Archive for the Pilsner Category

You would think unemployment would give you tons of free time. Turns out I’ve been a busy bee, hence the lengthy duration between last post and this one. A few weeks ago I went to The Winking Lizard to celebrate my final day of employment and drink four more World Tour Beers. Fortunately, I took some notes, so here we go…

First up was the Polestar Pilsner from Left Hand Brewing Company. This pilsner has 5% ABV and 33 IBUs. I found the aroma to be very hoppy. The coloring was a super light yellow that was almost see-thru. I found the Polestar to start out hoppy, but have a smooth malt finish. There was a slight tangyness to this beer… it didn’t taste like orange, but rather, as if it were infused with orange, if that makes any sense. The name made me think celestially, so on my Constellation Scale from 1 to Orion, I will award Left Hand Polestar Pilsner with “Sagittarius.”

The second beer was another from Left Hand, the 400lb Monkey. I didn’t read the guidebook before ordering, and this ended up being an IPA. As it turns out, I found it to be a very easy to drink beer, for an IPA. Stronger that the first beverage, the Monkey clocks in at 6.7% ABV with 60 IBUs. I couldn’t really get a good sense of the armor on this one, nor could two of my compatriots. Perhaps this is made with Iocane Powder? The color of this beer was on the orange side of amber, and again, another see-thur beer. I found this to have a sharp aftertaste, and very herbal. According to another member of my party “this tastes like chewing on lemongrass.” She didn’t go on to indicate if this was good or bad. While I did previously state this was “good for an IPA” it is still an IPA, and thus I wasn’t really that big of a fan. I would venture to say that if you like IPAs, you’ll enjoy the 400lb Monkey. On a Simian Scale from 1 to King Kong, this one is going to get a Rafiki.

Next is one of my favorite beers, and the one that is currently highest rated among my World Tour beers, 3 Philosophers by Ommegang Brewery. The most potent beer I drank that night, this bad boy is 9.8% ABV with only 15 IBUs. As a disclaimer, I’m a lightweight. So it was a little tipsy when writing the notes for this beer and the next one… 3 Philosophers has an aroma that smells like sex and dreams. The color is that of molasses with a hint of love. It tastes like the Triforce of Wisdom in liquid form. Super smooth, with just a hint of cherry.* Pure joy and alcohol. I have no idea what sober me could add that would more clearly state what tipsy me has already said. On a Philosophic Scale from 1 to Aristotle, I award 3 Philosophers a prestigious ranking of Nietzsche.

After two strong beers, my final beer of the evening was the wimpy Long Haul Session Ale, by Two Brothers Brewery. Only 4.2% ABV and 27 IBUs for this one. While I didn’t expect it to be as good as my last drink, I was pretty disappointed. I always think it is a bummer to end the night on a beer that you don’t really like. I neglected to note an aroma. Perhaps I’m a horrible person, perhaps that is just how underwhelmed I was, who can say? For color, I observed that it was “the color of mahogany, if mahogany was suffering from depression.” As for taste, I’ve got down that it tastes “like the sorrow of broken dreams. Also, carmely.” Waxing philosophic about bad beer – its what I do. On my Scale of Broken Dreams, from 1 to I Don’t Have Superpowers, this super quality -sarcasm- Long Haul Session Ale gets a score of I’m Not An Astronaut.

