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Friday, April 5, 2013

Little Known Facts About Rejection Slips

All rejection slips
grow on a tree, which is located in the middle of a forest on the 23rd
level of hell.When an agent
decides to pass on your manuscript, she sends her assistant down to the
Underworld to fetch a rejection slip.The assistant rides in a scarlet elevator for three and a half days,
down and down and down.Fortunately the elevator comes equipped with a bathroom, a cot and a
mini-refrigerator.But the
refrigerator doesn’t work.

When the assistant
finally reaches the 23rd level of hell, he follows a trail of
English muffin breadcrumbs deep into the heart of the forest.He plucks a rejection slip from the
tree and runs for his life because a giant red owl guards over the tree and
will only give up a rejection slip in exchange for 4253 drops of blood.This is why assistants seem so
depressed when you talk to them over the phone.It has nothing to do with their minimum wage salary.It has nothing to do with the hundred
grand they still owe on the student loan from Yale.The assistant’s misery doesn’t even have anything to do with
his girlfriend dumping him for an indie folk singer who is even poorer than he
is.But it has everything to do
with getting chased by a giant red owl through the 23rd level of
hell.

If the assistant is
fortunate enough to make it back to the elevator, he frantically presses the
Ground Floor button and prays for the elevator doors to close while the
colossal red owl comes screeching closer and closer.When the doors close and the panic subsides, suddenly he
notices that the cot is gone.Nor
is there a bathroom in the elevator for the three and a half day journey out of
hell.However, the
mini-refrigerator does work.But
he has nothing to put in it.

After the elevator
bears him out purgatory and he is back in New York City, he carries the
rejection slip into the agent’s office and lays it on her desk.She berates him for not picking up her
latte along the way.She then proceeds
to fire him.The assistant takes
the elevator back down to hell and starts a rock band.

DISCLAIMER

The authors of Project Mayhem do their best to provide accurate, witty, and sometimes manic information pertaining to all things middle grade. Any resemblance to anybody else's manic, witty, and accurate information is purely serendipitous. However, the views and opinions expressed herein are solely those of the individual authors, and do not necessarily reflect those of the other writers on this blog. Except, we all agree that reading Project Mayhem will brighten your day. Drop by mic.