08 November 2013

I Need Feminism

I'm not a feminist because I
think it's fun. I'm not a feminist because I'm gay, or because I like to stir
up trouble. I'm a feminist because I feel unequal and marginalized in the vast
majority of experiences and day to day life of being a woman in the Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I feel unequal when there are
more a lot more men’s voices in religious texts, meetings, leadership
positions, and decision making bodies.

I feel unequal when callings
that don’t require the priesthood are given only to men: Sunday School
Presidency, BYU, BYU-I and BYU-Hawaii Presidents, Church Education
Commissioners, Ward Mission Leaders, recommend takers at the Temple, etc.
(Similarly, men are not currently called in Primary Presidencies and should
be.)

I feel unequal when women
doing the same job are called by different titles (i.e. "the
missionaries" vs. "the sister missionaries", Sister vs.
President) and/or are accessories to rather than serving equally with their
husbands, i.e. Mission President’s wives.

I feel unequal when I have a
calling as an auxiliary leader and have to get approval of every decision by
men and/or when I am not invited to attend Priesthood Executive Committee meetings
(PEC) which directly influence my stewardships.

I feel unequal when my value
is primarily linked to being a wife and mother rather than by being a child and
daughter of God.

I feel unequal when the men
in my life acknowledge that they have no female spiritual leaders in their
wards or communities.

I feel unequal when women
have less prominent, prestigious, and public roles in the church, even before
and after child rearing years.

I feel unequal because even
one of the most inherently female-dominated time periods, having a new baby, is
publicly displayed at church in an all male ritual of the baby blessing.

I feel unequal when males
handle 100% of the church finances.

I feel unequal when I am
taught at church that my husband presides in my family, he is the head, and all
things being equal, he still has the final say.

I feel unequal when people
preach that men and women are completely equal and in the same breath say the
above sentence.

I feel unequal when I realize
that at church all men have the final say. Good leaders might consult with
female auxiliary leaders, but ultimately even after being called to a position
via inspiration, men still make the final decisions.

I feel unequal when cub
scouts and boy scouts have a larger budget than achievement days and Young
Women's and thus, they often have better activities.

I feel unequal when the Young
Women and Young Men’s programs have such different manuals, budgets,
activities, etc.

I feel unequal when fathers
and mothers are encouraged to fulfill primary roles to provide and nurture, but
only the fathers are given the freedom to seek out the best way for them to
provide, whereas, mothers are told the best way for them to nurture—to be stay
at home moms.

I feel unequal when men teach
me that being a stay at home mother is the most important thing a person could
do, and yet most of them do not do it.

I feel unequal when people do
not emphasize fatherhood as much as they do motherhood and when we have
numerous annual lessons on the priesthood and I’m not taught anything about the
woman’s role as a priestess.

I feel unequal in primary
when most of the lessons and songs are about men although most of the teachers
and leaders are women.

I feel unequal because church
disciplinary courts are made up of solely men and there are no female voices in
the very sensitive matters of church discipline.

I feel unequal when women
have to talk to men about their sins, especially sexual ones, and have no other
church sanctioned options.

I feel unequal because most
men, even inspired ones, can’t fully understand or provide enough resources for
sexual abuse.

I feel unequal when young
girls are taught about modesty and chastity from older men, especially because
females make decisions about these things for very different reasons than
males.

I feel unequal because many
of the official church declarations and proclamations have no female input,
regardless of how drastically they affect women.

I feel unequal when there are
no checks and balances for females who experience abuse in the system. While
abuse may be rare, it is terrifying that women have no resources to go to
outside of the male hierarchy.

I feel unequal because the
Relief Society’s autonomy was taken away and it became an auxiliary presided
over by men.

I feel unequal when women’s
financial autonomy isn't encouraged as much as men’s at church and/or church
schools.

I feel unequal because men
conduct, men preach, men speak. Men teach us how to be women.

I feel unequal because local
leaders rarely use gender inclusive language even though church manuals and
General Conference talks try to do so.

I feel unequal when men speak
at Relief Society and Young Women’s meetings, but women never speak in
priesthood meetings.

I feel unequal when there are
very few women’s voices in our official correlated church manuals.

I feel unequal when women
don’t pray (until April 2013) in General Conference and usually only give 2 or
3 of the many talks.

I feel unequal because men
and women can be sealed to different numbers of people.

I feel unequal in the temple
because women a have different script and role.

I feel unequal when female
employees of the Church Educational System and temple ordinance workers are no
longer allowed to keep their positions after they have children.

I feel unequal because we
know very little about Heavenly Mother and her role in the Godhead and there
doesn't seem to be any emphasis on the part of our leaders to pray and find out
more about Her. I don’t know what my divine potential means as a female and
that makes me feel less important.

I feel unequal because all of
these concerns are mediated by male leaders and that they are only as important
as these men deem them so. While most of our leaders are wonderful, there is
very little in the structure or doctrine to prevent male leaders from misogyny
or benevolent sexism.

I feel unequal when these
gender inequalities are not acknowledged by leaders. It is difficult to be a
female in a patriarchal church and we are trying our best to make it work.
Acknowledgement of that difficulty would go a long way.

I'm a feminist because it
emulates how Christ treated women. Christ refused to condemn the woman caught
in adultry, and reminded us that we all are guilty of sin. Christ prefered Mary
sitting at His feet listening and learning, rather than in the kitchen, slaving
away with Martha. Christ treasured the widow's mite over the rich man's showy
gift. Christ took time to engage with the woman at the well rather than shunning
her. Christ first appeared to Mary Magdeline after His resurrection, rather
than to His disciples.

Feminism looks like valuing
women's opinions and perspectives, rather than passing them over for a man's
opinion. It looks like valuing women who work outside the home, just as much as
women who choose to be stay at home moms. Feminism looks like loving women, and
accepting women as respected equals.