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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

I should probably filter what I say here, but when I'm craving some delicious cake, nothing matches the taste of an ashtray full of cigarette butts:

Mmmm.

Say, if the decorator got rid of just one of those smokes, would the cake then be a cigarette lighter? {{groan}}

Can't bear the thought of chomping on butts? Then why not chew on this mouth-watering tobacco can instead?

Or if that bear is too ferocious for ya, we can always replace it with a cute little donkey:

(See, the bear's head is the donkey ears, and the front leg is his head. See it? He's just reaching down to enjoy some delicious wintergreen grass. Eh? Right? Who's with me, here?)

Moving on...

Look, guys, just because her name is Ashley doesn't mean this is necessary:

(Maybe it was a gift from her friends CHARlie, TARa, and PIPEr.)

Plus, why a cigarette cake when Ashley has never even had a cigarette before?At least I'm guessing she hasn't, since that would have been illegal. And no one smokes before they're legally permitted to - right, Ashley? Right?

NOTE FROM JEN: Who is Number1? She's my new Jen-clone. Yep. She's just like me, only smarter, cuter, and gosh darn it, a wee bit funnier. I've strong-armed her into doing a few guest posts from time to time, so y'all be nice to "the new Jen" while she gets her feet wet around here. (After that, though, she's fair game. Mwahahahah!)

Reader Comments (131)

There has been so many times I have said that cake is so pretty I couldn't eat it - or that cake is so mis-formed/deformed I couldn't eat it. Well these are just soooo disgusting that I definitely could not/would not eat them!

First I thought those butts on cake #1 were real. Then I clicked to enlarge and saw that they were fondant. Then I realized it didn't even matter if they were real or not-- eating that cake would be impossible either way.

I am one who can overlook a multitude of sins if they have icing on top. But not this. I could not bring a bite of cake to my mouth if it made me think of (retch) cigarettes.

Liz in Seattle

VW: turpi. Definition: the sound I made when trying not to vomit in my mouth while viewing tobacco cakes

Most of these wrecks are wrecks in concept, not execution. The only cake that is also badly executed is #3. #1 appears to be well made, but it looks way too much like an ashtray for me to ever want to eat it. The wreckerators who made these, except for #3, did a good job fulfilling some wacky customer orders. If only they could have persuaded the customer to let them make something else.

I have never wanted to run away from a cake, like NEVER, but these cakes make me want to take a "cake break". They are so gross. I can look past the well done this, or that. You should never look at a cake and not want some of it, that should be illegal!

OH, oh, oh....those are just the sickest cakes I've ever seen, especially the first and the Turkish ones. I don't even think I could taste them blindfolded. I just ordered my lunch but I think my appetite might be taking a quick holiday....

Why is ASHley's cigarette in the ashtray upside down? See, the lipstick end is in the ashtray, and the smoked end is sticking out. Having a fail on a cake that is that wrecky already is just redundant.

That first cake was so realistically done that it doesn't seem like it should be called a wreck. HOWEVER, it's so disgusting that it's the most wrecktastic disturbing cake posted here. I don't think I could eat one bite of that. Yuck-O.

actually I though that all the cakes with the exception of the donkey and the squashed cigarette of ASHley were avery nicely executed.

If you want to write "WHY?" to a cake I would have to go with the archived (please don't ask me where) cake featuring the naked woman in white chocolate seductively draped over a cake with bondage dark chocolate girls decorating the sides. That to me was a much more disgusting and unappetizing.

As someone else mentioned, the Turkish one says "smoking shortens life" or "to smoke is to shorten life" so I guess it is some kind of anti-smoking cake? Maybe you are supposed to buy it for a chain smoking relative.