Dirty Beautiful (2015) Movie Script

1 - I had this haunting dream. I thought I was alone and that I always would be. And then, I saw her. - You're the one, the one I've been looking for. So, what's your name? - Anything you want it to be. What's yours? - I'm David. - Oh, fuck me, really? Ya know what, I am so in the wrong dream. Yeah, I'm actually supposed to be meeting a. Hey. Are you Jeff? - High school, what comes to mind? First love, the prom. For me, it was Netflix. Ya know, Saturday nights, just me and my laptop. Annie Hall, Harold and Maude. Ya know, any of those unconventional love stories. Ya know, those were always my favorite. Oh, oh, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, god. It's movies like that, ya know, films that inspired me to move to LA and write movies of my own. So, here I am, years later, I still haven't written any actual movies. But, I've written treatments, which are mini scripts and I have a lot of ideas, a lot of notes. This one's about Kat. Trust me, she'd approve. Where to start? But I'm not telling this story right, and good story structure is essential. My life pre-Kat was quieter. I storyboard for a living, drawing pictures for other people's films instead of my own. - Don't tell us about you, that's the worst thing you can do as a writer. Save that shit for Facebook. Ya gotta be original. Not another time travel story, ugh. I mean, do time travel but, like the inventor is this real feminist, right. - Good, yeah, yeah, wait, and wait, the only way she can get back to her own time is to team up with a sexist guy. - Right, right, romantic, edgy, alright. The sexist, he rapes her, And then he's like a, she kinda likes it. So, is it really rape? We don't know. - Oh my god. This is exactly what Robert McKee talks about. I finally get it. I'm sorry guys, I just, I feel like Helen Keller, and you just taught me what water is. - Okay, who's next? David. You had a treatment you wanted to show us. - Um, it's not quite finished. - Dude, dude, show us something. - David. - David, do it. They'll make you cry like a little girl but, it's worth it. - Next time for sure, like, definitely. - Okay, okay. - Alright, Sara. Alright, you had a reality TV zombie pitch. - Zombie pitch. Yes, alright. Okay, check this out, scared alive, got scared straight, right? This town we put the juvenile delinquents in the jail, with real cannibals. - Get out. - Nicole, my best friend and the biggest crush of my life. I even based the female lead of my new script on her. So outta my league but, I made myself useful to Nicole, listened to her, helped her with her dialog. I thought, if you helped someone enough, eventually they kinda have to love you. The signs were there. I finally invited Nicole over to my apartment. It was time. - What? - Okay, um. Ya know, we're great friends, right, the best and I don't want anything to ever come between us but, I've been thinking about this for like, a long, long time. David. - It's okay I know. You're gay, and it's so okay with me. - No, god no, no. Why would you even say that? - Oh my god. I just thought you were building up to it, it just kind of made sense. - This sucks, this sucks. - Okay, so embarrassed. Alright, let it go, just forget it, gone. What were you gonna tell me? - Oh no, it's really awkward now. - No, no, just tell me, I won't say anything, I promise. No. - Woah, wait. - Hm, that went well. - I didn't. - Break ups were so painful. Especially the relationships that haven't even started. - Hey, Nicole. I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened last night but, can we talk? I'm around all day so. I'm so sorry. - I started hitting the bottle pretty heavily. - Voicemail, big surprise. Wow, I really thought you were different than this. Ya know what, call me, don't. Okay, Nicole, ya know what, our friendship ending is the best thing that has ever happened 'cause I need to focus on my work, okay? - I admit it. I have some issues when I feel ignored. I couldn't believe finding someone had always been this hard. What about all those primitive, tribal cultures? I have blessed peace With my Lord so near Leaning on the everlasting arms - A lot of them had arranged marriages. I could perfectly see the wisdom in that. Commit first, then, find the way to make it work. There had to be some way to do that. Skip dating, go straight to mating. And then I had an inspiration. - Let's get married. Let's seriously just do it. - A Craigslist ad like none before it. - David. David. David, I read your marriage ad. 50 years old, Croatian woman. I have a huge immigration problem. - I wouldn't mind getting married. Soon, if possible. - Yeah, I'll marry you. Then, you'll detail my car, you little bitch. - I am fuckin' pathetic. - You have no idea when you're life is about to change, ya know. There's no music queue, there's no VOICEOVER like "In a world where David's life is about to totally change." It just happens, for better or for worse. - Douchebag. Fuckin' cum sucking bitch. - Ride my dick like a Harley. - Fuckin' ugly. - You bein' funny again, is that your way of being funny? 