Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Happy Tuesday Readers. Say, If you were to stop a group of people on the street in Middle America and ask them to name a Seattle Father and Son tandem, what do you think their response would be?

Do you think some would respond by naming these two houseboat owners?
﻿

"You look tired"

﻿
Probably, but if you stared blankly at them, waiting for a better response, they may think harder....and chances are they might come up with this other well known father and son pair.
﻿

I built this city...I built this city on Rock and Roll. And Windows.

Of course, some of them might even be big martial arts and film fans, knowing enough history to also toss out this late dynamic duo as having deep Seattle ties....

Enter the original famous Seattledad

Some would most likely be sports fans, so give them a couple minutes and they would most certainly be able to name perhaps the greatest father and son combo in the history of professional sports...

"Let's go back to back son"

There is even a possibility, a few might have visited the Seattle Waterfront (perhaps as jumping off point for an Alaskan cruise) and have strolled through the Olympic Sculpture Park. Those might be able to recall this newly iconic duo...
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"I said no treats until after you've finished showering!"

﻿But there is at least one other Seattle father and son team who they won't know, and unless the son goes on to great things, will never know anything about.
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Not so famous Seattle Father and Son

﻿﻿﻿﻿But that's okay. Along with Mrs. LIAYF, they are already extremely wealthy where it matters most.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I certainly don't want to jinx things with the title I chose for this post, but for the first time I have a solid feeling that the last diaper we change for Lukas is lurking out there somewhere. That it will actually happen. This is opposed to Mrs. LIAYF or I changing him out of his teen Huggies before sending him off to morning calculus class - which a couple of years ago seemed like a plausible scenario while we changed diaper after diaper...after diaper.

I have no plans to stand on my porch holding a cardboard sign that reads 'Mission Accomplished!' And I don't want this post to serve as a digital version of that either. I am just speculating, based on recent developments.

Save for naps and night time sleep Lukas has been in underwear for well over a year now. It was a real struggle back then as we literally had to take him to the bathroom every 30 minutes to make sure that he didn't wet himself. Even with those measures, we had to change clothes often in the early days. And, even though he started to stay dry most of the day into these past Summer months, when we sent him back to his pre-school in August the change in routine caused a bit of a backslide.

But recently our son has been stellar in his bathroom habits. He has stayed dry nearly every day and the only recent accident he had was during our crazy snow ordeal last week. And who could blame him for that? Additionally his pull up diaper has been dry 9 times out of 10 recently when he wakes from his nap, and it has been some time since his morning diaper has been fouled by anything other than dampness. Plus, there have even been a few recent occasions on the weekend mornings where, lying in bed we have listened as he has awoken and gone first to the bathroom before coming to our room to snuggle.

Dare I say that the whole changing routine has become easy? That these are the diaper days that we could only dream of 3 years ago? What the heck. Yes, I will say it with conviction. Even if some cosmic force wants to teach me a lesson, and an extra messy crap explosion is in my near future.

This is parenting, not baseball. I'm not superstitious. And besides, I have dealt with a lot of poop in my day. I could handle that.

So, time will tell. But I've gotta say, I have a good feeling about this one. Good enough that I huddled up with Mrs. LIAYF at nap-time today and we decided that we would leave Lukas in underwear for his mid-day sleep. He was excited about it. That's where he is as I write this post.

So far so good. Yes, the end is nigh.

P.S. It turned out to be a 1 1/2 hour nap and he woke up dry to much praise. He grinned from ear to ear.

Friday, November 26, 2010

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Happy Friday all. I hope all of my fellow American readers had a fantastic Thanksgiving yesterday, filled with delicious food and stimulating conversation. We certainly did. Lukas initially wasn't too hungry when we sat down to eat, so didn't get the full benefit of the feast which was laid out before us, but later he ate healthy amounts of turkey and, my personal favorite, stuffing. Thankfully my mother, who always sends us home full and in a food coma, cooked two birds so that there would be plenty left over for everyone to take home.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. After all, how can you go wrong with a holiday centered around stuffing yourself to capacity with a plethora of delicious and fatty foods. And that was merely the main course. Later, a ferocious battle took place in my mother's kitchen. It was between my will power and pie.

Yes, I fought the pie - and the pie won. I couldn't help it. There were all nine kinds of pie that SeattleDad liked best. Have you ever see those baseball players with the shaving cream pie in their face? That was me, but with pecan instead, and without the aid of someone shoving it there for me.

