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August 10, 2009

You Say Potato, I Say The Hell With It

Yes, this is sort of an anti-potato post. I hope hordes of angry spud-lovers don't declare war on the blog, linking to this post and sending thousands and thousands of new visitors to Cranky Fitness to write outraged comments and marvel at how stupid and hateful that Crabby McSlacker is. That would be just awful, like being thrown into a briar patch! Please, please don't throw Crabby into the briar patch.***

Actually, as it happens, I like potatoes. They’re great roasted, baked, french-fried, mashed, hash-browned, scalloped, and even totted.

I'm sorry, but that's just stupid. Potatoes aren’t vegetables.Okay, technically, in a botanical sense, I suppose they are. But then according to the botanists, tomatoes are fruits, and peanuts are beans. You can’t trust those crazy botanists.

When your mom or your doctor or the nutrition expert on your local news commands you to eat more fruits and vegetables (and the recommendations vary from 5 to 13 freakin' servings a day), it is my contention that they do not mean French fries.

Yet many Americans eat so few green things that they are trying to count those Tots and Fries and scoops of mashed potatoes as a serving of vegetables.

This is so wrong!

I took a random internet survey of nutrition experts (i.e., I googled) and asked the question: do potatoes count as vegetables for nutritional purposes? Occasionally I’d get a “qualified yes” but far more often it was no and no and no.

But I don’t even care what the experts say. As far as I’m concerned a “real” vegetable is low in calories and packed with tons of magical micronutrients. Real vegetables are things like broccoli, spinach or carrots. They may not taste as good as a potato, but they’re always getting in the news for preventing cancer or improving insulin resistance or shedding belly fat or giving you x-ray vision. (I may need to double-check that last one). I feel very smug after eating a “real” vegetable.

A potato, on the other hand, is what my mom used to call a “starch.” It’s cheap, filling, and takes up a lot of room on a plate. Starches were very handy back in the old days when we were all toiling in the fields and scrubbing the floors 16 hours a day and needed a cheap source of extra calories. But now? Extra calories are not exactly hard to come by.

And sure, a plain baked potato is a lot better for you than a plate of hot buttered biscuits. A potato has some healthy stuff in it, like potassium, iron, folic acid, vitamin C and fiber. If you eat it plain and skip the butter and sour cream (do you?), and make your sure you eat all the skin, a potato is even good for you. It’s just good for you like a healthy starch, not great for you like a real vegetable.

But since potatoes are so lovable, tasty, easy, and cheap, it’s nice to be able to make room for them on our plates. So here are 4 potato compromise options, when you’re looking to get a little more “real” vegetable credit from the spud side of the plate.

1. The cauliflower fake-out. Slip some cauliflower into your mashed potatoes. But not if you absolutely hate cauliflower, because then the switcheroo will just ruin your lovely potatoes and put you in a foul mood. But if you don’t totally detest cauliflower, throw some in the pot when you’re boiling your spuds and mash ‘em right in there. The flavors blend nicely and cauliflower is an awesome anti-cancer cruciferous vegetable.

2. The sweet potato swap. I always think it’s weird that even though sweet potatoes are sweet, they’re way more nutritious than regular ones. Usually the sweet version of foods is the low road, but in this case it’s the high road! Slice 'em into fries, coat with a bit of olive oil, and bake 'em into fries. They're nutritious so you don't have to feel guilty.

3. The purple potato ploy. These can be hard to find, but if your supermarket carries purple or blue potatoes, give ‘em a try. If you can get past the color, they taste pretty much like regular potatoes, only they have anthocyanins—the virtuous antioxidants that are in other blue or purple foods like blueberries and grapes.

4. The broccoli and cheese manuever. Add broccoli and cheese to your baked potato. Since I see this combo all the time at mall food courts (of all places) I’m thinking a lot of people who wouldn’t otherwise eat broccoli don’t mind it so much when it’s mixed with potato and cheddar and butter. Actually, you could probably serve most people ball point pens with potato and cheese and butter and they'd eat them happily. But broccoli is way more nutritious.

So, are you folks big potato fans or eat them rarely? Any other good ideas on how to pump up their nutritional profile?

***And hey, fellow boomers, some advice please: Are we even allowed to mention briar patches anymore? Do young folks know what we're talking about or is the whole folktale out of bounds now because of the stupid racists?

LOVE your tips at the end... and love the purple/blue tots too BUT I go for sweet potatoes. I hardly ever have regular ones anymore. AND, I am with you, when I think of veggies, I thin of the green stuff, cauliflower & the like.. potatoes are more a starch to me too.

