Let's start the No Contact Challenge. This has personally helped me 2 years ago, and i have seen many members asking for "how to get my ex back", and after breakup questions. The idea is a simple one, for 60 days, you will not talk or communicate with the girl that bazooka your heart. In any way, form, or communication, and every time you feel like saying something to her, you will write what you were going to tell her, AND/OR why you want to contact her, in this thread instead. This has been field tested by me, and it works from selling your soul to the she-devil.

You are going to do No Contact for yourself, you need to get away from here and move on. You will feel a transformation at the end of your challenge, and the ex that broke your heart, won't be a parasite in your mind anymore. You might even get your ex's attraction back, but you will be busy thinking about other girls to give her a second chance.

So, you’ve had your heart broken, probably begged and tried to convince your ex to get back together with you and failed. Realising that staying in contact is causing you more pain than you can handle, you take the step of implementing this ‘No Contact’ (NC) that we advocate widely on the forum.

So what’s it about then? And what is going to happen?

Hopefully, most of the answers will be in this thread

What is No Contact?

While a seemingly simple question, there are variations of what ‘No Contact’ can mean.

1) You tell your ex that you won’t be contacting them and that they shouldn’t contact you.
2) You don’t tell your ex anything, and just drop off the face of the Earth.
3) You don’t tell your ex anything, you stop contacting them…but still allow them to contact you and you reply. (potentially damaging)

In my opinion, the most effective forms of NC are 1 and 2. They allow you to heal, as the ex isn’t given any way of providing you with hope (bait) or potentially emotionally damaging information (who wants to hear how great their life is without you?)

When starting NC, it is up to you what you want to say to your ex. Most people seem to say something along the lines of “Don’t call me unless you change your mind and want to give us another try”. It might also help to let them know that the window of opportunity to reconcile (from your perspective) will not be open forever.

You also may want to tell the ex why your cutting them out of your life – tell them it is so you can heal and move on. And in reality that IS why you’re doing it……

Why implement No Contact?

First and foremost, you are removing the source of your pain (your ex) from your life. If they aren’t in your life, they cannot hurt you – it’s as simple as that. And while the loss of the ex from your life in itself is painful, the benefits far outweigh the initial emotional turmoil.
No Contact allows you to get back on your feet and start to feel confident in who you are again. Remember a time when you were single and happy? Well No Contact is going to put you on the road to getting back to that point.
Some may be reluctant to take steps to regain independence, but you are useless to anyone (including your ex if they want you back) if you are unable to be happy with yourself.

No Contact can also serve another purpose, and this is the one that (if you are seeking reconciliation) will probably be used by you as inspiration to keep strong in avoiding picking up that phone or sending that email.
And that is of course, to send your ex a wake-up call and perhaps make them second-guess their decision to end the relationship.

Will No Contact bring my ex back?

Perhaps, perhaps not. There is no fool-proof way to get your ex back…if there were, we would all be using it and would all have our exes back.

There has to be some desire to reconcile inside your ex – NC will not create that desire, but it may certainly bring any underlying doubts they have to the surface. That does not mean that your ex will act on these doubts…but you can be certain that NC will at the very least make them realise just what life without you is like.

Will my ex miss me?

To be honest, it shouldn’t matter – you should be doing NC for YOU. Having said that, it is always easier to stay focussed on maintaining NC if you know that it is having at least some effect on your ex.
So, will they miss you? In most cases (unless you have become a thorn in their side), yes - absolutely.
For those who have exes that want to remain friends: Why do you think that is?
It’s because they want you in their life. Exes very rarely stay friends…so in effect, when an ex asks to stay friends they are essentially saying “I still want you in my life”.
They are not ready to let you go (yet), so by implementing NC you are forcing them to lose you right then and there. NC prevents the ex from using you to cushion the blow of the break-up….by weaning themselves off you slowly.
Without NC you can be certain that once your ex is back on their feet emotionally (helped there by you), that the ‘friendship’ that seemed so important to them at the time will be non-existent.
No Contact is a far better option than staying friends. Being friends causes you pain and allows your ex to heal quicker. NC causes your ex pain and allows you to heal quicker

Not exactly rocket science, huh?

