Boy Scouts' gay ban conflicts parents

Updated 10:22 pm, Friday, October 5, 2012

John Palmer of San Francisco, shown adjusting the uniform of son Miles, 7, and with daughter Linda, 5.

John Palmer of San Francisco, shown adjusting the uniform of son Miles, 7, and with daughter Linda, 5.

Photo: Michael Macor, The Chronicle

Image 2 of 5

The Scoutmaster of Troop 212 in Moraga, Calif., refused to sign the official paper work designating Ryan Andresen, 17, as an Eagle Scout after he learned that Ryan, an honor roll senior at a private high school in Berkeley, was gay.

The Scoutmaster of Troop 212 in Moraga, Calif., refused to sign the official paper work designating Ryan Andresen, 17, as an Eagle Scout after he learned that Ryan, an honor roll senior at a private high school

Miles Palmer, 7 at his home in San Francisco, Calif., on Tuesday October 2, 2012, shows patches he has earned while in the Boy Scouts. John Palmer is a San Francisco dad who, with his wife Mary, struggled with the decision to let their son, Miles, participate in Cub Scouts given the adament opposition of gays by the national Boy Scouts of America. They decided to participate in spite of the gay ban, but have done so after writing a letter supporting the inclusion of gays.

Miles Palmer, 7 at his home in San Francisco, Calif., on Tuesday October 2, 2012, shows patches he has earned while in the Boy Scouts. John Palmer is a San Francisco dad who, with his wife Mary, struggled

Parents across the Bay Area, and especially in San Francisco, have long faced the conundrum of wanting their sons to experience the history and traditions associated with the Boy Scouts yet not wanting to show support for the organization's long-standing ban on "open or avowed homosexuals."

Many families, however, hoped the antiquated rule, which was at times ignored, would be subject to change sooner rather than later.

But that old policy was reinforced this week after a Moraga teen, Ryan Andresen, who had completed all the requirements to become an Eagle Scout, was denied the highest Scout honor because he recently told his friends and family he is gay.

That local decision adhered to the Boy Scouts of America's ban on membership for gays, a policy officially recognized in 1991, upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2002 and strongly reiterated by the organization in a July ruling.

The rule, decided by a panel in Texas, was clear: No openly gay members.

In San Francisco, the decision shocked Cub Scout parents John and Mary Palmer.

"I guess I was willing to let (the old policy) slide, but when they beat the drum and said we're still there, that upset me," Palmer said.

Yet their son, Miles, 7, loved being a Cub Scout - the campfires, the hikes, the time with friends in a blue uniform with a yellow scarf and a brand new, meticulously earned Tiger badge.

It was the kind of stuff you could do without the uniforms or the badges, but the Scouts offered structure and tradition, said Miles' dad.

But they strongly opposed the exclusionary policy - often compared to the military's former don't ask, don't tell policy, with gays kicked out only if they came out.

Examples of gay and lesbian leaders getting kicked out of their packs can be found across the country, and that often sparked national outrage.

When Moraga mother Karen Andresen took up the fight this week for her son Ryan, support was immediate, with more than247,900people so far listed on a Change.org petition urging the pack leaders to sign the teen's Eagle Scout paperwork.

Scouting on the rise

Yet, despite that kind of opposition to the Scout's long-standing policy against gay members - a ban that extends to atheists and agnostics - the number of Scouts has continued to grow in San Francisco and across the Bay Area.

Across the Bay Area Council, which includes most of Alameda County, San Francisco and part of Daly City, there are 19,000 youth participating, a number increasing by about 3 percent or more a year.

The organization doesn't track the number of families who have left the Scouts because of the policy, DiBernardo said.

"Our focus continues to be on our mission to prepare young people to make ethical and moral choices over their lifetimes by instilling in them the values of the Scout Oath and Law," he said. "We do, however, encourage everyone to review the wide range of work the BSA does as they determine whether or not they should be involved with Scouting."

While national gay rights organizations have urged companies to fund only Scout troops that reject the ban, they don't want to see families boycott the Scouts.

"The more families supporting Scouting the better," he said. "We don't disagree with the Boy Scouts of America. We disagree with the policy."

To join or boycott?

Still, San Francisco scouting parent Mike Conte knows of some families who refused to join a pack after the Boy Scouts stood by exclusion of openly gay members.

"It was a disappointment that (the Scouts) reiterated their policy instead of following the military and the rest of the country," said Conte, an Eagle Scout. "Most of the families in San Francisco feel the same way. There's a reason we've chosen to raise our kids in the city."

He too faced a decision: Boycott the organization or work to change it from the inside?

He chose the latter.

Nearby in the city, fellow Cub Scout dad Palmer and his wife still weren't so sure.

They wondered whether "a pack of Cub Scouts walking down the street is a symbol of intolerance to a gay couple."

But their son Miles didn't want to quit the Cub Scouts.

After talking to friends who are gay and mulling over the issue at the dinner table, the Palmers let Miles stay in the Scouts.

"We're in Cub Scouts in spite of the ruling, not because of it," he said, adding the family decided to promote change from within the organization and urged Miles to write a letter to the Boy Scouts of America.

"I am a Cub Scout in Pack 108," Miles wrote in clear block letters that slanted slightly down the page. "I'm sad you are not letting gay people in your community ... My mom and dad are sad too, but they are letting me be a Cub Scout anyway. We hope someday you'll change your mind."

Boy Scout oath:

The petition

The petition supporting Ryan Andresen, the Moraga Boy Scout who was denied becoming an Eagle Scout because he is gay, may be seen at: http://chn.ge/PfrdfU.

Eagle Scouts

Becoming an Eagle Scout is the highest honor and requires boys to: Earn the five preceding ranks, serve six months in a leadership position, earn 21 merit badges, plan and lead an Eagle Scout service project and complete a Scoutmaster conference. The requirements must be completed before his 18th birthday.

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