May 14, 2012

Owning My Lame

Recently, someone I know mistook a 'tongue and cheek' comment on my twitter as a personal attack. I don't know what's more upsetting - the fact that someone I know and love took any of my hyper-dramatized rantics (yeah, I just made a new word) in place of reality, or the fact that I now know that people parooze my timeline without following me. DUDE! If I wanted cyber stalkers, I'd much prefer ones that want to have sex with me.

Just sayin'!

Oh, and one more thing...

If any of you follow me on The Twitter, you know I spew out a lot of shit - and yes, much is directed at family members - but that's the place to vent and have some fun. Take a couple steps back from our stressed out, often ridiculous lives and type out some shots... and then 10 seconds later, it's buried and gone into the Twittersphere's abyss of endless words and emoticons.

If people truly follow my tweets, you would know that out of my almost 30,000 tweets, I'd say that about 25,000 are self-deprecating. And I'm OK with that. I find it rather entertaining and I don't take any of my personal insults... well... personally.

And I don't do it because I am cool with self loathing, because I'm not. Au contraire; I think I'm awesome, but I am able to laugh at all the lame things I do and say and watch and feel.

I think people would be A LOT less susceptible to hurt feelings, and even bullying, if we could all be more self aware about our qualities and actions that are perhaps a little bit quirky. Instead of curling into millions fetal positions all across the world while we get metaphorically kicked in the nuts with words, we should laugh along with them and say, "Yeah, OK. Ya got me. I know it's lame but I love it. So. Fucking. What."

Then, what would or could they do?

Nothing.

So, here are a few things of mine that I totally realize range from mildly lame to completely ridonk!

1. I watch Days of Our Lives AND Young & the Restless every gawd damn day.
Ask me something - whatch'you wanna know? I got your updates or back stories for the last 20 years, like an over achieving drug dealer... except with far fetched plot lines.

2. I own two pairs of Crocs and they are so fucking comfortable.

3. I also own two pairs of polyester pants - like the kind from Walmart. When I worked there and had to fold them, I laughed my ass off, thinking, "Who the fuck wears these? Some old grannies?" Yup. Now this fat granny ass fills them, and I LOVE that they have an elastic waist and they are wash n' wear.

4. I collect figurine turtles. Like... a lot of turtles. From all over the world. Or given to me by family (or even some from ex-boyfriends) Meh. They all have a story - which I've cataloged and colour coded with stickers underneath each turtle. Seriously.

5. And for the past 20 minutes, I've been balling my eyes out over the series finale of Desperate Housewives.

OMG, I collect turtles, too. Much cooler than the current owl fetish going around. Shocked about the crocs though. Shocked. Twitter is fickle place, no longer a safe haven for snarky comments. {And I just found out yesterday that MY MOTHER now has a twitter account! If my MIL gets on there I'm tossing my laptop out the window.}

I'm disturbed by that list but mostly that someone would take offence at anything you'd say. Like wtf lighted up people. Cunt Dragon even acknowledges you exist it's a damn good day. No suck up you're just cool and according to that list a dork.

I wear crocs ALL THE TIME and they are so fucking comfortable I don't care if they are ugly. Got my mary jane crocs on right fucking now....yeah, start with me bitches! LOL!!I love the turtle thing, that is so cool. I collect shot glasses and thimbles. Oh and matchbooks from silly places and snow globes. Yeah I collect a lot of shit. Get over it