Specifically, this iPhone 5 will have an even "faster" CPU, with a "larger 4-inch screen similar to LG's NOVA display but with a higher resolution," "iPhone 5 exclusive software and APIs," 32GB of storage and a "dedicated Assistant button" that might somehow be integrated into a new home button. And WiMax. Meanwhile, AT&T and Verizon will get the iPhone 4S, not getting the iPhone 5 until "the first quarter of next year as an LTE device," while "the iPhone 5 might be available as a 4G HSPA+ device" globally.

How could something so ridiculous be true, in any realm of possibility that you and I exist in? That $20 billion deal, supposedly. But um, consider that everything about this seems wrong. The WiMax. The Sprint exclusive. A deal of this magnitude being kept so secret until today, the day before the event. The only thing that would seem wronger would be a rumor that the iPhone 5 is running Android.

I will eat my goddamn hand if this is true. And a whole cow. I hate Apple rumors, but sweet christ do I loathe iPhone rumors. Ughughughughughugh. [Boy Genius]