Monday, March 10, 2003

My advice to a friend on how to move on after a relationship:

It's entirely arbitrary, you know. You have to flirt with the checkout girl a lot and then one day, say, hey, Susie, do you mind being my grocery store girlfriend? It's just for when I'm in your aisle, you'll be my girlfriend. She'll look at you oddly while she mulls it over and then she'll smile as she thinks the idea is pretty neat and say okay.

Voila! You've moved on. Everytime you go grocery shopping, you'll have a girlfriend. You can tell other people you have a girlfriend and feel good knowing that you are not lying about it.

Find a girl that you see everyday, typecast her into some role, and then request that she becomes your girlfriend for this role. Make the girl in the cubicle next to you your cubicle girlfriend. She'll love it.

I'd like to get paid for this.

Incidentally, I have my first exhibit coming up this September. That gives me six months to hype up my paintings and their significance. I'll price my paintings at $500,000 each. If I just sell one, I'm set for a duration. I need to get on this... after I finish my problem set.