What really went down between Jay Z and Solange? We've got the story

Last Monday night

May 13, 2014|RedEye, @redeyechicago | RedEye

The juiciest celebrity gossip machine of 2014 just keeps getting juicier. Following the release Monday of security camera footage that allegedly shows Solange Knowles attacking brother-in-law Jay Z in an elevator, Jay and wife Beyonce appeared courtside at a Brooklyn Nets game. The New York Daily News is reporting that Solange blew up after Jay decided to ditch Beyonce to attend Rihanna's Met Ball after-party. Yeah, we'd be pissed too.

Since all parties are keeping their lips tightly zipped, we can only speculate about what went down here. Fortunately, we at RedEye have some pretty wild imaginations. Several members of the staff played a game of exquisite corpse -- you know, that old party game where you pass a piece of paper around to write a story and each person is only allowed to see what the person directly ahead of them wrote. Here's what happened. Yes, they pay us to do this.

Person 8: What the paparazzi and pundits didn't realize in their frenzy to document the aging rapper and family man's SEO-friendly marriage was that he was secretly engaged in a gentlemen's bet with Mr. West to see who could get their less-wealthy, less-talented and less-curvaceous sisters-in-law to crack first, since the "Who can name their child the most weirdly boring word that is both a noun and an adjective?" competition had ended in stalemate.

Person 9: As the elevator doors closed and the sound of the Muzak system playing the chorus to "Waterfalls" filled the cramped space, it came to him and he began to utter the words that broke the final straw: "Damn, Solange, I remember when you guys dropped this song ..."