"I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen."

>Back to base

>It’s been hectic two weeks back at home. More hectic than work was in Delhi. And more taxing too, because there’s so much emotional drain here. It’s like being sucked back into a vortex of inanity – relationships, conversations, situations that are redundant.

I feel a disconnect with this life. Given a choice, I would so love to get out of this city and be by myself. I do not seek so much company that I have in Lucknow. Because I realise I’m much happier by myself, without the burden of meeting people I have nothing to do with (emotionally and otherwise), keeping up with them, going to late-night parties… Am I being an escapist – trying to avoid people and circumstances that ARE my life? I don’t know. But I like to believe there’s this life I have and there’s this life I’d like to have. And it can’t be so wrong to want one over the other(?)

I’m not unhappy to be back home, if that’s what you think. But honestly, I could do without so much that this return to base implies. My responsibilities at work have increased manifold, and it takes away all my energy, so that by the end of the day, I’m looking for solitude and rest, not unnecessary action. I am a people’s person, but not after I’ve spend 10 hours at work, battling all sorts of challenges, done all the talking, thinking, ideating that there is to do in a day.

Sometimes, I think this must be what growing old is all about. Perhaps, it is. But what’s the point of growing old if you can’t do it your way?

>I know the feeling. being alone is a skill. you will master it as time goes by and then you will learn to do it in a crowd.By the way,#1 mistake we all make… we are always 'doing' and forget to just'be'.shalom!