tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-359904182018-03-19T12:26:58.647-06:00LAJOY FAMILYThe Family God BuiltCindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.comBlogger1325125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-18563181867109677772018-03-14T21:41:00.000-06:002018-03-14T21:41:06.447-06:00Soul Wealth<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vPBug1EdxBw/WqnmbJLlU0I/AAAAAAAARzM/ZxBQjQIqBM8j5xXuorNjAXUzvaqHCFzTQCLcBGAs/s1600/635957490527982021-450976122_sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="820" data-original-width="920" height="356" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vPBug1EdxBw/WqnmbJLlU0I/AAAAAAAARzM/ZxBQjQIqBM8j5xXuorNjAXUzvaqHCFzTQCLcBGAs/s400/635957490527982021-450976122_sign.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Recently for the kids' personal finance course we read a book by Linda Tirado, "Hand to Mouth".&nbsp; Tirado became a viral sensation in 2013 when an article she wrote appeared on Huffington Post,&nbsp;<a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/linda-tirado/why-poor-peoples-bad-decisions-make-perfect-sense_b_4326233.html" target="_blank"> "This is Why Poor People's Bad Decisions Make Perfect Sense"</a>&nbsp;and we read her subsequent book to try and learn more about good and bad decision making.&nbsp; Sadly, Tirado did little to dispel what she <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qhMSqD6Gxmc/Wqnmtcb-F1I/AAAAAAAARzQ/cI-F437JDHY6Dapshat0kYK-qWXYRDX-wCLcBGAs/s1600/21944886.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="266" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qhMSqD6Gxmc/Wqnmtcb-F1I/AAAAAAAARzQ/cI-F437JDHY6Dapshat0kYK-qWXYRDX-wCLcBGAs/s200/21944886.jpg" width="132" /></a></div>feels are "myths" as she shared her own personal story of poor decision making, but many might call it "excuse making" for feeling justified in just about everything she did, from flipping off her bosses to failing to show up for work because she just couldn't face it to demeaning just about everyone she encountered.&nbsp;&nbsp;<div><br /></div><div>Oh, the conversations that arose around the table as we read!&nbsp; This was really more of a "What Not To Do" manual, but woven throughout were some hard truths as well that did help explain the cycle of poverty in a very concrete way. After reading the book, the kids each had to write an essay on what their takeaway was.&nbsp; Last night I was reading Angie's essay, and was struck by what she shared, which reflected a wisdom well beyond her age.&nbsp; Here is what Angela wrote:</div><div><br /></div><div><i>"The whole world is poor.&nbsp; Linda Tirado fails to realize that every single person is poor in something. Some are poor in spirit, some are poor in good parents, some are poor in knowing themselves, others poor in opportunities, relationships, or even in cognitive reasoning.&nbsp; Each one of us holds a sign that says, "Please Help, I am Hungry."&nbsp; That sign might be saying I am hungry to be known, I am hungry for education, or I am hungry for opportunities.&nbsp; As we avoid looking at the cardboard signs that the homeless or the poor hold, Tirado is glancing away from the signs of poverty we experience.&nbsp; We don't criticize poverty of spirit, mind or experience, but we certainly do when it comes to financial indigence.&nbsp; What's the difference?&nbsp; With financial poverty it is hard to hide your way of life.&nbsp; With other sorts of poverty we can put on masks that will fool the world or to some extent even ourselves.&nbsp; It's impossible to conceal penury.&nbsp; There are no therapists or medications for being poor."</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>Angie was right, we are all poor in some way or another, and as she pointed out, some ways are just more socially acceptable or more easily hidden from the world.&nbsp; Good writing always ought to make us think, and though Tirado's writing was actually somewhat of an expletive filled personal memoir than an explanation of poverty itself, Angela's writing really made me stop and consider something. I began to ask myself, "What am I hungry for?&nbsp; What might those around me be hungry for?" and then I was inevitably led to the challenging question, "What am I doing about it?"</div><div><br /></div><div>The imagery Angie brought to mind was powerful, and I imagined sitting in a room full of people, perhaps many I know, and many I don't know.&nbsp; Each was holding a cardboard sign, words boldly scrawled in black Sharpie marker revealing the deepest yearnings of each individual.&nbsp; What have I missed in the lives of those around me, largely because I was focused on that which the world holds in high esteem but which matters little in the long run?&nbsp; Have I missed moments when comfort could have been offered, when a listening ear would have made all the difference, when a helping hand could have lightened the load?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am convinced of the goodness of mankind.&nbsp; I simply can not walk through the world imagining that everyone wishes to cause harm to others, or is solely&nbsp;</div><div>self-interested.&nbsp; <i><u>We are all capable of being so wrapped up in our own lives that we fail to see the needs of others, but few of us truly desire to live like that.</u></i>&nbsp; We <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_cWIm4c9DFQ/Wqnm6j7Wc0I/AAAAAAAARzU/gR78AH0hlHg5iBhYAPDsNfOkQGJgvis_QCLcBGAs/s1600/life_jacket_types_Fotor.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="343" data-original-width="212" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_cWIm4c9DFQ/Wqnm6j7Wc0I/AAAAAAAARzU/gR78AH0hlHg5iBhYAPDsNfOkQGJgvis_QCLcBGAs/s200/life_jacket_types_Fotor.png" width="123" /></a></div>get absorbed in the minutiae of our day to day grind, struggling as we can to keep our heads above water, and that leaves little energy to look from side to side to see if there is someone who might need a life vest thrown to them.&nbsp; &nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Matthew returned from his trip to Washington, DC, where he met with Senators and Representatives and lobbied for funding for Civil Air Patrol, spoke with staff members, witnessed Supreme Court arguments, visited with CIA staff, and much more.&nbsp; The experience left a profound imprint on him, and on the long drive home from Denver he shared some of what he learned.</div><div><br /></div><div>"I realized one really important thing, Mom.&nbsp; Most of these powerful men and women in Washington really do want to make a positive difference in the lives of Americans.&nbsp; I can't believe that every single politician who is elected and goes to DC wants to ruin our country.&nbsp; They don't set out to make bad decisions, who would do that?&nbsp; Liberals and conservatives all want what is best for our country, they just have different ideas about how to achieve it.&nbsp; We are just at a point where we would rather assign evil intent to those who have differing opinions, than to simply say they have a different plan."</div><div><br /></div><div>Now, Matt is not naive, and he understands corruption exists in all walks of life.&nbsp; He knows politicians do what they need to do to be re-elected, but underneath it all, I believe he is right.&nbsp; We have come to a time and place when we would prefer to believe the worst in people, rather than the best...and we are poorer in spirit because of it.&nbsp; When we feel the need to bash others and call them evil simply because we disagree with their approach to a problem, who has the <i>real</i>&nbsp;problem??</div><div><br /></div><div>Us.</div><div><br /></div><div>We are poor in so many ways, our cardboard signs legible and written in bold.</div><div><br /></div><div>But we don't have to be, we have a choice in that.&nbsp; When we fail to reach out toward others, we impoverish ourselves.&nbsp; We become wealthier every time we extend our hand, when we lift others up, or when we offer comfort and encouragement.&nbsp; We have so many choices about who we are, what we see, and how we walk through the world.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Embracing what is good, forcing our eyes to do more than flit across the surface of sorrows we see and instead rest there a moment so we truly see another in their pain can alter outcomes.&nbsp; Being present with one another, throwing away labels, and reading those cardboard signs with intent to actually do something...anything...to alleviate another's poverty is how we make little changes that lead us to a soul wealth that can't easily be replicated in impact by financial wealth.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>I am committing myself to reading the tattered, stained signs written in desperation, to not letting myself off the hook because the world tells me that what is written on those signs is of little import in my own life.&nbsp; It <i>does</i>&nbsp;matter, because I, too, carry one of those very same signs, emblazoned with my own soul's poverty, and I need to hang on to the hope that someone will commit themselves to reading mine, too.</div><div><br /></div><div>We all need one another, we just haven't yet quite figured that out.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0QG7rMKA3Xc/WqnqIXiP5UI/AAAAAAAARzk/cnujoefkecwNk_YAsDyg8AqvEK1xKd3tgCLcBGAs/s1600/500-helping-the-needy-quote-by-mother-teresa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="363" data-original-width="500" height="290" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0QG7rMKA3Xc/WqnqIXiP5UI/AAAAAAAARzk/cnujoefkecwNk_YAsDyg8AqvEK1xKd3tgCLcBGAs/s400/500-helping-the-needy-quote-by-mother-teresa.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-39871610198643444852018-03-11T21:23:00.001-06:002018-03-11T21:23:40.304-06:00Wishin', and Hopin'? Heck No...Doin'!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Whew! It has been a month since I last posted, and I have wanted to sit down and really write with some sense of direction, but it just isn't happening time-wise.&nbsp; Maybe soon, as a lot has been going on.&nbsp; However, our Blue Collar Homeschool group on Facebook sort of exploded, and has taken an enormous amount of time and energy, along with every day life.&nbsp; It is wonderful, and a wee bit overwhelming as it develops and grows.&nbsp;<br /><br />So, I figured I'd get a few photos posted, share a few random thoughts, and try later this week to find an hour or so to write with real depth.&nbsp; Until then, it has been a super busy month, so here are some pics from our lives!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4fUb0xJRPJg/WqXo9_JP9FI/AAAAAAAARv0/lxaUcRMO32o-SOwCYPY1IfwMEi9dtF1JQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1569_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4fUb0xJRPJg/WqXo9_JP9FI/AAAAAAAARv0/lxaUcRMO32o-SOwCYPY1IfwMEi9dtF1JQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1569_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">We've been Shrinerin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1G4rMptOb6c/WqXo75fwA8I/AAAAAAAARvw/BvVVSRtGxvkUTTRd910wAEO5CrsDyATvQCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1558_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1G4rMptOb6c/WqXo75fwA8I/AAAAAAAARvw/BvVVSRtGxvkUTTRd910wAEO5CrsDyATvQCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1558_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And churchin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d2trfPtEO2c/WqXpDAWPJkI/AAAAAAAARwI/jNTmKJFf8VcPmScqJkvTL9wJfjLJkWs7wCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1616_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1341" data-original-width="1511" height="353" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d2trfPtEO2c/WqXpDAWPJkI/AAAAAAAARwI/jNTmKJFf8VcPmScqJkvTL9wJfjLJkWs7wCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1616_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And Lentenin'</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XkQjPxMqvEs/WqXpA-k0H0I/AAAAAAAARwE/srZ_HqjPkJMTLVv_cF2KCJ5zQ7PCFsdOwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XkQjPxMqvEs/WqXpA-k0H0I/AAAAAAAARwE/srZ_HqjPkJMTLVv_cF2KCJ5zQ7PCFsdOwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1614.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And prayin'</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zTM7X_RQXiw/WqXo-QecxNI/AAAAAAAARv8/CXzxWWhuyGgaQkeCi9sLVIjM7TDmOCqZwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1586.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zTM7X_RQXiw/WqXo-QecxNI/AAAAAAAARv8/CXzxWWhuyGgaQkeCi9sLVIjM7TDmOCqZwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1586.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And pretty dressin'...</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MfS6JHIWlUM/WqXpAvlDtCI/AAAAAAAARwA/o1Br6U8FYGQMGGifRbeswUTb_l_DMSMtgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1590.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MfS6JHIWlUM/WqXpAvlDtCI/AAAAAAAARwA/o1Br6U8FYGQMGGifRbeswUTb_l_DMSMtgCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1590.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AhsrL-3ICvI/WqXo-ClssQI/AAAAAAAARww/e03q-wYfplcKRCY1HmRIVxGPvED3XcePQCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1572.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AhsrL-3ICvI/WqXo-ClssQI/AAAAAAAARww/e03q-wYfplcKRCY1HmRIVxGPvED3XcePQCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1572.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And dancin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-onWhRA6uI-U/WqXo7t45QMI/AAAAAAAARvs/YEXqvHG0fEUfYX8ITC10eFbQaQC6o2LSgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1525_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-onWhRA6uI-U/WqXo7t45QMI/AAAAAAAARvs/YEXqvHG0fEUfYX8ITC10eFbQaQC6o2LSgCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1525_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And art buyin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZW2XCXiJ87M/WqXpZfX9YjI/AAAAAAAARwc/V6tR-MH6JtE71cYIo9U1THJr6nGz5PsgACEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1692_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZW2XCXiJ87M/WqXpZfX9YjI/AAAAAAAARwc/V6tR-MH6JtE71cYIo9U1THJr6nGz5PsgACEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1692_Fotor.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and paintin'...</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TJzValYG4C8/WqXpcqXWUOI/AAAAAAAARwo/aWHYnpE7GI8PUc1e3VgbGf6_LrLDndYUgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1703.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TJzValYG4C8/WqXpcqXWUOI/AAAAAAAARwo/aWHYnpE7GI8PUc1e3VgbGf6_LrLDndYUgCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1703.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and "happy accidentin' "</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tVp6IoTL9hk/WqXsAvtwD0I/AAAAAAAARxA/7AotnpLytO4uKA-kOsQvBLhFanwVmaEygCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1096.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tVp6IoTL9hk/WqXsAvtwD0I/AAAAAAAARxA/7AotnpLytO4uKA-kOsQvBLhFanwVmaEygCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1096.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xrkyKOgc4nw/WqXsfYCp6tI/AAAAAAAARxI/3YF0FETroCIPyaYBputFpjBJgG2-_ZvXwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1555.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xrkyKOgc4nw/WqXsfYCp6tI/AAAAAAAARxI/3YF0FETroCIPyaYBputFpjBJgG2-_ZvXwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1555.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And gigglin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5qcgq7n7Igk/WqXs5K96zrI/AAAAAAAARxQ/qTw03H5V5REoZpFEbNglYCaKv8U8aEQ1gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1619_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5qcgq7n7Igk/WqXs5K96zrI/AAAAAAAARxQ/qTw03H5V5REoZpFEbNglYCaKv8U8aEQ1gCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1619_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And researchin'...</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Eed7dbR7SIQ/WqXs1QLU9rI/AAAAAAAARxM/ou3nczjXPMEteLQsLVc4G7KQfMV_0PhuwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1700.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Eed7dbR7SIQ/WqXs1QLU9rI/AAAAAAAARxM/ou3nczjXPMEteLQsLVc4G7KQfMV_0PhuwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1700.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and Blue Collar Homeschoolin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GNKpm9fvFJ0/WqXtMRFqSWI/AAAAAAAARxc/4_dlKiGdOWw_56jU-MRyPzURcbSs_PIOACLcBGAs/s1600/28616347_174395763198011_7899956187789225210_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GNKpm9fvFJ0/WqXtMRFqSWI/AAAAAAAARxc/4_dlKiGdOWw_56jU-MRyPzURcbSs_PIOACLcBGAs/s400/28616347_174395763198011_7899956187789225210_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and lobbyin' (with Senator Cory Gardner)...</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B2pXQCFA3Eo/WqXtMSkXGAI/AAAAAAAARxY/Xh1AaA5gj4MmLTQ6_w8UHdvNHc6nVMUJgCLcBGAs/s1600/28685805_174395576531363_6860794717923337512_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B2pXQCFA3Eo/WqXtMSkXGAI/AAAAAAAARxY/Xh1AaA5gj4MmLTQ6_w8UHdvNHc6nVMUJgCLcBGAs/s400/28685805_174395576531363_6860794717923337512_n.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And servin'...</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Yk9FpllAJzY/WqXtM30UG8I/AAAAAAAARxk/BZa01gHGUhUcUMSd783K18DNn9wv7_4ogCLcBGAs/s1600/28872476_174395573198030_8278613354368229666_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Yk9FpllAJzY/WqXtM30UG8I/AAAAAAAARxk/BZa01gHGUhUcUMSd783K18DNn9wv7_4ogCLcBGAs/s400/28872476_174395573198030_8278613354368229666_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And more lobbyin'...(with Representative Mike Coffman)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-blZn9991DhY/WqXtMT7lSmI/AAAAAAAARxg/7MDZEAANMccaWjIoBUIRHchLldwx9VnqQCLcBGAs/s1600/28618817_174396786531242_5797395826227872765_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1500" height="266" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-blZn9991DhY/WqXtMT7lSmI/AAAAAAAARxg/7MDZEAANMccaWjIoBUIRHchLldwx9VnqQCLcBGAs/s400/28618817_174396786531242_5797395826227872765_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And honorin' (at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier)...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nTuBUqoKnko/WqXtMwnRIVI/AAAAAAAARxo/xyOz50gusnsLXQDpOajVBsxHVxL9XrgUwCLcBGAs/s1600/28827142_174395959864658_4262598863761740959_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="918" data-original-width="1224" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nTuBUqoKnko/WqXtMwnRIVI/AAAAAAAARxo/xyOz50gusnsLXQDpOajVBsxHVxL9XrgUwCLcBGAs/s400/28827142_174395959864658_4262598863761740959_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And Supreme Courtin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ktaYCCsXE5A/WqXtNEijOLI/AAAAAAAARxs/PSfR2SXG3cwaX8VmZDfzYgybIBJcCrrRACLcBGAs/s1600/28947498_174395779864676_7804355201597133764_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1500" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ktaYCCsXE5A/WqXtNEijOLI/AAAAAAAARxs/PSfR2SXG3cwaX8VmZDfzYgybIBJcCrrRACLcBGAs/s400/28947498_174395779864676_7804355201597133764_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And Certifyin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-coXkALekhD4/WqXvfcIxjNI/AAAAAAAARyE/i1Nn_qbmHRon2edKwWmQJwy_8TW_uWXvgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1644.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-coXkALekhD4/WqXvfcIxjNI/AAAAAAAARyE/i1Nn_qbmHRon2edKwWmQJwy_8TW_uWXvgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1644.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and Accountin'...</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V_Vot8HgDWw/WqXvfH5GmnI/AAAAAAAARyA/Av1ubntkInIy7HCeS85exbDfA0v3RTppwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1646%2B%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V_Vot8HgDWw/WqXvfH5GmnI/AAAAAAAARyA/Av1ubntkInIy7HCeS85exbDfA0v3RTppwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1646%2B%25281%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nbJQRmQeroo/WqXvthpfswI/AAAAAAAARyI/iLRTS1bfoqAuVWp1YIfUdOtXSj0a9qJ6QCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1609.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nbJQRmQeroo/WqXvthpfswI/AAAAAAAARyI/iLRTS1bfoqAuVWp1YIfUdOtXSj0a9qJ6QCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1609.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And saxin'...</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9SOnzdtGHFs/WqXvwVyUNJI/AAAAAAAARyM/pFxtMjhWzwYA4MK3wS36FMKcjIix1OT7QCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1691.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9SOnzdtGHFs/WqXvwVyUNJI/AAAAAAAARyM/pFxtMjhWzwYA4MK3wS36FMKcjIix1OT7QCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1691.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-g7bxMqUp1hc/WqXv7tQypAI/AAAAAAAARyQ/h7Ta10TgIF8j_92zxUj9msX_yjea36gdQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-g7bxMqUp1hc/WqXv7tQypAI/AAAAAAAARyQ/h7Ta10TgIF8j_92zxUj9msX_yjea36gdQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1529.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And lookin' stylin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6cHqUtFuq54/WqXwV2Ur5NI/AAAAAAAARyc/59i4dO69p1s_Dm6uRERZ0j3efNiZeXUOgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1594.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6cHqUtFuq54/WqXwV2Ur5NI/AAAAAAAARyc/59i4dO69p1s_Dm6uRERZ0j3efNiZeXUOgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1594.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And model buildin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wtPbjCEB1rk/WqXwcG45QfI/AAAAAAAARyk/an4_UWjzPJc1VDcpA-S0PxipKQPoDxiMgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1656.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wtPbjCEB1rk/WqXwcG45QfI/AAAAAAAARyk/an4_UWjzPJc1VDcpA-S0PxipKQPoDxiMgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1656.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and pot luckin'...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KArXX7k2TLs/WqXwlK-M_8I/AAAAAAAARyo/t8ZL7Bh2UZcu75i6jIohFq0BEuMWgM7UwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0090.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="564" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KArXX7k2TLs/WqXwlK-M_8I/AAAAAAAARyo/t8ZL7Bh2UZcu75i6jIohFq0BEuMWgM7UwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0090.JPG" width="380" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And strugglin'.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm always honest here, there is no need to lie...it has been a hard month in some ways.&nbsp; We have had brains malfunctioning a considerable amount of time, reality hits hard once in awhile as acceptance and denial do a neat little tango in our home.&nbsp; All of us try hard, all of us fail regularly, and yet in the midst of it all we DO still have joy, we DO still smile often, we DO still have successes to point toward.&nbsp; Each and every one of us has learned new things this past month, and looking back at the photos it is no wonder I am personally exhausted!&nbsp; So much activity, so much grace offered on a daily basis, so much care when so much goes wrong.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It is real life, seldom perfect, often doubt filled, but always, always worth it.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-1811945692481936302018-02-11T16:23:00.001-07:002018-02-11T16:23:26.910-07:00Gap Fillers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UDAhtwoNZ6A/WoDKzuPq5tI/AAAAAAAARuU/YL9Ui5NhnVY2MImpJYdxX068THfVYf7JACLcBGAs/s1600/main-qimg-d5cbf18eea4b149f0a0653733567b084-c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="477" data-original-width="602" height="253" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UDAhtwoNZ6A/WoDKzuPq5tI/AAAAAAAARuU/YL9Ui5NhnVY2MImpJYdxX068THfVYf7JACLcBGAs/s320/main-qimg-d5cbf18eea4b149f0a0653733567b084-c.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />You know what I have discovered?&nbsp; Faith is a really, really difficult thing to hold on to. I am not just talking about faith in God, but faith in ourselves, faith in others, faith in the world.<br /><br />The past month has been a painful one for me, and it was all self-created.&nbsp; Oh, don't get me wrong, the realities that caused the pain are still very much alive and true...but the pain caused by doubt and as-yet-unfounded fears exacerbated things to a completely unnecessary degree.&nbsp; I am wise enough to see that and understand it, but may spend the remainder of my life trying to conquer it.<br /><br />You see, January roles around, and that is when I begin thinking about our next school year and what subjects we will cover, what curricula to search for, etc.&nbsp; &nbsp;Next year will be Kenny and Angela's senior years, Oleysa's junior year, and Joshua's sophomore year.&nbsp; Guess what?&nbsp; That "future" we used to talk about is nigh upon us, and it is scaring the bejeebers out of me.&nbsp; The reality is that Kenny will likely never be able to hold a traditional job,&nbsp; if any job at all, despite his very obvious intelligence.&nbsp; Angela will absolutely be able to, but will she and Olesya be able to work at jobs that will pay enough for independence and self-sufficiency?&nbsp;<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-itZBFuvM6Ic/WoDHPD8aspI/AAAAAAAARuQ/qKliUZutLY8KLzmnfPCE-EvJFrZ-LGjpwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-itZBFuvM6Ic/WoDHPD8aspI/AAAAAAAARuQ/qKliUZutLY8KLzmnfPCE-EvJFrZ-LGjpwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1432.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">These two are the kindest people I have ever met.</div><br /><br />Angela has a direction, and Kenny has many interests, but how in the world do I help them parlay that into meaningful work?&nbsp; Will Angela be able to earn enough in a career that is notoriously low paying?&nbsp; Can she handle the academics of what it will take to step to the next level of pay?&nbsp; Kenny will never drive, and any sort of life he has will be facilitated by me.&nbsp; What, exactly, do the next few years look like for him post-graduation?&nbsp; How do we craft a fulfilling path for him? Can I manage to keep life fulfilling for him, and also find space for me, too?&nbsp; Then Olesya is on the tail of that, with gifts...and challenges...galore.&nbsp; How can I help her live into who she can be and avoid directions that don't require things she can not offer?&nbsp;<br /><br />Being a homeschooling mom is an enormous job under any circumstances, being one under THESE circumstances requires a level of giftedness I just don't have.&nbsp; I am not a trained career counselor, special education guidance director, or specialist of any sort.&nbsp; I am a mom who is passionately advocating for her kids, who believes in them and just KNOWS there is something out there for each of them...but is doubting I can help them get there.<br /><br />Trust me, the weight is overwhelming some nights.&nbsp; Awake in bed, my mind swirls with questions about how to financially provide for Kenny after we are gone, how to gently guide and steer, how to explore options.&nbsp; There are few experts in the US on their disability, and most people they encounter don't see it.&nbsp; It is why Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder is called "the invisible disability". This may change in time as the US catches up with Canada in research, diagnosing, and understanding.&nbsp; In fact, a <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/06/health/pregnancy-drinking-fetal-alcohol.html?smid=fb-share" target="_blank">NY Times article this week </a>explains a lot about our how prevalent and undiagnosed this is.&nbsp; &nbsp;They look and act in many ways as competent as everyone else, and in some ways they are.&nbsp;<br /><br />But in so many ways, life is different for them.<br /><br />Some of our kids struggle with possibilities and limitations that are very real.&nbsp; Kenny and Angie will not be like Matt, nor like I assume Josh will be.&nbsp; Neither will Olesya.&nbsp; They can't come to me with a list prepared of things to look into, directions to take, courses to study.&nbsp; They simply can't think that way, and they need me to do it for them.&nbsp; They CAN accomplish far more than might otherwise happen if they have that sort of support, and by gosh, they are going to get it even if I literally have to go to school with them and re-explain every lecture in ways they can understand!&nbsp; They are all three so bright, so positive and hard working.&nbsp; They have talents and dreams and ambition, it just needs to be helped to be lived into.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mRDU1ehC-XY/WoDHOB3pgoI/AAAAAAAARuQ/g8Tm_0hkcTov0E7JLKsZOY_VMq1Ns6lVwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1410%2B%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mRDU1ehC-XY/WoDHOB3pgoI/AAAAAAAARuQ/g8Tm_0hkcTov0E7JLKsZOY_VMq1Ns6lVwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1410%2B%25281%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />It terrifies me to think I will fail them, that I won't do my job well enough to help them step into the world confidently, independently (as much as they can be), and joyfully.&nbsp; I can fail at things that are about me, but THIS?&nbsp; No...I can not fail them, I just can't.<br /><br />Aaaaannnddd...there is where I actually HAVE failed, and where that lack of faith comes in.&nbsp; Just when you have convinced yourself you are all alone in something, that you are incapable and incompetent, God shows up in the form of all sorts of other people.<br /><br />This past week the girls had an extraordinarily beautiful experience with a woman from church who pulled them in close and offered her expertise as a seamstress and overall classy woman.&nbsp; She has grown daughters who had prom style dresses she wanted to share with the girls, and so they spent an evening in her care.&nbsp; She offered them so much that I can't...affirmation from someone other than their mom of their beauty, how to dress well, and she helped them see how alterations can completely change a look.&nbsp; Also, I am not exactly known for my style and grace, and never will be.&nbsp; More importantly, our girls never had the chance to play "dress up" and Christy couldn't have really known that, but God used her to provide an opportunity to do exactly that.&nbsp; I couldn't offer them this organically very easily.&nbsp; &nbsp;I can not create a situation for the girls to have such an experience and have it not feel false.&nbsp; This was natural, it was lovely, and it came along at just the right time as Angie is anticipating attending her first dance.&nbsp; Christy had no idea that when I drove away, leaving the girls in her care for an hour while I attended choir practice, that I was in tears, knowing God had just wrapped up Olesya and Angela in loving arms.&nbsp; Were they my arms?&nbsp; Nope, but that doesn't matter at all...there is always, always room for more love.&nbsp; Love expands us all, it doesn't contract.<br /><br />I let faith slip away.&nbsp; I forgot in the way we humans tend to forget that we don't always have to "make" things happen, that God has this subtle way of sneaking in and meeting our every need, even the needs we aren't considering in any given moment.<br /><br />This past weekend I shared photos on Facebook of another way in which God is meeting needs in our family in ways I can't.&nbsp; Sometimes I just shake my head at my own ignorance and arrogance.&nbsp; How could I ever think that somehow I even COULD fix it all, do it all, be it all?&nbsp; Kenny has needed a rite of passage into manhood desperately, and his disability will deny him that in some of the more traditional ways.&nbsp; He has needed a community all his own, a place where his own passions and interests can be explored and expanded upon.&nbsp; At 19 years old, and without the regular markers of adulthood, his installation into the Shriner's (Part of the Masonic Lodge that raises money and supports children's hospitals all over the US) was precisely what was needed. It was at a well attended banquet, in a room filled with elders, that Kenny was welcomed to the brotherhood as an equal.&nbsp; Dominick and I couldn't have been prouder, and from the grins on their faces, his siblings who he so proudly introduced also couldn't have been happier for him.&nbsp; They, of all people, knew what this meant to Kenny.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M--7NaDVH1M/WoDGp9xx0AI/AAAAAAAARtk/FZW9iOglSnkE-Pwq6xgQRke5bdnqhP2XgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1383.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M--7NaDVH1M/WoDGp9xx0AI/AAAAAAAARtk/FZW9iOglSnkE-Pwq6xgQRke5bdnqhP2XgCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1383.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_ICTcqtMl5s/WoDGp6ehPxI/AAAAAAAARtk/gd7EgCrtfKMC1uXEpGE7PUVKZWbnyPbvgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_0069.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_ICTcqtMl5s/WoDGp6ehPxI/AAAAAAAARtk/gd7EgCrtfKMC1uXEpGE7PUVKZWbnyPbvgCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_0069.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />There he stood, beaming broadly, so proud to finally have earned the right to don his fez after over a year of hard work moving up in the Masons.&nbsp; Two years ago when he entered one of America's earliest Lodges at Lexington and Concord during their Open House, I saw a spark that needed to be fanned.&nbsp; It tapped his deepest interests of history and theology, along with his gifts of public speaking and service.&nbsp; How happy we all were to see him installed!!&nbsp; Again, I couldn't have created this for him, I couldn't "make" it happen authentically.&nbsp; There are needs I just can't meet.<br /><br />But others can.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lVsCW1K-KsE/WoDHNJrg0yI/AAAAAAAARts/4eqggKBg6rYP4WG21iu-q2jHZf67rs43gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1388.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lVsCW1K-KsE/WoDHNJrg0yI/AAAAAAAARts/4eqggKBg6rYP4WG21iu-q2jHZf67rs43gCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1388.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MxzC6Zeis3E/WoDHOl6GwTI/AAAAAAAARt8/sSUZpzvPr487hMSrByMI-0NIm4aHBxoygCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1428.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MxzC6Zeis3E/WoDHOl6GwTI/AAAAAAAARt8/sSUZpzvPr487hMSrByMI-0NIm4aHBxoygCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1428.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8cEP3UB6Z24/WoDGpyk4RJI/AAAAAAAARtQ/PRNqYR-FSrECSaWGqgh8OscTUyI468nEwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1401.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8cEP3UB6Z24/WoDGpyk4RJI/AAAAAAAARtQ/PRNqYR-FSrECSaWGqgh8OscTUyI468nEwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1401.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br />At church the next morning after the installation, this idea that others will always be walking alongside us was reiterated when Kenny wore his fez to church, sitting so proudly with it as others offered hearty congratulations and admired it.