Intro for March 6, 2014

So award season is supposed to be over. But a press release just landed in my inbox: the MTV Movie Awards are happening on April 13th. Conan O’Brien is hosting. And MTV really, really wants Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lawrence to show up because The Wolf Of Wall Street and American Hustle have the most nominations. Click here to see the full list.

I appreciate that they’re so unapologetic about the fact that all they care about is getting the right celebrities there. And the ones who actually come are the ones who will win. So even though Cate Blanchett just won the Oscar for Best Actress, she doesn’t get a mention in the Best Female Performance category. Lupita does though! Because that’s how popular she is now. She’s up against Amy Adams for American Hustle, Sandra Bullock for Gravity, Jennifer Lawrence for Catching Fire and not American Hustle, and… Jennifer Aniston for We’re The Millers.

Yes. In MTV’s mind, Jennifer Aniston > Cate Blanchett.

Aniston’s actually been nominated 3 times – for her performance, for best kiss, and for taking her shirt off. Interestingly enough, Brad Pitt is also on the list for Best Scared As Sh-t Performance in WWZ. Basically, they really, really want him to attend. So you can’t really piss on MTV too hard. Not when they’re working for us. Not when they’re working to create Good Gossip.

Pitt was actually at the Movie Awards last year as a presenter when he was hustling hard for WWZ. And while he won’t be hustling hard for anything this time, the Jolie has Maleficent on her schedule. You know they work as a team. So it’s not totally impossible that they would be there.

F-ck. I just realised I totally forgot to namecheck my book baby, Listen To The Squawking Chicken, for no reason during every article I wrote yesterday. Did I mention that Emma Forrest, the author of one of my favourite books of all time blurbed my book baby? Click here and scroll down to read what she wrote. By the way, I would not be mad at the paparazzi if they wanted to take pictures of my book baby.

My book baby will be born on April 1 in Canada. Click here to pre-order.

My book baby will be born on April 22 in the United States. Click here to pre-order from Amazon and click here to pre-order from Barnes & Noble.