Do you know what I discovered since returning from Thanksgiving festivities? Fidel Castro died. I threw a party to celebrate. I was eleven years old when Castro seized control of Cuba “in the name of its people,” and, although the worst he ever did to me was instill a debilitating fear that the holes in my dirty underwear would be seen and mocked by my classmates while scampering under my school desk before the Soviet nuclear bombs roared out of Cuba and dropped on my head, he screwed up the lives of millions of his fellow Cubans something fierce, and they may never recover. While I appreciate the few moral decisions he managed to get right in his lifetime (backed Mandela and opposed Apartheid, and provided health care for his poorest people along with an education system for all Cubans—albeit, propaganda-laden), his horrific, murderous sins, lies, and torture earned him a primo place in Hell.

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Thinking about Castro—especially as various people have been soft pedaling his legacythis week—I am forced to think about despots in general. I tend to dwell on the things that obsess me—like despots and the damage they can cause—and when I obsess, I dream. The other night I dreamt that I couldn’t sleep because of all the crazy leaders since the beginning of time who have not treated their people with equity, respect, and dignity—who have royally screwed up their countries when they became the president, the king, or the despot. And in that dream, I thought of Trump, and then I thought of his Chief Strategist (Steve Bannon), and the more than the 800 reported racial incidents since the election, and I went in search of a White man to tell my sorrows to … but, alas alack, he was asleep—so I woke him up, anyway (in my dream, that is)—hoping that he would help me out.

Cartoon used by permission: Bob Englehart, Caglecartoons

[Leaning over my husband’s sleeping body, I tried to pry open one of eyelids.]

ME: Psst. Wake up! Are you asleep?

HIM: Yes.

ME: Are you sure you’re asleep?

HIM: Yes.

ME: Hum, would you like a little roll in the hay, old man?

HIM: Ah, yeah!

ME: So, you are awake.

HIM: You tricked me!

ME: Yes, I did. Because I need to see if you’re still my husband of 38 years, or if you’ve been snatched by a Trumpet spirit. I think something awful has been happening to a lot of the White people in our country, and I need to make sure you’re safe. Open your eyes so that I can see if there are any demons inside of you. Hum … You seem okay. Now that you’re awake, can I tell you what I need help with?

HIM: Do I have a choice?

ME: Of course not. Did you know that according to the Southern Poverty Law Center there have been over 900 reports of harassment or intimidation in every state except four in the past several weeks, and in most of the attacks, Trump’s name has been invoked? And our President-elect hasn’t done a damn thing about it. Trump can tweet about everything else at three a.m., but he has been very passive about this crap done in his name. One of the incidents that sent chills down my spine is the one I read in Ebony today. Listen to this:

“A White Massachusetts man received a letter warning him not to bring Black friends into the community from someone saying it has ‘zero tolerance for Black people’ and that ‘we have reclaimed our country back by selecting Trump.’ Another letter he received read: ‘We have just cleared the White House of niggers! Do not bring niggers in our neighborhood… We will kill them.”

ME: This shit is popping up all over the place—not just against Blacks, but against Muslims, Latinos, women, Asians, and Gays and Lesbians—all in Trump’s name! Right after the election, I saw a copy of an anonymous note left to a Muslim teacher that she better take off her head-wrap because it wasn’t allowed anymore now that Trump was President, and that she should “tie” it around her neck and “hang yourself with it.”

Cartoon used by permission: Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News

HIM: Well, I didn’t vote for Trump and neither did any of the White people we consider our friends. Why did you wake me up? I’m not guilty and neither are they. Also, you’re a smart person, and I know that you know that all White people who voted for Trump were not racially motivated.

ME: Of course, but I have a feeling that all the racists who voted did vote for Trump! His election seems to have given them a free “get-out-of-jail” pass. And how do we know that the White people who say they voted for Hillary did just that? What if there were millions of White people who were going to vote for Hillary, but once they got in the voting booth, they voted for Trump instead, which is why we’re in this mess? What if this is like The Invasion of the Body Snatchers? I’m beginning to be suspicious of every White person I meet—wondering if they are secretly going to say or do something racist to me. I passed some little ol’ shriveled-up, monkey-faced White lady in the grocery store the other day—she looked to be about eighty years old. When I smiled, she didn’t smile back at me—just kind of scowled at me. I got very suspicious and started to wonder (as I tasted the grapes to see which ones were sweet), whether she was a secret “Trumpet” who resented my very presence amongst the fruits and vegetables, which is why she was giving me the stink eye.

HIM: She probably was wondering whether she should call a manager to report the crazy lady on aisle two gorging on grapes she hadn’t paid for who was giving herthe evil eye. How many times have I told you that tasting grapes before you buy them to see if they are sweet is not kosher?

ME: And how many times have I told you that when grapes cost $6.00 a pound, they will not have the privilege of entering my grocery cart unless they can prove their sweetness value before I leave the grocery store—besides I only ate two (one green and one red). The grocery stores would help us all out if they simply put up signs that said: “Sweet grapes” or “Sour as Hell Grapes,” then a person would know which grapes to avoid. WAIT A MINUTE! Maybe that’s what we ought to do with all the American citizens if we want to let minorities and vulnerable people know where the safe spaces are—like we labeled the buildings during the Cold War to let our citizens know where we could take shelter when the bombs started droppng. Maybe we should all wear pins on our lapels that say “I Am My Brother’s Keeper—you’re Safe with Me,” or “Fuck You! Only White, Straight, and Christians Wanted Here—Go Back to Where You Came From.”

HIM: Oy—both those pins would have to be the size of sandwich boards with all that wording! But okay, I get it—I do. I’m concerned as well, but weren’t you one of the bloggers that said you’d pray for the new President and give him a chance?

ME:Yes, I said I’d pray for him to do the right thing. But he’s not doing the right thing. All this bad shit is happening to people caused by the rats that Trump’s rhetoric flushed out of the sewers (Alt-rightists, KKK, generic racists, xenophobes, and homophobes). In the meantime, we have a President-elect who has surrounded himself with some, at the very least, cynical actors and at the very worst, hardcore racists. All this while Trump retweets his “facts” from conspiracy websites which push fake news and foster lies as click-bate headlines. I saw an interview with Trump supporters the other day who were shown that something he had said and tweeted was a lie (“millions of votes had been cast by illegal aliens, or Trump would he would have won the popular vote”), and with the facts right in front of them, they still refused to believe that President-elect Trump had lied. Truth has now become what a person wants it to be.

Cartoon used by permission: Patrick Chappatte Le Temps Switzerland

HIM: Well, that’s just vile.

ME: Yes, it is, and if people don’t speak up, we are what Clive Irving calls, “silent complicity in that vileness.”

HIM: So what do you want me to do?

ME:Sound the alarm! (I secretly think all you White people know each other, anyway—just joking!) Tell White folks to stop being so gullible. I can almost feel them slipping into a somnolent state that things can’t possibly be as bad as the media say because Trump saved 1,000 Carrier jobs (they fail to note that he lost 2,000 Carrier jobs and gave Carrier a bribe of $7M in taxpayer money). Tell all the White people you know, and they should tell all the ones they know, and so on, to raise up armies of brotherly love. Be vigilant. If you care about the character of our country, start bombarding Trump’s website, Facebook, and Twitter accounts with demands for him to make a major prime-time speech against the racism being done in his name. When good White folks see racial, homophobic, or xenophobic incidents, they should intervene—not turn a blind eye. Film it, post it on Facebook, and shame the perpetrators—then come to the defense of your friends and neighbors being abused by letting them know that for every one person that is doing the hating, there are fifty people who won’t stand for that hatred. At the very least: tell White folks to SMILE at people who don’t look like them! It’s a human’s first signal to another that they are entering a “safe space.” Be as kind as possible to everyone you meet!

