The Route to Sexual Pleasure

Well, since this blog is about relationships and everything that
goes with them, we had better face up to the fact that sex is a
big part of any relationship and therefore we need to address some
fundamental issues which arise between men and women in any
relationship.

Sex is one of the most febrile areas of human
interaction, because our vulnerability is at its highest, and our
expectations of pleasure are also at their highest. But I think
it’s fair to say that in general, women are far more disappointed
with sex than men.

Now you might be surprised that the percentage of men reaching
orgasm is only 85% – I would put it at much higher, something like
95% – but that isn’t the point. The point of course is the
comparatives between men and women, which demonstrates all too
clearly that most women don’t reach orgasm during a sexual
encounter with their man.

Sure, this could be choice – it could be that women don’t feel
the need to reach orgasm in same way that men do. But that’s
intuitively implausible, and it’s really quite unlikely – the
reality is probably that women are giving way to men’s desire to
reach orgasm and haven’t yet realized their own right during
lovemaking is to enjoy as much pleasure as a man does.

You see, finding pleasure can be a route to sexual harmony –
but it can also be a route to a
better relationship outside the bedroom. That’s why it’s
essential for men to learn how to satisfy women, and also in
particular, to understand the dynamics of orgasm in a couple.

Orgasm facts

If it’s true that only 45% of women reach
orgasm during a sexual encounter, then men need to readjust their
thinking. Sex is not a dynamic that is purely about male pleasure,
and sex is not about a few minutes of foreplay, quick penetration,
and quick ejaculation (which usually signals the end of sexual
interaction).

On the contrary, according to women’s desires as stated in many
surveys, foreplay would last for between 20 and 30 minutes,
intercourse would last for between 10 and 13 minutes, and women
would always have an orgasm.

The medicalization
of anorgasmia is
one of the most notorious and unfair things to happen to female
sexuality in recent times. The view that women don’t reach orgasm
because there is something wrong with them is pernicious and
foolish.

To medicalize lack of female orgasm in terms of something like
“hypoactive sexual desire disorder” is sinister: it gives licence
to pharmaceutical companies to come up with a medication which can
then be marketed as a solution for a “disease” which has been
invented with the collusion of the medical profession.

The reality is that most women reach don’t reach orgasm during
lovemaking because they don’t have enough foreplay and they are
not aroused enough when penetration starts.

For a smaller number, it’s probably true that they are
sufficiently aroused but that their vaginal sensitivity is not
high enough to reach orgasm through vaginal stimulation during
intercourse.

But that doesn’t even matter! If a woman needs clitoral
stimulation to reach orgasm there are plenty of ways of providing
it during lovemaking – whether it be by manual stimulation,
vibrator, or by the woman finding a sexual position in which she
can rub her body against her man in such way that her clitoris is
stimulated.

To maintain any other attitude is simply self-deception. Women
are not getting orgasms because men are not arousing them, and
because women are not insisting that lovemaking takes a form in
which it is possible for a woman to reach orgasm.

So how should we bring this about? Education would be a good
place to start, which is the objective of the website that you can
see here – it’s all about ways in which men and women can enjoy finding
pleasure and in particular how a man can satisfy
a woman with orgasm
during intercourse.

It’s ironic that men think it’s somehow their duty to pleasure
a woman (if you look at the number of queries on the Internet for
this very question, you’ll certainly see quite quickly that this
is how men seem to think of their role in intercourse or sexual
interaction with women) – and at the same time they manifestly
fail to provide the sexual pleasure which they know women want.

I guess this is really all about gender differences, and gender
differences in particular in our approach to sexuality which men
and women manifest in everyday life.

Men have a high sex drive, and pretty much as soon as they are
aroused, they want to make love and, to be blunt, they want to
ejaculate.

Sex does not have to be a prolonged experience to be satisfying
to a man.

Of course, that may be true for a woman as well – but the
reason women prefer longer lasting sex is because longer foreplay
enables them to become aroused enough to reach orgasm.

In the face of such apparently intractable differences between
the sexes, the question arises of what would be the best way
forward for couples in relationship.

And I think for me it comes down to intention – it comes down
to the intention of the man to satisfy the woman, but at the same
time it comes down to his intention to be a powerful man who can
give her an orgasm, while delaying his own pleasure for long
enough to ensure she satisfied.

Orgasmic satisfaction isn’t hard to achieve when a woman’s
sufficiently aroused – so it’s really important that men get
their heads around the fact that women can reach orgasm just as
easily as men, but
they take longer to do it.

Even women themselves accepting this deceitful concept of the
“orgasm difference” are implicitly justifying the current status
quo in the world of sexual relationships between men and women.

Within a loving relationship, or within a long-term
relationship, women are entitled to, and should expect, and indeed
demand, equal experience of orgasm to their menfolk.

And hopefully by changing the way we think about sex, and
changing our expectations about the dynamics of sex which we
currently enjoy, this can be brought about. That way we can enjoy
a much more orgasmic sex life, and women’s frequency of orgasm
will be similar to men’s.

This entry was posted in establishing
sexual pleasure, September
20, 2016