Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

This brings to mind one of Ellen DeGeneres's skits about relaxing in a seaweed bath at a spa, and discussing the process by which they rinse off every nook and cranny (or should I say fanny?). Holy uncomfortable.

Dave, this is your blog so you can most certainly post anything you want. That being said, I'm asking, no, begging that you warn a fella the next time you feel like posting a picture of a fat, bald guy rubbin' himself with giant spinach.

I would consider it a personal favor and if you're ever in Montana I'll wash your car or sumpthin.

My favorite spa experience involved lying in a tiled room on a plastic-draped gurney, drenched in olive oil, scrubbed with "sea salt" (it looked a lot like kosher to me), and then left to "relax", with the suggestion that I "turn over" after half an hour.

Have you ever tried to turn over while lying on a narrow surface covered in olive oil??? Glad they didn't have YouTube then.

(When you're sufficiently "relaxed", they pull down a big ol' shower wand, like they use in the car wash, and sluice as much of the gunk off as they can. Then hot towels, yada yada, and when it's all over you can just FEEL how much cleaner your bank account is after having all that pesky money drained out through its pores.)