I wish I could start again

I have many problems. But one problem right now gives me very little time over for something like this blog. It really makes me sad to say but it’s the truth, as well as just lacking the energy to be productive on a entertainment level.

Main problem right now is that I don’t have a job. And that has forced me to do what The Unemployment Office tells me to do. They want me to do this internship. But it’s not any internship. At this place I learn pretty much nothing and they don’t hire people, people work there for free. I’m there 8.5 hours a day (except on Fridays when we end early), I sit in front of a PC looking at scans of old books from the 1800 century and forward. These books are written by priests, they documented where people moved in and out of the region we call “Skaraborg”, today it’s a part of “Västa Götalands län”. Think of it as a state or prefecture.

And the way they wrote back then was crazy, letters can have zero resemblance to what we read today. So it’s really hard to make out names and towns. We are to look for immigrants and then register them. I find the writing and the immigration a bit interesting actually. For about an hour… It’s so damn boring!

I try to use time there looking for jobs and writing job applications, and other stuff I’m not really allowed to do. But to get back to the point. I go up 6:45, ride my bike for 30 minutes in the cold. Sit at a computer for about 8.5 hours. Go home. Feel tired and of course you wanna do SOMETHING fun or maybe you need to do SOME chores. And on top of all this I’m in need of a job more than ever. Because I’m not getting any money from any place!

I could just walk away and say I wont do it. I would of course! But there’s a catch. I have to be registered at The Unemployment Office NOW because in about 3 months when my money run out I will turn to the Social Service, and ask them for money. The last resort. I need money to stay in my apartment, I don’t wanna lose it and if I did I don’t know what I would do with my cat Akira. They have said that I now need to be doing this in order to get money when I do apply for economical support.

So yeah that’s my problem. I got no other choice. But it’s outrageous to be frank. It’s stupid. I’m at this “internship” cause I don’t have a job, and my ability to get get a job have decreased because of it! It’s like a damn paradox! It’s such a waste of time! Not only for the sake of getting a job but time out of my life in general being wasted. The Unemployment Office is suppose to HELP you get a job, if not that then at least not make it harder for you get one! Really it makes me both angry and sad that we’re being treated liked this. I never complain about much and I’m not asking them to help me. Just don’t get why they have to make peoples lives harder with stupid shit like this.

And even worse, I got a letter from both The Unemployment Office AND the Insurance company saying, you are validated for and will be getting compensation, just the same amount of money as before. But no! It was a mistake a lady from The UO told me. Even SHE was the one who sent the letter from them. They are really bad at their job and it’s really frustrating when you feel their grip on you giving you no other option but to fall in line.

I know I live in a country where I get a lot of help and we are a welfare country and all of that. I know, but this is the reality and I’m talking about this specific thing within these circumstances. I really hate this situation and I see no end to it any time soon. But I’m really trying harder to get a job, I know I suck at it but I’m trying.

I still use Twitter and Youtube but I’m being much less productive online. I so wish I could start posting more here, making better Youtube videos, studying Japanese (which has basically halted as of now), planning my trip to Japan… and LIVE.

This post turned out much bigger that I had planned and it has nothing to do with what this blog is meant for, but there you have it. Thank you.