mmmmm…coffee

So it’s a Tuesday morning. Just like any other regular Tuesday. I’m pretending to do work in my office, in reality I’m staring at Katy Perry’s tits and reading about random stuff on Wikipedia. Jim isn’t even fucking with me, so it’s not too bad of a day. Then it happens.

Ok, so we’ll get to the title in a minute. First off, it was a fucking fantastic day. I can’t remember the last time I left work happy. Piss pot is still on vacation. Probably shaving his mom’s pussy and fluffing her pillow or some shit. I don’t give a fuck. Walter was in a good mood, hell the whole office was. Probably because general pale titties was out of the office. Anyway, here’s how the day went.

One of my most-visited sites on the web is Reddit.com, and one of my favourite subreddits is HistoricalWhatIf, an online community that debates historical hypotheticals. Earlier today someone asked the question, In a mass knife fight to the death between every American President, who would win and why? Someone beat me to the obvious answer that a final showdown would see Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt doing a dagger-wielding version of a Mexican standoff, so I took it too far and walked through how I thought every president would turn out. An hour later the result greatly exceeded the maximum 10,000 character limit for a post, so I’ve decided to blog about it instead.

To begin, here were the original conditions of the hypothetical, as suggested by the redditor Xineph:

Every president is in the best physical and mental condition they were ever…

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