UpFRONT

“Kaa's Law: In any sufficiently large group of people most
are idiots.”

—Kaa

“It doesn't matter who you are. Most of the smartest people
work for somebody else.”

—Bill Joy

“Technology lies on the leading edge of life.”

—Rush

“Teach a man to make fire, and he will be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his
life.”

—John A. Hrastar

“Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people
everything you know.”

—Sassan Tat

“We are perfecting markets. We are back in the
bazaar.”

—Kjell Nordström

“Brazil is the country of the future and always will
be.”

—Carl Steidtmann

“Prediction is very hard...especially when it's about the
future.”

—Yogi Berra

DOMAIN NAME ORPHANAGE

According to the Internet Software Consortium
(www.isc.org), 72.4
million domain names were taken by this past January. That was up
16.2 million over the prior six months. That comes out to about 88
thousand a day, 37 thousand an hour or a little over one every
second.

And yet some domain names are still safe from adoption. We
prove that every few months by offering another list of domain
names that prove untakable. Last time, we suggested “coloncam”,
''celeprosy'' and “butthook”, among others, all of which are
still yours for the low, low price of 70 bucks or less for two
years.

If you're one of those types that like to run with the
Joneses, you're probably looking for one of those “nt” names,
like Scient, Lucent, Viant, Cerent and Teligent (see
http://www.enormicom.com/
for the full list). But our crack research department (that sits
right here in my chair) has uncovered at least ten “nt” variants
that are still available. They include: Boviant, Annoyant,
Terminant, Reodorant, Cementent and Inexperient. So there you go;
register at will.

Now, here's this month's orphanage, filled with children that
probably will remain safe from adoption. All are available in .com,
.net, .org and every other form.

stenchofwindows

missthepoint

carpolite

undertux

thundertux

teenyweenylinux

talktodeath

pantsdot

overpants

birdturbine

bozoretentive

earfloss

tonguewax

foohost

crapmap

leisuresuitlinux

anitadrink

doubtfarm

quarterdog

halfahead

halfawake

—Doc Searls

The Penguin

by Rob Flynn and Jeramey Crawford

Once upon a term'nal dreary, while I hack'ed, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten code--
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a beeping,
As of someone gently feeping, feeping using damn talk mode.
"'Tis some hacker," I muttered, "beeping using damn talk mode--
Only this. I hate talk mode.

"Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak semester,
And college life wrought its terror as the school year became a bore.
Eagerly I wished for privileges--higher access I sought to borrow
For my term'nal, unceasing sorrow--sorrow for a file called core--
For the rare and radiant files of .c the coders call the core--
Access Denied. Chown me more.

"Open Source," did all mutter, when, with very little flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Penguin of the saintly days of yore.
Quite a bit obese was he; having eaten lots of fish had he,
But, by deign of Finnish programmer, he sat in the middle of my floor--
Looking upon my dusty term'nal in the middle of my floor--
Came, and sat, and nothing more.

Then the tubby bird beguiling my sad code into shining,
By the free and open decorum of the message that it bore,
"Though thy term'nal be dusty and slow," he said, "Linux be not craven!"
And thus I installed a new OS far from the proprietary shore--
The kernel code open but documentation lacking on this shore.
Quoth the Penguin, "pipe grep more!"

Much I marveled this rotund fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning--little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help believing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird in the middle of his floor--
Bird or beast sitting in the middle of his cluttered floor,
With such instructions as "pipe grep more."

But the Penguin, sitting lonely in that cluttered floor, spoke only
Those words, as if its soul in that instruction he did outpour.
Nothing more did he need utter; understood did I among that clutter--
Understood his command as I could scarcely do a few moments before--
I typed as furious as was willed me, understanding just a minute before.
Again the bird said "pipe grep more!"

"Amazing!" said I, "Penguin we will conquor the world if you will!
By the network that interconnects us--by that Finn we both adore--
We'll take this very world by storm!" For now grasped I what he'd meant,
The thing I do while searching /usr/doc/* for that wond'rous lore--
Those compendiums of plaintext documentation and descriptive lore.
Quoth the Penguin, "pipe grep more!"

And the Penguin, never waddling, still is sitting, still is sitting
In the middle of my room and still very cluttered floor;
And his eyes have all the seeming of the free beer I am drinking
And the term'nal-light o'er him glowing throws his shadows on the floor;
And this OS from out the shadows that is pow'ring my term'nal on the
floor
Shall be dominating--"Pipe grep more!"

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