When I first bought my car four years ago, it was newer and different from any of my other previous vehicles. It had round vents and edges, and a center control panel instead of the usual behind the steering wheel kind. It reminded me of a spaceship. Or rather, the old but futuristic notion in my head of what a cartoon spaceship might look like. This association was furthered by the fact that it is blue, like the sky, which connects to space, which spaceships fly through. It makes sense in my head (as, often, strange things do). Ever since this time I have referred to my car as a spaceship, an assertion that often brings ridicule, however playfully it may be intended.

But, I believe, that it is such thoughts that make us unique. For if everyone made the same connections and saw everything the exact same way, where would new ideas and inventions come from?

I mourn the death of relationships more than I mourn the death of people. In my mind, when a person dies, your relationship with them is frozen forever in that state (which was hopefully a favourable one). But when both parties to continue to live on, the relationship has more opportunity to fizzle and often does. ‘Tis a much greater loss to lose all connection with a person who may still very well be right in front of you.

Sometimes reading the Bible makes me want to play Age of Empires. An association which, again, makes sense in my head but may seem superficial or sacrilegious to others.

I have studied languages all my life but have never been able to imitate accents. I speak every language with a horrible American accent. But, after spending one semester in Georgia, I soon began to speak in a much more “Southern” dialect which has stuck with me to this day. And after mere weeks of watching movies and reading Jane Austen books, I find myself writing notes as if I were writing in Victorian England (though this present post has not had much opportunity to show that).

I have been known, on more than one occasion, to dance backwards, or, more correctly, opposite the general face of the dance. My fellow dancers may recognize this simply as a way to spice up and otherwise monotonous and over done dance. The unknowing observer may see it as me not knowing what I’m doing, or perhaps not taking the dance seriously enough. It is much more than either of those. It is representative. Dance is representative of life and all its sensibilities. In every form of dance, as in life, there are leaders, there are followers, and there are those who stand up and proclaim that they shall be neither. They will be neither sheep, nor shepherds, nor goats, but they will be horses – mares and stallions – who you may choose to ride beside, or stand behind in their dust. Regardless, they will do what they must.

It’s things like this that make us unique. Those idiosyncrasies or eccentric ideas that seem uncouth and sometimes get blurted out at inappropriate times. Thoughts that society dictates should remain in your head and perhaps not even there. It is for these things (unlike just about everything else) that I will NOT apologize. For these things make me me. And if you do not like them I suggest you take them up with my creator. For it is they which define me. My thoughts, my eccentricities and the way I treat the people around me. These are the things that matter, not my job, or my possessions, or even the amount of knowledge I gain. For what use is any of that? The best I can ever hope to be is, well, me.

I think that having your false hopes smashed is the most painful thing in the world because not only does it hurt to have your hopes crushed, but also there is the huge blow that your ego takes when you have to admit you were wrong, most regrettably to yourself.

For the past week or so, my main dietary staple has been instant oatmeal. It’s quick, semi-nutritious, cheap, and satisfies my sweet tooth. As I was reheating some leftover from breakfast this morning, I had a humorous epiphany…

You know why they call it PORidge? Because you eat it when you’re POOR!!!! Ahahahaha! Sadly, only I find my jokes funny. But other people find my laugh funny, so either way I make people laugh:)

Now while I appreciate that it is a pretty well written argument, it still brings a certain tone of intolerance and slight ignorance that has always bothered me with any religion. I suppose it is hard to do unbiased research and really it all comes down to wording.

One thing I’ve never liked when it comes to these types of arguments is people equating that paganism=witchcraft. I actually got into an argument with an old youth pastor about this and it is why I left my old church. Paganism is simply the worship of multiple gods and is generally followed by celebrating many different feasts honoring and attempting to placate the many gods much in the way we honor and attempt to please God. There are as many and as varied pagan religions as there are Christian religions. Where do you think the Catholic saints came from?!? There are also many forms of witchcraft. There is white magic (things done in what is an attempt to do good) and black magic, which is the evil many people speak of. And while it may be considered “un-Godly”, wicca is not inherently evil. It is actually very in tune with nature and this world that we currently live in. One could say that some of these ancient religions are less concerned with the world here-after but are more in tune with the one in which we currently live. Two of my best friends are wiccan, and they have treated me with nothing but loving kindness since i have known them. They have never forced any of their beliefs on me and they have always been welcome and understanding of mine. They have been there for me when other, so-called “Christian” friends have not. And really all their religion is is a different set of holidays. They do not “cast magic spells” or put hexes on people. They make herbal remedies and use what God has created rather than the things man has created. So I suppose good vs. evil really comes down to individual people. Every religion thinks theirs is correct and all the others are wrong. Paganism would be the least of my worries, because it has more or less been a welcoming religion. There are always room for more gods in most of their eyes. There are very few “pagan crusades” mentioned throughout history. But, there are countless tales of Christians and Muslims slaughtering hundreds in the name of God. If you truly believe paganism is evil, then take comfort that by your beliefs they will suffer for all of eternity. However, it is not our place to inflict suffering upon people in this world. Live and let live I say. If your beliefs are strong enough, no one could sway you regardless of your associations with them. People complain about our so-called “pagan holidays”. They are not really pagan any longer. We do not celebrate “pagan” holidays, we celebrate “corporate” holidays. So condemn them all you want, but by shopping at Wal-Mart at any time you are still participating in their “religion”.

On a side note, I like the part comparing Halloween to Purim. I know that some Jews celebrate Purim much in the same way we celebrate Halloween- dress up and party.

Why is it that almost every guy I’ve dated tries coming back to me after we’re through? Sometimes months later, sometimes years. Yet, if I tell him he’ll miss me when I’m gone- he’ll never believe it. But in the end, they always do.

Guys- some advice- Stop looking for something better and take a good look at what’s in front of you now. You never know how good something is until it’s gone, so don’t wait for that to happen! Because chances are, by then it will be too late. Learn to appreciate what you have. You’ll miss it when it’s gone. And if you’re smart, you’ll do everything you can to keep it there. Just some friendly advice.

I haven’t written anything in a while. Partially because my computers keep crashing. Partially because I’m just too lazy. Partially because I’m not sure I have anything worth while to say. It would seem that very few people actually care what I have to say. And to those of you who do, or who at least whole-heartedly pretend to, thank you.

People have told me a lot lately that I’m not the same bubbly person I usually am. Unfortunately most of those people haven’t know be long enough to know that this is who I was most of my life. Almost everything I even try to say someone either ignores, cuts me off, or makes fun of me for as soon as I say it. So really, why would I talk? I guess I’ve just given up. I figure if somebody wants to hear something from me, they will ask. This is the policy I followed for years so what’s wrong with it now?

Funny thing is, if you cared enough about a person to pay attention to them, really, you would realize these things without even having to ask them what’s wrong.

They say this is a year of testing. And that very soon we will be rewarded. Well I most certainly have been and continue to be tested. And I see no reward in sight. Following what as been one of the most difficult years of my life- emotionally, financially, and everythingelsely- I seem to be struggling just to keep my head above water. And even now i am quickly drowning. It only logically follows that I would not be so bubbly. It’s what happens when you are worn out, tired, beat down, and simply complacent with everything life continues to throw at you. After a certain point you have to just say “whatever” because pretty soon life will throw something ten times worse at you. So if you stop caring now, you can brace yourself for what is next. Life is just a series of struggles- each one seeming worse than the last and yet you know not as bad as it could be. A good motto for life- it could always be worse.

Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.
My life has become one giant crazy random happenstance.