Mitt Romney Reveals Reason He Will Not Release More Tax Returns

Lo! A clue as to why Mitt and Ann Romney are refusing to release more tax returns. In a forthcoming interview with Parade Magazine (?!), Romney explains: “Our church doesn’t publish how much people have given. . . This is done entirely privately. One of the downsides of releasing one’s financial information is that this is now all public, but we had never intended our contributions to be known. It’s a very personal thing between ourselves and our commitment to our God and to our church.” Mmmmhmmm. [Takes out nail file, begins filing nails.]

From the scant tax information Romney has to-date released, we know he donated nearly $9 million to the church in 2010 and 2011. So what’s the problem? Mormon-God forbid that Romney’s fellow parishioners discover he is very, very wealthy and extremely generous. Would they ever forgive him?