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Trashy Thursday is back, snitches! It’s been far too long since the dulcet tones of hoodboogers have populated this blog. But how exactly do we come back??

Now by the time we were blessed with this duo, Cash Money has been around for a while. But like a bat out of hell, Still Fly came through and stormed the charts gaining the duo MTV-Level fame with the catchy hook and hilarious subject matter. So let’s take a step back and just deep dive in the anthems.

This Is How We Do is perfect. Mannie Fresh truly was the best part of Cash Money. His productions are why so many of their jams were so catchy. This song has his fingerprints all over it. Baby might as well be a feature rapper in it.

Now Stun’n is actually their first single as a duo.

The sheer difference between the sound here between the first two songs we listened to is a clear example of late 90’s Dirty South rap and the early 2000’s rap that was played on the top 40 stations. It’s not just the money difference. It’s a range in style and polish. It’s in the griminess of Stun’n juxtaposed with the slickness and pleasant beats of This Is How We Do. But you can go to Complex to get a true historical point-of-view on rap and hip hop.

I.

FUCK.

THESE.

HOES.

AFTER.

OUR.

SHOOOOOOW!

Listen, I just had a pure dance break to this. Also, how many people punched themselves in the face getting their roll on? I was actually driving home to NC from Boston for my vacation when this song came on the radio. I, of course, started to jam and dance. Luckily, there was no damage to my car or the Chikfila drive-thru.

Let’s go back to an earlier jam.

EVERYTHING I TELL YOU! If you aren’t pursing your lips and shoulder bopping, you’re not listening to it correctly.

YES YES YES YES YES! The Cribs parody. The cornrows.

So this is my absolute favorite Big Tymers song of all time. OF ALL TIME!!! It just makes me smile so hard. The special effects!

Story Time! So young Trash actually attended a Big Tymers concert back in the day. It was pretty much the greatest thing to ever happen. During Oh Yeah!, there was a giant diamond set piece. During the breakdown, the top opened and what had to be 100 hoochies dressed in metallic swimwear poured out to dance around the stage for the next few songs. It was SO SO SO GOOD!!!! Y’all the early 2000’s were a glorious time. I only paid $5 for my ticket.

To close this out, turn your hymnals to Page 55, Bling Bling.

I know I left out some brilliant tracks. 10 Wayz and Fuck You are other favorites. What are yours? Share your favorite memories of Baby and Mannie Fresh.

Needless to say, the final weeks of 2014 were a bust in several ways. There were things to discuss, but nothing was positive and our drafts listing is filled with half-written posts. But it’s a new year and I’ve decided to dive back in as a manner of expressing myself again. So let’s talk.

What’s Yo (Relationship) Status at the Bank?Guess who happens to still be single in the most vivid way imaginable?

Over the course of the holidays, it was almost as if everything I did involved hanging with couples, listening to the drama between couples, or getting advice on how to end up in a couple. It was harsh to say the least.

Even worse, I realized that my type is still relatively elusive. While Class may try to act like my requirements for dating are obscure, they are actually not that bad. But the two requirements that are most important to me seem to be the hardest to find. Internally motivated and an interesting conversationalist seem to be rarities these days. Lacking in these areas render even the most superficially attractive specimen useless in my world.

But the largest obstacle standing in my way is my reluctance to put myself out there. For many years, it was fear of rejection that held me back. That I was too big or not attractive enough to be worth anyone’s attention. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that I’m okay looking. I’m relatively funny. I’ve got some things going for me. Also, I’m Important.

Seriously though, I’ve exhausted my desire to go out. I’m tired of checking apps and dating sites. I’m just in this place where I’d rather not be bothered. That attitude doesn’t fix the situation, but it is where I’m at these days. We’ll see what changes this year.

On BlacknessThis blog isn’t even a year old and we have a full archive on Race Issues.

But it seems 2014 was the year where racists just said “Fuck It” and went hard in the paint to make America miserable unsafe for Black people. I remember back when President Obama was elected, there was a mixed feeling of elation and fear. One of the biggest lessons I’d learned was that when white people feel a loss of perceived power, they lash out. No matter what. Whether it’s getting angry and upset with harsh words and attempts to ruin the victor’s credibility or attempting to utilize the one perceived slight as an example of how hard they have it, it is going to happen. The only other reaction I’ve ever seen is the defense “I’m not racist, I hate everyone. Racist comment, racist comment, racist comment.” That’s probably the worst of all.

But to keep myself from going full-on thesis, here’s Miles Jai:

Here’s Chescaleigh:

Here’s Tre Melvin:

I’m using these as examples because I’m trying to swallow this rage and keep it trucking. But the end result is that people are pissed at the injustice. And no one cares how much it inconveniences you. Our lives are at stake. Until there is real change, there will truly be no peace.

