I write about my husband, who also is my Master and about our relationship, in which I am his slavegirl. We practise DD and have learned that it helps us a lot. Apart from that, you'll find my opinions on everything, like sex, sessions, music, people, more on relationships, sorrows, hopes and whatever else I want to write about.
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Adult content warning!

This blog includes texts which are not suitable for minors. So, if you are under the age of 18 or if my entries might offend you, please leave immediately.

Now!

Shoo! Shoo!

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

When Sue woke up
the next morning, she needed a moment to remember where she actually was. As
she sat up in the cozy hotel room bed, she smelled strong, black coffee. Martin
sat on the bed’s corner, switching off the tv-set. He smiled at her, “Good
morning my love. What about some coffee?” He held his cup close to her nose and
she followed every move he made with the deliciously steaming cup until she
finally laid hands on it. After her first sip her memories returned, and the
unpleasant pain in her bottom. ’I have been such a stupid cow. Matching colours
are overrated!’ It all returned, her failures, the disappointment she had
caused, and how stupid she had been. But she also felt a certain kind of peace,
because she had been made accountable for her stupid mistake. In the back of
her mind she relived last night’s punishment, every single stroke of it, and
also the sweet caress that followed. She had made amends, more was not possible
for her, and she knew it.

Sue thought
about her two friends and hoped they were ok. “Martin, thank you for last
night. I understand how silly I have been. But I’d like to call my friends to
see if they are all right.” Martin looked a moment too long at her, which Sue
found queer. “Sue, they are ok. It is early
and they’ll be asleep. Instead of worrying about them now, you should rather
get dressed and have a quick breakfast before we leave.” She nodded. He was
right, it was only six am. ‘Why was he up that early anyway? Why did he wear
yesterday’s clothes? He must have had a bad night.’ Sue felt a sort of tense restlessness
around Martin this morning, and her wondering whether she had perceived that
correctly, let her forget to ask about his night. She considered her options.
Shower, breakfast, airport, London. “Yes, ok, I’ll be quick. I can’t wait to go
back to London. I haven’t been there for ages.”

She stood up,
naked as she had been when she went to bed. She quickly grabbed a hair ribbon
and tied her hair together in a lose bun. Absorbed by her morning routine, she
did not even notice that she was enchanting him with her naked, delicate skin,
and that Martin’s gaze followed her, scrutinizing her from head to toe and
stopping at her bottom as she turned to the bathroom. Her buttocks were still
rather bruised. ‘What a cute reminder. I’ll enjoy watching her bum even more
for the next days, until the bruises vanish again’, Martin mused as he followed
her every movement with his eyes. He had been hard on her and hopefully she had
learned that lesson. There would still be lots of trouble ahead until they
disappeared forever. Sue had no idea yet. If the others found her, they’d have
him as well, because he would not let them harm her. His face became fierce and
animal-like as he thought about the others.

… And he brushed
his thoughts away, because Sue’s bruised bottom, her slender, feminine shape, her
gorgeous breasts and the gaiety of her steps worked their magic on him. “Nice
bruises, nice bottom. If we had no boat to reach, I’d not let you out of here
until you cried for mercy and for more at the same time.” He grinned at her as
she paraded along the bed. Teasingly, she let her hip swing once more, before
she disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door. An instant later, she
opened it again and viewed him with round, innocent but questioning eyes “What
do you mean, ‘a boat’? I thought we’d go by plane and we had some time left?”
Martin shook his head “Change of plans. The flight is cancelled and we go by
boat. You’ll love it, it’s a fisherman’s boat, and he is a really nice guy. We
can trust him. It will take a little longer to get to London, but it will be
worth it.” He breathed in deeply, as if he was inhaling cigarette smoke. ‘And
it will be safer’ he thought. Satisfied, Sue just nodded with a tantalizing smile
and closed the bathroom door. Martin noticed it, looked at the closed door and
considered his options. She was such a tease at times, sometimes deliberately,
but most times unintentionally.

He shook his
head with a hidden smile and used the time to check the contents of his black
bag. There was enough ammunition in it to defend against an army. He put one of
the pistols from the bag under his shirt. This would only help if the others
had to improvise. Though, if Sue and Martin remained in this place much longer,
the others would just use a bomb and his pistol would be useless.

A short time later the two of them left the hotel. Martin had made sure that there
was no colour on Sue that could raise suspicions or anger. She was wearing a
simple black dress and her black sandals. Sue was not too happy about this
outfit early in the morning, but she had also seen Martin’s face, when they left the building.
Something was not the way it was supposed to be and if he had a worried look,
she should be close to panic, because Martin was rarely visibly worried.
“Martin, what’s wrong with you? Did I do anything? Are you angry with me?” He
looked at her quickly and gave her a quick kiss that was meant to reassure Sue,
before he scanned the surrounding area with his eyes again. Sue felt insecure,
as if she was walking around in a maze, blindfolded. All she knew was that she
could trust Martin. But he had never been that taciturn before. Accordingly,
his behaviour made Sue more nervous than before, though she trusted him enough to
push most of this away again.

The streets were
still empty, as it was so early in the morning. Martin nodded to the concierge
as they entered the taxi that was waiting for them. It was a safe one, Martin
had cleared the details and if it had been possible, he would have stayed in
this car until they had reached England, because the driver and the car were
there for inconspicuous military personnel transports only. They’d need this
safe car, and Martin knew that their hunters were close. But if they did not
want any additional attention, they had to behave like tourists. Therefore, they
drove through Belfast, leisurely, like tourists did. Silently he wanted to curse the
city for a moment, but then again, he had always been thrilled by the
atmosphere of it. No, he couldn’t curse it. He loved Belfast and he had enjoyed
every minute of being here, though now everything was different, because he had
his loved one with him, in unexpected danger.

While Martin
was lost in his thoughts about her, Sue looked out of the window. As was her habit when thinking
about events that troubled her, she had problems with focusing on one topic.
‘What a lovely city. Full of life and excitement, well, and obviously with some
danger, too. What was it that worried Martin?’ She looked at him, only to see
that he had studied her closely. “Hey, what is it? Why are you so troubled?
Martin, if there is anything wrong, you have to tell me. I am not a small child
and want to know what’s going on. Please.” She added quickly, because she knew
exactly that he’d not allow her to push him, and she did not want a second
round with the belt either. Not even a romantic spanking by hand, until her
bottom felt much better, she conceded.

