A Ranking Of Sports By Their Likeliness To Earn You A Bid If You Played Them In High School

Not a single active has ever given a shit when a rushee talks about how he was the varsity starting small forward for four years while simultaneously being recruited by every single SEC school to play QB1 before he blew out his knee. That being said, I still want to hear that rushees played sports in high school. Here’s my ranking of how impressed I am by your prowess in said sports.

10. Track & Field/Cross Country

I’m sure that you have great cardio and you’re probably in better shape than me, but I’m still not feeling your athletic prowess.

9. Swimming/Water Polo

Kind of the same as track & field. You’re probably in good shape, and you wore like a weird, tight uniform in high school which you think is cool for some reason. Don’t really care, but okay. The thing is, every water polo player I have ever met has a superiority complex.

“We scratch and fight for the ball in water polo. It’s really tough!”

That might all be true, but I could definitely beat you in a fight. So calm down.

8. Tennis

“Oh, okay. That’s cool” is the response you can expect every time you tell someone that you played high school tennis. No one really cares about professional tennis, so I am not being knocked out of my Sperrys because a rushee played it against 14-year-olds his senior year.

7. Soccer

Were you just, like, the best at soccer when you were five, and you thought I’mma just keep this shit going? This is America. Soccer isn’t the worst sport, but it definitely wouldn’t have been the worst thing for you to have picked a different sport. It’s fine for rushees to mention playing soccer, but they should never make it the biggest part of the conversation.

6. Wrestling

High school wrestlers are usually meatheads, but respected meatheads. No active is going to dock you points for being a wrestler, but they probably won’t freak out with excitement.

5. Golf

TFM.

4. Baseball

No one will have a problem with you playing baseball. Kids on the baseball team were usually pretty chill, and partying with the baseball team was never a bad time.

3. Basketball

Being on the basketball team is like being on the baseball team, but better. Your sport was more interesting to watch, and you probably have more athleticism than the average baseball player (which will come in handy for intramurals).

2. Lacrosse

Arguably the frattest sport, the average lacrosse player has what most fraternities are looking for in a potential new member: the flow, athletic ability, and chill. What more could someone ask for?

1. Football

Could there have been any other number one? Football players were the kings in high school, and they will translate well into any fraternity house. They have the athletics to win the Greek Cup, the charisma they learned from being some of the most popular kids in school, and that sense of entitlement that is oh-so-fun to break during pledgeship..

Kid, I am a member of three of the oldest and most prestigious country clubs in the south and can get a tee time anytime I want. I choose not to because golf is for pussies, but still just know your broke bitch ass could never afford or be allowed at any of them