The Pau Gasol/Dirk Nowitzki face translator

At times, it can be hard to read these stoic, stone-faced Europeans who have infiltrated the NBA landscape over the last decade or so. Are they mad? Are they happy? Content? Lonely? Pissed off they weren't allowed to smoke on the court?

The two prime examples are obviously Pau Gasol and Dirk Nowitzki. Through subtle cues and slight tweaks in facial tissue, one can decode just what these emotional chameleons are really feeling: