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My Husband Loves Boobs

I remember having a conversation years ago with a lady about breastfeeding etiquette. She had whipped it out in sacrament meeting and I was a little astonished.

“Isn’t that why we have mother’s lounges in every church?” I prodded.
She replied, “What’s the difference in me breastfeeding my kid and you feeding your baby a bottle in church?
Um, I thought that the answer was obvious, but she was awaiting a reply.
“The difference is simple really: Your boob.”

(Hello to you, if you are reading this – I am sure you will make your opinion on the matter known.)

“My husband does not want to be looking at that.”
And he didn’t. He was the one that brought my attention to the boob in the first place.

Guess what? Over the years, I have discovered something. My husband does want to be looking at that! He’s a man. He has a thing for boobs. That’s what men do. They start life on their mom’s and work their way up to having free access to their wife’s. It’s the perk of marriage. At least that’s how it is at our house. I don’t know how it is for you flat chested ladies.

I know it’s all trendy right now to advocate for mom’s rights to whip it out, but really, can we not be considerate for other people? Especially other ladies who don’t want their husbands to have any temptation? I hope you don’t think I am 100% serious. My husband isn’t some creep who goes around stalking lactating liberals. But, there is always an awkward moment for him when a woman whips it out with no shame.

I am assuming the moment goes something like this in his mind:
“Should I look? Should I not look? Boy, I think I could look and still get into heaven.”

My hubby sent me a link about a lady with a Breastfeeding truck. who has been featured recently in the news.
It showcases a woman’s desire to create a place where mom’s can breastfeed comfortably and privately.

Bless you, Jill Miller.

Now, all my hubby has to do when he is feeling kind of desperate is look at the huge nipple on top of your private place. Nice. At least your way he can still get into heaven.

Oh, if you didn’t read the article, I’ve got to let you in on the best part. The author says fictionally to her children,”No children, that’s not an ice-cream truck, stay away, it’s a milk truck.”

I bet some moms in South America who are still breastfeeding their 8-year-olds are wishing they could get a milk-truck in their country.

Oh, here is a place you can buy a classy udder cover. Or if you are the typical Mormon mommy who likes to be crafty, go here to learn how to make your very own baby blanket. Because even though we live in a fancy schmancy 21st century where we have to have every product on the market, a baby blanket really works for everything.
At least that’s what I think every time I see someone walking around with one of these. Of course it’s so cute; Cally made it.
But really, I had four kids and used a blanket to cover my car seat with every one and it worked out just fine.

Coming soon: a post about the versatility of baby blankets.
Oh and for you la leche nazis, I did breastfeed. I have nothing against it. Nothing at all.
Unless it’s you, and you are all hanging out in front of my man.

93 comments

Our culture fetishizes breasts, but like so many other parts of the body they have a dual (or more) purpose.

Know what happens when people get all freaked out about other people's sexuality? Think about it. I myself think I would find a burqa uncomfortable, hot, and confining.

Frankly, during my years of breastfeeding babies and toddlers, I was far more concerned with meeting my babies' needs for food and comfort than anyone else's need to avoid tripping and falling into the pit of hell because they glimpsed my breast.

I'm just grateful that my husband's sexuality is under his control such that other women's bared breasts (for the purposes of feeding a baby or because they like to wear revealing clothing) are not a concern. But if those breasts were a concern, it would be my husband's problem, not the women behind said breasts!

Some of you godless liberals are missing the point. Nursing is like gateway porn for sexually repressed Mormon men, all of whom become addicted for life to masturbation, pornography, and the Democratic Party instantly upon seeing a new mother feeding her child.

Renee and Donna. CRACKED ME UP! Anonymous mean lady, you're scary. Brighton's Mom, you hit the nail on the head regarding why women shouldn't run around showing “stuff.” We tell our young daughters to “cover up” for the same reason nursing moms should cover up. And when I say “cover up” while nursing, it doesn't have to be with some comforter or even an “udder cover” thing. I've nursed for over 10 years and have used anything from a blanket to my shirt to my head! I've never flashed anyone and my babies have all nursed happily in such circumstances. Boobs serve many purposes. Baseball bats serve many purposes. Umbrellas serve many purposes. And this is where wisdom comes into play.

I think covering up in public is about respect. Respect for people in your presence. Respect for yourself. Respect for modesty. Lastly respect for your child and your other children. I can't name one person who would be happy that other people saw their moms “boob”, accidentally, intentionally, or sexually. Am I alone in this?

Wow Alice…congrats on getting the most comments I've ever seen on a blog with the exception of The Pioneer Woman.

