Well, here we are again, at that time of year when every patriotic American becomes an HBO subscriber so we can all watch Game of Thrones episodes together. We’ve spent the last few weeks peeking through our fingers at spoilers and then forcing ourselves to look away before we can get to the end of any speculation, so we approach Season 6 tonight with a pristine and unsullied mind.

That means we have no idea what to expect, but our imagination is aflame with possibility. Here are a few predictions, all of which are almost certain to be untrue, for the sexiest scenes we might see over the next few weeks.

The men of Castle Black find it difficult to forget how much they enjoyed performing a group penetration.

Jorah confesses to Daario that he’s so hard right now, and likely to get even harder.

The Mountain’s augmentations prove quite popular with the ladies of the court.

Loras joins the Sparrows, mostly because those loose robes offer much easier access than all the buttons and buckles Renly used to wear.

Jamie discovers a new use for the gold hand.

Tommen’s of age at this point, and his ongoing fixation with Ser Pounce is starting to make people uncomfortable.

En route to Oldtown, Sam stumbles upon the Westerosi equivalent of Lazy Bear Weekend and is declared a minor deity.