My Boss Is Not God

Sometimes getting unstuck takes divine help.

I really needed to leave my job. But with three children and an underemployed husband, I just didn't have the guts to simply walk away from my good-paying job as a reporter.

I'd worked at my paper more than six years, but for the final 18 months, under the regime of a new editor, what had been the most rewarding and fun job I'd ever had became instead a drudgework-filled agony.

Still, I was afraid of what would happen to us financially if I left. After adoption costs from our two youngest and the need to put a new roof on the house, we had racked up some debts. And my oldest son's bar mitzvah, and its attendant costs, were looming just a few months off.

So I slogged on. I dreamed of spending more time with my kids, especially my two youngest, special-needs preschoolers just 2 and 4 years old. I also wished I was tackling new challenges as a writer -- maybe doing less-stressful freelance work, or perhaps writing books instead of articles.

On Yom Kippur, I poured out my heart to God. He acted with startling swiftness.

On Yom Kippur, I poured out my heart to God. Show me the way to be with my children, I prayed. Help my husband to find the well-paid work he deserves. Let this be a year when our lives take a turn for the better.

Sometimes God sees we really need a kick to get headed in the direction our life needs to go. So after nearly seven years, more than 1,000 articles and eight national and regional awards, I was shlumping towards the door, carrying all my personal belongings in a heavy box. Ouch.

SIGNS

But as I reflected on what had happened, I felt a growing sense of serenity. Despite the shock of suddenly being out of a job, on my ferry ride home I found myself smiling wide as looked back over the past few days. I realized that without doubt, God had concocted this plan to jump me over the fears that were holding me back.

In particular, the day before my box-laden exodus from my own personal working-world Egypt, two things happened that shouted out to me that divine help was on the way. Of course, I failed to grasp their meaning until later.

The first: an unexpected challah sighting.

The week I got fired was to be the first week in many years that I was supposed to work outside my home on a Friday. I was filled with anxiety about how I would make Shabbos dinner happen, in particular how I would find time to pick up challah. I work in Seattle but live on an outlying island, so the logistics are difficult.

Then, on Wednesday, I ducked into a natural-foods market I rarely visit to grab a sack lunch to take to a downtown-Seattle lunch-and-learn session with my rabbi. And there, sitting at the very front of the baked goods, were a stack of fragrant, brown-paper-wrapped challahs.

I'd never seen challah in this store before, or from this bakery. It even had kosher certification, unusual for a Seattle grocery store outside of a couple of heavily Jewish neighborhoods. And it was Wednesday! I couldn't recall ever seeing challah put out before Thursday night at a grocery store.

The message was clear: God wanted me to stop worrying immediately about my ability to make Shabbos for my family. It was going to happen.

Of course, as it turned out, that Friday I would be no longer employed, so God was dropping a hint here. I was reassured about Shabbos dinner, but still a little dense about the comprehensive plan God had to solve my job problem.

Sign two: A t-shirt with a message.

When you're a reporter, you're constantly bombarded with swag. Companies send food, flowers, coffee beans, invitations to the theater, toys, bottles of wine... you name it. The hope is that I'll be inspired to write something lovely about their company. It almost never works, but the swag keeps on coming.

The last piece of swag I ever received at this job arrived the same day as the challah. It was a t-shirt from Volkswagen, crushed up into the shape of a tiny Beetle-shaped car.

I broke open the package and unfolded the very wrinkly, washed-blue shirt. The front bore just one word: "Goodness."

On the back, just a Web site address was printed. The URL? "Forceofgood.com."

At the time, I thought the shirt was cute, uplifting and would look good on my menschy, soon-to-be-bar-mitzvahed son. The shirt was his size.

I have to laugh now that I failed to pick up on this one. Force of Good? Volkswagen may be using that phrase to promote their newly redesigned Beetle, but through the Jewish eyes of someone with a job crisis, this message can only be viewed as a shout-out from the One who is the Force of Good in the universe. "Don't worry. I am arranging things for your benefit."

If I had any final doubts, a third sign came the day after my firing. I sat down to call all of my best sources. I thought I'd let them know I wasn't at the paper any more, and just say "Hey, thanks for all the help over the years." I thought they'd all say, "Oh -- well good luck, then." If that.

Instead, the response was overwhelming. "I can't envision that paper without you!" one said. One previous editor told me he thought I was the best hire he had ever made in his long career.

