There are certain behaviours that are distinctively Irish and are to be observed
in Irish American families. Many of these traits are unconscious, some of them unhealthy.
In naming them, Monica McGoldrick has learned how best to work with Irish American
families in a therapeutic situation.

Monica McGoldrick

Irish Mothers

ons and daughters rarely dare to voice their resentment, being both guilty and
admiring of their mothers' stoic self-sacrifice. Clinically, it is important to be
non-blaming when we see mothers who are overly central in a family and dote on their
sons, while being more demanding of their daughters. At the same time we must question
with them and their families the patterns they are perpetuating.

Interestingly, the Irish have traditionally allowed more room for women not to
be mothers than many other cultures in which women without a family might have no
role or status at all. They are the only group in which the emigration of women to
the United States far surpassed that of men. In the United States, as in Ireland,
Irish women continued to be reluctant about marrying. They have enjoyed a comparatively
open range of economic options in domestic work, nursing, and schoolteaching. And
this, along with the high rate of desertion of Irish men from their families, augmented
female family authority. There has long been a respected role for the unmarried "Auntie
Mame," the feisty, independent, funny, and important contributor to family well-being.
Clinically, we can strengthen women by underscoring and validating this appreciation
for roles beyond mothering, helping single women see themselves as part of a long
tradition within Irish families.

Irish women have generally had little expectation of, or interest in, being taken
care of by a man. Their hopes have been articulated much less in romantic terms than
in aspirations for self-sufficiency (Diner, 1983). They have always remained reluctant
about the prospect of giving up their freedom and economic independence for marriage
and family responsibilities. An Irish woman is likely to try to do it all herself
and never ask for help. She may not expect to rely on a partner for either intimacy
or contributing his share of the burdens of family life. This reflects, of course,
a common gender assumption, but also a specifically Irish tendency not to articulate
needs and feelings and to assume that if you are really loved, the other will know
your feelings without having to be told. Often asking gentle questions about the
assumed roles of men and women in the family can be an important first step in enabling
them to change lopsided and dysfunctional gender patterns. However, therapists must
always be careful that they do not unwittingly increase the Irish client's sense
of guilt by subtle questioning that suggests they have done something wrong.

Ridicule, belittling, and shaming have played a major role
in child discipline.

Childhood

The Irish tend to view people moralistically as good or bad, strong or weak. The
family often designates a good child and a bad one, and they may ignore aspects of
a child's behavior that do not fit their designated roles. In one Irish American
family, for example, the mother always spoke about her three children as "My
Denny, Poor Betty, and That Kathleen."

Ridicule, belittling, and shaming have played a major role in child discipline.
(Barrebee & von Mering,1953; Spiegel, 1971a, 1971b). In families where alcohol
is abused, discipline is often inconsistent and harsh. However, in many families
Irish mothers ruled so well that a mere look or even the thought of her disapproval
would be enough to keep children in line.

Children in Irish American families are generally raised to be polite, respectable,
obedient, and well behaved. Typical familial injunctions would be, "What will
the neighbors think?", "Don't make a scene", "That's a sin",
or "You'll go to hell". Irish parents may rarely praise their children,
fuss over them, or make them the centre of attention for fear of spoiling them (Barrabee
& von Mering, 1953). This strict and restrained attitude toward children may
be very hard for a therapist from a more expressive culture to understand, just as
it may be difficult for the Irish to understand other groups' permissiveness and
encouragement of children to "show off" their talents. Beyond the mother-son
tie, family members tend to stick to their own sex and generation in forming relationships.

Whereas large family sessions that draw on the resources
of the whole family may be supportive for some groups, for the Irish they may raise
the anxiety to a toxic level, leading to denial and embarrassed humor, to cover over
their sense of humiliation.

Extended Family

Extended family relationships among the Irish are often not close, although families
may get together for "duty visits" on holidays and act jovial and "clannish".
Family members tend not to rely on one another as a source of support, and when they
have a problem, they may even see it as an added burden and embarrassment for the
family to find out. The sense of emotional isolation in Irish relationships is frequently
a factor in symptom development and has important implications for therapy. While
siblings may meet for holidays out of a sense of loyalty, there is often a feeling
of emotional isolation. Though the family may act pleasant and humorous, any emotional
exposure to outsiders may be felt as a severe breach of family rules. Older, unmarried
relatives may be totally out of contact or may form isolated units of siblings or
parent and child, who maintain almost no communication with other parts of the family.
Typically, one extended family member (usually a woman) is of central importance
for the family. It may be essential to get permission of this matriarch, most often
a grandmother or senior maiden aunt, if therapeutic progress is to be made.

The Irish have a tremendous respect for personal boundaries, are enormously sensitive
to each other's right to privacy, and will make strong efforts not to impose or intrude
on one another. In older age they tend to have a more independent, active view of
themselves than the elderly of some other ethnic backgrounds (Cohler & Lieberman,
1979).

