You know who was fantastic? Jack Nicklaus. I’m not talking about being good at golf, he was just awesome. He got to exist in a time when adult men could be famous for their trade and look and dress and act like a reserve astronaut at all times. Look at the people around him. Do you see any 34 year old bloggers wearing suits that don’t fit, scribbling into little notepads with a smirk on their face about the funny headline they’re gonna write the next day? Nope. Just a bunch of 70-f**king year old men, smiling and laughing about the golf. And his nickname was “The Golden Bear.” Yeah, Jack Nicklaus was fantastic.

Who do we have like Jack Nicklaus now? Ben Crane? He puts funny videos on the Internet. Tiger Woods sends sexts about needing you right now. If Jack Nicklaus could text, he’d do it with his entire fist, and that is not a rerun Chuck Norris joke, that is historic sports fact.

Sports

The Best Nicknames in Sports - The reason for the opening blurb. Travel back in time to that wonderful, bygone era when pictures could be cool without nipple slips or funny faces. “The Golden Bear” is still the best, but “Puddin’ Head” is pretty close. And “Crazy Legs.” I would do anything for my peers to call me “Crazy Legs.” [Life]

Top 5 Signature Go-To Moves in the NBA - This is a great list, even if it reminds me of how much I used to love Tim Hardaway and the UTEP 2 Step. Basketball was awesome when you could just pick up the ball and run around with it. Then Tim Hardaway had to open his mouth, and I stopped liking basketball so much. [Hoop Doctors]

Tony LaRussa’s Eye and Making Up For Lost Time - Funny names for LaRussa’s gross pink-eye. The funniest name I could come up with was “drunk driving face.” Or maybe Tony LaRusseye. Tony LaGrosseye. Tony the guy with the gross eyeball. Boom, still got it. [Pineriders]

Collision Free Kick - I’m still not 100% on what is happening in this video, but apparently there’s a soccer post every day, so here’s a video of a pretty funny trick play. I just hope “okay, when you fall down, look like idiots” was part of the instructions. Congratulations, you won soccer the stupid way! [Buzzfeed]

Not Sports

Director of ‘Salt’ is remaking Bloodsport - Now I show you some trick or two. A guy who is terrible at making movies has decided to remake one of my favorite movies. Thankfully this has already happened about 400 times during my short life, so whatever. As long as they have the “it is American sh:thead who makes tricks with bricks!” guy return as himself and say that quote exactly like that, I’m fine. [Film Drunk]

My Minecraft Neighbor Totoro - “Minecraft” is a scary, separatist thing to me, but I love Studio Ghibli and have a Totoro tattoo so I’ve got to link this here. Somebody used video games to make unlimited Legos for all, and now you can make anything you want. Wait, can you shoot a buffalo or lasso and hogtie a guy who was trying to stab a prostitute? Eh, I’ll wait for the sequel. [Topless Robot]

Deadpool’s 10 Best Fourth Wall Breaks - Foghorn Leghorn already did this, and I’m not sure what you would like about Deadpool you wouldn’t like more with Foghorn Leghorn. [Gamma Squad]

71 Ridiculous And Insane Craigslist Ads - I’m guessing the Batiri promising to sell The Colony’s skulls on Craigslist after King of Trios isn’t on here. The only people I ever run into on Craigslist are robots who want to show me pictures of their boobs, but it’s actually viruses. So basically Craigslist is college. [Uproxx]