HIM: I’ll go you one better: why don’t we all (no matter what the creed, color, or race) make it a New Year’s resolution to become our brother’s keeper—no matter who we voted for. We can push back any darkness brought into existence by Trump if all good-hearted people (of which there are more of in America than haters) treat others like they wish to be treated and make a concerted effort to stand up to evil in their spheres of influence.

ME: Excellent suggestion! In the meantime, in the morning, I want you to take me to buy a gun.

HIM: WHAT!?!

ME: Since Trump’s election, gun ownership has gone up dramatically in Black communities because we are scared to death about Trump’s actions and inactions. We’ve seen this shit before—it’s called the Jim Crow Era. Next time I go into the fruits and veggies, I’m gonna be packin’ heat!

HIM: Oh, for God’s sake . . . I can see it now: Shoot out in aisle two—old Black Woman and Old White woman gun each other down in between the grapes and the kumquats because both perceived the other to be a threat. Go back to sleep, Woman. You had me at “we are our brother’s keeper,” and you lost me at “packin’ heat”!

Cartoon used by permission: Wolverton, Cagle Cartoons

***

ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (AHA MOMENT)

I am discovering that I am not going back to the way things were in the 50s when I could not live where I wanted, dine where I wanted, shop where I wanted, be educated where I wanted, or walk down a street without being harassed about being in the “wrong neighborhood.” Wherever I wish to live today is the right neighborhood for me.

I am sure that my gay brothers and sisters will not go back into the closet, and my Muslim and Latino friends will not return to a land where they may have been born but left to enjoy the freedom of living in America.

In case you haven’t noticed, what is happening in America is happening all over the Western world: a brand of right-wing nationalism with all its racist tentacles is popping up in every election. All righteous Americans need to fight this with every breath in our bodies or we will cease to be an exceptional nation—a shining city on a hill—we will be a footnote in the history books detailing the destruction a despotic leader can do to a country when its citizens engage in groupthink due to fake news, post truths, and cold hearts.

“Today we know that World War II began not in 1939 or 1941 but in the 1920’s and 1930’s when those who should have known better persuaded themselves that they were not their brother’s keeper.”—Hubert H. Humphrey

***

“Because deceit was one of Fidel Castro’s greatest talents, and gullibility is one of the world’s greatest frailties. A genius at myth-making, Castro relied on the human thirst for myths and heroes. His lies were beautiful, and so appealing.”—Carlos Eire, an author and the T.L. Riggs Professor of History and Religious Studies at Yale University

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do you know what I discovered this morning?It’s been three days since the election, and I woke up in my bed (very hung over), looked out the window, and discovered I had not moved to Canada as I swore I would if Donald Trump got elected. I thought about it—I really did. My realtor even offered me a third more than what we had paid for our new retirement home last year, but . . .

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

After seeing the light of day, I thought, “I can’t move to Canada—I hate snow, hockey, and bears! Besides, this is my home—this is my country too, goddamnit!” The United States of America is where my family has lived since one half of my ancestors were owned by the Wimbish slaveholders in Hayfield, Virginia (the slave owner’s house is still there and intact), and the other half of my ancestors were forced to march as Cherokee Indians on the “Trail of Tears” from their homes in Georgia to reservations in Oklahoma killing one out of every four of them. “IT IS TIME TO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS AND KICK SOME ASS,” I said to myself. “Why should I move because half of my country pulled a fast one on me? Oh hell to the no! I ain’t ‘fraid of no Trump. I’ve survived poverty, rape, mayhem, injustice, attempted murder, and mental illness. I will definitely survive President-Elect Trump!” (Although, I have to admit, I’m not as young as I used to be, and I had planned on playing Mahjong and sipping wine coolers all the rest of my days, but it looks as if God has other plans.)

Cartoon used by permission: Osmani Simanca, A Tarde, Brazil

WTF, I never thought it would be easier to elect a Black man to be President than it would be to elect an over-qualified White woman vs. an incompetent, self-proclaimed pussy grabber in our country. I thought we were far enough into the grownup spectrum, that despite her obvious flaws, we were mature enough not to make false equivalencies (Although, here’s a tip Hillary: Always humbly tell on yourself first before others steal your narrative and put their own shitty spin on it). But I think I’m beginning to see that misogyny trumps racism, and we’re not as sophisticated and modern as we think we are.

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune, Missouri

But the dude won fair and square, along with a little help from Putin, WikiLeaks, the KKK, and some dicks (Weiner’s dick pics, Bill Clinton’s reoccurring dick stories, and a dick of an FBI Director). Donald Trump is now my president, and I will heed the example of the classy, magnanimous, high road of President Obama to “do everything we can to help you succeed because if you succeed, then the country succeeds.” As part of my plan to help President-Elect Trump to succeed, I have written an open letter to him and some of the peeps who put him into office on behalf of the innocents who will be most affected by Trumps presidency if it goes off the rails.

OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT-ELECT TRUMP

Dear President-Elect Trump:

Congratulations on your historical win of the White House. As much as you fought long and hard against Hillary, I fought long and hard against you. But I’m writing to let you know that now that you’ve grabbed hold of the pussy, I mean the brass ring (sorry, old habit), I am here to do for you what I did for President Obama. I am a prayer warrior. I believe in the power of prayer (don’t let my language fool you, Baby, God hears my prayers—oh yes, he does!). I, along with thousands of others, prayed morning, noon, and night for the success of our current President in spite of all his haters. I daily prayed for grace, wisdom, courage, humility, perspective, and the ability to dodge the assassin’s bullet. You notice he’s still alive in spite of an unprecedented 30 death threats a day, and I saw on your face a momentary look of unabashed humility and wonderment when you were confronted with Barack Hussein Obama’s humility, grace, and magnanimity in your meeting with him in the Oval Office. (Could you, Mr. President-Elect, have done what Obama did for you if you were handing over the keys to the kingdom to a man who viscerally hated you and had tried to delegitimize your presidency by being the face of the Birther Movement? That, Sir, is the power of prayer.)

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune

I suspect you thought you’d be back on one of your golf coursesat this point and getting ready to start a TV news channel—richer than ever. I don’t think you ever thought you’d end up in the White House. You couldn’t have or you wouldn’t have done what you did: awakened the dark side of our country’s nature (the sewer rats of racism, misogyny, xenophobia)—resurrecting racial politics we once thought were dead. But you have a chance to rise above your carnival barker antics of the campaign trail and do the right thing for all of the people groups in our nation whose lives you have so negatively affected by your rhetoric. I’m going to pray that you will keep your promise to be the “president to all Americans,” and that you start by speaking to the fears of Muslim-Americans, women, African-Americans, Latinos, and the LGBT community who have been randomly and outrageously attacked in your name since the election. You can start by shunning the KKK who will be holding a rally in your honor because, as the White nationalist former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke tweeted on the night of your election: “One of the most exciting nights of my life. Make no mistake about it, our people have played a HUGE role in electing Trump.” (You see why one half of the nation is peeing their pants and calling the suicide hotlines?) I am going to pray that you shock the hell out of all the nefarious people you’ve surrounded yourself with who are betting you won’t have the attention span to run our country properly so that they will be able to ram through their agendas which will push our nation backwards by a hundred years. I am hoping you will do a little Apprentice, “You’re Fired!” on a couple of their hateful asses once you truly realize what’s going down.

