So Many Mistakes

My intention here: this is not a “poor me” or “poor mom who has an autistic teen” post. It’s about owning up to past behavior that I think seeps into the present even though my ego would like to believe that it doesn’t. I know for certain that it does, though, from a recent wake-up call. I was having a conversation with someone elsewhere online in which I was commiserating and agreeing in the conversation as a fellow disabled person, but due to how I phrased something it came off offensively rather than in a supportive way.

Reblogging this below entry is “looking back at my mistakes, and wanting to make amends” post. Some of it I’m working out “out loud” in an effort to keep other parents from making similar mistakes that I made way back when and still make in spite of myself.

It’s been about eight years since I wrote the below entry. I was so excited because I jumped in feet first into being a parent that LISTENED versus one of those parents who pitied being a parent of an autistic child. I had turned my back on Autism Speaks and others of their ilk. I was speaking for my daughter, but it still came out with my voice. I came off as so. damn. smug.

I know now that my voice and approach came off as if I were speaking above autistic voices; as if I were an authority over them. That was wrong of me.

I placed myself smack in the middle of the Autism community, thus elevating my voice, as a parent. When I described the community as a whole in this post, I placed autistic voices first, but then I added everyone else and they all added up to be More Than the autistic voices. That was wrong of me.

Autistic voices should always, always be first. But this is what the rest of us forget: Autistic people ARE the community. The rest of us who are lucky enough to be in their orbits are only on the fringe of the community by virtue of their invitation by note of; their patience in answering questions; their love for us; their self-advocacy; their opinions about what doctors, therapists, teachers, scientists, agencies, and parents say and do; their personal stories about childhood, employment, relationships. It’s up to us to earn trust because it’s so easily broken. I hadn’t really learned that completely yet.

Sure I’m A Mom

As a mom I’m not even an authority on being a parent to someone who is autistic. Why not? I’m just one mom to one autistic daughter. I may have some insights as a mother, based on a learning curve, but almost all with thanks to listening to the real authorities: autistic bloggers, writers, authors. I may be a near-expert on my own daughter because she lets me in and I ask her questions and let her lead. I pay attention to her communication. I learned that imperative lesson from other autistic people who wished their parents had done that for them; and those whose parents did do that for them. Thank God for them.

My daughter was only seven-ish years old at the time that I wrote that entry. I’d only been following blogs written by autistic writers for a couple of years but in regard to autism, not exclusively. I hadn’t yet figured out how the different language issues were layered yet, and which other issues were severe social and family issues. I didn’t know how serious abuses were yet. I didn’t realize I could trigger someone with a careless word.

Implied Privilege

When I wrote that blog, I was listening to autistic voices but I didn’t necessarily hear them all of the time. I ‘m afraid I made the wrong issues more important than the people.

Worse, I used the privilege implied in being a parent who was researching and listening, albeit not hearing, to be heard and to advocate in a way that I thought was appropriate. Instead I sounded smug. I can only hope that I never passed along dangerous information in that manner. When I come across posts where I think that might be the case, or it’s borderline, I have and will either update or delete them. I don’t want to perpetuate harmful information and I’m sorry for that.

When I stumbled on this post again, it really embarrassed me. It embarrassed me because even though it was eight years ago, I think I still use the tone in it without meaning to do so. I also know that for some people, my sentence structure and grammar can come off as snooty and boy… is that evident in this post I dug up. I was going to either delete that blog entry, or update it. I’m a big fan, 98% of the time, of taking complete responsibility for something posted and leaving it up for posterity with the hope that someone can learn from my mistakes and hopefully see a progression from ignorance to, well, I guess “less ignorant.” More enlightened is my goal.

I chose to leave this one up because it represents a journey, and updating it or deleting it would have ignored the work our family has done to grow.

I Apologize

I’d like to apologize to autistic people for my ignorance, past and present. I may have learned things over the years that helped my knowledge, but not my pride. I’m sorry that over the years, I’ve spoken over your voices or in place of your voices as if I were more of an authority. I’m sorry that my hubris got in the way of my humility. Please know that it’s not something that I ever intended. Please know that I’m always open to hearing where I’m making mistakes, my language is inappropriate, my education is outdated. I want to succeed more often than not. I want to continue to work at self-improvement, open-mindedness, humility.

Intended or not, it still happened. I take full responsibility.

I hope that you forgive me.

From Harmful to Helpful?

How do I become more helpful to the community (including other communities) I want to advocate with?

Be mindful of past mistakes and current behavior

More active listening on my part

Listen more than speaking; this really is important, so much that I just said it twice

Don’t place my voice as an authority in a community in which I’m really only orbiting

Remember that it’s not simply advocating FOR… it’s advocating WITH because

Go out of your way to make sure the people you converse with know that you

Those who have the disability that you don’t have are also self-advocating as a whole and for others in their group who may not be able to self-advocate

I know that as a parent, as a woman, I’m going to continue making mistakes because I’m not perfect. There are thousands of mistakes I haven’t even made yet. I’m going to do my best to be much more mindful of how and when my mistakes and failures occur so that I don’t make the same mistakes again, over and over. I can only hope that I’m not the same person I was eight years ago, and that I can grow each day without allowing my mistakes to define me.

I want to be a good example to my children. I hope this is how. And now I need to press “Publish” but I’m kind of nervous about it. I don’t want this to sit in drafts for weeks or months.

If you visit various online communities you may notice that some people refer to autism in one of two ways. As autism or as Autism. As a mother of someone with Autism, I tend to use Autism when spe…

That moment when, even though you feel guilty for multiple reasons, you do something that changes your entire life.

I turned in my resignation. I did it. I did it with a letter. This time, my boss didn’t try to convince me to stay after our long discussion. This time, she understood. 15 months ago, she convinced me to stay, “just until the annual meeting,” and I promised that I would. I guaranteed her those three months, and then, “we’d talk again.”

