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en-usCopyright 2015 AOL, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/12/22/wiikly-wares-phantasy-star-iv-faces-tiki-towers-fun-fun-mini/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/12/22/wiikly-wares-phantasy-star-iv-faces-tiki-towers-fun-fun-mini/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/12/22/wiikly-wares-phantasy-star-iv-faces-tiki-towers-fun-fun-mini/#commentsFiled under: Nintendo Wii

For Christmas 2006, Nintendo gave us Super Mario Bros., Street Fighter II, Super Castlevania IV and an overpriced R-Type. Last holiday, we got Blades of Steel, Rolling Thunder 2 and Donkey Kong Country 3. This year's gifts from Nintendo are one decently sized retro outing and two stocking stuffers.

WiiWare

Tiki Towers (RealArcade, 1 -2 players, 500 Wii Points): Think World of Goo, but less sticky and with more bananas. Worth noting that the game is also available on the iPhone, without multiplayer but at only $0.99. Video of the game embedded after the break.

Phantasy Star IV (Sega Genesis, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): This marks the last in the series on Sega's console, before remakes hit the PlayStation 2 and the whole series went online. The only way for Virtual Console to go now is backwards, as we still haven't seen Phantasy Star I come out.

Before we get to the actual information, we have to take a moment to give Curtis his promised momentary fame for coming up with the name for this weekly feature. So without further ado:

CURTIS!

Now, with that behind us:

Strong Bad Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough (Telltale Games, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): In this final (for this season, at least) installment, Strong Bad does battle with Trogdor. Our money's on the dragon with a man's arm.

Big Kahuna Party (Reflexive Entertainment Inc., 1-4 players, 700 Wii Points): "So, it's a match three game with a few bells and whistles, how much do we think we can get away with charging? Pearson?"

"Umm, how about eight dollars?"

"Well, let's not go crazy."

Enduro Racer (Sega Master System, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): We like Enduro Racer, if for no other reason than the title espousing the value of endurance over speed. "Just hang in there," Enduro Racer says, "just hang in there and you'll eventually finish the race." That's the kind of tortoise-beats-hare logic we can get behind.

We'd like to begin this new feature, this amalgam of new offerings on the Virtual Console and WiiWare by asking for your help: We really need a catchier title than "Wii Post." Sure, it's practical, but it's not exactly "sticky," to drop some marketing lingo on you. Leave a great new one as a comment on this post and you'll win momentary fame and the satisfaction of a job well done.

WiiWare:

Bruiser and Scratch (Steel Penny Games, Inc., 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): Bruiser and Scratch is a game about a dog and a cat who solve mysteries together. In addition to its irrefutably ridiculous premise (a dog and a cat working together?), B&S also features the above image, which is literally a screenshot from the game.

Hockey Allstar Shootout (Big Blue Bubble Inc., 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): You can't trust two-thirds of this game's title: This isn't actually a hockey game -- just a collection of player vs. goalie encounters -- and there are no allstars. So, with the WiiWare press release apparently penned by an unreliable narrarator, we're left with more questions than answers. Are there actual shootouts? Is it really 500 points? There's really no way to tell at this point.

Virtual Console:

Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (Sega Master System, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Yeah, we know, we could have sworn this was already on Virtual Console too. [Update: Oh, that's right: It totally was. Update 2: Yes, we know they're different games. We just wanted everyone to know they're not hallucinating.]

Next week, we'll be switching formats so the WiiWare and Virtual Console posts will be combined. Let's take a quick look at the games that prompted the move: The final, breathtaking solo salvo from WiiWare Weekly.

Space Invaders Get Even (Taito, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): It's completely antithetical to the whole spirit of the WiiWare Weekly post, but we're going to going ahead and admit that, judging from this YouTube review, SIGE, which lets you destroy a city as the titular invaders, actually looks pretty fun. Thanks for messing up our last hurrah, Space Invaders.

This week's WiiWare titles serve as a great example of the best and worst that the service has to offer.

Strong Bad Episode 4: Dangeresque 3 (Telltale Games, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): Don't be confused by the subtitle, you didn't miss Dangeresque 1 and 2. After three Strong Bad episodes, you know what to expect. This time, dying is not on the menu ... again. Dangeresque 3 was originally set to debut June 2004 in 3D but was delayed for unspecified reasons.

