Spiritual Abuse?

Do you think it is possible to be abused spiritually? What does that look like? Can we learn the signs? How can we tell if others have been spiritually abused? How does a person heal when things like prayer, scripture, and music, which many find comforting, have been used to wield damaging blows? When pulling into a church parking lot brings on anxiety? When opening a Bible and only being able to hear the voice of your leader and his interpretation? When you are swallowed by guilt over drawing healthy boundaries?

January is Spiritual Abuse Awareness month. We at Recovering Grace would like to share with you some of the books and blogs that we personally have found helpful in our healing, including the following guest post below. Along with these we highly recommend the book series recently posted here on RG, “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.”

L’Chaim!

–The Recovering Grace Team

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“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Spiritual what, you say? Ah, that’s why we need an awareness month. Here are a few definitions to get you up to speed:

Spiritual abuse occurs when someone in a position of spiritual authority, the purpose of which is to ‘come underneath’ and serve, build, equip and make God’s people more free, misuses that authority, placing themselves over God’s people to control, coerce or manipulate them for seemingly Godly purposes which are really their own. – Jeff VanVonderen

Spiritual abuse is the misuse of a position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interests of someone other than the individual who needs help. Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times it occurs because of legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means. Spiritually abusive religious systems are sometimes described as legalistic, mind controlling, religiously addictive, and authoritarian. – David Henke, Watchman Fellowship

Spiritual abuse occurs when a leader, church, or a belief system, whether well intentioned or not, dominates, manipulates, or castigates individuals through fear tactics, mind control, or some other psychological or emotional abuse. – Spiritual Research Network

You see it in cults and in mainstream churches. You see it from televangelists and pastors and elders and priests. You hear about it on the news when another child is molested by a priest or pastor. You don’t see it in the faces of the people next to you who once heard and believed that they can’t please God unless they’re good enough. It’s there too.

It’s bad because it hurts people.

It’s worse because it hurts people and tells them they deserve it.

It’s worst because it hurts people and teaches them that God does too.

I think it’s no exaggeration to say that Spiritual Abuse is arguably the one of the most pressing moral, theological, and social issues facing the church (the followers of Jesus) today. Spiritual abuse not only leaves people emotionally and psychologically devastated, it turns them away from faith in the God who could be their source of consolation and encouragement. A church that doesn’t address the realities of Spiritual Abuse leaves its message savaged and discredited, often without even realizing it. If people associate you with the hypocrites, the manipulators, the bullies, and the abusers, why should they listen to anything you have to say on any other subject — even the Gospel itself?

Though like all abuse it’s hard to quantify, statistics seem to bear out this view. A 2010 study by the Barna group revealed that tens of millions of “unchurched” people in America — about 4 of every 10 adults who don’t attend church — “said they avoid churches because of negative past experiences in churches or with church people.” Guess who is the largest segment in the “unchurched” demographic? Self-identified Christians. The problem isn’t that we haven’t reached the “unchurched” with our evangelistic efforts; the problem is that we have, and we hurt them in the process. The wise words of Pogo come to mind….

WE HAVE MET THE ENEMY, AND HE IS US!

The best way to learn about spiritual abuse is, as with most things, to take the time to read about it. (For a quick-and-dirty immersible experience, Provender’s “Model of Spiritually Abusive Language” is probably the most accurate primer I’ve seen of what it really looks like in practice.) Over the past few years, I’ve had occasion to write several articles on the subject. In honor of Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month, I’ve put together a list for you. First are my own articles, then are some links to other resources I’ve found helpful. Find one that looks interesting and give it a read.

Articles on Spiritual Abuse

Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse – Things spiritual abusers say vs. things the Bible says. One of these things is not like the other; one of these things just doesn’t belong.

How Does Jesus Love You? – The best treatment for spiritual abuse is to understand how Jesus really loves you. I went all out on this first guest post for “Quivering Daughters”, and it’s still probably my favorite thing I’ve ever written.

The Galatian Road out of Legalism – The New Testament has an entire book attacking the legalistic doctrine of manipulative spiritual leaders. Here’s a handy summary.

