Yemana: No, I don't watch shows like that. I can't enjoy them because, being a cop myself, I spot the mistakes and inaccuracies and the fantastic things that in real life never happen.

Victim: On the show they caught him!

Yemana: Good example!

A police-themed sitcom airing on ABC from 1975–82, Barney Miller was considered quite realistic by actual cops, especially in comparison to police dramas at the time. The episodes tended to take place entirely within the bleak, ancient squad room of the (fictional) 12th Precinct in New York City's Greenwich Village, as the detectives booked and processed various suspects. Action sequences usually took place off-camera and were described by the detectives as they returned from the scene. What made the show worth watching was the razor-sharp writing and the eccentric personalities of the detectives, including:

The eponymous Captain Miller (Hal Linden), whose underlings exasperate him and whose superiors ignore him; an Only Sane Man who often feels ineffectual and underappreciated. Best known for leaving suspects and victims together for a while in hopes that they will work things out without pressing charges (and therefore without the associated paperwork).

Nick Yemana (Jack Soo), the Hypercompetent Sidekick of the squadroom. He takes a laissez-faire attitude to most things and often makes inappropriate jokes. His bad coffee is legendary. Yemana was among the first regular adult characters on U.S. prime-time television written specifically for an American of Japanese descent.note In Star Trek: The Original Series Sulu was played by Japanese American George Takei, but the character's nationality was deliberately left unspecified. The character left the show in Season 5 when Jack Soo fell ill and died of cancer.

Sergeant Philip K. Fish (Abe Vigoda), an elderly and dyspeptic complainer who alternately wisecracks about today's batch of criminals or his wife. Despite his endless moaning, he can't stand the thought of his impending retirement. The character began appearing in a spin-off series, Fish, midway through the third season but didn't leave until the end of it (getting a proper send-off in the fourth season premiere). The spin-off didn't last two years, and Fish continued to return for occasional appearances on the parent show.

Detective Stanley Taddeus "Wojo" Wojciehowicz ("You say it like it's spelled!" or "Spelled just like it sounds!") (Max Gail), who tended to act entirely on his impulses, causing Barney endless headaches. His original uncouth and dense character gradually became more enlightened as the series went on.

Sergeant Ron Nathan Harris (Ron Glass), whose police work frequently took second place to his novel-writing. He had a diva-esque attitude, best exemplified by his reluctance to wear anything he considered unstylish, even during undercover work. He also considered himself the squadroom intellectual, at least until the arrival of...

Detective Arthur Dietrich (Steve Landesberg), a Deadpan Snarker and card-carrying intellectual, whose long-winded speculations about criminal psychology, science, and just about anything else that happened to come up in conversation drove the other detectives crazy. He particularly annoyed Harris, who didn't appreciate having a rival for being "the Smart One". Became a regular in season 3 and stuck around through the end of the run.

Officer Carl Levitt (Ron Carey), a uniformed officer stationed downstairs. Levitt spent years incessantly pestering Captain Miller about promoting him to detective, combining obsequious servility with snarky sarcasm when his requests were rejected. Became a regular along with Dietrich in Season 3 and stuck around for the rest of the run.

During the first two seasons, Sergeant Chano Amenguale (Gregory Sierra); an amiable, talkative guy, but basically deficient in outstanding personality quirks. He disappeared when Sierra got a lead role on another sitcom, which promptly crashed and burned, beating Fish to the punch by a season.

Barney's immediate superior Inspector Franklin D. Luger (James Gregory), who does nothing but chew Barney's ear all day and long for the halcyon days of acceptable police brutality.

In the first season, which had episodes alternating between the squadroom and Barney's home life, Barbara Barrie was a regular as Barney's wife Elizabeth; as the former setting proved more compelling, Liz was subsequently shifted Out of Focus and eventually moved offscreen, save for a couple of guest appearances.

Throughout the run, the show tried adding new characters to the cast; most of them would be given a "test run" of about three episodes to make an impression. More than half a dozen cops were "auditioned" this way. Save for Dietrich, none of them really worked, resulting in Chuck Cunningham Syndrome. (Linda Lavin probably would have stayed on too, if she hadn't been offered the lead role in Alice; she appeared prominently in flashbacks despite being in only five episodes). Midway through the fifth season, actor Jack Soo (Yemana) died. The cast did a memorial episode out-of-character for Soo, but Yemana was never killed off in so many words. Once in a while, he would be mentioned in the past tense, sometimes with an air of wistfulness. When Levitt worked in the detective squad room, he took over Yemana's desk.

Characters and references to the show still turn up. In a novel spinoff of The Blair Witch Project, Confessions of Rustin Parr, the investigations were headed by Detective Nicholas Yemana. In William P. Young's supernatural murder mystery The Shack, a Polish police detective says his name is "spelled just like it sounds". In Frasier, one of Martin's police friends was Stan Wojciedubakowski, and when he died, Martin briefly dated his widow. The Police ProceduralRomantic DramedyCastle is, like this show, set in the Twelfth Precinct of the NYPD. In Jo Nesbø's novels of the police murder squad in Norway, Oslo's detective force has its own officer Bjarne Mjølle.

Police detectives often cite this as the best cop show ever seen on television. Dennis Farina, who really worked as a policeman before becoming an actor, says it's the most realistic. In 2014, it was called the most intelligent and literate U.S. sitcom ever made. The detectives were made honorary members of the NYPD. The chalkboard roster and Jack Soo's coffee cup now reside in the Smithsonian.

This show provides examples of:

Aborted Arc: The romance between Wojo and Wentworth is forgotten about after Linda Lavin left the show to be the star of Alice.

Accidental Misnaming: Inspector Luger always called Sgt. Levitt "Levine", right up to the final episode. He once, bizarrely, referred to him as "Greenberg".

In "Vanished", Luger is temporarily demoted to captain and set to work in the detectives' squadroom... a big come-down for him. At day's end, each of the detectives says "Good night, Inspector" and Luger responds with his usual nicknames, Har', D.D., etc. Then Levitt: "Good night, Inspector Luger." "Good night, Levitt." Levitt, quietly: "Thank you, sir."

Accidental Pervert: A man who was arrested for being a public nuisance by making lewd comments in a park was actually doing research for a detailed dictionary and history of obscenities.

Suspect: She called me a pervert. I'm a scholar.

Dietrich: There's no reason you can't be both. ("The Baby Broker")

Affably Evil: Arthur Duncan likes to rob the disabled, charities, and in general people who are particularly defenseless, but he always has a reasonable attitude about getting arrested. Sporting goods store owner Bruno Binder can be this too.

The Alcoholic: A robber who tries to rip off a store using his finger as a gun (he forgot to put his hand in his pocket first because he was drunk). ("Copy Cat")

Ray Brewer, played by the same actor as above, was this as well, until he had an epiphany upon hitting rock bottom (see What Did I Do Last Night? below) and subsequently (in two-parter "Contempt") joined the Salvation Army.

Aluminum Christmas Trees: In "Homeless", Bruno Binder's wife talks about making turkey stuffed with sauerkraut for Christmas. This sounds like a gag, but it's real, and traditional in Maryland.

Ambulance Chaser: Arnold Ripner, a recurring character. At one point he sues Harris for putting a thinly-veiled version of him in his novel and uses all the unflattering adjectives Harris used to describe the character's sleaziness as proof.

And Starring: "And Gregory Sierra as Chano", for the first two seasons. For a little while in Seasons 4 and 5, "And James Gregory as Inspector Luger".

Arc Number: The figure $3500 turned up a conspicuous number of times in season two.

Aside Comment: Fish does it a lot, stopping just short of addressing the audience.

Attractive Bent-Gender: Usually related to mugging detail, when a squad member crossdresses to attract muggers.

Fish arrests another old man for asking him out. The guy still wants to take him on a date even after learning he's a man.

When Harris goes on mugging detail in "The Search", everyone in the squad is astonished. Even Nick is too flabbergasted to say anything but "You look lovely!"

Harris: I want to look good, Barney... but not better.

Totally inverted with Wojo, and even more with Dietrich—Barney won't even let Dietrich go out because he just does not look female at all.

Ax-Crazy: The polite, mild-mannered suspect in two-parter "Homicide", who slit his barber's throat after receiving a bad haircut. A visitor asks if the man killed his wife, and the man says "Yes, but they don't know about that yet."

