Weekend Rewind | Back on track… if I was a hurtling freight train

I feel like I’ve come out the other side of whatever it is I was tunnelling through. This week has seen a huge improvement in both my behaviour and my mind. Lion mum has been through her paces and the kids are alright.

Mind you, there was one casualty, just this morning and I feel really bad about it. I think it was this incident that has finally made me completely snap out of my ridiculous funk and wake up to myself.

Badoo was handing out her party invitations this morning (they’re way-cool, I’ll share them later) and a little girl in her class asked where her invitation was. See, this little girl has been really nasty to Badoo for weeks on end (and we all know the might of a nasty seven-year-old girl), so there was no invitation forthcoming, which was Badoo’s choice and I respect that.

“Where’s my invitation, Lottie?”

It was all very awkward. No one said anything for a while and then the kid asked again, rather aggressively, “where’s my invitation, Lottie?” So I said to that little girl, in as nice a tone as I could possibly muster, which in hindsight probably wasn’t as nice as it could have been, “well, Beryl (not her real name, fortunately), you haven’t been a very kind friend to Lottie lately, so she chose not to invite you this time.” And – since we’re confessing and all – then to make matters worse, I turned to another little girl and said, “same goes for you, Gladys.”

What the hell is wrong with me? Not only did I break my cardinal rule to never get involved in playground politicktocking, but I was way too blunt to a couple of seven year olds and I also completely dropped my daughter in it with the mean girls. You can just bet I’ll be making another party invitation tonight!

Our lovely guest hostie this week is a relatively new blogger, Robyna from The Mummy & the Minx. I can’t quite remember when I first found Robyna’s blog, but I do know that I haven’t stopped coming back. She has a great way with words that shoot right to the heart of a problem. You’ve gotta love that. Her blog has a different focus each month and this month it’s the impact that social media has on our lives. Lots to ponder there. Head on over and say hi!

Comments

Breathe deeply, have some Mars Bar slice, and don’t let it ruin your weekend. Chances are you’ll remember it and feel like crap over it for a long time after these girls have forgotten it even happened. TGIF!

I don’t think you need to feel bad about getting involved in playground politics sometimes you have to. I’ve had to give a few polite directions, redirections and what for’s to some of Cohen’s school friends. We dealing with a lot of stuff and my boy needs extra support and I will damn well give it to him. But in my defence it’s always nicely as I can and I inform the teacher exactly what I’ve said.

I’m with you too! Because another mum said “I just text invites so no-one knows they are missing out”, but I absolutely refuse to create some weird subterfuge around a kids’ party. Everyone gets to go to a party at some stage or another, just not every party and that’s okay! x

I did the same when my eldest was in year one. This kid was freaking awful to her, had come to her party the previous year and been appallingly rude and mean and then had her own party a few months later and invited the whole class and half another- but not my little girl.when she had a hissy about not being invited I simply said we were very sorry but she had not been very friendly. She threw a wobbler but my Charlotte stuck to her guns and I respected that. It’s a tough call though!

I think we can always tell the kids who are going to grow up to find the corporate world perfectly acceptable, Amy! Good on your Charlotte for sticking to her guns and you’ll be happy to know that my own Charlotte did exactly that too! x

I had to deal with Beryl and Gladys a couple of years ago at Bell’s old school, and was anything but gracious. Sorry mean girls, but life’s too short to let you get your kicks at the expense of my kid.
I found out that they were just an extension of their horrible mums.
Good on you and your baby for taking a stand, Bron. Who wants meanies at their party anyway?
I wouldn’t mind a rather large piece of Mars Bar slice right now, with my coffee.
Have a glorious weekend xx

So true, Lisa – I didn’t think of it like that. NO WAY am I standing by while they practise being horrible on my darling kid! I’m glad I told them they weren’t coming to our party. Should have stuck my tongue out at them while I said it… 😉

I’ve been tempted to say things like that – I’m struggling with the seven year old girls too. But don’t be too hard on yourself (depending on what your relationship with the parents are, you might want to call though. I’ve found in most cases, at least with my kids’ friends, we parents have very similar views on what is acceptable behaviour and you might well find they back you up). Plus – I’m all about the benefits of acknowledging when we might have got things wrong at the moment – honesty can be good x

Oh Maxabella…my babies are all big now, and I still have those moments where I want to stop myself saying things even as I say them…even as I know better. I’d like to say you get better at it…but we are all human…console yourself that it can’t be unsaid, and sometimes kids need to know that they don’t just get a free pass to everything. Thinking of you – this sh** is hard! X

Oh goodness, I’ve almost been there and done that with the school meanies. I had to just take myself out of the equation and hope it ended well. The one and only time I did get involved when things were beyond ridiculous and I thought teachers should be involved, it didn’t end well.

It’s ok Bron, I think I would have done the same thing. In the moment all we feel is love and protection for our own children, especially if we know that they are in the right. It’s easy to look back on these things after the fact and wish we had made different decisions, but if we beat ourselves up about these moments every time they happen, we’d end up driving ourselves mad with guilt (which I know I do anyway – maybe I need to take my own advice?!).
I think what you did sounds reasonable actually – you were an example to Lottie of being assertive and confident. If Lottie had answered that girl with the exact words you used, how would you feel about it? If it were me and my own daughter, I think I’d be saying “Yes! Go girl!” Who knows, maybe this experience will have a positive effect on those girls’ behaviours?
Don’t give in Bron! Don’t invite them to the party! (I’m such a meanie)

That’s a really good way of looking at it, Mrs W. If Lottie had said that exact same thing in the exact same tone I used, I would have been proud of her for sticking up for herself and not putting up with meanness. Nice one, you’ve made me feel a lot better about the whole thing! x

Oh well you’ve just said the truth. Maybe sometimes we’re all being so nice we forget that some frank talking has it’s place. Birthday party invites are often fraught with difficulties. sigh.

