Helping people recover from addiction,
leading to radical life transformation.

Monday, August 12, 2013

FACING THE FACTS - from WHEN LOST MEN COME HOME, not for men only

Facing the
Facts

My
first encounter with real humility came when I recognized and admitted my
addictions. And I grew in humility as I worked to see myself more honestly when
doing my personal inventory. The work I did made it possible for me to humbly
‘own’ the facts about myself. When I have the real facts about my choices and
my life, and see them realistically with clarity, I am less inclined to
rationalize my destructive actions, minimize my difficulties or ignore the pain
others have suffered because of my character defects. When I know the facts of
my life, I know my own limitations and can accept my own needs and
shortcomings.

You and I, as humans, are not
all-powerful. We do not control ourselves all of the time, nor do we control
other people any of the time. Humility helps us to see these facts, giving us
the eyes through which we will see God change who we are, the way we think, the
way we handle our emotions and the way we act. As we are changed on the inside,
our lives change on the outside.

So, I have learned to think of my
improving character development as a responsibility and a gift at the same time.
The growth and maturity I experience is a gift God gives to me as I responsibly
admit and correct my character defects in the most honest way I can. When I
notice my character defects expressed in my thoughts and actions, I choose to
change my thinking and my actions as well. My character defects lose some of their
power when I do this. Every time I say no to them, the grip they’ve habitually
had on me loosens a bit. Nothing is so helpful to healing addictions and
changing character defects than to stop doing the addiction and change the way
we live our lives day-to-day. Great empowerment comes from God when we
live in obedience.

As
we work and make progress in our recovery, our priorities and the things that
concern us will become re-oriented. We will discover a humility that desires
obedience more than blessing and character growth more than comfort — all so
that we may help and not hinder the work of God. The greatest blessing for any sex
addict is to live free from addiction, fully aligned with the will of a loving
God. Even before we asked, we received from God everything we ever
needed. He satisfies our heart! God is always one-step ahead of us!

Humble
yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,
casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

I Peter 5:6-7 NLT

A great turning
point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really
wanted, rather than as something we must have. It marked the time when we could
commence to see the full implication of Step Seven.

Alcoholics
Anonymous, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions pg
75

I can’t count how many times — usually
motivated by guilt and religiosity — I would ask God for patience, only to get
angry with myself if patience didn’t show up when I wanted it to. This obviously
proved I wasn’t really interested in being more patient. I think what I really
wanted was to feel relief from the tension and other uncomfortable feelings I
was experiencing at the time. With what I now know, I find it much more helpful to me to simply admit to God and to someone
else the fact that that I struggle with being an impatient person. I tell
them, sincerely, I want to change, to think, and to act differently, in a more
patient way, as I move forward in life. Seeing myself honestly and sharing what
I see is humility for me. This builds a willingness to ask others for direction
and a humility with which to follow the direction I receive.

Saying, “Dear God, I want to be more
patient” sounds good, but we may miss the subtle demand we are making, holding
God responsible for our character defects and problems. But by saying “Dear
God, I am an impatient person and I want to change,” we offer up the truth
about ourselves and we accept responsibility for being impatient. Humbly
asking is asking for change internally, with no demand for changes to the
current conditions or external circumstances.Changes in our circumstances are
optional; changes in our character are necessary. We become the changes
we desire. The ultimate purpose of all prayer is to get hold of God, and to do
so, we let go of our pride, inviting God to act according to His purpose in our
lives.God will be our strength. He will empower us to do what we are
responsible to do.

My Creator, I am
now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now
remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my
usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to
do your bidding.Amen

7th
Step Prayer, The Big Book of
Alcoholics Anonymous

Character defects cultivate and
facilitate our addictions. They reduce us to shame-filled, fearful little children.
When we face and admit the failures we most want to hide from others, we
discover God has been waiting for us patiently, ready to make a life-transforming
connection with us. Moving to become His in this way, we get hold of a life and
goodness that was impossible before. We let go of the personality characteristics
which have held us back for so long, so nothing will keep us from “knowing the measure and stature of Christ.”
Though previously we were ruled by lusts, addictions, and other people, we are
becoming the kind of people who admit our character defects and, in doing so, we
more fully receive the transforming spirit of Christ. In humility, we become
good and powerful men.

God’s kingdom is
like a treasure hidden in a field for years and then accidentally found by a
trespasser. The finder is ecstatic – what a find! – and proceeds to sell
everything he owns to raise money and buy that field.

Matthew 13:44 MSG

Our relationship with God and our
spiritual growth must always come first, being more important than career,
hobbies, church, even our friends and family. This is because without recovery,
nothing else matters very much because nothing else will survive our
addictions. Anything good stays good only as we couple our humble heart with
God’s love and care. Without Him, nothing is worth having.

So in terms of
what every man needs most crucially, all man’s power is powerless because at
its roots, of course, the deepest longing of the human soul is the longing for
God, and this no man
has the power to satisfy.

Frederick
Buechner, The Magnificent Defeat pg 33

﻿

This is an excerpt from WHEN LOST MEN COME HOME, not for men only ~ Copyright David Zailer, 2011