In "Rain", when rain is dripping through the leaky roof into the office of the 12th Precinct, Yemana gets rainwater from a pan and uses it to make coffee.

In "Fear of Flying", when a woman takes an overdose of pills in the office and Poison Control tells the detectives they need to make her vomit the pills up, they use Yemana's coffee as an emetic. It works.

In "Quarantine" part 2, Yemana is utterly mystified when a civilian in the station cleans the mold from the coffee cups.

Yemana I thought it was a pattern.

In "Loan Shark", Jack Soo's next-to-last episode, Wojo makes coffee when Yemana is out of the office. It is terrible.

Yemana: All this time I thought it was just me.

Because Destiny Says So: In "The Tunnel", Nick discovers a horse named "Pick-Me-Nick" in the paper and decides that it's more than a sign, it's an order. Just before the end credits—after a philosophical discussion about fate and the afterlife that took place for unrelated reasons—Nick learns that Pick-Me-Nick won.

"I guess that settles that!"

Beleaguered Bureaucrat: Most government officials who visit the squadroom. (Usually because of Wojo giving someone political asylum or similar.)

The Bet: In "Community Relations", between Yemana (to stop gambling) and Harris (to stop smoking) on who could last the longest. Here's how it ends, after Barney has paired up a blind man who keeps getting robbed with a newly-evicted person who needs a place to stay.

Barney: I bet they make it. Harris: I bet they don't. Yemana: You're on! Harris: You lose. [lights up smoke]

Big Blackout: The episode "Power Failure." The power cuts while Barney is in his office with a psychiatrist who is apparently trying to seduce him on behalf of her arrested patient.

The Big Rotten Apple: Set as it is in the '70s and early '80s, the bureaucracy, high crime, and perpetual budget crisis make for great comedy and occasional drama.

In the first episode, "Ramon", Liz is listening to the radio tell all about the crimes and disasters in New York. The Miller apartment has bars on the window and multiple locks on the door. Liz begs Barney to quit the police force and leave New York City. Then, at work, Barney and the detectives are held at gunpoint by a crazed heroin junkie.

The opening title sequence begins with a shot of the Lower Manhattan skyline—as a garbage scow crosses in front of it.

The technician operating the machine doesn't really believe Dietrich is an alien, but he also doesn't believe the machine isn't working perfectly. Eventually his faith in the machine wins out, though fortunately for Wojo, his supervisors conclude the reverse.

Blowing Smoke Rings: Harris puts his feet on the desk and starts doing this in "Eviction (Part 1)". Barney, who is having a particularly stressful day, gets annoyed.

The Bore: Luger and his endless stories about Brownie, Foster, and Kleiner. A supposed clairvoyant announces his arrival by saying that he feels "a gloomy presence" approaching.

Bottle Episode: Bottle Series, actually. Only thirteen episodes over the whole course of the series showed scenes outside the station: "Ramon", "Graft", "The Stakeout", "Hair", "The Hero", "Grand Hotel", "Fish", "Wojo's Girl" part 2 (itself a Bottle Episode as the whole episode takes place in Wojo's apartment), "Contempt" parts 1 & 2, "Chinatown" parts 1 & 2, and "Eviction" part 2. And most of those were early in the show's run. The first five episodes in that list were all in Season 1. Two of those thirteen episodes were Poorly Disguised Pilots (see below).

Yemana takes a call, says "Wait, let me get a pencil" and starts to eat his lunch with the pencil as a makeshift chopstick as he tells the caller to go ahead with their story. Switch to other characters doing things, then back to Yemana as he hangs up with the caller. He takes one look at the pencil and says "Oh my God, I ate my eraser!"

After getting an announcement that there will be tryouts for a department variety show, everyone present declines interest and Barney drops it in the wastebasket. The episode ends with Wojo, not present at the start, fishing it out and indignant that nobody told him about it.

Building of Adventure: The precinct house, as dilapidated as it is. Over the course of the series it sees hostage crises, quarantine, fire, suicide attempts, Jesus (maybe), and guys that look like Jesus.

Bulletproof Vest: "The Vests" revolved around bulletproof vests being issued to the members of the squad, and their reluctance to wear them. Wojo said "It makes me feel like I'm some kind of supercop: like I ought to have a big W across here."

By "No", I Mean "Yes": In "The Harris Incident," Barney tries to explain to Wojo that Harris' race gives him a particular set of problems to deal with, after being shot at by fellow cops has (understandably) made Harris angry at the world in general—although here it's not a matter of Insistent Terminology, but Barney grappling with words.note What he was trying to say is that it's wrong to judge someone by race, but they should be aware of the fact that Harris still has to face racism.

References to detectives Amenguale and Wentworth working elsewhere in the police department continued after their actors left the show. When Jack Soo died, Yemana was occasionally remembered fondly with wistful glances at his old desk, without specifying what had happened to him. In fact, an entire episode revolved around Yemana's desk. Levitt protested its removal because without it he had less chance of getting his occasional assignments to work with the detectives, proving himself worthy of promotion. Barney came to regret having had it removed, and decided it wasn't enough just to get another desk; he demanded that desk back, and got it.

Nick says that they can't use the towel for something because all the terry wore down. Also, it "cracked." In a later episode, Barney threatens an unruly perpetrator by saying he would stuff their towel in his mouth. When the guy isn't cowed, Barney retorts with "You haven't seen our towel!"

In "Fear of Flying", a citizen turns in $3500 in cash that he found, only to get very interested when he's told he can get the money back in 30 days if no one claims it. Four episodes later, in "The Kid", that same citizen shows up and collects his $3500.

Cannot Tell Fiction from Reality: In "The Judge" a woman comes into the 12th reporting a series of lurid crimes and misdeeds by the people in her apartment building. It turns out that she thinks the soap opera she's been watching is real.

Catch-Phrase: Barney's "Gentlemen, I think we all have work to do..." Often lampshaded by the other characters in later seasons.

Celebrity Paradox: In "Eviction" part 1, Luger asks Yemana if Flower Drum Song is still playing. Jack Soo starred in both the stage and screen versions of Flower Drum Song.

Character Development: All of the squad went through this as the show went on—Wojo becoming less naive, for example—and some recurring characters did as well. Ray Brewer, a recurring bum, shows up one day in a Salvation Army uniform.

Characterization Marches On: Wojo is extremely immature, almost to the point of being a Jerk Ass, and has an obnoxious "dumb guy" laugh in the first season. He tones down a lot in Season 2 and continues to do so more subtly for the remainer of the series. And Harris is more of a streetwise hipster than a pompous intellectual until sometime in the third season.

Character Outlives Actor: Nick Yemana did not exactly Die On a Bus, even though the actor Jack Soo, who played him, died in real life on January 11, 1979. Nick disappeared from the series and was definitely gone for good; there was an episode where a lot of drama was attached to the removal of his desk from the office, and characters would sometimes mention "back when Nick was here". However, it was never made clear whether he died or just went away somewhere. The final episode cleared this up. Looking around the squadroom one last time, Barney remembers (via flashback clips) the cops who'd left the squad in years past. When he remembers Chano, Wentworth and Fish, Barney is smiling in fond remembrance. When he remembers Nick, though, his expression is very sad. Clearly, Nick had passed on.

Jack Soo had esophageal cancer. Linden visited Soo in the hospital just before he was to have surgery. He said "It must have been the coffee." Legend ascribes this line to Jack just as he was being wheeled into the operating room.

Character Tic: Levitt's elaborate spin every time he exits through the squad room door.

Chekhov's Gun: A literal gun, namely an antique rifle that Wojo finds behind a wall in "Bones". The discovery of the gun leads to the building being designated a historic landmark and sold to developers in the episodes that follow, three-part series finale "Landmark".

"Christmas Story", in Season 3, in which a mugger is targeting Santas.

"Toys", in Season 5, in which rival toy manufacturers pose a problem for the precinct, and Barney has to face his first Christmas after separation from Liz.

"Homeless", in Season 8, in which the precinct is overrun by vagrants with nowhere else to go.

Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Fish's departure was dealt with in the two-part episode that opened Season 4, and the departure/death of Nick Yemana was dealt with somewhat obliquely (see Character Outlives Actor above). Chano's departure was mentioned in a throwaway gag two seasons after the fact. Other detectives were victims of Chuck Cunningham Syndrome. Linda Lavin's Detective Wentworth wasn't mentioned again after Lavin left for Alice. Detective Maria Battista, played by June Gable, appeared in two Season 3 episodes and was never seen again. Rosslyn Licori, a plainclothes officer with a jealous husband, disappeared after three episodes in season 4, although actress Mari Gorman reappeared as Mr. Bender's wife. Early in season 7, the writers introduced Det. Eric Dorsey (Paul Lieber), a new detective with a blond afro and an abrasive attitude. After three episodes, he disappears.

"Doomsday" features a con artist selling stolen Bibles who is dressed in a priest's robes and claims to be running a "church of the street." He is played by Steve Landesberg a few months before Landesberg made his first appearance as Dietrich.

One perp makes a big deal about how devout a Catholic he is in the hopes that Wojo's Catholic guilt will get him let go. (It doesn't work, but it does make Wojo pretty uncomfortable.)

An Episcopal priest is arrested for fencing stolen goods to raise money for charity. He expresses an incredible amount of jealousy of the attention and funding that big-time Roman Catholic churches like St. Patrick's Cathedral get.

A rabbi is busted when he uses the synagogue's license for a "casino night" to continuously operate a small-time casino in the basement. ("The Accusation")

A lunatic preaching that The End is near and citing endless Scripture verses is arrested for disorderly conduct. As Bernice Fish comes in, he lets loose with a passage from the Old Testament. Bernice quietly asks her husband: "Who arrested the rabbi?"

Averted when a young man comes in and announces "I want to make a confession!" Wojo tells him "Oh, St. Vincent's, right down the street. Ask for Father Paul." Turns out he wants to confess a crime and go to jail.

Cigarette of Anxiety: In "Fog", when Barney is passed over for promotion (again), he finds an old cigarette in his desk and smokes it. He had quit 3 years previously, and that cigarette was left over from before he quit.

Harris: You smoked a 3 year old cigarette?

Barney: Just wanted to make sure I didn't get hooked again.

Harris: That'll do it.

Clip Show: "Jack Soo, a Retrospective", last episode of Season 5 (May 17, 1979). This was an out-of-character tribute to Soo, who played Yemana, and who had died of esophageal cancer in January of that year.

Clumsy Copyright Censorship: In an episode where a perpetrator beat up an elevator-music machine, the word Muzak (a trademark of Muzak Holdings LLC) is silenced-out.

Coming-Out Story: A three-episode arc with Levitt's much more relaxed uniform counterpart, Officer Zatelli. Sixth-season premiere "The Inquisition" centers on an IA investigation launched by Scanlon after someone in the 12th wrote an anonymous letter saying they were a homosexual. Zatelli eventually admits to Barney that he wrote the letter. Barney agrees to keep his secret. This is revisited in episode 6-15, "The Child Stealers", in which Zatelli comes out to the rest of the squad. Then in season 7 episode "Movie" part 1, Zatelli's sexuality is revealed to Scanlon of Internal Affairs. Scanlon threatens to ruin Zatelli (homosexuality being forbidden in the NYPD in 1981), but Zatelli winds up getting promoted to a better assignment at downtown headquarters.

The Comically Serious: Dietrich. His stonefaced delivery while annoying his colleagues to death was a hallmark of the character.

In "The Vigilante", the emergence of a vigilante is a considerable problem for the squad, although they have to acknowledge they're too overworked to reach every call. It turns out to be an amiable old immigrant who intervenes whenever he sees a mugging in his unsafe neighborhood. Although he promises not to do it again before he moves, another beat-up mugger comes in. Barney and his detectives fudge the description just enough that the APB they have to put out won't catch him.

Store owner Bruno Binder puts up posters advertising bounties for criminals killed in the act, and Barney is outraged. Separately, Mr. Cotterman and a jewelry store owner shoot at a robber and are aghast to realize that one of them must have taken a life.

The Couch: In Barney's office. Lampshaded when Harris thanks Barney for the use of it because a real psychiatrist would be too expensive.

CPR: Clean, Pretty, Reliable: After a flasher tries to kill himself in the bathroom in "Snow Job", Barney manages to get his heart started again by hitting his chest.

Create Your Own Villain: In "The Vandal", Christopher Lloyd plays a man who blames Barney for his life of crime and drug abuse. Years earlier, Patrolman Miller caused him to miss an important job interview by detaining him with a ticket for littering.

Cuffs Off, Rub Wrists: In "The Psychiatrist", a suspect hauled in to the 12th complains that his wrists are broken after he's uncuffed.

Cunning Linguist: There's a funny bit in "Hash" where Wojciehowicz briefly interprets for two elderly Polish men, caught dueling with swords in the park, until they're able to pull themselves together. Naturally, Wojo's a beat behind and continues translating even after they begin speaking English.

When a Hispanic suspect is brought in, Barney asks if the guy's been read his rights. Wojo says yes, but the man demands to hear them in Spanish. Wojo promptly obliges, adding "Y'wanna hear'em in Polish?"

Stevens: I hope you understand that you had no authority to do what you did. Wojo: The guy was bein' kidnapped! What was I supposed to do, huh!? Stand around with my finger up my- Barney:Wojo... (later)Barney: Mr. Zhuninsky, we're doing everything we can to help you! Stevens:(insistently) Which is nothing! None of us can do anything!Wojo: You speak for yourself, John! Stevens: Jeffrey, sir!Wojo: Oh, who gives a flying- Barney:WOJO!!

The Dandy: Harris, who always wore expensive, tailored suits, even when he really couldn't afford them on an NYPD detective's salary. He always got agitated when events at work caused his suits to get messy. He is disgusted when he has to go undercover as a homeless person in "Vanished". In "Field Associate" he is embarrassed when Barney finds out he called a discount men's store named "Suits 4 Less."

Season 7 two-parter "Homicide" when the NYPD is reorganized into specialty squads and the 12th is assigned homicide.

Late-series episode "The Librarian" involves an ex-Nazi in hiding.

A Day in the Limelight: Yemana was rarely the subject of the A plot, usually serving as a Deadpan Snarker and one-liner machine. One rare exception was Season 5 episode "Loan Shark". One day after his 20th anniversary with the NYPD, and feeling unappreciated by his co-workers, Yemana angrily stalks out of the squad room. After he finally comes back, the episode ends with Barney and the other detectives reassuring Yemana about how much they respect him and how important his work (filing, making coffee) is. This was the next-to-last episode for Jack Soo, who was dying of cancer, and in that light it seems very much like a case of Leaning on the Fourth Wall and an in-character goodbye to Soo.

Deadpan Snarker: Numerous among both the squad and the people they dealt with, but Yemana, Fish and Dietrich all deserve special mention.

When Air Force Master Sergeant Reville (George Murdock, before he was cast in a recurring role as Lt. Scanlon) arrives at the precinct in "Group Home" to report a bomb threat to an Air Force base, he is clearly uncomfortable with the idea of a Japanese-American police officer. Yemana deals with his discomfort with deadpan humour:

Reville: It just isn't right. Why would someone threaten to destroy a US military installation? Yemana: Nostalgia?

One of Fish's favourite targets for snarkery is his wife, Bernice (who gives as good as she gets when we see her).

Dietrich is usually The Stoic, but beneath his calm surface is an often acerbic sense of humour. In "Uniform Days", he is looking into a seven-year-old armed robbery case, the statute of limitations on which expires at midnight.

Barney: 1973!? Nixon was still President! Dietrich: No, he's got an airtight alibi for this one.

Demonic Possession: Season 7, "Possession". Mr. Kopechne, whom we first saw as a victim of lycanthropy in "Werewolf", returns claiming to be possessed by a demon, and he convinces the squad he's right with his unnatural growls, acrobatics, and Voice of the Legion.

Designer Babies: Referenced in "The DNA Story" by a geneticist whose lab was robbed. He's excited about the possibility of "creating a whole new superior race of... really nice people!"

Disposable Vagrant: Subverted in two-parter "Vanished" when recurring character Ray Brewer reports that vagrants are vanishing from a shelter; Harris goes undercover to solve the case. (Turns out they're being shipped to North Carolina as slave labor.)

