Great plot, needs editing

I like the story a lot. The plot is great. However, there are a few points that detract from the story.

First of all, the story really needs an editor. If the author or someone else went through the chapter after it was written and removed most of the many errors, it would be much more pleasant to read. Some glaring ones include:

Missing capitalization

Typos and missing or extra words

Missing apostrophes when writing possession

Incorrect use of "their" and "then"

Usage of both "him" and "it" when describing the same monster. Stick to one in a sentence or paragraph, don't randomly switch between them.

Use of "it's" when meaning "its

Another thing that I noticed is that POV changes are abrupt and often not immediately obvious. In some cases we get the thoughts of some characters when in another's POV or the POV changes without notice.

If all of the above were to be addressed, this would easily be a 5 star story.

Lying Reviews, my Rant

‘Horius, why do you say the reviews lie,‘ you might think yourself. “Because even though the plot is really good, everything else resembles my work in third grade,” I would say in an arrogant tone “I mean, how hard can it be to show thoughts and dialogue of different characters without using a bubble with their name?”

This, my friends, was an example how to do thoughts and dialogue correctly. There was no bubble with ‘Readers’ or ‘Horius’, and yet everyone understood perfectly who thought what and who said what. Easy. And because the author couldn’t do this – and for other reasons – I rate his style with only two stars.

I also was tempted to rate his style with only one star since his prologue is treated as a normal chapter and is in all honesty a normal chapter. This just isn’t what a prologue is supported to do. If you want to know what a prologue is supported to do, click the link for Kina’s Rant on prologues.

http://royalroadl.com/blog/7029

So, can anybody explain me why the style is rated with four stars? Anyone? Or why many rate the style with five stars?

At least I agree mostly with the rating for the story. It’s good and not too much like a carbon copy of others. Not 100% original as some others want to tell you, but a story doesn’t need to be original. So, yeah, good work author.

And now: bad author, bad! Your grammar is terrifying, even more so in your overworked ‘prologue’. Allow me to show you my five favorite mistakes in the first ‘prologue’ chapter.

“Sometimes when I when I…” Double the ‘when I’, double the glory! Surely.

“… usually feels to hard to stay…” Too and to is the same, really.

“… it doesn’t look bad me…” Master Yoda, honored I am.

“Even at a mere Level 5.” This one needs serious explaining. He is talking about that he AS a level five isn’t all that weak.

“The world just to be very violent.” He means most likely ‘used’, not ‘just’.

But hey, as long as there are reviews like these of ‘ArmmaH’ who rates his grammar as better than his story, why should the author ever work on it? Or with reviews like these from ‘dwoolfy’, who praises the author to the heavens. I don’t even praise my favorite authors this much, and I’m ready to purchase their books for 30-50€!

These reviews make the poor not-yet-readers believe that there are really good characters in this story. Let me cite Rhaegar for a bit: “Now for this one we meet four people in the first 30 chapters and they all feel real. Every single one of them has a distinct personality, goals, morals and psyche. I especially love the psyche part comparing the nearly sociopathic mc to the others. The discussions between the characters feel very real without any of them being overly stupid simply to advance the plot.”

I stooped reading at chapter 12, so I might not be the best judge. But I stooped reading because of the Characters. Every single conversation feels weird and stupid. Every single one. I felt that their personality is just there to spotlight Daichi the psychopath.

Edit: Someone wanted to know which story was similar, it’s Change: New World. In both stories the world suddenly changes and becomes dangerous, forcing the main character to adapt. But Change: New World is in every aspect the better fiction.

@NormalReader, look, if I really would be biased, would so many people like the review/rant? No, most likely not. I just don't butter the buttholes from authors. I mean, even the second most popular review is more honest - although I would say that this fiction can never get a five star rating. Well, maybe if the author turns in a Brandon Sanderson overnight and overworks everything.

soo...here are my complaints!!!

I read only read about 65 chapters. So first of all I want to say that I liked the beginning, It kinda reminded me of change:new world (which I really like) so I was happy. Even MC’s personality seemed similar to change:new world’s MC’s so that made me even more happy. But MC of this story(Daichi) turned out to be too emotionless. I mean I like when MC is logical, smart and when he makes decisions they are based on good logic but... Daichi gives me the feeling that he does not have any emotions at all, like he’s someone who follows his instincts like a robot follows his programming. It would be no problem if he showed at least small amount of some emotion but he does not…I simply can not relate to such character and I really do not find him interesting. If this story followed MC who was a robot which was programmed to get strongest, I think there would be no difference between its actions and Daichis. I like when characters who are logical and smart have some emotional side too. I also like when MC cares about someone other than themselves, but here every time Daichi does something for someone else he always thinks of what benefits that will bring to himself (no wonder his companions do not trust him, I would not either). Sooo basically my main problem is with MC. I find him boring and without substance, though if author shows that MC has some emotions and cares about someone other than himself this would be a great story.

This is god aweful

First a disclaimer. I only made it to chapter 14, but feel that's more than enough for all the problems on display here. Which I am not going to go through because honestly, they are the same problems 99% of all stories on RRL have. This is obviously a young not too terrible well read author who's trying to write a story he's just not ready for. He's also getting possitive feedback reinforcing bad habits from a readership that suffers from the same issues of being young and not too terribly well read.

