The other day, Chris and I found out that we will be having a couple more visitors coming to town for our little wigglers arrival than we had originally planned on. We had known that my parents along with my sister and her husband were coming shortly after my due date, and now Chris’s mom and her husband will be coming to town as well. As exciting as it will be to introduce the little guy/girl to both sides of the family, I will admit that I started to feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of so much company at once.

Fortunately, everyone will be staying in hotels so we will still have a little space and time to ourselves to adjust. However, between the new-parent nerves, the lack of sleep, and the crazy hormonal changes I’ll be going through, we thought it was important to create a “wishlist” to ask of our guests to help us make the transition easier without having to worry about entertaining company. Here’s the list we sent to our soon-to-be visitors:

1. Please make yourselves at home while you’re here. We’ll show you were the dishes/snacks/drinks/etc. are, and if there’s anything you need and can’t find, just let us know.

2. We’d like to keep the dogs as calm as possible in the house. Therefore, if you’d like some playtime with them, feel free to take them to the yard or for a walk. I’m sure they’d love the special attention too since we’ll be focused on the baby!

3. When I’m in labour, we’d like privacy, both at home and in the hospital. Once the baby is born and has successfully breastfed and had skin-to-skin contact, we’ll invite visitors in. In our birth class we were told this would likely take between 1-2 hours, and new studies are showing this to be very important for newborns who don’t require immediate medical attention.

4. When it’s time to breastfeed or take a nap, we’d like privacy.

5. And last but not least, please remember that we are first time parents, but we will find our way. Please let us make our own mistakes, even if it takes us 25 minutes to buckle the car seat properly or 3 tries to get the diaper on right. When we need help, we’ll ask!

Chris and I feel so much better after putting our wishes in writing, and I no longer feel overwhelmed at the prospect of having so many visitors at once. Phew!

How did you cope with a new baby and visitors? Is there anything we should add to our wishlist?

76 Responses to Week 38: Preparing for visitors after baby’s arrival

I think those are great requests to make right off the bat! We have close and open enough relationships with our families that I knew we’d be able to make those kinds of requests as needed, and that they’d rarely if ever even be needed. We also had family living close enough that it was never more than a day-trip for someone to come and visit, so we didn’t have the pressure of truly out-of-town visitors.

I think you guys were smart to think ahead and make your expectations known – I actually think this is an even better idea than a written birth plan! Did you email it to the family members who will be visiting, or will you give it to them upon arrival? I would think giving them a peek at it ahead of time would allow them to plan ahead and ward off any surprises…

Jenny Atkinsonsays:

May 1, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Yes, we emailed it to the family in advance. I didn’t want to forget anything if we get caught up in the moment!

spiralingsnailssays:

May 1, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Visiting hours. I sooo wish that we had talked about that ahead of time. I heard my in-laws quietly arrive in late evening, but I was in bed trying to sleep and didn’t feel up to handling visitors. I just let my DH welcome them inside (after all, he was holding the baby so I could sleep a little, and the baby was who they really came to see). Given how late it was I assumed that they’d just peek at the baby and then go off to their hotels. But when I realized it was time to nurse and stumbled blearily out of my bedroom at about 10 pm, I walked into our living room – full of people staring at me. I almost turned around and went back to bed to cry. Needless to say, with my second baby we were a lot firmer about ushering people out when visiting hours were OVER.

Jenny Atkinsonsays:

May 1, 2012 at 4:38 pm

That’s a good one to add! Thanks!

Kingmomsays:

May 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I think your list is a great idea. I didn’t have much company which was nice. However, and this may seem trivial, but I’ve learned a lot of people don’t think about it….all visitors MUST wash their hands prior to holding the baby. Every time. Set the expectation up front. I greeted everyone with hand sanitizer but I may just be weird.

Jenny Atkinsonsays:

May 1, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Also a great idea. I’m actually thinking of putting a little sign up at the front door asking people to wash their hands when they arrive!

