The toughest part of the Thanksgiving week of NFL action for us fantasy football addicts has to be the three days off between games. Sure, we have Thursday games every week, but that typically means that we have one or maybe two guys playing at most. When you have six of the NFL’s best teams playing on Thanksgiving, though, you’re talking half of an entire fantasy roster in some cases. That means if your players have bad games, you’re stuck staring at those piss poor stats for the next several days and wondering what the hell went wrong.

Even worse, you’re left breaking down the stats and scenarios for what you still need to win, and that blows, because your opponent probably still has seven or eight players left against you, and by Sunday morning you’re curled up in a ball next to your toilet, mumbling, “Please don’t kill me, Doug Martin… oh God, please don’t kill me.” And then, of course, he f*cking kills you.

Once again, pull up your chair, because we have plenty of fantasy football issues to work out in this week’s group therapy.

We can argue Cam Newton here like we argued RG3 last week, but Newton is supposed to be playing lights out. Especially when he’s playing a team that just quit in the middle of the season like a fat kid who is somehow told to play second base. I’d personally like to thank Matt Stafford for showing up this late into the season when he’s already helped sink my team. It’s really a nice consolation prize.

Foster has 1,064 yards and 12 TD, which is on pace for what we’d expect from the No. 1 overall pick. Meanwhile, Martin has 1,050 yards and 9 TD, which is a phenomenal for a guy who was probably drafted anywhere between the 5th and 10th rounds, depending on your league’s scoring and how smart your friends are. I’d still call Ridley the biggest surprise out of this year’s top RBs because Bill Belichick is worse than Mike Shanahan with his RBs.

I absolutely hate fantasy football hindsight, and we should be able to Baker Act people for going back and looking at their draft results to determine which guys they should have actually drafted with which picks. That crop of receivers above features guys we expected to be awesome every week. So why the hell has Cecil Shorts been more valuable to me than Jones and Bryant?

Kaepernick shouldn’t have been too big of a surprise against the Saints defense, and with a little consistency, Wilson will soon be in the “Expected” group. As for the guy who I expect to hear the most horror stories about, that would be Eagles RB Bryce Brown, who had 115 yards and a TD at halftime last night, and if he didn’t have two fumbles, he’d have had 30 points in his debut.

My fantasy ball-kicker was Carson Palmer, whose craptacular performance against his former team probably sent me packing from the playoffs in one league. Real men step up against the teams they shit all over. Instead, the Bengals were the men and you can find Palmer back on my waiver wire tomorrow.

I managed to survive against a team with Dez Bryant, Doug Martin, and Pittsburgh (and an average Matt Ryan) through Monday morning, maintaining a 113-111 point. Guess what killed me Monday Night? John Stewart and his 3 points.

I think I would have felt better had Stewart gotten his full 10, instead I was *this close*.

I’m a huge fan of Cam Newton this morning cause he helped sink the guy in our league who has the second-least points (it should also be noted that the guy with the least points quit setting his lineup six weeks ago) yet is still in playoff contention.

I’ve been waiting for this all damn day. Went into Monday night up 111.24 to 74.2. Other team had Cam Newton. Lost 111.24 to 111.64, dropping my unlucky ass team to 6-6, in danger of missing the playoffs, even with the most points in the league. I hate fantasy football and Cam Newton.

Can’t complain this week, had a great Thurs with Dez, Alfred, and Brady and won handily even with Leshoure and Shorts on my bench making me look stupid. Gonna put them in this week so I’ll probably be bitching and whining in our next installment of FFSG.

I lost matt forte, and Fitzgerald and Graham may as well have stayed home and I was STILL up by 16 going into monday night against Bryce Brown. 100 yards and a td to beat me? Not a chance in hell I thought. By halftime I was compulsively drinking an empty beer bottle and wondering why I ever thought I deserved first place in the league.

My bench outscored my starters 102 to 69. I lost 109 to 69 because Rodgers had a bad game and ESPN said Julio was iffy to start. Fucking Miles Austin and Vernon Davis too. What the hell did Vernon do to Jim Harbaugh?