7. Ohio State has been studying up the “unable to fulfill her duties” portion of the Miss America charter in full preparation for their own fate despite stockpiling wins. Similarly, Baylor can’t figure out why it is that calls keep showing up on their phone from the name “Gillooly”.

Elsewhere in the B1G? This.

Further elsewhere in the B1G? Michigan’s holder slides better than any quarterback you know.

Good news for the Bears? If they decide who plays for the title via a headbanging competition-they’re in.