8 people who have never watched 'The Bachelorette' pick Becca's soulmate

After 10 long weeks, Becca Kufrin has whittled a group of 28 bachelors down to just two men. Our Bachelorette connected with Garrett and Blake from the jump, but she can present only one with that final rose. Who will she choose?

To aid her in this very tough decision, we’ve enlisted the help of our resident Bachelorette experts Nick Schwartz and Steven Ruiz. They’ll pitch each guy to the rest of the For the Win staff, which has not watched a single episode this season, and leave it up to the staff to decide the guy they’d pick if they were in Becca’s shoes.

Nick will represent Blake, while Steven is representing Garrett…

(Ed. Note: Obviously Garrett’s problematic social media activity should be a factor in this decision, but since Becca was not aware of it during production, we’ll leave it out of this discussion.)

Garrett

ABC.com

Pros

Let’s start with the obvious: Garrett is tall and handsome. As Becca put it, “Life with Garrett would just be so good…. He’d be a hot dad.” Hot dads are good.

He also has a nice job — he’s a medical sales rep, while Blake is just a regular old sales rep — that allows him to move anywhere in the country. Anywhere! Where do you want to live? Garrett will accommodate.

And his family seems pretty chill. At least according to Becca. “Garrett’s family is so kind,” she said during one episode. “There’s just so much heart and love behind all of them.”

Do you like adventures? Then Garrett is your man. His family owns a farm, which might be fun. According to his bio, he loves to do outdoorsy things, like snowshoeing. So, at the very least, you’ll get to find out what snowshoeing is. Sounds like a blast.

He also does a spot-on Chris Farley impression, which he has obviously spent a lot of time working on.

Cons

If being able to hold a conversation for more than a minute at a time is a thing you need from your significant other, well, you might have to be patient with Garrett. He’s not good with, um, words…

By Becca’s own admission, Garrett is “goofy.” But it’s beyond the point where it’s endearing. I’m not sure he understands the gravity of the situation he finds himself in, and Becca has said as much throughout the season. I have a theory that Garrett is actually a 12-year-old boy who swapped bodies with an adult man. Like Tom Hanks in Big. I mean…

Garrett married his ex-wife before even living with her. Unsurprisingly, the marriage did not last long, and Garrett (along with his family) spent the season bashing the poor woman, who had no platform to defend herself. A bit of a red flag.

He also does a spot-on Chris Farley impression, which he has obviously spent a lot of time on.

Why you shouldn’t pick Blake

Blake is weird, man. He started referring to Becca as his girlfriend back in like Week 2, which is weird since she was making out with 20 other dudes at the time.

He’s also been cracking under pressure as we head down the stretch. Becca chose Garrett for a one-on-one date late in the season, and here’s how he reacted…

He later said this…

“I thought me and Becca had something special but maybe I’m just completely out of my mind. Maybe there’s nothing there. Maybe I’m making it all up in my head.”

This guy definitely has spent the season collecting tufts of Becca’s hair just in case things don’t go his way.

(Also, Blake buttons the top button on his shirts as you can see below. Major red flag.)

Blake

ABC.com

Pros

Blake has been the clear Mr. Right for Becca since the second episode of the season, when they smashed a bunch of Arie-related material with sledgehammers. It took all of one date for Becca to confess that she could “see Blake as a husband,” and Blake managed to have a conversation about their future kids’ names in Week 4 without it feeling horribly rushed or awkward. He’s consistently been open about his past and isn’t afraid to be vulnerable around Becca – a quality that has caused some misguided viewers to label him insecure.

Just look at the way Becca talks about Blake:

“I know how good I feel about Blake because I can’t get this smile off my face. I feel like I’m glowing from the inside out.”

“It just feels so natural and so right. I am falling in love with Blake, and I honestly knew it from the beginning.”

“Every moment with Blake, I don’t want it to end… my heart just recognizes his.”

Blake has been so flawless throughout this show that Becca’s expressed concern to him that things are going too well. Stop overthinking this and just marry Blake already.

