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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Delusions of my dear husband & a quick tutorial follow up

There are certain things in Kevin's life that he will swear up & down and until the cows come home that are 110% factual. Often, i tend to ignore these sentiments because these supposed "facts" sound so ridiculously absurd. However, there are other times where I to against my better judgement & argue about his questionable ideology bc I find some of his claims so incredibly irritating. Now, I love my husband more than I even love diet coke, but the boy is just straight confused about a few things he claims to be "facts." For example:

1) Kevin claims he still isn't a "cat person," and he would get rid of all 3 of our cats to get another dog. LIES. This is also the same kid who made me get out of bed & go downstairs to get Lucy the diva from the laundry room, aka her designated & redesigned bedroom, so she could sleep w/ us, due to the fact he was worried about her safety with our temperamental cat. And this is also the same guy who refuses to get up when one of the cats is laying on him, because he doesn't want to "disturb" their slumber.

2) If you met my husband tomorrow & somehow the subject of snoring came up, he would swear up & down that he doesn't snore much. And he might claim that his wife is just a light sleeper. False. Again. Homeboy literally could wake the neighborhood with how loud he snores. It is truly incredible. Okay okay, waking the neighborhood might be a bit of a stretch, but I swear I can hear him from the kitchen if he is asleep in our room. After arguing with him about this topic for months, I finally decided I would get evidence of his alleged snoring. So, the next night he woke me up, I filmed this award winning little number of him... (Pardon the Blair Witchness of my camera skills... it was late.)

Due to the fact that the snoring was literally deafening, I'm gonna go ahead & assume that he was dreaming of his pretty wife. The louder the snoring, the better the dream, right? Ptsch, if thats the case, then lets get real with ourselves... chances are he was dreaming about Kentucky Football winning the SEC championship. I mean, have you ever heard anyone snore that loud? I'm pretty confident that he could wake the dead w/ that sound. The funniest part about this video is that after I showed him this the next morning, his comment was "I mean, its realllly kind of a soothing sound. It should be easy for you to sleep through. Kind of like a sound machine?" Yes, Kevin, you are an exact replication of a sound machine. Brookstone should probably hire you to do sound effects on their next sleep machine. Get real with yourself, son.

3) Kevin LOVES to tell people that I take forever to get ready before we go out. Absolute fabrication. Truth of the matter is... I purposely drag my feet & take forever to get ready because Mr. Big Primpin mirrors the tendencies of a 15 year old girl when he gets ready. While I can be showered, dressed, and completely ready in about 25-30 mins, Mr. Gray takes at least an hour. His routine goes as follows:-Makes a cocktail-Shaves-Takes a forever long shower-Proceeds to follow me around, swearing that all of his fav shirts are at the dry cleaner or need to be taken to the dry cleaners-Tells me to pick him out a shirt-He finally chooses a different shirt, that is completely wrinkled-Begs me to iron a shirt-Stops everything to watch 15 mins of a (insert sport) game that has no relevancy to our lives-Makes new cocktail-Puts on clothes-Stares/models his clothes/himself in full length mirror for 5 minutes-Does his hair-Asks me if his hair looks okay-Checks his phone... not to see if anyone has called or text him, but to see if there is any new UK news via Kentucky Sports Radio, Rivals, or Twitter. (Priorities yall. UK sports > friends.)-Puts on cologne-Watches 5 more mins of irrelevant game-Asks me which shoes (brown or black? Its the same shoe... but yet.. such a dilemma)-Revisits his full length mirror to check himself out again-Makes new cocktail-And finally, asks me if I'm ever gonna be ready to leave.... Yes, I am serious.

So, if we are ever late (who am I kiddin? we are perpetually late), it can probably be traced back to Kevin's hour long routine....
Clearly, weekend nights at our house are a ball. Scratch that, every day at our house is a ball w/ Kev :) As I've said before, he could probably do a wide variety of blog posts poking fun of me, but until he starts his own blog, yall get to hear about the oddities of good ole Kev.

Moving on, I got a ton of questions surrounding the needlepoint belt I was making for Kevin's dad for Christmas, so let me fill yall in a bit more.

If you didn't get to see the needlepoint belt in progress...

Why did the belt have to be done by Thanksgiving?
The shop that designed the belt only works with ONE leathering guy. So, seeing how he's only a 1 man shop, he only has enough time/supplies to complete a limited amount of belts in the small window of time before Christmas. So, the only way they would guarantee your belt to be leathered in time for Christmas, was to have it turned in by Thanksgiving.

