I've got a stats for you. Who has two thumbs, an expensive watch and is writing this episode's post? Dick Masterson, that's who.

Like usual, controversy begins before the show does as we count down to a major milestone, but which one are we counting down to? 50 episodes or 1 year? Voice your opinion in the comments or by voting down monkeys.

Maddox attempts to shit himself out of the shit he stepped in with last week's Guardians of the Galaxy problem. That problem went down harder than the Titanic. Or did it? Maybe we'll find out in the next 30-second installment.

I bring in a timely vote grab: Income Tax. Maddox brings in some alarming stats on obesity, like that cars and trucks consume 938 million additional gallons of fuel per year transporting the weight Americans have put on since the 60s. And lastly, we invite everyone who worships at the Church of Bacon to try a bacon-wrapped go-fuck-yourself.