Second Time Round

I should’ve known the second time round would be the hardest. I’ve been away from my family since April now and let me tell you it is way harder than I thought it would be. So as much as I was excited to meet up with my Dad in Texas I was also a little worried.

How hard would it be to say goodbye twice?

Very. I didn’t cry as much which also surprised me, however there was heavier weight on my heart as this time round I do not have any dates set on when I will ever see them again. That is terrifying.

But I did go back to Ireland. I could’ve very easily changed my flights but I fought it. I need to prove to myself that I can do this for longer. It is hard, I’m not going to lie. I thought removing myself from everything I’ve ever known would let me open up and go head first into new experiences. I have to say that, that is yet to happen. I want to though. I have this little voice telling me to go for it, work hard, meet new people, explore. Yet it is so easy to just stay in bed and think of why you should even bother.

Second.
It is a funny thing. I’ve always thought of myself as second best.
Always there for people but no one there for me unless needed. Always
that close to success but someone is always better. Even second choice
in romance. I moved across the world to stop this. So I should get off
my butt and make it happen.

This I believe is part of the fight to do this. I have to prove to myself that I can make things happen. Why shouldn’t I have success as well as watching those I love and admire get it while I cheer from the sidelines? I could be out there joining them in getting what I want. I just have to narrow down what that is…

I need to prove to myself that I can put myself first. That I can say goodbye and move forward without wallowing in pity. It will be hard, it would be weird if it was easy. I can and will achieve.

I’d love to know how you all motivated, move on from hardships and learn to turn away from bad thoughts. If you have any advice, blog posts or videos shout them at me!