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Why God Hates John Kasich

John Kasich must be asking himself why God hates him so much. If he were just losing to Cruz or Rubio, two men he is head and shoulders above in experience and intellect, he might think The Almighty was only mildly miffed at him. But NO! He’s losing by miles to the most poorly mannered politician in the history of U.S. politics. And that includes Andrew Jackson, a tawdry trashy man who allowed ruffians and floozies to desecrate the White House.

John Kasich, a self proclaimed nice Christian guy, has got to be asking himself what in heaven’s name he could have done to deserve the wrath of his Heavenly Father. And if he’s praying to the Prince of Peace to intercede with his holy papa, why aren’t his poll numbers changing? How could Jesus have turned his back?

Well, if Kasich doesn’t know what he did to irritate the Lord who loved the poor, I’ve got a pretty good idea. That’s right, the man who professes to love the guy who fed the multitudes with a few loaves and fishes, eliminated food stamps for half a million hungry Americans. Way to go, Kasich! Damned your mortal soul, you did! At least while you stroll the earth. Look at it this way, if you have humiliating poll numbers against a racist side show barker maybe you’ll get a “time served” reprieve when you get to the pearly gates and St. Peter will let you walk right in: no purgatory, no limbo, even though you made life hell for so many on earth.

It was 20 years ago. Then Representative John Kasich toiled away on the Contract for America – more aptly nick-named the Contract ON America. He and another joker from Ohio rewrote the book on food assistance. What people call food stamps became the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) and it helped poor people eat. It also helped farmers sell food. That’s why it’s part of the agriculture department and not some public welfare agency like Health and Human Services.

Now, the big beneficiary of food assistance are major power retailers and large chain grocers: like Wal*Mart. Wal*Mart’s employees get paid so poorly their incomes are subsidized with nutrition assistance and Wal*Mart, in turn, cleans up at the registers when these same employees and their customers go shopping at one of the thousands of Supercenters.

So you’d think Wal*Mart would be angry at Kasich, too. But they’re not. And that’s because unlike Jesus, Governor Kasich is still making offerings to Wal*Mart. For instance, he’s made it virtually impossible to form a union in Ohio, and that’s mighty fine in Wal*Mart’s mind.

But Kasich just keeps doing more and more things that make God unhappy. Diverting money from women’s health is another doozie. Let’s not forget, Jesus really loved his mom and wouldn’t have wanted her dying of cervical cancer.

But timing is everything. And it shouldn’t be lost on Kasich that literally every day he’s plastered in the polls, every day he’s the smartest guy on the stage and no one notices, is a day that another impoverished unemployed American gets a letter stating that their SNAP benefit is ending. In 17 states right now (the ones that didn’t already do it willingly – like Ohio – because they have cruel governors) because of Kasich’s welfare reform and the 20-year-old federal mandate that kicked into effect on January 1st, our nation’s poorest individuals will lose their electronic loaves and fishes.

And like any evildoer, he’s proud of it. Yep, Kasich took full credit on the last Republican debate. He reminded his FOX News audience that while Bill Clinton likes to take credit for their draconian welfare reform, it was all him.