I'm still working on this one - if you don't want to be spoiled about UBW-Good, please don't read it.

Well, there are other potential spoilers in there, too. So be warned about them, too.

(EDIT: As with F/TF, I've gone over the early parts of this, to try and fix some formatting issues with parts 1-3. They should read more clearly now, I hope.)

A Moment of Truth - Part 1 [R]

"MORON!"

In an instant, a hand had been curled into a fist, which had proceeded to connect violently with Emiya Shirou's forehead.

A moment later, the red-headed magus was on the floor, out cold, as the sound of a door slamming shut echoed through the room and down the corridor.

All it had taken, was one instant of weakness...

...to ruin a year's worth of friendship.

------------------------------

She was looking through the Clock Tower, in search of someone.

Since she and Rin had found Shirou sprawled on the floor of his room, Saber and the others had neither seen nor heard anything from a person who had become a close acquaintance in the time they had been at the Association headquarters.

Could he have gotten so far already? She was uncertain - but her ability to sense the presence of others, as with her other abilities, had been weakened in the transition to becoming a tsukaima. It was difficult to even summon her weapons or armour, and relying on Shirou to Trace her a suitable blade each time was a relatively poor substitute for the proud she-knight.

He wasn't in the dorms, so Saber crossed into the main grounds of the academy, going from room to room, checking lecture halls, workshops and various offices - but if he had left the grounds, he could be anywhere in the city of London by now.

It was quite unbecoming of him to act in such a manner, as far as Saber was concerned.

However, her search came to an end as she entered one of the smaller lecture theatres, where at the base of the steps leading up to the gallery sat a dejected young man, his face buried in his hands, and with tears flowing down the sides of his cheeks.

It almost seemed like he was shaking.

Saber was about to march over and demand an explanation for his absence, and whether he knew anything about what had happened to Shirou, but seeing him like this gave her pause.

Instead, she decided to sit down on the step beside him, and try a different approach - one which might have seemed unfitting as a knight, but which she had gradually become accustomed to in her new lease of life. "What is the matter?"

Almost as if he had been too far gone to notice her arrival beforehand, his head lifted at the sound of her voice, and he slowly turned to face her, but seemed to be fighting the urge to turn away ? as if ashamed to even look at her, or maybe to see the reflection of himself he might find in her eyes.

"I..." he stumbled to say.

She tried to reassure him. "Take a deep breath, release it, then start again. I can wait."

"..." He didn't know if he could brush the issue away so easily, but he tried nonetheless. His eyes closed, he breathed in and out slowly, and in truth felt more drained than relaxed.

But he was in a slightly better position to say something. "I think I've made a mess of things, today."

So it was him who had struck Shirou.

Yet, Saber was not interested in seeking some kind of retribution - the blow was something Shirou would soon recover from, and given the young man's current state, it was clear that it was not a premeditated strike.

No - something had caused the normally-affable young man to act out of character, and had clearly left him in an enervated state.

And Saber wanted to know why. "So it would appear."

Nevertheless, her tone indicated that she would accept nothing less than a full explanation if he wanted to avoid her wrath.

He turned away, struck by her tone, more sharply than if she had used her fists instead. "I... didn't..."

"Perhaps it would be best to start from the beginning," she said calmly.

Another deep breath. He hated himself for saying it - or for having any cause to... but it had to be done. "When I first came to the Clock Tower, I got on relatively well with some people, and less well with others - the usual routine. The majority of my time in study is away from the lecture halls and classrooms of many of the other students - I'm kept busy with more focused training sessions for my own abilities"

Feh, ability - more like a damned curse."

His curse was his ability to read minds - to see the thoughts and memories of others, and to communicate with them telepathically. It had taken a lot of training and effort to allow him to effectively block out those around him - nowadays he could only see what he wanted to see, which was only what anther person would have wished him to.

He was not the kind to pry in other people's minds uninvited.

"I'm sorry," he apologised for the slight digression. "Anyway, I wasn't expecting to really make a lot of friends here - not least because I would fly back to Dublin every second or third weekend to see the family. But then I started talking to Shirou - I think it was in the cafeteria or something - oh, yeah, we were trading stories about run-ins with that damned Edelfelt woman and her stupid hair. Not literally running into her hair, of course - yikes! But, we got on pretty well. He was saying how he had friends at the Clock Tower, and how he'd be happy to introduce them to me..."

Saber didn't exactly take long to see who was being referred to. "Rin and myself?"

He nodded, slightly. "...yeah. Of course, I had no idea that when that meeting would take place, that it would have such a profound impact on me - and I don't mean the time that we as a group have spent together, the trips we've gone on, the stories shared, none of that... though of course I treasure all of it.

No, the true impact hit me..."

He sighed. "The moment I saw her."

Saber had had her suspicions that he may have felt this way ? but this was the first time that anyone on the group, so far as she knew, had coaxed it out of him. "Rin."

He looked up, and matched Saber's gaze once more. "In that moment, I went through a lifetime's worth of emotion in a fraction of a second. I saw her standing there, her eyes aglow, her easy smile on her face, and I knew right there and then that I would never feel the same way about anyone that I would about her.

And that she was the girlfriend that Shirou had mentioned - and given how close they were, that I would never be able to match that.

And worse, I felt incredibly bad about the whole idea - why would I want to get in the way of such a couple? Am I not the person who is supposed to believe that people should be happy with the person who makes them happy?

And that feelings of love are an illusion unless they are reciprocated?

And that I should have known right there to forget it and move on?

So I blinked, and when my eyelids opened again, I began to do what I could to be a good friend to both of them, and to help them be the best they could be..."

He paused for a moment. "No matter how much it hurts."

Saber could understand all too well - she had spent a life as monarch setting other people's feelings before her own, and even now was stepping back to avoid interrupting Rin and Shirou's relationship.

Even if her role in that time had been a rather... unorthodox one.

