Let’s not fight over the tilapia, okay?

Do you ever look at your kids and wonder where you went wrong? I can’t be the only one. I’m sitting at Tenderheart’s swimming practice and this teenage girl walked in screaming at her dad who was walking behind her and he probably wonders where it all went wrong. I won’t ask though.

I’m sitting in this sauna again for an hour and a half because no one wants anything from me here. No one is even talking to me. I’m not hearing the word, “Mom” over and over, not even once. I look up every now and then to give Tenderheat a thumbs up but that’s the only thing that’s required of me. And with my stolen borrowed Internet, I just sit here and blog.

I find people interesting. I used to live across the street from a couple who had kids about my kids’ age and one day the mom just up and left. She moved out sans kids. I couldn’t even imagine. Isn’t that interesting that dads leave all the time but when a mom leaves, it seems so strange. Now, I’m not saying I couldn’t second that emotion, but I could never leave my children no matter how much they fight. And I’m thankful every day that the monkey doesn’t want them any more than he does. There was never any fight for them, he just left and it was assumed that I’d raise them. And since that first couple, I’ve known of more where the wife just leaves and doesn’t take the kids.

I saw a quote on Facebook and it said something like, Never take too much credit for your children’s success or too much blame for their failure. I need to work on that. The monkey is especially good at swooping in to take all the credit while contributing nothing. He doesn’t take Tenderheart to a single swim practice but certainly beams with pride at the swim meet. Same with tennis matches, plays, concerts, and volleyball games. It’s incredibly hard not to be bitter, something I fail at all the time.

I think of leaving sometimes though. Just packing a bag and walking out the door. Maybe just to a movie, maybe to New York City, more likely to the grocery store. But I’m invested in these girls. I can’t wait to see how they turn out. And even as they’re fighting through dinner over who likes the tilapia and who doesn’t, these kids are my life, even when I have to go decompress in a hot, humid swimming area and blog in between giving Tenderheart the thumbs-up. Good job not drowning!!