Category Archives: Thankful

I am a Nerd. I am also a geek. And pretty Dorky. I know it. I accept it. I love it. I own it.

…AND The Calgary Comic Expo starts tomorrow!! So what better than a nerdy blog post to wind up!!

I obsess. I really obsess over some things. My newest and current big obsession is Dungeons and Dragons! How did I not play this years ago!! So much fun … Ok I will get into that in a minute. I obsess over some of the typical nerdy things, TV shows, games, movies, and occasionally some nerdy science related shit…Like π … who doesn’t fucking love Pi(e)!!! It is so functional and delicious. You can’t determine the size of your pie without Pi. I mean really 3.14159265359…what a beautiful number. We still have not found the end of Pi, I mean we are talking TRILLIONS of places and still no end in sight, it is astonishing really … Right, Obsessing. But there is some “Typical” nerdy shit that I don’t care for … for example, Not a huge Harry Potter Fan… *Cowers* don’t hurt me! The movies were ok and the books were good, but not obsess worthy to me. Star Treks … Love TNG and Enterprise and some of the movies ….but the original, DS9 and Voyager… not my cup of tea … oh Tea, I love tea. A nice cup of tea while reading is so delightful … off topic, oops. Comic Books. Don’t like em. Minecraft … Ulgh. I guess those are the big ones that have actually had people spew “You don’t like ‘that’! You are not a true nerd!”…Seriously. Judgemental fucks.

I don’t really consider myself a “gamer” … but I probably am. I mean I love games, but I am pretty picky I think. There are so many games (video and board) that I really can’t get into, just not my thing …those would mostly be war/shooting games typically. I like board games, but so few are 2 player (For me and my daughter to play…Finn is usually too fucking busy on his computer watching stupid Youtube videos … no no really…flat earth stupid). If I had to pick a fav board game … Nope, cannot pick just one. I am not a huge monopoly fan, BUT I own Princess Brideopoly! So that is a top of the list pick along with Dixit, Scattergories, Flipping Out and Supernatural Clue which was one of my favourite birthday gifts from my Kyia and my Finn. They know me so well. And adult time brings everyone’s new fav – Cards against Humanity. I love a couple of the old Atari games…Space Invaders and Yars Revenge!! My favs!! ♥ So much so that I bought a “new” Atari console with 101 games … just for those 2! I used to play Evony, and I miss Lord of Ultima so very much. I occasionally play the Wii that I spent a small fortune on when it first came out. When I do, it is usually Lego Star Wars or Zelda: Twilight Princess. I am “For the Horde” in World of Warcraft and always play a caster. I am no good with melee, and well…. MAGIC!!! My 2 mains (Favs) are a Troll Warlock and a Blood Elf Mage…I even played back when it was just Warcraft! D&D, my current obsession as I mentioned above needs a whole paragraph to itself …

D&D = LOVE!!!
Love playing, love watching, love learning, love buying, love making … fucking love it all!! Wizard. That is my thing. I am trying out all of the magical characters… but Wizard! I was only introduced to D&D in January …Seriously, 3-4 months ago!! How have I been deprived for so long!?! I quickly joined a (second) D&D group to play and may indulge in another for a weekly weeknight adventure. I bought books, modules, novels, miniatures, dice, more dice (I am now obsessed with Dice), I made a battlemat (it’s rough, but it works), I create characters like it is my fricking job, I even started DMing an adventure (thanks Matt Mercer, you are my inspiration for that one) … Not sure I like DMing though, but I fucking love playing!! I started looking on you tube for D&D how to’s, tips, and such… then I fell upon Heaven *Cue heavenly music*…Critical Role!!!! I saw Felecia Day on an episode of this D&D thing and seeing how I adore Felicia, The Grand Fucking Dutchess of Nerds, I thought I would give it a looksee ….OMFG! The best looking and most talented fucking group of nerds I have ever seen. Playing D&D. Online. Live. Weekly. And they are voice actors, so their role playing is fucking amazing! I am in awe with each episode. It is the Nerd soap opera I have been waiting for. I laugh, I cry, I sit on the edge of my seat, and occasionally I drool. (I have a huge ass crush on Matt Mercer, and a bit of a crush on Liam O’Brien, but they are all decent looking and uber nerdy!!). I mean come on… LOOK AT THEM!

