Things that popped into my head today as I was “people watching” while enjoying my coffee, at the mall:

1. I must not judge the old lady who’s shrieking at the barrista for allegedly messing up her order. She clearly forgot to put on her teeth this morning and is venting.

2. I must stop trying to understand the point of reality shows like “Jersey Shore”. Seriously, I could go crazy. (How did this pop into my head?, you might ask. I spotted a girl who looked like Snooki.)

3. Middle-aged women should resist the temptation to walk into a Forever21 shop without a teenager in tow. “Forever 21” is a lie; it’s called marketing.Sucker.

4. A “muffin top”* ain’t sexy, lady. (Spotted Snooki again.)

5. There should be a sign beside every mall escalator that says: “Management will not be responsible for any injuries sustained while riding down the escalators wearing dark sunglasses.” Fluorescent lighting, hello?

6. Aw. HHWW.** And he’s carrying her shopping bags for her … Been together 2 months. Tops.

7. Women who are over 40 and who have dimples shouldn’t wear mini-skirts. Old, be-dimpled knees and mini-skirts just don’t go together. (Wait, was that Snooki again?!)***

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* According to Wikipedia [the authority on all things significant in our lives, yes], a “Muffin-top” is “a generally pejorative slang term used to describe the phenomenon of overhanging fat when it spills over the waistline of pants or skirts of overweight people in a manner that resembles the top of a muffin spilling over its paper casing.”