First they were trying to end legal abortion. Then they decided that contraception, far from being a basic health care right, is actually “a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” And now, continuing their quest to shrink government until it does nothing but monitor your bedroom and legislate your vagina, they are coming for your fellatio, your cunnilingus, and of course, all of your anal play.

Yes, Virginia may indeed be for lovers, but if Virginia Attorney General and gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli gets his way, it will be for only vanilla penis in vagina type lovers. From Mother Jones:

Virginia gubernatorial candidate and state attorney general Ken Cuccinelli launched a website promoting his effort to enforce the state’s law banning oral and anal sex.

What law would that be? Well it would be Virginia’s Anti-sodomy law, of course. Now I know what a lot of you are probably thinking, so let me take a moment to address that. Ahem….

A. If any person carnally knows in any manner any brute animal, or carnally knows any male or female person by the anus or by or with the mouth, or voluntarily submits to such carnal knowledge, he or she shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony, except as provided in subsection B.

Let me assure you that subsection B does not say “except when such knowledge occurs between a married man and woman, or any other proper heterosexual couple.” No, subsection B just changes the class of felony for cases of incest. Are we clear on this now? This isn’t an anti-homosexual law, it is an anti-sex law. Get a blow job? Felon. Give a blow job? Felon. Eat some pussy? Felon. Get a rimmer? Felon. Strap-on? Felon. Take part in a 69? Receive 69 fucking felonies! If you do anything sexually with your consenting adult partner that is not penis in vagina sex, Virginia considers you a felon. And Virginia’s Attorney General, the GOP’s candidate for Governor of Virginia, Ken Cuccinelli is defending this law. Hell, more than defending this law, he is trumpeting his defense of this law to the masses.

How could anyone think that criminalizing oral sex would be a winner politically? Simple. He is going to try to deceive voters and convince them that this is a law that protects children rather than one that criminalizes consensual adult sex. How could you not want to protect children? Continuing the Mother Jones article:

“Keep Virginia Children Safe!” the site proclaims. It goes on to argue that the anti-sodomy law Cuccinelli is defending is really an “anti-child predators law” that has kept 90 people on the state’s sex offender registry.

Last month, Cuccinelli appealed to the Supreme Court, after an appeals court ruled that the anti-sodomy law is unconstitutional. The Supreme Court already declared laws banning sodomy unconstitutional in Lawrence v. Texas back in 2003, but Virginia kept its “Crimes Against Nature” law on the books. Cuccinelli has been trying to use that statute to prosecute a man for having oral sex with two teenagers.The AG insists that the law is “an important tool that prosecutors use to put child molesters in jail.”

With the new website, Cuccinelli is trying to put Democratic gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe on the defensive, arguing that he’s “playing politics instead of protecting our children.”

This specific case deals with a man who was prosecuted under the “Crimes Against Nature” statute for having had oral sex with women, a felony offense under that law. The man in the case, William MacDonald, was in his late 40s when he was charged with having consensual oral sex with two young women who were, at the time, ages 16 and 17. While that might be seen as creepy, in Virginia, the age of consent is 15 years old. It is considered statutory rape—a felony offense—to have sex with anyone under that age. Under state law, an adult can be prosecuted for “causing” delinquency by having sex with someone between the ages of 15 and 18, but that is only a misdemeanor. MacDonald was convicted of such a misdemeanor, and his lawyers aren’t challenging that conviction. But they have challenged—so far, successfully—the state’s attempt to prosecute him for violating the “Crimes Against Nature” law.

Because Virginia still has this anti-sodomy law on the books, the state wants to use it against MacDonald and win a felony conviction. The state, however, couldn’t prosecute him under this statute if he had engaged in vaginal sex. That is, the state is trying to use a loophole in the law that makes oral, but not vaginal, sex a felony in order to go after this guy. The court of appeals determined that MacDonald could not be prosecuted under this law because the US Supreme Court ruled in 2003 that such laws are an unconstitutional “intrusion into the personal and private life of the individual.”

The “Crimes against Nature” statute is unconstitutional. Period. Now matter how creepy a man in his late 40’s having consensual oral sex with 16 and 17 year olds may be, according to Virginia law it is not statutory rape; the teens are over the age of consent. If the state is pissed that all they can charge this man with is a misdemeanor for “causing delinquency,” the answer is not to roll out a law that has already been declared unconstitutional. They can work to change the age of consent, or to add a “Romeo and Juliet” clause to the law that keeps 15 as the age of consent as long as there is a limited age difference between the two. As Kate Sheppard continues:

If Cuccinelli’s concern is sex with minors, he should focus on changing Virginia’s age of consent rules, not defending a law that the Supreme Court has said is indefensible. But in 2004, when a bipartisan group of Virginia legislators tried to change the law so that it would only apply to public sex, sex with minors, and prostitution, Cuccinelli opposed the bill. “My view is that homosexual acts, not homosexuality, but homosexual acts are wrong,” he told a local paper in 2009. “They’re intrinsically wrong. And I think in a natural law based country it’s appropriate to have policies that reflect that. … They don’t comport with natural law.”

Ken Cuccinelli does not want this law on the books to protect children, no matter what his website says, no matter what interviews he gives, no matter what attacks he unleashes on his Democratic opponent for Governor. He had the chance to change the law into one that would pass the constitutional test and protect children while leaving what consenting adults did behind closed doors out of it. He opposed that option, and exposed himself.

Either Ken Cuccinelli is so against homosexual acts that he is willing to support any law that makes them illegal, even if said law also criminalizes a large percentage of heterosexual sexual activities, or he believes that the only sexual act that consenting adults should be legally allowed to perform is penis in vagina sex, preferably in the missionary position with the lights out and the proper amount of shame, perhaps some tears as well, after the nasty, dirty, sinful act.

One way or the other, do you really want to elect someone Governor who thinks government’s proper place is inside your underwear?

Do not let Ken Cuccinelli get away with this obfuscation. Just like Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell became known as “Governor Ultrasound” because of his extremist views, make sure that Ken Cuccinelli is known as the guy who wants to ban oral sex. Make sure people know exactly what the Crimes against Nature statute bans, and what sodomy actually is. Make sure women know that if they can not orgasm through vanilla sexual intercourse, Ken Cuccinelli wants to ban their orgasms. “A Vote for Ken is a Vote for No Orgasms!” If you are a woman living in Virginia and your husband or boyfriend has Chronic Male Patterned Republicanism, make sure he understands that Ken wants blowjobs to be illegal, and you would never risk offending the Governor of your great state by performing an act he considers a crime. If you live in Virginia and know someone suffering from Homophobia, remind them that since homosexuals make up a small portion of the population, the vast majority of sodomy is committed by heterosexuals, and then let him know that you will be there for him when ever he is ready to come out of the closet.

Speaking of homophobic closet cases…. You got to wonder about someone so against homosexual sex that he is willing to ban heterosexual sex. Not saying that he is or anything, but the quicker we send Ken down to a defeat fitting a man who is against oral sex, the quicker he can admit that he wants to gobble the cock, if indeed that is the cause of his all encompassing bigotry.

About the Author

Described as "intelligent but self-destructive," Foster Disbelief spent his twenties furiously attempting to waste his potential in a haze of religion and heroin. Science and atheism allowed him to escape his twin addictions and he now spends his days attempting to make the most of his three remaining brain cells.