The PE Project

The PE Project

Dan whisper-coughs, his voice cracking as he utters the words, eyes down, hands smoothing his pants, then folded in his lap, then picking at one another.

"Why are you here?" is a simple question, and one that I have asked many men the first time they sat down in my office. And many have reacted the same was as Dan.

The shame is evident, born of feeling alone and that he might be one of the very few men struggling with this.

“I see,” I say. Nodding my head. He makes eye contact, and I see a mix of fear, relief, and hope.

“Well, I think we can work with that.”

A few Facts

A few Facts

Most men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their lives

It’s estimated that up to 30% of men experience it ongoingly (you aren’t alone)

There isn’t much agreement on why it occurs – physiological, biological, psychological, and emotional factors all contribute

There’s no silver bullet or quick-fix, cure-all solution, and anyone who says otherwise should be regarded with suspicion

Because there’s so much shame and ridicule piled on men both from themselves and from our culture, most men suffer alone

There are some solutions out there

There are some solutions out there

“Solutions” might be too strong of a word. Perhaps “work-arounds” is closer, and perhaps you’ve tried one (or all):

A doctor can prescribe antidepressants or numbing creams to make you less sensitive

You can layer on condoms to dull sensation, or use this over-the-counter numbing spray

You can distract yourself with sports or taxes when the sensation becomes too intense

You can self-medicate with various substances that make orgasm difficult and/or impossible to reach

You can practice the few basic techniques available to train your body to last longer (start-stop method, and squeeze, both pioneered by Masters and Johnson in the 50s and 60s)

You can work with a therapist to learn how to communicate better with your partner, and dig into your underlying stress, anxiety, and fear

Obviously, these solutions are not all created equal: some can be helpful; others are problematic at best, harmful at worst; most might help in the short term, but fall frighteningly short of long-term efficacy. None of them get at the deeper issues contributing to your PE, nor do they address PE holistically, from multiple angles and dimensions.

PE is actually about relationships

PE is actually about relationships

Over the next hour and a half, and for several more sessions after that, Dan and I go through some breathing, awareness, and movement practices. We dive into and rewrite his relationship to sex, pleasure, his cock, and into what it means – for him – to be a man. As we wrap up our work together – Dan's premature ejaculation all but eradicated – I realize that if it reoccurs, Dan will know what to do, how to work with it, how to talk with his partner about it, and where to get support if he needs it.

What’s most noticeable to me as Dan leaves my office for the final time is that he feels so different. He’s noticed this too. He’s gained a confidencebroader than just overcoming his PE. It’s translated into all parts of his life, and it’s obvious in the way that he moves – no more fidgeting, steady eye contact, a relaxed yet awake posture. He says he feels a safety in his body that he’s never experienced before, and a sense of power. But mostly there’s an overall general sense that he’s okay, no matter what comes his way. All because he dared to face his fears and his feelings of helplessness, and put in the time and effort to enact true change and transformation.

As more and more men have let me in on their secret distress, I’ve come to recognize that Premature Ejaculation is about relationships: with your penis, sex, pleasure, masculinity, and your partner. It’s not as simple as being extra sensitive or easily excited – although those can certainly be contributing. It’s complex and multilayered.

Relationship to your Penis

Relationship to your Penis

Most of us are disconnected from our bodies, and even more so from our genitals. One example of this is the language we choose to use for our genitals. How do you refer to that thing between your legs? Is it a penis? A cock? Something mumbled, funny, or dismissive? Start to notice the language that you use for your penis because it is often indicative of your relationship to this part of your body.

The first order of business in working with PE is to establish a relationship with your body that allows you to feel the sensations it’s producing, to stay with those sensations – especially when they feel intense and overwhelming – and to watch them as they occur. This starts with mindfulness and awareness. How often are you aware of your penis when it isn’t erect?

