That is a like a whole book's worth of great sex advice in one concise sentence! Karategrrl, you rule!

Aw shucks!

Tons of great stuff on here and I don't have much more to add but did want to touch a bit more on the sex issue.

QUOTE(strongirl @ Sep 29 2011, 01:23 PM)

After all, if your body can experience sexual pleasure and give it to another person, isn't that something to revel in and celebrate? And shouldn't we feel gratitude and appreciation for our bodies when they do that? Yes! We should! ...So with that in mind...I encourage you all to "get busy"!

OMG this is SO wonderful. Thank you for this reminder, strongirl! Seriously, I had forgotten this idea for like 10 years. Certainly something to "actively" celebrate!

And PS: Can we have penis appreciation day/month too? I do appreciate penises. Very much. And breasticles, too, of course.

"And consider this: you obviously already ARE wanted by a guy; feel good about that fact and sleep with him--or not (and practice safe sex if you do)! <hug> "

That is a like a whole book's worth of great sex advice in one concise sentence! Karategrrl, you rule!

Tons of great stuff on here and I don't have much more to add but did want to touch a bit more on the sex issue.

I don't recommend having sex SOLELY to feel better about your body based on someone desiring you, although I don't think that's actually what anyone on here was thinking/intending. But people do it, and to me it seems a bit 1) exploitive of the person you're having sex with and 2) negatively reinforcing the idea that your value comes from being desired by others.

And I completely agree with Karategrrl's points about there being other considerations in the decision, too.

That said, I think that good sex has many diverse benefits beyond the main ones of experiencing sexual pleasure and connecting intimately with another person. One of them is that it promotes feeling positive about your body and less hung up about it's "imperfections". After all, if your body can experience sexual pleasure and give it to another person, isn't that something to revel in and celebrate? And shouldn't we feel gratitude and appreciation for our bodies when they do that? Yes! We should! And appreciation for one's body is the opposite of the negative, critical thinking that we try to help each other overcome in this forum.

Secretsights88 - So much good advice on here that I don't feel like i have anything add. Except I concur! ha ha I can offer empathy though since my little sister has is two cup sizes bigger than i am (it's no secret though because i am always bitching about it on here. LOL!!!). I think a lot of it depends on your sister's maturity level. I agree with karategrrl that you should tell her everything that you have written here. If you don't feel like you can talk to her, maybe write her a letter? I've tried talking to my sis about my issues with her teasing me many times, and for a while it gets better but she inevitably goes back to her old ways. But lately as she has gotten older, it has gotten better. I believe her maturity is finally catching up to her cup size.

DeeRayy - Yeah, karategrrl is right. Regardless of whether you decide to accept the booty-call or not, you should feel good that this guy totally wants you - booblets and all! It is, after all, Hispanic Heritage Month. He is just showing his appreciation of sexy Hispanics.

my bigger breasted friends comment on how they are jealous that I can wear low cut shirts and make it look classy because if they wear anything like that they just look like a whore. Small breasts definitely are sexy in their own right (especially if you own them and love them) and have serious advantages!

Thank you for this reminder. People have told me this too. I can actually get away with wearing v-necks almost down to my bra (where the cups connect in the middle) at work! Hey, I will take any and every bit of encouragement I can!

No one was making comments about my breasts, but I wear the T-shirt bras that have a little shaping (light padding, I guess, though not a push up or the add-a-cup type) and as I was driving or sitting and eating or whatever, I was just really aware of the fact that when I get into certain positions, I can feel how I'm just not filling up the cup--I can press on it and it goes in, empty. No social pressure, just an self-induced annoyance.

I hear you on this one karategrrl. I coach swimming and some of the girls on my team are "growing up" and now there are a few 12 year olds who have bigger breasts than their coach : ( sigh. Just like you said, no one making comments, no social pressure, just me being annoyed by it.

And secretsights88- that is no fun having your gay friend make jokes about your body. Things said in jest can be shaken off but it still might get to you after awhile. I bet he would understand if you explained to him that these things were legitimately hurtful (gay men go through a lot as well, hopefully he can see that these types of jokes are not welcome).

Other than my annoyance that the 12 year old girls on my team have bigger breasts than me, personally I have been doing really well with accepting my body and loving my boobs lately. I think it has something to do with my overall self esteem. It's not a matter of big vs small breasts, but a matter of loving myself as a whole person and loving the small breasts BECAUSE they are connected to that person. It makes me me, it makes me unique and special. Also, when I wear the crazy padded victoria secret bras I DONT liike the way it looks on me, I am just not comfortable with big boobs- I quite enjoy having men look me in the face instead of making me feel objectified by staring at my breasts. So secretsights88, YOU actually have an advantage over your sister and her friend in that it is probably easier for you to get taken seriously and you can wear certain clothing without looking slutty. Some of my bigger breasted friends comment on how they are jealous that I can wear low cut shirts and make it look classy because if they wear anything like that they just look like a whore. Small breasts definitely are sexy in their own right (especially if you own them and love them) and have serious advantages!

