Monthly Archives: April 2017

Relaxation Is As Easy As 1-2-3-4…

April 25, 2017

We all know what it’s like to be so tired we can’t sleep. Life seems to be getting faster and faster, and it’s as if we have to keep running and running just to stay in the same place. Nowadays relaxing is reserved for holidays or a twice-weekly class, but what if we could slip into relaxation as easily as breathing?

“Total relaxation is the ultimate. That’s the moment when one becomes a buddha. That is the moment of realisation, enlightenment, Christ-consciousness. You cannot be totally relaxed right now. At the innermost core a tension will persist.

Tension means hurry, fear, doubt. Tension means a constant effort to protect, to be secure, to be safe. Tension means preparing for tomorrow now, or for the afterlife—afraid tomorrow you will not be able to face the reality, so be prepared. Tension means the past that you have not lived really but only somehow bypassed; it hangs, it is a hangover, it surrounds you.

If you become capable of relaxing the body voluntarily, then you will be able to help your mind relax voluntarily.

Remember one very fundamental thing about life: Any experience that has not been lived will hang around you, will persist: “Finish me! Live me! Complete me!” There is an intrinsic quality in every experience that it tends and wants to be finished, completed. Once completed, it evaporates; incomplete, it persists, it tortures you, it haunts you, it attracts your attention. It says, “What are you going to do about me? I am still incomplete—fulfill me!”

Your whole past hangs around you with nothing completed—because nothing has been lived really, everything somehow bypassed, partially lived, only so-so, in a lukewarm way. There has been no intensity, no passion. You have been moving like a somnambulist, a sleepwalker. So that past hangs, and the future creates fear. And between the past and the future is crushed your present, the only reality.

You will have to relax from the circumference. The first step in relaxing is the body. Remember as many times as possible to look in the body, whether you are carrying some tension in the body somewhere—at the neck, in the head, in the legs. Relax it consciously. Just go to that part of the body, and persuade that part, say to it lovingly “Relax!”

And you will be surprised that if you approach any part of your body, it listens, it follows you—it is your body! With closed eyes, go inside the body from the toe to the head searching for any place where there is a tension. And then talk to that part as you talk to a friend; let there be a dialogue between you and your body. Tell it to relax, and tell it, “There is nothing to fear. Don’t be afraid. I am here to take care—you can relax.” Slowly slowly, you will learn the knack of it. Then the body becomes relaxed.

Then take another step, a little deeper; tell the mind to relax. And if the body listens, the mind also listens, but you cannot start with the mind—you have to start from the beginning. You cannot start from the middle. Many people start with the mind and they fail; they fail because they start from a wrong place. Everything should be done in the right order.

When the mind is relaxed, then start relaxing your heart, the world of your feelings, emotions—which is even more complex, more subtle.

If you become capable of relaxing the body voluntarily, then you will be able to help your mind relax voluntarily. The mind is a more complex phenomenon. Once you have become confident that the body listens to you, you will have a new trust in yourself. Now even the mind can listen to you. It will take a little longer with the mind, but it happens.

When the mind is relaxed, then start relaxing your heart, the world of your feelings, emotions—which is even more complex, more subtle. But now you will be moving with trust, with great trust in yourself. Now you will know it is possible. If it is possible with the body and possible with the mind, it is possible with the heart too. And then only, when you have gone through these three steps, can you take the fourth. Now you can go to the innermost core of your being, which is beyond body, mind, heart: the very centre of your existence. And you will be able to relax it too.

And that relaxation certainly brings the greatest joy possible, the ultimate in ecstasy, acceptance. You will be full of bliss and rejoicing. Your life will have the quality of dance to it.”

Tantra: Where Modern Love Meets Ancient Love

Tantra: Where Modern Love Meets Ancient Love

The marriage of sex and spirituality is a natural union that has its roots in ancient cultures all over the world. From the 5000 year-old study of sensual Tantra in India and the sexual practices of Taoist China, sex has had mystical significance for millennia. Both cultures studied techniques to enhance sexual pleasure and used sex as a means to enter higher states of awareness.

When beginning a discussion of Tantra with someone, I like to ask what that person’s perception of Tantra is. The answers are varied of course:

All correct. Well, except for Sting. While his comments about having all-night sex sessions with his wife have done much to bring Tantra into mainstream awareness, he has since admitted he was exaggerating.

Which isn’t to say it can’t be done.

The word Tantra comes from Sanskrit, meaning “to weave and expand.” All of the the varied parts of ourselves are allowed to come together: madonna, whore; child, adult; dominant, submissive; masculine, feminine and form an integrated whole. As we unfold into the deepest expression of who we are, we stretch out, become larger and fill more space. At its core, this is the Tantric path. I use the word Tantra loosely to cover the study of elevated sex and most of the principles I reference come from the Taoist sexual philosophy.

Tantric and Taoist study consider sexual energy to be extremely potent—the most powerful energy on the planet—and that consciously channeled, it can be used for amazing things. I’ve studied martial arts and yoga for years. The awareness and manipulation of energy has always fascinated me. Tantra is an extension of these studies: it’s sexual kung fu. In the conscious direction of sexual energy, one can revitalize physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. Ancient Taoist physicians prescribed certain sexual positions to cure different ailments. It’s the best acupressure treatment going. Instead of declining sex when feeling tired, try having sex instead. It will energize you.

Moving and channeling sexual energy enables you to clear blockages where your energy has been stagnant, possibly causing dysfunction and disease. Once you’ve cleared those, you have that energy available to revitalize organs, meridians and your brain.

