People, I just want to know what you all think of the appropriate age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship. Does age gap matters in a relationship? We have examples of women who date younger than their age or men date way younger than their age. Is it a problem? What will occur if there is a problem at a later stage?

TrueFact

I've seen cases like that but only very few survived and lasted between them. Don't know why, but there was always problems specially if the gap is too big that mindsets and points of view differ too much.

Be careful and good luck

Subsonic Sound

I don't think there's a set age difference - it varies through life. For instance, a seventy year old and a fifty five year old are going to attract a lot less negative attention than a 16 year old and a 31 year old, but the age difference is the same.

Frankly, as with all things on this topic, it's down to the two people in question. If they are both mature enough to make their own decisions, then why shouldn't they?

Of course, the question that begs is how old is mature? And frankly, I don't think there's a set age for that. People mature at different rates. So yes, in the mid teenage years, there is some ambiguity here.

ThornsOfSorrow

It could work. I once dated someone who was quite a bit older than I am, and we got along very well (probably because his intelligence level was that of someone younger than myself, so he didn't seem as old as he was ). I thought we really had something until I found out that he was just a pervert who went after any girl who was as young as I was at the time. Anyway, it didn't work in my case, but sometimes it does. Age differences attract a lot of negative attention, but they really shouldn't matter.

joshumu

To me, it only matters when one person is to young to make proper decisions. Im not sure where you draw that line, but for me puberty is a good indicator.

JoeFriday

it's not really age that's the issue.. it's maturity and life experience that counts

there are many cases of high school girls dating 20- or 30-something guys.. the fact is that in basically all of those cases, the guy is extremely immature, and probably won't mature much in later years while the girl will.. not to mention the implications of the older guy taking advantage of a naive girl

then there is the life experience thing.. in high school, the separation of more than 2 years is a dealbreaker because so much is learned and experienced in every one of those years.. in college, it's slightly less important, but still an issue.. and every year after, the importance drops.. by the time most people are in their mid 30s, the range widens to about 10 or even 15 years, as long as both people have gotten through those critical years already

there are exceptions to this, but they are very rare.. so if you're thinking of getting into a relationship with someone who is significantly older than you, remind yourself that the person you want to date will probably act and think the same way 10 or 20 years from now.. while you very possibly will not

HoboPelican

I think Subsonic got it right...it depends on the people involved. My wife is 12 years younger than I am and any issues we've had have nothing to do with the age difference. She's sort of mature, I'm sort of immature. It works.

It was a little unsetttling when I first realized that when I was in college, she was just entering elementary school...but now it's pretty funny.

On the other hand, my best bud since I was a kid married a lady 12 years his senior. They are about as happy as any couple you can imagine.

Physical age has so little to do with who you are, I think that, as long as it isn't a legal issue, it shouldn't have any bearing on a relationship.

livilou

Age doesn't define wheither a relationship will work or not. Age is just a number. What makes a relationship work is how the two people deal with each other, how bad they want it to work. There is only 4 years between my husband and myself, but 12 or 13 between my sister and her husband. Both marriages are working great.

Citizen Kane

To me, age doesn't matter, as long as people are old enough to make their own decisions.

Why do you ask this question? Are you perhaps drawn to people who are a lot older or younger than you? or is there a situation which brought this question to your mind?

ommusic

I was with a woman 17 years older than me, (im 21), we lived together and for 7 months, it did create some problems cause she was already settled and had kids. and we were sort of in a different place in life... shame.

jharsika

I usually have a rule of 2 years younger or older, since I'm pretty young myself. But I think 5 years difference is the best one to stick to.

When I was 16 I dated a 19 year old....now I'm almost 18 dating a 21 year old....so 2-3 years difference doesn't really matter to me.

I think it's really gross when peope 10 yrs + apart date...but that's just me. If the couple gets along, they really love each, and they are on the same level age/sex/race/status nothing should matter.

mercurial

its juz normal for ppl these days to have partners who are like 10 years + older than them Oo so if it has so become the norm..i think it shld be fine

Well, sorry to gross you out with my story of a wife 12 years younger than me, but come back in 10 years and let us know how you feel then.
I think you'll find that the older you get, the less important age difference becomes.

mah_lau

TrueFact wrote:

I've seen cases like that but only very few survived and lasted between them. Don't know why, but there was always problems specially if the gap is too big that mindsets and points of view differ too much.

I think TrueFact put it really well. If the age gap is too much, then the complications come in mindset, life goals and such. It matters to look at where these two people are in their lives-- if it's obviously different places and both want different things, you then have to look at how much each of them are willing to compromise. The tricky thing is, it's (usually-- I'm overly generalizing) the younger partner who refuses to compromise or see things from the bigger picture.

PLUS, the 'age difference' issue (I think personally) is only a huge problem if it's say 5-10 years during the 'early' stages of life: teens, early 20s early 30s. I'm not saying it doesn't happen as you get older-- but when you are older your mindset is different and you're willing to compromise more for eachothers' happiness.

shwetanshu

i think age difference should not be more than 2 yrs... may be coz i have seen two relationjships wih age difference >11 yrs breaking up!

HoboPelican

shwetanshu wrote:

i think age difference should not be more than 2 yrs... may be coz i have seen two relationjships wih age difference >11 yrs breaking up!

LOL. As I said. 12 years difference and we've been together for 15+ years! Age, as others have said, is less important than the mindset of the two (or more) people.

dancingfire

freakinlame wrote:

People, I just want to know what you all think of the appropriate age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship. Does age gap matters in a relationship? We have examples of women who date younger than their age or men date way younger than their age. Is it a problem? What will occur if there is a problem at a later stage?

I think age is never a factor when adults are making decisions of their own. It's their lives, let them live it how they want. Just because someone says it's wrong, doesn't make their opinion fact so do what you feel is right

mah_lau

dancingfire wrote:

freakinlame wrote:

People, I just want to know what you all think of the appropriate age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship. Does age gap matters in a relationship? We have examples of women who date younger than their age or men date way younger than their age. Is it a problem? What will occur if there is a problem at a later stage?

I think age is never a factor when adults are making decisions of their own. It's their lives, let them live it how they want. Just because someone says it's wrong, doesn't make their opinion fact so do what you feel is right

Does that mean you don't feel it's the same for teenagers? (Just asking )

genchan

Ya, I agree with HoboPelican and Subsonic that age difference should not be an issue in a relationship. Such thinking is in line with the idea of individualism and the right to do what one thinks is right. In this area, I would think that its part of Western values. In Asian countries including Freakinlame's (who first started this thread), there is a different thinking, one based on patriarchy and collectivism. In such societies, social norms play important roles. What is considered as possible in Western cultures is seen as impossible since it goes against social norms which are stronger in Asian than Western countries.

But in the digital age with new technological innovation, the spread of western thoughts and ideas and the advent of globalization, many Asians are challenging their own societal norms by talking about issues considered taboo, if not acting on them.

I believe in the future, more and more Asians will think of their own happiness by doing what they think is best for their lives even if that mean having a relationship with someone years younger or older than them. Here, I am basically refering to serious relationships and not those who are out to target younger or older people just for fun/sex.

twisthigh

It depends really, some say that age is just a number, but I personally find that there should be a limit. No 18 year old should date a 30 year old, I think 5 years is the maximum between an age gap to be in a relationship.

HoboPelican

twisthigh wrote:

It depends really, some say that age is just a number, but I personally find that there should be a limit. No 18 year old should date a 30 year old, I think 5 years is the maximum between an age gap to be in a relationship.

Ok, but can I ask why? Is age really the issue or is it something else that is just associated with age?

ThornsOfSorrow

I'm also curious as to why 5 years is the maximum. You're certainly entitled to your own opinion, but I see no reason as to why any two people who are both old enough to make intelligent decisions regarding who to go out with (which is anyone older than 16 in my opinion, if there's going to be a huge age difference), then age shouldn't matter. As I've already mentioned, I once dated someone who was a lot older than I was (more than 5 years older), and the only reason it didn't work wasn't one that was directly related to the age difference. Sure, we had to keep our relationship somewhat secretive (since I was very young at the time), and the people who knew about it made fun of us, but I could deal with that since I really liked him. So, as HoboPelican already asked, please explain, since I'm curious as well.

xkobram

You should spek about percents, then years. i think 10-15% or little more Is normal

fpsaddict

No I don't think so because If both of them truely love each other, age shouldn't even be considered.
I mean I frown upon a 40 year old with a 10 year old, but I mean a 30 year old with a 20 year old is OK.

HoboPelican

xkobram wrote:

You should spek about percents, then years. i think 10-15% or little more Is normal

I agree with you that as you get older the age difference can increase, but your numbers are a bit unrealistic

Using 15%
At 15yr, that would give you a 2.25 year spread
At 30yr, a 4.5 yr spread.
At 50yr, a 7.5 yr spread.

That is awfully narrow.

But it's an interesting idea.

zyee

in my openion, if the different is not too large, is still accepable.

because, seriously, if the age different is too large, i dont think there is a good idea for them to be together as theyu will have less similarity in physical and mental .....

arjay

More than the biological ages are the mental ages of the couple. We have seen a lot of 'ideally' age-gapped couples succeed while others failed in their relationships. On the other hand we have seen also a lot of ‘not ideally’ age-gapped couples succeed and some failed, too. So we can be brought to a certain degree of conclusion that, within the legal bounds, biological age has nothing to do with the success or failure of the relationship. Having said that, it does not follow that there should be no boundaries when one or both of the couple is/are underage/overage.

I guess couples who have been comfortable with the emotional side of their relationship tend to succeed more than anybody else. Failures of most couples to settle their individual differences have lead to pattern indicating weak emotional stability from either or both. Also, it is worth noting that, in my opinion, true love is immune to time and space. And age gap is just one of the derivatives of time.

Some failed relationships are being blamed to ‘inappropriate’ age gap if it exists because that is the most easy reason for non-thinkers. But when you look at the real situation and the real reason, you will understand that what transpired in a relationship prior to failing is not related to age gap. Maybe a more relevant issue would be ‘getting into a relationship in a very young/old age (underage and overage issues)’. Yes, most particularly, very young couples going into relationships that they don’t even know the ground rules - that is a bigger issue.

I have been into a deep relationship when I was still too young (I was 13 and the girl was 12 yrs old. Ideal age gap?) and naturally it failed. No other reason to think, we were just too young for a serious relationship. The key? Wait until both of you are emotionally stable (some prefer to term it as ‘being matured’).

Anyway, who wants to celebrate his/her 18th birthday while his/her partner is bedridden and dying a natural death due to old age?

honestman

I think age matters or not depending on what age you are already.

If I was 25 and seeing a 15 year old girl then it would matter, but it may not if I was 45 and seeing a 35 year old woman. So the 10 year age gap has a different meaning depending on where you are.

I could even say that 15 years may be Ok on say age 65 and age 50 and the older you get the less it matters.

I hope this makes sense.

Jim

molif

to me, age doesnt matter... how much older or younger you are being compared with your partner, you shouldnt care about that.. care about the feelings u have with each other.. thats the most important thing..

age is nothing.. but of coz, be more realistic.. a 60yr old dating 20 yr old, thats outrageous..

watchai

Do you mind a younger guy? 2-3 years younger.. Because most of my girl friend does...

xkobram

HoboPelican wrote:

xkobram wrote:

You should spek about percents, then years. i think 10-15% or little more Is normal

I agree with you that as you get older the age difference can increase, but your numbers are a bit unrealistic

Using 15%
At 15yr, that would give you a 2.25 year spread
At 30yr, a 4.5 yr spread.
At 50yr, a 7.5 yr spread.

That is awfully narrow.

But it's an interesting idea.

OIC, you're right, for older people i should use another meter, Im 15 yrs old and I think i wont go out with 12 yrs old girl, but with 18 yrs old girl i can, my friend aged 13 has a 17 yrs old boyfriend, I she told me, its very difficult to her. But what can love do...

Arnie

If anything is dumb it's girls claiming that they're more grown up and thus 'deserve' an older boyfriend. Not only can it do a lot of harm (when they worship loverboys that give them attention), but it's also a lame way of claiming yourself superior. When I see the 15yo girls at my school that would supposedly be as grown up as me (a 17yo boy) I do feel quite insulted.

bangala

In general relationships become healthier if the partners are closer to each other in all aspects: cultures, intillegence, level of education, age, etc. This doesn't mean that relationships will fail if the partners came from different cultures or they were of different ages. However, the probability of failure increases as differences increases between them.

ThornsOfSorrow

Arnie wrote:

When I see the 15yo girls at my school that would supposedly be as grown up as me (a 17yo boy) I do feel quite insulted.

It's true that a lot of young girls don't act older due to them being with their friends and thinking that being loud and acting dumb is "cute", but psychologically, females supposedly do mature faster than males. Like you, I really haven't seen much proof of that, but it's still interesting. By the way, I was actually told by a male that I should date guys who are older than me so that they'd be as mature. Either way, I think most girls like older guys not because they think they need an older male to match maturity levels, but more because they want to feel protected.

bangala

ThornsOfSorrow wrote:

I think most girls like older guys not because they think they need an older male to match maturity levels, but more because they want to feel protected.

That's true, but this changes by time and later they start looking for youger ones that match their ages. It is great to think about your present needs, but it is also essential to think about your future needs as well.

the1991

twisthigh wrote:

It depends really, some say that age is just a number, but I personally find that there should be a limit. No 18 year old should date a 30 year old, I think 5 years is the maximum between an age gap to be in a relationship.

I tend to agree....I'm a 23 year old guy and I would even feel strange about dating an 18 year old girl. There's just too much of a maturity leap in those years.

freakinlame

Hmm...seems like everyone has his or her own say about the matter. So, there is actually no problem with age gap in a relationship? Anyone agrees? I mean when you are still a teenager, of course a few years gap seems big, but whenm it comes to being an adult, like someone said, it doesn't even matter anymore, does it? I'm 19, she's 15. But when I'm 25, she'll be 21. So its ok right?

freakinlame

Maturity doesn't depend on the age of someone right? I mean one can be old and yet not mature in their thinkiong and action. And yet, a younger person can be pretty mature for thie age. So what do you all think?

sergio_san_san

I have seen several couples where they had real big gaps, and they all finished with problems.
I mean until maybe 10 years, it can still work, but something like 20 years gap, it is ment for a disaster. When you are still young, 20-40 can seem ok, but when you get older, you can face a real problem, since one it is still kind of young and the other is already a grandfather/grandmother type.
More than 10 years, you should better think it twice.

indianinworld

Yes - Ofcourse : As a matter of fact, Age Matter - When you speak of Relationships.

If you are 25 - You can decide to go with 30 or even 35. That is FIne.

But if there is a huge difference between the two - Say More than 5, Then

Consider - 25 with 35 or 40, then
Generation Gap will attribute to so many problems in the near Future.
In terms of Long Future - There will be serious problem. when she is 35 - you will be 45 or 50.

To be frank - Right from ur Sex Life to ur Personal Life, everything affects.
Better Let age differnce be around 5 years (Less or More - Whatever). It is always better that Mens age should be higher than that of the girls.

Keep Smiling.

indianinworld

Quote:

OIC, you're right, for older people i should use another meter, Im 15 yrs old and I think i wont go out with 12 yrs old girl, but with 18 yrs old girl i can, my friend aged 13 has a 17 yrs old boyfriend, I she told me, its very difficult to her. But what can love do....

Sounds Funny - Love at the age of 13 years ???.

What will she know about Love ??

freakinlame

so are you saying that a 13-year-old knows nothing about love?..hmmm..interesting..i guess age gap does not affects a relationship between 2 people of opposite gender, as long as there is a level of maturity and understanding between the two of them. We just wouldn't know what the future will bring. now it may seem okay, but what about 10 years later? I know that not all relationship will end up on the wedding aisle, but could it be possible?..Need people with experience to comment on this one...

molif

but some how, let's take a 13 yr old girl.. possible that she know nothing much about love.. but im sure she can feel the emotions.. and how, they are more fragile.. as she grows up, she becomes more mature.. tt is why, i love matured woman..

there are some nasty behaviour that a 13 yr old girl can project..

Kerosan

For me, I wouldn't want a girl that's a lot older than me. I would want someone that's a closer age than me. At least two years older and younger than me. I like to think that when people are around the same age, they have more interests that they like. That's a really important thing because you would want to create memories by doing what interests the people enjoy doing.

I really like pre-teen "love". They are mostly just playing around and don't really think much about it. Obviously there are a few that are true and aren't with someone just as a way to play around. I think all kids should wait til they are more mature so they can truly understand what love is about. That doesn't mean you can have lots of friends!

vanSetiawan

no, age is no matter for a relationship....

holly.rebecca

In general, no, I don't think age matters in relationships. That said, I think it CAN be an issue if one person is really young (let's say mid-teens to early 20s) and the other person is say 10 or more years older. But the older and more mature both people get, the less age matters.

When I was 27 I started dating a guy in his early 40s. I thought he was very sophisticated and it was actually quite a turn-on that an older, successful, handsome man was interested in me. That relationship didn't end up working out, but it had nothing to do with our ages (and as a side note, 6 years later we are still the best of friends!!!)

So I guess my point is that a big age difference only matters if one of the two people is really young and/or immature.

Rorq

Age is very important. 3-4 years it's a small diferent but 10 ... i don't think so.

bongoman

I would say it depends on what age they are at. It may not be a problem for a 40 year old to be with a 30 year old but it would be out of the question for a 20 year old to be with a 10 year old (and very illegal). I would say the older both of you get the more the gap doesn't matter as much.

can_it_be

well i like a guy that is well 9 years older then me... and we dont care but im under 18 and hes not so the law kind of forbids it... so its really hard for us to be just friends since we like eachother! but he says that if we play it safe and be just frends until i get older then we will work out... its funny cause everytime someone says something about how its illegal we start singing te somg "no one wants to see us together" by akon haha lol
But i dont think age matters AT ALL!!!

amandaa

Age kinda to me does matter but not really like yah i understand 10 years i would feel uncomfortable but right now im in a relationship..
I'm 14 turning 15 this october but my boyfriend jsut turned 19 this july 12?
i dont see the big problem.
i ahve lots of respect for him and feelings. and the way he treats me i think he does to. were not in a relationship thats sexual cause all we do is hangout and the contact we be doing is kissing. so i dont see the big deal. i told him im not ready for sexual things and he says he respects that and when im ready im ready. i dont think th age would really matter just be safe about it and find the right person to be with.

Teri

Subsonic Sound wrote:

I don't think there's a set age difference - it varies through life. For instance, a seventy year old and a fifty five year old are going to attract a lot less negative attention than a 16 year old and a 31 year old, but the age difference is the same.

Frankly, as with all things on this topic, it's down to the two people in question. If they are both mature enough to make their own decisions, then why shouldn't they?

Of course, the question that begs is how old is mature? And frankly, I don't think there's a set age for that. People mature at different rates. So yes, in the mid teenage years, there is some ambiguity here.

Hi, Been there done that several times. I always dated older guys. In high school the guys were only after one thing and very immature, no thanks. But at 18 I was living with a guy twice my age and helping parent his son. Still friends with both and even have lived across the street from him for 17 years. But there are huge differences in age. I don't think I would rule it out because whose to say that the right match couldn't last forever. But it takes a lot of work and you always have to be willing to work at a relationship.

volotao

freakinlame wrote:

People, I just want to know what you all think of the appropriate age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship. Does age gap matters in a relationship? We have examples of women who date younger than their age or men date way younger than their age. Is it a problem? What will occur if there is a problem at a later stage?

I believe age is important, but not crucial. If you are almost the same age this is good, because some aspects would be much easier. But if a younger partner are in love with a much older one, the love can make it work. But watch out: a bigger difference will need a much bigger love.

This

ssthanapati

Well It didn't work for me mainly because difference in maturity levels and priorities in life. If thats taken care of then it might just work

xkobram

indianinworld wrote:

xkobram wrote:

OIC, you're right, for older people i should use another meter, Im 15 yrs old and I think i wont go out with 12 yrs old girl, but with 18 yrs old girl i can, my friend aged 13 has a 17 yrs old boyfriend, I she told me, its very difficult to her. But what can love do....

Sounds Funny - Love at the age of 13 years ???.

What will she know about Love ??

You think that Love can be only in higher age. I can hardly agree with that. Love in different age is different, but the meaning, the pasion is same.

Philou

A friend of mine, who's 20, started dating with a like 40yo man. At first all of our friends had negative reactions; some still do. We'll see if they stick together as time passes..

tiboo211

As an answer to everyone, I think it depends of the degree of maturity of each person. Some people can think and behave as adults even if they are young: for ex: boy 21, girl 24.
Besides, it depends of what they expect for the future. 20 years of difference is not very big when you are 20(the girl should be very adult-minded^^), but when she is 50 and the man 70...it's another rythm of life!!

asim

Hi buddy,

to me age is of no use.... i have been in realtion with many girls and many aunties... im currently dating... one girl... and one aunty... 18 and 31 respectively.. and my current age is 25.... and really gives you something you will be needing after marriage...

forsure

So, I dont think age matters at all as long as maturity levels are on somewhat of the same level (pretty much what everyone has said).

I have always been attracted to older men. I am 24 (girl) dating a 45 year old man and he is my "dream list" man-everything I've wanted since I was a child. We never get bored of each other and he still has the heart of a kid in some ways. He doesn't have kids (I have 1) and he is so good to her. We are like 2 peas (or 3) in a pod.

So I like I said age doesn't matter..its the persons.

Do have one ? for anybody if they'd answer. Although we're happy, he is worried about the gap and feels that in 5 years hes going to be 50 and old & I'll be right in my prime at 30 and wont want an "old man". I try to re-assure him that I'll love him no matter what and my family and friends do too, but he just can't seem to get over it. Any suggestions?

selevan

The biggest differences are between 15-20 years, in this "gap" even 2 years are big problem often. Its time when you grow up rapidly so the younger partner isnt thinking as the older one.

deanhills

It depends on the age. If someone is in her/his teens and gets involved with someone much older, that of course is going to raise very difficult issues. Furthermore, for someone who is 16 years old, someone who is even 19 years old may be that much older. But I think as we get into our twenties and getting older, age differences are very relative and become much less important. Some people who are in their thirties can already be considered over the hill, whereas other thirty year olds are as young as in their teens.

I have seen relationships especially between men who date much older women last for very long. Must be something to do with how men relate to their mothers, or just a simple case of a very comfortable friendship and lots of love.

gr8inferno

male should be older not by much, 3-5 years diff.

flowerpower

I don't think that;s age the problem. It's the maturity of both individuals. I know couples with the girl older than the guy. They are wonderful to each other. Now, there are people who are a lot older than their partners and they treat them like objects. in fact, sometimes if there is a too great age gap, there may be misunderstandings; each other think differently (like in many couples). well, as i said, it all depends on their maturity. love is a serious matter, if the relationship turns sour, try to know what;s wrong and if really, no lasting solution can be found, keep faith. Life continues; everybody wants his share of happiness.

nesmiranda

I don't think so. Maturity of a person and compatibility are best ingredient in a relationship. I have seen couples with age gap but survive the relationship and live with it successfully.

Well, sorry to gross you out with my story of a wife 12 years younger than me, but come back in 10 years and let us know how you feel then.
I think you'll find that the older you get, the less important age difference becomes.

i think it matters where you are in life and i agree with you - the older you get the less a gap matters. and in the end it is important the maturity of both partners is at a similar level - which can be hugely different in different people.

cheers

daljirman

Well, age gab doesn't matter in some countries. Mainly, if the man is the older, it doesn't matter in many countries. However if the older is the woman, it arises some problems.

