In June of 2001, I had experienced my first encounter with Ibogaine. I had hoped that this treatment would relieve me of my 12 years of chemical dependency. I had high hopes to have my life turn around after someone told me that my Ibogaine experience would spiritually awaken me. The thought of going to Mexico for this treatment left me in a state of fright and panic, and also at the same time excitement. I was scared because I knew I would be leaving behind a life with drugs and I didn’t know how to live any other kind of life. I was excited to leave it behind me because I was sick of the life I was living and I knew there was much more out there. I wanted more. So, I built up the courage to change my life and went to Mexico.

There is no other experience like Ibogaine. It is not like any other psychedelic that I have known. In my Ibogaine trip, my deeper subconscious was explored and had emerged many of my repressed memories. I felt the cells of my body unlocking stale memories that I had stored and not dealt with. I experienced this visually in my mind with my eyes closed as I lay in the bed. I felt I was able to step back and view my life as a third person. And from this, I was able to discover a truth that I was scared to know. A truth and realization about myself and why I was brought to Mexico to meet Iboga. My visuals had only been a fraction of my trip. After the powerful images had dwindled down, I was still in bed analyzing all of my deep-seeded issues I had been faced with during the first part of my trip. My brain was working overtime. My thoughts were moving unbelievably fast. The whole day had left me completely drained as I went through an investigation of my core-level addictions. I cried for three days, which I call my grieving period. When all my repressed memories surfaced, extremely deep-rooted emotions juxtaposed.

These issues were too much for me to handle by myself. I, soon after, joined a holistic women’s recovery group and started seeing a therapist, which has helped me out in so many ways. I found that finding resources were vital to continue the healing process.

Ibogaine is a mysterious, powerful drug that has been a big stepping-stone in my life. Iboga has provided a way for me to have insights to my life, and it helped me break the chains of addictions. I, of course, have to continuously carry my own weight to stay clean so that I can live in my own freedom. Some days, it’s hard as hell to stay clean and preoccupy my mind with something else until my craving subsides; sometimes, I don’t even think about it. Taking Ibogaine was all so worth it to me because it was just the thing to interrupt and jolt me into awareness by getting to my source of pain. I feel as though I have been reborn and I am just learning life all over again in a positive, self-affirming way. I have broken through the addictive miasma by connecting with my truth and releasing my buried feelings and healing my exhausted body. Now, I know what that someone meant when she told me that I was in for a spiritual awakening. I have stepped out of the dark tunnel and into the sweet, embracing light.