facebook-relationships &laquo; WordPress.com Tag Feedhttps://en.wordpress.com/tag/facebook-relationships/
Feed of posts on WordPress.com tagged "facebook-relationships"Fri, 18 Aug 2017 05:20:05 +0000https://en.wordpress.com/tags/enhttps://xxfactor.wordpress.com/go/relationships/the-marriage-certificate-loc/
Fri, 10 Feb 2017 07:29:26 +0000IdeaSmithhttps://xxfactor.wordpress.com/go/relationships/the-marriage-certificate-loc/Yesterday evening I got stood up by a friend with the excuse being the spouse. The spouse is also a friend so this means I have been stood up by two people. Whatever was going on between them, they decided it was okay to go back on a word given to me and waste my time. The excuses were in place. But there is a pattern in this particular case. I just got fed up of seeing it, when (as I realised), it had nothing to do with me but still impacted me. I tweeted the following:

Marriage really does become that political boundary between people, turning them from friends to people needing security checks and visas.

I can see a lot of single people nodding their heads at this while the coupled-up types bristle and prepare to call me names. The worst part about this? There are two of them versus one of me. Never mind that they also have the world on their side before I even speak. I am after all, just that annoying unmarried type Who Doesn’t Understand, Her Life Is So Cushy, What Problems Could She Possibly Have?

Last week I had an upsetting argument stemming from the following Facebook post:

“This is for couples who flaunt their love on Facebook, then go suddenly quiet after the break up. You need to tell us exactly what happened. We invested a lot of time, likes and comments on your pictures and posts. We need closure as well.”

I cannot even begin to explain how entitled, how selfish and disrespectful this is. But I’ll try so bear with me if this is basic (it seems to need to be spelt out).

Nobody on Facebook is required to share anything with the others.

No one is required to offer up palatable, perfect stories for other people.

You may be entertained by what people share but they are not required to entertain you.

Facebook allows you to Mute people, if you do not like their posts.

To compare what a couple invests in a relationship, to other people’s likes and comments is a horrible trivialisation of emotion. You may not like how a story ends or you may find yourself mildly irritated when a story you’ve followed on TV gets terminated abruptly. Does that really compare with the relationship ending? And given how devastating a break-up is, is it worthy to make a joke of it?

Earlier this year, I found out from Facebook that a friend died. I do not know what the circumstances were but given that he was young and had posted vacation pictures just a week earlier, it must have been an accident. A week later, his mother put up an update requesting people to stop calling to ask what happened because it forced the family to relive the trauma.

Do we forget that there is a human being at the other end and not a reality TV star performing for our entertainment? Yes, I think we do, on social media. In the latter, I’m sure a lot of you agree that making those demands was insensitive because we all dread and fear death. In the former, what happens to married/coupled-up people? Do they believe that somehow they are immune to the vagaries of emotion? Does marriage/comittment give them iron-clad protection from the devastation of separation? We all know that is not true. Then why, why are they so cruel, so judgemental?

The person I had that argument with, believed that I was shaming their happiness. It’s true that I said a lot of strong things, including comparing their attitude to racism. But neither is the calling out of racism, nor is protesting this joke about shaming another person’s privilege. Yes, that’s right. I said privilege, not happiness. Being in a secure relationship is a privilege. For someone in a position of privilege to make fun of someone who doesn’t have that, in a difficult time like a break-up does not strike me as funny at all. That is why this is no different from racism, for me.

I also understand where this attitude comes from. A lot of married people don’t think relationships and emotions are really ‘serious’ unless they’ve been granted the social-legal sanction of the marriage certificate. Apparently a break-up is trivial, a divorce is not. Domestic violence, abuse, rape, cheating – all of these the price to be paid for ‘having fun’; but they’re crimes if they come with the wedding label.

I know none of the people close to me (everyone referenced in this post is) truly believe this. Each of them has stood by me and shown more empathy than I’ve seen in married people. That’s part of what makes our friendships possible. And yet, just like with sexism and racism, there are worlds of unacknowledged/unthought of assumptions to be challenged. Till then, the marriage certificate is as political a boundary as the Line Of Control and human relationships across the border just as fraught with tension.

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Sun, 29 Jan 2017 21:02:26 +0000Goblin Queenhttps://lfoake.com/go/uncategorized/stopping-the-unwanted-flirting-on-social-media/I was part of a discussion on Facebook about “vague-flirting.” You know, when someone says something teetering on the line of “definite flirtation” and “possible flirtation.” You can’t call the flirter out on it, because it’s so vague that they can easily say, “hey, I’m just trying to be nice. I didn’t mean it that way.”

This is a bit off-topic from writing, but something that people on Social Media should probably keep in mind.

I hate to say it, but, this is more often a woman’s problem, though it does happen to men, too. Cue angry chicks. Sorry, but this is the world we’re living in right now. I don’t like it. I hate it, actually. But I’m not a fire-breather unless my people are threatened. I like living my hermit life with my nose in my books. I have a reputation of being kind and bubbly. I don’t like to call people out on petty things.

I can hear the feminists accusing me for being part of the problem now. Get over it. Not everyone is a fighter, but aggression is not the only way to make change. Ever heard of the phrase, “kill it with kindness?” It does work.