⇒ Try this…. Cup your penis and testicles, holding them tight and pulling them toward your body; not too hard and not too soft, find what feels good to you. Then bring your breath all the way into your genitals and pelvic floor, feeling your low belly, pelvic floor, genitals, and perineum quite literally expand, just the way your chest does when you inhale. This simple – but not necessarily easy – practice will bring more awareness to your genitals, calm your nervous system, and start to give you more information about what’s happening in your body and in your penis, ultimately bringing a sense of safety into your body, more access to pleasure, and more ejaculatory choice.

Relationship to sex, pleasure, and masculinity

Relationship to sex, pleasure, and masculinity

The scripts and roles that men and women have inherited when it comes to sex, pleasure, and gender roles leave much to be desired. Which is a polite way of saying, they suck.

Take masturbation as an example. Most men (and women, for that matter) get in and get out. They beat off, rub one out, jerk off, and have been their entire lives. When it comes to partnered sex, many of us still fall into the trap of men initiating, women following. And we continue to perpetuate the story that men want sex. All the time. And are always ready to go.

Of course, none of this is problematic in and of itself. Sometimes it’s great to have a quickie with yourself. It can be great to have the man initiate sex, and some men are frequently thinking about sex and ready to go. The problem arises when we are pigeonholed into these roles and assumptions about sex and aren’t aware that more is possible. That there are, perhaps, other options – and other options that would feel better to us!

The last century has embraced a significant examination of and rewriting of the stories that women have inherited around sex, pleasure, and their place in the world, but the same thing is only just beginning for men. Today, at least when it comes to sex, men are more stuck in rigid gender roles than women.

Taking the time, and finding the support and guidance to begin to examine your assumptions here is paramount. This is often at the core of PE, and without it, any techniques that you learn will ultimately fail.

⇒ Try this…. Notice how you masturbate. Do you get in and get out? As quickly as possible? Stimulating only your penis, and maybe even only the head of your penis? It’s okay if you do that (again, quickies can be great), and I want to invite you to expand your repertoire. Make love to yourself, include your whole penis rather than just the head, and include your entire body. Tune into all of your sensations, not solely those occurring in your genitals.

Relationship to your partner

Relationship to your partner

PE can often be an indication that you don't feel safe. It could be that you feel unsafe with this partner specifically. It could be that all women feel unsafe. It could be that somewhere along the road, you learned that sex was dangerous, or sinful.

Or it could be that to some degree or other, you simply feel unsafe in your body, all the time. Rather than spending an extended period inside of your partner, your intelligent penis gets the job done quickly so that you can get out, and into a less vulnerable position.

Honoring the lack of safety you might be feeling (which, again, may or may not have anything to do with your partner) learning to communicate about your experience, and to create a safe container and space for sexual explorations without the pressure of a particular thing needed to happen can be revolutionary for both of you.

⇒ Try this…. Set aside time with your partner for an open exploration of sex and pleasure. Make sure the physical space is comfortable, safe for you, and free from interruptions or distractions. Turn off your phone, set a timer (30 – 60 minutes is a great place to start), cue up some music, set aside goals and expectations, and slowly find and follow what feels good for each of you. Make sure to include your entire bodies rather than focusing on your genitals; and you might even experiment with taking intercourse completely off the table . This has the capacity to free you up to explore in a different way than your usual routine, creating new possibilities in your body and mind, and in your connection with your partner.

What's Next?

What's Next?

These are the three basic areas that must be attended to if you want to shift your relationship with your penis. Working only with one of these might bring you some relief, but it’s unlikely you’ll experience the truly satisfying, connected, pleasurable sex that you are longing for.

So what’s next?

You have some options here.

You can take what you’ve learned here so far and see if you can make some changes on your own.

Or, you can sign up for the PE Project to get 13 recorded modules that address all three of the areas above and more.

Here's how the PE Project Works

Here's how the PE Project Works

As soon as you sign up, you’ll receive one module a week. Each module will contain:

A video/audio teaching segment, introducing this week’s practices and why they matter

Guided audio practice(s) for you to download and make use of

PDFs of any images that I share, and any homework assignments that I give you

I'll also offer monthly office hours where you can call in (anonymously, of course) to ask any questions you might have, and get support and coaching from me around this process and all of the practices that I’m sharing here.

Office hours will take place on the second Tuesday of each month (beginning July 10th), 4:30 - 5:30 pm Mountain Time.

You get access to these calls for a full year from the day you sign up. Meaning, if you sign up in May, you have until the following May to join the calls. You can join one of them, all of them, or none of them! They are simply there for you to get support in this process.

Investment

Investment

The PE Project is an investment in yourself, your penis, your relationship, and your pleasure. This course is a commitment, not a quick fix. I cannot guarantee that your PE will be solved or eradicated, but if you dedicate and devote yourself to the practices in this course, you will come away with a changed relationship with your penis and your pleasure.

You have two options for payment:

Be one of the first 10 men to sign up, and get $100 off! Just use the code First10 for the pay-in-full option, or First-10 for the payment plan option.

Pay in 2 monthly payments of $167

Or, save a few bucks and pay in full for $299

Please Note: Clicking either button will take you to a new page, powered by a program called MemberSpace. I use MemberSpace to make sure that only people who are in this course get access to the content. On the first page, it will ask you to create an account (name, email, password), and the next page asks for your payment information. Once that goes through, you are in! And remember, I'll start releasing content, one module per week, starting May 16th.

About Alyssa

About Alyssa

I am a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, and Relationship and Intimacy Guide. I work with couples and individuals around all things sexual, covering the basics of anatomy of arousal and different ways to touch and cultivate pleasure, helping people integrate sexual trauma and work through shame, troubleshooting sexual challenges, and using sexual pleasure as a doorway into knowing ever more about ourselves and the world. I incorporate touch into some of my work with clients as a way to actually explore what's happening for them, rather than only talking about it. And I'm interested in getting to the very core of what's going on for my clients rather than providing bandaids or quick fixes.

Course Content

Course Content

Part 1: Embodiment Practices

Module 1:Mindfulness, Embodiment, and Self-Pleasuring

Mindful, Embodied, Self-Pleasure Practice (not all masturbation is created equal)

A few notes on Pornography

Foundational practices that will help you get in your body, connect with your penis, and begin to have more awareness and control

Module 2:What’s in a Name?

The language that you use (or don’t use) for your body matters

Why you need a name that feels good to you

How to land on the name that is exactly right for you and your body

Module 3:Nervous System + Arousal

Learn the basics of the autonomic nervous system, and what they have to do with your arousal and orgasm/ejaculation

Plus ways to hack your nervous system, to either slow it down or speed it up

And finally, ways to resource yourself, in and out of the bedroom, so that you can relax, put anxiety to rest, and enjoy your body

Module 4:Muscle Tension and Orgasm

The difference between orgasm and ejaculation (that’s right, they aren’t one and the same)

How muscle tension plays in to your arousal and orgasm

How to use muscle tension/relaxation to increase or decrease arousal, and intensify pleasure

Module 5: Awareness, Breath, Touch + moving energy around

The power of SLOWing down

Way down

So you can feel the subtleties of sensation and your experience

And ways to move your arousal throughout your body so that it’s less concentrated in your penis

Different ways to touch and be touched that can nourish all the parts of you

Module 5: Awareness, Breath, Touch + moving energy around

The power of SLOWing down

Way down

So you can feel the subtleties of sensation and your experience

And ways to move your arousal throughout your body so that it’s less concentrated in your penis

Different ways to touch and be touched that can nourish all the parts of you

Module 6:Edging + the Big Draw + Sound + Stopping

Transcending (but not forgetting) the two main methods for ejaculation control: stop-start, and pressure

Edging, the Big Draw, and other techniques to spread the energy of arousal, stop arousal, and slow it down

Part 2: Exploring the Story of Your Penis

Module 7:Penis History Lesson

See how we’ve venerated, (mis)understood, and stigmatized the penis throughout human history

