Feelings would get ruffled from time to time

THE first rule in a relationship is that you cannot give what you do not have. This naturally means that you have to develop your personality and self worth to get a heart that matches your dream.

In addition to this, you must also love yourself before you can truly accept love from someone else. Unfortunately, a number of people do not work on themselves and expect that the heart they are falling in love with would walk in and fill in the emotional gaps. Developing a strong sense of self worth will help stabilise your relationship and you will experience greater peace and fewer conflicts. On a daily basis, hearts that are meant to be together fall apart never to be mended again. Others are actually sitting on an emotional bomb that may explode any time from now. Why is it easier to extinguish love flames instead of keeping the flames alive? Interestingly, experts believe that a happy relationship is made up of two good forgivers. Being imperfect and flawed human beings, there would always be a time when we deviate from the emotional plan and we offend or hurt our partner. Look around and you would find emotional plans and strategies that have been muddled up by one or both parties.

The crux of the matter is that feelings will get ruffled from time to time and that is why it is better to have an open mind as well as forgive one another. It is wrong to go around looking for reasons to feel offended, and when it happens we don’t want to assume that it was intentional. Forgiveness builds peace. Holding a grudge and making someone feel guilty destroys that peace. To maintain peace in your relationship, master these two life skills and be the mature emotional candidate.

One way to stay on top of the emotional game is to listen with your heart. For instance, hearing what someone says is not the same as really listening. When we listen to someone who is important to us we should do so with the intention of hearing what they really mean, even if the word choice isn’t perfect. Listening is vital to good communication, but this requires that our motives be sincere. Conversations can easily fall apart if we are looking for an excuse to take offence at what is said or start picking apart the word choices. Listening with your heart means being motivated by a desire to understand the thoughts and feelings of your partner for the good of the relationship. It also means respecting them enough to listen without being judgmental or reading meanings to simple gesticulations.

People who are insecure when it comes to making friends are usually scared of what other people might be thinking. When you do that, you are making it all about you; but making friends is about a connection between two people. If someone doesn’t seem interested in making friends immediately, don’t take it personal because there could be any number of reasons for their response. Maybe their life is upside down right now. Since you don’t know, why take it personal?

Always remember that in the beginning of a friendship, everyone is on his or her best behaviour. But making friends usually takes time. Sure, there are times when people seem to bond instantly, but that is the exception, not the norm. So, when making friends, don’t expect too much too soon. Give them some space and let things unfold in a natural way. One of the most important features of beginning a new friendship is to not be scared or overly self-conscious. When making friends, there is a tendency to make assumptions on what another person may be thinking. A guy may think: “I’d like to go over and talk to her, but she probably wouldn’t be interested in making friends with someone like me.”

Meantime, she is thinking: “I wonder why he never talks to me, he’s probably just not interested.” When making friends, avoid making assumptions. How can you possibly know what the other person is thinking? Remember, you don’t know them. Why not take the initiative to start a conversation and see what happens?

The path to forgiveness is easier to find when there is a sincere apology pointing the way. If you blew it, say I’m sorry. Don’t let your pride get in the way. A genuine, heartfelt apology can go a long way toward keeping peace in your relationship. Life is short and an apology costs you nothing. So, be willing to do the right thing for your relationship, instead of propping up your ego.

People who are on the same team, who love and care about each other, don’t need to be defensive. Listen compassionately when your partner expresses their feelings. They are not trying to attack you; they are just trying to tell you how they feel. Don’t treat their expressions as criticism. Listen with acceptance and a genuine desire to understand their needs. This is not a power struggle, it is a conversation. When your partner expresses their feelings and needs, it’s about them not you. Accepting that you are both on the same team will help you resist the urge to be defensive.