Pippa Middleton, As You’ve Never Seen Her Before

OK. Look. We loved the royal wedding. We watched obsessively, we tracked outfits, we followed up on Pippa Middleton ass worship. But there is such a thing as taking it too far, ladies, and this is it: an artist in the UK recreated the photo of Pippa from behind, holding Catherine’s train, in a large-scale piece of art made entirely of crumpets and jam:

The Huffington Post reports that the whole thing, which also featured a replica of a picture of Pippa’s face, took 24 hours to put together, and required the use of 15,000 crumpets and over 100 jars of jam. It now spans 42 by 66 feet.

So, perhaps I’m not alone in wondering…why? Why crumpets? Why jam? And why this snoozer of an image of Pippa’s ass, and this vanilla replica of her face? Pippa has a lovely rear, and a lot of people like it, but it’s not exactly one that redefined backside beauty, like the image of J.Lo’s bountiful behind on the cover of Stuff Magazine in 2001. That was an image that possibly single-handedly brought big butts into the mainstream. Pippa’s is just another skinny rear end that’s been worked out to within inches of it’s life, one that I suspect will be forgotten within less than a year.

And that’s why putting in this amount of work to commemorate it seems perhaps a bit excessive, and while we’re at it, also perhaps a bit misguided. If you’re into crumpets and jam, why not feature an ass that has clearly been the beneficiary of such goodies? A J. Lo, or a Kim Kardashian. Otherwise, it almost seems like an insult to both the baked goods, which haven’t been appreciated by the muse, and the woman who has clearly been avoiding them for such a long time.