Friday, May 14, 2010

Eek!

I'm supposed to go hiking with my mom and her friends and my sister tomorrow, and I packed a tank top and shorts. Those were the ONLY clothes I packed.

I forgot that I still have bruises on my shoulders and thighs! Augh!

I guess I just, um, ran into a door and fell down the stairs. Oh well. I might look like a weirdo, but I don't think any non-kinky person would guess I was a SEX weirdo just because I look like I was in a tumble dryer full of rocks.

9 comments:

ah! i know what youre feeling! i work as a stripper but my parents think i have an office job...so i hide whatever bruises i get from dancing whenever i vist them. today i had to wear a dress for an event and my mom couldnt figure out why i wanted to wear black stockings in hot weather.

If your mom or sister seems to be thinking that you're being abused, you should tell them the truth in private to allay their fears. This would also let you clear up your mom's confusion about your sexual orientation. As you live on your own, I don't see how bad the consequences of telling them could be unless there's a chance they'll disown you.

@anonymous: you'd be very surprised how out-of-the-blue that whole flipping a shit/disowning thing can come. my parents are liberal, non-religious children of the super-permissive seventies who talk frankly about sex to their kids (like in an educational way, not in a "honey, you almost wrenched my hip last night" way. ew.) and when I came out to them about being kinky and queer, they stopped talking to me and cut off my college tuition (we've since made up to a degree, but it took awhile and a lot of accepting the whole "they're not gonna apologize" thing). and i came out to them to avoid exactly the kind of awkward situation that Holly may be in. Not that everyone's parents will react that way. You just never know though--people get weird about sex and their children. especially weird sex. Up until that point, "I'm really clumsy" worked pretty darn well (because yeah, spanking makes a really specific kind of bruise, but no one but fellow perverts would really know that)...it helped that i really am really clumsy. Holly, I think you're right on with the play-it-cool-no-one-is-gonna-assume-the-truth attitude. And since you don't have a long-term partner right now, it should be pretty easy to dispense with any worries about abuse. Good luck!

My mother is very, very pushy about knowing where I've been, what I'm doing, etc. and tends to go crazy if I deny her. (She lives with me due to significant physical and mental problems. She's also the main reason why I have very little time or opportunity to interact with others.) At the same time, she does not want to hear or think about me doing anything even remotely adult-related aside from making money and paying our bills. Despite the fact that I'm in my 30s, and far more careful and responsible than she ever was about anything. It was mildly amusing for awhile watching her slightly deranged indignation fits on the rare occasions (maybe 3 times every 2 years these days, much less often in the past) that I was able to go out and do, well, just about anything fun. But after awhile it just got tiresome and I now resort to creative editing.

Hedone - Yeek. I tried fake-tan once and it looked ridiculous on me, I'm naturally pale with freckles and a tan looks about as real on me as a wig on a turtle.

Anon 2 and Leigh Olivia - My family is capable of enforcing a fascinating variety of hardships. Disownment probably isn't a risk, but endless screaming and nagging and attempts to get me into therapy and demands that I change my entire lifestyle immediately and if I don't it's proof that I hate them--these are very real risks, and will go on for years.

Not Me - I know she's your mom and all, but have you ever seriously considered kicking her to the curb? Seriously. If she's good enough at manipulation to make your life this hellish, she'll be able to find herself somewhere else, she won't just die on the street. Get your own place and your own life before she's 95 and you're 70 and you're still doing this crap.

this is Anon 1. I'm learning pole tricks. you can get all sorts of bruises when you begin learning, especially if you are clumsy. sliding down backwards or swinging your body around a pole can result in all kinds of marks.

to Not Me- i had a friend in this situation who had to drop out of college to pay his mom's rent after she got fired. its really a brave and caring gesture to put your life aside for someone else, but there's got to be a point where you can change something for yourself.

Anyway, not so much "manipulative", more like "relentlessly obstinate". That is, unless her master plan is to utterly fail at everything and piss off everybody in the world (including the rest of her children) in order to have me all to herself. That's kind of doubtful. I think it's more likely that she's someone who would rather burn all her bridges than suffer even the slightest short-term distress. I just happened to be the one left holding the bag when she ran out of bridges.

Hopefully I won't have to deal with her directly too much longer, though. Currently she's on another "life mission", a grand plan which "can't possibly fail" to get her a better life. If she manages to make it halfway through, that point will involve moving out to another state on her own, at which time I plan to change my life so drastically that there's no going back to the way things were regardless of what happens next.

If she fails to get even that far, well, she's reacted worse and worse each time a "life mission" crashed. By this point there's a good chance she'll go catatonic and I can hand her off to a mental ward or something. Or if I'm really lucky, suicide. (Yes, I'm that bitter.)

Anon#1: I'd been trying to turn her into something resembling a fully functioning human being since I was a teenager, but eventually it became just the way things were. Dunno if that counts as "courage".