The Quokkas are an internationally franchised drinking team with a cricketing problem
Renowned for our fearsome lack of fear on the cricketing pitch, we bring our unique brand of sporting ineptitude and enthusiasm over ability to the ovals of our opponents

There is a great scene in Episode V in which Han, piloting the Millennium Falcon through an asteroid field to escape from the Empire, sees what seems to be a cave in one of the asteroids and guides the Falcon into it in a gentle sweeping move (you can see it below if you skip to 1:39).

I often think about this scene whenever I do a U-turn in my car, as if I am re-creating it, and it always makes me smile at my own idiocy. In fact, I always think about this scene whenever I do a U-turn.

And so began my drive to the lush outfields of Kooyong began on Sunday after picking up Maxy, with a gentle turn, heading not into the mouth of a giant asteroid worm (SPOILER ALERT!) but to our annual match against the VBCA.

Despite not having the Empire on my tail, I was still a little nervous as we were running late and the indefatigable Nick Pepper from the VBCA had originally suggested an 11am start.

I managed to coerce him past midday for a start time, but it looked like I would need to fix the hyperdrive to make it there on time.

Thankfully, the VBCA had caught a serious case of Quokka time and there were only a smattering of their players at the ground by the time Maxy and I got there, with a full Quokka squad already in attendance.

With the usual number of “outs” during the week, The Big Dog had been on the recruiting rampage and brought in George Schwab from his work. George had the visage of an experienced cricketer about him and plenty of good stories about getting injuries playing indoor, so was looking a good fit.

The other in was the third brother in-law from clan Curto, Kiwi Mark, who we had heard a lot about but obviously had his priorities right and never volunteered to play before.

Oh, and here’s a stat: Mark and George became Quokkas 99 and 100. It only took ten years, but there you go.

With the umpire for the day not yet present and Maxy starting to lose interest in Schwabbys indoor stories, the bullet was bitten and the Quokkas went out to bat with yours truly as umpire.

The innings started with great promise and greater experience, The Big Dog opening with The Animal to the roar of the Quokkas bench. Well, more of a squeak really.

The Big Dog placed the first ball down to 3rd man and we were away in style.

The two veterans adjusted to the different play quickly and were soon running regular singles. The VBCA got wise to The Big Dogs hockey shots though and bowled one on the stumps, sending him back to the pavilion.

The Animal on strike

The Animal soon followed as a result of the exact same delivery, enabling the most hilarious partnership of the day; that of Snipper and Sizzle.

Sizzle had come off his bike earlier in the week, which may have left him a little groggy and could explain him calling “yes!” on pretty much every delivery bowled, whether he was on strike or no.

Being the accommodating type, Snipper did his best to go along with this, though realised that he wouldn’t have too much time in the middle so started hitting out, including 3 very impressive boundaries square and down the ground.

Sizzle eventually ran himself out by only three quarters of a pitch, bringing Mark to the crease who retired on 15 after playing some very impressive golf shots.

Schwabby then took strike for the first time in 19 years, only to knock the ball back onto his stumps the first chance he got. Probably the worst I’ve ever felt shooting someone out. Definitely top 5.

Special and J Rod had some handy moments towards the tail, with Special hitting a nice 4 before managing to get caught of all things.

Maxy and I were then able to bring the innings home, with the younger partner finishing on 9 not out and myself on 10 not out (including a reverse sweep). I have this over him for at least another 12 months, but how much longer?

With the total on 98, The Quokka camp was very nervous about our chances, the VBCA batters having chased larger totals easily in previous years.

It wasn’t to be though, with the VBCA managing find new and creative ways to get themselves out just as they were getting started. Their creativity even stretched to letting me catch them out on the boundary and getting bowled (rolled?) through the gate by a 7 year old.

There were also solid, if spectacular, efforts in the field from Special, Schwabby (who turned back the clock to nearly pull off a screamer – artists impression below), Sizzle (fielding while holding a stubby) and The Animal who seemed to be a ball magnet all day.

Thanks again to everyone involved, it was a great day out as usual and we really appreciate the game.

The Quokkas frenetic February of fever continues this week, with the second of 4 weeks of continuous cricket, this time against our old friends at the Victorian Blind Cricket Association (VBCA).

This will be the 7th match between the Quokkas and the VBCA, a fixture that always provides great fun for the Quokkas and an excuse for our visually impaired friends to join in on the global joke that is our cricketing ineptitude.

This game is always a great way to experience a different form of cricket, meet some new friends and get to bowl a ball underarm without causing a major international incident.

Trevor and Greg Chappell are still not welcome.

Form Guide:

Quokkas (most recent last): WLWWLW

Team News:

The commute back from Gippsland has taken its toll on the squad, with lots of “outs” this week. That being said, we do re-gain blind-cricket specialist; J Rod and The Rev, who is looking to make up for being outscored by Maxy in last years fixture.

As a matter of interest, Maxy hit a 6 and top scored for his team last weekend, something that he has taken great joy in telling The Rev about all week.

Regardless, the XI at the time of writing is:

J Rod

Special

Sizzle

Pete “The Animal” Sforcina

Big Dog

Rev (c)

Snipper

Ami

Mrs Sizzle

George Schwab

In the Spotlight:

While he has terrorised opponents with his metronomic pressure with the ball this year, “The Animal” now gets to try out the rolling ball. If there is anyone that can master line and length on a curved pitch, its Sforcina senior senior.

Pitch and Conditions:

The grounds at Kooyong were donated to Vision Australia in the 1920s and remain a place of tranquillity and peace, only disturbed by the constant sledging from the cricketers present.

We are expecting a top of 31 on Sunday with some cloud cover, so she could get a little humid & help the ball swing; off the bat and into the carpark.

Stats and Trivia:

This will be the Big Dog and J Rods 5th match against the VBCA, making them the Revs bridesmaids, who has the most appearances in 7;

There will be 5 blind cricket debutants in this game, which is slightly lower than the average number of debutants for a blind cricket game (5.5);

This match is the second-leg of this seasons bipedal series between the VBCA and The Quokkas, with the VBCA taking out the first match earlier this season (which was a warm up for them ahead of Nationals). The last match was relatively one-sided, The Quokkas happy just to get the majority of a team on the park.

This match, though, is a little different. The Quokkas have a full XI available at the time of writing, meaning there should be possibly (maybe) 8 ready by Sunday morning. The games against the VBCA are always good fun and played with a great spirit, at least once the bar is opened at midday.

Form Guide:

The Quokkas are actually coming off their first Tour win EVER, having beaten Nerrena in Nerrena in a tightly contested match last weekend. This is a matter that should illicit wonder as much as it does concern, I‘m pretty sure a Quokkas away win is one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Taken in context though, an away win won’t have too much impact on this game as the nuances of the rocking & rolling ball take hold.

Similar to touring games, The Quokkas are traditionally pretty poor at Blind Cricket matches, but perhaps all that is about to change too.

In The Spotlight:

J Rod returns for his annual Captaincy stint, fresh from the birth of his second child, full of vim and vigor. And sleep. ‘The Rod’ has been known to get so worked up at games that others can tell he is actually breathing, so it will be interesting to see how he approaches captaining a match when the soft, shaded outfields of Kooyong are available.

The Quokkas are also hoping to welcome back Gaz, who has been missing in 2018 due to a combination of sickness and cardigan-related issues. We all look forward to seeing how the casual cover-driver handles the rolled ball.

We also see the return of the only Quokka to get paid for appearing, albeit with what he calls “fizzy drink” and “twisted up chips”.

“I want Twisties!”

Team News:

The XI (at the time of writing) is:

Ed

Dutchy

Snipper

Radar

J Rod (c)

Rev

Roley

Jay

Pup

Gaz

Maxy

Pitch and Conditions:

The VBCA grounds are a real delight, with soft outfields, lots of shade and the comforts of the commentary box readily available. The slight slope to the ground also creates some challenges for the bowlers, similar to bowling into v with the wind in non-blind cricket.

Who in The Quokkas will be their Peter Siddle?

Artists impression of Peter Siddle

The BOM is expecting a top of 22 on Sunday, so it should be a very comfortable day out.

