Nicole Richie says she’s healthy

Nicole Richie has blasted rumours she is suffering an eating disorder, claiming she is naturally skinny and her shortness makes her look even thinner. She says, “I’m a little sick of it. I think when you see me in person, you see that I’m, like, five foot one – I’m a small person. When I was heavier, everyone said I was too heavy. You can’t win in the public eye and I find it really hard. The only time it bothered me was when I was in a store trying on shoes and these girls came up to me – they were probably like 13 or 14 – and their mother came over, and she was like, ‘Are you taking care of yourself, because my girls think that you’re not.’ That was upsetting. I was never a size 12. I’m so little that I could put on 10 or 15 pounds and it just looks like a lot.”

The only way 15 pounds would look like a lot on Nicole is if she gained it all on her forehead. Then scientists would claim she’s the missing link and take her away for experimentation. She’d try to stop them but fail because she’d be too weak with hunger to lift her giant head off the ground. The scientists would interpret her feeble grunts as a primitive form of communication, and stick her in a cage with a really smart monkey. She may or may not fall in love with the monkey; he’d feed her bananas; they’d laugh and fling poo at each other.