4. When you hurt, it hurts me.

For weeks now ive been getting nast text messages from Nialls fans.He didnt know, i couldnt tell him, hes so happy.Sometimes i just lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Like today, i was at the Lads house waiting for them when i got a nasty text message, I run into the bathroom and fell to the floor crying.

I hear a knock on the door and quickly wipe my eyes."Are you ok in there?" Its Niall hes so sweet. Worrying about me."Yeah im fine, just washing my face" i lied, quickly splashing water on my face to hide the tears."I walk out and see a worried Niall, "Have you been crying?" so maybe it didnt work."No just washing my face" He didnt look convinced."are you ok?" I noded " are you sure?'"Very" He took me in his arms "Look, i want you to know you can always talk to me" I wanted to tell him, i just coudnt.

Niall and Liam went out to dinner with a fan who won some competition.Louis and Harry are in the park while me and zayn are at the house stuffing our faces.Lately the hate has been getting worse. Im depressed all the time, i started self harming.Zayn noticed something wrong and he asked me to stay with him.

I was wearing a green hoodie, and some red shorts.I extended my arm to reach for my drink when my hoodie sleave lifts reaviling too much, before i could pull it back down, Zayn grabs my hand pulling my sleave right up reviling all the cuts.

He looks up at me with sock mixed with sandess. "Why?" I took out my phone and showed him the messages.

"Why didnt you talk to me or Niall?" I explained how i didnt want to depress anyone or cause trouble or seam needy. I started to cry. "Sometimes i would just cry all night"Zayn hugged me "This is what i was worried about."

I was so scared, i knew Zayn had told Niall.What of he thinks im pathetic? What if he leaves me?the voices in my head were getting the better of me again.

Im sitting in his house, on his bed. I quickly wipe my tears and put on a smile, maybe he dosnt know yet.

"Crissy stop the acting, i know whats going on. Zayn wouldnt tell me alot but he said you did something-" He stopped when he got a look at my wrist " what" he grabbed both my arms and stared at the in shock "is that?"

I tried to pull my hands away but he was too strong for me. Tears started pouring out of his eyes. "Why would you do that?" I took out my phone and showed him the same messages Zayn seen just an hour ago.

"You could have told me" and once again ive explained how i didnt want to depress him, or make him think im too needy. I told him how i didnt want to cause troubke and how i would just sit and cry for hours.

"so you were crying in the bathroom that day?" I nooded."I just didnt want to hurt you or depress you."He took me in his arms "They only one who can hurt me is you, by hurting yourself you hurt me. We can get through this, just promise me one thing""anything""When you feel the need to cut, call me, i can help""I promise.....and...Niall?""Yes?" His voice is so sweet and caring."I love you""i love you too princess"