The unprovoked attack appeared as part of routine bullshit called Microsoft feature roll-up, a process during which Windows 10 users’ machines do hidden things with implied consent, “like magic.”

For years, Windows has milked its userbase for extra coke money.

In the latest update, a pop-up briefly explains that it has been a while since you paid Microsoft for something, so the Fall Creators’ Update is offering users a choice between premium digital licenses to kiss Bill Gates’ fuzzy, wrinkled ass, or else go fuck yourselves and downgrade to Home Edition for free.

A sleek, modern update portal now lets users subscribe to a random kick in the dick by simply doing nothing. Uncheck a box, or agree to recurring charges, because you deserve it. The first update’s on the house!

Bill Gates is trying to turn the third world in an empire of corporate nation states. His latest invention, the “waterless toilet” allows him to de-prioritize plumbing and other essential infrastructure plans in order for him to develop a global network of privatized water monopolies,