"I tell him I tried. I tried to keep memory alive; I tried to fight those who would forget. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. There is so much injustice & suffering crying out for our attention. We must take sides. We must interfere. -E.W.

Three Years

Exactly three years ago. This is how we first saw Ryan as he clung to life.

What can I say on a day like this? Thank goodness it only happens once a year. No words could capture the heartbreak, despair, yearning, and anger. Yes, what I feel is beyond what the written language can offer. Besides, my thoughts are scattered and my emotions are not to be trusted. Still, I am going to try by borrowing much of what I wrote exactly one-year ago today. Funny how the passing of time hasn’t changed much.

We miss our son. Oh, how we miss him so badly. Every day it feels the same. We live a life in limbo. It’s not fair for this to happen to such a fine, gentle, young man. It’s not fair at all. Ryan had it all. He had it all taken away.

I guess there’s really nothing more I can say about that. Instead, today is one of those where I turn to my anger to get me through.

3 years = 156 weeks = 1,095 days = 26, 280 hours = 1,576,800 minutes = 94,608,000 seconds. Yes, Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May (and their families) had nearly ninety-five million chances to do the right thing. Nearly ninety-five million times they fell short. Waaaaaaay short. Really, why would we expect any more from failures… than failure? I can see the truth, and literal proof, in the adage that failure breeds failure. They destroyed lives and turned their backs on the damage they created. Just like the night they attacked my son, they are still hiding. Worse yet, they became aggressive when the opportunity arises. Let’s remember them looking for confrontations in a parking garage and creating and using social media to spew their evil. Haters! We know what you are!

The Vantrease Clan and their son’s criminal trial.

After the sentencing hearing for Austin Vantrease, I remember a big deal made of something I said to the court during my Victim Impact Statement. Something that was twisted and turned by the Vantrease supporters until it fit their insanely illogical logic. I was asked what I thought would be a fair punishment for the convicts. My response? I said, “give me two minutes alone in a room with them and a baseball bat and a promise they will leave in no worse condition than Ryan”. Is this a fair punishment? Yes, I would think it is. Two things about my statement: 1) I never said I wanted to do it, I was asked what would be fair, and 2) it made the point that the court couldn’t satisfy a like-for-like restitution and the maximum punishment is the only option. It wouldn’t be complete justice because that can never be accomplished, but it would be a start.

I had a friend ask me if I had a rifle and came upon either of those two, would I open fire? I said I wouldn’t, content to leave it at that… until pressed. “No”, I said, “I wouldn’t shoot them with the rifle. I’d be more inclined to beat their brains in with it.” I could never do this, of course, but given the hypothetical circumstances, a bludgeoning seems proper. Sadly, I need their miserable selves alive to face their carnage every single day with the hope of somehow taking responsibility.

It’s clear to me that these men are surrounded by anger, aggressiveness, enabling, and denial. I almost fell out my seat when I read a quote posted by Gale Vantrease (Austin’s mama). She said, and I quote, “My heart is broken because of what the media and the state of WV has put Austin through, and Monday [sentencing] was an unbelievable travesty… A fight is a fight is a fight. When you start a fight, or enter into one, there is always a chance you will get hurt….. that is why as parents we BEG our kids not to fight!” (Source: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-­Truth-­About-­Austin-­Vantrease/ on 11/18/2010). Amazing! She blames everyone except her criminal son! What a leathery piece of work she is.

Now, I’ve said this a few times before and I’m going to say it again… As I see it, Bob Vantrease is Gale’s bitch husband. A full-fledged wimp. He must have cried like a pussy when she ripped his testicles from his scrotum. If anyone’s interested, they’re likely in Gale’s purse. She probably keeps them in a pill box.

The other Vantrease siblings are spitting images — personality-wise — of each parent. The son, Cody, is aggressive… a classic example of Napoleon Complex (or, as most would understand, a “little shit”). Like his younger brother, he gets himself into trouble with the law (see Cody Vantrease. Wanted!). Like his mother, I can see the anger and hate engrained in his face. From what I can tell the daughter, “Sis” (as she likes to be called), takes after her dad, the epitome of a passive-aggressive. Remember, she’s the one who thought it was a good idea to start a support website for her felon brother (and then couldn’t understand why people thought this was just wrong). She proudly proclaims “Austin wouldn’t hurt a fly”. Well, I’m sure all flies are greatly relieved.

Jonathan May and Austin Vantrease. Both were convicted in Ryan’s beating.

As for the May family, they seem like they just don’t give a rat’s ass of what becomes of their son and the mess he created. It surprised me just how comfortable and care-free they were in court. They were lounging there reading a newspaper. Any more relaxed and they would have been sleeping. I almost expected room service to come in with tea and crumpets. Do you need your pillow fluffed? Anyhow, I suspect this is a family in disarray. All signs point to it.

Yes, it feels good to just let my anger flow. Sure, I’ll no doubt be told to forgive, or that I’m my own enemy, or how the anger will eat away at me. Who knows, maybe this is true? But I am what I am (real and raw, so I hear). I’m good with how I’m coping. I’ve found a way to get by and doubt I will change… at least not any time soon.

Please know how much we rely on you to help us through. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful that you help carry the burden. Without you all, we would be in financial ruin. We would (and did) go days without eating. Ryan would not be in such great physical health for his type of injury. Thanks to all you bought and do for him. You keep Ryan relevant. His story continues to touch more people and Team Diviney is strengthening.

Thank you.

Disclaimer: This article is my opinion… but I bet I’m 100% correct!

