Raised Jewish, I am not entirely sure what the formal act of confession entails, but my posts on my summer obsession with the Chicago Cubs have been weighing on my conscience. There are things I haven’t told my loyal readers. Some things so dark and sinister that I fear my exile from Cubs nation. But, as the Cubs enter a three-game weekend series with the New York Mets and with my mother in town, it is now time to beg your mercy, come clean, and attempt to exorcise my demons.

Before I moved to Chicago in 2000, having only been to Wrigley once before, I practiced a different religion, one of the Flushing, Queens, variety. Some of my earliest sports remembrances of childhood are of Shea Stadium, the little diddy “Meet the Mets” (which, when they were awful, we would always be substitute “step right up and meet the Mets” with “step right up and beat the Mets”) being stuck in my head, and the Schaefer beer ads that were played after about every half inning. (As a brief tangent, in retrospect I’d like to know what marketing genius (?) came up with those Schaefer beer ads: “Schaefer is the one beer to have when you’re having more than one.” I mean, really, drink other beers if you’re going to drink responsibly, but if your goal is to get sloppy drunk–and taste doesn’t matter–then Schaefer is your beer.) And, I have such fond memories of some of the heroes of my youth: Tom Seaver, Jerry Koosman, Jerry Grote, Bud Harrelson, Joe Torre, Rusty Staub, Dave Kingman, Felix Milan, and then announcer Ralph Kiner.

Most Cubs fans think fatalistically of Ron Santo and the black cat incident at Shea on September 9, 1969, and the curse that beset the 1969 Cubs. Instead, I used to speak with a twinkle in my eye of those Amazing Mets. My first Mets “experience” came barely a month later, on October 16, 1969, two months before my birth. While Chicagoans were still smarting from the collapse of the Cubs and cursing the Mets’ improbable World Series victory in five games over the Baltimore Orioles, I was with my mother (albeit in the womb) celebrating the Mets triumph at Shea Stadium with 50,000 other fans.

From those pre-birth years through 2000, I was an avid Mets fan–in thick and, more usually, thin times–and though my father and brother liked the Yankees, from an early age I knew right from wrong and despised that evil empire that inhabits the Bronx. And, though I only virtually remember 1969 through the eyes of my parents, I remember better 1986, when the hearts of the Boston Red Sox were punctured once again. On October 27, 1986, however, I was not at Shea or at home watching the Mets game; instead, I was over at Giants Stadium watching the Jints beat the Washington Redskins on Monday Night Football. Nevertheless, I was able to “watch” the game, as it seemed almost everyone in the crowd went to the electronics store that day to purchase a portable TV–most still with the tags on, ostensibly because they would be returned the next day. The sets were shared communally, and most in the crowd had one eye on the game and one on a tv (or were listening on radio). Updates were provided regularly on the jumbotron, and when the final out came, the crowd went nuts, and I remember the teams on the field looking a bit befuddled by the bedlam that had broken out. So, since the Mets’ first game in 1962 through 1986, three World Series championships (including 1973). For the Cubs, 0 since 1908. Ouch.

Fast forward to 1990. My parents moved from New Jersey to Florida, and on April 5, 1993, were in attendance (with season tickets) to opening day for the Florida Marlins. They maintained an attachment with New York sports franchises (my father continued his Giants season tickets until his death in 2005), but they embraced this new Florida franchise as well. Indeed, sitting in my office at Britannica is a commemorative baseball–1 of 12,500 (says so on the ball)–from that opening game for the Marlins. In 2003 my Cubs were taking on my parents’ Marlins in the NLCS. While all of us Chicagoans remember the nightmare of Game 6 and he whose name must not be spoken, my parents came to regard Bartman as a hero who saved their World Series dreams. The Marlins went on to win that World Series, giving them their second championship since their founding in 1993. The Cubs were still stuck at 0 since 1908. Do you see a trend here?

The following year my parents came to Chicago to visit me–and more importantly, to go to Wrigley–and we had a blow up, as my father insisted on wearing his 2003 Marlins World Series T-shirt. This is where my civility and respect for elders broke down and my Cubs bonafides were built; I stubbornly told my father that I would not let him attend Wrigley if he wore that cursed T-shirt. My father eventually relented (since I would not have), and we happily attended the game, my father avidly cheering for his newest Cubs hero, the former Marlin and now Cub Derrek Lee, and the Cubs.

Even though my father ribbed me mercilessly about 2003 and Bartman, from him I got my respect for Wrigley and my passion for the Cubs. Before 2004 Wrigley was just a field, and the Cubs were just a team to root for–and, when the Mets and Cubs played, I had torn rooting allegiances, cheering for the team that was best positioned to go to the playoffs. When we arrived at Wrigley for that game–very early, I might add, since my father always had to see batting practice and eat his peanuts, usually leaving a mountain of shells on his shirt–I remember my father requiring us to circle the stadium to take it all in, with me at first rolling my eyes. Even though he had been to Wrigley many times before, the trip always had mythical meaning for him. And, even though I knew the history of Wrigley and the Cubs, it was really through his giddy eyes (a 74-year-old with a twinkle of a 15-year-old) that I realized how special Wrigley was and how lucky I was to be a Chicagoan and to have the Cubs.

So, now when the Mets come to town, there are no torn loyalties. I may have been born and raised a Mets fan, but come this weekend, I’ll be out there bleeding my Cubbie blue with the zeal of a convert. Go Cubs Go!