Now before anybody gets all “ditch the cat,” let me remind you that Mary once dumped a very promising boyfriend because he didn’t share Mary’s passion for seafood. And I’m betting Libby has no problems chowing down the chum. What’s more, Libby doesn’t seem to be allergic to Jeff, does she? So who’s at fault here, really?

If this gets any better I may wet myself.

On the Fastrack, 11/30/18

Dethany cruelly taunts co-workers who died of starvation.

Mark Trail, 11/30/18

Ol’ Sleepy-Eyed José is sounding sketchier by the minute: “Um, guys, those kids you asked me to take to Santa Poco? Well, we all got there, but they’re not with me anymore. They’re in some kind of trouble; don’t ask me what exactly: maybe they stumbled onto something? Certainly no murderous motorcyclist knife-throwing gang leader is chasing them across rooftops — that’s ridiculous, why did I even bring it up? Anyway, get up here quick — and by “here,” I mean a place I’ll call and tell you all about later!”

But Professor Carter will take any excuse to abandon his rest-stop-men’s-room headquarters for a ride in that sweet diesel crew-cab, with the air turned up to blast away the urinal-cake smell.

Guys: find yourself a girl who looks at you the way Dethany looks at donuts.

About this Post

120 replies to “Honestly, stopping the action in Spider-Man isn’t much of a power to begin with”

What The Funky: That isn’t what the kids are calling it, Funky, and it’s not what the district attorney’s office calls it either.

Festering Wordflay: It is at this point that Funky is thrown out of the gymn, permanently.

Fetid Whattasnore: No, Funky, you are running at the same pace she is. Please have a heart attack or something.

Floundering Weasels: The only draft is the one whistling through Batiuk’s ears.

Judge Cratered: This is the same false friend who accompanied you on your fool’s errands, saved your neck and didn’t fire you? Cripes, Needy, how entitled are you when that doesn’t qualify someone as a true friend?

Mark Trail: The 2019 Tonka Double-Two-by-Four! For those big-boy adventures when you should be whomped upside the head with a couple of two-by-fours!

Mary Dearth: “And I never mentioned this before because I thought we lived in a cat-free world!”

Mary Mirthless: “No, I mean, what’s the matter with you, Jeff, blowing mucus all over your sleeve like that!”

Mari-kari: “And as a doctor I have no idea how to alleviate the symptoms of a common allergy!”

The Menaced Phantom: “I know I’ve been here over ten months, because I used up all my fingers. And there are other big numbers, but I forgot that trick you showed Dad about counting with all your toes, too.”

Cracked Magazine’s Phantom: “And can you send me some new jeans, Keds and polo shirts? I can’t wear what the natives wear, because those robes and slippers make me look as big a girly-girl as Heloise!”

Scratchy’s Shadow Scrotums of the Week
Zerowolf RMMD: And based on the test results so far, here’s a list of funeral homes that have group discounts.
Guillermo el Chiclero FC: No, Billy. I’m going to start building your oubliette. Look that up in your Funk and Wagnall’s.

Baka GaijinMary Worth: Oh God, this could be good. Mary starts shooing the cat off the bed. Libby, hissing and spitting, ejects far more urine than one would think a small kitty could contain onto Mary’s handmade quilt. Hijinks and high stinks ensue.

Scratchy’s Shadow Scrotums of the Week
McManxDennis the Menace – For once, just this once, I chuckled at today’s Dennis; his mistaking “cursive” for “cursing” was childishly comical. But realizing Dennis must inject some form of menace into everyday situations, I foresee a wave of profane graffiti soon to appear across his neighborhood, all in nicely formed script.

TheDivaMW: The Ask Wendy column has never been more witty or insightful.

Scratchy’s Shadow Scrotums of the Week
BigTedMary Worth: I bet Mary will regret setting up one-click ordering on Amazon when 20 cases of cat treats show up at her door. On the other hand, she can just serve them like her usual brown squares at the next pool party, and no one will know the difference.

Schrödinger’s DroopyRex Moron, Missing Daily: Enjoy the barfing, Delmer. It will give you something in common with the readers.

Connie LingusH&L: Have we ever seen Suzy before? Suddenly this girl is Dot’s obsession? I predict this romance will flame out, lesbian bed death will quickly set in, and we’ll never hear of Suzy after this week.

