Once heard on Prairie Home Companion. The chorus is as if called out by Scottish conductor, with long list of place names:

Ye'll have tae change here.Ye change for [place names]Fife and John O' Groats,[Place names] field and Quaker Oats, and [place name that sounds like "Auchterlach" and AberdeenAnd a' the places in between,Unless ye want tae gang to [place name].

WILLIE LEE

Oh, I am a railway porter and my name is Willie Lee, You can search around the country frae Dumbarton tae Dundee, I'm the most important person that you're ever like tae see And my duty is tae tell ye whaur ye chinge fur.. Ye change fur....

Oh, at Auchterclochter junction if you're ever like tae be, Just pop your head frae the windae and you're sure tae notice me, I'm the most important person that you're ever like tae see And my duty is tae tell ye whaur ye chinge fur ... Ye change fur....

Ae day at Auchterclochter junction, oh I wis filled wi' pride! The royal train drew in and when I looked inside, I saw Her Majesty, Lizzie, the Queen and the Duke wis by her side And they asked me a' the stations that ye chinge fur . . . Ah telt them...

THE RAILWAY PORTER SONG

Well, I am a railway porter and my name is Willie Wee, I'm the maist important person ye could ever hope to see, I'm in charge of every station, fae Dundonell tae Dundee, And I'm only here to tell ye where ye change for.

Ye change fer Auchtermuchty, Tilly or Tuchty; Crieff and John o' Groats Fife and Tulloch oats, Beecham's pills and Quaker Oats: Ye change for Ecclefechan, Aberdeen, and all the stations in between.

Unless ye want tae gang tae Tobermory.

Ye should see me hurl ma barrow, ye should see me sweep the flair, If there's no a tip forthcoming ye should hear me curse and swear, When a train comes in the station, ma heid flies in the air, And I cry wi' all ma might - You've got to change here.

Well, one day the Royal Train drew in, my heart was full of pride, I keeked in through the windae, and whae d'ye think I spied? It was His Majesty ! King George - himself; The Queen was by his side. So I cried, wi' all ma might - Ye've got to change here.

Horseye observes he does not know where the song came from, but his uncle Tilch used to sing it.

O.k. Scabby Doug. It seems to be a "Scottishized" version of THE MUDDLE PUDDLE PORTER, vintage (apparently) 1823, in which one changes for "London, Chatham, Peckham, Brighton, Margate, Bow. Levy has it:

title: The Muddle-Puddle Porter. Composer, Lyricist, Arranger: Written & Composed by George Grossmith Junr.; The last three verses written by James McCraw Junr., Esqr. James McCraw Junr. Publication: London: Hopwood & Crew, 42 New Bond Street, W., n.d.. Form of Composition: strophic with chorus Instrumentation: piano and voice First Line: There was a railway porter on the North South Eastern Line First Line of Chorus: Change here for London, Chatham, Peckham, Brighton, Margate, Bow [varies with each verse] Performer: Sung With the Greatest Success By Lionel Brough Engraver, Lithographer, Artist: Stannard & Son Advertisement: ads on back cover for Hopwood & Crew stock Plate Number: 1823 Subject: Caricatures Subject: Waiters Subject: Steamboats Call No.: Box: 048 Item: 007

Copied from http://memory.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/S?ammem/amss:@field(TITLE+@band(The+Muddle+Puddle+porter.+[n.+p.]+[n.+d.]))

THE MUDDLE PUDDLE PORTER

There was a railway porter on the North South Eastern Line, Where intellect was limited whose age was forty-nine, His pest was situated at Muddle Puddle Junction, The station's names he called out indistinctly--but with unction, And all the porter had to do thro' morning noon and night, Was to waggle to and fro a wretched bell with all his might, And shout the sentence in a manner which you must know, Change here for London, Chatham, Peckham, Brighton, Margate, Bow.

He thought in all his thirty years of service it was strange, His wages never were increased, 'twas time to make a change, He meant to try another calling earlier or later, So went at once to Spiers & Ponds' who turned him to a waiter, But in his new vacation, he in trouble quickly got, The first old gentleman who came, required a dinner hot, And asked, what are joints, he said the joints sir, yes sir, oh! The joints are London, Chatham, Peckham, Brighton, Margate, Bow.

He got dismissed and went away in misery and pain Determined that he never would be a waiter again, Still he knew his troubles would make life much shorter, He'd still remain the Muddle Puddle Railway Porter And having got his berth again--his spirits did revive; With pride and joy he waited till till the first train did arrive. He rang his bell and shouted out, with vigour and ease, Two beefs, a kidney and potatoes, Jelly and a cheese

At last the station master said, this sort of thing won't do, He'd send the Irish Mail to smash and call it Irish stew, We like originality, but do not want a dreamer, The porter went as cabin boy, on board a river steamer, His duties they were simple for he only had to shout Instructions from the Captain when the boat was turned about, But when she neared Temple Pier, he bellowed down below, Change here, the joints are Hackney, Kidney Peckham Jelly, Bow,

The captain said this cabin boy, is really far too droll We stand as little chance of reaching Lambeth as the pole, So ouce again the porter exercised his former functions, Of wagging to and fro the bell at the Muddle Puddle Junction, The recollection of his former duties proved too strong. For when the afternoon express came clattering along, He nautically shouted this extraordinary yarn, Go on ahead, oh ease her, back her, turn her starn

This proved the climax of the porter in his pleasing way, The managing directors said this sort of thing won't pay, They pensioned off their servant, with a fitting honorarium, And made him hall porter at the Westminster Aquarium, Aad now if anyone inquires with condescending smile, The way to see the Octopus, he answers in his style Down here for kidneys, Stepney, stop her jelly, Brighton, Peas, The tanks are Hackney, turn her starn, potatoes, Chatham, cheese.

"Im a decent railway porter, and my name is Johnny Lee, I stop at "a" the stations fae Dumbarton tae Dundee, and "a" the stations inbetween "The Royal train" was another verse, "my duty is tae tell ye all tae change here" can't remember the words. Hope this helps.