Buy these great albums from K-Tel!

Once upon a time, there was a corporation called K-Tel. Among their many “as seen on television” products, they also advertised a series of compilation record albums. The commercials for these LP’s have themselves become classic kitschy memory markers of the sparkly 70’s.

What K-Tel did was produce albums with anywhere from 18 to 25 songs on a single LP, all for one low low price. Now granted, most albums can only hold about a dozen songs; K-Tel would remaster their LP’s with a softer, lower volume, which allowed them to cram more songs onto one side of an LP. Other times, the records were edited almost to a refrain and a single verse. I believe one of these discs actually has Derek and the Dominoes’ “Layla” trimmed to two minutes. Ick.

K-TEL’s 20 HEAVY HITS

Wow, you can get an LP with Janis Joplin AND the Mike Curb Congregation on it! And only $3.99 – what a bargain, man!

K-TEL’S 20 SOLID HITS (PART II)

I’m not sure what “solid hits” they were playing with groups like Laura Lee, Chase and Dusk. In fact, I had to look up Dusk in Wikipedia, and I found out it was a studio group with a name similar to another then-studio group – Dawn. Yep, Dawn was a studio group before it became “Tony Orlando And…”

K-TEL’S 22 EXPLOSIVE HITS

They were still using that goofy mirror-ball backdrop for these commercials, but at this point K-Tel started adding promotional pictures of the singers and artists. Gotta love the promotional picture for Gershon Kingsley’s studio performance as Hot Butter. Yep, nothing says “pop hit” like a stack of flying pancakes.

K-TEL’S BLOCK BUSTER

This one has a decent collection of hits – I barely remember that David Geddes had a hit AFTER “Run, Joey, Run,” but it’s on this disc. Only $5.99 for LP, tape $6.99.

K-TEL’S FANTASTIC

Another mixture of early 70’s pop hits. The flying graphics kinda gives me a headache. And I don’t know how you can call this album “Fantastic” when you’ve got Maureen McGovern’s “Love Theme from ‘The Poseidon Adventure'” on it?

K-TEL’S PURE POWER

The proofreading department probably missed the memo that Diana Ross only has one “N” in her first name. Then again, they also picked the most demonic picture of Alice Cooper to show the audience – along with one of his middle-of-the-road ballads in the background. Oh man, this LP has “Boogie Fever” by the Sylvers, haven’t heard that one in a while…

K-TEL’S SUPER STAR COLLECTION

Another mix-and-match mismatch of pop music from around the mid-1970’s. Oh man, this LP has “Boogie Fever” by the Sylvers, haven’t heard that one in a while… at least not in the last few moments…

K-TEL’S SUPERHITS OF THE SUPERSTARS

It’s a decent collection, with a bunch of one-hit wonders like Reunion and Paperlace on it. Oh man, this LP does NOT have “Boogie Fever” by the Sylvers…

K-TEL’S BELIEVE IN MUSIC

Okay, you want me to “believe in music?” Don’t start your commercial with Daniel Boone’s “Beautiful Sunday” or “How Do You Do” by Mouth and MacNeal. Thank you. Just a suggestion.

K-TEL’S RIGHT ON!

I saved this one for last. Not only do we get the herky-jerky audio edits, we also get what appears to be the most uncoordinated dancer ever seen on television. Yeah, that just makes me want to RUN TO THE STORE and buy this one. Especially when she shakes her booty to songs like “Nadia’s Theme.”