"And all this time, I've been able to do so - I suggested that he take her to see Newgrange, and to try and think more carefully about the kind of words or expressions he'd give... you know, to help him be less of an idiot about this sort of thing!" He smiled - ruefully.

"But this feeling, of intense jealousy every time I see them hold hands, or if I picture them in my mind together..." He shuddered, and clenched his upper arms with his hands.

"Are you?" Saber sounded more worried at this point.

"He wanted to ask me... about something. About how to... improve... a certain..." He couldn't finish that sentence. "And he, the fucking moron, he opened his thoughts! I could see... them... together. And I just snapped."

He was shaking even more violently now. "God damnit, is he that stupid! Can he not see how much I can?t stand to hear - or see - that? Or has my mask been all too good at hiding it? Have I done too good a job at pretending I?m not insanely jealous of him, or of the thought of her placing his hands, or..."

He couldn't say that, either. "Gaaah! It's too much, too much..."

He had his own Azoth dagger on the other side of the step beside him - they were handing them out like candy at the Clock Tower these days, it seemed - and he had been resisting the urge to take it in hand and plunge it through his own heart since he first arrived in the lecture hall.

And Saber noted its presence - and how his hand was now reaching for it again.

"Stop!" She reached over in a flash, taking the dagger before his quivering hand could reach it, and placed it on her far side, so that he would have to get past her to take it back.

"Do you think that she would be happy if you took your own life like a coward?" She was angry - very angry. "Do you think that you would be so easily forgotten by us - that the time you have spent as our friend means nothing?"

He shot back, despite himself. "Even if it's all based on a lie? Even if all it takes is one moment for me to show my true colours - for the ugly side of this obsession to reach the surface - to bring the whole thing crashing down?

I... I can't bear it anymore, Saber. I can't pretend that I'm not madly in love with her. I can't go on as if I don't mind that she is with him instead of me. And I can't accept the kind of person that I am because of that. Jealousy, bitterness, anger, helplessness? are these the traits I want to have for myself?

No!

But I can't run from them anymore."

She didn't know what to say. She had no idea that it ran so deeply, and from the first day they met, even. He had been bottling this in, all this time... and to see the two of them together in his own mind - it was no wonder he had reached his limit.

But what were they going to do now? "You... you should tell her. You owe it to her. And you owe it to yourself."

"I can't do that!" he tried to insist, "If I tell her, and she says no, she'll still be with him, and I'll still be nowhere. But, if she says yes, I'll be breaking them up, and have to, for one thing, work out an alternate means of keeping you sustained. And no, I don't want to hear the details?. I've had enough of that in my mind already. But either way, the group we have will be broken."

Saber shook her head. "Surely you know that Shirou would accept Rin's decision, even were she to leave him for you - and Rin is not the kind to take advantage of your feelings by..."

"...turning it into a big joke, and kicking me when I'm down?" He sighed, trying to remember the difference between what he understood rationally and what he feared sub-consciously. "I know... but I still have those nightmares, where I see her laugh at me, and say that she thinks I'm pathetic, or something."

"Is that what you fear?" She couldn't equate his fears with the Rin she knew well - while Rin could certainly be sharp-tongued against those she disliked, she had no reason to be like that towards him. "I do not believe she would think so lowly of you - she certainly has not in the time we have spent as a group. Indeed, I suspect that she is well aware that you have been the one to help guide Shirou over time."

"Shirou..." He was angry - and he wasn't in a mood to hold back. "You know what, it's so ironic - I don?t like thinking highly of myself, and I hate egotists. And yet, I have this idea of the kind of me I'd want to be, who would be worthy, yet not boastful about it. The kind of modest yet effective assertiveness that you carry off so well, Saber.

But when I see them together, all I want to say is that I want to be the best person for her to be with - and when I see how stupid he can be sometimes, all I want to do is be the kind of lover, the kind of partner, the kind of man that she deserves!

But what place do I have even thinking that - if he's the one she's chosen?"

His face had returned to his hands, and he was in tears once more. "And I'm already keeping things from her as it is..."

He had said too much. Another topic he had wished to remain buried. Another promise to himself he had just broken. But he had hardly even noticed.

But she had. "What are you keeping from her?"
Oh, that, he hesitated. "I... I had said to myself that I wouldn't say it..."

"But you will not disappoint me by holding it in, will you?" Checkmate. When she wanted an answer, it was very hard to say no.

And so, he took another deep breath, and started to speak once more. "Do you remember our visit to Fuyuki-shi a while back?"

"Of course." They had spent two weeks at the Emiya residence, meeting up with Sakura, Issei, Fuji-nee and the rest - but they had not all been there together.

"You had left for a number of days to go elsewhere in your own ? and you gave no indication of what had happened at that time." None that she would believe, at least - she hadn't bought his explanation at the time, but reasoned that it was likely a private matter which he would no doubt share if necessary.

"I didn't go on that trip to Aomori and Hokkaido - and I guess I won?t get to see Sannai-Maruyama anytime soon, either." The visit to Tomakonai to see the Oji Paper play the IceBucks had been a lie, too.

"Where did you go?" she asked.

Closing his eyes, he let the truth out. "I went to Misaki-shi, to the Garan no Dou, where I paid Aozaki Tohko 2 million yen... to kill Matou Zouken."

Saber was shocked. She had heard that Sakura's adoptive grandfather, the old patriarch of the Makiri clan, had passed away, but she had not heard how - or why. Even in the 4th Grail War, she had learned relatively little about Zouken, or of the Matou - their representative, Kariya, seemed more focussed on Tohsaka Tokiomi than on the other magi involved.

But for him to pay nearly the equivalent of ten thousand pounds Sterling - money he didn't have - to have him eliminated? it beggared belief.

"Why?" One word, which was able to perfectly encapsulate Saber's wish for him to explain himself.

