Thursday, June 30, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it. Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine, September 2003 US actress & television talk show host (1954 - )This quote speaks loudly to my soul. I have understood the owning of moments, since my awakening 11years ago, but it takes more than just understanding of a concept to make it work for you. It takes practice, and wrestling with demons, as they attack to truly own the moments you inhabit.The one thing you think you cannot do, for me at the moment is the website that was gifted then abandoned by the gifter. Agony has been the main emotion of late when I considered which way to proceed with this, because I simply have no choice but to struggle on. Walking away would cost too much, since every sane step I have taken in the past 11 years has led straight to this moment. Owning it means I must find a solution. And although I do not always do as I should, I always do as I must.I had a brutal last week, but I survived and now it is time to thrive. (Today is July 5th.) I was knocked to my knees over and over again, but I am back on my feet big time and ready to throw caution to the wind. I have a plan of action firmly in mind. I have the nerve to implement it, and if the words I use are equal in power to the vision they describe the site will be more than safe from extinction, it will be everything my soul tells me it can be and more.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:The wise man carries his possessions within him. BiasThe only things that are forever ours are what is deep inside. Possessions of man made material decay and crumble with time and use. Self is the place where the only treasures that really matter are stored. But even there the contents can be jumbled in an instant by a wide variety of emotions. That fact was proven over and over this week, and is the reason I am writing Wednesday's post on Saturday.Even the most self aware individual makes new discoveries about themselves when they face something unfamiliar. Sometimes the past casts a shadow you never noticed before when you open a door long left boarded over. Worries with no apparent solutions weaken even the most hopeful mind. A sudden shock can cause a stumble that leaves you off balance and limping until you find your footing again. The reliving of a brutal day can re-open wounds you thought safely healed.By Monday I will have experienced each of those things in a week's time and survived. And Tuesday I will begin to thrive again in spite of it all. I have a lot of rearranging to do, it seems, but I know that when done I will have another pile of debris to toss out for good. The circle just never ends. And true wisdom comes from keeping only what expands your insides, and tossing out all the rest. Treasure hunting of the soul is a full time job, it seems.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.Chinese ProverbWell, it is good to know that before long I should be flawless. The visual this quote inspires is very comforting. Seeing trouble in such a fashion makes it seem much less troublesome. And in a storm any port is welcome, taking comfort where ever you can just makes good sense.I try hard to avoid trouble, but sometimes I fail in a very human way and borrow some before it happens. Not often, yet each occasion is frustrating beyond belief. Just because you know better does not guarantee that you will not do something, it only makes it easier to stop doing it once begun.The picture is of my tattoo, which I in no fashion view as a mistake. I simply noticed the icon for downloading photos to my blog and wanted to utilize it asap.

Monday, June 27, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.Henry Van DykeWe each have at least one talent of some kind, giving us ways we can make the world a better place just by letting loose and doing what comes natural. God kisses each of us in a special way, gifting us all with unique avenues for interaction. But everyone has to make an effort to find that gift, open it up, practice its use, then perfect it by giving it a voice in the concert hall of life.A symphony orchestra is made up of countless different instruments, each can hold a tune and play alone, but by combining them the music is more powerful and reaches heights not achievable with solo performances. Whatever your instrument, its importance is clear. Each note combined together makes the song more vivid to every listener, and the joy of being a member of the band is intense.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)The spirits summer is a season full of intense possibilities, not dependent on any certain time of year. Once reached it is impossible to forget your way there, even if trouble and grief put obstacles in the road. Its safety is absolute, its power for rebirth invincible. No man is strong enough to steal what is clearly a gift from God.We each have the capacity to reach its shores, by simply accepting self and growing comfortable inside your skin. Its spiritual, but not in a religious way necessarily, although that can be incapsilated in the mix. There are no age limitations there, so come early as you can and stay a lifetime.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.Unknown AuthorPlease grant me the wisdom to see clearly when I am abusing stupid. Acting silly is a much different animal than being stupid, one I rejoice in, the other I fear. The former will bring joy, the latter grief. And the world is much too full of things to grieve over, without inviting more reason for tears.Stupid acts are not reserved solely for the less intelligent portion of the worlds population, even the brightest people wear the dunce hat from time to time. I realize that wishing for a stupid free life is unrealistic, since we are all equally at risk for occasional stupidity. But awareness of the danger should lessen the odds of abusing such an unpleasant privilege.

