Tuesday, December 23, 2008

At a certain point you stop noticing your kid's firsts. Their first step (I was at work), their first words, the first time they clapped (Baby Birdman, on the MEXICO boat ride at EPCOT) and on and on.....these things sort of slip away as they age.

They've done this, they've done that - and unless you're taking them mountain climbing or something you've pretty much knocked out most things.

Or, you kinda stop logging them in your brain - just a little.

So I'd like to put my good, observant mommy hat on for a moment and share with you - our FIRST ever marshmallow roasting - at the big outdoors Christmas Lights extravaganza near our home.

A couple of big fire pits and marshmallows on sticks were our first foray into burning confection on a stick. You know how we love foods on sticks. Burned foods on sticks? Even better.

There was marshmallow roasting all around but it was kinda hard to get everyone's faces because of the big old crowd. But Daddy helped the little guys get their own marshmallows roasted - just like they were big boys.

The light display was really impressive. It went on and on and on. I've been to some light displays but this one was fairly extraordinary, as far as drive through one's go. No it wasn't the OSBOURNE lights but it was really nice.

It was a beautiful night with free hot chocolate served by fine Christian Women, and a real live nativity where they rocked some modern Christian music as part of the show. Can I get some "Angels We Have Heard on High?" or what about "Adeste Fidelis?"

I don't need new "modern" Christmas music or Christian music for that matter. Stop writing it.

I'll give a pass to 4 new songs a year but those will have to be approved BY me from now before we subject people to them at Live Nativity events.

But I digress.

So here on 12/23 we're getting into Christmas spirit by building a Gingerbread House - as a warning to all children not to go wandering in the forest or you'll get eaten by a witch.......or something. Why do we build these at Christmas?

I have no idea. But I do know this. When you spend a good long time decorating and building your Christmas gingerbread house, do you know what is annoying? It's annoying when your little brothers sneak into the kitchen and eat the sugared jellies off of the house. At least, that is the impression I was given.

At a certain point you stop noticing your kid's firsts. Their first step (I was at work), their first words, the first time they clapped (Baby Birdman, on the MEXICO boat ride at EPCOT) and on and on.....these things sort of slip away as they age.

They've done this, they've done that - and unless you're taking them mountain climbing or something you've pretty much knocked out most things.

Or, you kinda stop logging them in your brain - just a little.

So I'd like to put my good, observant mommy hat on for a moment and share with you - our FIRST ever marshmallow roasting - at the big outdoors Christmas Lights extravaganza near our home.

A couple of big fire pits and marshmallows on sticks were our first foray into burning confection on a stick. You know how we love foods on sticks. Burned foods on sticks? Even better.

There was marshmallow roasting all around but it was kinda hard to get everyone's faces because of the big old crowd. But Daddy helped the little guys get their own marshmallows roasted - just like they were big boys.

The light display was really impressive. It went on and on and on. I've been to some light displays but this one was fairly extraordinary, as far as drive through one's go. No it wasn't the OSBOURNE lights but it was really nice.

It was a beautiful night with free hot chocolate served by fine Christian Women, and a real live nativity where they rocked some modern Christian music as part of the show. Can I get some "Angels We Have Heard on High?" or what about "Adeste Fidelis?"

I don't need new "modern" Christmas music or Christian music for that matter. Stop writing it.

I'll give a pass to 4 new songs a year but those will have to be approved BY me from now before we subject people to them at Live Nativity events.

But I digress.

So here on 12/23 we're getting into Christmas spirit by building a Gingerbread House - as a warning to all children not to go wandering in the forest or you'll get eaten by a witch.......or something. Why do we build these at Christmas?

I have no idea. But I do know this. When you spend a good long time decorating and building your Christmas gingerbread house, do you know what is annoying? It's annoying when your little brothers sneak into the kitchen and eat the sugared jellies off of the house. At least, that is the impression I was given.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

*Let me start off with a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUCKA! to Sarah one of my favoritest people in the world.This post is dedicated to her, in response to her post about not having to wipe people's butts when she didn't work from home. True story, enjoy.

I used to have this job where I was required to be in to work really really early - due to the fact that I was the one who churned out the daily reports for all the hoohas about the previous day's performance. I'd roll in to work some days as early as 6am. My staff were pretty cool, and usually wise enough to have a hot pot of coffee going as they all knew what a surly bitch I am without my caffeine.