This time, when I turned in my resignation, she had already announced her own retirement.

I have five days left, including today, and I promised I would finish up my notes for my files. I hope that I can. I promised I’d stay an extra day or two if I couldn’t finish up by my last day. I’m a sucker. I really am. I don’t know why I didn’t just keep up with my notes as I went along.

Yes I do, that’s a lie. It’s because there’s been so much work piled up with my consumers and at some point, it was the paperwork that took the hit. Now I’m paying for it. It’s okay, I’m not taking new people on. I’m wrapping up and passing my people on to coworkers because that’s the way it goes here.

So today, there’s a Board Meeting. It’s a mostly-new board with a brand new Board Chairman and he’s pretty awesome. He’s got a lot of energy and brings a lot to the table. I forget how it came about, but at the annual meeting he ended up offering to buy me a cup of iced coffee as an apology for something, and I forgot today was the board meeting so he chastised me for not e-mailing him with my favored coffee flavor. I told him, then hedged, and told him that Friday is my last day because he offered to bring the coffee next week. He seemed genuinely bothered, so I explained about my health and current family concerns, but how much I love the agency and the people I work with. He asked if there was anything the board could do to keep me here and stated that if I change my mind after a period of time I’d be welcome back any time. I told him that meant a lot to me and I’d keep it in mind.

That was kind of awesome.

Now I only have to worry about getting my SSDI application completed, and waiting three months or so for them to respond with an approval. But I have to actually stop working first. I’m nervous. I’m really nervous. This whole thing is a huge life decision. It changes my life, my husband’s life, and that of my children. I realize that it also affects the work place that I’m leaving.

I have to be selfish this one time. I have to listen to my body and my family. I can even take this as a chance to talk to my daughters about how this choice still fits in with being a feminist.

When it comes to parenting, the books don’t always have the answers. Each book has a special parenting method, and if you just stick with that special method you’ll have amazing children. They’re grow up to be well behaved, respectful, intelligent, daily blessings of joy and love.

Those books are lies.

Most parents figure that out by the time their children are 1-to-2 years old. Sometimes it takes longer, but that’s likely due more to the temperament of the child and not the stellar parenting as followed from the advice in those books. They just might make it to 5 years old, but if that child really is just a totally chill little human being, it takes having a second child with a completely different temperament.

The books were worthless except as kindling until our third child. By then, I had realized that it’s not the book but the child, and every child has a different mother.

Every child has the mother they need because they’re all different people. The books should really only address the care, when it comes down to it. We need books that are honest and straightforward that will be Actually Helpful to new parents of babies, and stressed out parents of toddlers and teens.

Books parents need:

Mostly Judgement-Free Parenting Series

“How to Feed My Baby: Until he’s not hungry any more”

“How to Diaper My Baby: What’s best for your wallet, your tolerance for cutting coupons, your love of Pinterest, and ability to sew”

“The Best Ways to Get Baby to Nap: Learn baby’s sleep patterns, then work around it”

“How to Get Baby on My Schedule: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

“Toilet Training by One: Good luck with that one”

“How to Feed a Picky Eater: Give her what she likes”

“Discipline? Yes, always, your child is not your friend or best buddy”

“Discipline: You have more options than ‘spanking’ and here they are”

“Going Back to Work After Baby: Why not, after all Dad gets to and who’s to say that Dad shouldn’t be the stay at home parent anyway?”

“Staying Home/Going to Work After Baby: Budgeting, Care for Baby, Scheduling, Family Time, Let’s Work it Out!”

“How to Prepare for Going to the Hospital for Baby: includes a tear out sheet of “List of People to KEEP OUT OF L & D and Maternity” to give to hospital staff so that you won’t have to be the bad guy to family that you don’t want there!”

“Reasonable Expectations of Success and Mistakes: your child isn’t an extension of you”

“OMG My Teenagers Are Trying to Make Me Go Gray Overnight! and other things parents of three teens have been heard saying”

“Organic and Homemade! the story of the crunchy mom, whose baby ate only organic until he tasted his first Twinkie and realized there was an entire aisle of the supermarket his mom had been hiding from him, and other stories of perfect parenting gone awry”

“How Not to Say the Wrong Thing to My Teens and Make Them Cry, the story of the mom with three daughters, so really you have to know that there probably won’t be a happy ending to this story”

Up front, I’m Catholic. This entry is about education and freedom of religion.

Darth Pence wants to do to “reform” our public schools. I bow to the fact that some changes ought to be made, the main one being to pay teachers what they’re worth and put more funding into education so that we don’t continue to have a nation that doesn’t value intellectualism or education. That’s not at all what Darth Pence plans to do in his reform of public schools.

Darth Pence wants to unschool our children and remove science classes. He wants to replace science with teachings from the Bible.

I kid you not.

Biggest headline: Darth Pence, with the help of Trump’s cabinet pick Betsy DeVos, plan to evict the Big Bang and Evolutionary Theories from the public school curriculum and replace them with Biblical Creationism.

This is offensive regardless of your political affiliation or religious affiliation. It’s offensive no matter the end of the conservative or liberal end of the spectrum you fall. In spite of the smoke and mirrors, this has never, ever been Democrats versus Republicans, nor has it been Liberals versus Conservatives. The value of keeping Church and State separate is a value of all major parties that are seen as legitimate except for one.

It’s a Tea Party value, the Tea Party who are a bunch of jokers that know nothing about politics and are trying to destroy it from the inside out (admittedly, especially since. A bunch of evangelistic biblical literalists who are destroying the christian faith and the reputation of all Christians.