Pettiness and Heartbreaks: Celebrity Style

“Cut that Chinese Pussy Hair off my face. Lol”

When I tell you that Sass and I cackled for hours on end over the Lispy/Fanny Pack brief separation. But something about this douchey face and the Lol sent me over the moon.

Both of these people truly need to leave their lives off the internet, but for the first time in ages, I laughed at their antics instead of rolling my eyes. The involvement of Drake. Her tears of melancholy and faux-inspirational Instagrams from the Jhene Aiko playbook of songwriting. The phrase “Chinese Pussy Hair”. This is classic.

2014 also saw the breakup of Amber Rose & Wiz Latifah. I like Amber and Wiz is entertaining to look up so hopefully things will be good for their baby. However, this my friends:

Ugh, love this group so much. I wore my aunt’s cassette for “Of The Heart, Of the Soul, And of the Cross” out when I borrowed it back in middle/high school. They have an interesting way of speaking about life and love in a way that’s emotional and masculine if that makes sense. It’s melodic but it’s funky. It’s definitely a product of the early 90’s free-for-all music scene. I’ll leave the song’s interpretation up to you, but this song still takes me to a place of wondering who I am and what I’m doing.

Please Don’t Turn Me On – Artful Dodger

With my very public love of Craig David, I don’t think it is surprising that UK Garage music appeals to me. Artful Dodger did some production work on Craig’s first album too, but it wasn’t until much later that I took a dive into his singles. I love the softness of his production, the abundance of harmonies, and his ability to give songs a groove while downplaying the drumbeat. It’s all very lush, if that makes sense. This song makes me happy.

So the BET Awards happened last night! And you know what, it was an entertaining show! I mean I’m clearly going to shade your faves, but there clearly was some real effort and intent into the production and decisions. It showed and I’m honestly impressed. But let’s go through some of the moments and performances!

But let’s first pay tribute to this diva who clearly got her life from every pre-show performance. I was completely here for her. Show out diva!

The show opened with Pharrell performing Come Get It Bae. While I love Pharrell, his reticence leads to somewhat dull performances. Although I enjoyed him dropping it to the floor. But then he brought out MISSY ELLIOTT and things became so important. Listen, I’m going to address Nicki Minaj later but Missy Elliott is part of the reason that Nicki falls flat because she’s such a fun and engaging artist with a catalog of HITS! She’s flawless and immediately brought energy into Pharrell’s show. Fantastic.

Chris Rock hosted the show and did a fantastic job. Full stop. His opening monologue and bits during the show were funny, if a bit forced. I loved the bit of him at the Monster Truck Rally and the play on Ellen’s pizza with Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. While it was no Mo’nique slaying Beyoncé’s choreography, it was a lively show in part thanks to him. Although, poor Rick Ross took the brunt of his jokes. Oh well!

Nick Cannon continued his pursuit to become the lamest man on the planet. Showing up with leather pants, a pick, and a thirsty afro, he appeared to make Zendaya uncomfortable.

John Legend then performed, singing beautifully and glowing because that’s just what he does. But then, tragedy.

If you recall, this is how Class & I both feel about Jhene’s supposed vocal talents. She strutted out there swaying and bopping while missing all 6 notes of that “The Worst” song. Like I just don’t understand why she’s so bad live. And this is coming from someone who enjoys Cassie! She’s seriously so blah and seeing people go up for her irritates me. She was up there struggling and failing to impress the judges when John Legend jumped in to sing with her and scalped her in TWO lines. TWO. He didn’t even break a sweat. Goodbye girl.

Chris Brown performed Loyal and I just can’t be bothered. I can’t remember if I mentioned it in my post, but he seriously comes across as dead. The dance moves seemed lazy and he came out in red plaid which would be a theme for the night. But his voice isn’t where it used to be and Loyal, while catchy, just isn’t a song that I’m ever going to see it for without several cocktails and a dance floor. However, this tweet (Retweeted from MissJia took me out of the game)

But then, Usher came out to remind us that he has hits on hits on hits. Although, that curious coon skin cap was not the business. Seriously, the Confessions album by itself could have been a 20-minute performance. We could have cut freaking Jhene for more Usher. And just when I thought the performance couldn’t be more fun…

Listen. This young diva hopped on stage with her boots and proceeded to herk and jerk about to my endless delight. Love her.

Jennifer Hudson performed a song and I seriously always feel a little bad for her. She can sing and she has style but her song choices either feel tedious or forced. She was in a leather mini-dress that was not flattering and seemed to be going for Studio 54 meets Patti Labelle and it just didn’t work. But she didn’t bring out David BaeIntosh in sheer panty-drawls. So a win is a win.

