What it’s like being a sexual assault survivor in the middle of this election

I like keeping things bright, cheery and never political or controversial on this blog. I want you to leave my site feeling encouraged and loved, never judged or frustrated.

But I’m taking a pause from the cheeriness for a moment. My heart is heavy. It’s been heavy for quite some time, and since the release of the Trump video Friday night it’s become increasingly difficult for me to be online.

–Before we proceed I want to assure you that this is not a political post. I’m not writing this to try to get you to vote for one candidate or another. In fact, you still won’t know where I’m casting my vote when you’re finished reading.–

Watching videos like the one of Mr. Trump is painful for sexual assault victims. It takes time to process and work through. But the video hasn’t been the hardest thing about the internet this week.

The hardest thing, the thing that’s been weighing on me every moment, is seeing so many people defend his inexcusable actions and words. And I don’t just mean the comments from some random guy in who-knows-where, USA.

I mean my friends, too.

I mean everyone who brushes off these comments because they are in a hurry to get back to saying “don’t vote for XYZ” or “here are the reasons you should vote for Trump”.

I realize that the Trump video coming out may not have changed your mind. I realize that you may have reasons for supporting a candidate that go beyond what a video can change. I can deal with that.

But please, PLEASE don’t blow it off.

I know it would be impossible for anyone who has not experienced sexual assault to understand how painful Facebook is right now for victims, even for those of us who are over a decade into the healing process.

Seeing things like this opens it all up again.

His words were horrendous. They hurt. But watching people defend those words, even people who I love and respect, hurts far, far worse.

You may not realize there are sexual assault victims on your friends list, but statistically speaking there are dozens. And those statistics will always be low because people like me didn’t go forward in time to report abuse and forever lost the chance to join the statistics.

So, please, take a day off from your politics and say something for those friends. Regardless of who you plan to vote for, let them know that you stand with them, say what they may be to scared to say: this is not okay.

For me, watching people come to the defense of these words is a huge reminder of all the people in my life that KNEW I was being abused and did nothing. I’m reminded of all the people that I’ve told what happened to me, only to see them brush me off because my story made them uncomfortable, or because they were more concerned about their relationship with my abuser than about protecting his victim.

My heart is raw today, and I know I’m not the only one.

In the upcoming election, vote how you see fit. But please, dear friends, please stop mentioning Trump’s abusive talk in a “that was bad but look at these good things he can do” type of way. No amount of good things can transform abuse talk (or action) into something that can be swept under the rug.

Please: take a moment, set your politics aside, and ask an abuse victim how he or she’s doing. Post something about a safe place for help for victims of abuse.

Did you know, it’s also highly likely that you also have friends who are currently being abused? Sadly, right now, the internet is telling them that their abuser’s actions are okay as long as their abuser also does good things. The internet is also telling them none of their friends will believe them or help them get out of an unsafe situation. These aren’t people who were hurt long ago. These are people who are trapped, right now, and who are too scared to ask for help because the whole world is against them.

Are you meaning to hurt these people? I doubt it, and that’s why I wanted to tell you what the internet is like for a victim of sexual abuse today. It’s definitely not a great place to be, but maybe you can help me make it a little bit better.

Politics shouldn’t come before love; please look at what you are posting and make sure it’s loving. Say something about sexual abuse that has nothing to do with convincing your friends to vote one way or another. Don’t be a Republican or a Democrat or a whatever — be a human. Be a friend.

To all of my friends who are victims of abuse, and sexual assault… I’m sorry. I know this week has been hard. What Donald Trump has said and done (and how the internet has responded) is inexcusable and deplorable. I’m sorry, and ️this is not okay, election year or not.