The Shanty

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The choice to not have kids comes with some repercussions
that aren’t easy to accept sometimes. Around the time all your friends start
(and continue) having children their lives change. They are no longer available
whenever, they can no longer guarantee anything anymore. Luckily for them, they
are going to have other friends who are having babies who can relate. But what
about those of us who choose not to reproduce?? There is a stage of loneliness
that lasts until your friends kids are more grown up. During this time period
you more than likely will flock to older friends or possibly even younger ones who
don’t yet have children. We all have a need to be liked and to spend time with
friends. The truth is it’s much easier to do when you don’t have children. It’s
not impossible but it does become more difficult once a little one is dependent
on you. Additionally your priorities aren’t the same any more (or at least they
shouldn’t be!). Childless couples are still focusing on doing things for each
other and their finances flow a bit more freely with no extra expenses to worry
about unlike their counterparts.

Now I’m not saying that you will lose certain friends should
you choose to have children or not have children BUT things do become a lot
more complicated and sparse. During this
time you should try to remember that your friends aren’t abandoning you…they’re
just simply busier now than they used to be. This is hard for me to remember
sometimes. Occasionally it feels like the universe is punishing me because I don’t
want children. Since it isn’t the norm it is
hard at times. People are always asking why and how come and saying that I should
and that it’s a pity because I’d make a great mother. Who’s to say this is
true? And who’s to say THAT’S the reason why I choose not to have children?
Trust me, choosing not to reproduce is not a pity nor is it a shame. Nor is
there anything wrong with this choice. There are bouts of solitude however but
it’s not painful enough to make my own mini companion.

I will always have friends who make time for me and other
friends who share the same choice in life as I do and are therefore more
available. But because it isn’t the most popular of choice, it is emotionally
difficult at times. I suppose it’s difficult anytime your life takes a turn and
heads in a different direction than your friends'—Kids vs. No Kids being one of
the biggest ones. I suggest you keep your friends but also get some new ones whose
lives are more parallel to your own. Once things settle down a bit you will be
glad you have all your old friends and new ones as well. Just don’t get
offended in the meantime if it seems you don’t have much in common anymore…you
will likely find some common ground once again.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Yesterday I looked at some photos that were taken right
after I bought my house in 2008. I looked at the pictures of myself and thought
“damn, I look skinny.” Well compared to my size today I was. But that’s not
what saddened me. What saddened me is that I remember that day. I remember
getting ready and having “nothing” to wear. I remember feeling fat and ugly. I
remember settling on something I didn’t feel very comfortable in but feeling
like I really had no other options. The saddest part about this remembrance is
that I have never felt comfortable with my body no matter what size it’s been.
I thought this time would be different. I keep telling myself, sure I wasn’t
comfortable back then but now if I were that size I would be. But um…I can also
remember thinking that very thought on other occasions after ballooning up a
bit and then back down. It didn’t matter, it was never good enough. I have
NEVER felt good about my body. So as I try so hard right now to get into shape
and become a healthy person once again I am disturbed by the fact that even if
I lose some weight and get into the best shape of my life, I am still not going
to love my body. Wow.

I have got to learn how to love myself inside AND OUT no
matter what size I am. I have little idea of how to do this but I am going to try. I
have never been taught to love my appearance. What I have been taught is how to
pick people apart, pointing out all their flaws, including my own. I have tried
to pick out certain features before that I DO like and try to focus on those
but quickly I fall back into thinking “yeah but look at my _____”. I must put
an end to this. Because if I don’t I still will never be happy with how I look.
I want to keep tricking myself into thinking that this time will be different
but that has never been the case and I must try something new that might work
instead of failing over and over.

I am going to continue to eat healthy and work out to some
degree daily. I have also decided to include Bikram yoga back into my life. This
practice was so good for me not only physically but mentally as well. And
mental reshaping is what I need most right now. I am also going to try to point
out positives about my body and steer away from the negatives. We all have
things we wish we could change. Someone out there is jealous of whatever you
feel your flaws are though…try to remember that. I hate looking at pictures of
myself right now because I look round and fat and it just breaks my heart to
see myself like that. However, now instead of focusing on THAT I want to try
and focus on how happy I look. And focus on the inner beauty I know I possess
pushing through.

This is not going to be easy. But what a sobering thought to
realize that no matter how my body looks I am never going to be happy with it
unless I teach my mind to love it NOW. All these work out infomercials showing
people happy and vibrant after they’ve lost weight is crap. I mean, they might
really feel good and proud of their accomplishments, as they should, but the
true reality is that I bet they still don’t have anything to wear. And I bet
they still wish they had this or that or could just lose 5 more pounds. I vow
to only wear clothes I feel comfortable in, no matter what size they are. And I
vow to compliment myself on my appearance quietly to myself until I believe it.
Those of you who also suffer with body dysmorphic disorder know how personal of
a struggle it really is. Others could compliment me all day long and I still
see myself as gross. It really is sad because it holds me back from so many
things.

Well, enough is enough. It’s time to start loving myself from the
inside out. And it’s time to start doing so NOW.

About Me

Where to start? The purpose of my blog is to allow you, the reader, to get to know me more. I will let you discover who I am through reading my blog.
I don't think it's news to anyone that I grew up in a trailer park. It is often a joke of mine to reference it and how I rose above that lifestyle. I have no shame in my roots though and even desire to own a trailer park one day! It is a huge part of me hence my blog title and picture.
Furthermore, I feel that learning about me will help you learn about yourself. I know I take in so much knowledge from my friends and feedback so I hope you find this useful as well.