The Ultimate Astrological Field Guide to Men

Who's your zodiac love match?

"Hey baby, what's your sign?" For the first time, it might actually be acceptable to utter the oldest (and most cringe-worthy) pick-up line in the book. Presenting your all-inclusive primer to the traits and flaws of every guy on the zodiac, plus hot celebs to rep each sign. Who's your horoscope love match?

Courageous Aries love to swoop in and save a damsel in (apparent) distress. At the same time, he loves a strong woman with a mind of her own. But capable women have needs, too, right? The Aries man's inner knight-in-shining-armor is on high alert for whenever your day needs saving. Send out that S.O.S. if you want to reel him in.

2. He loves a beautiful mind.

Aries rules the brain, and this guy is quite a thinker. Even if his physical taste in women can veer toward the stripper pole, he needs someone who can hold court in an intelligent conversation. Somehow, the man of this sign can be a feminist and a chauvinist in one. (The personal is not always political—not when you're an Aries man, that is.) When all is said and done, he's attracted to women of all shapes, sizes, and colors as long as there's mental chemistry and passion between you. Multiple college degrees or an impressive roster of accomplishments are a bonus, since he loves to brag about the lady in his life.

3. The pursuit has never been hotter.

When the single-minded Ram is turned on, his quest to make you his can be all consuming. Aries' ardent attempts to melt your defenses will be oh-so hot and nearly impossible to resist. Even if you think he's a bit of a boor, his caveman-esque lack of nuance could push a prehistoric button in your brain, making you go gaga for his unga-bunga (though admittedly charismatic) ways. Before you know it, you'll be shedding your clothes for the most uninhibited romps of your life.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Attention deficit disorder?

The mastery-minded Aries man pours his complete focus into one thing at a time—which is awesome when that's YOU, but notsomuch when it isn't. Trying to pry him away from his obsession du jour can drive you mad. You may need to pick up his caveman club and whack him over the head to get his attention. And sadly, it doesn't hurt if you're wearing one of those skimpy cavegirl outfits either. Consider yourself warned.

2. Pipe dreams.

Like an adventurous knight, the Aries man is forever in pursuit of thrilling new conquests—especially ones that give him the independence (read: no boss) that he craves. While you'll want to support his starry-eyed dreams, you might also get stuck footing the bills or holding down the fort while he eagerly chases another potentially unrealistic idea. You may soon play the secondary role of wrangler/handler, keeping this sometimes-naïve guy from investing in a pyramid scheme or blowing the family fortune as he drifts between risky ventures.

3. Tap dancing around his ego=exhausting.

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, so there's a "macho baby" in every Ram. Underneath the bravado that first turned you on, this guy can be rather needy. You may need to cut him off when he goes on another tirade about how "the man" is keeping him down, or how nobody appreciates his rare brand of genius. There's a delicate balance here: You don't want to pander to his inflated ego trips, but you don't want to crush his spirit either. If you want to keep an Aries around for the long haul, you need to preserve his sense of specialness. You never know—he just might become the star he already believes himself to be.

Like El Toro charging at his target, the Taurus man knows what he wants and enters commitments for the long haul. Sure, it might take this guy a while to be certain that you're "the One." He might even subject you to a series of checkpoints to make sure there are no dealbreakers (poor etiquette, bad bedside manner, a lack of maternal instinct). Once Taurus fixes his mind on something, the stubborn Bull doesn't change it readily.

2. He wants a wife and he's not afraid to say it.

While many guys would flee when you bring up the m-word (marriage), Taurus might be the first one to invoke it. He has a dream, and it's to make some lucky woman his wife, build a family and share blissful creature comforts forever. True, there are a couple of notorious bachelors in this sign's ranks (we're looking at you, George Clooney), but even those guys are serial monogamists. If you're looking to settle down or to have a traditional life in the 'burbs, Taurus might just be your guy.

