I tried, I swear I tried the hardest to get to you. I tried to figure out what would be the girl of your dreams like but no, I’m not gonna change. I’m still myself, maybe even more myself than never, I’ve got this point. And I’m proud – for me. You should be too.

I don’t know how much you know or how much you think you know about my feelings. Even when I had told you everything I ever felt, you never made it easier. You never showed me you really knew, what makes me feel like a stupid jerk who used all of her courage for nothing. Yeah, courage, I needed a lot of that.

But I’m writing because I give up. I tried before and maybe I won’t get that right now. But we are way too different. Things we talked about yesterday, things you said which I don’t believe in. Maybe that’s the point. I know it doesn’t work. Even if you believe a year is enough to forget someone who’s far… I know it isn’t. I’ve tried this before. Here’s the tip: it REALLY NEVER WORKS, just make it worse. Until you find another one or you get so sick of waiting for true love you give up everything about your heart and goes back to that cold person you were before. And I really wish I can go back for that.

Thanks for the memories. The memories that have been hurting me for over a year.

You make me cry, you make me insane, you make me different. But not anymore.

July 29, 2009

I gotta look like a SO problematic person. But I don’t mind, that’s none of ANYBODY’s business, then it’s still my own problems. If it matters to you, imagine it’s just another of those boring books about how to act. Or not, but the truth is things are getting a little outta place. Or am I losing myself? Don’t matter.

But I’m having a serious problem with my own personality. It’s calling me to act and fight for what I want, as I always did, but the person “me” is telling me not to do anything, just keep it on me and forget the rest. Ha, it seems easy but BELIEVE ME, it sucks when you’re fighting inside.

And just for you to know, YOU BOY, listen to me.

UNLESS FOR NOW, I’M STILL FIGHTING TO GET YOU. UNTIL I GET THAT TIRED TO ACT LIKE A FOOL (AS I’M DOING RIGHT NOW) AND GIVE UP, I’LL KEEP FIGHTING. MAYBE I’M A GOOD FRIEND, BUT THAT’S DEFINITELY NOT HALF OF WHAT I WANNA BE.
—————-

April 27, 2009

“But I can’t stop now… I’ve got troubles of my own ’cause in short on time I’m lonely and I’m too tired to talk to no one […] the motion keeps my heart turning”

Based on the last posts, do I really need to say any about what’s happening? I’m just tired of people who blame me ’cause of the weather. They know how I feel and they know how I usually (over)react. So WHY do they need to implicate with every each thing I do?