For a person of faith, like me, it’s about being balanced, faithful to God, being a better mother, wife, person, being truthful in how I live my life, respecting the world I live in, respecting the people I share the Earth with, being in awe of the Earth my God created, and loving this life. And in order to do that and to teach my family how to do that, I don’t need some judgmental, creepy, selfish, criminal, vile, wannabe, fake-ass President and his sidekick VP dismantling our schools, our special education programs, and our religion.

How I choose to indoctrinate my children is my choice, with my husband. Where it occurs is our choice. I want them indoctrinated in our family church that we carefully chose, and in our home. Indoctrination is to be fully controlled by us. The separation of Church and State is to be held as a sacred value.

If my children wish to pray before a test, or they wish to pray during their free time, they’re allowed due to the freedom of religion. The key is that they don’t try to convert anyone or “witness” at school (well, as Catholics we don’t do that as a rule); during free time at school they can discuss each others religions to get to know each other, and they can pray together if they want. That’s fantastic. But no class led prayer. No indoctrination.

If children … students … are to learn about religion and their creation stories in a public school there are Humanities courses or World Religions courses, Social Studies, and they teach “This is what this religion is about, what they do,” ie. the facts of various religions without commentary of the validity of any of them. If it’s indoctrination and proselytizing, then that belongs in private schools.

For those who are devoutly Roman Catholic, there’s some good news

Numerous sources confirm that Pope Francis has stated that he accepts the Theories of Evolution and the Big Bang (go to article below, and then click it).

And that is awesome. Essentially, Pope Francis recognizes that behind the Scientific Theories, there is God. Behind all of the science, there is God speaking to us and guiding us. It means he’s continued to move the Church back into the light, back towards God and away from the Dark Ages that Benedict was so determined to plunge us into. Pope Francis is a beacon of hope.

The theories of evolution and the Big Bang are real and God is not “a magician with a magic wand”, Pope Francis has declared. Speaking at the Pontifical Academy of Sciences, the Pope made comments which experts said put an end to the “pseudo theories” of creationism and intelligent design that some argue were encouraged by his predecessor, Benedict XVI.

Science explains the “how.” Religion explains the “why.”

“They’re ‘just’ theories. They can’t prove it. Science is its own religion, and you can’t trust it! You’re rejecting the BIBLE AND GOD! YOU’RE JUST A LIBTARD!”

When I’m feeling generous, I don’t assume that those people I hear that statement from are also rabid anti-vaxxers and give them the benefit of the doubt. 😉 I instead assume that they’re open to listening to reason. I don’t assume that they’re Sophophobic (have a fear of learning and being educated).

They’re actually not “just” theories. When someone dismisses a Theory out of hand, they’re forgetting middle school and high school science when they learned about the Scientific method and how to write a lab report. It was such a valuable experience learning those things, because it taught us how to approach the world. It was supposed to teach us how to be curious and question, how to touch things and be involved in the world. It taught us that we didn’t have to be scientists to value science.

Most people seem to think that a theory is vague and maybe possibly could be a fact if there were enough facts to support the idea… to support the opinion. They think that a hypothesis mean “to guess the result of an experiment.” I thought that maybe going back to basics would be a good idea for a minute or two.

A hypothesis isn’t an educated guess. It is a tentative explanation for an observation, phenomenon, or scientific problem that can be tested by further investigation. Once you do the experiment and find out if it supports the hypothesis, it becomes part of scientific theory.

Next we have Theories, with tested results that can be repeated and WILL BE repeated. A Theory is something that we know is true even if aspects of the Theory change due to obtaining new information, new interpretations, or a change in some information. A Theory can be voted on in the Scientific Community. A Theory IS NOT an opinion and takes precedence over opinions, as a Theory is in fact, factual.

A scientific theory is an explanation for why things work or how things happen. Scientists develop theories based on their observations of the world around them.Theories are based on ideas that can be tested. Theories are not speculative, or based on a guess.

kids.britannica.com/elementary/article-544886/scientific-theory?

Finally, we have the Scientific Law. A Scientific Law is so certain that it’s absolute and unchanging. You can’t vote on it, create a new interpretation of it, or change it in any way. It’s a description of observable phenomenon and doesn’t require explanation. It can be the basis of creating new Theories. Theories don’t become Laws, and neither do Hypotheses.

A scientific law is a statement based on repeated experimental observations that describes some aspects of the universe. A scientific law always applies under the same conditions, and implies that there is a causal relationship involving its elements.

If you’re Roman Catholic, and you trust in the plans of God and how he’s using Pope Francis, have hope. If you’re not Catholic, but Pope Francis is still a cool dude in your eyes, hopefully this gives you hope that Christians are not represented by those who claim christianity in the government. At least there’s something positive from 2016 moving into 2017.

The plans of Darth Pence for Education, and Trump’s cabinet pick for Education, Betsy DeVos, should upset you greatly no matter what. If you’re not upset, then you should at least be concerned or moved enough to want to write to your State Representatives, your Senator, your Governor. Be your own activist, be your childrens’ advocate. If you want the future of our country to be in the hands of godly, educated men and women then speak up. If you want your nation to be in the hands of educated men and women, speak up. We don’t have to just shut up and take it.

We don’t have to just accept it. We don’t have to just get over it. We need to do something, because he’s been following through with everything he said he would and he’s not even President yet. We’re not talking soundbytes. These are the “great things” and big changes he was talking about.

Good morning. I’m writing with sunshine outside my window and my maniac dog in his crate or he’ll try to drink my coffee and eat the chocolate chip muffin. [Post has been edited for grammar and spelling]

After the events in Washington this past week, and after the behavior of our apparent Orange in Chief soon-to-be-fake President, I’m more angry than ever. Every day, as in the campaign, there’s something new and since the election, there’s been a worsening of the news that we get daily. My anger has turned to fury and rage.

