Anyone tuning in to ITV2
in the hope of catching the Emmerdale omnibus will instead be treated to a rare luxury: Its Angola versus Iran!Iran may be out of the World Cup, but coach Branko Ivankovic is hoping for a dignified exit. Team Melli are without suspended midfielder Javad Nekonam. Playmaker Ali Karimi has been struggling with an ankle injury and is expected to make way for 300-year-old striker Ali Daei."We haven't shown what we can do at all," said midfielder Ferydoon Zandi. "But now we can play without pressure, maybe that has been a factor. We want to leave with a victory."Only, nothing but a win will do for Angola, who are still in with a chance of making the second round ahead of Mexico. Theyre relying on Portugal to win and some margin of goals to be involved because their goal difference is 1 and Mexicos is +2. Youre welcome to work out the permutations - maths was never my speciality.At any rate the Angolans need to score their first goal of the tournament but any suggestions they might drop their 4-5-1 formation to accommodate a second striker seem to have been unfounded, that is according to the team sheet.

Let it be said
that there is never to obscure a peg on which to hang a disgruntled demonstration. Mercifully, this match narrowly avoided being at the centre of a far right rally to be held by Germanys 'National Democratic Party'. But Leipzig officials refused them for not applying for a permit. Protesters against anti-Semitism, will, however, gather outside the city's Supreme Court building, presumably supporting Angola.

Richard Willmsen has an obscure fascination:
"If Angolan striker Pedro Manueal Mantorras doesn't get to set foot on the pitch I will sit at my desk and cry like a little baby girl who has just lost her favourite dummy." Whatever floats yer boat, Rich.

Anders from Belgium says:
"Let's all wrap ourselves up in a big Angolan flag and roll around on some heath! What do you say Gemma? Oh so tempting no?" No, Anders. A little bit scary since you asked.

Pre-match niceties:
Angola and Iran strolled out of the tunnel into the sunshine, Angola in red shirts and shorts and black socks - Iran in all-white. It's a festival of football.

18 mins:
Kaabi concedes a corner, sending Mateus and a big clump of turf flying through the air. Here comes the stretcher again....

22 mins:
Loco (the one sporting the shaven head apart from the dreadlocked fringe look) has just clattered into Hashemian, injured himself and picked up a booking. You get the drift of how this match is panning out...

23 mins:
Love has come on for Mateus. Perhaps he's all Angola need.

23 mins:
It's all Iran now - a free header for Ali Daei insde the box but the ancient striker's glass eye fell out just as he headed it and it travelled way, way off target.

Portugal lead
2-0, but can Angola score? Love just came close, his shot is somewhere in the air. "Is Angola the only nation in the world cup that contains the name of a football boot brand?" Miek Hopkin asks.

26 mins:
Medonca clears Hashemian's header off the line. Actually, it flies into his stomach. A 2-0 win for Angola will see them through, but they'll have to defend first - Iran are attack-attack-attacking.

29 mins:
Ooof! Akwa found himself clean through by skied it over the bar. Mexico have pulled a goal back so Angola now have to score three. "Anyone else think Iran's goalie looks like Adam Sandler with make-up on?" asks Ben Cornwell.

32 mins:
Mendonca swung in a corner but it's been hoofed out for another identical corner. And the same thing happened again. Another corner. It's happened a third time - this could go on all night!

34 mins:
This time the goalie pops up with a comedy punch. It fell to Miloy, whose shot was deflected wide. But the referee was bored with all the corners: goal-kick.Andrew Taylor informs us: "The Chinese Prime Minister, Wen Jiabao, is visting Luanda today, and has said that his visit to Angola, "mainly aims at strengthening the friendship and mutual knowledge, as a way to increment the friendly bilateral co-operation in various domains." So there you go.

35 mins:
Hashemian is now looking a bit knacked - there's more crockery in this match than an old ladies' tea shop.

37 mins:
Ze Kalanga is shoved off the ball as he races down the flank by Mahdavikia, who is booked. Figuieredo is looking out for Love as he sends in the free-kick.

40 mins:
Hashemian has been replaced by Khatibi. Teymourian smacks a swervign shot at Joao Ricardo, who fumbles it momentarily before gathering it and holding on with all his might.

42 mins:
Iran keep pressing forward but their finishing is poor. If it weren't for all the noisy horns and exuberant fans you might say this game was a little bit flat.

45 mins:
The fourth official doesn't think so - he wants five more minutes before half-time! All that knacking and stretchering has to be compensated for.

49 mins:
Lovely play: Loco passes to Ze Kalanga, who passes to Love, who shoots but Mirzapour palms it over the bar. The stretcher's on again! But the keeper stays on the pitch, holding his head and shaking his ears as though slightly concussed.

50 mins:
Still playing...

Half-time:
Peep peeeeeep. Phew.

Half-time team talk:
Well, it's business as usual as Iran look pretty dangerous but are yet to muster a tangible threat. Angola, meanwhile, (insert not being able to score pun here).

""Be honest. Theres no player named Love in the match. You just made it up for the puns," says Tom Wiener. Let he who is without comedy surname cast the first stone.

"Im actually getting excited by these two games," says Matt Kilsby as he rubs his thighs. "Im sat at work hurriedly flicking between two different screens and clicking refresh every 10 seconds Is this normal or terribly sad?" I'll let the good people wanting updates on Iran v Angola be the judge of that.

"Did you know
that Mr Loves first name is Arsenio?" asks 'Worv'. "Apologies if someone has already sent this in, I've been in a meeting." Pesky meetings...

45 mins:
Or 51, technically. And we're off again. Angola kick off from right to left. But they've already lost possession.

