Depending on who you'd ask, it was either cold as heck, or cold as hell.

Cold as hell never really made any sense. Hell is fire and brimstone, what poetic-type decided it was cold? Fuck that guy.

(What the hell is a heck anyway?)

There was this guy, in a bar, out of his goddamn mind, like Jack Nicholson in the Shining, named Jack. He kinda looked like Jack Nicholson too, even drank the same drink every night as Jack
Nicholson in the Shining, bourbon.

This guy, Jack, was sitting by his lonesome as he did every night, near the counter. (The bar was a shit-stain, I forgot to mention. Kinda looked like a shit stain from outer space, well,
supposedly. That's what Jack said, anyway.)

So anyway, Jack was sitting near the counter of the shit stain bar, and the bartender is accompanied by a young apprentice. (Apprenticeships for bar-tending is totally a thing now) and lets him
take over for a bit.

Jack, being Jack, was out of his drunken mind, and just sat there like a shit-stain, in the shit-stain bar, with his arms spread across the counter, in a kinda divine way (you had to be there to
understand) and the kid comes up to him and asks:

"What can I get cha"

Jack slowly lifts his head from the counter, phlegm oozing out the mouth, and slurs :

"Usual!" and thumps his head back on the counter.

The kid pours the drink and taps it on the decayed wood by Jack's nestled head.

Jack then cocks up and takes a sip.

Now for some reason, Jack tastes a phantom ice-cube within the bourbon. The thing is, there never was an ice-cube, but Jack being Jack, calls out on it.

"What the hell is this shit" is slowly uttered with deadly eye contact to the poor kid.

"If I wanted my drink on the rocks, I would of fucking said so, wouldn't of I?"

The kid is frozen with fear.

"You fucked up, kid. You done fucked up now, didn't ya"

Jack grabs the invisible ice cube and throws it out of the glass.

"You gone fucked up!"

Jack is now waving around, spazzing like a grade-A nutcase, in a shit-stain of a bar. There's a kid who's reacting to the usual Jack behaviour like a Lovecraft hero who's just witnessed the
impossible, and the senior bartender is snorting coke in the bathroom.

"I've fucking had it with this place. I'll find another bar and party there like it's nineteen-fucking-eighty-nine"