Journalist

Going underground ... or not, as many of Melbourne's subterranean public loos have been sealed off. Photo: Penny Stephens

There was joy (and not a little relief) in the air that day when, at the Remand Centre end of the Spencer Street tramline, Yarra Trams installed a portable loo.

It sat oddly inside the guard rail where the passengers boarded and alighted, and only disappeared recently when the stop was taken out of service. It was a rare concession to nature's call by the public transport people who, over the past decade, have shut down toilets at many Melbourne railway stations.

Bravo tram people, cheered commuters – because, let's face it, the times when you want to spend a penny do not always fit neatly in to your daily peregrinations. However the commuter joy was premature, the Spencer Street tram loo proved to be a cruel mirage. Passengers who tried to avail themselves of its services found a chain and a padlock – this loo was not for their use. The only keys were held by the tram drivers, who are apparently deemed not as heroically self-controlled as the cross-legged passengers.

Now wander over to Errol Street, North Melbourne, where once there were two underground lavatories – male and female – accessed by steps fringed with a fence of green wrought iron, a glorious example of the care with which public authorities used to cater for the needs of their citizens. The fences and gates are still there – but all the swollen-bladdered pedestrian finds inside is a slab of concrete. The lavatories have been sealed off from the world above like the tomb of Tutankhamun (one hopes the toilet cleaners got out in time).

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The sign on the gates to the Tutankhamun toilets offers little comfort to the alimentarily challenged – it advises any handicapped patrons that their nearest public conveniences are to be found at the North Melbourne town hall up the other end of Errol Street. That is 210 metres away and even so, the sign advises, they are shut after 5pm weekdays and shut all day Saturday, Sunday and public holidays. The handicapped must time their bodily functions carefully in North Melbourne.

And what of the able-bodied citizen? The sign advises that the "nearest 24-hour toilet is located at corner of Lonsdale and King Street", which is 1.1 kilometres away. Try covering that distance by foot after a hot green curry.

What is this apparent trend towards lavatorial reduction in Melbourne, a city whose sewerage system was so bad in the late-1800s that smug Sydney-siders dubbed us "Smellbourne"? One is certainly entitled to ask the question, in light of the plans announced for the super Southland railway station for which workmen start digging next year. Despite costing $21 million, the station will be toilet-free. Expensive closed-circuit TV but no loos – cosy accommodation for the Protective Services Officers, who undoubtedly will have their own privy, but there will be none for the passengers.

Transport Minister Terry Mulder predicted that 4400 passengers a day would troop through the new station, making it the fourth-busiest on the Frankston line. That is roughly 1.6 million passengers a year who are expected to curb their intestinal machinery until they depart the premises. "Passengers can use toilet facilities at the shopping centre," the minister said breezily. Easy for him to say. You can bet there is not a sign at the parliamentary dining room directing MPs to the toilets at the pub across Spring Street.

Out in Coburg 73-year-old resident Michael Cursio this year gathered 1000 signatures on a petition to reopen some of the public lavatories in Sydney Road that had been closed by Moreland council. "You go to the shops and you can't go the the toilet," lamented Mr Cursio. As in the CBD, Moreland council has opted instead for those unisex super-loos that look like silver spaceships and soothe the user with lollipop music but cater for only one patron at a time and – alarmingly – have a time limit that sees the door slide open automatically when that time expires. Council bought one of those two years ago. It cost $175,000 but, due to heated disputed about its most suitable location, it is still in storage at additional cost of $11,000 a year. Lesson: providing convenience can be financially inconvenient.

Ask Melbourne City Council about public loos and you discover a startling fact. "There is no statutory requirement for council to provide public toilets (except for some of its own facilities)," says the MCC's Public Toilet Plan (yes, there is one). That does seem extraordinary, but the council does generously concede that flushing porcelain does "improve local amenity and support social activities within the municipality". The council dream is eventually to have a public loo within 250 metres of any point in the CBD.

