Play at the football game, buck-naked.

1) Police were recently summoned to the North Little Rock Animal Shelter after a crime was reported. What was the crime?

A) A rag-tag group of schnauzers, golden retrievers and poodles secretly dug a 120-foot-long tunnel under a wall and then scurried to freedom during shift change.

B) Someone cut a fence and smashed through a wall to break out a pit bull that a judge had ordered euthanized because of the city ordinance prohibiting the breed.

C) A surly French bulldog wouldn't quit playing his harmonica after lights out.

D) A Doberman pinscher pulled a shiv on a guard and demanded to be flown to the nearest squeaky toy factory.

2) At 2 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 16, people plan to assemble on the steps of the state Capitol for a group photo. Why?

A) They believe they've been called by God to mow down the Ten Commandments monument with their Dodge Darts if the state manages to get it put back in place.

B) They're members of Arkansas's Chubby Nudists League.

C) They're all people who have been blocked from the Facebook or Twitter accounts of the notoriously block-happy Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Conway).

D) They're a group of diehard Trump supporters who are convinced they'll be abducted by aliens. Illegal aliens.

3) Police recently pulled over and arrested a 22-year-old man exiting from Interstate 630 onto University Avenue in Little Rock. Why was the man arrested?

A) He was driving a golf cart.

B) His van was made entirely of weed.

C) He failed to comply with an officer's demand that he not be homeless.

D) No reason, really. The cop was just feeling a bit lonely.

4) The Baxter County Quorum Court's personnel committee recently voted on an item that would make Baxter County the last county in Arkansas to approve something the other 74 counties in the state have long since handled. What would the vote do?

A) Make telling "Game of Thrones" spoilers to those who haven't seen the latest episode a crime punishable by death.

B) Outlaw incest between aunts and nephews, which would totally cover the buck-nekkid foolishness Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow got up to in the recent "Game of Thrones" season finale, just before the Night King's zombie dragon knocked down The Wall!

5) Fans attending a recent high school football game at War Memorial Stadium in Little Rock were shocked to see a man "streaking" bare-assed across the field, with police in hot pursuit. What, according to police, was unique about the incident?

A) The man was former White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci, making a desperate attempt to regain President Trump's love.

B) The perpetrator had previously been arrested and charged in a similar incident in Helena.

C) He was naked because he'd foolishly forgotten to wear his stretchy pants before transforming into The Incredible Hulk.

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