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1.9 NOTES

Reminder: Don’t read the Notes before reading the actual fic chapter.*Please comment only on this and previous chapters to avoid spoiling.

I feel like this thing needs debugging still.

The chapter outline for 1.9 was originally about 1.3 pages long, to give an idea of how detailed I outlined Reito/Shizuru’s dialogue and the related scenes. This is because this dialogue would open/close doors for future plot, so I had to leave enough room to both lay certain issues to rest and keep the door open for future work, if any. Succeed? Maybe. Maybe it just sucks. However, it ended up being way too long of just Shizuru talking with Reito (at least I thought so–I realize some people may not mind long chapters of talky :P). Anyway, I managed to cut a substantial chunk (nearly half a page of outline) that will instead go in Part 2, but I think it still flows fine.

On the other hand, I had neither the time nor room to go into Reito’s backstory; I might make an omake of it, but there are two aspects to his backstory that are simply “open book”: the Minagi to Kanzaki issue, and his relationship with Shizuru, if any, prior to the HiME festival. It’s actually frustrating. :P You can consider my version of Reito to be “out of character” since there’s absolutely nothing canon about any of this anyway. Still, I decided that Shizuru needed to have a more mature kind of friendship.

I also identified another timeline issue while writing this chapter. While ifuritka helped me work out the general timeline for major HiME events, having the last scene of 26 occur in the spring (note the sakura) still has another problem: Why are Reito and Mikoto still injured from the OL fight? Seriously, if Shizuru went psycho around November or whenever the autumn maple leaves fall, it wouldn’t make sense for her to run around like that over winter and through the spring, then have the OL fight occur shortly before spring break. On the other hand, having the OL fight occur shortly after the Shizuru/Natsuki thing was sparkly-resolved and then having Reito and Mikoto remained injured (and they seemed pretty minor to me) for months are contradictory, too. Therefore, I’ve come to the conclusion that, from the technical standpoint, I UTTERLY HATE THE LAST EPISODE. Unless someone can explain this to me nicely and slowly. T_T

University of Tokyo (sometimes called Tokyo University, I think) and law:
http://www.u-tokyo.ac.jp/index/e00_e.html
The information isn’t terribly explicit, but it looks like you can go through their law program as an undergraduate instead of the traditional setup here in the U.S. According to Wikipedia, their law program is pretty famous.

For Azami’s preferred hairstyle, think of a blonde version of Miwako from Honey and Clover. (At least, I think that’s a bun. Chignon? Not sure. ^_^;) In writing the section with Kosei, Yukio, and Azami (hereafter known as “KYA!”), I had to spend some time rewriting/checking over my Part 2 outline as well, which is still fairly fluid at the moment. Extra work. Parts of this chapter may change later on as I get further into the whole story because of all the details I’m trying to keep track of–I’m definitely going to lose track of some of them. Maybe I’m being impossibly ambitious. I’ll appreciate the help in keeping track of details. :P

Origami crane? :)

I decided not to “publish” the letter in this chapter. The actual contents will be made known eventually. (Admittedly, I was tempted to end at “Shizuru opened the card with trembling hands” just because I was tired. But that might be mean.)

Oh, and by the way, people: It’s GO. Not chess. Chess is for Western posers. Go is the true game of strategy! Get it straight. :P

“Although rules of Go can be written so that they are very simple, the game strategy is extremely complex. Go is a perfect information, deterministic, strategy game, putting it in the same class as chess, checkers (draughts), and reversi (othello). It greatly exceeds draughts and reversi in depth and complexity, and transcends even the complexity of chess.”

21 thoughts on “1.9 NOTES”

Yes, there is quite big problem with the timeline at the end of MH.
Shizuru definitely was psycho for quite short time. I don’t have time to recheck it now, but I’m sure that events in last episodes, including the first part of 26th, happen during no more than few autumn/winter days. Then we have quite long gap, and spring, with inconsistency of Yukariko being visible pregnant but Reito and Mikoto still injured.
(Yukariko is kind of reference here – while HiMEs are attacking HiME Star her pregnancy is invisible, but we know from Youko that she is alredy pregnant ‘:D)
So I think you shouldn’t bother too much about it.

And the chapter.
WOW. The Shizuru – Reito dialogue is absolutely amazing :).

