Here is Why People Disrespect So-Called “Ex-Gays” Like Christopher Doyle

Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays (PFOX) Board member and NARTH follower Christopher Doyle had this to say in a letter to The Washington Post:

Putting ‘ex-gay’ in quotes suggested that such a sexual orientation is not valid, not recognized or both. But thousands of former homosexuals collectively identify themselves as such. The D.C. Superior Court ruled in 2009 that ex-gays are a protected sexual orientation class in the District. Not all persons who experience same-sex attractions choose to live gay lives. Many of us have voluntarily left a homosexual life through therapeutic work or behavioral choice. I did, and I have been happily married to a woman for nearly five years; we have two children. I no longer experience same-sex attraction and have no desire to return to the homosexual life. Please respect this choice.” – Christopher Doyle, board member of Parents & Friends Of “Ex-Gays” (PFOX), in a letter to the Washington Post.

Doyle has an issue with so-called “ex-gays” not being recognized by the LGBT community. Yet, the cynical Doyle belongs to NARTH, where the group’s co-founder Dr. Joseph Nicolosi preaches, “There is no such thing as a homosexual, just heterosexuals with a homosexual problem.”

So, Doyle wants to be respected and acknowledged as a so-called “ex-gay” without the dreaded quotation marks — but the group he represents denies the very existence of LGBT people. Doyle’s dishonest double-standard is quite obvious and it is clear that he has an agenda to falsely present himself as a victim. Instead, of course, he is a victimizer that pretends the lives of millions of people are make believe and can be “fixed” by quack therapy and prayer.

Why do we put quotation marks around the word “ex-gay”?

Maybe it is because such activists admit, when pressed, that they have simply changed their behavior, not their sexual orientation. Perhaps, the constant scandals and outings of activists who claimed to be “ex-gay”, but weren’t living as advertised, affects the decision to use quotation marks. And how about the inconvenient fact that every respected medical and mental health association in America says there is NO EVIDENCE supporting the efficacy of reparative therapy, while there is evidence that shows attempts to change can be harmful? There is also the growing body of research that increasingly shows biological components to sexual orientation. Of course, there are many victims of these programs who are speaking out, as well as spouses that were harmed by such unwise marriages to alleged, purported, so-called “ex-gays”.

Frauds like Doyle claim there are “thousands of former homosexuals” — but from what source does he get this statistic? Groups such as Exodus, PFOX and NARTH purposely do not keep statistics — because they are acutely aware the truth about their failure rate would have put them out of business decades ago. Interestingly, for all of their bravado, “ex-gay” activists refuse to take physical tests, such as the No Lie MRI, to prove they have changed their attractions. If they want the quote marks removed, why not take such tests? Maybe it is because telling tales for anti-gay political organizations pays better than telling the truth or a real job?

Finally, if there are thousands or tens of thousands of such people — where are they? It seems the only people who claim that they have prayed away the gay are professional, paid political activists with books and seminars to sell. Where is the “ex-gay” March on Washington to show the masses of “ex-gays” that allegedly exist?

If hucksters like Doyle want the quote marks removed, they should begin by acknowledging the existence of LGBT people who cannot change. He should also put his money where is mouth is and prove that such people truly exist outside the staffs of homophobic political organizations and avaricious therapists profiting from unnecessary pain.

About the Author

Wayne Besen is the Founding Executive Director of Truth Wins Out and author of “Anything But Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies Behind the Ex-Gay Myth” (Haworth, 2003). In 2010, Besen was awarded the “Visionary Award” at the Out Music Awards for organizing the American Prayer Hour, an event which shined a spotlight on the role American evangelicals played in the introduction of Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Bill.

There is no such orientation as “ex gay”, it is merely an presumptous expression of behavior which one wishes for others to believe.

I prefer the term “not currently cocksucking”, which is a momentary observation and does not predict that will happen in the next moment, such as when one’s wife leaves the house for more than fifteen minutes or those mini-vacations in an airport men’s room.