Anywho, my bubbly personality puts me in a place that makes me an easy target for men who are looking for some attention. Fortunately, I am happily spoken for. I love my man, and I show the world. Unfortunately, many of the men looking for attention don’t respond well to “kind rejection” or diverting the conversation away from what they’re after, and then situations like mine come into play. Keep in mind, this is an almost word-for-word conversation I’ve had several times.

Stranger: “You have gorgeous eyes. I love red heads.”Me: “Thank you so much. I grew them myself lol”Stranger: “Redheads with green eyes are my idea of a perfect woman.”Me: “I’m sure yours is out there somewhere :-) “Stranger: “So what are you up to? Are you alone? Can I call?”Me: “No, I’m not alone. I’m with my guy. We’re in the middle of writing, then we have a movie planned. But it was nice chatting with you. Have a great evening!”Stranger: “Can we talk later?”Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t really have a lot of time to chitchat all the time. We have books we’re finishing. Have a good night!”

I close my messenger, then I come back later to f*bombs and calling me names and telling me I’m not good enough for him anyway. Then, I block.

I use this example because it’s clear the guy isn’t just complimenting me.

There is a difference between kindly offering a compliment, and hitting on someone.

After some discussion with Facebook friends, I found I’m not the only one who’s had experiences like this. But, thanks to some changes in self-presentation I’ve adopted in social media, the majority of these messages have stopped. The change includes,

Making the relationship status known. (obviously, this is for those in a relationship, unless you want to pretend you’re in a relationship, which might work, too lol)

Make your relationship known at first glance of your profile. Featured photos, cover photo, or profile pictures can be used. I understand that if you’re a writer like me, you’re going to want to have your author picture as your profile picture, or a picture that shows off your personality and hints at your writing genre. But, if you’re being harassed often enough that it’s really getting under your skin, this will help keep attention-seekers at bay.

Include your guy/girl in your posts. I don’t mean it like you think. It’s easy. For example:

“I’m roadtrippin! WHOOO!” vs “We’re roadtrippin! WHOOO!”

Just changing your pronoun in posts talking about life is enough to tell people that you’re not on Facebook “as a single.” You can even do this if you are single and just want to lessen unwanted attention. The point is that you’re showing life is being shared with someone already.

As a “public figure,” I try to keep my relationship status clear throughout my time on social media, as I have had issues with stalkers and sexual harassment over the years. When Attention-seekers know there’s a big guy on my side, they back off. But, if I am still approached, just mentioning my guy helps me get my point across without tainting my reputation of kindness. There’s no being mean or being aggressive. My guy doesn’t even have to say or do anything on his part–he just has to be passively present in the life I present to social media.

Now, I’m not saying a girl’s gotta have her man to save her. Not at all. But presenting your better half in your life (even if they’re not on social media themselves) is simply an unspoken call for respect of a relationship…and it works for men, too! It’s letting others know that your better half is beside you- again, physically, and in heart. It’s a message that you won’t be participating in what Mr./Mrs. Attention-Seeker is looking for.

Hopefully, people will grow to respect others enough that this type of thing isn’t even a problem anymore. But, until then, I hope this reaches anyone who may be having issues in this department.

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Sun, 26 Jun 2016 22:10:02 +0000Kimberly Lhttps://skimpythoughts.wordpress.com/go/posts/relationships/remnants/https://26growingpains.wordpress.com/go/reflections/relationships/im-sorry/
Sat, 04 Jun 2016 23:00:20 +0000Abigailhttps://26growingpains.wordpress.com/go/reflections/relationships/im-sorry/
Recently I decided to make a ballsy move that lost me some ‘friends’, announced the destruction of a toxic relationship and outed someone via tagging them in a dramatic, cheating scandal on Facebook. The whole thing was totally out of character and I blame the number of times I was made to feel like a fool in private for the resulting public demonstration of strong defiance.

I’d love to tell you I’m sorry, I’d like you to know that out of all people, I was the first to believe it was petty battle to start but I was shocked to find myself in the position I did very quickly after. But I’m not sorry…Within an hour I was expecting to be deleting the status and apologising to everyone I knew for being so bold, within an hour, I had quite the opposite situation and I’m entirely thankful for the people in my life that I’ve met as a result.

I sat in a bar as a friend bought me a drink and listened to me rant for what could be the hundredth time about my very, very, very ex-boyfriend and the entire details of how he’d manage to demonstrate his moral compass at church camp and dive into easy vagina, having just the day before booked a trip to Amsterdam together. I say this all with a sense of humour now, but honestly, the irony is not lost on me at all.

Don’t get me wrong, when we were together I didn’t feel like this at all. But we had to be physically together, apart it was the emotional equivalent of dropping off of a cliff. The craziest thing about this whole situation is how it still feels like I’m talking about two different people.

When he was present, he loved me entirely. When he was absent, he loved me sometimes.

And there’s the problem.

I only knew what he wanted me to.

I did not expect to be getting a barrage of messages from girls telling me how I was brave for outing him publicly, how he deserved it entirely, and how he had gotten away with the same thing repeatedly as breakup’s had been dealt with in private.

So, I ask as a social vigilante (that was meant to be an insult?), and someone who won’t be able to hear the name Robyn for a while without remembering all his plans for the future, what did he learn by keeping things private?

He learnt that the words ‘I’m sorry’ were words he should use when he wanted to get out of trouble, I’m not sure he has ever genuinely felt sorry or if he even knows what it means to be sorry.

