lovegravy:mafiageek1980:My advice for this kid: Get in shape...in a FUN way, outside of school. Go to the YMCA and join some kinda sports team. That way, he can get in shape AND be social..outside of school. And yes, a haircut would do the trick AND make him feel better. Find interests outside of school. Find a distraction from all the BS at school. Things will get better, kid.

You MONSTER!! How dare you suggest that the kid have any control over his situation! Working out is hard, but posting boo-hoo stories to Facebook is easy so it's clear that a good parent would do the latter and you are terrible and wrong for suggesting otherwise.

It's the world to blame. We're a nation of poor helpless victims. The sooner you resign to that the sooner you stop blaming yourself for being fat, lazy, etc.

Fark_Guy_Rob:Nobody can know with any certainty if someone would have turned out better or worse if not for some event. We can only look at the general well-being of a population and make note of correlations, and maybe sprinkle in some actual studies that might have a tiny sliver of merit.

Having said that, objectively, working out is more likely to get someone in shape that getting everyone to not mention their weight. So, he might actually have a point.

You raise a good point, but in my experience there is a very high correlation between the bitterness of an adult and their willingness to share angry "I was treated like shiat growing up and Iturned out fine!" stories. Is it really that unreasonable to conclude that maybe--just maybe--people wouldn't have grown up to be jerks if they didn't grow up enduring (and ultimately accepting) the treatment of the jerks all around them.

As for exercise: Yeah, there are very few things that getting in shape doesn't help. But when you tell someone who is being bullied over their weight to get in shape, you're is just victim blaming. "It's your fault you're getting bullied, so get it shape so people will stop calling you names. Fark getting healthy or leading a better quality life! Just stop making us mock you."

Besides, what do you say to someone who is bullied for being gay? "Stop being gay"? Or someone who is bullied for being from a poor family: "Stop being poor"?

lovegravy:The cure for being called fat is to work out, which happens to also be the cure for most forms of bullying. Parents who hide their kids problems by blaming everyone else will end up with a hopelessly unprepared kid when he has to go out there and deal with his own problems.

So the cure to being bullied is to change yourself to how the bullies think you should be?

Gay? Become straight!Black? Become white!Ugly? Plastic surgery!Too smart? Become a dumbshiat like everybody else!

The Great EZE:Fark_Guy_Rob: Nobody can know with any certainty if someone would have turned out better or worse if not for some event. We can only look at the general well-being of a population and make note of correlations, and maybe sprinkle in some actual studies that might have a tiny sliver of merit.

Having said that, objectively, working out is more likely to get someone in shape that getting everyone to not mention their weight. So, he might actually have a point.

You raise a good point, but in my experience there is a very high correlation between the bitterness of an adult and their willingness to share angry "I was treated like shiat growing up and Iturned out fine!" stories. Is it really that unreasonable to conclude that maybe--just maybe--people wouldn't have grown up to be jerks if they didn't grow up enduring (and ultimately accepting) the treatment of the jerks all around them.

As for exercise: Yeah, there are very few things that getting in shape doesn't help. But when you tell someone who is being bullied over their weight to get in shape, you're is just victim blaming. "It's your fault you're getting bullied, so get it shape so people will stop calling you names. Fark getting healthy or leading a better quality life! Just stop making us mock you."

Besides, what do you say to someone who is bullied for being gay? "Stop being gay"? Or someone who is bullied for being from a poor family: "Stop being poor"?

Who is being the 'jerk', the person speaking honestly and trying to empower the kid to better his situation or the person teaching this kid that he is a helpless victim and his salvation comes from anonamous 'likes' from facebook strangers?

When did honesty stop being the best policy?When did the idea of self-reliance become such a terrible thing?

Kids kill themselves because they feel helpless, not from being told that they aren't.

I *loved* middle school. Almost everyone tried picked on me, but I had a little group of ESL students that followed me around. They didn't know why I was considered such a freak, but they knew I watched out for them. I got to learn about their cultures a lot. I told everyone I was an alien, so of course they would come and pick on me. But when they couldn't prove me wrong (ah, middle school logic, so much like political logic... there's no insight to be had there I'm sure), I got to claim I was right. I was somehow relentlessly and belligerently cheerful. Straight D's and hardly knew which way was up. Good times.

