Pages

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Random Terrifying Facts!

Somewhere in the world right now, there's a person listening to "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" and thinking it was written for them.

Fact:

If a person witnesses something horrifying, their hair can turn white instantly. People's hair also turns white slowly as you get older. Aging is the process of slowly being horrified.

Fact:

When you tell a parent their baby is cute, and they say "thank you," they're taking it as a personal compliment which is tantamount to saying, "thank you for appreciating the sex I had with my partner. We made this." Which is weird. That's why if I see a baby I just point at the child and say a very nondescript "baby".

Fact:

The furthest point you could walk away from yourself, is right behind you. So you can never truly "get away".

Fact:

Right about now, you're scratching your head at the 95% illogicality of the last fact, but willing to ride with it for the 5% you can't rule out. Welcome to my world, population, 1.*

*Based on a recent census taken of the known regions of TS-3-140, a fantastical planet existing with the confines of my brain.

I always thought it's stupid and arrogant of people to say "Thank you" when people compliment their baby. Now, I'll point and smirk, "baby!" I like it. Thanks. And I find that last fact more scary than confusing. It actually makes sense.