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About Me

I'm a 30-something year old woman learning to build a relationship with my true provider, my Heavenly Father! Besides that I am also a daughter, a sister, and aunt, a mommy to a kitty, a friend, a client, a patient, and a pedestrian. Oh, I'm also a Maritimer! I love my east coast Nova Scotia heritage.

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Well, Hurricane Bill was quite the let-down but I suppose that's a good thing. Hurricane season is just beginning and there's already another major storm (Danny) in the forecast for this coming weekend. Mostly Bill was just a bunch of wind and rain, no major damage, no real news to report on that.

That said, I have news of another great giveaway. Head on over to Que Sera Sera to see what great goodies you could win and how to enter. Here's a hint, there is something to read, something yummy to eat, and a gift card to a very popular place. Now go, go quick, hurry!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

So it looks like potentially we could be in for quite a storm here in Nova Scotia, Canada. Some say it will hit us straight on, others say it will miss us and we'll just see a lot of rain and wind. What will really happen is yet to be seen...but just in case we're without power I thought I'd better write a quick entry. I'm really not all that worried however the last comparable hurricane we had was Hurricane Juan and it wrecked havok around here and shut the city down for days so I guess we'll just have to wait see.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

I finally managed to create something I am happy enough to use as a watermark for now, however...I'm having some transparency issues. I can't figure out where I'm going wrong. I've followed tutorials for the program I am using, currently a demo of Corel Paint Shop Pro because I'm semi familiar with the program as I've used a different version in the past. Watermarks have always tripped me up...every single time.

This time I did manage to get it so that I don't mind using it...but it still needs work.

Anyway, here is what I have, I'm using it on an image that I posted a few days ago of my beloved Chloe. If you know anything about watermarks I'm sure you'll see my problem (bottom right corner).

I would rather not have that square. It didn't seem to matter what I did by the time I'd have to save the watermark image it would mysteriously appear again. So frustrating.

This is a song I only found about either last fall or this past winter, I can't quite remember. It means a lot to me. It partially played a role in my blogging name, or well, to be honest...the "found" part of my blogger name. I've very much been the "Prodigal Daughter" in my journey called life.

son: He is a lost sheep, a prodigal son, a storm tossed ship in a wild sea.

Preposition: in

parable: God makes us go through hard times, like the Prodigal in the parable, to bring us to our senses.

~~~

I've struggled with depression and anxiety since childhood. During my teenage years it became severe and by the time I was 19 I was in and out of hospital frequently. Partially because of my despair and extremely intense suicidal thoughts I behaved recklessly. I often took life-threatening overdoses and engaged in other self-harmful behavior. I pulled away from many people except for a few close friends, I would cut myself on a regular basis, I experimented with drugs and alcohol, I had run-in's with the police, and various other problems. I'm happy to say most of that is in the past, thanks to therapy, the right medications, a lot of hard work, and deciding finally that I want to follow my Lord and Savior. I, however, will be the first to admit my relationship with the Lord is nowhere near where it should be and I still make poor choices and have crap days. Afterall, I am human. It's been less then 2 months since the last time I engaged in cutting. Choosing to live God's way doesn't automatically make things easier...in fact...often things get harder. It just changes your perspective and outlook.

The last month or so has been the best I've felt in years! Yes, years! And it was earlier this year I made my mind up that yes, God was going to be a part of my life. And for the first time in years I am actually happy that I'm alive and looking forward to things.

Going back in time a few years, uh...okay...back to the teenage years...when I started to really struggle. Well, I probably first started struggling before I was a teenage, while I was still in elementary school. Around 14 I tried to drop out of school, I got involved in mild drugs and drinking, I got caught shoplifting, I was angry often and would fight with any one close to me. I'd kick holes in the walls, baracade myself in my room or the washroom for hours on end. I would take whatever pills I could get my hands on in the hopes of having a break from the pain I felt inside. Thankfully I got caught doing many of those things early on and so started my experiences with therapy. High school was much the same...except that if I went to school I would spend more time in the office because I would get so anxious about going to classes that I couldn't go.

I did take a year off of school after I graduated from grade 12 and then did a one year program at a private college. I struggled through it but managed to stick it out until I graduated. Got a good job...and things really started going downhill from there. While I'll never take back my work experience, working in the Emergency Room definitely took it's tole on me. I was so scared of what I might face at work that I started missing shifts, I started taking extreme overdoses, because in my head it made more sense to take an overdose to avoid going to work then to quit. I became very ill, doctors and nurses still tell me I shouldn't still be alive. Especially with no major damage. I also developed a life threatening allergic reaction to one of the medications that is used to conteract the medication I often took. It wasn't that I was looking for attention, it was just that I didn't know how else to escape the turmoil I felt inside. I would often be discharged and then be hospitalized again within 48 hours.

My parents finally made an ultimatum. If I took another overdose, if the paramedics had to take me to the hospital again, then I was no longer aloud to live at home. My behavior at home was out of control anyway...I am horrified that I acted the way I did towards my parents. When I was 19 I was officially kicked out. I didn't know how to stop my behavior...it was how I coped. I ended up living in homeless shelters for a few months before eventually getting a place on my own with a roommate. That was back in 2003.

The problems didn't end there. I was still often in and out of hospital. I still struggled with overdosing and self harm and would regularly have the police on wild-chases through the night and eventually they'd get me and take me to the hospital. I can't even imagine being that way now. I ended up off work on disability in 2006 and have been ever since. I'm hoping in the first half of next year I'll be able to return to work somewhere. I am in the process now of setting up some hours volunteering at a local Salvation Army Thrift Store.

The last real bad spell was only this past fall and winter. It started last spring or summer but by the fall it was out of control and meds were not helping. So things were really rocky again and there were some close calls. The differences was that I knew when to get help. The problems were exhaserbated by the trial and error of medications (and being on and off the various ones) and trying to find one that worked without severe side effects. Finally this past January, around the time of my last hospital admission I was started on a med that has helped. The dose has had to be tweaked a few times but it has made a huge difference. I have physical problems (not related to my behaviors) that made the trial and error a little more difficult because it eliminated a large group of medications that would normally have been used. Also, over the last few admissions I had too many things happen to simply be coincidence. Things I can't explain but proved to me that yes there is a God and I needed to make a choice whether I was going to let Him into my life or shut Him out. Well seeing as I wasn't liking how things were going without Him in my life I knew what decision I had to make. It was not an easy choice for me. I'm stubborn, I want to do things my way on my timeline...but that's not how it's to be, although it still does happen.

So...that there is a bit of my history from the mental health side of things. I mentioned there are physical issues as well which actually play a role in the mental health part of things but I will save that for another day.

I've chosen not to write my diagnosis in this blog entry but if you're curious (or nosey) don't hesitate to ask. I don't hide it. It is a part of who I am but it is not who I am. If that makes any sense. Oddly enough, as much as I'd like to be able to say that I didn't go through those things, I'm thankful for the experiences. I've met some really interesting people because of what I've been through and I've learned a lot along the way and I now like the person I am turning out to be. Without my experiences I may not be able to say that.

I've been alerted to another great giveaway. This time it is for $150 US in the form of a gift card, the best part is you get to choose any giftcard you want! Head on over to Where'd All My Money Go's blog to see how you too can get in on a chance to win some dough.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I may be a little biased but I do tend to think my dear kitty Chloe is the "Cutest Cat". I loves her, even if I don't get to see her much. Every day I call my mom (Chloe's "slave") to find out how Chloe is doing and to see if Chloe wants to "talk". Yes I seriously do, no joke. Mom has a range of tricks up her sleeve that can often get Chloe to meow a few words, or at the very least purr loud enough for the phone to pic it up. Some of the tricks aside from the obvious of offering her kitty treats or her favorite of grass, lettuce, or spinach, are reading out loud (she especially likes the bible), saying the Lord's prayer out loud, or just simply saying "s's" out loud. S, s, ess, S, Chloe ssss. LOL. She's so funny.

Here's her pic: See, she's a cutie! :) If you think she's cute too feel free to go over and vote for her. And if you have a cat you think is the "cutest cat" feel free to enter as well, and let me know the link so I can vote for yours as well. :)

Friday, August 7, 2009

I know none of you know my history yet, or at least not much of it...but I'm going to copy and paste something I wrote tonight in another forum that has been following me for months. It's an update to let them know how I'm doing. I will take out a few parts that don't apply to here but otherwise leave it intact, if you see anything in a [ ] it will be something I added specifically for here.

~~~

Hi, just thought I'd drop in and say hi. I've been doing really well the last little while, Praise God, probably the best I have in years (10+ years)...not saying I'm not going to have struggles anymore but saying that the Lord is really blessing me this summer with a new outlook, increasing abilities and energy, increasing interest, motivation and I'm excited, truly excited, to be able to be enjoying things.

My relationship with the Lord is still a work in progress, and always will be...as is any relationship. My relationship with the Lord is similar to many human relationships I have in the fact that in most cases I will be all out and doing everything I can and trying to spend all this time with the individual, and then I get overwhelmed and pull away. I'm working on this with His help and I know He's with me every step of the way on this journey...and a journey it sure is. It's just going to take time but I'm on the right path right now I think.

I'm not on the computer nearly so much anymore and am having a bit of a challenge learning to balance getting things done in the day with computer time and household responsibilities so until I get it figured out a little better I won't be around much at all. [I do plan to continue blogging, just not sure what direction it's going to take yet.]

The computer was a blessing for me for a season but now it's time to transition and change and focus on other things. But being able to have my various internet friends over the last 10+ years has been a huge blessing and encouragement (and at times a source of frustration but we won't focus on that) and also a distraction from all the pain and things I wasn't ready to learn how to deal with. [I look forward to many more years with internet friends, just in balance now with everyday living and adventures.]

I'm kind of rambling a bit...I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I'm just really excited to see what going to happen over the next few weeks as the transition continues...what does the Lord have in store for me?! I have some ideas, but only He really knows and it will all be revealed in His perfect timing.

Oh...I saw the most amazing rainbow tonight! I didn't know what my friend who I share an apartment with was so excited over and then looked out the window! Wow! The brightest, biggest, fullest rainbow either of us has ever seen. We could see from end to end. God knew we both needed to see that today, for different reasons, His promise. I believe good things are ahead.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Head on over to The Hovey Hut to see all the goodies you could win. Super awesome for most any crafty person...and for a beginner like me it looks like Heaven!

~~~

On another note, I am feeling compelled to write an entry soon with a bit of "my story". I haven't quite figured out how to go about it yet. I don't want it to be too heavy, and I don't want it to drag on, but I feel like it's meant for me to share a little about who I am now and what the journey of life has entailed for me so far. So, I'm going to work on that over the next little bit. Maybe for some it will be an inspiration, maybe for others it will be a turn-off and you'll never want to look at my blog again. Whatever. I am me and I'm learning to be happy despite all the challenges this journey holds. :) After all, isn't my blog called...Life's Journey's?! :) Or should it be Journeys (no apostrophe?)

Sunday, August 2, 2009

I think it's time for a little reunion with an old friend. Maybe even time to introduce your kids, nieces, nephews, cousins, to this old friend (or one of his buddies). Mr. Potato Head!

I never personally had one as a child, but I think all my friends did and I loved to play and see what kind of silly faces I could create. Recently I picked up a special Mr. Potato Head as a gift for a nephew. It's the Spider Spud (Spiderman/Peter Parker) one. His birthday isn't until September so I'm anxiously awaiting the day I get to give it to him.

Anyway for your chance to win a Classic Mr. Potato Head head on over to growingyourbaby.com and see what you need to do to enter. It's not hard I promise.

If I was to win, I would probably hang on to my Mr Potato Head. Not out of greed though, no, never...it would be because I need toys for when my nephew or my friends kids come to visit. Seriously, that's why. Really. :P Okay...so maybe I might play with it a little...for old time's sake, ya know. :)