A pity the answer could not be so easily abbreviated. "The day before I left, I found Sakura by herself in the living room, with a piece of tissue paper in her hand. She had been crying. I sat beside her, and tried to comfort her - to ask what it was that was upsetting her. And then she told me about how... sometimes she couldn't stand being so far away from 'senpai', and was looking forward to him flying in, only to feel even more estranged from him because of Rin. Yeah, it turns out that Sakura's madly in love with Shirou."

Events had not gone quite that way back then, but even now there were aspects of the story that he wasn't ready to admit to - but it was close enough.

Saber had been less surprised to hear this 'news', but it was still a shock to hear it said so openly.

"I... asked her if she wouldn't consider letting it be, and could she not find another man worthy of her affections... and maybe I said something, or did something, I don't know, but the floodgates opened. A torrent of images appeared in her mind, and I couldn't hold them off. And what I saw..."

He clenched his throat with his right hand - the feeling was as raw as it had been at that very moment. "I saw eleven years' worth of misery in the blink of an eye. I saw how much she had suffered through, and how in all that time, he was the only beacon of hope for her. And I cursed myself for not meeting her earlier, for not being able to help her, or to do something... when I realised that Matou Zouken - that monster, the wretched writhing mass of worms, some of which even then were swimming in Sakura's own bloodstream - was not finished with her yet."

The nausea passed, and he turned back to Saber. "I knew that because of his 'nature' - or his parody of the same - he could not be stopped by normal means, for as long as even one of those things survived, he would live on. And I couldn't involve any of you - I didn't have the time, and Sakura... wants to be able to say it to Shirou and Rin when she's ready. But I was not going to simply set it aside. So I packed my bags, and I went to Misaki-shi."

------------------------------

The building was dilapidated - and yet, littered with signs of activity. He hadn't expected to see the likes of anyone other than Tyler Durden call such a place home.

And yet, here it was, the workshop of the renowned recluse Aozaki Tohko, one of the most powerful magi in Japan, and known to take on the right job, for the right price.

And he was being led through the giant safety hazard by Tohko's rather-too-cheerful gopher, Kokutou Mikiya - The Edward Norton to Tohko's Brad Pitt, or so it seemed.

But before he could finish the 'you do not talk about garannodou' line in his mind, he was brought into the office, where Tohko was sitting graciously at the table...

...and where a stoic young woman with a very unnerving look in her eyes was standing to one side.

"Ah, so you?re the one who just arrived from Fuyuki-shi! Welcome," said Tohko, greeting him.

He nodded. "Thank you for taking the time to speak with me."

When she felt like it, Tohko could make a good show of being graceful and polite... or when she sniffed the prospect of a lucrative contract. "Luckily I had a fairly empty schedule; otherwise it might have been difficult trying to arrange an appointment at such short notice."

"Apologies," he said, "but the request I need to make is very time-limited, unfortunately."

Her eyebrow was raised. "So, what is it you would have me do?"

He tried to marshal his resolve, and continued. "There's a monster in the city of Fuyuki - a creature that has caused terror and death for over two hundred years, and who even now chases a goal which will bring the entire city to ruin if left unopposed. Its name is Matou Zouken... and I want you to help me destroy him."

----------------------------------

"Why was she the one to turn to?" asked Saber.

He could have listed his reasons; Tohko is a very powerful magus, capable of counteracting Zouken's own sorcery. She has a depth of knowledge about the kind of creatures that exist out there that is second to none. And as it turns out... her colleague has the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception. All she had needed to do was to find a certain dot on Zouken's main body that only she could see, and stab it - which existence-killed every last worm of his, ending him completely, and setting Sakura free at a stroke.

However, that particular piece of information was something that was considered a trade secret - and he had broken enough promises today as it was. "All I can say is that she was uniquely placed to handle the situation. But now, Zouken is gone, as are Sakura's worms. She's free, at long last, to live out her days as she sees fit. Well, not exactly - as I suppose she would wish to have Shirou by her side, in her arms... it's terrible to see that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do - and she has far better reason for it than I. And yet... she still handles it more bravely than I have.?

Saber wondered if Shirou and Rin had any inkling of how their relationship affected those around them... but then, should they be concerned in the first place? "How were you able to afford her fee?"

"I took a loan," he answered, "one of the local banks has Association members working at it, who looks after unorthodox loans like these. I couldn't go to a mundane bank manager and say 'I need to borrow money so I can have a mage-monster killed', could I?"

The Association had such links in banks across the world - the Clock Tower didn't exactly run on fresh air and good intentions. "And before you ask, no, I can't tell Rin. If I did, I would have to explain why - and that would mean stopping Sakura from being able to reveal the truth at her own time. And even though I know full well that Rin would pay for it, I wouldn't want the money. It was my decision, and my consequence - but I consider it to be a good deal: A few years' of financial trouble, in exchange for allowing a cherry blossom to bloom at long last."

It took a moment for Saber to take it all in. He had gone to such trouble, put his own future in jeopardy, and risked alienating those around him, for the sake of another - and not even the one he had fallen for, either.

She was certainly angry at not being involved - at being cheated out of her chance to intervene. But it had been done, and that was all that mattered now. "I believe I'm finally starting to understand you..."

She smiled as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "...and you will not lose me as a friend."

For the first time in what seemed to be an age, he smiled in return - a weak one, perhaps, but a sign that he was grateful for her allowing him to confide in her, and for her accepting his faults and his mistakes, so that he might move on.

"That means a lot, Saber..." He stood up - he wasn't going to bother reaching for the dagger. "...but I'm not ready to do what needs to be done just yet. But, I'll try to be soon, if it's not too late."

He turned to walk out of the far exit - the side opposite to where Saber had entered earlier.

"Where are you going?" she wondered.

"To remind myself that I'm part of something... larger than this." He stepped out the exit, and closed the door behind him.

And when he was gone, two familiar faces came into the theatre through the other entrance.

"How much did you hear?" Saber asked, but she immediately knew that she didn't need to hear an answer. She could see by the looks on their faces.

They had heard everything.

