“Sexual Healing”

A man explained to my friends that the only reason I had my nails painted was because I wanted to get some “sexual healing.” He went on and on about how any woman who does anything to make herself look like she isn’t a troll, or any women who naturally doesn’t look like a troll is that way because she wants to have sex, even if she says she doesn’t.

I couldn’t even get in a word to tell him he was being a jerk or a rape apologist or offensive or that my mom bought me a manicure for my birthday etc etc. It continued until we got off the metro.

Golden Silence

Anonymous

Bob, there are people (men and women) who are asexual; they have no interest in sex and are not looking to attract mates. I’m guessing they still want to look nice. There are also people who already have mates and thus aren’t looking to attract anyone. Also, there are women (and men) who want to have sex, but maybe don’t want to at that time or who didn’t get their nails painted, etc. with the purpose of attracting a mate.

Anonymous

Bob,
If we assume what you believe is true, then there is still the question of why it is considered appropriate to a) discuss a stranger’s sexuality with her forcefully and b) to assume that said person hasn’t got many reasons to say to a particular stranger “No, I do not want to have sex with you” a truthful statement. As humans, we assume we can rise above our animalistic urges to “have sex and find a mate” as evidenced by most people’s use of the terms “partner,” “spouse,” or “boy/girlfriend” all of which indicate relationships that involve more than sex. Even if we could not, and our looks indicated nothing more than our availability to “mate” (FYI, many jobs require women to have a manicure), even animals refuse undesirable “mates,” which this man on the train obviously was.

Seriously, think a little bit. It may hurt at first, but you’ll get used to it.

tee

Perhaps some of us would like to look good for ourselves. Or perhaps we’d like to look attractive for the partners we *already* have. Having a pulled together appearance does not mean that every woman is actively looking.