Friday, October 02, 2009

The Elves and the Bread-Maker

Betty and I were going through a box containing some of my old high school memorabilia, and we came across a board book that I made in my sophomore or junior year as part of a group project. I liked it so much that I want to share it with all of you. It goes a little something like this:

Once upon a time there lived an old bread-maker and his wife. They lived in an apartment above their bread store. They were poor, and business had been slow. They saved up just enough money to buy the latest state-of-the-art bread machine, and they had ordered it through the mail. But on arrival of the bread machine, the old bread-maker realized how much the world had advanced around them. He couldn't figure out how to work the bread machine!

One day the old bread-maker was on the phone with the manager from the store that he had ordered his machine from.

"No, no, no!" he shouted into the phone. "I don't know how to use it. Well take it back! Oh, yes I'll get my money back! Fine, I'll keep it!" And with that he slammed the phone down.

One night as the bread-maker and his wife were preparing for bed, he remembered that he had left the bread machine on and a lot of dough out. When he told his wife this, she told him to shush up and go to bed, and that everything would still be there in the morning. Being the frightened husband that he was, he hopped right into bed and apologized to his wife for disturbing her.

While they slept, a few miniature elves wanted to do something amazing to show the bigger elves that they knew what was up. They crept into the bread-maker's house and saw the bread machine and the dough. They huddled together and made a plan, then broke up and got to work making bread.

"Wow! They have a Premo Ultimo Z-8000 Bread Machine! It's the top of the line!" one of the little elves shouted. And with that he jumped up to grab one of the levers, and the machine started to buzz with life.

The next day the old bread-maker woke up in a great mood. He strode out to make himself some coffee, when all of a sudden he saw the bread. It was stacked on the counter in huge piles. Some were shiny, some were dark, some were different flavors from the rest, and some were flavors that he didn't even know existed! They all smelled terrific, and the bread-maker quickly packaged the bread to contain its freshness.

When the store opened, samples were being laid out for the customers. The few who came in at first tried them, then bought whole loaves for their families. Word was passed around that the old bread-maker had delicious bread, and soon the store was filled with customers. A man with a yellow hat came in and had a sample, then went to introduce himself to the bread-maker. He said that he could make the bread-maker famous, but since he was only a park ranger, the bread-maker had to decline.

Needless to say that the laws of supply and demand took its course. The bread-maker quadrupled his prices and sold his supply of bread. He incorporated his business and sold stock, and the money he gained was used for expansion. He and his wife bought a condo in Florida and continued to mass produce bread by hiring hundreds of people to work for him. His chain of bread stores became the most famous bakery chain in the country, and he was declared "Most Loved Person" by the president.

As for the elves, they grew up in dysfunctional households full of bigger and mightier elves who teased them and gave them wedgies. They never broke out of prison, since that is where they all wound up, and were never heard of again.