Exp DNA tested our Dc behind my back

I am beyond angry that exp ordered a DNA testing kit from the Internet on our then 7 year old and took a swab from his mouth.This was done on a contact visit and I have just found out what he had done, dc now is ten, im so upset and raging that he did this to dc.I dread to think what my dc was thinking "why is daddy doing this".His then girlfriend at the time was putting doubts into his head that dc looked nothing like him and that's why he did it. Surely this is not right behind my back.

If he had concerns it is ok he did it. It's a casual mouth swab not a major operation. He has as much right to do such a procedure as you. From your DCs view, they prob remember nothing and it hasn't affected them at all.

I would be a bit pissed off that my integrity was questioned and he felt the need to, not that he'd actually done it if you see what I mean.

At that point I didn't know this. It's a weird situation because of what has happened to her in the fact that he had beaten her up very badly and I thought that I could support her. We are both scared of him and I guess we could relate to each other because he is very controlling. It's been very disturbing hearing a lot of things from her that took place in their relationship and how he treated ds.

I thought that she may not be telling the truth. But what has she to gain by lying? They are not together anymore. Did she want to get it off her chest now that we are on speaking terms for the minute as I now want to distance myself from her. In my mind it was a very sly thing to do by the both if them. Then she tells me that she loved ds to bits!

Not sure about needing swabs from all three parties, but, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to do a DNA test without the mothers consent. Surely the "father" can't sign as he doesn't know whether or not he is the father before getting the results

Would the ex be prepared to write a statement supporting her claims about your DS' father's treatment of him, and the arguments about paternity happening in his presence? Coupled with his abuse of you and her, I'd be looking at revisiting the court ordered contact, tbh.

I don't actually see much wrong with DNA testing on the quiet, if the child is never told. Better for the child than CSA ordered, which means the kid is very likely to learn one day that Dad doubted s/he was his. I think the treatment of the child would be my concern.

A DNA test on a child requires either consent from the child directly or, if they are unable to decide, the written authority (not just a signature) of whoever has parental responsibility. If this applied to the father, then such a test could have been carried out without the mother's permission.

He only doubted it because she said to him he's not yours in their arguments. He had never once doubted our child's parentage until she put it into his head and that's is what I'm angry about. We were together and no cheating on my part ever took place and it was not an issue between us. In my head its very hurtful that we made and brought a child into this world together out of love at the time, for him to do this.

But OP, you contacted the ex-gf yourself because you had such a low opinion of this bloke you wanted to support her as a fellow victim. And you don't even know if she's telling the truth about the DNA tests, either - or whether he did it to shut her up. You don't have any respect for him (from the sounds, very well-justified) and know he's an arse, so why are you shocked and hurt that he's been equally mistrusting of you? He's an arse, and they don't trust anyone anyway. Why does it matter that an abusive ex didn't think highly of you, other than it hurting your son?

Thing is you had love at the time but now you have split up, so presumably it's no longer there. He had a seed of doubt and if left that could have caused worse problems than getting the test. And he proved the GF wrong so presumably if she tried to get at him by saying it he could shut her up with the proof.

The more honest thing to do would be approach you but that would have started world war three I expect, if you knew she was saying this stuff of course you would have been livid.

There was no need for him to take the test, as it was never an issue. He told me that ds was having his surname and not mine.If he was in any doubt, seven years is a long time just because his girlfriend threw doubt into it.

I would be angry too, because I'm not a liar or a cheat, and I wouldn't be happy to have that questioned by my ex's new partner. If he had doubts I would expect him to raise them with me, and we would do any necessary testing together.Having said that, there's nothing you can do about it, so best just to move on.