Our friends at PeoplesGenealogy.com, in cooperation with the current interim provisional government of Kenya and Hawaii, have published their research of Barack Obama's ancestry, starting with the oldest forebear they were able to verify.

King Putt - pharaoh of ancient Egypt during the Sorosian dynasty. He saved his country's economy by spending all of his subjects' money on building a huge pyramid, which housed an indoor golf course.

Emperor Nerobama - set fire to Rome, fiddled while it burned, and blamed it all on the Christians and their "war on women."

Robin Hoodie - popular leader of Occupy Sherwood Forest. After a successful career of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, he and his wife, Maiden Michelle, retired to a large castle, which they purchased along with about one third of France. ~Sir Issac Nobama - after being struck in the head by an ACORN that fell from a tree, he formualted the Theory of Grave Voting, known today as the Chicago Way.

George Obamashington - as a young lad, George Obamashington chopped down his father's cherry tree. When his father asked him who did it, he replied, "I cannot tell a lie... Georgie Bush did it!"

James Monrobama - Statesman who created the Monrobama Doctrine, which stated that any act of agression that occured in the Western Hemisphere would be U.S.'s fault.

Andrew Johnsobama - Even though he was hundreds of miles away taking a nap at the time, this pol claimed he was leading the patrol that cornered and killed Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth.

Thomas Alva Obama - Man who said "Genius is 99% government mandated." Thomas Alva Obama mocked Edison's incandescent bulb as being inferior to his own "solar-powered light," which was really just a pane of glass.

Barack Obirdseye - Inventor who went bankrupt pioneering frozen meals such as "arugula and poodle patties."

Wilbur Orville Obama - During a demonstration by the Wright brothers of their new invention, the airplane, Wilbur Orville Obama groped one of the onlookers and stole the wallet of another, paving the way for the modern TSA.

Albert Obamastein - Developer of Quantum Race Theory, which posits that if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, it's still the white guy's fault.

Neville Obamalain - British diplomat who suggested holding a beer summit in response to Hitler's demand that Czechoslavakia cede to Germany the Sudetenland in a 'land for peace deal."

Gen. George Pattobama - American general who, during WWII's Battle of the Bulge, slapped an American soldier for burning a copy of Mein Kampf.

Ambassador Adlai Obama - At a critical point in the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis, he told President Kennedy that the United States "deserved to be blown up."

BONUS FEATURES:

Higgs Bosonobama, discovered by physicists at the Large Hadron Collider at Cern, Switzerland, as having been the "God Particle," which Created the "Big Bangobama," which led to the Left Quark, and, unfortunately due to quantum error, also led to the Right Quark but, fortunately, also led to the Lepton, which later evolved into one of his Iris ancestors, the Lepriconobama, who found the first pot of gold hidden by a 1%-Sticky-Tacheon, which was then devoured by the singularity (also known as the mini-black-hole) some physicists feared might be created by the Large Hadron Collider. Soon after the period known as "Inflation," this singularity became what is now known (under the Grand Disunified Theory) as the Obamageddon:

Physicists at Cern are still struggling to understand the relationship between the Higgs Bosonobama and "Dark Matter" as well as "Dark Energy," which is different from the Darkness from which Obama is leading us into the Light.

As I study Dear Leaders tree, it occurred to me that though grafted and cultivated, the (shall we say) "birch" limbs have been pruned away about three years ago, leaving something claimed to be mahogany, only lighter...

Thousands of women, now knowing for sure they were under attack by evil alien rethuglikkkans, flooded newspaper offices and radio and police stations with calls, asking how to flee their city or how they should protect themselves from "birth control oppression rays." Scores of Georgetown U. co-eds reportedly required medical treatment for shock and hysteria.

Who could forget the great Nobama Barrakart, who led his people to non-ending brilliant victories in Mother Russia against the evil bourgeois rulers, retreating only because of treacherous kkkkapitalist thugs in Londonistan London

King Obarius of Persia, who lead a massive army against Greece, at only a minimal expense to the greatly benefiting conquered peoples of the Empire Government, for refusing to obey his Mega-Government Tax policies & leaving Persia not exposed to future conquest by obscure Macedonian

General Hanibamaof Carthage, who saved his country from total defeat by not arousing a war of vengeance against the Romans and leaving his capital & people at their mercy.

Obilla the Hun, who liberated the Italians from Roman crucifixions and acquired vast sums of money from Kapitalist Pig-Pope for his soldiers use of prostitutes & beer, for his soldier's trade with sex-workers & food, for equal redistribution to the people.

Robin Hoodie - popular leader of Occupy Sherwood Forest. After a successful career of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, he and his wife, Maiden Michelle, retired to a large castle, which they purchased along with about one third of France.Opiate of the People, I denounce you!!! How dare you insinuate our dear leader is related to capitalist criminal, who stole from the TAX COLLECTORS and gave to the TAX PAYERS?????

I am so glad to hear all this, comrades. I had foolishly believed that one of Dear Oleader's ancestors had been instrumental in importing rats with infected fleas into Europe so that we could have the Black Death plague of 1349. That was the most progressive event in all of history. By some reckoning, at least a quarter and possibly half of the people were killed.

Comrade Loaf, it is obvious that Bill Ayers ("Guilty as hell, free as a bird, what a country" after he murdered three people constructing a bomb wrote both his books. In fact a search while he was editor of the law review shows no articles whatsoever published by him.

Which means of course that he didn't have the right support staff then. He had not been vetted by Joe Biden as being a Negro who cleaned up good and so would be the stalking horse for totalitarianism.

Never forget that President Oblameo is the accidental president: the vessel into which our dear totalitarian brothers poured all their hope, after nurturing him, grooming him, until they had the Kenyan Candidate.

Pamalinsky, thanks for the attribution. I wondered where I got that secret knowledge, the stuff that I use on the proles whom I impale on the south forty. I have English blood and Irish blood and so I know it from both sides.

Ah well, what's a little skin trade? After all, if it's no skin off my ass, then it's just not important.

Somewhat ott, but ComradeGrover Norquistwould like to validate Obama's proletarian roots & ensure all comrades that Obama is NOT Louis XIV:

Quote:

GROVER NORQUIST: Only President Obama equates himself with the nation. When people say, "I hope that Obama is stopped in his effort to raise taxes and spending," that's opposition to Obama's policies.

We want the country to succeed, which is why we oppose the bad things, the damaging taxes and spending and regulations and trial lawyer stuff that Obama and the Democrats are putting forward.

He is not Louis XIV, "L'etat c'est moi." It's the nerve of Obama to say that criticism of him is disrespectful to the country. He isn't the country. He is not Fearless Leader. He's the head of the executive branch of government.

Unfortunately, as in every family, there are some black sheep in the obama clan (no pun intended). Dear leader obama has a a criminal in his background. In the 1990's there was a dangerous predator named obamabundy. Obamabundy would kidnap young women, strip them down to their underwear and hide their clothes to discourage their escape. Then he would try out his speeches on them without a teleprompter in an effort to rid himself of his addiction to the machine. His stammering, his unintelligible gibberish, and his boring speech would drive the young girls to insanity and about half would commit suicide by strangling themselves with their own bras.

I am told that Bundy had quite the way with innocent people. People with entire minds of course knew that he was spreading rubbish, but the trusting, the credulous, the believers--all those who wanted Hope and Change, which is to say people who wanted to run a tab on their lives at the expense of others--believed him.

Those women wanted to believe.

And with President Barack Hussein Kardashian we have a nation that Wants to Believe.

Heal us, oh Lightworker! Heal us! Save us from ourselves! Absorb us into your galactic mentality! Make us one with you! We are nothing compared to your sheer awesomeness!

Pardon me. I have to change shirts. Suddenly it's looking like lunch, but an hour after I ate it.

Ah well, what's a little skin trade? After all, if it's no skin off my ass, then it's just not important.

As usual, Father Prog, you are in progpliance with dear leader's view.

I submit this to bolster your undeniably gruesome statement (Pssst! Well done!):

IRISH COMPASSION

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England, Wales and Ireland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug, sir?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss, boyo?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The Irish woman came to him and said, 'Ave ya ever been fooked, lad?' The man broke into a big smile and said, ‘no’. She said, 'Ah well, ya will be when the tide comes in.'

Heh, heh! Let's not kid ourselves Father Prog. We both know the Irish woman represents Obama's Irish "Roots." (Forget about the African ones!) She is, of course, referring to the rising tide of "Hope and Change."

After the excellent Jiffy-Lobo™ Total Immersion Experience that you had last May Day? I cannot believe that there is anything left to feel pain. That's why I love you so, Pam--you're an utterly mindless running dog for the meanest and nastiest people on earth.

Ah. If only Bruno wouldn't get jealous, I'd be making big eyes at you. Don't tell Pinkie though; I've been trying to get her to rescue me. I know too much to trust Sister with it. That Opiated bit is more than it seems on the face of it.

And Leninka? Shifty, shifty, shifty. There's something, well, slithery about her. And I don't mean that in the good prog way. She's just...I don't know. Frightening.

Could she be the Prog That Will Come? A double layer of treachery?

But soft. If there is a double layer of treachery, then there could be a third layer. So we could have double agents, right? Or triple agents?

Oh. My head is hurting, and that takes something because during MY May Day Jiffy-Lobo™ I slipped the doctor and extra $50 for the Full Peloski.

That's where he scoops out all of your brain, and then burns what's left down to the skull with a blowtorch. That and a little Botox and a fright wig will get you to be the House Minority Leader any day.

That's why I love you so, Pam--you're an utterly mindless running dog for the meanest and nastiest people on earth.Oh, Father Prog, It is soooo wonderful to have someone love me for who I am! Warts, boils, skin-tags and all! (Sigh!) You make me blush!

It occured to me, Komrades, that there are no openly gay incestors ancestors in Dear Reader's (AP&PBUH) noble lineage. Though I do not "swing that way" by virtue of my own personal choice, it seems unfathmable that no mention has been made for the sake of the LGBT community.

REG, I had hoped that this would not be brought up but you have dragged it into the light.

President Barack Hussein Kardashian actually has no possibility of having gay ancestors. Or straight ones either. Or brothers or sisters or aunts or uncles who are gay.

I'd hoped to keep this hidden, but Dear Oleader does not, how shall I put this? come from people who procreate in the normal fashion. He's actually the spawn of the miscegenation of a retrovirus and a planarium worm. And those things switch sexes as fast as Dear Leader switches stories.

It is clear, Father Prog, that Dear Leader could never put that dot on his driver's license designating him as an organ donor as all citizens can opt to do, for the very reasons you specified.

He has been deprived of internal organs by his mother's voiding herself at his birth. Specifically, he has no heart! I could elaborate on the absence of his other organs but, what's the point? Being voided at birth already contains the reality of the absence of a heart and other organs and body parts like a spine, gall bladder, brain, I could go on and on! The Progs dream! We a"void" this discussion because we wish to keep it secret!

Not having a heart is the tell-tale sign of a true Prog! (even though we proclaim the opposite!) Let's keep the deflect going!

Ah, Pamalinsky, you're right in that justice needs no qualifiers. Justice is what we say it is.

Justice is what we pull out of our asses each morning, after of course, our early-morning brain download from our superheterodyne, phased-locked-loop tin-foil hats.

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Now, and this is in camera, I thoroughly approve of the juxtaposition of the words in the phrase "Marxist thought." We know it's not thought. We know it's insane rambling meant to disguise a bloody-minded insistence on controlling every single thing on the face of the earth. Thought has nothing to do with it except insofar as we must think to lie, cheat, steal, and enslave.

Because we're Progs. And that's what Progs do.

Just ask Rachel Maddow, if you can get her out of her hoodie.

BTW, on MSNBC overnight on the weekends, there are prison documentaries. I have seen videos of cell extractions. Do you think that we could use a cell extraction to get Rachel Madcow out of her hoodie?

First we had subliminal messages advertising Camel cigarettes showing Joe Camel's head in the "subtle" image of a dick. We have progressed to having actual dicks telling us what to think, feel, eat, and buy.

ROCK, you are engaged in a fascinating dialectic, which I learned in The Fountainhead, which I read as opposition research. I hate individuality as do we all, and I'd murder a Howard Roark if I found him. Of course. He might show me up.

In this we hear Gordon Prescott, the architect, tell us that every freedom requires a response, and you have to deal with freedom. Which you have to do. Which means that freedom requires action that you're compelled to do.

Therefore there is no such thing as freedom. QED.

So since competence means that you didn't have time to become competent in something else, you cannot by definition be competent. Competence in one thing is not enough. Unless you're a prog, when competence is only required when lying, cheating, objurgating, and stealing.

Progs therefore do not need competence for we are defined as progs when we can do that. But competence elsewhere does not exist. Which means that we need not pay more for anyone who is competent, and it also means that no worker makes the job; the job makes the worker.

All you have to do is show up and you're great. You wear the job drag, and you're just fine.

Make Joe Biden a senator and he's a great sage, even though he'd be fired from giving the bally at a carnival.

And take someone who spent years engaging in intimidation and voter fraud, and make him president, and you have the greatest president of all times.

Instead of a larcenous, half-bright, narcissistic, Chicago thug who would more properly be handing out towels in the men's room. After he unzipped the men's pants so they could pee.

Now I absolutely do need an ibuprophen. Or perhaps an additional Jiffi Lobo™ to calm me down. The infestation of too much rhetoric truly has me befuddled. I really don't know what to say. I know you all have my back. Yeah, that's it!

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand