How to Survive Being a Teenager

Take it from a former teenager—adolescence is hard. You're going to get through it, but reading our list of methods for coping will help you deal with some of the stress.

When you're a teenager, the grass seems greener literally anywhere else on earth. Being a teenager is difficult—you're facing societal pressure to be a good student (but not too good, then you're an anti-social nerd!), to have fun (but not too much fun—then you're a troublemaker!), and to be yourself (unless you're not a prototypical teenager, and good luck figuring out what 'being yourself' even means when your teachers, parents, and friends all want different things from you, not to mention what you want for yourself). You face it all day at school, and then you come how and there are your parents, nagging you about homework and your social life and why your room isn't clean. The people that are supposed to always be there to support you suddenly feel like your worst enemies—how are you supposed to deal with that?

Find a Hobby

We were all teenagers at some point, and for the vast majority of us (particularly those of us whose interests fall on the geeky side) it was a difficult experience. It's easy to lash out in anger at the people you're closest to—fights with your parents are inevitable as they try to tell you what's best when you're certain nobody knows what's going on in your life but you. If you can, channel the rage you're feeling into a positive hobby. For me, it was always writing; I could write angry letters I never sent, passionate journal entries, and stories that gave me cathartic revenge rather than constantly fighting with my mom. And we still fought—we're two stubborn, independent women who refuse to have others tell us what to do—but by focusing my anger on being productive, I had less to unload on my mother and more to fuel my passion for writing. If writing isn't for you, there are plenty of options—gaming, painting, drawing, martial arts, running—these are activities for you, so don't worry if you're not particularly good at any of them. Try a bunch of things and see what makes you feel best. Skill comes later!

Try to Understand

You feel like your parents have no idea what's going on in your life—they keep talking about when they were a teenager, and it seems like the only things they hear come out of your mouth are the bad things. Your life isn't anything like theirs was back in the days before Facebook and cell phones, so how can they possibly understand? They probably can't, at least not entirely, but even your parents were once wild and reckless teenagers. Somewhere inside them, buried under worries about mortgages and cell phone bills or whatever else it is that adults think about, is someone who can identify with you on some level. Reaching that inner teenager is difficult—your parents are going to want you to engage them on an adult level, while you may have no idea what that means, and that's okay. Talk to them—not when you're angry, not when they're angry, but when you feel neutral, sad, or happy. Anger, like a forest fire, usually begets more anger, but other emotions can be a good way to start a conversation that can lead to you better understanding their emotions, and their better understanding yours.

Seek Solace in Your Friends

Your family is important, but friends are what are really going to get you through this tough time. You can vent to them and they'll more than likely understand what you're going through. Your friend group, small as it might be, can be your second family. Not everybody's home is a safe or loving place, and it's important to surround yourself with people who care and can help you when you're struggling. If you just can't get along with your parents, having a network of friends to support you is invaluable. Don't be afraid to pay a visit to your school counselor, too—if you're feeling troubled about anything, including your relationship with your parents, your school counselor is there to help. Counselors are bound by ethical restrictions to keep pretty much everything a secret, unless they feel that you are in immediate, clear danger, or will be such to others. Though this might sound untrustworthy, they're there to help you in any way they can, no matter the circumstances.

I've always been skeptical of people who look back on their teenage years and say they were the best of their life—my memories are of a lot of pressure, a lot of anger, and a lot of wondering why everybody else seemed to have it so figured out when I was so confused. My support network—writing and a mishmash of friends, family, and non-family adults—helped me get through when I sometimes felt like the world was going to swallow me up. Everyone's survival methods will be different, but forming a group of activities and people you love will help ease your passage through the difficulties of being a teenager.

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