This Week In The Laboratories Of Democracy

Welcome back to our weekly survey of what's goin' down in the several states where, as we know, the real work of governmentin' gets done and where the fool's gold mouthpiece, the hollow horn, plays wasted words.

Let's begin in Rhode Island, where a state senator gave the full Cheney to a local Alex Jones acolyte to the roaring cheers of the entire nation. The video is fairly priceless.

"After watching him antagonize an elderly veteran he swung his camera my way, which produced a very human and guttural reaction. I respect both the Second Amendment and the First Amendment. It is important to note that the individual in question was physically removed from a committee room by the Capitol Police later that evening. "Regardless of the emotions and atmosphere of the moment, it does not justify the language I used that day. Out of respect for the decorum of the State House and the constituents I represent, I offer my apologies."

Respect for the "decorum" of the Rhode Island State House, where, just last week, the FBI raided the Speaker Of The House's offices, as well as his home? I didn't know Senator Miller did topical humor, too, as well as working blue.

Let's move on to Tennessee for our next little bit of video madness. A local mosque is seeking permission to build a cemetery nearby. This has inflamed the easily flammable.

Mosque cemetery opponents also clashed with Channel 4 reporter Larry Flowers in the crowded hallway when he tried to shoot video just outside Corlew's courtroom. As mosque opponent Lou Ann Zelenik challenged Flowers, saying "Who are you?" he responded, "I don't have a dog in this hunt," and "You know who I am." Flowers, who said he has interviewed Zelenik numerous times, contended that one of the mosque opponents tried to grab his camera when they emerged from the courtroom. Judicial Building security deputies were called to the third floor to keep order, and ICM attorney John Green told his client's members to turn away from the mosque foes. Still, mosque members and opponents accused each other of lying, and later Zelenik questioned the motives of a young Muslim woman who said she was a journalist shooting video for an assignment at the University of Maryland.

There's never a Josh Miller around when you need one.

We move along to Wisconsin where a local county board candidate in that part of the state that we used to call "up around Green Bay somewhere" decided to be a jackass toward his opponent, believing that to be the way to get elected. Only in Tennessee, pal.

"I just think that this thing is being blown way out of proportion," Jason Wisneski told Action 2 News. The liberal blog "Blogging Blue" posted a screenshot that appears to be from Wisneski's Facebook account saying, "It's funny how they never bring up Dave Hansen murdering his grandchild though. That was an accident too, but when you (sic) a rich, liberal and well connected you can cover that up." Wisneski says he was upset when he wrote those words, and he says they were taken out of context.

Blown out of proportion? Check. Taken out of context? Check. Wisneski is knocking on every door here on Bullshit Alibi Drive. Turns out he's had some practice.

The comments Wisneski is accused of posting were in response to a Green Bay Press-Gazette article that detailed Wisneski's 2008 plea to a charge of animal mistreatment. The article says he pleaded no contest to the charge and was sentenced to 3 days in jail after his cat suffered broken legs. Wisneski told the paper he did not abuse the cat and that he should have fought the charge. Wisneski says the part of his comment about Dave Hansen was actually aimed at the media. He says he was addressing what he believes to be unfair campaign coverage of his misdemeanor conviction involving his pet cat ... in comparison with the coverage of sitting state Senator Dave Hansen's granddaughter's accidental death.

Oops. Forgot one. Media bias? Check.

Let's leave the convicted cat-cripplers of northern Wisconsin now and move along to Florida, where a Daytona Beach city commissioner -- And what is it with commissioners these days? Was there a convention where they all got free samples of oeyote buttons to bring home? -- was just looking for a good time, and what's wrong with that, anyway?

"The allegation was that sex was demanded in exchange for lighter policing (of Club Topic)," Chitwood said Friday evening. Lentz, 38, who was elected to the City Commission in 2012, arrived at Club Topic at 400 E. International Speedway Blvd. about 11:30 p.m. Thursday and had two beers and a shot of liquor, said William Bittorf, whose father owns the club. Bittorf said after Lentz drank the shot, he became irate and began harassing two female servers. He focused on one of the women and wanted to have sex with her, but she refused, Bittorf told a Daytona Beach police officer who responded to his 9-1-1 call. "He threw a drink on her," Bittorf told the police officer, who recorded the discussion on her body video camera. "The girl ran behind the bar to get away from him. He tried to go behind the bar and I stood in his way ... I know Carl. He said he was going to call the chief and have us shut down."

