Training Hearts

BlogRoll

January 08, 2008

* time is almost up *

Last week, the younger children did the usual beginning of the year recitation of how old everyone will be on their birthday in 2008. They do it every year and we smile and say, "Wow! He's going to be that old??", or, "No Way! You aren't that old yet!"

So, everything was going along as normal until they came to Dear Son 2. Even though his birthday was just last month, and I'm perfectly adapted to him being 14, simply hearing that in 11 months he will be 15 made me stop. It was like an instantaneous flash when your life plays before your eyes that no one else sees or are even aware of. Hearing the number 15 was like a huge hammer striking a bell that I felt resonating inside me -- repeating over and over "Time is almost up * Time is almost up * Time is almost up." Everything flashed forward a few years, realizing that as quickly as he went from an inquisitive toddler to an engaging and personable young man he would even more quickly be an adult and responsible not only for himself but possibly a wife and children, too. None of which is bad. What pained me were the things that no one else sees. Just as I am sure my Heavenly Father grieves over my failings and the lessons that I still have not learned, I was deeply grieved at the many areas I have failed to properly train him and the personal traits he has developed that will be a hindrance to him. Will his bad attitude when I ask him to do something carry over to an employer? Will his unwillingness to stop what he wants to do and do what he needs to do carry over to his job or at home with his wife and family? Will his harsh tone and impatience with his brother and sister carry over to wife and children? I wept as I am weeping now. You see, even though he is not the oldest, because My Angel is special, this Dear Son is truly our firstborn in the normal sense and he has endured all the trials and experiments that firstborns go through and will be the first one to make it or not in the world outside of our door.

There is no special fix or instant cure. All I can do is pray that the LORD will make me daily aware of the guidance he needs; pray that the LORD will give me the gentle, encouraging words that build and the attitude that speaks of love and care; pray that the LORD will work within his heart, opening his own eyes to his sinful nature and giving him the desire to fully trust and obey his Creator and LORD; and most painfully, praying that the LORD would cleanse me of my own failings, that I would strive to run the race keeping my focus on the ultimate goal - Christ Jesus - and thereby give him a living example of a life lived in joy and obedience, realizing that none of us will be perfect until we see Christ face to face. May I smile and be quiet when I feel harsh words or a harsh tone coming. May I serve with joy, all evidence of grumbling and complaining gone. May I regularly deny myself and serve others in love because my LORD denied himself and came to this earth not as God but as a man to serve, not be served.