Why is it that some of us think so much of others but not much of ourselves?

Maybe because we’ve allowed so many negative messages about ourselves to enter our heads over the years since childhood, but for some reason we don’t think anyone else could have had the same experience.

In our minds, everyone else is living well and oh so happy. Everyone else is just great! But we can’t see the greatness in ourselves.

The truth is that everyone else around us is probably going through the same stuff. But because we think everyone ELSE is awesome and perfect, we will do more for them and pay more attention to them than our own selves. How twisted is that?

Women do this the most by far.

Do you downgrade yourself when talking about yourself but uplift and support everyone else?

Are you always coming to the rescue of others but don’t think you’re worthy or important enough to help yourself?

Do you minimize your own light to let the light of others to shine brighter?

This can apply to something as seemingly minor as neglecting to tell people that it’s your birthday. Are you the type of person who will hold back from telling people that it’s your birthday, on the day of your birthday, for fear of seeming “narcissistic” or self serving? I used to be one of those people, but now I am more than happy to tell everyone who will listen that it’s my b-day or that it’s coming up soon. Yes! This was the day that the awesome human being that is ME came to be. Celebrate with me baby!

And guess what? I get gifts, birthday wishes and special dinner offers when I do that!

So here is the question of this post:
How can you be everything to everyone else when you’re nothing to yourself?

The answer is that you can’t. No way possible. Even people who have sky high self-esteem and self-worth know that it’s impossible to please or help everyone.

Take care of yourself! I can’t stress this enough. It’s admirable to want to help others but it’s only truly EFFECTIVE when you’re mentally, emotionally, physically and financially healthy first.

If there is one concept that I have learned to be very much true concerning the laws of the universe it’s that Karma is real.

I believe that we are all a part of one. We’re connected. So no matter how disparate our lives seem, no matter how much we try to separate ourselves into different communities and groups, we are all one. So when you go out of your way to do or say something negative to someone else, it’s like you are doing it to yourself. It’s going to come back to you in some way whether you like it, believe it or not.

I also have a theory that some people experience small bouts with Karma almost immediately because the Universe wants us to learn a lesson quickly. God wants us to move on to bigger and better things. I experience this type of thing all the time — small, manageable things like stubbing your toe after mumbling something not so nice under your breath.

When karma takes its time to work it’s because the offender doesn’t have as much potential to change for the better. The karma just builds up over time until it finally drops on that person’s head like an anvil.

You give judgment, you get judgment.
You give criticism, you get criticism.
You give blame, you get blame.
You give support, you get support.
You give love and understanding, you get that in return.

The Golden Rule is called “golden” because it is a simple yet valuable tool to carry around with you at all times…

“Treat others the way that you would want to be treated.”

Because guess what, good or bad, at some point you *will* be treated that same exact way. And when that happens all you can really do is thank yourself!

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

A quick search of the definition of selflessness turns up this result:
“Having, exhibiting or motivated by no concern for oneself.”

In other words, being selfless is like trying to be a martyr. You sacrifice your needs in favor of others. You don’t care about yourself (or at least you say you don’t), only others.

Some believe that this term is synonymous with being unselfish, but I disagree. Let me tell you why I think being selfless is actually a very selfish way to live.

1. It Creates a Vacuum.
Being selfless is not normal. It basically says that everyone else in the world is important except for you. But you should be the most important person in your life. You are an important being. So when you go about your life with this attitude it’s like you’re creating a sort of vacuum where positive energy (your positive life force) is constantly being sucked out of you but you’re not allowing it to be replaced. When someone does come to you and say “let me help you” the “selfless” attitude within causes you to say “no no no. I don’t need help. I don’t need love. I don’t deserve or want any of that goodness.” You’re rejecting the good from coming back into your life, which is making it harder for the Universe to do its job. The Universe doesn’t like that — it wants you to be filled up to the brim and beyond with good things. Fighting natural laws is selfish.

