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When Your Time is Not Your Time

Most days around here are pretty good. Sure, there's a lot to do to care for a baby that needs you to do oh, pretty much everything for them, but after almost five months you settle into a good routine. The baby no longer feels "breakable" and you generally know why they're crying at any given time.

But some days, some days are hard. Some days the baby wakes up five times in the night leaving you foggy between the ears, staring off into space on the edge of your bed as you contemplate having to go in and pick him up, feed and change him again. Some days the baby cries on and off a lot of the day (for no apparent reason) and despises the idea of you putting him down for 30 seconds to (god forbid) pee, chug some water, or grab a snack. Some days putting the baby down for a nap takes longer than the nap itself. --->

Monday was like that. All I had wanted to accomplish (besides take care of Henry) was to respond to a few emails and do a bit of writing for a project while he napped.

Around 4:30 p.m., when I hadn't accomplished those things and it looked like he would be skipping his final nap of the day, I took a deep breathe and said to myself "Your time is not your time." It's not as if this was a new revelation, but rather than stewing in the frustration of it, I decided to let it go, appreciate my little guy, and take him and the dog on a walk to enjoy a sunny fall evening.

I guess the moral of the story here is, baby or not, sometimes we have expectations about how something is supposed to go and when it doesn't happen that way we throw a little pity party for ourselves. But the truth is, what you can't control you gotta just let go.

So when I'm exhausted or frustrated I haven't accomplished something I was hoping to, I'm going to continue reminding myself how incredibly lucky I am to get to raise this little guy. And who knows, I may go back to full time work in a few months or a year, so I want to enjoy these moments and not worry about the little stuff so much.

I also owe you guys a four month update on Henry before five months rolls around (which is next week). Yikes!

Tell me what's new with you? Are you doing anything fun for Halloween?

Even though it's sort of a kids holiday, I still enjoy the festivity of it all, the decorations, and an excuse to eat a little chocolate. And we've yet to get a photo of Henry with a pumpkin yet this fall, so I feel like I need to make that happen in the next few days.

Comments

I really struggle when I have a plan or a schedule in my mind and then it gets thrown off. That happened on this last business trip as I packed clothes to run in Chicago yesterday morning but I did not realize it would be cold and rainy and I just couldn't handle running in that weather in the dark... but I did not bring an extra pair of workout clothes for the gym (I had packed a heavier long sleeve top and pants for running outside - I would have roasted in them in the gym). I was SO MAD at myself for having to miss a workout. But then it all worked out because Phil picked me up from the airport and we worked out together in my condo gym. Wasn't optimal as that meant working out at 8:30 at night but oh well. At least I fit it in.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that it's Halloween this weekend! We have some fun plans, though. Tomorrow night some of Phil's friends are coming over for our 2nd annual pumpkin carving night then on Saturday we are handing out candy and then going to a Halloween party that Phil's coworker throws every year. Should be lots of fun!

I hate it when my "best laid plan" goes awry. I tend to internalize the frustration and sometimes it comes out as a lack of motivation to do anything else because I didn't get my way. It's not good and I have definitely gotten better over the years, but I still sometimes am learning to just sit back and enjoy the NEW ride and not worry so much about what I though I was going to do.

I have gotten sooo much better about being more easy going about changing plans over the past few years. I think a regular yoga practice has really helped me with this. I usually just take a big breath and think that I can't change something that has already happened so there is no point getting all worked up over it. It's definitely not something that always works though and it really depends on the situation.

I find that the days I REALLY want to get something done is when Amelia has other plans. If it makes you feel better, she still cries if I put her down to quickly do the dishes or go pee. I've started taking her into the bathroom with me (she plays with the door stop). No privacy anymore, but at least there is no crying :)