Monday, July 19, 2010

Drop dead gorgeous

Dead Good Funeral Directors, of Liss, will be celebrating its fourth anniversary this year, by holding an open day on Tuesday July 27.

The funeral parlour is encouraging locals of all ages to “drop in” and has invited suggestions for activities in an effort to increase the public’s awareness of the whole burial process.

Those interested in horticulture can try their hand at touching up and adjusting wreaths that have arrived from florists in disarray.

Transport enthusiasts will be able to ride around Liss and the surrounding area in the back of a superb 1968 Cadillac limousine hearse, driven by the company’s receptionist, the delectable Dee Mize. This should whet passengers’ appetite for that final ride - what a way to go.

The more dextrous might like to have a go at embalming, a skill that has been practised for millennia but is still carried out today.

Rick Tuss speaking on behalf of Dead Good was particularly enthusiastic about this activity.

He said: “This really is a chance for the general public to try something that they would not ordinarily get an opportunity to do. We have a couple of likely candidates living locally who we are expecting will require some preservation work at about that time.”

If all this seems a little mundane and you fancy something a bit more thrilling, Dead Good has just the thing for you. There will be three opportunities to be buried alive and scared witless overnight in the parlour.

Three lucky members of the public will be sealed in silk-lined coffins, after taking a mild sleeping draft, which should mean that they wake up sealed inside the coffin, at around midnight.

Funeral parlour staff will arrive at 9am the next morning to release the three candidates from their coffins to see how they have coped with the extraordinary experience.

Tuss said: “This is many people’s worst nightmare. We have all heard tales of how people were buried alive by mistake and this will give some lucky villagers the chance to see how that must have felt.

“When the three come round, they will still be dazed from the drug, will realise they are in a coffin and really believe they are buried alive. This has got to be more exhilarating than any ride at any theme park.

“I need to stress that any damage or scratching of the inside of the coffin will need to be paid for, but this is a chance for the more adventurous out there.”

We have been asked to make clear that those taking part will need to provide evidence of life assurance cover and sign a waiver to say they are happy with the risks involved. They will also need to agree that Dead Good get the business should anything untoward happen.