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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

For the first time on this blog, I am going to start with a sincere apology. Boston Red Sox, I am sorry for doubting you.

I had no faith in you at the start of this year. To be fair, on paper, there wasn't much to be excited about. At best, I figured you would be lucky to finish 3rd in your division. I laughed at the thought of this team making the playoffs. After the debacle of 2012 and that dipshit Bobby Valentine, I figured this year may be slightly better, but not by much. I wanted a rebuilding year, which for most teams in the Red Sox situation at the time, probably would have been a good idea. I lost faith in the Sox.

Assclown.

When this season started, you started winning, and I'll admit it kind of caught my attention, but I found myself waiting for you guys to cool down and come back to earth. I will say that I was not alone in this thinking, as attendance was down and that ridiculous Fenway sellout streak finally came to an end. People were pissed at this Red Sox team. The Fenway Faithful were now the Fenway Doubtful, and it was with good reason after how terrible last season was. This 2013 team was off to a fluke of a hot start. No chance they keep it up. I was waiting and waiting for them to cool down while they kept on winning and winning to prove me wrong. The whole beard thing was starting with Mike Napoli and what seemed like a combination of a Johnny Damon meets Duck Dynasty ripoff has now become a weird sort of facial hair rally-cry.

Looked like Jesus, Threw like Mary.

This team who I thought would be abysmal has turned things around and become the darlings of Boston once again. The Sox haven't had a good playoff run in a few years now, and it just feels right having them back in the Fall Classic. Sox fans around my age are incredibly lucky to have seen two World Series titles in their lives, with the possibility of a 3rd coming up this week (please, God). It feels like 2004 again, with late inning heroics (Big Papi, Victorino, etc.) and pitching performances that we'll be talking about for years to come (Jon Lester, and I guess Lackey). This team is essentially the Impossible Dream 2. If Macauly Caulkin were to win the Oscar for Best Actor next year, it would be less of a shocking turnaround than this Red Sox team.

Boy was The Harp hopping when this happened.

All in all, I am happy to be proven wrong by this Red Sox team. The Sox have a chance to win the title at Fenway in front of their fans for the first time since 1918 when the likes of Bullet Joe Bush, Sad Sam Jones, Dutch Leonard, Hack Miller, Red Bluhm and some 23 year old named Babe Ruth beat the Chicago Cubs in a game that was under 2 hours (side note: those names were all real and all awesome. They just don't give out names today like they used to). I want to party like it's 1918. Sure, a parade of Duckboats may have replaced some Horse and Buggies trotting down Boylston St., but Boston still likes to party and this would be one for the ages. This World Series title would be one of the most surprising ever, and I mean, who doesn't love a parade? It almost makes the year of Bobby V worth it.

Bullet Joe Bush loved Flappers

It still doesn't make sense how this team got to where they were. Maybe it was not having pressure going into this season due to low expectations. Maybe it was the drive to prove people wrong. Maybe it was the need and desire to make this city proud once again, even after tragedy hit it a few months ago. Who knows what the reason is, the point is that it has worked. They have shocked people and proved early doubters like myself wrong, and I'll gladly admit to be wrong (for once). No matter what happens these next few nights, this team did something special for this city. You never know what can happen each year, which makes baseball awesome. Back in 1967, the Red Sox were coming off of a terrible year in which they finished in last, and then made it to the World Series and shocked the world. This team gave fans what is now referred to as the Impossible Dream. This is no doubt the Impossible Dream 2. Let's just hope they finish the job and win it all. I guess it goes to show that even after a year of misery, and with low expectations present, you just have to keep the faith.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Every now and then I like to just get away from writing in depth about random life stories or how the Dave Matthews Band sucks, and I just want to make things short and sweet, while covering topics in pop culture. About a year ago, I came up with the Pop Culture Smorgasbord and it was kinda fun. After Pop Culture Smorgasbord II was a success with my friend Annik helping me out, it kinda hit me that I might be on to something here. Without further ado, here is Pop Culture Smorgasbord III.

Gravity hit theaters a little while ago and seems to be a super smash hit for the box office. Don't know much about this film, but from the trailers it seems that after being tired of being named the "sexiest man in the world", George Clooney tries to become the "sexiest man in Space" while Sandra Bullock has some trouble breathing, probably because she's in space with George Clooney.

In Space, he looks like John Stamos.

Breaking Bad came to an end a couple of weeks ago, meaning that in about 6 months, hipsters everywhere will finally be able to do meth again.

Suzanne Somers went on the Today Show recently and shocked her fans and viewers when she talked about how she has sex twice a day, every day at the tender age of 66. In addition to her grandkids being on suicide watch, millions of people across the country asked the question "Who the hell is Suzanne Somers?".

Hailie Mather's was recently named homecoming queen at her high school. As someone who came in 3rd place during the 2007 East Providence High School homecoming voting, I really can't say I'm shocked. She's probably the most popular girl in school, you know, because her dad is the greatest white rapper not named Vanilla Ice. On a different note, how intimidating must it be to be Hailie Mather's date to homecoming? I can't even imagine picking up a girl as a 17 year old before a dance and meeting her father who happens to be Slim Shady. I think the only dad more intimidating than Eminem in this scenario would have to be Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Agreed.

