6 Ways to Ruin a Relationship Using Social Media

Andre Vaughn shares his perspective on the downsides of social media.

Social media is fascinating with its ability to spark different emotions, especially when it comes to relationships. Whether it’s a friendship, business, dating, marital bond, etc. there are people on social media that are often times offended in some way by others.

Many people scour the internet for information to share lead to emotions including anger or discontent. This tends to happen on social media networks that are more personally connected such as Facebook. For example, with a Facebook account, you’re more likely to have friends that actually know you on a personal level as opposed to a platform such as Twitter with random people connecting to you.

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After careful scouting different platforms, ticking off my fair share of folks, and just having conversations with people, I’ve detected these six reasons why relationships are ruined via social media.

1. Race Issues, Religion, or Politics

I’ve seen blood boil countless times when the subjects of race, religion or politics are at the forefront on social media. These conversations have been lightning rods even before Facebook and Twitter became available to us. For some reason, people often get offended because they find these topics uncomfortable and sometimes annoying. They have the ability to destroy friendships and bring out the worst in people at times. History tells us whether it’s online or offline, a heated discussion equivalent to a ticking time bomb is likely to occur. I wish that people could talk freely about race, religion, and politics without so much divisiveness. Whether you agree or disagree with what someone has to say about these topics, it could serve as understanding others point of view which could lessen any possible conflict.

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2. Engaging in Inappropriate Content

One of the quickest ways to the destruction of almost any relationship on social media is to be involved in what may be perceived as inappropriate content. This could be something of a sexual nature such as a pornographic video or picture. I see this far too often where someone shares something of this manner to see if they can get a reaction from someone. It might be time to hit the “unfriend” button and eliminate that person from your circle if this occurs.

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3. Talking About Your Relationships Publicly

A quick relationship killer is spreading your personal business across social media for everyone to see. For example, when a couple is dating and one of them is giving detailed accounts of their relationship via Facebook. How can anyone maintain a healthy connection by letting the world know every detail about their relationship? I’m not talking about the occasional photo or video share but twenty-four-hour news coverage about your relationship can be detrimental.

What if you are a very private guy who puts in 1000% effort into your relationship with your lady friend? Assuming you are a stand-up person and not trying to hide anything but just a real quiet person about your involvement out of respect for her. You’re not even on social media but find out that she is on Snapchat giving play-by-play accounts of your entire dealings. You might be the type of person that will end the relationship over that scenario.

Sometimes giving too much information about your mate can come back and bite you in the tail. I have known a woman for over 20 years who has experienced this type of embarrassment. She was a recently-divorced mother of two who enjoyed telling the world about her every move with her new boyfriend. By all accounts, she was excited and felt the need to post on Facebook several times a day about her new relationship over six consecutive months. I’m sure many of her ‘friends’ were excited as I was for her but knowing how people on social media operate, it probably was annoying to some, as well.

Fast track to about one year later when I noticed that she left Facebook temporarily. I didn’t know exactly why but I suspected there was a breakup. A few months later she was back but with a new guy and happy again. This time I did notice that she didn’t mention very much about her new relationship.

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4. Secretly Direct Messaging

Personal relationships can be tarnished when you are discreetly direct messaging someone you KNOW you shouldn’t be messaging. When a person finds out that their mate has secretly DM’d a former lover, then problems will ensue. The same effects are possible when it’s a random message that can be taken out of context.

Direct messaging someone for the purpose of “romance” could be an automatic violation of a primary relationship. A really good friend of mine once told me how multiple mutual friends of ours would often send her sexual requests. She told me that she has a “two strike” rule for that type of behavior and then unfriends the person. It scared her when it happened and she has vowed to never speak to the guys again. One guy who was messaging her was married . . . but isn’t anymore since his wife found out. He destroyed a 17-year marriage over his sexual secrets, all tied to his Facebook private messages.

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5. Trying to Sell Something Constantly

It can be quite bothersome when someone attempts to sell something to you while you are socializing online. Any community with a massive user base will have the potential for buying power. The social media users are a precious commodity for advertisers. The cost of doing business online can definitely infuriate people because it may interfere with the user experience. More than likely, that user didn’t sign up to be sold to. Selling to someone without some sort of a relationship may tick off a person and wreck any future chances to build a rapport.

One unnamed internet marketer comes to mind who has apparently done pretty well for himself. I really like what he does and the information that he shares especially the free stuff which are the blog posts and the podcast episodes. Once upon a time I even signed up for his newsletter which is great because overall he gives a lot of value. My issue with his entire brand is that he tries to sell stuff like his courses and classes every chance he gets on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I understand internet marketing pretty well and the costs involved with everything but I get so turned off when he tries to sell me stuff all the time. Some comments on his social media pages suggest that a few of his other followers were getting annoyed occasionally as well. I actually unsubscribed from his mailing list because I was getting multiple emails a week about his many offerings.

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6. Flirting

I personally know of dating relationships and even some marriages that have ended because of flirting. There are eyes always watching for these type of transgressions along with people who get easily annoyed receiving unwanted attention.