Little Blue BicycleMW: That’s the most erotic non-Esme strip in MW history: a kiss and a waft of cat scratch fever. Jeff must be humming Rod Stewart ‘s “Tonight’s the Night.”

Spider-Man: The colorists seem to be having a hard time dealing with the fact that one of these characters is African-American and the other is purple — as portrayed here, the difference is subtle at best. I prefer the way the “Jessica Jones” Netflix show handled him. He wasn’t purple, but he was British, which is close enough.

Mary Worth: Dr. Jeff is going to get addicted to some kind of hospital-strength allergy pills, which he’ll take in an attempt to stand being in Mary’s dander-reeking condo during each of the seven times a year he goes to see her. Then Mary will have to nag him back to health, and the circle of love will continue.

Family Circus: The new security alarm went off in the middle of the night because Mommy was “walking in her sleep” again (as in, glug-glug-glug).

Dennis the Menace: “Is that your teacher, Dennis? She’s pretty — maybe too pretty. That’s it, you’re changing schools before your father gets a load of her. If anyone is going to be his trophy wife, it darn well better be me.”

MW: Hmm, I’m getting this strange feeling of deja vu…
Also, wow, allergic to both cats and dogs, what a sad life Dr. Jeff leads.

JP: Neddie’s acting like Ronnie didn’t stick with her through a bad breakup or something, not through, like, getting involved in a criminal espionage conspiracy. I think it’s pretty understandable to bow out there.

Luann: I can understand not celebrating Christmas, but Les is acting like he’s wholly unfamiliar with the entire concept.

MW: “I already know about your cat allergy, obviously. This isn’t our first date. But you can’t shut out everything in life, because when you shut out the allergenic, you shut out the non-allergenic too! Oh, I also made peanut brittle.”

JP: …I see. Some of you might want to skip this comment. Fair warning.

…

…

…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, NEDDY? YOU CALL RONNIE A FALSE FRIEND WHEN SHE STOOD BY YOU THROUGH THE LITERAL VIOLENT FELONIES YOU COMMITTED? YOU DARE TO CALL HER A FALSE FRIEND BECAUSE SHE ASKED FOR SOME SPACE AFTER YOU NEARLY GOT HER FUCKING KILLED BY A FUCKING HITMAN? HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPECT FROM PEOPLE? AND WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EVER DO FOR RONNIE, YOU SELF-ENTITLED SACK OF EXCREMENT? AND WHY, , WHY, WHY DOES NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPEN TO YOU, YOU AWFUL WOMAN?

Ahem. Oh, that Neddy.

MW: Pack your things, Dr. Jeff. You know full well that Mary has zero loyalty to anything other than her whims, and right now those whims have whiskers and one eye.

DtM: Wait! You mean Alice has never seen Dennis’s teacher before? I know they like to let him “free range” but it seems cruel that they just dropped him off alone on the first day of school and let him find his own class. “Menacing” is apparently hereditary.

MW – Of the possible outcomes I was considering, I was really hoping for ‘Libby has issues with men,’ but now we get to watch Mary try to choise between Dr. Jeff and Libby. Mary, Libby will never intriduce you to a ‘character’ like Gropy Ted. Just Sayin’.

ASM: Oh, great. Another fighting game gets an overpowered Control mechanic. Seriously, dude, did you come to play the game, or just stall it out until your opponents quit out of boredom? Sheesh.

MW: Dr. Jeff’s allergies seem to be more along the line of heavy sneezing rather than asphyxiating throat-closing. That may be one more reason to avoid cats, but it’s hardly a reason to recoil in terror just because one’s in the same room.

OtF: I’ve never actually read this strip before, but I’m having a really tough time coming up with a context that makes this scene make any amount of sense

MT: Man, just look at the loving detail on that truck. Pretty soon, Mark Trail will drop the animals altogether, and instead tell us about all the different varieties of Dodge Rams, or explain how a Jeep attracts a mate.

MW: I know exactly what Mary’s going through. My dad was diagnosed as allergic to our two cats when I was a kid, so we were forced to….keep them out of my parents’ bedroom and bathe them occasionally, while dad took medication that alleviated the worst symptoms. Honestly, it was a little extra work but hardly the traumatizing dilemma this strip will no doubt make it out to be.

9CL: How can we make this Gilbert and Sullivan thing even more insufferably pretentious? If you guessed “add Thorax,” you’re right!

