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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

I have to preface this post with a little caveat: I've never watched SpongebobSquarePants. Well, unless you count those times at CiCi's Pizza, since the TVs there are hard-wired to Cartoon Network for the resident herds of screaming little leaguers. (John and I like to visit sometimes to remind ourselves why we're not having children. And for the barbecue pizza.)

(This is Spongebob, btw, for all you non-parents and/or subterranean dwellers.)

So anyway, let me apologize in advance for the lack of Spongebobian references. I like to think that most of you wouldn't get them anyway.

Spongebob is essentially a big rectangle, right? So naturally, if you want to recreate him in cake you should always go with a bunch of round cupcakes:

Like so.

It does kind of look like we're peeking into Spo's(Can I call him Spo? Anyone care? No? Good.) casket, though, doesn't it? Plus some prankster has ripped his nose off and turned his tie upside down. [tsking] So disrespectful.

Speaking of which...

I know you can still see part of Spo's eye here, but don't worry: The baker will cover that up when s/he writes a misspelled, abbreviated version of your name there.

Only instead of half mammal, half fish, it's half Spongebob, half...pedestal? Robot? TV on wheels? I dunno - what the heck is that thing? You tell me. Best answer may or may not get posted here, so gimme your best shot, punks.

Oh, and we're just getting started with the Spongebob Wreckage, so prepare to have gads more sprung at you sometime later this week.**

*I think we should all spit every time the horrific term "cupcake cake" [patooey!] or its abbreviation "CCC" [patooey!] is mentioned. Y'all down with that? Just watch your aim: people and keyboards don't much appreciate being spat upon.

**I just used "gads" and "sprung" in the same sentence. Dude, someone get me a sweater; I am sooo cool.

Reader Comments (144)

I can't believe one of the commenters called Spongebob vulgar. Spongebob is like an underwater Winnie the Pooh. He's yellow, innocent, likes to laugh, and his best friend is pink. His favorite past time is blowing bubbles, for pete's sake. Even if I weren't a Spongebob fan, I'd be offended by these cakes.

I've never gotten Spongebob. Granted, I'm not a mom, and haven't watched it much, but the kids I occasionally tend love that little guy. While less tedious than other kids shows, I still find it, well, tedious, and don't enjoy it at all.

That being said, I know what Spongbob should look like, and I don't think I would have recognized any of those cakes as Mr. Squarepants had you not told me it was him. Whatever Spongbob is, he didn't diserve this treatment.

C'mon SpongeBob has got to be one of the easiest characters to make into a cake! I think even I could make a decent SpongeBob cake.

I also dont get why so many people think the cartoon is 'vulgar'? Annoying sometimes yes, educational, no, but its harmless. Its the only thing my 2 year old will watch. In fact 'SpongeBob' was one of his first words!

You should watch Spongebob, I'm 41 and watch it even when no kids are around. The writers of Spongebob, throw some jokes in that only grown ups will get. It's very funny and very well written. Dont hate it because it's a cartoon.

I cannot believe the amount of "Nazi" parents who don't let their kids watch Spongebob Squarepants. One of you even excluded cartoon network and nickelodeon. What kind of childhood are your kids going to look back on, oh I bet your those "structure" parents. Every hour of a kids day has to be planned out with no time for FUN or CARTOONS. I hope your kids grow up and hate you!

That last one is not Spongebob, its his lesser known cousin; Chamois Pete. Chamois Pete was involved in a factory accident that left him scooter bound, and since he has no arms, he just sort of sits there and doesn't want to be part of the show.

I love Cakewrecks. I know about what time your entries get posted and I have a reader in my phone automatically set up so I always see new ones ASAP. I'm always showing your posts to whoever is around when I read them.

I also love Spongebob. I don't have kids and am not sure I want them, but this is almost irrelevant given how wacky and underlyingly intelligent the show is. I am 99.9% sure you would like it, Jen, knowing your sense of humor, if you gave it a chance. (Note: there *are* a number of episodes that hit below the mark, so I advise seeing maybe three episodes before you make a final judgement call.) I understand being put off at first: he's got an annoying laugh, the show is absurd in many ways, etc. When SB first debuted, I refused to watch it, too. I even hated the name "Spongebob Squarepants" and made fun of it. However, after one of my high school English teachers mentioned it (he even linked it to our then-current study of Existentialist literature), I gave it a shot, and it grew on me.

If you don't at least try...I may stop reading and recommending Cakewrecks. I'm just *that* insulted by your turning your nose up at the little guy. Sniffing at Spongebob without even reviewing the evidence? It's just a dealbreaker, plain as that. Sorry.

I think the Cakewrecks Community is going to the Dog.....River. (In Corner Gas whenever someone said "Woolerton" the spit alarm would start going off.) I have never ever ever watched SpongeBob. I never hope to. My cousin really liked the show, but I think it's dumb.

I am here to defend Sponge Bob Square Pants. It is absolutely NOT a vulgar cartoon. He's a happy innocent sponge who constantly looks on the bright side of things. I love the little guy and it's a great cartoon. I have no idea why you would ever label it vulgar. Rufus Opus, Rutaduta, Pokecheck, and "friends of" ...you all are right on. :)) However, these cakes are not. Sad, sad, misrepresentation.

WV: tickeAs in..."I would be "ticke..d" if I had to pay for one of these.

Feel free to laugh at me as I display my incredible nerdiness, but here goes. I usually hate CCC's (how about an *ugh* instead of a SPIT?), but I actually think that they suit Spongebob quite well, due to the porous texture of sponges and all that. He's not just a flat square, he has holes and bumps and stuff.

Also, to count myself completely in the minority here, I think that the first two Spongebob cakes are quite good (aside from the huge black writing across his face in the 2nd--seriously, who could possibly think that's a good idea?).

I also think that, while the last cake doesn't look a smidge like SB, it is actually kinda cute in its own right.

These cakes are truly horrifying. What else is horrifying? Parents who will voluntary poison their kids sh*t with processed garbage "food" (CiCi's pizza, brownies, mac & cheese made with god knows how many chemicals and preservatives) but will physically block a TV showing a funny, naive, kind-hearted animated fellow who values his friends above everything else...while allowing the horror show of the news flashes on CNN to burn their children's brains with images of fire, flood, famine, war and celebrity gossip. Go America!

Those Spongebob cakes are awful! how hard is it to make a square character..SQUARE? Jen, you really should watch a few episodes of Spongebob! Give him a chance!! I am 45 and I have seen my fair share of the shows because my kids loved it, and I think I now know most of the WHOLE opening song..."WHOOOOO...lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!!" and it goes on.....:-)

I'm still shaking my head over the commenter who would rather have their young child watch CNN than Spongebob. Apparently they have no problem with kids watching coverage of bombings, murders, kidnappings, rapes, etc., but an innocuous cartoon about a happy, bubble-blowing sponge is inappropriate.

There was a silicone square cupcake pan for sale on QVC a day or 2 ago. In their presentation, they specifically mentioned it's prefect for cupcake cakes, and of course i thought of you. Is that weird that you've infiltrated my everyday life? Nah!

I used to work at the Ocean Institute, where the idea for Spongebob was hatched... it was apparently an inside joke amongst the boat crew, as the sponge they used to clean up the heads when they got icky was a large square yellow thing. Mmmm. Toilet sponge cake. Fantastic.

Poor Spongebob #2!! I have no idea how he supports his huge body with those 2 millimeter wide spaghetti legs of his? And even if he *could* support himself, how in the would would his spaghetti legs not slip out of those clodhoppers of his?

NO!!! Those were professional?! Having just spent four hours decorating a Spongebob cake for a 6 yr old's birthday (not my child, incidentally!), I can personally attest that it is not THAT hard. I'd like to know where these people work? If they can work there, then surely so can I. I think a paycheck is in my future.