We have a tendency as human beings to forget that things are temporary and changing all the time. We witness this in our clients and family and friends, but sometimes, as business owners we completely forget that our present situation, whether good or bad, will shift and change simply as a matter of being part of life. As a wise man once said, “This, too, shall pass” – that pretty much sums up the impermanence of life.

For many of us, change can feel frightening– it is unknown– even if it means something better for us. Here’s why it’s important to remember that everything is up for change

Remembering that everything is temporary keeps us focusing on the present. If you’re upset that your marketing for your program is losing money, you can forget that this may be temporary or that you can change strategies. Although you will torture yourself projecting into the unknown future, the future itself is not here- it’s not in existence until it becomes the “now”. The only power you have is to focus on what is happening now, even as you may be planning for what may be coming down the road.

The ever changing flow of life allows us the opportunity to let go and move with life. Hanging on to programs that don’t excite you because you’re afraid of what you will create in their place will drag you down. If you’ve ever tried to hang on to what is or was, you know what I mean. The “good” and the “bad” will come and go. Let it. More is coming to focus upon.

Shifting situations are also opportunities to let go of labels of what is “good” or “bad”. Our present interpretation of what is good or bad for us can change on a dime when more is revealed. Losing a client may lead to one or two who are more of a match. A loan from a friend may be more complicated than you first thought. Resist the urge to judge what’s going on and this will keep your energy reserves high and able to handle what comes next.

Is it uncomfortable to realize that everything can change on a dime? Well, take comfort because this, too, shall pass…

Think about it:

Are you forgetting that things change? Are you enjoying the impermanence of life versus fighting against it?

Some time ago, we took a family trip to the Barnes Foundation outside of Philadelphia. It showed some of the most important impressionist artists of all time- Picasso, Cezanne, Matisse, Van Gogh. I realized that this could pose a bit of challenge for my 3 children. The 8 year old would be fine, but the 6 and 4 year old. Not so sure.

As I decided to “pre-pave” this excursion where everyone is fine- especially me, and as we were nearing the doors of the building and going over “the rules”- no running, screaming, singing, or touching, I thought “this is kid Hell. How will my little ones have any fun in this place?”

Shortly into the main gallery, my youngest is showing signs of boredom. “Old Rita” would make this scene into one of slow self-torture. I would feel trapped, victimized by this plan. I would start planning my apologies to the strangers who were disturbed by the noise, the crying, and so on. I would get angry at myself for agreeing to this whole trip. “New Rita” decided to stay calm and remember that I can create this the way I want it to be.

Immediately I went into “connection mode” with Higher Self. I began to focus on being present and have compassion for my children and myself.

And something amazing happened. I got an inspired idea. “Let’s play ‘I Spy'”. I told my youngest. We’re surrounded by painting with lots of colors and shapes and objects and people. Perfect for this game. I started “I Spy, with my little eye, something with the color green.” My youngest enthusiastically chimed in “Something green….hmmm..there it is! My turn…”

The whole experience was transformed. He was happy- we found a way for him to experience the art, I could sit with him and actually look at the art, and my husband could explain the art to my girls.

When you get “connected” to your Higher Self, you allow yourself the power of inspiration. You can transform your experience. You can do it differently because you are being different in that experience. You create it from a higher place.

Experiment: You are connected always, but often we cut ourselves off. We pinch the hose of inspiration when we are in an old story or in a negative state. If you are finding yourself in a situation that feels negative to you and you want to experience it in a new way, you want to allow yourself to feel a connection. Just thinking a better feeling thought will help allow you feel the connection. Becoming present aka not jumping ahead, not interpreting your situation, and just seeing it for what it is. Find that peace inside. Close your eyes, if you can, and take some deep slow breaths in and out. Ask for help internally or say to yourself “I know there’s an easier way here for me. Please show it.” Then, look for it. Not with desperation, but with confidence that it will itself.

Whether you believe it or not, life is constantly in the state of change. Nothing lasts forever in the physical world. It is all temporary here in the physical.

So, change is really natural, if not, necessary for life to happen.

It may feel scary or bad or unwelcome, but it really is all good.

The problem may be your relationship with change. How you feel about it? If you’d like to be able to handle change with more grace and peace, you gotta start making it your friend.

Experiment: Take a change that is happening in your life and take a moment to see how you feel about it. Does it excite you or frighten you? Write down your feelings about it. Then sit and close your eyes and put your hand over your heart. How are you feeling? How does your body feel? Breathe through your nose into your lungs and feel your body fill up with the air. Exhale through your mouth making a whooshing sound- like the ocean. Keep breathing in and out and let your body relax. Feel the space where your hand is over your heart. Allow yourself to feel your Higher Self in your heart. Allow that feeling in your heart to travel your entire body. When you feel your Higher Self present, bring in this change. What’s your relationship now with that change? As feelings and thoughts emerge, write them down if you like. Then return back to eyes closed and hand on heart. Ask your Higher Self to see this change from his/her point of view. Listen for feelings and thoughts. Write down anything that comes up. End by giving gratitude for the wisdom and clarity that arrives.

Recently I created a workshop series that I was really happy about.. It had all the right elements for a particular target audience and I was excited for people to join the workshop so they too could learn what I know and apply it to their lives. I put it “out there” and waited for the enrollments to roll in. They didn’t. No bites, day after day and week after week.

No one was interested.

This has happened before and I always blamed it on price, so I offered it for “pay what you want” and …silence. Nothing. Nada.

This is a bit of a nightmare scenario for business owners- especially ones who are new to the game, because it plays into the story that no one wants your service. It is the belief that what we have to offer is of no worth to the world and therefore, you are no worth to the world.

Sigh.

You can keep going down that “woe is me” road and I encourage you to do so. It’s a dark place to explore and here’s how to do it: First, look that belief squarely in the face, and spell out all the fears, insecurities and sadness that it brings up, emptying all of it out onto the floor. Then, love the one who believes it and holds on to it (that’s you). Love yourself for feeling scared and insecure, love yourself for not knowing what to do next and for feeling angry. Keep loving yourself. If you stop, you’ll never get past it. It will always be in the background, driving you in an unhealthy way because it is about fear of being exposed as unworthy.

I used the silence around my offering as a teachable moment. Here’s what it taught me:

Silence is not rejection. I can only guess why people didn’t respond to my offering. Any sense of rejection I feel is totally about my beliefs about me and not about the motivations of others.

This is a signal to go within. Any reactions/feelings on my part are asking to be looked at. Am I sad? Frightened? Angry? Depressed? Give compassion to those parts who feel that way.

Here’s an opportunity to rethink my marketing approach. I’m not marketing expert but I know people who are. When things crash, it could be time to ask for help instead of taking on the whole burden myself.

Think about it:

How we react to what happens is what makes or breaks your business.Are you paralyzed with fear when things go wrong? Are you stuck when hitting a wall? Use it as an opportunity to tend to parts of yourself that you tend to neglect and grow from it.

So many of the “big deals” of our lives turn out to be not such big deals after a few years. Or even after a year or few months. Look back on your life and take stock on what you worried about or what kept you awake at night or how terrible you felt about something. Is it still a big deal? Does it still keep you up at night? Does it still feel terrible?

There are many times I can think of where I can’t believe I spent the energy and agony on people and situations that then seemed so important and now seem like blip on the screen. Some of them I totally forgot about.

There are important people and times and situations in our lives, no doubt. That’s what makes life so interesting. You might want to step back and see if this time is one of those times or if, perhaps, it’s not the big deal you making it out to be.

Here’s some things to consider regarding “big deals”.
1) If you are getting whipped up into a frenzy about something, it’s time to step back and breathe. Yes, just take a few deep breathes in and let them out your mouth. For me, a helpful vision is that I’m inhaling all the wisdom and learning from the situation and then exhaling all the frustration, confusion, stress (or whatever the predominant negative stuff that’s involved). Just this step will help a lot!

2) Ask yourself: Is this a situation that I can change? Perhaps the change needs to happen internally first. Can I take a different perspective on this? Is this something that will matter a month from now? A year from now? 5 years from now?

If it’s not something that you can change, allow yourself to surrender to what is for now. This is an opportunity to trust that you will be OK no matter what is happening now or in the future. Perhaps you will see a way to make change, if that is necessary, at another point.

If you think that this situation won’t be that big a deal in some time, see if you can find some relief in that fact right now.

If you are not happy with you present life, I bet you that your life is so much better than you perceive it right now. I guarantee that you are overlooking some really cool stuff because you are focusing on what’s “going wrong” or “not happening.”

How do I know this? I spot it because I got it. So many times that I have found myself in a dark place or in a rut or just feeling like life was not treating me the way I thought it should, I realized that my life, the way it is right now (and before), was pretty darn good.

Just having shelter, clean water, and food puts me in a category of the population who have it made compared to most of the world. Not having to worry about being attacked, bombed, or wounded in cross-fire, makes me appreciate the safety and security that I have. Having friends and family who care, good health, and happy children are invaluable parts of my life that I treasure- when I’m not focusing on the stuff that’s lacking.

Experiment: List all the good stuff. From fresh air to having transportation, from clean water to a smiling child. List it all and know that there’s still more. Focus on the good stuff you already have and you will not only feel so full, you will only let it the good stuff that is yet to come.

So many of my clients are dealing with darkness or shadow issues right now. They are observing the dark parts of themselves that have been hidden away, repressed, suppressed and denied. These parts are emerging to create resolution. We’re seeing it in the world as well. Public figures who have not resolved their shadow issues are seeing them exposed. The public is shocked, enraged, depressed by the revelations. Believe it or not, this is all great news.

