Apart from that, I’m good. Have been busy with all sorts of fun stuff that keeps me busy! Mainly though, I’ve been reading a storm.. and puzzling. 🙂 I should really get back into Cardmaking and get the last of the Christmas cards done so that I can tidy the lounge already!! ahah

That said, everything is just going well now. I completely tidied all my interpersonal loose ends, losing all my extra weight, spending my time creating Art, Reading, Puzzling, as well as just sharing moments with my little beautiful family. Life is just finally good!

Hence I’m really very hopeful about tomorrow. Can’t wait to have it all behind me once and for all (even if that implied medication for the rest of my life) – as everything will be *sorted*.

It really does feel like an entire *New* beginning. Even Spring is on its way (in another week and a few days?) and it’s the New Moon too!! I couldn’t be happier!!

Hope this finds you happy and well. I’ve been going through a lot recently, but I think starting the New Moon, I’ll be turning a new corner.

I was talking today with one of my mom’s closest friend. She’s incredibly wise, kind, caring, and I’m so lucky to have her. She said something to me that really hit home: Stop begging for love.

Brutal Beautiful Truth.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to convince some people to love me (so many of them!).. while I could have just been Appreciating in blissful happiness the Love I was receiving.

I would say I “wasted” too many years trying to be accepted, liked, and loved, but.. trying to ‘fix’ things isn’t a waste, because the pain, the challenges, help you grow and become who you are today. For that, I’m grateful.

I’ve decided today to tell you about something I’ve been going through for the past few months, though it started in reality 2 years ago.

I decided to share my experience, because if it can Help someone else, then it gives it Purpose.

A few months ago, I discovered a ‘lump’ in my throat.

What you’re thinking or feeling now, imagine this a million times more intense – especially after losing my mother in a time span of 6 months between finding out and the End.

So, yes. I discovered a lump, and the very next day I went to the Doctor’s. I didn’t Wish it away, I didn’t sit there worrying, though I was absolutely petrified. With my hands shaking, I called to see my Doctor.

You know how they say you can see your Entire life pass by in a fraction of a second? It’s true. Between the moment I realized something wasn’t right and going to the Doctors, I lived and died a million times over. I imagined all the possibilities and felt devastated, paralyzed. That night, I couldn’t eat a bite or actually get off the couch.

The next day, I saw the Doctor and she didn’t seem overly concerned. (??) She told me I needed to see a Thyroid Specialist, gave me a blood test sheet, and told me that “whatever” this is.. it’s manageable.

I should have felt Relieved. I didn’t. Why not? Because I was pretty much Reliving the Nightmare I had gone through a year and a half ago with and through my Mom: a Complete lack of Control.

My biggest fear in life is being “Blindsided” and it has made me Hypervigilent. I’ve learnt from early on to be a keen Observer to avoid Pain. So, when I found a lump ‘out-of-nowhere’, it was once again, a Massive down-spiralling shock.

I can talk about it now, because I finally have an appointment set with the Specialist and will finally ‘know’ what’s going on. That said, all things Thyroid (unless you have a very quick growing lump…which I do not, thank God..) are ‘Manageable’ – with Meds or operations and what-nots. I’m not going to Die from this.

It took me 3 months to get this Appointment, because after studying my Blood tests and (lack of?) symptoms, the Doctor felt I was the Lowest Priority. So, I’m going to Trust her. Thrust Life… not to Blindside me again.

Trust is definitely not something I give lightly, if at all. Before Mom, I always thought that I could ‘Solve’ everything. It wasn’t until her illness, but not really that, but my First Ever experience with Bureaucracy (or should I say: BureauCraSSy), that I realized sometimes you really aren’t going to get your way and find a Satisfying Solution, that the Only Solution there is to find is: Acceptance.

Acceptance sounds Passive – like you’re not doing anything, you’ve given up – when really, it’s not the case. Accepting Reality takes Effort, especially when it’s not Reflecting your Wishes. When you realize that what you really want, you will not be able to make happen, it takes Courage – not to admit defeat, but to Accept that Life has different plans for you than you had for yourself.

Mom suffered from Hypothyroidism from the age of 40 onward. I’m 38. It’s a Condition or Susceptibility that is Inherited – which doesn’t always manifest itself, but apparently can – after a Trauma or ongoing Stress. Many things can make the Condition appear. I may or may not have this. It may just be an unfriendly Nodule or a million different things. Who knows. I’m not in Control of ‘what it is’.

What I am in Control of, though, is how I choose to weather this storm. It’s a Challenge to remain (Find my) Calm while at the Heart of Uncertainty, juggling Hope with Fear of Blindsidedness.

It’s during moments like these, that you really see who and what is important to you.

The Fear strips back all that is Superficial and really Exposes what Truly matters. It reminds you that you have no Time to waste on petty arguments, or trying to ‘convince’ people of anything. Those you love and that love you unconditionally are the only people that Matter.

So, whatever happens from here, I See very clearly now ‘why’ *everything* had to happen the way it did.

Pain and Fear are Powerful Teachers. They tell you Your Brutal/Empowering Truths and Liberate you from Everything that is Unnecessary for you to Carry around.

Fear Throws you in the Deep End and if you don’t Let Go of that Baggage, that Luggage you’ve been carrying around for who knows how long, you’re simply going to drown. Let go of it all, and Swim or better yet, Float. You might as well take in the View of the Stars while you’re there, because it’s only really when you’re Flat on your Back that you get to see the ‘entire’ night sky.

I know it doesn’t sound like the Friendliest of books, but it was an eye-opener for me. During the years when I was Single, I never really knew what to look for in a guy as to how to know if he was actually ‘interested’ in getting to know me or not.

I mean from the outside I’m sure it looked obvious, but while in the situation (while I was interested in ‘him’) I didn’t know how to interpret the other person’s actions or inactions.

The interesting part about the book is that it tells you point-blank the obvious. If he doesn’t call back,.. guess what! He’s not that into you. If you invite him over, after going out, for a ‘cup of coffee’, and he turns you down? He’s probably not that into you.

People don’t tend to turn others down when they’re interested. The more interested they are, the more keen they are to Call back, text back.. and guess what.. Call first, text first, and ask you for that ‘cup of coffee’. 😉

So yep. That book was pretty to-the-point (brutal??). I still have it somewhere, in one of my shelves, because it gave me a lasting impression: something I can actually still apply today to my Peer/Family relationships.

If it takes my Friend a week to respond to a “Hi, how are you?” text.. Guess what?? She’s probably not that into me. If she *really* liked me a lot, she would probably reply a quick “Good, you?” or ..”TTYL?? xx”

Same goes for everything else. If someone wants to see you, they’ll see you. If they want to talk to you, they’ll contact you. If they ignore you or just ‘push it back to a later time’ until it becomes almost embarassing – They’re just not that into you.

Don’t get me wrong, there can be ‘exceptions’ to the rule.. where, maybe they’re in a bad place in their life (a moment in time), but generally speaking, you can get a feel of things: if it’s a “One off” or a “General Tendency”.

This also reminds me of something else I heard, years ago, from the Oprah show. Oprah was saying that usually people Tell you the Truth about themselves, and we tend to Not want to Hear it.

She had given an example of some guy who didn’t want Children. He told the girl on their first date. Years later, she was upset that he didn’t want to have Children with her.

She gave lots of examples like that one referring to people saying Truths about themselves also hidden behind laughter/jokes or.. mellowed down by a following ‘but’.

Online Dating Communication: “I rarely go out. I guess I would leave the house,.. if it was on Fire”,..ahahah

The thing about Denial is that it usually happens when “we” like the person a lot and we’re not hearing what we want to hear. It’s like dropping a fresh warm chocolatey donut in the middle of a busy sidewalk with people and dogs. If no one sees it fall, has it really touched the ground??

I mean, sure, pick it up. Dust it off. Eat it. Take your chances. Or.. Accept the fact that it just fell to the ground, chocolate face down, where a dog just walked a moment ago. Please walk away and find another donut?? There’ll always be more Warm Chocolatey Donuts. Maybe not this very second, but there will be. Trust me.

So, yes. When we meet someone (a friend or a new romance) and we really like them.. it’s easy to Justify and overlook words or behaviors that are in disAlignment with what we want and/or need.

I’ve had that myself many times over the years. The most shocking one was when I was sharing my feelings to someone I cared about (or else I wouldn’t have been!!) and the person replied: “I don’t really care, because…”

Nevermind the ‘because’ (which can last for hours to try to tone down the Brutal Truth). From that point on, I let go of my Personal Expectations and Hopes for that particular relationship and moved on to Accepting the Reality: This person was just not that Into me.

