And yet why do I feel like it could be the beginning of one of those sci-fi movies where the scientists are the first ones who are killed by the monster they made themselves?

That’s just me, isn’t it? Okay, never mind…

I stole the brain fiber thing (with Anna-Liza’s permission) because I figured it was about damn time I did a post again.

What have I been up to lately? Mostly no good. Unfortunately, not in any of the fun ways.

I did go have a physical, and a mammogram. Wouldn’t a mammogram make a great Mother’s Day present? Doesn’t it say “I want you healthy and around for a long time”? Maybe mammograms can become the spa of the decade. Gather all your friends, go have a mammogram together. You can go out for drinks and pedicures after. Yes, dammit, I want a margarita with my pedicure. Is that so wrong?

Mine took about 15 minutes, and the technician was a hoot. Yes, a hoot. And yes, they do take extra pictures of my bountifulness, and yes, I do have bruises but not painful ones. I want to make a Bounty joke here, but can’t think of one. Please insert your own.

And the physical confirmed my suspicion that I have arthritis in my right knee.

Oh, boobs and arthritis in the same post. Why aren’t the men lining up?

Maybe it’s my addiction to weirdness. And the amount of fiber on my brain.

I’d better be careful. The Fiber Brain Zombies are going to come looking for me…

A bunch of coworkers and I went bowling yesterday. I should perhaps mention that I haven’t been bowling since I was, oh, eleven. Or maybe twelve. The memory is a bit vague.

We had a bunch of fun, I pulled a muscle in my butt, I bowled a score of 7 in the first game. Yes, 7 over the whole ten frames. Really. We drank beer and danced around and sang with the jukebox a little. By the third game, I got a couple of spares and a couple of strikes and scored 95.

I was *just* this stylish

Heh. More beer = better bowling. I’ve always heard it was true, and now I know it from personal experience.

And then I had to go have Darlin’ K rub liniment on my butt. Well, on the sore side, anyway. Okay, okay, it’s really my left hamstring, from a little above my knee up through my buttockal area to my lower back – but “butt” is funnier.

Being thin is an awful goal towards which to strive. It is certainly not the goal of an exercise program. Writing an entire, ostensibly meaningful and important story on whether exercise can make you thin is analogous to wondering whether going to college can get you laid. Yes, but that’s not really the point.

The goal of working out, and even of eating healthy foods, is to be HEALTHY, which may or may not mean being thin. In fact, for many people, it will not mean being thin. And being thin does not necessarily mean being healthy, either.

Okay, Pollyanna, step away from the soap box.

And now for something completely different…

I screwed up really huge on Monday, and I feel terrible about it. I felt sick, so I stayed home. I spent most of the day napping and/or watching TV, and hanging out with the dog. And then I stepped outside for just a moment, and the dog got out, and he went after another dog. I grabbed him and neither dog was hurt. But the other owner went home and called Animal Control and says that my roommate’s dog bit his (the other dog owner’s) hand. Animal Control came and took my roommate’s dog for ten days of observation. (Animal Control says the man has two minor marks on his hand, but honestly, his own dog could have done it for all I know. I certainly did not see my roommate’s dog bite his hand.)

Both of my roommates are upset, of course, and their poor dog looked so scared getting into that truck. He was just shaking, and so was I.

I just don’t know how to atone for this. It was a momentary lapse of concentration – I thought I’d latched the dog gate, and I thought I’d closed the front door all the way, but obviously I didn’t. And my roommate’s dog might have thought that he was coming to my rescue, as the other dog was moving toward me. He is very protective. (The other dog was tiny and friendly, but he could have thought I was in danger.)

The roommates are so careful with their dog. They never let him near strange dogs or people, and they would never have made my mistake and let him escape. I feel terrible that they are going through this, and that their dog is being punished for my carelessness.

Hi, all, Anna-Liza here. While I’m no longer the biggest hippie on the block (I never actually was, but who am I to mess with the illusions of others), there are still some things I do or think that strike some people as rather flower-childish. One of those would be my belief that one should avoid using on one’s skin or scalp anything that can’t be eaten.

Well, I guess anything can be eaten, but I’m thinking more along the lines of “eaten without ill effect”.

As a result, one of the most obviously weird things about my personal care regimen (and really, I don’t know that what I do can properly be called a “regimen”) is that I don’t use shampoo. At all. I wash my hair with baking soda.

