NBC pretty sure you lack the willpower to avoid its Million Second Quiz

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, September 9. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICKMillion Second Quiz (NBC, 8 p.m.): God, America! You keep on watching TV in ways other than sitting down in front of the TV every week for the new episode of your favorite show, which you watch live, in breathless anticipation of whatever, unless you just forget to watch. You know what you need? You need a live TV event, because that’s the sort of thing that will get you back into network TV again—and more specifically into NBC again. What would you say to a Million Second Quiz? Yes? No? NBC doesn’t care. This quiz is going to last one million fucking seconds, and you are going to like it.

REGULAR COVERAGEAdventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.): Finn travels back in time to retrieve a sandwich, because why not? Do you have a better reason for someone to travel back in time? “But What’s On Tonight!” you say. “He could go back to before the Mushroom War!” Oliver Sava is shaking his head at you now.

Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.): Benson’s car has a broken window that needs fixin’, so the guys launch into that as their new quest. Alasdair Wilkins can tell you wacky stories about all the times he’s fixed a car window or two, but… aw, shucks. You kids don’t want to stick around to hear about that.

Under The Dome (CBS, 10 p.m.): In just a few weeks, it’s going to seem so strange to everyone that one of the bigger shows of the summer was a series that used the words “the Dome” endlessly and attempted to mostly play it straight. No, really. This happened. Scott Von Doviak can attest to it.

TV CLUB CLASSICJustice League (1 p.m.): Hawkgirl helps the gang to deal with a college necromancy project gone horribly awry. Oliver Sava wishes he had known to call the Justice League after his college necromancy project went horribly awry, but hey, c’est la vie. Did we copy this from last week’s article? Yes. Yes we did.

WHAT ELSE IS ONExploding Sun (Reelz, 8 p.m.): We’re refusing to look this one up, in hopes that it’s about an actual exploding sun. Which, of course it will be. What else would you call a movie about an exploding sun? Low Winter Sun? Don’t answer that. We stopped watching that show. We’d hate to be spoiled.

Mistresses(ABC, 9 p.m.): ABC’s would-be summer soap sensation ends its first—and only?—season with more sassy sexiness or whatever this show was supposed to be peddling. We’ll be honest here: We never checked this one out, and if you told us it was the best show on TV, we wouldn’t bat an eye.

Supermassive Black Holes (Science, 9 p.m.): Science Channel is running a whole evening of programs about black holes, and the centerpiece is this hourlong special about what happens when black holes stop being massive and start getting supermassive. It’s Supermassive Black Holes: Des Moines.

Siberia(NBC, 10 p.m.): This reality show-aping sci-fi/horror mélange has quietly become the best dumb show of the summer. Yes, there’s lots of idiotic stuff floating around the series, but it’s got the courage of its dumbass convictions, which is more than one can say about Under The Dome. Watch it right now!

The Three Ages (TCM, 8:30 p.m.): Enhance your life by taking in some Buster Keaton tonight, so when your friends are telling you how they just love Charlie Chaplin, you can sniff haughtily and say, “Oh, Chaplin’s fine, but have you seen Buster Keaton’s work?” But really, you should check out both of them.

V/H/S(Showtime 2, 9 p.m.): We haven’t seen this horror anthology film, but we’re intrigued enough by the concept—people stumble across a bunch of scary VHS tapes—that we’re willing to check it out, even if we’re rarely big fans of anthology films. We hope one tape isn’t that video of us on the Slip ‘n’ Slide.

Monday Night Football: Eagles at Redskins/Texans at Chargers (ESPN, 6:55 p.m.): The NFL concludes its triumphant return weekend with a doubleheader on ESPN. First up, the Eagles travel to Washington to face last year’s NFC East champs. Then, Houston heads over to San Diego, and we’re not sure we care.

IN CASE YOU MISSED ITLast Tango In Halifax(Sunday): This British import on PBS is one of the fall’s better new dramas. Now, that’s simply because it’s a lousy fall for drama, but this is also a sweet and charming show in its own right, and Sonia Saraiya has all the thoughts on old people falling in love and doin’ it and ewwww.