Paris Hilton’s $100K appearance fees shot down at Cannes

While partying in Cannes this weekend, Paris Hilton tried to charge clubs $100,000 for her to make an appearance. Considering her vagina was hanging out, I’m surprised she didn’t charge double. That’s supply and demand, son. Anyway, it turns out she’s not the same draw she used to be, according to Page Six:

“No one bit. They aren’t about to pay her. It’s not 2002,” scoffed one event producer. “We think she got some money from the club VIP, but everyone else is running for the hills.” Hilton then decided to go for free and showed up at the Vitamin Water event at Nikki Beach.

If someone gave me the choice of being paid $100,000 to let Paris Hilton come to my party or have my testicles eaten by a wolverine, do you know which one I’d choose? Paris. Mostly because they both end the same way except one pays. What? We’re in a recession, people. Think smart.

I absolutely love that “it’s not 2002″ was scoffed. It says so much in three little words: that she’s not worth shit, that in news terms she’s old as fuck, and that Paris Hilton was just schooled in what’s hot by someone who probably had BO from running around all day

I’m trying to flush out all the cockroaches and vermin from some property I inherited in downtown Dallas and the exterminators too scared to enter the building so send Pari-Gina, I’ll pay her fee, it’s worth every penny.