"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." - Katharine Hepburn

Sunday, 09 November 2008

Purpose vs. Expectation

This is not an easy post for me to write. For one thing, I'm out of town on a serious family matter, and I have quite enough on my plate, things much more important to me than this blog (as important to me as my blog is, it will never take the place of my loved ones). For another thing, I suspect that what I'm about to say will in the end not change a whole lot of what's bothering me.

Yet I feel compelled to write it anyway, and when I feel this strongly about something I know I just have to go with it. So here goes... I'm throwing myself in the lion's mouth.

I started this blog for several reasons, all of them personal. One, I wanted a creative outlet for my writing and to get myself into a regular writing practice. In this, I have succeeded; writing this blog is one of the great joys of my life, not only for the outlet it gives me but for the wonderful people I have met both virtually and in real time as a result of having this blog.

Two, I started it over three and a half years ago as a means of staying focused on my larger dream: moving to Paris and having the experience of challenging myself with a life abroad, for however long I could manage it. Well, THAT, too, surpassed even my own expectations, and I never expected the gift of lasting love to come into my life after first arriving in Paris two years ago tomorrow.

Three, I wanted to use the blog as part of my writer's portfolio, building a body of work that would someday lead to something bigger. This one, I'm still working on but many things have been taking shape of late as a result of the writing I've done here, and I've even gotten clients in the past on the strength of my blog writing. So this has been a success, too, and I expect more to come in the future.

Lastly, I hoped the blog might attract interesting people and the opportunity for interesting dialogue, in so much as it's possible to dialogue on a blog (which isn't what blogging is intended for, really). In general, I feel this hope has also been manifested and the vast majority of people who have chosen to become regular readers and at least occasional commentors have been delightful to "meet" and interact with. Some of them have even become close and very dear friends, for which I'm profoundly grateful. I treasure your comments and direct emails, and value the contributions you have made to the blog over the past years. I hope you'll continue to come back again and again, because the world needs as many Bold Souls as it can handle.

But from time to time, there is another category of commentors that have surfaced: those that clearly don't like what I have to say, for one reason or another, and the reasons have been varied. They seem to fall into several archetypes:

The Argumentative Ones: people who, for reasons best known only to themselves, love a good argument and show up looking for one, often where no argument previously existed. If they can't find an argument, they'll MAKE one.

The Angry Ones: those who take something I've expressed, often out of context or else they've just completely misunderstood my intent, and react to it so strongly that I am sometimes taken aback at the fury with which they attack me over what they THOUGHT I meant, even when I didn't.

The Entitled Ones: there seem to be a very specific class of blog readers out there who feel the Internet is their personal domain, and that it's their job to police it and route out bloggers who don't fit their expectations. They take a personal blog like mine and try to pick it apart on the premise of "Hey, YOU put yourself out here and therefore I should be able to say anything I like about what you wrote and furthermore I should be able to say it in any WAY I like no matter how rude or nasty I might be. And I don't like what you're about so why don't you just go away!" -- Who died and left them Boss of the Blogosophere, I'd like to know? Can't they just live and let blog? Don't they have better things to do with their time?

The "How Dare You Change Your Blog" Ones: these are sometimes the Entitled Ones as well. They read a blog, love it initially and are often very prolific and supportive commentors, but over time they get very emotionally invested in the blog and what they expect out of it -- and then if the blogger dares to move "off program" in a new direction (maybe because the blogger's LIFE has moved in new direction?), they are mortally offended and often pretty mean about. I haven't really come across this one often (yet) but have seen it happen to Dooce and Petite Anglaise and others. And I suspect there will come a point in my future where I might get a few of these as well, because my life and writing interests are evolving as we speak, and the blog will naturally have to evolve with it.

The Ones Who Just Are Just Plain Bitchy For the Sake of It: these are people who come out of nowhere, it seems, and drop a "bitchy bomb" in the middle of an otherwise normal stream of comments. Why? Who knows... bad hair day? Pissed off at the boss but need to vent it on someone else? Your guess is as good as mine.

