Crushing of the Rose Pt. 4

They had their coats on and had been preparing to leave after a lovely visit. She turned to her husband after her surprising announcement, seeking his approval. He gestured for her to continue. I stepped forward to receive what she was about to say.

“Sister, I believe I have a Word from the Lord for you.” My dear friend and her husband stood at the front door of my house. They had their coats on and had been preparing to leave after a lovely visit. She turned to her husband after her surprising announcement, seeking his approval. He gestured for her to continue. I stepped forward to receive what she was about to say.

She spoke with confidence, “I believe the Lord has shown me that as you heal of the things you need healing of…Minnesota will heal.” All of us standing at the door felt the confirmation of the Holy Ghost as she spoke. I received what she had to say, though I wondered what was meant by her words. We said our goodbyes, leaving me to contemplate God’s message to me. I pondered the need of healing for myself that God’s message had spoken of. As I wrote about in “Crushing of the Rose: Part 3”, God had shown me through anointed preaching, that unhealed spiritual wounds, can become portals the enemy of our soul is able to use to create strongholds in our lives, thus making it virtually impossible to be freely used in His Work. I had received much-needed healing during and after this conference and God had done great things in my life, but I had found, just as the men of God had warned, it would be a process. I wasn’t sure if my ongoing healing was what God was referring to in the Word my friend had given to me, or if He was speaking of something yet to come. I was also perplexed as to what my healing had to do with Minnesota’s healing… or even what sort of healing Minnesota was in need of. As I thought on it, I felt a heavy responsibility settle down on my shoulders and a sense of urgency. I felt I was on a short timetable. I needed to understand this healing God spoke of…and what it had to do with Minnesota. I knew that I would have to push forward in prayer to find out.

I had an opportunity the next day to share the Word my friend had given me with my pastor and his wife. They listened carefully, then my pastor had a few thoughts for me and his wife had a few thoughts for me, but when it came down to it, they were as puzzled as I was. My pastor may not have had a quick answer for me, but he is so wise…he told me I should just keep on praying and writing and it would unfold. It would have been easier to let my own healing happen gently, as a process, but; when I thought about how my healing was somehow connected spiritually to Minnesota’s well-being, the weight on my shoulders grew heavier still. I went home that evening and prayed in earnest.

At first my prayer was like horses let out of the gate. It was a torrent of words. I prayed hard and fast, like praying hard and fast would make something happen. I had no direction, I didn’t know what to focus on, so I prayed loud and authoritatively. It didn’t take long before I realized I wasn’t accomplishing much. I dropped down in my big, black, stuffed chair in exasperation, leaning my head sideways on my hand. I was frustrated about feeling like I wasn’t getting anywhere. Then it occurred to me, I had not only not asked God how He would have me to pray, but I had not approached Him with the honor and worship due Him before petitioning Him in prayer. I lifted my head from my hand and sighed. “Can we just start this over, Lord?”

I prayed softly in tongues. In my mind’s eye, I came alongside Jesus and put my arm around His shoulders and He put His arm around mine. We became “yoked” together.

I had received this marvelous revelation of being yoked to Jesus Christ in prayer while listening to Bishop Chester Wright (Antioch, Maryland) teach about prayer during this year’s Call to War: 2014 seminar. http://www.theantioch.com/

He described how oxen were/are used to plow. He said a yoke would be placed on the neck of an older, more experienced ox together with a younger, inexperienced ox. The older, experienced ox would lead the younger, in effect, directing the pulling of the plow. Bishop Wright taught us that if we would but yoke ourselves to Jesus in our walk and in prayer, we couldn’t help but pray according to His will and we could together lift Jesus’s burden for the lost. (I will be talking more about this in my next post, which will be “Burden Bearer: Part 2”)

I prayed as yoked together with Jesus. I spoke to Jesus, asking Him how he would have me pray about this. I continued to pray in tongues, reaching out in my spirit, all the while remaining close to His side. I then asked Jesus to help me pray with, “That mind that is in Christ Jesus”.

I guess allowing things to become “water under the bridge” for us, is not the same as releasing and forgiving the one/ones who injured us. Just throwing our wounds under a bridge won’t heal them. They need to be firmly placed “Under the Blood of Jesus” for true healing to begin.