I’m a proud American, but I’m ashamed of our government. The GOP is behaving shamefully because they’re enacting ey may no longer claim that they’re on the side of Pro-Life, just as for decades they haven’t been able to claim the righteousness of being “the Christian party” in spite of the many so-called Christians and christians that side with them and hang on every word. They are actually and literally anti-Pro-Life and anti-Pro-choice. They are anti-unborn babies; they are anti-children; they are anti-adults and seniors and teens. They are anti-disabled individuals, especially if you’ve listened to them spout how much of a burden we are. Let’s just open up the ovens again, eh? Go back to Eugenics. Apparently they believe Nazi Germany had it right.

Anti-freedom. Anti-American.

If you don’t believe me, you need to trust me when I say that you have been benefiting from the Affordable Care Act (the ACA) for years now. That’s its appropriate name. It was begun years ago [decades, in fact, even before the beloved Reagan] by Republicans and simply was refined and put into place by President Obama in a, “Why the hell did we wait so long? Now is the time,” effort.”

Revenge and Dismantling a Legacy, Simply Out of SPITE

And simply to be able to say, later what a failure his Presidency has been. Except no, the failure is theirs and the failure is the legacy of the GOP. As a white woman, as a woman, as a Democrat, I doubt I need to explain why the GOP feels they need to exact revenge.

The GOP has had a hissy fit ever since and attached the moniker “Obamacare,” because they didn’t get it out there first. Why? Well, in order to get those who already hate President Obama to hate the ACA. Their behavior has never to get people to vote in their best interests, but in the interest of the GOP and helping them obtain power. In order to try to get them to believe that something that would benefit the common Republican citizen and their families, even in ways that they didn’t understand, calling it Obamacare made it easier to get people to believe that it was actually harming them and costing them more. It was so effective that business owners who didn’t want to comply chose fucked up plans for their employees and then blamed President Obama. Even those who work in healthcare, especially die-hard Republican voters, swallowed the GOP Kook-Aid on this.

But as things have gone on, more and more people who have figured out that they needed the ACA and the good it’s been for them, even if it’s needed some tweaking, the more desperate the GOP has been to try to gain complete control. They allowed the Tea Party to take hold. They did whatever it took, including treason, to get someone they thought would be a puppet and just as corrupt as they, into the POTUS.

And now, overnight, the GOP voted to defund and block amendments of protection in the Affordable Care Act, protections that would remain while they gut the rest and “make it great” or create a new plan, a wonderful plan, a GREAT plan, a plan in the works, we just don’t know what it is yet, but it’ll be great. Things that should have remained no matter how they gutted it.

And so the Senate GOP blocked the shit out of:

Protecting people with pre-existing conditions. Sorry, but you’re screwed. Remember how awesome it was when every single person who has a pre-existing condition, and was previously always rejected by their employer’s insurance plan, their spouse’s employer’s insurance plan, etc. finallygot to obtain coverage because finally it was illegal to be rejected? It was illegal because it was unfair discrimination. It still is. Until now. Because the GOP has decided this protection shouldn’t be in place. Now, even if a company allows someone with a pre-existing condition and/or disability onto their plan as a non-elderly person, premiums for those individuals to be on the plan will be higher than their peers. That’s IN ADDITION TO co-pays and deductibles.

Making it easier for younger people up to 26 yrs old living with their parents (like students) to stay on their parents insurance plan. Nope. Can’t do it. Disabled?Babies are only valuable and worth saving as long as they’re unborn. Don’t care. That protection was voted away. College students like my nephew, especially if they choose to go for higher than a BA. Or individuals that are disabled, need a better insurance than Medicare or Medicaid for a few extra years. This particular protection and expansion has allowed individuals with disabilities to have both Medicare and/or Medicaid as a secondary insurance rather than a primary insurance to their parents’ insurance, which has helped REDUCE costs of young people who require Medicare and/or Medicaid.

Maintaining access to contraception coverage, which is essential for low-income families who couldn’t afford contraception any other way. Low income families who perhaps couldn’t even afford health insurance before the Affordable Care Act was effectively put into law. Even if you hated the fact that your (or any) employer or you as an employer was “forced” to cover contraception for employees, the overall cost of contraceptives DROPPED as access to them increased; and more people used contraceptives. That means that FEWER unwanted pregnancies occurred and FEWER pregnancy terminations occurred than would have otherwise just in 2015. Isn’t a goal of those of us who are Christian to prevent unwanted pregnancies? Don’t we want to reduce the termination of pregnancies? Don’t we want to prevent young women and in fact any woman from being forced into terminations they don’t want, but being able to have legal access to contraception that’s covered for them? And for instances when contraception fails, or when so-called “natural pregnancy prevention methods” fail, or heaven forbid there’s rape or a pregnancy with a failure to thrive and the baby dies… don’t you think it prudent that the woman have safe and legal access to doctors that SHE can make a decision with on how to handle her health and pregnancy? In sterile, safe clinics and hospitals? The GOP doesn’t think so. Because they blocked the shit out of that too. Because in case you didn’t know, they’re trying to get rid of Planned Parenthood entirely. The repercussions of that? I’ll address in a whole new post.

Ensuring that the Medicaid expansion would occur. 11 MILLION Americans have benefited from this, just in 2015… and this is actually a positive. In 2015, Medicaid allowed people to become healthier and maintain their health versus being chronically ill (as well as the health of their children) at low cost or no cost. Most people on Medicaid don’t remain on it, and go off within two years or so. When people can maintain good health, that means that it’s easier for them to find work. When people don’t have to worry about the additional burden of excessive costs of healthcare and medical insurance, it allows them to concentrate better on presenting themselves in a professional manner for interviews. They can better afford a running car, haircuts, food, decent enough clothing. And so… During 2015 thousands of individuals who benefited from Medicaid were able to find jobs and finding jobs leads to no longer needing Medicaid. It also leads to fewer deaths.

