Thursday, October 27, 2005

That eliminates Harrison Ford and Michael Douglas...

Elle Girl magazine surveyed 10,000 teenage girls worldwide (4,000 in the U.S.) and asked them who the coolest older guy is. And you know who came in first place?

Axl Rose.

Now I have two problems with this:1. Axl Rose is not old.2. Axl Rose is not cool.

I think the criteria would have to be:-- Over 50-- Can't have a wife or girlfriend 20 years younger than himself.-- Doesn't call embarrassing attention to himself.-- Doesn't have some crazy pet project.-- Cool as an advertisement, as Daisy Buchanan would say

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

For Teresa

Last summer, when I went back to the coast for my 20-year reunion, we didn't think Teresa Johnson was going to make it back.

You see, Teresa had been undergoing treatment for breast cancer. In the summer of 2004, she was scheduled to undergo reconstruction surgery. But I guess she was able to reschedule her surgery, because she was at the reunion. And she was a fabulous addition to our party.

Teresa was one of my first junior high friends. She was my first friend in the neighborhood with a pool. I spent a lot of time at her house. I smoked my first cigarette at her birthday slumber party in 7th grade. I had a bike accident in front of her house that kept me out of school for a week.

Teresa was one of my oldest Long Beach, Miss. friends.

When she returned home from the reunion last summer, Teresa's doctors discovered that her breast cancer had metastasized to her bone marrow. For those of you who didn't spend the last eight years working for a childhood cancer research center, let me assure you: this is very, very serious.

I have been following Teresa's progress on her blog. To save you the trouble of reading her archives, let me give you the most recent: Teresa has written her farewell letters to her two young children and has already arranged for hospice in order to save her family the pain.

It's heartbreaking, really, when you think of it. Think of your children, who you love more than life itself. And then realize that you are leaving them. Forever. You won't be there to see them graduate. Marry. Have children. And you have to say your goodbyes in letters. That you write. Before you die.

Please think of it. Let it hurt.

Some of you may have had the Race for the Cure in your city recently. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It never seemed to matter that much to me before. It's not in my genetic history. I'm not at high risk. I had my benchmark mammogram at 35. I'm OK so far.

But Teresa, she's trying to find a way to say goodbye to her two young children.

When My Kid was born, I used to have these horrible fears that I would lose him...that he would die from SIDS or that someone would steal him from me. I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen.

And then I realized that the MOST horrible thing that could happen would be that I would die. Losing him would break my heart. But losing me would mean that HE would suffer. And that was almost impossible to fathom.

It's completely heartbreaking.

If you have the opportunity to run or walk in you city, please make the commitment. So many of us will be affected by breast cancer before we know it.

Make your donations now. It may be too late to save Teresa's children from their pain, but it may not be too late for your grandchildren.

I may have gone to public school but at least I took geography.

This guy in our office is going to Hawaii with his wife next week. Our poor, poor little intern girl said to him, "You know what I don't get? How come it's hot in Hawaii and snowing in Alaska, but when you look on the map they're right next to each other?"

Seriously.

Thanks to Greg for the image. Which I stole. But I couldn't help it. It was so appropriate.

Monday, October 24, 2005

The saga of the Halloween costume continues

Well, my problem is I waited too long. I have this great idea for a costume, but it takes a little planning. And some dedicated time to find the perfect dress. And I just waited too long.

I went today to the Goodwill store out by my office. I was kind of hoping they'd have a prom/bridesmaid dresses section but noooo. I had to search through rows and rows and rows of dresses. I found a couple of possibilities, but they all ended up being too small.

I found this one dress that's not what I had in mind, but might work somehow. It was only $5 so I bought it. I'm going to keep looking at a couple of other thrift shops in town though.

The thing is, it's such a good costume idea that I don't want to do it halfway. I want to wait until I can do it right.

But I digress.

This dress is amethyst purple. And velvet. With a ginormous bow across the front. It's not long though and I really truly believe that Miss America 1984 should have a big poufy skirt. So maybe I'll be Class of 84 Prom Queen instead.

