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I’m both embarrassed and thrilled to find out this week that I’ve been cock blocked, quite literally, in my understanding of external prostate massage.

Lately, I’ve been obsessed with genitals. Or more specifically, their underlying structures. Recent time spent staring at Planned Parenthood’s diagrams (so detailed!) mixed with enlightening sex conference lectures have inspired me to take some of the fuzzier (read: enigmatic) pleasure areas and really flesh them out.

One spot of confusion has been the male perineum. That is, the space between the scrotum and the anal opening. The way I’ve always heard it, to pleasure the prostate externally, just “push up on the area behind the balls.” I’ve experimented pressing on this area on partners many a-time, with little more reaction than a shrug. I finally figured I was just a super lame-o and moved on to other hot spots.

Then it HIT me this week while studying up on internal male anatomy for my workshop on backdoor basics. Staring at the location of the prostate***, my gaze drifted downward and was startled to notice what lay just beneath the surface of the perineum.

Diagram from Dr. Jack Morin’s fabulous book on “Anal Pleasure & Health.” I added the arrow for context. I highly recommend this book to everyone with an anus. Srsly.

Ahoy there! It be the bulb of the penis, where the deep end of the erection ends! Pressing up on the front half of the male perineum meets this bulb while the back half of the perineum has muscle, but no cock block. So it’s softer and offers up a secret pressure port to the prostate. Huh. Well look at that.

So, I realize now that I was pressing TOO FAR FORWARD! I always knew that an erection doesn’t end at the pubic mound. What I didn’t realize is that it ends close to the outside of the body, directly above the front half of the perineum! No wonder it always felt so hard! Duh!!!

And so my friends, we learn once again that, as with so many devilish delights, the pleasure is in the details.

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***FYI The prostate gland is a walnut shaped rich bed of sensual nerve endings on male bodies that can be felt three or so inches past the anal open through the rectal wall toward the belly button. Ding dong! It originates from the same tissue source as the urethral sponge in women, commonly referred to as the G-spot.

Thanks for this, Sandra! The diagram is super helpful! My male partner LOVES external prostate massage and I too recently learned I was pressing too far forward. Lining it up with the diagram is super helpful—now I can see exactly WHY I was too far forward. I’m my mind I wanted to be at the base of the penis (not sure why? It seemed to make sense to me at the time—it’s the PENIS after all, right? Isn’t the penis magic? LOL)—but I guess that’s not why it’s called a PROSTATE massage. I was trying to do like a “buried penis root massage” (which sounds very new agey and vegan) . . . or something. I’m sharing this for sure! Thanks!!!

This is super helpful, I’m kind of a mess when it comes to the male genitalia.

Hey, I’m Jules, and I just wanted to say that my husband and I listened to your recent Poly themed podcast since we are newly exploring the lifestyle, and it was such an amazing help and so eye opening. Really made us feel great about our decision and helped us make new rules and better choices. Also helped us learn that it’s ok to be selfish. So, just, THANK YOU. You’re amazing.

Having the prostate massaged while getting a hand job is the bomb for sure, my wife has made it a special task to get good at this and trust me she did her homework. Massaging the prostate is such a blowout when you reach your orgasm is just great, explosive like I was 18 again…not really but close….add a cock ring to the mix and it just gets better….give me that vibrator and we have our selves a night of intriguing sex….I love my sex toys and having my prostate massaged what a orgasm….love it….my wife loves her vibrators by herself but even more when I get them in my hands….oh yeah

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i dont know if this is local language our not but, where you press here arrow is pointing male perineum i would called the lower taint, like paint but a hard t sound, the taint is the line that runs from the highest point under the testies to the anus. Without the picture i wouldnt have know what you were saying, but if you said push on the low side of you taint, i would have been like ahh really. Side note men are know to scratch and play with the balls, but we also scratch and play with our taint.