Martin pressed
his lips together for a moment and nodded, as if he had finally reached a decision. “Sue, we are not safe until we have reached the boat. I am just a
little overcautious, because I don’t want you to be hurt. If you do as told,
we’ll be safe and away in no time. Look there, the boat is almost in sight.
We can go on board immediately and leave. You’ll enjoy the
trip, because we’ll have great weather. And once on board, we’ll do fine.” He
smiled at her, and Sue observed with pleasure that his confident self returned.
Sue loved and adored him this way. A little more of it and he’d have her beg
for making love, even if the whole world watched, or a fisherman.

Martin could
distract her thoughts so easily, and she was always so willing when it came to
that, at least that was one of his ideas about her. Sue, on the other hand, was
always willing to play along, although she had noticed that sudden change of
topic. But she had also long accepted that she simply could not resist this man
in any way. She was an open book and absolutely defenceless, and both of them
knew it. Well, in a way it was part of the attraction that he felt for her,
this knowledge of unlimited trust from her side, this deep love and greed for
being with him. Martin had not found out so far why she was this way, because
she also had a characteristic that he had only observed by soldiers who had
survived deadly attacks almost unscathed. She was greedy for life to the extreme. A
rollercoaster ride? She’d take it, although she hated them. Climbing mountains?
She’d do it, because she hadn’t tried that. Scuba diving? Absolutely hers, even
more so, with sharks around her. Then again, she’d see a spider and run from
it. He could read what was going on in her and he knew how she functioned, but
then again, he was aware that she was a mystery and he understood nothing.

Martin always
felt how much she loved him, and he knew that she was trusting him beyond
reason. He was no saint, had done things in his job that let him detest himself. And then there was this awesome beauty
with her sweetness, her doe-eyes, her willingness to believe in him, with her
unconditional love and her zest for life. That was the core of her being. She
did everything for him, and it was unconditional. He also knew that he held her
soul in his hand, because of this ocean of love that she had reserved exclusively
for him. On this warm summer morning in Belfast, with deadly danger closing in
as they were on their wayto the harbour,
he looked at her from the side again and realized just how lucky he was and to
what lengths he would have to go to protect her from harm.

Martin’s idea
about her was that she wasn’t aware of how easily she could be harmed because
of her too trusting nature. She had been harmed in the past and she wore a few
scars on her soul from that. But he was surprised every time they spent time
together, how well she healed. For him, she was awesome, she was magic, and he would
make sure she’d be safe, no matter what it would take. As he looked along the
row of shabby, grey city buildings, they passed, he admitted to himself his willingness to wade through a pool of blood that he had filled with the blood of
those fools who dared standing between Sue and himself. He had the means and he
had the will. What he underestimated was Sue’s willingness, to do exactly the
same for him. They were two lovers in their own little world. And currently
this world was threatened by ‘the others’.

As they left the
car, Martin tapped the driver on the shoulder and signalled to stay there until
the boat was gone. If there were signs of the others, the
driver would call Martin, because then the boat would have to go elsewhere. He
hoped they would be spared from changing their plans again. They left the
harbour. There were some vessels preparing to leave, but theirs was the only
fishing boat that left the area at this time. Martin cursed his stupidity. ‘I
should have sought out another way. The boat was out too late. The airport had
been no option, because they would have recognized Sue. They would have seen me.
They would have found a way to stop us, either in Belfast or in England.’ He
had seen that happen once. It never made it’s way into the news as an
assassination. The report only spoke about a tragic car accident, in the middle
of London. Martin would not let that happen to her. She didn’t even know what
avalanche of sectarian violence she had set off, and as far as Martin was
concerned, it would stay that way. If only he had an idea what Sue’s two
friends might have told their torturers before they had been killed.

Sue enjoyed the
cool breeze of a day that promised to become very hot. As they passed the
remains of Belfast’s once so glorious shipping industry, there were only the
noises from the boat and from the docks. She had always wanted to go to the
docks and watch the workers. Now, she had doubts that would ever happen. With a
little bit of melancholy, she looked at the mix of old reddish brick buildings
and a few new, but rather out of place workshops along the pier. At that time
of the day there were only few workers, some just stood there and followed them
with their eyes as they left the harbour slowly.

She heard
Martin’s mobile ring. “Yeah? Ok, good to know, thanks, bye” Sue asked Martin
“Who was it?” but he did not answer. Ah, she saw Martin’s professional face
expression. His was a poker face, whenever he needed one and she knew she barely
stood a chance at even guessing what he thought when he shut her out like that.
Sue usually loved it when he was business-like, but here, she felt ignored in
this moment, and that was something she hated, though she also knew he would
not act like this without reason. Not towards her. Therefore, even if he did behave strangely, Sue
always had the feeling of love and could trust Martin completely. And
she never felt in danger with Martin around, just like she was never afraid of
being left by him. Sue was not good at assessing people, but she knew Martin
well. In fact, this man was the only man she understood. When she needed help,
he’d be either there, or had died trying. She knew that, because she’d do the
same for him. Their love to each other ran so deep, it would outlast any
problem. This was all reassurance she ever needed and nothing else could bother
her with Martin as a backup.

He had this
focused attitude which she also loved, went to the fisherman and told him
something. The man nodded and Sue felt how the boat changed direction. Almost directly
into the sun. How romantic. As Martin came back to her, he was finally smiling,
though still with his professional reserved attitude. “To the south there will
be bad weather. We’ll have to take another route across. It’ll be a bit shorter
than I had thought.” Sue didn’t worry. If Martin had a plan, all would be ok.
After all, she knew well that he planned almost everything and therefore always
had alternatives at hand. So, if the plane was cancelled, the weather in the
south was bad, it was only to be expected that he’d have another route to
England. What a nice trip this could be. Actually, their delay would give her
plenty of time to seduce him. She smiled when this thought popped up. “Martin,
I only have city clothes with me, but I have a short top and skirt in my
suitcase, and it is getting really warm here, could I change, please?” Martin
grinned at her, his open self was back. “Love, downstairs you’ll only find
dirty smelly places, you’d have to do it here, on deck. Do you want that?”

