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Monday, September 6, 2010

Monday, September 6, 2010

Ah, Labor Day. A day when we celebrate labor and all of its laborious labors.

And who among us hasn't labored over laborious labors at some point in our labors? Heck, you may be laboring right now! You might even be IN labor! And that's the labor regarding which I have begun to labor over this post. Laboriously. And from a guy's point of view.*

(*Bearing in mind that, since I AM a guy, I've never had to bear children myself - laboriously or otherwise.)

So it all starts innocently enough. There you are, minding your own business with your nicely chiseled six-pack...

...when BLAM!, some dude comes along and gets all up in your business!

Okay, that came out wrong.

The point is: you're pregnant. And now your belly looks like this:

Which kind of reminds me of this plumber I once knew...

Or, if you're of the clothing persuasion, like this:

Because pregnant ladies like to carry baby gherkins in their underwear.You know, weird cravings and all that.

Anyway, a couple of weeks later the kid wants out:

In the worst way.

And NOW you're ready to labor laboriously. Which you might think would look like this:

"Aw! Just lookit that teensy tiny baby! I bet that didn't hurt a bit!"

Yeeeeah... no.

In reality, it tends to look more like this:

Only, you know, more goopiness, screaming, nudity, and the doctor's skin under your fingernails. Really, it's kinda like a SAW movie, except you can't sleep afterward because there's an unfamiliar person screeching in your room, as opposed to just in your nightmares.

Being in my second trimester, I found that censored cake to be positively the most horrifying sight of my pregnancy. And maybe my life.Now all I have left to do is pray that my showers will be cake-less. Which is one of the saddest things I've ever wished for.

Now in cake number 5 is that supposed to be a blanket draped over the pregnant woman. Please tell me it's a blanket and not some hideous 'oh no my skin is peeling off in large sheets' side effect of pregnancy?And if it is a blanket, where does one get these oddly anatomically shaped blankets?

All I can say is that I am sooooooooooooo thankful the hosts of my baby shower went with a basic grocery store bakery cake decorated with a Winnie the Pooh scene, complete with plastic characters stuck on top of it...

I am soooooooooo glad that when I had my children NO ONE dared to make cakes like those shown on here....These make me want to NOT eat cake again! Especially seeing the one with the baby coming out of the person that was covered....seriously?!?!? Who would want that at a baby shower? LOL!

I'm pregnant, second trimester (When's your due date, M. Muenster?) and have had at least one freaky pregnancy dream a night since the middle of my first trimester. These cakes...sure as heck aren't gonna help that! ._o

WV: ferst, as in "Won't be my ferst cake-related nightmare, probably won't be my last either..."

Funny - after my 9 hours of labor - the next day (or same day) was when my mother introduced me to Cake Wrecks, the book. I was laughing so hard that it hurt "down there." I finally had to stop reading because I was in pain!

The censored cake must have been pretty graphic, judging by what's peeking around the edges of the black bar. So what's up with the Mr. Bill facial features? I gave birth twice and I can say from experience that a falsetto "Oh Noooooooooooooo!" doesn't really sum things up.

I'm (perversely?) curious about the censored cake...I mean if they thought a big, circular completely white blobby pastry person was a good representation of a woman, what have they done to represent the...erm...*unseen* areas?

Wow, if you'd told me 10 minutes ago that I would have been curious about the private parts of a cake...

#6 Mother of pearl! Looks like Pearl is on the way out, too. I would have blacked out the whole thing. I never thought (and hope never to again) that snowwomen a.) have babies and b.) are so anatomically correct when doing so. Almost makes one envy people who have amnesia.

#7 "You will feed me now... You cannot look away... You are totally under my power..." Oh wait -- that's reality. I guess this one is accurate, then. Still, there's something not quite right... Is the mother's name Rosemary? Just a hunch.

Gotta agree with the labels. 'Questionable taste' -- much?! Not on CW's part -- you guys are just reporting -- but on the part of anyone involved in producing these.

Okay wreckerators...NOBODY finds that GIANT pregnant-belly-button attractive OR appetizing. Why emphasize that? (although admittedly that is the least of the problems with these cakes)I just want to know what the customer says when he/she shows up at the bakery and is presented with CW6. Laugh? Cry? Run away in shame and embarrassment? And further more, the wreckerator who had the piping tube of black frosting in his/her hands...what was going through the brain?

I logged on to Facebook today to find a link to your amusingly clever blog from my aunt. I'm hooked. (My blog is still birthing its personality where yours is fully emerged and gaining life with every entry!) I shall return. And, good gravy, but those CAKES!

Mrs Staypuft looks like she's been squashed by a truck. I usually see cane toads on the roads that look a whole heap like that. Mmmmm pregnant roadkill cake with disturbing chocolate sprinkles. Just what every girl needs to help her over her morning sickness. And is it wrong that I really want to see what her nipples look like? I suspect marshmallows :D

Oh those last two cakes have turned me off of having kids.. at least for now lol. Especially ones that look possessed. And that naked gingerbread looking.. thing in labor really turned me off of gingerbread too lol. Scary that the only cake I thought looked ok was the first pic. Abs are better than possessed babies or gherkins under dresses!

Being a male, I share in your understanding of not needing to worry about baring kids. However, having been present at a pregnancy, these cakes are miles from truth... except perhaps the one with the black cards. Point being, there is no cake that can accurately replicate childbirth, and people should stop using 'Aliens' as an accurate description.

I wish you'd chosen cakes that actually reflect the true reason for Labor Day. Or have our corporate overlords finally erased the memory of Joe Hill?Surely there must be cakes out there celebrating the ordinary working stiff.

My mother, an OBGYN, has taken your, "It's like a Saw movie" comment and posted it in her office and in Labor and Delivery. Because as she said after she stopped laughing, "That's exactly right! It IS like a Saw movie"! ...I think I'll adopt.

The last caption on the scary baby just sent this post over the top! Takes me back to my own 11-hour labor...the epidural...the pushing...the slimy bundle staring at me with open eyes, sucking its thumb as it was plopped on my belly...ah, good times...

I was recently asked to make one of these "belly" cakes for a shower, and I flat out said no. When asked why, I did not even consider using scheduling conflicts or something like that as an excuse, I just said "because I think they are creepy and I refuse to make one."

Also, maybe cake #4 was meant to be a tribute/Wreck replica of this one?? http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/01/why-suzy-needs-therapy.html

i totally agree that as scary as it is i want to see what was censored with those black lines on that cake.if i have any more kids, part of me would want the cake with the limbs sticking out the belly just because it is so rediculous.....but it would be creepy too...kind of like the censored cake.

Funny story about CW #4...that was actually MY baby shower cake that was made to resemble some of the wrecks you've shown us on your blog. Those who attended this shower are big fans of the website and decided to give me my very own, very horrific cake wreck. Yes, the black lines are stretch marks and the "C" necklace resembles the one I have of my baby girl's name.

The gal who graced me with this cake is actually very good at what she does seeing as how I was still devouring it a week later.

I'm glad the cake showed up here, I just wanted to clear things up. We don't often cut into belly-shaped cakes.

Again, my friends and I are big fans who still walk through grocery store bakeries and find wrecks of our own.

As it happens, I myself am in labor at this moment, and thought I would distract myself by catching up on some lovely wreckiness... And then I get to these monstrosities. I'm sure these cakes are scary to anyone, in any state - but I'm really horrified now. Thanks for the laugh!

Ewwwww... but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA P.S I am a 9-year old so don't send me the unmodified version

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