Target Toss Pro: Bags (Incredible Technologies, 1-16 players, 700 Wii Points): It's no (Beer) Pong Toss, but paying $7 for a game simulating the tossing of a bean bag (known formerly as Cornhole in parts of the country) is a bit ridiculous, especially when the price of building your own Cornhole game is considerably less. Just because there's some real-life arm swinging involved doesn't mean you can tack on a Wii remote and charge for it.

These two entries to the WiiWare have been on Earth for a little over three hours now, so we're going to dispense with making any effort to educate you about them, and just skip right to the making fun of them.

Brain Challenge (Gameloft, 1-4 players, 1,000 Wii Points): This has been one of our favorite cellphone pastimes for ages now. So, if you use your Wii as a cellphone, we don't think you should pass it up. Also, (4) Pepsi Pete: The Podracing Penguin.

Finding a way to combine pinball and H.R. Giger, Alien Crush Returns (Hudson Entertainment, 1-4 players, 800 Wii Points) is now available on WiiWare. The remake to 1988's Alien Crush has you facing off against insectoid monsters from outer space, using only your flippers and a large metallic sphere. Sonic Spinball would be proud.For the more faint of heart, this week also introduces to WiiWare Home Sweet Home(Big Blue Bubble Inc., 1 player, 1000 Wii Points), based on the casual PC title. It's all about bringing out the aspiring interior designer inside you, for when you want to live vicariously through the TV instead of getting off the couch to redecorate your actual living room.

Art Style: ROTOHEX (Nintendo, 1-2 players, 600 Wii Points): Anotherentrant from the Japanese bit generations collection. Formerly known as DIALHEX, the game is essentially a stripped-down version of Hexic.

Let's not waste time with pleasantries, dear reader. It's Monday, there's WiiWare, this is it:

Tetris Party (Tetris Online, Inc., 1-6 players, 1,200 Wii Points) -- The list of "Types of Party Invitations We Would Decline" is surprisingly short. There's "murder party," "fat person key party," and "Tetris party." That doesn't necessarily mean, however, that we would decline a game based on the subject. Especially when, like this one, it looks really solid.

The Incredible Maze (Digital Leisure Inc., 1 player, 500 Wii Points): According to Nintendo, you navigate mazes in this game with the Wiimote or, if you prefer, the Balance Board. We say "according to Nintendo" because after looking at these actual, real screenshots, we refuse to believe this is being released for a console made in the last ten years.

We don't have much to say about this week's WiiWare release of World of Goo (2D Boy, 1-4 players, 1,500 Wii Points) because, quite frankly, it might actually be good. While great for Wii owners, it makes the weekly announcement post quite boring.

We have even less to say about this week's other WiiWare offering Art Style: CUBELLO (Nintendo, 1 player, 600 Wii Points) since, much like last month's Art Style: ORBIENT, there's virtually nothing on the internet about it that we can find. From the official description, it sounds like Cubello might be a remake of the bit Generations title Coloris. Is this and Goo enough of an incentive to finally give Mega Man 9 a break?

You know the great thing about writing about WiiWare every week? Often, the comedy writes itself. Let's take a look at the description for Midnight Bowling (Gameloft, 1-4 players, 800 Wii Points) shall we? "Plunge directly into the trendy and electric atmosphere of Midnight Bowling. With awesome playing sensations, prepare for ultra-fun gaming thanks to a new physics engine that lets you control your throws precisely and easily with your Wii Remote." Controlling bowling ball throws with the WiiMote? Let us be the first to say: Finally. (Comedy bonus: The description also boasts you'll be playing in "the trendiest bowling spots on the planet" which is a little like bragging that you give the world's most pleasurable spinal tap.)

Also, there's MadStone (Riverman Media, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points), the true glory of which you can only appreciate with the post-break video.

God, this just keeps getting better. We thought that last week was the best example of a known quantity trying to sneak its creepy friend past the bouncer and into Club WiiWare, but it's been absolutely topped.

On the one hand, you have Bomberman Blast (Hudson Entertainment, 1-8 players, 1,000 Wii Points) all decked out in his finest suit. He's making eyes at the ladies and he just bought Cristal for everyone in the club. He's the superstar and he knows it.

