by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
Holy crap - I'm older than SHAQ? I'M OLDER THAN SHAQ?
Geez, I have enough of a problem knowing I'm older than the Rock!
Hey, Chris Webber with the triple double against Dennis Rodman, huh? I
wish I'd seen THAT.
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 13 1/2 (+ 1 7/8)
TONIGHT: Live on RAW, anything can happen! The Rock STILL has nothing left
to lose! Kurt Angle puts it on the line against Chris Jericho! And once
again it'll be all-out war...WHEN McMAHONS COLLIDE!
TV-14-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Let's Take a Special Video Look at this highlight package - "Sister &
Brother" - "Problems" - mmmm, I see...yep....uh huh...okay...holy cow!
EXACTLY as it happened on Thursday! A CIVIL WAR!! A...well, go read the
SmackDown! report if you didn't see that show - that was then, and THIS -
IS - NOW!
Opening Credits, closed captioned logo and unintelligible lyrics
It's like the fourth of July except EVERYBODY also brought a sign! WE ARE
LIVE from the sold out Unnamed Arena in Parts Unknown (signs point to
Springfield, MA) 6.3.2K and you can bet it's time for some hot action...
...either that or talking. SKIPPY & WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW come out to "No
Chance in Hell." I have a feeling that of these two, Shane will do most of
the talking. "Let's get right down to business, shall we? Let me take you
back to last Thurrsday night - it was SmackDown! Now did the Big Show
crack Triple H over the head with that steel chair by accident, or was it
intentional? Let's go to the TitanTron and YOU be the judge. There it is -
Big Show coming in - you know, just setting up the Rock and OOH! Let's
take another look at that, perhaps another angle, and WHAM! Now was it an
accident? I really don't know. ["Rock E"] But one thing I definitely DO
know is that Triple H just moments later after that chairshot shoved me
down to the canvas in this very ring, let's take a look at that! This was
certainly no accident, I come in after Hunter's been hit off the bean, I
wanted to check out Triple H, oh, make sure he was okay, and he shoved me
to the canvas! Is that the gratitude I get for coming in, that's what I
get, I get shoved down by Triple H? You see, with Triple H - no no, you're
not like the Rock, no. You see, Triple H, with you it is absolutely
personal ...you could call it, unfortunately...a family matter. Yes,
Triple H, unfortunatley you are now, my family. With the Rock, it's
simple, it's clear-cut, it is just business. And boy, did I ever take care
of business, thus denying the Rock going to WrestleMania as the #1
Contender. You see, I said it before, I had to squash the Rock before he
started to elevate and dominate here in the World Wrestling Federation,
just as Stone Cold Steve Austin did. No, but Hunter, you see, with you
it's not just business, it is absolutely personal. And it's personal how
you connived your way into my family, and it's personal how you embarrassed
my father into leaving the very business that he created! And Triple H, it
is *absolutely* personal, how you brainwashed my sister into marrying
you...and now have her looking and acting like a cheap SLUT. So, Triple H,
*personally*, I am very much looking forward to WrestleMania, because at
WrestleMania, the Big Show will pick you up, eight and a half, nine feet in
the air, slam you to the canvas with the chokeslam, thus becoming the NEW
World Wrestling Federation champion. And Triple H, personally, tonight,
we're going to have a lot of fun because, Triple H, tonight, In This Very
Ring, I am personally going to enjoy you, taking on in a nontitle...call it
a 'Soften You Up' match for WrestleMania, because tonight, Triple H, you
will take on none other than...Rikishi." As if on cue, "My Time" starts up
and out walk TREBLE H & STEPHANIE ONO, arms over shoulders, Hunter with a
peck on the temple for his wife, they're all the way out, into the ring and
face-to-face. "You know, being my brother-in-law and all, it, it, Shane,
it really hurts me inside - it pains me to know that's how you feel about
me. I'm crushed, Shane...we're brothers - we need to be closer - but you
know, as far as WrestleMania is concerned... ["slut" chant] ...as far as
WrestleMania is concerned, ya know, it's a bit ironic, because everybody
knows that WrestleMania is the biggest show that there is, and it's just
kinda funny that at WrestleMania, Big Show, it is gonna be a long,
humiliating night for you when I prove to you and I prove to the world,
that at 7 foot 2, 500 pounds, you, Jack, are not even in my league."
Stephanie: "And as long as we're softening each other up tonight, if Triple
H has to face Rikishi, then Big Show, I hope you're ready, because in the
very first match tonight, you're gonna take on - one on one - Kane. And
Shane, as far as me looking and acting like a cheap SLUT...well, nothing
personal, but..." and she slaps him. Shane comes back with a trademark
stare - but that's it. H's music plays again and the Helmsleys take off.
Funny, nothing happening with the Rock? Well, segment ain't over
yet....hey! TERRA RYZIN signs in the crowd!
Earlier Today at the hotel, the Mean Street Posse dragged Tim White out of
bed and posed as room service to Crash Holly's room - with
heh-heh-hilarious results! Needless to say, Crash escaped with his belt
(in jammies) when Joey, Rodney and Pete ended up fighting amongst
themselves to see who'd get the pin.
Moments Ago, two paragraphs ago - Stephanie slapped Shane one
WrestleMania is presented by SNICKERS!
KANE (with Paul Barrow) v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Skippy) - they get
started before the bell, trading blows, Show catches Kane's foot, but Kane
hits an enzuigiri. Shane pulls the top rope to take Kane outside, so Kane
goes after Shane - but Show catches up to him from behind first. Into the
STEEL steps! As Show pounds on Kane, we take a look at the Helmsleys
watching on a monitor from their offices. Show with elbows as the crowd
chants "Big Show Sux." Kane with uppercuts, Show with rights. This
particular pairing was one of Herb Kunze's "Top 3 matchups of 1999," I
believe. Into the corner hard, Show with a sidewalk slam to follow it up.
Off the ropes, but the elbowdrop misses as Kane hits the Zombie Situp.
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, into the ropes is
reversed, DDT by Kane, flying clothesline from the top, Show catches the
charging Kane and hits a pseudo-spinebuster. Show catches him in the choke
- but Kane puts on a choke of his own! Show knees Kane and hits a
headbutt, but now LA ROCA has run out and there's ROCK BOTTOM on Show! (DQ
3:29) Rock goes back up the ramp, leaving Kane to chokeslam Show while he
watches. Kane's music plays and off go the men in red.
Backstage, Mark Henry tells Young to stay in the back - he'll take care of
the Dudleyz. "I've never been easy before, and I'm not about to be easy
now!" "Besides, you just had a baby!" "I didn't have a baby, I had a
hand!" "Hey, whose hand WAS that anyway?" All right, I think that's
enough. Young says she WILL go out with Henry and that's final. One can
only hope she gets put through a table...wait, did I say that? What's
WRONG with me? Hey, was I not paying attention or did they not mention
Young's situation at all last night on Heat when she was in that
intergender tag match? Too bad they didn't continue acting as if it'd
never happened...
"SmackDown!" for the PlayStation ad - direct from the hotel of the same name
The Acolytes steal from "Pulp Bookerman" - I mean, "Pulp Fiction." What,
are they driving around a parking lot? Ah, vignettes.
SEXUAL CHOCKLIT MIZARK HENRY (with Mae Young) v. D-VON DAMN DUDLEY (with
Buh Buh Ray Damn Dudley) - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week Because We're
Apparently Not Smart Enough to Never Speak Of It Again - yup, talk to the
hand. Lawler says "starfish," and I'm feeling woozy. Henry takes it to
D-Von, but gets distracted by Buh-Buh Ray on the outside, and D-Von strikes
from behind. Right, off the ropes, flying elbow, right, right, right,
right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner,
reversed into snake eyes by Henry. When Ross runs down the list of Dudley
victims, he mentions B.B., does that mean she WASN'T fired? Buh-Buh Ray is
in, there's a splash for him. Young, who was distracting referee "Blind"
Chad Patton, is invited into the ring to give Buh-Buh Ray the Worst Bronco
Buster in the Business. Off the ropes, powerslam of D-Von - 1, 2, 3!
