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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Good morning, Mr. Breakfast! Mr. T Cereal, like Texas, cannot be found in a bowl this year

There are a lot of bowl games this year- 35 of them, for those of you too lazy to count. Every year, the staggering amount of bowl games combined with the ridiculous title sponsors and mediocre participants prompt cynics nationwide to claim that there are too many of them and that nobody wants to watch them.

Really? College football is coming to a screetching halt, and you want to bail? Rather than pressing eject right into nine months of a football-less wasteland, maybe you should let me sell you on each of this season's bowl games.

-Have you taken a moment to let the fact sink in that the Frogs are going to the freaking ROSE BOWL?!?!

BCS National Championship Game: Auburn vs. Oregon, January 10 on ESPN-How many people out there every year say they're not going to watch the championship because they disagree with the system? This isn't the Selma bus system, and your little moral stand isn't going to make any difference in the TV ratings...because who isn't going to watch? Would I like the Frogs to be in it? Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm not damn curious to see how these two teams will match up with each other.

The ones featuring an MWC rival:

Las Vegas Bowl: Utah vs. Boise State, December 22 on ESPN-On one hand, Utah is TCU's current conference mate and a win by the Utes makes the Frogs' win in Salt Lake City look better. On the other, Boise State will be in the MWC with the Frogs next year, and a win by the Broncos will put them higher in the preseason rankings and could therefore help the 2011 Frogs. So I guess I'm not sure who I'm going to be rooting for, but I know I'm very much looking forward to watching this one.

Independence Bowl: Air Force vs. Georgia Tech, December 27 on ESPN 2-If you're a big fan of the finesse, spread-passing attack that about 98% of college teams run these days, this is not the game for you. The Falcons and the Yellow Jackets both run a triple-option offense, so you're likely to see a lot of tough hits and very few pass attempts. Also, this one ought to be about an hour and fifteen minutes from opening kick to the final gun.

Poinsettia Bowl: San Diego State vs. Navy, December 23 on ESPN-The Aztecs, with their garbage-time touchdowns, nearly wrecked TCU's season. They are back in a bowl for the first time since 1998 this year under Coach Brady Hoke, who is suddenly a hot name for a few jobs that are or may be open in the near future.

New Mexico Bowl: BYU vs. UTEP, December 18 on ESPN-While I normally would pull for a team in TCU's conference, I'm going to reverse that trend with BYU. Although their hubris led to the Frogs finding a home in the much, much more lucrative Big East, it's still hard to believe that they are going independent just because they were butt-hurt about Utah getting invited to the Pac 10 instead of them. Go Miners.

The ones featuring a future Big East rival:

Fiesta Bowl: UConn vs. Oklahoma, January 1 on ESPN-This game will be happening after the Rose Bowl, so hopefully we're all celebrating a Horned Frog victory in some fancy-schmancy L.A. establishment while it's going on. No one seems to be giving the Huskies, champions of TCU's future conference, much of a chance in this one. Seems like that was the case for two of the Sooners' recent Fiesta Bowl opponents- Boise State and West Virginia...

Pinstripe Bowl: Syracuse vs. Kansas State, December 3o on ESPN-I'm not sure why staging hockey and football games in baseball stadiums in all the rage right now, but I guess I don't really get why Dancing with the Stars is popular, either. As crappy as two middle-of-the-pack teams playing in likely freezing cold weather with a broadcast that will probably be a three-hour conversation about the Yankees sounds...I'm actually looking forward to watching one of the Big East's up & coming programs taking on the Big 12 school that tried to (and claimed they did) take Patterson away.

Champs Sports Bowl: West Virginia vs. NC State, December 28 on ESPN-You know what they do in Morgantown when the Mountaineers win? They burn stuff! If that's not a reason to cheer for them, I'm not sure what is. But seriously, WVU is one of the programs that really needs to be carrying a lot of the weight for the Big East, so a win here would help.

BBVA Compass Bowl: Pittsburgh vs. Kentucky, January 8 on ESPN-I'm not really sure why so many bowl games are scheduled like this one, but then again I'm really not interested in watching the Patriots' march toward another Lombardi Trophy so an alternative to the NFL Playoffs that weekend will be welcome. Like West Virginia, Pitt really needs to step it up and be a premiere program for the sake of the Big East. They'll try to do so in their bowl game in SEC country (Birmingham) against an SEC team who's coach is named Joker. Not making that up.

Beef O'Brady's Bowl: Louisville vs. Southern Miss, December 21 on ESPN-Am I the only one who had no idea what Beef O'Brady's was? If you guessed a brand of beef jerky like I did, you're wrong. It's apparently a chain restaurant with over 240 locations. Anyways, these two teams that TCU was starting to develop nice little rivalries with in Conference USA also had one of their own...and they haaaaate eachother.