Then we have Art Style: ORBIENT (Nintendo, 1 player, Rated E for Everyone, 600 Wii Points) which we can find practically nothing on. Seriously. GoNintendo has a single screen shot and Silicon Era thinks it's a Bit Generations game. And that's it. To continue the above analogy, Art Style: ORBIENT is the equivalent of the Little Rascals standing on each others shoulders in a trench coat, and insisting to the bouncer that they're "a real grownup who just wants to drink all the beer and kiss pretty ladies."

We knew that today would be the day, but still, it feels a little momentous: We, the one-man staff of WiiWare Weekly, are proud to announce ... that there's a good, exclusive game on WiiWare: Mega Man 9(Capcom, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points) will be available at noon today. Yeah, it's only exclusive for three days, but it's exclusive for now, and you can't take that away from us.

As if to counterbalance the modicum of confidence we can place in WiiWare with Mega Man's arrival, he'll be showing up with (we kid you not) PLÄTTCHEN twist 'n' paint (Bplus, 1-8 players, Rated E for Everyone, 1,000 Wii Points) in tow. According to the release, you'll (we're still not kidding), "Play as one of the countless FantasyMEs and fight as an astronaut, butterfly, car or football against sharks, cowboys, asteroids and skulls in numerous, fabulous fantasy Worlds."

... When Haley Joel Osment finally finishes that biopic about the brilliant yet cripplingly autistic boy who manages to create a WiiWare game every week, we imagine the part where his game PLÄTTCHEN twist 'n' paint is released with Mega Man 9 will be the equivalent of "the big game."

The other thing you won't be doing? Having any inkling of what Potpourrii (Abstraction Games, 1-2 players, Rated E for Everyone, 800 Wii Points) is. Here, from its (unedited) description in the official Nintendo release:

"For centuries, the seasons have followed a set pattern. But then things start to go awry in the forest. Suddenly it's snowing while the sun shines and flowers bloom while leaves are falling. Then a strange purple goo appears. The leprechauns are stunned. Even worse, the magic oak of life loses its power. It all turns out to be the fault of an evil wizard."

Later, it mentions the word "puzzle," but our reading comprehension abilities were already torn asunder at that point. If you can handle it, check out an ad for the game after the break.

What's the problem with not having demos for WiiWare games like Groovin' Blocks (Empty Clip Studios, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points)? It forces you, the consumer, to make your purchasing decision based on a game's name (which, let us remind you, is "Groovin' Blocks") or on a short gameplay clip like the one after the jump, which you should watch only if your Monday morning is just a bit too exciting and you need to slow things down a bit.

Armed with both of these tools, we assume you'll come to the same purchasing decision as the rest of the planet.

Here's a great example of why you shouldn't sleep in. Every week, Nintendo sends out a release about its new downloadable game offerings of the week. My dear, close friend Ross, still flush with joy from his trip to PAX, gets to the email first and ends up writing about the Virtual Console release, the totally awesome Super Mario RPG while I, still groggy from choosing a Sunday night to make myself the Mayor of Lower New Drunkington, get to write about the WiiWare side of the coin: My Aquarium (Hudson Entertainment, 1 player, 500 Wii Points).

So, here we go: My Aquarium is a virtual aquarium, similar to a real aquarium in every way except that it never forces you to teach your children complicated and often troubling lessons about death.

We don't have any idea if Helix(1 player, Rated E for Everyone, 1,000 Wii Points) will be fun or responsive. We don't know if there's enough for the money, or if it's mind-bogglingly buggy. All we know is that the rhythm-music game (developed by Ghostfire Games) allows you to follow along with an onscreen robot as you dance in time with 26 different songs and (in the process) get a little exercise.

We don't know much about how good Helix will be. But what we do know is that it's different. And for a service that (with few exceptions) has become something of a dumping ground for cast-offs and cash-ins, that's just about the most refreshing thing we can imagine.

WiiWare, apparently exhausting itself by being worthwhile last week, has returned to its tried-and-true policy of being completely unworthy of your attention. This week, we've got Gameloft's Midnight Pool (1-2 players, 800 Wii Points), which promises to introduce you to the "coolest players on the circuit" while making no mention of Wii-specific motion controls. Awesome.

