Archive for April 28th, 2007

No, PA hasn’t become completely delusional and thinks she’s in Hawaii. Nor has she discharged herself, gone completely manic and bought a one way ticket there in order to completely attempt to escape all reality.

I keep forgetting to mention it and it’s become a big laugh around here but that is the name of our floor. Or rather, MAUI: Mood Anxiety Unit Inpatient.

I was so bloody stupid and out of it I couldn’t figure out the complete acronym so I had to ask! I got the Mood-Anxiety part but the rest completely confused me. And isn’t it kind of backwards? Shouldn’t it be “Inpatient Unit?” But I guess it’s harder to say, “MAIU.” Mai-yoo…not really. I can say it. Or maybe someone really thought naming this poor floor after a beautiful, island paradise was a really sick joke.

Anyway, Funny Gay Guy, myself and another gent…who I’ll call S. decided to go for our regular “after dinner smoke.” Yes, things have become so routine around here–and of course, the intigator, FGG decided he wanted to explore a few of the other floors where we are. Well there aren’t many in this portion of the building and we could wander further but I suppose no one really wanted to? They also have long term care where people have been living here for years. There are some really, really mentally interesting people here…

I was kind of curious too. Who else resided outside of our little Maui? Well, we found the Schizophrenia floor. Okay. Also on that floor was the “Treatment Area” (I believe I know what goes on in there–if not it’s on that floor) and something about “Genetics” as well. Hmmm. I was certainly curious about that. What are they doing regarding Genetics?

So then we went to the next floor but we didn’t realize something. The elevator doors shut and oops! We were on a locked floor! The elevators wouldn’t come, we were trapped by bars at a stairwell (it’s the same floor where our dining hall is but they unlock it only for meals.) Oh shit!

We felt really stupid but we were totally laughing as they have all of these signs about patients being AWOL and here we were…wandering around…when will the alarms start ringing and they send out the “crazy police” to come and get us? Again, jokes all around.

We’re not a high risk floor. Or even high risk patients. Just a little stupid and unfamiliar with our surroundings? Curiosity killed the cuckoos?

We didn’t want to bother the nurses on that floor. My nurse (who I really like–she’s a real sweetie, just a young thing starting out–so unjaded, eh? She is good though and gives me lots of attention) had just gone for a smoke with a patient who didn’t have off ward priviledges so we thought we’d wait for them to come back and yell up to this open balcony/bridge when they walked past to let us back upstairs. Luckily we didn’t have to. A nurse from that floor came out a few minutes later with a patient and let us back on to the elevator with a key.

Oddly enough, there are a lot of key switches that say “GA Key” on them. I have no idea what that acronym means either but I’ve made a little joke that it stands for the “Generalized Anxiety” portion of GAD. Quick, get the “Generalized Anxiety Key” and TURN IT OFF! I’m freaking out!

And yes, there was a sign indicating use of the “GA Key” on the “lockdown floor” to access the elevator. Stress on the lockdown floor…not good for anyone claustrophobic?

Oh dear…that was just “minor trouble” really…what else are we going to get into? Even my nurse didn’t care what we were doing. It might get to the point when she’s on shift (as she’s my primary) that the lunatics will be running the asylum. Just kidding. We’re not that bad.

I told you all? Oh Seroquel. It’s actually kind of fun. I should enjoy it while it lasts though. My body will get used to it and I probably won’t enjoy these enjoyable effects. Basically, Seroquel gets me pretty stoned.

Everything is funny. Nothing is funny. I giggle for no reason. I guess that’s pretty good in light of recent circumstances? Laughter is therapeutic.

As for any negatives? I’m a little bit dizzy, my mouth is dry, I become sedated but that’s kind of the point, am nauseous, perhaps lack of appetite (the latter two are certainly no hardship or anything new after the last several months.) However, I still didn’t sleep well! I started to get drowsy (was still all giggly mind you) and did fall asleep but still kept waking up and yes, was awake early. I was still out of it enough to get back to sleep alright but another problem is that I was freezing.

People have always said that PA must have ice running through her veins. I’m not a cold person characteristically or emotionally–or at least I don’t ever mean to be. If I am it’s unintentional and probably just because I am unaware and typically in outer space/consumed with something else or just lost in my own thoughts. But physically I am cold, cold, cold! Just about all of the time but definitely at night! I can usually be quite comfortable in long sleeves and pants in the middle of summer unless it is sweltering here.

So anyway, I think this post is relatively coherent. If not…? Sorry, I think my blog is declining. No one is responding to my posts anymore so I think everyone is indeed getting tired of my “life on the inside.” I don’t mind. I’m still going to keep writing about it. It’s therapeutic too.

Yes, it’s a funny place. Between the more stable (relatively speaking, we’re all in here) nutters on my floor and the others we see outside…whew!

We all talk on our floor, it becomes show and tell with our cutting scars, talk about our prior admissions to wards, our “addictions” and problems…

One man outside just asked me for some of my water. I was like, “No!” I was having a smoke with Funny Gay Guy who I think has now become my best buddy here because he just makes me laugh so hard and I said to him re: the other guy, “Oh yeah, sure…lick my cup!”