Angela: (popping aspirin) I don’t have a headache. I’m just preparing.

Creed covering his ass

Creed: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job.

Dwight welcoming the reporter

Dwight: You’ve been granted level three security. Don’t get too excited, that’s out of 20.

Andy’s high school girlfriend

Andy: I had no idea (she was so young).
Jim: That’s not going to help you in court.

Andy: Who was that guy talking to her at her locker?
Jim: Not important. Because you’re not dating her. Because it’s a felony.

Dwight’s thoughts on the watermark

Dwight: May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual. Both animals were smiling.

Dwight: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. A couple of chickens doing a goat with a couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.