What Is Your Definition of Friendship?

I've been thinking a lot about friendship and how much those closest to me, including my family members, help add joy and happiness to my life as well as help shape who I am. The quote: "You are the company you keep" encourages us to be deliberate in how we define and choose our friends. And on the flip side, it reminds us that being good company is just as important as seeking it.

Trust in one another; ability to go to each other for emotional support"

Me and Rachael from TodaysMama.com at Evo Conference.

What characteristics and values are most important to you in a friend?

For me, I'd add integrity to this list as well, because while people may have these values, the most important thing is their desire and effort to live in accordance with them.

Tips to Being a Good Friend

While keeping great company helps define us, it is only one half of the friendship equation. We also need to be great company for others in return. Here's a few ways to be a good friend:

Uplift Your Friends

Love Others for Who They Are

Serve Your Friends How They Want to Be Served

Apologize and Change

Uplift Your Friends

Relationships need to be mutually beneficial and one of the best ways for people to benefit is when they are uplifted by another individual. Actions that are often uplifting include: validating, affirming, looking out and sticking up for, taking care of, being loyal to, trusting and being honest with, and being there for others.

When I think of uplifting friends, they are those that I have on speed dial. I can call them any time—for a good laugh, to share some news, when I'm having a tough day, or when I need a pick-me-up. They are my peeps—those that get me and in essence, make me a better me!

Kami from NoBiggie.net, Allison from PetitElefant.com, Marie from MakeandTakes.com, Casey from MooshInIndy.com, and me at BlogHer'10.

Love Others for Who They Are

The lens through which we see the world and the belief systems we cling to shape most of our perspectives. As I look at the company I keep, I am increasingly amazed and in awe at the diverse personality types, skills, attributes, and talents those closest to me bring to the table. As they help me see things through their lens, it changes my outlook, adding color, beauty, and clarity to the world around me.

Trying to force others to be more like you or only choosing friends who are your same type is limiting. Adversely, choosing friendships based on values instead of personality types and learning to love people for who they are enhances your experiences.

Serve Your Friends How They Want to Be Served

Service is a great way to show love in any relationship.

Me and Amy Belgardt from MomSpark.net at Evo Conference.

I wrote a post once about how to raise giving children. In it, I promoted the concept of doing unto others as they need you to do unto them and not "as you'd like done unto you."

I've had many opportunities to be the recipient of service in my life. After one surgery, I was flat on my back in bed for 6 weeks. I discovered the way in which I needed to be served when a friend came to visit. She brought Yahtzee, magazines, treats, and spent 2 hours with me chatting, playing games, and just hanging out. I was in so much pain and so happy all at the same time. I learned that when I am out for the count, the biggest gift someone can give me is time. Just be with me.

Books like the 5 Love Languages are great at helping you figure out ways in which you want to be loved and served as well as helping you notice what your friends' needs may be. The catch is that sometimes it is tough to figure out how others want to be served. And sometimes, they don't even know. But, paying attention or trying a variety of things to see what works best and doing those things helps you meet their needs best.

Apologize and Change

Friendships grow and change and need to be strengthened like any other relationship. The goal is to create positive experiences, be there for each other, and have the relationship be mutually beneficial. If you veer off the path of being a great friend, apologize and change. It takes a second to offer a sincere apology. It may take months to change your behavior. But it is nearly impossible to replace a fabulous friendship. The time required to apologize and change is a drop in the bucket compared to the time it took to create all the amazing memories.

Evaluate your friendships and ask yourself:

If you are the company you keep, who are you? And, is that the person you want to be?

If your friends are the company they keep, who are they? And, are they a better person because you are in their lives?

Victoria is obSEUSSed with bringing children’s stories and characters to life through kid crafts and fun activities. Inspired by Dr. Seuss, she hopes to get children excited about reading by encouraging moms to be librarians at home. All three of her children love books, including her 6-month-old.

Comments

21 Responses to “What Is Your Definition of Friendship?”

What a thorough article on friendship! I feel that I have friends for different situations. All of my close friends have wonderful qualities. The number one that they all have in common is the feeling of knowing each other for lifetimes. That quick bonding is a common denominator in all my friends. Great conversation, deep understanding, trust, and loyalty. However, I do have friends that are great for shopping, great for deep thoughts about the unknown, great for shoulder to lean on, and the list goes on.

Thanks for writing this, it is a great reminder to value those in your life.

Love this! Friends who you can vent anything to that won’t judge you are the best! Like my blog partner Ash. Yes Petit Elefant, I love friends who take me where I am and help me get me where I’m going. You always need to have friends that inspire you to be your best you!

Here’s the thing… I feel completely blessed to have such amazing friends. And… the tips I shared weren’t things I am necessary good at, but things that my friends have taught me and I aspire to be better at. In short, they are the ways in which my friends have been good friends to me.

I hope I can someday be half as awesome as the company I keep! You’re all amazing :D.

Wow Jyl, the timing of this post could not be more perfect. Sometimes our lives can get really crazy and it’s easy to focus on what we need. When we can truly focus on those around us and how we can help them our lives are more blessed.

[...] My lesson this week was inspired by my friend Jyl, from Mom it Forward, whom I met at the fabulous EVO ’10 conference in Park City this summer (Jyl actually put this conference on), and who also wrote a very inspiring post on friendships. [...]

[...] My lesson this week was inspired by my friend Jyl, from Mom it Forward, whom I met at the fabulous EVO ’10 conference in Park City this summer (Jyl actually put this conference on), and who also wrote a very inspiring post on friendships. [...]