Everything about Nothing

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Day 3 the Wedding

We woke up early since the wedding was at 11:30am and I had to get my man's clothes all ironed and looking schnazy. Plus we had to get over to my parents hotel for me to pick up my shoes and shall.

We went up to the church and were early so we took some pictures of us all dressed up you just in case we need a picture of us dressed up soon (engagement, hmmmm).

The church was really neat and I also found out that the boyfriend (who went to a catholic private school in Belgium) does not know the Lords Prayer. I could hardly contain myself, I also thought it to be great. We also agreed that when we get married it will be about 10 minutes long and then we are going to party.After the ceremony we had time to grab a nice lunch on the base of the Mountain and had a glimpse of the Bride and Groom getting pictures taken.

We then headed back to the hotel to change into something casual and get ready for a crazy treck up the mountain to the reception. There was a warning on the invite that we may want to hitch a ride with someone with a 4 wheel car if it rained or if we didn't have one. Well, we were up for the challenge and the 45 minute drive to the top. When we got there it was fabulous they had a tent and the cute cabin with a fire in the fireplace. The only downfall is it started raining right when the reception started. You can't win them all.After the reception which we left early because we were exhausted we headed back into town grabbed some beer at Beaver Liquor too funny. And went back had a few and crashed.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Day 2 More Driving

I have decided that I loath Nebraska more then I did the last 10 times I have driven across that state. Road work or threatened road work the whole entire time WTF. It took probably an extra 2 hours to cross that cow stinking state. The boyfriend started the day driving and I was starting to get severly antsy even though I had the PSP to play and a book. So I decided I can't take this anymore please let me drive.

We made it into Denver around 6:30pm to have dinner with a good friend of mine. It is amazying how much a town can change or be forgotten in a matter of 4 years. Well I guess that why 4 years. Anyway we had dinner at our old Watering Whole boy was that weird. We did have to cut it short because we had to get up to Beaver Creek to check into our hotel and get a good nights sleep before the wedding on Saturday.

I forgot what people do in Denver on a Friday night. They head up to the Mountains for the weekend. The drive was dreadful and I also couldn't show off my amazing mountain driving skills either. We finally arrived at 12:00am checked in, droped off our bags and located the nearest bar. I had to twist the boyfriends arm but shit we just drove over a 1,000 miles and we are finally at one of our destinations let have a beer.

We had one beer and could hardly keep our eyes open, boy did we sleep well especially because this was a much nicer hotel room that didn't have any precarious obvious fluids.

Friday, July 29, 2005

And We are off

We finally got home from work and all loaded up at around 7:00pm and ready to hit the road. Oh, but of course we are starving so we head off to the Burger King woo hoo I rarely eat fast food but then again what are road trips about.

We get on the road around 7:15 hoping to get to Nebraska before we grab a motel. Well, B didn't make it as far as we had planned because he had already been on the road an hour and a half before we starte this journey.

So it is now my turn. Everything was going great a car passed me and I thought hmmph I should follow him until I realized he was going over 90 in a 70. So I slow down and pull back to the right lane and thats when the state trooper passes me to nail the guy in the mustang. Little did I know they were going for both of us. So yes I am not even two hours into my driving and I get a ticket. Damn it.

I decided screw this lets stop in Des Moines and get some sleep but first some beer to shake this experience from my mind. The hotel was disgusting and had some interesting bodily fluids on the blanket that is supposed to be washed. Apparently, the top comforter doesn't need to be washed by law. That is so gross.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Vacation...I am out of here

It has been a crazy, crazy week. I am loaded with work because three days after I get back from vacation my boss is going on vacation which meant I needed a crash course in how she does payroll, how she codes it and various other tasks that I am sure I will not remember by the time I get back.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Most Exciting

This may be the most exciting post you have ever read. Ok not really. My weekend was full but nothing truly exciting.

Friday I stayed home and set up my quicken ap with all of my accounts, loans credit cards, and car payments. I feel so accomplished. I haven't been the most organized in the office at home but in a matter of a few hours I am on top of my game.

Saturday we moved the boyfriend back down so I am a bit sore.

Sunday we went to the Mall of America because I had gone to every other possible store for red shoes and found nothing. And guess what nothing at that huge ass mall either. Also, am I the only one who doesn't like wearing hooker high heeled shoes? But what I really don't get is why there are a million and one red hand bags but no shoes to go with them.

Friday, July 22, 2005

What do you do?

A good friend of mine has been in this relationship with this girl for 2 years now and I just don't know whats going on, I don't even think he understands it. She is from a European Country (protect identity) and she now is here on a work visa because she is doing her post doctorate at the Mayo Clinic.

She seems to be sick all of the time and she also seems to be a bit of a head case. I asked my friend what her family was like and he said her mom has tried to commit suicide and both her mom and dad have severe illnesses. Well that must suck for her.

They have never lived in the same town so they don't really get to address some of these issues, like the fact that they don't have sex hardly at all, that's bad isn't that what is sapposed to happen 10 years into a mariage. Oh yeah and she doesn't believe in marriage or god. I don't think that she can commit but is afraid my friend is going to leave her or she is going to get deported which he said that would be the easiest way to break up, no one would be at fault.

My friend is 30 and he is a god believer and also believes in marriage. He does smile when he is around her but it just seems like its a hassle for him. She has to talk to him every single night and he has not gone out with friends because he has to talk to her and she gets mad if he has other plans.

Him and I have talked at great lengths and quite honestly you can't be in a relationship when one of the parties has a major anxiety problem. He is a nice guy and deserves a great women who has her shit together and has some self esteem.

If any of you out there have anything to add or advise please do in the comments section.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

I love spending other peoples money

Yesterday my mother and I went to get my hair cut you know one of the really nice haircuts I get maybe 4 times a year when my mother gets sick of my hair because quite frankly I am not going to piss 80$ away on a hair cut plus I don't make enough.

I had a really short pixie cut for about 2 years or so and I started growing it out last October well it is finally long enough to get a good hair cut I have been just getting quick trims in the back so it wouldn't annoy me while my bangs were growing out. It turned out absolutely fabulous plus my mom hooked me up with a bunch of Aveda products. I love the smell it is so natural.

Afterwards we were on the hunt to find a new pair of red shoes that didn't have a huge heal and were a little more comfortable for the wedding in Colorado because a) the ones I had were 2" tall b)I got blisters the last time I wore them c) My feet will swell in the altitude d) I am going to be doing a lot of hiking the week right after and would like to be comfortable. But guess what it doesn't seem like they are in style this season so I guess on to plan B where the black dress with black shoes and handbag and shawl in Red. I just couldn't believe we couldn't find a pair of red shoes am I that out of fashion or is it the fact that the shopping gods are again against me.

As we were leaving my mother decided to try to find a skirt for my sister. My sister has lost 130lbs in the last year but still has a little ways to go. Well she needed to get a formal outfit for the wedding that she was going to and she has bought like 6 skirts brings them home and thinks they look like shit and brings them back. Well, in a matter of 10 minutes my mother and I were able to find her a whole outfit that we just knew was going to look fabulous on her.

My mother going out to coffee with her and my niece (my niece is going to France for 5 weeks) and she was going to give it to her then. Well, I couldn't wait plus I wanted my sister to be excited to meet up with my mom for once. So of course I called her. And of course she was worried if it was going to fit or not.

When I took my lunch today there was a message from her and she told me it looked abolutely horrible and was way to small but then started laughing, she was pulling my leg. She absolutely loved it and it fit. Plus we got her an extra shirt so she could pick so she was able to take that back and get a pair of those girdle underwear. I am so happy that she is happy. I also have to thank all the designers I have watched on tv about shopping for your body. The thing is you can look at yourself in a mirror and not really see yourself I know I have gotten stuff from people that I would never wear but then I put it on and it just fits me right I guess this is what we did for my sister.

I think that she will really feel good in this outfit and I have a feeling I am now going to be draged to the mall to help her pick out outfits. I am glad to help anything to make her feel good because she deserves it.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Just thinking and Growing

When I was little I used to dream about being a career lady. I didn't really think that I would marry I don't know if it was I didn't think anyone would be interested in me or if I just didn't want to. But just incase I did get married I wanted to be able to support myself just incase it didn't work out. This is still true but I have learned to really live life.

I have gone through a lot of growing in the last 10 years or maybe I should call it deprogramming that may be alittle more acurate. I have really just steped back and realized I am not and never will be perfect and the people around me won't either. I also learned that you can let things go that it just isn't worth the shitty energy or feelings that come with trying to change something you can't.

I have put a lot of pressure on myself which intern put alot of pressures on various relationships I was in. And guess what none of it was even worth it nor would it ever change. You can only change yourself not others.

