After losing weight and going from obese to fat to fit my family says I am too skinny. My family is using every opportunity to tell me that I am too skinny, I am not eating enough, being skinny is not healthy, skinny is ugly, I will get sick if I lose more weight and keep up exercising(!!??). So how do I deal with family like this?

Imagine this scenario: family gathering, family members sitting around the table stuffed with food, eating. Then suddenly grandma turns to you and says:

– Sweety, you are eating like a bird. Here, have some more potatoes!

Your plate and mouth are full of delicious roasted chicken, and while you are trying to swallow that bite of Brussels sprouts and start explaining that you are eating right, your father joins the “conversation” and says:

– Eat more! Skinny people are ugly!

You finally swallowed that bite and start defending yourself by telling them that as they can see, you are eating. In fact, you were chewing when grandma turned against you. Plus you are not skinny, but fit. There’s a difference. And you start flexing your muscles to prove your point. All this, while your husband quickly goes into supportive mode and starts explaining that your weight is in the normal range. You cut his sentence in the middle to inform everyone that if they remember, not long ago you were obese. You worked hard to lose weight in order to look like this. This ain’t no accident.

But they seem like they hear what you are saying but anything that you say does not convince them that this is healthy. For them, you are way too skinny. They loved the fat girl, not you, the fit girl.

Now imagine this scenario repeating itself every Sunday. For the past 8 months. Sunday family time equals living in hell.

Sounds familiar? Then keep reading to find out how to deal with family (or friends) saying you are too skinny when in fact you’ve lost weight and went from obese to fat to fit!

Some of my favorite things my family says to me after I’ve lost weight and went from fat to fit are:

1. “We are concerned about your health”

“Here, have my pills, they will make you healthy fat again.”

That’s right, my overweight and obese family members are concerned about me not taking care of myself. My family and relatives with diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, indigestion problems and obesity are giving me health advice. Yeah, I should definitely follow their advice – if I want to end up with those kind of health problems. The thing is: I don’t. It was my main motivation to start living a healthy lifestyle and start working out regularly to avoid all of the above mentioned health problems that I’ve seen my family members struggle with.

Polite reply while dealing with family:

– Thank you for your concern, but I am fine. I have never felt this good in my life before. I am energized, focused and I sleep good. In fact, I have my latest blood test results with me as a proof that everything is okay with me. Care to check?

They never check.

Angry reply while dealing with family:

– I just had my blood test results back. My doctor says I am in top shape! How are your results?

Trust me, they’ll never ask you about your health again.

2. “You look too skinny”

It’s like you can do nothing about becoming fat, but being fit or how they call it, “skinny” is something you should be fixing – by eating more!

Polite reply while dealing with family:

– I am fit, not skinny. And I worked hard for looking like this, it didn’t happen by accident. I want to look like this.

Angry reply while dealing with family:

– I think you look a little heavy.

Just be prepared that they will get offended, because the social norm is people thinking it is okay to call someone skinny, but telling them that they are fat is considered really rude. You won’t get more comments about being too skinny. Though very few people in your family will like you after that.

3. “Are you still on that diet?”

“See? Orange juice is better than apples and bananas.”

I regret the day I told my family that I don’t eat chocolate. Every time we meet, they have to double check if I am still not eating it. So I started eating it around them.

Not to mention my husband and his keto diet. Family just don’t understand what eating bad means. For them, bad food means that it is spoiled. There is no such food in their dictionary that will make you sick, unless it’s rotten.

A diet in my family’s head equals strict dietary limitations, staying unrealistically thin and depriving yourself of the foods you love. For them, you are not on a healthy eating plan, you are dieting. And it can’t be kept up in the long run.

So what to answer when they ask you if you are still dieting?

Polite reply while dealing with family:

– It is not a diet, I am eating healthy. I developed healthy eating habits for long term. This is a complete lifestyle change, not a 12 week eating plan.

Angry reply while dealing with family:

– Do you believe it is healthy to eat even when you are not feeling hungry? Did you know that hunger is the body’s way to let you know that it needs nourishment?

My overweight family believes that I am way too skinny – for them being overweight is normal. Sometimes it seems to me that in our society, where most people are overweight, being overweight is the new norm. Being fit equals being too skinny.

If your family’s constant remarks bothers you, then you need to learn how to deal with family. Try explaining them the reasons of why you choose to live a healthy lifestyle, and be sure to tell them how you feel better now that you are working out regularly and eating healthy. If this doesn’t help, then do what I did: shut them up by threatening them! I told them that if they keep bullying me, I won’t visit them anymore. Never heard a bad remark again.

6 thoughts on “How to deal with family saying I am too skinny after losing weight when I am actually just being fit”

I am pretty thin. 5’5″ tall and between 110 and 112 lbs. My family thinks I’m too thin. I’m not; I have a small frame.

In the summer I say, “It all comes back in the winter.” And they seem content to wait and see if that’s true. If they comment on my weight in the winter I say, “Thank you, I’ve actually gained a few pounds.” It’s not true, but they seem content that I’m heading in the “right” direction.

Also, everyone reads statistics that the average woman is a size 14 or something. Just because half of all people weigh more than that, doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

I’m 5’1/2 and my weight is between 110 and 115 most of the time (still growing, thus it changes often). I’ve been trying very hard to eat better and exercise more, which I’m doing good at, but every time I go to my grandma’s house she looks disappointed and says I’m much to skinny (then going through a ten minute attempt of trying to get me to eat a ton). In addition, my mom and nana have joined in on many occasions, both getting worried and having me eat more even when I’m full. When I got my sister on my side, however (she says with absolute honesty that I’m on the chubby side, but I am healthy), the worry went down drastically. So, in short, my advice would be to at least get one person on your side, it helps.

I can relate to this. I’m a male, 5’11” and currently 208lbs. I originally weighted 300lbs and after a lot of not so fun dieting I managed to get down to 160lbs where of course everyone went from saying “you’re too big, it’s not healthy” to “You’re too skinny, it’s not healthy”…Anyway after all that hard work I just said screw it and gained back a bunch of weight which is where I’m at now at 208lbs, It seems a lot harder to lose it a second time around.

Im 18, 5’3″ and i’ve been going back and forth from 140 to 139 for about 2 years so ive been a steady weight for a while! My mom AND grandmother always pushed me to loose weight and now that have my my mom tells me im too thin and That need to eat. I went to the doctor and took blood and said I was fine. So its just frustrating to hear my mom say one thing then when i do that and actual feel good about myself she says the other and makes me feel like ive done something wrong

I recently had my brother in law come stay with us for a couple days. Just recently I found out that he was telling people “oh yeah, she looks like sh*t”. I have been extremely sick for 2 years and have had to completely change the way I eat. I’m actually back down to a healthy weight for my size (5’2″ 115lbs). Previously was 140lbs. Hearing that after all I’ve been going through was extremely hurtful. People are ignorant. Just ignore them!

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Welcome

Hi, I'm Christina Marky, a former obese girl who lost 28 kg/62 lbs and kept it off. This is the spot where I give help with emotional issues that arise after significant weight loss when your body changes. I believe in healthy weight loss, reasonable exercise, and true lifestyle change. You can learn more about me here.

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I am not a doctor or registered dietitian. Everything I've written on my blog is from my own personal experience and should not be used as medical advice. Before starting any new diet and exercise program please check with your doctor and clear any exercise and diet changes with them before beginning.