Right around the time when the first bacon-based lubricrants hit the market, the pigs began to go sterile. They’d simply ingested too much trash. And not long after that, the same thing happened to us. Greasing ourselves with bacon-lube as we tried to procreate didn’t help.

You see, evolutionarily speaking, everything is about sex. For human society to continue, we have to mate. So why dance around it with Halloween costumes like 'huge boner' and 'short M&M dress with snarling candyboobs'? Just strap a plug around your waist and put your date in an electrical-socket sack!