Thursday, September 22, 2005

Answers

Swirling around somewhere in the mass of glop I call my brain are the answers I need to move forward, to let go of the rage, to let go of the sadness, to let go of the hopelessness. The answers to release myself from the prison of a defective mind. At least I think they are there, could just be delusional. Think I'm just trying to hold onto some false hope that I don't truly believe is there.I'm clueless as always. Not sure why I was so bitter towards myself in that last post. Guess it was better to insult myself with words rather than scar myself up with more flesh wounds.As for the lawyer, I still haven't called. Waiting to get income info from the ex. I think we qualify for the free legal aid since my income is exempt and hubs didn't make that much last year or this year. At the most, I think our income is such that we'd only have to pay $25. I'll find out when I call if that is in addition to the $209 court costs for filing or if the filing fee is waived. I don't see bankruptcy as a new start because I ran into trouble due to being seriously ill. I see it as just another notch on the belt of failure that surrounds my life.I don't deserve friends or family or even life. I'm a complete fucking loser on all fronts.