Reality shows to make you sick

The US summer reality TV lineup has been announced. Heaven help us

Family Foreman promo

Thundering hooves are only one sign of the Apocalypse; another is the unveiling of summer American TV schedules. With the dramas and sitcoms safely wrapped until September, it's a time of wall-to-wall reality TV in which projectile vomiting, purveyors of health grills and members of defunct pop groups all loom large.

Keen to stick to the same formula, Family Foreman is the latest celebrity-family documentary, this time featuring George Foreman and his five sons, George Jr, George III, George IV, George V and George VI. It seems Dina Lohan and Denise Richards have competition on the worst celebrity parent front.

Another favourite for US TV execs is the Pygmalion theme (last seen in the guise of My Bare Lady, in which American porn stars tried to become actresses on the West End stage). This summer From Gs to Gents is turning gangsters to gentlemen, under the cultured eye of Fonzworth Bentley (not, would you fathom it, his birth name). Formerly P Diddy's personal assistant, Bentley feels naked without his braces and bowtie. Confirming his suitability as a modern-day Henry Higgins, Kanye West insists Bentley is the most "etiquated" person he knows.

Elsewhere there's a distinctively British flavour to the desperation. In what could be the least successful transatlantic transfer since Coupling, Ant and Dec are to make their long-discussed American debut in Wanna Bet, which bears striking similarities to Matthew Kelly's 90s Saturday night vehicle, You Bet.

Meanwhile, the BBC's controversial Baby Borrowers is being remade, though obviously with much better looking would-be parents. And, having earned her reality TV stripes on Dancing With The Stars, Mel B has teamed up with the least interesting member of 'N Sync, Joey Fatone, for the horror that is The Singing Office. A cut-price American Idol, the show sees our hosts turn up at various workplaces, hold singing auditions and then host a sing-off between fellow employees. Bets are on as to whether this will get cancelled in less time than it took to pull the plug on All American Girl, Geri Halliwell's attempt at American TV.

The grimmest show of the summer, however, must be Hurl. If you're already shuddering, you've probably grasped the concept. Participants in the show are subjected to a series of challenges which include, and I quote, "spiralling down a tunnel in a steel cage ball after eating mounds of mac 'n cheese". The winner is "the last contestant to spew", in a concept familiar to anyone who has endured Freshers' Week. Yes, it's summertime and the living is queasy, not least because you can be sure E4 is watching eagerly, chequebook in hand.