Being born in the wrong body: Young Tembisan tells her story

She said she couldn’t understand why she was assigned a gender different to her real sense of personal identity and what she felt mentally

11 hours ago

Asie Mvimbi flaunting the woman she always wanted to be.

On a daily basis members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) community have to live with the humiliation and scorn they are subjected to due to the lack of knowledge by the public.

Insults are regularly hurled at the LGBTIs who lead their lives openly without fear or favour and many become victims of community hatred.

A young transgender Tembisan woman, Asie Mvimbi (19), is a courageous activist who wants to dispel the myths and uphold the rights of the LGBTI community.

In an open interview with The Tembisan, Asie shared her personal battle of being born in the wrong body.

The Eastern Cape born Asie said she endured the pain of having to deal with the reality of being stuck in a man’s body as a woman.

“

She was born a male child in a small village called Qandu but she refused to identify or be raised as a boy.

Today she wants to teach parents whose children may be going through what she went through growing up in a rejecting family and a community humiliating people like her.

“As a boy growing up, I played with a lot of girls because in my mind I was a girl. Mentally I felt like a girl while physically it was the opposite.

“I remained confused as a child for as long as I can remember. I asked myself a lot of questions, especially when I had to take a bath,” said Asie.

She said she couldn’t understand why she was assigned a gender different to her real sense of personal identity and what she felt mentally.

“I preferred playing with dolls and didn’t play with toy cars. When my time came to go to school I was registered as a male pupil and expected to wear a male school uniform.

“I kept the company of girl learners and got mocked by boys. I was very shy and that was what got the teachers worried,” Asie explained.

She said she was forced by her peers to play with boys as it was expected of a boy child to play with other boys.

“I was told I was going to be soft if I played with girls. I tried to hang around boys but I would forget myself when I was excited and made feminine gestures.

“That created a lot of problems and boys started to gradually distance themselves. I became lonely due to staying aloof,” said Asie.

During her lonely moments she started to reflect on her life and wondered what was wrong with her. As she puts it, she wondered why she had to be ‘the thing’ the community hated so much.

She said at home it was not any different as she was expected to do boy chores.

“I grew up in a rural area where boys were expected to herd cattle. I was raised by my grandparents and when they wanted me to fetch the cattle from the veld, it would be a serious fight.

“My grandfather was always mad at me. He would say Ikwenkwe enjani engafuni ukuqoqa (what kind of a boy are you who doesn’t want to fetch cows),” explained Asie.

She said her grandparents eventually gave up on sending her to the veld.

“

“It was difficult for other people to understand but my mother could sense there was something different to me. Challenges carried on throughout my childhood.

“Some family members never got to accept it but some did come around the idea of me being a woman.

“I was always bought boy’s clothes and I would envy my female cousins when they got their new clothes during the festive season.

“After seeing my new male clothes I would lock myself in a room. I would burst into tears and came back pretending everything was okay. I rejected myself as a result,” Asie said.

As a young boy she did girls’ chores and kept her granny’s house clean to such an extent that her grandfather would mock her saying she was her granny’s Novusumuzi (first born daughter).

“He never accepted it and called my condition an evil spirit, but it never got to me. I developed a high self esteem, I was brave and able to take the heat.

“

“When I turned thirteen I started to accept who I was. I couldn’t fight myself or what I felt. Before that I blamed God and became suicidal.”

She said at 13 years old, she became assertive about being a woman. Her family stopped buying her clothes and she started to save for her own female clothes.

“Some community members pitied me and donated female clothes. Many were angry to see me in female clothes but they learned to tolerate it.”

At some point Xhosa boys are expected to go to initiation school and the subject was raised with her when she turned 15.

“I was told I was expected to go to initiation school. I got mad and refused. They threatened to take me there by force when my turn came and that whole cultural expectation made things worse.”

When Asie got to high school she tried to wear a female school uniform, which got her a stern warning from the principal not to “corrupt” the school.

Asie said when she got to Grade 12, her mind was open about transgender issues and she knew her rights as a transgender woman.

“In January 2016 I arrived in female school uniform. From a distance no one noticed who I was but as soon as I mingled with other learners in the assembly area, there was a quiet murmur of shock and surprise.

“

“The principal called me to her office and I was sent home because she didn’t like what I was doing. I was kicked out of the school and instructed to come back in a male school uniform but I did not.”

Instead, she sought the help of an organisation fighting for transgender rights which eventually helped her to attend school in a female school uniform.

“Everything was sorted out on the phone and the school allowed me to wear a girl’s uniform and learners started to be more accepting.

“That was when the journey to connect my body and mind began. I searched the internet to find solutions and I started self-medicating, which is a route I would not advise young people to take.

“They need to get professional help. From the treatment my body started to transform and became more feminine. I felt my body and mind starting to connect.

“Changes were visible and my body moulded into what I wanted it to be. I grew breasts and my entire body became feminine. My family was shocked and as time went by, I had to sit them down and explain the changes,” said Asie.

At the moment she is on hormone replacement therapy which gives her body the female hormone, estrogen.

“The right way to attain the transition is to go through a therapist where an evaluation is conducted before the process is undertaken. Thereafter one will be on the treatment for the rest of your life.

Asked about her life now as a courageous transgender woman, Asie says she is an activist, model and the beautiful woman she always wanted to be.

“

She is leading a normal life despite the fact that she still has enormous challenges emanating from her transgender status.

“As a transgender woman it is difficult and hard. There are dilemmas and stigmas. When I meet an interesting person, coming out is always difficult.”

After two weeks of dating, upon hearing I am a transgender woman, I get rejection. Men are running away because they don’t want to feel like they are gay.

“

“If you are dating a transgender woman you are not gay because what you see is a woman and you get attracted to that woman. You are not attracted to the same sex and that is not homosexuality.

“It’s transgenderism and the two concepts cannot be boxed into one. Our challenges are the same but our journey is different. We transform our bodies and gays don’t.”

Asie is not dating anyone at the moment because she wants to focus on building her modeling and TV presenting aspirations, but she won’t stop love when it comes her way.

“Parents must understand that we did not ask to be like this and they must not feel like it is their fault. It is nature taking its path and all their children need, is support.

“Protect and love them. To the LGBTI community, I want to say, stay strong and fight for what you believe in by striving for independence and success. Love yourselves and be proud.