Dealing with extreme mood changes during the day?

I've been noticing almost every day I come here, panicked because my moods, emotions seem to fluctuate.Usually, around dinner time I've noticed how sad/depressed I feel. That's when I feel the worst. Midday isn't too bad, but I still feel like 'something' is missing in my day. I'm pretty sure I know what it is, so let me explain.It's also something which scares me.

I haven't been getting that energy boost. This worries me as the addict in me is still looking for 'something else' in my day. How am I ever going to 'get better' with this mind set so firmly planted inside my brain?I felt I was doing great on the sub-when I was getting the energy boost. Now, I'm not, or haven't, don't know if I will, am worried I still want it... on and on and on. Going back to my mood, I've noticed I feel more leveled in the early evening.I'm not sure what I am really asking for help here.I guess, I'd like to know if how I am feeling is part of the process. Honestly, if it is, I'm not going to be a happy camper! Maybe that doesn't sound, well, I'm not even sure, what else to say.It's like I want my cake and eat it too. I want to enjoy the energy boosts, while healing myself and get off all opiates at some point in time, while still enjoying the boosts. I think this is a very convoluted post, and I apologize for that. Then again, it is telling of where I feel I am on my journey.

Responses (2)

AN

Anonymous29 Oct 2011

Hi there,

What you are going through is part of the process of being an addict, which as we both know is a chronic illness, I was an addict for 20 years so I know some things, I know you must stop thinking about it and pardon me, justyfying yourself ( I mean it with the up most respect), you need to turn the page and start a new life with new friends, new hobbies , etc... a virtuous circle with a support net as you have found here, which is great, I am not judging you , but you must stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are a winner a fighter so get on with it.Life is hard you know that but why make it harder victimizing yourself stand up and shout to the four winds that you my friend are the real deal... A WINNER, you have been to hell and back, now you must adjust yourself to this life, how?by expressing what you feel here with us so we can help you get through another day until on your own you will do it and feel life run through your veins like a warm river in spring.

I do come here and lay my shit down. I didn't know if I was coming across as a 'victim', though. Interesting, though.

That's fine, though. I didn't mean to sound like a victim. I have been through so much in my life and the fact I am still around to 'whine about any given day' really is a testimony to my own enduring ability to rise up against all odds.Thanks, I loved what you wrote, how you wrote it and how it affected me-in such a positive manner.

Hey Lady!I was just thinking to myself..why can't I feel the way I did when I was on sub/DOC? Well I KNOW the answer to that..I will never feel that way again..is it good? yes and no.Yes bc I won't have the burden of seeking or chasing that high day after day.and killing myseld slowly..I have a chance at being "normal" but then again I want that energy back! It's not fair that I have to start my training(brain and body) like an inexperienced runner! BUT regular ppl do it all the time and suceed! WE CAN TOO!So what I'm saying is, I agree with maso, we have to move on..find NEW ways of feeling "right"..after all if you look back do you really wanna be like you used to be?? even a little? I don't..so with your help I will move on and try to be stronger and better everyday..YOU are helping me and you don't even know it! Maybe I can help you?

Just a though..have you started a walking program or light exercise yet? Even if it's 15 minutes of brisk walking I swear it will help!That said, I am off and running... only 6 today .. I will be thinking about you and hoping you feel better today..better everyday!HUGSrunnermom

hey runnermom,first of all, I responded to your post, and most of what I am going to add here is on that reply.I DO NOT WANT what I had when I was using-not at all. I hated all the running around, lying and everything else which goes with using. I am happy I am on the road to sobriety.I also know my journey will be a long one, which I have accepted, because I have gone up to a high dose of the sub.I really didn't realize my postings sounded like I was a victim. I feel anything but. I've been though so much, like the rest of us, I am amazed sometimes I am still alive!I come here and drop my stinking thinking, period. I feel better when I get it out of my head and on to paper. Even better when the likes of you and maso who offer up such caring responses!

But, yes, I do feel like a kid, some days, when I don't get what I want. That's the truth! Am I proud? Heck, no! But if letting off the stinking thinking here is going to help me (and in some ways others, too), then I will continue to do so.That's what is so special about forums like this and the 12-step programs. Often, we find we're not alone in our insanity!

I am, as you say, doing the best I can and will continue to do so, moving on, day by day.

hey allthanks for answering my post and thanks for reading my response to you. At least we are all in a similar boat..eh? I agree that sometomes writing things down helps get them out of your head... I would be so alome if not for you all... hubby is not supportive at all..still has his own stash(most of which he took from me when I confessed, sub included) and I KNOW he is using lortab, who knows what he wants with the sub... when I question him, he says " I am not an addict you are"..UHG ! or he braggs about how he quit smoking and is X amt of days clean! like it's the same thing? am I wrong to want some support from the person I live with?? or will he just never "get it?" He doesn't even run with me anymore bc I can't go as far. I have had a depressed day and I hate it bc I am not a depressed person, never was. Just feeling sorry for myself I suppose. Thanks to all who sent positive thoughts put there..needed that... HUGSrunnermom

dear lady,what an excellent post and excellent answers/posts from maso and runner!!THIS question/post has done some tremendous work for all of us! It is a reminder of where we were/are and where we are going. (maso)I cannot think of a better site to be on than here with so many wonderful people that are supportive, honest, forthright, and caring!

I truly do love my DC family!

My very best to you ALL and a wish for an even more beautiful wonderful day and weekend!~Jillynnie