I could spend time here naming names and linking to specific past and even recent comments to cite examples of which are which, but it won't change the fact that when you're a writer, you will always have critics, even when you didn't invite them and even when their criticism is largely personal or based on the critic's own personal agenda (or psychosis, as the case may be) rather than being about the quality of your writing.

I have been accused, unasked, by some of MY fiercest critics as not being able to handle an opposing opinion. Of being unwilling to argue. Of being closed off to discussion. And of course, when I try to say, "Oh, no, that's not true, you're misunderstanding my point", those same people argue with me further and make the same accusations over and over. If I don't argue, they say I don't like to invite argument; but if I DO argue or try to defend myself, then I'm "being defensive" and "can't handle it". Clearly, these are people with whom I'll never win; I'll never satisfy them -- because they are expecting me to be someone and something I'm not.

I have to say, these types of accusations have been difficult for me to digest mainly because throughout my entire life, I've had -- among the people who really know me -- a solid reputation as being very open minded, very liberal (and I don't mean politically) and tolerant and willing to at least hear all sides even if I don't agree.

When they're being hurled at my head, these accusations from the nastiest of my blog critics, it's nearly always over my OPINIONS I'm writing on my own PERSONAL BLOG. I'm not out there try to shove them down other people's throats, because a blog requires the reader to be proactive in seeking out the blog; I can't force my opinions on anyone with this medium. You, the reader, have to go out of your way to read my blog, and up until recently I've been operating on the assumption that people were reading it because they LIKED it. Imagine my dismay to discover there is this small, strange segment of my readership who hates what I'm about, what I stand for, how I write, and my very purpose in creating The Bold Soul, and yet... they come back over and over again just to tell me how horrible this blog is and how they hate it. Wassup with that?

I've said it before and I'll say it again: PERSONAL BLOG. Personal. Meaning it's about me and whatever I want it to be about. And shouldn't that be OK? Why this is somehow offensive to some people is beyond me. And here's the thing, something Georges reminded me about recently: this IS just a blog. It's something I created for my personal reasons, nothing more and nothing less. I have never promised it would be anything else, and I don't apologize for it being what it is. If someone has expected otherwise, then they created those expectations themselves because I have never said it would be different.

What I have realized is, you know these commentors who are the argumentative, nasty, rude, immature, vicious, angry, bitchy ones with a sense of entitlement? The problem is, they don't understand at all what the purpose of this blog is, and always has been. Instead, they have come here with their own unique expectations of what they're looking for in a blog, and when I don't deliver (because my blog isn't and never will be what they want) they decide to take it out on ME. And sometimes even on my other commentors. There is a big difference between THAT, and commentors who come here with a differing opinion and the ability to express it pleasantly and respectfully so that we can engage in a little bit of dialogue.

What we have here is a huge gap between what my intended purpose for this blog happens to be, and what a very small (thankfully) minority of readers EXPECT it to be. So let me help everyone, now and in the future, manage your expectations. Because I don't enjoy being attacked and I don't enjoy disappointing other people, even when it's not my fault.

Here's what the Bold Soul is all about: Me. My life. My love. My family. My friends. Paris. France. Living here. My transition from over 40 and single, to suddenly married and living in a foreign country with a wonderful man and his three kids. Travel to other places beyond France that interest me. Writing. Things that matter to me. Things that are important to me. Things I enjoy writing about. Things I feel positive about. Things I hope will be inspiring to someone else because they are inspiring to me. Things I believe strongly in. And sometimes, things that occasionally piss me off. I typically write about things in positive manner because that's how I choose to live my life; but I'm human, and sometimes I will vent. I may sometimes write from a spiritual perspective, one that may or may not jive with the beliefs of all my readers. Lately I've written about politics because for the first time ever, I'm excited about something political (but don't expect THAT to last forever as politics has never held my interest for long). If you're someone who needs a lift in your day; if you love Paris and France and like reading about the life of someone living here; if you like my general writing style "just because", then you'll probably be someone who would enjoy this blog. If not... please see next paragraph.

