Monthly Archives: August 2011

Aside from those lifestyle changes, I have made personal and emotional changes, too.

I have realized that the people who matter don’t care about my weight and, the people who do care or judge me because of it really do not matter.

The people who really care and truly matter love me…
These (wonderful) people love me NOT based on my dress-n-jean size…
These (amazing) people love me for me… They smile and positively regard my perfectly imperfect imperfections…

My worth to them is most definitely NOT measurable by weight in pounds. My worth to them is based so much deeper and more significant and meaningful than that…

My worth is based on my HEART and on my SOUL and all these beautifully immeasurable qualities, characteristics and ideals…

For years I have measured my own sense of self-worth by my outward appearance…by my weight and how I looked (or, how I thought or felt I looked) in my own skin. And, let me tell you, I haven’t always or commonly felt fabulous in my own skin. Even today, I still have my moments…some moments last mere moments while others last for moments upon moments. Isn’t it a beautiful thing that Every day is a NEW day, each with a new sunrise and a new sunset…?

My weight is NOT my Worth…

My weight is NOT my worth to those who really care and really matter…

To those who really care and really matter, my worth is immeasurable. Previously unbeknownst to me, this has almost always been the case…

For the first time in, well, ever, I can say, aside from other people in my life feeling this way, SO DO I! I no longer weigh my worth in pounds or in appearance or in superficial regard. To others who matter and to me whom really matters, my weight is not by worth.

A friend of mine planted this idea in my head the other day…he said he was living by only one single motto this summer:
Saying YES…
…to anything anyone asked him to do!I thought, wow…that is genius! And, I thought about it more… and more… and, that is exactly what my summer has been like; but, instead of saying yes to others,I am saying YES to ME…

All summer I have been saying yes… to whatever I want to eat, wherever I want to go, whomever I want to meet or talk to and, most importantly, I have been working towards saying YES to my heart and my head at the same time.

I remember when I sought counseling for the first time ever a few months ago, my therapist mentioned a writer to me (whose name I have sadly forgotten!) who wrote a book based around this very idea. (I have to find this book…) From what I know of the book, this in-recovery disordered eater took time off…

This summer I have taken time off… she and I have taken time off from guilt and from shame and from calorie counting and body obsessing. We have taken time off from the two most fear-laden things in this world: food and my body.

My body, I have now learned, is resilient and strong. This body has taken many-a-beatings from food I have either kept it from or drowned it in for years. This summer, I eat when I want to eat and what I want to eat, and, more importantly, I don’t when I don’t want to. And, what do ya know…?? I have discovered that the world as I know it will not end sans obsession! It doesn’t even skip a beat when I don’t worry or ruminate. In fact, it smiles back at me and says, there ya go girl! Keep on saying YES.

I have just been saying YES. I’ve let go of the heavy and overbearing pressure of being “good” and I have just said YES. This has been my SUMMER OF YES!

“Pressure busts pipes”

…my dearest friend David always said that to me. He usually was referring to a pool game we’d be playing out at a bar but, yes David. David had lots of insightful things to say. And, this one is just absolutely, undeniably true.

Pressure busts pipes… pressure pressure pressure. Pressure I put on myself. Pressure the media and faux advertisements put on me. Pressure the shape of jeans and tank tops put on me. Pressure busted my pipes for years. I had been a broken, leaking pipe for quite some time. But, no more.

I will not succumb to such air-brushed, photo-shopped standards. NO MORE. I will let go of and just ignore its pressure and I will be ME the way in which I was made by my wondrous Creator. I will continue to only succumb to ME and my heart!