The Baltimore-Annapolis hash #971 started off with all kinds of promise, Amazon was haring with Minnie Brew. Surely we were out for a promising trail. The pack met at Gunpowder Falls off Harford Rd in a small parking lot. Unlike our usual BA pack, the hounds started congregating before 3pm. This could not be a BA hash! The only MM present was Hosehead, holding true to her duties as hash cash. And making sure we all paid the $6 hash cash Amazon had set for her delectable Marzen beer. Around 3:15 M’Orally arrived- this surely wasn’t a BA hash! Just before the pack took off, DD and ECDC arrived; what?! Definitely not a BA hash!

ECDC and DD were the last to arrive and the pack was off. We thought for sure we would be crossing the idyllic stream in front of us, as the trail ran along the side of it, through the briers. Some of the pack decided they didn’t want to tempt fate by falling into the stream, so they tempted fate on the road with the cars whizzing by at 50mph. The daredevils were correct in their zenning, as trail crossed the road and craniumed up the first of many steep hills. Upon cresting the first hill the pack came across a field bordered by an electric fence. PP, BSB and Cosmo scouted true trail as the FRBs while the back of the pack worked on climbing the hill. True trail was found, only to lead the pack up another hill. The pack found a few water crossings, but nothing we had been promised (such fools). Somehow I (Chum) followed ECDC just as we were nearing the beer check. I do not suggest this, as he led us into the middle of fallen trees. We could see the beer check below us, but how to get there? Back track or jump down the 7 foot cliff? ECDC tried to build a ladder from the fallen trees; I gave up and back tracked back. ECDC did build his ladder and made it to the beer check before me. So much for not trusting him.

The pack arrived at the beer check to enjoy more Marzen along the idyllic stream. Shortly thereafter, the FRBs decided it was time to go. Lucky for us, we would have an honest-to-goodness water crossing. Most of the pack was not blessed with long legs like ECDC, as we ended up being “pee deep.” The pack also had to be very careful and not go too far to the left; otherwise they would be swimming across the river. Yes, this definitely was a BA hash! Yet another hill stood before the pack after the water crossing. The hares wanted to make sure we warmed up after the cooling off of the river. FRBs BSB, PP, Chum and Virgin Betsy scurried up the hill to find a check. BSB and VB went left; PP and Chum went right, following “true trail” aka Circle Jerk. The rest of the pack finished climbing the hill just in time to see PP prancing across the field on true trail and the sounds of “bllllllllleeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh, bbbbbbblllllleeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” with ECDC hidden in the field on all fours regurgitating the yogurt DD had fed him prior to the hash.

Trail continued along another stream, but it was nothing compared to what we had been through. Did the hares lose their touch after they laid the river crossing? Oh no, there was muck and mud to trudge through! Trail went up a final hill toward the road with cars whizzing by at 50mph and followed along the side. The hares needed the pack to cross the road to get back to “B” but where was there to run, besides some poor saps toilet paper laden front yard and a clear cutting (“BRING YOUR OWN CUPS”).

The pack straggled in from a long, lovely, hilly trail. Circle was commenced with BSB as stand-in RA (no MM to be found, besides Hosehead). He did a fabulous job. Down-downs were given to the hares with BSB as stunt liver for Minnie. Virgin Betsy’s hasher friend in DC made her come and Granny Panties and Don’t Ask Don’t Swell made Virgin Kim come. BSB walked them through a proper down-down. Introductions were made, better late than never. Violations were: Virgin Betsy for calling Amazon’s trail “fun” while scurrying uphill, Amazon for running her earth loving butt and the pack’s through a clear cut, ECDC for puking on trail and DD for feeding ECDC poison and taking pictures of him expelling it.