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9 Inconvenient Truths About Men & Cheating

The emotional and psychological challenges experienced by many men attempting fidelity are underrated in mainstream romance. Instead, the problem is exacerbated by highlighting the inevitable outcome of that challenge: cheating. Cheating has been analyzed through a never ending stream of expert opinions and “why men cheat” books and articles. Overwhelmingly, the barrage of cheat-lit takes the much needed stance of helping women either demonize or empathize in addition to ensuring women that there’s something that can be done to prevent a man from cheating. Not this article. This is not your typical, girly, “why men cheat” list intent on giving you false hope. My take on the subject fully acknowledges that at least 50% of of men being coerced to sleep with one woman, and one woman only, are simply not going to. These next few reasons for male infidelity will make you squirm in your seat, get your eyes rolling, head shaking, and flaming the comments. No fluff. Just cold, hard, inconvenient truths about a man you used to, or will soon love — and why there’s roughly a 1 in 2 chance he cheats.

He’s Not Married

Where all the single ladies at? Your man is probably cheating on you with them. Why shouldn’t he? It’s not like you’re married. “Booed,” “Involved,” or “Dating” are not options on any form I’ve ever seen for relationship status. Perhaps you fall into one of those categories with a guy and the two of you have been seeing a lot of each other, but when did he ever say he was going to have sex with you, and only you? Newsflash: if you’re not married or engaged, you’re in a practice relationships . Most marriages are based on an agreement that’s full of loopholes and vagueness, but at least there is something in writing. Practice relationships are built on mutual agreements that many couples never bother to discuss. If you have never discussed monogamy with your man, and you are not married, he might likely be cheating.

Too Many Options

“Men are as faithful as their options.” We’ve all heard it, and this inconvenient truth has resurfaced as of late thanks to Shaq’s new book, citing this very reason as the source of his own infidelities. Men spend a significant portion of their existence building wealth, muscles and confidence just to be considered as a sex partner. Once he’s attained enough of either, he’ll attract multiple women and be rewarded for all of that self-improvement. Sometimes wealth and fame comes very fast, giving he who posesses those qualities a disproportionate number of options. It’s not easy to walk away from every single opportunity. Of course, this doesn’t apply to all men, just most of the ones many women are interested in. By comparison, men that are broke and swaggerless have a higher propensity to be faithful. A lifestyle of poverty and/or insecurity doesn’t bring a lot of options or opportunity. Unfortunately, these men are also less desired by women. Go figure.

A Sense of Entitlement

To help illustrate this male mindset, I’ll tell you about my buddy Aaron. Like many men who think like him, Aaron doesn’t believe that monogamy is natural or sustainable. But in order to fit into society, he leads two very distinct lives. On one hand, he’s a loving husband and provider and loves his partner wholeheartedly. On the other, he takes a extramarital partner when he can. Aaron and those like him think that men sleeping with several women is as natural a male tendency as becoming a groupie is for females. Why get married if you think this way? I asked Aaron the same thing. His answer: “The best parts of society aren’t built on natural human tendencies. They’re built on blending those with order, structures and institutions like marriage.” This is a very common rationalization.

He’s Wants Something “Strange”

“Show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man that’s tired of having sex with her.” Its crass, but it illustrates the simple truth behind the strange, unquenchable thirst men have to try something, anything different than his mainstay. Woman may find this aspect of men unconscionable while ironically, it is one of his most intuitive habits — a thing men feel, know, and do without thought. The good news, should you choose to accept it, is that his want of the strange is completely unrelated to his feelings for you. Men can be loyal, devout partners, love you to the end of the earth and take a bullet for the woman who holds his heart, yet still very badly want some strange new experiences. That’s just the way it is.

Fear

The entire insurance industry is predicated on fear. It causes stampedes in a crowded theater, and got Bush elected for a second term. The way it is internalized by each man will differ and often, he’s not even aware of the true source to his actions. Cheating is often related to fear. Such was the case with Justin, who’s “cheating” ways developed over time. As a young man, he’d been very romantic and had an adolescent relationship with a girl. They were both virgins at the time and fantasized about being each others’ first. Many of their peers were doing the deed but Justin was holding out for his betrothed. Sophomore year of high school, Justin moved away and she lost her virginity to some other guy. “Never again,” Justin vowed, referring to all the advances he’d passed on in the interests of being “faithful.” And so it went for the next 15 years, throughout which time he promised exclusivity to one girl or another but never honored it. With each dalliance, Justin kept his vow and nurtured his own fear of being hurt and “missing out” until two to three girls became the status quo. Of course, that’s how fear developed for this guy into a block to monogamy. Each individual has an experience all his own but fear is fear and it’s a real source of cheating.

Age

By and large, men go through eras of infidelity. In kindergarten, I was a one woman man. That lasted well into my late teens and had disappeared by the time college came around. Monogamous relationships might be desirable during their twenties, but for most men committing to one girl is far-fetched. But once in his thirties, fidelity once again seems palatable. Maybe he’s thinking more about marriage, or maybe he’s just tired of the chase. Either way, sometimes there comes a time when a man is looking forward to finding a good girl to make a go at it with. The timing just feels right. It’s all about timing.

Sex as Stress Relief

A mortgage, two kids, a car note, a demanding wife, and career is a lot of weight for any man to carry. If a marriage is mismanaged long and severely enough, much or all of the sexual chemistry can be sucked right out of the relationship due to seemingly more pressing matters, like calling the plumber. It’s a common scenario, and an affair is waiting to happen. A man still cherishes his family and may regret any betrayal, but may still be in desperate need of a release. Even a single encounter with a colleague or strange woman can be incredibly therapeutic, renewing his vigor to be “the man” for his wife and family. If he remains committed to his family, a slight dalliance, say once a year, can have positive benefits overall. And that’s why a man might do it.

When in Rome…

Plenty of happily married men travel the world for business and view an illicit tryst as standard as ordering hotel catering. Sometimes ordering a plate of adultery is accomplished in much the same way as room service. As always, the Internet improves upon the quality of life with websites like Ashley Madison and Arrangement Finder, which do a fine job of keeping cheating convenient. And once he hops back on that plane home, no one will know the difference.

To Get Out

Sometimes, men simply grow tired of a relationship, but is either in denial or can’t bring himself to cut things off. In other cases, he may have told his lady it’s time to call it quits and she either erased the conversation from her short-term memory or broke down in tears, causing him to recant it all. Once a guy has reached this point, whether he’s tried to tell his lady or not, the reigns on monogamy are steadily loosened until lipstick on the collar or explicit text messages are inevitable. Not only does it get him back in the saddle and beyond the need of a rebound, but his wife or lady will do him a favor and end the whole charade when she finds out. So as you can see, most of these reasons don’t have anything to do with you as a woman. There is nothing you can do about most of them! This means you can stop buying those books about why men cheat. Just be the best person you can be, and if your man is a good man who is capable of being monogamous he will be.

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Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

AVeryTrueHonestRealAnswer

It was just too bad for us Good single men that we weren’t born at a much Earlier time when the Good old fashioned women were around which it definitely would’ve been Easier meeting a Good woman at that time since many of us men would’ve been very Faithful with just only One woman since we could’ve been all Settled down by now which we Never would’ve had to deal with this from the very beginning since many of us are Not single by choice today.

anonposter

Yet these cheaters wouldn’t be okay with their wives/girlfriends cheating.

organicallymanufactured

Women would NEVER get a rational, well organized, and almost empathetic article of the “reasons” why they cheat. We would get DOGGED! How dare we bruise our delicate males egos? PAH-LEASE! Men must realize a women can cheat for the very same reasons. We live in this life too. There are many attractive men, work/family stresses, and excuses. Men are supposed to be strong but sex makes them fall weak every time. Stop making excuses about wrong doing and put that shoe on your foot…you wouldn’t begin to fit that emotional heel!

Kitka Wanderlust

Cheating has nothing to do with the other person but how you handle situations and how trustworthy you are. If you cheat, it shows a lack of character. It is a passive aggressive act by an untrustworthy person not worth anyone’s time.

SpeakingTheTruth

Most women nowadays are the worst CHEATERS, and always will be.

sexybond

My Wife is a cook island Maori lady, She is a cheat and has even cheated on me with my best friend. Being the dumb man I am, I stayed with her, but the relationship is so shady. Oh by the way She is a flight attendent

john

ThisShall we talk about women cheating know, maybe we should pretend that doesn’t happen even though studies show women cheating far more than men that are married. Or should we talk about women who intentionally try to temp married men. Or should we talk about all the things that are driving men emotionallyaway from there wives. The only thing I see going on in this forrom is a bunch of women who are angry with and use men as an excuse for relationship failures. I am man who sees women in a whole different light than I used to. Women today are not good wives. Don’t get me wrong. The majority of women are great. They scream, there not supportive and it’s always give me more, more, more. If you want a good husband then lead by example. You can’t expect a man to be a good husband if you don’t act like a good wife. Marriage is a partnership. As far as you women who think you should be treated as a queen grow up. Even a queen treats her man like a king. That is the real problem, you can’t expect your man to act like a man if you don’t Treat him like a man. Take some responsibility for your relationships and quit blaming one person in the relationship for 100 percent of the problems.

besides

don’t agree with a man having to have “stress relief” sex and the author saying its alright right from time to time. have you ever heard of diseases? men are not the only ones who cheat. this article (to me) would make a women feel insecure and that she has to work extra hard at watching and keeping her man. if he cheats, see him to the door. if you want to keep him then know what you got and keep him until you find someone better. but you have to be looking and willing to leave him. believe me, it works both ways.

Kathleen Fulton

Men need to realize that women were bored of having sex with them long before the men got bored. Men have 10x the testosterone the women have. Therefore, men want sex 10x more often than women. Women will accomodate that, but 9 times out of ten, would prefer not to sex. Also, 2/3 of women don’t have orgasms.Women have sex for different reasons, not only because they actually want or need sex. Many have sex to keep their relationships together or to keep the father in the house for the children.It would probably be fun to have a fling outside of the primary relationship, but most women won’t do that because they know the suffering and havoc it would cause to their families.I doubt that most men would tolerate their partners having sex with others. A man would not want to provide, knowingly or unknowingly, for a child who was the result of the woman’s extramarital affair.The men who cheat are selfish and self-indulgent.

nytw

Why should a man be any more faithful than most women are. From what I’ve seen just as many women “cheat” in any kind of relationship as men,

Hellopussymeow

Thanks for the stinking load of wildly sexist crap. Who the hell pays people to write this tripe?

bellaluna30

I’m of the mind that cheating is a passive-aggressive way to end a marriage. It’s for the guy who wants out, but doesn’t have the balls to end it himself.

Guest

I’m not sure I agree with what was written here. I’m married 33 years. Fifteen years ago my wife (whom I was completely faithful to) suddenly decided sex was off limits. All I heard for a decade and a half was “dont’ touch me, leave me alone!”. And so I did. Two weeks ago she kissed me and said it was okay to have sex again, just like turning on the light switch. Does she think I’m still interested? Not in my lifetime.

Kim

I hope you’re planning an article explaining why women cheat

Sirays

These reasons work both ways!

jsicolts

What a useless article. As a gay man, i have cheated with a ton of married guys ~ black, white, 20-50, asian, doesn’t matter. All men cheat, and many with other men. Try doing some investigations when writing an article. This was a waste of time.

Misswrite

wow so you feel good about cheating with a married men and spreading diseases…if you want to skip to the end of your story read Leviticus 20:13

BretThe Sourcer V B

..

Tarecole

Ironic that the number one reason for women cheating isn’t even on the list for men. Doubly ironic that that reason women cheat is the same reason women get married – for money!

LezzieInTheRye

I don’t see why these are only supposed to apply to men. They seem like perfectly reasonable reasons why women cheat too. I’m a queer lady who has been involved in a few trysts, and I must say that I can find a fit with these reasons as well. While there are undoubtedly differences between the sexes, I would argue that psychologically speaking we’re all exposed to the same environmental factors that help inform our decision making rationales, and thus our sex psychology is likely very similar. And to the woman (women? I didn’t read all the comments.) who opined that women could be celibate “indefinitely”, I am going to have to STRONGLY disagree; hell if I could help it I wouldn’t go a day without it, but I’m in a relationship, and I understand compromise when it comes to two people with different libidos. Luckily I still get it every other day, but I was once with a woman who tried to bargain me down to once a week or less, and it was then that I began having affairs with different women.

Samoyed

The Author says: “The entire insurance industry is predicated on fear. It causes stampedes in a crowded theater, and got Bush elected for a second term.” What ignorant bias! Fear is not what got Bush elected to a second term. It was a bad candidate in Kerry and the now disgraced John Edwards. If anything, fear of an economic doomsday got Obama elected. Men cheat if they are being emasculated by their women OR they were raised or influenced to build their self esteem by being with as many women as possible. With the 70% illegitimacy rate in the black community and the poor influence of popular culture, it’s no surprise that most men cheat. They haven’t had good role models. Is this a mystery? If you want a loyal guy then look at his family, his history an values. Don’t go for the flashy player. Go for a guy who may be less exciting but has long term possibilities.

“The entire insurance industry is predicated on fear. It causes stampedes in a crowded theater, and got Bush elected for a second term.’You should have put these two sentences at the front of the article. I would have known immediately I was dealing with an idiot and wouldn’t have wasted my time reading several pages in.

Pegepetto

“Why Men Cheat” – Do you still wonder why Tim Tebow caught on so quickly and became so big in this country? The way I’ve heard it for years it’s the women who push the “Bad Boy” issue on the men, ever think that’s why so may guys try the “Dark Side”. Oh, and the saying we never stop hearing that “Nice guys finish last”. Nevertheless; there are still good guys out there who don’t cheat, but the thing people tend to forget is … once they’re gone, they’re gone for good. The gentlemen’s club may not be huge, but the quality of the members is in no way slipping.

Veteran

Don’t want your man to cheat? Here’s a few useful tips: Don’t EVER break a promise, especially to marry. Take “care” of your man. Use your imagination. Yes, don’t get FAT. Don’t be constantly yelling and screaming and nagging at your man, biggest turnoff on the PLANET. You don’t have to get really kinky, but an unanticipated SURPRISE is GREAT (like a quickie at his workplace, if you can get away with it – HUGE turn on). Some good screaming and moaning during sex doesn’t hurt either, even if it is well-faked. Probably the number one reason why relationships/marriages fail — the woman takes on a career that separates her from her “man” by hundreds, if not thousands of miles…..It is an absolute certainty, I’ve seen it happen more than once.

Kww

Why oh why do women have to be the ones sacrifices to save a relationship or to keep a man…? He better recognize…seriously…you need to give what you want out of a relationship…surprise her…love on her…white men are good at this…the very thing black men like about white women is the very thing that black women will love about white men…seriously…the white men that love black women are know how to treat a women without giving up his manliness…a man does not have have his foot on a woman…only small minded men go there…anyway…black men will lose black women all together…and even white women wont want them…haha…its coming…watch.

evieleigh

Who wrote this? Charlie Sheen?

Anony

You are stupid to post: “The entire insurance industry is predicated on fear. It causes stampedes in a crowded theater, and got Bush elected for a second term.” Why bring politics into this?At least Bush didn’t sell our American soul to the devil or make underhanded promises to the Soviets.

Bid Dickman

Stay in shape, look your best, don’t act like a beyotch, take care of your man in the bedroom. He won’t cheat on you.

Kww

and what are you doing for her? you do not deserve it…period…tit for tat…cheat her right and you will not have to worry about those things…men want it all but are too lazy and selfish to give the thing that they expect from the woman….black men …wow it should be illegal to marry then without them taking a manhood test…

Kww

I meant treat her right…haha..Freudian slip lol

Spam

1) because you got fat2) you don’t give head3) you leave your man wanting for sex4) you nag too much5) you’re generally bitchy6) you take your comfy life for granted7) you spend too much on yourself8) you are lazy and/or stupid9) because he can

Kww

and you should be castrated because you named a list that is a heck of a lot shorter than the list she has for you…believe it…and you package is too small how about that!

Jennifer3142

What about sexual deprivation? Shouldn’t that be top of the list?

john4carter

DISQUIS is annoying, it censored my last comment about seexx in an article about the subject… so now I have to put in mis-spelled words just in case a 5 year old reads the article… There is a certain % of men and women that completely lose interest in marital seeexxxxx. So what is the other spouse supposed to do, remain permanently frustrated and relegated to a life long monk/nun existance? If you refuse any ssssex with your spouse, don’t be a cry baby if he or she will not spend the remainer of his/her life as some type of super horrrrnnny teenager with no opportunities. Also, if you gain +80 LBS, no, your not seeexy anymore, regardless of how much you spend on clothes. Nobody really wants to mount a cow at night or have a walrus mount themselves. Either you give it up and stay in shape or get used to “long business trips” out of state.

Kww

there is something call divorce you tool! she does not need you so leave fool!

john4carter

There is a certain % of men and women that completely lose interest in marital sex. So what is the other spouse supposed to do, remain permanently frustrated and relegated to a life long monk/nun existance? If you refuse any sex with your spouse, don’t be a cry baby if he or she will not spend the remainer of his/her life as some type of super horny teenager with no opportunities. Also, if you gain +80 LBS, no, your not appealing anymore, regardless of how much you spend on clothes. Nobody really wants to mount a cow at night or have a walrus mount themselves. Either you give it up and stay in shape or get used to “long business trips” out of state.

Kkmovesyou

Here’s the thing about STD. It’s one thing to have the pain and embarrassment of say…genital warts. It’s quite another to get cervical cancer, anal cancer (which is what Farrah Fawsett died from), or another oral cancer of the mouth that many MEN are now getting. I read an article in Sports Illustrated about two men with oral cancers, both married with children, had cancer of the mouth, resulting for one with a total removal of his jaw and teeth. Men spending time with women who have HPV (human papilova virus), which is unknown to them, run this risk. HPV develops into cancer, HPV is a virus contracted by women who have multiple sexual partners.

It’s a dirty little secret, but everyone should make themselves aware of it. It ain’t all fun and games, people…

Kkmovesyou

What is a “car note”? Did I miss something?

TeachTheWorldToThink

I am really good looking (have never had any trouble getting admiration and propositions from the opposite sex, of all ages and races) and smart (I’m close to finishing graduate school with a 4.0 GPA, scored 24 on the ACT, love learning and research, teach high school Spanish, etc.), and it has never been difficult for me to remain monogamous whenever I am in a relationship. I have never had any interest in being with more than one man simultaneously, even though the opportunity has always been fully present. I repeat, difficulty in being monogamous has to do with lack of maturity, lack of integrity, lack of concern for others and poor communication skills.

Zach

You can’t play the cards this way. It doesn’t work. You’re a woman, I assume. You need only say the word and any man will usually sleep with you. The demand for sex is higher on the male side. That’s why the rape crimes usually consist of men raping women. Sexual partners are more abundant for the women compared to men. That’s why, when the opportunity presents itself for the men, there’s more chance it will be acted upon. Commodity.

TeachTheWorldToThink

Because it is that easy for me to get men in bed, is further support that I (and women in general) should be the one(s) having the most difficulty remaining monogamous. Yet, this is not the case. Many people have commented here that men and women are no different when it comes to cheating, yet your comments contradict those claims.

The crime of rape has nothing to do with sex. Rape is a crime of violation, violence, theft, dominance and humiliation. Sex is none of that. Rape has nothing to do with a high demand for sex or a high sex drive.

Sexual partners are not more abundant for women. Prospective partners may be more abundant, however. But most men have had more partners than have most women.

My main point was that a man’s looks and “smarts” have nothing to do with how many women he can get or how difficult it will be for him to remain monogamous. Monogamy is a choice, as is honesty.

Jongindick

I know from experience that it is a lot harder to stay monongamous when you are really good looking and smart.

Jongindick

I know from experience that it is a lot harder to stay monongamous when you are really good looking and smart.

B.G.

This article should be titled “The ten most common excuses men give for cheating.” Too bad some men have no scruples and think of women as objects to use and then find psychobabble writers to endorse their egocentric, phony “macho” lifestyles. If you want to be single and sleep around, fine. If you want to be married and lie about being monogamous you are a louse and, well, a cheat. I feel very sorry for the families of these guys.

MP17

This article is kind of humiliating to me as a man. I am only 1, so perhaps I just fit the 1 in 2 mold, but to say that a man who is attractice, in shape and with good wealth is very likely to cheat is a poor, poor excuse. A man cheats because he is weak and because he is not in true love. If you truly, truly adore your partner, you would never attempt something so inexcusable. Ever. Whether it is spiritual obligations to your God or to yourself or your partner, that is fine. I love my girlfriend, plain and simple. I would never cheat on her, and have avoided it on several occassions. Now, if I didn’t truly love her I still wouldn’t cheat. I’d be a man enough to either tell her first or leave her entirely. Any men OR women out there who cheat, you are a sad, weak-willed people who do tremendous damage to a good person’s heart.

MP17

This article is kind of humiliating to me as a man. I am only 1, so perhaps I just fit the 1 in 2 mold, but to say that a man who is attractice, in shape and with good wealth is very likely to cheat is a poor, poor excuse. A man cheats because he is weak and because he is not in true love. If you truly, truly adore your partner, you would never attempt something so inexcusable. Ever. Whether it is spiritual obligations to your God or to yourself or your partner, that is fine. I love my girlfriend, plain and simple. I would never cheat on her, and have avoided it on several occassions. Now, if I didn’t truly love her I still wouldn’t cheat. I’d be a man enough to either tell her first or leave her entirely. Any men OR women out there who cheat, you are a sad, weak-willed people who do tremendous damage to a good person’s heart.

TeachTheWorldToThink

This could not have been said better, especially your last sentence. The whole reason so many relationships/marriages fail is because precious few people are adult enough to be honest and up front with their mate, rather than deceive and play dangerous games like cheating. Because so many people take deception and dishonesty in a relationship so lightly, there is an ongoing battle between the sexes, and it is not doing anyone any good. The whole cheating phenomenon is senseless, and turns good people cold-hearted.

TeachTheWorldToThink

This could not have been said better, especially your last sentence. The whole reason so many relationships/marriages fail is because precious few people are adult enough to be honest and up front with their mate, rather than deceive and play dangerous games like cheating. Because so many people take deception and dishonesty in a relationship so lightly, there is an ongoing battle between the sexes, and it is not doing anyone any good. The whole cheating phenomenon is senseless, and turns good people cold-hearted.

It’s like this: Women! Our sex is partly to blame. If women weren’t sleeping around, i.e, if they ALL, and I mean ALL waited to have sex until marriage– like intended by God, men wouldn’t have anybody to cheat with…unless they were gay.

Oh, also there’s a little known word called habituation, which is the act of getting used to something. This is an inevitable experience in human kind and cannot be avoided, therefore, I am surprised that I haven’t read yet, that simply men and women can become bored and therefore they stray,

But honestly, just refer to my first comment because that is the main culprit: Men have access to willing women. Willing women who are willing to have sex on the internet, i.e. porn (which is also cheating by the way because you are LUSTING after another woman or man.), or on the street corner, or what have you. What to do? Cut off the access. But then, where’s the growth and lesson for mankind in that? That’s too easy.

Case in point: As long as men or women can get it, they will…hopefully you won’t be married to him or her.

Dsheena74

I appreciate the honesty of the writer of this article, but I am so sick of men blaming their cheating as a biological excuse. God knew very well what he was doing when He created man and woman. He knew men would have high testosterone levels and “strange” desires because there is such a thing as Good and Evil, and the bible warns of this. It tells men that “they should not resent their wives.” Why? Because God knew that it wouldn’t be easy for a man or even a woman sometimes to be with only one individual. My point is, we are sinners from the day we are born, and the Lord wants you to learn how to resist the desires of the flesh he created in you to PERFECT a better YOU, and in doing so, you become a stronger and better you also for your wife, children, and Ultimately, for the Lord, as all grace goes to him when he opens your eyes to Truth. Biological urges? Yes, we are of the flesh. Can we say no? Yes. Hey guys and women who cheat.. when you feel a burning in your nether regions..that is a little gift from the big man upstairs.

all these articles on cheating alway assume that the man has not been pushed to this impulse..it assumes that the female is doing everything right in the relationship and he is just a dirty dog…It never justifies his actions or ways he could communicate to let her know if she is lacking in a certain area but the assumption that the fault is one sided

TeachTheWorldToThink

No one is “pushed” to lying or playing games (cheating). That is an individual choice that speaks to a person’s individual character. There is nothing a man I am married to or in a relationship with can do to “push” me to play games with him or lie to him or sleep around on him behind his back. Those sorts of decisions/behaviors speak to lack of character and lack of maturity. Of course the articles don’t “justify” anyone’s wrong actions. Why would it? Who would want to read an article that justifies doing wrong against one’s mate?

If you think that cheating (lying to, playing games with) your spouse or girlfriend is a justifiable choice for how to handle her shortcomings, the fact is that you aren’t mature enough to even be with any woman. This whole attitude of “She’s not giving me XYZ, so I’m not going to give her honesty and commitment” is an infantile recipe for guaranteed failure. If the man I am with is doing things wrong in the relationship, yet I still want to be with him, I have enough intelligence and maturity to sit down with him and express my concerns in an honest, adult manner. If he is unable or unwilling to put forth the necessary effort to do his part to make the relationship better (or to help maintain the relationship), I’m out. It’s as simple as that. There is absolutely no sense in me staying with someone who doesn’t care enough to help maintain our relationship, while I myself decide to be low-lifed and silly enough to lie to him in sneaking around with other men just because I’m not fully satisfied with him. No one is perfect, but if someone is doing 90-95% or more well in the relationship, you have no justification in complaining. You just want something to complain about, as an excuse to not do your own part. That is, unless they are doing something completely unjustifiable (major), like sleeping around with others behind your back, abusing you or refusing to help support the family and household.

The fault IS one-sided if only one of you is being dishonest, and/or if only one of you won’t communicate openly and honestly. Don’t get into a relationship or exchange of intercourse until you can learn to be honest, open and communicative.

Ded Kitty

Quite frankly my reasons for not cheating on my wife have more to do with self control and not wanting to destroy my little family than my natural predispositions. I don’t consciously control the production of millions of spermatozoids a day that need to end up somewhere eventually, or the production of testosterone. Let’s face it, my natural survival mechanism does that for me on autopilot from the womb to the tomb, unless there’s an unfortunate accident in between. I am naturally predisposed to spray away and can reload and spray again in a relatively short period of time with the same or a different woman or many at once for as long as I can have an erection. I addressed that subject with my wife when we were still dating. And since she still married me regardless, I respect that, I’ve got a mate, not just a wife on paper. Many women take a lot for granted once they are married, and especially after having a child. They figure that “locks” the guy. In your dream it does. I think people need to seriously discuss subjects such as the difference between attraction and love, and what sex life they want to have before talking about marriage. That would solve a good deal of the relationship problems of our day. Back in our grandparents’ days, the woman was pretty much the queen of the house, but was still subservient to her husband most of the time. The guy could go out there and do whatever he wanted without the woman b1tching or being able to do anything about it, and that kept the marriage together. Now that women are working and can be self-sufficient, plus divorce laws that practically ensure that the man is on the losing end most of the time, it is no longer the case. It’s time to get real.

Astorey

Why is monogamy so hard a concept for people?? Are we animals?? Unable to control our impulses?? What of free will?? If we are unable to control the impulse to have sex with just anyone, then why are we able to control the impulse to perform other behaviours?? I’ll put the bottom line out here for those of you who like to spout that cheating is an unavoidable behavior: Cheaters are selfish people who care only for satisfying their own needs at the cost of their partners and sometimes their childrens emotional and mental health. Their is no other explanation or justification for cheating. It isnt because men are wired different (what of the countless women who are cheaters too) or need stress relief?? Who doesnt need stress relief?? Not all of all choose to betray their spouses and families. Choose is the operativ e word here. Cheating is a choice, nothing more. Those of you who think otherwise only delude yourselves.

Reader1984

You know, I have to say that I completely disagree with the broader conclusions of this post, although you point out the correct psychological and socio-cultural factors involved with male infidelity. To a certain extent, your arguments are saying that multiple sex partners are built into the male psyche as naturally as his sex organs, and I just don’t buy it. I happen to side on the NURTURE side of Nature Vs. Nurture debate on a lot things. Took alot of social psychology and other psych classes in college. It’s amazing what we think is “instinctual” when it’s been shoved down our throats from birth to death, or we’ve been exposed to generally. The truth of the matter is that male AND female infidelity has just skyrocketed in the modern world. Back in more traditional cultures and societies, the social norms of the day by and large would ostracize a person for it (yes, there were exceptions, of course, but think about how cultural and religious values have changed or been eroded).

In addition, with the erosion of social and traditional structures like the family, it is expected that both women and men have to find their own way in the world, and the ugly truth of the matter is that women use catching a man by any means necessary (because society no longer frowns on it) as a means of making her way in the world. So in that, I agree. Men have way more opportunities, offers and the environment to cheat. And women who put up with it and also commit it only further the problem. Because let’s not forget, it IS a problem, and not a “natural way” of things.

Maetel22

How about we strip away the cloak of shit that is “God-fearin’ Christian White American values”, and talk about the real stuff. You know, evolutionary biology? How about we have an educated discussion on the psychology of men and women and the natural dynamic between them, and perhaps think critically on the incongruencies between human culture and the tendencies of human beings on the basic level, the Id and the the Super-Ego if you will. Why are we turning this into a theological debate? It has nothing to do with the scary hookee-dookee tiki god that made man from dirt and commanded him to be monagamous. Science has progressed a very long way from the mythology that endlessly inhibits its inclusion into the fabric of culture and society. Xenophobia and obstructionist conservatism will only slow the march to the stars. Understanding the dynamic between the sexes (and different groups of human beings in general) from a logical perspective can help us to end such things as national boundaries, war, famine, and other such travesties caused by the silliness of human pettiness. Ultimately though, no one “belongs” to anyone else. We are all free people, with free minds. Let’s use them.

Miseryhaha

“…men sleeping with several women is as natural a male tendency as becoming a groupie is for females”? WTF? A groupie?

Jim

See, the comments here just prove it… women just don’t get us. Meaning, meaningless, honest, god-lovin or not…. it all makes no difference to us, NONE zero. We guys will do it anyways… even the ones who deny it, even when we can barely face ourselves in the mirror for it! …And you ladies think we can change? You think we could respect you more? That will never happen, we are already doing the BEST that we can. History is filled with honest men, priests, genius’s, and others of varying success… did it stop them ladies? When they had EVERYTHING, and they were actually honest and true 100% of their life until…. that one night… and then those guys were just like the rest of us guys… litttle head first. You ladies secretly love it too… how many of you out there were the ones who took down the guy… you knew he had NO chance of saying no to you… and what happened? It turned you on, then you turned an honest guy to your bedroom, then later in life can’t believe we guys do what you knew we do all along! Its nature, there is no arguing with our bodies design any more then a bear, tiger, or anything else can!

Kww

well from the jack a**’s mouth ladies…you heard it…dump em all…black women seriously if you have thought about dating other races try it…asian men are faithful…I have dated white, indian, asian, latino, etc…but they are men…all men are pretty much a like but black men are the biggest dogs on the planet…because they can be…haha…the men that are the most faithful are the men that are less endowed…haha…but the well endowed me are the biggest cheaters…a study showed that 20% of the men are responsible for the spreading the majority of the STDs…not sure how true that is but I bet you they are all well endowed…my last boyfriend was greek and he was a well endowed DOG…had to drop him he was very intelligent, swexy, etc…but no good…so I am single…for ever …and celibate…dont need sex…just need a drama free life and peace…cant put a price on that.

