Thursday, December 8, 2016

And I mean that. Over the past decade, I have met so many
people in so many different places who will always have a special place in my
heart. Whether it was the henna you painted on my skin to make me feel like a
queen, or the conversation we had over tea. Whether it was advice that I didn’t
even understand until years later, or a jewel you dropped on me right in the nick
of time that changed my life….

You taught me how to pray.

You served up a frozen pizza with some laughs.

You cooked your famous curry made from scratch.

You patted my pregnant belly and said a prayer.

You asked me to teach you the Fatihah.

You taught me your language and I taught you mine.

You watched my children while I napped.

You taught my girls something that I could not.

You came to me, trusting me with your despair.

Our children rolled around on the green masjid carpet and imitated
us in salat.

Our children played on the playground and we etched
the moment in our memories.

I wept on your shoulder and you never
revealed my pain to a soul.

We laughed hard and didn’t talk about deeper
things, because the joy was enough.

A hug

A kiss

A lingering handshake

That was all I needed at that time to make the connection to
You.

It seems like lately I have been MIA from my own life. When
you withdraw in the way I have, people reach out at first frequently, but over
time the texts and calls dwindle. I just wanted to let YOU (THE ALL OF YOU) know
that I am still here, still feeling your love.

I’ve always been more of a visit-in-person friend, which is
why the memories of mommy-n-me’s and halaqas and quiet personal visits are most
fondly etched in my mind. Although I miss those times, I trust the old advice
of a dear sister who reminds me, “Everything we go through prepares us for the
next thing.” Right now, I am on the front lines, with schoolwork, mothering,
and being an active member of my family, especially my mom, who needs me. And that is okay. Just as my life has taken
turns in the past, I’m sure another turn is around the corner inshaAllah. I
pray Allah guides me and protects my family. Ameen. But for now, I’m just doing
what I do best, being me.

Thank you for giving me what you had and taking from me what
I offered. The energy from our good times carry me when I am knee deep in my
studies, or facing some dilemma. Thank you for giving me the space I needed to
grow and rest and buckle down. Our friendship is not lost nor forgotten! See
you soon inshaAllah!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Could it be that every time I get pregnant I return to
blogging? Well, the short answer is Yes!

When a woman is pregnant it’s like her whole life flashes
before her eyes. Lots of questions and fears and excitement culminate inside of
her. There are the life questions: What have I accomplished in all these years
I’ve been on Earth? Who am I? Have I lost my identity? Do I enjoy my life? Then
there are the mommy questions: Am I ready for this [again]? Do I have enough
love inside me to spread it among all these people? Have I failed the children
I already have? Is this physically possible? And then the spiritual questions:
Why did Allah choose me to have these children, at these ages, at this time in
my life?

So I know you’re waiting for me to address the title. The
answer is Yes, TWINS! At my 20-week ultrasound the sonographer candidly
announced that the ultrasound would take twice as long because she had to evaluate
TWO babies. I almost choked on my own tongue.

I looked up at the monitor and sure enough there were two
little heads. And four arms and four legs and twenty fingers and toes. I was in
utter shock, yet I was completely elated. It was a secret childhood fantasy of
mine to have girl/boy twins. But in the fantasy those were my only children…
Hahaha, jokes on me! But seriously, I was happy, I couldn’t stop giggling and
saying “Are You Serious!?” Then I would say Alhamdulillah
and Allahu Akbar under my breath. I
knew this was a major blessing.

So much to say… I don’t want to write a super-long blog, but
. . .

like I said, there is just so much on my mind. For starters,
I’ll describe how I’m feeling right now at 27weeks 4days: heavy, uncomfortable,
tired, tight, stretched to the max, PAIN, foggy, unattractive, useless, and
tearful... and HOT! It’s okay, don’t rush me to the ER or the psyche ward! I don’t feel like
this all the time. Sometimes when I’m feeling really down, I will get an Angel
message. What is an angel message?

The little old pale woman with the white hair approached me
in the supermarket yesterday. I was in pain from my huge protruding heavy belly
and the blood was rushing out my brain, making the room spin. I was praying
just to make it out of the ACME on two feet.

“You are ready!” she exclaimed. Everyone has been saying
this to me lately. Even through my large draping dresses, people can see that
my belly is huge and low, this would usually indicate a woman in close to
birth.

