I will start off by apologizing for anyone I have used this on, regardless of whether or not it worked. I’ll also say that I don’t do this anymore. It was great at Whitman where you know everyone and they know you. At random house parties, with random people, it is much much less effective. Plus, I just don’t do this anymore because I’m nicer now. I swear.

Again, I apologize.

Neutral topic. See, there’s no introduction because you should already be aware of who they are. But, introduce yourself if you must. Then, you move on to a neutral topic. You hear a snow storm is coming. That one class you have together is boring. The music playing is awesome. Whatever. Some topic you can have a pleasant, easy exchange about.

Light personal question. This is where it all begins. The idea is to make them feel like they are the only person in the room that is interesting. You want to know something about them. If the person is unwilling to give you an engaging answer about their personal life, they are not interested. Move on. Otherwise, inquire as to who they are and what they do.

Comment on the party. Another reason why this was more successful in college – the idea is that there might be somewhere cooler to go. This party is fun, but not awesome. Don’t be a dick about it, just hint at the state of the party. Listen to hear if she feels the same.

Back to neutral. Something of common interest that can easily be discussed. At this point, you hopefully have been talking long enough to be close. Eye contact is important. If you can, touch should be established by grabbing a shoulder to lean in to hear better or touching her arm briefly when she makes a good point.

Personal questions. You really genuinely want to know her. Remember, she’s the most important thing in the room. Getting her to open up and feel comfortable is a must.

Touching. If you’ve already established light contact, as the conversation moves forward, you need to get closer. I normally go for leaning in and touching a shoulder, then a light elbow grab, then the top of the back, and finally the small of the back. Being at a party, leaning in to hear someone better is really normal – use it to your advantage. If you’ve comfortably made it to the small of the back, she knows what you’re doing. Your intentions are marked and clear. Which leads us to the final step…

Leave the party. That’s right. With or without her, it’s time to go. Ideally, you comment that the party isn’t that great and you really want to check out this other party and she should come with. She often won’t. That’s your excuse to give her your number in case she changes her mind. She goes with you, mission accomplished. She doesn’t, it is yet to be seen whether or not you just struck out. It’s up to her. When you leave anyways, that special feeling you hopefully gave her of her being the most important, interesting, special person in the room goes with you. If you’ve done your job right, she’ll use your number. If she wasn’t interested, she wasn’t interested. No big deal.

These are what I call my "moves"

Wow, I’m a douchebag.

But for real, I used that a LOT in college and 90% of the time, I struck out. A big, big, BIG problem was that I was often hitting on straight girls. I had way better luck with the ones that were actually gay.

Hitting on straight girls after college was always amusing because they had no idea I was gay. Here I am, making a new friend and impressing their socks off and suddenly they realize… You can actually see the epiphany in their faces. If I was doing a good job, that often then led to confusion. I could actually see them recognize what was happening and whether or not they were about to go with it or whether they should run away.

I’ve never had anyone run away but I never actually convinced a straight girl to give gay a shot for an evening. I struck out every single time. And I’d do it again. And again. Zero shame.

Rejection is a silly word because, yes, this girl is not interested in making out with me but why? There could be a million and a half reasons and I don’t know why. I don’t need to know why. It’s not because I’m not awesome. There are plenty of people I don’t want to make out with. It’s not the end of the world. Life goes on. You are no better or worse after the “rejection” takes place. So, no point in being afraid of it. Hell, I get rejected all the time.

So, I’m sorry if I’ve tried this on you. I swear I’m a good person. Feel free to scold me in the comments below. I deserve it. But recognize, I am a romantic and always looking for love. Who know what we could’ve found…

Special note that I never once had sex in college so my idea of winning at this game was a makeout session. It reads as total douche and then you remember college Kim was weirdly chaste and innocent. Strange, I know.

4 Responses to “My 7 Point Flirtation Method”

I read this a while ago and huffed at it and felt affronted, but apparently it stuck with me because I just went through all your blog posts to find it again. You did do this on me. Word for word. And it did work. You came into my room, away from the party “so we’d be able to hear each other,” we finished a bottle of Jack I kept under the bed, and you made me feel like the specialest. That’s right, the specialEST. Not specialist. Anyway, we made out. But suddenly you had to leave, but I was semi-hosting the party so I couldn’t, and then the next day you didn’t recognize me. It sucked.

But this post does kinda make up for it. I mean, a little bit. Because now, months after reading this and years after my actual experience with it, I’m connecting it to many relationships I’ve been seeing around me. It happens all over the place, where this kind of focused attention can totally hook a person, and then so long as that kind of charming pops up every once in a while you’ve got a loyal follower who will put up with a lot just in the hope they’ll see that side soon. It’s conditioning and behaviorism and so easily feeds into domestic/dating abuse and is… you know, interesting. Thanks for owning up, and thanks for not being that way anymore.

College was a time where I felt drinking too much and hooking up were not only acceptable forms of behavior but revered. Indeed, I was young and newly out and bubbling with a confidence I currently still possess. Luckily, the passing of time has taught me that people have feelings, not everyone is on the same page and The Pick-Up Artist was not actually “helpful” to watch.

Beneath all of that bravado, I still would never do more than make out with anyone I set my sights on. There was always a closet romantic hiding underneath, I just had to be truly bold enough to admit it and seek something of more value. It’s still something I struggle with to this day. But hey, we accept the love we think we deserve…