I survived, but that means that today I have been walking around with the top button on my jeans unsnapped. Not to worry though, my wingmen Belt and Sweater have my back. I mean my front....and my back. You get the picture. It's time to do more thinking about getting back in shape. You see I am a planner so that's easy. It's the implementation I could use some work on.

Later, after we had driven home and put Lukas to bed for the evening, Mrs. LIAYF and I finished out our Thanksgiving by watching the movie Kick Ass. Although it may strike a blow to any geek cred I may have garnered, I will admit that I have never been a huge fan of super hero/comic book movies. Most don't do much for me. Add to that the fact that this movie glorifies gratuitous violence, especially from an 11-year-old girl, and one might conclude that I wouldn't like this particular movie. Well, sorry one you are wrong, because this movie lived up to it's name. It was a Kick Ass movie with a terrific blend of humor, geek, action, and yes - violence. Unlike many in the genre, it worked.

That brings us to today, Black Friday. I, like almost everyone I know, usually ventures out to check out the deals on the day after Thanksgiving. But for us, this year was different. Besides some basic clothing items (socks) which weren't even on sale, the only thing we really needed was an item that thankfully could be found at a minimal price today.

I am thinking of getting a T-Shirt printed that reads 'I shopped on Black Friday, and the only thing I have to show for it is this stupid Blue Tooth'. Sure we could have used a brand new HDTV, or an upgraded camera or laptop. But we really didn't need those things, even though seeing them and all the other fancy products nearly sucked us in, so I just picked up the blue tooth. It's against the law to talk on your cell and drive here in Seattle so I have been using my current phones speaker capacity for the past few months. The Blue Tooth I needed, everything else not so much.

Plus, in these tough economic times it is a great idea to make use of what you already have. To cinch your belt.

Even when it's especially difficult after losing an epic battle with pie.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The announcement came to me at about 2PM on Monday. Due to inclement conditions my work was closing at 3:00. Perfect, I thought. That should give me enough time to pick up Lukas and drive him the 7 miles home while it was still light out. Perhaps we could even make a foray out into the snow with the brand new sled I had purchased the day before.

But by 3:00 it was snowing big flakes and the traffic outside Lukas' daycare was already creeping along. I prepared myself for a longer than normal commute. Little did I know how much longer than normal we would be dealing with.

When all was said and done, Lukas and I has spent 4 1/2 hours driving those 7 miles home. Much of it was spent frustratingly unaware of when or if we were going to move. Luckily I had a fully charged i-pod with some kids videos loaded, and enough snacks to keep Lukas occupied for a while. What I didn't have was any kind of diaper or change of clothes.

At one point, after moving no more than a few car lengths in a couple of hours and with the radio reports indicating that the bridge we were moving towards was a sheet of ice and blocked by a jackknifed bus, I considered pulling the car to a safe spot and walking. After all, people all around us were beginning to abandon their cars to instead brave the elements and walk towards the bridge and the hill beyond. But by that time the sun had already gone down, the skies were dark, and the wind was gusting up to 25mph blowing the snow sideways.

I decided to stick it out in the safety of the car for a while longer. This was not an easy decision as our gas level was nearing the crucial stage. I began to turn off the car to save fuel, starting up again only when we were able to move a length or two. As we inched towards the sheet of ice that was now the bridge, a 16 wheeler merged in and cut us off. This meant that it would attempt to ascend the bridge directly in front of us. This was not a good development.

Once to the bridge, and as the big rig made it about 3/4 of the way up the slope it stopped. It then gunned its gas and its wheels began to spin wildly. There were moments when I was sure it was going to stop and roll back towards us, but instead, ever so slowly the truck began inching its way to the top. I contemplated attempting to go around, but coming down the opposite way, with no barrier, were another line of vehicles. One started to slide sideways towards us, but thankfully slid the other direction into the outer barrier.

All of this time, I kept my car in low gear and tried not to brake, slowly making my way up the hill and hoping the Semi would not stop and block me. At the same time an older guy in a pickup truck was behind me spinning his wheels. He actually pulled up on my right but was blocked in by the outer barrier and the big rig. He stopped, jumped out, and opened his hood. I saw sparks and flames come out from his hood but could do nothing for him so I soldiered slowly on.

