Frank admission time: Before, during and after my pregnancy I was very judgmental about women who gave birth any way but completely naturally. Yeah, I would say oh it’s no big deal that you had a c-section or an epidural, but inside I was saying “wimp!”. I was very smug and superior in my plans to give birth naturally, and being able to do so only strengthened my belief that women who didn’t were just lazy, scared, ignorant fools who gave away their power…or something like that.

What a bitch, right?

I don’t know where it came from- honestly! It was like I was born with those ideas already burned into my brain. I don’t remember learning those prejudices and I don’t know from whom I would have learned them.

But since having all of this trouble with breastfeeding, I’ve found myself really softening. It’s like having to feed Cole formula has forced me to learn that there is no one Right Way to do this whole parenting thing, or this whole Life thing in general. Formula is not at ALL the way I wanted to go for him, but it’s what we have to do. I don’t get a choice this time if I want my son to be healthy.

The thing is, it so doesn’t matter that he’s on formula. We still love him and cuddle him and nurture him the same as if he were solely breastfed. And he’ll still be perfectly healthy as he gets older. I mean, my father had to have whole cow’s milk when my grandmother had low supply because formula hadn’t been invented yet and he’s one of the greatest men I know.

Giving birth naturally was what I wanted and it worked for me, but the most important thing is that Cole is here. It doesn’t matter how babies arrive as long as they are loved and cared for when they get here. I wouldn’t change a thing about what I did, but it’s not for everyone. We all have to make our own way and do what works best for us.

If such a thing is possible, I apologize for my judgmental thoughts and my scorn.

This is the kind of experience that turns women into middle-aged hippies, isn’t it? Shit.