Godly Authority: A Flight to Topsyturvydom – Spiritual abusers often make a big deal out of “godly authority.” Jesus often made a big deal out of godly humility and self-sacrifice. Somebody must be flying upside down.

20 Reasons to Abandon a Bugaboo – So you want to abandon religion because you object to all the cruelty and abuse in its name? Great! Did you know you’re agreeing with the Bible?

Turn Your Eyes Upon… – “If you focus on Jesus, you’ll become like Jesus; if you focus on worldliness—even in order to avoid it—you’ll become worldly.” Why separating yourself from the world makes you worldly.

Hypocriticism – All the most wonderful people I know are Christians; so are all the most annoying jerks I know. Will the real hypocrites please stand up?

The Truth about “Effeminate Worship” – If “manly men” are staying away from church, does it prove the church has become “feminized”? Or can doctrines about gender become a pretext for religious bullying?

All articles on this site reflect the views of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of other Recovering Grace contributors or the leadership of the site. Students who have survived Gothardism tend to end up at a wide variety of places on the spiritual and theological spectrum, thus the diversity of opinions expressed on this website reflects that. For our official statement of beliefs, click here.

About the author

Eric M. Pazdziora is a composer, pianist, author, and church musician. His writings have appeared in publications including Quivering Daughters, Precepts for Living, Urban Faith, Enchanted Conversation, and Journal of Ethnodoxology. As a composer, his music has been performed by orchestras, instrumental ensembles, choirs, and soloists, recorded on several CDs, and published by GIA and Alliance. He has performed as a pianist, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist with the folk / americana band Thornfield (www.thornfieldmusic.com).
Eric holds a B.Mus. in Sacred Music Composition from Moody Bible Institute, and is currently pursuing an M.M. in Composition from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. He lives in North Carolina with his wife Carrie and cat Eloise. For more information, visit his website at www.ericpazdziora.com.

42 Comments

Thanks for the links. I've been enjoying reading the articles. I really loved the idea behind the one about birthdays - that God celebrates us and we should celebrate our children - and the one about the so-called "feminization" of the church captured well my discomfort anytime I hear someone calling for more masculinity in the church.

Love these links too! Even the title of the one on Brokenness was thought-provoking. How many sermons have I heard on how we must be broken - and so much teaching in EQUIP, and at training centers too focused on how we must be broken. How beautiful it is to realize that God comes to me with healing. How great is His love for me!

The articles on a woman's role were also much appreciated - good to look at all of Scripture to see how a woman is to relate to her husband or father.

And the articles on Garment of Salvation and modesty of clothing - wow! How we dress is truly not a a focus of the Scripture - I loved how he pointed out that one of the main Scriptures used for the modest dress argument is talking about not dressing ostentatiously and not about dressing "modestly".

I have not been to the site about brokenness but ask any horse trainer what a broke horse is and he will tell you a horse that will do what you ask when you ask ...a trained horse...if you look at brokenness that way it may bring a new perspective on what brokenness in the Christian life is...being trained by God. btw, for those who think some aspects of horse training is cruel, spurs used correctly are an aid to signal a horse to do something, not punishment or abuse. the bit is also a guide and does not hurt the horse's mouth...a horse can feel when you move the reins ever so slightly, my horse trainer says a horse is so sensitive it can feel your heart beat...I am not sure about that but horses are very sensitive that they can read your body language and emotions...that is why a calm horse can get nervous when a nervous or fearful person gets on it but put a confident rider on a nervous or fearful horse and you will see that horse do most anything the rider asks..interesting that there are many similarities between horse training and Christian growth. You can lead a person to Christ but you can't make them drink! (tee hee)

It's a really good article, Esbee, if you wished to read it. While I have no problem with horse training or ownership, I do not find a lot of Scriptural support for the training of animals as being analogous to the Christian life.

As someone who has a family member involved in natural horsemanship, I feel I have to say there is no "brokenness" in great horse training...sometimes no bits are necessary. You are correct that horses are so very sensitive that they can read you. So you need to learn to "speak their language." They obey because it is pure joy to do so in their little horsey minds. Take a look:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TT87Bj6Kyc

"Breaking their will" is an oft-repeated mantra of parents in these systems. The analogy to breaking a horse is part of their way of thinking. However -

I was fascinated by the documentary, "Buck", described here: http://www.npr.org/2011/06/17/137151174/buck-a-horse-whisperer-wrangles-his-dark-past

Ironically in this context, Buck is renowned for his abilities with horses. It is a thing of beauty to see him training them to do what he wants. As opposed to whipping them and breaking them down, it's almost as if he's dancing with them. He does take control and clearly informs them what he expects. He builds them up and takes joy in their joy. His understanding of horses is partly rooted in the abuse he experienced as a child and how he was rescued from that.

The documentary is available on Netflix. I would highly recommend it to parents as well as to anyone who is healing from a painful childhood.

Interesting discussion. I share Hannah's distrust of analogies between animal training and spiritual development, though it's interesting that the most recent research I've seen in animal behaviorism seems to indicate positive reinforcement is much more effective and reliable. As mostly a city boy, the extent of my knowledge of horse-training is a couple viewings of the movie Misty, which contains the line, "Breaking them is the quick way, but gentling them is the sure way."

A quick search on Google turned up this article:

Horses who have been broken and not gentled are easy to spot. When I approach the fence they will stand off at a distance and watch me wearily and if I enter the pasture with them, they will move off to a safer distance.

On the other hand, if I approach the fence and the horses make their way slowly forward to where I’m standing and reach out their noses to sniff this new human curiously, then I know these animals have not had their spirit broken. They have been gentled and are unafraid of humans.

The full thing: http://open.salon.com/blog/torman/2011/06/25/an_explaination_of_us_part_two_breaking_vs_gentling

I've always associated "breaking" as being broken before God over our sin (collective or specific) as in Psalm 51 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise", "Oh Lord open tou my lips that the bones that thou hast broken may rejoice" Being broken is a good thing in my book. The breaking ain't fun but it certainly "yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness" (Heb 12)

grateful, I believe that is the commonly understood definition of 'being broken' in Christian circles. What we are describing is something completely different. ATI took that idea of brokenness and applied it's own meaning, and ultimately created a theology that you can do cruel things to people under your authority and it's God using you to 'break' them, therefore ok to do said cruel things. (At least, that's it in a nutshell, of course there are more complicated nuances within that doctrine.)

how much of this "spiritual abuse" is people simply reacting to not liking to what they hear?

DavidJanuary 22, 2013

How would you suggest we go about determining this?

HeatherJanuary 22, 2013

Well, being a habitual liar and discrediting people's reputations (either subtly or not so subtly), manipulating people for your own ends,(with the manipulatee finding out about it later in no uncertain terms), isn't something that falls under 'someone not liking what they hear'. Just to name a few. :p (and I'm not even talking about BG, although from everything I've heard that's a pretty good description of him.)

"Hannah"January 24, 2013

Not a lot, if my experiences and first-hand knowledge of many of the authors, here, is any indication. It's more like people reacting to being controlled. Why don't you read, The Subtle Power of Spiritual abuse. I hear it's a great book, and may answer some of your questions about what spiritual abuse is and isn't.

Yeah, if you just attended a few seminars, you probably didn't see the severity that we saw. It's like boiling a frog; things are not so blatant until you get further into the program, and even then, the brainwashing effect keeps you from seeing it for what it is, immediately.

Which is pretty typical of cults, to have "layers" of involvement, and graduated levels of access to the "anointed one" and his teachings. We are speaking as having been more or less on the "inner circle".

I think that's the sort of thing Nancy Leigh DeMoss has in mind in her books as well. I think that what a person means by "brokenness" or "breaking" makes all the difference.

Contrasting examples: David (eventually) approached God in brokenness over his sin. Tamar, traumatized by being raped, retreated from public life and live out the rest of her life a desolate woman. David's brokenness was a response to his own sin, Tamar's trauma was from evil done to her. There are those who would counsel Tamar that the trauma she is feeling is the good version of brokenness, rubbing salt in the wound. In the documentary "Buck", there are some vintage scenes of horses being whipped. Fathers are instructed not to exasperate their children and discourage them; Proverbs 18:14 speaks about the dis-ease of having a "broken spirit."

hmm, I left a thought incomplete. The thing about the horses being whipped is that it clearly went out of bounds. The footage they showed was not a good "breaking", it was abuse.

gratefulJanuary 22, 2013

Hebrews clearly states that God demonstrates His love by scourging believers. In fact it evidence of sonship.

