Open: A Take On Open Relationships

“Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people” Will explains.”So sometimes we have the discussion: “Wow, this or that girl is freaking gorgeous”. I’m not going to say anything to my buddies that’s any different than what I say to my wife.”

Will said that if he ever comes to a point where he can’t resist having sex with someone else other than his wife, he would want to first get approval from Jada before even thinking about cheating on her. “If it came down to it, then one would say to the other: Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now I’m not going to do it if you don’t approve of it,” he says. “In our marriage vows, we didn’t say “forsaking all others”. We said, “You will never hear I did something afterwards”. Because if that happens, the relationship is destroyed.”

Will confessed that he doesn’t know if he would accept the fact that Jada would want to be with another man. “I don’t know how I’d feel,” he confesses. “But I know I would react better than if I found out about it afterwards.”

Another famous couple very open about their open marraige, Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis:

Ossie: “It occurred to us, from observation and reasoning, that extramarital sex was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it — that was the culprit. So we decided to give ourselves permission to sleep with other partners if we wished — as long as what we did was honest as well as private, and that neither of us exposed the family to scandal or disease. We had to be discreet and, if the word can be apt, honorable in our behavior, both to ourselves, to whomever else might be involved, and most of all, to the family. And for the most part, we were.”

Ossie: “But looking back, I’d say no matter what did or did not happen, we freed each other. And in doing that, we also freed ourselves…Sex is fine, but love is better. That’s the most important part of being free. In light of what we learned, is extramarital sex something we recommend as a regular part of marriage? Not now…not anymore. Not since AIDS has entered the equation, and genital herpes, syphilis, and other veneral diseases…”

Ruby: “But, we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like a rediscovery of something from the beginning. It’s not something that you’d recommend to everybody. But often Ossie has said – and I’ve though too – the best way to have somebody is to let it go. If it doesn’t come back you are free in another kind of sense – in that you find the strength to let go and wish somebody well. So, we thought an open marriage was appropriate for us but it turned out not to be. But then that’s what we’re all about, we are moving from one position to another in the process of trying to unravel this thing call life.”

And what about Mo’niques interview with Barbara Walters about her open marriage…

Mo’nique: “Let me say this: I have not had sex outside my marriage with Sidney. Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal-breaker. That’s not something that would make us say, ‘Pack your things and let’s end the marriage.'” She also says it doesn’t matter how many times he does it: “What if it’s 20 times? So what? We’ve been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don’t know who they’re laying next to. I’m very comfortable and secure with my husband.”

Men are pragmatic and think with their dicks. Women are idealistic and think with their hearts. – Sexie Sadie

(Great article, read whole article here) Having never entered into the realm of an open relationship, I can say this with absolute certainty; If your partner is not willing to be 100% honest about how they feel about having an open relationship, this option is definitely not for you. Their lack of honesty now will most definitely show up later on and only lead to the demise of your relationship later.

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4 Comments

i am not emotionally mature enough to handle an open relationship in a marriage… we do it when we are dating although many try to fool themselves into believing otherwise… but something about marriage makes me… hmmm… possessive i guess… can’t say that i’d be all that willing to share

Wow. I’m surprised that this is my own Alumni magazine and you didn’t include my husband and myself who are in an Open Marriage of 16 years. We both graduated from Howard (1996 and 1997) and we have been in the news media for many years about the subject… We are experts in the area of love, relationships and open relationships. We’ve written 14 books and 280 articles on the subject. The article was good and needs more info about open relating… do contact your alumni, Love Guru’s Carl and Kenya – find us here http://jujumamablog.com/media/ WOW!

Kenya, I can understand why you were not included in this article. You are so very arrogant and rude. Your own opinion is the only one you can see and you totally dismiss anyone who disagrees with you. When you were on Dr. Phil show, you were infuriating . Not because of your message, but because of the way you tried to take over the show, talk over everyone else , and downright laugh at what others tried to say, your flippant attitude is shameful and a rotten example to your kids.

@lc: Thanks lc for commenting. There is no right or wrong opinion, just yours and we love to them! Thanks for sharing.

@Kenya K Stevens: Kenya I am so glad you commented on the site. Definitely didnt mean to exclude you, just didnt know you were out there! I have been to your site and loved the interview with Monique. Your relationship background is amazing and we will definitely reach out to you and your husband for a follow up article!

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