Finally, I am going to pray that you sprain your Twitter fingers, and that they stay sprained until the end of your reign. But most of all, I am going to pray that God will give you a heart of love for ALL of the people in our great nation, and that God’s will be done while you are President. God bless you Mr. President-Elect, and may God bless these United States of America.

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

***

OPEN LETTER TO THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T VOTE, ANGRY WHITE MEN, CHRISTIANS FOR TRUMP

Dear 47.9% Americans Who Didn’t Vote:

You are dead to me! And I better not hear you complain or protest about one goddamn thing that you don’t like coming out of Trump’s presidency. (I’m talking to you NFL “star” Colin Kaepernick!) I read today that you just announced that you didn’t vote. Fuck me! So you think you’re all that and a bag of chips because you’re making a statement that “Black Lives Matter” by sitting out our National Anthem, but then our lives don’t matter enough for you to get off of your bougie ass to vote? Oh, hell to the no! I leave you and all the rest of your 47.9% lowlifes with a Martin Luther King quote that will remind you of the blood that was spilled to give African-Americans the right to vote, along with every other disenfranchised group in America, and I hope it breaks your heart (oh, and get off your bended knee, child, because your goddamn protest doesn’t mean shit):

“So long as I do not firmly and irrevocably possess the right to vote I do not possess myself. I cannot make up my mind — it is made up for me. I cannot live as a democratic citizen, observing the laws I have helped to enact — I can only submit to the edict of others.”

Dear Angry White Men:

I am angry too! I am angry that you think you’ve found a savior who will give you back everything you’ve lost, think you deserve, and wish you had, even though he seems to have no moral center. I don’t want your lives to be decimated any more than I want the lives of nonwhites to be destroyed, and I am pissed that the Democrats (and Hillary) ignored your legitimate pain. I understand that Trump spoke to your pain. I know you voted for Trump because he told you he’d shake things up in Washington and that he’d make your lives great again. But I can’t imagine the anger you’re going to feel when you discover that the messiah you elected doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the working man or your joblessness, your shuttered towns, or the heroin epidemic that is consuming your children (he goes to work in a helicopter or a limo, his kids all went and go to private schools, and he upgrades the model of his wives when their tits droop). Here’s the thing: Mexicans didn’t steal your jobs—corporate greed and technology stole your jobs. Turn your anger on the candidate you just elected—not on people who don’t look like you. Trump promised to bring jobs back to your towns again, therefore, it is your responsibility to hold him to it. Tell him that he can start by bringing the factories for his businesses back from China, Bangladesh, Honduras and Vietnam, India, South Korea, Mexico, and Slovenia* and put them into your towns and areas that lost factories. Then I would join hands with all the other people (regardless of their race, creed, or color) who are suffering as you are to hold President Trump’s feet to the fire by forcing him to make other companies bring a percentage of their manufacturing jobs back to America.

Finally, put down the guns—this is not the 1800s. What if all the nonwhites in America took up arms in response to the fear you generate with your guns? If we marry our anger with our lust for power and control to the bridegroom of guns, every day will be a shoot-out at the O.K. Coral, and we’re all going to destroy each other.

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Dear Right-Wing Christians and The World that is watching you:

Oy! Oy! Oy! What have you wrought, my brothers and sisters in Christ? I hear you crowing in ecstasy on social media at the win of Trump as if Jesus, Himself, had returned (“Take that, you liberal jerks—Trump is anointed by God, and he will save Christianity from you Babylonian whores!”). And I know you don’t and won’t hear the warnings I’m sending you in this note. But Christians for Trump, you just screwed the pooch! You are not only on the wrong side of history, but you are on the wrong side of God’s love. And you know what? I think that this is not the victory you think it is—this is a test as it has been on so many other historical occasions when Christians were supposed to rise up to meet the challenge of love, respect, and grace but sank into the gutter by prostituting themselves to power and greed. Well, I’m praying for the Christian church like crazy, because when you realize what you have unleashed upon the world, and that you’ve been played “in the name of Jesus,” the cost to your souls will be incalculable. Have you heard about the 200+ hate crimes that have happened across the nation since the election of Trump? Are you hearing the cries of the Muslim, Latino, LGBT, and African-American children who are afraid to go to school because they are being tormented because their tormentors feel they have a champion in the White House for their bigotry? I’m praying that these stories break your heart, and if you’re really pro-life—if you really love Jesus—you’ll mobilize with the rest of us to protect the lives of all those peeps whom Jesus loves, and you will confront your man in the White House to use his power to protect their lives and wellbeing.

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune

***

I am discovering that this is the scariest place America has been in since the 60s. I thought we were so much better than this. I believed we were exceptional because of our diversity and our ability to be united. I am demoralized by what I’ve seen come out of the election of Trump, and the only thing that helps me face this new, dark era is my trust in God. I meant what I wrote to President-Elect Trump: I will be praying for him like crazy that he will do the right thing. But I will also figure out how I can use my sphere of influence, my finances, and my time to mobilize others to push back the darkness the Trump campaign and election have unleashed. I hope all those who have a heart will do the same.

May God have mercy on these United States of America.

Cartoon used by permission: Bill Day Cagle Cartoons

***

VISIONARY QUOTES ABOUT THE “COMMON GOOD” FOR THE TOUGH ROAD AHEAD

(COMMON GOOD: Actions taken within a family, a group, a society, or a country for the benefit of all its inhabitants.)

“Patriotism is love of country. But you can’t love your country without loving your countrymen and countrywomen. We don’t always have to agree, but we must empower each other, we must find the common ground, we must build bridges across our differences to pursue the common good.”—Cory Booker

“I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for all Americans [emphasis=blogger], and this is so important to me. For those who have chosen not to support me in the past, of which there were a few people, I’m reaching out to you for your guidance and your help so that we can work together and unify our great country.”—President-Elect, Donald Trump Victory Speech

“Here’s some guidance right off the bat, Mr. President-elect: Those sentiments will have more force if you immediately and unequivocally repudiate the outpouring of racist, sexist, xenophobic, anti-Semitic and homophobic insults, threats and attacks being associated with your name. Do this in a personal plea to people who supported your candidacy [emphasis=blogger]. Tell them this is not what you stand for, nor is it what your new administration will tolerate.”—NYTimes Editorial/”Denounce the Hate, Mr. Trump

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I was dreading the third debate, but by the end of it, I was popping the champagne cork. There were at least four statements The Donald made that pretty much let me know that he was going to be toast regarding winning the presidency:

“What I am saying is that I will tell you at the time. I will keep you in suspense” (When asked by the moderator of 3rd debate if Trump would honor election results if he didn’t win—this is not how we do it in America, maybe in Russia, but not in America).

“Should have gotten it” (Trump’s petulant response to Hillary Clinton’s well-crafted trap that The Donald thinks everything is rigged when he loses, including the Emmys—“The Apprentice” lost out to “The Amazing Race” that year).

“Such a nasty woman” (Trump’s euphemism for ‘bitch’).

“Nobody has more respect for women than me” (as 10th woman accuser comes out against Trump and the debate audience bursts into laughter).

