Due to some recent events, nd people giving out my live journal to people who do nothve the right to have it, i will be changing my name and creting a new account. all this insted of erasing it... whats said is said... and done... hate me for it or love me... but its my heart

i am changing my name because i firmly belive that i should not have to monitor wht i write. this is my journal, my thoughts my life. and by changing my name i will not have to censor them.

this thingcontains my feelings from more than a year, and i am truly saddened that it comes to this

but maybe starting over is better.

i am a firm believer that anythign said in one's live jurnal cannot be held against them, but this is obviously not true. especially when people who dont have them they really have no right to read/ or comment/ on it... fellow livejournlers have right because there is soemthign there taht we all hold in common; nd we dont hold it against them.

shit happens. and now i feel teh warth of my feelings thati have written down. or perhaps showed... they can all hate me bt if they do i hope that theyd let me know so that i could make decisioins... why force urself to be soemwhere where people dont liek you.

what a time for that shit... just when i thought things were gettign better.... i really loved it

and back to lj judging.... i tried to not .. and to look past it but i could not... all i kept thinking were those thoughts, and how i coudl neverrespect her. but atleast i tried right?

maybe lj is bad... but i dotn think that that is true...its what connects me to u guys at home, and gives me a look into those of you that i do not know personally.... i love it

i knew when people here got on my lj it woudl go bad... and yes it proved true

i will take everyone that i want to, to my new one if they still want to be my friends.

im really upset about this... those of u who know me know i liek this, and hate compromising for others... but its probably teh only way to save what lil signity i have left here

round robin went really well yesterday! i really like this whole thing. i was excited and all.. i dont knwo if any of the girls i had will actualy join... bt its cool... therewere so many girls for an nyu spring rush so that was exciting!

it was also funny to be wearing our ast shirts near all teh ast signs in teh dining hall lol.. glorious

i went out last night to central... eww gross 30 yr olds tryed for me and black ... oh 30... and ethnic lol...

i need to go to party city to buy stuff for bid cards

my room is terribly messy i want to cry when i see i... but i ave so many other things to do.. liek stare at my essay or pretend to read... or well most important of all write in my lj lol

i put on my nyu trucker hat to be an asshole... i go to molly "hey look how fucking cool i am i have a trucker hat and an eyebrow ring" she goes "yeah, now u really are white rash"

i dunno if she was serious orjoking? like she is one of those rich kids who wudlnt get their face pierced... but who knows i lughed i dont care.. i know i am... just wonderign if she relly thinks that?

we'll start with last night... and how im not drinking that much ever again....

we have a mixer way uptown... we get to teh meetign place on time... nd arrived at the locatin almost 2 hrs late. needless to say i was pissed... anyway then it got better...had a few drinks (few is being used loosely) played soem darts with this hot guy... me andheather each got some bullseyes.. drunk... i could not have doen that sober... heather and i went to the bathroom... soemhow eneded up in it together.. twice t that... and once i eneded up in the tub? lol i pretended to smoke too lol anyway... so i tried mackin it with holler...talking about football?? i actually dont remeber... i dunno i doubt hell call..and aparrantly i told everyone he was cute... i didnt realize the complete drunkeness i was in until i put my shoes on... then this nice guy wnated to help me down the stairs and essentially made me fall. ok.. not to self do not tell n e one they are cute... and ramble about calling...

note at the beginnign of teh night heather nd i vowed taking a cab home

so we leave.. everyone jumps in cabs without us.. and 2 of us arent paying that.. so... we decied to walk teh 3 avenues and 4 blocks to teh subway station... where i "got sick" 3 times before heather saying "alright trains coming lets go"... i get on the train... oh god... the 6 train to (its nice)... and of course im trying to hold it in...and make it from th e86st stop to 34th... and then i did it... yep right on teh train... glorious there is some blur to parts of the night... and i knwo i didnt do my handscan .. my guy let mein lol...

lets just say that this moring was also rough.. and runnign to teh bathroom while ur suitemate takes a 45 minute shower sucks ass

ok asshole move number 2

i got my eyebrow pierced... the guy probably thought me and melina were huge assholes... and yeah i liek it... but my mom is going to shit a brick... she may get over it... the rest if my family howveer will not.... awesome.... and im going home in 2 weekswhat am i going to do? lol

Mixer tonight woo hoo! i was not excited at first butnow i kinda am! oh lord... comign home soudl be interesting

so my cultural teacher... we are reading king lear... and we somehow talk about: tower records, medeival, greco roman, feudalism, jesus, judas, king arthur, and teh search for teh holy grail to name a few.... what bout cordellia or anyone?!?! wow why even go? you shoudl see all teh pictures i drew lmao

tomorrow im gonna eat lunch out with my melinda lol, get pierced, work out, return a book, who knows... maybe homework if im feelign ambitious ...and we have a house cleaning

i need to accomplish all of my homework for the entire next week this weekend... for rush purposes otherwise i might die.

i tird calling erica today.. didnt go that well... whatever

i may be going home soon presidents weekend/valenies weekend... but im not positive yet... and if i do im not thinkign teh whole time ... and mayeb not see friends?? who knows we'll see how it goes.

During my Org and admin class today i really decided that i want to be a buisness major like no other!!... and if i cant get that from this major then i relly need out!.. i mean sure sports management is business... but my degree wont really say that... i want to be marketing or on an adminstrative revamping team... maybe sports oriented... but i want there to be a non sports option.

its for me... i love gettign ideas and seeng how they work... new plan

get 4.0.... averages to be 3.6... maybe stern?if not then gallatin is still an option!

we got out super early... i hung out AST flyers in teh stairs bt one of my sisters beat me to it!.. i also went to starbucks and did some!

im really sad about our whole sorority house sitcho =*( <---- me sad!

ahhh

i am also sad about some relationships with people at home.. whatever who knwos what to say

i also think i miss my mom... she sent me that cte stuff teh other day and today a sweet letter w/ a starbucks card... and she said when she is done paying bills she will help me pay for sorority... and i NEVER asked her to help me with that EVER... and this is when i start to feel guilty... ugh (no tears today please)

so instead of gettign a head start on hw with my extra time im here fucking around being sad and sentimental... fuck me

In the middle of my proffessors speech bout courtesy/being ready when a teacher walks in to class... whos cell phone do u think rang? thats right... mine.... and of course you cnat find it to shut it off... and think u shut it off... and teh voicemail beeps... awesome!

I hate that class by the way... they are forcing us to watch teh super bowl.... which i vowed not to watch after that horendous effort put forth by my eagles... ugh disguisted

anyway i called my mom bck... nd i had my heart all set on tryign to go to our AST convention, but now my mom wants to go to hawaii... i mean hawaii is much beter but... i have this feeling tht it wont happen and then ill be screwed either way.

so tonight i need to read some king lear again and research stuff... and study AST... i am gettign good with thiswhole studyign for sorority thing... i feel liek it means moe to me than school all of a sudden lol... oh priorities

is it bad that when i do my laundry i feel like my clothes re dirtier thn they were before i wshed them.?

oh that gurd lol... he always messes with me... wether it be comign home drunk, getting take out, whatever, slamming my pelvis into the turnstyle... but today he asked me if id do his laundry ... i ws like haha yeah sure for money... later he goes ok when shoudl i bring it... me: i have no time try me in march.. anyway hope he is kidding

i read machiavellis teh prince in 2 rs... probably not good... oh the beginnign of fucking up

i also read 2 acts of king lear in 2 hrs... but that doesnt matter

ok so.. my roomate spilled nyquil all over her laptop.. and so its broken,,, and she has been using mine... oh awesomeness... i dont realy mind its just annoying and inconveinent

