Over a decade

Its been over a decade. Over 10 years. I'm not sure when that happened, it seems like so recently that it was happening. I am still in fight or flight mode. I still am afraid of people. Yet its been over 10 years. 10 years since the almost daily abuse of about 2 years ended. 10 years since I was regularly pushed face first into the dirt. 10 years since my younger sisters safety were threatened to keep my silence. 10 years since my wrist was broken, my rib was cracked, my collar bone busted . . . all happened at different times. 10 years since I was held down and cut and burned. 10 years since his name was carved into my back by a blade. 10 years.

8 years since I saw him last. 8 years since he tried once more. 8 years since he tried to claim me as his once more. 8 years since he ripped my shirt to admire his name he had carved into my back. 8 years since I got away.

7 years since I was held down at a party. 7 years since I kicked and screamed. 7 years since I was punched in the face. 7 years since I fought back. 7 years since I did the damage.

6 years since I awoke to a stranger. 6 years since I was drugged. 6 years since I tried to wake up more. 6 years since I laid helpless, to drugged to move much. 6 years since I wasn't sure what was happening. 6 years since I woke up in the morning partially stripped, bruised and terrified.

I am 23. I have forgotten what living is like, its been over a decade.

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through and how hard it is for you. That sounds like so much to have to think about and remember. Just know that you are very brave for talking about it and for getting through everything. you're not alone. I hope that you know none of it was your fault at all and you definatly didnt deserve any of it. Those people did very terrible things. no one should ever be hurt like that. I'm so sorry you have been hurt so much.