Friday, June 24, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:It is better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterward.Baltasar GracianI try to give myself time for beforehand sleeping on life changing issues, acting in haste and regretting at leisure is no way for a sane person to conduct the business of living. I do not always succeed, but in life it is the trying that makes all the difference. Without the attempt for better we doom ourselves to what is.I measure things by a different system than most, I guess. I want the pile of things changed for the better to reach a staggering height, while the tiresome things I accept as good enough shrinks to nothing. Just a bit of extra thought can make all the difference between which pile I add content to.Change is a wonderful thing. Simplified it is like redecorating a room. You put thought into that, choosing paint and fabric with care after studying all choices. Whatever the final outcome, if done right, it will reflect your taste and comfort. It just seems to me that equal time and thought should be given to weightier issues. And beforehand sleeping is one valuable tool that can cut down on repairs needed later.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill, requires only our silence, which costs nothing. John Tillotson English prelate (1630 - 1694)I think many things that I never say. But negative thoughts are always escorted outside as soon as possible, before they can do any damage to anyone. To judge others would invite judgment upon me and I figure God has enough to do without my bothering him with something so petty.Silence is free and exercising it strengthens a basic bond between humans. We are all fallible and deserving of censure; looking at the faults of our fellow man through the filter of our own misdeeds makes it impossible to condemn. It just makes no sense to toss water on someone who is beside you in a leaking boat. You risk yourself as well as them with such actions.So next time you are tempted to pick at someone else's weakness with words that will only add to the burden they might already be carrying take time to reconcider. Use the golden silence time to tend to some of your own burdens. If you refuse to set yourself up as judge and jury then other people are less likely to flip the script and do likewise.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Confidence is the sexist thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part. Aimee Mullins, Oprah Magazine, May 2004I believe this soul deep. When I had none it was as if I were invisible, but I do not go unnoticed now. I walk with the attitude of someone who for better or worse owns their space. The pressure of life did not shrink me to nothing. Straining to push its weight off my shoulders taught me to stand tall and proud.A mouse does not live in this house anymore, never again will I allow any other human to shake my belief in my right to three square feet of comfort space. Confidence acts as a buffer against that and the fact that it gives a sensual impression is a perk that any sane woman and any man with good taste should appreciate.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein, (attributed)US (German-born) physicist (1879 - 1955)

Well, by Einstien's standards for insanity I have been a lunatic several times over during my lifetime, but not as often lately. Each of us must fight the urge to be predictable and wrestling against repeating mistakes is a good place to begin that exercise.

Trying another avenue takes a person through new landscape, dotted with possibilities for things not reachable any other way. A life with a healthy portion of unpredictable adventure seems much better than one littered with predictable repetitive action and reaction.

If I wander into the asylum I hope it is a much more interesting trip than from simply taking the same backward steps over and over. But I would much rather stay sane by being unpredictable enough to try new things, risking new mistakes. And flexible enough to hazard new solutions for old issues.

Monday, June 20, 2005

A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was "too crowded.""I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus.Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump. Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School"For two years she had saved for this offering of love. When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building. But the story does not end there...A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents. Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250,000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends.When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church, with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit Temple University, where thousands of students are educated. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time.In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russel H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds".This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS.Keep the inspiring emails coming George, never more than now I need the sound of encouraging words to keep my steps strong. I am caught in a spot, at the moment, that is keeping me from much forward motion. Fractured focus makes even the simplest task doubly hard. But the story above says it all. I will take comfort from that and struggle on with my Dime Store dreams.MISSED QUOTES:Friday, June 17, 2005---Fall seven times, stand up eight. Japanese ProverbI'm sure that the number of times I've fallen far exceeds that number, especially if I add the occasions I was knocked down to the final answer. I keep getting up, and I suspect I always will. The cost of staying down is just too steep. To strive is to risk failure, but it also promises success.Saturday, June 18, 2005---We spend most of our time and energy in a kind of horizontal thinking. We move along the surface of things?[but] there are times when we stop. We sit sill. We lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper. James Carroll, O Magazine, October 2002Our senses record memories precious to them, with such clarity, then place shortcuts upon the desktops of our minds. Anything can trigger a magical slide show that returns you, for a time, into vivid moments of long ago. But the triggers are always of the senses, time machines fueled by sound, taste, smell, sight, and touch. The trip usually begins with one, but involves them all to vivid degrees once the memory unfolds fully.

TODAY'S QUOTE:Monday, June 20, 2005---And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin US (French-born) author & diarist (1903 - 1977)I reached that day long ago, yet I struggle for its reality every day. The right to blossom belongs to every human, but you often have to fight for your fair share of sunlight. The fight has been worth it a million times over, so bloom with gusto, in the brightest color of happy, it's what I'm busy doing even in this shady place.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. "What food might this contain?"He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is of grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house."The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."The mouse turned to the cow. She said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to ENCOURAGE and when possible, HELP ONE ANOTHER.Thank you George for the email that soothed my troubled mind this morning when I was so very tempted to just walk away from this whole beautiful mess. I will do my very best to continue to try to climb this mountain, but be patient because I am walking wounded once more.This has brought into the open many shadows from the past. Issues with trust, irritation because NOTHING is ever easy for me, worry about time that should be spent on rewrites, etc, etc, etc; in an almost endless steam the issues rush from one side of my brain to the other without clear direction.I realize that there is a process that must be passed through to reach the other side of this heartache. I have been there so many times, back and forth across this landscape, and I know there are no shortcuts to reaching a resolution. But I do know to turn my back on this would break some promises I made. And Journey's End is all about walking the hard trail beside one another, not just simply walking away because someone else does.

TODAY'S QUOTE:An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.Mahatma Gandhi, (attributed)Endless bitch slapping of one another solves nothing, proves nothing, while earning a sore hand and a stinging face. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you is not an invitation for revenge, but a plea for mutual respect. If every injustice is returned with a pinch of I can do you one better added then each act will lead straight toward disaster. And that is simply not a direction I would ever willingly go.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Well, it's the 18th and I'm 3 days behind in my posting. I was blindsided by my site builder/webmaster and am left struggling to stay sane while I decide how to proceed. I guess this is another life test, but in some ways it seems like just a jumble of unanswered questions left over from someone else's testing. In my view it seems unfair since I've moved heaven and earth to stay online and do the tasks I'm committed to performing to the best of my ability. But life isn't fair. Being abandoned at this stage is hurtful in so many ways, not to me personally, it's my dream that is wounded and limping now. But I cannot control any heart except my own and that's just what I'm busy doing now. Not one tear was wasted over this dead horse, but I did kick it twice as I stomped by. The kicks were for my satisfaction only, I knew the horse wasn't gonna rise. Symbols were destroyed, not with hate, but because their season had ended.I hold no grudges, he is only doing what seems best to him for his own life. I can't fault him for that. I learned long ago that depending on others is often a foolish pastime, so I'll do what I can and hope for the best. I'll search for a replacement as soon as the dust settles inside my mind. I'll struggle on alone until then safe in the knowledge that as long as I do all I can I won't be plagued with what if's when it's all said and done.Good luck to you Sentex. I hope the dreams your chasing now reach heights never imagined. You paid the help I gave you forward, so in that way you succeeded in full measure. Our Journey's End grew from that, so it's better to celebrate what was gained than mourn what is left unfinished.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Riding in on someone else's coat tails would not suit very well with anyone with even half a clue. Why take a journey of this length and complexity and not give it all you possess. Coming from good stock does not guarantee goodness any more than coming from bad dooms badness, either way you have to earn what you end up with.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.Brian AdamsI have patience in abundance, which is a good thing since I have had to wait so long for even the simplest things. Nothing has ever come easy. But I believe effort is the exercise performed over and over to strengthen the level of patience a person possesses. And it just makes sense that the more times you try the more times you succeed. I just cannot stand the thought of failing simply because I stopped trying too soon.The space between failure and success is often miniscule. One more try might be all it takes, just a slight alteration of your approach might cross the finish line. Examples of the benefit of focus and dedication to any task fill every history book and science text. And each shares one common denominator---patience.Fear of the outcome is the door by which the bogeyman makes his destructive entrance. Once inside he fills an unwary mind with doubts that freeze intent and make backward the only comfortable direction to travel. If something is worth the effort of success then the attempt is worth the risk of failure. Patiently trying again simply tilts the odds in favor of the underdog.