Doing It for the Art: In-universe when Harris is tasked with making a porno to be used in investigations. (Two-part episode "Movie".) He goes far over budget, gives it an actual plot (with Purple Prose dialogue), and gives himself a cameo in the spirit of Alfred Hitchcock. The actual pornographic content, when it happens, is implied to be... up to industry standards.

Domestic Abuser: In "Heat Wave", a woman with a black eye comes in and files a complaint against her husband, who gave it to her. Fish is getting ready to go pick him up when she asks what will happen, and he tells her that since the husband was already on parole for a previous complaint, he's going to get three years. The woman sits down, and starts to reminisce about their 15-year marriage, and how he once made love to her on a field of flowers. She leaves without signing the complaint. Then, just when the story looks like it's going to end on that Ambiguous Ending, she darts back in and signs it.

In the episode "Accusation", a victim calls Barney out on his coffee and donut breakfast.

Victim: Oh my....and him a Captain!

Dietrich: Nutritionally, he's still a child.

In one episode, Dietrich relates statistics about cholesterol and fat as Yemana and Fish defiantly bite into donuts and crullers.

Double Standard: Rape, Male on Male: Wojo, who is wearing drag in order to catch muggers, is almost raped. Everyone finds it hilarious that the rapist passed over the attractive and actually female Wentworth (Linda Lavin) to go after Wojo in a dress.

Early Installment Weirdness: In the first season, Barney's wife is a regular billed in the opening credits, although she does not appear in all the episodes. In fact, aside from Barney, most of the top-billed characters sit out for an episode or more of the first season. The characters' personalities are less distinctive, too, aside from Barney, Wojo, and Fish. Additionally, the show features scenes outside the squad room several times, something that would become very rare in subsequent seasons (see Bottle Episode above).

Easy Amnesia: In two-parter "Eviction", Dietrich is smitten with an attractive young woman who's brought into the precinct. She has typical Hollywood amnesia, unable to recall anything of her past or even her name. She turns out to be a nun.

Election Day Episode: Episode 3-05, "The Election". An arrestee insists on using his right to vote so Wojo takes him to the polls, where he escapes. In a subplot Inveterate Gambler Nick is torn between who to bet on winning (Ford or Carter). Meanwhile, Inspector Luger goes around trying to get people to vote for a friend of his. The only thing that anyone remembers is that he was involved in a political scandal, and the best that Luger can come back with is "they never proved any of that."

El Spanish "-o": In "Eviction", Wojo tells an old Hispanic man to "el seato"; Barney offers the man a chair and says "Señor, aquí." Later on Levitt offers to escort this man home, saying he speaks some Spanish, but he says "Vaminos homo." Barney tells him the word he wants is "casa", so he says "Vaminos casa, no homo."

Averted in "Bones", where a suspect demands to hear his rights in Spanish and Wojo obliges, adding "Wanna hear them in Polish?" There's some banter in Spanish between Wojo and Dietrich, who then tells Barney "Si mi llamen, coge mesajo"note If I get any calls, take a message. This was shot in 1982 and may reflect Truth in Television. It was about the time basic Spanish began to be encouraged (in many places required) for cops in areas with a large Hispanic population.

Everybody Did It: In "The RAND Report" Fish is dispatched to investigate a series of robberies at an old folks' home. He discovers that all the old folks have been stealing from each other in order to liven things up.

Evolutionary Ret Con: After having visibly thin hair on top and an extreme combover for the first couple of episodes as Wojo, actor Max Gail was given a thick hairpiece which he wore for the rest of the series - apart from the out-of-character Jack Soo tribute Clip Show in season 5, at which point Gail went without the toupee and revealed himself to be quite bald on top.

Executive Meddling: In-universe with the first short story Harris sells to a magazine—a dirty magazine called "Sir Gent" that sleazes it up considerably. (episode "Abduction")

In the second episode, a different African American actor played an officer named Wilson and sat at Harris's desk. The character was actually a holdover from the pilot. Possibly used because the character needed to go out in drag at one point, and they needed to avoid Ron Glass's mustache. (A later episode had a subplot about Harris having to shave so he could do this detail. Barney makes a point of having Harris go last so he could keep it as long as possible.)

Save one onscreen appearance in the early episode "The Guest", Desk Sergeant Kogan qualifies, as he gets a mention every three episodes or so afterward.

Barney's cellmate in two-part episode "Contempt", who starts off by complaining that Barney's in his light and says increasingly odd and disturbing things during Barney's short stint in jail on contempt charges. The cellmate never moves and all we see is his feet on the bunk.

Finale Credits: The regular closing credits featured a stock photo of the Manhattan skyline as the theme played. The finale instead featured the freeze-frame on the squad room, with no music, only applause as the credits rolled.

Flatline: Dietrich volunteers to test out a stress monitor and then goes out on a call. The monitor soon starts going haywire, and then it goes completely flat, with the requisite steady tone, to the horror of everyone in the squadroom. And then Dietrich walks in wearing police sweats—a woman wielding a fire hose had shorted out the sensors.

Foil: The very laid-back and good-humored Zatelli to tightly-wound and sycophantic Levitt.

Forced Out of the Closet: Officer Zatelli is gay. Everyone in the squad knows but they all basically agree not to say anything, especially to Internal Affairs. Then one time when Wojo is getting hounded by IA over some trifling thing he accidentally blurts it out.

Foreshadowing/Leaning on the Fourth Wall: In the tag of the second season episode "Horse Thief" Fish makes small talk to Barney "They say we may be in for some rain next week". In the very next episode called "Rain" an extreme rain storm threatens to bring down the squad room roof.

Former Child Star: In "Old Love" the 12th brings in Irwin Kroner, a frustrated actor who struck his agent in the face with the phone. It turns out that Mr. Kroner used to be "Little Corky Carter", a famous child star, but has been unable to get parts as a grown-up.

Chano occasionally lost his temper and let loose in Spanish, including "pendejo" (literally meaning "pubic hair", but is as strong as "asshole" to a Spanish speaker) at least once.

In an early episode, a man talking about his wife joining a cult that hoped to travel to Saturn pointed upward with his middle finger as he said "Up there, Saturn." Fish's response: "Hold that thought."

In another episode, a suspect stoned out of his mind on pot insists on referring to Bernice Fish as "mother." When she leaves the room, he shouts, "That mother left me!"

The Ghost: Barney's family — wife Liz, son David, and daughter Rachel — turned into off-screen characters after the first season. Both Liz and Rachel did eventually return for guest appearances in later episodes, however.

Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Sometimes. Usually a character about to swear would simply be interrupted, e.g. "Oh, who gives a flying f—" "WOJO!" However, when Ron Harris spoke about his belief that a civil action filed against him and subsequent judgment for the plaintiff were racially motivated ("Liquidation"), he was allowed to say "You are looking at one mad nigger!" but "They won't suck another nickel out of this bad motor scooter."note emphasis added

Grammar Nazi: In "The Psychic" an English professor tears down an advertisement for using words like tongue-tastingest and crun-crun-crunchiest and corrects Barney's use of the word hopefully ("do you mean with hope? No!"). Dietrich tweaks him by using the word "irregardless".

Halloween Episode: "Werewolf." First appearance of Mr. Kopechne (Kenneth Tigar), here playing a man with lycanthropy who had at least Yemana convinced he was "changing."

Yemana: Look at that. Hair is growing out of his face.

Barney: That's called a beard! Haven't you ever seen one?

Yemana: Not in my family.

Mr. Kopechne later got rid of the lycanthropy, but became possessed by a demon as a side effect.

Hanging Judge: Subverted in "The Judge". Wojo arrests Judge Philip Paul Gibson, who desperately wants to be one of these but is frustrated that the law won't let him.

Happy Ending Massage: Occasionally the squad busts one of these. In "Massage Parlor", Wentworth investigates one that employs male prostitutes and arrests a good-natured cowboy who sees his occupation as a "God-given talent." In "Hair", Fish goes to a parlor that had been busted, to Bernice's chagrin, but he really did just go for a massage. (And fell asleep on the table.)

Head-Tiltingly Kinky: When Nick brings back a box of evidence from an erotic bakery, the detectives stare into it as Barney tilts his head incredulously.

Harris: [giggling] What's up with them poppyseeds?

Hidden Depths: "Wojo's Girl" reveals that Wojo the resident meathead likes to play the flute in the park on his days off.

Hypocritical Humor: Quite often from numerous individuals. During one opening, Desk Sergeant Kogan informs Wojo that Harris and Nick have been shot at and starts relaying the circumstances before saying that they're all right—Wojo yells at him that he should have said that right from the start. Then Barney comes in and Wojo tells him, phone still in hand:

Barney: Are they all right?! Wojo: They were checkin' out this disturbance— Barney:Wojo!Wojo: Yeah, they're fine—Kogan? Kogan? Kogan'll fill you in on details. [holds out the phone in embarrassment] Soon's as he finishes laughin'.

Identical-Looking Asians: Inverted in "Christmas Story", when an Asian mugging victim and prostitute is looking through the mug books. When she remarks to Yemana that "everyone looks so much alike," he says "I know what you mean, I'm Japanese too."

Identical Stranger: A man with curly brown hair and glasses is arrested for making a scene when his specimen at a sperm bank is ruined. At the end of the episode, Dietrich suggests he and his wife could find a man with similar physical characteristics for artificial insemination... and the wife looks at Dietrich with great interest. ("The Bank")

Ignore the Fanservice: A High-Class Call Girl, who is the victim of a semi-related crime, throws herself at Dietrich to a ridiculous extent. As it happens he's trying to swear off sex, and does his best to ignore her. When she tries to test out her seductive new perfume on him he snaps, "Lady, will you get your stinking hand out of my face?"

Informed Judaism: In Season 6 episode "The Brother" Wojo mentions more or less out of nowhere that Barney is Jewish. Wojo mentions this again in Season 7 episode "Rachel" when wondering if that's why Barney is bothered by Wojo maybe dating Barney's daughter.

Insufferable Genius: Dietrich, who is widely read and very intelligent, and seems to be able to deliver an exposition lecture about just about anything that happens in the squad room. This habit of his became a Running Gag which constantly irritated the other detectives. That said, Dietrich is generally a nice guy, which Wojo brings up in "The Inventor" when he's under hypnosis and spends a few minutes saying what he thinks of all the officers in the squad.

In "Discovery", a man claiming to be a detective from the 12th precinct is accosting men as they leave gay bars and demanding money or else he'll beat them. (He's collared by a patron who is himself an off-duty cop.)

In a benign version, a retired man puts on a uniform and starts doing a variety of small administrative tasks because he doesn't have anything else to do and he wants to help out.

Incredibly Lame Pun: Plenty of 'em, often examples of lame office humor like the post office man who says he "ZIPped right over."

Mr. Lun from the Water Department can't seem to shut it off:

...you have to understand, captain, that this drought situation has put the entire water department under a great deal of pressure... I go home at night, and I am completely drained. [A rainmaker] was spouting off about how he could make it rain... if it ever leaks to the press that some drip from the water department hired a rainmaker at the taxpayers' expense... This is coming out of my own pocket. After this, I am tapped out.

Indentured Servitude: In "The Slave" a diplomat has a slave. The slave's grandfather borrowed money from the diplomat's grandfather and he's still working off the debt.

Inkblot Test: In "The Psychiatrist", said psychiatrist has the squad look at inkblots. Yemana sees an elephant wearing a hat. "Now turn the picture upside down and tell me what you see." "An elephant lying on his back. Wearing a hat."

And the District Attorney when he starts talking about himself—them—the District Attorney's office!

Instrumental Theme Tune: Apparently one Hal Linden didn't care for, at least compared to some of his fellow actor's shows. Once on a talk show he appeared with some stars from other shows, all of who were introduced with a few note of their theme songs. When he was introduced Linden said "Man he has such a nice theme, and he has a great theme...me, I've got 'Bum...bumbumbum...bumbumbum...bababaddabadda bum'".

Insult to Rocks: In "Hash", a pair of Polish immigrants, one an actor and the other a theatre critic, have been arrested for fighting a saber duel. The actor fumes over a review in which the critic said he played his role "like a howling jackass". The irritated critic says, "I apologize to the jackasses!"note Which the unknowingly stoned Nick finds hysterical.

In "Graft", the fourth episode, an IA detective comes sniffing around the 12th Precinct looking for cops on the take. He follows the corruption trail all the way to the commissioner's office, which winds up getting him busted back to beat cop.

Later there would be a recurring character, Lt. Scanlon from Internal Affairs, who shows up from time to time to cause trouble for the detectives in the 12th. In "Chase", a heroin dealer who tries to bribe the men of the 12th turns out to be an agent provocateur sent by Scanlon.

In "Field Associate" the 12th gets a nasty memo from IA about all the petty ways they violate regulations, such as Wojo being consistently late for work, or Harris tending to personal business like his book while on the clock for the NYPD. Turns out that Levitt, who is bitter about the lack of respect he gets from the detectives, has been informing on them.

In Vino Veritas: No alcohol or drugs are involved, but this is basically the effect of putting Wojo under hypnotism in one episode. Also occurs when the detectives are quarantined in the squad room, and Harris talks in his sleep.

I Owe You My Life: Dietrich saves Harris's life on a call. Harris is very annoyed at being in Dietrich's debt. ("Identity")

I Was Quite a Looker: A poignant bit when an older woman insisted that a local art gallery had "smut in the window". The smut in question turned out to be a tasteful nude portrait of herself in younger days. She'd been lovers with the now-dead artist, and the picture was a private endearment, never meant for exhibition. (episode "Quo Vadis")

Jury and Witness Tampering: A man about to testify in a mob investigation is Properly Paranoid when some poisoned sandwiches are delivered to the squad-room. He refuses to eat, but Big Eater Wojo is taken to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. Making the best of a bad situation, Barney has Harris check Wojo into the hospital under the witness's name, and Harris leaks to the press that he died. When Wojo is reported to be okay, Yemana opines: "He could eat a desk."

Landslide Election: In "The Election", Inspector Luger is a strong proponent of a good friend of his who is running for office, even though the only thing that anybody else can remember about the candidate is that he was accused of being involved with bribery and corruption in the sanitation department (Luger: "they couldn't prove any of that"). Not surprisingly, the candidate loses by a margin of more than 5 to 1.

Large Ham: The district attorney, complete with Incoming Ham, pacing around the squadroom ranting about the sympathetic suspects who happen to be in. "You're killing me, Miller!"

Last-Name Basis: While Barney and the other detectives are on familiar terms with each other, Barney and Dietrich address each other as "Captain" and "Dietrich". In the two-parter "Eviction" they try out "Barney" and "Arthur" but Dietrich decides he doesn't want to get too familiar.

Laugh Track: The show eventually stopped using a studio audience and switched to a very soft laugh track for a number of reasons:

Scripts were constantly being rewritten and recording sessions lasted well into the early hours of the morning. The bulk of the used footage was actually shot after the studio audience had left, anyway.

The writers stopped swinging for belly laugh-inducing punchlines and opted for a more understated humor. This meant that what live audience reaction there was was very soft and rendered the audience's presence moot.

Leaning on the Fourth Wall: In the final season, the squad start to feel how repetitive the police work is and wonder if it's time to move on. The reason Danny Arnold ended the show was because he felt they'd hit the point where they were repeating themselves.

Also Yemana when cooking shabu shabu in the squad room, in episode "Fire '77". After Wojo says it smells like garbage, Yemana indignantly lists the ingredients—fish heads, cabbage leaves, cucumber rinds— then says "Come to think of it, that is garbage!" At the end, after Barney tastes the shabu shabu and likes it, Yemana realizes he cooked it wrong.

Like Father, Like Son: In "Kidnapping," the kidnappers demand that Siegel's start giving away free merchandise, which the young Ms. Siegel protests vehemently because it's bad business. When Mr. Siegel is recovered through a ransom and learns how much it was, he yells at them for not haggling and starts listing the health problems they could have used to knock down his price.

Little People Are Surreal: Lots of gags in "Sex Surrogate" after Harris investigates a report of a child burglar and finds out that it's not a child, it's an elderly little person (played by Billy Barty).

Lockdown: In "Quarantine", the 12th precinct is locked down and everyone is stuck there after they find out a guy Wojo arrested might have contracted smallpox in Africa.

The Loins Sleep Tonight: "Wojo's Problem" deals with this. Wojo blames it on the tidal wave of women wanting to have sex with him.

