l. We Three Quarks

(to the tune of ‘We Three Kings’)

We three quarks fine particles are
Bearing charm we travel afar
Fields and forces, spin of course is
Multiplied by h-bar.
Oh, quarks are wondrous, quarks are light
Quarks have colors, clear and bright.
Still misleading, still exceeding
All the physicists' insight.
We three quarks trade gluons all day
All baryons are made in this way.
Confined inside, we always hide
Unseen forever stay.
Oh, quarks are wondrous, quarks are light
Quarks stay snugly out of sight.
Still misleading, still exceeding
All the physicists' insight.

Gravity Jingle Bells

(Melody: Jingle Bells)

When something hits the earth,
You'll notice in a trice,
It makes a great big bang,
Now isn't that so nice?
So what makes things fall down?
What makes them go ker-plop?
The answer's in this song, my friend,
We'll sing it 'till we drop.
Oh!
Gravity, Gravity,
Keeps us on the ground.
It was explained by Newton,
(The scientist renowned)!
Gravity, Gravity,
Mass times nine-point-eight.
Is a vector pointing down,
That's sometimes known as "weight."

Walk around the earth.
Keep a steady pace.
If gravity weren't there,
You'd float away in space.
Now some call it a push--
Well, call it any name,
But gravity will always PULL--
Attraction is its game!
Oh!
Gravity, Gravity,
Keeps us on the ground.
It was explained by Newton,
(The scientist renowned)!
Gravity, Gravity,
Mass times nine-point-eight.
Is a vector pointing down,
That's sometimes known as "weight."

2. God Rest Ye merry Physics Profs

(to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")

God rest ye merry Physics profs
Let nothing you dismay.
Don't moan or cry if you must all
Grade finals Christmas Day
To save you from the registrar
If grades aren't on the way.
Chorus: Oh, oh, tidings of A's, B's, and C's

Mostly C's

Oh, oh, tidings of A's, B's, and C's.
In Wes-le-yan, in Phys-ics
The teachers do not scorn
Assignments that can only
Be done by early morn
No wonder when we come to class
we all look so forlorn.

Chorus:

From God our Heav'nly Father
The laws of physics came
And unto certain Physicists
Did he reveal the same.
And now we have to learn them all
On threat of F's and shame.

3. Deck the Halls v2.1

Deck the halls with spools of wire.. Fa, la, la, etc.
My oscilloscope's on fire ...
Who has taken my resistors?...
Sing a song of bad transistors.
Fill the lab with amplifiers Fa, la, la, etc.
My new circuit has no wires...
All the op-amps have no gain...
Electronics is a pain.
Work till midnight, then work longer...
Watch that circuit get still wronger...
If it has a major defect...
Fix it has an honors project.
Shoot the walls with Star Wars' phasors...
Made from Hunter’s diode lasers...
Though they glow with opalescence...
Still can't see the damn fluorescence.
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Deck the physics lab with lenses, (fa,la,la...)
Light bends more when they are densest, (fa,la,la...)
We can now observe reflection, (fa,la,la...)
Not to mention its direction, (fa,la,la...)
Stroboscopes are swiftly turning, (fa,la,la...)
While our eager minds are learning, (fa,la,la...)
Light diffraction we can now see, (fa,la,la...)
See how fun our physics can be, (ha,ha,ha...)

5. Oh, High T-C

(to the tune of "Oh Tannenbaum")

Oh high T-C, Oh high T-C
Is your limit yet approaching?
Oh high T-C, Oh high T-C
You bring us fame and funding.
We put in grams of yttrium,
And copper ox- ide, chewing gum.
Oh high T-C, Oh high T-C,
We've thrown out all the helium.
Oh high T-C, Oh high T-C,
We push you to infinity.
Oh high T-C, Oh high T-C,
There's no net resistivity.
The theory's crude and rough and wrong,
But NSF will love this song.
Oh high T-C, Oh high T-C,
You bring us fame and funding.
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O Little Physics Reference Sheet

(Melody: O Little Town of Bethlehem)

O Little Physics Reference Sheet,
so much information's here.
With our Mechanics, Waves, and Heat,
You've helped us a lot this year.
The speeds of light and sound
and refractive indicies,
They all are here,
We shall not fear,
While holding facts like these.

And lots of useful formulae,
are tabulated here.
They help refresh

our memories,
when recall is less-than-clear.
For Distance-Time relations,
and laws of E and M,
will sometimes blur,
so we refer
To you to look for them.

Specific Heats, and Boiling points,
and trigonometric sines,
Though highly prized, aren't memorized.
They're looked-up within your lines.
Examinations final are not too far away.
We know that you will help us through
The physics Judgment-day.

6. Awake in the Library

( to the tune of "Away in a Manger" )

Awake in the library
Late Saturday night,
The poor physics majors
Pondered their plight.
The problem set lo-ong
and no end in sight.
Of all of the answers
Not one was right.
They used all the tricks that
The teachers had taught:
Expand about zero then
Drop x sub-naught.
Divide the right si-ide
By modulo z.
If that doesn’t work,
Let pi approach three.
So up in the library
At four in the morn,
The poor physics majors of
All hopes were shorn.
The sun rose that morning;
The stars went away.
But through their next classes
Asleep there they lay.
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Joy to the World

(Melody: Joy To The World)

Joy to the World, the last dumb song
Is over -- now we're through!
Our singing we will not prolong--
(That's what you hoped for all along).
Christmas greetings we renew
Merry Christmas now to you,
Christmas greetings we now renew,
Merry Christmas, and adieu!

