War and a New Life

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TheIanArmbiter of Good Fanfiction

Join date : 2009-06-12Location : Dining car on the Train of Time, DenLiner

Subject: War and a New Life Thu Aug 18, 2011 8:53 am

I will admit this; Bonita Prime, insane little spitfuck that she is, is entertaining. Though, normal insanity is no laughing matter, it's a terrible mental condition requiring therapy and not often a good thing among people. But in Bonita's case, it's a bit of an exception.

I waded through the Pit, coming up empty and decided to broaden my horizon on DA. And I found War and a New Life

It reads like how a Delorean steers. That's the best way I can describe this atrocity. Or would a Lamborghini be a better car metaphor? I dunno, but it's bad. The writing feels like an 8-year-old using random words to make a comprehensible sentence and it just comes out as incoherent babbling, like whenever Ann Coulter opens her mouth.

Did I mention there are two Mary Sues? Because that's kind of important.

Quote :

Is was a nice day on Cybertron when Elita and Causeway were both walking to were Alpha Trion was practicing his battle skills. "Hello Alpha Trion. How are you today?" Causeway said while yelling to him while Elita started to walk toward him. "Just stay here Causeway," Elita said while looking back at her. "Okay, okay." She replied to her while she stopped and watched her as she approached him.

My research into Alpha Trion indicates he's a sagely Autobot. I don't think, Bonita, he would be the kind to do battle.

But anyway, Elita and A3 talk for a while, about stuff and both go separate ways, rendering the set-up of this scene to be for the most part, pointless.

Quote :

Alpha Trion stopped what he was doing, "Hello there Elita. How are you and Optimus doing?" he asked. Elita looked at him, "Well we are doing just fine. Optimus and I are deciding to have a sparkling. We just don't know yet, but other then that everything is great." Alpha Trion just looked at her, "I am proud to hear that young one. Tell Optimus that I need to have a word with him." Alpha Trion said to her.

"It's about my appearance in the third Michael bay movie. I'm having second thoughts..."

Immediately following, Elita is upgraded to Elita-1 for some odd unspecific reason unexplained, must be a Mary-Suebot thing...

Quote :

Elita-1 agreed as she said, "Well I must get Causeway back, she is in training to be my next head leader someday." She said as she started to walk away telling Causeway, "Lets get you back to base and start your next session on combat fighting." Causeway Just looked at Elita and agreed and followed her back to the base.

So we skip to Elita and Causeway still on the way to base and meet up with my Lord and Savior Optimus Christ Prime.

Quote :

Optimus looked to see who came out of the space bridge, that's when he noticed Elita and a newcomer, walking up to where they where. "Hello Optimus." Elita said as she approached him while placing a kiss on his metal lips. "I see you missed me love," Optimus replied as he gave her a hug.

Excuse me a moment...

OK, back...

Thank you, Bonita, for ruining Optimus Prime for me! I really hope all that metal pinches when you and he spoon.

Quote :

Optimus looked at Causeway and said, "It every nice to meet you, my name is Optimus Prime."

Not even imagining Peter Cullen's voice could make this any better for me...

Quote :

Causeway couldn't help, but look at him while replying, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." Optimus smiled at her.

Who are you and what have you done with Optimus Prime?

After an abrupt departure because Causeway was flirting with Prime, and Elita "converses" with Megatron. But that isn't important enough to get its own scene, so we get this happening instead...

Quote :

Just then a small little robot, rolled up to the side of Causeway. "Hi," he said to her. "Hello I never seen you before little one," she replied. "My name is Wheelie, what is your name?" He asked. "My name is Causeway, I am the sister of Elita-1." Wheelie looked at her and said. "Oh her the one that's? Oh never mine," as he stopped talking suddenly. "The one what?" She asked. "Nothing," he said while speeding off.

And we ramp up the pointless scene count to 2.

And for a moment, we get something that almost resembles a bit of a personality. Then again, considering it's Bonita Prime, all the character's personalities are vapid, uninteresting and just need to go away.

Quote :

"I wonder what he was talking about?" She said to herself. As, she started to walk to where she would go at times to be alone. She sat there on a bench that was already there, she looked up at the sky and she started to think of why her sister treats her the way she does.

Another sign of the apocalypse: Bonita Prime attempts character development.

And just how convenient would it be that Optimus just happens by?

Quote :

"Excuse me, have you seen your sister Elita?" He asked her, as he sat down beside her. "Last time I saw her she was walking into a building with Megatron." Optimus looked at her, "What do you mean? That building right there?" He said pointing to a building next to the street not far from where they were sitting.

Causeway looked to where he was pointing and nodded lightly, "yes, that's the one. She goes in there all the time with him. That's why I am sitting here. I am waiting for her to come back out." Optimus just looked at her, as he sat down and started to talk to her while waiting for Elita as well.

Optimus: "...Yeah, I been everywhere. Crash-landed on Earth, transformed into a gorilla, we were the Maximals then. Awesome stuff."Causeway: "A gorilla?"Optimus: "Would have been a shark, but that would have been too silly."Causeway: "The archives mentioned a Cybershark."Optimus: "Who?"

In the end, it's a tender-loving moment between Causeway and Optimus, and DUNDUNDUN it's cliff-hanger. Not to worry, Bonita has parts 2 and 3 for you suffer through, because I certainly won't be.