Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 amPosts: 2785Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:30 pm

GuntherTheUndying wrote:

brain hammer wrote:

Not sure where to post this...but a lot of the new reviews I see here are poorly written, full of needless profanity, and come across like they were written by over anxious 14 year olds just discovering metal for the first time. That recent "Born Too Late" review comes to mind...

It is pretty shit, and reads like it was written by a 12-year-old who tried really hard to be UltraBoris. That being said, I don't think it's horrible enough to justify deleting...it's just as crappy as half the other reviews on the site.

You would never guess from this review that there's a 13-minute instrumental track and most of the music is ATG-worship riffs. The guest appearances are pretty obvious too, since they stand out a lot. Doesn't say much about the music, and what it does isn't much beyond the really percussive production.

PseudoGoatKill's one of the horrible old school reviewers. Classy cunt, that one.

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gomorro wrote:

Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

What should I say first of all! If you are not a big fan of Marduk in their middle ages, it is literally forbidden for you to listen to this album. There is absolutely nothing to do, if you want to keep your money, time and ears intact. Second thing I want to mention (if you did not understand me) is that here we can see the obvious case of absolutely uninteresting, even boring, unintelligent, average music without any underlying reason, any meaning, any purport.

But there's something else I can't stand and ,of course, I will never accept it in the works of such band like Marduk. Why was it necessary to sing about World War II, to sympathize with national socialism and even nazism. It is absolutely stupid to sing about it, if you don't announce yourself as NSBM. That's the third reason, why I reject this album.

As I said before, musical part here means nothing. And I am really surprized, how "this" can be appreciated by the big number of people. If people really really want to hear some true/raw black metal, they can easily switch on in their CD players or on computer, for example, Setherial, Dark Funeral or 1349. There are even too many members of the given style.

"Panzer Division Marduk" gives you nothing. Maybe fast passages, brutal blastbeats and scream vocals can bring some pleasure, but not in this case. Thank "God" that the horrible years have passed and this band has recorded masterpieces like "Rom 5:12" and "Wormwood" but, unfortunately, we cannot forget this pretty terrible bullshit they played after "Opus Nocturne". Just avoid this one!

...the hell is this? Almost not a single word describing how the album sounds like, somewhat confusing word choices and sentence construction... and apparently if you wrte songs about WWII you're supporting national socialism and nazism, and if you do so without announcing yourself as a NSBM band, it's a no-no, and constitutes legitmate grounds for panning your record.

I was considering putting that one here, too. When I read it, I couldn't help but notice all the mistakes in regard to actually knowing the language. Guying by his profile, he's a 14 year old Russian. Who knows how much of that review was processed through a translator.

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gomorro wrote:

Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

It is pretty shit, and reads like it was written by a 12-year-old who tried really hard to be UltraBoris. That being said, I don't think it's horrible enough to justify deleting...it's just as crappy as half the other reviews on the site.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Marduk/Panzer_Division_Marduk/2925/Killer_Clown...the hell is this? Almost not a single word describing how the album sounds like, somewhat confusing word choices and sentence construction... and apparently if you wrte songs about WWII you're supporting national socialism and nazism, and if you do so without announcing yourself as a NSBM band, it's a no-no, and constitutes legitmate grounds for panning your record.

I have trouble with Killer_Clown. His reviews are generally abysmal only because of his terrible, godforsaken, horrendous, baneful, cut-your-nuts-off-with-a-rusty-saw-blade English. Everything else is good, but his English is the stuff of nightmares. Maybe get another mods' input on this one?

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Ismetal wrote:

GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

"Plodding" and "boring" are the guy's keywords for the entire review. Short and reads like a first impression. It's like when you see a band page, go on youtube to hear the band, and then find out that they aren't what you thought they played and post your thoughts on the board.

Was Necroticism even influential? That's 1991. Swedeath was already in full swing by then.

Might want to check this one out, too. There isn't even any musical description in that first paragraph, and only a handful in the second. Very short, very vague, very cut-worthy. Doesn't put up any defense at all. Reads more like a forum post than a review.

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gomorro wrote:

Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

I have trouble with Killer_Clown. His reviews are generally abysmal only because of his terrible, godforsaken, horrendous, baneful, cut-your-nuts-off-with-a-rusty-saw-blade English. Everything else is good, but his English is the stuff of nightmares. Maybe get another mods' input on this one?_________________

I think this guy had about twenty reviews dangling from the beginning of the queue about three weeks ago. God, I cringe when I see this guy's stuff waiting to be looked at, 'cause I just can't do it.

_________________"I went to see Finger Eleven and Trapt and I was in the moshpit!" - Faith"Did they give you a balloon on the way in?" - Andy

Idrownfish, that review is very descriptive and straightforward. Aside from the spacing issue between paragraphs, it's pretty good. At least enough to stay. Not exactly wall of text, either. That's be if it there were no breaks at all for a long while.

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gomorro wrote:

Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

You can "not like" his negative reviews all you want, but they're perfectly acceptable.

Idrownfish wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Angra/Fireworks/1670/

Review by Nightcrawler (wall of text).

OzzyApu wrote:

Idrownfish, that review is very descriptive and straightforward. Aside from the spacing issue between paragraphs, it's pretty good. At least enough to stay. Not exactly wall of text, either. That's be if it there were no breaks at all for a long while.

Agreed with Ozzy, review stays.

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Ismetal wrote:

GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

My Feb 20th post in this thread has three reviews that still need to be looked at. A mod's decision on the Hail of Bullets review on the last page (iirc) also needs to be taken.

I think Gunther has been lone wolfing the thread for the past week or so already.

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gomorro wrote:

Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

There's no hard and fast rule against reviewing your own music. He's upfront about it and seems to be giving his honest feelings about the music, rather than merely his honest feelings about himself.

_________________"Since that time, I have received highest level confirmations that such organizations not only exist but are rooted in satanic ritual murder and extend across America’s political landscape into nearly every community."

Idrownfish, that review is very descriptive and straightforward. Aside from the spacing issue between paragraphs, it's pretty good. At least enough to stay. Not exactly wall of text, either. That's be if it there were no breaks at all for a long while.

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 amPosts: 2785Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:27 pm

Necroticism174 wrote:

Whatever happened to Crappy Diem?

From what I remember of an old thread asking that same question, the quality of reviews generally improved to the point where rejected reviews were generally subpar, but not Babelfished, fanboyish, or otherwise extremely, laughably bad. I believe I recall Nightgaunt saying that the current state of the review queue failed to regularly yield the horrid stuff that would have done Crappy Diem justice. Lemme see if I can find that thread.Okay, I found the thread, and despite what I remembered, the reasoning seems to actually be a combination of the thread's resident mods failing to regularly post in it, and the review queue basically coughing up nothing new in terms of, well, crappiness. According to Nightgaunt, it basically became a series of obvious rehashes: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=65810

Terrible writing, really terrible writing. In addition to the writing being terrible, the first half is prefacing, and the conclusion throws in some more awkwardly worded biographical information. Very little about the music other than how much this guy loves it. http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... Deathrash1

"Plodding" and "boring" are the guy's keywords for the entire review. Short and reads like a first impression. It's like when you see a band page, go on youtube to hear the band, and then find out that they aren't what you thought they played and post your thoughts on the board.

Was Necroticism even influential? That's 1991. Swedeath was already in full swing by then.

Might want to check this one out, too. There isn't even any musical description in that first paragraph, and only a handful in the second. Very short, very vague, very cut-worthy. Doesn't put up any defense at all. Reads more like a forum post than a review.

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gomorro wrote:

Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

It was hard for one to think that a band could top up the level of absolute musical genius they had previously set for themselves. Falkenbach proves this wrong with the release of “Magni Blandinn Ok Meginitiri”. After a hugely successful demo and full-length, the one-man band hailing from Iceland returned to show he that he had much more talent than he had led on. This cluster of epic war tales kicks off with “When Gjallahorn Will Sound”. The track starts of somber and modest, only to break out into a heavy pounding rhythm, super-catchy riffs, spine-tingling chants, and some of the best Black Metal vocals ever heard. The listener can’t help but be enthralled over the course of the 41 minutes, as they are entangled in stories of war, heros, and the Ancient Way, and as the unparalleled brilliance of Vratyas Vakyas shines through. To finish it all off, Vakyas threw in the fast-paced 6-minute instrumental track, entitled “Baldurs Tod”. This is easily one of the best metal albums of all time, and definitely in my top 10. A must have for any fan of Folk/Viking Metal!- mutiilator, January 22nd, 2004

Are you mad because you want to lower the album's score with your 15% review?

I could hardly care less about the average score, I merely for wish metal-archives to have higher standards for reviews than that. There's no clear effort; the piece was obviously written quickly without proof-reading, and the analysis is wanting. The formatting is an eyesore and breaks site rules, the writing is atrocious, and the review is made obsolete by others for the release.

I'm more concerned by the fact they consider a 70% "not recommended." I gave a similar score to Krypteria's newest, and there are plenty of tunes on that album that I love, and I would totally recommend it to fans of the subgenre.

You know what album I would label as "not recommended"? Their previous, My Fatal Kiss. What's the score I gave to an album I would classify as "not recommended"? 26%.