Toddler Tantrum in Public

So, my toddler throws enormous tantrums when we have to leave somewhere and he doesn't want to leave yet. I know it's the nature of the beast, but what do you do or recommend for this?

Tantrums at home I ignore, but you just can't do that in public - especially in places such as the park, mall, etc. I hate carrying him kicking and screaming away, but if I don't he just tries to run away from me, back to where he wants to stay. It's so embarrassing.

I refuse to bribe him - aka: if you cooperate with mommy I'll buy you a toy, ice cream, cookie, etc. Bad behavior will not be rewarded.

Help?

So, my toddler throws enormous tantrums when we have to leave somewhere and he doesn't want to leave yet. I know it's the nature of the beast, but what do you do or recommend for this?

Tantrums at home I ignore, but you just can't do that in public - especially in places such as the park, mall, etc. I hate carrying him kicking and screaming away, but if I don't he just tries to run away from me, back to where he wants to stay. It's so embarrassing.

I refuse to bribe him - aka: if you cooperate with mommy I'll buy you a toy, ice cream, cookie, etc. Bad behavior will not be rewarded.

Whenever I take my SO's 2 yr old in public and she throws a tantrum, all it takes is a smack to the leg and she cooperates. She knows that I don't do the bribing thing and that I absolutely will not tolerate a temper tantrum, so she's gotten a lot better at behaving in public.

Whenever I take my SO's 2 yr old in public and she throws a tantrum, all it takes is a smack to the leg and she cooperates. She knows that I don't do the bribing thing and that I absolutely will not tolerate a temper tantrum, so she's gotten a lot better at behaving in public.

"If religious people could be reasoned with, there would be no religious people.""I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar and often convincing."

Jack Channing Lockhart Born 6.26.2011 9:15am6lbs, 7oz; 21 in long

From:
Iwasfunonce

To: SpiralGalaxy

Posted: Apr-21 01:21 AM (3 of 45)

Tantrums are an inappropriate way for toddlers to express appropriate emotion. Ie "I'm upset we are leaving, so I'm going to have a cow". Sometimes you can head off tantrums by giving a heads up: ie "we have to go home soon. Would you like to play for 3 or 5 more minutes?". Sometimes identifying their distress can help: "I know you want to say. Your upset we have to leave...". Sometimes you just carry a screaming toddler out of a building.

Tantrums are an inappropriate way for toddlers to express appropriate emotion. Ie "I'm upset we are leaving, so I'm going to have a cow". Sometimes you can head off tantrums by giving a heads up: ie "we have to go home soon. Would you like to play for 3 or 5 more minutes?". Sometimes identifying their distress can help: "I know you want to say. Your upset we have to leave...". Sometimes you just carry a screaming toddler out of a building.

I agree with PP. Many toddlers are more freaked out by the sudden change of activity than actually leaving. It's totally out of the blue to them and super upsetting. Giving a count down will help ease them into the transition. They may still pitch fits, bit hopefully this will help.

Another technique is inform them it's almost time to go and give them two options of "last activities" (ie: two more times down the slide or three more minutes on the swing) that way they feel like they have some control and power in the situation.

I agree with PP. Many toddlers are more freaked out by the sudden change of activity than actually leaving. It's totally out of the blue to them and super upsetting. Giving a count down will help ease them into the transition. They may still pitch fits, bit hopefully this will help.

Another technique is inform them it's almost time to go and give them two options of "last activities" (ie: two more times down the slide or three more minutes on the swing) that way they feel like they have some control and power in the situation.

I always told my girls that if they were good and came when it was time to go then they would be allowed back another day. But If they cried or shouted when it was time to leave then they wouldn't get to come back. Not bribing, just explaining what would happen. It always worked for them. Hope that helps.

I always told my girls that if they were good and came when it was time to go then they would be allowed back another day. But If they cried or shouted when it was time to leave then they wouldn't get to come back. Not bribing, just explaining what would happen. It always worked for them. Hope that helps.

