Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mistake

On Friday, September 11, Dr Raymond D Cook drove drunk on a road, not far from my house, 40mph over the speed limit. He crashed his Mercedes into a 20 year old ballerina's Hyundai, killing her. (Article)

I'm not certain how to process this.

But I am sad. I am sad for the victim, and I'm sad for Dr Cook. Her life is gone. His isn't far from it, at least not the life he knew.

And I'm scared. Because Dr Cook seemed like a genuinely good guy, and he was very reassuring, and I trusted him. And now I don't know if that trust was misplaced. I have no reason to believe that he's been anything but a great doctor in all of our dealings with him. But really, how would I know? Did we luck out that my baby is fine? Did this man, who I liked, who put others at risk by getting behind the wheel after drinking do the same with the knife? I just don't know. And my baby is fine. So I'm not worried that he screwed something up with her, because I don't think he did. But it's my job to protect her, and once again, I should have done better.

And I'm confused. Because I have other friends who drink and drive when they shouldn't. Who can't seem to control the drink. Who are one bad night away from throwing their lives away. They are good people. Good people with a problem. Not unlike Dr Cook.

And I don't know why, maybe it's just because I met him and liked him, but anger isn't what I'm feeling. I see a man who made a tragic mistake, and he and his family are paying dearly for it.

5 comments:

Oh my Amber! Seems like you are due for a break (thank goodness date night went well). This is such a tragedy. You cannot beat yourself up about it. There was no way for you to forsee this when you brought your sweet girl to him. What a senseless tragedy.Karla

Just want to say that I disagree with you not protecting Annabella. Annabella's surgery went just fine. We have no idea reason to believe this man has ever operated drunk. I don't think there's a reason to assign any blame, let alone to yourself.

Wow Amber. So sorry to hear about all this! Sorry for the girl he killed and her family, and sorry that you're now questioning yourself. Don't. Thankfully Annabella is healthy and happy and that he DIDN'T make that mistake while operating. So sad....

Amber you are a fabulous mom, and Annabella's sweet smile, sunny disposition and love of life are proof of that. The guilt and agony you feel over every decision is a sign of how much you love and care for her. Trust your instincts and the results, you trusted the doctor, Annabella came through just fine and is doing great. Just in the last few days I noticed her babbling more and more, the tubes were the best decision you could have made for her, and the doctor you trust did what he was supposed to do. He may not be the man you thought he was all the time, but as a surgeon he accomplished what you trusted him to do. She is happy, healthy and thriving We will all doubt the decisions we make, but make no mistake you were born to be her mom and you are doing a stellar job. Try not to be so hard on yourself and enjoy the wonderful moments and the sweet and awesome child that Annabella is, you have the rest of your life (and her teen years) to beat yourself up about what you "might" have done wrong.