I think how you respond depends on what type of reaction she's looking for. Is she looking for gushing thank yous for helping your son? Is she doing it to twist the knife in your back that you're not helping him? Is it to show you she's such a wonderful caring family member?
Motive means everything here.

Probably the best response would be a dismissive "Oh, how nice" and then a move forward statement like for instance, "were you aware that tea in China is getting more expensive?"...
That's like saying IDGAF and FOAD all at once, KWIM?
That makes you the winner.

Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6063 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise

simplydevastated♀ 25001Member # 25001

Posted: 1:51 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013

I think Sad nailed it. In my frame of mind today the best thing I could come up with is to say "What? I can't hear you. What?" as loud as I could. But that wouldn't be good.

In similar situations I have said things like, 'H and I have been doing what we've thought was best with DS. You handle it the way you see fit, but your relationship with him doesn't involve me, obviously you need to do what you're comfortable with.'

But as I hear it in my head it seems like you don't even have to say that much.

I think Sad has the right idea.

Suppressing your feelings only locks them in place.

Posts: 52133 | Registered: Sep 2007

karmahappens♀ 35846Member # 35846

Posted: 3:14 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013

Wow...wow

Sad, you did nail it, but I had to leave work and I called her as I left...because I think AN and I were separated at birth I essentially said this

'H and I have been doing what we've thought was best with DS. You handle it the way you see fit, but your relationship with him doesn't involve me, obviously you need to do what you're comfortable with.'

I laughed when I saw your response AN, cuz thats what I told her...

Thanks everyone. She actually called to tell me they would not be giving him the money for court

They paid his car insurance one day last week and he was supposed to go over the next day...he didn't return.

So, are you ready....she said ...KARMA YOU WERE RIGHT WE ARE HEART-BROKEN BUT OUR HELP WON'T HELP HIM

I told her it wasn't a matter of being right and that she and FIL had to get to this place on their own.

She then went on to apologize for calling the way they did and said if we needed their support we had it.

Knock me over with a feather....

I am still sad for my son and his choices, but at least there is hope he will find his way.

Thank you so much for your support, it means the world to me.

ETA: They are still borderline assholes, it will take more than this to erase the nickname

Wow. I'm impressed with your in-laws that they got it so quickly. I'm even more impressed with how you've handled it. There is nothing more difficult than knowing when not helping your child is the best thing you can do for them and then following through with it.

((karma))

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.

Posts: 468 | Registered: Aug 2012

karmahappens♀ 35846Member # 35846

Posted: 10:39 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013

Thanks guys. Definitely the most difficult sitch we have ever been through. Emotionally draining and has the potential to rip a family apart.

We try so hard to consider what's best and do the right thing.
I appreciate the support.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd