Joe,
Really enjoyed the site. I was moved to tears several times by the poetry
of Lamont Bridges. It's hard to believe that I could have remained ignorant
of this literary giant for all these years. I feel now as though a veil
has been lifted and I am seeing the world as if for the very first time.
From the depths of my new-born soul, I thank you.

TJ
p.s. and that Fast Eddy guy was okay too....

TJ,

It has been well documented that Lamont has lifted all sorts of things(mainly
from K-mart and Wawa), but he's never been accused of lifting a veil.
From the depths of my tired old soul, I guess I thank you.

Dear Joe:
Why, in the Free Advice photo, is
the Davy Jones impostor next to Lamont holding a urine sample? Is Free
Advice a cleverly concealed plea for a return to a time when stream-of-consciousness
was more that just the idle ramblings of an urban sub-spannite but was
interpreted more literally by Lamont with his late night pissing for distance
challenges and the Godot Memorial bladder-retention duels... known officially
as Joe Scro's Got-toGodot. There are people in Bayonne who still claim
to be able to hear the sighs of the winners when time was called and release
took place somewhere in the dark,murky, midnight bowels of the Bayonne
Bridge. Many have interpreted Lamont's behavior as chameleon-like, but
in truth- if you read the poems carefully- there are hints everywhere
as to the CAMEL-like nature of the bladder-blessed master of words. In
fact, if you look at the photo closely there is a certain 'Joe' (no coincidence)
Camel-ness to the aged poesy-boy. (Is that a hump we see or is he glad
to pee for us.)
Somewhere in the dank underground areas and dark recesses of the world
as we know it lies the secret of Lamont; the truth behind the legend...
and never far away (as we can see in the recent sightings pictures) there
is a puddle. You be the judge.
Respectfully,
Floyd Bridges
Submarine banjoist

I don't want to further any fanatical rumors, but...
I was just minding my own business at a local 7-11 the other day, getting
some coffee. I don't know how to describe it. There was a sort of invisible
mist all around, and I get that type of feeling when something great is
about to dawn on me. Then, from out of nowhere (or perhaps from some other
part of the store) there appeared a man I can only describe as Lamont Bridges.
It was brief, and the feeling afterward was similar to being temporarily
blinded by the sun. The funny part is, I can't tell if it really happened.
Maybe it was just a man who resembled Lamont, or maybe the whole incident
was just a spectacular dream. But I myself wouldn't be surprised if Mr.
Bridges is still among us.

Charles Whitcroft
Former Student and Fan of Lamont Bridges

Dear Charles,

Your recent “close encounter” at a local 7-11 is the 18th
sighting of Lamont, according to the records kept by our most devoted
Lamontophile, the esteemed Prof. Phineous T. Cragmire. He was most perplexed
by your mention of an “invisible mist.” If it were invisible,
how did you come to label it a mist? What was so misty about it? Did it
make mist-like sounds? Did it have a mist-like texture? Are you sure it
wasn’t a haze? You know, a haze and a mist are pretty similar. Hell,
if it were invisible, it could have been anything. Maybe it was an artichoke
or a condominium or a recently deceased penguin. You don’t really
know, do you? But I digress. Whatever the hell it was snapped you out
of the stupor you were in as you absentmindedly poured yourself a cup
of 7-11 sludge, I mean coffee. Lamont appears. Was it really him, or his
stunt double? Was it all just a dream? Or are you yanking my crank or
what? Dr. Cragmire claims that your memory of being “blinded by
the sun” is, in fact, a subconscious psychotransgressional homonymium,
in which you actually meant to say, “blended by the son.”
Of course. Now it makes perfect sense. It’s the phenomena known
to those of us “in the loop” as the Bridges Syndrome, wherein
multiple personas are mixed, or blended, by a close member of the family.
Since you are a son, you are the closest family member to yourself. And
so the visage, if you will, of Lamont represents your own poetic self,
embodied or disembodied, whatever the case may be, by this patron saint
of unrequited metaphoric transgressions. Now isn’t it all so perfectly
clear and simple? Why, a child could have figured it all out, don’t
you think? I bet you feel pretty stupid for even bringing it up. Well,
perk up. It’s a new millennium out there. They’ll be new fish
to fry; don’t you fret no more. A Lamont sighting balances the Cosmos
and most checkbooks. It’s like the latest “Feel-Good-Movie-Of-The-Year”
or when you get a really good parking space in Manhattan. But I digress.
In closing, I would like to thank you for your furthering our most favorite
fanatical rumor. Hell, what would life be like without a fanatical rumour
to further?

Ciao for now,
Burnt Bridges
Assistant Chairman of the Lamont Bridges Archives and Supper Club

I was just in your web site and I saw the skeches of Lamont Briges and
they
don't look the same. Shouldn't they look the same at least?

from,
mark in 9th period

Subj: Re: hi
Date: 11/5/2002 5:34:14 PM Eastern Standard Time

hi Mark,
I'm glad to see that you're interested in the website. Now let me see
if I can give you a satisfactory answer for your question regarding the
three sketches. Yes, they all are very different. Each one is really a
sketch of me done by three very different people. The sketch on the left
was done by a 17 year old student while he watched me speaking to some
students. He did it quickly and roughly in a fairly dark room. I think
it sort of resembles me. In my opinion, the kid was a fairly good artist.
Now the middle sketch was done by a 90 year old former professor of design
at Parsons. He tried to capture me with a minimum of lines. I think it
too sort of resembles me, in a "modern art sort of way". Finally,
the last and funniest sketch was done by my friend's six year old daughter.
As much as I hate to admit it, her sketch sort of resembles me in a weird
sort of way, too. And you know that eyewitness accounts can sometimes
be wildly different and often unreliable. Collectively, they all became
a small gallery of police artist sketches of Lamont (Is He Still Alive?)
Bridges. I thought it was pretty funny to see them side by side by side
on the page like that. Remember, the whole website is about creativity
and the imagination. Keep on visiting it; there's lots of stuff still
to come.

Hi Joe Scro,
You do not know me, but I am the niece of Mike Cetta. This site is hysterical.
I can't wait for updates. Please tell my uncle you heard from me. My favorite
is the last one with the cast on the puppet's nose. Too funny!!! I would
like to be able to write directly to the puppet. Any chance of that soon?
thank you
Roseann Cetta

Dear Roseann,

Thanks for the e-mail! I'm glad you like the site. We update at least
once every two weeks. I'll tell Mike that I heard from you. Your uncle,
as you can now see, is into the site and his character. We're both having
fun with it. We are working on a way for people to write directly to the
puppet. Within a week, it should be possible.

On a recent trip to Moosehead Lake in Maine, I have found evidence
to support many peoples' opinion that Lamont Bridges' mysterious death
was
staged in a desperate attempt for anonymity and the pursuit of a practical
career (and to sell more copies of his book, thank you Simon and Schuster).
Please email me your street address so I can mail you these disturbing
photos that I hope you will put on the Website.
Also, it appears that the grammatical marks (Quotation marks,
parentheses,apostrophes) in the biography of A. Noyd and H.Royd Bridges
have been configured as numbers instead of symbols. Can you fix this,
please? It's a bit distracting when you're absorbing all of the "sparkling
repartee' and rapier-like wit" (yeah right!) of the brothers' story.
Thanks!

Greg Stier

Dear Greg,

Lamont in Moosehead? Oh joy of joys! I must tell the birds. Send the
photos to
me. It is truly heartwarming to know that someone is out there, looking
for him. As for the configuration of grammatical marks, I was awaiting
your reaction. How the hell it happened is a mystery to me. This whole
Lamont thing . . . I don't know. . . perhaps we're venturing into a realm
we should not be probing. Perhaps we're poking our nose where we shouldn't.
Perhaps we disturbing the fragile balance of the cosmos. . . . . . Nah.
Anyway, I agree. It's a tad distracting. Try sending it to me again. If
it still arrives "configured", I'll have to go through it and
correct it. A zillion apologies. Rapier-like wit and sparkling repartee
doesn't just come along every day now, believe you me.
Later, Joe

Hey Joe: Just downloaded This Old House but all I get when I try to play
it
is a fanfare of horns, what sounds like crickets, a woman moaning, then
silence. I know it sounds like the plot of every film noir story, but
it is
the truth.
Bob

According to local legend, if you pressed your ear onto the plywood surface
of Lamont's old shanty, you would hear these exact sounds: a horny fanfare,
sensuous crickets, a woman moaning. Lamont Noir. A Vagabond's Soundtrack.

Let me first congratulate you on your terific website and to thank on
behalf
of the entire puppet industry for giving a puppet a space on it. Having
said
that I have several problems with it. First Mr. Cumasicchima approached
you
without clearance from us nor did he submit to us just what his intentions
were with such a site. We met yesterday with Mr. Cumaschiama and reprimanded
him accordingly. The internet is public domain and as such there are legal
and appropriate proceedings that must be followed. This is not the first
time
we have had trouble with him as he has on too many occasions disregarded
industry procedures and went ahead and did what he damn well fucking pleased
(please excuse the language) We have spoken to him about the need for
proper
representation and an agent goddamit. More on this will be forthcoming.

However our biggest complaint is how he is represented on your site.
It took
2 links to get to him and then the entire assiociation was not with him
as
the most talented and skilled play puppet therapist in the entire universe
(why we put up with his shit) but as a mook and one -on your site at least-
associated with the mob. This is exactly the kind of stereotyping that
has
kept puppets in the closet and in boxes. He should have his own unique
link
and one more focused on his talent and skills than on this 'mook' thing.
As a
skilled clinician he can offer children everywhere and their parents terrific
and fun advice. Leave the mook shit to someone else. Unless action is
taken
on this behalf expect to hear from our attorneys!

Hey Doody, I got your "unique link" right HERE, you termite-infested,
warped chunk of driftwood! After all my years of work supporting your kind,
you stoop to trying to portray me as nothing more than an out-an-out anti-puppetite?!
Well, stereotype THIS, Mr. Freckles. You're just a sad, pathetic has-been.
You're living in the '50's, daddy-o! Get your attorneys to untangle those
strings of yours. Wake up and smell the sawdust.

Subj: Where in the world is Lamont Bridges?
Date: 5/4/2002 11:56:20 AM Eastern Daylight Time
To: Joe@thescro.com

Joe,
You and Damian have definitely left the building. i will continue to
peruse your creation (a loose use of the term). i would like some of
whatever you guys have been
ingesting - perhaps an extract of carlos casteneda.
I believe that this web site will be used to bring an end to the practice
of grantings sabbaticals to educators if it falls into the wrong (or right)
hands.
I am humbled by your misdirected creativitiy - my birthday performance
certainly pales(pails) in comparison.
Speak to you soon,

Travel Boy Bob SIlverman

You are indeed perceptive, oh Travel Boy, perceptive indeed. I am awaiting
your contribution to the Next of Kin page. Your past ingestions deem you
well suited for the task.

Joe: The Lamont Bridges pages are wonderful, terrific, funny, evocative
--
what a wonderful creation, yet another facet among your multi facets!
Now,
is it possible that I met Lamont Bridges in a bar on Houston St. (corner
of
Sullivan) called the Kiwi (the Australian allusion made me think it could
be
the same person) about twenty years ago, down and out, doing card tricks
for
free beers? It sure seems so -- maybe you'd know whether he was making
the
scene back then.
Congratulations for bringing Bridges back to life, as it were, in such
a
respectful way.
Yours, Morty

Lamont often frequented every bar on Houston Street,
not to mention the entire Village and the Lower East Side. More often than
not, he'd be seen running a Three Card Monte scam with Brother Theodore,
Lord Buckley, and Moondog.

Joe,
Just a quick note -- I'm actually on the site to read Damian's review
of
Spiderman, which I think is right on. The Lamont project is terrific --
better on the web than on paper. It will grow. Have a great time in Ireland;
we'll see you when you return.