Friday, August 17, 2012

One Way Monkey: The Project Runway recap

It’s too bad that Raul wasn’t good
at this whole “designin’” thing because he served a lot of functions.

First of all, there was his
white-hot hatred of Elena, always good for a few laughs.

Then there was the short-lived, non-starter “I
do menswear” drinking game. (As the sole judge, officiator, and creator of this
game, I hereby decree that last night’s “I’m good at making pants” was worthy
of a drink—at least in my house it was.)

But his greatest function? He had
a crush on Christopher.

When you think of it, there have
been very few hook-ups, crushes, and love triangles on Project Runway. I
remember that the adorable Little Lord Fauntleroy-like Daniel and Wesley (of
Season 5?) became an item. I always “shipped” Andre and Santino, but I don’t
think anything actually happened there. Even this season’s promising
lust-filled hate glares between Christopher and Gunnar seems to have receded. I
guess they’re all so exhausted they barely have time to eat and sleep, let
alone get busy.

But when it was time to pick teams
for the Marie Claire Work challenge, Christopher got to pick third and he,
reasonably enough, picked Fabio.

And Raul was hurt and shocked.
Because la-la-la, he CAN’T HEAR YOU, Christopher loves him back. And also, la-la-la,
HE CAN’T HEAR YOU, Raul’s awesome at desigin’ stuff.

Two other intriguing highlights
from the team choices.

Why on earth did Sonjia pick
Elena? Has she met her? I mean, I guess Elena has some skillz, but she’s also the
most toxic human being in the studio (and
fan favorite!!). Weird.

“I’d rather eat dirt than work
with Elena,” said Gunnar. He always has the mot juste.

Also, did anyone catch that
glorious moment when Nathan chose Ven and Ven said, and I quote: “Good choice.”

Dude. Kanye West called. He wants his ego back.

Anyway, the cleverly named Team 5 and Team 6 (they've just stopped trying at this point) went like this:

Team 5 is Christopher, Gunnar, Ven, Nathan, and Fabio

a.k.a The Chiffonies

Team 6 is Alicia, Dmitry, Elena, Melissa, Raul, and Sonjia

Surprisingly high functioning hot messes

Back at the studio, the saddest
thing ever happens. They find Kooan’s giant, whimsical comb.

Apparently, in his haste to leave the show, he
has left his beloved comb behind.

So, as is often the case with these
team challenges, there’s a bit of misdirection.

Except for Gunnar sulking about
fabric choices, Team 5 seems to getting along famously. So they’re a lock to
win, right?

Meanwhile, Team 6 is a disaster
site.

First, they forget a bag of wool
at Mood.

Then, Elena is bossing everyone
around in that drill sergeant/Gordon Ramsay/Ukrainian dominatrix way of hers.

Then Raul decides that he’s so
awesome, he should do his own thing. And his thing is ruffles, bitches!

“Raul doesn’t have a team work
ethic,” says Elena. I agree. (*Runs off to vote for her for Fan Favorite*)
(JK).

So Team 6 is destined to lose, right? (Hmmm.)

I kinda love that Team 6 dubbed
Team 5 “The Chiffonies”—because it sounds like an fabulous Motown all-girl group
and also underscores a certain unspoken something about fashion—that men don’t
always know what women actually want to wear. For example, the last time I wore
silk chiffon to work was in 20NEVER.

(That being said, Elena singing
the “Silk Chiffonie” song in Christopher’s face was just flat-out rude.)

“Everybody hates Elena,” says
Dmitry. “Even if they say they like her, they hate her.”

Maybe my new couple to
ship is Dmelena! (Elenitry?) You can’t hate someone that much without a little
lust creeping in.

Actually, this was the episode I
kinda fell in love with Dmitry, because later he said this:
“I think Ven is a one-way monkey.” Then he kind of screwed up his face and
corrected himself: “I mean, one trick pony.”

One Way Monkey! Best band name
ever—or greatest band name ever?

At the photo shoot, Elena makes it
clear: She does NOT work with props. (Somewhat surprising for a dominatrix.)

And because Elena likes clean
lines and doesn’t like models to sit in chairs looking like they are taking
huge dumps, Team 6 does not use props.

Tension neck aches for everyone!

Runway time.

Joanna Coles is the guest judge.
She’s always good for at least one
Dismisses-Your-Entire-Design-Aesthetic-and-Possibly-Your-Entire-Existence ™
with one withering comment moment, so bring it on.

Elena is actually an amateur

Problem is, everything is pretty
nice.

Even Gunnar’s outfit with the
droopy boobs (“Two puppies wrestling in a sack” says Coles) isn’t really that
bad.

I did hate the enormous Grace
Jones shoulders on Elena’s jacket. And Raul’s ruffles confirmed that I only
like ruffles on potato chips.

This confused Heidi (and me): “He
should go home because he’s the strongest?”
No, Fabio tries to explain that he wasn’t going
to fall into Heidi’s “who’s the weakest of the bunch” negativity trap, so he picked the strongest link.

7 comments:

I do believe Elena looks a lot like my vintage Barbie Doll from 19somethinglastmillenium. Could we please have a challenge to design her a one shouldered black and white striped swimsuit? And high heels and black eye liner? Pleeeeze?

It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth with this recap! Like you said, I don’t know the last time I wore silk chiffon into my office at Dish; I’m thinking it never happened! And, also like you hilariously pointed out, this season has been nothing but one big stir of drama, and I love it! It makes for some great TV. Heck, my boyfriend has even fallen for the workroom catfights. He’d never admit to it, but someone has started recording episodes and it sure wasn’t me! I bet he thought I wouldn’t notice the mysterious addition to our DVR list since we record a million things a day with the loads of memory space we have available on the Hopper DVR. I’m totally ok with dating a Project Runway lover. LOL! My prediction for the next episode is that Elena goes home and Dmitry wins!

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About Me

Hi, I'm Max Weiss. You might know me from WBAL radio or WBAL TV. Maybe you know me from my days on Max and Mike on the Movies or as managing editor of Baltimore magazine. Maybe you don't know me at all—and prefer it that way. This blog will be sort of a clearing house of movie reviews, pop culture musings, deep thoughts, and reality TV recaps. Oh and pictures of my dog. Lots and lots of pictures of my dog.