Guest

STD rates are HUGE in the military community. People stand behind their loved ones getting deployed, you have no idea how many women in my husbands unit came back from Balad Iraq pregnant, and their husband gets the news his wife cheated on him & got pregnant by some other guy.And when soldiers get orders to Japan, the girls in the “honch” at this strip of bars sleep with any guy they can that is American.And a lot of guys get Genital Herpes, because the Japanese girls don’t care to tell them.My spouse is in the military, cheated on me so many times, it is disgusting!You are putting your selfishness in the way of your partners health.Once you give them an STD or AIDS thats IT!

YOU KNOW BETTER!

anne

Go to their commander…the military will still crack down on men that cheat…they always have…but the wife has to complain about it to get something done…been there done that.

Work-in-progress

Interesting, somewhat comical and oddly true to a large extent except…There is a counter to the impulses of cheating for what ever reason you’ve given. Life’s natural impulses are strong, inviting, and mostly rewarding, at least for a brief while. We have an arsenal of negative things to keep us walking the straight and narrow when our conscious and reason fail…prison, fines, STD/AIDS, divorce, financial ruin, kids without parents, credibility, honor, etc. There is the spiritual aspect that precedes what the conscious or reason will encounter before things happen.

Lisa

Wow! This makes me so sad. I can’t believe how many commenters take cheating as given in a relationship. I have been in a relationship with my husband for 10 years and married less than a year. As far as I know, neither of us has cheated. There was the one time we broke up for 6 months and he tried to date a girl, but didn’t get far. I think it helps being with a man that believes in monogomy. It is important to him to be faithful. It also helps that he is somewhat depressed or has low self esteem. Yet, he is nice, good looking, normal weight,and makes a lot of money. Kinda of sad, but it says a lot about some other guys. Sometimes it is better in a relationship the guy does not think he is God’s gift to the world and deserves everything. I think some women are getting what they ask for when they go after very attractive (in all ways) men. If he is attractive to you in a traditional way (looks, money, status, personality), there will be other women trying to get in on that too. Now, if the guy doesn’t believe in monogomy too, then you are asking to get cheated on. It’s that simple. I think women would be better marrying that nice, normal guy that you like a lot than the one you go crazy for.

Kww

You have a lot to learn…a man’s view of monogamy is different than most women…a man can also change. If he believed it at a different time in his life he may not at another. Men go through a change of life…for example…like we women do…their testosterone drops and they feel a need to feel young again due to lowered hormones…they do not realize it but it happens slowly beginning in mid to late 30s typically and then continues until somewhere in their 40s and 50s they are trying to get the youthful energy back and start considering younger women or sports cars, etc…but all most of them need is to supplement their hormones…ladies if you have a good man that has been faithful make sure he is taking herbal supplements like saw palmetto and a good multivitamin and enough protein etc. However herbs will not help a messed up relationship, communication and trust is key and that goes both ways.

Were Joseph and Mary married? She was carrying the child of another “man” when they arrived in Bethlehem. If cheating is good enough for god it’s good enough for me!

Dranon

Right on ! Great post. And their son turned out to be gay, so what? His 12 best friends all guys. Couldn’t get it up for mary magdellin. tell THAT to your christian religious kook friends !

jenfromtheblcok

This article is so dumb, but all these reasons can be applied to a woman. Give me a break, women have fears, stress and opportunities left and right to cheat and some of them do as well. Men are not somehow “weaker” by nature, both genders deal with similar stresses and get temptations and both may or may not cheat. Men don’t deserve some kind of extra pass just b/c they have balls… GMAFB

Here2Stay

Women complain when we became who they train us to be…. I’m not defending cheating, I think it’s prefectly doable and happy to be faithful and I know several wealthy and “good looking” guys that are. But women, take a look at the choices you make, they speak volumes to us and shape our decisions.

Sheilanesteruk

That`s the most depressing article I`ve read in a long time…this guy is trying to be practical and no-nosense like a sociopath explaining why he hurts animals…

Melvinwhitetdk

“Just be the best person you can be, and if your man is a good man who is capable of being monogamous he will be.”I agree with all the points touched upon in the article, but the last sentence needs some editing: If your man is a selfless/practical/faithful man who is capable of being monogamous he will be. To say “good” makes it seem as though all men who are unfaithful are by that standard “bad” men. I’ve met plenty of good guys who were unfortunately bad decision makers.

ThinkAboutIt

I really do think that by “good man”, the author is referring to a man who would be a good mate to have. Anyone who lies to or dishonors his or her mate is not a good mate to have. A good man (good mate) does not pretend to be exclusive with his woman when in reality he is promiscuous. A good woman (good mate) does not pretend to be exclusive with her man when in reality she is promiscuous. Bad men/mates and bad women/mates deceive their partner. At least these are my own opinions.

LilyPad

As a single woman in my forties, never married, and in decent health…I have tired of the relationship “merry-go-round.” While there are certainly those who want monogamy, it seems rare…Now, I just want to enjoy life, work and date…Some women, too, are not desiring just ONE man…Not bad, just the way it is [for many].

Lionmyassoff

Welcome to Society!

AJ13

Thank you for writing this article. I wish that more women understood these things. It’s rarely ever personal when a man cheats, yet so many of us wind up feeling like we failed our men somehow if he goes outside our relationship for sex. My advice is this (if you can, I know that many people have real trouble feeling that this should be allowed): let him do his thing occasionally and DISCREETLY and explain to him that you will also be allowed to do the same. He may not like the idea of you messing around, but if he gets to, you get to. It might even make him less inclined to mess around if he thinks that you might be doing the same. For me personally, I don’t mind my lover being with someone else sexually aslong as I am there and involved. It makes him happy, I know who he’sbeen with, and I get more sex. I am bisexual, so it’s easier for me in that regard. I know not everyone is, or is willing to try, so again, I completely understand if other women go, “oh, HELL no!” to my suggestions.

Since sexually transmitted diseases are a big problem in every community (STDs do not discriminate), make sure you both get tested periodically and make sure he knows to practice safe sex. If my man wants to have sex without a condom, he does it with ME and no one else. It gives us something to keep for ourselves, something that makes our sex special. And if he’s fool enough to break the rules and gives me anything, he better pack up and run and keep running. Otherwise, my gardening shears and I will make sure that he never gives a lady another STD again.

Many great men from the Bible had wives and several women, what is the rationale for different standards now?

Guest

Man’s Greco-Roman law is the rationale. The fact of the matter is that you can’t compare great men from the Bible to men today. Those from the past were grown-up, open, forthright and accountable. These ones today are not great men. They are childish, egoistic game players looking for instant gratification and meaningless entertainment.

Now, a woman who gives her whole self to a man for life is entitled to get a whole man BACK.

Lionmyassoff

Different Countries, different Social standards!

Kww

Oh please…you men can not handle one woman but you always want more…what a freaking joke.

Kww

if that is your real name you must be Nigerian which would explain that primitive comment.

Thomas

Almost all sane and balanced men are polygamous creatures. The fact is that women are never the same on a man’s eyes; from mere walking to talking. A woman can easily entice a man without both knowing and by reflex things can happen moreso for those who have all the criteria.

stdohnoes

What is the overhype on these comments about getting an STD? You know we use condoms when we cheat, right? If that’s really the only issue you have, then we’re fine.

Kww

STD 101-condoms equal safer sex not safe sex…there is no such thing as safe sex McFly.

Guest

hmm seems as if this article is almost promoting adultery especially the “sex as a release” write up. let us not forget that adultery is a sin and no adulterer will inherit the kingdom of God

Leigh

HE IS NOTMARRIED = Hmmm, He is selfish and enjoys instant gratification.

And the author missed Newt Gingrich’s excuse: “BECAUSE I AM SO PATRIOTIC.”

Really. That’s what he said.

Hlizard

Sorry but he missed one more reason: conquest. Being divorced in my fifties (because the WIFE decided to remain with HER boyfriend) it was quite the experience to date again. Most women (and men for that matter) in their 40s and 50s gave up on the calorie counter years ago and are wearing that spare tire, now suddenly realize they’re not so attractive any more and they’re suddenly alone. Having the chance to score some little hottie or else go home to middle aged delerium and another four hours of reality TV, that choice is simple. Although I got to do that as a divorced guy, I can tell you if those chances were there while married, I’d’ve thought long and hard (no pun intended) about them.

Laser Key

”fear. It causes stampedes in a crowded theater, and got Bush elected for a second term” Thanks, I was wondering how that happened. By the way, your display of ignorance will turn people off from reading your stuff, we now know what an idiot you are. The real reason Bush got elected a second term is because America loves oil men, durrr

Mindsweeper

I think is is very different in the black community than it is in most other communities. Black men are more likely to cheat than other races. Pure and simple. Black males rarely ever even stick around to see their children born, or leave soon after they are born. If they don’t want to even help raise their own kids, then why would they want to remain faithful to their wives or girlfriends? White and Latino males may cheat on occasion, but they still stay at home and raise their children. Just the straight facts, I tell it like it is, folks.

Oh, and because we are open and honest about it, we both take precautions so there is no issue about bringing disease into the home. “If you love me you have to have sex with me and me only – YOU OWE YOUR BODY TO ME as the price for being with me.” Awful. Sex is a physical function to which it is our choice what feelings we attach. Sadly, most people are conditioned by religious doctrine to confuse the issue.

PracticeThinking

I respect that you and your partner are open and honest with one another, unlike most. But some obvious questions come to mind. 1) Are you both also honest with the other people you have sexual relationships with? 2) Do you have concurrent long-term relationships with any of the other partners?

Thedeadlydelilah

I love my partner and he loves me…we’ve been together for 14 years, and we both sleep with whoever we want.

Mark Brown

Bottom line…men cheat because they can. It has much more to do with their morals than their partners. If you dont want your man to cheat..sex him up so hard constantly, he can’t.

ThinkAboutIt

Please. Anything is possible with Viagra. I feel certain that my ex (a traveling business man) was a cheater, and he was so sloppy about his business that I was cleaning up one day and found a wrapper on the floor near the trash bin, which I later discovered to have contained a male enhancement pill. The problem is not with women’s inadequacies, it is with some men’s inadequacies. Like gluttony. Any man who has to be “sexed up so hard constantly” in order to force him not to cross his woman has issues beyond her control. The more of these comments I read from men, the more I suspect that men are inherently underdeveloped and unable to discipline themselves on their own, of their own accord, without having to have an overseer and chastity belt. What is it going to take to get them to grow up and exercise self-discipline and honesty?

And if they cheat simply because they “can”, which lots of men on this board suggest, that speaks to their fundamental character flaw that a lot of people don’t share with them. There are a trillion things I “can” do, but if I know they would ultimately hurt, shame or ruin others, and/or contribute to the decadence of society, I don’t do them.

cheatedwoman

The other way to keep men from cheating is to castrate them. It works with dogs, cats, horses, goats and cows. It will work for human males as well. This surgery is something I definitely CAN do. Should I??? What do you think, Mark?

Anne

The latinas and asian women do this quite often…and the men tow the line…lol

I read this article to get a little ‘inside information’. I’m a guy who wants to know what women are thinking.

From my perspective, most of what this article says is true. However, it doesn’t mention becoming involved with a guy who shouldn’t be expected to be faithful. Take for instance Kobe Bryant. Who in their right mind would seriously expect a very young, very rich, very famous, very in shape man to be a faithful husband? And why in the hell didn’t his family, and friends talk him out of getting married in the first place?

This is why he (and similar guys) cheated: they were in relationships when they shouldn’t be.

The same would go for any guy who is very young, dresses flashy, hangs out in clubs, or is generally an ‘exciting’ guy. Guys want to get laid. Period. We generally don’t dress nice because we just like nice clothes, but instead think about what women will think of us. This should be your first clue. Nice dressed guy = guy who wants to get laid. Guy with cool car = guy who wants to get laid. Etc..

So why do women try to pretend these kinds of guys would be good relationship partners? Because they’re dreamers. Magical thinkers. Deniers of the obvious. Suckers. Gold diggers.

Show me a woman who goes looking for a nerd, and I’ll show you a woman who wants a faithful man. Bill Gates? Probably faithful. Melinda Gates graduated as valedictorian from Ursuline Academy of Dallas in 1982 and was the daughter of an engineer. Probably a reality based kind of lady.

So ladies, go ahead and pretend that ‘stud’ is good relationship material. But don’t wonder why you get cheated on by him.

PracticeThinking

“Who in their right mind would seriously expect a very young, very rich, very famous, very in shape man to be a faithful husband?” Someone he promised and vowed to be a faithful husband to, in the presence of his and her family and friends and probably in the name of God (in the name of everything that is). All those traits you mentioned are superficial, shallow and irrelevant. Kobe Bryant puts his pants on one leg at a time just like anyone else. His youth, paper notes, celebrity and body make him no way better than anyone else. Except to groupies (male and female). Whomever he married, he evidently felt that her value was on par with his own, if not greater.

“So why do women try to pretend these kinds of guys would be good relationship partners?” The same reason men try to pretend that flashy women would be good relationship partners. Because they’re shallow. Non-thinkers. Deniers of the obvious (if you could get her, imagine how many more shallow ones could). Suckers. God diggers. And I do mean God, as opposed to “gold”.

Bill Gates has more of the same shallow things you ascribed to Koby, with the exception of youth (though he’s not old). Yet, he has much more of the same, and even better, because he has brains, more money and more fame. So by your argument, he should be the one much more prone to infidelity. If he’s faithful, it’s only because he has better character, more maturity and self-control, and less shallowness. Simple as that.

And please stop pretending that only men who are seen as “studs” or good dressers or fat cats cheat. Bums (physically and financially) cheat just as frequently. Cheaters fall along a very wide and diverse spectrum.

Keith B.R.

Another great post, save 1 fault…: you fail to mention (repeatedly) that, WOMEN cheat on an EQUAL par with men. Why do sooo many women PRETEND that men are un-aware of this fact???

ThinkAboutIt

What are your sources that back up the claim that equal numbers of men and women “cheat”? That COULD be true, but I’m not just going to take your word for it. And secondly, what does that have to do with the subject of why MEN cheat? Men and women aren’t the same. It looks to me like a lot of men want to try and dance around the issue, and turn the tables in order to change the subject. Can we deal with men’s dishonesty?

I’m very disappointed and saddened by how many bad parents there are out there who abuse their children. If I were to write an article about it, you can be sure that lots of people would comment that there are plenty of “bad” children out there as well. “Bad” children are beside the point. I’m not referring to “bad” children, I am referring to good children who are abused by bad parents. But some people will throw all kinds of red herrings into the mix, trying to get out of discussing the point of my article. Why do people do that? Either they think that parents have a right to mistreat their children, or they are afraid that they themselves might be one of those bad parents, and they will do anything to get around facing up to their faults.

No one is pretending anything concerning women. We all know there are scandalous women out there. This article, and this discussion is not about THOSE women. Nor is this article about honest men, though many of us feel certain that honest men do exist. This article is about DISHONEST men who betray the trust of their HONEST, trusting wives/girlfriends.

Lionmyassoff

Ever see the movie: EYES WIDE SHUT; genius!

FromUR2UB

Much of this confirms what I thought I already knew, anyway. The people who say that a man won’t cheat when his woman is on her job, are cheating men and the women with whom they cheat. I think the sense of entitlement that a lot of men seem to feel, probably has more to do with it than anything else. The last reason, “To Get Out”, has to be why some men will even impregnate a woman outside their marriage or relationship. A child changes everything and most women can’t ignore that, even if she’d forgiven him for cheating before. I know a guy who married his high school sweetheart, and then after nearly twenty years of marriage, he cheated with the girlfriend he’d broken up with, before meeting his wife. The old girlfriend had his baby, and that ended his marriage. One might think that since he allowed that woman to come between him and his wife, that she would have become the next woman in his life. But after his divorce he started seeing someone else, and I think she moved in with him. I guess he didn’t have the guts to just tell his wife he wanted out.