What Nerd/Geek doesn’t have a long ass list of TV shows and movies that they obsess over … I don’t want to sit here for 1528 hours typing out all the shit I love … So just some of the, well…obsessions. PRINCESS BRIDE!!! Best fucking movie ever made. Ever. I could literally watch multiple times every day…or act it out if you prefer. AND Wallace Shawn will be at the Calgary Expo this year…So fucking excited!!! Oh you know I have my photo op booked! Inconceivable! OK what else …Labyrinth, Goonies, A Knight’s Tale, Boondock Saints, Percy Jackson movies, Wrath and Clash of the Titans, Monty Python and the holy Grail… and well, Monty Python, Immortals, Divergent Series, Willow, Evil Dead Trilogy, all the Lord of the rings, all of the Hobbits, all the marvel superhero movies!! …wait except the Amazing spiderman movies… I hated those 2, so very disappointing. But Thor, cum on now…drool and swoon. Serenity is another, and oh how could I forget the Star Wars’ and Star Treks …but not the original Star treks… ick, I guess that’s as good of a lead into TV shows as any… So many TV shows. I guess I better start with Star Trek … As I have mentioned before, TNG and Enterprise, that is it. Janeway’s (spelling?) voice makes me want to punch her in the face and gouge out my ears and DS9 is just meh. EASY! It’s just my opinion. No, I am not a full-fledged “Trekki” but I know (most of) the characters and do fucking love TNG, likely because I have a weird crush on Jean-Luc Picard and I LOVE Enterprise! I, like many women, obsess over supernatural and all of its hotness. My Favs… Charlie and Crowley. There is of course the show everyone is crazy over… No not Walking Dead! Have no interest in watching that one. Yeah yeah, “but it is so good!” “But Jeffery Dean Morgan is in it now” “But NORMAN REEDUS!!”but this and but that, but nothing. I don’t want to watch it. Whether it is because Zombie shows do not interest me, because the hype is too big or just that I have too fricking many shows that I am watching… just let it go. I meant that OTHER show that everyone is crazy about, Game of Thrones!! George R. R. Martin is one sadistic dude. It is fucking Awesome!! I also so fucking love Reign and the Tudors and pretty much anything medieval (ISH) you put in front of me…maybe that is why I fell so hard in love with D&D? There is also the IT crowd, Big Bang theory, Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow, X-files, Firefly, and my sad it is over, but even more sad that the ending SUCKED, guilty pleasure, Vampire Diaries. Also, Critical Role!!
Yes, I did have to throw that in there!!

I do love to read and wish I had more time to read even more….but comics, not my thing. Although I am not a “comic book nerd” I have loved Stan Lee from the moment I knew he was the creator of Spiderman!! At 5 years old, I was determined that I was going to marry Spiderman. Not Peter Parker. Spiderman. He is my man. I remember moving into a new apartment (I was 4 or 5 ish). My mother made sure the TV came in first. Stuck it on the floor, plopped me in front of it, put on an episode of Spiderman and I did not move…They were free to unload without having to worry about me… I was with my boyfriend. At last years Comic expo I finally got to meet the man who had been an idol (and obsession) to me for as long as I can remember. I got my pic taken with Stan Lee and his Autograph. I unfortunately missed his Panel due to an illness and a trip to the hospital. Also, my dream of meeting Stan Lee was not as exciting as I wanted/expected it to be, thanks to travelling around the expo with Mr. Cranky pants and Miss Sicky Girl (guess who is ditching those 2 this year… That’s right, this girl!!). It was devastating because he announced that this would be his last visit to Canada … and my experience was less than par … don’t get me wrong, still the most exciting moments of my fucking life… but not what they should have been. Well when the Expo sent out the email a couple weeks ago, stating that Mr. Stan Fucking Lee was coming back, I cried. I literally cried like a little fucking baby. The tears of joy poured from my lacrimal glands. But guess what. I am going alone this time bitches!! Photo and autograph is all for me!!! (Neither of them really care, but I am going to try to rub it in anyway) …I need a new Spidey Shirt…

Yay! A new spidey shirt … I may have a problem with Nerdy T-shirts. The problem is that they cost money (Which I don’t have much of) and I want them ALL!! Teefury, Teevillian and shirtpunch are my vice. I have ordered so many shirts from their daily tees … it is just scary. Mash-up shirts are just …I just … well they are kind of … I cannot even explain the deep emotion that overwhelms my when I see a mash-up shirt of 2 things I love. I am getting teary eyed thinking about it.

I have a thing for Nerds too. I mean not gross nerds…If you are a big disgusting slob, living in your mother’s basement, haven’t showered in weeks and have week old pizza sauce stuck in the beard that has grown over the weeks of not moving from your computer chair and when you do finally get up you have to literally peel yourself from the chair …well you are not my type…and I don’t even have a type. But the likes of Matthew Mercer, Nathan Fillion, Jon Bon Jovi, Liam O’Brien, Vin Diesel, Johnny Galecki, and my daughter’s science teacher Mr. L, well they sure get my juices flowing…I may even have a small secret crush on Wil Wheaton… shhhhh. Oh and we can’t leave out Hugh Jackman and his handsome good looks that go lovely with his superior intelligence … I know, I know “down girl, go take a cold shower”. I can’t help it, intelligence and nerdiness just do it for me…especially if they are good looking too!! But don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to be “known” for your brains to be attractive, I am sure Jason Statham is very smart…. But who the fuck cares! My God that man oozes manliness… and that body … and Jesus, the things I would do to him … ok. Cold shower, Be right back…

