4 Things to Never Say to a Friend Who's Been Trying

While it's natural to want to help a friend who's struggling with infertility, it's easy to blurt out the wrong thing. Here's what may help them, and what to always avoid.

Oct 10, 2011

STOCK4B

Just relax and you'll get pregnant.

"What am I supposed to do—get more massages? Telling a woman to 'just relax' doesn't cure infertility," says Lauren, 35, of Chicago, who is now in her third trimester after three IVF cycles. Alice Domar, Ph.D., agrees: "There's usually a physical cause."

If it's meant to be, you'll have a child.

That implies that as long as infertility persists, "I'm not meant to be a parent," points out Nicole Witt, 42, of Tampa, FL.

So, are you pregnant?

It's hard enough to conceive without people constantly asking about it. "If there's news to report, trust me, you'll hear it," says Gauri, 39, of Orlando, FL, who's trying to get pregnant with a second child.

Why don't you adopt?

"It's a wonderful option, but there's a presumption that it should fall on the shoulders of infertile women," says Keiko Zoll, 29, of Salem, MA. "When people ask, 'Why don't you adopt?' I'm like, 'Why don't you?'"

…AND 2 THINGS ALWAYS TO SAY

I'm here for you.

"I really appreciated when friends and relatives offered those simple words, with no judgment or advice," says Lori LeRoy, 39, of Indianapolis.

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