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jealousy

I hate shoes. I need to wear them because they keep feet safe from gravel and hot pavement and goat-heads and being cold but, I’d love it if I had Hobbit feet and could completely never wear them. I’m not a big fan of seeing my feet…or knees…or chicken legs but, I go barefeets and shorts as often as I am able. The first thing I do when I get home from work is to put on comfortable shorts and take off my damned shoes. Anyway, this isn’t really about shoes. It’s about my best friend that is not my wife…when I get to it…

Neighborhoods go into decline. They start out with homes built by people that want to live their lives there and raise their families. They age. The children grow up and move away. The homes are sold and become rent houses and yards become weedy, painting doesn’t get done, shutters sag and the neighborhood declines. If the neighborhood is lucky, housing prices drop enough to become attractive to people willing to buy…and turn the houses into homes. A few people start mowing and painting. The neighborhood becomes attractive to people that want to live their lives there and that attracts more people that want the same. They become safe again and have a new life back where they started…

Still getting there…

Have you ever had a friend, a REAL friend? Someone that you weren’t allowing to be a “renter” but, that you were willing to invest time in? Someone that you were willing to change your World View for because you were investing yourself into them? I have one. Her name is Aj. Yeah, you’ve seen her name before and know that I love her dearly. I invested myself in her. I changed my entire approach to the way I looked at the world because of her. No matter how often I say that I’m not sure she realizes how important that is to me. I’m not sure that she realizes that I’m not a renter but, she’s a part of “home”.

Yesterday she did something that sort of surprised me at the time but, in retrospect, shouldn’t have. Someone from my distant past that I was close to resurfaced. Aj went into full-blown protective mode. ” Well, she better treat you right. I don’t like sharing my position as bfftinyw” *best friend that is not your wife* I think she was willing to get out her shovel and start driving if she thought that there was a chance that I might be emotionally harmed. Rephrase, I know she was. How many people do I know that would do that? Counting Aj? Two, the other is my wife…

…and that’s why Aj is part of home. She is possessive of me and will not allow harm to come to me if it’s in her power to stop it. Not only do I not mind, I’ll let her have the piece of me she’s claimed for as long as she’s willing to own it. Oddly enough, that goes both ways. I am possessive of her, too. Don’t read jealousy into it from either side. She’s glad that I’m happily married and I will be grateful to the man that she decides to love for being Her Love. Doesn’t change the fact that we both own a part of the other. Neither of us is renting.

Sometimes I startle easily. Sneak up behind me and I’ll jump. Tell me something about yourself that challenges my comfort zone and I’ll freak out…maybe even for years…and eventually, I’ll be sending you to hell and burning you at the stake…and love your friendship as much as I love barefeets and comfortable shorts. I am a blessed person for having someone that has decided to be my best friend for as long as I will have her. I see no need to change that fact. I’ve invested myself into changing me to keep her right where she is, in my heart. If you’re lucky, you’ll find your’s, too. When they decide that they own a part of you, give it to them.

I decided to do something that y’all never expected to see in this blog, I’m writing about the Vegan recipe options that I know…*grins* not really. I just wanted a starting point and decided to veer a bit. If you came here looking for Vegan recipes, I apologize. There aren’t any. Sorry for the bait and switch. I’m really just teasing all four people that read this. What you really get are some questions and answers to follow up on the one I wrote yesterday Perspectives,,, It’s going to be an odd format because no one really even asks questions. I invite y’all to but, people don’t cooperate. *grins*

What are some things that you’ve learned about Witches since one decided you needed one in your life?
Well, Witches have their own language. When I say “grounded”, I mean like an electrical circuit. They mean a similar thing but, they use their feet and the energy flow is both ways. I think of earth as that thing you stand on, for them it’s different.
They have also ruined popular fiction for me. Witches are NOTHING like fiction makes them out to be. That whole “Harry Potter” thing, nope.
What else? Witches let people be themselves. They come in so many “flavors”, for lack of a better word, that there’s room for almost any variation of beliefs and different types of humans in their worlds that they just like you for who you are…at least the ones I know are that way. Interestingly, they accept me and my beliefs as valid.

