Pornstars: They’re Just Like Us!

Johnny writes that he met an attractive fellow while waiting on him at a restaurant. (Hold up. Johnny waits tables? Makes us want to sit at one.) This fellow gave Johnny his card. A few days later Johnny rang him up. They made plans for later that week. The day before, Johnny called and left a message to confirm. The fellow never responded.

For any of us, this sequence of events is all too familiar. But the similarities end there. See, Johnny’s response is to become “perplexed” and “outraged.” He demands to know: “Now what kind of idiot would screw up a date with Johnny Hazzard?”

As for us, when we get stood up, we sigh wistfully and tell ourselves, “Well, that’s what you get. You’re ugly. Maybeline is wrong. You are not worth it. Ugly! Worthless! Ugly! Worthless!” Then we have a sobby masturbation sesh and upgrade to Marlboro 100s.

Flake-outs are painful. What can we learn? It happens to the best of us. Flakes are facts of life. It’s not in his kiss, it’s in his call. And most of all, as Johnny writes in the title of his post, “Judge Not the Horse By His Saddle.”

You may want to brush up on your reading comprehension skills. That post you wrote about features a byline other than Johnny’s, which could understandably be overlooked; however, Johnny is referred to in the third person throughout the entry. As a very dull side note, the freaking text is also color-coded to indicate the author.

And by the way, the Maybelline slogan is, “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline”. L’Oreal is the company that used the phrase, “Because I’m Worth It” in their commercials.

I'm not one for bragging about intellectual accomplishments (it's something I learned from, you know, graduating with honors from Brown University), but Conner Habib is justifiably excited about his blurb in a book written by Carl Sagan's son.