Lottery Ticket: Two cases involved winning lottery tickets...in "Advancement" a man who had the winning numbers attacks a store owner who forgot to register it before the drawing note this was before computers automatically did so ; and a man who started throwing his winnings out a window to the people below on the street after being driven crazy with guilt from people asking for financial help.

Long-Lost Uncle Aesop: Deliberately averted. According to their DVD Commentary, the writers made a rule that except for previously-established characters like Barney's wife, all the guest characters had to be people the cops were meeting for the first time.

Looks Like Jesus: The owner of an Indian restaurant and Hindu temple in Season 3 episode "Abduction".

Bookie: [in a whisper to Fish] I'll give you seventy-five to one it ain't!

Mail-Order Bride: A late-series arc has Inspector Luger, lonely and facing retirement, deciding to get a mail-order bride. In one episode he strong-arms Barney into writing the letter for him. In 8th-season episode "Arrival" Luger's Filipina mail-order bride shows up. In series finale "Landmark" they are happily married.

Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe: In 8th-season premiere "Paternity", Wojo is hit with a paternity suit. He finds out that he's sterile, which gets him off the hook for the paternity suit but actually makes him feel worse.

Marital Rape License: The plot of fourth-season episode "Rape", which almost certainly is the most dated of all Barney Miller episodes. A woman comes into the 12th Precinct and accuses her husband of raping her. This is the cause of much confusion and consternation in the squad room. Once the assistant DA and the husband's defense lawyer arrive, there is a long debate about things like "English common law" and "basic biological laws" giving a man the right to violate his wife, versus the wife's privacy and dignity. The debate is ended when the wife agrees to drop charges after the husband promises to be nicer to her and more affectionate. It might seem bizarre to a 21st-century viewer, but in The '70s there was much debate over whether marital rape was a thing. 47 states actually had the Marital Rape License written into law. The highly publicized Oregon v. Rideout case, in which John Rideout was acquitted of raping his wife Greta, happened in 1978, the year after this episode aired.

Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: There are several episodes invoking this trope in which it's not clear if the person in question is crazy. Many of them are played by recurring guest star Kenneth Tigar.

Twice Tigar appears as a character named Mr. Kopechne. When Mr. Kopechne claims to be a werewolf he isn't taken seriously, but his second appearance as a victim of demonic possession is much more disturbing, complete with a Voice of the Legion.

In "The Photographer", a man who claims to be Jesus returned (also played by Tigar) gains the friendship (and discipleship) of a suspect named Paul with a "miracle" akin to changing water to wine: a bag of drugs turning out to be a Beat Bag, freeing him of charges. Paul had asked him for a miracle "like when you made all those sandwiches."

A man (Tigar again) plagued by a poltergeist named Julius, concurrent with a lot of small accidents and an attack of clumsiness.

A "clairvoyant" played by, yes, Kenneth Tigar, who attacks a man for a purse-snatching he hasn't committed, but it just so happens he picked a repeat offender... and he perceives the cloud of "resentment" that results from Luger turning up, subsequently broadcasting Barney's frustrations. ("The Psychic")

A time-traveler in a long striped scarf, who identifies himself as such because he's sure nobody will believe him, convinces Harris to invest in zinc, apparently recognizes the Arthur Dietrich, and vanishes after leaving. {"The Child Stealers")

A rainmaker hired by New York City's department of water during a drought appears to be successful after being arrested for lighting a ceremonial fire in Central Park. He insists he was doing it scientifically by stuffing the raw chicken with cloud-seeding chemicals. ("The Rainmaker")

In "Strip Joint" a man who claims to be "a combustible" (as in, spontaneous) insists that he is overheating in the cell and needs ice just before the wastebasket across the room catches fire. Barney's response? "Get him some ice."

A man who believes he is plagued by a succubus falls asleep in the cell, where he dreams very loudly and... vividly. ("Graveyard Shift")

In "Computer Crime", an obeah woman at one point seemed to prevent Harris from opening the cell door by looking at it. Toward the end of the episode, she presented Barney (who at the time was reconciling with his semi-estranged wife) with a talisman.

Obeah: Just wave this talisman three times over your bed, and souls that were separated will soon be reunited. (Barney gives Wojo a Death Glare)Wojo: I didn't say anything, Barn!

Meaningful Name: The aging inspector who looks back fondly on the life-threatening shootouts of the old days, waxes nostalgic about his old comrades getting shot down in their prime, and doesn't understand the modern force's need for things like proper procedures, suspects' rights, and paperwork is named "Luger".

The man who hits on Fish while he's on mugging detail offers "her" money. ("Group Home")

Levitt assumes that Rachel, Barney's college-age daughter, is a prostitute when she visits the precinct (episode "Rachel"). Barney, of course, is outraged at the assumption. (Rachel isn't wearing anything unusual, either.)

Mushroom Samba: In "Hash", one of the most famous episodes, Wojo's girlfriend-of-the-week gave him a box of homemade brownies laced with hashish. Everyone but Barney (who's watching his weight) become affected by them in different ways - Yemana thinking his legs had walked off, Harris getting giggly, and Fish jumping across a roof to chase down a suspect a third his age.

Fish: The first time in twenty-five years I've felt really good... and it has to be illegal!

Cotterman and a jeweler are horrified to realize that one of them—they don't know which—shot and killed a burglar. ("Good-Bye, Mr. Fish: Part 1")

In "Possession," the police chaplain loses his temper at the "possessed" Kopechne's insults and tries to attack him. When he calms down, he's so ashamed of himself that he says he can't call himself a priest.

Chano goes through this after he shoots and kills two bank robbers in "The Hero".

Played for Laughs in "Atomic Bomb." An elderly, German-accented FBI bomb agent is a little too enthusiastic about a physics student's mockup A-bomb.

Agent: [wistfully] Can you imagine how things would be if we had developed this first? Student: We did. Agent: [remembering himself] Oh sure, sure. Now we did. But before... we didn't.

Played for Drama in "The Librarian" with the seemingly-funny and whimsical Mr. Zelinka of the prank shop. The squad assumes that he's the victim of antisemitism when his shop is vandalized with swastikas until they arrest Mr. Baru, the Sole Survivor of Zelinka's Romani "work detail" in the concentration camp Birkenau.

No Fourth Wall: Averted, literally, in "Chinatown" Part 1. For this episode that aired in the eighth and last season, they actually built a fourth wall. The camera cuts from what was the standard shot for the whole run of the series—a shot over Dietrich's shoulder as he questions a civilian—to a reverse shot from behind the suspect that shows a fourth wall behind Dietrich. This fourth wall would be featured periodically throughout the final season.

Non Sequitur Distraction: In "Riot" a riot breaks out in front of the precinct station. Barney gives an impassioned speech to a representative, saying among other things "Maybe we are all going to hell in a handbasket." When things quiet down, Dietrich says to Barney "Hell in a handbasket?"

One one episode, a man is brought into the station for writing on the walls of a women's restroom, where he left his phone number and an offer to engage in an unspeakably disgusting sex act. The act itself is never named out loud, but characters read a transcription of the message and crack jokes about it throughout.

The same thing sort of happens in "The Vandal", when the squad room is vandalized and said vandal leaves a message that goes down the back hallway. All you can see is CAPTAIN MILLER IS A DIRTY M, but it obviously goes on to elaborate, and we get to see the reactions of everyone who reads it. (Barney's is: "Heh... marvelous.")

Scanlon of Internal Affairs. He takes malicious glee in targeting Barney's squad, frustrated by the fact that they are thoroughly not corrupt.

Numerous bit characters appeared from governmental departments who either didn't do much to help, weren't sure what their job was, or were an active hindrance. One example was the man from Immigration who was supposed to have been in the Department of Agriculture. ("Asylum")

Odd Couple: At one point during a season-long arc in which Harris tries to desperately find a new place to live, he reluctantly accepts Dietrich's invitation to stay at his place. Interestingly Ron Glass would go on to play half of the most famous Odd Couple directly after Barney Miller' went off the air in 1982's The New Odd Couple.

Office Romance: Between Wojo and Wentworth before Linda Lavin left the show.

Old Flame: In "Old Love" Dietrich's old girlfriend from college shows up. She tells him that she's Happily Married, but she still gives him a passionate kiss, and they leave for a long lunch that's strongly implied to really be a nooner.