So, if you want to know how hot or cold your friendship or relationship is.. Just observe it for a while. How long does it take for someone to ‘reply’ to you. Do they Initiate contact or is it always you? Have they told you ‘Brutal Truths’ that you just don’t want to hear?

We can avoid a lot of Relationship Patterns, a lot of Hurt, by choosing to Listen to what people are Actually telling us with their Words and their Actions.

The good news is that when you Let Go of the People and Things you were trying to Force into the Shape of what you need, you’re actually Liberating that Space for the Piece/Person that will naturally fit. When you meet the right friends, the right guy, it’ll be like Two Connective Puzzle Pieces coming together.

it’s been a while! I’ve been incredibly busy lately between the School holidays and personal projects. It’s been great!

That said, I’ve also had a lot on my mind that I’ve been meaning to share here, but just couldn’t find the time. Thankfully, today is going to be relatively quiet so here I am!

One of the things I wanted to talk about was ‘Consistency’, because I’ve been witnessing so many things that come back to the importance of it.

I’ve noticed that a lot of our problems in life stem from Inconsistency and Conditionality. What I mean by that is that a lot of the way we interact with the World ‘depends’ on our mood, how we feel on a certain day. The Receptivity, the Positivity we show to others will be greatly influence on our ‘Moment in Time’, and also based on Past Experiences shared together.

When we get up on the wrong side of the bed and snap at our husband (moment in time), he probably won’t take it to heart (if this isn’t your ‘usual’ way), because we have a Loving Unconditional Relationship (Accumulation of Past Experiences).

Then, let’s say you get to work and you snap at your Coworker.. depending on how Positive that relationship is generally speaking (Accumulation of Past Experiences) you are either “Reinforcing” her Negative view of you.. or not.

The more you ‘Do’ a certain thing the more it not only Defines your relationship with people, but becomes Who you are. You can’t ‘Consistently’ Snap at someone/people, and be seen as a Positive person. That is just not in Alignment.

This is where I’m getting at: You have to decide for yourself (take Control of your Inner Temporal Inconsistencies) who you want to be, what kind of relationships you want to have with people and Align your Behavior to Match up to it (be in Alignment).

There are relationships in my life where the people are *always* upset at our Lack of Closeness, when they Consistently Ignore me or are Rude to me “Unless” they want something from me. Ignoring people, being Rude or Negative is not in “Alignment” with wanting a Positive Relationship manifested through “Closeness”.

What you do “Consistently” Defines you and will Mold your Relationships.

Many times, people will see themselves as “Nice”, because they Sporadictly “try” (this is the temporal Inconsistent behavior) to do the Right thing.. So, the Norm/Normality of the Relationship is when they ‘do not try’. No Flower will grow if you only water it ‘sometimes’. As proud as you may be for having watered it that one time.

If there is a Relationship you’re unhappy with, ask yourself, what am I Consistent in doing? Am I Consistently Nice to this person or not? If you are Consistently nice to someone and still the relationship is negative, ask yourself what Nature is the Experiences Accumulated: Have you been unkind for years (Accumulation of Negative Experiences) and now have been Consistently trying to do better? If so, it will take a while to turn the boat around, if at all.

Some relationships can’t be salvaged, if they took too many beatings.

That said, it’s never too late to do the right thing, be the kind of person you want to be. Whether or not the Result of your Actions are what you’re hoping for, the way you Act Defines you – Always. So, really, is it that important how people “React” to you? As long as you are being yourself (in Soul Alignment), the rest is not yours. How Others behave does not ‘necessarily’ Reflect who you are – though sometimes, it can.

The best way to know if it’s You or Them is Very easy to figure out.

The Difficulty that is witnessed between the both of you – the struggle, the negativity – is it only between you both or.. are there more Problems/Negativity/Struggles elsewhere in their Life. Generalization of Problematic Behavior is a very Good Key in finding out who the Struggle belongs to.

Usually, people that we can’t engage in a Consistent Positive Relationship with (however Hard we try) will Struggle in one or more Areas of their Life: Work, Family, Amorous Relationship, Peers, etc. This then becomes a Mental Health issue and the best thing to do in that case, is remain yourself, and let go of the Result if you choose to keep the relationship or let go of the Person themselves if their behavior is destructive.