"The Fifth Province," a magical place is a place of imagination
and possibility, where ambiguities and contradictions can be contained

Irish Americans in Therapy

When the Irish go for therapy, they will probably not look their best. They may
view therapy as being like confession, in which you tell your sins and seek forgiveness.
They may not understand their feelings and will certainly be embarrassed to admit
them. This creates a dilemma for the therapist, since, on the one hand, family members
fear he or she will see through them, which is very embarrassing, or, on the other
hand, that he or she will not understand what is really bothering them and they might
have to explain it, which is highly embarrassing as well. Irish clients often take
a one-down position, seeing authority as vested in the therapist.

As a general rule, structured therapy, focused specifically on the presenting
problem, will be the least threatening and most helpful to Irish clients. Suggestions
for opening communication that preserve the boundaries of individual privacy, such
as Bowen therapy, will be preferable to bringing the entire family drama into a therapy
session. Whereas large family sessions that draw on the resources of the whole family
may be supportive for some groups, for the Irish they may raise the anxiety to a
toxic level, leading to denial and embarrassed humor, to cover over their sense of
humiliation. It is often more fruitful to meet with smaller subgroups of the family,
at least in the initial stages.

The Irish will probably respond more readily to a fairly structured, problem focused
(especially child-focused) approach. Brief, goal-oriented therapy with a specific
plan and a right and wrong way clearly spelled out (such as behavior modification)
would be likely to have appeal. Vague, introspective, open-ended emotive therapy
might be experienced as very threatening. Therapy oriented toward uncovering hidden
psychological problems is likely to increase their anxiety and their conviction that
they are bad and deserve to suffer. The Irish may be more effectively helped by the
somewhat mysterious, paradoxical, and humorous techniques of which they themselves
are such masters. Perhaps it is not surprising that some of the most well-known therapists
of Irish extraction, Bill O'Hanlon, Steve Gi11igan, Phil Guerin, Tom Fogarty, and
Betty Carter, for example, espouse more positive, humorful orientations to therapy.
These methods encourage clients to change without dwelling on their negative feelings,
and organize therapy around building on a positive connotation and a more hopeful
vision of their lives.

One of the most creative therapy approaches in recent years, "The Fifth Province
Model," developed by three Dublin therapistsNollaig Byrne, Imelda Colgan McCarthy
and Philip Kearney evolved specifically out of thinking about Irish history and has,
not surprisingly, great merit for therapists dealing with Irish Americans (McCarthy
& Byrne, 1988, 1995; McCarthy, in-press). This model seeks intentionally to draw
clinical attention away from polarizing conversations and into the realm of ambiguities,
that unique place in Celtic mythology where all contradictions can coexist. "The
Fifth Province," a magical place that included the other four Irish provinces
of Munster, Connaught, Leinster, and Ulster, is a place of imagination and possibility,
where ambiguities and contradictions can be contained, where ancient Celtic chieftains
came to resolve their conflicts through dialogue with druid priests. In their therapy,
they develop multiple stories, offer metaphors and Irish folktales as interventions,
and intentionally expand narratives beyond "logical" linear discourse.
Furthermore, they use the political metaphor of colonization as a framework for their
whole therapy, scrutinizing carefully the potential role of therapy itself to "colonize"
or oppress clients, as the Irish themselves had been colonized.

Whereas clients from other backgrounds may be quick to demand that plans be made
to suit their convenience or that the therapist solve their problems, the Irish may
have enormous difficulty with such self-assertions. Nevertheless, the Irish can be
very gratifying to work with because of their extremely strong sense of loyalty and
their willingness to follow through on therapeutic suggestions. They are also apt
to accept the therapist readily; they may not question credentials, even when it
may be in their best interests to do so. Unfortunately, their responsiveness can
become a hazard when it produces compliance without real collaboration in the change
process. The therapist must help them develop a genuine investment in the process
of change and not rely on their politeness, sense of responsibility, and obligation
to duty.

Small changes may be registered as large gains in the family, in spite of the
many aspects of family relating that remain unaltered. Because of their ability to
compartmentalize, they may change, yet have many levels on which they have not connected
the therapy with their lives. Therapy, like their religion, their dreams, and their
prayers, becomes a new "therapeutic reality," one not necessarily integrated
with their other spiritual or healing resources. The therapist can become an authority,
who, like the priest, gives instructions that are to be followed.

Irish families also probably prefer therapists to keep a friendly distance. A
sense of humour can be a great asset, provided the therapist remains serious and
businesslike at the same time. Any personality style too loud or idiosyncratic is
likely to make the family extremely uncomfortable. A therapist who swears, for example,
is likely to be viewed as crude or sacrilegious.

Although family members may fail to see the need for the father's presence, it
is important for the therapist to involve him in therapy. Although Irish men will
often find a woman therapist intimidating, the strong role of Irish women may mean
they are more comfortable with a woman therapist than are families from most other
"traditional" cultures.

