The Indian Odyssey of Michael and Nix

I went over to the Yogi Ram Suratkumar Jaya Guru Raya Ashram (how’s that for a mouthful?) yesterday afternoon to check out their schedule. I thought Nix and I may be able to join in with a bhajan session or two to get the energy flowing, and perhaps pull in for a cheap meal or seven (the restaurants in this town are among the most expensive we have come across in India). The guy in the office spoke very little English. He wobbled his head, motioned for me to wait and began to rummage through a dusty file to find me a written schedule. Whilst I waited the puja pricelist on the counter caught my eye. Now there’s something I don’t understand. If you pay x amount of money you get x amount of blessings. How does that work exactly? The most expensive puja was Annadhanam which clocked in at a hefty Rs 3000. I’m guessing that this one puts you on the direct line to God. The cheapest was Thulabaram at Rs 50, which is more within our budget and probably would afford us a quick “hari om” before being shown the door. The Nithya Pooja had the curious price tag of Rs 501 attached to it. Why the extra Rs1? Heavenly VAT perhaps? Clearly there are Indians who earn a lot of money if they are willing and able to pay the Rs 3000. Superstitious businessmen make for good ashram business.... I saw a prime example of the Tamil tache on the face of a policeman as I returned home, and I embarrassed him in front of the coconut ladies by asking him for a photo, but it needed to be done. The Tamil tache must be documented. I think secretly he was quite chuffed that I was photographing his moustache – all modesty went out the window when he gave me the Bollywood hero raised eyebrow look as I took the shot. We spent another sleepless night thanks to the mosquitoes, and Nix’s illness has morphed into something else now – she spent half the night running to the toilet. As I mentioned before, India is not the best place to be if you are ill and/or need a good night’s rest. I relented this morning and bought an insecticide spray that plugs into the mains for “all night protection” – kill the mozzies, kill ‘em all.... I’d have preferred not to go down the chemical route but it’s too hectic here to avoid doing so. We have no mosquito screens over our windows which we need to keep open since it’s very hot here both day and night. Catch 22.... They have an electric tennis racket contraption in the local internet cafe which is very cathartic – the swinging motion and consequent crackling sound as the mozzies hit the electrified grille bring a smile to my face every time. Mosquito Wimbledon.... I went to eat breakfast, get a caffeine kick and find coconut water for Nix before heading over to Amma’s 10am Darshan. I thought it would be good to sit peacefully for a bit since I was feeling massively irritated again. Every Westerner in my vicinity at restaurants is spouting shite at loud volume. Sadly I can’t avoid them – they are everywhere. It’s as if they want everyone to know how “wise” they think they are. If I hear one more prattle on about their prana, inner vibrations or cosmic understanding I’m going to give them a slap. That should be a good test for their cosmic understanding ;) A Saddhu we met today said that Tiruvannamalai is seen as a place that burns up karma, which might mean going through the grinder in order for that to happen. Nix has been bedbound for the last few days with her illness, and I am in a near constant state of wanting to punch someone in the face, so perhaps it is working its magic on us. Just enjoy!