This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how finances affect their parenting choices. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Sam and I have worked from home throughout our marriage: first telecommuting, and then owning our own online business of DVD sales. I recently wrote out our story at Hobo Mama in Part 1 and Part 2.

As we approached starting a family, we realized we wanted to continue to prioritize working together, but we knew it would take some sacrifices and shuffling to make working from home work with parenting small children.

Here are the pros and cons so far as we coparent a four-year-old and a newborn, and run a family business for our income. This is from our experience and might not reflect your own if you already run a business or choose to begin one, but I hope it gives you some perspective on what it can be like.

Our Marriage

We started working from home by accident, but once we got going, we loved it. We had nine years together as a married couple before Mikko came along (well, he beat our anniversary by one day), and that was nine years of seeing each other nearly all day, every day. When we tell some people that, they groan or shudder, but we still really like the person we married! Now that we have kids and live in a(n increasingly) small(er) space, we’ve made the choice to move some of the work into an outside rented work loft, so Sam and I don’t see each other quite as much as before — but I’m guessing a whole lot more than most couples where one or both partners work outside the home. I totally understand why other couples would choose the work they do and know that not being together as much is a necessary evil in those cases, but I really do enjoy seeing Sam as much as possible and think it’s helped keep our partnership strong.

Coparenting

When we were thinking of having kids, Sam and I knew we each wanted two things: to continue pursuing income and our passions, and to raise our kids. Having a family business has allowed us to divide those goals so we each get a share of both of them. We purposely chose this business in particular (after trying and discarding several others over the years) because it gave us the most income for the least amount of stress, leaving us time to share the parenting.

One Income

Speaking of income, what we earn has been what a single-income family would make, even though both of us have been working. This is often my “fault,” if we can call it that — Sam lets me spend time doing things like writing blog posts, working on novels, and starting websites while he takes on more than his share of the DVD business. That we earn what a single-income family would make is in many ways not a big deal: Plenty of SAHM or SAHD families deal with the same reality. However, sometimes we make the mistake of comparing ourselves (our car, our apartment or house, our travel budget) with dual-income earners we know, and then we wonder why we’ve chosen to be (more or less) poor. But then we remind ourselves we’re trading money for time and doing what we have chosen to prioritize: raising a family together.

Including the Kids

I know this idea might not come across as culturally popular given the let-children-be-children vibe of the modern era, but we’re even looking forward to including our kids in the running of our business. Even now, Mikko helps us put labels on DVDs (which gives inadvertent lessons in reading, counting, and dexterity); once our kids are old enough to perform small tasks faithfully, we can legally pay them wages, which they can put away into a savings account for future education or use as their spending money (hopefully, both!). We’re not going to force our children to work for us — we’re merely going to present it as a matter-of-fact part of our lives as a family and invite them to participate as they wish.

Minimalism

One of the cons of running a home business is finding space for the business in the home, particularly if your business requires a lot of stuff. As a retail business, we have 10 boxes or more a day coming through our door, and I was overwhelmed by the clutter in our two-bedroom home. If you’re choosing a business, think wisely about your space constraints. Moving most of the boxes and packing supplies into a work loft has been a great solution for us so far, though it has its downsides as well (increased cost and decreased convenience).

Time Management

One of the biggest perks of working for yourself is that you can work whenever you want. It’s also one of the biggest downsides. When we tell people we work from home, we often hear, “I don’t have the discipline for that!” My standard response has been, “Were we supposed to have discipline? Oh, that‘s what we’re doing wrong.” Some people can be very regimented about having specific starting and stopping times for their business hours. Those people are not us. Sometimes we goof off and work too little, and sometimes we think we’ll do “just one more teensy thing,” and then it’s six hours later and everyone’s cranky because we all forgot to eat or play or look up from the screens in front of us. It’s also a common scenario for family members and friends to take advantage of your flexibility by assuming you can take vacations to visit or be visited whenever they want — and it’s a temptation to give in. So, either you have to be very disciplined to be your own boss, or you have to learn to live with and work around the fact that you are not that disciplined.

Work Environment

One piece of advice I hear from every work-at-home guru is “Don’t work in your pajamas! Have some self-respect and put on nice clothes every day! Even shoes!” I want to proudly be the lone voice saying, Wear pajamas if you want. That’s one of the perks of working from home, dang it. If you meet with clients or work out of the home in some other fashion, of course you’ll have to set your own standards. But I have some very comfy lounge pants, and that’s my work uniform. It doesn’t make me less productive, and only the UPS guy ever sees the slovenly me.

Distractions

The downside of the work environment being at home can be all the calls to do something else even if it’s the time you’ve set aside for work: play with the kids, start a load of laundry, sort through the closet, turn on the TV… I sometimes have to leave the house for a bit to write somewhere else, and as I said, we’ve recently rented a small work space that’s mostly procrastination-free.

Green Impacts

Working from home is very eco-friendly. Every year the city tax form I have to fill out asks me to list every worker’s commuting miles. Every year I’ve gleefully been able to state that we have none. With our office, four miles away, we now will have a bit to report. But it’s still a greener option than many job situations, and we don’t have to consume as much in office clothing (see above), staff donuts, or endless paperwork.

Uncertainty

If you’re the boss, there’s no one taking care of you. Many entrepreneurs have fluctuating incomes (we certainly do), which can be stressful when a family’s livelihood is at stake. We went through very lean times before we had kids. We were willing as adults to live on Ramen for months, but I’d feel conflicted about bringing my children into so much uncertainty. However, we continue to have problems at times meeting our bills and, as with many retail businesses, often count on the holiday buying season to save our bacon for the year as a whole. There’s a definite element of risk involved in living without a salary. Sam and I have to buy private health insurance for our family, and it’s pretty terrible coverage for a high price. We also have to fund our own retirement accounts, and we get no paid maternity or paternity leave, no paid vacations, no paid sick days, and no worker’s comp should anything go amiss. We try to save to afford our own safety nets, but things are always a little iffy in this lifestyle. I do our very complicated taxes, and I represented us (successfully) in a state audit of our excise return. We’d love to be able to afford expert help in areas like that, but for now we’re making do.

Social Stigma

This isn’t a huge one, but we have felt some prejudice from friends and family members over our choice to start our own business(es), generally when we weren’t doing well. You have to be strong in your own motives to pursue a business, and willing to stick with it through the months or potentially years it takes to become solvent, let alone successful, or — conversely – willing to know when it’s time to try a different path.

Quality of Time

Just because we can choose when and how much to work doesn’t mean we always make the best choices. I sometimes (always) find it very hard to balance being a parent and homemaker with being a businesswoman. It’s the same balance that any working parent faces, but with an added sense that as a WAHM, I should be able to pull it off if anyone can, since I’m home all the time.

Childcare

That leads into the next point, that just because we work from home doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t like or need help with childcare. One of the main reasons we sent Mikko to preschool was to give us two half-days a week to concentrate on our work. With him out of school (due to separation anxiety issues, among other things), we now have to reevaluate how we divide childcare duties among the two of us. I need Alrik, the baby, to stay close at this point since I’m breastfeeding, although occasionally I can pump a bottle for Sam to give him. For most families with an entrepreneur, it’s a much more common scenario for only one parent to work from home, in which case childcare (whether that’s occasional babysitting, in-home care from a nanny or mother’s helper, swaps with other parents, daycare or preschool, mainstream schooling for older kids, or other options) might be a necessity, not a luxury. Some parent-proprietors can squeeze work into naptimes and evenings, but a lot of businesses need extra commitments of time that call out for help managing the two sides of a work-at-home parent’s life. There are some tasks Sam and I can do with kids underfoot, but there are others that demand quiet and uninterrupted concentration, and that can be difficult to come by.

DIY Life

In general, Sam and I love living life on our own terms. Having worked from home for 13 years, and for ourselves for eight, we can’t imagine going back to working for someone else (though, if it became a necessity for our family, of course we would). The very uncertainty that keeps many people from starting their own family businesses is what keeps us in this life. It feels as if we’ve deschooled our own job and career expectations and now know that working can be what you make it, and that you can find a way to work that enhances your family life. It’s a challenge to make and continually refine a work and childrearing balance that honors the needs of every member of our family, but we’re happy with what we’ve come up with so far.

