Crying Baby Lacks Perspective, Agree C Train Passengers

Photo by Tia Dinolfo

June 24, 2014 - Commuters on the Washington Heights-bound C train at 7:15 PM were asked to weigh in about the baby loudly sobbing in the middle of the train car, and the overwhelming consensus is that the infant should be far happier with its lot in life than its actions express.“You head home after a long day of doing a job you never wanted, where your boss threatens to fire you if you don't tow the company line, and to add insult to injury, you gotta deal with an upset toddler who should count itself lucky to get food and toys for free,” grumbled one fellow passenger, subtly glaring at the clearly self-obsessed tiny human from the farthest corner of the car. “I'll tell you, if I was still rewarded for shitting myself with raspberries on the tummy from Mommy, I'd cherish every moment. But those days are long gone.”“Life is gonna knock that child for a loop one day,” sighed another passenger, securely cradling Trader Joe's groceries which cost half her weekly paycheck between her legs. “And if he doesn't learn to suck it up and deal soon, well, he's never gonna function like the rest of us.”When interviewed by reporters, the baby started chewing on the nearest microphone, then began crying anew when it was taken out of sight, assuming it was gone forever.