This is the life of me, here and now. Wife, Mum of two beautiful ratbags, and trying to find me in there somewhere too! Blogging the thoughts and journey through PND that has me where I am today. This is the life of my Happy (and sometimes not so happy) Mayhem..

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I have to say that my experience as a parent so far has been amazing, but also disappointing. Not disappointed in my children, maybe disappointed in my self.. in the expectations that I had as a parent. I think I expected more of my self, and therefore more in return. But any mum who does not admit to feeling the same way at some point, sorry but I think you are lying! I feel terrible for saying aloud that I have been disappointed. Oh, I am sorry Rebecca, have the child giving gods not done enough to please you? I don't mean this in any diva type way. Tantrums, Pooy bums and the word NO being thrown in your face are all part of the journey as a parent. I guess I just did not expect such quantity.

I often looked at children in the shopping centre who were completely out of control and thought 'My children will be better disciplined', and yes in some cases that is true. Some children are out of control with parents who seem to be leading by example, and swear like a trooper by the age of 3, and those parents need a smack. But in many cases I now look at some parents and can see that they are well meaning and they do try.. but their best efforts seem to go to waste. I would like to think I am one of those parents. I have the most adorable little boy, who at the same time is completely out of control at times, can throw a tantrum that the most feral child would be jealous of and is already into the back chat before his 3rd birthday. And I keep wondering where I went wrong.. I imagined that all children have their days, but in general rules, discipline, and love would then in return provide a well behaved child.. WRONG!! I tell my self I am not failing in anyway, and I am trying everything in the book. Maybe I am doing something wrong, I am far from perfect, but I am yet to be given some constructive advice on where I am going wrong. However I am sure there are more mothers out there in the same situation.. after all, it is a child's job to make mothers feel like they can not do anything right.. right?

I expected to be a calmer and more laid back mum. I think I was calmer and more laid back before having kids, so expected that this would follow on through motherhood.. WRONG! I imagined making cookies of an afternoon with my kids helping.. this generally results in the decorations being eaten before I can get to them, or tantrums being throw because the kids cant have smartie number 55 because I think they have had far too many already. Most activities result in a tantrum or complete disinterest..

I laugh whenever I see the Woolworths ad on TV with the two kids playing nicely on the mat while mum cooks 'orange pasta' (ie: grated carrot).. This was a picture I once had before.. WRONG! In my house hold I head to the kitchen to start dinner, as I turn my back Lachie smacks MJ over the head, I put him in the corner which results in a mega tantrum that no doubt my neighbours know all about. So with the wonderful tune of screaming in the background I head back to the kitchen, MJ practically attached to my leg as she insists on me holding her ALL the time (this is the same child that hangs off my knees and crys when I try to go to the toilet), so now I have them both crying. Once the storm has cleared and I finally have dinner on the table, trying to find that last bit of energy to smile that I managed to get a relatively healthy meal on the table with veg hidden into the kids fav meal, I then get the 'I don't like this', 'Im not eating tonight', 'I will eat when you turn on my show' (yes, said from my nearly 3yo!).. that's it, I have nothing left to offer, I am mentally tired trying to please. So I continue to laugh at that ad. It is stupid ads like this that put such high expectations into mums. If we don't have that picture at lease once a week, we fail! And this is where I should smack my self for expecting more. Note to all future mums.. Don't have such great expectations. Live by the rule 'prepare for the worse and hope for the best'. I know all kids are not like this, but I know that many are.. am not saying to be negative, but a good sense of humour is definitely required!