What has he learnt by it being public?

I hope he’s learnt that the reason he’s been lucky enough to have incredible, talented, beautiful and passionate women in his life is because he pretended to be a better man.

Something I doubt very much he will ever be.

That being said, I would love to say goodbye to this whole chapter in my life where I let someone blindside me and abuse my trust, my heart and my intelligence.

I’d also like to thank him, for putting me in the position where I adventured to my first country by myself and put on a brave face, got lost, found myself again and started to fill my life up again with everything I ever wanted.

I’ve always wanted to travel by myself, but if I’m honest, I probably wouldn’t have ever made that first step by choice. I’d got wrapped up in my comfort zone and I’m pretty sure it would have been a while before I thought about just booking a plane ticket and now I’m already planning my next adventure and a journey back.

So I’m sorry, I’m sorry I tricked you into thinking I’m sorry for what I’ve done to him….

I’m sorry to my past self, for letting someone get the better of my judgement, for letting them convince me I was in the wrong for not trusting them, for being with someone who had no right even being in my life and mainly I’m sorry because I made space for someone else in my life before I made space for myself. I’ve been so busy, I forgot what it was that I wanted. I needed this reminder that I am a strong, hard-working, passionate woman who needs to start putting herself first.

I’m also incredibly happy about the timing of the new Beyoncé album, making the week after a tyranny of lemonade references and Game of Thrones for marking the weeks off for me.

All jokes aside, I’m entirely thankful for everyone I had around me in the following week for making sure I didn’t cry too much on his behalf and reminded me that no one deserves to be treated like that. Every day after got easier and better and I genuinely think it’s down to the beautiful people I was surrounded by. All that being said, I won’t give up any more of my time or energy even thinking about someone who doesn’t deserve me, and I’ve learnt a few lessons about myself in the process of learning things about someone else. Don’t become a secondary character in your own story.

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Fri, 03 Jun 2016 06:55:29 +0000colonjacqueline18https://colonjacqueline18.wordpress.com/go/uncategorized/how-to-use-facebook-to-connect-with-other-people/The world we live in is increasingly becoming more and more electronic. It is possible to have friendships that exist only in the virtual world through social networks, message boards, and chat rooms. Twelve-step groups, therapy, and church services can all take place entirely online, as well. It is an interesting phenomenon that has its place: people who, for a host of reasons, are not able to be socially successful when physically around other people, are now able to have meaningful relationships.Everyone can benefit from learning how to use social media to help foster relationships both in the virtual and physical worlds. In this age when time is scarce, online resources give many of us a chance to connect with friends and family in an immediate way that we might not be able to do in the physical world. We need not wait for the class or family reunion; it is happening right now online. Here are some ways to use Facebook to build better relationships.1. Friending
Friending someone is often as easy as locating them with the Facebook search engine. Type a friend’s name into the search box and wait for the results. Click on the person you think is your friend and it will take you to their personal page. Even if their profile is set to private, there will probably be a profile picture, a location, and possibly a list of some pages they have liked, groups they are a part of, or where they have attended school or been employed. To “friend” someone, click on the “add as friend” button at the top of the screen. You may also send a personalized message to them along with your request. To make sure this is the person of your acquaintance, add a message like, “This is Tom from Royal Pin Bowling.”Once you have “friended” someone, their updates will post to your news wall. You will be able to look in on their lives as they post about what they are doing, what music they are listening to, and what movies they have watched recently. Some people are lazy about friending. But to improve your social life, take the time to find and connect with people you know.2. The “like” button and wall posts
If you are interested in becoming an active part of your friend’s life, respond to their posts. You can “like” something they have posted, which gives them a nice sense of validation. In addition to posting messages to the general public, you can post directly to your friend’s wall. This is a little like a phone call or text message in its personality. It lets your friend know you were thinking of them specifically, and is a good way to keep a friendship’s momentum.3. Visit their page
It may seem like you can rely on Facebook’s news feature to let you know how your friends are doing. If you have a great number of friends or don’t check in regularly, though, you can easily miss out on what is going on in your friend’s life. Check their wall regularly, post to their wall, and respond to their posts. This will let them know they are on your mind and will keep you on theirs.4. Engage in conversations
You can keep your friendships peripheral or superficial by simply making yourself a presence in their Facebook world. If you want to deepen the friendship, start and engage in conversations both on the “wall” and in messages. Post things on your wall that will start conversations or even debates. Anything that makes your friends think and keeps them talking will deepen the friendship, as long as it isn’t rude or inflammatory. It is a good idea to have an interesting discussion about why people have gone into their field of study; criticizing people’s political choices will only alienate those around you.Friendships look much different today than they did years ago. It is possible to have an intimate relationship with someone you only contact through email, text, and social media. It is also possible to be estranged from someone you see every day. If friendship is something important to you, using every available resource, including Facebook, will benefit you and deepen your friendships, both virtual and physical.
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Mon, 19 Oct 2015 11:56:30 +0000The Quirky [Facebook] Diarieshttps://thequirkyfacebookdiaries.wordpress.com/go/relationships/lets-admit-it-facebook-is-our-virtual-dr-love-in-some-respects/With all the status updates and pictures that we post like and share on an almost daily basis on Facebook, one or two of those will be in the category of love. Whether we have been in those positions or giving this advice from a wheelchair critic point of view, we have something to say about love. Girls/women should or shouldn’t do this or that, guys/men should or shouldn’t blah blah blah, in a relationship this or that should or shouldn’t be done and so on and so forth and and and … Look at this meme for example:

Photo: Fcaebook

Is it right? Is it wrong? The woman who agrees will like and maybe even share the pic. That woman who is of the idea that a man’s money, cars and gifts makes him all the more attractive to her even if he doesn’t invest his time as well as the other perks mentioned above will scoff at the pic and scroll along. And then we have the woman who wants the full package for whatever reason. At the end of the day its all about individual choices.

