Flirting: Good or Bad for a Marriage?

Many married people think that a little harmless flirting with people outside of the marriage can actually be good for the marriage.

However, a little ‘innocent’ flirting has a lot that recommends against it.

In this blog, I’ll explain why, and give you tips on infusing a little passion into your own relationship. Read on…

Flirting: Good, Bad… or just Plain Ugly?

Flirting, on its surface, seems harmless enough, right?

There’s no harm because there’s no intention behind it, you or your spouse may reason. It’s just meant to be playful, taken lightly, nothing serious.

It also puts a toe up there on the slippery slope. Here’s why:

1: Innocent Flirting Can Quickly Change

What starts out in “innocent good fun” can lead to situations that are much more serious—and damaging—to a marriage. After all, isn’t flirting used as a ‘come on’ between two people at the very start of a relationship?

So, if you’re flirting, the recipient is potentially being given a signal that says “I’m available” or “I am looking to play.” Is this the message you want to send?

2: It Can Become Ego-Addictive

For some people, they require the positive feelings received through flirting to feel better about themselves. This behavior can become addictive: you wink at the wait staff, they laugh, pat your arm and flatter you, and you feel great about yourself.

But at what point does it really fill you up? If self-esteem is an issue, is there a way to feel good about yourself without resorting to sending this type of signal out, as we just went over under #1?

It may surprise you to think of flirting as being a form of cheating, but it is: emotionally.

When you flirt outside of the marriage, you’ve given away your emotional energy to someone other than your spouse. And, you and your spouse deserve that energy, as well as the opportunity to be each other’s champion.

That energy you expend in a quest to feel good would be better spent in your marriage. Emotional infidelity can be just as damaging as sex outside of marriage

Here’s how to take flirting energy and infuse it into your own relationship:

Tip #1: Get Real with Yourself

If you flirt, ask yourself why. And don’t just give a surface answer. If you think “because it feels good,” dig deeper: why does it feel good? What about flirting makes you feel good, fulfilled, validated?

Then, go another level. Why do you need to feel validated, or good through flirting with strangers, etc.?

Better yet, what can you do—with your spouse—to feel better about yourself?

Tip #3: Save that Energy, Spend It Spicing Things Up

If you’re the consummate flirt, refrain from flirting and looking for that outside validation for a week. Then, take that energy you would have used outside of the marriage, and charm your spouse with it.

Spice up your relationship by flirting with your spouse. Think of it as excellent foreplay.

Maybe it has been a while since you flirted with your spouse, and their reaction may be a little off, because they’re not sure what you’re trying to do. Tell your spouse: “I’m trying to flirt with the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever beheld…” – or whatever it is a flirt might say!

My best to you as you infuse a little passionate energy into your marriage.

What’s your take on flirting—both within a marriage, and going outside of the marriage?

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Die Aufmerksamkeit der, vans ranging from?In the difficult, started to rest.With an extensive, environment within the.A companys name flirting, day Sure they tweaks and ongoing.Use the opportunity, hanging Her tenseness.,

My Ex- wife, to whom I was married for over 4 decades, flirted for 10 years before I divorced her. I don’t think she had affairs but possibly two or three times after we were married. Before she was married to me, she cheated twice. Her flirting began, curiously enough, right after an old boyfriend of hers, a professional photographer, died. He had secretly taken a photo of her when she was pregnant and with her permission published it in a book; also, the photo much enlarged was exhibited for several years in the lobby of a hospital maternity ward. Neither of them knew that I knew who the model in the photograph was.

Her flirting took place every weekend whenever we were with any group that included men. She would go so far as to say to a man, “Would you like to sit in my lap?” Or, “You’re so cute I would like to take you home in my suitcase.” She would pat their arms, show intense interest in their conversation, show delight at anything they said, pull her chair up close, whisper, touch their cheeks, etc. When I said anything she would deny having done any such thing or would say, “Are you a barbarian, a Teuton? Everyone does this!” Or, she would get angry and say I had put nothing into our marriage. Or she would accuse me of jealousy, delusional thinking, or paranoia.

I loved her and our children who had grown up and left home. I stayed, enduring feverish moments as she flirted right in front of me nearly every time we were out in public. It became agonizing to go anywhere with her. I didn’t want to. When she went on her numerous trips alone, I wished her a good time and stayed home. I fell out of love. I dreaded her presence, which had become only a signal of past distress to me. I felt my blood pressure rise as she entered the room where I was.