----------------------------------

It wasn't as useful as a proper observatory - even if the magi using the platform could Reinforce their own eyes - but the roof of the astronomy wing was well-equipped with telescopes, each allowing a viewer to bear witness to a portion of the universe that lay beyond. And the enchantments cast to dampen local light pollution from the city helped, too.

This wasn't the first time he had been here - he remembered a time where he caught a glimpse of the International Space Station, while Atlantis (or was it Discovery?) was docked to it, as part of the long-term project to complete the great endeavour.

He would have loved to have been up there, with the astronauts and cosmonauts - spending every day looking at space, or better yet - down at the beautiful planet Earth. To be reminded every day of how wonderful life can be.

At the moment, he needed all of the reminders that he could find.

So, he picked one of the larger telescopes, took a look at the printed schedule on the wall (indicating which planets or phenomena were visible at which time and location) and decided that he never had seen the Red Planet for himself, so far.

He put his eye up to the viewer, and carefully adjusted the scope in order to provide a decent picture? and there it was - Ol' Dusty.

(There was another of those planetary dust storms on the go, apparently. Playing havoc with the feedback from the planetside rovers, too.)

he had seen images taken from those rovers, showing the Earth and Moon as they would be seen from Mars - but he wondered how it would feel for the first humans to go there, and see the cradle of Terran life look so small, as just another dot in the night sky.

However, something seemed to be blocking the view - or a gigantic ion storm had appeared in the space between Earth and Mars.

All it took was for him to step back and see a familiar person casting a minor incantation, which was placing a miniature purple cloud in front of the scope, to find his answer.

But it was the one person he wanted to see most - yet felt least able to face right now. "We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"

He didn't know what would happen next - but he would face it, nonetheless. "Yes, we do."

Last edited by Nerroth on February 10th, 2009, 10:30 pm, edited 9 times in total.

that means it's a sequel of the ubw's good ending Nerroth made. as you can see, unlike fate, ubw has more than just one ending, as far as I know, there're two: ubw good ending, and ubw true ending.

serious8 wrote:HI againehhok i have only seen the Tv serie of Fate and i haven't played any game so far of it, BUT weren't Saber and Shirou soupposed to become a pair or what?i thought so and hoped so.

I agree with you. shirou's eternal and most perfect pair is saber.

rin's better off with archer or...shinji?

nah, I hope that there'll be someone who will continue the fate realta nua ending (actually, it'll be hard because there're no other stories that can be used as a base ), where shirou and saber meet again in some distant grassland and continue their love symphony

Shirou: " I'm home."
Saber: " Welcome home."
and it just went like that...

too bad in hollow ataraxia nasu didn't make shirou's love tendency towards one of the three girls ( especially saber ) more than the others.
with avenger taking over shirou's body, I suppose it'll be impossible though...
although in eclipse, shirou's got a nice, enjoyable harem with those three girls

"Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes... chaos.
I'm an agent of chaos."
Fate/world providence

Ohhh so that means UBT-good, BUT i don't know what does it mean UBT " Uate Btay Tight" or what?
and isn't FSN (fate satay night) like Tsukihime, i mean for each girl a different ending? so why would a sequel of the game continue the path of a coprotagonist (Ren's path).

serious8 wrote:Ohhh so that means UBT-good, BUT i don't know what does it mean UBT " Uate Btay Tight" or what?and isn't FSN (fate satay night) like Tsukihime, i mean for each girl a different ending? so why would a sequel of the game continue the path of a coprotagonist (Ren's path).

serious8 wrote:Ohhh so that means UBT-good, BUT i don't know what does it mean UBT " Uate Btay Tight" or what?and isn't FSN (fate satay night) like Tsukihime, i mean for each girl a different ending? so why would a sequel of the game continue the path of a coprotagonist (Ren's path).

Herrgott!!! i'm getting just more confused!!!

UBW: Unlimited Blade Works

to make it simple, these are the three routes on Fate/stay night :

1. fate : saber as the main girl / heroine -> shirou and saber defeated gilgamesh and kirei in the final battle, and destroyed the holy grail. as a consequence, shirou had to part with saber in the end. although in realta nua, they managed to reunite in some distant grassland.

2. unlimited blade works, also known as ubw : rin as the main girl/ heroine -> shirou defeated gilgamesh in the end, and archer parted with rin in the end.
good ending : rin keep saber as her servant and everyone continue their lives as usual.
true ending : rin went to the association to pursue a higher education and shirou came along as her pupil

3. heaven's feel, also known as hf : sakura as the main girl/ heroine -> revealed the dark history of sakura matou and many other bloody things ( which I condemn as unsuitable for under-ages ) )

"Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes... chaos.
I'm an agent of chaos."
Fate/world providence

Raitei wrote:too bad in hollow ataraxia nasu didn't make shirou's love tendency towards one of the three girls ( especially saber ) more than the others.with avenger taking over shirou's body, I suppose it'll be impossible though... although in eclipse, shirou's got a nice, enjoyable harem with those three girls

Raitei... control yourself, I like the HF Shirou x Sakura one and didn't shout it all the time... seems like you want to impose your opinion ^^U and Im don't like it. Seriously, I don't know what do you do when you read UBW and HF and see that the other love stories are equally canon and true (some think that more) that the Fate one. xDDD

And I say it for good.

Raitei wrote:no, in my opinion, tsukihime is a lot more complex than f/sn..

confused yet? nah, don't be. wait 'till you see f/ha, it can make your head explode if you think too hard about it.. Wink

Kansho wrote:Raitei... control yourself, I like the HF Shirou x Sakura one and didn't shout it all the time... seems like you want to impose your opinion ^^U and Im don't like it. Seriously, I don't know what do you do when you read UBW and HF and see that the other love stories are equally canon and true (some think that more) that the Fate one. xDDD

And I say it for good.

uncontrollable? yeah, maybe I am then.sorry if I showed any sign of immaturity in my previous posts.but mind you, you're in no position to critisize me about my choice.why are you so sure about my change of heart once I've read the other routes?because most people have it? I don't care what's your problem with it, and I will not change my liking towards saber, no matter what. thank you.

