Bowl Movements: More Than Toilet

Tianzifang is full of restaurants serving food that tastes like shit. It seems only appropriate that one of them now serves food that looks like it too. Deep in the bowels of this ever-growing wasteland of schlock and kitsch you will find More Than Toilet. This is the Mainland off-shoot of the brand Modern Toilet, which got its start in Taiwan back in 2004. You've no doubt seen viral images of the restaurant on the internet. Its theme, which integrates the motifs of the beginning and end of the digestive cycle, has been a winner throughout China, with branches in Hong Kong, Fuzhou, Wuhan, Beijing and finally Shanghai.

As a recent arrival, the place is insanely popular, so much so that they've resorted to stationing a doorman out front. He stands guard before one of those retractable rope barriers like a bouncer at M1NT, clutching a clipboard of reservations, acting like his shit doesn't stink. Book ahead, however, and you can feast your eyes on this...

Tables lined with toilets. The lids are sealed, by the way, so do don't get any funny ideas...

And this is what you eat on top of...

It's a wash basin with a coiled up plastic turd in it. Displayed under glass like a museum piece. This motif is spattered all over the place in the form of throw pillows...

Or this weird saggy-breasted plush toy who peered over our shoulders while we dined...

And even whatever the hell this thing is supposed to be...

The theme inevitably soils every conversation you have. We were there for scarcely an hour and our discussions ranged from how to spell "coprophagia" and other compelling questions of etymology like "Why do they call it a 'Cleveland Steamer' anyway?" The lovable South Park character Mr. Hankey floated up from time to time as did that scene in the hardware store in the film Jackass. Eventually, the conversation reached its logical conclusion: Two Girls and One Cup. That's when the server finally plopped this on our table...

On the English menu it's called "Close stool '1.'" It's a yellow squatter full to the rim with a steaming coil of chocolate soft-serve, raisins, Malteasers, marshmallows, steamed milk pudding, bananas, and random gelatinous cubes. It all sits atop a mound of brown slush. Conspicuously absent are any corn and peanuts.

To wash it down, you can order this...

Iced pearl milk tea. In a urinal, of course. I suppose if they really wanted to capture the spirit of the men's room they would put an Altoid at the bottom of it too. Alas, they didn't.

Curiously, not a squirt of lemonade or Mountain Dew are to be found on the menu. Hmm. Go figure.

Or you can have a steaming hot cup of Joe...

Still, it's not all poop jokes. There is a fair selection of food served in its predigestion form. There is spaghetti Bolognese, which looks about as appetizing as, well, a plate of spaghetti that you would get in a Chinese restaurant. The same goes for the sandwiches. There is this too...

Waffles. Arguably the best item we ordered, and the only thing we finished. Why they didn't cram them into a commode I'll never know.

So does it live up to all expectations? Well, when the bar is set at shit, they shouldn't be that high to begin with. Truth be told, it's all a bit half assed, if you'll pardon the expression. The selection of bathroom furnishings-cum-utensils is surprisingly limited. The novelty wears off pretty quickly. They could be a little more creative too. How about a dish like, I don't know, turtle's head soup? And let's face it, this food isn't so much designed to be eaten as it is to be photographed with a smartphone and posted on Weibo, which when you think of it, might make the owners of More Than Toilet pure marketing geniuses. Think of all the free advertising. Thankfully, novelty doesn't come at too great a cost. You probably won't have to squeeze out more than 50rmb per person to get the full experience. So hit it up once, check it off your list and move on.

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