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

For those of my readers who have followed me for a long time, you know that I have been near suicidal that many Evangelical Christians (of which I am one) have thrown their political weight behind Donald Trump, regardless of what he stands for and what he believes. And here’s the deal: Trump can’t win with just the percentage of angry White men who support him, but he could win if all of the conservative Evangelical Christians vote for him. This has kept me awake at night and caused me great weeping and gnashing of teeth at how people who should know better are not doing what Jesus would do but are selling their souls to the Devil faster than you can say, “Such a nasty woman.”

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis, Star Tribune

But something has begun to happen. My prayers are being heard (thank you, Sweet Jesus). A group of Liberty University students (one of the strictest Christian Universities in America where the Chancellor is one of Trump’s strongest and earliest supporters) have collected 2,500 signatures against Trump: “Liberty United against Trump.” But what’s even more exhilarating is that over 700 Evangelical Christian women leaders have come out against Trump and the Christian men who support him. They signed a letter organized by Faith in Public Life. They’ve joined the “Nasty Woman” club (any woman who calls out a man for his lies or egregious behavior is often labeled “nasty” [a.k.a. “bitch”] by men who can’t control them—especially if they do so without apology—therefore I dub these courageous woman part of the Nasty Women Club).

“As a Christian: Over and over and over again, I have witnessed a cycle of male leaders being easily forgiven for sexual indiscretion, misconduct, and assault, and I have had enough. Men are caught, men say they apologize, and then other Christian leaders exhort the rest of us, especially women, to forgive and continue to trust the man in power because he apologized. I’m done with this message. The Christian message of forgiveness should no longer be co-opted to maintain men in places of power, especially not the office of the President of the United States. It is time that Christians begin speaking about the humanity and dignity of women, and of everyone. Christians are not here to teach the violated to forgive; we are here to stand with the downtrodden. That is what Jesus did.”

“We cannot stand by and allow the Jerry Falwells and James Dobsons of the world claim to speak for God regarding Trump and sexism … When this election is over — and Hillary Clinton is the nation’s first female president, I hope that we will finally get beyond the idea of ‘Christian women leaders’ being some special subset of Christian community. Women are the majority of Christians around the world — we are the heartbeat of living faith. The media spends too much time covering male leaders — and then a small subset of authoritarian conservative men — as if they are the voice of the church. They are not. Women are. All the women. . .”

Diana Butler Bass, Author and Historian

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

***

“I am an African American, a Christian woman, a clergy person, I have a passionate vision for a world free of bias, discrimination, and hatred. I sign my name in honor of the God who called me into ministry, and in honor of my mentor, a Palestinian Jewish Rabbi we have come to call Jesus. I sign my name because men AND women are created in God’s image, and all human beings are fearfully and wonderfully made. I sign my name to insist on just treatment for every person. My faith demands it. And our nation requires it.”

“It seems that in this election we are forced to say what should be obvious: Jesus would never be on the side of the sexual predator. Many of us feel betrayed by the Christian leaders who continue to endorse this candidate, realizing that for those prominent Christian men, women are less important than partisan politics, and the assault of women by powerful, predatory men is worth little more than a shrug. This Christian pastor will stand for the dignity, respect, and equality of women – because it’s the right thing to do, and because it is exactly what Jesus did.”

– Rev. Karlene Clark, Wesley United Methodist Church

***

ELEANOR’S SELAH (“AHA”) MOMENT

I am discovering that if you want hope regarding this election you just need to read the link listed with a [1] in the references below from the Huffington Post. These Evangelical woman are awesome and they, along with all the other groups Trump has insulted in America, will be cheering our first female president on November 9th. And the election will not have been rigged—an asshole will have been rejected and kicked to the curb by a whole lot of “nasty women” who decided they just couldn’t take it anymore.

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

***

QUOTES REGARDING THE WEIGHTINESS OF WORDS

“(Pat) Robertson (Christian Grand Poohbah) has emerged as one of Trump’s most stalwart defenders on the Religious Right, claiming that the business mogul is facing satanic attacks and dismissing the tape of Trump bragging about sexually assaulting women as simply “macho” talk.”—Brian Tashman/Right Wing Watch

“I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it, you can do anything … grab them by the pussy” (speaking of his perks as a celebrity).—Donald Trump to Billy Bush/Access Hollywood

“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”—Luke 6:45/Holy Bible

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do you know what I discovered last night following the second debate? I can’t stop vomiting, and I am at a loss for words. The “hate theater,” a term coined by Margaret Sullivan for the parade of women from Bill Clinton’s past whom Donald Trump sprang on the Presidential debate, made me sick to my stomach. (Apparently, Trump and team had planned to put the women in the VIP box so that Bill Clinton would have to bump into them to get to his VIP seat, and so that they would be directly in Hillary’s sightline so as to unnerve her and cause her to lose the debate. The dastardly deed was discovered, and the plan was thwarted.) It was wrong and it was a new low in our Presidential politics. Besides, it was Trump’s way of trying to cover up his own egregious sins. Normally, I would try to come up with something humorous or pithy about the week, but children, I’ve got nothing because I think I just watched our republic die Sunday night, aided and abetted by the Religious Right—especially the men over fifty years old.**

CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

That’s right, my Delightful Readers, according to the latest Washington Post-ABC News poll, 71 percent of white evangelical voters said they would vote for Trump if the election were held today even though he’s a racist, a xenophobe, a mocker of the disabled, a tax evader, and an adulterer, and now he seems to think its cool TO ASSAULT WOMEN. We’ve all heard the infamous open-mic chatter of Donald Trump’s workplace vulgarity (he claims it was locker room humor, but he was at work, getting ready to tape a show), but it bears repeating for the sake of removing the scales of deception from the eyes of those who refuse to see:

ACCESS HOLLYWOOD’S TAPE OF TRUMP’S “HONORING. RESPECTFUL WORDS” ABOUT WOMEN MADE RIGHT ABOUT THE TIME HE MARRIED HIS THIRD WIFE (POOR MELANIA, SHE MUST FEEL SO GREAT ABOUT HER MARRIAGE RIGHT ABOUT NOW)

“I moved on her, and I failed. I’ll admit it,”

“I did try and fuck her. She was married,” Trump says.

“And I moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping. She wanted to get some furniture. I said, ‘I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.’”

“I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.”

(AS TRUMP AND SIDE KICK, BILLY BUSH [CAN YOU BELIEVE HE IS A BUSH RELATIVE?] APPROACH AN UNSUSPECTING WOMAN GREETER, THE MAN WHO WISHES TO BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT CONTINUES…)

“I’ve got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.”

JERRY, FALWELL, JR. (President of the nation’s largest Christian university and one of the first Christian leaders to support Donald Trump): “In my opinion, Donald Trump lives a life of loving and helping others as Jesus taught in the great commandment.”

JAMES DOBSON (Christian psychologist and founder of Focus on the Family) about Donald Trump: “I am endorsing Donald J. … I am also very enthusiastic by the selection of Gov. Mike Pence as Mr. Trump’s running mate. Together, I believe they will make America great again.”

RALPH REED (Head of Faith & Freedom Coalition) regarding Donald Trump’s “pussy grab”: “People of faith are voting on issues like who will protect unborn life, defund Planned Parenthood, defend religious liberty and oppose the Iran nuclear deal. A ten-year-old tape of a private conversation with a talk show host ranks low on their hierarchy of concerns.”

CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

WAIT, WHAT? THIS JUST IN?HOT OFF THE PRESSES! Christian women, especially those who have survived sexual abuse and women under forty years old, are beginning to peel away from The Donald, led by none other than the female American evangelist, Beth Moore (author and founder of Living Proof Ministries):

“I’m one among many women sexually abused, misused, stared down, heckled, talked naughty to. Like we liked it. We didn’t. We’re tired of it,” Moore said. She also had a word about evangelical leaders still supporting Trump: “Try to absorb how acceptable the disesteem and objectifying of women has been when some Christian leaders don’t think it’s that big a deal.”—Joshua Dubois/The Daily Beast (see full article listed under references—it is worth the read)*

All righty, now! Okay, Christian men who are voting for Trump and are supporting him, no matter what. You men who have wives, daughters, sisters, and mothers: where are your fucking balls? You better find them, because if the Donald has his way, he’s coming for their “pussies,” unless they aren’t a “10” in his eyes, then he’ll just insult them by calling them “slobs, dogs, and ugly, fat pigs.” Rise up, oh men of God, and do the right thing!

CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

***

ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (AHA MOMENT)

I am discovering “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,” but when a person truly repents of their sins, which one of us who live in glass houses has a right to throw past sins in the face of the x-sinner’s spouse just to score political points or to try and win a debate? I’ll let you decide, Dear Reader, which one of these men is someone who might be the better person in spite of his egregious past choices.

BILL CLINTON’S PUBLIC REPENTENCE 18 YEARS AGO: “I don’t think there’s a fancy way to say that I have sinned. It is important to me that everyone who has been hurt know that the sorrow I feel is genuine — first and most important, my family, my friends, my staff, my cabinet, Monica Lewinsky and her family, and the American people. I have asked all for their forgiveness.

“To be forgiven, more than sorrow is required, at least two more things. First, genuine repentance, a determination to change and to repair breaches of my own making. I have repented.

“Second, what my Bible calls a broken spirit, an understanding that I must have God’s help to be the person that I want to be, a willingness to give the very forgiveness I seek, a renunciation of the pride and the anger which cloud judgment, lead people to excuse and compare and to blame and complain.”

DONALD TRUMP’S IDEA OF REPENTENCE TODAY: “Why do I have to repent, why do I have to ask for forgiveness if [I’m] not making mistakes?” [And since The Donald never admits he’s wrong, he never has to ask forgiveness.]

CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: Taylor Jones, Politicalcartoons.com

***

THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUOTES

“Character is what you do when nobody’s looking. And this video captures Trump in the middle of day, sober, a few months after being married, talking with a man he barely knows, bragging about sexual assault, while wearing a microphone. This is, apparently, the real Donald Trump …”—John Avlon/Daily Beast

“Trump-loving evangelical leaders should either apologize to Bill Clinton or admit, after all these years, that they, too, have a character issue.”—Jonathan Merritt

“Donald Trump knows he won’t be president. He’s now in full carnival-barking, network-launching, party-nuking mode — a scowling, pouting menace who threatened during a nationally televised debate to throw Hillary Clinton in jail and called her husband the most sexually abusive man in political history.”—REVIEW OF THE SECOND DEBATE/Ron Fournier, writer for The Atlantic

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do you know what I discovered this week? Not only do all dogs go to heaven, but they can talk, too (at least I think they can or I may be hearing things). Not only do all dogs go to heaven but they are watching us (I mean, they just might be or I may be paranoid). How do I know this? I think I got a 911 message from my grand-dog, Wednesday Addams—a shorkie (cross between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Shih Tzu) who is 11 years old (77 in human years)—who said she needed to talk to me ASAP about the poopy stuff that’s been going down in the country before she bites the dust, which apparently she almost did. Said she’d watched the debate between Hillary and Trump and wanted to weigh in with the animal perspective. I mean I think my grand-dog said that, but it might have been all the booze I drank to dull the terror I felt every time that delusional, sexist, racist, Putin-ass-kissing, non-taxpaying liar who wants to move into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave and declare himself “King of the World!” opened his mouth at the debate the other night.

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

I’m sure the copious alcohol, the stress from imagining delusional people believing all the lies of a delusional presidential candidate, mixed with the dog food commercial I saw right before I fell asleep must have had something to do with the fact that I had a political conversation with a dog. In any case, it was very informative. In my dream, Wednesday Addams sent me a selfie that she turned into a meme with a 911 message that said: “Saw the debate: What the fuck?! Call me, Mema. We need to talk—now!”

WEDNESDAY: Hey Mema. At the doggy emergency room. Doc said I’m a “victim of Trump-induced hysteria.” Apparently, there is a lot of it going around amongst humans, but this is the first case he’s seen in the animal kingdom.

ME: Wow, but it looks as if you’re really messed up, Baby. What happened to your foot? What’s that crap on your head?

WEDNESDAY: Well, what had happened was, I was watchin’ the debates and every time Trump told a lie or didn’t own up to his racist shit I shook my head back and forth in denial like a crazed Muppet and kicked the TV stand because I couldn’t believe there would be people delusional enough to believe him.

ME: Well, Sweetie, if the debates disturbed you that much, why didn’t you just turn them off?

WEDNESDAY: I did. I had my mommy turn on “Empire” that I’d saved on the DVR (you know that’s my favorite Black people show, that and “Scandal”), but in the first five minutes, Boo-Boo-Kitty killed Rhonda! I almost had a heart attack. So I kicked the TV stand again! I was so pissed that I had your daughter turn off “Empire” and read me the latest People magazine. You know what your daughter had the nerve to tell me? She said that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were breaking up. WTF? How will I go on now? Is this the end of true love?

Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kemensky, Slovakia

ME: Let me guess: you kicked the TV stand again in anger?

WEDNESDAY: No, this time I kicked my Mommy, and I said: “Bitch, you better check yourself—don’t you be hatin’ on my Brangelina sweeties!”

ME: Oh sweet Jesus! Let me guess, I’m thinking that didn’t go over very well? Is that why your neck’s in a giant ice cream cone? Did she try to wring it?

WEDNESDAY: No . . . My mommy would never hurt me. She just grounded me for life, that’s all. The vet put this shit on my head to keep me from pulling off this nasty-ass boot because my toe is all busted up. I hate this thing—it is ugly as hell. Doesn’t match any of my outfits.

ME: Well, cheer up, My Love. Since you’re almost 77 years old in human years, you won’t be grounded that long ‘cause your ass will be singing with Jesus before too much longer.

WEDNESDAY: Ahhhh—now why you wanna go say something like that?

ME:Just kiddin’—just a little gallows humor to cheer you up. Besides, you needn’t be so dramatic about all this. As for the storyline in “Empire,” you knew from the cliff hanger from last season that it was either going to be Boo-Boo-Kitty who bit the dust or Rhonda, and since Boo-Boo-Kitty was pregnant with a Lion heir, Rhonda had to go. You should have seen the handwriting on the wall with Brad and Angelina because she stole him from Jennifer Aniston when Brad was married to her. Baby, karma is a bitch. Karma may not get back at you immediately, but it will pay you back inevitably. Now as to Trump, well, Wednesday Addams, you need not worry because Hillary kicked his ass down into Hell and back again. My favorite moment in the debate was when he continued his two-week long rag on her that she lacked stamina as he appeared to slump into the podium, sniffle like a snot-nosed kid, and constantly drink water—all the while looking like a stuck pig. In the meantime, our girl Hillary outpaced him a hundred to one and stood cool, calm, and collected. Yeah Baby, talk about karma.