(1:17) Somehow, we made it through the ENTIRE match without Ross telling
us that Henry was really fat. Buh-Buh Ray comes over and Young is shoved
to the mat, then Henry gets a 3D (Dudley Death Drop). Well NOW the tide
has turned. D-Von sent outside - Buh-Buh Ray's got Young! And D-Von
is going hunting for furniture. Yep, it's a table in the ring...and
Young is loaded up for the SUPERBOMB!! Buh-Buh gets all "euphoric,
orgasmic" on us, and D-Von administers last rites. And dare I say Young
took the bump better than anybody else so far. The refs, officials, and
EMT's are out...and DAMN that's a hell of a replay, too. FAB MOOLAH is out
as well. The Dudleyz music is played, and off they go.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - I wish Ross would stop telling us
she's eighty after Kevin Kelly made such a big deal about her being just
shy of 77 last night on Heat...
ROAD DOGG & X-PAC (with Tori) v. TOO COOL - Dogg rhymes incoherently for
much longer than necessary - hey, maybe he's gonna be a heel now! We are
told that Young is being sent to the hospital. Rikishi is NOBODY'S
"running buddy," I'm sure. Hotty and X-Pac starting - crotch chops
aplenty, lockup, side headlock from X-Pac, elbowing out, off the ropes,
shoulderblock, back and forth we go, over, under, hiptoss by X-Pac, double
nipup, moonwalk by Hotty, tag to Sexay. Atomic drop, another dance,
knocking him down off the ropes, off the ropes again, hiptoss, X-Pac goes
outside, Dogg in, Dogg down, to the arm wringer, off the ropes,
clothesline, Sexay on the second rope - dropkick! Tag to Hotty, both men
send Dogg into the ropes, double back elbow into double elbowdrop - they
stole THAT from Public Enemy, too! Hotty with a right, into the ropes is
reversed, head down, Hotty with a kick, coming off the ropes, but Dogg
sidesteps it and puts him over the top to the floor! X-Pac over and Hotty
is sent into the STEEL steps. X-Pac over with a spinning heel kick and a
chop, then throwing him back in. X-Pac joins his DX-mate in the ring, into
the ropes, two heads down, so there's a double face to the floor. Tag to
Sexay. Right for Dogg, right for X-Pac, Dogg into the corner, going into
the Thriller, superkick for X-Pac as he tries to interrupt it, powerslam
for a charging Dogg, 1, 2, X-Pac breaks it up. Hotty comes in and dumps
X-Pac - Dogg off the ropes with a bulldog, and now it's time for...no it
isn't, X-Pac is over to break it up - but Hotty ducks the spinning heel
kick and hits a right! Sexay with Uncle Slam on Dogg and NOW it's time for
the Wurm. Hoo, hoo, hoo, hi-ya! X-Pac in - double flapjack! Right for
Dogg, right, right, As Hotty pulls Dogg out of the ring and they brawl on
the outside, Sexay is up for the Hip Hop Drop - but Tori is over and
crotching him on top - X-Pac sets up for the broncobuster - but the pyro
alights and KANE (and Paul Bearer) come out - X-Pac looks around and finds
no help - so he tries a punch - Kane blocks it and waffles him (DQ 4:24),
there's a chokeslam for the Road Dogg, but X-Pac makes his escape, AGAIN
avoiding the chokeslam. Kane and Bearer follow. Dogg, left in the ring,
gets a double clotheslin for his troubles.
The graphic says that Angle and Jericho will battle for the IC title - NEXT!
Hey, I bet Chyna gets her own entrance, too!
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week - brought to you by SNICKERS!
Highlights from last week's surprisingly good Kurt Angle/Sgt. Slaughter
matchup from SmackDown!
OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, CELEBRATED REAL ATHLETE, REAL AMERICAN HERO, PIANO
BAR PATRON, LOUNGE LIZARD AND KARAOKE SUPERSTAR KURT ANGLE v. CHRIS MONDAY
JERICHO - "As all of you know, I'm Kurt Angle - an Olympic hero, a European
champion, and an Intercontinental Icon. But when I look into the crowd
tonight, I realise - I realise that my success, that I could end up at any
given time, I could end up a nobody like all of you - I could! Hey - I
don't want that to happen either. Or worse than that, worse than that, I
could end up a has-been like Chris Jericho - a washed-up former champion,
long-haired, sideburned, sideburned POTTY MOUTH - no moral values
whatsoever." The Y2J countdown brings Jericho out WITHOUT Chyna - I guess
the graphic lied - we are told that Chyna is taping another episode of "3rd
Rock from the Sun." "Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! And Kirk Angel, I admit
you've got the intercontinental championship - but you've also got bad
breath and a terrible case of BO! And I would much rather look like this
than look like a 30-year-old, never-kissed-a-woman Olympic geek who still
lives at home with his Mommy, so Mrs. Angel, put down your double whiskey
sour, pick the corn chips from between your teeth, and get ready to see
your baby boy JACKASS get a Y2J beating that he, and you will never...ever
forget a-gain." Geez, I think he's talking about his good friend Mark
Madden there, actually. Lockup, side headlock by Jericho, into the ropes,
Jericho knocks him down, off the ropes, duck, Angle up, Jericho chops him
down, repeated chops, rights, into the ropes, Angle slides under, gutshot
by Jericho, double underhook into a backbreaker for 2. Kneelift, knee,
knee, chop, into the ropes is reversed, Angle hits a hot shot on Jericho,
there's a clothesline. Into the corner, right, right, right, chop, chop,
"Angle sux," chop, Jericho reverses it and chops away himself. Into the
corner, Jericho attempts a reversal, Angle catches him in an overhead slam
for 2. Stomp, head to the buckle, right, right, right, standing on the
neck. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long breaks it up. Right by Angle. Whip is
reversed, but Angle puts up a boot - then runs into a spinning heel kick.
Gutshot by Jericho, and a bulldog. 1, 2, nope. Into the ropes again,
reversed, and Jericho's flying jalapeno finds Long after Angle ducks.
Angle puts Jericho into the ropes, but he holds on and Angle hits the mat.
Jericho with the Lionsault! Cover - but no ref. Jericho punching away,
then trying to roust Long. Angle's got the belt - but Jericho stops him
with a gutshot! Got him over...for the Walls of Jericho! Long has come to
- Angle reaching for the ropes - crawling - pushing - but Jericho pulls him
to the center of the ring! Angle's gonna have to give it up...HOLY SHIT
IT'S MR. BOB BACKLUND!! AND HE'S PROCURING THE CHICKEN WING ON CHRIS
JERICHO! (DQ 4:10) The remainder of the referee corps and Tony Garea
manage to get Jericho outta there - Angle and Backlund are left staring at
each other - and Backlund rasies Angle's hand! Oh man, how cool is THIS?
You KNOW Bob Backlund remembers the promise he made to Vince McMahon in
Poughkeepsie...he's back - and he's going to use Kurt Angle - mold him -
gain his revenge.
Speaking of Backlund, the last time we really saw him regularly, he was
managing this giant ass - of course, he was the Sultan back then - geez, do
we HAVE to get that angle while Rikishi Phatu does squats? Anyway - he's
NEXT!
Another SmackDown! for PSX ad
And now the Smack of the Night, brought to you by WWF SmackDown! for the
PlayStation - from SmackDown! - Show's misplaced chair on Triple H, the
Rock Bottom, the pin, and the shove of Shane by Triple H
TREBLE H (with Stephanie Ono) v. RIKISHI PHATU (with RAW credits &
TV-14-DLV ratings box) - H attacks before the bell and punches away. See H
punch. Punch, punch, punch. Into the ropes, reversal, H goes for a
Pedigree, Phatu reverses with a backdrop, then before H can try a sunset
flip, or Phatu can sit on him, H thinks better of it and crawls away.
