Beekeeper: Let's do saddle up and go learn that gentleman his mannersDavy Crockett: We won't have to. He's wearing out horses coming towards usBeekeeper: Guess we can't stop him from coming. But I reckon we can arrange for him to limp going back

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of Warren Park in Burleson, Texas.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Sarge, who was visiting from Portland, Oregon.Sarge: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I wasassured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI #1 - ERIN'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...Judge #1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.Judge #2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.Judge #3 (Sarge) -- Holy crap, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. It took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI #2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...Judge #1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.Judge #3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.CHILI #3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...Judge #1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge #2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.Judge #3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nosefeels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. The barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting wasted from all of the beer.

CHILI #4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...Judge #1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge #2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.Judge #3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'meating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?CHILI #5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...Judge #1 -- Meaty - strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.Judge #2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.Judge #3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. To heck with those rednecks.CHILI #6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...Judge #1 – Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge #2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic - Superb.Judge #3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I messed myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. I can't feel my lips anymore. I need towipe my arse with a snow cone.CHILI #7 - AGGIE'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...Judge #1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.Judge #2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3.He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.Judge #3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full oflava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.CHILI #8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...Judge #1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too hot, bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.Judge #2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonderhow he'd have reacted to really hot chili?Judge # 3 - No Report

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself - Mark TwainXL, Small, and Mini BGE

"touche, Egg" - - hadn't thought of that in years - - - always good for a good laugh

OUP

Beekeeper: Let's do saddle up and go learn that gentleman his mannersDavy Crockett: We won't have to. He's wearing out horses coming towards usBeekeeper: Guess we can't stop him from coming. But I reckon we can arrange for him to limp going back

chili in Spanish means pepper, so chili con carne means pepper with meat, there you have it, the tomatoes and onions and garlic are just fixins, and I did not see beans or frijole in there anywhere, on this forum you will or at least should find tastes from many different preferences...Welcome to the forum if I have not already done so...

I have a coffee grinder dedicated to grinding chilis and spices.. Have found the ancho chili the dominant chili in my recipe. Be aware ancho chilis have a wide range of flavors and potency dependant on where they came from, drought conditions and other factors much like your common jalapeno pepper some of which eat sweet as an apple and others that'll scorch you from stem to stern.

The pasilla pepper is always in my chili. Also, I fresh grind the cumin seed; HUGE difference in flavor.

would Y'all quit it you're making me hongry fer Chili and it's too dang Hot for it

(hmmm, now where did I put that ground venison?)

OUP

Beekeeper: Let's do saddle up and go learn that gentleman his mannersDavy Crockett: We won't have to. He's wearing out horses coming towards usBeekeeper: Guess we can't stop him from coming. But I reckon we can arrange for him to limp going back

Beekeeper: Let's do saddle up and go learn that gentleman his mannersDavy Crockett: We won't have to. He's wearing out horses coming towards usBeekeeper: Guess we can't stop him from coming. But I reckon we can arrange for him to limp going back

the peppers temperature depend on the weather where they were grown, hot and dry equals hotter peppers...me I use chicken or beef stock in my chili depending on what I am cooking, and I do not compete at all.but I have been known to drink a beer or two... where was your mother raised? me near Del Rio..I have heard, that the more curl the pepper stem has the hotter it will be... the jury is still out on that one though

Op you say they never taste the same, I'm also like that because I don't usually use quantities. I go from past experience and what's in my noggin. As for chillies my wife grows them here. Springs just around the corner so propagating coming up. I know she grew the worlds hottest chillies.freezers full from last year, well 1/4 full, I use a bit plus she makes a chilly jam our kids love.