In virtually all cultures, when someone dies, it is customary for the family, friends and acquaintances of the deceased or the surviving loved one to express sympathy through words, visits and practical assistance. While the particulars of religious and cultural funeral traditions do vary, all mourners will appreciate the following courtesies, which recognize both the importance of the person who has died, and the fact that their daily life has changed forever. When the funeral service is over, the survivors often feel very alone, so keep in touch.

In this section of the website, I've also included some information on the specific funeral traditions of two cultures we have the honour of serving on a regular basis. If you are not familiar with specific Portuguese and Ukrainian funeral traditions, I hope this information will make you feel more comfortable as you support your friends at this sad time.

A visitation is a gathering at the funeral home that takes place a day or two before the
funeral. Friends and acquaintances come to pay their respects to the family. Upon entering the visitation room, you should approach the family and express your sympathy. It is appropriate to relate your memories of the deceased and to listen to their memories or expressions of grief. If you were only acquainted with the deceased and not the family, you should introduce yourself.

There is no “right” length of time to stay probably somewhere between 10 and 30 minutes is typical. After visiting with the family and viewing the deceased, you can visit with others you know. Normally, there is a register for visitors to sign. If there are prayer cards, you are welcome to take one.

A funeral is the official service to mark the end of the deceased’s life. The service is generally religious in nature and the deseased is present, in either a closed or open casket, depending on the tradition. If you're not sure what to do, follow the rest of the guests. There may be a printed outline of the order of the service, and the words for prayers or hymns.

Anyone who wants to attend the funeral can do so. Death notice notices are often put in the paper, specifying the funeral location. A “private funeral,” on the other hand, is by invitation only, generally with just immediate family members present.

Depending on the tradition, refreshments may follow the service, either at the funeral home, a private home or a restaurant.

In times passed, funeral guests always wore black, to signify mourning. Today, it is generally acceptable to wear dark clothing in conservative styles in order to show dignity and respect for the family and the occasion.

Funeral procession: in most funerals, guests drive from one venue to another. Depending on the specific tradition, they could process from the funeral home, to the church, to the cemetery. Cardinal’s staff will hand out maps and directions and put a funeral sign on the hood of your car. In a funeral procession, you should turn on your headlights and stay as close as is safely possible to the vehicle in front of you.

If there is no police escort for the procession, do not proceed into the intersection on a red light. Even if a police officer is controlling the intersection, please make sure the traffic has stopped or is slowing down to allow the procession to continue.

A memorial service or celebration of life takes place after the deceased has been interred or
cremated. It will probably feature eulogies (speeches) about the loved one by a close friend or family member. Refreshments may be included.

A condolence visit is a visit you pay to the home of the bereaving family, sometime in
the first few weeks after a death. The intention is to provide emotional support
and practical assistance with the tasks of daily life, which might still feel overwhelming. It is considerate to bring a meal you have prepared or to offer to run errands or to baby-sit any young children. Depending on the circumstance and your relationship with the family, you may decide to help out with additional visits in the weeks ahead.

Gifts to the bereaved can take many forms. Depending on the family’s cultural tradition, you can send flowers to the funeral home. The funeral director will
ensure the family receives the enclosure card specifying that the flowers were
from you.

Memorial gifts to a charity are often requested in death notices in the newspaper. You simply contact the requested charity, by telephone or website (you can link from our Current Services screen for the deceased individual) and they will accept your donation and send a notice to the family. Alternatively, our funeral home staff can give you donation cards or, you can use the Donation Kiosk computer located in the lobby of our Bathurst Street Chapel.

Flowers to the bereaved are another appreciated gift. A planter or small vase of flowers can be sent to their home, after the service. Click here to order.

Personal notes of sympathy are always appreciated. Typically, you mention how sorry you feel about the death and share a memory about the deceased. Notes are even more appreciated if you were not able to attend the funeral mention how sorry you were not to have been able to attend.

Mass cards for Roman Catholic mourners can be arranged at any Catholic parish church. Simply make an offering (donation). You will be given a mass card to give the immediate family, letting them know their deceased loved one will be remembered and prayed for in the intentions at a Mass. These cards are typically displayed during visitation at the funeral home.

Finding the right words to offer comfort. It can be hard to find an appropriate
way to express your sympathy to mourners at a visitation or funeral, or even in a
note. Here are a few expressions that might be of use:

“I'm sorry John is gone.”
“My sympathy to you at this time.”
“John was a great guy, I can’t believe he is gone.”
“We had so many good times together, I remember when John”
“John will be missed.”
“My sympathy to your mother.”

Portuguese visitation and funeral traditions

At a Portuguese visitation, you will enter a room with rows of chairs facing an open casket at the front of the room. The room will be quiet, with no idle chitchat. The family will be sitting in the front row of seats. The first thing to do is to sign the register book, located near the doorway. If there are prayer cards, you are welcome to take one. Then, approach the casket. There will be a prayer rail next to it where you can kneel and say a prayer, paying your respects to the deceased.