Meineke Car Care Bowl: South Florida vs. Clemson, December 31 on ESPN-The Bulls have only been Division 1-A since 2001, and yet beat us to a BCS conference by five years. In that time, though, one thing they've never done is to beat a BCS conference team in a bowl game. There's always a first time for everything, and USF fans hope it'll be New Year's Eve in Charlotte in front of what ought to be a very pro-Clemson crowd.

The ones where you can root against teams that we love to HATE:

Cotton Bowl: Texas A&M vs. LSU, January 7 on FOX-You probably hate one of these teams, for any number of reasons. The funny part is that TCU, a small school that fans of both of these schools generally snub their noses at, is playing in a better bowl game than them.

Sugar Bowl: Ohio State vs. Arkansas, January 4 on ESPN-Oh man, how bad do you want to see Gordon Gee's school get completely Roethlisbergered by the Razorbacks in New Orleans? It hasn't been pretty for the Buckeyes against the SEC in bowl games- they haven't beaten one since...never. That's right, 0-9 all time. Ohio State does lead the country in barbed-wire tattooed-up douche bags that ruin a day by the pool at your apartment with their loud music and gay bean-bag games, however.

Ticket City Bowl: Texas Tech vs. Northwestern, January 1 on ESPNU-Playing in a bowl game on ESPNU? Big time, Red Raiders! Word out of Lubbock is that they've sold about 4,500 tickets for their bowl game...in Dallas. The Cotton Bowl is gonna look miiiighty empty while 20,000+ Frog fans are out in Pasadena the same day. Tommy Tuberville has apparently been looking for a new gig...can a boy hope for a John L. Sullivan-like performance from Tuberville, where he announces he's leaving at halftime of his team's bowl game?

Armed Forces Bowl: SMU vs. Army, December 30 on ESPN-Last year, SMU fans didn't go to their bowl game because it was on Christmas Day in Hawaii. I'll give them a pass on that. This year, though, it's at their own freaking stadium, and yet the school has had to slash ticket prices in hopes of drawing fans to the game. Will Army have more fans show up?

Texas Bowl: Baylor vs. Illinois, December 29 on ESPN-If the Bears win this game, prepare yourself to hear how Baylor fans will spin that a win in the Texas Bowl is somehow better than a win or a loss in the Rose Bowl, because they're in the Big 12. Baylor hasn't won a bowl game since before Bill Clinton took office, which is a fact I'd hate to have to quit bringing up to their fans.

Other high(er) profile Bowls:

Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Stanford, January 3 on ESPN-This game will be funny to watch, because you know there'll be Boise fans watching at home rooting for Virginia Tech, as if that'll make any difference. Sorry Boise, you're playing in the Brotzman Bowl. If you haven't seen Stanford QB Andrew Luck in action, he alone is worth your time, as is Stanford's two-way starter (FB and LB) Owen Marecic. Tyrod Taylor isn't too shabby of an athlete, either.

Outback Bowl: Florida vs. Penn State, January 1 on ESPN-If I had told you, at the beginning of the season, that these two teams would be playing in this bowl and that it'd be the last game for one of the head coaches involved, you'd probably assume that I meant Joe Paterno (I mean, listen to this interview he gave this week). But as hard as it is to believe, it's the end of the Urban Meyer era at Florida. As long as Tim Tebow isn't in attendance, this ought to be a fun one to watch.

Gator Bowl: Mississippi State vs. Michigan, January 1 on ESPN 2-New Year's Day might very well be the last game for Wolverines' coach Rich Rodriguez, although he has far less to show for his time in Ann Arbor than Meyer does for his time in Gainesville. He'll try a last-ditch effort to keep his job against the guy (Dan Mullen) that everyone thought would be taking Meyer's. Instead, the Bulldogs may be migrating further away from the SEC cellar in the coming years.

Capital One Bowl: Alabama vs. Michigan State, January 1 on ESPN-There's been a lot of hoopla over the past few years about Nick Saban taking on his old team when his Crimson Tide would face LSU. But don't forget that he was at Michigan State before he took over in Baton Rouge, so you know Spartan fans would love to take him down almost as much as Tiger fans. MSU was the odd-man out of the BCS picture in that three-way tie atop the Big Ten, so they ought to be pretty fired up for their shot at the defending national champs. The amount of totally over-done Capital One "What's in your wallet" commercials during this game will probably make you eternally grateful to the guy who invented the mute button.

