Hear this, thou of little faith, for ye will be masticated by a cloven-hooved hefer!

As thy sons and daughters are feasting and drinking a mighty wind shall sweep in from the desert, striking the four corners of their house, and it shall collapse upon them until they are quite dead!

May ye be trampled by a herd of stampeding pigs, thou breaker of the commandments!

Though ye gird up thy bow and spear and lie in wait for my beloved, I will executeth thy lineage, and damn thee to hell!

I pray thou shalt beget difficult teenagers, O ye babbling Assyrian!

How art thou to be justified when thy defilement dwelleth in the Temples of Baal and thy pleadings are arrayed in e-vil? Therefore, ye shall suckle on the breast of a garlic-swilling wildabeast for the rest of thy days!

Thou shalt be kicked by an incontinent camel, O ye bull of Bashan!

May this be a portent for thy inheritance: Go ye not into the land of unrestricted free agency, for it is likened unto sleeping with harlots, and thy shame shall be broadcast amongst the nations by brother Buccigross!

Hear this, O thou breaker of the commandments, for you will go on a diet of crunchy, unsweetened locusts!

Thy victory column shall be laid waste without an inhabitant--no, not even one!

May three raiding parties of Chaldeans sweep away thy camels, put they descendants to the sword, and may the fire of God fall from the sky and burn up all thy sheep and servants!

Harken, thou plaything of Beelzebub, for thy belly shall swell with seething travail and burst like old wine skins upon thy fine robes!

Naked ye came from the womb, and naked ye shall depart. The Lord shall stretch out his hand and strike thy flesh and bones. Ye wilt surely curse God and die!

Thou shalt see thy pomegranates wither, thou sulphurous nonentity!

Ye have plowed e-vil and now must reap what ye have sown, oh house of grievous revolters. For that I shall smite thy buttocks with robust portions of woe!

Hear this, thou who art a byword for idiocy, for thou wilt be smitten with all-over boils!

May the birds of the air disembowel themselves upon thy countenance, thus burying thy reprobate body in layer upon layer of sulpherous whitewash!

I pray thou shalt be mocked by eunuchs, oh thou of little faith!

Though thou clothest thyself in a garment of many colors and deckest thee with brilliant ornaments, thy brazen appearance is that of a foresaken harlot, whereby my flock squinteth to behold thy vain abomination, and thus many cities shall despise thee!

Hear this, O thou lazy Abizerite: a pox on thee and thy children’s children, may thy seed be as barren as thy heritage is of Lord Stanley’s Cup!

Behold, I will stretch out my hand, and a clan of swift dromedaries shall come to know thee repeatedly (in a bliblical sense), O thou love-child of Methuselah!

May ye be plagued with gnats, flies and locusts, O ye creature of the pit!

And it shall come to pass that thy victories shall be scattered as dust upon the wind, and thy losing will be multiplied as days without number!

May thy bowels become loose after feasting upon hyena meat and lentils and may ye wallow in thy own syrupy waste!

O that thou wouldest be kicked in ye nether regions by an unbridled ass, O thou discourager of the brethren!

Since you have haughtily sown justice among thorns and setteth snares for the upright ye shall be entangled in thy own covetous backslidings and shall wanderest in the land of deserts and of pits and of the Southeastern Division!

May thouest be swallowed by a whale with excessively bad breath, O ye child of Jezebel!

Harken to me now: Prepareth to be swiftly laid waste by my people who shall roareth like the sea. Whence thy ears shall bleed, and thy spirit bow to the enloudened supplications of the Tribes of Tennessee!

Hear this, O ye armpit of Satan, for you will be captured by Midianite maniacs!

May a goodly number of ravenous jackyls tear at thy loins and gorge themselves upon thy limp manhood!

Take heed, thou son of a Philistine, for you will be cast onto a steaming dung-heap!

May thy skates not turn to thy left nor to thy right, but may they set thy course straight into the boards—which shall not forgive—leaving thee sorely bereft of the breath of life!

Thou shalt go about weeping and wailing in sackcloth and ashes, O thou denizen of the underworld!

May ye be afflicted with painful, oozing, open sores from the soles of thy feet to the top of thy head. May ye have to scrape them with the jagged edges of broken pottery as ye wallow in thy suffering…which is great!

Listen, thou son of a Haggoyim, for you will become as popular as a boil on the king's backside!

Thou shalt bathe in the excrement of hippopotomi and wash thy hair with the bitter bile of a barren she-wolf!

Listen, O ye offspring of a squashed cockroach, for thou wilt be as welcome as a fart in the queen's bedchamber!

The fury of God shalt come forth like fire upon your perverse iniquity, and it shall burn so that none can quench it because of the e-vil of thy doings, you damn Canadians!

O that thou wouldest be plagued with lecherous jock rot, thou whose name is but dung!

Thy battlements shall become wearied and quite desolate in thy aging state, causing thee to bewaileth as a weeping infant; in thy travail, thou wilt become known as the House of Perpetual Calamity, or the Land of Wings that be Red!