Thursday, 21 March 2013

H+S Stuff

So after a break from blogging for a while, I've decided to weigh in on some general shit you all ought to know about the gym and health+fitness in general. This is not going to be a typical "wipe down your machine after use" type blog (though seriously, wipe down your shit.) I'm going to avoid the type of thing that will be posted on the gym wall and focus on some unwritten rules and miscellaneous information that you should be aware of. Without further ado, here we go.

Working in

Everyone ought to know that you should let people work in between your sets, however when approaching a machine or piece of equipment, consider the following before asking to work in.

Are there already 3 or more people on the equipment, if so, do not ask to work in, even if they let you, it means you are slowing everyone elses workout down at this point

Do you need to remove more then one set of plates from each side of the bar? If so do not ask to work in, not only will you embarrass yourself, but you are needlessly slowing down everyone else's workout

Are you going to add more then a set of plates to each side? If so do not work in, not only will you embarrass whomever is already lifting, but you're slowing down their workout, and nobody is impressed.

If you are working in, work in as soon as the previous person is finished, having a long conversation while holding up everyone else makes you an asshole, no matter how well little Jimmy did on his math test. (Not even the guy you're talking to cares)

Time and place

Some things are appropriate in a gym, and some are not, some of these I really shouldn't have to post here, but here we go anyhow.

Staring at the hot trainers and gym rats is not nice, even the ones who look like they're dressed to be stared at probably just do it to stay cool.

That being said, gym rats, don't encourage this, if it's not that type of gym (and you'll know the moment you step in), then do not wear nothing but hotpants and a sportsbra (ladies) or the least possible amount of thread which counts as a shirt (gentlemen). This only encourages the gawkers, and none of the ones gawking are the ones you want to gawk at you, trust me on this.

Fucking in the hot tub, not sanitary or appropriate, same goes for fapping. Doing either in the sauna is both unsanitary and life threatening. Either will get you barred from the gym.

Crossfitters, unless you are in a crossfit gym, keep your douchebaggery to yourselves. Dropping weights is something you do to save your life, not to show off, if you can safely set it down, set it down. Unnecessary grunting, screaming and shirt removal doesn't impress anyone in a real gym, though it gives most of us a good laugh.

The above mentioned line applies to all douchebags, not just those who wear it like a brand.

Do not mock your fellow members technique, unless they're obviously a crossfitter, even then it's fair more productive to offer a helping hand or tip, you might even make a difference for someone.

The gym is not a singles bar. In the words of the most interesting man in the world; "There is a time and place for pickup lines, the time is never, I'll let you figure out the place on your own."

Personal Training

Some helpful tips about trainers and how we work from a longtime member of the profession.

Most trainers will be happy to assist you with technique or a spot, provided we are not currently with a client. Our clients pay between $50 and $100 (sometimes more) per hour to train with us, and any trainer worth their salt gives the client their undivided attention for that hour.

Yes, I will gladly offer you a free hour to do an assessment. Yes, this means you get to sit through a 5 minute sales pitch at the end. I bill myself out at $75 per hour, and I guarantee I'm worth every penny. If you don't think $68 dollars of free training and education is worth 5 minutes of your time, then don't sign up for it, and don't complain.

Yes I will try and sell you a long term training plan after the assessment, yes it's the best way to reach your goals, no I'm not just selling it to you to drum up business (Some trainers do this, I'm not one of them). Bad clients are bad for business, and I won't take you on if you're not going to benefit.

No I won't take you on as a client if you won't get results or I think you're a bad fit. I have integrity that way (some trainers don't). If I cant help you or don't think we'll work, I'll happily refer you to someone who can.

Yes I understand the only time you can train is 530 PM, no, the 5 person waiting list for that spot is not going away.

I understand $75 per hour is expensive, that's the rate I have to bill at to cover expenses, gym fees, insurance, equipment and have enough left over to feed and clothe myself without taking on 15 clients a day. The internet is free, and fitness magazines are cheap, just remember you get what you pay for.

Nutrition

Ahh food, OMNOMNOMNOM

Yes It's important, Yes I can help you with it, Yes most of what you read in newspapers is wrong.

Protein is indeed important , however odds are that the MEGASUPERWHEYMUSCLEDRINK V3.45 you bought from GNC is only going to make you fatter.

Unless you are a pro (meaning someone is paying you, and this person is not your mom) bodybuilder, model, athlete or similar, odds are you do not need any supplements other then basic vitamins, yes there are a ton of great things that come in bottles out there, but for most, it's about cutting thins out of your diet, not adding them in.

Unless of course it's green vegetables, just about everyone needs more of those.

Second most unhealthy thing you can do in terms of diet? Vegetarianism. Least Healthy? Veganism. Do your research people, neither of these ideologies is either moral or healthy.

Cutting out the following: breads, rice and pasta, is a good dietary choice for almost everyone.

The food pyramid is full of shit, it was made by the food industry lobbyists, not health or medical professionals.

That's about it for now, There's lots more, perhaps I'll do another of these posts in the future. Anyone interested in more health and fitness info or has any comments, shoot me a message or comment.