Kansho wrote:

Raitei wrote:no, in my opinion, tsukihime is a lot more complex than f/sn..

confused yet? nah, don't be. wait 'till you see f/ha, it can make your head explode if you think too hard about it.. Wink

Raitei wrote:uncontrollable? yeah, maybe I am then.sorry if I showed any sign of immaturity in my previous posts.but mind you, you're in no position to critisize me about my choice.why are you so sure about my change of heart once I've read the other routes?because most people have it? I don't care what's your problem with it, and I will not change my liking towards saber, no matter what. thank you.

Of course, I don't want to you change your mind, or critisize your choice. For me is good. Many people like that pair. Other think is that you can be a little more calm about your opinion. Many times you seem to talk discrediting other pairings and characters over Saber... and that is a bit offensive for other people who like that characters. Mutual respect, ok?

Raitei wrote:full of philosophy? what makes the difference? I was referring to the branch of the stories, not the contents.

Then ok.

見せかけの自分はそっと捨ててただありのままで
misekake no jibun ha sotto sutete tada ari no mama de -
Throw away the "fake me" quietly and just be myself.

Raitei wrote:3. heaven's feel, also known as hf : sakura as the main girl/ heroine -> revealed the dark history of sakura matou and many other bloody things ( which I condemn as unsuitable for under-ages :) )

lol dood, tsukihime and FSN are H-games man...ALL OF IT is unsuitable for under-ages >_> (...in theory)

oh and isnt there 3 endings to HF?...i know one he goes insane, one he dies and sakura never sees him again...donno last one XD

I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member. Man, I don't know how I get away with it.

Raitei wrote:3. heaven's feel, also known as hf : sakura as the main girl/ heroine -> revealed the dark history of sakura matou and many other bloody things ( which I condemn as unsuitable for under-ages :) )

lol dood, tsukihime and FSN are H-games man...ALL OF IT is unsuitable for under-ages >_> (...in theory)

oh and isnt there 3 endings to HF?...i know one he goes insane, one he dies and sakura never sees him again...donno last one XD

No, HF has two endings. And since this thread is Spoiler-free...

The Normal, when Shirou sacrifices himself to destroy the Grail and Sakura ends waiting his back forever.
And the True, when Shirou survives thanks to Ilya, and begin a new life with Sakura.

見せかけの自分はそっと捨ててただありのままで
misekake no jibun ha sotto sutete tada ari no mama de -
Throw away the "fake me" quietly and just be myself.

They wouldn't let me fly in with one - since the needle used to secure it in place was apparently a security hazard (Sigh again) - so I had to pop into a Canadian embassy that day we went to Tokyo. One handy thing about embassies and consulates from Canada, not least the High Commission back in London, is that they always do their part for the Royal Canadian Legion's poppy drive...

...and I try not to think of the bitter irony, of how the poppy crop in Afghanistan has increased despite the best efforts of Canadian troops in that country.

If I did too much of that, I'd forget the importance of the Legion's (artificial) poppy - and the whole point of that one is for us never to forget.

Oh, just so you know, I'm Irish - I'm not from Canada.

While I seem to have a great interest in the Confederation - which would explain the books and DVDs littering my apartment back in London - it might seem odd that I'd make such an effort to wear their poppy, rather than the British one.

Well, aside from the issue some Irish people have with the British poppy - despite the thousands of Irishmen who fought and died in both world wars (and despite the fact that the Irish state was officially neutral in the second, and didn't yet exist in the first) - I choose the Canadian one for another reason.

If you ever look at the back of a Canadian 10 dollar note - well ,the notes they print nowadays - you'll see images of the Remembrance Day poppy, as well as an extract from John McCrae's famed poem In Flanders Fields, in both English and French (well, the latter call it au champ d'honneur), which laments the loss of lives, loves, and hopes in the hell of the Western Front...

...and the rest of the poem, the part they don't add to the note (but which is well-known in Canada) speaks of how their sacrifice is in vain, should it not be noted that

To you from failing hands we throw
the torch; be yours to hold it high.

I don't agree with the First World War as being an overly justified one - to put it politely - but twenty-five years later, when a new generation of Canadians took up arms against Nazi Germany, I certainly do.

And why is this different from British commemorations, you may ask?

Because there are many kinds of struggles - not least, the quest for peace.

Canada has always been at the forefront of UN peacekeeping missions - missions which see Irish troops operate, also - and the casque bleue might be flawed, not least due to the political incompetence of those who would deploy them, but they are a potent symbol of the mission of peace that Canada would seek to take part in.

And indeed, if you look on that note, you'll find an image taken from a statue in Ottawa, of a young woman in military uniform and a casque bleue, facing towards the Peace Tower on Parliament Hill, flanked by a white dove, and placed beneath the inscription

Au Service de la Paix - In the Service of Peace.

And to me, that message is a crucial one.

Too many people in the Association think that because of the march of technology, and the advent of modern firepower - the stealth fighter, the helicopter gunship, the cruise missile, the atomic bomb - that we as magi are irrelevant, at least those of us who aren't card-carrying members of the True Magic Club.

But it's precisely because the lives of millions can often hinge on the decisions of one person, that we are needed now, more than ever.

But then, I'm a first-gen magus with no magic crest, no lineage and a penchant for watchng too much inspirational science fiction, so what do I know?

Enough that if I stand here, my food will get cold.

So, off I go.

------------------------------------------------------------

The hood of the rainjacket is pretty light, and it has no string to hold it in place. If the wind was any stronger, it would blow off - but it's at just that level where if I angle my head a certain way, it'll flop around a bit, but more or less stay in place. Not that it really matters - the rain isn't that strong. Or maybe coming from Ireland, I'm used to it?