That's me in the Goodwill Store dressing room. HA! Now there's something you never expected to read here. I like that it's bright purple, because I really really want to wear purple eyeshadow. And nail polish.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Just call me ESPN

All sports...all the time

Saturday morning we left the house at 10 a.m. for My Kid's soccer game. Which they won 4-1. With no dramatic moments like irate insects or shitty fat ref lady giving our coach a card. We were playing that team with the 8-year-olds again so Coach moved the players all around again. My Kid played goalie the first half. The second half he was at midfield and he played more aggressive than I've seen in months. I think standing bored in the goal in the entire first half will do that to you. Two of Kid's teammates that had never scored before made goals yesterday. Their moms were soooo excited.

We left the soccer field at nearly 12 and headed down to Liberty Bowl stadium for the Tiger football (NCAA) game. The tickets said the game started at 1, but when we got there (at 12:30) the parking lot wasn't all that crowded. Turns out the game was pushed back to 2:30 for TV. So we went to the Alumni Association party and ate barbeque and drank beer until the game started. We won 27-24. It was Homecoming. DeAngleo Williams, the senior All-American and THE NATION'S LEADING RUSHER, carried a career-high 39 times for 226 yards and two touchdowns . The 200-yard game was the fourth by Williams this season and the eighth of his career. Last week he only had 197. Slacker.

We left the stadium and took Big Daddy home. He wasn't feeling well. (He thinks it might be his appendix. I think it might be complete burnout from working every single day the entire summer without ever taking even one day off.) So we took him home, then The Kid & I headed downtown to the FedExForum for the Memphis Grizzlies (NBA) game. We had not been to the Forum since it opened, so that was a pretty amazing experience. The Griz were playing the Houston Rockets and I just want to tell you that Yao Ming is a complete freak of nature. I saw Pau Gasol up close at the Latino Memphis Gala Friday night. He is 7 feet tall and appears suspiciously giantlike when he walks into a room. Even a spacious room full of hundreds of people. However, on the court with Yao (7'8" I think?), even Pau is dwarfed. It's like watching trick photography. We won 82-78 and My Kid got to see Tracey McGrady play, who he really likes. And we were in my office's Club Level seats which means you don't have to get up and go to the concession stands; people bring the food to you. Man, that's the life.

Noche de Gala

Friday night I attended the Latino Memphis gala. Several of my Latina girlfriends were on the committee. We had a great time. And I learned a new word: Bicha.

All the chicas were there:

"LuLu"-- Is from Nicaragua-- She was co-chair of the event-- She wore a mink fur stole over her dress-- No.She.Dit-int-- Yes, she did-- She doesn't work-- But she has a housekeeper-- And a new BMW-- She spends her days planning gala events for nonprofits-- When she's not traveling-- Her makeup looked great-- Turns out she's went to NYC and had it done by a Trish McEvoy rep-- And then bought $thousands worth-- You see why I call her my princess friend-- She's wonderful-- I only wish I could keep up

"Goose"-- Is from Chile-- She was in charge of the silent auction-- There were two diamond bracelets worth $20K each-- And an autographed Carlos Santana guitar-- She & LuLu are best friends-- She's a little funkier than LuLu-- She was wearing a green vintage dress-- And a big floppy J-Lo hat-- She doesn't work either-- And drives a Mercedes SUV-- And once spent $12,000 on clothes at Oak Hall in one month.-- Which she and LuLu thought was HILARIOUS!!!

"Eve"-- Is from Puerto Rico-- She was in charge of PR for the event-- She did a very good job as every society page photog was there-- Also, the event was sold out-- She does work-- And is very good at what she does-- She's in training to run a marathon-- Her ass looks GREAT-- She's an excellent salsa dancer, too-- She taught me about Regatone

"An"-- She's not technically a Latina-- She's actually a red-headed Irish girl from Virginia-- But she lived in Mexico for a couple years and so is fluently bilingual-- She's my bestfriend-- She's a bit of a hippie chick-- But she looked great all dressed up Friday night

I wish I'd gotten some photos because everyone looked fantastic. You know, Hispanic women are so glamorosa. (Do you know what country has had more Miss Universes than any other? That's right: Venezuela.) But alas, my camera phone wouldn't fit in my tiny little cocktail bag so I had to leave it in the car. The only photo I got was this one at my house before the gala:

Friday, October 21, 2005

You MIGHT be a nerd if...

