Giving up hope

first my 2 year old cousin is murdered which causes me to have a rough patch with my boyfriend as he can be obsessive and causes me to cry and cry most days

yesterday i finally told my boyfriend about my depression and suicide atempts and about this website and he says some very hurtful things to me.
he broke up with me today and i have just made my first cut :sad:
apparantly he wants the old me back the one who was hyper and laughing all the time the one who was hiding the pain and real me. he hates me.. i feel so alone.
my first cut sorted that out though, it hurt at first but the hurt took away my emotional pain...i can see why people can get addicted.

WHY MUST EVERYONE HATE THE REAL ME!!
i just want to curl up somewhere and cry myself to sleep and never wakeup

It was very brave of you to tell your bf about how you really feel. And, to be honest, if he can't love you and appreciate you for who you truly are, then he is not worth it.

Please, please don't make a habit of cutting. It feels good, I know, but it soon becomes addictive and it is not worth it. Pm me or someone else you know instead, who may be able to help.

Finally, I don't hate the real you. You sound like an intelligent, caring person, and are more than worthy of real friendship, where people accept you how you are. This forum is where the "real" person inside all of us can express themselves, so don't be afraid to make friends on here.

About your BF telling you he wants the "real" you back, thats wrong..
He had the "fake" you cause you werent yourself, you did hide your depression and all that... And its not fun to act to be someone youre not.
And the cutting... its only good for the moment, i started cutting a long time ago but i could resist a while after and stopped, i really felt bad after it everytime i saw my scars, i really didnt wish i did it... But now i have started it and i feel really really bad after it... its not worth it, ive always tried to find something else to do but i havent found anything that works the same way.
Maybe you should try to find something else insteed of cutting?