No, Fearmongering Media — Millennials Aren’t Ruining Boobs

Why is everything millennials do considered terrible, or anything that goes wrong our fault? Yes, there are a few things millennials have done that were genuinely bad: the fidget spinner is on us, same with Justin Bieber. But for the most part, our generation just gets blamed for everything that goes wrong in the world. Oh, people don’t talk to each other anymore? Millennials’ fault. Avocados have gone up in price? Millennials buy so goddamn many that Big Avocado can charge whatever they want. I don’t even like avocados; people need to shut the fuck about them. But I digress. Once again, some old jackass has attempted to put down some more bullshit on millennials’ doorstep.

According to [PornHub], young men between the ages of 18 and 24 are nearly 20 percent less likely to search for breast-related content than older men are.

I will not stand here and be accused of not properly appreciating breasts. I love breasts, as do most millennials. I’m sorry that I don’t properly appreciate the boobs of Susan Sarandon — whom the article specifically mentions and is 70 years old — but I do love breasts.

Honestly, I’ll take a moment and be the voice of my generation once again and say something: fuck these old fogies who are so stupid that they can only look up “boobs” on PornHub. My generation has some goddamn class and integrity, so we understand the nuances of occasionally searching “big ass” or “redheads.”

We the millennials have had enough of this bullshit. Old assholes who look at a statistic made by a pornographic website need to stop feeling so fucking superior. This article implies that millennials are ruining breasts simply because our generation has a more sophisticated pallet, which is like saying that Ben & Jerry, with their variety of flavors, ruined the Good, Humble, and Traditional ice cream market (give us vanilla or give us death!). Fuck outta here..

Marry the ass now, by the boobs later. It behooves a dude to have a nuanced expertise in finding a girl with a quality ass that will last when you can literally have her tits handcrafted by the finest plastic surgery money can buy later.