Saturday, December 11, 2004

........
Philip loved Darrell like a brother, always. They accomplished things together that most wouldn't even dare to dream. None of us can know what it's like to be riding such a big machine, it changes the face of music and brings joy millions of people's lives around the globe. The rewards are big, but the stress is unimaginable if things don't go perfectly. Yes Pantera broke up and there was a lot of shit talking through the media.
.......
Of all the time I've spent with Rex and Philip, I never badgered them about Pantera, but the subject did come up every once in a while. As for Rex, he would refer to the state of things simply as "silly nonsense". All I ever got out of Philip was something like "nyaaaa... I just don't feel like sitting down and writing Pantera riffs right now."... and that's it! No crazy accusations, name calling, or carrying on. As a matter of fact, in the middle of all the heat, Philip described Vinnie as "the perfect drummer" and that Vinnie could drum more perfect than a drum machine if he so chose. What he said of Dime, he also repeated tonight. "The best of the best".

It's sad that the media would irritate the situation so much. Countless times, Kate and I would listen in on Phil doing interviews. Always, always, always, the jackals wanted Pantera dirt. Sometimes Philip would give it to them, sometimes he would not. However every single time I was there, he expressed his love for, and wished luck to Vinnie and Dime but that was somehow left out of the final print more times than not. I was at Philip's house a few weeks ago and I informed him that I handle the Official Pantera site now, and he asked me if I talked to Dime. I said "No, when was the last time YOU talked to him?" with a sigh, he said "three years". Not a "fuckin right 3 years" not a "yeah three years and it's gonna be three more"... but the dude was genuinely disappointed about the situation. I could tell... the time to patch things up was drawing near.

There's more I want to share, but it's almost 5AM right now, and I just managed to hold myself together long enough to get that out.

Philip isn't hiding out or waiting for the right moment to speak, he's in Texas right now searching for answers to this tragedy the best he can. There was one thing he asked of me, that I humbly bring to you all:

Darrell my brother. The best of the best.
-Philip H Anselmo

The pain of a friend's loss. The pain of regret. The sorrow of living on.

Or, as Jethro Tull put it, "Too old to rock and roll, too young to die"

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