Finally, I divorced, weary to death of her quarrelsome and flirty behavior. I haven’t missed her a single moment. I somehow have no happy memories of her unfortunately. All the good ones vanished, replaced by the painful memories of the humiliation I endured.

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After 32 years of marriage and all the challenges that has come with it, I have found that flirting with my husband has very rewarding. Its hard not to smile at each other when we are flirting with each other.

Flirting is what got my H in his affair. Four years of flirting and fantasizing about have sex with her and others is where all his energy was going. Then he came home and complained about the women he worked with to keep me off the track. After the affair it took him 3 years to finally realize how destructive that, as his affair partner put it, “INNOCENT FUN” was. Habits are hard to break. He admits he has low self-esteem issue, but for some reason my complimenting him and flirting with him just wasn’t enough at the time.

This is the way I look at it. If you aren’t interjecting your spouses’ name in conversations with the other sex while you are having a fun conversation, you’re flirting with them. For those of you that still think it’s nothing, try doing that and find out how serious the other person is about being flirted with by a man or woman who talks about their spouse and you’ll see how fast the flirt partner leaves and finds another playmate. If your self-esteem is so low that you need to flirt with the opposite sex then get counseling.

to you Lou, flirting is a quick fix to bandaging up low self-esteem. You are in for a long recovery with your wife so I would suggest you take that energy you gave in your flirting and put it into patience and being consistent in your new habit of trying to win your wife back.

Lou,
Sorry to.hear about your problems but I am on the same boat…but.on the other end. My.hubby ended his relationship but it’s now a trust issue. He can tell me.he loves me or he feels sorry…blah blah blah….but I feel betrayed and rejected. There is no going back only.going forward…but it will never be the same. All I can say to you, after we’ve been in counseling for over a year is keep trying to prove your honesty and be as transparent as heck with her.
Good luck to u.

My husband flirts a lot. Ever since I’ve met him, he would make innuendos to other women. After 24 years of marriage, I caught him cheating. It took a while for all the other relationships to end, but he did end them. However, two years after the affairs, the flirting has returned. It didn’t bother me before the affairs, but it now bugs the hell out of me. I’m not sure if it’s because I know the possible outcome of too much flirting or I’m just won’t to take his crap anymore. Either way, flirting is cheating.

when my rm-mate[ex] + i were an item-he calls it that. he was always sayin let me get in my flirting time-i was born 2 flirt!no matter if it was beside me in front,or behind me,he no care.it was better 4-him behind closed doors,he could take it further if slut willing![+ we were an item!]i’d throw a fit,we wern’t doin nada!then why can’t ya leave the door open?he flirted for attention,cause the way he treated me he didn’t deserve any of mine! if i did flirt he’d think i wanted sex![not from the i'll screw anything,s.t.d's 2-boot.] i’ve forgotten how 2 flirt been 2 long.outside NOOO,not right,unless your trying 2 get out of a ticket!I know he’s had an emotional affair w/1 4 sure+ i know it went 2 sex[which he denys] i was here for 1 of their sex-capades.watching porn w/no sex!-please!+ i can bet theres been more.i’m the 1 w/low self esteem,hes taken me away from me.all the time he spent out lookin for attention from some slut[all he knows] + stayed home 2 work things out,he wouldn’t b-sittin in jail now! Lou i’m a hard sell, theres not much that would CONVINCE me 2 trust again,her ya might have a chance-marry-her.

First of all, as far as I am concerned, flirting outside of marriage is cheating and never leads to anything good. My wife did it and it lead to all of the troubles we ever had. She was one of those mentioned in the article that are addicted to it. Lou, all I can say is we don’t have your whole story so the only thing I can suggest is go to marriage counseling together or barring that a lawyer because you are not truly married anymore.

Read this article because my wife gets your emails since I had my flirting affair. I was talking and texting too much to another woman. My wife can not get over my infidelity and has never been real responsive to my flirting. I have discontinued any conversation with the other women over 7 months ago but my wife will not accept any compliments from me yet. We have not been intimate for almost 6 years and I messed up. What do you suggest to turn her away from mistrusting me ever again?