5 Ways To Stop Being A Bitchy Wife

Posts on The Art of Better sometimes contain affiliate links which means we may make a small commission when you click or purchase. Don’t worry, though, we only ever recommend products & services we love.

5 Ways to Stop Being a Bitchy Wife

Women, I think movies have ruined us. They have warped our sense of reality and realistic expectation. Every rom-com out there is chock-full of grand gestures, romantic fluff, and men that act more like girls. Most of the men in recent films aimed at women are gushing with emotions and are often show husbands or boyfriends that anticipate their woman’s every need.

When this expectation clashes with reality, we often get bitchy, nag-y or punitive without even realizing it. If your hubby has been a bit distant lately or seems a little less loving than he used to be, you might need to stop being a bitchy wife.

My disclaimer here is that this works, every time, if you have a good guy. If your husband is a generally decent human being, keep reading.

1. Gratitude – Men thrive on their wife’s encouragement and positive feedback. Tell him ‘thank you’ often. It doesn’t have to be big stuff, thank him for stopping to get butter on his way home from work… instead of thinking ‘God, it’s the least he can do, the store is on his way’.

Let him know you appreciate him watching your favorite movie with you, even though you know it’s not one he loves. Tell him thank you for carrying the bulk of the groceries into the house because you had to get your purse and your cup of coffee.

The more thankful you are, the more often he will rise to the occasion and give you the opportunity to say, “thank you.”

2. Smile – Smile when you’re on the phone with him. Not a crazy-lady smile but even a small curl of you lips effects your tone and way of speaking.

3. Touch – Touch him anytime you get the chance. I don’t want you to be dragging behind him as you cling to his legs here. Put your head on his shoulder or your hand on his thigh when watching Netflix on the couch. Rub his back when he is standing still and you’re walking past. Play with his hair as he’s on the phone. Put a little body language into passing each other in a tight space.

Simple, loving touch is the fastest way to become naturally less bitchy. It produces all kinds of warm, feel-good chemicals in the brain. Even if he doesn’t reciprocate right away, keep at it and he will eventually, without even thinking about it.

4. Remember – You married him for a reason, right? Remember why. Think about the qualities that led you to pick HIM. Make a list and, if you want to go the extra mile, text it to him while he’s at work. Look through old photos of you as a couple if you need inspiration.

You’re going to need to refer to this one later! Pin it!

5. Point out the good things – Most men show love in different ways than women. Don’t get pissy because he doesn’t get you flowers. Instead, tell him how much you liked the sweet way he interacted with the kids earlier. Tell him how impressed you are that he gets up early every Saturday morning to mow the lawn, regardless of how hard his week was.

“But nothing gets done if I’m not nagging him!” you say.

Not so. Do you really think that if you sat in his lap and asked him sweetly to do something, he would turn you down? Nope, not if you have implemented the five ideas above. If you are consistent in the five ways above to stop being a bitchy wife for just the next two weeks, you will feel a difference in your relationship.

Your husband will feel more inspired to do what needs to be done, be more engaged at home and maybe, just maybe, sweep you off your feet every once in a while. After all, isn’t that what we always wanted in a marriage?

Hey there, Shani! If you’d like to have an actual discussion at any point, feel free to reach out. :) You may well be missing something and don’t even realize it. I was through most of my teens and early 20s.

So many women on here complaining how they “DO” everything above… In some respects that may be true yet, as a man, I can truthfully say I am obtuse at times. My wife is a great woman and often does these things …. for a day maybe two, if I don’t meet HER expectations in my response it falls to the wayside. And in all fairness, she reciprocates the SAME way. We would get one the Crazy Cycle (Emmerson Eggerichs) always!! It was when we 1) became intentional to do an Act of Kindness (Shaunti Feldhahn) every day, and 2) literally changed our Attitudes and Expectations to see that often the action is noticed and accepted and that it MAY take a little time for the acknowledgement to come in the way of words or reciprocal actions. SO often we do a half-a*sed action with a half-a*sed attitude and expect a higher praise than the effort deserved. Im reminded in scripture of the spec in your mates eye whilst the log is in your own. Check YOUR attitude and expectations before throwing out the “He doesn’t….”

