I am a woman in my forties with multiple responsibilities as a solopreneur, wife, mother, and daughter. Plus, I add on hormonal changes, which are a whole different type of stress. I don’t know any women my age who aren’t dealing with various kinds of stress. But I know my demographic isn’t the only one with stress.

Have you ever wondered how your stress compares to another person’s? Or what life events scientists have found to cause the most stress?

I answered yes to both. In a search for an answer, I discovered the Holmes – Rahe Life Stress Inventory. The questionnaire rates social readjustments according to the amount of stress they induce. The inventory lists 43 different life-changing events that cause stress.

Can you guess the top 10 life events that cause the most stress?

How do your guesses compare to this list?

Death of a spouse

Divorce

Marital separation from a mate

Detention in jail or other institution

Death of a close family member

Major personal injury or illness

Marriage

Being fired at work

Marital reconciliation with a mate

Retirement from work

What are the other 33 stressors?

A major change in the health or behavior of a family member.

Pregnancy

Sexual difficulties

Gaining a new family member (birth, adoption, older adult moving in)

Major business readjustment

A major change in financial state (better or worse)

Death of a close friend

Changing to a different line of work

A major change in the number of arguments with spouse

Taking on a mortgage

Foreclosure on a mortgage or loan

A major change in responsibilities at work (promotion or demotion)

Son or daughter leaving home

In-law trouble

Outstanding personal achievement

Spouse beginning or ceasing work outside the home

Beginning or ceasing formal schooling

Major changes in living conditions

Revision of personal habits

Troubles with the boss

Significant changes in working hours or conditions

Changes in residence

Changing to a new school

A major change in usual type and/or amount of recreation

A major change in church activity

A major change in social activities

Taking on a loan

A major change in sleeping habits

A major change in the number of family gatherings

A major change in eating habits

Vacation

Major holidays

Minor violations of the law

What do you notice about this list of life’s stressors?

Here’s what stood out to me. As expected, most of these events are negative. But what surprised me is the number of events that are positive or open to interpretation. It’s important to recognize positive events can also cause stress in our lives.

In short, the more change you have in your life, the more stress you have in your life.

I also found it interesting that four of the top 10 life stressors are related to marriage: divorce, separation, marriage, and reconciliation. Planning a wedding and preparing to enter into a marriage can be incredibly stressful. If you honeymoon that year, you add in vacation-related stress too.

In the last year, have you experienced many of the life events on the inventory? Yes or no, visit here to access a PDF or online version of the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory yourself.

If you score 300 points or more, you have an 80% chance of a health breakdown in the next two years. Yikes.

If you scored 150 to 300 points, you’ve got a 50% chance of a health issue in the next two years. (This is where I scored, which confirmed with a number that I’d had a stressful year. This was in large part due to health crises for two family members.)

If you scored 150 points or less, you have a relatively low amount of life change which also equals lower stress. You have less susceptibility to stress-induced health breakdowns. Lucky you.

Embrace your stress

If you scored 150 points or more, Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal’s research might reassure you. Stress gets a bad rap, and it is not all bad. She has written a book, The Upside of Stress, which I’ve added to my to-read list. The book argues embracing stress and practicing at getting better at dealing with it makes us stronger, smarter, and happier.

If you don’t have time to read the book I recommend this article on McGonigal’s research or her TED talk on making stress your friend.

I also recommend having a trusted, go-to list of self-care practices. Here are mine. What forms of self-care do you use to practice getting better at dealing with your stress?

Kelsey Cleveland is a Desire Map facilitator and writer. She helps intelligent, highly-educated women over 40 uncover their desires so they can design personal and professional lives that feel good. Sign up to visit the YOUniversity library to be inspired to create your life with intention guided by your Inner GPS.

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

How to stop stress from stealing your joy

“People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.”