Now grade school was awful. 100 kids per grade and one clique controlled everything including the perceptions of the teachers. I had no autonomy and I got in trouble if I invented stories. No way out. For me, it was about having a space to myself. I've been a devoted introvert since.

Caffandtranqs:Holy crap. I hope this kid does not know FARK exists. He'd go hang himself just reading these asinine comments. I know I can be a real dick at times, but some of you guys take the cake and the pie.

If anyone is pushed over the edge by anything said here, they need to start examining their life choices. I have been called all manner of names here. Some deserved, but most not. If it ever bothers me, I have the common sense to walk away.

Ant:lovegravy: The cure for being called fat is to work out, which happens to also be the cure for most forms of bullying. Parents who hide their kids problems by blaming everyone else will end up with a hopelessly unprepared kid when he has to go out there and deal with his own problems.

So the cure to being bullied is to change yourself to how the bullies think you should be?

Gay? Become straight!Black? Become white!Ugly? Plastic surgery!Too smart? Become a dumbshiat like everybody else!

In this particular case if the kid is fat and is FINE WITH IT he wouldn't be cutting himself. He has to either decide to like being fat...or do something about it! Trying to change the world to be nice to little snookie wookums isn't an option. Either he has to own up to it and defend himself if he likes being fat, or change it.

If he's so hurt by it then I'd say he's OBVIOUSLY not happy about being fat, so rather than create facebook 'likes' that solve nothing, why not own up to it and fix it?

Naaah!!! TOO HARD!! We're all just victims here and the world needs to change to accommodate us!

Gifted Many Few:Caffandtranqs: Holy crap. I hope this kid does not know FARK exists. He'd go hang himself just reading these asinine comments. I know I can be a real dick at times, but some of you guys take the cake and the pie.

If anyone is pushed over the edge by anything said here, they need to start examining their life choices. I have been called all manner of names here. Some deserved, but most not. If it ever bothers me, I have the common sense to walk away.

They need to go play on 4chan.

This is a love-in compared to their tolerance level for attention whores.

ShawnDoc:Wobble: As a parent going through a very similar situation with my 12 year old daughter, I fail to see the humor in most of the posts on here. This is a cry for help, not attention. You children that choose to downplay the seriousness of this problem need to get out of your mom's basement, find a girl (good luck), get married and have a kid. If this is still funny in 13 or 14 years, then make your jokes. That will just prove you're still a self centered asshole.

So yeah, pretty much not with you on this one. I was fat as a teen. It was awful. I got in shape, and my life just got a whole lot better. Get over your entitled bullshiat and put your life where YOU want it. At that point the judgement of others becomes irrelevant. It's true. You could take control, but you would rather play victim. This is why no one likes a victim.

You know it's possible to defend a group that you don't actually belong to, right?

Ant:You know it's possible to defend a group that you don't actually belong to, right?

Defend them from what? Ever being picked on again?

Unlikely.

The goal should be to get the kid right with himself, not gloss over everything with Facebook 'likes'. If he liked who he was he wouldn't be cutting himself so either start embracing your fatness or fix it. Those are about the only options because you cannot make the entire world play nice and 'defending' the kid only postpones the inevitable and probably makes it far worse when he realizes that those facebook 'likes' didn't do anything to improve his situation.

The solution is up to him, not Facebook and certainly not society as a whole. Protecting him won't help a bit.

Gifted Many Few:Caffandtranqs: Holy crap. I hope this kid does not know FARK exists. He'd go hang himself just reading these asinine comments. I know I can be a real dick at times, but some of you guys take the cake and the pie.

If anyone is pushed over the edge by anything said here, they need to start examining their life choices. I have been called all manner of names here. Some deserved, but most not. If it ever bothers me, I have the common sense to walk away.

I am going to assume that you are also a full grown adult who has not just entered puberty within the last year like this kid. The farking kid is at an age where he is just now starting to figure out what his identity is. He has not had time to grow thick skin to the shiatty world yet. I went to school with guys that were fat, it was that baby fat that hangs around until the guys grows more. What I see on this thread is a bunch of clueless adults who want the adolescent to act like an adult, not be sad, and not to share his sad feelings (rather hold them in until he decides to really kill himself).

my story is one of personal perseverance in the face of sadness and ultimately realizing youre okay with yourself. it should be handed to every teenager who has ever thought poorly of themselves.

