Is it wrong that I have always thought that straight a’s would make those around me happy?

Is it wrong that even when everything should be going right it isn’t?

Senior year is hyped up to be the best time of your life–college preparation, boys, football, fun. But everyone lied. The college prep is stressful and my skin has definitely seen better days. Football games are on Fridays and its hard to fit them into my schedule. Fun is minimal as I’m trying to manage good grades, friendship, and extra curriculars. So what is for all the hype?

Maybe people started it to please the underclassmen and have them work harder or maybe it is true and I just haven’t seen it yet. I find that I keep telling myself I’m not going to get into my number one choice. But I guess there is no reason for me to cry about not feeling good enough when I’m not even sure what the school thinks.

December 16th couldn’t come soon enough. I need to know. Will I continue the strive for perfection or will I become a statistic of the failure?

This morning I woke up in a daze. I fell asleep while studying for my existentialism test because frankly however odd the writing is when I read, I sleep. My dad came in to my room and found me sleeping so he removed my materials and tucked me in.

This morning I woke up in a daze. Being a perfectionist I said that I “didn’t study”. Obviously this isn’t entirely true but it’s what it feels like.
My life is crazy. I’m never home jumping from event to event. My plate is larger than just activities; I’m trying to remain sane while having no time to relax and de-stress. Does today’s education system put to much stress on students to do everything?

I know people that cry themselves to sleep because they got a B on a test. I know people that have said “I’m not good enough for anything” because someone called them dumb in their Honors Physics class. The system is backwards and it’s time for a change to end the hindrance and begin the help.

As I continued my journey today I found myself stuck thinking of movies in Calculus class. The typical family dinner in my home consists of us playing the movie game–actor, movie they are in, another actor in that movie, movie they are in, etc. and of course every time we play that stupid game I lose. As my teacher spoke of derivatives and cusps I could not help but think of the end of Toula’s opening dialogue in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, “It’s useless to dream because nothing ever changes.”

The movie is set in Chicago, a city considered in America’s big 10 yet lacking the industry like Los Angeles with Samantha or New York City with Carrie. Is it the city that defines a situation or is insecurity and boy trouble universal?

Many would reply that the answer is easy: all girls face the same problems. But Sex in the City, however much one might consider it fantasy, shows that this statement cannot be entirely true. All four women have overlapping lives yet face entirely different struggles throughout the seasons. Maybe the women are an illusion. Maybe really the girls are actually one person with different thoughts and a multidimensional conscience.

Who am I? Jean Valjean would said 24601 but maybe I am a mixture of all four. The pressure to conform to one standard of women is evident but should we all become a large copy. It is time for diversity to be the majority and insecurity of place the minority. We can’t all live in the same city.

A hot dunkin coffee, school, extra curriculars, and the usual beat down of the average American teen. Who am I to gripe over my day when people suffer more than me all around the world but I have to consider that my problems must matter too right? This morning my mom took down a teen vogue from our never ending piles of bills and junk that floods the mail box. I noticed Demi Lovato was on the cover so intrigued I began to turn through the pages of the ideal girl.

IDEAL: what’s in a name? skinny. talented. sexy.

The list continues but as I flipped through the pages I noticed more and more girls the size of a toothpick and less and less the size of me. I’m not average. I know that. Some may call me fat behind my back but who defines pretty. Since the cover displays a women so prominent in the empowerment of girls and healthy body image, why should I assume that the contents of the catalogue should be any different? Why should I assume that the industry will continue to remain backwards as more and more individuals begin to lean towards me.

Who is defining pretty–magazines? designers? Whoever it is here is what I have to say to you:

YOUR ADS ONLY REACH A SMALL PORTION OF THE POPULATION AND YOU MAKE EVERY OTHER WOMEN AND GIRL FEEL BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY CANNOT FIT IN. SHOW A SKINNY MODEL AND CHUBBY ONE TOGETHER BECAUSE SOCIETY IS A MIX NOT A HOMOGENOUS SOLUTION.

It is time for me to get healthy but not on your standards. Perfect is a word but I guess I am striving for it. Welcome to my journey.