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ABC Television Network
Every network has a tent pole series, but ABC has a tent pole show runner: Shonda Rhimes. So when the network unveiled their fall 2014-2015 schedule on Tuesday, nobody was surprised to see that Thursday nights are now all Rhimes, all the time. But one person can only develop so many shows, and luckily ABC has several other series lined up to fill in the hours that aren't produced by the woman behind Grey's Anatomy and Scandal, series that include a superhero spinoff, an immortal medical examiner who solves crime, and a sitcom about how kids these days are too obsessed with technology.
With so many new shows arriving this fall, it can be hard to figure out which ones are going to be worth your time, so we've rounded up all of ABC's upcoming shows and some clips from their first episodes to save you the hassle. Although, this batch features a next seasons' Trophy Wife and a replacement for Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23, so fans of those shows might want to tread carefully to avoid further heartbreak.
Selfie What It Is: Sitcom What It's About: After a 20-something woman finds herself the subject of an embarrassing viral video, she hires an image consultant to help her rebrand herself in the real world. Who's In It: Karen Gillan and John Cho What It Sounds Like: Pygmalion for the Internet age. How Good Will It Be: The premise (and title) are pretty ridiculous, but both Gillan and Cho are charming and talented, so they might just be enough to keep the show afloat. How Long It Will Last: Like Cougar Town and Trophy Wife before it, the terrible title will be its downfall. We’ll be surprised if it gets two seasons.Airs: Mondays at 8 pm
Manhattan Love Story What It Is: Sitcom What It's About: A romantic comedy about a couple in the beginning stages of their relationship that reveals their inner thoughts as well as their actions. Who's In It: Analeigh Tipton, Jake McDorman, Jade Catta-Preta and Nicholas Wright What It Sounds Like: Peep Show meets How I Met Your Mother How Good Will It Be: McDormand has been playing the loveable jerk for years now, and Tipton is charmingly awkward, but the inner monologue shtick seems like it will get annoying very quickly. How Long It Will Last: One and done.Airs: Mondays at 8:30 pm
Forever What It Is: Drama What It's About: A medical examiner who just happens to be immortal. Who's In It: Ioan Gruffudd, Alana De La Garza and Judd Hirsch What It Sounds Like: Remember New Amsterdam? No? Well, it’s basically the same thing. How Good Will It Be: It depends on how well the show is able to integrate the issue of him immortality, but there are so many “cop with a mysterious secret” procedurals on the air right now that this one does How Long It Will Last: Unlike New Amsterdam, it will probably get a full season. Airs: Mondays at 10 pm
Black-ish What It Is: Sitcom What It's About: An upper-middle class black man struggles to raise his assimilated, color-blind kids with a sense of cultural identity. Who's In It: Anthony Anderson, Tracee Ellis-Ross and Laurence Fishburne What It Sounds Like: The early episodes of The Fresh Prince that were actually about something How Good Will It Be: It’s got a cast full of TV vets and Larry Wilmore behind it, but it looks a little too generic to really stand out. How Long It Will Last: Even with Wilmore leaving for the Minority Report in October, the cast should be enough to earn it a second season. Airs: Wednesdays at 9:30 pm
Christela What It Is: Sitcom What It's About: An ambitious law student is torn between her dream job and her traditional Mexican-American family. Who's In It: Christela Alonzo, Carlos Ponce, Terri Hoyos, Andrew Leeds and Sam McMurray What It Sounds Like: If Leslie Knope were a character on George Lopez How Good Will It Be: Alonzo is an accomplished comedian, which will help the show in the long run, but thus far we haven’t seen anything that’s worth getting excited over. How Long It Will Last: Probably a yearAirs: Fridays at 8:30 pm
How to Get Away With Murder What It Is: Drama What It's About: A group of law school students find themselves entangled in a real-life murder mystery. Who's In It: Viola Davis, Alfie Enoch, Liza Weil, Matt McGorry, Aja Naomi King and Michael Gaston What It Sounds Like: Legally Blonde, minus the light-hearted goofiness, plus Scandal How Good Will It Be: Like Shonda Rhimes’ other shows, it will probably be campy and over-the-top, but completely addicting nonetheless. How Long It Will Last: Again, it’s Shonda Rhimes, so at least 7 seasons.Airs: Thursdays at 10 pm, after Grey's Anatomy and Scandal