When should I implement No Contact?

ASAP but you must be certain that you can stay strong and stick to it. NC isn’t a decision that should be reversed until you are completely healed. If you keep implementing NC and then breaking it, it sends a message to your ex that you are needy and haven’t got the strength or the conviction to follow through on your commitments. Using NC without being genuinely committed to it is a recipe for disaster – you will break it and look weak. And you if you try to use NC again, your ex will not be too bothered….because “You said that last time”.

That’s why NC should not be used as a ‘shock tactic’ – don’t expect to implement NC and for your ex to come running back to you in a week or even a month. If you use NC, you have to be in it for the long haul.

Will No Contact push my ex away?

If there is hope for your relationship, then no it won’t – it will make your ex think about their decision.
After a few weeks of NC, you’ll probably get worried and start deluding yourself with thoughts like “Maybe they’ve forgotten about me…and maybe they think I don’t still love them”.
If that’s the way you’re thinking, then how about considering this: If you have NC with your ex for a few weeks and then contact them to tell you that you still care…what message does that send?
It says to your ex “I implemented NC to move on and heal…and now 3 weeks down the track I haven’t moved on or healed at all.”
The ex will again know that they can still have you if they want you…and even if they don’t hear from you for another few weeks, they won’t be overly concerned – the last few weeks hadn’t diminished your feelings, so why would the ex think the next few will?
Not a bad little (HUGE) security boost for the ex there, huh? Not to mention a huge step backwards for your good self.

How long will I keep hurting?

For as long as you allow yourself to. Remember, the ex is now out of your life – they cannot hurt you. So if you’re still feeling pain it is coming from within you – not from them.
It is perfectly normal to miss your ex, and by miss I mean that some days will be almost unbearable.
Go out, meet with friends (don’t talk about the ex!) or if it’s late at night think about the things you didn’t like about your ex…and even revisit arguments you may have had with them. If you have to think about your ex, think about the negatives.

Thinking about the good times is pointless – there is no possibility of having them back at the moment, and to dwell on what you once had is ultimately self-destructive.

Ideally, you should be doing your best to not think about your ex – do whatever it takes and keep busy. The less you think about them, the less you will hurt. Soon enough, not thinking about them will become normal.

What if the ex breaks NC and calls/emails me?

Two options: Respond or don’t respond.

If you have completely given up hope or don’t wish to reconcile with your ex – ignore the contact and keep ignoring any further attempts at contact. Easy.

If you are seeking reconciliation, then it depends on what the ex says when they contact you.
If they are calling for a ‘catch up’, politely tell your ex that you were serious about NC and that they must respect your decision. This call may come after a few days, a few weeks or a few months. Don’t get into any discussions about yourself and what you’re up to – keep it short, and make it clear to your ex that NC isn’t just a whim….you are serious about it. Remind them, if it comes up, that friendship is not an option.

Make it clear that you are respecting their decision to end the relationship, and now they have to respect your decision to end contact.
If you are seeking reconciliation, you also have every right to question your ex about their intentions if they contact you. Do so at the beginning of the interaction – there’s no point having a great conversation with the ex and getting your hopes up only to find out at the end of the call that nothing has changed. Save yourself the trouble and find out at the start - if their motivation for calling you is anything short of what you are after, terminate the conversation politely…but quickly.

And...
What happens if you run into them passing by? I suppose just politely smile, maybe say hello, and keep going??

There are always going to be cases where some people bump into the ex.
When responding to any contact, or if it is a chance meeting, the key is not to be rude. Don't ignore them, but at the same time do not enter into a long dialogue with them.

Tips

Remove any photos and reminders you have of your ex from your life. Put them in a box and pack them away. You don’t need things like that preventing you from moving on.

Copy down your ex’s email address and phone numbers on a piece of paper, and put them in the same box. Then delete the email address from your computer and their numbers from your phone.

