Fahd's Blog

Banish Your Inner Critic with Denise Jacobs

“Ninety-eight percent of people take little to no action on what they have learned, no matter how valuable it is, unless they have a supportive group of people to experience it with.”

Stu Saunders founder of The EPIC community shared this thought with us. Thus I decided that I’m going to share what I’ve learned, and the actions I’m going to take, in hopes that sharing them will keep me more accountable.

Our first speaker Denise Jacobs shared critical strategies on how you can banish your inner critic. Jacobs shares how the inner critic is the primary source of your biggest blocks to performing at your best. She calls this inner critic your “judging committee,” a small panel of judges in your head always criticizing you on what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.

Jacobs shares how your inner citric comes from 3 areas in your life:

1) Things that you are afraid are true

2) Negative things you’ve heard from authority figures when you were young

3) Things society has said about what you should/shouldn’t be or do

Your inner critic is hard-wired into your brain, coming from your frontal cortex, and its primary function is to protect you from danger. Yet, with no sabre-tooth tigers waiting to eat us at night, this negative bias causes fear conditioning and only remembers the negative things that happen.

I took note of how Jacobs made a distinction between your Inner Critic and your Inner Evaluator. Many people who seek peak performance and want to push themselves, may have had similar thoughts;

“But my inner critic allows me to push myself.”

“My inner critic allows me to learn from my mistakes and be better.”

The difference is that the inner critic is negative and says things like:

“You idiot Fahd, you should have never done that.”

“Who do you think you are, speaking to thousands of people on leadership?”

While your Inner Evaluator would be more positive and compassionate, as you would if someone else made the same mistakes you were making. We tend to be more willing to forgive others than to forgive ourselves.

Jacobs offers up three strategies on tackling that inner critic:

Transform Self Talk

This is as simple as changing a few keywords:

I have to —-> I choose to

I ought to —-> I want to

I should —-> I will

I must —-> When can I

Own Your Expertise

Many people don’t recognize their brilliance and play small to fit the expectations others have of them. This feeling is called “Imposter Syndrome.” The imposter syndrome is essentially what is known in psychological studies as they Dunning-Kruger effect. Simply put, you are more likely to experience Imposter Syndrome the more competent and skilled you are. You have to own the brilliance you have and not shrink it down.

Self-Compassion

Show love and empathy to yourself. Take the things you would say to your friend and turn them on to yourself.

You all have grave fears that are holding you back. What would you do differently if they didn’t exist? As leaders, your own limiting beliefs and inner critic can end up projecting onto others, if not recognized and left unchecked.

My action take-away is to begin recognizing this fear for what it is. Though I am uncomfortable sharing it via this blog, I will do so in the hope that it may give others the strength to recognize their own.

I fear that I’m going to be a disappointment; a disappointment to all my friends, my family and all those who supported my journey along the way.

Also, from here on, I will show myself more forgiveness and compassion.

What will you do?

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Meet Fahd Alhattab

Fahd Alhattab has built a reputable career in leadership development, motivational speaking, and creative fundraising. With a fun demeanour and a background in youth work, Fahd entertains and engages the audience, and leaves them feeling empowered to embrace everyday acts of compassionate leadership.