'Cause you know I like when you make me laugh, yeah, yeah. - Let go of me. - Where are you goin'? Jesus, oh fuck, where you goin'? Oh shit, no. - Woah, what are you doing? - Go. Seriously, go. - No, I'm not getting involved with this. - You're already involved, go. - You little fucker, you little asshole. You wanna see me Hulk up on you, I will Hulk up on you. - Seriously, he'll kill us. - Goddammit. - Bitch, I paid for your boots. - Jesus Christ, I almost pissed myself. Is he still following us? - No, he's gone, chill. - Who was that guy? - Just another asshole. My feet hurt so bad. Jesus Christ, they smell bad, too. Shoulda took a shower at asshole's when I had the chance. - I guess I'll take you home. - I don't really have a home right now. - That's hard, I'm sorry. - Yeah, sucks. - What about your family, can they help you out? - My dad sits in his chair and drinks his life away and my step mom is a born again witch. Fuck, such a bitch. Fuck 'em, seriously fuck 'em. TMI? - Yeah, maybe a little. Yeah, just a bit. - I'm Kat. - Hey, David. Nice to meet you. Oh shit. My car is overheating. Jesus Christ. Gonna have to pull over. You piece of shit. - The old pull over the car trick. - No, no, I'm serious, sometimes I even have to like pull over a couple times just to get home. This can take awhile. Like, if you don't want to wait, you can. - Nope, I'm good. Got anything to eat? You want a hand job? 20 bucks, so worth it. - No, I'm good, thanks. - Ya know, I don't offer everyone. But, you seem nice and clean. - Yeah, I showered today, ya know, shampooed, conditioned, really went for it. Ya know, I don't think I'm actually gonna make that movie tonight so, maybe a few bucks would help. - I suppose you have a girlfriend? - Yeah, yeah, Nicole. We live together. - You're not from LA, are you? - No, from a little white trash town in Wisconsin. - Little white trash town in Idaho. - I'm sorry, I lied about Nicole. We're just friends. - So, you don't have a girlfriend? You want one? - Wait, what, what? - Someone to come home to. You take care of me, I'll take care of you. - Yeah, I mean, you'd say that to any guy right now. - I don't trust guys. I do you, you gave me half your Skittles. - You know, I can't just take you home, ya know? How do I know I can trust you? - You can, you know you can. - You don't just meet someone and then, bring them home to live with you, I mean, who does that? - You like me, you want to help. You wanna say yes, but you're afraid. If you say yes, I swear I won't do anything to hurt you. - I have a really small apartment. - Just do it. Let's go home. - Okay, yeah, ya know what, let's go home. Oh god, I'm sorry. Told ya it was small. - It smells in here. - Oh, the garbage shoot's right next to the kitchen but, they take the trash out on Monday and that helps, so. Here, let me give you the tour. TV is here, there's DVDs there. If you watch one though, try and put it back, they're kind of organized. There's not very many seating options. You could be at whatever seat I'm not. - You draw? - Oh, yeah, storyboards. So, a director will have ideas of how they want to shoot their movies and I'll draw the pictures of how it'll look. - That's cool. - It's okay. Actually, over here, this is my real passion. This will be my first screenplay, feature film. It's a big deal. - That's my note system. We don't want to touch that. I do recycling in the kitchen. We shoulda stopped at got groceries. - It's okay, I'm tired. I just wanna use the bathroom and go to bed. - I'm kind of an Eco guy, ya know, reduce, reuse. I think it's really wasteful to flush all the time. Have you ever heard, ya know, If it's yellow let it mellow And if it's brown flush it down - Don't flush. - I didn't flush. So worn out, I'll just shower in the morning. - So glad you came, Kat. It was the right decision, ya know, bringing you home. - I'm glad too, I'm just really tired, ya know, from being homeless. - Yeah, yeah, that's cool. - Oh god. I wanna text a picture of her to Nicole, right now. - This is awesome. Now I know where to find all the good chink food. - We'll work on the ethnic sensitivity. It's all good. - So, you were telling me before about the guy that left you? - Shawn. We came here together from Idaho, and talked about a whole band thing. I sing a little. - Wow, that's cool. - Yeah. 