I think what's really going on is, that I am one of those people who grew up in an abusive home, and and was bullied growing up and never learned how to deal with things emotionally. I fixed things on the outside physically, I became strong, I learned how to defend myself to make sure i was never bullied again, and continually convinced myself that having feelings or feeling bad about what happened as a kid made me a *****.

The main reason I thought specwar was for me, is so I didn't have to feel anymore, I wanted to be attached to a SEAl team as the demolitions guy, to **** those people up who impose their will on others who can't defend themselves. I have used revenge as my motivation in life, but what I didn't realize is how you lose your humanity in the process. You have no room to be emotional, and I was looking for a new family that actually had my back, I guess similar to gang mentality. It was the first time in my life I ever tried to step up and I failed, and took it hard, and honestly sometimes I still do.

I never learned how to be at peace with myself and it is obvious from my recent behavior. I just asked my gf today, "after comments came in that there was more to the story" as to how I reacted in the situation a few days back, and she said that my expression was scary, and she was more afraid of me than the other guy, so even though I didn't say much to him, the way I said it must have been intense enough for him to react that way. I must have been so belligerently angry that I wasn't even capable of noticing it. Maybe this is what I was trying to explain before about blacking out, sometimes I get so angry that i can't even see who I am angry with literally.

I masked most of my adult life by hiding in a bottle, and about 6-10 (wasn't counting) months ago I stopped drinking heavily (1/2 a 5th and 4-5 beers a day, almost everyday) I have been frustrated with myself as a man and have been taking things that aren't even related to me personally.

With some of the comments earlier today, I went to Buddhist temple and literally broke down, I think today was the first time I have bawled like a little girl since I was told that I could not continue with my training in the Navy, I guess I was hurting more than I knew. I am sick of feeling like this, and I am sick of acting like a coward emotionally. Many of you were right to point the finger, that essentially I could have avoided all of this if I didn't act like an asshole in return to the other guy and just let it go.

I know that I was specwar material because I use to be good at keeping my cool, and I guess that part of me is trying subdue the uncontrolable asshole from within. Which is why I am training MT now, to be a warrior in the ring, and not a coward to myself or family outside in public. It's hard for any man to accept their faults, but I guess deep down I do want to change, because i can't live like this anymore.

Many of you might still think I am a dick, and get it, I am fucked up, but I am trying my best to become the man I should be, instead of the guy that is too afraid to be at peace with himself. It's my personal I battle with everyday, I appreciate the constructive criticism, maybe i just needed a smack in the back of the head to admit what instinctively I already knew. Anyway I have pretty thick skin, and can take it, but I appreciate the insight, take care guys and aloha.

"Judo is a study of techniques with which you may kill if you wish to kill, injure if you wish to injure, subdue if you wish to subdue, and, when attacked, defend yourself" - Jigoro Kano (1889)
***Was this quote "taken out of context"?***

"The judoist has no time to allow himself a margin for error, especially in a situation upon which his or another person's very life depends...."
~ The Secret of Judo (Jiichi Watanabe & Lindy Avakian), p.19

"Hope is not a method... nor is enthusiasm."
~ Brigadier General Gordon Toney

Either way, **** was bothering me, I figured other guys might have been through similar situations. But I won't drop anymore of my issues on here. Thanks for helping me rationalize **** take care.

That wasn't directed at you. You have every right to be mad at the threats made towards your family. Machete was so busy being sarcastic, he missed the part where you filled in the back story that lead to some of the comments.

I agree with him. Shotgun > bat or knife.
You worried about lethal intent and the law? Don't shoot to kill. Provied first aid while the authorities are on the way. If your life is in danger to the degree that it's actually time to shoot taking your chances with the law is probably better than the alternative.

What I don't see after back tracking to see what I "missed" is how the shotgun thing applies to a comon verbal exchange in a parking lot.

Read it and still don't see what that has to do with the parking lot thing. You people are trying to paint a gun as legaly dubious. How do you think the D.A. and the jury are going to feel about a shanking? WTF?

Anyways, as for your question;

Range and power for one. Intimidation factor for another. The perp doesn't know what's going to come out of the gapping black .72" maw that is a 12guage shotgun barrel. Whatever it is isn't going to be good. Less lethal / non-lethal, ect, would you want to be pegged repeatedly with any variation of projectile travelling at @ 1200fps?

The shotgun can also perform bludgeoning dutty as well as a baseball bat if it has to.

"You people are trying to paint a gun as legaly dubious"- well- because it is.

"Less lethal / non-lethal, ect, would you want to be pegged repeatedly with any variation of projectile travelling at @ 1200fps?" -No i wouldnt- but considering the 'less lethal' option can still kill- and either way regardless of amunition you legally have to be able to defend resorting to a firearm.

Considering that- and bearing in mind that EVEN at its MOST effective- 'less lethal' ammo has NO guarantee that it will stop a person.

That wasn't directed at you. You have every right to be mad at the threats made towards your family. Machete was so busy being sarcastic, he missed the part where you filled in the back story that lead to some of the comments.

To go schoolyard, you started it.

No sweat Fake, and yeah I know and at this point I would never want to put them at risk again so I will just shut my mouth and let it go from now on. I am only recently new to family life, so it's one of those stupid mistakes i have just learned from the hard way which kind of hit me hard. I can't be selfish anymore and just do whatever the hell I want because now others are in the equation. It wouldn't have bothered me at all if it was just me, but I think that's a given for most guys in here that have a decent grasp of self defense.

"I agree with him. Shotgun > bat or knife.
You worried about lethal intent and the law? Don't shoot to kill. Provied first aid while the authorities are on the way. If your life is in danger to the degree that it's actually time to shoot taking your chances with the law is probably better than the alternative."

As for the ***** shotgun I guess I do worry about civil lawsuits, and again the whole being new to family I didn't want to bring any unnecessary ruin to us financially so even though there is a castle law enacted here, I know I don't live in Texas so I need to learn the law better. But I think in the end my friend SS-P226 will suffice to defend the homestead being a decent shot, I should have a good advantage over the home intruder.

"What I don't see after back tracking to see what I "missed" is how the shotgun thing applies to a comon verbal exchange in a parking lot."

I didn't intend to but I accidentally hijacked the thread when talking importance about keeping the family safe, and how I did the complete opposite because I let my temper get the best of me. Originally I was interested in the thread, to see how others handle home defense but as we can all see it spiraled a bit to hell and back from me being stuck on being pissed off for the comments towards the family. Which I apologize to Spectral for.

LMAO @ Jim Jude I can't even get pissed with Zulu making that fffing face! Plus that's a pretty mean beard man.

Well- my disagreement is with your idea of a 'less lethal' shotgun lowering your risk of civil and legal lawsuits . .. i think the reality is the exact opposite.

Loading your shotgun with 'less lethal' ammo has no bearing in your liability with using the shotgun. (less lethal can still kill-)
So is the increase in range- worth it- for the LIMITS in stopping power?

In my opinion- no. I think considering you will face EXACTLY the same liability- i would suggest leaving the 'less lethal' ammo for cops . ..