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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

OK, a few readers have emailed me and left comments like these this week...

Anonymous said...I am not trying to be mean or judgemental, but you never say anything about disciplining your kids for negative behaviors that need to change. When kids do stuff like Clay and Brooklyn they are seeking ATTENTION! Which means you need to step up to the plate.

First off, if you want to send me hate mail, you really need to go through the proper channels. In the future, please use my hate mail form HERE. Thank you.Secondly, I don't ever say anything about what I dress myself in every day; do you think that means I walk around naked? I don't say anything about what I feed my kids for dinner every day; does that mean that I let them starve? Because I don't waste everyone's time by going into the boring details of discipline, doesn't mean that discipline doesn't exist. Understand?However, to satisfy the curiosity of non-mean readers, here's my MO when it comes to discipline.1. Whenever possible, I let the kids experience the natural consequences of their actions. For example, Jackson got mad one night, threw a fit, and whipped his iPod Touch (that he bought with his own saved money) across the room, shattering it. Now he doesn't have an iPod. If he wants another one, he'll have to save up a lot of money over a long period of time. If the natural consequence will endanger the kids, of course, I have to go to Plan B. If one of them runs into the street without looking, for example, I'm not going to let them get hit by a car in order to teach a lesson.2. When natural consequences aren't safe or feasible, I try to apply logical consequences. If I find that one of them was using their phone during school, I'm not going to make them clean the bathrooms; I'll take away their phone for a period of time. If someone has made a giant mess, then they need to clean it up.3. Consistency! I think it's super-important to say what you mean and mean what you say and be consistent about it. Don't tell your kid they're grounded until they're 30. You're obviously not going to stick to that one. I mean, who wants their 30-year-old still living at home, pouting in their room without TV or phone privileges? If you take away a privilege from your child for a week, don't let their incessant begging wear you down and make you go back on your word in four days.4. Teach! The biggest part of discipline is teaching appropriate behaviors. Yes, following up and punishing for infractions is part of disciplining, but in my opinion, a bigger part is teaching expected behaviors to begin with. Not only tell your children what you expect of them, but model those behaviors yourself. I don't attempt to control my kids. You can't control them and even if you could, why would you want to? What happens when they get older? Who's going to tell them what to do and control them then? Their peers? No, you want to teach them the skills they need to make wise decisions. When they mess up (and they will), you apply appropriate consequences, making THEM responsible for THEIR decisions.6. Lighten up. Honestly, I have the advantage of having a fairly wide age span between my oldest and youngest children. I write stories about Clay and Brooklyn getting into stuff all the time now. Just a few short years ago, I wrote stories about Jackson getting into stuff with his sidekick, Lexi. Ask any of my friends. It was all about the messes they made and the crazy stuff they did. And guess what. Jackson and Lexi don't come up with all the goofy experiments and messes they did a few years ago. They're older. They've learned. As will Clay and Brooklyn. I'm not about to go postal on them every time they make a mess or do a crazy experiment. They're kids. Kids do goofy things. They learn by exploring. They LEARN by exploring. And with redirection, unconditional love, appropriate consequences, patience, and a SENSE OF HUMOR, you'll all survive and thrive.

Do I do all those things perfectly? Heck no! I'm human. There are times when I let something slide that I know I probably shouldn't simply because I'm too flipping tired to deal with it. Are there times when I get unnecessarily mad over some trivial thing? Heck yes! I'm not perfect. I do the best I can with what I have to work with.

Are you happy now, Clark? See how boring that was? That's why I don't write about discipline. It doesn't make you laugh. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog about the goofy things kids do that don't really matter much in the long run.

Dawn,I dont know why people have to be so negative. Im sure even tho you wrote all that out they will still have something negative to say. Dont let the haters hate hun just brush them off and go on with your life. Your a great mother.. HUGE HUGS TO YOU!!

