Tag Archives: Orlando

Sometimes, in the midst of tragedy, good things can happen. I am extremely happy to report that my daughter Haley has been reunited with her biological brother, Charles! I wrote about Charles last year in my post Extended family, how he was in foster care, along with his sister, with my family many years ago. Charles was removed due to some accusations against him by my ex-wife that now, in hindsight, were almost certainly false. Charles was taken out of my home while I was away on Basic Training with the military in 2006 – he was there when I left and gone when I returned. Haley always missed her older brother, and often expressed a desire to reconnect with him.

This weekend, that re-connection happened! I found Charles’ information online, and contacted his adoptive mother, who was thrilled to hear from me. We set up a meeting that morning! After a tearful reunion and a huge lunch, Charles and Haley spent the day together at Seaworld. It had been 11 years since they’d seen each other. So much had happened in over a decade. But to see brother and sister together again was amazing.

Seth and Aiden, I hope one day you stumble upon this and read it, and realize that what you are going through is not your fault. You were always both good kids, and you are both growing into strong and intelligent young men with good hearts, and I am very proud of you. Your sister Haley misses you both very much, and she hopes very much that she can be reunited with you one day.

As for me, I am broken. I can’t fight anymore. You have both been on my mind and in my heart every single day. While I cherish my memories of you, missing you has been almost unbearable. My grief and longing for my sons has consumed me, every single day. I can’t go on like this anymore. I have to try to put it away and focus on other things. I have to learn how to accept that you are gone, and get back to living my life. My door and my heart will always be open to both of you. Please believe that I don’t blame you for any of this, and I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through. I am also sorry for the mistakes I have made along the way, and I hope you can find peace and healing from the hurts I have caused by failing you.

Remember to be kind and forgiving to each other. The turmoil, strife, and distance between you two is not because of who you are, but because you have been played against each other. Don’t let the fact that you are treated differently drive a wedge between you. You are brothers, and you are both my sons, no matter what. I love you both – yesterday, today, and always.

With love from your father,

Walter Singleton

PS: Should you ever decide to see me, I will be in Orlando, like always, and not hard to find. You can look me up on the Orange County Clerk website, https://myeclerk.myorangeclerk.com/Cases/Search , and find the name of my lawyer, who can put you in contact with me. Also, if you ever find yourselves in trouble, please seek me out. My door will always be open to you, and I will do whatever I can to help you.

This article has really helped me to understand what I’ve been going through, and to see that my emotions are normal for my circumstances.

“The death of a child is indisputably one of the most incredibly horrible tragedies one can imagine. Whether by sudden accidental circumstance, or by a more lengthy cause as in illness, the loss of a child is undeniably painful to experience. Painful to the parents, parents to the family, and painful to anyone related to the child. Never knowing the laughter of that child again or the tears, the joys and the accomplishments is a pain no parent should ever have to endure, and yet it happens. No one might be to blame. It can just happen”. (Tim Line)

Imagine a similar pain and the same sense of loss, with one exception-the parent is very much aware that the child is alive.

The effects of Parental Alienation, Parental Child Abduction and retention are very similar to the loss of a child in some other way…

I wanted to post something a little different today. Most of my posts are about what has happened in the past, or what I hope for in the future. But for this post I just want to take the opportunity to appreciate a small moment that happened yesterday, a moment I wouldn’t have had if I didn’t have custody of my daughter.

Haley went on a school field trip yesterday. It was a long trip up to Georgia with the FFA to an Agricultural Fair. I had to drop her off early in the morning, and she didn’t return until 8PM that night. It was a fairly large group going, with three charter buses taking students from several different schools. When I arrived to pick her up, it was dark. The parking lot was full of cars, some with parents still in them, while other parents had chosen to get out of their cars and stand around the parking lot to wait.

But I’m not your typical parent. When the buses arrived, I got up in the bed of my pickup truck. As soon as the kids got off the bus, I hit the panic alarm. So there I am, horn honking, lights flashing, standing up in the bed of the truck, grinning and waving my arms like a maniac. Needless to say, Haley spotted me immediately. She sprinted to me, laughing like crazy.

That’s the kind of moment that makes me happy to be a father. That’s the kind of moment that helps me keep it together, when all week long I’ve wanted to fall apart.

This was taken from a post by Time to Put Kids First, at http://timetoputkidsfirst.org/ . Although the words are not originally mine, they read directly from my heart.

“I’m not ashamed of the false allegations made against me, or of the threats, the restraining orders, or even the jail time I served because of my ex. In times of darkness when I feel like a failure as a parent because I am not ALLOWED to parent, those things make me remember what a great father I truly am! Though I can’t be with them, I have done, and will continue to do, everything in my power to be a part of their lives. Not everyone could live through so much.”

These words speak to me, because I have been through everything listed here. I was once ashamed of all this. When the false allegations were first made, I was deeply ashamed of them. When a person is accused of something so heinous, it is difficult not to FEEL guilty, even when you’re innocent. I had made my share of parenting mistakes, and when the false accusations came, every one of those mistakes seemed magnified 100x. I condemned myself over and over. I found myself confessing to the smallest infractions to anyone who would listen, trying to rid myself of the guilty feelings. I felt like others believed the accusations as well, and I wanted to hide, to just disappear. I found it difficult to trust anyone, even my closest family and friends.

