About Me

[in a cabin in the mountains, Jim wakes up and bangs his head on the table he was sleeping under]
Alex Rieger: Jim, are you alright?
"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Yeah...uh ... who are you?
Alex Rieger: I'm Alex. We're friends, we work together.
"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: What? are we, lumberjacks?
Alex Rieger: No, we're cabdrivers.
"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: I bet we don't do much business up here!

stat counter

Friday, April 30, 2010

Schadenfreude -- getting a giggle from Obama's slowness in responding to the oil slick in the Gulf. But most likely the media won't take him to task for this. And hey, it's the government. Government is big and slow and often unresponsive. So, to make a show of doing something, Obama will send the Justice Department. I just hope they read the oil it's Miranda rights.

The Uncommon Knowledge Mark Steyn interview is up. Look at him there, leaning right, as it should be. I like to think that Christopher Hitchens and I would be as smart as this guy had we never run into demon gin and welding fumes.

Now president Obama is sending SWAT teams to the Gulf to offshore oil rigs? How confusing. I heard it on the radio, so if there were "air quotes" involved I couldn't see them. Well, the WSJ uses quotes so maybe they know something:

The Interior Department said it has assembled a "swat team" of inspectors to review safety at offshore drilling rigs across the U.S. Mr. Salazar was scheduled to meet in Washington late Thursday with representatives of more than a dozen oil and natural gas companies to discuss how to reduce the odds of another catastrophic blowout, according to an email sent by Mr. Salazar's office to industry representatives.

The oil rig, which was owned and operated by Transocean Ltd., was last inspected "less than two weeks" before the incident, said Deputy Interior Secretary David Hayes.

Doesn't that seem logical -- they're using the term "swat team" because it sounds cool. Like the local drugstore "sending out our swat team to lower prices" I mean, it's the only thing that makes sense. The Interior Department shouldn't have it's own police force or militia, right?

Anyway, how unlike this president to use words so imprecisely. Real SWAT teams are special weapons and tactics guys, who confront armed threats. If you don't mean SWAT, don't use the word. Sheesh.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

After Couric noted “a new travel warning today. This time it's Mexico warning its citizens to be careful if they visit Arizona,” reporter Nancy Cordes saw controversy “spreading to all corners of the country” as evidenced by how “San Francisco's Mayor just banned official travel to Arizona. City councils in Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles are considering similar measures.”

Tell you what, if I was living in one of those cities I'd be darned happy to ban official travel to Arizona, and 49 other states as well. I mean, what is in Arizona, or Alabama, or New York that my community needs? Aren't official junkets really just vacations paid for by tax payers? So what if there won't be a bunch of SF councilmen forming drum circles outside Sedona this year? I say good. Stay home. Do your job.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

All this wailing and gnashing of teeth over Arizona's new immigration law makes me think that a pent up protest urge is involved. (that's why the quotes on the German language below -- I had it in my head that there was a German word for it: the urge to protest. Didn't find it though) Anyway can you imagine the protestorial down-shift that many Bush haters went through when Obama was elected? "Wait a minute, Bush isn't president anymore, what are we going to do with our Saturdays?" The excuse to protest was gone.

And to add insult to injury, then they had to witness the other side protest. This no doubt came as a shock -- seeing crowds with signs, and not a single Bushitler, Bush-in-a-noose, or Bush-chimpanzee anywhere. Then began the other mental shifts and shuffles required to reason themselves a new worldview: that now protest is unpatriotic, seditious even.

But Hallelujah! A cause has come. And I imagine there are thousands out there gleefully gearing up -- "Honey, have you seen my keffiyeh? Or my red Ché t-shirt?" So it's understandable if some of them are a little rusty:

Opponents of Arizona's new anti-immigrant law are calling for a boycott of the state's products - including the popular Arizona Iced Tea.

The company did not return messages asking if they planned to set the public straight.

Is that wonderful or what? Maybe counter protesters should boycott Mexican restaurants.

OK truth is that I haven't read the Arizona law, but I understand that it specifically prohibits racial profiling, as it should. I'd advise the eager protesters to approach this thoughtfully, maybe even find out what the cause is before going off half-cocked.

Because unlike the tea party protests, your protests will be televised. You don't want to get caught out with a Mercedes peace symbol. And spelling, ok: Hispanic, fascist, alien. And just for the heck of it, find out what's in the law.