PracticeThinking

It’s both the attitude of entitlement and lack of courage. The attitude of entitlement tells them they have a right to have as many women as they want, regardless of how it affects anyone else in the world (including their children), and regardless of the fact that they have neither earned the privilege nor held themselves accountable to any of the women. The lack of courage prevents them from being man enough to communicate honestly about the situation.

bill

California is a no fault divorse state, if you’re nieve to get married in Kalifornia the you can expect to be divorsed, as other men hit on your wife. So Solly

Billy

A womans game is to attrack a man and take him for all she can get.

PracticeThinking

Please stop generalizing. Only a SMART woman’s game is to attracT a man and take him for all she can get. That way, the thing is not one-sided, where he takes her for all HE can get. We still live in a patriarchal society where men live to control and exploit women, but it’s not a 19th century patriarchal society. We’re in a new millennium now, and women are waking up and getting up off the floor from under men’s feet.

Keith B.R.

Ok; time to disagree… The world is no longer (for nearly 20 years) a ‘patriarchal’ society. It is a “Gynochracy”–without question!! When was the last time anyone heard of a man getting a fair deal in a divorce?? …get custody or equal time with his children?? …even distribution of assets?? Gimme a break! These ‘Patriarchal Society’ LIES must stop!!! When was the last time a man claimed sexual harrassment @ work & he wasn’t ostracized by BOTH genders??? Women (literally) get away with murder today!!! I could go on-&-on….

ThinkAboutIt

LOL. So exactly what happened in the 1990s or after that suddenly switched off patriarchy and misogyny? And who is at the head of the gynecocracy? It would have to be a woman. I need a name. And who all is inside her intimate circle of henchwomen? I need names. Does she control the money system? Banking? Finance? Education system? Foreign affairs? Transportation? Labor? The military? Is she behind the most powerful religious systems? Is she a media mogul?

With legal proceedings, justice is blind to gender, and only understands cashspeak, although there are male judges and attorneys who are misogynistic, without a doubt. I know plenty of men who were wrongfully given custody of their children, and I’ve read about others. Children (up to a certain age) belong with their mothers, and only low-lifes want to rip them apart. It is detrimental to both child (especially babies) and mother to separate them, yet that practice goes on every day in the name of the law, all across America. Don’t get me started on that subject. Mothers across America need to pool their resources and file a class action lawsuit in that area. If you want to talk about what was, 20 years ago, that was when men had trouble getting time with their children. In my state, as well as in the state of Michigan where I used to live, fathers are routinely given custody of their children, just because they have more money and thus better attorneys than the mothers they fight in court. In my state (and others), joint custody of children is automatic, regardless of the circumstances. The last time I heard of a father getting equal time with his children is CONSTANTLY. The last time I heard of “alimony”, which seems to me an archaic term, was only in Hollywood.

I don’t know when was the last time a man claimed sexual harassment at work & got ostracized by both genders, but I know I’ve been sexually harassed many times at various jobs, and the guys always got away with it. It’s disgusting, and it goes on all the time. When was the last time you were carrying your spouse’s child, went to work, went to lunch, went to the cafeteria to get something to eat, and some POS behind the counter said to you, “Getting bigger……………..………..especially your chest.” When was the last time you were at work actually working, unlike your harasser, and a woman commented on your outfit, then told you to get up and turn around so she can get a better look? When was the last time you were at work and a woman told you what a nice body you have, but that you just need to do this or that, then you’ll *really* be killing them? And not that it should matter, but I’m not even someone who dresses revealing. *I* could go on and on with examples of on-the-job sexual harassment from men, now that you mention that.

Lionmyassoff

Sorry, I get sexually harassed at work all the time by a obviously immature woman who is married and has children; our restaurant is full of Sexual harassment and drugs!

Anne

Keith…really…men reap what they sow…period…you sow sh!t you reap it…I do not feel sorry for these louses that cheat and then lose it all…most of them should lose it all and get a royal beat down to boot!

Billy Sunday

We are all sinners, no one excepted,

Grant1952

The percentage of couples actually getting married has been falling for a number of years. And, it’s not just men that are deciding to stay unmarried. Why get married if you want to play around. Much more honest that way.

Men make all kinds of excuses to have sex outside of marriage; but if their WIVES offer the same excuses, they lose their minds. It’s a total double-standard.

negotiated?

That’s really the crux behind this whole issue. The article is about “cheating” and it is “male cheating” at that. There might be room for well discussed negotiated infidelity in a marriage or relationship by one or both partners. If men are permitted to roam, women should be as well. The cardinal rules should always be safety such that strangers are never permitted inside the home without knowledge and approval by the other partner and prophylactics are ALWAYS to be used (oral, vaginal and other contacts) by both to insure disease is never brought home to the other. Bringing disease home is grossly irresponsible. Well, men? What do you think of that?

Lionmyassoff

Welcome to America in the 21st century!

Getsmart

Good article. Well worth thinking about. I’m going to shaer it with the women in my life.

JQP1172

I still love all the people who claim, “if you can’t or won’t stay faithful why get married in the first place”. My response, if/when you get married at twenty something as so many do, you truly cannot phathom how long “till death do you part” really is. My point, a man (or woman for that matter) can marry for love and all the right reasons at twenty something and find they are a totally different person 15 years later and monogamy for the remainder of their life is unthinkable. Does that mean he or she should never had been married? Does that mean he or she does not love their spouse? No on both questions. Basically marriage as idealistically defined by the the Ozzie & Harriet era is an outdated concept based on the divorce rate. Men and women need to start to think outside the box or happy & successful marriages where neither party has been divorced will become as extinct as the dinosaurs.

Kww

as long as you tell you spouse how you feel before you take that action so that he/ she can decide if she wants to deal with that…then fine…but you have NO RIGHT to take her choice away or make that decision for her… your choice to cheat can give her a disease that has no cure and leave her…screw her up so she can not free to find someone that will stay faithful…its evil…just evil

heynow

All of these elaborate excuses can be used for women when they cheat too. So please, men, as you co-sign this list and celebrate how it is in your nature to have sex with as many women as possible, please keep that in mind that it is also in your woman’s nature when you find out your little angel wasn’t sitting at home playing the fool and you’ve been raising another man’s child (and also that she’s leaving and taking half).

Hammerthesickle

To the author of the article and the comment board posters, thanks for making me hate black people way more than I did before reading this. Enjoy your 40% high school graduation rate and 70% out of wedlock birth rate. Good luck with that, and enjoy my tax money.

Reading this article basically is a put down to men. These poor little babies aren’t mature enough to handle a relationship. Geesh. What kind of rag is this?

Infinivicta

As I have said so many times to my serial cheater boyfriend, all you men are good for any way is spreading your seed.

ThinkAboutIt

I think there is a huge amount of confusion on this subject. I have read 50 replies, and many of them contain both good and not-so-good statements within a single post. This makes it difficult to “like” the entire post.

The base of the CONFUSION, as I see it, is that most people have a distorted understanding of the concept and behavior known as “cheating”. So they argue endlessly in circles, seldom if ever getting to the root or truth of the issue.

The fact of simply having more than one mate at once is NOT in and of itself “cheating”.

Rather, “cheating” is an issue of clear-cut immorality. Cheating involves immoral ways of being and doing, such as lying, deceiving, manipulating, hiding, keeping secrets, sneaking, and doing something that places another person (or persons) in a position of clear weakness and vulnerability, against their will, all for the benefit of the one doing the cheating. I can have a relationship with more than one person or mate, without doing ANY of the aforementioned dirt. Almost ANYONE can. But cheating is about making a bad choice when an equal opportunity to make a good one is equally present. It involves honesty and communication (or a shirking of honesty and communication). People CHOOSE to make either good or bad choices, and usually bad ones.

Simply wanting/having more than one mate is not in and of itself a bad choice. Lying about it, sneaking to do it, manipulating someone, etc. are bad, immoral choices. Bad choices speak to a person’s character and sensibility (or lack thereof). This is why people who “cheat” are considered scum and oftentimes dumb. Too much scum to be honest, too dumb to communicate and get needs met the correct way.

There is nothing natural about cheating. See definition above.

It is entirely natural to desire sex, and even to desire relations with more than one person. Mentally and physically healthy men naturally desire relations with multiple women. But common human decency and morality dictate that such needs should be fulfilled in an honest way, and in a disciplined manner, not by cheating or being sexually indiscriminate.

If were were living by righteous practices, living by Universal Law, rather than by seriously flawed, man-made rules, laws, religions and unnatural sexual practices/dysfunction, we would evolve. As of now, we are devolving. If things were being done correctly, the best-developed men, cultured men who are “husband quality”, would be paired with the best-developed women (even if that means 100 men to every 150-200 women). These are men who are not cowards (see “fear” in the article), men who don’t see their myriad “options” as a free-for-all, etc. Those who are culturally underdeveloped would be left alone, sexless, and would necessarily be forced to figure out what self-development they must undertake in order to be considered mate-able.

Keith B.R.

I do not believe in ‘cheating’, &–I never will. Great post! I don’t think there is a single post of yours that I disagree with–in any way. There is NEVER enuff ‘intellectual honesty’ in conversations such as these, which address such a volatile issue. KUDOS to you!

ThinkAboutIt

Thank you. By “I do not believe in ‘cheating’, I think you mean that you don’t believe in being deceptive with your intimate partner, or betraying their trust. Neither do I. I’ve never understood cheating, because I’ve never understood selfishness.

The reason men cheat is because the fur burger is like Doritos, you can’t eat just one!

Cheats Alot

I cheat because I can! There is always a broad willing to give it up and there is always a broad willing to put up with it. Besides it’s only cheating if your in a 50/50 relationship, if the guy is paying the bills and everything, she will have to decide on giving up the car, house and other nice things or letting the man give his little bit of poon on the side! Guys, get the prettiest, most fine, dumb girl you can find and you will always win!

damn , lol , youll never come across a real woman . you know how to pick the victims I see.

mmdccbslm

OK, THIS IS HOW i REALLY FEEL.

THIS ARTICLE IS TOTAL B***S***!

Daisy Mae Scragg

It’s a fact of life that women cheat on their spouses and sweethearts just as much as men do and for the same reasons–plus some not mentioned here. In fact, you could take this article and replace the gender references with feminine instead of masculine, and the article would be just as true. So, before you go blaming men for everything wrong in a relationship, look in the mirror.

By the way, I doubt that these are the primary reasons why men–or women–cheat on their spouses or significant others.

Keith B.R.

AWESOME post!!! Finaly some TRUTH amongst the LIES!! I am 50 & of ALL the men I hav been around–my ENTIRE life, I hav only known/suspected/been-made-aware-of, 2 males who were cheaters, yet, I hav known of dozens of females who cheated on their men & were (typically) “loud-&-proud” about it. This article, as are sooo many others–is such B.S.!!!

Dsbsky

Should change the name to (9 Inconvenient Truths About “Black Men” & Cheating).. Sorry but this looks like an ethnical survey to me. I mean all of the pictures are of black people as well. And from my experience living in a community with a lot of ethnicity, yes it is true, black men cheat, A LOT…. The reasons are no where near as noble as this bogus survey would lead you to believe though. Truth is half of them think it’s ok to film themselves with their friends, while they practice humping armchairs and post it on youtube. This is normal?Point is.. They act like animals and treat women like animals most of the time. They have little to no respect for women, mostly stemming from a bad relationship with their mothers. That’s what happens though when parents take as little interest as possible in their childrens upbringing. Same thing can be said for % of blacks in jail. Lack of bringing = lack of morales = what do you expect?

Greenluke88

The problem with women is that they come to sites like this, form little hen’s clubs, and titter back and forth trying to develop myths that redefine men as animals and women as superior beings. In the end you just create this echo chamber that causes self-reinforcing fear of men and relationships, that then causes you to be an unattractive woman for a man and you get your crazy a$$es dumped. In short, you cause your own problems.

Jess

Actually, I’m fairly certain the person that wrote this article is a MAN

Jess

BTW, way to project blame on to other people. Taking responsibility for the fact that you are imperfect and have your own problems as anyone else does is a part of being an adult.

Guest

and you come to sites like this to blow off steam because a women did you in.

herc

Please ladies, do not forget that for every man who cheats, there is a woman cheating with him (or another man, and possibly more than a single male or female).

Wpace

Every survey ever conducted reveals that men are happier and more sexually satasfied when monogamous. This “article” is pure fiction. The idea than men are primally hard-wired to cheat is patently false. There are many species of animals who are strictly monogamous. While it is true than men cheat for a variety of reasons, these 9 “truths” anything but.

The title of the article did grab my attention and caused me to read the article which was the intent.

cheatedwoman

I actually love the situation for ostriches. The male builds a nest and woos as many females to shag as he can. Each female then lays her fertilized eggs in his nest a few days later and saunters off, leaving the male to raise all the chicks hatched completely unassisted by any of the females. Bravo! That guy has definitely earned his honey and male ostriches do a good job raising the chicks until they’re old enough to be independant.

AmenToThat

I think I want to reincarnate as a female ostrich. I deserve it after all this madness and lack of balance.

One thing you forgot: men cheat if their male friends think its ok; if theyre discouraged by their male friends, they wont do it, or risk alienating themselves or having their friends out them; though that only works in cases where they tell their friends. but even just attitudes count; if one friend is a “player”, or is cheating, a guy might start to get competitive, try to throw conquests in their face. its stupid, but hard to overcome without the right attitude and ethics. and please, marriage does NOTHING to increase fidelity, most of the people i know who cheat (male AND female) are married, and most people in “practice” relationships, as you put it, or REAL relationships as i put it, dont cheat as often, because they get to CHOOSE who theyre with; theyre not contractually obligated to be with that person, they want to be. getting married to quickly or to the wrong person is one of the main reasons people cheat.

Catastropherus

Is it just me or every photo of a man I saw here was that of a black man? Are white men that faithful?

of course not, I’m just looking at the photos. LOL

But concerning cheating (as in having sexual relations), men will always be more prone because they are the ones “conquering”, which is probably why women are not as likely to cheat as men. Being the one “invaded”, the one “receiving” stuff from someone else (unless gay, lol), is something men will not understand. Getting pregnant is also something men don’t experience, something men do not have to fear. Men will never know the agony, the pain, nor joy of pregnancy. If men can conceive, even just once, ha ha – the world will know far less cheating.

From a guy.

Me

Why do men get bored and all the other nine reason they are not faithful yet they expect the wife or girlfriend to be yet they think they can do as they please they old adage “one can look but do not touch” but women now are acting as a man does and they family situation is BADDDDDDDDDDD

Okaaaay then.. wow this author is a bit of a freak?Well I’d say it depends on the morals of the individual MAN. So this article says a LOT about the person who wrote it, but mostly only about them.

The Ugly Truth

OK, I will provide a different perspective on this topic than most of the posts here. As a man who has dated different kinds of women, I find that women are actually attracted to men who are liars, and the better the lies, the more attracted women are to him. Virtually every single woman looks for that very untangible quality called “chemistry” with a guy, and they expect to find it very quickly with the first few dates. Yet chemistry is not something that developes quickly, it evolves over time, as you become comfortable with each other and learn about each other’s quirks and habits. However, many women put guys they have known for a long time and has this kind of chemistry in “the friend zone”, which is a very awkward position for any guy to be in: to be in proximity to a woman he likes yet also knowing that intimacy is never possible. Many women “fall” for the guy whom they feel a spark with after the first few dates, thinking this is a dream relationship come true, but this kind of fast chemistry is almost always false. There are men out there who are very good at reading people, and consequently, they are very good at developing false chemistry with women with outright lies. Bottom line is, if a man is honest and really likes you, you won’t feel that “immediate” chemistry because he’ll be nervous and awkward for at least a few weeks after you start dating, and this nervousness will be very obvious because an honest man would not be able to hide it as well as liars. Unfortunately, that kind of awkward behavior is also a big turn-off for most women, as it is the opposite image of the confident, masculine identity that most women prefer.

