Always The Bridesmaid Of Satan

Eli and Denise [IRL] got married on Friday Aril 1st, 2011. It was a beautiful ceremony, well deserved by two of my favorite people on the planet. Josh was the best men [a title which he was claiming well before he even knew Eli] and Alex and I were the groomsmen.

During the wedding rehearsal the priest deputized Josh as his honorary deacon for the night, meaning that Josh would hold his book of spells or limericks or whatever while he assisted the happy couple with their putting on of matrimonial jewelry. He actually called Josh his “Deputy Deacon.” I was so thankful that he did this during the rehearsal, because I doubt my belley laugh would have been as appreciated or tolerated during the actual ceremony. I was also thankful that he said it again during said ceremony, so that as many people as possible could be privy to Josh’s new (and forever) nickname. All together now, “Godspeed, you Deputy Deacon.”

The events depicted in the panels above are merely the first few moments of the post-deputized-by-The-Lord scenerio that Josh, Alex and I came up with immediately after the rehearsal. We ran from the stage and into hall and began weaving a tale of skies as black as sackcloth, bleeding moons, portals to the underworld, winged serpents with the heads of hawks and the darkest of incantations that came out of mouths not as sounds but as living flame. Again, SO GLAD we had a rehearsal. I had to get that shit out before the big day.

The newlyweds are honeymooning in Vegas right now. Hmm… any Vegas FB’s want to show them a good time? Maybe hit up Eli on Twitter. Anyway, I was extremely honored to be a part of Eli and Denise’s wedding, and proud to be able to stand with my friends and collectively say, “Yep… these two guys are pretty great.” Here’s to them and their new, beautiful life together. I’ve always thought the family you choose means as much, if not more than the family you are given. The people in that room, in those fancy uncomfortable clothes are truly my family.

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24 Comments

Yeah, this is why the Orthodox church doesn't want me comin' to Divine Liturgy anymore.
They actually believe his holiness puts up forcefields to keep the heathen out…and if you've ever watched Asian movies w/ the undead, where they stop them by slapping a glyph on their forehead that's written on a piece of paper…yeah, I'll just stop now.

So looking forward to 2012….the end of the world, not the movie that made it feel that way. 😎

Congratulations, Eli and Denise! Very funny comic. Never let Josh touch another Bible, Torah, Koran, or any other holy book again. Joel, as a geek, I would have thought you'd draw in Green Lantern rings for the comic ceremony, but that's just my opinion. Way to go, you Fancy Bastards and Deputy Deacon!

I love the whole quietly mock the church during services game. When our first friend got married, one of our guys had a black suit with a fire red shirt and tie, I'm the only other one who knew he was going for the whole Satan CEO look.

Also at my mothers funeral, part of me wanted to fall down and start screaming that it burns and talk in tounges. Most people there would have been insulted, but she would have loved it and laughed her ass off.

Mort: Hey Joe! Have you seen my puppy?
BJ: Weep, ye slatterns, for the judgement of the Beast is nigh. Seven, and seven times again shall blood be made to run as molten ash from the fiery mount. And his coming shall herald the end of light, the last of time, the ultimate suffering. Contemplate this on the tree of woe.
Mort: Well, I'll be dog-gone!
Did you know? — You can avoid the Emmaculate Slaughter by applying lamb's blood to your doorway.