-- Surviving. Living. Hoping. -- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Adoption

-- Surviving. Living. Hoping. -- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Adoption

Sharing Our Adoption Match News

I’ve pondered before who we’d tell when we found out about an adoption match. I assumed I’d tell a few friends but not our family. So, now that we are in the situation, I thought I’d share what we are actually doing.

First, we have told a very few select friends. And when I say few, I mean a very few. Like I can count them one hand. And what’s awesome is that in the last few years we’ve really learned who the amazing people are in our lives. And, so with the news of our match, they have once again exceeded our expectations. They have been asking really amazing questions and are giving us a chance to practice answers. Questions we haven’t even thought about, so the practice is nice. And, they have all been respectful, loving and supportive. I couldn’t ask for anything better.

Second, we have shared on my blog. Because my friends throughout the world have given us more support than almost anyone else in our real lives.

Third, we are NOT telling any family. Our families have a history of not being supportive in the way we need. So, we are not going there. In addition we don’t feel like explaining our next steps when we don’t know them. And we don’t feel like having to explain the real chance of a failed adoption to people who don’t get it. Although, I have to say, we both want to tell our families because we are bursting to share the exciting news of a match, but we know better. And so we won’t tell them until the relinquishment papers are signed. Once the paperwork is signed, then we will call our parents and siblings and share the exciting news by introducing them to our child. And if we don’t end up brining baby home, then they will never know.

Our decision making on this subject has been very pragmatic and based in one simple fact – we need support right now. We are surrounding ourselves with those who will be nothing but supportive. And I will not apologise for that, not now and not ever.

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I’m so sorry that your family puts you in a situation where you have to be cautious about sharing information. So excited for your journey and admire you for your wisdom to stay with the ones who support you best!!

First of all, Thank you for sharing your news!! I am sorry your family can’t be told just yet, but it makes so much sense this way around from everything you have shared on your blog regarding your situation with them. It’s wonderful you have a some awesome friends to help you through this now 🙂 I have everything crossed for you that this goes as smoothly as it possibly can!!!!!

Good decisions! You do what is best for you. What I like about sharing on my blog is that people can ask questions, but they write them so there is that moment of, “does this sound ok?” (I’m sure I’ve thought something signed ok on your blog but it didn’t – I apologize!). And I can take my time answering their questions with thought, making it easier to answer in person if asked later.

I think you know I didn’t tell my parents about our final IVF cycle for Matthew, and it was WONDERFUL. No questions, no request for updates, NO THEM TELLING THEIR FRIENDS. That was the most peaceful cycle of the 4 I did. And when we did tell them, it was FUN!

I completely understand why you would want to keep the news to yourself. People are naturally curious, but sometimes the things they ask or say are inadvertently hurtful. By sharing your news only with those who have a history of being supportive, you are protecting yourselves. With all the emotions that an adoption match brings, this really seems like the best move. I’m so hopeful for you that this will work out, and that you’ll soon have a little one to introduce to everyone in your life. *hugs*

When my adoption failed a little over a year go, it left me absolutely heartbroken. I found your blog around that time, and I have been following your amazing journey since then. I am so excited to read these updates and I’m so excited for you!!

My heartbreaks for you that your family isn’t more supportive of your decision to adopt. I think it’s a great decision to just share the news with people who will be excited and supportive of what you are going through. Sending lots of hugs and support your way. xo

Thanks for you for the hugs. I should be a bit more clear, it’s not that our families are not supportive of or decision to adopt so much as they just aren’t supportive in general. Or maybe I should say, yhey aren’t supportive in a way that works for us. If that makes sense.

Good for you. I know what you mean, after watching the lack of supportiveness from certain people (family AND friends) in our life during the first year of infertility and adoption planning, we learned quickly who our REAL family was – and the list, like you said, narrowed to a number we can count just on one hand. This year as we wait for our adoption referral and see if another cycle of IVF works out, I’m keeping it pretty much to my blog. It’s self-protection mode, and makes sense, and requires zero apology. Keep the positive energy around you!!! Stay strong!

I think more than anything else, you need to protect yourselves. Adoption is something that is totally out of your control and having to(God forbid) explain failure to people who have let you down in the past is not something you should go through. I think your decision is v wise. Good luck sweetie, I cannot wait to hear more.

I completely agree with your decisions! This is an extremely intense situation and you need support to get through it! I am sending tons of happy thoughts your way that everything will work out and you will be united with your child soon! Hugs!!!

You do what you’re comfortable with! This community has been my biggest support and cheerleaders and I’ve never met anyone in person or over the phone! It’s amazing! I wish you all the luck, happiness, love and support!

I’m sorry your family isn’t a source of support but I am glad you are finding support through your blog and close friends! I can only imagine how stressful this part of the process can be so you should definitely surround yourself with only positive people. I’ve been struggling with the who to tell and when for when we get “that call!” I hope I’ll just know when the time comes!

Words are not sufficient. I don’t want to be over-the-top with my excitement because I know until that baby is in your arms, there are so many variables. I don’t want to focus on the variables and not celebrate with you, either. So, my words are failing, but know the sentiment over here. !!!!

I think it is great that you guys are going about the decision to share in such a pragmatic way. It is such an emotional and exciting time and you two need support and support only! Thank you for sharing your journey with with the blogosphere. Thrilled for you!!!!!

You have to do what will protect yourselves in this situation, and what will help make you stronger and get through everything. You have no reason to apologize to anyone for any of it. There is nothing wrong with surrounding yourselves with those that you know will be supportive, and blocking out those who you know will not. They will find out in due time, if and when appropriate. I’m glad that you’re putting yourselves first in this…and very happy that you’ve shared with us here 🙂

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