Balboa setting his dogs upon Indian practitioners of male love(1594) The Spanish invader Vasco Núñez de Balboa (1475-1519) shown in Central America with his troops, presiding over the execution of Indians, whom he ordered eaten alive by the war dogs for having practiced male love. New York Public Library, Rare Book Room, De Bry Collection, New York.

“I personally strung up thirty-five Filipinos without trial… Impromptu domestic hanging might also hasten the end of the war. For starters, all Americans who had recently petitioned Congress to sue for peace in the Philippines should be dragged out of their homes and lynched.”

“Gen. Funston sends in the first military demolition squad. The incompetence by which they dynamite buildings causes the outbreak of four new fires.

“General Funston now attempts to encircle the fire in the heart of the city with systematic destruction of buildings. A drugstore at Clay and Kearny is blown up with black powder. A flaming mattress from the flat above is launched across the street setting fire to Chinatown.

“At 5 pm the next morning, the order came down from Mayor Schmitz that the dynamiting should stop. But the order comes too late to stop the exploding of a building on Green Street. The explosion ignites a previously untouched area and this new fire spreads along Green Street aided by a gale-force wind. 5 pm that afternoonFunston gives the order to resume the shelling of Van Ness Avenue against the direct orders of Mayor Schmitz in what seems to many to be senseless destruction. There are mounting reports of the excesses of the troops, including rape, indecent assault and grievous bodily harm.”

So, now you’re armed with two good arguments for changing the name of 13th Avenue back to 13th Avenue.* We’ll get the City take down the Funston signs post-haste and then we ought to let the residents continue to use the name Funston as long as they want. Somebody’ll even write a memo to the USPS to keep things straight with mail delivery.

D’accord? D’accord.

*In the alternative, other substitute names like Genocide Avenue or Triskaidekaphobia Avenue could also be acceptable.