It was a pretty harrowing experience, but after about a half an hour on the bridge the Semi made it over the top and we were able to take an exit into our part of town. The only problem was that we were still at the bottom of a very steep hill that we surely couldn't crest with the icy conditions. So, we made an approximately 5 mile circle around the hill, trying to avoid anything too steep. Unfortunately Seattle is full of hills and I finally had to attempt descending one to make it the final couple of miles home.

As I came over the fairly steep hill, I saw that a bus had jackknifed a couple of blocks down. I tried to slow down by pumping on the brakes, but started sliding myself. It was at that very moment that Lukas looked up and announced that he had to pee and couldn't hold it. I then went sideways but was able to straighten myself out at the next cross street and drive up onto a sidewalk next to a tree stopping me. After making sure we weren't going anywhere, I pulled Lukas out in the gusting wind, standing in the abandoned street and pulled down his pants. It was too late, but instead he screamed as his buns instantly felt the cold chill.

Finally, after getting him securely back into the car, I drove down another icy side street, sliding down but missing a parked car at the bottom. From there it was another 5 minutes of relatively flat driving before we pulled in front of our house 4 and a half hours after our adventure began.

Mrs. LIAYF, who during our ordeal could do nothing more than worry about us and provide moral support over the phone, was waiting there with warm dinner and freshly baked cookies. It was only then that I could take a deep breath, unclench my jaw, pour a glass of wine, and be thankful that we had made it home safe.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Howdy readers. Do you remember the fist time that you played a gross out game with kids? Wasn't it a lot of fun?

Last night after dinner, Lukas wanted some cereal to top things off before bed. Problem was, Mrs. LIAYF had put milk on his cereal. Sure, he usually eats his cereal with milk, but apparently this time he wanted it dry. So, when she held up a spoonful of Chex swimming in milk, he made a classic pucker face.

"You look like you just ate a Slug!" Mrs. LIAYF chided him. "I once had a kitty who ate a Slug and his face looked just like that" I quickly added "Mmmm, I love Slug." These revelations brought on a snort of laughter, and grudging acceptance of the now soggy wheat squares.

It also touched off a case of one upsmanship on gross things we would Loooovvvveee to eat. Among the flavorful dishes we called off were some fairly disgusting fare such as:

By this time we were having a pretty fun time thinking up new gross dishes that we thought were so yummy. It probably would have been a good idea for me to survey the situation more closely before calling out my gross dishes though. That's because just as Mrs. LIAYF was shoveling a spoonful of cereal into Lukas' mouth, I called out "Dirty Diaper Cake!" causing him to spit said milk and cereal all over his mother as laughter burst forth from his little mouth.

Sorry Sweets, I couldn't help myself.

As would be expected of a 3-year-old, most of Lukas' entries in the game were variations on something gross that his mother or I had just said, such as repeating Spider Yogurt before busting out laughing at himself.

But, just as I was about to declare myself the undisputed winner and gross out champion for the evening, Lukas tossed out his ace in the hole. I was totally caught off guard. He must have been sand-bagging the whole time.

"Swiss Cheese Clown!"

Ewwwww! Holey Clown Cheese! There was no way we were going to top that.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Happy Tuesday readers. I haven't Tweetcycled here since the beginning of the Summer, but in honor of yesterday's National Recycle Day I thought another edition would be timely, especially since I am usually a day late on most things anyway.

This is the series where I give some of my little used humor tweets a second chance at life. You can read the first three installments here I,II,III.

Personally, we are big into recycling of all kinds here at Casa LIAYF. If you are looking for more information about recycling options in your area, a good place to start would be the National Recycling Coalition's homepage.

As for these tweets, most are barely used and in decent condition.

To show off my strength, I plan to print off the homepage of phonebook.com and rip it in half with my bare hands.

Future conversation. Me: Tell me! Where did you learn this stuff! Him: ...From you! I learned to act like a goofball from YOU, okay.

Someone brought a Rum cake into the office. Having another piece. Pretty sure this is the closest I'll ever be to being Don Draper.

I just attended a healthy living fair at my work. They served cookies and brownies.

The Ghost of Coffee Future took me to the mirror this morning and showed me what I'd look like without caffeine and a shower. Scary.

Wife to 3yo: Only 2 cupcakes left, should we share with Daddy? Him: Yeah! You share yours with him, okay?

I'm an AC/DC parent. Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.

Your ass is grass and I'm an eco-conscious Seattle homeowner who will watch you slowly wither and die for lack of water.

I get a warm feeling from reading to my 3yo. Oh man, just realized he peed on me. Nice.

Excited. Wife searching online for a space mobile. Then she tells me it just hangs from the ceiling. #notasfun'Help me help you' has surprisingly little effect on a 3yo.I must be a blue chipper. The AARP scouts are once again recruiting me, even though I'm still years away from the show. (WheelofFortune)Already naming his tricks. Nearly 3yo coasting on balance bike -stretching legs out to side "I'm flinging the gate!"

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Lukas was visibly excited as we approached the large fountain during an outing Sunday morning.﻿ Most likely because we had spent nearly an hour at the very same location this past spring, tossing pebbles into it. The fountain in question resides in the entrance to a secluded walkway at an outdoor shopping area close to where we live.

Back in the Spring we had worried when we saw a security guard approach. Perhaps we had been busted. Caught red handed. I was fully prepared for a harsh interrogation. Instead, this Paul Blart had simply smiled and struck up a conversation. Apparently a dad playing with his toddler hadn't raised any suspicious red flags.

"Let's throw rocks in!" my now 3 year old little guy yelled as he sprinted over. But unfortunately, this time around, there were no pebbles to be found. "Looks like there aren't any rocks here buddy, but lets see what else I have available" I mentioned, as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of coins.

"Here's a penny you can throw in" I told Lukas and as I gave it to him he immediately cocked his arm to toss the copper coin in. Putting up the stop sign I then said "Hold on a second! This is also a wishing fountain. Do you know how it works?" He slowly shook his head from side to side.

I then told him to 'think of something he wanted more than anything in the whole world', then to say inside his head 'I wish I had....' while tossing the penny into the water.

A grin slowly rose towards his ears as thought about what it was he wanted more than anything else in the whole world. And then he tossed the penny into a high arc and as the coin splashed down into the water, he called out the one thing that he desired more than any other.

"Nice" I responded. "Can I do that again?" was his predictable reply.

I pulled out the coins once again, but there were no more pennies. A nickle would have to suffice. "Lukas, I am going to give you a nickle. Do you know how many pennies that equals?" After he correctly responded 5, I told him that he could then wish for the 5 things he wanted more than anything else. "Think hard" I implored him, all the while hoping that peace, happiness, and ever lasting health were among the riches that would populate our families future.

Again, he cocked his little arm and let the coin fly. And as it came spiraling down he called out with certainty....

"CANDY, CANDY, CANDY!!!"

Ah yes, ever since Halloween he has been a bit preoccupied with treats. But wait.... "That was only three wishes" I reminded him. "You still have two more."

"Oh!" And then, while trying to keep from laughing uncontrollably, he finished:

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I was on the phone with Mrs. LIAYF tonight when I got the news. It came to me via a Tweet in my Twitter stream. Dave Niehaus had passed away. My, Oh, My.

At first I was shocked, then deeply saddened. For those of you who aren't familiar with Dave, he has been the Seattle Mariners play by play announcer since the inception of the franchise way back in 1976. I was 9 then, when Seattle finally got a major league team. And just like they did this past year, the team stunk up the field year after year back then.

But that didn' matter. That's because Dave Niehaus was a true master at his craft. Day in and day out, with his enthusiasm and love for the game, he would turn a boring match-up into an event worth listening to. He was amazing at what he did, and I had the good fortune to grow up listening to him ply his skills.

Come to Seattle and you will hear it echoed wherever you go. This hall of fame announcer was like family. And he will be greatly missed. In fact, he may very well have been the most beloved figure in the history of Seattle sports.

As I soaked in the news, I started to read some of the stories online about his career and I found myself a bit overwhelmed. There have been few times in my life as an adult man that I have openly wept. This was one of them. They were not only tears of sadness, but happy tears remembering the amazing moments that are seared into the memory of my youth and young adulthood. Dave Niehuas delivered those memories to my radio or television screen in truly exciting and mesmerizing fashion.

As a father, I am more than a bit sad that I will not be able to now share future Dave Niehaus calls with Lukas. Hopefully I will get a chance to take him to see his exhibit in Cooperstown one day. But thanks to the wonders of technology, I will still be able to show him, and let him listen to, examples of how a Hall of Fame announcer brings the game to life.

This is probably his most iconic call, and one that always makes me a bit emotional.