This is despite another startling fact that emerged from a council survey. Of all citizens who responded, only 90 per cent believed it important that the council provides any public toilets at all. Makes you wonder what the other 10 per cent are doing? And where.

Lawrence Money is a senior writer at The Age.

77 comments so far

Good article on a core obligation of councils and State Governments whom were constituted to supply these toilets as an essential service and without power to do so, have closed most of them. The huge increase in urinary wards mostly damages caused by many people holding urine in for too long is very costly and related. A magistrate fine for urinating can be $500 because authorities closed the toilet you could have used. They deliberately build new stations etc without loo's, saying stuff the people we are not here to help them. It deliberately loaded service stations so they got annoyed and closed all theirs so most suburbs have no toilets at all. Even those automated ones are closed at night, no hope for our homeless. So, why can't we force govt and council to reopen all loos including rail ones and created jobs for cleaners to travel and clean them, they wont, as they don't care unless to buy votes, so a nice time to hit them for it right?

Commenter

Brian Woods

Location

Glenroy

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 4:59AM

Brian, I think the whole point is that Councils won't pay for the cleaners and figure we can always use the burger chains. It's a disgrace.

Commenter

Catherine

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 7:03AM

@Catherine. So true Catherine. And department stores as well. Some stations have their locked toilets open for the short peak hour period and closed for the rest of the day. Forcing people to look for the burger outlets or a shopping centre if there is one nearby. One wonders about school holidays and the plight of families with small children going into the city. Removing toilets, and the lack of them overall, reduces the comfort (can't use a better word) of our city. It's really short-sighted planning and short-sighted thinking on the part of local government.

Commenter

Pluto

Location

Melbourne

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 7:57AM

Its a disgrace on the train lines, they are all locked these days. The reason being the government allows profits before service

Commenter

keshi

Location

Latrobe Marginal electorate

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 8:10AM

"Passengers can use toilet facilities at the shopping centre," the minister said breezily....which is why he and some of colleagues could get booted out in November. They just don't care about the public, small business etc. Unless its a big headline grabbing event to make them look good they are not interested.

Commenter

dexxter

Location

melbourne

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 9:40AM

have we not looked at the deeper reason for the toilets to be secured? junkies misusing them for injecting and dealing rooms. Our culture of giving criminals a hug and telling them its a Cultural Misunderstanding has made our train stations and public toilets unsafe.

We can't have it both ways - either remove the criminals, or remove the toilets.

Commenter

frank

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 10:21AM

I have had to stop my morning walk with the dog because Hobsons Bay Council has closed so many toilets along the Williamstown Beach and Peninsula area. I've complained to councillors to no avail. Its all about money they can save (and fines they could raise!!) They don't seem to realise that when they close a toilet even if temporarily they ought to provide a portable temporary toilet. It is dangerous and totally humiliating for a lot of people with various medical conditions to not be able to reach a toilet within a few minutes. It is a good healthy activity to walk - good for the circulation, good for weight control etc but with no public toilet within 10 minutes on a walk it is causing huge anguish to people suffering from continence issues. I had to buy a treadmill and the poor dog goes without a walk now.

Commenter

maryz

Location

Williamstown

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 10:21AM

Catherine, maybe they are awaiting free work for the dole cleaners

Commenter

Brian Woods

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 11:11AM

What's the difference between an Airport and a Railway Station? Staff, and ownership. If we own the public transport system it's time for all of us to take political action. Let's all scream together.

Commenter

OpenWindow

Location

PutACorkInIt

Date and time

August 18, 2014, 11:12AM

I keep hoping that the government will legislate to stop us needing to go to the toilet when we are outside of our homes. With no public toilets, the only other option is to either do it in your pants or find an alleyway or park, or between cars somewhere in a carpark.

Not ideal. But sometimes there are no other options when you need to go. And I am talking number ones. I shudder to think about needing number twos.