Tag: Learning

Wow – we miss all of you guys a lot!!! Friends, co-workers, family everybody. That has been the hardest part of this trip; definitely harder than any of the mountains we’ve climbed, or the questionable beds we’ve slept in, or the lack of showers. I miss each of you individually, but I’ve come to realize that I also miss community in general, having people.

I read an article once that talked about the most reliable factors to predict the happiness for an individual. Unbelievably, the most reliable factor was if they had a friend that lived on their block. It shocked me at first, but then I thought about some of the most content and happy times in my life and it was when I lived next to door to one of my best friends, Angie Jacobus. Rick and I talked about it and decided that, had Will and Angie not moved to another area of Dallas, it would have been a much, much harder decision to sell the house, and leave to travel the world… it might not have happened at all.

Not to say “It’s all their fault,” but maybe a little 🙂 Beyond just having friends, there is huge value in proximity – being located physically close. I mean Skype calls are fun and everything but it’s a lot more fun to meet the Carpenters up at Whole Foods for tacos after work. To be part of peoples lives on a daily basis, and have them be a part of ours.

We’ve been thinking about this and discussing it for the last few weeks and noticed a few things. First off, God created us to want community and calls us to seek it out. Secondly, even taking what the bible says about community out of it, human beings are just more successful when they have their people. Think about the most successful fitness and weight loss programs: Crossfit (group workouts that create strong bonds), Weight Watchers (group encouragement and accountability), even the new 21-Day Fix program is setup to have a coach and a group of others that you do it with. Think about the 12-step programs like AA, they are based on having a group of people that you share with, get encouragement from, have accountability to; there’s human connection.

That being said, we have decided that wherever we wind up living at the end of this trip, one of our top factors, if not the top factor, will be community. Not in the “good schools and nice parks” sense, but a place where we can authentically and deeply connect with people. And that those people live near us. We have been joking about having “meet and greets” with the neighbors, maybe having a “meet for coffee/wine” hour to get to know the neighbors, before we consider renting or buying a house. Community is just that important.

Mentality of More

I have discovered that I have a mentality of more. The answer is always “yes” to more. I didn’t ever notice this back at home, but it’s stood out to me in surprising ways as we’ve been traveling and I think that’s because it’s not the default answer in other countries. I think it’s bit of an American thing.

In America, the answer is always “yes” to more. Why? Because why not. Because I can.

One time it hit me was when, re-packing, for our Annapurna trek, or really any 6+ day trek we’ve done. We only wanted to bring minimal stuff since we were carrying it farther than across town, so we cut down and left the other stuff at a guest house in Pokhara. I had such a hard time paring down. My internal dialogue was going “well what if I want to change clothes? what if that shirt is dirty? what if that top is too warm, but that one isn’t quite warm enough? what if it’s raining, but not that cold? What it’s its raining and cold? What if I want to wear something different at night when we’re just hanging out than what I wore during the day?” I’m so used to “well, why not bring it?” that’s the default. Because I can. But packing for Annapurna was different, because I couldn’t bring it, because I couldn’t carry it up the mountain! And you know what? I was fine. I was great in fact. I was so much happier with less to think about. What if I flipped my paradigm? What if my default answer was “Less! Simplicity! Because why not?” instead of “More! Because why not?”. What if our default was single item, instead of combo meal? What if our default was one car, instead of multiple car households?

How about the simple, minimalist life? No need for decor. No fifty outfits in the closet. Not because I can’t carry it up a mountain, or can’t afford it, or can’t get it. But just because, why should I just get something or have something because I can?

I heard a podcast the other day with the challenge to own less than 100 things. That seems really extreme, but something I’ll be thinking about.

Keep Your Gratitude Higher Than Your Expectations

I have to give Ray Wylie Hubbard credit for that quote. It was a quote that Rick and I liked before we left, but it’s become even more meaningful to us since we’ve been traveling. It seems whenever we go somewhere with high expectations, thinking it’s going to be amazing, we are disappointed. And then I remind myself that really I am just grateful to get that experience, whatever it is. Expectations can be our worst enemy – not just in travel, but in marriage too! And gratitude is such an easy thing to get lost in the shuffle. It’s something I constantly need to focus on to keep it at the forefront. When I spend my energy being grateful, instead of getting all excited and hyping up my expectations, I always end up happier and enjoying that time.

We are very thankful for Scott Kedersha. He is awesome! We are extremely grateful for his per-marital ministry for helping us understand how gratitude and expectations play out in our lives. We’ve seen it be even more prominent as we’ve traveled.

So for Chile, we’re just thankful that we get to go… no expectations. I’ll keep repeating that in my head for the next few days 🙂

After 6 full months of travel here are 6 highlights of what I’ve learned about my beautiful bride, Liz:

1) Girl Can Eat an Apple

She has the most amazing ability to methodically eat every last edible bit of an apple. Quite quickly too, she can turn a perfectly whole Honeycrisp to into nothing but seeds and stem in under a minute. I knew she liked apples going into this trip but had no idea she had such a scientific approach to eating them. I was also unaware of how gracious she’s been with sharing bits with me over the years; my bits clearly didn’t fit into her scientific approach, and were never in the right spot, or the right size. She’s since shared her approach with me and shown me how the appropriate time to ask and take a bit of someone’s apple who uses the Liz method is at the very beginning, that way they can work with and correct your incompetent bites.

2) She is a Terrible Hitchhiker

So recently we tried to hitchhike. Liz was gung-ho about it and thought it would be a huge boost to our budget. I on the other hand wasn’t real optimistic about the our possibility of our success considering we were looking at a 1500km journey, but thought it would be fun to try and a great experience if we succeeded in getting picked up. I knew it could possibly be boring just standing on the side of the road waiting for a ride, but what I wasn’t counting on was how quickly Liz would be over it. Maybe it was the cold. Maybe the wind. Maybe it was that there was nothing we could really do to be “better” at it. Maybe it was the ADD. We lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes before one of us threw in the towel. Maybe we’ll try again down the road.