Hey Dawn, you forgot one important thing......as a single mum, you're doing the best that you can. Why doesn't "anonymous" direct comments to the children's (absent) father for the attention he's not paying them?

I'm quite sure you give your kids as much love and attention as you possibly can, and I think you're doing a fabulous job!

okay I first have to say I love your blog. I agree stupid question of course you discipline your kids. I love hearing the messes they get into. to the "anomyous" reader. Do I really want to read how you made them clean it up they complained and cried, or whatever. No offense Dawn but not really. I love hearing about your family. I have the the other drama at my house. But I did like all your answers. But number 6. hit me. Ive got to let my boys be boys (11 and 7). Everyone says that are well behaved and have good manners. But I beleive I don't let my kids be kids sometimes. so thank you for putting that tug in my heart, I believed I need. And I am going to pray that I can be half the wonderful mom you are. You are awesome and thank you so much for sharing you life with us. chrisit_speights@yahoo.com

Nice response! And I definitely detected some humor in there, so I'm not disappointed.

I'm a believer in logical consequences, too, for the most part. But I do find myself thinking that they won't necessarily get logical consequences in the real world. If they break a law when they are older, they may have to pay a fine or go to jail, even though their infractions will probably have nothing to do with money or being locked up. Just a thought. Anyway, I always try to think of a logical consequence first, but sometimes they just need a time-out!

People are funny. I've always been under the impression that your kids are going to grow up to be wonderful adults, because you let them try things and do experiments. So many people shut their kids' creativity down because they don't want to deal with the mess, and there are a bunch of adults out there who are afraid to try anything new. Kudos to you, Dawn, you are an amazing mother. :)

I cheat at Candy Land, too and I follow the same sort of discipline schedule you posted! Sheesh! And I screw up daily. Give me a break! And why always do these wierdos go under Anonymous? What are they afraid of? Cowards!

I loved your explanation in the first paragraph of your 'answer' to 'anonymous'.

Yeah, just because I don't blog about how many times a week I vacuum my carpet doesn't mean it never gets done ... wait a minute - that's probably not the best example considering the current state of my carpet.

Dawn, I feel sad that any of your readers have nothing better to do with their day than to decide what kind of parent they think you are based on your blog. These must be the same people who read People and the Star and decide that celebrities are exactly like the characters they play on TV or in the movies.

Before a person judges another, look back at your day and imagine how you would feel if someone decided what kind of parent you were based on one 20 minute period of your kids' day. If you have never yelled at your kids, forgotten to pack a lunch or walked into a room where you kids have spilled or poured stuff on the floor and looked at you innocently; then congratulations on being a perfect parent. But as an imperfect parent, I believe that I am teaching my children how to be independent people who recognize that I make mistakes and because I do, it is ok for them to make them too. You cannot possibly know how any parent disciplines their child unless you live in their home. Why would you even assume to know whether or not, how or why any parent raises their child based on what they post in an ENTERTAINMENT blog?

I feel blessed that Dawn uses her talent of making people laugh to help relieve the stress of my day. Thank you Dawn for sharing a small part of your life with me each week. I appreciate you.

Great post Dawn! People always want to criticize without the facts. I had 5 kids (4 boys) and like you had a pretty decent age gap between the oldest and the youngest. They did all kinds of crazy things when they were younger. Now they're 15-25 and have outgrown all the cute stuff and turned into sullen teenagers up to married responsible adults and parents themselves. Flipping out when they went cow tipping or when they sent one of their siblings in for stitches playing roller coaster or built an 8 foot vert ramp to slide down would have served no purpose. Consistent discipline and natural consequences... You are a great mom!

LOVE IT!!! This is why I love reading you so much Dawn!! I love that you have a hate mail form... brilliant! I want one!! What a time saver LOL. I am glad you don't actually worry about what people think... I gave that up with child #3. Have a great day!