&nbsp; They could have snickered at this fez-topped young man, could have ignored it, could have rolled their eyes.&nbsp; I mean, I get it, being a Shriner and perhaps literally a Shriner clown at some point isn't exactly many people's idea of "cool".&nbsp; Instead they lovingly came around him and celebrated with him, recognizing how important this moment was, and acknowledging it as an adult accomplishment.&nbsp;<br /><br />Oh how this kid needed this!&nbsp; A couple of years ago, Dominick and I were both deeply concerned about the state of his mind and heart.&nbsp; We were worried he would never really find his place in the world, never feel he had a purpose.&nbsp; His growing understanding of his disability was heartbreaking to witness and walk through with him.&nbsp; He ached with grief and loss, quietly expressed.&nbsp; He gave up, in some ways.<br /><br />And, yet again, God sneaked up and brought a true sense of wholeness and possibility, using others to value what Kenny has to offer which is something that coming from mom alone just isn't heard in the same way.<br /><br />Am I reassured now?&nbsp; Will I sleep better at night and let go of the worry?&nbsp; Oh, probably not! Hahaha!&nbsp; Let's face it, faith is hard in all its forms.&nbsp; Trust in others, trust in right timing, trust in opportunities presented, all of it requires more than on some days I can believe in.&nbsp;<br /><br />But there are those moments when I have this flash of what God's Kingdom is really like. There are flickers of comprehension that are often doused (usually unwittingly by me),&nbsp; but others come along with a new match and light that wick again, as they hold my hand and remind me I am not alone.&nbsp; They may not even be able to offer any real assistance other than that hand holding, but on some days, that is truly enough.<br /><br />I will eventually get it through my thick head that my gaps in ability allow others space to enter in to shine and offer their gifts.&nbsp; Silly me, how could I think it as even possible for me to meet anyone's every need?&nbsp;<br /><br />And maybe, just maybe, once in awhile God uses me to fill in someone else's gaps, too.&nbsp; How I hope that is true.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ThB-wx5t6eQ/WoDOjCffCaI/AAAAAAAARug/BqTqNjD1U64PssI1lHuZB0C1LHTyQqaqgCLcBGAs/s1600/weakness-and-strength.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1181" data-original-width="1181" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ThB-wx5t6eQ/WoDOjCffCaI/AAAAAAAARug/BqTqNjD1U64PssI1lHuZB0C1LHTyQqaqgCLcBGAs/s400/weakness-and-strength.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-49763413125694898662018-01-23T23:46:00.001-07:002018-01-23T23:46:13.970-07:00The Great Need<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tCeEr2DPvHg/Wmgro-oVAjI/AAAAAAAARsY/JVcxJzNBqa0810Mp8CYbNxgU7ifIVxauACLcBGAs/s1600/11374159_1461637494140058_2021569542_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tCeEr2DPvHg/Wmgro-oVAjI/AAAAAAAARsY/JVcxJzNBqa0810Mp8CYbNxgU7ifIVxauACLcBGAs/s400/11374159_1461637494140058_2021569542_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">A GREAT NEED</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Out&nbsp;</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of a great need</div><div style="text-align: center;">We are all holding hands</div><div style="text-align: center;">And climbing.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Not loving is letting go.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Listen,</div><div style="text-align: center;">The terrain around here</div><div style="text-align: center;">Is</div><div style="text-align: center;">Far too</div><div style="text-align: center;">Dangerous</div><div style="text-align: center;">For&nbsp;</div><div style="text-align: center;">That.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">- Hafiz</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">For school we are all reading the poetry of Hafiz in his great work, The Gift, as a </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OOitZ3IzI8E/WmgpCyV5ZzI/AAAAAAAARsE/DHomSpKzIsg7JA0vhJTHhvVoTD9bBfJ2gCLcBGAs/s1600/72910.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="301" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OOitZ3IzI8E/WmgpCyV5ZzI/AAAAAAAARsE/DHomSpKzIsg7JA0vhJTHhvVoTD9bBfJ2gCLcBGAs/s200/72910.jpg" width="126" /></a></div>spiritual practice as well as a way of more deeply exploring metaphor and symbolism.&nbsp; Last year we spent the entire year working through the Tao Te Ching, and it was an extraordinarily powerful experience for us all.&nbsp; Several of us felt we gained a new insight into the Spirit and God's very presence in our lives.&nbsp; I know many Christians eschew the practice of reading other sacred writings, but we enjoy doing so and we see how God can be found throughout the world's great spiritual texts, and I find my relationship with God deepens as I view the spirit through the lens of others.<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The poetry of Hafiz is, dare I say, one of the sweetest invitations to be fully present to God that I have ever read.&nbsp; In page upon page we find the very nature of a God we can't ever truly pin done revealed to us.&nbsp; I was struck though, quite deeply, by this particular poem we read today which I shared above.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Our former Pastor offered a theological nugget that will stick with me always, and that is that sin is, at its core, a failure in love.&nbsp; The imagery of this poem above speaks to this boldly, as we can imagine a group of people struggling through life, facing the challenges and heartbreaks of a life lived engaged in the world, and yet being able to continue on because they are tightly gripping the hands of those who pull them forward when they simply can't take another step.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh, how we have been blessed to have hands reaching out to us throughout our lives!&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">A couple of Sundays ago, I made a bit of a fool of myself as I rose to thank our new church congregation for embracing our family so fully.&nbsp; It was the year anniversary of our first time attending, and it was my heart's desire to share with them what their welcome and openness had meant to us.&nbsp; Within moments, tears started to fall, and I wished that perhaps I had kept sitting in silence.&nbsp; We arrived at the church doors last January not knowing if we would ever find what we were seeking, but understanding keenly that what we had was no longer a fit for us.&nbsp; Sometimes, that just happens in life; there is no blow up, there is no anger, there is just a yearning for something different because you have changed.&nbsp; Sometimes we are meant to be in a certain place for a season, rather than a lifetime...whether we like it or not.&nbsp; We didn't like it, but we knew it to be true for us.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So there I stood, hardly able to speak, choking out words that may or may not have made any sense at all.&nbsp; All I could hope was that the sentiments were understood, that our appreciation for all they had offered us, both individually and collectively, would be something they could grab hold of even if haltingly offered.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Walking back to my pew, a new friend stood up and with tears in her eyes grabbed me and held me close...and didn't let go.&nbsp; Whether due to my need or hers, it matters not.&nbsp; There was a recognition in that vulnerable moment of mine that <i>we all need one another, and we need to hang on tightly.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PmHFeirXLLM/Wmgp4By7vWI/AAAAAAAARsM/1wgj0ImaZ8EtI1IrAAzv4nqFvZbtPW4zgCLcBGAs/s1600/clasped-hands-comfort-hands-people-45842.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1600" height="160" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PmHFeirXLLM/Wmgp4By7vWI/AAAAAAAARsM/1wgj0ImaZ8EtI1IrAAzv4nqFvZbtPW4zgCLcBGAs/s200/clasped-hands-comfort-hands-people-45842.jpeg" width="200" /></a>Our family has learned this in the trenches, as emotional missiles have flown overhead, sometimes exploding right in our foxhole.&nbsp; We grab hold of one another, we duck for cover, using our own bodies to protect each other from the sting of shrapnel and emotional fallout that our previous lives created. We hold hands desperately, tightly, sweaty palms gripping sweaty palms until the terror passes, quiet descends, and we look one another straight in the eye and say, "We made it through another one!"&nbsp; The grip grows ever tighter with each subsequent unexpected fusillade.&nbsp; Though fewer and farther between, the war still rages from time to time against the barrage of emotions that arise from lives previously lived outside this family, from neglect, from being as alone in the world as one can ever be.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">We are stronger for it, without question, but we need more hands to hold.&nbsp; We are not done growing...oh, I doubt we ever will be, for we are Team LaJoy and growth and exploration are our middle name!&nbsp; Sometimes though, we become weary from exhaustion.&nbsp; Our laughter and great joy is genuine, but it comes at quite a cost as well.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Being vulnerable on a daily basis is hard, hard work, and doing it alone is impossible. As Hafiz, in his great wisdom, says above, "The terrain is far too dangerous for that."&nbsp; We need to hold on to one another's hands with a mighty force, and never let go.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">We <i>all</i>&nbsp;need one another.&nbsp; As each LaJoy reaches outside our family in numerous ways, each of us unique in our approach and interaction with the world around us, we do know one thing for sure...we must not let go, we must reach for others who need help for their own climb, for the ascent alone can feel treacherous and </div>impossible.&nbsp; We have grabbed hold of outstretched hands straining to help us many times, but we must also look behind us and gaze downhill to see the next person who needs an outstretched hand, grab hold of it, and pull them toward us.<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">There is a Great Need, indeed, and that need is active, participatory love.&nbsp; We can't stand on the sidelines and cheer passively.&nbsp; We can't just talk about it, we need to "do love".&nbsp; The terrain is far too dangerous for ANY of us to let go of one another.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-8045095972350308142018-01-09T09:09:00.001-07:002018-01-09T09:18:02.907-07:00The Great Documentary Adventure Becomes Much More<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LvqLEQXd6Sk/WlTm_LySj_I/AAAAAAAARqE/NuNs7VUX1vYwiJ_cajVrY7XLJcnmk2oRwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1130.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1513" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LvqLEQXd6Sk/WlTm_LySj_I/AAAAAAAARqE/NuNs7VUX1vYwiJ_cajVrY7XLJcnmk2oRwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1130.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />Sitting at my friend’s kitchen table on a frigid Tuesday morning, I am trying to find the words to put the past couple of days into perspective. &nbsp;A week ago, Joshua and I left a relatively balmy 54 degrees in Western Colorado to head east on what we are dubbing his Great Documentary Adventure. &nbsp;Having just turned 15, Josh is straddling that vast gulf between boyhood and manhood, as he looks and sounds more adult with each passing day. &nbsp;You would have to look quite hard to find a more mature, responsible, kind young man and I had been keeping my eyes open for the opportunity to challenge him, and perhaps have some special one on one time with him as I have managed to have with each of the others, albeit often it has been for medical issues.<br /><br />He is taking a film making class this year as his elective, and we were recently talking about the fact that he needed a “real” subject to sink his teeth into, not just a phony one made up for an assignment. We were brainstorming on a long car drive together, just throwing out ideas but not really hitting on anything that felt “meaty” enough When I casually said, “You know what would be a real story to tell? &nbsp;Candi’s church and the tornado, and how it has impacted her congregation.” &nbsp;Josh’s head whipped around to stare at me, and he said, “Oh man, that would be an awesome story! &nbsp;There is so much there to tell! &nbsp;But, it is too far away...” and his voice drifted off.<br /><br />I looked at him, and in usual LaJoy style simply said, “So what? &nbsp;We have free miles and a place to stay...what do you think? &nbsp;Why NOT think big? &nbsp;I’m game if you are!” &nbsp;The twinkle in his eye told me something and upon arriving home I immediately approached Dominick with the idea, who was all for it. &nbsp;I explained to him that Josh really wasn’t close to being ready, that the “finished product” would certainly be the “rookiest” one could imagine, but that I felt Josh’s giftedness was screaming out to be tested on something extraordinarily difficult all on his own for the first time, and to know we felt he could do it. &nbsp;Yes, he has only had 3 months of a course. &nbsp;No, he really has no clue at all what he is taking on (Hahaha...better not to know, right?). &nbsp;But the truth is, sometimes you just have to leap and my gut has been telling me for awhile that Josh needed something all his own, something to point to later to say, “See? &nbsp;I did a really hard thing, and I succeeded, I can do many more hard things because I know I did it once.” <br /><br />So, calls were made, Candi (who is the pastor of this church) discussed it with her congregation who were all for it, and flights were immediately booked! &nbsp;What I didn’t realize when this idea first popped for us, was that we were not traveling for a school project. &nbsp;Instead, we were taking a pilgrimage...a far larger step toward adulthood and an encounter with God in ways I couldn’t have ever anticipated.<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cz67oIy0Ops/WlTm4VnLizI/AAAAAAAARp4/W_y0duMhJAA3JAGuMyxB6dhGtKDc2QaLwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1111.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cz67oIy0Ops/WlTm4VnLizI/AAAAAAAARp4/W_y0duMhJAA3JAGuMyxB6dhGtKDc2QaLwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1111.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ready to head to the airport</td></tr></tbody></table><br />This project is not as much about filmmaking as it is about gaining other skills. &nbsp;In order to pull this all together, Josh took a literal online “Crash Course in Documentary Filmmaking” over 7 days, in addition to his other coursework. &nbsp;He then had to do the following: &nbsp;Carefully shop for needed equipment and find the very lowest cost items that still met the minimum needs for the project, plan shots, create interview lists and a long list of possible questions for those interviews. &nbsp;He had to bring in skills practiced in his creative writing course this year and consider story arc, major dramatic questions, narration, what to include and what moves the story along, as well as creating a main theme. &nbsp;There are interpersonal skills to practice including interviewing, dealing with adults of all ages, working on EQ skills we have taught throughout his school career with being aware of where another’s heart is and meeting them where they are at as he interviews. &nbsp;From a business perspective there are costs to consider, meeting his “customer’s” needs (his customer is the church, we are pretending they contracted with him to tell their story), staying on schedule, and much more. &nbsp;The technical aspects of filmmaking are being tackled for the very first time as he considers lenses to use, mic placement, shot angle, how to keep his viewer engaged and understanding his story, etc. &nbsp;Then there will be the post-production work of editing hours and hours of footage, adding in accompanying music, etc. &nbsp;Of course, he knew none of that at the moment :-). Yes, we are a little nuts!<br /><br />But you know what? &nbsp;I believe in him. &nbsp;I know he can do Big Things, and now, he knows we trust in that because we invested time and resources into this.<br /><br />After having to leave a day early as we scrambled to beat a storm moving toward the East Coast, we spent the first couple of days in conversation with Candi doing deeper planning, as more of the story of this tiny congregation of about 25 was shared...how this 250 year old church was actually dealing with building issues for the fourth time with this tornado, how it had only been 3 years since they underwent a half million dollar renovation due to black mold and had met in the local school library for three long years, only to be hit by this freak tornado that struck in February of last year. &nbsp;The fact that so many members are in their 80’s and have been associated with the church for most of their lives also is an important piece of this story, as is the fact that many New England congregations are saddled with buildings designed for congregations far larger than currently worship there, and many are closing their doors because they simply can’t make it any longer. &nbsp;Josh’s self-selected theme is “Is the church the building, or its people?”, and it is a good one to be explored.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uBOPf_nQEcI/WlTm3qPXAhI/AAAAAAAARp0/AvDDDVfUw9wY-XOFTic3KnEpOCALCA36gCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1122.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uBOPf_nQEcI/WlTm3qPXAhI/AAAAAAAARp0/AvDDDVfUw9wY-XOFTic3KnEpOCALCA36gCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1122.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EwCWSLt3mRA/WlTm2cxEF_I/AAAAAAAARpw/yhEjeCszFu09OLqZoUzgJGoBJeIxY_mFACEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1120.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EwCWSLt3mRA/WlTm2cxEF_I/AAAAAAAARpw/yhEjeCszFu09OLqZoUzgJGoBJeIxY_mFACEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1120.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_fwjWCe5l2o/WlTm84AB4jI/AAAAAAAARp8/uu725ZRs7Do4nxriFERaNRO3NZw1COeaACEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_fwjWCe5l2o/WlTm84AB4jI/AAAAAAAARp8/uu725ZRs7Do4nxriFERaNRO3NZw1COeaACEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1127.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><br />Having planned as much as possible with precisely 3 months of classes under his belt (We really are nuts, aren’t we?) off we went! &nbsp;Day one was Sunday worship in the local elementary school library, back where they were three years ago. &nbsp;Josh set up and filmed from a couple of angles, singing hymns as he carried his tripod around. &nbsp;It was clear he was a bit uncertain as he worked, learning how best to set up equipment, how to be unobtrusive and yet still get the footage he knew he would need. &nbsp;His usual quiet confidence was not quite as evident, and he had his first “real” interview with an adult he had never really spoken to right after the service. &nbsp;He had interviewed Candi’s son and daughter the day before, testing the waters, learning how to set up, etc. but this was “for real” and he was a little nervous. &nbsp;He also interviewed two younger children in the congregation that morning as well. <br /><br />And things became really “real” when this first adult struggled to keep tears at bay as she shared about her beloved church.&nbsp; It would have been an uncomfortable situation for any teen boy to work with, but Josh was fine and knew that also meant from the very beginning he would have footage that might touch others.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O4ybuhkPANo/WlTnWiriphI/AAAAAAAARqw/4o9ycbrDfUQzWVtEHBeiqipFNLr7twPGACEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1206.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O4ybuhkPANo/WlTnWiriphI/AAAAAAAARqw/4o9ycbrDfUQzWVtEHBeiqipFNLr7twPGACEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1206.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RiM5TBhfUeA/WlTnGM74AsI/AAAAAAAARq8/_qvdFO9bYmINrADeGfd9pUgAeovSpjgSQCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RiM5TBhfUeA/WlTnGM74AsI/AAAAAAAARq8/_qvdFO9bYmINrADeGfd9pUgAeovSpjgSQCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1144.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><br />From there, we moved on to the church itself, barricaded behind chain link gates. &nbsp;We had to dig our way through a couple of feet of snow just to get into the building, all three of us traipsing around in the -15 degree weather. The beautiful sunlit afternoon was perfect for shooting, and we knew we might not get another sunny day to film in and waiting for a warmer day wasn’t a good option, so we pressed on. &nbsp;We scoped out the building and then Josh broke out his equipment with numb hands, gloveless, and began to film. &nbsp;It was there that I began to see a hint of gift, as he worked and was able to “see” shots that would work well. &nbsp;He has taken two photography courses already, one taught by myself and one outside course, and so he has a good understanding of using light, exposure, and composition. &nbsp;I could see that knowledge being put to work as he carefully considered where to shoot from, and how to tell the story of this grand old building and pay it the respect it deserved. &nbsp;Of course, we offered a few thoughts, but this really is fully Josh’s project, and after I made a couple of suggestions, I backed off, and have pretty much done so the entire time here. &nbsp;I want him to have a finished product he can look at and feel total ownership over, and yet I realize a project of this magnitude is well beyond the ability of a 15 year old to totally grasp without a bit of support and guidance. &nbsp;However, I am trying to guide, not “tell”, and to suggest, not direct. <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ytQwSaJyDTc/WlTnCVhE4CI/AAAAAAAARqI/7vKLKC8ZTrwHr2mCsCaMdt6ezm5eOEEhwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1146.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ytQwSaJyDTc/WlTnCVhE4CI/AAAAAAAARqI/7vKLKC8ZTrwHr2mCsCaMdt6ezm5eOEEhwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1146.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Oo5PwvUtbhA/WlTnFIngsbI/AAAAAAAARq4/VamhucEGIfY--0KpaEOE0HT6bCAy0oNAACEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1152.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Oo5PwvUtbhA/WlTnFIngsbI/AAAAAAAARq4/VamhucEGIfY--0KpaEOE0HT6bCAy0oNAACEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1152.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BXgfxJM6rgQ/WlTnHc9LT8I/AAAAAAAARrA/jkb-NdrO9FkEJ91UZvEOV70RX4F1NOKbQCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1155.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BXgfxJM6rgQ/WlTnHc9LT8I/AAAAAAAARrA/jkb-NdrO9FkEJ91UZvEOV70RX4F1NOKbQCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1155.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fX_HidVamyM/WlTnJ5MpVQI/AAAAAAAARrE/IeJ16y9KI9kIydErwbFrnXBG5my-y_pUwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1157.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fX_HidVamyM/WlTnJ5MpVQI/AAAAAAAARrE/IeJ16y9KI9kIydErwbFrnXBG5my-y_pUwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1157.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iSHN5QXe49c/WlTnMOPDvxI/AAAAAAAARrI/Ng3zyY6upq0ShPSljM7cO7MpK7CFWU_mgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1170.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iSHN5QXe49c/WlTnMOPDvxI/AAAAAAAARrI/Ng3zyY6upq0ShPSljM7cO7MpK7CFWU_mgCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1170.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qlontONnSsg/WlTnOXhh6ZI/AAAAAAAARrM/x-zQY3ZONyoRCe8mLX1vRxyjUfV0vXLNwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1183.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qlontONnSsg/WlTnOXhh6ZI/AAAAAAAARrM/x-zQY3ZONyoRCe8mLX1vRxyjUfV0vXLNwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1183.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sXPwIF9REB0/WlTnOu7X40I/AAAAAAAARrQ/Rym7a3DO6cIu2tluzBYJ-E2B9KNBxCysgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1185.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sXPwIF9REB0/WlTnOu7X40I/AAAAAAAARrQ/Rym7a3DO6cIu2tluzBYJ-E2B9KNBxCysgCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1185.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><br />Standing in the middle of the empty sanctuary, it was hard not to feel the grief and sorrow this congregation is feeling as I looked overhead at the afternoon sky visible through tell tale blue tarps covering gaping holds in the ceiling. &nbsp;Trusses have pulled away from bowing walls, the bell tower has pulled away from the building and the old bell has been removed and crated for possible later use. &nbsp;The enormous antique pipe organ has been removed and is not likely to be re-used, a relic from days gone by. &nbsp;Puddles were frozen on the carpet, the ice taking on the hues reflected from the stained glass windows. &nbsp;The scent of “building death” was in the air, of mustiness and neglect, so different from a mere year ago when our entire family worshiped in this place on Christmas Eve, and where Kenny had offered his very first sermon...the last regular Sunday morning sermon ever preached from that pulpit. <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-n_bEdWeESyQ/WlTnSbrBi7I/AAAAAAAARrY/VZBEbhkDdgwRzjWVRfcomXU0J0c4ziTtQCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1192.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-n_bEdWeESyQ/WlTnSbrBi7I/AAAAAAAARrY/VZBEbhkDdgwRzjWVRfcomXU0J0c4ziTtQCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1192.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dNLRbrlLZXI/WlTnTNUPWwI/AAAAAAAARqs/Q2HOCf3NTKI663b9QERf2oFPJ3eo86p1ACEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1198.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dNLRbrlLZXI/WlTnTNUPWwI/AAAAAAAARqs/Q2HOCf3NTKI663b9QERf2oFPJ3eo86p1ACEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1198.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />We left the building behind and headed off to interview #2, where Josh began to show a little more confidence as we sat in another room and overheard him question his interviewee. &nbsp;This is not a natural skill for him, and we were able to offer a couple of tips afterward to make it a little easier, but I was pleased to hear him try to “go off script” and attempt to be more natural. &nbsp;It isn’t an easy thing to learn, and these fumbling first steps have to be worked through as it does with learning any new skill. &nbsp;Our “adventure” continued as we attempted to leave their home, only to get stuck in a snow back in ever dropping temperatures and have to wait for AAA to come tow us out! &nbsp;We had to reschedule two more interviews and ended up calling it a night as we were cold, damp, and worn out.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9E900VppUMQ/WlTnXZbBHpI/AAAAAAAARq0/L2FACGF94sYHNhdHm8ot5HQyxtfIH80xwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_1218.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9E900VppUMQ/WlTnXZbBHpI/AAAAAAAARq0/L2FACGF94sYHNhdHm8ot5HQyxtfIH80xwCEwYBhgL/s400/IMG_1218.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />Ahhh...but little did I know the magic that awaited us on Day 2, and perhaps more of the reason for us to be here than I might have ever known had I not listened to that little whispering of the Spirit nudging me to make this happen.<br /><br />I had no idea that Josh was about to meet his 86 year old self in the face of his first interviewee of the day. &nbsp;Bill is a beautiful human being, inside and out, and I had not connected the dots of his own personal story that might speak to Josh.&nbsp; You see, Bill was a "state kid" who grew up in foster care, never to be adopted and aging out of the system to face the world on his own.&nbsp; He presents a strong, chivalrous "old school" style of manhood combined with a gentle kindness and openness with his emotions that is also unusual and appealing.&nbsp; He greeted us with a hearty smile and eager anticipation to share with Josh, and we left to head to attend the book group I lead each week via Skype.<br /><br />As I was involved in heart sharing with the small group of women from Candi's church, Josh was engaged in deep heart sharing of his own with Bill.&nbsp; Though he didn't immediately share much about his time with Bill, later in the day, likely after much processing, he started talking and it was obvious this had been a sacred experience for them both.&nbsp; Josh started by explaining that at first, this had simply been a great story to tell and a "cool project", but that after his time with Bill it became much more, in fact&nbsp; Candi and I both heard the shift in his voice and saw it in his body language.&nbsp; He said that Bill had been so open, and really poured his heart out about what the church means to him, and about his life in general.&nbsp; He said it brought the story to life in some ways, and that at one point during their time together, they both were in tears and that it moved from being an interview, to a deep and powerful conversation between two people.&nbsp; He learned about Bill's childhood and the challenges of his life, no doubt with Bill having no clue how the sharing might tie into Josh's own life story.&nbsp; Bill explained how he was brought back to the church after a years long absence when he encountered God in a new way and had made a promise that then involved him ever more deeply in the life of this church.&nbsp; Josh was clearly moved by his time with Bill, and he said they just hugged and hugged afterward, and that it really mattered.&nbsp; It also helped him to understand how this project is far more than a mere high school assignment, but that even at his tender young age of 15, he too can bring light and love, and the gift of listening to others...and that it really, really matters.<br /><br />From that moment on there was a new investment from Josh in this, almost as if he sensed he is part of something bigger than himself here.&nbsp; This is SO much more than I would have dared dream for him!&nbsp; He is understanding, intuitively, the healing power of sharing our stories.&nbsp; He is seeing first hand what it truly means to "be the church" despite extraordinarily difficult and depressing circumstances as he hears time and time again the commitment each person expresses to their congregation, their passion for their community and the desire to remain vitally involved and engaged in whatever was they can, regardless of age or lack of a building.&nbsp; He is finding male role models who are faith filled, gentle and expressive souls, yet also masculine and strong...much like he himself is.&nbsp; He is learning on an even deeper level something he already knew, and that is that age doesn't limit us from relationship or vigorous reaching out for life...our own attitudes do.<br /><br />I was looking for a "great adventure" for Josh, I wanted something special for our youngest who is so special in every way himself.&nbsp; I hoped for something that might help him reach toward his more adult self and help him gain confidence in who he is, not just what he can do.&nbsp; I wanted the chance for him to be the center of attention, not just "one of the kids", because often the very real needs each of our others has required more of me.&nbsp; I wanted his "special need" of giftedness to be put to the test and met in an unusual way, as truly those who are gifted are often not viewed as needing anything different, but trust me, they do.&nbsp; Parenting and educating two of them along with twice exceptional and truly learning disabled means the gifted part has often had to be pushed aside to take care of the more critical needs, leaving the giftedness unintentionally by the wayside sometimes.<br /><br />What I didn't dare think to ask for was something that would explain Josh to himself, to help him understand the power of his own story, and to help him move forward with confidence toward the extraordinary man I am certain he will become.&nbsp; I didn't approach this as much from a faith perspective as I did from an academic and emotional development place, but as always, the Spirit shines through, reaching out for us when we least expect it, offering us exactly what we need when we need it.&nbsp; And that has happened on both sides here, as I have watched the healing power of story telling, of being heard, of knowing someone else cares and is interested, even if it is only a 15 year old young man working on an unprofessional high school film project.&nbsp; I have watched God gently at work all over the place his week, and again I shake my head in wonder and amazement as I gain a little more understanding of the ways of the Spirit.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>The end product here really isn't a film, the end product here is healed hearts.&nbsp; That alone has made the trip a worthwhile venture.&nbsp; Anything else is just icing on the cake.<br /><br /><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-169227185919484402018-01-02T22:17:00.000-07:002018-01-02T22:17:45.436-07:00What Really Matters<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y9emceQBJik/WkxkoEU0uLI/AAAAAAAARpU/i8A8C7SFXQ0oX3J5M4BUKsQW03P8HOxPACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y9emceQBJik/WkxkoEU0uLI/AAAAAAAARpU/i8A8C7SFXQ0oX3J5M4BUKsQW03P8HOxPACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1101.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />Have you ever done something with your family, and then immediately realized it was going to become "a thing"?&nbsp; Our New Year's Eve tradition evolved from what I originally thought might be a one time event, but the kids decided it was going to be formally declared a Tradition with a capital "T".&nbsp; In fact, we even took our Tradition on the road with us last year, packing fondue pots to go along with us when we spent the holidays with our dear friends!&nbsp; This year, the plan was altered a bit, but ultimately it turned out precisely how the Spirit wanted it to be.<br /><br />As the new year approached, Olesya was sick and had been for days, and in fact is still fighting off a nasty cough.&nbsp; We also had plans to serve dinner on New Year's Eve to the homeless along with members of our former congregation, and at the last minute we decided to move our celebration to New Year's Day, which thrilled Josh as he then went to spend the night at his best friend's house and enjoyed their gathering, too.&nbsp; However, we all ended up helping to feed 47 people that night, and we all agreed it was a wonderful way to spend the evening if we weren't going to do our "usual" activities.&nbsp;<br /><br />I also think it was a strong reminder of how blessed our family is, but additionally, that there is far less separating us from others than we think there is.&nbsp; Truthfully, what separates us is our own reluctance to connect with others because we think they are so different than we are.&nbsp; I gave an older gentleman a hug after his third helping because he said that was the only other thing he could think of that he really and truly needed, and I thought about how every human being needs connection.