Agent Carter What It Is: Drama What It's About: A female secret agent helps to establish S.H.I.E.L.D. in the days following World War II Who's In It: Hayley Atwell What It Sounds Like: It’s an extended version of the Agent Carter short film. How Good Will It Be: Marvel’s last TV show floundered, but Peggy Carter is an established character, a fan-favorite and is played by the very talented Atwell, so things should go a lot more smoothly this time around. How Long It Will Last: Thanks to the Marvel brand, it’s guaranteed at least two seasons.Airs: Between the winter finale and spring premiere of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
ABC Television Network
Galavant What It Is: Comedy What It's About: A musical fairy tale that follow a prince’s quest for revenge on the king who stole his true love. Who's In It: Vinnie Jones, Joshua Sasse, Timothy Omundson, Mallory Jansen, Karen David and Luke Youngblood What It Sounds Like: Once Upon a Time: The Musical! How Good Will It Be: If it doesn’t get bogged down in mythology and plot complications like Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, it could be entertaining in its ridiculousness. How Long It Will Last: Well, Once Upon a Time has been on for three years and Glee has been on for five, so four seasons sounds about right. Airs: Between the winter finale and spring premiere of Once Upon a Time
Fresh Off the Boat What It Is: Sitcom What It's About: Based on the memoir by chef Eddie Huang, it follows as 12-year-old boy as he and his immigrant family adjust to life in suburban Florida. Who's In It: Randall Park, Paul Sheer, Constance Wu, and Aubrey K. Miller What It Sounds Like: Aliens in America meets The Goldbergs, but set in the 1990s How Good Will It Be: It’s written by Nahnatchka Khan, who ran Don’t Trust the B in Apt. 23, so it will probably be quirkily funny. How Long It Will Last: Like Don’t Trust the B, it will squeak its way to a second season.Airs: Midseason
Secrets and Lies What It Is: Drama What It's About: A man discovers the body of his neighbor’s son in the woods, sending the town into a tailspin that will reveal everyone’s hidden secrets. Who's In It: Ryan Phillipe, KaDee Strickland, Natalie Martinez, Clifton Collins Jr. and Juliette Lewis What It Sounds Like: Broadchurch, minus David Tennant, with a touch of Revenge. How Good Will It Be: It’s a pretty generic premise, but the cast is good, so like most of ABC’s dramas, you will become addicted to it but you won’t tell anybody about it. How Long It Will Last: It will either be cancelled in the middle of the first season, like Hostages, or it will run for at least four seasons. Airs: Midseason
American Crime What It Is: Drama What It's About: After a couple are attacked in their home, racial tensions are stirred up in a small California community. Who's In It: Felicity Huffman, Timothy Hutton, W. Earl Brown, Richard Cabral, Benito Martinez and Penelope Anne Miller What It Sounds Like: Crash: The TV Series How Good Will It Be: It’s a bit of a complicated topic for ABC's brand of soap-y drama, so we don't see things working out. How Long It Will Last: Cancelled after one season.Airs: Midseason
The Whispers What It Is: Drama What It's About: Aliens have invaded the earth by inhabiting the bodies of children. Who's In It: Lily Rabe, Barry Sloane and Milo Ventimiglia What It Sounds Like: The exact plot of Torchwood: Children of Earth, minus both Peter Capaldi and John Barrowman How Good Will It Be: It’s got a solid cast behind it, but the premise has been done before – and done really well – so we don’t have high hopes. How Long It Will Last: Well, Resurection got a second season, so this probably will too.Airs: Midseason
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DreamWorks
For the bulk of every Rocky and Bullwinkle episode, moose and squirrel would engage in high concept escapades that satirized geopolitics, contemporary cinema, and the very fabrics of the human condition. With all of that to work with, there's no excuse for why the pair and their Soviet nemeses haven't gotten a decent movie adaptation. But the ingenious Mr. Peabody and his faithful boy Sherman are another story, intercut between Rocky and Bullwinkle segments to teach kids brief history lessons and toss in a nearly lethal dose of puns. Their stories and relationship were much simpler, which means that bringing their shtick to the big screen would entail a lot more invention — always risky when you're dealing with precious material.
For the most part, Mr. Peabody &amp; Sherman handles the regeneration of its heroes aptly, allowing for emotionally substance in their unique father-son relationship and all the difficulties inherent therein. The story is no subtle metaphor for the difficulties surrounding gay adoption, with society decreeing that a dog, no matter how hyper-intelligent, cannot be a suitable father. The central plot has Peabody hosting a party for a disapproving child services agent and the parents of a young girl with whom 7-year-old Sherman had a schoolyard spat, all in order to prove himself a suitable dad. Of course, the WABAC comes into play when the tots take it for a spin, forcing Peabody to rush to their rescue.
