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10 Things You Wish Helped Your Uni Application That Definitely Don’t

Wouldn’t it just be easier if rather than your academic grades and previous work experience, that you could get into uni based on your favourite movie or whether you followed that university on Twitter?

To make sure you revised properly you hand designed the world’s most detailed and brightly coloured revision timetable the world has ever seen. It was unreal. There were different coloured highlighter pens depending on the topic and how long you should study it for, there were stickers, there were smiley faces, and it was laminated. It was basically procrastination at its finest.

I mean it was a bit of a shame that you spent longer creating the timetable than you did actually using it, but still, it shows you’re creative and are eager to learn surely...

If the admissions team saw your Netflix history and what amazing choices were in your 'awaiting to be seen' list, they’d know you were cultural, intelligent and generally had amazing taste in film (a reason alone to offer you a place).

Although you probably wouldn’t show them your 'watch it again' or 'recommended on films you’ve actually watched' list as it’s mainly made up of Disney movies, bad 90s comedies and films that are so bad they’re good.

You’ve got over 1,000 Twitter followers, even more Facebook friends and you’re an expert in instagram filters. You can make even the plainest dinner look like something from a 5 star restaurant. Surely this shows you’ll be able to fit into the university environment, are outgoing and have a creativity that just can’t be ignored?

And if that doesn’t convince the admissions team, then surely your retweet from Jedward should?

If they heard some of your jokes they should let you straight onto the course on the spot, right after they’d sewn their sides back together from laughing so much of course. Your presence will keep students happy and motivated during their studies, which means better rankings for the uni.

I mean, that joke about the chicken crossing the road, it’s an absolute classic.

What says organisation more than keeping up to date with 7 different whatsapp groups, each containing different, and sometimes the same, people? Get the groups mixed up and spill secrets by accident, or fail to keep up to date with all the clashing conversations, and you risk losing your network forever. Surely this shows you’re organised and can keep calm under pressure?

Plus there’s always that moment when you need to get order restored because one group is having three different conversations, and you have to use your leadership skills to get everyone back on track.

You know the importance of personal branding and image, which is why you’ve got your selfie down to a fine art. You don’t need no selfie stick or a few seconds to practise your pose; you know exactly where to hold the phone, what expression you need to pull and what filter to add on after to make it look even more fabulous.

The admissions team would not believe how good you are at procrastinating. Since you started getting homework you’ve been working hard at honing your craft and now you’re beyond an expert at it. It’s like specialist multitasking.

Got revision to do? Your room is at its prime messiness and therefore has to be cleaned before you can even begin. Got uni prep to work on? How annoying, you’d planned to go through your bank statements and put them into folders and that’s really important for your future.

You could teach the admissions team a lot about doing a range of tasks apart from the one you’re actually meant to be doing.

You have loads of friends, and they all speak highly of you, well to your face anyway and that’s what counts. Why don’t the admissions team just take their word for it, that you’re great and you’re totally work hard and do really well and be a credit to their university.

You helped that old lady across the street, you lent money to your friend when they didn’t have enough for the train home, and you let that person push in front of you in the shop queue because they had fewer items. You’re the most generous person ever and you never ask for a thank you.

But you’ve been doing that for a while now, so you’ll accept a uni place as a thank you payment.