How to Eat Two Pounds of Cashews in 4.5 Days

As a non-food blogger I hesitate to share recipes. Mostly because I am about as far away from a foodie as is possible, which you’ve probably already deduced by the frequency with which I bring up ants on a log. One international reader commented that this was her first time hearing about ants on a log. WUT? Zero prep! Three food groups! It’s a party on a celery stalk! Anytime you see some stupid Pinterest thing trying to sell you an easy 5 minute meal, you should ask the question: IS IT ANTS ON A LOG? If not, the window should be closed immediately and you should roll your eyes and make a psssshhhhhh sound at your monitor.

But sometimes I like when non-food bloggers post recipes because I know it must be something special, and my ears perk up and I’m all, go ahead with your message, I’m listening. So with that in mind, let’s talk cashews.

I came across this recipe on– YES, I ADMIT IT– Pinterest. (You can follow me on Pinterest if you enjoy following people who update twice a year. BTW, did you hear you could melt crayons with a hairdryer?) The author of the recipe is “on a mission to empower healthy lifestyle transformations” which is funny because I’m on a mission to eat blocks of Cabot cheese, contemplate exercise, but ultimately decide to stay at my desk and read Twitter feeds of various The Bachelor contestants. Nevertheless, we have something in common, and that’s these cashews:

Your first action item is to get raw cashews, which you can find in the aisle with the bulk bins, at least at the grocers I frequent. I won’t tell you how much they cost because my husband reads this blog. But I ask you, can you put a price on your heart health? NO. But if you did, you might say it was somewhere around $7.99/pound.

Here is the link to the recipe again. The only thing I changed was using olive oil instead of coconut oil, because bleh coconut yuck. I know as a wannabe Earth Mother I’m supposed to worship the stuff but it tastes like coconut and bleh coconut yuck. It also calls for hot paprika and I will save you the Google here– hot paprika can be made with half regular paprika and half chili powder. (The more you know.)

Seriously, guys, I GORGED myself on these as soon as they came out of the oven. Gorged! On a healthy snack! That’s why you must know about these. And as the title of this suggests, all two pounds were gone in 4.5 days. They would be so easy to transport for a get together, package for holiday gifts, et cashew cetera. I’m in lurve. You will be too. Go forth and eat.

I thought it was deliicciiouss and the perfect level of spice. I have a moderate-ish tolerance for heat; my mom doesn’t like spicy things and said it was too hot : ) I guess it would be easier to just use less though!

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I like to think of this as a mom blog with benefits. We reject niches and do it all here— the snarky, the sentimental, the hilarity of the everyday. Always fun, never lame, may contain traces of tree nuts.