I feel like a rat stuck in a trap. Long documented history of abuse yet I always forgave and wished for better. Still wish the best for my ex to lead a peaceful life. Many issues here including non disclosure despite being court ordered. Discovering a double life and secret children. Hidden assets. The best one is the parental alienation allegation. Currently have a peace bond and exchanging kids through a supervised access centre. He files a motion for increased access accusing me of holding kids back a day after I offer joint custody based on the current access regime. wt*??? Now he's after sole custody. Some history here ....he abandoned us the day of the birth of our second child. Returns a few months later to reconcile. Then he gets arrested and precludes himself from his children's lives for months on his own accord. Tells the courts that I was keeping kids away. The truth is I was negotiating access arrangements through my lawyer. We finally reached an agreement 10 months later for weekend visitation. I'm scared of his lies and legal bullying. Any suggestions?

If you were negotiating access through a lawyer, you should have a paper trail. To prove his case he will have to prove you were withholding access and/or poisoning the kids against their father. The former should be fairly easy to disprove with your paper trail. Your offer of joint is also valuable.

... (insert complaints as common as teeth here) ... The best one is the parental alienation allegation.

Remember anyone can alledge what they want in an affidavit. The other party in the matter could aledge that you are a raving Satanist without any evidence other than their own personal opinion.

Just like I have not accepted your opinioned evidence on "abuse", which is a statement as common as teeth made on this forum, so too can the other parent claim nonsense.

So, I wouldn't fret about what anyone puts in an affidavit. Just because you put a paragraph into an affidavit and "swear" it is "the truth" it doesn't mean it is "the truth".

Quote:

[23] I do not intend to summarize all of the evidence I heard and read at this trial in search for the elusive “truth” of this family’s history. I have indeed considered all of the evidence which the parties ably marshalled at the trial, in arriving at this decision.

[24] This decision will not vindicate one parent and disparage the other. This family did not get to where they are by the simplistic analysis presented by the father, which is, but for the mother’s bad behaviour the father would have a perfectly wonderful relationship with his three children. No, the issues in this family are far more complex and subtle than that. The “truth” will not set this family free, because there is no one single truth. Only the parties, working together in a therapeutic setting, can set this family free.

Quote:

Originally Posted by drainedbysystem

He files a motion for increased access accusing me of holding kids back a day after I offer joint custody based on the current access regime. wt*???

[12] The difficulty with the term “abuse”, as it is used in affidavits filed in family law cases, is that it is used subjectively. It is an emotionally coloured term. It is not limited to describing physical violence but may be also be used to describe a range of conflicts including arguments, differences of opinion or values, or hurt feelings. For example, one partner may consider himself or herself as a good money manager while the other partner may perceive close budgeting as coercive control. One partner may consider an end-of-day inquiry about how the other spouse’s day went as an indication of love or interest while a disaffected spouse may deem the inquiry intrusive and controlling.

[13] Allegations of abuse may be a symptom of the failure of a relationship. Blame is an inherent part of the allegation. Sometimes it is wholly warranted; other times it is not. When parties are not communicating, any slight or criticism is magnified. There is a tendency to minimize the other spouse’s good qualities and maximize the bad. Warring spouses are rarely in a position to step back and evaluate the other’s behaviour with objective eyes. Nor are they able to critically assess their own behaviour...

To further on the point (#12 and #13) from case law is that the same can be said about the term "abuse" can be said about "parental alienation".

I enjoyed reading Tayken's post above. Food for thought. I also think it is interesting that many individual's paint the ex as an abuser, incompetent, deceitful, etc and then in same breath justify their own position and actions by providing they offered ample access or joint custody. Lots of sucking and blowing going on there....

I enjoyed reading Tayken's post above. Food for thought. I also think it is interesting that many individual's paint the ex as an abuser, incompetent, deceitful, etc and then in same breath justify their own position and actions by providing they offered ample access or joint custody. Lots of sucking and blowing going on there....

LOL, You are very correct with that statement. Nothing but contradictions over and over again. Although it is very hard to not want to retaliate with evidence to prove anything otherwise it becomes redundant and not with the headache in the end. Let the Ex dig their own hole.

Thank you all for your replies. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes or opinion is greatly valued. In terms of the abuse it goes way back. First time i reported it to the police was 20 years ago. Attached that police report to my pleadings. In it the officer states that I declined to make a statement against my former spouse and declined photographing my injuries. I didn't co operate with the police back then. I was young, terrified, and in shock. The next police report is when he breached his bail conditions and started stalking me. Police then arrested him again outside my front door. Next police report was in 2005 and he fled the scene when the police arrived. I was preassured by my family not to have him charged and did not make a statement. The police had me sign the report anyway based on what they saw at the scene. Broken household items etc. He also admits to taking my vehicle following that arguement and feels justified in his actions. He walked out on us and I was forced to apply for social assistance for a few months. I attached a letter from social services to my pleadings as well. I used to have a fantastic career in investment banking prior to having children. That was the most embarassing moment in my life. So needless to say there's alot of documentation to show that he was physically violent, financially abusive, and above everything else an irresponsible dad. Thats the past. I have currently enrolled into a college program to upgrade my skills for re entry into the work force. I want him to have a relationship with his kids and truly try to accomodate him. We missed a couple of weekends with the access centre (sick kiddos) and I have always made those visits up by offering "my weekends". I'm a reasonable individual.
My past relationship with him has nothing to do with our kids. Our kids need him as much as they need their mom. I'm not sure this joint custody thing is going to work with all the anger on his part. I am flexible with access and he can have as much time as he wants. Not confident with his current behaviour to make decisions for the children.

If you were negotiating access through a lawyer, you should have a paper trail. To prove his case he will have to prove you were withholding access and/or poisoning the kids against their father. The former should be fairly easy to disprove with your paper trail. Your offer of joint is also valuable.

How did you respond to his request for increased access?

Yes indeed I have that paper trail. I consented to the increased access by way of offer to settle. Why engage in a war. Taking the higher road always pays off....

Kids missed access because they were sick? Did they have meningitis? A sick kid can continue for access... and BOTH kids were sick at same time? So sick they couldn't see their dad on SEVERAL occasions? This sounds suspect.

The abuse you say you didn't pursue - if police thought he was abusive THEY MUST pursue charges. It isn't your choice to pursue or not... again your statements are suspect.

He won't let go of the past? Sweetheart - that is ALL you have been talking about!

The abuse you say you didn't pursue - if police thought he was abusive THEY MUST pursue charges. It isn't your choice to pursue or not... again your statements are suspect.

Back in the day, this wasn't the case......

But what happened a long time ago doesn't have much relevance anymore. People can change.

I agree about the sick kids part. OP, unless the child so sick that the doctor recommends that the kid not go and signs a note stating as much, the child is supposed to go. Part of being a parent is caring for a child when they are sick as well as healthy. Being simply being sick is not a legitimate reason to deny access.