OK Time to move away from the cute boys topic…Maybe I should get into my inspiration for writing this blog … Calgary Comic Expo – Every Fucking Year….Well since I moved out this way anyway. I spend way too much money to meet, get Autographs and/or photo ops with all my fan-girl favs!! Last year there were 2 biggies! Of course the legend that is Stan Lee and JOHN FUCKING BARROWMAN!! I was ecstatic! This year is going to be just as amazing…if not more so! Stan again, Wallace Shawn, Peter Capaldi, Nathan Fillion, and Ruth Connell to name just a few! Plus I ALWAYS look forward to the vendors … they are pricy… but I don’t care!! NERD MERCH!! Last year I found an amazing vendor who made teeny tiny origami jewelry!! I am on the hunt this year for some cool D&D stuff…of course as well as all my other favourite fan-girl merch and some Birthday and Christmas gifts for my Nerdy-ass friends and family!! My excitement cannot be contained! Eeeeek … time to go start getting my shit together and ass ready. Excited!!! How jealous are you?!? :p

Two nights ago, Kyia and I had a huge ass daughter hates mother, mother thinks daughter is a disrespectful and ungrateful brat fight that lasted about 6 hours (well 3-4 hours of it was calmer and involved talking and discussing and compromising). We both said some hurtful things. I fucked up by bringing her deadbeat fathers name into it. 13 years of keeping my insults and hatred towards him to a minimum (in front of her) and mostly hidden came flying out. I may have slipped up and spewed about his abuse … she never knew. I always just say “we just didn’t get along” when she has asked about why we broke up or are not together. I hate myself for that (the fuck up, not the break up). I didn’t give a lot of details, but I said more than enough, more than I ever should have. She did not EVER need to know about the abuses I encountered at the “hands” of her father. I am so sorry for this. I know it did not help at all. I know. In fact there is a chance I made things worse. As a child who had a mother who spewed insults and hatred about her father, I know the resentment I feel towards it.

Back on track. During this fight Kyia glared at me with what looked like hatred in her eyes and said in her nasty hateful tone, “What exactly do you ever do for me?” First, I laughed. Really Child? Someday you will be a parent and you will know that the things a mother does for her child are unlimited. The short answer to that question is “literally everything!” The long answer is much more detailed and complex. This is what I want to talk about today.

What have I done/ do I do for my daughter?

Well, there are the obvious things such as, I put a roof over her head, food in her belly and clothes on her back. I give her all the necessities of life. But let’s dig deeper and be clearer. I am not going to point out “everything” I do, I don’t have the time or space for that, there is just too much. I am going with what I think is important right now. Kyia, my answer to your question (FYI, before you get all high and mighty and self-righteous, this is the answer that she won’t be actually getting …at least not the “your father is an abhorrent dick ones).

I left your father for you. He was a violent alcoholic, a liar and a cheater. He was possessive and controlling. He was an abusive scumbag. He was mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive. He was on his way to being physically abusive, it was only a matter of time. I had my bags packed and was making plans to leave when I found out I was pregnant. Being raised without a father, I decided to stay a bit longer to try and work things out. I hoped that the idea of being a father would make him a better person…it works this way with most people… not with him. He did not get better, he actually started to get worse. So after about 3 months, to protect you from his abuse, I left. I moved across Canada to be surrounded by loved ones. You gave me the strength to protect you. I left him for you.

I endured pregnancy and child birth for you. When discovering my pregnancy I cried for 3 days straight. Literally. Barely slept, barely ate. Could not stop crying. There were two reasons for this sniveling sob-fest. The first being the father. I would be stuck with this vile douche bucket for the rest of my life if I had a baby! The second, I did NOT want children. Ever. I considered my options, all of them. It took me 3 days to realize, yup, I want this child. I fell in love with you. My love for you outshined my hatred for your father and my annoyance with other people’s children. I wanted to love you, raise you and protect you. I then spent the next 8 months suffering cramps daily, nausea constantly, dizziness, pregnancy brain and extra stress. I did not have an easy pregnancy. I did not have the worst pregnancy, but it was not easy. I was not the glowing mom-to-be as a lot of pregnant women are. I was sick every fucking day. I was in pain, every fucking day. I suffered, every fucking day. I spent 36 hours in labour. During your birth I ripped. I ripped 13 stitches worth of ripping. I ended up with a UTI AND an infected tear down there. My Vagina felt like it was on fire for 6 weeks! It did not want to heal. I endured pregnancy and child birth for you.