C’shaft: Your humor is sophomoric, I’m sure that counts.

DT: Smooth, Ballpark. Real smooth.

FW: “I know it looks like I’m being creepy and dangerous, but really I’m just being a lovable schlub!”

JP: Neddy is like one of those people who’s been divorced four times, or my late uncle who always complained about receiving terrible customer service. At some point you just have to look at the common denominator.

Luann: I’m a huge Christmas nerd and basically immerse myself in garland and twinkling lights from the day after Thanksgiving to Twelfth Night, and I think Gunther need to be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.

Phantom: Nice try, Kit, but Mom and Dad aren’t going to let you come home early from camp.

Hey Sid! Is that truck in Mark Trail taking a spot that should have been held for one of your clients? I would have thought you had an exclusive deal for all the foregrounds in that strip. Or do you also work on product placement?

MW: I have a cat allergy because of that I would never buy one for myself but I have no problem with visiting a home with cats. (I almost wrote cat house there.) There is no way Mary would let her condo smell of cat.
MW: I do like the concept of Mary running a cat house.

Rusty is undrawable. The human hand and eye rebel at the mere thought of his true visage. The closest that any mortal can come to capturing his likeness is the simulacra featured in the strip, which — despite being deeply unsettling — are lovely when compared to the frightening geometries of the true Rusty.

JP – Neddy throws Ronnie under the bus after she supported Neddy through all of Neddy’s criminal behavior. I now loathe Neddy as much as I loathe Sophie.

Why is Ces writing this as if we should sympathize with Neddy?

Crankshaft – Speaking of writers who think we should sympathize with and root for a character – Lillian is the old bat who, when she was a young bat, ruined her sister’s life. I don’t think anything she does is sweet or endearing. Lillian can rot in hell as far as I’m concerned.

BigTed
November 24th, 2018 at 9:30 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Meow!” (Translation: “Geez, lady, could you shut up for five freakin’ seconds? I need to find your closet so I can pee in your shoes.”)

Charles Nelson, Really!!!
November 24th, 2018 at 10:56 am Reply
Mark Trail Mix: And at that moment in the tiny dusty Mexican town of Nobeardedman’sLand was born the legendary ToucanMan…his nose always knowing, his arms always flapping. And with his faithful companion Jose Joe aka The Sleeper fought for the rights of the underprivileged and less bird like people everywhere. Who knows what stinky evil lurks in the hearts of men? The ToucanMan knows…

I speak Jive
November 24th, 2018 at 1:49 pm Reply
Rex Morgan: During the mob widow and Sarah’s book deal stories, I used to rant that Rex Morgan was a medical strip and should be telling stories about medical issues. Who knew that medical issues could be so boring? A kidney transplant is as uninteresting as shredding medical files and organizing file cabinets.

Schrödinger’s Droopy
November 25th, 2018 at 4:01 am Reply
Nary Worthit: I look forward to a week, at least, of Mary discovering just how contrary our feline overlords can be. “You want to record me doing something cute, lady? Sorry, it’s time for me to sit here motionless for the next six hours!”

Charles Nelson, Really!!!
November 25th, 2018 at 6:36 am Reply
Slylock Yappy Fox: Max will do his usual nothing and wait for Sly’s long resessed vulpine instincts to tell the great detective to knaw off his own foot. Sly is regretting his many Mark Trailian speeches about the before times.

TheDiva
November 25th, 2018 at 7:33 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary approaches a cat the same way she approaches everything else, by lecturing at it until things work out the way she wants them to. If ever anyone deserved to have a dead mouse deposited on their pillow at three in the morning, it’s this woman.

Artist formerly known as Ben
November 25th, 2018 at 5:03 pm Reply
Mary Worth: If you don’t want us to scan the comic for vaginal symbols you might want to think twice about starting the party with a Freud quote.

Ukulele Ike
November 26th, 2018 at 5:03 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Also, I just don’t want her hanging around and breathing our air. She is such a loser.”

Danielakiiki
November 26th, 2018 at 9:33 am Reply
Mary Worth: Now Mary, you should have realized that when you asked Libby to entertain you by cosplaying as Alex from A Clockwork Orange she’d eventually want some Moloko plus. With any luck it’ll sharpen her up and you’ll get a taste of bit of the old Ultra Violence.