Okay, let’s talk about Nicki Minaj. She came out to perform that “Pills & Potions” song with an Alice In Wonderland set. The performance, like the song, was mediocre. I say this, knowing that I actually don’t really mind her these days. Her make-under is truly one of the best image reinventions in recent memory. That plus Lookin Ass had me thinking that perhaps we could co-exist. But I do feel like while Nicki has the ability to be a dope lyricist and certainly has some creativity, her performance come across very middle school play. There’s a lack of polish in her “art” that makes it childish and less impressive when compared to her contemporaries.

Think back to her Catholic mess at the Grammy’s. She felt like that was going to be shocking and say something, but really it was just off-putting and uninteresting. With the childish set and the fact that Pills and Potions just isn’t an interesting summer song, it was blah and made her later comments seem even more petty.

It’s why her Beez In The Trap performance from 2012 was so good. Taking out all of the “art” forced her to rely on her rhymes and presence and the performance was better because of it. Also, this.

We’ll come back to Nicki coming for Iggy later.

Okay, next August Alasia, Trey Songz, and Chris Brown came out to make the young ladies and gays of the world moist. Asian Sensation, who you may remember from our NFL Draft post, loves her some August. I don’t particularly mind him, but he’s so fun to laugh at. With that said, his performance was fine. He may have a limited vocal range, but he works what he has well. He reminds me of a Lyfe Jennings, but for those who didn’t live through dial-up internet. It’s also further proof that Trey Songz, fine as he is, sounds like shit live. Chris still sounds like he’d rather be having a root canal.

We then got Trey Songz performing Na Na and yeah, the performance is better watched on mute. OOOH, but do you remember when he sang for Prince????

Prince’s pursed lips of judgement will continue to get us all through the day.

We then got to the Lionel Richie’s tribute. Or should I say Ritchie? Really, BET?? I just can’t with you.

But John Legend, Ledisi, and Yolanda Adams did a bang up job. Especially Yolanda who brought the house down. Lionel then gave an airy fairy speech before blessing us with All Night Long which by FAR my favorite solo song of his. (Zoom by the Commodores being my all-time favorite.)

AYYYYYYYYYYYE JAMBO JAMBO!

So T.I. and Iggy Brazilia performed “No Mediocre” which led to Iggy’s Fancy. T.I. has perfect teeth and wore a parka. Iggy mumble rapped her way though and sat on a lawn chair. It was fine for what it was. But let’s talk Iggy. She is the target of a lot of hatred a la Macklemore, for adopting a “blaccent” for her raps and some racist tweets earlier in her career. Essentially, the running commentary is that she is a parody of hip hop who has been elevated because of her skin color. I get not liking her because her catalog is mostly mediocre and the tweets, but her adopting a rap persona doesn’t phase me at all. L’il Kim’s nor Foxy Brown’s natural voices were nearly as gruff as their songs. And whether you like it or not, Fancy is one of the songs of the summer. It’s catchy, it’s fun to sing/rap along to, and Iggy sells it. The execution of her Clueless-inspired video is killer.

But back to Nicki coming for Iggy’s writing credits and authenticity. Girl. Good. Bye. I don’t say that because I’m some huge Iggy fan or anything. But to come for someone who is having career success when you’ve just beaten her for an award is petty. It doesn’t make you look good. It doesn’t speak well for your belief in YOUR career. And to have Nicki Minaj come for anyone on the grounds of authenticity when she has run around for a good 5 years wearing multi-colored quick weaves, speaking in tragic accents, and calling herself a Barbie just reeks of a lack of self-awareness. Writing all of those lyrics gave us Stupid Hoe and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. So good for you?

The night became more flawless with a male R&B group reunion of sorts featuring Troop, Color Me Badd, and Silk!

Listen. I screamed. I just wasn’t ready. This was a huge win. Of course, this led to me wanting a bunch of other groups for it. All-4-One, Tony Toni Toné, Shai, Blackstreet, Jodeci… I would have died.

A tribute to Ruby Dee and Maya Angelou orated by Phylicia Rashad was stunning and well done. This is what I meant when I said that the awards did a much better job of paying real tribute to real people in a respectful way. Medger Ever’s widow delivered a beautiful speech as well.

The show closed with a YouTube of Beyoncé & Jay-Z performing Partition at their tour. This isn’t the first time they’ve done this and the disappointment of so many fans was hilarious. I didn’t pay a ton of attention because I’m seeing them in 2 weeks.

So although it’s Trashy Thursday, I thought today that I’d hold off on the jams and talk about something that’s been bothering me for a bit.

Normally, you’d see a Chris Brown picture here but you know I don’t really want to go through the efforts of uploading any pictures of him. Understand? I know you do.

Recently, Chris Brown’s jail stay was extended based on a violation of his parole. All while his song Loyal has cracked the top 10 on Billboard’s charts and his collaboration with Kid Ink is also in the top 40 as well. Despite the album push backs, none of this has affected his sales and record success. But to be honest, his success post the incident has always felt a little wrong. I’m going to try and work out why it bothers me so much.

