Two Words Please! ‘You Lose’ (Post No.3898)

A lady stepped into a taxicab at Grand Central (New York). The driver swung out into traffic, and at the same time asked,

“Do you want the radio, lady, or shall we just talk?”

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YOU lose!

A prominent Washington society woman was sitting next to President Coolidge at a smart party.

“Oh! Mr President, she said gushingly,

“You are so silent. I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you”.

“You lose”, the president replied

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LACK OF PRACTICE!

Samuel rogers had a reputation for quiet, venomous wit. Knight was a great talker and a bad listener. When Rogers was told that Knight was going deaf, he remarked,

“It is from lack of practice”.

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NICE WEATHER!

It was Mark Twain , on a balmy day of spring, who was hailed by every passing acquaintance with some observation on state of the weather . Upon arriving at his destination and being greeted with

“Nice day”, Mr Twain, he replied drily,

“Yes, I have heard it very highly spoken of”.

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A MAN HAS TO SOMEWHERE!

When Coolidge was Vice President, he was invited to attend many dinners. Always he was the despair of his hostess because of his utter disregard of the art of conversation. One lady felt that she had solved this problem by placing him next to Alice Roosevelt Longworth who was a most brilliant conversationalist .

Mrs Longworth began to chat in her usual charming fashion, but failed to elicit any response from the silent Mr Coolidge.

Finally, exasperated out of her generally calm demeanour she acidly asked,

“You go to so many dinners. They must bore you a great deal”.

Calmly Coolidge replied without lifting his eyes from the contemplation of the plate before him,

“Well a man has to eat somewhere”.

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RUDE WORDS!

A debutante went to visit her grandmother. The old lady was distressed by what she considered the girls wild and unruly manners and speech. Not wishing to appear stern and demanding she decided nevertheless that she should reprimand her granddaughter.

One evening as they were sitting together the old lady said gently,

“Dear, there are just two words I want you to refrain from using. One is swell and the other is lousy”,

“Alright” ,replied the debutante agreeably, “what are they?”

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CATHERINE THE GREAT

Diderot came to Catherine the Great in 1773 and remained for five months. On certain afternoons, he conversed with her from three to five.

I listened more than I talked, she said.

Discoursing vehemently, he would gradually draw his chair up to her knees. In his excitement, he would pound them until they were blue, compelling her to place before her a table on which he could vent his punctuation.