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Saturday, December 26, 2015

Heartbreak...

I’m terrified
to post this because the person who this is About might read, so if you are,
uhm, hi. Sorry if this bother you but you once told me to forget what people
thiNk, to just write and not be ashameD of my blog.

This pAst
week I felt heartbreak. At least that whAt it felt like. You know, crying every
now and then, burning in your heart, Taylor Swift album on repeat and remembering
the small things. Heart break is what you Feel when you find his pIctures on
your phone, when his name is on your Snapchat story is that feeLing on your
chest when there are chances you could run into hiM on Saturday night at the
club. Heart break is me writing this.

I’m a cold
person, so to wArm up to someone it was one of the haRdest and strangest
feelings I experienced. I swore to myself at the beginning I will not allowed
myself to feel this. And another part of me was like “Nah, let yourself go.”
You might think, “Well you Probably hate yourself right now, but I dOn’t. It is
not only part of life but the writeR in me tells me to experience life aNd all
its feelings, right Now it is time to feel my heart breaking. Maybe in a few
months I will feel real love (not that I never love you, it was nOt love love,
at least it didn’t get there. I hope you understand what I felt because maybe,
you did too).

I will not
regret this feeling or whatever we had because after all I did learn
somethings. I learn to let myself go, and have fun. I learn to ignore what
others say and just do what makes me happy. I learn to see life different
because of this person. Isn’t strange what a person can teach us in a few
months? I also learn heart break, and how to deal with it, (Taylor Swift, a
party, and junk food are the key). But its part of life and life is not all sunshine and unicorns.

To all of
you experiencing this feeling I’m sorry to tell you that you will feel it in
the small things: you’ll haTe waking up and not finding his texts, you’ll miss
his videos and every time you eat donUts it will remind you of him. On the other
hand, I know that one day you will smile when you go back to the bar because of
the memories and not because it will remind you of this feeling. I know what
when you see him at the club or at a party you will smile at him and ask how
many Videos is he filming this week, insteAd of having your smile vanish the
moment you see him. I know that you won’t Curse him when you talk to his
friends, instead you’ll ask them how he is doing and if he is happy. I just
know heArt break is temporarily and one day it will be fine.

If you are
reading this (which a side of me doesn’t want you to, but another wants you to
know all of this), I hope you know how much I care for you, more than I ever
did for anyone-And I’m the type who cares about everyone- how I got worry every
night you went out and couldn’t sleep properly until I got the “I’m home” text.
How I always made sure you were breathing properly when you fell asleep. And
how I ran to help you that night they told me you were not doing good. Maybe he’ll
hate you for posting this, but like I said before: he told you not to be
ashamed and work on your blog. And here you are building the courage to write
and share your heart break story with the world, and with him.

Love

Pili

Ps: I wrote
this not for him but for myself and all my readers who understand this feeling