Sunday, April 12, 2015

Dear Microsoft Word,

You amuse me. Truly, you would think I know how to spell my
own name. This applies to character names as well. It’s not really that
difficult, and I would like to tell you now that you are wrong. Please do not
misunderstand me when I say you are not the final authoritative voice in my
writing career.

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What’s more, you irritate me, Word. For the last
time, would zou stop changing the language settings to German when I clearlz
tzpe English_ Sure, my last name is German, but that is no reason to switch the
settings everz time I tzpe Klein.

While I do not apologize for my frustrations, I would like
to thank you for correcting my spelling mistakes. Of course, I turned off Auto
Correct because I meant Ecuador not equator.

I greatly appreciate Track Changes. It is great tool for
writers, like myself, who does not want to keep all eight printed drafts of a
story. Of course, I will still continue to print out my stories because I can
catch more mistakes, and paper is easier on my eyes. Yes, Word make my eyes
water after several hours. Thanks (but no thanks) for the reading glasses, by
the way!

In essence, the dependence upon technology in our age has
gone too far, for how can I, or anybody, learn how to spell properly, or how to
use a comma properly, if you believe that all long sentences are incorrect,
even though they just happen to be compound and complete? What’s more, how can
I learn to trust my own judgment and learn from my mistakes if I always rely
upon you?

Sincerely,

Azelyn (not Ashley)

P.S. Despite our long relationship, I am considering
purchasing a typewriter. Not that I think I will make any fewer mistakes (I may
need to learn how to type properly), but at least I could learn.
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Disclaimer: This is not a formal complaint against Microsoft or any associated

products. It is just meant to be a humorous approach to why people should not