So with this free time I’ve got… I’m writing like a mad woman, sewing, and creating new and improved recipes…

The writing side of me has made me think of where my love for comedy started. As I know it wasn’t 4 years ago, Tripod were the stepping stone to live comedy, which I’d never really gotten into… I knew I enjoyed live comedy, but I’d never had the inkling to go, as I was so enthralled by the amazingness of muso’s.

I put the first foray’s into said love to when I was about 6 or 7, my brother got two copied cassette tapes from his friend. The first had The Satanic Sketches by the D-Generation (it took me awhile to convince them to let me listen to it, I’m pretty sure my brother Corey and I snuck away with it at one stage), and the other one had Bill Cosby stand-up on side A (which is pretty family friendly), and on side B there was this reformed American Evangelical Priest called Mike Warnkie.
Looking back it seems that I have literally grown up the D-Gen in mant different forms, The Late Show, Comedy Company, Fast Forward, The Panel, Thank God You’re Here, and various other Working Dog Productions. We all know these guys are my heroes, they have been for years, and I don’t think I would have loved sketch comedy as much had it not been for them.
The Bill Cosby stand-up is pretty stock standard comedy, jokes about his wife and family, my one stand out is a bit he does about not knowing what to give his kids for breakfast (because you know, woman are the only ones in this world who know how to cook *rolls eyes*), so he gives them chocolate cake that he’s found from the night before. The kids decide that dad is great because of the chocolate cake and make up the song: “Daddy’s great, he gave us chocolate cake for breakfast”. So you know, now it doesn’t seem all that funny now, but to a 7 or 8 year old, that was HILARIOUS!
The last of the three is a little darker, I think my brother’s friend added this as his family were a little bit god fearing, most of Mike’s stories are about the Vietnam War, and his time in the Marine Corp. One of the quotes my family still quote being “I spent three and a half years in the MARINE CORP”. There is also the story that always reminds me of the teacher in “Dazed and Confused” which is when their Sargent is giving the “pep talk”. It usually goes something like: “Boys, as my Sargent once said to me, you’ll all go in, and only half of you will come back”…

These days, my love for comedy exceeds what I ever would have thought it could or ever would have.

Please allow me to indulge you and myself with a few you of my Favourite Gilda and Amy moments…

Gilda Radner as Baba Wawa

Gilda Radner “Lets Talk Dirty to the Animals”

Gilda Radner “Honey Touch Me”

Amy Sedaris on “Watch What Happens L!ve”

Amy Sedaris giving us a tour of her part o the neighborhood: Greenwich Village

Amy Sedaris on “Strangers with Candy”

Amy Sedaris on “Exit 57”

Love or hate them, these ladies are Geeniouses!

…and as an aside, 2011 is going to be one hell of an amazing year in Australian TV (Offspring, The Librarians, and Laid to name a few) and film (25, I’m kinda excited about this one!), so PLEASE make sure you go out and support it, and local comedy for that matter…

My head still brims with idea’s, for solo shows, for impro fun, and just to challenge the norm. Not to be subversive, not to challenge by pushing the wrong boundaries, but to push things differently. I don’t want to upset, anger, or ridicule, I want to challenge perspectives.

So many people are out to make this big bang by being controversial. What’s more controversial than changing perspective though? By giving people a look into a head space that they wouldn’t usually see (maybe even help to get some perspective in their own head space).

But I’m feeling kind of blank, and relived that I’ve given myself a break, and admitted that I couldn’t do it.
I’ve postponed my baby, so I can make it bigger and better than before. More players, bigger story lines, and more room to move physically and mentally. I want to keep the audience involved while keeping them at arms length, so they won’t know what is going to happen next. For them to be salivating at every twist and turn. It’s all about them. I’ve spent too many gigs thinking about dozing off in boredom, to watch someone on stage mindlessly wank on about themselves, and not realise that the reason we are there, is because we WANT you to take us on a journey. PLEASE take us with you, don’t leave us wondering why we gave up a night in our nice warm home, watching TV or movies we know we will get enjoyment out of.

I want you to feel electricity as soon as you walk into the room, to know you’re being taken somewhere else, for your stomach to do flips in excitement. I want even the hardest of critics to soften ever so slightly at the sight (the feel, even the smell), to realise that we’re not there to bang on about nothing in particular, we’re here to serve you. To connect and disconnect at will, so you’re longing to connect again, to help with the next turn in events, then for you to sit precariously onthe edge of you’re seat while we weave the story a little more, and to leave you with more questions than you came with….

I’ve had a fantastic 3 weeks, Tripod 8 times in 3 weeks (why? You ask. You tell me and we’ll both know, because I’m not really sure), seeing Justin Hamilton doing the coda to his 3 Colours Hammo Trilogy, meeting Tony Martin(making an arse of myself), and seeing Children Collide, I’d say its been the most amazing 3 weeks.
I’ve spent more time in Fitzroy than I have in a long time, I miss it as soon as I cross Alexandra Parade into Clifton Hill. I can’t explain my love for this little web of existence in the North of Melbourne.
I walked down Bell street the other week, after one of my many nights at Trades Hall, and ached at the thought that I wasn’t walking into one of those houses to go home. I hate leaving the place, I feel at peace while I’m there.
It’s one of the only places on this planet that I feel so calm in. Even when there’s people there I hate, and I don’t think deserve to live within its warm loving arms. Do they know why this place is so special? Do they understand that it’s not the “cool” factor of Fitzroy, it’s not being seen in the right places(I’m going to be crucified, I’ve tried to love Mario’s, but I can’t, I’d rather be in the Marqis of Lorne. Maybe someone can recommend something nice from Mario’s for me to try? I might change my mind.), it’s just home, the smells, the sights, the sounds… I’ve never felt more at home than I do there. There’s nothing I’d change about the place, even though it’s changed so very much over the years.

I can’t wait to move into my own place there. Hoping that by some kind of miraculous miracle that I find somewhere I can affrord without living below the poverty line! There’s nothing like walking the streets of Fitzroy as the sun is setting or rising. There’s nothing like a beautiful Fitzroy afternoon, wandering down Brunswick Street the warmth of the sun warming my tired winter bones. Great food, great friends, the sounds of good music coming from houses, the sounds of people having parties/BBQ’s/Dinner Parties, and just happiness in general.

I had something to blog about the other day, but I’ve completely forgotten what it was about.

May have been Myanmar, my shows, wanting to rip off Zimmerman & Sass & Bide, my dislike of Alannah Hill’s design (no form, no feed, and clashing together as many different textures and colours as you can into one outfit doesn’t make you cutting edge.), the tremendous help I’ve had from lecturers at my work on my show, the fact that things are pretty good.
I always wonder when things are going to go to shit in periods like this. “When will the world slap me upside the head?” I ponder…

I got my reading mojo back, it started with Harry Potter, then a little Shakespeare, now P&P, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s nest, and Breakfast at Tiff’s. It’s nice to have it back, as I think next year I’ll have my head back in the books.

The show is really starting to write itself, which is such a fantastic feeling, its flowing, and these scripts are blowing me away.
While they’re all running on the same premise, the strength of every show always lies in a different area, which is what I wanted. They had to be strong in different parts, I want people to come to at least one or two of the weeks wondering how we’ll challenge the improvisors, and also not knowing what to expect.

I’m going to go back to my original solo-show idea, I made the newer version of the show too complicated for the moment.

Things at the moment are going well, which is nice. Doesn’t take much for my nerves to kick in though.

Oh and work is busy, and even days like today, when I kept getting errors when running reports, I still enjoy it. I really like my job, and really love what I do. I also really believe in the course, partially because I want to do it, and combine it with an LLM at NYU.
Bah, have to get through Arts/Psych first!

Just feels like everythings going really well, and it was me that made it go well. My life turned around, not miraculously, not because someone took pity on me, but because I worked to turn it around.

I resolve to write a new Psychomuse blog every morning, or night, once I get a new job.

So here’s today’s.

*iTunes on* Ray Charles swinging in the background.

I watched the Logies last night, as everyone did, as I did I spent a whole lotta time on Twitter reading peoples updates from the show. I laughed alot. Poor Gretel though, it’s a hard gig getting on stage at anytime, even worse when you’ve got a room full of D-grade celebs catching up. Dave Hughes and Wil Anderson’s spots were great.
My highlight though were the Gold Logie War Room sketches, special mention goes to the ever talented and amazing Kate McLennan, and Justin Kennedy. Amazing job by two of this cities incredibly talented comedians.

I’m writing my new stand-up spot, and have had some amazing advice. Thank you, you know who you are, I really appreciate the help.

Also writing Vyv/Violet, annoyingly my marketing of this show has a clearer objective than the actual show does at the moment. But she’s coming along, slowly but surely. Vyv is the self-aware, smart, grown-up. While you have the contrasting ditzy innocence of Violet. Many lessons learnt on the way, it’ll be a roller coaster ride and a fun one at that.

You couldn’t believe how frustrating it is to hear those words, but then again, they have promted me to re-evaluate.
Actually look at the way I’ve been dealing with stressors in my life, look at the way I deal with those closest to me not understanding why I am like I am.

The answers are slowly coming together.
It’s taken a long time to look at the rejections in my life, and not think that they were a set back, but a learning experience.
I was incredibly jealous of people who could skate better than I did, and for some bizarre reason I equated the love of my parents to how good a skater I was. Which I know deep down is crap. My parents loved and still do love me, they just want the best for me.
Same with my sister and brothers.
I’m learning to form my own opinions and beliefs. I think I’m really scared I’ll never find a way to function through the Depression and Anxiety.
I am getting there, it’s hard when people are so confused, and even harder when all I try to do is appease everyone else in the room, rather than appeasing myself.

Appeasing myself is really hard, as it means I have to make decisions that could lead to more rejections. I’ve spent the last 10 years avoiding rejection, not believing that anyone else knew what it was like(yet I listen to heart broken country-alt-pop, and connect? Hmmm). I had myself convinced that I was the only one that hurt. Which again is bizarre, as I’ve counseled friends back together, and also out of ruts. Sometimes I’ve gotten pissed off, as after counseling them, which I shouldn’t have done, it has left me so emotionally crippled, that I can’t function myself(then that has repocussions on people who see whats happens when I become self-destructive). There’s so many people out there that need help and I find them all the time. But I can’t help them anymore, I need to focus on me(actually edit, I can help them, but if we’re close I can’t, you need go get real help, as I’m not a psych just yet, and even then I’d be sending you to someone else, as we’re too close. ). Forging forward, looking back every once in awhile, but not getting stuck in dream world(Kenny Koala was awesome though!).

Getting stuck into my writing however is allowed. Vyv is the person I aspire to be, Violet was me for years, and I’m standing at that junction that will take me to Vyv, and I’m doing what needs to be done to become her. She’s the hard one to write, but I’m getting there. Violet’s ditzy innocence I know like the back of my hand, as I’ve lived it, now I’m traversing into Vyv territory, which is scary, but I can do it.

This whole belief in myself thing is really bizarre, its an interesting road, and at the same time an incredibly hard road. How does someone whose based all of her life and a lot of her decisions on what other people would think, change? Its hard to go; you know what, I don’t give a shit what those who mean the most to me think, THIS is me. Its really hard to train my brain to not care what people think when I slightly sing off key, that the one bung note does not make me a bad singer, it just means I went off tune. That the way I veiw the world, is not incorrect, its just the way I see it from down here(and I mean that hight wise, not feeling wise). That one shit stand-up gig means I should keep going forward and not give up, ’cause we’ve all had shit gigs. Also that even though I was really freakin nervous the first two times on stage, that the nerves will always be there, but they will not navigate my show, I’ll do that.

Fitzroy is home, its my happy place at the moment(well it has been for about 10 years). Unless of course when I go overseas I find another happy place(NYC anyone?). Fitzy is it.

Feel like I’ve grown up there, I skipped classes at Tafe to go sit in cafes and read when I was 18/19/20. I’ve fallen for 10 different Fitzroy boys in the last 10 years! That’s right, count ’em TEN!
I can name all of them too, egads! But I won’t.

I do wonder whatever happened to Brendan and Jack though, I’m sure I saw Jack about 5 years ago walking out from the milkbar and I ran.
I do however know that one of them is now in a rather large band I loved, and still do have my moments with. Andy Andy Eyecandy, best guns on the planet, and I blushed the day he lent over me and asked if there was anything interesting in Beat that day(he smelt sooo good!). I’m meant to forget idiotic moments like that right?
Or the night that my bar crush took me aside and told me he wanted to chain me up and spank me(oh please don’t let my mum read this!), he disgustingly enough had/has a girlfriend. I decided against going near the bar again, on the grounds that he was a sleeze! Sad though, as they make the best hot chocolate on the planet, and his specialty was strawberry daquari’s, and they were goood!

There’s the Punters, gone and lost. The amazing gigs I saw there, I shan’t forget(The Meanies, Klinger, and Mrs Pinkwhistle, BEST GIG EVER!!!!), and I’ll never forget the last night of drunken frivolity.
Nights at the Evelyn(or the evilyn, depending on what happens really!), Pop, punk, giggles, and great music. Unforunately I never got to go to the Ev’ before it was reno’d, so no old school “I remember when the stage was at the front of the room” stuff from me.
The Vegie Bar, which I like, but used to love, they have gotten better, there was a period of blah though. The food wasn’t as good.
Joe’s Garage, great food, and lovely staff. I’ve never had bad food, or not felt relaxed or at home there.
Red Tongue, food good, staff lovely, good for a Sat/Sun morn brunch.
The Hideout, I miss, with all my sweet lil heart. Well I miss when Mary was managing it.
Akari 77, great Japanese food! I loooovvveee it!
Red Rice was okay.
Nights at Bar Open, lordy lord. Sometimes it’s bizarre. Okay embarrassing admission, I licked a random boys tattoo there one night, not sure why, safe to say that copious amounts of beer had been consumed!
The Spanish Club ❤ . My first night at Spanish Club, was the night that Tripod won me over. Was Radiohead night too. I remember 3 distinct moments that night, 2nd Drawer Down going for faarrrrrrr too long, The Gatesy Brigade sitting in front of me getting confused by the Tron joke, and me laughing my arse off, and The Gatsey Brigade hunting Gatesy down at the end of the night. I had honestly never seen a group of girls swarm a man so fast in my life. Well apart from Chris from TLE, but even they seemed not as vulturish. I said I wasn’t going to be one of those gals, technically I wasn’t, but I did kind of, in my own special way! I should go and see them again, am waiting for the rock opera we’ve been promised!
The Rob Roy, ahh so many good gigs! I’ve seen some great gigs there. I walked through the other night on my way to Trades, its different, and there were lots of business attired people in there. Where the hell is the band room now? Sad to see they couldn’t fix that steep stoop into the gals toilets, I’ve nearly fallen down that thing a billion times!!

Psych pushes me to think outside of my square, it pushes me to think in general, and I can study so many different facets of the world that intriuge and scare me, and understand them through the eye’s of the mind.

If I’m afraid of something, I seek knowledge to understand it.

I hate reading newspapers or watching the news. I hate reading headlines, and even moreso I hate reading over-sensationalised peices of faff from people who have only studied the piece of information they are reporting on for about 48 hours. Not really down with over-sensationalised reporting in general.

I find places like Twitter and Facebook amusing and interesting. I like the fact that we can recieve real up-to-date, moment by moment, from the ground reporting with this technology.

I’ve met a lot of people over time that I never thought I would learn from, but have taught me some of the most amazing things.

I love to learn about culture, I dislike reading about it, but I love to listen to people speak about their culture, how they live in it, and why they live the way they do. I love to learn, and I find talking to and learning from others is the best way to do it. I love to sit and listening to people speak, one of the reasons I enjoy comedy I suppose. I love to watch people tell stories, to be able to make fun of ridiculous situations.

If I can’t get my head around something I ask questions. I question everything. I question peoples reasoning for doing certain things, and they don’t like it, but I’ll keep on questioning. My enquiring mind does not stop.

I’m used to being ignored, but I don’t deal with it very well.
My brain works at odds with itself at times, I really want your attention, but once I get it, sometimes I don’t know what to do with it. Those negative thoughts fill my mind, and I used to listen to them, as I thought they defined who I was. Now I shall sit with them, and let them be there, but also counter-act them with the sensible side of my brain.

A few articles that will pop up over the next few days…
-Psychological revelations about who I am at this particular point in time, what is changing in my world, and how I am dealing with the changes. An on-going body of work, making me feel all Freudian, maybe it’ll help someone else someday.
– Growing up and leaning about the world, what I thought was slow, but was actually earlier than I realised. Remembering my tweens(back then we were just kids, and we still are) and how that part of my life really shaped who I am today.
– Music, music, music, and more music.
– Laws of attraction, realising why I always like the “bad boys”, and why the nice guys always get lost in the crowd.
– Comedians, why I love them, why laughter is one of the best forms of medicine, who my comedic heroes are, and why.
– Why a well written piece of prose, can be amazing on paper, but when translated to a spoken submission, all the laughs get lost.