As an answer Sue
opened her suitcase took out her clothes and slowly hitched her dress up, until
her stocking tops were visible. “Why not?” she saw him interested, and for a
moment he stopped breathing. ‘If you want a challenge, you can have it!’ Smiling
seductively, she never let her eyes wander away from him, as she slowly undid
her stockings, rolled them down in slow motion and took them off. She stood at
the ship’s bow and could see the fisherman behind Martin, steering. His eyes
rested on her, just like Martin’s, who leaned against a box and waited what she
would do next. ‘Would she undress completely? Nah, she wouldn’t, not with the
captain present’, Martin told himself, but her movement spoke another language.
Sue enjoyed Martin’s attention. She had him and knew it. Instead of putting on
the short red cotton skirt, she slowly undid the zipper of her dress. Very
slowly she peeled her left arm out of the dress to present naked skin. She
turned around, away from Martin and the fisherman. With slight, wriggling moves
she peeled her right arm out and felt her dress sag down. She still held it
high enough, and she was also wearing a bra, but her back and parts of her
suspender belt were visible. Very slowly she drove the fingers along her naked
skin and opened the suspender belt with two fingers, shook her hip and let it
slide down. A quick glance to Martin showed her that he was focused on her. Oh,
the fisherman was focused, too. ‘Well, why not? He is in his little captain’s
cabin and can only see me. Martin could come over and touch me. If only he
would’, Sue thought. She turned away, so that Martin and the fisherman would
only see her backside. She let her dress go and it fell down. She heard Martin
clear his throat, accompanied by the soothing sound of the boat’s slowly
working machine. Very slowly she took up her top and put it on in slow motion.
Sue wished for Martin to come over and caress her. And her wish came true, as
if he had heard her thoughts. She listened to his slow steps coming closer and
felt his embrace from behind. A wave of pleasant heat ran like a ripple from
her most vulnerable spot away into the tips of each hair. He caressed her
breasts which were sort of directing the ship’s way to safety. Slowly, Martin
kissed his way up, from the neck to her ear, to the cheek and as she turned to
him and put her arms around him, her lips found his. She felt this peculiar
tingling in her stomach and inhaled Martin’s smell. Masculine, fresh, now
salty, as his smell mixed with the air, there was this smell of old, worn
leather on him. This was from his old leather jacket which he had let fall
where she had seen him only seconds earlier. She dug her nose into his skin to
get more of this exquisite mix. She caught a little bit of his cologne, a very
volatile smell that reminded her of what the blue sky possibly could smell
like. She tried again. She wanted to breathe Martin in completely, forever. Sue
felt that Martin did the same with her. But unexpectedly early he took his head
slowly up to her ear and softly whispered “Sue, you are a tease. You know that
we can’t do anything here on board, but over-exciting the poor captain was not
nice. If you hadn’t worn a bra and turned around then, I would have given him
an additional show, by spanking you for indecent behaviour, my love.” “Ouch!”
Martin had just given her a single sample of what could have been, and Sue was
not sure if she should not go to some length to get right then what Martin had
suggested. As the pain from the single swat ebbed away slowly, she reconsidered
again, because her bottom was still far too sore to accept Martin’s hidden
offer.

Throughout the following
three hours on sea, they only saw a few ferries and transport vessels. There
even was another motor boat, far away and sometimes bopping in and out of
sight. For Martin this motor boat had been following them too long on a route
which normally nobody would use to cross the sea from Belfast. They couldn’t do
anything but wait and see. For Sue, everything was very picturesque, and she
used the time to sun bathe while Martin talked to the fisherman. When they
finally reached a tiny little harbour, somewhere in nowhere, on a warm and
pleasant mid-morning, Sue was as disappointed as could be. There were a few old
shabby industry buildings, an old ship’s landing, a huge, dirty car park and a
road that came out of nowhere and led away into nowhere. At least there were
pleasant hills everywhere in the background and created a scenery that would
have been charming and adorable, if there hadn’t been the old buildings and
the car park, that is.

“Where are we?
What place is this?” Sue frowned. 'Not exactly a holiday resort. This looks more like the end of the civilized world.' They left the boat quickly and as they waved
goodbye to the fisherman, they were greeted by a bear-like, red-haired man with
a strong Scottish accent. The man looked like the cliché of a Scotsman, the
only thing that was not cliché was that he was wearing a pair of dirty jeans
instead of the traditional Scottish kilt. ‘Too bad, I’d love to know what he’d
wear under it. If everything was as big on him as his hands and arms…’ Sue
smiled broadly, in the right moment. One smile was all for herself, as she
imagined herself lifting up this man’s kilt, getting red cheeks and afterwards
being led away for a spanking by Martin, for indecent behaviour and just so naughty
thoughts.

She sighed
deeply as she gave this friendly bear her hand and smiled the other smile, the
friendly contact smile of hers. As she greeted him back, she saw another one of
those familiar tattoos, half hidden under his t-shirt. It identified this man
as being of Martin’s kind. She did not know much about tattoos, but if there was
a dagger, wings, a sword, or even a crown in it, she had learned that those
meant ‘hardcore military’, as she referred to these soldiers. They’d hide such
tattoos in unsafe environments, but among friends, it was a symbol of identity.
She had seen that working in different places with Martin and other soldiers. Even
if they had never met before, this symbol made them sort of friends, or at
least a tight-knit community.

“Welcome to
Scotland. My name’s Angus. I am going to bring you away from here.” What a pleasant, sonorous voice he had. They shook
hands and Martin immediately inquired about the roads. “Well, the roads south
are currently blocked. We can only bring you northwards. But it should be
reasonably safe there.” Sue hesitated, felt angst rise slowly and forgot to
breathe. “What? Why safe? Why ‘reasonably’? Martin, I want to know. NOW!” She
stomped her foot like a little girl having a tantrum. Indeed, she was having one. Martin took her hand
tightly and looked at Sue, seriously and sternly, with anger maybe not too far
behind. He only gave her a second to calm down. She shut her mouth and tried to
refrain from pouting, but her eyes were aflame with anger and frustration
because she had no idea of what was going on in a place somewhere in Scottish nowhere.

