Giving relationship advice

One of the things I used to do a LOT over the years was write articles about how to have better relationships and dating experiences. With all the books I’ve read on how to have better relationships, and all the relationships I’ve had in the past that inadvertently helped me understand what NOT to do, I became quite knowledgeable about dating and relationships and the psychology of human interactions.

I’ve had friends in the past – and acquaintances – talk to me about their dating or relationship issues, seeking advice on what they could do to improve things. As one of them put it to me during a conversation last year, it’s my ‘black and white thinking’ that they appreciated, that gets past and through all of their emotional drama and into the objective facts of the matter.

I was reminded of all this today, when I had a woman commenting on one of my blog posts, seeking to understand more about a man she was interested in who she felt was an INTP. I provided some insight and thoughts to help them understand a bit more about an INTP man, which they appreciated. Maybe they’ll end up one day married and living happily ever after as a result of my advice. Who knows? I don’t know.

But I do know I enjoy it.

I keep forgetting about this interest and passion all the time, but occasionally something like today happens to remind me of it again and bring me back in touch with it.

It’s something I’d like to do more of. I enjoy being able to see things other people can’t, because they’re too emotionally entrenched into the experiences they’re having. They can’t see the forest because of the trees they’re surrounded by, and the emotional dramas they’re involved in that blinds them to objective truths they’re not able to see.

I seem to be able to talk to someone, find out a few things about them and their concerns, and be able to quickly identify where their issues come from. In understanding this, I can give them some insight on how they can improve their life, their dates, their relationships, and their communications. Sometimes it’s not what they want to hear, because sometimes the only way to improve your life is to simply walk away from it. Or run from it, as fast as you can.

People don’t like hearing that though. They’re completely and absolutely invested in staying with their ‘significant other’, even if it’s slowly killing them. That makes me so very sad.

We shouldn’t be with people who are slowly killing us with their toxic crap, sticking with them because we think it’s ‘the right thing to do’. Right by whom? If you’re suffering from a relationship, it’s certainly not right for you, and you should be getting the hell out of it.

I don’t care if there’s kids involved, because kids would ultimately like to have parents who are happy, even if it’s because those parents are no longer with each other. Kids grow up to become adults. They’re able to handle the changes of life and relationships, if only we gave them more credit than what we do.

And also, is it really a good idea to teach your kids that they should sacrifice their own needs and happiness so they can stay with someone who might very well be mistreating or abusing them? No, I don’t think it is.

I tell people this stuff. I tell them things they might not want to hear. I encourage them to choose their happiness and joy of life’s experiences, rather than to choose a life of misery, sadness and resignation. I encourage people to be with someone because their life is significantly improved by the relationship they have with the other person. If their life is a misery, I encourage them to change everything.

We need to be with someone we respect, and who respects us. Why be with someone who doesn’t respect you? Or that you don’t respect?

Move on, for fuck’s sake.

We only get ONE chance at this life. We owe it to ourselves to make the most of it. We’re missing out on too much by being with the wrong person and sacrificing our life to try and fulfil theirs.

I enjoy helping people see and choose better options, and I’m going to keep considering this as I move forward in my own life.

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Hi, I'm Alan from Canberra, Australia. Thanks for visiting! If you're new to this blog, you might like to click on Start Here to learn more about who I am and what this blog is about. Don't be afraid to say hi and leave a comment!

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