Tools not Rules

Take the time to listen. You’ll get more out of your relationships, have more meaningful dialog and people will be more likely to listen to you. It’s called mirroring. If you set the pace for a conversation, allowing it to breathe, the other person will be more likely to match your pace and tone. Speeding up, interrupting and abruptly changing topics tells people you don’t care what they’re saying. And they won’t care what you’re saying.

Slow down, take a breath and listen. Most people are already thinking about their response before the other person has finished speaking. Don’t interrupt. Seriously, if you feel the need to interrupt just leave the conversation. Create space in the exchange to consider your response. Acknowledge what the other person said by responding to something specific about their statement then advance the conversation by adding to it. I know this sounds scripted but try it. You’ll see immediately how people change when they realize you’re actually listening to them.

Try this: use The 5 Whys in your next conversation. You don’t always need to ask a why-related question but ask a question that invites the other person to elaborate on their previous statement. Ask 5 questions and see how deep your conversation gets.