My wife is a great kisser — Deji Adenuga

Popular actor, Deji Adenuga and his wife, Yemi, speak to TOFARATI IGE about their 25 years marital experience

How did you meet?

Deji: I met my beautiful wife at the annual area youth convention in our church, The Apostolic Church. We attended different branches but would meet at the area convention annually. Aside from that, some other church programmes would also bring the youths together at least six times in a year. I had observed her for a while and I liked the way she carried herself and engaged with her sisters, her demeanour and humility. Her presence comes with such a sweet graceful aura that would compel you to want to come closer.

Yemi: I met my husband in 1985 in church at the choir rehearsal for our annual convention in Ikenne, Ogun State. I simply thought, ‘Hmmm… here is a fine looking guy, too dark, but not bad looking.’ That was all. There wasn’t really a ‘toasting’ as such. We became friends, we wrote to each other regularly and I suppose the content of our letters spoke plenty without being direct. We became so fond of each other so much that things naturally fell into place.

Was it love at first sight?

Deji: Ours was not love at first sight! It was a love that evolved, developed and blossomed over time; nurtured by us, encouraged by close friends and blessed by God. As I said earlier, we met at one of the church’s youth programmes and we liked each other. We became so close that we discussed private and personal issues and we were always looking forward to those meetings. Eventually, it became obvious to us both that it was not a thing we could stop or wish away!

What qualities did you see in your spouse that convinced you he/she was the one?

Deji: To be honest, from the onset, she stood out in so many ways; and that was one of the things I liked in her. They were six of them that were outstanding in the whole youth then, and they were all from the same family, herself and her sisters. Her father had just retired from Shell Petroleum in Port Harcourt and had brought all of them back home. But among the whole girls, she, though the shortest, (not the smallest) stood out clearly in so many ways!

Yemi: I became attracted to him as a result of his sincerity and kindness. He’s very genuine. He’s never afraid to admit to a mistake and apologise for it. He sees the good in everyone and always has a kind word for people. He is nice to a fault but I love him like that.

What was your reaction when he proposed?

Yemi: While I was hoping that he would one day ask me to marry him, I wasn’t sure how he would do it, so when he pulled that stunt and I saw him on his knee with cake in hand one afternoon, I was overwhelmed and said a resounding YES! By then, we had been dating for five years, I was crazily in love with this dude and even more so now.

How would you sum your marriage experience so far?

Yemi: We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs in our marriage. We’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly and we made the best of it all. This year marks our 25th wedding anniversary and we intend to celebrate it in a special way with close friends and family. The first few years were challenging but God saw us through it all. I think we were able to weather the storm those tough times because of God’s grace and mercy, the genuine love we had for each other and our friendship. Beyond being husband and wife, we are best friends. We talk and chat a lot, argue, quarrel, disagree to agree about so many things and we laugh together a lot. He makes me laugh so much and has made me cry in times past. We’ve done it all together. We have learnt so much and grown together through it all. We now share what we’ve learnt over the years with anyone who desires to make their marriage work through our DY Relationship Clinic. We are business partners and the best part is that we work together, so we get to mix business with pleasure a lot. Every business trip is a ‘holiday.’ We make the best of it. Plus we spend a lot of time with the children when we are home to make up for when we are not. Our kids are grown and are still growing, so they have become accustomed to us being away often.

How often do you quarrel?

Deji: We quarrel a good bit. It looks like quarrelling has become a tonic to the relationship because it has helped us to get along really well. Where two highly intelligent people come together in marriage and they truly love each other, they cannot avoid quarrelling, unless there’s some pretence all along. And I’ll say also that it is not healthy for couples to run away from quarrelling. In our relationship, there’s no pretence, malice or any form of ill-feeling. However, I need to say clearly that, we are very mindful of how we quarrel. We are great friends and there’s no compromising that. So, we don’t quarrel with our eyes closed; but instead, we quarrel as friends. When we quarrel, we focus on the issue, not on ourselves. There’s never a situation of name calling or insults. Naturally, we both respect each other and we appreciate that a lot. I always say that I don’t think there is a happily married couple who quarrel as much as we do.