Ensuring children could keep Medicaid even if their parents weren’t on it. That’s right. They voted to defund and block the amendment to Medicaid and CHIP (Childrens Health Insurance Program) which provide comprehensive health care, preventative health care, and developmental services and care. To children. Babies. Preemie babies. That would include children in low income families that can’t afford healthcare any other way that have disabilities, chronic illness, cancer, diabetes, severe injury, or any other horror you can think of. They blocked the shit out of it. Babies lives are only valuable while they’re unborn.

Our veterans. Yes, they blocked the shit out of benefits for our supposedly “most valued citizens” and most heroic… American Veterans by blocking an amendment that would have made it harder to restrict their access to health care. It’s already difficult for our veterans to obtain/access services from the VA, isn’t it. And let’s not forget this tidbit: Trump has proposed to ELIMINATE the VA through privatization and a voucher program that 2/3 of Veterans oppose. A proposition that would increase premiums, copay amounts, and difficulty in finding doctors that would accept the various insurance plans that would then be in competition with each other as costs increasingly rise annually.

So really. Almost every individual that’s not a non-disabled rich white male that doesn’t have to worry about healthcare costs is being screwed over. The GOP made extra special Fuck You’s to:

Women

Unplanned babies

Babies and Children

Veterans

Disabled Veterans

Pretty much any Disabled Person

Individuals with Pre-existing Conditions, especially if they have disabilities

Young Adults trying to establish themselves with their parents help

Poor people who need health care, who may or may not be working

Poor disabled people who need health care, who may or may not be working

Poor people, disabled or not, trying to get employed

We need to get out of the mindset that only healthy people and non-disabled people with stable, high paying jobs deserve health care. We need to get out of the mindset that disabilities and illnesses equal damage or a diminished individual. This has been a HUGE blow to disability rights.

We need to get out of the mindset that women don’t have the intelligence or rights to make decisions about their own health, about their own family planning, or about their lives. We need to get out of the mindset that women are lesser than men, and that women deserve fewer rights. This has been a HUGE blow to women’s rights.

We need to get out of the mindset that “It’s MY tax dollars paying for other people’s healthcare!” No, no it’s not. If that’s your justification for thinking that the ACA is too expensive, or why medical insurance is too expensive, it’s a strawman argument. The problem isn’t with sick people or injured people. It’s not even with poorer people than you. The problem is with the INSURANCE COMPANIES who believe that they can create any fee, any rule, and any cost whatsoever without justifying the cost without much regulation at all.

And if you think Your Money is paying for Other People’s Medicaid or Medicare, you need to learn how all of this works. Because that’s not how any of this works. There’s less than 3-to-7% fraud nation wide. The great majority of Americans are employed or have been employed. Even those who are in need of assistance. The great majority of those on assistance are white Republicans. You can go look up the statistic, but it’s true.

That means that even those of us who end up needing Medicaid and Medicare and any other form of assistance? We’ve already paid for it. We’ve contributed with taxes from previous or current employment. We deserve help… EVEN IF we didn’t have gainful employment. Every single person in America deserves healthcare if they choose to use it. If they need it. If YOU need it. This isn’t a bootstrap thing, It’s never about our bootstraps. It should never be about bootstraps. If you think it is, then you need to look up Eugenics and just admit that you support it. 🙂

We need to get out of the mindset that even if you really believe Your Money is helping others, it’s your Civic Duty to help your fellow Americans. I’m assuming you believe that you’re a patriotic American. It’s supremely un-American and definitely un-Christianlike to refuse to help others and turn a blind eye to their suffering.

If you’re not outraged, you ought to be. If you voted these people in, you should still be outraged because this affects you too. I don’t begrudge you the right to be just as angry as those of us who voted for HRC or one of the other candidates.

If you think healthcare was bad before the ACA… if you think it was “bad” during the ACA because you fell for the GOP propaganda… prepare yourself. Everything is about to get a lot worse. Like, fascist Germany and Russia dictator worse.

And please… stop telling people who didn’t vote for Trump to “get over it” and “just accept it, he’s the President.” All you need to do is turn on the news every day. Remember that the one trying to control the truth that the media puts out is him. Look at the media from other countries about what’s going on, and listen. They’re doing their own independent investigations and let me tell you…. it’s scary. They know and are sharing the information with their countries what our FBI, ie. Comey, won’t share about Trump.

Think about this. England is afraid of him. But even scarier, and you need to really pay attention to this: GERMANY is frightened of Trump. Germany is afraid of what will happen, in particular the things that Trump has said and is saying about Russia and the intelligence coming from intelligence agencies all over the world that the FBI is suppressing.

This isn’t a Liberal vs Conservative thing.

But back to the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.

This isn’t a Liberal vs Conservative thing either. It’s about living. It’s about health. If you want to spend less, trust me, that won’t be happening. This isn’t the way. Making America HEALTHY again ought to be one of our greatest priorities. Staying healthy means preventative care. Staying healthy means access to healthcare that every single American citizen deserves to have in this already great country that we live in. Why in the world are we so eager to allow the GOP to dismantle something that everyone with healthcare insurance has benefited from, even when they haven’t realized it? Why are we so eager to believe that the ACA is “so expensive” just because the GOP says so? It’s not the ACA. The ACA has allowed MILLIONS of families who couldn’t afford health insurance to obtain it for the first time because …. drums please… it was affordable for the first time ever. Does it work for everyone? No. And that’s because you can’t make everyone happy, and some things just don’t help 100% of all people. That will never, ever happen. For the first time EVER most people in America had health coverage and were able to see doctors and get life saving medications. Pharmaceutical companies and hospitals weren’t allowed to ream people, especially poor Americans or even middle class Americans. It’s the Insurance Companies who had a hissy fit. And I can guarantee you that once the ACA is dismantled and new rules are in place, insurance rates will skyrocket.