Thelonious_Nick
November 27th, 2018 at 6:08 am Reply
Okay, Karen Moy, you win. If someone had asked me a week ago if I wanted to read a Mary Worth arc about her adopting a cat, I would’ve said they were out of their effin mind. But this, this is golden. Libby and her catty passive-aggressive trolling of Mary is a thing of perfect, unblemished beauty.

Mikey
November 27th, 2018 at 6:14 am Reply
Six Chix: Well I guess that answers the age old question, ‘Does a bear fuck bejeweled bears in his wife’s bed?’

TheDiva
November 27th, 2018 at 6:24 am Reply
Six Chix: So we’re just going to pretend those Gollum-like long-fingered claws on Papa Bear are completely normal ursine anatomy, then? Okay.

Charles Nelson, Really!!!
November 27th, 2018 at 7:35 am Reply
Zits: A “perfect” history class for Jeremy apparently includes killing Charlie Brown by cutting him in half and eating Froot Loops out of his hollowed out midsection.

Voshkod
November 28th, 2018 at 6:19 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Just off-panel, The Lord, Our God, enrobed in radiant fire, smiles weakly. “Friends, sure, kid, but best friends forever? I mean, I’m an immortal all-powerful being here, and you’re a kid in diapers. I’m gonna hang out with Vishnu and Nyarlathotep for a bit. They get it.”

Guillermo el Chiclero
November 28th, 2018 at 7:34 am Reply
Luann: “Leslie, did you make fun things when you were little?”
“Yeah, I once made a kickass bong out of Uncle Al’s penis pump.”

Damia
November 28th, 2018 at 7:46 am Reply
Hi and Lois: “Have your human ‘friends’, mortals,” thinks Trixie. “Gorgoth the Sun God will scorch all of you just the same on the Day Of Divine Atonement”.

Foodar
November 29th, 2018 at 4:40 am Reply
Phantom: The monks took a vow of non violence…their fighting skills have long atrophied, but pops wanted to build your confidence after getting your butt kicked by your sister all those years.

McManx
November 29th, 2018 at 6:27 am Reply
Phantom: I’m seeing a trend here for “The Phantom”… the daughter emerging as an strong and effective crime fighter; the son, emasculating into comedy relief; and the father receding into the background, but still very much the authority figure. Oh good Lord! The Phantom is turning into “Charlie’s Angels” with Heloise as the Angel-Who-Walks, Kit as her goofy Bosley, and the Phantom as the unseen head of the agency.

Guillermo el Chiclero
November 29th, 2018 at 7:44 am Reply
Phantom: So Ghost Who Engages in Child Abuse runs an underground fight club using underage minors for his personal entertainment? Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

stepped pyramids
November 29th, 2018 at 8:29 am Reply
You’d think that Six Chix, what with each artist only having to do one strip a week and all, would manage to artistically surpass drunken scribblings on a bar napkin.

seismic-2
November 29th, 2018 at 11:08 am Reply
Mary Worth: Today we finally learn why Dr. Jeff has stayed with Mary all these years, in spite of her repeatedly refusing to marry him. Jeff never can quit Mary, because she gives great earlobe.

Anonymous
November 29th, 2018 at 3:44 pm Reply
Spider-Man: You know, this storyline is going to confront Spidey with his most improbable foe; a person who can force another to do whatever he wants. Will Spidey’s complete indolence nullify the Purple Man’s attempts to make him do his bidding?

Voshkod
November 30th, 2018 at 6:37 am Reply
Man, Spider-Man’s reboot of The Great Grape Ape Show has taken a really dark turn.

Charles Nelson, Really!!!
November 23rd, 2018 at 9:27 am Reply
Plungers: You’re a Plugger if people routinely greet you with “Didn’t you die ten years ago?”

Charles Nelson, Really!!!
November 23rd, 2018 at 9:42 am Reply
Crankshaft: Did Cranky pick up the turkey and munch it side to side like an ear of corn?

Charles Nelson, Really!!!
November 23rd, 2018 at 10:01 am Reply
Mark Trail Mix: Those kids! They put a Fun Size box of Froot Loops in that guy’s backpack and now they’re just following the toucan’s nose! This plan has Nancy Drew written all over it! The Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Mysteries was sponsored by Kellogg’s after all! It all makes sense!