Start the work of breaking yourself free of these stories and assumptions

And then, write your own

Module 8:Personal Penis History

Review your relationship to and experience of your penis throughout your life

Move beyond posture and collapse

Into a story that is inspiring, compelling, and empowering

Module 9:Your relationship to Masculinity

What we could call “patriarchy” doesn’t just impact women; your roles have been defined by it as well and much of it lands right on your penis

Your masculinity might be in the shadows, it might be hiding, it might be shamed away because it’s dangerous and unwanted

Or, an unhealthy version of masculinity might be at the forefront of your expression in the world

We’ll connect to your wild masculine, giving you a starting out point for reconnecting to this energy from the inside out

Part 3: Bringing your new relationship with your penis to your partner

Module 10: The impact of your relationship on your penis

Even if your PE predates your current relationship, it’s not happening in a vacuum (no a perfect relationship wouldn’t fix your PE)

Do a relationship review to see how the layers of your relationship with your partner – emotional, physical, sexual, etc – might be impacting your PE

Get really honest with yourself about the state of your relationship

Module 11: Setting yourself up for success

How to set a context with your partner so that you can both begin to relate differently when it comes to sex

Learn how to enroll her as your ally rather than your enemy or judge

Learn a practice to try with her that is as much about her pleasure as it is yours.

Module 12: Nourishing Touch

Many individuals and couples are surprised that touch without expectations or agenda is what they are truly craving, even more than sexual touch

How nourishing touch can begin to create safety in your partnership

Learn what nourishing touch is and how to set up space to provide and receive it

Module 13: Tying it all together

How to set up edging with your partner (and, try it for her too!)

How to introduce all of these practices and techniques to her

Ways to practice together so that it feels fun

Bonuses

Sensate Focus: cultivate safety and anticipation (depending on how you set it up) with your partner, and learn to focus on the pleasurable sensations in your body

Bossy Massage: Have a hard time giving or receiving feedback in the bedroom? This game can help both you and your partner work through that

Pendulation Practice: Stuck in one particular way of getting off? Or, want to wean yourself off of porn? Learn how to combine your habitual ways of finding pleasure with new ways so that your erotic map expands

Sign Up Here

Sign Up Here

Here are your payment options:

Be one of the first 10 men to sign up, and get $100 off! Just use the code First10 for the pay-in-full option, or First-10 for the payment plan option.

Pay in 2 monthly payments of $167

Or, save a few bucks and pay in full for $299

Please Note: Clicking either button will take you to a new page, powered by a program called MemberSpace. I use MemberSpace to make sure that only people who are in this course get access to the content. On the first page, it will ask you to create an account (name, email, password), and the next page asks for your payment information. Once that goes through, you are in! And remember, I'll start releasing content, one module per week, starting May 16th.

Want more?

Want more?

Already know you want a deeper divethan what a virtual course can offer?

You might already know that you're ready for more, or you know that just doing a virtual course isn't enough to keep you focused and engaged. You like to dive deep and get individualized one-on-one support. If you are one of those men, check out the options below. These options and rates are available to you for a full year from your purchase date of the PE Project, meaning you can decide 2 weeks from now, 4 months from now, or 364 days from now that you want to add on one of these options.

Add on two 45-minute Virtual Coaching Sessions

The best thing about virtual sessions? You can be anywhere in the world! I use Zoom or the phone for virtual sessions, and they offer an opportunity for you to receive individualized support. We can dive deep into the underlying causes of your PE, trouble shoot and explore the practices, and work with the shame and trauma that lives in you and your body. You might be surprised to see how much of an impact simply sharing your experience can be.

Add on Three 2-hour In-Person Sessions

These sessions will take place in Boulder, CO, and we can do them as a mini-intensive (3 days in a row) which works great if you are not local to the Boulder/Denver area. If you are local, or if you come to the Boulder/Denver area regularly, we can spread these sessions out over a few weeks or months. Please note, if you do travel from out of town, this fee does not include travel, accommodations, food, transportation, etc.