Here's a question for the forum: if it's okay to expose yourself in public to breastfeed, is it okay to pump in public? Afterall, the act will provide nourishment for the baby…just not right at that moment.

Many companies are now offering private rooms where working moms can pump during the day, along with fridges for them to store their milk? I think it's an awesome idea for many reasons, including the fact that it's a PRIVATE room. Because you know what, I don't want to walk-in on my co-worker pumping in her office…or taking up a stall for 20 minutes in the ladies room…or storing breast milk in the fridge that 80 of us share.

I prefer that women cover-up. My husband, father, brother and brother-in-laws all feel the same way.

I have remained silent only because I've had enough experience on the internet to know that some people come here for their sole entertainment and there is no reasoning with them.

I will not argue with you people.

I am funny. Sometimes I am not funny. Apparently it depends solely on your sense of humor.

I don't care if you throw darts at my head, but when you mess with my husband it takes me a day to calm down before writing my response.

You see, I like to be nice. And I would never dream of attacking you personally…even if you are the woman who leaves her boob hanging out for everyone to see.

I am so glad I also have funny friends who make me laugh. Very important among the haters. Making my friends smile is the only reason I keep blogging. I am glad so many of you got a laugh or two, if not from me, from my even funnier friends.

My husband and I did have words regarding his reputation online only because you crazies all turned him into a perv. There would have been nothing wrong if it weren't for those of you who took this post, sucked all the humor out of it, and started interpreting it how you may.

LG is not a perv. He is the kindest man in the universe and he doesn't go around checking out women while they are nursing. (Let's make that absolutely clear for all you nursing moms at church, because the kind of person that he is, that was the first thing that he worried about – making a nursing mom uncomfortable) He does look away as quickly as possible. He didn't even watch me while nursing 3 of my 4 children most of the time.

He prefers my boobs without nursing bras and without milk that squirts all over him. Not saying there is anything wrong with that, if that's your husband's thing..which for some of you, I do so hope that it is.

For LG's potential employers or his current employers: beware, the man loves boobs. He is a boob guy. Plain and simple. I do flash him a peek now and again, and I'm pretty sure it's enough for him, for the time being. When my boobs start to sag another few feet, you may have a problem on your hands…or you may need to give him a raise so that I can get the twins lifted. Because, let's face it, some of these haters did have a point, unless he gets his boob fix often enough, he may never be an ideal employee.

Unless, of course, some of these more liberal nursing women need a job in the software business and become employed by you also….hmm…I may have just thought of a great Christmas bonus for an office full of mostly (if not all) heterosexual men.

“You see, I like to be nice. And I would never dream of attacking you personally”

Rich. Smashing Loralee because multiple people linked your nuts blog post in her comments and she's a huge blogger? People have their opinions. Most over there with the exception of a couple are nice. I've read her for 3 years and am a loyal loyal fan and reader. She is nice and is known for being so. If something rankles her people know it is with good reason. And she never attacks and never encourages it. And she actually sides on pubic nurings more with you on this than other people. And you blame her for people thinking this post is whack and then make fun the very real struggles she's had because people coming here and reading and deciding this post is awful? Loralee's Looney Tunes IS the name of her blog. Wanna know why?

She had a 5 month old baby die and had a breakdown. She tries to make the best of it. She has explained the name for her title. Not that you care. You're too busy being “Nice”.

Personally, the only reason I breastfeed my babies is so that I can show my nipples in public, particularly in sacrament meeting. That is why I put up with cracked and bleeding nipples, clogged ducts, mastitis, nursing strikes, and nursing for well over two years. I just really enjoy watching men become aroused in sacrament meeting. I am that hot nursing mom, by the way – who whips out her breast in church while eyeing your husband seductively. I also nurse because I believe in the ideals of Hitler's National Socialist movement, and enjoy the opportunity to finally claim my “Nazi” label publicly. Because, as we all know, next to the massacre of 6 million Jews, the next group to be associated with the moniker “Nazi” are absolutely La Leche League Leaders.

I wish you would reference accurately what you are talking about that occurred on my facebook because I slightly remember people being upset by something that I said one time, but I have no recollection what really happened and if you are going to throw me under the bus on my own blog, I would appreciate you being forthright for my readers who actually like me.

I sincerely hope that if you have such problems with me that you de-friended me on facebook because it kind of creeps me out that you are stalking me.

I am white trash, so you saying that to me doesn't hurt. You are going to have to get a whole lot more personal to hurt me. I am proud of the battles that I fight every day to overcome my weaknesses. I don't know why you can show such compassion for a complete stranger on the internet, but can't show an ounce of decency to me.

