Tag Archives: NaBloPoMo

1. Morning sky. Today is dreary and gray, so I’m appreciating the mornings that haven’t been even more.

2. Christmas decorations on the Poudre Trail. The people who decorate these three trees every year do so on Thanksgiving day, so the morning after on our walk, we went to check it out. It was still dark, so the pictures aren’t great.

3. I got a post placed, step two for my eventual tooth implant. It isn’t a fun process, but the people at my dentist office are super kind and careful and professional and it helps so much. When I first sat down, I asked to keep my coat to cover my legs because I always get so cold in there, and the assistant said, “oh no, honey, I’m getting you a blanket.” It was thick and red and soft and big and it made everything else easier. Two days later, I still feel pretty poopy, loopy, and tired, but also super lucky to have paid sick days and dogs who will cuddle with me and a husband who takes such good care of me.

4. My three boys. Ringo found a baby doll on one of our walks this week and carried her all the way home. Our front porch sometimes looks like the Island of Misfit Toys from all his finds. Sam is doing really well, up to walking 3.6 miles in the mornings, and he’s the best dog when you don’t feel good because he is perfectly happy to curl up beside you and nap for hours and hours. And Eric just wants me to feel better, does whatever I need to help make that happen.

Bonus joy: good books (almost finished with Children of Blood and Bone), good TV (Catfish is back), and good films (I know there was a some criticism about it, but Crazy Rich Asians was just what I needed yesterday), fresh orange juice, three days with nothing on my schedule so I can rest and heal.

1. Truth: We get confused about qualities of practice and thus make them small. For example, we think that compassion means “being nice” or “kindness” and in our confusion, we limit ourselves to that expression. As in the Andrew Boyd quote I shared the other day, “Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others.” Or, we think that confidence means being certain of the truth, feeling unshakably sure of ourselves, but as Susan Piver defines it, “Confidence is the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.”

2. Truth: Strength is a quality we limit. For example, in yoga, we often link strength to purely physical expressions, and in that manifestation we think it to mean simply being able to hold a particular pose for a long time or to being able to do an especially difficult or advanced pose. And yet, strength can be practicing with illness or injury, living with chronic pain or trauma, or experiencing strong emotions like grief or anger. To practice in that context, to have compassion for ourselves and others and not give up — that’s strength.

3. Truth: Flexibility is another quality we restrict. Again, in yoga asana practice, we think flexibility means being able to go deeper into a pose, to reach and stretch further and with more ease. However, flexibility is much more than that. We can practice flexibility when something about a pose doesn’t feel right for our body, and instead of giving up, we modify our approach, doing another variation of the pose or using props, or asking for help or even doing another pose altogether, and, this is key, we don’t beat ourselves up about it. We keep moving. We can practice being flexible when we come to the mat expecting or wanting a particular experience that just doesn’t work out. We can be fluid and not get stuck, keeping going and not give up.

One wish: On and off the mat, may we maintain an awareness of the ways we are strong and flexible. May we continue to practice staying open and awake. May we meet any resistance or confusion with curiosity and compassion.

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1. Me And White Supremacy – The Workbook from Layla Saad. I was lucky enough to do this as a challenge on Instagram led by Layla the first time she offered it, and highly recommend it. “Part education, part activation, the Me And White Supremacy Workbook is a first-of-its-kind personal anti-racism tool for people holding white privilege to begin to examine and dismantle their complicity in the oppressive system of white supremacy.”

3. Yes, We Can Have Hope on Lion’s Roar. “In this commentary from the Fall 2018 issue of Buddhadharma: The Practitioner’s Quarterly, Roshi Joan Halifax reflects on the idea of ‘wise hope’ and why we should open ourselves to it.”

5. The 100 Best Pens, As Tested by Strategist Editors. “Gels, ballpoints, rollerballs, felt-tips, and fountain pens — we tried them all.” My favorite Pentel Clarius was discontinued and I only have a few ink refills left because they also discontinued those, so I’m reading this with great interest.

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In my Facebook memories today, there was a quote I’ve shared for the past two years in a row. It still rings so true to me. I reshared it on Facebook and wanted to do so here too. It’s a good reminder, as I said yesterday, that just because it’s the right thing to do doesn’t mean it will be easy.

Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ~Andrew Boyd

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I get to take this whole weekend off. Since I started my 500 hour yoga teacher training, I’ve been busy every Sunday. Because of the holiday, we have tomorrow off from yoga teacher training, (although I do have homework I need to do to prepare for next week). Eric is still sick, so we don’t have plans — we walked dogs this morning, then I went to my Saturday Pilates class, got in the pool and sauna after, then I came home, ate leftovers, got on the couch and pretended to watch TV but slept though most of it. I just got off the phone after talking to my mom and remembered I hadn’t written a blog post yet today.

As I stand here typing, I realize I’m not sure if I have anything of value to tell you. What I can say is that on this week off from work, two conflicting feelings arise — one is how much better I feel being away from the stress and overwhelm and confusion of that particular effort, and two is the closer I get to quitting and being done, the more anxiety I start to feel about money. There are going to be some big adjustments and there are times it’s going to feel hard and I might even second guess my choice, and yet I KNOW it’s the right thing to do, that I will feel so much better and be some version of happy and things will work out and we’ll be fine. That’s the thing about the right thing — just because it’s right doesn’t mean it’s perfect or even easy.

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1. Morning sky, preferably on a morning walk, although to be fair I haven’t been on many this week. My knees have not been doing too good lately. I’m trying to not be sad about it, but it’s hard when you are hurting and just want to be able to move.

2. The season between Thanksgiving and Christmas. That’s when Eric starts sitting in front of the “fire,” and naps and cuddling are the biggest priorities.

4. Eric. He’s been sick all week with a cold, but he still is out walking the dogs and making good food.

5. Ringo and Sam. Sam has been taking a bit longer walks and still doing okay, so our fingers and paws are crossed that will stick. Ringo turned FIVE this week. Time goes way way way too fast.

Bonus joy: sweet potatoes with butter and brown sugar, the Gooseberry jam my aunt sent me, sparkling apple cider, my infrared heating pad, sleeping in, a warm shower, leftovers for days, getting our snow tires on, having the week off because we both really really needed it, good TV (I just finished watching the first season of I’m Sorry which was hilarious), good books (I’m finally reading Children of Blood and Bone, so good), teaching yoga, Pilates, the weekend off from yoga teacher training.

1. Truth: Everything You Learned About Thanksgiving Is Wrong (article on The New York Times). “Not to rain on our Thanksgiving Day parade, but the story of the first Thanksgiving, as most Americans have been taught it, is not exactly accurate.” The innocent, feel good narrative of Native Americans and Pilgrims celebrating and feasting together is a fairy tale that obscures the truth about how we treated and continue to treat indigenous people. To ignore that truth and stuff your face, to rejoice about all the things you are thankful for, to rest and relax in the company of friends and family without taking even a moment to honor the harm that has been done to enable your good fortune and recommit to doing better is just gross.

2. Truth: The mistreatment of indigenous people continues. For example, Mashpee Wampanoag Tribe welcomed Pilgrims, but loses land on eve of Thanksgiving. There are so many more examples it’s an exhausting, overwhelming, unrelenting consideration. In this context, what does “Make America Great Again” really mean? What does it mean to have a day — a national holiday — where we celebrate ourselves, give thanks for all that we have but completely ignore all the suffering we’ve caused?

One wish: May we fully know and face the truth. May we make reparations, strive to heal the hurt, turn our effort toward undoing the damage and easing the suffering. May we experience the joy of good food and good company without the taint of greed and oppression. May we experience the gratitude of doing the right, just, honorable thing. May we ALL be truly free to experience life and liberty, to pursue happiness.