Plot
Bart and Milhouse torment a naive-looking tourist named Howell Huser into breaking his 47-year-long smiling streak, after which he is chased out of town by Dolph, Jimbo and Kearney. Huser later appears on TV warning tourists against visiting Springfield. The Springfield tourism business collapses until Lisa suggests they legalize same-sex marriage to entice visitors to their town.

Soon, hundreds of gay and lesbian couples arrive in Springfield. However, Rev. Lovejoy refuses to marry any same-sex couple, citing his belief that marriage should only be between a man and a woman. Homer, after discovering ministers are paid $200 per couple, decides to become a minister himself. He marries every gay couple in town, then puts up a sign saying "Will marry anyone to anything." While debating the issue with Rev. Lovejoy on Smartline, Homer makes a stronger case for gay marriage and manages to join the Bible and Rev. Lovejoy in matrimony.

Patty finally comes out of the closet, saying that she's in love with a pro-golfer named Veronica. This makes Marge extremely uncomfortable, even though the evidence was always there (as Patty puts it when Marge claims she never knew, "You could see it from space!"). Before their wedding, Marge discovers Veronica is actually a man. When Marge reveals "Veronica's" secret during the ceremony, he asks Patty if she will still marry him. However, she declines ("Hell no! I like girls!") and thanks Marge for accepting who she is. Patty and Selma then go to leave a bag at the airport unattended, as a way to meet security personnel.