Ranger Rich: Answering your TV questions

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Today we bring you a session of Ask Mr. Science, where we
discuss scientific topics such as how astronomers have discovered
amazing new things close to Uranus, such as Urpants and Urwallet, and
how my editor told me I can never, ever write about that again.

Just like the star of public radio's Ask Dr. Science, I am
not, technically, a "scientist"; in fact, I believe Einstein is the guy
with the bagel shops. In our last episode, we focused on how scientists
say you can tell when your "cold-activated" can of Coors Light is
indeed cold:

1. Watch the mountains on this "magic can" turn blue via a
complicated reconfiguration of molecules triggered by the declining
temperature.

2. Touch the #$%^&@* can with your hand.

Anyway, today Ask Mr. Science will focus on the switch from
analog to digital television and how, despite months of warnings and
explanations, Americans' grasp of television basically consists of
knowing David Letterman recently confused one daughter of
Sarah Palin, the daughter who is a teen mom, with a younger
daughter of Sarah Palin, the one who is not a teen mom. Yet.

But we're not here to make Palin jokes. Let's get to the serious
questions.

Q. What is analog TV?

A. No one really knows. It is not believed to have anything to do
with actual "logs." I had Lincoln Logs when I was a kid and I made a
big house. OK, I was 42.

Q. What is digital TV?

A. No one really knows. But the benefits are enormous. Locally, on
June 12, the day of the conversion, a 7-year-old got into our KOAA-TV
studio, played with the buttons and knocked the station off the air
during the final 10 dramatic minutes of Game 7 of the Stanley Cup
Finals. Thanks to digital, the on-screen notice telling us the station
was off the air was very clear.

Q. Speaking of KOAA, I'm new to the area, have converted to
digital, and when I watch KOAA news, one anchor has a name so long it
runs off the screen, across the wall, down the stairs and out my front
door. It looks like an eye chart. Who is this person?

A. That would be Georgiann Lymberopoulos, who years ago
conceded to her bosses' demands and shortened her name. (It used to be
Georgianne.)

Q. I bought a converter box and scanned in the channels, but it
still looks like Mayor Lionel Rivera isn't telling the truth about that
sweetheart U.S. Olympic Committee deal. Is there something wrong with
my TV?

A. No.

Q. Do I need my old rabbit ears antenna and the new circular
antenna?

A. Yes. In most areas you need the rabbit ears (VHF) and loop (UHF)
antenna. "Rabbit ears," by the way, is an old term referring to the way
the double-pronged antenna resembles rabbit ears. Except in rural areas
such as Calhan and Peyton, where TV viewers get reception by using the
actual ears of a rabbit and, as a bonus, are alerted to the approach of
coyotes.

Q. With the new digital system, is there still a local channel
showing the meetings of El Paso County commissioners?

A. We have county commissioners? What the heck do they do?

Q. They pave miles and miles of dirt roads that no one lives on
and then the county is too broke to keep inmates in jail.

Q. All right then, you two. I installed the converter box, have a
new antenna, and I got a clear picture on more than 240 channels the
first day. But now I can't see any picture and I'm missing my favorite
program, that talk show with Maury Povich. What's wrong?

A. During the first days of digital signals, 92 percent of Maury
Povich fans had this problem. Experts say you are probably in the
bathroom conducting another home pregnancy test because of a visit by
your "uncle," while the TV is in the living room. Move to where the TV
is and the problem should disappear.