“Excuse us,
Angus, we’ll be back in a moment and can continue our journey then. Just a
word, please!” This was getting serious. Martin led her away, a few meters
closer to the calm Irish sea. Sue felt herself shrinking as she saw that Martin
would scold her right now, with Angus being in earshot. She thought about
trying to pull away from him, but didn’t, because that would be so silly and
would only let her appear more like a little girl having a temper tantrum. She
knew the rules but could not think clearly for now. It was probably the effect
Martin’s tense behaviour had. Maybe others would not notice his change in behaviour, but she would.

“Come with me,
unless you want to be seen by Angus. It’ll be bad enough that he’ll probably
hear you in a minute! But I am surely not willing to accept your disrespectful behaviour
and you’ll be spanked now. Here, right on the shore and in the presence of
anybody who cares to see you squirm and cry. You think the spanking in
Belfast was severe? You have no idea what the next one will feel like,
if you go on behaving like a brat. I hope I made myself clear, young Lady!”
Martin let out his breath, gazed at her with this strict and serious look that
would ultimately turn her on, turned away and pulled her with him further down
to the little stretch of brown-earthed beach. Sue never made a sound. She
simply followed Martin’s lead, because she wouldn’t do anything to make him
angry now. She still felt her bum being tender from Belfast and now she would get
another lesson. Inwardly, she scolded herself for behaving like a silly cow,
and in the presence of a stranger, to make matters worse. All the same, if it hadn't been for her tender bum and Angus, she would have embraced the way it would undeniably reconnect them.

Martin steered
them to a group of rocks, right at the waterfront. Under different
circumstances, this corner of Scotland would have made a nice spot for a
romantic time. And Sue could even see the motor boat again. But now, it was
only the spot of Sue’s first punishment, ever, in Scotland. Martin sat down,
pulled Sue’s skirt up and her knickers down. “Over my knees!” he commanded
strictly. Sue did as told and Martin was not waiting long for her to settle
down. She was barely in position, when she felt the first swat swat and almost
shattered to pieces from the pain. Her still tender bottom couldn’t possibly
take that. “Nooo, Martin, owwww, this is too much!Ooowwww, I. can’t. take. It. OOOWWWWW! Martin
spanked on. She heard the peculiar sound of the spanking, swat, swat, swat, mixed
with the noise from the sea and the gulls. Or was it her? The strokes were rapidly
falling on her bottom, as she tried in vain to relax all muscles. Her tears were
all over her cheeks, dripped down on the ground. She heard herself groan
repeatedly and Martin’s breath, as he continued working her tender bottom. Sue
made every effort, not to wriggle too much, but to no avail. Martin held her
tightly, he did not lecture her and she would not have understood a single
syllable if he had. She felt her bottom in flames. Painful explosion after
explosion gave Sue the feeling to faint. If only! She felt every bit of pain
far more than usual. Sue accepted the inevitable.

It would go on, until Martin
had decided that she had understood. The pain was harsh and made it harder than
usual for her, but something inside lost its sharp edge. In this pain, she felt
growing peace. Her acceptance was there for good. She did not consciously notice it, but
Martin felt her whole body relax. And he knew so well what that meant. This was
the signal he had waited for. It was not a sign that he had beaten her into
submission, because he would not do that to her. Instead, her growing limp, her
relaxing was the sign she would not hide from him. She was her real self again.
No anger, no resentment, no tantrum. He might have to face a fierce discussion,
because he had seen the lovely bruises of hers and she might scold him for
spanking her in this moment. But she would do it like a reasonable woman, not
like a spoiled brat, and in return, he would accept any verdict she’d deem
appropriate. He grinned inwardly. This would not mean him being spanked, but if
she demanded a sort of amends, he would give that to her, in recognition of the
difficult situation and because he loved her and wanted to see her happy in the
long run.

He mused on,
with Sue still across his lap, though he had stopped spanking her. Both of them
needed a moment to recover. Martin used the time to assess how long the motor
boat would take till it would be here. Finally, he helped her up and held her
tightly. After a short while she drew her knickers up, with her bottom so much
on fire that she was not sure whether she really wanted to pull her skirt down
and add to the effect. But she did, as Martin waited for her. She had winced
from the pain as she pulled her skirt down, and she had her peculiar ‘severe
spanking’ walk, as Martin helped her back to the road. Martin marvelled at the
transformation that he had seen happen in her within the last few minutes. If
anything, Sue was at peace. Her eyes sparkled, full of life, even more so, after Martin had wiped away her ruined make-up around the eyes.
“Thank you, Martin. I am sorry for my tantrum. But you have been mean to my
bottom! Hey, I’d like to go swimming, to cool it. Could we go here? No?” She
couldn’t help it but had to smile and gave him a tender kiss. Finally, they’d
go on, away from danger. Angus had been waiting patiently and tried ostensibly
to remain neutral about what had happened.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

A big thank you and many big hugs go to DelFonte from A Place of Fancies for nominating me. I think this will be great fun to do and I hope you enjoy it, too.

Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog.
2. Display the award on your blog-- by including it in your post and / or displaying it using a "widget" or "gadget".
3. Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
4. Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
5. Nominate 5 to 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display the widget that lets readers know this information.
6. Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
7. List these rules on your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to :
8. Inform people/blogs that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they can learn about it (they might not have heard of it!)

DF's questions:

1. Do you like rollercoaster rides?No. I am chicken when it comes to that.

2. If you could speak any language in the world (apart from your own) - which would it be?I'd love to speak Norwegian or Swedish. I like the sound of it and since I like Scandinavia but only speak a little Danish, one of the other languages would be awesome to know.

3. What do you like to do on a rainy day?Warm summer rain? I'd go out and get soaked. Cold autumn rain? Find hubby, snug into him and if it were in the evening try for the bedroom with hubby, light candles, do things and listen to the rain.

4. Red or white wine? Or neither?Red, if any. Looking at a bottle of wine is enough to make me drunk. I like the taste of fruity red wine, though.

5. What is your favourite (or least hated) kink/spanking implement?Oh, that list could be sooo long :). My favourite for spanking is the hand, but we also have a soft flogger that I love, a soft leather paddle that is great and a rather soft cane which is marvelous. For general kink, I am game for any kind of bondage device.

6. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would you want to be?I don't think I'd have the nerve for it, but I'd like it in a wobbling ski-lift somewhere high in the mountains, or backstage, during a huge concert. With backstage I mean right behind the centre stage. :) But I would definitely freak out just from the knowledge that anybody, like 20.000 people could surprise us.

