CMLL Puebla Preview: Cold Front

You know what sucks; getting a cold. I caught one just this past week while I was dog sitting no less, leading to countless nights of stuffiness, sore throats and the motivation to do absolutely nothing except watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and play more Total Extreme Wrestling. As such I took a break from any wrestling related activity (save for one top secret thing)…until today when I decided to preview Monday’s CMLL show in Arena Puebla. Was this show so special that I just had to preview it despite my cold? Not really; the card is fine but it’s not blow away great either. More or less I just wanted to get back into my writing groove and get some momentum going into the week. Well that and so I could gush over Zeuxis some more. So without any further gilding of the lily and with no more ado, let’s get to that gushing and grooving. Seriously; I need another cough drop. Moses, praise the meme and pass the tissues.

What to Expect: I’m going to make this short and sweet; stick around for “The Final Countdown” and then run. Run as fast as you can. I don’t care if you’re the biggest Meyer fan in the world; turn the stream off and go live your life elsewhere. You will thank me later.

Winners: When in doubt go with the rudos. They take it in three falls.

La Jarochita, La Vaquerita, Marcela vs. Dalys, La Seductora, Zeuxis

What to Expect: Keep calm everyone…alright don’t keep calm because THE QUEEN OF LUCHA LIBRE IS BACK ON MONDAY NIGHTS!

And honestly that’s all I need to turn the stream back on after that airborne toxic event of an opener. A Zeuxis match is like a TV/movie involving Joss Whedon; you stick their name on the poster and I’ll be there regardless of the other circumstances. You could have the Queen facing Dana Brooke in a 90 minute Iron Woman match and I’d be the only person live tweeting Zeuxis carrying Brooke to a 3 star match. Thus I will be invested and attentive throughout this bout, which actually does have a shot at being good considering Marcela, Jarochita and Dalys are also involved. I wouldn’t entirely expect Zeuxis to go as crazy as she did her last Friday show where she did dives and hit a Spanish Fly but that’s the thing about the Queen; you just never know, especially after she’s been snubbed an appearance at an ROH show because Delirious has lost his gorram mind.

Winners: Do you ever bet against the Queen? You do?! BLASPHEMY! I never do and I’m not starting here; Zeuxis and her minions win in three falls after the Queen knees Jarochita’s head all the way to Arena Naucalpan.

Drone, Esfinge, Soberano Jr. vs. Okumura, Puma, Tiger

What to Expect: The only thing not to like about this match is Esfinge’s theme song (seriously dude, “Kiss Me Through the Phone”?!). Beyond that this is what we like to call a good looking match, especially when the thought of Tiger and Puma working long sequences with Soberano and DRONNNNN!!!!! comes into play. I don’t know if that’s what CMLL has planned for this match but good Grodd it better bet. Nothing against Esfinge and Okumura but those two fall more into the “decent” and “reliably average” category. Drone, Soberano, Tiger and Puma are all excellent however (and Soberano is coming off some awe inspiring performances in Japan) and those four collectively taking up this whole match really gets the freak juice flowing. If they get time, expect some great dives, some great double teams and at least three “DRONNNNN!!!!!”’s from me before this match has ended.

Winners: I say the technicos take this one after Soberano pins Okumura in the third fall, thus giving the good guys the rub while protecting Tiger and Puma. There’s a 99% chance I’m wrong about the protecting part. Let’s hope not.

Máximo Sexy, Stuka Jr., Titán vs. Cavernario, Felino, Negro Casas

What to Expect: Another good looking match! Maybe Blue Panther got to the book again? Unfortunately I can’t get as excited about this bout as the last one. It won’t be anything less than okay because these six are collectively really, REALLY good but it’s still four veterans (plus Titán and Cavernario) who know how to pace themselves and probably aren’t going to want to be going full steam ahead on a Monday Night. It’s the Arena Puebla affect folks; I don’t know if it’s because it’s a smaller venue or what but the guys and gals don’t bring the same effort there that they do in Arena Mexico. Once you factor that in with Stuka really needing to pace himself for a match with Rey Bucanero the next day in Arena Mexico and I’m seeing this match ending up more like the Buffy episode “Dead Man’s Party” from season three. That’s to say it’ll still be cool because hey, it’s a Buffy episode, but it won’t live up to the standard of all the others and you may turn on something else once you get to the big fight between Buffy and her friends. I hate those by the way; the only thing worse than that is every time Buffy and Angel are kept apart because of hell demons, curses and good Grodd I’m going off on a Buffy tangent in a wrestling column! I apologize…or do I?

Winners: I like the technicos again here, especially with Felino’s presence to take the pin. I say Máximo plants a big wet one on Puma and Tiger’s father in the third fall and seals the victory with a roll up.

Pierroth, Rush, Volador Jr. vs. Diamante Azul, Euforia, Valiente

What to Expect: If only this match had included La Máscara instead of Pierroth; what a bout this could’ve been. I’m not joking either; Máscara, Rush and Volador as a trio? Better yet, how about Volador as a fully fledged member of Los Ingobernables?! Maybe it’s just me but short of La Sombra riding in on a white horse that has “Kiss My Ass Hunter!” written on its backside that’s the best possible Los Ingobernables combo there is that would instantly revive the group. It would be to Los Ingobernables what Split was to M. Night Shyamalan!

Alas it’s not to be because Máscara is off TPing Triple H’s house with Sombra while Volador and Rush are forced to carry around Pierroth some more. Even worse, Diamante Azul is on the other side and while I still don’t hate him as much as others his presence guarantees more Pierroth-Diamante interactions, which further guarantees more incidents involving scissors going into eyelids. Honestly I think our best hope here is that this one gets done quickly with a few dives from Valiente and Volador, maybe a nice spot from Euforia (who I’m hoping works technico here) and Volador doing an Ingobernables taunt with Rush. Instead we’ll probably get one extended Ingobernables beat down spot (made slightly better because Volador is there), shenanigans and the ever increasing wonder of how Rush has allowed this awesome stable to get screwed up so badly.

Winners: I guess it depends on if CMLL wants to set anything up for next week’s show or if this is merely a continuation of the Pierroth-Diamante Azul issues from every other show. If there is a Grodd CMLL has decided to nip this feud in the bud right here and sets up a Pierroth-Diamante match for next Monday with some sort of foul finish. What will likely happen is a foul finish where Diamante wins via DQ, only no match is set up and we further get closer to the horrifying realization that Diamante Azul vs. Pierroth, mask vs. mask is headlining Homenaje a Dos Leyendas. Excuse me; I have to go projectile vomit.

That’s a wrap sports fans. After I’m done puking I will be off to watch the Super Bowl, but I’ll return tomorrow with a preview of CMLL’s Tuesday Show, perhaps a review of this one AND at least one more column. Or so I hope. Till then, go commercials! Hey when you care for neither team you just root for the ads to be good; gotta get the entertainment somewhere.