It took me many years to figure all of this out, as I used to shoulder the Nature of *every* relationship I had. Generally speaking, I’m on good terms with pretty much Everyone I’ve ever met since Primary school if I chose it. The few which I simply can’t seem to mold into what I wish it would be, I’ve come to realize the Challenge doesn’t belong to me. When I look at their life, they usually have many relational struggles or other personal ones.

That said, faced with Inconsistency (of the Positive nature) or Consistencies of being pained by their behavior (being ignored or lashed out at), I would “Consistently” React (Be negative towards them by Deleting, Blocking, Ignoring back, etc.).. which would be worst than ‘Reinforcing’ the negative relationship, because I was also Betraying Myself, by throwing my Soul out of Alignment (then, feeling horribly Guilty, ruminating obsessively over what happened, etc.).

It took me almost 40 years to see that this form of ‘Control’, the need to have things the way I want them (Positive!), is absolutely not effective. I can’t Control the Nature of any Relationship. All I can do is take Control of *My* behavior by making sure I’m Consistently in Alignment with myself.

These days, I realize that we Attract like as much as we Attract Experiences that will help us Evolve, Grow. We will have relationships that will Support us and some that will Challenge us.

Embrace them all, because without the Good the Bad and the Ugly – you wouldn’t be who you are today – which is the Result of what you have learnt, are learning, and will learn.

Learn to be Yourself at All Times and Accept to Walk away from what and who is Consistently hurting you. The lesson sometimes can be to just Walk away.

Hope you’re happy and well! I’m great, so happy it’s the school holidays! Don’t have much planned for them (YAY!), except some walks, visits to the library, and of course Anna’s 11th birthday (Double YAY!)!!

The last few days, I’ve been Cardmaking. When I craft, it feels almost like doing meditation, where you can really disconnect with everything and just focus on the task. Also, other times, it’s a great opportunity to really think about everything.

Yesterday, I was thinking about my relationships with some people and it really brought home the concept of Bridges and Islands. Before mom’s passing, I used to be in ‘contact’ with a lot of family members. I realized that mom was a “Bridge”. She made people communicate between each other, she would organize family meetings, call people up to find out how they are, etc. She brought the family together. She was Clearly a Bridge.

After her passing, the relationships that weren’t naturally connected fell apart into separate Islands. I am my own Bridge with those I love, clearly.. and those that love me naturally ‘bridge’ towards me too. They write me, call, etc.

This year, as I’m making cards (which cost a fortune to send internationally!!), I decided to just leave those ‘Islands’ be. The ones I used to be Bridged to by mom (forcefully), I’m letting go of officially this year.

Cardmaking made me realize how many of those ‘forced’ relationships we have in our life through “Bridges”. Some “Bridges” force people together, which in some instances can be great, when they offer unification opportunities between people that love each other but just ‘forget’ to communicate because they’re too busy, etc. I’m thinking about a Cousin that does that a lot, organize family parties, etc. She’s a wonderful Bridge.

Then there are the Bridges that are forced Negatively, between people that don’t get along. Those are really only Temporary until the Bridge is gone, like my mom. All those relationships that I never wanted, but had forced down my throat, left with her.

Unless you actively cultivate positive relationships, once the Bridge is gone, so will those relationships (Thankfully, in some cases). The problem is that a lot of people take for granted those Bridges, and what they do for them. Often times, people that are more of the Island type (as I am myself), can tend to feel very Entitled. I have someone in mind who feels they can say and do whatever they like, because the Bridge will always Force the Islands together.

In life, at almost 40, I realize how immature and destructive that way of thinking is. Especially after losing the Main Bridge of my life.

The fact that we share our Island with other people means there will be need to compromise, adapt, accept unconditionally various Bridges and connective Islands – until and unless – they become destructive and only/mainly bring chaos to the home.

On the one hand, I think to myself that I really need to “Actively” invest time and Positive Energy in those relationships I WANT to keep once the Bridge is gone and they are no longer ‘forced'(?) to be connected to me. And on the other hand, I try to remain Zen with the relationships that are clearly only Temporary, and that will leave with the fallen Bridges, unless they blossom unexpectedly.

Some people in my life are clearly Unifiers, wanting everyone to get along – for better and for worse: they are Bridges. Then, there are people who are happily living within their bubble, peacefully, in Organized Solitude (which can mean Together with others, where everyone in doing their own thing harmoniously, like two people reading side-by-side): they are Islands.

That said, everyone is an Island and a Bridge alternatively depending on the situation and the people they encounter, but generally speaking there are very clear tendencies (as some people can’t stand to be alone, and others, be in a crowd).

So, yeah, it’s something to think about: Are you a Bridge or an Island? What will be left in your Life once the main Bridges are gone?

Hope you’re doing well. I’ve been taking a small break from the Internet (mostly just checking my emails, etc and then leaving again).

I’m SO glad it’s almost the weekend, and then, the school holidays! Winter is always so long!! As much as I actually enjoy the rain (as there’s less people around), I tend to get over the Greyness rather quickly!

Anyway, today’s the Parent-Teacher Conferences (BOO!) and the Food Delivery (YAY!). I decided to order a day earlier to balance things out.

I’ve been reading a lot this week. I put my hands on an *amazing* book about OBE’s – can’t remember the exact title now, but if you check out my Goodreads’ page or my FB, you’ll see it.

Anyway, if you remember reading about my dream where someone was helping me change my Vision.. well, I actually read *exactly* what that was about. Meaninful coincidence?? Anyway, apparently there are helpers that are actually there to help us acheive access to our Mentalsoma from our Psychosoma (which I had no idea about honestly). So, yeah.. it described/explained perfectly what I went through. It was almost Surreal.

Since then, this week.. I’ve had 2 other very odd ‘dreams’/Astral Projections (with the minimum lucidity). Basically, one of them was about my uncle that’s passed away many years ago. I’ve always found it odd that he never visited me.. but eventually, I had to let it go and just move on. Anyway, I dreamt of him maybe once or twice is 3-4 years’ish?

This week though.. I actually *saw* him. I found myself ‘dreaming’ that I was sitting at a table with him eating cake (lol) when suddenly, he asked me if I was sad. At that moment, for some reason, it clicked that he had passed away and I was in an OBE. I told him that of course I was sad that he had passed away/transitioned, because he was like a father to me, etc. Then, before I could finish he shook his head.

I stopped talking.. and suddenly I had all these pictures in my mind. It was very clear to me that he was sending me telepathically images of what he meant: If I was sad that he hadn’t taught me more about Astrology and all sorts of Mystical themes that he apparently knew about. I had no idea how much he knew about these things until I saw it in my mind. Anyway, the experience lasted a little longer and then, I told him I had to go and woke up.

This.. is also one of the very obvious signs to me in the difference between dreams and OBE’s. I *usually* get to say ‘goodbye’ before I wake up during an OBE.. except once, where I got Spooked and the high level of emotion woke me up.

The second moment this week that I spontaniously woke up in my dream.. with perfect awareness had to do with mom. This one though, I’ll keep to myself. It wasn’t the most amazing encounter or the cheeriest.

It seems to me that when you transition, you do so with whatever baggage you were carrying at the time of your passing. It’s not because you’re on the other side that you suddenly resolve everything.

I used to think that people suddenly gained incredible insight and peace, etc, but that’s not a give-in. It looks to me, after all my experiences, that it’s really a case-by-case situation. Some people do transition and remember who they are (the sum of all their incarnations), but others do not. Some just carry from one incarnation to the next some blocages or .. just a minimum of remembrance of who they were.

Anyway, I could go on for longer about it, but it might make the post too long. That said, it seems that when you transition there are moments of higher lucidity than others. I’ve met people on the other side that seemed stuck in repetitive patterns. At least, during my conversation with mom, she seemed to be working through her issues with ‘someone’. That’s a comfort at least.

Good morning, you! It’s Saturday. YES! So so SO happy about it! Matt’s at work sadly, so that means that I have the house mostly to myself, as the kids enjoy playing in their rooms.

Having the house to myself means LOUD. It means, I get to watch my Shows or listen to music without earphones on. 🙂 I get to do that during the week too (obviously) as I have 6 hours to myself every day, but.. surprisingly, the week is mostly devoted to ‘work’.

I’ve been asked SO many times: What do you do all day?? Doesn’t it get boring?? Uhm. No? Never boring. I don’t think I’ve ever felt bored at home in my entire life! I mean, I grew up as an Only child.. so I’m used to the Quiet.. and I mostly prefer it.

