Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Me: “Oh, those are our Moscows. They’ve got Bavarian cream and Cream of Wheat in it which gives it—”

Self-important Customer: “I’ll take one of those.”

(We haven’t set one out yet, so my supervisor has to take out the whole pan and sprinkle powdered sugar on it. I grab everything for him and bag it up.)

Me: “All right, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Self-important Customer: “No, that’ll be all.”

(He pays and leaves. I run through a couple more customers until I get to a young guy.)

Young Guy:*saunters up to the counter* “Hey so, uh, what’s the freshest thing you got here?”

Me: “Pretty much everything just came out the oven.”

Young Guy: “Yeah, but I want really fresh, and like, potato mushroom.”

(I sort of stare at him then move to grab a potato mushroom. He starts laughing.)

Young Guy: “I’m just kidding with you, man. Did you see that guy?” *begins to imitate him* “I want the freshest thing you got!” *goes back to normal* “You’re in a bakery in the morning, man, everything’s fresh!”

(At this point everyone in the bakery is laughing. I get his order, still chuckling, and bag everything up for him.)

(We’ve just opened and I already have a long line, which is being held up by a customer whose drink I’ve remade three times, but he’s still not pleased. He’s been yelling at me for the last three minutes, and the entire line is started to get annoyed.)

Customer #1: “How hard is it to make a d*** drink?”

Me: “Sir, I’ve made your drink exactly how I was taught. If you would just—”

Customer #1: “Then I guess you’re too f***ing stupid to make it right!”

(He grows increasingly belligerent, swearing at me for another minute or so. However, Customer #2, a woman behind him, has had enough. She grabs him by the shoulder and physically turns him to look at her.)

Customer #2: “Shut. The. F***. Up! I just had a f***ing baby! I’m on my period and PMS-ing! And I haven’t slept for three f***ing days! You are getting in between me and my coffee. Now take your d*** sissy drink and get the f*** out of my way, before I get angry!”

(Everyone in the store is stunned at her outburst.)

Customer #1: “But she didn’t—”

Customer #2:*through her teeth* “She. Made. It. Right. LEAVE.”

(He takes his drink and slinks out of the store. Everyone is still in shock when Customer #2 walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Wha-what can I get you, ma’am?”

Customer #2: “Large. Black.”

Me: “Would you—”

Customer #2: “No.”

(I make her drink as quickly as is possible. I give her a smile as I hand it to her.)

Me: “Have a wonderful day, and may I just say you look fantastic for just having had a baby.”

(It has snowed quite severely in our area so today. We are short on staff and no deliveries have been able to reach us.)

Customer: “You’ve run out of bread.”

Me: “Yes, I’m terribly sorry; there is no fresh bread. All I can do is recommend some of our pre-mixed bread flour. You just add water and bake.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’ve run out of bread. I came here especially.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I appreciate that, but our delivery lorry got stuck. I am sorry, but there’s very little I can do to assist you.”

Customer: “But you’re [supermarket]! You should never run out of bread.”

Me: “Ma’am, like I said, the roads are impassable. Our lorry couldn’t get here. I normally work at another store, but I couldn’t drive there today, so I am helping out here. Do you mind if I ask whether you walked or drove in?”

Customer: “Well, I walked of course. Have you seen the roads? It would be like driving on pure white death out there.”

Me: “Exactly.”

(I give her time to process this information, bearing in mind what I have said about the delivery drivers.)

Customer: “No! Not a sugar cone! Waffle! Why won’t you give me what I want?! It’s the government, I tell you! They’re playing these evil mind tricks! I won’t fall for it, though! I won’t! I want a waffle cone!”

Me:*grabs sugar cone* “Yes, ma’am.”

(My coworker returns from her break, only having heard the last bit from the customer saying she wanted a waffle cone.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have any waffle cones right now.”