Definitely give a warning. Â If possible, give him something to look forward to along with the warning. Â "We have to leave in a few minutes, then we'll stop at the store, and then we get to go home and play with your toys." Â Then when you announce it's time to go, remind him of that fun thing you mentioned. Â "OK, it's time to go to the store now so we can get home and play with your toys." Â

When the kicking and screaming still happens, I always say something like, "I know you're upset, but we still have to go. Â Kicking and screaming doesn't change anything. Â Now, will you walk with me like a big girl or should I carry you out?" Â I always end up carrying her out anyway, but I'm hoping that the more she hears the message the sooner it will sink in.

I sympathize with you. Â Public tantrums are not fun! Â Just remember than EVERY mother deals with them, and if anyone's being judgmental, they obviously haven't had to deal with a toddler. Â Good luck!

Oh, and good for you for not bribing him! Â It will only make the tantrums keep happening.

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Definitely give a warning. Â If possible, give him something to look forward to along with the warning. Â "We have to leave in a few minutes, then we'll stop at the store, and then we get to go home and play with your toys." Â Then when you announce it's time to go, remind him of that fun thing you mentioned. Â "OK, it's time to go to the store now so we can get home and play with your toys." Â

When the kicking and screaming still happens, I always say something like, "I know you're upset, but we still have to go. Â Kicking and screaming doesn't change anything. Â Now, will you walk with me like a big girl or should I carry you out?" Â I always end up carrying her out anyway, but I'm hoping that the more she hears the message the sooner it will sink in.

I sympathize with you. Â Public tantrums are not fun! Â Just remember than EVERY mother deals with them, and if anyone's being judgmental, they obviously haven't had to deal with a toddler. Â Good luck!

Oh, and good for you for not bribing him! Â It will only make the tantrums keep happening.

When I was 9 months pregnant Faith had an award winning meltdown when it was time to leave the doctor's office. They have a kids play area with a little table and she crawled under the table screaming at the top of her lungs, "NOOOOOO MOMMMMY MEANNNNN!!!!"There I was with my giant pregnant belly crawling on hands and knees to pry her out from under the table and OF COURSE the maternity leggings I was wearing split right down the back. It was awful. I picked her up as she was screaming hysterically, my pants we ripped in the butt, I was sweating like a cow and had also begun to cry from the frustration and humiliation...awful.Normally she's a really good kid and doesn't pitch a fit when it's time to leave but that day she was the spawn of Satan. I do agree with the pp's that said to let LO know ahead of time that you're leaving soon so as to prepare him in advance.

When I was 9 months pregnant Faith had an award winning meltdown when it was time to leave the doctor's office. They have a kids play area with a little table and she crawled under the table screaming at the top of her lungs, "NOOOOOO MOMMMMY MEANNNNN!!!!"There I was with my giant pregnant belly crawling on hands and knees to pry her out from under the table and OF COURSE the maternity leggings I was wearing split right down the back. It was awful. I picked her up as she was screaming hysterically, my pants we ripped in the butt, I was sweating like a cow and had also begun to cry from the frustration and humiliation...awful.Normally she's a really good kid and doesn't pitch a fit when it's time to leave but that day she was the spawn of Satan. I do agree with the pp's that said to let LO know ahead of time that you're leaving soon so as to prepare him in advance.

My 2 1/2 year old throws tantrums all of the time. Here's what I think: Stop ignoring them at home. Give her consequences for the behavior at home too. We use time-out in a chair. We do the corner. Some people aren't a fan of the corner, but it works for her. If she knows you tolerate it (by ignoring it), she will do it in public too. Don't try to reason with her. I agree, bribing won't help, she will think if she screams she gets a treat. I made that mistake before...and it was a big mistake! Since my daughter likes to walk with us and not be in the cart, when she misbehaves in public, the cart is her time out, she has to sit in the cart. I used to be too "soft" with my daughter and she was walking all over me, so when I started not putting up with her behavior one bit, she realized I meant business. I don't give her a warning anymore for things like hitting, biting, pinching or pushing...if she does that it's an automatic time out.

