It’s thinking something has to give, and then it doesn’t, and then starting the sentence over.

It’s like screaming and screaming but your voice comes out as silence.

It’s like your talking, but you’re not speaking, showing emotions but not feeling. Existing but never really being alive.

It’s like you’re writing pleas with your eyes but everyone is blind.

It’s like being burned until your skin blisters, and then frozen until you’re so numb you just want to fade away.

It’s like there’s a huge shadowy figure looming over your shoulder, but when you turn to see it it disappears.

It’s like being told the answer is wrong but never knowing what the question is.

It’s like driving a car while looking out the back window, and trying to figure out where you are and where you’re going.

It’s like seeing your reflection in a shattered mirror and trying to understand the whole.

It’s having happiness snatched from your fingers so many times, that you stop bothering to catch it, and you stop trusting it all together.

It’s needing to sob your heart out, but finding your face is as stone as a statue.

It’s like your mind is sending you pop ups “Feel the pain now?” And you keep pressing “Later”

And therapy?

Therapy is like being stripped naked and thrown into the middle of a football field, and everyone in the crowd is throwing clothes at you and telling you what to wear.

But at the end of the day; you’ve got to choose what to pick up and what to put on. If you try and put everything on, everything’s going to get chaotic, and you’ll be stuck with a thousand t-shirts and skirts and pants and only one body. One mind. The gentle tones, cliche advice and text book social workers can make you feel as if you’re being convicted rather than supported. And misunderstood rather than understood. Everyone’s speaking to you like you’re fragile, about to break, or explode. When realistically you are probably imploding.

Everyone seems to think they have the answer for you don’t they? When it started, how it happened, what you’re supposedly ‘really’ like. Like it’s a story that had to have a beginning point, and you’re in the middle of it and they are going to predict the ending from here. Well, despite our movie and storybook perception on life that society seems to adopt, life isn’t a story with a set beginning that goes In Chronological order from A to B and then to C. It gives us lessons everyday that can change what was once a beginning into an ending, or what was once good, bad. And what once hurt, Heal. It’s just perception.

What I’m trying to say, is that there doesn’t have to be one thing that happened to clock over and change a person from mentally healthy to mentally ill. I’m not saying its impossible, but I’m saying its what most people assume and it mostly isn’t the case. It could have been a ‘series of unfortunate events’ (Thanks Lemony), and it just kind of changed you slowly, like a plant growing inside your mind that starts to strangle your ability to thrive. It’s you, and you’re it. It could have been our individual perception and reaction to life, which makes others consider us as being ill in the mind. This doesn’t make us weak, this doesn’t make us victims, it makes us different. But isn’t everyone?

Of course, we are suffering. We have suffered, we are suffering and on top of that we are going to suffer a bit more. We wish we could take the outsiders inside us and show them the world through our eyes, but we know we can’t do that. And so many of us feel like prisoners and captives inside our heads. Like we are innocents locked inside as a crime. Most of the time we are fretting about the exterior, and how to make the exterior work with the interior. When we really just need to start understanding the interior, and stop stressing so much about how we are perceived in the outer world, because it is unpredictable. All we can do is learn to understand our inner worlds, so as to function In turn, in the outer one.

Because answers don’t come from others, because there is no set resolution. Individuality is something we all have, and it is neither positive nor negative. It is just a difference in perspectives. People offering you their opinions and their values about how to help someone who is in a dark place get into a supposing better, lighter one, should never be taken literally. The opinions and ideas of others are ‘considerations’ not things to be taken on as burdens. I used to feel like I was weaker than the rest of the walk of life, that the people who told me I was a victim must have been right. I believed I deserved to be punished, because it might toughen me up. That I had to make myself hurt more so that I could learn to tolerate it more. And what happened? Much too much self torture and allowing myself to be abused, because I thought everyone else had the answers for me. Then one day I learned that I didn’t have to hurt and hate myself anymore.

YOU choose what comes into your world, YOU choose what you want to believe, and YOU ride in the front seat of your car because its your bloody car in the first place isn’t it? Don’t hand someone else the break or the wheel. It’s not their control.

