“All that is gold does not glitter,Not all those who wander are lost;The old that is strong does not wither,Deep roots are not reached by the frost.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien

Style Notes

My Grandfather

The shawl was a present to him from my mother when she visited Delhi, India’s capital city in 1980. He didnt cherish things but respected them. He wore it until the day he died two years ago.

His uniform : Crisp white cotton kurtha and pancha with no distinction between day wear and evening wear. He didnt associate brocades and silks with elegance. He saw it as excess. He in fact asked his daughters to give up the traditional clothing and wear menswear inspired clothing. They were repulsed and horrified by the idea. ‘His suggestions were too Coco Chanel in a society that liked its voluminous gowns and ruffles’ as my aunt puts it.

He wouldn’t approve of my shoe closet. I know it. “How many feet do you think you have”, he would have asked. If I shop less, he might approve of this blog.

I asked for the shawl and my grandma let me have it. How could she part with it? She mumbled something about how she wants the shawl to become a swaddle blanket for my future baby in his memory.

Walking around town with a shawl isn’t exactly a practical outfit choice. I don’t like or wear beige. But clothing has never been just about utility or sustainability for me. I don’t own a cardigan. I use this shawl to wrap myself when I work at my desk.

My 5-year-old nephew has a superman cape that he wears and runs around at his top speed. This shawl is my superman cape. I want to be like my grandfather.

A life time of experience wearing draped clothing is what Indian women have under their belt. My mother used to climb trees and ride buffalos in long maxi skirts. I on the other hand, struggle to take photographs/drive when wearing Indian clothing.

Thank you. I treasure that shawl. I now think the other grand kids will see this post and want it 🙂

My grandfather wore cardigans with elbow patches and beautiful leather buttons. I forgot the name of them now. I inherited his love for quality. However he also used to go hunting, smoke like a chimney and my great grandmother wore fur. Thankfully my mother abandoned all of those habits and so did I.

I didn’t know either of my grandfathers. One died when my father was around my age. The other died a few years ago at around 90 (my mother is 7th of 8 children). This grandfather was from a generation of Chinese peasants that saw great trauma and suffering. Even when I did visit my mother’s family, I recognized that this was a man whose life was the farthest from mine. Like many old, rural Chinese men, he wore a dark suit every day. He owned a general store in the village and I spent some time there running errands for him. I grew up learning and speaking “standard” Mandarin and couldn’t really understand his dialect so we couldn’t communicate easily. I don’t know much about him, other than he was a stoic, strict, hardworking person, and a devout Muslim. He was also very proud, and initially refused money that my mother sent home. I wish I could have known him better.

There existed a custom of quarantining women from certain aspects of life when they get their period in that generation. He is a reason my family stopped that practice. He was pro inter-cast marriage. … there are so many good things in my life because of him.

My grandpa (RIP) was extremely intelligent, self- educated, impulsive, emotional and curious man, who questioned everything.
As for his dressing, he was like many other Russian men of his generation- jeans were very rare product in USSR years, so he wore mostly tailored pants and bottomed- up shirts (even after jeans became common product).

Very touching story. I wish I had such a piece of clothing from my grandpa (he died 3 years ago). He wasn’t interested in fashion at all. He lived a very frugal life although he didn’t have to – it was just not so important to him. I like it that the shawl reminds you of someone you admire and of the person you strive to be.

Mine too. Whenever he sees one of us aiming for the stars through exorbitant living, he would have a ‘talk’ with us. He tried convincing my mother to build the smallest house livable instead of a mcMansion. His son did not do the big indian wedding but a registered marriage in court. He was a very simple and content man.

I have had this shawl for a while now. Only recently did some thing go off inside me that made me start using it. And I have seen him wear this shawl for decades. Its very familiar to me.

I have my greatgrandma’s saree which I don’t wear. I have my mothers pearls that I don’t know how to wear. But I have kept them. I don’t think I am sentimental about these things. I don’t wear a wedding ring. But it’s not static. I go through these phases where they mean something and times when I just want to declutter them away.

You are right about about slawar kameez. It’s usually paired with a scarf called the dupatta.

It’s so special to wear something of a loved one’s. I had the privilege of knowing both my maternal and paternal grandfathers. My paternal grandfather was a cowboy and a leather-worker. He made beautiful saddles, bags, boots…all with his hands. I have a worn leather belt of his with his name, “JACK,” stamped on the back. I treasure it but I also love to wear it, so much so that I was willing to part with it (and by that I mean send it to my parents for safekeeping) after it started to get moldy in the humid tropics where I live.

I have a wee collection of these items from a variety of my grandparents. A printed scarf here, some jewelry there…again, all little wearable memory treasures.

I have an older sister who is my fav person in the whole wide world. I have always worn her clothes as a kid and felt special that she gave them to me. I wear my husband’s clothes all the time. Now that I am wearing my grandpa’s clothes, it makes me think of heirloom quality and longevity of clothing. I want my purchases to last as long too.

If you ever get a chance, would you share pictures of your heirlooms with me ? (email : apaladug@asu.edu ).

