Rampage is making music, taking testosterone

It’s always interesting to see what Quinton Rampage Jackson is up to after a loss. One time he went on an energy drink fueled fast that resulted in a monster truck rampage and brief stint in a mental institution. How will he react to his loss to Ryan ‘Unf unf’ Bader and the negative fan reaction that followed? Fighters Only found out. By writing what is sure to be the biggest hit song by a UFC personality since Arianny:

We made a big hit actually, people will be really surprised when I release this because I have been making music for like six or seven years but never released anything. Now I am finally comfortable to actually release something. I was depressed yesterday but then we made this hit last night and it immediately cheered me up because normally I make music just for a hobby, I never release it, its just for me to enjoy.

But this song cheered me up in my hard times right now and I think my fans can get some enjoyment out of it. It cheered me up if they don’t like it I don’t give a fuck. I’m the king of doggy style.

And talking about that knee injury, more importantly how he was prescribed testosterone to help with it:

I almost pulled out but then I went to see the doctor and he told me to talk to an age-management doctor. So I went and talked to them and they tested me and said my testosterone was low; they prescribed me testosterone, to bring my testosterone levels back up to levels where I can be like… so that I am the same as young people, like when I was 25, and it would help build my knee up. I hurt my knee like a month ago and I only did three shots of testosterone but it put a lot of weight on me, a lot of muscle on me but it healed me knee up good enough to where I could fight.

It was hard for me to train, it takes time to heal, I couldn’t do certain things, but this was my first time ever using testosterone. I took what the doctor prescribed to me and I went to the pharmacy… I gave myself small doses and that shit immediately changed me, that’s why I am saying now I am not going to retire. I am not gonna retire no time soon, its just unfortunate that I got this injury.

I started hitting it up pretty good, I still gotta take care of my knee but I feel like a 25 year old again. My sex life changed, I was back to five times a night like when I was 25, straight up. I got stronger, lifting weights. I was never good at lifting weights but I was doing everything, pull ups and stuff, everything with my top half. I gained a lot of weight but I gained a lot of water as well, I never knew about testosterone putting weight on you like that. I had to cut weight [for the fight] and I cut 22 pounds out of the 30 I needed to cut, I just couldn’t make the rest. I couldn’t make the rest. …I keep it real, I am not doing anything wrong. Its legal and I am not abusing it and I am not going over certain levels. From what I learned about it, when I got tested my levels my levels were really low and the doctor was telling me that athletes can burn testosterone.

Sure enough I did it like a week or two and, I couldn’t train but… that’s why I did this song about doggy style! My doggy style was buck wild man I’m telling you. I was like a young man, back to lifting weights and stuff, running treadmill and I could run and run.

Wow, so you’re telling me that taking testosterone will magically give you the strength and energy you need to be better at MMA and doggy style? I am shocked and amazed. Why hasn’t anyone else looked into this? And isn’t it great that the rules and guidelines regarding performance enhancers are so clear about how to deal with fighters who take testosterone? The current setup is already so great at catching people who use actual steroids. I’m glad it also shines in this new area as well.

Now if only there was something Rampage could take for focus and disciprine.

Testosterone not only is “actual steroids,” it is THE actual steroid (actually cholesterol is, but whatever). Whatever other steroids you take, they work because they act like testosterone.

agentsmith

Is his song called “U Got Stank Breff”?

FilmDrunk

It just so happens that Joe Rogan is promoting a brand new nootropic pill, “Focus and Disciprine,” fortified with Horny Goat Weed and some magic beans he got from a leprechaun. Quick, someone get Rampage a sample.

CAP

Sounds pretty performance enhancing to me. This loophole needs to be closed.

DJ ThunderElbows

My favorite part is where he says he put on a ton of muscle.

iamphoenix

It just so happens that Joe Rogan is promoting a brand new nootropic pill, “Focus and Disciprine,” fortified with Horny Goat Weed and some magic beans he got from a leprechaun. Quick, someone get Rampage a sample.

needs more pun.

Jarman

yeah, totally not punny enough.

agentsmith

10 bucks says Tiki guest stars on this album.

DJ ThunderElbows

Good lord, Arianny on the hook?

frickshun

I bet he only ingested the testosterone after it was deep fried.

Giallo

WTFuckingfuck Rampage either focus on fighting or fuck off. Page and Fedor were my favorites back in the day…fucking sad