8 PRINCIPLES OF NEGOTIATION OR COMPROMISE!!!

First of all it is important to realize that some things are just not negotiable and if you must or want to impose your will then force or withdrawal of a privilege is the only possible solution although often a temporary one.

Try to compromise or negotiate with a terrorist or a religious fanatic who thinks your requests are those of the devil incarnate and you will fail miserably. Fanatical dogmatic beliefs are frankly nonnegotiable and you are delusional if you think that communication will lead to any changes in those beliefs unless you are in a superior military and monetary situation and can threaten or scare someone into submission with the fear of death or financial bankruptcy.

You rarely know ahead of time but sometimes there are nonnegotiable points or demands which the human will not change under any circumstances. You may prepare to give in to the nonnegotiable demand but get a concession in return or a promise to do something which you need or want and the human can provide you with. This too is a win win situation because you are still both getting something which you need or want.

I don’t intend to give pointers on international negotiations but the principles involved in individual negotiations or compromise also apply to some extent in international ones too.

Negotiations or compromises are statistical probabilities:

Another basic truth is that negotiations are a scientific statistical probability and not an absolute certainty. You can increase the probability of a successful negotiation but you can’t always guarantee it. You may use every trick, tip, or negotiation principle and still fail at reaching a compromise.

It greatly helps to have integrity, respect, and expertise:

One of the most important negotiation principles is being liked and/or respected by the humans with whom you are trying to negotiate. Military, economic, and moral strength are respected by national leaders but integrity and expertise are respected and sometimes even admired by common humans.

Integrity is something which should not be compromised and if you are asked to sacrifice your morality for some short duration goal then your reputation will be affected adversely. Lie, steal, commit adultery, or murder someone and you have lost your integrity as well as your good social reputation.

Exclude intense and not so intense emotions as much as possible:

Emotional outbursts or communicating with much emotion can doom a negotiation because any strong indication of anger or arrogance will cause impulsive defensive actions or basically saying no to everything. Stay as cool, calm, and collected as possible in total discussion mode. Also don’t come in with a strong emotional attitude of arrogance or superiority with cockiness, overconfidence, bluster, offensive personal attacks such as insults, put downs, name calling, humiliation, and ridicule. No deal will be the result.

Know your adversary as much as possible:

This means finding out all that you can about your adversary before the negotiation. What they believe, what they think, what they do and who their associates or friends are will give you an idea whether they are negotiating from weakness or from strength. If you don’t know all the vital details ahead of time then the negotiation itself is a time to ask smart questions which will reveal important beliefs, opinions, and relationships.

Use time to your advantage:

Sometimes you can yield to or refuse a demand for a day, week, month, or years after which you either agree to renegotiate or switch to getting your demand for another duration. Time has an interesting way of changing minds because sometimes during duration ongoing circumstances almost force one to compromise.

Decrease and/or increase the frequency and/or length of a behavior or activity:

Sometimes a family compromise is merely decreasing the frequency and/or length of a behavior or doing it less often and not so long. Both spouses may feel that one is spending too much time on a behavior or activity which is causing family problems or personal dissatisfaction. The compromise is to promise to exchange behavior reductions and to shop less or spend less time on sports.

Spending more time on a behavior or activity may also be a compromise. One spouse may promise to spend more time interacting with offspring and the other may promise to spend more time researching recipes for tasty new home meals.

The third form of compromise is one spouse promising to increase an activity or behavior and the other promising to decrease an activity or behavior.

Stop or promise to never do that behavior or activity again is another possibility in a compromise.

A good behavior or activity can be increased or decreased in frequency and duration during a compromise but a bad behavior or activity should only be decreased in frequency and duration in a compromise. Immoral behavior or activity should be stopped.

Using the herd instinct or desire to belong to a group:

Sometimes compromise is more successful if you can point to many humans who are doing what you need or want to be done by a human. Peer or group pressure is sometimes a disadvantage in parental negotiations but if peers or groups are doing something right or it is something that you approve of then you can try to use peer or group pressure in a negotiation.

Stay focused on your goal(s):

Some aggressive negotiators, especially high pressure saleshumans, will try to intimidate, ignore, or cleverly change the subject to get you to say yes so try not to lose your focus on the goal(s) which you actually need or want and not those which you don’t want or need.

During a negotiation I had to repeat myself four times or ask one car salesman what was my yearly interest on a car loan based on a $3000 down payment. He ignored me or changed the subject four times before he finally came up with a printout in writing.

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