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Monday, March 23, 2015

My Commitment for the next 70 Days

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” ― Peter F. Drucker

My Word for this year is Commit. I promised myself to COMMIT to all kinds of things...but mostly to my Art and my Health. This time last year I had Committed to working out, eating healthy and was on a roll!! I had lost nearly 15 pounds, wearing clothes I hadn't in years and feeling SO GOOD about myself.

But then, like I always do...while I was gaining more and more momentum...I just stopped.

Tracking my food.

Walking.

Working out.

Caring.

And as I stopped doing all those things...stress set in and i began to eat and not care some more. But the thing is...I really DO care. But for whatever reason I don't care ENOUGH. It's always been just one long vicious cycle with me. When good things happen...I freeze...not knowing how to react, go into a tailspin and take one big nose dive.

This is one of my favorite photos of myself. I was doing SO GOOD here!! I was down nearly 15 pounds and wearing a dress I had bought to celebrate my success.

The funny thing is...while I remember feeling FABULOUS this day...I also remember telling myself I still had such a long way to go. NUTS when I think about it now. I want to be here again so darn BAD!!!

So as I began gaining one pound then four pounds, etc., etc....I kept telling myself that it was no big deal and I would get it off again soon. Every Monday I would START and COMMIT myself again to working out and eating right.

All of that is well and good but unless you have a plan and then actually FOLLOW THROUGH with it...you will fail miserably.

So here I am today...all fifteen pounds back on my body and feeling like crud.

UGH

This is a photo of Emma and I last week at Family Camp in Mesa, Arizona...what a wonderful time we had!! But look at me!!! I was so uncomfortable and out of shape here.

My sweet girl Emma had just finished her 49 day journey at Anasazi. As part of that journey we were invited to spend two and half days in the Wilderness with her. On our one full day there Emma had us pick up a rock at the bottom of a foothill (looked like a mountain to me!) and as we climbed up to the top we were supposed to think of one thing we wanted to let go of. I had an idea of what I wanted to let go of but as we hiked it became more and more clear to me...so much so that I ended up angry enough to summit without help! (it was quite steep and SO MANY BOULDERS and I was EXHAUSTED and weak!!!)

Anyway...as I climbed I kept my head down...I just didn't want to see how far I had to go. When I thought we may be near the summit I lifted my head and realized we had quite a ways left....my mind screamed..."YOU CAN"T DO THIS LESLIE!!" Silly me started listening to my mind and I found myself ready to shout up to my family..."Let's just stop here...it's almost to the top!!! Why do we need to make it to the top?? Nothing much different there than here."

Before I could get that out though...my HEART said "STOP!" This is what you DO every.single.time. Leslie!! IT'S WHAT YOU DO! and it's WHY you are stagnant in so many areas of your life. YOU STOP when it gets hard. JUST when you are at the goal...YOU QUIT. You think...oh I made it this far...what's the difference between here and there?? It's HUGE!! That's what it is!! It's the difference between winners and losers!!"

I literally stopped for a moment. Why I had I not seen that before?? It's TRUE. I ALWAYS stop before I reach my goal!! It's that way in my art, my weight, when I clean house, create...EVERYTHING!!! If it gets too uncomfortable...I'm out!

I was more determined than ever to summit that day...and I DID!! The view was breathtaking and I honestly couldn't believe I did it!!!! My sweet girl had a very special ceremony at the top then told us to take some quiet time before we threw our rocks off the top. As I thought about all that got me to this moment I realized that if I TRULY committed that day there was no way I would fail. I mean here I was on top of a mountain with the three people that mean the world to me!!!!

Us at Family Camp. LOVE these three!!!!

So here I am nearly 2 weeks later and ready to share my COMMITMENT with you. One of the best ways I know how to be successful is being open and honest with others...so today I commit to weekly updates on my blog, photos and sharing my heart with you. This week I commit to daily walks...I love the way I FEEL when I am outside moving my body!!!

My sweet Em and I leave for PARIS in just 70 days!! We have been planning our trip for over a year now (we are going with the HS french club)...so in the next 70 days here are my goals!!

6 comments:

What a great story and experience! I have often done the same thing...stopping just short of achieving a goal...I'm not sure why and it's been frustrating. I'm more mindful of what I commit to now and really looking at why I'm doing something and focusing on how it feels...no more beating myself up. I'm looking for ways to be friends with that inner critic and do things that are a stretch and achievable as well. It's a new day - we got this ;)

I know I've said this before and I'm sure I will say it many times, but DITTO everything you wrote...about quitting before actually winning, about wanting to commit but yet not doing so. You put everything I've felt about things into such an articulate way, it makes sense when you write it, it makes sense in my head, but when I try to talk about it...it comes out all nonsensical. What an amazing experience you've had, the hike , the summit and the not quitting, the not listening to your negative voice, the time spent with family.....and how fun to be going to Paris!!! I look forward to more posts! Love ya Les! :)

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“A kind of light spread out from her. And everything changed color. And the world opened out. And a day was good to awaken to. And there were no limits to anything. And the people of the world were good and handsome. And I was not afraid any more.” ― John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Taught here October 2014 & 2015

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“Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.” -The Hobbit