Sweet Samantha’s Story: Mama’s Perspective- Part 1

Many of you know the story of our Sweet Samantha’s journey to enter this world. I will tell this account from my perspective while I still carried little S inside of me. While she was near, and dear-and I could feel ever kick & movement. My heart has been longing to write it all down, in a time when the house is quiet (rare these days) & when my mind was clear enough to process all that happened. This is only just “Part 1”. I long to write “Part 2”-because there is so much more, but dear friends-I have a three month old, and we all know that time is limited with little ones! So here is part 1-the “beginning of Sweet Samantha”.

We found out we were preggars with Samantha in October of 2009. We hadn’t been trying long, and then several pregnancy tests later, came to discover we were indeed pregnant with a little bundle! The morning we found out-we had taken I think three or four tests the days before-so as I looked upon the little stick I didn’t quite believe my eyes when it said “Pregnant”. I will never forget, I was brushing my teeth and Jordan was pacing our master bedroom. Those two minutes felt like the longest of my life! I started screaming for joy & Jordan ran over. It was hugs, kisses, screams, and prayers of thankfulness. Immediately, since it was early on a Saturday morning, I wanted Starbucks to celebrate. I’ll never forget, I said to Jordan-“Guess I have to switch to decaf!”

The journey of carrying Samantha involved lots of things like switching to “decaf’-which was not easy for me! No sushi, wine, caffeine-Let’s be honest, my three favorite food groups. (Much debate on the caffeine front & being pregnant-I did get to enjoy some caffeine-but it wasn’t like it used to be through pregnancy). Our pregnancy- I use the term “our” loosely here folks. Jordan was the most supportive, encouraging, kind, loving man throughout my pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong-he was the best! But at times-I just didn’t love being pregnant. I mean, come on God-how many months do you need to cook a baby! If he can create the world in 7 days-he can make a baby develop in 7 weeks, right?! (I know, I know God-your timing is perfect!)

Other than being nauseous for the first couple of months (drag), body changing in weird ways (dragger) feeling like the size of a whale towards the end (major drag), and work issues (annoying drag)…I had a very healthy pregnancy comparatively.

All the while, I kept thinking to myself-wow-this little girl-this precious gift from God will be here soon. And I was on a countdown! My due date was June 28th, 2010. Exactly a year from when we had gone off birth control & Exactly my half birthday. The perfect due date in my opinion. Yet, I was convinced that I was going to have her early. I thought weeks early actually. All of my girlfriends who were pregnant during the same season were having their’s weeks early. So I just assumed that I would follow suit. WRONG!

As my due date kept getting closer, I kept thinking. “Today will be the day”! Literally, for weeks on end, I was convinced that she would be coming that day! I kept shaving my legs, doing my hair, re-packing the hospital bag and nesting, nesting, nesting. As June 28th came around-I was in SHOCK that she wasn’t here yet. To use the word frustrated is an understatement. To make matters worse, I had envisioned what life would be like on 4th of July with her. My mom and I even tried to buy a 4th of July outfit to make her come faster! I tried everything to induce labor. EVERYTHING…including castor oil. Oh, my.

So, I did what everyone would do…I stopped shaving my legs, didn’t blow-dry my hair and would PURPOSEFULLY remove essential hospital items from my bag. Yup, I was convinced that doing these things would solve my belly growing bigger and bigger by the moment. They of course didn’t.

And, I (*tried) doing what I knew I really needed to be doing-sitting before the throne of God-and asking him the hard questions of “why”, “how come”, & “not fair”. I know that being late in pregnancy pails in comparison to what so many of my friends and peers have suffered-but for me-those 9 days were so overwhelmingly hard. And for that, I almost apologize that my weakness of “self” was so all consuming.

Yet, in true God fashion-He met me right where I was at. He spoke SUCH truth, encouragement, and faith building into me those weeks before Samantha came. The weeks before her due date were all about trust and those 9 days after her due date were all about faith. He was in the midst of my hurt and fear working in me trust & faith. Through the circumstances, through my mini-storm. Words cannot express how that small “desert” & crisis of faith leading up to her arrival have prepared me for situations I have faced since her arrival.

Nothing can stop God from working and moving. Not the circumstances, the situation, the worry, the fear, the problem, the issue. He is working in the here & now-in the midst of the pain, the sorrow, the anguish, the dark night and the “over-dueness” of the situation.

Psalm 73:16-17 says, “When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.” (Today’s New International Version-I love this version & The Message too-sometimes I need it in plain everyday modern speak).

How many of my problems, issues, fears do I think about, discuss, and complain about BEFORE bringing them before God? How many things to do I rationalize, justify, “problem-solve” on my OWN human capacity? Honestly, they are to many to count. But when I enter, the sanctuary of God I can take my “stuff” before the Lord-and He will… & He does speak to me.

Psalm 34:4 says, “I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears”. In those weeks leading up to Samantha’s arrival, I had so much fear. Yet, once I entered the “sanctuary”-and searched for wisdom like hidden treausure-that’s when I really saw the impact of the Lord teaching me and growing me. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle and grapple with fear about SO much. But these words are a reminder to me on a daily basis that when I enter into HIS sanctuary I will not come up empty handed.

Boy, did HE speak to me during those “over-due” days. I will write more of the words, the verses, and the impact those days had on my life in “Part 2”. It was a “mini-desert” for sure. But, let me tell you, the end, was so worth it.

You Samantha, made those 9 (almost 10 for me!) months worth everything. Happy 3 months my little sweetness. You ARE the blessing I always thought I wanted but never really understood the FULLNESS of until you arrived. You have far exceeded my expectations of mamahood-I didn’t think it was possible to love so much.

I love hearing you gush about how much you love your daughter! I know quite a few mothers who love their children, but when they talk about them to me, I feel completely repulsed at the idea of having children of my own. You are NOT one of those mothers! You make motherhood seem so sweet and lovely…

This is so beautiful, Haley. You are such a strong woman, and your faith and honesty is such a gift. Samantha is going to grow up to become such a wonderful girl with you guiding her. One of my favorite verses that came to mind while reading this, Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”xoxo