Hey judges, 'tis of thee I moutza

Ruling against wearing stars-and-stripes shirts un-American

Former U.S. congressman Mel Reynolds pleaded not guilty in Zimbabwe to charges of possessing pornographic images. The charges were dropped. (PHILIMON BULAWAYO, REUTERS)

Samuel Francis Smith knew nothing about the February Moutza of the Month award that we solemnly bestow today.

That's because he lived long ago. It's also unlikely he used the moutza, the hand sign of my ancient Hellenic ancestors when wanting to denounce an idiot: the fingers spread wide, the palm aimed at some idiot, and the words "Nah!" or "Feesa etho!" (blow right here).

But he did write lyrics to an existing tune in 1832 that many Americans — those with and without knowledge of the moutza — learned to sing. I certainly learned it, as the son of immigrants. Perhaps you sang it, too.

We sang it in school every day as well as reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. The song begins "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing."

When I was a child, I sang it with gratitude. Now, perhaps, we should sing it with defiance, as every day it seems our liberties erode further.

Apparently, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, the wacky left-leaning court in California, never embraced the spirit of "My Country 'Tis of Thee."

The other day a three-judge panel of the court ruled that a group of Northern California students could not display a symbol because it was deemed too controversial to wear on T-shirts in an American public high school.

What is this dangerous symbol?

The American flag. The red, white and blue, the flag that Americans of all ethnicities have been dying for in the name of freedom for centuries.

The court sided with administrators at Live Oak High School who were worried that if some students wore American-flag shirts, it might spark violence between Latino and non-Latino students during Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

May 5 is widely reported as a day of Mexican independence, although it is not widely celebrated as such in Mexico. Just here. In America.

Yet rather than cancel Cinco de Mayo celebrations and incur a backlash, the administrators told the flag-wearing students to turn their shirts inside out or go home. The federal judges sided with the bureaucrats to ban the American flag from an American school.

But the judges aren't the only nominees for February.

"Every stinkin' month there are way too many in competition for this (dis)honor," writes reader John Kruser. "It's so hard to choose just one."

There's former U.S. Rep. Mel Reynolds, who was convicted years ago of the sexual abuse of a 16-year-old girl and was caught on tape trying to arrange sex with a 15-year-old Catholic schoolgirl, saying famously, "Catholic … Did I win the Lotto?"

Recently in Zimbabwe, he was arrested on pornography charges, with one local newspaper saying he was making movies. The porn charge was later dropped on a technicality, and he left the country after paying a $100 fine on an immigration charge. So we'll never know if the "talent" wore plaid skirts.

Hey, Mel Reynolds. Nah!

And let's also not forget the Copenhagen Zoo for killing poor Marius the non-breeding male giraffe, then chopping him up and feeding his parts to the lions in front of those innocent kids.

What angers me is that the Danes ripped off my idea from years ago, when a Brookfield Zoo giraffe died accidentally. I had hoped to use the gigantic neck bones to make a pasta sauce for the lions, a Hakuna Matata Alfredo.

So what if I haven't written about giraffe sauce for years? That was my idea. What right to the Danes have to it? I'm so mad I could tweet. But instead, I'll moutza:

Nah!

Illinois' auditor general reported last week that Gov. Pat Quinn's $50 million violence prevention program did not account for where much of the money was spent. The program began just a few weeks before the polls opened during Quinn's last campaign for governor. As if by coincidence, Quinn got out the vote and won the election.

Gov. Quinn, when you leave the impression that our tax money has become a political slush fund, you deserve a double moutza, a two-hander, multiplied by $50 million. Nah!

Conservative rocker Ted Nugent, famous for killing herbivores with sharp projectiles, referred to President Barack Obama as a "subhuman mongrel."

"I still love him," said Jeff Nugent, of his brother's remarks that became public in February, "but this time he's clearly crossed a line."

Ted Nugent, I'll defend to the death your right to say it. So I hope you'll defend to the death my right to give you a big fat moutza, since you're a fool and deserve it. Blow right here, Ted:

The black robes of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals are federal judges. And telling Americans not to display the American flag because it might cause problems threatens all of us.

It is our American flag. We can wear it when we choose. And all other arguments stop right there.

The judges not only forgot "My country 'tis of thee," they forgot what country they live in. So let's open our palms, spread our fingers, and award the February Moutza of the Month to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals.

Your honors, take this:

Nah!

And while you're singing "land of the pilgrim's pride," do me a favor?