Here we all were walking around secure in the knowledge that the universe is infinite and without end, only to be stunned to find out that the universe is probably not only not endless, but – yes! – shaped like a doughnut. And worse, a doughnut with “lumps in the cosmic gravy,” according to one report in The New York Times.

In other words, the universe might just be a giant food court in the sky – Dunkin’ Donuts and Arby’s in one place. No wonder we’re all getting fatter by the minute. And what kind of doughnut are they talking about – plain, glazed, twist, Krispy Kreme – what? It’s all very upsetting.

So, fearing that I’ve been living in a big cosmic cruller, I called astrophysicist Josh Bloom of the Harvard Society of Fellows for clarification.

His answer was humbling: “If the universe turns out to be a doughnut and not an infinite pancake,” he said, “I wouldn’t be too surprised; I prefer the former anyway.” Me, I like both – I just don’t want to live in one.