Emotionally, I pick graphite

byRachel BlaufeldonMarch 5, 2012

It is Monday, March 3, 2012 and the snow is blowing outside my new office window, and I am truly at a loss for words. Last week, a week of highs, the week I met my fabulous prototype, finally held the crow pose and practiced yoga 4 times in a week, and managed to enjoy 1 day of the weekend without attending ANY basketball games seems to have left me in a LOW.

I don’t think it is uncommon to experience a low after such a high, but it is rough. A little sunshine may have made it better. Not to mention, the devastation across the midwest from the tornadoes and @Mom101 lost her dear 6 year old relative, Florence (a story that captured my heart and the hearts of many others). That was my morning – snow, destruction, loss, and no air left in my chest.

I am a sensitive person. I take everything to heart. As much as I hate to admit it, I am like my mom in this regard. I try to be tough, hard-core, a smooth operator, but really, I am a cream puff. I cry at almost every movie for one reason or another, always read the end of the book to see who is still alive, and worry about family and friends most of the time.

As a social worker, I was trained to keep my hyper-emotions at bay because it was counter-productive to the work that I was doing. As a child of divorce, I held a lot of feelings deep down inside until much later in life. As a mom who lost her dad, I mourned in private so my little toddler at the time was not sad with me. Controlling emotions has been a mainstay of my existence.

Staying even emotionally may have likely helped in setting up my current business. I can play it cool with vendors and play hardball when I feel like I am going to fall apart inside, but letting myself go to one extreme last week, allowed the flood gates to open.

Last Friday as I was doing some product testing at home, I was shooting off emails to all involved about my excitement, elation, ecstatic sense of entitlement. There it was – My High! I chased this high with a fabulous weekend of family and friends, dinner, desserts, wine, appletinis, and very little basketball. At the end of it all, I was at a loss for words and my blog seemed to be a heavy burden. There is was – My Low.

As I sat down at my desk this morning, searching for some return to ‘grey,’ there was a knock at my door. It was my grey, my return to evenness, my beacon to stay even, it was @AskDocG out of the blue with a small candy jar, symbolic of wishes for the Jewish Holiday, Purim. A reminder of my sweet time last week, celebrating my prototype and a nudge to enjoy the simple things in life like little traditions and the wonder of small gifts from a friend.

Quite possibly, I need to let myself feel more deeply, not stay in the dull grey all the time, but enjoy carbonate and graphite….these are warm and inviting colors and not as stringent as black and white. The deeper shades of grey, feel better, yet don’t allow for the crashing between spectrums.

Well, it is still Monday Morning, March 3, 2012 and I am ready to go…my prototype is good, my kids are at school, the dogs are snuggled inside away from the snow, and it is time for me to go pay my respects on dear little Florence and start my day.

And now your house is full of children laughing and sunshine (well, a little bit of sunshine). January and February are hard months that are more introspective than the others. I am looking forward to my own religious holidays and then summer will be here before we know it! Bless you my Pittsburgh friend! XOXO

Although quite emotional it is impressive you can find happiness and appreciation in things that are significant. It is hard yet I find it essential to control ones emotion as well. I don’t think being too emotional is wrong yet it can affect our performance at work, relationship with family and friends if not controlled.