My 2 1/2 year old throws tantrums all of the time. Here's what I think: Stop ignoring them at home. Give her consequences for the behavior at home too. We use time-out in a chair. We do the corner. Some people aren't a fan of the corner, but it works for her. If she knows you tolerate it (by ignoring it), she will do it in public too. Don't try to reason with her. I agree, bribing won't help, she will think if she screams she gets a treat. I made that mistake before...and it was a big mistake! Since my daughter likes to walk with us and not be in the cart, when she misbehaves in public, the cart is her time out, she has to sit in the cart. I used to be too "soft" with my daughter and she was walking all over me, so when I started not putting up with her behavior one bit, she realized I meant business. I don't give her a warning anymore for things like hitting, biting, pinching or pushing...if she does that it's an automatic time out.

Tantrums are an inappropriate way for toddlers to express appropriate emotion

Actually, tantrums are a completely appropriate way for toddlers to express themselves when they're upset because they don't know how to express themselves in any other way yet. From the ages 1 - 4 (approximately), the front part of the brain that helps control emotion is just mush for a toddler. It is being developed and will better develop if we as parents show them how to appropriately act in a situation. Sometimes bribing is the best way to deter the tantrums in order to get them focused on something else.

Tantrums are an inappropriate way for toddlers to express appropriate emotion

Actually, tantrums are a completely appropriate way for toddlers to express themselves when they're upset because they don't know how to express themselves in any other way yet. From the ages 1 - 4 (approximately), the front part of the brain that helps control emotion is just mush for a toddler. It is being developed and will better develop if we as parents show them how to appropriately act in a situation. Sometimes bribing is the best way to deter the tantrums in order to get them focused on something else.

My 17th month and I were at Barnes & Noble. I was getting a book, and I let her pick out a book too. As I was looking, she started pulling at my hand to let go of her, threw herself on the floor, then ran off and started taking books off of the shelf and tossing them. So I put them back and picked her up. She screamed bloody murder. Started throwing herself backwards in my arms, hitting, screaming, etc. So I took her book away, left the store immediately, and told her that little girls who throw tantrums don't get to pick out toys and books. I didn't think she really understood, but the next time we went, she was a perfect angel - so maybe she did. I let her pick out a book.

Ignoring Sophia's tantrums doesn't work - she just gets a little louder, meaner, and more dramatic. At home, she goes to time out or has something taken away. Good behavior receives praise, bad behavior gets a time out.

My 17th month and I were at Barnes & Noble. I was getting a book, and I let her pick out a book too. As I was looking, she started pulling at my hand to let go of her, threw herself on the floor, then ran off and started taking books off of the shelf and tossing them. So I put them back and picked her up. She screamed bloody murder. Started throwing herself backwards in my arms, hitting, screaming, etc. So I took her book away, left the store immediately, and told her that little girls who throw tantrums don't get to pick out toys and books. I didn't think she really understood, but the next time we went, she was a perfect angel - so maybe she did. I let her pick out a book.

Ignoring Sophia's tantrums doesn't work - she just gets a little louder, meaner, and more dramatic. At home, she goes to time out or has something taken away. Good behavior receives praise, bad behavior gets a time out.

Yes, the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until the mid twenties, and virtually non existent in toddlers. It's innapropiate from the adult point of view. My larger point is that the child is having the tantrum because of a valid reason, disappointment, anger, frustration, hunger, etc. It is absolutely OK for any of us to feel that way, it's what we do with those feelings that matter. As parents, if we can try to empathize with why a kid might be upset, we can sometimes sooth a tantrum.

Yes, the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until the mid twenties, and virtually non existent in toddlers. It's innapropiate from the adult point of view. My larger point is that the child is having the tantrum because of a valid reason, disappointment, anger, frustration, hunger, etc. It is absolutely OK for any of us to feel that way, it's what we do with those feelings that matter. As parents, if we can try to empathize with why a kid might be upset, we can sometimes sooth a tantrum.

I have totally been there and Â completely sympathize. Â In fact, I am sure that most of the parents at the park or where-ever have as well and aren't judging and are just glad it isn't them (yet) that day. Â So try to not let embaressment dictate how you respond (easier said than done).

