Does North Korea want to wipe out Austin?

The North Korea battle plan. Take preparations accordingly, Congress Street.

What kind of real world power tells the opposition where it is going to strike?

North Korea, in an apparent attempt to strike fear into the hearts of its foes, broadcast its battle plans this week.

If you look carefully, you’ll see a missile track above headed straight for Austin. (Translated, the text says “Plan to hit the US mainland,” according to The Telegraph of London.)

Why?

A few thoughts:

1) Wiping out South by Southwest could open the door for up-and-coming North Korean expat rock bands like this one:

2) North Korea is jealous of Texas’ economic boom.

3) It’s a brazen attempt to corner the market on Day of the Dead tchotchkes.

4) “Keep Austin Weird” has been misunderstood in translation as “Keep Austin Smeared.”

5) Hill Country deemed easier for mop-up missions than mountains in the lame “Red Dawn” remake.

In any case, Austin may not have to worry. North Korea’s missiles are not believed to be reliable.

Why are we in this mess? Jean H. Lee of the Associated Press explains it all:

In July, it will be 60 years since North Korea and China signed an armistice with the U.S. and the United Nations to bring an end to three years of fighting that cost millions of lives. The designated Demilitarized Zone has evolved into the most heavily guarded border in the world.

It was never intended to be a permanent border. But six decades later, North and South remain divided, with Pyongyang feeling abandoned by the South Koreans in the quest for reunification and threatened by the Americans.

The site NK News says newspapers with photos of the North Korean battle plan have been distributed throughout the country and displayed in many public locations.