How has your life changed since you became Best Friends with a Witch and has it carried over into other areas? As a follow-up, if you had it to do all over, would you want a Witch in your life?
Well, let’s take them out of order. I want my Best Friend in my life. That she is a Witch is an odd sort of bonus. The reason I say that is because I have the added option covering all the bases when I need “prayer”. Yes, that is Heresy. I get it but, if she recognizes my beliefs it seems fair that I recognize her’s, too. She also gives me a bunch of stuff to occupy my mind. I get mentally bored very easily so, having stuff to roll around and ponder let’s my mind stay occupied. All of that is fine but, like I said, I want Aj in my life, if she weren’t a Witch, I would still want her here.
Changes are a more interesting area. I am a better Christian, minor bits of Heresy aside, because I have had to focus more on the words that Jesus actually said and concentrate on those concepts. You know, kindness, self-sacrifice, being open to people, looking to my own soul…those kinds of things that Jesus talked about.
Other changes? I am far more open to new ideas and concepts. I am not the dogmatic twerp I used to be. I may decide that I still don’t agree with the validity of something but, I will look at it and not reject it out of hand.
I have learned to not be concerned that people aren’t “just like me”. An example is if someone tells me they’re a Witch my response has gone from “a what?” to “cool, my Best Friend is, too”. Gay? Yeah, not an issue. *grins* I still don’t quite understand Atheists but, whatever floats your boat. The point is that by not being worried about “what” someone is, I have room to get to know “who” they are.

Next question, does writing this make you some kind of SJW?
*laugh* Not hardly. I am not “political”. I don’t care about party politics. I won’t say that I don’t care about most social issues but, there are enough groups and authors for or against them that my words would just add to the noise. I write these for a few reasons. First, because I have a very strong urge for one person to be accepted for just who she is. I figure that if I have a chance to help y’all see that one person then you might see the rest of them. If you see the rest of them and it means that she’s cut some slack, it makes her life easier. It’s circular logic but, it’s what I have.
Related to that is that I want to do nice things for my friend. I am able to cook and help my wife to show her with my actions and time that she is loved. Aj lives far away so, this is what I can do.
Also, most of the time, it’s fun to write. I adore the Lady I write about and so, it gives me a chance to say that. Let me ask you this when you say “I love you” to someone that you’re not romantically in love with but, love them all the same, do you enjoy that? Does it make you smile? This is the same. I’ll give it this, there are a few that hurt to write but, that’s ok, too.

You titled this “Cooking Aj”, why?
Well…I’m not quite sure. I had a sort of an idea and it wandered out of my head. I got sidetracked. Some of it is a play on words, I was remembering a post I wrote some time ago. Look that one up but, I won’t link it. Some of it is to tease her because it’s hard to burn Water. Some of it is because she LOVES the heat. Some of it was to get your attention.

Are there any other thoughts that you’d like for us to know?
Yeah, a few. Among them, I’ve learned that you can’t judge someone by their tats or height or place of birth. If I took those external circumstances and add multi-colored hair I’d get to “why would I be friends with her” but, I’ve learned. Interestingly enough I even decided that tats are cool on a woman. Yankee women make great friends. “Short” is a good height for a person to be…and that I really like her new hair colors. Of course, all of this is VERY subjective.
I’ve also become grateful. I used to take people for granted. Because I was chosen by her, I don’t. If she “picked” me, she could send me back to the shelter where she found me. That’s a joke. She won’t. We have a deal. As long as I don’t kick her off to the side, she’s stuck with me. I am grateful for the reassurance that comes with that because I would no more push her away than I’d push my wife away. No more Disposable People in my life is a good thing. Not having to be insecure about “what if they really don’t like me” means that I may allow myself to be myself around her and not worry.
I’ve also learned that I do not think “unconditional love” exists. I do have conditions. I have expectations. I don’t necessarily think that you have to care about everyone. I don’t think that everyone is likable. I think the reverse is true. Not everyone is going to think I’m the greatest thing since street tacos, either…and all of those things are fine. Having said all of that, once you do decide that someone meets the “terms and conditions” that you’ve applied, you don’t ever take it back. You knew what you were getting into. You knew that they were human and had faults. I mean, Aj is a…well…she would say…a bitch sometimes but, to me that endears her because I may not want to offend her but, she’s mine. I asked her if I could use that word. This is what she says is why “I’m a bitch when you deserve it. It’s self-defense. It’s not to keep people away it’s to keep people from walking on me or mistreating me or that which is important to me”
If I could change any one thing about her, I’d move where she is closer to where I am but, neither her family nor mine are going to move so that won’t happen.
Oh yeah…the oddest thing about her is that she doesn’t like bacon.