Backstage, we see Shane and the Show watching on the monitor. Into the
corner, into the opposite corner, clothesline follows. H slumps in the
corner, and now it's time for the devastating ass to the face. Stephanie
up on the apron, sufficienly distracting referee "Blind" Earl Hebner so H
can kick Phatu in the...Tinyzunas. Off the ropes, big ol' clothesline that
has Phatu spinning. See H stomp. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Snickers provides
the Double Feature of the low blow. We're outside the ring and Phatu is
feeling the STEEL of the ringpost as his shoulder is driven into it.
Rolled back into the ring (and I mean rolled), and H follows - as H stomps
away, the camera fills our TV screen with the giant rump of Phatu. Was
this trip necessary? Stomp, stomp, choke. Phatu firing back, just in time
to save us another shot of his ass. Off the ropes, but H comes back with
the facebuster - for 2. H in command with his dizzying array of punches
and stomps. Now wrapping the injured leg around the bottom rope. Right,
right, Phatu fires back. Now they're trading punches - and now H decides
this punching thing isn't working and stomps on the injured knee. H calls
a spot, into the ropes, reversed, Samoan Drop! NOW LET'S GET ANOTHER SHOT
OF THAT ASS! Jesus. After a brief rest, both men are up - Phatu with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudo'tblockmine," punch, punch, into the corner, fat ass
splash, superkick, Banzai Drop coming up? No, Stephanie slides a chair
into the ring, then gets up on the apron to bother referee "Blind" Earl
Hebner. Phatu is suitably distracted, but by the time H swings the chair
WHACK - Hebner spots it. (DQ 5:07) And NOW, before H can swing it again,
out comes LA ROCA - duck, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT, Rock
Bottom! Now dragging him into the corner and directing Phatu over to hit
his version of Yokozuna's Banzai Drop as he walks back up the ramp. Quick
reaction shot from backstage - when we come back to the ring, TOO COOL are
out because NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE!
Fairly decent homage to SNL's opening credits is actually a cleverly
disguised promo for the Rock's guest hosting appearance on said show on the
18th - waitaminnit - one day before UNcensored? Hmmm... Coincidence? I
think not!
Moments Ago - the Rock ducked a chair, threw some punches, then hit Rock
Bottom - then Rikishi Phatu gently sat down on H.
Shane and Show react: "Let's go console Triple H." "Console?" "Okay,
let's...CONVINCE Triple H."
JEFF HARDY (with Matt Hardy) v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Al Snow & Head...and
Riggs & Mutaugh) - Backstage, Snow tells a floor director that he needs a
better entrance for Blackman. Streamers! People - midgets - carrying
platters of cheese! Blackman walks by. "Just so you know, if any of that
happens tonight, I WILL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT. Here come Al - keep smiling -
WE'RE happy - what's going on?" "Steve, have we got plans!" "All right,
I'll catch up with you in a second - remember - I'm coming!" Steve
Blackman is the coolest. Snow comes out confused, wondering where the
midgets are. Ross tells us it's Matt and not Jeff fighting tonight -
whoops. Lockup, rolling around, into the corner, Blackman with a
kick, punch, punch, Irish whip to the opposite corner, gutshot, stepping on
the back of the leg, assorted karate palm strikes, stomping away, when
Blackman does it, it looks...different. Cooler. Into the ropes, head
down, Hardy with a kick and a right, into the ropes, Blackman slides
through, Matt slips the roundhouse, hits a kick of his own, and swings a
neckbreaker. Right, right, head to the buckle, right, on the second rope -
tornado DDT is countered by Blackman, but Hardy hits a neckbreaker. Off
the second rope - legdrop! 1, 2, nope. Elbow to the back and Blackman
goes outside - Hardy perches on the top - flying clothesline to the floor!
Blackman manages to pull Hardy into the barricade to turn it around -
leading him by the hair up the steps - then DROPPING his face on the steps!
