I'm a woman who has schizophrenia. In this blog I discuss my struggles with my job and finishing my B.A. in Creative Writing. I work for a mental health consumer-driven, consumer run self-help organization.

April 18, 2005

Fiction Class is fun

I started a fiction class at UCLA and it seems like it will be very helpful. The teacher has a formula for writing and expects at least 5 pages per week for the next nine weeks. Maybe I can write a novel after all. In the Fall I will return to Cal State Northridge. I have 24 more units. I can take 3 classes at a time.

I will have a Laparoscopy soon. They put a camera in your stomach through an incision. I hope that I am not disabled by that because I really want to finish this class. I will get more pain pills tomorrow.

This past weekend I went to the beach and to a concert at a museum. I saw an East Indian ensemble and an Afro-Cuban ensemble. They both played drums with their hands. I really loved it. Last week I saw a movie called Look at Me. It was good.

On the whole I feel uplifted from the ever increasing dosage of Lamictal. I'm off of the Lithium now. Thank God for that. The Dr. said I wasn't supposed to taper off so quickly; but I misunderstood him. Anyhow it turned out well. I asked the Dr. if I could go back on Geodon and he said I could combine Abilify with it. Since starting Abilify one and a half years ago I have gained about 35 pounds.

This week I will maybe see a movie, write a story, go to class, and celebrate Passover with a friend. My friend asked me to help her file papers for her divorce; so we will go to the government center this week. My Mom's upset with because she thinks I am being lazy.
That really makes me sad and angry and I feel like avoiding her. I mean who wants to be a disappointment. I think she is ashamed of me.

My birthday is coming on the 29th. I will be 36. I am going to a play with my Mom called Electricidad. It is an adaptation of Electra that takes place in East Los Angeles. A friend is taking me to lunch on my birthday. A bipolar group I attend is having a birthday potluck this Thursday. I like to make Tamale Pie. I become more alive at this time of year when there is more sunlight and you can be outdoors more often.

I have some new poetry. One is kind of funny and the other a little sad.

My dark slippery lines of comedy
about the transiency of life
hang in my memory because
once again,I think
"there before the grace of God go I."
Her face hilly and brown
like the Arizona desert
her thinking disorganized
talking about what a great shot she was
and how she could have shot her landlord
when the lady disappeared her eight cats.
Now all of her belongings
belong in a garbage bag
the rest she was forced to leave behind
because the bus came
and it was time to go.

Comments

Hello,
My name is Holly Auer, and I'm a health journalist in Charleston, South Carolina. I cover medicine full-time for the Post & Courier, but I also do a lot of freelance work for magazines. I was hoping you might be interested in helping me out with an article I'm working on for Glamour. Our hope is that I can find a woman who is coping with schizophrenia to profile, as a way to debunk sterotypes about the illness and also as a call to raise public awareness for the disease and for research on mental illness in general. Most media coverage of schizophrenia tends to focus on men, particularly the homeless or criminals, which is a shame. I know there's other stories out there that need to be told -- about women coping and living their lives in spite of it all, and about how the struggles of mental illness play themselves out in relation to your work and your family and friends. I read your blog and saw that you're working on your degree in creative writing, which is a perfect thing for a profile subject... if we can find a woman who is really eloquent about her life, so much the better! At this point I'm just casting around looking for potential sources to take to my editor, and then we'll go from there. If you're interested in talking with me, I'd love to hear a little bit more about your story. I can be reached at hollyauer(at)yahoo.com. Thanks very much!