Archive for April, 2017

I appreciate your dropping in on my podcast today. I can use the company. I lost a little Louie Louie this week. If you remember how happy hearing Louie Louie used to make you, you’ll understand what I mean. It was a middle finger kind of week. Almost, but thankfully not quite, a “Sounds of Silence” time. So now, I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, trying to figure out how to get my Louie Louie back. I think I need a shot of emotional Viagra.

Today’s podcast is about the difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone is ok. Lonely sucks. Give it a listen for some ideas about what to do if you’re lonely. Don’t just sit around scratching yourself.

T.G.I.F. so it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s making you sweat out the other ear, and you can grab a grin and win. A giraffe only sleeps about 4 hours a night. The rest of the time he’s necking I guess. If the answer is “reincarnation” what is the question? Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. Carpenter’s pencils are square so they won’t roll off the roof. The pencils won’t roll off the roof. Many carpenters aren’t square. So look out below. George Carlin said the belief that when you die, your soul flies up on the roof and gets stuck is called frisbeetarianism. George was a study. A study just published in the Washington Post says that, “Women tend to have better verbal skills than men.” I’m not touching that…I don’t care what you say. I have enough trouble. If the answer is “reincarnation” the question is “What do you call the belief that you will come back as a flower.” Stop crying. You’re going to need that water. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little housekeeping here…if you like these podcasts, or my spoken word story CDs at www.dicksummer.com, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot at www.amazon.com. com, please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor. Thanks.

When you get comfortable enough at night, you can feel a dream running its fingers through your mind. That’s what today’s podcast is about. You can watch as a Ferris wheel spins on a soft summer night… you can watch last Christmas happen again, when you first lit your tree. You can watch a baby laugh, trying to say “Mamma” for the first time. You can feel a lover getting up quietly and leaving, or you can hear a key in the door, and the weight of strong, naked arms around you, protecting you from the bad guys and the cold. That kind of thing isn’t a matter of life and death. It’s much more important than that. It’s worth taking a chance. The only pitch you’re sure to miss is the one you don’t swing at.

I call the podcasts “Good Night“, because they are the sound of a human voice that you can hear in the night if you like. Nighttime is a good time for sounds. If you listen carefully, and you’re in the right place at the right time, you can sometimes hear legs crossing and un-crossing in the night…and someone’s breathing changing with the rhythm.

Today’s podcast is devoted to trying to get women to ASK for sex…in simple words that we can understand. Of course women need to be careful. There are sexy bad boys out there. You know you’ve encountered one when he immediately starts giving you mouth to mouth resuscitation while you’re being introduced. I think most women understand things like that. I mean you often see smart guys with dumb women, but you never see smart women with dumb guys. Because women have to be smart. They have to grow up. They have to grow up mainly because we don’t. And smart Louie Louie Generation women know that. They know there’s a time and place for ribbons, and pearls and lace, and long white gloves. And they know how to take them off slowly, while they smile up at some guy, and give him that…look.

The “Women’s Lib” movement had some pretty nasty things to say about guys. “If we could send one man to the moon, why can’t we send all of them there? And “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” And how about, “If there were no men, there would just be no wars and millions of fat, happy, women.” But hey, without men there would also be no princes on white horses to come to your rescue, nobody to open jars and kill spiders, and no one to lift ballerinas into the air. And remember, “Two heads are better than one.” Especially on a pillow . At dawn. When there’s a blizzard outside. If that makes sense to you, please give www.dicksummer.com/podcast a listen.

I’m sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, contemplating the great divide between men and women. It’s in today’s podcast. I know a couple of really smart, pretty women who are leading lonely lives…I think un-necessarily. In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, there’s a story about a Louie-Louie Generation lady I saw in an Applebee’s bar recently. She was eyeing some guy sitting alone. She reached into her pocket book for a small perfume bottle, squirted some on her little lace hankie, slipped it into the guy’s jacket pocket, smiled up at him and walked away without saying a word. Naturally, he caught up with her and asked her what that was all about. She just said, “It looks good in your pocket.” Then she asked if he went there often, and shook her head as if she couldn’t hear and said, “It’s noisy in here,” and she leaned over toward him so she could hear his answer. The guy didn’t stand a chance. That lady knew the secret. Just ask. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman get turned down when she says to some guy, “Would you like to come up to my apartment?” ASK!

According to today’s podcast, Americans had about 33% less sex last year compared to 1990. And the smart guys in the white lab coats at the University of Pittsburgh say spending too much time on Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and Instagram seems to be the main reason. Virtual reality is beating meat reality. Instead of “Your place or mine,” It’s now “Hey babe…want to peek at my password?”It’s changing how men and women see themselves.

It’s T.G.I.F. which means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s driving you nuts out the other ear, and you can undulate off comfortably into the night. The smart guys in the white lab coats at Georgetown University have just released a survey that says “Caterpillars can shoot their feces 40 times their body length.” I’ll bet you can’t do that. If the answer is laughingstock what is the question? Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. In 2002, a group of food industry researchers reported that when children were told they couldn’t have junk food, they wanted it even more. Those industry researchers claim their study proved that children should decide for themselves how much junk food they should eat. A conclusion that could only be arrived at by people who have no children of their own. More food news…a baby oyster is called a spat. Can’t you just hear it…“Hey baby, lets have a spat?” If the answer is laughingstock, the question is what do you call an amused heard of cattle. Laughingstock. Why are you making that face at me? Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.