Somewhere inside you know that no matter how deep you’ve buried that love, you are worth all of it, and every kind thought you send to yourself. You can’t keep feeding that sprout hate and torture and expecting it to bloom flowers! Sure, like the rose, we all need our thorns and we all have them. But don’t be sleeping beauty stuck inside her immense black thorny forest of darkness, waiting for some miracle of a prince to come cut you out with his answers and solutions. You are the prince, you are the princess, and you are the thorns. Don’t let anyone else tell you how to get out of the maze.

While I’m sure you are sick of my metaphors already, I’m going to throw another at you afterall. If your life was a car, and you were riding in it then you’d understand that it’s a pretty confusing drive most of the time. Half the time it’s because we’re expecting ourselves to know the destination. But we can’t and we don’t, and its ever changing (No beginning and no end is set in stone), and dammit it’s just the ride that counts. So don’t listen to Barry who thinks taking the next left is going to be great for you because right turned out poorly back along the line, or Roald who thinks turning back and going in the opposite direction is going to be A-Ok for you, or Betty who seems to think stopping and taking a piss on the side of he road is going to be exceptionally beneficial to your welfare.

Don’t fill up your cup with pointless advice, or its just going to overflow and turn the world into chaos. When you want to learn and observe someone else’s advice, do so, don’t take it on as a burden. Feel free to dismiss it, disregard it, forget it and let it fly away free from you. Advice is optional. Always. It’s not an answer to a multiple choice question. It can be A B C and/or D. Your choice. If you don’t know what your doing, accept you don’t and spend time being clueless. Don’t fret and run to someone else and take them literally if they tell you they know the universal secrets to living a fulfilling life. I’m completely honest with you when I say you already have all the answers your hurting over, and frustrating yourself about. That’s why sometimes we go “aha! That makes sense” when someone tells us something we subconsciously knew about ourselves but didn’t hear our inner voice enough to get it first hand. We always seem to want it confirmed by an outside source. And if you find a therapist who can do that, then they are likely a person with a fantastic ability to empathise and build a bridge between two minds to help them understand something they know but can’t translate themselves. Then, my friend, you’ve got yourself a really good therapist, a really good friend or significant other.

You know, if there was a flow to life, then being one of the “mentally ill” is having that flow stop. Like being thrown out of the flow and onto the sidelines. Instead of having reactions and experiences occur automatically we have to somewhat build them manually. It doesn’t come naturally, it’s like the rest of the world is blissfully asleep and you’ve suddenly snapped awake into consciousness. It’s like suddenly you’ve got a watch on your wrist, and while everyone is enjoying or immersed in the flow, you’re watching the clock face the entire time, watching how the minutes tick by, agonisingly slow and mechanical like. No matter what you do you can’t tear your eyes away from that watch. You can’t forget it’s there. You can’t stop the moments breaking apart, can’t stop having to remind yourself you’re supposed to laugh, you’re supposed to cry, and smile and frown. Because you’re out of the flow, you’re that 0.1% that is now in a different frequency, and the other 99.9% of the population won’t shut up for a minute between the rants of how you got there, and how bad it is that you are, and need to leave it, and how ill you are, to tell you that the frequency is somewhere you are going to learn to live. And they can’t tell you how to do that. It’s a secret you’ve been told and its changed everything and you can’t un-hear it now. You’ve lost everything and more, so having it back can’t erase the fear of losing it again. Something has changed in you. And yeah, that could be a plural too. Basically, Someone’s taken your favourite book and thrown ink all over the last page, and you can’t keep trying to scrape the crap off and figure out how it ends. You need to start blank and rewrite.

Those who are still in the flow, I watch mostly, often telling those who are out of it that they just need to jump back in. “just be grateful, you’ve got this, and that” they drone. And so they think its their fault they feel the way they do, and that it’s a choice and you can leave it, like you supposedly chose it. No, no and no. Others in the flow might tell them they are just being too negative. Again like they choose to be non-positive; again, this is so far from the case. This makes them beat themselves up for beating themselves up for beating themselves up, and then you’ve just got this paradox that never solves anything.