But with all these things being said and done you build up almost unbearable tension as for me :>. For the whole time we’ve seen Natsuki opening up and now we see Shizuru backing off, plus some exterior influence, which may fasten the process.
My whole mind is screaming now : Natsuki do something, KISS THE GIRL, NOW! =D

I hope you have a good plan for the future and won’t keep me in this… suspension for too long. :)

Thank you for feeding my (unseemly) Shizuru/Natsuki addiction.
I’ve been looking for a way of expressing Shizuru’s attentions at the end of HiME to the end that you’ve presented but I never quite got there. Reading this chapter I felt like shouting “That’s it!”, but refrained as it’s 4am and the other people in the house would be rather cross with me.

I loved the entire scene with Shizuru and Reito. They way they both tried to dance around the others questions and comments and the way Reito mentally kept a score were very nice touches. They are quite similiar and probably understand each other pretty well after all this time. I especially enjoyed the mention of Mai after Reito questioned Shizuru about Natsuki – I can completely see Shizuru doing that. Reito talking about Mikoto was rather sweet as well. (I’m a sucker for anything that manages to show hints of other characters within the background of the story. I love that you manage to focus on just Shizuru and Natsuki while giving the other characters a mention in passing or letting them interact with the main two.)

The conversation flowed very well and nothing seemed out of place. Just talky enough to inform and keep the readers interested, ;)

Azami’s conversation regarding Natsuki should be rather interesting. Are you going to be sharing that somewhere along the line?

More like- woohoo, plot! Yeah.
Love the discussion. Love it. Very…I don’t know. The whole ‘Go’ bit was…fitting? Yep, that’s the word.
Only indirectly? What a pity. I looked over it again, and saw that everyone’s been mentioned but Shiho. Is there a reason, or did you just forget? I realized too late that this was the last chapter for now. Darn, I read too fast again. I’ll look forward to the new one.

(Did I mention the nun somewhere? XD) I suppose I could drop her in, but honestly, I just didn’t like her character at all. (Not that I’d kill her off or anything in the story; I just won’t have her appear. :P) I don’t think I mentioned Akira, Miyu, Alyssa, Midori… Uh, I suppose I should also reread to see who I did/didn’t mention. Wow, I’m getting senile.

Ha ha, you’ll just have to settle with near-monthly updates along with everyone else, I guess. ^^

Whoops. ^^; Now that you mention it… I don’t like her either, it was just something I noticed. I also don’t like the nun, and Akira slipped my mind. Just that when I saw Tate’s name, I was reminded of Shiho.

kikyo4ever @ 2006-08-04 23:12 SVR:
> Reito and Shizuru had an interesting talk, quiet professional.
> However, one point to be noted if you ever consider on. Back
> in ch.1.8 Nari was asking about the hospital Shizuru went to
> and it still bothers me that she hadn’t show up. I mean how
> could she missed this? Or was I getting ahead of myself? It
> would be very interesting if she did show up and see Natsuki,
> one who Shizuru is fond of, not to mention seeing Du-chan in
> Shizuru’s arm. A sight in which her fans were died to see.
> I just don’t think that Nari should be ignore, she’s going to
> be an interesting minor character, I think.
>
> Anyways, I look forward for future chapter.

This is a valid point since I don’t make the timeline terribly obvious. Both 1.8 and 1.9 *occur in less than eight hours*. Not kidding–in my outline, they’re supposed to happen on “Wednesday” (though a little variation may be okay). Back in chapter 1.4, Reito drops the fact that two meetings are coming up (Tues and Wed). The council meeting was on a Saturday since the dinner was Friday night (1.1).

1.8 begins with Nari in the morning (since I barely imply she’s doing bathroom-y things when Yukino calls), and Yukino speaks of a meeting that day, therefore it should be either Tuesday or Wednesday. Shizuru is awake around 11:00 that same day (in text). Natsuki leaves when Reito comes in a little after 13:00 (in text–1:00 p.m. for you Americans :P). The entirety of the Reito/Shizuru conversation is after 13:00, and it’s reasonable to assume Reito would visit Shizuru after the meeting (in text–report). The reader could reasonably assume that the scene with Kosei/Yukio/Azami occurs about the same time. By the time Natsuki returns at the end of 1.9, they haven’t had dinner yet.

Compressed much? Nooooo, of coooourse not. ^_^; Yes, Part 1 was supposed to spread over a one-month period, but again, I made a planning error and was left with about a week for the spring break prior to the new school year. *If I had known at the beginning that I had about 2 weeks to work with, the outline would be very different. It’s possible Nari wouldn’t exist at all. But for now, I have other plans for her. ;)

I think the talky went quite well; the levels of subtlety that should exist in the dialogue between Shizuru and Reito is apparent.

—
I think it may be in your readers’ interest to mention that Reito is seated at the beginning, because readers may read 1.8 and 1.9 on separate occasions and not really clue in on how he is already seated at the end of 1.8. Mind, not mentioning it “directly” since that would be repetitive, but if his “seatedness” were mentioned in an offhanded, minor-detail way, then… yeah. Since you can’t really assume people are going to read it at one go. (Or that they can remember it.)

*looks around confusedly for a bit* Was what Reito wore the school uniform for his year? I can’t recall anyone else wearing it, but… eh. I haven’t watched Mai-HiME for too long, so I wouldn’t know.

I loath to sort of tear up this part, but what I don’t get is, why would Shizuru keep the purple kimono? It was all… torn up. I remember how abhorrent I found the fanservice with the cleavage-showing part, since it was completely inappropriate at that point of the story, but anyway… yeah. I suppose you could argue the point with her going psychotic and keeping it for “reasons unknown”, or maybe I’m forgetting a scene with that in it.

(I’m referring to the bit where Reito said he hated things the OL touched and Shizuru saying how she understood that feeling.)

And are we assuming Shizuru’s spoken about the purple kimono with Reito already, prior to that flashback? And if they’ve spoken on it already, wouldn’t they have already mentioned how Shizuru felt that way, too? Since Shizuru would definitely not just waltz up to Reito and talk about how fun it was for her to rampage with the aid of Kiyohime and whatnot…

What I’m saying is, this dialogue implies previous dialogue on a topic where this point would’ve been covered in all probability.

(Why do I get the feeling you won’t understand my rambling?)

And I’m questioning the validity of this also because the dialogue implies Shizuru kept the kimono, since she wouldn’t have been in a proper state to appreciate the gravity of what she had done, had she not kept it.

I don’t know why, but I got a feeling that you made Reito open the curtains near the beginning 1.9 for some future… thing. Like for KYA! to spy on Shizuru again, or something. Reito opening the curtains is a perfectly natural thing to do, and yet, I can’t shake off these vibes that I get from it every time I read that line. ^^;

*raises hand*
I’ve a question.
Does this mean Reito doesn’t know Shizuru nearly as well as we’d like to think? Reito’s thinking that Shizuru’s “not the type to buy [toy puppies] for herself”. Or is it just a way for you to add in stuff about how Du-chan’s like an extension of Natsuki?

I mean, with the “bad housekeeping” comment on how Shizuru feels it’s tiring for her, it feels more like an intentional thing on your part, but for this one, I feel like you’re just trying to lead in to how Du-chan was purchased by Natsuki, and consequently given to Shizuru.

Eh, I don’t know, but isn’t Reito picking up the papers from Shizuru’s lap and putting them back into her hands a bit… weird?

Poor Shizuru. She’s so… sighy and quiet in this chapter. But… do you think you may be using “sighed” once too many?

They both remained still until Shizuru finally sighed, “No, I believe you are at least partially correct.”

“Admitted”, perhaps? Or something.

Shizuru immediately felt the urge to toss something at Reito’s head, but slipped into a weary smile.

Even when the rest of us girls try to move forward

Is “us girls” really necessary? Since “us” is really only applicable to the HiME, and they’re all girls… Really, the people who were the most affected (other than Reito) were the HiME, given that they had to deal with killing other HiMEs’ (HiME’s looked too weird) Most Important Person. The MIPs themselves had it easy… they just sparklied and looked pretty (except Shizuru and Natsuki, of course); the HiME had to deal with the aftermath.

The warm look dissolved off his face as he watched Shizuru begin to brood.

Sometimes I think I can feel it, like a marble under a futon mattress.

