This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 36

I like this one. It started with the idea that when I was a kid I preferred milk chocolate, but as an adult I prefer dark chocolate. I could have just framed it as a joke about kids being stupid (which they are—a lot of little kids don’t even know how to read!), but I took it a step further and called them assholes. I think that’s funny because liking or not liking a type of chocolate doesn’t make someone an asshole. Plus, it’s funny to think of kids as assholes.

STUPID:

It’s almost February and I’m still writing “WHY GOD WHY???” on all my checks.

See, instead of writing “2011” on them. For any kids reading this (you stupid assholes), checks were an ancient kind of paper currency that took money out of your bank account like a debit card. You had to write the date on them.

This is not a joke either. I’m sure I’ve alienated some new acquaintances with my anxiety-masking surly demeanor. The irony is, I generally like people (and I think people generally like me, even if they don’t know I like them). I’m just not an overly emotive or effusive person. But eventually there comes a moment when it clicks—maybe I finally say or do something especially nice, or maybe the other person just starts to understand me—and it seems they recognize my affection for them. I enjoy that moment.

STUPID:

This is going to be the week I finally do something with my life. I can feel it.

This is a joke about bumper stickers that say “Unless you’re a hemorrhoid, stay off my ass!” A better bumper for people who are following you too closely would be, “I’m so glad you’re not a hemorrhoid!”