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Description: In How to Help Your Hurting Friend, trusted author Susie Shellenberger (Sisterhood Magazine) addresses the most vital, personal, and life-challenging issues in young women’s lives so you can respon...

In How to Help Your Hurting Friend, trusted author Susie Shellenberger (Sisterhood Magazine) addresses the most vital, personal, and life-challenging issues in young women’s lives so you can respond in love and wisdom when friends are coping with crises. Presented in handbook form, this biblically based, relevant-book empowers you to be a voice of support and love when those around you are struggling. No issue is taboo (topics include self-cutting and sexual abuse) and no advice is ever vague. This book distills the wisdom of the Bible and combines it with the wisdom of many experienced Christian counselors. Previously published as Help! My Friend Is Hurting, this reissued edition is complete with sidebars and helpful illustrations.

READ THIS FIRST!
How This Book Works
You already know this is a book about helping your friends with their
problems. But to help your friend, you’ve gotta be a friend. And . . . well,
you’ve gotta have friends.
So Section One deals with some good ol’ basic fun stuff on making and
keeping friends.
Section Two deals at length with some heavy issues some of your
friends may be battling.
Section Three is a collection of several problems you and your friends
will struggle with.
Hey, before you even begin reading this book, I first want to congratulate you on even having it. I mean, just the fact you’re holding this book tells
me you really care about your friends. That’s awesome!
There may be times you’re tempted to think,

“I’m just one person.
Can I really make a difference
in my friend’s life?”
You bet you can! All through history, “one’s” have been making a huge
difference. For instance, did you know:
• Just one vote caused King Charles I of England to be
beheaded in 1649.
• One vote made Adolph Hitler head of the Nazi Party in 1923.
• Just one vote decided that Americans would speak English
rather than German in 1776.
• In 1845, one vote brought Texas into the Union.
• In 1868, one vote saved President Andrew Johnson from
removal from office.
• One vote elected Thomas Jefferson president in 1800.
• Just one man, Noah, heard and obeyed God’s voice and was able to save
the entire animal kingdom and procreate humankind.
• She was just one—and single, too!—but Phoebe volunteered to deliver
Paul’s letter to the Romans. And how that book has influenced millions
of Christians through the ages!
• Just one man—the Son of God—the greatest gift of all, offers eternal life
to you and me . . . and your friends who are battling deep hurt.
You bet you can make a difference in your friend’s life!
ONE is extremely powerful—especially when Jesus Christ is the One
doing the empowering!
God bless you as you seek to be Jesus to those around you,
Susie Shellenberger

amie always had a crowd
around her. She wasn’t
especially knockout
gorgeous. She usually had a couple
of zits, and she wasn’t exceptionally
good at sports.
But she was one of the most popular students at school.
Everyone loved her!
Jamie was like a magnet. Wherever she went,
someone wanted to be with her. It wasn’t unusual for
Jamie to be seen listening to one of the football players share a problem with her, or to see her showing a
new student how to get to the biology lab.
Why? What was it about Jamie that made
everyone notice her? If her looks and her talents weren’t anything to brag about, what did
she have going for her? Here it is—short and
simple—Jamie had learned the secret of being
popular. She knew how to make friends and
keep them.
You already know this book is about
helping your friends who are struggling
with hurt, confusion, and a variety of problems. But guess what? In order for you to
be a helping friend, you first have to have
friends and be the kind of friend others want
in their lives.
So before we actually get into how you
can help your friends, let’s first take a peek at
how you get friends and become a friend, okay?
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(This next stuff is going to be pretty basic. In fact, you may
already know it all and can help me write my next book. If you
don’t need this part, feel free to totally skip it and flip to the very
end of this section—page 17.)

the secret
Jamie’s secret to popularity really isn’t something a rocket
scientist has to figure out. It’s actually very basic:
JAMIE WAS NICE TO EVERYONE!
Wait a sec, you’re thinking. That’s too easy. There’s gotta be
more to popularity than that!
Yeah, there are a few more strategies we’ll talk about in a
few seconds, but the biggest secret of all—the one thousands of
teens try to skip over—is simply being nice to everyone.
Jamie was as kind to the new student who had no friends
at all as she was the football player. She had friends in the
band and friends in drama. She refused to only associate with
one group of people. Because she was kind to everyone, people
responded by wanting to be around her.