Rolled into the ring, cover - 2. "Head cheese" chant, much to Blackman's
dismay - off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl face plant. Blackman with umbrage
directed outward. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Going to the headlock, karate to
the back of the neck, backbreaker across the knee, Blackman going to the
second rope - Blackman with the MOCKING GUNS POSE! But the headbutt
doesn't find the mark. Hardy blocks the piledriver attempt and hits a side
Russian legsweep. Atomic drop, off the ropes with the clothesline. Ross
finally admits to the world, "I have a problem getting Matt and Jeff's
names confused sometimes," which is someting of an understatement. DDT by
Matt - but only 2. Looking for the Twist of Fate, but Blackman ducks out
and hits a German suplex - for a 2 count. Hardy ducks a punch and there's
a backdrop suplex for 2. Hardy puts Blackman on the top - Snow over to try
to help out his partner, but Jeff is over to put a stop to THAT. Snow
ducks and clotheslines him to the floor. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Snow
manges to shove Matt to the mat. Blackman off the top with a SUPER LETHAL
KICK! That's all, folks. (4:45) Replay of the Kick. Yup. That's
something.
Backstage, Shane and Show barge in on the Helmsleys. Shane suggests
booking the Rock with Chris Benoit in a STEEL cage, since Benoit has
already beaten Rock once before. Helmsley says it's a good idea, as he
doesn't want the Rock beaten - he wants him crippled. Stephanie says the
match is made - but only if they stay out of their business the rest of the
night. Shane suggests THEY stay out of HIS business...
Mankind - ravioli - you've heard it all before
EDGE (you think you know phlegm) & CHRISTIAN v. PERRY SATURN & DEAN MALENKO
(with Eddie Guerrera) - NIPPLES walks to the ring as Edge and Christian are
in the ring. Attacking before the bell, the (ugh) Radicals dump out
Christian and go to work on Edge. Double whip, drop toehold by Saturn,
dropkick to the face by Malenko. Saturn stays in, head to the buckle,
chop, chop, into the opposite corner is reversed, Saturn up, on Edge's
shoulders and dropped face first to the mat. Tag to Christian. Into the
ropes, double hiptoss - Saturn reaches for the tag, but it's the wrong
corner, all fours assisted leg lariat, gutshot, front suplex, Saturn comes
back with a hot shot. Tag to Malenko, Christian ducks a clothesline and
hits a spinning heel kick. Tag to Edge, Malenko sent into the ropes,
double flapjack, Christian trying to get into the ring, but while referee
"Blind" Jack Doan's back is turned, Saturn hits a chop block, wrenching
Edge's leg. Saturn with the exploder, then wrapping the leg around the
second rope for 4, kicking the knee, and I think we've found a body part to
work on. Saturn drops a knee to the back of Edge's knee. Snickers gives
us a Double Feature of the clipping. Back to real time, Edge kicks away
Saturn, who was wrapping the leg around the post on the outside. Another
chop block by Saturn - Saturn hyperextending the leg - Edge reaches the
ropes. Saturn drags Edge over to Malenko and makes the tag. Two knees put
in the mat, Malenko repeatedly dropping an elbow on the knee, then pulling
back on the leg, another kneedropped. Spinning toe hold (kinda)!
Shouldn't Lawler have NOT asked Terri about Mae Young's condition, so as
not to encourage a flashback to HER superbomb through a table? Oh well.
Buttdrop on the knee, another, Malenko again pulls the leg into many
directions. Into the corner, Malenko ducks the dropkick and dropkicks the
knee. Into the corner, is reversed, caught the leg, and Edge hits
an enzuigiri. Both men down - tag to Saturn, HOT TAG TO CHRISTIAN! right,
right, Saturn bounces up and down, right, one for Malenko, scoop and a
slamckdrop for Malenko, neckbreaker for Saturn, but Malenko breaks it up.
Terri leaves the table and approaches the ring as it completely breaks
down. Edge and Malenko end up outside, where Terri's walking. Saturn with
a belly-to-back on Christian inside the ring. Outside, Malenko hits Edge,
who runs into Terri, who collapses and clutches her ankle. Eddie is up on
the apron distracting Doan, while inside the ring - say, that wasn't Total
Elimination, was it? Whatever it was, it kept Christian down for 3.
