Climate change sets Bermuda Triangle adrift

The mysterious disappearance of a Russian cargo ship, which left Finland on July 23, has climate scientists fearing that global warming has set the Bermuda Triangle adrift on the ocean, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake.

Computer calculations by NASA’s Bermuda Triangle expert Dustin Morissette show that the triangle has been affected by rising sea temperatures, causing it to expand and break free of its moorings to Florida, Bermuda and Puerto Rico. This likely happened late in 2008.

“It seems incredible that nobody would have noticed,” said Morissette. “But we never even considered this possibility until it was too late.”

Researchers have now discovered that, in the past six months, the triangle has travelled freely around the world’s oceans, often with deadly results.

Incidents include pirate attacks off Somalia, where strange pirates appeared out of nowhere to take control of a ship, then disappeared as mysteriously as they came; the bizarre crash of an Air France Airbus 330 in the Atlantic Ocean, in which a single gigantic plane was transformed into 600 floating pieces, and, most recently, the disappearance of a mysterious Maltese cargo ship with its 15 mysteriously Russian crew.

Morissette thinks we have only ourselves to blame for the disasters. “This is a wake-up call for climate-change deniers,” he said. “We can now see that the effects of global warming are real, and measurable. One look at the Bermuda Triangle will show you that.”

The United States Coast Guard keeps records of shipping losses in the region, and has frequently dismissed claims that the triangle poses a special threat to shipping.

Said Coast Guard commandant Admiral Thad Allen, “The so-called Devil’s Triangle is no more dangerous than any other area of cursed ocean. It poses a threat only to those who foolishly enter its boundaries.”

But Allen admitted that a rogue triangle could be a far more serious threat to the world’s shipping. “If the Triangle has gone AWOL, that’s a whole different situation. The Devil’s Triangle must be caught, and, if necessary, destroyed.”