Monday, June 13, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.Jill Churchill, O Magazine, May 2003I am glad there is no way to be perfect, so I do not feel quite as bad for being so very imperfect. I failed my children in a million ways, not with malice of forethought, but failure all the same. When they were small I failed to protect them, now that they are mostly grown I continue to not live up to even a shadow of the ideal.They have my love, even if they lack other things. I cannot change the things that helped pack the trunks that they carry. I cannot make up for abuse suffered, or slights of old that color the past in shadows for especially one. My sorrow for my failures is real, most times I think they forgive me. But I am smart enough to know that there are very complicated feelings involved that resurface from time to time.I do not mean to imply that there is trouble. My children and I deal with each other on a reasonable level. Much love exists on all sides. But they each suffered differently, the oldest most, the youngest hardly at all, and I see the way the past has molded things in their lives. I see the safe distance kept by one, the mighty struggle of another, the promises rarely kept by the next, and the independence of the youngest as traces of the past manifested in their reality. I am proud of their strengths and much to blame for any of their weaknesses.I was a much better wife than a mother. He deserved my alliance hardly at all, he certainly did little to earn it the first twenty years. I am lucky to have such forgiving children, and I pray that in some little way they can look back past my failures to find some good somewhere. I hope they look at me and realize that I am scared as well. I do not view it as a justifiable excuse, but it is the truth, all the same.If you live in an abusive relationship protect your children. Do not simply keep trying to fix the abuser and hope for the best. I had the joy of seeing a man change, but sometimes I ache with thinking of the price we all paid for his metamorphosis. He knew his guilt as well, and admitted it to the one he had hurt the worst, but left his daughter wondering about many things.Thank God she does not wonder about my willingness to help her overcome the obstacles the past placed in her path. I relate what I know first hand about things I begged him to write down himself. In real ways I am still mopping up the mess he left behind. Of all my children, she is the one that echoes the past in actions that mirror its negatives.My oldest rose above the rubble. The two youngest were mostly left rubble free. But my girl child lives daily in the shadow of the past, but she is becoming more aware of the why of things and that is the first step to change. The odds seem kind. If there are a million ways to be a good mother, I hope that each of my children can find at least one way that I was good, but if not I pray they can at least forgive my many failures.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes. Henry J. Kaiser, industrialist (1882 - 1967)Well, that quote could not have come at a more apt time. Trouble is hard at work in my life right now, work clothes soiled from long hours of slinging shit here and there. The end of the tunnel is within sight and I think I can stay afloat until tomorrow. With any luck the agony of all will be just repayment for a better life for my daughter and 6 of my grandsons. It will give her the opportunity to rebuild on her own terms, in any case.She tried hard not to be a bother. The kids were good, and only one medical emergency occurred in the time they stayed here. But with as many as 10 people living in a two bedroom mobile home it was bound to grate on everyone's nerves, which it did. And late night phone calls from inebriated hostile people was a straw that almost broke this camels back last night.I think it is a sad fact that humans torture one another in such asinine ways. Pestering and prodding a dead horse will not cause it to rise to its feet. Spite irritates the victim, but eats alive the one who acts at its command. Drama is a mean diet and will leave you twisted and bitter. Humans can be such brutal creatures. You may not agree, but that is my opinion for whoever cares. Stay out of other peoples business, unless invited to share, is the creed I live by. If I dislike you I do not share space, even in my brain. And when faced with drunken hostility in the middle of the night it is best to seem calm, even if you are not. Adding to the insanity of the moment would only have elevated it to heights beyond my control.Trouble makes you stronger. Trouble shouldered for others must earn extra muscle. I certainly view this trouble as opportunity in disguise. Mercy gifted to a family, and forgiveness to a man who seems to seek change might alter many lives. But if you begin a similar journey, turning off your phones at night is highly recommended.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music.George Eliot English novelist (1819 - 1880)Music demands interaction, not letting you stay immune to its touch. Some songs invade your mind, others go much deeper. Music speaks to us all, from the tone deaf to the totally deaf who respond to its rhythmic vibrations. It takes each of us to different highs and follows us to even our deepest lows.Music is a gift and the enjoyment is universal. God in all his wisdom gave us a universal language that transcends class and custom. To know a peoples music is to glimpse a peoples history because in music as in no other venue the roots of the past extend to the reality of today.I listen to Celtic music, and Native American flute music. I am neither, but the haunting beauty of both soothes my soul as nothing else will. I listen to oldies that echo of the summers of my youth. I listen to blues. I listen to new artists, not willing to miss out on any possibility for the special joy that music brings. I listen, and I respond. My soul know many dances and glories in them all.