Katesays:

May 1, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I love this! I’m almost 33 weeks and will be stealing this to send to our family members. Thank you!

koolchickensays:

May 1, 2012 at 6:47 pm

I’m lucky I live on an island that’s between a six and twelve hour flight for our various relatives on each coast of the US. As soon as we announce the pregnancy I know our mothers are going to want to start planning their trip. I plan to head them off and make it very clear that we don’t want them visiting at all. My mother will cook and clean but my MIL will basically trash the place, monopolize the newborn, and expect to be fed and entertained. And we cant invite my mother and not her without it starting world war 3. We’ve decided it would actually be easier to hire people to cook and clean and once the baby is about 2 to 3 months old take them to the mainland so people can see them. It’s horrifying that’s what we have to resort to but you just have to do what works.

Jenny Atkinsonsays:

May 2, 2012 at 7:38 am

I don’t blame you! That kind of visitor would really stress me out!!

sarahsays:

May 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

wow I guess Im laid back, but I dont feel the need to send out instructions. Be grateful you have family who care enough to make the trip, some people arent so lucky.

Jenny Atkinsonsays:

May 2, 2012 at 7:37 am

I agree – I am very lucky that I have such a caring family. However, everyone’s family dynamics are different. My parents were quite happy with our wishlist (and both called to tell me so), and I really think if it makes us feel less overwhelmed, it was the right thing for us to do and in the end it will be better for our baby.

MonicaJo'sMomsays:

May 1, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I totally agree with Sara. and about the commenter not allowing the grand mothers to visit wow!
I wouldn’t dream of denying my mother or my mother in law a visit to my son.
Family is one of my top 3 priorities.
I’m lucky most people in our culture know that a new mom is a tired woman which means I had lots of help. Thankfully my mom lives close by and she helped me so much for the first month and half.

livvysays:

May 1, 2012 at 10:10 pm

My family would have laughed at me if I sent them something like that

koolchickensays:

May 2, 2012 at 1:40 am

MonicaJo’sMom, Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not just some evil woman who won’t allow my Mum or MIL to visit. I do have them out to visit me on occasion, and I fly out to visit them frequently. But I think it’s extremely unfair to ask me to deal with a newborn and a woman who thinks it’s acceptable to use my bed sheets as a napkin in some bizarre attempt to start a fight with me, among other things…

And I would love it if my mother could come out when we have the baby. But if I invite just my Mum, my MIL will start the “You’re not my son, I wish I aborted you” routine with my husband- again. And family meetings don’t get you very far when the person your trying to talk to is whacked out on Ambien 24/7. So yeah, I’m grateful for the distance.

Jobartsays:

May 2, 2012 at 4:06 am

Hahahahaaha, my family would kill me, too! My house was Grand Central Station, after the birth of my Daughter, and I expect (and welcome) it with the birth of our 2nd in 12 weeks! And as far as the washing your hands and sanitizing, everything, it’s good for a kid to get a germ or two, even in the beginning…..my doctor swears this is why for the first 3 years of my Daughters life…..she was only at the doctor for her “well” visits! And trust me….I dragged my kid everywhere!

Lighten up girls….this is a fabulous time in your life! I promise you, everything falls into place, you can’t be so regimented when it comes to infants, toddlers, preschoolers and so on….have FUN!

I’d kill to have my mom be here for birth of #2, but my sister has same due date with #1 and we are all sprinkled across the country. But I think this list is a good idea.

Michelle Huffmansays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:18 am

Not much of my family came to the hospital, aside from our parents and immediate relatives. Most people waited until we were home from the hospital. I didn’t mind much if people wanted to visit after we were home, but in the hospital, I honestly didn’t want to be bothered. While I wasn’t in excruciating pain the whole time, I just didn’t feel up to par, and wanted privacy & downtime. The only person I wanted there was my husband.

Betsysays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:19 am

This is a great idea having your wishes in writing – just be careful of really pushy (albeit well-meaning) relatives that will just do whatever they want anyway.

When our baby was born in December, I asked our out of town guests (which is our entire family!) to give us a week as a new family to bond before visiting, and that each side work out who was coming when – because we didn’t want everyone in the house at the same time. Well… after a complicated labor, some scary health issues with the baby after birth, and a serious bout of baby blues, my parents decided to drive to us without asking first – and it was the best thing for me. I didn’t need “help” as much as I needed support and love and the reassurance that what was happening was normal.

Any kind of planning is great for piece of mind before the baby arrives, but just be open to going with the flow afterwards… even when everything seems out of your control.

victoria spiveysays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:20 am

I’m planning on another c section and hoping this time that my baby will be able to be in the recovery room too unlike my last baby he was immediately taken to the nicu. But I have very demanding controlling family that don’t listen to what I want how can I ensure one on one with my newborn and husband without the phone ringing or family barging in our time? Due in 18 weeks I have nightmares about this .

Jenny Atkinsonsays:

May 2, 2012 at 7:31 am

Just let the nurses know what you’d like. They will happily be the “bad guys” and limit visitors and phone calls if that’s what you’d like! And just turn off your cell phone – your family can leave you a message, and don’t feel pressured to call them back sooner than you are ready.

Elsie Groenewaldsays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:21 am

I think that guest should know to be considerate!

We are pregnant for the first time, and I already know while in labour and still in hospital I would request only close family to visit.

For the first three months we have decided to limit visitors as much as possible as Baby still has to adjust to the new world and also to allow Baby’s the immune system to settle… Because they get so tired easily, we are also going to limit picking up Baby. At the end it is us, the Parents, who are going to suffer with a crying Baby after the visitors have left…

Whoever does not agree with this is welcome to go home. Our home; our rules. Gone are the days that I am trying to please people, just to keep the peace… We now have to take responsibility for a new born…

amysays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:22 am

Really on point! I might suggest adding a time for everyone to leave by, maybe 7 or 8pm. I had so many people over the first night home and I was so overwhelmed and felt guilty asking them to leave.

Dianasays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:24 am

I agree with Sarah, in my case my whole family is 3,000 + miles so I’m not that lucky to have them with me when my #2 arrives!! So just be gratefull that ur family wants to come and are gonna put up with that list which doesn’t make any sense to me…. Wish you good luck and just be happy that you have people that care about you!!!

alyshasays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:24 am

put them to work! for at least the first two weeks, you should not have to worry about ANYTHING except taking care of yourself so you can take care of baby. that means, if you need the trash taken out, make a visitor do it. if you have dishes that need to be done, make a visitor do it. if you need/want something to eat, make a visitor prepare it. if a load of laundry needs to be switched from washer to dryer, make a visitor do it. you worked hard for the past 9 months + however long you were in labor to bring this precious baby into the world for them all to marvel over, so the least a guest could do to thank you for letting them in your house to see your new baby is make you a sandwich or take out the trash. learning to breastfeed takes a lot for the first few months and that is what you need to be able to focus on, not things around the house. my mom taught me that one haha.

That’s great you have an idea of what you’d like to happen. My parents live in NJ and we live in MI but my mom was working in Ohio at the time so she was able to be in the waiting room (scheduled C-section). She had to leave Sunday night (Maya was born Sat morning) but she stayed in a hotel and respected our privacy at the hospital. We had a few friends visit at the hospital but really asked most people to wait til we were home. Two weeks later, my mom, ad, brother and sis came to stay with us (parents stayed at a hotel) and it was awesome because we’d had some initial bonding time and were beginning to figure this little person out. What would have been helpful to me would have been having help after DH went back to work a week after she was born. That was tough. Sleep deprivation, figuring out nursing, diapers, etc … just a lot at once. So if I could have changed anything it would have been having some help that week he went back to work.

Oh, I mean, she visited us all day at the hospital but left at night so we’d have privacy

beckasays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:33 am

I think its lovely to have the visiters, but I also think they should be aware of the fact that you are still going through the bonding period with yr newborn and need time alone as yr own little family. When my first two babys were born I was happy to see my whole family but if truth be told I was also pleased to see them leave because they did stay to long. When my first born arrived I could have screamed at my mother in law and grandmother in law (for all they are fantastic) because they always felt the need to tell me what they thought I should be doing because thats how it ws done in their day lol. Its confusing and I think you need to make yr own mistakes. I think the list is a great idea and I may use something similar when my third baby arrives in august x

Ashleysays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:34 am

I’m 22 weeks and I think this is awesome. I do enjoy being around people but I want to experience our first child with my husband privately. I am not scared to take care of our daughter on our/my own and I definitely don’t want people taking over! Washing hands is a must, visitors must help themselves to the kitchen, give us our privacy and leave when asked. I want family and friends to respect us as parents and not reach for our child without asking. I know some people wear their babies like trophies and want everyone to hold him/her but I have my boundaries and simply want and hope everyone respects them. I won’t feel bad about that and no other mom/dad should either!

