Month: September 2016

Into the ole Yokel inbox appeared two letters that Kirby posted to Facebook. They are from the office of the Attorney General and this is oh so professional to post these to Facebook, isn’t it? Well Kirby is outraged over the corruption apparent in these two documents:

Honorable?! LOL!

And…

How does running off to the State with their vendettas align with their local control mantra? These two frequently complain about the State’s laws and their overreach. Yet, when they have a problem with the meanie CE off they trot to the State in hopes of giving her the good what for. Curiously, the Attorney General’s office did not pick up the fight. Who knew these two were such prolific letter writers? Perhaps now they can putting those writing skills to use and propose some legislation that would fix what ails them. Because if they had done that to begin with, perhaps they wouldn’t have to write futile letters to the Attorney General.

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Yesterday, Katherine Heerbrandt had Billy on her AM1450 radio program. And seriously, this woman must have the patience of a saint because the nonsense that came out of that man’s mouth would cause a lesser person to rain blows upon him! If you are brave, please go ahead and take a good old listening here. If you just can’t stomach it, we suffered for ya!

The talk starts with Trump. Billy claims this is the most organized campaign he’s ever worked on. He tells the tale of some rented office space by the movie theater used to peddle Trump gear. Katherine remarks that his campaign has been quite the booming business for him. To which Billy claims it’s an investment. He states the amazing thing about Trump is that you can sell things. Katherine remarks that’s not all that amazing, but Billy insists that it is because they made thousands of dollars at the fair tent! He goes on to disparage the Democrats for giving signs away by stating that they couldn’t make money off their gear! He’s just truth telling! When further pressed he claims they were only recouping their costs. Which does not reconcile with the statement of making thousands of dollars. We later learn from Billy, that like his hero Trump, changing your mind is a sign of having an open mind. So his mind must be wide open!

Katherine wants Billy to explain what experience Trump has that would make him a good leader. His first response is that he has experience with the deplorables. This whole deplorable nonsense apparently has bothered Katherine as much as it has us. First off she reads Hillary’s exact quote:

“You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the ‘basket of deplorables,’” she said. “Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic — you name it.

So Billy apparently never heard the whole quote before because he yells out, “She said half of them!” And folks is this all for real? Is he being obtuse or is his reading comprehension level just really, really low? Even when he’s read a list of synonyms for the word deplorable he’s still sticking to it! He states that the problem with liberals is that they overthink everything. Because Hillary said if you have a husband and a wife that both support Trump then one of them is deplorable. And since it was standing room only at the tent to have pictures taken with the sign that must mean that he’s right.

Next up, our fellow truth seeker in arms, Adam Umak from Frederick County Fact Check calls in. He wants an explanation for why Billy abstains so much. Mr. Umak wants to know why this isn’t hypocritical since Billy lambasted Bud for not voting with the Republicans and here he is voting against Kirby and Tony. Well, Billy claims there’s no checks and balances that’s why he does it and it’s obviously working because look Adam you called in!

Mr. Umak has a second question. He asks Billy why it’s okay to tackle the drug problem in Frederick County but not the topic of human trafficking. Here we are treated to a whole bunch of nonsense about there not being a good enough definition, how the High Sheriff was left out and some malarkey about international dating and marriage falling under this category. Here’s how we feel about the subject of human trafficking in case you missed it.

Back to Trump. Katherine wants to know how Billy thinks Trump did in the debate. Billy claims he takes to the polls because he realizes he’s biased. And guess what people!? Trump won every poll! Katherine tries to explain to Billy that what he was referring to was internet surveys but he claims that’s all we have! So there! Case closed!

Your Lady Yokel’s nerves are about shot at this point. Billy goes on to claim that Trump’s language is fine because he’s from New York and people like it. Women only get offended because they are more susceptible to it. He trusts him to lead our country because he has his name on skyscrapers. He’s pressed to really answer why he thinks we should take a leap of faith on a man with no experience and we are given the reasons of Benghazi and how we are more racially divided now than we were in the 1960’s, and 30,000 emails and guess what? Now we want to:

We have one more caller. Rob from New Market calls him with a question about Trump’s budget. Billy makes an audible snore that we are sure he’ll eventually blame on a faulty microphone. The questioner states that an independent agency reviewed both budgets and found that Trump’s will leave us $9 trillion in the hole while Hillary’s will bring $1 trillion in growth. Billy tells us to just look at all the buildings.

Finally, Katherine asks if Billy would support North Korea. Billy says sure you need to get along with everyone. Katherine retorts, “But he’s crazy.” Well, just go to Dennis Rodman he’ll sort it all out. We don’t want to be #1 on their hit list, we want be #12 or something so we can give China time to take em out! Someone appoint Billy to the foreign service pronto!

The interview ends with Katherine telling him to stop wearing that shirt. LOL! Why should he? It’s an accurate description. At least he has that much introspection.

An alert reader reminded us that Billy stated that to be in government you had to leave 1/2 your brain at home. Is this Billy’s excuse for his poor performance as a county council member? Does he have a case for the 1/2 of the brain he can’t be bother to carry around with him? Just asking questions!

Your faithful Yokels only expend our precious energy in creating drinking games about our lovable, quirky county council. We would be remiss, however, if we didn’t point you in the direction of a fun drinking game for tonight’s debate. For how can anyone be expected to get through it without liquid fortification? Make sure you have a yuuge supply of booze on hand, it could be a long night! Click here to play.

The Frederick County Council workshop on human trafficking really left an impression on the Local Yokel writers’ fret-o-meter. Because of our former BOCC president’s legal issues, we have focused on the sex trafficking aspect of this multifaceted modern day enslavement, while in reality law enforcement has identified issues with labor trafficking as well. At any rate, when we learned that Frederick Community College would be hosting a sex trafficking victim, we wanted to go hear this woman speak.

It was a lot to process. We have a few takeaways to share. People who fall into this are vulnerable in some way from the outset. Their vulnerabilities make them ideal victims. This woman was a 12 year old runaway from Fairfax County. She was having behavior problems, and no one in the community or school system correctly identified the source of the problem as the abuse she was suffering at the hands of a family member. This was one aspect the county cited as a reason the workshop topic was necessary. So that educators in our county receive the appropriate training to stop this in its tracks. And some people made a bunch of noise trying to say this training was some kind of perk for the teachers (this thinking is literally impossible to understand, but it bears repeating because our least favorite school board candidate, Cindy Rose, was a part of that).

Another aspect of the issue involves law enforcement. This young girl was sent to Riker’s at the age of sixteen because she had been abused into submission and would never give her real name, age, or circumstances to authorities. Later in life–it’s truly a miracle she is alive–after escaping this hell, she lost her job due to an extensive arrest record tied to the one set of fingerprints common to all these assumed names. Another part of the county workshop highlighted the need to train law enforcement to ask the right questions and find the right resources. Immediately. This would ensure that victims are not victimized further by a dysfunctional justice system, or the social system as a whole.

And a moment to discuss what an amazing human being we saw speak. Her name is Barbara Amaya. She said someone told her the average life expectancy of someone taken into sex trafficking is seven years. Not only did she return from ten years living this nightmare with just a sixth grade education and somehow cobble together as normal a life as possible–as a parent, a functional member of society, and now someone who writes books, mentors people, speaks in public (in spite of obvious reservations about taking on that role). She is also working with our House and Senate to pass legislation for Safe Harbor and to get the records of sex trafficking victims expunged. Amazing. What a gift she has given to this world out of some truly horrible circumstances.

One thing she was quick to point out is that there is no such thing as child prostitution. If you are having sex with a minor, the only word for that is rape. She was raped dozens of times a day. Let’s take that a step farther, though. If you are having sex with a person of any age, whether you bought the services or not, and someone else is brutalizing that person so that he or she will engage in your commercial exchange of funds for services, what exactly are you doing? Making love? And legalizing prostitution only helps the “customer” avoid punishment for his involvement in this. It incentivizes sex traffickers to find more victims. There really aren’t two sides to this issue. You’re either deplorable or you aren’t. More about that in a second.

