No lamb, no garden, no immaculate conception but there IS something about me.

3.03.2012

Today I am breaking up with my scale...for a month.

First, some shout outs going to:

-My best friend since high school who recently got engaged! I'm over the moon for her, she found the perfect guy for her and the best part is I used to babysit him back in the day so I saw him in his underwear first! Muahahahaha!

-My makeup discoveries for the last few weeks: Benefit They're Real! Mascara, Smashbox Halo Hydrating Perfecting Power (in the shade "Super translucent white red haired girl", aka fair which is KICKING my normal Bare Minerals' hiney), Nars lipgloss in Chihuahua and Essie nailpolish in "A Crewed Interest'. I'm not sure which I love the most, honestly. Probably the lipgloss, it's ridiculously expensive but actually beats my favorite lipgloss of all time, a shade by Philisophy that they don't even make anymore. (womp womp). Yes, I have a makeup obsession and no, I am not interested in apologizing for it.

-Chick Fil A. Omg, Chick Fil A! They have them in Northern Virginia, ya know. Where I was staying Tuesday and Wednesday. And therefore where I ate Tuesday and Wednesday and did not feel bad about it. Oh, and then I found out there is one in a mall in New Jersey so I went there last night before I drove home. I didn't get back until 11pm because of it but it was SO worth it. Thank God we don't have them in NY, that's all I'm gonna say.

Anti shout-outs to:

- My head for giving me a solid migraine for the last 3 days. It started on Thursday at 6am when I got to Dulles airport to fly home from DC and hasn't quit since. In it's wake it has given me the inability to have any patience whatsoever for two full days of work because all I wanted to do was lay in a dark room and die or at the very least try to dig a hole through my forehead in the hopes of relieving the pressure, neither of which I could do in public. It also ruined my ability to go on a hiking/snowshoeing trip to Vermont with friends today that I have been counting the days until for MONTHS because I can't drive. I hate migraines. And I hate that crying makes them worse. And I'm crying because I didn't want to miss this trip. And because I am a crier.

-A BIG thumbs down to Amazon who hasn't shipped the bun's new mansion yet. Usually there are on top of shipments but it's been a WEEK. And she needs her new house!

-The bun for realizing within 30 seconds of being released from her cage today that I am not at 100% capacity and therefore using it to her advantage to play in Trixie's litter box for at least 10 minutes before I realized I had left the closet door open. Although it was pretty genius of her so I guess she gets props for that. However she is now back in her house frantically taking an extendo-bath because hello! Kitty boxes are stinky. Goober.

Now she is in the corner of her cage with her little head on her paws because she knows she was bad. That makes me even more sad which means she will receive a yogurt drop as soon as I am done with this and yes, I realize that that is rewarding her for bad behavior but she's a BUNNY and YOU try punishing her for more than 10 seconds. Impossible.

Also I can't leave this out, last night she received a fruit cup that I drove 3.5hours home from New Jersey with and she KILLED it the same way I would kill a Sprinkles cupcake. Kinda made me proud.

I'm not Catholic but I am giving something up for Lent anyway. And by Lent I mean March. Because I'm not Catholic so it doesn't need to be accurate, right?

So what am I giving up for a month? My scale. And my tape measure. For close to 3 years I have weighed myself every single day that I am home. It helped a LOT with my weight loss because it really helped keep me in check because even if I knew that there was no way that I could gain 3lb in a day, if I saw that it would keep me in line for the day. I know that "they" say that you shouldn't weigh yourself daily but "they" also say that the odds of losing weight on your own are against you, that it's nearly impossible to lose 120lb in a year without starving yourself, that chances of gaining back all the weight you lost within the first 2 years are high, that running will permanently injure you. But I like to prove "them" wrong all the time.

Recently though I have found myself really frustrated that the scale isn't moving much. I am pretty recently back on the wagon so I'm nowhere near perfect and my body isn't going to respond the same way this time around. I need to get my metabolism back in order first and I know that logically but mentally it's hard. I am feeling better and my running is getting there (even though I am taking it really slow which is frustrating in its own right) and I need to focus on those things, not what the numbers on a scale say. Numbers are just that: they're numbers. I've never worried about my age so why am I beating myself up over what my scale says? Why does the fact that the needle stays on the same number every morning have the ability to put a dark cloud over my day that hasn't even started? These are illogical things that aren't helping me.

I am aware of the fact that once I am back to running 30-40 miles a week again my weight will have nowhere to go but down. I know that as I get myself more used to eating 6-7 times a day again my metabolism will flourish in the way it has in the past. I know that the more I get used to eating the things that help my body perform the way I ask it to the less I will crave the things that do nothing to help it. What I need to do is stop beating myself up over a number and focus on how I feel.

For the next month I am not weighing myself or taking any measurements of myself. I'm instead going to focus on the two races I have this month and eating to get my body ready for them. And I'm going to actively stop being so hard on myself. It's really easy to beat myself up over everything that I see as a negative but I'm getting rid of that for the month too.

In summary:
no scale
no tape measure
no self loathing
for all of March....and maybe even longer.