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You have an account at fanfiction.net? I do too, but mostly Beyblade fics and Yami No Matsuei fic, when I was young and innocent then, LOL. anyway, I think this is interesting. Who is the disfigured man? >

Not yet I am gonna make a account when I am half done with this. Thank you for saying this is interesting this is my first fan fic so it might be sloppy and probably will have bad grammar. Right all of my fan fic character have no name and the disfigured men is a new character I made.

I suppose this would be the second part of the story. I think I really did poorly on this part and I think many of the character I have failed to bring out their personality. Grammar will probably be crap, JagdPanther English is not my native language. Anyway so far this what I wrote, and please if you read this give some of your opinion thank you.

In plant at the space port Luna and Shin was standing there, while Shin was looking at his watch while Luna was looking around the place.
“He’s late isn’t he?” asked Luna
“I heard that shuttle was delayed so I guess it was expected” said Shin
Just then through the exit Athrun, Mu, Andy, and Ramius all came out, as they came out Shin start to wave at them then Athrun and other start to walk toward them.
“It’s been a while Shin and Luna you too” said Athrun
“Athrun-san it’s really good to see you again” said Shin.
After the greeting Shin, Athrun, and others began to walk toward to exit of the spaceport.
“How’s the Plant doing” asked Mu
“Plant is in little bit of shock after Lacus-sama died”said Luna “Many people cried during the funeral, I guess it was hard for most people to look at Lacus-sama dead especially Kira-san.”
“How is he?”asked Andy
“He is little depressed but don’t worry about Kira-san he is strong”said Shin “What about Orb, it must have been shocking to everyone that Cagalli-san died”
“It was, Cagalli was always there to protect Orb and people looked up to her and now she’s dead” said Ramius. “It’s really hard on the people on Orb”
As Ramius stopped talking they arrived at a parking lot, and all of them began to get into the ZAFT military van and then Shin started the engine and he drove the car out of the parking lot and into the highway.
“So why are you guys here?”asked Shin
“Hmm I would like to say on official government business for Orb but we basically got kicked out from Orb” said Andy
“Why?”
“Orb will join with the Alliance and they need to get rid off me since I am a coordinator and my father was Patrick Zala” said Athrun “If I stay in the Orb’s government it will be hard for Orb to get trust from Alliance.”
Shin looked little angry after hearing what Athrun said.
“Don’t worry Shin I left Orb on my own will and most of the Orb’s politician won’t do anything that might harm the country.”
“ But why did Andy-san, Mu-san, and Ramius-san left Orb with Athurn-san, couldn’t you guys just stayed in Orb” said Luna “None of you guys are tie to Orb’s government”
“ True but we are close to Athrun -kun and I didn’t think that we could do much while staying with Orb” said Ramius. “ Besides that how are Meer and Iris?”
“ Iris is already fifteen she could take of herself and Meer is being take care of by Meyrin” said Luna ( note Meer is daughter of Kira and Lacus while Iris is adopted daughter of Kira and Lacus, she was one of the orphans that Lacus took care)
Few minute they arrived in Lacus’s house (one from Gundam Seed), as Athrun and other got out of the car another car arrived at the house. The person who came out was Yzak and Dearka, and when they got out they were surprised to see Athrun.
“Oi, Ahturn why are you doing here?” said Dearka..
“ Dearka , Yzak how are guys” said Athrun.
As they entered the house and everyone sat at the living room expect Luna who was told to go and get Kira. As they sat down Athrun told Dearka and Yzak why he was here.
“ So why are you guys here?”asked Ahtrun.
“ We were here to see Kira to tell him what happened at meeting with the council” said Dearka.
“So how did it go?” asked Athurn.
“ Terrible, it seems that council will send an ultimatum to the country where Chairman was killed, they think it was the Alliance who was behind assassination on Chairman.” said Yzak. “ If the council do this war will erupted soon.”
“ Why would the council start another war?” asked Shin.
“Simple, the council wants to get rid off threat from Alliance once for all” said Andy
“ Even so don‘t they remember what happened in the last war” said Shin angrily.
“Without Lacus council can’t trust Alliance, people that are part of Alliance country trusted Plant only because of Lacus, without her how can they trust Plant who have try used weapon like Genesis twice.” said Mu “ none of the side trust each other without trust there will be a fear with fear there will be a hatred with that war is inevitable”
Just then Kira and Luna walked toward to the room.
“ Athrun it‘s been a while” said Kira “ It’s good to see all of you again Waltfied-sand, Mu-san, and Ramius-san”
“Kira” said Ahtrun
“ Yzak how was the meeting?” asked Kira.
“ Just as it was expected, I think the council might send a ultimatum soon” said Yzak. “ I don’t think we can do anything to convince them.”
“ Is that so” said Kira.
“ Well then I think Dearka and I should leave right now I wanted to talk to you for while but with civilian being here we should leave” said Yzak as he stood up. Then Dearka followed Yzak.
Dearka then quietly said to Athrun “That’s just his way of saying you and Kira should catch up”
“Dearka what are you doing?” Yzak yelled.
“ I guess I will see all of you later” said Dearka “ Bye” as he left the house.
“ Can you all leave me and Athrun alone for while” said Kira.
“ Sure” said Andy, then everyone stood up and left, then Kira sat down.
“ Kira you ok?” Athurn asked
“ I am doing fine, you must be little sad after death of Cagalli” said Kira.
“yeah, but we have to be strong even without them we have to try out best to stop the war on our own.” said Athurn.
“ I know but I don’t know for sure we could do it on our own but still we have to try it”
“Kira it’s ok to cry when you are sad you don’t always have to try to look strong.
“No I can’t cry even though Lacus died I can’t look weak in front if Iris and Meer”
“How’s Iris she must be really sad”
“She is fine even though she is not Lacus’s real daughter she is strong like her mom”
“After the end of the last war I really hoped that we would be able to bring a peaceful time without war for future generation”
“ We could still try Athurn and if we fail we will try again and again”
“Kira…”
Next day in the morning as Kira woke up from a sound of knocking on the on the door.
“ Kira wake up” yelled Mu.
Kira got up quickly and opened the door.
“ What’s wrong Mu-san?”asked Kira.
“ On the T.V the council is sending an ultimatum to Alliance”
Kira and Mu ran downstairs to the living room there was Athrun and other watching the T.V where council was giving out message.
“ …if the Alliance does not respond to this demand in two days we will be force declare all out war on the Alliance”
“ Those idiots didn’t they learned anything from last war” said Shin angrily as he punched the wall.
“Shin…” said Luna looking worried.
Few hours later the Alliance responded to this and declared all out war on Plant, another war between Alliance and Plant have started.

