50 Year Plan

Especially the older ones.
Honest to God, my niece saw my face pop up on her computer in an ad. AND I'm standing next to Shaun White, who's like king of pre-teens. I wasn't like emailing her. She wasn't on my blog. She's on like "American Girl Doll Website for Tweeners dot org" or something, and then BAM there is her uncle. Super random, but you gotta figure she would think it's pretty crazy and click to see what in the heck her zany uncle is up to now.

But did she? No.

No.

Why? Cause she's not allowed to click on ads. Well, let me tell you something, Taylor, if your UNCLE APPEARS IN AN AD OUT OF THE BLUE WITH SHAUN FREAKING WHITE THEN YOU CAN CLICK ON THE STUPID THING!

Who do I have to be in an ad with for you to be interested in it enough to slightly move your index finger and click on it?! Do I have to be putting Miley Cyrus in a headlock, or be sitting there flying in space with Wall-E?! Would I have to be like standing there with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, like with him giving me a high five, for you to think, "Okay, I'll give this five seconds"?!

I thought it would be fun to buy the kids a Wii. I'm not a rich man. We know this. It's no secret. But I bought them a Wii for Christmas. I had out my little video camera, ready to capture the moment that these three beautiful children would be so overjoyed at having like the hottest video game system that mankind has invented in history or whatever. Surely, this would make them think I was a cool uncle and buy their love for a year.

The video is completely useless. Their reaction to ripping off the wrapping paper and seeing a box marked "Wii" could have easily been, (and imagine a monotone voice) "Oh. I Wii. It's about time." Tristan went back to his "Hess" truck. COME ON! That was my trump card, my ace in the hole, the card up my sleeve, my other gambling reference.

They will never think I'm cool. It's exasperating.

I guess I could try being involved in their lives or something, but ehhh.