Why Are So Many Young Adults Living With Their Parents?

Young adults just set a new standard: For the first time since 1880, one particular way of living is more popular among young adults than any other—living with their parents.

Among 18- to 34-year olds, a greater percentage live with their parents than with a spouse or partner, or in any other arrangement. Just over 32% live in their parents' home, compared to just under 32% who live with a spouse or cohabitate with a romantic partner. The statistical difference may be small, but the historical trend is huge: In 1960, nearly twice as many young adults lived with a spouse or partner—62%, compared to just under 32% now. In 1960, only 20% of young adults lived with their parents.

The Pew Report that documented this first-ever reversal in the popularity of living with parents vs. partners devoted a lot of space to the question of why this happened. They trotted out all of the most obvious possibilities, but neglected one of the most intriguing psychological reasons.

First, the most obvious reason more young adults are living with their parents than with a spouse—many of them aren't married! One of the most significant demographic shifts over recent decades is the demise of marriage and the rise of single people. In 1960, 72% of American adults aged 18 and older were married; today, just over half are.

When I mention this statistic, and others like it, I get the same response—oh, people are just cohabiting instead. But the number of single people is growing dramatically, even when cohabitors are set aside. To quote the Pew Report:

"[I]n terms of prevalence, cohabitation has not become a substitute for marriage. Young adults are not simply less likely to be married; they are forgoing partners altogether, whether spouses or cohabiting partners."

But just because young adults are staying single in record numbers does not mean that they must therefore live with their parents. They could opt for another way of living that has grown in popularity since the middle of last century—living alone.

A place of one's own, though, requires economic resources, and not all young adults have those. Financial factors are especially important for young men:

"Employed young men are much less likely to live at home than young men without a job, and employment among young men has fallen significantly in recent decades…"

"Similarly with earnings, young men's wages (after adjusting for inflation) have been on a downward projector since 1970…As wages have fallen, the share of young men living in the home of their parent(s) has risen."

Still, even financially strapped young adults have options other than living with their parents. They could, for example, look for roommates, and some do.

The reason the Pew Report did not mention why living with parents is so popular now is a psychological and interpersonal one: Young adults and their parents like each other. If you can't imagine why they wouldn't, you are probably too young to have lived through the 1960s.

In a 2013 poll of parents of 18-29-year-olds, about three-quarters said their relationship with their adult child was mostly positive, and only two percent said it was mostly negative. Even more strikingly, when asked about the sources of enjoyment in their lives, more of the parents mentioned their relationship with their grown child (86 percent) than their relationship with their spouse or partner (75 percent).

The positive feelings between the generations seem to be grounded in the intimacy that comes with frequent interactions and knowledge of the little ups and downs of everyday life. More than half of 18-29 year-olds, and more than half of the mothers and even the fathers of grown kids that age, have contact with each other every day or almost every day.

Scholars Karen Fingerman and Frank Furstenberg underscore how different today’s rate of connecting is from the past:

“In 1986, about half of parents reported that they had spoken with a grown child in the past week. In 2008, 87 percent said they had. In 1988, less than half of parents gave advice to a grown child in the past month, and fewer than one in three had provided any hands-on help. Recent data show that nearly 90 percent of parents give advice and 70 percent provide some type of practical assistance.”

The new closeness is not just a side effect of a bad economy and it is not even something that can be pinned solely on the relatively recent ubiquity of cell phones:

“We first observed a shift in this relationship [between parents and young adult children] in 1999, when the economy was booming. Even before the cellphone era, many 20-something women talked with their mothers several times a week.”

…In the surveys of millennials and their parents, most were not living together. Perhaps that makes it easier for them to feel mostly positively about each other. But many young adults living with their parents also describe very fond feelings about their parents and their living situation. In a survey of 18-24 year olds who had never left their parents’ home, four out of five said that they never left because they enjoy living with their parents and even more said that their parents make it easy for them to stay. Move up to the next oldest group of grown children, 25-34 year olds, and include those who returned home as well as those who never left, and the sentiment is still overwhelmingly accepting. More than three-quarters say they are satisfied with their living arrangement.

Compared to parents whose grown kids have left the nest and never returned, parents whose kids have come back to live with them are just as satisfied with their family life and their housing situation. They feel emotionally closer to their grown children than they did when the kids were away, and they enjoy more companionship with them, too.

Naturally, the media, the politicians and the marriage-centric Psychology Today experts have been calling Millennials who live with their parents lazy and have a failure to launch.

What about these parents that have gone whole-hog into the real estate market and bought more house than is reasonable for 1 or 2 people? If one owns a 4 or 5 bedroom house who is going to live in that cavern? A reasonable solution is to fill it with one's grown children. That way somebody else can pay the water bill, mow the lawn and fix the dishwasher when it breaks.