FYI – if you really want to hurt me, go for the sincere pain I carry around inside. You could call me fat. You could reference the marital struggles I have had (although I promise that you have no idea what they are). You could make fun of my mental illness. How about my struggles with codependency, that's kind of raw at times.

I wish you would come out in the open so we could talk like adults.

I truly worry about your mental stability….something that I am very familiar with. I would love to help you through any of your struggles. I have helped many in their time of need, but it required them being humble enough to ask for it.

What you are doing here may be the norm on many blogs on the internet, but theyare blogs that I try to avoid because I truly don't need more drama in my life.

Apparently, you do. I urge you to ask yourself why you are acting this way? If you have some old business with me, I encourage you to come to me and talk it over because I would love to apologize to your face. I would also love for you to alleviate some of your own burdens that you are obviously carrying around every day.

I regret leaving a comment on loralee's blog. 100%. Because guess what? My post didn't bother my hubby at all. Not a bit. He gets my sense of humor. Your hurtful comments about HIM and HIS WIFE did hurt him and therefore that hurts me too.

I didn't have any idea about Loralee's struggles. I just went over there on a recommendation from a friend after reading this post.

I have total empathy for her in her plight and would never make fun of her in healthfully trying to handle her trials. I offer you the same courtesy. I obviously hit some kid of chord with you, and if you truly are looney, I mourn WITH you. However, if you are just mean, then I reserve my right to call you looney til the cows come home because that is how I deal with the hurt that you are so set on dishing out to me.

And all this drama on this post hasn't done an ounce of good for promoting my blog. And even though I would love more readership, I will shut this whole thing down in 2 seconds if I had to choose between it and my God or my husband.

To my other readers: I won't tell you what to do, but I encourage you to NOT respond to anonymous because I think we are just egging her/him on.

Man,I hate anonymous. I am truly going to be sulking around my house all day wondering which one of my friends I should be praying for.

I will be praying for you. Sincerely praying for you. And praying for me to love you. I will not respond to another one of your comments on here, but feel free to shoot away at your will because we live in America, and the internet is a place where our right to free speech still runs strong. So fortunate for people like you who prefer not to communicate in person.

Alice, now you see why it was so sad for you to move away. While they were picking on you,they were leaving me alone! I have not commented on a blog before but comments on Facebook made me curious.I must be missing something because I do not see how someone nursing in public making someone uncomfotable, lead to all this. Blogs are like T.V. shows, if you don't like it-don't watch it.I do have a problem with someone posting the husband's full name, employer and occupation-'Anonymously'. If you disagree with the blog, take it up with her instead of attacking a man's reputation that you do not know. Also I felt I had to address the comment about Alice referring to the other blogger. I've walked in that lady's shoes. I lost my youngest son in a car accident along with what sanity I had left-but you know who the first person I saw walking in carrying all her arms could hold that day? Alice that's who. She did not mean harm to anyone.If half of you who posted would e-mail the President instead, maybe Grandma will get her Social Security check next month!

Alice … I love you … I think you are very funny … not only funny but incredibly talented and gifted!! You are an amazing wife and mom and I am proud to call you my friend!!! I also, have the utmost respect for your hub … he is a good man!! PLEASE don't listen to this hateful annonymous person … you are so NOT the person they say you are!!! None of us are perfect so Annonymous needs to stop throwing stones and “man up” … you at least deserve the courtesy of knowing who is running you in the ground!! Move on my friend … those that know you, love you … JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!!

Your comments in response to anonymous and others who disagreed with this post are completely immature. I'm sure you're smart enough to know that this topic is extremely controversial, regardless of how white trash you claim to be, so you should have been prepared to handle the consequences.

Mormons often hold themselves to a high standard but you have shown none of that in this instance. Honestly people like you are a big part of the reason I left the LDS church; you go around saying how much you love God and your religion but then the next second you are telling someone you hate them (like you did to anonymous). If I remember correctly Jesus did not spread the word about hating people if they are mean to you…perhaps you missed the lesson about turning the other cheek.

If you are upset with the people who disagreed with you, fine. Say so respectfully and move on. No need to be passive aggressive and insult anonymous the way she did to you. It's hypocritical and childish.

Despite having left the church, I often seek out blogs written by Mormons because I find them to be positive and uplifting. I haven't seen much of that here and will definitely not be returning (along with many others, given the comments I've seen).