Really.please.

I keep reading about all of this “mother nature” crap. Humans are human for a reason. I’d say we’re smarter than our furry friends, more “evolved”. So what? We’ve evolved but we still can’t control ourselves? But killing is bad! Animals do that too! I also notice that it is the MAN who always uses this excuse. What about me? If what you say is true, I should be out making babies with whoever I can. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that men will look and fantasize about other women (just like most women would :O). I’m just fed up reading about things that men think make them special or exempt from being faithful if you are indeed in a loving, mutually faithful relationship (you know, they actually take WORK). It isn’t impossible. People just have to believe in it first. Not in all of these other reasons to not be true to someone.

Jeanne

There is a final justice for men who cheat. They frequently end up alone, while the woman who are fed up with them, find solace in another woman, whom they find they CAN trust. Unlike most men, who are crazily homophobic..a woman have proven more flexible, and if men finally disgust her, she can change direction in midstream, so to speak. They can find a female partner, and there might or might not be sex..but the pair bond is there. This means they’re more likely to have a companion in their old age, while the men just keep banging their heads stupidly against a wall. Yup, women are finally wising up. The real breakthrough will come when women no longer bother with men at all. They are timewasters.

Greenluke88

Yawn. Quit trying to normalize your own deviance. Women love men and hate other women. Women look to other women when all other options are exhausted.

ThinkAboutIt

While I understand your sentiment and frustration, there is no “might or might not be sex” in a woman-woman relationship. Two vaginas can’t have sex. Sorry. But yes, I understand your frustration with cheating men, definitely.

When I opted toread this article I knew that it would be unpleasant but I wanted to see if theauthor’s views supported a personal view that I have been observing over thelast few years.

As the years goby I am noticing more women opting to date other women even if for the majorityof their lives they dated only men and did not consider themselves bi sexual orlesbians. Many more are turning away from relationships all together opting forcloser ties with female friends only even if these relationships do not involvesex.

I believe thisis happening because each and every day women are bombarded with articles (suchas the authors) and television shows depicting just how unpredictable, unstableand untrustworthy men have become.

Now top that offwith the ever more articles and televisions shows telling women how they shouldand should not look (which is becoming more ridiculous by the year). How manyarticles have you come across just in the last few days asking “ Is he cheating– how to find out”, “10 signs he may be cheating” or “how to cheat proof yourmarriage.” Can you blame women for slowly but surely saying ENOUGH, keep him I’lltry my luck on the other side.

Though manyarticles and especially television shows proclaim female relationships to befraught with envy and vapid catty behavior (Housewives of countless cities) Ibelieve the honest truth is that more women are finding comfort, understandingand trust amongst one another now more than ever before.

I believe a fundamentalshift has occurred within “western” society and culture where women especiallythe younger generation have realized that men cannot and should not be dependedupon and sadly should not be trusted with such vital things as family.

From aneducational stand point more women are attending college than men today than inany other time in history, so the days of happy naïve housewives who areclueless as to what is going on in the world are gone.

From an economic standpoint LESS women are losing their jobs than men in today’s age of highunemployment so gone are the days of the naïve wife who has no idea how tobalance a check book or how much her husband makes.

From the standpoint of science, men are no longer needed to conceive a child and points A andB take care of the rest when it comes raising said child.

The author ofthis article strengthens my view that men have become more of a risk andliability for women and they are opting out.

And yes, morewomen are cheating too. But again, as women are slapped in the face daily withhow lucky they are to have a man and how they really must accept cheating canyou blame them. Can you blame women for becoming more conscious of how toobtain wealth and protect it instead of becoming happy little homemakers?

I suspect thatwithin two decades the tides will turn and science will suddenly proclaim howwomen are simply not suited toward monogamy, and more articles geared towardmen on “how to keep your wife interested.”

PracticeThinking

Interesting perspective, and I think you are onto something. However, you can’t just blame everything on media. While media plays a role, so does experience. Have you noticed how many men these days say that they don’t want women depending on them, that women should not depend on or rely on them for anything. That women should stop being so gullible. That women should stop believing in them when they lie to the women.

There is a woman I know of who is in her 40s, whom a male friend and I saw and heard ranting about some dirt that was done to her by a man whom she trusted. I felt empathy for her, but my male friend called the woman crazy and said she is too OLD to be so naive. I thought, wow, now there is a cutoff age for putting your trust in someone with whom you agree to share your time, heart, and life? By his attitude, that male friend let me know that he is by no means a future dating prospect for me.

I value trustworthiness/sincerity and character in a man more than sex, financial stability or anything else. I always have. So if trustworthiness and character are lost virtues of the past, that men no longer bring to the table, honestly what is left BUT platonic friendship? With honest, trustworthy women, that is.

Shellyness420

Well maybe if women took their equal rights for once and realized that men aren’t on this planet to take care of your every need and devote every second to you (Translation: stop being so selfish) then they may be more likely to stick around. Not to mention it’s always personal with women. You come home from a long stressful day at work and the next thing you know, “What’s wrong why do you hate me do you think I’m FAT?? Because women are insane.. that’s why no man wants to stick around. If you could just chill out…

Really.please.

Well, if you think about if for a second… women often act “crazy” because of things like oh, I don’t know, this article? I mean really, how could a woman “just chill out” if she always had to worry that she wasn’t good enough. Talk about a lose-lose situation. If she wasn’t crazy you wouldn’t cheat, but shes crazy because she doesn’t want you to cheat.

Greenluke88

Because at the root of fear over cheating is deep seated insecurity. Women that allow “articles” like this to let them believe all men are horrible and the sky is falling then just try to control everything and everyone out of fear, which makes them crazy, and absolutely intolerable to be around. As was said….just chill out.

Jess

If that’s truly how you feel, then feel free to not be with a woman and get your gay on. We don’t want you anyway. Life is hard enough without having to deal with constant hostility like yours in ANY relationship, friendship or sexual.

Kww

I hope you spend as much time with your lady as you do trolling the internet…

Jess

In the words of late Richard Pryor: “Men are stupid and women are crazy, and women are crazy because men are stupid.” Straight from the “horses mouth” so to speak LOL

Nero

at 88 I have been faithful to first love as she has. What people do not understand that men are desighned to breed as many as possible,women were dsigned to perpetuate the spece. The desire to cheat is always there.Society has re designed women to be always“in heat” in order to satisfy their man. To have a good family life a person has to control their urges,we are different than animals, accept that and enjoy the last decades of life. I somtimes thinkMaybe I should have cheated .

Aven1

This doesn’t require so much thought. Humans, just like the vast majority of all animals, are not designed for monogamy. We don’t mate ‘for life’ and that’s why we are attracted to more than ONE partner. Social engineering and church dogma can’t cancel out the millions of years of natural instincts to sow your seed in as many fertile valleys as possible. That’s why men and women do whatever they have to in order to get attention from the opposite sex, artificially attached or not.

Greenluke88

Ok cool, so you want to live your life as an animal. If you could please wear a nametag or something to ID yourself in public so that the rest of us humans can avoid you we’d appreciate it.

Jess

Actually, um, no. From an anthropological perspective, species which exhibit a monogamous lifestyle (an humans aren’t the only ones) have a much higher success rate in survivable offspring growing to adulthood. The more intensive the caregiving of the offspring and involved the parents are with its rearing, the more likely it will live to procreate its own and perpetuate the gene inheritance (like frogs who hatch their young and leave them to fend for themselves have to lay a multitude of eggs in order for a reasonable amount to survive, not the case with humans) Also the monogamous relationship helps assure the male that the offspring is indeed his and helps aid in him spending more time to assure that offspring’s success. Monogamy is, in the end, better for spreading your DNA than a wide sexual circle.

Nothanks

Why are all the pictures of men in the article black men??

NewGawker

this site is geared towards black people.

Kww

Then why are all the female pics in the article of white women?

Libby

Would you be asking if they were all white??

GT

This article talks about the inside of a man’s head… but it’s obvious the author has never been there.

The statistic that most men have cheated at some point is not the same as saying “he’s probably cheating on *you* right now.” Also, it’s being pretty damn rude to the other 40% of us that you’re trying to land as a mate. Nothing like insulting someone when looking for a relationship. Being suspicious for no reason can destroy a good relationship.

Also don’t forget that women are almost as likely as men. So get off the high-horse that this is somehow a problem with men. It’s a problem with humans, and not all of us.

That said, dump the $@#% if he cheats on you, and don’t look back.

marabi

Hi I have been in a relationship for two year’s. In the begaining i didn’t know we where in the realationship. I told him lets just be friends first he said no he’s not looking for a friend he is looking for a wife. Make it short I cheated on him but i didnt plain that, my ex-friends started getting in the middle of it by telling him that I am no good for him, that she’s a 110 that she can do better for him then I can. She started telling him lies, calling him. Yes its my fault for telling her my problems but thats why we are no longer friends are talking but she still texting him he dosen’t answer back he don’t like her at all. But it’s been two years and he still don’t trust me but he’s talking about wanting to get married in Feb. 2012. I feel between now and then it’s not going to happen. We have done alot for ea other but i am thinking that because i dont bring a lot to the table its a deal breaker

East of Eden

I like how you brought up the very good point about women not wanting men who don’t have $$$. If I rent a flashy car, wear a nice out fit and take someone out to a nice restaurant, the changes are high that a lady will see me as more desirable when I’m a fraud!

Hard for a guy fending for himself, with no family to help him out! Even with a job, degree, good looking and a kind heart. It’s a dirty world and it goes both ways, we as men have to work on treating our women better so we are no victims.

East of Eden

Sorry for the typos in this mini-rant. Typing too quickly, don’t want the boss to appear and eat me alive.

Julie L

All of these reasons apply to women who cheat also. It is 100% ego and has nothing to do with love.

Pat

You can tell that a man wrote this. That’s why we have HIV/AIDS destroying the black community, Keep it up, you will sleep yourselves until there is no one left.

PracticeThinking

No such thing as HIV/AIDS. HIV and AIDS are two different things. But I don’t doubt that the self-gratification disease will be the destruction of mankind.

Broweramandae

This article is the single most offensive piece of trash I have read this year. EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES! Men do naturally tend to be driven by sex, but it is perfectly attainable to be faithful to your spouse. This “I’m a man and can’t help it so please learn to deal with it” attitude really bothers me. It’s a cop-out and any REAL man can be faithful to his spouse, they’ve been doing it for hundreds of years. Why do we let carnality rule us? Where is the virtue in that? It is beyond tragic that society has led us to believe that adultery is ok, accepted and even inevitible in life today! Sick and wrong, sick and wrong!

Jess

Bothers me too. Its not some uncontrollable urge they have thats different from women or something, they are just excusing themselves from responsibility of their actions. I’ve known Buddhist monks who have been celibate all their lives and do not regret it or feel shortchanged. They seem to do just fine with their choice, though its hard I’m sure. It makes the accomplishment worthwhile though as its not a strictly male trait but a HUMAN one.

Cristalposh

then explain something to me if being monogamous is soo uncouth why does every time a person cheat sooner or later it comes out into light if having more than one partner is soo good and normal why is it then taboo to society… i dont get it

Lies

I had a boyfriend cheat on me because he blamed me for his divorce! Go figure!

Ohyesshedid

I had a boyfriend cheat on me because he blamed me for his divorce! Go figure!

Greenluke88

No he cheated on you because you weren’t a woman that he respected.

tasha

i know plenty of BROKE men who cheat.

MauriceMorphy

MARY SAID IT ALL, THATS THE BEST COMMENT

Fed_Up18

If “you haven’t discussed monogamy”, then you can’t call it “cheating.”

heidi

Yes, you can. You’re just too cowardly to admit it.

Mary

If guys want to go by their instincts and cheat ,fine but when they’re old and gray they’ll realize that they missed out on the best part of a good solid marriage; a woman’s heart.You have to work to earn the trust of woman such that she’ll open her heart to you. There’s nothing like it, but cheaters wouldn’t know about that. Women do not open their hearts to cheaters, and nor do they respect them completely either,which might explain why men are regarded as little boys in cultures where cheating is rife.

stechatte

Um…guys don’t care about your precious litto’ hearts. We can have daughters for that. What we want is you to pick up after us, cook for us, pretend to be interested in what’s important to us, and shower us with ego boosts. Well, add to that, stay fit and attractive. Do all that, and we’ll never ever cheat on you. Fail to do that, and we’ll bang everything that moves.

Really.please.

You, shouldn’t be having daughters. Or procreating at all for that matter.

Yes because we should all believe conspiracy theories from lunatic extremists like you who spout off hate speech. Whatever dude, your credibility looks like swiss cheese its so shot full of holes in the advice department. ROFL

To be brutally frank, it’s not complicated, it’s because SIS! Sex Is Sweet, (but also addictive) so, it seems like something that you could do in a few minutes and forget about it, but no such luck. So we need a very good reason for not indulging, when it’s right THERE, for free! So you’re really asking why men don’t heed the hundreds of very good reasons for indulging every opportunity. Truth, it’s addictive!

FLeFlore

Sorry to burst your fantasy bubble, but sex aint always sweet. Sometimes it’s downright awkward and uncomfortable (at least for some of us women). We know every man won’t be compatible or a right fit for us. We also know a lot of things can happen that turn us off — bad breath, bad hygiene, lack of intimacy. Once you’ve had sex enough over time, a penis becomes just a penis if there is nothing else for some women like me to feel connected to, or a person’s character that a woman can respect. Sometimes, people want to flee as soon as it’s over and often may not want to have another encounter with someone.

Likewise, men delude themselves if they think every sexual encounter is going to be sweet and glorious with any and all women.

MissPretty

This is ridiculous. There are always so many posts on here that continue to perpetuate this negativity. This article is almost justifying men cheating by saying that it is against a man’s nature to be faithful. If a man cheats who cares why he did it- just dump him and move on to someone who is ready to treat you right. It’s up to women to take some responsibility, stop putting up with this crap, and stop messing around with men that are already taken. We can never move forward until we start demanding the best for ourselves.

bored

This was a really boring article. Nothing new. I’m a woman and I have friends that have cheated, I see their lives and wonder “Why do you even bother to be with that person?” You can love someone so much, but sometimes that isn’t enough to be happy. What about why women cheat? They are looked down more if they do it and it comes with a lot of “psychological” issues behind it. But men do it because they have an opportunity? Because they didn’t have a talk at the beginning of the relationship, “we’re only sleeping with each other?” Maybe they aren’t getting things they want.

Now, how about lying, cheating and violent women? What’s the most times a woman has been a virgin? Strategies for pushing dad out of the life of your children. ….

Ireneaq

what whether she’s a virgin or not got to do with cheating??

Sannafae

How do i find a man who will be faithful? The answer is easy, the man has to be evolved. Many people aren’,t thats the problem, especially men…we aren’t animals, having to go around and have a roll in the hay with everyone we meet..that’s animal behaviour, so if the man is unevolved and behaves like an animal, you shouldn’t waste your time either. Good luck 🙂

Jamie

Both men and women cheat and there are many reasons, some of these above are very vaild – for BOTH sexes. In my life I have seen a woman cheat because her husband was bad in bed or he wasn’t well endowed enough and she needed to understand what it felt like to really be made love to. I have seen men cheat for similar reasons, something like it’s always the same with her or she won’t do this or that with him. In my objective point of view, on both sides, male and female, all of these people married people who weren’t their perfect match – in other words they setteled for something less than they should of. So, my humble advice to maintain fidelity in a relationship is that one needs to choose someone who is everything to them, then work to keep the flame alive and never put restrictions on sex, love or conversation.

guest

No one person can be everything to another. It’s not possible. At the end of the day, you need to be happy with yourself first. No one can make you happy. In that sense, everyone “settles”. Cheating or not cheating is a choice plain and simple.

Kenendy Chidi

it cannot stop because thats the true nature of both men and women.the best thing is to make laws that will support polygamy..as an alternative instead of the rampant cheating that characterize our society today.

