HSG – March 30th, 2006

The HSG was an interesting experience. I get into these stirrups that spread me wide and put the pretty little paper blanket over my bared nethers. Doctor (male) and nurse (female) come in. Doctor uncovers my pretties and then spends 5+ minutes prepping and yacking with the nurse. They tried to incorporate me in the convo but really, how much can I say in that position?

Doctor inserts speculum and some additional tools and then has me lay my legs straight towards him “just leave some room for my tools” he says. Oh that sets me at ease.

Then the fun starts. They inject dye into my uterus for the purpose of checking the shape of the uterus and seeing if the fallopian tubes are clear.

Now keep in mind they had me take one vicodin and two advil an hour prior to this test.

The xray machine shows a normal uterus – yay! Then he starts the pressure on the fallopian tubes and I stop breathing. They give me the inane chatter about taking long slow deep breaths. Fuck you, I can’t even CATCH my breath. The pain was immediate and intense like nothing I’ve ever experienced before in my life and quietly pray to any god that will listen that I never feel it again outside the confines of this single experience.

He repeated the pressure a couple times, each time my breath stopping and my heart racing. Insipid nattering about my breathing sounds like gnats buzzing around my ear. Swat.

After all was said and done he said I may experience some minor bleeding. I guess that minor bleeding was the reason that as soon as I stood up to get dressed I had blood down to my knees. Thick rivulets of blood tell me parts of my insides are very unhappy.

Doc said my HSG was worse than many others because both tubes were blocked and I let him apply a lot of pressure. He seemed impressed with the amount of pain I tolerated, despite not taking long deep slow breaths. Idiots.