2. It Demands Recognition.
When you selflessly spread yourself thin by preoccupying yourself with the lives of others, in a way it is a cry for attention, love and recognition. You believe that if you do everything for everybody, one day the world will say “Man, that Sally is just so awesome!” Then when that doesn’t happen as you dreamed it would, and people just start to expect you to help them out all of the time, you become resentful and angry. Constantly putting yourself out on a limb because you want to be seen as a martyr is selfish.

3. You’re Ignoring Your Own Needs. When you’re selfless, you’re actually being the most selfish to YOURSELF. You have needs just like the next person. You matter just like the next person. So if you run yourself ragged every day helping everyone else and don’t even stop to nourish your own mind, body and soul you are doing a great disservice to yourself. You are the only person who you can really count on to take care of your needs. Ignoring your own needs is being selfish to yourself.

When you think about it from this perspective, clearly being selfish and selfless are negative behaviors. A happy, healthy and fulfilled person is open to helping others but not at the expense of her own sanity and well-being.

Do your daily behaviors fall under the category of being “selfless?”

If so, it may be time to re-evaluate. You are important and deserve attention to your needs as well. It’s time to give YOU the attention you need to set your world back into its proper balance.

Are you living your life the way you want to live it, or the way you’ve been told or taught you have to live it?

There’s a good chance that you are where you are right now in life because you have allowed the opinions, thoughts, actions and words of other people to pigeonhole you into a certain station in life.

We create and form our reality. What we accept for ourselves is what we get.

Someone, maybe a parent, sibling or peer, insulted you throughout your younger years. Eventually you started to believe that characterization of who you are.

A mean, miserable teacher told you that the only job you would be good at is working at a grocery store. So instead of pursuing a job or career in the field of your choice you continue to work in retail stores. (In fact, schools often shape our futures by forcing us to choose a major without giving us proper counseling about this major life decision.)

Your friends taught you that drinking and getting drop down drunk every weekend or taking drugs is normal, so that’s what you continue to do week after week.

You were told since a young child that getting married and having babies is crucial to being a happy normal woman. But here’s a newsflash: a lot of married women with kids are absolutely miserable! Some young women may be happier if they follow a different path early on before settling down.

Someone may have told you that your skin color wasn’t the “right” shade, or that you weren’t attractive enough, or that you’re not the right size, so you believed those things and took a certain path in life based on that information.

Words can be powerful. Accepting a negative affirmation into your reality is almost like taking a spoonful of slow acting poison that breaks down your life force little by little every day. Accepting the opinions and beliefs of others into your reality can cause low self-esteem, which causes you to live a less fulfilling life. Low self esteem prevents you from dreaming big.

How can we ever manage to live a life that makes us happy if we’re living our lives based on what other people want or see for us?

What do YOU really want for your life? What do YOU see for yourself? Where do YOU want to be? Who do YOU want to share your life with?

If you’re not happy with the way your life has been going, start answering these questions.

Then start envisioning the answers manifesting in your life.

Then start living your life the way it was meant to be lived!

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

As a young girl and woman I was always the one who selflessly gave of myself to others — even when it wasn’t convenient for me. I’d take the smallest portion to eat, even though I had just spent hours in the kitchen cooking the meal. I would relinquish a spot at the outlet in a coffee shop so that someone else could charge up, even if that meant I would have to cut my time working or studying short. I would go out of my way to please men sexually, even when I wasn’t really pleased in return. I would drive people all around town to help them out even if it caused me to be late for my own affairs.

I think a lot of us women do these things in one way or another — putting others ahead of us; putting their needs ahead of ours. It’s a learned behavior — a lot of us learn it from watching the older women in our families do this 24/7 for years and years.

For me that type of thinking is now a distant memory as I have adopted the new motto: “I am the most important person in my life.” I believe that statement should be true in every person’s life.