Stats and Trivia:

This will be the 6th match between the VBCA and The Quokkas (someone should really organise a trophy), the only Quokka to have played in all of them being The Rev;

The All Abilities Cricket Carnival may not be the most widely known Cricket event in Australia, or even in Geelong (where its held) but its an important event, giving disabled Cricketers the opportunity to compete at the highest domestic level.

Excited about the Tournament, the Victorian Blind Cricket Association (VBCA) reached out to us just before Christmas looking for a warm-up game, even if it did involve The Quokkas.

They must be really very excited.

With the Australian summer in full effect, a squad was difficult to find & so the ring-around was undertaken and enough of a team was herded together including:

Rainesy, The Quokkas Blind Cricket specialist

Monty, the keen Rookie

Roley, who is more Wookie than Rookie

Yvette Hollings, cricket raconteur

Dave, yes, Dave

Cousin Sean (MK II), keen to break a run of 7 ducks in a row

The Rev, and

Maxy

Would this rag-tag bunch be up to the task of pushing the VBCA to higher levels of performance? No.

Would they create a dent in the free snags put on by the VBCA? Yes.

Keeping his coin toss record in place, The Rev informed the team they were being told to field and so they ambled out to populate the oval as sparsely as only 6.5 people can.

I won’t comment too much about the opening bowlers / rollers, but the top 3 batsmen for the VBCA all retired with scores of 14, 37 and 12 in pretty quick time. Maxy started to sulk, and with good reason.

Sledging went to unexpected places too

Cousin Sean was very tidy behind the stumps though, and 3 sharp run-outs were executed after the midway point of the innings. Rainesy then followed with a wicket and the last ball of the 20 overs saw Sean taking a good catch that came off the top edge. Exciting stuff.

117 was the target for The Quokkas, which had been helped along by 18 very generous extras. This was always going to be tough, particularly without Maxy who finished his Twisties and left in search of better role models.

Monty and Rainesy made a strong start to the batting innings, scoring 6 off the first, but this is the point that the wheels started to fall off.

Monty was given LBW to a ball that hit his foot that was planted firmly outside the leg stump (proper Pub Cricketer, Monty). Yvette came in and played proper straight drives, which was impressive but probably not the shot for Blind Cricket and she was eventually bowled by one that went under the bat. Dave put his beer down and wandered out to the middle for a bit, but he too was undone by the lack of bounce and was bowled for an egg.

I recently discovered that a good person to help fix a cars headlights was Roley, so hoped that he could do the same with the wheels on a batting innings, and it almost turned out to be true.

Roley and Rainesy started to put on a clinic, constructing a partnership of 38, with Rainesy taking the lead; hitting drives to the boundary through cover and forcing his partner to run twos.

Roley was also showing some nous, opening up his bat face and hitting the ball like a sand wedge for some entertaining ‘popped’ balls. The running was obviously getting to him though and he was eventually run out for 12.

This brought The Rev to the crease, which Rainesy obviously wasn’t too keen on as he started hitting out and soon got out (bowled) for a team high 32 runs.

The Rev wasn’t done though and kept up his seasons record by running out Cousin Sean for 4. At least it wasn’t a duck. Or a diamond one.

Monty and Yvette then both had second chances to help round out the overs, but it wasn’t enough, The Quokkas all out for 79.

Many thanks to everyone that filled in on the day, thanks also to the VBCA for the chance for the game and best of luck to them at the All Abilities Carnival.

On a warm summer Sunday, the Quokkas arrived at the VBCA ground with high hopes of redeeming ourselves from last years crushing defeat. With most of the state representatives on tour, we were expecting a more dominant performance over the opposition. With Rev braving the air-conditioned commentary box, the rest of the Quokkas walked slowly out to the pitch.

The VBCA got off to a great start, with a number of overthrows conceded, while the Quokkas got used to the bounce, or lack of, on the ball. With adjusted rules where wides and no balls are two runs, the VBCA were going along at a decent run-rate. Wickets were hard to come by until Eliza came on and had an instant impact taking a peg.

