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Wednesday, 07 December 2011

I spit on your pivot table!

My job currently involves actively collecting vast amounts of information from other people. Basically I’m asking one person in each group what his group is doing and who’s working on what.

One person has refused to give me the info. Instead he’s given me directions on where to find the information myself. The words needle and haystack come to mind. Also, it means I’m getting the unverified information, not stuff he’s actually gone through and confirmed.

One guy smiled and agreed to provide what I need. But hasn’t done so.

One guy frowned and made sceptical faces, but at least agreed to provide what I need. Although he’s convinced that by me asking, it’s a demonstration that I intend to micromanage everybody in his team on an ongoing basis, and he thinks they probably won’t like that. Also, he doesn’t like the way I’m storing the information I’m collecting. And have I ever heard of pivot tables?

One guy has been fighting me every step of the way, insisting that… well, that he could do a much better job of things than I can.

One guy has been fighting me every step of the way, insisting that if he shares the info he’ll lose control of it. And then nothing will get done.

One guy has repeatedly sent me information other than what I’m looking for and is undoubtedly getting sick of me coming back to him with requests for clarification and or repeats of the same request over again. Of course, he still keeps sending me vast piles of information I didn’t actually ask for and none of what I did.

And then there’s the guy in Germany, who insists that it’s unlawful for me even to request such information. It violates worker rights, don't you know?

Also, pivot tables are for the weak and lazy. Sure, they’re fine for quick and dirty one-off analysis. But if you need reusable report templates, you write the formulas yourself!