Loving You Deadly is a completed novel of 75,000 words. Through the use of suspense, this novel introduces the reader to the dynamics of a battering relationship, the depth and understanding of women’s friendships, the workings of culture traditions and mores, yet entertains.

Amelia Garcia and Jennifer Reynolds – the salt and salsa team – have been best friends since they were six years old. They bring two cultures and demonstrate how they work together. As best friends, they help Rebecca Kelley to extricate herself from an abusive relationship.

Amelia comes from a big family and is confronted with the expectations of tradition set out for Latinas and the difficulties to break out of the role imposed on her by family and society.

In this book, Jennifer plays society’s role by stating all the usual platitudes on why a woman enters and stays in an abusive relationship. Jennifer also explores grief in the loss of her husband and in her attempts to win her father’s approval.

This is a multi-faceted story as it also illuminates a traditional Mexican wedding.

In 1989, I researched battering for a year before writing this book. With a Bachelors in Psychology, I was able to bring motives alive with accuracy yet instilled with hope. I earned a Master’s in Creative Writing at the University of San Francisco.

This is a multiple submission. The intensity of the issues and the solutions in Loving You Deadly are more about women’s wisdom and friendships in a world of violence. I hope you find this book worthwhile and worthy of your representation.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to look at your work, but I'll have to pass.

thanks,

Agent for a day

reason for rejection?Too much info about social impact and not enough info about story. Love the first line and liked the idea of the two friends and their different cultures, but was afraid from the query that this would be too much an issues book and not enough a compelling story. Also, saying you wrote the work in 1989 does not make me feel good about it. Have you been sending it out and getting rejections on it for twenty years?

I don't represent women's fiction.(me, not Nathan) Please refer to my submission guidelines. Also, I have two sisters and have never once seen "sisters" accurately portrayed in a novel, so I simply don't bother with "sister" books anymore.

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!All the best,Agent for the day

Your well-intentioned premise with its multicultural cast of characters and their stereotypical lives sounds like a great beach read, but no. No. No. No. I can't do it. I can't save the world and carry my career as a Diva Agent. I'm sorry. Do you have anything in a Devil Wears Prada vein. That's the stuff that sells. Can you move your setting to New York? Also, make the Latina a sassy, not traditional, fashion designer who beats up underlings. Love that. I live in New York, by the way. That's where all the important stuff happens.

Rather than tell what the novel accomplishes ("introduces the reader to the dynamics of a battering relationship" or "explores grief" "yet entertains") show the complex and interesting actions in the query. What happens?

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

Reasoning: The query needs to be more concise. Eliminate sweeping generalizations and put character descriptions with the first mention of their names. I think the plot has potential, but it needs focus.

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,Keri

<><><><><><><><>I know who Lucy and Ethel is, no idea about VI Warshawski--lost me a bit there. 2nd paragraph you told me about the story when you should have used that space to show me those story elements.

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. I'm afraid I don't have a sense of the plot of your novel. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Dear Author,I did receive and read your query. Unfortunately it's not a good fit. I couldn't tell what your main story was really about. You may want to focus on the wedding week itself, that could be interesting.

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

I liked the opening line, but it didn't match the rest of the letter. Lucy and Ethel were certainly good friends, but they were also often silly and ridiculous to the point of being clowns. I don't think that's what you're going for here.

I think you are addressing an important set of topics but the query letter features too much "telling" and the plot of the novel gets lost. Please consider reworking your query to focus more on the story.

Thank you for your interest in The Authors’ Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for Loving You Deadly, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Thank you for your query. It's not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.

Regards,Jenn S.

Reason: I didn't feel any connection to the characters. A query letter must summarize the plot to some extent, but I felt that this letter was all summary and no heart. It was more about the concept than the people.

Notes: It was the "platitudes" about domestic violence that put me off, plus I couldn't remember if I liked VI Warshawski. Plus VI & I Love Lucy were comedies, and your book sounds very depressing with the abuse angle.

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about you. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

Notes:Lose the logline, or at very least move it into a sentence. It's hanging out there, and an extremely poor introduction to your query. The query is overwritten and is a bit anvil-istic. Don't tell me what the book does, show me. If the query is representative of the manuscript, it needs a lot of work.

Dear Salsa,Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,Jeni

Reasons:1) This is a book review, not a query letter. It tells me what I should discover as a reader (multi-faceted, entertaining, etc.) but it doesn't give me a reason to read it.2) I didn't get the pop culture comparison the author is trying to make at the beginning.

Note to author: This could very well be the best novel in existence, but I can't tell that from your query letter. Instead of telling me what happens and what the main character goes through, tell me WHY. What decisions do the characters have to make, and what are the consequences (or possible consequences) of those decisions?

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,Suki

Reasoning: Awkward and sometimes confusing. The hook didn't, and then it was followed by a lot of "telling" about themes and the author and the book, but not a whole lot of showing why I'd want to read more about these specific characters.

