“He has all the elements we’re looking for,” general manager Ruben Amaro Jr. said. “First of all, the makeup is extraordinary. He’s the ultimate team player. He knows how to play baseball. He’s a winning baseball player. He’s had the opportunity to be in big games in the playoffs and he just fits real well.”

He later added — and I am not making this up — that Young is a “professional hitter.” Kind of a bummer because now they have to pay him.

In other news, it’s a good thing he “knows how to play baseball” or else it would have been really embarrassing when he showed up wearing scuba gear and asked what all the grass and dirt was for.