God

My rabbi taught us that your kids have to know that you love them, and that God loves them.

When you tuck them into bed at night, ask them who loves them. They will name you, your spouse, grandparents, the family dog. Then teach them that God loves them the most. They have very few constants in their lives. They will experience loneliness, rejection, failure... and they even won't have you around forever. The one constant they have is God. Talk about Him, and get comfortable with having Him in your home. If you're not, they won't be.

Ultimately, this whole world is about you and God. Give that gift to your kids. Everything else flows from there. That's real education and dedication. That's Jewish chinuch – a great gift for Chanukah.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio. She is the Founding Director of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings thousands of women to Israel each year from 18 different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage (www.jwrp.org). She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington, D.C. area with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik, and is the busy mother of five children, ages 25 to 15.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 13

(12)
elana,
December 9, 2014 3:16 PM

we - the readers - are blessed

we are blessed to have such a beautiful article, written by such an intuitive author. todah

(11)
Jeanette Weinschel,
June 8, 2010 12:22 PM

excellent

Lori has a special gift and knows exactly how to say something, I always enjoy her videos as well as her articles, as the saying goes she "hits the nail on the head". thank you

(10)
Sarah,
June 8, 2010 12:21 PM

a must reading for parents

Congratulations on a very well written article. Pity that the picture shows a non Kosher Chanukia (the candles should be in a straight line...)

elana,
December 9, 2014 3:16 PM

kosher menorah?

A menorah is kosher as long as you can differentiate the shammash from the rest of the candles easily. much higher, much lower, or appart.

(9)
Meredith,
June 8, 2010 12:21 PM

a time of rededication

Thank you for the reminders, teachings and rededication pointers; we are grandparents and these are still pertinent and relevant points to keep in mind as we interact with our children, in-laws and grandchildren.

(8)
Avraham,
June 8, 2010 12:20 PM

"THank G-D for Lori"

"Thank G-D for Lori"!!

(7)
YBMeir,
June 8, 2010 12:20 PM

Enlightning!

The many beautiful, foundational concepts, so eloquently summarized, give this piece unique power!

(6)
AndreaCarter,
December 23, 2006 2:59 PM

This is inspirational material and I am happy to have found these words in print. I naturally thank God many times a day and now feel like I have permission to continue.

(5)
anniedr,
December 20, 2006 11:15 PM

first i would like to thank you, the people behind aish.com, for the free subscription of this newsletter.i have been reading articles from this site for quite some time now, but this is the first time i am writing.i would like to share that i love the articles i read. i get deep insights after reading them...and i draw great inspirations from them in guiding me in my life. this particular article "eight great chanukah gifts for kids" i am committing to memory,,, the values i mean...and would be teaching / sharing them with my 11 year old boy...many thanks again...

(4)
ShaulPillai,
December 18, 2006 7:28 PM

I truly love your article. You wrote about eight gifts for Chanukah but I'll add that your article is also a great gift for Chanukah. I especially appreciate the part of G-d being a constant in our lives and our children's lives. Also the part of "giving leads to love, not love leads to giving" .... how true!!I'm not married yet but hope to have a family one day and this article is a great input to becoming a better father and also in my opinion... a better spouse. Keep up the good work. Have a blessed day.

(3)
saranna,
December 18, 2006 11:43 AM

Beautiful and true article..thank you...

We have to tell our kids we love them daily...I know from bitter experience...I have made great mistakes... children are the Future... and if we love and cherish them... and give and endow to them and the future... then hopefully we are establishing the pattern for the future generation... Children and all people I believe also have to feel and perceive they are being loved before they can return Love or even just exist...

(2)
jani,
December 17, 2006 10:40 PM

Eight Great Gifts For Chanukah is one of the best articles I have read in a long time. I have learned invaluable lessons from it.

(1)
larafastman,
December 17, 2006 9:11 PM

as a mother of two sons ages 3 and 4 months i loved this eassay and think the chanukah gifts for kids can be used each day of the year!! i am trying to be the best mother i can possibly be!!!