&nbsp; The kids are all unafraid of being in these settings now, as we have done so regularly throughout their childhood, and their kindness towards others touches me, but it is their ability to "see" others and not judge that matters most.&nbsp; After all, they too were once "homeless" and "familyless", though few would look at them and realize this.&nbsp; Some of us have been spiritually homeless and familyless, too, and that also leads to an understanding of a different sort of poverty that isn't always as obvious with outward appearances.&nbsp; Relationship and being known is at the heart of our deepest longings as humans.<br /><br />New Year's Day we prepared everything for our evening Fondue Feast!&nbsp; We do it once a year only, and it makes for a lovely and leisurely way to spend time around the table together.&nbsp; This year was no exception and we all enjoyed it very much.&nbsp; Though this might seem like the "main course", so to speak, of our tradition, but in fact, it is merely the appetizer.<br /><br />The main course is what happens next, at the kids' insistence, and it is when we figuratively throw the doors wide open, and invite God to the table.&nbsp; Lights are lowered, candles are lit, and hearts are shared.<br /><br />One at a time, we spoke, being present to one another as we answered the questions, "How did you change and what did you learn in 2017?", and "What are your hopes for growth for 2018?"&nbsp; This is not a time for restating accomplishments or bragging about about achievements, this is more about <i>who we are&nbsp;</i>not what we do.<br /><br />This sacred place, this kitchen table of ours, looks nothing like an alter, nor is it surrounded by paraments or stained glass, but be that as it may, it is a Sanctuary in all the ways it can possibly be.&nbsp; That is due to the faithfulness of those who gather here, not just us, but friends throughout the years who have brought their own sacred selves to share with us, too, and our family has been changed for the better because of it.<br /><br />Three hours of quiet conversation ensued, as one by one, sons and daughters, mother and father all revealed what the past year had been like for them as they lit their own personal candle.&nbsp; Then, every family member spoke about what they had also seen in terms of growth and change for that person.&nbsp; It was as beautiful as can be, having each person lifted up one by one, encouraged to become ever more of their real selves, having their progress as people growing in character and courage lifted up before the entire family.&nbsp; Dreams for the future were acknowledged and affirmed.&nbsp; Our little geeky squad offered quotes repeatedly to make their points, from St. Augustine to Aristotle to Solzhenitsyn to FDR to Tolstoy (and no, they were not all offered by Matthew!)&nbsp; Over and over, authenticity and out of the box thinking was praised, as many declared that they grew in the ability to stop caring as much what others thought and live the life they felt called to live.&nbsp;<br /><br />One highlight was when Matt pointed out that he recalled two years ago our family having a heart to heart conversation with Olesya, and about how none of us felt we really knew her and how closed up she was.&nbsp; He praised how much she had grown in this area, and we all agreed that there was a new openness to her, and that not a single one of us could say that about her any longer!&nbsp; Such an impressive amount of work on prying open a heart that was long scared to put itself at risk.&nbsp; This is a family filled with overcoming in all sort of ways.<br /><br />We sipped on sparkling cider out of dollar store champagne classes, and time stood still.&nbsp; one by one, each candle was lit that joined our first candle signifying our family as a whole, and the light shined brighter and brighter.&nbsp; No one glanced at the clock, everyone was offered the gift of time to gather their thoughts and express them gently.&nbsp; It was powerful, it was meaningful, it was sacred in every sense of the word.<br /><br />This little family of ours...so different, so "weird" as declared by some, so counter cultural.&nbsp; We don't match in any way if one looks through eyes solely grounded in the world.&nbsp; Yet we match, oh man, do we match beautifully.&nbsp; There are connecting strands that tie each of us to one another.&nbsp; It has nothing to do with biology, or race, or nation of origin.&nbsp; It has to do with faith, heart and intellect.&nbsp; It has to do with choosing to love one another deeply, fervently, and forever.&nbsp;<br /><br />And we will do that in 2018, and beyond.&nbsp; We will each continue to grow steadily, to pursue interests, and to always, always offer love, both within our family, and to every person we encounter.<br /><br />We don't know how to be any other way...and that is what really matters.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U-RlTJdFRW8/Wkxm6ImOMZI/AAAAAAAARpg/bJAhe4i0YTsXsT6n4TIjJCQPTbLmQx-SACLcBGAs/s1600/tumblr_m6cfnyHH2O1rvvqeho1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="480" height="213" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U-RlTJdFRW8/Wkxm6ImOMZI/AAAAAAAARpg/bJAhe4i0YTsXsT6n4TIjJCQPTbLmQx-SACLcBGAs/s320/tumblr_m6cfnyHH2O1rvvqeho1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-23261105029684813672017-12-30T22:22:00.000-07:002017-12-30T22:22:04.836-07:00My Reverse Bucket List<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Yu5qZ0Bg2Y0/Wkhd4wGFM5I/AAAAAAAARok/Bv-Exmz5t_Ux90r8ROMJG1AblLDmGGnxQCLcBGAs/s1600/maxresdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Yu5qZ0Bg2Y0/Wkhd4wGFM5I/AAAAAAAARok/Bv-Exmz5t_Ux90r8ROMJG1AblLDmGGnxQCLcBGAs/s400/maxresdefault.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />As 2018 drifts toward us on warm and surprisingly gentle winds (believe me, no winter here in Western Colorado...shocking!), I can think of no better time to compile my "Reverse Bucket List".&nbsp; In researching for Blue Collar Homeschool I came across <a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/40497651/how-making-a-reverse-bucket-list-can-make-you-happier" target="_blank">this article</a> at Fast Company about Reverse Bucket Lists, and I had never heard of such a thing!&nbsp; I let the tab set open for two weeks on my laptop, pondering the idea each time, and realizing this was something I needed to do.&nbsp; You see, Bucket Lists are great, and I agree wholeheartedly that creating goals helps us achieve them.&nbsp; But sometimes, those goals become idols in our lives and can mock us as we fixate on all we have yet to do, rather than all we have accomplished or achieved.&nbsp; So the Reverse Bucket List lifts up all you have accomplished, it celebrates it, which helps move you from a sense of lack to a sense of abundance.<br /><br />I try to live walking in gratitude, though like all of us I fail miserably sometimes.&nbsp; This blog is the story of our family, sure, and it details ELEVEN years of our life together.&nbsp; Holy Moly!!&nbsp; But recently I realized what it really has been is my gratitude journal, and my personal sounding board.&nbsp; It is my altar where I lay my burdens, and it is my sanctuary where afterward I find peace.&nbsp; In my younger years I never would have imagined writing as much as I do now.&nbsp; It was not something I enjoyed at all, nor have I ever taken a writing course.&nbsp; Writing was not an aspiration, and of course, it isn't really any big thing that I do...there is no budding novel, no manuscript buried in a drawer.&nbsp; However, it <i>has</i>&nbsp;become a constant in my life, sort of a companion of mine.<br /><br />So this Reverse Bucket List idea stuck, and I will share it here with my companions (and my virtual companions as well!) I also found&nbsp;<a href="https://theartofbetter.com/2016/01/reverse-bucket-list-gratitude-boost/" target="_blank">this blog post</a> helpful as I considered exactly what a Reverse Bucket List might contain. I am sure it will be scintillating ::she says in a voice dripping with sarcasm::<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Cindy's Reverse Bucket List - 2017 - 51 Years Old</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u><br /></u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">1.&nbsp; Graduated high school - In my family and extended family this is a rare achievement.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sjwRwuWD7v4/WkhzUPE7MHI/AAAAAAAARo4/HReVa_HL4EMqh78LtYa1k-nNgff37NSAACLcBGAs/s1600/27d0cde20b228942934bcbb0a54a7902.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="236" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sjwRwuWD7v4/WkhzUPE7MHI/AAAAAAAARo4/HReVa_HL4EMqh78LtYa1k-nNgff37NSAACLcBGAs/s400/27d0cde20b228942934bcbb0a54a7902.jpg" width="323" /></a>2.&nbsp; I am sober and always have been - Again, a rare achievement in my family and though many might not find this to be celebratory, trust me, once you have had a front row seat to the destruction caused by addiction, you thank God daily that you didn't fall into that trap.&nbsp; Odds were against this for me, and I am incredibly grateful for living a sober life.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">3.&nbsp; Adoption - My teenage understanding of my life path was made a reality.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">4.&nbsp; Education - Despite not attending college, I consider myself to be well educated due to my own endeavors because I am curious about everything and read everything I can get my hands on.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">5.&nbsp; Happy Home and Marriage - Peace reigns, laughter lights up our lives, I could never have imagined how beautiful family life can be.&nbsp; Being married for 31 years to my high school sweetheart when everyone thought we were doomed is also something I am proud of.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">6.&nbsp; Faith Life - Pursued and developed a faith life that fits me perfectly, that feels authentic, and enriches my life immeasurably.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">7.&nbsp; Kindness - I am kind, pretty much all the time.&nbsp; When faced with uncomfortable situations or hostility is directed toward me, I am kind.&nbsp; That matters deeply to me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">8.&nbsp; Travel - Many of the sites I dreamed of visiting have been checked off my list!&nbsp; For someone who had never had a single vacation in my life until my honeymoon, this feels like really making something happen.&nbsp; I still have much I'd love to see, and maybe I will be blessed to be able to do so, but I am thrilled with all I have seen thus far, and never thought I'd really be able to.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">9.&nbsp; Teaching - When I was young and through my early high school years, I thought I was headed for a career teaching deaf children.&nbsp; I had taken sign language and enjoyed it, and that was my game plan.&nbsp; Life came along and sort of caused that plan to drift away.&nbsp; However, every single job I have been on, I have trained and taught others, and enjoyed that aspect of my work, regardless of what field I was working in.&nbsp; Homeschooling was not on my radar, and to put it bluntly was one of those, "Oh NO WAY!" sort of things...until we had few options.&nbsp; I learned, I grew, I gained skills, and I love it.&nbsp;</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I have homeschooled in one of the single most challenging, difficult, and&nbsp; unique circumstances that anyone could ever jump into with no experience, and the kids have flourished.&nbsp; I have taught two all the English they know, got Kenny reading fluently and at a definite high school graduate level when he wasn't reading at 12 years old, self-diagnosed and pursued an official diagnosis for every single disability the kids have that no one else could figure out.&nbsp; I have graduated one of our kids, and will graduate four more, with three who very seriously might have dropped out well before 12th grade if we hadn't made this choice because they would have been too far behind.&nbsp; Our kids are civic minded, politically savvy, well read in general for a standard high schooler, write decently, and will never get caught offering foolish answers on TV if stopped on the street and asked basic questions about American history or our government.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Most importantly, we did it together :-)&nbsp; We still love one another, perhaps even more so, despite how hard it all is!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">10. I have been a strong partner to Dominick as he started businesses.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">11.&nbsp; Say "Yes" regularly when I feel God has asked something of me, even when I vehemently disagree! Hahaha!&nbsp; I am unafraid to go against the grain, to make big changes even if they make no sense to others, and to live totally outside the box.&nbsp; I only hope there is much more in store for me to shake my head over and say "Yes" to!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">12.&nbsp; Silly things include:&nbsp; I have been a licensed pest control applicator, termite inspector, and agricultural pest control adviser.&nbsp; I have been a licensed insurance agent in property and casualty, and health/life.&nbsp; I have owned and managed a restaurant seasonally for five years.&nbsp; I have been an international customer service agent for a company that manufactured antibodies for medical research.&nbsp; I have am a lay minister.&nbsp; I have been a part-time janitor, newspaper distributor, drug store sales clerk, pharmacy tech, and self-taught bookkeeper.&nbsp; I have created blogs and facebook groups and crafted wooden puzzles for sale and been mentioned in Reader's Digest by name twice, been featured on Kiplinger's magazine for Matt's adoption, can make a "taco tongue" and "flip" a pile of quarters off my elbow into my cupped hand like a pro, played the clarinet from second grade through high school graduation, and was one of the first 100,000 users of America Online and I begged Dominick for us to buy stock in it as I saw the future of the internet there, but he declined, and I have never let him live that one down ;-)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It is funny how awkward this was to write, and yet I initially felt it was an interesting exercise in self-evaluation.&nbsp; I realized as I was writing that the very thing it was supposed to do...to make me grateful...was something I was struggling with.&nbsp; Why?&nbsp; Because looking at my List, there are none of the typical brag worthy accomplishments.&nbsp; No college to name, no GPA to post, no big name career or job to point toward. I even went back and added #12 because in looking at others' Lists, it seemed I had left out the sort of things most name.&nbsp; That was because I really don't have those things to share.&nbsp; In looking for examples I found lists like <a href="https://daringtolivefully.com/reverse-bucket-list" target="_blank">this</a>, and <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/reverse-bucket-list-amy-gaskins" target="_blank">this</a>.&nbsp; I am none of what they shared.<br /><br />Upon reflection, my Reverse Bucket List isn't about what I've done, but as I re-read it, I see it is more about who I am and what I value.&nbsp; To some, it might seem vague, to me much of it is all I ever dreamed of as a child.&nbsp; Now, some would look at this list and say those dreams were not very big, that I didn't have much to strive for so of course I accomplished it.<br /><br />That's OK, maybe they aren't big dreams, but when I look around me I see plenty of people for whom some of what I have is sadly far, far out of reach.&nbsp; I know I haven't set the world on fire, but maybe at the very least, I haven't started any fires that needed to be put out, either.&nbsp; And so as awkward as this process was, I learned one thing, and that was important...<br /><br />My Bucket runneth over, indeed.&nbsp;<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZzgFbbmB-bc/WkhzH6KBXtI/AAAAAAAARo0/pcKeTjn8lvgYXGPLH4PUgyMyA0YHjosWgCLcBGAs/s1600/overflowing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="783" data-original-width="1125" height="277" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZzgFbbmB-bc/WkhzH6KBXtI/AAAAAAAARo0/pcKeTjn8lvgYXGPLH4PUgyMyA0YHjosWgCLcBGAs/s400/overflowing.jpg" width="400" /></a></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-21663546564086674372017-12-28T23:20:00.001-07:002017-12-28T23:20:39.000-07:00First Acts and Third Acts<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U0qI5X8cuS0/WkXaHsjsRdI/AAAAAAAARn4/uZfcJkCnNXY0MxZPpcOlftIMoMEAfhUQACEwYBhgL/s1600/Say%2BYes%2BQuote%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="393" data-original-width="493" height="255" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U0qI5X8cuS0/WkXaHsjsRdI/AAAAAAAARn4/uZfcJkCnNXY0MxZPpcOlftIMoMEAfhUQACEwYBhgL/s320/Say%2BYes%2BQuote%2B1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I love Divine coincidences, don't you?&nbsp; A week ago, we had one such coincidence occur when we least expected it, but when we really needed it.&nbsp; As often happens, the location was completely lacking in glamour or drama, with the Walmart Produce Department providing the backdrop for an important conversation.&nbsp; Funny, Walmart really does seem to be Holy Ground for me sometimes, as I have had more than one occasion where God spoke loud and clear to me there.&nbsp; (OK, I also get that I probably spend half my life there, but whose counting??)<br /><br />It was there, among the busy aisles framed by displays of brightly colored oranges and apples that I ran into our old "resource consultant" from our time spent in the local public school/homeschool hybrid program which we left about four years ago.&nbsp; Amy was a huge support for us as we got our feet wet with homeschooling, and she understood better than most the enormous challenge we had before us when we first began.&nbsp; After exchanging great big hugs and bright smiles, I learned that Amy had left her position with the school district and had moved on to working in elder care in a town nearby, overseeing the Alzheimer's and Memory Care unit at a local nursing home.<br /><br />Jumping at the chance to gain a little guidance for Angela, I peppered Amy with questions, and she offered so many ideas for us, as well as reassurances that Angela could make a decent living in a variety of ways in elder care!&nbsp; Whipping out my cell phone, I pulled up training web sites she recommended, and obtained her current contact information.&nbsp; She offered to have Angie job shadow, and to share any resources she could think of whenever we were ready to move on things.<br /><br />The timing couldn't have been more perfect.<br /><br />It was only earlier that week that Angela and I had a discussion in the car as I was driving her to her volunteer visiting appointment.&nbsp; She was sharing about her heart for working with the elderly, and yet her fears that she would never be able to make a livable wage doing so.&nbsp; I was trying to encourage her, offering a few ideas about how she might work her way toward a better wage, but not being able to point directly toward how she would get herself in that position.&nbsp; I promised her I would do more research, and see what I could learn.<br /><br />And there was the answer right before me, smiling cheerfully and offering web sites and, more importantly, the reassurance I needed to be able to help Angela find her way.&nbsp; God knew precisely what was required in the moment, and presented it with the usual 2 x 4 I tend to need!<br /><br />What many may not understand is that for some of our kids, more help is needed to steer them toward their future.&nbsp; There are fears about being pushed out into the world too soon and losing their connection with their family, there are understandable concerns about being able to perform well in high enough paying jobs to be able to eventually be independent, there is also a lack of ability to do the work themselves to land in a career that is appropriate for them.&nbsp; It isn't a lack of desire, not&nbsp; by a long shot as every one of the five kids is a diligent soul and entirely responsible in every way.&nbsp; It is a lack of being able to easily make mental connections, to see that one thing can branch out into multiple opportunities.&nbsp; For our three adopted at older ages, Kenny, Angela and Olesya, there are some profound learning disabilities to overcome, memory issues that get in the way, and depending upon brain function on any given day there is an inability to think logically.&nbsp; This varies from day to day, and from young adult to young adult in terms of significance of delay, but it is absolutely there...and it can sometimes be overwhelming to them as they think about their futures.<br /><br />As we drove, Angela asked, "Mom, I really do think this is the direction I want my career to go in, but can I earn enough money?"<br /><br />"Sure you can, but you won't at first, and you absolutely must do more than be a CNA.&nbsp; That alone will not provide for you, but we will figure it out somehow." I replied<br /><br />There was silence as she thought, and then revealed, "Mom, I really don't even know how to start or where to start.&nbsp; I don't know what I would do without you, because I really don't know where to go from here.&nbsp; Like I don't even know what to look up."<br /><br />There was more hesitance, and then she asked, "Where do I even go for the CNA?" and I explained the next town over had a training program.<br /><br />Silence ensued, and I could not tell exactly what was going on for her until she shared, "But mom, how will I get there every day?" and I suddenly realized that she was recognizing she may not be driving by then, as we really aren't sure how long it might take for her to be comfortable and safe behind the wheel, as things are not "clicking" as well as we might have hoped.<br /><br />It was in that moment that I caught a brief glimpse of how scary the future is for our kids who struggle, yet have tremendous gifts.&nbsp; How do they move out into the world?&nbsp; How do they "make it happen" for themselves as it will never be as easy as it is for other kids?<br /><br />Truthfully, the answer is, "They don't make it happen for themselves.&nbsp; They don't have that ability."&nbsp; I immediately realized now was the time for me to lay it on the line clearly, as my own personal contemplation of my "third act" in life seem to be gradually gaining clarity.<br /><br />"Ang, you've got me, and I will get you to school every day, and I will research, and I will study alongside you if you need me to so I can re-explain things, and I will walk you through all of this as much as is necessary because that is my job.&nbsp; I love you, you really have a gift and I think it is clear this is the right path for you, and you feel it, too.&nbsp; So, we make it happen.&nbsp; I don't have all the answers yet, but I give you my word, I will do whatever it takes.&nbsp; The next steps of your life don't have to be scary and you won't be alone, I promise."<br /><br />"But mom, you need a life too!!"<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7POEJqdk_Pk/WkXbl6o_WcI/AAAAAAAARoA/iz5rYJtiMhgdTz8YsA8ZTJBMTWroANfEwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0927_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1594" data-original-width="1215" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7POEJqdk_Pk/WkXbl6o_WcI/AAAAAAAARoA/iz5rYJtiMhgdTz8YsA8ZTJBMTWroANfEwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0927_Fotor.jpg" width="303" /></a></div><br />"I think I am beginning to understand my future a little, too, Ang, and this appears to be what God created me to do!&nbsp; There is nothing more important I could ever do with my life than to be helping all of you as you&nbsp; move into your next phase.&nbsp; If some of you open businesses, there is a lot to learn and you will need more help, and I can offer that to get you started.&nbsp; I am going to be driving Kenny forever, and I want him to have a life of meaning and interaction with the world, so that is just going to be the way it is.&nbsp; I may be driving you a long time, and who knows with Olesya.&nbsp; I don't even really mind, as long as I can squeeze in time and projects here and there that are just for me.&nbsp; You all are amazing in how you encourage that so I can be my best, and I am going to do what I can to make sure you all are able to be your best.&nbsp; It is how our family was designed to be.&nbsp; I may not have ever anticipated this sort of involvement with my older kids, but I honestly don't resent it."<br /><br />Sitting next to me, she grinned, relief was evident.<br /><br />I added, "We are all a team. I am your partner, but you are mine, too, in so many ways.&nbsp; You help me all the time at home, and you help Dad, too."<br /><br />A few days later, I had an "official meeting" with Angela, and I shared some of the programs for online training that Amy had led me to, we talked about how we would craft a post-high school exploration year for her as well as begin training for her field.&nbsp; I explained I was formulating a plan where we would go visit various nursing homes, look at state requirements for running a small assisted living facility, look at various careers in elder care, read books on several related topics, and get her enrolled in several courses.&nbsp; Dominick and I also reassured her of something that was worrying her, and that was that she didn't have to start any of this until after her senior year next year, that there was no rush because we wanted her to have a really successful high school career.&nbsp; We understood that unlike other kids, her school work took her much longer to do and do to the level of excellence she demands of herself, and that multi-tasking was just not wise for her with her brain.<br /><br />The grin, oh that grin!&nbsp; She is suddenly far more excited about her future, it feels more concrete now, and she has at least a little sense of direction now.<br /><br />This wonderful daughter of ours is going to make a real difference in the lives of others.&nbsp; Will it be a prestigious career?&nbsp; No.&nbsp; Will it be enviable?&nbsp; Likely not by most.&nbsp; Will it be crucial for the lives she touches?&nbsp; Without question, yes.<br /><br /><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s0x9U8o25fo/WkXaH92YY-I/AAAAAAAARn0/s3LqIwfq5bMQWHjhCg1B74JXGmNzguJYwCLcBGAs/s1600/unexpected.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="384" data-original-width="640" height="120" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s0x9U8o25fo/WkXaH92YY-I/AAAAAAAARn0/s3LqIwfq5bMQWHjhCg1B74JXGmNzguJYwCLcBGAs/s200/unexpected.jpg" width="200" /></a>And my encounters with Angela are helping me shape my own future.&nbsp; I have had moments of concern as I think about two or three years down the road, what my life will be like as the kids slowly work me out of a job as they graduate...but also wondering if I will ever be fully out of a job with some of their needs.&nbsp; I had never imagined homeschooling, and never imagined 10+ years of my life spent <br />doing this, but I did always assume in the back of my mind that "after" I would strike out to do something new, maybe for the first time something of my own choosing rather than just "get a job, any job" because we needed the money.<br /><br />I have referred to the future as my anticipated "Third Act" of life, and I am slowing coming to grips with the fact that my Third Act may still be about others.&nbsp; And, as I stated above about Angela's possible career direction, my future "work" may not ever be prestigious, or enviable...but it may truly be crucial for the lives I touch.&nbsp; And it may not be many lives other than the lives that reside under my own roof.&nbsp;<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Od_tIoqVFLw/WkXcmbQW3dI/AAAAAAAARoQ/R8mPUUijaXYDlfgHbYeN8VWSd8SijilbgCLcBGAs/s1600/Screen-Shot-2017-04-14-at-13.28.40.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="668" data-original-width="944" height="282" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Od_tIoqVFLw/WkXcmbQW3dI/AAAAAAAARoQ/R8mPUUijaXYDlfgHbYeN8VWSd8SijilbgCLcBGAs/s400/Screen-Shot-2017-04-14-at-13.28.40.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />But one thing I have learned after all these years, is that if God is nudging me in a certain direction, I am always, always going to say "yes" regardless of whether that conflicts with my own imaginings for my life.&nbsp; Every single time I have said "yes", even when it seemed counter to all I thought I wanted, I have never been disappointed, and I have always come away with a sense of wonder at how beautifully things turn out.&nbsp; More than any other thing I can model for our kids, this one matters most.<br /><br />So, here we sit, looking tentatively forward toward budding First Acts and Third Acts, not knowing for certain how it will all play out, but convinced of one thing, and one thing only...we will say "yes", both of us, Angela and I.&nbsp; Divine Coincidence will also surely accompany that "yes", so we can rest assured we will be joined on the journey.<br /><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-70864566711382683502017-12-25T01:20:00.002-07:002017-12-25T01:20:48.845-07:00Belonging...The Best Gift of All<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am beginning the writing of this blog on the cusp of Christmas Day, 10 minutes before midnight on Christmas Eve.&nbsp; Sitting here as the house gradually eases into quiet slumber, I realize that this holiday seems to be highlighting a particular theme for me to reflect on.&nbsp; Now, when I share what that theme is, you might roll your eyes, or even laugh out loud, but it is taking on an entirely new meaning for me.<br /><br />The theme is "adoption".<br /><br />I know...I know...hasn't that pretty much the theme for the past 20 years of my life?<br /><br />Yes, it has been, but the shoe is now on the other foot.&nbsp; You see, in years past, I have been the "adopter", the one initiating the connection and affirmation of a relationship.&nbsp; I have been the one in pursuit of another, but rarely in my life have I ever viewed myself as the "adoptee".&nbsp;<br /><br />Even our tree is really a symbol of this theme in our family, as year after year ornaments were added as we waited for beloved children to come home, or celebrated their first Christmas with us.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bLW_33AXEKw/WkClCdK1SGI/AAAAAAAARlc/FDkLkjPR4G4Rjb10_fQAghAh286dqzqTgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0828.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bLW_33AXEKw/WkClCdK1SGI/AAAAAAAARlc/FDkLkjPR4G4Rjb10_fQAghAh286dqzqTgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0828.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uUf0L8-fCuc/WkClCOt3KbI/AAAAAAAARlU/jEWs9ezyNc4wz6A4MNcCHpoil1vJF54mQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0829.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uUf0L8-fCuc/WkClCOt3KbI/AAAAAAAARlU/jEWs9ezyNc4wz6A4MNcCHpoil1vJF54mQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0829.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jjMLXNIiESc/WkClCdbv0NI/AAAAAAAARlY/RQtukqFhpgY5qAY5jf4NVXWCbsczg4_CgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0831.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jjMLXNIiESc/WkClCdbv0NI/AAAAAAAARlY/RQtukqFhpgY5qAY5jf4NVXWCbsczg4_CgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0831.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-k1ZZ8-0cPIg/WkClEeze2BI/AAAAAAAARlg/1N9TNbHYp4oibAh5gk9cn0UuzDcudBRFwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0833.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-k1ZZ8-0cPIg/WkClEeze2BI/AAAAAAAARlg/1N9TNbHYp4oibAh5gk9cn0UuzDcudBRFwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0833.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KkdQTOcEuPI/WkClEqp-gsI/AAAAAAAARlk/x9asNukJpQQNJX5bC2oGM8UxqNQSSoxowCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0834.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KkdQTOcEuPI/WkClEqp-gsI/AAAAAAAARlk/x9asNukJpQQNJX5bC2oGM8UxqNQSSoxowCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0834.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I have spent 19 years growing as an adopter, learning how to slowly take down emotional walls that were sturdy and well built.&nbsp; I have become skilled at helping old wounds heal, and at guiding raw souls toward trust and connection.&nbsp; This role I know, it is familiar and comfortable.<br /><br />What is new is being on the other side.&nbsp; Being adopted by others, having them help me gradually rebuild trust, being guided toward healing and wholeness...all of this is new from this side of the fence!<br /><br />And yet, this is what God has done in my life the past couple of years.&nbsp;<br /><br />This evening, we had Christmas Eve dinner with "grandparents" who have adopted us, stuck by us, and gone out of their way a million times to support and help us.&nbsp; Jane and Steve are not blood related, but the pride they take in our kids couldn't be any stronger if they were.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7Nl-somRNgM/WkCo31ZQhAI/AAAAAAAARlo/nfaeVB3Y4hgr51PUNPTOZUIPZEde_Wq_gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0872.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7Nl-somRNgM/WkCo31ZQhAI/AAAAAAAARlo/nfaeVB3Y4hgr51PUNPTOZUIPZEde_Wq_gCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0872.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C9wJZ2nHY0I/WkCpdWmJc6I/AAAAAAAARls/VmI5iHfJiK0FGPsdlLYgB7Ir7Lqd_c9kQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0853%2B%25281%2529_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1175" data-original-width="1600" height="292" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C9wJZ2nHY0I/WkCpdWmJc6I/AAAAAAAARls/VmI5iHfJiK0FGPsdlLYgB7Ir7Lqd_c9kQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0853%2B%25281%2529_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We are family in every way.&nbsp; We have shared at least 5 or 6 Christmas Eves together, countless birthdays, and much more.&nbsp; We aren't connected by DNA, but that doesn't matter.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Every adoptive parent has experienced the deep inexplicable desire to "claim" their new child.&nbsp; We look for similarities that mark us as family.&nbsp; We desperately need to affirm that this parent-child relationship was meant to be.&nbsp; This claiming is an integral part of the emotional process, and it happens for the newly adopted child as well, who also yearns to be permanently linked to a family that will view them as precious, and will delight in their presence.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The past few weeks it has been clear that we have actually been adopted by our new congregation.&nbsp; Over and over again, we are being shown love and a deeper desire for connection in all kinds of ways, big and small.