Let’s Get To The Bottom of Rimming

Sex. Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex. We all have it or, at least, have had it and if you haven’t then you’re probably too young to be reading this. BE GONE WITH YOUR INNOCENT SELF. Sex is something I thoroughly enjoy talking about; usually because it’s side-splittingly funny, often because it’s goes horribly wrong and sometimes because it’s, well y’know, girl talk shit. Talking of shit, I think it’s about high time that we had a frank and honest discussion about the elephant in the room and the tongue in the flume. That’s right: Rimming.

It’s nothing new and I’m, regrettably, not going to share a secret that will revolutionise rims jobs 4eva (always open to suggestions) but I do feel as though it’s becoming a bit of a bedroom basic and yet it’s getting way less airtime than its assumed forefather, cunnilingus. Why don’t we discuss rimming as much? Is rimming not sexy? Well, from a purely logical stand-point: no, no it isn’t sexy. A guys opening is all over your ending and there’s simply no denying what happens when your end opens. But, then again, it kinda is sexy. A fella is literally so turned on by your being that he is willing to shove his face and, more specifically, thrust his tongue into your shitter. That’s lust at its most carnal (and, frankly, crazy). Granted, the preparation alone is enough to give you a headache: “Do I just thoroughly scrub or do I douche? Do I eat that mighty steak or shall I stick to cornflakes tonight? There’s no way the steak will be a physical problem unless I’m eating from a dodgy restaurant but booty play makes me feel like I need to be empty 24/7. Jesus, what a pickle. I’ll go for cornflakes. When did I last get waxed? Shall I shave just incase? I wonder how much anal bleaching costs? He must experience some HD-ready shit down there, my arsehole needs to be pristine. What about that article about the girl who accidentally farted in her boyfriends mouth?! They didn’t speak for days afterwards. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS IF I ACCIDENTALLY FART IN HIS MOUTH?” And so it goes on. Admittedly, the act alone isn’t enough for some (i.e. me) – propped on all fours with some cavalier getting carnivorous ‘pon my batty just isn’t my thang. That being said, stick Come Dine With Me on and it sounds like a perfectly pleasant afternoon – but when its incorporated into a ‘session’ then, well, yeah it’s pretty fucking fantastic. So why are we so embarrassed by it? It’s a moot point, this poo point. Speaking to my boyf on the phone and it all becomes so clear – as clear as a freshly bleached arsehole – when he instantly freezes upon hearing the topic of this post:

“‘That sounds a lot like it’s gonna feature me?”
“Yup.”
“Jesus. Can you just, y’know, not make it so pervy? I don’t want people I haven’t seen for five years suddenly hearing about me as the raging ass pervert.”

And there we have it. Poo is the taboo. We might all enjoy a casual rim job now and then (read: all the time) but we’ll be damned if we admit it, because no one wants to be known as a raging ass pervert. I have amassed all the raging ass perversion available (praying SO hard that none of my family members made it this far down), but I can totally understand why we’re yet to conversationally embrace rimming when we’re all sat there assuming our mates are gonna think we’ve got a faeces fetish. I mean, even as I’m typing this I’m pondering ‘Is it really standard procedure to shove your face in someones crack? Being up someones arse metaphorically is bad enough, maybe literally is even worse!’. You know what I say to that? You can’t please all the people all the time. Chuck it in the fuck it bucket, folks. Be at one with your kinks. Don’t wanna discuss them? Sure! But don’t be embarrassed by them (there are, of course, exceptions to this. We’ve all seen 2 Girls 1 Cup).
In the unquestionable words of Queen Bey: “If you like it then you shoulda had a rim on it” or something like that…

Disclaimer

As of Nov 2014: Any items marked with an asterisk have been gifted by a PR or brand, but rest assured: I totes picked 'em out myself and I only ever feature gifted threads if I truly love them. Peace out. ✌️