Carl gets shut down and everyone gets shut down. It's the code of the desert. Oh, and Carl? The security cameras are always on, dude.

We do not associate with such riff-raff so we flee to Illinois, where a threat to the constitutional liberties was launched through a middle-school workbook andthere is now heck to pay.

The concerns are based on a picture posted by a Grant parent on the "Illinois Gun Owners Rights" Facebook page about a workbook his child brought home. The posting was picked up by a number of websites and shared thousands of times online. The workbook, according to the picture posted, provides the following description of the Second Amendment: "This amendment states that people have the right to certain weapons, providing that they register them and have not been in prison. The founding fathers included the amendment to prevent the United States from acting like the British who had tried to take weapons away from the colonists."

OK, so it's not entirely accurate in that it seems to conflate Illinois state law with the Almighty Second but, Jesus, the Second Amendment is one of the most poorly written sentences in the history of the language. Kids should learn how to write more gooder than that.

Across the great, wide prairies we go to where-the-fk-else? Kansas, where the hayshaking fetus-fondlers are still having a merry old time finding new waysto be monomaniacal, although life is full of disappointment, too.

The next day the committee attached an amendment brought by Sen. Mary Pilcher-Cook, R-Shawnee, that extended the bill's reach to pregnancies at any stage and added mandatory reporting requirements for miscarriages that occur at medical facilities or for the physician who sees a woman immediately following a miscarriage. Pilcher-Cook said she used Doll's bill because it dealt with the same state statutes, but she made sure the amendment didn't alter the intent of his proposal. "I was very, very careful to make sure that it didn't change anything regarding what he was doing for his constituent," Pilcher-Cook said. "All of that is the same." Doll said he feared the amendment would cause the political debate he was hoping to avoid. "The guy who brought me this bill who had gone through this, he's about as apolitical as you could get," Doll said. "We just wanted something to give closure to these people without making a political statement one way or the other."

Fat chance of that, laddybucks. When did you first become aware that you live in where-the-fk-else? Kansas, anyway?

And north we go, to Alaska, where the fight over the ladyparts not belonging to any of the Palins got a little weird.

This week, in an interview with the Anchorage Daily News, he described the ways he plans to clamp down on the problem, including spending "a lot of money" on media campaigns and providing publicly funded pregnancy tests in Alaska's bars and restaurants, so that women will be discouraged from shooting whiskey if they find out they're pregnant. But make no mistake: Kelly is not interested in providing state-funded birth control in public places. He says that "birth control is for people who don't necessarily want to act responsibly" and that would amount to "social engineering."

Has he checked with Commissioner Lentz down in Daytona Beach?

The interviewer asked Kelly whether he would also support offering state-funded birth control in bars. Alaska does not accept federal money from the government's Medicaid expansion, which would fund contraception, and state Sen. Fred Dyson (R-Eagle River) recently spoke out against it, declaring that if people can afford lattes, they can afford birth control.

Apparently, Senator Kelly is the moderate in the discussion.

And we conclude, as we always do, in Oklahoma, where Blog Official Gravel Quality Control Officer Friedman of the Plains brings us the tale of an Oklahoma pastor who got smacked in the face withthe law of unintended consequences.

In an appearance on the Christian Internet broadcast Generals
International, Church on the Rock Pastor John Benefiel recalled how he
had used a "divorce decree" to severe Baal's hold on drought-stricken
states like Texas and Oklahoma. "There was no rain in sight, no rain forecast at all," he said. "But
literally the day after we first used this Baal divorce decree in 2007 -
we declared it in a meeting together - the rains came. And we ended up
having more rain between February and June of 2007 than any other 12
month period in history."Benefiel said that the ceremony was repeated in Texas, Kansas and Missouri. "And at one point and every lake of Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and
Missouri were at or above flood stage," the pastor noted. "And that's
what Chuck [Pierce] had prophecized, that when you see this happen,
those are areas targeted for a Holy Spirit invasion."

Wait a minute. That's what who prophecized? You overclub yourself on an exorcism, don't go blaming me. Yeesh.

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