Coca-Cola Freestyle Soda Machine

Today, lunch consisted of a trip to Burger King. I hadn’t been to BK in a minute, and it’s not the same fast food establishment it used to be. The menus are flat panel tvs, there are hi-res images on the walls of people eating obviously-not-Burger-King food from glass bowls and ceramic ramekins, everything was surprisingly clean, and then when I went to fill my drink cup…

O_O

Motherfucking Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, what IS this thing?! A HAL9000 soda fountain? I really didn’t know what to think at first. So I think “Okay, press soda button, receive soda.” WRONG. Press soda button, and open the floodgates to goddamn soda nirvana. A second screen pops up that asks “What fucking KIND of Coca-Cola do you want? Regular? Vanilla? Lime? Raspberry? Cherry? Orange? Cherry Vanilla?”

My god.

Dude. Man. Folks. Seriously. ONE-HUNDRED-AND-TWENTY-SEVEN kinds of carbonated and non-carbonated beverages from one freestanding unit. I held people up from getting their drinks because I wanted to scroll through each drink and their flavors. And what’s this?! A Mello Yello button?! Aces! But I thought “Surely there’s no other Mello Yello besides regular and Zero.” WRONG. There’s cherry, grape, orange, and peach. At this point I started to question everything and that maybe God does exist… but then I looked back at the hi-res photo of the wealthy people dining on fine food that’s supposedly Burger King food and I came back to Earth. But this has to be the most amazing thing to hit the soda world. Just to give you an idea of the insanity that lies at your fingertips… here’s the list of ALL flavors you can mix and enjoy (cue the Micro-Machine Man):

Fffffffuuuuuuu. THIS is the future, my friends. It warms my heart that my two little girls will be raised in a world where their soda choices are so robust. Coca-Cola Freestyle… you win. You fucking win and then whip people in the face with your gold medal. Then you pee 127 different types of tasty beverages on them. The ONE and ONLY downfall of this machine is the old people and hilljacks in line who just don’t get it. Here is a link to a video representation of what happens… but that’s not the machine’s fault. Long live the Coca-Cola Freestyle.

Welcome to Snort Ramen!

You've reached "The best junk food review website on the Internet". Junk food reviews, stoner concoctions, and vintage snacks. Saddle up and ride, we’re hittin’ the junk food game hard. We’re tapping the veins for sodas and doing lines of ramen. If you don’t think you can hang with some of these concoctions and reviews, you’re gonna get left in the pixie dust. Eat a burrito and listen to Slayer.