We kept rolling through the overs, and with the last ball of the innings J Rod had his first wicket of the season with a questionable umpiring call. But we’ll take it.

We came off for a cool drink with a short turnout for out batting innings.

With the VBCA short of fielders, Rev came out the air conditioned commentary box to help them out. With Snipper and Eliza facing the first 4 overs, we got off to a slow start. Snipper completely blind not being able to get bat on ball until…

…wait for it…

…a sweep shot to short leg where Rev took one of the best catches ever seen from a Quokka.

That might not be saying much, but it was a catch Boonie would be proud of.

Please take in what you have just read about Rev’s catch. With his modesty it may be the last time it is ever mentioned.

Back to the game. After the first 4 overs, we were in negative territory and it only got slightly better from there. One of the highlights with the batting was a comment one of the VBCA made about Cat’s tapping of the bat. He said it sounded like a proper cricketer.

As we rolled slowly through the final overs, Rev and Ren had a duel which could only end badly for Rev. We finished the innings with some big hitting from Dutchy with a little help from JRod, but it was all too little too late.

This weekend marks the Quokkas annual match against the Victorian Blind Cricket Association (VBCA), an event that we are very proud of and happy to play each season.

The VBCA are coming off a very busy Christmas break, with the State Team coming off an intensive T20 Championship and many of the National players in India for the World Cup.

The Quokkas, on the other hand, have started 2017 by being carted around Alfred Crescent by the ASRC and dropping more than a few catches along the way.

This game will be played as a T20, with retirements, LBWs and other such rules in place.

This game lets The Quokkas the ability to experience the game in the way vision-impaired players do, while also giving the VBCA players an opportunity to have a hit.

Form Guide:

As mentioned, the VBCA are coming off a very hectic schedule, so are probably in great form and ready to tee-off against some very muddling bowling. The Quokkas have managed to field a full XI for every game so far this season, which is at least 1 positive.

In the Spotlight:

J Rod comes into this game fresh from dropping a quarum of catches, scoring 30+ runs off not many and generally being so laconic that sloths look at him enviously.

A comparative excitement machine

Captain for the game against the VBCA for the second year in a row, J Rod will bring the rat cunning he developed growing up in Moree to the field.

Eliza comes in for her 3rd Quokkas game, including her 2nd against the VBCA. A wicket taker in last years game, the underarm specialist could be a real handful in this match.

Team News:

The XI for this weekend (at the time of writing) is:

The Big Dog

Cat

Dutchy

Bowl’en

Chef

Snipper

Radar

J Rod (c)

Ren

Karly

Eliza

Rev *

* Expected to be calling the game for most of it

Pitch and Conditions

It doesn’t get much better than the lovely fields at Kooyong. The pitches are well kept and manicured, and the bar in the pavilion is both conveniently close to the players benches and full of cold beer. The bar staff can be pretty hot on opening times, Rev experienced their discipline a few years ago first hand, so be sure to wait until midday to ask for your first cold one.

The BOM is predicting a top of 28 on Sunday, which is the kind of weather that really works up a thirst when combined with running around in goggles.

Stats & Trivia

This is the 4th match between the VBCA and the Quokkas, the VBCA hold a 2-1 lead in the ledger

Big Dog, J Rod and Rev have all played the most number of VBCA games; 3

This match will be Dutchy’s 60th appearance for The Quokkas, here’s hoping he bring some CHEEKY GOAT ice cream to celebrate

Karly should be making her debut this week, which is very exciting. Karly has shown great promise in the nets & we hope she can become a key part of the mixed team going forward

In our 3rd annual game against the VBCA, we headed south to RM Lord Park in Carnegie.

With the sun shining, we arrived to the site of Chris the umpire setting up on the turf pitch which excited some of the Quokkas.

With the VBCA team choosing to bat first, the Quokkas took the opportunity to refresh/learn the rules and practice their underarm bowling.

As Captain for the day, JRod opened the bowling to opposing captain Dave who hit the first ball back through his legs to get the VBCA team off to a flying start. The openers put on a great unbeaten partnership before retiring to give the other batsmen a bit of a hit.

