This is an open journal of my experience coping with infidelity and sex addiction. Or...What To Expect When You Weren't Expecting.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” - Lewis B. Smedes

The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Bringing spiritual practices into my life

I've come quite a long way from my former fear and suspicion of any concept of a higher power. I've found that spiritual practices such as meditation, yoga and prayer to the god of my understanding result in peace and serenity in the face of that which is unknown and uncontrollable in life.

Spiritual practices form a structure that helps me stay present to my relationship with the God. Since I am not a monk, these practices have to fit into my already full life, so it's an ongoing challenge. But every new moment presents a new opportunity, and accepting less than perfect is another good spiritual practice for me.

One new practice I'm incorporating is a weekly 1-day fast. I use the lemonade recipe from the Master Cleanse (for no reason other than I don't really think it's healthy to go completely without calories/nourishment if one has a choice.)

I find that feeling hungry does two things: It gives me the chance to have feelings and not use food as a distraction or pacifier. And it reminds me of how grateful I am for everything I do have.

I am fasting today, and I am clear that life at this moment is good and that I am exactly where I need to be, and have everything I need to have, and that this has always been true even when I didn't know it.

About Me

Woman. Mid 40s. In this committed relationship since 1988. Married since 1997. Husband started seeking out lap dances to orgasm around 1994/95, hand jobs and blow job from prostitutes around 2001 when I was pregnant. Intercourse with prostitutes began in 2003, and was discovered June 1, 2007.

The Point of Marriage

"The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky." - Rainer Maria Rilke