S1E5

Dining at Downton explores the exhilarating culinary ups and downs of our favorite PBS costume drama, including but not limited to Edwardian fork etiquette and The Raspberry Meringue Incident.

Tea on the

Before anyone gets his or her many-layered undergarments in a twist, let's point out right up front that we're skipping over Episode 4, because nothing delicious happened. Rather a lot of tea was drunk (ten cups, to be exact). But Episode 5? There is so much food-related drama going down here, one hardly knows where to start.

Red fruit laced with notes of thievery

Nasty business first: Dirtbag Scumcrumpet (a.k.a. Thomas) has been nicking wine! Specifically, a (fictional, as far as Google knows) 1896 French vintage from "Chateau Corvenielle." According to our estimates, the two dozen bottles missing from Mr. Carson's ledgers would today be worth enough for Thomas to purchase himself a nice house in the 'burbs or, better yet, an extravagant Super Bowl road trip. But if Thomas is half the man we think he is, he's just getting sloshed somewhere in a broom cupboard.

Someone's got to love those neglected biscuits

Elsewhere in the crime blotter: Missing her breakfast drives Daisy to raid Lady Sybil's biscuit jar while tidying the upstairs rooms. Saint Anna of the Housemaids mentions that Lady Sybil "never eats them. None of them do--they're thrown away and changed every evening." Which, with regard to perfectly good biscuits, seems like a crime far graver than your occasional illicit nibble.

Ah, but there are greater catastrophes yet to come. To honor the visit of an old, boring neighbor named Sir Anthony Strallan, Mrs. Patmore (actually, can we call her Pattycakes from here on out? Done.) is tasked with cooking up a slightly nicer-than-usual dinner. Which, as she hysterically informs Lady Cora, will NOT include the requested apple charlotte because it's a terrifying unfamiliar recipe that includes ingredients like "lemons," "butter," and most shocking of all, "apples." (Maybe Lady Cora's American class-divide guilt is cropping up, as this does not seem like behavior that would allow most cooks to keep their jobs?) More on that dessert course later.

Fancy Feast got nothin' on you, bird

In the depths of her fluster, Pattycakes takes a roast chicken out of the oven and drops it on the grimy old floor about a century before the invention of the Swiffer Wet Jet, and then out of nowhere there is this CAT who has probably been lurking in wait for this moment its entire life, and the cat tries to drag the whole chicken off to its lair.

Good as new

Here is where Anna earns our undying love. Totally unruffled, in she swoops with a dishcloth to pick that bird up, give it a vigorous scrub-down, and presto! Off it goes on a silver platter with its twin chicken and some frilly green garnishes. "What the eye can't see, the heart won't grieve over," sighs Pattycakes, which is old-time British for "God bless the five-second rule."

For dessert, Pattycakes insists on serving one of her old standbys: raspberry meringue. Oh lovely, all ready--except wait, must add a last-minute sugar sprinkle. Right then, off you go.

Sir Anthony hasn't eaten anything so exciting in years

The great thing about that sugar on the dessert? Well, it was SALT. And it turns out that Pattycakes was off her game because she's going blind, so maybe everyone could just cut her some slack, okay? But not too much slack--because, as our favored food historian/dead cookbook author Mrs. Beeton takes pains to point out, an apple charlotte is really very simple. In fact, this recipe looks pretty workable for us modern types, as long as you feel ready to interpret "a brisk oven for rather more than 3/4 hour." --Rachel Sanders

Mode.--Butter a pie-dish; place a layer of bread and butter, without the crust, at the bottom; then a layer of apples, pared, cored, and cut into thin slices; sprinkle over these a portion of the lemon-peel and juice, and sweeten with moist sugar. Place another layer of bread and butter, and then one of apples, proceeding in this manner until the dish is full; then cover it up with the peel of the apples, to preserve the top from browning or burning; bake in a brisk oven for rather more than 3/4 hour; torn the charlotte on a dish, sprinkle sifted sugar over, and serve.

Time.--3/4 hour. Average cost, 9d.Sufficient for 5 or 6 persons. Seasonable from July to March.