Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Everyone Got Engaged This Week

The hell? This is not the week for cold bitches who feel a shiver shoot into the satchels of ash in their chests whenever they read about an in-love couple secreting pink hearts out of their pores after getting engaged. Seriously, everyone in Hollywood has gone from putting cock rings on their fuck partners to putting engagement rings on 'em. It's an engagement epidemic! And with New Year's Eve coming, it's going to get worse. Gross. Where are you when we really need you, 2012?!

Anyway, add Reese Witherspoon to the list, because she's engaged to her agent boyfriend of almost a year Jim Toth. UsWeekly has the details:

She and Hollywood agent Jim Toth are engaged, her rep confirms exclusively to UsMagazine.com. "They are extremely happy," the rep tells Us.

The Oscar-winning actress, 34, began dating Toth, 40, around January 2010, shortly after her split from Jake Gyllenhaal. The duo went public with their romance in March during a romantic birthday weekend in Ojai, Calif.

Toth works as an agent at L.A.'s Creative Artists Agency; Witherspoon is a CAA client, but Toth doesn't represent her.

Meanwhile, Taylor Swift got on one knee and slipped a red candy ring on Jakey's finger while they played Cinderella in her playroom. Of course Jakey was Cinderella, because Taylor can't do the "innocent maiden eye flutter" as good as he can.