Split Screen: Things that gamers never say

Even so, I do occasionally get the impression that the companies that make our games and hardware have some very weird ideas about gamers: how we think, what we want, and how we like to spend our money.

For their reference, here is a list of things that gamers never, ever say. Obviously this is not an exhaustive list, so please add your own in the comments below.

"Wow, that cinematic sequence before the boss fight is fantastic! I hope that every time the boss kills me and I have to reload, I get to watch it all over again!"

"Argh! This text is too confusing popping up all in one big block. I wish it appeared on the screen slowly, letter by letter, like an old typewriter. Oooh, a repetitive sound effect would make that even better!"

"Damn it, these checkpoints are just too close together!"

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"There's really no need to hire professional voice actors to record the dialogue in these games; I love the idiosyncratic quality of the vocal performances given by the studio's janitorial staff."

"This smoothly-rising difficulty is so dull. What I really yearn for is a game that's a breeze one moment and insanely difficult the next."

"Hmmm, it's pretty good, but what this game really needs is Kinect support."