Christian poetry & essays about one woman's faith walk.

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Thank You Abba Father, for adoption.
For this way that helped us be a forever family.
Thank You Lord for every successful adoption story,
For each one brings You honor and glory.

Thank You Father for caseworkers, attorneys and courts,
For each has a job to do in each individual case.
Thank You Almighty, for each precious child,
For each tear they shed, the shy and the wild.

Thank You Jehovah, for each adoptive parent who exists,
Who opened their hearts and stepped up to care.
Thank You Abba Father, for biological parents too.
Those who gave willingly and those who had to be made to do.

Thank You Lord, for the system, though it may not always work.
Its intention is noble, it’s purpose for good.
Thank You Almighty, the I Am, for the example You gave,
By willingly adopting us the way has been paved.

Most of all Abba, thank You for my precious child,
Who calls me “Mama” and was born in my heart.
Though parenting isn’t simple or easy always,
You’ve given us what we need each and every day.
-dav 11/22/12. Revised 11/30/16.

Married ten years my husband and I finally accepted that God did not intend to give us children biologically. We had suffered through our third miscarriage and the heartache for me was heavy and suffocating. On top of this I had been through other health issues that made even trying to have another child ill-advised.

My husband and I discussed adoption with a lot of bad information. We heard horror stories of couples spending thousands of dollars and biological mothers backing out at or shortly after birth. Of biological parents coming back in the child’s later years and successfully winning custody of their biological children. We also knew first hand of adoptions from other countries that required thousands and thousands of dollars. We weren’t educated properly and it slowed us down. Which, in the end, was a good thing, but even the good thing could have been much better had we been more knowledgeable and known truth verses fiction in perusing successful adoptions.

Our youngest niece, the biological first born of my husband’s sister, had lived with us on and off since birth. Christmas of 2005 she, her mom, Alicia and my mother-in-law, Helen moved in with us again. Alicia was enlisting in the Army and Helen and Kiana were to remain with us until Alicia moved to her first duty station. All that changed.

While we were back in Alabama trying to make our custody of Kiana legal Alicia was in boot camp. It was a huge obstacle in our care for Kiana to not have Alicia present or for the county family court where we live to be able to contact her. Kiana’s custody was supposedly in Helen’s lap but it turned out there was no signed court order for that in Helen or Alicia’s possession. Additionally the Department of Children’s Services in Tennessee would not cooperate with any of us including the judge in our case himself.

Finally when the custody issue and my husband and I were her legal guardians the entire case changed. Alicia called shortly after she’d completed boot camp from school in Texas and asked me if we’d adopt Kiana. Alicia was pregnant and the father was a fellow recruit from boot camp who was also with her at school. They planned on getting married when school was over. What I suspected to be part of the picture we were not seeing was that her fiancé’ wasn’t thrilled with the idea of raising Kiana. It would be a few years before Alicia admitted that to me.

Meanwhile, Alicia’s second pregnancy was difficult, especially during the first trimester and the Army discharged her on a medical discharge. Eventually she, Helen and Paul ended up in her hometown and we went to see them around Thanksgiving. It was not a good visit for Kiana. Paul was not friendly to any of us and Alicia spent a great deal of time, when we visited Dollywood, crying due to Paul’s moodiness.

Kiana’s feelings of being responsible for Helen and Alicia’s happiness, which we’d been working on in play therapy, were overwhelming for her as she experienced them firsthand again. At the end of the day, when dark had fallen, we prepared to leave and Kiana’s heart was broken. She was really unhappy leaving her Mommy with Paul since Paul had made her cry, she was tired from being active all day. She was torn between the Mommy she loved and the Mama and Daddy she also loved. Even at four she recognized she felt safer with us, but the relationship she’d had with Mommy and Helen was what felt “natural” to her. It was a tough spot for a four-year-old.

The successful part of the trip was that we had secured Alicia’s signature on the necessary paperwork to have her parental rights severed. The battle before us now was the biological rights of the father.

Finding him was impossible. In order to avoid child support, in part, Tim and his new wife (he had not been married when he fathered Kiana) moved a lot and Tim changed jobs as soon as the Department of Children’s Services would locate him. Which we would find out only when no child support checks would arrive. Eventually the Alabama court agreed we could notify Tim of our intention to have his parental rights severed by means of public notification in his hometown paper after six months of no child support.

