Celia Rivenbark: A story that could be made only in America

Monday

Jul 24, 2017 at 2:02 PMJul 24, 2017 at 2:04 PM

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Oh, heavenly days. I had just barely removed the cold compress from my head after all the celebrating from last week’s “National Civility Day” when along comes the news that we must celebrate “Made in America Week.”

Many have pointed out the embolism-inducing hypocrisy of Donald and Ivanka Trump declaring Made in America Day, Week, Year, Epoch when both use overseas factories to produce their, uh, fashions. Please let me join the chorus because I’m madder than Ann Coulter sitting on a Delta flight between Nancy Pelosi and Snoop Dogg.

Made in America? Ivanka and Daddy O would never move their factories to the U.S. because we Americans are fairly insistent about not being paid in Skittles and Old Milwaukee, depending on the age of the worker.

One gets the distinct impression that Donald Trump is messing with us. Because, come ON! How do you say you’re proclaiming “Made in America Day” when your own brand isn’t produced here?

If we dare point out the irony, the chutzpa, the sheer gonads of such a proclamation by billionaires who have made their fortunes on the backs of embryonic workers with worms in their feet, Republicans will just call us snowflakes.

They will just shrug and say “So what? He has the right to have his stuff made where he can get the best deal.”

Yes, quite.

But that’s the point. He’s not a businessman anymore because Vlad made him president. Ivanka’s marked-down plastic heels that clutter T.J. Maxx end caps all day long is no better. Not a single shoe, belt, scarf, dress is Made in America. Ivanka, speaking in her trademark “calm the mental patient” low talking manner (wonder how she got so good at that?) is just as nutty.

I’ve pretty much decided, as far as Trump and his supporters go, the name of the game is to keep upping the ante on just how crazy they can make the rest of us. It’s working.

When I was a kid, we’d occasionally go to Florida for vacation and somewhere around Georgia, we’d see road signs imploring us to stop at a fireworks-slash-pecan pie stand where we could “See Crazy Jim Have a Fit!!!”

I think, in its own way, the Trump administration has us pegged as Crazy Jim and they say and do whatever they can to induce us to have a fit. There is simply no other plausible explanation.

How else can you explain Trump spokesmodel Sean Spicer informing the press with a straight face you can’t expect the Trumps to produce their products in America because “there are certain things we do not have capacity to do here in terms of a plant or a factory.”

Why the eff not?

Build it Donny boy and they will come. Show them you mean what you say. That you’re going to invest your own skin in the game.

Of course, this will never happen. You’d sooner catch Melania wearing an American designer instead of D&G. Just saying.