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Author
Topic: My mother just found out (Read 9110 times)

Just wanted to share this story with you: ever since I found out I was poz, a year ago, I never told anyone besides my doctors.

Well today I was at work and what do you know...my mother found my medication request. It was inside a drawer, she was looking for something in my bedroom...STUPID STUPID STUPID.

We had a chat...it was hard at first...but, in the end, it was a beautiful moment. She was sad because she said I should not have gone through all of this by myself, that I should have shared it with her. She said she was sorry that I suffered alone.

And then, in the end, she said she always admired me and now she admires me even more for coping with this as well as Im doing.

"If you're confident, I'm confident. If you are fine then I'll be fine too."

Im still kicking myself for letting her find out...she has so many problems, she didn't have know about this.

She said I'm an incredible person and that I did not deserve this to happen to me. "Well mom, shit happens and it happens to all kinds of people", that's what I said.

And now I'm feeling a little self-pity and a little sad...but tomorrow will be another day.

Rockin -While the way she found out was probably awkward for you -It sounds like you have a very supportive mother.In the long term (and probably even in the short term) - having her support and not having to keep it from her will probably be very beneficial for you.

Most of the time, our parents handle this a lot better than we ever expected.

Just wanted to share this story with you: ever since I found out I was poz, a year ago, I never told anyone besides my doctors.

Well today I was at work and what do you know...my mother found my medication request. It was inside a drawer, she was looking for something in my bedroom...STUPID STUPID STUPID.

We had a chat...it was hard at first...but, in the end, it was a beautiful moment. She was sad because she said I should not have gone through all of this by myself, that I should have shared it with her. She said she was sorry that I suffered alone.

And then, in the end, she said she always admired me and now she admires me even more for coping with this as well as Im doing.

"If you're confident, I'm confident. If you are fine then I'll be fine too."

Im still kicking myself for letting her find out...she has so many problems, she didn't have know about this.

She said I'm an incredible person and that I did not deserve this to happen to me. "Well mom, shit happens and it happens to all kinds of people", that's what I said.

And now I'm feeling a little self-pity and a little sad...but tomorrow will be another day.

My mom is awesome and I love her.

Rockin...I feel for you! Your story is touching and we are blessed with Mom's who can and want to help carry the burden.

Logged

Diagnosed in May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

TRIUMEQ - VALTREX - FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE - PRAVASTATIN - CIALIS

Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Very touching story. I never revealed my status to my family until I was in the hospital dying from AIDS. I didn't realize I would hurt them so much because I thought I was protecting them....WRONG....

You'll find it will be very much like it always was. You're fortunate to have a mother who completely supports and love you.

Wolfie

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Complacency is the enemy. Challenge yourself daily for maximum return on investment.

I'm happy to hear that things went so well. Maybe your experience will help to convince people, that your parents are just that, your parents and there is virtually nothing that we would not do, for our children. As touching as your desire to not tell her might be, her response was typical as her main concern is that you had to go through this alone.

I'm not saying everyone has such parents, but I would think long and hard, before I would shut out the two people who care for you the most in the world. We may not like what we hear, but that's not the point. You are her child and I doubt there is anything that she would not do for you, because parental love is unconditional. That simply means, she loves you period and her reaction confirmed what was in her heart.

Joe

ps. Her threat of never forgiving you for not telling her, is most probably just the hurt talking. But try and listen to that hurt and hear the real message. She would never turn you away and she's hurt that you didn't trust her to be there, when you needed her most. She has a right to be angry and hurt. It's your turn to make things right again.

And you have to be aware that as equal than for us, receiving these news is a real shock for her and she will need a little time to accept it...

I would like to disclose my fathers, I have a far but good relationship with them... Iīve been living very far from them and travelling very little... Last years they have been very worried because of money matters I had (but this has a solution, and is almost solved...) and my marriage (Iīm divorcing, my ex has gone at the other side of the country after my diagnostic and I see very little my son)... My father has HVC from a transfusion and the case is actually in a tribunal. My mother never really accepted I went so far... I donīt believe disclosing from 10.000 km would be a great idea in this context... Personally, I feel good that way, I have a great support here, I usually donīt have problem to disclose that if necessary, but with my familly it is different, I understand Iīm also living in lies with them, I donīt like it, but Iīm not sure sure their reaction will be great, I donīt want to give them some more problems they have..... It is difficult to now if the true is better or no...