Perhaps.

As I walk down the street, I note a row of awnings sticking out of the side of a building - there's about a metre's worth of a space between each, so it's not really worth keeping the hood on just to avoid the rain.

And I already said the rain wasn't an issue, so why do I have the habit of trying to use a hand to hold the side of the hood?

Force of habit?

Whatever.

I'll be at the corner soon, and close to the restaurant - or so the map says.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Here you are, sir. Shame about the weather..." says the person at the counter, apologetically.

I shrug. "Shoganai, ne."

I settle the bill, take the bags (with care not to spill the bag with the soup in it) and head back out into the rain - and for some reason, it seems heavier than before when I step out.

But perhaps I just need to re-adjust, and in any event the feeling goes back to what it was earlier.

This time, however, I seem to catch the wrong lights all of the time - so I'm left at each intersection, waiting for the lights to change. But then, it's not like I can do anything about it.

I have the uniquely annoying trait of being one of the few magi I know who possesses all five alignments, but can't use any of them to a great extent - since they all seem to feed into my mental abilities.

But did anyone ever ask if I wanted to be a mind-reader?

That I would want to see... those terrible things that lay in Sakura's mind?

But I can't regret it now. Not when I've come this far, to try and make sure she'll never suffer again.

But why did I agree when she pleaded with me not to kill off Shinji?

Even so... I have something special planned for that bastard.

The lights change, and I cross the street - I can already see the apartment.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Tadaima!"

"Oh, look at you - you're soaked. Go in and get that coat hanging up somewhere, and give me that food to bring into the kitchen..."

...of course I say none of this, and there is no-one in the apartment to greet me. And certainly not she whose voice I would wish myself to hear, if I could. After these long months, shouldn't it have gotten easier to cope with this?

No - it never gets easier. No matter how much I like to think that 'real' love is only true if the other person reciprocates, and that anything less is an illusion, I can't escape the fact that I'm completely in love with her, and that I'll never be happy so long as she is with him instead of me.

So then, why do I help him so much? He's a good guy, and has his own surprising insights in certain areas - but he can be such a damned blockhead.

But, no - what if my blatant prejudices towards her are making me think this way of him? I don't know.

But I'm not supposed to have this on my mind - I'm about to put my life on the line, and see first-hand how dangerous Ryougi Shiki and Aozaki Tohko can be... and hope that it will be enough to finish that monster for good.

I let out another sigh. My food is going colder, and is there a microwave here?

Hmm... yeah. But it never tastes the same.

I place the poppy onto the counter, and curse how foolish and conceited I must look to those who gave everything for freedom.

Did they not have lives and loved ones they left behind when picking up a rifle, manning a ship turret or strapping into an aircraft cockpit - or going undercover as agents provocateurs in occupied lands?

I'm sorry, to all of you.

I can't emulate you - but I can remember you.

And maybe, one day, that can be enough.

But my stomach rumbles, and I realise I've thought about it too much.

I have to eat, and try to get some sleep - or the closest to it I can get, given how the nightmares implanted from Sakura's mind have robbed me of any true sleep I could have had, and may ever have.

But I have to eat, and at least try to rest.

It's going to be a long day tomorrow.

Last edited by Nerroth on October 13th, 2008, 11:50 pm, edited 5 times in total.

(One thing I hate about the system this board seems to run on is how damned often it ruins the formatting of the post - I have to go line by line and edit the quotation marks I had entered. Sigh.)

Part 3 [R]

Tohsaka Rin closed her hand, ending the incantation - the cloud obstructing the view through the telescope disappeared, but then the person who had been using the scope had moved away from it. Instead, he was trying to focus his attention on the young lady standing before him.

The inability to match her gaze and the patently uncomfortable way in which he was sitting showed that it wasn't working spectacularly well.

"I want you to do something for me." She made it clear with her expression that despite the innocuous tone used, it carried the weight of someone who would not take no for an answer.

"Of course..." He looked up to match her gaze, trying to fight back the urge to turn away, but determined to at least try to show some redeeming qualities at this moment.

She spoke once more: "I want you to be silent, until I ask for you to speak again. I do not want to hear a single word pass your lips - or from your mind to mine, for that matter. Not a single word, until I deem it so. Are we quite clear on this?"

He stopped himself from giving a verbal or mental response, and simply nodded.

She seemed satisfied with this. "Good. I have a few things to tell you right now - and while I say them, I want your undivided attention."

He sighed inwardly, and thought (to himself) that of all the things she could ask him for, the last part was the one he couldn't stop himself from giving even if he wanted to do otherwise. She sat down beside him, and kept facing him, her face a mask for what feelings or sentiments might lay underneath the surface ? and he would not try to ascertain them through other means.

Indeed, either from force of will, a quirk of neural chemistry or thaumaturgy (or a combination of such), hers was the one mind he could never catch even a single stray thought or emotion from. In a world of minds like open books, or folders with loose binders spilling out random pages unwittingly, she was an enigma.

Which, as it happened, suited him just fine ? he had never tried to consciously read her thoughts anyway, and indeed never wanted to. But was it more out of respect for her mental privacy, or fear for what he might have found had he needed to look within?

"I know that you were the one to strike Emiya-kun earlier..." Her gaze turned into a deep stare - one which drilled through his eyelids and through to the core of his being. "And I was about to get very angry indeed with you over it - and to question why on Earth you of all people would snap like that..."

But then, her expression wavered. "But I found my answers when I - we - heard what you and Saber had been talking about earlier."

He was horrified - and the pained expression on his face was clear as day, even though he was keeping utterly silent, as she had wished. Of all the ways in which he had one day considered that she would find out the truth, this had been among the worst of all.

But what if... she knows about Sakura, as well? If she had been there long enough to hear him confess his feelings for her while talking to Saber, she must have overheard what he had said about the trip to Misaki-shi, the price he paid to get rid of Matou Zouken - and the terrible visions which drove him to take such a desperate move.