This is not a call for us to be selfish and neglect everyone around us — it’s a call for us to stop being selfless as women and prioritize our own needs. Being selfless is not good — we NEED self. We need that self to be strong and happy. The truth is that if we’re not okay, we can’t do much good for anyone else. This includes mothers, wives, caregivers, employees and volunteers. It’s crucial that we tend to our own needs first and foremost — only then can we properly tend to the DESERVING AND APPRECIATIVE people on our lives who need our help and provide reciprocal support/love.

So if someone tries to make you feel guilty for putting your needs before theirs, don’t be afraid to stand up and say “YES I MATTER, I COME FIRST IN MY LIFE. Who comes first in YOUR life?”

Showing love and attention to yourself is one of the first bold steps toward complete and unlimited happiness. Start today.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Last night this little black and white cat was outside wrangling bones out of the garbage and sleeping in the cold. Now he’s in my lap, warm and toasty, purring.

I saw him earlier in the day milling around in the freezing cold. He came up to me and meowed like he had something to tell me. I left some food out. Later on that night something made me look outside.

There he was looking right back at me.

I smiled and shook my head. “Come on in kitty,” I told him, and he did.

Reaching Out — Sometimes You Just Have To
I’ve always been the type of person who keeps things in instead of reaching out for help. I have mostly saved my tears and moments of distress for late nights under my covers.

But what I’ve been learning more and more over the years is that sometimes you have to open up and let people in (even just a bit) if you want to live a better and more fulfilled life. Sometimes you need a little help, even if it’s just a positive word of encouragement, and you may be surprised to learn that there are good intentioned people who are more than happy to give it to you.

This little cat helped drive that point home for me. If he hadn’t come up to me to say “hi,” approaching me in such a friendly and open manner, I probably wouldn’t have taken him in, fed him and given him a warm place to sleep. He’s now officially a house cat with a home.

Trust Your Intuition
The main lesson here is that you can’t live your life in fear of people judging or rejecting you, because there’s always that chance that reaching out to one special person will open you up to a new and better opportunity. You have to follow your intuition and do bold or scary things sometimes to unlock those doors.

Hey, thanks for looking out!

I don’t think that you should trust *everyone* that you meet, but you should trust your intuition, always. If you feel it is strongly telling you to reach out for help from someone in particular (like kitty over there), don’t let your fear get in the way. Do what you need to do to be healthy, happy and whole.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

I finally had a chance to watch The Other Shore: The Diana Nyad Story documentary. She is the lady who planned a swim from Cuba to Florida. This documentary was a perfect example of how the negative people around you can hold you back from accomplishing things in life.

Diana’s partner was negative about her swim from start to finish. She told Diana she couldn’t do it before, during and after her historic attempts to swim from Cuba to Florida.

In some cases people will discourage you because of their own personal fears.

In other cases it’s jealousy and insecurity because they don’t have the guts to accomplish anything real in life.

In the case of the documentary I watched about the Diana Nyad story, I believe her partner was just really frightened about losing her loved one. And that is understandable.

But regardless of her motivations, it’s still a problem when you have a demotivating person in your life who is constantly telling you that you can’t do something.

They can’t see what you see — all that they can see is the circumstances right in front of them. They can’t dream like you — yet.

Sometimes that negative person’s will and energy is so strong that they can interrupt, intercept or delay your goals. In Diana’s case, what she needed was a BOOST when she hit those milestones. All that she got was fear, doubt and negativity from her peers.

Diana Nyad’s case was extreme because her life was in danger for her dreams. But for most of us, our dreams are attainable without having to risk our lives. Yet some of us still don’t take the chance because we have negative people around us telling us that we can’t. We’re scared of social disapproval and people saying “I told you so.” We care too much about the opinions of other people when it comes to our dreams and goals.

So who do you have in YOUR life that is holding you back from your ultimate accomplishment? You may find that removing that voice from your life might be the one way to open a road toward meeting or achieving your long time goal — and it could happen more quickly than you ever imagined.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.