Q: I have been married for almost four years now. I love my wife very much, but there is very little excitement in our marriage. At first I thought it was me, but no matter how much I try it doesn’t seem to change. Divorce seems to be the last thing on my mind. There are strip clubs that I think about going to, but have yet to make the trip.

There is also my sister-in-law. She is younger and smaller. Not saying my wife is fat, she is far from it, but my sister-in-law is just tiny. She is very flirty. Before my wife and I got married, her sister and I got really flirty. It eventually lead to phone sex. Since then we have talked about hooking up, but the last conversation ended with the “you’re my sister’s husband” excuse. Since then she’s been helping out at my house with my kids and all. She sometimes wears little or loose clothing, and I can always see her breasts without even trying. They seem to pop out of her shirt. They are small and perky. One time she even wore a thong in the house with no pants.

I don’t know if she’s just clueless and has moved on, or if she’s flirting with me. I sometimes want to ask her, but then think if she moved on it could cause a big stink. Should I take a chance at excitement? And, if do, should it be a one time thing, or every so often? Or should I count my blessings and thank god we didn’t get caught in the past and move on?

A. I am reading a book called The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. In the chapter about Anti-Seducers – or people who, through their insecurity, self-absorption, and inattentiveness, repel others – there is a quote that reminds me of you.

These men and women seem to be searching for an ideal partner. The one they have is never quite right; at first glace a person excites them, but they soon see faults, and when a new person crosses their path, he or she looks better and the first person is forgotten.

Sound familiar?

My advice for you is to stop thinking of divorce as a less noble solution than cheating on your wife with her sister – who prances around the house with tits flying and no pants on while taking care of your children.

If you actually want to work things out with your wife, her sister needs to stop coming over. Neither you nor your kids need to be exposed to that. She knows exactly what she is doing, and it’s working.

You also need to do some soul-searching and see if there is a deep-rooted void that you, unrealistically, expect someone else to fill. People are imperfect, but that’s where their beauty lies. Pay attention to your wife, and stop comparing her to some perfect ideal you have in your mind. She has unique qualities that you’ll never find in anyone else – qualities you must have noticed and cherished at some point because you married her.

Also, learn to be patient. Everything is a cycle. Feelings come in waves. Sometimes they are so strong they overwhelm, and sometimes they subside almost completely. When you’re not feeling madly in love, you have to fall back on your respect for your wife and a sense of responsibility towards your family to get you through. This isn’t the movies. This is real life. Love cannot always be exciting or you’ll have a heart attack.

If, in the end, you simply can’t resist your sister-in-law’s charms, do your wife a favor and get a divorce. She’ll hurt, heal, move on, and become a stronger, better, happier person because you’re no longer there to hold her back by wishing she was someone else. And you’ll have all the excitement you can handle when you’re lamenting over whether or not the woman you’re with is frolicking around some other dude’s house in her underwear while you’re at work. At least until you get bored again.