Thursday, May 10, 2012

The Secret of Trustworthiness

Of all the states of character we
might crave, respect just about tops the list. Credibility is what we yearn
for, for in credibility we have safety and honour. Deeper beneath that further
still, with credibility, we have acceptance. Nothing can mean more to us than
the prize of social-acceptance. But self-acceptance must come first.

The way we establish credibility
and earn respect, just as persons, is we work on the traits of trustworthiness.

Know Thyself

The most important self-development
factor, which is also the most basic and the hardest to accomplish, without
doubt, is to know ourselves; everything, even the dark bits.

From self-knowledge, which
increases exponentially through life, in tandem with our experience, we have
the tenets and gifts of self-discovery. Truly, the moment lays open the keys to
insight and discernment. But if we do not know ourselves, and haven’t
courageously opened lines of communication with ourselves, we will not see or
hear the precious information that can be known.

Contingent on knowing ourselves,
of course, is knowledge of the Divine—to know God. For example, we cannot truly
accept ourselves and move on in self-knowledge without first coming to grips
with the mystery that is life. Knowing God is to know, at some level, a
mystery. The capacity to accept and bear mysteries is an important competency
in self-knowledge.

When we know ourselves, and we can
assess each of our performances impartially, we can adjust in the moment.
Becoming trustworthy is making adjustments to the beat of the drum of truth.

We must routinely align our
feeling and thinking and acting.

Aligning Feeling And Thinking And Acting

This is something never done
perfectly, but we can do it capably enough as we attend, with intention, each
of our moments. This is self-awareness and self-management, as well as
social-awareness and social-management. It is emotional intelligence in
operation.

It’s the capacity to know what we
feel, and either bear the feelings via inner strength or be totally transparent
about our feelings.

When feelings and thinking are
misaligned people sense we’re not being honest. They quickly, even
unconsciously, attribute us as untrustworthy. The only way we convince people
we’re trustworthy is if we’re transparent about our feelings or we have the
powers of nondisclosure—a thing requiring sound self-knowledge and
self-acceptance.

When we’re aware of our feelings,
and we can cater for them in truth, and feelings contribute toward our
thinking, and in unison, as a credible person, we act.

***

Trustworthy people in life have
aligned their feelings and thinking and acting. There are no visible secrets.
They are safe to be around. Being trustworthy is about self-alignment and
truth. It is the surest way to respect.