Ramblings of the Stoned VII

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"Write drunk, edit sober." - Ernest Hemingway

-You can seem more eccentric to people that have just met
you, because they think every weird little phase you're going through or kick
you're on is how you are all the time. I've
had a couple people that I've bumped into from high school that I didn't really
know too well, that thought I'm obsessed with 80s music, because of that
couple months after I bought the "The Wedding Singer soundtrack", and had it
playing when I drove up to the school with the windows down.

-Dont ever feel disappointed or cheated if you miss the last
bit of dialogue in a special news presentation.
It's just the host trying to wrap it up while seeming like he still has
something to say about the subject in a way that leaves the audience satisfied,
while padding presentation to the appropriate length. Remember what writing the last paragraph of a
research paper in high school was like? "In conclusion, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda..."

-When an animal sees you reading, it doesn't understand what
you're doing. It would be like a human
looking at a motherboard. Just to look
at it, it seems as if it's doing nothing, when in reality, it's transferring
information in amounts that would be incomprehensible to the observer.

-I think one of the most unsettling parts about getting called
at home because you overslept is not
because of realizing that you're two hours late for work, but it's being in
bed, your true comfort zone, and hearing the angry voice of your boss. That's a deep security breach.

-Few definitions have been tossed around as carelessly as "wrestler" by the WWE. They do the
initial grapple, then one gets the other in a headlock, and thats the last of
the actual wrestling moves you'll see for the remainder of the match. Its almost like Vince McMahon orders all the
matches to begin that way as a sort of disclaimer to avoid formal accusations
of false advertising.

-The difference between a man's favorite actor and his 11-year-old daughter's favorite actor is the father doesnt give a fuck about what
Robert DeNiro's favorite food is.

-Put two people of the same intelligence side by side, and
the one that talks less is always going to look smarter.

-There's a lot of atheists out there that totally shit on theists
for believing in something they have no hard evidence of, because they read it in
a book, and/or someone told them about it. However, they believe that atoms exist, because
their science teacher told them they do, and their science texts all had a very
clear illustrated interpretation of what they would probably look like, if they
weren't invisible to the human eye, even under a microscope.

-When I lived at home, I hated when my mother had the day
off, because she'd always have a project for me if I was hanging around the
house. Now I realize she was probably
just trying to get me to get out so she could have the house to herself on her
day off. That way, even if she couldnt
make it happened, at least she could get the space behind the washer and dryer
cleaned, or some wallpaper she decided she no longer liked stripped. Smart lady...

-Sometimes watching a politician's smear commercial gets me
to have the same reaction I have when playing Street Fighter II against a
friend, and they pick M. Bison, and just do the roll attack over and over: "Dude...That is so cheap."

-Does there exist a Sinbad movie that does not dwell in the
clearance bin?

-This guy's been pissing me off at work, and I've been
fighting the urge to hide bits of hot dog in his dashboard vents when he's not paying
attention, so every time he puts on the fan, it'll smell like hot dogs. He's been trying to sell it, and I imagine
him explaining to potential buyers "Yeah, it's been doing this weird thing
lately, when you turn on the heat, it smells like hot dogs...But otherwise, its
a totally solid car, bro."