Fae noo oan, the laddies will turn up on match days wearin' club colours fae tap tae buddim - spoarts jaickit, flannels an' hose an' the only thing thit'll be oan their heid will be a guid dab o' brylcreem.

An' there'll be nae mair o' this bletherskite durin' the week whaur they hae twa hoors o' licht joggin' up and doon the pitch afore they spend the rest o' the day in the bookies or the pool haw. No way. Fae noo oan they'll be passin' the eftirnins pentin' the waas, shearin' the gress, clearin' the mess at the back o' the Dick Donald or tar macadammin' the holes in the terracin'.

If the modern day fitba players hid less time oan their hands and kept thersels mair bizzy, then they widnae hae the pech tae lowp oan tap o' every quine thit cams within twa mile o' their wands.

Mibbes then the only thing they'll feel like jumpin' oan will be a guid chaunce in the six yaird boax.