The player Sasori falls for an innocent blonde. The non-believer Kakuzu finds himself thinking of a foul-mouthed idiot. Saint-like Kisame falls head-over-heels for a stoic Uchiha and Pain's just trying to move on when Konan breaks up with him. Love sucks. DISCONTINUED.

Pain sat across from Konan and twitched slightly. Playing with one of his nose piercings, he sighed and looked around. The fancy restaurant that they were at was just…too fancy. There were sweet smelling candles at seemingly everywhere, vases with roses and lilacs and tulips and other such flowers decorated every corner of the room, and all in all, Pain just felt very out-of-place there in his jeans, rumpled t-shirt and worn sneakers.

Konan continued to glance through the menu (even that looked horrendously expensive!) and sighed. She looked up at Pain before asking in a slightly bland tone, "What do you want?"

Pain played with his nose piercing in a more frantic manner and leafed through the menu. "I don't know." He groaned silently as the classic music wafted through the air. He knew it was a mistake to bring them here for their four year anniversary! "What do you want?"

Suddenly, she slammed her menu closed abruptly and stared at Pain with frantic amber eyes. "I want to break up."

-o-

"And that's how it happened." Pain moaned while clutching at the bottle of beer held in his hands.

Hidan was laughing away like a madman as Pain retold the sad tale. Sasori's eyebrows were raised and his mouth twitched slightly, indicating his need to laugh, but luckily for Pain, the redhead managed the restrain the need. Kisame looked sympathetic as the heavily-pierced man continued to chug down the watered down beer like his last life-source and Kakuzu just looked bored.

"So she just broke up with you? Just like that?" Sasori asked his best friend and Pain groaned in agony.

"Sorry, man," Kisame offered pathetically. "How long have you two been together again?"

Pain hiccupped. "Four years…exactly four years. She broke up with me! On our four-year anniversary…she broke up with me!"

Sasori sighed and rubbed at his messy red hair as Hidan howled away, loving the way his usually cool and collected friend was acting like a desperate idiot. In fact, the albino actually whipped out a camera and started taking picture after picture of the bumbling auburn-haired man.

"Stop acting so pathetic," Sasori said. "It's embarrassing…" He looked around the bar they were sitting in, and just smirked at all the girls that were looking their way, winking a few times.

"I warned you this would happen," Kakuzu mentioned unhelpfully. "Love never lasts."

Pain howled harder. Hidan began laughing even louder, and gave up taking photos since his hands kept shaking as his body was wracked with guffaws. He began taking videos instead.

"Seriously Kakuzu, you're not helping, so shut up." Kisame said. Reaching over to Hidan and ignoring the glare Kakuzu was sending him, the blue-tinted man began wrestling with the albino. "And stop taking pictures!" He said as he tried to pry the camera from Hidan's grasp.

"Oh Jashin, this is priceless!" Hidan said. So filled with glee, he even granted his closest friends with a non-explicit sentence. Of course, the shining moment quickly ended as Hidan opened his mouth again, "I'm…I'm gonna fucking post this shit on the internet. Fuck!"

Sasori groaned and looked down at the beer bottle in his hands. He loved his friends; really, it was tough love, but this? This was just embarrassing. Looking around and basically pretending that he didn't know the people he was sitting in a table with, his brown eyes caught sight of a pretty brunette wearing a sparkly silver dress. He looked at Kakuzu, seeing as he was the only other person on the table not crying, wrestling, cursing, laughing like a madman or taking pictures, and said, "I'm gonna go. See you guys later."

Kakuzu just nodded. This wasn't exactly new, and he watched as his redheaded friend made his way up to the brunette and began making small talk with her. The brunette was blushing and giggling and Sasori leaned down to whisper something in her ear. The pretty girl flushed even harder before nodding, and the two of them made their way out of the bar.

Kakuzu snorted again.

There goes another girl who couldn't resist Sasori's charm. Whipping out a notebook, he flipped through several pages before adding another tick. Without keeping tally, Kakuzu would have probably lost count of all the girls (and boys) Sasori had sex with. This was the…Kakuzu flipped through almost half the book before sighing and rubbing his head. That was a lot of tallies.

There was a cry of triumph and Kakuzu looked over. Kisame was sitting on top of Hidan and the albino was turning red in the face from either anger or suffocation while cursing up a storm. It seemed that Kisame had finally managed to wrestle the camera out of Hidan and was deleting every picture and video that the albino had taken. "I'll be keeping this." Kisame said before pocketing the camera and going back to his seat. Hidan was wheezing for breath and cursing between every pant.

Kisame noticed Sasori's empty seat but said nothing. The saint-like man didn't exactly approve of Sasori's…ways, but he refrained from saying anything. He was just nice like that. Pain was still wailing over his beer bottle and the side of the table he was at was quickly becoming really wet.

Kakuzu sighed. "You gonna drive him home?" He asked Kisame. Kisame glanced at the wet bundle that was his friend before nodding.

"I guess. I mean, you have to drive Hidan home, right? And I don't exactly trust Pain to be able to drive himself home right now…"

"He'd probably drive off a cliff in an attempt of suicide." Kakuzu stated simply and Kisame gasped in shock at Kakuzu's blatant words.

"Kakuzu! Don't say that!" Kakuzu just shrugged. It was true. He didn't exactly know what state his friend was in right now, and he'd rather not pick up the newspaper tomorrow to see the headlines, 'SUICIDAL MAN DROVE OFF CLIFF BECAUSE HIS GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HIM AFTER BEING TOGETHER FOR FOUR YEARS. WHAT A BITCH'. Or something like that.

Hidan finally calmed down and looked at where Sasori used to be. "Where'd Red go?"

Kakuzu shot him a dull look. "Where do you think?"

"Ah. Went to fuck someone else, eh? Who's the fucker this time? Boy or girl?" Hidan asked while chugging down a bottle of beer. Kisame sighed and drank his cup of water. He refrained himself from drinking, didn't want to drink and drive after all.

"How many people has 'Sori fucked by now?" Kakuzu whipped out the notebook and tossed it at the Jashinist's head. Hidan raised a brow and opened the book to the first page. Bold letters met his eyes. 'HOW MANY PEOPLE SASORI'S HAD SEX WITH'.

Hidan whistled as he leafed through the book. "Man, you're more lifeless that I thought, asshole." Kakuzu ignored him and crossed him arms. "Jashin, there has to be more than a hundred fucking tallies in this thing!"

Kisame raised a brow while Kakuzu shrugged. "Just keeping track of how many hearts Sasori broke."

Hidan turned back to the first page to begin counting properly the number of tallies and Kisame shook his head. "You're such a non-believer, man." He said to Kakuzu. The brunette man shrugged again. So what if he was?

"So what if I am?" Kakuzu shot back. "'Love' doesn't last anymore. Everyone's cheating on each other, or getting divorced, or using each other for sex." Here, his strange green eyes flickered pointedly at Sasori's empty chair.

Kisame sighed and glanced back at Pain, slightly worried since he hadn't heard the pierced-man wail in a while. Pain's head was resting face-down on the table with his arms splayed on the tabletop. The auburn-haired man let out a snort. Kisame chuckled, Pain was obviously asleep.

"Well, I guess I'll be going now." Kisame said. He heaved Pain up and allowed the man to rest and lean on him. Kakuzu nodded and lifted up his hand in a lazy wave and Hidan continued chuckling still.

"See ya, fucker!" The platinum-blonde haired man said merrily with a happy wave. Kisame smiled and waved back before dragging Pain out the door and into the night.

Kakuzu glanced at Hidan before asking, "You ready to go yet?"

Hidan stared at the older man before breaking out into crazed laughter again, his whole form shaking. "Are you crazy, old man? I've only had six fucking bottles, I can continue for a long fucking time."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes as Hidan waved over a waitress and ordered another drink. After another seven bottles, Hidan slumped over like Pain did before him, snoring and snorting at random intervals. Kakuzu snorted in disgust and disbelief as his friend began drooling on the table.

He waved over a waitress and she came with the bill. Kakuzu calmly picked up the black tray and glanced down the long sheet of paper. Seeing the total, Kakuzu silently placed the bill back onto the table and began to wring the unconscious man's neck.

Needless to say, Hidan wasn't exactly a happy camper when he awoke again.

-o-

"But I really love her, you know…" Pain, who happened to be completely heartbroken and slightly drunk, mumbled in a daze as he continued to lean onto Kisame. The blue-tinted man grunted and fumbled with Pain's keys before managing to open the heavy apartment door with one hand.

