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Beloved

For years, I was so focused on having a “quality ” job. When I was in college I strategically planned out my professional career path. I wanted to make sure my resume was golden. I packed my life with extracurricular activities, leadership positions on campus, and other things for accolades. I wanted to prove I was worthy of an awesome job. I saw how my older sister struggled to get a quality job right out of college during the recession and I vowed to myself to never let my circumstances determine my outcome. I had paid internships at large companies, became an RA on campus and during my last year, I decided to squeeze in a second job. In other words; I was a hustler.

All this paid off, and when I graduated from college in 2012 I had a great job, awesome benefits and a salary making over $40K- straight out of college! I was at the prime of my life. I was 22 years old living the “American Dream.” Until one day my “American Dream,” my job, was shaken. Everything I knew was in a state of uncertainty. My faith wavered and the enemy got into my head. I was diagnosed with depression and my doctor put me on an anti-depressant. I felt like I was living without being alive. It was a very dark time in my life and really felt distant from God. Since I was down I was unable to seek God, I decided to chase another job. One with more money and more security…..so I thought. I ran to a job that paid $50K a year. The money was great but the work was not. It was a sales job, and they were more concerned with profit rather than people. There were some unethical things going on. I only lasted there for a few months before I finally decided to leave. So long story short I went from making 40k, to 50k, to being unemployed in less than a year.

I’m not going to lie, I was torn up! I had to move back to my parents’ house in my hometown, sleeping in my childhood bed. At 23 years old I was at my lowest point. And that’s when God began to break me. For weeks, I didn’t sleep regularly. I stayed up all night and day applying for jobs. I kept trying to get out of my current situation, without seeing God as my main source of help. Even though I was going to church, reading scripture I wasn’t truly applying it. So when I was applying for jobs I got turned down each time. It wasn’t until God revealed to me what my underlined confliction was- Pride.

I prided myself on my job titles, my accolades, and all my other accomplishments. I thought surely if I held these job titles at other companies, another company would want me. When job hunting got me nowhere, God had to humble me. He had to show me I do not control my destiny, He does. He had to show me a job title was not my identity.

I read scripture after scripture on pride and humbleness. I also had to read about plans and patience. Then I began to fast and seek the Lord in prayer. I didn’t realize what a strong hold pride and patience were for me. By being unemployed for a few months, I was blessed with this time to grow spiritually. Even though it didn’t feel like a blessing at the time, I now know it was all in God’s plan. God was keeping me the whole time.

Now I know a job title doesn’t define me- it’s whatever God calls me that matters. He titles me and gives me a name, which is way greater than any title a job can give me.