Graeme Swann is a fairly sad individual

“With the heat and conditions here, it’s really brought home how hard it will be for us in the Test series”.

What a fucking shit hole, why the fuck are we here, why the fuck am I here. This is just gonna be the shittiest tour with dust up my arse crack at the end of every session. I wanna go home

“Sri Lanka are a fairly similar animal”

These browns are all the same to me. I cannot for the life of me figure out why the Empire would have ever wanted to colonise these bunch of goons. One set of goons is good as the other, really. God, I’m over this fucking heat.

“Monty is bowling beautifully at the moment and that bodes well because we need two spinners over here.”

Shittin bricks. Don’t tell me the shiek will get call up after asking me to come out all the way to this fkn dust hole.

“At this point in a tour it’s all about how the ball feels coming out of your hand”

Shittin more bricks. Fkn get me some water already. Oh god more wickets for the Shiek

Of course all this anger eventually culminated to “I wanted to kill Dilruwan Perera”, which is probably the only real thing he’s said all tour.