10 backhanded compliments I’ve been given on dates

When it’s not your family dressing up insults as compliments (you look well – I mean, you look healthy. Rounded in the face. You understand?), you can always rely on first dates to quash your self-esteem.

With Christmas and weight-gain just around the corner, I’ve rounded up my top ten backhanded compliments to prepare you for the New Year.

1. “If I was in a bar I’d normally go for the pretty blonde, but you were funny so I thought, why not?”

2. “I’d never meet anyone if I didn’t give people a chance. Think of it like this, you’re the ordinary and I’m the extraordinary.”

3. “I feel bad you’ve made an effort. I had a look through your Facebook photos and thought you dressed quite ‘boyish’, so I didn’t want to dress up too much.”

4. “Yes you have a big bum and thighs, but I like the whole ‘curvy girls’ thing.”

5. “I love that you’re wearing that coat; not many girls would be brave enough to wear something like that. You’re obviously very self-assured.”

6. “I mean personally I wouldn’t get a tattoo because I don’t like them and I find them quite tacky. Yours are cool though.”

7. “I’d describe my type as Italian: leggy, with dark eyes and long hair. I think it’s good you’re not necessarily my type.”

8. “You could eat most men under the table. It’s impressive.”

9. “You look really hot in that photo. Was it taken a while ago? Your boobs were huge.”

10. “I’m looking forward to spending more time with you. When you’re comfortable together the sex starts to get really good.”

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