Reports Minnesota Irish:
“In the late 1980s, I worked as an attorney in Bloomington for what is now called ‘Legacy INS,’ which was part of the Department of Justice at that time.

“While standing in the corridor where applicants for naturalization were called to be interviewed by our officers, I overheard a bright young Bethel College grad we had hired as an Examiner call her next interview. She said: ‘Mr. Prize.’

“J.P. Parise came forward [Bulletin Board notes: No pun intended!], turned to me and said, in his best French-Canadian accent: ‘She must not know ‘ockey!’

“Of course, he passed with flying colors, and Minnesota and the U.S. have gone on to enjoy the talents of both Dad and his son, Zach, who must have been just a little boy at the time.

“That officer wasn’t so wrong. We have a real ‘prize’ in Minnesota and the U.S.

“I’ll never understand why Congress has so much trouble passing an immigration law that allows people who obtain a ‘green card’ to naturalize under the current rules! Immigrants have made our country great, as the Parise family and others have demonstrated over and over again.”

BULLETIN BOARD MUSES: We suspect that Congress would have no trouble at all, if French-Canadian hockey players were their only concern!

Great comebacks

Bill of Lake St. Croix Beach: “At supper, I asked my son — who is not a true sports fan — ‘Who’s Joe Mauer?’

“He asked: ‘Who?’

“I answered: ‘Joe Mauer.’

“He said: ‘I don’t know.’

“I responded that Joe plays baseball for the Minnesota Twins.

“Now, my son may not be an avid baseball fan, but he really enjoys some old Abbott & Costello comedy skits. He came back with: ‘Who’s on first?’

“I said: ‘Joe Mauer.’

“Gotta love ’em!”

Keeping your ears open

Rusty of St. Paul: “Report from the May Day Parade in Minneapolis (which I can best describe as ‘They opened up the doors of the Hippie Insane Asylum and threw away the key’):

“Two men, dressed as women, in white, with ghostly painted faces, walked by in silence. Two young men, whom I’ll describe as street-wise urban youth, who spent most of the parade unsuccessfully trying to come up with new ways to use the F-word, were standing next to me. They eyeballed these men-as-women apparitions. One turned to the other and said: ‘So many questions….’ And the other shot back: ‘And so few answers.’ ”

See world

Another close encounter of the natural kind, reported by The D in Scandia: “Roomie says: ‘There is an eagle in our tree. Quick, come look!’

“I look, but I can’t quite believe what I am seeing. The eagle appears to be a young bird, as he still has some white spots on his back. He doesn’t seem to have yet developed much common sense, because he is attempting to perch on a branch that could barely hold a mourning dove. He is holding on for dear life and bouncing up and down like a baby in a ‘bouncy chair.’

“He finally decides to let go and disappears over the terrace wall, crashing through the snowball bushes, to the ground below. Now he is out of sight.

“When he reappears, he seems to have regained his composure. He spreads his wings and soars off over the lake in proper eagle form.

“Adolescence is an awkward phase no matter what your species.”

Words from the wise (responsorial)

Or: The Permanent Unclesly Record

Red’s Offspring, north of St. Paul: “TEEJ in STP‘s quote in Wednesday’s Pioneer Press, ‘Grass does not grow on a busy street,’ reminded me that I heard the same expression when I was growing up.

“It was the response two of my uncles gave when someone would comment on their baldness.”

Our times

Email from Donald: “Subject: When leather just won’t do.

“From the ‘GO FIGURE’ section in the May 5 issue of Sports Illustrated: ‘$14,100. Price of a hand-stitched calfskin baseball mitt introduced by the French couture company Hermes. Each one takes 25 hours to produce. If a buyer isn’t sure what to do with any leftover change, the company offers a matching bat for $1,925.’ ”

Starting from scratch

Wayne of St. Paul: “Subject: Ma Bell.

“Not exactly my first purchase, but one of my first interactions with a major business was when I tried to get my first phone.

“After getting out of the Air Force and moving into an apartment in Lubbock, Texas, I called Bell Telephone to have a phone put in my apartment. They told me that I would have to give them a deposit, and I could not order phones by phone; I would have to come downtown to their office.

“I had to take some time off work and go downtown. When I got there, inside the building was a series of phone booths. I had to go to one of the booths and pick up the phone. I then proceeded to order my new phone via the phone.

“My apartment was a one-bedroom, and they tried to get me to ‘rent’ three phones. It took a lot of talking to convince them that one black phone was all I need. I didn’t need a Princess phone and wasn’t interested in what color choice I had.”

“The other day, I called in a clothing order where the color choices were blush, midnight, begonia, and Portugal. I asked about the exact color of Portugal, and the representative said that was where the item was manufactured. For some reason, I pictured Portugal as either inky black or bright yellow. Who knows why?”

Our times

Plus: Today’s helpful hint

Al B of Hartland: “On Earth Day, I wanted to go to an echo point that would echo my concerns — where I could proclaim ‘Happy Earth Day!’ at the top of my lungs.

“Work intervened. I took a break from my chores and gleaned trash from a small park. There was more trash than park.

“A friend found a robin that had been ensnared in discarded plastic netting. I’ve seen waterfowl and mammals with their heads stuck in the plastic yokes that corral six-packs of beverages.

“There is only one place that used plastic should be tossed, and that is into a recycling bin.

“Picking up bits of trash is a small thing, but it leads to big things. It may save lives.”

Out of the mouths of babes

Peggy T of Osceola, Wis.: “Our 4-year-old great-grandson called his mother, Erin, a miscreant. She looked it up to see what it meant. She said he even used the word correctly.

“She never thought her 4-year-old son would be teaching her new words.”

Band Name of the Day: The Insane Hippies

Website of the Day, recommended by The Bird Feeder: “Spring 2014 Migration of Ruby-throated Hummingbirds” (and other hummingbird matters of interest), at http://tinyurl.com/hummers-ho

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