Well…I started this early. Had coffee. Cooked for my wife. Had some thoughts. Lost some thoughts. Got to spend time thinking and writing. This didn’t end where I thought it would end but, it’s what I got.

I’m going to take words out of context. I’m going to dictate to everyone how they must believe. I’m going to say that My Way is the Only Way. I’m going to say that my view of the afterlife is the only correct one. I’m going to scream, metaphorically, that my worldview is the only legitimate one and that every other human on the planet is wrong because they aren’t me…

I’m going to be sad and depressed because I’ve completely isolated myself and the only thing I know how to do is lash out. I’m going to forget that I am imperfect and not realize that I am unable to live up to my own view of myself…I am NEVER going to be at peace.

Nah…

I’m going to forgive my own failings. I’m NOT going to lash-out to disguise that I fall short. I am going to embrace people that see the World with different eyes. I’m going to breathe and relax…

I have been accused of “overcomplicating” things. *grins* What it is is that my mind races along and finds something to fill places where most minds just leave voids. My tiny brain is like a rubber ball in a can in a paint shaker. It bounces off the walls in random directions…This is one of those times…

Someone said, “distance themselves from the judgemental crap.” I am far from that. I am judgemental as Hell. There are things I will ALWAYS, every time, “judge” and find unacceptable. Period. On the other hand, this was my response, ” I did “judge” her. I found her to be quite worth keeping as my best friend for the rest of my life. I stand by that initial judgment.” So, now we have context for where my mind is racing along to…

I asked myself, would we be as close if we were alike. I mean, if I weren’t a “recovering Fundie” and she wasn’t a Witch? My best answer is, “nope”.

Well Hell, why not? The best way to explain is that it took a bunch of initial effort to get past “Witches are going to Hell. How can I be friends with one of them?” Then, once I got somewhat past that, her Practice and Gods took more thought and mental processing. So, just to get to “friends”, for me a very non-casual word, took many, meaning hundreds, of hours and days of thought and introspection…

Yeah, I judged her. I looked at the way she treated me when we first met and I was being “the angry husband guy” because someone that she had some authority over had offended my wife. *editorial, I will go completely ballistic if I “think” you’ve offended my wife. I am incredibly “old fashioned” like that. She comes first. Rude to me? No biggie. Her? All bets are off…* Anyway…I watched how she responded. I looked at the way she lived her life. How she treated her husband and her interactions with her friends and me came under scrutiny…and she did the same with me…

There is a point to all of this, we, she and I, put a bunch of effort into understanding someone with similar values and vastly differing faiths. We, somewhere during that process of investing energy realized that there was a deep friendship. Having to learn, being forced to put that much time into it is a cause…The effect is that I need the challenge that having her beliefs and friendship causes. I NEED to be made to think. It is good for me to question MY views by having a different perspective…

I also need the comfort that her friendship brings. My past life was in constant flux and full of distrust. I count on having her as my best friend almost as much as I count on being married to Sweety. It is reassuring to know that, even if we may fight, they will be around to the end of my life. Yeah, I am able to say that because to my wife I swore an oath before God and man and Aj and I have just given our word, something that both of us take very seriously.

Yes, Aj, my brain bounced around. No, this isn’t overcomplication. It was just a question that my mind asked. If I hadn’t had to work at changing me, would you be as dear to me as you are? We see the long answer. The short answer is, “Who knows? The effort has already been made…” Now we’re at the easy part, grow old knowing that there will be friendship till “old” is no more…

****

Sorry this seems disjointed. Part got written before work and the rest 13 hours later. It’s ok. Just live with the sort of mental gap and read what I mean. *grins*

“Toleration is the acceptance of an action, object, or person which one dislikes or disagrees with, where one is in a position to disallow it but chooses not to”

I need better words. Sometimes English sucks. The connotations for “acceptance” are also negative. I don’t like them. So…I need a word that means, “we don’t do things the same way because you say you’re a cat and I say I’m a dog and you’re female and I’m male and you’re a Witch and I’m a Heretic and I think it’s cool as s**t that you and I do things so differently because I love the snot outta you exactly like you are and I want to shout from the rooftops how cool that is…”

Anyway, this is a long-winded…well, not for me but, whatever…post to ask y’all if you have any ideas for a word that fits. I couldn’t find any synonyms that work.