I can imagine how you feel having disclosed your status and it is great to have familly support, take care...

I can relate to your story Rockin. A few months after my diagnosis my mom accidentally discovered my status as well as my homosexuality. I left an email page open on my laptop by mistake that she chanced upon.

After the initial shock and grief she's been cool with it, for the most part. Oddly enough, the gay thing bothered her quite a bit too- annoying me a bit at the time.

She was most angry that I hid it from her- and in retrospect I feel better that she did find out. Though the manner in which she found out really made me feel totally naked.

The plus side is that the dilemma of 'having to disclose or not' is off my shoulders. Now I discuss most HIV issues openly with her and she seems receptive for the most part. Obviously, she'll still worry like all moms do, though she doesn't show it. It's made us much closer.

Her threat of never forgiving you for not telling her, is most probably just the hurt talking. But try and listen to that hurt and hear the real message. She would never turn you away and she's hurt that you didn't trust her to be there, when you needed her most. She has a right to be angry and hurt. It's your turn to make things right again.

It wasn't anger at all, we're fine. She just feels sorry for not being next to me during that difficult period that we all experienced.

I can relate to your story Rockin. A few months after my diagnosis my mom accidentally discovered my status as well as my homosexuality. I left an email page open on my laptop by mistake that she chanced upon.

After the initial shock and grief she's been cool with it, for the most part. Oddly enough, the gay thing bothered her quite a bit too- annoying me a bit at the time.

She was most angry that I hid it from her- and in retrospect I feel better that she did find out. Though the manner in which she found out really made me feel totally naked.

The plus side is that the dilemma of 'having to disclose or not' is off my shoulders. Now I discuss most HIV issues openly with her and she seems receptive for the most part. Obviously, she'll still worry like all moms do, though she doesn't show it. It's made us much closer.

Its the drama I get tired of. It was a very emotional and exhausting conversation and I decided to live my life with barely or no drama at all.

Its the drama I get tired of. It was a very emotional and exhausting conversation and I decided to live my life with barely or no drama at all.

In time, when the shock and hysteria abates, when your mom sees you're getting on with your life in spite of the HIV, and when you see that the relationship between you two is practically the same as before, you'll feel relieved that the stress of keeping this secret has been struck off from your list of worries.

I'm sorry you have to get through this, but I'm glad that everything resulted good at the end.

In my case, I didn't had a choice to hide or not my status to everyone in my house: teh aids went and dilligently told everyone in my house that I was poz: Mom (who was with me when the definite Dx came), dad, aunt and my sister. My mom supported without any questions since that day, in fact, I'm writing this today because of them (you don't know how many times I thought of suicide -and once attempted, just the day after the Dx- ).

But if I were diagnosed before I wonder if I would told them...probably not. The depression would kill me, but I don't wanna this burden on them (and it pains me whenever I have to look for the medicines or blood tests I have to get regularly: they don't have to accompany me, I brought this mess on myself), as this is my business, not everyone else. Selfish? yeah, a lot, but I can't help it.

And I apply this to my sexuality subject. I'm still on the closet, but unlike before I was diagnosed, I don't feel the urge to get out of the closet anymore. For what, rejection on my family? or even rejection on any partner that will run away as soon as I tell them I'm poz? nah. If the time comes and I'm forced out of the closet like teh aids did for me regarding my HIV status, I won't deny it but I won't take the first step at least.

Rockin,I would have been freaking out, but I'm sure it's a huge weight off of you..It's been 4 years and still I haven't told my family..I lie and say I'm meeting a friend for lunch, when really I'm goin to doc appts, I also hide my meds in a drawer, and even lied about a 2-week hospital stay last year..I'm sorry about the way it happened, but it's good you are no longer alone with this.

I think you might be confusing drama with actually living your life. Drama involves something very different from what you just experienced. Sharing unconditional love never really hurts.

Joe

By drama I mean this...this fuckin stigma, I hate it. Why can't people finally embrace the fact that its a chronic condition? We are not sick...I'm not sick. I was sick, theres a big difference there.

I just hate it how Im supposed to feel like Im the scum of the Earth for having this...like we are all lepers.

Of course my mom is in the dark about all this and she will learn to deal with it...but, as I was explaining it to her...well it was the first time I actually had to talk about this with someone other than a doctor. So reality sank in. God it is awful...not for the virus itself but how people react. She cried so much...God I hate it. I hate how doctors and the media continue to spread wrong ideas about HIV.

I hate the fact that I never see an poz character on a sitcom or movie. When theres one he or she is usually dying. Such a dark dark place and we are in 2012, it should not be like this at all.

Im fine with myself...unfortunately, others would not. And that fuckin sucks.

By drama I mean this...this fuckin stigma, I hate it. Why can't people finally embrace the fact that its a chronic condition?

Because people have a tendency to be paranoid and judgmental about all matters sexual.

And when it concerns an incurable, formerly no effective treatment therefor illness, for which colossal ignorance is ubiquitous, to which we unfortunately contribute by largely remaining closeted (myself included) - the hysteria ratchets up a few notches. The only way to beat it is to 'own' your infection and not let it own you. At least to start with.

Of course my mom is in the dark about all this and she will learn to deal with it...but, as I was explaining it to her...well it was the first time I actually had to talk about this with someone other than a doctor. So reality sank in. God it is awful...not for the virus itself but how people react. She cried so much...God I hate it. I hate how doctors and the media continue to spread wrong ideas about HIV.

It's normal for your mom to cry over this news. It's not exactly a cause for elation, is it? Bring her to Aidsmeds and other reliable sites; once she's educated about the current reality as well as the advancements made in HIV treatments, her fears would be put at rest. I gave my mom a crash course on HIV. It didn't stop her from going and buying some Ayurvedic meds though LOL

`Because people have a tendency to be paranoid and judgmental about all matters sexual.

And when it concerns an incurable, formerly no effective treatment therefor illness, for which colossal ignorance is ubiquitous, to which we unfortunately contribute by largely remaining closeted (myself included) - the hysteria ratchets up a few notches. The only way to beat it is to 'own' your infection and not let it own you. At least to start with.

It's normal for your mom to cry over this news. It's not exactly a cause for elation, is it? Bring her to Aidsmeds and other reliable sites; once she's educated about the current reality as well as the advancements made in HIV treatments, her fears would be put at rest. I gave my mom a crash course on HIV. It didn't stop her from going and buying some Ayurvedic meds though LOL

Best.

Yeah but Hepatitis C doesn't share the same "fame" does it? And its also sexual and also incurable. I blame "Philadelphia" (juuuuuust kiddin).

And I already gave her a crash course. Thank God Im UND so I'm pretty much as healthy as anyone at the moment. A few weeks ago everyone in my house got really sick due to weather changes and my mom, especially, had a nasty case of sinus. All I had was a mild throat infection that lasted 2 days. Considering I has 2 cases of pneumonia a little over a year ago that was a major relief.

I assured her that I never plan on stop taking my meds and that they do not give me any sort of nasty side effects. She also talked to her doctor of 20 years and she pretty much confirmed all the information I gave her.

Her head is still spinning I guess. No parent wants to see their kid suffers for any situation at all. But I'm living my life as if nothing really changed so I think if she sees that I'm fine she'll be fine as well.

That's why I believe its very important that we always remain brave under the most dire circumstances because if our family sees us crumble in any way theyll crumble even harder. We have to be brave and optimistic not only for for us but, most of all, for them.

There is a huge stigma surrounding hep C as well. Everyone thinks you must be a junkie if you have hep C - many doctors in particular will treat you like shit if they know you have or have had hep C.

I know this from first-hand experience. I had hep C, although I did the treatment and have been hcv undetectable since 2002. I still get the "you're a low-life junkie" treatment from some doctors to this day, despite the fact that I haven't injected drugs in over 25 years and even when I did, I was only a recreational user. That doesn't stop some people from treating me like I had (or still have) a $200 a day habit and stole and/or hurt people to support that habit.

There are also plenty of people who think they can get hep C from being in the same room as someone with hep C and all the rest of it, just like with hiv.

The main difference between the two in the public's overall perception is that in some cases (not all), hep C can be curable. Otherwise, both groups are stigmatised and can experience prejudice both from the public at large as well as families and loved ones.

I'm glad you and your mother are working things out. I agree with the things Joe said - as a parent myself, I would be devastated if I found out my daughter hid something like this from me. I'd feel like she didn't trust me and I would be afraid she thought I didn't love her unconditionally (which I do).

I would want to be there for her, regardless of what the problem was or what caused the problem in the first place. I'm her mother and I love her regardless. It's not only my job to be there for her, it's my heart's desire as well. Give your mum a big hug from me - one mother to another.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

There is a huge stigma surrounding hep C as well. Everyone thinks you must be a junkie if you have hep C - many doctors in particular will treat you like shit if they know you have or have had hep C.

I know this from first-hand experience. I had hep C, although I did the treatment and have been hcv undetectable since 2002. I still get the "you're a low-life junkie" treatment from some doctors to this day, despite the fact that I haven't injected drugs in over 25 years and even when I did, I was only a recreational user. That doesn't stop some people from treating me like I had (or still have) a $200 a day habit and stole and/or hurt people to support that habit.

There are also plenty of people who think they can get hep C from being in the same room as someone with hep C and all the rest of it, just like with hiv.

The main difference between the two in the public's overall perception is that in some cases (not all), hep C can be curable. Otherwise, both groups are stigmatised and can experience prejudice both from the public at large as well as families and loved ones.

I'm glad you and your mother are working things out. I agree with the things Joe said - as a parent myself, I would be devastated if I found out my daughter hid something like this from me. I'd feel like she didn't trust me and I would be afraid she thought I didn't love her unconditionally (which I do).

I would want to be there for her, regardless of what the problem was or what caused the problem in the first place. I'm her mother and I love her regardless. It's not only my job to be there for her, it's my heart's desire as well. Give your mum a big hug from me - one mother to another.

I think as time goes by, and I believe I will remain healthy forever because I'm responding pretty well to the treatment and I do not plan to stop in any way as my combo does not give me any side effect at all, shell realize its no big deal.

You know Ann...youre a long time member here and you always have nice words and you are tough when you have to at the same time. Sometimes I refrain from coming to this forum because I see so much drama, so much gloom, so much despair...

Am I the only one who feels this way? I don't think its the worst thing in the world. I mean....as I said on a previous post...the only thing we CANNOT do is give a blood transfusion. Other than that we can do it all.

Am I being naive? Am I in denial? Yes, occasionally I feel a little down but it goes by really fast. I also feel down whenever I read something awful in the newspaper and I think how stupid and nasty most humans are.

I think sometimes we are also responsible for the stigma. Why can't we even joke about this? Who said our lives would be all about rainbows and unicorns and pretty nice things? Theres no such promise, life is tough and we deal with what is thrown at us the best way we can. That's how I face it and, especially now that my mother knows, I have to be tough, I have to man up.

I do believe that if we show people that it might not be a big deal, then maybe the stigma will start to change. I've yet to fall in love again but, when that happens and if the guy is neg, I will give him the facts and I will not make a huge deal out of it. If he bails then he wasn't right for me anyway.

And I say this with the utmost respect for everyone here who had serious health problems related to both HIV and medication.

I do believe that if we show people that it might not be a big deal, then maybe the stigma will start to change.

Not quite.

It's not that we need to show people it's "no big deal" because in many ways, hiv still is a big deal. A very big deal.

What we need to show people is that we are not monsters, sluts, bad people or whatever nasty ideas people have about us. We need to show them that we are just like them. The only difference is that we have a chronic viral illness. (Chronically terminal or terminally chronic?)

We still lead lives and we still have feelings. We love and we are loved. We have families and friends. We have jobs and hobbies. We like a night out. We like a night in watching movies.

WE ARE JUST LIKE THEM.

THAT is what we need to be showing people and that is how we will get rid of the stigma - NOT by downplaying what remains a serious, potentially life-threatening illness.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

It's not that we need to show people it's "no big deal" because in many ways, hiv still is a big deal. A very big deal.

What we need to show people is that we are not monsters, sluts, bad people or whatever nasty ideas people have about us. We need to show them that we are just like them. The only difference is that we have a chronic viral illness. (Chronically terminal or terminally chronic?)

We still lead lives and we still have feelings. We love and we are loved. We have families and friends. We have jobs and hobbies. We like a night out. We like a night in watching movies.

WE ARE JUST LIKE THEM.

THAT is what we need to be showing people and that is how we will get rid of the stigma - NOT by downplaying what remains a serious, potentially life-threatening illness.

Well maybe I am being naive then. I responded pretty well to the treatment so far and I don't know...my life, at least most aspects of it, have not really changed. I did not stop going out, drinking, kissing and having sex. Just seeing doctors and having blood tests more often.

