When I heard NBC was streaming over 3,600 hours of Olympics coverage
(that’s 150 days, folks!), all I could think was,
“And I bet they still won’t show synchronized swimming.”

Yeah, yeah, I love the “real” Olympic sports like gymnastics, track and field, soccer
and, of course, swimming. (After all, I live in Baltimore, where they’ll run
you out of town with torches if you don’t worship the totally worship-worthy
Michael Phelps.) But if forced to reveal my Olympic guilty pleasure? Ladies, I
like my athletes tough, buff and wearing way, way, too much blue eye shadow.

Let me be clear: Synchronized swimmers are hardcore athletes. Imagine having to
do a complex gymnastics routine, in perfect time, with eight other chicks. Now
imagine doing that under water and hardly ever coming up for air.

But here’s my favorite part: Unlike gymnasts, who seem to scowl their way
through their twisting double backs, synchronized swimmers are literally scored
on maintaining facial expressions usually reserved for beauty pageant
contestants. It’s an Olympic sport in which contestants are rewarded for
grinning like idiots and wearing glitter. Seriously, check out the sailing
chicks—not a speck of sparkle. And no chance you’ll see Judo done with jazz
hands.

And, yet, my passion for pikes is obviously not universal. Or, clearly, even
shared by three people. Some years, I have stayed up until 2 a.m., praying
things might get a little dull over on the archery course and, by some miracle,
they might show one measly routine. But my hopes were often cruelly dashed.

I can only cross my fingers that this year, with so much online and broadcast
coverage, I will finally be able to get my flamingo fix. Don’t let me down,
NBC.