It's a story of teaching a kid to rely on outside validation for inner peace.

It's a terrible story. 2000 happy letters or 2000 people telling you to off yourself, neither should be the foundation of your self image. If he's that pliable he'll be right back to cutting himself when the happy letters stop and he starts getting railed for having Mommy run to facebook for support.

Yes, to some degree it is. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/09/120905141920.htm

So why bother trying, right? I mean fark hard work, right? Either you're born with it or you aren't so why put in the effort?

Nice message.

Sorry, but some have it easier than others and if you're not one of them your effort will have to be that much greater and still there is no guarantee it will pay off, but what is guaranteed is that if you don't try you will never change your situation.

lovegravy:Who is being the 'jerk', the person speaking honestly and trying to empower the kid to better his situation or the person teaching this kid that he is a helpless victim and his salvation comes from anonamous 'likes' from facebook strangers?

When did honesty stop being the best policy?When did the idea of self-reliance become such a terrible thing?

Kids kill themselves because they feel helpless, not from being told that they aren't.

Okay, I'm willing to pretend we both have the empowerment of this kid in mind. I still believe you're just trying to make yourself look stronger compared to a depressed 13 year old, but I'm willing to pretend for the sake of argument. I'm trying to wind up a well-adjusted empowered kid who doesn't go through life believing he--who, as far as we know, never did anything to anybody--still deserved the torment he got. You're trying to develop an empowered kid by...calling him an attention whore and teaching him to kowtow to his tormenters.

I will give you this: I do believe you honestly think a kid deserves to get bullied by virtue of merely existing. All your grandstanding about "self-reliance" is just irrelevant ego-boosting crap to make you feel better about the empathy other people have that was unfortunately bullied out of you early and often.

But on to a greater point: exactly whose approval do you want him to have? Exercising for the sake of health seems to be secondary in this thread to exercising for the sake of the bullies. Maybe the approval of anonymous facebook strangers doesn't help. But seeking the approval of the people who mocked you sounds downright deranged.

All you sad people coddling him are simply legitimiizng his teenage angst and self drama. By showering attention on him, you only ensure more of thes childish episodes and it will probably escalate when scatching himself doesn't garner attention anymore.Don't enable him.

lovegravy:It's a story of teaching a kid to rely on outside validation for inner peace.

the article, sure. im not disagreeing with that. if you read the longer of my posts, you will see I'm talking about me and not this kid. *I* realized life gets better when you work on you, and *stop* relying on people for that feeling.

I will give you this: I do believe you honestly think a kid deserves to get bullied by virtue of merely existing. All your grandstanding about "self-reliance" is just irrelevant ego-boosting crap to make you feel better about the empathy other people have that was unfortunately bullied out of you early and often.

But on to a greater point: exactly whose approval do you want him to have? Exercising for the sake of health seems to be secondary in this thread to exercising for the sake of the bullies. Maybe the approval of anonymous facebook strangers doesn't help. But seeking the approval of the people who mocked you sounds downright deranged.

If you read what I wrote it's not about seeking THEIR approval, it's about seeking his own.

If the kid was really OK with being fat then the teasing wouldn't have a suicidal effect. The proud gay people don't cut themselves and post it on facebook, they laugh in the faces of their attackers. The kid is able to be hurt because he obviously doesn't like being fat. If he liked being fat then my advice would be way different, but that's not the case.

Furthermore, equating being fat with being gay, or in a poor family is just silly. This kid is fat, and that's fixable by him. He needs to know that, his parents need to be parents and help him achieve that goal if he wants to be skinny. That's what I find so wrong about this. If there was any indication in the story that the kid chose to be fat and loves it then I'd absolutely change my stance, but what I see is a hurting kid who is fat and hates it and parents who think a bunch of facebook likes will somehow change that.

Tommy Moo:This is how it should work. Not sure about MD, but in NY he'd be put under mental health arrest, which involves no actual care, and is little different that prison. They hold you for 72 hours and keep you under constant surveillance, while denying you access to shoestrings, silverware, etc. Just what every depressed kid needs: to be stripped of his dignity and paraded around a hospital with his shoes falling off, shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth with his bare hands like a toddler. Most people come out feeling everything they went in with, plus anger and humiliation on top.

