Anxious 2nd Grader

My ODS started 2nd grade today. Yay! Unfortunately, he started crying in the car before we even left the house saying he didn't want to go to school, he won't know anyone, he's tired, he's scared, the list went on. He calmed down before we left and I was hopeful that he was going to be able to hold it together. We left early so we'd have plenty of time. We got to school and went to check out the class roster, he knows at least half the class. We went and walked by his classroom then went out to line up. I've been totally positive, it is going to be great, I really believe he got an AWESOME teacher... She came out and met each child and their families. She welcomed us into the classroom. She asked the kids to find their desks and ODS took a while to find his then came over to me and just started to cry and was heading for the door. I tried to stay calm. The teacher talked to the families a little and then the parents all left, then she noticed ODS... She recommended that we take a little walk and come back. I took him outside and tried to again encourage him, the teacher is super wonderful, his friends are in the class... Being nervous is normal, but you can't "run away." We tried a few more things and the teacher finally told me to just go, go quickly... He was crying and she was holding him back so that he wouldn't run out the door... How's that for a first impression? Let alone a memory of your first day of school... Ugh!

ODS has had issues like this before, but never on the first day of school. I feel like it is getting worse. Last week he started soccer and at the first soccer practice he literally just hid his head in my purse and cried. I do talk to him about these moments in advance, I feel like I must not be saying the right things because it isn't getting better/easier. He did warm up after like 10-15 minutes into the soccer practice and ran out to join the team. I'm sure he would have got to that point today, I just didn't know what to do in that situation. I offered to sit at the desk next to him and wait until he felt comfortable.

Has anyone gone through this or something similar? Any advice? I just feel awful. I feel sorry for him and for his teacher...

Comments (7)

My son only went throught this at preschool recently (which I read was, typically, the last stage of separation anxiety), but I know that there are things that you can say and techniques that you can use to deal with separation anxiety disorder in older kids (not that your child has the disorder, but I would think that the same approaches would work). To me, it sounds like you have done a lot right. You were not anxious yourself (this tends to feed into kids and make them anxious) and you were positive about the experience. You have obviously helped him to be comfortable with soccer (as I am assuming that you have not had the anxiety issue again since the first time event?).

I would use some cognitive behavioral techniques, eg. figure out what his worries are, and give him more positive thoughts in the place of those worries. (Eg. if he thinks that he will never see parents again, then encourage him to think that "of course, my parents would never leave me"; if he thinks that something terrible will happen, remind him that this has not happened, and give him a new way to think about it). I would also suggest not focusing on this anxiety behavior, but focusing on and praising his coping skills. If his anxiety response gets a response from you, then he might be encouraged to continue. Do you do any relaxation activities? My son's preschool is really big on deep breathing techniques-- and these are actually great for adults in stressful situations as well. You have to practice, though, when not anxious.

Hopefully, it was just first day jitters (maybe some kids are just more sensitive than others), and things will get better over time. If things get worse or do not improve, then you might need to speak to the pediatrician. Some kids do develop anxiety issues and require a pediatric specialist for guidance. Since your son adapted to soccer, this is probably not the case. Hang in there! He might be a bit overwhelmed at first, but it is a good thing to face his fears in a safe and secure way with your (and teacher) support. I hope that the teacher has a good report for you when you pick up your little guy.

We actually go through variations on this every.single.year with ODD. While she hasn't cried at the school door, she wigs out for a month beforehand and will more than likely cry at least once duing the school day (although now that she's older she'll hid out in the girls room to do it) and at least once once she gets home.

We talk about her fears, practice things like introducing yourself to other kids, meet the teacher beforehand, etc. Other than that, all you can do is just ride it out. It does get better. We're much better off than we were in 1st and 2nd grade now that we're going into 6th.

Thanks! I'm totally into deep breathing to calm down, but I haven't tried that for ODS, that is a great suggestion. I think he works himself up and when he starts to cry that is when he tries to run/hide. I will talk to him about what specifically are his fears and try to address them specifically.

Thanks! I'm totally into deep breathing to calm down, but I haven't t...

Posted
08/12/2015

Thanks! I'm totally into deep breathing to calm down, but I haven't tried that for ODS, that is a great suggestion. I think he works himself up and when he starts to cry that is when he tries to run/hide. I will talk to him about what specifically are his fears and try to address them specifically.

I feel better... A little. :-)

Yes, pp had great suggestions. It is entirely possible your child won't know exactly what he is afraid of, or won't be able to tell you. Transitions can be hard. A few things I would stress with him is 1) It is ok to be scared. 2) it is ok to be nervous. 3) give him specific things to do if he gets scared/nervous. That way he isn't left with just feeling overwhelmed and not sure how to handle it. 4) It is ok to cry. And it is ok to not want to cry in front of your friends. Then discuss some times this happened to you, and how you would handle it.
Sometimes just knowing you aren't the only one who is scared can make all the difference. ((Hugs))

He had a good day. He said the morning was not so good, but after that was great. He really likes his new teacher and she sent a note home saying that he joined in and had a good day.

We also had soccer practice in the evening and he talked to his teammates about the first day of school. It was very cute. He had enthusiasm and said he can't wait for school tomorrow.

I like the idea of giving him ideas of what to do when he feels this way. I have told him it is normal to be nervous and that everyone feels nervous in these situations. I'm a little worried about doing drop off today... Although I think he should be fine. But you never know.

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