If you are strong enough to delete their contact details without writing them down, then do it! If not, do the above – it will remove the temptation to contact your ex (especially when you are out having a couple of drinks or at home alone in front of the pc ).

Stop talking about your ex with your friends. They’ll get sick of it, and it won’t help you one bit.

2. When you accept this challenge, post here and your time/date stamp will be recorded for accuracy. You will do this for 60 days.

3. No Contact will be initiated for 60 Days from the date that you post. This mean NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER...and I mean NONE. (Including going to picture sites and myspace/or like sites)

4. If you work with your ex, you can still accept the challenge. You cannot do ANYTHING to contact your ex UNLESS it is work related ONLY.

5. If you accept this challange, I would like a post every couple of days on how you are feeling and what you are doing to pass the time. I am hoping by doing this, others will read and try to help themselves is they have a moment of weakness.

6. If you have contact with your ex BY YOUR DOING..YOU MUST POST WHY YOU DID IT AND HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT AFTER. No exceptions.

7. If your ex contacts you, UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY, or there are children involved, you cannot respond. PERIOD. If you do, see rule 5.

8. If an ex comes over or tries to see you physically, this DOES NOT COUNT AGAINST YOU, BUT you MUST POST.

9. After the 60 days of No Contact has past, you must reread all of your daily threads and write a conclusion based on what you felt when you started and how you feel 60 days later.

10. When you post every couple of days, please put what day number you are on of the 60 day challenge so that other members can see how you are doing.

I would like for this to happen because I want other to read the progression involved in the NO CONTACT process.

If you do NOT feel you are up to the challenge, ... still do it! Don't be a chode and give her attention and try to work things out. 99% of times, it makes it worse. We are man, not little flower girls!

I wish you all the best....and GOOD LUCK.

If you accept my challenge, you will be very surprised at the end result.
I was transformed when i finished the NO Contact Challenge in 8/2007, and i thank Superdave71 for being the original person who started this at Enotalone. This challenge helped me out really well, and you will not regret it. If ANYONE can come up with more rules, PLEASE suggest, so I can update them. I will be happy to listen.

A couple of weeks after the breakup she wanted to remain "friends" and we did so for a month and it sucked. Didn't get nowhere. Now it is 2 1/2 weeks since I told het o not contact me ever again- which of course she will. I got a new haircut, lost weight, etc. and she saw that. Do you think I did a smart thing by letting her back into my world for a month than letting her go? BTW the main factor in all of this was that she started seeing another dude and as soon as she told me I dropped the bomb on her couple days later.

A couple of weeks after the breakup she wanted to remain "friends" and we did so for a month and it sucked. Didn't get nowhere. Now it is 2 1/2 weeks since I told het o not contact me ever again- which of course she will. I got a new haircut, lost weight, etc. and she saw that. Do you think I did a smart thing by letting her back into my world for a month than letting her go? BTW the main factor in all of this was that she started seeing another dude and as soon as she told me I dropped the bomb on her couple days later.

Day 17. Your are too emotionally involved. When she said "friends" she received all the power. It was not a smart thing to let her back into your life. How long have you known her? From what you wrote i would not talk to her for a least 8 weeks. Im proud that you got a haircut and lost weight, but remember to do it for you. Improve on yourself, and do not, i repeat do not contact or communicate for her for at least 2 months. You will feel so much better about yourself, and you will laugh when you read what you wrote 2 months from now. Keep going to the gym and have fun for yourself, not because it might impress her.

If you are not acquainted with the No Contact Rule, now is the time. The ‘No Contact Rule’ is established for the following reason; an inability to cut off a relationship that is over.

While the rule may sound simple, let me tell you, it’s not, which is all the more reason to enforce it when possible. Breaking up with someone can cause a rollercoaster of emotions including anger, frustration and large amounts of pain which is all the more reason to get away as soon as possible from the source that is causing it. Relationships can be dragged out for months and in some cases years when one or both parties stays in continual contact even though its obvious that the relationship is long over.

