Client Etiquette

Now that you’ve scheduled an appointment with your provider, there are some basic tips and etiquette you need to keep in mind before, during, and after your appointment. It’s important to keep in mind that you should defer to the provider’s web site if she has one. She’ll often have her own set of guidelines spelled out for you to help make your experience with her as good as it can be. The stuff I’m giving you here is an adjunct to that, or might be considered perhaps a minimum set of expectations.

Keep in mind also that these are guidelines for the way things are done in the United States. Things may be a bit different if you live in another country, especially in places where prostitution is legal or unregulated.

Working out the Details

Once your provider has cleared you through her screening process, she’ll contact you either by phone or e-mail to work out the details of your appointment. You’ll work out a specific time for your date, along with other pertinent details such as the location, how to get there, etc. In some cases, she might carry on a conversation with you (I do that to get a feel for my clients’ personalities, but some don’t).

DO NOT mention anything about sex or sexual services in your initial contacts with the provider if she does not provide a list of sexual services on her web site. If she does, then you can ask basic questions without getting dirty. Providers are there to provide companionship, and discussing sex for fees is solicitation (which is illegal, in the U.S. at least). If you wish to know what kind of experience you’ll have, read her reviews (if she allows them). If you get all porny, she’ll likely break off contact altogether. For most providers, it is acceptable to discuss your “interests” so long as they aren’t discussed in the context of sex (“I have a fetish for facials. Is that something you’d be interested in discussing?)

Appropriate subjects for conversation are a little about yourself, without getting graphic (don’t tell us how big your cock is), why you’re coming to town, what kind of plans you have, etc.

Don’t try to negotiate rates, unless she specifically mentions in her ads or on her web site that she’ll negotiate (very rare) . That’s the quickest way to turn a provider off – some will even leave if you attempt to try to get her to reduce what she’s charging. You don’t negotiate rates with your doctor, so don’t expect to with your provider.

And finally, don’t ask the provider for additional photos, or photos that show her face. The set she has on her web site are all that she’s willing to share with clients, and of course, we have to keep our faces hidden for our own safety and security (and) yours as well.

Dress

Dress as if it were a first date unless she has specified otherwise on her web site or in her conversations with you. Most believe that dressing business casual is just fine, but if you’re unsure just ask. She’ll be happy to tell you what she prefers. Obviously, if you’re going out to the symphony, to dinner, or to some special function, then what you wear will need to be appropriate for that function.

She’ll likely ask you how you want her dressed. If you have no preference, then just tell her to show up in something she’s comfortable in (or feels sexy in). Don’t ask her to dress “slutty” or some way that is going to attract attention on a first date. Once she gets comfortable with you, she may enjoy playing that way in the future, but she’s not going to show up on a random date looking like a whore.

Hygiene

Poor hygiene is perhaps a professional’s biggest pet peeve. You’d be surprised at how many clients don’t shower or spruce up before we show up. Remember – this is a date, and though it is a professional one, that doesn’t mean we should be the only one who expends some effort to clean up. Even if you’re booking a quickie (15 or 30 minute session), you should still at a minimum clean your pubic area/genitals if you believe sex may be involved.

Take a shower right before she arrives, shave, brush your teeth, etc. If going to an incall location, she may provide you with access to a shower. Ask if her web site doesn’t specify. If you’ve been at work all day and stop by to see her for an appointment, you’ll be expected to take a quick shower in most cases. Many providers have a basic set of toiletries available for your use.

Make sure you have fresh breath. Don’t eat garlic or onion right before I come over, please!! I try to avoid eating anything that has onion or garlic in it if I have an appointment that evening. Garlic is not something that is easy to mask, either, so even chewing a ton of gum isn’t going to hide it.

Many providers will not see smokers, or will at least prefer that you not smoke during sessions. Some don’t care. If her web site doesn’t specify, just ask. Again, not unlike garlic and onion, smoker’s breath is quite rancid to someone who doesn’t smoke. If you prefer a provider who doesn’t smoke, and her web site doesn’t specify, again, just ask. Those who do will usually be happy to refrain from smoking for a couple of hours before they come to see you.

If you’re intoxicated or high, your provider is likely to just turn around and leave. Dealing with someone who’s not in full possession of their faculties is a pain in the ass at best and is often dangerous for us and for you. If you’re expecting a provider, lay off the booze (light amounts of wine are fine, but don’t over do it).

Upon Her Arrival (for an outcall)

If she’s coming to your hotel or office, provide her with information such as where to park, which entrance to use, where the elevators are (you don’t want her wandering around looking for the elevators – that’s the best way to attract the attention of hotel security, and if she gets in trouble, usually you will, too!), and of course your floor and room number.

Have your identification ready if she requires it- some do, some don’t. Driver’s license or a passport both suffice. If she’s unable to verify you’re who you say you are, she might leave.