One Phone Call: Played straight many, many times, when suspects brought into the 12th get their one phone call.

Orphanage of Fear: Children's Center, according to young Jilly Pappalardo and her friend Victor Kreutzer in "Evacuation".

Jilly I hate it, I don't want to live there, you get pushed around and the food stinks!

Fish If I can take it, you can take it.

Paying for the Action Scene: One or more of the perpetrators of the week have had a fight in an establishment which is pressing charges, then are informed that the establishment will drop the charges if they'll pay for damages.

Percussive Maintenance: In "Stress Analyzer", a stress measurement device is strapped to Dietrich just before he goes to investigate a disturbance with Levitt. After he has been gone for a while, the monitor to which the device sends its signal goes haywire and then flatlines, leading the personnel of the 12th to believe Dietrich has been killed in action. At one point, Luger pounds the top of the device; Dr. Danworth (James Cromwell), who is running the stress measurement test, tells him he already tried that. Luger asks, "Did you try this?", and kicks the desk in anger. When Levitt returns and reveals that Dietrich is alive and unharmed, Danworth takes a moment to absorb the news, then tries kicking the desk.

Pilot: "The Life and Times of Captain Barney Miller". After ABC rejected the pilot, it was burned off as an installment of a summer anthology series called Just for Laughs (this was a common network practice for failed pilots back in The '70s). However, favorable reaction to the pilot and interest by an ABC director named John Rich led the network to revive the show.

Season 2 episode "Fish" (Dec. 4, 1975), besides being the first appearance of Steve Landesberg as Dietrich, also takes place mostly at Fish's house, introduces his daughter Beverly, and includes a different actress in the role of Bernice. It was in fact a back-door pilot for a Fish spinoff series. Fish the series didn't debut until 1977, and when it did, it used the original Bernice and the character of Beverly was never seen or mentioned.

"Wojo's Girl" part 2 (which originally aired together with part 1 as a one-hour episode) takes place entirely in Wojo's apartment, and the only characters who appear in the episode are Wojo and his new girlfriend Nancy. This was a backdoor pilot for a proposed spinoff series called "Off Duty" which would follow the detectives' lives away from work. Nothing further came of it.

In one episode inveterate gambler Nick comes in crowing about a big score he had made: he picked all the bowl games, then bet it all on a hockey game and won there too. Then his bookie comes into the detective squad room and turns himself in for illegal betting: turns out everyone had had the same sting of luck and he can't cover his bets. And not everyone is as nice as Nick is.

In "People's Court" a burglar had been caught and tried in a makeshift community court (which had been designed for small civil disputes) and had been serving his "sentence" locked up in the basement. He escapes and is picked up by the real cops; he's grateful to be in a real jail.

Premature Encapsulation: "The Desk" is the title of an episode involving a lobotomized criminal and an Amish mugging victim; the following episode, "The Judge", has the subplot revolving around removing Nick Yemana's old desk from the squadroom.

Prison: Barney gets thrown into a cell in two-part episode "Contempt" when he is held in contempt of court for not revealing the identity of a confidential informant.

The Problem with Pen Island: The broad white, all capital, rounded-corners font of the show's credits wasn't exactly complimentary to series co-creator Theodore J. Flicker.

Profiling: In "The Harris Incident" two white cops come upon Detective Harris with his gun trained on a suspect. The cops shoot at Harris.

Promotion to Opening Titles: Ron Glass and Jack Soo in the second season; Ron Carey and Steve Landesberg in the fourth. James Gregory also got a promotion in season four, complete with an And Starring credit, but it didn't take, and he was back to guest star billing the following season (though he remained a regular throughout the show's run).

Due to a budget crisis, Barney has to (temporarily) lay off Harris, Chano, and Wojo; immediately after they get a call about a grocery store hold-up. The former detectives decide they all need some groceries right now, and if they "happen" across any crime they can make a citizen's arrest.

In Season 3 finale "Strike" the detectives walk off the job as a part of a citywide police protest, but a call comes in and Barney is suddenly overworked because it's just him, Inspector Luger and Officer Levitt holding down the fort. So Wojo goes out on the call, telling the other guys he'd just do this one. After getting back now Wojo has to process the perpetrator.

In "Hunger Strike" they bring in a woman who everyone thinks is crazy (she escaped from a mental asylum where she's been held ever since she first arrived in the country 20ish years previously) and speaking her own made-up language. It turns out she is perfectly sane; she's just speaking a rare Macedonian dialect. Dietrich tracks down someone who speaks Macedonian to communicate with her. None of the Macedonian is subtitled.

A young German woman is in the precinct and nobody can understand her until Dietrich shows up. ("The Baby Broker")

Wojo has conversations in Polish with several characters over the course of the series; though he occasionally translates parts of them into English for Barney (and the audience)'s benefit, others are not subtitled.

The characters would frequently cite the actual articles or court cases that inspired the episode.

In "The Layoff" (1975), Barney has to lay off Chano, Harris, and Wojo because New York City is broke and can't pay its bills. In Real Life NYC was in desperate financial straits at the time.

In "Protection" the detectives listen to the actual speech by President Ford (The one that inspired the famous Daily News headline 'Ford to City: Drop Dead'), and celebrate when he says that even though he intends to veto any measure to bail out NYC, he intends to keep funds going to essential services such as Fire and Police.

In "Hunger Strike", a Macedonian lady has been institutionalized for twenty years as a schizophrenic speaking meaningless gibberish because no one understands her language. This is based on the story of David Tom. A film of his story is in the works.

In the 1981 episode "Possession", Mr. Kopechne says he is possessed by a demon who smashed windows using his body. Dietrich mentions that possession actually was recently used as a legal defense. He means the Arne Cheyenne Johnson case.

Roof Hopping: The hash brownies consumed in "Hash" allow Fish to jump a 12-foot gap between buildings to run down a burglary suspect.

Rule 34: In the episode "The Indian", the detectives catch a shoe fetishist. Wojo says "You can point to any object in the Sears catalog, and there's someone out there who wants to sleep with it."

In Season 2 episode "Rain" (Nov. 27, 1975), the leaky roof of the 12th Precinct is blamed on the building being "forty years old", and a maintenance man says the building was built in 1932. In series finale "Landmark" the 12th Precinct is sold to developers when it is discovered to be a historical landmark—Theodore Roosevelt had an office there during his time as New York City Police Commissioner (1895-97).

In Season 6 it's established that Barney is Jewish (see Informed Judaism above) But in season 3's "Christmas Story" Barney is exchanging gifts with his detectives and in Season 5's "Toys" he's reminiscing with Liz about taking David to see Santa.

Jews often incorporate Santa into Chanukah celebrations. Part of the reason Chanukah has been played up over the decades — it's really a minor holiday, Purim in early spring is the big banquet-and-gift-giving one — is that it occurs around Christmastime so kids can feel there's a "Jewish Christmas".

"Shaggy Dog" Story: In "The Inventor," the squad calls in a hypnotist so Wojo will remember the name a thief shouted to his partner during their escape; all Wojo can remember is "Hey—!" What was it? "Behind you!"

Shaped Like Itself: "Mr. Thompson's device is still being examined and tested by our trained examiners and testers." ("The Vests")

Shut In: In "The Recluse" the 12th arrests a man who ignored a summons to jury duty. It turns out that the man hasn't left his apartment in thirty years. Being outside in New York City promptly kills him.

Skyscraper Messages: One episode has a call about a man on a ledge. It's quickly followed by a report that the man is writing on the windows. Barney asks "It's not a jumper?" Wojo replies "Unless it's a suicide note."

Sleeping Their Way to the Top: Rosalyn Licori assumes this when Barney innocently asks her to sit down on the couch and insists that she got her job on meric. Barney immediately and apologetically assures her that he has nothing of the sort in mind. (She then says that she did have opportunities.)

Somebody Else's Problem: In "Noninvolvement", Wojo arrests a man who could have intervened in a purse-snatching but didn't, causing another headache for Barney.

Split Personality: The guy arrested for assault in "Power Failure" says he didn't commit the assault, his split personality did. The split personality later emerges, cheerfully admits the deed, and demands to be let go. Later on a third, unknown, and very polite personality comes out.

