John Carter is a Movie About a Man Named John Carter, According to John Carter

John Carter, the instantly infamous Disney bomb and possible co-assassin of Taylor Kitsch's career, sees its home-video release this week. It's kind of worth checking out just for the disastrous spectacle of it all, but if you're busy and don't want to watch two-plus hours of a multi-pronged civil war on Mars (aka Barsoom), which a white man crashes and then out-indigenouses the indigenous people, I've distilled everything you need to know about it. The video above is every instance of people saying the titular character's name throughout the film. They say it a lot. It's branding gone bad.

Incidentally, the every-name-in-a-movie video is currently my favorite supercut subgenre. Other entries include the recent Name of Thrones compilation and this five-minute cut of all the proper nouns in another notorious bomb, Poltergeist 3. I'm happy to contribute to the collection.