Instinct kicked in the moment Kelvin Gurr heard his newborn's first cry: He would protect, provide for and care for the baby and his wife, Audrianna, who'd endured two miscarriages, a difficult pregnancy and emergency cesarean section.

New parenthood's nonstop pace defined the couple's days and nights, exhausting Gurr, not just in the weeks that followed but over years; their sons, Canyon, 5, and Oakley, 3, were born 18 months apart.

He grew uncharacteristically irritable and depressed. Too often, Gurr says, his patience ebbed and his temper flared. Ten-hour days as a chef and instructor at Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts, he says, felt like relaxing breaks from burdens at home.

Though he's usually so unshakeable that Audrianna, a therapist, calls him "the rock," Gurr, 37, says he felt like he was crumbling.

It wasn't until he joined her and other parents a couple years ago for a panel discussion about post-partum anxiety and depression, which she experienced, that Gurr realized many symptoms mirrored his. Other new dads in the room shared his sense of isolation. They told him they'd lost some part of themselves and Gurr knew that unsettling feeling.

Though seldom discussed, post-partum mood and anxiety disorders among new fathers are surprisingly common, inspiring several fledgling workshops, discussion and support groups for Portland-area men.

Meet-up: Sam Stevens, licensed marriage and family therapist, facilitates a free meet-up for new fathers at Cafe Au Play, 5633 S.E. Division St. Dads typically set the agenda themselves. Runs 12:30-2 p.m. the first Sunday of each month.

Support group: Stevens also leads a twice-monthly support group for fathers with children age 5 and younger. Cost, $80 a month. For information on when the next group will start call 503-957-8797 or email samstevensmft@comcast.net. Â

Therapy group: “Depression in New Fathers” will be offered soon by Graham Sterling of The Northwest Catholic Counseling Center. Low cost. For times, dates and other details call 503-253-0964, or email, info@nwcounseling.org. Â

Depression following childbirth has been long known, though little understood, in women. Estimates of prevalence range from 10 percent of women to 25 percent.

Causes are unclear. Hormone shifts may play a role not only in women, but also in men, whose testosterone level drops sharply after their wives or partners deliver their child. Lifestyle factors figure, too -- stress, sleeplessness, insufficient support and the plain fact that a child's arrival has changed the parents' lives dramatically and permanently.

Marital troubles put new moms and dads at higher risk, as does a history of depression or anxiety.

One big difference between the genders: Resources abound for new moms but not for new dads.

Stevens says he was in such a fog the year after his daughter's birth that he didn't recognize depression symptoms in himself. Once she started sleeping through the night and he caught up on rest, though, friends told him, "It's nice to have you back."

He asked what they meant.

They explained how down he'd seemed, told him he'd lost his playful side and didn't seem to enjoy life as much as before fatherhood.

"You stop working out. You stop going out with friends. Being a dad," Stevens says, "is really isolating."

View full sizeKelvin Gurr with Oakley, 3, at home in Northeast Portland.ROSS WILLIAM HAMILTON/The Oregonian

His experience prompted him to start one of the few meet-up groups in Portland aimed at new fathers who may be struggling with anxiety, depression or other issues. Just as friends who were old hands at navigating parenthood helped him, those who attend the monthly meetings share their successes, failures, concerns and advice, Stevens says. His goal: build "a community of dads supporting dads."

In his therapy practice, Stevens works to help new dads understand that what they're going through is normal. He helps them decipher what's in their control and what's not. He reassures them that they're not alone.

"Having realistic expectations," he says, "is a huge part of adjusting to having a kid."

When Gurr reached his breaking point, feeling burned out to the core, he sought counseling.

Over the course of a year, he's worked on lowering his expectations and cutting back on the volume of tasks he tries to accomplish at home and work. He's learned to say "no" more often and to recognize exhaustion before it causes him to snap. He asks for help now. And he acknowledges that, even when money's tight, sometimes a babysitter is worth every penny.

The strategies, he says, helped him emerge from the full-throttle, auto-pilot life he was living -- one that reminded him of his own father, who worked nonstop when Gurr and his brother were young.

Recently, he says, his father told him he wished he'd slowed down, stayed home more and taken the time to enjoy his sons' early years.