After coming out, David Testo looks to reach out to others

After coming out, David Testo looks to reach out to others

Life feels like an abyss for David Testo; not bottomless and frightening, but a cleansing chasm, separating him from a life where he did not feel completely himself.

In this happy, unknown territory, dates like Jan. 15 and Feb. 1 do not require him on a soccer field in preparation for a new season. After 10 years, the former Vancouver Whitecaps and Montreal Impact midfielder is not ready to commit to pro soccer. He can just be. And he is content, because two months ago he happily embraced the control of uncertainty when he come out of the closet in a television interview on CBC Radio-Canada.

“I didn’t think there would be this big of an echo effect,” Testo said on the phone from Montreal on Wednesday, in the middle of another day full of interviews.

Related

But life is not lonely in Testo’s personal ravine. Hundreds have reached back, and the gay male soccer player thinks he has become something far more valuable than a brand: a listener.

“A lot of the athletes that I’ve spoken with, some are in the NCAA, some are professional,” the 30-year-old said, “so it is very interesting to know‚ they heard the story and they were able to get in contact with me and [we] were able to stay in touch and we kind of help each other.”

Testo says he thinks speaks to close to 100 people a day, through phone calls, emails and text messages. It is the difference he hoped he would make, though he insists his public declaration was not self-serving.

“I did it more for the other people who might be struggling,” he said. “When I was 15 or 16 and I had this issue always on my shoulders, if someone came out the way I did, it would probably make my world feel a little bit lighter.”

In a May 2010 Sports Illustrated story, “Gareth Thomas‚ The Only Openly Gay Male Athlete,” the legendary Welsh rugby player described the pain of suppressing his homosexuality as a “small black ball lodged in the lower left side of his abdomen‚ oozing fluid.” Testo appreciates the metaphor, saying his own silence was “energy draining.” But the support of family and teammates inspired the confidence that impelled him, which Testo now intends to share.

And advocacy is where Testo’s thinks his journey will ultimately lead him. He is running for a place on the U.S. Soccer Athlete Council, and endorsing a national survey (Male Call Canada) led by the University of Toronto to collect data on the sexual history of homosexual and bisexual men to help prevent sexual transmitted infections. The two-time United Soccer League champion says he hopes to develop an outreach organization, too. Gay sports groups, like Outsports.com, feel another year playing would have as significant an impact.

Testo still loves soccer and has spoken to the Impact, who are entering Major League Soccer this March, about a return. But he feels his place right now is on the sidelines, where he has more control over his narrative, because he knows he is a role model, a stark contrast to athletes like New Orleans Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma, who tweeted on Dec. 28 “Grown men should NOT [have] female tendencies. Period” After fierce backlash, Vilma removed the tweet.

“I would never urge anyone to come out who doesn’t have [the confidence] because it could be detrimental to your mental health, your health in general, and your performance,” Testo said. “I’m very aware of the advice that I do give and I’m not trying to out anyone.”

It is support and prevention Testo wants to offer, so gay teenagers, like Jamie Hubley, do not feel alone. The 15-year-old high school student from Ottawa committed suicide in October. It is the waste of life that still shakes Testo.

“That was something for me that still just blows my mind, and will continue to blow my mind and is very disturbing and upsetting to me,” he said. “I think the more people come out … we can normalize this and show the younger generation that you’re not any different. And there is no reason to hate yourself.”

So Testo lives the life of the prime example, like he did when he captained his team And even if his future is unwritten, he lives to prove the life of a professional athlete out to the closest is not a terrible void. It is an uncharted place full of the light of life.