Letter to the Editor: Senate behavior

By NED SCARLETCleveland

Editor,

After watching the behavior of the United States Senate over the last several years I have come to a conclusion which, for me, illustrates its appearance.

In my younger years I spent some time in watering holes. Both here and around the world. These establishments had one thing in common; most everyone present was there to get drunk, some of us really drunk.

In spite of sacrificing huge amounts of brain cells to such activity I retain a pretty good memory. And one thing that stands out in my mind is a shared trait among most drunks. They like to talk and talk, and talk, without ever doing much of anything. The more loaded people get, the more they think whatever syllables fall from their mouths are the most profound and intelligent words to ever be uttered.

The ears of drunks function in a different way. Instead of looking for more sounds; their acuteness is limited to the sounds emanating from the orifice directly centered and slightly below them. So what we usually have at a tavern's closing time is a room full of one sided conversations made by people struck with the belief that whatever they say is brilliant and full of wisdom. These gems are spoken in slurred voices only heard by the speaker.

So the next time you submit yourself to the masochistic torture of listening to a senator blather away in their droning, pompous manner, do like I do and picture the senator standing in a bar full of drunks, fighting to make his or her words heard, words that the senator believes are the most brilliant and profound ever articulated.