2016 Nanowrimo

What’s the key to unlocking publishing doors? A great pitch! Earlier this year, we taught a live webinar on how to craft a pitch that’ll grab the attention of agents, publishers, booksellers, and readers. The recording is now available for everyone to view.

The Art of the Book Pitch

Learn the art and science of the seemingly impossible task of boiling your book down into 250 words or less.

Nano Nation: You are all WINNERS! We had such a blast with this year’s National Novel Writing Month Pitchapalooza. So many AWESOME pitches, so much AMAZING imagination, such an ASTOUNDING display of dizzying talent. Thanks so much to all the writers who participated in this year’s NaNoWriMo Pitchapalooza! As always, we got so many fabulous pitches it was stupidly hard to choose a winner. But choose we did. And the winner is …

MAY K. COBB is the winner for her book Big Woods. She wrote a glorious pitch with a vivid voice, scintillating story, gripping characters, and luscious location. Amazing job, May! She will receive an introduction to an agent or publisher appropriate for her manuscript.

The Fan Favorite this year is KELLY BRAKENHOFF for her book Death by Dissertation! She gets a free one-hour consultation with us (worth $250). Congratulations!

Sign up for our newsletter to receive advice on writing and getting published. We’ll also include info on our live Pitchapaloozas and workshops around the country. Visit us on Facebook and Twitter. And if any of you wonderful wacky Wrimos buys a copy of our book The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published, you will receive a free 20-minute consultation, worth 100 American dollars. Just send proof of receipt to david@thebookdoctors.com.

We’re hosting a free webinar on Thursday, April 7th at 8PM EDT. During the webinar, we’ll be teaching the art of the pitch. A great pitch can open so many doors for you. A terrible pitch pretty much assures that those doors will remain closed. We will also answer any questions about pitching, publishing, writing, books, or the nature of the universe. We hope to see you on April 7th.

758. That’s how many pitches we got from our awesome NaNoWriMo friends. As you can see below, we got everything from future midwives to murder-solving college administrators to husband and wife pirate teams, to virtual reality transgendering all the way from Botswana. We think it is a testament to the amazing imagination, wonderful skill, and literary daring of Wrimos the world over. Though only 25 of the 758 pitches are critiqued below, everyone should be able to take away information from these critiques and apply it to your pitch. If you read the critiques carefully, you will see certain commonalities. Too much telling, not enough showing. Too much book-report writing, not enough beautiful prose. Hardly any comparable titles. Not enough insight into our heroes. Not enough details about the dastardly villains we’re dying to hate.

Now for the 411: The 25 pitches below were selected randomly. Our comments follow each pitch. It’s our mission to try to help all you amazing writers not just get published, but get successfully published. That’s why we’ve told you what works, but also what needs to be improved.

On April 1st, we will name a winner. But, in the mean time, don’t let our opinion sway you. What story intrigues you? What pitch would prod you from the couch to the bookstore (or, if you’re really lazy, to buy it online)? This year, we’ve made it easy for you to vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

But please note: YOU CAN ONLY VOTE ONCE! So please choose carefully. Don’t just read the first couple of pitches — read them all. You owe it to your fellow Wrimos. Encourage your friends, family and random strangers to vote for you via the link to the poll. We will also be posting these pitches—a couple a day–on our Facebook page. We encourage anyone to “like” your entry but only poll votes from the webpage will count towards the Fan Favorite.

This year, we’re doing something new and special. We’re hosting a free webinar on Thursday, April 7th at 8PM EST. During the webinar, we’ll be teaching the art of the pitch. A great pitch can open so many doors for you. A terrible pitch pretty much assures that those doors will remain closed. We will also answer any questions about pitching, publishing, writing, books, or the nature of the universe, mankind, womankind, life, love and death. Details to follow, but mark your calendars now!

Finally, through April 1st, we are still offering a free 20-minute consult (worth $100) to anyone who buys a copy of our book The Essential Guide To Getting Your Book Published, which was updated in July 2015! The new edition includes information on e-books, crowdfunding, social media, micro-publishing, and more. It retains all the topics covered in the earlier edition, including how to get an agent, self-publishing, and marketing. Just email us (david@thebookdoctors.com) a copy of your receipt and we’ll be in touch to set up a time to talk.

Murder at Tulip Time was written during NaNoWriMo 2014 and is a murder mystery romance set against the pageantry of the annual Dutch Tulip Festival in Holland, Mich.

Drawing tens of thousands of tourists, this year’s flower fest gets off to a disturbing start when the body of the town recluse is found strangled and planted in a tulip bed in the shadow of the towering DeZwaan Windmill.

Digging for the truth behind the murder, local crime reporter John Garth battles for the big stories against his arch competitor and girlfriend Jennifer Jono Ines as the body count rises. The motive could be the discovery by the deceased of a century old fraud that could make him and others multi-millionaires but rip apart the fabric of this God-fearing community. Things get personal for Garth when his car is rammed into the path of a speeding semi truck and he has to solve the murder himself before he gets killed. Prime suspects range from the city’s brash Irish mayor to a rich businessman who could lose everything by the revelation. Or, is it a competitive tulip grower seeking to create the illusive black tulip? There are plenty of suspects. But Garth pins it down to one improbable killer and a fight to the death on the spinning blades of the DeZwaan Windmill.

I am a full-time author and freelance writer living in the Tulip Capital of the world, Holland, Mich. I have 9,000 bylined stories online.

The Book Doctors: We love the hook of this pitch. The Dutch Tulip Festival. Holland, Mich.. Not only is this just cool, it has regional appeal, and what the heck, you could actually sell this book at the Dutch Tulip Festival, if there is one. It has a great team at the center of it: an arch competitor/love interest, speeding 18 wheelers, black tulips, and murder, murder, murder. The specificity of the black tulip, and the DeZawaan WinMail are what set this book apart. But again, too much telling and not enough showing. We want you to paint us beautiful pictures of what the tourists look like, what the flowers look like, and instead of telling me it’s disturbing to find a body strangled and planted in a Tulip bed, really show it to me, show me the Windmill, and make me disturbed. Because we didn’t feel a jolt at this murder. “Digging for the truth behind the murder” feels redundant because that’s what every crime reporter does. Don’t tell us things we already know. And show us our heroes together, maybe finding the body, so we can feel confident that you can create a scene full of sexual chemistry, tension and suspense. We don’t really know enough about our hero, or his love interest. What are the inner demons they are fighting against? We don’t really understand who the “him” is who’s going to get rich from the century old fraud. You haven’t really told us enough about the God-fearing community for us to care about them. We are not emotionally invested in those people. And we think that the speeding truck should be presented much more dramatically, so it gets our heart beating faster. The villains, frankly, seemed rather like clichés that we’ve seen 100 times. Also, we don’t really get a sense of the series of harrowing, crazy, madcap tulip-centric events that are going to give us plot twists and turns which will be exciting and satisfying, yet wonderfully unexpected. Plus, there’s a spelling mistake. We can’t emphasize enough how important it is proofread when submitting. And please, someone explain this to us, because we don’t understand it, where are all the comparable titles? We are very impressed that you have 9000 bylined stories, give us a couple of examples that display your self-deprecating humor, and the wide swath of your interests and expertises. Great hook for a murder mystery, interesting dynamic with the main characters, needs more specificity, local color, and some idea of the madcap plot twists that are going to entertain and delight us.

Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

A seventh century Arab general, an American robotics engineer, a Tunisian activist and her journalist fiancé, and a famous Moroccan explorer; each have a tale bound together in a novel of exploration, self discovery, and betrayal that spans centuries.

