moment of clarity

warning: this contains truth and fiction.
the lines are meant to be extremely blurred.

Friday, April 11, 2008

unlimited edition

in a few weeks time it would be a year since i've officially become a lawyer. that make me look back and ponder about a lot of things. after all, life has changed a lot. a whole lot. but, as of this hungry moment all i an think about is the gift i got from my parents on my oath taking. they bought me a new music phone which also happened to have a carl zeiss camera.

a few months after i got the phone i lost it. in a courtroom in marikina. for a hearing set for a case that wasn't even mine. on a day when i was supposed to meet my law friends for coffee. during a season of life when life (or my take on it) was all too bright and sunny.

that day i went back to m apartment lost and very disappointed at myself. because i had to reconstruct and recollect things for this lapse. my phonebook, my planner, my memories. but the main thing, really, was...i hated myself for losing that thing which my parents happily gave me (i guess) for making them proud.

as i threw myself on to my bed, i stared at the box which used to house my "limited edition" phone. then, i cried. i was heartbroken. because the gesture of my parents meant a lot. and now it would seem like i took it for granted. like all the other gestures, grand and generous, my parents did for me (and my brother) throughout our lives.

when the crying stopped i called my father who --despite obviously wanting to lash out at me- simply told me to relax and asked me if i were okay. this made me cry all the more. there i was, a grown up...a lawyer who just participated in and witnessed the litigation of juveniles accused of all sorts of felonies...crying like a baby for having just lost something symbolic of my parents' love and being comforted by them about it.

it's almost been a year. a lot of things have changed about and around me...my concept of lawyering, my principles, my status, and perspective. only one thing has remained constant...i am (more) in awe of how my parents can be as giving as they have always been. i remain inspired by the capacity of a parent's heart to expand. i am thankful for having been born to parents who never get tired of nurturing the child in this adult they have raised.

congratulations to me for one year of being an advocate. appreciation to my parents for decades of discernful rearing and relentless loving.