Without saying a word, the glassy-eyed fresher goes calmly to his room and returns with a pitchfork, plunging it into Simon’s chest while repeatedly screaming ‘now you are mine, now you are mine, temptress whore’.

Subsequent adverts will follow Joe as he uses BT Infinity broadband internet to stalk terrified Anna, who flees to Tangier.

A BT spokesman said: “Customer feedback about the previous slew of adverts said people wanted more impalement and suffering.

“As a bonus we also get to see Joe masturbating furiously on a fire escape, while crying.”