Friday, April 1

"That's right, folks! I'm gonna slam dunk this touchdown right in the goal!"

According to an anonymous source, Seattle native and smooth jazz superstar Kenny G has finalized a deal to purchase the beleaguered Sacramento Kings and will relocate the team to his hometown. Seattle has been actively seeking a replacement for their beloved Supersonics since the team bolted to Oklahoma.

While the move to Seattle still has to be approved by the league, the best-selling musician is already planning big changes for the team.

G says he will personally oversee a massive overhaul to Key Arena, something the NBA has stated would have to be addressed before a team could return to the stadium.

"I'm going to replace all those glaring lights with scented candles. Something soft and romantic. Oh, and their costumes have got to change. I really hate those vests they wear on the basketball field. I'm thinking something in silk. And maybe a cape?"

While the deal may come as a surprise to many, NBA commissioner David Stern already seems onboard with the move.

"As much as I detest the idea of Seattle getting a basketball team, I simply cannot resist the smooth jazz charms of Kenny G," says Stern. "Besides, I'm selling the league to China next week, so who gives a crap, right? Oh, and don't print that last part, it's sort a of a secret."