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Sunday, June 13, 2010

Do you ever feel like you have a story to tell? That you absolutely have to tell it otherwise you will explode? Well in reading my last few posts I realized thats what I've done. Ive started a story and now I feel like I need to finish it- although it doesn't really have an ending because the end hasn't come yet. Let me try to give you the rest of the story line:Last sunday I went and talked to my Bishop..(at last) and told him my concern over finances for the mission. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that if I save $4000 by september then the ward will cover half of my expenses for 18 months! I was absolutely relieved to hear this and further amazed at the blessing when I was told that the money from the sale of my car was to 1. pay off the loan and 2. any extra be saved for after the mission so I dont come home to not one penny. As I was leaving the meeting the sense of a burden was lifted off my shoulders. I felt elated and so happy to have the realization that things really will work out for me to serve and leave soon after I turn 21. But something the Bishop said to me on my way out has stuck with me very closely. He said, "Satan does not want you to go on a mission, he will try and throw a relationship at you." Wow he couldn't have been more dead on. The reason I mention this is because I have begun to feel very unnerved about what is happening with Brad and I. He is interested in me, its plainly obvious, but I don't feel like I am romantically there. Sure I enjoy the attention and the one on one time we have but I feel like I'm cheating him of something. On thinking about this I decided that it would be best not to try and pursue a quote "relationship" rather I would feel more comfortable with a growing friendship. I'm trying to focus on going on a mission how can I do that when I have a constant reminder someone is there pursuing me? I feel right about my decision and have been assured that Brad will understand and support me once he is told of my decision. I respect him and have no desire to hurt him and frankly I'm scarred about talking to him. I pray that Heavenly Father will guide me and help in this decision. I just hope that Brad wont hurt too badly.Anyway that's the end of the story that hasn't ended yet. Does it make any sense? Cuz my head is still spinning.