22 Years and Counting: Falling in Love Intuitively

I’m glad I had the opportunity to “find a man” when I was in my early 20s.

I’m glad I fell in love in my youth.

I’m glad I fell in love when I was younger because I was not as conscious of all of the things I wanted and needed. All I knew is that this guy is a cool dude. He likes hanging out, having a drink or two, or four and walking in the rain. He was about to graduate with an accounting degree and wanted to work on a cruise ship.

I thought that was brave. I mean who finishes undergrad and then aspires to work on a cruise ship?

I didn’t have the list that so many of my friends over 25, 35, 45 seem to currently have. I didn’t even have the list that has accumulated after two decades of marriage.

I wasn’t thinking about if he saved money or if he had a 401k. He made about 27k at first, and he spent most of his money. I wasn’t consciously thinking about how or if he would love our future kids. We eventually had two daughters; he avidly watches superhero films with one and advises the other about the importance of self-respect. I wasn’t worried about if he would clean the house or take my car to the shop. He ended up being obsessive about cleaning, at first, and he rarely serviced any of my cars. I wasn’t concerned about if he’d support my future goals. He does. Always.

He played tennis and I barely ran across the street even if I saw a car coming. He only ate rice for lunch and dinner, while I devoured several servings of any and everything in front of him. One of our first dates was to Red Lobster. Because he didn’t have enough money, he let me eat what I wanted while he ate salad and cheddar biscuits. I didn’t condemn him for not having money, cause he was 23. Plus, I didn’t have any money either.

I didn’t follow a 90-day rule.

I didn’t care if he believed in God, was a Christian or an atheist. Our philosophies about a higher power developed and intertwined like violet Wisteria on a white trellis. Most days we would just be. We would talk about hypothetical situations and what-ifs grew to be realities.

I didn’t read a bunch of magazines (or blogs) about how to get a man, how to keep a man, how to stop your man from cheating.

I’m glad I fell in love in my youth because I had the time and space to follow my intuition and my heart each step of the way.

This is very beautiful. Happy belated anniversary to you both. Is that a thing? Maybe? I met my fiancé in middle school but we didn’t court until after high school. It’s so interesting how things start off and eventually grows and develops.

My initial thoughts on reading this were OMG this is beautifuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul. I almost teared up at the emotions that it elicited from me. Now let me put the other side (don’t worry, not going to burst your ballon), I absolutely never believed in marriage and all that stuff all because of one particular marriage I had privy to. I will not supply any more details here because it’s just so in the PAST where it firmly belongs. BUT when I read this, it’s almost as if my parent’s marriage (Oh dear, didn’t I say I wasn’t going to mention this??), was a mirage. I began to see wedding dresses, flutes of champagne, white doves cooing, wedding cake, milestone anniversaries, eternity rings, the wedding night. OK, let me stop there. You have restored my belief. I loved every word of this. I loved the poetry of it. I loved the way it flowed. Damn! I just love this post! 🙂

Thanks Marie! I thought I was going to have more to say, but I’m really glad you feel this way. It’s all a mirage, an illusion, you know? We grow and decide which illusions we want to believe in and which we’d rather forget. I’m glad that this one provided some happy feels, especially on your birthday 😉

Yes, Kathy this did provide me with happy feels as you put it so nicely. And I’m so thankful I read it and perhaps I NEEDED to read that for part of my own self-growth. For so long I have had a very negative view of relationships/marriage that I can see now has been completely skewed due to my own negative experiences. Reading your post with fresh eyes and a newfound openness I was completely caught up in the dream. And yes it is to some extent an illusion and a mirage. But if you look at the concept of a dream, isn’t it that you wake up and are thankful that it was just a dream? Or sometimes you wake up from a dream that was so good that you’re sorry to wake up and you wish you could continue the dream? Reality is what you make of it: you can choose to live in a dream state or you can face up to harsh reality, OR you can dip your toe into whatever suits you: some days you cam embrace the dream parts and other days you can wake up to the harsh realities. Life/relationships/marriage are never 100% perfect, but it is always better to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. Your post allowed me to do just that. Although your post made me feel wonderful, I was aware that it wasn’t all cream cakes and fizzy pop – there might be the bowl of lumpy porridge there too, Please forgive my analogy, it’s the best I could come up with this morning. 🙂

