Livin’ Large, Livin’ Luxury

I’m really loving life large these day. As the pastor of the Praise Immanuel Mighty Prince Temple (or PIMP Temple) I have a congregation that is dedicated to me and every word I speak. They are so tied to me that I am able to tell them anything and then encourage them to check out their Bibles to see if what I say isn’t so.
When I do that, when I tell them to go check out the Bible for themselves, I get to make them think I’m preaching the Bible. You see, I know they aren’t going to study Scripture. If they did, well – they’d know I was feeding them bogus information and they wouldn’t still be attending PIMP Temple.
As it is, they listen to me and when they read the Bible they believe it means what I say it means. For instance, I’m continuing to develop my Word of Faith schtick. As a result, I preach from Hebrews 11:3 a lot. I told them over and over again that God used faith to create the universe. In other words, by faith, we know, God created the heavens and the earth.

Now, no matter how many times they read it, they are going to hear it saying what I say it’s saying, that God used faith to create the universe and that they can use faith exactly the same way God did. And when they act on the faith that they speak, God will have to bless them. And they’re showing faith when they give sacrificially to the Mand of Gawd.

And of course there’s my favorite: ”Touch not God’s anointed, and do His prophet no harm.”

You wouldn’t believe how many men I’ve been able to shut down by using this on their wives. Any time these guys say something about me to their wives, the wives, like Pavlov’s canines, rush to my defense, warning their husbands not to speak against the anointed one, me. And of course, most of the men are either too stupid with respect to the Bible or not willing to…um…do without in defense of the Gospel. The results? I can preach whatever I want and not have to worry that what I say might alienate fome of the men. They’re going to stay there because their wives are there. And they’re going to give because their wives tell them to. It’s great!

I’ve got the church folks believing that the size of the congregation is an indication of God’s blessing. When I do altar calls and a bunch of people come forward, the church folk think it means the Holy Spirit was really moving in service that morning. Yes, I know there is no such thing as an altar call in the Bible. But it works. It doesn’t matter that I use every emotional trick in the “Finney the Armian” book to get people to come forward. When I start talking fast, or sound somber and tell them that the Holy Spirit has revealed to me that there are 13 people in the crowd who KNOW they should be coming forward, it always pries five or six people from where they’re standing. It doesn’t even matter that most of the folks who come down to the make-believe altar have no idea of why they are there or what it’s supposed to mean. It impresses the crowd looking at the foot of the stage and that’s really all I care about. As the pastor of PIMP Temple, I’m all about the image. Substance is always secondary – unless it gets in the way of getting large and getting rich.

When I tell them they have to tithe, they believe it. When they read Malachi 3, they only hear what I say it means. When they read about Abraham and Melchizedek in Genesis 14, it doesn’t matter that Abraham gave the tenth to the king of Salem AFTER Abraham’s victory against the kings of the North. When they read that section, they are going to hear it way what I say it says. And that, of course, is give PIMP Temple a tenth of everything you earn, or be ready for God to curse you with a curse.

Oh, we’re halfway to having the purchase price of the new airplane I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. My motto – “If you bless the man of God, then God will bless you” has been working flawlessly. Did I tell you I’m half way to getting the new airplane? I drive a Lexus (a previously owned one because I bought it just after I started preaching the prosperity rigmarole and taking love offerings). Looking at the numbers from collection, if I had waited just a couple of more months, I probably could have driven off the lot with a brand new one and paid with cash. But hey, the used Lexis still better than the hooptified Saturn Vue I used to drive.

Of course, First Lady Peggy is having her own adventure. But I’ll tell you about that in a little bit. I still haven’t figured out how she got the whole armor bearer thing going on her own. But she definitely knows how to instill the mindless and slavish following. Her armor bearer’s husband left her because the armor bearer was devoting so much time to Peggy. You go girl!

13 Responses to “Livin’ Large, Livin’ Luxury”

There is a serious message in here about “Seed Faith” preachers and selling prosperity by manipulating the word of God to his people. There is nothing wrong in tithing and contributing to your church but don;t try to buy God’s blessing and pay him for your needs and prayers.That’s gambling!

We have a “pastor” in the area who has received his own jet (praise gawd!) Now he can jet set with his buddy Copeland whom has been a guest speaker at his church a couple of times. Wish I had the money it takes to maintain and operate said jet! Wow!

I have been with you on this ride for several years now. God has blessed you and G.Craig Lewis to expose trickery and apostasy in the body (1 John 4:1).

