Plankton Attraction

Recently I got to thinking about the laws of attraction and I have concluded that there is no such law. For me, the attraction to the opposite sex (and the same sex) has been rather contrary. No real rhyme or reason to the way I select friends and boyfriends. Looking back at the people of consequence that have broken through my "force-field," if you will, I'd say confidence is the key. People that appear to be completely comfortable in their own skin have more to offer than those that are insecure and are continually looking for validation.

I fell in love with a guy once because on our very first date he told me he was happy. I mean really happy. Talk about no pressure for a relationship. When I meet someone who is not looking for someone to make them happy all the pressure is off...or at least that is how it feels. Anyway, that love didn't work out because, well, I guess I wasn't a good enough compliment to his happiness. Now I find myself in kind of a weird space. I don't necessarily want to be in a relationship but the longer I wait the more likely my chances of ending up with a complete loser. (Yeah, I said it.)

I guess I don't want to get to that point where I have to "settle" for someone. That would be more tragic than a life spent eating only vegan TV dinners.

Now back to the the attraction. I remember when I had my first crush, it was completely beyond comprehension. How could I get all excited about someone just by looking at them? I have concluded that it is the mystery of the situation that draws me in. There is no fancy chemical reaction. When I see someone that appears different from all the other random plankton at the bottom of the pond, I bite.

I guess I project my fear of being ordinary on some random person who has no idea what they are getting themselves into. I am yet to date someone who accepts me completely, no matter how I chose them. Maybe complete acceptance is an impossible feat and I should give up now. But then I think, If I can spend over 15 years in school pursuing and education in a field that I didn't know for sure that I want, why would I give up on something I can say without a doubt is more important to me that anything else?

I want to talk about attraction but I keep diverting. I wonder why ? As I have failed to answer my own question, I have to end with a question. Are we attracted to the things we lack in ourselves are are we attracted to that which is most present in us?

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