Hear me out, exposing the shadow or darkness is not pretty nor fun. It can be really painful for all involved and you can’t unsee what has been seen. Having said all that, there is no shortcut to bringing more light into the world other than allowing the darkness to emerge, be seen, and be exposed to our light. In that process,, we build our light muscles. We practice the process of watching parts of ourselves; the parts that are afraid, judgemental, jealous, enraged, depressed, defeated, manipulative, fake, hoarding, insincere, corrupted- emerge to be seen. Once seen completely, without judgement and with compassion, there’s an alchemy that happens. These parts integrate with us. They become allies. They create more compassion within us and for others. They are essential for us to shine our light more brightly.

When I first started creating my business I had some dark issues around making money offering spiritual services. It was not obvious – it was definitely something lurking in the shadows. I couldn’t name it because I was afraid of looking at it. The more I ignored it, the worse it got. It was a big saboteur in my business. It had to get to a point where I was sick of it. Completely sick and tired of running up against this unnamed thing that was stopping me. It’s been a long journey and it’s not over, but the more compassionately I look at this part of myself, the more light I bring in. I don’t see this part as a naughty child that sits in the corner, but as a consultant (paid consultant) who tells me what’s going on inside me. I hear all the stories of shame or hypocrisy or violation that the scared part of me feels if she charges for such sacred work. I hear her fears, I see the legacy of this belief in my family and society. I hear about what could happen if I do charge for my gifts. It’s been a rich (pun intended) process. I feel more balanced in my approach and have tried different models of exchange; straight fees, gifting, bartering, sliding scale, pay what you want. Each one has had unique challenges and rewards. Each discovery is an exercise is bringing more light into the world and into my life.

Think about it:

Can you welcome in the parts of yourself that may lurk in the darkness? Can you shine light on parts that you have avoided, dismissed, or banished?

Most of us can list stuff that we want in life. Happy relationships, money, meaningful work, good health and so on. But, why do we want it?

What is the result of having all these things? Happiness? Security? Freedom? Confidence?

Take some time to sit with why you want what you want. See what emerges from that contemplation.

How do you want to feel as a result of bringing these people and things into your life?

The answer to that question is the key to you having it right now. Focus on feeling the way you want to feel right now. Don’t wait around for the stuff to come your way. Why wait? Don’t you want to feel this way right now?

Here’s a secret: If you can feel the feelings you want to have as a result of the stuff you want to get right now, those things (and more good stuff) has to come your way. The great thing is, you won’t need them to happen anymore. You’ll be feeling so good and having such a great time, you’ll turn around and say “Hey, that’s the stuff I wanted. Here it is. Look at that.”

A few months ago I was about to begin teaching my weekly online class and the new video conferencing platform I was using was not loading as it usually does. The class was starting in a few minutes and nothing I did made made the video conference work. Panic! This is what I feared most; using technology and having it not work at the most inconvenient time. What was I to do?

We all hold fears – that’s part of being human. However, if we don’tface these fears in some way, they become so strong that they start to manifest physically in the world. Fear is energy of resistance to something. What we resist, persists. The more we resist (or fear it), the more energy we give it and we end up creating the exact situation that we fear most.

This situation forced me to admit that my fear of technology was creating more trouble for me than I wanted. I had to let go of my anxieties, unless I wanted to create more problems for myself and my business. This snafu also allowed me to face that I had fear around admitting to others that I fumble with technology- a blow to the idea that as a coach, I have it all together (ha!).

Luckily, after I explained to a person in the class what was going on, she helped walk me through another way in and I got everyone to join me on another video conferencing site. Having this technology blunder helped me to face what I feared and come up with solutions that were not based in fear. In the end, I was grateful- I got to experience the “nightmare situation” and survive, understand more of what I had been hiding from myself, and stay curious about how to move through sticky situations without shame.

I know you have some fears about business. We all do. How are they holding you back? What can you do to face them and free up the energy that keeps you stuck in fear?

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Power & Potential

“You’ve helped me to believe in myself- to access my power and potential that I’ve always known was there but because of my fears, I couldn’t consistently access it. Now, I’m doing something that I will stick with and I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

-Carolyn S.

What Artists are Saying

“Rita….I simply can never thank you enough for giving me “me” back, its opened me up to a whole new world and I an very grateful for the experience and having the good fortune to know you and work with you….a huge giant thanks….

I am so much more enriched and see it with family. I can be such a big procrastinator, you have definitely enabled me to make leaps with my life…I love being around you and our group..I’m always inspired and approach everything I do from a different angle and pass this onto others when I am able.”

-Vanessa M. – mother of 2, artist

What entrepreneurs are saying

“Just wanted you to know how much I really appreciate everything that you’ve made possible. I find my life now to be in stark contrast to my “previous life”. So much comes easier, my health, fitness and relationships with my kids, husband and meaningful friendships. Once I changed what I felt about my life, I was able to appreciate everything more and make good things happen more effortlessly. I am proud of everything that is happening, and it feels all very magical to me. I have managed to make myself a priority.