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Social Story Part 1: Lisa's daughter draws what she did: choked a boy who stepped on a caterpillar.

We were at an awards assembly honoring my daughter and her project partner for a community service learning project where they made colorful pillowcases for a battered women's shelter. The principal congratulated her and joked, “Those are some great pillowcases, you should make me one.” My daughter looked at him blankly and said, “You have a job, you have money, you can buy your own pillowcase.”

As I was explaining why that wasn't the best way to handle the situation to my daughter she slumped her shoulders, let out a truly exasperated sigh, and said, “Is there a book on social skills? Because I really need one.”

Those social skills that most enjoy innately take a great deal of work for our ADHD kids to learn. Impulsiveness, frustration, and impatience can often leads to inappropriate or aggressive behavior. While discipline is important it means nothing in the if end the child hasn't learned new skills to help them cope with the situations they face every day. Social stories can help you teach your child those skills.

Now you can buy books about social stories that help you teach everything from organizational skills to how to wait in line or act in a classroom. When we were first using social stories there were no books and very few instructions on how to effectively use them to teach. We developed our own system. Our social stories were always relevant to our children and based on the situations or struggles they were experiencing.

Social Story Part 2: Lisa's daughter draws what she should have done: told her teacher and given her caterpillar a proper funeral.

When our children were younger we would sit down with whichever child was having a problem, some paper, and markers. We would draw out what had already happened like a cartoon. The pictures didn't have to be elaborate or perfect, they could be stick figures and simple shapes. We would use word bubbles to write down what was said or what happened just the way it happened; the good, the bad, the ugly.

This activity is child-centric — they need to articulate what happened and see it as it is drawn and written out. Let them do as much of the drawing and writing as possible. We would talk about it and agree that whatever happened was not good.

Then we would take that piece of paper and turn it over so that we couldn’t see the picture anymore, and tell our child that it doesn't have to be the way it was on the other side of the paper — they can change the outcome by changing how they react.

We let our child draw out the first part of what happened again, whatever sparked the problem. We would open up a conversation with the child about how things could have been handled differently and come up with several ideas. Then our child could come up with several ideas. It's always better when the child can come up with solutions herself. Whenever possible, we would build on one of their ideas or expand it to fit.

Finally, our child would draw out the situation again with the new choices and happier endings. We made an agreement that the next time a situation like that one came up they would try the new choices and strategies we had drawn and talked about. As our children have gotten older, becoming teenagers and young adults, we've used the same process but without the drawings.

When we got home from the assembly, we had our own social story sit down and talked out other more appropriate ways to react to the principal's compliment. She decided that since it's always hard for her to tell when people are serious or joking she could respond in more neutral ways. She could have just said thank you or she could have offered to make him a pillowcase as a thank you for all the hard work he does for the school.

Social stories have helped our family tackle all kinds of behavior issues from the simple, almost silly problems in life to much more serious and inappropriate behaviors. They have given us a flexible framework to teach our children the skills they need to function in a world that can be overwhelming and problematic. Because they are used to working through their problems by breaking it down and then coming up with solutions, they've learned valuable problem solving skills. They are part of the fabric of our family.

Last Updated:4/13/2014

Important: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not Everyday Health. See More

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