JournēOn

Friday, June 19, 2015

I don't know how to convey depths of sadness but it's the only way I know how to put words how I feel about what has happened in our world as of late. I typically don't watch the news because as a prolific empathic I feel more than I can bear when I open myself up to the violence in the world. But this most recent act of violence is unavoidable and should be. So I feel sadness like I'm sinking in the water and can't reach the surface. I feel a sadness in my chest that feels like someone is beating a drum on my flesh. I feel a sadness in the back of my throat that feels like I want to scream but my neck is squeezed shut. And that doesn't touch the extent to which I want to dig with my bare hands into the ground and peel away the layers of earth to find a world where these things don't happen.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

My sister-in-law just sent me a link to a blogger favorite of mine JoyfullyBecca. In her most recent post she very honestly reveals what, I think, so many parents feel from time to time. Her post comes at a particularly apt time for me. I spent most of yesterday genuinely feeling like I was a colossal looming black cloud who is a blight on humanity. Extreme? Perhaps. But I've had a couple rough weeks. Becca writes:

Oh man. I saw this book at the library, read the title and added it to the stack. I couldn't agree with the title more. I grew up babysitting. I used to call mom's and ask if I could come over and play with their kids. Ha! I worked as a nanny, babysat every day of the summer for families with working mom's. I took kids on bike rides, plane rides and entertained two sweet boys on a tour bus. I babysat all through college, seminary and even while married and living in Montana, I babysat.

So when we first got pregnant I didn't feel a bit apprehensive. I knew babies. I knew toddlers. I knew tantrums and bedtime routines and how to get herds out the door and into the car. I was ready.

But yesterday I called my mom bawling. I told her I just wasn't cut out for this. I have a cold, Elsie is so fussy lately and isn't sleeping. She was up all night the night before and I was running on no sleep. Ivar is testing, always testing. Trying to find every boundary. And yesterday I just couldn't see any relief. This is my every day. My weekends look no different than my weekdays. And it feels like I am on some perpetual crazy cycle of wiping noses and then wiping bottoms and then noses again and bottoms too.Sigh* I hear ya sister! Although I was not an avid babysitter or even "baby-lover" I was hyper critical of parenting styles. I was, after all, a camp counselor forever so of course having had a bunch of kids in a cabin for one week at a time meant I was an expert. Yeah...The part you don't understand about parenting until you do it is the mind-numbing monotony of it. Yes, it's wonderful, magical, life-changing, and miraculous (ly exhausting). But when the bulk of your day is spent changing diapers, cleaning up yogurt, tripping on legos, stepping on cheerios, rocking back and forth mumbling to yourself with poop on your face, trying to keep on top of dishes and laundry, and getting dressed by 3PM every bloody day, the best description is...

It's also why I bought this book.

Only I don't know hardly any other stay-at-home moms and the ones I have met so far look at me like I'm a she-devil when I merely mention that play dates would be so much more fun without kids...judgers.

All of this is to say "Bravo" Becca for having the guts to talk about how hard it is to be a mom some days. The truth is I wouldn't make a different decision. I've considered it frequently but given everything pertinent to our little bubble, this is what my husband and I have decided for our family. The luxury of having the choice is not lost on me either.

So to all of you parents out there who have done and do this hard work you are marvelous...insane, but marvelous ;)

Maybe I should write a parenting book. I think the title would be something like Why having kids was a terrible idea that I'll never regret. Anyone know a desperate publisher?

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

I have wanted to try stand up paddle boarding for a couple years and finally had the opportunity to test my sea legs thanks to Rob at Silver Creek Paddle and Company ! I'm officially addicted. While my father-in-law was in town we decided to rent a couple boards and explore Long Lake.

We started out on our knees then eventually moved to standing. This is after about two hours on the water. My feet were getting a little sore so I took off my Chacos which was a vast improvement.

Here's pops! Looking like a pro.

oops

Back on land and giddy after three plus hours on the water.
What I loved about paddle boarding
1: A fantastic way to spend the day on the water
2: Great work out
3: You can break a sweat or just take a nap
4: Great way to spend time with people you love to hang out with.
5: Awesome family activity

Conclusion: Give it a try. If you want to try it and are in the Twin Cities area let me know.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

I actually laughed out loud just now when I read my last blog post. Take that new years resolutions! It's why I usually don't make them. "Oops" could actually be the theme of my past week. In the seven days I have done the following 1) forgotten to meet a friend for lunch, 2) forgotten to take a friend to the airport 3) missed two very important birthdays 4) left my keys in the car all night 5) forgotten a wedding gift for a wedding I attended 6) forgotten the diaper bag twice. On a plus note, however, I made cookies for the friend I neglected to take to the airport and forgot them in the oven and burned them to smithereens!

All in a weeks work.

A couple things I did remember this week. I remembered to: brush my teeth at least once each day, throw my extra deodorant in my purse which came in handy the three times I left the house without putting any on, change the laundry whereby I didn't leave any loads of laundry in the wash for over 12 hours (this is almost earth-shatteringly impressive mind you), drink an entire cup of coffee before 10am every morning except Tuesday, and take off my make up after a night out...the next morning;)

So if anyone out there feels scatter brained or just a little off kilter you are in good company. I look at this two ways. Firstly, I have a nine month old and although some people are adept at navigating infancy and life, I am not and I can live with that. I'll get my brain back when the kids go to school...maybe. Secondly, I'm inherently designed to make other people feel good about themselves. For a time in my life this meant that I had some very useful things to say to people, for this time in my life it means that I have a soap-opera-like effect on people around me providing an opportunity to reflect and say, "well, at least I'm not that lady."

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Happy New Year everyone. It has been too long since last I checked in on this blog. I apologize for the silence. One of my New Year's Miraculous Maybe's is to return to blogging again. Part of the reason for my absence was a very uncomfortable pregnancy. Thankfully that is over and now we have
our wonderful and amazing Sigg. Here he is...

Here he is again...in a pumpkin *grin*

All of this is really just to say hello and that I'll be back soon.
To a new year filled with possibility!!!!