How to abide by the No Contact Rule

1. No calling. Period. I don’t care if your cat ran away; your house burned down or if your car dumped you on the side of the road. Drama is not a reason to stir up a phone call to the ex. Drunk dialing is big no-no as well. If you feel like calling, call a friend until the feeling passes.

2. No sex. I know giving up a relationship means giving up sex, but it’s a dangerous recipe to continue intimate relations with an ex. Not only can you become dependent on this closeness but it keeps you in the dark ages on the “get over him” timeline. That’s what vibrators are for.

3. No spying. You would be amazed at how many women I have known that take it upon themselves to do a quick drive by of the ex’s house. This can satisfy that craving to know if he is home or out on the town with the boys. Worse case scenario you see a strange car outside and your imagination hits an all time high. Don’t do it. This can cause an emotional phone call (see #1) to your ex. Besides, blabbing to him what you saw will only make you look psycho. Not good.

4. No information sharing through friends. If you the two of you have mutual friends, don’t volunteer information to them in hopes they are going to tell your ex. It is tempting to want your ex to know that you won the million dollar lottery or just met the man of your dreams but it benefits neither one of you in the end. If your friends are blabbing, ask them nicely to keep your personal information to themselves.

5. Get rid of temptation by deleting your ex’s phone number from your mobile/cell phone (this will prevent drunk dialing) and block his email address. This adds more security layers to the No Contact Rule in an age of technology.

The No Contact Rule exists to hasten the healing process. By dragging out the end of a relationship, it only delays you from happiness in the future. It is important to allow yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship but keep the no contact rule in place. It will be hard at first but the longer you go, the easier it gets. Remember, practice makes perfect. If you find that you slipped up on any of the above, don’t beat yourself up. It’s never too late to start fresh. Remember, no contact means NO CONTACT. It’s the first and most important step to moving on. Now, go get started!

I've know her for a year and a half and you are right I took her in too soon I think as well. But yeah I'm going to do the full 2 months. How long should I wait though when she starts calling/texting lets say in like a month to contact her again?

I've know her for a year and a half and you are right I took her in too soon I think as well. But yeah I'm going to do the full 2 months. How long should I wait though when she starts calling/texting lets say in like a month to contact her again?

If she starts texting or calling before the 60 days are over, ignore the calls and delete the voicemails and textings without reading them. She will bombard you with more and more attention and pleas, but you must not communicate with her...... even if she says she wants you back, or wants to talk. No contact means No contact, and i doing no contact too, im on day 3.

Me and her work together, and one of my guy friends that works there too, dropped me off at the store from school. I got out of my car and she came and started talking to him, and her body language kept saying " i want to talk", but we pretended like we were both invisible, and i am starting to not think that much about her. 56 more days to go, and its going to get easier since our schedules changed, and i only see her on fridays for 4 hours. Its going to be hard no contacting her at work, but its for the best.

the girl i have been dating for 5 months has just LJBF me, this last week she was acting distant and i could feel the low interest, so i was ready for it... i never became AFC on her, but seein how she was getting distant made me react and i called her on it... and she kept being distant while saying everything is fine... wtf!!

anyway, she didnt wana see me this week, and i asked her what plans you have tomorrow, she said bla bla bla bla and dinner at night!

i was like "ok", thas nice, but hey i just have a lil question, are you going on dinner with any guy friend?

and she got really pissed and hung up the phone on me.... i felt really bad, and she turned off her phone... that did it for me, i told her it was over, and she said that we should just be friends for now, and that she cares about me blablabal.... so i just delete her from myspace and from my phone, and i have initiated the no contact, i told her i dont wana be friends, and that this is over for her disrespect..

so well see how it goes... this is day 1.... No contact challenge

also, last week she was all over me, saying i love u, i miss you, i need you,,,, and BAM!!! next week she transfoms into this... its just amazing, luckily i know waht to do now, its time to make her suffer by dissapearing from her life... she cant handle a day without talking to me so well see

I haven't heard from her.... and a friend of hers is wondering if im mad at her. I told her friend in person to give me some space, and that i am actually happy me and broke up, because i got a new haircut and im going weightlifting, and i feel relieved.. She called me an A$$hole, some profanity, but boy did it feel good, and worth it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pipe007

she just called me twice, i didnt respond.... mannnnn i was this close on answering,,, i have to man it up

When she calls, put the phone down, and walk away. When it stops ringing put it in your pockets for a couple of minutes, and delete her voicemail without listening to it. good job!