I wear shawls/stoles on a daily basis nearly. I keep a couple of them (cotton) at work to protect myself against the constant and relentless air-conditioning. I always keep one handy while flying. I have a couple (silk) given to me by my Guru. Then there are some others picked up on India trips. I love wearing them, obviously. 🙂

I never met my paternal grandfather since he passed away long before I was born. As for my maternal grandfather (or Mutthachchan, as we called him), he lived a long, happy life. Us grandkids were lucky that we got to spend our early years with him. He was affectionate, gregarious and generous. He loved books and reading. He used to take me to the local library daily, and I like to think that he contributed to my love for books and reading. He had beautiful handwriting, and wrote letters regularly. My mom and aunt probably have bunches of his old letters stowed away. He gave me a tip that I still recall clearly – When you write a letter, it must be written such that the receiver feels that you are sitting right beside them.

He was such fun; sometimes I wish he had some more years to live. Would have loved for him to meet my husband.

A post shared by Archana (@touniversewithlove) on Mar 8, 2017 at 12:41am PST

my mum has a red shawl that I have been eying for years. My aunt has a navy blue one that is the shawl of my dreams. I decided I wont buy any and use the ones that are already in the family. Its a new territory for me but I am really really enjoying wearing mine. Did you watch Ram Leela ? All of Sanjay Leela Bhanusali’s heroines have a shawl that they wear with aplomb.

Thank you for sharing about your grandpa. You remember his handwriting ! Thats beautiful.

It must be lovely to have a shawl that you could eventually give to your baby, but which belonged to your Grandfather! My Grandma knit a shawl for my baby and it felt very special and welcoming.

I only really knew my maternal Granddad, but he was a lovely man. He’d trained to be an artist but ended up working for British Steel because he wanted to provide a secure life for his 4 daughters. He was kind, compassionate and eccentric. He wore ties as belts and long thick cardigans. He had Clarke’s Desert Boots and a bicycle. He took us walking for hours.

I don’t have any of his clothes but after he died, my mom let me have his fountain pen (he’d left it to her). Inrecently passed it on to my daughter who also loves to draw. It felt right, because I think she also has some if his kind, caring spirit.

I’ve enjoyed reading your story and the comments-all different,but full of memories and love for the grandparents
Your grandpa’s shawl is beautiful and I believe that you are feeling his presence wearing it
My father’s father had died before I was born,so I have known only my maternal grandfather
He really was a remarkable man. After 1945 ,with the communist government,almost all of his land was confiscated. He was never a bitter man,not thinking a lot about the past (this is something I admired). He was very inteligent,very curious,good-tempered,with a strong work ethics,determined to start over again….and he did!
I am very proud of my grandparents. My both grandmothers loved beautiful clothes and always managed to find special things
Dottoressa

My grandpa lost all of his land to his brother in tug of war on power. He gave it all up so that he neednt fight with his sibling. I still dont understand how he could do it but we are proud of him and support his decision.

I am touched that every one is sharing their personal memories upon my request. Thank you for sharing. Your story is wonderful.

My paternal grandfather died when I was very young and I hardly remember anything about him.
My maternal grandfather on the other hand was great. He was more than six feet tall and had very pale blue eyes and white hair, his skin sun-burnt to a dark brown. He was essentially a farmer. He wore work trousers (these used to be mass produced, dark blue thick cotton) every day, but always with a hat, he also demanded a clean shirt every day and wore a vest and a jacket on top. Only the hat survives and still hangs in the summer kitchen at the house he built- now my parents summer house.

He was a chain smoker and I blame my sentimental attitude towards tobacco on him. He loved animals, kept bees, horses, always had a mutt dog and a bunch of cats, made his own wine and loved to get random visitors drunk on it (one family legend says he once got the mailman so drunk, he had to carry him home). He used to lecture us about never trusting people who mistreat their animals.

“He used to lecture us about never trusting people who mistreat their animals.” Love this.

My grandpa was a farmer too. And then went into poultry farming before he retired. We didnt get denim in India back then and its too hot for it anyways. The farmers in my country wear a cotton wrap skirt like garment that they can adjust the length of. He wore a white one.

This was no denim either as this was in former Czechoslovakia, there was this mass produced worker uniform, called “montérky” which literally translates as “workers” and they used to hand them out to workers. They were very thick, almost canvas-like and sturdy trousers and a shirt from the same woven material, usually dyed a rich indigo color that faded into a greyish blue over time. I imagine the cotton wrap skirt you mention would be a much nicer thing to wear, especially in warmer weather.

I love that you are able to find style inspiration in the most innocuous places and thank you for making me think of my ancestors.

My grandfather built a wool-spinning business in Japan after he fled from the communists in China. It’s because of him that my mom’s generation and my generation of the family can live like spoiled brats. I’m super grateful and also inspired to be the kind of business person he was. I still have his treasured omega watch, which he wore for most of his life (though I don’t know where it currently is because I’m more thoughtless than I’d like to be). Anyway I know this post is almost a month old, but I just stumbled onto your blog and was super touched by your story of your grandfather. Your writing is beautiful.

Thank you for your kind words. And thank you so much for sharing a few words about your grandpa. Its a pleasure reading it. Sartorial inheritances make great stories and absolutely deserve to accumulate more memories.