And then when “Dr [Facebook] Love” strikes again: …

Photo: Facebook

I think this meme forgot to mention one more thing that came to the top of my mind when I read it; ‘no relationship is easy either’. Its a meme you’d send to your partner as some sort of peace offering to break the ice to an apology after a fight. Or maybe just to remind him/her that “we’re doing this no matter how tough it gets”. That’s the point of getting into a relationship in the first place right? To find “the one”? I’m just asking, I can’t give my opinion cause I know nothing about love shame.

Sadly some interactions are just that, interactions …

Photo: Facebook

Girl meets boy, they click, whatsapp each other nonstop the first day then oops, false alarm; connection dead! I guess that teaches us one great lesson, slow down to zero and look for signs of some sort of seriousness on his (or her) part before you invite your girls out for cocktails to brag about your new thing.

Photo: Facebook

And to the single girl who sees herself as a cat-collecting spinster in her sixties, the cat doesn’t want you either …

Relationships, engagements, and weddings are flooding Facebook news-feeds right and left. Which is totally beautiful and adorbz.

Source: mevans / Getty

HOWEVER, if you’re single, you get a few other “feelings” about all the hearts and PDA suddenly popping up on your FB. Especially when it comes to that bittersweet moment one of your friends gets engaged.

So without further adieu, The 5 Stages Every Girl Goes Through When Your Friend Gets Engaged:

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Tue, 15 Sep 2015 10:59:13 +0000Rachelhttps://radionowindy.com/go/vids/video-the-5-stages-of-crazy-every-girl-goes-through-when-your-friend-gets-engaged/https://womc.cbslocal.com/go/shows/partners-that-facebook-post-about-each-other-are-in-better-relationships/
Mon, 27 Jul 2015 18:04:27 +0000Beau Danielshttps://womc.cbslocal.com/go/shows/partners-that-facebook-post-about-each-other-are-in-better-relationships/Do you believe a study that says couples who post on Facebook about each other are more likely to be in a better relationship than most? Personally I get annoyed with a couples who constant post about each other, especially when the posts look more like private messages that can be texted or shouted down the hall.

Co-authors of the study mention that the social media postings are some sort of conformation that the relationship is real, “These publicly posted cues likely induced participants to perceive themselves as part of a romantic unit, thus cementing the relationship.” Personally I don’t need a Facebook post to convince me that I’m in a relationship. I actually appreciate my partner being more social media discreet, am I wrong?

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Thu, 03 Jul 2014 23:42:06 +0000cookiecrumbbloghttps://cookieandcrumb.wordpress.com/go/random-moments/random-moment-video-1/Rolling down the street, sipping on snow cones, and having a random conversation about Facebook. We wanted to share our random moment with you, this is video #1 so you know what that means…there will be more to come!

Enjoy,

~Cookie & Crumb~

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Sun, 27 Apr 2014 08:53:53 +0000emmasajihttps://ratedefor.wordpress.com/go/movies/251/Okay so after seeing a really suspenseful, borderline thriller looking trailer, I decided to bite. I’m going to watch Catfish and tell you how it is. All of the comments I’ve read have said that it would be a complete waste to reveal the big plot twist so depending on what happens I may or I may not….

…a lot of the reviews also said that the trailer is completely misleading…so let’s find out.

OMFG, first off, there’s not much to say about the actual movie and the way it’s carried out because it’s a documentary…so no effects or storytelling devices or anything.

Basically the plot is as follows:

Nev, a photographer in New York, was approached by an 8-year old named Abby who makes paintings. (his brother and their friend are filmmakers/directors and want to document their arrangement/relationship) Nev and Abby are in a sort of partnership where he sends her photos that she recreates in her paintings. Everything is taken care of through Abby’s mother, Angela; Nev either talks on the phone with her and e-mails Abby. They sometimes send him prints of her paintings. Abby adds Nev on facebook and then her whole family adds him, thanking him for being so supportive. Nev begins talking to Abby’s sister Megan and they become interested in each other, texting and calling multiple times.

Nev becomes really immersed in this family and his relationship with everyone.

Then…Megan posts a few songs that she sings. They search the lyrics and a song comes up and it’s very similar…but not quite the same. They search a bit more and find the exact version that she sang, revealing that it’s a previous recording and an actual “real” established song. (It has been featured on Season 5 of One Tree Hill. Listen here.) This alerts Nev to all the previous sketch behavior he never really noticed before

He has never been able to talk to Abby on the phone

Abby’s paintings are said to be all over town and in various galleries but her name is unfound when searched on the internet

Abby had supposedly bought a gallery but when Nev checked the listing, it was still listed as unsold and upon calling the realtor, he learned it was still for sale.