Where do you go to get these Needlepoint Belts?
I always go to the same place, which is a little store in Lexington called "Eye of the Needle." For those of you in Lexington, it's located right off Clays Mill Road. For those of you all not in Lexington, they can design just about anything, ie: School logo, sports symbol, liquor bottle of choice, animal, state flags, etc- you get the idea. The phone number is: 859-278-1401. Or, you can visit The Eye of the Needle's Website to get an idea of what they can work up for ya.

How much is one of these belts gonna set me back?
It honestly depends. The pre-printed designs (includes the printed design, the thread, and needles) run anywhere between 60-90ish. If you want to do a custom design, it'll probably cost you a bit more because they charge per symbol. And you usually need quite a few symbols to fill up a full belt. And then, once you complete the belt, you have to pay for it to be leathered, which will cost about $60. So, yes, these belts are kind of pricey, but I have yet to run into someone who doesn't absolutely LOVE their belt.

Can you do a tutorial to explain how to needlepoint?
Ummmm, of course!!!! As a quick disclaimer, don't judge my nails. They are a hot mess- Pink Lou Lou and I have a nail date scheduled for this week. Also, Kevin's cameraman skills are far from that of a professionals, but to give him some major credit- I made him film this & refilm like 4 times because the iphone wasn't focusing well enough on the design for my liking...

Are you seriously going to do another belt for Kevin?
Color me insane, but yes. Color me certifiable, but I have actually already started on it. When we turned the belt in that I had made for his Kev's dad, Kevin went ahead & picked out a UK needlepoint belt. Yes, I have already made one needlepoint belt for him, but it was a belt dedicated to all things Kentucky!!! IE: Makers Mark, Bourbon, Keeneland, Churchill Downs, etc. He doesn't haveone that is solely dedicated to THE University of Kentucky. The good news for me is that I don't have the killer 3.5 week timeline for this new belt, like I did with his dads. My goal is to have it done in time for our 2 year Wedding Anniversary in February. Totallllly doable!!!

This is precious. Oh, as a completely unrelated aside, one of the "related" videos after your video ended was "Sleeping Pile of Pugs II," (I'm sure version one was just as riveting) and I clicked it and 1) it is ADORABLE, and I don't even like pugs, but don't tell PLL, and 2) your husband is still louder than 5 or 6 dogs with nasal problems. So, score for him.

PS - Your Lucy looks just like my fattycakes. Tabbies are awesome and I also hate cats. :o)

Not gonna lie...since I'm blocked from YouTube at work (apparently this hinders my productiveness) I went on my phone to watch the video. HYSTERICAL! OMG beau would KEEEEEEL me if I videoed him snoring...but what a great idea! Beau sa-wares he doesn't snore either. PSH! Kevin-you've been EXPOSED honey!

I LOVED the commentary at the end. Poor Lucy!

Beau's routine for getting dressed on the weekends is TO. THE. TEE.. (except with UH sports, of course) I, too, get griped at for his shirts being at the cleaners. No sympathy for that crap...he can take 'em and pick 'em up himself!

hahahah the snoring video! you my friend are hilarious. Billy doesn't snore (thank god) but he hogs the covers and sometimes I want to push him off our bed entirely. hey, we have a lot of floor space ;)

The getting ready schedules sounds about right too..but Billy will stand in our walk in closet for a solid 5-10 minutes just STARING at his clothes, to see what he can wear. just staring. no talking. I walk in and he's just looking. strange.

This was hysterical and I can honestly say that I read every word and watched your youtube vids! too freaking funny..the fiance and I sit here and read it together! I want to film him sleeping and doing something weird!!! ugh!!

thanks for the laugh chic hope kevin thinks this is as amusing as we all do

About Me

Happy as a clam living in the beautiful bluegrass state. Married to one (usually unintentionally) hilarious husband. Momma to one handsome little boy named Brooks. Fur momma to 2 dogs & 2 cats, oh my :) Lover of all things Kentucky- horses, bourbon, and obviously, UK Sports :) A few other tidbits- My family is my everything- its just a bonus that they're all crazy ridiculous & highly entertaining :) I have a fantastic group of friends that I'm mildly obsessed with. I adore my job, but at the end of the day, I always get excited to come home to my sweet boys. If you want to know any other details, feel free to ask.