I know what a briar patch is but I guess I am lost by why it is racist.. I got left out somewhere!!!

"...those crazy botanists." I married one. You have the gift of understatement, Crabby.

Potatoes. Love 'em. Yeah, they're starch, but so what? Kept the Irish alive. I quite enjoy sweet potato oven fries, but with regular potato oven fries in the mix.I suspect there's a whole whack of folk out there who eat a bag of potato chips and consider it a serving of vegetables.

I have a whole rant in my pocket about fruits/vegetables/starches/what the heck does corn count as?? but that aside.

Ok, so I'm unamerican. I don't hate potatoes, but neither do I particularly get enthused about them. I actually do not LIKE french fries. (the really annoying thing about fries is that even NOT liking the dang things, I end up eating them if they're sitting in front of me. How weird is that???)

I love sweet potatoes. But my favorite vegetables are tomatoes and zucchini. I'm also a big fan of lima beans, spinach, edamame, broccoli, onions, mushrooms, asparagus... I could go on for a while, but I'm just weird. ;-)

I toss the regular kind in a small amount of olive oil (and a little salt) and bake them. Yummy. Of course leaving the skins on. It's the only type of potato I do these days. Not a fan of baked, smashed, etc. OH, regular french fries are good...so are tater tots, but I've (mostly) given them up.

I just can't do the sweet potato thing...except with butter and a little bit of cinnamon...does that count given the butter? Proabaly not :(

Yes, the whole idea of being served corn or potatoes as a "vegetable" has been driving me batty. I don't eschew either one entirely, but I treat them as starches.

I, too, am on the sweet potato bandwagon. The best thing about sweet potatoes (aside from the fact that they're insanely nutritious) is that if you've baked it just right, it stands beautifully on its own and doesn't need to be tarted up with butter, sugar, etc. White potatoes, they need some jazzing up, which just amps the calorie, fat, etc., content when you eat them. (That said, I usually make honey-roasted sweet potatoes at home—chop the potatoes and toss with a few tablespoons each honey and olive oil.)

When I fix potatoes at home, I usually roast up the baby red potatoes—dice 'em up with onion, spray with garlic-infused olive oil, and toss with thyme, salt, and pepper. Once had a very yummy breakfast where I had some leftover roasted baby potatoes and leftover steamed asparagus, and I poached a couple of eggs and dumped them over the whole mess.

I simply feel gross if I eat a meal that doesn't include a real vegetable. Even V8 juice will do in a pinch (sure, it's super-salty, but it has loads of vitamins and even real fiber, since it's actually more of a veggie smoothie and not "juice" pe se).

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Potatoes don't count as veggies!!! I wish we could get the rest of the US to understand that. And you know what? I love fries, but I would love a choice of a real veggie to go with my burger when I am eating out. Why are fries the only option??

Not really a big fan of potatoes - not that I actively dislike them, just that there are lots of other things that I like more. So we don't have them all that often. Though I do like them cooked on the BBQ in a foil packet with onions, butter and cayenne pepper). Not a fan of mashed potatoes at all. Boring.

I'm iffy on sweet potatoes. I'll eat them in something, like a curry. Or roasted as long as they are cooked to the point of almost being burnt. Otherwise they taste too much like carrots for me. Cooked carrots = yucky and I don't care how good they are for me.

Since I don't like potatoes without a lot of butter and salt, I tend to eat sweet potatoes instead. I do put the purple ones in soups and curries, but I think that all potatoes are more starch than vegetable. Like corn on the cob. I think it's plenty scary that fries and ketchup are the main vegetables in many peoples lives.

Potatoes are technically vegetables according to botanists, but you have to remember that they aren't in the vegetable section of the nutrition chart, just like legumes are in the protein section. Two classifications for two different purposes.

Potatoes aren't really high in calories if they're baked and eaten in a proper serving size, and they're a good source of potassium, something a lot of us are missing in our diets.

They ARE starches, however, and should be eaten in moderation, but most of what gives potatoes a bad name is our propensity for frying them or topping them with cheese, bacon, and/or sour cream.

A plain large baked potato (4.5 in) has 7.5 grams of protein, 26% of your RDA of dietary fiber, 18% of your RDA of iron and 48% of your RDA of vitamin C, at 278 calories. You can get almost half of your RDA of potassium from a large baked potato.

I am so with you. It drives me crazy that the school board counts potatoes as vegis in school lunches. NO wonder we're the fattest country in the world.I do enjoy a good ol' potato every now and then, but give a me a sweet potato w/ cinnamon and just a tiny bit of butter. Mmmmm. Works every time.

I loooooooove purples. I do not love having to bribe someone to schlep me all the way to the other side of Houston to get them. And for me, the color is an additional selling point, not something to get past.

Crazy-colored food that comes out of the ground like that = awesomeness.

If purples are out of reach, a baked spud covered in broccoli-cheese soup is fine too.

Taters are not veggies. They are, indeed, as starch - and once I figured that out, I rarely eat them unless I'm out and it's the lesser of the evil choices for sides (which here in Texas come standard as corn, creamed corn, broccoli/rice casserole - you get the picture).

I saw Song of the South at a drive in when I was a kid...now I'd kinda like to see the movie again to know what it was about, because I don't remember much beyond my mom packing a huge Tupperware container filled with homemade buttery, salted popcorn...even back then, food was very important to me!

Tomatoes are fruit. Specifically, they are simple berries, like grapes.

I <3 potatoes. I don't count them as a fruit/vegetable, but as a starch.

The Uncle Remus stories are not considered PC, but my kids have a picture book that retells a couple of them (I know the tarbaby story is one, and it's just called a "sticky boy"). They aren't completely lost.

If briar patches are out...someone needs to inform my property. I've got a big ol' patch I found while out hunting raspberries the other day. You're welcome to it.

Mmmm. French fries. Baked potatoes. Mashed potatoes. Damn Crabby. Now I need lunch. And I'm sure they'll be featuring at least one of those...

But summer around here is ubiquitous with sweet 'tater fries. Make 'em in the oven, make 'em on the grill, I serve 'em with just about anything. The one thing I can't tolerate? The abomination that is the marshmallow concoction served at so many Thanksgiving dinners. Blech.

I like potatoes, but rarely eat them. Not for any health reasons - frankly, I figure if it grew out of the ground, it's fine to eat (although I have issues with the potatoes that are the size of a small child), as long as you don't OD on it (I'm looking at you, corn). (BTW: tomatoes are fruits, and technically corn is a grain, not a vegetable.)

Oh, man, Song of the South. THAT'LL never see the light of day again (although the original copy is preserved in the Disney Archives).

Another good "swap" for mashed taters is mashed parsnips. I just discovered it recently and YUM! I just peeled, cut and steam the parsnips in the microwave and then toss it in my Magic Bullet with a tiny bit of chicken broth and garlic. I couldn't believe how good it was. And not like, "hey, this is ok, but it's not mashed potatoes" but "I think I might prefer this to one of my heretofore favorite foods EVER"!

OK, so I am generally anti-potato. It just screams "High Glycemic Index" to me, and not in a good way, like Heath Bars scream to me.

But there are exceptions. Potato-Leek Soup? Yummy; bring it on. Potatoes with broccoli and cheese? Even with fake salty-cheese-esque popcorn seasoning? Yes and yes. Redskin potatoes with olive oil and a bit of butter with fresh rosemary? Drool.

Given my druthers, however, I will have a sweet potato every time. Or some acorn squash. Or even butternut. Perhaps a baby pumpkin, baked with butter and brown sugar. They taste better, they smell better, they are more nutritious, and my friends think i'm an interesting "foodie" type when I serve them, so I get snob appeal to boot.

And I don't think the ref to the Briar Patch is racist, per se. But it does remind people about Uncle Remus and the Song of the South, which are pretty much a celebration of racism, IMO. As always, YMMV.

Unbelievable that we try to justify eating potatoes by calling them vegetables. It's like... a cantaloupe is a squash but is considered a fruit and a yellow squash is considered a veggie.

Right now, because I working on being gluten-free, I'm using potatoes as not only filler, but in place of bread. So... like today for lunch, I had french fries with grated cheese and bacon with ranch dressing. And a bowl of fruit. And a scrambled egg. But still, it was the main portion of my meal because it's hard to find gluten-free foods in a restaurant.

You are sooo funny!! I laughed out loud. You are so sarcastic. But you are right. How many child care workers count potatoes like a side of tator tots a vegetable?love this funny post. I also liked your ideas to spice things up. Actually sweet potatoes are a prized carbohydrate for body builders, even more so than potatoes. The nice thing about potatoes is that of all of your possible carbs of choice, they contain the least amount of calories per ounce at 22 calories an ounce when compared to whole wheat bread, brown rice and other types of good carbs.

a friend of mine in middle school had a bootlegged copy of "song of the south" on vhs from japan. i borrowed it and loved it. i saw it in the theaters once back in the early 90s when it had a super limited release of like a week.

copies are still to be found on ebay ... but super expensive and not for our region of dvd/vhs players. boo.

as for potatoes, i <3 them but do NOT consider them a vegetable. i don't mind sweet potatoes, but brandon hates them so we stick to the regular guys for the most part.

Those crazy botantists would actually tell you there's no such things as a vegetable- brown potatoes are technically tubers and the rest (sweet, red, peruvian purples) are all modified root systems. I like potatoes an average amount, but ocassionally get scared of carbs (when I read too much of Mark Sisson) but I'm still going to stick up for them. They've got fiber, folate, potassium, all sorts of good stuff. No, they aren't the low-calorie nutritional powerhouse that a lot of vegetables (I mean, fruits, stalks, leaves, seeds, and roots) are, but for a starch with dinner you could do a lot worse than a baked potato.

I should NOT read these comments after coming home hungry from work. Now I'm STARVING! So many tempting potato alternatives!

And as usual, you guys totally have me laughing!

And I've never actually seen Song of the South--just always heard the story as a little kid of Bre'r rabbit pleading with the mean fox not to be thrown in the briar patch, which is exactly where the Bre'r rabbit really wanted to be.

Hey, literary types, is there a more current analogy one can use for that situation?

I've actually been around discussions about this very thing and I'm amazed at how voices can raise over this topic. I see what you're saying though. It's like those people who feel like they can eat ANYTHING they want as long as they have a salad with it.

Red potatoes are also better than their brown counterparts, and you can find cute little red ones that are easier to portion control. Other things to add to mashed potatoes include turnips, rutabaga, and parsnips.

Never met a potato I didn't love, love, love. My stock started up in Northern Europe, so I blame the ancestors. I've been known to have three kinds of 'taters on the Thanksgiving table.

That said, I rarely eat them outside of special occasions, due to the starch thing. Good trick though: use pico de gallo (or other salsa, in a pinch) as your slather of choice on a baker and you get the good side of the spud and a veggie boost as well. Yum. I often use pico de gallo instead of salad dressing, too. Yay low-cal tastiness.

Oh, and love those little purple guys, too. I had a garden in my last home ("I had a farm in Africa, at the foot of the Ingong hills..."), and I planted heirloom taters. My faves were the All-Blues and the Rose Finn Apples. I'd pluck them out at thumb size and roast them in salt.

Oh, and I spent my earliest years in Louisiana, so I know all about the Brier Patch. Since I'm white and can do the whole thing from memory in full dialect, I am surely going to hell. (Wait a minute, where did this handbasket come from?)

I am seriously going to have to take notes or bookmark this post or something because of all these great potato ideas!

And Essbee, many of my relatives on my mother's side hail from Louisiana--perhaps that's why I got the whole briar patch thing growing up. (Also, I was the only kid in my California neighborhood had a couple storybooks about "Clovis Crawfish and his friends.") So maybe you can make room in that handbasket for me, too!

Gee whiz...I had not thought of the briar patch in a least a few weeks. I think people still read books, right? Did they remove the briar patch books? Banned books?

Speaking of books, if you read The Botany of Desire, Pollan spends a lot of the book discussing the potato. At one time, McDonalds was serving potatoes created by Monsanto that weren't vegetables, or starches. They were considered a pesticide.

I don't eat them very often, but when I do, it is the healthy version...not fried. I will choose potatoes before bread if I have that option. Suprisingly, one of my favortie websites, World's Healthiest Foods (whfoods.org), has potatoes on the healthy vegetable list. But I do agree with you, most of us don't need too many of them! And we need a lot more leafy greens and "real" vegetables. :-)

combin chili,ginger, cumin and mustard in a small bowl. pour enough oil to cover the botom of the pan(i use a 5 qt dutch oven).heat, then add the bowl of spices. when mustard seeds pop, add potatoes and cauliflower, and stir fry, til they brown a bit.then add the rest of the ingredients. stir well, cover, and cook on low, stirring occasionally til the veggies are tender.

I only use them occasionally in soups or vegetarian dishes - mashed potatoes make a great topping for a veggie bake. Or once in a while I'd cut them up and dry roast them to add to my salad - it goes particularly well with a creamy dressing.

Crabby, I just have to ask, is the title of this post drawing on an ANCIENT New Yorker cartoon, tag line "I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it!"brought back some childhood memories of the New Yorker cartoon book that made me laugh out loud.

And for the record, love me some 'taters, but yep they are a starch & they're nutritionally subversive without a doubt.