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Monday, March 23, 2015

Comics Rant: Captain America #2

I bet you guys didn’t know that Captain America is totally a complicated man and no one understands but his….Shield. You damn, right. Captain America is back. And by back I mean he’s back in the regular Marvel U. (Blame, Bob Harris.) He’s back to kick ass and collect any mail that was left at S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. No word on if Nick Fury opened Cap’s Social Security checks. So our issue, Well, not mine, It’s really Mark Waid and Ron Garney’s issue, starts with Hydra (these guys again?) attempting to steal a new fancy submarine, from who else? The Navy. By the way, I just wanted to point out that Hydra is always attempting something. They just never seem to be able to follow through with anything. No wonder all their plans seem to fall apart.

So yeah, Hydra is trying to steal this sub that can up link a powerful virus to the other subs in the U.S. Fleet and render them useless. Kind of like they are now. Ahem. Naturally, Captain America shows up and starts kicking all types of Hydra’s ass. But what’s funny is how Cap is using his Shield to do all kinds of fancy tricks. He chases a Hydra agent into a small area and the Hydra agent laughs at how Captain America can’t use his Shield in such close quarters. Well, Hydra dude you are totally wrong. Cause Cap tosses his Shield and knocks the guy out cold.

Navy officials want to just blow up with the sub with everyone on it, but Cap radios back to give him a few minutes to see if he can save the sub without blowing up to hell. Oh, that Captain America, he’s always looking for ways to save the taxpayers money. Quick, someone elect this man to congress. He’ll get us a balanced budget. Or beat up the House Speaker trying to. It’ll be great. And Awkward.

So the Navy says “Screw It” and says that the submarine will go boom! Most of the staff gets off along with the Hydra goons. Where do they find these guys? They must put the word out via Criagslist. Tons of weirdos there! Sounds about right to me. So Cap and the commanding officer stick around to make sure that the virus up link is damaged to the point to where even if it’s found it could never be used again. The commander and Captain America make a break from the sub but since it’s so far deep in the water they jump into the torpedo launch and Cap just puts his Shield to his back and prays it’ll hold while they get shot out of the torpedo hatch.

Great visual by Ron Garney shwoing the Shield being blasted from the fire in the torpedo hatch. Cap comes out by losses where the Shield goes. He sees it sinking and tried to reach it, but it goes too deep, where Cap clearly can’t follow so he makes the hard choice to abandon it and get to air! Poor Shield (1996-1998, >Sniffle<) Cap is rescued by the Navy and looks sadly at the reader at the lovelorn he feels for his lost Shield. Hell, he had more feelings for that thing than he did for Sharon Carter. It’s got the stains to prove it! Uhmm, Okay, this is clearly getting out of hand. Come back next time to see if Cap gets his Shield back, or if he just pulls a John Romita Jr, Superman and just pretends he still has it, all the while hoping nobody will call his bluff!