So Show Me, You

As it is wellness Wednesday and halfway through March (can you believe how much time has passed by already!?), I think it’s time for some introspection.

To start us off, here is a poem I found by Margaret J. Wheatley entitled “Illusion.”

“Too much of our action is really reaction.

Such doing does not flow from free and independent hearts but depends on external provocation.

Such doing does not flow, it depends on external provocation.

It does not come from our sense of who we are and what we want to do,

but from our anxious reading of how others define us

our anxious reading of how others define us

our anxious reading of how others define us

and of what the world demands.

When we react in this way we do not act humanly.

The true professional is one who does not obscure grace with illusions of technical prowess,

the true professional is one who strips away all illusions to reveal a reliable truth

a reliable truth in which the human heart can rest.

Can rest.

Can unveil the illusions that masquerade.

the illusions that masquerade as reality and reveal the reality behind the masks.

The reality that frees us from being cogs in a machine.

From being cogs in a machine whose every move is forced,

by what is happening elsewhere in the interlocked system of cogs.”

– Margaret J. Wheatley

The fact is, we wear masks. We wear social masks that enable us to interact and survive within society, which is why we are different around our friends, our family members, our professional network, and most importantly, in the comfort of our own self. It is a natural human tendency to protect our true selves from the scrutiny of the outside world.

What mindfulness helps us do is acknowledge and understand these versions of ourselves so that we can accept our fully integrated self. Without this crucial balance, we risk creating a disconnect between our true selves and our outside realities. We protect ourselves to avoid getting hurt, but may miss the opportunity to get to know ourselves and develop genuine connections with other people.

I want to introduce a social-psychological and mindfulness-based concept of the “social-self” vs. the “essential (real)-self.” Realizing this difference changed my life and allowed me to focus my energy on what really makes ME happy, vs. being too concerned with how others perceive me, to the point where I almost “lost myself”.

The fact of life is, “no matter what you do, you cannot please everyone.”

So, the best and most logical thing to do is be YOU.

To recognize your social self, consider how we:

1. Constantly compare ourselves to others in society to decide what is socially “expected” or “acceptable” to be.
2. Care about how others see us in society and do at we can to ensure positive evaluations.
3. Feel the need to protect our egos from rejection of our true and most real selves.
4. Rebel too much from the self we are expected to be, creating a reaction action, and not an authentic one.
4. Don’t like to acknowledge our negative/non-conforming traits – because this scares us, we don’t show them.
5. Feel a cognitive dissonance (discomfort) between our real feelings and exhibited actions.

To develop your true essential self, think about:

1. What truly makes you happy, tick, interested, passionate, and thrive 😀
2. What thoughts, beliefs, talents, words and actions come from a deep-place within
3. What actions coincide with your values. Think about what you did today.

“In a world where everyone wears a mask, it’s a privilege to see a soul”