&nbsp; We, too, have been claiming, as conversations on the long drive home inevitably have several of the kids pointing to how "we just fit here", and they chatter on about this person or that person who they are enjoying getting to know better.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Tonight, we were surprised as our longtime friend, Kent, showed up in church to spend Christmas Eve in worship with us.&nbsp; We have known Kent for probably 15 years or more, and he has adopted us as additional family.&nbsp; When making big decisions, he often consults with us to see what our thoughts are.&nbsp; When he is with us, he nestles in our family as if he was born into it.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gzT2cPJO4YU/WkCsRC2wXgI/AAAAAAAARlw/NSNPMdeKNmgayNpsSlpfo99WwTpE_q1cwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0893_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gzT2cPJO4YU/WkCsRC2wXgI/AAAAAAAARlw/NSNPMdeKNmgayNpsSlpfo99WwTpE_q1cwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0893_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is what adoption looks like.&nbsp; This entire pew is filled with people who are not genetically connected, and therefore they have a choice...they don't have to care for one another, support and encourage one another, or spend time with one another.&nbsp; This pew is all love, and all choice.&nbsp; I look at this photo and realize that I may have been under the illusion that I was solely the "adopter", but I was being equally adopted as well.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My best friend and her family have also adopted us, and we have gained aunts and cousins for the kids, and a niece and nephew for Dominick and I, all by choice.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XbN8VKkLDBc/WkC0YoswDWI/AAAAAAAARm0/QTR5QsjQ_osIb40V4sWKKSTIBMfmikC3ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0827.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XbN8VKkLDBc/WkC0YoswDWI/AAAAAAAARm0/QTR5QsjQ_osIb40V4sWKKSTIBMfmikC3ACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_0827.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">You know what the real message of Christmas is for me?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i><u>We all belong to one another.</u></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">How can one look at the Christmas story and the birth of Jesus without seeing that?&nbsp; Joseph claimed both Mary and Jesus, because he knew they belonged to one another, despite the opposition of those who would say Mary betrayed him, and that Jesus was an illegitimate child.&nbsp; And, in turn, this humble little family of three also knew they belonged to God, as well.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">No person is illegitimate.&nbsp; It is impossible when one takes Jesus' overarching message to heart, because...<i>we all belong to one another...and that legitimizes every single person.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We adopt one another, we claim one another, and we walk through the world with one another.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But the message is a hard one, because it challenges us to the core.&nbsp; Christmas, when we celebrate the birth of&nbsp; God's son, means we belong to one another, and the difficult part of that is that <b>forever</b>&nbsp;we belong to one another, and <b>"one another" </b>means everyone, not just those we pick and choose.&nbsp; We humans belong to one another, not selectively, not based on race or gender or religious preferences.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This Christmas season, look around you...at your family, your friends, your workmates, and instead of finding ways to distance yourself, how about finding ways to belong to each other?&nbsp; How about claiming someone as yours, and then living into that statement in a new and more compassionate way?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b_6-iRZyRYA/WkCwhUXkmAI/AAAAAAAARl0/9mqufN4fCmYi0fEgyIa148vYoAhKtr53ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0838.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b_6-iRZyRYA/WkCwhUXkmAI/AAAAAAAARl0/9mqufN4fCmYi0fEgyIa148vYoAhKtr53ACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0838.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2kCtCoxu78Q/WkCwkBGA5HI/AAAAAAAARl4/8w1MY-cQdMktv96UjqpzLagqQN6GV_f6gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0927.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1355" data-original-width="1600" height="338" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2kCtCoxu78Q/WkCwkBGA5HI/AAAAAAAARl4/8w1MY-cQdMktv96UjqpzLagqQN6GV_f6gCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0927.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is my family.&nbsp; Many might say we don't belong to one another because we don't "match", or we don't share DNA, or we don't share ethnicity or race.&nbsp; Heck, we often don't even share the same philosophy or theology!&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It doesn't matter, not one whit.&nbsp; We belong to one another, and we belong to God.&nbsp; Like the trust Mary and Joseph both had in God in accepting Jesus, we trust God brought the seven of us together.&nbsp; We trust that our friends near and far were brought into our lives by God, and we welcome being adopted by them, just as we also joyfully adopt them.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The message of Christmas might change from year to year as we mature in our faith, and in life.&nbsp; But what should never, ever change is our recognition and acknowledgement that <b>we all belong to one another...all of us.</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And when you stop to think about it, isn't that the best gift of all?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Merry Christmas, dear ones.&nbsp; May you always feel you belong.</div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-52383187376456682862017-12-21T04:35:00.001-07:002017-12-21T04:36:28.043-07:00Gift Upon Gift<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">It is almost 3:00 am, and I was awakened&nbsp; by the winds howling outside, hopefully bringing us at least a dusting of long awaited snow.&nbsp; Despite living in Western Colorado, it has been surprisingly debatable this year if we would find ourselves celebrating a white Christmas or not.<br /><br />The past week has been filled with a subtly growing anticipation for Christmas Eve as our family has gently made space and time for those things that herald the season's arrival.&nbsp; No, it hasn't been shopping or wandering the mall aimlessly, feeling weighed down by the mental list of items not yet purchased.&nbsp; Instead, it has been an intentional participation in opportunities to be together with others, and a living into being family in new ways as the "kids" are moving more into adulthood.&nbsp; There has been none of the frenzy that usually accompanies the holidays, and with each year's distancing from the excitement of Santa and his sleigh, a more peaceful and sacred form of the holiday has entered in.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sb4oBwtLoHw/WjuJgaMaGlI/AAAAAAAARjE/3S-w1LXx-bwsKR_4ZUrOwYiaRlOJ_T0LgCLcBGAs/s1600/20171216_185753.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sb4oBwtLoHw/WjuJgaMaGlI/AAAAAAAARjE/3S-w1LXx-bwsKR_4ZUrOwYiaRlOJ_T0LgCLcBGAs/s400/20171216_185753.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br />We had a weekend filled with events as I sang in a five church combined choir, and the familiar melodies lifted my spirits.&nbsp; The holidays can be a little hard for me, as they can be for many, a mixed emotional bag as memories of what was in years past...or what was always desired and never was...peek in around the edges of the present and whisper words of loneliness into our heart.&nbsp; As I looked out from where I was singing and saw an entire pew filled with "the present" in the form of close friends, Jane and Steve, as well as Dominick and all five kids, I was reminded that what may never have been in my younger years now actually was there, and a peace settled over me.&nbsp; The mere fact that I have five young adults who all feel it is as important to be there for my events as I feel it is to be there for theirs is a special blessing all of its own.<br /><br />Earlier that day, we sadly had to miss an event for Kenny, as mom and dad can only be in so many places at once, and work and playing taxi driver for others kept us from seeing Kenny installed as the Chaplain for this coming year for his Masonic Lodge, but never fear, Jane and Steve were there and shared photos.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vBhFzS1hqvM/WjuNMSoGQtI/AAAAAAAARjQ/_byt-gXkKsAFEOnZK9GdjBbXe_-oUXwAwCLcBGAs/s1600/20171216_153120_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1440" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vBhFzS1hqvM/WjuNMSoGQtI/AAAAAAAARjQ/_byt-gXkKsAFEOnZK9GdjBbXe_-oUXwAwCLcBGAs/s400/20171216_153120_Fotor.jpg" width="360" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ysb40eA0auI/WjuNMePqivI/AAAAAAAARjU/l0GunpfrAzIVj67BscPSb3r33TJZuHEiwCLcBGAs/s1600/20171216_154946_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1423" data-original-width="1600" height="355" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ysb40eA0auI/WjuNMePqivI/AAAAAAAARjU/l0GunpfrAzIVj67BscPSb3r33TJZuHEiwCLcBGAs/s400/20171216_154946_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rFL5Z3PhteQ/WjuNP8PfmQI/AAAAAAAARjY/D9PD6NlzZI4ny-GcXIpntD_ceAKb837uQCLcBGAs/s1600/20171216_160247_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1355" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rFL5Z3PhteQ/WjuNP8PfmQI/AAAAAAAARjY/D9PD6NlzZI4ny-GcXIpntD_ceAKb837uQCLcBGAs/s400/20171216_160247_Fotor.jpg" width="338" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Uc6BgNKkhPY/WjuNS643_xI/AAAAAAAARjc/NgDadWhYfJYZXSZh2_v204m9o6IFeLP-ACLcBGAs/s1600/20171216_160623.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Uc6BgNKkhPY/WjuNS643_xI/AAAAAAAARjc/NgDadWhYfJYZXSZh2_v204m9o6IFeLP-ACLcBGAs/s400/20171216_160623.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br />Seeing the joy on Kenny's face is a strong reminder of how important having a sense of belonging truly is.&nbsp; He has spent years trying to find his place in the world, hoping to fit in and be able to use his unique gifts.&nbsp; The men at the Lodge have been such accepting and warm mentors to him, and they provide role models for a different kind of masculinity that is perfectly suited to who Kenny really is.&nbsp; Seeing his young self among true elders in the group photos isn't really such a surprise, as he has always been somewhat of an old soul from the moment we first met him as a tiny 8 year old boy.<br /><br />As I shared with our bunch, you know you are approaching adulthood when you find yourself getting a kick out of watching younger kids, and as we were enjoying the youth of our church in worship on Sunday as they led worship, Josh was giggling beside me. Toddlers were behind us, heads popping up over the pew, enormous grins on their faces as they played peek a boo, and Josh was totally charmed.&nbsp; And there was another sign of impending manhood as he sweetly as attentive to one young active boy who is in need of a bit more attention.:-)<br /><br />After worship, the day was spent together as a family checking out the local train display at a museum down the road from our church which was incredible, and then moving on to an open house hosted by new friends.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oUCNiDL3hwI/WjuQdtqTicI/AAAAAAAARjo/ruFtvggfDGUyWCKF4P9lKxrTyHHWJGJ0QCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0762.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oUCNiDL3hwI/WjuQdtqTicI/AAAAAAAARjo/ruFtvggfDGUyWCKF4P9lKxrTyHHWJGJ0QCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0762.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eoUbeBc55g0/WjuQdi_ZEDI/AAAAAAAARjs/LBN311VxDLQ468SqSZfWdfrL1k4qLoObwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0778_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1187" data-original-width="1098" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eoUbeBc55g0/WjuQdi_ZEDI/AAAAAAAARjs/LBN311VxDLQ468SqSZfWdfrL1k4qLoObwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0778_Fotor.jpg" width="370" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZOK-wZk3ZrI/WjuQeyLDRmI/AAAAAAAARjw/A0DSDdwCRd49x_EMGEt8QYi4YBXb8Rq8ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0781_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1475" data-original-width="1280" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZOK-wZk3ZrI/WjuQeyLDRmI/AAAAAAAARjw/A0DSDdwCRd49x_EMGEt8QYi4YBXb8Rq8ACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0781_Fotor.jpg" width="346" /></a></div><br />They are maturing, easing into young adulthood and taking tentative steps that are affirmed by the older adults in their lives.&nbsp; Our circumstances are not the norm with kids still in high school at far older ages, likely to be reliant on mom and dad longer than others are.&nbsp; The balancing act can be difficult, and I often tell myself that Dominick and I have to find the sweet spot between recognizing their needs that still exist that are not typical for their ages, and yet acknowledge and respect their emerging independence in the ways they can step into it.<br /><br />Several conversations lately with each of the kids has also been a special "holiday gift" as God has used the words of each of them to touch my sometimes troubled and anxious soul.&nbsp; The other day, Matt and I were out practicing his driving on empty back roads, and the "lesson" began to take on an entirely different feel as we found ourselves lost in an area we didn't recognize.&nbsp; Grinning at one another, we shrugged our shoulders and said, "Why not?" and off we went to explore, changing the entire feel of the morning from teacher and student, to fellow adventurers!<br /><br />Driving along for miles on a dirt road, we visited, my son and I.&nbsp; We talked about his siblings and their needs, about his own future, and about our family.&nbsp; In between gentle corrections with his driving and pointing out things to look out for on the road ahead, Matt did the same for me.&nbsp; With conviction he spoke to how wise our parenting decisions have been about homeschooling and meeting special needs, and that the judgment and criticism of others has been because of a lack of understanding...and that those outside our family will likely never, ever truly understand that our collective experience is simply too far outside the norm for the traditional parenting models to ever work.<br /><br />And then, this young man of ours turned to me and said, "Mom, I know it is easy to say, but you really never have to worry about our family.&nbsp; We are all going to make it somehow, because we are all going to be there to help each other, even us kids helping you and dad."&nbsp; and I laughed and said, "Sort of like in the military, no man left behind?" and he said, "Yup, no man left behind.&nbsp; We're going to do it differently, and you know what?&nbsp; I think we all like it that way, even if others think it is wrong.&nbsp; It is always going to be that way for us, and part of the reason they won't understand is because they don't get what we all get, thanks to church and you and Dad...we are a team, and we all need each other in this world.&nbsp; Our friends need us, and we need them, and we kids all need each other and you guys, and we will always make sure we are all OK and help each other."<br /><br />Yeah, that was my Christmas gift, wrapped up neatly just for me.<br /><br />We stopped and got out of the car, and looked out over the vast horizon before us, both of us drinking in the site of our beloved Colorado and quietly we each talked about how we couldn't imagine living elsewhere, and how we both hoped we never had to move from here.&nbsp; In unison, we whipped out our phones to take photos.&nbsp; He shared about his flight lessons, and how beautiful and different the landscape is from above.&nbsp; Pointing out landmarks he was describing, he said, "One of these days, once I have my license, I will take you up, and you will see it is even more beautiful." and I looked over at this man before me, who a little earlier had also talked about he and I going kayaking together, and I realized, we had arrived at a new place in our relationship, and much like our driving that day, we were exploring together, learning the lay of the land, and very much enjoying the companionship.<br /><br />We may be mother and son, but these days, we are also friends.&nbsp; He is a trusted confidant, as are all of the kids, really, to varying degrees as is appropriate for their developmental level.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ni8gNgtIdO4/WjuWjgRKJFI/AAAAAAAARkA/ew-LQw-yS5sNfyHW1JfgcrFqnrSGShYuQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0735.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ni8gNgtIdO4/WjuWjgRKJFI/AAAAAAAARkA/ew-LQw-yS5sNfyHW1JfgcrFqnrSGShYuQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0735.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Yesterday, another gift we all received was the gift of belonging.&nbsp; Oh, how splendid the gifts of this season have been!&nbsp; All wrapped up just for us, not in packages with bows and shiny paper, but in hugs and smiles, and words of acceptance and gratitude for our presence...the kind of gift that lasts long beyond Christmas itself.<br /><br />We decided to throw school off for the day, and make the two hour long round trip to church to help with a small ministry project.&nbsp; Our church makes up over 100 gift bags filled with goodies to deliver on Christmas Day to those in the community who have to work on the holiday...911 dispatchers, gas station attendants, nursing home staff.&nbsp; It is a way of recognizing those whose efforts are often unseen and under appreciated, and a lovely gesture.<br /><br />We arrived at church to be greeted with such love, and there were so many new friends who were surprised we showed up!&nbsp; We got right to work, and helped with preparing bulletins for worship and candles for the candle light service as well.&nbsp; Admittedly, the kids did more of the work, and I took pictures in between :-)<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GIl5oZ4Z6Ic/WjuZZf446II/AAAAAAAARkU/aRXs0Dl6GGMSStyE_rkFoT2wuGHpcFjNACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0800_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GIl5oZ4Z6Ic/WjuZZf446II/AAAAAAAARkU/aRXs0Dl6GGMSStyE_rkFoT2wuGHpcFjNACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0800_Fotor.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w43irnsZ_8U/WjuZYvZaphI/AAAAAAAARkM/_gAKJU7BlhUL5DJxQ7R1vJHE0l83Zy4BwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0807_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w43irnsZ_8U/WjuZYvZaphI/AAAAAAAARkM/_gAKJU7BlhUL5DJxQ7R1vJHE0l83Zy4BwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0807_Fotor.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d50cK90qt-o/WjuZZNya7SI/AAAAAAAARkQ/odmlntqRbPkxLyq-wrA8FeTJavbDaxA_gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0809_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d50cK90qt-o/WjuZZNya7SI/AAAAAAAARkQ/odmlntqRbPkxLyq-wrA8FeTJavbDaxA_gCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0809_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bQH-1Amyhck/WjuZdBAmzoI/AAAAAAAARkc/qoXgEDHg92w_JqaLutPLjPTnBVrlKqKZwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0818_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bQH-1Amyhck/WjuZdBAmzoI/AAAAAAAARkc/qoXgEDHg92w_JqaLutPLjPTnBVrlKqKZwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0818_Fotor.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JECfhwzG4qo/WjuZdG0_NiI/AAAAAAAARkY/2CHhda4llLsFvbuTU-dWajkbNZt5Wsb3ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0822_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JECfhwzG4qo/WjuZdG0_NiI/AAAAAAAARkY/2CHhda4llLsFvbuTU-dWajkbNZt5Wsb3ACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0822_Fotor.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br />And, as often happens, it is in these seemingly insignificant moments where God reaches out and touches you.&nbsp; In this case, it was in an encounter I had with someone there who was working in another part of the church, who stopped to take a moment to chat.&nbsp; Her kind words, and the warmth in her eyes was more of a gift than she will ever realize, for she and her husband have been a steady, welcoming presence for me personally as I have forced my introverted self to adjust to the changes in my life this past year.&nbsp; It was a true gift from God, as are so many others in our new congregation who have embraced us, comforted us without knowing it, and welcomed us.<br /><br />As Christmas draws nearer, our entire family has received gift upon gift, the kind that really matter.&nbsp; Gifts of presence, gifts of music, gifts of acceptance...these are the things we all receive that are priceless, and unlike "as seen on tv" items that are wrapped and offered, these are the things we won't find ourselves setting on a rummage sale a year or two later virtually untouched.<br /><br />My hope is that in the next few days, everyone might receive these gifts in some form, and that on Christmas Eve, you too might look around you and recognize the love that surrounds you, and that the true Spirit of Christmas visits you and sticks around for awhile.</div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-67666884580005404372017-12-06T23:40:00.002-07:002017-12-06T23:40:29.761-07:00A Minimalist Christmas of a Different Kind<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">The houses are lit up, trees stand tall in windows with glittering ornaments dangling from evergreen branches, and carols have been piped in through store speakers for months.<br /><br />And still, I did not have an ounce of Christmas spirit.&nbsp; That is, not until this week...<br /><br />You know how some years, you catch it early and makes lists upon lists of gifts to purchase, cookies to bake, and events to attend?&nbsp; Then there are the other years that feel flat the entire season, when you hope that maybe on Christmas Eve you will be fortunate enough to find yourself lit up inside and know you have caught that spirit at the last minute.<br /><br />I can recall Christmas' past, painful ones and joyful ones...the year my Dad died in early December when I was 25, and the lump in my throat made it hard to speak as I returned his gifts to the Customer Service Clerk hoping not to be asked for an explanation.&nbsp; There was the year we were knee deep in adoption paperwork as we laboriously made our way through the complicated maze of documents needed to bring home our first child, Matthew.&nbsp; There were, sadly, too many years spent worrying about the safety of my only sibling, whose serious drug addiction&nbsp; meant we never knew if we would hear from him, or be getting a call that he was in jail, or worse.&nbsp; There was the sacredness of the entire Advent season spent almost 8 years ago as we traveled to northern Kazakhstan to adopt our precious Angela and Olesya, thinking we would be gone 2 weeks only to find ourselves there for two and a half months and moving through the single most emotional period of my entire life.<br /><br />There were other years that were less dramatic, of course, years of friends filling our home, of holidays meals spent at the table of others, and many years when we all spent Christmas day working at our restaurant at the airport.&nbsp;<br /><br />Each year holds its own special memories. The story revealed in the uniqueness of so many personalized ornaments on our tree is one that is exclusive to our family alone.&nbsp;<br /><br />So I've waited this year, knowing that the real spirit is The Spirit, and it will make itself known in the most unexpected and striking ways.&nbsp;<br /><br />How was I to know that it would come in the form of five "unseen" ones?&nbsp; I surely didn't understand the sort of transformation my heart would make when Kenny and I left our house Tuesday morning.&nbsp; We drove an hour to our church in Grand Junction, where we were going to help with the first worship service for "Rejoicing Spirits", which is an adapted worship service for adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities&nbsp; The program our church supports is <a href="https://www.mosaicinfo.org/location/mosaic-western-colorado" target="_blank">Mosaic</a>, a Lutheran ministry program in ten different states.&nbsp; Kenny was going to explore the possibility of being involved on a regular basis in this ministry, and then to be interviewed at the Mosaic office.&nbsp; I went with no expectation for myself, solely as "support staff" for Kenny.<br /><br />And isn't that when God is most likely to sneak up on you?&nbsp; When you least expect it?<br /><br />Our new friends arrived, one gentlemen and four women, along with their "coach".&nbsp; How could I help but grin as their childlike delight shined at the simplest things, like getting a name tag, or using a noise maker?&nbsp; Without a moment's discomfort, Kenny and I both fell naturally into our roles, visiting and guiding and singing alongside the innocence before us.&nbsp;<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QWu4OKRIduo/WijhqdgLbbI/AAAAAAAARh4/XzMTiy4Ka0AiYu42IH9iPWdBlM1hMSgRgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0693.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QWu4OKRIduo/WijhqdgLbbI/AAAAAAAARh4/XzMTiy4Ka0AiYu42IH9iPWdBlM1hMSgRgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0693.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><br />As our pastor led us through an active and engaging walk-through of the Christmas story, where we cheered for our "actors" as they held up signs and walked to Bethlehem.&nbsp; Loud "boos" were offered for King Herod, our pastor's husband.&nbsp; A wooden baby Jesus was held up along with a paper star, as he was declared the Savior and his birth was announced.&nbsp;<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9fxq1PG8jVY/Wijhqs5AxdI/AAAAAAAARh8/B8nwanu0sf4HivleST9rHBppBGB0DEBDwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0687.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9fxq1PG8jVY/Wijhqs5AxdI/AAAAAAAARh8/B8nwanu0sf4HivleST9rHBppBGB0DEBDwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0687.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />The singing was barely comprehensible and off key.&nbsp; The participants often needed help finding where we were in the bulletin.&nbsp; The cheers were sometimes ill timed.&nbsp; This was <i>not</i>&nbsp;a service for someone who prefers structure and ritual.<br /><br />But the joy, oh the joy!&nbsp; Smiles and laughter and loud declarations of "Yea, Jesus!!" melted my heart and reminded me of what real faith truly looks like...innocent, all consuming, simple.&nbsp; It was a "minimalist" Christmas of a different kind, and it was as lovely as the hearts who were making loud proclamations there in that Sanctuary.<br /><br />As prayer requests were shared, and the last hymn sung, I realized this might be the single best worship service I had ever attended.&nbsp; I <i>needed</i>&nbsp;this, my heart needed to be softened for the season to be allowed entry.&nbsp; I <i>needed</i>&nbsp;a visual representation of the child King who came to us so that we might know peace, that we might be able to recognize goodness before us when it came blanketed in what the world would call "brokenness" of an irreparable kind.&nbsp; What I saw though, in the faces of the ones that came to us that day, was anything but brokenness.&nbsp; What smiled back at me was an openness to others, an acceptance and joy of the present moment, and a guilelessness that was enviable.<br /><br />Christmas entered my soul, finally, at least a glimmer of it.&nbsp; All of us were blessed that afternoon, and it is another memory that will be stored alongside my 50 years of other Christmas memories.&nbsp; This one won't have an ornament as a reminder, but it will surely be treasured.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v8S8TfSqHhM/Wijg2TuphdI/AAAAAAAARhw/EEKHj-V-yNst76iFiMuy9r4W5CyTMlDzACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0689.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v8S8TfSqHhM/Wijg2TuphdI/AAAAAAAARhw/EEKHj-V-yNst76iFiMuy9r4W5CyTMlDzACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0689.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-43275299708253764542017-12-05T00:26:00.000-07:002017-12-05T00:26:34.432-07:00Don't Let it Happen<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I had a treat this past week, a gift of time, a luxury to be away for a few days and recharge my batteries.&nbsp; Dominick and I are working hard at being intentional about getting me away from my "work place" 3-4 times a year for a decent respite. We haven't been quite as successful as that, but we are working our way toward it.<br /><br />And why do I need "respite"?&nbsp; &nbsp; Well, we are also intentionally using the word "respite" because it implies something very different than "vacation", and it is far more appropriate. Why, after having the gift of being home all day every day do I need a break or mini-vacation? I mean, isn't this all a cake walk?<br /><br />Uh...no...though I used to think exactly that and argued against it because I thought the same.<br /><br />I refused to see myself as a "caretaker", after all, I am a mom, right?<br /><br />Yes, I am that, but also a caretaker to people who don't have gray hair, who aren't using walkers and canes, who don't need to wear Depends.&nbsp; And that is why it has been easy for me to dismiss it.<br /><br />It doesn't look the same as if I was walking around with an Alzheimer's patient all day, we aren't "marked" that way, but I have come to understand that being the full time "partner" for Kenny is taxing in ways we didn't at first understand.&nbsp; Add in the extra help that Olesya and Angie need, though far less, and it was imperative that I begin to realize that if I want to remain a warm, stable, engaged presence, I needed to make sure my own needs for breaks were met.&nbsp;<br /><br />Because I never leave my work place for any extended period of time, I don't get to go home at night and leave work behind.&nbsp; And when I DO leave home, I usually have some if not many kids trailing along with me.<br /><br />Because I don't have help most of the time and because I am teacher, mom, every role that a school has for special ed kids, guidance counselor, and more.&nbsp;<br /><br />Because I am seldom alone in my own home, maybe 3-4 times a year for a few hours at most.&nbsp; There is always someone present, always someone to attend to., or some chore waiting for me.&nbsp; A house for 7 doesn't organize itself, clean itself, oversee itself, fill itself with groceries (Oh Lordy!!).<br /><br />Because we have five kids, four of whom are 18 and 19, and because of disabilities I&nbsp; am still driving all five every single place they need to go unless it is after work and Dominick takes over.&nbsp; We live 20 minutes from Walmart and at least 15 from everywhere else.&nbsp; There are days I have 6 or 7 round trips into town in between homeschooling.&nbsp; Do the math, that is a LOT of running.<br /><br />Because...and this is the hardest piece, actually...I have to be the one solid functioning brain who remembers everything for Kenny that he forgets, which can honestly often be to remind him he put something in the microwave for lunch and 4 minutes later he has forgotten it.&nbsp; Or his bowl is on the table and he got distracted and forgot to eat it.&nbsp; Or he has to take his meds, or make a phone call, or wipe his face, or set up a time to get with friends, or figure out what clothes are appropriate for any given day, or he has to brush his teeth, or he has to shave, or...<br /><br />All. Day. Long.&nbsp;<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TnA-yVyorto/WiZBJAwyY5I/AAAAAAAARgo/TYTphoDEsFwrnW-ZclVXzEPwetEEh4ziwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_2469.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TnA-yVyorto/WiZBJAwyY5I/AAAAAAAARgo/TYTphoDEsFwrnW-ZclVXzEPwetEEh4ziwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_2469.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what I look like far too often these days,<br />it doesn't even really look like me!</td></tr></tbody></table><br />The mental exhaustion sets in, and I do NOT EVER want to take that out on him, or the girls either when I have to step in with brains that may not be working well on any given day.<br /><br />I think I didn't realize the need for my own well being because, frankly, I have the most pleasant situation anyone could ever want with teens.&nbsp; They are WONDERFUL!&nbsp; Helpful at all times, mature, respectful, kind, self-motivated, bright, and they treat me with a tenderness many moms don't receive at this age.&nbsp; It hid it all, this blessing of a family, it hid how tired I was, and I couldn't figure out how HARD it all is because in the traditional ways, it just isn't hard!!!<br /><br />But Dominick has helped me see it, the kids have helped me see it, my best friend has helped me see it, and hearing of family burnout, reading of parents giving up, and families broken apart has caused me to take this more seriously than I was.&nbsp; Some days I am so busy doing the thinking for one or two kids, I can't think straight about my OWN life!&nbsp; Heck, let me be honest here, I really don't have "my own life"...and that too, is hard.<br /><br />I am sharing not because I want pity (Honestly, I wish everyone could be as BLESSED as I am!)&nbsp; but because I have a ton of special needs moms reading this blog regularly, many with kids whose needs are similar to ours with brain damage, FASD, RAD, and more...and <i><b>they need to hear </b></i>"one of their own" saying, "Get away!&nbsp; Take a break!&nbsp; If you don't and you burn out, your kids will be lost, your family will tear apart, and all your hard work up until now will be for naught!".&nbsp; For many of us, this is forever, this isn't temporary or "until they mature" because our beloveds may never make it to full independence, and if they DO manage it, it may only be with lots of support from mom coming in and overseeing paying bills, house cleaning, cooking meals, etc.&nbsp;<br /><br /><b><i>This is forever, and you might as well figure out how to do "forever" really well, with joy, with regular respite to keep yourself cheerfully in the game.</i></b><br /><br />So, as a family, we are working together to figure out how to do exactly that.&nbsp; I am so fortunate to have them 100% behind me, helping me so I can be fully there for them.&nbsp; We are Team LaJoy, and that means I am part of that team that sometimes needs their guidance and support, too!&nbsp; This is fairly new to us all, this awareness of "forever" and what that means particularly for me.&nbsp; Kenny has walked through more than a year of grieving and is coming out the other side finally, the girls have each grieved the loss of certainty over their future as reality has set in and they are slower to gain necessary important skills.&nbsp;<br /><br />And I am perhaps in the middle of my own minor grieving process, trying to sort through what it all means for my future, both long term and the next few years.