Greenluke88

This is not sub-saharan Africa, man.

PracticeThinking

Nor is it east Africa, Australia, Salt Lake City Utah or Tibet–all places where polygamy has been and in many cases still is practiced. In fact, more than 80% of societies in the world have at some point practiced polygamy as a recognized and accepted family institution. There is no need for ignorance and stereotyping, nor any need for new laws, because people are going to engage in polygamous situations (outside of the law) regardless, until the end of time, no matter what laws are in place, or not. No matter their culture or nationality. Laws are not what are needed. Personal accountability is what is needed. And it is NOT natural for ANYONE to cheat (be dishonest). It is also unnatural and against the laws of nature of a female mammal, for a woman to seek multiple men as sexual partners. Women NATURALLY go for quality, not quantity.

JustinNY

I like the one about once a year. its true, as far as STD’s go thats why there are massage parlors. Seeing all the coments makes me want to go and feel good for once not a nagging, complaining, wife who feels like she deserves the world but really doesn’t do anything…..you all like to feel treated well. so do men, you stress us out we go bet one off, come back and be all yours.

Jess

Can most certainly still contract hepatitis and genital warts from a “massage parlor”. Don’t be so naive. There is no sex act you can perform which is STD risk free other than masturbation of self dude. Sounds like you might need to swing by the Health Dept for a screening soon. BTW- I have three jobs and pay my own bills, no one waits on me hand and foot, esp not my boyf. And I like it that way.

Dnaqueen

Men and women cheat for one reason and one reason only: They choose to!! Regardless of the circumstances that led up to the moment of opportunity when it came down to whether or not to do it, they made a conscious decision to violate their partner’s trust, and in the case of marriage, their marriage vows.

Bob

There is one more very important reason I don’t see on this list. Perhaps the most important reason–You. You changed. You got boring. You got fat. When you two first started dating, you were hot! You shaved your legs every day. You worked out. You were thin and adverterous and wild. You had sex in the car. You were both excited about trying new things. Now look at you. You’re overweight. You don’t shave your legs every day. You don’t work out like you used to. You don’t have sex in the car. Sex is more routine than spontaneous or exciting. You got dull.Now don’t get me wrong, he has his faults too… not romantic like he used to be, not as fit, not as interesting, etc. And he has his share of the blame. Most of it really. But consider this: perhaps the best question is not “why does he cheat?” Perhaps a better question is “what have you done to keep him from cheating?” Because seriously, what have you done to keep him interested after all this time?

JustinNY

wow you said it. life is a 2 way street

Guest

Bob — Women don’t have time to babysit men. The beauty of it is that women who are confident in themselves know that someone else’s behavior is not about them. Such women do “natural consequences” for men who have felt entitled enough to mess over them (good women). Once they have betrayed us in a major way (or after a series of irresponsible actions that make us lose respect for a man), we can fall out of love with them and begin to treat them like they are not important — and it won’t be an act! We no longer want sex with such men once we’ve moved on mentally and physically. Yet we can call them for any favor, whether a household chore or for money, and they will do whatever we want. Interesting that these same “unfaithful” men become little puppy dogs when a woman who was once loving and good to them no longer gives a sh-t.The men might try dating again and often never find as good a relationship that they messed up because of their cheating. Variety is one thing, but fairness is more important to women like me — I don’t like men making decisions for me or taking away my options by lying. Tell me (if you want to date others) and let me decide what I want to deal with or not.

A lying and deceitful person can become such a turn-off, and once a woman no longer views the man as special, she can flip the script.What some men don’t realize is that some women can forgive a person, but mentally detach to the point of not wanting to be bothered. I have two men from my past who I can call and make requests for anything — and I don’t even have physical relationships with them, by my own choice. Once a good woman is turned off, she can be cold as ice — not mean per se; just simply not interested anymore, making it possible to view a man in a non-sentimental way. Men need a healthy dose of reality to remind them they can be discarded (and replaced) when they mistreat someone who has been loyal and decent to them.

Justencayse

Absolutely WoW!

I searched my memory trying to remember when I wrote that response, and then I realized someone else wrote it!

What a powerful selection of the absolute TRUTH.

I dumped two males about 20 years ago, I don’t stay in touch with them because they’re married, but they continue to contact me every six months or so because they want to know how I’m doing. I have absolutely no feelings for either of them and could care less if they fell off the face of this earth, yet I can email either one of them for emotional, “spiritual”, or financial assistance, a favor, or advice and they’d run to me with no questions asked.

You were off the chart with this response!

Greenluke88

Wow…you are a really strong, empowered woman (rolls eyes)

Hibernia86

If you are just ordering your men around, why would they want to be with you? You need to grow up and take care of your own chores and money.

Jess

I don’t really think thats what she was saying. Just that those men did care about the relationship enough with her that they would still attempt to salvage it with her if she gave them an indication that she would want that. She didn’t say she accepts those favors, just that they were available to her still, she made it quite clear that once she is betrayed in a relationship she no longer emotionally invests in it bc its too risky. This is how many many women are. If you hurt us, we become emotionally detached for self preservation.

Greenluke88

That works both ways sister. And while you may think that women are currently empowered…those days are rapidly diminishing. A generation of women are about to find themselves heavily indebted, barely employable, unattractive marriage candidates, and without help when they get pregnant. Precisely because of attitudes like yours.

Jess

WOW, hate speech much? Don’t start threatening women’s rights to Americans ok? We take that pretty seriously and I’m sure you would find that your side of the argument would have slim pickings in support for you in that ball game. Reality check: I’m most certaiinly not barely employable or unintelligent, fairly positive that I’m above average attractiveness, and don’t owe a dime to a soul (don’t even own a credit card), plus there is such a thing called birth control that helps you decide when youre ready to have kids and not an “oops”. You were on a stereotype roll there weren’t you? LOL

PracticeThinking

So then, having an attitude of “I don’t accept being deceived and betrayed by someone to whom I showed love, respect and honesty and treated as special. If he treats me the opposite way in return, it’s over for good” means the woman will wind up “heavily indebted, barely employable, unattractive as a marriage candidate” and “without help” once/if she conceives a child? Wow. Interesting mathematics.

PracticeThinking

This is the best comment I’ve read in this whole discussion. Better than the article, too. Thank you.

Kww

I agree…she nailed it…smart men should read it and believe it!

Kayleec

you too have changed. You have a pot belly and are balding…what???? Perhaps it is more about the person than their appearance. Older, richer, heart condition. that way if it does not work out you at least are financially stable.

Agent00soul

This is the best response I’ve heard. I don’t cheat on my wife but I’m tempted… sleeps all day and talks all the phone all the time and when she does have sex she just lays there.. boring boring and more boring.. I am a good man but she does not appreciate a good man. I’m sure their are many man dealing with this same problem. I don’t want to cheat and people would say “Why don’t you leave” would like my marriage to last but she is slowing sending me in the cheating direction.

Really.please.

So why don’t you communicate with your wife instead of giving up completely? You want it to work, but instead of mentioning that maybe she needs to step it up, you’re on the path to cheating? A weak mans words. It takes two. Maybe she also doesn’t feel a spark anymore, and therefore doesn’t feel the need to be exciting. It’s OK to look at yourself and see what you can do to be a better husband. Your efforts may entice her to do the same.

Jess

LOL What have I done to keep him interested? Not morph my identity as a person into his. I can’t stand it if someone asks me “Where’s Mike?” When I go to a party, as if I’m not awesme enough on my own. You have to retain your personal views of what “self” is and not become “psuedo self” in dependence of him. Otherwise the relationship is not challenging on any level and the person gets bored. No one wants a tumor for a bf/gf/wife/husband

It is my conviction that infidelity at its root is a cowardly and selfish action. I personally possess no need of a partner who, for whatever reason, elects to commit an act of infidelity. If my current partner is tempted to stray or has already decided to, I would forever be in his debt if he was honest with me and shared his desires to stray rather than inform me after the fact. If my partner no longer considers me desirable or wishes to pursue other opportunities, I will not begrudge him that opportunity. We simply do not need to be a couple any longer. Why do some people feel justified in behaving so recklessly with the hearts and emotions of their loved ones? If you’re fed up, bored or whatever it is your obligation as a responsible human being to own up to your feelings and allow your partner to pursue their romantic lives happily without being deceived or cheated on. Who knows, perhaps the partner you are so bored of or fed up with feels the same way about you?…

Sadly, most women will not take heed to the warnings in this article and stick to their old thinking of “if he cheats, he’s a dog, etc..”. Many women are being cheated on, but delude themselves into believing their man is faithful. Protect yourself by using condoms every time. Most men are not going to admit that they cheated and you can’t blame us, knowing how women usually react to such news. Stop putting your life in someone else’s hands just because you want to believe he’s monogamous.

Jadon

“Most men are not going to admit that they cheated and you can’t blame us, knowing how women usually react to such news.”

That is a situation that you can be blamed for. How someone reacts to news is no reason not to admit to infidelity. Whether you are a man or a woman. The reason people react badly to “such news” is because it was a wrong thing to do in a monogamous relationship. If you are a cheater, admit it in the beginning. If they are fine with it then lucky for you. If not, then you should find someone that is fine with it or don’t do it. Not admitting to cheating is just cowardly and hurts everyone.

MissPretty

That’s crazy. If I am married to someone we are not using condoms. If you are with someone that you feel a need to do that with you shouldn’t be married to them! I don’t understand why this is so difficult for people. Relationships have to be built on trust, not lies.

PracticeThinking

I’m sorry, but those are Utopian ideals. I constantly hear or read men saying that the woman was foolish or naive for trusting her man.

I’ve never had a problem with using condoms. I would have no problem using them with my husband if it means peace of mind, security and safety for me. Crazy is mindlessly putting your life in someone else’s hands just because they signed a marriage license, if you ask me. Just because that piece of paper means something to you, doesn’t mean it means the same thing to him. These days, “trust” is synonymous with “foolish gullibility”. I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is.

Justencayse

Whoops!

PracticeThinking

Your points about not being naive and deluding oneself are good. Your comment that “you can’t blame us, knowing how women usually react to such news” is an immature cop-out and indicates cowardice. You either choose to be a man and stand up for and face what you are about, or you wind up getting seen and treated as less than a man. It is the childish lies that is the worst thing, the insulting of our intelligence, not the honesty. I teach my children that you will suffer the worst of consequences for telling a lie to me, and it is much safer to be mature, honest and responsible and let me know if you have done something wrong or of which I would not approve. That’s just about having character, respect and so many other positive things. Being a decent human being is really not as difficult as many men try and make it seem. Or maybe it’s just more difficult for some.

Lucky

“A mortgage, two kids, a car note, a demanding wife, and career is a lot of weight for any man to carry.”

Just don’t forget:

“A mortgage, two kids, a car note, a demanding *husband*, and career is a lot of weight for any *woman* to carry.”

alldawg

“A mortgage, two kids, a car note, a demanding *husband*, and career is a lot of weight for any *woman* to carry.”

Thank you feminism for taking a load of a mans back…

Greenluke88

Women create their own problems out of thin air. While the men are working hard to take care of their family, women are working hard to take care of themselves.

Jess

Yep thats right, this woman is working hard to take care of myself….with two jobs, my own house, my vehicle paid off and a fantastic life. A man should only be the cherry on top…not the whole friggin sundae in your life. I’m certainly not creating problems out of thin air

I guess must b married to the only faithful man in the world, who doesn’t cheat b/c he value his life, and respects his body, oh did I 4get to mention honors, his marriage vows. I do agree that, If he’s a cheater….ummm….he’s most likely going to do what comes natural….”cheat”!!!

Justencayse

I really don’t mean to rain on your parade, but you’re not with your husband 7/24/365, so you don’t know what he’s doing when you’re not with him.

zzz05

One more factor: a guy who has too much time on his hands. You take a guy who’s spending every night at the clubs, he can easily spend some of that time in somebody else’s embrace. But you take a guy whose day is filled up with a job, taking care of his house, spending time with his woman and his kids, maybe involved in church or sports or adult education or some serious hobby, he has to make an appointment for an affair maybe three years from next Tuesday, if nothing comes up before then. That’s part of the reason for so much cheating when he’s out of town on business trips; nothing else to do but watch crummy movies on the hotel TV.

this article just rationalizes and justifies bad behavior…pathetic…both the men that use these rationalizations/justifications and the women that accept them lack maturity and self-control.

NOTBUY’N NONEOFTHISBS!!!!!

All yall BROADS crazy. You guys cheat the most and cry about it the loudest!!!!!!! Grow some nuts and play the game fairly!!!!!!

Justencayse

Are you referring to your mother?

PracticeThinking

“Guys”? “Nuts”? Homoeroticism is playing the game “fairly” to you? No, thank you.

natalie

this is one of the best articles yet !

IllyPhilly

Damn, if ladies focused on their kids as much as they do men, we’d have super baby geniuses in six months. Usually ya leave this world how you came in (unless you were a twin and such), alone. Get Over It!

Because most modern women are like stray cats. They will show up demanding food, purr and rub up on you, and then neurotically change directions for no discernible reason.

PracticeThinking

Even though I have no firsthand experience, I can say what I’ve witnessed looking in from the outside.

I’ve seen or known of a few women who cheated as what they saw as revenge (“my man burned me, so I’m going to burn him back”).

Then I’ve seen a couple of women who, in my opinion, are just mentally, emotionally and spiritually damaged by no fault of their own, because they are dealing improperly with unresolved childhood sexual abuse. Those are the types of women for whom sex (whether they actually physically enjoy it or not–some don’t) is a source of self-esteem and coping. It’s like any other dysfunction–like overeaters, binge eaters, alcoholics or anorexics. They use sex as a quick-fix for negative feelings about themselves. Rape is not just a physical thing. It is a taking away of something from someone, sometimes permanently. If you run across a woman who can’t go without sex for even a short period of time, you think she’s hot and a winner, but really she is very empty inside, and you will never be able to fill that emptiness by yourself or even with the help of other men. No amount of sex will ever fix it. This is probably applicable to many men as well, I am sure.

I am convinced that mentally and emotionally secure women do NOT run around on their men. Yet it is the ones who do run around that I see, as another poster put it, leading their men around by the noses.

Victor Goh

what goes around comes around……only when the willing heart is likely to forgive, peace and closure will eventually arise!!

Sparkle Cupcake

No one has more options for cheating than a woman and yet lots of woman stay faithful because of the way society views monogamy for men vs monogamy for women. Women have men trying to do them from the age of 12 up and it dsnt matter about looks, money or anything like that..the ugliest, fattest, nastiest, dirtiest woman can find a man willing to give them the D.

PracticeThinking

All true. But the reason that women with endless options remain faithful is not just a matter of how society frowns upon a woman having lots of men. It is also a matter of a woman having no desire and finding no appeal in engaging in sexual relationships with just any and everybody out there. Sex can be a wonderful thing, but a man has to approach me with a whole lot more than just sex or appearance or anything else superficial.That’s a healthy woman’s way of thinking, not socially constructed. It doesn’t seem to be most men’s way, unfortunately.

Xandra

I like how “biology” or “genes” isn’t even mentioned. In the intro the writer says men are “coerced” into monogamy. I’m sure some are, but others choose it. Studies have repeatedly shown that some guys are more disposed to be monogamous and devote energy to raising their offspring fro one woman (“dads”) while others take the “shotgun” approach, having kids with whoever and not sticking around to support them (“cads”). Of course my personal experience is just that – personal – and statistically insignificant, but I am lucky enough to have found a “dad” type guy, and that overrides certain other things, like “options” – good looking black men (let alone ones with Ivy League backgrounds) are incredibly rare at the graduate level. He could have his pick of women at our law school. Lucky for me, he picked me – and only me. <3

solar23

As a guy, I am sure he feels lucky you also chose him as well. Good women are still hard to come by….just as much as women say a good dude is hard to come by, so too is a good woman…trust…

Jess

So true. My friends and I jokingly say you’re going to find a whole lot of rocks before you find that diamond.