3. He has better taste than you.

Taurus rules the zodiac's sensual second house of material pleasures. This man could have a signature cocktail, a bespoke suit maker, and refined knowledge about high-end living. Dancer Fred Astaire and poet Robert Browning were both born under this sign. The metrosexual Taurus knows what vetiver is (and can identify it as the base note of any cologne), name-checks his favorite couturier and can advise on wine pairings or linen thread count. Even the more down-to-earth or blue-collar Taurus is still particular about food, music, texture, smells and such. He might pretend to keep it real, but when presented with an option of lesser quality, his discriminating tastes come out.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Materialism.

Indulgent much? You might find your Taurus to be vain, hedonistic and wasteful at times. While it's fun to have him as a shopping partner, his carbon footprint is bigger than Sasquatch's tracks. While Taurus might be a great provider, he can spend money as fast as he makes it. Mo' money, mo' stuff, mo' problems.

2. Inflexibility.

The downside of dating such a discriminating dude? Taurus can be TOO set in his ways, lacking imagination and self-awareness. Getting this guy to change anything more than his outfit (which could happen several times a day) could be a heroic effort. His refusal to veer off the beaten path with food, social activities, friendships and such can make life with a Taurus feel like the movie Groundhog Day. Boredom can set in unless one of you mixes things up.

3. Stubborn pride (that goeth before a you-know-what).

Taurus is who he is, and his matter-of-fact ways can be refreshing…to a point. Taken too far, those bullish views can also veer into bigotry. Everyone must evolve, but personal growth and other "trends" can pass him by. To wit: Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, a Taurus, nearly tanked his viewership with racist comments that he continues to defend. Even a Taurus with progressive politics can be dogmatic about his values. The woman who wins over Taurus will need to be strong enough to get in his face from time to time, standing her ground and challenging him when he gets stuck in a rut.

Courageous Aries love to swoop in and save a damsel in (apparent) distress. At the same time, he loves a strong woman with a mind of her own. But capable women have needs, too, right? The Aries man's inner knight-in-shining-armor is on high alert for whenever your day needs saving. Send out that S.O.S. if you want to reel him in.

2. He loves a beautiful mind.

Aries rules the brain, and this guy is quite a thinker. Even if his physical taste in women can veer toward the stripper pole, he needs someone who can hold court in an intelligent conversation. Somehow, the man of this sign can be a feminist and a chauvinist in one. (The personal is not always political—not when you're an Aries man, that is.) When all is said and done, he's attracted to women of all shapes, sizes, and colors as long as there's mental chemistry and passion between you. Multiple college degrees or an impressive roster of accomplishments are a bonus, since he loves to brag about the lady in his life.

3. The pursuit has never been hotter.

When the single-minded Ram is turned on, his quest to make you his can be all consuming. Aries' ardent attempts to melt your defenses will be oh-so hot and nearly impossible to resist. Even if you think he's a bit of a boor, his caveman-esque lack of nuance could push a prehistoric button in your brain, making you go gaga for his unga-bunga (though admittedly charismatic) ways. Before you know it, you'll be shedding your clothes for the most uninhibited romps of your life.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Attention deficit disorder?

The mastery-minded Aries man pours his complete focus into one thing at a time—which is awesome when that's YOU, but notsomuch when it isn't. Trying to pry him away from his obsession du jour can drive you mad. You may need to pick up his caveman club and whack him over the head to get his attention. And sadly, it doesn't hurt if you're wearing one of those skimpy cavegirl outfits either. Consider yourself warned.

2. Pipe dreams.

Like an adventurous knight, the Aries man is forever in pursuit of thrilling new conquests—especially ones that give him the independence (read: no boss) that he craves. While you'll want to support his starry-eyed dreams, you might also get stuck footing the bills or holding down the fort while he eagerly chases another potentially unrealistic idea. You may soon play the secondary role of wrangler/handler, keeping this sometimes-naïve guy from investing in a pyramid scheme or blowing the family fortune as he drifts between risky ventures.

3. Tap dancing around his ego=exhausting.

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, so there's a "macho baby" in every Ram. Underneath the bravado that first turned you on, this guy can be rather needy. You may need to cut him off when he goes on another tirade about how "the man" is keeping him down, or how nobody appreciates his rare brand of genius. There's a delicate balance here: You don't want to pander to his inflated ego trips, but you don't want to crush his spirit either. If you want to keep an Aries around for the long haul, you need to preserve his sense of specialness. You never know—he just might become the star he already believes himself to be.