And with the praise came a surprise -- job leads. One source knew a local magazine they thought was hiring. "I'm emailing the editor about you now, while we're talking!" she said. At the end of the day, I had a page-long list of followup calls to make on Monday. My fears were put to rest -- another job surely was out there for me, if I wanted one.

At the Torah service the Saturday after my job ended, I stood with tears streaming down my face as the Torah was taken from the ark. I felt so lucky to be a Jew, to have this community and this belief system to remind me that though my job had been suddenly ripped away, all the truly important things remained the same. Two bar mitzvah boys stood on the bima, in the act of becoming Jewish adults, and the great cycle of Jewish life went on, as it has through the ages.

Outside the synagogue, the big community sukkah stood, a reminder of the temporariness of our lives.

My stress came from thinking my job would have to go on forever, no matter how unpleasant it became, when of course God designed the world so that all things change, and have an end. It was wrong to keep suffering at my job when God meant us to enjoy our every moment upon this Earth. It was time to move on, and when I needed help to do that, God was swift to provide it.

When we approached the time to sing one of my favorite opening songs, Ashreinu Mah Tov Helkaynu, I felt a moment of hesitation. Could I sincerely sing "Happy are we! How good is our portion!" now? Spontaneously, I found myself singing with more gusto than ever. How good is my portion, yes, even this week, especially this week. How great is my Jewish inheritance, giving me the tools to recognize God's help and to cope with life's uncertainties.

"Spread upon us your shelter of peace," we sang, later in the service, and I knew that prayer was answered, felt God's shelter of peace enfold me like a warm blanket.

This horrid boss was not my God, I realized. He had no true power over how my life will turn out.

The Force of Good had swept me up and set my life onto the right path again, and I realized I was finally ready to set out on this unfamiliar path, not afraid, but in joy.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 21

(21)
P.,
April 2, 2010 1:24 PM

Good vs. Evil

I have experienced quite recently a very unfair treatment at one company where I was employed for almost one year. The bosses there were afraid and tried to get rid of anyone with greater potential than they have.
I got eventually dismissed and the way it was done was really unforgettable...
I know that G-d has some much better plan with me than having to suffer under the dictatorship of such negative characters...

(20)
Michael Samuels,
November 4, 2005 12:00 AM

Don't feel like the lone ranger

I, too had a similar situation. It brought me closer to HaShem, because I realized it was for the sake of Heaven; as R Avika would say. Now, I am just getting back on my feet.

(19)
Ethan,
November 3, 2005 12:00 AM

Hard Hitting Title and Story

A wonderful story that can help even the most worn down individual re-discover what is important in life. I enjoyed this very much.

(18)
David A. Orange,
November 3, 2005 12:00 AM

Life is sweetest when we recognize that God dwells amidst us at all times; we have only to open our hearts to receive the messages.

I have numerous similar experiences and have learned to pay attention when God sends "Gmail".

(17)
ruth berkovits,
November 2, 2005 12:00 AM

Loved your story and emphathize with you.

I am now working at a job I love and G-d's Hand was with me until I landed here. Thank you for writing this beautiful article.

(16)
Adam Neira,
November 2, 2005 12:00 AM

Good Writing.

Good piece of writing !

Thank-you...

(15)
simone,
November 2, 2005 12:00 AM

Thank you so much!

Thank you so much for rreminding me this important lesson..!! I was lucky enough reading it together with my oldest daughter- which made this even more valuable..

(14)
Mrs. Pat Johnson,
November 2, 2005 12:00 AM

God knows how to encourage us with the victories He gives others!

Sometimes when the smallest decision seems impossibily monumental, God sends a fellow traveler with a story of encouragement to Trust God for that "fearful first step." Thank you, God and Simcha Shainhertz

(13)
marison,
November 1, 2005 12:00 AM

inspiring articles

featured writings are nourishment to my soul. thanks

(12)
Sophia,
November 1, 2005 12:00 AM

I applaud your reaction!

I love this article! It reminds me that we don't control situations, but we control our response to a situation. I applaud your response!

(11)
Ron Stone,
October 31, 2005 12:00 AM

thank you

this is a message from G-d to me. i just got let go at my stress filled job last week because i could not work on Rosh HaShanah. i have worked there 18 years . this is so enlighting for me thank you

(10)
Chaim Ephraim,
October 31, 2005 12:00 AM

'Signs'

I feel one of the ways Hashem definitely reveals Himself to us is through 'signs'.Thank you for sharing your 'signs' with us

(9)
Anonymous,
October 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Out of work, but not out of my mind in spite of it.