River's Momsays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:36 am

I think the most important thing is that your spouse and you are on the same page. With baby #1 we weren’t. I was so afraid of offending anyone that I pretty much let them run roughshod over my wishes. I felt like crap was entertaining half the county in my hosptial room. And they took pics of me in labor. Which I didn’t want. I had some wonderful nurses that would have removed them but I couldn’t get a private moment to ask. I think communicating your wishes firmly and clearly is a great idea. I felt like it took longer to bond with my daughter because people simply wouldn’t give us time to do so. My nurses straight up told me that they would lie to my family about how long visiting hours were and take the heat if necessary if I wanted some quiet.

Andreasays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:36 am

Victoria – Most women don’t realize it but you L&D nurse is there to be your advocate. If you are concerned that your family will be calling and visiting when you don’t want then you can request to have the phone in your room redirected for as long as you like. They can redirect them to the desk. Also if it is important for you to have some alone time, let your nurse know. The most helpful thing you can do is to do as the blogger has done, lay out your expectations in advance, and then when you get to the hospital let your RN know your situation in advance. This can be kind of a verbal part of your birth plan. Let her know that you have family that can be difficult and you really would not like visitors during labor, 2 hours after baby is born etc. They, along with charge nurse and front desk can act as a buffer. Your birthing experience is a whole package kind of thing and as long as you aren’t a demanding diva, polite to your nurses, and communicative of your needs then most of the time they are happy to help you out.

amy hsays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:38 am

My biggest problem with visitors after having my daughter was that they would show up unexpectedly. It seemed like everytime I got her to sleep(which was no easy task) someone would knock on the door or worse just walk right in.
This time I have let everyone know ahead of time I will not be excepting unexpected visitors. I will have a 3 year old and a new born. I will not have any help adjusting as my hubby just started a new job and can’t take time off yet. I am also posting a letter on our front door to remind people that we aren’t taking unexpected visitors.
My husband hates the idea but he isn’t the one that has to deal with it.

Ericasays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:40 am

Thank goodness our new babies can’t give us a list of expectations on how to act around them when they are born… Can you imagine what that list would read? Can you imagine how hurtful that could feel?
“dear mom and dad,
As happy and thankful as I am for being born please respect my privacy. Please reframe from taking pictures of me at all hours, staring at me while I sleep, fumbling around learning how to care for me, etc”

Christinesays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:46 am

That is a great idea, and all your points are great! I wish that we had done that ahead of time. We had some hurt feelings because we didn’t let everyone know ahead of time what we were going to expect.

Aliynasays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:51 am

The “wishlist” is an excellent idea. I had given some forethought into how I wanted the first few days of my newborn baby girl’s life to run, my time spent in the hospital, and the first week at home. So when I headed into the +30 week territory, I talked to my husband about how he wanted those first few hospital days into the first week at home with our baby girl to shape up. We spent the next 9 weeks talking to, explaining, and asking our closest friends and family to give us some time to spend with our newborn. Most understood, some only wanted us to be comfortable and offered to help us out with little things around the house, and a few were less than pleased about being “forced to stay away from the hospital”. The point is, I stuck to my guns, my husband had my back, and because we did our time in the hospital was enjoyable and there wasn’t added stress for our first week home together.

samanthasays:

May 2, 2012 at 5:54 am

ok, here in holland its traditional to send out birth announcements which means the whole family visits roughly the first 2 weeks…its constant visitors day in day out which is not only tiring for you but bad for the baby…(dont forget everyone will want to hold her and wont give her back which is hard for their wee backs to take…so what a lot of people do is put in their announcement cards that between 12-3 and after 9, MUMMY and baby will be resting…dont over stimulate your wee one as its hard enough for them to get used to lights/noises (specially if they have young siblings)…give them a few hours just with them and daddy if not working. oh and dont be afraid to ask your mother in law to make a cup of tea or throw on a wash (i asked mine by saying would you do a wash for me cus im afraid the hubby will turn all those new clothes pink!) worked a charm….she is overbearing and sends me crazy but for some reason if you ask her to help they love it!