“No.” I slowly shake my head and grin. “I’m only seven
months. I’m having twins” I prematurely chuckle because I’ve said this to so
many people lately that I’m anticipating her surprised reaction.

“Oh my! Two?” she uncurled two shaky wrinkled fingers to
affirm she heard correctly. When I nodded yes, she leaned in closely and told
me her story. She had two children by the time she was 40 years old and then
got pregnant again. She went into labor and delivered her child only to her the
most devastating words any mother can hear after giving birth. Stillborn. After the doctor sadly
reported the news, he looked her square in the eye and said, “You will have another
child.” Three months later she was with-child again and gave birth to her last
child, her first boy. After telling me this story she looked me in the eye and said,

“God is with you. Don’t
ever think he isn’t. I realize now that I wasn’t supposed to have my third
child with me. That child went straight to God. God is with you always. Everything
will be fine. God Bless YOU.” And she slowly pushed her cart down the dairy
aisle. And I wanted to cry. Thank You Allah. Thank you for the Angel message.

Sometimes these messages come from family and friends. Just
simple texts telling me I’m beautiful. How did you know I was feeling low? A
tight hug from my husband that lifts me out my seat, relieving my pain for
those few seconds. My children telling me I’m the best mom ever. How did they
know I was feeling like I was letting them down because I really can’t do much
these days?

Angel messages are how I describe those little and big signs
of divine affirmation, telling us everything really is okay. More than okay, our
lives, even our trials are divine and blessed. So be grateful!

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…”
(Qur’an, 2:286).

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

I’m going to say it right off: hitting is primitive. It is. I
think of the caveman hitting the woman over the head and dragging her to his
cave, claiming her as his own. I would think we as human beings would have
evolved to a point by now where we didn’t have to use physical violence to
prove our point. Some would argue that violence is a part of the human genome, and
to that I say, Prove it!

As parents, we don’t
want to see our children picked on or pushed around, and we lack the knowledge
of any better solution so we say, “If so-and-so hits you first, you hit them back.” The funny thing is I’ve seen parents
tell their child this when it was obvious to me and everyone else around that their child was the aggressor.

It seems like today’s society is angrier and more violent
than any other. Teenage girls are making Youtube videos of other teenage girls
being beaten to a pulp by their peers. Sports stadium riots and beatings are on
the rise, with more occurrences than ever before. Call it lack of moral and
family values. Call it lack of religion and belief in sin and judgment.

Perhaps I’ll argue you about wars and world peace another
time. Let’s make it more personal for right now. I hear some parents who yell
at their boys – and girls – “If he hits you, you better hit him back!”

Yes, I will confess that I even told this to Ruqi once
because I was distraught when she told me the boy in the red shirt was hitting
her at preschool.I wasn’t raised with
this type of thinking, but I guess we all question our own upbringings, right?

My parents always taught NO HITTING. And guess what? I was
never in a fight, and I never got picked on. I think it was all about
confidence for me. My brother did not escape the punishment of unforgiving
children as easily. He was teased and picked on, and that is probably the fear
I have for my own children. But I now realize that there are other mechanisms
we can use as parents to get the best of both worlds: a child who is both
confident and non-violent. Talking to your children about conflict resolution
from a young age is key and also demonstrating it in the household. If mommy
and daddy and verbally/physically abusive or short-tempered, that is the lesson
being taught to the child.

The ethic code starts with us the parents. What will we
teach our children? As parents and caregivers we have the unique opportunity to
be the very first moral influence on these young minds. What will you choose?

P.S. I know what some of y’all are thinking: Is she saying a
child should sit there and get beat up, and not fight back? NO!! Not at all.
Even the Qur’an states that violence is permissible once one is transgressed. I
am simply saying we as parents need to be examples of non-violence and peaceful
conflict resolution J

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Before I became a mom, I had all these ideas of what kind of
mom I would be. No sugar before 3 years old. Won’t tolerate any whining. Keep
house clean and neat. Ha!! Don’t get me wrong, I am glad I set a lot of standards
because at least I have a mental goal of what type of mom I want to be.
However, I have also learned that being a mom many days it just about getting
through the day : Are they fed? Are they bathed? Are they still alive!? Do I
still have my sanity? Yes? Ok, the day was a success.

