Kylee B., 12th grade

The London Look (Satire)

Between the viewings
of your favorite Television programs, you’ve come across a commercial or two;
some announcer raving about the release of the newest highly acclaimed film,
the most recent innovation in the world of Tupperware, or the heart breaking ASPCA
commercials. But the one that grips me the most is the commercial that brings
me face-to-face with a tall, gaunt, fair-skinned girl with a thick British
accent telling me to “get the London look”. Now I don’t know about you, but I
would kill for this “London look” if
it meant looking like her! I don’t know if it’s the teased hair resembling a
rat’s nest, or the fishnet top that looks as if it would be of more use on a
fishing boat. Or perhaps it’s the colossal gap between her two front teeth
combined with the undernourished mien that completes the look. Now the only
question left is how does one acquire this iconic “London look”? Thankfully, the process required to obtain
this desired look can be completed in just four easy steps. First, one must
dedicate an hour a day of intense stretching to increase height; a height of no
shorter than six feet will be acceptable. Next, in order to obtain the
seemingly popular porcelain complexion, one must stay indoors at all times. Forget about that Vitamin D
that doctors say you need in order to live; pale skin is what’s beautiful! Now
this next step is known to cause just minor
pain whilst creating the glamorous gap between your teeth; first, you will
need a flathead screwdriver and hammer, then you will place the screwdriver
betwixt your front teeth, and then forcefully tap the hammer at the end of the
screwdriver until your teeth are separated. Easy, breezy, beautiful! Lastly,
and most importantly, one must stop eating. Sure, you will hear your stomach constantly
growling, begging for food, and you might experience waves of nausea and black
outs, but isn’t it worth it for society to consider you beautiful?! By following all of these steps, you will
immediately become worthy in the eyes of society, making you way more popular
and prettier than you ever were! Thank you “London look” for showing me how I’m
supposed to look!