Friday, June 10, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.Al Franken, "Oh, the Things I Know", 2002If to err is human, I have been very human indeed. Most mistakes have taught me some important lesson I learned soul deep. Others are still on the repeat until I overcome it mode that plagues us one and all. I am no more immune to the danger of blunder than anyone else.In youth we do not think forward past the moment as often as we should. In adulthood we think backward too much. Reaching a place were you look both ways before stepping off the curb means that you can avoid most mishaps. I am closer to that spot than ever in my lifetime, but I am still far from where I hope to be someday. And the effort necessary seems a good investment if it keeps me from being flattened by the same bus that hit me last time I traveled this road.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand.Ella Wheeler Wilcox, O Magazine, February 2004Years ago, I had reason to study the vast differences between how same sex friends and couples communicate with one another. After careful consideration I decided to make my mate a real friend. It just made no sense to live side-by-side with someone who knew less about who I really was than my best friend did. He did not replace my best female friend, but he did become the best friend I had ever had.I demanded from him the same treatment I received from my other friends and I gave as good or better than I got. Allowing him all the way inside fostered a trust and he gifted me with equal access to parts of him he had kept hidden for twenty years. The investment was costly, but the pay off was priceless.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. Edna St. Vincent Millay US poet (1892 - 1950)This quote speaks loudly to me, because I am dedicated to controlling the number of over and over things that I have to deal with. The practice began in my marriage, but it has filtered into every other area of my life. Fighting the same battles over and over is like being dragged into a time warp where scripted words echo on and on and endlessly on. By the third argument you know both parts verbatim.I found it helpful in my pursuit of peace to ask some gentle questions at the end of any battle that seemed resolved. I made certain that he had the same understanding of the final resolution as I possessed. It never was a term of surrender kind of thing, we always crafted an equal compromise that suited us both. A hug always signed the truce, and the no blame clause was sealed with a kiss before negotiations ended. Any further discussions on the same issues were expected to be done in a calm manner. This practice came in handy later for making re-fighting an impossibility. Nothing quite disarms an opponent more peacefully than an unwillingness to argue agreement signed by both.When instances occurred where scripted words began to take over the conversation then it was a simple thing to gently say, "We really aren't going to fight this same battle again are we?" Restating of past agreements, in a calm manner, always helped to soothe tempers; it is just so very hard to fight alone. Renegotiation was allowed, but another war for the same cause was not.The practice, once begun, became second nature. At work I just modified it, replacing smiles for hugs and kisses, but the results did not suffer any from the modifications. It is simply impossible to really argue for long with someone who refuses to shout back. The best defense is calm reason, delivered without malice.

