I love writing so here I am. I will probably talk about my dogs, my friends, my gaming habit and what I do for a living here. Not sure what else will catch my fancy yet.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Today's thoughts...

First thought happened while I was at lunch with my fellow computer geeks here at work. We have a monthly interdepartmental meeting for all the computer people in each department. This month was the annual barbecue, since school is out and things are slightly slower for IT folks here. So there I am, waiting in line to get ice cream after I ate my hot dog and hamburger. And I see one of the folks there, a young-ish girl, about my height, with a monstrous bowl of ice cream heaped with chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream! She is very thin, I would say somewhere around a size 4 or 6 (smaller than Lou is how I was comparing it.) And behind her was a larger girl, probably a size 16, with barely a scoop and some chocolate sauce on top. The first thing I thought was, "That girl HAS to be bulemic to have a bowl of ice cream like that! I bet she throws it all up later." My second thought was, "It's so unfair that she gets to eat that huge bowl while the girl behind her, clearly trying to watch what she eats, has the smaller bowl and is still overweight."

Both thoughts were serious, I wasn't being funny. Then I was kind of appalled at my own thoughts. Why should I think that way? Why should I care? Why was I so presumptive to think that the skinny girl must have an eating disorder to stay so thin, or that the larger girl was trying to lose weight? I was being kind of mean. And I didn't like it.

I can't stand the messages we get from the media every day to be so conscious of our appearance and weight and beauty and youth! They never used to get to me much when I was a teenager. But they get to me now. I think about my age. This weekend out in the sun, I was thinking that I looked older because of my makeup and that I better learn how not to make myself look older with makeup. I get happy every time someone gets surprised by my age. I used to look older when I was a teenager and now that I am older, I look younger than my age. I attribute it to good skin care, not smoking and purposely not tanning. I have been using Origins skin care products since I was 23, the year I got married, which is now 15 years ago. See what I mean?!?! This year is my 20th HS Reunion! I have gotten back in touch with people from HS or before through Facebook that I haven't spoken to in 20 years or more in some cases! This is insane! I am not this old! I feel like a kid inside. Not an immature, whiny kid; a fun-loving, playful kid. I think that's part of the reason that all this adult stuff gets me so down! I don't want to have to deal with all this serious stuff when I just want to have some fun. Of course, I do deal with it, but I have trouble balancing the two ends together, I think.

Whew! A lot going on in my head today.

Another thought is about my dumb boss. He is again doing stupid things today to make my life more complicated. Stuff which he should know better than to do. I work for him, he makes more than me, I should not have to clean up his messes. Fucking idiot.

Yet more thoughts are about what I have control of and what I do not. I can control my weight. I can control advancing my work skills and certifications. Therefore, I need to work on both of those things. I am not going to go into any elaborate plans here because I don't have any. The statement above is the plan. Simple as that.

So....what are your thoughts on any of the above, or anything else you are thinking today, internets?