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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Intelligentwomenonly.com views negative self-talk as a habit, not a neurosis; a habit that needs to be broken in order to decrease stress, improve self-esteem and increase productivity. There have been lots of suggestions of what to do instead of negative self-talk and continuing focus on Techniques of the Week, but today I'll quote from a 12/22 WSJ article, "How to Keep a Resolution."http://tinyurl.com/64n4mar

It's not quite the same as breaking a habit, but there are similarities: a plan, effort, time, commitment and energy are required. UGH. Daunting — always — for all. "Keeping a resolution isn't a hundred yard dash. It's a marathon," says John Norcross a psychology professor from the University of Pennsylvania. I agree. It's always a good move to increase mental and physical stamina and resilience, but it's rarely easy.

The article proposes these steps, slightly altered by the blogger:

• Make a realistic plan in advance
• Reduce other life stresses if possible
• Practice exercising self-control in other areas of life before you tackle the "big one"
• Think ahead of time about potential obstacles and plan avoidance strategies
• Plan rewards for successful behavior changes
• Focus on the new habit, change rather than the old
• Use positive reinforcement 80% of the time, negative reinforcement 20% of the time
• Plan punishments to help you get started, such as denying yourself TV
• Make a plan for bouncing back from setbacks and slips

I agree with it all, but it sounds as complex as sending a woman to the moon. Maybe best to go back to one step at a time. Make a plan that will work for you. I've said it before and I'll say it again and again. Here's the first step for NSTers.

• Acknowledge without judgment,“Yes, I have acquired the negative self-talk habit, like many other women.”The key is without judgment; just as you might acknowledge that you have brown hair like many other women, you acknowledge NST without criticism, recognizing that you have control of your thinking if you choose to take it.

WELCOME TO IWO!

It's the beginning of the third year of intelligentwomenonly.com I've started off with some retrospective posts as a reminder to me and you that this blog started out focused on understanding and eliminating negative self-talk. Not surprising since my current book project is Handbook #l for Intelligent Women: Break the Negative Self-Talk Habit.Strong beliefs underlie intelligentwomenonly.com posts:• Research based advice/suggestions/content contain more accurate facts and greater value than pop psychology.• Intelligent girls and women are more likely than intelligent boys and men to limit themselves because of their self-talk.• Negative self-talk is a bad habit, not a neurosis or psychosis. Unfortunately, it's normal in a majority of girls and women.

•The negative self-talk habit has to be eliminated before realistic (or positive thinking) can be learned and maintained.• Positive self-talk cannot create a positive reality even if the negative self-talk habit is broken.• Self-help approaches can work for changing thinking, feeling, and behavioral habits.In the next nine months of 2012, I would love to be able to tell you that the book will be published this year or next. In the meantime I've become intrigued with new brain research about thinking and emotions, particularly applicable and useful for and to women. I'll post no more about gender differences, unless they're wildly interesting, and more about intelligent women's psychology, thinking, feelings, and out front actions. I've added a new red subject box, Writers and Writing, targeted specifically for writers, of course!

I'm still looking for some controversy, disagreement, new information from readers. I'm open to your thoughts about what you'd like to hear more about — or less about!Please send me your comments, suggestions, questions, criticisms — all of you intelligent women out there!