Friday, July 13, 2012

Well it's Friday, and because I had SO much fun on last week's coffee date with all of you, I wanted to ask if you'd join me again for coffee this week? I just love how Alissa has put this link party together- such a fun idea... there was no way to skip out on the fun!

Today's the last day, before we're supposed to receive a ton of rain (thunderstorms are on their way or so I've heard/read), so Charlotte and I made a quick run to the water park for a couple of hours of haze (the sun wasn't shining, but at least the rain wasn't pouring) and swimming fun.

I picked up some coffee along the way from this yummy little shop... the Coffee Lab... go ahead and order yourself something...

I chose an iced coffee with NO sugar (oh, how this body would LOVE some vanilla syrup right about now...)

If we were on a date right about now, drinking our yummies from Coffee Lab (outside in the sun at the water park), I'd probably start talking your ear off about our move back to the US. Yes, it happens in 6 months, but I'm getting so excited about the possibilities. We've been looking into homes, and land, and have been praying over it all, and are feeling led to build. I don't know where it came from... or how it really came about. Friends of ours from Germany are in the process of building in this community, and we're more than likely headed to the same community to do the same thing. But until I know/have more information, we'll have to save that chit chat for another coffee date.

As I look around here at the water park, it's completely empty... except for a few single ladies who are laying out on their lounge chairs trying to grab some skin for their pale bodies. Man, I remember being that lady... able to lay out, enjoy the sun, without worrying what a little one was up to... just being able to close my eyes, and take a snooze. There are times (a lot of times recently) where I reminisce about how life was before Charlotte (never out loud, only in mind...). I think about the things I was able to do and the places I was able to see when I didn't have little footsteps following me around. I remember how less frustrated I was, or that I was never angry... or bothered by much. She has been tugging on my very last nerves... I know a lot of this is because of ALL the attention she received from everyone while we were in the states (being held all the time, being talked to all the time, being played with all the time). Notice how everything in the brackets there ended with, "ALL THE TIME"... well that's what she seems to be doing with me... she's by foot ALL THE TIME, needing/wanting... and this when I tell myself, "Charlotte needs a sibling... like now." She doesn't know how to be by herself anymore. We've spent this last year teaching her how to depend on us for things (love, attention, essentials, etc.)... but now I just wish she was a little independent... just a little... wouldn't it be nice to be able to go to the bathroom without being followed into the bathroom?

Do you ever feel like you're losing yourself?

But then... I look around at those ladies tanning on their lounge chairs, and although it would be nice to take a cat nap right about now... or be able to read a book at any given moment...

I look up, and I see this little face staring at me...

not at the ladies on the lounge chairs... not at the lifeguards that are whistling at her to stop running in the wet areas of the water park... no, this little girl is only looking at me... and in that moment, I realize, I'm EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to do...

(don't worry, I made sure to tell the little one that the lifeguard was yelling at her, and "Safety First! slow down...WALK!")

It's nice to remember the things I used to find joy in: sleep, loud music, warm cup of coffee, reading a book from cover to back in a few days, etc.... but those things are SO foreign from me, that I wouldn't even know how to enjoy them again. So I choose to move along, and enjoy my little one as best as I can. Yes, she annoys me to pieces at times, but I guess that is all part of the refining. God put her in my life to rub me raw, so that I might see flaws I might NEVER have seen if she weren't in my life... and boy do I see them.

5 comments:

I was listening to a Mark Driscoll sermon the other day, and the Bible verse about "women being saved through childbirth (motherhood!!)" was mentioned. Their take on that verse is that our children help us see our sin day after day after day, and thusly, our need for a Savior. It's so true, isn't it?!! I tell Max and E to "use nice words" "be loving" "don't be disrespectful" and then.. then I yell at them; lose my patience with them; am sarcastic with them... and then the Holy Spirit pokes me and goes, "Um, Corrie? Two things. One, you're being a hypocrite. And two, whenever you're like that to God, He is still loving and patient with you. Let's work on that, shall we?"Sigh. And Ryan and I sometimes reminisce about what life used to be like... or what we could be doing now if they weren't around... but then we look around us, and see them doing something cute or loving, and realize we can't really imagine our lives without them now. How empty would we be without our blessings from God? You and Jason are doing a great job, Karen. =)

I know the feeling of being a parent to a little one...and then having that little one become slightly independent (turning 5, going to kindergarten, meeting friends) and then having another one! and thinking...what am I doing? adding to my years of "tethering"...but my boy is the sweetest ever...at 10 he comes to hug me and randomly says "i love you" when he is going about his day...which is what I taught myself to do...because I want my children to know they are so loved.

Now that they are older, there are more and more moments when they are running around "doing their thing" and I wonder if they are safe, wonder if they are making good choices...

Parenting is such an adventure full of so much learning for us, as well as them!

Yeah, pretty much the same story here. Only we did go ahead and add a sibling for Isabel, and while it helped a lot in some areas, my stress levels are significantly higher than before. And I have to break up squabbles. And Adelise taught Isabel how to "fly" off the top of her dresser. Like you, I wouldn't change it, but I too reminisce about things like quiet poolside lounging or entire days holed up at home in pajamas. Not so much anymore, but you're right. We're exactly where we're supposed to be.

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"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis