Monday, April 17

Leeza Gibbons, Billy Idol, Murders, and social disorders

On a blog that chooses to remain somewhat undisclosed, comes a post asking some interesting questions. I thought that I'd answer them here:

1. In one sentence, describe to me the last nightmare you had. Don't go

on and on though, because I don't really care all that much.I have a thematically recurring nightmare in which I find myself suddenly about to go on stage in a play that I'm not familiar with, with only a hazy idea of what the lines are that I'm supposed to say. These plays are always different, always dramas, and I feel incredibly uncomfortable, in my dreams, worrying whether I can possibly pull off the trick of trying to get through the show without knowing my lines. Sometimes, my dreams even go so far as having me go onstage and horribly stumble through a scene. Sorry, that's three sentences.

2. Did you ever shoplift before?I was never much into shoplifting or any deviant behaviour growing up. I remember a couple of times stealing racquetballs from Towers when I was a teenager, so I could play handball. My biggest, and final, shoplift, was stealing fake leather pants from Towers in 1985, so I could go to the UPEI Barn's Halloween party. I ended up winning Best Costume. The vest, coincidentally, was a black garbage bag. A picture here:

3. Ever fantasize about killing somebody? Would you do it if you were guaranteed never to get caught?I've fantasized about killing. Not really anybody in particular, but I think I have the predisposition to murder. I have a very cold-blooded side to my personality. I wouldn't do it on a whim, though, even if I was guaranteed never to get caught. Not the first one, at least.

4. Do you have any sexual fetishes? (Don't tell me them! Just say yes or no please)Not really.

5. If you had the opportunity to blackmail someone, would you do it?No. I'd rather kill them, I think.

6. One night stand time! Name the celebrity that is worthy of your evening.I don't really have the 'one night stand' personality. I'm more of a lifetime stand kind of guy. But, I've had a few celebrities with whom I've had infatuations. Back in the day, I really wanted to put it to Leeza Gibbons. Not because I found her that attractive, really, but because I thought she'd be someone who it'd be great to get wild on/with. Hmm, maybe that question 4 needs more thought.

7. If an old nosy relative was coming to stay over, what is the one thing you would hide so he/she wouldn't find it?I have nothing to hide. I suppose I would be most uncomfortable with them seeing the general messiness of the house, though.

8. What political affiliation (if any) do you have?I have liberal tendencies, but am personally very conservative with money. I usually vote in favour of the more socially conscious of the candidates.

9. What religious affiliation (if any) do you have?I am an atheist.

And the last question, as posed by my son, (because I couldn't think of any more) is:10. Would you like to come over for a visit?I would like to, but I never will because I am too shy. I have serious fears of being in social situations.

I'm thinkin' the boxes contain wee baggies of chipped potatoes.That get-up is somethin'. Did you get molested by anyone that night? It nearly happened to my buddy Darren there one year, and nearly both of us by an Island cougar disguised as a mummy at Brennan's.The best costume I ever saw at the Barn belonged to Darren. He went as (what appeared to be) a bloodied doctor. To any given person, he was just a guy in scrubs with a bloodied lab coat and a stethoscope. But, to (mostly male) friends, he would reveal the accessory in his pocket which converted his disguise from bloodied surgeon to abortionist. Boy, it was funny.We went to the Superstore that eve, I think, and he bought some little kiddie backpack for the doll inside. He took it home, tried to cut and shave its plastic hair, put it in the microwave for a short while, & hacked, poked, and stabbed it with everything from a saw to a pocket knife. It sounds cruel... and I suppose it was. At the time, it was hilarious watching him, though... the absurdity of it all. He put some fake blood on it, and put it in his pocket... I think (maybe) with a bent coat-hanger.The best part was when other people (especially gals) would talk to us and say stuff like, "Did you hear? Someone told me that somebody came here tonight as an ABORTIONIST (shocked/disgusted look)." Then, Darren and I would just shake our heads in disgusted disbelief, while snickering inside. I forget what I went as that night... maybe Steve Irwin, or a get-up inspired by the video for "Sabotage".The only costume to rival the abortionist was one another friend of mine did a few years back... Lucille Poulin, complete with bonnet, Bible, and rod.