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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

CNN Calls For American Surrender To North Korea

Atlanta, Georgia - In an extremely embarrassing mix up, CNN mistook a published statement from North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il as their regularly delivered daily talking points from Karl Rove and the Republican Party. Assimilated Press is being told by corporate insiders that this mix up occurred when an intern was told to retype the Republican talking points on CNN stationary as is the accepted protocol with all Republican talking points. However, because the young intern was new to the job, he accidentally confused a statement from the North Korean dictator that had just come in over the wire service with the memo from the Republican Party. He then retyped the statement from Kim Jong-il on CNN stationary and distributed it to all of the news staff as their daily Republican talking points.

Unfortunately for CNN this mistake was not caught for hours and resulted in the cable news network leading with the breaking story that "It is time for American imperialistic forces to surrender to the peace loving citizens of North Korea and their heroic leader Kim Jong-il." Compounding this error, CNN anchors and reporters throughout the day repeatedly said that "North Korea is entitled to nuclear weapons and that it is the United States that must give up its arsenal since it is the rogue nation."

Wolf Blitzer of CNN said, "When will the aggressive American dogs leave the Korean peninsula so that the people of Korea can be united in peace?"

And Heidi Collins, also of CNN said, "America must become a good citizen of the world and agree to all of North Korea's terms before negotiations can be started."

Eventually, the young intern realized he had made a horrible mistake and told his supervisor what had happened. CNN then distributed the correct Republican talking points to their staff and issued a statement blaming the Clinton administration for the whole mishap.

2 Comments:

Earlier this week CNN reported inaccurately that the US must yield to North Korean demands. This incident happened when an intern at CNN used CNN stationery.

The Drudge Report has discovered that this stationery was not, in fact, actual CNN stationery but a clever counterfeit.

According to several experts, the "C" in CNN was in a proportionally spaced font. The use of proportionally spaced fonts did not come into common use for graphics until introduction of high-end word processing systems from Xerox and Wang, and later of laser printers, word processing software, and personal computers. They were not widespread until the mid to late 90's.

In 1980 when CNN was created by Ted Turner people used different graphics for this sort of thing.

I am saying these stationery pages are forgeries, run through a color copier to make them look official.

I am positive that the people behind these forgeries are purposefully trying to plant false information about the Administration prior to next week's elections.