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September 22, 2007

More Translations, or: English ≠ American

In England, think is just as often a noun as a verb. You don’t talk about it, or think about it, you “have a chat,” or “have a think.” Seriously. I’ve been told twice this week to “have a think,” and I sort of like the sound of it. Sounds more tangible than “thinking about.”

For instance, when trying to get a haircut I was told at noon that they could fit me in that day, at 3:00. “Let me have a chat with my husband,” I said, “and I’ll call you back.”

Earlier in the week I was told that there was space for Boyish to come to nursery for the morning session, and also space for him to come during the afternoon session, but um, no space at dinner (English for “lunch”). Could I perhaps trek up the hill and down again, with the four year-old, feed him, and then bring him back up the hill to school 45 minutes later?

Oo, let me have a think on that. I’ll let you know what I come up with.

See? I’m speaking English. You might not understand me if you’re from “the States,” as we say around here, but then again, you people need a bit of training in proper use of the language. From the founders. So, here goes, (again).

The sidewalk is the pavement, and

A guy is a bloke. An anonymous guy is John Doe to you, but Joe Bloggs over here.

There is no Jane.

If you want Sprite or 7-up, order lemonade; and if you want actual lemonade—well, too damn bad—no one seems to have any idea what it is.

Your pants are not pants, they're trousers. And if you have them altered, don’t ask for a cuff when it’s turn-up you want. Turn-ups look smart with your hideous London shoes (see above).

Or you could wear your trousers with trainers (otherwise known as sneakers), which wouldn’t be smart. But then again you wouldn’t have to change shoes if you wanted to play crouchettes after work.

Wait—I mean squash. Which is juice. If you want to eat squash, not play squash, or drink squash, you must ask for crouchettes. That’s French.