Optimism and Pessimism are choices. We are conditioned to respond to what we were taught as children. But the reality is that you are not stuck with your learned responses, also known as your default tendencies. You have the ability to change your perspective and attitude, and impact your resulting behaviors. Optimists hold the following traits:

Positive attitude

Personally motivated

Plan for action

Look for solutions

Actively choose success

Take personal responsibility and go into problem solving mode

Credit hard work

Pessimists on the other hand:

Fear change

Tend to be paranoid

Blame external factors

Have victim energy and thinking

Credit luck

Seek negative attention

Concept of Optimalism versus Perfectionism:Optimalism is an attitude and approach to life that is fueled by a willingness to accept failure while remaining confident that success will follow. The individual tends to focus on more intrinsic, inward desires and is motivated by curiosity and a desire to learn. Perfectionists on the other hand have a consistent and compulsive drive towards unattainable goals and values based solely in terms of accomplishment. They have underlying fear of failure, which can lead to depression and low productivity; and they are motivated by the need to consistently prove themselves worthy.Benefits of a more positive attitude: Success can be defined by 80% attitude and 20% aptitude. It is the difference between enjoying life or tolerating it, and someone with a more optimistic attitude towards success can see more opportunities before them.On the flip side, pessimists tend to be unhappy with their life and jobs, which negatively impacts their overall outlook. They require more sleep, find themselves sick more frequently, argue with their spouses more, have less patience, are unpleasant towards others and will tend to make more mistakes. Additionally, pessimists tend to exhibit more self-destructive behaviors such as over-eating or over-drinking, and feel that they are a victim to their environment or circumstances.Role of Emotional Intelligence in Optimism / Positivity:Individuals with higher level of Emotional Intelligence or EI tend to be more self-aware and can manage their reactions, emotions and thoughts more effectively to achieve more successful outcomes. They are able to recognize and effectively manage their emotions (self-awareness) as well as that of others (social awareness). It has been said that your Emotional Quotient (EQ) is a greater predictor of your success than your IQ. Your IQ is set by the time you are 17 years old. However, your EQ remains variable throughout your life and is the key to being able to achieve higher levels of productivity, growth and self-satisfaction. In considering your emotions, understand that emotions don’t carry a polarity (emotions are neither good or bad nor right or wrong...).It’s how we express the emotion that gives us a positive or a negative result.To put it into illustrative terms, when you strike a match, you have a flame.At that point, it is simply ‘heat’ that can be put towards different uses. How you choose to use this flame will determine if it is constructive (you choose to light a fire to cook a meal) or destructive (you choose to burn a house down). The energy (the ‘heat’) hasn’t shifted. The difference is in how you chose to use it. To that end, the next time you have an emotional reaction, ask yourself what results you are looking for. This will determine how you choose to use the emotion that you have, and allow you greater control over the resulting behavior.4 core skills to Emotional Intelligence:

Self-awareness – when you are aware of your feelings, you begin to recognize the physical sensations attached to eachemotion and what those feelings are signaling to you

Self-management is a critical area that tends to be challenging for many of us. Here are 7 keys to managing your emotions:

Don’t ignore or minimize your emotions; own them

Find your emotional triggers – learn to predict your responses

Express feeling without being confrontational

Let others know their feelings are legitimate and valid, like yours

Remain neutral

Stay positive; focus on what is working, not on what is wrong

Be an active listener

Self-talk is a component of self-management. It may be surprising to learn that for many people, 70% of self-talk tends to be negative. We program ourselves to be negative by talking to ourselves and seeing ourselves in a very demeaning way. Positive self-talk focuses on the fact that you have choices and that you have an innate ability to solve your problems. So how to turn negativity into positivity? Start by recognizing your negative self-talk and nip it in the bud. Plan your day and learn to visualize the positive – if you can’t create it in your mind, you won’t be able to create it in your reality (and on the flip side if you create a negative outcome in your mind, you are setting yourself up for a negative reality even before the day has taken place). When you encounter a challenge, tackle the problem immediately – it won’t go away later. But at the same time, recognize that a situation may be inflammatory and it might be best to have a cooling off period before tackling the issue. In other words, don’t avoid the issue. Rather, use your smarts to ensure a more positive outcome. Finally, look for the bright side – it doesn’t do any good to concentrate on the bad things; re-focus your energy on what you want more of in your life. Some final thoughts: Your thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies. The Stockdale Paradox teaches us an important thing about optimism and positivity – retain the faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, but at the same time, confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be. Sometimes the facts are what they are. Approach them head on and solve the problem. Just because things look bleak doesn’t mean that it has to remain so.To avoid disillusionment and disappointment:

Recognize the facts

Take positive, proactive steps to create the reality you want

Don’t dwell on the past or fear the future

Establish goals and identify roadblocks

Ultimately recognize that crisis is temporary. In reality, there is no “end of the world” until it is the end of the world…literally. So take a step back, breathe and look for the solution. Take off your victim blinders and ask yourself is this happening to you or for you?

The concept of self-love always seems narcissistic to many of us. Women are taught from an early age to be all things to everyone in our lives, to be at service to those we love. So we share our love at the expense of ourselves, believing that to love someone we must de-prioritize our own needs. We feel guilty or selfish if we take care of ourselves, but the reality is that when we are not 'whole', we cannot love holistically. In Buddha’s teachings he states that, “you, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha teaches that you love the self before you are able to extend love to others. In other words, before you are able to be a love luminary, you must have the capacity to embrace yourself fully. From self-love, you lay the groundwork for the expression of compassion for others. The ability to unconditionally love yourself opens up your humanity and compassion to others. Loving yourself also raises your self-esteem and self-confidence. You realize that others are no different than you. Your inner voice, the voice that questions your worth and value in this world, the voice that causes you to reject yourself, the voice that blames you for everything that has gone wrong in your life, the voice that causes you to doubt yourself and the decisions that you make, grows quieter.

And in its place comes a new voice. A voice that expresses unconditional love and compassion for yourself, and by extension others. A voice that recognizes that all events in life are experiences to grow from, and judgment of yourself and others lessens. A voice that accepts you for who you are, defined by the compilation of your life experiences up to today and into tomorrow. So as you express your love for others, take a moment to spend some time and energy on yourself. Recognize that you are at choice, and you can choose love.

I have just returned from a long, get-away with my family, refreshed and exhausted (in a good way) at the same time. In my travels, I received a lot of questions about what coaching is. Outside of the U.S., coaching is not always a firmly established profession. And even in the U.S., coaching as a concept is sometimes not clearly understood. As I reflect on these recent conversations, I thought I'd share my thoughts on coaching as a way to start off the New Year. I am excited for the potential the year holds for each and everyone of us, and the role that coaching can have within it. My philosophy for the year is "Progress, Not Perfection," for myself as well as my clients (you know who you are!). Remember that life is as yet unwritten and our stories can only be written as it unfolds, one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Everything else is a tale we create in our minds that may or may not happen. So why stress over it?

So with that in mind, here is what coaching is to me and what it can offer for you.

First and foremost, coaching is about human growth and change.

Coaching helps people develop personally through introspection and education, in ways that bring about positive behavioral change.

Coaching recognizes that your feelings, emotions and consequent behaviors are a product of your thoughts, perceptions, interpretations, attitudes and beliefs; and it seeks to break down those thoughts, perceptions, interpretations, attitudes and beliefs that are barriers to success.

Coaching is a goal-oriented, solution-focused process, with goals and action plans that are developed by the client and championed by the coach.

Coaching helps to create a shift by encouraging people to look at what is good and going well in their lives.

Coaching stretches people and challenges them to abandon old habits and default tendencies, and create new habits, thoughts and behaviors.

Coaching helps people recognize their behavioral patterns and their corresponding results, and helps people see and experience new possibilities.

A while ago, someone challenged me about my desire to be a coach. Let's just say that their essential thought was "how in the world can you help someone when you can't seem to get things right for yourself?" My perspective is that it's the fact that I have led an imperfect life that allows me to be a good coach. My trials and tribulations (and there have been many!) have allowed me to learn and grow, and only through learning and growth can your mind awaken to the possibilities. I counter with the following questions. How many of us live in a dream-state, disengaged from work and life, yearning for joy, fulfillment, happiness, and that elusive brass ring? How many of us need a jolt to help us realize that our lives are perfect just as they are and happiness lies within reach, inside of ourselves and not at the hands of someone else? Through my experiences, I can honestly tell my clients that I AM AWAKE, and you can be too. Reach out and explore the possibilities with a coach today!

