Trying to recognize myself again

I don't even know where to start. I have been overweight for many years now.. almost 10 to be exact. I always lose 10-15 pounds but then fall way off track and then gain it all back. I am presently at the heaviest I have ever been and know that for my health I need to gain control again. I find myself feeling exhausted alot, short of breath from doing the simplest things and my depression is not helping any.

I have always been an emotional eater.. I literally eat till I feel numb. Because of this I generally try to stay positive and in a good mood. However these last few months have been the worst of my life and I dont see things getting better anytime soon. My mom is in the final stages of a long battle with AIDS and although our relationship has always been a rocky one seeing her in her condition is enough to have me crying on an almost daily basis. I also have other family issues that have me stressed and my support system unfortunately is not that great.

So I am hoping that through this forum I can find a little bit of extra support to get me moving on the right track. I live in an area where there is all sorts of fresh produce and am headed out this weekend to restock the house with healthier food. I am also going to start walking again and am hoping to join a local gym in the next few weeks.

Wow, you sure do have a lot on your plate, and my heart goes out to you. You also seem to have a great plan, and are taking the steps to set yourself up for success, so that is great!

I just want to say that it is totally ok to not be happy and upbeat all the time. Sometimes I feel that pressure too. I have ignored feelings of being not ok before because of that pressure to be "the happy one" only to have it all come crashing down. I have eaten to become numb, too, but I was in denial about it for a really long time. It sounds weird, but I just kind of stopped using food to soothe myself. Instead of doing anything to become numb, I have just been acknowledging how I feel, accepting it, and then just being nice to myself without trying to make it go away. It is a method I learned about when I quit smoking to deal with cravings and it really helps with food cravings, too, because it takes away their power.

"Life is Hard, Food is Easy" by Linda Spangle. When I was ready to deal with the emotional eating side that was the best one of the lot. I also turned to yoga to help manage my stress. There's lots of newer sources for that now in books and DVD but I always hang on to my first one because I liked it so much for the stress advice not just the yoga routines. It is still around used. "Yoga for Stress Relief."

Let it out as you need to... and seek grief counseling for this big stage you are all in with Mom health. A serious illness is grief causing -- there is no shame in needing extra support for life changes/passages/happenings.

When you're going through rough times it's easy to turn to food, but for me the first step to getting healthy (I used to be bulimic/non-purging type) was realizing that bingeing is just a bad habit and that it doesn't have to be increased by added stress and sadness. A book that helped me a lot was Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen.

That is what I keep telling myself. My mother and I have too also had a somewhat rocky road, but I have always been there for her when she needed me. A couple of years ago she began drinking and became a full blown alcohol in a very short amount of time. ( addiction whether it be food, drugs, or booze.....is a b*tch). I went to visit her and was broken by what I found....I fifth-a-day habit and I just couldn't understand how this happened. Long story short I moved there to try and help her get clean and seriously messed myself up in the process. It wasn't until I found a support group that I started feeling "emotionally" better. And now I am attacking the damage I have done to my body. I am single and I live over 1200 miles from any of my family or friends. But I have the people on this forum to support me and lift me up and you will too.

Don't give up and always remember that you have the strength.....whether you know it or not!!

who teaches us what's real and how to laugh at lies
who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend
who chains us and who holds the key that can set us free....