Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Quick Links for March 4th

OK, actual post today. For those wondering, yesterday kicked ass. We drank 10 shots of tequila in just the first half hour. Took lots of pictures with hot women who wouldn't look at us twice if their bosses weren't paying them to pretend we have a shot. And El Duke got so drunk that he insisted a midget wrestler (Oh, did I forget to mention there was midget tag match?) punch him in the face. Twice. The first time he just did it for fun, then he realized he might want to record it for posterity's sake. So we got away with a lot of pictures, pretty gnarly hangovers, and a video of El Duke getting punched by a midget and him selling it like he got hit by a Mack truck. Oh and Quick Links!

Oh wow, the trustees are so giving. They took a Mormon pay cut! This fixes everything! Great way to lead by example guys. Or it's just an empty gesture in an attempt to appease critics. Which, and I know this is going to be shocking, isn't going to work. What they left out of the story is that 10% pay cut actually went into a pool that will go to the person who can go the longest without saying something about the economy.

Since the economy is cratering (fuck, there goes my $75) in part because people are freaking out after economists and consultants predictions for the future were way off, it totally makes sense that we're listening to these douchebags for help to get out of this crisis. We don't pretend to be economic/housing experts, but can't we all just agree we need to stop with the prediction game because none of us truly have any fucking idea what the future holds?

Really though, what these economists are doing is looking at history and stats and then just fucking guessing. It's like half of ESPN's programming except, you know, everybody's livelihood depends on it. And any jackass can take a shot in the dark. Watch.

I predict by this time next year our economy will be entirely dependent on inflatable furniture sales. And our currency will be Taco Bell sauce packets. Sounds pretty ridiculous right? Sadly, it's not nearly as ridiculous as Jeff Michael's (UOP's version of Stephen A. Smith) prediction for the housing market. From the linked article:

"Yet excess housing in this foreclosure period will be bought up next year, and expected population growth will renew the demand to at least 5,300 new homes a year to keep up, he said."

Within the next year? I guess economists don't have to take piss tests. I'm really curious as to who he thinks is going to buy the ridiculous amount of foreclosed homes in the area. No really, is some magic money fairy going to come by and give us all trees that sprout c-notes? Fuck, I could totally be an economist. I can take blind stabs at things and I hate jobs that drug test. I predict that the economy will recover on May 3rd at 3pm. Somebody cut me a consultant check please.

The big fear everybody had when Cal Trans decided to be dicks and break up the homeless camp on the largely unused land under the crosstown was that it would put the bums in a more dangerous position and that they'd probably have to cross the freeway to get to another camp. And well, exactly that happened. Apparently a life is an acceptable price to take care of a mild annoyance for the state. You stay classy California.

Ok, the convention hall is about to open up. I'm not sure if I could drink if I tried right now. I couldn't even finish my breakfast of a Whopper Jr. and fries. Although part of that was due to the fact that the O'Shea's Burger King is officially the only restaurant that doesn't do free refills. Because, you know, fountain sodas are really expensive. So, 10 feet away I could sit at a nickel slot and get free alcohol with free refills, but at a place where I actually bought a non-alcoholic drink that costs them less than a quarter a day to maintain I'm shit out of luck.

There was your classic meandering rant. I know you missed it. See you guys later.

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