Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
4579

Special Dog
One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says: "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed."
The man replies: "This is a special dog. Turn on the Detroit Lions game and you'll see."
The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turns on the game.
The guy says: "Watch. Whenever the Lions score, my dog does flips."
The Lions keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Lions actually win?" the bartender asks.
"I don't know,” the man replies. "I've only had him for seven years." Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
4580

Fred’s Dead
The grieving widow goes to her local newspaper to submit an obituary. The man behind the counter tells her it will cost $5.00 per word. She thinks for a moment and says: "Fred's dead."
The man then informs her there is a five word minimum.
"OK," she says: "Fred's dead; Buick for sale." Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
4581

Big Paws
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I would like a bourbon and..................................... a coke."
The bartender says: "What's up with the big pause?"
"I don't know," the bear says. "I've had them all my life" Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
4582

Using the Backdoor
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
"Do you enjoy it?" the Doctor asked.
"I do," she replied.
"Does it hurt you?" the Doctor inquired.
"No, it doesn’t" she said.
The Doctor then told her: "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified. She asked: "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
"Of course," the Doctor replied. "Where do you think lawyers come from?" Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
4583

Health Problems
Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The 70-year-old said: "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out."
"Heck, that's nothing," said the 80-year-old: "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible."
The 90-year-old said: "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is I don't wake up till 11:00."
Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
4584

Chocolate Chip Cookies
An old man is lying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly notices the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulls himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.
There, the old man's wife is baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reaches for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacks him across the back of his hand.
"Leave them alone," she exclaims: "They're for the funeral!" Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
4585

A Blonde Walks into a Library
A blonde walks into a library and says: "Can I have a burger and fries?"
The librarian says: "I'm sorry, this is a library."
"I'm sorry," the blonde whispers: "Can I have a burger and fries?" Ryan Murphy