One of the worst things to do is make a snap decision. Another helpful resource for women who don’t trust their partners is My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me. If you want to stay married, learn from couples who survived and thrived after an affair. And remember that it takes months – or even years – to learn how to trust your husband again.

These tips are inspired by a reader who doesn’t know if she should stay married. “I recently found romantic emails and lewd pictures,” says F. on Is Your Husband Lying About Cheating? 4 Ways to Tell. “Since then I’m trying to grapple with the reality of a cheating husband, whether or not I want to stay in the relationship and if so, how to work towards a better marriage. If I decide to leave, get myself enough support and become financially stable for myself and my newborn.”

What NOT to Do When You Don’t Trust Your Husband

“My husband of 15 years has always included me in everything,” says A. “We were like best friends up until about a month ago. He says nothing is going on but I am so sick to my stomach. I found his cell phone with very graphic details about the girl and my husband. Does anyone please have any advice for me?”

Believe your husband’s lies over what you see, hear, and know

Betrayal is awful to live through. And when your husband lies to your face, you know you can’t trust him! But, you have to be strong. Trust your gut and reality. Don’t let yourself be deceived by his lies – that’s one of the worst things to do when you don’t trust your husband because it’ll keep you stuck in a bad marriage longer. That’ll negatively affect you and your kids. Plus, if he’s having an affair, he may pass a STD to you.

Relationship Help

The best – and hardest – thing to do is accept reality as soon as possible. Of all the comments I get from readers, the most common ones are from women who refuse to accept that they simply can’t trust their husbands anymore. It’s easier in the short-term to keep limping along in the marriage. If you don’t trust your husband because you believe he’s cheating on you, read 11 Signs of a Cheater.

Let him get away with half-truths and deceptions

What to Do When You Don’t Trust Your Husband

“On our cell phone bill, we were charged over usage charges due to too many text messages,” says P. “I noticed that he had texted a specific number over 200 times over the last two weeks. When I confronted him about it, he played it off like no big deal. I let a day go by before confronting again. He then told me he and a much younger friend met a couple of girls at a bar and my husband was just being the ‘wingman’ for his friend…. I need some advice on what to do or how to go about confronting him again.”

It’s tough to give tips when I don’t know anything about the husband’s or wife’s personality! But, I’d keep telling my husband that I feel scared, hurt, betrayed, confused, and frustrated. I’d keep asking him to be honest with me…and I’d keep checking those phone bills. I wouldn’t let him get away with brushing me off – I’d consider separation before accepting his lies.

Make a snap decision to leave or stay

On Should I Leave My Cheating Husband? The Best Reason to Stay Married, marriage coach Mort Fertel says marriage can get stronger after infidelity. Some marriages thrive after an affair; others wither away. Which will yours be? To find out, don’t make a snap or impulse decision about your future. One of the worst things to do when you don’t trust your husband is to make decisions that put you at a disadvantage (eg, moving out of the house and letting him stay). Instead of deciding right away, talk to people you trust.

Ask the internet what to do when you don’t trust your husband

My friends, you have to be really careful about asking for advice on the ‘net! The only people you should get marriage advice from are wise mentor-type people. Counselors, pastors, happily married folks, smart people you trust. When you ask strangers for advice, you could be mislead because people don’t know you, your husband, or your marriage. I don’t think anyone would deliberately mislead you (I hope they wouldn’t!), but they don’t know all the facts so they can’t give you as good advice as someone in person can.

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Welcome - I'm glad you're here! I can't give advice, but you're welcome to share your experience below. I'm a writer in Vancouver; my degrees are in Psychology, Education, and Social Work. I live with my husband, two dogs, and cat. We are childless, & have made peace with it. It helps to love Jesus :-)

12 Responses

Hi I need help I been married for 7 years I have a boy ,my husband just told me he was talking to a girl but nothing happened he cheated before about 5 years ago I’m going crazy I do not trust him at all. I told him to live and while he was taking his clothes my aaron walk in and saw him putting all his stuff in a suit case. My son started crying and told him not to live so he stay. Now I don’t know what to do I need help should I give him another chance?

Ive been married 1 year and my husband has cheated on me 6 months of our marriage with his ex. He never married her but they were off and on for 20 years. He kept telling me it was over with her to find out they were still missing around. He says now they don’t speak and it’s over and he wants take things right in our marriage. I don’t trust him cause he’s lied so much. He said he had a heart condition with her she was his first love and it was hard getting over her. But all he wants is his marriage now. I don’t know if I can trust him again. I feel she is waiting in the wings.

Hi There, I’m so so so confused! In August
2014, I found out my husband was cheating on me with my ex ex best friend despite sooo many denials and promises that he wanted me. A polygraph confirmed my suspicion.After several months, promises not to talk to the opposite sex online, and trying to rebuild trust, I found out he messaged his ex, telling her he’d be an hour away from her for a work related trip. What should I do? We’ve been reading a marriage book, and he even supposedly told a another female (his boss) that they shouldn’t go out for lunch solo. HELP!

Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to stop your husband from cheating. He has to take responsibility and be a good husband to you. You can’t make him change who he is.

The question to ask yourself is, “Can you live with a husband you don’t trust?”

I pray for healing in your marriage, for peace in your spirit, and for joy in your soul. May God give you clarity and wisdom to decide what to do in your marriage, and a sense of confidence and serenity that He is watching over you. May you listen to your heart and mind, and make decisions that are healthy and life-affirming. I pray for healing not only in your marriage, but also in your own body, spirit, and mind.

I have caught my husband with his mistresses at various times in our marriage of over 30 years. i have confronted him and he says he cannot stop committing adultery. We get on well and do communicate within and outside the home so i do not have a clue what the problem is and how to make him desist. please join me in prayers

I caught my husband emailing “gym-friends” with an email that he doesn’t know I have access too. I did some detective work & not only found his email address, but hacked into it. Found the girls emails & phone numbers but got their photos etc., off of Facebook. The emails that were sent back & forth weren’t of any sexual nature just “hi” or “I’m tired, how are you?” basics, but that’s how it starts, w/ the basics. That’s how I met my husband, by a simple “hello”… As I confronted my husband, not only did he deny it, he said “what proof is there that I’ve done anything wrong?” as he said this, the emails to & from these girls were deleted. As if that was going to make a difference, I had already read them, and gotten the information I needed. I wrote one of the girls an email, confronting her, she asked to talk to me & we talked on the phone, she too, denied any external contact w/ my husband other than “in the gym” (she was lying as well). She claimed that it could “look” bad b/c where ever she goes, he goes, elliptical machines, weights etc. She then informed me that my husband said he was “unhappy in our marriage” & how she said “it can’t be that bad”… She went on to say that my husband is VERY social w/ 12 people at the gym, not just her, & how he’s outgoing. It baffles me as he’s an introveret w/ me & our lives. She “thought” our family was the norm, I corrected her & informed her of our child who is special needs & the details surrounding that, I also informed her of my illness’ that include 24+ Rx’s to live, w/ a handicap license plate & require a cane for mobility. She didn’t realize the depth. She tried to “empathize” & say that she understood as her son has ADHD, uh, get back to me when you’re child has had over 5 surgeries since birth & can’t do much other than barely feed himself. It’s clear that my husband has painted this picture of his life that is one way when it’s missing a big portion. It’s not her fault & at the same time, I’m just angry that she LIED to cover HER butt about talking to my husband outside of the gym. She lied about having any contact w/ my husband! I saw the emails, I know what was said, & although it wasn’t sexual or nasty, still…she had contact & denied it. Why lie if there is nothing to hide? My husband, he’s also a big fat liar. A secret email account, secret communications, friendships, it’s not right. If I confront him, he’ll twist it around & make me look like the crazy one, it’s impossible to resolve an issue if you can’t even be honest. Why can’t he be honest about his outside communication? He lied & is continuing to lie.
His new email address, he has his name & his 3 biological children’s names, he neglected to include any part of MY name or his step-son (my son from a previous relationship) name. That hurts. He made a user name & didn’t include me or his step-sonn, only himself & his bio-kids. Like those kids are there for life, but myself & my son aren’t.

I’m lost, confused, devastated & don’t know what to do. What do I do now? do I leave? do I file for divorce? what?

you realize that one of your tips, posted to an internet website, it to not trust information found on the web?
I am confused. I hope you didn’t pay too much for this article.
BTW- I am not clicking on any ads.