“Michael Bay” and “found footage” are two things I don’t want in a movie, ever. To quote Bay’s muse Shia LaBeouf, “No no no, no no no no.” And yet, Michael Bay and his Platinum Dunes are making “a top-secret found-footage project” with Paramount. Almanac will be directed by first-timer Dean Isrealite, who is the cousin of Jonathan Liebesman, the guy Michael Bay chose to direct the horrible-soundingTeenage Mutant alien Ninja Turtles remake.

Not a lot is known about the film, but sources tell us it’s very much in the vein of Chronicle except with time travel instead of superheroes. […] Found footage movies are no-brainers in Hollywood. They’re cheap, profitable, potential franchise starters with very little risk. Worst cast scenario, the film takes a hit at the box office and eventually turns a small profit on Blu-ray. Best case, it’s an international smash and you can make more, cheap sequels. (Chronicle, Paranormal Activity, The Devil Inside, The Last Exorcism, the list goes on and on). [/film]

This is why we can’t have nice things. If you’re going to sell me a found footage, time travel movie called Almanac, it better involve Marty McFly and sports betting. And it’s only found footage because they’re using the shaky-cam as an image stabilizer for Michael J. Fox.