Saturday, May 16, 2015

Management Challenge #293: The Narcissistic Boss

Of all the offensive managerial
types, the narcissist has got to be one of the worst.

For our purposes, the
term “narcissist” does NOT refer to those with narcissistic personality disorder (although God knows you don’t want someone with
this diagnosis in your workplace). Instead, we’ll be talking about your
garden-variety but nonetheless dangerous self-serving and self-loving boss.
That’s enough bad news for one day.

Hallmarks of the Narcissistic Boss

Narcissistic bosses believe
the world would be a much better place if everyone were just like them.

Employees toiling under
these self-centered tyrants quickly begin to feel stifled, demoralized, and
unappreciated. And no wonder. Each of us is a unique human being with a
distinctive personality, temperament, and worldview. It doesn’t feel good when
someone attempts to suppress our wills by imposing theirs.

Also, narcissists tend
to be sneaky little so-and-sos. They’ll pretend to be “nice” when it suits
their purposes, but when it doesn’t watch out! Naturally, their employees
receive the brunt of their malice.

What’s more,
narcissistic bosses set people up for failure. Demands are communicated haphazardly
and with a near total lack of transparency. Data without context is a specialty;
narcissists are crazy tight-fisted with information. The poor soul responsible for
pleasing an implacable narcissist often finds him- or herself in a damned if
you do/damned if you don’t position.

It’s a puzzle. How can
someone provide so much detail (these folks are micromanagers for sure) and still be so terrible at communicating what they want?

But perhaps worst of
all, narcissists have no (zilch, zippo, nil) sense of humor about themselves. As
such, they are prickly, oversensitive to criticism, and dishonest (“Admit a
mistake? Hell no. I’ll just pretend you misunderstood or blame someone else
…”).

They are, in a word, “difficult” to work with. Not that they actually care
to work with anyone. Narcissists are
the ultimate non-team playing players.

In a nutshell,
narcissistic bosses are:

Emotionally shallow;

Lacking in empathy;

Ridiculously self-absorbed;

Envious;

Impervious to blame; and

Untrustworthy

But, narcissists have two things in their favor:

They’re great at sucking up to those they deem important.

They’re completely shameless and will do most anything to meet their dastardly goals. As a result, they’re talented at catching the rest of us off guard and unprepared to deal with someone whom we couldn’t fathom would do that.

Handling the Narcissistic Manager

First, accept that you must do something, because inaction is not a responsible option. Narcissists
are toxic to teams, partly because they’re envious and will deliberately
sabotage others’ success and partly because they annoy the heck out of people.

Second, if the narcissist is someone you hired, admit
this wasn’t your best decision and move on. Pretending that nothing is wrong will only compound the problem.

Third, let your ethics be your guide. We often know the right thing to do but talk
ourselves out of doing it to avoid inconvenience, embarrassment, shame, or some
other perceived loss. Please don’t do that now. Whatever circle of influence
your narcissistic employee has, he or she is probably using it for no good—or
more to the point, no one else’s good.

Fourth, don’t be fooled. Narcissists care very little for you or your
company goals, no matter what they say to the contrary.

Fifth, listen. If you have a narcissist in your workplace, you’ll know it, because
he or she is forever ruffling somebody’s feathers. Interpersonal conflict and narcissists
are like salt and pepper—where one is you can usually find the other. A real
tale-tell sign? When you start to listen, you’ll begin to hear from people who
typically don’t butt heads with anyone.

Sixth, hope for rehabilitation, but prepare for
separation. The challenge of managing
interpersonal conflict is that everyone has a point of view. So be doubly
careful when disciplining a narcissist. Document everything. Provide reasonable
chances. Exercise compassion but be firm. One bad apple shouldn’t be allowed to spoil your barrel.

Don’t believe the hype
of the brilliant, narcissistic boss who drives his people to wild heights of
success with his unwavering commitment to innovation and excellence. (Think Steve
Jobs … or at least what people say about Steve Jobs.)

That’s crap. Most
narcissistic bosses are average-performing little despots skilled at smoke and
mirrors. If they won’t do better, I guarantee you can.