Yay for loving little boobies. And again, I think it all starts with security about who we are and then security about what we happen to look like will follow.

God, I fucking LOVE this place. Thank you, thank you, all of you, for helping to keep me sane. Seriously. That said...

"At least you can dump stupid boyfriends, but you can't dump family or friends, especially the ones you love so much (because despite making my friends/sister sound like tit obsessed morons here, they're great with me in other areas)."Secretsight88, we must be synching up (are you having premenstrual cramps too?) b/c it was kind of a tough weekend for me too. No one was making comments about my breasts, but I wear the T-shirt bras that have a little shaping (light padding, I guess, though not a push up or the add-a-cup type) and as I was driving or sitting and eating or whatever, I was just really aware of the fact that when I get into certain positions, I can feel how I'm just not filling up the cup--I can press on it and it goes in, empty. No social pressure, just an self-induced annoyance. And I'm all muscular and ripped and shit (my upper body, anyway), but I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror Sat night with this little nighttime top on that I thought might look all sexy and all I could see was muscles in my chest and where my chest and shoulder muscles meet. Mind you, that is cool but it would be nice to have that AND some more breast tissue. On most days I strongly feel that I could never do implants b/c I would like REAL breast tissue; yesterday I actually thought for half a second that I'd even settle for silicone gel just to experience the feeling of having SOMETHING to put in a bra. But even as I type this, I'm thinking of all the people in the world without arms or legs who'd give anything to experience the sensation of a limb, or women who identify as men who'd give anything to experience the feeling of having a penis. I don't have anything intelligent to add. Just random thoughts I'm sharing!

Secretsight, can you show your sis your post or email it to her? I mean, you really did spell out your feelings very well. Have you considered not going out with this particular group to clubs, where there's a more-likely-than-usual change they'll be doing/saying all the things that are upsetting? Or invite another non-busty friend along who understands? Also, I have to say that what you speak of disgusts me a little. I feel that it's good for everyone to feel confident about whatever it is about themselves that they like, but the idea of using it to consciously manipulate another just sounds like a selfish, immature power trip to me, and the men who respond to it sound like morons. As a woman, the only counterpart to the "busty women flaunting it" bit is when men are muscular and built nicely and they wear tank tops or skintight muscle shirts when it's freezing out. Puh-leese. You can still tell when someone's built nicely when they're wearing more appropriate clothing. To me, it's more attractive when there's still a sense of a little mystery and modesty. But that's just me!

"the thought of sex is very tempting because it would be nice to feel wanted by a guy again. i know i'm very young and probably not ready for casual sex but it is still tempting nonetheless. i'm just curious about your thoughts on this matter."OMG I can so relate. Well, I'm not a casual sex girl either but I once slept with a friend whom I trusted for the exact same reason--just to feel desired; I hadn't had intercourse in 5 years (!). The sex was OK but the aftermath was a distaster b/c he ended up telling someone whom I did not want to know. It was even worse b/c I also worked with the guy and the one he told. (Mind you, this was someone I TRUSTED totally and really had thought this through carefully and still thought it was safe to go ahead.) Only you can judge this situation, but I'd say tread carefully if you think he might be one to blab about you being "easy" or about how you were in bed, etc. Men do that shit. And consider this: you obviously already ARE wanted by a guy; feel good about that fact and sleep with him--or not (and practice safe sex if you do)! <hug>

They don't know I feel like this, and I can't imagine telling them. When I've said stuff like "oh come on girls, stop boasting, some of us don't have that much" they just make the typical "feel good" comments like "but your face is very pretty" or "you could wear a push up" or "yours aren't that small" (which is a lie). I know this is my insecurity and that I shouldn't let this get to me, but it's so hard.

secretsights, have you tried talking to your sister in private about this? you say that they don't know how insecure you are about your breasts, so maybe if your sister knows then she can help out and steer the conversation away from breasts when the others start talking about it. i'm dealing with similar feelings right now. my roommate has lovely breasts that, while not extremely large, do make me feel bad about myself. however, she's catholic and very conservative so i do not have to deal with the conversations that you have to deal with.

i also have a question for the group. have any of you ever used sex as a way of feeling better about your booblets? i know this might sound really bad, but lately i've been having bad boobie days because of my roommate situation. and just recently one of my male friends in my housing facility has been, ahem, inviting me over late at night when all his roomates are gone (booty call). now, i don't see myself dating this guy but i do find him attractive. i haven't took him up on any of his offers, but on my days when i feel especially bad about my boobies the thought of sex is very tempting because it would be nice to feel wanted by a guy again. i know i'm very young and probably not ready for casual sex but it is still tempting nonetheless. i'm just curious about your thoughts on this matter.

I'm having a bit of a problem accepting my breast size lately. I think we've all dealt with morons when it comes to this, be them other women or men. But what's really sad is when you have to deal with yourself, because it's your friends and family who're (unknowingly) making you feel bad, and you have to find a way on your own to make the hurt go away.

My sister and I have always been very close. When I broke up with my ex, she was there to help me pick myself up, dust off, and move on. She introduced me to many great girls, who're now my friends and who were also very supportive, in a time in which after a long, tough relationship. I'd isolated myself from other people. I love my sister, and my friends.

But the "problem" is that my sister is quite busty. A new girl who's been hanging out with us, is also very busty. They like going to clubs and stuff, and they make a point of always wearing low cut tops. ALWAYS. They make jokes about it. They comment how men react to that, and well, they like it, they like having that "power" over men and stuff. We have a gay male friend. He's as gay as gay can be. But he's also obsessed with breasts, and he likes to joke around breasts/cleavage when we're all together. It's like he boosts this whole "having cleavage is so COOL" thing. I feel uncomfortable and bad, because they talk about this crap so much!

I mean yesterday we were hanging out, and my sister and our friend were talking about how funny it is when men talk to their cleavage instead of their eyes, because it makes them look so dumb and stupid or something like that, and that they can get away with things with certain men in such situations. I just rolled my eyes or something, and our gay pal said something like "Yeah, if I were in the need I could use you two to get my way with some men". Then he said something about me having the smallest breasts of the bunch, to which I replied with "Oh come on, cleavage is so overrated, it's not that great", to which my sister and friend kinda disagreed, and our gay friend said "Well, you look like you're ten, what did you expect?". He likes to joke around with me like that, 'cause he knows I have little tolerance for juvenile jokes, but he doesn't do it with the intention of making me feel bad. I don't think anyone (save my ex) knows just how insecure I feel about my breasts.

I don't know why this gets to me so much. I mean, of course it annoys me that my sister and friend make such stupid comments and assumptions that big breasts/cleavage is what men prefer. It's also that they share this "bond" over having big breasts that I just can't share, and it makes me feel excluded and unfeminine. And when we go to clubs, they always show off their cleavage and get more attention and that gets to me too, because not only do I have to make a huge effort to try to ignore the media as bullshit, seeing it in real life just makes it harder to ignore, especially coming from people who I love so much and who are so close to me.

They don't know I feel like this, and I can't imagine telling them. When I've said stuff like "oh come on girls, stop boasting, some of us don't have that much" they just make the typical "feel good" comments like "but your face is very pretty" or "you could wear a push up" or "yours aren't that small" (which is a lie). I know this is my insecurity and that I shouldn't let this get to me, but it's so hard.

At least you can dump stupid boyfriends, but you can't dump family or friends, especially the ones you love so much (because despite making my friends/sister sound like tit obsessed morons here, they're great with me in other areas).

lol, well none of them exactly have "big" boobies. they're all around a b cup or small c cup, which is bigger than me but not particularly busty-thank goodness! i only noticed because i seem to be the most petite one there, so i look the youngest out of all of us. sigh, it's pretty tough being petite sometimes! you feel (physically) so small and childish compared to other girls.

ahhh, okay. That's manageable.

And, I so know what you mean. For the longest time, I was absolutely convinced that I was single because no guy wanted to date a girl who looked like his little sister.

Have you thought that maybe your roommates might actually envy you because you are the most petite one there? The grass is always greener...

Good luck!! Hopefully they are not the type that flaunts their big boobies around the house...

lol, well none of them exactly have "big" boobies. they're all around a b cup or small c cup, which is bigger than me but not particularly busty-thank goodness! i only noticed because i seem to be the most petite one there, so i look the youngest out of all of us. sigh, it's pretty tough being petite sometimes! you feel (physically) so small and childish compared to other girls.

Of course we all want to be valued for who we are within and that is what ultimately matters the most in a relationship. And truly, based on my life experience, physical preferences are malleable and can change with time or recede in importance. But that doesn't mean they don't exist or matter at all...and I don't think having them or basing dating decisions on them means a person is bad or wrong. They can be part of the magical mix that is romantic attraction...like my dad's "thing" for redheads resulting in a happy 50 year long marriage with my mom. Even though her hair is silver now, he still sings this old song to her about wanting a redhaired woman, and she still giggles and blushes and loves every minute of it. Nothing against blondes or brunettes...he just loves red hair, and she loves that he loves it. Just like she loves dark-haired, exotic men, and he is that for her.

That was beautiful, Strongirl. Thank you for sharing that story.

QUOTE(DeeRayy @ Sep 13 2011, 06:56 PM)

I'm probably gonna be posting on here a little more often than before, i just moved out for the school year and out of all of my roomates, i'm sporting the smallest boobies so that'll probably get to me from time to time. wish me luck you guys!

