Ohio used to be a lot more fun

Being born and raised in Michigan, I instinctively learned to despise Ohio.

And people there hate Michigan, too.

No one is sure why Michigan and Ohio loathe each other because, when you get right down to it, we have much in common. Both states are dismissed as rustic backwaters by sophisticates on the coasts. We get this reputation because we wear flannel shirts and lift soup bowls to our mouths to swallow the last drops. Sophisticated people lack that kind of bold self-confidence.

Something within human nature seems to compel neighbors to despise each other even when they are mostly alike.

Once I took a friend of Mexican heritage to eat lunch at El Ranchito restaurant in Jackson. I told him it is a good Mexican place. He enjoyed the food but had a complaint.

"You said it was Mexican," he said. "It's Guatemalan. I don't care for Guatemalans."

Macedonians, Greeks and Turks all despise each other. The Irish despise the English. Islamic sects hate each other so much outsiders can barely keep track.

Michigan and Ohio express our hatred with football instead of bullets.

When I grew to maturity, my father taught me everything I need to know about manhood. He taught me how to drive a stick shift, how to treat a woman right and how to hate Ohio State.

Hating Ohio State used to be fun. With the impossible exception of a Detroit Lions Super Bowl victory, nothing in football is better than the glorious feeling of watching Michigan or Michigan State beat Ohio State like John Wayne's horse.

People all over Michigan prepare for Ohio State games by gathering to ridicule Ohio residents as inbred hillbillies who are easily confused by indoor plumbing.

Ohio people gave it right back. Once I worked with a man from Columbus who insisted people in Ohio hate Michigan with a passion we cannot match. They call us sexual deviates, spit in our faces and vandalize cars with Michigan plates. Their most famous coach was known for refusing to buy gas in Michigan.

Gosh, this was fun!

But lately the joy of hating Ohio is ruined by the empty sadness that follows the stench of failure.

Michigan lost to Ohio State on Saturday for the sixth time in seven years. Michigan State has not beaten Ohio State since 1999. That hurts.

It's painful to admit it, but those inbred hillbillies are better than us.