Eh… two things. Firstly, isn’t “futon mattress” too tautological? I would suppose anyone with half a head knows what a futon is…? And secondly, wouldn’t a marble under a futon be a little too… conspicuous to only notice on occasion, like the way Shizuru feels that (perhaps) dormant feeling?

Her thoughts tumbled forward, gaining momentum like a stone dropped from a cliff.

I wouldn’t say this is incorrect, since momentum is mass times velocity, and velocity does increase, obviously, when it’s dropped from a cliff. But given that momentum is how hard it is to stop something– and how one doesn’t really “stop” a stone that falls from a cliff– wouldn’t it be more appropriate if you said a ______ that rolls down a hill, or something? A snowball, a stone, or something else. Do you know what I’m saying? It’s not even a “sciencey” aspect, it’s just that… gaining momentum is just how you’re saying it’s almost spiralling out of control (because it’s so hard to stop) and it helps with the imagery if you say it’s a stone that’s tumbling down a craggy hillside… or something.

Which is even more appropriate… since you said Shizuru’s thoughts “tumbled forward”.

“It is like an infected wound that barely closes. The slightest jar may cause the wound to blossom–easier, perhaps faster. Will it never heal?”

Ooo, a mixed metaphor. I don’t mind them, and frankly, quite enjoy using them on occasion, but isn’t it a bit weird in this case? The connotations don’t work so well here.

Shizuru-san’s actions compounded above the festival alone and out of a ‘twisted’ form of love, a love you had guarded for so long. That is what you’re thinking, aren’t you?

You’re switching in the middle of a sentence. First “Shizuru-san” and then “you”.

“I tried.” The simple, accented statement fell onto the bed, then seemed to disappear like smoke.

There’s nothing wrong with this, but I think “dissipate” would fit into the smoke imagery a bit better.

Reito mulled this over. More familiar with her ways than most anyone else

Eh? Most anyone else? It sounded alright when I looked at it, but it looks weird upon closer inspection…

*applauds*
The way you explain away Shizuru and her teasing despite everything is brilliant. I commend thee. Now, I give you this vintage, Natsuki-approved mayonnaise as a prize…

They both savored the happy thought for a little while

Question. How is it a “happy thought” for Reito, that Mai should be Natsuki’s friend? Not that Reito would find it to the contrary, but I’m just saying, how is that particularly, a “happy thought” where he is concerned?

and instead gazed into his warm, gray eyes

“Warm grey eyes”, no? I vaguely remember you doing so in the same manner with Shizuru’s eyes. I suppose “warm, grey eyes” is doable (although you use “gray”, of course) if you’re trying to emphasise the warmth of his grey eyes, but it seems incongruous to me.

She imagined a younger Natsuki in her elementary school uniform.

Um, is this Natsuki completely from Shizuru’s imagination? Since Shizuru saw Natsuki first when she was in middle school, or… something? I don’t know.

And yay, it’s so much easier to visualise the scenes with KYA! when I know how they look like now. I know you mentioned that the hair colour for Yukio is a bit “ehhh” in the gallery, but that looks like blonde a LOT more than this light, greyish-brown you speak of.

“I don’t want to!” She stopped her rant to study Shizuru, who looked up at her curiously. “You look tired.”

“Ranting”, perhaps? It’s not really a rant…

The violent sound of a toilet flush broke her concentration

Whoo… great job on the choice of words here. Know what you mean perfectly.

“Oh, what’s that?” her raven-haired friend pointed at the square of brilliant deep blue by her leg.

> And I’m questioning the validity of this also because the dialogue implies Shizuru kept the kimono, since she wouldn’t have been in a proper state to appreciate the gravity of what she had done, had she not kept it.

Actually, that’s not what I had in mind at all (re: where Reito said he hated things the OL touched and Shizuru saying how she understood that feeling)–the “touching” part was meant to be more symbolic of entities including people, not just clothing in the most literal sense.

Noted on sighing and some other tidbits.

> futon mattress

Hm, I was probably distinguishing between the traditional futon set and only the mattress part, though I suppose it’s just redundant. Eh, I’ll think more about the tumbling/gravity part later; splitting hairs a tad, perhaps. :P I’ll have to review the infected wound metaphor, actually.

> midnight-blue

Eh, if this isn’t in the dictionary, I’m treating it as a compound adjective for “paper” unless someone tells me otherwise with discussion. ;D