(Closed) FH acts like a 5 year old…

When it comes to going to the dentist, trying to get FH to go is like pulling teeth (pardon the pun). It’s ridiculous. He’s 31. He whines about it like a baby. I get that he’s had bad experiences (he has fillings in most of his teeth) but he doesn’t seem to understand how importatnt the dentist is.

TBH, his teeth kind of gross me out sometimes. They get pretty bad, and his breath goes along with it. It’s not that bad yet, but it’ll get there. How do I convince a grown man to grow the F up and go to the dentist regularly.

As someone who has a very severe fear of the dentist and needles, I don’t care if I seem like I’m 5. I’m fucking scared.

I know it’s important.

I know it needs to be done.

But if he’d anything like me, you don’t just fuck around and dismiss a fear. I’m 26, I’ve been to the dentist as much as anybody else, but it never gets any easier. Last time I had a root canal — They had to put me in a dark room so I’d stop hyperventilating. My insurance didn’t cover any form of sedation so they I had to endure. I will whine until the days up to it because I don’t want to go because I will flip my shit.

I also HATE the dentist. I like to make my appointments first thing in the morning. It means I have to be late for work, but I don’t care. I’d rather get up, get ready, and deal with it immediately than go to work and just wait for the appointment time to roll around. Ugh.

@Hyperventilate: I am terrified of the idea of having a cavity, i’m 30 and have never had one…the idea of having a cavity filled terrifies me but I’ll deal with it if i have to. IF he needs to be sedated, we can pay for it. Thankfuly we have a pretty good dental plan so if that’s not covered we can manage it.

@MsGinkgo: The “idea of” something fear and the fear of actually doing it is two different planets. I’m afraid of the idea of drowning, but I haven’t drowned, so that fear doesn’t strike me as intensely as looking at the doors of one of my number one fears. It’s one thing to say “I’m afraid of X” and it’s another to actually look that fear in the face and meet it head on.

It’s always a good thing to have some form of sedation covered, because even if it isn’t fear that stops him, but if either of you ever need a long surgical procedure it will make things so much easier.

@MsGinkgo: Yeah, I would not try to make him go or even bitch about him not going. I would just not want to kiss him so much and when he asks why not? I’d tell him he’s grossing me out. I had a similar situation with my Fiance, but a doctor, not a dentist. He didn’t want to ask how to fix “problem A”. And then he wondered why I was acting weird. So I told him “Look, you obviously don’t care about fixing “problem A”, so you obviously don’t care about the problem that it’s causing between you and me now. And I will do the same thing when he needs to brush his teeth. If he wanted to kiss me he’d just go do it. I cannot just kiss through morning breath and morning mouth slime. Gak! Once he fixes the problem I’ll be more than happy to stick my tongue down his throat, if that’s what he wants.

ETA: I saw your reply about feeling mean for telling him. It’s really not mean though. First it’s grossing you out. And second, what if he’s got bad breath at the office or whatever, he has no idea. People might be talking about him behind his back. You don’t have to say it in a mean way. I don’t say it in a mean way, like OMG you are disgusting! No, nothing like that. More like a pouty “Please go fix this.” *insert smile.

I’ve been there, I was terrified of the dentist and put it off for 4 years (partly due to no benefits after my job loss). I went last month b/c I want to take better care of myself before baby comes. I had a filling done and realized that these last 29 years I’ve been terrified for NO reason. I didn’t even feel the filling, it was no big deal at all.

@MsGinkgo: It’s ana wful cycle because the less often he goes the more likely he is going to need painful dental work when he does actually go. I go in every 6 months for a cleaning like clockwork because I am terrified of needing painful dental work.

Have you researched local dentists to see if one in your area specializes in squeamish patients? My current dentist is very aware of my fear of needles and not being old step by step what is being done during my cleanings and the few fillings I have had done. It’s even written in my chart for the hygienists.

Another option may be getting a really good cleaning under sedation like laughing gas so he is calmer. For some people nitrous oxide isn’t enough so they go under twilight sedation for annual or bi-annual cleanings. Or maybe going to a dental office that doesn’t feel like a dental office will calm him down.

@MsGinkgo: I have anxiety about the dentist too. Suggest twilight/sedation dentistry. There are many places who offer this, they basically knock you out in order to perform dentistry that others could normally just stand through a novacain shot and being awake.