At last we were allowed to adopt Kiana and the legal battles were over. In the years she has been with us and since that one heart breaking visit to Dollywood, Kiana continues to see or talk Alicia or Helen. Kiana has seen therapists during these years to help her adjust to her life changes.

God choose to fulfill our desire for children through a family adoption. An unexpected but wonderful thing and a blessing I cannot begin to explain. Kiana is our daughter and I hate it when people feel the need to stipulate that she is our adopted daughter.

I do wish Chris and I had understood adoption better before delving into adopting Kiana in that knowing the laws and more of the how to do this and that would have been valuable information. That is one reason I advocate for adoption now. There are so many children who need families. Some of them may already be part of your extended family, as Kiana was for us. Some of them may live next door or down the street. Some of them in your city, county or state and some of them in another country, but they all have the same need regardless of where they are or where you are located, a safe and loving home.

If you are considering adoption or foster parenting get educated. Know the facts, resources and options. Options for adopt are many. Which will you choose to take to heart?

(From AWC-Part 2) “However it came to be, they wouldn’t be seeking a solution in a doctor’s office this they both knew for sure.”

Briefly closing her eyes Sarah reminded herself of the promise God had given her, He would allow them to be parents, in HIS time. God could not be rushed.

Sarah clung to that promise and exploring adoption with Kevin had provided them with much more fun and anticipation than they had thought possible. Yet so far they had not been able to find “their” child. There were so many children out there needing parents but both of them knew they were meant for specific children and so far, God had not given them the green light. Now the Christmas holidays were fast approaching.

With this holiday approaching Sarah found it to be particularly difficult to sing the hymns and Christmas songs about a baby Jesus and His mother Mary. The longing for a child seemed to triple in her heart and she prayed constantly. Reminding herself God always kept His promises she forged ahead.

She prayed as she shopped, as she decorated, as she wrapped gifts, as she cooked meals, laid awake at night, woke each morning and even as she showered. “Please Lord; please help me keep the faith.”

Kevin too was praying. He knew, though Sarah tried hard to hide it, how hard the holiday was for her. It was hard for him too.

The phone ringing early two weeks before Christmas caught Sarah in the midst of baking cookies for the widows Christmas baskets at church. It was one of the not-for-profit adoption groups they had applied with and had been approved as foster parents with.

They’d taken in four children over the last six months for brief periods before the children had been moved to other homes before too much bonding could take place as they would not be children up for adoption later.

If surprised at the number of adoption agencies, for-profit and not-for-profit ones they were stunned at the number of children in the United States who were waiting to be adopted. Sarah and Kevin’s hearts wept for many of the children they read about on websites.

The caseworker asked Sarah to look at a particular group of siblings who had recently became listed with the state as adoptable children. The picture that came up was of a group of six siblings. The caseworker had told her their parents had died in a house fire. A fire caused from their manufacturing crack cocaine in their homes’ basement. The children ranged in age from 4 to 14 and as Sarah studied their photograph she saw the weariness in their eyes.

The oldest, a girl who was dressed much like a boy, had a defiant look on her face that chilled Sarah to the bone and made her wonder what that 14-year-old was feeling. As much as this sibling group called to her Sarah was sure taking on six children at one time with such an age range and in a house that didn’t have room was not God’s will.

There was no point in getting the children’s hopes up knowing the local Department of Children’s Services would not approve them for six children. Still she and Kevin went to meet the siblings and Sarah felt it hard to leave them in the agency’s visiting room. The six had been split into four different homes and clearly the hour they had together was precious to them.

Reality couldn’t be denied. Kevin and she lived in a modest three bedroom house with one bathroom, it would not work for eight people. No way. Sarah tried to forget the sibling group and a new fear began to nibble at her heart.

Christmas was a week away and Kevin asked Sarah to sit with him by their tree one night after dinner. He’d turned the tree lights on and lit the candles she’d placed around the room, turning off the overhead lights. They sat on their sofa enjoying the quiet of the moment. Kevin spoke first.

“I’ve really been praying a lot more about God leading us to the right child in the right way to adopt Sarah and I know you have too.”

She sighed, “Yes, but mostly I’ve been praying He’d help me keep my faith in Him and the promise He made me.” She paused then continued, “And I have to admit there is one issue I can’t get beyond Kevin.”

“What?” He was surprised.

