Local student returns from mock presidential run to complete senior year

MIAMI — Saying that spending time on the campaign trail was “super fun” and that he learned a lot about “politics and stuff,” South Florida student Marco Rubio has returned to high school to complete his senior year.

Rubio had been given an opportunity afforded to few youngsters: the chance to participate in a mock run for the U.S. presidency, complete with granting interviews to journalists, participating in televised debates, and giving impassioned speeches to hundreds of out-of-work actors dressed up as supporters.

Just a handful of students are chosen each year to participate in the Road to the White House program that aims to get more young people excited about the electoral process.

AP U.S. Government and Politics teacher Renata Goldwyn, whose glowing letter of recommendation for Rubio caught the eye of the program’s selection committee, says that although everyone in the school was thrilled to watch the National Honor Society student hold his own against veteran politicians, they are happy to have him back.

“Class just wasn’t the same without him,” Goldwyn said. “He’s that kid with the tough questions and golden smile. He’s going to go places, I’m sure.”

Upon Rubio’s return the lawns of South Miami High School, a young man in Beats headphones and wearing a black backpack leapt on Rubio, causing both to tumble into the grass.

“Bro, I haven’t seen you in forever,” said the boy, Lorenzo Ortega, a fellow senior and one of Rubio’s best friends. “We were all cheering you on, saying ‘thump the Trump, thump the Trump.’”

“That’s was crazy,” he added. “You honestly started a ‘whose dick is bigger war’ with the guy who might be the next president.”

School principal Adrianne Cucombre says that an assembly will take place during fourth period next week in which Rubio will talk about his experience, answer questions from other students, and literally be chased by Republican donors and GOP leaders demanding their fucking money back.