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‘Can we go home yet?’ ask UK workers

Employees across the UK have come together with one voice this morning as temperatures plunge by as much as 2 degrees. The question on everyone’s lips? ‘Can we f*cking go home, or what?’

Frost, ice and even snow have been spotted in some locations that normally get a bit around this time of year, whilst weather websites are reporting ‘absolute gridlock’ as Internet traffic bottlenecks around local forecast pages as users refresh them up to 80 times an hour whilst typing things like ‘what temperature does it have to be for it to be illegal to work?’ in entirely irreverent search boxes.

‘I’m thinking of leaving just after lunch, in case the weather closes in’ says Katie Barns, a systems analyst from Scole who has been looking out of the window since 09:45.

‘They can’t make you work if it’s cold enough..for.. a horse to cough? This is about my basic human rights, so f*ck them!’ she rages before this journalist reminded her that she works from home. ‘That’s not the point though, is it? she asks, rhetorically. ‘That’s it! I saw a snowflake, DOWN TOOLS EVERYONE, THIS IS A PICKET LINE’.