She stopped for a moment - and it was clear that she was starting to struggle with her own emotions, or maybe this was just the first overt sign of what must have been bubbling away under the surface. Had she truly heard of Sakura's pain, there would be no way that she would not struggle with the consequences - and yet, while he wanted more than anything to try and say, or do, something, he would not deny Rin her wish.

And assuming she did not keep him silent forever, he would have time enough to say what he wanted to say later on. Or, at least, so he hoped.

"You know you've made things very troublesome for me today..." She reached for the side of her eye with the tips of her right fingers, and carefully wiped away the beginnings of a tear, before straightening up, schooling her features, and continuing on. "Not only do I find out that you've secretly been in love with me since the moment we met, and been rude enough not to confess it or even give any kind of overt sign around me, but it turns out that you mortgaged your future to pay for something which should have involved me.

I should have been told! She's MY flesh and blood - MY sister - and you had NO right to keep all of that from me!"

She stared back over to him, seething with rage and anger - but only for a moment, until a contradictory sentiment washed over her. "But to do so much for her, to risk your life to save her... to go so far out of your way on the far side of the world to give my sister the chance I never knew she didn't already have... and to hold true to your word to her for so long - I'm mad as hell that you didn't tell me at once, but I understand the reasons why you tried to respect her wishes, for her to be the one to tell me these things."

She let out an ironic laugh. "And to think, she wasn't the only one that wanted me to be the first person to hear their secrets, but that I would find out about hers while hearing you tell Saber all about yours."

Her head lowered slightly, and she pressed her hand to her forehead. "I still don't know what to make of it all - it's too much to hear in one day, at the one time. And I know that you wouldn't have wanted it to come out this way, either... any of it."

She sighed aloud. "But at least now I know for sure where Emiya-kun got some of those ideas from - for what good they do."

For the first time so far, she had said something which caught him off-guard. For what good they do?

And it only now hit home that she wasn't calling him 'Shirou' - she was saying 'Emiya-kun' instead. He opened his mouth slightly, about to express his confusion, but quickly closed it again and looked down.

"Aw, so I left you flat-footed with that last comment, didn't I? Haha..." She could be merciless when she had the upper hand - deft with striking to the core with the simplest of expressions. There was the epitome of Zen minimalism for you. "You know, it's so funny - for someone with such intelligence and insight, you can be so blind at times..."

What was it he was missing?

"...you didn't even pick it up from Emiya-kun either - and you reacted before he could get to explaining it to you himself, you fool! Hahahaha..." Each sound of laughter felt like a laceration by a poisoned blade, made worse by his complete inability to see what she was referring to.

She decided, however, to put him out of his misery, in this regard at least. "But since I have your undivided attention, I'll tell you now what it is you have been missing. Emiya-kun and I aren't seeing each other anymore."

Oh, ok. That sounds fair...

...

...

WHAT?

He was open-mouthed ? stunned. He had no idea, not even a clue.

"Come on," she said, "do you mean to tell me that you didn't see the warning signs already? Emiya-kun and I had been having troubles for months - while I care deeply for him as a friend, and thought that we could work things out together, the truth is that while I didn't want to admit it? maybe he and I just aren't suited for each other. And after meeting you, and getting to know more about what kind of person you are, it didn't take much to guess that the ideas he came up with to try and patch things up, like that trip to Bru na mBoinne, or those tickets to the Royal Albert Hall, were your doing - but I let it slide, and tried to use these efforts as a means of getting back on track."

She looked away, and up into the starlit skies above. "But when we got back from Japan, and even after you had returned after vanishing off all of a sudden, neither of us could reach you often - Emiya-kun told me that tonight was the first time he had managed to get you to find enough time to talk to him about things. It seems that without your suggestions or ideas to help him along, the relationship ended up the way it, in retrospect, should have ended a long time ago."

Her voice gained a slightly sharper tone with these next words. "And in all of this, did it not occur to you that no matter what you did to offer advice to him, that it would end up this way - or that, just maybe, I would have liked to know that you were doing it out of some insane act of selflessness, as part of a way of fighting back your own wishes for my sake?

I didn'?t ask you to do any of that! If you had been felling this way about me, I wanted to know! That's two major omissions you have to your name, now - and I should boil you in oil for each of them..."

A less angry tone, once again. "...but, I can?t imagine what it must have been like for you, to keep those feelings bottled up for so long, thinking that you were doing the right thing, even if it tore you up inside."

She looked back over to him, this time looking at his eyes more softly, her anger gone. "I never wanted you to feel like that because of me. And it's a further bother, because there is something else you have been missing, too - but I guess in this case, I am the one who has been hiding the truth from you."

The suspense was killing him - he was biting the gum behind his lower lip, not quite enough to pierce the membrane, but enough to act as a focus for his tension.

"But before I do that, I have three things to do." Before he even noticed, her hand had flashed from her side and impacted the side of his face - somewhat poor timing, perhaps, as the hard slap caused him to bite down harder on the membrane, and come within a whisper of causing severe bleeding.

He lifted one hand to hold against the side of his face she had hit - which stung like crazy - while rolling his tongue against the membrane, genuinely shocked not to taste his own blood bursting through.

"That was for not telling me everything from the outset." She then reached into the bag she had been carrying out onto the roof, took out an elaborate piece of paper, and handed it to him. ?That is the amount you owed the bank for your little stunt at the Garan no Dou - and you are NOT paying me back for it.

I should have been the one to pay from the outset - and if I hear one word of complaint, or one syllable of an offer to repay me, or that you have not used this cheque to pay the balance off by the end of the week, the rest of your life will be short, yet excruciatingly violent. Are we clear?"

He blinked, wincing with the pain, but nodded, as he took the cheque and put it away.

"Hehe, it's quite a relief being able to avoid your usual clever counter-arguments, I must say. Maybe I should keep you silent forever, fufufu..." For a moment, he was worried that she was being deadly serious - but then...