This whole 'they only do it for attention' thing REALLY bugs me. Yes, that is true about 50% of the time but there are another hundred reasons as well, which means that a variety of different consequences need to be employed. It's called using your brain and being adaptable, and I think you're doing that very well.

I have two kids who mostly get into trouble for attention-seeking activities - they get more time-outs as punishments. The other two mainly get into trouble because they are too lazy or too impulsive (ie messy and experimental!) so most of their consequences are about doing their job properly and maybe being given extra to do.

This whole 'they're only doing it for attention' thing would have us staying in bed all day because if we never give them attention for being naughty, they'll never be naughty, right?

Great post, Dawn. :) I'm so sorry that stupid people continue to feel the need to tell you how to parent your children. You are doing a great job. Keep it up and try not to let those people (who don't have the instestinal fortitude to use their real name, but go with anon.!) make you feel bad. (Easy for me to say, I know!) :) Hang in there!

Good for you! I have never understood why people who know only a tiny snippet of you or your life from a blog would feel the need to judge and give people they don't even know "advice". So stupid and usually cowardly since many don't want to include their real name. Strange...one would almost think they knew leaving comments like that was wrong! Plus no one can step in and see what your real life is like. Everyone's situation is different and I know with 6 kids and no help from a husband that it is really tough! Keep up the funny work and "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," readers!

I still laugh when I remember the one time I was asking my kids what happened, they gave me their story and I said, are you sure it didn't happen this way? They my oldest asked, if you knew how it happened, why did you ask, and I came up with (on the fly), I really know what happens, I'm just giving you a chance to confess. We'll see how long I can get away with that logic.

Slight change of topic - I've been reading you for a while now, and DOH!, I just put it together that your kids come in pairs! Did Austin and Savannah do goofy things as a team, like Jackson and Lexi did, and Clay and Brooklyn do? I can't imagine the hi-jinks that two "great" minds can come up with. I am surprised daily by my ONE kid!

Bravo! I had 4 children within 6 years and 5 days and my oldest is 7 now. There is a time for punishment but sometimes kids are just being kids. You need to have a sense of humor to survive these years with your sanity.

GREAT POST!!! I can't imagine raising 6 kids on your own. I think you are doing a great job!! I totally agree, kids learn by exploring. I remember some of the things I did growing up, some of it very silly, but I learned! Kids do funny things, by writing them down and keeping a blog, when THEY have children who do silly things, you can show them this blog LOL and it would be a total hit with the grandkids to LOL I know looking way into the future here, but in all honesty, there will be a day when mom isn't around anymore, and what better memories than the blog for you to pass down. Love your blog and love your posts :)

You are the only Mommy blog that I read, and I've been following you for almost 3 years! I thank you for every post you've made. I am a full time working Mom. And I am so tired of people passing judgement without knowing what goes on behind closed doors. If circumstances dictate that my DH and I both work to have things better for our family, then so be it. My children are growing up balanced, happy, independent, and smart (to mention a few traits). From really LISTENING to your blog, I know your kids are turning out the same way too. Reading your blog keeps me from getting depressed and overwhelmed, and quite often makes me laugh out loud. If I was looking for better ways to discipline my kids and keep complete order in my life, I would respectfully seek it elsewhere. I appreciate the fact that you addressed those that can't see your blog for what it really is, a little getaway, some HUMOR.

You go girl! Some people can't read between the lines...kids do wrong things, they get disciplined. There's no reason for you to write about it unless YOU think there's a good reason. Some people just love finding fault. Don't let the get to you. Keep up the good work!!

Well, and my thought is, how many parents don't LIKE what their children have done, but still happen to find what they've done hilarious? I've found so many parents who TRY to be stern, but are stifling a laugh. Do the kids get disciplined? Sometimes (depends on the parent), but it doesn't mean that the mom doesn't share the crazy antics of her child(ren) with all her friends out of earshot of said child(ren).

You were a lot more patient that I would have been, my first impulse would have to have used some choice swear words and then delete their email.

Anyone with half a brain who has read you for any amount of time would realise that your posts, while indeed they do touch on some serious stuff, are mainly about the funny, annoying, mind bogglingly astounding weird things your kids do.

As you said we don't read about your every meal, that doesn't mean we think you starve the kids; ok I take that back, anonymous mean person obviously does, since they made the outstanding leap of logic from you never talking about discipline to mean that you NEVER discipline your kids.

Ignore the ignorant people and realise that 99% of us know you leave bits out.

no way you are just like us and human?! I thought you were super woman and I was gonna have my kids look up to you...now you have just dissapointed us with this. I think you should loose your contract with NIKE...oh wait you don't have one..that's right you are just a mom who started writing for fun and for release and we all just happen to read it!!!! Ugh if you think you can be a better parent then come be with her kids for a few weeks give her a break! UGH JERK....you keep up the good work Dawn you're amazing!

You have got to be kidding! Someone actually wrote to you to tell you that you should be disciplining your kids?Your response was, despite the disclaimer, humorous in its own right, but I must admit I'd have probably been tempted to say something along the lines of "I USED to discipline my kids but ever since the visit from CPS, I'm a little leary about beating the crap out of them."Now really, you have SIX CHILDREN. If you didn't know how to discipline your kids, they'd have run you out of the home at four!!! You'd never have even made it to six!!!Take it from me, typical reader: we all know you're doing a great job with your kids, and we also know that you're picking and choosing the funniest parenting stories to keep your readers entertained. We are also certain you're doing a great job teaching, loving and disciplining your children!

I wholeheartedly agree with your methods and reasoning behind them. As a teacher, I tried to do the same thing at school with my students and it seemed to work pretty well.

Another thing that I learned that works well with kids is to state the rules and expectations in positive terms. For example, "treat everyone with respect" as opposed to "no hitting, biting, name calling, etc".

Are you happy now, Clark?? She's numb from the waist down!!! LOVE the Vacation reference! ;o)

I'm glad you try not to let the mean comments get you down. There are waaaaay too many mean people in this world and, I have to say, I'm pretty tired of them judging everyone else. Your response was dead on and I'm glad you posted it -- even if it WAS boring!!! LOL

Dawn you are a GREAT Mommy and you are doing a wonderful job! I could not imagine having to do it on my own right now with just my 3. I so don't understand people when they just go out and attack people without thinking. They don't KNOW you, just because you decide to share a little bit of your life online they think they are ALL and KNOWING. UGH! What ever happened to "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?"

Another thing, if those readers were to read some of your past posts about how Savannah steps up and helps without being helped, or how she handled that friend with the clothes, they would KNOW that you are doing right. Yes, Austin might have problems with grades, but he isn't out terrorizing the world like some other teens. You are doing a GREAT job, Dawn!

Ummm, yeah... I definitely enjoy reading about Clay & Brooklyn making messes more than reading about discipline. Thanks for posting, though, so the Negative Nancys can go about their business and quit harrassing you in the comments. :)

Since this is a humorous blog I think most of us get that the misdeeds are far funnier than the ensuing discipline. Unless, of course, you can come up with some really creative discipline--then we for sure want to hear about it!

My two kids are nine years apart. Things that used to make me go balistic when my son was little barely raise an eyebrow now. Over the years you learn, "this too shall pass". My son is now 21 and a responsible adult even though I know I didn't parent anywhere close to perfectly. I'm guessing that my daughter will turn out ok, too.

You seem to have great kids and that doesn't happen by accident. Thanks for sharing all the ups and downs of parenting with us!

Just bear in mind (and I do hope that your hate-mailers are reading this) that the world is full of stupid people.

Intelligent people are bright enough to fill in the blanks and assume that you don't write down every single thing that happens in your life. We assume you shower, feed your kids, wear clothes, and use the toilet, even if you don't explicitly state it. We also assume that you discipline your kids, and that the reason you don't write about it is because, yeah, it's not very funny or very interesting.

Only stupid people would assume that if you don't write it, you don't do it.

So, how long HAS it been since you used the toilet? I don't recall you ever mentioning your toilet habits in this blog. Do you even excrete at all? What are you, a FREAK?!

Dawn - you are awesome! You write a humor blog. The things kids do are funny, disciplining them for the funny things they do is necessary, but NOT FUNNY. People are too concrete, not to mention stupid. You seem like a great mom, and I think clearly your parenting style is working for you.

I always like to hear how people respond to the nay-sayers! Fortunately, the three people who read my blog are related...I'd hunt them down!

I may have, on OCCASION, threatened to grown my kids for, say, LIFE, but it's always said when it's a humorous screw up and they know I don't actually mean it anyhow. Any other time (and I have to remind my husband of this regularly) I always follow through. Consistency is really, really hard when parenting a 3-year-old because it's constant, especially if said child is, er, "strong-willed". You show weakness once and they're all over it! Luckily, God gave me a mild-mannered one in between my two challenges. I can't wait to see what my 1-year-old turns out to be like ;)

YOU GO DAWN! I felt the neck rolling in your post as you said "FIRST OFF". That set the tone of the blog. I love the way you handle such negativity. How dare someone question your parenting when they haven't walked a mile in your shoes. Everything isn't what it seems that is the FIRST rule of thumb on these here interwebs.

Love it! I love the "Hate Mail" link(s) too....clicked on it just to see what fun you had in store for us.And thanks for the great reference to any and all of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies! They are my fave, and added that great humor we all love you for. :)

It always amuses me when people ASSume they know all about you (general you) and your family and everything that goes on in your life by a few posts. To just assume you don't discipline your kids because you don't post about it is asinine. (Do you sense the theme here??) :)

I have eight kids. I so totally get what you go through. Several years ago, my youngest son took all our VHS tapes, and lined them up end to end to form a huge box on the living room floor. Then he went and got a full box of laundry detergent and filled in his box. Walla! Instant sandbox... IN THE HOUSE. He was so proud of himself he couldn't wait to show us. How can you get mad at that?

Of course the detergent wasn't safe and we had to explain that. We explained how the soap might ruin the video tapes too and we had him help clean up "the mess". We didn't raise our voice or get angry at him. In fact we praised his resourcefulness while we laughed at it.

Guess what? He never made that particular mess again. Nor did he play with laundry soap again. Sure he's made a ton of messes in his life since (and clothes on this kid last about a week with how hard he plays). But point is, he PLAYS. He uses his imagination, he enjoys LIFE. He's also well-behaved *most of the time*. :)

If I'm to assume anything by your posts, I'm going to ASSume your kids are the same way. :)

What an awesome response Dawn. I suppose it would have been easier to just ignore this idiot, but by responding the way you did, you gave the rest of us a laugh and showed "anonymous" just how stupid their comment really was. Never stop blogging the way you do and never stop telling the stories the way you do. As a Mom, you make me laugh on a daily basis because I can relate to all of your stories. They are only little once and the messes and turmoil they cause are the things that will make you laugh later when they are all grown up. You are a great Mom and your kids will grow up to be happy, well adjusted, loving adults. The kids of anonymous will probably grow up to be serial killers. LOL.

I don't always agree with the discipline methods you mention but then I don't agree with my friends either. You, like many of my friends, were probably raised under the Dr. Spock method. My mom didn't believe in his philosophy so I was raised under in a stict but loving environment. We generally raise our children the way we were raised and we obviously turned out okay. So you discipline differently than I do. Is one way better than the other? No! Is it really anyone else's business? No!

We all hope to reach the same end and that is healthy, happy, successful children. All any parent can do is their best and then hope & pray that it is enough. There is no instant gratification for us as we won't know for years (18-25 at least) whether we were successful parents or total flops and by then we'll be too senile to care!

