Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Warning: There is zero educational value in today’s blog. It is simply a rant and an opportunity for you to have a quick laugh and say “Eew” several times.

What’s up with the increasing amounts of people who feel that the world will stop if they don’t take a call while at the urinal? I can’t help but think about how the 6th grade version of me would have handled that. I would have pushed him forward, into the urinal and flushed him and Mr. Johnson! Ah, but I’ve grown up a tad since then and would add a phrase while flushing “The power of Christ compels you bitch!” It would serve the bastard right!

These cell phone wielding, bathroom wreckers have allowed their thoughtlessness to transcend beyond the urinal and into the stalls of America! They are in essence doing their business while doing their business. For them I am going to invent a special “crapomatic” device that will be similar to the fart machine. This device will have sounds of a person struggling through a barrage of wet farts, grunts, splashes and other festivities one might have while in the fecal position. Perhaps we can embarrass them back to their senses!

My all time favorite . . .

I’ve seen lots of people leaving the stall with their laptops. To that, I am speechless but will simply file that under “EEEEEWWWWW!” or on another day I might be tempted to ask “Those TPS reports got ya feeling saucy there Forrest?”

Lesson 1: Don’t borrow cell phones or laptops

Lesson 2: For millions of years mankind (womankind too) has existed peacefully in the knowledge that we can relieve ourselves without having to make a phone call.

Seriously: Statistics say we are working approximately 30% more than the generation before us. We have allowed our work to come home with us after hours, on the weekends etc.

Let’s get real and realize that this may be a sign of a society that needs to slow down a bit!

If not, I am truly grateful for the material!

Have a great day, go sell something and flush every son of a bitch you see on a cell phone at the urinal. Tell them Uncle Paul sent you!

15 comments:

This is a great post. I remember sales people saying to meet that the reason they are so successful is that they are available to their customers 24/7/365. I have always said to them "Don't you go to the bathroom?" I guess I will stop using that smart ass comment since they ARE always available. Here's to hoping that their customer says "The reason I am going to use you is because of your professionalism and class" when the guy next to him flushes.

Once upon a time (and for 15 years at 7 locations worldwide) I worked at IBM.

The VP's secretary once approached me, a I exited the bathroom, to inquire if her principal (the VP) was in the bathroom, since some higher up VP (it was C. Michael Armstrong, if I recall, he was subsequently CEO of ATT) was on the phone for him.

I went in to check, saw the VPs shoes in a stall, walked out and said nope, he wasn't in there.

I mean, c'mon, the only unscheduled time in that poor schmuck's day and she was trying to ruin it?!

I had to laugh at that last comment. I worked at IBM for over 20 years. First they called us back from schools and vacations. That was bad enough.

When overwork and lack of sleep finally caught up with me and I took a VERY rare sick day, they called me to come back to work in the middle of the night. When they called a SECOND TIME because my own Manager told them to call me and ask "if I felt better yet" that was the last straw.

Who knows how they feel at 3 a.m. when they're sick? It took them a week to acknowledge my resignation and three weeks later I was gone.

I've never looked back. We ALL need to slow down far more than we realize. Most are beyond exhausted and don't even know how far beyond. No more J.O.B.s (Just Over Broke) for me - ever. I highly recommend freedom.

I've never been tempted to answer my cell phone in a toilet stall because I know it's going to SOUND like that's where I am.. the echo, toilets flushing in the background (and possibly worse sounds)and, with my luck, the guy next door asking if he can borrow some toilet paper. You gotta be kiding me!

I would definitely request that the person call me back when they are less engaged, if it were clear they were "multitasking" while talking to me on the phone. I might consider not talking to them when they call back. I would rather have had their voice mail and callback than to be standing at the urinal with them. I don't even answer when it is my wife calling if I am in the bathroom. Get real.

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Paul Castain is the Vice President of Sales Development for Consolidated Graphics (CGX) one of North America’s leading general commercial printing companies. Paul has over 25 years of sales and sales leadership experience. He has trained, mentored and coached over 3,000 sales and sales leadership professionals. An accomplished public speaker, Paul has delivered numerous key note addresses. He has authored numerous training manuals, articles, blog posts and is currently working on his first book for release in 2011. Feel free to email Paul ctstrainer@yahoo.com.
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