Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Howard Dean Tells Democrats "Don't vote."

Washington D.C. - A confident Howard Dean, Chairman of The Democratic National Committee, said today that democrats shouldn't bother to vote next week on election day. Encouraging the Liberal voting base to stay home, Dean said the DNC considers the November election over and that all democratic candidates were elected and have won. He declared that democrats are now the majority party.

Appearing on ABC's "Good Morning America", a jubilant Dean told host Charlie Gibson, "Our message to our constituents is for them to stay home on election day, we've already won! There's no doubt about it, we've won the election, it's over! And now we're going to immediately begin impeachment proceedings against Bush and Cheney! We're going to immediately begin cutting and running from Iraq and Afghanistan! We're going to immediately raise taxes!"

Dean tells an incredulous Gibson, "We've already won the election!"

A puzzled Gibson asked Dean how he could possibly consider his own words accurate since voting hasn't taken place and no votes have been counted. Appearing irritated by the question, Dean replied, "Look Charlie, we're jumping the gun like we always do. Accuracy has never been our strong point! We've already decided that we've won! What more is there to it that you don't understand?"

Gibson, following up on Dean's answer, noted that the U.S. Constitution's template for elections contradicts Dean's statements. Dean remained unfazed answering, "that's just a bunch of hooey that the Bush and Cheney Administration and the United States Military Industrial Complex would like for you to believe. People like Karl Rove and companies like Halliburton. That's what they want you to believe, Charlie, that's what they want you to believe. We're going to start acting like the winners we already consider ourselves to be."