Human Rights have just been violated in a major way,

and if we allow this to occur, it’s going to keep on happening. You want to know what’s next? The Americans With Disabilities Act. The Education Act. The Marriage Equality Act. Those have all been specifically targeted to be dismantled by Trump and the GOP. So don’t you tell me that none of what’s happening and going to happen doesn’t and won’t affect you, your families, your friends, your coworkers, or other loved ones.

If you voted this human garbage in, any of it, you can still protest peacefully. You can contact your lawmakers. You don’t have to accept anything. It’s perfectly okay for you to be uncomfortable and angry with the fact that you voted for this filth and the other pieces of filth that are voting away all of our human rights in health care.

For fuck’s sake, we have a filthy excuse of a human being about to be sworn, in as President, a known ACTUAL criminal. Denies and distracts as he commits crime after crime including treason. Crimes he ought to be in Federal prison for; actual crimes. I’m sorry if you think that Hillary R. Clinton committed any crimes… but you fell for GOP Propaganda with your eyes wide open, and you chose it. You knew it.

There’s a reason I haven’t blogged in the past week, and it’s because I’ve been struggling in being gracious inside my head and on paper regarding the results of the 2016 Presidential Election. I’ve been having some very difficult conversations with my daughters and others regarding realistic expectations, graciousness, positivity, advocacy, self-advocacy, fairness, how to deal with life when things don’t go your way, legitimizing their feelings, etc. It’s hard having those conversations when in your head, you’re thinking,

“Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it oh my gosh just fuck it awww look my dog loves me.”

I’m having some difficult conversations with myself, as you can see. 😉 I’m not a poor loser. I’m struggling with what it means to be gracious, and how not to throat punch those who are pompous enough to believe they can order others to “be gracious losers” and “accept the results already” when in fact they haven’t learned to be “gracious winners.”

The difficulty lies in the fact that it has nothing at all to do with a lack of acceptance over the election results. I accept him as the president, and I’m willing to give him a chance. Well, I was until he hired a well known white supremacist, but even I can suppose a second chance is on the table.

Anyway.

The difficulty lies in the fact that I, like so many others, am in a true grieving process. There hasn’t been one single day that I haven’t cried over the results. It doesn’t mean I’m a crybaby. It means I grieve for what our nation has become when 46% refused to turn out to vote. It means I grieve for the clear message that the misaligned in our nation don’t matter to most of the country.

I grieve because I know what’s ahead.

I may be part of one or two or more privileged segments of American society, but I’m part of multiple significantly marginalized groups. I paid attention during the campaign season to what all of the candidates said and what their platforms were, and I’ve been living in this body experiencing what it’s like fighting against the Republican ideal for years now.

I’ve paid attention over the past several decades regarding what the various political parties have been doing to marginalized groups or for marginalized groups. I’ve paid attention to how the parties have been evolving or devolving. I’ve paid attention to how various individual politicians have evolved or devolved over time. It’s how I came to choose “my” candidate.

It’s why I’m in genuine mourning now. I get to grieve over the loss of stability. I get to grieve over the worldwide embarrassment that the election results have given the U.S. We outdid Brexit, after all. We thought no one could do that. America has to be the best at everything.

We had to outdo England, though, didn’t we. So for 2016 we outdid them at Most Embarrassing and Dangerous Political Fiasco of All Time. We fucked up. In the most disastrous way possible. Every nation except Russia, and maybe the Korea with that crazy ass dictator that wants to nuke everyone, recognizes it. And ISIL and al queda welcome it.

It’s why I support the peaceful protests.

The protests aren’t against the results of the election. They’re not a bunch of whiny babies. They’re marginalized individuals and groups speaking out against the proposed policies of the Trump campaign, and the moves that have already been made during the transition that’s begun.

The protests are a reminder that those of us who are marginalized, and those who are our allies and those who are advocates alongside us, will not be quiet regarding rights and protections. A Trump Presidency isn’t acceptance for bigotry, misogyny, violence, bullying, racism, religionism, spiritual abuse, physical abuse, anti-immigration, acceptance for the KKK and white supremacy. The protests are a reminder of the ideals that this nation is supposed to uphold, and the people we’re supposed to protect. The protests are supposed to be a reminder of everything we are prided for, and everything that other nations have been envious of us over.

The protests aren’t so much protests as they are a reminder that the voices for freedom, advocacy, and equality will always be there to hold back the hand of abuse and suppression.

Tomorrow is Election Day, and Ladies, we have a lot at stake in this election. The purpose of this entry isn’t to try to force you to vote one way or the other. No. I’m pleading with you to simply vote tomorrow. Recognize the Feminist in yourself and exercise your womens right to vote.

Please Don’t Refrain From Voting

I’m speaking to all of you amazing women out there who are eligible to vote and are registered but are choosing not to vote.

This isn’t about choosing a female President. Thats not what makes this about feminism or women’s rights.

This is about making the most important decision of your life: using your civic duty to vote, a right we had to fight nearly 100 years to obtain legally. A right that took us 132 years, from the conception of our nation, to obtain.

That, my amazing Ladies, is what makes this a Women’s Right issue.

That’s what makes it a Feminist issue.

Nothing could be more Feminist than exercising our right to vote.

I know that we’ve heard for the past 18 months just how. very. important. this. election. is. We’ve been telling each other how important Donald Trumps fuckery is. We’ve been telling each other how Gary Johnson’s lack of education and personality is. We’ve been telling each other how Jill Stein’s general anti-science whackadoodly-ness is a problem. We’ve been telling other that Hillary Clinton’s e-mails are a huge conspiracy and somehow… criminal? And she personally murdered people in Benghazi? Anyway.

We know the choices in the election that we’re expected to make are important.

Yes. We know.

