Hopeless

I don't know my own mind anymore. I have had mild bouts of depression and anxiety before(admittedly I tend to obsess about things sometimes). I obsess, I cry and it goes away within a day or two. But this has been going on over two weeks.

I cry everyday. I haven't slept through the night in days. I'm so tired but I can't stay asleep. I wake up thinking about work and home and everything that is going wrong and everything that can go wrong. I barely have any appetite and I have lost weight. Even my chest hurts.

I've been writing since I was five years old. It gives me pleasure and relaxes me. No matter what else is going on, I've always been able to write. But that's gone now too. I cannot get control of my own mind and that terrifies me more than anything.

My family means well, but they think if they shout at me enough that will help me to stop obsessing. It doesn't. It just makes me feel isolated and hopeless all the time.

I feel cursed, like I'm being punished for something but I don't know what I've done wrong. I feel like it will never end. There is something wrong with me. I don't want to live anymore but if I do anything to myself, then it would hurt my family and I don't want that either. But I'm so tired and no matter how hard I try I can't to seem to make it stop, the anxiousness, the frustration, the hurt. I don't know who I am anymore.

Please help me.

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