Q: My 9-year-old son plays in a youth baseball league. He and I are getting upset because he is not getting a lot of playing time. I want to talk to the coach and help my son feel better about playing. How can I handle this?

A: First check the rules of the league the Help for Failies panel says. Official programs such as Little League often require each player to have a certain amount of playing time per game. However not all leagues have such rules. If there are rules, check to see if your son is getting the minimum amount of playing time.

"What is upsetting you?" asks panelist Michael Daniels. "Are you upset because your son is not playing or because he is upset?"

He says often in youth sports, certain players get the most playing time.

"It's a delicate balance," Daniels says. "All youth leagues are political and for some, it's cutthroat from age 7 on up."

If there was a parents meeting at the beginning of the season, the rules may have been discussed. You could join the team parents group and connect with other parents to find out if there are concerns about the same kids getting to play all the time.

"Every child needs to play at age 9," Daniels says.

However resist the temptation to immediately intervene with the coach, the panel says.

"It may be difficult for you to sit at games and watch your child not play," says panelist Denise Continenza. "Teach your son to advocate for himself."

This can be a teachable moment about how to handle emotion, Continenza says.

"Tell him it's OK to feel bad, but not to badmouth his coach," she says. "As a parent make sure you model that same positive behavior."

Try to find the middle ground, suggests panelist Bill Vogler.

"I think it's wrong for parents to run to coach," he says. "It's an important lesson that different people with different styles are often in charge. He's your child's coach."

Vogler suggest during a down time, you could ask what the child needs to do to get more playing time.

"It may motivate your son to work harder and do better," Vogler says.

Talking to the coach may make him more aware that he is dealing with young children.

"Not all coaches are well-versed in child development," says panelist Rochelle Freedman. "It could be a learning experience for him."

Also discuss with your son about being a team player, says panelist Suzanne Mulhearn.

"It's about the team coming together," she says. "It's less about the child and more about the team. Many people don't have team skills. Talk to him about how he can cheer on the team from the bench."

Talk it over with your son and find out what is really bothering him.

"Problem-solve with your son," Mulhearn says. "He also may find the internal motivation to improve his game."

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