This time of year, the discussion of homework of course seems to come up everywhere you go. In the grocery stores, school events, and even in the Wall Street Journal – Too much, too early, too long, too inane, too disconnected, too confusing, and on and on go the complaints from parents and kids everywhere. A kindergarten parent I know was shocked to learn they had an hour of sit down work each evening. A 6th grade parent I know stated 2-3 hours was the norm. Nightly.

We are lucky this year, across the board, we seem to be in situations where the teachers agree with us that busy-work homework doesn’t do anything and that learning takes place everywhere.

Our 4th grade teacher told the kids the goal this year was not to worry. She wants them to actually learn NOT to worry. It’s a brilliant message to send to a room full of 9 and 10 year olds. She told the parents at back to school night that family life takes priority. That’s a brilliant message to send to a room full of parents in the second week of school.

Our 6th grader has homework each night but it seems to make sense. Each night he is assigned reading and then he’s to write a paragraph about what he read. It’s lovely. Sure he has some math work too but that seems pertinent and he seems to be able to get most of it done during school hours – with only a tiny bit left by the time he gets home.

Our kindergarten team has decided on monthly family projects which I love and which we had once before with a second grade teacher. They are to be completed over the course of a month – together. Not by the parents only or by the child only but all together – siblings too if they want to help. The result with our first family project was the fourth grader stepping in as mentor and helper to the kindergartner. Family time created. Sibling connection fostered. Project completed with more beauty than could be imagined.

Even our high schooler seems unaffected by homework this year what with a study hall each day and a long bus ride during which she catches up on all her required reading.

The teachers seem to get it this year. They seem to understand what the whole child needs – that playtime and downtime and fresh air time and family time are crucial to the child for integration of all they learned that day.

If your teachers don’t get it and your child and family seem overwhelmed with work, perhaps its time for parents to take it into their own hands. When you see that busy work is just that, when you see that a child can’t possibly learn anything more when they are hitting the wall and crashing hard, when you see that sleep would be the best learning tool they could possibly have at that moment in time or fresh air or just laying on the front porch staring up at the sky, say enough.

Write a note to the teacher explaining the situation.

Work with the teacher and have a discussion about the goals behind homework. They may be doing it because it’s all they know. Share your views.

Talk to your school about shifting to a school wide homework policy.

If your teacher insists on pages being completed, do the homework for them. Make sure they know the material then send your child out to play, to bed or wherever you think they need to be.

Remember that you are the parent and you actually know what is best for your child.

Ask for homework packets that can be completed over the course of a week and more likely to be done with the ebb and flow of family life.

Make all homework a family project. Sit together and work cooperatively. We work cooperatively all the time as a society – do it with homework too.

Start a revolution in your school. Ban together with other parents. Write the principal. Involve the PTA

Choose a different kind of schooling if you can. Homeschool. Co-op school. Start a charter. Look around and see that you have options.

Accept a lower grade. So what if your 4th grader gets a B instead of an A. Does it really matter at that point? College won’t be looking at your early elementary grades. Allow the wholeness of the child to take precedence over a grade on a piece of paper. I know this isn’t easy but think about it, if we teach our child that grades are the priority, what are we teaching them about intrinsic value?

What are some things your family has done to make homework easier? More family friendly? I’d love to know.

12 Comments to 'Homework. Making it work.'

Homework around our house has ALWAYS been a struggle.
Lianna Jr is too smart to be bothered with it.
Madison is also smart but it takes him hours to complete every item required.
Oliver was just diagnosed with ADD, Dyslexia, Disgraphia among other learning disabilities so the past three years have been Hell for him.

This year the teachers do seem to “get it”! Hallelujah!
Lianna (now a JR in HS) respects her teachers and they respect her. She is loving even the core classes. There is no “busy” work. She only has to work on big projects if need be.
Madison (5th grade) has a more group environment in his class. He still has HW but isn’t taking the whole dang night.
Oliver (3rd grade). His teachers are brilliant! His reading exercises this year consist of a packet that is to be completed by Friday morning. Much of that ebb and flow you talked about. But that’s not the best part. The spelling words he so desperately needs to practice is in the form of activities. He can write them in shaving cream, peanut butter, different colored pencils, glitter, the computer, write a poem, write a whole story, build them out of craft items, plus many other options. He’s excited – we all have fun – everyone is involved.

Sorry this was so long but this topic has been huge for me personally over the years. Thank you Bern for bringing it up!
And, yes! The one thing I have learned especially during the last year is we are the parents. We are in charge. Take it and run!

KarenSeptember 10, 2012

I love this – thank you!

Paige NeJameSeptember 10, 2012

Love the idea of making “not worrying” a priority for the school year. The funny thing is that you ALWAYS hear about math and reading tutors, but what about tutoring for character and values…nobody ever had a tutor for that. We must be our kids’ tutors in this area if we want them to be authentically successful, not just kids who know how to spit back info to get good grades.

