I can't stress enough how utterly terrible Dream Club is. It's really, really bad. I determined this after having played it for just ten minutes. I know, I shouldn't pass judgment on a game after such a short play time, but it's totally justified here... Dream Club just ain't good!

But, since I'm sure you like the *idea* of virtual hostesses who, if this were a PC game, might actually get naked and take a shower together, here's a trailer for the game. Released today by D3, this trailer shows your entrance into the host club for the first time, all the way through the first campai (that's Japanese for "cheers.").

[video]

I don't know why, but D3 decided to keep the video's resolution all the way down to Sega Genesis level. Guess they don't want to ruin the experience for you. No need to be shy, D3... the game will do that on its own!

Here's the packaging for the game so you'll know what to avoid on August 27.

[end_p text="Click for more on Dream Club, including the new android hostess" /]

D3 also provided a first look at a couple of additional characters. That's right, in a move that would have surprised me if I actually cared about the game, D3 held back until the last minute to unveil two additional hostesses.

First up is Mari, voiced by Sawa Ishige. She calls herself Brandy Marilyn and performs vocals in her big brother's indies band. She feels that music gives her soul and allows her to open up.

As you can see, she looks a bit different from the other Dream Club hostesses. She has a mysterious patch on her left eye, for one thing. And her hair is violet. And I think she's got a little bit of meat on her. And let's not forget about that mysterious patch on her left eye.

I'm not sure I'm reading this right, but one of her catch phrases may be, "I died once, when I was 20. You'd understand if you've died a few times. Would you like to try it out?"

Next up, Aria, voiced by Asumi Kodama. Does she look like something out of Xenosaga? Well, there's a reason for that. Aria is an android!

Made for the purpose of gathering data, she says that there's still much she doesn't know and she hopes that people will teach her a variety of things in order to make her a human girl.

Her catch phrases include, "I am at ease when under an electric tower," and "If I don't have data, I have no idea what to do."

I'd plug into that!

But i won't plug into Dream Club, because my ten minutes of play time convinced me that it totally sucks!