Ok so tonight did not work out all that well... maybe there ws a reason for not wnating to drink... oh u sketchy sketchy TKEs... why do straight guys at NYU have to be sketch balls??... but hey im glad i was balsy enough to say hi to him.... hahah wow i said id hook up with him again?? who am i?!?!! lol i tink mayeb just for teh sake of doing it.. i also stated that someof them were cute... and sked one why he ws not sketchy... oh god .. and one toched my ass lol

aww melinda im sorry u coudl not stay to finish that enjoyment

nd heather... dont worry we will fuck both of them up.... and lets remebr "no frat ass" hahah yeah right... i cnat believe he called me a bad influence... me?!?!?! ok cuz he is sketchy asshole ... ah fuck him up h- dog

like read the spark notes version of machiavelli instead of teh real thing... and instead of 70 pages of sports bullshit aka common sense.. i read 2 paragraphs of summary... oh i am awesome... stop fuckign up.... cnat screw up this semester too!

My writing class is going to be such a bitch... at first he seemed all cool.. then he gives us thsi paper that says we will ave 4 RESEARCH papers... 2 that are 5-7pges and 2 that are 10- 15 pges AND a paper already due next class ... research paper... 3 pages... ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this class also entails group readings

to top it off this weirdo from third north is in that class as he is also in my cultural class... and the guy from last sesmester who always asked me to study.. oh study buddy.. yes awkwardness... so basically there is at least 1 person in every class that makes me feel awkward.. glorious

lets talk about no life really... 5 classes... asshole classes at that... and my sorority.... what is sleep??

for my leadership class... which by the way is entirely BULLSHIT!... and has soooo much work!!!! already have 4 chapters to do and a 1 page paper to write... glorious

plus i have to read .... oh complainer... im in college shut teh fuck up!

i liek this whole go to the gym thing... havent missed a dayyet... holler!

The OC is on tonight... im lying off the reality television lol

i have also officially called every school here at nyu and almost every residence hall to get my sorirty a room... and its pretty much impossible and causes a lot of stress

i am also in charge of makeover night.. which is really not working out for me... no one on the committee has helped... and 2 no one has called me back... awesome oh stress

i attempted to replace myself phone... well they have a water indicator on teh batery so she gave me new phone with old battery and me being a cheap ass wouldn buy the 40$ battery.. so when it stops working i will be screwed... the woman also forgot to transfer my phone numbers... and she was also talkign shit abut me in spanish... oh ny.. i so need a secret language.. .so i dont have ANYONE'S phone number at all... so i guess i cnat call you lol

Fuck you eagles!!! U did it again.. u get this far only to fuck up... i could have covered mcnabb beter myself from my green bean bag chair in my dorm room, i coudl have cught the ball too unlike u bastard wude recievers... oh philadelphia, yet another sad sad let dow, just when you thought the luck was changing.

damn the sports illustrated curse, damn the eagles make it to the nfc championship and lose curse... please just win already! ahhhh! ok im done... im used to it .. im done

anyway... after hours of drying out my phone it now turns on...but gets no signal... so maybe some more dryign will do the trick... i will be goign o verizon tomorrow to see what i can do about "dropping a phone and its batery breaking, cusing me to no longer have service" because i really do not have $140 to spend

anyway... last night of alcohol until the slick rick concert lol... and after that i am not going to until like the end of february

anyway i now have gordons fisherman pants on... they are lovely if i do say so myself... oh melinda... thank god u are here lol... play time tonight kid.. bring it!

i some how managed to WASH my fucking BRAND NEW cell phone.... AWESOME! wht thefuck.. what should i do? like seriosly try and see if it will dry out? or just buy a fucking new one? ahhhh it pains me.. or will they replace it?

oh the horrors of that laundry room... it ate 2$ of mine today... and it is extr wet and gross i threw out a sock and a pair of underwear that fell... lol oh so gross

so i know no ones phone number... awesome

but ne way.. last night was awesome lol... i would say best one yet... oh such asses and soem of it was even recorded... black and i were singing "black boys" from hair lmao... oh god ... and we ate meat sticks... they probably had aids... but it didnt matter at that point...