Phil's Mamama's Page

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"Dear Tammy, your words could not be any more true. It is so hard and so sad. It has been 3 yrs for us and each day brings a new kind of sadness. There are many caring people here who in such a special way truly care.
Phils…"

"Gail, I am so sorry and so sorry that I truly understand.
It has been three years for us on Jan 16. As for as I am concerned, my life is over.
I just feel weak and sad.
I do not think that what once was normal ever will be again.
Your…"

"I just what you wrote on the comment wall. Each word you say is how I feel. What I care about is what all grieving parents understand. People think I am selfish but I just cannot care about many things anymore.
I am so sorry…"

"Diane, Thank you for writing, I feel selfish because I get more out of being here then I could ever give, I think that we all are so fortunate to have found each other, its unfortunate that we even had to look, but a blessing that we are together.…"

"Diane, Thank you for writing, I feel selfish because I get more out of being here then I could ever give, I think that we all are so fortunate to have found each other, its unfortunate that we even had to look, but a blessing that we are together.…"

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Diane, Thank you for writing, I feel selfish because I get more out of being here then I could ever give, I think that we all are so fortunate to have found each other, its unfortunate that we even had to look, but a blessing that we are together. Thanks again.

Diane, Thank you for writing, I feel selfish because I get more out of being here then I could ever give, I think that we all are so fortunate to have found each other, its unfortunate that we even had to look, but a blessing that we are together. Thanks again.

Thanks for reading about him and for responding. There have been a lot of visits to his website since his death as word traveled across the US - 12 from Greensboro. I'm thankful he left this for us, and I know it was God's plan for him to post it for others. I hope things are better for you - this is worse than I even could imagine and I have tried to imagine how hard it would be.

I, too, started to feel very bad this afternoon. I realized this will never change, never get better, and I will never be happy again. And I will always walk around with a weight attached to my heart. I really don't want to spend years and years like this.
Hugs
JoAnn

Blessedly I have two people who work with me who have been LIFESAVERS. One confided to me after the funeral that she had lost a daughter at age 11 in 1991. I had known her 5 years and never knew that! The other only has one child, as I did, and I think she can relate a small bit to what I go through. But they both have been there in person, by phone, any way necessary. When I'm crying, when I'm yelling, whatever. They even make sure that we go out walking at lunchtime as often as possible because they know exercise is good and I just want to get up, go to work, come home and go to sleep. Without them I honestly don't know what I would have done. I have two sisters and they were very good in the beginning, but they do not live very close so it is not the same as Anne and Kathy from work.

It will be one year for me at the end of the month. Feels like one hour, feels like a lifetime. This isn't going to heal, this isn't going to get better, this isn't going to go away. It took me 11 months to come to that realization.

Thanks Diane. I appreciate your comments. Holidays were hard, but they are OVER...and I SURVIVED. Hard days, lonely days, much denial...all behind me as we start a new year of holidays to endure. The good news is I know I will survive....I have friends here on this site, and a family that loves me, and I am much luckier than many other people in the world, so I have to be thankful for that and move forward. I was stuck during the holidays, but I am on the go again.