To see Theresa May at PMQs, in the sweaty, raucous Commons, is like seeing a teetotaller at a New Year’s Eve bunfight. She tries to engage in the party’s japes.

She essays the occasional joke. But there is no disguising that she is several beers behind the peloton.

Mrs May yesterday took her second PMQs. She entered the Chamber clutching a handkerchief. Perhaps she had caught a cold at the G20 summit in China. Her voice was possibly a little thicker than usual.

Scroll down for video

David Cameron used to inject some boyish fizz into his delivery when he praised sporting wins. Mrs May did not quite convey anything like the same excitement

Dressed in black, she began with congratulations to the British Olympics team on coming second in the Rio 2016 medals table, beating China. It was not strictly necessary to mention the Chinese and therefore may be notable that she, just back from negotiations in Beijing, did so.

Her tone was neither mischievous nor sporty. David Cameron used to inject some boyish fizz into his delivery when he praised sporting wins. Mrs May did not quite convey anything like the same excitement.

George Osborne, looking on as Julian Sturdy MP speaks, has plonked himself in the top right part of the Chamber - the 'naughty corner'

Of Mr Cameron (Con, Witney) there was no sign but George Osborne (Con, Tatton) was in attendance and had plonked himself in the top, right part of the Chamber – the ‘naughty corner’.

Barrel-tummied MP Alec Shelbrooke is one of life's two pudding men

This is the part of the Westminster terraces where the dirtiest heckles tend to be made, usually by a barrel-tummied Tory called Alec Shelbrooke (Elmet & Rothwell). One of life’s two-pudding men, is Mr Shelbrooke.

It seemed an odd area for Mr Osborne to choose his perch but he was soon honking away with laughter at the Shelbrooke repartee, which starts the moment the session begins and continues almost unabated until Speaker Bercow finally decides that it is time for his lunch.

One who habitually sits nearby tells me that the Shelbrooke belly throws off the most amazing heat. It is apparently like being near the open door to a pizza oven. Directly underneath him yesterday sat that delicate soul Oliver Letwin (Con, W Dorset), blinking somewhat at the roars of abuse being bellowed by the Elmet & Rothwell bugle. Poor Oliver. The sooner he can retire to academia, the better it may be for his nerves.

Mrs May did okay. She was composed. She did just enough to cheer her backbenchers. This is more than can be said of Jeremy Corbyn.

Kiss goodbye to the homeowner vote, Jeremy: Corbyn questioned the Prime Minister about house prices, displeased that they had risen

Share this article

Share

The Labour leader chose to ask about house prices – he was displeased that they had risen. Kiss goodbye to the homeowner vote, Jeremy. House-price inflation is Middle England’s pension plan. Mrs May used a couple of pre-cooked jibes against Mr Corbyn. One of them was a leaden reference to his spat with Virgin Railways, when Mr Corbyn pretended to have no alternative to sitting on the floor of a train.

‘Even on rolling stock they’re a laughing stock,’ intoned Mrs May. As gags go, it was pretty wooden. Even Mrs T might have said it with greater oompf. But the Tory troops brayed.

Labour MPs were in despair. Stephen Kinnock (Lab, Aberavon) did a spade gesture (as in ‘when in a hole, stop digging’). His friend Jess Phillips (Lab, Yardley) found this most amusing. Behind the Speaker’s Chair, meanwhile, Chuka Umunna (Lab, Streatham) pouted and threw his giraffe eyelashes to the ceiling while he listened to his party leader.

Even Mrs T would have handled it with greater oompf. But the Tory troops brayed

Immediately after PMQs, Mrs May made a statement on the G20 summit. This began with what was, basically, a firm reprimand to Brexit Secretary David Davis. Mrs May said that Brexit would be approached in ‘a sober and considered way’ and that ministers would not be providing ‘a running commentary on every twist and turn of the negotiation’. Mr Davis, the May camp feels, spoke a little too freely from the despatch box on Monday.

Mrs May mentioned his name. ‘Where is he?’ cried Labour MPs. As it happens, he had just nipped out of the Chamber (to go to the loo?). He re-entered a couple of seconds later, to cheers, grinning broadly. I do hope he and Mrs May are going to get on.