Dr Lasermed is a grumpy gynecologist who comments about her practice, the state of medicine, women's health care and her triplet children.

WELCOME!

These are the thoughts of a cantankerous ol' gynecologist who remembers when things were a little different. I try to find a little humor in my life and the people I meet along the way. Come meet the characters in my world.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Yesterday was "step up day" at my children's high school. Those kids have really grown up! Two of the triplets are graduating. My autistic child has chosen to continue at least another year as the "Mayor of " his high school. (ADA allows them to stay until they are 21. (Go Eagles!)The principal listed all the scholarships that the class of 2012 had received. There are just over 300 graduating seniors. Not all of them are going on to higher education. Even so, there were literally MILLIONS of scholarship dollars awarded yesterday. One state funded scholarship was about $1.5 MILLION dollars (over 4 years).Sometimes our tax and other $$ do good work. Like sending laser's kids to college.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

It’s getting to be time for my kids to graduate from high school.I’m not sure any parent is ever ready for this.Today is move up day and scholarship ceremony.I think I already talked about Honor Society.I will probably do some posting about the stuff they did as little kids.It has been coming up a lot lately.Be prepared.

Mr. Impatient, being in Special Education, has decided to extend his High School education for a while.So only Three Speed and Tall Guy are graduating.That’s enough for one Mom and Dad.They wore suits when they left the house this morning.I’m excited to see what comes from this.More later.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Law of the Theater & Stadium - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

One of the interesting things that the back part of
this blog does is keeps interesting statistics.It lets me know where the visitors to this blog come from.

I have a large following in:

The United Kingdom

Germany

Canada

France

Canada

Australia

Russia

Spain

Mexico

Sweden

Hello, there!

Today I recorded 100 countries!Hello, Ghana.

Through the magic of the internet, I am translated
into 47 languages.For the benefit of my
Norwegian relatives, I am translated into Norsk.It is also translated into Danish, Bengali,
Persian, Vietnamese, etc.Magic!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Yesterday I entered my first patients who "have the same birth date and last name". My EMR (Electronic Medical Record) put up a great big warning box. “Are you sure you want to enter this patient” type thing.Of course I did.The patient was the second triplet that I see.

I am very concerned.I haven’t entered triplet # 3 yet.I am scared.

Since my own children are triplets, this has come up on occasion.Our insurance company got a little bit twitchy when they all got prescriptions on the same day for something.The pharmacy had to call and explain that, yes, they are triplets.

The forms for school get really boring. I used to have to fill the same form out 4 or 5 times for each child.I would get confused about which child I was filling it out for, which brothers I had to list, etc.Now they have figured out that one form can be entered in the computer for each child, so I only have to fill out three of them.

I love it when people ask me how many children I have.

“Three.”

“How old are they?”

“Seventeen.”

Big Pause.

Sometimes a light will come on, sometimes (usually) not.If not, I gently explain that they are triplets, and all are the same age.It’s revenge for all the stupid questions people ask about multiple babies.

There was an item on the news about a bill in our legislature that was going to ban drive through windows at fast food restaurants.Thank goodness the legislature came to its senses and defeated the bill.

I believe that the purpose of this bill was to address the problem of obesity in our state.There are better ways to do this, IMO.

We discussed this a little at my house.Then it was time for Mr. Impatient and I to make our weekly pilgrimage to SAMS club.(I spoke with their employees.Laura and Brenda said I could use their name on my blog.I generally have good things to say about them.)

Mr. Impatient was quite disturbed about the drive through windows going away.We had a long discussion about healthy foods.We discussed eating more vegetables and fruits and less sugary and fatty foods.

With most children, having this discussion would lead to a few more questions.Not with Mr. Impatient.His autism has kicked in big time.We have discussed every food he eats and whether or not it is healthy.He is “eating well” or “eating healthy”.There is now a limit to the fries or the chips.

He even asked if he is “fat”.The answer is, unfortunately, yes.I admit that Mom is, too.I refused to answer for anyone else at the table.They had to admit their own guilt or innocence.Oh, what fun that little failed bill has been at my house.

Hallowell Woodworks, LLC is a one man woodworking business located in the beautiful and eclectic city of Hallowell, Maine. Although officially established in 2011, I have been a passionate woodworker dating back to 1988 when I built a cradle for my first born child. As I constructed the cradle, I was amazed at how it was possible to take rough cut lumber and create what would one day become a family heirloom, enjoyed by many generations to come.

