Top US drug company introduces pill for ‘Russia anxiety syndrome’

It has now been almost a year since the media have been bombarding the US public with frantic reports of Russian meddling in their democracy.

Despite providing no evidence, the sheer volume and intensity of the onslaught is having a noticeable effect on average Americans.

Health care professionals, in particular mental health providers, are seeing a rise in ‘Russia Anxiety Syndrome’. Symptoms include a general sense of paranoia, and in extreme cases, sufferers report a creepy feeling that Vladimir Putin is hiding under their bed.

The disorder affects both rich and poor, with several overpaid celebrities and politicians experiencing severe toxicity. Rachel Maddow, John McCain, and the entire editorial staff of the Washington Post are notable sufferers, and haven’t been shy about showing their symptoms.

Maddow in particular recently tearfully admitted in a live broadcast that she had lost all touch with reality and at the urging of family and colleagues was taking a leave of absence and checking into a rehab clinic in Sochi, Russia. She expressed extreme remorse for almost single-handedly starting WW3. Her fans wish her a speedy recovery.

Thankfully, pharma giant Dewey Cheatum & Howe, has introduced new medication named ‘Sovieta‘ to help sufferers. Check out their latest advertisement above.

Scientists at DCH told Russia Insider that the disorder seems to be more prevalent among certain political affiliations and social groups. At risk are Democrats, childless older women who own cats, and, for some reason, people who watch CNN.

Many Republicans also suffer, in particular the effeminate wimpy variety, whom DCH researchers have termed ‘Paul Ryan Types’, otherwise popularly known as ‘cuckservatives’.

In contrast, other social groups demonstrate a vigorous immunity to the disorder, including Trump fans, Bernie supporters, the Alt-Right, and people too poor to care.

DCH statisticians have found that the last group, people too poor to care, is actually most of the US population.