If she’s a GFE, then you can expect a light kiss when she walks in. If this is your first appointment with her, don’t try to DFK her the moment she walks in the door. She’ll likely be a bit anxious meeting someone new, and will want to take some time getting to know you a bit before she starts getting that intimate. You should follow her lead. If she wants to kiss you, she will (and some will – as with everything else here, your mileage may vary).

Always offer her a drink, even if it is just water (and have water available even if you plan to offer other types of drinks). Leave the bottles sealed. I’d never take a drink from a bottle that you handed me that had been opened – I have no way of knowing what’s in it. And while you aren’t the type of person who’d try to drug a provider, there are people out there who will. Water is important if you get physical – all of that exertion can be dehydrating.

Upon Your Arrival (for an incall)

If you’re seeing a provider at an incall location (whether it is a public place or her private quarters), please be on time, or contact her and let her know you’re going to be late. Keep in mind that she may have to reschedule you if you’re going to be too late, since she may have other clients scheduled after you. It’s incumbent upon you to be on time. Don’t arrive too early, either, because, as life has taught you, ladies need time to get ready; she wants to be completely beautiful before she sees you.

Be sure and park where she asks you to park. Some providers work out of their homes and specific parking protocol may help her keep from attracting too much attention to her work.

When she’s out of the room, don’t rummage through her stuff. It may seem strange to you for me to say that, but it’s not uncommon for clients to go hunting around the room when a provider goes into the bathroom. You’re in someone else’s house, so act like a guest.

Donation/Payment

The business transaction is an important part of the appointment, of course, and most providers are fairly particular about how they want that part handled. Again, follow her directions. Most will ask that you leave it in plain sight on a table in an unsealed envelope. A great way to make an excellent initial impression on your provider is to enclose it in a card of some type. If you don’t see specific instructions on her web site, just ask how she wants it handled BEFORE she arrives, either during a phone conversation or via e-mail if you’re communicating that way.

Do not discuss money at all during your appointment UNLESS you’re going to request an extension of her time, at which point there’ll be a discussion about appropriate compensation.

Your Companion

Your companion is a human being, with emotions, feelings, desires, and a life outside providing professional services to clients. Respect her, treat her as you’d expect to be treated. True, you are paying for her services, but that doesn’t give you license to treat her like dirt or non-human.

Respect her boundaries. If she doesn’t explain her boundaries (or menu) prior to your meeting, discuss that before things start getting sexual (not right off the bat), and work out a method of communicating so that if you do something she doesn’t like she can let you know. I prefer the use of safewords for this (and is a good idea for any sexual encounter, professional or private).

There are specific topics you should avoid bringing up. Don’t ask about her other clients, for example. Don’t ask about her private life, boyfriends/girlfriends, real name, what her family thinks about her work, etc. Talk about sports, what you do, the city, politics, or anything else that comes to mind. If she’s revealed personal information on her web site (such as a school she attended, favorite things, etc.), then those are good topics to explore as well.

Getting Comfortable

Once you’ve gotten to know one another for a few minutes, you’ll likely want to move on to other things. Either one of you can take the lead here. Typically, if you’re at her place, she’ll let you know it’s time to get comfortable. That’s your sign that it’s time to get undressed. If she’s come to you, generally, she’ll await a sign from you that you’re ready to begin playing. A good way to start that is to approach her and begin kissing.

If you’ve not seen an escort before, let her know on the front end. This will let her know that she might need to guide you through a couple of things. Everyone has a first time, and many of us enjoy providing that first experience for a new client. We understand that you’ll likely be nervous, and your provider will do whatever she can to make you as comfortable as possible.

Condoms are almost universally required for penetrative sex, though some providers will do bareback blowjobs. The escort will have a selection of different sizes with her, along with lube and perhaps a couple of toys as well. It is always a good idea to have a couple of your own condoms with you just in case, however.

Tipping, Gifts, Etc.

Like any other service profession, tipping is optional. Obviously, if you believe the service your provider offers is deserving of an additional gratuity, by all means offer one. And while cash is preferred, providers often appreciate gift cards to, well, just about any place, really.

One thing you may want to consider with an agency girl is that the agency is going to take a portion of her money, so she’s not going to be keeping everything you give her at the appointment (some agencies will take as much as half of what she gets from you). If you wish, a tip to help make up for the money she has to hand over is always appreciated, especially if she’s provided you with a good session.

It is always a warm gesture to give a provider a gift. Many escorts will have a section of their web site dedicated to suggestions for gifts. Some prefer you donate to a good cause (typically a non-profit organization or a charitable organization) rather than providing them with a gift. If your provider doesn’t specify, a rose or two or a small box of candies (without nuts – some are allergic) are always appreciated. If you’re going to bring a gift to her incall, don’t carry it out in the open where everyone’s going to see it (like a big bouquet of roses, for example). It’ll attract unwanted attention. Similarly, if she has to carry a huge vase and flower spray out of the hotel, it will attract attention. Since both you and her rely on discretion as a part of the encounter, you want to keep from drawing too much attention to her, even after she’s left you.

