Posts Tagged ‘3 Kings’

The classic scene of the baby Jesus, born in a stable and surrounded by Mary and Joseph, loving visitors and farmyard animals is inaccurate, according to a leading Christian Scholar.

Reverend Dan Browne has put forward his alternative, refined nativity scene, which is based on recently unearthed primary sources and records, to coincide with this years festival celebrations and hopes to change the way people conceptualise the coming of the lord.

Dan Brown: "Scene incorrectly portrayed by the Bible

“I want to de construct the current myth of Christmas” said Browne, in an exclusive interview. “Firstly, the heroism of the ‘little donkey’, who ‘carried Mary, safely on her way’ is a popular part of the nativity story. However, for a little donkey to carry a heavily pregnant woman from Nazareth to Bethlehem (approximately 70 miles) is obviously absurd; realistically, within a few hours, little donkey would have become a little dead.

“Secondly”, claims Browne, “there were no three wise men following yonder star, but it likely that their were three drunk vagabonds, attracted by the sparkly lights of the stable and the screaming due to Mary’s birth pains. They most likely wanted to touch the baby for good luck and possibly because, like many homeless and scary people, they like the smell of newborn babies”.

Browne also reveals that the shepherds, who were told to go to see the baby Jesus by the Angel Gabriel, were most likely just cattle-rustlers, who were alarmed after breaking into yet another Bethlehem barn, to find not cattle but the Messiah.

“It’s surprising, if not shocking stuff I know” concludes Browne. “But hey, the whole thing centres around a virgin giving birth to the son of God, so good luck calling bullshit on it”.

The beginning of a short series I shall be running after neglecting my blog for awhile due a lack of inspiration. The plan: Choose a topic (the theme being my disgust for said topic) and then write. Then submit. No spellcheck. No readingthrough. Just raw, uncensored hate. Apologies for the inevitable language. Dickface. People with […]

A game for all the family! Gather round, gather round. It’s the start of a new and exciting year – 2009 to be precise. What will happen over the next 12 months? Hopefully something exciting. But one inevitability is that this year, people will die. 😦 I know, quite a depressing thought. So, to lighten […]

Top 5 Things to Forget About 2008 5. Britney’s Comeback I think the world was a slightly more interesting, and also morally superior place, when Britney was the laughing stock of celebrity culture, barred from seeing her kids, in rehab for alcohol, depression and anger pretty much simultaneously and with her career obliterated into teeny […]