Thursday, March 27, 2014

Around every corner is a new grief. A fresh loss, a new way to feel the tragedy. When he left, a whole world went with him. Scenes from what might have been keep playing in my mind's eye, like an outtakes reel, the alternative ending. A baby boy's coat cuts my breath. The realization that they will do an autopsy sickens.

What is it that keeps us going when our hearts and minds wish the world would stop turning around us? Even as I question whether I can keep taking in air, imprisoned by incomprehensible pain, there is a distant voice that whispers, "hold on."

I think it must be Grace. I just wish I didn't need it right now. Wish I didn't have to prove I am strong enough to get to the other side of this.

I am just catching up with you via LFCA - and am in tears for you. I just can't believe it - this is so cruel and unfair and horrible. My heart goes out to you and your family. F you, universe, indeed. I am so tremendously sorry for your loss.

I am just catching up with you via LFCA - and am in tears for you. I just can't believe it - this is so cruel and unfair and horrible. My heart goes out to you and your family. F you, universe, indeed. I am so tremendously sorry for your loss.

About Me

Thanks to the marvels of modern medical science and a general distaste for failure, I beat PCOS-related infertility into submission and welcomed my son H in 2010. I've been trying for the past three years to give him a sibling, but the universe seems to have a different idea. With a devastating 18-week loss in March 2014, am currently reevaluating our path forward.