Who usually apologises first?

Deji: Well, that depends on who overcomes the state first. There’s no set pattern for apologising first. What is important to us at this stage is not apologies but the understanding that has grown and keeps growing between us.

How do you cope with your husband’s female admirers?

Yemi: He has always had women around him from the first day I met him not just as an actor. He sowed his wild oats with admirers in the early years of his acting career and at this stage of his life, he has drawn the line. He is a fine man and any woman’s dream-man, so if he didn’t have admirers, that would be a surprise. But that’s all they are, admirers. I know many would give an arm and a leg to be more than admirers, but that ship sailed long ago. Everyone likes to, and needs to be appreciated; it is part of life, so I love watching him enjoy the attention. It’s good for him and indeed anyone for that matter who knows their onions. On numerous occasions, I have been the ‘photographer’ for some of the female admirers who see him and get all excited and mushy. Then they ask me “please ma, do you mind if we take a picture with him?”and I go “of course not, where’s your phone, I’ll do the honours.” Then they start to giggle like school girls and ask him loads of questions. Now it’s like watching a movie and I love it. Once the conversation starts, I take a step back and watch. He’s very good with them. He tries to answer as many questions as he can.

Do you keep a joint account, and would you advise couples to do same?

Deji: We don’t keep a joint account but we keep common interest. One mind, one direction, one goal; and that I recommend to couples. It is not easy to achieve that but if it is set out, it can be achieved. Whether the money is in your account or mine, it is our money and we both need to know that. Whatever money is spent on has to be in the interest of both parties in marriage. No selfishness in spending. There’s a whole lot to be said about this joint account issue. But for the purpose of this interview, I want to say clearly that, joint account does not guarantee happiness or peace; rather, it brings a lot of headaches if not well handled.

What pet names do you have for each other?

Deji: My wife’s pet name is ‘Ibadiaran’ and she calls me Val!

What other things do you do to keep the fire of your love burning?

Deji: We love to excite ourselves, especially now that we are still very young. We make a conscious decision to go on dates and holidays. We have our ‘nights of pleasure,’ when we send the kids with messages to each other, we watch movies together. I love cooking for her and she makes me feel so good because she gives my cooking the best compliments and enjoys them thoroughly. We share our thoughts and ideas with each other, we cuddle and kiss a lot. My wife loves that so much. She is so cosy to cuddle and she is a great kisser which makes it hard for me to keep my hands off her. We intend to continue to sustain that for as long as we both live, because for us, those are good ways to relax, catch up and get some excitement. We love to be in each other’s company, and we don’t pretend about that. At the moment, we work together in the same company, and that too was deliberately planned. God has helped us so much that, we trade in the same field of endeavour; even though we did not start out like that, it gradually panned out that way. We work together in our own company and that too is excitement for us. We look out for each other and we have each other’s back any day.

Can you recall the most memorable time of your marriage?

Deji: Two outstanding moments would remain the most memorable time for me. One would be the unimaginably exotic surprise 50th birthday my wife organised for me in Dubai, bringing some of my good friends together, in a top class arrangement. She blew my mind! I cannot say enough “thank you” to her in this life. And the other would be that special grace God granted me, that I was able to give my own daughter’s hand in marriage. The glory and honour for that to the Almighty!

What are the key ingredients needed to sustain a marriage?

Yemi: Be sincere, fear God, love, respect and be faithful to your spouse. Don’t be selfish, marriage is not all about you. It stopped being just about you when you said “I do.” Enjoy what you have right in front of you as what you’re struggling to have might either never come or might come at a time when you are too old to enjoy it. Life is too short, enjoy the time you’ve got. Show your children good examples. They follow what you do, not what you say.

Copyright PUNCH.All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.