Even though it's too heavy a meal for night, and too high in fat (Kit Kats are surprisingly very high in fat, as all wafers are), I did skip the EVOO tat I usually put in any of my salads or in anything that includes water-packed sardines. I skipped the EVOO because of the fat in the mozzarella sticks.

Also, at Aldi I bought:

4 mangoes (instead of 6 that I know I'll eat in one sitting). Being kind to, and knowing myself.

1 package cilantro (asked for Divine guidance or what to get for potassium and calcium. I learned yesterday that magnesium (I've been taking 2-4 tabs a day) uses up your body's calcium so you need to supplement.

Usually I drink milk, all the milks, cow's milk, 1%, 2% and full fat didn't have the potassium content listed!! I also looked at coconut (not doing soymilk right now) almond and rice. Nothing had what I needed, not even the unsweetened. So I figured that was Divine guidance leading me to natural food (not bottled milk substituted beverages) sources.

1 package dried (part of my breakfast these days of them and prunes and boy are my innards happy!)

How many mgs of potassium per ¼ cup servings? A whopping 552 mgs.

4 cans sardines. My brain food – for Omega 3 essential fatty acids. And overall many nutrients! I read that one of the reasons sardines are so healthy is that they are one of the few foods you can easily eat the skin and bones of. Lots of nutrients in bones and skin.

End of purchases at Aldi.

PROGRESS

Today is the 4th consecutive day I've passed up a free breakfast in favor of healthier food to fuel some serious goals I have coming up very soon. I got some thangs to do and pancakes aren't gonna help me git 'er done!

BIPOLAR/PTSD CHRONICLES

This is the first time I'm raw blogging with content about my being a person with Bipolar Disorder (BPD) and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

It's important not only because so many struggle and thrive with one or both or more conditions, but because I'm certain now that both, especially the former, played a leading role in my having a leading role in my having fallen the proverbial raw wagon, if you will. (As it were.)

BPD

My severe mood swings were worsened by eating a high amount of sweet and non-sweet fruits without enough greens and grounding foods, such as root (what's more grounding than a root?) vegetables.

I am also now using healthy cooked foods (like brown rice) to further ground myself and help stabilize my moods.

I find brown rice very good for this as well as being soothing to me in general.

PTSD

Knee-jerk very fearful reaction to my body changing – becoming thinner and smaller (reminding me of when I was a child/female/feminine victim being abused).

Knee-jerk very fearful reaction to change of any kind.

But perhaps most intense, present, and significant, is the..

Knee-jerk very fearful reaction to things going well….

Also…

Whenever I lose weight I become more sexually active. This is a concern to me as a survivor who could be acting out repressed sexual abuse memories, as well as bipolar typical behavior when in a manic state.

Basically when I've gone all or high raw, my body's change have been more rapid then I've been able to handle.

Trying this new approach is helping me to slow things down some.

For the first time I'm aware I have much more going on than being a woman who wants to lose weight to reverse her hypertension.

I'm also a woman with BPD and PTSD and as a trauma herstory that need to be addressed.

CHALLENGES (C) & HELPS (H)

C: Worry about the many tasks and upcoming deadlines I have. One major

One in particular. Feeling overwhelmed.

H: Remembering to relax and that I've already visualized and been divinely assured of a very positive outcome. I already see it, I know it, and I feel it. This is wha it looks like on the way to having it. Worry is a natural humyn part of it.

I trust, relax, smile, and breathe. I remain calm and in faith.

C: Squirrelishness. Inner unsettlitude.

H: Writing. Stopping anywhere and anytime to write this blog, knowing it will be transcribed and posted for others to see helps me feel better. But that's nothing compared to how I feel after I've hit send, then see it up and out there. It's a very good and therapeutic feeling. Writing is my medicine and my base. It's a kind of air and water for me. I'm just not well without it.

C: To eat my biggest non-fruit meal of the day much earlier.

EMOTIONAL EATING:

Bulk or volume eating to ease stress and combat feelings of loneliness and fear. When I eat a lot, especially at night, I feel as if I'm not alone. My full belly becomes a safe, second entity, one that is distant enough (by being unhealthy) to feel safe, yet intimate or close enough (by actually being inside me) to feel intimate and loving. I know I need to address the feelings that trigger this behavior, (night emotion – soothing volume eating) while also devising new coping mechanisms for them.

MOODS, ROMANCE & FINANCE

Moods: It's 12pm and all I've had today is fruit, water, bowel movements, positive thoughts, and writing. I feel very calm and that's helped me through a challenge already, this morning.

Right now my mood is calm, but I am alone (with strangers in transit). I do not wish to engage with others. So I am also irritable.

Romance: I feel certain that my next great love or at least very pleasant relationship will come from my writing. I've felt this for over a year and it's happened several times before, so I know it's true. Besides, how could something I so enjoy doing, that is so good for me (and hopefully pleasing to others as well), not provide even more love, joy, and sweet country goodness.

Finance: As I grow in abundance of health, my prosperity shows in other ways. I am reminded of the importance of spending and doing so joyfully. I am keeping my circle of abundance flowing. The life it is good.

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Cassendre Xavier is the author of Expanding Your Capacity for Joy: A Raw Vegan Comfort Book, Sourcebook, and Journal (ARtivist Publications/2009). She has written a monthly column on various topics including raw foods and angel spirituality, at Wisdom Magazine's online edition since 2009. For more information please visithttp://cassendrexavier.com.

[Pictured: Cassendre with a huge bunch of collards, wearing a t-shirt from her former employer and raw vegan training center,Arnold's Way.]