If you know about my work already, you know that, when it's appropriate, helpful, and agreed upon, I work hands-on with clients. I remained clothed during sessions, and touch is one-way, from me to you. Using touch to explore your arousal and the responsiveness of your body in a safe, caring, shame-free setting, can go a long way in shifting your PE as you have the time, space, and opportunity to learn about your body and your pleasure in a way you never have.

Add on an In-Person 3-5 dayDeep-Dive Intensive

We’ll work together to set up a plan that comes at your PE and your relationship to sexuality, your body, and pleasure from all angles, and is completely customized to your process and experience. We'll explore hands-on work, and other experiential activities, time in nature, talking, and more. Use the form to the right (or below if you're on a phone or tablet) to email me to set up a free 45-minute discovery session to explore what’s possible.

In-Person intensives start at $2000, which does not include travel, accommodations, food, transportation, etc., and include a virtual session before your intensive to set things up, and a virtual session afterwards to help you integrate everything into your life.

Name *

Email Address *

Subject *

Message *

Thank you!

Testimonials

Testimonials

"...the moment I stepped into Alyssa’s workspace, things began to shift. The experience was like walking, slowly, into the embrace of a warming and brilliant sea. Alyssa’s deeply grounded and exquisitely feminine presence melted the sharp edges of my anxieties, allowing me to relax into an ultra-present engagement with my moment-to-moment experience..."

– BW, Artist

"Alyssa Morin continues to impress and inspire me with both the edgy, important, alive material she is offering to the world of men, women, and relationships, as well as her growing skill as a practitioner and guide in the realms of sex and intimacy. I consistently experience Alyssa as skillfully filling the void left between traditional therapy and coaching with her radical and vital work connecting humans more deeply with themselves and others."

– Jeff James Howard, MA, LPC

More About Me

More About Me

NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THAT SEX WAS ABOUT PLEASURE.

Connection, yes. Making babies, got it. But pleasure? Fun? A way to express the many sides of myself, learn more about myself, a portal into altered states of consciousness? All of that was whitewashed away in ignorance fear, embarrassment, misunderstandings, and shame.

I'm not blaming anyone in particular for this; it is systemic, the water we swim in.

The journey to where I stand now, a Certified Sexological Bodyworker and Somatic Sex Educator, was a winding and meandering one. Undergraduate studies in college lead to a degree in journalism, taught me to think for myself, and revealed that most of the questions I was interested in asking would not be answered – perhaps could not even be asked – in the ivy covered halls of academia.

Twenty-two years spent in gymnastics facilities, as both athlete and coach, taught me much about the body, its mechanics, its beauty and grace. I learned of sacrifice and devotion, pain and frustration, triumph and failure, friendship and betrayal. I learned what humans need to relax into and trust another to catch them as they hurl their bodies through the air, while refining a capacity to look deeply into complexity and find and name the simple adjustment that can change everything.

Deep dives into the relational practice of Circling, Zen Meditation, and Women’s Culture and Community, along with medicine journeys and soul work, slowly peeled back layers to reveal the truth that had perhaps existed all along: Sex is my work.

As a kid and teenager, my sexual education consisted of, “wait until you’re married,” followed up with alarming information about STIs and the basics of reproduction. Nothing about pleasure or the complexities of intimate relationships. I felt profoundly alone when it came to sex and relationships, and totally mystified. I’d explored my own body enough to know what felt good, and I’d had a few lovers that had opened doors to new sexual pleasure for me, but I had a feeling more was possible if only I knew where to look – or touch.

Three years ago, a dear friend and mentor of mine began putting together a group of women – The Women’s Temple – to explore erotic arts together. We gathered monthly to not only talk about our sexuality, but to work hands on with one another, to witness one another, and to be in our pleasure together. The combination of information, community, and guidance transformed my sexuality, and my entire life.

