Here's a headline from a recent edition of The Las Vegas Review-Journal, the paper of record for America's Bedouin community (I can't imagine any other people living in that desert): "Chilean wine great match for king crab legs."

The wine was Veramonte Sauvignon Blanc, an inexpensive Chilean wine that seldom rates headlines, even though it is perfectly pleasant. I have no argument with either the choice of wine or the author's decision to craft seven paragraphs on the oenological glories of this under-$10 beverage, even though his enthusiasm was a little out of control. For example, he described the wine as having a "…clean, clear core, going out into a faint almost glass-clear meniscus…" I'm a squeamish guy. Once wine writers start that meniscus talk, they're going too deep into a wine's personal life for a prude like me.

What annoyed me wasn't the overwrought wine talk. It was the writer's pronouncement that the wine was "…the ideal match for king crab legs."

Let's assume for a moment that the Mojave Desert supports a thriving colony of king crabs, and that it's a regional product in abundant supply. Even with that, the reference is nutty, as is almost all writing about food-and-wine pairings. I offer some advice: Pay no attention. I'm sure Veramonte Sauvignon Blanc does go well with crab legs, but so will almost any dry, crisp, unwooded white. If you ignore all writing about matching food and wine, your life will improve. It's nonsensical culinary trivia.

Some wines have traditionally matched up with certain foods. For historical reasons, it makes sense to pay attention to them. I don't mind reading that Sauvignon Blanc (like that Veramonte) goes well with goat cheese or sweet Bordeaux with terrine of foie gras. What I can't abide, primarily because it uselessly complicates a simple pleasure, is the idea that every food must be technically matched with a certain wine.

Here's a straightforward set of rules for pairing wine with food. It will work 99 percent of the time. (1) Taste the food. (2) Immediately taste the wine. (3) If the wine still tastes good, you've succeeded.

Life Can Get Simpler

Here's a headline from a recent edition of The Las Vegas Review-Journal, the paper of record for America's Bedouin community (I can't imagine any other people living in that desert): "Chilean wine great match for king crab legs."

The wine was Veramonte Sauvignon Blanc, an inexpensive Chilean wine that seldom rates headlines, even though it is perfectly pleasant. I have no argument with either the choice of wine or the author's decision to craft seven paragraphs on the oenological glories of this under-$10 beverage, even though his enthusiasm was a little out of control. For example, he described the wine as having a "…clean, clear core, going out into a faint almost glass-clear meniscus…" I'm a squeamish guy. Once wine writers start that meniscus talk, they're going too deep into a wine's personal life for a prude like me.

What annoyed me wasn't the overwrought wine talk. It was the writer's pronouncement that the wine was "…the ideal match for king crab legs."

Let's assume for a moment that the Mojave Desert supports a thriving colony of king crabs, and that it's a regional product in abundant supply. Even with that, the reference is nutty, as is almost all writing about food-and-wine pairings. I offer some advice: Pay no attention. I'm sure Veramonte Sauvignon Blanc does go well with crab legs, but so will almost any dry, crisp, unwooded white. If you ignore all writing about matching food and wine, your life will improve. It's nonsensical culinary trivia.

Some wines have traditionally matched up with certain foods. For historical reasons, it makes sense to pay attention to them. I don't mind reading that Sauvignon Blanc (like that Veramonte) goes well with goat cheese or sweet Bordeaux with terrine of foie gras. What I can't abide, primarily because it uselessly complicates a simple pleasure, is the idea that every food must be technically matched with a certain wine.

Here's a straightforward set of rules for pairing wine with food. It will work 99 percent of the time. (1) Taste the food. (2) Immediately taste the wine. (3) If the wine still tastes good, you've succeeded.