Hi Katie! Ha! Well, I think you just answered your own problem there. Plus, this was really aimed at those guys who are decent and started out good, even if they fall to the wayside sometimes. If you married someone who is a dirtbag, no amount of loving treatment will change that, unfortunately!

And what do you do if you do, do all these things and he still is cold and does not respond? After years of trying and hitting a brick wall you get tired. I ask do you like when I do ……….? And his answer is always a flat toned “ya”.

Hi there, Mrs M. If you can say you’ve been really putting the effort in on your end, non-stop and without fail, for awhile now and nothing’s changed, it could be an issue on his side. Was he like that before you married?

Great read and reminder.. I do agree with your opening statement.. movies have surely ruined us! At Jonesntokeepup.com I talk through praying for your husband on a daily basis to help him be a better him. Along with the points you make and prayer.. marriage will be more enjoyable for everyone. It surely take sincere effort.

Aw, CJ, thank you for reaffirming what a massive impact these simple things can have on our guys. My hope is always that there is possibility for change so hang in there. Maybe drop some subtle links on her (or your!) FB page?

It’s so “crazy” ~ this re-post caught my eye because I just this evening, gave my hubby a little hug ~ AND an unsolicited back rub (quick, just letting him know I care) shortly before I read these!
I can be extra b*tchy on a moment’s notice, but I DO really try to be sweet on more occasions than not … !!! Thanks for the reminders of what makes for a loving wife! I especially like the “smile on the phone” hint ~ my hubs is super sensitive to all my moods!
AND ~ wish I had seen this lots sooner!

I do all of these already. I have to admit, I do nag him once in a while when I’ve asked him to do something a hundred times and he is instead playing a video game. But then I laugh because, I love him no matter what he does. We all have our moments (I’m sure he has a list of things I do he doesn’t like) so we just have to appreciate each other.

From a guy’s perspective, this is a fantastic list! I agree with every point. We don’t need you to be a model, to be our servants, to sacrifice everything to please us. We just need the little things. Appreciation, affection, and gratitude will get you everywhere.

And like the article says, that turns us around and it becomes a circle of respect. I’m way more willing to do things for and with my wife is she provides for these needs instead of fighting against them. But we as guys need to provide what you need as well. We need to provide you with emotional intimacy, communicate with you, and assure you that you can depend on us (all of this goes both ways, across gender roles).

This totally applies to all marriages, too. Not just the straight ones. I have days where I have to remind myself some of this with my wife, but she appreciates it so much. Everybody thrives on positive encouragement and feedback. And everything else. Sometimes, we need these reminders, though.

Respect for sure is a must! Honor and respect are number one requires for men, show them that at the very least and you can’t go wrong. Also, never stop putting work into your marriage…even a great marriage where both people get along 95% of the time requires some amount of work! :-)

Great tips here! It’s so hard to not be bitchy when you’re overwhelmed and overworked, but remembering that you’re in this together is a great remedy. My hubby and I make sure to get out and get away alone a few times a year. It strengthens our relationship when we can have moments together without the stress and distractions of everyday life.

This is a great post. I can feel myself being an emotional wreck with my bf sometimes for more reason. I always apologize afterwards but I like these steps to try to stop bringing out the bitch inside of me! haha

Men want to feel needed and appreciated. :) As you said, decent guys respond to love, appreciation, frequent touch. I have to modify it a bit – my awesome guy has mild autism, so the touch bit needs to be limited. However, he certainly is more eager to make ME happy when I’m being pleasant and focused on HIS needs. A beautiful circle.

These are really good tips. I’m a bit menopausal at the moment so Hubby is really copping it. I’m going to take your advice and stop being a bitchy wife. I really love the smile when you’re on the phone tip especially.
:)

Oh goodness, you poor thing! All anyone can ask is you do your best, right? :) I learned the phone trick through years of dealing with unhappy customers in an old career and it really works wonders! Thanks for popping by.

I’m so glad you posted this! About an hour ago I was a bit upset with the guy I’m dating and I kept trying to remind myself that I need to take a step back and not point out his flaws as a rebuttal when he points out mine (he did so unintentionally and didn’t realize it right away). I’m not married, but I definitely needed these tips! They are AMAZING tips!