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I think it was july, 96. Pride was on Clapham common that year. I was chaotic, lifestyle, mentally & physically then, so really, one year was much as the next. I got results in A & E of St Thomas’s London, while being treated, sort of, for various nasties including pneumonia. I remember laughing, and promptly discharging myself, canula still in arm and hurting like hell.

For next few years, I rebounded in and out of various casualty departments and hiv wards. I was homeless, mostly, so had no access to gp or healthcare. Or anything really. They would patch me up, give me some meds, try and sort things,,.and then I’d mess up,and back to square one.

And then one day, me, delirious with fever and fed up of the general shitness of everything, walked into The Royal Free, high as a kite, & announced that I’d like some help, please. And bless em, all of em, they stepped up & have stuck with me to this day. Have helped and watched me go from talons of the crack and smack club to sober, clean relatively sorted individual, with own house, nice garden, nicer hydrangeas, meaningful career direction, and so many good, wonderful people around me who I love n care about more than I ever remember or find words to say. And these things, no, they are not amazingly miraculous…not curing cancer or climbing everest. They matter though. They keep me here, still.

Sometimes, I wonder about nurse and dr who told me, all uncomfortable eyes and shuffling feet, & I wish they could see me, yesterday, sat on canal boat on river Wey, sun shining, chugging along at 4mph…it was a good day, maybe not health wise, but me-wise, yes. And those are the ones I count & remember & value most.

I was infected Aug. 1st, 2005. Tues. will be my one year with my new "friend".

I tested pos. Sept. 19th, 2005 via pcr VL 6,000. One month prior my doc (who truly is quite an experienced HIV doc) told me he didn't think I had HIV while I sat sick as a dog in the examination room. Why do I always have to be right

Getting to the Spet. 19th result was quite an arduous process...but that's a story for another day.

October 2005 tested +. But I think I became HIV+ in July 2002 although I had been with my HIV+ partner since May 2001 (without him knowing he was hiv+). I had all synthoms of reconversion in summer of 2002.I immediately called my friend Felix who has been poz for a long time and joined this forum a few months later.Those where hard days. Now everything looks much better thanks to all the people in Aidsmeds.

Thanks for wording the question so that us oldies just have to guess here. I was "Diagnosed" with AIDS Related Complex on September 14, 1983. I had most likely sero-converted in May or June of that year. The Infectious Disease doctor at the time told me I wouldn't see Christmas 1983 and should get my affairs in order. He has since died and gone to wherever.

I was first tested in 1994, and came out with a CD4 of 20.

I am still here, still stirring the shit, and still making sure nobody forgets about the worst pandemic of modern times.

In Love and Understanding.

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The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,and 362 to heterosexuals.This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals, It's just that they need more supervision.Lynn Lavne

I think it was july, 96. Pride was on Clapham common that year. I was chaotic, lifestyle, mentally & physically then, so really, one year was much as the next. I got results in A & E of St Thomas’s London, while being treated, sort of, for various nasties including pneumonia. I remember laughing, and promptly discharging myself, canula still in arm and hurting like hell.

For next few years, I rebounded in and out of various casualty departments and hiv wards. I was homeless, mostly, so had no access to gp or healthcare. Or anything really. They would patch me up, give me some meds, try and sort things,,.and then I’d mess up,and back to square one.

And then one day, me, delirious with fever and fed up of the general shitness of everything, walked into The Royal Free, high as a kite, & announced that I’d like some help, please. And bless em, all of em, they stepped up & have stuck with me to this day. Have helped and watched me go from talons of the crack and smack club to sober, clean relatively sorted individual, with own house, nice garden, nicer hydrangeas, meaningful career direction, and so many good, wonderful people around me who I love n care about more than I ever remember or find words to say. And these things, no, they are not amazingly miraculous…not curing cancer or climbing everest. They matter though. They keep me here, still.

Sometimes, I wonder about nurse and dr who told me, all uncomfortable eyes and shuffling feet, & I wish they could see me, yesterday, sat on canal boat on river Wey, sun shining, chugging along at 4mph…it was a good day, maybe not health wise, but me-wise, yes. And those are the ones I count & remember & value most.

December 2003. Merry Christmas! Infected by own stupidity sometime between Aug. and Oct. 2003.

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LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

January 25th, 1989, infected in the summer of '88. Had broken up with my lover at the time. Unfortunately, we got back together between the time of infection, and the time of diagnosis. I infected him. He died back in the fall of '95. I sometimes wonder about all of this shit, and am amazed that I haven't totally snapped and gone off the deep end. The only thing I can do is to remember that I'm still here for a reason.

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

Valentine's Day, 1994 at 3:30 p.m.. We have only in the last couple of years started to "celebrate" that day.

I had ARD (AIDS Related Dementia) when diagnosed. I was so "out of it" the guard had to guide me to the elevator and push the button for me so I would get to the proper floor. 2 weeks later while at an AIDS specialist office, I asked when I would "have" AIDS. He was stunned that I didn't know, or wasn't told that I DID have AIDS.

