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The Mad March Hare (NOT the Easter Bunny!) wakes up the Goddess Ostara, who spreads all that yummy Spring/Fertility goodness around! She’s the reason we have choccy eggs as well – and was the original Easter diety, so let’s look at the brighter upside of more ‘resurrectionist’ Easter traditions!

Yes, today’s that twice a year day, when the whole world’s in harmony, with day and night lasting the exact same time, including the Equator, as well as those pesky Northern and Southern Hemispheres, who have polar opposite Equinoxes – Spring and Autumnal respectively… 🙂 Now, the weather isn’t exactly behaving itself in my neighbourhood, but – the SUN has been out most of the day and so, despite some snow lingering on the verges of fields and country lanes, and beneath hedgerows, we’re seeing signs of Spring bursting out. This means that trees and flowers are starting to at least…

Another great Lisa Burton Radio Show interview on Entertaining Stories.
This time it’s Baron Arthuru Kernaghan’s turn in the hot seat. The Baron’s from Charles Yallowitz’s long and fantastic ‘The Legends Windermere’ series, so you know you’re in for some classic, epic fantasy!

Don’t touch that dial. No, seriously, it may be cursed now. You’ve landed on Lisa Burton Radio, the only show that brings you the characters from the books you love.

We’ve had our share of evil warlords, fallen angels, and general baddies on the show before, but never one the gods took a direct involvement in. My special guest today is none other than Baron Arthuru Kernaghan. “Welcome to the show, Baron.”

“My pleasure to be here. It’s nice to interact with non-demons for even a little while.”

“My research provided me with a little bio, and it says here that you have an on-again slash off-again relationship with a woman named Zaria. What’s that all about?”

“To say my marriage to the Goddess of Purity is complicated would be an understatement, so I will try my best to explain the situation. We were both mortals and worked in a…

Hello, and welcome to another edition of Lisa Burton Radio, the only show that brings you the characters from the books you love. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and today we’re going to talk about Craig’s new book–. Hold that thought, we have an early caller.

“Hello, caller. You’re on the air with Lisa. What’s on your mind, honey?”

“Oh, hey… I’m on? This is live? Wow, this is so cool — I love Craig’s books — wait, is he there? Probably busy, right? That’s okay, I love girls and robots, too. I mean robot girls. Uh, I guess I’m trying to say I’m a big fan… Anyway, I’m Drake Stevenson. I’ve been wanting to call in for a while — long time listener and all. I guess I’m calling tonight because I have this weird problem. It’s kind of a girl problem…uh…wow, that sounded so lame…”

TURN THE VOLUME DOWN A BIT!

I’m a Dog! It’s my Chinese Zodiac sign, which as you probably know is the Sign for 2018 as well. What you may not know, is that each 12 years the element of the Zodiac animal sign changes as well. In my birth year, 1958, it was the Earth Dog, and because there’s a 60 year cycle to that elemental rotation, 2018 is also an Earth Dog year!

… I’m hoping that means this is going to be a great one for me!

Here’s what may be in store for us from the start of the Chinese New Year today…

Mark your turf—but play well with others.

Dog years can make everyone a lot more territorial, and having a safe haven to call our own is a must in 2018. Home sales (and prices) will continue to trend up in many markets—and, by extension, so will the popularity of shelter blogs, home decor shows and Instagram interior decorators. With the earth element ruling in 2018, go green with your selections. Now’s the time for owners to invest in renewable energy solutions like solar and wind. Planting gardens and trees can also cleanse the air while improving curb appeal.

“Insta-BFFs and Facebook faux-friending will go the way of the dinosaur in 2018. As anyone who has unleashed their pet at a dog park can attest, canines have a systematic getting-to-know-you process.”

With xenophobia on a continued rise, however, this border patrolling can be a double-edged sword. As protective pups bark at any random who crosses our property line, we can also grow unnecessarily suspicious of our good-willed neighbors. The challenge in 2018 will be setting healthy boundaries without erecting immovable walls. That said, the world can be a dangerous place and the question remains: How on-guard do we legit need to be? The Dog has an idea: Put people through the sniff test before allowing them into your pack. Insta-BFFs and Facebook faux-friending will go the way of the dinosaur in 2018. As anyone who has unleashed their pet at a dog park can attest, canines have a systematic getting-to-know-you process. Before they romp and play, they bark at each other, growl and, yes, get a whiff of each other’s most private parts.

Metaphorically, the Year of the Earth Dog requires a similar meet- and-greet strategy. Can we open up and show our most vulnerable sides to each other? That level of transparency could be considered crass, but in 2018, being “too real” can be a huge trust-builder. It’s kind of like the children’s book Everyone Poops, which was written with the intent of normalizing a bodily function that’s considered rather embarrassing— unless, of course, you’re a dog. This creature’s excretory habits are the most publicly observed and accepted. While we’re not suggesting you cop a squat on a city sidewalk, 2018 is the year for people to get honest and stop acting like their s**t don’t stink.

Keep calm and canine on.

More than almost any other emotion, dogs have a keen ability to sense fear. And during the Year of the Earth Dog, we can be easily riled, especially in the face of uncertainty. Politicians, bullies, and even trusted media sources that rely on clicks for revenue, can rile up the fear factor. A sanity saver? Create a grounding practice that utilizes the earth element. This can be as basic as a 30-minute morning walk or leaning against a tall tree for its stalwart support.

Dial down angst-inducing stimulants like caffeine and sugar, and reach for natural snacks like raw nuts, apple wedges and healthy proteins. Turn off news alerts and only check world events at set times so you aren’t sent into a panic spiral every time a “breaking headline” posts. Bring this digital detox to your bedroom and invest in a legit alarm clock instead of sleeping with your mobile phone on your nightstand.

Alpha males and tough bitches.

As the Year of the Fire Cock turns over to the Year of the Earth Dog, will we see more Alpha male antics? Ugh, we’re afraid so. We have one more year of law and order ideology and scary dog-whistling politics to weather before the hedonistic Earth Boar shakes it up in 2019.

But 2018 comes with a warning label: Don’t mess with the bitches! The Dog is associated with Western astrology’s Libra, the sign of equality and justice. The age-old, imbalanced power dynamics between men and women will continue to raise hackles in 2018. Domineering types who use their stature to intimidate, control and abuse the pack could be locked out of the doghouse (and perhaps penned up in the Big House). The feminist revolution of 2018 might even reclaim the word “bitch” (perhaps bedazzled on a choker) as the upleveled pussy hat. Designers, you heard it here first.

Happy Earth Dog New Year to YOU!

… well, the nature of lurve is different for all of us after all. Whether or not you exist in the ‘real’ world or one some other plane of existence!
While he was still with us, my husband and I had variable levels of Valentine’s activity, running from barely there to really touching romantic dinners. The most memorable of those was when I had my definitive breakdown in 2005 (at the Springer Spaniel gastro-pub – a favourite night out treat for me still) when he gave me a rather lovely pink pearl bracelet watch and reduced me to mushy tears.

This year, of course the only Valentine’s gift I’m getting is the one I’m giving myself, which is minimal, no hassle online time and an easy to cook sirloin steak with peppercorn sauce, asparagus and mange tout. This will inevitably be followed by millionaire’s shortbread with Haagen-Daz, a frozen Strawberry Daiquiri with some Swiss truffles, then I’ll most likely wind up watching the latest Tattoo Fixers Valentine’s Special – I’m obsessed with Sketch! 😛

Tolkienesque dragons are much on my mind these days as the WIP is coming back into focus. Maybe next Valentine’s day I’ll have a couple done on my arms if I continue to lose weight/change body shape – so there’ll be something nicer to look at than saggy skin! 😛

And just to gross you out completely… here’s a suitably weird romantic skit from Family Guy (the one where Peter gets erotically harassed by his lady boss, Angela)!

I was reading an article in the New York Times the other day about niche comedy. It spoke of a drummer telling jokes about drumming to other drummers, and reminded me of a friend at university who studied maths once telling me about mathematical jokes, which made no sense to non-mathy people.

The joke was something about mathematicians not being able to tell the difference between Christmas and Hallowe’en, because Dec 25 is Oct 31. I did not laugh, because regardless of my deep abiding love for statistics, I am not a complete nerd. To be fair, he didn’t laugh either, but this was because as well as a mathematician, he was a normal human being with a functioning sense of humour.

Anyway, I think the joke had something to do with computers. This did not mean it had something to do with social media, but as we all know by now, I…

Today it’s my great pleasure to participate for the second time in Lizzie Chantree’s new book launch, which is now available on Amazon. Ninja School Mum is Lizzie’s fourth contemporary-romance and, in common with her previous books, is full of vibrant, quirky characters and situations. So, without further ado, let’s get all the lowdown on this little gem of a story…

Book blurb:

Obsessive-compulsive school mum, Skye, is a lonely elite spy, who is running from her past whilst trying to protect the future of her child. She tries hard to fit in with the other parents at her son’s new school, but the only person who accepts her unconventional way of life is new mother, Thea.

Thea is feeling harassed by her sister and bored with her life, but she suspects that there is something strange about the new school mum, Skye. Thea has secrets of her own and, although…

Well… I couldn’t pass up on this one, could I? 😛 Aside from it being for kids of all ages, the subject matter is very close to my heart (the fantasy elements AND the chocolate of course)! 😉
Nice to see it’s a mother and son team as well 🙂

Hey there all you conquistadores and knights in shining armor. Today is Thursday, and you know what that means. It’s time for Lisa Burton Radio. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, bringing you another fabulous interview with one of the characters you love from your favorite books. My guest today is Sir Chocolate. “Welcome to the show, um, Sir.”

“Thank you, Lisa, I am delighted to be here. You don’t mind if I try up the air conditioning, do you? It is a bit warm in here and I don’t want to start melting.”

“I’m kind of indifferent to temperatures, so help yourself. I understand you’ve taken up a quest, as knights often do. Can you tell our listeners what kind of challenge you’re facing?”

“Lady Sweet and I own a chocolate factory where we make chocolate goodies, sugar mice and other sugar decorations that we sell in our…

The following conversation is a thinly exaggerated account of an actual conversation I heard, loudly expressed, on the TransSiberian train last November.

Traveller 1: So we just came from [Cool Place of The Moment #7] and we’re headed for [Place So Cool It’s Not Even A Hashtag Yet]. Where are you guys travelling to?

Traveller 2: Well, we started in [Ridiculously Remote Place Which Nobody Ever Enjoyed Themselves In Ever] 17 months ago, and we’re making our way to [Lonely Planet’s #1 Destination As Announced Last Week] by Christmas. On foot.

Traveller 1: [chastened] Wow, that’s such a cool way to travel, on foot. [more smugly] You’re gonna love [Lonely Planet’s #1 Destination As Announced Last Week]. I was there last year and it was such an incredible spot. There was hardly anyone there back then. I hope it’s not too busy these days after the Lonely…

Today it’s my great pleasure to participate in Lizzie Chantree’s new book launch, which is now on pre-order with Amazon. Ninja School Mum is Lizzie’s fourth contemporary-romance and, in common with her previous books, is full of vibrant, quirky characters and situations. So, without further ado, let’s get all the lowdown on this little gem of a story…

Book blurb:

Obsessive-compulsive school mum, Skye, is a lonely elite spy, who is running from her past whilst trying to protect the future of her child. She tries hard to fit in with the other parents at her son’s new school, but the only person who accepts her unconventional way of life is new mother, Thea.

Thea is feeling harassed by her sister and bored with her life, but she suspects that there is something strange about the new school mum, Skye. Thea has secrets of her own and, although the two become…