He went with his parents to the zoo. They introduced him to a bilby who used to be called Boy George but has now been renamed after Big G. Big G wanted to touch the bilby. His mother, Princess Catherine, was like, um, don’t let the Bruiser near the animal. He’ll hurt it. See? Brute!

At one point they tried to give Big G a stuffed bilby. You know what he did? He threw it away. Big G doesn’t business with fakes. He wants to destroy the real thing.

Never thought I’d be this entertained by the royal baby. But this kid is a star. This kid doesn’t just sit around burping and sh-tting. When they bring him out, he is there to be seen, and when he’s seen he’s either smacking kids in the face or trying to injure wildlife. I can’t wait to watch him grow up.