I have had great success with the method others suggested- giving a warning and countdown that leaving will happen soon. Â I will also, when time to leave if they are on the toy structure say something like "it is time to go now. Â Would you like one last quick trip down the slide" and then I am waiting at the bottom all smiles and excitement. Â Every kid is different though, but this has worked about 95% of the Â time with my three.

This is a link to a series I am reading called "Tantrum Proof your Child". Â Thus far I am really getting a lot out of it. Â The author is a mom of 12, so huge time span and many different personalities to fully inform her perspective. Â I like that. Â I am always a little skeptical of the mom of 1 who has the perfect child and wants to tell you to have one too. Â Now, they might be am amazing parent and the greatness of their child's behavior is their doing. Â But they also might have just gotten lucky. Â

http://mommylife.net/archives/2011/03/tantrum_proof_y.html

Her basic premise is that tantrums are not an inevitable part of childhood. Â And not because you punish your child the first time they have one and never relent, but because you help teach your child how to deal with their emotions in a way that is beneficial for them (I think everyone can agree that a tantrum, no matter how common for a child, isn't actually beneficial) and productive to helping them learn to control their environment. Â I'm not all the way through the series yet, but so far it is great.Â

I have totally been there and Â completely sympathize. Â In fact, I am sure that most of the parents at the park or where-ever have as well and aren't judging and are just glad it isn't them (yet) that day. Â So try to not let embaressment dictate how you respond (easier said than done).

I have had great success with the method others suggested- giving a warning and countdown that leaving will happen soon. Â I will also, when time to leave if they are on the toy structure say something like "it is time to go now. Â Would you like one last quick trip down the slide" and then I am waiting at the bottom all smiles and excitement. Â Every kid is different though, but this has worked about 95% of the Â time with my three.

This is a link to a series I am reading called "Tantrum Proof your Child". Â Thus far I am really getting a lot out of it. Â The author is a mom of 12, so huge time span and many different personalities to fully inform her perspective. Â I like that. Â I am always a little skeptical of the mom of 1 who has the perfect child and wants to tell you to have one too. Â Now, they might be am amazing parent and the greatness of their child's behavior is their doing. Â But they also might have just gotten lucky. Â

http://mommylife.net/archives/2011/03/tantrum_proof_y.html

Her basic premise is that tantrums are not an inevitable part of childhood. Â And not because you punish your child the first time they have one and never relent, but because you help teach your child how to deal with their emotions in a way that is beneficial for them (I think everyone can agree that a tantrum, no matter how common for a child, isn't actually beneficial) and productive to helping them learn to control their environment. Â I'm not all the way through the series yet, but so far it is great.Â

"Tantrums are an inappropriate way for toddlers to express appropriate emotion."

Well said! My mothers approach when I was little was basically eye contact and "your feelings are valid but I need you to calm down so I can better understand them." Of course this was said in language a child could understand but that was her meaning. I use this approach with everyone in my life, adults, children, even my pets when they are acting out. I find that loss of control is a more gradual process than we realize, and if we stay on top of needs they are less likely to spiral into panic. "I understand and respect your feelings, even if I don't agree with them." Amazing how responsive people are if they feel they are being heard.

A warning before leaving and a consistent attempt to teach them how to express themselves without panic seems like a good approach. I don't know what I'm in for when LO becomes a toddler. It's going to be hard, I'm sure!

"Tantrums are an inappropriate way for toddlers to express appropriate emotion."

Well said! My mothers approach when I was little was basically eye contact and "your feelings are valid but I need you to calm down so I can better understand them." Of course this was said in language a child could understand but that was her meaning. I use this approach with everyone in my life, adults, children, even my pets when they are acting out. I find that loss of control is a more gradual process than we realize, and if we stay on top of needs they are less likely to spiral into panic. "I understand and respect your feelings, even if I don't agree with them." Amazing how responsive people are if they feel they are being heard.

A warning before leaving and a consistent attempt to teach them how to express themselves without panic seems like a good approach. I don't know what I'm in for when LO becomes a toddler. It's going to be hard, I'm sure!

