Love: 14 Ways to Keep Your Love Strong

From the time I became aware of what Valentine’s Day represented, I struggled with it. Who could struggle with true love, right?

Except, I wasn’t one of the girls who received Candy-grams in junior high. I wasn’t one of the girls who ever—ever—had a date to the Valentine’s dance. In my mind, I wasn’t pretty enough, or popular enough, or anything enough.

I came into adulthood with mixed-up ideas about Valentine’s Day. Yes, it was for celebrating true love. But not everybody got to be a part of the celebration.

It seems like the world tries to define for us what love looks like, what Valentine’s Day stands for.

The world touts this Valentine’s Effect.It sends the message that—only if we spend money, especially on certain gifts—is love understood.

Valentine’s Day has been twisted to glorify romantic love.

In focusing on this, the actual meaning of the day is neglected. That of celebrating enduring, in-it-forever love. This kind of love doesn’t necessarily require chocolate, or flowers, or fancy dinners as proof positive of love.

This kind of love is lived out 24/7/365, offering gifts that are meaningful to that person.

I asked a few friends what they’ve done so their love stands the test of time. Many of them have been married for decades. Here is what they shared:

MINDSET:
1. Determine that if the relationship is broken you fix it, not throw it away (Christy S).

2. Deciding beforehand that whatever comes you are going to work through it. We recently came through a rough time, but after I decided I was committed to work through it…not so bad. And yes, after 25 years there are still rough patches (Alena T)

Never hold in hurt or anger. It will only fester into a larger wound. Sometimes this requires tabling the issue until both are calmer. But sooner, rather than later, talk, apologize with true feelings and accept the other’s apology. Our history forms our relationship and respect for each other, strengthening our deep devotion and love . . . Never wish that you hadn’t gone through a storm because once you’re through it prayerfully, you each come out holding one another tighter and closer! (Maribeth H)

After our first fight in our dating relationship, I realized sarcasm devastated my heart. When we talked it out, we decided we wouldn’t fight with sarcasm. Being intentional about our words has helped us to “fight fair.”

Speak kind words about our spouses when we talk with others. When I talk down about my husband to friends, those are the impressions people remember.

Though honoring Valentine’s Day is a good way to remember the person we love most in this world, it should not be the only day we do something loving. Let’s be intentional about loving well the other 364 days of the year, as well.

What about you? What would you add to this list of what’s needed to make a love an “in-it-forever” kind of love? What has someone done for you that showed genuine love?

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Published by Jeanne Takenaka

Jeanne Takenaka writes contemporary fiction that deals with real life issues with a heart to draw women closer to God and to those around them. She is wife to one amazing man who is her real life hero, and mother to two exuberant boys who hope to one day have a dog of their own. She loves being God’s girl always learning about His grace, hanging out with friends, and enjoying a great cup of coffee.
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23 thoughts on “Love: 14 Ways to Keep Your Love Strong”

What a wonderful post, Jeanne. I always loathed Valentine’s Day because it emphasized the loneliness of those who wanted to be in a relationship – and weren’t.

I wouldn’t always agree with never holding in hurt or anger, though. Sometimes we need to damp down a quick response to a perceived injury to find out why that injury was inflicted in the first place.

There have been many times when I realized that a cutting remark had as its genesis a difficult conversation with family, or something similar…and I was simply available as a convenient outlet for frustration.

Andrew, I think you’re right about us not holding in hurt. I’ve found with my hubs that sometimes, we need a little distance between an argument and when we talk things out. But, we always talk thing through. )P And you’re right too about not being too quick to respond to a comment. That’s something I have had to work on. Wise words, my friend.

Yes, I remember feeling as if Valentine’s Day was someone else’s holiday but not mine, for sure! Thanks for reminding all of us, no matter what our “policy” on February 14 that the love of God is unchanging and it is embodied on this planet in the love that lives and abides between two believers who have promised their hearts to each other forever.

