Health notes

Just consider for a moment how you feel when someone says you look attractive, or that you’ve done something well – or simply smiles at you on the train. Then compare it with the opposite – grumbles, criticism or a blank stare.

No contest, is there? Compliments make you feel good. But unlike, say, eating a chocolate bar, getting into the habit of giving and receiving compliments can have a long-lasting benefit, according to social psychologist Dr Alicia Renedo.

During research with 29 women, Dr Renedo found that ‘compliments can have a positive psychological impact, improving self-esteem and creating a chain of good things’.

The difficulty for many people is not so much in giving compliments but in accepting them gracefully. Instead of saying ‘thank you’ and feeling happy, many of us seem to be indoctrinated with the belief that anyone praising us must be slightly deluded.

‘Many people feel they’re not good enough,’ says Dr Renedo. She puts it down, in the main, to parents who were overcritical and under-complimentary when we were children – a situation that can set up an internal dialogue that lasts a lifetime.

But, she points out, ‘Playing down a compliment makes the other person feel rejected, whereas accepting it helps you connect with them, so they feel good, too.’

In Dr Renedo’s ‘Feelgood Economy Report’, which was funded by skincare company Nivea Body and involved her research group having sessions with a life coach, it emerged that encouraging women who lacked self-confidence to say nice things to each other helped them move from feeling vulnerable to feeling more secure.‘Complimenting could be a new kind of therapy, a bit like laughter therapy,’ remarked one participant.

But worthwhile compliments must be genuine. So the air-kissing ‘you look divine, darling’ type of comment is just so much mwah-mwah, whereas taking a few moments to consider something that will be meaningful to the recipient is in itself a compliment.

Talk about the person rather than an object, suggests Dr Renedo: ‘“You look lovely in that dress,” is more complimentary than, “That’s a lovely dress.”’

Some of the most memorable compliments can be about behaviour, she adds; ‘When someone says that you’re a good listener, for instance.’

Nonverbal compliments are equally valid. Looking glad to see someone is a safe way to start the complimentary transaction if you’re feeling anxious about what wordsto use, advises Dr Renedo.

‘Choose someone you feel confident with to practise on, then make eye contact and smile. It’s all about loving communication – the aim is simply to make the other person feel good.’

Soothe your sole

In April this year, I wrote about FitFlops – the flip-flops with a built-in gym in their soles – which were developed by Marcia Kilgore and a team of experts to tone legs and improve cellulite.

We didn’t know the tenth of it. Literally thousands of e-mails have come in from around the globe, testifying to FitFlops’ effectiveness, not just at shaping sleeker legs, but also helping with painful disorders ranging from sprained ankles to flat feet, bunions to back pain.

Now we all want winter versions, so I’ve been road-testing the Billow, a FitFlop ankle boot, which is simply fantastic.

I stride around in these shearling-lined boots and my toasty feet feel as if they’re floating. People who have to stand for long hours, such as theatre nurses, have been begging for closed-in FitFlops, so Marcia has also created a FitFlop clog – the Gogh. I’m giving them to my best friends for Christmas…

Website of the week

With medical experts now agreeing that the powerful drug Ritalin has been greatly over-prescribed for children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), this charity, now 30 years old, is a fount of sensible information about a dietary approach.