Anger

I have a fantastic memory. It is very useful… and also a curse at times…

My memory is incredible. I can recall specific days that things happened as far back as when I was 4 years old. Not significant things either… just stuff that happens on a random Thursday. I can remember the way things looked, who was there, what they were wearing and even more minute detail than that. I can remember the first, middle, and last name of the kid that sat 2 desks down and one across from me in second grade. This has served me well in my life as you can probably imagine. In school when there was a subject I didn’t grasp as well as some other subject I could just remember everything and use it to pass a test. In professional situations I can remember people’s names after only meeting them a couple of times or less. It really is a gift, but it is not without it’s drawbacks.

Everyone has things happen in their lives that are unpleasant. Things that upset them or make them mad or generally cause them pain, it is pretty much inevitable. A big part of being an adult is learning to deal with the frustration and/or disappointment and eventually move on. Part of this happens as time goes on and the memory of the hurt becomes less fresh and therefore less damaging… you probably see where I am going with this.

The major drawback to having a above average long term memory is that you also remember the stuff that sucks just as much as anything else. Not only do you remember the specifics but you remember how it affected you and how it made you feel. It seems to be particularly strong with things that make you angry. You remember all the times that someone said or did something that made you angry just like they were happening right then. I have times that something will cause me to think about something that happened YEARS ago… not even something major just a condescending comment or something that pissed me off and I will get just as angry as I did then as if that person were standing right there. It might even be worse because while the memory still provides all the sensation you got initially there isn’t the person or situation there for you to deal with so it just manifests itself in what likely appears as random fits of rage and to my experience there is no good way to deal with it.

So while having a large, hi speed hard drive with a fast data access rate in your head is really cool at times, it is not as useful as you might think when you can’t control what gets stored and how often it gets accessed.