When Todd Wittry is invited to work on an astounding piece of technology — a space elevator — for an aerospace tech startup, he moves to the Middle East and learns firsthand the meaning of the term ‘culture shock.’ His journey intertwines with that of Amina Hannachi, a Tunisian activist and her journalist fiancé Ali ibn Abd al-Aziz who are attempting to build on the success of Tunisia’s Arab Spring revolution. Paralleling these modern day tribulations is the account of several of North Africa’s most famous historical figures, whose adventures eventually shape the world Amina, Todd, and Ali fight to save.

The Prophet’s Ladder is a historical science fiction novel, complete at 53,000 words.

The Book Doctors: This is a very cool idea and very timely. It’s got historical figures, culture shock, activists, fiancés, and a space elevator. We have no idea what that is, but it sounds absolutely awesome. All that being said, this pitch is not everything it needs to be. First of all, start with your title. As we said earlier, when you mention your title, it makes your book seem more like a book. Second, that first sentence is just way too long and packed with way too much stuff. By the time we get about halfway through, we’re completely lost, and have no idea who anybody is. When David was making his living as a screenwriter in Hollywood, he once had a meeting with someone at the Roger Corman company. Roger Corman was a B-movie producer who made like 10,000 films. Every single one of them made money. The executive told David that the first thing Roger Corman would do when he started a project, before writing a word, was design the poster. This forced him to ask: Who’s the star on the poster? We don’t know who’s the star on your poster. Yes, it could be one of those posters with five different stars on it, but those stories usually don’t do as well as the stories that just have one star. It’s very difficult to pitch a story with lots of characters. Usually we suggest that you pick one of your characters and make that person the hero for the purpose of the pitch. When you start your pitch by telling me it’s a novel of exploration and self discovery one part of our brains just shut off. In a certain sense, every novel is a story of exploration and self discovery. You have to start off with a bang or a hook that gets inside us and won’t let go. There’s also too much tell, not enough show. Show us that space elevator. If you’re going to dangle the idea of famous historical figures, and deliver us at least some specifics of who they are. Very of-the-moment, sounds taut, tense and brimming with fascinating characters going through amazing changes, just not enough specifics of who these people are, what the action of the book is, and the world the author is taking us to.

Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

“The brave are filled with fear, but they do not close their eyes,” whispers the rhinoceros Forticor to Boshko—just moments before Forticor is killed, his horn hacked off, and Boshko himself is kidnapped.

Boshko has always been the runt, the loser, the frightened one. It’s no wonder that his father, the great warrior and chief of the village, has so little to say to him. Now, dragged away from the pastures of Africa and shipped to cosmopolitan Rema, he must consider what Forticor’s words mean as he labors beside hundreds of other slaves in the state-owned Complex. It is here that objects of power—like Forticor’s horn—are stored in shrines and used to make Reman weapons powerful enough to rule the empire. Boshko’s bravery is soon put to the test when the powerful Senator Julius makes him a secret offer—freedom and a voyage home in exchange for stealing the horn for his private use. Would Forticor have approved? Probably not. But if instead, Boshko steals the horn for himself and smuggles it back to Africa where it belongs—now that will take courage.

I am a high school Latin teacher, who has been telling Greek and Roman myths to my students for the past ten years now, and I have enjoyed exploring what I consider the magical world of Roman culture.

The Book Doctors:What a slam bang crackerjack opening. So filled with action. Shocking and gruesome. Plus surreal magic realism of a talking rhinoceros. Tied in, no doubt, we already suspect, with the horrific hot-button topic of the extermination of animals because humans believe they have magical and powerful qualities. We love that you then give us a thumbnail sketch of our hero, the detail of him being a runt and the idea of him being a loser. We immediately find ourselves rooting for him to succeed. You have very quickly gotten us to emotionally bond with this character. Very well done. We also see that he’s been rejected by his father, by his family, and now he follows in the long tradition of innocents enslaved against their will by cruel greedy masters. The pitch loses us a little when we get to the part about the objects of power being stored and used to make powerful weapons. How are these weapons different than all the other weapons we’ve seen in all the other stories we’ve read? But you put us right back in the saddle when he is called upon by the rich and powerful Senator to steal the horn. And thus the plot is set into motion. The problem is, we really only have what amounts to a great set up for a story. We want to know more about the escalating series of events as our hero goes on his Odyssey with the rhinoceros’s horn. And we want some kind of answer to the question: How does the rhinoceros talk? If he’s not in an Ionesco play, that is. You say that you want to explore the magical world of Roman culture, but we don’t get enough of that in this pitch; particularly the nuts and bolts specifics of what is magical in your world. Fascinating story about the power of animals, the resilience of runts, the horrors of slavery, Africa and courage. We need to see more of the plot, and understand more of the machinations of this strange and fantastical world the author is taking us into.

Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

College freshman Zuri Masozi grew up in a simulated world, Virtualis, where he and his friends are integrated to expensive downloadable apps that allows them to modify their gender, race and body size. He can be anything he wants to be: male, female, old, sexy. So when the medical-procedure day arrives for the eighteen-year-old boy, he’s eager for a gender change. To him the medical procedure allows him to be what he’s always desired: a girl. In Virtualis there are no surgical cuts and there are procreation options. Virtualis is idyllic unlike Realum the reality-based world Zuri abhors.

But, when a group of outsiders, Viroids, instigate attacks to overthrow Virtualis, Zuri fights to terminate them according to the government’s strict regime: by being both a student and a soldier—the perfect patriot for a dying city. Like hell will she lose her ‘selected’ gender when she’d waited years to become a woman. Virtualis is her sanctuary and the way she sees it: nothing will stand in her way to preserve it. Only, she’s clueless as to what happens to their plugged-in bodies in Realum.

VIROID is an Adult science-fiction complete at 77,000 words. VIROID hosts a multicultural diverse cast concerning their struggles with their gender, race and sexuality as they battle to survive in a power-hungry commercialist world much like Moxyland by Lauren Beukes á la Ghost in a Shell.

The Book Doctors: The issue of transitioning genders, the fluidity of sexual identity, and the choice of how one carries oneself through the world is of much interest at the moment. And we’ve never seen this issue tackled quite like this. It’s fascinating to create a virtual world where one can become whomever one wants to be without having to undergo surgery or any other physical change. Fascinating, compelling and unique. It’s everything we want in a book, taking a topic we’re interested in, and giving it a new treatment. That being said, we don’t understand enough of how the virtual world and the real world interact and coexist. It will be great to give us some word pictures of our hero/heroine in both places. We also don’t get an idea of who the Viroids are, what they look like, why they’re so intent on destroying the virtual world. And it’s a little unclear when the pronoun changes from male to female. We also, again, don’t see a series of events that escalate and lead to a fiery climax. We like the comparable title. We don’t quite see enough of the power-hungry commercialized world in the pitch and would like to see more of that because it is an of-the-moment villainous entity. And we’d like to see more of the interior of our hero, besides the fact that he/she wants to save the world and go from being a man to a woman. Shine a light inside him/her so we can see what it’s like to be in a body that’s the wrong sex. We love the fact that you’re from Botswana, and we have no idea how to pronounce your name, but it seems like it will sound absolutely wonderful when spoken aloud. Fantastic idea for addressing an issue which obsesses a nation, a very post-modern take on gender fluidity and assignment. Not a clear enough picture of how this world works, and who exactly our hero is.

Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

Percy Minor is an aspiring actress trying to survive in 1920s Hollywood, where desperate would-be ingénues are the ultimate party favors at smart celebrity dos. When her roommate is murdered along with Louis B. Mayer’s latest pet director, Edmund Cantor, Percy is faced with an ultimatum: team up with the Big Five studios’ sinister private police force, the Shadow Squad, to unmask the killer or become the Squad’s next victim.

Percy finds unexpected allies among Los Angeles’ most vulnerable: Pike, a gay member of the Shadow Squad; his lover Tony, an LAPD detective; and Estelle, a female Pinkerton hired to dig up blackmail material on Percy. Together, they discover that Cantor’s murder may be linked to his murky Broadway past.

Percy’s investigation leads her to a high-end brothel, the notorious Garden of Allah, and even gangster Mickey Cohen. But as the body count climbs, she realizes that she is probing a mystery that Mayer may not want solved. And in an era when vulnerable young women can simply vanish and the murder of a gay man wouldn’t raise an eyebrow, she must bring down the Shadow Squad if she hopes to escape with her life.
It’s a long fall from the Hollywood Heights.

The Book Doctors: We’re suckers for Hollywood stories. David even wrote one himself. There’s a wonderful tradition, and a big fan base, for a noirish story with tragically flawed heroes, cool-as-hell villains with their huge brute muscle-headed minions, and of course the drop-dead dames with their glamorous gams. The difficulty is that there have been so many stories written about this little part of the world, from the old school stylings of Raymond Chandler in The Big Sleep, to the neo-noir of James Elroy in LA Confidential, to the modern madness of Don Winslow in Savages. So when you start your pitch with the phrase “aspiring actress” we’re already bored. Swear to God, that’s all it takes. If you have to go through 50 pitches every day, just looking for some reason to say no, that phrase shines like a neon cliché sign. You have to show us how your writing is different, fresh, a new take on a time-honored tradition. When you use general generic words like “sinister” and “murky”, we drift. As Arielle says, a pitch is like a poem, every word counts. The gay angle is interesting, but that was one of the key plot points in LA Confidential. What are you going to do that we haven’t seen before? And there’s not enough word pictures that show us this fabulous world you’re promising us. Inside the brothel for example. At the lavish parties. Bathe us in that spectacular lavish era. Vulnerable women and gay men get chewed up and spit out in Tinsel Town then disappear; that’s been the staple of these kinds of stories since the 1930s. We need to see more of how you are going to add something to this genre. The way you introduce the murders is also quite undramatic. It’s a dead body. And you bury it in the middle of the sentence. Jolt us with that dead body. And speaking of sentences, the second sentence is just TOO LONG. We can’t remember where we were at the beginning by the time we get to the end. We tried reading the sentence out loud. It was so exhausting we needed a nap by the time we were done. We didn’t get enough of a climax either. We want you to show us worst-case scenario, what’s going to happen to this dame: details, word pictures, make sure we’re hanging by our fingertips off the edge of the cliff thinking: She can’t possibly overcome these seemingly insurmountable odds. A great setting, stylish writing, very promising, not enough specificity, not enough plot, not enough twists and turns, or details from the Hooray for Hollywood Golden Years.

Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

One Act of Defiance merges detailed medical and birth scenes with commercial, high-action—Call the Midwife meets Divergent—a 55,000 word YA novel about a young midwife of the future who risks her life on a quest for freedom. Mark Spencer, award-winning author of A Haunted Love Story, said my writing is “Compelling, vivid, and fast-paced.”

After her mother is executed for treason, seventeen-year-old Naya, must take over as midwife. When she is asked not to implant a baby with a potentially life-threatening tracer, Naya chooses compassion over obedience to the ruthless government—the same crime that got her mother shot. As a deo, Naya must spend three days a week in military training games. Naya excels in the training and secretly loves her instructor, Jairan. But she uncovers the disturbing truth that their “games” are actually remote drone attacks in the Continent’s plot to take over the world. Naya’s knowledge makes her an enemy of the Continent, and it is Jairan’s job to hunt Naya down and kill her. Naya joins with the rebels and discovers that their leader is her father—long thought dead. They must expose the Continent’s plot and stop them, or their people will never be free.

I’m passionate about birth and work as a birth doula when I’m not homeschooling my six wild and wonderful children. I anticipate the promotional support of the birth community of midwives and doulas of North America. One Act of Defiance has series potential.

The Book Doctors:We love the idea of a midwife from the future as the heroine of a book. When we had our child, we had a doula and a midwife, and honestly, we don’t know what we would’ve done without them. We love that you establish your credentials as the mother of six, and as someone who has actually brought life into the world. Respect. We really enjoy the idea of the guy that our heroine has a secret love for is the one who is sent out to kill her. We would like to know if he shares her feelings. We do make a serious emotional connection with young Naya. She seems like such a worthy person, taking over for her murdered mother, choosing compassion over obeying an evil government. We find ourselves rooting for her. And that’s huge in this kind of book. Heck, in any kind of book where there’s a plot and characters. And it’s great when she uncovers the fact that the training exercises she and her compadres are participating in our actually remote drone attacks. Again, the fact that she joins the rebels and wants to fight against evil in this very specific way makes us love Naya, and turns us into cheerleaders for her. The long-lost dead father is a nice touch. But we don’t quite get enough word pictures of this world that you are creating for us. How is it different from the world we live in? We need to have a few more pieces of action where we see Naya helping a woman who’s in trouble give birth, fighting against the evil government, going face-to-face with her love interest, reuniting with her father. And these must escalate us towards a wild climax. Again, you don’t want to give away the ending, you want to leave us cliff-hanging. But we don’t get enough of the plot as it plays out in your story. Wonderful main character, a midwife from the future, something we haven’t seen yet in the 20,000 pitches we’ve read or heard. Lots of cool details, just need to see more clearly what this world is, and how the action is going to unfold.

Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

Ariella’s blue eyes reflected back the blue of the ocean as if from the same brush stroke. She hadn’t even bothered to bring shoes or a towel. Visitors needed accessories to survive a day at sea while she, a seaside dweller, only needed the sea to survive. Her pink lips curved up in a smirk as one of the mothers nearby dropped a bag of chips into the sand and it was instantly seized by seagulls as pillage. All she knew was she needed nothing besides those white, constant crests and a surfboard to be happy. Ary pushed back her hair which was crisp to the touch from the dried salt and sand of yesterday. She bent down to grab her pink and blue surfboard and sighed. A tiny, half dollar sized crab was perched on the top of her foot. She shook her head to herself as she gently took the sweetly sleeping crab off of her foot before she hoisted up her board with one arm and no effort. The crab scuttled away as if apologetic.

There was no explaining the way sea creatures loved her. There was no explaining a lot about Ariella— her mother’s disappearance, her best friend’s inability to return her affection, his brother’s disappearance, her eccentric father, and a town with whom Ariella has a personal relationship with every surfer bum, sea turtle and tourist shop owner. And that’s not even listing her newfound ability to drown and survive.

The Book Doctors: This is an intriguing pitch. It leaves us curious, which is, ultimately, the goal of any great pitch. But while we are curious, we are not entirely sold. We don’t really know enough. You spend the first two-thirds of the pitch describing our heroine, and some of that is great, because we do really emotionally bond with her. But she’s also kind of mean, which concerned us. Why does she feel so superior to the visitor who loses her chips? We also don’t feel you can spend so much time elaborately detailing her approach to the ocean with her surfboard. Then the next small paragraph goes by so fast, we don’t really understand how any of this manifests into the plot of a book. It becomes a laundry list. Not a story. We want to know that you are capable of showing us a new and fascinating way that a human has a relationship to sea creatures who love her. We want to see how she interacts with surfer bombs and sea turtles alike. But most of all, we want to understand exactly how it is that she drowns and survives. Of course, we don’t want you to give away everything. But you don’t give away enough at the moment. We don’t understand what this character desperately wants that she doesn’t have. We don’t see a series of events which lead to a fiery climax. And once again, we have no comparable titles. Beautifully rendered portrait of a world and a woman, intriguing possibilities of heretofore unseen relationships with sea creatures, living, dying and drowning. Pitch is too thin, needs meat on its bones, unclear how any of this potentially amazing stuff is actually going to manifest.

Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).