So let’s flashback to 2009. Now, I will go on record saying that I remember asking what the hell happened to cause the whole situation. I remember saying that Chris Brown is terrible and thinking that Rihanna had to have done something for the violence to go that far. I regret that I may have blamed her or insinuated that she deserved it.

However, my issue with Lispy is not that actual attack even though it was terrible. It really boils down to the three issues.

1) He Keeps Fucking Up

Now far be it from me to try and psychoanalyze someone far richer and far more famous than me. But let’s keep it real. Chris Brown keep getting himself into situations where the police seem to show up. The DC situation, the window at Good Morning America, the valet situation, and the fight with Drake with the bottles… you know just to name a few. It might be different if there was only one or two instances, but I didn’t even give you a comprehensive list.

When you’re attempting to change your image and prove that you’re not a bad guy, you would think that you would ALWAYS let your bodyguard handle things. If you feel yourself getting angry, remove yourself from the situation. It’s not that he doesn’t have a right to get angry, but part of being a celebrity is working on your image. His continued fuckery seriously hampers my ability to give him another shot.

Take an example. I’m a celebrity with about 3 DUIs. Do I

a) Drive myself everywhere knowing I’m hitting the club? or

b) Hire a personal driver?

I would think the answer is clear.

2) These Songs…

One of the biggest defenses that I’ve seen mounted is that we should ignore his personal life and just focus on the music. So let’s just talk about a few Lispy songs.

(Spotify pays artists the least, so there’s that.)

Loyal has a catchy beat and in the cluh, you probably can catch me doing a cute two-step to it. But the thing about this song is that it’s a song for men who hate women and want to impress their friends. He’s insulting the very women who he’s taking home for not being loyal to their regular menfolk because a star is hitting on them.

Like I’m spending my money and time on this lady in the club because I’m interested in her, but she’s not loyal so watch out!

And the thing about it is that now you basic ass, trifling ass dudes think that this somehow applies to your life. That’s what is dangerous about these songs. There are people who don’t see this song for what it is, think that they can mistreat women because they aren’t “loyal.” It perpetuates the inherit distrust and hatred of women that allows people to treat them like objects instead of human beings.

Girl, fuck you. Like fuck you for this song.

Now generally, I think I that offenses committed prior to meeting a person should be out of scope in relationship decisions barring things that break the law or are genuinely gross. But this song is not an earnest plea in order to save a relationship. It’s not a genuine display of emotion.

This song is, simply put, a transparent grab at telling people to just forget about all of the things he’s done and continues to do. Don’t pay attention to my fuck-ass video proclaiming my love for both Rihanna and Karrueche. Nope, that parking lot scuffle with Frank Ocean does not exist!

Like I said in the first point, Lispy keeps fucking up. These aren’t isolated instances. These aren’t situations where he’s been pushed beyond a reasonable limit. So yes I’m going to judge you and I’m going to continue to hate this song.

Even beyond the message, the beat is plodding, his vocals are probably the weakest I’ve heard them, and the lyrics are treacly at best. Bye ashy.

3) He Has Real Issues

Now it’s come out that Chris has bipolar disorder and experienced sex at a super early age (8 years old). This is actually legitimately sad and underneath all of his bravado and antics, you can tell that there’s something brewing. No one just ups and gets kicked out of a rehab facility. These are not things that should be taken lightly. And I’m more than sure he’s on a hell of a lot of drugs.

However, he is not going to get the treatment he needs nor is he going to take these diagnoses seriously if there is no real punishment or time allowed to reflect on his past and where he wants to go. Celebrities tend to develop a sense of invincibility because of the constant adulation they receive, but those who crave being an alpha male tend to jump head first into maintaining that feeling. You combine this with the old school definition of being a “man” and you have someone who is blind to any criticism, regardless of how well meaning it may be.

By having continued success and greater acclaim during this time of turmoil, it appears that Chris’s ego has only grown and in a negative way. He’s finding chart success with songs that are good for young people’s psyches. He’s deflecting all punishment and critique instead of realizing where his actions have landed him.

While I can’t attribute all of his problems to his fame and success, I do think that they are playing a huge role in him growing up and making better choices. So to me, his success only exacerbates the problems that he faces.

I just miss fresh face Chris who did Doublemint commercials and sang Yo! I mean everyone has to grow up and we all face things that shape us as adults, but there’s a darkness to him that I always see even when he’s Harlem shaking and booty quaking in his videos. I’ve joked that he looks like he would eat your baby these days. But seriously, do a Google search. Homey looks cracked out. He has to get the help he needs if he’s going to prosper and be great.

I don’t know, maybe I’m reading too deep into it. What do you all think? Are you on Team Breezy and think the media is out to get him? Or is he an egomaniac with mediocre songs that can’t get his shit together? Let me know in the comments and we’ll chat about it.