September 2014

Having discovered that I must (apparently) be charged for a cup of tea even if I only want hot water, I’ve enjoyed several months of tragic fun on the early train to London.

Me: ‘Hot water please’Trolley person: ‘You know I have to charge the same as tea don’t you’
Me (faux incredulity): ‘Really?! Whys that?’They: ‘It’s just the rules. Mad isn’t it’

…at which point we agree its mad, laugh, and having bonded over the ridiculousness of the world continue on our way, satisfied. (Yes I know s/he calls me a tosspot when they pass the guard)

On Tuesday, a pleasing variation.He: ‘Complementary drink sir?’
Me: (world thrown out of orbit) ‘Wha?! Since when?’ He: ‘Recent sir. Good isn’t it. Tea, coffee or hot chocolate sir?’
Me: ‘Fantastic, yes. Oh, just hot water please’ He: ‘I’m afraid I’ll have to charge you for that sir’
Me: *James Finlayson face* or (for the youngsters) *Martin Freeman in The Office face* He: ‘I know sir, corporate nonsense gone mad innit. It’s only tea, coffee and hot chocolate that are free’
Me: *lightbulb* ‘May I have tea please…with the tea bag and milk separate please?’ He: ‘Oh very good sir, very good. I like it sir. Of course you may. No charge sir’
Me: ‘Fantastic, thank you’ He: ‘You should be asking me whether you can gave a refund for that unused tea bag and milk sir’

We laugh a polite little laugh, and he moves on, doubtless to quietly call me a tosspot when he passes the guard, and everyone’s happy.