Bits and Pieces of this life of mine

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Blah….

What a weekend! First, on Friday, I stayed up until 3am-ish… stupid me, because I had to be at work, Weis, at 7am. Amazingly, I clocked in at 6:50am (such an ungodly hour to be in a grocery store… working nonetheless), so, I survived that day (with a surprise, but I\’ll get to that later) and head home, set my phone to go off in an hour so I could take a nap and not oversleep for the Holiday Party…. So, I think I got 10 minutes of sleep before the phone rings… the first call is Liz, but I missed it … then, it rings again and it\’s Kara… Kara and I chat for about 35 minutes… then it\’s my brother, he and I chat for about 10, then it\’s Michele and she calls to make sure I don\’t forget to get up there and stuff… so, there goes my nap…. i get up, get in the shower… get dressed and head up to Micheles place where she does my hair and I finish getting dressed and we head down to Annapolis for the party….

That\’s where my brother told me the bad news: They are sending my aunt home because the cancer is too severe and there is nothing they can do for her. They give her 2-3 weeks to live.

So, with that information, it\’s been kind of depressing this weekend. I talked to my mom yesterday when I got off of work at Weis. We were talking about my aunt and how I knew and Sean knows. My mom has had time to … absorb all of this, she\’s known for a little over a week. She doesn\’t think my aunt knows, nor my cousins April and Danny. My brother and I are hoping that our aunt will make it to the new year because Danny\’s birthday is 12/29. It would be horrible is she passed on his birthday… well, it\’s horrible that she is going pass away regaurdless… but… still…

Oh, I finally got to see Copyguy yesterday. It was a nice visit. I enjoy the fact that he tapes Family Guy and shares the episodes with me. Oh how I miss Family Guy. But, I\’ve almost 3 months without cable or watching tv (I\’m trying to figure out how… ) and.. honestly… I don\’t miss it all that much. Now, I do miss having internet access at home, but I should have that soon, so… who knows. Also, Copyguy and I did somethign new… debating if I should say or not… guess I should get Copyguys permission before I mention what we did… but, nonetheless, it was fun!

I\’ve got a lot on my mind. I could really use a good friend right about now… someone that will just listen and help me… Daniel seems to be the friend I need, but … it doesn\’t feel right. In a way, I also want someone that can hold me and comfort me. At the holiday party, Sean, my brother, broke down and I stayed strong for him… I held him as he cried in my arms…

Ugh, this is depressing me. It\’s like I want to be left alone, yet I want someone to be with me. It hurts to just imagine being sent home because you\’re dying and there is nothing we can do to stop it…. so, its like you sit there just waiting… hopefully she won\’t think that (My mom told me that she isn\’t sure if she or her children know that the docs are going to send her home because there isn\’t anything more they can do…).. but that\’s how I see it… sorta… but, what really made me upset was thinking that she and I wouldn\’t exchange emails anymore… she won\’t be at work… because, not too long after she was admitted to the hospital, her company must have cleaned out her email because the emails that I sent her were deleted without being read… so, that kind of made it serious to me… ya know… it made the whole situation real… like, I can\’t believe this is actually happening… she is going to die and soon… bam, right in the kisser.