The Bachelor; Season Ben; Episode 9

I’m not gonna lie. This was a hard recap to write…you know why? It was 2 hours of the exact same date.

We are down to the final 3 folks and the only difference between all three dates were the location changes, the girl changes, and the Motivational Poster moments. Picnics. Hot tubs. Making out in the hot tubs. Then each date ended with an overnight hook up. You know, because Ben can’t decide who he wants the most until he sleeps with them all.

So I decided to spare you the typical play-by-play because honestly, you would have gotten real tired of being hit in the face by deja vu from paragraph to paragraph.

Date 1: Nicki

Helicopter ride over the alps
Picnic atop a mountain
Wine
Dinner at a log cabin
High five at dinner
Wine
Overnight date card, accepted
Champagne
Fur Rug by the fire
Hot tubbing
Sex
Soundbites and Motivational moments from the date:

“My relationship with Nicki is getting to new heights, but at the same time, it’s grounded.”

“Relationships can be a wild ride, but who better to have by my side than Nicki right now.”

“There’s something very wonderful about being in a relationship with someone you feel safe with.”

“I freaked out a little bit telling you I loved you, but I’m glad I did.” “I’m glad you did, too.”

“I am in love with Ben and I would LOVE to scream it from the mountain we’re on.”

“How many kids do you want one day?” “My sister and I both want 4 kids.” (Wow, really? Because that sounded like you just said you wanted to have 4 kids with your sister.)

“I wanna see if we can take it [our relationship] to the next level.”

Date 2: Lindzi

Helecopter ride
Adrenaline Date…repelling off a mountain ledge
Hot tub at the base of the mountain in front of a log cabin
We didn’t see their meal, but it had to be a picnic.
Making out in the hot tub
Wine
Dinner
Ben wearing a bowtie (WTF?)
Overnight date card, Accepted
Fireplace
Ben and Lindzi making out on the bed, with Lindzi wearing a man’s shirt and panties
Sex
Soundbites and Motivational moments from the date:

“We’ve taken our relationship to the next level. I’ve found love.”

“This should be a bonding experience. It should bring us closer together.”

“Repelling is like stepping into a relationship. Things get tough, people get scared. You’ve got to be there for each other. It’s just like falling off a cliff.”

“We definitely came together during the moment.” (um, who knew repelling could cause mutual climax?)

“I think you have to suffer hardcore heartbreak to know what real love is.”

“I’m falling in love with you, and I like where this is going and I want this to end with a proposal.”

“I’ve told Ben I’m falling in love with him and that wasn’t easy for me. I’m ready for the next step.”

“It’s really magical. The views are spectacular. I feel like we’re in a painting.”

“I can picture a life, see us starting a life and having kids.”

“This is what our life together will be like. Traveling together and having fun.” (Yes. Because everyone’s life after marriage is just like that.)

“It’s been a really long journey.”

“I’m disappointed in the way I acted with the girls. I’m hoping the damage I caused the other girls doesn’t make me lose him.”

Courtney did spend a bit of time explaining to Ben that this experience brought out a very bad side in her and she knows she could have handled it better. She doesn’t want him to think she’s a fake. Ben says that he feels like he knows her and that she’s the person he’s falling in love with and wants to be with.

Please note, he told Courtney he’s falling in love with her. He didn’t say he “could see himself” falling for her like he did with Nicki and Lindzi.

“I want some private time with you. I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level.”

As you can see, the dates were pretty much identical. Even some of the soundbites were identical. Ugh.

Next comes the obligatory return of the most recently released ho-testant. Kacie “shows up” in Switzerland because she needs answers and because she needs to warn Ben that if he chooses Courtney he’s going to get his heart broken.

Ben looks irritated as she begs him to tell her why. “I was so confident in what we had, I didn’t see that coming at all.”

“For me, I felt like we were worlds apart from where we come from. For me, I don’t think I could have given you all the things you needed from me. Did I see you in the end? No. I didn’t want to drag it out for you.”

I TOLD Y’ALL! Her dad being a tee-totaler and her parents views on them living together did Kacie in. Also, her baton.

Rose ceremony time…is there anyone out there surprised to see Nicki go home besides Nicki?

The Women Tell All episode is next week… and according to the buzz, the entire show is basically everyone dogpiling on Courtney and she takes it well. I’ll watch and let you guys know if she is truly sorry for how she treated the other girls or if it’s an act. You know I can tell. I have special powers like that.

its so hard to believe that anything involving the alps could be described as mundane- the bachelor must have set some kind of world record here..

what kind of person is able to say shit like that to three people at one time???

and the whole overnight date thing really skeeves me out.. most of all, probs.. so basically America (and the world at large!) know that you are doin the nastay dance with some guy on a reality show.. your elementary school teachers, mailman, neighbours are watching… iick..

I wonder if there’s something about STDs in the contract the ho-testants have to sign?? or what if all three got pregnant somehow?? that could be a whole reality show in itself.. Sister Wives, Bachelor edition????

the questions, oh the questions!!!

when’s the final????

(sorry, this disgusting topic is evoking way too many punctuation marks from me.)

The overnights didn’t use to squick me out so much because you really had no idea if they were knocking it out or not. It was handled with a little more mystery…now it’s just shy of an orgy. I mean, I’m all for free love and what not, but damn.

And how shitty would you feel if you were sent packing after your overnight date? Did I suck that badly? (or didn’t I suck enough? ba da dum)

I’m just going to assume that each fantasy suite is supplied with as many condoms as booze. I mean ABC is the “family” channel right? Surely they want to promote safe sex instead of family planning…

I think the finale is in two weeks. It should be interesting…

I’m so glad you are enjoying the recaps. Makes suffering through two hours of the same date worth it. haha

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