Sunday, March 27, 2016

Saturday evening I
officiated Jaclyn and Norman’s wedding ceremony
at Marché Bonsecours, in Montreal,
Quebec. Here are the remarks I
shared with them and their guests:

Jaclyn and Norm have a very
special love story. It begins with a mixture of innocence and what Norm calls
"cheekiness". Listen to the how Norm tells it. It starts right
outside his apartment. Coming from a family with a family business, you would
probably not be surprised that he felt right at home living "above the
store", or at least A store:

"The store and my
apartment shared a common entrance and it was in that little corridor where I
met my future wife. I was jiggling with my keys to get in and this cute girl
popped out of the store to greet me. She was wondering what I was doing (not
knowing I lived upstairs). When I told her that I was simply going home she
asked me if she could run up and see my apartment and instructed me to watch
the store – I loved this cheekiness right away."

So, why do I say cheekiness AND
innocence? Well, because neither of these two were looking for a mate. They
really were just going kind of minding their own business, until this
encounter. Listen to Jaclyn's complementary description of their chance
meeting, and you'll see what I mean:

"When Norm came into my
life it was completely unexpected. There must be some truth in the saying ‘Love
happens when you least expect it.' I was not looking for anyone or anything in
particular. It was just any other day and I was alone working at a boutique...
(Parenthetically, I find it interesting that the one with the non-French name
called it a boutique...) It was a Sunday (in the) late afternoon and I was just
about to close..." Really innocent, so far, right? Well, the cheekiness is
about to come back: "I was not expecting a very tall and handsome young
man to walk up to the store. He couldn’t possibly be shopping for costume
jewelry. I popped out the door and asked him what he was up to. When he
answered that he was on his way up to his apartment I was intrigued because I
had no idea that someone was living up there, yet alone that ‘someone’ happened
to be a young and charming guy."

This was the beginning of a
deep love connection. What do I mean by deep? Well, two things. Listen to Norm
describe what might be referred to as the "essence" of his bride:
"What I love about Jaclyn is her genuine kindness. She is a wonderful
person with a massive heart and she seeks to make those around her happy."
And Jaclyn tells us about Norm and how he makes her feel, "I am completely
myself when we are together and he understands me more than anyone has. He is
also the ultimate life partner- he is patient, supportive, interested,
affectionate and always so positive."

The second reason for why I
say deep, is that marriage is sometimes somewhat of a gamble, or at least an
educated guess. What do I mean by that? Well, typically, a young couple has not
had to deal with too much in their lives. So, essentially they bet on the fact
that not only will they be able to celebrate in the good times, but also
weather the bad times together. That is why the traditional vows say, "in
good times and in bad."

Well, no educated guesses
needed with these two... Norm recounts the realization they came to together,
"[In] that extremely difficult time, we realized how much we could count
on each other for support and strength. Moreover, we realized that we could
likely get through anything life would eventually throw at us as a team."

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Wednesday evening, I
officiated Jenna and Mike’s vow renewal ceremony at the Hyatt Place
Dallas/Garland/Richardson, in Garland,
Texas. Here are the remarks I
shared with them and their guests:

There is not much in the research
literature about vow renewals. Though the eternal source of all great wisdom,
Wikipedia, contends that this custom has some roots in Italy, it
admits that this is a largely modern and largely American phenomenon, not that
there is anything wrong with that.

Interestingly, though, the
Hebrew Bible actually tells a fascinating story, which can be understood
through this modern ritual, that Jenna and Mike celebrate today. In the final
chapter of the Book of Joshua, this mythical successor of Moses gathers all of
the people. He reviews their history, from the days of Abraham, through the
slavery and exodus from Egypt,
to the battles he himself led to settle the Land of Israel.

Then Joshua says, “Now,
therefore, revere the Lord, and serve him with undivided loyalty… Or, if you
are loath to… serve the Lord, choose (who)… you are going to serve…” So,
despite their long history together, despite their ongoing relationship, Joshua
says that they must make a covenant with God. Here is what they answer, “Far be
it from us to forsake the Lord… He is our God… We will serve none, but the
Lord.” And then scripture tells us, “On that day… Joshua made a covenant for
the people.” Now, if you know the Bible story up until that point, this might
seem a little odd. What on earth is Joshua doing here? Hadn’t the people
already made a covenant with God, at the time of Moses? Why this seemingly
superfluous repetition?