On the day in question, I rolled in a little late- 7:15am, threw some coffee in a cup and started importing data. At this time of day, other than a team lead, I was the only "leadership" in the building. Even though I didn't manage "a team" - I was a manager so if there was a problem, it was mine.

Shortly after I started keying my phone rang."Ummm, can you come back here? There's a turd on the floor."To which I responded,"Oh there is not - it's mud off of someone's shoe - it's been raining."

Rep:"No- it's a turd. We need you to come back here."

So I get up and walk through the largely desolate call center, back to the only row where there are people sitting, 7 of them to be exact. And yes, in the middle of the aisle - is a large turd.

"Was this here when you got here?" I ask."No.""Okay, who has been through here this morning?""No one, just us.""Okay, you guys - one of you had to SEE this - they don't magically appear.......seriously who came through?""No one, we all came in together, and it wasn't here, and then when we just looked over here, there it was."

Sigh. Yes, they indeed were trying to tell me that a turd had materialized in their aisle.

I grunted and told them not to touch it and marched back to my office to call the facilities mgmt group to come clean it up asap, left a message on their voice mail and then relocated the entire team to another aisle - one that was turdless.

The best part of this story, is that my HR team told me that I should have saved it for the police, WHOM they called. And I had to be interviewed by. Because apparently, unbeknown to me, FECAL GRAFFITI (it was not graffiti it was just a turd but they wouldn't listen) is some GANG thing. I kept saying "It wasn't used for ink. It was just a turd, like someone squatted, dropped it and walked on." But they wanted to know if there was writing on it, or if it was SHAPED like anything.

*Let me start off with a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUCKA! to Sarah one of my favoritest people in the world.This post is dedicated to her, in response to her post about not having to wipe people's butts when she didn't work from home. True story, enjoy.

I used to have this job where I was required to be in to work really really early - due to the fact that I was the one who churned out the daily reports for all the hoohas about the previous day's performance. I'd roll in to work some days as early as 6am. My staff were pretty cool, and usually wise enough to have a hot pot of coffee going as they all knew what a surly bitch I am without my caffeine.

On the day in question, I rolled in a little late- 7:15am, threw some coffee in a cup and started importing data. At this time of day, other than a team lead, I was the only "leadership" in the building. Even though I didn't manage "a team" - I was a manager so if there was a problem, it was mine.

Shortly after I started keying my phone rang."Ummm, can you come back here? There's a turd on the floor."To which I responded,"Oh there is not - it's mud off of someone's shoe - it's been raining."

Rep:"No- it's a turd. We need you to come back here."

So I get up and walk through the largely desolate call center, back to the only row where there are people sitting, 7 of them to be exact. And yes, in the middle of the aisle - is a large turd.

"Was this here when you got here?" I ask."No.""Okay, who has been through here this morning?""No one, just us.""Okay, you guys - one of you had to SEE this - they don't magically appear.......seriously who came through?""No one, we all came in together, and it wasn't here, and then when we just looked over here, there it was."

Sigh. Yes, they indeed were trying to tell me that a turd had materialized in their aisle.

I grunted and told them not to touch it and marched back to my office to call the facilities mgmt group to come clean it up asap, left a message on their voice mail and then relocated the entire team to another aisle - one that was turdless.

The best part of this story, is that my HR team told me that I should have saved it for the police, WHOM they called. And I had to be interviewed by. Because apparently, unbeknown to me, FECAL GRAFFITI (it was not graffiti it was just a turd but they wouldn't listen) is some GANG thing. I kept saying "It wasn't used for ink. It was just a turd, like someone squatted, dropped it and walked on." But they wanted to know if there was writing on it, or if it was SHAPED like anything.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

One day, during the world's longest miscarriage, I took my biggest boy onto my lap, and had him pick out the things in the Holiday Martha Stewart magazine that he thought would be yummy to make and tops on his list were her Peppermint Icicles.

Now, I'm a fan of making candy but I've never REALLY made hard candy before - but I figure if you follow the logic of baking - just FOLLOW the recipe and you can't go wrong.

Wrong.

Candy making is it's own weird thing.

First off, let me condemn Martha to the hell of molten lava because her instructions say that you should be able to start pulling this confection just a few minutes after pouring it into a pan to cool.