Carly Rae Jepson has been quiet lately. I think I can speak for all you reading this by saying that I am anxiously awaiting the follow up to Call Me Maybe, so we can finally find out if the guy called or just texted her saying that he thinks she is very nice and he's flattered but he has a girlfriend at this moment.

Lady GaGa released the cover art for her new album, and it's pretty terrible. She's kinda naked and there are weird shapes and what I think is a bowling ball involved, yet it still is way more sane than her last album cover with her head on a motorcycle. Dammit GaGa. Get your shit together.

Utterly Disturbing.

Sad news for everyone who believes in love: Kris Kardashian and Bruce Jenner have split up. Was anyone upset by this? In my personal opinion I'd like to have a reality show of Bruce Jenner living the single life. Talk about quality television. That man deserves an automatic pass to heaven for dealing with that family. The Kardashian's just can't catch a break these days. I'm sure Kris Kardashian would be crying if it were physically possible for her to do so after all the facelifts she's gone through to basically look like the same age as her daughters.

After writing the previous paragraph, it hit me how the Kardashians are relevant in today's world: These reality TV shows wouldn't be possible without Kim Kardashian making a sex tape with Ray J. Kim Kardashian was only kind of famous because she was rich and friends with Paris Hilton. Her family is rich because her dead father was one of OJ Simpson's lawyers (not his lawyer, one of many lawyers. He wasn't even the main one, because that was Johnny Cochran (RIP)). OJ Simpson needed a lawyer because he killed his wife. So basically in addition to being a murderer, OJ Simpson is the reason we are all living in a world that for some reason embraces the Kardashian's on TV. God. Dammit.

While we're on the lines of mindless TV, my roommate Matt got me watching a couple of episodes of Duck Dynasty. It's actually not that bad. Turns out that instead of following around the lives of rich, moronic rednecks, this show follows around rich rednecks who are actually good businessmen. Who knew. Not me.

Stephen King wrote a sequel to his horror movie The Shining called Doctor Sleep, which follows the little boy as a grown up with a drinking problem dealing with his weirdo powers. Anyone who knows me that I am not a big fan of The Shining because it scared the bejeezus (spelling?) out of me and kind of scarred me. Makes sense because the use of axes freaks me out, little twin girls freak me out, and people who talk to their index finger freaks me out. This is also why Fozzy is my least favorite Muppet.

Nightmares.

Somehow, this "What Does The Fox Say?" song has become a super smash hit. If you thought the "Show Me The Car Facts" Fox ad campaign was bad, just wait a few more weeks until they start ripping off that song.

As much as I don't want to, I have to address the Miley Cyrus twerking disaster: Most girls start stripping because their dads either weren't around or were super protective assholes to them. Miley Cyrus most likely did this because her dad had a mullet for far too long and wears way too much denim.

You brought this upon yourself.

I've been noticing a few commercials for Machete 2 which will be in theaters soon. It is interesting to note that Charlie Sheen has chosen to go by his real name of Carlos Estevez in the credits of Machete 2. Trying the same luck to revive his career, Emilio Estevez will be credited as "Charlie Sheen's Brother" when he reprises his role as Coach Gordon Bombay when the 4th Mighty Ducks movie comes out

An elementary school in Long Island recently banned all balls during recess in addition to tag, meaning that Dungeons & Dragon's has a younger target market all of a sudden.

Nirvana released the 20th anniversary edition of their final studio album 'In Utero' a week or so ago. Kurt Cobain has been dead for almost 20 years, and Courtney Love is still somehow making money off of him. Dave Grohl must be pretty happy too, as his "other band" still seems to be relevant and making him money.

I'm not sure when it came out exactly, but I recently read an interview with Kel Mitchell about how he hasn't spoken to Kenan Thompson in years, as they stopped being friends after they both tried out for Saturday Night Live and only Kenan made the cut. This is unsettling news. As a 90's kid, hearing about a feud between Kenan and Kel is the only thing that closely resembles a divorce for kids whose parents have not divorced.

Simpler Times.

Lots of hub-bub for this "Orange is the New Black". Never seen it, but seems really weird that a tanning salon has it's own show.

Big fan of the commercials for Dodge Durango featuring Ron Burgundy. I personally think that more fictional characters should be peddling products. Why not have Brad Pitt and/or Edward Norton start selling Dove soap? I'm sure The Big Lebowski could help boost sales of Kahlua. When hover boards become a real thing, which I hope is really soon, I don't think you can get anyone other than Marty McFly to help promote them.

Sold.

Finally, Katy Perry's "Roar" song makes me long for her songs with more complex lyric and themes, like being a California Gurl. Then again, Lady GaGa's new single is about how much she likes applause and how she loves it when people cheer for her. I have to relate to her in that sense: I only blog in order to be retweeted these days.