Earlier this week, I received an email from a reader who doesn't know when—let alone if—she needs to have the exclusive talk with her maybe boyfriend.

Here's our darling reader's email:

I have been out with this guy on a couple of dates. We even kissed and almost got to second base. The thing is, when we were alone together, he would hold my hand and hug me. But when we were out in public, he wouldn't hold my hand. He still opened the door and car door for me. Only when we got in the car did he hold my hand again. What is the deal with this guy? I have a feeling that he isn't comfortable with PDAs? Or am I too sensitive?

We are not teenagers anymore (he's in his 30s and I'm in my late 20s). Do adults still ask the question "will you be my girlfriend?" to formalize the relationship? Or is it something that is implied and understood by both parties? He has not asked me to be his girlfriend or be exclusive. I could be wrong, but I think we are in the very early stages of a relationship. How long do you wait before bringing up exclusivity?

Unless you have super, and I mean super strong feelings for this guy, I wouldn't bring up the whole boyfriend/girlfriend talk just yet. You've only been on a few dates and you're still getting to know one another.

For starters, you seem kind of uncertain about his stance on PDA. If it bugs you, go ahead and bring it up. And you can be rather casual about it. When you reach for his hand on the sidewalk and he pulls away, you could laugh and say something like, "No hand holding in public, eh?" And see how he responds. But some people (including several women I know!) aren't into public displays of affection at all. It's not that they're not into their partners, they just keep that lovey dovey stuff behind closed doors.

Ah second base. In my book,* second base = getting handy down there. While making out and downstairs groping is certainly intimate, it's not always an indicator of exclusivity. Actually, it's not uncommon for people who aren't officially "boyfriend and girlfriend" to sleep together. But the key thing here is that if you're only willing to hit doubles, triples or homers with a boyfriend, you need to let this guy know. You may have your stats set in stone about what you'll only do with a boyfriend but unless you communicate that to him, he'll have no idea.

Adults certainly ask the exclusivity question. We're not mind readers so it's natural to wonder if the other person is on the same page. But after just a handful of dates, it's still early. Think about what you want from this courtship. Do you really like the guy? Are you happy with the way things are going? Are you really eager to get to know him better? If after a few more dates, your feelings grow, go ahead and have the talk with him. Right now, though, it sounds like you should get to know the guy before taking it further.

What do you think our reader should do? How long do you usually wait before having the talk? Who usually brings up the exclusivity conversation? Have you ever been in a long term relationship where you didn't have the BF/GF talk?

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*Back in the day, my BFF and I spent way more time than we're proud of arguing about the whole baseball/sex metaphor. Our final decision: first base = kissing, second base = hands in the pants, third base = oral sex, homerun = sex.