Laugh track optional

Yesterday I had to meet a client and a newspaper reporter for lunch. The reporter was interviewing the client for a story.

What an interesting lunch.

The client has been successful in business for more than 30 years but obviously has no media sense whatsoever. He said no less than six times (I counted), "Well, off the record..." And then he proceeded to say if not incriminating than at the very least negative things about his company, his industry, his colleagues and his competitors.

I thought I'd slink completely under the table. I debated on standing up and dramatically declaring, "OK, this interview is OVER."

Because, for those of you who don't know, NOTHING IS EVER 'OFF THE RECORD' WITH THE MEDIA. You never, ever say anything to a reporter that you don't want to read on the front page of tomorrow's paper. Duh.

And on top of everything else, the reporter had tourette syndrome. I'm not kidding. He didn't scream out cuss words or anything, but he had violent spasms and continually jerked his head around hard enough to shake the table.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

So this is pretty frightening

The scientist at my old job who is a flu expert, who NAMED the bird flu virus (H5N1), who warned the country THREE YEARS AGO that we're headed for a flu pandemic?

Yesterday he had a news conference and he said that when this hits here it will SHUT DOWN SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT AND THE ONLY HOPE YOU'LL HAVE OF SURVIVING IS BY STAYING IN YOUR HOUSE AND EVERYONE BETTER HAVE AT LEAST ONE MONTH'S WORTH OF FOOD AND SUPPLIES IN THEIR HOME SO GET READY.

Not that I'm an alarmist or anything, but the man is the Center for Disease Control's leading flu expert. I'm pretty sure he knows of which he speaks. And I'm pretty sure I'm heading to Kroger right after work to STOCK UP.

Washa-washa-washa

Pay attention. There'll be a test later.

So today at work Big Daddy called me and told me to go to Sears by 5:30 and ask for Quentin. He told me to pick out which washer I wanted and to get Quentin's card and he (Big Daddy) would call tomorrow and make all the arrangements. Then he gave me a budget to buy within (which *sheesh* he's ALWAYS doing to me!!!).

So I go to Sears. I ask for Quentin. He directs me to the front-loading washers.

The one I wanted is like $1500. Yeah, not so much in the budget (but OK, just barely. I probably could've talked my way into it...but I kept thinking of all the SHOES that could buy).

Because really. What good is a high capacity washer if the dryer will take two hours to dry the load?

So I'm feeling like the total bargain shopper.

Sears gave us a $500 credit on our washer (defective and four replaced parts in six months and all that). The washer was $699. The dryer, $400. You do the math.

So we make the deal. And, since I wasn't planning on going to Sears after work, they have to look up our account number. And call the home office. And the guy on the phone wants to speak to me.

Which ewww. Totally grosses me out. It's like...talking on a pay phone. I just know I'm getting acne as we speak.

And hello? The whole transaction took AN HOUR. Can't you have some place for your customers to sit down? I'm in 3-inch heels here.

OK, now for the test. What? I told you there would be a test. So here it is:

What's wrong with this photo?

Are you kidding me?? A man and his son, looking at washers?? HA! LIKE THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE FOR. They're probably lost, and think they're in the TV section and they're trying to figure out how to turn the damn thing on.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Exercise your blogacratic right to vote.

My company is having a big Halloween party at Zoo Boo on Saturday the 29th. And we're having a costume contest (one for adults and one for kids). I have two ideas and I need you to help me decide. I'm leaning one way, but I'm going to try to explain the costumes in a completely nonbiased way so you can make a fair decision.

1. Miss America 1984For this costume, I would buy the biggest, fluffiest, pastel-est used bride's maid's dress I can find. Then I would use tons of heavy product (gel & hair spray) and scrunch my hair to make it HUGE and do the big mall bang thing. Purple eyeshadow with heavy liner and tons of mascara. Lots of bright makeup. My tiara. And then I would get a wide ribbon from which I would make a "sash" on which I would write in glitter pen "Miss America, 1984."

