Less than nubile, happily partnered damsel of the sapphic persuasion waits too long to attempt pregnancy. Enlists the use of donor sperm and donor eggs.
One fresh cycle and one frozen embryo transfer later and the dreamed of BFP happens.
She walks down the aisle and marries her sweetheart while 7 months pregnant.
Out comes baby girl , and a whole new life (for all of them).
Fast forward 3 yrs. Baby boy is born, her marriage is made legal and the adventure continues....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I have been meaning to post about this for a while but for some reason I think it might offend somebody.
I can't see why, because as far as I am concerned I am doing you all a public service by telling you about my newly found peace of mind, but I have the feeling it might piss some people off. So I apologize if I am pissing you off or offending you.

I was worried about SIDS the day we came home from the hospital and I have been worried ever since. At first I just thought, well there is nothing I can do about it, I just have to suck it up and get over it and pray that Isobel is okay. Of course I pray that SIDS and all other things that kill babies and that end pregnancies and that stop pregnancies developing and anything else I have missed cease and desist from ruining so many beautiful peoples' lives. As a new mother, I feel sensitized to every child's suffering, every being's suffering, and the earth's suffering and it makes me a teary mess. I lie awake at night in wonderment of motherhood and also I go dark places thinking about all the bad things I might not be able to prevent happening to Isobel.

Anyway, one day I decided to Go.ogle SIDs to see if I could find anything to reassure me. I learned about the risk factors ( some of which were new to me), what to do to try to prevent SIDS, and then I learned about products designed to help neurotic parents like me monitor their babies' breathing and movement. And I thought, 'why not?" Why, if I know that there is a product that could help me not worry so much, and could alert me to a potential problem with Isobel's breathing, why wouldn't I get it?
So I did. It's called Snu.za and it's like a little pager your child wears while they sleep. It registers their movement ( breathing) and sets off a series of alarms that remind the baby to breathe and then to alert you to the lack of breathing if that happens. It works great if you have a baby like mine that sleeps sometimes in her crib and sometimes with us. The only problem is that you need to fasten it to her diaper and depending on how many layers of clothing she is wearing, you don't want to do this once she is asleep because by the time you have finished rustling in her drawers she will have woken up. I usually put it on when I get her ready for bed or naps but often forget and have to scramble. You can put it on her pants waistband if you want to and she is wearing pants and a t shirt or onesie.

So, I like the Snu.za but I am still having a hard time putting her down in her crib without waking her up ( yes, we are not onto the part of sleep magic where she can put herself to sleep quietly in her crib, so for now, I am putting her down asleep). So I remember that I have seen another product called an AngelCare Monitor that you can put in the crib which would make it easier to put Isobel down in the crib without waking her and fumbling around. So I bought it. All this courtesy of internet shopping, which is my new best friend.

So now, as she approaches her fourth month birthday, Isobel is armed with a small arsenal of anti-SIDs monitors. And the reason I am telling you all this, is not because I am working for Amazon.com but because I read about all my blog friends' babies and want to protect them too. I wish someone had told me about this technology earlier. But I am glad I found out about it. I asked my brother about it and he told me that his partner had bought a special mattress to prevent SIDS when their boy was a baby. It seems people do these things a lot, but they don't talk about them. So I am talking about it.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

One year ago today, two tiny bundles of cells were transfered into my uterus.

not the real thing, but looking like a little meteor!

I didn't see the points of light flash on the ultrasound screen, but Susan did, and I imagined them as I had seen our single fresh embryo transfer in December 2009. I was re-reading that post and I am so glad that I wrote about it because without it, the details are sketchy.
I know it is a cliche, but I can't believe the difference a year makes. To think that Isobel grew from one of those tiny embryos and came out looking so light filled and perfect is really amazing.

Isobel newly born on 10/17/2010

It isn't because I did anything special or right or had good ju ju - I think it's just random. Because how else could one ofour dear blog friends' turtles be so very sick after all they have been through. They are beautiful, good, sweet people and they have endured some of the worst that IF and Loss has to offer. Please go over and give them some support, hugs, prayers, hold their hands and make that little turtle better fast!

Yesterday I took Isobel to see my therapist, who I have been seeing since 2003. We were reminiscing about the first time I went to see her and almost the first words out of my mouth were, "I want to have a baby". From those first words, through ambivalence, to the imaginings, to optimism, struggles and finally to Isobel. A long 7 years. So glad to be this side of those years. And looking at this light bright face everyday.