Most people say that things got better once they got out, well I can honestly say that for a long time, things got worse rather than better.

My ex had decided that he would indeed follow up on his threat to ruin my life and immediately tried to get me to sign custody of my son over to him, something I point blank refused to do obviously.

He then decided a new way to try to get me to give him our son would be to have my home threatened.

His logic? ”If she doesn’t have a home for him, then the authorities will sign him to me”.

So I ran away

I went to a women’s refuge, and he remained on bail.

Twelve months later, I was living in a new home, 100 miles away from my old one, and he found me through the courts after attempting to take me to court for custody of our son.

The court refused to give him custody, instead leaving us with shared residency as he is on his birth certificate.

My address was included in the final court order as the place for him to come and collect his son for unsupervised access visits.

After the 4th contact, he refused to bring my son home.

I was heartbroken and had to then drag him through the courts.

I then decided enough was enough.

I reported him for rape and abuse that he had subjected me to while in a relationship.

He was arrested and bailed and my son was returned home to me.

We fled again to another women’s refuge, and the courts were informed.

He once again took me to court for custody of our son, he was denied it again, and just as we were leaving the courtroom, he pulled his final straw.

He turned around and shouted at the judge “but that bitch is sexually abusing him, I’ve seen it! How can you let that carry-on?!”

BOOM

The tables turned, my son was placed with him while I was investigated.

I was cleared of any wrongdoing within days, but it was too late, he had vanished with my son.

He continued to taunt me and then once he finally reappeared, the court wouldn’t bring my son home.

He had managed to get my son into school, after school clubs and church groups, the court was satisfied that even though he had done wrong by vanishing with him, my son was happy, safe and settled and ”to uproot this child once more would be detrimental to his well-being”.

His father was still on bail.

He began hanging around my new home, watching me, following my new partner around.

I informed the police and they did nothing.

I THEN TOOK MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS, AND TO THIS DAY I STILL WOULD DO IT AGAIN.

I cried rape and was sent to prison for it

I made a Facebook account in the name of my ex and sent a message from that false account to my own account, threatening myself.

I then wrote a series of messages from his account to my own, admitting to raping me. I then gave this to police.

I then gave this to the police.

After seizing my computer, the police proved I had lied and I was arrested and charged with perverting the course of human justice.

I was sentenced to FOUR months in prison.

I was sent away to HMP Eastwood Park, in Glouster. My daughter was 5 months old and I had not even said goodbye to her that morning as she had been asleep.

My daughter was 5 months old and I had not even said goodbye to her that morning as she had been asleep.

My last words to my partner were “I’ll be home soon babes, Love you”

Three days after being locked up, I discovered completely by accident that I could possibly have my daughter with me, as I was only in for a short stay.

I asked immediately and my application was rushed through, two days later after interviews, phone calls with my social worker, the prison board accepted my application and my daughter joined me the following morning.

Three weeks into my stay I was informed by my social worker and my solicitor that my ex had been re-arrested and charged with rape and he would face court in a weeks time.

He had apparently bragged to a friend that he had gotten away with rape, that friend (thankfully) spoke to the police, and my ex pleaded guilty in court – he was sentenced to 2 years SUSPENDED sentence.

I was heartbroken.

After everything, he was still allowed to walk free.

Yes I had cried rape but I was desperate

My solicitor launched my appeal for release and succeeded.

I was released after only 7 weeks of a 17-week sentence.

I stood before the judge and told him that I was willing to do anything to protect my family and because the police had done nothing, I felt I had no choice in the end.

I clearly said I would do it all again if the authorities failed to protect us.

The judge accepted what I said, agreed that the police failed in their duty of care and pardoned my charges, they were wiped and I walked out of court a free woman.

I still have many problems with my ex and we broke up 5 and a half years ago.

He is still determined to ruin my life, and I have days when I know he has succeeded and I have days where I scream”F*CK YOU” at his emails on my computer screen.

BUT I broke the law, I cried rape and I accept that, but I really would do it all again if I felt my family were in danger and no one was protecting them.

Prison life is awful and I hated every minute of it, I had my child with me, which I know is very lucky.

I know most of you will judge me terribly and call me a bad mother for having my child in prison with me but it allowed me to keep my bond with her, helped me cope with prison life and allowed me to continue to breastfeed her as well.

Judge me all you want.

Yes, I cried rape but I did what I did out of a natural instinct to protect those I love, and to keep the precious bond with my child.

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About Emma White

Emma White The inspiring mum of 6 who dedicates her time to supporting others. While battling with her own demons, she continues to be the voice for others unable to speak out. Her controversial yet heartfelt writing is a lifeline to many. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.

As parents, we have to think about what is best for our children. In the long run, I don’t think you did what was best for your kids, and doing the wrong thing for the right reasons is still doing the wrong thing. What concerns me the most is that you said you would do it again. If you could see where you went wrong, that would be another matter. But since you didn’t think you would get punished for it, it seems to me you don’t (or at least didn’t) think you had done anything that bad.

I am sorry the police failed you, they have no excuse and to be perfectly honest they are the ones that should get punished when they fail, but they never are. That being said, I do believe your punishment for the lie was right and I hope it stops other women for making the same false claims. Reporting rape is really hard, and EVERYONE that lies about it, whether to the police or not, makes it harder for victims to come forward. Public attitude plays a huge role in reporting statistics and each lie makes victim blaming and downright disbelieving easier. Maybe if women hadn’t lied about it before you the police would have taken things more seriously??

Any way, it is over now and I hope you can move on as a family. It was very brave of you to come forward about something so controversial and emotive. I just hope next time someone asks if you would do it again you will answer (truthfully of course) ‘no’. There are ALWAYS other options, and sometimes we just need to find them, however long that takes.

You can’t protect your family if your locked up. I truly despise women who cry rape I can see that you were at the end of your tether but that is no excuse. Yes you had your daughter with you in jail that doesn’t make you a bad mother, but while you continued your bond with her she was separated from her dad and the bond with him would have suffered. None of this makes you a bad mum but I can’t say that your a particularly nice person either. Crying rape is despicable and makes it harder for people who really have been raped to be believed. You didn’t help yourself or your family, you just caused more issues

This is a hard one… Crying rape isnt good…BUT i kind of understand why u did it anything to protect our children we as parents would do i would do anything to protect my children crying rape i dont think i could but you did and in the end u have ur daughter with u. Ur not a bad mum for having her with u in prison. I just hope from now everything for u and ur daughter goes well and that as much as u hate him maybe she can have a bond with her dad to.