And remember, whatever lives in the heart control you. It becomes what you strive for and willing to sacrifice anything to have. It therefore, must be something eternal and never breaks. It must, be something that never leaves. Only one thing is like that : The Creator.

Raya In A Brief Of Time

Festive season again. Tho this year and last year does not make any different. It’s been few years since I bought any ‘baju raya’ to celebrate Eid. Years have passed, and the year do teaches me a lot.

Dad annual speech during our family gathering was, he claimed this year to be the fruitful year in the history. Of everyone achieving our own dreams. Of course, he was proud.

As for me, nothing really matter tho. I need to prepare mentally and physically for my next internship abroad, which I feel (as for today) that I am not well prepared.

Life has been really tough, while mom said that she was proud for me to complete my degree study and to go through trials alone. At least I know, that she know, I was and still am alone all this time.

Let just admit it, life is hard without a person who would be there through thick and thin. And I have been living for almost 7 months now, without anyone who is willing to hear my stories, give me support, and stare into my eyes out of burning angry love. But that’s ok (at least, that is what I been saying to myself)

It’s a lie, to not missing your memories. But perhaps, its true. Everybody changed by time. Except for me, the pain of having trust issues. The pain of being so selfish and emotionless. The pain of being under test of low social skills. Facts in my life.

I miss you, but I don’t need you. I miss being loved, but I don’t want to be in love. I miss being cared, but I choose not to care. I miss everything I ever had once, but I shall never ask for it twice.

You can be lonely in the most crowded place. Because often, that is what I felt.