Optimism against all odds

A new church is being established in Frogtown, Kansas. It is, to use the words of the pastor, “the only church in the world dedicated to the Mustang car and Jesus Christ.” Yes, it is the “Mustang Church of America and Museum.” A painting (8 feet by 10) has been commissioned to hang behind the pulpit, showing Jesus Christ behind the wheel of a 1966 Mustang. Inside the sanctuary eight Mustangs are parked along the walls, angled toward the altar, showing us what is truly important in this vale of tears, with tables and chairs arranged in the center. If, upon hearing this report, you are not yet proud to be an American, the pastor hopes to hold Mustang blessings a couple times a year.

The ButtKicker® is an audio dealybob that enables musicians on stage to hear themselves sing, or yell, and lots of the top touring groups use it—and good for them, we say. Los Lonely Boys, Shania Twain, and The Rolling Stones are all customers. But if you go to their web site, you can also find a page dedicated to worship leaders, and this blurb graces that page: “The ButtKicker is the single greatest invention for audio applications for today’s modern worship—period.” Wish we could agree, but back in the day audio applications in worship happened a little differently. The preachers were the buttkickers. But that appears to be illegal now.

An elderly gentleman in Illinois was attacked by a homeless man while exiting a grocery store. The weapon was a box of Moon Pies, which the police appropriately confiscated.

A report in April prepared by an ethics committee for the Swiss government has determined that plants have “inherent worth” and that human beings have no right to wield “absolute ownership” over aforementioned plants. Cases must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. Arbitrarily picking a wildflower would be unethical, while a farmer mowing his field would be okay. We are glad that’s settled.

P.J. O’Rourke sums things up nicely: “The college idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it.”

The Spectator in the UK reports that the Universities and Colleges Union is discussing whether or not Israeli and Jewish scholars should be singled out, prior to employment in British academia, in order to have their politics properly vetted. They would be required to discuss what they think about the Israeli “occupation” as they are being interviewed for their job. You can always count on some Europeans, somehow and somewhere, to do the Jew thing every forty years or so. We are right on schedule.

Dunkin’ Donuts pulled an ad for iced coffee off the air, said ad featuring one Rachael Ray, the celebrity chef. Controversy arose after conservo-pundit Michelle Malkin made an issue out of Ray’s scarf, a paisley deal that looked, if you squinted, like one of those kaffiyeh things that Islamo-thugs use while beheading people. That was close! Eternal vigilance! The ad was pulled, and the hapless company bleated that “absolutely no symbolism was intended.” But let us pretend for a moment that it was intended, even though it wasn’t. Shouldn’t we celebrate? Wouldn’t this be a sign that we are winning the war on terror? An American chick with bare arms and naked face, extending an iced coffee to the camera? And she is smiling, with white teeth and everything? Wouldn’t this be clear evidence that American demo-capitalism can swallow and digest anything? Like when we hear anthems of rebellion from the sixties being used on television to sell luxury automobiles?

A new book called The Family is ominously subtitled “The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power,” and is about the evangelicals who have been running this country all along, their power hidden “in plain sight” like that purloined letter in Poe’s story. “This is not a book about the Bible thumpers portrayed by Hollywood, pinched little hypocrites and broad-browed lunatics, representatives of that subset of American fundamentalism that declares itself a bitter nation within a nation.” No, it is about the evangelical infestation of Washington, with evangelical power brokers like countless termites in a once grand mansion. It is “the story of an American fundamentalism, gentle and militant, conservative and revolutionary, that has been hiding in plain sight all along” (p. 9). Just glancing at his thesis, and from long contact with the kind of people he is talking about, let’s just say it is truer than he thinks, more false than he knows, and a lot more fun than he anticipates. Heh heh heh heh . . .

Brigitte Bardot, a 73-year-old former French film sex-pot—let us call her an ex-pot—keeps getting in trouble with the authorities over there in France for insulting Muslims. She has been fined four times since 1997, with the fines ranging from 1,500 euros to 5,000 euros. This last go-round the prosecutor was asking for a fine of 15,000 euros because he was frankly getting a little tired of prosecuting Mrs. Bardot. The hate crime this time was that she had said that the Muslim community was “destroying our country and imposing its acts.”

An uproar occurred in Austria when an etching was displayed in an art museum, in which Jesus and the disciples were displayed at the Last Supper as having an orgy on the table. This kind of blasphemy is de rigueur in European art circles, but the kick in the teeth here was that the picture was displayed in a prestigious Roman Catholic museum. A chagrined cardinal ordered the picture removed, which is something, I suppose.

A Christian couple in New Mexico, who run their own photography business, were recently fined 6,000 clams by the New Mexico Human Rights Commission because they had refused to photograph a “homosexual commitment ceremony.” They were initially approached by a lesbian couple, and when the photographers politely declined, one Vanessa Willock filed a complaint against them—and here we are again. The problem was that they gave the wrong reason for declining. They should have just said they didn’t do ceremonies for ugly lesbians. Hot lesbians maybe.

Back in April a delegate for Obama resigned her position because of a dust-up she had with some of the neighbor kids. Turns out that Linda Ramirez-Silwinski was given a $75 dollar ticket for disorderly conduct because two black children were playing in a tree next to her house. She told them to get out of the tree because of concerns for their safety, and because in her view the small magnolia tree was getting damaged. Got all that? When one of the fathers of the boys said that it was none of her business, she said that “the tree is not there for them to be climbing in there like monkeys.” The mother of one boy called the cops, the ticket was issued, and she resigned as a delegate because of high levels of racial insensitivity involved. But the real issue is being overlooked. This woman is clearly an Intelligent Design agitator-plant, trying to make evolutionists look bad.

An appeal has been filed in the European Court of Human Rights located (for those who are curious) in Strasbourg, France, in which appeal the court is being asked to declare that Matthew, a 26-year-old chimp, is a person. This will just open up a can of worms, and if we open up a can of worms then somebody will want them to be all declared persons. And how do we count animal years to determine voting privileges?

The opinions expressed in these editorials and observations are drafted by the hard-working staff of The Cave of Adullam (TCOA, Inc.), and do not necessarily reflect the views of the writers themselves. Unless they do.