1) A deteriorated employment market -- outsourcing, H1B and now automation have decimated the type of opportunities needed for entry level young adults.

2) Corrupt, greedy University administrations and an educational system that has little to do with actually educating. Along with predatory banks and student loans that lock kids into excessive debt before they have a chance to get started (see #1).

3) Laid back late Boomers and Gen-X'ers that are okay with letting kids have a slow ramp-up to life.

4) Millennials have learned that marriage is an evil trap and that modern life requires "traveling light". They are not in a hurry to further burden themselves financially by have kids, buying a house and all the other boat anchors of life.

I'm still in the generation where the idea of living with your parents is radioactive, but went to a huge (grad class 600+) suburban high school that was too apathetic to put together a prom, earning me a solid Gen-X status as well. >: )
My grandma lived with us when I was young, and she drove my parents CRAZY. As I became a teenager, she drove me crazy too, she used to pull up a chair to watch me read. Watch me READ. No wonder I became a privacy-obsessed adult who needs to live alone like I need air and water.
None of that is my point, however--my point is silly but I still need to say it. The expression "lives at home" drives me up a wall. Everybody lives at home! At least those of us lucky enough to have one. My mom's home is HER home, and if I were to move in with her, I'd be living with my mom, not "at home." I'm 52 years old, my parents' house ceased to be "home" in my 20s when I moved cross-country. It's one of those cultural expressions that makes me fee outside because it doesn't apply to me, and seriously, who does it apply to? My nieces, I guess, they're in their 30s and intermittently live with their parents.

I am 57 years old. I moved completely out of my parents home at age 18, and from that moment on, psychologically and emotionally, their home was "their" home - not mine. My home was wherever my career moved me around the globe. My home, as an adult, was where I was at any given time. I always wondered at people, who worked in my profession and being globally assigned, continually referring to their parent's house as their real home. It is as if they never could make proper a home for themselves psychologically, and seemed forever doomed to refer to their parent's home as theirs.

My daughter is 26, has a college degree, has advanced at her job and makes enough to live on her own. I am a little surprised that she wants to, (yes WANTS to) live with us. The reasons she gave me was what was the point having a separate place when she would be at our house all the time. Sadly, it's just as the author of this article has state...she likes us.

This comment is wonderful and so unlike what the media wants everyone to believe about my generation, so thank you.

I'm 27, engaged (fiancé lives on his own), also advanced at my job, make enough to live on my own comfortably, and have LOVED living with my parents and fur brothers since I was born.

We're Hispanic, so part of it is because of our culture where the gal stays at home until she marries. HOWEVER, a bigger part of it is because I genuinely enjoy my parents' company, and don't consider it fun to be with anyone besides them or my fiancé! (We're also against premarital cohabitation so I wouldn't ever consider/want to live with him until after we're married.)

They're great people who deserve so much. They won't ask me to pay for anything and will never take a penny (they believe parents are financially responsible--not the other way around). What's not to like--ahem, love--about them and my situation*?

*This has also allowed me to save PLENTY of $$ for when I'm married, and to learn how to live with other adults. I don't ask for anything and always go shopping or what I want with my own money. It's a great arrangement and I highly recommend it.

Again, on behalf of other Millennials like your daughter and me, thanks for sharing :)!

Thanks, Emma, for sharing your inspiring story! I interviewed a 4-generational family for "How We Live Now," http://www.amazon.com/How-We-Live-Now-Redefining-ebook/dp/B00P4348IS/?tag=wwwbelladepau-20 , and the 26-year old felt just the way you do

The US, although a beacon to immigrants from the Third World, is actually becoming economically like the Third World every day. Whereas a prosperous business climate requires adults to leave their family homes and become "consumers" of houses, household goods, and other items, the income to buy all these things is not present.

The subject of its absence is economic and political, but without considering what mindset caused this development, the discussion will remain incomplete.

I just turned 23 and will be graduating from nursing school in December. I might still live with my parents after graduation (the only reason I might not is because there are other people in the home who make it a bit more difficult to live with). There are many advantages to living with your parents and the biggest advantage to me is you get to save! You also get to spend money doing things you otherwise might struggle doing if you didn't live with your parents like travel. If it's less stress living with your parents than living in another situation I say why not live with your parents.

.... and another interesting part of the financial side of things is that, for some reason or other, pensioners (i.e. the 65+ year-old parents with whom the younger generations are still living) are that part of the population getting jobs (again) in the US currently, from what one hears outside that country??

There is a glut of adult men living in their parents home in Italy. They call them "mamone". The society considers it a crises in that young men expect mom to clean, cook and look after them on dad's dime while eligible women want no part of the lifestyle their mothers are living.

Sonny-boy is living large with no responsibilities and all the "little princesses" want to be free as well.

