December 05, 2004

In Which I Am Eminently Reasonable and Mature in the Face of Anxiety

I am back, pie in hand (also mouth), to tell you about my reasonable and mature approach to the stress induced by Christmas preparations, miscarriage muck, my husband's job search, and the winter Gloom (so murky it demands a capital G).

Ready? Breath bated? Here it is:

Avoidance! You can sing it to the tune of "O Come, All Ye Faithful" if you're looking for a little Christmas cheer: "Avoidance! Avoidance! Avoidance, O Avoidance!" (&c. Catchy lyrics, I know.)

Did you notice this is my fifth post this week, after my earnest resolve in late October to back off on posting during the holiday season? That's part one of the Definitively Reasonable And Mature Approach in motion, my friends. And just in case you'd like a little DRAMA of your own, I am sharing part two with you. I have an enormous pile of fun books beside my brown chair, right there ready to help me out when I have a wayward thought like, "You know, you could knock out the last of the Christmas cards right now if you just buckled down and did it."

At the top of the pile is Girl Meets God, by Lauren Winner. My high school best friend (who needs a name -- I think I'll call her Fairy May because we became best friends when she was Fairy May and I was Ethel P. Savage in our high school's production of "The Curious Savage") recommended it and I'm so glad she did. I love Winner's voice -- fresh and articulate, candid and thoughtful. I am forcing myself to read it slowly because I will be sad when it ends. I can't remember the last time I felt this drawn to an author.

Eric Brende wrote a book called Better Off about living with a community he calls (pseudonymously, to protect their privacy) the Minimites -- they're an offshoot of the Amish with stronger convictions about avoiding technology. Brende was in graduate school studying the social impact of technology when he took 18 months to learn hands-on about low-tech life. His "research" involved farming (sans machinery) to pay the bills and the birth of his first child at home with a lay midwife. I sympathize with Brende's ideals and his experience is intriguing. The writing is uneven, though, and I've been stalled at two-thirds of the way through the book for a couple of weeks now.

I'm reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Spiritual Midwifery makes me laugh -- the "get tantric with your lady" approach to labor is a little too 1974 for me. I'm really enjoying this newer book, though. I love Gaskin's confidence in women's bodies, the way she expects most women to be able to birth their babies without techno-operatics.

I'm less enthusiastic about Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions. Sometime last year I heard Naomi Wolf and Ina May Gaskin interviewed together for a radio show on childbirth in America. Gaskin was so calm and reasonable; Wolf was more strident. I'm hearing that in her book as well. I don't know that I'll read it cover to cover (unless I discover additional stresses to flee from), but I'll keep dipping into it.

I'm also hearing voices in Michel Odent's book The Farmer and the Obstetrician. I saw Odent speak at a European breastfeeding conference in 2000, right after his book The Scientification of Love came out and right before we moved back to the States. He was speaking in English, but with a serious French accent. He was talking about the pulsatility of oxytocin release and I spent the entire talk going, "Huh? Pool-sa-teal-ee-t[non-English vowel sound here]? What word could that possibly be?" I have no idea what else the talk was about, but I had quite an aha! moment when I figured out the mystery word. This book has some provocative ideas -- Odent is opposed to cameras at birth and ambivalent about fathers being present -- but there are just enough quirks in the English that I hear his accent as I read. Talk about distracting. (Since distraction is the goal here, perhaps I shouldn't complain.)

Barchester Towers has been on my reading pile for a while now, along with Adam Bede. I took them both down to my parents' house, forgetting that an abalone can't turn pages very well. Adam Bede is the one book in my stack I want to finish by year's end. (New Year's resolution.) Given my current completion stats for things that need to be done by December 25, I don't know if I'm going to make my self-imposed deadline: I always find George Eliot hard slogging. I keep thinking it ought to get easier as I read more of her work, but it hasn't happened yet.

Friday night I pulled St. Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life off the shelf for Advent reading. I decided to do so because of a memory lapse -- I thought it was St. Francis Xavier's book -- but it's been so highly recommended that I think I'll stick with the plan anyway.

Fairy May also recommended Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies, which I have just barely begun because a person can only procrastinate in so many directions at one time. And at the bottom of my pile is Having Faith, by Sandra Steingraber, a favorite of mine which I am re-reading in hopes of providing a more informed response to Brooke's question about breastmilk contamination.

Dishes are calling, and I have stockings to stuff for the feast of St. Nicholas. FlyLady (yes, I am so pathetic that I resubbed) has a "Please Go to Bed" email sitting reproachfully in my inbox, so I should wrap things up here. Further ideas for avoidance strategies -- I mean Definitively Reasonable And Mature Approaches -- are most welcome.

Comments

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I loved this post. I am trying so hard to start reading again, but it is proving difficult. Whenever a calm moment overtakes my boys and I try to sneak in a page or two, or God forbid get some knitting done (I have been working on the same gauge swatch for, oh, three weeks!) or even worse write an email, chaos ensues.

I just read most of Spiritual Midwifery, which was a trip and a half. I would love to read Guide to Childbirth, which I should remember to reserve online and the library.

I have read Travelling Mercies (welcome to borrow my copy if you like) and am interested to see your response. Anne Lamott has some great insights, but she still bugs me a lot from time to time. I haven't totally put my finger on it.
I still adore Kathleen Norris' Cloister Walk--it's getting about time to reread it methinks. I am also enjoying Madeline L'Engle's Glimpes of Grace.

Glad to hear that someone else enjoys a little DRAMA as much as I do. ;)

I'm reading Ina May's Guide as well! My friend just got pregnant and I'm going to recommend it to her.

I read Traveling Mercies, too. I liked it a lot and enjoy Anne Lamott's memior writing. One thing that has bothered me in her writing is her frequent use of cliche when describing matters of faith. But over all I find her to be a good writer.

I like Kathleen Norris as well. I've read The Cloister Walk, Dakota, and Amazing Grace. They have all been excellent.

Wow, you ladies sure read a lot!! Last book I read was a Tom Clancy book my husband brought home. Something about a tiger's teeth and rear end!

I didn't read any birthing books with this pregnancy, so I'm happy to see these references. I think I might be going into labor tonight and think it would be dandy to have an Immaculate Conception baby!

I've been leary of getting too smug/satisfied with my last really great birth...hoping all goes as well with this one and it's good to see your comments on women and natural childbirth.

Dads ought to be at births when they are a support, but I think the dads who are more scared/nervous/powerless might be better downstairs in the waiting/living room. In my perfect world, all the dads would be happy to be in the room, offering their love and support to their wives, knowing that that is the best way to "fix" her pain. Lucky for me, that's the kind of husband I have!!

Jamie, I'm sure glad that you have the self control of a gnat! (um, that was something that you said, right? And not me just insulting you?) I was not liking the scarcity of new blogs from your neck of the woods.

I'm in Ina May's guide - in the birth stories at the front. I am not there as a mom but as a supportive L&D nurse in a hospital birth - look for me!
I remember that when Ina May was thinking through the book she asked me if it was OK to include my name and I said absolutely. I love Ina May, she is so calm and balanced and yet gets appropriately outraged. I pray for her conversion.