Hiding Out

There is snow in the forecast. The weather people decided to put us under a “Winter Weather Advisory” with snow supposedly starting just at the evening rush hour. While it wasn’t supposed to be a lot of snow or they would have called it something different, it was supposed to be enough to make driving so much fun.

I had a lesson scheduled tonight but I’m not feeling the greatest. Some of it is physical – my back and shoulders are super tight which is some combination of the workouts and work stress. Plus, I just had kind of reached a limit on people and the thought of having to drive through snow and fight the other idiots on the road was not a pleasant one.

In the end, if only one of the two things was true, I would have gone. But I had to make the call to stay home. Of course, the snow has not materialized yet so the drive would have been fine. Still don’t think I was in the best shape mentally for a lesson though so I think it was the right call.

This week has been colder than normal. I’ve tried to maintain the positive attitude looking towards tomorrow and Saturday when the forecast promises a hint of spring. But there’s been something about the last couple of days where my office is cold and I feel chilled all day and then I can’t shake it. I just want to go sit under a hot shower for an hour or so even though that’s not the best for your skin. Something about always feeling cold that just wears on me after a bit.

Work is a special kind of place right now. I did finish up all my performance appraisals this week and talked goals with my team. But it is so hard to keep acting like it is business as usual when I know things are coming. I don’t know what things are coming but I know something is going to happen. I’m discussing goals with people and they may not be around next year so it won’t matter if they meet them. Or I might not be around and the next person may change everything. There’s a lot of gallows humor going around but that only helps a bit.

I don’t get all doomy and gloomy at work. You have to deal with what it is and find ways to try and make things a little brighter. We had a Christmas gift exchange and I ended up with a desk calendar that tells you all the various things that have been commemorated on each day. So I started doing a “What Day is it Wednesday” where I just pull a few good ones from the list and make some hopefully humorous comments and find some pictures and other things for people. I had someone tell me they look forward to it so I think it helps. By the way, in addition to being Ash Wednesday, it was also National Oreo Day.

Part of me feels that I’m expending a lot of energy to try and keep the mood as light as possible and I think that drains me a bit. Plus, there were rumors that things were going to start happening in April so the stress starts to build as the date gets closer. I’m really on the fence about whether I want to stay or I want to go. Being one of the survivors of something like this isn’t always a good situation to be in.

We are going to do something fun this weekend. There is a flower and patio show that runs for two weekends. I may have talked about it before but they have it at our fairgrounds in two large buildings. The highlight is that 10-12 landscape designers build things so you can get an idea of things you can do with your outdoor space. Mostly it is water features and outdoor kitchens which sound cool but seem like a lot of work. The best part is the flowers they use in their displays because it is the first color we get to see.

Got a sympathy card from Dolly’s main vet office today. The other one we got was from the emergency vet center where she lived the last week of her life. But the normal vet office is the techs who had more experience with her since she’s been going to that office for the 16 years we had her so most of them were familiar with her. There were some nice comments from them but I knew that opening the card was just going to cause another round of tears. I couldn’t get through all of them the first time. The second time reading it was better.

I know that time will pass and the pain of losing Dolly will ease. I know that winter will fade and spring will come and I’ll finally be warm again. I know that whatever is going to happen at work will happen and then I can deal with that future. It is just that right now feels like a deep valley (or maybe the Pit of Despair from the Princess Bride). So I thought I’d take a night off and hide out at home.