So, here's my advice. Keep writing, but put the manga and light novels away. Stop reading them. One everynow and again... go for it if these are the genre tropes you think you wanna play with, just only everynow and again. Instead read stuff that's out of your comfort zone, and a lot of it. Read best sellers. Read classics. Read horrible bodice ripper romance novels. See how the authors form and shape a story, what sorts of turns of phrase delight you. Get a feeling for story structure and character dynamics so you aren't just figuring it out as you write it. These things are tools. Much needed tools you currently do not have in your toolbox.

Also, plot your entire story before hand. The big overarching plot of what you want to achieve as well as a chapter by chapter outline. That includes knowing who your characters are. Write backstories no one else will ever read if you need to. Entire family trees, childhood events, or anything that gives you an idea of who they are and why they are the way they are. Stuff that'll never go into your story, but helps you write them. Right now all of your characters kinda suffer from being the same, that may change after chapter 14 where I stopped, but at that point they are all the same and it means you didn't spend the time figuring them out.

Notice how a lot of webauthors with cohessive stories hit the end of an arc and then go silent for a month or more before starting again? They didn't stop writing. It's because it takes them all that time to do the backend gruntwork. Or that most professional authors only write a novel a year? These are people who do 40 hours a week writing novels for a living and only produce 3-600 published pages a year.

Be them. Get everything straight, all the details, before you start writing. It's way more important for you as a novice than it is for them. Doing all the grunt work will help you figure out how to write competient stories, but also allow you to write better because you aren't figuring it all out on the fly.

This is what i was looking for in a story. Makes sense and hardly any clitche.

First of all I love the character. He's awesome and interesting. I love how you get to find out things about the character by the author showing us instead of explaining and how the characters have there own motives instead of worshipping the MC, or falling in love with him straight away. I am looking forward to more chapters and you should give it a chance. YOU WON'T REGRET IT.

Well done characters and world building. Would recommend.

Writing this at chapter 32 so things might change. Giving an overall score of 5 stars so more people see it (I'd say it's a solid 8/10). It definitely is one of the better stories I've read on RR (or in general really) and I REALLY recommend reading it. Skip the first four chapters (like the author suggests) if you want to get a feel for the story. It really starts at chap 5 and you can reread the prologue later on (chaps are short especially the prologue so you won't miss much apart from world/character building). So for the more detailed review (very minor spoilers):

Style: I honestly don't know enough about writing to judge this one appropriately but it reads well. I can't say much more than that I like it, which won't really help you so see for yourself. There are POV changes but 80% is MC. The changes don't feel bad though because the characters are very well done.

Story: Nothing really new, the world goes to shit, monsters spawn and people need to survive. There are game like elements all over the place but it doesn't really feel alien because they were present in the characters lives prior to the apocalyptic event happening in chap 5. There is no overarching plot (except maybe an ominous strenght goal) so far but everyone has certain goals they want to achieve.

The author does world building VERY well. There are no humongeous information dumps and everything we learn about the world is relevant to the current situation or character development. We learn about magic, history and so on without feeling disconnected to events happening right now and of course without it being the focus of the story (very character driven). What I also like about this one is that the author doesn't just dump everything. The characters don't know some things and neither do we which fuels the mistery aspect and makes me want to know more.

The general feel is rather dark without it being edgy (let's kill the evil slave masters! RR copyright). For comparison I'd mention Change:New world. Many people died and survival is hard...killing is hard (for some) but it's not unspeakable suffering devouring the soul of man. I'll mention more about that in the character review.

Another thing...possibly the one I like most apart from the characters is that the author goes really deep with the magic system. The mc really THINKS about how the magic works and how he can influence it further just like you and I might. It's not an information dump but rather discovering how everything works together with the characters. A very engaging way to present a system.

Summing up nothing new on RR so far but VERY well executed, no boring info dumps and nothing is taken for granted. You discover the world and the system together with the characters.

Grammar: It's good. Some stuff isn't proofread and everybody makes mistakes. Considering how fast the chapters are released I'd rather have this than fewer chapters with fewer mistakes. You can see that the author has a good grasp of the language. Most errors are simply mistypes. The sentence structures are good and I wasn't taken out of the immersion even once.

Characters: Now to the absolute best part of this story and I really really hope this keeps up. Writing relatable and interesting characters is probably the most difficult thing in a story and as you all know many authors on this site are beginners in the trade. Most stories have the dark mc, sometimes done well and sometimes utter crap. The better stories like Don't fear the Reaper have a couple well done chars, maybe 2 or three but most stories have the mc plus either a mindless blank harem or similarly blank sidekicks simply there to glorify our mc.

Now for this one we meet four people in the first 30 chapters and they all feel real. Every single one of them has a distinct personality, goals, morals and psyche. I especially love the psyche part comparing the nearly sociopathic mc to the others. The discussions between the characters feel very real without any of them being overly stupid simply to advance the plot. They all cope with the new world in different ways. They all have flaws (yes even the mc) AND KNOW IT. It almost feels like all of them have a brain and can come to rational conclusions. They still disagree from time to time but it's always based on their own world view, upbringing or morals. Generally just very well done characters.

It's not very long yet but I definitely recommend keeping this one on your radar. It's very promising and well executed. Check it out if you find the time.

Very detailed and almost 100% original.

The detail in this story is great and makes the fight scenes and other important instances very enjoyable. What makes this story even better is that it is very original. Normally in a story with this setting, the MC would either be a nervous wreck or be totally reliant on other characters. But what makes the story unique is that the MC is practically a psychopath, yet at the same time very relatable to. It gets me excited that if you pay attention to the story you can tell that the author is adding mysteries that most likely be relevant later on. Read the story, it can only get better.

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