Decima Dewey
November 23rd, 2018 at 11:46 am Reply
MARY WORTH: Saul knew there was no hope, that he would succumb, like the rest of Charterstone, to Mary’s will. Before he did, he arranged with the animal shelter to deliver the Cat From Hell to Mary. He can no longer understand his revenge, but revenge is his.

Poteet
November 23rd, 2018 at 11:43 pm Reply
LUANN: I’m well beyond hate-reading this strip. Is there such a thing as white-hot-loathe reading?

//Comment of the Previous Week Made Far Too Late to be Worth Listing. Kudos to L’esprit de l’escalier for naming this category.

Uncle Lumpy
11/26/18
Mary Worth,
We all know how this ends: petty annoyances add up until, in an orgy of blood, Mary murders her cat.

Followed, of course, by two weeks of chatty self-congratulation, platitudes (“People say ‘curiosity killed the cat,’ but now I know better!”) and a closing quote from Albert Camus: “As if the blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world.” And then a pool party!

Voshkod
November 26th, 2018 at 8:03 am Reply
@I speak Jive: Mary Worth: Some advice for Mary – get a spray bottle full of water and spray the cat in the face when it gets on the counter. The cat will be annoyed and jump off the counter. Granted, after a few seconds it’ll jump back up on the counter, but Mary will feel better.
———————————————————————
Why use water? Liquid catnip will keep the cat sufficiently stoned to stay off the counter. Hyrdofluoric acid will reduce the cat to a natural liquid state, and it can be then kept off the counter and in a sponge. Elk urine will annoy the hell out of the cat and make the apartment smell like Wilbur. Lots of options!

Sequitur
November 27th, 2018 at 1:12 pm Reply
@lumaca morente: Mark Trail: Am I the only one who thinks Mark looks particularly fetching with that lightning-bolt shaped scar down the side of his face?
———————————————————————
That “lightning-bolt” was suppose to be an Aztec marking. Never get a tattoo from a drunken Mexican in a cheap bar.

Shrug
November 29th, 2018 at 9:56 am Reply
@Foodar: Mark Trail: Mark: “He said they were in Mexico, but wouldn’t say where.”
———————————————————————
“I think I’ll start looking for him in Albuquerque.”

Chance
November 25th, 2018 at 12:27 pm Reply
There once was a sextet of, um, “chix”
Who had the talent of a bag of bricks
Their wording was drivel,
Their pictures were scribble
And yet somehow published their schticks

Marty Worthless
November 30th, 2018 at 5:54 am Reply
Mary Worth: Saul’s plan is working. Take him for a phony ride to the tire store and take him to the pound instead.
Ha!
He will call up the pound and talk to the volunteer he has been sharing his dachshund with. She will get Mary to take Stinkball, who will never get adopted ever, and have it ruin her life.
Break her crystal swans, chase away Dr. Jeff, sit on her keyboard, oooooo that darn cat. It will drive Mary up a tree.
When Saul sees her moping around the Charterstone all mopey and sad, he will chuckle to himself, “Meddle with me sister, you will face my wrath.”

Special Extra Extra Long-form Shadow COTW

Jihadi Colin
November 25th, 2018 at 4:19 am Reply
Flylock Socks:

Long had Mack the Mouse brooded. The delicious trash left from human picnics, the succulent taste of fallen fruit, the gourmet delicacy that was a rotting piece of fish…all those had been as nectar and ambrosia to it, and all were now as elusive. Ever since Rocco Da Raccoon had been run out of the Big City by Slylock Fox and had re-established his criminal empire down in the river country, the mouse’s life had been one long tale of misery.

Rocco Da Raccoon! The very sound of the name sent shivers down the spine of almost anyone who had ears. Why, even Sssssusssssan the snake, who had no ears, confesssssssssed herssssself terrified of him. The birds has to hand over half their food as protection or he would take their eggs; Sssssusssssan had to give him a frog every morning. As for Mack….why, he was just the size to make a mouthful for Rocco Da Raccoon, and, believe me, the foul furry felon had never lost an opportunity to remind him of this.

“Youse!” Rocco would say, each time he saw him, which was every day, for Rocco used a rock on the north bank of the river as a throne where everyone had to pay his protection money; and Mack’s home was just under it. “Dis is a nice burrow you got here, wit’ babies inside an’ all. I can smell ’em. Whadda pity if tonight someone got hungry and felt like diggin’ for some mouseflesh. Huh?”