So, guess who went to 1.5 games of March Madness? Me. I was shocked too, since I’m not really one for the sports-ball matches.** My lovely girlfriend is a Georgetown alum, and their game was in town. Her dad was on deck to go but couldn’t make it, so I stepped up to the plate. Er, foul line? Whatever. I tried to ask intelligent/insightful questions and pay attention to the games. That was made easier because my phone wasn’t getting any internet connection, so any temptation to utilize it wasn’t there. Anyways, she’d given me one of her shirts from college (no, it wasn’t a ladies tee). Multiple people, making the assumption that I was a student/alumni/fan/knew anything yelled team specific things at me. I was like a deer in headlights, much to the amusement of my lady. She then taught me a few of the most commonly used Georgetown phrases so that I would be able to respond when a stranger yelled at me. I ventured off on my own for a pee break, and stood there, silently repeating the phrases/responses in my head, mid pee. Sometimes I’m weird like that. Honestly, I was happy to go with her, but I must say I didn’t find it terribly exciting. In fact, I think the whole March Madness thing could use an overhaul. I did some research. Turns out a team ranked 16th has never beat a team ranked 1st,*** and out of 108 games, a team ranked 15th has only beaten a team ranked 2nd 6 times. This seems super unexciting to me. I think the games would be more evenly matched, and thus more exciting, to have 1st v 2nd, 3rd v 4th, all the way down to 15th v 16th. Sure, the top teams would still probably have an edge, but I bet we’d see more upsets, and a much more interesting Elite Eight and Final Four. Granted I know only the rudimentary amount on basketball, so maybe that’s a horrible idea. I just think it would be more fun.

Well, that’s all for now. Cheers!

* Normally I HATE cherry flavoring, especially in beers. For some reason though, the fact that there’s just a hint of it in this particular beer, I really dig. Go figure.

** Except for hockey (Go Pens!) and Rugby (Go Squirrels!).

*** For anyone unaware, 16 plays 1, 15 plays 2, all the way to 8 playing 7.

…or else space probes will destroy the Earth. Today’s beverage is Scrimshaw Pilsner from North Coast Brewing Co. This pils is only a 4.4% ABV, the weakest I’ve reviewed so far. I’ve got to say that this beer, while not bad, is entirely unmemorable. I had two of them at a happy hour after work and yeah… I can’t remember a lick about it, and they were the only drinks I had. The best thing I can say is that Scrimshaw is better than anything in the Bud/Miller/Coors family, and only slightly more expensive.

On a scale from 1 to Orca, I’d give Scrimshaw Pilsner a ranking of “Beaked Whale.” Up to this point I’ve been allowing people to draw their own conclusions about my rankings, but I’m going to explain this one. Beaked whales sound like something that would be awesome*, and they are. However, it was the only type of whale that I previously knew of, but then forgot existed, until I googled “whale types.” So, I remembered neither the whale nor the beer, hence the appropriateness of the rating.

I learned two things in the shower this morning. One: I was able to recall a distressing number of whale types. Two: I can’t make very good whale sounds. The second was especially distressing, as I am sometimes known for making sound effects, especially my Wookie Roar.**

Speaking of learning, allow me to drop a little knowledge on you all. By “all”, of course I actually mean “people that don’t know what scrimshaw is.” Ahem. –in my best monotone tour guide voice- Scrimshaw is art carved into whale bones. Perhaps, faint hearted reader, you are deeply concerned by the wholesale slaughter of our planet’s largest mammal – allow me to put you at ease. While there are mean nasty whale poachers out there, and while a good deal of scrimshaw is a result of that… most isn’t. See, when Quinn the Eskimo went whale hunting, he used all the whale parts he could. People used whales for food, lamp oil, all sorts of stuff. Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, Aquaman just uses whales to run into things, which seems like a dick move to me. Anyways, much of the art on the animals’ bones is actually done in honor of the great beast that provided so much for the hunter/family/tribe. Whaling was banned in 1986*** so if you decide to buy some lovely scrimshaw, get some that was made prior to that. Note: the art, not the beer. Buying beer from before 1986 seems unwise.

Back to the beer. Wait, no… still nothing.

I’d like to give a quick shout out to Katherine Katie, who accompanied me to happy hour. She also has the distinction of being the first person in one of the pictures, even if you can only see her elbow. Katie’s Elbow sounds like a good name for something… small European hamlet? Terrifying elbow related medical condition? Non-hipster indie band? Since I’m acknowledging people, I want to say thanks to the folks that have left comments. Also, if anyone has a beer they’d like me to try, and then write about, I’m open to suggestions.

Pro Tip: When hunting whales, or any large sea creature, it really helps to shout “…from hell’s heart I stab at thee…”