3) She is the Perfect Date

I kinda knew this about Liz but it’s been on display a lot in the last 6 months. She can fit in any situation. Black tie gala? She’ll be joking with the celebrity Emcee by dinner. Hostel Kitchen? She’ll have a family style barbeque planned for dinner with a bunch of gap-years kids she just met. Fine dinning? She’ll be the one whispering which fork to use (Thanks Cotillion). Ska-Punk Halloween Concert in Bangkok? She’s in the front row singing along. Boardroom? Trust me, you want her on your side. Knife-edge of a mountain ridge in the remote backcountry? She can find a trail.

4) She is Super Thoughtful

Over the last 6 months I learned often just how much she puts me before herself. She’s always thinking about me. She is constantly concerned with my preferences and making decisions in light of what she thinks I would like. It is amazing to be loved like that.

5) She is a Loser

Not that kind! She loses stuff. Surprisingly often, especially for how few things we have with us now. She’s not allowed to hold anything important for more than a minute or two. She gets her passport from me when we walk up to the counter then it goes back in my pocket. She’s gotten better lately, but it is still funny because she still thinks she losses stuff all the time and will get so upset with herself when she just forgot which pocket she put something in.

6) Her Attitude is Weather Dependent

If it’s overcast or rainy you can pretty much count on Liz to be a bit of a grump, or at least fighting off the urge. Blue sky and she as happy as can be. This was a bit of a challenge in Patagonia where the weather changes every 10 minutes. And there is almost nothing you can do to change her attitude in bad weather… except putting her on a horse.

After spending almost every second of the last 179 days with Liz I can’t imagine spending a day without her.

We have been traveling for three months now. As predicted, it feels like it has flown by! When we were preparing for this trip, we thought through what we wanted to get out of it, what we wanted to learn, how we hoped it would change us and grow us. It was intimidating to come up with those big scary goals, and it was impossible to say how we would grow. But almost daily as we are traveling, Rick and I find ourselves talking about something we’re learning, or something we had as head knowledge, but is really sinking in now.

So I figured I would share a few of those thoughts. As I got into writing this, it turned into a MUCH longer post than I initially thought. So I’m breaking it up into a series of them. Here’s the first installment, in no particular order:

1) Stop Spending Your Energy Looking for The Best

You’re better off making the most of where ever you are, than trying to figure out where you should be. I’m really bad at this. Like really, really bad.

I’m learning that with perpetual travel like we’re doing, you are basically constantly in planning mode. It’s very different from a vacation – where it’s super fun to plan, you spend weeks or months learning about a place, what to see, where to stay, eat, what are the “can’t miss” things there. But when that’s everyday, it’s gets really overwhelming and there’s just not enough time. I can’t plan for the next country we’ll be in because I’m trying to figure out where the heck we are right now, what we’re not supposed to miss, where we’re sleeping and how we’re getting from the train station to somewhere that’s not in the ghetto. So if I let it (and sometimes I do), every moment of every day could be spent planning where to go next, what to see – and even if you have time to do any of those “best things” at that point, you have no energy to because you’re beat down from all of the researching.

Confession: I am TERRIBLE about this!! (And if you knew me back in Texas, you’re probably nodding along that I was terrible about this at home too) What’s worse is that I’ve dragged Rick down into this habit with me – he didn’t used to do it – but I’ve brought him to the dark side. And this habit is what starts the majority of our frustration and fights I think.

As I’m writing this, God is definitely speaking to me, “Liz, why do you think you do that?…. Hint, hint, is it because you struggle with control? Is it because you too often forget that I have a plan for where I want you to be and when I want you to be there? Do you forget to trust my timing and hand on you?” Yes, nailed it, God!

You’re better off going to one of the first places you find, it may be mediocre or flat out crappy, but you’ve saved yourself a ton of stress and you actually have energy remaining to enjoy it. That goes from the smallest things, like the restaurant you’re eating at or which temple to visit, to the bigger travel things like which country in Southeast Asia to go to or which island to stay on.

There’s a danger to always looking for, seeking out the best, always trying to figure it out and get to it. I’m an addict though. I always want to figure out what the best option is and go for that one. But it’s easy to miss where you are when you’re mid-super-research-and-planning-extravaganza looking for the best. And certain moments in a mediocre place can be so much more fulfilling, memorable, and meaningful than the time you would spend in that perfect place. Make the most of where you are, instead of looking for the best place – I’ll be working on this one for the next leg of our journey.

2) I Don’t Have To Have It All Figured Out

Actually I only have to have a very, very little bit figured out – Who God is, and who I am to God. Everything else will work out, as long as I’m focused on those two things.

3) Learning What I Like: Mountains, Countryside

Being free to be where I want, having those options, has helped me to realize things I enjoy most. Previously, living in a city, I kind of assumed that I liked getting out into nature, the country, just because it was different that what I saw everyday. But now that we are bouncing around between cities and more rural places, Rick and I have both found that we really like being out in nature much more that being in even the most interesting and beautiful cities. Not a huge break though here, but good to know. I’ve also determined that I’m a mountain person. I’m just happier at altitude and with mountains as my backdrop. Even when I’m at some of the most beautiful beaches in the worldI would rather be in the mountains. I’m looking forward to continuing to learn more of these innate preferences as we continue the journey.

PS – For Rick, definitely countryside over city. He could do beaches or mountains, definitely not as strong of a preference as me, but he leans towards mountains.

…well that’s probably already too long for one post, so I’ll stop there and pick up in another post.