Columnist, Sheila
Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life or anything else that she finds amusing.

She is
seen weekly in the Daily News of Kingsport. She has written
for Griffin Journal,Oakridge Now,Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
Columnists, the
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Southern
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.

To carry her weekly column in your
newspaper, or
to republish an
article, please contact her. It's that easy.

I Hate Football!

Yes, that was me at the Titansí opening game last
week. So what? That does not mean that I do not hate football. It is
just that I had not done much of anything for a long time and I really
needed to get out.

We got there early to find parking, but still had to
walk for miles to get to the stadium. We were looking for a place nearby
to eat breakfast, but couldnít find one. I was starving. No wonder I
hate football!

Okay, so I ended up eating popcorn for breakfast. So
what? You eat corn flakes all the time and think nothing of it, donít
you? Is that much different from popcorn? Iíll admit the diet coke was
not my usual choice of a breakfast beverage, but I had to drink
something, didnít I?

It was a hot day. It was a really hot day. Okay, it
was sizzling. It definitely was not football weather. When I think of
football, I think of shivering and drinking hot coffee to keep warm
while my toes freeze off. It was much too hot a day to be playing
football. As I sat there sweltering in the sun with perspiration running
down my back, I hated football more than ever.

When the game finally started, the Titans didnít
play worth a hoot. They got so far behind by halftime that I figured
they didnít have a chance of winning. After every play, somebody was
lying on the field injured, and it was always Tennessee. Titans were
dropping like flies.

I was getting sunburned and wanted to leave. My
friend, of course, was enjoying the stupid game. He bribed me with one
of those $5 cokes to get me to stay, and didnít even care about how
much I hate football.

As I looked around the crowd, I noticed that most
everyone was wearing Titan colors. As usual, I was out of fashion. It
seems the big thing now is to wear a jersey with the name of your
favorite player on the back. I wonder how much
those jerseys cost? I do sort of like them, even though I hate
football.

As the game began again, the repugnant college-age commentators sitting behind us got wound up on beer and began spouting
their opinions of each play. Why do these obnoxious people always seem
to show up at ballgames? And why do they always have to sit behind me?

But the game was staring to pick up now and the Titans were making a
comeback. Yes, I was screaming and yelling. I figured I might as well
join in and cheer since everyone else was Ė even though I hate football.

As the excitement level in the stadium grew, the
yelling was so loud that my eardrums were vibrating, especially when the
other team was trying to make a play. They tell me that fans yell loudly
so the opposing team canít hear the directions for their plays. Seems
like cheating to me, but the fans didnít care. Obviously, they donít
hate football like I do.

By the last of the fourth the enthusiasm was intense.
Yes, I was starting to enjoy the game. Hard to believe, I know, but you
just had be there to understand. I was almost having fun yelling and
screaming for every 10 yards gained, and trying hard to hate football.

When the Titans scored that final touchdown the crowd
went wild. Fireworks exploded and the stadium pulsated with noise. We
win! And this is only the first game of the season! Talk around
Tennessee is already about the Titans going to the Superbowl this year.