We are husband and wife team, James and Mirriam. We are veterans of love, particularly of intercultural relationship. We have lots of experiences, good and bad, and have learned much from them. We are happy, we are contented and we would like to spread that around. We will answer your questions to the 'secrets' or our happiness, we will give advice. Email us at jamesnmirriam@gmail.com.

Monday, May 23, 2011

I am a forty-five years old, Asian, single and looking for a partner in life or lover. I was busy with my career - took up MA and MBA and modesty aside, I have a high position in our company. I also took care of my family - sent my younger siblings to college and until now I am helping them financially. I feel that now is the time for me to take care of myself and my happiness too. I prefer foreigners because I have been burned many times by my countrymen. I hate to generalize, but speaking from experiences, I think my 'countrymen' are only after my money. They see me as a prospective sugar mommy! I would like someone to be intimate with, not only physically as in sex, but also intellectually and emotionally. Where do I find them? Friends have told me to go to gyms, bars, or join clubs or organizations where there are lots of foreigners. I have tried going to a bar where there are supposed to be lots of foreigners, but I see most of them with young bar girls, and only one or two would talk to me a bit and won't even offer to buy me a drink. What is your advice?

Mildred Patricia (Patty)

Dear Mildred Patricia,

I admire your fortitude in helping out your family before your own interests, especially concerning the matters of the heart. Your friends are right in advising you where to seek for a foreigner partner/lover. Men, regardless of nationality, would love a person like you who have a big heart. Don't filter out your countrymen altogether as there may be some who are also good as friends and could provide you emotional and intellectual intimacy. Also they could have foreigner friends to introduce you to. Be patient, start with having friends, relax and enjoy yourself with their friendship first. A word of caution: not all foreigners have a good heart and certainly not all could match for your IQ and EQ (emotional quotient). Don't set your standards too high, or you may be in for disappointment.

James

Soprano Star James Gandolfini & Deborah Lin

Dear Patty,

I agree with James' advice. I'd like to add - location, location, location. Don't go to places where the majority of women/girls are younger and prettier, regardless of them being a bar girl, etc. You would like to go to a place where you don't call attention to your age by being compared to younger women. Choose a place classy enough for you, where you could meet classy people, foreigners included. Sleazy bars and seedy places are not good places to look for a partner/lover. You should be in a situation and place where you could shine. Be a member of Toastmasters' Club or any organization that showcases your talents and capabilities. Don't disregard the internet. There are lots of matchmaking websites in internet where you could get to know more men and it's a lot safer too. After knowing someone enough in internet, arrange to meet him in a safe place where you two could get to know each other and could socialize with other people too.