Fairfield says: Why is irrelevancy so often taken for profundity?—Elaine de Kooning

I WAS IN a hospital the other day and I saw a guy sitting in a wheel chair wearing a tuxedo. I said “What are you in for?” He said “I’m getting a vasectomy.” I said “Why the tuxedo?” He said “I figured if I was gonna be impotent I should look impotent.”

And that’s why every art critic should own a tuxedo, aside, of course, from gala openings at MoMA and the Guggenheim and part-time waiter jobs.

But seriously, folks, art writing. . . . No, seriously folks. Art writing is not what it used to be. I went to the psychiatrist the other day. He said “What’s bothering you?” I said “Nobody listens to me.” He said “What do you do for a living?” I said “I’m an art critic.” He yelled “Next!”

I’m not even an art critic anymore. It wasn’t that I couldn’t afford it. It’s certainly a lot cheaper hobby than golf. It’s just