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A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.The old man looked off in the distance without answering.'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.The old man slowly looked at him and said,'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, near the coast off England . The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.

US Navy: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid collision.

British: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

US Navy: This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

British: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.

US Navy: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States ' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. That's 15 degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

But, "How do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."

God Is A Genius!

While creating wives, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.

[FONT='comic sans ms', sans-serif]The older I get, the better I was.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT='comic sans ms', sans-serif]
Several days ago as I left the club, I desperately gave myself a

personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my car keys.
They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the club revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically,
I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for
leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the
best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be
stolen. As I burst through the doors of the club, I came to a
terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was
empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed
that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered.
I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in
the car, and it has been stolen."

[/FONT][FONT='comic sans ms', sans-serif]There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped,
but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you
off!"

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care.

"The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right, he's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch."

So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ..... but all men...are men!

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the
bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.
'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny.

'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'

'That's perfectly all right,' replied the
snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm
blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal
are you?'

'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny..
'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he
said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and
a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny
rabbit!'

The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But
by the way, what kind of animal are you?'
The snake replied that he didn't know either,
and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished,
the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he
replied, 'You're cold, you're slippery, and you have no balls...You must
be

Recently in Singapore there were some high profile under age girl prostitute case going on the prominent figures in the society. Below is a good joke... lol

guy: $5 ?lady: I am not that sort of person.

guy: $50lady: You think I am what sort of person ?

guy: $500lady: Tonight I am your woman.

guy: $5000lady: Tonight you can don't even treat me like a woman.

guy: $50Klady: I don't care you bring how many people.

guy: $500Klady: I don't even care is it human.

(quoted hardwarezone)

A day after their clients were charged, several of the lawyers representing them on Tuesday said they are planning to band together to approach the Attorney-General's Chambers to have the prostitute's details in court papers.The girl's name has so far been left out of charge sheets, with only the alleged pimp Tang Boon Thiew cited.Mr Subhas Anandan, who is representing 10 of the 44 men, said the plea will be for a gag order to be imposed, so that the girl will still be protected and not have her identity publicised.Otherwise, he argued on Monday, the charges were 'flawed'.Lawyer Amolat Singh said: 'The charge sheets should set out her date of birth so we know she was below 18 at the time of the offence.'

Signs that you desperately want a new racket

1. Out of nowhere, you start to develop allergic rashes while holding all of your more than half a year old racket
2. The amount of clash that you make with your racket against your partner's racket is more than the amount of serve that you perform in the entire match
3. You've forgotten where did you place all of your old racket
4. All of your saving will be drain every month just to buy a new racket
5. Even after you've bought every new racket there are in the market, you've still want to buy a new one even if it is from the same brand
6. You start dreaming inventing your own new racket
7. You don't mind that you don't own a new car, a new iPhone, a new LED TV as long as you have a brand new racket.

Signs that you start to hate your double's partner

1. You frequently make a mishit that end up hitting your partner body.....especially his head
2. While your partner is at the front court, you frequently and purposely with all your heart lift all the birdie that comes to you so as near as possible to your opponent front court praying that they will do a front court jump smash towards your partner
3. You frequently blamed him for not doing a smash even in fact he's struggling to return a smash
4. You praised your opponent for his effort in winning their point after smashing your partner
5. Most of your deadly smashes end up being received by your partner
6. Suddenly while playing, you've forgotten that you have a partner and the game turns into a 1 vs 2 game play
7. Frequently you forgot who is actually your partner even in fact he's your cousin
8. Before a tournament, you end up discussing your game-play strategy with your opponent instead with your partner

God created the donkey and said to himThe donkey answered:God granted his wish and

God created the dog and said to himThe dog answered:God granted his wish andGod created the monkey and said to himThe monkey answered:God granted his wish andGod created the man and said to himThe Man respondedGod granted his wish andTHAT’S LIFE !

Signs that you're addicted to Badminton Central

1. Most of your court are booked through BC........ and
2. Most of your racket also are bought through BC.......which means that
3. Most of your unwanted racket also are sold off through BC
4. If your internet line is down, you feel horribly depressed, far greater than loosing your brand new VTZF
5. All of you birthday, anniversary and social gathering are done through BC
6. If you're given a life and death scenario which in results you must choose between your money or BC.....you won't hesitate to choose BC
7. You hope that one day....one day....there is a racket being invented that comes with a brand name of BC
8. You hope Lin Dan is a BC member.............( is he ? )......and Dato'.....and PG.........
9. Early in the morning, most people will start their daily life with a breakfast...or smoking a few stick of cigar.......but you........you will definitely start eagerly to log in to BC
10. You start to advertise the "like/thanks" icon everywhere in your house, office, parking lot and especially inside the badminton hall where you play, hoping that you will get the same good feeling results similarly when people posted "like" in your BC profile
11. The amount of your time connected with BC has surpassed the amount of time of your working hours.
12. You start to ask topics that is not related to badminton in BC
13. You just successfully log in to BC far longer than logging in to Facebook
14. You start to tell your family members and friends that if they want to keep in touch with you, don't call your hand phone but instead just log in to BC and message you
15. For every 1000 post that you made, you will celebrate like you just get married.