Like El Toro charging at his target, the Taurus man knows what he wants and enters commitments for the long haul. Sure, it might take this guy a while to be certain that you're "the One." He might even subject you to a series of checkpoints to make sure there are no dealbreakers (poor etiquette, bad bedside manner, a lack of maternal instinct). Once Taurus fixes his mind on something, the stubborn Bull doesn't change it readily.

2. He wants a wife and he's not afraid to say it.

While many guys would flee when you bring up the m-word (marriage), Taurus might be the first one to invoke it. He has a dream, and it's to make some lucky woman his wife, build a family and share blissful creature comforts forever. True, there are a couple of notorious bachelors in this sign's ranks (we're looking at you, George Clooney), but even those guys are serial monogamists. If you're looking to settle down or to have a traditional life in the 'burbs, Taurus might just be your guy.

3. He has better taste than you.

Taurus rules the zodiac's sensual second house of material pleasures. This man could have a signature cocktail, a bespoke suit maker, and refined knowledge about high-end living. Dancer Fred Astaire and poet Robert Browning were both born under this sign. The metrosexual Taurus knows what vetiver is (and can identify it as the base note of any cologne), name-checks his favorite couturier and can advise on wine pairings or linen thread count. Even the more down-to-earth or blue-collar Taurus is still particular about food, music, texture, smells and such. He might pretend to keep it real, but when presented with an option of lesser quality, his discriminating tastes come out.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Materialism.

Indulgent much? You might find your Taurus to be vain, hedonistic and wasteful at times. While it's fun to have him as a shopping partner, his carbon footprint is bigger than Sasquatch's tracks. While Taurus might be a great provider, he can spend money as fast as he makes it. Mo' money, mo' stuff, mo' problems.

2. Inflexibility.

The downside of dating such a discriminating dude? Taurus can be TOO set in his ways, lacking imagination and self-awareness. Getting this guy to change anything more than his outfit (which could happen several times a day) could be a heroic effort. His refusal to veer off the beaten path with food, social activities, friendships and such can make life with a Taurus feel like the movie Groundhog Day. Boredom can set in unless one of you mixes things up.

3. Stubborn pride (that goeth before a you-know-what).

Taurus is who he is, and his matter-of-fact ways can be refreshing…to a point. Taken too far, those bullish views can also veer into bigotry. Everyone must evolve, but personal growth and other "trends" can pass him by. To wit: Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, a Taurus, nearly tanked his viewership with racist comments that he continues to defend. Even a Taurus with progressive politics can be dogmatic about his values. The woman who wins over Taurus will need to be strong enough to get in his face from time to time, standing her ground and challenging him when he gets stuck in a rut.

Conversation is never dull with a Gemini, though it can certainly be long and winding! You'll appreciate how this literate guy knows something about, well, just about everything. Who needs Google when you have him around? The zodiac's trivia hound, Gemini collects facts the way you might amass handbags. He's your sexy personal search engine, just waiting for your query. And much like Google, he might not always be right, but he'll come up with a million creative answers anyhow.

2. He's great with his hands.

The body part associated with Gemini is the hands, and his touch can do oh-so much. Hit this guy up for a massage, a sexy grope…a chiropractic adjustment. He's game! Even holding hands can be an erotic adventure with him. If you're into couples' massage or hours of intricate foreplay, this DIY guy will keep you entertained. Around the house, tinkering Gemini could be the guy who's great at fixing things: he'll change the bulbs and build the bookshelves, even if you're fully capable of doing it yourself. Of course, he might also be the dude who takes an appliance apart then leaves all the nuts and bolts and washers sitting around before he gets the inclination to put it back together.

3. He'll try anything once.

Inquisitive Gemini needs to touch the hot stove (or hot whatever) to find out if it indeed burns. If you're the experimental type, you'll appreciate his endless curiosity and the variety he introduces into your relationship, both socially and sexually. There's probably not a costume party he wouldn't attend or a kinky trick he won't try at home. Of course, like any traveling circus, the show must go on…and keep moving. You'll need to be more than a one-trick pony if you want to keep experiencing the greatest show on earth.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Analysis paralysis.

Cerebral Gemini can overthink a situation like nobody's business, getting lost in his head. One minute he's talking your ear off; the next, he's gone radio silent, disappearing into a book, video game or the newest Netflix series. When he starts analyzing, he spares no detail, exhausting you with his obsessing. Unfortunately, giving him advice can be like casting pearls before swine, as your wisdom falls on his deaf ears. The same curiosity and intellectual prowess that attracted you could be the very thing that makes you scream, "Get a therapist!" For a guy that book-smart, his emotional I.Q. can be pretty low.

2. Papa was a rolling stone.

It's not that Gemini is untrustworthy per se, but guys of this sign thirst for new experiences. Variety is the spice of his life. Until Gemini matures enough to satisfy this desire with hobbies, he can be fickle and even unfaithful. Once his roving eye settles on you for good, you may forever need to put up with his stash of adult movies—along with his boyish desire for life to imitate that very "art" in the bedroom. His fickleness extends beyond the boudoir, too, as Gemini can be a jack of all trades and a master of none in his career life. While he'll always be something of a dilettante, it can take him years before he settles into a stable professional track—if he ever does. More than likely, he'll just invent his own industry, but you may need to be the breadwinner for years with him.

3. He's secretly a control freak.

Gemini is the sign of the Twins, meaning every trait he possesses also shows up in its opposite form. As flighty and footloose as he can be, Gemini also has a neurotic side. Stick around long enough and you'll see little tics, quirks and even obsessive-compulsive habits. For all you know, he could be somewhere "on the spectrum." Warning to anyone who moves in with a Gemini: he can morph from bad boy into curmudgeonly old man once domesticated. Do yourself a favor and enjoy a long courtship!

This is the guy who cries when you cry—or at least, always has a tissue at the ready. He gets along famously with your girlfriends (and even gives them love advice), worships the ground his mama walks on. His appreciation of your emotional nuances, your curves and all things feminine can be unparalleled.

2. He loves to nest.

Although this guy can be a bit of a jock/frat boy in his earlier years, his desire to master the domestic arts is fairly inevitable. When he takes to the stove, it's with French Culinary Institute flair. Even better (for your palate, not your waistline), he loves to feed you. Before you know it, Cancer is the go-to guy for choosing wine pairings or a VIP shopper at Sur La Table. Although his bachelor pad may have been sparsely furnished with dumpster diving remnants, the family home is comfy and well-appointed, since he loves to entertain in his own lair.

3. He's family-oriented.

Is your so-called biological clock ticking? Don't worry—his is going off louder than church chimes in a belfry. Cancer rules the zodiac's fourth house of home and family and this man can't wait to be a daddy. One Cancer guy we know met his wife online. How did he know she was "the One?" Well, they were picking out names for their future children on the first date.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Mood mania.

Cancer is ruled by the fluctuating moon, which can make him a hot mess of emotional ups and downs. The "man period" is no myth with this guy, who can run hot and cold, even withdrawing into his shell and leaving you panicked that he's all-out disappeared. When the Crab feels exposed, he hides—but it's often right after the most tender, vulnerable and erotic night of your life, where you laid your soul and body bare to his sweet caresses and declarations of love.

2. The way he clings…to so many things.

Money. His family. You. This is the guy who thinks it's perfectly reasonable to "settle down" with you in his suburban hometown, perhaps a couple doors away from his parents. Or to move his mom into the spare room right after your honeymoon so she can help raise your future kids. He can be a bit of a cheapskate or a penny pincher, too, hunting for eBay treasures when it would be easier to pay retail (he doesn't trust anything newfangled, i.e., made in this century). If you're the traditional type, you'll love this about him. But if you're not, watch out: this guy's bouts of insecurity can make him thin-skinned and possessive. Run, don't walk, if you see too many warning signs of this.

3. He craves attention.

Shy? Ha! The Cancer man's compulsive need for constant validation can lead to obnoxious alpha male behavior. He does crazy stunts, dominates conversations with long-winded stories, even flirts with your friends. Cancer may be the zodiac's feminine sign, but he wants to be "one of the girls" a little too badly. You'll have to put up with his best friends being female, or his overextended chivalry (e.g., he spends Valentine's Day helping a childhood friend—female, of course—load a U-Haul after her breakup, then talks about her through your entire date). At the same time, his inner frat boy never dies, so he can stick to a "bros before hos" policy long after his friends give it up. You may always feel like you're competing for his attention with his friends and family.

Like an overzealous Muppet, the Leo man bursts with passion and life force energy. Everything is done in grand gestures and sweeping displays—when he loves, he loves hard. The Leo man has a way of commanding attention: He's either the quietest person in a loud room, or the loudest person in a quiet room. This guy knows how to work dramatic effect. With his bold spirit of adventure and bottomless joie de vivre, he can get you to try anything once. Prepare to venture far beyond your comfort zone.

2. You're the center of his romantic universe.

Lavish Leos love gifts (giving and receiving), so expect regular deliveries of long-stemmed roses, chocolates and all the conventional trappings of love. He'll compose songs, artwork and epic poems with endless stanzas about you, or he'll make you his muse like Leo Andy Warhol and his "Factory girl" Edie Sedgwick. Effusive Leo is your ultimate fanboy. He's not afraid to tell the world that you've made him a better man, and to let you reform his bad-boy ways. (To wit: after four months of dating fellow Lion Charlize Theron, an anti-gun violence advocate, Leo Sean Penn had his 65-piece gun collection melted into a sculpture and auctioned for charity.)

3. He's stylish.

Tuxedo? Check. Shoe collection? Check check. Like a regal lion, dapper Leo loves to dress up, walk the red carpet and turn heads with his sartorial prowess. This guy can be total arm candy. He might even out-dress you and steal the spotlight, but it only makes you look good (and feel good when everyone remarks how "hot" your guy is). If you need a charming companion for your next black-tie benefit, Leo's your man.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Self-centeredness.

Leo is ruled by the sun, which is the center of our solar system. Can you blame him if he thinks the galaxy revolves around him? At his worst, Leo can by vain, embarrassing, and unaware when he's making an ass of himself in public. When Leo director James Cameron crowed "I'm the king of the world!" at the Oscars, jaws, not panties, dropped. The uninhibited expression that first drew you to him could grow exhausting and obnoxious over time.

2. He can be terrible with money.

Tight-fisted one day, extravagant the next, the Leo man rides the financial roller coaster as fearlessly as an amusement park log flume. One day it's beluga caviar and Veuve; the next it's "Miller time" and wing night—and you're paying. If you marry this man, take control of the budget and bank account, stat.

3. He's a sucker for a pretty face (and it's not always yours).

While you think you're the apple of his eye, the Leo man might be tending to an entire orchard. This praise-hungry sign can be so needy of attention that he'll use his charm (and smarm) to woo every woman in sight. You may always fear that he'll stray off for a side dalliance, especially if you stop pumping up his fragile ego for a few days. This is a catch-22, since Leo men love to be with powerful women who probably have, oh, one or two other interests besides him. On the other hand, his cheating can be a case of pure selfish entitlement. Lions love to hunt, and when his voracious appetite kicks in, he might gratify himself with a pretty wildebeest from some other savannah—or even his own tribe. (Remember Leo Arnold Schwarzenegger's love child with the housekeeper?)

Virgo might be more book smart than street smart, but if intellect is your aphrodisiac, this brainy sign is for you. Even better, the Virgo man can have a high emotional I.Q. to complement his mental prowess. He loves to analyze people, trade gossip and delve into the human psyche. This media-savvy sign loves to read, too—everything from literary classics to the bottom-feeding tabloids (look who stole your National Enquirer again). Deep one-on-one conversations are his forte, although he has a silly side, too. There's always something to talk about with Virgo.

2. Hello, Mr. Six-Pack.

Limber Virgo can be an amazing athlete, with a ripped body to boot. He may look buttoned-up or baby-faced in his work attire, but once he rips off his shirt, you'll be smitten. Virgo rules the abs, so lay your head on his chiseled chest and sculpted abdomen. (He's also got the right to bare arms.) Move to a warm climate with him immediately.