With some good fielding by Cat, Rainsey and Nick and some bad “Dad” jokes from Rev, Rainsey and Umpires Chris. Along with a couple of shared wickets between Mia, Shotgun, Rainsey we briefly slowed the runs. Very briefly, the VBCA gave us a huge target of 170+ in 20 overs.

Opening with Tuesday and Mia we got off to a good start. Until Tuesday ran Mia out going for a run that just wasn’t there. Mia gave Tuesday a one finger salute which received a huge cheer from the Quokkas sitting on the boundary.

This had Cat in at number 3 who put on a quick fire 11 before she was walking back which was followed by a middle order collapse. No one else reach double figures until Dutchy joined the Red Hot Tuesday who was quickly approaching his half century.

Dutchy was unstuck by a brilliant piece of fielding by Robbo (Not our Robbo, that would never happen.) who ran a stunned Dutchy out with a direct hit from near the boundary.

With Tuesday now passed 50, in great touch. The VBCA had no answer to his scoring. With Tuesday at the crease, we still have a chance of Victory.

But wait, here come Rev at number 10, who strides to the middle confidently, then quickly runs Tuesday out, and with that any chance of winning.

Rainsey in at 11 at one end, he managed to make double figures for the first time and his highest score playing for the Quokkas.

At the other end, with the Quokkas needing over 30 runs an over, Rev was blocking them out nicely. With 57 needed off the last over, Rev was still trying to hit the winning runs, sealed with an attempted ramp shot off the last ball.

The Quokkas fell 51 runs short of Victory but a great day was had by all. We hope the VBCA got some good practice and we wish them all the best in their upcoming 40/40 and 20/20 competitions at the end of December and early January.

I awoke to rain and thought surely Rev is going to call a match off? No way. ‘Be there at 12 ‘ was the curt, daunting text.We arrived to a BBQ already on the go and news that Andy, captain of the VBCA team had sent us into bat.

With experience and experience needed, Big Dog and Rev strolled out. After a solid partnership of 7 a few other batsmen went in and did okay, but it was Snipper and Local who poured on the runs.

Radar and Chef also got some away but the lower order run making machine called Eliza showed us all what T20 death batting is about.

Humble as ever, Snipper retired but returned to the crease to make more, to take us to a formidable 113 saying “I have to admit, I could see through the (vision impairment) glasses”.

In the bowling stakes, once we bowled out the two members of the Australian team, Hawkeye and Peter, the scoring slowed considerably. It also slowed after I mankadded a batsmen.

That would be correct. Emu put a mankad on a blind cricketer for backing up too much. Of course it was only a warning, and not serious, but I later found out it the humour was drained as it was done for real in the All Abilities World Cup one year by an Indian bowler. Rough!

Rev was brought on with atypical success, including getting two wickets in a row! The third ball? Missed the pegs by a coat of varnish.

As the game got close, the VBCA team began to score heavily, mainly because we only had 5 fielders.

It appears some Quokkas realised that the blind crickets could not see the gaps to capitalise and began stints on the radio and bar, mostly paying out on Emu for making 1 run and trying a quick single off the only player who was level 3 impaired (tunnel vision).

In the end, the Quokkas held on by 12 runs.

A great day was had by all except, Rev, who is still chasing a hat trick.

Thanks to all that attended and had a stint on the radio. The boys were very happy and look forward to Game III next year.

The All-Abilities World Cup will be held on March 17 at Prahran District Cricket Oval. Some boys from VBCA will be involved. Get down if you have time!

The Quokkas Cricket Club is proud to announce that it has been appointed as an official supporter of the Victorian Blind Cricket Association (VBCA).

The VBCA and The Quokkas played a social game over the 2013/14 season, enabling the VBCA players to get in some much practice before nationals while also enabling The Quokkas to learn more about Blind Cricket.

The game was such a success that the Quokkas decided to make a formal approach to the VBCA to request future games, as well as provide financial support (aside from their generous contributions over the bar).

“We are delighted to formalise this relationship and look forward to a long and healthy relationship with the VBCA” said Quokkas founder The Rev.

“The VBCA are a great bunch of cricketers and play in exactly the spirit that we strive to; for enjoyment of the game”.