See that blistered and bloody mess? That's my finger. The finger I lightly touched to to surface to test it - as it seemed WAY too hot to put my hands into - as her instructions indicated would be safe to do. I swear, it said "mixture will be very hot." Should've said "Mixture will be flesh melting hot." So I screamed for the husband and he came running and put HIS hands into the molten lava..... And yes, it MELTED the rubber gloves. I went to work making the blue section, pulling and twisting it. And then we started putting them together. What a mess. Yes that is a giant rope of candy cane (peppermint icicles). And now, a home movie - as shot by a six year old - with direction and narration by Lil Satchmo

Eventually though, we had some semblance of Peppermint Icicles. You can see the carnage of the candy that didn't make it off the pan for the pulling process - it's still brown. They taste pretty good, they're fairly subtle - as far as the flavor goes. I'd put in more mint next time.

One day, during the world's longest miscarriage, I took my biggest boy onto my lap, and had him pick out the things in the Holiday Martha Stewart magazine that he thought would be yummy to make and tops on his list were her Peppermint Icicles.

Now, I'm a fan of making candy but I've never REALLY made hard candy before - but I figure if you follow the logic of baking - just FOLLOW the recipe and you can't go wrong.

Wrong.

Candy making is it's own weird thing.

First off, let me condemn Martha to the hell of molten lava because her instructions say that you should be able to start pulling this confection just a few minutes after pouring it into a pan to cool.

See that blistered and bloody mess? That's my finger. The finger I lightly touched to to surface to test it - as it seemed WAY too hot to put my hands into - as her instructions indicated would be safe to do. I swear, it said "mixture will be very hot." Should've said "Mixture will be flesh melting hot." So I screamed for the husband and he came running and put HIS hands into the molten lava..... And yes, it MELTED the rubber gloves. I went to work making the blue section, pulling and twisting it. And then we started putting them together. What a mess. Yes that is a giant rope of candy cane (peppermint icicles). And now, a home movie - as shot by a six year old - with direction and narration by Lil Satchmo

Eventually though, we had some semblance of Peppermint Icicles. You can see the carnage of the candy that didn't make it off the pan for the pulling process - it's still brown. They taste pretty good, they're fairly subtle - as far as the flavor goes. I'd put in more mint next time.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

So it's winter. For real. This is only the kids second REAL winter, with blistering cold winds whipping down from the mountains and grey skies hanging over head. The Husband and I, being Hoosiers, barely even register the grey and gloom - we're just glad there isn't grey slushy snow everywhere as well.

Last night we bundled up for some winter time fun.....and despite the requisite six year old bitching about the cold, I think we all survived. A town nearby has a very Mayberry-esque town square and they had the whole she-bang for Christmas, complete with christmas carols and ladies handing out ornaments and wishing you Merry Christmas.

So we took the kids for their first carriage ride ever.....and then we toured the historic courthouse which was wildly decorated inside for lots of kid friendly awe and wonder.

And inside the parks department had set up a crafts table where the kids could make crafts and color which was actually really nice. It was only a $1 and the kids could make as many crafts as they wanted (the tolerance seemed to be about 3 - and then the kids were done). Lil Satchmo made two things and thought it was great fun.

Did I mention they gave them elf hats?

It was a beautiful, flipping freezing cold night.

The whole time we were there, all I could think was - this is what you are supposed to do with your family. THINGS. Make memories together. Whenever I see families out and half the kids have hand held video games ignoring the rest of the family.....all I can think is that they aren't making memories- they are going for high score.People say to us "Wow, you guys really do a lot with your kids."

You are supposed to. Especially at this time of year. We only get one chance at the magic and wonder of their childhood Christmas - don't we?

Speaking of.....if you look closely, you will see two very small boys at the bottom left.

So it's winter. For real. This is only the kids second REAL winter, with blistering cold winds whipping down from the mountains and grey skies hanging over head. The Husband and I, being Hoosiers, barely even register the grey and gloom - we're just glad there isn't grey slushy snow everywhere as well.

Last night we bundled up for some winter time fun.....and despite the requisite six year old bitching about the cold, I think we all survived. A town nearby has a very Mayberry-esque town square and they had the whole she-bang for Christmas, complete with christmas carols and ladies handing out ornaments and wishing you Merry Christmas.

So we took the kids for their first carriage ride ever.....and then we toured the historic courthouse which was wildly decorated inside for lots of kid friendly awe and wonder.