Bit naughty this week and shared two links, finally have my podcast up and running and I thought you’d like the heads up.
And then I wrote a Mother’s Day piece which as it had sat in drafts for 3 years it was an interesting exercise to polish and publish cause I could also share a 3 year down the track perspective.

Lol. I loved your liners about Glenys and Beryl! Classic, although I’m sure I would get a case of the guilts if I’d let it slip too. When it comes to our kids, its easy to get on the defense. Kids, particularly girls (so I hear) can be particularly nasty in the playground and bring about all the politics, so I don’t think it can hurt if they get back a taste of their own medicine sometimes. Eat some Mars Bar slice and try and not worry about it too much xx

glad you’re out of the funk Bron! I think you did exactly the right thing, perfect role modelling for lottie and you’ve probably made beryl and Gladys think about their behaviour too.
I loved your yelling post, so glad to know I’m not the only yeller too! Xx

Good on you for standing up to Bezza and Glads. Maybe it will teach them to be keen and not mean. As for that Mars Bar creation, I’m still salivating about it. Hope your weekend is as sweet as that slice!

Oh Bron, I know that feeling. But, just a little, at the time it felt good, right? I asked seven year old Mavis (loving the retro names!) why she told everyone not to play with my Betty and Mavis then told Betty that I was being mean to her. I dreaded Mavis telling her rough looking mother, Beatrice. Why? Why? Why didn’t I shut up! But it did feel good at the time.

Eek! Same situation as me! And we’ve been saying in this thread that it’s a scary ordeal because the apple never does fall too far from the tree. But one thing I know for sure now is this: I don’t ever want my kids to think that it’s not okay to stand up for yourself. SO I’m okay with it. I’m glad I was a good role model to Lottie. x

Well, I realize you’re not too proud of the moment, but you were supporting your daughter – that is what is important. Perhaps those nasty girls will learn to be a bit nicer. (Though you now might have to avoid their mothers.) It did give me a good laugh though!

It’s not quite the same but we were at a playground recently and some older boys were being quite nasty to my 17-month-old. She is so friendly and loves other kids and I resisted the urge to step in and tell them off. When one of them pushed her over I did say something (very politely). I think we step in because we don’t want to see our babies hurt. For me, I didn’t want to see my little girls warm and loving spirit damaged because of some rough, naughty kids. We do need to let them sort themselves out but don’t be too hard on yourself for just being a loving mama bear.

Oh dear. I can’t recall mean girls starting so young but sounds like you’ve got a pickle and some extra inviting to do. Thanks for your honesty and the parenting pep talk most of us need with your posts on roaring, yelling. X

Good to hear lion mum has retreated for now Bron, all that roaring can hurt a lady’s throat! I personally applaud you saying that to the mini-meanies… they need to know that their bad behaviour is not going unnoticed – and is not without consequence.

I’ve quite a bi of catching up to do as I’ve been away but I’m getting there! Lion mum is a good term LOL Oh Bron – we’ve all been lion mum! Hope you’re not beating yourself up too much. Parenting is a bloody tough gig and we get no thanks. As for those 7 year old girls – I think you handled it well. If they are not nice friends, they don’t get invited to parties – a very good lesson to learn and yes even at 7. So glad you feel you’ve come out the other side of your funk! Take care! xo

I don’t think its bad. I think sometimes kids are overly protected by honesty, when really they can be so brutily honest without even realising it.
Give yourself some slack.
I wouldn’t be doing the invites either. Stick to your guns, don’t reward bad behaviour and they need to know it’s bad.
I wonder if they are like this because they have never been taught boundaries or that what they are doing is wrong.
Happy weekend lovely.xx

Hahaha, sorry I probably shouldn’t laugh, but I think it’s funny that you put the nasty 7 year olds in their place. Popette (6) is in Year 1 and in a class with a few 7 year olds. I can’t believe how early the cattiness starts these days. Here I thought there was still lots of ‘lets all be friends and play together’ like in Kindy how wrong was I. I hope Badoo has a great party, and doesn’t get too much grief from Beryl or Gladys. x

Thanks so much for the link up! Love your site and happy to share my writing and photography with you in such an easy way to share and upload.
Thanks again and looking forward to sharing more in the future!
Anita x

I’ve made two children cry recently (on separate occasions). They were both guilty of being very mean and physical with my little boy at play centres. One of them made him cry. So I stormed up and told them to stop being mean and to not push around kids that are smaller than them.
Felt a bit shit about it both times. But I think I’d still do it if it happened again. I know it’s a bit of a shock to kids when an adult scolds them, but why should we let them get away with being tiny arseholes? Plus I think it teaches our kids to stand up for themselves which is a good thing. If we show our kids that even we, as adults, will give in to the bullies, then how can we expect them to have the strength to do it? Don’t give in Bron. Don’t make them invites. They shouldn’t come and ruin your baby girl’s party. She shouldn’t be punished just because these little girls have had hissy fits.

I already worry about mean girls…why can girls be so mean?
I actually read a great article about mother celebrating other women and their daughters learning to follow suit…I will have to see if I can find it again.

Anyway, I think I am now inhabiting that tunnel.
I am just over it. Whatever “it” is. I am hoping to wake up tomorrow and find that “it” has passed.

Mostly “it” has gone for me, but a fair bit of it is going to take a considerable amount of change – both my attitude and the kids’. We are all on the way and that’s what matters.feeling hopeful is so important to me!!

I’ve heard about 7 year old girls – not looking forward to the mean girls stage! I would find it hard to bite my tongue too Bron. Perhaps your words might make Beryl and Gladys have a think about the way they have been treating people. Hope it all works out. Good on Lottie for standing her ground! xx