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How do you stop a 1 year old from being mean to the brand new baby?

I have a 1 year old step daughter who is always touching or hitting the baby whenever I'm not looking.. She will even hit him on the stomach hard and I don't want to hit her or be too harsh on her since she is trying to be nice to the baby, you know? She just doesn't know how.. How do I go about this?

Show her how to be nice to the baby, show her that stroking the babies head is ok. Show her that giving the baby a toy is ok. But tell her, dont show!!!, that hitting isn't nice and could hurt the baby. If it gets to be serious, maybe take her to a quiet spot away from the baby and talk to her telling her what she did wrong. I know she's only 1 but thats what I did when i brought the new baby home!

"One year old" is a pretty big range. Is she under 18 months? Is she very verbal? Is she just experimenting or is she upset? (From your description of her as "trying to be nice to the baby," I am thinking she's quite young, and that she is not seeming upset or frustrated at these times, but just not knowing HOW to be with a baby.)

I would not recommend being harsh with her even if she WERE seeming to do it "on purpose," or if she were "trying to hurt" the baby. I think it is much more positive & beneficial (in many ways, including to the sibling relationship & the older child's emotional health) to show understanding & acceptance for the feelings expressed, while you limit the behavior physically. When you focus on trying to discourage the behavior through punishments or negative consequences, you are ignoring the fact that feelings drive the problem behavior.

She may not be able to feel jealous, but she is curious and doesn't know how to be gentle until you teach her, for a long time. It will not come naturally. I agree that you need to keep the baby with you at all times, or, at the very least, keep them separated. The baby or toddler can be put in a play pen (or another room with a baby monitor) when you need to get some things done.

Is the one year old yours? (You said, BTW, she lives with us.....?) I would not EVER leave them unsupervised.

Get her a doll and demonstrate how to be gentle. Also giver her a time out when she does do something she shouldn't, praise her when she is gentle with t he baby. Either you or your DH spend time one on one with her during the day. It's hard because she doesn't too young to really understand.

My kids are really close in age and I taught them baby sign language. Whenever they went near my newborn I did the sign for gentle. When my youngest DD got big enough she started doing the sign herself whenever she saw her big sister or brother come around. I think she thought it was their name for awhile.

The one year old can actually be dangerous to the baby so watch her like a hawk. She is probably jealous or confused so you have to make special time for her and show her how to be nice to baby. Don't leave them alone together.

NO! ^^^^
At 12 months she has poor control over her motor skills. When she is being nice to baby praise her. When she is roughly "patting" the baby take her hand and stroke your face saying, "Nice".
And then take her hand to the baby and show her what nice is. Like, stroking or gently patting baby while saying, "Nice".
She is too young to feel jealousy. She doesn't have the cognitive skills for resentment or manipulation.

Try showing them how it feels to be trreated in a not so nicevway then maybe that will help them understand how they are making their sibling feel. Keep in mind that they may just be jealous of the new baby so set aside special Alone time for just the two of you.