THE

LIBERTARIAN

ENTERPRISE

Nubbin Dump Has a Plan!

I was over at the Last Ditch Attempt Saloon (Guns & Bait in the back)
the other day, chewin' the fat with Biggun Stump and rentin' a couple
of long neck Pearls, when who should wander in but none other than
Nubbin Dump! Nobody around here had seen Nubbin since he moved off to
Trots County after gettin' himself about half rich from inventin'
round sheets of toilet paper with pictures of Billary on 'em! Me an'
Biggun was some surprised an' right happy to see him an' we commenced
to have ourselves a little reunion. Now Nubbin Dump, or 'Big Dog' as
he's known around here, is what you call yer visionary. He's always
been full of ideas an' philosophies an' after we all shook hands an'
said our howdies, an' Big Dog had shook hands with a cocktail or two,
we asked him what his latest plan was.

"Boys," says Big Dog, "I'm goin' to Washington. Now that BillyJeff
Clinton has finally been deposed America needs some industrial
strength cleanin' up an' I'm duty bound to help out. He's run riot
for eight years an' as soon as they've fumigated the White House an'
counted all the silverware an' patched up the claw marks Hillary left
behind when they dragged her out, ol' George W. is goin' to need all
the help he can get."

"What ya plannin' on doin'?" Biggun asks.

"I'm plannin' on un-doin'," says Big Dog. "Un-doin' the last eight
years of socialist-communist-left-wing-politically-correct horse
manure that's been dumped on America by the treasonous low life who
called himself president and the brain-dead sheeple who supported him
on everything from rape to genocide. These here are some of my
Un-Clinton plans:"

1. In keeping with the spirit of the ex Tyrant-in-Chief, everything
inside the Beltway in the District of Criminals will be declared a
federal preserve. All roadways, waterways and airways will be closed
so as to preserve the pristine nature of the area "for the people."
Since "the people" will no longer be allowed to enter this preserve,
all federal bureaucrats, elected officials and other threats to a
free republic will be forced to go home and try selling out America
from the bottom of whatever ditch they get hired to dig. The benefits
of this proposal are legion. No more IRS, ATF, FBI, NEA, CIA, FEMA,
OSHA or any other federal alphabet sinkhole into which Americans are
forced to pour money, and out of which Americans receive slavery. No
more federal politicians grinning big while they empty your wallets
of money and your hearts of hope. Should a natural disaster occur --
such as Biggun Stump accidentally tossing a Molotov cocktail into a
whole pile of unconstitutional Executive Orders resulting in a fire
that levels the whole damn preserve -- we can all rejoice in the
indisputable proof that there is a God, and that he is of a kind and
loving nature.

2. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, the directors of the NAACP, everybody
who works at the Southern Poverty Law Center and any other
I'm-A-Minority-So-You-Owe-Me-A-Living race baiters will be given REAL
jobs. (I suggest manning the roadblocks into D.C. Since they're all
so terrified of guns we can arm them with socks full of dung. The
murderous inner-city thugs whose "civil rights" they want protected
have no such reservations regarding firearms, however, so
replacements may be necessary from time to time. Not a problem since
the aforementioned organizations have managed to 'educate' a couple
of generations of young people into permanently-dependent-crybaby
status.)

3. California will be renamed Californicate. Due to the highly
poisonous and degenerate brand of socialism and eco-lunacy that
emanates from this area of the country, the whole mess will be walled
off and declared a toxic waste dump. An inner wall will be built
around Hollywood which will be redesignated New Debaucheryville.
Current movers and shakers in the entertainment industry will be
housed there in roofless shelters and tourists will be encouraged to
fly over dropping them "care packages" filled with all the crap
they've been smothered in by the denizens of Tinseltown over the
course of the last eight years.

4. New York City will be walled off and renamed The Big Road Apple.
Since Hillary won't be allowed into D.C., she will be crowned Queen
Bitch For The Life Of The Village. After being seated on her
porcelain throne, and having been presented with her Cattle Prod
Scepter Of Power, she will be invited to rule over the village full
of pea-brained wogs who elected her to the Senate. Her husband will
be designated Official Court Guy You Wouldn't Let Your Daughter Near
and given the job of scrubbing the village stables clean of all the
crap he's spit out over the years. Charles Schumer will be invited to
serve as a lawn jockey and Al Gore will be designated Village Coat
Rack.

5. The Boy Scouts will be allowed to invite or un-invite anybody they
damn well choose to join them. This goes for any other private
organization that desires the right to free association.

6. Janet Reno will indeed "tour the country" after she slithers out
of office. The country she'll tour will be Cuba. Going along for the
ride to the "peoples paradise" will be Alec Baldwin, Barbra
Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher and a host of other celebrity
suckholes America will be better off shed of. Vaya con frijoles!

7. The Second Amendment will be upheld. All gun laws currently on the
books (with the exception of those banning firearms to violent
felons) will be suspended pending review for Constitutionality by a
panel of Constitutional scholars and not by a bunch of black-robed
feebs with communist agendas. The hysterical nitwits out there crying
panic over law abiding citizens having weapons will be offered free
gun safety courses as well as reality checks designed to tune them in
to the fact that guns are necessary for a free people if they are to
stay free from the totalitarians who would enslave them.

8. Calls from liberals for "bipartisan fairness" will be ignored for
the crapspeak they are. Compromising with liberals is like handing a
condom to a rapist. You may be trying to make the best of things, but
you know damn well you're still in for a merciless screwing.

"I've got a few more ideas," said Nubbin. "If George shows any
interest we may have ourselves a winner. If not, I guess it's just
more of the same old crapspeak from a brand new Muckspout."

Y'all take care now, hear.

Next
to advance to the next article, or
Previous
to return to the previous article, or
Table of Contents
to return to The Libertarian Enterprise, Number 105, January 15, 2001.