Does anyone read movie novelizations any longer? Before the Internet, before DVD and all the myriad other ways we consume movie stories, film novelizations were the quickest way to take a film home. Many featured extended characterizations and new scenes and concepts, some drawn from the original screenplays, some invented by the authors. At 10 years old, I loved the Poltergeist novelization as it featured scenes with Carole Anne wandering around in the realm of the Beast.

Here, Funny or Die both honors and (mostly) skewers the movie novelization in The Novelizationalist. The short film features Brian Cox as an author who specializes in the unique alchemy that joins film and the printed page. The novelizations for Raiders of the Lost Ark and E.T., written by Cox’s character, capture each film’s magic with shocking clarity.

OK, maybe these books don’t actually capture anything other than ego-centrism and stupidity.

That’s why they’re great. (The novelizations here aren’t to be confused with real-life ones for Raiders, by Campbell Black, and E.T., by William Kotzwinkle. In fact, Kotzwinkle later wrote E.T.: The Book of the Green Planet, which is a semi-official sequel to the film.)

brian cox movie novelizations

It’s a good gag, especially when the guy’s hyper-limited understanding of movies is revealed.