Family & Friends

If you’re the only one in your family or group of friends who is vegan, you may face social pressures to conform as others challenge you lifestyle (see Social Pressures at LiveVegan.org). Introducing new ideas and new foods into gatherings steeped in tradition can be challenging. But holiday mealtimes don't have to be uncomfortable -- they can be an enjoyable and positive experience for everyone.

Finding Community

Most people live and thrive in community. We love our families and friends. We join clubs and teams. We attend concerts and sporting events. We meet on playgrounds and community centers, at the movies, places of worship, bars and clubs. We eat, play, love, laugh, and cry in groups –- from two people to uncountable crowds.A fun way to explore plant-based living is to find a community of like-minded, caring people. And a quick way to do that is through Meetup.com. There are vegan Meetup groups sprouting up all over the world. They vary from neighborhood potlucks, to movie nights and family get-togethers, to advocacy events. Not everyone in these groups is vegan – many are just starting out looking for support or answers, or are looking for friends with whom to share the bounty of the latest Meatout Mondays recipe.

Questions With Answers to Help Everyone Enjoy Compassionate Holidays:

For New Vegans & Vegan-Curious

Q: What will I eat at a traditional animal-based meal?A: Many side dishes may already be vegan. Potatoes, cranberries, vegetables, breads, stuffing, salads, and so much more can easily be made vegan if they are not already. For a main dish consider stuffed squash, pot pie, or even a vegan "turkey" roast. And don't forget dessert. From egg-free pumpkin pie with dairy-free whipped cream, to hot chocolate with vegan marshmallows, or holiday cookies with a warm cup of egg-free nog, there's a cornucopia of goodies to satisfy your sweet tooth.

Q: How do I bring up my lifestyle with friends and family so I can be sure there's something for me to eat at a holiday dinner?A: If you're going to be a guest at the table, let your hosts know that you don’t consume animal products. Ask them ahead of time what you can bring and how you can help. If you're handy in the kitchen or even if you simply buy prepared vegan food from a local store, bring your favorite dish or two (or more!). That way you’ll be sure to enjoy your meal and have enough to introduce others to some of your favorites.

You may want to offer to your hosts that you can bring a main dish to share or help the cook(s) veganize the side dishes to make them cruelty-free, healthier, and delicious. Get more ideas for vegan holiday recipes here.

If your hosts feel frustrated by your requests, explain that you want to do whatever is least burdensome for the group while not compromising your deeply held values. People will almost always understand and find a way to ensure that you have plenty to eat. They may even be excited to learn and try something new.

Be willing to roll up your sleeves and help. The stress your hosts may feel cooking new recipes or adding to their menu can be eased by your willingness to lend a hand.

Q: Is it appropriate for me to bring up my reasons for being vegan over dinner?A: Holiday dinners bring together family and friends. They can be the perfect time to discuss your lifestyle with those who are close to you, but the conversation may also be better left for another time.

Holidays are notoriously stressful; adding another stressor about food choices and ethics while competing with generations of tradition can be a recipe for frustration, but it doesn't have to be.

Often, the best thing to do is to wait for people to ask. It is almost guaranteed that someone will ask why you are not eating animal products. You know your friends and family best, so answer in the way that makes the most sense for that group at that moment. If the group is open to hearing what you have to say, great! But sometimes, it might be best to suggest talking one-on-one after dinner.

We're not suggesting that you hold your tongue, but rather that you might want to pick the most effective opportunity. While you may feel like it goes against your ethics to refrain from answering questions immediately and in graphic detail, rest assured, your actions will speak louder than words. Your message will be more powerful and better received by those who are open to hearing it. Live by example, plant seeds of compassion, and be ready to open your heart to those wanting to learn more.

You may not remember or have time to say everything you want to say, so it may also be helpful to have informative handouts with you. You can also direct curious friends and family toward our website.

Q: If I'm hosting a holiday dinner, must I prepare animal-based foods for non-vegans?A: No. You have no obligation to go against your ethics in order to carry on animal-based traditions. Straying from tradition can be intimidating for some people -- traditions are easy, traditions are comforting. But NEW traditions are ready to be made – traditions dedicated to health, justice, and compassion.

If potential guests complain ahead of time that they won't know if they will get their fill or what they are going to eat, share the mouthwatering menu with them. Chances are they'll be pleasantly surprised when they see the exciting wide array of delicious foods. Nothing speaks more clearly to the joy of eating vegan than delicious, bountiful food. The worries of your non-vegan family and friends will melt away when their mouths and tummies are full and satisfied.

For Family & Friends of Vegans

Q: How should I deal with vegans during the holidays?A:The same way you would deal with anyone making ethical food choices or avoiding certain food products for health reasons: by being understanding, by being open to learning, and by being accommodating.

Choosing not to eat animal products is not a “phase” and it is not a choice meant to cause family strife. For most vegans, it is a serious and important ethical choice. Just as no one would expect someone whose religion requires them to avoid a certain food to eat it anyway, it is unfair to expect a vegetarian or vegan to make exceptions to their ethics around the holidays.

Q: Since I accommodate vegans at my dinners, am I entitled to bring meat or other animal products to dinners that vegans host?A: No. Eating animal products and providing animal products for others to eat goes against the moral beliefs of ethical vegans, but abstaining from animal products for a meal does not go against one's moral beliefs. And if you embrace the vegan meal, you may find you truly enjoy the new foods you try.

Attending a vegan holiday celebration can be a life-affirming and positive experience for everyone, regardless of their daily dietary choices.

TIP! > You don’t have to try to convince your entire family to go vegan over the holidays. The message might be better received when they are more open to hearing it. Live by example and plant seeds of compassion. If you'd like to help us spread the message of compassion over the holidays, see FARM for ideas for Fresh Start Friday, Vegan Outreach, and more.