We’re going to be voting for ourselves, for our own personal benefit, sure… but we’re also going to be voting for our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, best friends, nieces, neighbors, and most especially our daughters, granddaughters, and great-granddaughters. If they don’t or can’t vote; if they’re voting for who we believe in our heart is the wrong candidate, then we really are voting on their behalf.

We’re going to be voting to maintain the right to decide what to do with our own healthcare; our bodies; how we’re treated in the workplace; how we’re paid; if we’re viewed with respect or as sex objects, and disposable.

It’s not drama or cliche to state that our lives, as women depend upon voting. Not just for voting day, and not just for four years or eight years. Our lives depend on the outcome of this election for decades to come. That’s not a cliche.

If you’re feeling disenfranchised, I get it. If you’re feeling as if there isn’t a candidate that represents you in any way, I get that too. If you’re feeling as if each candidate is saying something you can understand, but none of them are “perfect enough” I really do understand. I commiserate wholly. I understand all of those feelings, because I’ve cycled through them myself at various points in this election season.

Every election is important, and every single one seems to cause increasingly bad anxiety, but I realized that anxiety has much more to do with the increasingly horrible hate and anger I see among the people around me. It’s become more entrenched than ever that there’s a My Side versus Your Side in politics, with people convinced that the Other Side is not only not their cup of tea but evil. There’s this idea that if someone opposes your political views, or they voice a dissenting view it’s a declaration of war and a relationship destroyed .

Over the past two weeks, there’s been an increasing frenzy and panic from those who think their “side” is losing. I see that happening, and I see women who have always voted stating that they’re not voting in this election… at all. Not just in the Presidential Election, but the General Elections as well.

Your Vote Matters So Very Much, Ladies

So many people, so many women believe that a single vote… their vote doesn’t mean anything.

Ladies… oh my gosh, it does. It’s your voice!

It’s your individualty showing through, the one way to make sure your opinion and thoughts are given a voice to say that you matter.

It’s really intense, and the best ways to make a positive difference. We don’t have to like the fact that we have government, or how it runs. We don’t have to like the system. We’re part of it whether we like it or not and if we want and plan to ever change the parts of the system that aren’t working properly or fairly, then the only way to do that… to enact change is to vote. Get involved.

Back in Time…

Rich white Christian men have always known these things. They know that every single vote has power. Why do you think they denied women, all women, the right to vote until 1920?

The first time the United States ever used elections and voted was in the United States presidential election of 1788–89; it was the first quadrennial presidential election. It was held from Monday, December 15, 1788 to Saturday, January 10, 1789. Some men, an elect few, were allowed to vote. In the 1830’s the vote to extended to ALL white men, and in 1868 it was extended to Black men.

But it wasn’t until 1920… 132 years after elections and voting were established as a fair way to establish leadership, for women to obtain the right to vote.

Women Were NOT “Given” the Right to Vote

History will say that all who were born in the United States have been, by right of birth, U.S. citizens from the very beginning.

People frequently say things like American Women (all women in all demographics) were GIVEN the right to vote. Black Men in America were GIVEN the right to vote.

That’s not the truth. We had to fight for it, clawed ourselves bloody and bruised, literally, through public speaking and the court systems to obtain the right to vote.

The problem is that when citizens who were born in the United States are not treated equally, are not given the same rights, or the laws that ensure equal rights are not upheld in courts or by law enforcement, then we are not really all considered citizens. We are Other. We are Less Than. We are Property. We’re disposable and not worthy of tthoughts or consideration.

Any perceived threat to those in power is met with intimidation and creation of loopholes in the laws that are intended to protect those who are being discriminated against. The perceived threats are smote out early, fast, and without mercy. It’s how American men learned to deal with the British when Independence was fought for and won. Those same tactics were used against Native Americans. They’re used against all Federally Protected Classes. There’s a reason they’re protected… and yet those in power, those with extreme prejudices, still try to break those laws and create laws in direct violation.

Right now? 240 years after The Continental Congress approved the final wording of the Declaration of Independence on July 4th 1776?

The rights of women as equal citizens worthy of respect has not progressed for many men… and sadly, for many women. There are women who are perfectly happy to let men decide their fate and rule their lives. Back in the colonial days it was a throwback to England’s customs and traditions to have women be the “wards” of their fathers, and then property of their husbands. This is an idea that still permeates our culture today. Some claim it’s Biblical or just a desire to have a “traditional marriage when life was good in the 50’s.”

The Women’s Right Movement began as far back as 1848 in the U.S. Women recognized the injustices including and especially upstanding women in the community and their religious communities.

“The history of mankind is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations on the part of man toward woman, having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over her. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

Married women were legally dead in the eyes of the law

Women were not allowed to vote

Women had to submit to laws when they had no voice in their formation

Married women had no property rights

Husbands had legal power over and responsibility for their wives to the extent that they could imprison or beat them with impunity

Divorce and child custody laws favored men, giving no rights to women

Women had to pay property taxes although they had no representation in the levying of these taxes

Most occupations were closed to women and when women did work they were paid only a fraction of what men earned

Women were not allowed to enter professions such as medicine or law

Women had no means to gain an education since no college or university would accept women students

With only a few exceptions, women were not allowed to participate in the affairs of the church

Women were robbed of their self-confidence and self-respect, and were made totally dependent on men

Now, in view of this entire disenfranchisement of one-half the people of this country, their social and religious degradation, — in view of the unjust laws above mentioned, and because women do feel themselves aggrieved, oppressed, and fraudulently deprived of their most sacred rights, we insist that they have immediate admission to all the rights and privileges which belong to them as citizens of these United States.” ~ Elizabeth Cady Stanton

In the 1830s, the vote was extended to all white men, in 1868 to black men. Except in the South especially, there were disenfranchisement laws such as Grandfather clauses that said if your grandfather could vote, so could you. If your grandfather didn’t vote, where did that leave the black men who had just won the right to vote? There were also literacy tests. If someone couldn’t read, they couldn’t vote. At the time black men won the right to vote (won, not given) most were not free men, they were slaves, and many slave owners severely punished their slaves if they were caught reading or learning to read. Nice, eh? Such a lovely history of voting disenfranchisement.