I came out of that two-year experience deeply rooted in my body, connected to my pleasure, sensuality, and sexuality, able to communicate about sex with partners in new ways, and with some key resources and practices that continue to expand my sexuality to this day. I also came away with a deep capacity to meet the intensity of my life head on, to tend to my needs and desires, to metabolize grief, anger, and suffering, and with an unshakable trust in the world and my place in it.

Sex is my work, but it's about way more than that. It's about sex and pleasure as a doorway into knowing ourselves and the world. It's about bringing our sex out into the light and sharing it in safe and thoughtful ways in service of understanding, expanding, and healing all sides of it.

More than sex, my work is about seeing and being seen. It's about going into the dark, hidden, secret places in people's hearts, minds, and bodies, and bringing love, compassion, and care. I create space for people to welcome and experience all of themselves. To move into the grief and the pleasure, the heartbreak and the joy without hesitation.

FAQs

FAQs

What results can I expect?

This is a hard one to answer, because it depends on so much. It depends on how much you practice and with what kind of quality, what the underlying causes of your PE are, how supportive your partner is (or isn't), how responsive your body is, what kind of habits you've acquired when it comes to pleasure, and so much more. I can't, nor am I willing to guarantee that through the 13 modules of this course, your PE will be eradicated. To do so would be dishonest and misleading. I can, however, guarantee, that you will end these 13 weeks with a different relationship to your penis, your body, pleasure, and sex.

Is my participation confidential?

Yes! I'm the only person who will know that you are participating in this course, and I won't share your information with anyone for any reason.

What's your refund policy?

I offer a full refund within 7 days of purchase. After that, no refunds will be granted (of course, I’m human, and I get that shit happens – emergencies, deaths, health crises. Just let me know and we’ll work it out). To request a refund, email me at alyssa@thiseroticlife.org.

Why can’t I have access to all of the modules right away?

I'm so glad you asked! There is, of course, some very specific reasoning here. First, I want you to pace yourself. What's the rush? Second, I want you to slow down and take the time to actually integrate these practices and experiences into your life and your body. Finally, I want to make sure you don't pick and choose modules, or jump around. The order is designed intentionally to take you deeper and deeper into your process. Skipping around might leave you feeling more confused and frustrated than when you began.

How long will I have access to the course?

You'll have access for a full year from the purchase date. All of the videos, audios and PDFs are downloadable, so if you take the time to download them, you can access them for years to come.

How do I know if the PE Project is right for me?

If reading everything above is eliciting a response in your body – warmth, sweat, rush, tingle, buzz – tune in, and listen to those sensations. You might get an answer. You could be feeling fear, excitement, a lean in, a repulsion. Any and all of those are possible signs that you are ready. If you aren’t sure, send me an email (alyssa@thiseroticlife.org) and we can explore whether or the PE Project is the right fit for you at this time.

How much time can I expect to devote to this each week?

Between the video/audio classes and the practices (that could happen as often as once a day), you can expect to invest 2 to 5 hours per week.

What if I’m struggling with ED? Will this program help me too?

To a large extent, yes! Most of the embodiment practices, the exploration in the story and history of your penis and sexuality, and most of the ways to bring your challenge into your relationship will all convert easily to ED. Some practices (mainly edging) won't necessarily help your challenges in the same way, and I won't go into the details of what's happening in your body with ED as much (although there will be some information included because they often go hand in hand). BUT, when you get down to it, the main intent of the PE Project is to help you land in and know your body more and more. That can do wonders for ED too :)

What if I’m not struggling with anything? Will this program benefit me?

Totally! I'm biased toward the idea that all of us could use more connection with our bodies and our pleasure. Most of us get really disappointing sexual education. The PE Project can give you ways to connect with your body and your pleasure that you won't really find anywhere else.

What if I don’t have a partner?

No problem. You can save the Part 3 for a time when you do have a partner. Remember, you'll have access to the course for a full year, and everything is downloadable! Whenever you are ready to bring all of this to a partner, you'll have the tools you need.