This happened to my friend in Chicago. He has lost what little faith he had in people before and it only worsened after.

doubled99:All you sad people coddling him are simply legitimiizng his teenage angst and self drama. By showering attention on him, you only ensure more of thes childish episodes and it will probably escalate when scatching himself doesn't garner attention anymore.Don't enable him.

I'm not enabling him. I actually mailed him a box of Twinkies with a note: Eat up fatboy!!

payattention:Need_MindBleach: That shiat's expensive. Anyone who has enough money to go traveling around, skydiving, etc, without having to worry about their job probably already has enough money to solve their problems.

Again, BINGO! Except I don't have a job. I was fired because I have this problem with f^%&%g idiots in command positions... especially when they expect me to do a job and then do everything they can to prevent me from doing it. Oh, word of advice for everyone on here... if you think about going to the 'second in command' to try and get things worked out, DON'T! He will just go to the boss and paraphrase what you were saying in the worst possible terms.

theMagni: Don't be a wuss.

That's the problem... I am a wuss. A cowardly, pitiful wuss.

Farce-Side: You sound like you are a lot of fun at parties.

I used to be, before life or whatever supreme being you wish to attribute our existence to decided to grind me into the proverbial dust.

/again, always fun to read the comments of people who either never went thru this, or had someone to care about them. Just because you are making it thru life doesn't mean everyone can do that.OR...http://picpaste.com/SGMe8H1q.jpg

First, if you're going to kill yourself, who gives a crap if you go into debt?

Second, you don't know me, so I'm going to pretend I didn't read that. You are not the first person in the world that's had to go through this. You are not special because of depression or suicide. The flipside to that is the most important -- you are not alone.

Nevertheless, you need professional help and not Internet snark. Get some, and if it doesn't work try a different doctor or counselor. Help is out there, but their hands are full with other people just like you. So get in there, make the freaking phone call, and get your crap sorted out.

lovegravy:The Great EZE: lovegravy: Poor? You think poor is an uncontrollable affliction?

It is when you're not even in high school!

True, I'll give you that. For him being poor or gay would be something outside of his control, but being fat is not.

Well that's the problem: bullying is bullying, whether it's about something fixable or not. People think just because this kid was being bullied for something fixable means there's a simple solution and he's wrong for feeling awful about it. I'm saying no, so long as you're not a bad person there's no reason at all to accept being made to feel like a bad person.

That's why I stress the "health vs. social acceptance" aspect of exercise advice. Telling him to fix being fat so he'll stopped being bullied is akin to telling him that his bulling was valid in the first place. Sure, you'll end up with a skinnier kid, but a skinnier kid who will always believe the bulling was his fault. Even worse, a kid who will be terrified of gaining weight lest he get bullied again. Because after all, gaining weight = bad person = deserves whatever torment comes to you. Any health education he gets from the experience would just be an unintended consequence.

That doesn't seem like a very empowered way to go about life.

lovegravy:If you read what I wrote it's not about seeking THEIR approval, it's about seeking his own.

If the kid was really OK with being fat then the teasing wouldn't have a suicidal effect. The proud gay people don't cut themselves and post it on facebook, they laugh in the faces of their attackers. The kid is able to be hurt because he obviously doesn't like being fat. If he liked being fat then my advice would be way different, but that's not the case.

Sure, maybe it's a little easier to gain a thick skin and self-confidence when you're an adult, with all the freedom and power to just disassociate from people who give you shiat. But when you have to go to school with god knows how many people reinforcing the notion that you're awful/unworthy of friendship/don't deserve to exist/etc. day after day it's not exactly the environment where confidence grows. I mean, more power to the kids who are able to go through school bullying with a strong enough support network that their self-esteem stays fully intact (I posit that, in most cases, they're just able to hide the effects of bullying better), but that's clearly the exception.

How about we wait until their voices stop changing before expecting them to face adversity with the steely mettle of a 40 year old.

He cuts himself to bring attention to his mother that he is facing ridicule and derision from his peers so naturally dumb ass mom posts it all on faceplant so his peers can post comments full of more ridicule and derision????!!??

The Great EZE:lovegravy: The Great EZE: lovegravy: Poor? You think poor is an uncontrollable affliction?

It is when you're not even in high school!

True, I'll give you that. For him being poor or gay would be something outside of his control, but being fat is not.

Well that's the problem: bullying is bullying, whether it's about something fixable or not. People think just because this kid was being bullied for something fixable means there's a simple solution and he's wrong for feeling awful about it. I'm saying no, so long as you're not a bad person there's no reason at all to accept being made to feel like a bad person.

That's why I stress the "health vs. social acceptance" aspect of exercise advice. Telling him to fix being fat so he'll stopped being bullied is akin to telling him that his bulling was valid in the first place. Sure, you'll end up with a skinnier kid, but a skinnier kid who will always believe the bulling was his fault. Even worse, a kid who will be terrified of gaining weight lest he get bullied again. Because after all, gaining weight = bad person = deserves whatever torment comes to you. Any health education he gets from the experience would just be an unintended consequence.

That doesn't seem like a very empowered way to go about life.

lovegravy: If you read what I wrote it's not about seeking THEIR approval, it's about seeking his own.

If the kid was really OK with being fat then the teasing wouldn't have a suicidal effect. The proud gay people don't cut themselves and post it on facebook, they laugh in the faces of their attackers. The kid is able to be hurt because he obviously doesn't like being fat. If he liked being fat then my advice would be way different, but that's not the case.

Sure, maybe it's a little easier to gain a thick skin and self-confidence when you're an adult, with all the freedom and power to just disassociate from people who give you shiat. But when you have to go to school with god knows how many people reinforcing the notion that you're awful/unworthy of friendship/don't deserve to exist/etc. day after day it's not exactly the environment where confidence grows. I mean, more power to the kids who are able to go through school bullying with a strong enough support network that their self-esteem stays fully intact (I posit that, in most cases, they're just able to hide the effects of bullying better), but that's clearly the exception.

How about we wait until their voices stop changing before expecting them to face adversity with the steely mettle of a 40 year old.

So to be clear your solution is to change the entire world to accommodate this kid.

My suggestion is to teach the kids to deal with it Themselves.

Bullying is absolutely wrong, But it is impossible to stop. Millions of kids are bullied and they don't cut themselves. This kid obviously doesn't like himself and a bunch of Facebook likes won't change that.

I don't claim to have all the answers but here's my life (around 13) in a nut shell:

Youngest in a family of 6. 2 older sisters one older brother.

I was enrolled in what in an elite private school, that my parents could not afford. My dad left us to look for work 12 hours away, so I never saw him.

Mom was busy talking to schools to convince them to allow us to stay enrolled. She exchanged her time for tuition assistance. (yea yeah I've wondered what she really did)

I was the official "poor" kid who lived in his grandma's house, who was always late (public transportation was unreliable and expensive)

Bullies didn't call me FAT or loser or anything like that. They instead focused on reminding me of my loser older brother, and my two older sisters, who according to their "facts" were 17 and 19 year old prostitutes. I mean, how else could they afford to attend private schools.

The bullying was also physical but never criminal.

I never told my mom or wrote to my dad about it because I knew they wouldnt fix it and I knew it would hurt them more.

Instead I did what most normal kids do: you deal with it to the best of your abilities and whatever happens happens.

Seems to me that cutting your arms and threatening suicide has more to do with kids trying to punish Mom and Dad than a real problem.

Selfish motherfarkers you all are. Why would you do that to Mom and Dad?

lovegravy:Bullying is absolutely wrong, But it is impossible to stop. Millions of kids are bullied and they don't cut themselves. This kid obviously doesn't like himself and a bunch of Facebook likes won't change that.

13 year olds being emo is impossible to stop also. So, we're done here. It is the way it is.

Master Sphincter:Seems to me that cutting your arms and threatening suicide has more to do with kids trying to punish Mom and Dad than a real problem.

For some it is a way of exerting control on their lives. "They think they can hurt me? Ha! Nobody can hurt me more than I can hurt myself, I win!" or "If I am gonna be hurt, I am gonna do it on my terms in my way."

Not the healthiest of choices, and not true in all cases. But for some, that is their mentality.

DerAppie:Just imagine, the entire student body having a well above average intelligence. Suddenly bullying rates, as well as other social undesirable behaviour, drops really fast.

You don't really believe this, do you? Smart kids make the best (worst) bullies.They may not be big on the swirles and atomic wedgies, but they excell at the mindfark, which trust me is way worse. And they're smart enough to be subtle enough to get away with it. And competetive...