However, if we think about
the marital relationship, and many scriptures allude to the relationship of the
God of Israel and his people, as analogous to a marital relationship, it makes
total sense. You see, not to rain on any romantic party, but let’s face it, at
best, committing to someone in marriage is an educated guess. Why do I say
that? Well, because the “I” of today is not the “I” of ten years from now, and
the “You” of today are not the “You” of ten years from now. So, when we marry,
not just for today, but for tomorrow, the day after, ten years later, and
hopefully many more, what are we saying? We are saying that we know each other
well enough, and that our love is strong enough, that we know that the “We” of
tomorrow, will be as committed and as in love as the “We” of today.

Now, again, fairy tales are
lovely, but if you know anything about marriage, especially one with four great
kids, all under the age of ten, that fairy tale can be hard work! And so, the
fact that the “We” of yesterday committed to each other, carries heavy weight,
but it is not enough. Consciously and unconsciously, you must make an
affirmative decision, like Jenna and Mike do, to keep investing in that
wonderful endeavor we call marriage and family. And, if you know Jenna and
Mike, you see that love and determination, with which they make that
affirmative decision, not just today, but every day.

Don’t take my word for it.
Listen to what they wrote about their love story, “We are honestly like two
peas in an odd pod. We are almost complete opposites on almost every topic.
However on all the important things we are exactly on the same page. We choose
to stay married because we have a strong sense of family and love. We both love
each other for our flaws and for our greatness. We build each other up
everyday.”

Through what Jenna and Mike
do today, we gain understanding of Joshua’s actions too. Joshua recognizes that
the historical covenant is important, but not sufficient. He, therefore,
calls the people, not to make a covenant, but to renew their
covenant with their heritage and with their historical traditions; traditions
which Jenna and Mike embrace in their lives, and embrace in today’s ceremony
too.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

One of the interesting facts
about life in America
is that when we meet someone new, one of the first questions (if not the very
first) we usually ask is, "What do you do for a living?" In some
societies this would be considered rude. And, in the forties, fifties and
sixties, men would usually ask each other, "Where did you serve?"
Having grown up in Israel,
the latter question is the same we would ask meeting someone new.

The fact that we, as a
society, are conditioned to accept that the first thing we might ask someone is
what their profession is, should trouble us just a little. Obviously, work is
important. Most of us spend much of our time at our workplaces. Hopefully, if
we are lucky, we have found not just a money making opportunity, but a meaning
making opportunity. Still, we should not take ourselves and our jobs so
seriously.

Now, no one can say Kelly
and Joey are pikers in the professional arena. They have each ascended to what
is number two on the Jewish Mother MVP (most valuable profession) list.
Luckily, though, they have not let this get to their heads.

In fact, one of the
refreshing things about Joey is that in defining himself, very
straightforwardly he will tell you, "I never really took myself too
seriously..." And Kelly, when I asked her, as I ask every person I
officiate for, to write about herself, she did something telling too. She wrote
her essay in the third person. To me that indicates, that she is able to do
what all of us should, but not all of us can: She can step away from her own
vantage point, and view herself and her world objectively.

What do they value? Well,
they value what matters most to them, family and friendships. After all, Joey works
for the family firm. And Kelly (in the third person) says, "Kelly is a
'Mama’s Girl.' Since moving to Jacksonville,
she speaks with her mom at least 6 times throughout the day, and is not ashamed
to admit it! ... Throughout her entire life, Kelly has managed to create
meaningful and lasting friendships that go back to kindergarten. Since her
fabulous family is quite small, she considers all of her friends an extension
of her family and is very fortunate for that." Wow. How cool is that?

And the focal point of their
lives is their love for each other. Joey, as a lawyer, does list bullet points
to this effect. By the way, if you know Kelly and Joey, hearing this list, you
will know she could and would write more or less the same:

"Why I want to spend
the rest of my life with Kelly:

(1) She's beautiful - inside
and out

(2) She's funny

(3) She's caring

(4) She's smart

(5) I never get sick of her
(that may be damning with feint praise, but still, and finally:)

(6) I love her

I could go on all day with
this list, so let's just consider it non-exhaustive.”