Out of the flow, life is different. You can’t spend your life waving your arms about in a panic because you can’t get back to where everyone else is. It’s a new world for you. With new emotional heights, in both ups and downs. With whole new perspectives that always give more than you would anticipate. There is no medication you can take that’s going to put you back there, retract the secret and make you forget. No doctor who speaks golden words that change the way you work into something legitimate. You’re human, not a computer with a fucking virus. And because you see this in your perspective now, and see that it isn’t set, it isn’t easy; you learn to crawl here, then you learn to limp, walk and maybe someday run. And it is the way it is, we can’t concentrate on why it happened to be us who got thrown out, there is no reason, and if there is we aren’t going to figure it out until God himself tells us why. Know that you aren’t alone here, there is others too. And now you can look for inspiration in the right places.

Both our hearts were at extremes. You're not ready. I am too eager. Both yearning at different times.

Perhaps I've been hasty, fearful, loathesome...

In a perfect world, we would have never met. Our paths, never to have crossed. Our souls, strangers.

This was not the case. We've met. Connected. For we were glad.

Things were supposed to be like that. Just you and I, friends. Oblivious to the truth.

A moment divided us. Our worlds, severed. It was because I was fearful.

Now, you are bathed in light, affection, support.

What of I? I do not matter.

As long as your smile beams, to me, it will be all just a dream... A bittersweet dream...

"Sometimes I wonder if it was a type of love, friendship, obsession or all three."

Picture by another writer on fictionpress-

Picture

A picture captures a moment It may be good or bad Happy or sad You may put them in frames Or tear them to your hearts content

They cover my walls I look at the ones of you and me when I cry And when I cant stand I sit down by your picture With my head in my hands And I cry I try to not do this often But I hold in all my tears during the day And your picture watches me while I cry The picture doesn't hug me I close my eyes and pretend you are here Pretend that you are hugging me Whispering in my ear I love you Like how you used to

Only two months Then I won't see you again Unless you choose to be where I am Because I don't know where you will be

I won't forget how happy I was When your arms wrapped around me And my head rested on your chest I listened to your wonderful heartbeat It was so musically sound Calming my tears When I found the cut on your wrist And you told me it was no accident Waves of sorrow hit me You saw how much I cared And so you let me see the sharp objects You told me to throw them away All I could do Was hug you And tell you that I love you

But before that You asked me to be the one you called your girlfriend I was shocked and told you to give me time I was so close to telling you yes But then you got a girlfriend

I accepted that I was too late I took my punishment bravely We laughed We talked But you weren't single So you had to put me on the back burner I understood But it still hurt

Well you broke up with her But only a day after you started dating another She didn't and doesn't like me She tried pushing me away But I didn't stop loving you So she took you away I tried to reason with her But it ended with me breaking down There were so many witnesses to my tears But only my brother and a teacher tried to aid my pain I sat in that small room the teacher took me to I cried and cried He left and I cried harder But you don't even know that Even though the only thing that separated us was on thin wall While you played your baritone I listened to the bands melodies I just sat in that chair And let my heart break

After that you asked for forgiveness and so did she I gladly gave it to you But I was now scared of her Her cruel words were forever replaying in my mind But things went to an almost normal between us If only it stayed

We were in the band hall I wanted a hug You were refusing and said you were nervous I was so confused on why But then you placed that note in my pocket And I looked at it and I was hoping my worst case scenario was not coming true But it was So I read the note And to my dismay It started the tears That I cry When I look at your picture On my closet door

Poem I found on fictionpress that reminds me of my year long obsession with a girl named Caroline. She was my crimson Rose gorgeously beutiful, but at the same time deadly with thorns so sharp they pierced my heart and soul till there was almost nothing else left of me. I was almost dead and dry and then I met HER. The one that saved me and wrapped her wings around the holes and gave me reason to live again. I am sure though that maybe one day I have yet to meet my soulmate. Wherever he is though I do NOT know.