Could it be denial then? Denial to think its not a big deal?

I guess I am downplaying it, who knows? Doesnt mean Im not taking it seriously. I take my meds everyday religiously and have no intention of stopping whatsoever.

But during the conversation with my mother I had to downplay it Ann. I can't go on saying "Yeah mom its still very deadly and very serious and my life will never be the same and I hate it" now can I?

I'm not really concerned of dying from it because I honestly do not think its going to happen, if things remain as they are. My biggest biggest biggest fear is not health-related...its my love life. Its being alone forever.

Thats my only true fear when it comes to HIV. And sorry if Im all over the place, this was a hard week and maybe Im a mess. This forum is very different from any other Ive been to, its such a tight community, I feel very much like an outcast here and it seems that everything I write its wrong.

I feel very much like an outcast here and it seems that everything I write its wrong.

I don't think everything you write is wrong. What I think, is that you are newly (or somewhat newly) diagnosed and you are running through a gammit of emotions.

I think it is common when you are newly dealing with this to jump on the "no big deal" band wagon. It happens quite a bit. Some of it is true sure, but then you start to notice that people can do everything right, they can take their meds every day and live like a saint, and then one day this disease wins.

As far as being afraid of being alone, thats a powerful emotion that can fuck with you. HIV does not have to isolate you. Try and move away from that kind of thinking.

The other thing is slow down, your posts have been all over the place. Part of your posts give the impression that you have it all figured out, another part makes me think you are going through a hard time right now.

, I feel very much like an outcast here and it seems that everything I write its wrong.

Hey Rockin , I have been poz 28 years and I still learn things from members of this forum on a regular basis . That's the beauty of this forum , we have science and life experience to share and I cant think of any that are an expert in all of the topics we delve into here .

I have a wealth of things I can share of value in some matters , in others , not so much by a long shot .

This forum is very different from any other Ive been to, its such a tight community, I feel very much like an outcast here and it seems that everything I write its wrong.

There's bound to be a divergence in views and opinions on just about any topic under the sun. And since people bring their personal experiences to the table the issues discussed here tend to evoke some pretty strong emotions. Don't think much of it.

Much better your mom and loved ones know sooner than later. As hard as it is, time will allow them to educated and be a support to you. It sounds like your mom is a true winner! She's there for you and obviously loves you regardless. Your trying not to add to her problems is admirable, but inevitably this is the best thing in my opinion for both of you. No secrets to hide, and you have someone who is blood you can honestly share all your feelings with and have that support.

My folks are gone, and they were the only ones that accepted my status. Take advantage of your mom's love and support now and be thankful.

You are NOT an outcast. You belong here as much as anyone else. These waters can be shark infested at times, however, there is a LOT of compassion here and, as I have said, a WEALTH of knowledge.

Often times, it's the sharks who have the best advice. Never discount the sharks.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Often times, it's the sharks who have the best advice. Never discount the sharks.

Like I said, navigate the waters carefully. Don't be shut out. I, personally, can glean plenty of information from this site without some of the attitude but hey, it is what it is. I know who I can PM with questions without subjecting myself to the occasional snarkiness.

That being said, there is a maturing that goes on here at Poz Forums and those new to the rodeo need not be discouraged from saying things and expressing themselves.

« Last Edit: July 04, 2012, 10:52:35 PM by drewm »

Logged

Diagnosed in May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

TRIUMEQ - VALTREX - FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE - PRAVASTATIN - CIALIS

Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

That being said, there is a maturing that goes on here at Poz Forums and those new to the rodeo need not be discouraged from saying things and expressing themselves.

Absolutely!

But things that are said which have no medical or scientific merit will, and should always be questioned and challenged. Surely you do not place nicety on a higher plane than validity?

I just don't understand why you feel the need to interject a warning along with your validation of these forums.

These forums exist largely because of the very people you seem to warn people against. They have garnered forces and staved off vicious and meticulous attacks from all over the world. They have been and continue to be the stewards, unseen and unsung, behind this site's very stability and continued existence.

Granted, you might not be aware of that. I myself am scarcely aware, but I know that this place needs the foundation of it's vocal, even irascible long term survivors to keep it afloat.

