How JustAnswer Works:

Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.

Get a Professional Answer

Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.Ask follow up questions if you need to.

100% Satisfaction Guarantee

Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist

Category: Mental Health

Satisfied Customers: 3189

Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

65591635

Type Your Mental Health Question Here...

Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now

I have been caring for my neighbors 3 yr old since the day

Resolved Question:

I have been caring for my neighbors 3 yr old since the day he was born. Very much in love, like he was my own. His mother and i have had issues in the past and recently she threatened to remove him from my care and I came out and asked, "Is that a treat?" She said YES! Also told me, "No, matter what, you will not care for him next year! So, being very upset at her 'using' him, I told her that 'fine, today is his last day". Anyway, I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX a big way. She said she accepted it, but found him someone else to care for him and that she would appreciate "not seeing" him till he adjusts.

Since then, they have kept him 'secluded' in the home with no outside activities. I am just devastated and worry about him constantly. There is a very strong bond between him and I and don't feel, again, that she has made a 'good' decision.

How do you feel this decision of his parents will affect him emotionally? I have a pretty good idea, but need your opinion.

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation in your life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is very painful to face a situation like this the way you do, only you know how hard it is, but it is real and this child's parents are the ones who have full control of it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are right, children develop real bonding to care givers during first months - year of life, and if good attachment develops for further years, it becomes a very healthy, fulfilling and powerful presence and influence int he child's life.

Customer:

I know, it's just so very sad to be sooo close and to watch everyday! Do I just stay away or should I request a visit?

Customer:

Yes, I cared for another child yrs ago, he's 15 now and found me on facebook and told me he thinks of me often!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Here there is no doubt about what the ideal scenario would be, but it is about what his parents are willing or not to allow. You can take all the initiatives you want, hoping for the best, XXXXX XXXXX will continue to decide if they allow it or not. the best you can do is to try and see if they are open to it.

Customer:

I believe they feel that the "out of sight, out of mind" theory will work! They have closed all drapes, all shutters, and are keep their glass door closed. He LOVES being outside and they are not allowing it. It's just so hard to watch. So sad, but I understand THEY ARE the parents, their decisions.......

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure, when deep and healthy bonding and attachment develop, people play a powerful impact in each others' lives, and in situations like yours, it could be very frustrating to find yourself not having the closeness you used to because of parents' decision or other changes leading to the end of such close relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is very sad and frustrating, but as painful as it sounds, reality is that they are the ones with the power to choose how they raise their children, even when their decisions could not be the healthiest and wisest ones.

Customer:

I also worry...because she drinks every night. I worry, I worry!! There was one episode, I heard a huge, loud argument, so I walked over and was told "I pushed him, the child, a little too hard! I was livid. The husband is, well, has no balls!!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You truly care and that's why you feel the way you feel.

Customer:

I do care and love him deeply. I wish I could have formed a better relationship with the parents, tried, tried and tried! She always treated me as an "employee", never a friend! Just so sad!

Customer:

Rafael, I knew what you were going to say, I was praying there was more I could do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks though!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Children do totally depend on parents, whether they happen to be more or less healthy. If she has personal issues or problems with alcohol, sure that could easily lead to neglectful behavior, but they both are responsible for him. We all are allowed and could file report to social services or police if we suspect a child is being neglected or abused, just be aware of how beneficial it would truly be for the child, and all the consequences, positive or negative it would create.

Customer:

I know..........................neglected no, abused, don't think so but that one incident. Verbally...maybe when drinking! ????

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily there is nothing more anybody could do, but to take good care of yourself while avoiding pushing them, since they current behaviors limiting that much their child activities are, as you said, a reaction -retaliation to what happened between you. Thus I believe that once they perceive you respect their decision, they would not react that dysfunctionally.

Customer:

Thanks again, I will sign off now!

Customer:

Will do my best and pray that it's all in God's hand now!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unless there are concrete reasons to suspect serious neglect or abuse, social services or police would not further intervene. If she has a drinking problem, i could lead to abuse or neglect, no way to know, it would all depends on their personal and marital and parenting issues. Unhappily you cannot play a close role in this child's life anymore, and that's very painful, you are grieving the loss, and need to work on healing from it.

I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly.
Thank you very muchCorrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly.
Thank you very muchCorrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and
confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the
examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as
well! ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.I feel better already! Thank you.ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet VPhoenix, AZ

Ask a Mental Health Professional

Get a Professional Answer. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.

137 Mental Health Professionals are Online Now

Type Your Mental Health Question Here...

characters left:

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.