SharonMOsays:

May 2, 2012 at 6:00 am

I think your list is great. As others have said I would add visiting hours and hand washing. Also if anyone is sick they shouldn’t see baby period. I had to keep my own dad and sister away as much as it hurt me to do so. Luckily my family is great.
Some people have boundry stomping relatives (or in my case in-laws). If you are lucky enough not to please do not judge those of us that do for laying down ground rules. Your house, your baby, your rules, end of story.

mandasays:

May 2, 2012 at 6:02 am

Genius idea! We didn’t put it in writing but verbally told family that they were welcome for short visits while I was in labor, but were to leave the room when dr/nurse/midwives came in and also would he asked to leave when I felt I needed to focus. That part was easy. The arguments came afterwards when we were home and my mom decided I no longer had modesty or privacy and his mom decided to boss us around on how to soothe our baby. That last battle went on for a month. Finally dh took his mom aside (after a night spent at her house with a screaming 1 month old) because she kept knocking on our door and trying to tell dh to give the baby this, or hold him like that. Dh told her we weren’t teenagers who got knocked up and had no idea how to handle this. We were adults who planned and prepared, took classes and read books and had years of little-cousin-babysitting under our belts. She ended up in tears but finally left us alone. There’s nothing wrong with asking for privacy, especially if you know your family will be overwhelming. Not all families are that way, so not everyone feels the need to list their expectations. We never “denied” the grandmas access to their newest grandbaby. We just asked that they respect our space. Besides, the ONLY people a newborn needs to bond with are his PARENTS. Even if the whole fam-damn-ily is in the room, mama is the one who needs to be holding and cuddling baby for the first several hours (or longer).

Valerie Hsays:

May 2, 2012 at 6:13 am

I LOVE the list!!!
When I was pregnant with dd, we made it very clear that we didn’t want hospital visitors. Mil was told this numerous times, but still insisted she was going to come because she was going to see the baby………we firmly told her No, and she still insisted she was at least going to visit the hospital nursery to see the baby, until we informed her that the hospital allowed the babies to sleep in the parent’s room so dd wasn’t leaving my room. Thankfully, our hospital paperwork included a section on whether you wanted visitors and gave the option to be registered as ‘private’. The private status meant that anybody trying to visit or call the hospital would be told there was no patient by your name. Needless to say, I registered as the ‘private’ to keep the stubborn mil away.

Rachelsays:

May 2, 2012 at 6:15 am

I’m using your five requests as a draft for an email that I will modify and send out close to my due date. Thanks for the tips!

samanthasays:

May 2, 2012 at 6:20 am

oh and dont forget!!! anyone with a cold sore is a no no….no-one ever told me that a simple coldsore could kill a newborn! i luckily had a maternity nurse who saw it and told my cousin that while she had a coldsore she wouldnt be allowed to hold baby and should stay on other side of room (also no picking up of dummy/bottle/teddys or clothes)…i felt so shitty hearing that but rather that than my wee baby taking sick or dying from the virus!

I love the wishlist, and wish we had thought of it when our child was born 3 months ago. Like you, this is our first baby and we were inundated with guests both at the hospital and at home. In fact we still have people trooping in even now.

It is very overwhelming and I was quite stressed in the first few weeks. Next time round I’ll definitely consider making a wishlist.

Ivanasays:

May 2, 2012 at 6:33 am

Maybe I’m a little crazy to, but I think ppl should be grateful to have so many ppl around who want to love and spoil the baby. I think a lot of people clearly take that for granted. I get that it can be over whelming, I was 18 when I had my daughter and I lived with my mother, father, sister and brother. Ad all my fam lives basically down the street. But I think it’s a beautiful thing to see a baby have so much love and attention from so many people. Just my opi ion tough.

