- Joe Bennett is a popular Christchurch columnist, printed twice daily in the city's Press newspaper. His fans (a set which incudes all people in Christchurch, and some of the uglier dogs as well) are known to buy three copies of every issue of the paper in which he appears, lest they read the first and second copies so many times that their eyes literally suck up all the ink off the page. This scientific implausibility is just one of the myriad subjects of which Bennett's readers remain gloriously ignorant because he has not told them about it yet. With a tone as superciliously condescending toward absolutely everything on the planet, surely he must know all about it and be fixing to write about it one of these days!