And Mack would tremble, for inside the burrow was his girlfriend Mara and their brood of babies, Mick, Muck, Mary, Missy, Millie and Marky. If Rocco Da Raccoon got diggin’, nothing could save them.

“Something has to be done,” Mack thought. But what?

In all the river country the undisputed King was Absalom Alligator. All day the royal reptile would bask in the sun; in the evening he would heave his monstrous mass into the water and go a hunting. Absalom had no fear of Rocco Da Raccoon; he, indeed, had never even heard of him.

“It’s time he heard of him, then,” Mack decided.

Scuttling to the edge of the water, he watched from hiding the slumbering shape of the lordly leviathan, waiting for signs that Absalom was about to wake. Just as the king was beginning to move the tip of his titanic tail, Mack took a deep breath and began.

“Youse!” he squeaked, in an imitation of Rocco Da Raccoon’s city accent. “Dis is my turf now. Youse got a permit to lie on dat mud all day? It’s my mud, and youse gotta pay for da privilege, see?”

“Three fish every day,” Mack shouted. “Deliver dem to da rock on da north bank.” Without waiting any further, he raced back through the trees and to the rock – the very same rock that Rocco Da Raccoon used as his throne and beneath which Mack had his burrow. As he had anticipated, the foul felonious footpad was squatting on the rock, and perked up as soon as he saw the racing rodent.

Red Greenback
November 24th, 2018 at 10:12 am Reply
Spider-Man: “He’s being devoured by a mound of radioactive mashed potatoes!! That will give him the proportional strength of Idaho! We must act swiftly!”

Jihadi Colin
November 25th, 2018 at 12:58 am Reply
Annoying Spider-Man: Pee Pee’s inspiration for a welcome party for good wife is a six year old child’s birthday party?

Zerowolf
November 25th, 2018 at 7:46 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Don’t make me pull this hospital over and take that kidney back!

Peanut Gallery
November 26th, 2018 at 6:05 am Reply
Mark Trail: “Oh sure, you think you can trust a guy, and then the minute your back is turned, he starts eating your soft, leathery eggs.”

Ettorre
November 27th, 2018 at 2:15 am Reply
Mary Worth: The great philosophical question of our time: what happens when the unstoppable nag meets the unnaggable object?

Liam
November 28th, 2018 at 2:59 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I suddenly have this urge to get a volcano lair.”

TheDiva
November 28th, 2018 at 6:33 am Reply
Mary Worth: Five minutes later, Mary finds a hairball in her slippers and hurls Libby out the window.

gkl
November 29th, 2018 at 6:48 am Reply
Mary Worth: And, in a blissfully short story line, Mary adopted a cat, hated it, came to terms with it, grew weary of it, cooked it, and served it to Dr. Jeff, all in less than a week.

Tonya
November 29th, 2018 at 8:48 am Reply
PHANTOM: Oh my gah! There has GOT to be a “summer leisure wear” version of that Phantom costume. Tank top and thong bottoms maybe? Leave the mask on, if you insist!

Ettorre
November 30th, 2018 at 3:42 am Reply
Mary Worth: As we all expected, Jeff is allergic to Mary’s pussy and it makes him uncomfortable. He had not found it out yet because he was not allowed to come close to it before.

GeoGreg
November 30th, 2018 at 7:05 am Reply
Family Circus: “Who keeps setting off the burglar alarm?” “Not Me!” *cut to Not Me cleaning out Mommy’s jewelry box while they try to shut off the alarm*

@jroggs: #22-on JP: Could be worse. Woody Wilson could still be running the show and Neddy would be accepting an Oscar for her screenplay. On the other hand, Wilson would’ve put an end to this rogue agency Spy vs. Spy crap a long time ago and would’ve gone back to the usual main characters gloating over giant checks.

@Noel: #16-on Luann: Even a space alien who just landed here a week before Thanksgiving would have a full understanding of Christmas by now. Hell, CBS just did their annual airing of Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer. That would’ve explained it all.

I’m kind of on Neddy’s side here. Ronnie repeatedly beat a man unconscious after breaking into his house, likely causing brain damage that would have been fatal if he hadn’t been murdered by someone else a short time later. Would you want to hang out with someone like that? The repetitive, stalkerish texting (she’s literally writing the same phrase over and over, like in “The Shining”) is even more disturbing. Whatever her other traits, Ronnie is not a safe person to be near.