Secretly messaging someone can kill a relationship because it can be viewed as being dishonest. The entire process is done privately because the Facebook Messenger app allows you to inbox friends in anonymity. Flirting can often be done publicly, too, whether it’s blatant or not.

Just because you engage on social media by liking, sharing, or commenting doesn’t mean malice was intended. But every once in a while you may find that someone has aggressive activity on your posts, especially if they’re only a casual friend or a friend of a friend perhaps. This happens more on Facebook but can be the case for Instagram too because it’s a personal platform and both are intertwined.

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What other ways can a relationship be ruined on social media?

I’m sure there are more ways a relationship can be ruined on social media that I didn’t mention so please feel free to add to the discussion. I’m not for certain the root of each one that I’ve mentioned but emotions certainly play a role in how people feel about each other especially in the case of social media nowadays. I can’t imagine that these feelings will change anytime soon because as humans we are just naturally temperamental. We are also consumed with whatever is happening on our mobile devices because so much of our attention is spent engaging on our favorite social media network. When so much time and energy is invested into something then our instincts are affected whether it’s positively or negatively and it seems to be that way using social media.

About Andre L. Vaughn

I was a satellite and cable installer for almost 15 years who grew tired of it all. Currently, I'm a consultant and author who enjoys helping small businesses achieve their goals acquiring leads, customers and maintaining them using simple emerging media solutions. My book "Social Media Simple Marketing" depicts how local small business owners can understand and learn social media marketing with ease. I'm also heavily invested in my family & have an affection for mental health awareness with my youngest son being on the autism spectrum. I really appreciate listening, learning and sharing ideas about different perspectives of business and life. Join me at AndreLVaughn.com and Andre L. Vaughn on Facebook.

Andre, Welcome. I wrote my first article for GMP the day they began. It’s a wonderful community and I’m happy you’ve joined. I also write about relationships and the media. I agree with your main points that its easy to slip over the line of “sharing with friends” and violating the trust of a partner. Its good to be aware of the potential pitfalls of social media as well as the benefits.

I’m glad that this article resonated with you and I’m grateful for the warm welcome as well. Awesome website btw so I definitely will be seeing what you are up to online…Thank You!!

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Justin Schwamberger

7 months 8 days ago

Great article! This reminded me of another relationship that may be harmed. The relationship with yourself. I realized how social media was the thing that I used to be seen, but how was I being seen? I was posting how I wanted “you” to see me. I wanted “you” to like my post that was often a hyped up version. After spending thousands of dollars to attend ringside seats at pay-per-view boxing and UFC fights (posting), I realized that it was more to be seen and impress rather then being close to the ring or octagon! I still watched the… Read more »

Thank you for sharing. This is so vital to our world today because I find that so many people live out their lives through social media, and strangely enough, they expect others to do the same. I totally understand the novelty – when FaceBook came about most people wanted to join and share their lives and family photos. But nowadays, there is an avalanche of information that is sometimes hurtful (bullying) or disrespectful. We don’t need to know what you ate last night, what you are eating now, or how you look in your bathing suit. There is no privacy… Read more »

You are spot on Irma….You are definitely echoing some of my sentiments….Thanks!

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Anthony

7 months 9 days ago

Very true, and I agree. Also, for some people, it’s this drive to make everything about their lives seems spectacular online. That addiction to “likes”. I’ve been around people who can’t seem to enjoy a moment without trying to figure out what the most impressive “selfie” that can take should be, so they can get those likes. Hell, I’ve even found myself, on occasion, stopping to take a picture of something, just so I can share it online. It’s a strange thing, and something I feel is unhealthy for many people.

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Gumbear

7 months 9 days ago

Agree wholeheartedly with your comments except I think tha perhaps we should realise that internet relationshios are not “real”they are possiby just somone’s fantasy. Though i take your point about causing hurt by breaking trust.It could be seen a release button that mostly could break a strong relationship or make a weaker one.
That said i think the biggest danger with internet relationships is the time we spend our devices…we sometimes forget we have a “real”person in the room with us.

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Anthony

7 months 9 days ago

I guess it depends on the person, and the situation. For me, my significant other is someone I live with and see every day, and over 90% of the interaction I have on social media is with people I know (in most cases, extremely well) in real life. Co-workers I see every day (but only ever in the office), friends I’ve known for decades, that kind of thing. Online interaction is my attempt at making up for an almost complete lack of social life, due to circumstances of geography, and how isolated from the rest of the world I am… Read more »

Oh, this is too easy. Jealousy, suspicion, control issues. All kinds of things can turn ugly fast. I cannot go a week on social media without a blow-up of some kind. My significant other sees every single interaction I have, and constantly finds something objectionable to grill me about. Why did I like this girl’s post? (one of my friends’ daughters celebrating her graduation) This girl’s comment (“looking sharp, sir!”) sounds like she’s flirting with you. What does this girl mean by “see you soon!” ? (a co-worker on vacation until next week) Obviously, this lack of trust is an… Read more »