I have been a practicing general pediatrician for the last twenty-two years and during this time, I have always been thinking about a way to combine my love of woodworking and my love of pediatrics. I have recently embarked on designing and turning a line of custom, heirloom baby rattles. The rattles are the result of my personal observations of infant development and are designed to enhance your infant’s auditory, visual and tactile senses. Each rattle is custom turned in my shop and finished with a natural, baby safe finish composed of mineral oil and beeswax. I have been quite pleased with the positive feedback I have received from parents as well as the smiles on the faces of their babies. I have full confidence that you too will be pleased with your purchase.

I was in a cafe recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

And suddenly I remembered I was listening to my iPod -- and how was your day?

Monday, April 23, 2012

I live in an area that is considered “rural”.It isn’t by comparison to lots of areas, but large corporations use that term for service designations.That way they can deny certain types of service.Over many years, I have gotten somewhat used to it.One disadvantage is that there is no way to threaten to leave a certain provider, because there is no other business that does the same thing in the area.

Case in point:We only have one cable provider.Because I have been dealing with the same issue for the last two years without resolution, I will even use their name.COMCAST has decided that they can only send my electronic bills to a comcast.net address.I have been using one of those free provider addresses since before my children were born.They are now getting ready to graduate from high school.Comcast used to send the bills to that address.Then I made the mistake of moving my office.Don’t ever do that.

Now they send the bill to (drlasermed) @comcast.net.I told the nice man that I talked to forever last Friday that I don’t have a comcast.net address.He said that I did.I told him I have been using the other one for about 20 years, I get all my mail there, and I don’t understand why I can’t get his bill there.He says it’s a “security issue”.They won’t send bills to anything but a comcast.net address.It’s funny, because I finally got the office bill to come to the other address.

I can’t even pay the home bill on the internet.Comcast billing (or Xfinity to be exact) won’t accept my account for anything other than my office bill.It won’t accept my home account payment.If I want to pay over the phone, it will cost an extra $5.00.

I finally gave up.I had argued with several different people.I did get the bill paid.But they can’t fix the billing issue.So, [insert shudder here] they are going to kill a tree every month and send me the bill in the mail.I will kill a tree [insert another shudder] and send them a check in the mail back.I’m not paying $5 to pay the bill over the phone [until postage goes up that much].

Why can’t business be reasonable?What is so unsecure about sending an e-bill to yahoo or gmail or hotmail or any other internet address?If you work for Comcast or know the answer, please let me know.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.

“Balance in all things." God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Maryland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, the ocean and plains. The people from Maryland are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things"

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "Yes. Right next to Maryland is Washington, D.C. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

When doctors and pharmacists are in school, we are taught that brand and generics for medications are “therapeutically equivalent”.Then we get out in the big world.

In my professional experience, the first issue I had was with birth control pills.Women would be fine on the brand pill.Then, usually for financial or insurance reasons, they would be switched to a generic pill of the same thing.The bleeding, spotting, cramping and irritability would start.

We saw the same thing with hormone replacement drugs.My dear departed office nurse used to argue with her pharmacy student daughter about these medications at the dinner table.Finally, exasperated, she said, “then you answer my phone and tell all the patients that they are not having problems!”

I had issues with my “fluid pill” for my blood pressure, ending up with gout.Fifteen years later, I still take medicine for this problem.While I do have a family history, I had not had a problem until I went on the generic for the blood pressure medication.

Patients tell me that “the green generic” for their medication works fine, but “the blue pill” doesn’t seem to work as well or at all.Some patients will pay extra for brand medications because the generic doesn’t work.Others have to increase the dose of the medication to get the same effect when they switch to generic.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

We have been having an online discussion on my doctor’s web site about parents that bring their children to the pediatrician because they “won’t behave”.I was amazed that anyone would take their children to a doctor for this.I’m still trying to work this out.

Discipline starts when children are very little.It starts with love and being firm.My children are indeed the center of my universe.Still, they need to be civilized human beings, not wild beasts.

That's why I'm a "Mean Mom". My kids started calling me that after they learned to talk.

I tell them that "I'm Mean because I love you", that they need to learn whatever. There is always love, even if "I don't like you very much right now".

