That Bastard Murphy

Murphy’s Law has always been a bastard, but in a way, somewhat amusing.Murphy’s Law when it applies to parenting is no longer amusing – it’s just a bastard.

When your kids get you up every morning before 6am (anytime between 4:30 and 5:45) and you’re exhausted after doing this EVERY day for 7 weeks straight with no breaks, no weekends. You negotiate a sleep-in day with your other half and Murphy stops by and blesses your other half by making your kids sleep in until 7 freaking 30!!! You of course have not been so lucky because you woke up at 5am and have been unable to get back to sleep even though you need it badly and you are now fuming that everyone got to sleep in on YOUR sleep-in day EXCEPT you.

You’ve been trying to burp the baby for about twenty long minutes. You have her positioned perfectly on your shoulder on the burpy bib or towel or whatever. At the exact same moment you decide to re-position her, that bastard Murphy pops in and helps her to expel that pesky gas bubble along with half of her last feed all over you and the floor and possibly your hair. The only upside is that the burpy bib is still in pristine un-puked on condition.

Your new baby has been sleeping really well and feeding well for the last few days, you think you may have turned a corner and things are becoming much easier. You make the mistake of telling someone you have an “easy baby” when they ask after her. Murphy hears you and comes and wakes up your baby every hour and makes her vomit everywhere and get a severe case of the hungries and need to feed every 30 minutes. She screams for the other 30 minutes. This goes on for a few days and you learn never to speak of “easy babies” ever again.

Your phone has not rung for weeks. Something rather magical happens and you manage to get both kids to have a nap at the same time -this has never happened. You decide to take this rare opportunity to have a nap of your own. Just as you are drifting off to sleep, Murphy calls you. You know it’s him because it’s a wrong number. Prick.

If you do ever manage to get a moment of sleep when both kids are asleep, the cat will suddenly need you. She will signal this by meowing loudly, scratching on a door or sitting on your head. All cats work for Murphy. They are like henchman.

You have packed a change of clothes in the nappy bag for the child. Just in case. You have carried it with you everywhere for the last 5 months. You have never needed it. The day after your child pulls everything out of the nappy bag, Murphy will make you forget to repack the change of clothes and then make your child do THE poo. You know the one. The one that no nappy can contain. The one that gets on every piece of clothing including shoes and socks. Maybe even a headband if they are wearing one. Thanks to that bastard Murphy, you have to fashion a new outfit for your child out of a Coles green reusable bag and a stretchy tie-down thingo you found in the boot.

SCREW YOU MURPHY YOU BASTARD

These are the top ways Murphy has pissed me off. Please share your Murphy moments with me so we can be pissed off together.