What Happened to Me??

I did a terrible thing today. An irresponsible and stupid thing for which I am feeling guilty and ashamed. It was completely unintentional, but I am still so disappointed in myself.

My phone rang this morning, rousing me out of a deep, comatose-like sleep. Groggy, I listened to the voice talking into my answering machine. It was the familiar voice of Minerva Durham, director of Spring Studios. In a matter of milliseconds, I realized, in a panic, what had happened. The clock read 9:45. Oh . . . my . . . god . . . I was booked to pose for Julia Foote’s class at Spring Studios at 9:30 this morning!!! And there I was, still under the covers in bed, miles away in Queens. What the hell happened to me????? Holy shit . . .

I jumped up and called Minerva right back, and I was nearly in tears over what I had done. I told her I had set my alarm for 6:00, I swear! But for the life of me I couldn’t remember it going off, or hitting the snooze, or anything! This has NEVER happened to me before. I felt almost devastated, picturing in my mind the artists set up at their tables, ready to draw, waiting and WAITING for the model to show up. And that horrible model was ME. The model who takes so much pride in being conscientious and reliable and enthusiastic to work each and every booking she is given. The model who criticizes other models for their lack of dedication and irresponsible habits. The model who would rather pose than do anything else. This is the model who never walked in the door at Spring Studios this morning when she was supposed to. And for no good reason other than the old “alarm clock didn’t go off” yadda yadda bullshit. I am mortified, and ashamed. And now I feel like the worst kind of hypocrite.

I let Minerva down today. I let all those artists down today. And at Spring Studios of all places, which is my favorite place to work.

I suppose it doesn’t mean anything if I say, truthfully, that this has NEVER happened to me before. I suppose it means even less if I say that, on a day like this, I wish I lived closer to the city, either in Manhattan or nearby Brooklyn, for if I did, I could still jump out of bed when I was late, and maybe make it in time to work at least half a session. That way all would not be lost. But I do live far away, in northeastern Queens, and am a slave to the Long Island Railroad schedule. My typical work day involves setting my alarm an hour earlier to allow for “snoozing” (which failed this morning obviously), allowing an hour to shower and get ready, allowing a half an hour to park at the train station, as there are very few spots, allowing a 25 minute ride on the train, and then allowing city/subway travel from Penn Station. Sounds like a lot, but it has worked for me just fine for three years. Until today.

I am so sorry, to Minerva and to everybody. I never wanted this kind of “glitch” in my professional record. I feel like a complete idiot. And I am incredibly sad.

Now I have an unwelcome “day off”. Think I’ll go to the store and buy a new alarm clock.