The Lorena Letters: an Internet scam exercise

This fund is designated for humanitarian, cancer victims, Christian widows, orphanages with special emphasis. This must be disbursed with every appropriation, accountability and prudence to the glory of God.

Please, I will want you to send me your full name and address, including your direct phone number so that I will give it to my lawyer to prepare an affidavit of oath in your favor that will officially and legally approved you as the new beneficiary to this fund, so that even if I am no more, your claim to the fund will not be in doubt.

Mrs. Lorena Benzel

Beloved,

You are truly an inspiration to all the other diseased ex-wives of Ivory Coastian government officials with millions of dollars tucked away in bank accounts that only you and I can access together. I will never betray your confidence, my dear, as I am merely a common laborer in Orange County and confidence is something men like me, men whose hands touch the earth, SHALL NOT BETRAY.

I am a little concerned, however, (just a smidge) about the length of your list of places where the 2.8 million in US dollars should go once it is in my possession. Are you sure about giving all 2.8 million in US dollars to cancer victims, Christian widows and orphanages? I mean orphanages (really?) are so last century, don't you think? I am certain that when you meet me, you will find me equally deserving.

What I failed to mention in my other correspondence — I am sorry, my beloved — is that I was raised in an orphanage, of a sort. Miss Jennie's House of Cats — terrible and suggestive name, I know — was my home for the first eight years of my life. It was a brutal existence. Scratches, sleep deprivation due to the late-night mewing of my bedmates, and our only fun was Sunday nights when we received Fancy Feast Marinated Morsels in one large dish. I had to push and shove for every morsel I could consume.

I know your time on this earth, oh frail one, is running out. Please contact me quickly while you still have the strength to sign over the money to me.

Yours in purity,

Keith

•••

My dearest sister Keith,

I thank God this day for your kind response to my mail. Your complete assurance that you will utilize this fund as I have stipulated was also be a morale booster to my dying soul.

Thank you also for the details which you sent to me. I have sent it to my lawyer for him to prepare the affidavit of claim in your favor which will make you the rightful beneficiary of this fund.

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