Jennifer Soderbergsays:

May 2, 2012 at 6:49 am

I wish we had thought of a list. I was very clear with my first son that no one would be staying at our house after he was born. My in-laws live in Minn and are terrible house guests! They were sneaky with my second son. Saying that they couldn’t find a hotel room (at the last min…way to plan ahead) My husband didn’t want them to not visit so he told them they could stay here…the only catch was that they were also bringing our 3 year old nephew. So our house was a mad house. My two year old, my newborn, me and my husband, my mother and father in law and a three year old. It was terrible. I wish I had been firmer with them about our no one staying in our house policy.

Rosiesays:

May 2, 2012 at 7:07 am

We had ZERO visitors at the hospital, which was awesome. Breastfeeding was rocky at first and I was happy to have the time to ourselves to bond and become a new family. DH’s family visited for a few hours on day 4 and 5 and then my parents came to stay (at a hotel nearby) shortly after that. Having my parents was a Godsend because I ended up REALLY sick and could hardly function. My parents are the jump-in-and-help type, so they did dishes, cooked meals, cleaned my house and did my laundry (which required a trip to the laundromat!). They got lots of baby snuggles in between feedings too, because I had a 104 degree fever and was on two different antibiotics and constant tylenol to keep the fever down, the only energy I had was to nurse the baby and go to the bathroom. Having clear expectations for your visitors is a good idea, but I personally only had our parents visit in the first month or so, so it wasn’t too bad. The next one may be a little different, since we live near ALL of DH’s family now….. maybe I need to list my expectations too!

sarabee05says:

May 2, 2012 at 7:29 am

OMG! This THE most selfish thing i have ever heard :O, i think is because my roots and culture where family(all of it) is the most important thing for us and is a blessing to have your parents and in-laws involved with your baby.

Elasays:

May 2, 2012 at 7:55 am

I sooo agree with @SharonMO… do not judge if you are lucky enough to have people around who are understanding and caring, not selfish like in other cases. I remember (politely) asking my DH’ family not to visit me (us) in the hospital and give us some time alone after coming back home (approx 2-3 weeks, early January, flue season etc. my fam is on the other continent, so no need to ask them this) – and what did they do? Came to the hospital, the very same day, late evening acctually (after me having an emergency cc), in the middle of me breasfeeding errrr I was so overwhelmed and mad. So hell yes, BIG YES for the wish-list and I would so add the points about visiting hours, washing hands and no-sick people. Some people just need to be told straight forward, otherwise they don’t think.

Nicolesays:

May 2, 2012 at 8:06 am

I was one of those mothers who didn’t want to have visitors. I am an extremely private person. My older sister is the opposite. She uses the toilet with the bathroom door open, and I close the door and make sure it’s locked. So you can imagine how private I was with trying to breastfeed and recover from a c-section. I also expected that no one would judge me for this privacy. After all, I was already judging myself.

I’ve heard stories where a mother or mother-in-law comes to stay and expects to be waited on while she holds the baby. Think again, grandmothers. Your job is to be there to help your son/daughter transition into parenthood without the demands of others. Boundaries are important. Respecting others’ differences is also important. But what I think is MOST important is to have the common sense NOT to become a burden and put the needs of others first.

Ashley Millersays:

May 2, 2012 at 8:57 am

I had visitors at the hospital. My aunt was on her cell phone the wholr time and people kept wanting to take photos of my baby with the flash on. My mil got there a few hours after I had given birth and did not turn her ringer off and it was very loud. I also had not been able to pee yet and she brought her fiance and it was all overwhelming. I went to the bathroom and balled my eyes out. MIL was already upset because she wanted to spend the first week of my childa life at our housw to help. She didn’t even raise her own son during that time. I told everyone to leave us alone during the first week because my husband would be home to help and we really needed to learn on our own. It was hard. Very hard but i would not have had it any other way. Everything that came after that first week was easy. I like to think of that time as a bootcamp or something. It strengthens and prepares you for parenthood. Oh and i met everyone with hand sanitizer until she was 6 months. She is 11 months now and still has not been sick.

Addy'sMamasays:

May 2, 2012 at 9:20 am

You mean you don’t want people staring at you while you navigate the confusing course that is breastfeeding? You want to get at least an hour or two with your brand new baby to bond immediately after birth?? And when the baby is sleeping you want some privacy to get some sleep yourself or, heaven forbid, a few moments alone with your spouse??? How dare you! (/end sarcasm)

I think your list is perfect – there is absolutely nothing unreasonable about it!

