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The mom files

Sitting at my desk looking out at the beautiful flowers and the bees zooming around. And all I'm thinking is how much I miss the kids screaming "mama, ahh, a bee, a bee". Co-parenting is still absolutely the best thing for my kids. That hasn't changed. Man, you should have seen them when they realised there were two trips this summer!

What I didn't realise or maybe selectively forgot was how much I miss their busy, their kid-ness, their tantrums (okay, maybe not so much), their happy. We have a buckload of time to get things done, exercise, relax and anything else we want to do because the job ends at 5 pm and weekends are free. And yet it's hard to enjoy it in quite the same way as I'd imagined.

I'm struggling to muster the giddy anticipation of Wednesday gym sessions, 8 pm and all the other moments that cordoned off momhood. Instead of getting some much need stuff done on my PC, I find myself looking at pictures. 8 pm just means it is 8 pm, not "we made it to bedtime". This beautiful house that all of a sudden seems that so easier to keep clean, seems very big and empty. And that lovely lawn seems less perfect without the kids running around trying to find the robot mower.

I know it's only a few weeks. And yes I know, they will probably wind me up the first day they get back. Actually that's pretty much a given. My floors will be covered in crumbs by lunch. Someone will have been in timeout. And I will be wondering how much longer till bedtime. But it's doesn't matter because I'm a mom.