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

WEDNESDAY: That’s what Mommy said, but I’ve been hearing on the news today that people are still going to vote for him. What is wrong with those people? What if The Donald does get elected? From the way he feels about women (calling them “pigs, slobs, and dogs”), the way he tortured the President with racist Birther lies which he still won’t say he’s sorry for, I can’t imagine how he must feel about “moi” if he has so little regard for humans. And the worst part is what he did to Alicia Machado, the former Miss Universe that he called “Miss Piggy” because she gained a few pounds—humiliated her, he did. Fat Donnie even called Ms. Machado “Miss Housekeeping.” She is a Latina for God’s sake! Even I know that is a racist thing to say—like calling me a son of a bitch because the stereotype is that dog’s have no parents. I had two parents, thank you very much!! How many feet do I have to bust up before someone takes note that I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore!

ME: Well, I can tell that someone’s been watching the movie “Network” during her convalescence. Listen Dog, Trump is delusional if he thinks he’s got the goods to be the President of our great nation. He proved during the first debate with Hillary he does not. And even though his staunch basket of deplorables will never leave him (even Hitler had his loyal basket), others saw “an emperor” at the debate “without any clothes” who seemingly boasted that not paying his taxes was smart business, and that he rooted for the housing market crash in 2012 so that he could make money because that was good for his bottom line. Enough good people heard him to make a difference. People who work hard every day and have always paid their taxes were horrified, people who lost their homes during the housing crash were disgusted and angry, and women who know how they should be treated and valued were mortified, and it goes without saying that most women would rather die than let a misogynistic, racist, greedy Trumpee be our President and a role model for our children. These people may not like Hillary, but they are smart enough to realize that Trump will be the beginning of an awful end. In the meantime, doggy-o-mine, stop kicking the furniture and go tell your mommy and her friends to vote for Hillary!

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (“AHA”) MOMENT

I am discovering that I am not as confident as I make myself out to be when I’m chatting with my grand-dog in my dreams. I must confess that it causes me a great deal of concern that we, as Americans, seem to be so delusional as a people (“a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary” according to Webster’s) that Trump is within striking distance of Hillary in the race for the White House.

At the writing of this post, it is 41 days, 3 hours, 40 minutes, and 5 seconds until Election Day, and we stand at a critical point in American history. ATTENTION ALL WHO HAVE EARS TO HEAR: This is not a drill. This is real life. Donald Trump showed himself to be an ignorant, petulant bully who cannot control his tweet finger. I’m sure that most of the Germans who voted for Hitler were very, very sorry as they stood on the rubble of the scorched Earth at the end of WWII, but it was too little, too late. Not voting is not an option in 41 days. (Also, IMHO using your vote as a “protest vote” is cute in an alternate universe, but could get skanky pants elected by robbing the legitimate, qualified candidate of the necessary votes and leave you sobbing in your cups like the Brexit voters did a few months ago.)

In the meantime, I’m going to go now and find a good therapist, because the stress of wondering what the outcome really will be with all the delusion that is fogging the air is driving me to drink.

Cartoon used by permission: Mike Keefe Cagle Cartoons

***

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES ABOUT DELUSION

“Victims of Trump-induced anxiety describe nightmares, insomnia, digestive problems, and headaches. Therapists find themselves helping their patients through a process that feels less like an election than a national nervous breakdown.”—Michelle Goldberg/Slate (What women really think about news, politics, and culture)

“There’s always an element of self-delusion among people who believe they ought to be President. There’s an underestimation of your opponent and an overestimation of your own abilities. This is compatible with being rich and powerful, the idea that we were blessed by God because we deserve to be blessed.”—Jimmy Carter

“If the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton revealed anything, it is that she has passed the presidential test — and he hasn’t. Clinton was calm and in command. With a smile on her face, she made the case against Trump on all the hot-button issues: his refusal to reveal his taxes, his advocacy of birtherism, his racism, his sexism and many others. She showed mastery of her brief.”—Max Boot, USA Today, Trump Showed He’s No Commander in Chief

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do you know what I discovered at the beginning of the week? Hillary Clinton had died! OH MY GOD! Do you know how I found out? The Media told me so—from all over the Internet to Britain and back to the U.S.

“IS HILLARY DEAD? Sick Hillary Clinton death rumors sweep the internet as conspiracy theorists claim wannabe president DIED in hospital after 9/11 memorial collapse.”—The Sun/daily tabloid newspaper published in the United Kingdom and Ireland

Oy! I fainted right there on the spot after getting the news. It’s not that I’m in the tank for Hillary, it’s just that I will need to find a new country if Trump becomes President. Shoot, I just got used to living in America as it is, and now I’m going to have to find another country to park my chubby ass? But then I remembered that I’m no fool, and the Media on both sides of the aisle have lost their sexist, freakin’ minds when it comes to the potential of Hillary Clinton becoming our first woman President. I remembered how I need to weigh everything I read, see, and hear with a grain of salt or else I’ll be collecting moving boxes and changing my mailing address for nothing. And then, PRAISE JESUS! I read that Hillary only has walking pneumonia, which is why she fainted. Why didn’t she just come right out and tell us she had pneumonia when she was first diagnosed instead of waiting and practically giving me a heart attack?

But wait! Then I read that the person who appeared back on the campaign trail today is NOT HILLARY, she is a body-double, according to all the Alt-right media outlets. Oh no, wait a New York minute: another Alt-Right website says that Hillary is alive, but she has Parkinson’s disease, suffers from seizures, has AIDS from a now defunct affair with someone still TBD, and elephantiasis in the legs and thighs which is why she always wears pantsuits.

Hum, it seems like Hillary could have nipped this conspiracy shit in the bud, if she’d simply announced from the beginning that she had pneumonia and was going to take a couple days off. I could have told her that if she kept going, she’d bite the dust because it has happened to me—twice. She should have just fessed up. How is she going to handle these little speed bumps when she’s the President? Nothing disperses the lies of darkness like the light of truth.

Cartoons used by permission: Bob Englehart, CagleCartoons.com

Trump is far, far worse. I’m still in a state of shock that we, as Americans, can’t see through this con man. He’s working the long con and at least half of us are swallowing it hook, line, and sinker. After months of raging against Hillary to come clean about her health from all he’d learned about it on the Alt-Right conspiracy “news” sites, Humpty-Trumpty finally released an overview of his own health on “Dr. Con’s” (oops! I meant Dr. Oz’s) TV reality show by answering questions “Dr. Con” presented without actually doing blood and urine work on the dude. From what I can ascertain, Trump is addicted to junk food, has cholesterol issues (all that Kentucky Fried Chicken, I suspect), does not exercise (No?! You mean one doesn’t get that Trump fat ass and girdled belly from jogging?), has the “normal ailments of a 70-year-old man” (does that include erectile dysfunction from a tiny dick the size of his fingers?), and he says he needs to lose a “little weight” (says he’s 236 pounds . . . if that chub-a-lub is 236 pounds, I’m a size 4 and look like Kate Hudson). Yet, “his health is excellent, especially his mental health,” and Trump’s lab results were “astonishingly excellent”—so says his decades-long gastroenterologist, Dr. Harold Bornstein. (Speaking of being transparent, I thought a gastroenterologist was an intestine, gut, and colonoscopy doctor, not an internist or a general practitioner. No wonder Humpty-Trumpty had to get a second opinion from “America’s doctor”—the one that Congress racked over the coals for his less than transparent “miracle diet pills,” that don’t work. I know because I tried them, and my fat ass is still a size 16!

Cartoons used by permission: Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

DOESN’T ANYBODY TELL THE TRUTH ANYMORE? As I was thinking about this election, how both candidates’ trustworthy numbers are in the toilet, and how Trump is the most opaque, duplicitous candidate that has ever run for President (he still refuses to release his tax returns), I thought if I ran for the Presidency, I wouldn’t tell the American voters anything either. Why? Because we don’t seem to care. Our candidates are not the problem—we are! Think about it. We stopped living a self-examined life a long time ago which is why it is so difficult to demand it of our candidates. First of all, we would all have to agree on the definition of transparency, but I don’t think we do.

What is the definition of transparency according to Merriam-Webster?

Able to be seen through

Easy to notice or understand

Honest and open—not secretive

Then we would have to agree on what defines those less-than desirable—some would say, “deplorable” splotches of darkness that live within us. I’ve known people (who claimed to be Jesus lovers and walking the talk) who would fly into a rage and threaten to burn me at the stake if I even hinted that they might be a “tiny bit” racist, or xenophobic, or anti-Semitic, and yet, before I could get the words of repentance out of my mouth for misjudging them, they’d slip and tell me how they were off to a business trip to Dubai where the “diaper heads” live, or ask me “why are so many instructions in Spanish these days—why can’t those fucking Mexicans learn to speak English?” or they would let it slip that they absolutely knew that the “Holocaust was a hoax that the Jews concocted to bleed the world of more money, like only Jews can do, and who do those goddamn Jews think they are anyway?” (Needless to say, I kicked those Christian Neanderthals to the curb once their hatreds became transparent to me.)

Cartoons used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

So, I think what we need as a country is to get on the same page with our definitions. Therefore, I set up a few guidelines to help us all foster transparency in ourselves and others by using the Jeff Foxworthy model of “You know you’re a Redneck, if . . .” For instance, Hillary made a statement before she bit the dust the other day that she caught hell for:

“To just be grossly generalistic, you can put half of Trump supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? Racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, you name it.”

Then all the racists, sexists, homophobics, xenophobics, Islamophobics were so furious that they prayed down all the plagues of the Apocalypse on her for calling them deplorable (no wonder she got pneumonia). And yet, survey shows:

“While 65 percent of his [Trump’s] supporters think President Obama is a Muslim, only 13 percent think that he’s a Christian. Fifty-nine percent think Obama was not born in the United States, and only 23 percent think he was. Twenty percent nationwide think it was a bad idea that slaves were emancipated, and 16 percent in South Carolina think that whites are a superior race.”—Stacey Patton/Washington Post

JUST SAYIN’ . .. if the shoe fits—wear it!

Cartoons used by permission: RJ Matson Roll Call

***

But how can you tell if you’re a “deplorable?”

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A DEPLORABLE, IF . . .

You think President Obama is a Manchurian Candidate born in Kenya

You think that most Mexicans are rapists and murderers

You agree with Trump that we should drive all undocumented immigrants out of the country, regardless of any extenuating circumstances

You want to build a wall and make Mexico pay for it

You think that Breitbart.com, the Drudge Report, and Alex Jones are trust-worthy news sources

You think punching an old lady in the face who is carrying an oxygen tank at a Trump rally is cool

You think mocking a Gold-Star mother is fair game

You think that verbally attacking a Black pastor after being a guest in her church is “telling it like it is, or speaking his mind,” after your candidate broke the agreed-upon rules for allowing his visit

You think a Muslim ban is just the cat’s meow

You think burning mosques is scoring points for God and country

You think setting a Muslim woman’s hijab on fire is “doing the right thing” and punching a Muslim mother in the stomach as she’s pushing her kid in a stroller is making America great again

You think mocking a disabled NY Times reporter is great form

You think it was a bad idea that my ancestors were emancipated

You think White people are being persecuted, and you mock Black Lives Matter

You think people are trying to eradicate Christmas trees, Christmas carols, and two months of Christmas shopping from your greedy little hands, and you label it as “Christianity is under attack”

You love that your candidate hired the head of Breitbart (an alt-right site) to run his campaign, in spite of all the hateful, racist, lying rhetoric he’s known for

You throw up in your mouth when you see an interracial couple

You throw up in your mouth when you see a Gay couple

You agree with a recent poll that says 62% of White people think that Black people are lazy and less intelligent

You think it is perfectly acceptable that the KKK and David Duke have wholeheartedly endorsed your candidate because he best trumpets their values

Cartoons used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

If you agree with even just one of the above Trump camp attributes, then you might be a deplorable and need a heart transplant. Just sayin’!

***

ELEANOR’S SELAH (“AHA” MOMENT) REGARDING TRANSPARENCY

I am discovering that all of us need to start being more transparent and demanding that our Presidential candidates do the same. Let’s start by telling Hillary that no matter how paranoid she is of the right-wing media, if she doesn’t start being forthright with us (on everything), she is not going to get our vote because she keeps creating unnecessary problems. If she doesn’t, we’ll just stay home and start packing to move to Canada. STOP TAKING US (African-Americans, Latinos, educated suburban women, union workers) FOR GRANTED, HILLARY!

“Antibiotics can take care of pneumonia. What’s the cure for an unhealthy penchant for privacy that repeatedly creates unnecessary problems?”—David Axelrod, retired Senior Advisor to President Obama

“Things will absolutely go wrong. In a healthy team, as soon as things go wrong, that information should be surfaced. Trying to hide or obscure bad news creates an environment of distrust or lack of transparency.”—Steven Sinofsky

“I think the currency of leadership is transparency. You’ve got to be truthful. I don’t think you should be vulnerable every day, but there are moments where you’ve got to share your soul and conscience with people and show them who you are, and not be afraid of it.”—Howard Schultz

“I believe transparency in government is key to restoring our nation’s faith in its elected leaders.”—Kirsten Gillibrand

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do you know what I discovered on my reentry into the world after a wonderful vacation? Everything has gotten so much worse in American politics during the past two weeks while I was gone! (How is that even humanly possible?) Apparently, that orange creature from the dung lagoon hired some Alt-Right Neanderthal as his campaign chief to accelerate the fertilization of the Earth with their atrocious pile of racist excrement which has sped up the growth of Trump’s anti-Christ flowering of White Supremacy, hate, and bigotry in the world. Wow, people! You were supposed to guard against this type of insurrection while I was gone.

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

Then I read that Trump thinks my life as an African-American is a total pile of shit as he painted an erroneously misleading picture that most Black folks live in inner cities and our lives summarily suck—across the board.

“Poverty. Rejection. Horrible education. No housing. No homes. No ownership. Crime at levels nobody has seen . . . You can go to war zones in countries that we’re fighting and it’s safer than living in some of our inner cities . . . Look, it is a disaster the way African-Americans are living. We’ll get rid of the crime. You’ll be able to walk down the street without getting shot.”—Donald J. Trump

Well, thank you Oh “Great White Hope” for that hyperbolic and extreme assessment of my peeps and me! No nuance on your part—no indication that you’ve ever spent any time in a predominantly Black community. Good to know that we no longer need Jesus because you’ll save our sorry-asses from the dystopian hell of our own making. Donald Trump—the relentless face of racist Birtherism against our outstanding first Black President went on to ask me—an African-American— “What do you have to lose?” by voting for him. My response (should only be used when one’s laughter is so uncontrollable, it makes one pee one’s pants):

“LMAOROTFBTCSTCNDBFOOTWIFOAGWLLBGWTHROOTSAIAKBAYB”

(TRANSLATION: “Laughing My Ass Off Rolling On The Floor, Biting The Carpet, Scaring The Cat, Nearly Dying By Falling Out Of The Window In Front Of A Guy Who Looks Like Bill Gates, Who Then Horrified, Runs Out On The Street And Is Accidentally Killed By A Yellow Bulldozer”.

