I want to be the mom that can keep the Pinterest worthy house, cook a lean and mean dinner (every night obviously), look like Miranda Kerr 7 weeks after delivery, and already be devising a plan to teach my infant French before his first birthday.

What!? Sue me.

But I will also be the first to admit that I'm not. I'm not her.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, I AM NOT SUPER MOM.

And you know what, that is O-freaking-K!

In my 7 weeks of motherhood I have:

Been peed on...numerous times.

Caught poop WITH MY HANDS.. that was an adventure.

Laughed so hard I peed my pants....uh, yep.

Been puked on

Been told I was too young to have children, followed up by a grilling of my marital status

Screamed in frustration, "I feel like I live in a giant BUTT HOLE!"

Apologized more times than I can count

Been humbled beyond belief

and

Gained a greater understanding of God and His love than ever before.

The last of that list can sometimes be eye roll worthy. That is what we are suppose to say as Christians right? But just a few weeks ago, I was given insight into one of the biggest lessons I have learned thus far in my relationship with God.

He. Is. There.

This lesson was brought to me courtesy of my husband and my son.

My husband is a HANDS ON dad. And I love him for that. When I was fresh out of the hospital, I sort of felt like I was recovering in a spa. The Man had it handled.

All the way down to bath time.

For whatever reason, bath time made me nervous...real nervous. Maybe it was the fact that the first bath I ever gave River, he screamed the entire time because I accidentally made it ice cold (see, NOT Super Mom), or maybe it was because he was so tiny I was terrified of him slipping right out of my hands? Whatever the reason, I gladly gave bath time duty to The Man while I watched from the sidelines.

One night, I was finishing straightening up the house while The Man began to run the water for River's bath. It was the same routine I'd seen before. When I was finished cleaning, I strolled into the bathroom in hopes of spending a little time with my boys. Expecting that River would be laying on his turtle mat while The Man leaned over the side of the tub, I was surprised when I found them both in the bathtub together. It was River's first REAL bath...no turtle mat, just dad.

I could tell he was nervous, but Robert had him completely secure in his arms. As Robert gradually allowed River's little body to be immersed more and more into the warm water, I saw the alarm and panic sweep into River's eyes. Gently Robert would say,

Despite Robert's efforts, River still squirmed and splashed, trying to grasp for anything he could. He didn't yet trust Robert. He had no concept that he was completely safe in his father's arms; that Robert was right there and wasn't going to allow anything to harm him.

That's when I realized that I was looking into a zoomed in version of myself and God. Like River in those first initial weeks, I fail to trust my Father. When He leads me into deeper and deeper water, my first instinct is to panic and flail about; grasping for anything I can in order to feel safe. All the while, my Father is holding me securing in His capable arms whispering.. "My Child, it's ok. You're ok. Daddy is right here. I won't let anything happen to you."

As I watched Robert, I saw that all of his attention, his FULL attention, was on keeping his son safe, while at the same time teaching his son that even when the water gets deeper, he is RIGHT there.

[...and when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid, because I know that you Love me. Your love never fails...]

I think for the first time I understood God's love as a capitol "F" Father. And to my shame, I think I understood Him for the first time as MY Father; my Father who LOVES me. When the waters of my life get deeper, when I am being matured and things are getting scarier, He is RIGHT there. He is always right there.

We still have River's turtle mat, but we never use it. Now River LOVES real baths. He fully and completely trusts Robert, down to the point that he falls asleep in his arms absolutely every single time.

I want that.I want that kind of trust with my Heavenly Father.So...I guess it's time I give up my own little turtle mat...

This is perhaps the post I have simultaneously looked forward to writing about the most and the least of all my posts on this blog.

The most because, HELLO!!

and the least because I have no idea how to possibly put into tangible words just how ecstatically happy The Man and I are; how hopelessly in love The Man and I are, and how speechless we are that we brought this incredible little human being into this world.

World,

Allow me to introduce you to my SON;

River Daniel

Born 07.31.2013

6lbs,7oz

All boy.

I have yet to decide if I will share my birth story on the blog, but I will say it was one of the most incredible, intense, scary, and empowering things I have ever had the privilege to be allowed to do.

So.

Would I do it again?

absolutely.

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, a Holy habitation for the Most High."Psalm 46:4