Saturday, March 22, 2008

Waiting on God

The day after Good Friday and the day before Easter/Resurrection Sunday is a time of waiting. For Jesus Christ's disciples it was a time of fear, disillusionment, and anxiety. Waiting to see if they too would be arrested. Waiting to see what God would do.

A healing process requires waiting too. Emotional healing does not happen in a day. We may intellectually accept an important truth in one day--such as recognizing that a small child is powerless to protect herself or himself from incest, physical abuse, or verbal abuse. But the heart may take years to finally believe in this truth enough to stop the cycle of shame and blame.

I remember one evening years ago when I sat alone in my living room late at night, praying for healing. That night for the first time, I allowed myself to grieve that I did not have a "daddy" growing up. I had a father, but not a daddy. I had a man that I feared for good reason, a man that I tried very hard to please. But I had no childhood memory of feeling like "daddy's little girl" or "daddy's princess."

God reached out to be in a very concrete way that night. His presence was so powerful that I literally felt his arms around me, comforting me. His wonderful gift helped me through that night...but the healing for that issue had just begun. I had to wait and walk in trust for six more years before my soul was healed enough for me to believe, without any more reservations, that God is and was my daddy and that He found me pleasing. I'm glad that I did not know ahead of time that it would take six years.

When you feel impatient waiting for healing, remember that it is a process and that God is an expert on your healing needs. He knows when to do what to nurture our souls. His timing may not be our preferred timing, but His timing is loving and righteous.

The disciples were waiting for something wonderful (the resurrected Christ), but anxiety kept them from remembering Jesus' promise to rise on the third day. They only knew that they felt unsafe and uncomfortable. Some days our healing process is the same. It is frightening to face horrible memories--it feels unsafe. And other days we feel totally stressed out wondering if we will ever feel comfortable doing x, or if we'll ever stop doing y.

When you are anxiously awaiting the next bit of healing, remember that our Good Shepherd has it under control. He will lead you to those still waters and green grasses (Psalm 23).

Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune

Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.

Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden

Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good

The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell

The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.

The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee

Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green

When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

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Welcome

Being abused by another hurts deeply and creates many challenges. But you don't have to settle for merely being a survivor. You can become an overcomer with dazzling wings.

You might feel worthless--but you are not. You are valuable to the creator of the universe. A new life of freedom, peace, and joy awaits. Facing abuse, ending it, and healing from it is a huge journey that leaves behind hopelessness, embracing new life.

Just like myself and other abuse survivors, you can unfurl dazzling wings with the help of Jesus Christ.

This journey is possible. I've done it and so have other formerly abused women and men who have shared their stories with me. Come join us on a life-giving journey of change.

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About Me

For thirty-five years, I felt worthless. It seemed like I wore a sign across my chest inviting others to abuse me.
Unfortunately, I had an abundance of personal experience with being a victim of domestic violence, incest, emotional abuse, physical abuse, date rape, verbal abuse, and spiritual abuse. And then I experienced being the mother and stepmother of children who were assaulted by a pedophile.I felt like a cursed woman.
Since multiple people felt comfortable assualting me and then my children I assumed that there was something wrong with me. I had let me myself down in some unknown, mysterious way.
What if God let me down, too?
One day, in desperation, I prayed asking God to end the abuse.
God heard. He rescued me. He continues to heal me. His kindness, grace, and mercy far exceed anything I could’ve imagined or hoped for.
He has given me dazzling wings to soar above the pain of past abuse, spreading His message of hope: God does not approve of violence in any of its manifestations. He rescues those who cry out to Him. He heals the wounded.

Disclaimer

I share my thoughts and feelings on this blog about a very sensitive and personal topic, but I need to remind readers that I am not a licensed counselor or a legal advisor. Please weigh everything I say with prayer. Feel empowered to take what you want and leave the rest.