Getting down to personals, we also see the left brain-heavy Peabody struggle with being father Sherman deserves. The bulk of the emotional marks are hit as we learn just how much Peabody cares for Sherman, and just how hard it has been to accept that his only family is growing up and changing.
DreamWorks
But more successful than the new is the film's handling of the old — the material that Peabody and Sherman purists will adore. They travel back in time via the WABAC Machine to Ancient Egypt, the Renaissance, and the Trojan War, and 18th Century France, explaining the cultural backdrop and historical significance of the settings and characters they happen upon, all with that irreverent (but no longer racist) flare that the old cartoons enjoyed. And oh... the puns.
Mr. Peabody &amp; Sherman is a f**king treasure trove of some of the most amazingly bad puns in recent cinema. This effort alone will leave you in awe.
The film does unravel in its final act, bringing the science-fiction of time travel a little too close to the forefront and dropping the ball on a good deal of its emotional groundwork. What seemed to be substantial building blocks do not pay off in the way we might, as scholars of animated family cinema, have anticipated, leaving the movie with an unfinished feeling.
But all in all, it's a bright, compassionate, reasonably educational, and occasionally funny if not altogether worthy tribute to an old favorite. And since we don't have our own WABAC machine to return to a time of regularly scheduled Peabody and Sherman cartoons, this will do okay for now.
If nothing else, it's worth your time for the puns.
3/5
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We all know that the nuclear family is, for the most part, totally outdated. Sure, some families still consist of a mom, a dad, two kids, a dog, and a white picket fence, blah, blah, blah. If you exclusively watch Nick at Nite, you might think those are the only types of families represented on TV, but you’d be wrong. Television series featuring atypical families have become much more popular — Parenthood and The Fosters for example — and we’re pumped because a white picket fence can only be so interesting. In fact, some of our favorite families on TV are a little less than normal, and they’re more hilarious because of it.
ABC
Trophy Wife
Two ex-wives, a handful of kids, and a new wife that’s closer in age to the kids than her husband — yeah, that’s a bit unusual. The Harrisons are a loving bunch who might have their differences sometimes, but that’s to be expected from a housewife, a surgeon, a lawyer, and a hippie (which sounds like the intro to a bad joke.)
New Girl
Although not technically a family, Jess, Nick, Winston, Schmidt, and now Coach are close enough that they represent a different kind of family: the friend-family. They’re those people who know you better than your cousins or your grandparents; they’re just as important as blood relatives.
Modern Family
The Pritchetts, the Dunphys, and the Delgado-Pritchetts can be credited with making the atypical family a hilarious TV trend. What’s not to love about this bunch? They’re a little off the wall, but they represent a realistic extended family situation. Plus Modern Family is one of the best comedies on TV right now, so they must be doing something right.
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Lions Gate via Everett Collection
When we last left our heroes, they had conquered all opponents in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, returned home to their newly refurbished living quarters in District 12, and fallen haplessly to the cannibalism of PTSD. And now we're back! Hitching our wagons once again to laconic Katniss Everdeen and her sweet-natured, just-for-the-camera boyfriend Peeta Mellark as they gear up for a second go at the Capitol's killing fields.
But hold your horses — there's a good hour and a half before we step back into the arena. However, the time spent with Katniss and Peeta before the announcement that they'll be competing again for the ceremonial Quarter Quell does not drag. In fact, it's got some of the film franchise's most interesting commentary about celebrity, reality television, and the media so far, well outweighing the merit of The Hunger Games' satire on the subject matter by having Katniss struggle with her responsibilities as Panem's idol. Does she abide by the command of status quo, delighting in the public's applause for her and keeping them complacently saturated with her smiles and curtsies? Or does Katniss hold three fingers high in opposition to the machine into which she has been thrown? It's a quarrel that the real Jennifer Lawrence would handle with a castigation of the media and a joke about sandwiches, or something... but her stakes are, admittedly, much lower. Harvey Weinstein isn't threatening to kill her secret boyfriend.
Through this chapter, Katniss also grapples with a more personal warfare: her devotion to Gale (despite her inability to commit to the idea of love) and her family, her complicated, moralistic affection for Peeta, her remorse over losing Rue, and her agonizing desire to flee the eye of the public and the Capitol. Oftentimes, Katniss' depression and guilty conscience transcends the bounds of sappy. Her soap opera scenes with a soot-covered Gale really push the limits, saved if only by the undeniable grace and charisma of star Lawrence at every step along the way of this film. So it's sappy, but never too sappy.