&nbsp; Who am I?&nbsp; Who will I never be able to be if I want to be who they need me to be?&nbsp; How can I craft something in between the need that feeds my soul, helps me grow, and allows me to reach for something more than care taking?<br /><br />So many moms of special needs kids and young adults I know feel this way, but struggle to share it with others for fear of seeming selfish.&nbsp; Concerns about how others perceive their decisions, and their need to take care of themselves being just as important as taking care of their child's needs.&nbsp; Make the disability invisible, like brain damage and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder is, and it is far harder for others to understand the realities of daily life.&nbsp; If we were walking around pushing wheelchairs, speaking for non-verbal kids, or dealing with walkers there would be instant compassion.&nbsp; When your child walks, talks and acts like everyone else and can "pass" as normal, there is a lack of understanding of all the effort it takes for it to appear that normal!<br /><br />The day after Thanksgiving, I left with my dear friend Candi, and off we went to California for a 3 day cruise...and at the cost of $97 after credits and discounts, I didn't even have to feel guilty about spending money!!&nbsp; Though as Dominick has said, getting me away is far less costly than therapy for seven ;-)&nbsp; I was gone a week in total, as we stayed a couple nights in Vegas afterward where we went to see Menopause the Musical (Yeah, that is adding to it all at this stage of my life, isn't it? Hahaha!).&nbsp; It literally took me 2 full days to begin to unwind and let go of "home", but once I did, it was lovely.&nbsp;<br /><br />And you know what?&nbsp; I came back thinking differently, more positive, more hopeful, and inspired with new ideas for teaching!&nbsp; The respite renewed me, brought the laughter back, softened me...helped me step back into myself.<br /><br />Moms, find a way to do it if you can.&nbsp; You have no idea how much you need it until you experience NOT being "on" 24/7, always advocating, seeking services, tending to unending needs.&nbsp; When you have special needs among your kids, your family needs you to be the best version of you, even more than MOST families do!<br /><br />Here are some pictures from our trip, which included Catalina Island and my first time ever to see Dale Chihuly's glass work, and Ensenada:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1P82EUe-a9M/WiY_fwQKnII/AAAAAAAARgc/ApJGbYyJXWgCj6umfkUFpAiUf6gFE-qnACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0267.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1203" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1P82EUe-a9M/WiY_fwQKnII/AAAAAAAARgc/ApJGbYyJXWgCj6umfkUFpAiUf6gFE-qnACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0267.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nQsGZf0FMPg/WiZBoTcpROI/AAAAAAAARg4/4pJKy-fjpio6amoCJazcRSkOhQvUk3ZuwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0285%2B%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nQsGZf0FMPg/WiZBoTcpROI/AAAAAAAARg4/4pJKy-fjpio6amoCJazcRSkOhQvUk3ZuwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0285%2B%25281%2529.jpg" width="298" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dKilN7Ac5K4/WiZBj4C3ddI/AAAAAAAARgs/mQ7y38lhsp0KXT_HdQcY3Hy9Zu88-Q04ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0523.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dKilN7Ac5K4/WiZBj4C3ddI/AAAAAAAARgs/mQ7y38lhsp0KXT_HdQcY3Hy9Zu88-Q04ACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0523.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5AvMM2wlGSI/WiZBpxK_CFI/AAAAAAAARg8/ax1xgHJpgK4LudF2nEQjkAO4Br19-cP8wCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0662.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5AvMM2wlGSI/WiZBpxK_CFI/AAAAAAAARg8/ax1xgHJpgK4LudF2nEQjkAO4Br19-cP8wCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0662.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_2Ps6vxTSKk/WiZBnTNSAII/AAAAAAAARgw/2deg7MjCLgYEVQBNmYE6mg2bDY2ZuTbdQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0667.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_2Ps6vxTSKk/WiZBnTNSAII/AAAAAAAARgw/2deg7MjCLgYEVQBNmYE6mg2bDY2ZuTbdQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0667.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">These views alone bring a sense of rest, they are almost a visual sigh.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yPBpN83elsI/WiZCIHtrt5I/AAAAAAAARhE/7ZvmZSkL3DUIXpAFMs_jWL4SqzxbZx7DgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0503_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1136" data-original-width="1516" height="298" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yPBpN83elsI/WiZCIHtrt5I/AAAAAAAARhE/7ZvmZSkL3DUIXpAFMs_jWL4SqzxbZx7DgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0503_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Sb2XuVsQR4o/WiZCvszvC7I/AAAAAAAARhQ/MrtrV8CHUSUP5v0aHfT18wyMmgQlKxPEQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0390.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Sb2XuVsQR4o/WiZCvszvC7I/AAAAAAAARhQ/MrtrV8CHUSUP5v0aHfT18wyMmgQlKxPEQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0390.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have wanted to see Chihuly's glass art for more than 20 years,<br />so this was a real treat for me!</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gDLnZSMjfnE/WiZCwssQQ8I/AAAAAAAARhU/n3fw71RODxoJ5a_qBLDesMUaTLWsm0wzgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0397_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1254" data-original-width="1600" height="311" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gDLnZSMjfnE/WiZCwssQQ8I/AAAAAAAARhU/n3fw71RODxoJ5a_qBLDesMUaTLWsm0wzgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0397_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HLKlME-FqZk/WiZCqp3N8NI/AAAAAAAARhM/H5U754kBStkJXnEcx2mpynumG9G04B_0ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HLKlME-FqZk/WiZCqp3N8NI/AAAAAAAARhM/H5U754kBStkJXnEcx2mpynumG9G04B_0ACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0426.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">At the end of the cruise, we perused the photos taken throughout by the ship's photographers.&nbsp; I couldn't believe the difference, and seeing this image was actually what spoke to me and made me write this blog for other moms like me:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KmOigL_KgiE/WiZDXyl13yI/AAAAAAAARhc/SUWyCvJyBycm5Xa5w2QsK5HQO4XteHkbgCLcBGAs/s1600/DocFile%2B%25282%2529_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1143" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KmOigL_KgiE/WiZDXyl13yI/AAAAAAAARhc/SUWyCvJyBycm5Xa5w2QsK5HQO4XteHkbgCLcBGAs/s400/DocFile%2B%25282%2529_Fotor.jpg" width="285" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is the real me, the not-worn-down-so-tired-of-thinking-for-everyone me.&nbsp; No makeup, not terrific lighting, just a well rested, "brain had some downtime" me.<br /><br />This is the mom I want my kids to have, and the wife I want Dominick to have.&nbsp; She leaves us from time to time, and I need to be paying more attention as she drifts away, because there IS something I can do about it, and it is NOT selfish of me, and they deserve THIS version of me...relaxed, less stressed, warm hearted, attentive.&nbsp; They don't need frazzled, exhausted, frustrated, close-to-a-good-cry me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We moms matter, we can't keep going if we don't make sure we matter.&nbsp; However you make it happen, MAKE IT HAPPEN.&nbsp; Some of us will still be doing this with 30 year olds, or 45 year olds.&nbsp; We can't keep up the pace if we don't recognize our own needs from time to time.&nbsp; I am going to revisit this blog and look at the contrast between these two images of me in the future, when I am feeling it is selfish to get away, when I am feeling awful about not finding joy.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And husbands, MAKE IT HAPPEN...you need wives refreshed, not worn out rags!&nbsp; In our case, with the responsibility with the store and kids not driving yet, and not wanting to put our kids in the position of being babysitter for Kenny to make sure he is safe, it is pretty impossible for us to get away together for any length of time alone, and thoughtfully, Dominick sees what is needed and always, always steps up as best he can.&nbsp; He makes it happen, he doesn't begrudge it, he loves me and wants what is best for me.&nbsp; Me being gone also creates new appreciation for what I do every day, and a deeper understanding for the role I play.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It can be good...no, it can actually be profoundly beautiful...to live within the "less than perfect", but it gets harder to see when fatigue and burnout kick in.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Don't let it happen.&nbsp; Keep yourself able to witness those moments when life sparkles, and you feel to the marrow of your bones that you are doing exactly what you were meant to do.&nbsp; Don't allow yourself to miss it, it is rewarding in a way nothing else is.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-12868509320735923512017-12-04T01:15:00.000-07:002017-12-04T01:15:09.142-07:00An Irreverent and Reverent Thanksgiving<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Fall...Family...Friends...Faith...<div><br /></div><div>All of the above is summed up in Thanksgiving.&nbsp; While we are rushing headlong into the Christmas chaos, it is Thanksgiving that I always enjoy most.&nbsp; The commercialization, the seasonal decor brought out in late August, and the Black Friday "rush for stuff" is a total turn off to me, and has tainted Christmas in many ways.&nbsp; Oh, don't get me wrong, I still find joy in the music and the expectant anticipation of Advent, but Christmas as celebrated by most isn't something I relish.</div><div><br /></div><div>This Thanksgiving was filled with laughter, snacks, playful banter, and moments of great depth.&nbsp; Our dear friends, Candi and her wife Pam, traveled from Massachusetts to be with us, and their son Billy came home from his first semester at USC to join us, as well as their daughter Christi who is attending high school in nearby Carbondale, Colorado.&nbsp; Yes, believe it or not, 11 people in our house for several days didn't feel cramped at all!&nbsp; I thought it was so cute when Billy said, "I remember when we first got together and 11 of us felt like a lot of people, now it just feels normal!".&nbsp; Love can do that for you, can't it?&nbsp; It turns the awkward into awesome :-)</div><div><br /></div><div>We did nothing of any importance, and Candi and I decided it was going to be a Pinterest Thanksgiving, and forced others to participate in silly crafts.&nbsp; Those who know me understand how hilarious this is, and how craft impaired I am, so it was really more about the entertainment factor of how BAD it would be and not about the end result!&nbsp; Here are some photos of our...um...creations and hard work:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-StvPCOz_hQI/WiTzfalu10I/AAAAAAAAReg/H_Ucwtp4q2kXZUoUajjvmo6scCOtXrDQQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0042.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1486" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-StvPCOz_hQI/WiTzfalu10I/AAAAAAAAReg/H_Ucwtp4q2kXZUoUajjvmo6scCOtXrDQQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0042.jpg" width="371" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Oh, the joy ahead...yeah, riiiiight!!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JSahc0S-lG4/WiTzdxV6toI/AAAAAAAARec/l4rAIe8qpXEpbIE6FJFRGNKviCqqDYIzACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0053.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JSahc0S-lG4/WiTzdxV6toI/AAAAAAAARec/l4rAIe8qpXEpbIE6FJFRGNKviCqqDYIzACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0053.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Candi, inordinately proud of her M&amp;M stuffed turkey.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">She has "mad skills"...hahaha!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A6xDdkgKg8A/WiTzdq0edFI/AAAAAAAAReY/Apfa8MYRirUM6zJf4sEI_b12nzj_fonTQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0074.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A6xDdkgKg8A/WiTzdq0edFI/AAAAAAAAReY/Apfa8MYRirUM6zJf4sEI_b12nzj_fonTQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0074.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Matt, our Master Glue Gun Operator and Eyeball Attacher</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hztsRjNGP2k/WiTzgcqjojI/AAAAAAAARek/bZI0IkjhfWYBCgkxMoJ8liKlj9DdkZOvQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0078.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hztsRjNGP2k/WiTzgcqjojI/AAAAAAAARek/bZI0IkjhfWYBCgkxMoJ8liKlj9DdkZOvQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0078.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-s4LTszs0hCI/WiTzhllU_oI/AAAAAAAAReo/0GZFAIvYe6MtPElQBJ8Ea4qESpNlmDATQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-s4LTszs0hCI/WiTzhllU_oI/AAAAAAAAReo/0GZFAIvYe6MtPElQBJ8Ea4qESpNlmDATQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0087.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Kenny and Pam teamed up for each craft, our A Team!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-p5740dF4Tv8/WiTzkoCfIwI/AAAAAAAARes/eYCWHD9bbQcrW4SoDUcxMN3UJzWM6kKXgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0110.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-p5740dF4Tv8/WiTzkoCfIwI/AAAAAAAARes/eYCWHD9bbQcrW4SoDUcxMN3UJzWM6kKXgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0110.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The finished products!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F4e8wJu33Ls/WiT2ESXyU6I/AAAAAAAARe4/qX5JTG-gcCgUWGEJMHGs_1-GiVtN95puACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0109.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F4e8wJu33Ls/WiT2ESXyU6I/AAAAAAAARe4/qX5JTG-gcCgUWGEJMHGs_1-GiVtN95puACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0109.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We then moved outside, where Candi and I attempted a spray painting project.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oKuwVft4gLo/WiT2Zgp3whI/AAAAAAAARe8/VOtev3nhCeo0ArczN3pC2KdzJz9KganwACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oKuwVft4gLo/WiT2Zgp3whI/AAAAAAAARe8/VOtev3nhCeo0ArczN3pC2KdzJz9KganwACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0112.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Hmmm...wonder what this will turn into?</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HYw41xp8lWU/WiT2aRnlPzI/AAAAAAAARfA/HX267KS8eNE7IUh4cKmzWauOW2MDOrBtgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0130.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HYw41xp8lWU/WiT2aRnlPzI/AAAAAAAARfA/HX267KS8eNE7IUh4cKmzWauOW2MDOrBtgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0130.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">We worked at this a lot harder than it looks like!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J-qt7tK-lV0/WiT2cXX4rjI/AAAAAAAARfE/PA_y_3NLp-MLNo0DFGv-GNQmiIMmzoSIACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0134.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J-qt7tK-lV0/WiT2cXX4rjI/AAAAAAAARfE/PA_y_3NLp-MLNo0DFGv-GNQmiIMmzoSIACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0134.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">TaaaaDaaa!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Next we made rice krispy pumpkins, and everyone got in on the fun!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LeIKdzvmqlE/WiT3BUqWT6I/AAAAAAAARfU/JsoNJNQ_wq8Qo6eq6GhXh_otgLLI3maagCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0206.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LeIKdzvmqlE/WiT3BUqWT6I/AAAAAAAARfU/JsoNJNQ_wq8Qo6eq6GhXh_otgLLI3maagCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0206.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">More eating happened than pumpkin-ing!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4tUvgfTF5lg/WiT3Btg9zXI/AAAAAAAARfY/f_M4EPAympQDsirwMepQsfdo-H2SOE3IACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4tUvgfTF5lg/WiT3Btg9zXI/AAAAAAAARfY/f_M4EPAympQDsirwMepQsfdo-H2SOE3IACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0215.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">These two are so funny together!&nbsp; Sometimes it feels we have added a third daughter, much to our delight.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mO4QBLPAlTs/WiT3BcejE6I/AAAAAAAARfQ/8E6yEa6MXwgOl6gGPfWX9Yh8ulGOA4SFwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0219.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mO4QBLPAlTs/WiT3BcejE6I/AAAAAAAARfQ/8E6yEa6MXwgOl6gGPfWX9Yh8ulGOA4SFwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0219.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Matt and Olesya, our "twins", cracking each other up!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VHzxuGhblAg/WiT3Dgcc9WI/AAAAAAAARfc/3dlaJlh8d8s9tWaEb-GCojLiGLvJKepOwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0223.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VHzxuGhblAg/WiT3Dgcc9WI/AAAAAAAARfc/3dlaJlh8d8s9tWaEb-GCojLiGLvJKepOwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0223.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Pumpkin Production Team</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IeeoI4jfJa4/WiT3EXQeO9I/AAAAAAAARfg/E1c_9QoauXMsIIRCJUNcnf2Dd4meBKMrwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0233.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IeeoI4jfJa4/WiT3EXQeO9I/AAAAAAAARfg/E1c_9QoauXMsIIRCJUNcnf2Dd4meBKMrwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0233.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Aaaaand...another "win"!!<br />Two full trays of them, and they were all devoured in two days :-)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The boys had their late night gaming fuel!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We were on a roll, so why not one more in our Pinterest Day of Gluttony and Craft Crap?!?!?!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-88B1aRXQW44/WiT4JmQWK6I/AAAAAAAARf4/XI3cRgmNiqITlwExqjr9x6fvLLX-Jso0QCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0150.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-88B1aRXQW44/WiT4JmQWK6I/AAAAAAAARf4/XI3cRgmNiqITlwExqjr9x6fvLLX-Jso0QCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0150.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Ready...set...create!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eUFSUbR0KOo/WiT4JR4Ca3I/AAAAAAAARf0/JcSv1yNpsEsBUcJOnkrd8InNXfQjpJtVQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0175.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eUFSUbR0KOo/WiT4JR4Ca3I/AAAAAAAARf0/JcSv1yNpsEsBUcJOnkrd8InNXfQjpJtVQCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0175.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Kenny's, simple, yet elegant...haha!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Z1ldBgOIEuQ/WiT4JcoF1hI/AAAAAAAARfw/gTQiaC22TCwWFCWjjutidM4RGKs2w2T3gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0184.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Z1ldBgOIEuQ/WiT4JcoF1hI/AAAAAAAARfw/gTQiaC22TCwWFCWjjutidM4RGKs2w2T3gCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0184.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Josh and Matt, intent on artistic works.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-P6io0d4NVSU/WiT4L3ZB9xI/AAAAAAAARf8/rYUbYvNKDSM66iolKPDy2ZjJ3YA8TEZqACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-P6io0d4NVSU/WiT4L3ZB9xI/AAAAAAAARf8/rYUbYvNKDSM66iolKPDy2ZjJ3YA8TEZqACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0202.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Olesya...upside down and right side up!</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dzWJGMHK7LE/WiT4MkIf6UI/AAAAAAAARgA/UPhytodneg4LIvivaR3s_JIYb7Kf6xpTwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dzWJGMHK7LE/WiT4MkIf6UI/AAAAAAAARgA/UPhytodneg4LIvivaR3s_JIYb7Kf6xpTwCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0234.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Yes, we felt like 2nd graders, yes, it was silly.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Yes, it was a fun way to spend an afternoon!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">No, we are not Pinterest People ;-)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Dominick came home to a houseful of interesting goodies, and was probably quite pleased he didn't get sucked into the Pinterest vortex himself!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zF0cg9ZP1PI/WiT5q6XR1eI/AAAAAAAARgM/TsKHkLb64gIc8ssCB6BuLFlMXhw1xOIZACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0245.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zF0cg9ZP1PI/WiT5q6XR1eI/AAAAAAAARgM/TsKHkLb64gIc8ssCB6BuLFlMXhw1xOIZACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_0245.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">A feast...and with four teenage boys present, leftovers were at a minimum!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">After all the laughter, all the clean up, and all the crafting, what I can not share with you are photos of the most intimate, meaningful time we all shared together.&nbsp; There are times to simply be present to the mystery and wonder of deep connection, and our social media driven world would cheapen certain experiences.&nbsp; All eleven of us ended our evening in a very special way, as we gathered in the dark, candle lit living room, and participated in something that has been dubbed by the kids our "Manship/Womanship Ceremony", which is a special recognition for each of our kids when they turn eighteen years old.&nbsp; We wait until both families are gathered, and we share a time of reflection about the one who has newly attained official adult status.&nbsp; Then, we present the son or daughter with a specially chosen key chain, and a house key to each of our houses.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is a sacred moment for each of our kids, and prior to this night we had recognized Angela, Billy, and Kenny.&nbsp; It is a rite of passage of sorts for each of our kids, one in which all who feel called to share thoughts about the young person can do so by looking back on who they were, how much they have matured and what they value in that person.&nbsp; Their gifts and talents are lifted up, and their "overcomings" are celebrated.&nbsp; By candlelight, each young adult hears how precious they are to those of us who love them so much, they hear words of encouragement to continue to grow into the person God is calling them to be, and they see the tears of joy, and hear the catch in the voices of others as they recall special moments spent in their company.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This night, it was Olesya and Matt's turn, as they each turned eighteen this summer.&nbsp; This ritual matters, it calls each of our young adults to live into all we see in them.&nbsp; It allows us to say good bye to childhoods, and hello to new adult lives and responsibilities.&nbsp; It is an invitation to the Spirit to come in and sit with us all just a little while, to be present among us in a tangible way.&nbsp; I have listened as each of our kids has brought me to tears as they poured love on their siblings, lifting up their achievements...and I am not talking about worldly accomplishments, but things like how they see God working in their siblings' lives, how they value a character quality, and how hard they know they have worked to jump over enormous obstacles.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I will not share specifics about Matt and Olesya's ceremony, as the words quietly whispered that night are ours alone, and for their hearts to cherish.&nbsp; But I will share that all four parents shed tears, as did some of our children as they spoke in appreciation and admiration.&nbsp; And as we presented them with their key chains, we explained that the two keys signified that they will always have a home to return to, and that we are there for the other family's children as well and will always make space for them in our hearts.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">On this Thanksgiving night, what I was most grateful for was the ability to go deep with our family, and to have friends who can do so unashamedly as well.&nbsp; I am thankful for the warmth and love that comes from intimate relationships where fears can be openly shared, where our hearts are safe and cradled gently by one another, and where faith is palpable.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I am also eternally grateful for family without shared DNA that is as real and true as any family with genetic ties.&nbsp; And it is all memorable, isn't it?&nbsp; The games, the crafts, the mess, the noise...the hugs, the quiet conversations, the "remember when's".&nbsp; It is the makings of a happy holiday, and we were blessed.</div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-31666933112617491942017-11-22T09:25:00.000-07:002017-11-22T09:25:08.017-07:00Angela's Gifts<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zY1KRyT5a4s/WhMBOxsmguI/AAAAAAAARdo/oxHqc8N1cTMkeOmJ9ndh-WxuU5ILpUNxACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_9413.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zY1KRyT5a4s/WhMBOxsmguI/AAAAAAAARdo/oxHqc8N1cTMkeOmJ9ndh-WxuU5ILpUNxACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_9413.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><br />I hear her, quietly chatting on the phone, and I grin.<br /><br />Her friend?&nbsp; Henrietta, a woman from the nursing home who she hasn't been able to visit due to volleyball season and her busy schedule.&nbsp; Angela is giggling and asking questions, promising that the season is now over and she will be able to visit soon.&nbsp; She misses her weekly visits to those at our local nursing home, and she is determined to get back as soon as possible.<br /><br />Such a gift I see in her, this lovely daughter of mine.&nbsp; For her, working with the elderly as a possible future career isn't "settling", it is a calling.&nbsp; She started volunteering upon my suggestion, and took to it with great surprise!&nbsp; I suggested it after recalling an incident that occurred years earlier, when she and Olesya had been home a mere few months and had limited English skills.&nbsp; We were volunteering at our church's book sale, and an older woman was perusing the selections and mentioned that her much older mom was out in the truck and she couldn't take too long.&nbsp; Angela doesn't remember this at all, but it sure stuck out for me, as I saw her go to the truck with a glass of water all of her own accord, and then proceeded to visit with this woman for at least 10 minutes in her own broken English.&nbsp; Time and time again I saw Angie being drawn to the elderly, making it a point at church to visit at coffee hour with the widows who gather together for company.&nbsp; Like a moth to a flame, she finds her way there.<br /><br />Of course, she and I have talked briefly about how her grandmother was the only constant in her young life, and when she first gained some language skills she shared how her grandma would make sure she and Olesya were safe, and sometimes and would do without food herself so they wouldn't go hungry.&nbsp; Tragically, her sweet protector's life was taken by the girls' own mother, in front of them.&nbsp; It created a lifelong hole in the heart of Angela, and a yearning for replacing that relationship that is gradually being filled by other adopted "grandmas" here and there.<br /><br />Her gift is in her ability to see those who go unseen, to treat them as equals and not see them as merely the crippled, older bodies that sit before her.&nbsp; She is undisturbed by their frailties, by their temporary confusion, and she is endlessly fascinated by the stories they share of their former lives and their accomplishments, and yet she gives an indication to them that who they are <i>now</i>&nbsp;matters as well.<br /><br />I have visited with her a few times, reading to Henrietta from love letters her deceased husband wrote where handwriting was too difficult for Angela to discern, and I have "made the rounds" with her as she introduced to me to the people she had been assigned to visit.&nbsp; For a nineteen year old, she continues to astonish me with how comfortable she is in a setting that makes most people feel great awkwardness and a desire to leave as quickly as possible, having done their duty and wishing to put this visit out of their minds.<br /><br />Yes, Angie has a calling, and it is as obvious as can be.&nbsp; &nbsp;She now visits at the nursing home, and is visiting someone new today at a different assisted care center whose adult daughter reached out asking for a non-family "friend" to occasionally visit her mom.&nbsp; This woman taught Angela and Olesya a Home Ec class a few years back, and so she is familiar with us and the connection is nice to make!&nbsp; Angie also has a paid care job once&nbsp; a week or so with a family friend whose kindness in training Angela around adult diapering and more has been so appreciated.&nbsp; This friend also "gets" Angie's transportation needs, her careful taking of notes because she might forget something, but also sees how capable and competent Angela is as well.&nbsp; It is these people that God brings alongside our family that has helped our children over and over again to grow and become so much more than Dominick or I could ever help them become.&nbsp; We need "more" for our kids, whose needs are less obvious&nbsp; but often include, largely, understanding that their lives have been different, that they have invisible disabilities that they are learning to work with as young adults, and they will be able to do a lot in this world with this kind of caring circling them, nurturing them, believing in them!&nbsp;<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-beaxr4-B3VQ/WhMBqkD-4mI/AAAAAAAARdw/IvxJv0LDfcs8Bj8hLpVuqpBqBKkO0JWcgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_8915%2B%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1035" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-beaxr4-B3VQ/WhMBqkD-4mI/AAAAAAAARdw/IvxJv0LDfcs8Bj8hLpVuqpBqBKkO0JWcgCLcBGAs/s400/IMG_8915%2B%25282%2529.jpeg" width="257" /></a></div><br />I am beginning to plan training for Ang, and we are looking at possible careers beyond being a CNA, which will never pay enough to support her but is a good starting place.&nbsp; She will spend part of next year and after graduation taking online courses in geriatric psychology, practical care skills, studying for a CNA, learning about regulations for nursing home operators, and all kinds of other topics related to elder care.&nbsp; We are going to visit combination day care and senior day cares, learn about issues for families and caretakers and a whole lot more.&nbsp; Perhaps she will be an activities director, or she has even talked about owning her own small home-like nursing home!&nbsp; It will take a few years for her to find her niche, but this is definitely where she belongs and is a growing area.&nbsp; Now to find how she can make a living at it doing more than CNA work, but the exploration and learning process will be so much fun for both of us as I help guide her and learn a little along the way, too!&nbsp; Right now she is reading Atul Guwande's bestseller, <i>Being Mortal,</i>&nbsp;and within the first five pages turned to me and said, "Oh man, I am going to learn so much!&nbsp; This is a very interesting book, and he is a good writer!"<br /><br />Witnessing the blossoming of Angela is a gift beyond measure.&nbsp; She is strong, confident, compassionate, courageous...oh, I could just go on and on about this young woman I am blessed to parent!&nbsp; We missed so much with her and Olesya, and when I think about that it brings tears to my eyes.&nbsp; That Angie allowed herself and her sister to be mothered deeply is a miracle in itself, that she was able to open up and trust just one more time after their biological mom was so unsafe is in itself the single most courageous act I have ever witnessed.&nbsp; It didn't come easily, she was scared to death, but somehow we made it.&nbsp;<br /><br />I am reminded that sometimes, it is those who have been the most harmed by life who have the strength and ability to bring both softness and firmness to their interactions.&nbsp; Those souls who have walked through the worst people can throw at them can be the most resilient.&nbsp;<br /><br />And I have a daughter whose unique blend of tenacity and tenderness is going to be a force to be reckoned with.&nbsp; She will change the world for someone,&nbsp; maybe several someones, and it will be through small, repeated kind acts which may never add up in her head to much, but will actually matter far more than she will realize.<br /><br />I love you, Angela, and I can't WAIT to see where life takes you!&nbsp; And you know what?&nbsp; Thanks for letting me come along on the journey alongside you :-)&nbsp; You didn't have to allow the intimacy we have, and I will forever be grateful you opened up your arms and your heart to me.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dZVsFd-exGc/WhMB5d2aIfI/AAAAAAAARd0/RNGiFnnpP60ZEOwDIsfdlCcONOAFDAzmQCLcBGAs/s1600/Legos%2Band%2Bwedding%2B082.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dZVsFd-exGc/WhMB5d2aIfI/AAAAAAAARd0/RNGiFnnpP60ZEOwDIsfdlCcONOAFDAzmQCLcBGAs/s400/Legos%2Band%2Bwedding%2B082.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-34950533388490618272017-11-20T08:07:00.002-07:002017-11-20T08:07:49.861-07:00Gut or God?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7a3rqtvu8x4/WhLvmuB4rcI/AAAAAAAARdQ/o-MhmdCZ1JEQukpMVWp0gZ98FYbWXS3CgCLcBGAs/s1600/63266b4909d02df3eeac15c1327ea12b--christian-life-christian-quotes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="236" data-original-width="236" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7a3rqtvu8x4/WhLvmuB4rcI/AAAAAAAARdQ/o-MhmdCZ1JEQukpMVWp0gZ98FYbWXS3CgCLcBGAs/s400/63266b4909d02df3eeac15c1327ea12b--christian-life-christian-quotes.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />This past week, for our school "Morning Meeting" we watched a video from <i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog" target="_blank">The School of Life</a>&nbsp;</i>YouTube Channel.&nbsp; We have a Morning Meeting at the beginning of every day to pull us all together, including Matt who joins us then goes off to do his own academics.&nbsp; During our Meeting, we discuss current events and news stories, what our schedule is for the next couple of days, and I will bring up anything that we need to work on to keep The LaJoy Machine running well...like pointing out how dishes are somehow being expected to magically make it into the dishwasher again by the Dishwasher Fairy so I'll urge them to move less than four inches to deposit their dining ware into the dishwasher.&nbsp; Basically, it is a moment of nagging, and then I am done for the day :-)<br /><br />Much of our Morning Meeting time is largely focused on developing Emotional Intelligence, or "EQ".&nbsp; We have worked on this diligently for years, and it has been very necessary.&nbsp; Our three who were adopted at older ages, Kenny, Angela and Olesya, understandably came to us with few skills, and so we have worked diligently to help them gain what they missed all those years without the one on one modeling and guidance from a caring adult. I use everything I can think of for us to reflect on, find examples from our real life, and speak to how to better handle things.&nbsp; We also use TED Talks, these videos from The School of Life, and articles from my Facebook news feed that I find pertinent.&nbsp;<br /><br />The video we watched this week was <i>"How to Make a Decision", </i>and I didn't understand in the moment how profound that was going to be for me, personally.&nbsp; Not because I don't know how to effectively make a decision, but because of the insight of one of our kids.<br /><br />It was explained that there are five distinct perspectives we can use to help us give "fresh eyes" on our decision dilemma, and it went on to explain them (Fascinating how our enemies and death were two of them!)&nbsp; and we had a lot of discussion about the surprising ways in which we saw truth revealed in the five minute video.&nbsp; Matt sat there quietly, as the wheels in his brain turned, and we could all see he had something to say but was working it through before speaking.<br /><br />Finally, he said, "Something is missing, I get this guy is secular, but our faith is a big key to our decision making."&nbsp; He went on to explain his point, and that he understood the creator of the content was probably including any sort of faith component under "gut instinct", but for Matt, decision making could include gut instinct as separate from being spiritually guided.&nbsp;<br /><br />I can't tell you all how profoundly moved I was...and we all were...by that.&nbsp; Matt is the one who has, in the past, least spoken about God's role in his life,&nbsp; but who has in the past couple of years claimed his Christian faith more intentionally and deeply.&nbsp; His analytical, scientifically oriented brain seemed to lend itself toward the concrete rather than the abstract, and in truth, I think the process of leaving our old church and methodically searching for a new one, then claiming it, brought forth a stronger sense of connection for him.&nbsp; Obviously, what we had before was not a good fit for him.<br /><br />We continued the conversation discussing the ways in which we, as a family, have made decisions totally counter to our own desires because something felt God led.&nbsp; We have never regretted such decisions, and Dominick and I have always worked with the kids to talk through such things so they could begin to understand how you "see" God's guiding you&nbsp; in your life.&nbsp; We quickly recounted all the ways in which we have used spiritual reflection (and God's 2x4's!) to help us make the best decisions...moving to Colorado in the first place seemed counterproductive as we left behind terrific jobs to do so, but God had other plans.&nbsp; Each and every time we adopted we had people attempt to dissuade us...particular with Kenny, Angela and Olesya, and thankfully, God had other plans.&nbsp; The purchase of the liquor store&nbsp; was not something I was personally comfortable with but God showed me how clearly this was the plan and I needed to say yes.&nbsp; Changing faith communities after almost fifteen years was not something I would have chosen for us, but God hounded us and had other plans.&nbsp; Homeschooling, oh that was SO not my idea!&nbsp; But God had other plans.<br /><br />Every time we have evaluated a decision, we have tried to be intentional about making space for God to be present in it with us.&nbsp; In our case, it often seems God guides us to the possibility we would <i style="font-weight: bold;">be least likely</i>&nbsp;to select, but not fighting that and being willing to say "Yes" even when we would prefer not to has always proven to be the best for us, hands down.&nbsp; There has never been a single time when we have gone with "God" instead of gut, that we have not been joyfully surprised.&nbsp; I can't even recall how many times my gut screamed out, "NO!!!&nbsp; I don't wanna!!!" and yet my soul said otherwise.&nbsp; Sometimes, I actually hate that, because it also usually means a new kind of courage is going to be required of me, a new level of trust, a new trial to walk through...and yet I grow :-)<br /><br />Sitting there at the table surrounded by our five young adults, all nodding their head in agreement at Matt's pointing out the need for God to be the largest part of our decision making, Angela...my emotional twin...looked me square in the eye and said, "Mom, next time you doubt your parenting, remember this moment."&nbsp; She knew how much this mattered, how Matt was the more unlikely one, how this affirmed that our years of sharing the ways in which God moves in the world and in our own lives.&nbsp; More importantly, she knew how important it was that in our darkest moments, each of us feels there is something to hold on it, and sometimes the only "something" you may have is God.&nbsp; Only someone who has walked through the darkest of moments herself could understand the significance of this for Matt, and for all of us.<br /><br />We are at the stage when we, as parents, are realizing the fruits of our parenting labor.&nbsp; We are seeing things being put into practice, skills being utilized, and a gradual maturing into the people we had hoped our kids would become.&nbsp; They aren't "launched" yet, and might not be for years to come, but they are making steps toward it.&nbsp; And who knows, saying "Yes" to God may mean our entire family life looks different from the cultural norm as this process continues.&nbsp;<br /><br />That's OK, I like being counter-cultural anyway ;-)&nbsp;<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Kv9wp9RE7bs/WhLvosy4XFI/AAAAAAAARdU/eSMSJ1sRcPQ9bs9IE3sEmrNpUjGIDmVswCLcBGAs/s1600/my-gut-feelings-and-my-faith-tell-me-that-until-god-shuts-a-door-no-human-can-shut-it-quote-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="620" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Kv9wp9RE7bs/WhLvosy4XFI/AAAAAAAARdU/eSMSJ1sRcPQ9bs9IE3sEmrNpUjGIDmVswCLcBGAs/s400/my-gut-feelings-and-my-faith-tell-me-that-until-god-shuts-a-door-no-human-can-shut-it-quote-1.jpg" width="310" /></a></div><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-22933152575139300292017-10-27T23:25:00.001-06:002017-10-27T23:25:37.994-06:00Giving Birth!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OrVwbLIwux0/WfQUMNl1SyI/AAAAAAAARbU/p9DzXXLv9xM5-Jf2jo47gDx9yHpvx9-ZgCLcBGAs/s1600/LiliGraphie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1051" data-original-width="1600" height="210" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OrVwbLIwux0/WfQUMNl1SyI/AAAAAAAARbU/p9DzXXLv9xM5-Jf2jo47gDx9yHpvx9-ZgCLcBGAs/s320/LiliGraphie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />I have a new baby!&nbsp; No, it is not an animal, and no, it is not another child (though if I were a wee bit younger, you could bet it would be!).&nbsp; It has kept me incredibly busy and is surprising me, frankly.<br /><br />In 2013, I started a web site that was really a&nbsp;place to empty my favorites folder into, and I figured I might as well do it publicly as others might find the information helpful.&nbsp; So, I listed it all, then promptly forgot about it.&nbsp; By that, I mean I truly didn't give it another thought and hadn't visited the site in four years.&nbsp;<br /><br />This past winter I received a couple emails from moms who had discovered some broken links.&nbsp; I sort of ignored it, as honestly, my head was nowhere near being in a place to give that any more thought than I had the prior four years!!&nbsp; Just too much going on personally for me.&nbsp; Late this summer, I felt a strong urge to see what I might be able to do with it.&nbsp; I don't know why, other than God nudged it I guess.&nbsp; I tend to say "yes" when God asks things of me, because it leads me on unexpected extraordinary adventures.&nbsp;<br /><br />My web site is called <i><a href="http://www.bluecollarhomeschool.com/" target="_blank">Blue Collar Homeschool</a>&nbsp;</i>and it contains a list of resources for families who are homeschooling kids who are likely to be headed toward Blue Collar careers...you know, Vocational or Trade School bound learners.&nbsp; In the homeschooling arena, there is little shared about kids who are not college bound, and few resources available.&nbsp; I feel this is a shame, not just for homeschoolers but in public schools as well, so I wanted to share what I had found for our own kids, some of whom are not likely to go to college.&nbsp; I wanted to create a place on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/496763804008415/" target="_blank">Facebook </a>that partnered with the web site where we could share about our very average kids doing the things they love, not prepping for SAT's or taking AP classes.&nbsp; I guess I really wanted a place to celebrate those incredible accomplishments of kids who are not college bound, but who have enormous talents.&nbsp; I also wanted a place for conversation about education in general, about cool trade opportunities, and about teaching kids practical skills and entrepreneurship.<br /><br /><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K8BLaiVc8bo/WfQUYgfoLtI/AAAAAAAARbY/Q2VHJTNPvvc3_haxRyp4Iu9df6jwGwQiQCLcBGAs/s1600/400dpiLogo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="967" data-original-width="1600" height="193" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K8BLaiVc8bo/WfQUYgfoLtI/AAAAAAAARbY/Q2VHJTNPvvc3_haxRyp4Iu9df6jwGwQiQCLcBGAs/s320/400dpiLogo.jpg" width="320" /></a>I spent many hours checking every link, updating it a bit, and creating a logo. All of this takes me far more time because I am clueless about website design, even with "easy" interfaces!&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.bluecollarhomeschool.com/blue-collar-blog" target="_blank">I have a blog there </a>I have been writing for as well, which is why the blog here has gotten short shrift the past couple of weeks.&nbsp; I also got the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/496763804008415/" target="_blank">Facebook group</a> up and running and started planning content for it as best I could, not having a clue what I was doing!&nbsp; I had no idea what to expect, or if I would ever get any members at all, but figured it might be nice to have that as an extension of the blog.<br />&nbsp; I will readily admit it is a dull, unexciting web site, but it holds links to resources, and<br /><br />Somehow, I stumbled on something with this endeavor, and it has stunned me, actually.&nbsp; Our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/496763804008415/" target="_blank">Facebook group</a> has almost 350 members in less than 2 months!&nbsp; It is easy to see how this ministry of a sort could turn into a full time volunteer gig.&nbsp; What warms my heart is how many wonderful comments we have already had about how happy others are to find this "place".&nbsp; The sharing happening there is awesome, and the community gradually forming is something that clearly we all needed.&nbsp; That really matters to me, for I have always desired that those around me never feel alone if I can do anything about it.&nbsp; Though these are all strangers, I am touched that this silly idea has blossomed so quickly and has become a tool for very real connection.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />I have no idea where this little adventure will lead, but I wanted to share it all with you.&nbsp; I will still be blogging regularly here, but am also honing my skills with a <a href="http://www.bluecollarhomeschool.com/blue-collar-blog" target="_blank">different sort of writing over at "BCH"</a> as I am abbreviating it.&nbsp; I am intrigued, challenged, and learning a lot as I work on this little project.&nbsp; I have never written a lot here about homeschooling as a main topic, but it does get woven throughout as a natural part of our lives.&nbsp; Many blogger moms get creative and really turn homeschooling blogs into money makers.&nbsp; I have no desire to do that, though many might find that foolish.&nbsp; Corny as it sounds, I just want to help others if I can, share what I can, and let the Spirit do with it what it will.&nbsp;<br /><br />So, from time to time I may be mentioning <a href="http://www.bluecollarhomeschool.com/" target="_blank">Blue Collar Homeschool</a> here, and I wanted you to understand what I was talking about!&nbsp; And for you praying folk, could I ask for prayers for this group and web site to be a place where relationships are formed that really matter, that hearts feel connected, and that needs are met in terms of access to ideas and resources.</div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-72992447886643182072017-10-21T14:43:00.001-06:002017-10-21T14:43:47.403-06:00We Will All Make It...Somehow<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-K2uGjBzX-d4/WeuxCJJMDCI/AAAAAAAARaw/L81sAHUBUoQ7IgqsFjMSk4LohyiFY8RKwCLcBGAs/s1600/critical-thinking-brain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="346" data-original-width="346" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-K2uGjBzX-d4/WeuxCJJMDCI/AAAAAAAARaw/L81sAHUBUoQ7IgqsFjMSk4LohyiFY8RKwCLcBGAs/s320/critical-thinking-brain.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />He sits there, eyes rapidly blinking, Adam's apple bobbing, unable to utter a sound.&nbsp; Something is misfiring in his brain, and darned if we can figure it out.&nbsp; Matthew is struggling recently with communication in certain moments, and we are not quite sure what is happening, but we have seen it in the past once in a great while.&nbsp; In moments of stress, it is as if everything shuts down, his processing speed slows to a crawl, and nothing can be accessed.<br /><br />Recently we have had this happen a couple of times, and it has been a little scary for both of us.&nbsp; This last time a week ago, there were simple questions being asked that made him feel "put on the spot" just a bit, and we saw this shut down.&nbsp; Rather than let it go, and knowing that with both of us being frustrated we needed to just cool down a moment, I asked him to sit at the table with me and talk this through.&nbsp; He had misinterpreted my questions as accusations, and I was soon to really understand why...<br /><br />"So, can you tell me what is going on?", I asked, hoping we could get to the bottom of this.<br /><br />Finally able to speak, and frustrated...and probably a bit angry with me...he said, "I don't know!&nbsp; It is like I literally don't understand what you are saying, and it doesn't matter how you word it!"<br /><br />This simple question about internet trouble in our home had turned into something much different.<br /><br />I begin to describe what I see, "You look totally blank when this happens, as if you are suddenly not even here, like you are flat.&nbsp; But what you need to know is that it makes it look to the outside like you are trying hard to come up with an excuse or a quick lie to get out of something.&nbsp; I know that's not the case, but others will not understand this, but YOU need to understand how they may interpret this."<br /><br />"That's not IT!", he exclaimed, crushed.<br /><br />And then, it was clear what was needed, and I let the tears start showing in my eyes, and then I told him through my own sobs, "Matt, I am so sorry this happens.&nbsp; I know how hard it must be and you have no control over it.&nbsp; I hate that you have to struggle so much!!&nbsp; I'd give anything to fix this, but I can't." and that was all it took, and holding one another we gave in to the grief we had yet to really ever express but that had been building.&nbsp; This is a special sort of grief, the kind of which few ever experience but that seems to be my lot in life...the grieving that occurs when bright brains don't work...<i>can't work</i>...despite the best efforts.&nbsp;<br /><br />One of the big reasons we decided to homeschool was that Matt's needs weren't being met in public school.&nbsp; Through a public-homeschool alternative program we later utilized he was tested and found to be both gifted and learning disabled with Dysgraphia which is a writing disability, something that took us awhile to figure out.&nbsp; What we were told at the time was that he had "maxed out" the test for spatial reasoning, which wasn't a surprise for us, and was highly gifted in a couple of areas, by 5th grade he was reading at a 10th grade level as tested, hence the reason he no longer could fit in a traditional class setting.&nbsp;<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3uH4leMepnE/WeuxI78ytsI/AAAAAAAARa0/Jq0eyeXnVi0w0WKXVpB9TLGUKsxuFq7JgCLcBGAs/s1600/EL-blog-chi-FastButSlow-682x445.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="445" data-original-width="682" height="208" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3uH4leMepnE/WeuxI78ytsI/AAAAAAAARa0/Jq0eyeXnVi0w0WKXVpB9TLGUKsxuFq7JgCLcBGAs/s320/EL-blog-chi-FastButSlow-682x445.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />But when we were told about his Dysgraphia, we were also told that he had an extremely slow processing speed.&nbsp; This was not something we had anticipated, though it did answer some unasked questions.&nbsp; We have always said Matt has one speed, moderately slow, and even physically if there was a fire in the house he would really be unable to move quickly.&nbsp; We just thought it was part of his nature, not a real disability or issue, but more that he was one of those slower more methodical people we all encounter in life.&nbsp; He was so intelligent, that we never really gave "speed" of thinking much thought, and always accepted it as part of who Matt was and never got angry with him when he simply walked through the world at half speed.<br /><br />I stood there, holding him close, his sobs and mine intermingling.&nbsp; I am so tired of the suffering of my kids, I can't begin to tell you.&nbsp; Just when you think things are moving along well, something else comes along and bites us in the behind.&nbsp; We seem to never be able to escape their pasts, their beginnings that shaped them into the wonderfully resilient, kind young adults they are becoming but also caused irreparable harm. As their mom, I just want it all to be easier, even if I can see how it has also helped them have more empathy and more understanding.&nbsp;<br /><br />He apologized for taking his frustration out on me, and I accepted and told him that I needed to ask him for lots of grace, as I too am at a loss.&nbsp; Every single disability our kids have has been diagnosed because I took them to specialists for testing to confirm what I had researched and thought was possibly what we were dealing with, even to the point of taking Kenny to the University of Washington's Fetal Alcohol clinic.&nbsp; I have had to dig, and guess, and tap my internet friends for ideas, and then beg for testing to confirm a suspected diagnosis...basically, I have sort of had to be a neurologist and special ed teacher all in one, because the diagnosis is only the first step...then, how do you best teach it?&nbsp; And Dominick totally "gets" this is why I have thousands of hours logged on the internet...<br /><br />And that doesn't include the role as therapist for so much heartbreak.<br /><br />I asked Matt to work with me and not assume I was going to accuse him of something.&nbsp; I reminded him I was doing my very best to guess sometimes if he was "having a moment" or if he was being a typical teen who, believe it or not, is NOT totally perfect.&nbsp; Well, at least not all the time ;-)&nbsp; I explained that he needed grace and kindness from me, and I needed it from him as well, and that it was really important for him to not view my questions as "interrogation" when he felt blameless, and instead view them as attempts to figure out what is causing the glitch, and where/when exactly it is coming into play.<br /><br />We held hands, and we talked briefly about how having a slow processing speed does <i>not</i>&nbsp;mean "stupid", and that I would never, ever think that of him, but I knew at times he might be scared others would thinks so if certain things took him longer than others.&nbsp; I explained that mostly, people would think that he was a thoughtful guy who didn't throw things out off the cuff, but that if he was asked a direct question and he "blanked out", that the look he gave others and the lack of response led them to think he might be trying to come up with an excuse.&nbsp; I also explained how I have accommodated his slower processing speed at home for years, by giving him the chance to wait until all the others had answered the question asked, then allowing him to contribute last.&nbsp; We talked about self-advocacy, and stopping in the moment to explain to others that he needed a moment longer to think because his brain moves at a slower speed sometimes.&nbsp; We teased a little, wiped our tears, and knew we now had more to think about as we contemplate his future.<br /><br />Driving is proving challenging for both Angela and Matt for similar reasons, it seems, and it is this slow processing speed that is getting in the way.&nbsp; For Angela, she can hear my instructions clearly and interpret them, but her brain simply can&nbsp; not act fast enough based upon the instructions in situations where she lacks confidence.&nbsp; Believe it or not, I am teaching them all the recorder (The little instrument, yes, you can have sympathy for me now) and I am seeing it play out even there as she struggles far more than the other kids to make her hands move when she feels pressured to "keep up" or make her body do something when she has to think hard about it.&nbsp; Behind the wheel, what comes naturally for many of us...things like being reasonably centered in the lane, or saying "stop here" and she can't get the instruction interpreted fast enough and then think about her foot then move her foot onto the brake peddle.&nbsp; Nothing is intuitive.<br /><br />With Matt, he is also struggling with processing speed, but for him it is anxiousness at doing a new task almost shutting off his ability to comprehend the words I am saying.&nbsp; No joke, one time we were out practicing in a cemetery and he is unable to turn correctly...at 5 mph...starting too late, not turning the steering wheel enough, etc.&nbsp; I am not a "yeller" so we are always calm about it, but I said with growing urgency, "Turn, turn, TURN..." and he was able to brake, but then looked at me and I asked, "Why didn't you turn more?" and again he told me, "I literally didn't understand what you meant..." and this was the first time I think his awareness grew around his processing speed being an issue, and he was clearly a little scared.&nbsp; "What else would you have me say, Matt?&nbsp; What would help?&nbsp; I don't know what would help..." and we determined that using as little language as possible but showing him would help.&nbsp; So, I got out of the car, switched sides, and proceeded to take tons of turns with him watching, I went very slowly and explained with as few words as possible and breaking it down into steps where to begin the turn, how far to turn the wheel, etc.&nbsp; Then he was more able to do so when we changed seats again.<br /><br />Angela and I talked a lot about driving and other things when I took her out this week, and what others don't understand is how embarrassing it can be to struggle to do things others find pretty easy.&nbsp; When your brain doesn't take in or work with information the same as everyone else's, you find that hard to explain.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1ONYuQBhQp0/Weuxc-AJ6GI/AAAAAAAARa4/hg1YiVyGe0cDWQ5oVdYgGrj_pYdT1PYzwCLcBGAs/s1600/CNdFy9EXAAEOtQM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="486" data-original-width="505" height="307" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1ONYuQBhQp0/Weuxc-AJ6GI/AAAAAAAARa4/hg1YiVyGe0cDWQ5oVdYgGrj_pYdT1PYzwCLcBGAs/s320/CNdFy9EXAAEOtQM.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And yet I am so proud of these two young adults!!&nbsp; They are patient with me and themselves, they are willing to look at the hard stuff and deal with it, and not pretend it isn't there.&nbsp; There is no attitude, no nastiness, no rancor.&nbsp; Just moments of clarity that are hard, and then acceptance and problem solving.<br /><br />No one knows how hard life can be at this stage with challenges like this, they see an ordinary group of teens whose invisible disabilities aren't always present.&nbsp; Matt is flying a plane, for goodness sake!&nbsp; Why can't he drive a car?&nbsp; Wellllll...decisions made in a plane are allowed more time.&nbsp; Turns are planned well in advance, miles ahead, and there are not distractions like kids playing in streets, other cars coming at you, road signs to read and interpret, turn signals to activite, windshield wipers to turn on, speed to watch that changes constantly depending upon the road you are on, 3 mirrors to keep an eye on while looking out the windshield.&nbsp; Flying is an entirely different activity requiring different...methodical...skills.<br /><br />Matt asked me the other day if I knew what "apraxia" was, and I told him that I thought it may have something to do with his inability to speak at certain moments, but that I had yet to look into it much because we were really just beginning to see this come into play.&nbsp; I was pleased that he was researching things himself, and throwing out ideas.&nbsp; A chip off the old block, maybe :-)<br /><br />We move into young adulthood with these amazing teens, each fighting to make it on their own, each needing security to be who they are, to learn more about what they can and can't do in the world through no fault of their own.&nbsp; They are working against so much, and yet continue to grow and mature.&nbsp; It won't look the same as other families, it will take a lot longer and we all know that.&nbsp; Others may judge, but they don't really know...they don't know how far we have come, all we have overcome, and all we still have to figure out.<br /><br />But we know, and we are a team...and we will all make it somehow.</div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-16570838366115422562017-10-19T15:02:00.000-06:002017-10-19T15:02:02.812-06:00To Be Understood, a "Friendaversary" Tale<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8rRqlHOQd3I/WekOI1V1adI/AAAAAAAARaI/EhG0MTC45IQdjzhnuoag4TF0wnlMP6Y5ACLcBGAs/s1600/39010e3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="620" height="257" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8rRqlHOQd3I/WekOI1V1adI/AAAAAAAARaI/EhG0MTC45IQdjzhnuoag4TF0wnlMP6Y5ACLcBGAs/s400/39010e3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>One afternoon a little over three years ago, I sat on my living room couch trying desperately and unsuccessfully to hold myself together as I was explaining to a dear older friend how I was feeling.&nbsp; I was drained from the day to day work with our special needs crew, I was growing ever more isolated as a stay-at-home homeschooling mom who didn't quite fit anywhere, and I was more lonely than I can recall ever being in my entire life.&nbsp; Sure, I had friends I interacted with at church, and I had my family (Yea, YOU try maintaining your sanity with a houseful of teens and pre-teens 24/7! Hahaha!), but what was missing was a deep connection with someone who "got it".&nbsp; Many of my friends were well beyond their parenting years, or had never parented at all, and they either shook their head saying, "Man, I have no idea how you do it!" or "I don't know WHY you do it!"...both similar words yet very different statements.&nbsp; There was no malice meant whatsoever, but a simple lack of understanding of my singular life.<div><br /></div><div>We had started homeschooling when Matt was in fifth grade, and it was like trying to jump into a well formed clique that was strong and had been for years before we came along.&nbsp; This, too, was not out of malice, but is just sort of how life goes.&nbsp; Being more progressive in my theological understandings and being in the homeschool arena also left me feeling uncertain, as the homeschool world where we live, as in most places, is largely Christian and can lean far more conservative than we are.&nbsp; This isn't a problem for me at all, and I love my Christian friends of all ilk, but I was always afraid of letting the real me show and feared being rejected because I said the wrong thing.&nbsp; Like millions of Protestant Christians in America, I do not take the Bible literally, but I do take it seriously...however in certain homeschooling circles that admission alone can brand you a heathen.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back was after the first volleyball practice of the season, when I went in and politely chatted with a few of the moms as I always had in prior years, and one of them turned to me and said, "Oh, are your kids playing this year?" and not quite understanding I responded, "Yes, just like we do every year." and she looked at me quizzically and said, "I don't remember seeing you or any of them last year." and then turned to talk to another mom, totally clueless about the impact her words had made on me.</div><div><br /></div><div>We had literally had five kids playing on three teams the year before, and I had visited with this very mom at almost every single practice and game.&nbsp; We were so distant from being considered part of the "core group" and my family and I mattered so little that it hadn't even been noted that we were in attendance for an entire season.</div><div><br /></div><div>I went to the car, more heavy hearted than I had been in years, and despite my best efforts started sobbing.&nbsp; I had tried so hard to visit, to be warm, to engage others in conversation despite how hard it is for me as a bit of an introvert, and still it didn't matter.&nbsp; Something shifted for me in that very moment, and I realized it was pointless to try and make much more effort to try and fit in where I truly just wasn't going to fit.&nbsp; I prayed on the drive home for God to reach into my heart and help me cope with feeling so lonely, to help me learn how to live with this as it was imperative that we continued to homeschool for the sake of our kids and I was committed to that with my whole heart, but I was aching with the seclusion that brought.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>You see, I had even moved beyond my prayers for closer friendships and companionship and was simply asking for God to help me accept this as the way my life was going to be.&nbsp; I had given up, and just needed to find a way to be OK with it all.&nbsp; Aside from the lack of connection in the homeschooling community, our unusual situation with our kids meant that I didn't even have anyone who understood our life from a parenting perspective.&nbsp; We have to make so many decisions that are counter to what other parents do, and we have to parent such a wide range of abilities and disabilities, emotional trauma, neglect, and more, and I have been the interpreter of the world to my children, but am also sadly in the role of interpreter of my children to the world.&nbsp; Your standard parent hasn't had to deal with the rejection of an infant due to Reactive Attachment Disorder that takes years and years of work to heal, they haven't had kids hit their heads because their brains don't work and cry out as they say, "I am so stupid!&nbsp; I am SO STUPID!", they haven't had to parent children who have witnessed murder, who have suffered institutionalization, who have had their hearts, bodies and minds crushed by the very people who were supposed to protect them.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>I had perhaps one or two people I knew at all via the internet who had adopted so many kids from orphanages overseas, let alone kids significantly older.&nbsp; I had no role models, no one I could call with the sometimes terrifying issues we dealt with every single day, no one who understood how much damage was being done to my own spirit as I was the emotional sponge for all the very real pain I was absorbing in our home every day.&nbsp; Don't get me wrong, we were truly happy, too, and still are, solely thanks to our invitation to God to be smack dab in the middle of our lives, but it has been harder than I can ever explain.</div><div><br /></div><div>So as I sat there, unsuccessfully keeping the tears from flowing as I shared with my friend who truly loved me but&nbsp; with whom I also didn't share much in common, how I was just wrecked, lonely beyond belief, and felt at moments like I was always going to be alone. I was fifteen years into a journey that I would STILL take over again, but was beaten down and declaring loneliness the winner.&nbsp; I don't know if I had ever allowed myself to be quite so vulnerable up until that point.</div><div><br /></div><div>Barely a month later, my sweet friend Mary who heard my heart that day introduced me via Facebook to someone she had met at a conference a few days prior, someone the Spirit had told her to connect with, and she listened and felt something strong that she couldn't ignore.&nbsp; Through a series of "Divine Coincidences", Mary stumbled upon the person who would quickly become the best friend I would ever have...all because she listened to the Spirit guiding her to keep nudging us together.</div><div><br /></div><div>Tentatively, trusting Mary's gut, Rev. Candi Ashenden and I began communicating through emails and Facebook, trying to ascertain what it was that Mary saw might be there for each of us.&nbsp; Our first real communication was when she asked me to send her the copy of a sermon I had just delivered, wondering if maybe she could find something for us to talk about, as Mary kept bugging us :-)&nbsp; That was all it took (not that the sermon was that good, trust me!) as Candi was able to see my true heart somehow in the lines of that sermon, and we began to develop a deeply meaningful long distance friendship that sustains each of us today.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UVL06eC6vpg/WekLnjFHTrI/AAAAAAAARZ8/ACp32Ucz4BgyqK8y-2kkFdG6NuiK-yNaQCLcBGAs/s1600/ADSC01670%2B%25281%2529_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UVL06eC6vpg/WekLnjFHTrI/AAAAAAAARZ8/ACp32Ucz4BgyqK8y-2kkFdG6NuiK-yNaQCLcBGAs/s400/ADSC01670%2B%25281%2529_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Three years later, on this day we celebrate our third "Friendaversary".&nbsp; At first glance, it would be hard to see how we could have anything in common at all, me a homeschooling mom of five kids most of whom have learning disabilities, no college degree, total Southern California attitude at times who also has a lot of Colorado rural common sense, straight and married for 30 years to my high school sweetheart...then there is Candi who is a highly educated fairly naive (versus SoCal!!) pastor with a bit of a typical New England insularity, who has two academically high performing kids who attend private schools, with her spouse, Pam, who is an attorney.</div><div><br /></div><div>But you know what?&nbsp; First glances can be so deceiving...</div><div><br /></div><div>We are both committed to our families and would do anything for them, and we love our spouses and work to keep our marriages strong like any long married couple does, gay or straight (She and Pam have been married 20 years).&nbsp; She has a child who struggles with high functioning autism and it brought to her a sensitivity and understanding about my own kids...as it did to me with hers, each of whom I love as fiercely as I do my own.&nbsp; We both love to write, to talk about ideas, to brainstorm.&nbsp; We both talk...a LOT! Hahaha!&nbsp; We both are INFJ's on the Meyers Briggs personality profile, that oddball 1-2% of the population who are intuitive and have a unique set of qualities that few others have (quirky, we are!).&nbsp; There is a love for learning that comes through with each of us, to the point of being annoying :-)</div><div><br /></div><div>But it is perhaps in the area of our faith where we most closely align, walking it with all we are worth.&nbsp; It doesn't matter at all that she is a pastor for she would be the same way whether she was a secretary or a teacher or a pastor, but with Candi I can share my daily interactions with the Spirit and my faith and not worry that I am making someone else uncomfortable.&nbsp; The biggest part of my life doesn't have to be hidden...my excitement when God 2x4's me, my seeking prayer for God to reveal the right path for me to take, my abiding sense that God guides all our family does...it can all be talked about as we actually DO talk about it in our family, as part of our regular old daily life and not as if it is reserved only for Women's Group or for sharing Joys and Concerns on Sunday morning.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eNUxJzhRHDA/WekQS6Xs9dI/AAAAAAAARaU/xTQmZLvwzJUsuKnnqYTnosttYAQTg4KIgCLcBGAs/s1600/a1e5165d804b32c0cb9441376ca79c50--friendship-sayings-friendship-quotes-inspirational.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eNUxJzhRHDA/WekQS6Xs9dI/AAAAAAAARaU/xTQmZLvwzJUsuKnnqYTnosttYAQTg4KIgCLcBGAs/s200/a1e5165d804b32c0cb9441376ca79c50--friendship-sayings-friendship-quotes-inspirational.jpg" width="200" /></a>This friendship has saved me in a very literal way, and it was God who saved me through it.&nbsp; I suspect she might say the same thing.&nbsp; I have never met a kinder, warmer, more authentic, loving human being, and the lives of my entire family are richer for the presence of her and her family.&nbsp; She is the sister I needed and never had.&nbsp; No one has ever treated me with as much respect for my intellect despite my lack of education, and has seen more possibility in me, nor encouraged me as strongly as Candi has.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>I remember after the second email we sent back and forth going to Dominick and telling him, "I am getting to know someone Mary introduced me to who I need you to know feels like a 'keeper', it is the same sense of knowing I had with you and with each of our kids...I'm just letting you know someone important may be entering our life." and my dear husband, having years and years of being part of that unusual "knowing" I seem to have and being blessed by it with our kids, trusted me 100% and took me very seriously.&nbsp; He also trusts how God works in our lives, and that in this arena, it is me who hears, and in other arenas, it is his job to be hearing and my job to trust.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DGCgAMtz7VY/WekLLOyFroI/AAAAAAAARZ0/3JHvwNG4XrYXJnpTgkuoVZHNFyhfadrVwCEwYBhgL/s1600/B29313EC-A5EE-4EE6-A4F2-F91D1B1D815A_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DGCgAMtz7VY/WekLLOyFroI/AAAAAAAARZ0/3JHvwNG4XrYXJnpTgkuoVZHNFyhfadrVwCEwYBhgL/s400/B29313EC-A5EE-4EE6-A4F2-F91D1B1D815A_Fotor.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>This is the friendship that shouldn't be...the one that distance alone ought to have kept from blossoming.&nbsp; We should have never met, we should have never found our common ground.&nbsp; This is the one that was truly a gift from God, one that could never have been orchestrated by either of us.&nbsp; This friend is the one my children and husband needed, where aunties and cousins were included.&nbsp; This is the one who would drop everything and "show up" to be beside me as my kids suffered through surgeries, as they experienced new self awarenesses that were hard to accept, and as we work our way gently and steadily toward adult independence that will take longer and look quite different.&nbsp; This friendship is the one with wisdom to share that helps me be more creative, more honest, and most certainly more whole.&nbsp; This friendship is the one where God can also be placed in the middle without reservation or concern.</div><div><br /></div><div>English may not offer us other words as some languages do, and it inhibits us from expressing the many different kinds of love we all experiences.&nbsp; We hear of "love stories" and we think of romantic love, but every once in awhile God offers love to us in extraordinary ways, through the unlikeliest of relationships.&nbsp; Friendships, when deep and true, can fill us up in completely different ways.&nbsp; We can love others' children, we can love entire families as they join ours, we can love other couples who fill grandparent gaps in our lives...love is in short supply in the world these days, so why limit it??&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xw_TPPJMwHY/WekK9SHjpDI/AAAAAAAARZw/kWluRx0FF4YdVzufCxS_6Ges81t16upCwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_7795.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xw_TPPJMwHY/WekK9SHjpDI/AAAAAAAARZw/kWluRx0FF4YdVzufCxS_6Ges81t16upCwCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_7795.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-88257605422000364162017-10-16T21:06:00.002-06:002017-10-16T21:06:50.939-06:00We Belong to One Another<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fndE0C6yKlI/WeUmZH9vNQI/AAAAAAAARZE/-deZJLLV72g01DWU4xC4k-JDBGROVYggQCLcBGAs/s1600/DLmclfEWsAAlX7R.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="670" data-original-width="1200" height="222" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fndE0C6yKlI/WeUmZH9vNQI/AAAAAAAARZE/-deZJLLV72g01DWU4xC4k-JDBGROVYggQCLcBGAs/s400/DLmclfEWsAAlX7R.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />There is a theme that has risen to the surface for me the past several months, and I always pay attention to these themes that appear for a season, as they almost always speak to me of approaching changes or opportunities.&nbsp; For the past year and a half or so the theme of "letting go of ego" was incredibly valuable for me to work with, and it appeared before me in writings, in real life examples, and in song.&nbsp; Clearly, the Spirit was working with me to elicit much needed shifts in thinking.&nbsp; Letting go of my own ego's needs was highly important as I moved on to this next stage of my life, and it allowed me to let go of circumstances that were unhealthy for me.<br /><br />The theme recently cropping up is about loneliness and belonging.&nbsp; Article after article is being written about American's loneliness and isolation, and that isn't reserved just for the elderly.&nbsp; Our digital world allows for more communication, but it is often shallow, lacking depth and authenticity.&nbsp; We are fooled by the number of Facebook friends we have, the number of "likes" we get on Instagram, or the number of page views we get on our blogs.&nbsp; It leads to ego feeding, as well as soul hiding...the more we reveal, the less authentic we sometimes become and we only allow our "public persona" to show.&nbsp; It leaves us ever more alone, contrary to what our social media statistics might say.&nbsp; There is nothing quite like connecting in person with someone, where body language can be read, where a hand can be touched, where a glance can say it all.&nbsp;<br /><br />We humans have an innate desire to belong.&nbsp; Isolation is not our preferred state, and it actually does incredible harm.&nbsp; But being <i>around</i>&nbsp;others is not at all the same as<i>&nbsp;belonging</i> to others, and it is the sense of belonging that fills us up, brings us the deepest satisfaction, and nurtures our souls so we can continue on as the healthiest versions of ourselves.&nbsp; When we don't belong, we yearn for something we can't quite put our finger on...we ache inside, and we are very often afraid of appearing vulnerable so we never reveal our heart's longing to feel we belong.<br /><br />Our family recently experienced about a year and a half long period of gradually deepening mourning and loss, and it caused us to pull inward while still searching for our new place to belong.&nbsp; Leaving our old church family was necessary and powerful, but sometimes doing what you have to do still leaves you lonely and feeling a little desolate.&nbsp; We are a fairly social bunch, even the introverts among us (That would be Matt, Olesya and I!), and we need community.&nbsp; The Mother Theresa quote above speaks to it well, we had no peace because we didn't belong to anyone.<br /><br />Finding our new church home, Shepherd of the Valley Lutheran Church, was an incredible blessing, and though everyone was as warm and welcoming as could be, what we felt when we joined was really more the potential to really belong rather than a reality that had been lived into.&nbsp; Creating connections with others takes time, it takes opportunity to be together, and it takes an open heart and a willingness to be vulnerable on both sides.&nbsp; The distance is making it a little harder to enter into communal life because we simply can not be there for everything, and the two and a half hour round trip might make others hesitate to ask us to attend things, because they are sensitive to the amount of time it takes...so are we, and it has made us hesitant to ask others into our home as well because of the time imposition.<br /><br />But what about when people truly work at trying to get to know you?&nbsp; What happens when effort is made, and when others actually <i>want you to feel you belong?</i>&nbsp; Magic, pure and simple, that's what happens.&nbsp;<br /><br />Yesterday, our family was invited to brunch at the home of one couple from church who were themselves long past child raising years, and we were joined by another lovely couple from choir who has truly gone out of their way to chat with us each and every time they see us.&nbsp; Their excitement at having all of us was surprising, as honestly, who really wants a 15 passenger van full of teens rolling up and emptying out to fill up your home, and eat like there is no tomorrow?&nbsp;<br /><br />So much thought and care had been put into hosting us, even to the point of a phone call earlier in the week to check on drink preferences for the kids!&nbsp; We walked in to a gorgeous fall tablescape, and were instantly made to feel at home.&nbsp; Though the food was wonderful, what really filled us up was the fact that every adult at the table spoke directly with the kids, even having given thought to questions to ask them to elicit responses.&nbsp; Stories were shared by everyone, as we also got to know our new friends better and gained a sense of their own history that we had not been present for.&nbsp; It is hard to try to get to know a large group of people whose lives have been intertwined for many years, and you don't know the backstory.&nbsp; We have been lucky that so many have taken the time to share or explain things, reflecting a sensitivity to our lack of institutional knowledge.&nbsp;<br /><br />This theme of belonging emerged earlier in the day when we had a guest speaker in worship from a program called Mosaic, which serves those with developmental delays.&nbsp; The program director shared about how we have to move beyond the "acts of charity" in terms of being inclusive, to understanding that every single person has dreams, needs community, and has something to offer the world. Regardless of what delays a person may have or disabilities that they struggle with, everyone needs to belong in an authentic way that doesn't wreak of tokenism.&nbsp; I don't even need to tell you how much of an impact this made on Kenny, in particular, as he nodded and grinned throughout her time speaking with us.<br /><br />Another mental picture of belonging formed as I returned to the sanctuary a little late as Bible study had already started, and there without any other LaJoy present was Matt sitting alongside a long time member who he was quietly visiting with. I don't even know why that hit me the way it did, but there was a companionable comfort level that Matt doesn't often have with others.&nbsp; His wife soon joined them, and there was Matt, right between the two of them as if he just <i>belonged</i>&nbsp;there.&nbsp; The rest of the family soon joined me in the pew behind, and we all shared our thoughts on the topic for the day, just as if we had been doing this for years.&nbsp;<br /><br />Belonging...when one looks up the definition, one meaning of the word is "a close or intimate relationship, a sense of belonging".&nbsp; It doesn't just mean you have agreed to join something or are included, but in its truest sense it also can imply acceptance and attachment...an intimate knowing.&nbsp;<br /><br />Standing in the living room after brunch, as we slowly began to make our way towards the door to leave, all eleven of us formed an unplanned circle as everyone was laughing and engaged with one another on a little deeper level.&nbsp; Each of the kids had been intentionally conversed with, not just as "those LaJoy kids" but as unique individuals...they were "seen" in a new way.&nbsp; Often folks lump them together as a gaggle of kids, and rarely take the time to get to know them each for the funny, terrific, wonderful young people they are (OK, I am their mom and this is MY blog, so sue me if I think they totally rock~!!!).&nbsp;<br /><br />There was a warmth felt in this group that touched me deeply, and how could I not feel we belonged when both of our hosts, near tears, spoke of the blessing it was to have us as part of the congregation.&nbsp; Try as I may, there really is no way to express how important church is to our family, how special this community is to us, and how desperately we need God's presence in our lives through the very hearts of these people...our new church family.&nbsp; Our life together in this family is not an easy one, but it <i>is</i>&nbsp;one I wouldn't trade with a single soul.&nbsp; However, without God, we are flat out not going to make it.&nbsp; We have too much we are struggling against, too much lack of acceptance of our differences when we are "in the world", too much that feels so hard on a daily basis.&nbsp; The joy we have is something each and every one of us is convinced comes solely from God being smack dab in the middle of our lives.&nbsp;<br /><br />I couldn't help it, and just as we were ready to leave, I said it felt like we should part in prayer.&nbsp; Holding hands, some familiar, some less so, but all recognizing that we are part of God's wider family and that we all desire to share God's love, we prayed together.&nbsp;<br /><br />And in that moment, <i>we all belonged to one another.</i>&nbsp;<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6jX6_L6SK-s/WeVzqVbckvI/AAAAAAAARZU/MW_F9yngy5Uoq13xfzkcAS4apNn_gLYQwCLcBGAs/s1600/20150430-Swindell-Value.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="435" data-original-width="652" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6jX6_L6SK-s/WeVzqVbckvI/AAAAAAAARZU/MW_F9yngy5Uoq13xfzkcAS4apNn_gLYQwCLcBGAs/s400/20150430-Swindell-Value.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-85145717227387436522017-10-09T23:22:00.000-06:002017-10-09T23:22:26.335-06:00Leaning In<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3qDqyMj_mx4/WdwKYbWWBFI/AAAAAAAARX4/s5EpzFtagho3csKjDuW4lq1HbmnvvVZBACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_2491.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3qDqyMj_mx4/WdwKYbWWBFI/AAAAAAAARX4/s5EpzFtagho3csKjDuW4lq1HbmnvvVZBACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_2491.JPG" width="300" /></a></div><br /><br />I have been pondering how to approach writing this post for several days, and even now as I sit to try and write for the third time I know I don't have it quite right, but it won't leave me so I will give it a shot, and apologize ahead of time if it is incoherent or plain old pointless.&nbsp; It is long, it is winding, it is heartfelt, and it needs to be written if only to reinforce things for myself.&nbsp;<br /><br />This week was a profoundly important one for both Kenny and I.&nbsp; Our day long annual cleft lip and palate clinic was unremarkable as it pertained to Kenny's health, and the next surgery will be delayed a year as his orthodontic work needs to be further along.&nbsp; However, it was only afterward that we understood the real reason the two of us were alone for an extended period of time.<br /><br />God had some work to do on our hearts and minds.<br /><br />The past several months, we have sort of "lost" our deeper, more enthusiastic Kenny.&nbsp; At first Dominick and I attributed it to summer haze, and the lack of working his brain daily on school work.&nbsp; Over time, it became more clear that something more was going on.&nbsp; Since he turned18, I have tried to back off a bit more, to allow him space to mature and take on more of his own life.&nbsp; He has also been encouraged by us to advocate for himself, to explain to others that he has a disability and needs supports in place in the form of other people helping him, extra time to record things so he won't forget, etc.&nbsp; In other words, I have been doing the same thing in many ways as I have with Matt who is 8 months younger...letting him run his own life more, and stepping back.<br /><br />Kenny, in turn, has pulled back a bit, trying to live into his 18 year old self while being far more aware than any other 18 year old young man ought to be of the gentle pressure his special needs place on my own shoulders.&nbsp; He recognizes that being his "second brain" is no easy task, and he wants to make it as easy as possible on me.&nbsp;<br /><br />Wow...what a bust this has all been.<br /><br />What has happened is we have a more disconnected son, both with us and with the world at large.&nbsp; Kenny has grown apathetic, "flat", disengaged.&nbsp; His passions have fallen by the wayside, and his overall demeanor has been to just "settle" for the mundane.&nbsp; Watching this gradually happen, I was stumped as to the cause.&nbsp; Was he giving up on a future?&nbsp; Was he more content to just give in to his disabilities?&nbsp; Had I failed him in some way?<br /><br />It was at Shriner's where we both began to notice one thing...as specialists dealt with us throughout the day, many made us feel incredibly uncomfortable about being a "team", about having me present to help answer questions correctly, to interject as needed, and to assist where Kenny struggled.&nbsp; They made me feel like a heavy handed, pushy helicopter mom which made me naturally pull back, and they made Kenny feel as if he wasn't "stepping up to the plate" as a young adult.&nbsp; No amount of explanation of this invisible disability seemed to help, and we have noticed how regularly people are treating us this way outside the medical setting as well.<br /><br />The psychologist, who should have truly been trained at least a little in Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) was actually the worst, trying to insist that I not be present for the interview.&nbsp; I offered to sit back down but also added, "He has already answered important questions incorrectly today, and he thinks he is right, so go ahead but you are not likely to get correct information."&nbsp; I told her I would sit silently, and Kenny could answer anything as best he could without my input.&nbsp; She reluctantly relented, though was clearly displeased, despite Kenny saying he wished for me to be there to help answer questions if his brain hiccuped.<br /><br />Despite the fact that Kenny had already confidently stated he had never had issues with anesthesia, when he had definitely had issues in the past.<br /><br />Despite the fact that Kenny couldn't recall the name of the medication he is on.<br /><br />Despite the fact that Kenny offered the wrong dosage amount of that medication.<br /><br />Despite the fact that Kenny had to stop and think when asked about how many siblings he had.<br /><br />Despite the fact that Kenny could not at all recall what grade he is in.<br /><br />Despite the fact that Kenny couldn't name a single activity or interest he had when asked, and his brain just blanked out.<br /><br />Despite the fact that Kenny, though he tripled checked his packing, had not brought anything to sleep in and slept in jeans for two nights because I hadn't checked all of his items myself.<br /><br />All of this, which happened in a single day, and still we are made to feel as if somehow, we are unhealthily yoked to one another.&nbsp; How anyone could witness such lapses and not understand Kenny's difficulties and the need to have someone assist him is beyond me, but somehow he is still deemed the "boy who never grew up" and I am the proverbial "helicopter mom".<br /><br />It was on the drive back to the airport the next day where the light dawned on us both.<br /><br />"Kenny," I started, "What do you think is really going on for you these days?&nbsp; You just aren't yourself any more, and I don't know what to do.&nbsp; Have you given up?&nbsp; Is there something I can do different?"<br /><br />He sat there, mulling it over, and eventually responded that he just didn't really know, but he agreed that he felt "flat", and had for several months. We spent the next few minutes sort of warming to the conversation, each of us feeling our way toward the exact words to describe what was going on.<br /><br />Then we started talking about the day at Shriner's, and how awkward it really is becoming for both of us with others who don't understand.&nbsp; We can't find the right words to help others see that Kenny needs regular assistance, even if on some days it looks like he doesn't.&nbsp; He is so understanding about my side of this, how it feels to be in my shoes and be judged.&nbsp;<br /><br />As we continued to talk, poking and prodding at the problem at hand, it slowly clicked for us what our real problem is.&nbsp;<br /><br />I need to Lean In.<br /><br />I have leaned out too far, and though understandable at this stage in his life for the normal brain, it is causing a disconnect for Kenny.&nbsp; And I have leaned out because others who think they know what is best for him have judged both he and I, and we are each too busy trying to keep others from judging us or making comments.&nbsp; We have cast aside what works for us, because it disturbs others to see how we must be a team.<br /><br />Finally, Kenny turned to me and said, "Mom, I know this is hard, but what I want to do is give you permission because maybe that will help make it easier for you, and make you feel less like a pushy mom.&nbsp; I need you to take control, I need you to tell me what to do on some things.&nbsp; I don't want to be a burden on you, but I am afraid I will have no life at all if you don't because my brain just can't.&nbsp; Others will never understand, and it bothers me so much what people say to you that they don't have the guts to say to dad or me, but I am giving you permission to push me, to tell me what to do when I don't get it, and to help me have a real life."<br /><br />He put his arm around me, and said, "Please be my helicopter!" and with tears in my eyes, we both laughed.<br /><br />You see, without help, Kenny's brain doesn't initiate actions on his own.&nbsp; We have seen a dullness settle in because he has spent far too much time this summer in front of screens playing video games or watching cartoons (Yes, at 18 he loves cartoons, Sponge Bob being his favorite...FASD means mixed maturity.), and I have let him try and direct himself around things because he is an adult and it feels wrong to dictate to an adult what they can and can't do with their free time.&nbsp; Yet, as he pointed out having observed me with Matt and Josh, I am naturally a non-helicopter mom...letting them fly places alone, ride bikes all over town alone, handle their social life on their own, etc. So Kenny wisely explained to me that my natural parenting style is in conflict with what he needs, which is the exact opposite, and yet then when I do "lean in", I get criticized which is even harder because it really ISN'T who I am or how I parent.&nbsp;<br /><br />This kid is so astute, it blows me away sometimes.&nbsp; He has the ability to see things from so many different angles, he always makes me see things differently.<br /><br />But Kenny can't do what other 18 year olds can do, he can't have free time and actually think of what to do with it.&nbsp; Yea, seriously.&nbsp; So he defaults to the screen.&nbsp; It isn't that he doesn't want a variety of things in his life, but his brain can't initiate it.&nbsp; For example, he will only buy blue Powerade.&nbsp; Why?&nbsp; He loves the other flavors, too, but as he explained it, his brain can't handle making choices so it picks one, and as he says, "defaults" to it.&nbsp; Same thing with eating out, he never veers from getting a hamburger, even when at a place where he loves other foods...because his default makes it easier than sorting through choices.&nbsp; He has even asked me to suggest a different flavor or meal so he has diversity, because he literally can not do it himself.<br /><br />So Kenny, without direction, defaults to the "easy" setting, using a screen.&nbsp; He admits he doesn't even LIKE it as much as he does it, and the minute someone suggests something else, he will jump to do it, but his broken brain can't initiate it in the moment.&nbsp;<br /><br />No one understands that my son, without guidance for the rest of his life, will stop doing things because he can't make them happen on his own.&nbsp; How does one explain THAT to someone?&nbsp; My son is brain damaged. He doesn't look it, and often, he doesn't act it.&nbsp; He is also highly intelligent.&nbsp; But he is brain damaged, and nothing will change that.&nbsp;<br /><br />All day, throughout our travels, our conversation continued as we tore apart the last several months, dissecting it so that we could reconstruct a way to walk through life that will work for each of us.&nbsp; Oh, this lovely young man of mine cares SO MUCH about my life, too!&nbsp; We talked about his future, his dreams...which he admitted he had sort of cast aside recently because it seemed too hard to reach for them if he didn't have me as his partner.&nbsp; He was willing to settle because he thought everyone else would think it was stupid for him to have his mom by his side helping him, and I was willing to allow him to settle because everyone else keeps telling me I am somehow parenting him poorly.<br /><br />They don't know, they never have and they never will.&nbsp; And I am sorry, but I will be DAMNED if I am going to let what works SO WELL in that brain be wasted solely to satisfy others!!!<br /><br />As the day wore on, I literally watched Kenny come to life before me.&nbsp; He excitedly talked about working with kids and deeply desiring that for his future, as well as wanting to learn more about business, and we talked about his capacity to take college courses with the right game plan in place (asynchronous, one at a time maybe, other accommodations in place) so that he could study politics, history, and theology.&nbsp; Many times he said, "But that means more work for you, mom, and I don't want to be a burden." and I told him I would much rather have THIS Kenny in front of me and work hard to help him, than to see the dull version we had been living with recently and have more free time myself.&nbsp; I explained he was never a burden and I always had a choice, and I choose to help him in this world, just as I would any of the other kids in the ways they need it...and likely will for a long time to come as well, for he isn't our only special needs young adult.<br /><br />We decided I would "Lean In" and help him manage his clothing choices each day, which are always wrong for the environment.&nbsp; We decided I would "Lean In" and help him get off the computer and suggest hobbies and remind him daily of things he can do each day other than screens (we both see a tremendous difference in brain function when he is not using it for escapism too much).&nbsp; We decided I would "Lean In" with helping him get his daily personal grooming done each day.&nbsp; We decided I would "Lean In" and offer suggestions for different foods to eat and different beverages to drink.&nbsp; We decided I would "Lean In" and help him imagine a future that is brighter than being a mere stock boy at our store, something that is a fall back for him but would not help him use the gifts that God gave him.<br /><br />Basically, we decided I would "Lean In" in every way, and he promised to do his best to make sure I was never a crutch, and he would do his very best to handle as many things as possible on his own, but the initiating pieces appear almost impossible for him.&nbsp; We established a weekly meeting together, just he and I, to go over weekly, monthly and yearly goals, and to see where we need to adjust my "Leaning In".<br /><br />The animation I saw was almost shocking versus the sluggish Kenny we have had.&nbsp; There was an immediate, tangible difference.&nbsp; And you know what?&nbsp; I will never let anyone else make me feel like I should leave my son alone in his disability ever again.&nbsp; I totally own this one.&nbsp; I was testing the waters, trying to discern what is reasonable and what his needs are.&nbsp; This is true.&nbsp; But I also, sadly, let the opinions of others cause me to pull back precisely when I should have Leaned In.&nbsp;<br /><br />As part of our conversation earlier in the week I had been telling Kenny that no one at church really knew him, that he was not putting himself out there in the ways I know he can, and I couldn't understand it.&nbsp; Was it that he felt uncomfortable in our new church home?&nbsp; No, that wasn't it, and as we talked he came to realize that it was an overall "flatness" that had nothing to do with church, but he could see what I was saying and understood that.&nbsp; Sunday evening, after this awakening, the kids and I went to a church event where over dinner and drinks we discuss issues of the day and how they intersect with our faith.<br /><br />It was as if God was affirming for me that the direction we were taking was indeed the right one.&nbsp; The topic was gun control, and Kenny was back to his usual old self again, so obviously different from these past several months that we all noticed it.&nbsp; His critical thinking gifts shone, he was spot on with his analysis of various situations, and as usual when it comes to these topics his memory oddly isn't an issue and he used data to support his statements.&nbsp; Basically, he presented as the bright young man we have missed so much!&nbsp;<br /><br />Then God hugged me via a message I received after returning home from someone in attendance.&nbsp; She and her husband were talking on the way home, and her husband said, "That kid is going places!", and she had wanted to share that with me.&nbsp; Oh, how I needed that affirmation!&nbsp; She had no idea the perfect timing, and how God used her with that small message of hope for us.&nbsp;<br /><br />When will I learn?&nbsp; When will I stop worrying about being counter cultural?&nbsp; When will I stop being concerned what "the world" thinks about how we live our lives and remain firm in how God has guided us to live and parent?&nbsp; This is my weakness, my fear of others' opinions of me.&nbsp; We have an extraordinarily different set of circumstances and disabilities we are working diligently with to try and get kids as far as they can possible go.&nbsp; We are working with disabilities few understand or can see.&nbsp;<br /><br />No one likes to be criticized, it hurts.&nbsp; Sometimes it hurts a lot.&nbsp; As our kids mature, the criticism increases.&nbsp; I have been advised to develop a thick skin, and yet that thick skin, if developed would work against me.&nbsp; The world, and my family, needs softness,&nbsp; it needs tenderness, it needs forgiveness and awareness and vulnerability.&nbsp; Thick skins wipe away a lot of what I feel is important to model.&nbsp; I don't believe in thick skins, but maybe I can view it differently so it doesn't hurt quite so much.&nbsp; Maybe I can look into Kenny's eyes...or Angela's...or Matt's...or Olesya's...or Josh's...and see all the reasons in the world that make the criticism and the pain worth it.<br /><br />Yea, I think that is a better solution.&nbsp;<br /><br />Lean In...Thin Skin.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/--fDU262nWk0/WdxW9G9ci7I/AAAAAAAARYI/qdGg9jZPUXw0gSLHrVGnl3BRhkh_5lkoQCLcBGAs/s1600/she%2527s%2Bleaning%2Bin%2Bdesign.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="376" data-original-width="1600" height="93" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/--fDU262nWk0/WdxW9G9ci7I/AAAAAAAARYI/qdGg9jZPUXw0gSLHrVGnl3BRhkh_5lkoQCLcBGAs/s400/she%2527s%2Bleaning%2Bin%2Bdesign.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-82413117709014826532017-09-30T14:59:00.001-06:002017-09-30T14:59:23.190-06:00Helen from Germany<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Helen from Germany, who left a blog comment today, I'd love to visit with you more and see if we can be support for each other! &nbsp;Email me at CyndiLJ@aol.com or you can find me on Facebook under Cindy LaJoy in Colorado. &nbsp;Blessings to you, and for your daughter. &nbsp;Let's see if we can connect!</div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-42177223955560409692017-09-29T12:39:00.001-06:002017-09-29T12:39:07.757-06:00Standers and Kneelers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b_BkM8518kQ/Wc6SFlxuT9I/AAAAAAAARVc/_0zwsnnRck4tE9rKnq9nCraSipImksVxgCLcBGAs/s1600/b8258122b6d644fcec2312697144b5c4.325x390x1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="390" data-original-width="325" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b_BkM8518kQ/Wc6SFlxuT9I/AAAAAAAARVc/_0zwsnnRck4tE9rKnq9nCraSipImksVxgCLcBGAs/s320/b8258122b6d644fcec2312697144b5c4.325x390x1.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><br />Kneeling, standing, hand over heart...or not...all of this hullabaloo over NFL players deciding to kneel in protest during the playing of the National Anthem, as well as President Trump's bellicose rhetoric has dominated the news this past couple of weeks.<br /><br />What does it all mean? &nbsp;Why is everyone all fired up? &nbsp;Where does one draw a line?<br /><br />It seems to me that there is more here than meets the eye. &nbsp;We 21st century humans live complex lives in simplified form. &nbsp;We like our sound bites and news snippets in an ever changing world, but we don't want to push ourselves too much to analyze what lies beneath the surface. &nbsp;If it can't be stated in a pithy phrase or a short meme, then we can't grab hold of a concept. &nbsp;"You're fired!", "Stand for the flag, kneel at the cross", "Black Lives Matter"...all are catch phrases which do nothing to help us better understand an issue.