When the 19th Amendment was passed in 1920, it legally enfranchised all women to vote, white and black.

However, within a decade, state laws and vigilante practices managed to disenfranchise most black women in the South. Additionally, there were expensive poll taxes. Yes you had to pay a poll tax in order to be allowed to vote and if you were poor, or poor and black, then you couldn’t vote.

It took women nearly 100 years from the start of the Women’s Movement to win a bitter battle to vote against staunch, hateful adversity and yet now, not even 100 years after women won that most tedious of fights, there are women ready to give up their votes?

Shameful. I’m sorry, but it’s shameful.

The Disdain Is Not One of Moral High Ground

By refraining to vote in the General Elections and/or the Presidential Elections of 2016, the worst of us… our apathy, impassivity, disdain, show a clear negligence and clear disregard for accountability in the well being of our local and state governments as well as our national government.

You’re not making a statement, not even one that states how weary you are of it all. The only disdain that you show is to your fellow women, and those who fought, were imprisoned, and died for your right to vote.

By refraining to vote, Ladies, I can’t help but notice a clear lack of empathy. I can’t help but notice your choice to ignore the very real issues that face every single individual in this country, but especially those that will affect those closest to you.

If you refrain from voting, you’re not making a statement of any kind. Your voice won’t be heard in any way. Not politically, not socially, not morally or ethically. The vote is your voice, and the vote is how you make your voice count.

Refusing to vote, whether out of frustration or to make a statement, stifles your voice in every way possible. You lose a right, willingly, that was fought for very heavily… a right that women before us died for and were imprisoned for while fighting.

If you want to protest, if you want your voice to be heard, then get to the voting booth! That’s where it happens! The more of us that vote, the more of an effect we’ll have!

It ought to enrage you, Ladies, no matter what your political affiliation, that Women’s Rights are even debateable and in question.

We need to make sure that we send the message that Women’s Rights are not actually on the table, to be discussed seriously as to whether we have a right to be treated with human decency.

Trust Me, There Won’t Be Enough Good People Voting

Unless you vote, there won’t be enough good people voting.

We can’t give tacit permission for any government to red pen the Constitutional Amendments that ensure women have Equal Rights, Civil Rights, Human Rights. If we don’t vote, that’s exactly what we’ll be doing.

Choosing not to vote, and the apathy that would show, that choice you make gives lawmakers the ability to continuously and regularly vote against Women’s Rights… and it doesn’t impress me. It disgusts me. Because when enough people decide that their votes don’t count, then enough good people don’t show up at the polls to vote in good people. And then the good people who would enact better policies and laws than the “other guy” end up screwing over everyone… especially women.

My fear here is that too many women are in the frame of mind that there will be enough other voters to “make up for” their vote, and therefore their candidate will make it in. Or that there are women who are throwing away their vote by allowing their significant others to tell them who to vote for rather than allowing them to make up their own minds. Or that there are women who really do believe that their vote won’t matter at all so why bother because “the election is rigged.”

No, no, and no.

Nifty Fact

I love it when I stumble on neat little facts because I can always use them at some point. For instance, this one:

There were about 125.9 million adult women in the United States in 2014. The number of men was 119.4 million.

My math skills aren’t fabulous, but I think that’s 54%. In fact, I believe that I’ve heard we do make up 54% of the citizenship of the United States of America.

That makes women a very powerful force in this country. That makes us an important force.

One would think that the Women’s Rights Movement, a Human Rights Movement to be clear here, would have moved our rights and how this nation respects Women along much further than it has. It’s been moving at a snail’s pace and America’s Daughters are taking the rights we have fought for and won for granted.

One would think that for all of the talk we do, Ladies, we’d recognize our true power. It lies in the fierceness of not backing down, and using our power to vote.

Why? Because it’s historically inaccurate, and it’s not how it really happened. There were Civil Rights Movements. There was Women’s Suffrage and a Women’s Rights Movement that is still ongoing. This nation is still going through multiple Civil Rights and Human Rights movements in multiple areas right very now… yes in 2016.

To throw your vote away as if it means nothing, to throw it away in protest, is disowning responsibility for anything that may go wrong later. It’s not a way out. You will still be culpable.

Your vote is YOUR vote as long as you use it. Don’t make excuses to abstain from voting. It’s not only your civic duty, it’s your ethical, moral duty.

What I really, really do care about in your vote? Please be sure to educate yourself from unbiased sources; fact check. So if you’re going to Fact Check Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, don’t go to either of their web sites. Don’t go to any politically based sites either. Choose neutral sources, and by that I mean “not Facebook memes or info-graphics.”

There ARE unbiased resources out there where you can find the actual facts for each candidate. All of them, all of the political parties. It’s how I narrowed down my choice. I know many of you disagree with my personal choice and you know what? THAT’S OKAY WITH ME!!!! You know why? It’s your opinion, and it’s your vote. YOUR VOTE.

You just have to make sure that you’re there at the polls! We have to use our rights to vote that we fought so very hard for, not so very long ago, or we risk losing all of the rights we’ve fought for. Every single one.

Doing nothing, being complacent, is the same thing as knowing there’s evil about to enter and do evil things and doing nothing to stop it.

VOTE. Just vote. Disagree with me until the cows come home regarding my personal politics. That’s awesome. I don’t care! The election is tomorrow and then it’s over! Then we get to deal with fallout! But for now, for now we just have to commit to voting!