48 mins:
Now it looks like Akwa could be crocked! He's lumbering around rubbing his thigh. If only he could turn back time. Ignoring the references to Norwegian 90s pop acts, Ali Daei creaks forward but is dispossesed by Loco.

50 mins:
Akwa has crumbled in a heap by theside of the pitch. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, calling Doctor Jones!"Have you got a bet on over how many song titles you can slip in regarding the Angola substitute?" asks Mark Gillies. "I look forward to Love action, but hopefully not Love on the rocks or when Love breaks down."

51 mins:
Akwa has now left the pitch to be replaced by Flavio. Where's the pun in that? Mendonca just tried another curler, but it was too curly and it curled away from goal.

Mexico have just
missed a penalty! But Angola still need three goals. Ze Kalanga crosses into the box from wide on the right. It sails over the box and bounces into touch."Luanda has closed down and everyone is gripped to this 0-0 draw," Andy Rutherford reports. Getting to the World Cup has been the most important thing for the country since peace four years ago. To succeed in this match would be incredible ...give us a goal Akwa!" Sorry Andy.

55 mins:
Iran have a free-kick but Angola quickly recover possession. They can't do anything with it. It's a throw-in to Iran. And another free-kick to Iran. Mhadavikia is teed up and fires it toward goal but Joao Ricardo makes a good save. Stop. Start. Stop. Start.

58 mins:
Hope springs for Angola! Mexico have had a man sent off! Ze Kalanga throws himself on the floor in the hope of winning a penalty. No dice.

61 mins:
Two more goals and Angola will qualify. They're going for it, Love teed up Mendonca but he tried to be too clever and side-foot it when he should have just booted it and it flew wide.

64 mins:
To clarify, Joseph Dickson says: "Aqua is (prefer it if I could say "was") Danish. We should have given them to the Norwegians." Although that's now irrelevant because Flavio is the man of the moment.

65 mins:
Mandanchi has given away a free-kick to the right of goal. Figueiredo squares it back to Love, but Kahtibi spots the silly trick a mile away and clears.

67 mins:
Borhani comes on for Kaabi. Ze Kalanga picks up a booking for a lunge at Mandanchi - he'll miss the next match if Angola progress. That's 'if'....

69 mins:
Love came in round the back (stop it...) and powered in a header at the far post, but Mirzapour claimed.

73 mins:
A long-range effort from Love. "I'm confused," says Christian Haesemeyer. "Scott claims "One more goal for Angola, and Mexico is out", while Gemma says "Two more goals for Angola and they are through". Who's right?" The truth is Christian, I don't know. But Angola seem to still be playing with one up front, so it probably doens't matter.

74 mins:
Figueiredo limped off to make way for Hull City's Rui Marques. Then a touching moment took place where Khatibi helped Jamba strap on the captain's armband. world Cup montage gold.

Goal! 1-1!
Zandi floated in a corner and the Angola defence were in tatters, allowing Bakhtiarizadeh to crop up and score. Let's hope, for my sake, he doesn't take much further part in this match.

79 mins:
Richard Willmsen is still pleading: "Send on Mantorras! Send on Mantorras!!!!" Will the fascination become clear when we see him? Miloy just had a go from a long, long way up the pitch. Mirzapour didn't even break a sweat in saving it.

81 mins:
Angola push on, trying to make the most of having Love on their side. Thanks to one Michael Owen for that random Thompson Twins reference."It's very boring waiting for a cruciate scan, you know..." he admits.Another chance for Iran, but Ali Daei has trouble leaping to head the ball and Joao Ricardo collects.

85 mins:
A good save from Joao Ricardo, turning Khatibi's powerful effort over the bar. Iran are searching for a second while Angola are floudering."Have you any idea why every media outlet keeps referring to Rui Marques as Hull City's Rui Marques?" wonders Richard Leyland. "We had him on loan for a month last season in which time he played 1 game." Are there any other representatives from Hull City at the World Cup?

88 mins:
"Angola would have needed 2 goals prior to that equaliser," says Luke Hildyard. "I had worked it out and begun to explain it in an email that the combined minds of Newton, Einstein and Stephen Hawking would have struggled to make sense of, but of course its all irrelevant now. Football is a cruel mistress."The other game has finished 2-1 to Portugal and it's pretty much all over for Angola. Barring an absolute ruddy miracle.

90 mins:
Zandi fouled Love on the edge of the box. Love hurts. It's a free-kick with Mendonca ready to take.

91 mins:
It didn't trouble the the keeper one tiny, little bit. No pace, no power, no goal.

94 mins:
Lots of injury time - can Angola score two? Or three? Or however many they have to score in order to qualify?

Full-time:
No, they can't. It's all over. There'll be weeping in the streets of Luanda tonight.

Just a vacancy,
Love don't live here anymore.

It wasn't the most exciting game of the tournament. In fact, in no time at all it will have drifted into the annals of long-forgotten World Cup encounters.

Angola scored their first goal in the World Cup, but Iran equalised and both will soon be leaving on a jet plane.

Which just leaves enough time for Richard Willmsen to explain his weird, stalky fascination with Pedor Manuel Mantorras: "Mantorras has been the pin-up boy of Angola over the last five years, but his career has cascaded from heady heights through a succession of serious injuries, and in recent months a fall-out with the Palancas Negras coach Luis Oliveira Goncalves. Yet the speedy striker remains an integral weapon for the southern African side when they head to the 2006 FIFA World Cup(tm) finals, given his penchant for goals and remarkable strength."

Apologies for the use of the present tense. Sadly, we didn't get to see Mantorras today. And perhaps we never will.

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