Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....

BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT

Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….

Ah, The Trees. The song makes me think of the Kurt Vonnegut short story "Harrison Bergeron", which presents a world where absolutely social equality is enforced by crippling those with special abilities so they are at the same level as the lowest common denominator. It's essentially a clever retelling of the "tall poppy syndrome", where people want to cut people with more money, talent, better looks, or whatever, down to size. I'm not sure if at the end the maples have arranged to have the oaks literally cut down to size, or if the maples' agitations have led to the whole forest being clear cut, but either way it's a clever jibe at those who nurse resentments and want to bring down those above them in some way.

I lived in a pretty big apartment complex when I was a kid. In one of the buildings on the second floor above the pool there was a party suite. It was a couple of rooms, like a dancefloor thing, and they had a room with a big tv and couches and shit. People could book this room for parties or whatever. Anyway, I hung out with a lot of kids in my apartment complex, and this rumor started to go around that there were porn channels on the tv in the party room. Me and my friend Tyler were very intrigued by this

The door to the party suite was always locked of course, but there was a third level above it, a sun roof sort of thing where people could sunbath, and attached to the party room was a balcony, and you could see the balcony from the sun roof. This one kid once claimed that the patio door was never locked, and that once he hopped down from the sun roof onto the patio, opened the door, and watched porn and it was awesome. This kid was full of shit obviously but we believed him

One day me and Tyler were chilling on the sun roof and one of us brought up this story and how awesome it was. We wished we had the guts to be like that kid. And then, it happened, I dared Tyler to recreate the tale, to hop down from the sun roof onto the balcony, and open the door for the both of us so we could watch porn together.

This was not my proudest moment. He fucking did it, he actually did it. He jumped down to the patio. Now the drop was only like 6 feet, not a big deal, but of course, the patio door was locked. Tyler was stuck. He could try to jump down from the patio to the pool level, but that was like 12 feet, and onto hard concrete. Tyler was scared, he cried out to me that it was locked and that I needed to help him. I fucking bailed dude. I didn't know what to do. I just went home and I played videos games and kind of forgot about it.

A couple hours later I heard a knock on my door. I looked through the peephole, it was Tyler, he looked pissed and had clearly been crying. I let him in, he called me an asshole for bailing on him, I couldn’t deny, he was right. I apologized, but I had to know, dude how the fuck did you get out of the situation? I assumed he jumped down like a fucking badass. It turns out that a maintenance worker unlocked the door and escorted him out. Apparently the maintenance worker heard crying coming from the balcony and went to check it out. Tyler said the guy didn’t even rat him out to his parents because he was crying so hard and he felt bad for him lol.

I still can’t believe I bitched out so hard. Thank god that maintenance guy was so cool

my dad took me and my younger (by 13 months mind you) brother to see Batman Begins when that came out in 2005, so I was like... 8. Well my brother was so excited to see it, he didn't want to leave the movie for a second to use the bathroom.

The dumbass pissed himself and I didn't even know until after we got home. Something I make sure to mention to every girl he's ever dated

Actually AR doesn't stand for assault rifle, rather it stands for the original manufacturer Armalite Rifle. AR 15 is semiautomatic and does't meet Federal requirements to be classified as an assault rifle.

one time when i was like 10 i was running through the hall of a church building after boy scouts and I ran into a door jamb face first. i broke my nose hard, there's still blood stains on the carpet in that room. it ended up giving me two black eyes which was good for halloween that year since i was indiana jones

another friend of mine went to thailand. before he went he researched online and found some sketchy forum post that said you could stay for cheaper than a hotel at this one obscure garden area. so he tried it out and it turns out it worked, even though it wasn't advertised at all. in this garden place there were various open areas with curtains leading to the next area, like a path. my friend stayed in the next-to-last area. unbeknownst to him at the time, the king of thailand was staying in the last area (reserved for royals). my friend woke up the next morning and saw a man walking through the curtain towards the exit, so he said "sup" and waved, the man nodded back. he later realized he had sup'd the king

So my friends and I were all hanging out, having a lowkey night, drinking and watching Archer. I drove over, so I wasn't drinking. Then, a few of our friends got a text from a guy in our major (we were all English majors at the time). He had invited them and anyone they could bring to his "Kegger and Yeager" party. He was notorious for throwing wild parties, always with a rhyming theme (Hipsters and Strippers, Mythical Creatures and School Teachers, etc.) and since we weren't doing anything, we decided to go.

