A Blackman's Salute To Tobasco Sauce...

I once had my brother in stitches because I had told him that I was thinking about writing a comedy skit whereby Tobasco Sauce, along with the music of Barry White, was part of the fore-play… I know it hurts just to think about such a scenario… but I did so to underscore how much I and my Black brothers love that hot sauce. I read recently that one of the heirs, Paul Mcllehenny, to the Tobasco Sauce fortune had died. You may ask why I chose to write about Mr. Mclleheney; well, I did so because he took the business of selling his delicious sauce to new heights, and, moreover, I am a connoisseur of the poor man’s Grey Poupon… void of the snooty, elitist pretentions. Granted, in Saint Pauls, Saint kitts, where I was born and raised, my grandma grew what we call locally 'bud-peppers' in our yard and I loved to mix the contents of the peppers in with whatever my grandma had cooked... and even now, I say to you that there is seldom anything that I have eaten can compare to eating a piece of grandma's fry fish... rubbed down with pepper and fresh bread from the bakery... it is why, that later, as a student of history, that I could relate to why kings and countries went to war and made a mint off hot peppers, the king among the condiments.

I do not know much about Mr. Mclleheney’s life… but in reading his brief bio… I know that he did a lot to tickle our taste buds and make them think that they have died and gone to meet Jesus. Were you to ask the question do Black folks love Tobasco Sauce, and, yes, such a question like that would be rhetorical, but just for giggles, let me answer it by channeling Kiefer Sutherland, playing the young antagonist Dracul, who asked one of the characters… the latter who had refused to eat noodles in the classic Dracula movie, Lost Boys: can a billion Chinese be wrong… so too, can millions of Black folks be wrong about our culinary love for Tobasco Sauce. I have always thought that were I to dine in Paris, some arrogant French chef would kick me out of his restaurant because I would bring out my Tobasco Sauce, like Ketchup for fries, and liberally pour it over whatever it is was ordered to eat.

When my wife cooks at home, I always have my trusty bottle of Tobasco Sauce at the ready… after all, since she is Jamaican and everything for them, diet-wise, is ‘jerk’ this or ‘jerk’ that… then, she more than anyone can understand the worship of my taste buds to king Tobasco. One of the few meals I cook, if you can call it cooking, is mixing oats, chopped red onions, scallions, Tobasco Sauce, and ground beef in making my version of hamburgers... having those burgers I will venture to say is better than anything I may have in any five-star restaurant. The wife would tease and ask me why the big deal about Tobasco sauce, especially since I told her that grandma grew peppers in our yard - but she does not understand that, yes , it is true grandma grew peppers, but they were not bottled in the sweet figure that is the Tobasco Sauce's bottle. I want to go on a cruise sometime in my life for I am told that cruise ships have all the amenities, but if the Good Lord spares my life to go on that cruise, I will err on the side of caution and take my bottle of Tobasco Sauce.

Speaking of my wife, I am hoping that she gives me a son soon – but do not be surprised if you hear that Verily Prime is being sought by New York’s social workers for dipping his Sapling’s pacifier into Tobasco Sauce - not to be abusive to the boy, but only to introduce him to the rite of 'Tobasco Sauce taste bud passage.' To Mr. Mclleheney’s family… thanks for the pleasure that you have given and will continue to give my taste buds every time I place your Tobasco Sauce on my food and also my condolences… hoping that he is resting in Christ Jesus’ Peace.