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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Giant Bug Edition ...

Yoiinked from dvddrive-in, 1000misspenthours.com and the almighty wikipedia ...

"The Giant Spider Invasion is a low-budget 1975 film produced by Transcentury Pictures, a partnership owned by the film's director Bill Rebane. The film is about giant spiders that terrorize the town of Merrill, Wisconsin and the surrounding area. The Giant Spider Invasion was given a U.S. release in theaters in 1975, and was distributed by Group 1 Films.

The film gives major roles to some actors who might have been considered 'has-beens' at the time. The leads were Steve Brodie and Barbara Hale, with other roles going to Alan Hale, Jr. and Leslie Parrish. The film's final monster - and the film's largest 'giant spider' - was constructed by covering a Volkswagen automobile with artificial fur. The back of the car was the front of the monster, and its red tail lights served as the monster's glowing eyes. A few other 'giant spiders' were puppets representing spiders as large as dogs.

This truly unforgettable film was given a boost by no less a personage than Stephen King, who marveled at length over its unabashedly budget-conscious monster effects in the chapter on awful horror movies in Danse Macabre, and while some points of King’s description are either exaggerated or just plain mistaken, the various gargantuan spiders— created by Richard Albain (who went on to have an actual career) and Robert Millay (who did not)— are indeed pretty incredible. But as is so often the case with the best of the worst, the fabulously shitty monsters are only the beginning.

The altered Volkswagen Beetle actually doesn't look that bad, and I think people ridicule the effects only because it's well known that there's a car under that carpet and those tremendous pipe cleaners (hell, they only had about $10,000 to spend on effects). Seeing people get sucked upside down into one of these things, blood gushing and all, is a site to behold. Other veterans in the cast are Barbara Hale ('Perry Mason') as an astronomer and Steve Brodie as a NASA scientist. Neither look too embarrassed.

An outrageous mix of 50s giant monster motifs and backwoods 70s sleaze, the film's impressive theatrical poster art was a throwback to the giant monster movies of the 1950s ...

It seems there’s something about spiders, more than any other invertebrate, that fires the imaginations of really lousy filmmakers. Even with that in mind, however, The Giant Spider Invasion is something special. It isn’t often that Alan Hale Jr. puts in the most credible performance in a movie, nor is it common to encounter a film that will offer up something as ludicrous as a black hole crash-landing in a cow pasture with a straight face.

The film was shown mainly in drive-in theaters where it languished and died. Director Bill Rebane's movies usually did just that, but this movie as well as his first film, 1965's Monster-A-Go-Go, achieved additional exposure decades later when they were wonderfully ripped to shreds in episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The Giant Spider Invasion was ripped in season 8, episode 10 ...

This movie also has some of the most wonderful fleeing-crowds footage since Reptilicus, and a few shots of the main monster eating people which are on nearly the same exalted plane of gross technical overreach as their counterparts from the latter film. For my money, the actor-eating spider is even funnier than the spidermobile that attacks the carnival, if for no other reason than that we get a much better look at it.

But really, the most incredible thing of all, however, may be the simple fact that The Giant Spider Invasion was not by a long shot the worst movie Bill Rebane made. Have you ever really SEEN Monster-A-Go-Go before? Worst movie ever made. Kida sad."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

Old Ice Cream

A Few Fruit Snacks

Whatever I Can Raid From Next Door

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are omnce again PROUD to present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE!

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed during the feature. Any and all talkers will be murdered Sweeney Todd style, hell yeah! there are no cell phones or African-American berries allowed in the theater. And NO TEXTING allowed!

Spinal Tap, the Break Like The Wind Tour, 1993 (Yes I know they are a FAKE band but they played Mesa Amphitheater and I was there front row, and it was an awesome 3hr set with an intermission - I bought official Spinal Tap ear plugs)

Primus, the Animals Should Not Try to Act Like People Tour, 2003 (They did a full two hour set, then an intermission, then they played the Sailing The Seas Of Cheese album in its entirety)

Favorite Movies: Plan 9 from Outer Space, Wet Hot American Summer, The Avengers, The Giant Claw (amazingly horrible), Scott Pilgrim VS The World, Ed Wood, Psycho (the original and none of that other crap, oh, and also, the big end speech from the Dr. isn't in it, because that's horrible), Glen Or Glenda, Monty Python And The Holy Grail, The Three Caballeros, This Is Spinal Tap, Manos: The Hands Of Fate, A.P.E., Rock of Ages (soooooooo bad!!!), Cabin in the Woods

Favorite Avengers: Luke Cage, Spider-Man, Squirrel Girl (Great Lakes). Also, I feel the need to mention that I currently have a level 23 Thing in the online game Marvel Super Heroes. Plus, he has a sidekick. It's Spider-Ham, the pig Spider-Man. He walks around with me cracking wise and shit. It's crrrrrrrrrazy cute!

Favorite Secretary of State: Albert B. Fall

Favorite Newscaster: Sacramento News 10's smug-faced Dale Schornack, whom I repeatedly list on Facebook as my wife but he keeps denying it. You can't run from the truth forever, Dale Schornack. You can't run forever.

Favorite People To Hate: Madonna, Collyne, L. Ron Hubbard, upper middle class and upper class white people, Debby, 80% of the population of the entire state of Oklahoma, fucking Risa, Jenny McCarthy the child killer, Tom

Favorite Thing: Stuff

Favorite Way To Die: Murdered, smothered to death by gigantic sweaty breasts while watching an Ed Wood triple feature at a classic old school drive-in. Hey, a guy can dream, can't he? ... a guy can dream ...

Favorite Strange Movie Fact: In the 1962 movie "King Kong VS Godzilla" there is a character, the head of a pharmaceutical company, who is named Taco. Taco. He is named Taco. He is an Asian man who is named Taco. WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS?!?! And there's also an Asian woman in the movie named Tammy. Now this is where I draw the line. I can believe that a giant ape and a giant radioactive lizard fight on the top of Mount Fuji, but I absolutely CANNOT BELIEVE that somewhere in Japan there is an Asian chick named Tammy. My suspension of disbelief does not go that far.

Favorite Fetish: TIE between a sweaty body and boobs (various sizes)

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Rrrrrreally Good Books I've Read Recently ...

"Dead Presidents" by Brady Carlson

"Lafayette in the Somewhat United States" by Sarah Vowell

“The Great Beanie Baby Bubble: Mass Delusion and the Dark Side of Cute” by Zac Bissonnette.

"Silver Screen Fiend" by Patton Oswalt

"The Great Zoo of China" by Matthew Reilly

"The Disaster Artist" by Tom Bissell (the inside story of the movie THE ROOM - a MUST READ for bad movie lovers!)

"Yes Please" by Amy Poehler

"The Museum of Hoaxes" by Alex Boese

"Kids Are Weird: And Other Observations" by Jeffrey Brown"

"The Know-It-All" by A.J. Jacobs

"Game (The Game Trilogy, Book 1)" by Anders de la Motte

"A Game of Life" by Jeffrey Brown

"The Big Rewind: A Memoir Brought to You by Pop Culture" By Nathan Rabin

"The De-Textbook" by Cracked.com (rrrrrrrrrrreally makes you look at your entire existance differently)

"Cruise Confidential" by Brian David Burns

"You Don't Know Me but You Don't Like Me: Phish, Insane Clown Posse, and My Misadventures with Two of Music's Most Maligned Tribes" By Nathan Rabin (this man can do no wrong-excellent read!!!)

"Star Wars: Jedi Academy" by Jeffrey Brown

"The Leftovers" By Tom Perrotta (... I just wish the ending gave more answers, you know?)

"To Hellholes and Back" by Chuck Thompson

"The Stench of Honolulu" by Jack Handey (every paragraph is hilarious! )

"How To Live Safely In A Science Fictional Universe" by Charles Yu

"I Wear the Black Hat: Grappling with Villains (Real and Imagined)" By Chuck Klosterman (this book is the closest that Chuck Klosterman has gotten to writing a book as good as his first few books - damn good stuff!)

"Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life" by Dennis Reynolds

"Joyland" by Stephen King

"Old Man's War" by John Scalzi

"Redshirts" by John Scalzi

"NOS4A2" by Joe Hill (WOW!!!!!!!!)

"Jam" by Yahtzee Croshaw

"Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief" by Lawrence Wright (it is an absolute crime that a dangerous cult like Scientology is allowed to continue)

"The Long Earth" by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter

"America, You Sexy Bitch" by Michael Ian Black and Meghan McCain

"Amped" by Daniel H. Wilson (author of ROBOPOCALYSPE - this man can do no wrong!)

"Thank You For Smoking" by Christopher Buckley

"Here We Go Again" by Betty White

"Drop Dead Healthy" by A.J. Jacobs

"Top of the Rock: Inside The Rise and Fall Of Must See TV" by Warren Littlefield

"You're Not Doing It Right: Tales of Marriage, Sex, Death, and Other Humiliations " by Michael Ian Black

"The Incredible Change-Bots" and "The Incredible Change-Bots Two" by Jeffrey Brown

"Girl Walks Into A Bar ..." by Rachael Dratch

"Avengers Assemble: The Oral History of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes" by Brian Michael Bendis

"Emperor Mollusk VERSUS The Sinister Brain" by A. Lee Martinez

"Machine of Death: A Collection of Stories About People Who Know How They Will Die" edited by Ryan North

"A Year At The Movies" by Kevin Murphy

"Divine Misfortune" by A. Lee Martinez

"All Your Base Are Belong to Us: How Fifty Years of Videogames Conquered Pop Culture" by Harold Goldberg

"The Postmortal" by Drew Magary

"Size Matters Not" by Warrwick Davis

"The Last Testament" by God

"God If You're Not There I'm F*cked" by Darrel Hammond

"Damned" by Chuck Palahniuk

"Carrie" by Stephen King

"Unseen Academicals" by Terry Pratchett

"Snuff" by Terry Pratchett

"Ready Player One" by Ernest Cline (I don't know when the last time was that I had this much fun reading a single book - utterly amazing!)

"Shock Value: How a Few Eccentric Outsiders Gave Us Nightmares, Conquered Hollywood, and Invented Modern Horror" by Jason Zinoman