But be aware that there are the ones who simply love to battle. I waste little time in their presence once I see there is no way to come to peaceful terms. And what I cannot avoid I simply face with a smile. I get much comfort from knowing how foolish they appear to others when they shadow box alone. It is much better to let them seem asinine to a crowd than to join your voice to theirs and seem just as foolish.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Optimism means expecting the best, but confidence means knowing how to handle the worst. Never make a move if you are merely optimistic. The Zurich AxiomsBy nature I am an optimist, but since I also know how to face whatever I must, agreeing with this quote is a no-brainer. I have always been an optimist. But I was not always confident. Before I learned to value myself, I was a mouse who did every thing I could to apologize for taking up space.I am a mouse no more. My awakening demanded that I take responsibility for the space I owned. I stopped saying sorry by word or deed for things that were not my own sorrows. Standing toe-to-toe with tragedy has given me enough practice to feel comfortable with using confidence as a tool to make travel easier.Confidence makes strides firmer. Belief in self gives a sense of security; no matter what happens, if you stay true to self, it will all work itself out in the end. And self assurance changes how others approach you. If a weakness is noticed there is always someone all too glad to wound you. But if you stand tall it makes your almost bulletproof.

Monday, June 06, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)Have you ever played the game where you whisper something in someone's ear then it travels around the room, but when it is repeated out loud it is not what was said in the first place. I call it the gossip game, because it mirrors what happens with words whispered by busybodies the world over. And truth or lie soon resemble one another if either is repeated often enough.A lie just travels faster. I think a lie is uncomfortable to the one who constructs it so they tell it quickly, like passing a hot potato. Maybe it holds enough heat through the first few tellings to keep it moving quickly. By the time it is cool it is so juicy that people cannot resist retelling it over and over, adding more spice as it goes.The truth gets distorted in the same way, yet in most cases it is not as apt to be so twisted as a lie. If you are dedicated to the truth it takes time to gather facts. If you realize that each truth, (even bad ones), has a reason for existing then it is important to know what spawned it. Telling a half truth is as bad as telling a lie. Most people with half a brain and a whole heart will simply leave well enough alone and let others tell their own truths, in their own way. A barefooted truth that never gets its shoes tied is much better than a bald-faced lie in hyper drive.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.Michael Pritchard

Laughter is a huge part of the formula for staying young inside, which transcends into agelessness. Humor helps keep everything in perspective. And glee is a perfect tool for balance. In my humble opinion, abandoning it due to age is asinine. When in your lifetime will you ever have more need of the pure joy that laughter brings?Serious issues have their own time and place, but humor can reach anywhere, so should never be left behind. Have you ever noticed how even the most serious things have lighter sides when viewed from a distance? Humor feeds you, being ridged feeds upon you. I choose not to be eaten.I would rather laugh than do most anything else. I am never unaware of other things, but use every opportunity to chuckle at a situation or at myself, if necessary. Dedication to keeping a positive outlook means that I am alert to the irony all around. And there is nothing quite as humorous as irony. I have had many occasions to use irony to soften the harshness of a mistake, and nothing works as well to sweeten a bitter moment.There is a lot to be said for the old saying, Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, but cry and you cry alone. And I would much rather laugh with a crowd than cry in solitary. How about you?

Saturday, June 04, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it.Margaret Fuller author & editor (1810 - 1850)When I discover a simple truth I am all too happy to share it, not to prove my wisdom but to spare others the pain involved in learning it first hand. If someone else has a better map for traveling through unknown territory I am happy to study it before just blundering blind into unfamiliar surroundings. I do not consider my way as the only way, but I do incorporate my comfort zone into anything I attempt to do. I am not above learning from others, yet I am not simply a sheep who follows the crowd. I am nobody's clone. Nowadays networking is a huge thing. We pick minds for shortcuts on everything we do, using that same technique on self related issues is just smart. I am less educated than most in some ways, yet better learned in others. The balance works for me, but I am always ready to be taught and eager to learn. And I have no agenda that demands you do anything special to receive my attention, or all the writing I do here would not be accessible with just a click.I am not some famous person who is making another buck by giving advice to the masses. I am quite ordinary, just like a lot of you who read here. And so far the experience has cost me, not paid me. But to me it is not about fame or fortune. It is about comfort and walking the lifepate that belongs to me, no matter what it costs, I am driven to do it.I was an unmarried mother just two weeks after my eighteenth birthday. I was a high school dropout. I was a abused wife. I was a failure at protecting my children from abuse. I was a nurses aide, who in the end nursed my mate from illness to death bed and beyond. I was a widow, who walked wounded in plain view of all. I was, I was, I was. Was, was long ago, a lot of miles have been traveled since then, and many more to come. I will never be satisfied to stagnate in place.I am is where I live now. My purpose is clear to me, even if I am not sure of my destination, I am always certain of my direction. If something I say lights a candle inside another mind or heart then the path gets better lighted for us both. The more that travel together to a worthy spot the better illuminated it is.