I've got to say, as and LDS mother, I find this post kind of embarrassing. I'm not unsympathetic to the fact that it makes folks uncomfortable or might make a priesthood holder squirm. I feel sympathy for the man, truly I do. But I feel it's insulting to your man and all priesthood holders to say “put those fun bags away, lest my husband fall into temptation”. That is so unfair. Yes, men like boobs, yes men are deeply stimulated by the visual. But is that all that they are? The Good Lord equipped men with the gift of reason and paternity and compassion, do we think this little of our men that we expect these traits and virtues to be no match against the biological forces of the natural man? How sad, how very very sad. I think there are more issues at play here in the cover up debate than you are acknowledging. Breastfeeding needs to be normalized, our priesthood holders would sure benefit from this. He wouldn't have the to do the do i look to I not look dance in his mind if it was something that was socially acceptable, he would think oh look she is feeding her baby and then go about his business. As part of a multi cultural extended family, many of whom are worthy priesthood holders, I can tell you that none of them are uncomfortable at the sight of a nursing breast. Doesn't phase them. You know why? They grew up with it. We'd do our children a service by allowing them the same exposure (no pun intended) to the normal nursing dyad. And while it may have been easy for you to nurse covered, or for many of you commenters, but there are those of use for whom it was truly a challenge. One I believe we shouldn't have to face if we don't want to. Covering and retreating with my first child was difficult and caused me much depression. Yes, depression. No, I'm not exaggerating the condition or the cause. If you only knew what it does to some women. As one latter day saint mom to another, all sarcasm aside, I'm sincerely asking you to read these blogposts. As Sisters In Zion we are supposed to bear one another's burdens and support eachother, as members of the church we are supposed to yolk to one another. This hardly seems supportive to me. Just think about it from a few other perspectives.

I just wanted to let you know I'm standing with you. Whether I agreed with you or not was NOT the point … this post was FUN–NY! Which, I think, IS your point! LOL!!

I had never heard of you or your blog before today, and although I'm so sorry for the hurt it caused you, I am so thankful for all the hoop-la, otherwise I may never have found you!

And for the record, I am not LDS, although I am what most would consider an ultra-conservative, right-wing Christian.

I am now following your blog in my Google Reader “favorites” folder (be impressed! It is unheard of for a new-to-me blog to go directly into my favorites folder! LOL!)and I “liked” you on facebook. I am greatly admiring your grace under pressure and have been so encouraged by you today!

Theresa, who is logging in under her google account even though she doesn't blog anymore 'cuz I don't want to be thought of as anonymous … hah!

Wow, all these women who are all for whipping the boobs out to feed a baby where-ever and when ever cuz boobs are not just for sex…let me just say I am sooo thankful GOD did not design babies to nurse from the penis…cuz I would hate to see those whip out everywhere!! would your opinion be different then? every part of out body has multiply uses, use wisdom and mondesty at all times.

Honestly, when women nurse in public, either nothing or at the very least, a tiny sliver of skin is exposed. Those women who just open up their shirts and let their whole chest hang out are like 1 out of 300. So, with that being said, the fact that your husband doesn't want to see a woman nurse her baby bc of the temptation and the fact that you are concerned about his temptation in seeing it concerns me. Any man who gets aroused by watching a child nurse is questionable. Be honest with yourself. This isn't because he sees breasts. The child's head is in the way so the most he sees is a little bit of skin. If my husband got turned on by a choked nursing I would be VERY concerned. Little children should never arouse anyone.

Thank goodness for LG! I have been afraid all these years that I was the only man on the planet who liked boobs. Now I can actually take those “illustrative” National Geographic out from under my mattress and display them proudly on the coffee table without feeling like a pervert.

News alert to all you women out there- men LOVE boobs! It's that simple. We have no control over it. It's called testosterone. Our fascination with boobs begins at about 9 or so (minutes that is, not months or years), and ends when they are shoveling dirt on our cold dead bodies. We don't make any distinction about the purpose of the delightful mammary gland- we just love them and love to see them any chance we get. It has nothing to do with the baby. If you want to make it easy for us to sneak a peek- NO PROBLEM. You have my permission.

You may think you are only breastfeeding your kid, but to a man, when you pull your milk jugs out like that in public, it is like winning the lottery (sorry, I meant Ward raffle). Don't you know that breasts were actually invented for husbands; we only lend them out, and begrudgingly at that, so that our offspring won't die. In my opinion, it's a shame so many people bottle-feed their children nowadays.

So while it is your legal right to breastfeed in public, it is also my legal right to WATCH you breastfeed in public (so long as my wife isn't watching me watching you). I am a happily married father of six kids, and I am not a PERVERT. At least not any more perverted than the average testosterone ridden male.

