Lately I have been thinking a lot about why humans are like they are and act like they do. There is so much pain and anger inside us. So much hidden away. So much fear. Fear of getting sick, fear of getting old, fear of dying. Fear of giving and receiving love. Love of the unconditional kind. Love that has nothing to do with race or gender. Love that has nothing to do with age.

Because of the education I am following I have to study animal behavior. I also have to see the similarities between wild and domesticated species. I consider humans as animals. So I started to think about our “wild” selves. What would they have been like? Like the ones in the animal kingdom we are genetically closest related to? The Gorilla, the Bonobo, the Chimpanzee, the Orangutan?

Here’s a theory of mine: I think we are like we are at the moment because we got separated from our own nature. From what we used to be when we were in touch with everything else. When we were one with all. Before we were born into this form. They say humans are different, even superior, from the other animals because we supposedly we are the only ones who have a self consciousness. They say because of that we are better. I beg to differ. If we are the only ones, and if this is better. If we would still feel one with all, we would not be destroying our fellow inhabitants of the planet; in fact we would not be destroying the planet. We would take things as they are, as they come. We would not worry about getting sick, or dying. Or growing old. We would respect each other for what we are.

Now, where did the separation come from? Why do we have a self consciousness? When I watch the animals with their offspring I often wonder. There is so much love and care for the little ones, but also a sense of awareness that if one couldn’t make it in the grown up world they would cut it of. This sounds harsh, but it is the way species have survived for a long time. They care for their young long enough until they are really ready to get out there on their own. Sometimes that is immediately after birth, sometimes it takes years! There are even species that are born without ever seeing their mother, but the mother has taken good care of where the nest is, and sometimes even protects it. Some mothers give the ultimate sacrifice by laying down their lives when laying eggs, or even be the first food for their offspring.

What do we do, in the so called Western, civilized world? You get pregnant, wanted or unwanted, planned or unplanned. Let’s say it’s wanted or planned, because you want to have children, but in fact you just feel the need to insure the species, your own genes. But you are in a loving monogamous relationship, or not, and you really think this will complete your life. Everything goes well, the pregnancy goes smoothly, and the baby is in perfect health and shape. Even in this phase we try to do everything possible in case anything goes wrong, and there is even talk about genetically altering your baby to make it healthy or even give it the looks you desire…. And then there is the birth of the child. In most cases nowadays this will take place in a hospital, no longer in the comfort of your own home. Just in case if anything should go wrong. And then the baby is there, if you are lucky it will be given to the mother immediately, but then it is taken away, cleaned up, dressed and given back to the mother. Maybe the first night. And from then on it is sleeping apart from the mother, even in another room. This is where the first separation takes place. Now, consider this. They are pretty sure new born babies do not have a sense of self yet; they felt one with the whom, with the mother. And when they are born they are taken away from that feeling of oneness, whilst they can’t feel the self yet. And they are put aside. They don’t feel safe. They cry. Mother (or sometimes someone else) comes to comfort you. You feel loved and safe. But then you are put aside again. And this goes on and on. This leaves a gap in your soul. Even breastfeeding isn’t very normal anymore. Instead you get something that is from another animal. You get stomach aches. But that is normal they say. The organs aren’t fully developed, they have to adjust. And then you even get needles into your body. With strange fluids that supposedly should prevent you from getting sick. And this goes on and on. People laugh at you when you make funny faces, when you are trying to mimic what you see. They say well done when you burp, or when you have defecated. And then you grow up. At a very young age most of the children are sent to a daycare centre. And after that to school. You have to start developing your intellectual intelligence. By doing that you get even more separated from you emotional intelligence. The things you used to see are disappearing. You have to start living by rules. Suddenly you shouldn’t burp anymore, they shout at you when you run around screaming and dancing, because you are trying to enjoy life. You should sit and obey. And learn all kinds of scientific stuff. Not about love and caring, no way. That gets pushed back further and further. This goes on beyond puberty. But you are beginning to feel these wholes, these gaps in your body. You don’t feel complete. You feel lost. So you try to compensate this with money, with material things, with alcohol, with drugs. With all kinds of addictions. Then you meet someone, you fall in love. In the beginning the world feels pretty and pink again, you feel loved! Because that is what life is all about isn’t it, being loved? You feel like a little child again. But soon you feel this feeling fading away. And then you are lost again, even more. Because you just don’t know what it is like to really love unconditionally. So you keep searching. You end up getting married (or not) and wanting to have a child of your own. Maybe this will fill the gaps. The wholes in your soul. And for a while it does. And you feel deep down that you want to do it differently then your parent(s) did. But because you are so disconnected from unconditional love you just don’t know how to make the changes, and this makes you insecure so you just do as everyone else and listen to the ones who have studied on this. Because intellectual intelligence is the most important in our society. You don’t know how to fill the gaps. So you put your baby in a day care centre and start working again. And trying to fill the gaps and the wholes in another way. And this goes on and on.

Animals don’t do this, they have to learn, sure. They have certain rules to live by, sure. This is for the survival of the species. And they are not insecure. They just listen to their instincts and above all take life as it comes. They have no need to fill gaps, for there are no gaps. They don’t have to genetically alter their babies, they don’t have to give them milk from cows or vaccinations. They get their initial immunities from their mothers, and from breastfeeding (in mammals) and then they develop their own immunities by going through certain illnesses. This is to make the species stronger. If it cannot survive the illness it dies. And they mourn their dead ones, as we do. But they go on, they have to. They know death is a part of life.

We have a self consciousness, we can think and reason, but if this makes us better then why are we afraid of letting life in just as it comes? We have placed God outside ourselves, we are looking for everything we hold inside in the wrong place. We idolize the ones that did know unconditional love and were able the heal themselves and others with that love. Like Jezus or Buddha. We no longer rely on our own gut feelings. We have become to dependant on our minds. We are afraid of dying. Because then it “ends”. If we have lived a good life we go to a nice place, if we have done “bad” things we end up in a bad place. I don’t think it works that way but that’s another story. We have been separated for so long it is hard to find the way back, but there are those who try. I just hope for mankind it isn’t too late.

As always, this is my way of thinking, it doesn’t mean I am right about this! It’s just the way I feel at this moment in time.

This is a new adventure for me. Writing blogs! Giving you a little peek into what’s going on inside my head. It’s a mess in there so maybe sometimes you aren’t able to follow. That’s ok. I can’t either 🙂

The next days I will try to find out how this all works and then I will cover you in useless crap about what’s driving me nuts everyday. What keeps me going. What keeps me sane or just drives me insane. About my passions, my deepest hopes, my darkest corners. That is…. if you are interested ofcourse.