Guy everyone hates has finished his dissertation

Fourth Year History student James Smith, “the biggest bellend in this university” according to his course mates, has finished and handed in his dissertation eight days early, to the annoyance of the rest of the library fourth floor.

Smith, who completed his dissertation on the life of Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels, uploaded a picture onto various social media platforms including Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to mark the event. The image featured Smith clutching the binded thesis, whilst clenching his mouth into an ‘O’ shape and sucking in his cheekbones.

He added the caption: “Been a rough few days, but finally done. Want to thank the library cat, my supervisor, my parents, and of course, Goebbels, for providing the material for this dissertations #ballin #fingerscrossedfirst #gettingshitdone”.

Smith is now spending his time parading the foyer of the William Robertson Wing, high-fiving his ‘friends’ and giving them his tips for getting their work binder “when they eventually get it done”. He is rumoured to have a second copy of his dissertation, which he is offering people to look at, “for reference”.

“He is literally the worst” said a course mate, who wished to stay anonymous. “Who thanks fucking Goebbels in their acknowledgments?”

The History department had apparently already decided to award Smith a 2:2 months ago.