Here's what it isn't: It is not a political blog. It is not a blog about current events. I do not dissect the news of the day and then hyper-analyze them for my own amusement, even while I may periodically express an opinion on some current event or other. It is not a place for people to air their grievances about the world at large. It is not a place where I invite negativity just for the sake of it. Whiners and moaners need not apply. And lastly, this blog is NOT, and never will be, a topical discussion group or a forum where I post something and then everyone else is invited to join in, debate, argue and discuss with me and the other participants. A blog is NOT a discussion group in the technical sense of that term; discussion groups are a whole different technology altogether and they are suited to debate and argument. And before you jump down my throat saying "well then you shouldn't accept comments if don't want people to argue with you", my response is that sure, I leave comments open on my blog because it's nice to know other people are "out there" and I AM interested in hearing what other people have to say, even if they disagree with me -- as long as they aren't being rude about it. Rudeness has ZERO place here and it's one thing I'm very intolerant about. There is simply no excuse for any mature person to be rude to another human being, even when they disagree. So if you're someone who just loves to troll the blogosphere looking to vent your spleen on someone, thinking there will be no repercussions, you might as well leave right now because you're not welcome here. I have limits and boundaries, like anyone else. Being tolerant doesn't mean putting up with being needlessly provoked, attacked and shit upon. If that's what you're looking to do here, better move along right now.

And for the record: I do think it's possible for people to post a dissenting point of view here without it escalating into argument or debate. I LOVE it when that happens. Someone did that just yesterday and I thought she expressed herself and her concerns beautifully. Clearly, some people know how to state their point of view without regressing into attacks, spitefulness, or bitchiness; and some people don't.

I don't apologize for the fact that I do not like to argue. This does not make me defective; quite the opposite. Being an arguer doesn't necessarily make you a more evolved person, you know. I am not a competitive person; never have been. I don't have an overwhelming need to win at all costs or be right at someone else's expense. It's just not in my nature, which is why I am not on TV on one of those news debate programs. Some people get off on that sort of "entertainment" but I'm simply not one of them. So don't expect to get that here, if that's what you're seeking.

What I am learning, albeit the hard way, about being a writer in the public eye is that I can't please everyone. And sometimes, despite my own best efforts and intentions, not only will someone disagree with me but they will completely misunderstand me and will then not allow me to explain or defend myself against THEIR misunderstanding of who I am or what I believe. Here's an example:

Once, a long time ago now, I had one commentor who was really terrific. She made fascinating points, offered wonderful resources for my future life in France (I wasn't here yet) and she was a brilliant writer, too, with a blog of her own that I really enjoyed. I felt we were even developing a friendship because we had exchanged off-blog emails and had talked about meeting when I finally got to France. Then one day I used a phrase in one of my blog posts, where I said that I believed "there are no victims in life" -- a post that was not about being a victim at all but which was really about a very positive experience I had just had that week -- and she objected so strenuously to that ONE point (ignoring all the rest of the post) that she called me several names and raged at me for rather a long time in her comments. Somehow, despite my very positive intentions in writing that post, she completely misunderstood me, saw nothing but negativity in it, and nothing I could say would change her mind about who she NOW believed me to be. And I never heard from her again. I was the same person I'd been BEFORE that post, and still had all the same qualities she seemed to like, yet with just one phrase her opinion of me turned around 180 degrees and that was it.

Was I right and she wrong? No, not really. What we had here was a case of disappointed expectations. She expected that I would be the person she thought I would be; and when I didn't deliver on what she felt I "promised" (i.e., what she EXPECTED) then she turned it back on me. Meanwhile, all I was doing was writing about something that made me happy; I was never trying to change the world or get people to come around to my way of thinking. And yet, I was criticized for it.

This has happened since, in various forms. Often the posts where I get the most criticism are often the ones I think are the silliest, like the Turkish Toilet post. Sometimes, I can't help but laugh at such criticism because it seems so ridiculous; and sometimes I think it's really sad that some people are just looking for an argument where there shouldn't even be one. And all because someone like me just got up one day and decided to start a blog, for what she felt were All The Right Reasons.