PracticeThinking

It probably has everything to do with where and at whom you choose to look.

“He could have his pick of women…. Lucky for me, he picked me – and only me. <3"Every womans fantasy. Always let em know you got options. Show them if you have to.

MissPretty

I agree- there are plenty of men out there who choose monogamy and don’t have to be coerced into it. Saying that it is in a man’s nature to be unfaithful is just an excuse.

Greenluke88

Right, most men are hardwired to want to provide for their families…but they aren’t going to stick around with a nagging wench who believes she is entitled to lead him around by the nose.

Jess

Greenluke88 is, apparently, just another rock and he’s mad about it LOL

kww

I hope he is one of the rare goodlooking guys that does not know it…those are the best…humble…but be careful as my mother always told me NEVER brag on a man…you never know what he is doing or WHO…just saying…

Ms_Sunshine9898

Please, all of these are excuses. Either you have the self control and/or desire to be with one woman or you don’t. There is no excuse in the world to justify cheating. . .

Hibernia86

“There is no excuse in the world to justify cheating”

Good. Will you be sure to tell all of the people who make excuses for women who cheat and try to blame their bad behavior on their husband. They need to “woman up” and either stay loyal or get out of the relationship. Cheating on their husbands is just shallow.

Jess

Ah yes. But cheating on your wife or significant other if you’re a man gets you a high five? Double standards much?

Hibernia86

I think both genders have friends who will be more forgiving of them or actually cheer them on if they cheat on their spouses, but society at large is more forgiving when women cheat vs when men cheat.

Mia

Men cheat for one simple reason. They are scum…

Hobo Jack

… and desperately want away from a person who believes them to be scum.

PracticeThinking

So let me get this straight. You accept and welcome a person into your life. You treat them with respect and honesty, sharing with them the most intimate parts of yourself and your life, giving them your trust and honor, then they turn around and stab you in the back for no reason. You now believe them to be scum, but now THEY should want to get away from YOU? You lost me with that line of thinking.

So why do women cheat? Again we see all these articles about men being prone to cheating, when women are just as likely to cheat….What is it with trying to always create a difference between genders, like we are not all normal…

Riri

But men are waaay more likely to cheat, and their cheating is a million times more condoned in society. That’s probably why more articles talk about men cheating than the other way around. Men are much more likely to be the cheaters.

DC_NATIVE

Men (and women) cheat for one simple reason. Because they can… LOL

Gptraveler2

they cheat because they are missing something from home. Women cheat just as much so get off your high horse

PracticeThinking

Then how do you explain the situation with people who strongly feel they are missing something at home, yet they DON’T cheat/lie/deceive/sneak/hide/etc. to get or make up for what they feel they are missing?

Benfranklin

I take it with your attidtude you have been cheated on many many times

kww

fallon let’s not insult scum…scum is King compared to men…seriously…men make scum look real good.

Estina

Ugh. This is scary. So to protect myself, just stay away?! I ruined a really great relationship from a man who previously cheated. @ first I didn’t care, but as we had gotten more serious…I flew. Now I wonder, because of hurting, if I “ruined” him..

Rashe

Girl please. Unless your like 12, chances are he was effed up way before you got there. Things happen for a reason.

Men are not taught to be faithful, plain and simple. Society does not honor the faithful man. Men are typically taught that more is best be it money or p#$$? Also, if women would honor themselves and stop being available, this would cut cheating by half at the least. The rest would made up of those that really didn’t know the man was in a relationship and the affairs with other men ( clearly, not a women’s fault). Ladies, honor yourself and your sister, stop cheating with the man!

Hobo Jack

These statements might have been true in the 80s.

Xandra

I agree in the sense I don’t think anywhere near 50 percent of women who sleep with married/taken men know they are married/taken. That is only true if they have someone they see regularly (a mistress), much more likely it’s a one time thing on a business trip or whatever, or even a prostitute. BUT I do think OP is right that those who knowingly sleep with married/taken men have no respect for themselves or for the woman at home being cheated on.

Aven1

You can’t “teach” fidelity, you have to choose it. Monogamy goes against the natural instincts of both men and women. Men are hard-wired to sow their seed in as many fertile women as possible. Period. Women are hard-wired to find the best “provider” for their progeny, whether he’s with someone else or not. Period.All you ladies whining and crying about cheating men and women having no respect for themselves just stop. Please. If you choose monogamy, do whatever you have to do to make it work for as long as it lasts( men, work hard and keep that honey coming; women, you have to sizzle in the kitchen and in the bedroom) with the understanding that if you don’t, your man or your woman, who are already hard-wired to look for an excuse, will look elsewhere. Period.

dfp

Your comment is so idiotic!!! Men don’t have to cheat, you all can say no. Men have a will!! It takes more courage and integrity to say no than to cave in. Clearly you have neither trait. Men that do cheat do not care who they hurt, it is all about them. Since you say that men are hard-wired to sow their seed….then men are no better than rabbits. God did not hard-wire men just to sow seed get your facts straight!!

you are a tool and so is Aven1…I feel sorry for any woman that gets tangled up with likes of you two…sure your mother’s are proud…disgusting…

Qquitaward

I agree but over all if they doing what god commands them not to do, in the end they will get their reward from god!!!! THE LAKE OF FIRE. So they give all excuses they want!

Yokessm

Personally if my husband decides to cheat regardless of the fact that I exhaust myself being the best wife than I can he will loose the privileges that comes with being with me ( well maintained home, help with the bills, food, sex , conversation, ) all of that, if we had kids I would def stay in the marriage but he and I would have an understanding he is no longer my man, more like a business partner, since we don’t have kids I’ll be seeking his replacement 🙂 it isn’t that complicated, we need to make men accountable, for them to fix their mouths and try to make sense of such a blatant act of disrespect, means that obviously we aren’t making ourselves clear enough, I’m a damn queen and any man that can’t get with it, can keep it moving.

Fallon

Girls that’s too much stress. I would just leave his triflin behind. A true Queen would never accept such a fruitless arrangement. I would go out in search of my true KING! Kids or not, once the trust is shot, its a wrap.

BernieMack!

You said that right Fallon! I don’t know who long YOKESSM has been married, but I am also married and I do not have time to be in a “business partner” relationship, kids or not, you cheat it is a wrap in my book!

Greenluke88

And that’s why the kids in the black community are completely screwed.

PracticeThinking

No, they’re not “completely” screwed. They’d be “completely” screwed if we ALL condoned and excused obliviousness to personal responsibility, and lack of character and honesty.

kww

exactly and how screwed would it be to let the infantile pile that poses as a man to bring std’s home to mom and father litters of children with other women, etc…nasty, just nasty…take the trash out and move on …that’s how a smart woman rolls…but honestly…staying single and celibate is better…just skip the drama…as it is not worth it…forgiving them is inviting more disrespect and entitlement attitude…really. Good women deserve better.

PracticeThinking

Fallon and Yokessm, you both make very valid points. I can see the sensibility in both points of view. Regardless of whether or not you physically leave or kick him out of the house for disrespecting you and your union, if children are involved (speaking from experience), you’re going to deal with years of stress, regardless. That is, if his lack of maturity continues or gets worse.

There are people who (if BOTH are mature enough) can make it work by keeping the home intact without continuing their personal/intimate relationship. It is strictly for the child(ren)’s sake. There are others who try, but fail. Then there are those who split entirely, believing a broken home to be better than one that is only ostensibly intact.

The way I see it, if he is decent as a father (though worthless as a husband), it MIGHT be worth working something out as strictly business. But if he is plain no-good in both categories, all further discussion is through attorneys (unfortunately for everyone involved). I’ve seen women bend over backward (myself included) before going that route.

If I’m not mistaken, an example of making it work as parents, though not as mates is in the case of singer/actress Vanessa Williams. The household is shared among spouses and children, but no romantic relationships exist under the roof. I think most people (unlike Williams and her exes) want to reap all the benefits of playing (sex, etc.) and making babies, but don’t want to do the hard work involved when someone doesn’t play fairly or when there are unintended consequences, or even just the hard, dignified work of making one relationship work.

Queens don’t form partnerships in life, love or business with lying, cheating skanks. When somebody walks out of your life, let them go!

Sirjones31

if he’s out seeking other women…what makes you think he cares about you withholding sex?…..lol….well maintained home? so are you willing to live in filth?…explain….foood?……lmao!

Jess

Who says that HE has to give that to HER. I’m living proof that a woman does not need a man to survive. I pay my own bills, maintain my own house and buy my own food (and most of the time if hes nice I’m willing to share lol). Point is, no woman has to be dependent if she doesn’t want to be. And yes, I am in a relationship with a man. If you don’t retain your identity as a person, you are no longer a challenge as a person (without even adding the relationship aspect to that) to that individual and they will get bored as anyone would.

Charites2000

If I could press the like button 50 times on this one I would. So true

Missti1

This is so hilarious to me…lol!!! I don’t do relationships & will never get married because situations like this will cause me to do 25 to life which I don’t have.

My suggestion ladies: treat them EXACTLY how they treat us & see what happens. None of them is worth the stress & if you want one to father your child, get a legal agreement for care & cutody but don’t get caught up in this mess.

StaySingleNBHappy!

Very well said! As a 50 year young African American woman, I’m so far removed from dating and being in an “ASSociation” until it’s unbelievable. Far too many headaches dealing with males and don’t have the time nor patience to decipher their thoughts and manipulating ways. I haven’t had sex in ages because my first priority was rearing my son upright and my life has been tranquil and relaxed.

Males are too much DRAMA, and if they aren’t killing their former girlfriends and children they ran from, their REGISTERED SEX OFFENDERS or they belong to the KOOL AID PATROL.

The thought of being in a relationship is sickening to me.

ConradDobler

Cool…have fun licking yourself…like a kitten…

Sandyoceanwater

Ha !! We don’t need a man for that either !!! Lesbians are much better at it .. than the males are anyway !!!

Greenluke88

Well said. These stupid skank les bos aren’t worth the time.

Sandyoceanwater

Very well said.. Staysinglenbhappy!! Another great thing about being single.. as a female… the sex can be about us… !!! We could care less … about any of his “personal needs.. etc.. women in control… stay single… I could not ever get married… been there done that… got a T Shirt !!!

Greenluke88

Sounds like you are the manipulative control freak. And you can’t raise your son right because you don’t have a man in your life. Your son is damaged and will be culled by the male herd as soon as you have to turn him loose on the world.

PracticeThinking

How is a woman looking out for her SELF, in a patriarchal, misogynistic world where plenty are out to prey upon and toy with her and eat her alive, considered manipulation or being a control freak? Your comment speaks to the issue you have with women being smart, looking out for ourselves, watching our own backs instead of allowing ourselves to become gullible, male-serving, male-trusting, sitting ducks.

You don’t personally know StaySingleNBHappy, so you can’t say whether she can rear her son correctly, nor can you say whether she has any men in her life. Just because she may protect her son from being exposed to or influenced by the lowest common denominator of males, does not mean she doesn’t have grandfathers, uncles, brothers, etc. who are more responsible, mature, decent human beings and good examples for her son to model.

Geniday

Please do not multiply…you are the problem and I hope there is a cure for what you have…

Qquitaward

yes yes yes I truly feel you on that, I will not have another man to save my life, and I’M not a lesbian…..sick of men. yea

Kckellywrites

Right on sister friend…! I am 47 but blessed to look 15 yearsyounger and it has taken me 13 years of marriage and another 12 as adivorced woman to learn what you just stated…I wish I could get thoseyears back but I have learned and I am forever happy single…men willsuck the life out of you if you let them…the very life…I trulybelieve it is in their nature. I just broke up with my last and finalboyfriend 2 months ago and as soon as I lost that cheating sack I lost 8 pounds in the first week and the other 15 pounds I’d gained within two weeks. The relationship nearly killed me…theemotional abuse was horrific. But thank God now… I feel and look like I did before I met him…And to think, at one time I had hoped to marrythat zero…no more…It took me forever to learn that no one will loveme or care about me more than ME…! I’d rather eat glass than bemiserable in a relationship…there are worse things than being alone or even lonely…that is for sure…STDs are no joke and these men wouldrather spit on your grave than honor a commitment. Can’t they leavebefore they cheat…? No because it is all about self gratification,power, domination and control…period…well they won’t control me anymore…I am off the market for good…thank God. Now by God’s mercyand grace I can enjoy my drama free life. My advice ladies, if you aregoing to marry make sure he is rich…you may as well get something forthe trouble his carcass will give you…! Rich or poor they willcheat…so choose wisely.

Kww

Amen!

Savylilladie

You just gave me to answer to my entire situation!! God Bless ya child!

Greenluke88

Terrible advice. It’s not “your” child. It’s an individual person that deserves a father and mother in their lives – daily – not just when you feel like it. Bottom line, you are a control freak.

2through

and you are a judgemental p r i c k! STFU sack!

Miss Write

Right on! One of the wisest comments on here…because they will take your health..physically and mentally and keep on stepping…remember Whitney…she finally took the trash out and moved on…but it was too late…so please ladies don’t give these knuckle dragging piles the time of day…

Bhfkjhfjhwjhsa

8 “I know”s8 “Why the f**k do you want me to hate men so badly, MN?”s8 “I f**king hate men”s

Here’s a 9th truth: No matter how bad he’s caught, no matter how deep he’s in it, a man will rarely, if EVER, ADMIT to cheating on you. If the alternative is being tortured in a Thai prison, he’ll take prison. WTF?

I’m going to go watch some of this s**t on Maury and be mad.

Tanawangu

” Just be the best person you can be, and if your man is a good man who is capable of being monogamous he will be.”and if he is not i die of AIDS.

how nice.

sachet89

i totally agree with you and if a man can’t be faithful then he shouldnt be in a relationship or married. don’t be selfish and bring a std back to your spouse

Mary

If you’re truly a Christian, which is hard work because it’s all about taming the passions, then you ask God for help with all of this including the raging hormones, the fear, the need to get out a relationship, etc. All of it. and He will help.Everything stated int he marriage vows is there because they are possible, not impossible, but if you marry badly it’s very, very difficult.

As a Christian , the point of being single is to know yourself and depend on God, get tight with Him in a way that’s more difficult once you’re married. The early Christians weren’t stupid and knew about sexual desires and needs, and the dos and don’ts are a way to not get trapped by passions. The purpose of marriage is to help one another in their walk with Christ. You put the other person first in all things.That comes first even before children. Sex bonds couples on many levels and it is good even when the purpose isn’t conception. Sex outside of marriage disturbs that bond, and even ties us to the other person in some ways.Sex is a very deep thing and not just a release. Gotta man up and walk the straight and narrow, it ain’t about your feelings and your needs.

Aven1

Get real, Mary. As “Christian” or “civilized” as we all pretend to be, Mother Nature finds a way. Vows and social laws are just artificial barriers that can’t cancel natural instincts. Monogamy is an illusion and “cheating” is only men AND women doing what they were designed to do.

Tcenter

I agree 100%. A lot of this has to do with biology. Men are wired differently than women. Women in my opinion make way too much fuss over sex. Sex, sex, sex, personally I’m sick of it. It is a natural act that the human race depends on to multiply. If we didn’t, we would all die out. Marriage is an institution and was created some time ago, but not that long ago, so that children knew who their fathers were. Men’s job is to procreate, it’s in their DNA. Ladies lighten up, life is short. From a lady.

what do you mean lighten up? we have an extremely high level of sexual diseases in our community. this is nothing to joke about.

qquitaward

amen

Talkinback

Kuddos to your response and you are right, this is nothing to joke about or take lightly. Sexual diseases within the community is still on the rise and no matter how hard we try to educate others to keep it under wrap, some still get caught up and in some cases with an incurable disease that they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives.

Jess

Totally agree that its more than just the sex thats an issue. You expose your partner to unknown STD risk. Even if you use a condom with your sexual dalliances, you are not protected from things like genital warts. Its something EVERYONE should take seriously

Justine_smart

I’m always tempted to agree until I think about how men would react if the shoe were on the other foot– men would not think sex isn’t a big deal. It is just that we are in a society where men are able to get away with cheating, so they do it.