Friday, June 03, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.Ettiene De GrelletI just love this quote. What a joy it would be to live up to its poetic challenge. Reflecting upon it inspired a lingering look at my own actions, reminding me to use my time as wisely as possible. Everyone needs a reminder, from time to time, of what is truly important. It could not have come at a more opportune moment, when issues in my orbit are evolving at such a break-neck speed. One thing that makes it so difficult, right now, is I have no control over most of what is happening.But I do have control of my own actions, or at least most of the time I do. I sometimes allow the demands placed upon me to make me bitchy, when I am trying to work. That is where I am going to attempt to adjust my behavior in the days and weeks to come. I have opened my home to my daughter and her children. If I practice what I preach then we will all be better off for the time spent together. If I bitch my way through it, my only daughter will have moved from one trap into another. I will not allow myself to make her feel guilty for things that are not her fault.We will be good friends to one another. I will tell her when she is over-reacting, she will let me know when I am wearing an old lady shirt, which she did this very morning, (It has been demoted to sleepwear, just so you know.) We have to stick together, outnumbered as we are. With seven people living in a two bedroom mobile home, (nine on every other weekend, seven males versus two females) we have to be a united front, or surrender to the masses. NOT!!!!I believe that it matters much more how well we use time than how much time we have. If I only have a little time to convince my only girl-child that her opinion, her space, her happiness are all within her rights to have then holding my tongue about little irritations will be a small price to pay. I would not have her anywhere else in her time of a possible awakening. She is no bother, and besides I have a real terror of old lady anything. I am into ageless fashion, and I hope to wear it well.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.Magatma Gandhi Indian ascetic & nationalist leader (1869 - 1948)There is such truth in these words. I believe a lot of us over complicate things, looking for complex answers when it is most often a simple one that will resolve whatever situation we are in. And simplifying things should always start internally for the best possible outcome.Happiness that comes from internal balance is like an island where nothing dangerous can devour if you stay centered there. Darkness may fall, storms may rage, sharks may circle, but if you stand firm nothing will destroy land you own.The power of self is not something you give over to others to manipulate.I once made that mistake and suffered for twenty years because of expectations that someone else would fill all the empty spaces inside of me. That mistake was much more my fault than his. I repaired it, and now I spend time telling others the truths I discovered on my journey, so that all those years are more than wasted time.I utilize images to strengthen my resolve to accomplish things. Viewing balance in that light brings up the image of a tight rope walker. When that feat is first learned the rope is very close to the ground to insure safety, poles are used to make balancing easier. Practice makes perfect in all things attempted, and balance takes a lot to get it just right.Start with small steps, keep close to the ground, use whatever tools necessary, find your balance, capture your island, stay centered there and true happiness will be your certain reward.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

TODAY'S QUOTE:This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)Having a reason to function is a life changing force. Giving yourself over to a purpose then being used up for its sake is not a hardship. Ruts do not hold such delights, so I am very glad I climbed out of mine years ago. I just hate to ponder what bitterness my heart would hold now if I had continued to rut plod through life.If I had been abused right up until Jerry got ill and beyond how could I have given what was asked of me. How could I have kept a smile on a dyeing mans face with resentment driving my actions. Not a day passed in ten long months when I did not put on a happy face for his sake. And the cost to me was dear, and well worth every moment of comfort I proudly gave him.Day's tumbled one into the next, breathing mostly hurt, as if shredded glass was my air. I held him up then let him go with strong arms, while a silent scream echoed without release inside of me. I knew my time to voice it would come, it just was not necessary to make him hear it too.Bitterness comes from regret. I will never grow bitter from what happens to me, because I realize that it comes from inside out. It is not something that someone else forces upon you, but what you force upon yourself. It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it. Life is a series of choices, bitterness seems such a foolish option.