I know this will come to you as a surprise because most of the time those hilariously misleading Nigerian scams get filed directly to the spam folder. I am skeptical of your claim to work for the Central Bank of Nigeria, because I am aware that in your native language, “Central Bank of Nigeria” is translated loosely as “unemployed and living with mom”.

If you really had $20,000,000 in $100 bills, you would not need a random internet stranger to handle your embezzlement and money laundering. In this country, a man with 20 mil in his back pocket does not lack for means or accomplices. He hires professionals. Further, the 70/30 split between you and I does not appear to be a sound investment. I don’t need the money that badly but perhaps we can come to an arrangement.

As proof of your bona fides, and to distinguish yourself from other scams, you will remit no fewer than 250 antelope of both genders and six live African lions—two male, four female. Note that the lions must be an intact pride group and not merely six strangers, who will otherwise fight and kill each other while in transit. The lions may kill up to 10 antelope (and ideally your courier supervising the shipment) en route to provide for themselves.

When the animals have been received, quarantined, and successfully replaced the indigenous pigeons, geese and raccoons in the neighbourhood, then we can do business.