I don’t see on your website any of the latest developments with another church in Maryland. As you know, Jericho City of Praise in Largo, Maryland experienced a coup d’état (set up by a self appointed board in the church and influence of Michael Freeman, pastor of Spirit of Faith) in your area. The rogue board also managed to excommunicate members of the church.

Please consider looking into this and praying about how God may use you to further warn His people. There is plenty of public information, video, new clips, etc. about this false teacher and his plan (that is becoming exposed now) to overthrow this church on the internet.

Brilliant!!! THIS. IS. THE. MESSAGE. I would like to send to all of my former church members. Each and every last one of them. Shame on these so called pastors and first ladies! Would it be ok if I printed a thousand of these and left them on the members cars, or handed them out as they left church, in addition to the TRUE Gospel.

Mel,
It’s been a while, so let me hit you up in one fell swoop:
Welcome back/good to hear Peggy’s doing much better/Congrats on the eldership/praying for Pastor Eric in his new situation/praying for pastor Billy’s perseverance and faithfulness to Christ as he leads RefAlive.

Now that those pleasantries are over, I couldn’t help but to observe one fatal flaw in your leadership of P.I.M.P Ministries. You have failed, my friend, to capitalize on the opportunity afforded you during this election year. Obviously you have forgotten the candidate and party to whom most of your sheeple will place their allegiance. This strategy was most superbly exemplified by one preacher on the WORD (less) Netwok who shall remain nameless. Let’s just say that his last name rhymes with Burnin’ (coincidental?)

“…You don’t realize that there are people right now who are planning to oust that dark beautiful brother out of office while you’re facebooking!…That’s why we are going to open up the ____church for registration and we want everybody to register to vote!…We are the largest church supporting voter registration in the city of ____, cause we’re not sleep!!!” (or something to this effect)

You see Mel, the more people you can get to your church during voting season and the more you use the pulpit as a party platform, the more people come. The more people come, the more they give to a “ministry that supports a worthy cause”. The more they give, the more trips to the bank, and the more trips to the bank, the closer you get to the cockpit vice the steering wheel.

It’s clear that your hiatus from the blogging world has caused you to lose some of your edge. Stop slipping and step up the game!
Sincerely,
R4C

(MN: Why didn’t you remind me of this sooner? I could have been capitalizing. And I would have given you at least a small commission.)

SO sad but SO true…it just makes me sick to my stomach when people approach me and say “passsah said this or passsah said that”….WHAT ABOUT WHAT GOD SAID? That is why I firmly believe that it has truly become ZOMBIES in the church and pastors behind the pulpits!…..God gives us ALL free will and he died so that salvation could be FREE but so many are allowing these pimps to take away their freedom and sell them something that has never been for sale….HOW can you buy a blessing? And why would God want your money? WHAT would he buy? WHO would he buy it from? You can not pay him for something when Jesus PAID IT ALL! And ALL to Him I owe—not to the t h e m pimps who are selfishly prostituting the sheep for his own deisires! People better start waking up and leaving these institutionalized dens of thieves and seek God for themselves…..

As always just stopping by to pass on an interesting read. It’s by Anthony J. Carter, EXPERIENCING THE TRUTH, Bringing The Reformation To The African American Church:

Pg11.”every Sunday large churches and small ones are filled with men and women seeking to drive luxury vehicles and boost their financial worth because the preacher told them that Jesus was rich and they should be rich too. Too many of these places are filled with men and women who know too little of the truth contained in Scrip- ture and too little of the truth about the God of Scripture, because they spend too much of their time ingesting the error dispensed by preachers and teachers who fancy themselves apostles, prophets, bishops, and pastors.”

The Authors team up and give historical facts on Reformers and give biblical examples. Crossways.org has ALL OF THEIR E-BOOKS for $5.99, ALL!

Hope some of this doesn t come back to haunt you as you take over your own ministry.

(MN: Not likely for a couple of reasons. First, I find the concept of being accountable to God way too sobering. Second, I am, and will likely always be, bi-vocational. I have a job, and the congregation pays me nothing – except maybe an occasional book or so.)

Imagine a church filled with upwards of 7,000 people all buying into this. When I talk to people from my old church (First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering, Pastored by John Kenneth Jenkins, senior pastor) it’s as if I’m talking to someone on drugs. The eyes are opened (the lights are on), but there’s no one home.

And the scary part is this group includes Senior Executive folks (a friend of mine is an SES-2 – the civil service equivalent of a Major General [2 stars]). Others are engineers, self-employed businessmen, pharmacists, and the such. But apparently they either don’t believe they have to think as Christians, or, worst case, they aren’t actually saved.

But continue to pray for them and whenever they are open, to talk to them.

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