WOW! I’m not even going to take a side because I wanted things one way, they turned out another and in the end it all worked out! But really girls calm the frick down!!!! Dont you love that as a mom you get to do it YOUR way? that its your turn to make the choices and call the shots? That if you are someone who loves having everyone involved you can do that cause you are in charge? Well allow the same freedom to the woman who likes things a little more private and doesnt want to miss out on any of those first moments because they are sharing it with a million other people. Thats what they get to chose for themselves and its wonderful for them We all are so different, we all have way different mothers and mother inlaws so its easy to say the right way to do it but without being in their shoes you really have no idea!!! Enjoy your family and what works for you

Congrats on the beautiful baby girl and enjoy every second in your own way. It goes by so fast and you’ll miss it when its gone

Mirandasays:

May 2, 2012 at 10:26 am

I am wondering if the people who commented in a negative way to this have ever had a baby?! I can’t believe i even read the word SELFISH!!! Lol!!! I am 36 weeks pregnant and already know the overwhelming flow of visitors i will have at the hospital!! But after a exhausting 3rd trimester, and who knows how many hours of delivery, or a painful c-section I’m going to want time for all 3 of us to adjust and rest, not get bombarded by what may feel like the fricken papperatzi taking a million of possibly embarrassing or just unwanted photos. The list is a terrific idea!!! They’ve waited 9 months to meet baby……..this is our time as new mothers and fathers, a few more hours, or a day won’t kill them to wait!!!!

Tmlsays:

May 2, 2012 at 10:30 am

I don’t think that people care only of they insist on visiting you. Family and friends who’s care about you will also understand that you need some time and privacy. If one decides to make a list of expectations, then family should care about it and respect it.
I personally believe the first two weeks are for baby and parents to bond and adjust to changes. I will not be invIting anybody other than my immediate family to visit us during that time period. My MIL is staying with us for a few days and that’s enough help (and distraction, lol). There will be plenty of time for our baby to meet everybody!

My daughter and her husband have requested NO family or friends for 2 weeks. Of couse that means no hospital visitors! They want that time to bond and become a family. She called me to make sure my feelings wouldn’t be hurt. I think this is a great idea! It may sound selfish, but I think it is the best thing for them and the baby. Since my children left home for college, I have made it my rule that I give no advice unless requested. It has It has provided the opportunity for them to share many situations knowing that thry can vent without me interfering. If your children want help – they will ask!!!!!nimaly

Daniellesays:

May 2, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I kind of regret having so many visitors in the hospital room because for the baby’s first two days of life, I got zero sleep! And I didn’t even get to hold my baby that much. I was in so much pain, exhausted and totally disoriented. I think the lack of sleep was more detrimental than the pain. it was such a mistake. I should have been able to enjoy – and remember that time, but visitors ruined it.

Just read your article and “list”. Personally i would tell ppl to stay away for at least a month, yes come and see the baby, stay for an hour and then go home!!! you need your rest and not a bunch of noisy house guests!! i just had my mom come to help out with the baby and the second time she came more for my older son….she stayed for 2 weeks both times, til i was back on my feet….utterly ridiculous for all those ppl to put you out when you really won’t be up to entertaining….i never know where ppl’s heads are when they do stuff like that!!!

Jennifersays:

May 2, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I think it is a great idea! To all the people who say she is being selfish or to just be grateful and put up with visitors, obviously don’t have pushy, ignorant, or selfish family members. So to judge her is just plain rude in my opinion. Everyone’s situations are different. I for one, have a mother in law who hasn’t done anything for us our whole pregnancy, doesn’t like our name choice, complained about where I planned to have the baby, etc. She just wants to see the baby when she wants to, screw what anyone else thinks. I have a similar list going and I will not feel bad about implementing it when the time comes. If I am tired and I don’t want any visitors, then no visitors! Plain and simple. You did not have a baby to please everyone else around you. You had the baby for you and your spouse, so you shouldn’t have to please anyone but yourselves! Take as much time as you need, send people away who don’t call first, don’t be afraid to tell people to leave when you are tired…this is your time to bond with your new family. Your family should understand and if they don’t then that’s their problem.

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