I'm a SAHM of three girls...for now. My first daughter is my Journalist: 9 going on 30. The twins are 4, off to PreK, and pushing every limit they can. Some moms are totally cut out for the stay at home life. Me? It varies on any given day. Staying sane is of primary importance, and this is one of my attempts at doing so! Please note: I only use my daughters’ initials in posts – who knows how long this stuff will be on the internet? Thank you for respecting my decision!!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Worst return policy ever!

So I decided to see if I could return these allergies. I mean, this is America, right? Land of returns and the customer is always right, right? Nothing ventured, nothing gained...

So I called Mother Nature:
*Ring ring*
"Mother Nature here."
"Oh, I expected a computer."
"No, honey, only organics here. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I'd like to return my allergies."
"OK...let me see here...hmm, well, according to your contract you have passed the point of no return."
"Wait? How long did I have to return these?"
"30 days from date of installation."
"30 days? But...I'd be only a month old."
"Oh, I know dear. I told God it wasn't a good plan. But He insisted...why don't I transfer you to His line? Hold, please."

*Heavenly choir muzac sings softly in the background*
"This is St. Peter."
"St. Peter? I - uh...oh. Umm, hi. I'd like to talk to someone about returning my allergies. You see, I don't think the policy is very fair. I have to return them after 30 days, but at a month old, I couldn't possibly make those decisions."
"I see your point. Let me check something. Now where did that scroll - ok, here we go. I see here you were given two very fine guardians. Your baptism, First Communion, Reconciliation...they are all in order. I - Oh, did you REALLY lie that many times?"
"Er - I don't...OK, wait, let's get back to my allergies. What does this mean?"
"Well, your parents filed all the forms, but I see no 'Nix Allergenis' form here, so I'm sorry, but you'll have to take it up with them."
"But...I mean...most 1 month olds don't even SHOW allergies. How can that be? It's a flawed system! There has to be a way to register a complaint."
"Absolutely! Let me transfer you to our complaint department."

OK, well, if this rests with my parents, let me talk with them...
"Hi, Mom. How's it going? Listen, I was talking with St Peter and Mother Nature, and it seems you had a chance to return my allergies in the first month of my life. Did you know anything about this?"
...Mom is silent..."Wait? What? We were told you were non-refundable. What are you talking about? Because believe me, there were times we wanted to return you. Do you remember the time you broke-"
"Mom!! Geez!! This isn't about that. I just want to know if you can file a form to return my allergies!"
"Let me talk with your father. If we were misinformed about your being returnable, we need to register a complaint..."
"No, Mom, you don't want to call" - *Click*

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About Me

I have three kids, a cat, and a wonderful husband whom I love! My activities include playing bassoon in a local band, participating in a multiples club, teaching PreK Sunday School, volunteering with the PTA at C's school, and teaching adult ESL with my church. In my former life I taught social studies to kids learning English as a second language, so now I volunteer with the ESOL program at C's school. I live in a house the size of a postage stamp - seriously, you could lick it and put it on a letter, but you'd probably have to add a few cents, since it's not a "Forever"...
I'm a blessed woman, but as the proverb warns, I lead an interesting life!