Have A New Husband by Friday

“There isn’t a woman on this Earth who hasn’t wanted, at one time or another, to trade in her husband for a new one.

Have a new husband by Friday? Is that even possible? To tell you the truth, it’s a scam. You can have a new husband by Wednesday if you do it right. Even better, there’s no need to trade your man in for a newer model; all he needs is a little tune-up. You can change your husband’s attitude, behaviour, and communication in just 5 days.

Dr. Kevin Lemann, New York Times bestselling author and internationally known psychologist, show you how you can turn your man into the man of your dreams.

It’s the miracle turnaround you’re longing for. Guaranteed.”

It’s hard to put down a book that has this synopsis. Written tongue in cheek and with relevant content that was guaranteed to work, I decided to pick this book up at a book fair in Bt Timah. Even if it may not work for me I thought it would provide a few good chuckles.

Dr. Kevin Leman puts across almost simplistically how different men and women think but offers alternative resolutions and step-by-step on how these differing thoughts and how these thoughts come out in actual speech CAN move in the same direction. Put it this way, to improve on anything in life, changes need to be made. There is no way such improvements can just fall on your lap. Or a struck of lightning might do the trick, you think? If money is no issue, one can always pay to speak to a professional. It does get some airs out at first before the suggestions on life improvement sets in. However, if the budget is tight but the heart yearns a better chance at rebuilding what you already have… this book can be for you. As with all other self-help books, you need to of course help yourself. Self-help books offer fantastic self-reflections that not necessarily many may want to hear from a professional. Change has to start from within. Once we open up our hearts to make positive changes as to how we have been living our lives, a fresh new day begins.

Take a couple more peeks from this link below and see if you are tempted enough to pick up this book from the library. I just had to purchase it, just in case… err… you know… for future referencing? LOL.

Let me just share one excerpt from his book as extra insight into his writing. This personally worked for me. As with many other women on Earth, there is this thing men dislike (okay.. actually they hate it).. it is called a nagging spouse. Dr Kevin recommened these steps.

Say It Once, Then Skip The Nagging

If you want your husband to do something, try this wonderful three-step process, guaranteed to get results.

1. Say it once.

2. Turn your balk and walk away.

3. Resist the temptation to remind him.

Let’s say at 6pm on Saturday your friends, the Johnsons, are coming for dinner. The yard is a real mess from your husband’s projects, and you’d like to get it picked up before your guests arrive. You’re hoping he’ll think of it himself, but he doesn’t. So at 10am in the morning on Saturday, you tel your husband, “Honey, the Johnsons are coming for dinner. Would you mind picking up the yard before they get here? Having our home look nice is important to me.”

The typical male will nod in response. If he hasn’t used his word count for the day yet, he might even say, “Okay, I’ll do that.”

So you go about your business to get other things done that day. But you don’t see any action from your husband and you get antsy. You’re afraid that he’s forgotten. He’s been puttering around in the garage, but there’s no action on your front lawn. So, if you’re anything like Mrs. Uppington (my beloved wife), half an hour later you remind him. “Uh honey, are you still going to pick up the yard?”

“Yup,” he says, and continues on his project.

Give it a couple more hours and you’re starting to steam. After all, it’s 2pm and the Johnsons are coming in 4 hours. You’re really going to be embarrassed if the yard is in such a mess. If you remind him again, get prepared for a sullen husband who isn’t going to be helpful now -or ever again.

What you haven’t taken into account is the male mind-set. Here’s what he’s thinking : She told me at 10 in the morning to pick up the yard. Okay, I’ll do that. I want to finish my project in the garage first. Let’s see they’re coming at 6 and it takes me 10 mins to take a shower and clean up so if I attack the yard at 4, I’ll have plenty of time. And off he goes with his plan for the day.

Your husband has every intention of doing what you ask. Remember, he wants to please you. He’s even scheduled what you want done in his day. But reminding him short-circuits his “want to” and his pleasure in doing something for you. Every time you remind him, he’s thinking, “What, you don’t think I can keep anything in my head for a few hours? Of course, I’m going to get that done.

Each of us has our own private logic- the way we look at life. If you tell your husband, the two of you need to be somewhere at a specific time, most men will calculate in their mind, “Okay, let’s see here. We have to be there by 7. The traffic that time of the day is pretty slow after rush hour. So we’ll need to leave by 6:10.” He also figures out the best way to get from Point A to Point B and has it all plotted out.