I love to hear the stomping of feet as they go off to do what needs to be done. Or see that lip stick out. My Mom used to say "Stick it out a little farther so I can sit on it!" My younger brother was really good at it.

No physical punishment, but correction and correction and correction.Then lots of hugs and kisses and snuggles.

Funny when they start doing it back.I love getting my language corrected by adolescents.Sometimes they will correct my historical facts.That’s OK.If they are right, I will choke out the words, “I was .... wrong.”

Stay involved in their lives, give them enough freedom to fly, roots to stay grounded and try to have enough wisdom to know the difference.

When you're not sure, call your Mom and ask. That’s what I did when I left my 14 year old freshmen at a senior graduation party at the end of freshman year.I think I talked to her for an hour.They did great.No alcohol.Parental supervision.Band geeks.We all grew up that day.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Recently, Tall Guy and Three Speed have spent a lot of time “dog sitting” for our neighbors.This couple moved in several years ago, and became our best neighborhood friends.I hope everyone has a neighbor or friend like this.I have had several over the years.They are the kind of folks you can call any time you need help with something. They’ll be there.They’ll call if they need something, too.

For example:We have worked out a sharing arrangement with the riding mower.It belongs to the neighbor.He lets us use it.My kids mow both lawns.We buy gas (most of the time).I feed and water the human kids.They keep the canine kids out of the way when the mower is running.

The husband helped chop up our tree that fell over in a bad storm a couple of years ago.He kept some of the wood for his woodworking.We boxed up a bunch of it and took it to a little old lady (she’s in her 80’s) down the street who heats mostly with wood.It saves her fuel bills, and is community service for the kids.

I can remember babysitting for neighbors over the years.We would house sit, water plants, walk dogs, mow lawns, take in mail and newspapers, and many other little things that needed to be done.If someone was sick or in the hospital, dinners would magically appear.The same thing happened after births or deaths.The neighborhood took over the kitchen so Mom didn’t have to do the dishes, either.

It’s the little kindnesses like these that are missing these days.We seem to have disconnected from each other gradually.The “Me Generation” puts themselves first.They don’t think about the effect of what they do on others.

How hard is it to open a door for someone who is coming in behind you?Especially if this person is elderly, has difficulty walking, is dealing with small children or carrying lots of things?Does it really take any longer to say “Please”, “Thank You”, or “You’re Welcome”?Does it hurt to say “Sir” or “Ma’am”?

I know these are “old fashioned”.But I sure get lots of smiles from them every day.Respect others and see what you get back.It doesn’t always work, but it just might make some other people’s days more pleasant.Who knows what might happen if we all did it?:-)

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Today there are multiple issues from me, the techno dinosaur.When I try to do stuff on the computer or the internet, some days I just get frustrated.

My favorite web site for doctors to bitch and complain has just gone to the cloud.Now, half the time I try to check in, I get:

Sorry, we were unable to locate the page you requested.

It might have been removed or might be temporarily unavailable. If you typed the page address in the address bar, please make sure that it is spelled correctly and try again. Or, you can go to our HOME PAGE and try a new Search for Postings.

Return to the (name removed to protect the guilty) homepage

I have posted a question about this, but their tech people won’t be in until tomorrow.

I also tried to copy you a really cool youtube video that someone had on their web site.All I could get was the URL.I have no idea why.

Computer Guy was working on my office computer last week.He works while gaming with my kids after being fed my Mr. Lasermed.I took the computer back to the office and found out he had deleted the entire office medical record system.Unfortunately, the kids were out of school, so I went in late.I found this out 15 minutes before I was supposed to start patients.

AAARRRGGGHHH!

I hope Computer Guy is having a great vacation with his real family.My computer is waiting for him when he comes back.(He restored it before he left).

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I have many patients who tell me that they stopped their medications because they are “feeling fine now”.Or they have “gone to the clinic” and been told they don’t have to take the medication anymore because their blood pressure is fine or their blood sugar is in the normal range now.

STOP!

Do not listen to this advice.Please get another opinion.

I have a patient now who was told to stop taking her multiple medications for her blood sugar because her levels were normal.Her medicines included insulin (the shots) and two different types of pills.Her blood sugars are now in the 400 range (normal fasting under 120, after meals under 150).