A dog is "der Hund"; a woman is "die Frau"; a horse is "das Pferd"; now you put that dog in the genitive case, and is he the same dog he was before? No, sir; he is "des Hundes"; put him in the dative case and what is he? Why, he is "dem Hund." Now you snatch him into the accusative case and how is it with him? Why, he is "den Hunden." But suppose he happens to be twins and you have to pluralize him- what then? Why, they'll swat that twin dog around through the 4 cases until he'll think he's an entire international dog-show all in is own person. I don't like dogs, but I wouldn't treat a dog like that- I wouldn't even treat a borrowed dog that way. Well, it's just the same with a cat. They start her in at the nominative singular in good health and fair to look upon, and they sweat her through all the 4 cases and the 16 the's and when she limps out through the accusative plural you wouldn't recognize her for the same being. Yes, sir, once the German language gets hold of a cat, it's goodbye cat. That's about the amount of it.- Mark Twain's Notebook

Oh, also:

The Germans have an inhuman way of cutting up their verbs. Now a verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when it's all together. It's downright inhuman to split it up. But that's just what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they just shovel in German.- Mark Twain's Speeches, "Disappearance of Literature"

and

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.- A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Well after a day of listening to the Goldman Sachs hearing I'm convinced I know as much about the workings of collateralized mortgage obligations as the Senators on the panel. Which is to say, we're in trouble if these guys push through regulations in the same rush that they used for health care. This too-important-to-waste-time-getting-it-right approach is getting old.

On the upside, I think I've learned enough about high finance today to feel comfortable offering my own financial products. So if anyone out there wants to buy senior tranches, just give me a call.

BTW- Senator Levin continues to exercise his license on the word "sh*tty"

No doubt 50 years ago he was the kid who used every possible excuse to say "Uranus" in class. "Is it true, Mr Keller, that Uranus is bigger than Pluto?"

Discovery News has an article on why your mother was right: early to bed, early to rise, and bathe in money whenever possible:

Money can't buy you love, happiness or even respect. Cash, however, might provide some relief from pain.

In a series of experiments, people who counted money felt less pain when their hands were dipped into scalding water. The soothing power of cash also helped them shrug off the emotional pain of social exclusion.

The findings might offer an easy way to ease life's stings and hurts, from painful medical treatments to social ostracism: Simply flip through a bulging wallet before enduring a painful experience.

I do have to wonder, however, if the people selected for these experiments are truly representative of the general population. What sort of person say yes when offered a chance to count money -- but no, you don't get to keep it, and we will dip your hands in scalding water when you're done. I think I'd pass by the people lining up for a chance at that experiment.

No thanks scientists, call me when you get to the experiment where I pop balloons and you squirt lemon juice in my eyes. Or better yet, the one where I drink coffee and you give me a foot rub.

Darn now that I've given them the idea, I'll get no credit for next year's blockbuster study: Coffee Drinkers Like Themselves Some Footrub. Ah well, it keeps them from studying robin's beaks and concluding man made global warming is definitely, really, for sure this time going to kill us all by Thursday.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Writing angry letters to the editor about things most people don't even notice:

Are Weymouth's lampposts crooked?

A RETIRED rocket and bomb engineer has hit out at ‘dangerously-exposed’ and ‘tilting’ lampposts along one of Weymouth’s busiest roads.

Dr Fred Beardshall has declared that the town’s lampposts look like ‘something out of Alice in Wonderland’ and expressed concern about the street light replacement under way along Dorchester Road.

Go get um Fred. And congratulations, you made it into the Angry people in local newspapers blog. It's a blog about, well, angry people who have made it into their local newspapers. Pretty cool idea. As we become less and less able to steer the ship of our own lives, it will be nice to click on over and read about the sometimes improbable things bothering other people.

WASHINGTON - APRIL 25: Trudie Styler, wife of musician Sting, speaks at the Climate Rally on the National Mall on April 25, 2010 in Washington, DC. The free concert and rally was organized by the Earth Day Network to encourage Congress to enact strong comprehensive climate legislation.

Um, yeah, but:

[She and husband, Sting] maintain no fewer than four properties in the UK with [their] 'core' home the 800-acre Lake House estate in Wiltshire, which boasts 14 bedrooms and eight baths.

This same paragon of self-denying minimalism who reminds us all not to squander our resources also owns a three-story mansion in Highgate, North London, a townhouse in Westminster and what's described as a workman's cottage in the Lake District.

He also maintains a beach house in Malibu, California, and a 600-acre estate in Tuscany.

And when Sting performs in New York he goes home at night to a £1 million duplex on Manhattan's exclusive Upper East Side.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Imagine you talk the wife into letting you make a protest sign out of one of her good sheets, and then even get her to help you hold the thing, but then, darn it, the racists go into hiding and you end up looking like sheet-wasting-guy. Not your fault. They were here a minute ago.... or were they?

My opinion: this is how the infiltrate the tea party thing got going. It must be frustrating when the subjects of your derision just refuse to act like the racists you believe them to be. Me, in that situation, I'd think that maybe I was wrong in my assessment. The anti-anti-tea infiltrators had a different idea - let one of us be the racist militant gun lover and the rest of us will point him out and take pictures. What a silly bunch.

Ever catch the Prometheus and Bob tapes in Nick? It's one of the benefits that you get with a kid: exposure to things you wouldn't watch otherwise. Youtube has a ton of them if you're interested in catching up.

A prisoner who has commited a crime is before a judge. The judge sentences the prisoner to death by hanging, but adds a cruel twist to the sentence. The prisoner is to be hanged on one of the following seven days – but it must be a surprise which day it is. The prisoner is not allowed to know. Returning to his cell the prisoner is a bit disturbed. His lawyer tells him not to worry.

“Look,” the lawyer says, “they can’t hang you at all now. The judge has made it a condition that you must be surprised. But think about it. If you make it to Saturday without being hung then Sunday is the last day they could do it. But then it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it? So that makes Saturday the last day they could possibly hang you. But hang on – if Saturday is the last possible day then it also can’t be a surprise to hang you then. So that makes Friday the last possible day – and so on back through all the days of the week. Therefore, they can’t possibly hang you without breaking the judge’s orders.

The prisoner is comforted by this line of reasoning and stops worrying about the prospect of being hung at all. When on Wednesday he is taken from his cell and hung.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

DDT is the first urban legend to sway regulators in a big way. Global Warming has miles to go before it catches up. The demonizing of DDT has actually killed people. "Climate Reform" (a phrase some people actually use) will merely bankrupt us.

WASHINGTON (AFP) – Actor Kal Penn, who appeared in the TV medical drama "House" and the "Harold and Kumar" movies, and worked as a White House aide, was robbed at gunpoint in Washington DC Tuesday, his publicist said....

....Entertainment Weekly reported on April 2 that Penn planned to leave the White House and return to his acting career, with a Christmas-themed "Harold and Kumar" movie in the pipeline.

Penn was a prominent campaigner during President Barack Obama's 2008 White House bid, and was offered a job in the administration in 2009.

I am sorry to see he was robbed. How's it go?? A conservative is a liberal who got mugged? I guess we'll see.

But also great: the way House got rid of his character. They had him commit suicide, then had the other characters go around remarking on how they couldn't see it coming. I always wondered if the House people wrote the suicide into the show as revenge for his abrupt decision to leave. Ha! Quit our show and you can't come back.

Oh, I suppose they could have him come back as Kutner's lost twin brother or something. Or have him show up as a patient who just happens to look remarkably like Kutner. Yeah, then they could kill him again! Have him expire from explosive diarrhea or something while the staff goes around guessing "rhabdo", as if there was such a thing.

Anyway, I wish him luck. Though I suspect he did a David Caruso when he left House. And to think he gave it up for that single-season Obama production.

Oh come on, you guys. Keeping Bush's tax cuts, for now, is good. But that's not the point.

Say you're out shopping with the wife. She asks for $50 dollars for shoes. (personally I think it's best to keep the women barefoot, but this is just an example so bear with me) Sure, that's reasonable you say, and fork over the $50.

Off you go to the tool section (where you belong) to see what's new in table saws. Which doesn't take long because they remember you from last time and won't let you plug anything in. So upon returning you see that the little lady is already carrying a half dozen pairs of shoes, and still looking. Whoa, a sale you think; surely you've married the most savvy shopper on the planet. And on she goes, filling up a cart, and eventually even tossing in a car company and several banks.

And finally you have to ask, "You do remember math, right? You're aware that you've only got $50 to spend?" To which she replies, "Don't worry about it. The lady at the entrance signed me (us) up for a card that will take care of all this, and more."

My question is this: Do you make a lawn sign that says "My wonderful wife only asks for $50/year for shoes"?

Credit is magic, until the bills come due. The crux isn't what we had to pay this year; it's what we spent. And we seem to have a president who won't leave the store.