Celebrity relationship coach based in the UK. In 2017 her award winning TV sex education show put Vena at the forefront of the movement to improve access to information about pleasure, bodies, emotional connection and physical intimacy. She is known for making conversations about sex soulful, intelligent and uplifting. A yogini and classical Indian dancer, Vena brings you light, delight and fun through her weekly column.

#AskVena: How To Keep The Sex Hot In A Long-Term Relationship?

IWB Post

May 25, 2018

This is a million dollar question! The responsibilities of joint bank accounts and joint lives take precedence over the sultry joys of erotic pleasure. Most couples look back and think, “how did this happen? Where did the romance go?”

The thing is that romance doesn’t just happen. It needs to be tended and nurtured with love and care. Here are seven practical tips to ensure that your sex life remains a priority. Enjoy!

Sexy texting. We’ve got all this technology so put it to good use! It’s a fun, cheeky tease. Especially if you send that text in the middle of a workday. This is especially good if the sex has stopped totally. If you’re shy when you’re face to face, maybe you can be a little more daring in your sexting.

Attend a sex toy event/talk or go to a good sex toy shop. Also good if you haven’t had sex in ages, or if you’ve never used sex toys before. Rather than trying to get the spark back, explore new territory. Being at a public talk or event on sex also has its own frisson.

Before you have sex always shower and brush your teeth. Practical but it really works. You’re treating your own body with care and keeping your lovemaking standards high. This is a great way to keep your sex life in good shape.

Once a year, do a sex/romance adventure– e.g. a weekend away dedicated to sex; get a book of new, outrageous sex positions and put it by your bed for you to try out the positions together; take a sensual massage course. These are all things you can do together- fun and sensual. Sensuality is the key to hot sex in a long-term relationship.

Go to bed together. Make this a habit. This builds physical and emotional intimacy. You draw your day to a close as a couple. If one of you habitually stays up later for hours, you get into separate bio-rhythms. This is not good for your relationship.

Ban social media in your bedroom. It kills intimacy, destroys a relationship, drains your energy and makes you irritable.

Make foreplay the main course. Lots of stroking, holding, kissing. This is seriously hot. Your whole body becomes an erogenous zone. This builds a deeper sexual and emotional connection.