Nudge The Rabbi

My second cousin is married to a feminist Buddhist
monk who converted to Judaism in a Humanist shul and following
her conversion she joined a radical feminist Orthodox prayer group
in the basement of a Dutch Anabaptist Church that also hosts a
witches' coven regularly, and therefore the room is covered with
pagan and satanic designs, which she incorporated into a challah
cover design that she gave me as a gift to thank me for having
them for Shabbos next week when she and my second cousin are coming
next Shabbos together with their pedigree Rottweiller who can
only eat rare warm Hippo steak and I was wondering how to keep
it warm without making my stove treif?

What is the capital of North Dakota? Which way
does water go down drains in Australia? Do penguins have knees?
Do chickens have lips? If you are driving at the speed of light
and turn on your headlights will it help? What do you add to
dehydrated water? How did Hume's logical positivism influence
Marx's dialectic materialism, how are both their philosophies
affected by Shroedinger's conceptualization of the observer's
influence on experimental outcomes?

I have a 500-dollar wager riding on the answer
to the following question, so please answer honestly. Are the
questions published in 'NUDGE the RABBI' for real, written by
sincere seekers of halachic clarity? Or are they fake, cultivated
like a virus in the fertile petri dish of your imagination? Your
speedy reply would be appreciated, because I need to know if I
won the bet or not so I can report the earnings to the Internal
Revenue Service before tax day, April 15th.

Earnestly,

Anglebarth Morphous

Dear A. Morphous,

The questions published in NUDGE the RABBI are all
legitimate, true and authentic. Every single question is one hundred
per cent genuine. There's not a fake one in the bunch. We don't
make up any of them. Really. Honest.

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