Weekend Watch List: The Globes Get Gervais’ed!

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and cram for your psychology final. Did the fact that you procrastinate so thoroughly ever make you concerned that you may have a mental imbalance? If you had studied harder, you might know the answer. LET’S GO!

GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS – 8:00PM Sunday (NBC) It’s the one where they all get drunk. And unlike most years, when the Globes are hosted by “Randomly Generated Voice-Over Person,” this year’s awards have an actual host in one Ricky Gervais, who will presumably be able to get away with savaging these people because he’s British, and it takes an extra beat for the average person to realize a British person is mocking them. Did you know they nominated “The Tourist” for Best Picture? They really did. Even Qatar thinks that’s shady. ANTICIPATION: STAREFFING!

MISS AMERICA PAGEANT – 9:00PM Saturday (ABC) And if the Globes don’t quite satisfy your lust for meaningless honors, then tune in to ABC the night before and find out which lucky girl will be scandalized two weeks from now. Your judges include Joy Behar (Don’t give any conservative answers, ladies!) and “Desperate Housewives” creator Marc Cherry, who is qualified to judge this show because… uh… Well, he was in town. ANTICIPATION: GOWNS AND SUITS!

BIG LOVE – 9:00PM Sunday (HBO) It’s the final season of HBO’s polygamy drama, which I never watched despite people always telling me it was really good until last year, when they suddenly told me it sucked. But apparently, the show has unsucked itself and it’s final season promises more family intrigue and Bill Paxton’s family dealing with the fallout from being exposed publicly as polygamists. ANTICIPATION: SISTER WIVES!

DENIS LEARY AND FRIENDS: DOUCHEBAGS AND DONUTS – 10:00PM Sunday (Comedy Central) It’s a standup bonanza as Leary takes the stage along with fellow comedians and best buds Adam Ferrara, Lenny Clarke, and Whitney Cummings, who I assume adopted her name as a stage name just for the shock value. ANTICIPATION: JOKES!

TED HAGGARD: SCANDALOUS – 10:00PM Sunday (TLC) Follow the disgraced preacher as he attempts to establish a new congregation. Keep in mind that Haggard still doesn’t consider himself as homosexual, but rather “heterosexual with issues.” That issue? Suppressed homosexuality. And meth. ANTICIPATION: METHY!