Character Interview: the Peens

The subjects of this interview more than slightly resemble human anatomy.

Images may be considered Not Safe for Work, or British School Children, or YouSince I don’t know how to make one of those Adult Content Warning things you have to scroll down to get to the interview.

There are pictures!

You have been warned!

Peens, the Interview

Q. I’m sure everyone’s first thought upon meeting you is what is your origins story? Where did you come from and why?
A. The Peenvengers were created in a yarn factory when there was an
explosion of radioactive crochet hooks. So far the peens in our particular
Legion of Superpeens that have been given life are: Captain Ameripeen,
Ironpeen, Antpeen, Thor, and Hulk.

Q. Not all peens have superhero alter-egos. Tell us about some of your more mundane peen friends.
A. One of the very first peens to emerge from the yarn factory was Mr.
Pinky, followed soon thereafter by Rocky, whom we rescued from Justin
Beaver. Other everyday peens include Shaft, Erik the Peenk, Nick O Dick,
Percy, Mr. Perky, The Brain, Silver Fox, and so many others! I’m sure we’re forgetting some of our sweet peen friends. They all live with their human handlers in happiness and health. Some of them are finger peens, like Antpeen, useful for getting your point across and being a buddy.

And, recently, more superhero peens have begun to emerge, such as Double Deadpeen and Wolverpeen. The radioactive crochet hooks aren’t finished yet. There are many peens to come, and you can actually order one from our handler at https://www.etsy.com/shop/CraftyMeanKitty

Q. As a being of crochet, do you increase and decrease in stitches often, orare you one of those what we see is what we get?
A. While some of us are bendy, we do not change in size once we have been created. Our pattern is thus: we begin with the magical number of six, usually, and indulge in frequent increases until our faces burst into the world. Eyeballs are chosen with great care. After a severe decrease, we
increase again gradually, lengthening, expanding, and widening until we
reach the pinnacle of our peenness. Most of us, additionally, are created
with hard yet friendly stabilizers to buttress us in our adventures.

Q. Is it true that peens have fortune telling skills?

A. When in a large enough group (a group of peens is a pentacular of peens, probably), crochet peens are INDEED gifted with the skill of foretelling the future, if our patterns can be interpreted by a sufficiently gifted reader. It is a bit like rolling the bones combined with tarot cards.Q. What has been your most harrowing adventure yet?A. Since only one of our adventures has been recorded so far, we’re going to have to go with that time we saved a poor innocent bystander from the wicked Justin Beaver. EVERYONE can join in that adventure in our new coloring pages created by Laura Medeiros.

Q. Where can we follow the tales of your daring deeds?A. For now, our adventures and bios are posted on our very own website:www.crochetpeen.com. There is a neglected Tumblr that our human doesn’t ever update. We have attempted to coax her to be less lazy, but it’s not easy to coax people when you have no opposable thumbs or mouths.

Q. Is life better for a peen with a hat?A. Yes. which is why Hulk is sooooo inclined to steal Captain Ameripeen’s helmet.

Q. What are your secret party tricks?A. There’s a secret party?? Why weren’t we invited!

Q. What has been the most fulfilling moment in your life as a peen?A. This interview, of course!

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The Peenvengers’ personal handler is author and crocheter Jody Wallace, who writes [hyterical] SF/F and contemporary romance. Ms. Wallace went to school a long time and ended up with a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing. Her resume includes college English instructor, technical documents editor, market analyst, web designer, and all around pain in the butt. She resides in Tennessee with one husband, two children, one Grandma, seven cats, and a lot of junk. PS The Peens are not junk.You should follow Jody (and the peens)

2 thoughts on “Character Interview: the Peens”

I had a peen sighting last year. Avengerpeens were visiting a state park with their handler. There was this party, and suddenly there was a bag o’peens, and fortunes were being told. It was fascinating. I volunteered to have my future read that night, and their skill was impressive. They knew things. Seriously, I’m still not the same.