Sun Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Miami, December 31 on CBS-Catholics vs. Convicts right across the river from Juarez, the home of...catholics and convicts. That is, if the courts in Mexico had any kind of power over the cartels. Even though these two programs aren't what they were in the 80s, it's still fun to see them against one another and I'm sure this is as hot a ticket as El Paso has ever seen.

Chick Fil-A Bowl: South Carolina vs. Florida State, December 31 on ESPN-Steve Spurrier already beat his old team, but now he'll go up against one of his oldest rivals, Florida State. Just too bad Bobby Bowden isn't still on the sideline for the Seminoles. Maybe by now the Gamecocks will have practiced enough to not give up a hail mary touchdown right before the half...

Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. Washington, December 30 on ESPN-This is the "oh how they mighty QBs have fallen" Bowl. Remember back in September, when people were calling Nebraska QB Taylor Martinez "Magic T"? Then the Cornhuskers got dismantled by a bad Texas team and that was pretty much the last you heard about him. And Jake Locker...wow. Mel Kiper and Todd McShay could not have been riding that guy's nuts harder at the beginning of the season and he came up with a big bag of nothing this year. #1 pick in the NFL Draft? Maybe if the Raiders are picking. Also, if you don't get a chance to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you can always just watch Nebraska coach Bo Pelini and his perpetual rat-face scowl.

Music City Bowl: Tennessee vs. North Carolina, December 30 on ESPN-As a native of Austin, I always have to laugh when Nashville calls itself "Music City". Yeah, you make one genre of music, and it sucks. Nevertheless, it will be interesting to see which of these teams comes into this game motivated, since they've both experienced fairly big letdowns in the past year. The Vols limped in at 6-6 with a win over Vanderbilt to complete their first regular season since Lane Kiffen sketched out on them to go to USC, and UNC is reeling after an NCAA invesigation ruined all of their preseason hype.

Liberty Bowl: Georgia vs. Central Florida, December 31 on ESPN-It'll be fun to watch this game, because you know SMU fans will be watching at home wishing they could be playing an SEC and celebrating the New Year on Beale Street. If you haven't watched Georgia WR A.J. Green yet, this is your chance. He's realer than Real Deal Holyfield.

Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Arizona, December 29 on ESPN-When the Alamo Bowl entered into an agreement to get the 2nd selection of Pac 10 teams every year, do you think a 5-loss Arizona team was what they envisioned they'd be getting in Year One? But the Wildcats play tough and have a quarterback from Texas (Nick Foles). Their opponent, Oklahoma State, continues a tradition of being a pretty alright team with an aboslutely ridiculously good wide receiver. This year it's Justin Blackmon, and he's insane.

Insight Bowl: Missouri vs. Iowa, December 28 on ESPN-If you haven't become aware of the developing situation at Iowa, you should look into it because things in Iowa City are making Mack Brown's program at Texas look like a convent. Who knew midwesterners were that into drugs?

Others:

Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: Nevada vs. Boston College, January 9 on ESPN-Nevada gave Frog fans one of the biggest thrills of the year, so why not carry that over into the Wolfpack's last game? Colin Kaepernick, the Nevada QB, will end his college career in a big of a homecoming: he's from Turlock, CA, which isn't too far from San Francisco.

GoDaddy.com Bowl: Middle Tennessee State vs. Miami of Ohio, January 6 on ESPN-If you remember TCU declined an invitation to the 2003 GMAC Bowl, as it was known then, and instead played in the inaugural Fort Worth Bowl. That prompted a 'journalist' from Mobile to publish a column that was quite disparaging toward TCU and Fort Worth. Well, Mobile, I think this MAC vs. Sun Belt match up is about what you deserve.

Military Bowl: Maryland vs. East Carolina, December 29 on ESPN-Don't you know East Carolina feels about the ACC the way that TCU does the Big 12. And Maryland, despite being about a 5-hour drive away from ECU, has never played them. So you know Pirate fans want this one bad.

Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii vs. Tulsa, December 24 on ESPN-I watched the Hawaii Bowl a few years ago and there was a huge brawl between Hawaii and Houston. I've watched every year since, hoping for a repeat.

Little Caeasar's Bowl: Florida International vs. Toledo, December 26 on ESPN& New Orleans Bowl: Ohio vs. Troy, December 18 on ESPN& Humanitarian Bowl: Fresno State vs. Northern Illinois, December 18 on ESPN -OK , OK- I give up. You'd just have to be a huge football nerd like me to watch these. But hey, you'll be sorry when football's gone...

11 comments:

As much as I despise the bowl system, I completely agree with this. I will watch every garbage bowl they throw out there because we are entering several dark months of life without football. And we were spoiled this past off season with the Olympics and World Cup.

Also, some of the best bowl games are the smaller schools. Air Force is always fun to watch in December and this year will be no exception.