Discussing race with children crucial to building empathy

Education starts, continues and ends at home. When positive family values are missing or not passed on, children are in danger of accepting dangerous, disrespectful stereotypes instead.

With racism it is no different. So every Australian parent should thank Sydney Swans' Adam Goodes. He has been dignified and non-judgmental in handling a racist insult from a 13-year-old girl during, of all things, the AFL's Indigenous Round.

For Goodes, the girl's slur ''gutted'' him but he can be proud of the positives that have emerged since. The event has provided an education for the girl and her family. But its true worth is the lesson of empathy it provides for a multicultural nation like ours.

As her team struggled against the Swans, the girl called Goodes an ''ape''. She claims it wasn't meant to be racist. Any empathetic, respectful adult would know the potential of the term to deeply offend a proud indigenous man.

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Yes, the Collingwood fan is not an adult. Goodes was right: she was an ''innocent'' and should not be vilified for her actions. That would be as shameful as those who took to social media to pile more abuse on Goodes.

But in large part the girl's age and intention does not matter, in either a legal or human sense. What matters is too many Australians like her lack the empathy to recognise how their actions can hurt others.

Now film footage shows another Collingwood fan shouting that Goodes received a free kick only because he was black. When other fans complained, they were shouted down.

Social cohesion is only possible through mutual respect for differences between people; by judging each other on character, not appearance. Every child is capable of becoming an adult who values and practises such common courtesy. You can disagree with others - that makes Australia free - but, in footy parlance, children should be taught to play the ball, not the man.

Yet psychological research shows many white parents do not discuss race with their children due to neglect, difficulty or fear of highlighting differences between people. This ''colour-blind'' approach is doomed to fail. Infants do see differences between races. From the age of six they begin to take in stereotypes.

Early reinforcement of the positives of respect and celebration of difference is important. Older children often ask questions only to have Mum or Dad shut down debate. The kids sense the race issue must be important, but with no explanation at home they are vulnerable to other influences such as peers, social media and ideological racism.

How parents and society counter emerging disrespect is crucial. The Australian Psychological Association's 1997 position paper says punishing children for behaviour verging on racism just makes them see the world as a threatening, distrustful place. So they seek power over others to maintain control over their own lives. The AFL approach to the Collingwood girl at first verged on punishment by humiliation of her and her family. The follow-up counselling was laudable, as was the rapid apology from Collingwood chief Eddie McGuire and redoubling of the code's anti-racism efforts.

The multigovernment Playing By The Rules program, of which Goodes and rugby league champion Greg Inglis are ambassadors, suggests the codes should display rules prominently at grounds, make regular announcements and monitor behaviour. While worthy, they do not tackle the broader culture of disrespect. Talking to children about racism engenders trust and empathy, making kids more able to resist negative stereotypes.

The association also suggests parents seek out different cultural role models for their children; tell them about people who have fought racism; and celebrate anniversaries of these heroes' lives.

The Goodes incident fits each of these. But perhaps the key guideline is to expose young children to people from another background before the kids have formed their own biases and prejudices.

Person-to-person contact is crucial to any redemption; from prisoners of war under the Japanese to visiting a mosque frequented by moderate Muslims.

The more children discover first hand that people of different appearance are just like them, the better Australia will be. That's a l esson we all need.

Thank you, Adam Goodes, for delivering it.

16 comments

I agree that Goodes showed great leadership on the day and since. The only way to stomp out racism and bullying is to report it immediately and stomp on it through education.

It is time that all football crowds stoppeed using any perceived error or favourtism as an excuse for letting out abuse. Yes barrack for your team, but there is no need to abuse the other side or the referee. You can certainly question the referee and or point out what you belireve is the correct decision without engsaging in personal abuse.

Restraint by all would ber a good thing.

Commenter

ltl

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 11:15AM

Major news item- "Girl calls man an ape".

Good Grief. What are the media coming to? I've been called worse things than that.

Commenter

David Morrison

Location

Blue Mountains

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 11:20AM

Yeah, if a white man gets called an ape it means that the person thinks he is a buffoon but if an indigenous man gets called an ape, it is rascist. Victim mentality on display for all to see.

Commenter

Lisa

Location

Sydney

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 12:17PM

What happens when the parents are racist to start with, not to mention racism being promoted by politicians or commentators.Not a big fan of Eddie McGuire usually but totally agree with this statement :Politicians set the tone for the type of country that we will get and the voters go along with it. We all have to decide whether we're going to be a red neck, hick country, or we are going to be a country that is very much involved in tolerance," he said.Having lunch with the family yesterday I do wonder if we are not already a red neck country.

Commenter

SId

Location

ACT

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 11:24AM

Politicians are blamed for many things, but I doubt whether we can pin blame on them for the words of a rude young teenager.

I also doubt wisdom of jumping on the "racist" bandwagon so often when we are dealing with plain rudeness and ridicule. It seems that some people just love to see a racist under every bed. We don't always have to put rudeness in a particular box.

I speak as one with grandchildren with at least seven distinct ethnicities in their blood.

Commenter

David Morrison

Location

Blue Mountains

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 11:43AM

It doesn't matter what race, what religion or what background there bound to be a bunch of bad eggs. Its like in every few thousand screws there is a defective one. This is perhaps something people fail to see. The small minority of people doing stupid things does not represent the cultures they belong to. Often these negative actions are more memorable, along with misunderstanding of others (or the unwillingness to learn about others), these can become lethal mixtures.

Sure, we like chucking out jokes every now and then, this is the birthrights of Australians. However, there is a fine line between jokes and insults. Some doesn't know when to stop, while others use the joke pretense to cover up their insults.

Commenter

Pomato

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 11:24AM

"Yet psychological research shows many white parents do not discuss race with their children due to neglect, difficulty or fear of highlighting differences between people."

Thank God. Most white parents don't have a clue what they are talking about.

The last thing I want is ignorant white parents telling their wide eyed kids their monumentally ignorant ideas about race from the prism of their 99.9% white social circle.

I once listened to a middle class ra-ra mummy in Bondi explain why my skin was black to her daughter on a bus. It was comedic in a overwhelmingly depressing kind of way. She was so convinced she was doing the right thing. Bless.

10/10 for effort - 0/10 for content and execution.

Let's just say the words 'chocolate' and 'cupcake' were used in her mini-speech.

*shudder*

Please don't underestimate the idiocy of the Australian public on issues of race. Let's not forget that the white Australia policy only ended in 1974. Thats about 50 years behind a whole host of other countries.

Commenter

The conductor

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 11:24AM

It is time to cease dividing Australians into indigenous and non-indigenous Australians. Hysterical claims of racism on the weekend, have now been revealed as a young girl that was unaware of the racist nature of her comment, and a fan that felt Goodes was receiving preferential treatment due to his aboriginality during Indigenous Round. Indigenous round should be scrapped. It is time to treat all Australians as Australians.

Commenter

adam

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 11:44AM

A recent Dutch study found that anti-racism school lessons had the opposite effect than intended because it merely draws attention to difference - eg highlighting ethnic emnities, or female circumcision. In addition, white students resent indoctrination and being told they are racist when they have done nothing wrong, and it was found that minority students tended to be more racist. Source UK Daily Mail 26.4.13.

Commenter

anti postmodernist

Date and time

May 27, 2013, 12:02PM

"and it was found that minority students tended to be more racist"

It so did not. You have just made up a conclusion that suits your prejudices. This is the exact quote from the newspaper you referenced:

"It said boys tended to be more intolerant of other groups than girls, and intolerance was greatest among those with strong religious or ethnic identity, among those from Turkish or Moroccan backgrounds, and those with the lowest educational achievements"