The Stairmaster

I’m very happy to share my exercise regimen for the very first time! A few people have asked, so I have decided to make it available here for FREE! The only equipment needed for this guaranteed butt-blasting exercise is a set of stairs (available with many monthly mortgage plans) and a two-year old trapped in a crib.

Step One: Say prayers, read lots of books, sing many songs and make sure two-year old is comfy and cozy and dry in his bed. Say goodnight.

Step Two: Walk DOWN the stairs and wait a few minutes. This step requires no more than two minutes worth of patience TOPS.

Step Three: Two-year old will ask for milk. Obligingly, fill a bottle, cup or whatever with milk and go UP the stairs. For added butt-blasting benefits, walk DOWN the stairs while two-year old drinks the milk. If adding this extra up/down part, proceed to step four. If not, you’re a wimp. Skip to step five.

Step Four: Two-year old will announce he is done with his milk. Go UP the stairs and retrieve the bottle, cup or whatever.

Step Five: Go DOWN the stairs. Two-year old will cry that his toe hurts and now wants a band-aid, even though he did not want one BEFORE bedtime. They reserve the right to change their minds, too.

Step Six: Find band-aids. Go UP the stairs. Apply band-aid with a kiss and smile. Two-year old will pout and stare at band-aid and say he doesn’t want it. Try to remain calm as you take back off the band-aid and leave the room.

Step Seven: Go DOWN the stairs.

Step Eight: Two-year old will cry that you did not put back on his blanket when you left him last. Go UP the stairs. Put the blanket on the two-year old. Try to remain sweet and calm and say goodnight again.

Step Nine: Go DOWN the stairs.

Step Ten: Stretch.

* You can intensify this workout by running up and down the stairs through these steps.