tadi pagi aku sarapan, datang bengali tua jual cincin dengan tasbih. sambil menghirup teh o suam, aku berfikir. am i going to be like this when i reach 50? where am i going to live? do i have any kids or wife?

what the hell is this old man do with his youth. mana adik beradik dia?

i dont think a lot of people do watch this, and guess what, comments everywhere. with or without brain. but it came to my understanding that nurul izzah's statement can be misleading.

it isnt about whos playing the role. i doesnt have to be political enough to understand this. there is no need for media to manipulate this statement into something else and fool people around.

"kebebasan beragama blah blah blah blah, termasuk orang melayu"

so tell me. doesnt that make ur dad inherit islam from ur akkong, and u inherit islam from ur dad, and maybe since it is too liberal and islam bukan agama paksaan, ur child will decide to practice taoism?

this is malaysia. and we're mostly malays (minus those pork eating and alcohol consuming ones) we are born and inherited down the religion from our ancestors. and that statement carries something malicious if u took em wrongly.

this isnt about politics u dumbfucks. this is about reading in between the lines and silver linings. who give a fuck about statement manipulating if the mind already receive something that dangerous as this. i didnt say izzah encourage people to murtad and live freely without any religion, but i am concern her statement toward those people here in malaysia obviously.

and i didnt say this is wrong. i am saying ini tak patut. and there shud be beberapa opinion lain yang kata statement dia tak salah dan bersifat terbuka. there is 7 bill people in this world and there is alot of opinion and perceptions towards this. i am jolting mine's down.

i find myself in a new environment early november. new people. new things. new job. new perspective. and currently im having a long holiday starting wednesday, and only get back to work on 19 nov.

on march i hard 12 days rest, and raya too, 3 days before raya and straight up until merdeka baru kerja. kaw-kaw cuti.

i think i am going to head back to home town on monday or tuesday. mom wants me to meet some ustaz for these night terrors that i am having lately. by the way it stops last tuesday. the last dream is about mirrors. when i try to look at the mirror and start shaving, it cracks. and then i went out, every single thing that made from glass cracks. the mirror, the mug, tv, window. name it.

and the next day it is done. no more night terrors.

i had to admit, these few weeks was hard enough. dealing with personal problems, career. relationshit.
no matter how hard i lied to myself saying things are going to get better, supposed to lah. it didnt change anything.

taking a few days off helps. i did visit my aunt for these past 3 days, makan home-cooked food instead of makan junk foods, crappy foods. mengaji abit. tido. and i start listening to dr intan. personal panel doctor. she said that i am not that fat anymore. all i have to do is to add fiber in my diet. i can still take any food in any quantity but i need to take snacks in between. fruits. green apple, almond, not roasted, dhal, anything with high fiber. so that the fat can be absorbed and turned in to energy. since i have a very tight schedule everyday, not to mention have to climb up stairs. moving here n there, my daily calories distribution is balance, and as well as maintaining heavy stress, does release enzymes that slowly burn all of my fats away.

did a thorough medical checkup. x-tray, bloodtest, eeg, urine and everything. i was declared healthy.

i shud be on pangkor by now, but the people from the resort call be back in tuesday morning saying there will be storm and ferry wont take people there, they want to refund but i said nevermind, a reschedule shud be enough.

oh last night i had fun, playing laser tag and having kenny rogers in ioi mall with scem office puan naha, moji, kak su and people from KJ. thanks to abg izat sbb invite. best gila. now i know what will happen if ur body keep pumping adrenaline. tekak kering, heartbeat naik, jadi aware dengan keadaan sekeliling. laser tag is so much intense dari paint ball, cuma minus the pain la. and ada scoring points. so boleh tgk siapa tembak siapa, who had the most point. i did 3rd. codename andromeda, with 2430 as my score. 2nd place is moji, kak su punya score rosak, puan naha 1100 je, sad

tmr KCR gonna compete in ACG 2012 in ftz asia cafe, subang. will attend, and hopefully they will gain something from tmr match. winning or losing doesnt matter. what matters is they tried.

i had a weird dream. snakes, something not human, consuming alcohol. and stuff. waking up every morning losing all energy. it wasnt sleep at all. i was asleep but i am aware. its like going under.

1st day, i was attacked by a women figure, she's knocking on my windows and when i try to open up and she screams. i woke up and realize it was 7.45 am. bathing in pure sweat.

the next day i am having a dream about snakes. i can see myself sleeping, and there is a black-red colored snake sleeping besides me. waking up 7.45 am. again in pure sweat.

the next day is the same. the snake sleeps above my head and start hissing, as he is prepared to attack.

and this afternoon after sleeping almost 20 hours, i was dreaming about drinking 2-3 cans of carlsberg and getting caught by a women in hijab.

the similarities of all of these series of dream is i always wake up tired. bathing in sweat. and im not sure either i am sleeping or not.

i did my research on google regarding dreams with snakes and alcohol. none of them were pleasantly described. it was the same with the dreams. it was not pleasant and entertaining at all. plus the headache u get waking up from a bad dream.

i called my mom. and she said somebody is going after me. i tried to dismiss her fear by saying dreams is just a game. another realm of satan trying to put me astray. i had 3 weird dreams before. it was a major thing. an old man came and wanna be friends with me, and want to share something. and i was taken to a bunian village during my time in uniten.

and she told me things. doa, baca ayat kursi 44 kali sepanjang malam. and some air penawar she gets.

i wonder what will i have tonight. i dont want any snakes, or any non-human figure. wasting myself with 3-4 cans of booze or any unpleasant dream.

is this the end?
in case u guys notice something happens, or i might not be acting like my usual self, or u notice that i did lose some weight drastically, do give my mom a call.