In fact, Catching Fire is a masterpiece of pushing limits as far as they'll extend before the point of diminishing returns. Director Francis Lawrence maintains an ambiance that lends to emotional investment but never imposes too much realism as to drip into territories of grit. All of Catching Fire lives in a dreamlike state, a stark contrast to Hunger Games' guttural, grimacing quality that robbed it of the life force Suzanne Collins pumped into her first novel.
Once we get to the thunderdome, our engines are effectively revved for the "fun part." Katniss, Peeta, and their array of allies and enemies traverse a nightmare course that seems perfectly suited for a videogame spin-off. At this point, we've spent just enough time with the secondary characters to grow a bit fond of them — deliberately obnoxious Finnick, jarringly provocative Johanna, offbeat geeks Beedee and Wiress — but not quite enough to dissolve the mystery surrounding any of them or their true intentions (which become more and more enigmatic as the film progresses). We only need adhere to Katniss and Peeta once tossed in the pit of doom that is the 75th Hunger Games arena, but finding real characters in the other tributes makes for a far more fun round of extreme manhunt.
But Catching Fire doesn't vie for anything particularly grand. It entertains and engages, having fun with and anchoring weight to its characters and circumstances, but stays within the expected confines of what a Hunger Games movie can be. It's a good one, but without shooting for succinctly interesting or surprising work with Katniss and her relationships or taking a stab at anything but the obvious in terms of sending up the militant tyrannical autocracy, it never even closes in on the possibility of being a great one.
3.5/5
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Christmas may still be a month off, but when has that ever stopped the Hallmark Channel from rolling out its holiday themed movies a tad bit early? Quick answer: never! Which is why a snowy-white TV-flick starring none-other than Henry Winkler is just one of the great programs on our list this week. Here's what else you need to be watching.
ABC
Modern FamilyWhy Modern Family? Because it's still the most consistently funnyshow on network TV. And we all know how the Big Four's crop of brand spankin' new sitcoms have been faring lately. Just turns on The Crazy Ones for five minutes. A vomit bag may be required. A new episode of Modern Family airs Wednesday at 9PM ET on ABC.
JFK: Three Shots That Changed AmericaWant more JFK anniversary coverage? How could you not? Then you'll want to check out the History Channel's engrossing two-part documentary airing this Friday. Not only does it include rare and unseen footage of the Kennedy assassination, but it also repudiates claims that there was a conspiracy or government cover-up. Hope you're listening, Oliver Stone! JFK: Three Shots That Changed America will air this Friday on the History Channel. Check your local listings for times.
The Most Wonderful Time of the YearThanksgiving hasn't even arrived yet, but Christmas season is already in full swing on the Hallmark Channel. In this heartwarming gem from 2008, Henry Winkler goes to great lengths to teach his curmudgeonly sister (Brooke Burns) about the true meaning of the holiday. That's right, folks, he's leaving the Fonz jacket at home! The Most Wonderful Time of the Year airs this Wednesday at 8PM ET on the Hallmark Channel.
The SimpsonsYep, America's favorite animated family (sorry Griffins) are back at it for a record-braking 25th season. Who's still watching, you ask? Well, enough people for Matt Groening and company to score a cool $750 million after signing an immensely lucrative syndication deal with FXX last week. And with over episodes and counting, those chinless Springfieldians show no signs of slowing down. Another new episode of The Simpsons airs this Sunday at 8PM ET on Fox.
ChoppedFor 17 seasons and counting, Chopped has been pitting chefs against one another and seeing what they come up with. This week the cooks are asked to combine exotic dishes like kimchi and gefilte fish, as well as a dessert round featuring marshmallow cake and citrus water. Mmm...anyone else feeling hungry right about now? A new episode of Chopped airs this Tuesday at 7 PM ET on the Food Network.
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We all think of Sesame Street as a show for kids. It primarily is... but the writers love to add a good amount of humor to keep the adults sane while watching 45,000 hours' worth of the same episodes. They love to make any celebrities appearing on the show a foil - and the celebs don't mind!
1. Anderson Cooper
First it's Cooper's earnestly propping himself up in Oscar the Grouch's trashcan, then his interviewing the two Grouches, that makes this hilarious. I'm sure that kids don't even know who Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather really were. Just great.