Sigh.

I realize this has been a very, very long post. I realize there will be criticism about this one, too. People will (again) misunderstand me. People will jump down my throat, call me names and tell me I have no business being "out here" if I don't like criticism. Frankly, I'm a little sorry I felt the need to write it at all because I feel I should be able to write a personal blog with my own personal opinions without other people trying to tar and feather me for it -- I'm not trying to step on someone else's opinions, dreams or ideals... I'm merely expressing my own, with no other agenda than that. And I'm idealistic enough to believe that for the most part, people are and should be mature enough to disagree with me, when they DO disagree, without regressing into infantile behavior.

And yet, I know I am fighting a losing battle against the expectations of people I don't know (and who will often hide behind the convenient anonymity of the Internet while they take their cheap shots) and who don't really know ME even when they imagine they do. Maybe I have to change my own expectations as well, and not expect that all people who pass the the way of The Bold Soul will be able to be civilized, moderate, respectful and tolerant of those with whom they disagree. Even though MOST of you are exactly that way, thank you so very much.

Yet I'll never stop hoping for that kind of world. One where people are accepted and respected for who they are at the core, not for how they are judged by outward appearance, misinformation and erroneous expectations.

In the meantime, The Bold Soul goes on, in the way I always intended it: a mode of self-expression that I hope will be as uplifting for you all to read, as it is for me to write. Those that want to express a different opinion will ALWAYS be welcome... provided they can do it responsibly and with respect for me and my other readers. If they can't, then I can't promise they will continue to be welcome here. I've only blocked people from commenting twice in three and a half years (other than for obvious spamming attempts) and both times it was because the people in question just couldn't find a way to behave themselves. I'm sad to say that today was one of those two times, and I hope the person I blocked will not make an attempt to come back but will simply move on to read something more in keeping with his or her beliefs or interests. For my part, I don't intend to change who I am, or the heart of The Bold Soul. And no one should expect differently.

Thanks for "listening" and for your support, interest and patronage, and even your opposite points of view.

Comments

Purpose vs. Expectation

This is not an easy post for me to write. For one thing, I'm out of town on a serious family matter, and I have quite enough on my plate, things much more important to me than this blog (as important to me as my blog is, it will never take the place of my loved ones). For another thing, I suspect that what I'm about to say will in the end not change a whole lot of what's bothering me.

Yet I feel compelled to write it anyway, and when I feel this strongly about something I know I just have to go with it. So here goes... I'm throwing myself in the lion's mouth.

I started this blog for several reasons, all of them personal. One, I wanted a creative outlet for my writing and to get myself into a regular writing practice. In this, I have succeeded; writing this blog is one of the great joys of my life, not only for the outlet it gives me but for the wonderful people I have met both virtually and in real time as a result of having this blog.

Two, I started it over three and a half years ago as a means of staying focused on my larger dream: moving to Paris and having the experience of challenging myself with a life abroad, for however long I could manage it. Well, THAT, too, surpassed even my own expectations, and I never expected the gift of lasting love to come into my life after first arriving in Paris two years ago tomorrow.

Three, I wanted to use the blog as part of my writer's portfolio, building a body of work that would someday lead to something bigger. This one, I'm still working on but many things have been taking shape of late as a result of the writing I've done here, and I've even gotten clients in the past on the strength of my blog writing. So this has been a success, too, and I expect more to come in the future.

Lastly, I hoped the blog might attract interesting people and the opportunity for interesting dialogue, in so much as it's possible to dialogue on a blog (which isn't what blogging is intended for, really). In general, I feel this hope has also been manifested and the vast majority of people who have chosen to become regular readers and at least occasional commentors have been delightful to "meet" and interact with. Some of them have even become close and very dear friends, for which I'm profoundly grateful. I treasure your comments and direct emails, and value the contributions you have made to the blog over the past years. I hope you'll continue to come back again and again, because the world needs as many Bold Souls as it can handle.

But from time to time, there is another category of commentors that have surfaced: those that clearly don't like what I have to say, for one reason or another, and the reasons have been varied. They seem to fall into several archetypes:

The Argumentative Ones: people who, for reasons best known only to themselves, love a good argument and show up looking for one, often where no argument previously existed. If they can't find an argument, they'll MAKE one.

The Angry Ones: those who take something I've expressed, often out of context or else they've just completely misunderstood my intent, and react to it so strongly that I am sometimes taken aback at the fury with which they attack me over what they THOUGHT I meant, even when I didn't.

The Entitled Ones: there seem to be a very specific class of blog readers out there who feel the Internet is their personal domain, and that it's their job to police it and route out bloggers who don't fit their expectations. They take a personal blog like mine and try to pick it apart on the premise of "Hey, YOU put yourself out here and therefore I should be able to say anything I like about what you wrote and furthermore I should be able to say it in any WAY I like no matter how rude or nasty I might be. And I don't like what you're about so why don't you just go away!" -- Who died and left them Boss of the Blogosophere, I'd like to know? Can't they just live and let blog? Don't they have better things to do with their time?

The "How Dare You Change Your Blog" Ones: these are sometimes the Entitled Ones as well. They read a blog, love it initially and are often very prolific and supportive commentors, but over time they get very emotionally invested in the blog and what they expect out of it -- and then if the blogger dares to move "off program" in a new direction (maybe because the blogger's LIFE has moved in new direction?), they are mortally offended and often pretty mean about. I haven't really come across this one often (yet) but have seen it happen to Dooce and Petite Anglaise and others. And I suspect there will come a point in my future where I might get a few of these as well, because my life and writing interests are evolving as we speak, and the blog will naturally have to evolve with it.

The Ones Who Just Are Just Plain Bitchy For the Sake of It: these are people who come out of nowhere, it seems, and drop a "bitchy bomb" in the middle of an otherwise normal stream of comments. Why? Who knows... bad hair day? Pissed off at the boss but need to vent it on someone else? Your guess is as good as mine.

I could spend time here naming names and linking to specific past and even recent comments to cite examples of which are which, but it won't change the fact that when you're a writer, you will always have critics, even when you didn't invite them and even when their criticism is largely personal or based on the critic's own personal agenda (or psychosis, as the case may be) rather than being about the quality of your writing.

I have been accused, unasked, by some of MY fiercest critics as not being able to handle an opposing opinion. Of being unwilling to argue. Of being closed off to discussion. And of course, when I try to say, "Oh, no, that's not true, you're misunderstanding my point", those same people argue with me further and make the same accusations over and over. If I don't argue, they say I don't like to invite argument; but if I DO argue or try to defend myself, then I'm "being defensive" and "can't handle it". Clearly, these are people with whom I'll never win; I'll never satisfy them -- because they are expecting me to be someone and something I'm not.

I have to say, these types of accusations have been difficult for me to digest mainly because throughout my entire life, I've had -- among the people who really know me -- a solid reputation as being very open minded, very liberal (and I don't mean politically) and tolerant and willing to at least hear all sides even if I don't agree.

When they're being hurled at my head, these accusations from the nastiest of my blog critics, it's nearly always over my OPINIONS I'm writing on my own PERSONAL BLOG. I'm not out there try to shove them down other people's throats, because a blog requires the reader to be proactive in seeking out the blog; I can't force my opinions on anyone with this medium. You, the reader, have to go out of your way to read my blog, and up until recently I've been operating on the assumption that people were reading it because they LIKED it. Imagine my dismay to discover there is this small, strange segment of my readership who hates what I'm about, what I stand for, how I write, and my very purpose in creating The Bold Soul, and yet... they come back over and over again just to tell me how horrible this blog is and how they hate it. Wassup with that?

I've said it before and I'll say it again: PERSONAL BLOG. Personal. Meaning it's about me and whatever I want it to be about. And shouldn't that be OK? Why this is somehow offensive to some people is beyond me. And here's the thing, something Georges reminded me about recently: this IS just a blog. It's something I created for my personal reasons, nothing more and nothing less. I have never promised it would be anything else, and I don't apologize for it being what it is. If someone has expected otherwise, then they created those expectations themselves because I have never said it would be different.