there’s more
Okay, as mentioned a few lines earlier, there are some additional strategies that go along with Jamie’s big secret of being
nice to everyone. Ready to tackle them? Let’s take a few minutes
on each one.
SENSATIONAL SMILE.
There’s something intriguing about someone who smiles a lot,
isn’t there? We’re automatically drawn to someone who’s happy.
And wearing a smile usually implies the person behind it is
approachable.
If people know you’re approachable, they’ll start coming
to you. And how will they know? Well, you’ll make them feel
at ease, comfortable. And how does that happen? By smiling. A
smile is an open invitation to approach. It says, “You can talk
to me. I’ll be friendly with you. Really. It’s okay. I’m not going to
hurt you.”
Smiles also convey something else that’s really important
when making friends. A smiling person insinuates confidence.
(That was really a great point. Did you get it? Or did you just
zoom by it quickly? Well, to make sure you get it, let’s go over it
again, K?)
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Repeat after me:
SMILING INSINUATES CONFIDENCE.
I can already hear your thoughts screaming through the page at
me: But I’m NOT confident, Susie. I feel insecure, and I’m always worried about what I look like and what everyone else is thinking, and—
Whoa! Go grab some lemonade from the fridge and cool off. I
said insinuates, not proves. In other words, a smile suggests you’re
confident. You don’t have to actually feel confident to smile.
But when you do, people will think you’re confident. Cool, huh?
(Watch the lemonade. You’re starting to drip.)
But here’s something even cooler: The longer you practice smiling—
“The LORD would speak to
even in intimidating situations—the
Moses face to face, as a man
sooner your smile will catch up with
speaks with his FRIEND.”
you. In other words, you’ll start to
(Exodus 33:11)
believe what the smile stands for.
You’ll gain confidence from smiling! No, it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. I promise.
Let me introduce you to 16-year-old Jenny. I met Jenny along
with 300 other teen girls I took to Brazil with me on a two-week
missions trip. On the final night of the trip, several girls stepped
up to the microphone and shared what God had taught them
during the past few days.
I’ll never forget Jenny. Smiling from ear to ear, she shared
her story. “When I was 11,” she began, “I was in a terrible car
accident. My bottom teeth were knocked out—causing my mouth
to be disfigured. I struggled a lot with having a low self-esteem,
thinking I was ugly. But you know what? God has shown me I
have a beautiful smile! And my smile is something I can give to
everyone I meet. Because He can use my smile to minister to others and to encourage those around me, I no longer have to worry
about my outer appearance. God is using my smile!”
Wow. Jenny had learned the secret of flashing a sensational
smile. And she was right! God was using her smile. Jenny always
had a crowd of people around her. She was approachable, easy to
talk to, and she genuinely cared about others. Know what else?
She was beginning to feel the confidence her smile suggested!

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What about you? Will you make a point to start working
right now on developing a sensational smile? Just for fun . . . since
you’ve already dripped lemonade all over this page anyway . . .
I’ll leave some space here for you to doodle on. Know what I want
you to doodle? Smiles. Make as many as you want. Big ones. Little
ones. Funny ones. Magnetic ones. Create a million smiles right
here, and I’ll go grab a Cherry 7Up and meet you on the next page.

