One Hundred Thirty Pounds Ago,

I shed my shell and Got My Wings!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

My Prince

One week ago Ruben swept me off my feet when he asked me to take his hand in marriage. It was the sweetest, most perfect proposal I could have ever dreamed of. All my friends and family were there! My parents cried, but the best part was my first hug afterward with my father. He wrapped his arms around me so tightly, his little girl - a newly engaged woman. I whispered into his ear, "Did he ask you first, Daddy?" He tightened his grip around me and said, "Yes Meg, he did it all right. Congratulations, I know he'll make you very happy." And he will, I know it. More than anything in the world, do you know how to tell when you're with 'The One'? I didn't truly know until that night. I mean, I've known that I love him for a very long time, and I've known I want to spend my life with him for two years now; but, it wasn't until that one moment that any sliver of doubt disappeared. Have you ever seen in the movies when two people are so into one another that the entire world going on around then just disappears? Forces of Nature comes to mind with Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck. There is a scene in the end when Ben reunites with his fiancé on their wedding day after almost not showing up. They are in a hurricane, all the guests are scurrying for safety and the props are being blown away and for the most perfect moment there is nothing in the world that could distract them from the hold on one another's eyes. There is a bubble around them. The wind isn't even blowing their hair out of place, while entire bodies are being blown everywhere around them. Each others voices are the only things they can hear and each others eyes are the only things they can see. They are shielded from the rain, safe and happy. This happened to me. Things in the movies never happen in real life, but this happened to me.

Ruben got up in front of 100 people to read a poem written for me, at the end of the poem a familiar song began to play, "Come Rain or Shine" by Billy Holiday. I remember the song coming on, but it faded quickly. Ruben called me to the stage where, he knelt on one knee and offered me his heart, in a silver heart shaped box. It wasn't until we finished hugging and kissing that I realized we were in the middle of a standing ovation and the song was still playing overhead. The following day I watched the video tape my mother had recorded, it wasn't until then I realized that the song never in fact faded and the audience had been clapping and hollering long before I ever 'came to'. I was in a bubble with the whole world going around me and I didn't even know it. Ruben was my whole world!

Today Ruben got a call from his Liver Specialist.Tomorrow will be more blood work, and then a decision will be made as to weather or not he needs another ERCP to help clear his bile ducts so his liver can function longer.It’s been well over a year since his last one, which is good in the since that some PSC patients have this done every 6 months, but the last one was actually the one that diagnosed him.This will also be able to give the doctor an idea of how the disease is progressing.Ruben is scared.The last thing he wants right now is more bad news.He wants to get through our wedding and have a life together.He doesn’t want to be sick any more.It kills me inside when I have to hold him while his eyes begin to weep and tell him everything is going to be okay.I don’t know that.The only thing that keeps me thinking that is the hope that God won’t take this person away from me too.He’s taken every one else I really loved.My best friend, my favorite uncle, my grandma and grandpa.All the significant people I’ve ever wanted at my wedding day, and now he wants to take the man I’m supposed to wed!What kind of God does that?We’re supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, but what if the rest of Ruben’s is only a few more years?What have I ever done to deserve going through so much pain and always having to come out of everything as the strong one?I’ve always been spiritual and a believer, uplifting and positive.I’m one of the most optimistic people you’ll ever meet, mostly because it’s the only way I really know how to deal with things, but I’m finding it hard to stay this way more and more lately.No matter what though, I will remain strong for Ruben.If his ‘till death do us part’ is that much shorter than mine, I will be by his side all of the way.I know I’m signing on for that possibility by accepting his proposal and becoming his wife.There’s also a chance he will get a transplant and live much longer than myself.And I’m ok with either, I’ve done a lot of thinking about it and I’m at peace with it. Marriage is “for better or worse, and in sickness and health,” and I want more than anything to be his wife.If the time comes when he does get really sick, I want to know I’m taking care of and standing by my husband.But, that doesn’t mean I have to like God for it all the time.

2 Comments

What can we say?!Congratulations.Ben and I wish you two only the best.We know that your lives will be full of happieness and joy.You two are the best people we know and are truely meant for one another.I know that we don't talk that much anymore and we're very sorry for that.We hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive us.We still think of you often and wish you the best of luck in your life journeys!

Meg,Life is so crazy and rushed but you are right...Much of my time with you has been 'in a bubble.' I love you and I have read this post over and over again. I love that you love me and I am proud to stand at your side. Thank you for teaching me that it is hard to love someone in silence. I will try my hardest to open up more with you. Sometimes I just get quiet because I get scared. Thank you for your understanding and patience.-Ruben