Bravo! yep, that was totally boring and exactly what all of us do with our own children. I WISH my kids were more adventerous- please, by all means, help yourselves children... Mom is not your slave and at your beck-and- call 24/7. I am so afraid that my kids aren't going to learn survival skills before they have to move out! Believe me, I'm workin at it!Thanks for bloggin about the funny stuff, b/c it IS funny b/c we have ALL been there!!

My mom learned the experiments bit really well with me for her first kid. The only one that really made her nuts was when I washed my little sister's rubber ducky and a few other things in the ultimate cleaning fluid I made... which was garlic based.

Bwaaahhahaha "Are you happy now, Clark? She's deaf."Yay, Dawn! Your blog is the only one I read and I read it because I LOVE to hear what your cool kids are doing! (much more interesting than discipline!) Some people just don't get it...the fartknockers. :-)

OMGosh, you REALLY do have a HATE mail form! I laughed so hard tears were running down my face! Great response, loved it as always! You are a much nicer person then I. I would've probably blasted "Clark" lol have a great evening!

Would Anonymous like to share with the rest of the class how many kids he/she has? Or does (s)he limit him/herself to dogs who conveniently eat off the floor and never have to go along on grocery store trips?

Actually, I'm kind of glad to hear how you handle discipline with 6 creative kids. It helps me remember what's important about disciplining my own kids. Any ideas about instilling respect? My 3 yr old talks back a lot lately. I think smart people realize you are disciplining your kids even though you don't write about it. You are doing great. Keep writing about the stuff Clay and Brooklyn get into, they are so adorable.

Hey Dawn, As a mother of six also, you cannot be everywhere all the time. Our kids are not born with the innate ability to be perfect. Obviously we do not grow up to be perfect either. We tend to make our own "messes" a lot of the time. But I wrote to say that my kids love to sit around the dinner table or on a long drive hear their dad and I tell of all the wonderful things they did when they were little. What was a pain in the neck way back when (for the oldest that is) is now fond family memories. Keep up the memory making you and your kids are doing a great job!

Some people have nothing better to do with their time. You did an awesome job explaining your discipline techniques, but *yawn* get back to the funny stuff! ;) You're doing a super job. As a mom of a 2.5 yr old and 10 mo old twins - all boys, I might add - I'm in awe of you! Keep up the good work. And maybe one of these days, I'll come up with a good SSO question.

You are hilarious even when you're not. :) I love the hate mail section. How do you come up with this stuff? Also, I think you need to update your picture on top. With all your free time, I'd like you to try. lol :) Have a great day.

This is my first time to visit your blog and already a controversy! How interesting and what a lot going on! Congratulations on your book and I'm sorry to read about your divorce. Will read your back posts but I've a feeling this is going to take some time! http://my.statcounter.com/project/

*Lifts glass of wine* Cheers, Dawn. There are so many of us who love you, and love your kids, and enjoy your daily (well, sometimes every-other-daily, and occasionally weekly) posts! Don't let the haters get you down, girl. Just remember that if they had real lives of their own, they wouldn't have time to hate yours =)

Very well said Dawn! I wish I was half the mother that you are! I know sometimes I yell at my kids (all 4) for the little thing simply because I'm exhausted! But I also feel I present appropriate discipline when necessary. Like you said, we're not perfect. I guess if 'Anonymous' is perfect, good for her!! But I wonder if her kids are being kids.Please don't let the haters deter you! Please keep sharing the wonderful stories of your life!! I know I appreciate them and you!

It's not often I hear another parent say that she doesn't try to control her children. Thank you. I firmly believe that if people would try to teach instead of control parents would have a lot less difficulty. That and understanding age appropriate and natural behavior. Like teens sleeping a lot. They are going through growth spurts and the body needs extra sleep for that. Didn't anyone but me pay attention in science class? Am I really the only adult who remembers what it was like to be a kid?