Sunday, September 14, 2014

Domestic Violence Hits Us Too

The infamous video showing Ray Rice punching his then fiancée Janay
Palmer in an elevator of a now defunct Atlantic City casino hotel and its ugly
aftermath triggered a firestorm of anger and recrimination throughout the
country.One positive effect, however,
was that the horrific incident shed light on the shadows of silence concerning
the ongoing problem of domestic violence or intimate partner violence and abuse
(IPV/A).

IPV/A had been seen by many as a heterosexual problem.Yet statistics gathered from studies indicate
that same-sex relationships have been afflicted by IPV/A at similar rates to
straight couples.

A spokeswoman for Baltimore-based House of Ruth Maryland, an
organization whose mission, in part, is to provide safe shelter to abused women,
children and men and have recently expanded to include LGBT clients, said, “Rates of physical partner violence victimization are
higher among gay male and transgender relationships and happen equally as often
in lesbian relationships when compared to IPV in heterosexual relationships.”

This is backed up by the Center for American Progress,
which notes, “One out of four to one out of
three same-sex relationships has experienced domestic violence.By comparison, one in every four heterosexual
women experiences domestic violence in her lifetime.”

At this point, there aren’t any
available IPV/A police statistics in Baltimore pertaining to same-sex
situations.“We track all domestic
violence and domestic disputes. We do not break those statistics down by
orientation,” said Lt. J. Eric Kowalczyk, a spokesman for the Baltimore City
Police Department. “We are now in the process of building a system to do just
that.”

Intimate partner violence is defined by House of Ruth as “a pattern of
coercively controlling behaviors used by a current or previous partner to gain
or maintain power and control over the other partner.”This could include physical, psychological
and/or emotional abuse and intimidation.

Baltimore area resident R.J.
Ladd lived together with his boyfriend on and off for three years.The boyfriend had a tendency to get drunk and
to fight. “I’d try and walk away from him with no success,” explains Ladd who
believes IPV/A
is an important issue and from which the LGBT community should not feel they
are immune.

“We were in multiple fights,
three of which I lost teeth that are still evident to this day. I would just try and do things his way and just
agree even when he was wrong. It still didn’t work, and we would continue to
have fights. He would assume I was
sleeping with all my friends—I wasn’t—but the fighting still continued.”

Victims of IPV/A who are in same-sex relationships encounter issues that
are distinctive from IPV/A in heterosexual relationships.For instance,
an abusive partner may threaten to “out” a partner’s sexuality to family,
friends, or co-workers as a tactic to get that person to stay in a relationship
or to coerce the victim in order to get what he or she wants.

“I’d try and walk away from him with no success. We were in multiple fights, three of which I
lost teeth that are still evident to this day.”—R.J. Ladd

LGBT individuals whose
families/friends don’t support their sexuality have fewer sources of support,
increasing isolation and making it hard to end abusive relationships.Abusers use this to keep a relationship
going; they remind the victim how alone he or she will be if he or she leaves.

Additionally, the Center for
American Progress points out that lesbian and gay victims are more reluctant to
report abuse to legal authorities. Survivors may not contact law enforcement
agencies because doing so would force them to reveal their sexual orientation
or gender identity.

Gay and lesbian victims are also
reluctant to seek help out of fear of showing a lack of solidarity among the
gay and lesbian community. Similarly, many gay men and women hide their abuse
out of a heightened fear that society will perceive same-sex relation- ships as
inherently dysfunctional.

Gay and lesbian victims are more
likely to fight back than are heterosexual women. This can lead law enforcement
to conclude that the fighting was mutual, overlooking the larger context of
domestic violence and the history of power and control in the relationship.

Abusers can threaten to take
away the children from the victim. In some states, adoption laws do not allow
same-sex parents to adopt each other’s children. This can leave the victim with
no legal rights should the couple separate. The abuser can easily use the
children as leverage to prevent the victim from leaving or seeking help. And in
the worst cases, the children could end up in the custody of the abuser.

House of Ruth, which is now partnered with the Baltimore Ravens and has
received an increase in donations as a result of the Ray Rice matter and who
has a 24-hour Hotline, 410-889-RUTH (7884), offers the following tips:

●Plan for your physical safety

●Inform those closest to you
about what's going on

●Establish a code word to
check in with friends or family

●Take threats seriously

●Consider applying for a Protection
Order and carry it with you at all times

●Do not use mobile apps that
track your whereabouts such as Foursquare or “tag” on Facebook

●Turn the GPS function of
your phone off

IPV/A strikes people of all
races, age groups, socio-economic status, sexual orientations and
identities.It is critical to be on
guard against possible IPV/A and to take the necessary steps to deal with the
situation.Clearly, IPV/A has been
around forever and is not going away soon.

1 comment:

Dana Beyer
said...

Thanks, Steve. This is so important.

The worst problem underlying IPA in our community is the refusal of the abused's friends to even acknowledge the existence of the abuse. This encourages a false sense of control and power in the abused, who then becomes less likely to seek help or leave and woe to anyone who dares buck the peer pressure; she then becomes the problem, not the abuser herself.

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This blog contains a compilation of recent articles--mostly political and local theatre reviews-- appearing in MD Theatre Guide, Baltimore OUTloud, Washington Blade, Gay Life, Outsports.com, published letters, and commentary. My letters to the editor have appeared in such publications as TIME, USA Today, Washington Post, Baltimore Sun, Columbia Flier/Howard County Times, City Paper (Baltimore)and Washington Blade.
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