Memphis is doing this now more and more frequently and normally it is because he is tired, hungry, or bored...(tantrums in general) and I am at a loss for what to do. I try to make sure all his needs are taken care of (just like when they are little babies and crying for no apparent reason) then deal with the tantrum. Not sure the time out thing is effective yet as he is still 16 months so for right now he usually gets a stern "no, no" and "we don't act that way because..." and then if that doesn't work he gets a tap or two on the leg or hand and that usually stops it dead in its track...

I guess whatever works is the best thing to do...I use to do A LOT of babysitting and thought I had everything figured out...boy was I wrong!! lol Good luck!

Memphis is doing this now more and more frequently and normally it is because he is tired, hungry, or bored...(tantrums in general) and I am at a loss for what to do. I try to make sure all his needs are taken care of (just like when they are little babies and crying for no apparent reason) then deal with the tantrum. Not sure the time out thing is effective yet as he is still 16 months so for right now he usually gets a stern "no, no" and "we don't act that way because..." and then if that doesn't work he gets a tap or two on the leg or hand and that usually stops it dead in its track...

I guess whatever works is the best thing to do...I use to do A LOT of babysitting and thought I had everything figured out...boy was I wrong!! lol Good luck!

I use a certain ring tone on my phone with my 3 year old and use it as a timer. For example at the park I set it for a 5 minute warning and then time to go.

I also tell the boys before we leave where all we are going. For example: we're going to go to target for shoes and then to the grocery store and buy food, then we'll go home. Then are the first stop I remind them that we'll go to the grocery for food and then go home.

For my 3 year old I keep a transition toy stashed in my bag for the times that he's having a difficult day.

If needed I'll find a place to sit and hold Micah tight when he's having a tantrum. the close/tight touch helps him calm down.

I will use a reward on long errand days, before we leave I'll tell him that if he has a good behavior day there will be a treat at the end. It's not every trip obviously but there are days that I know that's going to be a lifesaver for his behavior.

Also we've seen a decrease in tantrums as Micah has learned to speak more (speech delay) and we see an increase on the days when he's having a difficult time with his sensory issues.

I use a certain ring tone on my phone with my 3 year old and use it as a timer. For example at the park I set it for a 5 minute warning and then time to go.

I also tell the boys before we leave where all we are going. For example: we're going to go to target for shoes and then to the grocery store and buy food, then we'll go home. Then are the first stop I remind them that we'll go to the grocery for food and then go home.

For my 3 year old I keep a transition toy stashed in my bag for the times that he's having a difficult day.

If needed I'll find a place to sit and hold Micah tight when he's having a tantrum. the close/tight touch helps him calm down.

I will use a reward on long errand days, before we leave I'll tell him that if he has a good behavior day there will be a treat at the end. It's not every trip obviously but there are days that I know that's going to be a lifesaver for his behavior.

Also we've seen a decrease in tantrums as Micah has learned to speak more (speech delay) and we see an increase on the days when he's having a difficult time with his sensory issues.

All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.Thomas Jefferson

From:
nbabymakes3

To: AppleCore81

Posted: Apr-21 04:27 PM (20 of 45)

Is it terrible that I am alternating between sympathy and giggling with your story? :-)

That would be one of those moments that is terrible while it is happening but when you look back on (years after it happened, of course), kinda funny. I would totally bring that episode up to her when she becomes a teenager or new mom. hee hee

Is it terrible that I am alternating between sympathy and giggling with your story? :-)

That would be one of those moments that is terrible while it is happening but when you look back on (years after it happened, of course), kinda funny. I would totally bring that episode up to her when she becomes a teenager or new mom. hee hee

It's probably terrible, but I ignore the tantrum. I refuse to reward with any attention on that in public.. We have a talk about it when we're in the car or at home, and punishment will depend on the severity of the tantrum.

It's probably terrible, but I ignore the tantrum. I refuse to reward with any attention on that in public.. We have a talk about it when we're in the car or at home, and punishment will depend on the severity of the tantrum.

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