And inside the parks department had set up a crafts table where the kids could make crafts and color which was actually really nice. It was only a $1 and the kids could make as many crafts as they wanted (the tolerance seemed to be about 3 - and then the kids were done). Lil Satchmo made two things and thought it was great fun.

Did I mention they gave them elf hats?

It was a beautiful, flipping freezing cold night.

The whole time we were there, all I could think was - this is what you are supposed to do with your family. THINGS. Make memories together. Whenever I see families out and half the kids have hand held video games ignoring the rest of the family.....all I can think is that they aren't making memories- they are going for high score.People say to us "Wow, you guys really do a lot with your kids."

You are supposed to. Especially at this time of year. We only get one chance at the magic and wonder of their childhood Christmas - don't we?

Speaking of.....if you look closely, you will see two very small boys at the bottom left.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I made some random mistake at work, loading up weather.com . My screen loads slow - the result of an average video card and we don't really rock the bandwith for users.......so somehow, one day, when looking up the weather......I set my default to "PET WEATHER."

Now, it tells me how the weather is going to be for my pets.

It tells me how to keep them warm (ummm they are animals they grow fur). And what the weather conditions mean to them.

Ummm, they are animals, if they go outside and it's raining, they get WET.

I also saw something for humans, today. "How to stay warm while you sleep."

WAIT A MINUTE! Did I somehow switch from PETS to RETARDS?

Weather.com Please do yourself a favor.

Stick to the WEATHER! Is it going to rain? Is it going to snow? Show me some radar and SHUT UP.

I made some random mistake at work, loading up weather.com . My screen loads slow - the result of an average video card and we don't really rock the bandwith for users.......so somehow, one day, when looking up the weather......I set my default to "PET WEATHER."

Now, it tells me how the weather is going to be for my pets.

It tells me how to keep them warm (ummm they are animals they grow fur). And what the weather conditions mean to them.

Ummm, they are animals, if they go outside and it's raining, they get WET.

I also saw something for humans, today. "How to stay warm while you sleep."

WAIT A MINUTE! Did I somehow switch from PETS to RETARDS?

Weather.com Please do yourself a favor.

Stick to the WEATHER! Is it going to rain? Is it going to snow? Show me some radar and SHUT UP.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Unless I gave birth to you.Seriously. I mean, unless you are my child, physically, spiritually or legally - don't call me mom. It's freaky.The school nurse, calls me MOM. But she says it condescendingly like I'm a retard. Or as though I'm some lesser member of royalty that she's slighting with a "Your Grace" vs a "Your Highness"......I mean lord.What's wrong with Mrs X? Or my first name.........the one my parents picked out. I mean, I know you've got records. You know my first and last name. Hell I'm not a big fan of Ms. but I do realize that if you aren't sure of marital status it's easier to use, so we could go for that.

When I was in labor the nurses called me Mom. I thought that was weird as well. I realize it was meant to be encouraging.......but -it was annoying.

Now that I think about it, sometimes the nurses at the pediatrician's office call me Mom.

Unless I gave birth to you.Seriously. I mean, unless you are my child, physically, spiritually or legally - don't call me mom. It's freaky.The school nurse, calls me MOM. But she says it condescendingly like I'm a retard. Or as though I'm some lesser member of royalty that she's slighting with a "Your Grace" vs a "Your Highness"......I mean lord.What's wrong with Mrs X? Or my first name.........the one my parents picked out. I mean, I know you've got records. You know my first and last name. Hell I'm not a big fan of Ms. but I do realize that if you aren't sure of marital status it's easier to use, so we could go for that.

When I was in labor the nurses called me Mom. I thought that was weird as well. I realize it was meant to be encouraging.......but -it was annoying.

Now that I think about it, sometimes the nurses at the pediatrician's office call me Mom.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

I've resolved to be a better Mom this year about making those special holiday treats, and so one rainy cold freaking afternoon while I was laid up, Lil Satchmo and I went through the December Martha Stewart magazine picking out which fantastic treats we wanted to make this year.

I chose to make the Penuche Fudge first, mostly because the ingredients were wildly simple - brown sugar, butter, confectioners sugar, vanilla and evaporated milk. I wavered a little - because fudge recipes usually call for ye old Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk.........but I figured that since Martha didn't ask me to climb a mountain and milk a yak ......that I should use the one she said.

It was amazingly easy to make. And overwhelmingly sweet and delicious to eat.