I gotta ask, why would anyone want their ex back? They're your exes for a reason, it didn't work out for one reason or another. Whenever I've broken up with someone I've never gone down the same road twice. There are more women on this planet than men, why continually go after the same one continuously?

I will agree however that if you for some silly reason do want them back, completely severing any and all communication does seem to do the trick. You let them see what life is like without you, providing they had substantial feelings for you, and they'll eventually get back into contact with you. Girls have that whole ex-boyfriend thing that they keep going back to.

__________________
"Whether or not she's f*cking someone else often has no bearing on whether or not she's going to f*ck you."

My ex was my best friend since 1st year of college, now im in 4th year, we have over 60 mutual frends. The TRUTH: ***** cheated, USED me, abused me, and still had the balls to say she loved me. After i found out she cheated i went nuts, but then I forgave her two weeks later we decided to try Frendship...STUPID MISTAKE...NOTHING changed, shes still sleeping with him and putting me thru emotional turmoil. I KNOW i shudnt have gone BACK but this was my first real relationship. EITHER way ive lost a lot of pride and now im on the no-contact rule to get her outta my life...deleted phone number, pictures and everything....support from and DJs is welcome coz im still hurting a bit now n then....Only stupid part is i have to see her in school sometimes coz of exams...how wud u guys react here?

Ps. Do i delete her facebook? only reason i want her on it, is coz i wana show off pics wit me and other girls and stupid stuff like that. what do u guys think?

I work with mine. It's probably been 3 months since no contact, If not a bit longer. We talked a bit after the breakup but then I told her I can't be her friend she got upset and that was it. During those 3 months shes tried to talk to me several times, I was polite but only gave one answer responses and walked away from the situation. I think I have done well.

hooray! you have done very well, can you tell me what happened after. Yes it might be hard but in the end No Contact works!

Quote:

Originally Posted by The DomMega

I gotta ask, why would anyone want their ex back? They're your exes for a reason, it didn't work out for one reason or another. Whenever I've broken up with someone I've never gone down the same road twice. There are more women on this planet than men, why continually go after the same one continuously?

I will agree however that if you for some silly reason do want them back, completely severing any and all communication does seem to do the trick. You let them see what life is like without you, providing they had substantial feelings for you, and they'll eventually get back into contact with you. Girls have that whole ex-boyfriend thing that they keep going back to.

Actually in most cases you forget about her and the thought of hooking up with her is seen as a silly thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 75%PUA

My ex was my best friend since 1st year of college, now im in 4th year, we have over 60 mutual frends. The TRUTH: ***** cheated, USED me, abused me, and still had the balls to say she loved me. After i found out she cheated i went nuts, but then I forgave her two weeks later we decided to try Frendship...STUPID MISTAKE...NOTHING changed, shes still sleeping with him and putting me thru emotional turmoil. I KNOW i shudnt have gone BACK but this was my first real relationship. EITHER way ive lost a lot of pride and now im on the no-contact rule to get her outta my life...deleted phone number, pictures and everything....support from and DJs is welcome coz im still hurting a bit now n then....Only stupid part is i have to see her in school sometimes coz of exams...how wud u guys react here?

Ps. Do i delete her facebook? only reason i want her on it, is coz i wana show off pics wit me and other girls and stupid stuff like that. what do u guys think?

