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I am a SAHM of 2 boys 17 and 9, Step-mom to 3, Step-grandma to 2. Also a Wife, Daughter, Sister, Aunt,Friend, PTO Vice President and the Best Daughter-in-Law on the Planet! If I do-say-so myself! My Husband is disabled and been home for the last 7yrs I believe that gives me an automatic pass into Heaven. I Take on too much , and complain about it ALOT!!

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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Whooooo hooooo, this is my 100th post! I noticed I was close a little over a week ago and have been thinking about it ever since. I thought I would use this time to be really honest about myself and my life. Anybody that comes to my blog must think to themselves "why did she name it Tina's Insane Life?" All I've been blogging about lately is my weight loss , a To Do Tuesday list and sometimes a Wordless Wednesday and that doesn't give anyone a glimpse of my life.I have gone to write a post several times about some crazy crap that happened and never had the guts to finish it or press "publish post". I always let the fear of what others would think take over, or the fact that I must sound like a raving lunatic! Well guess what, sometimes I am a raving lunatic! So for my 100th post I am going to give you a small taste of who I really am and what I live with on a daily basis. First I will start with myself.... I think it helps to understand I am a Gemini in all it's two-sided glory. I'm outgoing , funny obnoxious and loud....but yet shy at the same time. I am overly emotional, so insecure and carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm a people-pleaser and I think it winds up making it so I don't please anyone, including myself. I try very hard (sometimes too hard) to be the best mom, wife, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, and friend that I wind up sucking at all of them. I am one of those people that if you walk into my house, it looks neat and clean.....but don't open a closet, a drawer or a cabinet! It's like a cartoon... shit will come flying out at you or falls on your head! Well, that is enough about me for now I am going to get into the nitty gritty of the bullshit that goes on in my life. I think it would be easier for me to just write it out in list form:

My husband is disabled and has been home out of work for the last 7 years. He was in a car accident while at work and has had 3 neck surgeries. (now, imagine being home with your husband 24/7 for that long..... yeah, NOT FUN)

I have 3 step children ages 22, 21 and 18. We only have a relationship with the oldest, he and his girlfriend just had a baby boy 8 months ago. But he is not our first grandchild, my stepdaughter had a baby girl when she was 17, that we rarely saw. My stepdaughter has had a lot of issues with people she associates with and her over all attitude. She recently got in trouble with the law and my granddaughter was taken into state custody. She actually spent some time in jail, and could go back to do more if she is found guilty of the charges. To top that all off, we found out a couple months ago she is pregnant again. It is a heartbreaking situation for my husband and I. As for the 18 year old... he always has had a shitty attitude toward everyone and everything. He spent a couple years in a group home for boys , then went and stayed with a foster family til he was 16 and moved back with his mother. They don't want anything to do with us because they don't want to hear us tell them that they are screwing up their lives. That is a very very short version of the stepchildren drama.

We live in a side-by-side 2 family house with my in-laws. I don't know if you have ever seen "Everybody Loves Raymond" but that is basically what I deal with. My father-in-law is an loud mouth pain-in-the-ass who has no boundaries. My mother-in-law is a bitch who loves her boys but treats them like shit at the same time. She only knows how to love them one at a time.....If she is babying one, the other is an ass and vice versa. But most of the time she is babying my loser 46 year old brother-in-law who may look like the brother Robert on the show but he is the total opposite. He is a raging alcoholic who spent time in jail, went to rehab several times and almost died. He has no job, no license and bounces from one crazy girlfriend to another. He still gets into trouble all the time and we somehow get stuck picking up the pieces. He gets away with everything, he should be in jail right now for getting arrested in Jan and then again this Monday night but of course he got his 1,000,000th chance. (soooooooo frustrating I can SCREAM) That again is a very very short version of some of the in-law drama.

I don't bitch about my own family because we are NORMAL.... not perfect but normal for heaven's sake. I attract crazy people for some reason, I can't even tell you how many friends I have had who take my being nice for granted. You know those kind that suck you dry, mentally and physically until you just have to cut them out of your life totally. (jeez, sitting here thinking of that sentence...I hope I never become "that person")

I think that is all I can write now because I need to go take a xanax and drink a glass (or a bottle) of wine. Can't believe I wrote all that, not sure it made any sense. I've had the tab open to write this post for about 8hours now and I have to just press "publish" and let it go.

Wow, glad you hit post. I've found that I can really vent in my blog and it makes me feel better. At the moment it is about food and grocery shopping but their have been days and blogs that are way deeper than that.