I've resolved to be a better Mom this year about making those special holiday treats, and so one rainy cold freaking afternoon while I was laid up, Lil Satchmo and I went through the December Martha Stewart magazine picking out which fantastic treats we wanted to make this year.

I chose to make the Penuche Fudge first, mostly because the ingredients were wildly simple - brown sugar, butter, confectioners sugar, vanilla and evaporated milk. I wavered a little - because fudge recipes usually call for ye old Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk.........but I figured that since Martha didn't ask me to climb a mountain and milk a yak ......that I should use the one she said.

It was amazingly easy to make. And overwhelmingly sweet and delicious to eat.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

So after all this......after I'm all suited up and I've signed the forms and talked to the anesthesiologist and gotten IVs hooked up and given blood........and even received my complimentary socks with nubbies on the bottom.......

After all that.....

They decide I have succesfully FINALLY miscarried on my own, the day before. All my tests came back clean.

So after all this......after I'm all suited up and I've signed the forms and talked to the anesthesiologist and gotten IVs hooked up and given blood........and even received my complimentary socks with nubbies on the bottom.......

After all that.....

They decide I have succesfully FINALLY miscarried on my own, the day before. All my tests came back clean.

Monday, November 24, 2008

I'm also worried, nervous, bleeding like crazy, over emotional, in pain, exhausted, a little irrational......uncomfortable.....let's see what else......throw in SMELLY, generally unhappy.

Since November 13 I've been seeking conclusion and looks like tomorrow I'm finally surrendering to the fact that mother nature will NOT just take care of this for me. I spent most of the day yesterday laying down, and basically all day today. When I got up to eat (a delicious late breakfast made by my Hunny)......it was all back on again.

I'll spare you the details, as sometimes guys read this, but let's just say - this isn't going away.The baby cells, and placenta cells are all gone, according to the ultrasound. But my body just isn't capable of healing itself this time. So I called my doctor, then I called my boss (who by the way seemed to know that I wouldn't be in and this wasn't going well....thank god)......

And then I told the husband that I have to be at pre-op tomorrow morning at 10:30 am. So, off we go tomorrow hopefully to drive an end to this process. They're gonna do a D & C and whatever else they gotta do while they are in there to stop the bleeding and clean out the mess. Good times, eh?

Now I'm trying to decide if I should shave my legs and paint my toes. I don't know why...I just seems like I should.

I'm also worried, nervous, bleeding like crazy, over emotional, in pain, exhausted, a little irrational......uncomfortable.....let's see what else......throw in SMELLY, generally unhappy.

Since November 13 I've been seeking conclusion and looks like tomorrow I'm finally surrendering to the fact that mother nature will NOT just take care of this for me. I spent most of the day yesterday laying down, and basically all day today. When I got up to eat (a delicious late breakfast made by my Hunny)......it was all back on again.

I'll spare you the details, as sometimes guys read this, but let's just say - this isn't going away.The baby cells, and placenta cells are all gone, according to the ultrasound. But my body just isn't capable of healing itself this time. So I called my doctor, then I called my boss (who by the way seemed to know that I wouldn't be in and this wasn't going well....thank god)......

And then I told the husband that I have to be at pre-op tomorrow morning at 10:30 am. So, off we go tomorrow hopefully to drive an end to this process. They're gonna do a D & C and whatever else they gotta do while they are in there to stop the bleeding and clean out the mess. Good times, eh?

Now I'm trying to decide if I should shave my legs and paint my toes. I don't know why...I just seems like I should.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

*I'm only sitting up right now, because my back is screaming from so much laying down. I promise not to sit up long. But It's killing me.

Okay........the miscarriage update.......

Well, I have several posts I was about to write - one went something like blah blah blah I'm so stressed I can't take it anymore I need for this to be over. Another one went Oh Yay heavy bleeding and cramping I'm doing great, even though this feels like labor and I want to kill someone this means we're moving along. There was going to be another one about a fist sized clot.....just to gross out the boys.

But then I had to go to the ER.

The short version of the story is that I was soaking 3 pads an hour. And I thought that this was heavy bleeding. So off we rushed to the ER where the lady who checked us in was casual about my massive bleeding and gave us forms to fill out. Seriously - I was clearly boring her with my tales of completely soaking 3 pads an hour. 3 BIG pads, just for a point of reference.

The Triage nurse was actually super sweet (I almost always love triage nurses, they are usually such kind people) - taking lots of time to listen to me as I explained ALL the steps of this process, of the drugs I had taken.....when suddenly I said "Oh my god I just soaked your chair with blood."

I stood up and blood just starts shooting out of me - soaking my jeans - and not to be too grotesque - leaving an actual puddle on the chair. It occurs to me that I am hemorrhaging and I feel panic. This part I remember VERY clearly. I remember lots of really sweet nurses, and a lot of "honey" and "sweetheart" talk....people getting towels, but I must've blacked out because then next I'm in a little curtained off room and they were suiting me up in hospital gear.

The weird thing was - there was no pain. The whole time I was there, probably from the blood loss - I was just sort of floating, zombie, sleeping. They came in and hooked me up for IVs, drew blood, did the WORST PELVIC IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, and then whisked me off for the longest ultrasound ever.

A teenager came in to draw my blood. This was probably the only time I got cranky - believe it or not. She about KILLED Me with the tourniquet, spent minutes trying to figure out how/where to draw me......and then mumbles, as she takes the tourniquet off and on for the third or 4th time, "I always have a hard time with the tourniquet." At which point I called to my nurse "I'm going to need an RN to draw my blood please!" Luce, my nurse, bustled, in took the needle from the girl and dismissed her. And smiled at me and said "Yeah I prefer an RN to draw my blood to."

Apparently hours and hours passed, but the nurses were really sweet - one in particular came back to tell me she met my family, and had given the boys juice and some graham crackers. She sat in on my various procedures/tests so she could tell them I was OK.

The staff were all sweating to death with the heat on in the ER but hurried to get me blankets because I was cold and after I was appropriately hooked to every machine conceivable......turned off the light in my little area so I could sleep a little.

I slept, listened to people around me tell the doctors about the car accident they had been in, the fire they had been in, about the last time they got shot and how it was worse than this time. It occurs to me, at one point, that they've taken me back with the more seriously injured - no folks with colds or stomach flu in this crew. I heard, at one point, them call to reserve an operating room - and tell whomever that it was for me. I listened to them talk to my doctor. They came in and explained the D&C - and that they would put me in twilight sleep for it but that they were waiting on the results of my ultrasound.

Then I slept some more until they came back. Apparently the great Uterine explosion of '08 cleared the rest of the tissue from inside me. They decided, with my OB, that I didn't need the D&C and I could leave.

My pants and underwear were destroyed (I am considering just tossing them, they are still in a bag) so they gave me a diaper (which at that point I thought was hilarious) and some paper pants to wear home.

The sweet nurse who had been keeping track of my family gave me a sack lunch with a sandwich, chips and juice, on my way out - because she knew I was starving.

I came home and slept like the dead. Today I've had some cramping and heavy bleeding but nothing like yesterday. The Husband took the kids to a train show so that I could rest in peace without little boys jumping all over me. So I napped for a while, watched a little football but then needed to get up for a while.

How do I feel?

Drained.

I'm not sure I can go to work tomorrow, because I still have some pretty heavy outpours, if you follow........and I don't know if I can handle that kind of thing in the office. At least I don't have to be afraid I'll get into trouble.

Virtual hugs, positive thoughts and prayers are now officially welcome. I can use them.

*I'm only sitting up right now, because my back is screaming from so much laying down. I promise not to sit up long. But It's killing me.

Okay........the miscarriage update.......

Well, I have several posts I was about to write - one went something like blah blah blah I'm so stressed I can't take it anymore I need for this to be over. Another one went Oh Yay heavy bleeding and cramping I'm doing great, even though this feels like labor and I want to kill someone this means we're moving along. There was going to be another one about a fist sized clot.....just to gross out the boys.

But then I had to go to the ER.

The short version of the story is that I was soaking 3 pads an hour. And I thought that this was heavy bleeding. So off we rushed to the ER where the lady who checked us in was casual about my massive bleeding and gave us forms to fill out. Seriously - I was clearly boring her with my tales of completely soaking 3 pads an hour. 3 BIG pads, just for a point of reference.

The Triage nurse was actually super sweet (I almost always love triage nurses, they are usually such kind people) - taking lots of time to listen to me as I explained ALL the steps of this process, of the drugs I had taken.....when suddenly I said "Oh my god I just soaked your chair with blood."