This would be the climax of the story, I really didn't put lot of detail in the battle and I think I rushed the story. Oh and I put some parody to Fukuda's previous work try to find some of them. And please give any opinion. Oh and the men with deformed face will be called Lee, and the one called perfect soldier will be called Iblis Naraka. And Ohga is a Alliance's new ship which belongs in Icarus class, and I drew a picture but I still didn't finished it and if you read the last part do you think I over did it?

In an abandon building there was a boy and a girl hiding outside there was a bombing and gunfire everywhere.
“Iblis, how long do we have live this?”asked an girl.
“I don’t know but don’t worry I will protect you” said Iblis as he hugged her.
Just then a there was a loud noise the building collapsed.
In Alaska at Alliance base, Iblis was awaken by the knocking on the door. A men with deformed face entered.
“Hey Lee”said Iblis.
“Let’s go Iblis I heard that Ohga and Omega are almost finished”
“Alright then let’s go” said Iblis as he stood up.
Two of them reached on to the hangar where Ohga was stored, as they entered they were greeted by a men.
“Commander Lee and Iblis how are you?”aske the men.
“Good, thank you caption Ushakov” said Lee. “Now I heard that Ohga was almost done”
“Yes, sir it should be operational by tomorrow”
“ Good, what about Omega.”
“It’s finished but they need to make a final adjustment on the os”
“Exellent we should be finished in preparation to strike the lunar base in three days yes?”
“ Of course also the new mass produced ms Asurada are here”
“I heard that it is suppose to surpass ZAFT’s Zaku II”
“It will, still the one thing that I am most impressive about is Ohga”
“What about it?”
“ I heard that it has potential to beat five Minerva class ship at one”
“Where is Omega?” asked Iblis.
“Inside the Ohga” asked Ushakov.
“Let me go and take a look at it”
Iblis walked to the Ohga hangar where he saw a mobile suits.
“Do you like it Iblis?” asked Lee.
“It looks pretty good.”
“With this mobile suit you should be able to kill Kira Yamato easily, oh and when you kill him take a good video of it”
“Sure”
Three days later Ohga left Alaska and attacked Lunar base with other Alliance ship, the battle ended in less then a 6 hour and Ohga was able to defeat three Minerva class without a single scratch.

