Someone (who lives in the same house that I live in) hired A Man to remove the rest of our tree and branches that fell down during that hurricane. About halfway through the tree and branches removal, A Man called Someone to renegotiate the terms of their deal. The renegotiation turned into an argument. Someone accused A Man of trying to squeeze more money out of the agreement; A Man felt he deserved more pay because he didn’t realize how much work was involved in chopping up and chainsawing thick pieces of wood and then having to load them into a truck and then have to take them somewhere to properly dispose of them.

After their phone conversation, A Man approached me about their dispute, hoping that I could mediate. He really wanted me to understand so that I could relay the message to Someone that A Man has a good heart. He looked me sternly in the eye and explained.

“I didn't mean to cause any kind of trouble. I'm Catholic, you know.”

Well, by Jove!

No further explanation was provided. And no message was relayed. I did not want to get involved; this was between Someone and A Catholic Man.

Some other one-liner consolations that are lodged in my head:

They all started off with either ‘I think we should stop sleeping together...’ or ‘I don’t feel the same way about you anymore, but…’

"I still think you're very attractive."

I agree, it’s important that you walk away knowing that I know you still think I’m very attractive.

"You’ve got the best personality of anyone I know."

That’s the way to do it – kill 2 birds with one stone. Confirm that you noticed my out-of-shapeness while you end things between us.