Also, after all the chores and computering (checking my emails, Fb, etc.), I like to read. I either read fiction or.. I study. What do I study? I study things that interest me: Psychology, Religion, Philosophy, and all the Great Mysteries. I also watch HEAPS of Documentaries.

Among my favourite topics obviously are Dreams, which I study especially through C.G. Jung, then there’s Astral Projection, Life After Death (including After Death Communication, and Near Death Experiences), and also all the Esoteric topics (from Astrology,… to the Kabbalah). And that’s what I do All day, every day, since I’ve moved to NZ.

In between, I have hobbies (Cardmaking, Colouring, Playing the Piano, Knitting, Gardening, etc). I could never be bored. I actually don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do. In reality, after I’ve done the Chores and the other things I feel I ‘should’ be doing.. there isn’t really a lot of time left. Though I do realize have a lot more time than most.

I can’t help but think that this.. my life.. is pretty much my Destiny (MC) in Capricorn. It’s one of Solitude and Study. That said, My Sun, Mercury, as well as my Destiny’s Master – Saturn.. are all happily sitting in Virgo in house 5 (the house of the Arts, Creation – therefore also our Children). And there you have it. Very grossely explained mind you, but yes.. It just gives you an idea.

Every beginning of the month, I like to think about what I’m going to do – accomplish – for the next 30’ish days. I like to set myself some goals. This month, I’m going to study Astrology. Mainly, I want to study my kids’ birthcharts. As well as mine. I also want to do the Birth and Death chart comparison for my mom. I want to see what I can notice/discover.

I’m also planning on studying more of the Kabbalah, as well as read about Abraham. For some reason, during my mother’s Transitional Journey I was having many Judaic dreams. I might get back to that in a different blog entry. As I’m sure you’ve noticed I could write all day.. as that’s really one of my favourite hobbies as well.. and tend to run them long, I know!

What can I say, I used to talk to mom about all this for an hour a day every day over the phone (for 10 years!). It was especilly interesting because she would talk back. ahah

Oh and by the way, I lost a little bit of weight again this month (though disappointingly not very much)! Only 1.1kg for June for a grand total of 11kg lost. Better than nothing!

Just had the craziest dream last night. I’m still not sure if it was a dream or actually an OBE.

Last night I dreamt I met a..Medium? Psychic? Spiritual Master? I don’t know. Though I’ve never seen her before, her face is still so clear to me: Short brown hair, nice clean make up, friendly smile. Really a lovely woman in her mid fifties?

Anyway, at my arrival she smiled and we talked for a while. Then, she extended her hand towards me to help me concentrate or increase my capacity to See the ‘Other Side’.

The moment I took her hand, my vision blurred and suddenly I felt like I was floating away, dissipating? I’m not sure, it felt as though I was coming apart, but at the same time, seeing much better, like my Awareness was sharper. It felt as though my energical body was seperating into millions of tiny specks allowing me to fold into, see through (?) what was there. It’s hard to explain.

It’s as if I was looking at a cup (as an example) and suddenly the cup and I melted into one and within it I could suddenly see behind the curtain to an entirely different reality. Ah well. I guess you had to be there??

So,… I could still feel her hand in mine, faraway somehow, and yet.. I no longer had a body.. only my Awareness.. which shifted into a Vision of incredibly Bright light.

I could barely look at it, though it didn’t hurt (like looking at a white computer screen), when appeared shapes within it, like.. shadows of people looking back at me. I couldn’t actually discern anyone specifically. I could only feel them looking at me. I knew then that they were always there, I just couldn’t see them.

Then my Vision changed again and I had some sort of flash of a book in front of me with a Message written on it. The woman holding my hand was telling me that it was a Message for me.

I ‘came back’ – still holding her hand and she let go. She said many things, though I only remember a few like that Spirits were constantly there and leaving messages/signs but it was up to us to notice them.

In my dream, I saw specific things that Mom had been doing to let me know she was still there watching. I left the room, and woke up.

That said mom still being around doesn’t surprise me, but who on earth were the others looking at me?

First thing’s first. THANK YOU *so* much to the Bestest Friend for the surprise Book that was delivered to my house yesterday!! It was SO nice!! Really made my day (my week??). It was just the most thoughtful gesture!! Can’t wait to read it. 🙂 xx

This morning started rather roughly too as I burned my hand while pouring boiling water into my coffee plunger. Luckily, it’s only red and sore. Could have been far worse! Let’s hope the rest of the day goes more smoothly.