2. The Corpse BrideThis one takes less explanation, as we've all seen the huge marketing campaign for the movie. I'm afraid the long white "bride" dress might be a little more expensive (even used) than the Miss America gown. But the makeup would be fun! I'd buy some drugstore base makeup in the palest white I can find. Then black eye shadow and black shading under my eyes and under my cheekbones. I'd probably use straight corn starch for face powder as it has no color in it and is pure white. I could make a bouquet out of dead flowers and wrap the stems in black ribbon. And I'd fancy a veil out of some tulle and my tiara.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Wish Book stuff

So my life was made considerably easier this weekend when I went to spend my Sunday doing laundry (as always) and the washing machine broke on the first load. Oh for heaven's sake. This is the fourth time in five months that this has happened to me and I'm getting REALLY REALLY SICK OF IT.

So I made Big Daddy call Sears and tell them that WE WANT A NEW WASHER.

Turns out they have a policy that if they have to replace parts four times within six months you get a new appliance! So today, they came out and fixed my washer AND I get a new washer!!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

It's like that web site postsecret.com

I hate reality shows. Really I do. I watched Survivor for the first couple seasons, and I enjoy the bad singers at the beginning of AI, and I do enjoy a bit of America's Next Top Model when I catch it on VH1 on the weekends.

But I don't get INTO any reality shows. Like actually care about who got voted off or who said what to who.

Until recently.

Would you believe that I watched every episode of The Surreal Life this season? I can hardly believe it myself. It started as a matter of convenience - it just happened to come on after Best Week Ever. So it was something I laid in bed and watched on Sunday mornings. Like cartoons. For adults.

And I found myself talking to Bronson and Caprice and Jose and Hart when they would tell the camera that Omarosa was WRONG to bring up Janice's kids and I would say, "Well why don't you say that to her face??"

And I felt gyped that Janice made her big scene at the last supper and we never got to see what Peppa's question was.

And even though I know the show is just stupid, I found that I'd become wrapped up in it. And I AM NOT ASHAMED. OK, maybe I am. A little bit.

Friday, October 14, 2005

How My Day Went

I was pleased to notice on my first trip to the restroom this morning that the lipstick I'd picked out went exceptionally well with the lime green eye shadow I'm wearing. Because it's not easy matching up some lime green eye shadow, you know.

The bitch from Nashville spent more time arguing over who's going to incur the late fees if we didn't get to print by 1 p.m. than she did just OPENING UP THE DAMN FILE AND APPROVING IT.

Then she told me the hold up was that legal was looking at the copy and she asked me where I got the enforcement information and I said FROM YOUR WEB SITE.

Big Daddy's coming home tonight!!! Yay!

The company bought us lunch today from an Asian bistro. My life philosophy is: Any day is a good day that you can get someone to buy your lunch.

When you live in the south, and summer lasts for nine months out of the year, you get really funny about parking in the shade. You search for it. You drive around an extra 10 minutes looking for it. You get really, really excited when you get it - like scoring a great deal on a pair of Michael Kors sandals. Today, when I came out of work, I noticed my car was IN THE SHADE!!! and I started to do a little dance of joy until I realized that I'D WORKED SO LATE THE WHOLE DAMN PARKING LOT WAS IN THE SHADOW OF THE BUILDING.

Remember when you were young and in love and kissing meant so much to you that you never wasted those minutes sitting at a red light but instead would spend those precious moments deep kissing your boyfriend? I got behind a couple like that tonight. "How sweet," I thought. "How romantic...How totally puke-inducing." Ugh.

The Friday Five

What’s the last book you read? Dry by Augustan Burroughs, the follow up to his bestseller Running with Scissors

What’s the best book you’ve read in the past year? Waiting for Snow in Havana by Carlos Eire. It’s the memoirs of a boy who was part of the “Pedro Pan” air lift out of Cuba when Castro came into power, but mostly it’s focused on the life he left behind. The writing is beautiful – poetic even.

What book would you love to see made into a movie? My biography

What character from a book are you most like (or is most like you)? Siddalee Walker from the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Client Services totally does not get PR

Asked me to pitch a feature story on Client D to a national trade pub. When the publication bit, I tried to set up the interview, and Client D decided they weren't ready for the story yet.

