It has come to our attention that the latest archeological find has recently been translated and what has come to be known as the Book of Community is available here exclusively:

Chapter 1

1. In the beginning was the word, and the word was Power.

2. For from Power come all the other words that are so essential–Money, Influence, Regulations, Contracts, and Manipulation.

3. So the Chosen One went out into the hinterland and spent much time observing the hicks and rednecks who live beyond the coasts, and he was sore afraid.

4. “How in the world are we going to get any progress in implementing a new society with these lame-brains running things?” He said. “We are going to need to come up with a new paradym”.

5. Now the Annointed One knew that going out and making problems for the Romans would just end up with him getting in big trouble, and there really was no way to scare people into doing what he wanted – so he knew that he would have to put together his knowledge and set it down for use in a future time when it would be possible to run this scam without getting crucified – literally.

6. Thus He gathered together his disciples and gave them the following instructions

Chapter 2

1. Most people are more interested in themselves and their families than anything else. Its one of those survival characteristics that has allowed people to continue existing – and we can turn some of these things in our favor.

2. Remember – the idea is Power. How do you get power? You can kill a bunch of people, but that might involve personal rish, and besides it gets blood on you.

3. You have to convince people to give it to you themselves. Willingly and freely.

4. First you need to cut out a part of the herd that you want to be “yours”. People divide themselves up naturally – there’s me, then there’s my group, then there’s everybody else. But you can actually take groups of people and get them to self-identify as a group base on the silliest kinds of things. The color of their skin, their language, where they live, what things they possess, the shape of their genitals, the way they want to have sex – there are just so many things you can use to get people to think of themselves as part of a group.

5. Once you have your group, you then need to educate them. First you should flatter them. These people need to be convinced that they are special, wonderful, the very embodiment of whatever characteristic it is that you are using to divide them. The best green-eyed people for example.

6. You then need to outline their grieveances. How they have been historically discriminated against. How they have been injured, stolen from, put down, disgraced. You must needs be careful in pushing things too far. Some of these people will go directly to violence and that has to be the last thing you want.

7. Which is not to say that violence is out of bounds, its just something that when it does happen can never be directly tied to you or your organization.

8. So now that you’ve got a bunch of people who feel entitled and discriminated against, its only normal that they will need someone to develop their demands and lead them in their fight for justice. You canst go about this one of two ways – either put yourself forward as a leader, or find an empty suit to be the vision of the movement while you control all the actual power.

9. Since I see a day when images of individuals will be able to be seen by almost any slob with a pulse, if you happen to be physically imperfect or fat disfigured or bald or in some other way less than fair – you have to find a sock puppet. Don’t fret – its the power you want, and if you need some fair-looking dupe to bring it to you it is all the same in the end.

Chapter 3

1. Now that you have your group and your position leading it, you have to start bringing in the drachmas. And I don’t mean those copper coins–although you never refuse anything and have to start low–but the gold and silver that contain within them the power you crave.

2. Your first and most obvious source of money is the community you have put together. Everybody has a little and you need to touch them for it a lot.

3. Also within your community you will have some who work harder or are smarter and have accumulated more money. These you need to tap very vigorously. Form “steering committees” and “community Leadership teams” and put the rich ones on there–as long as they give up the cisteres.

4. Also these committees and teams are good places to send those loudmouths who think THEY should be running things. It shall be as it has always been – committees decide nothing, but they do waste lots of time.

5. But with some working silver, you can now work the system really good. Your grievances should be shouted from the rooftops. The discrimination your group experiences shall always be the problem known by everyone else. And you need the Ceasar and his bunch to fix things for your group.

6. This is the big time – since we all know that the Ceasar is where the real gold resides. Once you can get on the good side of the ruler, you just keep pointing out how important the support of your group is to him – and how his help keeps the support on his side.

Chapter4

1. OK – now you have the money, what do you do with it? Do NOT start out by taking a bunch of it for yourself. Oh, you can go ahead and give yourself enough so that you are looked at as a respectable member of your grievance community – but don’t stick out as a sore thumb at the very top.

2. Remember the object is power, not money. Although money gives you a path to power, its going to cause problems if you don’t handle it right.

3. Your first priority should be to spread it around your grieance group. Some physical updates can take place, but you will get much more power for your silver by giving it directly to people in the community.

4. The wise man asks which people – and needs to think about it. You don’t want people who are too independant – they might start questioning you. You certainly don’t want people who are ambitious – they might go behind your back to Ceasar on their own. What you really need are those who will accept the money, do as little as they possibly can, but will talk a lot amoung the group to make sure you are praised for being such a wonderful organizer.

5. One thing you really need to pour silver into is schools. Of course, most of your group will have offspring who should never even think of educating as group stupidity is what moves the whole process forward. However, for those who do have the time and look like they might be candidates for inclusion, you absolutely MUST take care that the only thing they are taught are what supports the process. That they are part of the group, that they have and always will be repressed, that only through the actions of your organization through Ceasar will anything actually happen.

6. This effort will keep the vast majority of your group under your own control. You can preach freedom and hope as much as you want – but never make the mistake of actually going ahead and improving the conditions which make your group have a grievance. Otherwise what becomes of your power.

Here we are living in the world’s most prosperous country, surrounded by all the comforts, conveniences and security that money can provide. Yet no American political, intellectual or cultural leader ever says to young people, “Go out and make a bunch of money.”