………..

We are two completely different creatures, but we can still learn to get along fabulously. How you use your words makes all the difference.

If you want to make your husband feel like an idiot, continue to remind him of what he’s supposed to be doing and when. Just keep talking. Nagging always creates a resentful husband.

Don’t go there. Give your husband some credit for being a grown-up and he’ll act like one (well, at least most of the time-there’s still that little boy in all of us.) Tell him once and let the information go into his computer to be swirled around until he solves the problem.

………..

If he doesn’t get it done, then add another step.

4. Let reality be the teacher.

Although I wished I had gotten a hold of his book sooner, I had the same problem solved by biting my tongue (many times! – painful okay!) and really reel in patience from the reserves. These days, hubs is the one reminding me of what I planned for us to get done or somewhere that we needed to go to.

Some of us have this thing with the ILs, yah yah, no need to elaborate. We have those meet ups that we sometimes have just cannot miss, know what I mean but I totally love this one! Read on…

Say you’re out for dinner with your in-laws and your father-in-law is telling you for the 3rd time about the great golf game he had 3 days earlier. You reach under the table, unbeknownst to your father-in-law, give your husband’s thigh a couple little taps in such a way that, wow, have you got his attention! It’s the hint that says, “Hey, let’s wrap up the evening.” If you know it’s going to be a bring evening, you might even want to say, as you’re going out the door to the dinner, “I can’t wait to hold you in my arms once dinner is over.” That will start his motor running, and he’ll tell himself he is the luckiest guy in the world. He’ll treat you that way all through dinner. He’ll sit there smiling at you and thinking, “Not only does my wife love me and think I’m sexy, but she’s willing to go to dinner and hear about golf for an hour from my dad. She can’t wait to make love to me. She loves me, wants me, needs me.”

So, what’s in it for you? If, in order to make ends meet for your family, your husband needs to paint houses on the weekend besides doing his regular job during the week, he’ll do it. If he needs to pick up your daughter from preschool in the afternoon, because you’re so exhausted due to your deadlines and need to take a nap, he’ll arrange to leave work early and pick her up. Why? Because you’ve made him the most important priority in your life, so he’ll return the favour.

How To Make Love To Your Man

1. Affirm his hard work in providing for your family.

2. Ask for his help and promise him a reward.

3. Be positive even in tough times.

4. Learn to think differently. Marriage isn’t about what he’s supposed to do or what you’re supposed to do; it’s a relationship.

5. Get behind his eyes to see how he views the world and what’s important to him.

6. Surprise him and take him someplace he’d like to go.

I was reading Dr. Kevin’s note to his wife in his book and was envious of how a man could write so deeply to the woman he loves..

“To Mrs. Uppington, the best wife and friend I could ever have. I thank God for the day I met you (in the men’s restroom), and that you said yes more than 45 years ago in teh field behind my parents’ home. (I always was a romantic.) I know that as a little girl you prayed to someday have a man of character. But God has a sense of humour; he decided a character would do.

What a class act you are, Mrs Uppington – a terrific momand a delightful woman to share life with. It’s been a great ride, hasn’t it? What could be better than 5 great kids who love us and love each other? You’ve enriched not only my life with your beauty, strength, kindness and thoughfulness, but countless others.

With love, Leemie.”

……. hence with hubs away, I was silently surprised when I received this text on our anniversary today……..

Happy Anniversary, baby.. I love you lots and miss you lots more. I truly appreciate all that you have done for me and the family. In my mind, no one else does it better than you and I am fortunate to have you as my wife and the ever loving and caring mother to our four children. I wouldn’t be who or where I am now without you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your patience, care, concern and sacrifices that you have done for all of us. I am a man of few words and words can hardly describe my gratitude for all that you’ve done.

Lots of love, from your…

There can’t be a better gift than this and Dr Kevin Leman’s good book, especially on our 13th anniversary… so thank you, buds_hubs and Happy Anniversary to you….. to US.

Happy anniversary to u too!

Dear buds,

Glad all’s well with hubs and family.

Am sure gonna pick up this book too..wonder if it’s available in the local bookshops?

bagabunnyWed, 18/09/2013 7:58pm

Heartwarming and beautifully written

Thank you buds, for this beautifully written post. For sharing with us Dr Lemann’s book. The excerpts gave me new insights to the male psyche (and I shall strive to nag less and let reality be the teacher). Think this wld work for our children too.