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Mel or Tom: Who’d You Rather?

The most shocking thing about the footage of Mel Gibson's interview with Diane Sawyer: he might be an antisemitic madman, but he's still kind of hot. Not necessarily in a "you can call me sugartits anytime you want" way — … Read More

The most shocking thing about the footage of Mel Gibson's interview with Diane Sawyer: he might be an antisemitic madman, but he's still kind of hot. Not necessarily in a "you can call me sugartits anytime you want" way — but out of the two heartthrobs-turned-tabloid-fodder over the past year, he looks a hell of a lot better than Tom Cruise.

Back when I was part of the worst field hockey team in the Quaker League, we used to play a lot of Sex or Death on the game bus. The rules are simple. Someone picks a disagreeable person, and then everyone has to announce whether they'd rather have sex with that person or die. Varients include Sex or Losing a Toe (for candidates who were unappealing but not fatally repulsive) and Sex or Violent Diarrhea (it might go without saying that nobody playing this game had ever actually experienced the act of physical love.) You could also play the game with two people, the idea being that if you reject one, you have to have sex with the other.

In 1996, nobody would have mentioned either Mel or Tom in a game of Sex or Death. Mel was Braveheart; Tom was Jerry Maguire. Mel was Mad Max; Tom danced in his underwear in Risky Business. But it's not 1996 anymore. Commenters, I ask you: if you absolutely had to, would you pick Mel or Tom?

(I took a verbal poll in the office, and both respondants would only say "Ew." Wimps.)