I
promise to introduce a Constitutional amendment instituting draft candidacies for
the Presidency. All candidate draftees are to be well-vetted, by both public
media and private negotiation; and they are then to run primary races against
each other and any volunteer candidates.

Own Impeach Bill

I
promise to introduce an impeachment bill against myself; a bill that I shall
repeatedly update, after major news events and policy initiatives. I offer this
safety valve as a norm for future Presidents.

Decontaminate the White House

The
White House is clearly suffering from a sick building syndrome. Anyone who
lives there long enough starts acting oddly. Perhaps some contamination during
the construction, or maybe a left-over dirty trick from the Cold War; either
way, there’s something wrong with the place. If elected, I promise to live and
work elsewhere until the White House is thoroughly decontaminated.

End Daylight Savings Time

Daylight
Savings Time is a twice-yearly national sleep disturbance, a maker of
artificial jetlag, obsolete, dangerous and unhealthy. I shall submit
legislation to Congress abolishing it.

Abolish Penny and Nickel

Both
penny and nickel cost more to mint than they are worth; nor do they buy
anything. In effect we should drop the last decimal in all prices. We’ll also
have to phase out the quarter, and mint many more half-dollars.

Tax Receipt

Every
taxpayer shall, after each tax day, receive a Tax Receipt detailing how much of
the taxpayer’s taxes went to which programs.

Redirect the Drug War

I
promise that, if elected President, I shall immediately legalize many presently
illegal drugs, and illegalize an equal number of presently legal drugs. The
laws must change, but the bureaucracies must be fed; this is a feasible
compromise. The drugs now illegal have attained, by free-market discipline,
high potency, purity and profitability. It is high time to redirect this price-support
program towards modernizing other pharmaceuticals.

Unionism as Robot Subsidy

I favor strong unions, and their demands; good pay,
benefits, pensions and conditions. I also favor the development of the robotic
technology that unionism makes
profitable, and which will make those union jobs obsolete. Better to work a
short while at good pay and conditions than forever at poor pay at a job fit
only for a machine. My administration shall leave the question of what to do after
the robots take all the jobs to a later administration.

Guns Versus Abortion Debate

My
administration shall never refer to “pro-life” politics. There is no such thing
as a pro-lifer; there are instead anti-abortionists, who generally are pro-gun;
and those who are anti-gun are generally pro-abortion. Therefore the pro-life
debate is over; the answer is no. What remains is a dispute over timing and
method; is America to kill people before birth, by abortion, or afterwards, by
guns? My administration shall spare no effort to promote the
guns-versus-abortion debate, in those terms.

Virtual Bomb and Nuclear Blatancy Day

My
administration shall switch America to a strategy of nuclear latency; the
ability to build many nuclear bombs quickly, combined with not possessing the
accursed things right now. This “virtual bomb” is pure deterrence; physical
disarmament plus mental re-armament. To support the deterrent’s credibility,
there shall be, on Trinity Day of each presidential election year, a “Nuclear
Blatancy Day”, in which citizens submit model bombs, which are fitted with
explosives and fissiles, and detonated underground. Those whose models work shall
win prizes.

Owned Power

My
administration shall never refer to “renewable energy”. Instead it shall call
those technologies “owned power”. What solar or wind or hydroelectric or
geothermal provide isn’t really energy, measured in ergs; they really provide
an unending flow of energy; this flow
is measured in ergs per second, and is known as power. If this power is in our
possession, then it is owned power. Any
fuel-based power system, if you must buy fuel from others, is rented power. For obvious political
reasons, it is better to own your power than to rent it. My administration
shall prioritize switching all federal facilities, civilian and military, to
owned power.

Discorporation

If
corporations are legal persons, and legal persons can be executed for various
crimes, then corporations, too, should be executed for those crimes. This is
‘discorporation’; the destruction of a corporation by state action to punish
and deter corporate criminality. Discorporation shall not harm any
flesh-and-blood persons, except in terminating their relationship to the
discorporated corporation. If elected, I shall introduce discorporation
legislation, which my administration shall enforce vigorously.

And least likely for success:

Imperial Renunciation

The fall of American empire is inevitable; it’s better to
do it on purpose. A landing is better than a crash. So close and sell overseas
bases. Downsize the DOD, which shall be renamed the War Department, tasked only
with defending the nation’s borders. Dissolve DHS, the NSA and the CIA. Put
alliance systems up for popular discussion. The money we now misspend abroad we
can then misspend at home.