The Crap We Missed – Monday 7.15.13

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, our daily feature of celebrity schadenfreude where I also sometimes clumsily take a stab a relevant cultural events. This weekend saw the end of a high-profile murder trial that’s resulted in a new discussion about race relations in Ameri- OW! *grabs shock collar* Okay, alright, here’s Jay-Z’s custom made fart-scented mic, the Hugh Jackman photoshop fantasy photo, and you know what? I don’t care, this needs to be said. It’s now become crystal clear to anyone with a brain that black people are still forced to follow a completely different set of social cues than white peo- AHH! OW, FUCK!! *opens Internet Constitution, flips to Article Four: Section Two – Bloggers shall not transpose the discussion of politics, race, or religion with the images of lesbians making blowjob faces or Gwen Stefani’s hot ass in hotass leather hot pants*

Fine, point taken, you guys wi–WHY DID HE GET OUT OF THE CAR? YOU CAN’T SILENCE ME! (I look forward to your unbridled hate in the comments below),