You’ve just met a guy. He’s cute, kind, treats you well—but he’s not a Christian. You know what the Bible says about dating unbelievers, but you’re pretty sure you can make it work. After all, the guy is willing to go to church with you, and is even okay with your faith. He just doesn’t share it. What’s the big deal?

The “big deal” is your heart and future. If you’re wondering if it really matters if you date an unbeliever, I’m so glad you’re reading this post!

God’s Command Is for Our Protection

In the Old Testament, God’s people (Israel, and those who followed God through Israel’s example) were told not to intermarry with “people of the land.” This was not a racist statement. It was because the people of the land, in that day, worshipped pagan gods. God’s warning not to intermarry with the Canaanites wasn’t meant to be limiting. It was meant as protection.

In the New Testament, Paul reissues the same command in the verse we’re so familiar with: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14) This applied to ALL intimate relationships with unbelievers—best friendships, but more importantly, marriages.

God doesn’t tell us not to marry unbelievers because He’s unfair. He does so because He is all wise. He knows the end from the beginning, and unequal yoking almost always ends in pain:

Solomon: “As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been.” (1 Kings 11:4) Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, allowed the desires of his heart to lead him into sin. His marriages to women who did not know or worship the one true God led him away from the Lord.

Samson: “I saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife.” Then his father and his mother said to him, “Is there no woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people, that you go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” (Judges 14:2-3) Samson, the strongest man on earth—set apart for the Lord’s purposes—desired a relationship with an unbeliever more than he desired to obey the Lord. The result was pain to his first wife, to himself and to Israel. Others were affected by his decision to disobey God.

The examples of these people from the Old Testament should motivate us to listen to God’s wisdom. But some of us need further proof. One of the primary reasons unequal yoking is so dangerous is that marital intimacy—personal, emotional and sexual—is founded on spiritual intimacy. When two people do not both submit their hearts to Christ, they cannot share the same definition of love, sacrifice and commitment. The person who does not submit to Christ can never understand what unconditional love looks like. Not only will he be unable to share in your eternal inheritance, but he will also be unable to share in the joys of a unified marriage that glorifies God. When believers try to make unequal yoking work, they’re not just cheating themselves—they’re cheating the person they are with. That person is being told it’s okay to live without Christ; that they can be in a relationship with a Christian without having to follow the Lord.

You Are Not the Only One at Stake

That last sentence reveals the saddest part of unequal relationships: We are not the only ones at stake. The unbelieving partner needs to come to the Lord apart from the Christian. While a Christian person can have a good influence on an unbeliever, they should not be the “bait” to persuade someone to Christ. Following Jesus must be a personal decision.

Think longer term, too. If you marry an unbeliever, your children will very likely be born into a home in which one parent does not follow God. When two parents do not share spiritual priorities, it not only tears at their marriage; it hurts their children as well.

It matters greatly if you date an unbeliever. Honor God, protect yourself and help your unbelieving friends by refraining from a relationship with them—at least until they come to the Lord of their own volition.

Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.

4 COMMENTS

It does matter. If he isn’t a Christian, why would you marry him. If you are not going to marry him, why date him. Hey, why date anyway, courting is much better. Then you will find out if he is truly a Christian.

So, to those who are struggling with dating a non-believer, or even considering persuing in a relationship with non believer, here’s my story.

I was 18, at the time, (I’m 21 now) and started talking to one of my crushes in HS, we got to know each other and ended up wanting to hang out. Being that my church was awesome, and my pastor was super cool with it, I had invited him to a Super Bowl Party at my church one night.
Later, I found out he wasn’t religious, and he told me he wasn’t into the whole church thing. Although he got along super great with everyone, I thought I could change him, and hopefully to convert him when he was ready. But it was wrong of me to try and change someone who doesn’t actively seek God’s mercy with his everything. Because if he can’t seek God with his whole heart, how could he possibly love anyone else with everything he has?

But the problem with a non-believer/believer relationship is that although you might have things in common (IE: Favourite shows, books, or in my case, theatre.) In your heart, you know that he will not really be matched in every way for you. That he would not have the same thoughts in mind about your relationship, your goals, and eventually marriage. For that, I think God pushes two people apart further, the more that they stray further from God with their intentions of that relationship. Even though it may seem that they might be “the one” picture this, would you be okay not having that support when you need prayer/spiritual comfort? Would you be okay with fighting over your religion throughout your relationship? Would you be okay with not being equal in every way spiritually, and not sharing eternal paradise together? It’s a tough situation to be in. Believe me.

We ended up dating, and it probably wasn’t the greatest idea to do, knowing his stance on religion. Things moved too quickly, and he tried to pressure me into a physical relationship, even though I wasn’t ready for it. That was my breaking point, I couldn’t handle the fact that I would’ve let God down by giving in, and losing the blessing of having a partner who promised to God, and our family that he would be only mine forever. Thankfully, I have God to thank for putting me into that situation because it made me stronger in my faith, my trust in Him, and continue to search for my God given equal placed on this earth.

So, continuesI was 18, at the time, (I’m 21 now) and started talking to one of my crushes in HS, we got to know each other and ended up wanting to hang out. Being that my church was awesome, and my pastor was super cool with it, I had invited him to a Super Bowl Party at my church one night.
Later, I found out he wasn’t religious, and he told me he wasn’t into the whole church thing. Although he got along super great with everyone, I thought I could change him, and hopefully to convert him when he was ready. But it was wrong of me to try and change someone who doesn’t actively seek God’s mercy with his everything. Because if he can’t seek God with his whole heart, how could he possibly love anyone else with everything he has?

But the problem with a non-believer/believer relationship is that although you might have things in common (IE: Favourite shows, music etc.) In your heart, you know that he will not really be matched in every way for you. That he would not have the same thoughts in mind about your relationship, your goals, and eventually marriage. For that, I think God pushes two people apart further, the more that they stray further from God with their intentions of that relationship. Even though it may seem that they might be “the one” picture this, would you be okay not having that support when you need prayer/spiritual comfort? Would you be okay with fighting over your religion throughout your relationship? Would you be okay with not being equal in every way spiritually, and not sharing eternal paradise together? It’s a tough situation to be in. Believe me.

We ended up dating, and it probably wasn’t the greatest idea to do, knowing his stance on religion. Things moved too quickly, and he tried to pressure me into a physical relationship, even though I wasn’t ready for it. That was my breaking point, I couldn’t handle the fact that I would’ve let God down by giving in, and losing the blessing of having a partner who promised to God, and our family that he would be only mine forever. Thankfully, I have God to thank for putting me into that situation because it made me stronger in my faith, my trust in Him, and continue to search for my God given equal placed on this earth.

Don’t give up. Keep searching, stay fast in the Lord, and he will guide a friend, a co worker, or even you directly, to the love of your life. If you need to talk, I’m here, let’s reach out. And God bless. ?

Hey Reign-priceless,
I am in a similar situation to what you were in before. I am dating a guy I have liked for three years and I thought he was on the right track to becoming a christian (even though I knew he wasn’t quite there even though he made a profession of faith). I haven’t been in a relationship for long (about a month) and he hasn’t tried to make the relationship physical or anything but he is refusing to try to strengthen his relationship with God. This is really concerning me. I am afraid that if I break up with him that our relationship with friends will be awkward (because we have the same friends in and out of school) and that he may stop coming to youth group or even church in general. I don’t want to end the relationship but I know that I should have waited before dating in the first place. How can I encourage him to pursue a relationship with God without putting stress on the relationship and how can I not be so upset when he refuses to pray or study the bible or have anything to do with God in general. I know that honestly the best thing he can receive right now is prayer, which i have been praying for three years for him because he is one of my closest friends but I am really stressed out about my decision to start dating. Anyways thanks for listening to my rant and if you have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. I wish I would have seen this article a few months ago before we started dating. Also thank you for your courage to share your article to girls who are struggling like me.

Project Inspired

We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!