Here are a few other famous plays in Mariner history that Niehaus made all the more special with his love for the game.-

Thanks to Mrs. LIAYF, for a recent birthday I was given a baseball with his autograph. It is one of my most cherished possessions. -

Thanks Dave. Fly, Fly, Away good sir. May you rest in peace. Your legend will certainly live on forever here in the Great Northwest.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Ever since we started our basement remodel a year and a half ago, our treadmill has been moved around down there, covered in dust or shoved into a closet. I can't tell you how psychologically difficult it has been to jump back onto it amidst the hectic demands of my life as a full time working parent. But yesterday, I did just that.

Baby steps. Wish me luck.

We have a 100 year old house. Not surprisingly some of the doors slightly stick, including the one into Lukas' room. To date this has actually served us well, discouraging him from leaving his room when he has been less than enthusiastic about going straight to sleep. But last night he wasn't about to let that deter him.

When we heard the gate at the top of the stairs squeak open, I headed up to tell him he needed to go back to bed. "I don't want tooooo!" was his response before disappearing. It was dark so my eyes were having trouble adjusting. All I saw was a streak of white from his stuffed panda whiz by followed closely by a slight breeze. I followed it only to have the streak of white instantly flash by me in the other direction. It was reminiscent of any number of creepy horror films. By the third pass, my eyes adjusted and I was able to catch up to him. We had a man to man about why he needed to go to bed, before sharing a couple bowls of cereal. Then he went to sleep.-
A lot of dads out in the Blogosphere are participating in Movember. They are growing Mustaches during the month to raise money to fight prostate cancer. Although I didn't get in on this movement from the outset, I did just donate to fellas over at Dad Centric who are participating as a team. It is for a great cause, and also tax deductible so if you can spare a few bucks, please consider making a donation.

In another development, I didn't shave 1/2 of my face this morning. Meaning, a goatee may be in my near future.

One of Lukas' best Friends will move to another state this week. We will miss the whole family as they have been very good friends to us. It will be interesting to see how he adjusts as I think it is finally sinking in that his buddy will not be around to visit. We (Mrs. LIAYF) bought a book of postcards, and pre-addressed half of them with our address. Hopefully, the exchange of mail will ease the loss.

And finally, with the advent of return of Daylight Savings Time, it is once again getting fairly dark in Seattle by the time I leave work. Add to that the cold temperatures, lack of natural light in my office, and ever present grey clouds and rain that are already setting in over my city, and I suspect that along with exercise (see above) I will need to healthy doses of laughter, smiles, and play time with my family to keep a positive outlook during the next few months.

Friday, November 5, 2010

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We needed quick thinking to create a distraction last night. It was 5:30 PM and Lukas, Mrs. LIAYF and I had just arrived home from work/pre-school. As a reward for having a good day at school, we had given him some jelly bellies on the ride home. Apparently, they met with his approval. "They have sprinkles!" he enthusiastically let us know.

However, any thought that the beans would appease his sweet tooth was wishful thinking. That's because as soon as he walked into the house Lukas turned into a Candy Zombie and walked with his arms outstretched toward the refrigerator, on top of which his candy jar resided, calling 'Caaaaannnnnndddddyyyyy'. I might be slightly misremembering but I'm sure you get the gist.

"Why don't we play a game instead?" Mrs. LIAYF suggested. "Maybe you can have another treat if you finish all your dinner. How about we play Candy Land?"

Now, I was skeptical about the notion that we could actually distract our son from pleading for candy by playing a confection themed board game with him, but I am frequently proven wrong these days, so I decided to play along. Literally. I was the Blue Gingerbread Man. Lukas, of course, chose the Red figure. His Mother, the Yellow.

It was a brand new game so we got the pleasure of removing the plastic and getting a whiff of that new game smell. The board even crackled as we opened it flat for the first time. We all brimmed with excitement as we got our first glimpses of the Lollipop Woods, Gumdrop Pass, and the Chocolate Swamp. I however, was bit disappointed when I learned that there was no Big Rock Candy Mountain in this particular version. I had brief visions of little streams of al key haul trickling down the rocks.

Mrs. LIAYF was in charge of shuffling the deck, which apparently she didn't do too well because upon drawing the 2nd card off the deck, yours truly pulled the Ice Cream Cone card moving me nearly to the end of the game on my very first draw.

So long Suckas!

