Thursday, December 8, 2011

Postpartum depression. So many woman suffer from it. So many woman are ashamed of it. And they shouldn't be. It is not uncommon and it is not abnormal, unfortunately it is just something that happens to some woman. After the births of my first and fourth sons, both single births, I luckily did not have any depression issues. My brief battle with PPD came after the birth of our twins in 2007.

The birth of my twins was a bit on the traumatic side. I was induced at 39 weeks 1 day, despite my better judgment. In retrospect, I wish I had waited a few more days. Baby A was an easy peasy vaginal delivery. However Baby B was semi-transverse with his head and neck bent completely back. The doctor preformed an internal version to try and turn him into the proper position, but it did not work. So he was delivered via an emergency c-section. I was mentally and physically exhausted and recovery took a long time. I literally looked like I had been in a boxing match.

Photo credit: grietgriet from morguefile.com

I think I was about 3 weeks postpartum when I started to realize I might have been suffering from PPD. My mother in law was staying with me 5 days a week for 3 weeks to help me out, and thank goodness for that. I wasn't bonding with the twins at all and honestly a lot of the time I wanted little to do with them. She would bring them to me so I could nurse them, but she did everything else. I sometimes found myself daydreaming about taking our two year old and leaving. That was the red flag for me.

After doing some depression research I discovered that PPD is more common after births of multiples. There are even more hormones involved when there is more than one baby in there and when you couple that with my birth experience, it is no surprise that it hit me.

At my 4 week postpartum visit with my OB/GYN, I filled out a questionnaire as I waited to see my doctor. After reading my answers she confirmed what I had suspected: I was suffering from postpartum depression. We talked for a little while and she sent me home with a prescription for Zoloft. Just being able to talk to her helped tremendously. Knowing I had resources I could turn to. I think this was the turning point for me. I filled my prescription but never ended up taking any of it. Over the next few weeks I slowly came back out of my depression until I was finally feeling back to normal. Well, almost normal. I did have newborn twins and a two year old to care for. Talk about an adjustment!

I was fortunate that my stint with PPD wasn't very long. But the reality is that it differs for each woman. While mine only lasted weeks, for some it can last months. Or even years. It is important to know that we are not alone out there and you do have resources to help and support you. Don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help.

I had serious PPD after Johnny. His father and I split up when he was weeks old and I resented him for it. He was the reason I was where I was and I held him responsible for it. I was bad for 6 months before my parents stepped in and forced me to deal with it and realize I was responsible for where I was and I was the only one who could change that. Luckily johnny was never in harm but he was resented and once I was better it made me sad that he wasn't held and loved the way a new baby should be.

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