Friday, November 16, 2012

TRUMPING THE MEDIA

The latest cast of "Celebrity Apprentice"

In case you were distracted by the
rising body count in Syria, Donald Trump recently appeared on Today to promote the new season of Celebrity Apprentice – which, in the
most bizarre of coincidences, are both NBC series. Trump introduced the dozen or
so has-beens who hope to land a real job once they’re through groveling in his
boardroom. (Three of these "celebrity" stooges are Lisa Rinna, Brande
Roderick and Claudia Jordan. I'll give you a moment to ask, "WTF?")
The only one who doesn't fit that sorry mold is Penn Jillette, the larger,
louder half of Penn & Teller. The genuinely
talented Jillette, who's probably taking part just to promote his Las Vegas
gig, knows a showman when he sees one.

﻿

I could totally see him takingthe oath of office on acold January morning.

Or would that be “shaman”? Because it
seemed like Trump concocted a potion to make everyone forget he was last seen
as an almost-presidential candidate. And not just any candidate, but one whose crack team of gumshoes found
evidence “you wouldn’t believe” regarding President Obama’s birth certificate.
Trump never released their findings because… well, what’s the point if we
wouldn’t believe it?

Perhaps, now that Election Day has
passed, pundits analyzing the 2012 campaign will wonder how anybody took Trump
seriously. Did they really believe he would give up his Celebrity Apprentice infomercial for
a job that offers less personal power? (He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy
who’d enjoy consulting with 535 Congress people.) Or trading in his new jumbo
jet for a used, government-designed model? Or, adding insult to injury,
willingly living in a house that lacks shiny brass pillars, black marble credenzas
and solid gold toilet handles?

You can't spell "class" without "ass."

﻿

Yeah, in today's job market this is exactly what people want to purchase.

Now as far as his business empire is concerned, Donald Trump’s “look at
me” shtick is no worse than goofy fun. You know the drill. The Trump hotels,
steaks, vodka and cologne are the greatest in the world. The Trump country
clubs are chockfull of “very important people.” Fine, that’s how big shots
operate. At least he’s not flying airplanes into office towers or blowing up
subways –- Trump creates things (or
slaps his name on them). And he’s certainly responsible for more jobs and tax
revenue than all his critics combined. That’s way more impressive than, say,
the Trump Home fragrance collection. (What does a runaway ego smell like? You
can find out yourself, starting at just $26.)

﻿

A jock, a black woman, a midget, a dumb blonde and a gay guywalk into a room...

But…That“will he or won’t he run” routine was
nothing more than Trump and the media engaging in MAC (Mutually Assured
Cynicism). Morning news shows in particular decided long ago that celebrities
were what brought in the eyeballs. (The death of our ambassador to Libya? The
winner of Dancing with the Stars?
It’s all the same to George Stephanopoulos and the gang at Good Morning America.) During the
Republican campaign, you probably saw more of Donald Trump than Jon Huntsman or
Gary Johnson combined. Those other two were serious guys who wanted to discuss important
issues as varied as our relationship with China to the legalization of
marijuana. But as far as many news anchors were concerned, there was only one
question worth asking: What does Donald
have to say?

Perhaps
it was appropriate, then, that the only person I saw demand Trump put up or
shut up with the birth certificate“evidence” was Anderson Cooper. Cooper had
nothing to lose by doing the job his elders forfeited when Trump allegedly
considered throwing his hair into the ring. And when you're the news anchor
best known for giggling fits, New Year’s Eve broadcasts with Kathy
Griffin and being the son of the woman responsible for $500 jeans, that's
pretty freaking sad for the state of television journalism in general.

Anderson Cooper proves once and for all that he has the same credentials

as Walter Cronkite.

In the
end, though, who can blame Trump for taking advantage of our TMZ-fueled,
celebrity-consecrating media? He’s just following the lead of your average
holistic dietician or pet psychologist: shilling dubious claims via
accommodating interviewers. On the other hand, as with the shrink who analyzes
Fido’s aggressive behavior as suppressed memories of stale Milkbones, it
doesn’t mean we have to take him seriously.

By the
way, Donald, love your spring water!

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