Chapter one started off a little bit slow, but most tales start off like that. The basis of your story was kinda set up, but it did feel like it was lacking elements to it. After reading the whole current seven chapters, I still felt like it is wanting some of those ingredients.

Keeping this revaluation abbreviated and simple, it seems like it can reach higher grounds. It began off as 6/10 then rose to 7.5/10. After that I lost lilliputian focus when it started going in to the 4.5-5/10 zone but refocused, read that part again, and finished up with a 7.5/10.

Overall, the story is missing components and with those (that hopefully come in the future) it could be amended and I, with some deliberation, accept that if you play your cards right, your story could end up being a complete 8-9/10. You have the car, you have some fuel, but you are going to need some more fuel to go places.

I hope it can go far. Good fortune!

Mick G chapter 7 . 8/3/2010

I just finished reading these seven chapters and have quite a lot to say.

Obviously, you've got a gift for weaving threads of a plot together. The narrative is also well-crafted and believable. The occasional switches between third-person and first-person are smooth and easy to follow.

Still, the thing which impresses me most is that you have taken a character which, until recently (after this chapter was published), had not been given much character development in the comic and crafted a personality not only for her but also for those around her. The best part of this is that you now have at least three characters (the main females) who, while essentially retaining their character, can grow and change.

My only negative comment is that it's been a while since an update. I hope that you haven't stopped writing this story; it's very good.