2. Ricky Gervais
The interaction between Elmo and Gervais is what makes it, especially the beginning when Elmo mentions Brad Pitt. Then, Kevin Clash is able to give Elmo so much expression for a puppet with ping pong balls for eyes.
3. Jimmy Fallon
It's not just Fallon's goofy send-up of Bear Grylls, but also Sesame Street regular Alan Murakaoka who sells this. Murakaoka's eye-rolling comments in the background are just as funny as Fallon's earnestness.
4. Brian Williams
This is available for download on YouTube for $3.99 on Sesame Street's official channel, on Amazon Streaming and it's often on On Demand on Sprout. Watching the normally buttoned down Williams jump up and down and also chase a chicken who keeps taking his microphone are only a couple of the highlights.
5. Will Arnett
Arnett is great as this pompous magician who thinks he can fool children by doing simple addition and subtraction tricks without even attempting any real sleight of hand. Watching Sesame Street regular Chris pop his bubble is great.
6. Andy Samberg
PBS is constantly running this episode, called "Shape-O-Bots." Samberg dons a few very poor disguises to enlist the help of the Shape-O-Bots, and the results are hilarious.
7. Bo Jackson
The message behind this is great, but it's just so funny seeing Jackson in both football and baseball uniforms stopping and solemnly doing these kids things. Bo Diddley in the background is just the cherry on top of this sundae.
8. Patrick Stewart
Stewart lends a gravitas towards explaining the letter B...but the whole Shakespearean setting just makes it funny. Imagine if Ian McKellan had joined in?
9. Marisa Tomei
Tomei channels her My Cousin Vinny voice here for this act, and nails it. Of course, my son has never seen the movie - he's only three. I can't wait for him to see it someday.
10. The New York Jets
The funny thing about this clip is that two years later, none of them were with the team. Coach Eric Mangini was let go and Chad Pennington and the others were also gone. Ah football. Here today, on another team tomorrow.
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After Dark Films
It seems a bit odd to take on a movie review of Courtney Solomon's Getaway, as only in the loosest terms is Getaway actually a movie. We begin without questions — other than a vague and frustrating "What the hell is going on?" — and end without answers, watching Ethan Hawke drive his car into things (and people) for the hour and a half in between. We learn very little along the way, probed to engage in the mystery of the journey. But we don't, because there's no reason to.
There's not a single reason to wonder about any of the things that happen to Hawke's former racecar driver/reformed criminal — forced to carry out a series of felonious commands by a mysterious stranger who is holding his wife hostage — because there doesn't seem to be a single ounce of thought poured into him beyond what he see. We learn, via exposition delivered by him to gun-toting computer whiz Selena Gomez, that he "did some bad things" before meeting the love of his life and deciding to put that all behind him. Then, we stop learning. We stop thinking. We start crashing into police cars and Christmas trees and power plants.
Why is Selena Gomez along for the ride? Well, the beginnings of her involvement are defensible: Hawke is carrying out his slew of vehicular crimes in a stolen car. It's her car. And she's on a rampage to get it back. But unaware of what she's getting herself into, Gomez confronts an idling Hawke with a gun, is yanked into the automobile, and forced to sit shotgun while the rest of the driver's "assignments" are carried out. But her willingness to stick by Hawke after hearing his story is ludicrous. Their immediate bickering falls closer to catty sexual tension than it does to genuine derision and fear (you know, the sort of feelings you'd have for someone who held you up or forced you into accessorizing a buffet of life-threatening crimes).
After Dark Films
The "gradual" reversal of their relationship is treated like something we should root for. But with so little meat packed into either character, the interwoven scenes of Hawke and Gomez warming up to each other and becoming a team in the quest to save the former's wife serve more than anything else as a breather from all the grotesque, impatient, deliberately unappealing scenes of city wreckage.
And as far as consolidating the mystery, the film isn't interested in that either, as evidenced by its final moments. Instead of pressing focus on the answers to whatever questions we may have, the movie's ultimate reveal is so weak, unsubstantial, and entirely disconnected to the story entirely, that it seems almost offensive to whatever semblance of a film might exist here to go out on this note. Offensive to the idea of film and story in general, as a matter of fact. But Getaway isn't concerned with these notions. Not with story, character, logic, or humanity. It just wants to show us a bunch of car crashes and explosions. So you'd think it might have at least made those look a little better.