I've had a lot of discussions recently about how to handle relationships that are negative or conflict-filled, whether at work or in your personal life.

Negative relationships are not easy. They are draining, leave you feeling like you are a victim to someone else, or raise feelings of anger or resentment. What you need to ask yourself is how important is this relationship to you and what you would like to do about it.

There are 5 things to consider about a negative relationship.

Remain a victim to it

Change it

Change your perspective of it

Accept it

Leave it

Remaining a victim to a negative relationship includes accepting a feeling of loss of control, powerlessness, uncontrolled anger, grief and depression. The danger of of this is a reduction in our positive outlook and can be extremely draining to our energy. We spend a lot of time dealing with negative emotions and eventually that can take a toll on our health and well-being.

If you choose to change a relationship, you recognize that you can take proactive action with the relationship or some aspect of the relationship in order to remain in it and benefit from it. This requires a change in your strategy for the relationship by releasing and reconciling differences, developing coping mechanisms, and shifting how you come into the relationship. Begin by identifying common values and seeing if the other party is willing to change as well.

Rather than changing the relationship with actions and new behaviors, a relationship can also be changed by modifying and shifting your perspective of it. Essentially, you are putting on a different pair of "lenses" and seeing the other person from a new vantage point. Ask yourself what qualities you appreciate about the other person and how can you stay connected to the appreciation of these qualities.

If you choose to accept the relationship, you are choosing to suspend judgment, stress and burden associated with the relationship. You accept it just as it is, and recognize that it is okay as it currently stands. From this position you are choosing to be at peace and there is no need for further action.

Finally, if you realize that you no longer like the relationship, and you cannot or will not remain in it, that you cannot change the way you look at it, or accept it, then the only course to take is to leave the relationship. If you choose to do this, then respect the other person and yourself as human beings and that sometimes our chemistries are simply incompatible. There is no right or wrong, good or bad, and no further judgment is required. Your next action is to simply remove the relationship from your life.

Are there relationships in your life that you find challenging, difficult, and drains you? You are at 'choice' with every relationship in your life. Choose wisely.

In virtually every aspect of our life, we are in a relationship - whether it is with yourself, significant other, co-workers, friends, family, or more. Our lives are a web of interconnecting relationships, and they can bring us as much join as they do pain and sorrow.

There are essentially two types of relationships - 1) relationships that are nurturing, and are key to our growth and development; 2) relationships that are destructive, limiting, and impede our ability to experience life fully and express our true selves.

While we all acknowledge and agree that relationships are an integral part of our lives, many of us go through life without a clear picture of what we want out of our relationships. Being clear enables you to experience the powerful gift of relationships in ways that will help you to grow and develop by cultivating and focusing on those that are powerful and mutually supportive, while walking away from those that negatively impact us and deplete our energy.

To assess your current relationships, an important question to ask yourself is:

How do I feel when I'm around this person?

Do I feel happy, energized, secure and loving towards them, or do I feel belittled, angry, frustrated, and drained?

Relationships that positively impact your perception of life are the ones that you may decide to nurture or grow. There are many ways to grow and nurture positive relationships. Here are just a few:

Spend more time together

Identify ways to grow together

Share thoughts, ideas, concerns

Listen and support each other

As for relationships that drain and deplete, there 5 possible options to consider:

Remain a victim to it - accept the feeling of powerlessness and knowingly remain in a relationship that you know will decrease your energy and drain you

Change it - take a proactive approach to change some or all aspects of the relationship so you can remain in the relationship and hopefully benefit from it; this requires the other party to be equally motivated to change as well

Change your perspective of it - modify and shift how you look at the relationship by creating a new perspective of it; this may mean changing your expectations of the relationship

Accept it - suspend judgment, stress and burden associated with the relationship and accept it just as it is; this doesn't require anything other than being at peace with where it is

Leave it - if you don't like the relationship, and you cannot/will not remain in it, change it, change the way you look at it, or accept it, then the option left is for you to leave it; in doing so you are simply acknowledging that there our times in our lives where people aren't a match with each other and as such we cannot exist in a relationship together