Welcome back to the third, and final, episode of Bill Nye: Episodes Not Released to Children. I’ve been asking myself constantly, “Taco, what could this Fic really use?” And by constantly, I mean at least once. It took me a while, but I finally came up with an answer: this fic really needs a wall of dialogue. Luckily for us all, the author was more than happy to oblige with episode 3! 95% of the episode is dialogue, which fills that need very nicely.

But before we charge headfirst into this murky pool of dialogue, once again the author has provided a very poignant note on the chapter that must be shared.

Welcome back the Smurf of the Dead, a painfully-written Smurfs fanfic in which there is a zombie virus infecting the Smurfs. Here are the salient points of the previous 3 chapters just to get everyone caught up:

1. We’re dealing with standard zombies here – a bite or scratch spreads the infection, and a shot to the head is the only way to kill them.

2. Chernov is a tall, green, author-insertion, know-it-all, douchey hero Smurf. His house contains technology way beyond what the rest of the Smurfs have.

3. 15 Smurfs are currently barricaded in Chernov’s house hiding from the zombie Smurfs. Chernov went out with bitten-but-not-a-zombie-yet Hefty Smurf to look for suvivors.

Good morning! In an explosion of inspiration, our author has uploaded up to Chapter 20 of her shipwreck of a fic. I’m going to try to pump out multiple chapters if I can, especially since she seems determined to merely follow the general plot of the 4th PotC movie. The good news is that the fic is now completed. Huzzah! Before we begin, however, I’ll recap.

*takes a deep breath*

Jace/Jaicee, a Pirate-Sue who isn’t actually a pirate as I doubt she’s ever done anything pirate-y in her entire existence (except maybe download music off the internet), was sent 260 years into the future when she was 8 years old because Captain Barbossa wanted her dead. After lighting her stove on fire with the cunning use of water, she gets kidnapped by Barbossa in the future and, using a “neckless” her father (Jack Sparrow) gave her before she went forward in time, she goes back in time to her original era, but 8 years into that era’s future. Are you following this okay? Don’t worry if you aren’t; it doesn’t make sense even if you know what I’m talking about. Anyway, she meets Dad again. Together they take fifteen minutes to locate her mother (Angelica Teach), who found her own way back in time without any specification of how she did so. Now, for reasons unexplained (a lot is left unexplained in this fic…) they’re on the Queen Anne’s Revenge, following the plot and dialogue almost verbatim from PotC: On Stranger Tides.

Good morning! I know in the past we’ve used Sundays for good fanfiction and Tuesdays for various degrees of art, but as our wonderful editor Tovah has been snarking on Tuesdays (and as we have no good stories to share at the moment) I’m going to highlight some art today. Even though we have yet to have a Dr. Who fanfic riff, I’m sure it’s forthcoming so I don’t feel bad about jumping the gun and posting some amazing Dr. Who art. Lara found this gem:

This was done by the talented SheldonSands. You can find her deviantart account here: SheldonSands. Go get lost in her gallery.

Another week of the continuing adventures of Dawn and I can safely say that I’m still bored as hell with this story. There was so much insanity at the beginning, so I stupidly assumed that the story would continue to be amusing. Boy was I wrong. But I don’t give up easily, so we’re going to finish this thing, even if it bores us to death.

We are on chapter 17, which is titled Boar hunting. I, for one, can’t wait to see wait sort of trouble Dawn will get into while hunting boar. The chapter starts off with a bit of narrative describing Sawyer chasing a boar out of his tent one night and a synopsis of the survivors going after Ethan and Charlie killing him. Really, if I wanted to know what happened on the show, I would just watch it. I have all of the seasons on DVD or BluRay.

I’m back with the second installment of the truly terrible fanfic with the surprisingly descriptive name of Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL.

For those who did not read last week’s installment, here’s a quick recap – Ororo Munroe (Storm) revealed that she is a witch as well as a mutant by sort-of saving a girl who had fallen down some stairs and then healing her broken bones with her magic stick. The author took three whole chapters of vague hints to reveal the deep, dark secret of why Storm gets upset on Halloween – several family members died on that day. Storm collapses into tears after the big reveal and is consoled by her nephew Evan (Spyke), which is where Chapter Four picks up.

A word of warning – the first three chapters were more or less coherent, but from here on out the story degrades sharply both in grammar and plot.