I stood up and blood just starts shooting out of me - soaking my jeans - and not to be too grotesque - leaving an actual puddle on the chair. It occurs to me that I am hemorrhaging and I feel panic. This part I remember VERY clearly. I remember lots of really sweet nurses, and a lot of "honey" and "sweetheart" talk....people getting towels, but I must've blacked out because then next I'm in a little curtained off room and they were suiting me up in hospital gear.

The weird thing was - there was no pain. The whole time I was there, probably from the blood loss - I was just sort of floating, zombie, sleeping. They came in and hooked me up for IVs, drew blood, did the WORST PELVIC IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, and then whisked me off for the longest ultrasound ever.

A teenager came in to draw my blood. This was probably the only time I got cranky - believe it or not. She about KILLED Me with the tourniquet, spent minutes trying to figure out how/where to draw me......and then mumbles, as she takes the tourniquet off and on for the third or 4th time, "I always have a hard time with the tourniquet." At which point I called to my nurse "I'm going to need an RN to draw my blood please!" Luce, my nurse, bustled, in took the needle from the girl and dismissed her. And smiled at me and said "Yeah I prefer an RN to draw my blood to."

Apparently hours and hours passed, but the nurses were really sweet - one in particular came back to tell me she met my family, and had given the boys juice and some graham crackers. She sat in on my various procedures/tests so she could tell them I was OK.

The staff were all sweating to death with the heat on in the ER but hurried to get me blankets because I was cold and after I was appropriately hooked to every machine conceivable......turned off the light in my little area so I could sleep a little.

I slept, listened to people around me tell the doctors about the car accident they had been in, the fire they had been in, about the last time they got shot and how it was worse than this time. It occurs to me, at one point, that they've taken me back with the more seriously injured - no folks with colds or stomach flu in this crew. I heard, at one point, them call to reserve an operating room - and tell whomever that it was for me. I listened to them talk to my doctor. They came in and explained the D&C - and that they would put me in twilight sleep for it but that they were waiting on the results of my ultrasound.

Then I slept some more until they came back. Apparently the great Uterine explosion of '08 cleared the rest of the tissue from inside me. They decided, with my OB, that I didn't need the D&C and I could leave.

My pants and underwear were destroyed (I am considering just tossing them, they are still in a bag) so they gave me a diaper (which at that point I thought was hilarious) and some paper pants to wear home.

The sweet nurse who had been keeping track of my family gave me a sack lunch with a sandwich, chips and juice, on my way out - because she knew I was starving.

I came home and slept like the dead. Today I've had some cramping and heavy bleeding but nothing like yesterday. The Husband took the kids to a train show so that I could rest in peace without little boys jumping all over me. So I napped for a while, watched a little football but then needed to get up for a while.

How do I feel?

Drained.

I'm not sure I can go to work tomorrow, because I still have some pretty heavy outpours, if you follow........and I don't know if I can handle that kind of thing in the office. At least I don't have to be afraid I'll get into trouble.

Virtual hugs, positive thoughts and prayers are now officially welcome. I can use them.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I swear, it's DAYS and DAYS later and I'm not done with this process. I've barely made any progress - like some sick labor that just takes it's time without result.I went to the obstetrician's office and they took blood to make sure my "levels" are coming down.

What if they aren't?

I'm now on a new drug, designed to "help my Uterus progress" with this process.

The annoying thing is I still feel some of the pregnancy things, the nausea, the swollen boobs. I just want them to go away. I just want it out of me. I don't want to feel like this - these things I was cherishing despite their ickiness are now just ugly reminders of what went wrong.

At this point I'd welcome the cramps from hell if they would just BRING the process on. And let me be done. I don't think it's asking too much for my body to cooperate here. But it seems like in this process, as in all others, it's not working as efficiently as it used to.

I swear, it's DAYS and DAYS later and I'm not done with this process. I've barely made any progress - like some sick labor that just takes it's time without result.I went to the obstetrician's office and they took blood to make sure my "levels" are coming down.

What if they aren't?

I'm now on a new drug, designed to "help my Uterus progress" with this process.

The annoying thing is I still feel some of the pregnancy things, the nausea, the swollen boobs. I just want them to go away. I just want it out of me. I don't want to feel like this - these things I was cherishing despite their ickiness are now just ugly reminders of what went wrong.

At this point I'd welcome the cramps from hell if they would just BRING the process on. And let me be done. I don't think it's asking too much for my body to cooperate here. But it seems like in this process, as in all others, it's not working as efficiently as it used to.