The Bloody Rose

That rose had dawned a gentle redit dangled loosely in my hand.Without a care or thought or dreadI lay upon the soaken sand.

Because I sought a deeper redthat rose was my infinity.I prayed for it, though I'd be dead,drinks granting it divinity.

Repeatedly I woke with fright,but it remained throughout my rest.I gazed upon it in the lightand wrapped it closer to my chest.

I cluthced it tighly in my sleepdreaming only of the morning.My blood had never run so deepunderneath the crimson morning.

But it sought a different red:barbed talons through my flesh did rip.Lying alone, alone I bled.Foul curse! I crushed it in my grip.

December 14th, 2012, Adam Lanza fatally shot 20 children and 6 adult staff members from Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. Before he went to the school, Lanza shot and killed his mother at their Newtown home. As first responders arrived on the scene, Adam committed suicide by shooting himself in the head. This is my tribute to the memory of those lost that day.

If I choose you,/ I'll lay on the line/ All of me this time,/ My fears, my gaps./ If I lose you,/ The last string holding/ The pieces of me/ Together snaps./ And it's not worth that risk. *Gothic ballad*

You might capture pictures of the clear blue sky,/ But you can't escape the dark clouds in your mind./ Forgive us, our trespasses,/ I can see through your white framed glasses/ Into the eyes that twinkle with death. *Goth-rock*

Welcome to Paradise. Emotions are illegal here. Every morning, all citizens must inhale the Purge, a gas that keeps them impassive. Liam Cato upholds the laws and Charlotte Tatum breaks them. This is their story. THE SEQUEL, EMPATHY, IS COMING SOON!

One day you're a normal teenager moving to a new town and your biggest worry is wither or not your twin brother's delinquent behavior will make you an outcast in your new home. The next you discover that you are an heir to Merlin's powers, your aunt is a missing person, and you, your brother and friends are responsible for hunting down a rising evil. Amazing how things change.

When a cancer-cure-gone-wrong brings on armaggedon over have a century ago, it's every man for themself. thorn's been alone for as long as she can remember, but when she stumbles along society, can she stay so estranged?

Maeve Rivers has an unhealthy obsession with Vampires, that according to her may or may not exist, the former being a definite possibility in her head. When her mother has had the last straw of her bringing nothing but D's and F's on all things geometry she makes her get a tutor. A tutor that she swears is a Vampire and she wants him...or at least she thinks she does.

She walks forward, looking around. The wind blows by her and moves the dress she is wearing ever so slightly. The silk brushes against her legs and makes her shiver. She presses on; brushing the loose strand of silver hair the wind has placed on her face. Pearly white teeth bite her pale upper lip as she looks around in confusion. She is alone. She shouldn't be.

A virus is weird thing. So far, we don't see them to be alive. We don't see 'zombies' as alive either. They're interconnected, and we don't understand either. A story of surviving the outbreak. Strong, bloody violence and swearing in all chapters.

Now stomp on my heart till I wake up from this nightmare./ Stomp on my heart hard, show me you don't care./ Stomp on my heart till I can see that we'll never get there./ Stomp on my heart at the very beginning, quick.

I've had enough./ I won't take it anymore./ You should see now / What it feels like to be ignored./ I'm not gonna sit here/ Catching my own tear drops./ I've been chasing after you/ But now that's gonna stop./ And now you'll see/ What it's like to miss me.

Sometimes I feel so tired/ That I cannot seem to breathe/ My eyelids flutter shut/ But I don't know how to sleep/ Because I am kept awake by monsters/ That haunt my thoughts and dreams/ I am kept awake by heartache/ That eats inside of me

This story expresses it all, gay love, straight love, inter-racial love, just any love around the world because it's such a powerful desire that happens to millions of people every day. It will explore people's struggling love, making love, finding love, denying love, just anything that has to do with love. Also my first story so please no hate! Rated T for now.

Sometimes we are crying out in anguish, and sometimes we revel in happiness. This duality is a blessing and a curse that brings many emotions into play, but far too often we don't realize how the passion and the pain weave together to form the word love.

Darkness. The Unknown. We create this fear of the dark. A playround for everything we see as evil. A chance for people to catch us off guard- a sense is not at its optimum. The Darkness offers a chance for misdeeds to be done. For evil to come out and play. For paranoia to set in and control our thoughts.

It is a world where everyone has a super power. This is the writing of one man attempting to explain all of the powers thoroughly and scientifically. Please read and respond and if any of the science is incorrect or doesn't make sense please ask about it on the related forum.

Jamila is a young priestess with only one goal: to serve her goddess. But her life takes a complete turn when she finds a strange amulet. When the Pharao's men come for her she is taken into a world she has never seen, and she fears she never will.

Title is still subject to change. This is the revised version of a story I started writing about 2011, about a human-dragon hybrid and her friend as they...well, you'll have to read to find out! Rated because I'm nervous.

A young girl strolls through the night, an uneasy feeling boiling inside her. Something is bothering her. The night is cold but she isn't freezing. Something smells awfully delicious, but she sees nothing. What is happening to her? Read to find out.

A story about a female wolf's journey through life after her old pack has kicked her out, along the way she meets a playful pup and a cowardly loner. Together this odd group forms a small pack, but the sudden appearance of a stranger changes everything.

They always leave you behind, because you're afraid. You tried to be good, but they don't care. No one cares because you're still hiding. Hiding in your dreams which you'll never try, because you're still hiding.

I live in a world that is ruled by a song. Our world is shattered, driven by a promise of prosperity found in twelve verses. It tells us what to do. How to live, how to die. ...and I want no part in it.

The darkness and the fog made it hard for Jun to see the end of the sidewalk. There were no people in the streets, and the night was as silent as a graveyard. After walking a few meters, he spotted a large wooden platform and decided to sit there...

Boy lives at home. Boy gets attacked by werewolf. Boy leaves family and friends to live in a house alone. Boy meets vampires. Boy gets friend. You know the story. Idea came to me while watching Being Human US. I posted this on before so...

Mankind perfected itself in the form of androids filled with liquid intelligent essence of the human body and spirit. They are called Viscera. These are tales from their history, and the history of those that fight them.

The post apocalyptic world where humans have brought their own demise. A Lab experiment gone wrong has changed parts of the human race into mutated killers. This is the story of a boy surviving, and becoming a man in the process.

Twin brothers, Peyton and Theon, are bound by a pyschic link. When Peyton snaps, becoming psychotic, Theon tries desperately to stop his twin. But Peyton will not be swayed. Theon is left with no other choice. But not all bonds are severed by death.

This is about a group of girls, all with different problems such as; cutting, anorexia, bulimia, drugs, ect. Somehow or a another they all end up in the same mental hospital. This is a story about how they come to terms with their illnesses and cure them.

I still recall giving you that bracelet, yet you told your little sister to throw it away. Here is a poem based on what I feel that bracelet symbolized. I know you'll never read it, but whatever this ones for you.

Over and over this dream turns to reality. Over and over again I meet the curious stranger in my dreams. Over and over I fall for her, and over and over again I lose her. But hey that's fate for me as I have always been cursed...

Musings on a dream I had eight years ago. What's the point in having strong friendship type feelings for someone if they don't have them back? What's the point of loving the one literally of ur dreams if they don't love u back? What's the point of saying, "Me too." to someone's, "I love you, babe" if they just meant it as a nice gesture and said it like they mean it another way?

Self-Bashing, Self-Loathing, Self-Hatred, Condemned by your own mind at the chains of obsession, You are free till you get caught up in obsessions regression, Till you are left broken, jaded, and forevermore frustrated.

What is the purpose of seeing the future in your dreams, when you meet the person of your dreams and it turns out that the person of your dreams wasn't right for you? Surely that would be the worst curse, and sadly this has happened to me. Then again I am crazy anyways, and I think maybe that is why I have these so called 'gifts' of poetry and precognition.

