Born in Sài Gòn, Việt Nam in 1970, now living in the US as a claimed and renamed TRA

Ranting VAD on “Angry KADs”

Ugh, I really need to fix that acronym…how about AVOID, Adopted Vietnamese of Inexplicit Disposition?

Kevin put up an interesting post about the presumption of white men that upon visiting a country and learning a few tidbits, they automatically become experts. They claim they are the inside authority on an entire country and its people and thus assume they are entitled to speak about and for a people. Of course, I had to post a rant comment. He asked me about strategies.

“I don’t have one,” I replied, “but…” I’m being such a dork by quoting myself, but it saves me time. I summed it all up by saying, “What else can be done? People will hear what they want, listen to whom they choose. At least there is a choice when everyone speaks.” That is pretty much the premise I follow in general.

As previously mentioned, I’ve been reluctant to speak about the KADs and the adoption ban because I felt it wasn’t my fight. I’m kind of the outsider here, not because the KADs I know make me feel that way, but because I’m not a KAD. I know next to nothing about Korea. It didn’t make much sense for me to go running off my mouth about something I knew so little about. Plus, I didn’t think I owed it to anyone to explain myself. I try to make my “stance” clear to those I think matter and leave it at that. Not that my opinion means much, but oh well, it makes things less complicated when the people closest to you know where you stand.

Blogging can become a trap between what you want to blog and what you need to blog. You blog something you want, then need to blog again to clarify so you’re not misunderstood. A person can become distracted from the real reasons they started blogging in the first place. If I explain, I’m trapping myself in a corner but if I don’t, people will assume. I’ll get shoved into the wrong corner. Corners suck. So screw it, here goes.

Aside from the underhanded play on KAD vs KAD, one of the things that I hate is this whole Angry KAD business. It’s an old strategy. Pit two sides against one another and while they’re busy bickering, make your move. In the end, both sides lose in one way or another which is sad.

What I see among the KADs who are fighting for this ban is a shared love and concern for Korea, its people and it’s future. Some people talk as if the KADs who support the ban are doing nothing more than projecting anger from their own adoption experience. That makes no sense whatsoever. People have even gone so far as to suggest they prefer poverty for a child over adoption. I have not heard ONE KAD say they wanted an orphan to stay in poverty or not have a family. When I read insinuations leading people to arrive to that conclusion, I get seriously pissed off. Who even thinks like that? Besides, what is it with this assumption that it’s either intercountry adoption or poverty?

From what I can see, they seem to be thinking of adoption and its ramifications from a long-term, socio-economic perspective. Cool, no band-aides. Personally, I think it’s a testament to their humanity that they care enough about Korea to want to change things for the better. Most of the KADs I know, are intelligent, out-of-the-box thinkers who should be heard instead of being dismissed and vilified.

All that being said, I think that many of the KADs who support the ban and those who don’t share one thing in common, their love for Korea and it’s people. I imagine if (some) adoption agencies and others (*cough who do have obvious agendas) kept their noses out of it, the KADs would come to a workable compromise on their own.

Call me idealistic but what I think people forget is that many of the KADs have rightfully re-claimed Korea as their own. This whole thing is about Korea and its people of which the Korean adoptees are a part. It’s theirs, pure and simple. (Some) AP’s and adoption agencies are always talking about how love, love, love is enough. Is their love for Korea not enough?

Please, mind your own business and I’ll go back to minding mine.

All that said, keep in mind that I don’t claim to know shit. It’s just my opinion. I speak for no one but myself. Do I really need to keep saying that?

10 Responses

I think not so much of you & other AVOIDs (haha) or (fill in the blank) adoptees as outsiders on this issues, but more as potential allies. It’s part of a broader tactic to pit “happy adoptees” against “angry adoptees” and polarize us on issues that would better benefit from a more unified front — in this case, it’s just been made more specific in due to the issue of potential legislation to help Korea take care of itself. Thanks for showing your true colors here — that you can see through the hype.

You’ve hit on why I do my utmost to avoid commenting on yours, and others’, adoption related posts, as opposed to the posts upon which I can share what I think are commonalities or my (probably not very worthwhile) insights.

It’s another person’s experience, in all their complexities, and who better to elaborate than that person?

I have, however, been moved to voice my pathetic little voice of support when people become truly ridiculous or when their own close-mindedness makes me forget my little promise to myself (this I know nothing about, so I should just stay quiet and learn!)

It’s part of an ‘other’ dichotomy. We only want to (mis)understand in simple either/or terms. Angry/happy; Poverty/adoption; Expertise/ignorance. Not halfway points, intricacies, complexities – the joy of texture and ripples in a blanket rather plain smooth nothingness.

Ji-in, meh divide and conquer? Too obvious. I don’t do well with absolutes anyway, really I don’t.

Oanh, I completely understand. And no, your insights are very much appreciated. We aren’t all that different, at least I don’t think so when it comes to many of our experiences. We’ve talked about that “other”, “them and us” thing before. I’ve resigned myself that it’s just a part of the human mindset.

Sume, from KAD to VAD, I’m sorry that it’s taken me this long to comment on your blog. I am de-lurking officially now. And I didn’t know that you knew Kevin online! He is an awesome writer and one of the first VADs that I met…..

Heh, I’m one to talk. I’ve been lurking, too. Your last post blew me away. I found Kevin via Indigo Willing’s site, googled him up and was impressed by his writing. Viet adoptee bloggers are so rare, I was like, “I found one! I found one! Whoohoo!”

You’re welcome to rant on my shoulder anytime, too! Welcome to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Rants! Ohh, must use that one!

D, no big deal. I knew it was your phrasing and that’s why I said I should have commented about it on your blog. Bit of laziness on my part. As I said, I am conflicted to some degree but it’s just a small part of a much bigger picture. I wasn’t mad or anything, just wanted to make that clear.