Friday, August 7, 2009

The Color Purple...a Conspiracy Theory?

Mr. Mulat, and I'm back in the spot, and I got what it takes to make the Blog hot...Yeaaaaaaaaa (Philadelphia Freeway Voice).

What's up people? That little intro was in honor of me starting a path towards growing a sick ass pseudo-Muslim, Freeway, Rick Ross beard. Why? Well, I don't know why. I guess it's just something to do. Anyways, as I'm sure you've all noticed, Mr. Mulatto has been absent for some time, off indulging in all things black and white, and unintentionally leaving a void of cross-cultural knowledge in the blogsphere. Have no fear...I'm back like a brassiere hook. Bitches.

Now....I know you are all used to Mr. Mulatto presenting his knowledge of Caucasian and African American (I hate that word, Imma just say Black) culture via my series entitled Mr. Mulatto's Lists. F**k that. I'm changing the game on this one and offering something more potently poignant. A conspiracy theory for that ass! Now I aint say shit when Truman and Eisenhower let those godawful housing acts demolish black peoples homes and create the Projects, and somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut about Regan (with the help of the Colombians and CIA) pumping crack into America to destroy the black communities, but this...this shit right here nicca (jay z voice)...this Purple Grape Coolatta shit is the last straw!!!!!

The Color Purple: A Conspiracy Theory

Check it out. The Coffee Coolatta was invented or at least introduced in the late 1990's. What this means is that Coolattas have been around for at least three different U.S. Presidents. DO you think it's a coincidence that these Mf'ers waited until we had a Black President to try and slip this "New Grape Coolatta" by us? Worse still, these corporate coons had the nerve to try and market / introduce GRAPE AND WATERMELON coolattas at the same time!!!

If that's not some in your face "we know what niggas like" type shit, then I don't know what is....don't worry, I wouldnt dare base an entire conspiracy theory on one instance of not so subtle racism. Come come now, this is the Nappyheaded satirical genius we're talking about...pardon the ego.

Have you ever wondered why black people became associated (at least in the eyes of white people) associated with Grape soda and the color purple? I mean seriously...we like orange, strawberry, pineapple and other types of niggerish C & C 50 cent soda flavors.

As a matter of fact, back in the antebellum south and in the Jim Crow era, black people were associated with the color red. As my Grandma would say, growin up they'd always say "Niggas like red." Sidenote: she refuses to wear the color to this day. This being said, why not leave it at red? Why not let us be associated with the same colors made infamous by the blackfaced era and sambo caricatures? I'll tell you why... Because red is a primary color, and blacks were viewed as second class citizens. Thats fuckin right. Bitches. On top of this, purple isn't the only secondary color...I mean damn...we couldn't get orange or green?We had to get the Crips colors mixed with the Bloods colors? They were just throwing in some extra unnecessary hate.

Now that we have established a starting point, lets talk about how this idea of purpleness came to be and is continuing to be reinforced in our brains by these oh so clever marketers.

Back in the 1970's one of the greatest guitarists of all time, Jimi Hendrix, had the world going nuts. Meanwhile, clever white people began thinking "what the fuck man? How is a black guy becoming one of the best electric guitar players ever!!? This is supposed to be the domain of the Elvis's and other Caucasian heroes. What should we do?" They knew exactly what to do...Purple-ize (aka niggerize) him. See below.

By 1985 the powers that be had established one thing. The official nigga color was purple and the official soda was grape (the official Kool-Aid Flavor, however, somehow managed to remain 'Red.' yes nigga, red is a flavor.) now it was time for them to reinforce this via the one mass media outlet which targeted our entire demographic...MOVIES.

White folks get shit like the hunt for Red October, Blue Crush, and the Green Mile...what the fuck do we get? The Color Purple. Booooo nigga, boooooooo (Comic View voice.) Good book, bad movie. On top of that, this, the one definitive movie about the black experience, had to have the one woman who managed to transition herself into a white woman in real life (Oprah) amongst a cast of other black people acting like educated slaves. America was being primed! Black people look like this, act like this, like purple, and deserve sympathy like little orphan dogs. LOL. Hey, I'm just calling it how I see it...Don't shoot the messenger.

For the next few years the 1980's continued and ironically, people continued to revel in their purpleness unsuspectingly. Elton John became a pop superstar and of course, the powers that be, refusing us to give us a gay pop star of our own ( they later repaid us with Kanye west in the 2000's), offered us a half-homo knock-off...Prince. As blacks were considered half-citizens, why give them a full gay pop star...why not a hybrid. Favorite color: Purple.

Aight, aight...we get it white people...you want us to like purple. Honestly though....did you really have to make sure our progeny (children) would like it too?

Couldn't just give us one that wasn't purple huh? Had to just throw on those purple shades? Bastards. Shout out to Denver the Last Dinosaur tho for attempting to break the mold.

And this nigga...the one character on Sesame Street, a show geared towards teaching children things, had to have the voice of a pimp, freeway beard, demeanor of a weed head...AND be PURPLE!!

Ok, Ok,Ok....Stop it...enough with your dooming our children into a lifetime of purpledom!!! At least the Thugs and Hip-hop heads will support me on this "Anti- purple movement", right....?