MatthewSJanuary 23, 2013

A question for you: If there were a difference between loving discipline and abuse, what do you suppose that difference might be?

HeatherJanuary 22, 2013

yes, grateful, but it's God that's doing the scourging, if you get my meaning. He knows what He's doing. Yes, of course He uses people to do that sometimes, but we are to approach that brother in humility and meekness, knowing that but for the grace of God, there go I. etc... I have been rebuked in loving tenderness by multiple people. I have been pounded into dust by prideful, arrogant people who had massive two-by-fours hanging out of their eyes. Which individuals do you think I was more willing to listen to, even if initially I may not have particularly wanted to hear it? The ones who actually cared about me. And THAT is the spiritual version of 'gentling' vs. a human 'breaking' their fellow man. (imo, that's us taking God's job into our own hands). Are there possible exceptions to this 'gentling' vs breaking? Yes, I do believe so, but the majority of the time, loving kindness breaks people in a proper way, so much more than harshness and forceful, intentional 'breaking'.

gratefulJanuary 23, 2013

LOL at massive 2 X 4's. sometimes I wonder if I should just not comment on this site. Apparently I have not been exposed to the same level of abuse (for lack of a better term) or something.

IleataJanuary 23, 2013

Grateful, have you read "Quivering Daughters" or "A Matter of Basic Principle"? Maybe those books (along with the articles here) will answer some of your questions.

gratefulJanuary 23, 2013

Here is where I am coming from. Read in I Sam chps 13 and 15 and see how Saul tried to cover up his refusal to follow the commands of God with religious sounding answers and talk. Samuel confronted him and Saul made excuses - religious sounding excuses. Now compare that to articles written and books written that sound religious and even use scripture, but their main thesis is to demonstrate how unnecessary it is to follow certain edicts or commands in the Bible. Let me illustrate: I grew up as a "typical" American boy, i.e. I was a conceited drunkard, fornicator, and addicted to satanic rock music all by the age of 17 :) - typical flesh-pleasing narcissistic American. Got saved and my life was radically changed. Now I see a whole crop of young people in my circles all running as fast as they can toward the destruction and misery of what I was set free from - and all in the name of FREEDOM in Christ. How ironic that in the name of freedom they are running toward bondage, emboldeden by the reasoning that any constraining factor, parental or otherwise, is abuse. That is why I speculate about the legitimacy of some abuse (no doubt some abuse is legit). I guess the bottom line is that it breaks my heart to see people I love, who have been protected, who have been taught the ways of God, turn their back on all of it , start dressing like harlots, start drinking and living promiscuously - all because they were in such "bondage" to standards. The sad thing is that you cannot escape the fact that one reaps what one sows and the bitter crop of a sinful lifestyle is not pleasant (I've been there)Romans 6:16 states it clearly - or in the words of Bob Dylan, "you gotta serve somebody."

Here endeth the Epistle; thank you and good night.

gratefulJanuary 23, 2013

@ MatthewS - to answer your question about how to distinguish the difference between abuse and discipline. motive. If the motive is to satisfy some need of the one distributing the discipline, that is abuse. Very difficult to quantify.

MatthewSJanuary 23, 2013

OK, I agree that motive can be a distinction. Do you suppose it's the only one? I'm honestly trying to converse, not to badger you or be difficult.

MatthewSJanuary 23, 2013

(@grateful, I will reply at this level so the comment isn't too scrunched up)

Here endeth the Epistle; thank you and good night."good night"? But this was around 10 in the morning! ;-)

I would like to make sure I am hearing you. You did not grow up thinking about living for the Lord. You were closer to the author of Ecclesiastes, "I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure."

At some point, you met the Lord and started a relationship with him, and your life changed. You are involved in a church, where you see kids who are fortunate to have a better start than your background. But it concerns you to see people who talk about freedom in Christ, yet it seems they are headed towards things that will bring bondage, not freedom. You hear talk of abuse, but perhaps the charges of abuse are by naive kids who haven't seen enough of the real world to understand how much pain they missed out on. It weighs on you to see them fly the flags of abuse and freedom while seemingly taking huge steps backward, back to the very stuff from which you were saved.

