Some years ago, a fat asshole in Wisconsin corresponded with a crippled asshole in North Carolina over the Internet. A friendship was forged. The two young men discovered that they had several things in common. However, as the years passed by, they soon realized that they were put on this planet for one reason and one reason only - TO DESTROY EACH OTHER! They knew each other's weaknesses. They knew each other's strengths. They knew each other's fears. Oh, they knew each other all too well. This is the story of their epic battle.

ADAM! Show your face! Let's do this!

For the record, we won't be taking any stupid quizzes. This is going to be fucking brutal. I present to you my first offensive strike...