One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.
They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their
creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck
in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman
fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing
had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it
out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU
BASTARD!!!!"

Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under
Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin
you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the
prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man,
being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him
on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and
crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced
to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something
on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the
German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison
guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came
to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.
Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you
like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went into a pub for a pint of Guinness
one day. After being served a fly landed in each of their pints and stuck
in the creamy heads.
The Englishman pushed his pint away from him in disgust and proceeded to
order another pint.
The Scotsman simply fished the offending fly out with his finger and proceeded
to drink his pint as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, eyes wide with anger grabbed the fly and held it over his pint
shouting
"SPIT IT OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty,
dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp
bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their
cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put
aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the
Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey.
He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims,'' may the English
and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The English
man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted
over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies:
'' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Garda get here!''

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go
on the helter-skelter when an old crone steps in front of them.

"This is a magic ride," she says. "You will land in whatever you shout out
on the way down."

"I'm game for this," says the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter
shouting "GOLD!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom
he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.

The Englishman goes next and shouts "SILVER!" at the top of his voice. At
the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.

The Irishman goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts
"WEEEEEEE!"

Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under
Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin
you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the
prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man,
being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him
on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and
crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced
to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something
on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the
German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison
guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came
to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.
Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you
like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".