I have a Facebook page called “Intolerance Sucks”. The first bit of its “About” section reads “This page is founded on the idea that we all deserve respect. That the “content of our character” is far more important than any external differences. That it doesn’t matter your faith, personal identity, or any other dividing line you want to pick. We are all humans and share this rock.” It says, farther down, “If you have read this far and want to stay on this page, I have only a little bit of a request. Please do not be a troll. Respect that everyone is welcome here as long as there is no hate. I will not allow someone to be threatened, harmed, or harrassed. I will not warn. I will block and ban.” So, someone that I “knew” from FB that came to my personal page and compared being gay to being a pedophile came to IS and trolled. Why? What possible outcome other than being blocked and banned could he have expected? I am fine with discussing differing views. Who knows, one or the other of us might change our mind? On the other hand, I really despise dogmatic internet trolls…

*grins* Ya know what happens when you know one witch? You seem to find more. Ya know what else happens? Your mind gets opened…and closed. *grins again* My Witch opened my mind, she would say “I gave you a chance to learn” but, I disagree. She opened it to the possibility that there are more possibilities. Another thing that happened is that I cannot watch fictional witches. *grins 3rd time* I can’t imagine how irritating it is for them…

Who says Magik isn’t real? I have magik beans that I put into hot water that turn me from a drooling idiot into a semi-functional human. I am also celebrating my 8th wedding “Day that We Get to the Same Place We Were in Our Orbit this Time 365 Days Ago”. That she still puts up with my bad jokes is also magic.

I think that about covers it. Nothing major. It’s good to be me. If y’all have something to add, go for it. Have a good “whatever time of day it happens to be wherever you are”.

How to Christian…
Love your neighbor…Do to people as you would have them do…Do not judge, in other words, “look to your own soul”…Remember the Good Samaritan…

How to Husband…
Be kind…Fight fair…Remember you aren’t perfect either…Love with all your heart…Help with everything…Trust…

How to Friend…
Be loyal…Be kind…Be patient…Trust…

Wood smoke on chicken…A smile from your wife…Squirrels chattering…Marrying the Love of your life…Having a friend you love…The smell of rain…Hitting all the lights green and no traffic jam on Friday rush hour…Having Christians AND Witches for friends… Finally figuring out you don’t have to figure out everything…
These things are Magikal…

I don’t have to understand everything…In fact, I really don’t need to. All I have to do is love the people I love and ignore the people that don’t bring peace into my world or theirs. I am a blessed man. Because of my wife, I know that I am worth being loved and have learned to love in return. I have a partner, a teammate forever. My best friend, aka My Witch, has taught me to trust and change my views. I don’t need to know why they picked me. I don’t need to know why they think the way they do. All I HAVE to do is accept it and be content. Neither of them is what I would have expected and far more than I would have ever thought I deserved…

Among other things, like she says, I’m up to my usual overcomplication…and using an incorrect set of analogies…

Not Science. Should be using Cooking…I think…Different skill set. Not coldly empirical. To me, cooking is full of intangibles and soul and love.

It’s all good. There’s only “the rest of my life” to figure it out. *grins* I am relaxed, just eagerly relaxed. I’m learning about New Thing(s)…and that is fun. That’s the nice thing about being me. As long as it doesn’t offend my wife or Aj, I can do what I want to do. Learning about what’s important to Aj is what I want to do. It’s like writing this blog, I want to do it. If I didn’t, I’d quit…or take another year and a half break…

Anyway…I am “busily”…in a very relaxed manner…looking at ways to “undercomplicate”…Look at the bright side, this isn’t me trying to learn to send energy. THAT was an “adventure”. *grins*

Stuff…just early morning, had a nightmare so I couldn’t sleep, too much coffee to go back to bed, clearing my mind stuff…