Oh of course not Marie. You could never say too much! This was just a busy busy week and your post, like many others really requires me to think a little deeper. Thank you for the compliment. That’s always my goal, to provoke and engender 🙂

I love this K!
Lists are hilarious to me. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met who don’t possess any of the items or traits on the list that they are requiring somebody else to meet.
Say whaaaa?
You need to be/have/do everything you ask of others.
Once people realize that they start shortening the list! LOL!!!!
Can’t wait to read your book!

OMG! I don’t know how I missed this comment! Girl, yes. They don’t have not one trait on the list, but REQUIRE it from every man they meet! I have another quote coming that addresses this too. But yes, be what you want and you’ll probably get it. Hard to explain that to people…smh

This is crazy, because I didn’t get notification of this response either–now I’m SMH.
Oh well! I see it now 🙂
That list thing is just too funny!
BTW, I meant to tell you how beautiful you guys look together 🙂
I’ll be looking out for your kwote!

OMG, I love this post! Although I plan to go back and read what your other readers have to say, I wanted to comment before reading so I wouldn’t be influenced. I met my current husband of 21 years when I was a young, single mom of two boys. What hooked me was how kind he was to my sons. Even my ex-husband approved! It’s been such a tough and rocky road. There are days when I want to throw in the towel. But the blessing of being with someone from the time you are young (and we were in our early to mid 20s) is this: You have grown and evolved with each other. You have children together. You remember how the other looked so awesome in a bikini or bathing suit before childbirth and age began to take its toll (shallow sounding I know, but when I look at home now, balding, pouch belly, I still see him back then). You remember. That is always what it’s about. You remember. And you love each other for the memories.

Thanks Kim! I do agree and tell Dwight all the time that we literally “grew up together” lol It’s a strange thing to think and that really is amazing that someone can know you for so long, through shifts and changes and still look at you at the core and say, “I love you.” That’s the wonderful part, and as you say, “you remember.” Yep. That’s it.

Awesome story. I think however it happens winds up being for the best. I’ve never been married, and I think that was for the best despite raising 3 children. I have more clarity now than ever before and I’m more aligned with the marriage I want – more than I’ve ever been. It’s good to appreciate the unfolding, no matter what it is because ultimately we will all have a perfect one.

Thanks luv! I totally agree. And I guess that’s what I was aiming for. We should all just let go sometimes and let life be the way they are (to a certain extent). Whatever has happened is always for our highest good, married or not.

Can we all “love” this instead of just hitting the “like” button? As much as I love reading the NYT wedding announcements, I also love reading about people who have long, lovely relationships and marriages.

Lovely post, Kathy and congratulations on your anniversary. A beautiful tribute to you both, so different in many ways but these differences has only deepened your love and respect for each other. Beautiful.

Our wisteria is now budding- we have violet and white. I’m being completely literal here- no hidden meaning about the state of my relationship, although on second thought, maybe there is? In my 20s I was too busy meeting the wrong people ha ha.

Ha! I’d forgotten that you actually have wisteria lol glad it’s growing nicely. Girl, I was busy meeting the wrong people too, I just went through them rather quickly – not sure how that might sound but hey, there’s my 99% truth for the day lol

I love this! Happy Anniversary you two! I met my husband in my 20s too, but it took us 7 years to actually decide to get married. It’s funny how when you start adulthood together the expectations are different. Like you, I have a husband that picks up the house and leaves car repairs to me.

Stealing a page from your book, I loved your quote “Our philosophies about a higher power developed and intertwined like violet Wisteria on a white trellis.” Just beautiful!

Thanks Johanna. Yeah I’ve watched a few friends and it’s like that list just keeps growing and growing and depending on the situation and age, the lost then has to be deleted line by line. Just curious…why 7 years?