Sex, Intimacy, and The Necessity of an Orgasm

Sex can be an emotionally charged experience for anyone and mainstream media often seems to portray sex as having a goal; that is, orgasm. But what if you just want to be intimate with your partner with out the need or want to have an orgasm? Is that an option? I think most people would say no; the goal of sex is for it to feel good and if it feels good then it leads to orgasm.

But I posit that it does not have to end in an orgasm to be pleasurable or fun. It is simply another form of taking care of yourself and your partner. Intimacy is incredibly important in a relationship and what is more intimate that going down on your partner, gently, just for the feelings of pleasure and closeness that it provides. Or caressing them gently all over with no goal in mind other than to simply touch them. This is something that happens in my own relationship and dozing off to being intimately petted and rubbed by my partner is simply wonderful. Sometimes I’ve had a long day and am too tired for that orgasm, but I want the contact and this is a way to manage that. I feel just as loved as if I’d been thoroughly fucked and had a dozen orgasms, perhaps even more so.

So why do people put such a high value on having an orgasm every time they have sex or sexual contact. Why is that seen as the ultimate pinnacle of pleasure? Have we become so conditioned over the years to think so? And if so, where exactly did this conditioning come from. Perhaps because the evolutionary goal of sex is to create babies and that means the man, at least, has to come. And, if I recall, there was at one point at least the belief that a woman also had to orgasm for pregnancy to have a chance of happening. So perhaps the need to orgasm is simply hardwired into the human brain.

With that said, though, there isn’t a reason in the world why sex or other intimate contact has to include an orgasm unless you want it to. Sometimes you can touch your partner without that being the goal and it happens anyway. That’s fine. But learning the art of being gentle and going slow and not rushing for an orgasm can be an excellent addition to your repertoire of things to do with your partner that increase intimacy. I feel that it creates and element of both care for your partner and self care for you because neither of you are under pressure to “perform.”

Overall, creating more intimacy in your life with your partner is an excellent goal to work for and I feel like this kind of gentle self care approach is a good way to go about it. And don’t feel like this has to be limited to something you do with someone. Why shouldn’t you be able to touch yourself and simply enjoy that feeling as well. Another form of self care right there. Be present with yourself and your sexuality. Own it. But above all take care of yourself whether that means no orgasms or a dozen.