This would be lame any other week, but consider that the Virtual Console got another sub-par pool game last week and it's downright sad.

The untamed wilderness that was the American west in the 19th Century was tough, mister. You never knew when a balloon with dynamite attached to it would float up from the ground and try to attack, not to mention the giant flying sheriff's badges. Purple kamikaze midgets were around every corner, and you couldn't walk 10 feet without getting sombreros thrown at you.

Now, there's a game that captures the West, the real West in all its hat-tossing, purple-kamikaze-midget-having glory: Wild West Guns (Gameloft, 1-2 players, 1,000 Wii Points). Eat your hearts out, Carradines David and Keith. Eat them right out.

Just when we uber-jaded game journalists start to think that there's nothing new under the fun, we always end up getting surprised in the oddest places. Like today, Oxygen Games has presented us with an entirely new genre with today's WiiWare addition: Pirates: The Key of Dreams (1-4 players, 1,000 Wii Points), a "frantic nautical shooter."

We were dying to know what that could mean, that is, until we heard the game's intro music, at which point were were simply dying. After a lunge for the mute button, we were actually pretty intrigued by what we saw. Do you think you might be open to some "frantic nautical combat"?

Talk about your emotional roller coasters. We spoke just yesterday of our attempts to bring Pogs back into the public consciousness, so a brief glance at this week's WiiWare title, SPOGS Racing (1-2 players, 1,000 Wii Points), filled our hearts with glee. But just as we made bids on every eBay Pogs lot we could find we re-read the title and started praying that someone out there was willing to pay more than $23.50 for an Alf Slammer.

So, apparently, SPOGS have nothing to do with Pogs, except in the fact that they're both disc shaped and that you likely have a minimum of interest in them. So ... moving on.

Video game fans are known to complain about pre-game hype, but, if you would indulge us, we'd like to invite you, Rod Serling-like, to enter into a world where there is no hype: It's called WiiWare. And in this bizarre alternate dimension, games are released with no fanfare and very little information about their actual contents. Take, for instance, today's release:

Magnetica Twist (Nintendo, 1-4 players, 1,000 Wii Points): It sounds quite a bit like the marble-matching gameplay of the DS Magnetica, but with a Mii of your choice manning the marble-blasting cannon. ... So wait, they're allowed to use Miis in games? News to us. You'll have to decide for yourself if this innovative new Mii-in-game technology is worth $10.

It's Monday morning, and right on schedule, WiiWare has popped out yet another offspring, this time care of developer High Voltage. And while the company continues to preach the high-end merit of Nintendo's console, its latest aims to keep things small and shooty, just how we like them. Check out the trailer after the break.

Gyrostarr (High Voltage Software, 1-4 players, 700 Wii Points): Think of it as Tempest, only, you know, not. High Voltage's love affair with the Wii doesn't begin and end with The Conduit, as the developer this morning dropped its "sci-fi" shooter Gyrostarr onto the service. Offering 50 procedurally generated levels and both motion-sensitive and traditional controls, the game promises to give up to four trigger-happy players plenty to shoot at and items to collect, while aiming for that next elusive warp gate and just one more manic stage.

Far too often we don't know what the heck we're looking at when we load up the new WiiWare entries for the week, so it's nice to see some familiar names this week. You're sure to remember Block Breaker Deluxe from its appearance on cell phones all over this great land. And Cocoto Fishing Master originally appeared on the PS2. Welcome home, guys, welcome home.

Block Breaker Deluxe (Gameloft, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): They say: "Prepare for the frenzy of the coolest block-breaker game ever. Block Breaker Deluxe is a reinvention of the classic arcade brick-breaker game with a trendy graphical style, fun atmosphere and an exclusive multiplayer mode. Lively characters and amazing graphics provide distinctive settings of the jet-set nightlife, including a cool bar, dance club, casino and more." We say: If you wanted to pay $8 to play Arkanoid, you should just invent a time machine and go buy it in the Sears bargain bin in 1986.