We had been married 3 1/2 years, and our son was 7 1/2 months old at the time. By Labor Day of that year, after monthly blood tests, we were called by St. Jude's specialists and told he was going to be okay, and he "escaped" acquiring the virus.

I tested HIV positive in June of 1988 in Ottawa, Ontario. I was probably pos for 5 to 8 years before that. I went into denial and just went on meds July 23 of this year. My ts finally fell below 350 and my viral load went to over 305,000. Go back for bloodwork tomorrow for the first check on the meds.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

Wednesday, October 5, 2005.... I was on a business trip to San Francisco (of all places.) I had applied for term life insurance a few weeks before and had taken an HIV test. Prior, I had tested negative in February, 1994 and had not been tested since. I was not that nervous about the 2005 HIV test because I did not think it was likely I had been exposed to the virus. I had not had unprotected anal sex since 1983. The few instances of protected anal sex I had since that time (I can remember each instance...there were only six) I was certain the condom never broke and in three of the cases the guy did not even come. There were some instances of unprotected oral sex (not a great number--although as well all know once is enough if you are unlucky.) So, I wasn't worried.

Well, I got a phone call that morning from my insurance agent who informed me my policy had been turned down for health reasons. He did not know the reasons but he was concerned because he said this would only happen for life threatening reasons. As he said these words, I suddenly knew I was HIV+.

I have racked my brain and remain certain there have been no instances of unprotected anal receptive sex. There were two instances where I served as the top (so they could be the candidate) and after 2000 my mouth became a disaster area with crowns, bridges and a partial over a four year period. My best guess is that i seroconverted in May, 2000. I was sick with fevers, diarrhea, fatigue and chills for about a ten day period. So as I think back, unprotected oral sex was probably not a good idea in my case. Oddly enough, these symptoms started within one day of receiving a series of vaccinations before I took a church trip to Peru. My own doctor felt certain I had a reaction to those shots. I thought the same, the timing was so precise. I remember calling the clinic where I got the shots to report my symptoms. I remember the nurse saying authoritatively that their shots would not have caused that reaction. I dismissed it then, but now as I read others describing the seroconversion process--it seems like a dead ringer.

I got shingles in 2003 and never thought anything of the possible connection to HIV and neither did my doctor.

I guess I would like to know how I got infected (yes, it was still negligence on my part and not someone else's fault.) But I guess I will never know when and how and who as some of you do.

At the time it was unwelcome news. I would never have gotten tested except for applying for that life insurance. I shudder to think how sick I would have gotten before it triggered the need to take an HIV test. As a result of the insurance test, I was able to start meds at a time when the worse thing that had happened to me was two cases of shingles (the second one just a few months ago.)

Furthermore, the fear of being alone and unable to discuss this with anyone has been greatly alleviated by this forum.

I am still a man of faith...so I believe someone (most likely my deceased partner) was looking out for me. It has been fascinating reading all of your posts on this rather lengthy thread. I finally decided it would be good for me to write up my own story too.

Thanks so much everyone for telling us about 'the date' of turning poz.

Some folks stated the date, simply, nothing further and we have ready many stories as well.For me each post has had a big impact. I am reminded how we all came to be here at the forums. While we as people are quite different from one in another in some respects we do share this one devastating diagnosis.

I am moved by the heart and spirit we possess and how we have been able to move forward despite our status.I have become a better person since finding out about being positive. Though that was 21 years ago and i have been remarkably blessed in my wellness I have developed a compassion and caring I might not have had otherwise. For me, hearing that I would likely die ( back in 85 there were no medications) when I was only 28 years old was a key turning point in my life. I decided to 'seize the day' and have not looked back since.

I have had my share of medical problems, not the least of which being diagnosed as having bi-polar disorder. That certainly helped explain the certain amount of chaos in my life. I still cherish every day. Each one is more precious than the last.

It has been and is a continued joy that I have found this AM Forum family. I feel quite connected though I am by geography very far away from most.

7/26/06 Wew. I think I was infected between 2002 and 2006....I tested negative in 2002. I stopped having protected anal intercourse in 2002. I had oral sex about 5 times between 2002 - 2006. I think unprotected oral sex infected me.

It was the first time I'd ever been tested for HIV though and my first labs has cd4 of only 200 so I must have been infected quite some time before that. Could have been as early as 1987 if we're looking at the first time I had anal sex. I pretty much immediately started meds so that's 13 years now of pills.

All I got for Christmas was HIV, that was 1994. For my Birthday in 1996, I was gifted an AIDS diagnosis. I must have been a real type A over-achiever to accomplish so much in such a short time... You would not know this about me but I stopped celebrating Christmas in 1984. Have the best dayMichael(who really asked Santa for Multiple Personality Disorder so he could become his own best friend)

Wednesday April 5th, 2006 at 5:24PM..Slightly overcast day and a little on the damp side...That is the only hour I can replay so vividly in my mind.