Blake’s also an excellent dancer, as evidenced by their Baha Men date.

Cons

Blake was revealed to be an awful cook and useless mechanic by a family member during the hometown episode.

Why you shouldn’t pick Garrett

Becca has repeatedly voiced out concerns over the course of the season that while she’s attracted to Garrett, she wonders if “he can always challenge me and push me and last for a lifetime.” This is an astute observation, as Garrett’s about as deep as a puddle.

The bigger red flag for me, though, is Garrett’s failed marriage and the way he’s addressed it throughout the show. Garrett is the only bachelor on the cast to have married previously, and he went through a divorce after two months. Whenever the topic comes up, Garrett has relentlessly bashed and blamed his ex-wife for ruining the marriage. There’s clearly more to the story that we simply don’t know, but I don’t have much confidence in Becca and Garrett lasting a lifetime.

The FTW staff picks

Nina Mandell

So there’s one season of Unreal, the fictional series about the drama behind a fictional Bachelorette-type show where the manipulative producer convinces the Bachelorette to chose no one because she was just settling to settle by picking one of the remaining men because all of her friends had already settled and are happily married, etc. I kind of feel like that’s where we are here, but if I have to pick one for poor Becca, I guess Garrett’s family seems terrible so she should pick Blake, who it seems like she likes better anyway.

Good luck to all of them, this all seems awful.

Maggie Hendricks

Blake’s leg kicking annoys me and snowshoeing is dumb. Team Garrett. (I think. They seriously seem like the same dudes to me.)

(Ed. Note: Maggie clearly meant to pick Blake, but, like many of us, got the two mixed up.)

Michelle Martinelli

These are seriously the two best guys out of 28? Mr. Snowshoeing Man-Boy and Creepy McBad Dancer? Calling Becca his girlfriend and talking about future kids’ names after only a couple dates should have set off alarm bells for several reasons, so Becca should probably go with Garrett. And she can always listen to NPR if he doesn’t challenge her enough.

Ted Berg

What unfresh hell is this? These guys are legitimately named Garrett and Blake? If you made a Bachelorette parody and cast Garrett McHandsomeWhiteGuy and Blake O’AlsoHandsomeWhiteGuy here as the finalists, people would call it cliché. Why do we continue this charade? The world and all its structures are slowly melting around us and we’re all still out here picking between utterly interchangeable Garretts and Blakes. More importantly: Do either of these guys like baseball? I vote for whichever one likes baseball more, because if I’m Becca, or if I’m me, I pretty much just want to watch baseball, and I’d rather not jockey against one of these hot musclebound fools for control of the remote. I guess I’ll go with Blake.

Charles Curtis

This seems too easy: It’s too many red flags for me with Garrett and those quotes from Becca about Blake tell me she’s got that extra je ne sais quoi feeling for him.

Chris Korman

Becca should walk into the woods and keep going until the cameras lose her and then try to forget any of this vapid b.s. ever happened and go on to live a happy life by finding love the old-fashioned way via an app on her phone. (But there’s no way you can pick Garrett if he spent the whole season bashing his ex-wife. Have some class my dude.) Blake.

Alysha Tsuji

After reading all of this and knowing nothing about either of them, definitely Blake. The fact that Garrett and his family bashed his ex-wife throughout the season means he’s not over her, he’s really immature or he’s just a terrible person (or all of the above). And you said Becca already liked Blake so much that she said she could see him as her husband after their very first date? This isn’t a tough decision at all. She has to pick Blake.

Andrew Joseph

Garrett seems like the worst, especially after Googling “Garrett Bachelorette.” I know nothing about Blake, but I do know that he is not Garrett. Becca should pick Blake.

***

That’s a 7-1 landslide win for Blake. Becca, the decision has been made for you.

8 people who have never watched 'The Bachelorette' pick Becca's soulmate

Garrett or Blake? Which guy did the FTW staff pick for Becca?

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