MW: Oh no! Well, maybe Jeff can figure out some way to get some sort of magic potion to ingest that would help him around Mary’s cat. Maybe from one of the conjurers that live under the pier? Mr. Alora? I’m at a loss.

MW2: Can’t wait for the strip later with Jeff sneezing under the covers in Mary’s bed.

Pluggers: While I don’t consider myself a Plugger, I do get annoyed when I buy a dress shirt with no pockets.

Pluggers: “Pluggers never, ever buy a shirt without pockets.” I don’t understand why this is. Do Pluggers not have any pants with pockets that they can use? Is that it? JEEZ, PLUGGERS! TRY WEARING SOMETHING OTHER THAN SWEATPANTS ONCE IN A WHILE!

Hey, thanks to Unca Lumpy for keeping the funny flowin’ while Josh is vacationing in Bangalla, and to BakaG and ScratchyS for keeping up with the COTWs. I would say more, but some idiot’s cat jumped on my keyboard and vq;lr;qij afj sdou fdsklaj tendervittles afdp ajfdl.

Plus, he has an unlimited script pad at the office. He has been using it for Viagra scripts, but has more than a lifetime supply left. Someday Mary will say yes, and he will be able to have an erection that lasts weeks upon weeks.

Mandrake the Magical Coffeecake: “I’ve been soaking in Calgon till I was all pruny, and ate York Peppermint Patties, till my face broke out, Mandrake! They didn’t take me away! Madison Avenue lied to me, Mandrake! What’s the point of returning to civilization?”

LUANN: So this holiday stuff taking four days to put up is “just part of the jolly”. Is Gunther going to be as cheerful during the four days after the holidays to get all this crap taken down and boxed up for next year?

MW:Jeff: I can’t be around this cat, but I know you couldn’t bear to be without her, so I guess this is it for us.Mary: No, really, I only took her in so the shelter would think I was nice. I could…Jeff: Sorry, Mary! I can’t hear you over the sound of these terrible allergies. I’ll never forget you, though, and now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a plane to Thailand to catch.

OTF: I’ve never seen a bunch of headstones arranged in a circle. They’ve got coffins underneath so it would be pretty much impossible unless they were all bab—WHOA TOO DARK!

9CL: Anyone reading this strip in preparation for a trip to the West will think we’re all intimately acquainted with the works of Gilbert & Sullivan. Of course they’ll also think we’re a bunch of starchy assholes, so one hopes their main reaction in the first few days after landing will be relief. (Also lol Edda forgot where the caps lock is.)

I wish Lumpy wrote the blogs every day instead of Josh. I feel like Josh has really been phoning it in the last couple years, leaning way too hard on Mary Worth and making the same comments every day. Lumpy actually mixes up the lineup and makes fresh riffs. I don’t think On The Fastrack has ever appeared here before.

@GeoGreg: re MT: Yer dern tootin’ that primo foreground spot WAS reserved for the Fabulous Foreground Fauna! Until *somebody* got some kinda sweetheart deal from Big Truck! Yeah, I shoulda seen this comin’ when they hired that tricked-out motorcycle, who soon upstaged his “rider” to become a developed central character. The Gas-Powered Engine cartel hasn’t lost any of its clout, and they’re not afraid to use it!

Yeah, I got loads of indigenous wildlife lined up who coulda starred in that spot – maybe moved the narrative along with their “interpretive” performances. Whaddaya see that big honkin’ Truck doin’? Nothing! The big lug can’t ACT! He’s just sittin’ there – posing like some sort of Status Symbol! Next thing ya know, they’ll be hiring Kardashians!

MW: Jeff: I can’t be around this cat, but I know you couldn’t bear to be without her, so I guess this is it for us.
Mary: No, really, I only took her in so the shelter would think I was nice. I could…
Jeff: Sorry, Mary! I can’t hear you over the sound of these terrible allergies. I’ll never forget you, though, and now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a plane to Thailand to catch.

That was, however, only one of the three or four silliest finishing moves in pro rasslin’ history. I *really* want to see Luke Cage try to take out Killgrave by using the consensus #1 stupidio, Scotty 2 Hotty’s “The Worm.”