In a society where parenting is expected, some of us do not have children because our partners are unable or unwilling to make babies. That's what this blog and my book, Childless by Marriage, are about. Let's talk about what it's really like.

Welcome! After several weeks of transition, Childless by Marriage now lives completely at this site. All of the old posts are here, along with most of the comments. In starting fresh at a new home, I thought it might be helpful to backtrack a little. Several posts have attracted far more comments than any of the others, and I don’t want anyone to miss a single comment or miss their chance to add their own thoughts. The old comments got a little scrambled in order when they were transferred to this WordPress site, but they’re there.

Coming in second: If You Disagree About Children, is Your Relationship Doomed? Since January 2013, I have received 241 comments. Click on the link to read what I said and how people responded. If you don’t see the comments at first, keep scrolling down. Clearly there is no good answer to the question I asked in my blog.

Does one of these topics speak to you? Go ahead and join the discussion. If you commented before, how about an update?

As of this week, this blog has been going for eight years. I find it hard to believe, but it’s a topic that never ends. Every day, I hear from people who are in the midst of trying to figure out what to do? Break up? Stay together? Get pregnant? Give up on having children? How do you live with the grief? Will I regret not having children? How do I relate to my friends and family who are all having babies? Come back every Wednesday for a new post, and we’ll try to figure it out together.

People of any age and life situation are welcome here. I only ask that people who are childless by choice refrain from bashing those who don’t feel the same way. Comments that smack of “breeder bashing” will be deleted.

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2 thoughts on “Childless by Marriage discussion rages on”

Every decision and creeping non decision can lead to unexpected results. I notice (now !) that when childless by circumstances women think about the child that might have been, the natural assumption is that the child will be a healthy and typical child. I must admit I had never even heard of the term ‘typical’ to describe non disabled children until I became immersed in the world of childhood disability. However that was then and this is now with one disabled child and one typical child – both arrived late in life, 39 and 41 with the typical one coming second. I have also noticed that some parents do not have further children if the first one is disabled – for a whole variety of reasons but fear of fate repeating itself being the primary one. There are women who are mothers in the statistics but who in reality have all the same issues of worry about who will look after them in old age – let alone the disabled child ! and who do not get mother’s day cards or any normal expectation that comes with motherhood. I hope this is not too depressing and I don’t know if it fits in with your debate or not but just as there are no certainties that a typical child won’t grow up and become estranged, there are no guarantees that the picture postcard childhood is going to happen either.

Hi Moira. Thank you for this comment. It brings a new perspective, especially for those who think having a baby will solve all of their problems. There are no guarantees. My cousin is facing the same sort of situation. He is widowed and in very poor health. His developmentally disabled son is in his 40s, but he cannot live on his own. It’s a big worry. I wish you and your family well.

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