Knowing that I'm not being included in discussions about time or activity commitments of any type, e.g., work, play, etc. If I want time with our partner, I ask him...then he asks her what other commitments they may or may not have. I would expect that he would talk with her about it because they do share a life. But, the same courtesy isn't extended to me when they make individual and couple commitments for themselves. They have their life...their plans. And, I'm welcome to join in or fit in around them. And....supposedly I'm not in a "secondary" role, but it feels that way BIG TIME to me. (And yes....I've had several discussion about this with our partner.) So I guess it's my insecurity that what I think..or feel.. or want..doesn't matter, or certainly doesn't have equal consideration, much less any priority. (And boy does that "script" go waaaaaay back for me! ) That's one reason I'm so up and down about whether or not poly is good for me.