2. Don’t be an idealist!

Idealists are also bullies. The idealist says, “I care more about the redwood trees than you do. I care so much I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. It broke up my marriage. And because I care more than you do, I’m a better person. And because I’m the better person, I have the right to boss you around.”

3. Get politically uninvolved!

All politics stink. Even democracy stinks. Imagine if our clothes were selected by the majority of shoppers, which would be teenage girls. I’d be standing here with my bellybutton exposed. Imagine deciding the dinner menu by family secret ballot. I’ve got three kids and three dogs in my family. We’d be eating Froot Loops and rotten meat.

4. Forget about fairness!

Life sends the message, “I’d better not be poor. I’d better get rich. I’d better make more money than other people.” Meanwhile, politics sends us the message, “Some people make more money than others. Some are rich while others are poor. We’d better close that ‘income disparity gap.’ It’s not fair!”

5. Be a religious extremist!

The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. Observe the Tenth Commandment. The first nine commandments concern theological principles and social law: Thou shalt not make graven images, steal, kill, et cetera. Fair enough. But then there’s the tenth: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor’s.”

Here are God’s basic rules about how we should live, a brief list of sacred obligations and solemn moral precepts. And, right at the end of it we read, “Don’t envy your buddy because he has an ox or a donkey.” Why did that make the top 10? Why would God, with just 10 things to tell Moses, include jealousy about livestock?

Well, think about how important this commandment is to a community, to a nation, to a democracy. If you want a mule, if you want a pot roast, if you want a cleaning lady, don’t whine about what the people across the street have. Get rich and get your own.

6. Don’t listen to your elders!

After all, if the old person standing up here actually knew anything worth telling, he’d be charging you for it.

Having been named ‘Person of the Year 2007‘ by an American magazine that invariably supports progressive candidates, soon-to-be Russian ex-President, Vladimir Putin, is now listening to political consultants advising him to start a vigorous campaign in Iowa and New Hampshire as the strongest candidate on the Democratic ticket in 2008.

Barbra Streisand: Vlad has definitely got more chutzpah than Hillary. I mean, she was my first choice, but if you put her next to Putin – who’s got a bigger ability to bring about change?
Oprah Winfrey:
I can’t believe it! Why didn’t Vlad tell me before I did that stupid show for Obama in Manchester?
Daily Kos: Now Putin is officially the most popular man in America – AND he is available!

“The Minimum Wage Tax Edict will simplify the tax system by making everyone a government employee, with automatic wage deductions for new glorious projects.

I take no joy in writing these words, but America’s attempts at imperialism are so half-hearted, so feeble, so stupefyingly inept, that we might as well hoist le Tricolore, print all our legal documents in French, and subjugate ourselves to our superiors in Paris.Maybe being forced under penalty of death to drink their lighter-fluid-flavored wines and laugh at Jerry Lewis movies will teach us how an empire is SUPPOSED to be run.

The venerable Archbishop of Canterbury has criticized America’s imperialism, saying that the United States wields its power in a way that is worse than Britain during its imperial heyday.

I find myself agreeing with him.

Britain TOTALLY kicked ass at imperialism! They had subject nations all around the globe. Back when England actually owned a set of bollocks, billions of primitive brown & yellow peoples learned to speak English, dress in suits, and drink tea instead of cow urine.Ok, so that last one wasn’t necessarily a step up, but I think I make my point. England RULED! They were naming entire races of people “Indians” and subjugating the crap out of them centuries before the first Kennedy crashed his Oldsmobile into Plymouth Rock.

How have we fallen so far? Our heritage is rooted deeply in the tyrannical stock of our jackbooted British ancestors, yet when Americans crusade across the ocean to liberate their little brown brothers… they actually liberate the PEOPLE! What incompetence! First you liberate their land, their cattle, their gold,… and a few of the comlier wenches (strictly for purposes of pleasure, mind you, not to actually – heaven forbid – breed with the filthy savages), THEN you start getting around to tossing out a bone or two of political liberty. IF they can prove their worth through prolonged armed resistance.Or dressing in diapers & letting themselves be clubbed into bloody pulp. Either one.

Yet what have we so-called “imperialist” Americans accomplished in Iraq? NOTHING! The Iraqis can vote! They can own property! They don’t even have to bow and avert their eyes when an American walks by! They don’t even have to bow and avert their eyes when an American walks by! Why, the arrogant sand-mongrels aren’t even possessed of sufficient decency or gratitude to make English their country’s official language – AND WE’RE NOT FORCING THE RAG-HEADS TO DO IT! That whirring sound you hear is Queen Victoria spinning in her grave at around the same speed as a NASCAR motor at redline.

IOWA – A day after Russian police beat up and arrested the opposition leader Garry Kasparov, the Bush Administration followed suit and ordered a beating and arrest of Hillary Clinton, Ushanka news agency reports. Former First Lady Hillary Clinton was picked up and sentenced to five days in prison on Sunday, during a campaign stop in Iowa that ended in clashes with police. One of Bush’s harshest critics, she was charged with organizing an unsanctioned procession, chanting pro-Big-Government slogans and resisting arrest, court documents said.

Third World leaders find Bush’s attack on America’s freedoms alarming.
Hillary’s coalition, which includes radicals, Democrats, and Nixon-era dissidents, has drawn wide media coverage but generated little public support. Its ranks have expanded, though, as more foreign dictators complain that officials have excluded them from freely contesting the upcoming U.S. elections.