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ome friends dragged me off to Murderball, where we sat in a room filled with people who can walk and watched guys in wheelchairs beat the hell out of each other. By the end of it, we were pretty into it--to the point where we were debating who was the hottest rugby guy. And then when we left, we crashed into everything in our path on our way to the parking garage. Boom. It was a pretty good documentary.

If you're going to live life in a wheelchair, I think a few rules apply:

1) Get a wheelchair that has a little color on it. Rolling around in one of those institutional-gray things is so pointless; we all see the chair, you might as well show it off. If you don't have the money for a fancy purple chair, then decorate yours somehow, or paint it or something. Personally, I'm a fan of the one guy who had wheels with little blinking red lights. Super-cool. (Same thing goes for canes cruthes, etc.)

2) If you are physically capable, participate in an activity where your chair is an elemental feature. Yes, you can do all sorts of things that everyday people do, as if the chair didn't matter; but you should take it a step further, and use it to your advantage. Quad Rugby is a fantastic example of a sport that a lot of able-bodied people would like to play...although not everyone can crash into each other all day like that, but you might as well figure out a way to have fun with what you've got. I.e., get some friends, both of able-bodied and wheelchair-confined means, and organize a jousting tournament, using those floatation-Noodles as spears. After the "Oh my God, what are they doing" shock, it could actually be really fun.

3) Don't run over my feet like that one guy did a few years ago, because he was mad I was in his way. No need to drive angry.

4) If you get around by pushing yourself, realize that you very well may have a totally hot torso, due to all that physical activity. Don't be afraid to show off your muscles. Guys, get a gay friend to go buy you some good sleeveless shirts. We know where to get the best ones.

5) Head to the dance floor. Most able-bodied people cannot dance whatsoever, and just bounce around; a guy in a wheelchair doing some wheelies and 360s would be a big hit, and you'd look better than my brother doing the white man's overbite all night.

6) I had a head injury when I was 18, and spent several months learning how to walk properly again. During that time, I would hobble around with my cane and enter as many public buildings as possible, testing their handicap-accessibility. If I couldn't get in easily, I demanded they fix their doors, or add ramps or whatever. It's a law, you know. Stand up for yourself. Even if you can't.

Ever have one of those days when every single person you didn't like was all in one room at the same time?

Thank God I had my car with me, so I could just leave. I came home and read Harry Potter instead. I'd much rather read about the people he doesn't like than deal with the demons in my own world.

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I am going back to Dallas all next week. The folks at Q Television booked me for a week's worth of shows, during which I will undoubtedly act like a complete lunatic. And I couldn't be happier. Q Television is going to broadcast the 2006 Gay Games, which will take place in Chicago, and my goal is to be a sportscaster for the big event. I want to sit in a booth while wearing an ugly suit and a pair of headphones, while queers flip around on a gymnastics mat and lesbians lift heavy things.

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Send good vibes into the universe for my brother and his wife, who welcomed their third child into the world today. It is their third daughter, all born in 2 1/2 year intervals. Apparently my brother really wants his house to be in chaos for the next 18 years, hence his desire to pop out all the kids in succession. And three girls!! He's already exhausted, but I couldn't be more pleased. I am going to spoil the living hell out of them. Watch out.

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I want to perform at the WYSIWYG show in New York. I will be there in September. I have all sorts of stuff planned. Anyone ever been?

So none of my friends went to any of the Outfest films, and as a result did not see my big fancy short.

I have no idea if it was fancy or not, as I haven't even seen it yet.

