Looking for answers to life's questions

Archive for October, 2013

We don’t get trick or treaters here at the apartment complex. There are mostly elderly and college kids living here. An odd mix I’d say but the few children that live here go to churches or parks that have arranged entertainment for them. It’s a different world than when my kids were little. The mothers in our neighborhood walked together with the kids for safety and we knew our neighbors. I do imagine that is still true in many places.

My daughter made a great witch. Almost no movement until the kids got real close.

Last year I decorated, hoping that a few stray children would find their way here. Now I know better. This year I put up the few decorations I have and had all but written Halloween off as a lost cause. It can happen as you age. Bummer.

web shooting squirt gun got the porch ready for Halloween

Then comes the announcement in my writing groups. Our leader is a sugar junky too and looks for reasons to get us connected and having some fun while struggling to bring stories to paper. We are having a Halloween party in both creative writing and memoir classes so I have to bring some kind of treat both days. I’m off sugar again so it will be something relatively healthy. I’m not a kid anymore and the treats stay around way too long…on my hips. It will give a new twist to a day that has brought some tough times. I wrote about some of it in last year’s post. This week, I wrote about my most memorable Halloween for my memoir class. There weren’t many to choose from. I may post it as creative non-fiction after giving it some careful thought.

They are writers, really! Great imaginations.

October 31 is also my two-year blogging anniversary. The reason for blogging was to connect with someone who could give me insight into why I still had Bells and how to get rid of it. Well, the Bells Palsy is still here but my reason for blogging has little to do with it. I am still on the search for the best way to move through life with as much fun and joy as possible in spite of the small hitch called Bells. I have learned so much from each person who reads my blog and those that I follow. I’m trying to read more because you are all so varied and wise in different ways. So this Halloween is the start of happy and different Halloweens. I’ve included pictures of my creative writing class party as we read, write and eat. What fun it was. Also a few of the Halloween at my son’s house two years ago. He has a great neighborhood for trick or treating.

They take their holiday seriously like their writing

I wish you all a very happy Halloween and a lack of extra girth to your mid-sections. Have your Halloween’s changed over the years?

We have a couple in their 90’s all the way to the 30’sAn eclectic group

We all remember certain days of the year that have meaning for us. Today, October 19th, is one such date for our family. For most of you it’s just another day. Usually, some event will turn it from ordinary to memorable.

Twenty-Three years ago, on this date, my children lost their father. He had one heart attack, no warning, and was gone in an instant at 42 years of age. Our son tried to save him but couldn’t. We were no longer married at the time but still, I cared deeply for him and was angry with him for dying. I know, it’s an odd response. I was angry that he didn’t take care of himself well enough to be there for his kids.

Rick, two days younger than me.

Rick’s death changed us all. Every year, October 19th rolls around and we all get quieter. We reflect on what could have been and the empty space that was left behind. He left two wonderful slightly grown children. His family of origin took it hard too, of course.

We tried really hard.

Today, Rick’s younger brother, John is attempting to give this date a slightly different meaning. John is getting re-married today and although we are too far away to attend, our hearts and our love are with him. John is a month younger than my son, his nephew. Yes, those things do happen.

Age 18 months John has the darker hair.

There are many dates on our calendars that are significant for various reasons. Some make us happy, some, not so much. Some dates we have to find a way to redefine. I have a number of dates that rub me a bit raw. Then I try to find ways to celebrate each and every day and moment with each person here or not. I never forget an “I love you” or a hug. Events change us and remind us how precious each moment can be. There is no “later”. Only NOW.

Best wishes to John and Linda as they embark on a new meaning for this day. I hope it brings nothing but happy memories and new ways to define this date.
How many days have you had to give new meaning?

I read a post last week by “To Breathe is to Write” that got my writing juices flowing. She hit on a topic of conversation that I can be quite verbose about given the opportunity. I’m taking that opportunity now. If you go back and read this post, you’ll see what got me going.

She mentioned not being a Fashionista. I could so relate. I’ve rarely had the funds for fashion. I barely had the funds for clothes and by the time high school arrived, I made three skirts in basic black, brown and navy stretch with six basic blouses.Then, in the 80’s and 90’s they were selling a lot of prepackaged color packets. I went to a seminar on personal colors. This seminar was about doing it differently and I was interested.

What I learned, after getting so hooked that I studied for a whole year, was that a lot of women dress in a way that makes them invisible. I actually had a client come back and ask me how to be invisible while traveling in parts of the world where her safety wasn’t assured. I knew the tricks and her travels went well.

During much of my life I have wanted to be invisible and as I’ve aged, found that to be quite easy. But that’s a whole other topic. Recently, I got rid of all my man shirts and have sought out a softer, more fun and feminine look. Since I can’t buy what I want, I’m trying to sew it.

My course taught me that color and style should reflect the personality and coloring of each individual. Family members often don’t wear the same colors. Age had little to do with it, personality and coloring was where the statement starts. I’m considerably more energetic than my daughter. My colors can be a tad brighter but not as bright or bold as someone who loves the spotlight. If you watch news anchors or talk show hosts like Ellen, see if you can tell when what they wear just makes their eye colors pop. That’s when they have your attention. The rest of the time you are looking at the color of their clothes. The clothes are wearing them.