What I have realized is, you know these commentors who are the argumentative, nasty, rude, immature, vicious, angry, bitchy ones with a sense of entitlement? The problem is, they don't understand at all what the purpose of this blog is, and always has been. Instead, they have come here with their own unique expectations of what they're looking for in a blog, and when I don't deliver (because my blog isn't and never will be what they want) they decide to take it out on ME. And sometimes even on my other commentors. There is a big difference between THAT, and commentors who come here with a differing opinion and the ability to express it pleasantly and respectfully so that we can engage in a little bit of dialogue.

What we have here is a huge gap between what my intended purpose for this blog happens to be, and what a very small (thankfully) minority of readers EXPECT it to be. So let me help everyone, now and in the future, manage your expectations. Because I don't enjoy being attacked and I don't enjoy disappointing other people, even when it's not my fault.

Here's what the Bold Soul is all about: Me. My life. My love. My family. My friends. Paris. France. Living here. My transition from over 40 and single, to suddenly married and living in a foreign country with a wonderful man and his three kids. Travel to other places beyond France that interest me. Writing. Things that matter to me. Things that are important to me. Things I enjoy writing about. Things I feel positive about. Things I hope will be inspiring to someone else because they are inspiring to me. Things I believe strongly in. And sometimes, things that occasionally piss me off. I typically write about things in positive manner because that's how I choose to live my life; but I'm human, and sometimes I will vent. I may sometimes write from a spiritual perspective, one that may or may not jive with the beliefs of all my readers. Lately I've written about politics because for the first time ever, I'm excited about something political (but don't expect THAT to last forever as politics has never held my interest for long). If you're someone who needs a lift in your day; if you love Paris and France and like reading about the life of someone living here; if you like my general writing style "just because", then you'll probably be someone who would enjoy this blog. If not... please see next paragraph.

Here's what it isn't: It is not a political blog. It is not a blog about current events. I do not dissect the news of the day and then hyper-analyze them for my own amusement, even while I may periodically express an opinion on some current event or other. It is not a place for people to air their grievances about the world at large. It is not a place where I invite negativity just for the sake of it. Whiners and moaners need not apply. And lastly, this blog is NOT, and never will be, a topical discussion group or a forum where I post something and then everyone else is invited to join in, debate, argue and discuss with me and the other participants. A blog is NOT a discussion group in the technical sense of that term; discussion groups are a whole different technology altogether and they are suited to debate and argument. And before you jump down my throat saying "well then you shouldn't accept comments if don't want people to argue with you", my response is that sure, I leave comments open on my blog because it's nice to know other people are "out there" and I AM interested in hearing what other people have to say, even if they disagree with me -- as long as they aren't being rude about it. Rudeness has ZERO place here and it's one thing I'm very intolerant about. There is simply no excuse for any mature person to be rude to another human being, even when they disagree. So if you're someone who just loves to troll the blogosphere looking to vent your spleen on someone, thinking there will be no repercussions, you might as well leave right now because you're not welcome here. I have limits and boundaries, like anyone else. Being tolerant doesn't mean putting up with being needlessly provoked, attacked and shit upon. If that's what you're looking to do here, better move along right now.

And for the record: I do think it's possible for people to post a dissenting point of view here without it escalating into argument or debate. I LOVE it when that happens. Someone did that just yesterday and I thought she expressed herself and her concerns beautifully. Clearly, some people know how to state their point of view without regressing into attacks, spitefulness, or bitchiness; and some people don't.

I don't apologize for the fact that I do not like to argue. This does not make me defective; quite the opposite. Being an arguer doesn't necessarily make you a more evolved person, you know. I am not a competitive person; never have been. I don't have an overwhelming need to win at all costs or be right at someone else's expense. It's just not in my nature, which is why I am not on TV on one of those news debate programs. Some people get off on that sort of "entertainment" but I'm simply not one of them. So don't expect to get that here, if that's what you're seeking.

What I am learning, albeit the hard way, about being a writer in the public eye is that I can't please everyone. And sometimes, despite my own best efforts and intentions, not only will someone disagree with me but they will completely misunderstand me and will then not allow me to explain or defend myself against THEIR misunderstanding of who I am or what I believe. Here's an example:

Once, a long time ago now, I had one commentor who was really terrific. She made fascinating points, offered wonderful resources for my future life in France (I wasn't here yet) and she was a brilliant writer, too, with a blog of her own that I really enjoyed. I felt we were even developing a friendship because we had exchanged off-blog emails and had talked about meeting when I finally got to France. Then one day I used a phrase in one of my blog posts, where I said that I believed "there are no victims in life" -- a post that was not about being a victim at all but which was really about a very positive experience I had just had that week -- and she objected so strenuously to that ONE point (ignoring all the rest of the post) that she called me several names and raged at me for rather a long time in her comments. Somehow, despite my very positive intentions in writing that post, she completely misunderstood me, saw nothing but negativity in it, and nothing I could say would change her mind about who she NOW believed me to be. And I never heard from her again. I was the same person I'd been BEFORE that post, and still had all the same qualities she seemed to like, yet with just one phrase her opinion of me turned around 180 degrees and that was it.

Was I right and she wrong? No, not really. What we had here was a case of disappointed expectations. She expected that I would be the person she thought I would be; and when I didn't deliver on what she felt I "promised" (i.e., what she EXPECTED) then she turned it back on me. Meanwhile, all I was doing was writing about something that made me happy; I was never trying to change the world or get people to come around to my way of thinking. And yet, I was criticized for it.

This has happened since, in various forms. Often the posts where I get the most criticism are often the ones I think are the silliest, like the Turkish Toilet post. Sometimes, I can't help but laugh at such criticism because it seems so ridiculous; and sometimes I think it's really sad that some people are just looking for an argument where there shouldn't even be one. And all because someone like me just got up one day and decided to start a blog, for what she felt were All The Right Reasons.

Sigh.

I realize this has been a very, very long post. I realize there will be criticism about this one, too. People will (again) misunderstand me. People will jump down my throat, call me names and tell me I have no business being "out here" if I don't like criticism. Frankly, I'm a little sorry I felt the need to write it at all because I feel I should be able to write a personal blog with my own personal opinions without other people trying to tar and feather me for it -- I'm not trying to step on someone else's opinions, dreams or ideals... I'm merely expressing my own, with no other agenda than that. And I'm idealistic enough to believe that for the most part, people are and should be mature enough to disagree with me, when they DO disagree, without regressing into infantile behavior.

And yet, I know I am fighting a losing battle against the expectations of people I don't know (and who will often hide behind the convenient anonymity of the Internet while they take their cheap shots) and who don't really know ME even when they imagine they do. Maybe I have to change my own expectations as well, and not expect that all people who pass the the way of The Bold Soul will be able to be civilized, moderate, respectful and tolerant of those with whom they disagree. Even though MOST of you are exactly that way, thank you so very much.

Yet I'll never stop hoping for that kind of world. One where people are accepted and respected for who they are at the core, not for how they are judged by outward appearance, misinformation and erroneous expectations.

In the meantime, The Bold Soul goes on, in the way I always intended it: a mode of self-expression that I hope will be as uplifting for you all to read, as it is for me to write. Those that want to express a different opinion will ALWAYS be welcome... provided they can do it responsibly and with respect for me and my other readers. If they can't, then I can't promise they will continue to be welcome here. I've only blocked people from commenting twice in three and a half years (other than for obvious spamming attempts) and both times it was because the people in question just couldn't find a way to behave themselves. I'm sad to say that today was one of those two times, and I hope the person I blocked will not make an attempt to come back but will simply move on to read something more in keeping with his or her beliefs or interests. For my part, I don't intend to change who I am, or the heart of The Bold Soul. And no one should expect differently.

Thanks for "listening" and for your support, interest and patronage, and even your opposite points of view.

Come along for the ride...

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