"Yet, if I keep you silent, I won't be able to hear that silken Irish voice of yours, and that would be quite a bother." Now he really had no idea what was going on.

"Ah, yes, that third thing?" Suddenly, she adjusted her position, and sat more closely beside him...

...and reached out her hands to take the sides of his head...

...when she steered his face towards hers.

"And for this one, I might need some co-operation." With a playful smile on her lips, she reached over and kissed him.

They held together for a few seconds - but in his mind, time had come to a virtual standstill.

She lifted her head back, and grinned. "It turns out that you really should have told me how you feel, after all - since it also turns out that I have quite a thing for you, as well.

Oh, and you may speak now."

"Rin!" He had to admit - when she wanted to take control of a situation, the results were devastatingly effective.

He was still in a state of shock - the course of events had overloaded his ability to keep up ? but he already expected that the full impact would hit him like a tsunami later on, once it finally sunk in.

But of all the words he wanted to say, he could think of only these: "I love you, Rin."

Words he had wanted to say - had fought back, often when they were on the very tip of his tongue - were finally said, at long last.

And yet, as he said them, he felt for the briefest of moments that something was...

"Well, in that case, since you won't need to work so hard when you aren't at the Clock Tower from now on, you won?t mind taking the time to see if you can live up to being a Tohsaka's boyfriend?" she asked, focussing his mind somewhat.

He smiled - and was instantly reminded of the sharp lingering pain on the side of his face. She really did pack quite a wallop.

"Gladly... though..." He looked down again. "I still have to apologise to Shirou for what I've done - no matter the cause, it was still inexcusable. And Rin, I..."

He looked up again. "I wanted to tell you every day about how I felt - but I thought it was better that I didn't. And I...

I...

I hate myself for not telling the truth about Sakura.

But she pleaded with me, Rin. She begged me, not to reveal to you what terrible, terrible things I saw in her mind... and that have robbed me of my sleep ever since."

The thought of that pain - far worse than anything he had ever experienced in his own life - raced through his mind, and brought him to tears once again. "It hurts so much, Rin - the agony, it's just about more than I can stand..."

"Then shut up again and do as I say." Another order - but he was still in no condition to argue.

She placed her hand against his temple, and began a more complicated incantation - but before she could complete it, he pulled away.

No, Rin. It can't be so easy...

"They aren't your memories," she reminded him, "you have no reason to keep them locked up in there. So why are you drawing back??

Because I can't... I can't let Sakura feel this kind of pain alone.

He didn't say the words aloud, or make a conscious effort to send them via mind-speech - but she seemed to guess his reasoning all the same. "Mou, you?re making things very difficult for me. You know that? This isn't the way to help her - you've done more than enough in that regard already. And aren't you the one who always says how it's better to try and create new, more positive memories, rather than try to deny the ones a person already has?"

Because the instant I saw her memories, I knew how utterly hollow that sentiment was. He shook his head - he couldn't do it so easily.

So, for the moment, she relented. "Fine - I'll just ask Sakura herself to tell you to let me do it - she'll be here at the weekend anyway, so it's not a problem."

He had a double-take. "She's flying in to London?"

Rin smirked. "I don?t remember letting you speak again, but I'll let that one pass... Yes, my sister is flying in to visit the Clock Tower - and she and I will have a very long talk. And for that matter, she'll be talking with Emiya-kun, too - I didn't miss that part where you told Saber how Sakura loves him, either."

She ran a hand through one of her long strands of hair. "You know, I guess they would make for a fine couple, and..."

Her features hardened. "If I had known, I would have tried to get them together in the first place - instead of letting him and I get into a relationship that we should have known wouldn't be ideal for either of us."

He didn't have any response to that - no matter how much he wanted Sakura to be happy, with Shirou or otherwise, there was still that flicker of bias in his own mind, which had screamed at him from within that Rin should choose him, instead.

But for the first time, that flicker was gone, or so it seemed.

And as the pain started to recede, he felt himself smiling. "Rin, I guess at this stage it's too late for any of us to turn back the clock - but we all still have a lot of time left in our lives to do things differently, if we want to."

With that, she finally seemed to relax, and reached her arm around his shoulder. "Not the most poetic turn of phrase you've ever used, but it's not bad for a start."

"Well, I'll have to redouble my efforts from now on, it seems." Kore kara, ore mo ganbaru. Words he had been told of as being the last she had heard from her Archer-class Servant in the Grail War - from a man who, as the (un)living fulfilment of the kind of potential that Emiya Shirou had bottled within, had haunted his thoughts on his own relative worth compared to Shirou as a potential partner for Rin ? but ones which suited his own wishes, too.

Well, aishiteru yo, Tohsaka Rin was also appropriate.

"Come on," she affirmed, "let's go find Emiya-kun, and get you started with that apology... and then we can work out how we are going to get him set up with my darling imouto!"

She stood up, and reached for his hand with his own. Without flinching, he took it.

"Sounds like a plan, Rin," he said, yhough if Shirou actually does like Sakura, and says it to her when she gets here, it'd take about .02 seconds for Sakura to reciprocate... surely.

After all, that's what she's been waiting for.

It has to be.

As they walked together to the exit, he thought to himself how utterly his life had been changed in such a short time.

For the first time in months - indeed, perhaps for one of the relatively few times in his whole life - he felt as if he had a future.

And he would be damned if he wasn't going to give it his all.

Last edited by Nerroth on February 11th, 2009, 4:58 am, edited 7 times in total.

I have not the smalltest idea what was going on there or who besides Rin , Shiro, Saber and Sakura...(Aoko too) were talking about but this history is just great (even though it doesn't have any battle, villian, or something like that)!!!

Thank you very much !!
ehh and there is still something:
Why Aoko and Ryoga Shiki?
ok I understand
Aozaki Aoko = Tsukihime /= Ryoga Shiki = Garden of sinners.
So why did they be mentionated in your fanfic, huh?