I don’t like to brag, but some of my friends are really famous, important people. For instance, the ex-wife of the stand up comic who opens for Ronnie Millsaps is a friend of mine. So is the wife of the drummer for …um…well, I can’t remember–but he’s really famous. And I saw Wynona Judd at Target not too long ago.

But my most famous friend of all is probably Alan Greenspan, former chairman of the Federal Reserve. This relationship will come as a surprise to most of my friends and family, but, like I said, I don’t like to brag.

I first met Alan back in 1992. I was living in Little Rock and working for NBC News at the local office they had opened to cover Bill Clinton’s first presidential campaign. I served in a role of immense strategic importance to the network and my duties included:

making sure that NO MAYONNAISE ever touched their food (all the New Yorkers and Washington-types were convinced that it is some sort of Southern poison–they’d heard too many stories about bad potato salad at picnics)

repeatedly telling them that the clocks in Little Rock were indeed set to local–central–time, not eastern (as in New York) time.

unlocking the studio doors at 5:30 a.m. when either James Carville or George Stephanopolous was scheduled to be on the Today Show.

answering the phone

It was in the last capacity that I first became acquainted with Alan. Or Greenie as those of us in his inner circle call him. You see, it was during this time that Greenie was wooing NBC correspondent Andrea Mitchell. He’d call every couple of days and they’d talk. She’d get all giggly and act like she was 15 instead of on the plus side of 40. A few years later, they were married.

So all this to say that my thoughts naturally turned to Greenie as someone who could talk me through the current economic crisis. As soon as I can find his number, I’m going to call him and get some advice. I’ll let you know what he says.

I’ll bet whatever Greenie has to tell you about the economy won’t make you giggly like a 15-year-old.
Meanwhile I can give you some advice:there, there, Cindy, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. See, it doesn’t hurt now, does it. (That’s what four-year-old grandson tells eight-month-old grandson when he cries.)