8. Can you ski?Only if falling down the hills qualifies. But I am a good swimmer, I think.

9. Given a choice between a hot air balloon ride and being in a sailing yacht, which would you choose?Both sound like fun. I like sailing, maybe that first if I could do the balloon ride second?

10. If you have to go to a fancy dress party - what do you go as?Someone with a magnificent ball gown, like from Mary Antoinette's time. They are beautiful and I also like the idea that undressing might take a while and that could lead to other things later.

11. If you were a teacher, what would you like to teach?I did well enough at school, but teaching would not be mine, because there are so many regulations in it. But if I had free choice, I'd definitely do arts, sewing (home economics) and maybe English. To non-native speakers I probably could.

What I should better not teach: car driving and maths.

11 random facts about myself:

1. I cannot stand watching horror movies and have been known to dig my head in hubby's shoulder from the beginning to the end during such movies and still was the most scared person in the room, from the noises.

2. I like reading in the nude. (at home!)

3. I like working with clay, but it doesn't like me. During a pottery course I have put too soft, too wet, very squishy clay on the potter's wheel and when I pushed down the pedal, it flew around the workshop and three members and I had grey spots and freckles all over. It was an accident! I tried working with clay repeatedly, but am not really good at that. When I try to make a torso, it only looks like very modern art.

4. Sad poetry makes me cry easily, actually it is guaranteed that I cry from it. I might be sloppy at using language, but when the poems are good ones and the words to the point, they really hit me.

5. Jane Austen has always been one of my favourite authors.

6. When I read in other women's blogs, and imagine what you look like, my first idea is always that you are either blond or red-haired. There are only few exceptions who have stated that they have another colour. When I imagine what the men behind you might look like, my first idea is always they have chestnut brown hair. No matter what age.

7. I don't believe in luck charms, but have one, it goes everywhere with me and I would never want to lose it. ... Just in case.

8. I love 40's and 50's style clothes. But I only had one 50's petticoat-style dress and that one has become shabby and I don't like it any longer.

9. My eyes are light blue.

10. After finishing school I have not read a single book voluntarily for five years. But after marriage, I relearned to enjoy reading and books again, and would love to have more time for it.

11. Hubby showed me basic self-defence once, which was important for both of us. He knows what he is doing, whereas I don't have a clue, but I felt like a winner and champion because I kicked him into his bottom. But I do love him endlessly!

I hereby nominate six lovely bloggers from Smacking Bottom:

Wildcard. It says nominate 5-11 bloggers, and I think I might have missed nominating you. Yes you! Therefore, please, feel nominated and go ahead answering the questions, because you are lovely. You deserve this award and I'd love to read your answers as well.

The new list of questions:

1. What's your favourite sleeping position (spoon, back-to-back, etc.)? 2. Have you got a favourite mug, cup or piece of china, and if so, what made it your favourite?3. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?4. What is the most important thing that you have learned from current and past relationships?5. What do you find most attractive in your partner?6. What are the three favourite things you can't live without?7. What's the first thing you notice when you look at someone?8. What's your favourite book genre?9. Is there a favourite song of yours? All-time or currently?10. What's the favourite treat that you give yourself once in a while?11. What's the best gift you have ever received?

Thank you for reading on and I am looking forward to see the answers :)

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Ok, I am sitting here, feeling pretty good, a few bland crackers next to me and I enjoy those more this morning than any other kind of food, because I had awful heartburn last night. It kept me up for quite a long while and therefore I thought I'd rather write down what could help against it. According to the experienced mommies, heartburn happens later in pregnancy. And I think I know what I did wrong to get it that bad.

1. Let's start with the crackers. I have them or my infamous pretzel sticks nearby, even at night. I found that I feel better when I eat a few before breakfast, actually, before getting up. Yeah, that's the erotic mommy-to-be. Still in bed, grabbing crackers and munching before even getting up. Hey, my advice, try to take a quick picture when your partner observes you doing that for the first time. Hubby's face was worth a picture, but I had no camera. :(

(Not really heartburn related, but good against nausea)

2. Eat more small meals than the three big ones. I can cope far better with the small meals now. And you won't look stuffed, either ... :)

3. Don't eat too fat. I think that was my mistake yesterday. You produce more stomach acid as a result.

5. Don't drink too much while you have your meal. It is better to drink between meals, I guess it is because of blowing up your stomach unnecessarily.

6. Of course, no alcohol, smoking and caffeine, because they let you produce more stomach acid, as well.

7. Don't lie flatly in bed. If your stomach is a little higher, you'll have less of a problem. Helped me much, too, last night.

8. Don't eat right before bedtime.

9. Eat slowly.This is more important than it sounds.

10. No chocolate and other food that might let you produce more acid than usual.

11 Eat well. Go for the healthy, nutritious food, veggies are good, try to find those that you can digest without causing additional problems.

Maybe I forgot something important against heartburn. If so, please tell me, I'd like to add that.

My heartburn problem was a self-made one, because I ate too late, and had a craving for something fat and spicy, too. Well, maybe that would have been manageable, but then, in bed, my upper body was not propped up high and that was simply too much. Usually I eat pretty healthy, but this time I got it wrong. :(

Yummy Yummy

And I am still waiting for baby to kick me from the inside. I am waiting and waiting for her to move, so that I really feel it is her. You know, this is like waiting for a big surprise to be revealed.
There is no reason to worry, though, because I know she is well. I heard and saw her again last week and at the moment I am all too curious and excited about the movement, because as long as I am not completely sure, I always think it is just gas.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

As you know from my personality test (I love this test; and there are many truths in it!), I am unable to focus on one topic for a long time, therefore I'll relate something I have not written about here yet, because it is a difficult topic in an English-German marriage. Besides, my test says, I am easily bored and need the excitement. Today's excitement was an argument -of the good-natured kind- about what it means to be English or German. I think we fulfilled every national cliché possible with what we observed as differences.

