NFL Fashion: The Refined, Nostalgic And Utterly Outrageous

Pregame entrances and postgame platforms have become familiar places for NFL players to showcase their endless arsenal of fashion and, in turn, expand that all-important “personal brand.” Ya’ know, because #branding.

Da’Norris Searcy Instagram

The majority of NFL fans probably view postgame interviews as a laughable waste of time where players and coaches alike shout out ridiculously cliche answers to equally cliche questions. And that’s mostly true. To be honest, I completely get it. They just wanna get the hell out of there and kick up their feet.

But as we’ve all learned, those spirited gatherings with the media — especially ones featuring the always polarizing Cam Newton — have become quite the colorful circus and a ripe opportunity for guys to convey their fashion feel; or complete and utter lack of one.

Remember that time Cam wore an item from each of his teammates to seemingly convey team unity?

via The Comeback

Just look at that expression. Never, ever forget.

MISSING IN ACTION

The Week 10 BYE robbed us of the Ravens, Chiefs, Raiders, and Eagles.

So what did that really mean? No Travis Kelce. And that’s a shame. A damn shame.

via Instagram

Also missing was an enormous version of the great Brother Mouzone, as seen right behind Kelce.

For those who did take the field Sunday, these are their stories…

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Russell Wilson

via Seahawks.com

Russ lookin’ smooth in a finely tailored suit and pulling the old “fake nose scratch/check out my watch” trick.

Sign of a true veteran.

Marcus Mariota

via Titan Twitter

Extremely happy to report that Marcus Mariota’s “Movember” mustache is making pretty decent progress and his enthusiasm is downright magnetic.

Ben Roethlisberger

via Steelers.com

Wait, Big Ben in a full suit — complete with pocket square and tie clip — a god damn scarf that aptly complements the jacket, and a bright smile?

Had he thrown in a fancy wooden pipe we’d have swarms of media asking when he swapped personalities with a thoughtful, engaging history professor.

Where the hell am I?

Tom Brady

via Patriots.com

Tom Brady in turtleneck mode usually means Tom Brady is in hired assassin, “I’m here to kill Bond” mode. In this case, he looks especially pleased with his work; as he should.

Now please go ahead and read all 3,000 “Can Anyone Beat The Patriots” articles that will be published today.

Case Keenum threw 4 TDs to lead the Vikings over the ‘Skins and here he is looking like he’s been slapped with several shocking allegations, with his lawyer nowhere to be found.

But the jacket fits great and I too lean ‘no tie’ when I can, so there’s that.

Dre Kirkpatrick

via Bengals Twitter

Before the Bengals took the field in Tennessee on Sunday, Dre Kirkpatrick took a quick pitstop to meet with every top designer in the world — mainly Gucci — to find the most comfortable flight attire possible.

Andy Dalton appears to be in such awe, he looks like he’s about to trip over his own two feet. [Spoiler Alert: Andy does that anyway.]

Eli Manning

via Giants Twitter

Eli’s demeanor reminds me of someone who has been forced to dress up for church and, to make matters worse, despite being 36-years-old has not been able muster up the courage to tell mom he no longer wants to go to church.

Double whammy.

Cole Beasley

via Dallas Cowboys Twitter

Cowboys receiver Cole Beasley has officially seized control of the “disheveled yet somehow together and fashionable” look.

It’s also highly difficult not to appreciate a player who retweets super important news, like when Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime in Waterboy to help the Mud Dogs win the Bourbon Bowl.

Come for Alfred Morris and his bow tie, stay for the two takeout containers, one of which was presumably to honor the suspended Zeke Elliot (or because Alfred Morris DGAF).

Touching stuff, I know.

Darron Lee

via Jets Instagram

Jets linebacker Darron Lee everything in sync, from the shades to the shirt to the jacket to the unobtrusive backpack straps, not to mention the “58” chain that made it very easy to figure it out who he was.

The one mystery that remains is why he had 103 different wristbands affixed to his back.

It’s always something with the Jets.

Von Miller

via Denver Broncos.com

You know the Broncos gave up 41 points when Von Miller ditches his usual over-the-top ensemble for something that says “better make this shit quick.”

Dwight Freeney

via Seahawks Instagram

Dwight Freeney rockin’ the retro Jordan 1s that go oh so perfectly with his outfit.

Some might say those Js are too shiny, and they’d be wrong.

Mitchell Trubisky

via Bears Twitter

Bears rookie QB Mitchell Trubisky, aka The Pretty Boy Assassin, always looks like he’s headed directly to his very first business dinner and has made sure he’s followed Forbes’ Top 10 steps to experiencing a successful one.

Step 1 should really be introducing yourself as anything but “Mitchell” or “Mitch” if you want to be taken seriously.

Blake Bortles

Honestly haven’t bothered to check in on Blake Bortles once this season because all he’s ever done the past three years is wear team apparel. And guess what?

The sizzling originality remains.

via Jaguars.com

Christ.

Dez Bryant

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If you’re ever going to wear a nice coat that has a hood and actually utilize the hood, this is the one.

Thomas Morstead

via Thomas Morstead Instagram

Saints punter Thomas Morstead his weekly insistence on the “groomsmen left on the cutting room floor” photo doesn’t get its fair due.

Because this most certainly doesn’t qualify as a classic “album cover” photo. This trio just doesn’t seem capable of dropping serious heat or any all-time ballads.

It never gets old. You gotta love that’s it all or nothing with BillyBoy. And when the journey is still in progress, chances are he’s gonna look like a guy watching a movie he absolutely did not choose to watch.

I also appreciate that Belichick is consistently team #NoUndershirt. High five, brother.

J.D. McKissic

https://medium.com/media/49302c8888e48c55dc10c98c7a9dedd1/href

Seahawks running back J.D. McKissic almost put it together, save for the giant Tetris pieces protruding from his pockets.

Pro Tip: If you’re gonna wear tight pants, lose the bricks.

Orlando Scandrick

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I don’t care how many famous people do it nor do I care if the world’s most renowned fashion guru wholeheartedly approves, the extra short pants — on a suit of all things — is dumber than Ralph Wiggum on his very worst day.

In what will almost definitely Blaine Gabbert’s lone appearance here, feel free to click this video at your own risk. [Yes, he lost the Cardinals QB competition]

For a 4–5 team, the Cardinals still manage to have more fun than almost anyone else.

Previously: NFL Fashion: The Impressive Showings And The ‘Not So Much’-Week 8

Previously: NFL Fashion: Amazing Highs & Embarrassing Lows, Weeks 6–7

Previously: NFL Fashion: Lofty Highs & Hilarious Highs, Weeks 4–5

Previously: NFL Fashion: Mighty Highs & Tragic Lows Through Week 3

NFL Fashion: The Refined, Nostalgic And Utterly Outrageous was originally published in The Outside Game on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.