It Goes Great With Meat Or Fish, Too

The Indian Coconut Development Board in New Delhi reported Thursday that coconut milk can help you stop smoking, improve your sex life and clear up acne and skin rashes.

DO EX-STRONGMEN EAT THE FILLING FIRST? It`s doubtful, however, that even daily 2,500-milligram injections of coconut would do much for the pockmarked, russet complexion of Panama`s deposed Manuel Antonio Noriega, a confessed chocoholic (if not drug co-conspirator). ``The Dictator`s Suite`` at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Miami is stocked with candies and other junk food, Oreo cookies being Noriega`s favorite. ``The general likes to offer his guests a little something when they visit him,`` defense attorney Frank Rubino told Vanity Fair. ``He may no longer be the ruler of his nation, but psychologically, he still has this need to offer you hospitality.``

NOT A GENTLEMAN IN THE CROWD Bangkok is finally improving its mass transit system. The city will operate gender-separate buses after receiving countless complaints from women about being sexually assaulted on the Thai capital`s swarming, swarthy buses.

IT COULD BE WORSE: RAFFI THE RAPPER For those of you still trying to cope with little Jackie Paper`s evolution into an adult/dragon skeptic, please sit down. There`s more bad news, especially if you are the parent of a young child. After composing such time-tested lyricism as ``Willoughby, wallaby wanya, an elephant sat on Tanya``; and the unforgettable, ``The soap is mine, mine, mine/Scrub and shine, shine, shine,`` Raffi has grown up. ``Metaphorically speaking,`` the 42-year-old Bruce Springsteen of the preschool set told People magazine, ``if we can`t ensure a playground for our children to grow up in, what`s the point of singing for them?`` Raffi, who has sworn off his highly lucrative gig of kiddie albums, cassettes, videos and packed concert halls, hopes his buttery voice will gain acceptance among adult listeners. His new album, ``Evergreen Everblue,`` addresses the environmental mess we all are in.

`YOU CAN TAKE THIS SCUD AND SHOVE IT` Ever vigilant against an inappropriate segue, the BBC has sent affiliate stations a list of 67 songs that it asks not be played right before or after news updates about the gulf war. Among the ditties: Bob Marley`s ``I Shot the Sheriff,`` Big Country`s ``Fields of Fire`` and Roberta Flack`s ``Killing Me Softly.``

CAD`S GOT HIS TONGUE? NO LONGER On everyone`s lips in Rio de Janeiro this week is a police report about a woman who bit off a piece of her unfaithful lover`s tongue while feigning a kiss. ``The woman swallowed the piece of tongue to prevent him from having it sewn back on,`` a police spokesman said. The victim is cooperating with police in their search for the woman, but he has had to answer questions in writing. WHAT ABOUT KISSING THE BOSS` BOOTS? In a survey of working professionals, the National Institute of Business Management reports that the most unacceptable activity in the office was kissing (opposed by 86 percent). Further down on the list were wearing sandals and smoking (tied at 61 percent).