Saturday, 31 December 2016

Yeah, I think so, but I didn't read that far into it because it was SO obviously not written by you. Wasn't funny at all, and there was like, no hook, you know what I mean?

Er, really? Because I ---

You guys talking about that weird spam from the other day?

Yeah from Amy? Did you see it?

The yoga thing? Uh-huh but there's like no way Amy wrote it. You can tell, because it's like so not her.

Guys? It might've been me? Is it like the thing with my yoga friend?

Well, like could be, but it reallllly didn't sound like --

Hang on, so you ARE doing it? You're teaching a yoga class?

Well, it's a workshop. Like, guided meditation and then like, some writing instruction and opportunity for uh -

You ARE teaching it? Because man, it really didn't sound like you've written it. Wow. I'm shocked What's it about?

Finding your inner voice.

Oh.

Possible Trite Sayings That Could Correspond To This Situation:

1. Those who don't know, teach
2. Physician, heal thyself
3. To thine own self be true
4. It doesn't matter where you are coming from, it matters where you are going

Sunday January 22 9:30am-12:30pm$50 in advance, $60 at the doorl"Esprit Rehabilitation Centre near Vendome Metro, Montreal Click here to register via e-maillimited space available and not to show off but half the spots are already taken

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Made vague plans with new friend to have lunch at some point in the next couple of weeks.

Text her this morning to see if she's free Thurs.

No, sorry can't make it.

Oh. Sounds kinda cold.

Really? I text back. No Plan B? No How's Fri? No Lunch doesn't work - how bout a coffee?

Sorry. Parent in hospital. Hole in roof dripping water onto brand new teak coffee table. Dog just barfed and is eating it.

OMG no. It's me that's sorry.

Complaint Lessons Learned
1. So quick to joke around when in fact something (many things) are actually wrong
2. Texting not always the best way to communicate but how else are you supposed to make lunch plans.
3. Gotta love new friends who tell it like it is. Next lunch is on me, cupcake.
4. Teak? Really?

Sunday, 25 December 2016

Ordering in from Vegan Restaurant for Vegan Son (read back story here)

Vegan Son wants Vegan Brownie.

Vegan Brownie from this Vegan Restaurant renowned in Vegan World but not on take out menu.

Order food online and click on halva sesame cookie and chocolate chip-ish cookie.

Put note with order saying if you have any Vegan Brownies please send and we will pay vegan driver.

Vegan Restaurant calls. We have Vegan Brownies but we can't send them to you because you didn't click to add them to your basket.

Can you add them to my basket now?

No I'm sorry that would be impossible.

You can add them to my tab and I will pay the vegan driver when he or she or they gets here.

No I'm sorry that would be impossible. You need to add brownie to your basket yourself.

Hang up phone and tell Vegan Son he is out of luck.

Vegan Son says Mom. Seriously. You have gotten way more complex blood out of way more stubborn stones. Please.

Ok fine. Will try harder.

Call Vegan Restaurant back. Is there any way at all I can get a Vegan Brownie for my Vegan Son.

Well, you would have to log back onto menu and create a new order.

But minimum order is $15.

Yes.

So I would have to order $15 worth of Vegan Brownies? (Which by the way is like 2.5 brownies. Vegan Lifestyle costs lots of Vegan Money. Hence the term Greenbacks. Just kidding. Click here for origin of word).

1. Vegan Brownie being pursued by undercover vegan operatives so must go undercover as a cookie.
2. Vegan Brownie part of Brownie independence movement and must be added to basket by itself.
3. Vegan Brownie refuses to be delivered by car because of drilling in the Arctic (or is it Antarctic?)
4. Vegan Brownie is actually delicious.

What're you missing? That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid if I order them, they'll be here late.

Only one thing not here yet.

Yeah?

The alarm clock.

Possible Conclusions to Draw
1. People who buy alarm clocks probably order them late so they can't possibly get there on time
2. People who sell alarm clocks should be using them to get up on time and get to work to fill orders
3. Kid who was getting alarm clock for Christmas is probably happy it didn't show up and is getting cash instead
4. How long was this elevator ride