Sunday, May 1, 2016

WWE Payback 2016 Review

No one in the above picture was at this show. I
don't watch much WWE anymore. I tend to catch the highlight on
Youtube, watch PWG clips, as well as NXT. As a child I watched
wrestling all the time and in my early 20's would watch up to 11
hours a week of it. But over time I started to care less and less, my
only real consistent contact last being when I was writing for Tha O
Show. So watching WWE Payback tonight was a big deal because I will
usually just watch Wrestlemania every year if I feel like it. This
PPV ended up being better than the previous Wrestlemania and I
actually sat through the entire show. Yay me. I'll rate each match
the same way I do my movie reviews using a 1 through 10 scale.

United
States Champion Kalisto def. Ryback Kickoff Match (7/10)

This
was a really fun match and it kinda sucks that it was a kickoff
match. The U.S belt used to be a huge deal back in the day and now
its like a TV title. I thought I'd be tired of seeing these two going
at it again but this was the best match they've had against one
another. This should be the end of their feuding but I have a feeling
they'll squeeze one or two more out of them. I thought this match was
over a few times like when Ryback gorilla pressed Kalisto over his
head on the top rope to the mat. Kalisto won with the Contra Code or
whatever they call it in WWE. Is Kalisto still in the Lucha Dragons?

Dolph
Ziggler def. Baron Corbin Kickoff Match (6/10)

The
one thing I like more than watching Ziggler wrestle is watching him
get his ass kicked. He picked up the win in this match that seemed
rushed towards the end. Corbin hasn't grown on me much since I'm not
quite sure what his character is supposed to be other than a one
wolf. After losing to Ziggler I'm not sure where he's going or who
he'll feud with. Ziggler won with a roll-up after being on the verge
of defeat moments earlier.

I was
hype as shit going into this match. I have been keeping track of the
tag team tournament where the winners would face The New Day. Enzo
got the crowd hype as hell and the match was underway. Next thing you
know he's tossed out, hits his head and neck off the rope and apron,
and goes down limp. As soon as I saw the way his arms were I knew it
was bad. I grew up watching boxing and know what an unconscious man
looks like. The match was stopped and he was stretchered out of the
arena. I was super bummed out by this. To see someone so lively go
from flying around the ring to being carried out by EMT's just fucks
with me. Reports say he is awake, moving his limbs, and has a
concussion.

Kevin
Owens def. Sami Zayn (9/10)

I was
super hyped for this one! Coming off the heels of watching what
happened in the previous match and dealing with a Chicago crowd Owens
and Zayn could not waste time feeling one another out. I've watched
these two wrestle for years throughout PWG, ROH, NXT, and now WWE.
These two beat the fuck out of each other. Owens never stops talking
trash and Zayn makes comebacks feel believable. The backstory they
showed for these two just makes the fact that they can go at it the
way they do that much more incredible. Owens won with a pop-up
powerbomb.

Intercontinental
Champion The Miz def. Cesaro (7/10)

Have
to admit that I did not really give a damn about this match going in
but Owens staying at the announce table and doing commentary during
it really made it better than it would've been otherwise. I'm a big
fan of Cesaro and while I don't hate The Miz, if he left the company
I wouldn't really care too much. Cesaro gets better every year since
I've seen him back in the days of the greasy ponytail and long pants.
Cesaro won but the referee was distracted with Owens and Zayn
fighting at ringside and then the ring itself. Afterward all four men
attacked one another which means in a few weeks there will be a fatal
four-way.

Dean
Ambrose def. Chris Jericho (5/10)

Big
fan of Jericho and so-so with Ambrose. This seemed like any other
match they've had and could've been on Monday Night Raw and been the
same. None of Jericho's finishing moves seem to work anymore. He can
do a Lionsault, Code Breaker, or Walls Of Jericho and still end up
losing. An awkward looking Dirty Deeds ended this one. There's not
enough stank on that move like when Drew Galloway does it for me to
go “Oh, he just got fucked up!”

WWE
Women's Champion Charlotte def. Natalya (4/10)

This
match was like recent Stephen King books: good start, great middle,
terrible ending. They went with a screw job ending that is almost 20
fucking years old. Anyone that gets it is tired of seeing it or
watched it online because they were not alive, and those that didn't
were probably left wondering why the match ended in such a shitty
way. I fucking hated the way this match ended and it ruined what was
the only female match on the card by shitting the bed and having two
guys whose combined ages are 125 years involved. No! I'd give the
match a 3 but I am close to obsessed with Natalya's ass.

Vince/Shane/Stephanie
McMahon Segment (1/10)

This
bullshit could have been saved for Raw the next night. Vince was
gonna pick which one of his kids ran the show and ended up making
them share. This was probably close to 20 minutes long and if it
wasn't it sure as hell felt like it or longer.

WWE
World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns def. AJ Styles (8/10)

I knew
going in that AJ was going to have to carry this match. I couldn't
get into it as much as I wanted not because he was wrestling a
cardboard cutout in Reigns, but because I knew that at some point
AJ's friends or Reigns' cousins were gonna get involved. The match
ended with a count out so Shane restarted it with no count outs. Then
Reigns got DQ'd so Stephanie made it no DQ. After a clusterfuck of
nonsense Reigns retains the belt. I didn't expect AJ to win the belt
but it would've been cool to see him with it. I would've actually
watched Raw the next night if he had.