GianniMarch 7, 2011 at 12:38 pm -

My only actual experience along these lines was with a close relative. He knew he was gay and his future wife knew he was gay, but he wanted to be what God wanted him to be – STRAIGHT. He was a devoted fundamentalist Christian who had the Bible coming out of every orifice. He married and was a dedicated and devoted husband to his wife and father to three children. Never strayed or cheated. Well, along about 16 years later his wife decided that she no longer wanted to be married to a gay man. It was stuck in her head that when they made love, he must be thinking about men. She picked up and left; he was devastated and it took years for the pain and loss to heal. When it did, he finally found the courage to face the fact that he was gay. All those years, the sexual pull of men never left him. He refused to act on it, but that couldn’t stop it. Since that time of admission to himself, he has enjoyed the company of a wide circle of friends with similar backgrounds. It always amazes me how many gay men get married just to please God and man because they fall for the b******t that they are not what God wants them to be. He is now partnered with a man, also divorced and raising a son and he finally has the love and comfort that truly fulfills him.

AlonzoMarch 7, 2011 at 3:35 pm -

If they’re “truly” “ex-gay” that would make them heterosexual and/or celibate therefore they would be recognized by any community as such.

Paul DouglasMarch 7, 2011 at 3:49 pm -

It has always puzzled me why “ex-gays”, now that they are cured, don’t just leave off us gay folks and go & quietly live their lives as the happy heterosexuals they’ve supposedly become. I mean they are straight now and the matter is settled for them. But for some reason they can’t quite leave their gay roots, can’t quite divorce themselves from their old selves. Methinks it is because down deep, they know who they really are and they become “ex-gay” identified in a perverse attempt to keep themselves connected to their gayness. Its pathological, but hey, humans in denial can do crazy things to avoid facing the truth. They would rather stay in the arena fighting with those of us who have faced ourselves and come out against the odds, because at least they are keeping something of their gay identity intact–even if its an “anti-gay identity”. Any thoughts people?

Paul, it’s because most current “ex-gays” are getting paid to be spokespeople or employees for “ex-gay” organizations. Talk to any person who’s been through a program and they’ll tell you something along the lines of “I don’t think there’s anyone who was in program with me who’s not out of the closet again.”

BooMarch 7, 2011 at 10:35 pm -

If he agrees with the recognition of “ex-gay” as a distinct orientation, then he’s admitting he’s not heterosexual. Otherwise, “ex-gays” would have already been covered under the law as heterosexuals.

Which of course begs the question of just who or what “ex-gays” are oriented towards…

WilliamMarch 8, 2011 at 5:24 am -

Even if there are such people as “ex-gays” or “former homosexuals” – and if there are, they are as thin on the ground as lottery winners – “ex-gay” is no more a sexual orientation than “ex-Catholic” or “ex-Muslim” are religions.

Alvin FalafalMarch 8, 2011 at 8:45 am -

If “Ex-gays are a protected sexual orientation class” I guess we can assume that those who identify as such would have no problem recognizing the legitimacy of those who might identify as “Ex-Straight.” Not to suggest that anyone would be so self-despising as to adopt such a negative identity but the vast majority of us out & proud LGBT people did go through a period of stubble, trying to follow the herd and adhere to the restrictive mindset foisted on us by the heterosexual majority. No matter how long and difficult it may be for us to finally become confident & comfortable with our natural-born sexuality, we have no need to continue to use an identifier that refers to what we are NOT. Nor do we usually act on any possible misguided need to convince truly straight people that they have some kind of problem if they continue to live a “heterosexual lifestyle.” Sheesh. Why would we bother? Doing something as stupid as that wouldn’t fool anyone. It would only betray a pathetic insecurity or an all-too-obvious and feeble attempt to hide deep feelings of guilt and shame for trying to live a lie. Hmmmmmmm……

Richard RushMarch 8, 2011 at 9:36 am -

Based on my own justifiably arrogant personal experience as a Never-Straight, the only valid conclusion must be, “There is no such thing as a heterosexual, just homosexuals with a heterosexual problem.”

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