Obama Causes Heart Failure

The coroner’s report on Andrew Breitbart found that he died of heart failure. I wonder how Obama managed to cause that. And obviously, the coroner is in on the coverup. I demand to see his birth certificate immediately. I bet the Illuminati are behind the whole thing.

He’s obviously very powerful. I mean, look at what he did to Dick Cheney!

Michael Heath

Nah, this wasn’t Obama’s doing. God killed Breitbart for not being conservative enough; God gave Andrew this wonderful opportunity to spread His Word and Breitbart was too much of a sissy boy to git ‘er done.

There’s no way Breitbart could have had heart problems. He spent each day being extremely angry, yelling at people, and wallowing in bottomless resentment. Isn’t that kind of exercise supposed to be good for your heart?

slc1

I bet the Illuminati are behind the whole thing.

Nah, it was the Bilderbergers.

Gregory in Seattle

Almost certainly, the Illuminati were behind this. But which faction? I’m inclined to say either the Adepts of Hermes: Shangri-La really isn’t into attacks to kill, and the Society of Assasins and Servants of Cthlulhu would have been much less subtle. It is known that Breitbart was a puppet of The Network.

(Pulls out a blank card and begins to design a heart-attack ray….)

Gregory in Seattle

Oops, I meant to say either Adepts of Hermes or the Bavarian Illuminati.

Now you’re just being ridiculous. That’s fiction. Conspiracies are real life!

jnorris

Not just the Illuminati but the Trilateral Commission and the Club of Rome!

cottonnero

It was Wile E. Coyote-style heart failure. Breitbart had no heart, but didn’t die from heart failure until he realized it. Much like gravity only kicked in for the Coyote when he noticed that he was no longer standing on the cliff edge.