Balancing work and play while wearing many hats (I mean heels).

This world is crazy. After the tragic and terrifying events from the past weekend in Paris, I find myself turning on the news often, just to turn it off because it disgusts me and scares me at the same time.

I really try to find the good out there. But, when the TV, radio, social media and chatter is ever consumed by the doom and despair, pictures of horrors, stories of sadness, it is hard. Yes, sometimes it is hard to find the good in the world.

My little Lo Bug, as I like to call her, turns a whopping two months old today. Yes, I am shedding a tear as I write this. No, I am not dramatic and I am sure all my fellow mother friends out there can relate to this feeling. The feeling of time. Precious, precious time.

I can’t believe we have hit this milestone already. Looking back to the wee hours of the morning on December 20th, when she arrived, already feels so far away. Those first few days and weeks when I was really not sleeping, new to the whole motherhood gig and really just starting to get to know my baby, I like to refer to those days as the walking zombie phase. During those early days I paced the floor, doing the typical “mom” bounce that we all develop, shushing my crying little one, in sweats that I was going on day three of wearing (don’t judge!) and thinking… “I will never sleep again. I will never figure this out. I will never be myself again.”

Now I am eating those words and so many others.

“I will never sleep again!” Yes, yes you will. And, I have! Thankfully. No, it is not the same sleep as my childless self, but baby does adapt and start to get on a schedule. Some nights are better than others but you do find sleep as time progresses. At two months, I am still exhausted, and no, baby does not sleep through the night yet, but she is starting to sleep at longer stretches, giving me, some much needed shut eye.

“I will never breastfeed.”This was me prior to being pregnant and even for the first good half of my pregnancy. It wasn’t until I started reading (translation becoming a professional “Googler”) that I started to consider breastfeeding after learning about the benefits for both baby and Mom. I scheduled myself for a Breastfeeding Class during my pregnancy and that is what sealed the deal for me to give it a try. I am not advocating breastfeeding here. In fact, to be honest, I supplement baby Lo with formula as well. That is what works for me and you will find out what works for you too. However, I never thought I would do it, but here I am 8 weeks later, still going strong and actually enjoying.

“I will never give my baby a pacifier.” Really? Yes. I will admit that I actually thought and said this before. I always felt like a pacifier was an unnecessary soother and that there had to be other means to calm baby. HaHa – oh silly girl! Tell that to a Mom as she is trying to calm her precious baby that seemed to morph into a screech owl. Just kidding, people! I was also so fearful of starting a habit that I would eventually have to break. Guess what? I will cross that bridge when I get there, but for now, baby Lo is grateful for the binkie (what we call it around here in Mountain Maryland) and so am I!

“I will never figure this out.” Oh, my dear, yes, yes you will. I remember questioning everything I did. I think I texted my mother play by plays of every sound baby Lo made. I even recorded her hiccups once because they sounded so deep that I thought for sure something was wrong. I sent the video to my mother asking… “is this normal?” Then after she declared yes, I still asked baby Lo’s pediatrician TWICE, yes, two times people, in the same appointment. Oh, first time Mom worries. I am not over this hump yet, far from it, but my worries from yesterday subside for new worries, and you start to figure it out.

“I will never let my baby into my bed.” Baby has her bed. Mommy and Daddy have theirs. There is no mixing. I did not want again, a habit. Have you seen a cute little infant in sweet PJ’s with morning eyes and yawns starring at you from their bassinet or crib? Seriously, it is the sweetest thing! You want to swoop them up and squeeze them and snuggle all morning. And, that is just what we have done and do. It doesn’t get better. They get cuter! Now my mind thinks… they are only little once. Enjoy these moments. I think now is the part where I should state to learn about SIDS. Bringing baby into your bed does have its risks. You can learn more Here.

“I will never let myself go.” I did not realize pre-baby how much time baby takes from you. Doing my hair, make-up and getting dressed takes time. I will state again… it takes time. There are days when I debate how to use my “free” time to do dishes, laundry, watch an episode of Real Housewives or Gasp! take a nap. I threw this “I never” out the window the first week. Enough said.

“I will never put work on the back burner.” This one surprised me the most! During my pregnancy I was so proud to state, “I will take 5 weeks off and be back to work.” I thought I was superwoman. Many people questioned me and I quickly shot them down. Work needs me, I need work, I will be back just as soon as I can. After a surprise C-Section – Read Here – I was required to take at least 8 weeks. What I did not realize was how quickly I bonded with my baby and how being superwoman now has everything to do with her and being a Mom.

“I will never be myself again.” Oh, this one is a dozy. Hormones are raging the weeks after baby. Sleep, Ha! Who needs sleep? You feel so unlike your former self it is almost heartbreaking. Although, slowly glimpses of the old me started to shine through. The best part of this revelation for me is that my never statement is part true. “I will never be myself again” No, you will not. Why? Because you are a better you. I am a better me. Babies do crazy things to you. In a really, really good way.

Do you have any words you have eaten when you became a parent? Please share below!

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