Major British newspaper, The Guardian, has this to say about bizarro fiction…

Bizarro fiction: it’s terribly good

Have you discovered the genre that can be stupid and intelligent at the same time?

Jeff Burk’s Shatnerquake is the story of William Shatner. Yes: Wiliam Shatner. All of the characters he has ever played are suddenly sucked into our world on a mission to hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner. As one Amazon reviewer insightfully states, if you have ever wondered what would happen if William Shatner came face to face with the incarnation of every character he ever played, then “this is the book for you”. It is also, undeniably, Shatnertastic.

Shatnerquake is a comparatively mild example of the Bizarro fiction genre. Bizarro fiction defines itself as the literary equivalent of the cult film section in a video store, taking inspiration from films such as Repo Man and Eraserhead. It aims to satisfy the demands of readers who are looking for weird, in the same way other readers go looking for action or romance. Starting a decade ago with the work of indie publishers Raw Dog Screaming Press, Afterbirth Books and Eraserhead Press, the genre now has over a dozen small publishers, its own convention and an increasing cult status among readers and writers who know weird when they see it.

If the history of Bizarro fiction is ever long enough to look back on, it’s likely that Carlton Mellick III will loom large over the retrospective. If Shatnerquake typifies the screwball exuberance of Bizarro fiction, then Carlton Mellick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves, Mellick is a true artist. Satan Burger, The Cannibals of Candyland, Adolf in Wonderland, War Slut, The Haunted Vagina, The Faggiest Vampire, The Baby Jesus Butt Plug, and my personal alliterative favourite, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. These are titles that fail to offend only because of their blatant offensiveness, and illustrate Bizarro’s fascination with the vulgar, smutty, distasteful and crude.

It’s a fascination that you might feel has been taken too far with Cameron Pierce’s outrageously titled Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. The book tells the story of a fantasy world where black snow falls in the shape of swastikas, and a nightmarish, fairytale version of the Auschwitz prison camp. Prisoners 999 and 1001, conjoined twin brothers, are forced to endure the sadistic tortures of the Ass Goblins and work all day constructing bicycles and sex dolls out of dead children as they plan their escape. Ass Goblins is deliberately distasteful and offensive, an exercise in identifying the boundaries of common decency and overstepping them, over and over again, and might see Cameron Pierce lynched by rampaging mobs of Daily Express readers if he ever ventures into the UK. In an era when very little remains shocking, Pierce might have actually managed to create a genuinely disturbing work of fiction, the literary equivalent of Schindler’s List rewritten by the Marquis De Sade and filmed as a Tim Burton animated feature.

For a more charming (if less fascinatingly titled) entry to Bizarro fiction try Cursed, the second novel by Jeremy C Shipp. Here you can meet Nicholas, a man who believes he has been cursed to be slapped every day. And Cicely, Nicholas’s love interest, who is convinced that the fate of the world depends on never putting the tennis ball down. Together they seek out other victims of the curse, and confront the malevolent Pete. Cursed is like an episode of Seinfeld as written by Chuck Palahniuk: a clever, funny, meaningful and dark comedy that will take you by surprise. If I was an editor looking for the first break-out hit from the Bizarro genre, Jeremy C Shipp is where I would stake my six-figure advance.

When I first stumbled across Bizarro fiction a few months ago, I wondered if there was any really decent writing in the genre, assuming from its trashy aesthetic that catchy titles might be the pinnacle of its achievements. Bizarro fiction is by turns stupid, repulsive and crude. But at its best, it is also intelligent, compelling and well-written. Any literary genre that can be both bad and good at the same time is worth watching.

About 5 years ago I was asked to appear in a low budget zombie movie called “The Ancient.” They wanted me to play a demented doomsday priest that goes door to door preaching about the end of the world. It was a good time. The movie was only available for a few weeks and is now out of print, because I believe all those involved in making it are a bit embarrassed that it exists. I probably should feel the same way but there’s nothing I like more than a bad low budget movie. Plus, my performance in the film was beyond Oscar-worthy. I really should have pursued a career in acting.

Recently, I got this fan made video that pieces together all of my scenes in the movie into one video. The scenes all put together actually do tell kind of a story, so think of it as a short film about a crazy priest trying gain some followers on the day of the zombie apocalypse.

SILENT WEAPONS FOR QUIET WARS by Cody Goodfellow
A MILLION VERSIONS OF RIGHT by Matthew Revert
SEX DUNGEON FOR SALE by Patrick Wensink
SCREAMS FROM A DYING WORLD by David Agranoff
SEE JACK by Russell Edson

My D&D parody book is now available. It is perhaps the dumbest thing ever written (by me or anyone else). It is also the best.

Are you ready to play some Dungeons and Fucking Dragons?

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2 is an absurd comedy about a group of adventurers (elf, halfling, bard, dwarf, assassin, thief) going through an existential crisis after having discovered that they are really just pre-rolled characters living inside of a classic AD&D role playing game. While exploring the ruins of Tardis Keep, these 6 characters must deal with their inept Dungeon Master’s retarded imagination and resist their horny teenaged players’ commands to have sex with everything in sight.

Featuring: punk rock elf chicks, death metal orcs, porn-addicted beholders, a goblin/halfling love affair, a gnoll orgy, and a magical dildo that holds the secrets of the universe.

Pages

"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!"

—Christopher Moore

"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale."

—Cory Doctorow

CARLTON MELLICK III is an oafish gentleman with the stylishest of sideburns. He is one of the leading authors in the bizarro fiction genre—a booming underground movement that strives to bring weird, crazy, entertaining literature to the masses. Imagine a mixture of David Lynch, Dr. Suess, South Park, and Troma movies.He lives in Portland, OR.

Featured Titles

The Tick PeopleIn a city where people live like parasites on the back of a giant animal, a professional sadness-maker discovers that his soul mate is a hideous mutant.Dark and surreal.

Hungry BugIn a world where magic exists, spell-casting has become a serious addiction. Gritty and pulpy.

ClusterfuckA bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code. Comical and violent.

Quicksand HouseTwo children who have never met their parents before, even though they live in the same house with them, must fight for survival once their nursery becomes uninhabitable. Dark and Dystopian.

Village of the MermaidsAn eccentric doctor travels to an isolated village of carnivorous mermaids to investigate a new disease spreading through the herd of human livestock. Dark and Dystopian.

Cuddly HolocaustA tale of survival set in a world where most of the human race has been exterminated by vicious stuffed animals.Apocalyptic and brutal.

The Morbidly Obese NinjaA 700 pound killing machine must go against his corporate employers in order to save a terminal child. Pulpy and fun.

Crab TownA bizarre bank heist set in a radioactive post-nuke ghetto.Dystopian and relevant.

Zombies and ShitIt's Battle Royale meets Return of the Living dead in a fight to the death game of survival where twenty contestants are put against each other in the middle of the zombie wasteland. Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.

Warrior Wolf Women of the WastelandA Wonderland Book Award-winning novel about a three-armed man who finds himself in the middle of a war between a gang of road warrior werewolves and mutants from a dystopian version of McDonaldland.
Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.

The Cannibals of CandylandA man finds himself imprisoned in an under ground world populated by child-eating mutants made of candy. Erotic and horrific.

ApeshitA parody of cabin in the woods horror stories where the victims turn out to be far more deranged than the mutant killers who hunt them.
Campy and fucked up.

The Egg ManIt is a survival of the fittest world where humans reproduce like insects, children are the property of corporations, and having a ten-foot tall brain is a grotesque sexual fetish.Dark, dystopian, and ugly.

Cybernetrix
A dark and bizarre parody of the movie Tron where a game world and our world bleed together into one reality. Pulpy and awesome.

The Faggiest VampireA bizarro children's book about two vampire rivals competing in a mustache contest to determine which one is the faggiest. Cute and relevant.

The Ultra FuckersA landscaper and a trio of Japanese punks find themselves stranded in a suburban gated community that seems to go on forever. Nightmarish and absurd.

Adolf in WonderlandNazis from an alternate world of absolute perfection go down the rabbit hole into a dark surreal world of chaos and imperfection.Absurd and horrific.

Bizarro Starter Kits

Praise for Carlton Mellick III

"If you like satires which are highly imaginative, subversive, gory, funny as hell and completely surreal CM3 may be your literary messiah."

—Ricardo Gonzalez Del Valle

"CM3 is the most imaginative writer since Lethem and Vonnegut. Different, and absolutely thought provoking..."

—Daniel McCreary

"Carlton Mellick creates fascinating and intricate worlds out of meat, slime, sexuality, wire, and the kind of nightmares that make you laugh when you wake up."

—Jemiah Jefferson

"Brilliant writing that oozes into your skull and melts your brain like a box of a zillion crayons."

—Idiot Alien Thought Creature

"His books are from another universe."

—Cameron Pierce

"Mellick is smarter than the dumbness he tries to coat his writing in; you feel like you're reading a comic or watching MTV - but that underneath there is something deeper and smarter than the cartoonish presentation before your eyes."

—Euchrid

"Through childlike narration Mr. Mellick can present to his reader some of the most curious and knee-slapingly hysterical blaspheme."

—Ian David McGowen

"There is depth behind his simplistic prose, and humor all around it. What at first seems unsophisticated quickly becomes a firm identity to the characters, and you realize the intelligence behind the naivety. Yes, it's all on purpose, and you've just been had!"

—Schtinky

"Mellick has definitely joined the ranks of the bizarre literary geniuses such as Burroughs, Philip K. Dick, and Vonnegut."

—Charles Glover

"Mellick's imagination is boundless, and his writing truly shows this. His characters, plot, and writing style are original, enjoyable, and inspiring."

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