You have over 60 mutal friends so your going to see her from time to time, but after exams you will probably see her less. I would delete her from facebook, and i would not try to make her "jealous" or feel bad that she cheated, since she used you and abused you mentally. One of the reasons she might have cheated was because you didn't provide what she wanted or needed... and she had to find it from somebody else. You probably became unattractive and she started bossing you around. This is what i would do... Delete her from facebook, and realized that you dodged a bullet! She was a b!thchy fake queen who would have gotten you in bigger trouble down the road, with marriage or child support. Your the prize, and i know it may seem blah blah blah but ignore her completely. If you see her at a party or in school and she asks you why your ignoring her, ( or her friends ask you why your ignoring her), tell her/them " ive been busy...i have to go" or "i dont feel comfortable talking to you/about her". She's replaceable, but since she was your best friend it hurts alot more, and i know your ego is hurt and you want to restore your pride... but you can restore you pride.... and by not having to talk to her again. Heres how.

Start working out, improve your quality of life, go have fun, enjoy yourself... and the best revenge is your mutual friends telling her.. hey have you seen 75%PUA lately.... he looks buff... or hey i saw 75%PUA with a brunette walking to class the other day.... your mutual friends will tell her how much fun your having in life without her. in fact this great article below explains it.
before you delete her facebook, tell her on her wall,

" Hey thank you for breaking up with me. It was fun while it lasted, but oh well, and i wish you the best. Well gotta go.. just wanted to thank you.. for the good and fun times. bye, im going on an adventure, see you in a couple of months :-)"

Anyway this post deals with the aftermath. What to do after your heart was stomped on.

Maybe she cheated, found someone else, or just needed space. You're pissed as many guys are when their heart gets ripped out. Alot of guys turn into women hating bastards. You feel like punching the wall, or his face, or even hers.

So what's the best REVENGE!?

Screw as many chicks as you can? Mess up her car? Beat up her new boyfriend? Light her house on fire? Throw acid in her face?
(Just kidding about the acid. Read that somewhere on this forum)

No. Although these things might be fun and make you feel better for a minute or two, this is not the right type of Revenge.

The Best Revenge Ever on the Ex that dumped you is simply, LIVING WELL.

Living your life to your best capability.

What a slap in the face it would be for your ex to run into you down the road and there you are, better than you've ever been! Kicking a$$! on the rest of the world. Kind of like "Thanks for dumping me, cuz look at me now!"

You've got a new and improved girlfriend, better job, new car, new clothes, you look great. You've got new friends, you're doing new and exciting things that you never did before. You don't even have time to stop and talk to her. Your life is better, more complete, and you are happier than you've ever been.

The above are just examples but the point is to improve yourself and your life in every possible way.

Now you'll say "But Slick, shouldn't we be doing all that stuff anyway?"

EXACTLY. That is the beauty of it.

We've all probably had our hearts broken at one time or another. We all know that feeling like you can't go on. Life seems meaningless. You feel like you'll never find another one like her. You can't eat, can't sleep. Blah, blah, blah. You end up moping around all depressed.

Well its gonna take some TIME before you can get yourself together and get back on the right track. It might be a few months, it might even be years!

But when you head out looking for Revenge in this way, you'll be WAY ahead of the game.

My reasoning: the only reason to get back in touch after the breakup for me is usually some bs idea about "getting closure." BUT, every time you try to get that last bit of "closure" you will ALWAYS come up with some excuse for why the last time you got in touch wasn't "good enough."

Because you will always want a little bit more each time, you might as well stop believing in the idea of closure and keep living.

Told my ex yesterday to not call me for anything ever again. Ive supported her for the past three years and she dosent understand why I cant "just" be her friend. The situation with her has really killed alot of my pride. Shes used me and this becomes evident when she starts dating a new guy. I go from surrogate boyfriend to a pain in her ass. So No Contact is for the best. The sad thing is Im pretty sure her current relationship will end within the next few months because she is a high maintenance attention ***** that kills attraction after the new relationship ideals go away. She expects me to be there to pick her back up like I have several times before. She dosent understand how much this ****s with my head, being used to meet her needs while mine are laughed at. She asked me why I cant just be happy for her, happy that Ive been ditched and shes ****ing someone else. Selfish *****.