Since I hadn't been drinking, I drove us. He lived a few miles from campus, on a dark street. Google Maps sent us to the wrong address, but it was just a block down the neighborhood, so we walked over.

When we arrived, before we even knock on the door (for courtesy before just entering, as you do at college parties) a man wearing a La-Laa Telletubbie costume pulls the door open. When he asks us who we are, we say we know the host and he stands aside and lets us in. When he closes the door, he turns back to his friend, a 6'5" bearded man in a plaid button-up. They'll be important later.

We do normal party things: awkwardly join circles and try to make friends, watch the host skateboard down his own stairs and put a hole in the wall, end up talking to just us in a circle in the basement.

One of our friends, we'll call her L, decided that she was too intoxicated, so she sat down against a wall, while we continued chatting. The bearded man from earlier, we call him the Lumberjack, thought this was a wonderful time to walk across the room and sit down next to L. He began talking to her but looked even more intoxicated. He was swaying and his eyes were completely dead. Not ready to chuck, but close to being ready. Seeing this, I decide to help L out, since she had a boyfriend at the time, and sat down on the other side of her, jumping into the conversation. Eventually, the Lumberjack left, slightly annoyed. [1/??]

We had a few more interactions with the Lumberjack, who, during my interaction with him in a hallway (just a simple chat about what I was studying), La-Laa walked by, bumping into the Lumberjack, which sent him in a drunken tizzy.

While we were hanging out with the host, his drunken friend on a study-abroad program from Germany told another of our friends that she shouldn't take any drinks from anyone at this party. At which point we all decided to gtfo.

As we were leaving, we were stopped at the door by La-Laa, who said "Hey, whose drivin' you home?" To which I responded "Me. I'm sober and DD." Which I was.

As we left the house, two of our friends were caught by the Lumberjack, who again asked him "Whose drivin' you home?" To which one responded "Andrew. He's sober. Goodnight."

As we were walking back to my car (which, remember, was about a block away), me and L had made it further than our two other friends. I glance back to see the Lumberjack and La-Laa standing at the doorway, yelling something incomprehensible at our friends, now walking arm in arm quickly. I turned back to unlock my car for L when suddenly, the two stragglers yelled "Start the car! Start the car!" I turn back to see them both sprinting toward me, the Lumberjack and the La-Laa chasing them.

We all dove into the car, locked the doors, and buckled our seatbelts. I put the car into drive, when the Lumberjack jumped onto my hood, laying stomach first, grabbing hold of my windshield wipers. When I told him to fuck off, he responded "I need to ask you a question" to which I responded "fuck the fuck off".

I try to reverse, but that's when I notice La-Laa, sitting criss-cross on my trunk. Scared and anxious, L calls the host to tell him that we need him to get his friends off our car.

While he's making his way to our car, the Lumberjack and La-Laa keep trying to ask me a question, but won't say anything or move until I roll down my window, which I wouldn't do. When the host finally arrived, he began to talk to them, coming over to my window to explain to me "They just want to ask you a question."

Finally, the Lumberjack shifted enough so I could accelerate and throw both him and La-Laa off without running them over.

One night we were out at a bar, years later, when we saw both the Lumberjack and La-Laa (out of costume). We asked them about that night but they didn't remember.

I think this story is a mess, but I like to tell it because it has no ending and honestly no real climax. idk. hope you enjoyed it. If you didn't, I understand. [2/2]