In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Round One action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.

3. Frottage

Literal Meaning: “A specific paraphilia which involves the non-consensual rubbing against another person to achieve sexual arousal. The contact is usually with the hands or the genitals and may involve touching any part of the body including the genital area. A person who practices frotteurism is known as a frotteur. The majority of frotteurs are male and the majority of victims are female, although female on male, female on female, and male on male frotteurs exist.”

The Intarwebs say: “The causes of Macrophilia are debated but some, such as clinical psychologist Helen Friedman, classify macrophilia as a substitution for a “normalized” approach to sex. She calls it a manifestation of “old, unresolved psychological issues” and dismisses Macrophilia as a “fetish” and instead labels it as a “disassociation from reality” brought on by the trauma of a sadistic or overly dominant mother during childhood. This generalization of those describing themsleves as macrophiles has been received with hostility from the community itself.”

Join The Discussion

Living in Chicago and riding public transportation every day, I dread the day I meet a frottager/tamakeri combo fetisher. The moment I feel someone ( a dude) rubbing up against me, I’ll immediately knee him in the balls. Imagine my horror when he asks for more!

03.25.09 at 12:40 pm

KD's185

These two are both pretty benign compared to the rest of the field. I have to go with Frottage because it seems like a gateway fetish to rape.

03.25.09 at 12:42 pm

Zack

Death by snu-snu!!!

03.25.09 at 12:47 pm

Robut M. Nixon

@Travis:

You’re right to be afraid. A friend of mine was frottaged a couple years ago on the Red line. If you see a creepy-looking homeless guy in red sweatpants walking around, move to another car.

03.25.09 at 12:53 pm

Tracer Bullet

Frottage is sexual assault, so that has to be nastier, but I’m disappointed that a win for frottage means no more sexy giant chicks.

03.25.09 at 12:53 pm

dAndy

Close battle here! However, nothing comes close to feco!

03.25.09 at 1:04 pm

Robut M. Nixon

@Christmas Ape

Dumb question: when does voting close/when do we get the results?

Dumber question: is there an updated bracket somewhere, or are we supposed to print it out and track the winners the old-fashioned way?

03.25.09 at 1:06 pm

Christmas Ape

The voting closes after 24 hours, I believe.

I wanted to make an updated bracket at the beginning of the week but some of the match-ups in the first round in the Punter/Caveman regions weren’t done yet. Will try to get one at the end of this week.

03.25.09 at 1:16 pm

Robut M. Nixon

Sweet. Go frottage!

03.25.09 at 1:23 pm

IHateUserNames

Frottage is a great example of how sexual slang evolves, 15 years ago it was a commonly accepted, almost polite, way of referring what we are now calling a “russian”

03.25.09 at 1:39 pm

Nestminder

Gavin Rossdale? Is Gwen 50 ft tall? Or was she so in some video Im misremembering?

I voted for frottage as the weirdest fetish because tall chicks need loving too…especially if they are built like that chick in the Arthur Adams illustration.

Tig Ole Bitties…oh yeah.

03.25.09 at 6:32 pm

porky1

Macrophilia: Baby, it’ll blow your mind.

03.25.09 at 11:49 pm

skim172

I’m pretty sure “macrophilia” isn’t “attraction to tall women,” so much as “attraction to giant women.” GIANT, not just TALL. As in monstrously huge. The size of buildings. Like Jack wedging the Giant Beanstalk up Miss Giantess’s yoo-hoo. If you’re a macrophiliac, you just got off to that image.

Most likely due to unresolved issues or irrational fear of women, makes you picture the ideal woman as some giant, unconquerable force.

And, possibly linked to psychological issues with penis size. Though I’d guess those guys are more turned on by tiny women, rather than giant. In all likelihood, the issues underlying macrophilia aren’t sexual, because it’s physically impossible for an average man to bang a woman the size of a skyscraper in any meaningful way. It’s more likely about conquest and domination over something you see with incredible fear – if you are extremely afraid of women, the fantasy that you could conquer and bring a seemingly invincible woman to your power probably gets you off.

In other words, macros are probably have mommy issues and/or are virgins. Or have a wife who’s incredibly demanding.

03.25.09 at 11:58 pm

Carrie

If a normal (sized) guy were into macrophilia, wouldn’t he have to worry about the whole, his whole body could likely fit in her piche, aspect? Or is that the turn-on?

Non-consensual is the decision-maker for me.

03.26.09 at 9:16 am

Joe McGuire

Macrophilia- Throwing a hot dog down a hallway!

03.26.09 at 12:04 pm

John Whorfin

weak matchup, but being a creepy stalker boner-perv is marginally nastier than wanting to trampoline on some two-ton titties.

man, if you’ve ever played around in the upper-alphabet cup sizes, you know that there’s no such thing as too much titty