You know you need to slap on some blusher or something when your kid comes in and asks if you are going to die today.

So when you last saw your narrator she was cursing other bloggers and having a great ol’ time with the hiccups or someshit.

Good times.

And then she started feeling a little off but was all… meh… but took to Instagram to whine a little because that is what good bloggers do and also brag about how her husband served her soup in bed.

(cause if you tell the world, head pats ensue and he is likely to do it again. Strategy.)

But also, your narrator had managed to slap on her iron clad big girl panties and FINALLY make a dentist appointment because OMG ABOUT FUCKING TIME KELLEY and no little feeling meh was going to put that shit off now.

I am such a fucking idiot.

Well fast forward a week and here we are. I had a tooth removed that required them to call in a surgeon because it was that fucking horrendous and then do stitches which are still hanging in my mouth, and a filling on the other side. I had four hundred million needles including one on the roof of my mouth. Ended up with some sort of weird arsed fucking rare complication where you get a throat infection from the bacteria from the broken tooth, oral thrush, THE MOTHERFUCKING FLU (get the flu shots kids… jesus, they were free at my work but I was sick on the day mine was scheduled. Fucking typical), massive doses of antibiotics and even though I am taking all of the probiotics in the known universe my lady garden has burned down.

And I haven’t been able to talk for nearly a week. Or eat. Or watch any of All The Housewives Of All The Places because I can barely concentrate on keeping conscious.

On Saturday night, MPS was off Doof Doofing and Boo was the man of the house so he crawled into bed next to me. All 6ft billion of him felt so tiny as he kissed me gently on the cheek for the first time ever without bribery and he whispered worriedly ‘I don’t want anything to happen to you’

My heart.

And then, periodically as I come up for air after a coughing fit I will get a text message from him ‘You OK?’ He is so worried, I have never spent nearly a week in bed before and I sure as shit have never spent this long without slapping on a full face of makeup.

Boy! You’ve had a road train’s load of bad since I was here last! I truly hope you start feeling better real soon, at least better enough to reassure Boo. He’s so sweet to cuddle up in bed with you. Ouch on the dentist, needles in the mouth are more painful than any other.

Oh no – I have tears at Boo so concerned about you. I hope that it won’t be long until you feel at least a little bit better. You must’ve really annoyed the shit out of someone in a previous life and now they are feeling the need to retaliate – tell them to go and shoot themselves – you are worth so much more than you are dealing with.
Lots of hugs xox

I’ve had such a monster year trying to keep a breakdown behind me and not in front that I made a list of all things I needed to get done except the specialist who might shove sharp things up my nose and a telescope to look in my sinus space. I pick up shiny new glasses tomorrow. Podiatrist next then dentist then maybe the doc but only when I get enough courage to stand on the scales so I can truthfully say the weight out loud. But you take the Olympic Gold for combined gruesome ghastlies in a single body in one week.

I always manage to get a whole lotta shit at once… I guess it is a matter of getting it over with in one hit (remember when I went and blew up an ovary and my appendix at the same time?) or I am just an attention seeker.

SHIT! all that cos of the dentist? SHIT. I finally sucked it up this week and made the appointment….not the usual girl who knows and loves, or at least puts up with my crying washing of the face. She wanted all manner of info which I couldn’t give her, and she finally gave up when I said Gavin is used to me, I cry and he gets on with it, I don’t know how long that takes.

did you get what you needed done? This dentist was lovely and kind and caring, it is just the tooth was a fucker and didn’t want to leave my nice warm head.

Over a week later and my face is still throbbing and I have stitches hanging outta my gum and finding it hard to chew. *sigh* but it will be over soon… and I don’t ever have to have it removed again! HUZZAH!

New glasses but OPSM shiny big lights in huge mirrors and I am OLD even the reading glasses made my hands and nails look 105.
Standing on scales, medium misery but I’ve only put on 4 kgs not the 20 kgs I thought I had through living on ice-cream and pizza which is the only way I can maintain sanity.