After that, the guilt of not being able to protect my children from what was happening to them set in. In my mind, a father should be able to protect his children from anything. I felt that it was my responsibility to protect them, no matter what the courts or the cops said. I spent two weeks in jail after trying to see my daughter. It took months of therapy to finally accept that I had to release myself of the burden of protecting my children, because legally I could not. I still don’t know if I have fully accepted that this failure is not my fault. Even though I faced a mountain of lies and legal judgements, with the might of the police force to back them up, I still sometimes ask myself, “What kind of father am I to let some stranger tell me I can’t talk to my children?”.

But I am healing. I am releasing that responsibility. I am accepting that I am a good father, and I deserve to see my children, even though I am being prevented from it. Every day I spend with my daughter proves to me that I am a worthy parent. And I am no longer ashamed. I do not own those lies – my ex does. And I will not hide any longer. The truth is on my side. The courts do not know what is in the best interests of my children, I do. And I will never stop fighting for them, whether they know it or not.

I’d like to reminisce a little bit today. This weekend I was given a picture that was taken a long time ago. It was Seth’s adoption photo. In it are many people my children will recognize. Starting from the left, they would be familiar with their mother’s parents, Cheryl and Romeo Gil, with their Uncle Steven standing behind them. Then comes Seth, being held by me. He was so small! But even at that size, he had a big personality. Their now adopted sister Haley is standing in front of me. Hard to believe she was once that short; she is as tall as I am now! I suspect she will eventually be taller than me.

Next to Haley is her brother Charles, who we were also fostering at the time. I don’t know how much they would remember of Charles, since he was removed from the home when I was away at Basic Training, shortly after this picture was taken. Jenn accused Charles of some pretty awful things. In light of what happened to Haley and me, I have to wonder if any of those things were true. It seems just as likely now that Jenn simply did not like Charles, and wasn’t able to parent him in the controlling manner she preferred. I suspect she made up those horrible things about Charles, so that he would be removed from our home “for the safety of the family”. I’m sure that would sound familiar to Aiden and Seth. I wonder who will be next?

Then we have Jenn holding Aiden. Aiden was so happy to be gaining a brother! I hope he’s just as happy about it now. I’m glad they are still together, at least. Behind Jenn is the judge who granted Seth’s adoption to myself and Jenn. Standing next to Jenn is my mother, who the kids called “Grandma Jane”. She misses Aiden and Seth almost as much as I do. She was thrilled to finally be able to talk to Haley again after so much time, and I know she’ll be just as excited to talk to her grandsons one day. Finally behind Grandma Jane is my Aunt Anna, and her daughter Peggy. Haley was finally able to see them this past weekend.

At one time this family was all together. While we lived in different places, there was nothing stopping any of us from picking up a phone and calling, or making a trip to see another part of the family. At the very least, the children had unfettered access to all of their extended family. I knew that Jenn and I separating was going to be difficult and painful no matter what, my intention was that it be as easy as possible on the children. Our marriage may have been broken, but there was no need for the children to lose so many people who loved them. I know I would have swallowed my pride so that they would still have their entire family. It’s hard to believe that one person could cause so much unnecessary pain. It is my greatest wish that ALL of my children will be able to see ALL of their family again one day.

Seth, Haley, and Aiden with their Uncle Scott. He misses the boys very much as well.

Emotional abuse is an uncomfortable reality, a social taboo. As such, it is the least talked about yet most common form of abuse. It is insidious and subjective in nature….Read more here: Emotional Abuse

Here is a list of some of the behaviors that constitute emotional abuse of children. I hope my boys take a good hard look at this list, and maybe pinpoint some of the treatment that they have experienced, or that they’ve seen their sister subjected to:

– harsh criticism, belittling, labeling
– name-calling
– yelling, screaming or swearing at children
– humiliation or demeaning jokes
– shunning the child from the family (or parts of the family)
– locking kids out of the home to discipline or punish
– denying medical or health care, and safe, clean environments
– unpredictable, unreasonable or extreme reactions
– hostility among family members
– inconsistent or unreasonable demands placed on a child
– ridiculing or humiliating a child in front of others
– threatening to reveal personal or embarrassing information
– leaving a child alone or unattended for long periods of time
– not permitting a child to interact with other children or maintain friendships
– keeping a child from appropriate social and emotional stimulation
– requiring a child stay indoors/in their room or away from peers
– keeping a child from playing with friends and activities s/he enjoys
– not permitting a child to participate in social activities, parties or group/family events
– excessive or extreme punishment for typical childhood behaviors
– encouraging a child to reject friends or social contact/invitations
– encouraging or rewarding unethical or illegal behavior (stealing, cheating, lying, bullying)
– allowing or encouraging children to engage in behavior that is harmful to them or others.
– having expectations beyond the developmental stage of the child
– using blame, shame, judgment or guilt to condemn child for behavior of others
– unreasonable expectations to perform chores or household duties