1/5
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It's a very sad day for gay Americans. Today the Supreme Court heard arguments for and against Proposition 8, the California ballot initiative that struck down the state's marriage equality law. While some were expecting the Court to overthrow Prop 8 and once again validate Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi's wedding, it now looks like they aren't going to make any sweeping declaration.
We're very broken up about the news, and, if you look around the country, there are plenty of gay people and characters who are just as broken up. Look at how sad everyone is!
Come on, Supreme Court. Stop bumming everyone out.
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[Photo Credit: Warner Bros Television; Adam Rose/FOX; David M. Russell/CBS; Byron Cohen/NBC; Bob D'Amico/ABC; ABC; Vivian Zink/NBC; Eric McCandless/ABC Family; Peter Morrison/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images; Logo; Lacey Terrell/HBO; NBCU Photo Bank/Getty Images]
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“When I was just a little Padawan, I asked my Master, ‘What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?’ Here’s what he said to me: ‘Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. Que Sera Sera.’”
Fans of Alfred Hitchcock and Doris Day would know that tune anywhere. I’m not gonna lie, I was kind of hoping Ahsoka would start singing that at some point in the new Clone Wars episode. I mean, after all, it was titled “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much.” What’s funny is how relevant “Que Sera Sera,” the song that’s so prominent a part of Hitchcock’s 1956 version of The Man Who Knew Too Much, is to our little Togruta Padawan. Deep into her apprenticeship to Anakin Skywalker, she’s no longer the wide-eyed youth we first met on Christophsis five years ago. But she hasn’t completely come into her own, either. Is she a warrior? Is she a peacekeeper? In short, what will she be? And with the Dark Side obscuring everything, the future is really not hers, nor the Jedi’s, to see.
Based on Lucasfilm’s marketing of this arc, it seems that such answers are indeed on the horizon, and, even more so than last week’s “Sabotage,” “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much” seemed to set up those revelations. We began with a funeral. “Luminous beings are we,” Yoda said as he presided over the cremation of the Jedi who’d died in the Temple bombing. “But temporary vessels our bodies are.” Yeah, you can recite that over and over, but that never really gives much comfort. Palpatine was in attendance, and you can just imagine him scoffing internally when he heard that, obsessed with pursuing immortality as he is.
RELATED: ’Star Wars: The Clone Wars’ Recap: Bombed The Jedi Temple Is
After the funeral, we got a sense of just how hawkish Ahsoka’s become. Her “swift justice” attitude toward Letta, the confessed bomber, was even more hard-line than proto-fascists Anakin and Tarkin, who at least were arguing that she should benefit from due process. Tarkin, now an Admiral—by the way, whatever happened to Admiral Yularen?—suggested that the Supreme Chancellor wished to start separating the Jedi from military matters…even though they’ve been leading the charge as generals in the Grand Army of the Republic since the start of the war. Since clones were also killed in the Temple blast, the prosecution of Letta should fall to the Republic military and not the Jedi.
RELATED: ‘Star Wars: The Clone Wars’ Recap: Darth Sidious Shows Maul Who’s the Master
I was glad to see Ahsoka bond with Barriss Offee once again. We haven’t really seen much of her since she turned into a zombie at the end of the Second Geonosian campaign way back in Season 2. Little Miss Tano could really benefit from being around someone her own age for once. What was interesting was that Barris was questioning one of the most fundamental tenets of the Jedi: the necessity of avoiding attachments. Is it right for a Jedi to move past emotion? On the one hand you avoid fear, anger, and hatred—emotions that lead to the Dark Side—but doesn’t compassion, supposedly the distinguishing characteristic of the Jedi, require some emotional commitment? Wouldn’t a Jedi be cold and callous rather than compassionate if he or she truly shunned all attachment? Wouldn’t that Jedi look and sound a lot like Count Dooku? Ahsoka stayed true to the Jedi line: yes, purging oneself of emotion, like how they rid themselves of fear when they thought they might die on Geonosis, does lead to greater clarity, she said. Of course, her actions throughout the rest of the episode completely contradict that sentiment.
NEXT: Please, if you’re a Jedi and someone in front of you is being Force Choked, don’t raise your hands like you’re the one Force Choking them.
The Separatists were launching a new offensive, this time in the Saleucami system. You know what that means: the Outer Rim Sieges! I’ve been saying for awhile that these battles that marked the last stage of the Clone Wars have been on the horizon, and now they’re really here. Order 66 isn't far behind. Obi-Wan headed to Saleucami, which was unfortunate given what was to come. Ahsoka, meanwhile, got a comm from Tarkin that the bomber, Letta, wanted to speak with her, and her alone. So she went to the military prison, a monolithic structure in the middle of a vast GAR staging ground.
The design of this building alone shows how much the Republic has changed. Whereas Classical arches, columns, and domes, even when forged out of gleaming transparisteel, used to be the defining Republic aesthetic, that’s all been replaced by hard angles and stark geometric patterns, all uniformly monochromatic. It’s like a cityscape made to look like the bridge of a Star Destroyer. Not to mention that the hallways of the prison look exactly like those in the Death Star’s detention block. There’s a line in James Luceno’s Darth Plagueis that’s a winking nod to all this polished Imperial chrome when Palpatine says that his taste in art “tends toward minimalism.” We’ve noticed!
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Once at the prison, Ahsoka had to surrender her comlink and lightsabers. She got her one-on-one with the accused, and Letta told her that she had been set up. Yes, she did feed her husband the nanodroids that turned him into a bomb, but it wasn’t her idea. Actually, it was a Jedi who cajoled her into doing this. Apparently, this Jedi was among those who believe the Order has lost its way, that they’ve become warmongers rather than peacekeepers. Still, it’s hard to imagine any Jedi who maintains a belief in the Order’s original mission of peacekeeping doing something as, you know, un-peaceful as bombing the Temple. Unfortunately, Ahsoka couldn’t get a name out of Letta because all of a sudden she levitated in the air, her hands clutching her throat in muted agony. Someone was Force Choking her, but the only Jedi around was Ahsoka, and the fact that she raised her hands toward Letta made it appear like she herself was Force choking her. This didn’t look good.
NEXT: What can parsing Alfred Hitchcock’s The Man Who Knew Too Much(both versions!) tell us about ‘The Jedi Who Knew Too Much’?
And this is where we have the Alfred Hitchcock connection. In both versions of the film—Hitch originally directed The Man Who Knew Too Much in 1934 (just out through the Criterion Collection following a sorely-needed restoration) but remade it in 1956—a couple is vacationing in an exotic place. They become entangled with a foreign spy, who’s quickly killed. But before he dies, the spy tells the husband (who, in the ’56 version is played by Jimmy Stewart) that an assassination is about to take place. Of course, he dies before he can give anything more substantive, like the names of the perps. The spy’s enemies, fearing that the vacationing couple is now onto them, kidnaps their son to keep them silent. Obviously, in “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much” there wasn’t a kidnapping, but I do think whoever Force Choked Letta wanted to shut her up before she revealed anything more. Perhaps a bigger attack against the Jedi is still in the making. Also, just like the vacationing sap in The Man Who Knew Too Much, Ahsoka’s proximity to the deceased marks her as the mostly likely suspect in her death. Here’s an idea: if you encounter someone who’s been stabbed, don’t pull the knife out of the body, making it look like you were the assailant. And if someone’s being Force Choked in front of you, don’t put your hands up in the air, as if you are the one doing the choking. Anyway, check out the initial murder scene from the ’56 Man Who Knew Too Much to see just how similar this situation is to the one in which Ahsoka finds herself.
Tarkin quickly confronted Ahsoka with the evidence against her, particularly the holorecording of her with her hands up as Letta’s being choked. Not good. There were no other Jedi in the facility at the time. Really not good. And if there had been another Jedi there, why didn't she sense them? Really, really not good.
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Anakin, unfortunately, was'nt allowed in to visit her. I thought for a moment he was going to Force Choke the guard, to bust his way in. But he exercised some restraint. Nonetheless, Ahsoka suddenly saw a key card outside her cell. She used the Force to levitate it and swipe it so she could get out. She thought it was from Anakin. ‘Fraid not. She was only being set up further, which she quickly realized herself when she saw clone troopers lying about unconscious and her lightsabers mysteriously on the floor. The still-conscious clones, thinking she’d escaped and was psychotically homicidal, gave chase. And then she saw it…clones dead on the ground, obviously having been slashed apart by a lightsaber. Someone really was trying to make it seem like she was on a killing spree. Now, she couldn’t go back. But who would be setting her up like this and why?
NEXT: So just who is setting up Ahsoka and what is their motive? We think we have an answer!
