So far, it’s been a tumultuous freshman year at Seton Catholic Central High School. I’m starting to get the hang of things, but I still have a long way to go. This New Year’s seems like a particularly important time to better myself with some firm resolutions. Last year’s unmet goal of bulking up to a weight of 125 pounds notwithstanding, I am determined to make some changes this time. Here we go.

• Encourage facial hair growth by listening to ZZ Top cassettes at bedtime.

• Use family’s new video cassette recorder to assemble a complete library of “The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo.”

• Organize a neighborhood bake sale to get in on the ground floor of the Mondale for President juggernaut.

• Marry Adrienne Barbeau.

• Lead a discussion group comparing the societal impact of George Orwell’s book, “1984” with Van Halen’s album, “1984”.

• Usurp school authority by disingenuously appearing in the yearbook’s Fishing Club photo.

• Intimidate track and field opponents at the starting line by staring at them and muttering “Yep, brand new Keds over here.”

• Recount the Thompson Twins – something seems off.

• Replace my inferior knit shirts featuring a small, embroidered tiger on the left breast with vastly superior knit shirts featuring a small, embroidered ALLIGATOR on the left breast.

• Join Clara Peller’s quixotic quest to determine where the beef is.

Page 2 of 2 - If I can pull off even half of these goals, I’ll be well on my way to being a sophomore to be reckoned with. Then I can enter the mid-1980s with Mr. T-like strength, and Duran Duran-like reflexes.