An Auto-Immune Imagination...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Yes, hopping; not shopping! This is surely what it feels I have been doing for the last four months! The old saying "If it isn't one thing, it's another" is sure ringing true in my life, right now.
Had my appointment with my Neuro yesterday. We went over some blood work he did last time (remember, he is the Vampire)! While there, it was at first confirmed that my wrists and forearm pain is a definitive case of carpal tunnel. (Well ya know what, this stuff HURTS)!!! So, I am going to try some soft wrist braces for a bit, as I do not want any surgeries. Then... he showed me some labs and tests. I did test positive for RA and Lupus, but there was also a concern with a nerve test (no, not a conduction study) this was part of the Evoked Potentials that showed NO signal of the peripheral nerves on the the right side! Okay, so that means? Well... a trip to another specialist! I also, had x-rays of my hips done to rule out any deterioration.

I was sure hoping doctor hopping could be like window shopping. Alas, (sigh) that is not so as there is a far space between those two!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Have you ever wondered... how your "disaster" affects kids around you? My kids (are for the most part, grown) however, I KNOW any complaint I have causes them such concern that they will, in fact, internalize it and concoct their mom in their eyes (yes, the invincible one). BUT this weekend... I watched my GRANDtwins and nephew, I mean I really WATCHED them. We spent the day out on Saturday. I took them to a craft store; and while there I had the best time I have had in a long time. Because of these kids just being kids I forgot (for those moments) everything else about me! Just look at the fun mustered up... how could I NOT love this?

After the store I took them for frozen yogurt (yep, it was windy, it was cold...outside) but inside (after they were able to make ANY kind they wanted) we had a blast!

I just wanted to share this with you all, because sometimes life is the trip we create, it is not always the one created for us.
Do something for YOU today!

Friday, February 24, 2012

So far I am doing well with my Lentin promise! And... very proud of myself. I have found me active thinking ... (yep, that is a good thing); before saying anything regarding how I feel as a result of AI. But, I am also finding that by doing so it is actually giving my mind other things to think of (whereas I thought the opposite would be true)! Big smiley face! I will, however, have to "spread the word" today, as it is again, Appointment Day... this time though, it is a 45 minute extended appointment to lay it all out on the line with this provider, as I do not feel he is active, proactive, or much involved in MY case. (Simply put, I am not your run-of-the-mill runny nose and cough kinda gal). So... I am certain God will understand my "why" today.

I do want to give a shout-out to all my supporters ... My Cafemom'ers... who I could NOT live without!My P2P'ers... who are wonderful! And.. as always my Husband, Dan and my family.... I love you all!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Forty days of Lent begins today. I pondered the question; "What am I willing to give up for Lent?"... I wanted it to be real, to be honest, to be sincere, and to be worthy (especially worthy for the Easter season and the meaning).

Then it came to me; I cannot "give up" my Auto Immune "issues" but I CAN give up the complaints from how I feel, and begin to positively reach out to others feeling the same way!

YES, that is it... for 40 days and 40 nights I vow to not "complain" about how I feel because of my illness, but to make positive the choice to encourage others!

For the last three days I have hardly been able to walk, or get out of bed, work, or clean house... but today I will not complain, today I will do the best I can with a smile and comfort to others.

Thank you God for giving me another Easter Season, and for the ability to realize and understand what all our Lord did for us (especially during these next forty days/nights!)

Monday, February 20, 2012

Well winter arrived (not BIG) but it came in... thus for all the kiddo's that means schools are closed! However, for "grown-ups" that means trying to get through the weather and to a job, safely.

Today, is a day my body is not in Top A condition... I have been ubber fatigued, and my legs are just NOT wanting to cooperate. I am fighting with myself to decide what to do. For now, I am going to sit, enjoy some coffee, watch some news, and socialize on the net... all from my hind end sitting on this couch... with a blankie...

Ahhh... I can almost talk myself right out of fighting the elements... and staying right here at home!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

For anyone with a chronic illness it is very disheartening to KNOW that someone who is supposed to care most about you, will exponentially and/or inexplicablysupport others with any of their plights before supporting your own. (even those "on-line" friends, they have never met)!
Depression (something thankfully I do not suffer from) - is even more difficult to deal with when the person holding the mirror, who talks about others faults, only has negative views and outlooks, will never once look into their own mirror. I am so very thankful I do not suffer and I have clinically been told I am not at risk for chronic depression (I would never wish this upon anybody). This is something I deal with externally and their denial sometimes is as bad as the disease.

If I end up having to fight my own health battles alone, I am not worried, as I am accustomed to doing things individualistically .... I have always held my own job, made my own money, paid my own/family bills, taken care of my kids, was and always will be strong enough to enforce my will and beliefs; I do NOT need the hand of anyone to hold but my own... my Gram taught me well!

One thing you observe in the life of someone who suffers and will not admit it, is the reasoning, the excuses, the justification of why why why... why they haven't done this that or the other and how easily they can find those reasons of justification and blame to others ... for EVERYTHING they cannot, will not, or have not accomplished.

For someone to actually make you feel like you are not believed ... simply a liar... and then you are supposed to also feel loved... How? No matter what... HOW?

You decide NOT to be included in the nonsense .. that is HOW, b/c you know yourself, all you give, all you do, and how you love... so you chose not to allow anyone to continue to do this to you.

If "it" is mine; I will own it. However, I will NOT own what is NOT.... I am handing it back. I have enough.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

for being an ass; you get 1st place! How someone can flip/flop emotions and feelings like that... deserve this award. Talk about Bi-polar Love! And (of course) to those that NEVER take a second thought, NEVER think they are mistaken, NEVER are wrong, NEVER forget anything, and NEVER EVER admit to being The ASS!

One thing is right... you NEVER really know how some feels or THINKS about you!