“We’re showcasing the facile, pretentious, economically-absurd ideas of a new generation of knob-ends.

“People who can’t get money from conventional banks because their schemes are fucking ridiculous and also they’re 35 and still live with their mum.”

Utter dickhead Julian Cook, who prefers to be called ‘Chip’, is pitching for £350,000,000 to fire a cheesecake into space.

He said: “My business Space Cheesecake is a radical vision of pointlessness. I haven’t finished writing the sales spiel yet but it will mention ‘eco-powered’, ‘interactive’ and use the phrase ‘above all, it’s about fun’.

“I’m also pitching an idea where money gets liquified in a special blender, I then drink it and literally piss it away.”