Then, pay your respects to the family. Walk down the family row and go down the row, greeting the people you know and introducing yourself to those who you don’t know, in your introduction, explain your connection to the deceased, (“I work with Carla, I'm so sorry for your loss”)

If you know the family well, sit in a chair for a while in silence, then depart quietly. The length of time you stay depends on your relationship to the family (the closer you are, the longer you stay).

The evening before the funeral, a Roman Catholic priest will hold a prayer service. This will last about 15 minutes. If you are seated when the prayers begin, wait until they are over to leave. Similarly, if you arrive and the prayers have started, wait quietly at the back of the room until they are finished before you greet the family.

Typically, Portuguese funerals take place in Roman Catholic churches, early in the morning, and the funeral mass will be about 45 minutes.

Everyone meets at the funeral home first. The funeral director will invite mourners to pay their final respects before the casket is closed. The mourners will then drive in a funeral procession to the church. The casket will remain closed for the funeral mass. After the service, everyone will drive in procession from the church to the cemetery or mausoleum. At the grave, prayers of committal will be said. This generally takes about 10 minutes. Usually, the guests disperse after the committal, there are not always refreshments following.

About the funeral procession. Cardinal’s staff will hand out maps and directions and put a funeral sign on the hood of your car. In a funeral procession, you should turn on your headlights and stay as close as is safely possible to the vehicle in front of you. If there is no police escort for the procession, do not proceed into the intersection on a red light. Even if a police officer is controlling the intersection, please make sure the traffic has stopped or is slowing down to allow the procession to continue.

Ukrainian Catholic visitation and funeral traditions

The visitation room at the funeral home will be set up with rows of chairs, and the open casket at the front of the room. The visitation will be held on one or two evenings just before the funeral. The focus of the evening is a prayer service called a “panakhyda.” Typically, the prayers will be in Ukrainian. The service will last about 20 minutes. Death notice notices will give the time of the panakhyda. It is customary to arrive in time for it. Afterwards, guests mill around informally, expressing condolences to the members of the family who they know and greeting other guests.

A Ukrainian Catholic funeral service will start at the funeral home, where about 10 minutes of prayers will take place. The casket will be open. Then, the mourners will leave in a funeral procession to the church, where the main funeral service will take place. The service typically lasts between 1 and 1 hours and takes place in the morning. Near the end of the service, the priest stands near the open casket and all mourners get up and walk by the priest and the casket, to pay their final respects. Ukrainian Catholics will kiss a cross the priest is holding as they pass him (do not do this if you are not of the faith).

After this ceremony, the mourners return to the pews and the casket is closed by the funeral directors. Everyone returns to their cars and the funeral procession makes its way to the cemetery.

Typically, caskets are lowered into a concrete vault. The priest says prayers. Mourners will leave the cemetery, often for a lunch organized by the family. You will be advised at the time if refreshments are to follow.

About the funeral procession. Cardinal’s staff will hand out maps and directions and put a funeral sign on the hood of your car. In a funeral procession, you should turn on your headlights and stay as close as is safely possible to the vehicle in front of you. If there is no police escort for the procession, do not proceed into the intersection on a red light. Even if a police officer is controlling the intersection, please make sure the traffic has stopped or is slowing down to allow the procession to continue.

About the Ukrainian Catholic faith: Ukrainian Catholics are also called Byzantine Rite Catholics. They hold the beliefs of the Roman Catholic Church, but celebrate their rites of worship according to the Byzantine (Orthodox) liturgical tradition.

Ukrainian Orthodox visitation and funeral traditions

The visitation room at the funeral home will be set up with rows of chairs, and the open casket at the front of the room. The visitation will be held on one or two evenings just before the funeral. The focus of the evening is a prayer service called a “panakhyda.” Typically, the prayers will be in Ukrainian. The service will last about 20 minutes. Death notice notices will give the time of the panakhyda. It is customary to arrive in time for it. Afterwards, guests mill around informally, expressing condolences to the members of the family who they know and greeting other guests.

A Ukrainian Orthodox funeral service will start at the funeral home, where about 10 minutes of prayers will take place. The casket will be open. Then, the mourners will leave in a funeral procession to the church, where the main funeral service will take place. The funeral service is about 45 minutes long. The funeral will be held in the morning. Near the end of the service, the priest will stand near the open casket and all mourners will get up and walk by him and the casket, to pay their final respects.

After this ceremony, the mourners return to the pews and the casket is closed by the funeral directors. Everyone returns to their cars and the funeral procession makes its way to the cemetery. Typically, caskets are lowered into a concrete vault. The priest says prayers. Mourners will leave the cemetery, often for a lunch organized by the family. You will be advised at the time if refreshments are to follow.

About the funeral procession. Cardinal’s staff will hand out maps and directions and put a funeral sign on the hood of your car. In a funeral procession, you should turn on your headlights and stay as close as is safely possible to the vehicle in front of you. If there is no police escort for the procession, do not proceed into the intersection on a red light. Even if a police officer is controlling the intersection, please make sure the traffic has stopped or is slowing down to allow the procession to continue.

About Ukrainian Orthodox faith: these Ukrainians are members of the Byzantine (Eastern Orthodox) Church, and so follow its beliefs, as well as its liturgical tradition.