I know that it has become somewhat passe to objectify a human being based on their sexual charm. However, does that still stop us from secretly doing so?

Watching athletic bodies in the throes of sporting passion comes with a kind of sexual aesthetic that perhaps hasn’t been covered adequately on this site. Danni Eid has had a go, albeit with a dash of Collingwood bias.

Haydn Bunton apparently used to drive his female Fitzroy fans crazy as they followed him down Brunswick Street during the 1930s. Bunton was a diminutive rover, but he dressed sharply and had a nice head of hair. He was no ‘Chicken’ Smallhorn, that’s for sure. Wonder how ‘Chicken’ used to go in those days introducing himself as ‘Smallhorn’?

The late, great Trevor Barker was a legend at the notorious St Kilda Social Club Disco in the 1980s. His blonde hair, death-defying leaps and surfer-chic attitude made him a pin-up boy for Saints fans of the era.

Two generations earlier it was the dapper and swashbuckling Keith Miller who would have been busy during footy and cricket season.

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Comments

I dare say Kouta wouldn’t have struggled too much for female company back in the day …. on the subject of Hadyn Bunton apparently there were lots of ladies hanging around Foy & Gibson department store in Bourke St hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

Thanks Luke,
Modra was an Adelaide Adonis in those days. Wiz a bit too bogan for this team, I reckon. Taz a contender. Brad got in mainly because I struggled to find a decent looker among the Dogs. Most are somewhat, well, rugged…He had a nice smile at least !
Smokie – I think Mason will go alright. Majak also stiff to miss.

I have never seen a physique remotely as dramatic and compelling as Nic Naitanui. I was saving the answer up for Rove, but who could resist dark chocolate?
Mark Nicoski had the chiselled Margaret River surfie look perfected.
Ben had it all but as he’s been around in everything but the Warrnambool bike race. Stewards disqualification.
Jako’s a bit Arnold Schwarzenegger for my taste.

Gold Phil Mattress Primus a glaring omission geez the quality of female company he bought back to the
Redlegs club in his Norwood days was always v v high,Craig Ned Kelly held his own and Neville Rocky Roberts https://www.footyalmanac.com.au/neville-rocky-roberts-gun/ also ( love to add more )

Well this is all very heteronormative! Surely I’m not the only non-straight Almanac reader? Melissa Hickey (Melbourne AFLW) for mine. On a purely aesthetic level, I always liked looking at Andrew Leoncelli when he played for the Demons.

Gerry – Of, course Teaser in the Brown Velvet into the ruck at the expense of Fossil Newman ! Great get.

MdH – Super nominations. Absolutely has to be combo. No-one get by on looks alone in this team. Micky O both a warrior and an empath. What a combination. Aaron Davey also worthy and thanks for the heads up on the Melican brief. Will have to check him out. Wanganeen ? What’s not to like?

PB – Nic Nat a fine nomination. I just can’t get past the dopey expression. Physique is superb. Nicoski a nice mix of Macedonian mountain stock and Margaret River surfie. Who could resist that? Jacko’s great skill probably got him over the line. He was a terminator at CHB.

Danni – I feel a bit nervous intruding on your domain of expertise. Fas is okay, but I doubt he’ll receive any Archibald offers. Taz as mentioned earlier definite contender. Brodie Holland? Remember those naughty Windsor Smith Ads he was in in the early 2000’s? Lots of love for Jeremy Howe from me. Tommy Phillips has a gorgeous smile and those eyes that sparkle. Have a close look if you haven’t already ! Surely, Brian Taylor is a typo?

Shane – Pants and Banksy were a formidable tag team I reckon.

Book – Mattress Primus? Never knew he was that good ! Ned Kelly also some great early form at Collingwood along with Millane and Banks as mentioned above.

Jan – Considered Buddy. He should be in the team. Fine nomination.

Katie – I think you’ll find that there’s more than a dash of homoerotic fantasy happening here by men for men! Point taken, though. Would love to see a team that is diverse for sure. Leoncelli a strong nomination. Cheers

Katie, I’m more than happy to step up & give a considered, queer opinion …
There’s a particular era @ Collingwood where the usual & expected thug-look of the past was totally eliminated – yes, it was under ‘Silver Fox’ Malthouse’s reign, so no real surprises, I s’pose.

I’m quite sure I’m not the only Collingwood supporter who remembers that era – physiques surpassed Statue of David’s & a certain group of supporters even created the annual ‘Developing Along Nicely’ (an expression commonly used in the Opening Round when observing the obvious physical changes from the previous year) Award in response & for all the blatant reasons.

Brodie Holland was doing artistic nude centrefolds, Paul Licuria was modelling for artists (both these lads also especially impressed many when they were forced to disrobe on ‘Dancing With The Stars’ & were duly rewarded handsomely for the task) , Chris Tarrant was effortlessly leaving people gob-smacked not just with his face & bod, but when he was forced to speak & people realised how intelligent he was , & the Wakelin twins were the stuff of fantasy/romance novels.

Shane Woewodin & Tarkyn Lockyer ably represented the blondes & unsurprisingly Tarkyn was sponsored by the Pink Magpies, whilst Alan Didak’s best was clearly yet to come -his recent appearance at a Club Function unofficially & unanimously earned him an all-capital DILF moniker, after the sharp intake of breath moment had passed.

Some people might remember Buckley’s physique at the time – it was such that it not only made the front page of the Little Paper, but a certain prominent footy radio-caller was left speechless when he stumbled into once trying to describe the ‘fitness’ of it – a delicious moment, to be sure …
Anthony Rocca’s just-woken eyes, charm & half-smiles won hearts, just as many admirers found Simon Prestigiacomo’s notorious silences to be absolutely swoon-worthy.

And who can ever forget those glorious early Winter Monday (& speedo-clad) mornings at the beach – not seen before, unlikely to be seen again … though Fasolo, Elliott & 2-3 others seem determined to be remembered for more than their footy skills.

Hey Phil trust me the Mattress Primus name was earned by sheer quality plenty of males were shattered when he started going out with his now wife no more potential cast offs or brilliant mickey merving.
Plenty of stories re Darren Millane,Denis Banks and Ned.For SA and Norwood followers Mike Poulter,Rick Neagle and Des O Dwyer would be other serious contenders

Where’s Easton Wood? He could be a bloody movie star. And what about the gorgeous Matty Pavlich? (Yep, tall dark and handsome are clearly my bent, and don’t mind the occasional interesting nose.) For short, dark and handsome, Daniel Giansiracusa.

Denis Marshall certainly had Cats fans hearts fluttering back in the sixties. With his dark good looks and outstanding footy ability he was loved at Geelong and admired elsewhere. Runner-up to Skilts in the Brownlow one year he retired young and went back to WA all too soon.

Oh and … David Wirrapanda! I was reminded of him on Marngrook last night! Dashing.

With reference to Mickey R’s piece and his ‘alliteratives’ Josh Jenkins and Mitch McGovern, I would like to request an alliterative team or is it just a ‘double initial’ team? It would have a ready made ruckman in Nic Natanui. Steele Sidebottom by his side. Cockatoo Collins in the forward line up with Mickey’s mates …

Mathilde ! Alliteatives? Now there’s a challenge. Will try to find 22 using initials like AA or BB etc once. Wirrapanda kicking torps out of full-back was against the Pies in ’03 was something to behold.

My Cob got in from Brissy last night and reminded me of … Brisbane’s Darryl White. He wore the long sleeves and loose curls and was as silky as they come. We used to call him ‘the Porn Star’.

He also reminded me of Craig Bolton. I’d never been into blonds. But he was so attractive – his unshakeable capacity and minimum fuss. A quiet achiever. But solid and tough as they come. And intelligent. When the Cygnet was born, with his blondish curls and fine features, fellow Swans who knew my penchant for the number 6 used to giggle about doubtful paternity.

What a gorgeous connection MdH. Darryl was a smooth mover who made the game look effortless, even more so with the accouterment of the pornstache. Craig Bolton definite hardness,intelligence and grit under boy-next door good looks. I’m loving the specificity !

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