I don’t particularly want to be introspective. That’s an odd thing since I tend to be. I spend quite a bit of time trying to figure out what I can do to be a better husband to My Sweety and a friend to My Witch. Those things are important to me. If effort can help me be better at them, then they get effort. Those women are important but, particularly to me. Between them they are my world so…yeah…I’ll be introspective…this blog is merely an extension of that process…

I have a “policy”. I think it’s important to me to tell the Ladies that I love that I love them as often as possible. Not to be needy but, I don’t when that “last chance” is going to be so, I don’t want to miss that chance. At the “end of things” I won’t want more money or time at work. I’ll want a few more minutes to tell them I love them…

Grammar counts…except when you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. *grins* Then you use the words you have to grasp at concepts and ideas that you barely know exist so that you may develop the grammar to get to where you want to be. Meaning, I haven’t got the first f**king clue how some of the stuff Aj is trying to teach me works but, if I can find words I understand to be able to find the words she means, we’ll get there…

I tend to put My Sweety and My Witch on “a” pedestal. I KNOW they are human. I KNOW that they can be sarcastic, irritable, grouchy, short-tempered with stupid people, impatient, stubborn, and a whole boatload of others. I know these things, *grins* I’ve seen them directed at me. *grins again* So what? I keep saying about them “she may not be right for anyone else but, she’s perfect for me”. I am those things, too. It isn’t the things that put people off that I see…mostly…as disadvantages. I also see two people that, when they have decided that you are “worth the effort” actually make the effort. I see kind, patient, loving, trusting, fearless, and loyal. Did I mention that they are “too smart for MY own good”? I get those from them. I need those things from someone. I got lucky and found two people that give those to me. They give me their “whole selves” and not just “company manners”…I don’t want “perfect”.I for damn sure don’t need perfect. I want them to be just what they are…

It’s good to be me. I love my wife dearly and it’s returned. I love my best friend dearly and it’s returned. I have a job I can tolerate and it stays at work. I am mostly healthy…well, any 55-year-old house has a few creaks and groans…There is food in my kitchen. The air-conditioning works. I have most of my mind. I am stubborn as hell and that’s a good thing…yeah, it’s good to be me.

…and yeah, Aj, we WILL teach me to understand…even if you have to pound my head to mush, pour out the goop, and pour new stuff in…

I imagined a conversation between My Witch and some other random friend of hers…Apologies in advance because I wrote it the way I would speak.

Hey, how’s it going?
Well, I’m teaching Miller about magik…
You’re teaching him about what?!”
Magik…
Have you lost your f**king mind? He’s never gonna get that and he doesn’t even want to Practice.
Yeah but, he’s like a Border Collie pup. He means well but, he’s clueless without training.
Think he’s going to get it?
Maybe…*flip flops hand in air*…he’s gonna try. Maybe 50/50 chance…this month…
So, why not just tell him to Google it?
Well…he said that he doesn’t care about what other witches do and I believe him…and he ain’t gonna ever get it if we confuse him with too many voices…
Gotcha…you have lost your mind but, I gotta admire your attempt.
Nope, he’ll get it…eventually…
So, where are y’all at?
Elements and elementals. You know, he thought Earth was made of dirt…
*facepalm* …better you than me…
*sigh* I know, right…

I do think she’s lost her mind. If it were me, knowing me, I’d probably not put the effort into it that she will. I’d just let me go on with my assumptions thinking “close enough for government work”. I expect that she won’t do that. She will keep “working the problem” till she’s sure I understand. That’s yet another reason I love her…and no, I’m not trying to learn to practice. I am trying to learn because she would have me learn. It’s an “effort thing”. Some people and their friendships are “worth the effort”. My Witch is one of the two, Sweety being the other, that I am willing to work at…I use the word “grateful” when I talk about her. I use it a bunch. I am also grateful for her patience and persistence.

I had another thought… I keep saying I’m inordinately proud of her. Here’s another reason why. Her path is not easy. She could have avoided it when the Goddesses and Gods called to her. She could have hidden and been a “closet witch”. She did neither. If you know her, she could no more be false to you than she could to herself. *grins* Watch this spot for more reasons…