Millennials and Valentine’s Day

These days millennials are getting involved in serious relationships later and less often. With the rise of social media, dating apps, and increased gender equality, millennials are less likely to follow the romantic scripts that we see in other generations and popular media. Many often stray away from labels and are less eager for exclusivity; they are more accepting of nontraditional relationships with a free flow structure. Relationships vary amongst the 18 to 34 year olds, falling anywhere along a continuum of relational descriptions: casual hookups, friends-with-benefits, monogamous dating, non-monogamous couple, couple living together (either with a monogamy agreement or a non-monogamy agreement), or legal monogamous/non-monogamous marriage. So, how do millennials celebrate Valentine’s Day? The answer may surprise you.

According to the latest statistics, millennials are expected to spend an average of $290 each this Valentine’s Day. That is almost $100 more than the average expected cost of the holiday amongst other generations. Despite 58% of millennials believing that the holiday is overrated, 56% of them have plans to celebrate. They’re not just spending money, they also have other plans. According to a recent study, 73% percent of young Americans plan on having sex this February 14th. Champagne glasses and rose petals for celebrating Valentines Day, on dark background What I have found in my work as a sex therapist and sex coach is that one partner may have it in his/her mind that certain sexual activities will be part of the Valentine’s Day date while the other may not. And they’ve never alluded to the difference in their expectations. Not smart. It’s better for one’s relationship and V-Day date to give a heads up to your date (or if you’re in a triad, dates) about what kind of sexual scenario you’re hoping to have to see if you’re on the same page. Don’t expect alcohol to do your seduction for you because you may regret it, or not remember it in the morning. Too much alcohol may also cause a boundary crossing that is actually illegal (while several of my clients have been in this situation in the past, they do not label it as rape, although it technically is since they let their partner know they did not want to have intercourse and the partner drunkenly penetrated them or did another behavior that was not agreed to). I will discuss this in an upcoming blog.

Back to millennials and their generous outlay of cash on V-Day, what is that about? Could it be that younger adults are trying to impress their partners with fancier, more extravagant dinners and flowers?
Another explanation might be that this generation generally finds the holiday less romantic than others and chooses to spread the love amongst friends, family and coworkers as well. It is seen as a day of love for all of the important people in their lives, not just a romantic partner. They may not buy into the love in the holiday, but they do love buying gifts for everyone. In fact, the average 25-36 year old spends over $40 on their pet for the holiday.

Millennials have been brought up with the internet as part of their everyday life and with it the ease with which to purchase all sorts of things. In fact, the research reveals that a millennial “not only highly values experiences, but they are increasingly spending time and money on them”, rather than the traditional gift or object. So perhaps a Valentine’s Day trip to the beach over a pair of pearl earrings feels a lot more inviting and ultimately erotic. I think it’s important to note that while V-Day has a lot of hype and commercialism built into it, it’s also a time where lovers spend energy planning, anticipating and savoring the day. These are all important keys to attaining and retaining Sex Esteem® throughout a long-term relationship. Many long term couples do not spend the time and effort when planning dates or fun adventures to keep their erotic energy stoked.

In addition to V-Day, the newish Singles Awareness Day offers those millennials without a partner to spread the love and feel joyous as well. Similar to China’s uber commercial Singles Day, the holiday gives single men and women a day to practice self love, enjoy the day with friends, rather than wallowing in the media driven “single life pity”. Some spend the day treating themselves with a mani-pedi, and others grab a group of friends and go out. Either way, millennials have made the holiday into something enjoyable for all involved.

My advice to those of you who are heading out for the night on either Valentine’s Day or Singles Awareness Day, is to think about the love you’re hoping to express and receive and plan accordingly. Let the other(s) know what you want to do, what you want to spend, and how much you want to drink. Think about your sexual menu and decide the limits you’d like to set (and yes, even for those that have a very long sexual menu, there are always some things they do NOT want to do) or establish a safe word. Have a fun, safe Valentine’s Day with those you have chosen to share some love! And think about how you want to bring these sexual ideas into the rest of the 364 days of your year. >

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