It’s been a bee in our bonnet ever since Billy Shreve objected to the need for a human trafficking workshop by running his mouth off without thinking (shocker) and saying that there are groups both for and against this. We know he has a friend who has a history of poor decision making with regard to his sex life. (A friend we feel zero sympathy for when he takes to Facebook to criticize everyone for not being more understanding of his troubles and demons.) Shut up. We don’t know if you know what deplorable means, and we’re pretty sure you think you are using this stupid sign ironically. Even if you don’t know what ironic means–and apparently you don’t, because it sure seems to be totally absent any irony to this clique of writers.

Looks like you think there will be a bonfire at Winchester Hall in the near future.

Just kidding. Sort of.

We hope you all remember the council meeting where Council President’s Otis’ phone rang and everyone was treated to his “Bad to the Bone” ringtone.
That got us thinking. We need your to help us decide what ringtones to assign to each council member and some other locals that we want to set up on our speed dials.

We realize this means you will have to do extra work this week with all these polls, but we think it is important enough to ask you to take the time to complete each one.

We also highly recommend you google the lyrics of any titles of which you are not familiar. WARNING: some of these songs contain lyrics that some may find highly applicable offensive.

Holy moly, it’s that magical time of the year where the council members must send legislative priorities for Frederick County up to the County Executive’s office so that they can be included in the upcoming public hearing regarding these priorities. Some highlights below.

Kirby sent out a press release about his wish list, which we have already told you all about. He suffers from a special condition wherein he has no idea that he lives in Maryland and not Kansas not Texas. It was his turn to go first, but he was whispering to his neighbor and so they called on Jerry to go first, and there were words exchanged about it being ineffective and useless but still everyone wanted to support Delegate Krimm’s efforts to do something about derelict properties.

Then when M.C. asked Kirb-o if he was ready to take his turn now, Billy piped up to ask who was running the meeting and asked if Bud was going to start doing it now. We learned he extols the “bar stool manners” one day when he was whining about people criticizing him on Facebook (gosh, we wonder who criticizes him so much…). That is theoretically like saying what you would say to the person next to you at the bar, but in practice seems to be treating everyone like he’s a mean drunk. We heard he’s a teetotaler; it’s just an analogy, people.

Taking to Facebook to confirm our suspicions correct, apparently the reason he wants to put forth something that has already been taken up in Annapolis was just to try and take the teachers down a notch. Also, Billy called the teacher’s union like organized crime, because they obligate non-union teachers to pay a fee to the union for taking advantage of the contract negotiation process, even if they aren’t going to pay dues and join in the process. So as you plainly see, this is exactly like Tony Soprano.

We might be able to help a fella out here. While we don’t know Bud, and we don’t call people because we are all kind of antisocial, we do know that he is a Seventh Day Adventist and that they are kind of groovy in some regards. Groovy meaning they are pacifists, thus unlikely to be interested in traditional shootemup solutions.

Oh, what else happened last night? That’s right, school vouchers turned everything all upside down. Sound explanations were made about how private schools don’t have to accept all kids, so if you send some of them to school with a voucher then the remaining kids in the public school system will be those who are most expensive to educate. Tony complained about people having to send kids to the school near their house, and how it’s unfair that you can’t get on a bus and go to whatever school you want. Which is frankly insanely at odds with his willingness to tax and spend, because of the massive public investment that would be necessary to facilitate transportation in this vision. Much like with school vouchers and charter schools, these ideas can only benefit those who can afford both the time and actual physical resources required to transport kids to LaLaLand Perfect Elementary. Suddenly Billy was claiming to be looking out for the poorest in society–so long as they are not too poor to afford a reliable car and gas money–and deriding Bud for being able to send his kids to private school.

Kirby had his other stuff about school funding, too, and they rewrote his thing about reallocating funds from one construction project to another so that it was appropriately nonthreatening to good policy, and sent it on ahead. Probably having sensed they needed to do something…anything…to make him a place at the grown up table.

There’s more worth reporting, but we’ve invested enough time and emotional energy in this meeting already today, and you’re still getting a bargain if we cut it a little short.