Friday, August 29, 2008

Once again I wait forever before posting but it's been the first time in awhile that I've a moment to stop and breathe and think about life.

Lately a lot of people have been laid off at work (including one of my closest friends). Management claims we are doing well financially in the current economic downturn but none of us are really moronic enough to believe that. I'm not really worried about my own job anymore so its back to the "carefree fun and weird" attitude at work.

My entire family is now 3000 miles away and it breaks my heart that I'm not with them every time I think about it, which is fairly often. I know they are all far better off now that they are away from this hell-hole of a valley and I am so amazingly jealous for that.

Also recently I've been playing in a DnD 4th edition game. I haven't done a tabletop since starting high school and I've really forgotten how much fun it can be. It's really interesting how much the gameplay and rules have changed but it's been good to us so far. Our DM is levels of amazing that I've never encountered. I enjoy most of the people in the game and the rants I have about the others I don't enjoy as much are very entertaining (or so I'm told).

My relationship? Downswing..again. I know I know... I keep putting up with all the bullshite that I really shouldn't but I..hells if I know. Once again in the mood where I frequently imagine just packing all my shit and driving east...fuck all else. Meh.

I do have a new love in my life though. This little guy is just awesome and really brightens my life everytime I see him.

His name is Loki and he's a nearly 3month old pitbull mix. He's adorable and I love him to pieces.. even though he's in the teething stage of life and tries to eat me alive. >_>

Alright... I'm off for boozing it up so I don't have to be home alone.

Friday, August 22, 2008

I'm here in Panera down Stratford with some friends. They're talking about some product they want to make and sell.

It's this weird tea that Paco made with a bunch of different herbs. I've tried it, but it didn't do anything for me, so I can leave it behind. Apparently it's supposed to help you with Astral Projection in your sleep. -shrugs-

I'm enjoying my Frozen Mocha and just listening to the "muzak" and missing Kelly. The first day of classes is next week, and I need to go get books and make sure I know where my classes are.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Yes, I know, the title is grammatically incorrect. I said "Daze" instead of "Days" intentionally. It's funnier that way. Ha. Ha ha. Ha.

What is NOT funny, however, is that I am returning to school Sunday, yet moving in Monday, to begin what will be my final year at school. Hooray. Good stuff. At least I get to spend a few months mostly away from my family. Big Hooray.

I'll be far away from Kelly, though, so that's a huge bummer. We'll keep chatting and emailing and whatnot, but it's just not the same. We'll figure it out, though.

Oh well, here's to a new year, a new beginning, and hopefully lots of fun.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I always wonder what other people are thinking about. I don't mean in a "what are you thinking right this moment" kind of way, but, what thoughts are most recurring for them? What's that one thing you seem to dwell on incessantly? For me, it's actually about religion.

I'm still relatively new to the whole atheism game, but I seem to be constantly dwelling on religion(s), religious themes, and I always catch myself looking around for those little religious nuances in everyday life that people use to express themselves in public. I find myself seeing so many 'jesus fish' around where I live, and without fail, my first thought is "Why? Why a fish with a crucifix for eyes?" Also without fail comes my second thought, "Is that thing magnetic, or screwed into the car?"

When not pointing out to myself the obvious fact that the South is religious, always has been religious, and always will be religious, I'm engaging in my favorite pass-time activity, creating scenarios. I wonder if I'd be where I am right now if I had grown up under a more religiously-inclined family, or if I'd grown up Catholic instead of Episcopal. What if my dad had convinced my mom to be Baptist rather than her turning him into an Episcopal? What if I had further pursued my interest in Buddhism and other eastern religions? I wonder if my life choices so far are going to make me ultimately a "bad person" because I have no religion, or if that stigma is just that - a label someone wants to impose on me because they are afraid of dealing with people who do not agree with them 100% on the ultimate authority of the literal truth of the Bible.

Dwelling on the religious is not exactly something I was planning on doing when I decided to, well, abandon religion. I hope it's just one of those phases every new-comer atheist goes through, and I'll be able to do more productive things with my time soon.

HOWEVER, when not being all involved in religion, I just latch onto the most profound thing that affects me. Even if the most startling revelation for the day is that I may never be able to taste the difference between a lemon and a lime, that will be THE main thing I think on all day. I hate being that kind of obsessive.

What I hate even more is when I'm stuck being so obsessive over learning about the actions of some of my friends, and how I begin to wonder if my opinions should change about them, or if I should accept their actions as part of their nature, and continue on as if nothing major has really happened. I mean, the current dwelling hasn't even done anything to me, personally, but her actions bother me. I can't say that I was angry at hearing what she had to say, but I was definitely disappointed by her decisions. However, I have almost no involvement in her life aside from our conversations, but I consider her a friend nonetheless, and it bothered me. I tried to shrug it off and go "well, it's none of my business. It's not part of my life, and I have nothing to do with it." I mean...I used to have feelings for her, and it was only recently when I thought I was finally through with those feelings. This just kinda tugged at them for me, and I don't really enjoy saying that. I have someone in my life now, and she's the most important thing that's ever happened to me, so I shouldn't be feeling the way I am now.

-sighs-

Each day seems to be a different obsession. It's like a "quote of the day" thing; where some people will use that quote to inspire them for the day, my obsessions determine how I'll be for the day. Sometimes it doesn't affect my mood, but some days I want to just hide in my room because I'll most likely lash out at any living being that comes anywhere near me.

I dunno...I guess I'll just deal with things as they come, and keep on keepin' on like I have been. I'm listening to XTC right now, and it's making me happy. Easily one of my all-time favorite bands.

It's now time I bring this little rant to a close. I shall now borrow Pat Condell's closing style with my own thingy:

Peace - because we all need to find it in our own way, rather than having an obscure dogma tell us what they want it to be.