87% Of Boyfriends Use Spoons to Butter Toast After Hiding Knives from Psychotic Girlfriends

A new alarming study has been released, showing a level of fear and anxiety that is being placed upon this new generation of young men. According to a new study, a high percentage of millennial women have become mentally deranged. However, you will not know it until you get entangled in their web of deceit.

This is forcing 87% of boyfriends in the United States to hide their kitchen knives. Leaving them with no other option but to butter their toast with spoons. “One night I had to go to the store to buy my girlfriend some tampons,” said Jerry Munoz, a scared boyfriend. “The store was just up the street, but there was a lot of traffic. I guess I was 48 seconds late. Plus, I had to take a detour which put an extra 1.25 miles on my car. When I walked in the door, my girlfriend attacked me with a knife. It was the scariest thing I ever experienced in my life. But I love her, I know everything will be alright because she loves me too.”

Munoz says there are options, but breaking up with her is not one of them. “When she fell asleep, I hid all the knives. Steak knives, bread knives, Ginsu knives, even the butter knives. All gone. I feel a little bit safer now.”

Munoz is just one of millions of men that are experiencing this situation of insanity – being in a relationship with a mentally deranged millennial. This has left nearly 75 million men using spoons to butter their morning toast.

“I really don’t mind it, it’s better than the alternative.” The alternative Munoz says is getting stabbed with a knife. “She can poke at me with a spoon all she wants, it won’t hurt me. I don’t have to live in fear. I am kind of worried about the forks though. I haven’t decided whether or not I need to hide those yet.”