One of the most commonly understood facets of Tantra is the focus on the journey. Most people have a very goal-oriented view of sex: orgasm is the be-all and end-all and the gauge of how good the encounter was. In Tantra, the pleasure is in the prolonging. Orgasm is amplified tenfold: you feel it in your entire body, not just your genitals; and the sensations of ecstasy can last for hours. Take this even further with the idea that your sexual simmer ought to extend out of the bedroom and into your everyday life. Your bodies and feelings can always be humming at a slight throb of desire, of wanting each other, of being sensually open and ready.

Plus, I love marathon sex. I love to have sex for hours. And hours. I love the connecting, I love the endurance and I love the high I get from it. I seek out activities that challenge my tenacity: I weight train, I run, I climb mountains. I love the feeling of being about to collapse and then somehow reaching inside of myself to find more strength. My sexual practice helps build that in me.

Elaborating on the idea of “weaving,” is the perpetual “yes.” Loving, accepting and revealing the deepest parts of yourself and offering that same gift to your partner is powerful medicine. I know for myself, that a pre-condition to any sensual exploration is sexual permissiveness. For me to feel safe and open up, I need for my lovers to be sexually fearless. When we both come from a place without judgment, the most profound healing, connecting and growth happens. The bedroom becomes a microcosm. In that arena, where I’m free to explore and occupy all the different and wild parts of myself, I take that outside of our intimate space with me: I act without thinking (a good thing) and I live from a place of non-censoring.

There are many dimensions to Tantra—from the conscious channeling of sexual energy, to a focus on authenticity, depth and the celebration of no-judgment. Integrating elements from ancient sexual traditions can only improve the quality of your sex and connection.

A Tantra Meditation to Enhance Your Love Life !

A Tantra Meditation To Enhance Your Love Life

If you’re at all into spirituality, meditation or yoga, chances are you’ve heard of Tantra.

Many people are now turning to Tantra as a lifestyle practice. But beyond Tantra being a codeword for some kind of sexual marathon that Sting jokingly claimed to enjoy, what exactly is it?

More importantly, is it something that’s within reach for you to enjoy, and can it help you grow in some way?

At its essence, Tantra is a practice that combines movement, breath, meditation and sound, to assist the Chakra energy system within the body to open. This opening allows dormant energy, known as Kundalini, to move up from the pelvis, along the spine. The movement of this life-force energy can help you to heal by loosening constrictions within the body that have developed over a lifetime. The expansion of the energy body also increases sensation, clairvoyance and one’s ability to connect with others.

For many people, it’s this expanded ability to connect with a partner that draws them to Tantra. But aside from the obvious benefits of improving your sex life, Tantra practices can also expand the energy body toward its true purpose — your true purpose. All in all, it feels good to practice Tantra and the side benefit of ecstatic orgasms (by yourself or with a partner) keep people coming back for more.

But you don’t really jump straight to the ecstatic orgasms when you begin a Tantra practice, and that’s OK. Every new skill starts small, with the basics! The gentle movement and breathing techniques of Qigong (which I teach my Tantra students to balance their energy), and Tantra yoga (which raises energy) are enjoyable in their own right, as you journey down the Tantric path.

Even more basic (and far easier to learn from reading an article) are meditations that guide you to move energy up and down the spine and expand the energy centers of your body. With a regular practice of only five minutes each day, gradually adding time as you progress, Tantra becomes available to all physical abilities. Most people who want to, can find time to fit this into their daily routine.

Below is a Tantric meditation that raises energy and invites the energy centers along the spine to open. Even if you’re not currently in an intimate relationship with anyone other than yourself, these meditations offer tangible benefits.

Third Eye Meditation

Known as a Spinal Meditation in Ipsalu Kriya Yoga, this meditation technique opens the Crown Chakra (top of the head) and the Third Eye Chakra (middle of the forehead) to receive divine energy. It also activates a circuit of energy up and down the spine, opening awareness to the heavens, while maintaining a connection to the Earth.

Come into a comfortable seated position. Feel your sit bones at the base of your pelvis and your legs touching the cushion and floor below you. If sitting in a chair, feel your feet on the floor.

Inhale and lengthen your spine. Imagine a string is pulling the top of your head toward the sky. Exhale and reach your tailbone toward the Earth, while maintaining that length in your spine. You can imagine your tailbone is a taproot connecting with the heart of the Earth. Keep your chin parallel to the floor. Continue to breathe easily and naturally.

Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth and imagine a golden ball in front of just above your eyebrows, in the center of your forehead (your third eye). Inhale through your nose, roll the ball over the top of your head (crown), down the spine to your tailbone, chanting the word “hung” in your mind.

Exhale through your nose, rolling the ball back up the spine, over your head to your forehead (third eye), and chant “sau” (sounds like “saw”) on inhalation.

This chant means, “I am that” or “I am.”

By chanting this mantra you are affirming your True Self as one with the Earth and the Divine.

Start by doing this practice for five minutes daily and add more time each time you sit, building up to 20 minutes each day.

Note that it is important to balance a Kundalini activating practice with a grounded practice. An imbalance of Kundalini may make you lightheaded or dizzy, too energized, talkative or prone to insomnia. Simple activities such as restorative yoga, receiving massage, walks in nature, weight training, or eating foods such as root vegetables and oily foods like avocados and olives can help.

While it may be tempting to stay in a raised Kundalini state, it can be very difficult to function while living in the ethers. If you notice you feel energetically out of balance, return to activities and practices that ground you, and seek assistance if necessary. Consulting an experienced Tantra educator for support is important if you have difficulty grounding yourself.

Should you wish to use meditation as a way into sacred sexuality practices with a partner, I highly recommend working with a trained and experienced Tantra teacher — and always remain deeply connected to yourself.