In working with the Irish, the therapist must often read between the lines, whether
of blustering or of muted compliance, to ferret out what is really troubling them;
then the Irish sense of loyalty, humour, and responsibility become the best clinical
resources. Given the Irish embarrassment about their feelings on the one hand, and
their wish to be responsive to suggestions on the other, tasks that can be carried
out at home may promote communication more successfully than directly confronting
family members in therapy. It may help to give tasks that focus on presenting symptoms,
structuring family interactions at home to address maladaptive family communication
problems, rather than unmasking them directly in sessions.

Their deep sense of personal responsibility is, in fact,
their greatest personal resource in therapy.

There are many advantages to doing this. It fits with the Irish expectation of doing
penance for their sins, provides structure within which to organize their behavior,
spells out a right and wrong way, and spares them public exposure in therapy. This
clarity is important to those who fear doing wrong. It also provides a sense of success
early in therapy, which may be especially important for the Irish, who are preoccupied
with feeling they are bad and have done wrong. When the Irish do engage emotionally
in therapy, they may be seeking forgiveness or absolution, which can be a trap, since
granting absolution keeps the client in a one-down position. Attempts at self-justification
and tales told to show how it was someone else's fault tend to be a coverup for many
layered levels of self recrimination.

The Irish family's sense of isolation can be so great that a therapist may not
realize how much it means to them just to have a safe, accepting place to talk to
each other about thoughts and feelings. At the same time, the use of nonverbal techniques
such as touching exercises, psychodrama, or structural techniques to increase anxiety,
may be highly threatening. Efforts to help them reconnect may do a lot to lessen
their feelings of emotional isolation. However, this work requires respect for personal
boundaries, for the family's need to preserve a degree of distance, and for leaving
certain things unspoken.

In general, positive connotation, giving a caring interpretation to behavior,
is of much more use than traditional psychodynamic interpretations for Irish clients,
who are likely to blame themselves for whatever goes wrong and be fatalistic about
internal change. Structuring the distance and intimacy will increase the family's
sense of control over their feelings. The Irish may respond extremely well to Bowen
Coaching, because of its emphasis on working out relationships in private, and on
personal responsibility for change. The Irish are, indeed, excellent candidates for
such therapy and may continue working to change relationships on their own, long
after the therapy is over, because of the way it provides them with a method for
reworking relationships they may have found overwhelming and confusing in the past.

One young woman, whose father had been a successful journalist and the rebel of
his family, had great difficulty establishing a relationship with her sole surviving
aunt, who was the principal upholder of "Irish Catholic values" for the
family. This aunt had been the spinster sister who remained home to care for her
aging parents until their deaths. She had built up a lifetime of unspoken resentments
about her role, in spite of the secondary gains of being a martyr similar to the
heroine of Final Payrnents by Mary Gordon (1981). The aunt never missed sending
cards for birthdays or Christmas, but when the niece attempted to make more personal
contact, she resisted it strongly, agreeing to meet only rarely and for short visits,
limiting discussion strictly to the topics she chose. Initially the niece was quite
put off by this behavior, describing her aunt as "a prune with doilies on the
chairs". She was annoyed that her "open hearted" approaches were rebuffed
for no apparent reason. However, the young woman persisted. It took several years
of letters and gradually more personal phone calls before she was able to learn enough
about the family background to realize that the resentment she was experiencing had
been carried down in the family for several generations. This aunt was the unappreciated
and over-burdened spinster, who stayed home and resentfully cared for her parents,
while her brothers got the glory. She had become the repository of unforgotten slights,
"offering up" her family burdens in her prayers for the family's return
to the Church. Church rules had been used in the service of bolstering her self-righteous
indignation, which covered her sense of betrayal and hurt that her efforts on behalf
of the family had never been reciprocated or appreciated.

In families such as this the work obviously proceeds slowly. However, the long-term
benefit of each pursuit to family members is often powerful in overcoming their painful
sense of isolation and vulnerability.

Conclusion

Do not expect the Irish to enjoy therapy or feel relieved by having a cathartic
heart-to-heart discussion. The therapist working with an Irish family must be content
with limited changes. Families may not wish to move beyond the initial presenting
problem, and it is important for the therapist not to pressure them into further
work. Attempting to get spouses to deal with marital issues after a child-focused
problem has been solved, for example, will probably make them feel guilty and incompetent
(Hines, Garcia-Preto, McGoldrick, Almeida, & Weltman, in press). It is better
to reinforce the changes that the family members do make and to let them return for
therapy later at their own initiative. Even if the therapist perceives that there
are emotional blocks in the family that are still causing pain, it is important not
to push the matter. Because of the lack of immediate feedback about therapeutic progress
from the family, the therapist may be surprised to learn that their Irish families
have continued therapeutic work on their own. Their deep sense of personal responsibility
is, in fact, their greatest personal resource in therapy. They often do continue
efforts started in therapy, although they may not openly admit either fault or their
resolve to remedy it.

Monica McGoldrick works in the Family Institute of New Jersey.

Our thanks to Monica McGoldrick for permission to publish this article. It
will appear in a book entitled: Ethnicity and Family Therapy, 2nd Edition, edited
by Monica McGoldrick, Joe Giordano and John Pearce, Guilford Press, New York City.