(5:14) Terri pops up and walks away - she was faking the leg injury all
along. Again, Edge gives his "I'm such a rube" look and Christian wants to
know why his partner let him get pinned once again.
Earlier Today, the Posse, Crash Holly and Tim White trashed a Days Inn -
now that's Hardcore!
Viscera is WALKING! And proclaiming his hardcoreness! Get excited, for
it's another hardcore title defense...and it's NEXT!
Tonight, RAW is WAR is brought to you by WWF SmackDown! for the
PlayStation, Burger King, and Skittles!
CRASH HOLLY (with Scale Holly) v. VISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCERA for the Hardcore
championship - Holly tries a chairshot, but it has no effect. Vis
clothesline the chair into Holly's face. Quickly we're outside and Holly
is playing rag doll for Viscera's benefit. Into the STEEL steps! Why yes,
we ARE over the barricade and quickly behind the curtain. Viscera with the
mop! Viscera with ANOTHER mop! Viscera with the broom and dustpan!
VISCERA IS CLEANING UP! Into a folding screen we go...Holly's shirt is
ripped off, and Holly is run into a door. Down the hall we walk - Viscera
slid over a table full of catering (well, pizza box and sodas) and into a
trashcan. Hard into the wall - thank heaven we skipped those bathrooms.
And now into a meeting room - and into the coincidentally-positioned door
of the APA office! Holly slammed onto a table. Chair to the table misses.
Holly finally gets in a move, with a blow to the ...little Men on a
Mission, then ...chairing him right into the table where the Acolytes are
playing cards! After Bradshaw makes the expected line about never being
able to finish a game, Faarooq breaks a 2x4 on Viscera's back. Holly
quickly covers for the pin (2:51) and the Bradshaw gives HIM the
clotheslineFROMHELL. Faarooq starts to take all the money off the table,
and a brief discussion ensues about who had the better hand before the
untimely interruption.
Earlier tonight, many many paragraphs ago - Buh-Buh Ray Dudley superbombed
Mae Young through a table. She's undergoing tests at the hospital, we are
told...
MICHAEL KING COLE attempts to interview the Rock about his upcoming
cage match with Chris Benoit. "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to
Springfield! Shane and Stephanie, you think the Rock was just gonna sit
here in the back and not reacquaint the Big Show and Triple H with their
old friend, the Rock - Bottom? You think the Rock was gonna do that, and
did you think for one single solitary second that you solved all your
problems by placing the Rock inside of a steel cage against Chris Benoit?
Well, the Rock says this - tonight, make no mistake about it. The
Rock...likes the steel cage - the Rock...LOVES the steel cage. And the
Rock says this - the Rock says this - the Rock has no hidden agenda - the
Rock's agenda is open for the world to see - the Rock hides NOTHING, unlike
you, Shane, Stephanie, Big Show, all of ya - the Rock realises you probably
got a hidden agenda for tonight's match - the Rock realises THAT - but make
no mistake about it, the Rock has nothing to hide, the only thing that the
Rock is gonna hide tonight is the Rock's boot, turned sideways, straight up
Chris Benoit's ass if ya smellllllllllllllll what the Rock is cookin'."
Mark Henry is back - and he's WALKING! But he's found Dressing Room D -
and he's rushing the Dudleyz...but he's one, and they're two - they leave
him laying and run off.
Log onto wrestlemania.com and design a sign! It could land you into the
front row of WrestleMania!!
4 weeks to WrestleMania...thanks, Snickers!
CHRIS BENOIT (with ...no, wait, he's sending them back) v. LA ROCA within
the confines of the STEEL cage - all four (ugh) Radicals come out, but
Benoit doesn't let the other three get past the top of the ramp - just as
well; after all, they can't get in the cage, right? This time around, we
are told that only by going over the top will someone win this match - they
say that so I don't whine about the door being RIGHT THERE!! like I always
do. Rock rushes Benoit, blows are traded, now the Rock takes command.