Anyone out there catch it? I have heard nothing, so that leads me to believe it wasn't all that spectacular.

~~~

I WAS on a spectacular show that's taped in Dallas, however...for those of you who heard of/saw it: I was on the Jack E Jett show on Q Television, one of the budding gay networks. (The studio is just outside of Dallas, which is funny, as Dallas is, like, the most Born-Again Christian city on Earth. Little do the evangelists know what is going on in that little building down the road!! Ha.)

Why was I on the show? I have no idea. They just asked me to come be a guest. And I showed up, because I am a media whore. And seriously, I had so much fun with them, I didn't want to leave. A very funny, creative, innovative bunch, those Q Television people are.

I have received several emails with questions about the shows, but honestly I have no additional information, as I don't have Q Television through my cable provider. If you have any questions, however, you can contact them at http://www.qtelevision.com/site/contact.asp.

I got a flat tire on the way back from Houston to Austin today, and after getting the aerobic workout of my life from jumping up and down on the crowbar to loosen the tire's lugnuts, I'm really worn out. Does my typing look lazy? Are my letters droopy? It's how I feel. Too much sun, too much heat. And I have sooooooooooo much work to do tonight. Blah.

4) Midnight showing of Mean Girls, complete with audience members who dress up like The Plastics--although it wasn't Wednesday, yet they were all wearing pink, and that's what you're supposed to do on Wednesday. Fridays are track pants. But track pants aren't very glamorous, so the pink is fine this time.

5) A drink or two.

6) And the rest of the good stuff.

7) After, he stares absent-mindedly at the TV, showing Telemundo, because he speaks Spanish better than English. I drift off to sleep, head on his chest. Every once in a while, he laughs. Hee-hee-hee.

There's nothing to say about the whole thing, really. It's just normal. I could make jokes about our slight language barrier, which makes us both laugh. Or I could talk about the way he looks at me sideways, with that grin spread across his face, when he's thinking something naughty; it makes my heart race, and he knows it, which makes me crazy. I could even talk about my utterly irrational fear that he wouldn't come back when he went to his car, because he needed to get his other shoes. But he did come back, and I didn't tell him I was worried. Because that is just so, so stupid. :) So I won't talk about that.

It's totally normal for a guy like this to take interest in me, right? Sure. Guys like this hit on me all the time. Okay, they never do. I guess this time, I got lucky. Can he see my eyelids twitching every time I look at him? Yeah, that's a side-effect of totally having stars in your eyes, I guess. Either that, or it's nerves.

Am I playing it cool? I think so. And I'm starting to relax. Eventually I'll stop smiling every single minute I am sitting next to him. At least I hope so, because my face is getting really tired. Why do I keep thinking about that special Mickey Mouse birthday cake I had when I turned 6? Probably because that was the last time I was this excited. He's just a big, muscly, brown-eyed birthday cake, with black curly hair, and skin so smooth you want to lick it him from head to toe every time he says the funniest, sweetest things.

I could make a joke about blowing out my birthday candles, but I won't do that either. Too easy.

Hugs. I'm off to obsess for the rest of the day, and over-analyze every single thing I say. I really hope I relax soon, because I'm exhausting myself. And I'm having soooooooo much fun.

I walk in to buy a map and a pack of gum, as I am lost and have a taste for some sugary mintiness. A customer at the register casually looks at me as I enter, and his eyes widen with recognition. Uh oh, I think. Here we go.

But he just walks out the door. His eyes are wide, he's grinning, but he leaves me alone.

I find my gum, and step out of the aisle to head to the register, and I walk smack into a young woman without much apparent use for personal space. "My boyfriend said you were in here," she says, hypnotizing me with here bulbous blue eyes. "He recognized you from The Inferno."

"Yes, that happens from time to time," I reply. I step back. She steps forward.

"You're hot." She pokes me gently in the gut, playfully.

"Thanks."

And she smiles, lowering her face but keeping those eyes locked on me. "And my boyfriend thinks so too."

"Really?" Blood rushes to my face.

"Yeah. He's a little bisexual."

"Well honey, you should be careful with that."

"Do you want to meet him?"

"I have someone waiting in the car, I better not." My face is burning hot, flushed with the blood of embarassment, as I sneak past her to the cash register with my stuff.

"He was just in here, you saw him. He's hot too."

"Well, congratulations on having a hot boyfriend."

She says her goodbyes as I pay for my map and my gum, and I watch her walk to her car, which is packed with several rowdy young guys. I then walk nonchalantly to my car, tell the man in my car what just happend, and he doesn't even look phased. "Girls are into that now," he says. "It's the new thing."

"Since when?"

"It just is. It's always been cool for girls to be bisexual, now it's the guys' turn."

I don't believe him. I think this girl is just dating a big gay dude. Nevertheless...times, the are a'changing.

Hello, and welcome to your Monday. Wait, it's Tuesday for you, probably, but I'm writing it with 96 minutes of Monday left so it counts for me. I hope your Monday is/was as exciting as can be.

Dearest me, I have been locked in a room watching movies for the Austin Film Festival, reading scripts for the Austin Film Festival, talking on the phone to people about the Austin Film Festival. Has the world continued to spin? I wouldn't know, I haven't seen lately. It's too hot in Texas to go outside anyway, so it's no big deal.

Things you need to know to continue on with your life:

1) To the nice man on the dance floor of South Beach (club in Houston), who gave me his crucifix and told me I "need more Jesus", thank you. It's lovely. And I feel the Spirit. But as you stumbled away in a drunken stupor, and perhaps didn't actually mean for me to KEEP it, I will be happy to return it. God bless.

2) You know you are in Texas when: - New Life Ministries has a call-in sex show on the radio. Apparently God wants us to have fun in bed after all, and there are verses in the Bible that prove it. And who knew there were so many Christian swingers??? There are a bunch, and they're all in the Dallas metro area.