“What if I can’t love another woman’s child Kevin? No matter which child God brings into our lives?” Sarah confessed her fear.

“Sarah honey, you have a mother’s heart already. Of course you can love another person’s child! Where did this come from all of a sudden?”

“I was looking at that website with that sibling group of six on it and remembering what their caseworker said about how their parents died. Kevin, their parents were dopers. They used drugs and they made drugs to sell. They endangered the lives of their children by starting that fire that killed them. Why do you think the oldest has that hard look on her face? What do you think those kids have seen? Experienced? It won’t be easy to love kids like that.” The look on Sarah’s face was one of panic. “Kids like those six are going to need a lot of emotional support, unconditional love, a firm set of ground rules and who knows what else?

Kevin nodded slowly and interjected, “We haven’t even discussed adopting that sibling group seriously Sarah. And they can’t help who their parents were or what their parents did, kids like them and others need forever families in more ways than we can begin to name.”

“Yes, I know,” Sarah said, tears rolling down her cheeks, “but Kevin there won’t be a bit of either of us in a child we adopt. Not a bit of our blood or a bit of our flesh. Biologically no child we adopt will ever be ours.”

“You’re right but we know a bunch of people who have been adopted and it makes no difference to their Father.” Kevin smiled.

“Yes, but I’m not God…I’m not sure I can do this Kevin but I don’t see any other way we can become parents.”

“Let’s pray now Sarah, together. God is going to open this door. I just know it.” Kevin said, reaching for her hand.

Across town another group of people were praying too. They were praying about how to help Kevin and Sarah in a practical way.

(From AWC-Part 1) “…He knew she was praying. He just didn’t know how her prayers were about to change their lives.”

Sarai was unable to bare children for Abram. As Sarah read her story in Genesis she knew how Sarai must have felt. The intense longing to give birth to a child, a bit of their husband, a bit of themselves, a bit of their families; all blended together into a whole new human being. A little person who would grow and develop their own personality, their own unique self.

Sarah was glad she didn’t feel the pressure Sarai must have felt. No one thought she had to have a baby but she longed for one. Perhaps, like Sarai she should consider her and Kevin using a surrogate mother.

Reading the story of Sarai, Abram and Hager Sarah felt a deep awareness that this was not the avenue for them to become parents. “How then Lord? How? Is it not Your will for us to be parents?”

“Trust me my Daughter. You will be a mother. In my time. Trust me, it will be in my time.”

Not like Sarah and Abraham, Rebekah and Isaac, Rachel and Jacob, Hannah and Elkanah, or Elizabeth and Zechariah. Sarah knew in her heart God was telling her there was a way for her and Kevin to have a family but it would not be by opening her womb. She placed her hand on her flat stomach and it felt so empty, her heart felt hollow and she wasn’t sure she could bear the emptiness.

With a clarity that hurt so badly it felt as if actual knives were cutting up her insides Sarah remembered the miscarriages, three in all and she wept again for those precious babies she and Kevin would never know here on this side of eternity.

“Trust me my Daughter. You will be a mother. In my time. Trust me, it will be in my time.”

As she wept she felt God’s arms around her and she heard His voice assuring her He would make a way for her to be a mother, for Kevin to be a parent. He would do so, not by means of medical technology but by a way that would bring Him glory and honor. A way that would meet not just Sarah and Kevin’s needs but the needs of the children as well.

By the time Kevin had showered and dressed Sarah was downstairs cooking their breakfast. When Kevin reached for her hand to say grace Sarah held on just a little longer. Looking up she smiled as their eyes met.

It wasn’t just a smile she plastered on her face to help him feel better but a smile from her heart, lighting up her face, shining from her eyes. That and the words she said next actually caused his breath to catch.

“Kevin, God has promised me we will be parents. He didn’t tell me how or when just that He was going to make a way.” Sarah released his hand and her smile broke into giggles at the look on Kevin’s face, “Ah sweetheart, I’ve not gone around the bend, He is just asking us to have faith in Him.”

Kevin nodded and felt his own spirit relax within him. He’d have to make this as serious a cause for prayer as Sarah, Kevin knew that, but he also knew God had nudged his heart yesterday when they had left the doctor’s office with Dr. Moran’s news weighing on them like the world’s troubles. However it came to be, they wouldn’t be seeking a solution in a doctor’s office this they both knew for sure.