About 3 years ago I pretty much gave up or at least decided I was over trying to deal with being in a relationship when I couldn't deal with myself. I spent this time relearning myself getting back to the things that made me happy before my life was crazy busy with school and work and other social activities that really just sucked the life out of me. During this time I discovered some of the friends I hung out with weren't really friends at all they didn't give to shits about me but they did want me to encourage and help them with there issues as well as mooch as much off me as they possibly could.

At one point or another I decided I would much rather do stuff alone then to be surround by a bunch of slackers who didn't have a future who not only used me for basic things but who drained me emotionally. I almost had to get alittle self ritious but I definately got over a huge hurdle.

About a year ago I met this fabulous person we clicked right away but I made sure that I took it very slowly and I put up a few boundries just for good measure. I took my time getting to know him and I kept my personal time and we would hang out once or twice a week which was perfect. As time went on and we had discussed our morals, ethics, values and basic goals for the future. We both discovered we were over fake people aka the Scenesters and over the adolesent behavior of getting wasted and fucking shit up every weekend. We now limit it to once a month, ha ha ha.

Over the year I realized I didn't change anything for him and he didn't change anything for me and we both seemed to just meld together. I had never really experienced this. We talk alot about the things that are important in our lives but ultimately it is the person who needs to make the dicision who makes the decission.

As I have mentioned in previous posts I don't make enough money to really survive and I have been job search for 4 years now to find the right job. Where I work now everyone close has been on my ass to get a raise or a new job. Well, I decided you know what I am going to be planning a wedding soon and I like my job, it isn't stressful, the people are nice and if I need time off I can get it off. Right now I just don't need or want any added stress. I have been super stressed since I graduated college to get that job I dream about. Currently I am happy and that is what is important, I have a college degree and I have amazing skills and I have just realized things happen when they need to and going with the flow is a great thing.

Getting back to letting things go, my mom can't infact she wrote off my Grandma her mother. I told her there were times when I didn't want to deal with her and that I do need breaks from her but that writing off your mother is just f'ed up especially if they are 82 years old. She needs to just realize you can't change other people you can only change yourself and how you react to others.

Living by this has really made me feel more at peace and it has really allowed me to enjoy life for what it is.

Monday, July 18, 2005

It's all good

Friday was the boyfriends birthday and I gave him his present that I had unsuccessfully made and he actually liked it. Yeah! We had a nice evening going for Sushi with his family and pigging out to high heaven it was fabulous.

On saturday we finally got off our asses and went to get our supplies for our big trip in a couple of weeks. We are so dialed in and it was nicea and helpful because my parents hooked him up with a phat gift certificate. That made me really happy because he was going to buy everything anyways but now he got to save some money.

We had the most disgusting, bad service and long wait at this new resteraunt that I will never go to again. It was nice to a good friend of ours we got to catch up on how boring our lives are.

Sunday was a blast a friend of mine had a birthday party at the beach. We bbqed steak which we had an awesome marinade and then I made really good shiscabobs but unfortunately I drilled garlic cloves and they were super good. 3 meals, 3 teeth brushings and 24 hours later I still have horrible breath. Wait til I start sweating. We went swimming and just relaxed it was a really nice day.

We were out by the outlit malls so we stoped. The boyfriend bought me an awesome pair of snowboarding pants, not like I can wear them any time soon but they were a great deal and I needed a pair desperately. So now of course I am thinking of snow even though it is 90 degrees outside.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Life of a Procrastinator

So my birthday present plan is failing miserably. I got the pictures taken and they turned out really good actually and tastefully sexy. I spent about 2 hours resizing (with an action of course) and making sure the contrasts were nice etc. etc. I had gotten a nice black leather book that is smaller so I can mount one picture on each sheet which is perfect. I have just enough photo paper to do tests and to get it printed. Remember I am pinchin' pennies on this one. But for some reason my printer is being a shit head it will print part of it nice and then shitty then shitty and pink WTF. I have a way better poster sized printer but I am out of ink and the ink is expensive so I just printed them on the crappy one and cut and mounted the fucked up prints basically just so I can give him something. It's not like I can just run to kinkos or something you know. Hopefully it will be the thought that counts because he is coming tonight and his birthday is tomorrow so I am now out of time.

It wasn't like I really procrastinated it was more or less I came up with the idea a little too late and had hurdles as I usually do. Well, that what happens when the creative juices don't flow as quick as you would like.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Another Year

My boyfriends birthday is on friday he thinks he is old pff I am two years older and he doesn't even have grey hair. Anyway I have been trying to figure out what to get him but he has everything. Plus he got me a digital camera for my birthday and I definately don't have that kind of money to spend. With the upcoming trip we have planned.