I am just perplexed that a person who mentions snarkiness and attitude seems to come back here with the same. It's not exactly endearing.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

That's why I believe its very important that we always remain brave under the most dire circumstances because if our family sees us crumble in any way theyll crumble even harder. We have to be brave and optimistic not only for for us but, most of all, for them.

Rockin,

You have no idea how strong your mother really is and worrying about our children is simply built into the parent model. In one respect, you are severely underestimating your mother, because she survived everything that ever happened to you, up to this day. While you may think you have to put on a brave face, parents often know better, so let her do what she does the best and that is to simply love you. You are not responsible for how she might feel and you have to remember that she's there beside you, because she wants to be.

Try to remember, she's also adjusting to your status and she expects there to be difficult days and she'll be there with you when they arrive. I just want to stress to you, that parents are incredibly resilient. It's admirable that you want to limit her pain, but at some point, you will need to stand back and let her control her own reactions.

This is so new to you both, so take it slow and try to stop talking in absolutes. Little in life is either black or white, it's all an infinite shade of grey. We each have our own ways of dealing with adversity and parents seem to have a special capacity for worrying about our children, it's what we do and it's also one of the most fulfilling things a parent can do.

I just told my Mom an hour ago. As expected she was a bit hysterical at first but calmed down after I educated her about everything I know. I'm very proud of myself because I didn't cry while she was crying when she said she wished she was the one who was sick. I just hugged her and stayed strong. I will have a cry later tonight when they're asleep. For now I need to show them that I'm OK, which I really am.

I just told my Mom an hour ago. As expected she was a bit hysterical at first but calmed down after I educated her about everything I know. I'm very proud of myself because I didn't cry while she was crying when she said she wished she was the one who was sick. I just hugged her and stayed strong. I will have a cry later tonight when they're asleep. For now I need to show them that I'm OK, which I really am.

Well done on telling to your mom. This disclosure will bring you closer and hold you in good stead.

PS- You may want to start a thread of your own on this topic. You'd get more personalized responses.

I do believe that if we show people that it might not be a big deal, then maybe the stigma will start to change.

The distinction between saying HIV is no big deal and hoping those words helps fights stigma is that admitting your HIV positive shouldn't be a bigger deal than discussing any other health condition . The fact is HIV is a big deal and playing this aspect of it down doesn't solve the stigma problem . Its rather like saying I have incurable cancer but its no big deal and expecting people to except it without thinking .

Trying to package a health condition in hopes you can control how somebody reacts to it is rather futile .

Hey Rockin , I have been poz 28 years and I still learn things from members of this forum on a regular basis . That's the beauty of this forum , we have science and life experience to share and I cant think of any that are an expert in all of the topics we delve into here .

I have a wealth of things I can share of value in some matters , in others , not so much by a long shot .

There's bound to be a divergence in views and opinions on just about any topic under the sun. And since people bring their personal experiences to the table the issues discussed here tend to evoke some pretty strong emotions. Don't think much of it.

Probably another one of the best posts in this thread!

Logged

Diagnosed in May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

TRIUMEQ - VALTREX - FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE - PRAVASTATIN - CIALIS

Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

The distinction between saying HIV is no big deal and hoping those words helps fights stigma is that admitting your HIV positive shouldn't be a bigger deal than discussing any other health condition . The fact is HIV is a big deal and playing this aspect of it down doesn't solve the stigma problem . Its rather like saying I have incurable cancer but its no big deal and expecting people to except it without thinking .

Trying to package a health condition in hopes you can control how somebody reacts to it is rather futile .

I just told my Mom an hour ago. As expected she was a bit hysterical at first but calmed down after I educated her about everything I know. I'm very proud of myself because I didn't cry while she was crying when she said she wished she was the one who was sick. I just hugged her and stayed strong. I will have a cry later tonight when they're asleep. For now I need to show them that I'm OK, which I really am.

I only cried when she said I did not deserve this and how brave I was. And that was it. I allowed myself a little self-pity, something which I usually refrain from.

Well Im not willing to start a new thread because, as mentioned earlier, Ive been all over the place so no.

I have no fear of dying. At all. Not from HIV...I do not fret over it while Im going to bed. Ive been responding pretty well, Im not suffering from any side effects, Im not suffering from depression, I do not have any other pre-existing condition, I found out at an early stage with a VL of 20.000 and Im UND after a year under treatment, no one in my family had cancer so far, I do not have diabetes, I do not have allergies, Im not suffering from any kidney or bowel problem...what else? Im not feeling tired all the time, like some people post here...I exercise, I try to eat right as much as possible...I socialize, I date, I have sex, I drink....

