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Friday, 11 October 2013

National Coming Out Day

The closet and coming out is something I have spoken
about a lot and I’d like to take the opportunity in this day to bring many of
these thoughts together.

Firstly,
the closet itself. Too many ignorant straight, cis people consider the closet
to be an asset to us – that the fact we can hide makes homophobia and
transphobia a “lesser prejudice” compared to others. This is a highly
privileged and dismissive view that
misses the damage and pain the closet causes – and the elements of
homophobia and transphobia that arise because of the closet.

The closet itself leads to the unique experience of
coming out which, in turn, leads to one of the fraught dangers that most
afflicts GBLT people. We’re very rarely born among our own people. We rarely
have families and mentors close to us to guide our way and tell us how the
world is. This not only makes us vulnerable to negative influences from society
and media since we lack personal counters – but it also means that we are often
born among our worst enemies. That those who should love us the most are the
ones who will reject us, hurt us and torture us so completely. The
closet is so toxic that it can warp us.

It’s a struggle and it’s a risk. I do not know a GBLT
person around me who hasn’t faced violence. I do not know a gay man personally
who hasn’t faced violence on multiple occasions. The majority of my GBLT
friends have spent time in hospitals. Every single GBLT person I know has been
hurt by their families, the people who are supposed to love us unconditionally.
That’s not “some” or “most” – that is ALL.

I lost a job for being gay, I face constant annoyance
from my work for being gay. I have nasty fools posting homophobic notes on my
door for being gay – this isn’t isolated; this is common.

And this is before I even touch on the difficulty of unlearning the homophobia
and transphobic messages that have been pummelled into our minds from the very
cradle.

All of these words and I’ve barely scrapped the surface.
The closet has it’s dirty hands all over just about every aspect of homophobia
and transphobia that exists. Consequently, Coming Out remains one of the seminal
moments of GBLT experience, one of the most powerful things we can do both
personally and as a community, one of the most dangerous, one of the scariest
and one of the most important elements of many of our lives. It’s important in
a way that defies description

Which means that straight, cis people also need to treat it with the respect it
deserves, even if they don’t – can’t – understand it themselves. Which means
less appropriation of the coming out experience, less claiming the concept of
the closeted GBLT person for your own, unrelated purposes and less trying to
draw on an experience you know nothing about. Just stop – look an and respect
it, but this vital, important element of our culture is not yours to claim and
use as you see fit; you have so very little idea of what you are disrespecting.