Thursday, 15 October 2015

THE UPSIDE OF
WIDOWHOOD. RE-LIVE THE PAST WITH VINTAGE PLAYBOY MAGAZINES.

Bandaid hoarder? Post-its hoarder?

Is
there an upside to widowhood? Yes, if you were married to a hoarder, you can
now start throwing out food that was best before 2005, moldy clothes stashed in
a crate in a dark basement corner, fourteen pairs of men’s shoes acquired in
Argentina ca 1985 and suitable for a tango dancer, also 226 ties, one with
dancing polar bears.

BTW
someone should come up with classes in “tie craft”. Where is Martha Stewart
when we need her?

I
was about to throw out 8 boxes of photos but was suddenly hit by a wave of nostalgia
for my handsome husband, even though I’m not photogenic myself and always look
like a hag beside him. But I did throw out my father-in-law’s home movies of
Christmas cheer in which we all look like does caught in the headlights of a
car.

I
hope I can sell all the drill guns, saws, screwdrivers sets, and wrenches I
have in quadruplicate, and it looks like I’ll never have to buy another roll of
duct tape or another paint tray.

Did
I mention the cans of paint on the shelves? There is one with a hardened
residue of mauve to match the mauve walls we had in the bathroom ca. 1995. There
is also a can of spray paint to repair scratches on the red Jeep we had 1996-1999.
Actually there was never an occasion to fix scratches. We totaled the car.

Cleaning
the basement can be a history lesson. Playboy magazines anyone? I have two
dozen from the 60s, slightly water damaged. Or is that drool?

Then
there are the stacks of course notes –
including one in Fortran from the time when computers were the size of a
room and had to be fed punched cards. Not to forget the drawer of old cell phones
which amounts to a history of hand-held devices.

After
you’ve thrown out everything, the house will feel empty.

Not
a good punch line? I know. There isn’t a good punchline for death.

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About Me

I was born in Vienna and obtained a doctorate from the University of Toronto. I am the author of more than a dozen non-fiction books (social history, biography, translation), three novels (Playing Naomi, 2009, Head Games,2013, and The Effects of Isolation on the Brain, forthcoming) as well as a novella, Unspeakable (download from smashwords). I divide my time between Toronto and Los Angeles, and have lived in villages in Argentina, Romania, and Bulgaria. Want to know more about me? Follow me on Twitter @historycracks. Visit my website:
http://www.erikarummel.com/