...because all your hope will rot from the inside and turn into despair. (Just kidding! USA is #1!)

Sunday, January 20, 2008

My Most Inevitable Post Ever -- Part 1

First of all, shut up. I know "inevitability" is an absolute, and cannot be quantified. The title is just a bit of poetic license. Note, this quality is also true of "unique," despite some readers' faith in modern usage. Anyway, the point of the post is this: while some have decided to analogize the presidential field to college football teams (highlight: Edwards/Clemson -- "Attractive; high-energy; fan bases are an occasionally uncomfortable mix of blue-collar types and influential big-money boosters...") and others to the hip hop scene (Joe Biden/Joe Budden -- "I'm lazy."), I'm taking the obvious route here. I present the Presidential candidates if they were characters from The Wire...

John Edwards/Stringer Bell

Golden boys in their own right, both worked tirelessly to advance the goals of another (John Kerry/Avon Barksdale) who, because of stubbornness, would only disappoint them. Ultimately, both tried to change the rules of the game altogether and strike out on their own (eschewing the Democratic establishment for politically unsellable populism/eschewing the game for life as a legit businessman). Despite fiercely loyal fans, both had to meet their ends, sadly and brutally, at the hands of a fierce and unlikely tag team--Obama-Clinton/Omar-Brother Mouzone.

2 comments:

This is a silly thing to say. Profoundly so. Edwards is an insanely ambtious person, who worked the campaign trail as hard in the general election as he did in Iowa and South Carolina during the primaries.

As for him and Kerry hating each other, that is right. He thought Kerry should've reacted aggressively to the Swift Boat ads. That is, he thought Kerry shouldn't have half-assed it himself, which he did.

In the end, their relationship--always a professional one, and nothing more--unravelled completely when Kerry refused to challenge the results in Ohio. It is widely known that Edwards didn't want Kerry to concede the election and to demand an accounting of the Diebold machines. That's how much he wanted to be Vice-President.

Frankly, this is common knowledge, and might serve as good fodder for criticizing Edwards, but completely undermines your point.