3. He'll baby you.

Are you the type who likes to make up cutesy-wootsy nicknames, talk in a little-girl voice and cry on your boyfriend's shoulder? Virgo will indulge you. He's the sign of service and he loves to play caretaker for the woman in his life. Analytical Virgo is also a great listener, always ready to help you work through your problems. Dating him will cut your therapy bills in half.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Anal-retentive much?

Virgo's concern for your welfare can swiftly veer into micromanaging. He re-packs your suitcase, irons your clothes (which might be a plus, actually), nags you to get a flu shot. He is so up in your business he should be appointed C.O.O of your life—but you'll be ready to give him a corner office on another continent if he doesn't let you breathe. Who needs a Scientology minder when you've got him?

2. His slacker-meets-O.C.D. tendencies.

Virgo is the zodiac's perfectionist, but he can be SO exacting that he never fully applies himself. Analysis paralysis seems to be a real condition that Virgo suffers from, wasting his intelligence because he's too self-critical to risk failure. Or, he'll act like an underachieving dork in order to avoid the weight of people's expectations. The space between his ears can be a dangerous neighborhood.

3. The unsolicited judgments.

Yoo-hoo! You up there on the soapbox! Come on down and join the rest of us mortals, would ya? When Virgo gets on a moralizing streak, you'll want to run from—or wildly rebel against—his controlling, repressive judgments. He can make you feel like the whore of Babylon for flirting with the waiter. Or he'll say, "Are you really going to eat THAT?" before you take a bite of cake or a PMS-fueled chocolate craving. His impossible standards can feel constraining, and of course, are the very things that cause him to act reckless and out of control himself.

Dapper, adorable, and often dimpled, the Libra man is a pretty boy who cleans up nicely. He'll match his pocket square and tie with a custom suit, keep his shoes shined to a gleam and he won't have a hair out of place. Ruled by Venus, the planet of beauty, he might even be model material. This is the guy you can take to any party or workplace event and he'll have everyone eating out of his hand. Your social capital will soar with Libra by your side.

2. He's thoughtful.

Fair-minded to a fault, the Libra man has fine critical thinking abilities. He'll take his time to thoroughly weigh an issue before jumping to conclusions like most people do. Libra can be one of the world's greatest diplomats (John Lennon and Gandhi were both born under this sign). Libra is the sign of the judge, and even notorious Libra critic Simon Cowell dishes out more honest feedback than other panelists of his ilk.

3. He's romantic.

Flowers, gifts, jewelry, parties—the sentimental Libra man can be a real mushball for the woman he loves. You never have to worry that he'll forget your anniversary. If anything, he'll be busy arranging a big bash or planning a vow renewal ceremony. He wants to stop and smell the roses—then buy a few dozen and spend all day arranging them. Ah, a straight man with aesthetic sensibilities and refined taste.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. He's still "not ready" for marriage after six years of dating.

Libras take their time to weigh the pros and cons of everything, and this zodiac sign hates to be rushed. As it turns out, most people are on SOME kind of timetable when it comes to commitment. Not him. The Libra man will waste the best years of your life deciding if you're "the One" or not. The pressure to make a decision can be paralyzing for him—what if something better comes along? Your heels walking out the door might be the only wakeup call he hears: put a ring on it, or else!

2. Vanity.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest dude of all? Your Libra guy might be so in love with his own reflection he barely notices how awesome YOU look. Or, he might spend longer gussying up than you do, which could become annoying when you're running late yet again. He'll spare no expense on clothing, cologne, wristwatches and other metrosexual accouterments. When the credit card bills come in, you might want to kill him.

3. Is he running for office, or just that insincere?

At times, Libra's diplomatic skills can veer into manipulative terrain. The Libra man will butter people up like corn at a Sunday picnic, showering them with compliments and singing their praises. Although he may not admit it, he desperately needs to be liked. Libra might even ignore you all night at a party to chat up perfect strangers, getting engrossed in their life stories but treating you like chopped liver. He hates conflict, which means he'll suck up to the VIPs then bring his pent-up anger home to you. No thanks! If you have to deal with Libra in grumpy/mopey mode while the rest of the world enjoys his dazzling charms, draw the line. Unless he's on the campaign trail, there's no need for him to stump for popularity THAT hard.