I protect you. I protect you from your father. If he had his way when you were an infant, he would have taken you only to show off to some chick while they were getting drunk and high while you slept, likely on a bed in which you could fall off. I made the rule that he could only “take” you IF he was with suitable supervision, His father and his father’s wife (ex now) mostly. I knew your grandfather would keep you safe. I allowed you to go there anytime they wanted you. But only if your grandfather was there. I protect you from yourself. You do some stupid things. If I let you do every little thing you “wanted” to do, spur of the moment, you would be in a casket in no time. I will not be having that. I don’t allow you to touch the fire, I do not allow you to run in front of cars, I do not allow you to jump off bridges. I do these things, not to be mean and hurt you, but to protect you. I protect you from others. I talk to you about strangers and the dangers they could impose. I teach you that when you are in trouble (or even think you are) to get help from a trusted adult (mom, police, teacher etc.). I protect you from as much as I can without putting you in bubble wrap … or at least not too much bubble wrap. I protect you.

I fight for you. I fight you. I fight your dad. I fight my anxiety. I fight myself. I do not like to fight. When we fight, it is usually because I am trying to have you behave in a more respectful manner. I do not want you to grow up to be hated by people because you are a disrespectful, hateful spoiled brat. I want you to learn that you need to treat others as you want to be treated and if you are mean, there will be repercussions. When I fight with you, I am fighting for you. I fight with your dad for you. I fight my depression and anxiety every minute of every day. It pains me to be such a worrier. It pains me that I just want to stay in bed all day. It pains me that I have no motivation. It pains me that I have no strength. But for you I fight it all. I force myself out of bed. I force myself to let you out of my sight despite the scariest imaginable thoughts racing through my head about the worst case scenarios that could happen to you. I force some fake motivation so that we can do things such as road trips or Day trips to the zoo or even a quick visit to the mall. I force the strength to be your mom. I could easily just lay in bed and let you do whatever you please, but what kind of person would you be? I need the strength to tell you no and to hold you accountable for your actions. It is a daily battle. I fight daily for you.

I take blame for you. How many times did I tell your father that you “weren’t allowed to go” when in reality you did not want to go, so he would be angry with me and not you. How many times have I told you to blame me if you need to hang up on him, to tell him I took the phone and hung up. When you wanted to leave Bree’s house, during our visit home, because “she is mean”, I said it was me who didn’t want to stay there (although that was true as well, we left because YOU did not want to stay). I take the blame when you will be the one hurt otherwise. If someone will retaliate and be angry with you, I take blame for you.

I went to school for you. I would have been content working at menial jobs for a long time and likely never would have had the ambition to further my education. But having a baby changed that. Your life is too precious to me to raise you on “welfare” or in poverty. I needed an actual education in order to support you and give you the life I never had, to give you the life you deserve. I spent 6 years struggling every day, trying to find a balance of school and home. I studied, I fought, I cried, I begged, I pleaded, I tried, I passed and I failed. It was the most difficult 6 years of my life. I went back to school for you.

I moved across Canada (again) for you. I needed a job. The whole theory of going back to school in order to get a better job to support you was destroyed in NB. Despite my graduating a very good course, work in NB is scarce. The only way I could succeed was to move where the jobs were. So we moved. I didn’t really want to, deep down, but we did. I moved for you.

I stay for you. I want to go home. I want to be near my family, friends and the support they offer. Since we moved away there have been a lot of opportunities that have opened up in the Maritimes. I want to go home. I actually don’t like it here much. I have met some nice people, made a new friend or 2, but it just isn’t working for me. But I know deep down that you are happy here. You have friends. You have more opportunity here. So, I stay for you.

I went to court for you. Your repugnant deadbeat father decided he would refuse to sign a letter allowing me to take you into the states. Not because he thought we would stay there, but just because he is a dick and would do anything to hurt me and piss me off. He told you he would send a letter so we could go to the Seattle zoo, he told me to fuck off. He refused to send one allowing me to take you to Disneyland during the only time we were financially able to do so. So I spent hours talking to councillors, I spent weeks researching, I spent days filling out paper work and I spent hundreds of dollars so I could get “legal” full custody with the travel clause (Meaning I do not need his permission to leave the country with you). I went to court for you.

I taught you and I teach you. You knew your alphabet and numbers and how to write them and your name by the time you were 3, you didn’t learn that on your own. I helped you learn how to walk. I taught you not to touch the stove (without shoving your hand on the burner like parents did in the “old days”, yikes). I am teaching you to cook. I taught you cursive. I am teaching you multiplication. I am teaching you how to memorize. I taught you to be kind. I taught you to be thoughtful. I taught you to be respectful. I taught you these things by doing them myself. When we went out at Christmas time with our little candy packs, I taught you to be giving. When I give you a toonie to give to the busker, I am teaching you to be caring (and kind and giving and empathetic and an array of other characteristics). When I told you we do not give money to people unless they are doing something (people on the street “bumming” money vs the guy with the guitar playing a song or the homeless guy trying to sing), I am teaching you that you need to work for or earn what you want. When I tell you why I am putting on my blinker, I am teaching you to drive. When I scold you for interrupting me when I am talking, I am teaching you patience and to not be rude. When I say no, I am teaching you that life will not always give you what you want. When I lecture you for being rude, I am teaching you to be respectful. By not giving you everything you ask for, I am teaching you to be grateful. When I punish you for misbehaving, I am teaching you that there are consequences. When I hug you when you are sad, hurt or crying, I am teaching you compassion. When I make your breakfast, hug you, drive you to your friends, read to you, laugh with you and do any little thing for you, I am teaching you love. I teach you.

I punish and discipline you. You think punishment is a bad thing, but it is not. I don’t beat you or abuse you. I try to punish you to fit the “crime”. You fall behind on school work because you are too busy snapchatting friends, you lose your phone. You room is a mess after being told to clean it every day for a week, no sleepovers this weekend. Punishing you teaches you. I scold you, I lecture you and I ground you. It teaches you that you cannot do “whatever you want” It teaches you there are consequences to your actions (or lack thereof), it teaches you to not slack off and to not be an asshole. I discipline you.

I nurture, comfort and care for you. I care for you and attend to all of your needs. I promote your growth through love, discipline and hard work. When you are sick, I go to the store and get you apple juice, ice cream and chicken noodle soup. I get you blankets and serve you. I take your temperature and help you to feel more comfortable. I bring you to the doctor and hospital if necessary. When you are sad, angry or upset, I am the one sitting by your side holding you as you cry. I am the one reminding you that I am here for you and everything will be ok. I am the one who nurtures, comforts and cares for you.

I am your maid and I cook for you. I pick up after you constantly. Sure, lately I have started making you do it, but that is because you have started doing nothing. You have become lazy and began taking advantage of my “spoiling you” (for lack of a better term). But I still pick up after you a lot. I make your breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Yes there are occasional exceptions where I may say “screw it, I am not cooking” and make everyone reheat leftovers or chomp on “snacky” stuff. There are also occasions where we eat out at a restaurant. For the most part, I cook or make all of your meals. I bake often providing you with a healthier and tastier alternative to all the junk cookies we could buy in the store. I do 90% of the chores so that you have more time for you, your studying and your friends. I cook so you eat and I clean so you do not live in filth. I clean and I cook for you.

I attend for you. Every play you act(ed) in. Every music concert you play(ed) in. Every music lesson you attend(ed). Every parent teacher meeting. Every sporting event you participate in. Every Tuesday and Thursday for Tae Kwon Do practice for 2 years. Every birthday party you have. Every hospital visit. Every playdate you enjoy. Every drop off or pick up you need. I attend all of your functions, for you.

I miss work for you. If you are sick or have a play, I miss work. I will call in “sick” to stay home and help you. I will call in sick just to have a mommy/daughter day (but only once a year…I have to keep my job, when I have one, for you too!). I will stay home to attend events and functions. But if “I” am sick, I will usually go to work. If there is a function that I want to attend, I will still go to work. I stay home from work for you.

I fuck up. I am not perfect. I try my hardest and do everything I can to mould you into a caring, kind, intelligent, loving, thoughtful young woman. I do everything I can to help you learn about and understand life. I attempt over and over to teach you lessons to survive on this god-awful planet. But I mess up. Just the other night, divulging you fathers abuse towards me, that was a fuck up. Just like when I let my emotions get the better of me and I over react. Just like when I lose my temper over “not good enough” school work. I am human and I fuck up.

I am your mom for you! I kill spiders and bugs. I open jars. I forgive. I listen. I take you shopping. I get you a drink. I fix things that won’t work (or at least I try to). I tell you stories. I find your lost things. I let you stay up late on weekends. I make sure you get to school. We go to the zoo. I feed you. I clothe you. I give you privacy. I am here. I will never leave. I bought you a bed. I clean up your vomit when you are sick. I do your laundry. I buy groceries. I make your doctor appointments. I bring you to those doctor appointments. I tuck you in. I kiss you goodnight. I walk you to the door. I changed your diapers. I stayed awake all night to keep an eye on you. I’ve bathed you. I’ve washed you. I carried you. I hug you. I play board games with you. I picked your nose. I taught you to ride a bicycle. I wake up early. I took you fishing. I held your hand. I bring you camping. I rub your head til you fall back to sleep. I remind you to brush your teeth. I potty trained you. I let you sleep in my bed when you are scared or lonely. I support you. I give you rules. I give you boundaries. I keep your secrets. I listen to you when you have pretty drama filled issues with your friends. I give you advice. I take you on vacations. I joined snapchat. I let you have snapchat. I cancel my plans to accommodate you. I go without. I save your work. I brush your hair. I pay for your entertainment. I take you to movies. I push you to be the best you can be. I breathe. There are a billion more things I could list, but the most important thing I do for you, I love you. Unconditionally.

It is daunting at times, but there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. So, the next time you look at me with hatred and want to know what the fuck I do for you…

While you are praying (If praying is what you do) for Paris keep in mind that while the attacks on Paris are devastating, they are not the only ones to be attacked, Please also pray for Beirut and Baghdad. While you are at it, pray for all of the war torn countries because not everyone in Syria or Afghanistan is evil. MOST of them are innocent people trying to get away from the evil, death and corruption. OR even better start actually doing something!! Praying doesn’t do much good by itself (or at all?). DO something. Find a charity or cause you support and donate your time and/or money! I do! At the bottom of this post you will find a list of “some” “charities” you can donate to.

Baghdad. At a Funeral. Some douche bag cowardly piece of shit suicide bomber killed people attending a funeral. While family and friends mourned a loved one, a scum-bag showed up with a bomb strapped to his chest and blew up a fucking funeral killing at least 17 and injuring dozens. Seriously. Disgraceful. Attacks in Baghdad happen almost daily murdering tons of innocent civilians. Pray for them. Keep the people of Baghdad in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Beirut. Double attack. (At least) 4 sick and twisted fucktards massacred dozens and wounded hundreds in an act of terrorism. These scum of the earth bastards purposely attacked in an area filled with families and innocent people. I hope there is a hell and I hope they suffer greatly for their evil ways. Keep the people of Beirut in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Paris. Multiple locations. Low-life scum-suckers slaughtered innocent lives in at least 6 locations in Paris. A concert. A soccer game. Bars. Restaurant. None of these (at least) 120 people deserved to lose their lives. None of these hundreds of injured deserved to be hurt. Only the Idiotic Morons behind these massacres deserve this pain, agony and death (actually, death is too good for them). Keep the people of Paris in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Syria. over 4 years of war. Killing each other and innocent citizens who happen to be in the cross-fire. No wonder they are trying to escape. over 250,000 butchered and more every day. Keep the people of Syria in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Afghanistan. Always at war. Innocent Afghanistan citizens die every day (although at this point one might wonder if there are in fact any innocents left after so very many years) in this war-torn country. Keep the people of Afghanistan in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

These are just some of the attacks going on in some of the countries. Keep the people of the world in your hearts and prayers. Stand by all innocent lives.

Points to ponder:

Terrorism is Evil. Terrorists are nothing more than power hungry cowards. They are the lowest scum of the earth (right “down” there with paedophiles). Disgusting, useless pieces of shit.

They are trying to break our souls, don’t let them. Never be afraid of a coward!

Stand strong not afraid. The Terrorist feed on your fear. They believe fear is weakness and strike when you are weak. So stand strong and fight with your strength.

Do not let fear and lies make your decisions. Don’t give in to the fear propaganda.

Muslims are NOT the enemy. There are 1.6 BILLION Muslims on our planet, If they were all evil, there is not much we could do about it… just sayin. A very small percentage that are “Extremists”, they are the “Evil” ones … but you know what … EVERY religion and nationality and race has a small percentage of evil fucks. So stop being a racist asshole.

Terrorism has no Religion. These shits use religion as an excuse to wage war. It is bull shit. I do not care what religion you are, your “god” neither wants nor condones war. War is created by the greedy, power hungry governments. Period. End of story.

Justin Trudeau is NOT the enemy. Stop blaming the fucking attacks in Paris on JT. For Christ sake he is the PM of CANADA NOT FRANCE (nor the U.S. if you believe the US government (or the “elite families”)is behind it all, some do, some don’t)! Get over yourself. He had nothing to do with these or any attacks! Put your big girl panties on and stop crying because “your” choice for PM got booted the fuck out of office. Give JT the chance he deserves. I am NOT a “liberal supporter” but I am decent enough to give the man a chance before condemning him to “Bad PM” status. Now, Shut your traps until there is actually something to bitch about. Until then … Watch this. (Sorry, I love that video, He seems to be so much fun … and a nerd too!! I truly hope he is the leader we need).

Refugees are innocent people running away from the terrorists in their own war-torn country. Trudeau is making an attempt to help and save (some of) these innocent people. The ONLY things you are saying by sharing scare-tactic posts (and your derogatory comments towards the refugees (and Muslims and and Trudeau)) is that you are ignorant to what is actually going on, that you too are inducing unnecessary fear, you are easily falsely led by strategic propaganda or internet memes and you are racist, hateful and ignorant. I would also like to add, that although I feel deeply for the innocent lives that are being lost, I truly do believe that we should save our own lives as well. We have homeless, veterans and poverty stricken lives right here in Canada that need assistance too! I am not saying that we should not help the refugees, I am saying that we need to look after us TOO!! TOO, meaning also or as well. Canada “should” be a kind enough country that we can help both our own AND some refugees. We have before. But here is the problem… You big mouth pieces of shit who are wanting to condemn the refugees to death because you think we should “help our own” are most likely hypocritical trash. Seriously… What are YOU doing to help your own? If all you “mouths” got off your greedy selfish asses and donated time and money to OUR homeless and poverty stricken, we wouldn’t have many left!! I think we should help as many refugees as we can. I think we should help some by bringing them to Canada and I think we should help the ones we are unable to bring here in whatever way we can. Their home is in shambles and war surrounds them. They need a safer place to go.

I have some “friends” (I use the term friend loosely to mean people I have on my social media account) who have posted a link to an article posted a year ago. This particular article is being re-circulated to coincide with the current attacks in Paris, Beirut, and Baghdad. It is being re-circulated simply to induce fear into Canadians as the headline states, “ISIS leader threatens Canada, says it will fight to the last man in audio recording”. There are multiple people re-posting this today, too blinded by the horrific events that have happened to see past the fear and hate. I am betting that most of the folks posting only read the headline and have no idea what the article actually says and no idea that it is actually an article from a year ago. READ MORE THAN THE HEADLINE!!

I guess to sum up:

The innocent victims of war and tragedy are in my heart everyday.
People of the world need to Stand united and strong against ALL terrorists.
Fear is what the “terrorists” want.
Racism is as evil as terrorism.
Passing judgement without just cause makes you the asshole.

Donate or volunteer you time. Do your research and choose the one that is right for you. Choose the one that gives the most of their money and time directly to the cause.

Thanksgiving Day in Canada is today, October 12, 2015.

Turkey day, as some like to call it (including myself, facetiously, on occasion), Is celebrated mostly in North America. Canada, the USA, Grenada, Saint Lucia and Puerto Rico all celebrate Thanksgiving as do Liberia and Norfolk Island. Thanksgiving is celebrated on different days in each place, but I am Canadian and as such, today is my Thanksgiving Day.

To some Thanksgiving day is a religious event. A day to pray to their lord and saviour (or whatever deity they choose to worship) and give extra thanks for all that you have. To some Thanksgiving is all about the food, giving thanks for the years harvest being the main “thanks” and then pigging out on the spread of the year (although there are some who only see thanksgiving day as a feast for the day and a paid day off work). For the most part, no matter what way you look at it, the day is about giving thanks.

In today’s day and age, people (NOTE: When I say people, I am generalizing and do not mean ALL people. I mean some people) seem to take for granted the things they have. People seem to think that they are “owed” what they have and more. People seem to think that they don’t have to work for what they want. Today’s world seems to be filled with greedy, selfish, money/power hungry, self-centred ungrateful humans. It makes me sick. So to avoid being one of these people I am always thankful for what I have and I am always appreciative for what receive. I may not always say it, and I may not always show it, but I am, deep down, grateful for everything and everyone in my life, everyday.

Thanksgiving Day to me.

To me, Thanksgiving is about giving thanks where thanks are due. Thanksgiving is about being thankful and digging deep into your conscience to find all that you are truly thankful for, no matter how vast or minuscule.I am grateful for the goods and the bads. I appreciate the ups and the downs. I am thankful for the friends and the enemies. I am grateful for the happys and the sads. I am appreciative of the loves and the hates. I am thankful for the pleasures and the pains All of these things mould me. They have sculpted me into the woman I have become. Every new moment; good, bad, love filled or crowded with hate, provides room for more growth to my identity. Every delight revises my soul. Every heartache modifies my being. Every comfort adds to my essence. Every despair transforms my spirit. Every moment changes me. And for each of these instances, I am ever thankful.

Some specific things I am personally thankful for (Note the following is a tiny minuscule percentage of all that I am thankful for)

I am thankful for Coffee.

I am thankful for My daughter. Kyia is the love of my life. Without her presence in my life, my life might be meaningless (I know, no life is actually meaningless, but I was at a pretty low point in my life when I discovered my pregnancy). Her birth brought light to my dark world, happiness to my depression. She is the reason I strive for better. She is the cause of my joy. She is the calm of my storm. She is perfection.

I am thankful for “The Princess Bride”.

I am thankful for my Best friend, Declan, He is always there, for over 20 years he has been the brother I never had. He drove me anywhere I needed to go… until …He helped me find my first vehicle and taught me to drive. He payed for (most of, if not all) the tools I needed for school because I could not afford it and my scholarships would not cover them. He usually listens to me vent (or maybe not so much listen, but he just let’s me vent). He has been the only positive male figure in Kyia’s life from the day of her birth. He would do just about anything for my little girl. He is kind. He is thoughtful. He is smart. He is a nerdy Trekkie and He is my best friend.

I am thankful for knowledge.

I am thankful for Viona. For over 30 years this woman has been my shoulder. She is always there when I need to pour out my heart and soul. She is the only person who has seen me at my best, my worst, my happiest and my saddest. She is the only person I willingly let see me cry and breakdown. She is always that ear that listens. She tells me shit straight. If she thinks I am being an idiot, she will tell me. There is no-one on this earth (not “blood” related, such as Kyia or Nanny) that I love more. She has a heart of gold. She is a wonderful mother. She is forgiving. She is helpful. She is my sister by choice and she is the best sister anyone could ask for.

I am thankful for stress.

I am thankful for my job. Although most of the time I very much dislike my place of employment or at lease some of the “higher -ups” and co-workers, I am thankful that I have a job. I am thankful that the majority of the people with-in the company that I do actually like are located in my local office whereas the ones I do not much care for are NOT located in my office. I am thankful that I have a Monday-Friday job that allows me to go home to Kyia each and every day. I am thankful I have a job that provides me with an income that is enough to support myself and Kyia and not have to rely on others (much) for assistance. I am thankful for (some of) my co-workers who I do enjoy talking to.

I am thankful for long weekends.

I am thankful for Sean. Yes you read that correctly. Without him I would not have conceived Kyia. Without him, Kyia and I would not have the strong bond that we have. His neglect and abuse resulted in mine and Kyia’s bond being unbreakable (I say before the teenage years approach … will I still say this in 2-8 years haha). So yes, I am even thankful for Sean.

I am thankful for sleep.

I am thankful for Finn. They say one finds love when one is not looking. Well I definitely was not looking when I met Finn. We worked for the same company (away from home). My first impression was … yeah right douche, you’re cute, but you likely have a wife and kids back home. I was wrong. Thankfully. When he did finally have me convinced he was in fact single, it was still a difficult situation as we lived thousands of miles apart. But thankfully, fate (if you believe in that sort of thing) brought us together. He is Handsome. He is Kind. He is Honest. He is Loyal. He is an Uber nerd and I love him.

I am thankful for restaurants.

I am thankful for Bree. There is a lot of history with my sister. (Bree’s story is a whole other post… or series of posts) We used to be very close. Despite the fact that I very much dislike her now as a person, I still love her. She has done a lot for me and I for her. I miss her most days. I miss that we used to be best friends. I miss that we used to trust one another. I am thankful that she was a part of my life and hopeful that she will be again.

I am thankful for long hot baths

I am thankful for Social Media. I know, I know. I too have the typical love-hate relationship with facebook (I will use the term facebook to mean all social media). I hate the drama and the bullshit posts from some friends (I use the term friend loosely to mean all friends on facebook, family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or just people I know/knew). I hate the times I look at a friends post and think to myself “are you really that stupid”. I hate the times I look at my own posts and think “are you really that stupid”. Most days I just want to shut it all down, delete my profile and abandon everyone just to alleviate the annoyance that some induce. YES, I would not know what most of my friends ate last night, or that they have a cold again, or that they are flipping mad at the world and need to vent on facebook daily, or that “Oh my Gawd, You are dumb as a rock, how am I friends with you!” or whatever else may be annoying to me that day … But without facebook I would not be able to keep in contact with most friends. I would not see the pictures of my friend’s trip to Montreal. I would not be able to chat with my friend in NB who has no phone. I would not see the pictures of my friend in NS’s baby growing into a toddler and eventually a teenager. I would not be able to offer condolences when a friend on the other side of the country’s loved one passes away. I would not be able to re-connect with “old” friends that I have not seen in years. I would have no idea that I have many photographer friends who all take amazing and beautiful pictures. I would never know that my friend in NB got married last week. I would not know that many of my friends are in similar situations as myself and/or as each other. I would not know that my friend in BC’s child’s birthday is today. I would not know that my friend has been to more concerts than I could ever imagine. I would not know that my friends are doing ok. I would have no one sharing new recipes, fun quotes, silly jokes or those cute animal videos. And, I would not be able to share my life with them. So, I am thankful for facebook and I am thankful for those who I call “friend”.

I am thankful for orchids.

I am thankful for books. How can anyone not love books. I could read and read and read… wait…lately it has been listen and listen and listen, oh the sweet sound of audio books. Whether you prefer to pick up a physical book and turn the paper pages (if you have time for that sort of thing) or you like the Kindle app glowing at your touch or you like the soothing sound of someone else reading to you, books are amazing. Should I be thankful for books or authors here? BOTH! I am thankful for books. I am thankful for the authors. I am thankful that I can read.

I am thankful for music.

I could go on and on and on and on and on and on (you get the picture) about the things I am thankful for big and small, but seeing how I would like to post this today and not in 143 years (that is my guess as to how long it would (consecutively) take to type out all I am thankful for…Yes, that much), I will end it here.