Spontaneous Human Combustion: In "Strip Joint" the 12th arrests a man who says he is prone to spontaneous human combusion and is a danger to burst into flames at any moment. They finally get him some ice after a trash can across the room bursts into flame.

Springtime for Hitler: In "The Inventor", Harris needs places to put all the profits from Blood on the Badge, and he offers to bankroll an inventor's forever life battery. The inventor sees through this, correctly noting that Harris is looking for the battery to fail so he can claim a write off. The inventor says, "I'll take your money, Sergeant, and my battery will be such a success, I'll push you into the 70% tax bracket!"

Spotlight-Stealing Squad: The show was originally intended to focus on Barney's home life as well as the activities of the precinct, but the writers soon came to realize that the latter were funnier and more interesting than the former, so Barney's wife and kids were shifted Out of Focus and then moved offscreen entirely by season 2 (see The Ghost, above).

Stalker with a Crush: In "Altercation" a woman is mugged outside the precinct building. She seems strangely attentive to Captain Miller. It turns out that she has been stalking Barney since Patrolman Miller stood up for her against some bullies back in 1966; the reason she was outside the precinct building is that she was following Barney around. She's a benevolent stalker, telling Barney him not to worry if he ever notices her following him.

Stock Sitcom Grand Finale: The three-parter "Landmark", which had the 12th Precinct building declared a national landmark and sold to a real estate developer, leading to the squad being broken up and and the characters reassigned to other precincts around the city. Additionally, both Barney and Levitt get long sought-after promotions, to deputy inspector and plainclothes detective respectively. Luger gets married. An array of recurring characters (Bruno Binder and his wife, Marty and Darryl, Ray Brewer, others) turn up to wish the detectives farewell. The show ends with Barney, alone in the office, looking around and wistfully remembering Chano, Fish, Wentworth, and Yemana, before leaving.

In the first episode Puerto Rican officer Chano rants at a Puerto Rican criminal for being so embarrassed when catching his fellow Puerto Ricans committing crimes that Chano has to arrest them in an exaggerated white-guy accent.

Harris is very irritated at a Jamaican doctor who claims to be under a curse from a voodoo priestess. ("Computer Crime") The doctor retorts that he is proud of his heritage... but admits that being dictated to by an angry obeah woman bothers him a little.

In "The Child Stealers", Camp Gay Marty's Straight Gay partner, Darryl Driscoll, exasperatedly asks him to "stop reinforcing the stereotype" on one visit to the squadroom. This is plot-relevant, as Mr. Driscoll is trying to get the 12th to make his homophobic ex-wife honor his child visitation rights with their son.

Straight Man: Barney, inevitably to whatever zaniness was going on around him. Nowhere more prominent than in "Hash", where he's the only one who didn't eat one of the hash brownies. In the DVD commentary the writers say that Barney was given jokes on occasion early on, but it became clear that the humor was more effective with Barney as a straight man for all the wacky visitors to bounce off of.

Studio Audience: Used for the first three seasons, before being discarded in favor of a closed set and a (very sparsely employed) Laugh Track.

At times during the three-part final episode, the chuckles of the crew can be heard faintly in the background.

Stupid Crooks: Dozens, and way too many to list. Among those that stand out: A flasher who is arrested in the middle of December when it's below zero (he later cleans up his act and becomes a councilor in a later season), a man in a wheelchair who shoplifts and twice tries to flee the station ("Wojo's Problem"), and a convict who is given unsupervised prison furloughs for work release, but uses them to commit armed robberies.

Subverted Rhyme Every Occasion: In "Vanished" Part 2 the detectives arrest one Alfred Royce, a kook who committed armed robbery in order to fund his campaign for the Presidency in 1980. Barney reads his bumper sticker: "Alfred Royce, the people's...candidate."

Take This Job and Shove It: In series finale "Landmark" part 3, Harris reacts to the news that he is being transferred to Queens by shouting "I quit!". When a frustrated Harris rants that can just be a full-time writer, Barney agrees with him. Since it's the series finale we never find out if Harris follows through.

Taking the Bullet: In "Hair", Det. Gardeno, a temporary transfer to the 12th Precinct, takes a bullet for Chano. Subverted when a shamefaced Gardeno admits to Barney that it was an accident; he knocked down Chano not to take the bullet for him, but because he was turning to run away.

Talking Down the Suicidal: A semi-regular occurence; the squad will get a call about a jumper and then return with the would-be suicide. In "Happy New Year" Fish goes out to talk someone down while a woman is having a baby at the precinct. He fails, and the jumper jumps. After the woman delivers Fish shows up and is told about the delivery.

Fish: You win some, you lose some.

Tension-Cutting Laughter: In "The Librarian". It's the audience rather than the characters, but the joke is still a tension-breaker. After the sobering account of the Birkenau concentration camp in which Mr. Baru was the only survivor from thousands of Roma, and the inability to jail Zelinka, the ex-Nazi, Baru has to make one confession to the squad:

"I have over three hundred parking tickets."

Thanking the Viewer: After the final freeze frame of the final episode, the credit "Goodbye and thank you from all of us at the old One-Two" pops up on the screen before the credits roll.

Thanksgiving Episode: "Thanksgiving Story", in which a man is brought into the precinct for stabbing his brother-in-law with a fork over Thanksgiving dinner.

This Is Reality: One criminal copycats heists from shows and TV movies. They catch him after he fails to pull off a subway heist. ("Copycat")

Tontine: A season 8 episode revolves around one of these. The remaining two shareholders, a pair of amicable elderly men, tried playing cards to determine who would "bow out," as it were.

The Triads and the Tongs: Two-part episode "Chinatown" involves a gang called The White Dragons that killed some people in a Chinese restaurant. Harris and Dietrich wind up in a hotel room with the only witness, a frightened waiter, trying to get him to tell them what he saw.

Turn in Your Badge: Barney has to do this in "Eviction (Part 1)". As is typical of this low-key cop show, it's because Barney was trying to avoid an ugly confrontation. He is relieved of duty after dragging his feet about enforcing a court order to eject some renters from their soon-to-be-demolished apartment building.

Uncanceled: The pilot was originally not picked up, and just "burned off" in the summer. However the ratings of that one showing revived interest in the concept, and more episodes were ordered the next season.

Uncoffee: Wojo tries to come up with a coffee substitute during a drought and uses Dietrich's idea of hot Dr. Pepper. ("The Rainmaker")

The Unpronounceable: Various people with foreign names, such as a Polish drama critic named Zbigniew Psczola. "You spell it like it sounds, pay ess chay zay oh ell ah." This was a running gag with Wojciehowicz.

Unusual Euphemism: Harris' many creative names for the mental ward of Bellevue Hospital.

Dietrich: My favorite was "the Disoriented Express."

Vice President Who?: In "Field Associate" a conspiracy theorist loon starts rattling off the names of prominent members of the Trilateral Commission. After naming Carter and Henry Kissinger, he mentions Mondale and Dietrich says "Who?"

Waiting for a Break: Dietrich isn't really waiting for one, but according to a character who claims to be a time traveler from the future (and who for the most part doesn't show any other obvious signs of being crazy, so that the detectives all wind up halfway believing him), he eventually gets one anyway. The character's reaction to learning who Dietrich is strongly implies he's a household name in the future. ("The Child Stealers")

Dietrich (as everyone else stares at him following this revelation): I couldn't have done it without you guys.

What Did I Do Last Night?: Ray Brewer relates an incident of this to Barney while explaining what prompted his joining the Salvation Army. He found an unlocked door, which turned out to be the service door of a liquor store that had closed for the night, and woke up driving a subway train.

Writer's Block: A storyline at the beginning of Season 8 has Harris mad at Barney because Barney forced him to miss a meeting with his literary agent. In "The Car" Harris admits that his real problem is a severe case of Writer's Block; he has been unable to write anything since "Blood on the Badge".

Write Who You Know: in-universe Gets Det. Harris in trouble when his thinly veiled portrait of sleazy attorney Arnold Ripner in his novel isn't veiled enough. This is a multi-episode storyline that ends in "Liquidation" when Harris suffers a devastating court loss and has to cough up $320,000.

Your Days Are Numbered: In "Field Associate" an old con is pretty unconcerned about Harris arresting him for burglary. It's because the old con has liver cancer and six months to live.

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