Hey Anonymous Dad, you getting excited over seeing a little bit of my skin doesn't phase me. You comment like we are supposed to be embarrassed that you get off on it or something. I couldn't care less. What I do care about is a man who gets excited seeing a child sucking on a breast. Creeper much? I mean, if my husband found women nursing sexual, I would ask him to seek counseling. Yeah, he likes boobs. I've got a great pair. But when I nurse? Thank God he isn't a pervert.

To former member: You just don't get it do you?! It has nothing to do with breastfeeding, which I don't find interesting in the least. It's the boobs! Covering up or going to the lounge when you breastfeed is a sign of respect for the people around you. Of course you don't have to do it, but you can choose to do it. My opinion is that some people care more about their right to breastfeed in public than they have respect and concern for those around them. It's all about YOU YOU YOU! Sure you may try to rationalize it any way you like using whatever argument you like, but a modest women covers up or goes outside, or preferably, BOTH- goes outside and covers up. This is the definition of modesty- caring more about the feelings of others than about your own.

Wow. This post is just… I don't know. I can see that you were trying to be funny but shaming other women and defining men by their basest selves is not really funny. You even threw in a potshot at “flat-chested women”. Think of it this way, “My husband is a belly man, he loves my flat belly. I don't know about you fat girls out there.” We can say that we're just being funny and other people don't get it but when being funny hurts someone else, it's no longer funny. When you say that you were just being funny and that your husband isn't pervy, do you mean that he doesn't actually enjoy watching someone nurse? I've yet to meet a man who can get turned on by a nursing breast. It might clear things up a bit to say that he does NOT in fact “want to be looking at that!”That said, some of the commenters were simply awful to you and I'm sorry that you've had to go through that, I know it sucks. Of course, if you write about controversial topics, even in an effort to be funny, you're going to get flak. Also, I don't see how this comes back to Loralee? Someone else posted the link in her comments (I think?). I hope that you are able to recover from this experience quickly and maybe learn something about the pitfalls involved in posting your opinions about other people. Peace.

Hi Alice,I'm a new reader coming over from Loralee's blog, which I found from Annie's PhD in Parenting blog. So both you and Loralee's blogs are new to me. I am not LDS and have not breastfed yet as I have not given birth. I am a little unsure how much of your blog is intended satire and how much is your opinion. I definitely think that women should strive for modesty in area of their lives to bring honor to the Lord. However, since the Bible doesn't specifically mention modesty in breastfeeding, it is up to each individual to search their heart to discover what they feel God wants from them. This may be different from woman to woman. It is the same for the husbands and men. God made them to love the female body, and that is a beautiful thing. But it is up to the men to strive for God's perfection and choose to turn from any temptations in their lives. I personally find it a little odd that a man would see a nursing mother sexually, but if that is something that turns him on, it should drive him to his wife, who can actually meet his sexual needs.

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LOL @ “At least he can still get into heaven.” Well, men do love boobs a lot – it is a natural instinct for them to love it. No wonder many ladies who are not blessed with big, natural boobs want to have breast implants and other boob surgeries.

I breast feed my child in public. I think the child is the first priority here. If my child is hungry, and his supply of nourishment is nearby via my breasts, guess what? He's getting fed.

Your husband's reaction and/or behavior is not my responsibility–it is his. And, in fact, he should be a gentleman and show some respect for a mother and her helpless, innocent baby by averting his eyes if it offends him–or you. I don't care if he looks. I've got a child to feed.

Your outlook is teetering on the edge of deviant. It's a perfectly normal function and this country's taboos — many religiously imposed — are nothing short of perverted.

Oh, and by the way, I'm slender and have beautiful, full and round 34 DD breasts. 🙂

I don’t get turned on by any woman, regardless of how attractive she is, when she breast feeds her kid. It just simply isn’t “sexy” to me. I am very comfortable with myself, my body, and others’ bodies. Nudity does not bother me. Breastfeeding in public, especially in church makes me uncomfortable because I have a fear (call it unfounded if you will, but it is a fear nonetheless) of being labeled a perv if someone thinks that I looked at a breast feeding mother’s breast. I similarly fear being labeled a prude if I seem like I am attempting to not look.

Bottom line is it makes a lot of men, women and kids uncomfortable to see a breast in public, and especially in church. For that reason, breast feeding mothers should be considerate, and be discrete. I am not saying don’t do it in public; just that it isn’t that much of an inconvenience to be discrete.