TURNBULL: That’s what we’ll do. Make the refugees do the worst jobs you can imagine. That’ll stop them from wanting to come to Australia, ever. Any ideas?

CORMANN: Make 100 of them pull the boogies out of Barnaby’s nose.

TURNBULL: Great idea. Worked for Winston Churchill.

BISHOP: We could make them translate into English what Scott says when he speaks in tongues.

MORRISON: I don’t think that is either useful or funny. How about we force the women refugees to go shopping at Target and Kmart for Julie’s new outfits, with Julie! She looks so good in polyester.

PYNE: We could appoint 50 of them as our Solicitor–General and make them work closely with Brandis. That’ll fuck them up big time.

BRANDIS: Aren’t you funny Christopher. How about you fix it all by yourself? After all, you are "The Fixer".

TURNBULL: Boys. That’s not helpful. Focus. Come up with some really shitty jobs.

BIRMINGHAM: We could get hundreds of them to help Arthur develop a course on how to improve your memory.

SINODINOS: Oh, aren’t you the funny one. I’d tell you to get fucked but I know that five minutes after this meeting I’ll have forgotten we even had a meeting.

TURNBULL: This is going nowhere. I tell you, being prime minister to you lot is the shittiest job in the whole fucking world, and, it costs me a fortune each year I do it.

That’s it! I’ve got it! We let the boat people in, make them all prime minister for a week. Force them to have a few meetings with you lot and word of mouth will kill the people smuggling trade in no time.

How’s that for leadership!!

I’ll get Abbott to announce it. Can’t wait to see his face when he has to announce some Afghani asylum seeker is prime minister and he isn’t.

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