You betrayed me. Hurt me. You said those words, and I expected to much. Now I am left in the aftermass of worsening pain. I warned you this would happen, and still you didn't believe me. We were always destined to be so close, yet, so far. Now I must cry a thousand tears, and keep my last promise to you to not cut or kill myself. This at least I will keep though u didn't keep urs.

It's always little things that hurt the most. Like how you failed to mention my name when you rattled off names of people you'd miss. Like how you tried to reassure me that you'd miss me too. And then you asked for a hug, and during the middle of it said "I love you, baby." You promised you'd call, and when my birthday came around- I got no call. That's what hurt the most.

You said those words to me, and after telling me to call you you just walked away. You came in to my life quickly, and you left just as fast. Now I am wondering why, because I never meant to get so close.

Now I've finally let you go. Your name no longer hold me in chains. I am free after crying on someones chest where I had laid. I am free from my obsession and the thought that I had loved you. I am free from you, and there will NEVER be another female in my life. I will be happy with my husband in the future as I break your chains which had held me for two years, and about kill me.

I met someone at a shelter who claimed to be my friend this is about her the '2nd' person I became obsessed with- the first being Caroline. Now 2nd person no want be my friend because of my obsession problems that I am trying to fix to no avail. Next poem talks about my obsessions as being the darkness of my life and my deepest darkest secret.

In my fantasy, it is you and I. He does not exist, and the baby is from an adoption. In my fantasy, you love, not like me, as much as I do you. In my fantasy, you lie in my embrace together forever. But fantasy is not reality, Caroline. So I must let you go, and write a new story that hopefully has a happier ending.

Amanda is scared due to the fact that her school is hosting an All About Apples day. But what's so bad about an All About Apples Day, anyways? Surely that would be so boring; wouldn't it? Well not if you fear apples, and you think the apple aliens are coming by to eat you. Read to find out. Part three of The Girl Who Feared Apples trilogy. Please R&R.

"I hadn't meant to destroy my BFF who I havn't seen in forever, but when the 'beast' takes over it can make you do horrid things including mutilating your own BFF. 'It' takes over your body until you eventually succum to it. I, Hope Houston, never wanted to mutilate my BFF, but I had unfortunatly done just that." Dark Themes, Vampires, Rated M to be safe, Please R & R.

Kalona used to have the best life ever until he fell from Grace, and his Goddess's side. For years after he fell his heart grew bitter and cold, and he destroyed a lot of women who gave birth to Kalona's half men, half raven sons dubbed Raven Mockers. Can Aya, Zoey Redbird, teach him to love and have a heart again, or is it pointless? Read, enjoy, review. :

What happens when a vampire kitty and the most boring scientist on planet Earth meet? Will there be bloodshed, or will the world finally discover a new, truely bizare species? Read to find out. Don't forget to R&R, please and thank you.

Ignorance is such a simple thing. People shall always remain ignorant about the things they do not understand for ignorance is human nature. And to all 6 billion humans on the planet ignorance will always be bliss.

Zoey Redbird is in over her head when her friend becomes a monsterous red-fledgling created by the evil Neferet . She tries to help keep everything together, but it ends up she gets help from the most unexpected of places- from the hot-headed, rich, and spoiled brat Aprodite of all people. Can they push old feelings aside to stop Neferet or will they die trying? R&R Enjoy! :

A long time ago, Desdemona, was bitten by a vampire. She became one of the Chosen ones destined to spend a life turning unsuspecting humans into members of the undead. This is the tale of the "pack leader" in Impossible. Enjoy. Please R&R.

In this pivital moment in this most amazing dream I am a cat, and all the problems, stress, and worries from my human life melt away and become nothing. Instinct rules the feline world, and the only problems you have are to find food, find water, and to find a mate. Problems are so simple and easy to solve in the feline world, and that is why I hold this dream close. Please R&R.

No one is ever supposed to know the truth about the supernatural, and when they do it can nasty, very nasty. And two best friends are about to find out the truth of just how vile and cruel our human government can be when it comes to keeping the supernatural a secret. Please R&R. -Edited-