do
o
d
l
e
area

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there’s still more
Let’s recap, okay? Jamie was popular because:
1. She was nice to everyone.
2. She smiled a lot.
Ready for the next one? Jamie knew how to talk and listen.
It wasn’t unusual at all to see her listening to someone sharing
a problem, but she was also a good conversationalist. In other
words, the other person didn’t have to do all the talking.
Everyone knows someone who talks all the time. They’re
not much fun to be around, are they? I once had a friend whom I
went out to eat a lot with. She talked all the time. As in nonstop.
Once in a while, she’d say, “Susie, I don’t understand you. You
travel all over the place and speak to thousands of teenagers
every year, but you sure don’t say much one-on-one.”
I wanted to say, “How can I? You never give me a chance!”
Everyone wants to talk. We all have a story to tell. Each of
us enjoys having someone listen to what she says. It makes us
feel important when someone is truly interested in what we’re
saying.
LEARN TO LISTEN.
When other people find out you’re willing to listen, believe me,
they’ll talk—and they’ll be talking to you! But when you listen . . .
really listen. I’m talking about genuine listening—not the kind of
“listening” where you focus your eyes on the person speaking,
but your mind is focused on Jason Issacs who’s approaching your
table.
When someone is talking to you, zero in on that person 100
percent. It’s easy to tell when someone’s just pretending to listen
but really thinking about something else. That won’t fly in making friends. You’ll be known as a phony.
Okay, but once I’ve learned to be a great listener, what am I going
to do with all the stuff I’m hearing? Oooh. That’s a good one.
You’re going to have to learn to keep secrets. A genuine
friend is one who can be trusted. When Josh tells you in confidence he likes Bethany, you can’t run off and tell her—even
though it’ll kill you not to.
Would it ever be right to break a secret? Oooh. Another good
one. And the answer is yes. If your friend is in danger of hurting
herself or someone else, you can’t keep that information private.
But we’ll talk more about that later when we get into how to help
your friends who are going through really rough times.
Back to keeping secrets. Make it a priority. When people
realize they can trust you—truly trust you—they’ll feel safe in
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opening up to you with their problems,
hurts, questions, fears, and dreams.
“A GOSSIP separates
But listening is only half of this
close friends.”
strategy. It’s just as important to talk
(Proverbs 16:28)
as it is to listen. The key is learning
when to talk. Try not to talk just to
hear yourself talking—that brings us back to my friend who just
talked and talked and talked all-l-l-l the time. No one else could
get a word in edgewise.
Don’t put the burden of the entire conversation on someone
else. You have to do your part, too. Talking is learning how to be
a good conversationalist.
Seventeen-year-old Lance says, “It always freaks me out
when I’m with a girl who expects me to do all the talking. That’s
too much pressure. I like being with girls who can hold their own
end of the conversation.”
Jeremy feels the same way: “Sometimes I’ll be with a girl
who acts like she’s afraid to say something. I mean, how else are
we gonna get to know each other if we don’t talk and listen? But
sometimes girls act like what they have to say isn’t important.
Of course it is! I wouldn’t be spending time with a girl, trying to
carry on a conversation with her, if I didn’t care about what she
has to say.”
Guess what? Lance and Jeremy aren’t the only ones who feel
this way. Everyone wants to be in a friendship that has both give
and take when it comes to talking.
Yeah, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say!
I hear you. And I understand. Here’s a little secret: If you’re
really listening to what the other person is saying, you can ask
questions about what he’s talking about.
Eric just mentioned he has a lot of math homework. So
make a question out of what you’ve heard: “Do you like math?”
“Ah, it’s okay. But Mrs. Johnson sure gives us a lot of
homework!”
Now grab your next question from what he’s just told you.
“I haven’t had Mrs. Johnson. Is she a good teacher? Does she
explain things well?”
Of course, you don’t always have to continue the conversation by asking questions. Throw your own thoughts out there as
well. Again, Eric has just mentioned he has a lot of math homework. You contribute your own thoughts: “I don’t have any math
homework, but I’ve got a huge report to write on this play called
Our Town that we’ve been reading in Lit.”
Yeah, okay. But Eric and I already know each other. How do I get
a conversation going with someone I don’t know at all, or someone I
know—but not really well?
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• If you had to give up one of your five senses (sight, hearing,
taste, touch, smell), which would you choose to live without?
• If you suddenly won a million dollars, how would you spend
it?
• If you could receive truthful answers to any two questions,
what would you ask and whom would you ask?
• How would you react if a stranger approached you and
offered to carry your groceries to the car?
• Is it always wrong to kill? What about insects? Other
animals?
• If you could be a contestant on any TV game show, which
would you choose?
• If you had to live in one of these places, which would you
choose: Antarctica or Siberia?
• Would you be willing to have superfrightening dreams every
night for three years if it meant you’d be really popular the
rest of your life?
• Do you think there’s life on other planets?
• If you were Eve, would you have eaten the forbidden fruit?
• If you were Adam, would you have blamed it on Eve?
• If you could invent a brand-new chewing gum, what would
you call it? How would it differ from all other gum on the
market? What flavor would it be?

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HOW DO I GET A CONVERSATION GOING WITH SOMEONE I DON’T
KNOW AT ALL, OR SOMEONE I KNOW—BUT NOT REALLY WELL?

Another good question. Will you help me write my next
book? I like you!
Asking questions is the best way to get a conversation going.
Even if you know the person really well—you’re already good
friends—asking questions will help you get to know them even
better.
About a year ago, I went on a safari in Kenya, Africa, with
a friend of mine. Knowing it was going to be a lo-o-o-ong flight
from Colorado Springs to Nairobi, Kenya, I took one of my favorite books along: The Book of Questions.
Even though we were already great friends (after all, we
were traveling across the world together!), we still had a blast
asking fun questions and learning more about each other from
our answers.
Since I love questions so much, I decided to create a list of
my own to use when the need arises. I’ll share them with you,
and you can try them out on friends, acquaintances, and even
people you don’t know yet. I’ll give you 25 questions, and I’ll
leave some space for you to create five of your own to add to the
list, okay? Here goes:

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• What’s the most frightening thing that’s ever happened to
you?
• Do you think anyone ever cleans out water towers? If you
were offered a job working on top of and inside a water
tower, what fears, questions, or doubts would you have?
• What’s the most valuable thing you own?
• What’s one thing your parents were right about after all?
• What makes you laugh uncontrollably?
• What would you be more frightened of, a snake, a lion, or a
tarantula?
• What’s your favorite color?
• If you had to choose between TV and radio, which would you
do without for an entire year?
• What’s the difference between encouraging someone and
complimenting someone?
• If you could write a book, what would you title it? What
would it be about? How much would you sell it for?
• What’s the most recent book you’ve read?
• What classes in school do you think will be completely useless to you in the future?
• What’s the most exciting thing going on in your life right
now?
Okay, it’s your turn! Think of five more questions and jot
them here in the space provided.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

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there’s still more
Recap—Popularity is gained through:
1. Being nice to everyone.
2. Smiling a lot.
3. Knowing how to talk and listen.
And here’s the next one:
NEVER BE A KNOW-IT-ALL.
Let’s face it. Unless you’re a relative of Albert Einstein, you probably don’t know everything. But I’ll bet you know a few teens who
act like they know it all, don’t you?
No one enjoys being around a know-it-all . . . especially
when you really don’t know it all! So don’t try to act like it.
Heather always had a better story. Whenever someone talked about their family vacation, Heather piped up with a better
vacation. And when someone told a joke, Heather always tried to
outdo it with a funnier joke.
When someone asked Heather a question, she’d always give
them an answer—even when she didn’t know the answer! It
wasn’t long before people stopped asking for her opinion about
things. They got tired of being around her. She was a know-it-all.
Why do people like Heather act like that? Why are they
always trying to outdo someone else’s story or trying to make
others think they know it all?
Insecurity. Insecurity. Insecurity.
Either you really do know a lot and just like to show off so
you can be the center of attention (which means you’re insecure),
or you really don’t know it all, but you want to make people think
you do, because you’re afraid if they think you don’t know everything, they won’t like you (which means you’re insecure).
Guess what? You don’t have to be the center of attention! It’s
really okay to blend in. You don’t always have to be the star—the
one who’s right—the one who has the best story.
Nor do you always have to have the answer. If people
befriend you simply because of your knowledge, they’re not real
friends anyway. If you have a friend who falls into this know-itall category, you can help her climb out by letting her know she
doesn’t have to earn your friendship.
If you’re the one in the know-it-all division, allow God to
help you move from the spotlight of attention to focusing on the
needs of others. Humility is extremely attractive. Ask God to help
you become humble.
In fact, why wait? Let’s pray about it right now.

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Dear Jesus,
I confess I’ve done some not-so-nice things to be the center
of attention. I’ve interrupted. I’ve made up

stories. I’ve

talked loud. I’ve bragged about stuff.
Will You forgive me, Father? I don’t want to be insecure and
always fighting for attention. I want to be like You—humble
yet confident. Interested in others yet willing to share myself
with people.
Teach me how to be humble, Jesus. Thank You.
In Your name I pray, amen.
Want to stay on the right track? Here’s a terrific Scripture
verse to memorize: “Do not think of yourself more highly than
you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment,
in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you”
(Romans 12:3).

there’s still more
Okay, it’s recap time again. Popularity is gained through:
1. Being nice to everyone.
2. Smiling a lot.
3. Knowing how to talk and listen.
4. Not being a know-it-all.
And the next strategy for making friends?
BE YOURSELF.
Tawni was really frustrated! Hannah’s dad was totally rich, and
almost every week Hannah arrived at school wearing superexpensive stuff—like jeans that cost $100 or a jacket for $350 or
new shoes that were easily $200.
Tawni couldn’t keep up. Even though most of the girls tried
to imitate what Hannah did and wore, Tawni had had enough.
Instead of being a follower, she finally decided to simply be herself. To set her own trends. To stop focusing on what others were
doing.
So one Saturday, she and her mom went thrift-store shopping. Tawni only had $20 saved from babysitting, but it turned
out that was all she needed! She got a whole stash of great stuff.
When they got home, her mom helped her customize it just
for her. They cut the jeans into below-the-knee capri style, and
sewed funky patches on both legs.
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They mixed and matched a few of her other purchases, and
they created a totally cool hat out of something no one would have
guessed had any more life to it. Tawni got a weird-looking pair of
shoes for $2—which was great, because she liked weird stuff—and
with the help of her mom, put together a brand-new outfit.
Yeah, people looked at her on Monday morning when she
walked into school. Especially Hannah. “Tawni! I love it! Oh,
Mylanta! I’ve got to have it. Please take me shopping with you
next week!”
You guessed it. It wasn’t long before thrift-store shopping
became the “in” thing to do. By deciding to simply be herself,
Tawni had become a trendsetter.
What about you? Are you being you, or are you simply trying
to imitate everyone else? God created you in His image. He has
made you unique and special. He doesn’t want you copycatting
those around you. He wants you to be you—the way He created
you.
Oftentimes, people who try to imitate others do so because
they’re afraid to be themselves. Check this out: “Fear not, for I
have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are
mine” (Isaiah 43:1).
That’s terrific ammunition for eliminating fear. If God
Himself chooses us, redeems us, and calls us by our name, what
do we have to fear? When we truly realize that the King of Kings
accepts us and loves us just as we are, that sets us free from having to impress others, imitate others, or follow others.

there’s still more
Ready for the recap? Popularity is gained through:
1. Being nice to everyone.
2. Smiling a lot.
3. Knowing how to talk and listen.
4. Not being a know-it-all.
5. Being yourself.
And . . . drum roll please . . . ready? Here’s the next one:
ADD VALUE TO THOSE AROUND YOU.
Carrie Bobb, like Jamie, always has a crowd of people around her.
She’s 21 now, but since she was in junior high, she’s always been
one of the most popular students in school. Now, as she’s completing her college education, once again, she’s one of the most
popular people on campus.
I pulled Carrie aside and asked what her secret was. “I have
a list of 20 things I try to do every day,” she said. “There are some
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PEOPLE LIGHT UP WHEN YOU RECOGNIZE
SOMETHING THEY DO WELL AND LET THEM KNOW IT.
12

things on the list that change and fluctuate, but there are a few
things that remain the same.”
“Give me an example of something that remains the same—
something you try to do every single day,” I said.
“Okay. Well, I try really hard to add value to those around
me.”
“Every day?” I questioned.
“Every day,” she said. “People light up when you recognize
something they do well and let them know it. It only takes a
minute to give someone a compliment or to notice what gifts a
person has. So why not bring it to their attention? It automatically adds value to how they see themselves. I want to be the kind
of person who’s always seeing the positive attributes in others. I
don’t ever want to tear someone down. When Jesus walked the
earth, He affirmed and encouraged. I want to do that, too. I want
to build people up.”
I decided to hang out with her a couple of weeks and watch
her in action. It was true! Carrie daily brought worth to those
around her by noticing the good in their lives.
She complimented our bus driver. She sat with a teen girl
who was confused about her boyfriend, and Carrie affirmed the
girl’s willingness to obey God—even if it meant breaking up with
the guy.
Carrie told Brett she saw a real depth about him. She told
Matt it was cool to see him using his musical gifts to glorify the
Lord. She noticed that Nikki was not only great with large groups
of people but that she was also terrific one-on-one, and Carrie
let her know. The list goes on and on. Genuinely, Carrie affirms
those around her, adding value to their lives.
Will you determine to do the same? Find something good in
each of your family members and encourage them with it. Look
for people who go the extra mile for others, and tell them you
notice. Watch those who are shy and highlight their tender spirits. You’ll find it’s amazing to see people actually light up when
you affirm them and add value to what they’re already doing
well!

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Following those six strategies really will help you make
friends. Let’s recap one more time—I want to make sure you
don’t forget!
Popularity is gained through:
1. Being nice to everyone.
2. Smiling a lot.
3. Knowing how to talk and listen.
4. Not being a know-it-all.
5. Being yourself.
6. Adding value to those around you.

but there’s still more
Even though those six secrets will help you develop good
friendships, there’s still something reallyreallyreally important
I’ve gotta tell you.
Wait a sec! You said that was it. You said if I followed these six
strategies, I’d learn how to make friends. How can there be more?
Believe it or not, there really IS more. And this is of utmost
importance. Totally significant. Extremely noteworthy. Like your
top priority.
All right already. What is it?
Before I tell you what it is, I need to be honest with you: This
last item may not help you make friends. In fact, you might even
lose a few. But it is THE most important thing you’ll ever do in
your life. Here it is:
BE JESUS TO THOSE AROUND YOU.
Since Jesus isn’t here in the flesh, He’s depending on us to be His
hands, feet, arms, and ears. Are you using your hands, feet, arms
and ears to bring glory to Him? What about the rest of you? Are
your eyes seeing people as Jesus sees them? Does your mouth
speak words of encouragement as Jesus would? Is your voice
singing praises to His name?
Are you going the extra mile for someone who needs you?
(That’s what the rest of this book is about—so we need to get this
part settled right now.) Jesus always loved. He calls you to do the
same. When your friends are hurting, love them. When Juli battles an eating disorder, love her. When Brooke shares she’s been
abused, love her. When Geoff confides his parents are splitting,
be Jesus to him. Austin tells you his mother is dying of cancer. He
doesn’t need a bunch of philosophical words from you—He needs
you to reflect the love of Jesus to him.
Sometimes Jesus loved with “tough love.” In other words, He
never made excuses for people’s sin. He never said, “Well, that’s
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GOD ISN’T ASKING YOU TO BE FLASHY. HE MAY OR MAY NOT PROVIDE
YOU WITH A STAGE OR A MICROPHONE. BUT HE IS CALLING YOU TO SERVE.
14

okay. You didn’t mean to.” He allowed people to feel guilty for
the disobedience in their lives, but He continued to love them.
You do the same. And when your friends are battling deep
scars, don’t allow them to make excuses. Love them like Jesus
would. Sometimes that means giving a hug. Sometimes it means
telling them something they don’t want to hear, like: “I’ll be here
for you, but you’ve got to go ask him to forgive you.” Or “I’ll go
with you, but you really need to see a counselor.”
Being Jesus to your friends may not be easy, because Jesus
didn’t always do the popular thing—He always did the right thing.
And sometimes doing what’s right may cost you some friends.
Being Jesus means being willing to be a servant. Jesus told
His disciples to serve—wash each other’s feet. And to set the
example, He knelt before them and washed their feet. Imagine!
The Creator of the universe washing feet! (See John 13:1-17 for
the whole story.)
Washing feet can get stinky. It’s uncomfortable. It’s not
easy. But it’s right. I had taken a group of teens on a missions
trip to South America. During the middle of the trip, I gave a
devotion on how Jesus has called us to be servants. I called
someone up front and knelt in front of him and washed his
feet. Then we divided into small groups and began to wash each
other’s feet.
One group left the room and went outside for more privacy.
As they were washing each other’s feet, a national military man
walked by. Without hardly thinking, Jarod politely stopped him
and motioned for the officer to sit on the ground with them.
A couple of teens from the group gently untied the man’s
shoes. One of the girls picked up his feet and placed them in the
basin of water. Jarod began washing. Calvin grabbed the towel
and tenderly dried the officer’s feet.
One by one, they began sharing the difference Christ had
made in their lives. When they had finished, the military officer
was asking how he could know Jesus like they did. He prayed and
surrendered his life to Jesus.
Why? Because a great evangelist had come to town? No.
Because of a dazzling Christian concert with flashing lights and
smoke machines? No. Simply because a group of teens were
determined to reach out and be Jesus to him.
God isn’t asking you to be flashy. He may or may not provide
you with a stage or a microphone. But He is calling you to serve.
To reach out. To be His hands to those around you. To be Him to
a lost and dying world.
Will you do it? Even when it’s tough? When you’re wanting
to help your friends come out on top of their problems, the very
best thing you can do is to be Jesus to them.
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Before we really get in to how you can help your friends,
take a break for a few seconds and take this quiz to help assess
what kind of friend you are, okay?

QUIZ: What Kind of Friend Are You?
Find out if you’re all you can be for your buds
by Jennifer Ellis Freeman

Friendship can be one of the best things in life. It’s great to
have someone to laugh with during the good times, and it’s
nice to have a shoulder to cry on during those not-so-good
times. There are all kinds of qualities that go into a good
friend. How many of them do you have? Take this quiz to see
how you stack up as a friend.
1. You’re talking to someone at your locker when you see
your friend approaching. She’s sporting a new hairdo that
is a definite don’t. The person you’re with makes a nasty
comment. You
a. announce you think the style is great and then
study it until you find something about it you really do
like.
b. ignore the comment and find a time to gently break
it to your friend that she might want to try something
else.
c. agree with the comment. After all, the style is awful.
2. The party invitation you’ve been waiting for finally
arrives. You are so excited that you immediately call
your friend to see what she’s going to wear. But when
she answers the phone, she tells you she wasn’t
invited. You
a. tell her if she isn’t going, you aren’t going. You make
plans to see a movie together instead.
b. call the person giving the party and ask if you can
bring your friend.
c. tell her if she isn’t going, you aren’t going, but
then go anyway.

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3. You find out your friend has seriously let you down. She
calls you to apologize. You
a. forgive her. We’ve all done some stupid things.
b. tell her it’s okay, but then never trust her again.
c. slam down the phone and think of a rumor to
spread about her the next day.
4. Your friend wants to go on a date, but her mom says
no. She asks you to tell her mom she’s with you while
she goes on the date. You
a. tell her you’re sorry, but you’re not going to lie for
her. Instead, help her think of ways she might be
able to compromise with her mom.
b. tell her you’ll do it, but just this once.
c. cover for her. The argument is between her and her
mother. You’re only helping a friend.
5. Your friend has volunteered to make cookies for the
Spring Fling party, but she waits until the last minute.
She calls you begging for help. You hate baking. You
a. give up your Saturday plans and prepare to be
covered in flour.
b. show up on her doorstep with 14 boxes of cookies
from the bakery. Tell her all she has to do is put
them on a plate and no one will know she didn’t
make them herself.
c. tell her you’d help, but you have to walk your dog—
all day.
6. At lunch, someone begins to tell a juicy rumor about
your friend. You
a. tell the person talking you’re not going to listen to
gossip, especially if it involves someone you care
about.
b. listen to the rumor and then call your friend to see
if it’s true.
c. listen to the rumor, call someone else to tell her the
rumor and ask if she thinks it’s true.

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7. You find out your friend has become involved with
drugs. You confront her about it, and she tells you to
mind your own business. You
a. immediately tell her parents, a teacher or a school
counselor.
b. let her know how you feel about what she’s doing.
Make it clear you care about her, but you won’t be
around her when she’s hurting herself.
c. let it go. She can make her own decisions.

SCORING:
If you answered . . .
Mostly A’s: You’re a truly terrific friend. You know what it
means to be a good friend, and you do your best to live up to
that. Even when the right choice is not the easy choice, you
still come through. Your friends should feel fortunate to have
you in their lives.
Mostly B’s: You do care about your friends, and you usually
make good decisions about your friendships. Sometimes,
though, you’re swayed to make choices that might not be for
the best. Think carefully about what it means to be a good
friend, and then make sure you stick to it. You and your
friends will all be better off.
Mostly C’s: You’re walking on thin ice with your friendships.
If you don’t want to fall through, you’re going to have to
make some changes. Start by making a list of qualities you’d
like to see in your own friends. Then make an effort to be
that way yourself.

And now we’re getting down to why you bought this
book—you do want to help your friends. They’re hurting.
Some of them are struggling with a heaviness almost beyond
description. Let’s help them, okay? Being Jesus to them will
have eternal effects! Turn the page. It’s time to start.

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