A gay Realtor smacking his forehead over the anti-gay comments of a born-again hillbilly from "Duck Dynasty" wins this year's 55-Word Writing Contest.

Sean A. Davis of Stockton said it wasn't even the notorious anti-gay twanging of Phil Robertson in GQ magazine that inspired him to write a 55-word lampoon.

Rather, in the firestorm that followed, it was the way the usual brainiacs on the right rose to Robertson's defense, he said.

"It wasn't even so much what he said - I'm kind of used to that - it was more the reaction afterwards from fans of the show and Sarah Palin and Bobby Jindal, all rising to his defense and his First Amendment rights," said Davis, 52.

A Realtor since 2000, Davis enjoys working with first-time homebuyers. "Not the hottest thing in today's market," he joked. "Just more rewarding. They seem to be more excited, more appreciative."

He also loves to read - World War II is a favorite subject - and to venture on road trips. "I've been to all states except for 14. Not surprisingly in the Deep South."

Davis wins $55 and the First Amendment right to satirize a bodaciously bearded bumpkin. Other entries appear below.

Y'all done good, 55ers.

If it Quacks Like a Duck

Don't cawl it hayte.

Shucks it's just homerphobia!

Mighta suspect'd I'm a hayter

(Just the same, now it's known tuya)

Dem negroes had it good

Sweeeeet as molasses

Least howze I rememba'

Through rose colored glasses

I'ze Duck Dynasty Phil

Cluckin' ma mind to a mag

Spreadin' God's love tutha world!

('Lessena course yuza fag)

— Sean A. Davis

That Awkward Moment

That awkward painful moment when you arrive home after your dad finds your diary and instead of putting it back unopened, he reads it and then jumps into the car like madman to hunt you down at the movie theater where you said you were going with your boyfriend, only you're not there.

Turtles are cute. I wish they were pink, though. Green is an ugly color. Their skin is squishy. It feels weird. Turtles look shy when they stick their heads back in their shell thing. I guess that's what makes them cute. Do you like turtles? I like turtles. Okay I am done talking about turtles.

— Nori Giron

Tikkun Olam

Hebrew term,

Jewish philosophy:

“Healing a broken world.”

Lessons carefully taught —

Always remembered,

Not always practiced.

Striving for a better world

By launching loving acts ...

A thanking letter,

Helping a neighbor.

Donating, assisting.

Paying forward.

Smiles, nods, hugs.

Paying backward.

Teaching by example,

Making the here/now

Rewarding, worthwhile.

Acts Of Kindness

Are A-OK.

— Dave Sorgent

Emperor of the Earth Do List

• Make world peace

• Extinguish all wars

• Eliminate all illnesses

• Solve all crimes

• Eliminate all poverty

• Educate all children so that they are all geniuses.

• Make all women beautiful, all men handsome, and dogs friendly

• Replace screeching electric guitars with cellos

• Replace the words “you guys” with “y'all”

• Replace the word “awesome” with anything but “awesome.”

— Jim DeLoach

Untitled

Seattle fans, it's time to rejoice

Your 12th man roared, we've heard your voice

It's time to cheer in the great northwest

This year, you are the best of the best.

But history doesn't lie

And no matter how high you fly,

One big game best

Is four shy

Of your friends in the west.

— Martin Bagnasco

I Have a Better Dream

I Have a Dream: Stop worshipping false heroes!

It makes you look like lazy zeroes.

If being a protester merited a holiday,

we'd celebrate Newborn Babies Day.

Don't listen to the Jesse Jackson rants

and the liberal media sycophants.

Being successful is no great mystery.

Just work your butts off and make some real history.

— Steve Ware

Party Line

Republicans and Democrats

Go together like dogs and cats

There's seldom a subject on which they agree

No matter how logical might be the plea

If one votes yes, the other votes no

Regardless of whether it's apropos

Voters' will is seldom addressed

They'd rather pass their party-line test

— Kathy Johnson

Special Delivery

Tears welled in the mailman's eyes when he saw the state prison address on the Morgans' outgoing letter.

He replayed images of a younger Matthew sprinting to his grandparent's mailbox during Saturday visits.

Their eyes beamed with pride.

DC#M90143. Matthew, what went wrong?

Hurt and hope delivered in Forever-stamped envelopes,

and a mailman prays.

— Cheryl Johnston

6:45 Stockton February morning

Osprey swooping low,

Dive unsuccessful.

Circles back.

Gets a fish.

Heads south.

From the east a mugger crow flaps close.

Conflict flies beyond my window view

Thump thump on the roof!

Outside; slippers, robe, coffee mug;

I scan the roof front, side, back;

Atop neighbor's birch

Teeters an osprey observing me:

Slippers, robe, coffee mug.

— Catherine New

To Ellie

The radiance of you in my every morning

is like the presence of God in a glorious sunrise.

If there were but one star, one flower, one song,

I would want these to be yours.

If there should be but one...a single bell...

I would make it ring for Thee.

Happy 80th Birthday darling

— Chuck Barnard

Too late for words

They say she has only months, perhaps weeks. You agonize over some things you regret saying, and many you wish had been said. You pray for another chance to say them, but it's too late. The final days fly away. There is no time left, and she's gone. The unspoken words will haunt your memories.