"Luigi is a man who lives in fear of constant Bowser attacks... I think his fears are misplaced." If anybody should be afraid in comedian Wyatt Cenac's weird version of the Mario universe, it's Princess Peach.

When introduced at E3 earlier this year and in the marketing materials that followed, Nintendo's little plastic figures looked fantastic, but some of the finer details seem to have been lost to the production process.

Nintendo might be the master of all things cute, but they've got their dark side as well. I mean, have you ever found yourself wondering mid-Smash Bros. match: "Why are you all so mad at each other? Wouldn't you rather be relaxing on a beach together somewhere...I dunno...safe?"

Daisy's been in almost 50 games with 85% playable appearances. That's way more appearances than the majority of playable characters in the Smash Bros. series, and 20% more playable appearances than even Peach. Contrary to the idea she's actually enough like Peach to have a clone move-set, Daisy has her own…

I've managed to resist picking up the Mario and Luigi themed Wii remotes thus far, but the addition of a Princess Peach motion controller at the end of the month has the game paraphernalia collector in me twitching. Dammit, Nintendo.

Is it really worth it, Mario? She keeps running away, you keep dying and spending your lives and you never get anything out of this except your own unrequited love. It's time to find someone else, man. Or just enjoy life and hang out with some Koopas. Let Bowser deal with that shit.

Nintendo released a new batch of screenshots for next year's Super Smash Bros., featuring Mario's damsel in distress, Peach—except here, she's the one opening a can of whoopass on everyone. Including Mario, of course.

Relationships flourish on trust, but if you had the opportunity to hide in plain sight and observe how your significant other behaves when you aren't around, would you take it? Zelda sure as hell would.

You've probably seen this before. The painting (above) isn't a copy. This is the real deal. This is "The M.K." that appeared at the very first I Am 8-Bit art show in 2005. It was painted by Jose Emroca Flores.