With the unexpected defeat at Lunar base the ZAFT did not had enough time to fully prepare their defense. The day after the Lunar base fell Alliance was using this chance to attack PLANT. As Alliance neared PLANT, ZAFT troop began to launch their mobile suits.
“Shin, Luna, and Dearka our mission is to attack the enemies flag ship” said Yzak.
“Yes, sir” said all of them.
Later Eternal with Ramius as the caption launched from the hangar, as it neared the battle field Freedom and Justice with METEOR launched, then Mu and Andy in ZAKU II launched. After they launched they began to sweep the battlefield with their overwhelming power.
In Ohga Omega was about to launch.
“ Iblis, you know your mission right”
“ Yeah”
With that Omega launched.
Luna in Impulse reached the Ohga and began to shoot at it but the beam bounced off.
“ Beam coating!” said Lun surprised.
“If it has beam coating use missile to attack” commanded Yzak. With that many of the ZAKU II used missile on Ohga however Ohga used beam shield dragoon to block them.
“ This is why Ohga is invincible beam attacking will not damage it and there are over 500 dragoons that is equipped with beam shield so no attack will penetrate it this is why Ohga is invincible” said Lee to himself..
Just then Freedom, Justice, and ZAKU piloted by Mu and Andy arrived near Ohga.
“ Kira, Athrun use all of your weapon to penetrate them” said Yzak.
“Ok” said both. With that Kira and Athrun fired all of their weapon (think the stupid spamming scene from GS/GSD)
But as they did that a wall of dragoon appeared and used it’s beam shield to block all the attack with that everyone was in shock. Just then a mobile suit came out of the Ohga and shot a beam at freedom but Freedom dodged but it hit METEOR and then two more shot came disabling the METEOR. Freedom then separated it self from METEOR.
“Kira, are you ok” said Athurn.
“Yeah I am ok, Athurn go and help them take down that ship” said Kira.
“Sure” said Athrun looking little worried as he left.
Just then the mobile that attacked Kira charged in with it’s beam saber Kira blocked it with it’s beam saber.
“ Heh not bad. so you are pilot of Strike Freedom, Kira Yamato” said Iblis. “I got nothing against you personally but I got to kill you”
Then Omega kicked Freedom, as it was kicked off Omega took out it’s rifle and shot at Freedom but freedom dodged it. After Omega charge toward Freedom as it was chagrining in there was a beam began shot at Omega it was Andy and Mu attacking Omega.
“ Damn that is annoying” said Iblis then Omega turned around and shot at Mu and Andy both hit the cockpit and ZAKU II was destroyed.
“ Andy -san, Mu-san!” yelled Kira.
With that Kira activated Seed mode, then he launched all of his dragoon at fired at Omega. Omega dodged them all, but Kira charged at with beam saber and slashed Omega’s arm. However as Freedom slashed him, Omega kicked him. Then he began to shoot down the dragoon one by one.
“This is sad, aren’t you suppose to be the ultimate coordinator” said Iblis “You are pathetic, it is really easy to beat you, all you do is aim to disable me.”
“Who are you?”
“You don’t need to know anyway Kira let me just go and kill you right now”
Then he charge at Kira again, Kira fired his beam but Omega dodged them but one of them hit Omega’s leg. Then Omega slashed off Freedom’s both arm and he shot vulcan at the beam cannon in the chest. Now all of Kira’s weapon were disabled.
“Sorry Kira Yamato like I said I got nothing against you personally but I am order to kill you”
As he said that he took Omega’s hand and he stabbed Freedoms’ cockpit, over, over and over. Each time Omega’s hand was covered with Kira’s blood, finally he took out Kira from the cockpit. Kira now lost his right arm and left leg and his body was covered in blood.
“Kira Yamato it’s over” as he squeezed Kira’s body then Kira was dead.
In other side of the battlefield Eternal came closer and closer, in Ohga Lee began to notice that.
“Caption tell them to get ready fire the main cannon” said Lee.
“But we should wait for more enemy to gather in one side”
“It’s ok we just need to sunk Eternal, caption now” said Lee in commanding voice.
“Yes, sir” Said Caption.
As Eternal came to firing range, Ohga fired it’s main cannon. A bright beam came from main cannon and it hit Eternal right away Eternal sank with Ramius dead.
Then Lee began to laugh.
“Ha Ha Ha, this is great we were able to kill Lacus, sink Eternal, and defeat Freedom.” said Lee. “With this we won the war, caption tell them to retreat we already lost this battle”
Ohga send out flare and in these two battle ZAFT suffered major blow and the war seems to be in favor of Alliance, it seems that Alliance‘s power has returned like a phoenix. .