'Til I woke up one morning and it's like, where's Shawn? Just gone. - And he didn't leave you with anything? - 50 bucks, a motel cost more. - You must really hate him. - I didn't say that, I mean, you don't even know Shawn. - Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry. - Maybe he was scared, you know? He's not good at being close to people. - So, what did you do then? - Moved in with a friend, only person I knew in LA. Like an idiot I fucked her boyfriend. - Heh, oops. - It's not my fault she couldn't keep him satisfied, ya know. Alright, your turn. - What? - I told you my shit. Tell me something embarrassing about you. - I don't know, I can't think of anything. - Come on, there's no special guy you ever went down on? - What, where does this come from? - I don't buy it. - How can you say that? - Well, I mean, it's fucking stupid. Last year in Idaho it was fucking freezing. - No, temperatures are rising, okay? That's science, it's not debatable. - Oh, sweet, so easy. Score, there's like five or six bucks in here, for sure. - Give it back to him. - No way, he's just gonna drink it all away anyways. - Well give it to me. Give it to me or I'm not taking you back home. - You know homeless guys used to steal from me all the time. - Give it back to him. - Everything is such a big deal with you all the time. - You're stealing from a homeless person. - I am homeless. - By now, my contractions were three minutes apart. Yeah, I thought about saying goodbye, just gettin' the hell out. But, then I thought about going back to that tiny apartment, that tiny life, and I couldn't do it. Somehow I had to make it work. But then Kat started sharing again, her messed up childhood, getting molested by someone named Dick Outhouse, like the most obscene, fucked up country song ever. Oh god and her stories from the street. - I did some shit, ya know, but, I never like ate out of the garbage or anything. I met people like this old couple let me sleep in their garage, and I woke up one night, and sweet old grandpa is trying to finger me. I was like, "Really, wow." Viagra fuckin' works, let me tell you. - Yeah, ya know, I think we should probably head home. I'm not feeling great. - Dude, he's talking shit about me, you brought a homeless person back to live with you. How fucked up is that? - I know you've had it rough, alright but, if you let me I think I can help you. - No, no, no way, no way. I cannot stand cigarettes, no cigarettes. - I smoke, what do you want me to do? - Oh, hey Marcus. - Hey, what's up dude? - Not much, this is my girlfriend, Kat. - You have a girlfriend? - Yeah, why wouldn't I? - No reason, man. How ya doin' Kat? - I'm great. You're hair is amazing. I love black guys' hair, so thick. Shawn's hair was super thick. Woah. I could just drop ecstasy and do this all night. - Okay, cool. I got a party to throw though. You two should both come by later. - Yeah, yeah, okay, maybe. Ya know, we got a lot a stuff to do. - No worries, alright. Nice to meet you Kat. Later bro. - Why can't we go? - 'Cause we're still getting to know each other. We should be hanging, alright, us. - You're staring at my boobs. - God, no. - Yes you are, all the time. You want them? - You alright? You seem really, really quiet. - It's okay, just do whatever you want. - I think we should do this another time, ya know. When you're a little more into it. - Whatever. - You've gotta be shitting me. - Dude, I gotta drop her before she pukes again. She came to my party, she said you were tired. She's your girl so, I let her in. - Aw, goddammit, you fucked her. - What? - Aw man, she was totally into your hair. - Dude, are you crazy, I didn't touch her, I swear to god. But bro, she's wild. Okay, a lot of the fellas up there, they were hanging and they were drinking. Just sayin', you need to put a leash on her. - I thought we went over this. Found this plastic bottle in the trash when it's clearly recyclable. Don't you get it, we are destroying the earth, okay? You know, in 50 years there won't be any polar bears because there won't be any ice for the polar bears to float on and have their little polar bear parties, alright, do you understand this? Is that okay with you? - So, I killed the polar bears with the plastic? - Just make more of an effort, alright? I do a lot for you. - You get something out of it, too. I need an aspirin and a Redbull. - You even know how you got home? Marcus carried you, after you snuck out. - You were sleeping, I just wanted to have some fun. Nothing happened. - You don't even know what happened. You might have even been gang raped, do that even bother you? - God, just get some aspirin. - Get it yourself. She wants to play, yeah, let's play, Kat. Yeah, hell yeah, let's have some fun. I have some new rules. From now on, you are not allowed leaving here unless I go with you. And if I go out, you go with me. - That would make me like a prisoner. - Well, that's a bad attitude. - Grounding me, I'm so gonna fuck with him. - She's not gonna fuck with me, at least not the way she thinks. - I said we could have sex, what more does he want? - Intimacy, affection, ya know, some flowers would be nice. - Unless he hits me, I'm not leaving. - Unless she hits me, we're sticking this out. - I'm gonna make his life hell. I'm gonna watch him squirm like a bug and then squash him. - I don't see how anything could go wrong with this. Is there any way you could stop pacing? Okay, it's challenging, right but, we can make this work. - I can't watch TV because you can't focus. What am I supposed to do all day? - Read, alright, go online. You're lucky to spend your time like that. - I feel lucky. - Just like my mom, the glass is always half empty. - Is this her? - Yeah. - Just the two of you? - Yeah, my mom and dad never got married. - Bastard, huh? - And