Asked me to find out if Client A's story is going to run in the #1 industry trade pub that we submitted it to. Now this is a cardinal rule in PR: you never, ever ask, "Are you going to run my story?" So I try to be sly and send the editor an email that say, "Just following up to make sure you received this release..." and she answers me back, "Yes, it is slated to run in the 10/17 issue." Yay. So I let the Account Exec know that it's running so she can tell the client. And the AE says to me, "Are they running the photo, too?" Excuse me one moment while I CHOKE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.

Asked me to revive the Consumer Release for Client L based on their "recent successes at trade shows." Eh-cuse me??

Helped a client distribute a ROUGH CUT video to their investors. Who the hell sends out unfinished work??

Requested in a meeting that I provide a deadline for a VNR for Client U. I said, "OK, when do they want it?" and the AE said, "I don't know." (I try not to roll my eyes in meetings, but that one was out of my control.)

Monday, October 10, 2005

We're back

And the photos are up. It was a lot of fun. I think we're going back at the end of the month for the Rams-Saints game. Plus, we still owe the Kid a trip up into the Arch.

We got in about 10 last night, and I spent about an hour winding down and loading photos. It took forever since I had to send each one individually from my cell phone to my email, then open the email, save the photo, upload the photo to flickr, name them, describe them and organize them. Again, sorry for the crappy quality. I tried to describe what you're looking at if it was impossible to see.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

The Science Center in St. Louis has FREE internet access

Me & the Kid are at the amazing St. Louis Science Center which is so cool and pretty much...amazing. And free. Did I mention free? (Big Daddy dropped us off and went to go visit his sister's gravesite.) So we check out the ecology section. And the health and biology section. And the dinosaurs and the last section we come to is computers and the internet and we make it through that and at the end there are COMPUTERS! And INTERNET! Hellooo, Internet!

So I'm on my blog and My Kid is managing his fantasy football team for tomorrow's game. I love this town.

The trip up was not bad - I ended up driving the whole way. Big Daddy was sooooo tired, and I had all this great music on the iPod Nano to keep me going. We were just driving through West Memphis, Arkansas when we saw a Lamborghini on the highway! It was the coolest thing! And it reminded me to ask Big Daddy, "Did you bring the camera?" Shit.

So all the photos from our weekend getaway are going to be crappy little camera phone images.

The weather here is so gorgeous! Like 57 degrees. Ahhhh...fall. We went to the Arch but the line to go up was several hours long. Note to self: Don't go to Arch on Saturday afternoon.

Tonight - the St. Louis Blues vs. the San Jose Sharks. Got seats right on the glass. You know the boys are excited about that.

Tomorrow - the Rams vs. the Seahawks. And can you believe that Big Daddy bought a Sean Alexander shirt to wear to the game?? We were at Union Station and he put it on as soon as he bought it and all these people that are members of the Midwest Seahawks Club kept coming up to him and now we're invited to some Texas Hold 'Em for charity party tonight and a huge tailgate party tomorrow. Who knew??

That's it for now. Can't post a photo b/c there's nowhere to download it from my phone onto this PC. And neither one of us brought our laptops (can you believe it??? I can't.) so this may be it until we get home.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Weekend Plans

We're taking the Kid to St. Louis for the weekend. Going to a Rams game. I was going to try to leave work at 3:30 so we could get on the road a little early. Then I ended up in a meeting at 2:30 and didn't get out until 4 and still had to pick up the dog food. And once I got home I had to unpack everything I packed this morning and repack new and different stuff because I had completely changed my mind about what I'm going to want to wear in St. Louis. *Sigh* I'm going to be COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED by Monday morning. But hopefully it will be FUN. I'll post photos when we get home.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

You know what is so cool about shopping online?

Once you order from an etailer, you start getting all these special offers from them for free shipping, or 10 percent off your next order. Which means? MORE SHOPPING! Yay. Finally something to not be pissy about today.

Dear Mother Nature,

Monday, October 03, 2005

Living with a pre-teen part two: You write a post like that and then they go and do this

"I love you, Mom" said the note, next to the rose in the little bud vase on my kitchen counter. The little fucker. How dare he play with my emotions like this??? If he were a full grown man I would totally cuss him. As his mom, all I can do is swoon.