-My report starts here-I, Dr. Martha Hoenheim, am researching about a mysterious phenomenon that may define the reason for evolution. This phenomenon is the defining trait of a human being that no matter how herculean the obstacles are, the human being still pushes through.
Even Though I’d like to think about it as a dream, I wish that someday I’ll prove to that doubter who laughed at my hypothesis how wrong he was! That guy told me that no matter how much people could dream, they will always get crushed by fate. I would like to put an end to that thinking .With a breakthrough; I could assure people that free will is in control.
So then, I would travel to Jachin Due to take some corpses to study when I saw something really remarkable. “A living “corpse”? How could this be?” I shrugged. And as I saw this girl’s body floating like it was not dead, I felt something strange; it seems like something that’s not conceivable by the normal human brain is protecting the young lady.
We recovered the body from its icy bedroom. We also gave her some medication to help her and the baby’s condition become stable. While doing so, we see her brain generating unknown radio impulses. We also tried to know more about the patient. We tried to look her up our files and we found a match, this girl’s name is Fllay Allster. She’s currently listed as killed in action during the final battle of Jachin Due. She was part of the Archangel Class- Dominion’s crew.
After 26 hours, the girl finally regained consciousness. She kept on mentioning about a certain “Kira”. Though it would be a stroke of luck, that Kira may be my godson. She often would call out his name, crying and it also looks like she’s begging him to come back. I had to calm her down. So I explained to her what happened and she began to pacify herself.

Maybe I should post some of my stuff here to see what people think, but this board is so dead that I doubt it'll make any difference.

Anyway...

Hyperlion:

I'm kinda confused. This is just a teaser of the whole story, right? I know it's a stupid question.

Also, it seems like this might tick off a lot of people. You're killing off virtually every major character. And, if there is one thing I have learned in making fics, Original Characters are basically a no-no because people won't read your stuff then. Especially if an OC is the main character. That basically prevents me from ever writing again. My first major novel-length fic was an OC fic and it did well, but in a limited fan-base. Other fics I wrote with OCs in other realms were met with total hate. So I've had to stick to regular fics, and I don't like that, so I've stopped writing...

__________________

A good plan violently executed today is better than a perfect plan executed at some indefinite point in the future. –General George S. Patton, Jr.

Maybe I should post some of my stuff here to see what people think, but this board is so dead that I doubt it'll make any difference.

Anyway...

Hyperlion:

I'm kinda confused. This is just a teaser of the whole story, right? I know it's a stupid question.

Also, it seems like this might tick off a lot of people. You're killing off virtually every major character. And, if there is one thing I have learned in making fics, Original Characters are basically a no-no because people won't read your stuff then. Especially if an OC is the main character. That basically prevents me from ever writing again. My first major novel-length fic was an OC fic and it did well, but in a limited fan-base. Other fics I wrote with OCs in other realms were met with total hate. So I've had to stick to regular fics, and I don't like that, so I've stopped writing...

It probably is confusing since I am a bad writer and well this is kind of draft so it will be confusing. I know I am killing lot of main characters (maybe I should not kill Mu, Andy, and Ramius), but I need to kill Lacus and Cagalli because their death is the reason why war starts. Well for killing off Kira, I am not really a CE fan so I felt like killing Kira. If I don't write Original character as the main character it would be really boring to write, I don't want another story where Jesus Yamato come and own everyone. And JagdPanther you should ignore those people who hates your fan fic you should just write what you want to write.