if you can refer to me as that, awesome. - I'm an only child, too. My mom died when I was little. Dad's told me stuff but, I don't really remember her. - I'm sorry. - I'm gonna be a mom someday. - Really? - What, I'm not the type? - I didn't say that. - Girls who give hand jobs might make the best moms, god. - Okay, I'm sorry. - I thought Shawn would be the guy I'd have kids with. Guess he had other plans. - You're pacing. - I wanna take you home right now and. - God. - Make love to you. I want to. - What? - I can't say it. - Oh well. - I wanna get you pregnant. I wanna get you pregnant so, that we have to settle down and get married. - Hey, that's my short film. - Is that what this is? - Yeah, I wrote it and I took it to festivals all around the country. What do you think? - Pretty trippy. - Yeah, it's surreal, but it's like funny. You know, actually, the script I'm writing is the feature version of the short. - Oh, so, you'd make a whole movie about people on their first date? - Yeah, ya know, it's the high hopes, the anxieties. - Yeah but, who wants to watch people eat dinner for two hours? Kinda retarded. - Wow, you just revealed your total ignorance of independent film. Ya know, smart people like to watch things more than blowing up. - Whatever, I'm just trying to find something to do while I'm all locked inside. - Ya know, I have so many great ideas for this film. And that's what I'm working on when I'm writing. - I never see you writing. You're just moving little notes around. - No, I'm preparing to write. Ya know what, forget it. Ya know what, this script, this is like my shot, okay? You don't know how hard it's been for me but, I wrote a 217 page treatment speculating on a new Star Wars trilogy and you know what? An agent threw it at me. And it hit me in the groin. I don't know what I was thinking bringing you home. We have nothing in common, zero. You think you could help with the dishes for once? - You're the one that got most of them dirty. - You're pacing. What? You're pacing. This is the storyboard I was working on then. It was a slasher film, which is perfect because when I was drawing it, I was like, "She's gonna kill me, in my sleep." - So hot. - Yeah, in December, you wanna tell me again how you don't believe in climate change? - I need to go out, need to go out, need to go out. - If you're quieter maybe later I'll get you some ice cream. - I'm so sick of this. You are going to fuck me. It's the only reason you keep me around. I told you, fine, just do me with your tiny dick, 'cause I saw it coming out of the shower. Oh my god, I've seen lots of them but, yours is like, oh my god, the smallest. So, what, where? On the bed, on your fucking notes? Just get it over with. Okay. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what to do with you. Sometimes, I really want you here but, sometimes I can't handle you. - Let's just forget about this, okay? - Yeah, that'll be easy. - We should get out. That's how you get cabin fever in here. We could go to the beach, cool off. - In my car? We'd never make it to the 405. - Is there a pool around here? Such a pretty little thing Heart melts on the spot Every time I look at you babe I know I hate that I Tell me all your stories All the good and bad dreams - No, I'm still adjusting to the water, okay? - Take it, bitch. - Don't. - Oh, okay, alright, alright. You sure you wanna do this? Truce, truce? Come on, I will drown you. I will drown you right here, right now. - Who are they? - Marco? Marco? - Polo. Tangled up in you Crazy thing called love Ever since this has started honey Can't get enough Such a pretty little thing Heart melts on the spot And I know you'll keep Keep holding on to me Keep holding on to me Keep holding on to me Keep holding on to me - No, no, no, don't. I'll pee again. - Oh, you're such a delicate flower. Oh, who needs a breath mint. - Hold on, wait. - You can kiss back, it's okay. - You're trembling. - Hey, Kat, wake up. You were on the streets for months. It was more than just hand jobs for ya, right, it was? - We used a condom and I got STD checks at the free clinic all the time. - No, that's not it. Hey, I mean, you did what you had to do. I just really need to know. If you don't tell me, I'm just gonna awfulize?? this and I'm gonna think the worst. - It was mostly hand jobs, quick, didn't have to get naked. - And you um, blew guys, that must've happened? - I could totally lie, you would have no way of knowing. - And what else? You must've slept with guys, huh? - Hell yeah, for a while I wanted to be a hooker, beat the hell outta bein' homeless. That was before the rape. This one asshole got me alone and hit me really hard. He said he'd beat the shit out of me unless I fucked him so, I did. That's rape, right? Except like, I was on top doing him but, it's not like I wanted to. After, I told him I had AIDS and ran. Cocksucker. There was the one dude who masturbated while I made out with his girlfriend. - Okay, Jesus, I get it, okay. - I'm a dirty whore, just say whatever shit you're thinking. Do you want me to