<br /><br />Social media is lit up with angry posts, volatile statements, and FB photo frames on both sides of this contentious issue. &nbsp;But you know what cracks me up? &nbsp;We all seem to have forgotten the Bill of Rights! (And no, it is NOT the Constitution that grants freedom of speech and assembly, for those who never studied US government but continue in this argument to point toward the Constitution as granting them rights. &nbsp;The very need to outline these rights was why the Bill of Rights was created, but I digress...)<br /><u><br /></u><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><u>Every single American citizen (Naturalized or by birth)</u>&nbsp;has the right to express themselves however they wish. &nbsp;Yes, that means the flag wavers and Anthem standers have the right to stand, wave, sing, and honor their flag as much as they wish. &nbsp;It means the "take-a-kneers" have every right to kneel during the playing of the Anthem. &nbsp;It means the team owners have the right to fire anyone who represents their team in a way they see as dishonorable (Freedom of speech is protected but you are not protected from the <u>response of others </u>to your use of your freedom to speak. &nbsp;Consequences happen!). &nbsp;It means fans have the right to stop paying to attend games, to burn jerseys and post YouTube videos of the act, and to spread as much vitriol online as they want. It means advertisers have the right to pull commercials if they disagree with the actions which free speech leads to. &nbsp;It means veterans and active duty service people can kneel and remind us this very act of speaking publicly about our beliefs is what they fought for, or they can be disgusted as can be by an act they see as dishonoring their service. &nbsp;It means activists can gather with signs on streets and in front of capitol buildings urging our government to proactively address the inequities that surely all of us see are truly visited on people of color in this country.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ux2zsKeHfZg/Wc6SzM3ZQII/AAAAAAAARVg/BwOLlxmiAIEQdW8IhtJY2kknL_gAEqzWACLcBGAs/s1600/freedom-of-speech-quotes-ab0ozevx.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="850" data-original-width="1350" height="201" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ux2zsKeHfZg/Wc6SzM3ZQII/AAAAAAAARVg/BwOLlxmiAIEQdW8IhtJY2kknL_gAEqzWACLcBGAs/s320/freedom-of-speech-quotes-ab0ozevx.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />In other words, to simplify it, we all have the right to our own opinion and to express it. &nbsp;What is wrong is trying to stifle the rights of other countrymen and women from sharing their opinion. &nbsp;Period.<br /><br />All of it is allowed!! &nbsp;There is <u>nothing</u>&nbsp;that can or should be done to stop it, regardless of the perspective expressed. &nbsp;<i>This is what makes America what it is. </i>You can have any opinion you choose AND you get to share it with all who care to listen. &nbsp;You can act on it as long as no harm comes to others. &nbsp;In fact, many would add that it is literally our duty to stand up...or kneel, as the case may be...when we feel a need to bring about change in our nation or bring attention to an issue we find important. <br /><br />But you know what it all stems from? &nbsp;Love.<br /><br />Now wait a minute, all of this is about love?!?! &nbsp;Aren't these hateful things being said? &nbsp;Isn't there a loathing being expressed? &nbsp;Sure, on the surface in a 30 second sound bite, but again look beneath the surface and you will find love, devotion, and great passion...and those strongly felt emotions can give rise to expressions of anger and actions that we would not normally associate with acts of love. <br /><br />But what it <i>really</i>&nbsp;is, is love for something that another doesn't hold quite as dear. That's all. &nbsp;It comes out all wrong, and we tend to get riled up when others disagree, largely because demonize others for having differing opinions.<br /><br />We don't seem to be able to see it that way, but perhaps if we did our hearts would soften, and we could more easily approach one another and bridge our differences.<br /><br />It is love of country that brings about such potent responses. &nbsp;It is love of justice that causes people to risk lives in protest. &nbsp;It is love of freedom that leads men and women into battle.<br /><br />And what our country is going through right now, is the hard, hard work of active love. &nbsp;Oh, you may say otherwise, but it just might be true. &nbsp;Real love, committed love, often requires sacrifice. &nbsp;It requires attention and care, it requires standing up for the people or ideals you love. <br /><br />So, see? &nbsp;It IS love that rouses such passion in us all, flag wavers and kneelers alike!<br /><br />What is missing though, in all of this love?<br /><b><br /></b><i><b>Love of our fellow humankind, differing opinions and all.</b></i><br /><br />We look at the angry vet who says we are desecrating the very thing he or she fought for, and we fail to see their humanity. &nbsp;We don't want to see their years of sacrifice, their naked fear in battle, their struggle to regain normalcy when they come home. &nbsp;Instead, we see an "angry flag waver" and dismiss them.<br /><br />We look at the angry African American man, or Hispanic man who says we are not hearing their pleas around inexcusable police brutality and killings, we close our eyes to the unwarranted "stop and frisk" solely because of the color of their skin, and we fail to see their humanity. &nbsp;We don't want to see their fear at being shot when pulled over for a simple traffic violation, or the fear for the very lives of their daughters and sons as they leave their homes each day. &nbsp;Thank goodness many of us don't have that fear!<br /><br />We look at angry conservatives who feel their country has been taken from them, that the very foundation of what it stands for has been eroded, and we laugh at them and mock them. &nbsp;We fail to feel their genuine grief over roots being stripped, over Christ being denigrated and shelved, at their fear of the right to protect their family and go hunting being threatened. &nbsp;Sort of reminds me of how the Natives must have felt when they had their religions mocked, their homes taken, and much more. <br /><br />We look at loudly proclaiming liberals who desperately seek solutions to climate change for love of their planet. &nbsp;They worry about access to healthcare for their families, are in distress over other rights and safety being denied for LGBT folks, and women who want control over their own bodies. &nbsp;They have anxiety that is often overlooked about Christianity being used to exclude those of different faiths and understandings, and they fear we will forget the importance of the separation of ANY religious doctrine from governmental action. (As if our Forefathers hadn't already figured how terrible combining religion and politics was from the Church of England and prior to that, the Catholic Church's political control for hundreds of years.) &nbsp;We mock them as well, as we forget how polluted some of our largest cities once were, and how rights being eroded scares EVERYONE.<br /><br />But each group focuses on different rights, the loss of which concerns them deeply. &nbsp;And therein lies the problem, the difference in what we love and hold dear.<br /><br />Why do we find it so hard to develop compassion and exhibit love for those with whom we disagree? Why does having a differing perspective cause hate to flare, emotions to run rampant, and inflammatory rhetoric to spew? &nbsp;Why is it so hard to allow fellow citizens to believe what they want to believe, to express what they want to express, and not resort to name calling? Those "sons of bitches" have the exact same government protected rights as the President who called them names had, both have very right to speak openly. &nbsp;Have we all forgotten that? &nbsp;It doesn't matter whether we consider one or the other side reprehensible. The truth is, I guess every American also has the "right" to be offended! &nbsp;Each side also has to suffer the consequences of exercising that right to freedom of speech, be it being fired, or being voted out of office. &nbsp;We ALL ought to be willing to fight for that freedom, even when ideas and opinions differ from our own.<br /><br />So, in many ways, love does figure into the equation of where we Americans sit this week. &nbsp;Oh, sure, we don't want to see it, and our true struggle comes from the fact that it isn't OUR special love, but someone else's, and we choose to devalue that. <br /><br />I wonder what might happen if we all put as much passion into loving our fellow Americans...all of them, not just certain ones...as we do into arguing whether it is "right or wrong" to stand or kneel during the Star Spangled Banner? &nbsp;What if all that energy, all that media attention, all that love of ideals was expended on acts of love and justice...for all, not just certain ones. &nbsp;What might that much passion be able to accomplish?<br /><br />American couldn't be stopped.<br /><br />But maybe, if we just take a moment to look through eyes of love, we might temper our responses, we might be try harder to work toward understanding, and we might treat one another more kindly. &nbsp;That alone would be quite an accomplishment.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fDp54bq_VeU/Wc6TPXBfSJI/AAAAAAAARVk/_ZM_xVt-OfMw49VXfCEQUtnjwA23OltpwCLcBGAs/s1600/johnfkennedy1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="600" height="210" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fDp54bq_VeU/Wc6TPXBfSJI/AAAAAAAARVk/_ZM_xVt-OfMw49VXfCEQUtnjwA23OltpwCLcBGAs/s400/johnfkennedy1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-29059351853400127902017-09-24T16:08:00.003-06:002017-09-24T16:13:56.815-06:00Is This Really Justice? Of Course It Is!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qHYIHusosnY/WcgspRENRTI/AAAAAAAARUs/ofYXFd0L84ICL75uwJzW-9OCPQEKilrhACLcBGAs/s1600/spiritual-love_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="312" data-original-width="500" height="199" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qHYIHusosnY/WcgspRENRTI/AAAAAAAARUs/ofYXFd0L84ICL75uwJzW-9OCPQEKilrhACLcBGAs/s320/spiritual-love_Fotor.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div>I don't usually get all "Scripturey" on the blog, for I don't pretend to be a theologian, and I prefer to see my "word of God" written in the actions of others rather than on a page or a screen. &nbsp;The Bible and I have a touchy relationship. Having seen it used far too often as a literal "sword" to stab others with has left me tentatively poking at it from time to time, challenging it, scratching my head over it. &nbsp;The historical context is often ignored by so many Christians, and Christian history itself is seldom studied outside the confines of that book, leaving people speaking of things as truth that I struggle to accept.<br /><div><br /></div><div>However, once in awhile something really strikes me, and I can't let it go. &nbsp;Let's just say that Jesus was one heck of an expert at teaching in parables :-) &nbsp;Today's Scripture passage was Matthew 20:1-16 as shared below:</div><div><br /></div><div><h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 20px;"><span class="text Matt-20-1" id="en-NIV-23794" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard</i></span></span></h3><div class="chapter-2" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><i><span class="text Matt-20-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">“For the kingdom of heaven is like<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23794A" data-link="(&lt;a href=&quot;#cen-NIV-23794A&quot; title=&quot;See cross-reference A&quot;&gt;A&lt;/a&gt;)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>&nbsp;a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23794B" data-link="(&lt;a href=&quot;#cen-NIV-23794B&quot; title=&quot;See cross-reference B&quot;&gt;B&lt;/a&gt;)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 16px;">&nbsp;</span><span class="text Matt-20-2" id="en-NIV-23795" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">He agreed to pay them a denarius</span><span style="font-size: 10px;"> </span><span style="font-size: 16px;">for the day and sent them into his vineyard.</span></span></i></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><i><span class="text Matt-20-3" id="en-NIV-23796" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">“About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing.</span>&nbsp;<span class="text Matt-20-4" id="en-NIV-23797" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’</span>&nbsp;<span class="text Matt-20-5" id="en-NIV-23798" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">So they went.</span></i></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><i><span class="text Matt-20-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">“He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing.</span>&nbsp;<span class="text Matt-20-6" id="en-NIV-23799" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’</span></i></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span class="text Matt-20-7" id="en-NIV-23800" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><i><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;arial&quot;; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">&nbsp;</span>“‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered.</i></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span class="text Matt-20-7" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><i>“He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’</i></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span class="text Matt-20-8" id="en-NIV-23801" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><i><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;arial&quot;; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">&nbsp;</span>“When evening came,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23801C" data-link="(&lt;a href=&quot;#cen-NIV-23801C&quot; title=&quot;See cross-reference C&quot;&gt;C&lt;/a&gt;)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>&nbsp;the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’</i></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><i><span style="font-family: &quot;helvetica neue&quot; , &quot;verdana&quot; , &quot;helvetica&quot; , &quot;arial&quot; , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Matt-20-9" id="en-NIV-23802" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;arial&quot;; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">&nbsp;</span>“The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius.</span>&nbsp;<span class="text Matt-20-10" id="en-NIV-23803" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius.</span>&nbsp;<span class="text Matt-20-11" id="en-NIV-23804" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">When they received it, they began to grumble<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23804D" data-link="(&lt;a href=&quot;#cen-NIV-23804D&quot; title=&quot;See cross-reference D&quot;&gt;D&lt;/a&gt;)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>&nbsp;against the landowner.</span>&nbsp;</span><span style="font-family: &quot;arial&quot;; font-size: xx-small;">&nbsp;</span><span class="text Matt-20-12" id="en-NIV-23805" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;helvetica neue&quot; , &quot;verdana&quot; , &quot;helvetica&quot; , &quot;arial&quot; , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23805E" data-link="(&lt;a href=&quot;#cen-NIV-23805E&quot; title=&quot;See cross-reference E&quot;&gt;E&lt;/a&gt;)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>&nbsp;of the day.’</span></i></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><i><span class="text Matt-20-13" id="en-NIV-23806" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">“But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23806F" data-link="(&lt;a href=&quot;#cen-NIV-23806F&quot; title=&quot;See cross-reference F&quot;&gt;F&lt;/a&gt;)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>&nbsp;Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius?</span>&nbsp;<span class="text Matt-20-14" id="en-NIV-23807" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;arial&quot;; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">&nbsp;</span>Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you.</span>&nbsp;<span class="text Matt-20-15" id="en-NIV-23808" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;arial&quot;; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">&nbsp;</span>Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23808G" data-link="(&lt;a href=&quot;#cen-NIV-23808G&quot; title=&quot;See cross-reference G&quot;&gt;G&lt;/a&gt;)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></i></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span class="text Matt-20-16" id="en-NIV-23809" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><i>“So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”</i></span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">This particular passage is troubling to many of us because it strikes us as completely unfair. &nbsp;What? &nbsp;Work a small portion of the day yet still get the same pay? &nbsp;How is THAT right?? <i>&nbsp;<b>Isn't God supposed to be about justice?</b> &nbsp;</i></span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">Oh, I get that whole "the last will be first, and the first will be last" part...sort of the concept of the meek will inherit the earth, yada yada yada. &nbsp;</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">This morning though I had one of those "slap yourself upside the head" moments as I was listening to the Scripture being read. &nbsp;</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">The feelings that arose in me about this parable were really about me wanting to <u>deny</u>&nbsp;the right of others to receive gifts of grace and "unearned" blessings out of <u>jealousy and envy</u>. &nbsp;This was about my own failure to recognize how extraordinarily blessed I have been in my life,<i>&nbsp;</i>and yes,&nbsp;<i>sometimes without having earned those blessings...</i>just like those workers in the vineyard who arrived late!</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">How often have I felt the sting of being slighted solely because I was too busy looking at someone else's "full plate" instead of keeping my eyes on my own perfectly filled one? How many times have I failed to act in loving ways because I felt ripped off, cheated, or that someone else had unfairly benefited somehow? &nbsp;</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><b><i style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">And since when does what others receive have anything to do with me, anyway???</i></b></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">Our culture is a "gimme" culture, with people spending far too much time being concerned with the "haves" and the "have nots". &nbsp;We continually point outward and criticize how others gain while we lose...without a moment's thought to the times when we have gained and others have not. &nbsp;</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">Someone's generosity toward someone else ought not be cause for consternation or jealousy. &nbsp;It ought to be celebrated! &nbsp;Generosity <b>anywhere </b>in our world should be lifted up as an example to us all! &nbsp;</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">How often do we all overlook the unearned blessings we have in our lives? &nbsp;The gift of the love of a family that some may never experience, the "lucky break" in our careers that may not have been fully justified but we sure appreciated in the moment, and the material or financial things offered us in a time of need are all undeserved blessings and most folks have experienced this special kind of good fortune at various times in their lives. &nbsp;</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">What is it inside us that then sees others receive their fair share of unearned blessing and want to snatch it away from them? &nbsp;Is it greed? &nbsp;Is it feeling overlooked? &nbsp;Is it a sense of lack in our own lives and an inability to see our own abundance?</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">::SIGH::</span></div><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">Yea, that is me, in all my humanness. &nbsp;I fail in so many ways, and for years I thought passage was about anything but what I heard in it today. &nbsp;Seems God still has a lot of work to do on my heart, as if I didn't already know that.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-plnKdRB2C2o/Wcgshm0W5aI/AAAAAAAARUo/vR5zeL9ZAdAJlKIL-9JTk8z4bu0e1d2UQCLcBGAs/s1600/bryant-mcgill-count-blessings-wants.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: #cfe2f3; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="1500" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-plnKdRB2C2o/Wcgshm0W5aI/AAAAAAAARUo/vR5zeL9ZAdAJlKIL-9JTk8z4bu0e1d2UQCLcBGAs/s400/bryant-mcgill-count-blessings-wants.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><br /></div></div></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-22854766752176464192017-09-23T01:27:00.001-06:002017-09-23T01:27:27.261-06:00The Goal of Being Unseen<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Being a stay-at-home mom is unglamorous by just about any standard. &nbsp;Being a homeschooling stay-at-home mom is often perceived as just plain nuts. &nbsp;There are no lunches at fine restaurants as a mid-day respite, no paycheck to deposit in the bank, and no gold watch presented at the and of your "career". &nbsp;There are days you wonder if anyone in the world really "sees" you at all, and you often feel as if your own worth has diminished because you have no real "claim to fame" to point toward. &nbsp;You lack regular adult contact and conversation, and the walls can close in quite quickly if you don't push back against them with great vigor.<br /><br />So why do it? &nbsp;Why stay home and teach, do laundry, and juggle the bills in the hope that you can stretch that paycheck a bit further? &nbsp;Why not go to work, send the kids to school like a NORMAL person would, and stride firmly back into the adult word where, presumably, the conversational level would rise a bit above discussing which latest celebrity is a "hunk" and when the latest Marvel movie will arrive in town?<br /><br />Because you'd miss the moments, the ones that make your heart squeeze in your chest and your eyes well with tears. &nbsp;You'd miss the day to day quantity of time that eventually leads to the quality of relationship you desire. &nbsp;And, in our case, we would have all missed being present for the emotional work that has led to gradual healing that was far more important and necessary than a bigger paycheck so the kids could have the latest and greatest next big "thing".<br /><br />This week, the kids were given a writing assignment to share about one of the earliest strong childhood memories they had. &nbsp;Each was a surprise and we enjoyed hearing about orphanage life and caretakers who were special, first days home, and more. &nbsp;Finally, I got to Josh's, and began to read it aloud as I had the others. &nbsp;Here is what he wrote:<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bOpuEGjszXU/WcYMfjJuQ9I/AAAAAAAARUM/4B5T3NPjaNAxFpF0rcauNAApme2Bsn39QCLcBGAs/s1600/81BCE815-BE67-485A-B08F-BFBD2F9CE807_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bOpuEGjszXU/WcYMfjJuQ9I/AAAAAAAARUM/4B5T3NPjaNAxFpF0rcauNAApme2Bsn39QCLcBGAs/s320/81BCE815-BE67-485A-B08F-BFBD2F9CE807_Fotor.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><b><i>I was probably around age four of five when this event happened. &nbsp;This is one of the only memories I have that I can only remember in a first person point of view unlike my later memories. &nbsp;It was the beginning of summer, I was following my Mom around the house as she cleaned and we goofed around, but then she had to go outside and told me to stay inside. &nbsp;I immediately started freaking out, even though I subconsciously knew she would come back, when I couldn't see her outside the window. &nbsp;The adrenaline rose in my body and I searched frantically with my eyes through the window. &nbsp;At that point I walked outside and yelled out, "Mom". &nbsp;No response. &nbsp;Running to the edge of the concrete porch, Mom appeared around the corner with a frightened look on her face in response to my scared demeanor. &nbsp;She walked to me and hugged me as tight as she could and told me, "I am never going to leave you, understand that. &nbsp;I love you, Josh." &nbsp;The pain slipped away and that feeling of security came flowing back. &nbsp;I was safe even though there was nothing to be afraid of. &nbsp;This is my earliest memory I can recall vividly. &nbsp;I know my Mom would have never left me then, and she would never leave me know.</i></b><br /><b><i><br /></i></b>As I got to the end, I simply couldn't finish. &nbsp;I choked up, leaned over and hugged Josh with all my might. &nbsp;This tall, strong fourteen year old young man before me whose abandonment in infancy on that cold winter night has left an eternal imprint on his soul sees me. &nbsp;He needed me to leave my ego at the door many years ago, and be as present as possible so that at fourteen he could write this with complete confidence in the fact that his forever mom would never, ever leave him.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8c5hTsxUxJU/WcYMfBmUQJI/AAAAAAAARUI/jazbRzxFlHIyg4rGRHvUNkPygnlo-c21wCLcBGAs/s1600/AA439A1C-4CF5-42B8-A8BA-6C06A351AEEA_Fotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1197" data-original-width="1600" height="239" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8c5hTsxUxJU/WcYMfBmUQJI/AAAAAAAARUI/jazbRzxFlHIyg4rGRHvUNkPygnlo-c21wCLcBGAs/s320/AA439A1C-4CF5-42B8-A8BA-6C06A351AEEA_Fotor.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />You know what I realized from this revealing piece written by Josh? &nbsp;My ultimate job, my most "realest" job as our kids' mom has been to help them heal, but also to get them to the point where I am, indeed, invisible.<br /><br />What do I mean by that? &nbsp;It may be hard for a parent of biological children to understand, but the hyper vigilance that comes from losing ones original parents, and the associated emotional trauma requires years and years of work to help mend, and necessitates a parent is always, always aware and within reach. &nbsp;You are needed in an entirely different way to reassure, to remind of your commitment, and to restore a sense of safety. &nbsp;You need to be touchstone, always present.<br /><br />You need to die to self in many ways, so that your child can have new life through your care.<br /><br />The goal is to have a child who is secure enough that they do NOT desperately need to see you, or to know you are present! &nbsp;Counter-intuitive, right? &nbsp;But so very true.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9_SdhmJz_Zw/WcYMab3TDmI/AAAAAAAARUE/4hPwbbqIVecj_drCO2Pqu_z7b36E2R_iQCLcBGAs/s1600/AIMG_9132_Fotor_FotorFotor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="743" data-original-width="701" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9_SdhmJz_Zw/WcYMab3TDmI/AAAAAAAARUE/4hPwbbqIVecj_drCO2Pqu_z7b36E2R_iQCLcBGAs/s320/AIMG_9132_Fotor_FotorFotor.jpg" width="301" /></a></div><br />Josh has spent years going through moments of intense anxiety as he moved through Reactive Attachment Disorder, to Disordered and Insecure Attachment, to Secure Attachment. &nbsp;Many's the time he has anxiously wandered through the house fearful that we have disappeared, that our dog has wandered away, that he is alone. &nbsp;It was only a few months ago that he revealed to us with great honesty and courage that almost every morning he awakens and for those first brief few moments he is terrified and his heart races because he is afraid his family won't be here.<br /><br />My "paycheck" comes in non-monetary form, and it requires an entirely different skill set than was necessary for jobs I performed in my "pre-mom" days. &nbsp;My worth? Well, that is not for me to judge anyway. &nbsp;But I wouldn't trade the ego feeding I might get from a career for the ability to be Unseen in this particular and unusual way one day by my kids. &nbsp;For only then will I know it was a job well done.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-49RD1Moa2Wk/WcYJtJIFoII/AAAAAAAARTw/_V8pL_uRGFQRfENS2_GfIRd6C4udIubpQCLcBGAs/s1600/3018b0128baaf1e5d49819991194b965--maya-angelou-never-forget.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="736" data-original-width="736" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-49RD1Moa2Wk/WcYJtJIFoII/AAAAAAAARTw/_V8pL_uRGFQRfENS2_GfIRd6C4udIubpQCLcBGAs/s320/3018b0128baaf1e5d49819991194b965--maya-angelou-never-forget.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-13962463541953977982017-09-20T20:13:00.001-06:002017-09-20T20:13:13.851-06:00Good Ol' American Interdependence!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Qui1lWTCDLc/WcHOEC2SaHI/AAAAAAAARTM/dyVuiA-oWPI2wNGIJYemgSawsmB-eM19QCLcBGAs/s1600/compassion-is-the-keen-awareness-of-the-interdependence-of-all-things-quote-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="620" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Qui1lWTCDLc/WcHOEC2SaHI/AAAAAAAARTM/dyVuiA-oWPI2wNGIJYemgSawsmB-eM19QCLcBGAs/s320/compassion-is-the-keen-awareness-of-the-interdependence-of-all-things-quote-1.jpg" width="248" /></a></div><br />Good old Thomas Merton, he certainly "gets it", doesn't he?<br /><br />The theme of interdependence is one that is being regularly discussed in our household these days in an intentional, meaningful way. &nbsp;When you have special needs young adults, the way you envision adulthood often changes as for some, independence is out of reach, and for others it is delayed.<br /><br />Interestingly, as we have come to some clear conclusions about the future of some of our kids, and are trying to wipe away the haze as we gaze through the looking glass for the other kids, there has been a growing understanding for each of us that has altered how we view the world in general. <br /><br />As Americans, we celebrate quite the opposite, don't we? &nbsp;Living in a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" kind of world, the idea of actually being interdependent is anathema and those who espouse it are viewed as being weak and incapable of making it on their own.<br /><br />Ahhhh...but as Christians, isn't the idea of interdependence actually the entire goal of the Gospel??? &nbsp;That we are all connected to one another and to God, and through that connection we find real relationship and real meaning? &nbsp;Isn't it sort of counter to all Christian teaching to think of ourselves as islands and "every man for himself"?<br /><br />When one looks at our culture today, we see a world filled with disconnection and loneliness as we all cling to our pride of being able to "make it on our own", and yet where is that really getting us? We are a nation of independent people living in desperate isolation, despite the supposed increase in connection and "friends" on social media. &nbsp;This is not what we need, what we humans yearn for to the core of our soul is to be known, to be understood, to be cared about and accepted, not to be artificially "friended".<br /><br />Someday, we might all understand that there is a middle ground, a center point between dependence and independence, and that is interdependence. &nbsp;Just as our politics can't seem to allow for moderate perspectives, our relationships can't seem to allow for a balanced blend of independence and intentional connectedness...we are an "all or nothing" sort of folk.<br /><br />Our family will likely live together as a complete unit for a few more years, and we will also just as likely have to suffer the judgment of others because of it. &nbsp;What intrigues me as we have already been pushed for Matt, who just turned 18 in June, to "strike out on his own in the world" is how many adults these days just don't get that the world is not what it was in our own youth. &nbsp;As <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/percentage-of-young-americans-living-with-their-parents-is-40-percent-a-75-year-high/" target="_blank">this CBS news report states,</a> nearly 33% of young adults ages 18-34 now live with their parents, a number that seems to shock some but doesn't surprise me at all. &nbsp;When one looks at the income figures alone it is easy to see why...then throw in massive college debt, and you have a recipe for communal living.<br /><br />But is that really all that bad? &nbsp;Is it so terrible that families cut costs by living together longer, as is the norm in many other nations today? &nbsp;Is it a crime that a young adult child and their parents agree to share responsibilities, work, and finances so that ALL succeed? &nbsp;Why is it that a child headed to college can have all their expenses covered by parents and loans, thereby still really not even close to achieving real "independence" and yet a young adult who elects to remain home and build skills, gain a foothold on saving for a new business, a paid off car, an emergency fund, etc. is somehow viewed as "a sponge"??<br /><br />We tend to think of families as a group of people that remain together for a finite time that then spreads out and disconnects, but why? <br /><br />Why not use the resources of all for the betterment of all? &nbsp;Why not have interconnected long term inter-generational relationships where grandparents help take care of grandchildren, and children take care of aging parents? &nbsp;Where the weaknesses and strengths of one another combine to help all succeed and lead happier, less lonely lives? &nbsp;Hmmm...sounds like an earlier version of America, doesn't it?<br /><br />We have one son who will likely never be capable of living fully independently, and others who are in need of a few more protective years under the wings of their protective parents to feel secure enough to fly off on their own due to having a family for less than a decade. &nbsp;We have others who have goals and need time to study and work hard to achieve them. &nbsp;Not a single LaJoy is lazy, they all contribute. &nbsp;We are a content and cheerful bunch, as Olesya noted in a recent piece of writing when she said, "We never outgrew the kid laughter and smiles because this family always finds ways to be happy. &nbsp;All these memories are surrounded by my loving family, to whom closeness, understanding, and laughter are important."<br /><br />And isn't that really all that matters, that we are surrounded by those who love us, who understand us, and who laugh and occasionally cry with us?<br /><br />I'll take interdependence any day over independence, for interdependence is where my faith and real life intersect.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TTQVnRoH75M/WcMeu7pxO9I/AAAAAAAARTc/OIIuQhEqgdg3J_R9cBEWmrT01vbugpbWACLcBGAs/s1600/images.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="195" data-original-width="260" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TTQVnRoH75M/WcMeu7pxO9I/AAAAAAAARTc/OIIuQhEqgdg3J_R9cBEWmrT01vbugpbWACLcBGAs/s1600/images.png" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Cindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.com1