Thank you for your query, but I must regretfully pass at this time. I think you have an interesting premise, but the grammatical errors in your query letter lead me to believe the actual manuscript will need too much work for consideration at this time.

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately, LOVING YOU DEADLY is not a good fit for me at this time. Your query was slightly confusing and only briefly mentions many different elements of your novel in a slightly haphazard manner. I would recommend working on the organization of the letter.

Thank you for your query, but I don't think it is the best fit for me at this time.

Selestial

The phrasing on this was a turn-off for me. It sometimes seemed playful, but then turned serious (and as the topic is serious, I had to guess that was the way it should have all been). Additionally, it just doesn't sound like the type of thing I read, so I wouldn't be interested on a personal level.

Thank you for your submission. While aspects of this story are intriguing, this story is not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your continued efforts. Please keep in mind that other agents are different.

-- First, I must admit this isn't my kind of book. As for the query, it seemed to vague, too many characters mentioned without a reference point, and the tone kept changing.

Thank you for your interest in the "Be An Agent For a Day" contest. I'm afraid your query does not reveal enough of your story's arc and tension to convince me to request the manuscript at this time. I suggest you use the story's major characters. (You mention three people in this letter, but I could not keep them separate.)

Dear Author,Thank you for your submission. I have read your query and considered its possibilities for readership. Unfortunately, though the idea of exploring battering relationships is a subject of deep interest to many people, I feel your approach to the subject is too ambitious.I encourage you to keep submitting your work to other agencies since this piece does not suit me at this time.Best of luck to you and your writing!Reesha

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

I loved the characters and setting you described, but I had trouble seeing the conflict in the story. I think you might be able to use your ideas, add a conflict, and create a good story. Please contact me with your future words pertaining to this topic.

Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I have to pass, but I wish you luck in finding an agent who’s passionate about your work.

Today’s Agent

(Reasoning: turned off by a number of things. Didn't get the comparison. The primary duty of a novel is to tell a story, not to preach or educate. Uncomfortable that even you think one of your characters spouts cliched nonsense. Not hooked.)

On a personal note, I would lose the first paragraph. The second starts well but the the query resumes its telling not showing tone. I want to fall in love with thes women I want to know why I 'm going to like to be following their journeys into what is obviously going to be an emotionally tugging story. I want to get a sense of the voice int the novel and then leave it at that...we don't have to know about the motivation for writing the novel or that it is going to contain a cultural event in depth. Those are things for us to find out when we read it. I think that the story concept is interesting and could be truly wonderful, but the query doesn't show that yet. Hope this helps,Bridge

Your story has interesting elements. I like the cultural angle and the women in abusive relationships angle. However, your query does not explain why these two women are friends and what this has to do with either of their situations.

Your query also uses complicated and vague sentence structure. Your first paragraph has the following sentence;

"Through the use of suspense, this novel introduces the reader to the dynamics of a battering relationship, the depth and understanding of women’s friendships, the workings of culture traditions and mores, yet entertains."

Perhaps the sentences could be simplified and the story clarified to;

This entertaining novel explores a deep friendship between two very different women. One woman is struggling in an abusive relationship and is suffering with "battered woman syndrome". The other woman is struggling to find herself within the constructs of her cultural traditions and mores. Both are connected by their struggle to find themselves and their independence.

I took "suspense" out of the novel's description because I could not see how this novel is a suspense novel. Keep working on the story and your writing. There is a need for more cultural stories.

I cannot represent at this time, but thank you for submitting. I hope my suggestions are helpful on your quest.

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel Loving You Deadly sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

(PS Dear Author, I think this starts out rough, in particular the first couple of paragraphs. I did think "Salt and Salsa" was cute, my best friend growing up was Latina. You cemented the rejection when you mentioned the year 1989, I would nix that. Good luck!)

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.

I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation. Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get the attention from a publisher that your book deserves. Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Too long and too much set-up. Tell me about the plot more than your characters. Plot is what sells first for me rather than a great character.

Thank you for your submission, but this story isn't right for me. You may want to rework your query before sending it out to other agents, as your fragmented sentence structure casts doubts on your writing ability.

I'm very torn on this one. The topic is compelling. Domestic violence is a problem of great pain, but one that tends to occur in isolation. A book that shows the power of friendship between women to help someone escape could change people's live for the better. The Latino world traditionally is patriarchial, so a book like this could be controversial as well.

I'm sadly going to pass, just because I think I might have difficulty selling a publisher on this in today's market.

I could be making a grave mistake. This is the type of book that, if you found the right agent, they could really back it. Or perhaps an independent publisher.

I absolutely wish you the best of luck. If it's not published already, I sincerely hope it will be.