7. Frosty the Photon

( to the tune of 'Frosty the Snowman' )

Frosty the photon
Escaped from a black hole,
Then he used his spin
To find his kin,
Near the ends of a dipole.
Frosty the photon
With momentum h-bar-k
Though he had the right
To be known as light,
He was called a gamma ray.
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8. Oh Feigenbaum

(to the tune of "Oh Tannenbaum")

Oh Feigenbaum, Oh Feigenbaum
Your numbers do delight us.
Oh Feigenbaum, Oh Feigenbaum
They quantify the chaos.
Your alphas scale when periods flip;
Your deltas tell us when to split.
Oh Feigenbaum, Oh Feigenbaum
Your numbers do delight us.
Oh Feigenbaum, Oh Feigenbaum
Your numbers have awakened
Oh Feigenbaum, Oh Feigenbaum
A field long God-forsaken.
Two point five oh two nine oh
And four point six six nine two oh
Oh Feigenbaum, Oh Feigenbaum
Your numbers do delight us.
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9. Cold Fusion

(to the tune of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing")

Call the press and M-T-V
Do not write to AJP,
I claim heat and neutrons nine;
The Nobel Prize will soon be mine.
Deut'trons fuse and cook and simmer,
Plat-i-num is now the winner.
Hark the Times may now proclaim
Yes, cold fusion is my game.
Call the news, TV and press.
We're deep in this fusion mess;
Skeptics claim that I of course
Have forgot the Coulomb force.
More heat out than I put in,
Not believing is a sin.
Throw away your red hot plasma;
Use your laser to treat asthma.
Now Dan Rather can proclaim
Breakthrough results, success and fame.
Call the press, yes, that's my creed.
Ten million dollars is what I need.
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10. Photocells

(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through space-time
At the speed of light
Through vector fields we go
With our colors bright.
Keeping constant speed
In every frame is right.
Oh what fun it is to be a photon in the night.

Chorus: Decibels, photocells,
Now I'm going to lase.
Oh what fun it is to be a boson in the rays. Hey!
Grad of dels, colored gels,
Diffraction grating blaze.
Oh what fun it is to be a boson in the rays.

Cut across the lab
By a mirror steered
Through the slits we go
Nothing do we fear.
Back again we come
To the screen we've veered,
Oh what fun it is to be a photon interfered.

11. Oh Physicist

When we were young and freshman all
We thought that physics was a ball
But that is true if only you
Can make approximations,
In early days we thought the fuss
Was just about the calculus.

Chorus: Oh Physicist, Oh Physicist
I wish that I could be one.

In sophomore year when we met del
We still thought all was going well
But all the wells that we could see
Were bounded at infinity.
When we found out that quarks were strange
It did not make our majors change.

Chorus.

By junior year we knew we ought
To wave good-bye to normal thought.
Our minds began to get disturbed
When shown how orbits are perturbed.
We never guessed that the Master key
Meant late night labs we could not flee.

Chorus..

It's senior year, the time draws near
That brings the end of classes.
We find that we amazed must be
To think our profs will pass us.
When it comes time to graduate,
We hope we'll be in solid state.

Chorus...

To graduate school we now are bound
And 10 years hence will still be found
A decade's work is all for naught
Because a square root I forgot
We realize our Ph.D. is waiting at infinity.

12. The Twelve Days of Newton

On the first day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
The acceleration due to Gravity
On the second day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Two torques a balanced
On the third day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Three laws of motion
On the fourth day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Four apples falling
On the fifth day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Five Newton’s rings
On the sixth day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Six point six seven
On the seventh day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Seven spectrum colors
On the eighth day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Eight mints of money
On the ninth day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Nine point eight
On the tenth day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Ten z-components
On the eleventh day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Eleven speeds of sound
On the twelfth day of Newton , Sir Isaac gave to me
Twelve particles of light

13. We Three Deans

(Tune: We Three Kings)

We three deans have budgets of woe
Still we have a half year to go.
Funding lacking we go tracking after elusive dough.
Ooh, Ooh, money's tight, the budget's bad.
Students think that they've been had.
Raise tuition, cause attrition
Oh, we are so very sad!
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14. James Clerk Maxwell

(Tune: Good King Wenceslas)

James Clerk Maxwell did look out
On the fields of Faraday.
Where the charge lay round about
Scattered this and that‑a‑way.
Twisted boundaries in and out
Raised to strange potentials.
If solutions could be found,
It would be providential.

Then came four equations out
With assorted Theorems,
Complex singularities,
Maxwell didn't fear 'em.
Tamed the demons, wrote a book,
Set right former errors.
Gave to theorists pure delight,
And to students terrors!

16. Another 12 Days of:

On the 1st day of physics, my F.A. said to me,
"Don' t take physics 203! "
Or, the 2nd day of physics, the department said to me,
"Surprise, you're only one of fifteen "
Or, the 3rd day of physics, the problem sets were due; "You take
number 1, you do number 3, and I’ll take number 2! "
Or, the 4th day of physics, the donuts we had some,
but no one went to colloquium!!
Or, the 5th day of physics, a take home test was seen,
for dinner no-doz and caffeine!
Or, the 6th day of physics, the timesheets they were due;
for each four hours' pay, we worked two!
Or, the 7t h day of physics, summer work began;
60 hour weeks getting a tan!
Or, the 13th day of physics, will you T. A. for me,
but must I share an, office with three?
On the '7th day of physics, we took the GRE;
it's grad school in, Grenada for me!!
Or, the 10th day of physics,
we were told we had some gall,
playing midnight soccer on the hall !
On the 11th day of physics, the theses all come due;
there were ten in September now there are only two!
Or, the 12th day of physics, we graduate on, time;
next year' s the unemployment line!
soccer at midnight,
grad school in Grenada,
fudging timesheets,
no‑doz and caffeine,
unemployment line,
two theses done,
sharing an office,
getting a tan,
colloquium,
you do number two,
one of fifteen,
and don’t take two oh three ! ! !
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