Friday, January 27, 2006

Manure is funny!

Alrighty, this is usually my first joke I share. Hope you enjoy. But here's the thang, this blog entry is gonna need some audience participation. So here's what I want all of my buddies here, and anyone that happens to read this to randomly do. Share the best joke you've heard as well. Search for one on the net if ya have to, just share jokes, images, quotes, anything that will garner a laugh. Hopefully we can get a nice collection goin'! So let's get some laughs up in here! Gosh!

So, this guy has two twin sons. One is a 100% pessimist, no matter what, he will see the worst in everything. The other is an eternal optimist. The kid walks around with sunshine and flowers in his head. Living together with both of them is pure hell. They are so contrasted, so perfectly different that it makes it even worst.

So one day this guy decides he's gonna put them to the test. He hatches a plan and on the eve of both of their 16th birthdays, he sets it in motion.He gets his sons two gifts. To his pessimist son, he gets.....THE GREATEST STEREO SYSTEM KNOWN TO MAN! It cost him an absolute fortune, and it is worth every penny. It can do everything. It can pick up his room for him while playing his favorite type of music. It can shoot out a disco ball and turn his room into a party with the touch of a button. It provides wise advice at any given moment, and it can transform into a car and go with him anywhere. It comes with a soda dispenser, candy dispenser, and money dispenser. Every kid in the universe wants one, and now that his son has it, he will become extremely popular. His social life and pure, unadulterated happiness would be unalterably secure.

The father, with a smug smile on his face as he leaves the room in the middle of the night, is giddy thinkin' "There is no way he can find anything wrong with THAT".To his optimist son's room he leaves a....big...pile...of manure. Running off to bed, he sleeps with the knowledge that he's finally cured his two sons.

Upon waking up, he jumps out of bed to run across the hall to burst into his pessimist son's room. There on the bed, his son is staring, not at the huge stereo that looms over him, but something on the floor. On the ground is the gigantic manual that goes with the stereo. It is about 3 feet thick. His son begins to complain the moment his dad came into the room. "Dad, I'll never even begin to learn how to use that thing. The manual is just too big for me to even think of starting to read it. I'll never finish it, it'll take the rest of my life, and I'll die before I do."The dad simply stared in utter shock at his son. He had actually thought that that this time he'd got the better of him. Dejected, he walked slowly down the rest of the hall to open his optimist son's room. The smell of the manure was terrible as he slowly pushed the door open. What he beheld shocked him even more. There prancing around the pile of horse crap was his son with a shovel. He was busy digging holes gleefully. Blinking once, then twice, then three times, trying to comprehend how anyone could be this excited about a pile of crap. He finally stopped his son and asked, "Son, what ARE you doing?"When the kid saw his dad, he stopped everything and exclaimed with a face covered in poop, "DAD! WHERE'S THE PONEY!".

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About Me

DJ. Teacher. Poet. Legend.
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
I am the subject of numerous documentaries. I am an abstract artist, and a ruthless bookie. I don't perspire. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, and I have performed open-heart surgery.
But I have not yet begun to live.