She gets on my nerves at the best of times, but luckily she lives 200 miles away and we see her rarely.

Every time OH and I have a row he rings her up to talk to her - she responds by sending him endless text messages saying how "worried" she is about him (she wasn't that worried when he was a kid and she was out shagging every man she could get hold of or when she kicked him out of the house in favour of her boyfriend) being with me and why doesn't he leave me. And of course every row we have is "my fault" and I "need to see the error of my ways" .

She has been ringing me up interfering and telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing (its all crap) - recently stopped it because I really lost it with her last time she did that (no doubt there will be more letters and text messages sent on account of that).

The thing that really pisses me off is that she smokes like a chimney (despite having had cancer scares, having severe health problems and constantly being told to give up by her doctors) and when she has visited us in the past she doesn't even have the decency to go outside for a fag - she'll just light up in the living room without even asking. OH and I don't smoke, neither does any of my family and we intend to keep our baby's enviroment as smoke free as possible. OH's brother and stepmum both smoke but they are polite enough to go outside for a cigarette and I know they would never smoke around the baby.

OH's mum however is another matter. I'm worried about what she will be like when the baby's born (good thing is that she lives so far away) and terrified on her first visit down she'll be puffing away on fags in the same room as the baby. Or she'll insist we go down there to visit her and be blowing smoke all over the baby the whole time we're there (she smoked around her children when they were little). I don't know what to do. Should I insist that OH makes it clear that this baby is not being subjected to her fag smoke? He loves him mum and will probably just get upset if I say anything. . .

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Sun May 14, 2006 8:24 pm

SueT66

ED YUMMY MUMMY

Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:53 amPosts: 11698

no its your house no smoking means no smoking and going out side doesnt do much as its all over the clothes, so baby will inhale it from the clothes.
babies health is moreimportant than not trying to hurt some adults feeling who should know better

Sun May 14, 2006 8:30 pm

jacqui+3

ED frequent user

Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2006 9:41 pmPosts: 254Location: Northern ireland

If you go to visit her and she goes to smoke round baby just tell her how you feel and if she's not happy and is still gonna smoke tell her that you'll have to leave and you'll send her some pics.
She should know better plus the baby is your responsiblity so youmake the decisionsand you don't want smoke round him/her so she should except your wishes.

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Sun May 14, 2006 8:50 pm

carlymugridge

ED frequent user

Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 6:46 pmPosts: 147

i think you should make it very clear that you want no smoking around the baby. Do you have your OH support when it comes to this? will he tell his mum or will it be down to you to tell her?

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Sun May 14, 2006 9:43 pm

LadyMoonlight

ED BABE

Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 7:35 pmPosts: 530Location: South Wales

Thnks for your replies, everyone

I don't think I could say anything to her because our relationship is not great and because that will be one more thing for her to send text messages to my OH about! I'm going to have to leave it up to OH to tell her - I'm just scared he won't because he doesn't want to cause any friction - he tends to give into his mother an awful lot even though she has not been a very good mum to him in the past (that annoys me - she wasn't there for him when he needed her - why is he so keen to be there for her?). I think he just really wants to please her.

She thinks she knows everything to do with health as she is an ex nurse (she doesn't have a clue actually in some respects! If she did she wouldn't smoke!) and I'm pretty sure she'll just say "Oh cigarette smoke doesn't hurt babies, I always smoked around mine" or something of the sort. I'd be terrified of taking the baby down there because although we can (try) to ban her smoking in our house we can't in her house and like you say I'd have to take the baby out of the house if she lit up - I'm too scared of the risks of cot death associated withbabies who breathe in cigarette smoke.

As I said, we won't see her often because of the distance and she probably won't come down to visit us as she complains she can't travel, but she will INSIST we go up there (she can't wait to get her hands on her grandchild) and I already know she is going to behave thoughtlessly as in smoking around the baby. Any refusals on my behalf to go will just cause problems with OH, so I'll have to tread very carefully. I know its early days yet but I am going to make sure he is well warned about my feelings on the matter before it even becomes an issue . . .