Author: pukedkittens

Hey /b/ today my sister said she’d have sex with me so I decided to let trips decide yes or no. I’ll send you timestamped tits if it gets to 50 without trips, and decide yes if it gets to 100. Also, I’ll do it on cam while wearing a shoe on my head and a sharpie in the pooper.

I’ve included an image of a camwhore and hope you reply with over 9,000 ponies, spidermans, furries, cats, hank hills, boxxys, chloes, and timestamped self-shots from very young women.

If you have any pics of your girlfriend’s I’ve got Photoshop running and will bubble them on demand.

Also, if they are good material for an x-ray I’ll do that too.

But that’s not all!

The last thread here got removed before I was able to deliver so here is the video I promised.

What’s with all the stories?

Chronicle.SU used to be way better, like back in August 2008 before you started writing again. Please stop writing. Articles are killing the Chronicle.

Seems like every day, almost twice a day, there’s something to read about here, some fake-ass news story with jokes and humor in it. You know what? Maybe I don’t want to read anything. Maybe I’d rather F5 this shit all day and see nothing, just the same old fucking Books Are Dangerous advertisements.

You know what else, I really don’t understand you. Why do you write? What do you hope to achieve? What is the Lebal Drocer mission statement? They’re a chemical company, right, so what are they doing in the publishing business? You sicken me. Oh, by the way, Washington finally reached a debt agreement. Enjoy your continued tax breaks while I quietly accept cuts to my children’s education and medicare. Fucken scum.

You faggots need to go back to your roots and quit all this. I thought you used to get high all the time, prank-call Wal-Marts, drank yourselves into week-long stupors, and got mad underage puss on the reg. What happened to you? What the fuck happened to you?

Listen, I can’t tell you what to do. But I can tell you this: Ain’t nobody likes to read as much as you guys been writing. The average reader needs a lot of pictures. Hell, I prefer nothing but pictures. In fact, I wouldn’t be at all upset if the Chronicle gradually shifted completely to the use of pictures without words to tell their stories, and maybe just used faces to make me feel emotions I wouldn’t otherwise relate to such as weariness, joy, gratification and rage. Like Reddit does!

If I was you, which I am, I’d just scrap this site altogether, man. Cats are funnier. Cats are damn funny. Look.

Hilarious.

Piss on ya. Start a cat blog.

Everything is shit! Cyberterrorists! All of you contribute to the decay of this Earth. You are poison! Venomous, reviled internet pigs of war on Christianity, peace and the Lord’s good name be damned if you don’t change your ways and quit altering history the way you are! IF you seek salvation, repentnow! And if not, I hope you all rot in hell on fire forever as you suffer the unlimited lifetimes of heat and brimstone, flames kissing your asses, just like your fucken heathen-ass fans do now. Like you deserve, or don’t – or whichever, shit hell I’m all turned around.

Today I logged onto my Facebook and was pleasantly surprised to see that Facebook chat was updated. Instead of a small scrolling menu, it’s now a larger permanent menu. Wow, was I happy to see this earth shattering improvement. I can’t believe so many people are upset that Facebook just got way better.

I am just glad to see that all these ads are helping pay for improvements in Facebook. The ads don’t bother me one bit, especially when they pick through my personal information and target me with goods and services that I want really badly. I’m glad that Facebook does this because they don’t waste my time with Penis enlargement spam. LOL. They must know not to use these ads because I talk about how big my dick is all the time on Facebook chat.

What I don’t get is why everyone hates the new chat so much. It calculates who I send the most messages to and puts them in a hierarchical order based on how much I like each person. It puts all the pretty girls on the top, LOL.

It was a dry day on the motherboard when Frosty, the malignant wizard of the west coast appeared with Magic: The Gathering cards of wisdom.

He opened his robe methodically revealing full frontal nudity to the Elves. He showed them there is no way other than his own, as he exposed his mechanical penis which unfurled into a tentacle hose and proceeded to fuck the nearest child-elf from where he stood.

Pneumatically, he pumped and surged his pulsating hentai-cock of hate into the elf as he realized its striking resemblance to himself. Actually, it was his daughter.

For Frosty hath fucked more than a handful of elves on a drunken night out, in the days of Elven Wax and cloven hooves which stamped upon the two-sided face of liberty under a downpour of alcohol, bile and piss. Yes, beneath many moons, he did rape religiously.

Tossing his daughter to the ground, Frosty was no longer thirsty for sexual assault.

He then proceeded to peddle worthless Magic cards to the bustling Elf community, among whom he is still revered to this day for his propensity to give away too many free cards, even in spite of his bottomless hunger for rape, which seemed to never end.

“Fwosty,” a small boy tugged at his robe. “Fwosty, won’t you sing fow us?”

Frosty was a magical singer but today he was in no mood. He handed him a Black Lotus without telling him it was fake. The boy was ecstatic and immediately went home to finger his sister in celebratory ecstasy.

Just at that moment, Frosty began to feel disgust with his life of trading card games and unabashed rape. His cock formed into a pistol and reeled out of his tan Big Lebowski robe to jam itself instinctively into his mouth. Being unlike any normal gun, Frosty the Wizard performed autofellatio in the town square for at least 45 minutes, before townsmen arrived, with the jesters and even the Elf King and Queen who all received news of a powerful wizard giving himself a blowjob, sucking what appeared to be a .45 calibur handgun.

He ejaculated a three-round burst of gunfire into his own brainstem and was promptly cleaned up by Waste Management, who exist on the Internet, too.

I have created a group called (Sadists) Anonymous, which is designed to let sadists vent their urge to cause others harm. We sadists love to harm people’s personal lives because otherwise we would have no power over anyone.

Oh, don’t worry, we rationalize our sadistic acts so that all members can feel justified in hurting others. It’s comparable to how serial killers target hookers and the homeless. We here at Anonymous just like to hurt people, that’s all. When it comes right down to it, we don’t really care if they’re innocent or not. So long as we get the feeling of power over somebody else, we feel justified.

We also use public opinion to help in our efforts at rationalizing our sadism. For instance, when public opinion of Sony became low enough, we decided to harm the personal lives of their executives. Nothing like seeing someone important in pain. We are judge, jury, and doxecutioner.

Sometimes, we accidentally go after someone who is more sadistic than we are. We hold these people up as examples of how justified our hateful nature truly is. Nothing like making an example of a sadist to justify acts of hatred.

We look forward to recreating the world in our own image through threats and violence. We don’t frown upon images of tortured people or dead kittens. This only helps to fuel our progress.