In Praise Of Life, Liberty And Pursuit Of Tackiness

July 3, 1986|By James Kilpatrick, Universal Press Syndicate

WASHINGTON — Martin Agronsky, the venerable newsman and veteran host of a TV talk show, was in a melancholy mood last week. How come? He was depressed by the commercialization of the centennial of the Statue of Liberty. ''Schlock!'' he groaned. ''Too much schlock!''

Horsefeathers! The kind of schlock that will be vended this weekend is as American as popcorn, as indigenous as grits and redeye gravy. For a price, souvenir hunters can find the image of the first lady of Liberty Island on beer mugs, coffee cups, thimbles and belt buckles. She adorns T-shirts, pennants, dish towels and key chains. At least 200 different gadgets, widgets, gewgaws and thingamajigs will be sold to the willing suckers, and I say hooray. On with the paper hats! Mr. Jefferson would be pleased.

In all the hoopla over the Statue of Liberty, the corollary observance of the 210th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence seems to have been subordinated. What did Thomas Jefferson proclaim? He wrote that we are endowed by our Creator (a sentiment that would get him in deep trouble in these days of secular humanism) with certain rights. Among these are life, liberty, and more to the point, ''the pursuit of happiness.''

There is not a more felicitous line in the whole of America's documentary history. We have no right to achieve happiness. We have a right only to pursue it. In a free society, that is what life and liberty are all about. If the Statue of Liberty stands for anything, it stands for the right of a free people to buy a little schlock -- or a lot of schlock -- if it contributes to their happiness. No one ever went broke by underestimating the taste of the American people. The sponsors of this centennial flea market will make a bundle. And so what?

This tolerance of the culturally intolerable is a part of the doctrine of libertarianism, which defends the right of the people to be, provisionally, ''wrong.'' Some years ago, I remember, a welfare worker was uptight because one of her female clients was wasting her welfare money. The woman was living in the slums, eating scraps, wearing rags, and she had bought a lipstick! The social worker was aghast. My reaction was to toast the woman on welfare. If the dollar spent on the lipstick brought a ray of happiness into the drabness of her life, the dollar was wisely invested.

So it is with the parade of souvenirs. It is objected that much of this junk is, well, junk. It is not ''dignified.'' It detracts from the seriousness of the celebration. Who can see the hardships of the immigrants through the glass bottom of a beer mug? What do all those Elvis Presley look-alikes have to do with the Statue of Liberty?

The answer, plainly, is that they have nothing to do with the statue, but they have everything to do with liberty. In our diverse society there is a place for dignity and a place for levity, a place for the philharmonic and a place for the electric guitar. Must all the commemorative plates be fashioned of china? Bosh! Let us hear it for honest plastic, with the lady emblazoned imperishably in four colors that will fade with the first washing.

Mr. Jefferson was right about the pursuit of liberty. He was writing hokum when he asserted in the next line that all men are created equal. Except in the metaphorical or theological sense, there is not a word of truth in that platitude. It is palpably, demonstrably false. Moreover, the assertion directly contradicts one of the fundamental precepts of a free society, which is that men are by their nature unequal. Some are born with talent, ambition and a sense of discipline. Some are born lazy. Some are born into wealth, some into poverty. There is no such thing as mathematically equal opportunity. From the first infant cries, some are more equal than others.

Thank the lord, if you will excuse the phrase, for the inequalities that characterize a free society. We are not required to have equal tastes, to enjoy the same books or songs or sports. We are at liberty to elect statesmen or knuckleheads as we please. Let us buy mint silver medals of the lady, and these are as dignified as all get-out. But my friend Agronsky shouldn't scorn the schlock. There's nothing wrong with a scale-model plastic lantern that glows in the dark. Batteries not included.