The 2010 Golden Globes Yearbook: Our Senior Superlatives

If you want to see who walked away with last night’s official Golden Globe awards, you can check out a full list of winners here. Meanwhile, we were watching from home and have a few of honors of our own to dole out. Feel free to add your nominations in the comments.

Never Got the Memo that Anorexia Just Isn’t Cool Anymore, Even Kate Moss Has Hips These Days Award: Calista Flockhart

Homer Simpson Award for Actor Who Would Rather Be Home Watching Football: Jets Fan Samuel L. Jackson

T.G.I. Friday’s Award For Best Flair: Paul McCartney

Most Visible “Golden Globes”: Mariah Carey

Best “Golden Globes”: Christina Hendricks

Who Knew She Had “Golden Globes” Award: Anna Paquin

Screw This I’m Not Even Nominated, I’m Getting Wasted, Wearing a Cowboy Hat, and Bringing a Russian Stripper Who Doesn’t Speak English As My Date Award: Mickey Rourke

Apples and Oranges Award for Biggest Disparity in Looks: Penelope Cruz and Harvey Weinstein, who were interviewed together on the red carpet.

Dude Who Still Pulls Off an Earring Even Though They Went Out of Style for Men When He Was in High School Award: Colin Farrell.

Best Pronunciation of Gabourey Sidibe: Helen Mirren. Say what you will the British upper class, but their diction is unparalleled!

Jane Jetson Memorial Award for Actress Who Looks Like She Arrived Straight from a Funeral in the Year 2110: January Jones

Joke That’s Funny Now But Won’t Make Sense Five Years for Now When You Catch a Re-Run Award: Ricky Gervais for the line, “Let’s get on with it before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno.”

Best Joke No One Laughed at Because Americans Don’t Know What the Word “Loo” Means: Toni Collette

Best Supporting Actor: William Hurt’s Beard

Why Am I Still Getting Nominated, My Show Hasn’t Been Funny for Years Award:Entourage, Jeremy Piven

Presenter Whose Own History of Psychedelic Drug Use Has Burned Out His Brain so Irreparably That, Ironically, He Ruins a Pretty Funny Drug-Related Joke Due to Poor Memorization and Sloppy Line Delivery: Paul McCartney, for the line, “Animation is not just for children. It’s for adults who take drugs.”

Runner Up: Paul McCartney for the line, “My name is Paul McCartney, or, as I’m now known, that guy from Rock Band.”

Best Forehead Joke: Neil Patrick Harris describing his own giant forehead as a “Five-Head.”

Creepy Incest Award: Michael C. Hall, who, it was revealed, is real-life married to the actress who plays his sister on Dexter. Ewww!

The Bruce Springsteen Award for Song That Gets the Golden Globe Because It’s Going to Get Snubbed by Oscar Even Though It Deserves to Win Award: “The Weary Kind (Theme From Crazy Heart)”