Which I do. I pick up dinner from Chili's for everyone (Kid & Daddy) on the way home.

Kid gets in the car and won't talk to me. Ask him how practice went. All I get is THE HAND. I say, "You don't want to talk?" He shakes his head. I turn the radio on to the pop station he likes and don't talk.

Later I say, "So my kicker got 23 points last night!" [figure fantasy football is one thing he'll discuss with me.]

Look to him and he's squinting. "Do you have a headache?" I ask.

"MOM. YES."

"Well I'm sorry..." I say, turning off the radio. "If I'd known your head hurt...I'll give you some tylenol when we get home..."

"MOM," he cuts me off. I get the hand again.

"OK, sorry," seems like that's all I say to him anymore.

I leave him alone until we get home. I offer him food. Tylenol. Ice for his sore hamstring.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Soccer Week 4: The JCC

The JCC is the team that everybody wants to beat. Even our coach doesn't like them - he says that they "stack" their team, which I'm not really sure what that means, but I do know in all our years of playing soccer My Kid's teams have never been able to beat a JCC team.

Since they don't play on Saturdays, we have to play them on Sundays. And since our kids (hypothetically) go to church on Sunday mornings, our games have to be Sunday afternoon. We played at 1:30. Man, was it HOT. I didn't realize just how hot, or I wouldn't have brought Smokey, my furry child. After a few minutes in the sun, I grabbed my chair & Smokey's leash and all my stuff and relocated to the other side of the field, where there are some trees and shade. As soon as I got us all settled over there, Smokey lifted his leg and PEED ON MY COACH PURSE. Damn dog.

They took the lead with an early goal. But we came back pretty quickly - their goalie came out into the box and but then missed the save, so the goal was open and Thomas knocked it in there. Yay! I hoped it wasn't a fluke.

By halftime it was tied up 2 all, and Coach brought our players over to the trees to get some shade. The exact spot they picked? A yellow jacket nest. Oh yes. One kid started jumping around swatting at his legs with his water bottle and I thought it was ants, but their socks are black, and I could see all the yellow spots on them. Then another kid started jumping around and then they all started running and ripping off their shirts and I am not kidding, it was like a cartoon where the bees form into a huge arrow and point at the people and then starting chasing them. Our kids were screaming and crying and running amok in all directions. One kid took some stings to the face around his eyes. Poor Harrison, he was stung nine times. Even the coach had five stings. Luckily, My Kid was on the other side of the group so he didn't get any, but still. I have never seen bees swarm like that before. There must have been thousands of them, and they literally chased them. It was so bizarre.

We played well the second half, given that half of the boys were in anaphylactic shock from the bee stings. The JCC went up 3-2. Time was getting short. Adeche kicked a great corner kick. It bounced off of one of their player's heads and into the goal! That still counts, right?? So we were tied up and playing as defensively as possible and then Thomas got the ball and took it up the sideline and cut across and knocked it in!!!

WE WON!! WE BEAT THE JCC!!! Our boys were so excited. And they deserved it. It was a great game to watch. They played hard out there in that heat and even survived the attack of the killer bees. Rock on!

Mullet Watch 2005

Do you know what time it is? It's time for Pronto Pups and funnel cakes and roast corn and turkey legs. It's time for the MidSouth Fair!

And let me tell you, you see all kinds at The Fair. My favorite was the great big fat woman who stored her cell phone IN HER CLEAVAGE. Although the girl who was 9 month's pregnant and wearing only a black crocheted bra and a little hootchie skirt was kind of interesting too. Not that giving life isn't beautiful and all, but what would inspire someone to dress that way to go to THE FAIR?

Apparently yesterday was the high school cheer/pom competition because the girls in their glitter make up were out in all their glory. I thought it was rather curious, though, when I saw the little scruffy guy WITH NO TEETH in the "CBHS Pom Team" t-shirt carrying a "CBHS Pom Team" equipment bag, seeing how Christian Brothers High School is one of the more high-end private schools in town.

We don't really trust the rides and the food is good but definitely not good for you (and the conditions under which it is prepared is pretty questionable,too) and you can't win at any of the games, so I'm not sure why we keep going back to The Fair every year. It's just something you do. More photos here.