A great example of one of the expectations I set for myself
is homeschooling. I have not ruled it out by any means. However, now I think, Do I really want to spend 24 hours a day, 7
days a week with my children for the next 15-18 years? Really? So I told
myself, “It will be great if you can homeschool, but it’s just fine if you don’t.
You are still a good mom.” If homeschooling will bring on more stress and
confusion than rewards, what’s the point? This goes with anything in our child-rearing.

Sometimes we look at other moms and other children and they
look like they are doing everything right and we are doing everything WRONG. Why is my kid running around during salat,
Sister so-and-so’s kids are good. They make salat quietly alongside the adults.
My kids are rolling around, pulling at my scarf. People must think we don’t
pray at home. We do! We do!

But what we don’t see is that Sister so-and-so is not
perfect and neither are her children. Every parent has problems and struggles,
perhaps maybe some more than others. Allah knows best! So, be a good Mom. Be a
good Dad. Do your best. Have standards. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t sacrifice
your mental and physical health. Ask Allah for patience and gratitude.

Friday, July 20, 2012

And we’re off! Ramadan is here! It is actually here! Aren’t
you excited? I know I am. I was very nervous at first because I have gone four
years without fasting because of being pregnant and nursing back-to-back. And
it’s not just the fasting. I felt kind of resentful because I knew I wouldn’t
be able to curl up with the Qur’an and other Islamic materials and just read
and relax throughout the day. I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. There will
be no peace.

So okay, then I thought- why not embrace the crazy
excitement that the kiddos bring into this whole thing? You know, the old
saying, “If you can’t beat them, join them!” I can’t lock myself in a closet
all Ramadan to read and pray and peacefully exist in serenity. It’s just not my
reality. And I certainly do not have a nanny. Therefore, I decided to get the
girls really involved. It’s a little more challenging when they are so young,
but that makes it even more fun.

My first step was to arm myself with Islamic DVDs, books, CD
Roms, and craft ideas. I went to 52nd street here in Philadelphia - where
I will be spending this Ramadan InshaAllah. Between 2 Islamic stores, I managed
to get a couple Adam’s World DVD’s, a
great little book called, Allah Made
This, a cute pink hijab for Ruqi, and a replacement CD of I Look I See (which I play in the car
nonstop and they never get tired of it!). I also bought a DVD called: A is for Asad (Lion) which teaches the
Arabic Alphabet.

If you take nothing from this post at least take this: Never underestimate your children! Ruqi
is picking up on the concepts of Arabic and Ramadan so quickly and little Saja
dances to the songs and throws her hands up whenever she hears “Allahu Akbar!”
Children will learn what you allow them to learn and they are very adaptable.
They watch your every movement and listen to your every word. This Ramadan, let’s
be the best examples we can for our children and all the youth who are looking
to us for guidance.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I created this post because it
truly is hard to eat healthy on a limited income. Many Americans are
struggling, being underpaid or unemployed. Unfortunately, one of the first
cutbacks we tend to make is to our food budget. And it is even more unfortunate
that fruits and vegetables are much more costly than junkfood and processed
food. There is a value menu at every fast-food joint, but the healthy foods
tend to have consistent high price tags, turning them into a menu item for the
privileged.

But fear not! My parents raised me and my brother on split pea soup, lentils, salads, tofu, bean sprouts, and banana bread. We were poor growing up, but they didn't allow our budget to be a raodblock to our good health and well being.

1.Buy Beans… they’re Cheap, Healthy and Tasty. If
one variety gives you gas, try another, there are so many!

2.Buy your Produce Wholesale or at Produce Markets
where you can get deals like “1 bag of apples/ $1”

3.Seasons + Staples = buy brown rice and whole
wheat noodles in bulk, and incorporate them in everyday meals. Experiment with
seasoning so it doesn’t get boring!

4.Healthy Potlucks Instead of Eating Out! Getting
together with friends can be a lot cheaper and lower in calories if you gather
at someone’s house and everybody contributes a fun healthy dish!

5.Pack a Lunch… or Breakfast or Dinner or Snack!
It’s been said over and over by every nutritionist- making your lunch at home
will save you both valuable money and calories.

**Bonus Tip! Grow your own fruits and vegetables in your
yard, in pots in your kitchen, or at a community garden. The feeling of eating
your very own freshly grown food in amazing J