Tough Love

Summary:
Leaving your love is hard, but forgetting about the pain is even worse. Try telling that to Edward Cullen. When he thinks he's imagining things, he doesn't know how real things are about to get. A twist on New Moon Chapter 3 is up!

Notes:
I know what you're thinking, this story is so over done! But really, IT'S NOT what you think it is. I don't know how to explain it, but it's actually really good. I just hope you'll like this.

4. With a broken diamond heart

For no matter how hard I tried, I could not do what was right. It was simple really. I should be doing the right thing – but I’m not. Must I always be this selfish?

Even now, the thought of returning to my beautiful Bella was clouding my thoughts, bringing dangerous fantasies to mind. How would her lips taste against my own again? Would she cry tears of happiness when she saw me? Or even if she was angry with me and never wanted to see me again, I would still be there…watching from the shadows while she grew older and fell in love again. My dead, cold heart would break a million times, but as long as I could see her smile it would be worth it all.

“What are you thinking about?” A soft voice erupted through my thoughts. I had almost lost myself in thoughts of Bella…

“I should ask you the same thing,” I muttered softly, half hoping she wouldn’t hear me.

She gave a puzzled look and then looked away. I took a deep breath and her scent was almost like another wrecking ball…I had lost what I was so desensitized to.

“You’ve gone much more silent in the past few moments. Don’t get me wrong, it’s peaceful,” I teased slightly. “But kind of worrying.”

Bella was right; I had a multiple personality disorder.

“I…I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice tight with concern.

“Why are you apologizing?” I asked, tense now.

“Edward…it wasn’t fair of me to judge the lengths of your love for Bella. If you don’t think it’s in the best interest, don’t listen to me. Although I think you should go back, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should.”

And there, the point of my longing and hope to see Bella again nearly crushed me. There was a liquid fire under my skin at the thought of my return only bringing danger to her again.

“She’s so fragile…” I whispered, more to myself than to the Bella look-alike by my side. “So breakable, so soft-hearted. A strong mind, for sure, but much more vulnerable than she thinks. If only I could love her without hurting her…”

“If only you could. I guess that’s the drawback in all tragedies, isn’t it?” Marie half-smiled, biting her lower lip just as Bella would do in a time of anxiety.

“So many different ways I could use the words if only…” I almost laughed. It was comical how many different ways.

If only I were human, so I could be with Bella.

If only I was strong enough to be with her without hurting her.

If only I was soft enough, fragile enough, smart enough…

The list went on and on.

And then, an inkling of a thought slipped past my walls, on to a vision of Alice’s that caused me turmoil since the second I had laid eyes on my beautiful angel.

If only Bella were a vampire… like me.

“Ah,” I groaned. “Marie, distract me, please?”

Anything, any other thought, would be preferable than thinking about that conclusion.

“I think it’s getting too dark now,” she said, the worry in her voice apparent. I hadn’t noticed, for my eyesight would be the same in the dark.

“I think the forest will be ending soon. You said it was at the edge, correct?”

“Yeah… hey, do mind doing me a favor?”

“I’m doing you a favor now,” I reminded her. “But another might be possible.” I added politely.

“Don’t tell my parents I was lost, ok? They won’t let me out to the forest again… just say you found me by the river and I asked if you wanted to stay at the cottage, all right?”

“Can do,” I replied. She smiled again and the trouble in her melted chocolate eyes disappeared.

“So are you going to do go back?” She asked softly after a few moments of silence.

“I don’t know… I want to, so very badly. But I don’t know if I should be so selfish.”