Never say Neverland

Never Never Land, CA --- The late Michael Jackson's estate, Never Never Land, named for Neverland, the fantasy island on which "lost boys" never become men, was the singer's home and, according to "unproven" allegations, the site of several molestations by "Wacko Jacko," as Jackson is also known. Supposedly, Wacko molested several preteen males who stayed at Never Never Land as his overnight "guests," sharing his bed, where, Jackson said, they shared "milk and cookies." Some claim "milk" was the singer's euphemism for semen. "We don't want to know what the hell the pervert meant by 'cookies,'" they declared.

Called a "seductive playground" by Jackson's detractors, Never Never Land featured a floral clock, gardens built around naked children's statues, two miniature trains, a Ferris wheel, a carousel, and such other amusement park rides, many with sexually suggestive names, as the Zipper (one of Jackson's favorites), the Octopus (on which the singer is said to have "copped a lot of feels"), a pirate ship (ho, ho, ho), a Wave Swinger "swinger"---get it?), a Super Slide (!), a roller coaster, bumper cars ("bumper," indeed!), and a games arcade.

The rides were searched by police during the 2003 People v. Michael Jackson trial, in which the singer faced multiple counts of molesting a minor. As a result of the search, Jackson closed Never Never Land, declaring the ranch had been "violated" by "dirty-minded" authorities.

In 2007, the estate was refinanced, and, a year later, billionaire Tom Barracks purchased the renegotiated loan, which was in default, "to make the world safe again for children."

After Jackson's death in 2009, his family buried his body on the Never Never Land ranch, as a tourist attraction, in hopes of transforming the place into a site for tourists' pilgrimages.

The ranch has recently appeared as a guest star in a documentary financed by Aunt Jemima pancake mix.

In 2010, Democratic Californicate Assemblyman Michael Davis (no relation to Michael Douglas or Bette Davis) sought to have the state acquire the ranch "by any means necessary" as a state park, but the effort was undermined by then-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (Republican in Name Only).

Since then, Lady Gaga has expressed an interest in purchasing the property. "I'm gaga about anything related to Wacko Jacko," she admitted.

In 2016, Never Never Land was auctioned for $100 million, but there were no buyers. In 2017, the sale price was reduced to $67 million. There have been no buyers.

"No one wants to live on an estate where young boys were molested, even 'allegedly,'" Los Angeles police said. "Who knows? Maybe the pervert's ghost is haunting the place, biding his time, waiting to strike again."