"And she told me she loved me too! I…I thought we'd spend forever together, ya know? I wanted to marry her, and have her kids…and have hot…hot…sex with her everyday…" Pain mumbled and Kisame flushed slightly. "We've only had sex on the bed…but I planned for us to have it on the floor, and wall…and…and a desk…and maybe some in the bathroom…and…and…"

"Okay! We're home!" Kisame said and unceremoniously dumped the drunken man onto his worn and tattered couch. Pain flopped over uselessly and Kisame couldn't help but face-palm himself.

"So Pain, it's late and I'll be going home now, alright? Call if you need anything." Kisame lumbered to the door and Pain grumbled a farewell and curling up into a ball on the couch. "Lock the door and just call if anything happens, okay man?" Pain nodded and Kisame closed the door gently behind him before making his way to the elevators.

He waited a bit and then an elevator arrived and he stepped in. Halfway down to the ground level, his cell phone began to buzz and he whipped it out. "Hello?"

"Kisame…" He heard Pain moan from the other end. "I need a glass of water…"

Kisame sighed and flipped closed the phone before pressing the twentieth story button and waiting for the elevator to go up again. Once there, he walked to Pain's door and simply opened the door (Pain neglected to lock it) and walked in. Seeing Pain still in the same pathetic position he was in before, Kisame walked into the kitchen, got out a glass and poured some water in it. Trying carefully to not spill anything, he walked back to the living room and gave Pain the glass before waving and leaving again. "Lock the damn door!"

"Nrghh…"

He got into the elevator again, and once he made it to the ground floor, his cell phone rang again. "What?" Kisame asked, knowing it was Pain.

"Kisame…I vomited all over the floooor…" Pain grumbled.

Kisame groaned but nonetheless, pressed the elevator button again and got to the twentieth floor. Opening Pain's door, he stepped inside and saw the puddle on his friend's hardwood floor. Grabbing a mop and pail and wet rag (he'd been to Pain's house enough to know where everything is) and cleaned up the mess.

Once cleaned, Kisame stood up with a groan. He was exhausted. Looking over, he saw that the auburn-haired man was asleep with vomit all over his face. Groaning again, he stumbled into the bathroom, retrieved a wet cloth, went back and proceeded to clean his friend's face. Once his face was all cleaned up again, Kisame threw the cloth into the dirty pile on top of the washer, and promised himself he'd make sure Pain cleaned that soon. Opening the door, Kisame lumbered out and left the apartment complex.

Halfway home, his cell phone began to ring again. Sighing silently, he whipped out the phone and kept one hand on the steering wheel. "Pain? What is it?"

"Kisame…" He heard his friend groan out, "I'm cold…"

"ARGHHH!" Kisame gave out a barbaric shout.

-o-

"Pain?" Kisame asked, wandering into his friend's apartment again.

"Kisame…I'm cold…" Pain said, and Kisame sighed and heaved Pain off the couch. He dragged the shorter man into his room before dumping him into the bed. He dragged the covers over the sleeping man and made sure Pain was all tucked in and comfortable before making his way into the living room.

Deducing it as impossible to make it back home right now, Kisame just sprawled out on the couch with a moan as the bones in practically every part of his body cracked and creaked painfully. Making himself comfortable, he curled up and closed his eyes, prepared to go to sleep at any second.

"…Kisame?" Pain's voice echoed from his room. Kisame rubbed his eyes and pried them open before rolling over.

Hi guys! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. And yes, I know that some (most) characters are OOC, but that's how I kinda intended them to be. Yes, I meant for Sasori to be a total man whore, yes I planned for Kisame to be the total caring/compassionate/animal-loving best friend, yes I planned for Pain to be a stumbling, depressed, sad fool…but no worries! They'll still retain some of their canon traits!

This story is kinda based on the movie, 'Crazy, Stupid Love' so some parts may seem familiar to anyone who's seen the movie, like, for example, the beginning when Konan broke up with Pain. But I'll be changing a lot of things as well, so be prepared for that!

I'll try to update as soon as possible, since it is still the summer (though it's almost over…sobsobsob) but my volunteer and work hours may get in the way so I don't know how frequent the updates will be. Most likely, they'll be infrequent, so I don't know…but I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible! Believe it! coughcoughcough…Ahem…sorry 'bout that…

If you liked it, please leave a review or some constructive criticism! Flames are allowed if there's a good reason for it (please refrain from flaming me about their OOCness…I've explained it in the paragraph several paragraphs before this). If you're flaming just for the heck of flaming…well, take your flames and get the heck outta here! :D

See you guys next time!

Hugs, hugs and more hugs,

Harmony

The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.