- When the lady at the airport desk asked me where I was from, I replied "California." She raised her eyebrows, and said, "Well, this is God's country here, but I don't know what you would call that place you came from."

3) Charlie And The Chocolate Factory: interesting idea, but the movie isn't good. Johnny Depp has a few funny lines, but mostly he's just weird. And that movie is a great example of bad editing: moved slow, weird scene transitions, etc. I know this, as I've been obsessively watching movies all day every day. ANYWAY--if you want to see the movie, just rent the original instead, it's much better.

4) I always get even. It's so much more satisfying than getting mad. I don't do it often, but I do it well.

5) Another remake that isn't as good as the original: The new Banana Cream Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory? Feh. The original Banana Cream recipe was better. My world is filled with disappointments!! Skip the banana cheesecake and stick with the White Chocolate Macadamia Nut. And rub it all over yourself and let someone special lick it off. Oh is that just me? Shh. Too much information.

6) Escaping your house and driving a few hours to another city, i.e. Houston, for a friend's birthday party can be big fun. And staying sober can put an interesting twist on the events. I've been drinking too much as of late--not in an alcoholic way, just in a partying-too-much way--so I did the soda-and-water thing all weekend. Weird perspective, that sobriety thing. It's like being awake, and you remember stuff, and you don't get mystery bruises on your body with no recollectable explanation. Try it once in a while, it's big fun.

Hugs. Thanks for reading. Call a friend and ask him/her over for lunch. You cook/order the food yourself. Light a candle. Have an old-fashioned friend-date.

Hi, it's me, Dan. I'm a big fan of you, Houston; I think you may rememeber me mentioning that a few times. Could you do me a favor? Knock off all the rain. I'm coming down for the weekend and the precipitation is screwing up my social agenda. It would be a shame for my cute new swimsuit to go to waste.

Looking forward to the weekend! Thanks for your assistance.

P.S. If you could hold a copy of Harry Potter for me, I'd appreciate it too...while I'm asking for unreasonable requests, I figure I'll give that one a try. I'm going to go to one of the Midnight parties tonight, so hold it there for me.

Fancy stuff, it is. Too bad I can't be there to see the screening; I haven't seen it at all, actually, but I heard it's alright. My friends are going to go see it, which is good, as they will tell me the truth as to if it came out well and if I managed to not suck.

I spent two long nights making out with this hot blond guy in a car, and then running around after him trying to get him to love me. The film is only about 10 minutes long, it's actually meant to be a "public service announcement" about HIV awareness, so it's not a big deal. But it was fun to make.

Because much of the action involved slight stages of undress, I decided to be a complete idiot a few days before the shoot and I waxed my chest hair off, so I would look all sexy and buff (or try to). But it just made my chest break out. So on the day of the shoot, they called in a make-up stylist who used an airbrush to spray-paint makeup all over me, and cover everything up. Sounds cool, right? Too bad the 2nd night of the shoot, it started to rain. Keep in mind this is LA, a virtual desert, where it goes 9 months without a drop of moisture. But on that night, it poured. And I had body makeup EVERYWHERE. What a mess.

So if you see streaks on me somewhere, it's just my makeup oozing off of me in little streams. How sexy.

I am currently watching many many hours of films AND reading many many pages of scripts for the Austin Film Festival, renowned in the independent-film circles for producing good stuff. The festival focuses on the writing aspect of the film, as opposed to other festivals that are more interested in films that are finished products ready for distribution all over the place. I like this job; all the screeners have a secret code number, so when we trash things we don't like, no one can hunt us down. Ha HA! I am dizzy with power.

And it's all top-secret; I can't talk about anything I'm reading/watching. I feel like a big fancy spy, entrusted with sensitive information that I must hold in confidence under the threat of death. So cool. If I see any geeky film-producer types lurking around my bedroom window, I'll know what's up. Good think I took Tae-Bo for a few years...I can protect myself. I'm a tough dude.

I shouldn't call this a "job;" I'm not getting paid for it. I just think it's important to make the world a better place, and if volunteering for a film festival is how you do it, then good for you. My friend in New York called me the other day, and we discussed the fact that even people in New York tend to sit around and watch a lot of TV. "How do people find things to do?" he asked. "I'm scared my boyfriend and I are going to be bored with each other, just because we can't entertain ourselves." And these days, everyone has an excuse as to why they can't go do things for themselves. Time certainly is precious. But there is a big difference between "can't" and "won't." One is a choice.

I'm off to the big comfy chair once again, perched in front of the television. Thanks for reading. Go find a hobby for yourself, or read a book or something. Volunteer for an organization that saves sea turtles. Plant flowers at a retirement home. Give tours at a museum. SOMETHING. You think it will take up your time, but really it will make the rest of your day so much easier.

Hello, and welcome to your Monday. I hope all is going well for you. I am still in Chicago, having a fantastic time. This is the best city to spend the summer, with the breezes off the lake keeping things cool.

Today I met my grandmother for lunch. I had a friend with me, as I came to Chicago with him in the absence of his boyfriend, who could not make the trip. He introduced himself to my grandmother, she took one look at him, and said "You seem like a nice guy." And she then looked at me. "You should stick with this one this time." I long for the days when my family was uncomfortable with me being gay, and therefore stayed out of my love life. And it was just too much energy to correct her, so I just gritted my teeth and smiled.

FYI: When a gay man introduces someone as "My friend ___," they could be just friends; or it could mean they are an item of some sort, but they are uncomfortable explaining their relationship for some reason. HOWEVER, when a gay man introduces someone as "____, a friend of mine," they are just friends and that's it.

Call your grandmother/grandfather/someone today, just to say hi. They want you to. I promise.