Since his brother and friend are in Colorado at the time, filming for a separate movie, they decide to investigate the family in Michigan. At Megan’s house, he finds his postcards with a return to sender, indicating that the person who lives at the house isn’t Megan nor do they know Megan. They drive to Angela’s house and surprise them and…..

Yeah! A lot of people think the entire film was fake because for one, why wouldn’t Nev and his brother have searched the girl beforehand? Two, it was awfully convenient that they would catch literally everything on camera. Three, Nev’s brother wanted to document him and his relationship with an 8 year old prodigy painter but why? There was nothing super outstanding or particularly interesting about their perceived arrangement. He took pictures, she painted them. So why would they be filming him?

Overall, I think the movie is definitely interesting and worth seeing. It’s not one of those films that you would necessarily regret either way but I would recommend seeing it. The twist is fucking SO UNEXPECTED. The characters are likeable and the plot will definitely keep you invested.

Warning: If you’ve seen trailers for the movie, you need to forget them immediately because, despite what they want you to believe, this film involves no animal abuse, no underground dog-fighting, no child exploitation, no extensive drug ring, no gang activity, etc.

3 out 5 stars for entertainment. The friends and side comments of people are pretty funny and obviously the mystery of Abby and her family is interesting.

If you really have no interest in watching this movie, then you could always read Wikipedia but I put the big reveal under the cut.

Okay, so basically Angela is Megan and she has been texting Nev and calling him (she uses a fake, breathy voice) and she also has been maintaining 15 facebook profiles, complete with events and pictures, etc. Angela and Abby are the only “real” people. Abby doesn’t paint. Angela does. She has a husband who has two mentally handicapped boys from a previous marriage. Angela loves her family but feels like she missed out on her chance to “be something.” One of the reasons she maintained the fake relationships with Nev was the friendship and the opportunity to paint things she doesn’t have access to in Michigan. (Nev lives in New York)

It’s all very sad and very…poignant.

Poignant because as sad as her predicament is, she chose it. It’s clear that she doesn’t necessarily regret the life she chose to live. I don’t know…it really shows the way your life can go. There are always choices and different roads your life can go.

Anyways, ponderings aside!! The picture of “Megan” was of model and photographer Aimee Gonzales who is married with two children in Canada somewhere.

Angela maintains a website where she sells her paintings (which are actually pretty decent)

And she is friends with Nev on facebook.

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Mon, 18 Nov 2013 13:45:51 +0000Jordan Nixhttps://jordannix.wordpress.com/go/random-wit/what-means-more/https://brendaleguisamo.wordpress.com/go/leadership-2/facebook-profile-comments-for-women-event-success/
Wed, 06 Nov 2013 05:31:33 +0000Brenda Leguisamohttps://brendaleguisamo.wordpress.com/go/leadership-2/facebook-profile-comments-for-women-event-success/https://rebounddogs.wordpress.com/go/single-parenting/has-it-really-been-two-years/
Thu, 24 Oct 2013 02:56:51 +0000Carly Ghttps://rebounddogs.wordpress.com/go/single-parenting/has-it-really-been-two-years/The other day, Ivy told me it was her sixth month anniversary with her boyfriend. I replied, “It’s been two years for Ryan and me.” She looked at me funny and said, “Two years from what? It’s not even a real thing.” She was somewhat joking but I could see her point. How exactly do you measure an online long distance relationship?

With tangible local relationships, the marker is the first time you meet someone at a party, or in an auto parts store (Ivy’s dad). Other times it’s the first real date, or the first time you sleep with someone if there’s been some ambivalence before then. With us, it was marked by the first time I heard his voice. It was our first call after months of emails and texts and Facebook messages.

That particular night stood out for several reasons. My second husband was getting married the next day so a friend took me out (long story, she was his ex before me) and we got drinks. Strong drinks as I recall. I had two and had trouble walking to the car. No, I didn’t drive. Ryan had called me right before our dinner and so I was a little giddy even before the appletinis. “I really like this guy from California,” I kept saying. Later that night when he called me back, I told him so.

“I really like you,” I said. Until then we had danced around the concept of a relationship, hadn’t said more than how nice it was to share emails. I don’t know if either of us can say for sure when we “knew” only that October 21st two years ago we said it out loud.

My mother said recently that it’s just hitting her I’m leaving. She assumed something would happen before now, no doubt my commitment issue would kick in, or I’d discover Ryan was a fraud or mean. But here we are. It’s a real thing.

I went to California a few weeks ago and as part of my visit with Ryan, we went to Santa Barbara for a third time to see the college campus I’d love Ivy to attend. Thus far, she’s still on the fence, meaning she doesn’t really want to go but hasn’t come up with a good alternative to stay in Massachusetts. I’ve assumed if I tread lightly she will follow along to the other coast and grow to love the sunny days and palm trees, the streets on grids and dry warm air, the mountains and blue skies. Yesterday though she brought home a brochure from a school up in New Hampshire. A pretty and very small school nestled in the mountains. I viewed their website and coincidentally it looks just like the college campus we live on now, half of which was sold to a developer who built condos on it. I wonder if she’s even made the connection. I can see why it makes her feel like home.