“Horrors!” you say. “She must have hair the consistency of year-old straw!” Mais non, mes petits-choux, and I can prove it.

This is my head on Facebook

Okay, maybe you’d have to touch it for me to really prove it, but if you were here I’d totally let you fondle my head. All in the name of science, of course.

First, you need baking soda. Brand name baking soda is not necessary. A tablespoon or two dissolved in warm water is plenty – I use a pint-sized deli container. Literal pint, not teensy. Wet your hair first, then pour the baking soda solution so it gets on all of your scalp. Massage gently for about 30 seconds, then rinse it out.

I balance the pH after this by rinsing my hair with diluted apple cider vinegar. I use very little vinegar – maybe an inch at most in the bottom of a plastic jar (formerly used to hold peanut butter), then filled with warm water. Pour over scalp and, if you want to, rinse. Some people prefer to use the vinegar full-strength. Don’t worry, you will not end up smelling like salad. The vinegar smell disappears once your hair dries. If you rinse with plain water again after the vinegar rinse, there will be no smell left at all.

I do use a leave-in conditioner now that my hair has gotten curly. When my hair was straight I didn’t bother. A lot of people will merely put a few drops of almond or other light massage-quality oil in the palm of their hand, rub their hands togther, then put the oil in their hair (focusing on the ends and not at all on the scalp). I like grape-seed oil. Some people add a little essential oil of rosemary to the massage oil.

ETA: As Darlin’ K mentioned in his comment, you don’t do this every day – depending on the weather, my level of activity, and what my hormones are doing, I end up doing the baking soda thing once every 4 to 7 days and just rinsing my hair in between. Also, be really careful to keep both the baking soda solution and the vinegar out of your eyes – they sting something fierce. AND, there’s no lather. That was the thing that was hardest for me to get used to.

If you need a deeper conditioning treatment, avocado makes an awesome conditioner. Mash it up, put half aside for guacamole (okay, you’ll probably need more than one avocado for the snack version), and coat your hair with the rest. Encase your avocado-ey hair in a cheap shower cap or plastic wrap, then wrap a towel around it and let it soak in the lovely avocado-essence for at least five minutes. You can add the garlic and lemon juice to the guacamole and relax with a snack and a little light reading while you’re treating your hair. Can you say “spa day?”

You’ll need to wash your hair after, and it will be lovely!

By the way, I’ve been treating my hair this way for years, even back when it was straight and so long I could sit on it. Think of all the money I used to spend on shampoo that I can now spend on yarn!

Lyda here. Wow, I guess I’m not posting every day in April, am I? Things got pretty nuts at work, and then of course there’s the rest of my life… Summary: ugh, can we just not talk about it?

In the last few weeks, I’ve been working overtime and trying to get enough sleep and keep up with minimum hygeine standards and… oh yeah, do my taxes and other trivial stuff.

Here’s an old tax joke:

The Short Form:1. How much money did you make in 2009?
2. Send it in.

I have spent some time with the Sith Master on the weekends, which has kept me sane. In the last weeks, we have been on a movie binge. We saw “How to Train Your Dragon” (but not in 3D) – we liked it. The protagonist is likeable, the dragons are great, and the main female character is terrific. We saw “Clash of the Titans” (in 3D) – we liked it. Sam Worthington as Perseus, Liam Nelson as Zeus, and Ralph Fiennes excellent as Hades. Sadly, Perseus never takes his shirt off, which I was hoping for. The Sith Master didn’t even notice this, of course; he was busy looking at the beautiful maidens. And oh yeah, the kraaken.

But I digress…

We saw the Matt Damon movie “Green Zone” (definitely not in 3D) – we liked it. It was excellent, and not at all what we expected. We talked about the subject matter for hours afterwards, which we agreed is one of the things a movie like this should do. We even saw “Cop Out” (also not in 3D) – we liked it okay. Y’all can wait to rent it, or even to see it when it comes on TV. But hey, Bruce Willis – had to see it.

And at home, I watched “Fido” (also not in 3D). Yes, again. I love that movie. And several other movies – again.

And as always, I’ve been watching as much TV as I can get away with, especially “Project Runway” and “RuPaul’s Drag Race 2” – I’m addicted to both. Neither is in 3D even though the second is sometimes close.