So I figured I would get him one of those keychains that lets you see if there is wireless internet around to tap into. Well he will love it but I can't give him just that. So I decided to put the camera he bought me to use, I took pictures of diffent parts of my body in a bra and panties he gave me. I know this sounds cheesy but whatever thats our relationship. I am going to print them in black and white and mount it in a book for him. And no there are no crotch shots.

It is meant to be romantic not slutty. So wish me luck on pulling this off.

If anyone else has any inexpensive ideas that are better bring them on.

_

Oh and I already have to hang out with his sister on his birthday for dinner. I am so mortified. I hope that little bitch doesn't start anything in front of his parents. Even though they already knew that I told her to f-off and they thought it was funny.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Round and Round

I needed a break at wor today so I decided I am just going to spin my self silly.

I have had a lot of shit on my mind in the last few months, I guess I usually have something going on in this mind of mine for the last 4 years. Lately it is the fact that about a year ago I had a biopsy for cervical cancer cells and they got and they were low leve. Well about 2 months ago I went in for my 6 month check up and they had preceded to a level 3 the highest level before cancer so they had to do a biopsy right then and there. They fuckin' hurt and I have horrible cramps for a few days after, to the point of throwing up. Well the doctors decided that we should go a step further and remove the first layer of the precious tissue. They got all of the level 3 but the rest of it was burned off because it had level 1.

Two and a half months later I finally had sex and it hurts. I am just sick of this shit. I need to quite smoking even though I have cut down considerably but come on I need some help with this process.

Also stressed with the bills that just seem to be piling up because of this procedure and missing income during this whole thing.

So I am having a hard time quiting.

Ok enough complaining, my life is actually very good. I have a beautiful home with a beautiful porch full of flowers that I planted. I get to go on a vacation bac to Colorado where most of my friends live and then off to MOAB to go camping all with my honey. So really I just need to quit whining, but somedays just suck and then you get over it.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Too much of a good thing

This weekend was so blasted hot so of course we decided to go to the pool. On Friday I decided that while at the pool on Saturday I was going to drink champagne. I didn't realize that I was going to share 2 bottles and then drink another 2 by myself.

Needless to say 12 hours later I was completely wasted and don't remember the last 2 hours of awakeness. I am sort of glad I don't. I apparently decided we needed to go home and when my b-friend who was just as lit as I was wouldn't take me I took off and passed out in the grass I think half naked and tried to break up with him. WTF

I then decided I was hungry and I ate a hot dog don't remember this at all. I remember being wasted and wanting to go to sleep. I then preceded to tell the b-friends sister to fuck off or something of the like I may have had my shirt off at this point as well. My night ended with me laying with his dog in her kennel.

I was the worst hungover yesterday that I think I have ever been. I just am thankful I had had on water proof factor 40 sunscreen. I would have been on my death bed if I hadn't. I feel like a complete jack ass but have been reasured that everything was fine.

I still don't feel that way here I am trying to marry this man and I am pissing his sister off which he thought was hilarious and walking around naked, argh.

The funniest thing is that I have partially fake-bonded teeth in the front. And the one tooth has been losing its bonding slowly well it is now all gone and I look like a freakin' prirate. Argh matey.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Reaffirmation on the Radio

Today on Dr. Laura she was talking with a women who has a mother who is a crazy lady in and out of mental hopitals, cheats on her husband and pretty much manipulates/guilts her daughter into everything. Dr. Laura said either you do something about it or don't. But please don't get married.

This came as a shock to the women because had been in a 6 year relationship with a man and they broke up because she was more commited to her mother out of fear than she was to him.

After having heard this I realized that once again I have made the appropriate steps in my life to live a normal happy life, my sister is however stuck in the life with my mother and has neglected her own family and has felt totally torn over this for years.

My mom really fucked with us but in different ways growing up. She abused my sister and told her things like your ugly, fat, dumb, etc. She physically fucked with her and she mentally screwed with me and I allowed this to happen for years until I was about 19 years old. I had had enough.

That is when I said fuck it and moved out of the state where I didn't have to worry about her following me or what not. However, the guilt and the pain and all the shit she did to me was still there stirring in me. This pretty much went on for about 5 years even though I defended my sister and myself to my mom. I tried to come up with a way to make it work but I was unsuccessful.

Until, I finally let it go and not allow her to get under my skin and to just lover her for who she is. Prior and durring this growth period I have had a lot of fucked up relationship. The one that ended 2.5 years ago was the worst but it also taught me really who I am. He pretty much treated me as my parents had for years except there was some physical abuse in there.

He knew he could do it because I had gotten into the situation of almost having to rely on him. Anyway it was really neat to see how I handled my "childhood" in my adult years. It really showed that I had grown as a person. I am really glad I went through that relationship because things are way better.

I now make better choices in friends, I treat people better they treat me better and I finally realized I am now ready to actually get married and have a family of my own and I know that I won't fuck it up. I may fuck up along the way but I won't fuck it up.

In cap I really was happy to hear that on the radio because I am in the process of getting engaged to a fantastic person and I feel like it is my choice and not my parents.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Bored...Candy

I am sitting here at work and have been staring in html now for 6.5 hours and I needed to do something else. I have also been munching on jelly beans, the pear flavored ones are my most favorite they almost have the texture of pears too. I guess I have alway thought that.

So what candies were popular when you were major candy eater, I hope to think that we grow out of it, at least a little bit you know. Well we were into giant jaw breakers just what our parents wanted us to be eating with a mouthful of braces. You had to put them in a zip lock bag first and then through it on a hard ground to get it to break.

Then there was the sour gumball. And they were expensive but boy were they sour they would make you mouth water for days

I don't like the butter or coconut jelly beans they are gross. I like the dipin stix I was thinking about those this weekend and then I saw someone eating them on TV.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Independence

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was rather nice because we did a lot of relaxing. In fact that is all we did.

On the 4th we did go to a BBQ with rather interesting guests. Not the sorts I usually hang out but change of scenery is good occasionally. Most of the people there spend more money on their wardrobes then I have on my new car. Just a little background more of the people came from money and don’t work but then don’t have the things a “normal” person has.

One of the girls we will call K. she just happens to be my boyfriends sister. She happens to think that she is the shit and she doesn’t even have a job really. She pretty much won’t hang out with anyone unless they are head over heals in love with her and they can’t mind being treated like a dog, you’ll see where I am going with this. Anyway so we had eaten and some people had left and we are sitting there and K motions me into the kitchen. She has decided to feed this guy, who is madly in love with her some Cesar’s dog food. She also wants me to give it to him, now I refuse because I don’t want to be the one to do it because it is rather mean plus I would much rather be the innocent by stander. So she makes up a plate with the dog food, basil on top (so it looks good) and some cheese and crackers. Well this guy and his cousin just dive into this shit. I couldn’t believe it and they actually thought it was good. I thought I was going to die laughing these poor people.

I think what I learned out of this whole deal is to not piss that girl off and don’t eat food she has made unless she is eating it.

I hurt my leg like an idiot this weekend. My b-friend and I decided to go skateboarding I was just going to cruise I hadn’t really done that in a couple of years so why not. We had a blast. On Sunday I decided after having drank quite a few beers to go again I was lovin’ it well I got freaked out from going to fast so I jumped off and of course wrecked my knee. So I have been hobbling around for the last 2 days. At least it wasn’t my teeth.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Long weekend

Lets see what do I have to say. hmmmm. Well, this morning seemed to go considerably fast but this afternoon was just ridiculously long. So I am sitting here trying to come up with something to get me through the next 20 minutes.

My eyes are sore because I have been changing html code all day updating the work website. So I really only see pink and blue. I don't have a windo in my office so at least once an hour I go to the front and stare out the window, to maybe take some of the pain away.

I have been promised a window for 2 or 3 months now. Finally someone cam to give him an estimate. It will be great for the winter. I find I need more sunlight during the day in the winter otherwise I get really bumbed out.

This winter sucked because it didn't snow at all. I usually am saved by the fact that I can go snowboarding but I think we went 2 times and there were maybe 3 or 4 runs open. I sure miss colorado I used to get 125 days in.

Ok, what else. I have no big plans for the weekend I am looking forward to doing a whole lot of nothing and drinking a whole lot of beer and eating good food. I managed to get out of going to my parents lake home because the boyfriend has had a hilacious week and didn't want to make plans with anyone. Yeah, he was the one who wanted to go in the first place. But instead now I have to go and water all of my mothers plants. She must think that I have no life. Well, I guess I don't really.

Well enough is enough. I am going to clean up my desk and then head out and get my beer on. Hope everyone has a safe funtastic weekend.