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

Oy! It made me want to go back on vacation with my family and lose myself in wondrous bliss. While I was away, I tuned out all the news for the entire holiday and spent all of my vacation relishing in the wonderful life God had blessed me with while my grandson and I performed an old woman/seven-year-old dance routine to Meghan Trainor’s “Me Too.”

“I thank God every day

I woke up feelin’ this way

And I can’t help lovin’ myself . . .

If I was you, I’d wanna be me too . . .”

Mema and Grandson Dancing/Photo Credit: K. Tomczyk

I should have stayed on vacation with my grandson who is sweet, loving, kind, generous, thoughtful, caring, and wise beyond his years who taught me how to do the Nae-Nae and Snap Chat this year. But I didn’t and each day away from all that beautiful Christ-like innocence has made me want to stand up and holler—especially after I read recently that even after all the horrid, racist, crude, misogynist, vile things that have been revealed about Donald Trump, his Evangelical Christian support is still strong AND GROWING! Even a child can see that The Donald is an asshole—why can’t so-called Christian leaders? (Some of these “Christian” Trump supporters have declared that their fellow Christians (moi) will burn in Hell if we don’t vote for Trump.) In a dream I had last night, I sent my grandson a Snap-Chat voice message and asked him why was he so much more mature than grown-ups who claim to be leaders in the Church? He replied: “They must not have gone to school. Everything I know, I learned in kindergarten.”

When I awoke, I decided to write a kindergarten report card for Donald Trump to those Christian leaders in the hopes that they would take stock of Trump’s character before it is too late, and withdraw their support since it seems he has been unhinged since Jump Street and nothing like Jesus, whom they claim to love and worship.

As you know, it has come to the end of the year, and I am afraid the kindergarten school of life will not be able to transition Little Donnie to the grown-up world of grade school. He is failing miserably on all accounts—so much so, we teachers are hard-pressed to figure out how to turn him into a decent human being. He shows signs of an entrenched narcissistic personality disorder, a lack of a moral center, a detachment from reality and the pain and suffering of anyone but himself, and a total disregard for the feelings of others. In short, Little Donnie Trump lacks the social skills needed to progress to the next level.

Although Little Donnie is flunking kindergarten civic values across the board, I felt it best only to list the most pertinent ones so as not to overwhelm you. Although we think it is probably too late, we ask that you review this limited feedback and set up a meeting with his teachers in order to discuss the further humanization of Donald John Trump so that he might someday progress to the first grade.

DOES NOT GET ALONG WITH OTHERS

Little Donnie shows signs of being a rabid misogynist. He was over-heard in the hallway hurling insults at some of the kindergarten girls as “fat pigs, dogs, slobs, bimbos, disgusting animals, crude, rude, obnoxious and dumb,” “with blood flowing out of their whatever. . .”

Little Donnie is mean and cantankerous. He made Little Mika Emilie Leonia Brzezinski cry the other day when he accused her of being “off the wall, a neurotic and not very bright mess!” (He really seems to have a problem with female confrontation.)

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

UNABLE TO RECOGNIZE TRUTH FROM FICTION

Little Donnie refuses to adhere to truth. His teachers discovered last year that he had made himself the face of a racist birther movement against the first Black class president of our school. His teachers know that Little Donnie knows where President Obama was born because we did an entire school project on Hawaii two years in a row and featured all the children who had been born there: Donnie Ho, Barack Obama, and Bette Midler who Little Donnie promptly called “grotesque” before he stormed out of the classroom.

Little Donnie is scary and out of touch with humanity. He once said to his entire class that he could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and he wouldn’t lose any class support.

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune. Missouri

***

ELEANOR’S SELAH (“AHA” MOMENT) ON CHRISTIANS FOR TRUMP

I am discovering that I am absolutely flabbergasted and mortified at the Evangelical Christian support of Donald J. Trump for president. These dudes and dudettes have truly sold their souls to the Devil, and they have the audacity to tell me I’m gonna go to Hell if I don’t vote for Trump because it is Jesus’ will that The Donald becomes our next president. I call bullshit on that false doctrine! After Trump’s blanket, condescending statement to African-Americans this week trying to get more than 1% of us to vote for him, I have an answer for Little Donnie: “Everything—Black folks have everything to lose if we vote for you!” We’ll lose 100 plus years of ongoing progress in education, housing, and jobs, not to mention the legacy given to my grandson by President Barack Obama that currently inspires and promotes his ability and possibility (and all Black children) to become president of the United States someday.

Little Donnie, you know not what you speak or to whom you speak. Some of us Black folks may need a helping hand now and then, but we are not a stupid people. African-Americans know you are condescending to us to get the White suburban vote by attempting to make them think you’re not a racist. (Most White people aren’t stupid, either. They know you grossly exaggerated the stats regarding poverty, education, and lack of jobs in our inner cities.) Go back to Trump Tower, Little Donnie. I, on the other hand, will go back to my very nice life as an African-American, and my decision to vote for anybody else but you—come November.

Cartoon used by permission: Luojie China, Daily China

***

THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUOTES EXPLAINING WHY JESUS IS PROBABLY WEEPING RIGHT ABOUT NOW AT THE STUPIDITY IN SOME CHRISTIAN CIRCLES

“I realize that most of Trump’s ardent fans do not take kindly to being lectured by the likes of me. But it is with a certain degree of genuine sympathy that I say what has to be said: Your candidate is a flake. A fraud. A bag of air. A con man. A joke.” [emphasis, mine]—Eugene Robinson/The Washington Post

“He is egotistical, bombastic, and brash. He often lacks nuance in his statements. Sometimes he blurts out mistaken ideas (such as bombing the families of terrorists) that he later must abandon. He insults people. He can be vindictive when people attack him. He has been slow to disown and rebuke the wrongful words and actions of some angry fringe supporters. He has been married three times and claims to have been unfaithful in his marriages. These are certainly flaws, but I don’t think they are disqualifying flaws in this election.”—Wayne A. Grudem/prominent evangelical theologian, seminary professor, and author

“Mr. Trump’s Twitter presence is tightly interwoven with hordes of mostly anonymous accounts trafficking in racist and anti-Semitic attacks. When Little Bird, a social media data mining company, analyzed a week of Mr. Trump’s Twitter activity, it found that almost 30 percent of the accounts Mr. Trump retweeted in turn followed one or more of 50 popular self-identified white nationalist accounts. At times, a circular current seems to flow between white nationalists and Mr. Trump on Twitter.”—Nicholas Confessore/NYTimes

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fair Use

Welcome to How the Hell Did I End Up Here? If you like what you see or read, I am always delighted to be quoted or linked to, joining the community of bloggers who abide by Fair Use guidelines. However, please refrain from reblogging my posts unless you have my permission.
Thanking you in advance for your respect and consideration.
~Eleanor Tomczyk

DISCLAIMER

How The Hell Did I End Up Here? is a non-commercial entertainment and social commentary blog about the author's life and a critique of public and political personalities, published news articles, and consumer venues. Any linked-to or reblogged images contained on this website remain the property of their respective copyright owner(s), have been used by contractual permission, are displayed under the fair use doctrine, or are part of public domain.

Subscription

Click here to subscribe to this blog if you're a lover of humorous stories.