So...am I so wrong in trying to downplay the fucking thing sometimes? There are lots of worse things in the world, aren't there?

My stepfather also has to take meds everyday because he has a heart condition. Taking medicine everyday is not an exclusive downside for us pozzies.

Magic Johnson seems to be incredibly healthy at his age. Is it a delusion of mine to believe I might be able to grow old and be just like him?

But then....

When I meet someone I like...with whom I want to be in a relationship....should I scare the shit out of him? Should I downplay it? Thats my only concern, as I stated before. I know people here have many different opinions on this...if I like a guy and I feel like I can trust him, I will disclose it so that he can make his own choice of either bailing or staying.

But how should I go about this? Is there a proper way of doing this? Should I make a huge deal? That Im hanging in there, that I might die eventually from this? That I might have in the future all kinds of problems?

Thats my fear right there guys...thats the worse thing about this. Not the meds, not the doctors, not the blood tests...this. Some people here decided to only go for other poz for a relationship...well, its hard enough already and now Im gonna have to resort myself to a very limited group of individuals? What if I find the guy unattractive? Should I just stay with him just because Im not gonna do any better?

And when Im feeling really down and negative I wonder what kind of individual would accept a situation like this? Dating a poz guy? Maybe someone extremely needy? Someone with low self-esteem that would rather be with a poz guy than be alone? Sometimes I find it hard to believe that an attractive, confident, smart and nice guy would actually accept this situation, even with someone who's UND and healthy like I am now.

And sometimes I believe that yes, I can find a guy like that because there are all kinds of people in this world and who knows, I just might get lucky. I prefer to have faith and be positive like that but Im also not that naive.

Sorry for the long post, I just HAD to get this off my chest. And you sharks are welcome as well, bite away.

You can believe any fucking thing you want , just don't tell us that HAVE lost people to Aids in the last few years it isn't a big deal and expect respect for your insensitivity .

I'm get it , you are having a tough time excepting you are now poz and all the things that comes with it but I promise you putting lipstick on this pig of a disease ain't going to make you feel better in the long run . Do yourself a favor and get some counseling and stop trying to educate us that know better .

I know you don't want to hear this, but please just slow down and take some time to adjust. Every issue you mention is all a part of adjusting to being poz, even the feeling of being "damaged goods." Please listen to me closely. You are the same person today, that you were prior to being infected and THE ONLY change is that you are now poz. You are not damaged goods, unworthy of love or any of those horrors that you are tormenting yourself with now.

I empathize and I know how hard this can be, but you must give it some time. Your brain is on overload and if you want to get through this, you have to stop believing that everything you think is real. Yes there will be issues with you being poz, but I've been poz for 27 years, never had a problem dating and even had a negative partner for 4 years. My point remains that you are the same guy you have always been and right now, you are acting like your own worst enemy.

I understand the mental issues that becoming poz can entail and you will just have to trust me on this. You need some time to process your feelings and begin to identify what is real and what is not. Living with HIV does not have to be as hard as you imagine it to be and that's why I encourage you to use these forums to talk with us, because we can and will help you.

Personally, you sound like a pretty level-headed guy, who's now poz and isn't quite sure what to do. We've all been there and we don't have any easy answers. What we do have, however, is the combined experienced, empathy and compassion of our members who have lived for decades with HIV. We each have our role here and while we are a tight group, the only cost to enter is to ask. Please do not ever feel that you are an outcast or unwelcome here, because that will never be true.

If there is anything I can ever do to help you, please do not hesitate to ask.

You can believe any fucking thing you want , just don't tell us that HAVE lost people to Aids in the last few years it isn't a big deal and expect respect for your insensitivity .

I'm get it , you are having a tough time excepting you are now poz and all the things that comes with it but I promise you putting lipstick on this pig of a disease ain't going to make you feel better in the long run . Do yourself a favor and get some counseling and stop trying to educate us that know better .

Am I trying to educate someone? Did I say, in any way at all, that everyone SHOULD think or behave the way I am? Im just trying to give my own perspective on this.

I know you don't want to hear this, but please just slow down and take some time to adjust. Every issue you mention is all a part of adjusting to being poz, even the feeling of being "damaged goods." Please listen to me closely. You are the same person today, that you were prior to being infected and THE ONLY change is that you are now poz. You are not damaged goods, unworthy of love or any of those horrors that you are tormenting yourself with now.

I empathize and I know how hard this can be, but you must give it some time. Your brain is on overload and if you want to get through this, you have to stop believing that everything you think is real. Yes there will be issues with you being poz, but I've been poz for 27 years, never had a problem dating and even had a negative partner for 4 years. My point remains that you are the same guy you have always been and right now, you are acting like your own worst enemy.

I understand the mental issues that becoming poz can entail and you will just have to trust me on this. You need some time to process your feelings and begin to identify what is real and what is not. Living with HIV does not have to be as hard as you imagine it to be and that's why I encourage you to use these forums to talk with us, because we can and will help you.

Personally, you sound like a pretty level-headed guy, who's now poz and isn't quite sure what to do. We've all been there and we don't have any easy answers. What we do have, however, is the combined experienced, empathy and compassion of our members who have lived for decades with HIV. We each have our role here and while we are a tight group, the only cost to enter is to ask. Please do not ever feel that you are an outcast or unwelcome here, because that will never be true.

If there is anything I can ever do to help you, please do not hesitate to ask.

Joe

Thanks Joe, I appreciate it.

But it seems as though Im having the wrong attitude about this. That Im being naive. God, am I? Im being naive in thinking Im gonna be able to go about my life pretty much the way I always went?

Im already use to taking the meds...hell, I just had a VL CD4 test today and its fine. What about it? Should I fret now over health problems I MIGHT have?

But it seems as though Im having the wrong attitude about this. That Im being naive. God, am I? Im being naive in thinking Im gonna be able to go about my life pretty much the way I always went?

Im already use to taking the meds...hell, I just had a VL CD4 test today and its fine. What about it? Should I fret now over health problems I MIGHT have?

Hey Rockin,

I don't think you have the wrong attitude about your own adjustment, it's just there is confusion on your saying that, TO YOU, HIV is no big deal, as opposed to the truth regarding HIV. I fear some folks have confused your personal viewpoint, with the idea that HIV is no big deal. We all know that is not true, however, I fully support your right to view your adjustment how ever you see fit.

Sometimes, the lines blur between what is said, as often times certain phrases, can have multiple meanings. I don't think you ever meant to infer that HIV was no big deal. You were sharing your viewpoint, that in your mind right now, you have decided to view HIV as manageable regarding yourself.

I don't think you have the wrong attitude about your own adjustment, it's just there is confusion on your saying that, TO YOU, HIV is no big deal, as opposed to the truth regarding HIV. I fear some folks have confused your personal viewpoint, with the idea that HIV is no big deal. We all know that is not true, however, I fully support your right to view your adjustment how ever you see fit.

Sometimes, the lines blur between what is said, as often times certain phrases, can have multiple meanings. I don't think you ever meant to infer that HIV was no big deal. You were sharing your viewpoint, that in your mind right now, you have decided to view HIV as manageable regarding yourself.

Joe

And its funny that, because I say HIV to me, who have been positive for almost 2 years now and ALMOST DIED from pneumonia last year, doesn't seem like a big deal at the moment, health-wise, that everyone gets offended.

Its like saying that that movie "50/50" should have never been made because it might offend cancer survivors or people who lost someone to cancer.

And its funny that, because I say HIV to me, who have been positive for almost 2 years now and ALMOST DIED from pneumonia last year, doesn't seem like a big deal at the moment, health-wise, that everyone gets offended.

Its like saying that that movie "50/50" should have never been made because it might offend cancer survivors or people who lost someone to cancer.

Rockin,

I suggest you stop making generalizations regarding some of the posts, because then you become the offensive one. While I support you adjusting in your own way, I ask you to consider that we share these boards and each member is entitled to their own opinion, just not their own facts. I'm going to ask that you brush that "chip" off your shoulder and recognize that folks are responding to you, because they are trying to help you.

Believe me, there are those of us, who could tell you stories that would scare you straight. We have been where you are and all we are trying to do is to help. If you don't want that help, or are unable to accept that help, that's fine. I do insist however, that you treat all members with respect and just because someone disagrees with you, does not make them offensive. Trust me, there is already a million lifetimes of grief shared by the members here and the last thing we should be doing... is attacking each other.