I would love to discourage her from it, to have a reason to say it’s not for her, which has been so easy with other colleges that are truly not right for her, but alas, this one is enticing. We are going to see it in November. I told her today I’d hoped she would love Santa Barbara as much as I did but it’s fine that she doesn’t. She’s not me. Ivy says I always hated hot weather and I’ve changed. I haven’t though. I’m just tired of darkness and gray skies and all the past bleakness both literal and figurative. There is a lot of good here, and people I will miss, but there is something about sunshine that draws me in, pulls me to the other side. Maybe it’s the newness or the brightness. I’m not the first person to run out west in search of dream fulfilment.

The leaves outside are orange and yellow and red, the air is cooling. Hood shipped five varieties of eggnog to our grocery store. Autumn is here and with it the beginning of college applications and life plans. It’s a time of decisions and acceptance and life changes.

The last two years went by very quickly. The fall will pass as fast, then winter, then spring, and before we know it summer will arrive. I don’t know what the next months will bring but I am happy with Ryan and look forward to more of this real thing we have going.

-Carly G.

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Tue, 15 Oct 2013 18:30:59 +0000emperorsearcyhttps://hotspotatl.com/go/searcys-trending-topic/have-you-ever-had-to-breakup-with-someone-youre-not-even-dating-searcys-trending-topic/https://thinkingsley.wordpress.com/go/film/the-noah-short/
Mon, 16 Sep 2013 17:11:24 +0000dankainhttps://thinkingsley.wordpress.com/go/film/the-noah-short/I watched this 17-minute film around three days ago. It made an immense impact on my ideas about our current generation and our reliance on interacting via the internet. The film involves themes which are vital to our web-based lives. They may seem to develop via a simple story, but the main character is a representation of the modern teen, or even the modern person.

An official selection of the Toronto Film Festival, The Noah Short is a study of how destructive our “beloved” social media can truly be. The short film exposes how dangerous the internet has become, how it controls our social lives and our decision-making. Everyone can identify with the protagonist Noah as he traverses the multiple platforms which have infected society, brought us closer together, yet created divisions so vast we may never remember what it feels like to be the presence of others.

I was witnessing a piece of my own life unfolding right in front of me. It is easy to empathise with Noah – his pain and his solitude in the sprawling black hole of the internet is manufactured by actions so similar to my own. The devilish voyeurism which has been spawned by the advent of Facebook has gripped me, as it has millions of other poor souls.

As Noah brings about the destruction of his relationship, he becomes trapped in the void of the internet which literally waves its dick at him – a symbol of its negative influence on us all. As a blogger how can I begin to doubt the internet? But I can, we all can and we all should every day.

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Thu, 12 Sep 2013 04:26:11 +0000Carly Ghttps://rebounddogs.wordpress.com/go/long-distance-relationships-2/adopted-families/Growing up I had a very small nuclear family. As the years passed and people left or died or drifted off, it grew even smaller. I have a brother but we haven’t spoken in many, many years and were never close. I have a sister on my dad’s side but I’ve only seen her a handful of times. In short, I never got to experience big famliy parties as a child. We didn’t have crowded Christmases or reunions. It was a fine enough way to grow up but I guess kids from smaller families always wonder how the other half lives.

When I met Ivy’s dad, when I was twenty-one and had been on my own three years, I was entranced by his family. He is the oldest of four children. I spent ten years with Ivy’s dad, and even though the marriage had to dissolve for a number of reasons, and we very rarely see him, I grabbed onto that family and never let go. My in-laws are still my in-laws even though I married and divorced someone else since then. That was almost a quarter of a century ago but when I think of family I think of them.

Though I’ve dated other people over the years, and most of their parents were terribly nice and welcoming, I’ve never gotten that same sense of permanence and warmth as I did that first time I went to meet Mr. and Mrs G. back in 1990.

Until now. About a week and half ago, Ryan flew me to Minnesota to meet his parents. I was excited to meet them, to learn more about Ryan. Till then I’d only met his little brother and his family in CA. Though that brother flew in for this impromptu family reunion, his sister from Indiana and her husband were there as well. Ryan’s older brother and family live within walking distance to the parents’ house in Minnesota so he was there as well as his children and some grandchildren. So many people, all in one spot, all family.

There was something familiar and warm about the house though, even before I walked in and met anyone. I have posted before, ad nauseam, about the sense of home I’ve really ever only felt at my grandparent’s house. I’ve had glimpses of it in other places but their house was always my haven and escape from anything or anyone I needed to run from. When I walked into Ryan’s parents’ house, with its paneled walls and hutch cabinets, collection of horror films and Twilight Zone memorabilia, I recalled many childhood memories of my gradparents’ place and hence became filled with a happy famiiliarity.

I was only there for a long weekend, as my vacation days are running out , but it was a very nice few days. I am reluctant to say fun. It was more than amusing. It was touching. One day Ryan and I took a road trip to a town where he had lived briefly as a child. Watching his eyes light up when he found his old house was truly wonderful. He circled the block round and round to see the house from different angles, to point out where he used to play, where the grocery store used to be. And what was even more touching was when he went back to his folks and showed his whole family the phone pictures. They laughed and reminisced together, and it was wonderful to watch.

His sister had created a photo album for his mother with family pictures from early childhood to recent times. I was stunned and thrilled to see a couple of me in there. Well, Ryan and me. She had scoured our Facebook posts to find pictures of us together so I would feel welcome, and I guess because she wanted the whole family captured in the book.