Cocoto Fishing Master (Neko Entertainment, 1 player, Rated E for Everyone, 700 Wii Points): They say: "Welcome to the adventures of Cocoto, Fishing Master. Get ready for a completely new experience on Wii. Play the role of Cocoto and travel the world to find five millennial fish. Only they can stop the magic cauldron from overflowing with lava and prevent the world from being destroyed. Thanks to Cocoto Fishing Master for Wii, fishing has never been such fun. Use the Wii Remote[TM] and Nunchuk[TM] controllers like a real fishing rod to catch more than 30 different fish." We say: At least it's a buck cheaper than Arkanoids: Urban Nights.

So I log on to WiiWare this afternoon, and what do I see is the latest addition to the service? My Pokémon Ranch. A jolt of fear shot through me. "How did they find it?!" I shouted aloud. "Was it the FCC? The SEC? I know they've all been looking for My Pokémon Ranch, but I never thought it would come to this!" I had just called my secretary Beverly to warn her and to order her to start putting Caterpies into the shredder before the Feds got to them when I realized my error.

Apparently, My Pokémon Ranch (Nintendo, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points) is a game that lets you introduce your Miis and your Pokémon (they can be imported from Pokémon Diamond and Pokémon Pearl) and allow them to hang out together. It is not, literally, my Pokémon ranch, though I think it's an error that anyone could make. But don't worry, the shredding was promptly halted.

We thought about putting the kibosh on these WiiWare updates until we get the one game that we're ALL waiting for: Major League Eating. But it's Monday morning, so we've got a lot of internet to fill and we imagine you have an equal amount of free time. So here we are.

Toki Tori (Two Tribes, 1-2 players, Rated E for Everyone, 1,000 Wii Points): Well, it's WiiWare's fourth week, and we're finally getting our first remake of a Game Boy Color game (confidence get!). In this puzzle/platformer, you'll collect eggs using zany items across 70 levels. A second player can join in by "drawing hints while you are playing." We hope this picture of an oversized penis helps you, partner, because that's what you're getting.

Protöthea (UbiSoft, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): Protöthea (as you can see here) is a top-down scrolling shooter from UbiSoft. In an effort to find more to say about it, the official Nintendo press release notes it "introduces new concepts to a beloved, classic game style while mixing genres and utilizing the full capabilities of the Wii console, from graphics to controls." What does that mean, exactly? We have no idea.

Here we are in the third week of WiiWare and we still feel like we aren't able to equip you guys and gals properly for your buying decisions. We feel pretty confident about Dr. Mario, if you aren't burnt out on it, but we have literally no clue about Family Table Tennis. Let us know in the comments if you give either one a spin.

Dr. Mario Online Rx (Nintendo, 1-4 players, 1,000 Wii Points): It's the classic Dr. Mario that you have played a thousand times love, wherein an Italian plumber tosses more pills then Amy Winehouse to practice medicine completely without a license. But Nintendo has added new multiplayer modes, including a Friend Battle Demo that you can play with someone who doesn't own the game.

Family Table Tennis (Aksys Games, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): You can probably figure out what to expect here. It's table tennis (though we don't know if it uses the Wiimote's motion sensing). What we'd like to bring up is this line from the press release: "Just like a real family, choose your character from a cast of four, which includes Daddy, Mommy, Sarah and Billy." What sort of Cold War-era ethics are you trying to impose on our families, Nintendo? Even more sinister is the release's insistence that the game includes "four table tennis-tastic stages." Table tennis-tastic? We don't care what anyone tells you, that collection of words and punctuation means nothing.

Did you think that WiiWare was done after one week? No such luck, nephew, the WiiWare is getting weekly updates, just like its older brother, the Virtual Console. Here's what's arriving this week:

Star Soldier R (Hudson Entertainment, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): Think of it as Star Soldier: Championship Edition. With its two- and five-minute time attack modes, this top-down shooter is all about trying to get the highest score in the shortest time. Just be aware that that's the whole enchilada. So if time attacks don't appeal to you, don't go in expecting story mode.Critter Round-Up (Konami, 1-4 players, 1,000 points): We know how awesome the name of new WiiWare release Critter Round-Up is, but before you rush out and download it, we thought a quick look at the description might be wise. "The critters have escaped, and the barnyard is in chaos! It's up to you to quickly corral the animals in this puzzle-action challenge. You'll have to mend fences in a hurry to keep all the critters safe and satisfied. ... So roll up those sleeves and grab a friend-those critters won't catch themselves." ... We know. Doubly awesome.