If you are in business, a teacher, leader, boss, or anytime you need to get someone to pay attention to what you say, wear colors that draw attention to your eyes. It doesn’t need to be expensive or even the latest style. Your clothes should not command more attention than your face and specifically, your eyes.

I have never been a fashion slave. My style now is classic with pops of noisy, effervescence. Clothes should also tell the truth about who you are at first glance. Are you quiet, bouncy, take charge, artistic or walking on air with aloofness? The first 10 seconds tell people everything. Tell them the truth; not what some young designer wants for your truth to be. If you want to be invisible, go for it but understand you are creating that. That applies to men as well as women.

I wore a lot of monochromatic. It was my way of staying quiet. I’m really quite noisy. Now I wear more colors at a time.

Also, no one is just one color harmony. We have two parents, and lots of grandparents. My daughter was a struggle for me in every way from the moment she could walk and talk. I could not even do her colors, taking her instead to my instructor. As an Autumn/Summer, her personality was strong and quiet at the same time. Talk about mixed messages. Her energy was slower than mine and her colors had to reflect that. We have been better friends since I learned her harmonies. And yes, sometimes she blows off what she knows looks best and wears what she just likes. Sometimes it’s just not so important.

I carrry these with me all the time. My couch matches my colors too.

Her brother has her same eye color but more energy, as his colors reflect. When talking to him about this post he reminded me that we most often pick out colors by how they make us feel or by how we want to feel. That said, I will tell you that everyone can wear every color. It’s the value and tone. Yellow is a tricky one but there is a shade of yellow for you. Yellow makes us happy. Blue, trustworthy etc.

There are colors I love, but they don’t love me. I like purple, but a warm berry doesn’t swallow me whole. I have to do purples in pens or vases. Even my quilts tend to be more my colors since I’m going to be sitting around them and I want to look nice near them. Oops, is that a bit of vanity creeping in.

Light was essential for clients sitting in front of me. Those drawers held Thousands of color swatches.

Most of the time, it’s hard to find our colors in fashion. When I do, I snag it. I’m still in the basics but my shirts are more often in my colors

even my quilt has my colors. I’m drawn to them naturally now.

Like I said, this is a passionate subject for me and since I’m trying to make friends, it’s time to take off the cloak of invisibility. Do you ever wonder why the clerk at the store ignores you? How do you choose what to wear? Do you long to command respectful attention or be invisible?

The last week has been quiet and I’ve been unbalanced. I’m hoping it comes from the change in barometric pressure. When I get this tippy, I hold on for dear life.

Last week was the first time I’ve seen a doctor in three years. I have Medicare now and thought I’d get acquainted. As I walked down the narrow flat-yellow hall to the doctor’s office, I almost went completely over. I’ve never had that reaction before. It’s like the wall was moving. No one seemed concerned. The doctor wasn’t happy with me because I refused the flu and pneumonia shots. I take no medications and other than residual effects of Bells Palsy, I’m quite healthy and work to stay that way. He really didn’t want to address anything to do with the Bells.

So the time down has been spent reading a great deal. I received this little book for my birthday from my ex-daughter-in-law. It was a quick read and I enjoyed it. I don’t think we ever get done growing ourselves into who we want to be. The idea that we are supposed to stay the same while life changes all around seems ludicrous.

I was a sweet easy read. Gave me some food for thought.

The mail last week brought this beautiful sympathy card from the wonderful Alys at Gardening Nirvana after I had to let sweet Gracie go to her final sleep. The colors in the card reminded me of another blogger I love to follow. I wonder who that could be? I had to sit with the kindness and thoughtfulness for several days. I’m not usually on the receiving end of these things. She is a woman of many talents and an extremely large heart. I love blogging just because I get to meet such terrific people. I mentioned to Bethany at Journey to Ithaca that you don’t have to see or talk to people to know their hearts. It comes out in their writing. There are so many like them that keep me going when the going gets tippy.

Loved the colors. Reminds me of someone?

Little envelope inside card. All handmade.

She made the whole envelope as well. How talented can a person be?

Not all my time has been spent in a book this week. My daughter was over on Saturday to bake chocolate chip cookies for her handyman friend. My kitchen is bigger and brighter so the baking goes so much easier. The cookies are for barter. The friend puts her AC unit in her window in early summer and removes it when the weather has turned cool. Yes, we are there once again. Since he will take no cash for the few minutes it takes and loves (homemade) chocolate chip cookies above all else, we put the oven to good use heating the apartment at the same time.

The other half went to work with her to entice them to hire her on permanent.

Since the temperatures have been dropping like a rock and I had the ingredients, I baked up another 9 dozen cookies and stored them out of my reach. Warmed up my toes and I’ll be ready to pass them out for all the holiday events. Yes, I start early. The holidays take a lot of energy so I have to be strategic with it. Sorry to bring the subject up to those that aren’t ready to deal with it. Cold weather does that to me. How are you bringing a little balance into your life? Are you finding the weather is throwing you more curves than you field? Is it summer, fall or winter where you live or changing every day?

“It’s not that I believe everything happens for a reason. It’s just that . . . I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It’s the universe’s way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It’s how life is.”― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever