All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!

7/12/2007

Police Comments

I wish I was a cop. Not really but it would be fun, in a cold, nearly evil sort of way to shoot off #1 as a one liner sometime.

These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than theone you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make yourbirth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess thatmeans I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not todo that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whetheryou are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a placewhere you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corndogs, and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife getsa toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, butnow we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief [of Police] Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."