It probably is confusing since I am a bad writer and well this is kind of draft so it will be confusing. I know I am killing lot of main characters (maybe I should not kill Mu, Andy, and Ramius), but I need to kill Lacus and Cagalli because their death is the reason why war starts.

Yeah, Mu, Andy, and Murrue are rather liked so that's probably a good idea to keep them alive.

And I don't disagree with the Cagalli/Lacus one since, as you say, removing their deaths ruins the story.

Quote:

Well for killing off Kira, I am not really a CE fan so I felt like killing Kira. If I don't write Original character as the main character it would be really boring to write, I don't want another story where Jesus Yamato come and own everyone.

Yeah, not gonna disagree with it.

Quote:

And JagdPanther you should ignore those people who hates your fan fic you should just write what you want to write.

Well, I've had people tell me that before. But really, I don't understand the point of writing fanfics if theyr're just going to be met with distaste from the fanbase. I mean, yeah, sure, the mantra is that you "write for yourself," but why bother writing something that only I'm going to like when all I have to do is keep the story in my head? Prolly more interesting that way because I can change things on the fly and it saves me days and days worth of writing (and I mean days by actual time consumption; it took me a year to write my You're Under Arrest! fanfic-novel. lol).

__________________

A good plan violently executed today is better than a perfect plan executed at some indefinite point in the future. –General George S. Patton, Jr.

After a month, we would check up on her baby’s condition. It looks like she will deliver her prematurely. We had to incubate the baby and ask the new mother to wait for the baby and I asked her for the name she’s going to give the newborn child.
Almost three months have passed since her reawakening. She seems to have recovered and is living with me as an assistant. Her daughter is also a breath of fresh air, gone are the days where I felt alone in this laboratory.
Fllay always improved at something with each passing day. She always said that she needs to prepare for her reunion with Kira. We lived a quiet life that is... until we got an inspection from the Chairman himself.

The Chairman offered Fllay a hope of seeing Kira again. But Fllay said these words...
“Don’t offer me something that I already have.”
I was easily surprised by what she said, and if that wasn’t enough, the next statement she uttered made Gilbert even more afraid.
“It is my life and it is theirs, you don’t have thing to do with it! The fate you talk about is an insult to other people!”
“But it is for the sake of Coordinators and Naturals. With this, we can finally achieve total tranquillity.”
“Coordinators, Naturals? Are you dumb? They’re called Human beings if I remember correctly.”
“Don’t try me Ms. Allster, Do you want your dear Kira to be killed!?”
“I could rest assure you’re not as smart as her. In fact she already knew this would happen, she’s just a slacker who sleeps.”
She was really brave during that time. Three days after, we would be visited by the chairman again...
“I can now see that you are an important part of humanity’s’ evolution. Now can you tell me what her weakness is?”
“Why are you asking this? Her weakness is the same as yours...”

I agree with hyperlion here. A fanfic is one way into which you could actually create a story based on the perceptions of OCs or characters from already established stories and twist them so that you could come up with another version of the story which is not a carbon copy of the story where that was based from. The point here is trying to improve your craft; basically people who do not like fanfics in general is because of the fact that they deviate very much from the old story; but if that is the way the author intended the story to end up as, then who are those who would read it have the right to judge it that way? Also, it does not help that most of the people who read fanfics are people who support a couple and do not like what other authors do to their couple or favorite character and end up sending them hate mail. If they do not like the pairing the fanfic author wants to support, then they could just simply leave them and read another story that would satisfy their support for that character or couple. But for people who need to hone their craft and find out why a lot of people love this author than his own work, then reading other fics you do not necessarily like is essential. Sharing fanfics is also a way to say to the world that you're actually proud that those stuff came from imagining things as they should happen in your point of view; it's the readers' problem if they do not like it or like it.

Hey guys im working on a new fan fiction, my friends say its really good and has super potential but I dunno, i want you guys to read it. Its still in the works but ill post what I have done so far 1 chapter a week. Ill provide a link but for the time being I cant because Im a new user at fan fiction I cant make a forum yet and I dont think I can paste the entire chapter into this dialog box, anyway heres a teaser. This is the Prelude, it takes place where Char's Counterattack begins but as if the events of Char's counter attack never happen. New empire rises from space and the Titans return. Well here it is. Enjoy

Gundam United Resistance

Prelude

Post-War Day 16 0092

Riots continue in Europia as Federation forces are unable to deliver food and medical supplies. The continent plagued by years of war is in a state of social collapse, with a dying earth federation, there is no sign of any hope for the people of earth as no help is available. Though years of peace have passed, no prosperity. The world appeared dying. No reconstruction and the nations still are on their knees. The Dominions of Zeon have forced out all Federation forces from North Africa, parts of southern Asia and the middle east. At the verge of near collapse, both sides sign the Vega Treaty granting Zeon forces government control over their occupied territories and the surrender of Zeon controlled colonies in the ESFS colonial expansion zone. The colonies orbiting earth have been declared demilitarized zones and are swarmed with thousands of refugees from nearby colonies crippled by war. Much of which are amidst internal strife as governing order seizes to exist. Unknown to any of them. The far reaches of space bear a different manner of activity. Mass production of advanced mobile suits, factories working around the clock. Machines noisily busy at work. Unheard from beyond. Within itself, a rising empire. Hidden by the fog of war. Years of which have granted this organization massive buildup. Preparation. No longer is there silence. No longer is there peace. Just over the horizon a new enemy rises to bring a new age of warfare. More catastrophic than anything mankind has ever seen. An old foe renewed. Its ominous presence would lie there, partially dormant. The growing war machine, standing by. Waiting...

The war between the federation and the Celestial Being/Kataron has begun. A resigned fighter has taken it upon himself to change the world once more. Rise gundam!

Main character: Vren (real name: Mark Schenlerg)
MS: Zero Gundam

Zero gundam specs+history:
The former O-gundam was scrapped for its original GN drive. However, there is more than the original drives. The S-GN drive type was the first prototype for the GN-drives for the other Meisters. The power of the S-GN is stronger than the other GN and completely surpasses/outclasses the GN tau. The drive was hidden away until it was discovered by Kataron

S-GN drive particles are blue.

O-Gundam (now renamed Zero gundam) was modified by Kataron and increased its armanents and capabilities. It's beam rifle shoots powerful particle shots, increased the beam sabers to 4, and improved mobility as well as the shield (which has a minature GN generator, making it a weaker GN field compared to Virtue/Seravee)

Pilot: Vren
Age: 21
Hair color: Dark blue

History: A decorated Flag fighter of the Union, he was caught up in the armed interventions and was a friend to Graham Acre. Although not as good as his friend, he was almost killed by the Thrones' attack.

He kindly declined the offer of being an GN-X pilot as he prefered the Flag. He resigned afterwards.

After 3 years, he had learned the atrocities of A-LAWs and joined up with Kataron. His piloting skills made him Kataron's ace pilot and later ending up piloting the Zero gundam.

These aren't mine (I've yet to start a Gundam fanfiction) but they're worth reading. These are all Gundam SEED/Destiny fics, but I think anyone who reads them can appreciate them:

Respect Between Enemies - By TheBetanWerecat. Takes place at The Descending Sword and progresses to the beginning of the two-year ceasefire. Mainly original characters with guest characters from the show, with its own separate plot helped along by the main plot.

Fallen Angel - By NoshMono. Main story takes place at Episode 23: The Shadows of War in Gundam SEED Destiny, and quickly and radically changes the plot, into something much, much better than Destiny. This is a KiraxFlay-centric story. You will be very much surprised at who lives and who dies in this fanfiction. This story has also been completed.

Soaring Above - By NoshMono, and sequel to Fallen Angel. Takes place between the end of Fallen Angel and its epilogue; will naturally have its own, completely original plot. This is a Shinn-centric story (I don't want to spoil who he's been paired up with). Kira will not steal the spotlight in this story, even though he does have a role in it.

I suppose I should mention my 00 Season 1 Drabble Anthology at FFN? Writen as the series was starting last year 30,000+ words, and I haven't even put up the final chapter yet. Second longest 00 fic out there, at the moment.