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The radical notion that women are adults

Fuck, Marry Kill! Which bitch do you want to do in?

So the Hollywood Foreign Press Association recently hosted the 70th annual Golden Globes awards, bringing together accomplished actors and artists from the world of television and film, and the ladies kitted themselves out like,well, movie stars, and who wants to play a little round of Fuck, Marry, Kill?

The game is this: of the three women posted above, which one would you like to throw down and just fuck, which one seems like a sane, rational, nice sort of person you might want to marry and which one is just so batshit crazy there seems to be no choice but to wrap your hands around her neck and choke her until she’s a lifeless pile of Jimmy Choo wearing meat?

Now, now, I know it’s a little harsh first thing in the morning, but it’s just a bit of harmless fun. Don’t get your panties in a knot. After all, it’s a known fact that when a young woman decides she would like to be an actress, she opens herself up to this kind of fantasy. And hell, why should only young women have the pleasure of being the object of someone’s murderous imagination?

Julianne Moore. She’s gorgeous and at 52 puts a lot of younger women to shame. Jodie Foster? Well, she’s gay, but what the hell, why should that stop a fertile imagination? And Jennifer Lopez? Jesus how many times has that woman been married anyways? She’s probably the right one to kill, but to each their own. The comments are open so we can explore in graphic detail why one of the other ladies might be a better choice for manslaughter.

Some people think it ISN’T funny to encourage random strangers to think of fucking or killing or even marrying accomplished, beautiful women they have never laid eyes on in real life, but those people are just straight up killjoys. And when the lady’s media image is a little off, shall we say, it’s just plain old good fun to speculate on taking their lives.

Predictably, feminists, those schreechy shrews think Fuck, Marry, Kill is an appalling game that no one should ever play because we’re blatantly encouraging a hatred of women so vile it involves an outright desire for a woman to die, and neither the fuck nor the marry part of the game contain anything about consent. What if the lady doesn’t want to fuck YOU? What if the lady doesn’t want to marry you or even speak to you?

Jezebel in particular, has mounted a huge campaign to end the shameless misogyny of Fuck, Marry, Kill games on the internet. It’s just unacceptable and it has to stop.

Oh wait. No they haven’t. Jezebel isn’t upset about Fuck, Marry, Kill at all. In fact, they invented it.

This post made me both angry and sad. Yep, I am a killjoy over here. Today I weep for humanity. fucking hell. Fuck, Marry, Kill??? That’s brutal. Shame on you Jezebel….Over here we call it Snog, Marry or AVOID….waaah!!!!

Kill Anne Hatheway…for the good girl image she had in her younger years…you can see the fruition of her constant sluttery
Fuck Jennifer Lawrence for obvious reasons
Marry Amanda Seyfried…although mostly because she would be at the top of the dung pile