Apart from my maiden name, no school uniform in my school years and that you English (I am looking right at hubby writing this) drive on the left, whereas we drive on the right (!) side, there is one difference which I find still striking. I think about the various kinds of bread. Before every English man and woman starts throwing that at me, let me first assure you, I love English bread, and French baguette as well (for the record). But, everytime back home with my in-laws, I keep doing one thing: I take a single slice of bread and play with it. It's the little kitten in me. When I see a single slice of bread, I want to have it. I do that because you can bend it back and forth, squeeze it, threaten it, shoot it, and every other kind of activity ... and it will always get back into the original shape. I really love that.

My mom always said 'Don't play with your food!' and now I do it every time we are in Britain and I am known throughout the family for that. It has turned into a running gag and you can assume what it is like when my brothers in law ask me if I want some bread. That happens almost at every meal, for around the first three days and then again on the last day, before we leave.

I hope you are not my personality type, otherwise you are probably not even reading this anymore. :) Now, the higly explosive message that I referred to hubby is that I also believe German bread tastes better. ... If you disagree, you are in good company, feel free to comment. But hubby is on my side, because more than ten years here and he has learned to love German bread. Different colours, tastes, more variety.

And I am not saying that there is no variety concerning bread in England. But nevertheless, it is completely different. Some of what you English (looking at hubby again) call brown bread, would qualify as white bread in brown colour only, with our local baker. Maybe I should make myself clear about the taste. This is really more about variety, not so much about good or bad taste, though there are many kinds of bread that you don't find in Britain at all, and other kinds where I prefer the taste of the continental bread.

And this is not meant as English-bashing either! If anybody, hubby is proud to be British and English. I am proud of my husband and love his ways, and there are so many good things that Britain and the English have: NHS, tolerance, high class education, a unique identity, Royals, English food (far better than its reputation), and so much more. ... But not the good bread :))) Sorry folks, I couldn't resist.

Please, don't be seriously annoyed with me, for teasing a little. I love Britain, England, the English -one of them every night- and hope nobody takes this kind of teasing seriously. As English and Germans, and any other nationality, we are surely somehow different, but definitely equal.

Friday, April 25, 2014

I stumbled upon one of those tests and I like doing those, if you want to know who took every test in the magazine, while waiting at the doctor's, yeah, that was me:), so, it is no surprise that I couldn't resist. Let's see what my results are: (I like that I am the Explorer-type, according to them) Some of this is definitely me.

Observant and Prospecting types - they are
spontaneous, practical and inventive, able to quickly think on their
feet and make best use of their surroundings.

ESFP strengths and weaknesses

ESFP strengths

Bold. ESFPs want to experience things, to try
everything there is to try. They do not mind going outside their comfort
zone or exploring something that others are reluctant to do.

Original. ESFP personalities like to experiment
and enjoy standing out in the crowd. They do not really care about
traditions or what other people expect them to do.

Excellent people skills. ESFPs tend to be very
witty and talkative—they would never run out of things to discuss. They
also strongly dislike being alone and enjoy communicating with other
people whenever possible.

Great sense of aesthetics and beauty. ESFPs are
very artistic, especially when it comes to entertaining other people;
this personality type is unmatched in this area.

Practical. ESFPs are interested only in practical
matters. They dislike theoretical or philosophical discussions, seeing
them as a waste of their time.

Very observant. ESFP personalities live in the
present moment and focus exclusively on what is happening “here and
now.” They find it easy to notice real, tangible things and changes.

ESFP weaknesses

Find it difficult to focus. ESFPs get bored very
quickly and want to stay entertained and excited for as long as
possible, regardless of the situation. Not surprisingly, they are likely
to find it difficult to deal with tasks that require patience, focus,
and dedication.

Very sensitive. People with this personality type
are extremely expressive and emotional, making no efforts to conceal
their feelings. They are likely to react very emotionally in the face of
criticism or if they are pushed into a corner and are unable to make a
decision.

Poor planners. ESFPs rarely think about the future
and are more concerned about the present moment, refusing to worry
about the next steps or potential consequences.

Always seek excitement. ESFPs take risks and are often self-indulgent, putting the pleasures of the present above stability or long-term plans.

Have difficulties in the academic environment.
ESFPs see school as a waste of time. They are far more interested in
creative, practical things as well as socializing. People with this
personality type are likely to find it difficult to stick to schedules
and put in enough effort to succeed in the academic environment.

Loathe conflicts. ESFP personalities do everything
they can to ignore potential conflicts, often pretending to be
interested or concerned, but then going on to do something they see as
fun.

(source: http://www.16personalities.com/esfp-personality)

My conclusion: Some of this is definitely true, especially the academic environment weakness had a major influence on me in the past. Poor planner? Yes, true, I am afraid. Sensitive? Yes, true. Seek excitement? Well, yes true, lol, but I am bored quickly :) and need the new challenge.

But I sort of disagree with the last one: Loathe conflicts, yes, a wee bit true, but I have actually learned to solve problems and if I cannot, I ask for help! Usually I am always out for harmony, but I don't avoid conflict at all cost, because it never worked for me.

You know what I love most about this test? That it put me and the bold-quality together. I really love that. Ha, this makes me a braveheart! But this is probably another kind of bold. Not like brave. :(

The 'very observant' strength is only half true with me, because I might notice subtle changes in people and things, but I am an absolute dork when it comes to seeing what people are really like.

According to the list of famous people of this type, I should be an actress. Lol, I have done that at school, but never made it to broadway. :) Probably because I lost focus. :)

I think, you'll likely find something from every given personality trait in you, though I admit much of what the test revealed fits all too well. ... I am doomed!

Well, no, not doomed. The parenting section of the test told me that I will be good at caring for my baby's needs. Oh, I love that test. I did not read on after the baby care line. Lost focus again. :)

Have a nice weekend, everybody. I'll go out of my comfort zone and do something exciting, lol, like walking through the woods with hubby :) . Actually I do like experiencing new things, wow, the test is better than I thought at first. But completely contrary to the test-idea, I cling to the structure that hubby and I have. This is a real need of mine.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Finally, after all sorts of things that have appeared here in my blog, I found the energy to write a little about our rules. They are just a few thoughts about them and most of it might be pretty obvious, too, but I have not written much about our rules here so far, therefore I thought that it is time to change that after what feels like tons of entries about pregnancy, feel-good ideas and some from the 'different' kind of writing. Even Sue and Martin, the two who had a first appearance in Belfast, could turn up again soon, in a second part of the story. Well, back to topic.

