We Accidentally Promoted A Cat To CEO And Now He’s Refusing To Step Down Just Because Profits Are Up 50%

As managers, we all remember times when we’ve promoted the wrong employee. We know that these situations can be bad for both employee morale and for the company’s bottom line. Most of the time, we catch the mistake early and correct it. But sometimes the situation gets out of hand.

That’s what happened at Our Company — nine months ago we accidentally promoted a cat to CEO, and now he’s refusing to step down just because profits are up 50%.

Sure, we’ve seen the biggest and most consistent revenue growth in company history over the past three quarters. But Our Company is about more than just the bottom line. We’re about people, and our cat CEO doesn’t care about people one bit.

From the outside, our shareholders may think that the company is doing great. On the inside, however, our employees are suffering.

The first thing our cat CEO did when he took over was cover the entire building interior with carpet. We had to put work on hold for a full month while Facilities lined every single cubicle, wall, and support beam just so he could scratch wherever he wants.

On top of that, you can never get any work done with him leaning over your shoulder all day. He’ll come right up to your desk and walk across the keyboard like you’re not even there. Then, when you try to show him the expense reports you’ve been working on, he’ll hiss and run back to his office. There’s no winning with this guy!

It’s not that we didn’t give him a chance, either. When he insisted we implement mandatory nap time six times per day, we listened. When he replaced performance bonuses with gifts of dead birds he killed, we kept our mouths shut and accepted it. But it has become clear to me that, despite Our Company’s amazing financial performance during his tenure, our cat CEO needs to go.

For the sake of the company’s future, the board of directors needs to take action and force our furry executive to resign.