Here’s a video that’s exactly what it sounds like, and clever mainly in the sense that I’m surprised no one had thought of it sooner. It’s Pulp Fiction translated into Shakespearian Fancy Talk, and it’s pretty hard not to like.

The play premiered at the 2009 Minnesota Fringe Festival but the clip below is from a performance at the 2011 Hollywood Fringe Festival. (If you happen to be in the Santa Monica area and this seems up your alley, there’s still time to catch a performance.) [Reddit via AV Club]

Here’s the part where Vincent Vega explains to Jules the Royale with Cheese.

“Knowest thou the greatest rift twixt the continent and Albion Their lives consist of the same base substance as any man of England, but in foreign climes? It varies by the slightest mote. Knowest thou the French name for cottage pie?”

“…Is it not cottage pie?”

“Nay, their tongues and speech and taste alike are strange to ours. Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house!”

“What say they then?”

“Hachis parmindier.”

“Hachis parmindier! What name they cream?”

“Cream is but cream, but they say, ‘La Creme.'”

Pretty good. But if any of you can translate Jules’s “Mushroom-cloud-layin motherf*cker, motherf*cker” speech into Shakespearian, I owe you a beer.

Hi there! I’m one of the writers of the play and we actually have a FULL version of the play going up in Chicago later this month. “Bard Fiction” was our original one hour version (for the MN Fringe Festival back in ’09) which we gave back to the community that inspired it (it was originally a wiki project). The guys in LA did an expansion of that script (which is what this clip is from) and we’ve now done our own expansion which opens March 16th. More info can be found on our Facebook page: [www.facebook.com]

“Worry not, Jules. Quell the rabble, then await the presence of the Wolf.”
“Hold. Thou ventures to fetch the Wolf?”
“Aye. Does thy brow unfurrow, knave?”
“Zounds, you Moor dog. Would that you had spake only thine intent.”

Jules: Never shall I forgive this repugnance. This chore reeks of repugnance most foul.
Vince: Jules, forget not the proverb of the man who admits error. His trespasses shall not be subjected to excoriation.
Jules: Still thy torpid tongue and retract your vexatious venom! Never did such a foolish phrase accompany the task of collecting such gruesome gore on your account!
Vincent: My patience has limits, Jules. My temperament can only withstand so many barbs. For now, I am an untamed colt in the stable, and it is unwise to whip the untamed colt, for he may wreak havoc, and that should end your peroration.
Jules: Ah! So you might wreak havoc.
Vincent: Aye, I might wreak havoc.
Jules: Then consider me saltpetre incarnate, imbecile! Each moment that viscera soaks and soils my hand, I am as unto Lucifer! I am transfigured into Hades incarnate! And yet the rear compartment falls to my burden, you loathsome lout? Your hands are meant for this distateful chore! Clamber towards this crimson catastrophe, you cankerous clotpole! I shall groom the steed, and thou shall groom the compartment floor of Moorish gore!

(It was a long day at work…figured I’d give it an amatuer crack, Vince.)