Monday, September 3, 2018

There's Gotta Be Another Way to the Next Dungeon Level

"Must everything be a pain in the ass in this place?"

d12
1. Subterranean ravine, rushing water below, other side featureless stone, series of incredibly narrow switchbacks hewn into wall below, must go mountain goat-style, ravine subject to distracting pterodactyl infestation
2. Small room with no floor, after obscene number of golden coins deposited into slot in corridor pressurized air blasts from below, works as per feather fall, return trip air blasts as per levitate, costs 1d4 times as much
3. Giant in sumo wrestler's diaper w/Mardi Gras papier mache head greets you as you approach vast aperture in floor leading to next level, negotiates round trip passage rate, picks up PCs in groups of two, passes them to giant on ledge below who passes to next giant down and so on, final giant deposits group on next level and wishes them well, they take long meal breaks during which they cannot be bothered
4. Giant worm bridge spans chasm, enter through mouth, exit to stairway down via cloaca, enterprising worm-trainer sells bucket loads of worm chow from reeking barrels to sprinkle along the way, worm is telepathic but dog-like intellect precludes stimulating conversation
5. When activated from wall panel using proper key, stair opens accordion-like from wall of otherwise empty shaft, automatically retracts in 10 minutes, different key needed for return trip
6. Chasm spanned by single zip line to opening on lower level, hand-winch apparatus ensures agonizing, slow return
7. Shaft with ladder rungs that`appear two at a time from wall, retract when released, next set emerges, takes forever, no room for error
8. Laundry chute of the Godlings: quick descent, pain-in-the-ass return, must contend with laundry beast
9. Standard stair guarded by hugely bloated, bored demon w/road sign-sized axe, stack of notebooks, in repose on heap of disembodied heads, demands some kind of entertainment to "look the other way", notes fondness for synchronized dance but quick table read of his latest one act play guarantees safe return
10. Must take small boat across placid, fog-shrouded subterranean lake, after ten minutes eels rise to surface, issue reasonable advice in re abandoning dungeon mission, come ashore at site identical to one left behind, except one level down
11. Engraving in wall near open pit instructs you to yell "Coming down!", response from below in unknown language sounds positive yet somehow evil, ladder put in place on ledge from darkness below
12. Fire house pole descends in center of dressing room w/disturbingly large hauberks, helmets, polearms on racks nearby, large brass bell hangs near pole hoping to be struck