As some of you know, the spanking part is currently not there for us and this is going to change only in winter, maybe Christmas ....oh, hopefully, I want that back so much! Since this part has been more important than I was aware of until recently, the question arose, how to deal with this.

The good news is, I did not go into a mad frenzy and hubby did not go to the pub to drown his frustration. Somehow we have only changed a part of the discipline into the non-physical direction, and it works so far. It feels more arduous and leaves me sometimes slightly frustrated, but I think it works in general. Hey, and I am a good girl!

Back to the four D's which in a way can cover all you need to look out for: Disobedience, Dangerous behaviour, Dishonesty and finally ... Disrespect. Here we are.

I'll try to explain what kind of importance respect has for us. I don't know if there is a difference in how men and women see respect in a relationship, but I know that hubby and I have different opinions about its importance, though we agree that we want to show respect to each other. See below.

Respect

Hubby
and I show a certain kind of respect to each other. And since me talking back
could really hurt, this is an important rule for us. I don't mean to be bad,
but I claim to be human and then these things just happen and hubby says I am
very human. Thanks for that, Sir. But seriously, just having this awareness
that both of us want and deserve respect, helps us. We want to show to each other our esteem, how much we cherish each other.

It’s also about the small
things. For example I am fabulous at letting my eyes roll verbally. The tone I
use can show all shades of disrespect that you can imagine. Just like rolling
eyes can. I am not supposed to do that and I manage to fulfil that one. … Very
often! But I seriously believe that hubby deserves respect and he also treats
me nicely and does a lot more, he even disciplines me when it’s necessary. I mean, he does, what it takes, because he also believes it is right. Nevertheless, I think that it is not easy in every situation to be up to the task. Hubby deserves even more respect from my side when I consider that. Well, we both believe that our partner deserves to be treated with respect. It is a sign that shows how much our partner is cherished. And I think everybody needs to feel that, not only hubby and I.

Some ways of not respecting hubby are simply like bad habits. I have learned to roll my eyes and nobody actively stopped me doing that, before hubby-times. From nowaday's point of view, I think this was rude behaviour. I know that there are many people out there who say, who cares, it's part of your personality or whatever. No, it is not part of my personality. It's behaviour or habit and that can be retrained/modified. I want to please my husband and enjoy doing things for him. Therefore, I have learned not to roll my eyes as a non-verbal kind of nagging. I don't do it, because I know he doesn't like it and I don't like it much either, because it shows the opposite of what I want to show to my husband. Imagine how you feel if someone shows disrespect to you. I think this hurts a lot if done by someone you love.

This is only one example. If it is related to body language, negative signals are sometimes too quick to give them a name, although they have happened. So, you could tell your partner non-verbally, that you don't respect him. Who could want that?!

Instead, being in a loving relationship should be about the opposite. Show your partner that you appreciate what he does. Let him feel cherished and loved. Find ways to make him feel better. That's what it should be about. And now the turn back to DD: I believe that the potential chance to discuss these things, to give them a name and to find ways of stopping what's going wrong and changing it into a better direction, is greater in a DD relationship. Once again, this is only based on my opinion. I did not start a survey and only see what hubby and I discuss, again and again if we feel like it. I compare that to my past unsuccessful vanilla relationships. There have been moments when respect was a topic. But somehow, the incentive to change anything actively was not big enough (euphemism: =there was no incentive; I was free to misbehave).

There is one thing about respect that I have learned from hubby and he has stated it in almost identical words more than once: He would rather go without love than without respect. Now, that was, no it still is a shocker for me. He has tried to explain that more than once, but I think I am only able to grasp his idea behind it, though not really able to understand this train of thought. For me, it is more the other way round. I'd rather live loved but without being respected than without love. Maybe it is just him and me, because opposites attract? I don't know, but once this had sunk in, it was a real eye-opener for me, because it showed me that respect is so important for hubby. It is a serious issue for him, and first of all I am very grateful that he could give it a name. I think not all husbands have this awareness. Ever since he has made it clear that this is important for him, its importance has also grown for me. Lol, I am still a member of the 'love-first' faction, though. Nevertheless, it is part of learning from hubby to at least understand that respect is important and therefore, I am so much more willing to show hubby this respect.

I like the traditional roles for men and women. I am not out to convince anybody that this is right or good for them, but it is good and right for us. We believe in equal rights for both sexes here, but we don't believe that men and women are equal. Obviously we are very different and we love this because in a way with our differences we complement each other. It works for us. Hey, I am still talking about respect, because for us, it is important to allow the other one to express this difference, and also to appreciate it.

From my (female) friends some show rather masculine traits at times. I know that I could do that in some moments too, but I hate it and feel bad with it. I don't like to behave that way. Hubby doesn't expect me to do that (and he has a strong dislike of such behaviour in women). His way of being with me is different. He allows me to show and live according to my nature. I don't get any derogative comments or eye-rolling because I am who I am. Instead, I am loved and cherished for it. Now, for me, this is a kind of showing respect that I do not expect to be understood by all.

And although I do connect these benefits to having DD, I know that others will have the opposite opinion. That's fine too, of course.

We are not into tattoos, but I like these two.

Respect fun-section

There were these three guys talking. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third guy remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow puffs out his chest and says, "Well, I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me crawling on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed! Their eyes are wide and they have a newfound respect for this guy. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third fellow sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!'"

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Your chance for success is ....

Ever since I have started getting used to being pregnant, I had this emotional coctail, the mix of hope and fear. The reason for that is, that we have never made it beyond the sixteenth week - before. So, in week ten, when I couldn't wait any longer to let everybody know, I felt this doubt. Will all be ok this time? Some doctors we have had to deal wih in the past told me the percent chance to succeed, the most positive way they could: "The chance is between 55 to 65 % due to past miscarriages." Did it mean the chance not to survive is 35 to 45%? Horrible. Ok, so this is a little of what bothered me every day so far. Not the numbers but the message, there was a pretty high chance that it would not work out. Depending on my emotional state, I chose clinging to the hope or being sad.

After week 10 the fun began

The first hurdle we had taken was week twelve. This was the date we had set originally to tell that we are pregnant. Well, that was the original plan, but I couldn't wait that long, as some of you know.

And in the weeks that followed, I got used to this idea, "Hey, I am feeling better than ever. It might work out!" I could add a whole line of '!' to express how strongly I felt and how my hopes grew every day (and still do). That I had less doubts and felt more on the safe side has proven to be so important for me. Only inbetween I still had some hours when I thought that chances are pretty high that it doesn't work out. These nagging doubts were there, somewhere in the back. Actually they were not doubts. I am mortally afraid of something going wrong this time, but our belief that all will be well, grows. All we want is that our baby is safe. I keep writing that, I know, but it is my mantra till October.

The land of hope

Nevertheless, all in all our hopes have reached an all-time high. This is new territory for hubby and me, in a way it is like reaching a new land of hope. It is the first time that we have made it beyond week sixteen and I feel great. This is my first seventeenth week experience ever and I already feel like a champion :) . There are funny things going on with me, some of which I have already written about, e.g. my sexdrive that still dominates many of my thoughts. The intensity of it really hit me hard, but hubby and I enjoy it, too. I feel tired (sometimes), feel the urge to eat after midnight, couldn't eat in the evening, can't sleep at night, feel overactive, constipation, lots of other changes I am not writing about, with regard to my readers :), and the best of this is I enjoy every minute of all this. Lol, I can see some experienced mommies roll their eyes now, but so far passing week sixteen is the greatest success that we have ever had when it comes to pregnancies. And it goes on. It is getting better every day.

In the third trimester, when I am maybe swearing like a trooper, with swollen feet and hands, when it might feel uncomfortable, you might remind me of how much I praise the little inconveniences that I only have to deal with so far. But as long as these changes and inconveniences continue, I believe my hopes will grow, because this means that baby is fine. That's all that matters to us.

Our current way of DD

For those of you who wonder if there is still anything DD-related in my blog, well, yes. Actually I have some texts but somehow I end up writing about pregnancies at the moment. We are still in the dynamic, living without that is something we couldn't even imagine. But we are also doing some things differently than usually, e.g. the spanking and punishment-part. Currently I have more room to do things my way, which does not mean at all that the general rules don't apply. They do, and if I work against them, I am disciplined/punished, though differently. E.g. with more corner time and restricted online time or early bedtimes. There is more that hubby has in store and I do not really want to know about his ideas concerning non-physical punishment.

So, I actually try hard to be a good girl and we adapt to the changes that have come with me being pregnant. We are already discussing how to go on once baby is there. We do that in a general way, because there is some time left, but I remember vividly all the reports from DD-couples with little ones and with the kids who are curious and spill out information to whoever, about dad whacking mom in the evening. Well, so far I understood and could laugh, but now, I understand, can still laugh and wonder how we will manage that. I think I'll re-read many blog entries for these pieces of information.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

There are definitely so many women who handle stress well. They use it like an additional energy that lets them perform better. I am not sure whether they would have problems in their pregnancies, due to stress. Well, and I guess I am not among those. Stress stresses me.... :) . I can't take too much of it, but there are also situations where I'd say I am fine and others are stressed. So, whether you feel well or feel stressed seems to be a highly individual quality. Nevertheless, I think that some kind of stress relief is very important, like in extremely very important, for pregnant women. It cannot be good for her and her baby to feel tense or strained over prolonged periods of time. I haven't done any research on this, let's say it is a sort of gut feeling. Therefore, I have my list with ideas to relieve women with a baby bump from stress.

1. Identify what stresses you. Otherwise you cannot get rid of it. Once it is identified, try to change something to reduce the problem.

2. Sleep it away. Easy for most women in certain periods of their pregnancy. I for one could have solved the problems of the world by sleeping two weeks in a row.

3. Take your time and relax. E.g. by declaring your day of cozy or by having a pleasantly warm bubble bath. But don't make it too hot. My doctor advised against hot baths.

4. Talking about water, go swimming. I still do walking, but am not jogging any longer. Swimming has become a lovely alternative for me by now. Besides, the effect of moderate physical exercise is positive throughout. You can virtually work the stress away and afterwards feel like you have accomplished something, as well.

5. Eat. ... Not for two, but healthy and take your time with that. I have had trouble with eating later in the evening during the first trimester, but that has changed. Haha, if I wanted to, I could eat all night now. According to the doc, several small meals a day are good. If you have morning sickness, eating little snacks might be easier too. Eating is not meant as a ventile for frustration. This is about good, healthy food, meant to nourish baby and you well. If you are in a hectic job and forget about eating because of that, baby will cry. Therefore, try to take your time and eat healthy. Avoid much sugar, if you can, btw. It can feed yeasts in the most unlikely places. Yes, there too.

6. Blog. Come on, I am not even close to using my blog here to its full pregnancy potential :). But since every now and then, blogging citizens of Smacking Bottom do vent online, I think this is a great way for pregnant citizens, to do the same.

7. I have listened to my friends and Sara's recommendation of writing a journal about my pregnancy. In it I can write whatever I want to, hopefully baby will not have the impression that I am too focused on bodily functions, because I do use it to express my joys and sorrows there as well. I can recommend this to all expectant mothers. This is very personal, well, more like intimate and not meant for all to read, but for baby, when she is grown up.

8. Read a book, sew, draw, do something that relaxes you. Rumours are that sex could help to relax and forget what stresses you, at least for a while. :)

9. If the job is the problem, then you have a problem. As a housewife I don't have much of that problem anymore. Well, and currently hubby doesn't even allow me to climb a ladder because I could fall, so my job is safe and not stressful. Maybe that will change when baby is there, though definitely not in this negative way.
So, what about moms-to-be who have a job and an employer who is less understanding? I have no real idea, and definitely no advice. But since the stress will increase when your baby is born, you might consider all options for your job career now. Tricky, I know.

10. Paint pictures on your bump when it is big and round. I haven't done this yet with my own belly, but I remember when my older sister and I did that with mom's, while we were waiting for our younger sister. This was real fun, for our mom as well. She enjoyed it endlessly. This was real quality time.

There are more good ways of reducing stress levels, and even though I know that not all stress can be taken away, I think it can only help mom and child, to reduce stress. And since stress often is highly individual, it might just be that you are doing fine the way life is. In that case, I hope you don't know the pictures from the fun section, so that I could at least make you smile a little bit.