SIA 2013: Day 2

Day 2 marked the end of myself and the triple J threat’s SIA appearance, but don’t think this is the last you’ll hear about SIA from us. Rumorator will be manning the floor for one more day, and there’s still a party story in the works from Stan (we think even Lipton will be proud.)Â While you get super hyped for those, read some more bullet points about my version of SIA. If you’re gonna be a pussy and get offended, or you just want to look at photos of sweet new gear, click through Jared’s gallery above.

-The day started with a big disappointment. Stan rolled up to his tattoo appointment at the Arnette booth only to say he hadn’t settled on what to get and was opting out. After some attempted strong arming from myself, Stan wasn’t budging, so tat-master Brent ended up giving his slot to our friend Cody. He got a sailboat on his thigh, but refused to name it the S.S. Yobeat. We still like him anyway.

-Some scoundrel from Bern spent his first two days putting Bern stickers on the Anon booth across the hall (before flying to Germany.) Don’t worry, a hungover, yet still awesome Randy Torcom took care of those fucks.

-An unnamed C3 photographer let me know nothing makes Sean Tedore more uncomfortable than homo-eroticism. Soon after I tried to get Lance Hakker to caress Tedore’s thigh, but despite what I’d heard, he seemed to like it.

-Hondo was wearing an N.W.O. shirt.

-L1 was giving out hachets. Giving sharp objects to people who are also drinking beer might be a bad idea, but whatever. Haven’t heard of any lost limbs yet!

-The highlight of my day personally was walking up to the Rome booth, and saying, “Hey fuckers, I’ve got a meeting at Burton, give me a beer.” Enzo was manning the megaphone and gave me a hearty,”fuck off.” Then they handed me a beer and I made my way to Burton. Due to Steve Jobs’ disinterest in making my life easier, it turned out we were all an hour late anyway. Whoops.

-About Burton. If you’ve still got a stick up your ass about the brand, you should go do shot ski’s with Evan Rose and Upstate Mike.

-I interrupted Mark Carter trying to teach Jesse Burtner how to use a toothpick. It wasn’t go as well as one might have thought. Later, we treated Jesse and the the lovely ladies of the Mervin Marketing crew to the real Yobeat experience, which involved my talking fast while the triple J threat just shook their heads disapprovingly.

-Tech Nine gave out 40s at “trade show happy hour.” I only know about it because some girl an exceptionally long hoodie handed me a flyer and said, “Yo, you like 40s?” (For the record the answer is yes, yes I do and that’s brilliant marketing.)

-I apologize to Dingo for ruining whatever Grenade-promo video he was filming when I walked by and punched him. That was the 4th beer thinking for me.

-Arcade belts are amazing. A little bit of elastic and it’s like you’re wearing sweatpants all the time!

–Apparently in the 90s I said some really mean stuff about Max Jenke and his friends. After a trip to the Endeavor/Airhole booth, where he hooked me up with the sweetest Airhole facemask that looks like a feline of some sort, pretty sure we’re past that, and let me tell ya, growing up isn’t so bad after all. Thanks Max!

-The #shutupbrooke hashtag was far more successful than #tradeshowhell.

-Jared and I accidentally crashed the Rockies Volcom/Electric/ThirtyTwo retailer dinner. All this time, I thought being the media was the best gig in snowboarding, but after two incredible dinners in a row, I’m pretty sure being a successful shop owner/buyer is the move. Keyword: successful.

Â My final report: Like most things in life, if you don’t take SIA seriously, it’s a blast. Until next year Denver…

Thanks for all of the Burton and K2 photos yobeat!! Get them to advertise on your site more-oh wait Anon banner-oops…. Like the skull candy banner ad too-what’s next? US Navy Ads? Ford? Pretty core indeed!! Any Yobeaters going to step in the ring next year and back up the shit talking? No? That’s what we thought…..Making fun of snowboarding (but hiding in fear) since 1997. Potato chips, teen beer bellies and bitter rants since 1997?? All Bark No Bite Since 1997-C’mon people help me out here….. Some heads are gonna roll…..

Oh man, look at all those Anon goggles. I got some Anon goggles this year to replace some like Scott ones or whatever from 1992 because the last of the foam on them had finally rotted away.

The dude at the store was going on and on about how they’re specially coated so I can see shadows better or whatever. I wore them a few times and they were pretty good (I saw so many shadows, it was like a haunted forest), but then I remembered that I am from Massachusetts so I went snowboarding while it was raining ice. A whole bunch of ice stuck to the front of them, and when it melted in the lodge it took most of the special shadow coating with it.

Now it looks like there are splotches of piss everywhere when I look through my Anon goggles. If anyone from Anon reads this, I want you to know that I am pretty good at drawing stuff in MS paint and if you want I could draw up a little logo and you could market this as a feature called “piss vision.” If I’ve learned anything about snowboarding in 2013 it’s that snowboarders want a million snappy logos and catchy names for every stupid thing on whatever you are selling. If you want I could also come up with a name for how stretchy the headbands on your goggles are. We could call it your new “psychadelic band” headband tech. The advertising copy practically writes itself, you just mention Jimi Hendrix and a bunch of pretend technology.

So I guess that piece of mindblowing insight also segues into the other thing I wanted to offer: my services as a market analyst and uuhhhh advertising expert. Those first couple of ideas are on the house.