Agency vs. Independent

One of the most important differences between agency providers and independents is that, with an agency, you can usually have an escort come see you right away (or close to it). Their stable is on-call during working hours, so they’re always ready to go on a moment’s notice.

Independents tend to prefer some advance time to prepare, sometimes as much as 48 hours. I tend to book out as far as a month or so in some cases, though it is very rare for an escort to have that kind of pattern. Don’t expect to contact an independent provider and have her at your door within an hour or two.

Once all the preliminaries are taken care of and you get on with the appointment, just relax and have fun. Communicate with your provider – make sure you’re both on the same page about limits, then kick back and allow your provider to make your morning, afternoon, or evening something to remember.

Every once in a while, a client will ask if he can photograph or videotape the encounter. Some providers will allow you to do this, and will usually state so on her web site. However, the vast majority of providers will not allow this (they could end up being outed as a working girl, to their detriment). You’re welcome to ask, but expect a strong no. Keep in mind that surreptitiously recording someone is a crime in most locations.

If you’ve booked an appointment of a longer duration (four hours or more), your provider is probably going to want to eat at some point. This generally means something outside the hotel room if you’re in such a place – being cooped up in a small room for so long gets a bit claustrophobic sometimes. You should also be aware that, for the “overnight” type appointments (typically 8-12 hours or longer, including multi-day appointments) many providers require a separate room to sleep in (if you’re in a hotel). So please take these things into consideration when doing your planning.

After the appointment

It’s a good idea to e-mail your provider (or her agency) and let her know you enjoyed your time together. This is a good way to keep the door open in case you’d like to book a future appointment with her.

If for some reason, the appointment didn’t meet your expectations, just don’t contact her again. There’s no need to send her an e-mail explaining why or giving her a list of things she did that you didn’t like. We’re all adults. Things don’t always go 100% as expected every time, so just chalk it up to experience and move on. If she works for an agency and you experienced some kind of problem, e-mail or call the agency and let them know, politely.

On occasion, you may like to rebook her and she may not wish to see you again. There could be a variety of reasons for this (lack of chemistry, she wasn’t comfortable with something you did, etc.). If you send an e-mail or call for another appointment, she’ll usually let you know that she doesn’t wish to see you a second time, or she may just not return your calls/e-mails. Again, we’re all adults, and as a professional she has to structure her business – her appointments – such that it is beneficial for her to do business. Just accept that she doesn’t wish to see you and go on with life, perhaps finding another provider.

If things go well, and the both of you decide the relationship was mutually satisfying, perhaps you’ll become regulars for one another, resulting in a long-term arrangement. You can both enjoy each others’ company for some time to come. If you wish to avail yourself of the services of other providers, ask the one you’ve seen if it is okay to use her as a reference. In many cases, future providers will allow you to use others you’ve seen as references in lieu of requiring a lot of background information or membership in an identity verification web site.

Finally, it’s also important to note that your appointment was the enactment of a fantasy. Even though your provider may have had a wonderful time, she’s not interested in booking time with you “off the clock.” This is a business for her and not a way to find personal dates or life partners

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You’re currently reading “Client Etiquette,” an entry on Intimate Thoughts of a Call Girl

About

My name is Bella Dessi and I am a call girl.

This is the story of a new modern courtesan, or, as most of the world knows her, an escort, or professional companion.

If you’d told me a year ago that I would one day seek to join this profession I would’ve laughed in your face. But, as we all know, things change from one day to the next. The more I dug into what the work involved, and explored the strong women who’ve written about it and actually live in that world, the more interested I became. When you combine this with my free-thinking on how one should manage their own sexuality and use it in a way that they see fit, it just seems a natural progression to me (and, in fact, to those who know me).

I’ll admit that I am terribly anxious about what I am planning on doing. It is hard to fight against 20+ years of indoctrination that tells you this kind of work is “bad.” Between the opinion of this work of society at large and all of these “rad feminists” claiming that it is not possible for me to make any decision about my own sexuality without the oppression of “the patriarchy” weighing on me, you’d think no one could rationally make a decision to enter a line of work where one is expected to sexually service others. Of course, it is perfectly acceptable to enter work servicing others for literally anything else on the planet if it doesn’t involve a sexual component. Then, all of the sudden, it becomes taboo.

Well, I don’t subscribe to that ridiculous stupidity. I can, and have, freely made the decision to take this route. I can, and have, freely made the decision to see where this road leads me. I can assure you that no one is “oppressing” me into this line of work. I may get in and enjoy it. I may get in and think it sucks. If I enjoy it, I’ll do it while I am working on my graduate degree and quit. If it sucks too much, I’ll quit and find something else to do. It doesn’t get much freer than that.

NOTE REGARDING PHOTOS: Many of the photos used within this blog are not me. I use random photos of myself and others to illustrate articles and posts. So, please don’t assume that every photo you see on here is me.