Intense Scorpio does nothing halfway. Your world will tilt on its own axis when he meets your eyes with his penetrating, come-hither gaze. The Scorpio man observes every little nuance about you, remembers every conversation, studies you like a cold case file. He'll attend to your body with the same absorption. This guys' all-consuming passion can be a huge turn-on—and a boon to your ego.

2. He's the sex sign. #duh

Move over, Christian Grey. There are five hundred shades of Scorpio, and every hue is hotter than the last. As the sign of power, he'll eagerly play domination-submission games if you're into that. Tie him up, tie him down. And with his limber physique, he's erotically acrobatic— his bedside manner is Cirque du Soleil meets Marquis de Sade. He might even be a yogi or a master of tantra, since spiritual Scorpio is all about infusing earthly pleasures with ethereal delights. You may never leave the bedroom.

3. He does windows.

And floors. And dishes. And bathrooms. Oh, and he might bake, too. The attentive Scorpio man treats his home like a temple, and he loves to keep it impeccably neat and clean. Chez Scorpio probably has a no-shoes policy. Prepare to sheds your Louboutins—and lord knows what else—at the door.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. He's hot. He's cold.

Whiplash! Scorpio comes on way strong and acts all obsessed with you, which can be off-putting. Who IS this guy, anyway? Then, once you've let down your guard and slept with him, you suddenly experience "the Scorpio freeze." He disappears for a few days, or becomes emotionally withholding and moody. Hello, head trip. For all you know, he might be punishing you for some slight you didn't even realize you committed. You may need to develop psychic abilities to figure out what he's thinking. Good luck with that.

2. He's the ultimate modelizer.

The only thing "straight and narrow" in Scorpio's life could be the type of woman he's attracted to. But just because HE has zero percent body fat (or used to, anyhow) doesn't mean you should. Scorpio is the sign of control, and to him that may translate into steely willpower or insane levels of physical fitness. His manorexic ways could give you a complex. If that happens, throw him a curve and walk away.

3. Mommy issues.

So you want to be the number-one woman in Scorpio's life? That spot could already taken by his mother (to wit: Leonardo DiCaprio and Ryan Gosling regularly bring their moms as red carpet dates). Whether he worships her or despises her, the Scorpio man can have a bond with his mama that borders on Oedipal. You may need to pass her muster before he'll commit for the long haul. Or, if he's a vengeful Scorpio still punishing mom for some childhood slight, his mother's thumbs-up could be your relationship's death knell.

The witty Sagittarius man can be quite the comedian, the kind of person whose "notable quotables" and impersonations make you laugh AND think. From Mark Twain to Jay Z, the guys of this sign have a way with words. If you love a clever dude who can get you to lighten up and see the divine humor in life, Sagittarius is your man.

2. Adventure is his calling card.

Two standby tickets to Burma? Weekend jaunt to Reykjavik? Yes, please! Sagittarius is the zodiac's traveler, and he'll expand your horizons—along with your frequent flyer miles. There's no same-old same-old happening with this guy. From trapeze class to truffle hunting, whale watching to white water rafting, the audacious Sagittarius will keep life inspiring and on the move. Location, location! Outdoorsy Sag's frisky adventures go well beyond the bedroom. Never thought you could have a steamy hookup THERE? Guess again.

3. He makes geek chic.

Enterprising Sagittarius rules higher education and wisdom. He's always seeking knowledge, both through self-directed study and life experience. (To wit: Sagittarius actor Brad Pitt is also an amateur architect.) Philosophical and a lifelong learner, he's the dude that drags you to personal growth workshops, makes you listen to TED talks and often has his nose buried in a book. He loves a smart woman, and even if the romantic flame fizzles out, he's the kind of guy you keep around as a friend.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Unsolicited advice.

Sagittarius has a rep as a know-it-all, and this guy may try to play life coach for you—whether you want him to or not. Rather than dealing with his own baggage, he'd rather analyze yours. He's always ready to offer you a cup of his famous truth serum or to tell you how you can improve your life by following his prespcription. You might feel unsettled or even outraged by his continuous feedback, brutal honesty and "helpful hints." Even if he IS right, who asked?