If I've got you right, it must be frustrating to think about how kids might be so ungrateful that they have been given so much and yet they are calling it all abuse.

I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, so please correct me. I'm trying to see it from your eyes. Am I close to understanding where you are coming from?

IleataJanuary 23, 2013

Trying to find a balance between license and legalism is a concern I hear a lot.

I think one thing that really matters is "is it sin." You say that people are running toward bondage in the name of Christian liberty. But we have no freedom in Christ to murder, fornicate, steal or be drunkards. Christ has set us free from sin.

But there are lots of things that aren't declared sin in Scripture and many that we are specifically given freedom to do. I mean, is it a sin to go to a theater? Is it a sin to have a drink of wine? Those are things that people can become in bondage to, and if you've had a problem with one in the past, it might be the better part of wisdom to avoid it. But we can't legislate that someone else avoids our weaknesses or presume that they will take it to excess.

So, if you are saying that Christian liberty isn't license to sin, I'll agree with you. If you are saying that we need to add extra-biblical rules to keep carnal Christians from sinning, then I disagree. Rules aren't the answer to carnality, the Gospel is.

"Hannah"January 24, 2013

Oh, no, Grateful! Recovering Grace does not exist to tell you not to obey God or his commands! It exists to warn you of the danger of following Gothard's manmade commands and edicts!

Check out our statement of beliefs, and remember that is our core. Beyond that, people affected by the program are allowed to write in various different perspectives, some will reflect the core beliefs of RG, some will not. In those cases, it isn't gospel, if you'll pardon the term, just a writer being allowed to state their perspective.

Having good motives does not mean something is not abuse. So many of our parents wanted "the best" for us in ATI. Going back to the horse analogy, I might have good motives to make my horse behave, but if I don't understand what I am doing and am perpetuating an environment of fear and tension, then it is mental abuse to the horse.

If other Christians excuse truly sinful behavior by saying it is their "freedom" in Christ, then God will deal with them. That doesn't mean I have to be any less free or follow more rules because I am afraid I might go down the same road.

All Christians have been given the Holy Spirit to guide them. I am free from the worry and fear I was raised with because now I trust in God instead of man.

I've been away from the comments on my own post and I see I'm late to a lively discussion. A few points for catching up:

- Those pondering the meaning of "broken," may I really encourage you again to read my article at the link? (Since that's what brought it up in the first place, after all.) It's fairly short, but it goes over pretty much all the verses in Scripture that discuss brokenness. Hint: In only one of them is it a positive thing, and it might not be the one you might expect.

- For a biblical definition of what counts as "spiritual abuse," I'd start with Ezekiel 34 and Matthew 23. In both of these chapters the Lord expresses Himself very severely to religious leaders who oppress people in His name, and goes into detail about what this oppression looks like to Him. This is the vantage point we need to consider it from. Nobody (I hope!) says that this applies to all parental guidance, advice for living, pastoral care, etc. Rather, to reverse the adage, we're saying Usus non tollit abusum: Right use doesn't disprove the reality of ab-use.

- The first "motive" I'd consider in evaluating an alleged case of spiritual abuse is whether someone was trying to forcefully set themselves up as an Authority over someone else. If so, then no amount of other good intentions change the fact that authoritarianism is a misuse of spirituality. Jesus flat-out says not to do it, so it doubles (ironically) as a case of teaching that it's "unnecessary to follow certain edicts or commands in the Bible." Disobedience to this false authority might even be a necessary part of obedience to God's authority. See Godly Authority: A Flight to Topsyturvydom.

- I understand how talk about "Freedom" can seem alarming to those whose background is on the licentious end (rather than the legalistic one) of the moral spectrum. The fact is, however, that faith in Jesus sets us free from both the bondage of sin and the bondage of religious rules. Religious rules don't actually stop anyone from sinning. Indeed quite the opposite; Paul says "the strength of sin is the Law" (1 Cor. 15:56). Some of the most rebellious people I know are from some of the strictest families. Rules and Principles have no power to prevent sin; only the Holy Spirit does. False gods have to be abandoned on the way to finding the true one. I go into more detail on this in The Galatian Road.

Spiritual abuse or my own stupidity? That's what I keep wondering. I wasn't forced to follow Bill Gothard's teachings. My parents were reasonable. But I believed it was right, so I soaked it up like a sponge. I agreed with it, followed it, consented to it, even asked for it, and drank it all in. Like a poison, it nearly killed me. But now I look back and feel I can only blame myself for the mess I got myself in. I allowed it. I let it in. I even wanted it. And now I wish I hadn't. Is it abuse if you did it to yourself?

You "wanted it" but what did you want? Is it the case that you were attempting to get closer to God, even if your motives were not completely pure? I think of Jesus' words, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to." On one hand, we know that each individual has a responsibility to respond to God; we can't hide behind someone else's faults. And yet, Jesus said that the Pharisees were having the effect of locking people out of the kingdom - and who is it that is locked out of a door, but people who were trying to get in.

Perhaps a person will never solve the puzzle of what was my fault versus what was someone else's, but we can take a look at ourselves, see how we allowed ourselves to be set up, and then take steps to heal from the past and avoid it in the future.

Here's another thought - as you look around at others who also "drank the poison", how do you see them? As stupid people who deserve what they got? Sometimes people find they are harder on themselves than on others who experienced something similar.

Wow, that spiritual abuse chapter 4 really fit me, kind of heavy to take. That gives me a lot to think about. Thank you. I guess when I was a teenager going to seminars, I wanted God to be proud of me, and Bill Gothard had a plan for that. But now I am coming to God because I am so very needy. I hope that is the right motivation. I need Him to take away my shame and love me. I probably should be coming to Him because He is GOD and worthy, but really, I am coming to Him because of my need. And because I am so needy I am afraid that I am believing all this about God's grace in error. Someone has been explaining to me that I can have God's love and forgiveness ALL THE TIME because I am already IN CHRIST. I don't have to earn it. I just have to believe it and receive it. This sounds too good to be true and makes me nervous because I sound like one of those self-empowerment people who talk all the time about "just believing." And yet, when I do, it changes me. Is this sounding right to you? It's hard to know who to trust.

BeverlyBFebruary 5, 2013

S, That is so perfectly stated, "I am coming to God because I am so very needy." This is the reason for the Cross, the reason for our redemption--we ARE needy, and we can't measure up on our own. God doesn't despise us for being needy, but instead pours out His overwhelming love and compassion on us as we realize our neediness and come to Him to fill that need. Jesus himself said, "Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” (Mark 2:17) Jesus doesn't want us to "fake it 'til we make it" spiritually. He wants us to come to Him exactly as we are at the moment, allowing Him to minister to us and meet our needs physically, mentally, and emotionally. Because we are already in Christ, we do not need to fear any condemnation from Him for our weakness (Rom. 8:1). But probably the best encouragement I can offer you is Hebrews 4:15-16. I'd encourage you to think of this verse often whenever you doubt your acceptance by God and wonder if it really is "too good to be true"...

"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

MatthewSFebruary 5, 2013

That's really good, Bev. I had a whole comment typed up the other day that I lost before it got posted. I was going to say that we don't honor God by saying "I guess I might need you a little" but rather by saying "I'm dead meat without you - you are the only hope I've got!" Peter told Jesus he was going to stick around because Jesus was the only one he knew with words of eternal life. The man who had been healed from being blind wasn't even sure exactly who Jesus was. But nobody comes to God except he draws us to himself. And Jesus pulled them in, he didn't toss them aside. The bruised reed and the smoking flax - he isn't here to hurt them but to heal them.

I know our motives will always be mixed. I doubt we can ever have completely pure motives. But the reason we come to God in the first place is because he has already been drawing us. It only makes sense for us to seek him for life. And the issue isn't that we are too needy, it's that we don't realize how needy we truly are! But as Beverly pointed to above, in Christ there is no condemnation. He calls us his friends and he welcomes us to boldly approach the throne of grace. This doesn't mean impetuously, but boldly. The ticket to the throne room was not cheap and not to be taken lightly; rather it was expensive but it's paid for.

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