I have been working with her some, but this is not my specialty.We are down to about 250.These levels are still UNACCEPTABLE.She probably needs to go back on insulin – which requires someone who knows how to make those plans.Generally speaking, this is not your local gynecologist.

Sort of FYI: other medications you definitely should not stop without getting medical advice include medicines for blood pressure, thyroid or any other hormone, any chemotherapy, antidepressants or any other medicine for your mental health.

If you are on hormone replacement from your gynecologist, you should talk to your gynecologist, not another physician about this.We probably know more about the effects of hormones on your heart, bone, skin, bladder, uterus, hair, mental health and any other body part than any other type of doctor.

We spend lots of years learning about this stuff.We keep learning.It’s required.Besides, most of us think it’s kind of fun.So ask a doctor about your medicines.Not your mother, your sister or your neighbor.Unless they happen to be a doctor.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Today is the day you need to thank your doctor.We have had this day set aside since 1933.It is not generally recognized by people outside the medical community.Most hospitals and large clinics will have a breakfast or lunch for their physicians.The symbol for the day is the red carnation.

The origin of Doctor’s Day was in Winder, Georgia.Eudora Brown Almond decided to set aside a day to honor her husband, Dr. Charles B. Almond, and the other physicians who worked alongside him.They mailed greeting cards and placed flowers on the graves of deceased doctors.

In 1958, a Resolution Commemorating Doctor’s Day was adopted by the United States House of Representatives.In 1990, legislation was introduced in the House and Senate to establish a national Doctor’s Day.On October 30, 1990, President George Bush signed S.J. RES. #366 (which became Public Law 101-473) designating March 30 as “National Doctor’s Day”.

Today I would like to say thank you to all my teachers, my contemporaries, and those who follow behind.Medicine is at a difficult stage right now.With all the frustrations that we have experienced recently, I still find it rewarding and enriching.I can’t imagine doing anything else.

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The band my kids march in

Characters

I'm Dr. Lasermed. I'm a Gynecologist (that's a doctor that takes care of women and women's problems). I've been in private practice for over a quarter of a century.Mr. Lasermed - a paramedic in his former life, married me without fully realizing how crazy it is to have a physician for a spouseThe Lasermed children (triplet boys):Mr. Impatient - sweet, lovable and impatient. Autistic and very bright. He loves sports (all kinds). He is also very routine oriented.Three Speed- originally two speed - slow and stop. However, has ADD, so third speed is "....look, there's a bunny". Very bright when we can get him to focus. Plays trumpet.Tall Guy- First one to be taller than Mom - calls me "short woman" - probably the smartest of the three - definitely the most sarcastic. Plays the baritone (and alto) saxophone.Princess – my faithful and kind receptionist who puts up with me when I’m cranky and puts up with my patients who are crazy. She has two wonderful boys and a boyfriend and Mom who may or may not appear in the blog.Yearbook Gal – Tall Guy’s girlfriend and photographer for the yearbook.Computer Geek - formerly had a name, now changed at his request because he wanted a nickname, too. He helps me out when I get stuck with the computer issues.

About Me

I am a Gynecologist (a doctor who cares for women and women's problems). I went to medical school in the south, residency in the frozen north (with a small side trip to Canada), then moved to a "medically underserved area" I have endured riots, hurricaines, tornados, floods and triplets.
My triplet boys are about finished with high school. Two of them are in the marching band. See the photo. I am very proud of them.
I also write as Dr. Maryellen Smith on associatedcontent.com Follow me on twitter @ lasermed1
I appreciate feedback.

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Techno - Idiot.

I would like to state for the record that any and all mistakes are those of the blogger. I am in my mid-50s. When I was first introduced to computers, I actually punched cards. I never figured out how to write in all those funny languages. I have recently tried to post pictures with my articles. Nope. I forget to put tags on posts. Sorry. Be patient with me. I will eventually get it. I am trainable.

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Disclaimer

*****This blog is not intended to give medical advice. You should always check with your doctor. Note I did not say "provider". You should read the blog to see why.

Any resemblance of characters to people you think you might know, living or dead, is totally coincidental. Really. Unless I asked them if I could use the story. Even then, details have been changed to protect somebody.

I can't ask about places. Soooooo..... Any resemblance of places to someplace you think you know is absolutely coincidental.