Qquitaward

oh yea this lady who is specking for show don’t know or read the BIBLE at all.

PracticeThinking

Marriage was created so that children would know who their fathers were??? They sure didn’t think that one through, did they?

Hunka

Well, that was one reason for the institution of marriage which,by the way,was created by GOD-not man.Marriage,if done right,is our protection against std’s,illegitimatacy,social pathologies,unfulfilled relationships,and a chance to bond to one another not only physically but spiritually.With GOD at the steering wheel,you have that extra dimension you wouldn’t have otherwise in any relationship.Problem is,the institution of marriage hasn’t failed us-we failed it.

Jamespollard92

From a lady, that probably has an std or that lacks the ability to feel connected to someone that they have sex with*** From a faithful man.

Redvirgo70

T-Center – Are you seriousMen and women are the same when it comes to sex desires.

Women have just being made to suppress their desires moreso than men.

Men make a big fuss out of sex and monogamy when the shoe is on the other foot.They are extremely hard on women when it comes to sex.

Men have written religions around what women can and cannot do sexually… We have to be virgins…100% faithful and holier than thou… if not we are called whores, hoes, loose, etc.Women are being killed/stonned, choked to death for “sexual misconduct” all over the world.But when we expect manogomy from men… “we’re expecting for too much”Puleaze!!!

TeachTheWorldToThink

You are offering false information. Men and women are not the same when it comes to sex desires. Normal, psychologically healthy women have naturally lower sex drives than do men. In addition, the sexual peak is different between the genders. A woman can go a very long time (indefinitely?) in celibacy with no physical problem. Men can not do the same. Why do you think there is no real market for male nudity, adult films, stripping, etc. for a female audience? It’s simply not something healthy women would pay or otherwise go out of our way to consume, the way countless men will.

Nancy

Talk to younger girls who have said to hell with what society thinks. And, divorced women who desire no true commitment other than attention and ego boost.

TeachTheWorldToThink

Men and women are in no way the same when it comes to sexual desires. Psychologically healthy women are not thinking about sex all the time like healthy men may. Psychologically healthy women don’t undress good-looking men with their eyes or want to have sex with them just because of the man’s appearance. Psychologically healthy women don’t frequent strip clubs or purchase magazines depicting naked men or become obsessed with Internet adult films. We are not the same in our desires or drives.

TeachTheWorldToThink

I believe I said “p**n”, not “adult films”. Why am I being censored?

MNEditor2

Unfortunately, the WordPress system we have will try and delete your comment if it has certain words, p**n is one of them, that’s why we tried to adjust it so it wouldn’t be hidden.

Hooker1526

NO NO I am a woman and I have undressed plenty of men in my mind Not all women are the same but there are some of us yah yah

Phoenix_Chakra

I agree. It seems that a lot of people resent the idea of a woman with sexual desires outside of wanting a child. Its silly and frankly insecure of them to assume that. I guess the concept of a world where women enjoy sex and don’t feel guilty about it bothers them. Oh well. 🙂

Phoenix_Chakra

speak for yourself. Many women enjoy casual sex (and NOT just because they have “daddy issues”) and enjoy porn/erotica in a healthy amount. Sorry hon, but the idea that men are the only ones with potent sexual desires is a myth that went out with the 1950s.

peace~

TeachTheWorldToThink

Men and women are in no way the same when it comes to sexual desires. Psychologically healthy women are not thinking about sex all the time like healthy men may. Psychologically healthy women don’t undress good-looking men with their eyes or want to have sex with them just because of the man’s appearance. Psychologically healthy women don’t frequent strip clubs or purchase magazines depicting naked men or become obsessed with Internet adult films. We are not the same in our desires or drives.

TeachTheWorldToThink

This is strange to me that each time I attempt to reply to this particular comment, I get censored.

Phoenix_Chakra

so true

Truth

You’re even more disgusting – from a Man. A real man, not the jokes you sleep around with. Marriage was created just so children know their father? What honest blasphemy. Sorry you got screwed around several times and can’t keep your panties from being around your ankles. It’s okay though, life is funny as well as it is “short”. One day in age you will sit around and think back on it. If you aren’t “personally sick of it” in a STI sort of way, then you’ll be sitting around alone at dinner wondering why no one loves you quite so much or affectionately. Because you asked for it, in January of 2012.

Truth

You’re even more disgusting – from a Man. A real man, not the jokes you sleep around with. Marriage was created just so children know their father? What honest blasphemy. Sorry you got screwed around several times and can’t keep your panties from being around your ankles. It’s okay though, life is funny as well as it is “short”. One day in age you will sit around and think back on it. If you aren’t “personally sick of it” in a STI sort of way, then you’ll be sitting around alone at dinner wondering why no one loves you quite so much or affectionately. Because you asked for it, in January of 2012.

Nancy

I have so come to agree that as a woman I made to much about sex, it is just sex. Funny that since being divorced and I have decide to not be a “nice girl” I have found I like “strange” yet my steady male partner just can’t understand. LOL funny when the shoe is on the other foot that men have a hard time understanding too. I haven’t met too many men who don’t divorce their wife when he finds them cheating. Generally I think men are not wired this way but have been indoctrinated by a mind think and they now mistake it for wiring. I truly have enjoyed how messed up in the head the men I date become when they blow apart when I have been unfaithful. Sorry ladies that I am giving us a “trash” label. Do you think that when more women decide to have a new mind think about faithfulness/loyalty that men will understand it is a “cultural message” versus wiring? I don’t think so but I have come to the conclusion I will only give as much loyalty as I think I will receive and the buzz and attention of a new man while still having the security of the steady is a boost to the ego … and again, I have learned that this is really, really, really fun and a great feeling.

kjsxycaramel

Right….Sorry you didn’t find the right one.

Jack Dawson

It’s called free will. Just another way to excuse inexcusable behavior.

Mpalusevic

i like that

Mpalusevic

i like that

MPAL17

Hahaha Aven you are pathetic. What a sad, pathetic attempt to right your weaknesses. God created man and woman and marriage. The urges a man and woman get to sleep with another outside of their relationship is one of MANY urges a human gets. It is God’s test. The weak will fall, which seems very much like yourself, and make excuses as to why they fell. “Nature”, right? Well, nature also has AIDS and many other sexually transmitted infections. You and your brazen infidelity can go and enjoy the fruits of thy labour, Aven1.

You are a weakness in humanity. It’s okay, for every one of you there is one stronger to hold the balance.

I have news for you HIV is not only acquired by sex in fact, many mothers have contracted it & their children through bloodtransfusions. Sex outside of marriage is a SIN & married people who have SEX outside of marriage are breaking 1 of the 10 commandments: Thou shall not commit adultery. If you love God you keep his commandments. Humans do fall into sin & God provides grace for forgiveness but God is NOT mocked:Whatsoever a man sows that will he reap. Those without sin cast the first stone. You sound very smug to me & you my friend are a sinner. You should learn compassion so God will show some to you

MPAL17

Hahaha Aven you are pathetic. What a sad, pathetic attempt to right your weaknesses. God created man and woman and marriage. The urges a man and woman get to sleep with another outside of their relationship is one of MANY urges a human gets. It is God’s test. The weak will fall, which seems very much like yourself, and make excuses as to why they fell. “Nature”, right? Well, nature also has AIDS and many other sexually transmitted infections. You and your brazen infidelity can go and enjoy the fruits of thy labour, Aven1.

You are a weakness in humanity. It’s okay, for every one of you there is one stronger to hold the balance.

Rmce

Not true Aven. God is real and wants a marriage to succeed. If you live a life that pleases God and you trust him and put him first (both husband and wife) then the holy spirit will keep your eyes and heart on track. A man who is a Christian—a real living Christian that is he will go to the scripture and God when he feels his eyes straying. God will guide him home.

Daisy Mae Scragg

I know a woman who professes to be a devout Christian, prays daily, studies the Bible, and pays her tithe plus offerings to the church–and reaches out to help others in need–but she has had two affairs, both of which were with Christian men who were considered to be “pillars of the community”, and both of which were married with families. The pathetic part of the story is that she feels absolutely no remorse, because she rationalizes it away. She has caused tremendous upheaval in both families; but to hear her tell it, she is the helpless victim of persecution by those families for no good reason, and she can’t for the life of her figure out why everyone is being so mean to her.

The bottom line is, Christianity and piety do not preclude someone’s cheating. As has been stated by AVEN1 and TCENTER, biology and hormones play a big part in cheating–and it often wins out over spirituality. We may be human beings, but we are still animals bombarded by animal instincts.

Qquitaward

when the lord comes back tell him that!!!

Lorenrad

If you know anything about god, you know that he already knows. You also know that we were made in his image. Therefore all our behaviors reflect his behaviors. No exceptions.

Agreed that we are made in His image and no where do you find God cheating on anybody. Also, God is, by definition, perfect and therefore cannot sin. We, however are NOT God nor are we perfect so our sin doesn’t reflect His behavior. God said we are made in his image NOT an exact replica.

Mpalusevic

Yeah not sure what you meant by that.. Didn’t mean to “like”. Made in his image but granted FREE WILL. Have you ever heard of that, philosophized that idea with theology? You are actually speaking like the Devil if you truly meant God cheats. Sad.

Mpalusevic

Yeah not sure what you meant by that.. Didn’t mean to “like”. Made in his image but granted FREE WILL. Have you ever heard of that, philosophized that idea with theology? You are actually speaking like the Devil if you truly meant God cheats. Sad.

bull

Hahahahha… QQUITAWARD Really?

Jennijen75

I will. I do not follow organized religious any longer.This does not me I lack faith, morals, truth, fidelity, I have only lost my desire to judge others. I KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG…marriage or no cheating is selfish and disrespectful to self and others. No one deserves that kind of selfish cowardess. I believe in judgement but I know in my heart only one can judge me with any right and that is me! I will face my judgement when it is my time.I do not fear it I know that if I am wrong then I did my best and if I failed it was my responsibility. Only one can judge and well he is not here yet and none of you are him. no one has that right. Kindness love patience education and involvement these are what make for good faith loyalty,laughter kind words and the ability to hear not just listen. UNDERSTANDING.for the less fortunate and misunderstood seeing beauty in pain that is life. Disease can be avoided by loving yourself and other. If you feel guilty you shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Unfortunately life and it’s events rewire people and there emotional behaviors all you can do is do your part to help where you can and be kind and strong.

bill

The do gooders enjoy sex too.

ThinkAboutIt

Bill, you misunderstand sex when it comes to women. There are plenty of treacherous women out there who don’t even like sex at all, except when it comes to knowing what kind of havoc they can wreak in others’ lives by giving men what they seem to be dying for. Those types of women (and they are not “do gooders”) will allow their bodies to be used to wreck what they perceive as someone else’s happiness. They do that not for their own sexual pleasure, but because they get their thrills out of knowing they can use their bodies to control or throw out of order other people’s lives and homes. They are not happy themselves, so they can’t stand to see, especially other women, happy. If it was simply a matter of enjoying sex, the options are literally endless for a woman. There is absolutely no need to hook up with men who are supposed to be in already committed, closed relationships.

Thedeadlydelilah

I wonder who the victim of these so-called “treacherous” women are – Mr or Ms “PRACTICETHINKING” perhaps?

PracticeThinking

Before you decide to come in and issue a mindless, uninformed, ill-reasoned, baseless personal attack (even though I’ve been civil), you might want to try and read for comprehension. I was referencing the church woman who secretly, dishonestly engaged in trysts with two different married men in the church community. It is the wives in those situations who were the victims. It had nothing to do with me personally. I also know several women who have knowingly carried on relationships with married men, and spoke as though it was nothing to them, smugly going so far as to say it was the wife who was the “stupid” one. Anyone who doesn’t think that’s wrong and dirty is a piece of feces themselves.

talkinback

Amen!

Mpalusevic

What’s the point of even mentioning that? Honestly? Considering your comment and your name, I’d say you are one of those “treacherous” women. Deadly Delilah? You’re name was created from happiness and all you bring it is harm. Sad human, enjoy your “golden” years, jerk.

Mpalusevic

What’s the point of even mentioning that? Honestly? Considering your comment and your name, I’d say you are one of those “treacherous” women. Deadly Delilah? You’re name was created from happiness and all you bring it is harm. Sad human, enjoy your “golden” years, jerk.

Phoenix_Chakra

its ok if you disagree…but why the name-calling? Can’t we respectfully disagree in a conversation like adults?

Nancy

Correct … I never sleep with married men unless they lie to me and tell me they are not married. As soon as I find out they lied I cease any connection with them. But usually I am the one that gets blamed. Men enjoy women being assholes to other women … it helps men to look innocent when us women call each other bitches, sluts, and whores, and the like. Funny how men have managed to manipulate us into hating each other (ie women hating women) versus keep the monkey on the back of the man that created the problem. Men call us stupid cows that believe anything … I think we deserve the label.

ThinkAboutIt

And the animal instinct is not always about hormones. Oftentimes it is simply about wanting to try and take something that does not belong to you. That is the mentality of many. Too many.

Steve

There is a big difference between pretense and piety.

Jessica Williams

i hear you! but a lot of people don’t understand things of the Spirit and they will always have faith in their own (and other peoples) flesh. they don’t understand what it means to tame your flesh or keep it under. they only understand “if it feel good, do it”. and that is why we are dying of so many different social diseases now.

Rob

Good post – well said as a believer, but in the vernacular! I’d like to underline “if you marry badly, it’s very,very difficult”. I consider myself in that category, and if I may add, don’t marry a woman with kids – you’ll always come in last. And the way to her heart will not be by your fidelity or kindness, but by loving her kids the way she wants you to. Having failed there, I called it quits.

Nancy

I came last after my exs fantasizes. He spent more time thinking of other women than he did on any time for us. You can look but don’t touch … it doesn’t hurt anything … it just takes time and energy away from your gf/wife. Being married is lonely. Did you know that 21% of men will abandon their gf/wife if she becomes ill. I wonder what the cross section of that group is with unfaithful? I hope it is 100% because if it isn’t then is marriage worth it? Divorce, unfaithful, abandonment … if it is more than 50% seems it would be wiser to spend one’s time in a casino.

Betty Prince

Dear Mary, You hit the nail on the head….I agree with you 100%. It’s a rough road for a man, when he thinks he should share himself with other women, and a rougher road for the women. who puta up with it. It’s a heartache.JESUS does help. Hang in there, don’t get excited, and it will all come out right. Betty

Skegeeace

That’s the MOST sense I’ve seen in these comments in forever! People think they can live any old kind of way outside of God’s standards and not get burned. Then, when they do get burned, they SWEAR up and down that it has nothing to do with their immoral lifestyle. SMH…If doing the right thing isn’t a guarantee of happiness, what makes people think they can live like the devil without any repercussions?

We’re not animals- we’re men made in the image of God. Through Him we can tame our wayward passions and show self-control. Without Him, we’re just lost to our own appetites and end up hurting people with our selfish ways. Marriage isn’t broken- our approach to it is.

MsWisdom1

LOL… That is a true statement. IF your man is a good man, and he’s capable of being monogamous he will be. That doesn’t mean if he’s not capable of it you should stay, accept his cheating, and wait around to get an STD. You can also have the perfect man, perfect relationship or marriage (or so you think) and STILL get an STD…

YEP! This is my biggest argument in the whole “should men be excused for infidelity” issue. It is NOT just sex, you are exposing your partner to sexually transmitted diseases by exposing yourself too them without informing your wife/gf that they should be using more protection. Believe me, the $*!T will most certainly hit the fan when you have to tell her to get an STD test….”Honey, I have genital warts, you might want to get checked out….” I think she will probably know you’ve been messing around LOL

Erica

You don’t have to sleep with someone who is just your ‘MAN’. But, yes, even some husbands cheat. How nice, indeed.