Let’s think this through. Obviously, a Force User killed Letta. And it had to be a Force User who could either gain access to the prison as a matter of routine or who could remain totally undetected by all the clones stationed there. A Force User who also could enlist Tarkin as an ally. Oh, and remain invisible in the Force to Ahsoka. If Tarkin’s to be believed, there were no other Jedi there. So that leaves really only two suspects. It could be Darth Sidious, though why the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic would be at a military prison is a bit hard to explain. Unless he was using the Force to remain completely invisible even to his own troopers. Or maybe this is one of the “other uses” Sidious had in mind for Maul, and the tattooed Sith pretender was the one who Force Choked Letta, perhaps from the cell where he himself has been confined following that skirmish on Mandalore. That seems less likely, though, because Maul’s never been one to conceal his presence in the Force. The Jedi—and Sidious—could sense him from half a galaxy away. That's how big of an impact he made. But Sidious? Now he knows how to hide his Force powers. He interacts with the Jedi all the time and never have they suspected his true Sithliness. It’s gotta be him who killed Letta, especially since his confidant Tarkin would be so easy to loop in.
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But what possible motive could Sidious have for framing Ahsoka? Easy. The long game here is to isolate Anakin. Sidious plans to make him all the more ripe for seduction to the Dark Side by stripping away the people around him. First, he’ll get rid of his apprentice. Fabricate a situation that causes her to be in prison or, if she escapes, requires her to leave the Jedi Order. That’ll increase Anakin’s defensiveness, his feeling of injustice, which’ll be magnified even further when Yoda and Mace Windu refuse to make him a Jedi Master despite his seat on the Jedi Council. The subtext is kind of like, “Well, we can’t make you a Master because of that whole matter of your failed Padawan…” That’ll only increase his resentment toward the Jedi. Eventually then Sidious will rob him of Obi-Wan and Padme as well, so that all Anakin will have left is him…and the Dark Side.
But getting rid of Ahsoka is the first step toward making any of this happen. And that’s why I think Sidious has not only the means but the motive to be the real perpetrator here. To Letta, I’m sure he seemed like a Jedi. Most people couldn’t really tell the difference between a Jedi and a Sith. They both have powers that make stuff fly around and carry laser swords, what’s the diff? Anyway, that’s my theory unless all of a sudden The Clone Wars has decided to introduce a new character into the mix. But this seems rather late in the game to add an anti-Jedi Jedi like Sora Bulq.
NEXT: Yeah, about that whole “moving past your emotions” thing. Ahsoka needs to practice what she preaches.
So much for that whole thing about moving past your emotions. Ahsoka acted pretty irrational for the rest of the episode, somehow thinking that no one, absolutely no one, not even the Jedi Council, will believe that she’s innocent. So like Roger Thornhill in North by Northwest or Richard Hannay in The 39 Steps, she went on the run. The clones gave chase, including a couple K9 troopers with battle neks to sniff her out. If you ask me, though, vornskyrs would have been a better creature to use here since they can track Force-sensitive beings. Probably would have been a challenge to animate the six-legged beasts, though.
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Ahsoka headed to the industrial pipelines that feed water and fuel into the government district of Coruscant, presumably located right near the military staging grounds. These looked a lot like the massive pipelines I first saw illustrated by Ralph McQuarrie in Kevin J. Anderson’s The Illustrated Star Wars Universe. That mega-plumbing really gives a sense of the vast scale of the utilities needed to keep Coruscant running. I’m also pretty certain that those massive exposed pipes are located near The Works, an abandoned industrial area of Coruscant in which Darth Sidious maintained a secret hideout during the Clone Wars. Given his proximity, it’s all the more likely then that he was the one who killed Letta.
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Gotta love that Death Star-style turbolaser that fired on Ahsoka at one point. And there was even a Juggernaut! Finally, she sliced open one of those giant pipes and climbed inside to facilitate her getaway. She continued to elude the clones…but not Anakin. He finally cornered her in a dead end, as the pipe opened up onto a vertiginous cavern down into Coruscant’s underbelly. She screamed, “You didn’t even try to help me!” at Anakin, which seemed a bit unfair, though not as illogical as her “You know as well as I do that no one else will believe me.” Really? You can burn your bridges as a Jedi that quickly? This was a scene straight out of The Fugitive, and like Richard Kimble, Ahsoka took a leap of faith. She dove straight down into the abyss and hopped aboard a hover-ferry heading down into the lower levels…where Anakin himself obviously would dare not tread.
This is exciting, gang! We’re going to see the lower levels of Coruscant next week. Hopefully, there are some rakhgouls down there. And for all we know this could help introduce the environs of Star Wars 1313. A great set up though it was, “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much” was pretty great standing alone too, wasn’t it? Until next week, I leave you with this.
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Lucasfilm]
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