The Pond is no more. No, don’t freak out. The pool is still there, still holdin’ water and still being enjoyed by yours truly. It’s just that while I’d begun to get used to the idea of calling it The Pond, something happened when I was in it yesterday that changed that.

I’m swimming around, swishing my feet back and forth along the bottom to ensure there’s no chunky grains of salt still undissolved, and I feel something that shouldn’t be there. Since I can’t just grab the skimmer and fish it out, I take a breath and drop to the bottom to grab hold of it. Only…I can’t snag it. I mean, I got a finger on it a couple of times, but it feels like a leaf, and I just couldn’t hang out down there long enough to secure it. Now, I know what you’re thinking, because, I thought it too. And, it practically panicked me. Huh? WTF? I can’t stay under for twenty seconds to grab hold of a friggin’ leaf???

I know I need some exercise. But hell, I was walking over seven miles a day up until 4 weeks ago, when I broke the foot. And sure, while the weight I’d taken off has come back with a vengeance…all my stamina? Gone? Damn, shouldn’t the weight have helped me stay down a little longer?

The weight. Staying down there. Whoa. Only after a frustrating fourth time on the bottom did it occur to me—I wasn’t out of breath. It wasn’t that I couldn’t have stayed down there for a minute or longer…if I was in my sister’s pool. I pinned the object with my foot, and it all came together. It was the corner of a plastic bag I thought I had tossed over the side the night before. The night I put the third and fourth bags of salt in. That’s when the new name for my pool struck me: The Dead Sea.

Yeah, for the horror guy, even better than Crystal Lake. Kinda felt a little dumb that it took that long for it to click, but yeah, salt water, lot easier to float in. And, this pool currently has roughly 200 lbs of fresh salt dissolved in it, helping prevent the fat guy from pretending to be a lobster. The Pond has evolved into The Dead Sea, and that’s what I’m sticking with. Now, in another moment of absolute clarity, recall the guitar Pam got me for our anniversary a few weeks back?

I’d opened up the naming possibilities to friends, fans, family…anyone who reads the blog. And, I got a pretty good list of suggestions. But, none of them really grabbed me. I was getting a little antsy about it, though, too. Every time I picked her up, I’d waste a little more time trying to think of a good name before starting to play. Like trying to trap that piece of plastic on The Dead Sea floor, it was getting frustrating. And, it was detracting from my playing. And then…

The Mummy. I am a huge fan of the original The Mummy. After seeing someone posting about it the other night (happily, they torched the Tom Cruise reboot and gave a list of reasons why the original still kicks ass that sure sounded valid to me), I started thinking about that. Anck-su-Namun. While I dig it, it doesn’t fit the guitar. Yeah, maybe if I’d gotten this guitar in natural wood or a pale wood with sunburst, it’d be perfect. I’d get Scott to carve me an ankh to put on the headstock and I’d be set. But for a sea foam green vintage style guitar with this odd body shape? Much as I love the name Anck-su-Namun, it wasn’t gonna work. Ana, on the other hand (the Ah-na pronunciation). Ooh, now that felt good. Maybe not perfect, but damn, I was onto something.

I play for a while, but nothing else seems like it’s gonna jump out at me. I unplug, turn off my amp, hop behind the keyboard to get back onto a short story I’m working on, and tell Alexa, my Echo, to resume whatever playlist I’d been listening to. ’80s New Wave somethingorother. Boom.

“Do You Wanna Hold Me?” by Bow Wow Wow comes on. Ana falls by the wayside. Because now I know. It doesn’t just feel right, it feels perfect. For those not up on your ’80s New Wave, Bow Wow Wow was fronted by a mohawk sporting hot-as-Hell lead singer named Annabella Lwin. I won’t even talk about my efforts to get a good copy of “I Want Candy” on VHS back when you had to hit PLAY and RECORD at exactly the same time. I can still remember that video, and while to this day I’m ticked at how her manager stole Adam Ant’s band to back Lwin for Bow Wow Wow, I certainly hold nothing against her.

Annabella Lwin from the ‘I Want Candy’ music video!

Having her name attached to my new guitar? Having a vintage six string that needed a throwback name and pulling one from 1983? Oh, yeah. The search is over. To all who offered up suggestions? Thanks much. I appreciate all of them. If for some reason I do wind up getting another guitar somewhere down the road, one of those may be lurking on the list, simply biding its time. Keep reading the blog—you never know.
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Currently listening to: “I Sit On Acid” by Lords of Acid.

I’ve made references over the past couple of months to various ‘yard work’ we’ve been doing, some unnamed ‘home improvements’ going on, etc. Well, while the project was completed a little later than expected (partially due to weather, which killed us in June), this is what I was talking about.

I’m thinking of calling it “The Pond”. I mean, sure, Crystal Lake’s always one to bring a smile to my face, but.

Anyway, today was the maiden voyage across The Pond. And, I know just what you’re thinking: “But, but Joe. There’s no one in that pool. It’s empty.”

And, you’d be right. Kinda. You see, that pic was taken right before Pam left town. Not sure if you can see the water level, but it was probably about 3/4 full when the shutter clicked. The following day, my buddy, Scott, got the pumps and filter attached, and rain helped bring her up to the FILL line. That said, it wasn’t quite a pool. Not yet. Basically, it was a big bucket of water. And sure, while that’s what your average pool is, people who can actually swim in theirs treat the bucket water so it isn’t so…bucket-like. Only, today was Saturday. My nephews were working. Sis wasn’t available. Scott’s out of town. Pam is in New York. The weather was threatening, so inviting Billy and Tommy and John over wasn’t even a consideration. Plus, I’m all the way across town. Not to mention, Tommy has an in-ground pool. So, yeah, pool looks empty. Because while I could have set up the tripod and the selfie stick and set the phone to take some video, nope, I just started getting to work.

Which meant, despite my broken foot, starting to treat the water. Yesterday, my sis gave me a lift to Ace Hardware and Lowes, so I could get roughly 300lbs of stuff necessary to start swimming. Pam and I chose a salt water pool because it requires no chlorine, a lot less chemicals and is much less harsh on skin-which is good for Pam, who’s allergic to everything. So, since the pool is 12 foot wide by 24 foot long (much more pool than I’d been looking for, BTW), that means starting off with 210 lbs of salt.

Now, the instructions say to walk around the pool and just pour it in slowly. However, as you can see, much more pool means much less deck. So, yours truly called up the pool place, got the okay to put the salt in while I was also in there, and heaved 2 bags, sealed, over the side. And then…and then the real fun began.

Not sure if the ladder’s in the picture, but even if it is, it doesn’t matter. The pool itself? It’s great. It’s huge, it’s a little taller than the one we had back when I lived in New York, and it probably cost about one fifth of what my Dad paid almost 40 years ago. Does it have metal walls? No. Does it have a metal top rail that makes it look finished? No. But if I can get 5 years out of this thing – and plenty of people in worse places than South Florida have gotten longer out of theirs – I’m guessing Dad would be thrilled. If he was here, no doubt, he would’ve pushed me to invest a couple of bucks more, if not offered me a couple of hundred to upgrade the filter pump and get the solar cover, but I feel pretty confident he watched me hop in this afternoon and got a big kick out of it. And, not just because of the ladder. Yeah, back to the ladder.

This thing wouldn’t have supported me at 16. Of all the corners Intex cut in creating a really big, cool, sturdy pool for this price, the ladder is where they went outright cheap. This thing sucks. It’s kid-sized, at best. I wouldn’t have been able to sit on the platform at 16, much less now that I’m carrying around an extra 40 (20 thanks to the inertia surrounding having a broken foot). So, Dad? He probably got a chuckle out of seeing me trying to get up the ladder without resting too much weight on my foot, while getting that leg over the top rail and into the drink. Probably got a little worried when the weather turned on me (of course), and I had to hurry out. Yeah, hurry.

Listen, let me tell you. When I’m at my sister’s place and it starts raining? The kids get out of the pool. The blind guy doesn’t. If there’s some thunder? Ehh, I’ll think about it. If there’s some lightning? Okay, I’ll probably make for the side, at least. But, when there’s lightning so close and so bright that the blind guy can tell it flashed? Uh, yeah, earth-rattling thunder doesn’t need to be part of the equation. So, Me-So-Sightless has to get to the side of the pool. Then, because I didn’t bother turning on the music, I had to follow the edge all the way until I found the ladder. Then I had to gimp up that rickety piece of junk, get down the other side, and hobble about another 40 feet to the lanai door. All the while, with the rain pounding down. Mouse, wisely, had headed for cover when the first drops began to fall, and was eagerly awaiting my arrival on the couch in the lanai when I finally made it in. Needless to say, I did not, thankfully, get struck by lightning. Nor, to the best of my knowledge, did The Pond.

I only managed to get 2 bags of salt in. I only got about 45 minutes in the water. The ankle brace I bought yesterday is as worthless as the Intex ladder that tried to shrug me off like it was a clown gig at the circus. And still.

All in all? I was ecstatic. When we made the decision to build a deck to support the pool because leveling the yard was beyond what we could afford, we made the right call. When I broke my foot, and couldn’t keep up with my walking (I was averaging 7.5 miles a day), the weight started pouring on. I needed to get the damned pool up. It meant that Pam and I laid out a few more bucks than we’d originally planned on, but man, when I did hop in and floated out into the middle? I was in heaven. I keep getting up, using the kneeling-scooter to go to the back door to listen, see if it’s still raining, or if there’s thunder. Last time I checked, the sky was still grumbling. Ehh, who cares? Pam’s out of town. It’s the weekend. I don’t punch a clock. If it takes ’til 3am for the weather to settle down? I’m going back in. Because now it’s up. It’s finally filled and the water’s kinda treated and my sis said it looked gorgeous yesterday. Until I get a mason jar with a water sample over to Pinch-A-Penny, the local pool supply store, on Monday so they can test it and tell me what I need? Hell, what do I need?