Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I watched my favorite episode of Lost the other day because...well, I just had the urge to for no reason that I can really say. It made me think how fantastical and awesome this individual story arc was even IF the ending sucked.

Just think hypothetically for a moment. What if you and I were dating. In love. Looking to marry. Then I suddenly cut off the relationship and joined the armed forces.
Two years later, after not hearing from me at ALL, I call you and say I need to see you. You refuse. I then track you down through your father.
Though irritated, you let me talk. I tell you that if you ever loved me or still have any hope for our relationship, you need to give me your phone number and keep the same number. I'm not going to call for eight years, but when I do I NEED you to answer.

Those of you who watched Lost will, of course, recognize that I am talking about Desmond and Penny's story arc, specifically the events in The Constant. (probably my favorite episode of the series)
Though Desmond never specifically tells Penny that he's jumping through time, watching it again made me think about that (almost entirely) unlikely scenario. How in the world do you tell someone that if you don't make contact with them in eight years (during those eight years, we WON'T talk. At all.) you will die of disorientation by time travel.

Asking someone to be your constant is an incredibly serious thing to ask. Literally life and death. It has a bit more leverage than asking someone to be your valentine. Whatever that means today.

And so, I'd like to present you with

Lady Brainsample's Guide to Choosing Your Constant

When considering a constant, there are many important factors to consider. This guide endeavors to help you explore the important questions to ask about the person who potentially qualifies.

1. Is your candidate familiar in both time periods?

This isn't the time to call up Susie from second grade. The candidate should exist in both time periods and also be someone you can potentially get ahold of in both time periods.
Lady Brainsample recommends taking very careful consideration about using parents or grandparents because of this qualification.
As our posterboy Desmond Hume knows, there can be a large amount of time between the two periods one is shifting to and from, so if you happen to have been isolated on an Island for a few years and suddenly need a constant, you don't want to call on your Great Grandma Louise who was on the brink of death the last time you saw her. Likewise, even if you are pretty sure Susie would agree to be your constant, if you haven't spoken to her since the last time you attacked her with snowballs, (with the assistance of your tiger) she probably isn't the ideal constant.

2. Is your candidate someone meaningful to you?

You may have your old boss's phone number burned into your permanent memory banks, but if you toss and turn in your sleep with nightmares of your boss's former demands that he needs you to come in Saturday, you probably don't have a meaningful relationship with him.
Because the whole reason you need a constant is to avoid a brain aneurism, you don't want to speed up the process by your only contact being someone who threatened to do so every day of your life you worked for him.
To avoid dying by brain aneurism by time travel, your constant should be someone whose voice and presence bring about positive feelings. Our posterboy Desmond Hume, for this reason, picked the woman he loved, Penny Widmore, to be his constant.

3. Is your constant likely to believe fantastic phenomena?

Though Desmond Hume didn't directly tell Penny about his time travel problems, Lady Brainsample recommends being more straightforward to your candidate about their duties as your constant.
If you are great friends with your physics professor, but he makes a comment about how only nut jobs believe time travel could ever be possible, it's probably a good idea to be discrete about your time travel problems and look for a constant elsewhere.
On the other hand, if your conspiracy-theory loving best friend sports an X-Files "I Want to Believe" shirt with the appropriate spacey planet earrings and green eye shadow, she is probably more likely to believe your time traveling tales and be more than happy to assist you.

If you answer yes to all three questions, then congratulations! You've found yourself a good candidate! All of us at Cease Repining wish you the best in your traipsings through time travel.

I conform to non-conformity. I am myself because everyone else is taken. I am a paradox wrapped in an oxymoron smothered in contradictions in terms. I am who I am and say what I feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.