It could be better for the marriage to be free from age, race, religion, etc. But it seems that age is still barrier that rises problems between the lovers, specially when the woman is the older.

metlec

But it shouldn't..

ptfrances

I don't think that age matters in a relationship
But everyone has his own opinion about that

tapina

freakinlame wrote:

People, I just want to know what you all think of the appropriate age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship. Does age gap matters in a relationship? We have examples of women who date younger than their age or men date way younger than their age. Is it a problem? What will occur if there is a problem at a later stage?

Age does not matter as long as both parties are in the relationship for love . Problems arise when someone is in the relationship for personal gains, and uses the other person to achieve those gains.

ssthanapati

Its mostly a personal thing. My ex gf had a problem with it so she left me. But i never had a problem of her being 3 yrs older than me...

I have even seen a 30 yr old woman with a 23yr old guy. and they are quite stable

marrs

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. We love each other and we would die for another. But she is just too damn guy friendly. I checked her myspace comments and this guy seemed to be flirting with her. So I checked his myspace page and she's practically flirting with him in every comment. It pisses me off. What pisses me off most is the fact that she says she loves me more than anyone and anything and Im the only guy for her. If im the only guy for her then why the ****** is she saying "I love ya" to other guys? Whether it be as friends or not, it still hurts like hell to hear that.

tapina

I beleive there are no set rules in relationships regarding age and other factors. What matters is whether the two involved are happy and fine with each other. It's sad though that society usually dictates what's good in people's eyes, disregarding inner happiness, which matters the most.

malcolmpreen

It all depends... my wife is 10 years younger than me... we were married when I was 32 and she was 22, we've been married for almost 12 years now.

It does help that I act younger than my age, and she acts older than hers... but from reading the other replies it sounds like that is quite a common scenario....

Malcolm

rightclickscott

I will make one comment for this thread, and one comment alone.

Old enough to pee, old enough for me.

ssthanapati

the thing about age is all in the mind... if both the people have no problem with it then y lose ur head on it....

I dont have a problem if the girl is older or younger than me for few years...

But i have seen people who find it hard to accept

guitar22891

When you are both over the age of 20 in my opinion age doesn't really matter. Maturity level is all that matters.

Coen

Love is love. Age doesn't play part in it. Or not a big part at least. What really matters is how mature both people are and of course, over the age of 20 - 22 age will stop to matter, I think, because people usually are equally mature at that age.

kristine

For me there is no problem about age gap between one relationship.As long as they are both happy its fine.

mattyj

age is irrelevant as long as both people are of legal consenting age and are happy

Who cares whos older? Seriously

smspno

Well, it depends on how big is the age gap between two people, as far as I'm concerned. I would have no problem if my partner was 10 years older or younger but I would not definitely go out with a person who is 40 years older. However, everybody has got rights to live their own lives.

torboxz

smspno wrote:

Well, it depends on how big is the age gap between two people, as far as I'm concerned.

I agree with you. Even my sister in law is 5 years older than my brother. Sure they got a few problems at first regarding the elder's perception about this matter but they finally manage to handle it all. And now they have 5 kids.

vpdragon0

It seems like when we are younger (middle or high schoolers), the less difference in age the better it seems. Not many people in high school want to be dating someone in a middle school or something. It's kinda a social status at that age. And if you're dating someone older, people would think he's like a pedophile or something.

But when you get older, the acceptable gap widens. I seen couples married that are 4 years or more apart. They seem perfectly fine with it. I think the max that i would find acceptable would be around 8 years of difference. 8 years seem quite big to me.

tass_

I'd say stick to the "Your Age / 2 - 7" difference rule, if you are 20, it's 20/2-7, 3 year maximum difference. if you are 30, 30/2-7 = 8 years maximum difference. That's what I generally stick to, but really age is barely a number, doesn't mean anything at all, especially not in love.

watersoul

I think it's down to the two people concerned, their mental ages, shared interests, and also how young the youngest person is.
Once a person is mid twenties then they've pretty much reached an age where you know your own mind so dating an older person is their free choice. A girl friend of mine is 26 and she's seeing a guy of 45 at the moment, yep I was pretty shocked and surprised at first, and I can't really see it lasting but she's happy at the moment so I'm happy for her.
I personally prefer to date people within a year or so of my age just because the truth is we will tend to have more in common, music, social circle's etc etc
...but I never say never, and if one day I'm blown away by someone really older than me or something, who knows?!

chi0

Yeh, I think it totally depends on the peoples' mental maturity, not their physical age.
Obviously there are exceptions when it comes to legality and whatnot, but if people get along, and they love each other, gender and age shouldn't come into consideration.

But then, society will naturally dictate something different.
Most societies currently think that an older woman and a younger man being together is scandalous, as well as couples that have too much of an age difference.
It's up to the individual couples of decide whether they let what society thinks dictate what they do.

Personally, I've dated guys up to 15 years older than myself, but only 3 years younger. Because, currently, I find most younger guys too emotionally immature for me.

Different strokes for different folks!

satksri

I think, if people truly understand and base the relationship on love, then age doesn't matter so much..
Amrita Imroz is a book which describes such a relationship - Amrita pritam the famous novelist and poetess and her much younger partner, the painter Imroz. Imroz makes a beautiful comment in the book: Most people have learned to sleep with a woman- not to wake up with a woman... that is the problem.."
I think society makes too much of the ideal (biological) age difference between the couple and ignores other equally important things which go into a relationship.. Time to change all this!

venometal

answers simple: not at all .)

BigGeek

I'm 49 years old, gonna be 50 this January.

You all talk about love, and age difference, and like love is something that you can quatify! Yeah right, and I believe I read that if there is a larger age difference then they will need more love. I'd like to hear a good discription as to what more love is.

I'm here to tell you, 1) love changes over time, what once drew two people together, may not be the same years down the road. and 2) age does not matter. Happines is what matters, and no relationship in the world young or old is gonna make you happy! Happiness is something you find within yourself. Some people are just unhappy angry people, and there is no way to ever have a productive relationship with them, but you aren't gonna know that until you get involved with them. Once you see all the signs, don't bother hanging out trying to fix them or help them, they will only suck you dry of your energy and time, move on, find someone that is happy and you can have fun, and share with, thats what counts, and age does not matter in that sort of a situation.

I've had relationships with women that were 10 years younger than me, that was 20 years ago, I'm still close friends with both of them, and their husbands and children. I've had a relationship with a woman 20 years younger than me, it was awful, she was a jealous controlling person, didn't last long. I've had a relationship with a woman 10 years older than me, she was a very angry bitter person and that one did not last either. I presently have a relationship with a woman that is 8 years younger than me, we get along really well, maybe it will last. I can't say but we are both happy and get along well, and that is all that counts.

I spent 10 years in a bad relationship, got married to a woman that was my age when we were 20 years old, she changed, and after we were married she became jealous, angry, controlling, and bitter. I stayed with her, for the kids, and because I thought that we could work it out, and that she would get over her emotional problems and love me again, like she did when we were younger. Never happened. I learned a hard lesson, and when I see all those same signs I get out before it is too late, because once you tie your finances to them, it is really expensive to get out.

My son told me that other day that the best thing I ever did was to leave his mom, and stop all the arguing and fighting. I can tell you, the kids are OK with divorce as long as the parents stop the fighting, and angry behavior.

Life is too short to waste on a bad relationship, thinking love will fix it or make it better. If you find someone that you enjoy their company, get along with them, and share things in common, go for it, and forget about the age difference, that will take care of itself!!

Disclaimer - I don't advocate a 20 year old having a relationship with a 10 year old, so get over that, I'm talking about men and women old enough to make decisions about their partners, at least 16 years old and pretty much 18 and over!

jenss

ThornsOfSorrow wrote:

Age differences attract a lot of negative attention, but they really shouldn't matter.

I think it attracts so much negative attention because a lot of time the older person is preying on the younger person or in some cases the other way around. Young people marry old people for an inheritance. Older people get in relationship with teens or kids because they are perverts. Media focuses on the bad things like these. If it worked out great it wouldn't be news.

smasha

It doesn't matter to the two people, but if the difference is great society will think you are strange.

raynjust

I am currently pondering this question I'm pushing 50 but I am young at heart,like modern music,still go to concerts,like to dance,no gray hair bla bla bla,I have feelings for a 22 year old women who is old at heart, was neglected and abused her entire life,has alot of issues that I have been helping her resolve.She has a hard time relating to those her own age and we are becoming very close.What do you think?Fire away

muffinman187

GO FOR IT raynjust Love is blind. ask yourself why not?

deepviolet

I think a young woman who has a lot of issues can be emotionally taxing and if you're strong and patient enough to deal with it, I think you are doing all of us a favor by helping her out.

On a different topic, I often hear about middle-aged women dating young guys 10-25 years younger than themselves. I have the feeling that most older women are actually reluctant or opposed to dating younger guys, but this sort of thing tends to happen by accident. At least in my limited experience it has been that way. I'm curious to know what others think based on their experience.

raynjust

Its been 7 months of getting her back on track, this week she is going to register for college classes and yes it has been emotionally taxing! now i'm hoping she can start making some friends ( the right kind! ) in her own age group and for now i'm stepping aside and letting her fly.

On the other subject i think middle age women that go for much younger men probably do so for the same reasons men go for younger women, just because your 30 40 in my case ( ug ) that does not mean you need to think old and the saying "act your age is bs", age has nothing to do with being responsible, either you are or are not at any age and what you like to do should not be dictated by others perceptions of what you should like. so a 40 year old women who has spark, energy, and enjoys life, might need a much younger man to keep up with her!

deepviolet

I think you deserve community service credit for what you've done.

The idea that middle age women go for younger men for the same reasons middle age men go for younger women is a bit of a suprise to hear.

The reasons are complex, but one reason might be to show off. This, however, doesn't work so well for women as people are less likely to admire women for "scoring" a younger guy.

I also think we tend to want what is harder to get (if something isn't hard to get, then I can satisfy my want for it easily, so demand doesn't build up). Maybe along those lines, the reasons might be more similar, but I have a feeling I'd need to do a full-fledged sociological research study to be convinced.

Greatking

In my first relationship the lady was 2 years older than me, now that ended after 3 years. The break up was not because of the age gap i would say but based on the pressure of settling down. I know a couple whom the age difference between them is 10 years. They have been married for over a year and they have a son. I think its all about love and what one wants.

izamar14

Well my boyfriend and I have been together for two years (Easter Sunday is our anniversary). I'm currently 17 and he's 30. We were in some trouble at first because we'd both lied to each other about our age. I said I was older, he said he was younger. I claimed to be 19 while he claimed to be 24. When we finally decided to come clean to each other, we talked and explained ourselves. After our discussion, in my opinion, I noticed his explanation was kind of immature. He said he lied about his age to see what he could get away with, while my cause was because I wanted him to take me seriously. We are on stable ground ever since we've become more honest with each other. We become closer everyday. He's a little immature for his age, and I'm a little too mature for mine. So it works amazingly well.

He really does complete me and compliments my flaws. We're very serious about our relationship. We love each other very much. To the point where he's willing to let me move into his home after I graduate high school (I'll be a junior in the fall). By the way, he's had his own house since he was about 22 and has never let any woman live with him there, he did let a girlfriend move into an apartment he shared with room-mates though (which according to him was hell). He's more than willing to wait until I am of legal age, so we can be more open about our relationship. Open as in public. My parents recently found out about him and they were outraged. I don't blame them, it's unusual. The thing is, they said it's fine if he's willing to come to our home and meet the family (which he eagerly agreed to do). That'll be more than enough proof for my parents that he's serious about me.

Society frequently frowns upon relationships with large age gaps but only because love like this isn't usual. Yet when it's real it lasts a lifetime. Large age gaps ironically keep both persons young. The older person feels younger because their partner is young and the younger person feels even younger because their partner is older.

deanhills

I think when one gets to your late twenties age is directly related to how you live your life. Some people are already old and over the hill by the time they reach their thirties. Others are as young as twenty-year olds in terms of enthusiasm about life and the world when they are in their seventies. So it is easy that someone in their twenties could have a very good relationship with someone in their sixties. May not be much of long-term in it, but I am certain that it could turn out to have lots of quality in it.

andysart380

Subsonic Sound wrote:

I don't think there's a set age difference - it varies through life. For instance, a seventy year old and a fifty five year old are going to attract a lot less negative attention than a 16 year old and a 31 year old, but the age difference is the same.

Frankly, as with all things on this topic, it's down to the two people in question. If they are both mature enough to make their own decisions, then why shouldn't they?

Of course, the question that begs is how old is mature? And frankly, I don't think there's a set age for that. People mature at different rates. So yes, in the mid teenage years, there is some ambiguity here.

i like the way its put there....

you could have a 21 year old guy that a 18 year old girl would call immature or vise verse

littleladyluck

|I don't think that age can be problem..it's more about maturity. I have seen couples - women older than their guy - getting along very fine while others not so well. It is about personalities too. Some people complain that because of a big age difference, sometimes there are misunderstandings and disputes because of difference in tastes and preferences, culture, way of living/thinking. The boyfriend of my best friend is twelve years older than her, just like her parents. She has once told me that her dad does not understand her mum sometimes, and vice versa; she believes that it is the great age difference between them. for my part, my boyfriend is older than me and i think that it is his maturity and sometimes his lack of it, that bonds us together. It is the sharing of experiences that makes it all worthwhile.

Ashtray

I think there are different stages in life, and that's maybe the main problem when talking about a couple that has a big age difference.

elrey

A lot of judgemental people here. Also a lot of people with silly rules; max number of years acceptable, etc. Don't listen to society. In the U.S. we tend to be hung up on things like age differences. But we also, as a society, accept our children viewing violence on TV more than nudity. So go figure. The bottom line is that everyone is different. I am 45 and I have always had difficulty finding a woman my age that was on the same level. They are out there, and it's refreshing when I meet one, but they are few and far between. OK, my intent is not to offend anyone; I simply will tell the truth.

First of all, I don't think physical appearance is even close to the most important thing in a person. But I am a person who eats extremely healthy and it shows. We have an obesity epidemic in the US. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting someone with the same lifestyle as myself. Sadly, there are few single women my age who take care of themselves. They are out there, but there are not many. Women tell me I look like I'm around 30 or so. The highest guess I ever get by anyone is 35. So I tend to attract younger women. Typically around 30. I also tend to have interests more in line with younger women.

Another problem is that many people my age (both men and women) are stuck in a prior decade. They wear clothes that were in style 20 years ago, they think no good music has been created in over 20 years, etc. Additionally, they just act "old" and can be close minded. Often I will have a conversation with a woman my age and it's like I'm speaking to my mother. Not exactly a turn on!

So, I would usually go out with girls about 10-15 years younger. However, a couple years back I met a girl 22 years younger than myself!!! I know, know! Ok, I'll admit that prior to meeting her, even I thought there is no way I could seriously date a girl that age. Most girls that age are very immature. But this one is not. We have been together 2 years and things couldn't be better. We both had concerns at first. But, not about how we felt about each other. We were concerned about what family, friends, and society would think about us. But we realized that it is our life and we are happy together. If a close-minded person wants to judge us, well, so be it. We don't want to be friends with that type of person. The people who truly love us just want us to be happy. They don't care about our age difference. Besides, because I look much younger, and because she doesn't behave like a sorority girl, people don't even notice the big age difference. Actually, the other day a woman in her 60s told us we were a cute couple.

One more thing. A lot of people say "what about kids?". I know a lot of out of shape 30 year old men with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar, high liver enzymes, etc. I don't see people questioning their ability to be fathers. My doctor said most men he sees in their 20s aren't as healthy as I am. I run 20 mile a week, I lift weights, and I eat EXTREMELY healthy (which is to say I don't eat like 90% of everyone else). I am far from being too "old" to be a father.

Bottom line: Don't listen to the negative people. Listening to constructive advice is fine. But ignore the judgemental people and the haters. Be smart. But also listen to your heart. Life is short. Be happy.

davidv

I'm not sure if anyone here has mentioned it but if anyone where watches How I Met Your Mother (awesome show by the way)... There's a formula for appropriate age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship.

A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick. Acceptable age difference formula: Chick's age = (Guy's age divided by 2) + 7

n recent history, relationship statistics indicate that most people end up with a partner that is close to them in age — around three to five years either side tends to be the norm. But times they are a-changin', and now more and more people are saying to hell with society's age stereotypes, and pairing off with people who are 10, 15 or more years apart in age.

A common problem for those with a major age gap in their relationship is mismatched life experiences. These can include major milestones like career, travel, marriage and children — all of which are profoundly affected if one person in the relationship has already "been there, done that".

If you're a 25-year-old hoping for a family of your own one-day, and are dating a divorced 45-year-old with teenage kids from a previous relationship, you need to get things straight with your partner about their interest in having a second family. Age gaps can become more prominent when it comes to big life experiences and rites of passage. It pays to be clear about your relationship hopes and dreams from the start.

Not exactly a problem, but certainly something of an embarrassment, is the likelihood of social situations in which you and your partner are mistaken for parent and child — or worse. Work functions, booking into a hotel for a weekend away, and shopping for clothes together are all potential minefields for couples with big age gaps.

Do you nod and smile through gritted teeth as the sales assistant talks to your "Dad" or do you set the record straight then and there? And if you are constantly attracted to vastly older partners, are there some unresolved parental issues that could need addressing?

Greatking

Your age gap may not be that noticeable in your lifestyle right now, but the bigger the age gap, the more you'll need to consider what your life together will be like in the long term. Health and the natural aging process are both factors that will impact on the quality of your lifestyle with a partner who is vastly older than you.

A gap of 20 years means that one of you will be a sprightly 45-year-old, while the other will be approaching retirement. And yes, you're only as young as you feel, but how will your relationship cope with the ravages of time? Are you comfortable with the idea of becoming someone's live-in carer rather than live-in lover?

Making an age gap relationship work is like any other successful relationship — it depends on strong communication skills, dedication, honesty and a lot of effort. But as anyone who loves someone regardless of an age difference will tell you, love is not only blind, it can't count very well either.

srjrol

I think age matters until a certain age and then it is no longer relevant.

iyepes

I made the same question to myself recently, due to the fact a man 11 younger to me become interesting lately.

However, I really don't feel comfortable about it. Society still stigmatize older women with younger men. If it ends up in a real thing I let you know how it goes

Insanity

I think it depends on the ages. I think that after a certain age, the difference doesn't mean anything anymore. I think this age is around the 20s, although there is a significant difference between 40 and 20. Otherwise, it's not so bad. The gap decreases when one person is much younger.

cresvale

depends on many things. should not be a main problem.

bluetygre

It apparently mattered a lot to my gf of four years because she never wanted to do anything together where other people would see us together, apart from her immediate family. However she pretendede it didn,t matter, but she went back with an old bf who was 15 years younger than me. She is 50 and I am 70. She loved the car I gave her though !

FastDebrid

It might sound cliche but when love strikes you, no matter what age, you'll be in love.

In my experience, I've been together with guys mostly younger than I am with the youngest being three years my junior. I've only been courted by a guy three years my senior once.
Being older than the guy makes me feel younger. I just want to be clear that I didn't make the first move with these guys, okay.
I don't know but I think I prefer it that way or at least someone with the same age as mine.
'Cause the experience I've had with a guy who is older than I am, is not really great with regards to communication. Since he is older, the guy thinks he is wiser than I am. I don't like that. I'm educated and I know a lot so I don't like when guys undermine me or talk to me like they know more.
It just really turns me off especially when I know they're not telling the truth and just trying to impress me.

LegendVPN

Well, with all the cougar stuff going around, I think age is not an issue anymore unless you are conservative. For me, I don't have anything against cougars but I prefer guys older than I am or just about my age. I feel more at ease with such guys. I fee like an older sister when I'm with a younger guy. ;P

codersfriend

This reminds me of a joke I read on a text message
And it goes like,

On a Beauty Pageant,

Host: If the person you love has AIDS, would you still love him?
Ms.Philippines: Yes. (Applause from Audience)
Host: Why?
Ms.Philippines: It's because AIDS doesn't matter

(oh just a comic relief )
XD

LegendVPN

codersfriend wrote:

This reminds me of a joke I read on a text message
And it goes like,

On a Beauty Pageant,

Host: If the person you love has AIDS, would you still love him?
Ms.Philippines: Yes. (Applause from Audience)
Host: Why?
Ms.Philippines: It's because AIDS doesn't matter

(oh just a comic relief )
XD

Oh my!!! That is so embarrassing if that were true.
However, if you think about the answer, take it for what it is and ignore the wrong grammar, it is kind of correct and noble.

codersfriend

LegendVPN wrote:

Oh my!!! That is so embarrassing if that were true.
However, if you think about the answer, take it for what it is and ignore the wrong grammar, it is kind of correct and noble.

Hahaha.. well that's just a joke

garlovsky

Age differences and relationships: I'd say it all depends. There are a variety of mathematical formulas to determine the socially acceptable age difference. If a younger man is looking for a mommy or if a younger woman is looking for a daddy, then I think there are deeper problems.

On the whole though, if people are able to make the relationship a smashing success, who's to criticize. However, I think everyone raises an eyebrow when those involved are celebrities (the older one is the celebrity) and the age difference is obscene, like 30 or 40 years.

We all know why Jill Vandenburg would marry Tony Curtis-he's 42 years older. Or how about Tony Randall and Heather Harlan, he was 50 years older. I think the most disturbing was when Anna Nicole Smith was 26 and married 89 year old wheel chair bound J. Howard Marshall. I mean, come on. That's blatant gold digging.

Why a young woman would marry a geriatric man is almost incomprehensible if you leave out money and fame.

LegendVPN

codersfriend wrote:

LegendVPN wrote:

Oh my!!! That is so embarrassing if that were true.
However, if you think about the answer, take it for what it is and ignore the wrong grammar, it is kind of correct and noble.

Hahaha.. well that's just a joke

Yeah, I know. ;P Good one though.

lilysc1

I think age does matter if it's 10 or more years apart but that's just my opinion

therimalaya

Sometimes it matter, but in other time when the feeling and thoughts are synchronized, age is just nothing. Everything will be great.

Coen

Physical age does not matter that much, it is about the mental age of someone (excuse the lack of a better phrase). Obviously you should start wondering when someone who is very young (say early teens) develops a relationship with someone who is much older (say late twenties) but other than that the cliché that love is blind does go up. At least, in my opinion it does.

leenQ

so i am writing a essay for UNI on this subject so i would like to thank all of you for the input.

thinking about a relationship one needs to think what it is...

its love? acceptance, company, comfort....
so one can say its filling a persons needs?
if the needs of the person is fulfilled it wont matter the age

age of a person can be in 5 ways
physical age
mental age
emotional age
maturity age
age of soul

physical is the age you are, if you are the same age then yes the chances of the relationship will work and that is if it only comprise of this one part of age

so it will also be for mental age, physical age set apart, your mental is the knowledge you have and how you view life.... now adding physical age : a man 40 has down syndrome so his mental age = about 8 will it work..? nope

now emotional age is contributed by what one has endured thru life how you have survived and accepted as a proper age for oneself to survive... say you were abused as a child you will still want to have the age where it did not happen and you were still fine, or you have a young emotional age so you will tend to go for an older age man taking the role of your father who can protect you.

maturity is every ones favoured one to use because its so easy to use. how you grow up and go thru life. personal experience i was 18 dated a guy 28 years he was as immature as a high school boy. it didn’t last our needs did not fit, i then dated a guy same age as me he also was very immature but not a childish way more on a mental way, i felt like his mother most of the time.... now i am with a man same age as me and we do have our problems but most of our needs are full so for now we are happy..

last is the soul, most ppl believe in something and the firstly if you don’t believe the same it wont last there has to be a compromise and if that is the case its fine because the level of age/maturity in the believe is not high but if one is on a higher spiritual level than the other it will be difficult to sustain a healthy relationship.

so if you look at it age it self doesn’t matter what does is if the other person can meet your needs and you meet theirs... if it happens to be that one is more than 20 years older then it happens to be

(ps. i just don’t agree with under age, illegal loving! no no no... stay with the law)

Coen

To be honest I think that you can merge the age of soul and maturity age into one, seeing I do not see any difference in them. In fact, maybe the maturity age covers the whole range of emotional and mental age.

jrzipagan03

it's not really age that's the issue.. it's maturity and life experience that counts

there are many cases of high school girls dating 20- or 30-something guys.. the fact is that in basically all of those cases, the guy is extremely immature, and probably won't mature much in later years while the girl will.. not to mention the implications of the older guy taking advantage of a naive girl

then there is the life experience thing.. in high school, the separation of more than 2 years is a dealbreaker because so much is learned and experienced in every one of those years.. in college, it's slightly less important, but still an issue.. and every year after, the importance drops.. by the time most people are in their mid 30s, the range widens to about 10 or even 15 years, as long as both people have gotten through those critical years already

there are exceptions to this, but they are very rare.. so if you're thinking of getting into a relationship with someone who is significantly older than you, remind yourself that the person you want to date will probably act and think the same way 10 or 20 years from now.. while you very possibly will not

---- is that so, maybe not. Because what we think about is just the age gap but entering into a relationship is much more of that, if we say that there is unconditional love there is no reason to whatever it has to be, if you love someone then go for it fight for it no matter what obstacles will you gonna experienced in the future, it is just the nature of love, love is love not love is age or height or anything that is a material or in a physical way of loving a person.

nigam

if you fall in love with someone who is older or younger than you, it doesn't matter at all....

Segia

As said quite some times before, it really depends on percental difference. If you're 15 and the other's 30, that's twice as old and obviously way too much. I'd say that as a general rule take a maximum of something along the lines of 25% if both partners are 18 or older - so if you're 40, a 30 year old partner would be acceptable. Then again, a bigger age difference doesn't necessarily have to be a deal breaker, if both partners are equally mature or match exceptionally well. Relationships are complicated.

216LowLife

I was going through a phase where I decided to give everyone a chance no excuses (unless I were to be placed in a shady situation.) So, during that time a man that was 11 1/2 years older than me asked me out. He thought I was at least 24yrs old and I thought he was 25ishh.. but soon we found out each other’s real ages. I was 18yrs old and he was 30yrs old. What I worry about is, "what if I change? what if I find out I want something else?" and on the other hand He worries about my age, he doesn't care about the age be he is unsure about my current age.
Let me tell you this, although I am only 19 I have been through quite a bit of trials that have matured me. I have been shattered so many times and even through the darkness, I was forced to pieced myself together – every time. There were times where it was easier getting up then others but no matter how hard it was I ALWAYS got back up no matter how much the world discouraged me, and each time I got up I purposely looked to gain from that which did not kill me. I forced myself to restore love, care, and have faith in other’s AS WELL AS myself. During these past five years I have survived so much and experienced quite a bit.
One cannot force maturity, but it is what life throws at us, how we view it, how we handle it, and what we gain from it.
Unfortunately for me, I am extremely attracted to a man that uses his brain (which for the most part, at my age would be an older man.) “Men” my age, on the other hand, DO NOT use their brain—HA! But rather they use something else. I simply cannot stand too much stupidity, ignorance, selfishness, laziness, etc. I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship in the first place, but if I am going to be with anyone… I want a man NOT a boy.
A person’s birth date is simply for identification purposes, but what is important is their maturity level… but that isn’t listed on our I.D. so you’ll just have to stick around and determine for yourself. Age will always be JUST a number.
No one is going to have the same exact story, this is my experience & my story.

The_unnamed_label

I think age doesn't matter, it's all about love.

codersfriend

If you really love that person... age is just a number
No limits

xcustomtoys

it depends if the other one is kind of childish and the other one is matured. both will gonna struggle and will need patience and understanding with one another. base on my experience actually. LOL

codersfriend

Just a hypothetical.. what if the other does not age.. say someone immortal... does age still matter?

Nerdy_Juliet

3 years should be the limit.

Asoka-Hoof

I have to say......I am 13 and I believe I am in love with a 34 her old.........I am not happy about it ......but I cant help but feel that way...so I believe that love shouldn't have an age limit......as long as you know you are in love....I haven't told him that I love him......and I am scared to....because I fear that it may not be true love.....but my friend supports me and tells me that I should just get over it..........I do believe that there is not an age limit to love.....after all.........love is something that you feel inside...and love doesn't lie....it may get confusing....but it always tells the truth......

TheLimey

I think it is really common sense on age difference... rule of thumb is half your age plus 7 is the lowest date

busaboss

For me I would say that it is fine as long as you really love each other. Sometimes people can't control their feelings and we should not alter any love that is mutual. Some people may talk about how bad your relationship looks like but at the end of the day, your love for each other is all that really matters.

Hello_World

Asoka-Hoof you may well have a crush on a man of 34 but the trouble is that if he actually returned that interest then there is something seriously wrong with him not to mention highly illegal.

I doubt that it is true love, but that you have found something in him that is admirable. You can respect and admire someone greatly without being in 'true love'.

At age 13 I would recommend that perhaps look for the qualities you are attacted to in that man in another person of similar age to yourself, or perhaps even try to foster those qualities in yourself.

At your age, age differences of that size matter a great deal.

ennymo

I agree with everyone said the percentage difference that matters, the younger you are obviously the age strain is. It's funny, one of my friends (10th grade) is going out with a 12th grader, and even with just a 2 year difference EVERYONE gossips about it. But it works out, he's immature and she's mature for her age. The problem is probably going to come when he graduates though...
I think for me 10 years will probably be the most i'll ever be willing to vary from. I just think it gets weird when my partner is closer to my parent's peers than to me....
Of course, you could fall in love with anyone. but that initial love alone isn't really enough to sustain a relationship for long if there's too many differences in my opinion

boymalla

Age doesn't matter at all my friend!!if you see it's tru love..go get it!!!

pauline5765

Ideally, age doesn't matter. Although of course, your conversation with this person that have a really huge age gap from you would have a totally different perspectives (because of the generation, environment, experience). There will be less chances that there are things in common between the both of you.

Sheneko

I am curious myself if a long term relationship is realistic with someone 22 years younger than myself. It is strange to me I have never been in this situation. I was not looking they found me. I really enjoy being with them, they seem to have themselves together. It is not about sex like alot of people assume it is. I am looking for some oppinions without judgement. You really do not think much about it until it happens to you.

andro_king

it purely depends on your wish..!!

kmr_mukund

it depends which type of mantility or thinking have them.in some case it is good but in some case it is bad.initially due to attraction they get close but after some time his/her think get change due to age difference.overall i can say that age difference should not greater than 10 years.

Smicha100

I have been in relationship for 16 years with someone 14 years older.Older man makes you feel secure.And that feels great ! Do not forget that your older man will have older friends too and you have to meet them and their wives which are same age as their husbands and you will not have much in common with them or they will treat you different way and you become too mature for your age.All your friends will notice that and then one day also you notice it and feel sorry that did not had enough fun with younger guys or my age.
My advice is do not look at the age but how the person makes you feel,that is most important in the life,someone you can trust and someone who cares about you.

shoaib

Off course, age really matters in relationship. I have seen many times relationships couldn't survive because of the age difference between couples. When the gap of age is bigger in relationship then that relation suffers due to the differences in the thinking or perceptions. The way of thinking is very different when the gap of age is vast.

johannespilz

leenQ wrote:

so i am writing a essay for UNI on this subject so i would like to thank all of you for the input.

thinking about a relationship one needs to think what it is...

its love? acceptance, company, comfort....
so one can say its filling a persons needs?
if the needs of the person is fulfilled it wont matter the age

age of a person can be in 5 ways
physical age
mental age
emotional age
maturity age
age of soul

really good column. everything makes sence especially the age of soul which i think is important. u have to go on a journey together and u can only do this if u have similar beleives. and es well age is shaped by experiences u made in the past so if u meet someone really young but who had a lot going on in life this person has a deeper personality than some your age. with deep i mean the variety of things they have experienced. like width on the other hand, which rich people have for example. they can afford everything so their life expands easily, but not on a deeper level cause they only experiencing the same things. what is intressting are the ups and downs in life, they let you grow, become "older" (thats why they say leaving your "comfort zone" is so important)

i dont care about age as long as i think the girl is mature enough, is intressting, and is excperienced. i dont wanna take the virginity of 18year old girls all the time (btw i am 26). thats boring stuff so i want someone who also matches with my sexual experiences. this is a hughe factor in age acutally. so life experience also counts for this area of life.

johans

hmmm.. that depends.. if your inlove with each other you dont think of age anymore..

playfungames

Well for me, it does matter I guess. I think that a difference upto around 7-8 years does not matter but if the numbers are greater then there might be a slight generation gap or different ways of looking at things. So as the partners grow, they might grow apart. But I have heard stories in televisions about how these people with age gaps as long as 20 years have been in relationships for a long time. But those cases are rare.

kaysch

There are so many reasons why person A is attracted to person B.
It's a good thing there is no limitation by age, race, religion, political views etc.
I guess the main thing is personal chemistry.
And it can be really nice to fall in love with somebody if there is an age difference... You see the world from another perspective.
I don't mind about that anyway.

romanmac

i think no, it's doesn't metter but but not like she has 18 and he 50.

firstroad

Imagine a couple of a 23 year old guy and a 13 year old girl... it's so weird, they won't even have sex... she isn't gonig to have period yet but if there is a couple of 23 and 33 it's natural, 87 and 77 is natural too... i think you can understand what i am talking about
but whatsoever it's not that common to see a 75 year old guy with a young womann at around 30 because they haven't got a lot in common...

loveandormoney

romanmac wrote:

i think no, it's doesn't metter but but not like she has 18 and he 50.

If the woman is 18 years old or the man is 18 years old
and the partner is 50 years old
then it is no problem.

shashwatblack

A gap of 4 to 5 years is appropriate according to me. No matter who is older. (Although i'd prefer the guy to be older.) More than that and it would be inappropriate, unless you're 40 or more. Then a gap of 10 or even 12 years would be okay.
It would be extremely inappropriate for anything more.. People do say that age is not a matter when you're in love, and that what people think shouldn't effect your relationship. Maybe it is so, but even if i try, i just can't see it that way.
For crying out loud, when you were 25, s/he was just 10, doesn't that mean anything?
I have been in love, and i can understand when people say that love is blind. But it can't be that blind, can it? How can there exist a connection with someone who was born the year passed your high school?? Whenever i see or hear about such couples i naturally think that one of them is a perv, and the other is a selfish a**hole (a gold-digger?). Maybe it's just me, maybe i'm missing something, maybe i am no one to be judging, maybe i don't really know love, but that's what i think. Maybe what i think will change in time, but i'd rather never be in a relationship with a girl who was born the day before i posted this..

loveandormoney

Quote:

No matter who is older.

This is my experience also.
The relationships are based how the 2 treat each other
and have nothing to do with the age.

huggie

freakinlame wrote:

People, I just want to know what you all think of the appropriate age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship. Does age gap matters in a relationship? We have examples of women who date younger than their age or men date way younger than their age. Is it a problem? What will occur if there is a problem at a later stage?

I've been with men in various age groups. MY EXPERIENCE was that the age factor played NO ROLE on the basis of the relationship. I've been with younger men who were more mature and thoughtful than the older ones. ALL relationships are based on compatibility. That's it....The eeeeew, gross, remarks are based solely on the observation of the two together in public. Its a biased observation. Simply put, it is just a number. I do agree with some opinions of the window where too young and I mean early teens to really know what love is in that compatibility plays a big role. Not just the heart beating a mile a minute and thinking that is love. There is a lot to love and its complicated and different for everyone, but if the two of you are not on the same track in your thinking it'll never work..no matter what your ages.. Many people divorce after years of marriage because they no longer "connect". Somebody changed and not necessarily a bad thing, they just no longer think the same way anymore. This is the perfect couple when they got married by the way.. Same or close in age according to the "Social Standards". Lets face it the divorce rate is way up there. Is age the reason why in the end? I don't think so, its far from the issue. Its all in how the two of you are compatible in that you can survive any problems that come your way....that's it.....

johans

5 years not that matters but more than 5 years matters from my point of view.

People, I just want to know what you all think of the appropriate age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship. Does age gap matters in a relationship? We have examples of women who date younger than their age or men date way younger than their age. Is it a problem? What will occur if there is a problem at a later stage?

I've been with men in various age groups. MY EXPERIENCE was that the age factor played NO ROLE on the basis of the relationship. I've been with younger men who were more mature and thoughtful than the older ones. ALL relationships are based on compatibility. That's it....The eeeeew, gross, remarks are based solely on the observation of the two together in public. Its a biased observation. Simply put, it is just a number. I do agree with some opinions of the window where too young and I mean early teens to really know what love is in that compatibility plays a big role. Not just the heart beating a mile a minute and thinking that is love. There is a lot to love and its complicated and different for everyone, but if the two of you are not on the same track in your thinking it'll never work..no matter what your ages.. Many people divorce after years of marriage because they no longer "connect". Somebody changed and not necessarily a bad thing, they just no longer think the same way anymore. This is the perfect couple when they got married by the way.. Same or close in age according to the "Social Standards". Lets face it the divorce rate is way up there. Is age the reason why in the end? I don't think so, its far from the issue. Its all in how the two of you are compatible in that you can survive any problems that come your way....that's it.....

Yes.
This is true.

The problem is the concept:

I want to love my darling.

I want to fight with my darling.

The decision is Yours.

Insanity

I think that age matters less and less after you get past a certain age. There's a huge difference after someone graduates from university, and after that most people start to be more mature and similar in their life outlooks. Of course, thsi would depend on the person, but for the most part, after that threshold, the age difference doesn't matter as much as long as they both feel the same way.

I think that people who are much younger than that don't have the maturity to be in a long term relationship because they don't have the right mindset as someone who is older. There is a reason why a lot of relationships that start in high school don't end up working out because the individuals involved are not mature enough to talk things out in their relationship, communicate, and be mature about arguments and what they want in life.

loveandormoney

It sounds like

relationship is a business.

But when You use Your head as computer before Your kiss
does this concept really work?

Blummer

I'm not aware of how it actually feels to have a feeling for someone slightly younger or older. Always had relations with people of exactly my age. You never realize until you experience, however, we see thousands of couples of different ages. Which means something exists. And it's simply very individual.

loveandormoney

Blummer wrote:

I'm not aware of how it actually feels to have a feeling for someone slightly younger or older. Always had relations with people of exactly my age. You never realize until you experience, however, we see thousands of couples of different ages. Which means something exists. And it's simply very individual.

Congratulations for having no problems in relationships. The problem is:
Human at the age of 21 and Human at the age of 61

I just remember a famous pair.

The problem is the old one will teach and preach a lot because she or he is older. That is the reason
people marry an human at same age.