Any 'millennial' with a good head and solid work ethic will thrive magnificently given the lack of competition these days. If you find one---hire them fast!

I agree Liz because guess what mamma's boy is going to expect his wife to do in addition to earning money...all of the cleaning and taking care of him. It is like when a woman I read about thought she found the perfect guy because he was sharply dressed and had a clean house with home cooked food and then, one day, she went to his house and found his MOTHER there cooking and cleaning for him. Yipes! She ran because she knew he was going to expect her to coddle him like his mom.

2 reasons. Number 1, they cant afford it, for a ton a reasons. And number 2, living with parents apparently isnt embarrassing anymore. Growing up, women would laugh cruelly at any guy who was living at home. Now, kids dont like cars, they expect Bernie and Obama to give them free things, need safe spaces and have had their parents coddle them since birth. Why would they not stay in the nest and continue being babied until they are 40?

Marketing research into younger generations has found an astounding increase in the desire for a sense of security, escapism and convenience. These arenpinned as the three top defining characteristics of our youngest named generations. All of those reasons would surely make me stay at my parents while earning minimum wage; whilst waiting for my degree to be worth sonething anymore. Hate to be that guy but... Earlier generational arrogance towards the impact of environment and economy on a growing child 's perseption of the world... Is responsible for helpless, useless, young people!

I love the idea of my children sharing a house with me. I would expect them to act as adults and do their part as such, not expect me to keep caring for them as a child - but just us sticking together and taking care of each other like a family. Why would this be a negative thing?

Times have changed, people have changed, jobs have changed. But some people can't see beyond the end of their nose. Whatever they did in the past was the right way to live. Doing anything else is wrong.

My first job out of High School was at St Paul and over the next 5 years Iearned so very much. Seeing the hospital torn down tears a small piece of my heart out. The Daughters of Charity and the doctors and staff of St Paul Hospital will always be with me……
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I'm 29 and I still live at home but that is because I am paying half of my salary to my student loans. I don't understand the older generations rationale. Because they believe my generation is irresponsible if they don't pay off their loans. BUT then my generation is lazy if they don't move out of the parents house early enough. Those of us paying off our loans at a reasonable pace can't really afford to do both. It's one or the other.

Are people forgetting that, finances aside, there is also the idea that the parents live with the children? And I mean, if your parents own a house and it's one that is big enough and has sentimental value, why go out and buy another? Just have the parents step back and the adult children or child take over the household duties. There are also a huge amount of kids that have to either go back to living with their parents or not leave the nest because the parents aren't in good enough health to live on their own. The same idea of keeping the same house would apply in that situation.

My mother is controlling. Even as adults, she tries to control mine and my brother's lifestyle, beliefs, appearance and so forth. Therefore, living with her isn't a viable option. She drives me crazy enough from afar.

I continue to be bewildered by this 'blip' in history where it became culturally identified as 'healthy' and normal to encourage children and family to become separated from those we are close to. Now that the role of parenting has changed and kids are given more room to express their individuation from within the family relationship vs needing to exit to become their own person - why not? Seems to me this trend reflects a positive change in attachment patterns.

Boomers were raised by parents who told them everyday as they were growing up "I want you out of this house by the time you turn 21 Bucko..." The economy was strong, so that part was easy.

Then along came a new generation, starting in the late 70s and early 80s, that were parented differently. Now parents flattened the hierarchy inside the home and started a new conversation: "Hey buddy...don't get up...it's only 10:30...you can stay here as long as you like." And instead of mowing lawns to make extra money, Millennials built websites.

Parents became mentors, friends, career counselors and chauffeurs.

The same thing happened inside the classroom as Millennials could cherry pick their curriculum.

As the economy took a nosedive, Boomer parents lost their fortunes...so it was easier to live together...just like we did during The Great Depression in the 1930s.

History is repeating itself as 3-4 generations start living together. Not a good thing or a bad thing...it is just the way it is.

Many Millennials do NOT want to be burdened with debt or a child when the economy is so unstable...incredibly smart if you ask me.

Shortly after I got married, my father passed away leaving my mom alone with property to care for. I bought the house beside hers and lived there right beside her until she passed away. I didn't feel completely comfortable moving back in since I was married but if I hadn't been I would have with no hesitation. I think if you get along its a great way to live, share expenses and stay close to family.

The owners of apartment buildings don't care about you or me. They just want to extort you for your money until you are broke and evicted on the street and then beck with the folks because who wants to live on the streets? The dead silent government is to blame for looking the other way. 9/11 anyone? Or how about the war in Korea? Just kill off our children for a profit why don't we? Scum bags. Money is hard to get like gold, who do they think they to charge $1,600/month for rent? Money down the drain while we go to crappy jobs getting yelled at by employers, customers and employees alike just to give it to some old crusty man that own an apartment building? We need a real revolt, not just Obey T-Shirts.