Karen WoodSeptember 10, 2012

As a math teacher to 9 and 10 graders I def do not give homework every night just to keep kids busy. I tell the kids that some nights I need them to practice what we did in class that day and also give them about 10-15 min to start it in class to ask questions. I also don’t grade homework for correctness, just completion. As long as they have tried every problem to the best of their abilities they get credit. My HW policy is met with little resistance from parents and kids. Would you believe though that every year on parents night there are a few parents who are shocked and kind of mad that I don’t give homework every night!? I think maybe they are worried their kid will fall behind! Also at our school we have lots of mandated homework free weekends where teachers may not assign homework or plan a test or quiz for the following Monday. Sometimes those weekends are badly timed for me and I really need to give kids an assignment on a Friday so I make a deal with them… I give the homework and in exchange I give them the next TWO weekends off! It’s a good deal and I get no complaints!

adminSeptember 10, 2012

Yes! Karen reasonable and practical and applicable!!

ChristiSeptember 12, 2012

As a parent, I’m inclined to agree.

As an educator, I’d like to also point out the value in teaching children to respectfully discuss something that doesn’t work for them (self-advocacy). Try the homework, then you have data to support what about it doesn’t work for you. And if your teacher says “keep going, not all assignments will feel this way to you,” trust him/her.

The key is discussing this with the other team members in your child’s life-the educators. Parents know their kids best, but teachers have an important role, too. And it should never be the child that decides “I don’t like this so I’m not doing it.” Not all moments or assignments in life are as meaningful as others. (Not that the article claimed this, but I have heard kids say “I didn’t want to so mom said I didn’t have to,” leaving me to wonder who makes the rules.)

If a parent disagrees with the policy and decides not to follow it, that message should be communicated so that the children aren’t caught in the middle. And so the children understand this doesn’t apply to every/any situation. We’ve all parented through the “but I don’t waaannnnnaaa” moments. Sometimes, they gotta even if they don’t wanna.

Homework should not be a source of tears, frustration, anger, etc. All that does is send kids to school the next day resentful and not eager to learn. I’d rather not assign homework and have well-rested kids return to school eager to start again!

Lastly, as a parent, a big “hells no” to doing it for them! I already passed 4th grade.

adminSeptember 12, 2012

Thanks for the insight Christi – all really good points. I totally agree that the discussion needs to be had with the teacher first and foremost and from there decisions can be made by the parents – certainly not by the child on their own.

As for doing it for them, I still feel if there is an unreasonable teacher (which we have been lucky to NOT have) then new rules are in order. A teacher that insists, regardless of the dialogue or situation, is only increasing a child’s disdain for school. So I still say in that case doing it for them after you realize they know the lesson is definitely a tactic that could be taken.

I’m so glad to get all these teacher responses on here. IT’s good to get a teacher’s perspective.

JenSeptember 17, 2012

Loved this topic and perspective you have shared. We have been fortunate to have only had one teacher that seemed to give busy work. She was very disorganized and I think she did not manage time well in class so alot had to come home. This year is the best to date! Our 1st grader’s teacher just finished her Master’s in which she shared with us taught them that manditory homework and timed reading gets the child focused on the time vs love of reading or the subject. Therefore, she is not making any homework a requirement, but asked parents to try to read with our child every night until they lose interest, the goal being to increase reading endurance. Our other daughter is given the task of reading nightly and also writing a private journal between herself and her parents. She writes to us and shares her feelings and asks us questions. We in turn have a week to write back to her and ask some others. The teacher glances to see that it is being done but does not read it. My 10 year old LOVES this and we are having so much fun. It gives us the time to have those heart to hearts when sometimes the hurry of the day makes us lose site of what is really important.

adminSeptember 17, 2012

This totally made me cry! So beautiful and so perfect. Thank you so much for sharing this.

BriOctober 9, 2012

As a former educator and someone who is opposed to excessive and/or worksheet homework, I too would not recommend every doing the homework for your child. Your child’s teacher knows your child and his or her handwriting and will most likely take the assignments to the principle and not accept them anyway. In an attempt to protect your child I think it would backfire and worse off your child could be accused of cheating. We have to do what is best and right for our children, but I don’t see how doing their homework and showing them that sometimes it’s ok to lie/cheat would be a lesson that I would want to teach my kids.

adminOctober 9, 2012

I would like to stress that I only recommend this in extreme cases where a teacher is being unreasonable and unwilling to accept life as an excuse for not always getting it done.

AmandaMarch 4, 2013

My 7 year old comes home with homework that takes up hours of her evening. It is making me insane. And I know that it is negatively affecting her as well. We just moved to a new school and all of us are wishing we were back at the old school because of the homework load being put on her. There is no more positivity in the classroom when kids are stressing all night long over assignments that really do nothing to help them. When I spoke with the teacher about this her reasoning was that they are trying to teach my child responsibility. Isn’t that my job? Sounds more like busy work when the goal is to learn responsibility instead of the actual lesson.