Sunday, November 27, 2005

Well the day after I write a post bashing Lovers family, he is an angel face. Karma. For my birthday he got tickets to a show in the city in Dec when Mom will be here to stay with the kids. Something we rarely if ever do. Great initiation on his part. THen it turns out he aranged awhile ago to have some friends of ours surprise me and meet us for dinner!! We had a great time.

Prior to Alex's birthday I told him that on that Tuesday we would take him to dinner where ever he wanted to go. He said, "San Francisco." I was thinking more along the lines of Applebees here in our town. He has talked often about SF since I took him up there for a consult with my friends. He is fascinated with all the forms of mass transit all the sights. Sights he loved:driving by MOnster park, home of 49ers.driving by SBC Park, home of Giants (our boy is quite the sports fan)Bay Bridgeall the varieties of mass transit BART, electric buses, MUNI, horse drawn carriage, boatswe wnet to Pier 39 and walked around before our lunchat the RainForest Cafe. VERY cool place. I think I liked it as muh as the kids. I asked A later-"What did you like best about the Rain Forest Cafe?""The rainbow slurpee" Tough to beat thatAfter lunch we went looking for the cable car.A had been requesting tht for a couple of weeks. We rode from Peir 39 to Market (?).We saw the tree up in Union square and the big wreath on MAcys. A even got to ring the cable car bell!!Cable car a hit for all us. Drove home past Golden Gate with settign sun and down the coast near the sunset with a beautiful sunset. Gorgeous clear day.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Well really the late night/early morning after. I am awake and still writing, my 4th post or so.

Holidays with us are a strange mixture of family. It has gotten progressively smaller over the years as family members from Lover's side have passed on. This year it was Lover, myself, Ki (age4) A (newly age 7), my mother, Lover's Dad "The General" and Lover's brother, Felix, Aunt M. All live locally except Mother who is here visiting almost monthly. Let me introduce the characters.Ki-excited loves to cook, easily entertained and entertaining.A-difficult to strip form the TV. Occasionally tearing through various rooms spin dancing and/or vocalizing loudly. Learning differences and behavior challenges increasing of late.Lover-so pleased to have his brother, Dad, wife and Kids together. Knows I don't like his Dad a whole lot, but unaware (or choosing not to be aware) that I really don't enjoy these holiday gatherings much.Mother-losing the battle to Alzheimers/dementia. Repeating yet again the question "what time is dinner?" as she pours another glass of wine.The General-named by me and the name has stuck. Not b/c he was ever in the military but b/c he barks out orders and expects the rest of the world to jump into action. Historically what his family has done. This sexist, racist, egocentric, narrow minded man has been the patriarch for a couple generations. Appropriately, he has never seemingly been bothered by this nick name b/c I think he revels in it, missing the whole point, but supplying ample view of his character. I try to avoid conversation should he dive onto one of his soap boxes about his thoughts on the way the world should be (see above themes).Felix, named by me b/c he is a bit fastidious and neat. Something one is not who has small children. He rarely talks or spontaneously greets people. I mean he rarely talks to me, and I have known him about 15 years. He is incredibly socially impaired (a likely link to A and Ki's social deficits, but I digress). So, not to exciting to have around. For the most part he and the General park themselves infront of the TV and watch football until called to the table for dinner.Aunt M-Lives alone at 94 years old! A bit deaf but sharp as a tac! We just don't have a lot in common. She is the sister of The General's mother, so a great aunt to kurt and great great aunt to the kids. My God that is old.Me- A bit pissy. 42 tomorrow. Not always pissy, just a bit on holidays. It's just not a lot fun. I realize I need to do something to change that. I cooked my ass off today. My choice. I didn't want to buy pre-made food-to his credit The General offered to buy from Safeway. But you can't do that on Thanksgiving! But I then end up saying one or two sentences during the whole meal while The General dominates the conversation (as always) with hunting stories/topics or talks about himself. He sits on his ass the entire time NEVER lifting a finger, and Felix hardly does either. I mean not even taking his plate to the sink.Today I made (and I just have to list this here to be a bit pissy):cornbread from a mix-with Kicranberry relish-with A and Ki (a tradition)pumpkin pie-made by Lover and Ki, an activity she was looking forward to, I supervisedtortilla soup-for lunch with above cast of charactersstuffing-with the cornbread from earlierturkey-Lover did most, but I carvedgravymashed potatoesglazed carrotsstock (from the leftover turkey carcass) for soupALL FROM SCRATCHKurt did help out a bunch, as did Mom.I have feel a bit sad that the holidays are not filled more with a feeling of love and laughter than tolerance and compromise on my part. I miss the days of me, Mom, and various other friends (T.L., Andre quite often). More laughter and joy then. I would have loved to have spent time with some other friends today, or had others over here. But I never want to put others thru spending time with this socially awkward crowd. I guess if I warn them and put The General at the other end of the table-perhaps that would be okay.I think the reality is that I need to not spend all day cooking and find some activities to do with kids and Mom and feel thankful for having them here.

In hind sight I am feeling a bit like an ungrateful bitch here. The General and Felix brought me a nice birthday gift of a J Jill gift certificate and another surprise still in the mail (I think the wool clogs in LL Bean I told Lover about). Aunt M gave me $50 for my bday-and Lover and I another $50 for Thanksgiving and A $50 for his bday!BUT, in my defense this does represent thoughts from a number of holidays.Piss piss. Ki awake awhile ago and is asleep beside me on the couch. She woke up crying (as usual) and said, "Where is the pumpkin pie!?"Funny really in that all she eats is the whip cream on top.It is now 3:15 am. I should go to sleep. It felt good to download all this from my head.

Yep. Ki is just 4, nearly 5 and she has just recently been kissed by a boy for the first time. He's older, by 2 years. He is the oldest B's blended family of 4 boys.Ki made a card for Andy a few weeks ago. She makes them often for people, but it is true that to be chosen as a recipient means you have been dwelling in her mind at some level. He received it with the enthusiasm expected of a 6 year old boy. But I guess it did make it up onto his bulletin board.Two weeks later he awakened B and her partner with sounds of busyness from the front room. He later called out, "How do you spell Ki". He had made for her the most beautiful and time intensive card ever. It involved cutting, taping tons of rainbow coloring and says "Ki, I like you. From, Andy." He proudly presented it to her and she was excited to have had someone made something for her. Later that day when we were leaving A and Ki loaded into the car and the van door was still open. I turned around just in time to see this otherwise not overly affectionate boy climb into my van, kiss Ki on the cheek and wordlessly leave again.It seems neither of them are really too aware of this first kiss. But I saw it. And now it has been recorded.

Today it's my birthday...da da da da da da.I couldn't sleep and finally got out of bed. 1:30 am. So it is my birthday just by 1 1/2 hours. I went to sleep with Lover (husband) and it must have been around the usual mudnight hour whenI was hailed into bed by Ki (WAAAA MAMA!!). I keep waking up coughing. I just got ideas for X-mas gifts for my special Mama friends and I am quite excited. Something creative-fun for me- and something I know they will like and appreciate. Fun to think of that stuff and that I may actually find the time to do it.It is raining. Great smell and sound. Hasn't rained in ages. Seems like a cleansing of sorts for a new year for me. I am 42 today. Not sure what I think about that. I do wish I didn't look like the over-weight, middle-aged, mini driving Mom I seem to look and feel like. But I know a lot of that has to do with how I feel and that energy will be felt by others.Lover has surprised me by making dinner reservations for us tonight. I don't know where we are going. I can't rememeber the last time he did that. Very sweet! Other times it as been, where do you want to go? S. called the other day and asked to take me out for breakfast today-so I a looking forward to feeling celebrated. Mom will be home with the kids.

About Me

I am a Speech-Language Pathologist (Speech Therapist) with over 25 years of experience. I specialize in evaluating and treating feeding difficulties. Feeding evaluations, and many therapy sessions, are done in collaboration with the Occupational Therapist at Sage Therapy. Izzy, a golden retriever, is a specially trained therapy dog who rounds out our team.