Good luck!! Hopefully they are not the type that flaunts their big boobies around the house...

Rather than ignore or feel bad about our specific preferences, I think we should be encouraged to embrace and honor them. The thing that scares me is the opposite - when media or social pressure forces people to lose sight of their own personal preferences and go with the herd in liking what everyone else likes or what they think they're supposed to like. That's part of how I think we got into this whole big-breast obsession and implant craze to begin with - thanks a heap, Hugh Hefner. Not all guys actually prefer busty blondes like Hugh does...but after a few decades of Playboy and porn, it's difficult for guys to admit it if they're not attracted to Pamela Anderson or Holly Madison. That's what I meant when I decried the "societal pressure" to get implants as opposed to an individual decision. And I'll stand firm on saying that I really think that's unhealthy, for all of us.

Strongirl, you make a very good point. I don't think it's wrong to have preferences or specific things that you find attractive in the opposite sex. I also don't think that there's anything wrong with dating anyone who doesn't fit those preferences. I, for example, love curly hair yet my first boyfriend had stick-straight hair. I also love colored eyes yet he was brown all over, just like me. I feel that if you are attracted to the person as a whole then the other parts of them that you weren't so crazy about before should become more attractive to you. and if you really can't find someone attractive because of one body part that doesn't fit your preferences then you probably didn't really like that person as much as you thought you did.

I admit i'm very sensitive to the issue of "preferences" given my experiences. Due to the circumstances you've just listed, it's very hard to imagine that a man could actually have a preference for small breasts. so i really do appreciate any story of such guys and would love the girls on here to keep posting such encouraging stories- because i really don't think i could ever date another "boob guy" again.

I'm probably gonna be posting on here a little more often than before, i just moved out for the school year and out of all of my roomates, i'm sporting the smallest boobies so that'll probably get to me from time to time. wish me luck you guys!

Wow, what a great forum to challenge ourselves and each other to be kind, compassionate, and clear-headed about tough, tricky issues. I wish all of y'all would run for public office (I can't - too many photos out there of me naked, LOL).

I agree, Karategrrl and Kera, we really do well. I am grateful to have a place where I know I will be supported when I feel hurt and called out when I say things that might be hurtful to others. It's like family, only way less dysfunctional.

Coffeebean, you really nailed it with your comment about trying to find that balance and support each other without making anyone else the "other". It makes total sense. And while you and Deeray said that I don't owe anyone an apology, let me at least thank you all for holding me and each other to such a pure, high standard. I WANT to be called on it when I say something that might be destructive rather than constructive. Even if I just didn't word things well, I want to know the impact I'm having and be encouraged to make sure it's positive. Thanks and keep it up!

One thing that didn't get really addressed in all this (though we have addressed it in the past) is that there is a legitimate issue of "preference" that can be difficult and even painful but shouldn't be ignored. My friend who didn't want to date the woman with implants really is a good person - he simply has a strong sexual preference for small, natural breasts. The woman he ended up marrying is gorgeous in my opinion but wouldn't be picked by Playboy - she is quite small-breasted and at the same time cutely chubby and full through the hips and thighs. They're totally happy together. He never said anything bad about the friend with the implants, he genuinely liked and respected her, but in a move that I think was wise given his preferences, he opted not to date her. Like those of you who have wished guys who prefer big breasts wouldn't date you in the first place, he made a similar choice not to get in deeper.

Of course we all want to be valued for who we are within and that is what ultimately matters the most in a relationship. And truly, based on my life experience, physical preferences are malleable and can change with time or recede in importance. But that doesn't mean they don't exist or matter at all...and I don't think having them or basing dating decisions on them means a person is bad or wrong. They can be part of the magical mix that is romantic attraction...like my dad's "thing" for redheads resulting in a happy 50 year long marriage with my mom. Even though her hair is silver now, he still sings this old song to her about wanting a redhaired woman, and she still giggles and blushes and loves every minute of it. Nothing against blondes or brunettes...he just loves red hair, and she loves that he loves it. Just like she loves dark-haired, exotic men, and he is that for her.

Rather than ignore or feel bad about our specific preferences, I think we should be encouraged to embrace and honor them. The thing that scares me is the opposite - when media or social pressure forces people to lose sight of their own personal preferences and go with the herd in liking what everyone else likes or what they think they're supposed to like. That's part of how I think we got into this whole big-breast obsession and implant craze to begin with - thanks a heap, Hugh Hefner. Not all guys actually prefer busty blondes like Hugh does...but after a few decades of Playboy and porn, it's difficult for guys to admit it if they're not attracted to Pamela Anderson or Holly Madison. That's what I meant when I decried the "societal pressure" to get implants as opposed to an individual decision. And I'll stand firm on saying that I really think that's unhealthy, for all of us.