I wasn’t treated like a guest but like someone who belonged there. No pretense, no airs to put on. I simply squished into the corner of the couch with Ryan and held his hand, engaged with his family, and smiled as I thought about my future life.

If I have learned nothing else from all my failures and successes in life so far, it’s that families extend far beyond the biological ones we’re born into. At any time, someone can walk into your life (or onto your Facebook page as the case may be) and adopt you. And before you know it, you have a whole new family to welcome you with open arms. And don’t worry, I’m keeping the other ones of course, but you can never have too much love.

I was really afraid to ask anyone my questions so I’ve sort of been hinting around about it with my facebook friends who aren’t really friends. I mean I don’t actually know any of them in my real life. But my question is how do I know if the relationship I am having on facebook is real or not? I’ve never met this man and we have just been chatting through chat and stuff. I only know what he tells me about himself and I don’t know if any of it is true. But I know that he has other “friends” and I worry that he’s doing the same thing with them that he is doing with me. Basically we just play around and flirt a lot. It probably won’t ever be anything more than that since we live on opposite sides of the world but I’m really crazy about him and I really want to meet him someday and see if we can be something. What can I do?

Lonely and In Love

Dear Lonely and ILL…

I’m sorry to tell you that it isn’t a REAL relationship. It is a VIRTUAL relationship. And..that’s okay. We all come to the Virtual world for something that is missing in our real life. I came into it as a way to promote my writing and discovered that a huge part of me was missing and being fulfilled by my interactions with certain online personalities. I was also very deeply gratified to find that the one person who made me light up the most also turned out to be the one to whom I have given the bulk of my trust. We have met and are very happy together.

So please do not despair that this could ever happen to you. But first and foremost you really must get yourself together. Asking your fellow facebook friends whether or not they know that he is cheating on you is a means to an end. Vis a vis.,.the end of your online and possible real life relationship. You don’t really specify whether or not this particular relationship fulfills any kink for you and your virtual partner that is missing in your life. You also do not say whether or not he is married in real life which I suspect to be the case as it is so often. I cannot count on both hands and feet the number of people whom I have met who are so dissatisfied in their marriage that they seek what is lacking online. It is both a testament to the state of marriage as it is to the attraction of virtual play.

What seems to be missing most from your interactions with your partner is…trust. You cannot ever possibly know who he really is, what he really wants, or why it is to you that he turns to have his needs fulfilled. None of that really matters. Online relationships are more and more common these days. People are bored, tired, angry, unhappy, lacking their spiritual and physical needs being met and most of all very disappointed with how their expected lives have actually turned out. Some may not thank me for this, but it must be said that there is often a lot of work to be done in a marriage, or other relationship that many are simply too lazy or too tired to do. Then again, there are relationships that are beyond repair. You’ve tried everything and it never worked, but for reasons, perhaps known only to you, there is no way out. So you find an escape. A virtual one, since a realistic one is not possible.

It saddens me often. There are many women, many of my acquaintance, who are feeling exactly what you feel, but do not know what to do about it. My advice is always the same. You entered into this circumstance for fun, for escape. Enjoy it for just that and want nothing more. Because it is in the wanting that comes the disappointment, and very often following that is hurt. If it is meant to be, it most certainly will come about. If it is not, your best course of action is to guard yourself against that hurt and give only what you trust to give.

Emily

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Fri, 07 Jun 2013 20:09:41 +0000Mix96 Promotionshttps://kymx.cbslocal.com/go/technology/study-shows-facebook-causes-break-ups/Most of us can agree from the horror stories that we have heard that Facebook causes drama and even ruins relationships. But, now there is proof!

The News Bureau of the University of New Jersey completed research proving the breaking of relationships can be fueled by Facebook. Russel Clayton, a doctoral student at the school surveyed users between the ages of 18-28 were asked to “describe how often they used Facebook and how much, if any, conflict arose between their current or former partners as a result of Facebook use.” These results showed that the excessive use of Facebook affected their romantic relationships.

“Previous research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy,” Clayton said. “Facebook-induced jealousy may lead to arguments concerning past partners. Also, our study found that excessive Facebook users are more likely to connect or reconnect with other Facebook users, including previous partners, which may lead to emotional and physical cheating.”

He continues on to say that these problems usually occur in the beginning of a relationship. The couples he talked to had only been in a relationship for less than three years. The longer a relationship, the more matured it is therefore the risk is a lot less visible.

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Wed, 06 Mar 2013 05:51:28 +0000johnbohanhttps://thesocialmediaadvertiser.wordpress.com/go/uncategorized/social-media-and-love-how-social-media-changed-how-dating-works/Since the arrival of Web 2.0 a little more than a decade ago, social media has been playing an important role in people’s lives, especially with regard to human dating and courtship.

An infographic from JuliannaRae.com shows the role social networks play in the development of relationships, from dating to marriage and even divorce. According to the site’s infographic, which used Facebook as a primary example, 60 percent of Facebook users list their relationship status on the platform for others to see: those who are “married”: 31 percent; “engaged”: five percent; “in a relationship”: 24 percent; and claim “It’s complicated”: three percent.

Before the advent of social media, this is how dating used to work: two people would meet somewhere, talk, and exchange numbers. They would then begin dating, the getting-to-know-each-other part. After a few dates, if they really liked each other, they would become a couple. Everything was private, and the only time other people would know two people were dating would be when the couple makes it public.

