September 16, 2018

By any standard pain is powerful, but for a masochist it is even more potent. Pain can unlock the mind, or shut it down. For a masochist, it can quiet the loudest of thoughts, and leave in their place the echoes of affection.

Sadness, for most, will mean that they need to be held until the tears stop. When other women are angry they may need space to cool off. Perhaps when they are frustrated they need time to think, and work through the problem.

But that isn’t what I need. I need pain.

For a masochist, for me, pain can heal. Do I want to be held? Yes, of course. I need to feel the firm pressure of your arms around me, and your soft words whispered against my ear. I need you to hold me and tell me that it will be okay, to talk me back to reason, and remind me that this too shall pass.

But first, I need you to pull me over your knee and warm my skin with the touch of your palm. I need you to coil your hand around my neck until my sorrows fade to black. To tie me down and multiply my tears until there are none left to be cried. I need you to drown out my inner monologue with the floods of pain.

Not because I’ve been bad, not because I shouldn’t be sad, not because you don’t want to hold me, but because you know that your hand on my skin is affection. Because you understand that the lingering heat, the sharp sting, and the aching marks your hand leaves in its wake, still my mind. They remind me that despite the storm, I am yours. Because you know that the pain tells me that I am loved, and some days the voice of pain is the only one I hear.

April 15, 2018

Showing yourself to be submissive is not a sign of weakness…it , in fact, shows great courage, confirming who you are, your true inner identity…That’s why you, as submissive, and always with the premise of taking care of yourself, must not hide away your emotions or your inner motivation. Above all you demonstrate you know your place which implies, in my opinion, that you will never let others coerce you, blackmail you or impose anything on you – unless you want it. To please others should not mean to stop pleasing yourself.

December 25, 2017

December 24, 2017

She said, ‘As a child I liked best torturing my brother’s action figures. I used to do it with my best friend Caitlin. Twist their arms and legs and pretend to hear them scream. Once we tied them up and used one of mother’s cigarettes to burn between their legs. When we were older Caitlin and I tortured each other. Simple, but great fun. And the cries were real, no need for us to pretend.

December 17, 2017

Yeah, I know that “Sunday morning” feeling well. Last night you were Superman, leader of the pack drinking everyone else under the table. But this morning, well, even the fridge light is so bright you need sunglasses to look inside that mother…

And let’s not mention the fact it took over an hour to get out of bed – because, weirdly, it felt as if someone had tied your balls to your damn foot!