Indeed, if only something like this could happen to me also. I had bosses from Hell for years, and now I have been unemployed for years. It is as if there is no escape from what those bosses did to my reputation. Still, I am slugging at it every day, as if it was my first day without work. Hope springs eternal.

(8)
Anonymous,
October 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Beautiful!

It is spiritually satisfying to hear of others recognition and appreciation of Gods presence in our lives.

(7)
Susan Wells,
October 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Peace in the Fire...

Simcha's story brought me a sense of peace in the midst of my fiery storm. In my search for a job, I have felt pressure from my husband to take a job working for the Postal Service... the only problem I see in accepting the position is... they want me to work on the Sabbath to replace the regular Post Master so that he may take off Saturdays... I have felt MUCH stress in considering the job as I have gone thru the hiring process... Do I submit to my husband's wishes? Or obey God? His faulty reasoning is that God didn't say that Saturday was the Sabbath... only that we were to keep one day of the week as a Sabbath... I do not accept or believe his reasoning... and have respectfully told him so... hoping that as we traveled to Israel, he would see that the whole Jewish Community respects and keeps Holy the Sabbath... or at least honors it... It didn't help to persuade him... but Simcha's story helped to remind me that God is my ultimate Boss... and as I trust in Him, He will provide a way for me to pay my bills, while honoring Him... and my husband...

(6)
Anonymous,
October 31, 2005 12:00 AM

Me too!

I read your article the other day and all I could think was, "Oh, I wish that could happen to me!" My job had started out with great promise but became so stressful, and I could feel the growing hostility as I became more religious. Each day I would daven that Hashem would give me an easier life and less pressure. I thought of quitting but I'm not a quitter. Well, today I was suddenly told that this was my last day at work because the place was downsizing. I was, and am, so happy! My kids and my good friends are all telling me Mazel Tov, and my dear, sweet husband is totally supportive. All I want to do is relax and take a breather for a while, but there are some possibilities out there in the future, much, much better for me than this was. Hashem really knows what is right for us and when!

(5)
Judy Speezak,
October 30, 2005 12:00 AM

Inspiring article!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article and was inspired by the way the writer took the changes in her stride, knowing they were for good. May Ms. Shainhertz be blessed with the creative challenges of a new job very soon.

(4)
chaim,
October 30, 2005 12:00 AM

very good article

this article was very emotional ,because it shows g-d is always helping people he may not be helping me at this moment but he is with someone else who really needs his help right know as we all do.

(3)
Sarah,
October 30, 2005 12:00 AM

thanks for sharing

Yes, it was absolutely God's will in action to leave the unpleasant job. Too often that we are limited by our short eyesight and cowardice to act out of rightness and goodness for ourselves.

(2)
Anonymous,
October 30, 2005 12:00 AM

thank you

Thank you for this article. I too am at a crossroads in my life. After having worked for 24 years in my field I am considering leaving my job in order to start investing more in my family (all young children aged 10 and down). It's a scary prospect, because I kind of let my "career" define me even though I'm not really a career woman. It's time to let my husband pick up the reins and start bringing in the money while I exit the world of corporate politics of which I've become sick and tired. Being home with the kids still scares me but I guess I don't have to stay there if I don't like it. One thing I'm pretty sure of though is that I'm fed up with trying to climb the corporate ladder. I don't think I need them to write "she made Manager" on my gravestone.
I hope I have the courage to make the right move and I am also davening that God should give me the clarity and strength to do what I feel I really should do.

(1)
Deborah Scop,
October 30, 2005 12:00 AM

Deja Vu all over again?

I smiled when I read your story. It sounds so familiar. For one, I had worked at my job of seven years as associate producer/writer at a national cable news channel when I was fired, for, of all things, being unable to come home from a Pesach trip to Israel with my 7-1/2 month old baby girl who had rolled off the bed in our rented Old City apartment and fractured her skull. Her fall happened the night before we were supposed to leave for home, and we had to stay an extra two and a half -three weeks.
I also saw Hashem's hand in what happened. For one thing, I was also increasingly miserable there but I would never have quit on my own. The paycheck and benefits were too attractive. Also, my husband and I had always wanted to move to Israel, and our extended stay gave us access to many more opportunities.
I also got to try being a mother full-time. With my first baby now 25 months, and a new four-month-old baby girl, I'm enjoying the best job I ever had. I also thank Hashem every day for sending me in the right direction.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!