I have made it a point for a while now to always seek “the mind that is in Christ Jesus” when I pray. One of the “wounds” I had sought healing for (Crushing of the Rose: Part 3) was a “wounded mind”. Because of living for too long under some conditions that were too hard for me, I became wounded and fragile in my mind. I will not elaborate, but it affected a great deal of my day-to-day existence. My mind became the enemy’s target. I suffered a great deal and found it difficult to look people in the eyes. I rarely felt safe enough with individuals to be able to let my guard down. Chester Wright and David Shatwell accurately described what I was going through. I wrote about it in “Crushing of the Rose: Part 3”. Here is an excerpt:

“Chester Wright spoke eloquently, saying, ‘You don’t know what’s wrong with you. You don’t know why it happens to you. You don’t know how to fix it. You spend much of your life paralyzed, afraid it’s going to happen again.’ They both (Chester Wright and David Shatwell) said that they didn’t know what was wrong with them or what they did wrong to be in that state. Chester Wright especially described how he hid his pain from others, assuming (probably correctly) that he would be counted a pariah if people knew his struggle,”

Though I had received marvelous deliverance and a binding up of this wound, and felt a freedom like I hadn’t felt for many years, complete healing seemed to be a process. I also had to contend with occasional renewed attacks from the enemy. I noticed I was starting to become hyper-vigilant and did not want to go down that road again.

I prayed softly in tongues, yoked to Jesus, reaching out for the Mind of Christ as I prayed. I finally felt the sweet entrance of the Spirit of God. I asked Him, “Jesus, how should I pray about this?” I felt He was going to give me instructions, so I pulled my little table over and picked up a pen. I poised the pen over my notebook and felt for His Words.

I wrote a number one on my sheet of paper and waited, then I felt impressed on my heart to write this:

Give forgiveness and ask forgiveness.

Then, I went to the next line and wrote a number two on my sheet of paper, but I couldn’t take my mind off of #1. Suddenly, memories started flooding my mind of painful, difficult times. At first just the highlights came to my mind, then long forgotten memories started coming to the surface. It became more and more painful as I remembered things I hadn’t thought about for many, many years. As the memories became more detailed, I re-lived the pain associated with the moment. It became almost unbearable. I kept writing, sobbing, my heart breaking again with each item I wrote. “Why! Why!” I cried to Jesus, “Why does this have to be dug up again? It was water under the bridge! Jesus, why do I have to remember it! I don’t want to remember it! I don’t want to think about it! Why can’t it remain, water under the bridge!”

Finally, I couldn’t go on. I put my pen down and sat back, exhausted. I spoke with an edge in my voice. “Jesus, the only good reason I can think of to dredge all of this up again is so that I can forgive it.” It was then, that I realized what was going on. That was exactly what it was all about. I picked the pen back up again and looked at my notebook. I prayed over each item and released the person responsible. I found I was able to say, “I release such and such from…” but had a very difficult time with the words, “I FORGIVE such and such for…” It took much releasing before the words, “I forgive” were able to come out of my mouth.

All of this happened to make me deal with things that I had considered, “water under the bridge”.

I guess allowing things to become “water under the bridge” for us, is not the same as releasing and forgiving the one/ones who injured us. Just throwing our wounds under a bridge won’t heal them. They need to be firmly placed “Under the Blood of Jesus” for true healing to begin.

Healing in progress,

Nancy~

Matthew 11: 29 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30“For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

1 Corinthians 2: 16 “For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.”

This meditation/ inner struggle really is powerful. I appreciate these thoughts, how the enemy uses the wounded areas in our lives to focus his attacks. Also, the fact of how we need to find the “mind of Christ” to know how to pray. Many times we see a reflection we don’t want to see, when God reveals our hearts to us. Having our wounds cleaned so they will heal can be very painful. I am reminded how Jesus suffered a greater pain so His Love could heal us.

Blessings & Welcome

It was some years ago during altar call, at the end of an evening camp service that God spoke to me and said, “Just write”, so little by little…or should I say…”Line Upon Line”, that is just what I’ve been doing. I look forward to your feedback on posts that minister to you. Your opinions, thoughts and comments help make this blog a fulfilling experience for all to enjoy and reflect upon.

Nancy L. Watrud

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