2. He can be totally tasteless.

Sagittarius is ruled by the Centaur, the mythic creature that's half human, half beast. When his animal nature takes over, Sagittarius can be an outright boor. He'll openly admit his attraction to someone else, sleep his way through your Facebook friends post-breakup, ogle your chest instead of looking you in the eyes. What comes out of this outspoken sign's mouth could make a sailor blush, too. A little dirty talk can be fun, but you're not one of his gross frat brothers. So why does he think you want to hear his latest sexist joke or bathroom humor? His comments can be shockingly offensive—and the worst part is, he knows better. Yet, he seems to have been born without a filter (or, as Jennifer Aniston said about Sagittarius Brad Pitt, a "sensitivity chip").

3. He gathers no moss.

The zodiac's Archer is always hunting for his next conquest, but this wanderlust can turn into crippling discontent. The Sagittarius guy may never be satisfied with anything he has for long. His endless searching can make you feel totally ungrounded. Sure, he understands Zen principles in theory—he's memorized the entire Tao Te Ching. Yet, the simple act of "being where he is" escapes him. The call of the wild can be a little too loud for Sagittarius, too, whose rumpled, outdoorsy style might run too simple for your tastes. (If he owns an iron, it's probably still in the box.)

Capricorn is the sign of masculinity. He's got the allure of every aloof "lone ranger" movie archetype—that invincible guy who's everyone's rock, but who secretly needs to be loved. (Cue any movie starring Capricorn Kevin Costner.) From his chiseled jaw to his confident stance, he can turn even the most accomplished woman into a babbling airhead. His minimalist world is crying for a woman's touch—the damsel in distress who ends up saving him. That plotline, friends, is crack to the female brain. And thus, we classify the Capricorn man as an addictive substance.

2. It's (not) complicated.

Loyal Capricorn sticks to the basics. He'll keep the same few childhood friends forever. He'll move back to his hometown or at least stay connected to his roots. He supports his parents, often financially. He'd gladly marry someone he went to grammar school with, and usually wants a family (he's the sign of the father, after all). While some might find his down-home values and conventional ways a snooze, the more traditional or conservative woman will love his homespun hotness.

3. He works hard for the money.

Capricorn rules the zodiac's tenth house of career, and this man's work ethic is unparalleled. He's married to his job, but the upside of that is that he can be a great provider once he settles down. When Capricorn sets his mind on something, he usually achieves it through the sweat of his own brow. Of course, his entire life will usually revolve around a "work first, play later" philosophy, so you might need to drag (or seduce) him away from his duties.

His Vices: Why He'll Drive You Mad

1. Paging the Marlboro Man.

The Capricorn man's aloofness can be sexy to a point, but he can leave you feeling lonely and emotionally unfulfilled. His regular trips into the "man cave" can make him seem cold, remote or lost in his head, and his long workaholic stretches can leave you feeling like his career widow. At times, connecting with Capricorn can be as slow and frustrating as a dial-up modem. His melancholy energy can be a real downer, especially since you KNOW that if he'd just take an hour or two off, it would solve everything.

2. He puts bromance before romance.

Capricorn is the sign of masculinity, and his "band of brothers" lifestyle can make you feel locked out of the frat house. His need to be the alpha male and the leader of his "d**k clique" could make you feel in constant competition with Capricorn's guy friends. Way to turn back the clock to the sexist Rat Pack era—and not in a good way. (Interestingly enough, the leader of the original Rat Pack was Capricorn Humphrey Bogart.) You might enjoy watching Mad Men on TV, but do you really want to live that story?

3. His fetishes might not be your cup of tea.

He wants you to wear WHAT and do HUH to him WHERE? Capricorn is ruled by repressive Saturn, and this can lead him into some, er, interesting sexual proclivities. The flip side of him being so rigid and dutiful in his public life can mean he has to act out privately. (Paging Capricorn Tiger Woods.) We know of more than a few Capricorn cross-dressers, incidentally, who have corporate jobs by day. No judgment, but when he looks—and walks—better in your Manolos than you do…don't say you weren't warned.