DON'T FILL OUT YOUR CENSUS FORMS*

* But only if you're a right-wing lunatic. If you're a sensible person who lives in blue state, or a reliably Democratic congressional district, it's perfectly safe to fill out your census form and your participation in the census could mean another congressional seat for your state and more federal and state funding. Because Obama's jackbooted thugs are not going to round you up. So fill that form out! But if you live in a Republican district—like, you know, Michele Bachman's—you're going to want to play it safe and tear up that census form. Because socialism! Stalin! Hitler! Gay marriage!