Wednesday, 17 February 2010

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS

- Take One -

Two engineering students were walking across the campus when onesaid, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterdayminding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothesprobably wouldn't have fit."-----------------------

- Take Two -

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glassis half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needsto be.------------------------ Take Three -

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for aparticularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's withthese people? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

"Hi George, what's the matter with that group ahead of us? They'rerather slow, aren't they?"

The green keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blindfire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a firelast year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's sosad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact myophthalmologist friend and see if there is anything he can do forthem."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"-----------------------

- Take Four -

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitudeand spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him anhour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hoveringapproximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is,technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of yourinformation, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've notbeen much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where youare going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity ofhot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, andyou expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is youare in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now,somehow, it's my fault."-----------------------

- Take Five -

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Engineers believe that if it isn't broken, it doesn't have enough featuresyet.-----------------------

- Take Seven -

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether itwas better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solidfoundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of thepassion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" Replied the architect and artist.

"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume youare spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab andget some work done."-----------------------

- Take Eight -

One day, an engineer was crossing a road when a frog called out tohim and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me backinto a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." Theengineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returnedit to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into aprincess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again theengineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into hispocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm abeautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do anything youwant. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look. I'm an engineer. I don't have time for agirlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."