From there it was an easy couple of draws until I reached the Candy Castle and declared myself King Kandy. Bwaahahahahaha. I briefly thought about collecting a candy tax from Lukas' Trick-or-Treat bowl, but feared an uprising.

To his credit, that didn't phase Lukas much. Especially since we started up a 2nd game right away. Plus, after a few mediocre draws by each of us it was he who was the beneficiary of a long jump up the board leaving both parents in his wake. He was now enjoying game. However his mood changed instantly when he got stuck on a pesky licorice square, causing him to lose a turn and for the reigning King Kandy to catch up quickly.

In retrospect it may have been my taunting that caused the wailing and the tears to flow. Perhaps I laid it on a teensy bit too thick.

Whatever the reason, we convinced our little guy that the game wasn't over and that we didn't know what would happen next. And fittingly, with his next draw the reigning King was humiliatingly forced back to the start of the game, leaving the usurper an unobstructed path straight into Candy Castle.

There were smiles. There were laughs. There were hugs. A new King was crowned.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Good afternoon readers. I'm hanging out over at Dad Revolution today talking about my attitude towards having kids, before having a child of my own. What was it? Here's a hint: I make a confession nearly 12 years after Mrs. LIAYF asked me a very important question.

Here is a sample:

I suspect like many readers, or wives of readers have done, just before she became Mrs. LIAYF, my lovely soon-to-be bride pulled me aside to have a talk with me. Yes, it was that talk.

“One last time honey” She began. “You are certain that you want to have kids? Because if you don’t, now is the time to let me know.” “Yes, of course I do.” I replied in a resolute manner, understanding that this was what she needed at the time. The stress from the impending wedding was weighing on her. She needed my solid support. That was nearly 12 years ago. But now, after all this time has passed, I have to finally come clean about something...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Things started promising with a repeated buzzing in my pants. However, they went south quickly once I unstraped my seat belt to pull my cell out of my pants pocket.

"Hi Honey" Mrs. LIAYF started off. We were both on our way home from downtown. She had Lukas with her. "I missed the turn off to the viaduct, and now I am stuck in bumper to bumper traffic." And then she threw in the kicker. "I need you to stop by the drug store. I am out of girly things."

"Come again?" I responded.

"You, know, girly things. I need them and am asking you if you will stop and pick them up for me."

Now, I consider myself a good husband and father, a modern man. But, I have to be honest, few things bother me more than being asked to pick up feminine products. The thought even crossed my mind that her birthday was now officially over.

"Uh......sure" I sort of grumbled. I may not like it, but I will always come to her aid. It was then that she started rattling on about absorbency, and wings and all sorts of things that made my mind effectively construct a sound proof box. "Yeah, I think I've got it, but I'll probably have to give you a call." I ended the call with 'that's just wrong' running a loop through my mind.

But hey, I love my wife more than my male pride so I pulled up to the store looking for a way to come out of the place with my dignity still in tact. But when I got to the aisle in question, the girl things she asked for were not obviously there in front of me. I stared at all the 'options', my notions of grabbing the items on the fly while still moving having been dashed.

I started to sweat a bit as a young mother holding a toddler passed by a couple of times making it obvious that she was waiting for me to leave before she stopped and made her selections. Partly because I was not finding what I was supposed to pick up and partly because I didn't want the mother to think I was an old creep hanging out in that aisle, I called Mrs. LIAYF and as the mother passed by said "I AM NOT FINDING WHAT YOU ASKED FOR" loud enough for her to hear me.

After that, with my wife's help, I was able to find what she needed. But then I realized that there was no way I was going up to the check out with just the feminine products. I needed cover items! But what did we need? Things started racing through my mind.

Beer? Chips?

I realized that those would not be the best combinations. But then I started to get better ideas. Overnight diapers and wipes. Ibuprofen. Mrs. LIAYF had also mentioned that we needed batteries. Those things would surely provide adequate cover.

In the end they did, but it probably didn't really matter as the clerk didn't even give me a second glance. It seems that no one really cares if a middle aged man is buying personal items for his wife.

Releived and arriving home the conquering warrior, I waited for Mrs. LIAYF (who had made it through traffic) to greet me as her savior. Her knight in shining armor. Instead I got a nice "Thank you" followed by "Lukas is on the potty. Can you go and wipe him?"

"Sure."

As I approached, he jumped on the toilet, smiled, and bent over in front of me. But as I reached for the paper I was, of course, greeted by an empty roll.