Later, took the kids to school with Lily. It was cold, but pretty sunny. Love it when the Forest is quiet with no one else in it. It’s so relaxing. Also great not to have to worry about Lily wanting to play/jump on anyone. So perfect!

The drawback of living in society is clearly all the people around. I personally don’t feel like talking in the morning or having to manage the dog (making detours so she won’t annoy anyone) on our walk. Sometimes, I really wish we lived somewhere in the Country far from everyone else. Hence why I love the Forest so much! Even though it’s tiny!

I can almost understand why some people get up Massively early to avoid the crowds. Seems attractive right now!

The most annoying thing about Society is the fact that most people that come up to me daily usually want something. They either want a favour or complain. I rarely have people turn up just to genuinely ask ‘how are you’. I mean, people will ask, but they don’t actually want you to tell them something other than “Good, you?”. Though I sometimes do the small talk to be nice, because it’s expected, generally speaking I can’t be bothered most days.

The reason for it? A large number of the people I’ve met around here so far have been rather disappointing. I’m sure I’ve told you about the neighbour calling us “stupid immigrants” because I wanted to plant Fennel in my Garden (which some kiwis see as a weed apparently..).. or another one, mocking my accent… or yet another one, calling me a “Stupid-American-Trump-Lover” (I kid you not!) because I asked him very politely twice to remove his dog from mine (his giant pitbull was pinning Lily down and she didn’t like it…).

I’ve had to deal with comments like those more times than I care to mention or remember over the years, hence why I prefer the Hermit life over any other.

Skipping ahead, I’m reminded of something Oprah and Gale talked about in an interview about their friendship once. Gale was saying how broke she was when she first met Oprah, who at the time made a lot of money already. Oprah took a handful of cash out of her pocket and offered it to her friend to help her out. Gale, who was so broke she could barely pay her rent, turned her down while thanking her. Both Oprah and Gale agreed that if Gale had accepted the money, it would have changed the nature of their friendship and they would probably not be where they are today.

Interesting to think about, right?

In the past, I’ve been surrounded by Takers. I’m sure my Bestest friend knows exactly whom I’m referring too. This person was always broke and ‘expected’ me to fork out for them all the time. It cost me a fortune in Emotions, let alone money, before the friendship ended. That said, it did teach me many good lessons.

These days, I notice rather quickly the nature or direction a newly formed relationship is taking. I am absolutely not looking to repeat the past. While some people are incredibly generous, kind, friendly, others are constantly expecting to be given things or are asking for favours. It is especially revealing when there is no true relationship behind it to back it up.

That said, I’ve learnt to trust my intuition. When there’s something not quite right, I don’t need to go investigate what that thing is. Whether circumstances or people. If I’m interested in someone, I contact them, email them, message, something. I open the door to the possibilities. When I’m not really interested, I politely avoid. When they don’t let me avoid, I speak up.

Just recently, I’d been thinking about someone who ‘appeared’ friendly enough, but I just didn’t have a good feeling about it. This person tries very hard to convince others that their life is perfect. They must have repeated it to me at least three times so far in the short period of time I’ve known them.

That said, it doesn’t take much observation to see how it isn’t really so. Well,.. Destiny has it that recently, as they thought I was looking away, I saw them give me the most unfriendliest look. Shocking? No, amusing, as I had just wished them a Good morning when that look was revealed – justifying every intuition I had previously experienced.

In time, people’s true nature always comes out. Always. Being introverted, introspected, quiet with a serious face on, is always misconstrued as being unfriendly – which really is not the case. We *select* our friends. We “choose” who we want to spend time with, because we’re happy and comfortable being on our own. Solitude is not Loneliness. We don’t need company, though at times, it can be very much welcomed.

There are people I would love to see more often, miss terribly, or would enjoy to finally meet! So Many I love unconditionally, most of them being my Childhood/College/Uni friends, past coworkers, some of my extended family…and of course my bestest NZ friend. Many of them would probably be surprised at the depth of my attachment to them.

And so, I advise you, as much as I advise myself, to Trust your intuition, Gut-Feelings, and first impressions. They are rarely wrong.