leave? - When I was 18 I got this job at a trendy restaurant. And one night this older guy was hitting on me. He was telling me that he was meeting this big TV producer for breakfast and that if I went with him, he would introduce me and maybe get me an internship. I would do anything to get into the industry. We go back to his house, and he keeps pouring me drink after drink. He starts playing these mind games like, because I didn't know my dad, am I afraid of male affection? And what's the difference between a female blowjob and a male blowjob? But, I wouldn't let him touch me. And he said "Don't you think you owe me something?" And then he took my hand and he put it on his thing. And I didn't jerk him but, he moved my hand. And you get it. Here's the thing, when all that happened, I had a place to sleep, I had plenty to eat, I wasn't on the street all alone. We should get some sleep. - It's not a big deal, what you did. - You're right, it's no big deal. Decembers here All my loved ones near Singing songs all through the night And we're sitting by the fireside This time of year With my family near It all turns white today And I know its gonna be okay Woh oh It's Christmas Woh oh It's Christmas - We could watch It's A Wonderful Life tonight. Or ya know, I have the 1951 version of A Christmas Carol with Alastair Sim. - Oh my god, I love that one. Can we get a tree when we're out? - No way. Christmas trees are completely wrong alright, they cut millions of them down for nothing. - Okay, a plastic tree. I can't believe you have a job thing on Christmas Eve day. - I know but, I gotta meet this director. They got rid of their storyboard artist, and I could really use the gig. Ready for the road trip? - All packed, Christmas tequila. - Can't you go anywhere without drinking? - Uh, yeah, when I'm stoned. Can't I just wait for you one time? - Maybe in the new year. I just really want you with me. Now, ya understand this is a business meeting, right? You can't come in there with me. - I'll just wait in the car like your dog. Oh, crack the window for me. - Hey Sara, if Craig's not here in five, I'll personally piss on his face. - Jamie. Hey, how are you? - I'm great, it's good to see you David. Thanks for meeting me here. I'm getting ready for some test shoots after the holiday. - Am I interviewing with you? - I am the director. I saw your name up for the storyboarding job and I wanted to surprise you. - Well, I am surprised. - Let's just put it out there. I was an asshole to you after our thing. - You were slow in getting back to me in that you never did. - Truth is, I was so drunk that night, I dimly remember a tiny apartment you had then with the smell from the garbage shoot. - It would make me feel so much better if I could do something for you. I saw your car when you pulled up so, I'm guessing you could use the work. - Yeah, wow, huh. So, you're directing a feature film now? UTA went batshit for my script so, I attached myself as director. They keep saying I'm the next Lena Dunham. Let me see your drawings. Everyone uses software now to storyboard but, you still draw by hand, that is so cute. Your drawings are good. You ever thought of making this your career? - No, no, I mean, I like drawing but, I live for writing. - David, have you even written a screenplay yet? It's just in our writers group you never had anything to show. - I'm outlining a feature right now, okay, and I am that much closer to writing it everyday. - Alright, whatever you say. But, as a friend, if you're that afraid to write, move on now. Don't waste the next 20 years of your life. - I've gotta go, I've gotta a lot of Christmas stuff. - I'm only trying to help. Hey, you can still do my storyboards. - I hated your writing, alright, if you won an award, it'd be the crappy. Seriously, if he read her script, Billy Wilder would just puke. - God, pick up the shattered pieces of your life and move on. - Why are you so pissed? Ya know, you have been in a bad mood since we left. And now my car is overheating again. Why does Christmas always suck? Our Christmas tree. - You're wasted. - I got it, just, got it? Hold this for a second. What do you think? Should we put the lights on it, or do you think that would cause like a fire? - Okay, now I helped you even though it totally scratched up my arms. You wanna give me like the best Christmas gift ever? - What? - Let me go out alone tonight. - Seriously? - I have a friend, I just want to hang out with him. - With him? - He's a dealer, okay, I just want to chill and smoke some weed, that's it. - It's Christmas Eve. - I need to get out by myself, for once, okay, I'm upset. - What, you wanna leave me alone on Christmas Eve? - Please let me out, please let me out. - Why are you so upset? - When I've been on Facebook, I've been trying to reach Shawn. In my head I'm always like, "He doesn't know where I am, "If he knew he would come looking for me." And I messaged him a bunch of times and today he wrote back, and he said, "Don't try to find me again, ever." Like I'm a crazy stalker, I mean, he's the crazy one. - Shawn is the one that left you. He is the reason you were on the street. - I knew you wouldn't be supportive. - Supportive? I've been feeding you, I've given you clothes. - Oh, keeping me inside like your pet. - What did you expect, huh? You wanted Shawn to just come in here and sweep you away? Tell me. - I love Shawn, okay, I'm always gonna love him. Shit. - Do you even like me? Or is this all pretend so you can stay here? Can I give you a ride somewhere? California Christmas California Christmas It's got me down today It's a California Christmas And there's no snow And there's no one left to play California dreamin' California livin' California price to pay - Hey baby, come on, come on. - That's David. This is Armstrong. - Yo, hey, man, you want some I mean, it's old but, I think it's still good. No? Kat likes the spliff but, I got other shit, man. You can take that in the back room, man. She gonna be stayin' a while. Hey my baby, my friend's gonna be so glad to see you. We're gonna make us a little extra this holiday, know what I'm sayin'? Ho ho ho. - Hey Kat, can I talk to you for a second? What did he mean? Is he gonna be your pimp, Kat? - Don't pretend like you care now. - I can't believe you're gonna do this. - Yeah, make money, get my own place. - Oh, you think he'll let that happen? - I'll get a place, I'm not taking any more shit from every asshole with a dick. - Oh yeah, 'cause prostitution is so feminist. - Ugh, such a prick. - Ya know what, just for the record, this isn't my fault, okay, you had options. You coulda gone and lived with your family, you coulda gone to the YWCA. I am not responsible for you anymore, okay. - I don't want you to be. - That's right, it'll be okay, honey. - Ever see the movie Crash? Not the everyone's a racist movie but, the David Cronenberg's Crash. It's where people, they drive around and they get into car accidents just for the sexual pleasure of it. My attraction to Kat, it was sometimes like that, ya know, anticipating the jolt or waiting for the pain, the adrenaline. It was very exciting, if it doesn't kill you. - A little stinky, huh? Maybe we should get in the tub. I gotta take me a leak. - Hey. I came back for you, okay. You don't have to do this, alright, come on. You wanna go, yes or no? Let's go. Oh hey, she's changed her mind, alright. She's gonna go. - Kat, you gonna leave me alone with all this fine ass weed, is that it? - Thanks for getting me ripped, I've changed my mind. - Boy. - Hey, no, Jesus, please, no. - Tryin' to just fuck me, is that what you're trying to do, bitch - I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, okay, no. - Fuckin' outta here. - No, no, alright, I can't leave without her, okay? I can't and I won't. Please. Please. - Okay, make me an offer. Come on, motherfucker, how much you wanna pay for her? How much? - My mom, she gave me all this money right, for new tires cause my breaks, they and then I come off the, I've got about $341 but, this is all I have. - My man, sold. Yo, I hope she worth it. - Here. I took down the Christmas stuff, 'cause I'm done with Christmas. I had a spare key made. I don't know what you're gonna do out there but, whatever it is, I want you to come back here after. This is your home now, too. I put my script away, it's done. I'll draw when I have to but, mostly, I just want to take care of you. - No, it's green, you're into that. - I'm so good at this. It just feels like, oh god, like I'm in a giant straw, ya know, one of the ones with like the loops, and I'm getting sucked through it. Actually it's freaking me out. - Here. How's that? - That's good, that's good. - I watched your short film again. - Really? - Mmhmm. Why'd you put that stuff in there about her getting pregnant and getting married? - It was kinda funny, ya know. - That's it? - Well, there's me not knowing my dad. I would never do that. I would never get someone pregnant and just walk away. It's like this feeling. If I ever got someone pregnant we'd be like jointed, right, and we'd be together forever. And we couldn't even get away from each other even if we tried. Oh, that's weird. - No, it's not. - It's just a fantasy. - Okay, I have a baby thing. I totally do. When I'm around them, I'm just kind of happy. When people don't let me hold theirs, I get so pissed. I know zero about them, they're just kind of cuddly. Oh, and I love baby booties. No, seriously, it's like a fetish or something. - Have I ever told you about Tristan and Isolde? It's a really old story. They go into this cave of lovers. And it's just them, they don't have anything else. And they're away from everyone. They just live there. That could be us. - It's kinda like a cave in here. I've been on the water and roads Every mountain, every valley, every coast But nothin' ever got a grip on my heart There's never that comforting glow Like arms wrapped around your soul Me and my home shall never part Home Whoa oh oh home Whoa oh oh home I'd rather be home Home Whoa oh oh home Whoa oh oh home It keeps calling me So I'm coming back I'm coming back home Whoa oh oh home Whoa oh oh home I'd rather be home Home Whoa oh oh home Whoa oh oh home It keeps calling me So I'm coming back I'm coming back I'm coming back I'm coming back home Whoa oh oh home Whoa oh oh home Oh oh oh oh I'm coming back home Whoa oh oh home Whoa oh oh home Whoa oh oh Oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh - This is like my first real Valentines, no boyfriend even got me a card. - Really? I always got one card on Valentines, from my mother. Which, for the record, is way worst than getting none. This actually seems like an appropriate time. - Oh my god, are you serious? - There were so many I liked for you. I know it seems a little environmentally extravagant but, you're worth it. - Okay, you know how you were really pissed at me on Christmas Eve and you were all, "Do you even like me?" - That's not how I sound. I like your laugh, like a little boy's. I like how safe you make me feel. I like that you trembled the first time we had sex. - Don't stop, those aren't even the best ones. - I'm just trying to describe how I feel. My grandma had Alzheimer's. She would jump around a lot in her mind. Like, sometimes she'd be really young and have her two little daughters. It was really sad. But, it was also kinda poetic. 'Cause right before she died, she was going back to her happiest moments. When I'm old and tired, I wanna come back to this place. - Wait. Our fantasy, should we just do it? What time is it? - It's after noon. I was already gonna be working by now. - Ya know what I'd do at my old job when I overslept? Blow it off. - The cocktail hours started moving up. 4:00 PM, 2:30. I remember the first day we had margaritas for breakfast. We drank and watching Leaving Las Vegas. I'm not even sure we got the irony. The challenge was coming up with things to do. Ya know in plays like Uncle Vanya, Chekhov was always stressing the importance of keeping busy. I wonder if he had a binge and purge phase, too. So gross. God, look at us. And this was a good day, shit. So much we should've seen coming. - Shit, it's April 1st, rent. You think our landlord will accept payment in tequila? - Um, I'm pregnant. - Aw, April Fools, dude, you totally nailed me. - It's not shocking, we haven't used a condom in a while. Now, we really can't get away from each other, huh? So, do we get married now? - What do you think? - Shit. We need more money. - What? - For the baby, we'll need more money. Don't stop. - Okay, I thought about blogging. - Oh, lots of money there. Are you slowing down? - Ya know, we should talk about you maybe getting a job. - I can't work, hello, having a baby. - Yeah, well you know in the olden days women used to just like plow the fields until the baby would just drop out. - Well that was retarded. - You know you can't be drinking while you're pregnant, right? - Once in a while isn't bad. - Uh, says who? - Like that show you had me watch. - Mad Men? - Yeah, pregnant moms drinking, smoking. Babies still got born. Cashier, telemarketing, we'll find something for you, honey. - I don't feel up to this. - Walmart greeter. Hey, how much you think an exterminator makes? Security guard. Sweet, you'd get a Taser. - Hey, guess what, script's back on. I think I was just tired before but, a lot of these notes are really, really great. Oh, and guess what. So, there's this guy from my old writers group, he sold his script to Paramount. Dreams do come true. And Jamie is a soul-crushing bitch. - Great, as long as that's not your total plan for how we'll survive. - Hey, I can do this. - Okay, god, should I get out my pom poms and do a cheer? - No. - It's my first all day, I swear. Goddammit, you have a drink, chill a little. - What did we talk about? - But, I'm drinking for two now. - That's not funny. - You make me anxious, be sweet again. - I'm sorry, okay, I will be. Just let me get some work done, okay? Kat. Kat, come on. - Come here, come on. - My notes. - Ya know what? Fuck you and fuck your notes. Yay. Daddy's home. Oh my god. Come here, I've been looking online. Baby monitor, guess we won't need one of those. Bonnets. Oh, baby booties. See? I'm working stuff out. So, you don't worry, no, you don't. It's all good. - I can't believe you did this. - Now, don't you do or say bad things. I'm celebrating. We never even celebrated this. Uh oh, daddy's mad. - Just sit down, okay. We need to just stop for a minute and think about this. Oh god, my hands are shaking. God. Is this how guys become absent dads or abusive? I'm scared, okay? What kind of life is this for the kid, huh? How are we gonna raise it, seriously? - I can have a baby alone, I don't need you. - How are you even gonna support it? How are you even gonna live? - Oh, right, you know what, fuck you. Just like your dad, he walked out on your mom and you're walking out on me. - Stop Kat, please. We can't go through with it, we can't. Kat, please. Kat. Just stop, okay, stop, stop. - No, stop. - Don't say that. - No you lied to me. - I didn't mean to, okay, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry. - No, leave me alone. - I'm so sorry - Stop touching me. - I'm so sorry. - Stop touching me, please, stop. - I'm sorry, please no. Kat, I'm sorry, okay. - I'll stop drinking, okay, all by myself. - We can't, okay? - Please. I'm never doing that again. - Come on, you should take your pills. - Take them later. - You know it doesn't mean we couldn't try again someday. You know, when our lives are more together. Honey, can't we just talk about. - It's too early for that. - I wanna go home to Idaho, I need money for the bus. I never wanna see you again. - Alright, take it. Alright, just fuckin' take it. You know what, just take everything like you always fuckin' do, alright. - Take your fucking key. Fucking asshole. What if Joan of Arc Was looking for a spark For the kindling in her heart For the flame And if superman Was her biggest fan Would he hold her hand Through the flame Even on that fiery day Joan of Arc - Hi mom, happy Mother's Day. Was heard to say - No, I'm doing great, why? I'm alive I'm alive - What can I say? Matter decays, the universe ends. That's reality. Guess I should clean this place up a little. I went to a 12 step meeting after Kat left, just to check it out. They said if you can't help somebody without expecting something in return, you shouldn't do it. That's my relationship with women. It's helping them, expecting something in return. Hi Kat. Been looking for you here on Facebook. I wish you would say hi and tell me how you are. Hey, you know the couple we used to watch with our binoculars? I see that the girlfriend has moved back in and they're having more of that nasty makeup sex. Bet you wish you could see that. L-M-F-A-O I have something to share. - Oh my god, David wrote a real script. Look, look, pages. - Yeah, well, don't get too excited, alright, you guys are gonna hate it. It's okay, seriously. 'Cause I like it. - So great, we finally got a David script. - And we have Dan's. - Romeo and Juliet. - Those aren't comedies. I'm not talking career suicide, I'm talking like suicide suicide. - He's not foolin' anyone, he's not gay, man, we are so. - Dan, you're up. Suicide pact buddy comedy. - I don't believe suicide comedy's been done yet. - Are you kidding me? - What about Harold and Maude? - Yeah. - No, no, no. Well, okay, I'm talking like double suicide. - Well, that's it. Now, I honestly loved Kat so, I don't want this to sound mean but, my life is better without her and it's not just because she was insane. It takes two to make a relationship crazy. Oh, something I wanted to show you. There's this theory, that the universe doesn't just break up in the end. But, there's actually a new universe growing inside of this one, and eventually it'll just push the old one outta the way. Creation, constantly rewriting itself. I like that. There's a little light shining down Just enough to make me see A little light is all I need There's a little light shining down My life is better without her. Hello. What happened? Oh my god, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, I know where that is. No, no, I'm gonna come to get you, alright, just stay there. Yes, in my car. - No, no, god no. I made it. Are you alright? - I got a cell phone now so, that's cool. - What's up though? You said there was an emergency, you were in trouble? - I got left here. - Yeah, and? - I need a ride. - I didn't even know you were back. You know my car broke down on the way here. I had to get a ride with some weird guy, he was like some sort of like faith healer, and he put the car on cruise control, and he tried to expel demons from my forehead. Enough with this bullshit, okay? Seriously, why'd you call me? - I'm back. Take me home. - So, who left you, huh? Was it your new boyfriend? Oh, David will take me back, he's a big pussy. Right, cause I'm a big comfy vagina? I can't do this, not again. But, you'll survive, you always do. Stay, alright, stay right here and don't even think about following me. Go. Okay, you need some help? Go. You know how much I gave to you? Do you? No, no, no more. No more. Brush me off but I'll be back Your runaway talk well it is just that - We can't let the apartment get so messy. Alright, I can't write when it's messy. You try to outrun your ghosts You say I couldn't possibly know But I know You need someone - I'm just saying, people can change. You believe that, don't you? And I bet you know You need someone Well I'm standing right here Got my heart wide open I'd like it to be me If you need someone I'd like it to be me Don't go it alone It's a long enough road And I'd like it to be me If you need someone I'd like it to be me Well there's not a soul That hasn't felt lost But a little hope Can fend the pain off Well everybody's got their own pain I ain't that naive But I know We all need someone Well I'm standing right here Got my heart wide open And I'd like it to be me If you need someone I'd like it to be me Don't go it alone It's a long enough road And I'd like it to be me If you need someone I'd like it to be me Well I'm standing right here With my heart wide open And if you need someone I'd like it to be me