Reasoning: The writing/sentence structure is odd for me. While you seem to be qualified to write about this subject, it sounds a lot like an issue book and though I know who the players are I don't see how they come together in a story about hope and moving on.

Thank you for your submission. While I see potential in your premise, I find your use of sentence structure in your query to be too awkward convince me to request more material. Also, I fear you may be selling the character of Jennifer short by stating she is there to offer platitudes. That does not give me the sense that she is a compelling, fleshed-out character. Again, I thank you for your submission and wish you luck in your search for representation.

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel Loving You Deadly. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that we must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.

Thank you for submitting Loving You Deadly. However, this novel is not a good fit for me. I wish you luck in your continued writing endeavors.

Regards,Calli_____(Side note: While I think this is probably publishable material, I don't think I'd be able to represent this, and I don't think the query letter sells it. The Lucy and Ethel comparison makes no sense in a query devoid of reference to humorous elements, the query itself feels mechanical and dry to the point of disinterest, and women-oriented literary fiction concerning abuse (which it sounds like this is, from the query) is so far from my field of interest I think I would do a horrible job if I had to represent it. It's a close call.)

I like the opening line. It simply and clearly establishes the tone of the novel.

You have a strong, confident voice and a writing style that indicates you can handle tough subject matter with aplomb and with some levity. However, there are a couple awkward sentences in the query that make me question your confidence in the plot and whether you are perhaps searching for what – exactly – to push in the query letter (e.g. “This is a multi-faceted story as it also illuminates a traditional Mexican wedding.” )

If the plot is centered on the two ‘salt and salsa’ friends helping “Rebecca Kelley to extricate herself from an abusive relationship”, then I would like to know more about that. How do the Warshawski girls become aware of the abuse, are they in danger (as the title suggests) from the abuser, what is the exciting hook - which I recommend should be centered on the victims’ salvation from abuse.

If the query is targeted toward a narrow genre or publishing house, then I can understand why you stressed the multi-cultural flavor, but the plot /conflict should be the focus and the source of query’s excitement.

Fellow Agent-for-the- day, Beatriz Kim, did a splendid job summarizing the characters and their relationship. Now, tell us more about the suspense that makes ‘Loving You Deadly’ a suspense novel.

Many authors over complicate / formalize the query, and I see real promise here.

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Yours,Erin

[For the author: it sounds like it might be interesting but the writing isn't smooth, and the query is a bit heavy-handed about the psychology of abuse; I wonder if the story suffers for trying to make a point?]

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am not interested in representing this novel.

Regards,

Dana

Reasons: While I really liked the idea of a multicultural story, I wasn't sure that extricating a woman from an abusive relationship was enough to carry me through. Plus the characters didn't pop for me, and I wasn't following with some of the humor used. Just not for me.

[The first full paragraph reads: Through the use of suspense, this novel introduces the reader to the dynamics of a battering relationship, the depth and understanding of women’s friendships, the workings of culture traditions and mores, yet entertains.

This is a good example of what NOT to do in a query. The key is to tell the story, not talk ABOUT the story. The query was too long, and others here have addressed some of the issues with it.]

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.We were impressed by the concept but we do not feel that are the best match with this project.We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that due to the state of the industry, the poor economy, the subjective nature of books and the state of the sunspot cycle, I'm going to have to pass.

Thank you for your query, and thank you for writing for Latina women. That niche is lacking on bookstore shelves. That said, I truly regret that I am not the right person to represent you. Another agent will be more passionate about the material and do a better job for you. I sincerely hope you find that person. Best of luck!

Dear Author,Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.Sincerely,Jen C.

You have a nice voice, but in your pitch, it would be better to tell us what the story is about rather than what roles your characters function. I don't really get a sense of the story, and you just mention the Mexican wedding in passing, when that would actually be interesting!

I'm also afraid that I didn't capture your references in your first line of the pitch. Are they in reference to Latina writing? If so, they will work for an agent who specialises, but not for my sphere of knowledge.

I can sense your passion and committment to the subject, but you haven't swayed me with the query that you can translate those qualities into a tight, compelling novel. If you ever think you can, resend a revised query.

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

There are several elements to your story that intrigue me. I especially like the multi-faceted approach to female relationships: with each other, with men, cross culturally. Given the abusive aspect of the storyline, your title is catchy.

As a reader, I would peruse your pages in order to learn what direction these elements take. As a pretend agent, I need to know this up front. My recommendation is for you to go through your manuscript one more time to determine the pulse point and resubmit your query with your hook more clearly stated.

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck on your continued search.

I think the premise is interesting, but, though you claim the book is written using "suspense" I don't see very much suspense in the query. It also sounds more like a sermon than something with a plot.

Thanks for querying me on LOVING YOU DEADLY, but I will be taking a pass on this story. No doubt some of the themes and issues you touch on will resonate with some readers, but they just don't with me.

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

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