What to pack for the zombie apocalypse

If you’re thinking that zombies aren’t a big deal and preparation for an attack is unwarranted — think again. Society is flooded with TV shows, movies and video games which promote the likelihood of a zombie apocalypse. A zombie virus can easily trigger a state of emergency. People need to take shelter to avoid infection. Emergency kits with food, water and supplies should be on hand.

Fortunately, you have this handy guide to help you prepare for the zombie apocalypse. We, not surprisingly, suggest that you store these items in a nearby self storage unit for easy access as the zombie horde descends. We’d also encourage you to go ahead and print out a copy. We anticipate that Internet access will be scarce as Western Civilization falls to the undead.

Get A Self Storage Unit

The first thing you need to do is find a place to store all of the supplies for the impending zombie apocalypse. Be it a self storage unit in a small town, isolated in the boonies, you’re gonna need it and you’ll need to get there as quickly as possible when the mayhem begins. We’ll leave that location of the local storage unit up to your discretion. But inside the unit, everything will need to be organized in different sections, so that it will be easy to hole up in the storage space if necessary and also to load up items to head to another safe location. One great option would be to rent a mini storage unit or a mobile storage unit, so you could keep this wealth of supplies near your home. But again, it’s up to you (and possibly your homeowners’ association!) on this front.

Food and Water

Arguably the most important thing to have in your storage unit is food and water. If you’re going to be holing up for a few weeks while the first destructive wave of zombie hordes passes, you’ll need a supply of fresh water in containers that are easily accessible. You’ll also need canned food or MRE’s, which won’t go bad and can be consumed without access to gas or power. Of course, you can also stock up on butane or Bunson burners which will allow you to actually do moderate amounts of cooking, but these are little extras. Basics like fresh water and canned goods are the most important here.

Zombies, as has been well-documented, have to be speared in the head before they are dead and no longer a threat. This can occur in a variety of ways, be it a bullet through the brain or a knife into the brain or even a sharp stick into the brain—whatever you can find that will puncture their brains, basically. In other words, a bullet from a gun is not the best weapon, for a variety of different reasons. For one, you run out of bullets. Second, the gunshot is loud and will draw more zombies to you. The ideal weapons to protect yourself from zombie hordes are long sharp objects, like sharp pieces of farming equipment, homemade bayonets, homemade spears and bows and arrows. This is not to say that guns are not effective, but they shouldn’t be the first or only line of defense. Plus, you really can’t store explosives in the old storage facility, so you should cover your bases by creating your very own Hunger Games-style arsenal.

Books, Musical Instruments and Other Things to Help You Metaphorically Escape

Let’s be honest—the zombie apocalypse is going to be horrifying. Which is why you will probably need a lot of time to escape from all the traumatic violence you will be experiencing first hand. Which is why books, musical instruments and other forms of entertainment that don’t require electricity will be key to your survival. It will also keep you from going mad and killing the other survivors around you in the down time between foraging for food and fighting off brain eating zombies. Stock good books that can be read repeatedly over many decades and some empty journals, so you can chronicle your life surviving the end of the world as we know it.

Tons of Batteries and Fire Starters

While all the other survivors go around boasting about how bright their maglites are, allow us to make a suggestion. Find yourself some high quality night vision goggles so you can watch them get mauled from the bushes.

Barring night goggles, make sure a vast amount of your storage unit is dedicated to replacement batteries for flashlights, as well as matches, lighters and other fire making implements that can be used for candles. You should probably have a number of replacement bulbs for your flashlights as well, so they won’t be useless if the bulb breaks or burns out. Having the ability to see at night will help your survival and also make you feel a bit more normal after the sun goes down.

Some Sort of Vehicle

No matter what you pack into a storage unit for the zombie apocalypse, you’ll probably run out of it at some point. So you’ll need to move and find more supplies. Which is why you’ll need a vehicle, preferably one that has a small sampling of the aforementioned supplies you would have in your storage unit, as well as certain features on it to make the vehicle zombie-ready. This should be some sort of sports utility vehicle or truck, with large tires, a grill guard, thick-paned windows and decent gas mileage. This is obviously something you would want to outfit before the zombie apocalypse really gets going and while your friends and family might think you’re nuts for turning the family car into a rugged, zombie killing death machine, you’ll get the last laugh when you’re rolling through abandoned neighborhoods easily gathering supplies and they’re barricaded in their homes, running out of food.

The day when your perfectly manicured lawn turns into a pile of rotten flesh, you will have the tools needed to prepare for a real life World War Z. But if the zombie apocalypse never happens, you’ll be ready for practically everything else — even an alien attack.

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