Monday, March 26, 2012

I often wonder how other people do it. How do they (and they is usually women-folk) manage a household, raise kids, cook, clean, work 40+ hours (at least some of them do) outside the home and still have the energy to make art?

I don’t get it. Really, I don’t.

But then I look back to when I was younger, even up until about 5 years ago, when I was able to do all of those things and still have energy left to do lots more. I could stay up late, get up early and go, go, go all the time.

Not now. I haven’t been able to work for almost 2 years and I do good to get the laundry done for just me & Richie in less than 2 full days....I have to take naps, and rest far too often. Guess that’s why it’s called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, huh? It just gets so tiring having to battle all my health demons. I keep asking my doctor when (or if) I will ever feel better but he doesn’t have any good answers other than to take good care of myself, take my meds and give it time.

Time is something I’m in short supply of...I want to feel better NOW! My life is passing me by and I am tired of not feeling like an active participant in it!

*sigh*

Enough of that! Just more of my thinking.

I have been working for the past few days to get everyone’s supply purchases packed up and ready to mail but I still have a few left to pack up so I should have them all in the mail by Thursday or so. Thanks for your patience, everyone.

We did make it to the beach this past Sunday. Just me, Richie and our little Kirby. We always have the best, most relaxing time when we go on those early morning trips like this. I just sat and took pictures and enjoyed watching Kirby chase the waves as they come in and recede back, Richie testing the water, and the gulls and pelicans swooping down at the water.

Tell me that Kirby isn’t the most precious pup you’ve ever seen1 I just laugh and laugh at him the whole time we’re there.

The beach is very much my peaceful place and I really love our little private spot that we normally go to hang out and enjoy the beach and our privacy.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I am most definitely NOT a beer drinker. At least not on a regular basis. But since we moved here to Pensacola we have found the absolute coldest beer I have ever had the pleasure of putting to my lips in the 30 years that I have been tasting beers. (I’m actually more of a wine girl but actually don’t drink much of anything alcoholic these days. Anyway...) Our local Logan’s Roadhouse really does have the absolute coldest beer anywhere.

I swear that I do have a point in telling y”all this...

Saturday was our 6th Anniversary. We aren’t always big on celebrations or even holidays lately (hard to be celebratory when you’re broke, ya know?) but this anniversary was one we wanted to celebrate. Things have just been so rough for us the past few months. Moving here has been wonderful, we love Pensacola, but it isn’t without its share of problems...mostly financial but also my health, too.

But things have began looking up a bit for us...Richie got word that he was getting a nice little raise and he is in line to become a District Manager (either in the Destin, Florida district or in the Tampa area once a group of stores in that area are bought out by the company.) Add to that my upcoming disability appeal hearing this Friday that I am very hopeful will be successful this time.. *crossing fingers* We have hope again...and it’s been a long time coming.

With our hopeful outlook and some good changes coming down the pike added to our Anniversary, we decided to celebrate. Nothing sounded better than a relaxing night out with some very cold beer, a good meal and just being together.

Our celebratory night out didn’t disappoint. Not at all. And it was something we both needed more than we realized. (Not the best pic but it was rather dark in Logan’s and I took it with my iPhone but you get the idea. Oh, and yeah, those are my new teeth. *grin*)

So that’s what our weekend consisted of...well, that and my poor husband working every single day. I couldn’t be prouder of him...he works so hard and does such an awesome job. Not to mention what great care he takes of me. Y’all have no idea of just how much Richie really does for me, especially since I’ve grown sicker.

I just had to brag on him a little...he’s just the best. How did I get so lucky?

Yesterday I tried to get a little more energetic than usual (I have NO energy these days so everything is a struggle) and did a little cleaning, some laundry (the bane of my existence), and made some no bake cookies. You know, the ones made with butter & sugar & cocoa & peanut butter & oats.

I shouldn’t love those dang things so much but I do and I have been jonesing for them for weeks. Now that I’ve made them and eaten a few too many, I think I need to send the rest to work with Richie tomorrow. If I don’t, I’m afraid I may slip into a diabetic coma soon. lol

Thanks for all your great comments on my latest two videos. It really encourages me to do more of them for y’all. In fact, I think I’ll try and work on a new one for ya today or tomorrow.

Hope things in your lives are going smoothly and life is treating each of you with the greatest of kindnesses.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

On December 1st, 2001 I was forced to have all of my upper teeth pulled. Thanks to some advanced gum infections that didn’t want to heal (thanks diabetes!) all of my upper teeth became loose almost over night. So having them pulled was unavoidable but also very devastating to me.

I’m only 46 years old, I shouldn’t have to be confronted with getting dentures at my age.. Not yet. Sheesh!

You guys have no idea how hard this entire journey has been for me. I have not had any pictures taken over the past 90 days because who wants to be captured toothless? I have no desire to really remember how I’ve felt or looked for the past 3 months, either (although my daughter came to visit and did sneak a few but was kind enough to catch me with my mouth hidden.) This ordeal has really hit my self-esteem hard. I haven’t even wanted to leave the house out of embarrassment.

All of the emotions this horrid event has caused in me (including crying jags for no apparent reason) has also bled over into most every other part of my life...I haven’t done any of the art journaling videos I want to do, I haven’t felt like being in my art journal the way I normally do, I have began really doubting my creativity and I’ve found myself so depressed and out of sorts and I believe it’s a little related to winter but it’s also related to the loss of my teeth.

I never thought I would be so happy to get dentures but yesterday I got my “new” teeth. It’s strange, for sure, and there is a huge learning curve to eating and drinking with them but I’ll get there. You don’t know how much you depend on your teeth and how intertwined our self-esteem is in those kinds of things until you lose them..

It’s only been a day but I can already tell that my mood is improving. I think that very fact will bring me back around into being my old self again. Up until now I had only told my closest family and one of my girlfriends (who has been kind enough to sorta see me through this since she’s been where I am –Thanks S) but I just felt it was important record this for myself and to somewhat explain my disappearance.

Add to that the death of my wonderful next door neighbor last Thursday! Ms. Nola was the first friend I made here. She was the kindest, most wonderful woman and, at 92 years old, she was still very young at heart. Definitely the coolest 92 y/o I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing.

Almost every single day since I have lived here, she and I had a little daily pow-wow outside our front doors. We talked about all sorts of things...art, feeding the squirrels, family, aging, just every subject under the sun. I never failed to learn something from that dear, sweet lady. In just nine months I learned so much from Ms. Nola.

I miss her each day and the void that her death has left in my life will remain for a very long time. Rest in peace, Ms. Nola...I miss you so very much.

Whew!

Too emotional right now.

Anyway, just sharing my stuff...even though it’s not happy-happy-joy-joy. Just keepin’ it real here, ya know?.

I hope you’re all doing well, feeling artsy, having good days & good times.