Pages

Friday, July 29, 2011

Every year I think about entering a sentence in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, but it always happens after I've seen the announcement of that year's winner. This particular contest is like a "Worst Fiction in the World" contest, where contestants have to come up with an opening sentence for an imaginary novel that is worse than, or at least comparable to, Edward George Bulwer-Lytton's first sentence of his 1830 novel, Paul Clifford (and the first line of many of Snoopy's unfinished novels).

(Here's the entire sentence. You be the judge):

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in
torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent
gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene
lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame
of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

I love the idea of coming up with a sentence so godawful bad it could actually win an award. I think I could do that. Write badly, I mean. A sentence that would drop them to their knees, where, when the dust settled, they would find an entirely new perspective; or better yet, fly them to the moon, where green cheese is a mere but pleasant myth, but the ethereal man who smiles down on Mother Earth is as real as their hearts will allow, thus opening a path to thinking kind thoughts of me.

"Cheryl's mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories."

I personally thought this one, from the "Purple Prose" category, should have won, but click on the link above and see what you think:

"As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky
dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that
deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian
was at a loss as to why he felt blue."

More odd news from Wisconsin: A highway worker found a dead animal by the side of the road that was like no other he had ever seen. "It's completely hairless [he said], almost like leather. It has a
canine-like head and a fox- or dog-type head. The rear legs are
coon-like. The tail is almost like an opossum."

Some people think it's a chupacabra, while others think it's just an animal with a severe case of mange. But it turns out there have been sightings of similar animals all over the place. And unlike Bigfoot, there's actually a carcass. (Either the genus Bigfoot never dies or they disintegrate and turn into dust, giving them an entirely new perspective, leaving nothing to us except our own imaginings.)

And speaking of oddities, how about Arizona and those dust storms? Where the heck did they come from? And why are they all of a sudden called "haboobs"? Such a ruckus in that touchy state over an Arabic word for "Holy shit! Look at that thing!" Articleman wrote about it on dagblog last week. (He lives in Arizona but he's okay. He's not one of them. Lordy, if the dust ever settles in that nutty state, everyone could breathe easy again.)

A Flash mob comes to a DC Walmart: I love flash mob videos, but this is a new one on me. All they want is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Just as much fun for the rest of us but it doesn't look like the Walmart manager is enjoying himself. Still, he let it happen. Good for him. (Thanks to GottaLaff at Political Carnival for this.)

A moment sublime: There was a forest fire to the west of us last week. Not close enough to cause any concern for us, but it produced a spectacular sunset. It went on and on. I ran out of purple prose long before it finally subsided.

6 comments:

I love the Bulwer-Lytton contest, too, and do the exact same thing as you every year: "I have GOT to enter that next year!" And then I forget about it until the next year's winners are announced. ::sigh::

I also laughed, because my favorite was also the Purple Prose winner! It reminded me of my all-time favorite entry, one in romance, in which the heroine talked about the eyes of her lover being a "Tidy Bowl blue." Now that's some fine (bad) writin', right there!

Ha ha. I've read parts of some pretty bad romance novels whose authors unwittingly write sentences that could win prizes in this contest, hands down. But they're making money off of them, so who am I to make fun? Ha.

"The notes blatted skyward as the sunrose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbedappendages frantically peddling unseen bicycles in their search forsustenance, driven by Nature's maxim, "Ya wanna eat, ya gottawork," and at last I knew Pittsburgh."

Hey, do you remember the olden days, when your average weekly alternative newspaper had such a thriving Personals ad section? Oh, I had such fun with those. Here's one that I actually clipped, then I lost it. But I remember it, and it was one of my favorites. I mean that in a truly appreciative way; it wasn't one of the silly ones.

"Woman, strong silent type, finds there is one thing she cannot do on her own. This is so hard to ask for. Seeking a loud, obnoxious cowboy to help her shop for used car."

To this day I regret that I didn't contact her to see how her search went.

Followers

Join our discussions on Facebook

Come on over!

Tweet, tweet

Solidarity Michigan

Internet Rumors Debunked

FactCheck.org

Thanks to the Labor Movement

From Political Loud Mouth

"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people - their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties - someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal', then I'm proud to say I'm a Liberal."

-John Kennedy

Any Other Questions??

"Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things...every one! So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, 'Liberal,' as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won't work, Senator, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor." -- Written by Lawrence O'Donnell and spoken by Jimmy Smits as Matt Santos on The West Wing

About the Photographs:

Many of the photographs, unless clearly historic or news-related, are the property of Ramona's Voices. It's only polite to provide a link back to this site when using them. Letting me know you've used one would be good, too.

Creative Commons Copyright Notice

Google Page Rank

statcounter

What's going on here:

This is the site of a die-hard Democrat and a proud liberal woman. I care, I cry, and when I do I don't become a snowflake, I become a warrior.

Donald Trump, yes, THAT Donald Trump, is the President of the United States and the idea of checks and balances has been filed under "quaint". The Constitution is tattered and torn. Hand-wringing has become a national pastime.

After 10 years of this, I thought I might retire to the Shire, but, no...

The mountains are high and I am small, but Donald Trump is the president and that's just not right.

I trudge on.

Ramona Grigg, Writer, Fighter, Dreamer.

(The door is always open and I love company, but haters will need to do it somewhere else. We're all grown-ups here.)