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During this week, when readership will be up, I’d like to use this horrible anniversary in a positive way. Let’s see if I can increase donations to Ryan’s Special Needs Trust Fund. Ideally with more people signing-up for the monthly recurring option, but a one-time contribution is always appreciated. For those who already do this, maybe even see if they might make an extra donation, apart from their recurring one. No sense faking anything here (Real and Raw!), I’m blatantly exploiting the anniversary of the beating to improve the situation. Ryan’s situation, to be exact. I you can help, the contribution form (in yellow border) is in the right sidebar of this page.

Comments

Trying to see this in a positive light: Another year Ryan is with you!

I’m wondering what the address is for Austin so we can send him “fan mail” – forward him pictures of the before and after pictures of Ryan to remind him what he has done. An anniversary card of the pain he inflicted on your family. A reminder of the day he became on official felon. Too mean? He needs to be reminded of what he has done to Ryan and your family. He certainly has not taken any ownership of it and neither has his family. He’s a puss. A coward. He needs to be reminded of this every day. Being in prison is not enough.

You, Ken, are a fighter. An angel to your son and family. We are privileged to share this fight with you. We are thankful that you have a forum to vent your frustrations. It keeps Ryan relevant to all of us and keeps us connected with the Divineys!!

Ryan’s attackers are on a bus clearly marked “HELL.” It’s about time they get off, don’t you think, and get on the one that is marked “PAY UP.” If they don’t, ole Satan is going to love stokin’ his fires with their sorry asses! I’m real and raw today, too, as I’m thinking we all of us here are! It’s a day of heartache that touches my very soul, expecially on the 7th of November.

I hope it helps to know that we are praying for you and for all of us, too. This is a tough day indeed!

On to more constructive thoughts: When is the next fundraiser for Ryan? Any new ideas on the horizon?

Nothing officially planned over the holiday season, but might have some huge media coverage coming in the spring (more on that later… if it happens). Right now I’m hoping people will donate (one-time or recurring) through the website.

My heart is with your family today more than ever. Ryan is well-loved, and we’ll never let go of you. Team Diviney is standing strong and continuing to fight the good fight with you — hoping, believing, bearing and enduring all things because of our love for Ryan. Lifting you up in prayer always <3

The grey day outside seems to be reflective of what happened three years ago. Ryan will always remain relevant and those of us who have stood by you will continue to do so. Your whole family is loved and cared for deeply, nothing is going to change that. We love you~

Team Diviney will always, always stand beside you. When your spirit is broken, we will lift you up. When you celebrate accomplishments, we are right there with you, cheering you on. We are not fair-weather friends. We are a team. And we remain strong.

Hi Ken, I’m grateful you could even find the strength to write today. Thank you for that.

I often get images in my mind of Ryan smiling, wearing a football jersey or dressed in his baseball uniform. Mind you, I never knew Ryan til the horrendous attack on him. Even so, I saw in him three years ago the same thing I see in him today — a very strong, handsome, courageous young man. Definitely not one to throw in the towel on anything. Just like his Mom, Dad and sister.

I’m so proud to know Ryan, and, you, Sue and Kari. The circumstances under which we met were the worst possible. I felt your pain then, and I feel it now. I also knew I had just met a formidable family – inordinately strong — tightly connected and loving — so devoted to one another.

The sorrow about what happened to Ryan tracks us like a heat seeking missle. We run but can never hide from it; we try to cover or dodge it, but it still finds us. So we live with pain, anger, fear and heartache. Somedays are better than others — some are downright awful. No way could this kind of sorrow be shouldered alone, nor should it ever be.

Which is why we’re here. But we could not be here if you were not willing to let us into your lives. I keep going back to a statement a reader once made — that we get far more from Ryan than we give to him. We also get more from you, Sue and Kari than we give — inspiration, motivation, wisdom, strength…and hope.

Thank you for putting fingers to keyboard even when you barely have the energy to keep your eyes open. Thank you for still communicating even when you can hardly see because of the tears in your eyes. Thank you for sharing your creativity and your knowledge.

God bless you, Ken — and Ryan, Sue and Kari. You are always in my heart and on my mind. I’m still here, and I will be here — always.
Sending you my love, hugs and prayers on this very difficult day. You are not alone, we are going through it with you. I have not given up hope…not at all.
Hugs
Paula

A question: If Ryan were to pass away due to complications from his injury, would May and Vantrease be charged with murder (I guess it would be the equivalent of 2nd degree murder since it was not premeditated) or would they be protected by a “double jeopardy” clause? Does this come down to what crime they were charged and convicted of while Ryan was more or less holding his own, or can they be charged again if the ultimate end result is Ryan’s death? I know May was only charged with a misdemeanor, but if I recall correctly, a doctor testified during the trial that it could not be determined if the initial strike from May, or the beating from Vantrease, left Ryan with the most damage…

Ryan is the same age as me and I got to know him and his story through Facebook. I have been following ever since. I really enjoy keeping up with your blog entries. I truly hope that justice will be done and I admire the strength you have through all of this.

This is the first I have heard of this, but your letter touched my heart. I believe I would definitely be in the same place you are, Mamma. I am not financially able to help you, as I am disabled, by my prayers will go up tonight. For both of you. But your anger is completely understandable and in your position, I would feel the same. God bless, and all the best to your family and Ryan, especially. <3

I’m still just as pissed today as I was the first time I met Ryan and seen what those ummm, can’t figure out the right words to call THEM, did to our Ryan. As the first day I read the full story. I AM STILL PISSED!!!!!!

The story caught my interest back in the fall of 2010, because I am a class of 2010 graduate of University of Delaware. I’ve been following this story ever since- Ryan’s voice may have been forever silenced, but his family and his legacy lives on.