I remember walking to the clinic for the results after work thinking..Either way, life (as I know it now) will change in the next couple of minutes. Even though I knew the results could be poz...No one really ever expects to hear it.

Coincided with a bad case of Sinusitis which lasted for over a month. Was expecting to be put on Meds right away. To my surprise, even though the VL was/is mid-range, CD4s were / are in the 900s....

Readers digest version:- Ex calls and tells me to get tested for HIV (u can imagine that conversation)- My current lover is next to me and hears the whole conversation (we'd been having raw sex for almost a year)- We'd both tested NEG before we had unprotected sex- I got tested, yep, poz - IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE Doctor probably saved my life when he told me that "If you just take your meds, watch your health and live a normal life you will most likely die of a car accident than hiv" - he was 100% on the money- Started on meds right away (Combivir and Viracept) and withing 6 months my VL was undetectable and has been ever since. - I have MAYBE missed a total of 12 doses in the last 10 years (I think thats been the key for me)- I do NOT use recreational drugs of ANY KIND! (Another key for my success i belive)- I DO NOT abuse alcohol (haven't gotten blind-drunk in 10 years)- I don't use my hiv status as a "green light" to have bareback sex with other poz guys - I don't live my life as a HIV Person.- I am a person who happens to have HIV- I only see my Dr. 2 times a year for bloodwork! (I know some may say this is stupid, but after doing it for the last four years (going only 2 times a year) my counts have steadily improved.

Ok, My TCells are just over 1000 and my VL is undetectable with ultrascan (less than 34 copies i think is the number)- My body fat is 11%- My cholesterol is 108- BP 120/80- Liver functions 100% normal- all other key indicators are normal or better than normal.- No Opportunistic Infections- Just a bit of wasting on my legs from the Viracept (but i'm taking care of that with excercise)- Libido (OFF THE CHARTS)

So.....after 10 years things continue to go very well for me - but most of this is due (i belive) to my overall mental health, outlook on life, focus on taking things one day at a time, NOT giving into stress or problems no matter how bad they seem, surrounding myself with a great circle of friends and lovinig family, a HOT and wonderful husband, and a fully supportive employer (i'm not the #3 exec. in my company and i am 100% out)

It's been a while since i posted here. I stopped because i got tired of being "bashed" for my posts and that i needed to keep my "happpiness" to myself as it made others feel bad or that i was not fair to those who were having more of a struggle with their hiv. But, I've decided to come back from time to time just to see how things are goinig on AIDSMEDS forums.

The last time i posted on here i was told that i was "fortunate" and that i should keep in mind that one day the "other shoe will fall and i too may be facing life-ending issues." Ya know what, we ALL face those issues every day as humans. From walking across the street to dealing with HIV. For me, I choose not to give into the "what if's" in life and focus on the WHAT IS in my life at this time. I love the Serenity Prayer:

I was infected, the specialists think, in November of 2003 and began seroconverting in December of 2003. After the third seroconversion episode at the end of March, 2004, I was diagnosed with hiv in early April, 2004. I started meds in August of 2004 and became a permanent bathroom fixture shortly there after. Changed hiv doctors in August of 2006.

Remember when only birthday, anniversary and graduation dates were important?

BB

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Damn the Torpedoes! Full speed ahead! Adm. D. Farragut.

Started Atripla 8/18/06 and if I eat the right food when I take my meds, I get to go on a-trip-la.

Jeffrey, going to be a bit of a nerdy pedant: AIDS was named as such by mid-1982 (replacing GRID), ARC just a bit later. The French discovered the virus in 1983, naming it LAV, the Americans dicovered it in 1984, naming it HTLV III. In 1984 also, researchers in San Francisco (not affiliated with Gallo) isolated the virus, calling it ARV. In 1985, LAV, HTLV III, and ARV were compared and found to be very similar. In 1986, an international body renamed the viruses HIV.

Jay

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Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

I was tested positive 21st of March 2006. Had a test because I wanted to start having unprotected sex with my then boyfriend (he was tested negative).

I was definately infected in November 2003, because that was the only time I had unprotected sex when I ran out of condoms. I remember this guy was one of the fittest guys I have ever slept with...and even though it was one night stand I have rememberd him quite often, because the sex was amazing....now I definately won't forget his face.

I am not on meds yet and my second test results were CD4 count: 732 VL: 3000....hope I won't need meds for a long time and will stay healthy....because I am very career driven and would hate this virus to prevent me from achieving my lifetime goals!

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

March of 2006, during seroconversion, my viral load was over 8 million!! I don't remember very clearly, as I was pretty sick with a really bad "flu", but my doctor smartly thought we should do an HIV test. I think he called me and told me the results were positive the next day and wanted me to do a blood test to confirm it. I had very high fevers, so I don't remember a lot of the details...

I dove right into seeking treatment, contacting a case manager, theurapist, dietrician, and, of course, doctor.

I will be starting meds soon just as soon as I get the state paperwork finished. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," I say.

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"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember