Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I made it to the beach, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina a couple of weeks ago. This is the place where I feel most at home, most relaxed, most content. Not necessarily Myrtle Beach, any beach, anywhere. It's been five years and so long overdue and all I can say is...ahhh.

I feel so much better.

This older gentlemen walked the beach everyday, same time every evening. I can think of nothing I'd like better when I'm his age.

Watching the seagull, watching the waves.

The sweetest sister in the entire universe, my sister, Pammy.

The boardwalk.

This is my, youngest, Sara. She was so pleasant, so easy-going and so much fun for the entire trip. Stevey couldn't make it because she's having her own beach time in Los Angeles while she's interning at Current/Elliott.

My Mom, on the left, and her sister.

My beautiful nieces.

Did I mention it was a girls only trip?

This visit ought to hold me over for another year. I'll never let this much time pass between beach trips.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Being a mother is no cake walk. Most of the time, your heart is stuck in your throat and your mind just reels and reels at what you should do, could have done better, pledge to do better in the future. These little people and the incredible responsibility they bring is almost too much to bear at times. But we do. We bear them, carry them, comfort them, encourage them, lecture them, and maybe, sometimes yell at them. All this in the midst of trying to keep your head together, the bills paid, a roof over their heads, dealing with your boss, keeping food on the table and shoes on their feet. Those kids are the center of your world, even though, you know that one day they will leave. That's the goal. To send them flying. To give them enough guts and courage to test their wings. To fly on their own. And hopefully, to fly to places you never even imagined they would go. To fly to places you wish you'd had the courage to fly to.

And one day, if you're lucky, they do.

They fly.

And you sit back and observe with a big, fat grin on your face. And you see that they are more than what you hoped for. That they are different, apart, from yourself. And while they grow up and are still full of doubt and questions about life and the future, you know. You know that somewhere along the way, you did something right. You know that they will be okay. You know that you, in some way, had a part in this amazing, complicated, talented, compassionate human being.

These are two of my three kids. My girls. The one in the back, Stevey, is working her way through a design internship this summer in LA. She's only 19 and even though she was my most fearful child, would walk up 10 flights of stairs instead of riding the elevator, she moves forward in spite of those fears. She's accomplished so much in the one short year since she left for college.

The one in the front is Sara. She detests exercise. She just graduated high school and is on her way to college in a couple of months. As you can see, she's more laid back, she takes a different approach to life. She's smart as a whip but not in a hurry. I have no doubt that she will get to where she wants but she'll take a different route than her sister. Maybe more detours, maybe not. Night and day, these girls. And I love that about them. I love that they contrast and compliment each other. I love that where one is strong, the other is weak, and vice versa. And I love that they lean on each other and have learned to accept their differences.

They are fiercely independent and strong. So much more so than I was at their ages. So yeah, I'm kind of proud. And now I'm sitting here with a big, happy grin on my face while I sit and watch them fly.