As I slowly press onward and inward I realize I am alone. Nothing has changed. The world is as I left it. It was a horrible place when I left. An indifferent Godless place. Nothing has changed. It remains the same. As I look for what is real, I look for it alone.

When I was a small boy in school, first or second grade, I loved the Christ based Christmas shows every year. In those days God was everywhere in the school systems. The flag was everywhere and one had to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag every morning. That was a time before the insanity of Darwin and these other backward loonisies that hit the school systems in he 80's. This is before the neglect of the children. Before the abandonment of the American flag and the American child by its country. Before the bulling. Before the gun rules and gangs. The world was still owned by the family not the state. The man in the family ruled everything everywhere. A Women's roll was not to take over a man. Her roll was to help. Women were not men, and men were not women. Men were brought up to work and protect and take care of a family. In those days a mans outlook had a chance. He did not feel like he was living in someone else's country while his borders disappeared out from underneath him. He now lives in a giant parking lot, and he lives alone. No connection to self to his neighbor, or his original blue print.

The world is a lesser place of faith. The people are colder, meaner, more evil. I feel people are more sociopathic then before. Children had God when I was young. No one crossed this idea, no one crossed this line. This idea was based on love and security, faith. Love and security was the right of the family. When the families rights began to disappear, so the right to feel individual disappeared. Thus, the system began to take over the family and the boundaries of self provision..

The family values are gone... The family system has been destroyed. The family system is no more.

Does honesty have any value, No. Not in this land. Im an honorable person. I have a good name! does this mean anything to anyone, NO!. Its not a value of importance. It means nothing.

Its who I am, not what I do.

love me for who I am, not who I know.

You either love me or you don't. Ive lost all family system members over this, and most , if not all my friends.

At one time women liked me because I was honorable and respectable, not because of the amount of money I brought in every month. I was a decent man. Not now!. Things have changed. Now its about who you know, and where you work, what school you went to, how much money does your family have.

If you have little money, its rape. If you are the middle class, its incest, if you are of the rich, its privilege. If you are the victim, its the rope for you.!

Respect has no place among the human race. Respect has no respect.

Im a respectful person, Im not going to change this, it is the best part of me. It always has been.

Racism:

Im basically a none racial person.However I do have a kind of reversed racism. Im afraid someone who want's to know me will reject me when they find out I don't live up to the racial propaganda performance level of the caucasian middle class look.. In other words, they will think Im a looser. And they wont be friends with me. This is sad for me. Nothing new in the land of performance.

Why pick one race that might not like me. Why bring race into this. I get slammed for being a looser across the board by all people. Its equal opportunity judgement. Its about performance. Performance prejudice; dealing with the performance nazis. If I don't perform like a monkey should, Im not accepted. If I don't perform like a monkey, none of the other monkeys let me into monkey island society. I guess Im suppose to feel bad about this. I don't.

Writing prejudice is a huge problem, especially on the internet. The grammar Nazis are everywhere.

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You either want to be a friend of mine or you don't.

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I'm sorry if you don't~!.

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Ive gone though numerous middle class people, many of them. Iv'e been thrown away by most. It was always conditional. If I didn't have the job or if I choose recovery work, I was immediately thrown away. Most of the time when I was sick and genuine, I was thrown away. If I had money and was dishonest, I would be fine with the world. Id have plenty of friends.

Ive been thrown away by people all of my life. I am the scourge of the middle class. They don't know what to do with me. I don't need social positioning and I cant be controlled. Im a bag of counteractions for these people. I have allot problems, yet, I say nothing. Im not a criminal. Im not a thief or a lier. Therefore, I cant be pulled into lower social positioning as a criminal. Im well educated, Im intelligent, creative, yet I seek no audience. What does one do with a person like me.

Im not one of them. Im of the Psychiatric class, not the middle class. The middle class has nothing to offer me. Theres to many kids hanging by the rope every month to believe in this society or its way of life. To many kids are swinging from a rope in any society; I don't believe in any of this. Societies, governments. people, kill. They kill for the fun of it. Is it all right that a child die that I may live as I wish. How about being raped, is that OK as well. Im suppose to believe in "any" societal structure that practices human scarifies, sacrifice as Ive mentioned above. NO THANKS> Please God get me out of here, let me die before I kill myself. I will be found dead at some point. I know it. I wont stay here.

I don't know how Im going to live out here. Im at odds with everything. Completely at odds to the point that I would rather die then be apart of anything. I would rather go to heaven. That would be nice.

Its a fluke that Im alive at present.

Last edited by OMNICELL on Tue Apr 17, 2012 10:39 am, edited 8 times in total.