head to the buckle, right, kick, Benoit kicks back, kick, chop, chop, kick,
kick, right, kick, right, kick, whip into the opposite corner is reversed,
but Benoit puts up an elbow. Rock with a clothesline, and he tries to
climb. Too early. Benoit on him with punches, and a snap suplex. Now
Benoit is trying the climb - Rock meets him with punches to the back. Off
the ropes, back elbow by the Rock. Head to the buckle, right, right, Rock
whips him into the ropes, reversed, knee by Benoit, elbowdrop, and we see
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & SKIPPY walking to ringside. Benoit with a right,
kick, kick, kick, kick, headbutt, crowd chanting "asshole", another
headbutt, but Rock backdrops a charging Benoit right into the wall of the
cage! Benoit slides down - ouch. Rock stands on the face, then tries to
climb - Benoit pulls him down and crotches him. Dropkick into the wall!
The HELMSLEYS are also walking down to ringside. Benoit trying to climb -
Rock over, there's a BIG backdrop suplex driving Benoit into the mat. Rock
with a clubbing blow, stomp, stomp, another forearm, head to the buckle,
kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, "Big Show sux" chant. Rock STILL stomping on
him. Choking Benoit on the second rope. Into the ropes, reversed, Benoit
with a chokeslam. Show says "Boo-ya!" Benoit with a backdrop suplex,
almost as nice as the Rock's! Benoit sucking it up and trying to climb up
the corner. Rock is over as well - and HE'S on the top rope - repeated
punches and Benoit goes down hard. Rock punching away. Elbow to the back
of the head. H giving the bad mouth on the outside. Into the ropes we
go, Benoit ducks and elbow and chops away. That's four chops and now
Rock's tied up in the ropes. Benoit decides to wail away on the Rock
instead of escaping - well, now he IS climbing up in the corner - Rock
manages to free himself and catch up to Benoit. He bealed him halfway
across the ring! Both men down, crowd chanting "Rock E," and Rocky's up
first, go figure. Stomping on him. Into the corner is reversed, Rock goes
in sternum-first, there's another backdrop suplex. Benoit with a lightning
elbowdrop, Benoit charging at him again, Rock drops and dumps him into the
wall! Rock up, Benoit put into the cage wall - but Benoit
reverses a whip into the ropes and puts Rock into the cage wall - he's
going up, but not to escape - instead, he hits the swandive headbutt on the
Rock! But that took a lot out of him as well - both men are down. Crowd
chants again but Benoit is up first - staggering to the corner...Rock is up
as well, and making his way over to Benoit. Punch, punch, dragged back in
the ring - Benoit rushes him and Rock catches him in a spinebuster! In the
corner, four rights, he kisses the fifth but Benoit ducks it and puts on
the waistlock - German suplex! Holding on for two! Rock elbows out of the
third try, slips under the clotlhesline and hits Rock Bottom! Both men are
down again...four people on the outside anxiously watching. Rock is up
first, but Benoit is up second. Both men are climbing - both men on the
top rope - punches are exchanged - Rock puts Benoit's head into the top of
the cage, but he stays up! Benoit puts ROCK'S head into the top of the
cage, then bounces him to the mat! Rock gets up and hits a low blow - then
POWERBOMBS Benoit off the top rope to the mat! Now Rock is climbing up -
and Triple H is meeting him on the other side - punches from Rock, H
tumbles - into the arms of the Big Show, taking him down in the process -
Rock up, over...and out. (10:53) Post-match, Shane gets on the Rock and
punches away. Show whips him into the cage, H gets in his shots, and now
Rock is put inside the cage, Show and H (with chair) following. I guess
all is forgiven...Show has him in the grip, but before he can do anything,
Rock ducks Helmsley's swing of the chair - and H chairs SHOW instead!
Gosh...spoke too soon. Shane flies up and over the cage wall to avoid the
Rock. Rock goes out the door and up the ramp - Shane comes back in the
ring. We audibly hear a "son of a bitch!" from Triple H - as we see the
replay, the commentators again bring up "was it an accident, though?" The
credits are up ... and we're out.
Ali Landry looks REALLY scared of Dre, don't she?
Christopher Robin Zimmermanwww.CRZ.net