In the end, we’re glad we were semi-forced into working from home and then finding our own sources of income. I know the financial risks and the difficulties of juggling parenting with working don’t appeal to everyone. If you’re thinking of starting a home-based business, research it thoroughly and go into it with your eyes open … and then, enjoy the adventure. It will change you in ways you never imagined.

Have you ever considered starting your own business, or do you work for yourself already? What appeals to you most and what most unnerves you about the thought of being your own boss?

Belonging in the Countryside — Lack of money led Phoebe at Little Tinker Tales towards natural parenting, but it also hinders her from realizing her dream.

Total Disclosure and Total Reform — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl gets down to the nitty gritty of her money problems with hopes that you all can help her get her budget under control.

Save Money by Using What You Have — Gaby at Tmuffin is only good with money because she’s lazy, has trouble throwing things away, and is indecisive. Here are some money-saving tips that helped her manage to quit her job and save enough money to become a WAHM.

Money, Sex and Having it All — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains how she’s willing to give up one thing to get another. (And just for fun, she pretends to give advice on how to build capital in the bedroom.)

Money could buy me … a clone? — With no local family to help out, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama wants childcare so she can take care of her health.

Spending Intentionally — CatholicMommy loves to budget! Join her to learn what to buy, what not to buy, and, most importantly, where to buy.

New lessons from an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a follow-up guest post from Sam about the latest lessons their four-year-old’s learned from having his own spending money.

“Making” Money — Do you like to do-it-yourself? Amy at Anktangle uses her crafty skills to save her family money and live a little greener.

Money On My Mind — Luschka at Diary of a First Child has been thinking about money and her relationship with it, specifically how it impacts on her parenting, her parenting choices, and ultimately her lifestyle.

Spending, Saving, and Finding a Balance — Melissa at The New Mommy Files discusses the various choices she and her family have made that affect their finances, and finds it all to be worth it in the end.

Accounting for Taste — Cassie at There’s a Pickle in My Life shares their budget and talks about how they decided food is the most important item to budget for.

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26 Responses to Parenting While Owning a Home Business

I would *love* Tom to work from home, and I’d be more than happy to go into business with him. It’s just a matter of 1) figuring out what would work financially and 2) making that happen. At this point, he’s not quite motivated to make it work, but it might become a necessity in the near future :/
I’m sure I’ll be begging you for advice if/when the day comes. Thank you for sharing your experiences!!

That would be so exciting for you! I agree, figuring out the business is the first step. (Well, ok, getting Tom on board is the first of the first steps!) But the good news is, you can always change businesses if the first isn’t working out — as long as you don’t overinvest in it. We started off small and experimented.

It’s a refreshing change to find a couple who love to spend so much time together. DH and I are together 24/7, we have been for the past 13 years and it totally works for us. It takes a special kind of partnership for that, right?

Lauren, this gives great insight into the wahp life. I’ve often wondered how your manage it together. It sounds a challenging but rewarding choice.

My husband works for a big internet company and is able to telecommute most days. This doesn’t mean he’s available, but it does mean I can ask for a break during the time he eats lunch or takes a few minutes here and there to refresh. It also means he works more hours because work is always right there.

I also have two awesome sitters that we hired while I was recovering from PPD. It is eating into our savings, and I will have to let it go at some point.

The downside to having us both home is the added, sometimes contradictory, opinions during the day ;p

I totally know what you mean about working more hours when the work’s there, as your husband does. It’s such a temptation to never unplug and turn fully to “home” time.

And yes, when having both parents home, it can take some energy when kids are bouncing off both in turn! If Sam is watching the kids downstairs and I retreat upstairs to do some writing, when his back is turned, Mikko’s up the stairs like a shot. Sometimes I have to leave and go to a coffee shop instead.

I’m glad you’ve had some breaks from both your husband and the sitters. I wish (and hope) we can find some outside support that works for Mikko and for us, and that you can find a way to continue it if or when you need it.

I can totally relate to enjoying being with your spouse all the time! When Jaymz and I were both (unintentionally) unemployed for a while, we had a great time together. I wish he could work from home more, but I’m glad it’s at least an option when things are really difficult for me do navigate solo. Thanks so much for writing about this, Lauren. It was very interesting to read your perspective!

We are not considering a home business per se, but my Partner is 15 years older than me and he will be eligible to retire with a very good pension in just a decade. At that time we intend to invest in a small farm and work together with our children to raise vegetables to sell for a small income. It’s an exciting goal, and one that I know we can manage, because we won’t have to depend on the farm for our entire income.

I admit, I’m quite amazed at the history of your long marriage and how you came to run a home-based business. And being together for 9 years pre-kids!!!??? I think we were together for about 5 minutes before our first daughter was born–and we might not have known each other’s middle names yet! LOL!

I really enjoyed working this. I’d like to convince my partner to work from home too and am in the midst of devising a business plan that if it works might just tempt him! I’m not sure we are such a devoted couple to enjoy spending all that time together but life is simpler and easier on the weekends when we can share the responsibilities of our home and parenting so that’s a good start. This was a great insight into the highs and lows.

I love working from home but we’re so lucky to have our parents coming over to do childcare four days a week. I don’t know what we’d do without their help.

It’s so nice to get to spend a few minutes with my daughter here and there throughout the day. I only wish I could spend more time with her! And both my husband and I wish he could be around more often. It’s hard for him to have to leave us on weekday mornings.

Thanks for a great article. You expressed the joys and challenges of working from home in a way that is so easy to connect with.

Thanks for sharing some of the nitty gritty, this was all so interesting to me! I really see how appealing the benefits of an at-home business is, now, too. I I’d like working with my husband but I honestly can’t think what that venture would look like, at all. We are SO different in terms of work-habits and interests sometimes. Ha!

I worked from home for 8 years. I started out contracting work from one main client, then added a few others. Eventually business dropped off too much and I got a job outside the home. By then, my daughter was in 2nd grade.

I was so thankful for the opportunity to telecommute. My biggest challenge was that I had to man phones at some times and customers were NOT to hear a baby, that would sound unprofessional.

Income was originally quite steady, but as my main client’s business dropped off, my hours were cut.

Still, I have a goal to work for myself on the road. And I’ll probably jump into it blindly when the time is right… because that’s how I do.

I can NOT do my own taxes, though. It scares me to death. I won’t even do my PERSONAL taxes!

That would be tough to have absolute quiet with a baby in the house. Even when I call customer service, they always end up commenting on the din on my end of the line…

I bet you will jump into it with gusto. That’s how we did it, too, though it’s not the way I recommend — you know, for prudent people. Hey, whatever works, though, right?

I’d like to fob my taxes onto someone else. Although, at this point, I think it would be just as much work to hire someone to do it. Maybe if I get my accounting more automated — or can afford someone to do our accounting, too! Here’s something I wrote about taxes that sort of pertains to why I prefer DIY taxes for us: http://www.hobomama.com/2011/04/authority-and-taxes.html

Oh, and I like my husband, too! We spend most of our waking hours together. I can not imagine what it would be like to be married to a trucker! I’ve talked to women who’s husbands were only home for a couple days a month and they said that this was exactly why their marriage worked. Oh, I couldn’t take it!

I know it! When Sam & I were engaged and telling people we were going to work together after marriage, we mostly got negatively joking reactions, like, “Oh, that will never last,” or “Our marriage would never be able to stand that.” Sam & I were pretty dang sure we’d be OK with working together — and we were right!

I had the opportunity to work from home for close to two years and really enjoyed it (and SO second working in your pajamas! Oh – and my bed was my desk lol!). But I did find myself working many more hours than I would at a ‘normal’ job and really hated the self-marketing aspect involved in what I was doing…

When I first started working from home I had a really romanticized idea of it, but in many ways it is really hard – you’ve pinned the advantages and drawbacks down to a T here! I appreciate the realistic picture you’ve given.

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