Problem with my boss

I posted about my situation a little while ago .... Shortened version...

'Im 37 my boss is 53, we have been working together (along with a small team) on a project for nearly a year. Background I was shat on by my partner of 10 years when he ran off with OW he wants to come back now but that's by the by.

I have a problem with my boss, firstly he is a married man yet ...

He has set me above my colleagues, I attend senior management meetings with him when my colleagues don't, we have non stop banter together laughing and joking, we work in a open plan office and he always seems to be looking over at me smiling, he confides in me about confidential things at work which are out of my remit sometimes personal things about my colleagues, we work late together, he tells me about his children and things going on in his life.

He told me one day that he dreamt that I was leaving and called me as he was worried it was a sign that I was, he told of me of the whole team I'm his number one, another team wanted me work for them and there was great pressure from senior management but he refused to let me go.

we went on a leaving do he was constantly smiling at me and when we ate sat next to me and talked to me all night ignoring everyone else, also at the bar he spoke to only me, so much so that my colleagues noticed. My close colleague says I'm his golden girl .A customer we work with has also picked up on it saying that I have a hold over him.''

Since then things have intensified, he tells me about issues he is facing a home, I've shared the mixed emotions I have about my ex and my struggle to move on. We have lunch together alone at least twice a week ( which we don't share with my colleagues), there's flirting but he has never ' come on to me' as such, he says I'm his favourite, that our outlooks are similar ,he fines me easy to talk to and we could be good friends, this week he has given me his personal mobile number and texted me to make sure I got home ok when the weather was bad this week.

Am I reading too much into this? Or does he fancy me? I might be overreacting here but he's a married man and although I enjoy his company and like him as a person appreciate his advice etc, after what I've been through with OW I wouldn't want to get involved anything remotely dodgy.....

You are a cliche op. How degrading. If you have any self respect and want save your professional reputation stop this indulgent behaviour. Stop the intimate lunches, the flirting.

I don't think you will though, you are enjoying this way too much. People will laughing at you as the woman who gets ahead by sleeping her way up the career ladder (your colleagues and clients do not know you two have not shagged).

x posted, OP (I refuse to call you stupidgirl75!). Yes, he might want a work confidante, but it doesn't sound like that's what your conversations are confined to. Do you think the conversations over sandwiches and chips would be exactly the same if you were a man?

Trust your instincts, he fancies you. Probably trying to set up an intimate relationship, but maybe subconscious so he feels totally blameless.

The 2x a week lunches are dodgy. The personal texts are the tip of an iceberg.

If you can shoe horn it into conversation I'd tell him about his awful you feel about being dumped for an OW & whilst you totally blame yr ex then you don't understand why any woman would do that to you and you'd never be such a bitch as to break up a relationship, clearly if never ends well based on yr ex!

I know you're going to get lots if advice to give him a wide berth but I'd try to keep things friendly, its in yr favour at work.

Be aware that he may eventually get bored of you and find another favourite.

Just don't sleep with him as it'll hasten the demise of your professional relationship even quicker. Current state of affairs can't last!

Faire I'm not sure some of the banter is cheeky, I wouldn't have liked my ex to do that particularly with someone 16 yrs younger, but people are different. He told me that he wife had left a few times that they'd has problems etc, but then when I told him my ex had cheated on me and how much it had hurt me, he said he'd had opportunities in the past but never taken them because he would hate his wife to do it to him.

But then when I told him that I wasn't thinking I might have a quiet Xmas alone this year, he said I'd love to do that and get some peace, and there's a lot to be said for freedom -confusing right?

There are always going to be people you meet who, if circumstances were different, could become very close. This sounds like one of those times from your perspective. From his, I'm not so sure. It sounds at least like a crush, and an inexpertly and immaturely handled one at that. I would be expecting an eventual script of 'my wife doesn't understand me'.

I don't think you have yet done anything wrong but if people around you are noticing then you do need a serious talk with your boss / friend about 'personal conduct'. Live to your own standards and don't let yourself down.

It may now be too hard for you to maintain the friendship, in the light of public recognition, and in your current work regime. It'll be tough to withdraw to a safe distance. That distance may have to be another job.

I think you need to be careful not to develop feelings for this guy. I'd also use your great experience to scout out a new job now. He sounds like trouble. Take control, don't let circumstances control you.

I don't really know, he could be playing you, he could be dipping his toe in & keeping his motivations hidden from himself. Either way he's after you.

Thing is you're 37. You're not some stupid girl (despite your name!). You need to be firm about this. Having been fucked over by ex & OW should strengthen your resolve not go do the same to his wife & dc. You are questioning this rather than letting yourself sleepwalk into a compromised position. Doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. Bit more distance wouldn't hurt. Less of the secret lunches together. Don't reply to personal texts. Stop encouraging him.

He plans on sleeping with you. For someone who is 37, you seems extremely naive OP. Rather passive and a little vulnerable perhaps. I can imagine you sleeping walking into a physical affair with this man. He isn't 'a nice father figure'. He is predatory. Taking massive advantage of his position of power.

He's definitely a type. Think midlife crisis. I have known men in positions of power like this (work with divorcing couples a lot). Usually arrogant but totally insecure. Pretend to themselves that the affair was mutual and not engineered by them.

Do seem to be lots of men who use their position to prey on women, often younger women. Work is easy place to meet and a cover for other activity.

Your boss may seem like a nice guy but he is clearly far too in to you. A nice guy would be a bit more distant & professional. All this confiding and taking an interest in you is motivated by self interest.

He might seem nice but trust me he isn't. The cover usually gets blown when they either get what they want & ditch you (highly likely in your case) or get what they want, ditch wife then treat you like shit too (like your ex-p did!!)