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Archive for September, 2008

Fightin’ my second cold
in nearly two weeks.
I gotta say, it’s gettin’ kinda old.
Things have been lookin’ bleak,
feelin’ numb up and down
my spine.
Feeling rather inclined
to leave it all behind.
Trying to find a way,
to stay
when all I wanna do
is get the hell away, from you.

Jane, this is what happens when I write without my books. Although, if you read it with a beat, it kind of sounds a little hip hopish….

The cat has been crying
under the window pane
for five nights in a row.
A couple of times
she left a plate of milk,
giving a pat or two
on top of its’ head,
in hopes, it would feel
enough love to move along.
But to let it in
is more than she can bare.
The cat has too many issues,
missing a few teeth
and in a few spots,
scars lay where the fur had once been.
She puts up a wall,
feeling only relief
when the crying stops.

I don’t know why I feel the need to say this because I’ve never explained my written word before. But just so everyone knows and we’re all clear….this is not about anybody I’ve met online. Just a random observation about life. Like I’ve said before….it comes to me, I write it down.

with the stale dampness
lingering in the air,
her stream
opened up to me
showering me with
her gentleness.
my thirst, quenched,
every pore, saturated
my clothing, my hair
drenched with the
memory of you.
today, sitting in the
constant rain,
I felt the trickling
splendor of your caresses.

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately watching people, and watching how they/we interact. It’s amazing how quickly people slap labels on everything, and make decisions about people based on very little information. I admit, I’ve been guilty of doing it too, and I know that labels have been put upon me, deservedly so or not.

Things are never as they appear. We perceive different bits and pieces of information based on our own life experiences. You and I could spend an entire day together, but our account of the day, though similar, would be different. We think we may know those who are closest to us, but we all put up walls to varying degrees. Do you think it’s safe to say that our lovers and our friends really know us inside and out? I don’t think so. Plus, we pile all of our shit from the past into relationships of the present and future. At times, it’s hard to know if what we’re feeling about someone else is really them or are we transferring? It just doesn’t make sense to put labels on others, period.

I’ve had every label imaginable put on me. Some quickly call me a dyke, while many guys have flirted relentlessly, feeling confused why I don’t bite or even nibble. Of course, some of that could be attributed to the fact, I wouldn’t know if someone is flirting with me unless they smacked on the side of the head. Some people say I’m fucked up, while others see me as having my shit together based on what I’ve survived. Some find me vulnerable, while others see me as strong. Some even find me sexy, while others want to run the hell out of dodge. Some people say that I’m stuck, and just resigned to being miserable because I’m not “getting over it.” Someone who has had a life similar to mine would understand what I’m feeling, but someone who hasn’t…well, honestly, they don’t have a fucking clue. Good for them, but don’t mold my life to fit your experiences. But the truth of it is, I’m a little bit of all of those things and more, whether you are capable of seeing it or not. That holds true for all of us. You know the familiar story of the 3 blind men, one in the front of an elephant, one at the middle, and one at the rear. Each are describing a part of the elephant based on their own experiences. What each person sees and feels is unique.

Based on the information you would have had in the 1980’s, if you saw a man walking down the street talking to himself, you would have quickly dismissed him as being crazy. Based on the information you have today, you might think he’s crazy, but you also might think he’s wearing a bluetooth, and having an actual conversation.

Never assume you know anyone, because no matter how much you think you know, you don’t know enough until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. The best place to stick a label, is inside your clothing. Otherwise, I want no part of it!

the clouds, hanging
low, their blanket of regret
embracing me.
they are thick but dry
blocking the light,
leaving all in its’ path
dark and cold.
I shiver, with emptiness
allowing the darkness
to swallow me.