Listen. I really don’t ask for much… but I bring the decor in your apartment from the level of blasé to the level of stunning… and I feel like I deserve some thanks for that, you know? It’s like, every day you just walk right on by me without saying anything. You don’t even acknowledge my existence! You paid good money for me, and now you just ignore me! I feel so unloved… 😦

It’s neither wallpaper nor a sweater, it’s a bath towel. I know this because I have this very same bath towel. It used to hang in my bathroom, but the lion face kept staring at me and freaking me out, so I put the towel elsewhere. The voices said it was for the best.