The advent of social media made people easier to find, especially now that most social media and Internet dating sites out there have algorithms that automatically check a person’s compatibility with another person and able to connect people with the same interests, friends, or experiences. However, one of the downsides to using social media in dating and relationships is that social media is public, which means that every relationship mistake posted online can be seen by others, somehow making holding on to relationships harder than it used to be.

#2.) Only 3% of people say THEIR satisfaction is what matters most during sex.

The other 97% claim their goal is to make the OTHER person satisfied.

#3.) 48% of women say if they got REALLY desperate and the clock was REALLY ticking, they’d consider having sex with a friend to try to get pregnant.

#4.) 6% of men and 4% of women say they fell in love for the first time before age 10.

#5.) 44% of people say they’ve had a “friends with benefits” arrangement transform into an actual relationship.

And 33% say they’ve had a one-night stand transform into an actual relationship.

#6.) 48% of women and 38% of men Facebook stalk someone before a first date.

#7.) 5% of people say they’d find it SUSPICIOUS if the person they were dating wasn’t on Facebook.

10% say it would make a person MORE ATTRACTIVE if they weren’t on Facebook.

#8.) 16% of people have stopped dating someone because of something they saw on Facebook. The most common things are their date’s photos, a wall post on another person’s wall, or their date’s status updates.

#9.) 15% of people with BLOGS say they’re waiting until they get married to have sex.

#10.) 90% of people say it’s not okay to break up with someone over text message.

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Mon, 28 Jan 2013 03:15:11 +0000Carly Ghttps://rebounddogs.wordpress.com/go/long-distance-relationships-2/putting-down-roots/I was at work the other day talking to a coworker about my future relocation to California. She asked the valid question, “What if you move and it doesn’t work out? You’ll be stuck out there.” She’s not the first person to ask it. In other situations, that same thought would be crossing my mind on a daily basis.

I replied simply that, “Nothing will happen.” But even if it did, like if Ryan died which I can see as the only thing that would prevent a long future together, California is eventually going to be my new home.

When I was in high school, I’d readied myself to go to Salem State College. I’d planned and dreamed and breathed in the ocean air, mentally preparing myself for this new life. I ended up not going last minute (something I regret to this day) and stayed in my home town. Eventually I met my first husband and we moved around quite a bit, all within a 30 mile radius. Each new town I made my own, the best I could. I loved Middleboro. It was by far the cutest town I’ve ever lived in. I lived there for about five years. I never got to know any of my neighbors well, and didn’t socialize much, but that town … I walked to the Boston bus for years, in front of the town hall. The church was there, and Ivy’s kindergarten. Each summer I’d walk down the street to the local fair and watch fireworks. If it weren’t for the life troubles at the time, it would have been Heaven. In some ways I guess it still was. I loved the cranberry bogs and flat land and the undeniable charm around every corner.

After the divorce I moved ninety miles north to where I live now, on the New Hamphire border. It was for a man and I knew nothing about the town except that he lived there. It was scary and hard, but I was excited for the adventure. The relationship didn’t work out, and now we are strangers, but this has become my town, as if I was born here. The hills, and winding roads without streets signs, and the ski lodge, and the river that runs through all the local towns have become my mental backdrop to life.

So when I think of Simi Valley, I am mixed with fear of moving to a new place, but excitement over settling in to another life, one that will eventually become my own, as if I was born there. This time it’s different because I feel truly connected to many people here, relatives and friends, and even just the sights in the town. And sometimes I worry that I’ll never see another town that looks like this one again. But one time Ryan drove me to Ojai and that was a darn cute little village. I wouldn’t live there (too far from work) but it’s drivable.

As much as I’ve grown to love the duck pond near my house, both shining in the spring, reflecting leaves in the fall, or frozen over in winter, I will learn to love the orange groves, staffed with migrant farm workers. I’ll learn to love the palm trees the way I love the pines. And the mountains, well they are already a part of Ventura County that take my breath away.

I know this blog doesn’t touch much upon my love for Ryan. That’s evident by now. But this is more about the other side of relocation. Forging a connection, nesting in the new place, while missing the other one. I’ll miss the sound of plows overnight, and dog prints in the snow, but I won’t miss the cold, or spending all my nights and weekends alone. And trust me, there is something intoxicating about standing outside in shorts and a tank top at 8 am and feeling warmth on my skin, and finding lizards in the closet.

For now, I visit as much as I can, and I’ve sent a few things on ahead, moving in a handful items on a time. I’ve sent a jar of rain and some acorns, some fall leaves. With my next box I’ll send pinecones and (melted) snow. Little by little I’ll make it my home. Ivy will be in college, hopefully not too far away, in San Diego. Part of me thinks this is just like when she was six and we moved north, where I drove us toward a new life, car filled with our things and pets, toward an adventure. I guess it’s somewhat the same (though she’ll be eighteen and a half), pulling us both from what we know to start fresh. College and adulthood and a world so different from what we’ve known.

It’s all still a ways off, another eighteen months or so, but it’s on my mind, as Ivy grows older, SATs loom in the near future, and time rushes faster than I can track it. Each time I drive down the street I capture images in my head. Each time I meet with local friends or take the subway, I’m logging it all in.

Nothing will happen, and California is my future. But New England will always run in my blood.