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The cast of ‘Girl Meets World’ threw out the first pitch at the Dodgers game last night, and I’m definitely not going to spend my whole summer re-watching ‘Boy Meets World’ because I miss it so much. Anyway, an important revelation came out of last night’s first pitch: Danielle Fishel, who played Topanga, is still smoking hot. She did a Maxim spread last year that was probably my favorite thing ever, and to see her again last night solidified the fact that she’s in the middle of one of the longest primes of all-time. Topanga Lawrence’s is my generation’s TV crush, so my opinion may be biased, but you can’t deny the photographic evidence of her insane hotness.

That’s a solid 15 years of greatness, and she’s only 33. With her genes and the advancement in modern science, I could see her continuing this trend for another 10-15 years. Show me someone who wasn’t in love with Topanga Lawrence and I’ll show you a piece of shit liar. It’s as simple as that.

Have yourself a day Mayor Garcetti. If one of your major sports teams wins a championship you should absolutely take the day off, have a beer and drop some f-bombs. That goes for everybody, whether you’re a garbage man or a dentist or the god damn mayor. That’s what sports is all about: you tear your hair out all year to support your team, and if you’re lucky enough to witness them win, you celebrate like you’ll never see it again. Eric Garcetti can be my mayor any day.

Just give this girl a sideline reporter job now. We all know it’s going to happen. Happened with Erin Andrews. Happened with Katherine Webb. And it’s going to happen with Rebecca Grant. Positions herself perfectly at the Clippers game grabbing her ham hogs which I guess is the only criteria to get you an interview on Fox News now? Of course she yells off screen at her friend during the live interview. Why woulnd’t she? Gotta keep the hype going. Wouldn’t want a boring interview to ruin all the momemtum you got from grabbing your boobs at a basketball game. Let’s just have ESPN sign her to cover the NFL Draft tomorrow and negotiate a Dancing With The Stars clause into her contract so we can watch her until some other hot girl in the stands captures our attention. Although I gotta say, I would not mind staring at that face during a basketball or football game.

Now that Donald Sterling is banned from the NBA for life and will most likely have to sell the team, a lot of celebrities have chimed in on why THEY should buy the LA Clippers. Floyd Mayerweather, Oprah, Dr. Dre, Larry Ellison, Frankie Muniz; pretty much everyone is trying to get in while the getting’s good. What do these people have that we don’t have? Money? Power? Fame? Respect? The answer to all of those questions are yes (except for Frankie Muniz’s fame), but we don’t care about any of those things. Why? Because we have a plan. A plan that we created a few hours ago that will change the NBA forever. We’ve narrowed our plan down to 6 key points:

1. We’d bring back theme nights ala Jackie Moon with the Flint Tropics. Rotissserie chicken night. Glow in the dark night. Authenitc jersey on a pole night. If there’s one thing we don’t lack, it’s imagination. Would these theme nights translate well into reality? Who cares, as long as it gets butts in the seats. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

2. We’d play in some of the games. Admittedly this kind of a selfish point, but if we own an NBA franchise there is a 100% chance that we will make the active roster at some point during our tenure. To be honest, we think that’s what the game is lacking. Yeah it’s fun watching these gargantuan athletes dunk the ball all the time but what about some real, old fashioned basketball? Pick and rolls, layups, high shorts. Bring a little old school charm back to the league. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

3. We have no shortage of new team names and mascots. The Clipper’s ship has sailed (see what I did there?). It’s time for this LA franchise to take on a new identity, and we have the perfect suggestions for a town of this magnitude. Who wouldn’t love to see the LA Traffic Jams storming the court? I can see the posters now: “Tonight the Traffic Jams look to put the Heat in Park!” BOOM. Marketing 101. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

4. We would write story lines into every game. Kind of like professional wrestling……actually, exactly like professional wrestling. I’m talking tables, chairs, bra and panty matches (cheerleaders not players), hell, fire, brimstone, and barbed wire. Our first act as owners would be to get Jim Ross and Joey Styles to do commentary. MAH GOD IT’S BLAKE GRIFFIN! Also, we’re not horrible racists.

5. We would get heavy hitting names to sing the national anthem. I’m sick of watching basketball games with Harry from Tempe, Arizona or Janette from Shrewsbury singing the national anthem. I want big time solo artists or bands on that parque floor. It’s the national anthem! Having all these nobodies (no pun intended) butcher it every home game and making it lose it’s prestige. The first night we take over, Huey Lewis and The News will be singing the national anthem. Beat that, Oprah. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

6. Also, we’re not horrible racists. Self explanatory.

Come on, who wouldn’t us owning a NBA team?! We already have famous friends and that’s pretty much half of owning a pro sports team.

A lifetime ban and a $2.5M fine might be OK with some people but not for me. Donald Sterling might not own an NBA team anymore but we’re ignoring the root of the problem: he’s an admitted, proud racist. Fining him pocket change and banning him from the sport in which 80% of the players are people he hates probably isn’t going to change his views, but sending him to Diversity Day training with Michael Scott will. It’s the ultimate cure all for racists of all kinds. I really hope Adam Silver adds a diversity day provision into this ruling. Donald Sterling needs it. America needs it. I need it.

Courtside seats to the Lakers on Christmas day. No big deal. Probably fooled around with a couple of the Lakers cheerleaders too just for kicks. Jack Nicholson has owned Hollywood forever, and there’s not a chance in hell that his son isn’t riding his coattails everywhere he goes. He’d be stupid not to. You can get into any place you want. Have any girl you want. Sit courtside at the Lakers and go to every awards show. Jack Nicholson’s son has skyrocketed up my list of people I’d love to be. I can only picture two drawbacks. 1. Dad steals every girlfriend you’ve ever had and 2. you have a lame name. I expected Jack Nicholson to come up with a better name than ‘Raymond’ for his son. I would’ve went with Lightning or Iceman. Definitely major drawbacks, but the pros outweigh the cons.