Beautiful words, Michele. Remembering that God’s love is unchanging is foundational, isn’t it? I still am in awe that He uses the relationship between a husband and wife to reflect His love for His kids. Thank you for adding to the conversation.

Great truths about love and relationships. I’m glad you asked others for their perspectives and shared your own too. My pastor described Valentine’s Day as a made-up holiday, which it is, so people spend money and one that usually recognizes the wife more than the husband. Love should be lived out everyday and should be a beautiful work in progress as you continue to learn from each other.

Mary, I always learn when others share what they’ve learned. It’s true, isn’t it? The woman or wife is usually the one who is singled out as special. You’re right, love should be lived out every day. And, in our case, it’s sometimes a bit of a messy work in progress. But I think that’s where grace comes in, yes? Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Mary!

Great post. I loved reading this and all the comments shared on Facebook.

I think the Valentine fallacy can extend into marriage. I remember feeling “cheated” because when I finally had that adorable husband, he didn’t shower me with gifts and mushy sentiment on Feb. 14. To him it was another day. He liked bringing flowers and gifts when he wanted to, not when the calendar told him to. Over the years he’s become more sentimental and learned it was important to me, but my early expectations put a lot of pressure on him to perform in the way I thought a husband should.

Mindy, I had that same sense of feeling “cheated” early in our marriage. I had never really gotten to celebrate Valentine’s Day before marriage. When I was married, I expected that to change. Yes, I admit, I’m still working through some selfish tendencies. Couple these expectations with a man who wasn’t raised to celebrate holidays beyond the Big Three, and it was a recipe for frustration. My guy brings flowers and gifts when he wants to as well. I’m glad there’s freedom in our relationship for him to do this. 🙂 I so appreciate your sharing here!

So many great tips here, Jeanne. We’re in it for the long haul, even during the tough times, not just when things are all rosy and warm. 24/7/365. Ummm… I still do love those Russell Stover chocolates though… 😉 Love and hugs to you!

I love these “collective wisdom” kind of posts, Jeanne. Your friends have shared some great thoughts. One thing I’ve gradually realized over the last several years is how internal factors like tiredness, stress, hormones, physical pain and even the side effects of medication can influence how people who truly love each other respond to each other. Grace is so important, and yet so hard to extend when I’m busy getting my feelings hurt and forgetting to put myself in someone else’s shoes. Loving the 1 Corinthians 13 way really is the best way, isn’t it?

Lois, I always learn from others’ words and wisdom too. This was a fun post to put together. I completely agree with you. How tired, hungry, sick, in pain I am are definitely going to filter into my interactions with those I love most. Grace is essential in our relationships—with spouses and with children, isn’t it? 1 Corinthians 13 definitely has it right. 🙂

Jeanne,
Loved this post and all the different ideas. I’m kind of tired of the world giving us these souped up versions of Hallmark holidays. For me, I find it just sets unrealistic expectations. I’d rather get flowers on a random day just because…rather than expecting something on a certain day. But I guess I’ve always gone against the grain…
Blessings,
Bev xo

Bev, you’re right. Hallmark holidays. Love that. We come away with the mistaken idea that everything should be sentimental, perfect, meaningful. Real life has us living messy sometimes, doesn’t it? I’ve definitely had to adjust my perception of Valentine’s Day. Having a husband who loves well every day of the year has made it easy for me to relax my expectations of how Valentine’s Day should run. Loved your thoughts here. Thanks, Bev!

Jeanne Takenaka writes contemporary inspirational fiction that deals with real life issues with a heart to draw women closer to God and to those around them. She is wife to one amazing man who is her real life hero, and mother to two exuberant boys who hope to one day have a dog of their own. She loves being God’s girl always learning about His grace, hanging out with friends and enjoying a great cup of coffee. She and her family live near the mountains in Colorado. She is a member of ACFW and My Book Therapy Voices.

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