Reflecting on 2019 // Welcoming 2020

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Every New Year, as the bells ring to celebrate the dawning of another year, I think to myself “hopefully this one will be better than the last”.

And every time the coming year is a little bit shit.

It’s entirely possible that as I sip my dram to celebrate the end of one year and wish for the next to be better, I’m setting myself up for disappointment. Or maybe I’ve grossly underestimated how rubbish adulthood can actually be.

Last year was a difficult one for my family. At Easter, my maternal grandmother passed away rather suddenly, which, in a way, was a blessing in disguise. It was quick, and she didn’t suffer, which she no doubt would have done had she not passed when she did.

She was a proper Highland lass; fierce, pragmatic and hard-working, she was not the kind of woman to take shit from anyone. However, she was also incredibly loving and warm, with her home acting as the central point that brought my mother’s side family together. I miss her something terrible.

We also came incredibly close to losing another this year. While it’s not something I wish to discuss on my blog, I want to remind everyone that talking about mental illness can be difficult for many. We need to fight against the stereotypes and stigmas that hold us and our loved ones back from getting the support we need. Too many people are suffering, and while I feel like people are becoming more aware of how important it is to take care of the mind, there’s still plenty to be done to ensure those who are suffering are getting the help they desperately need.

While everything surrounding what happened is painful and sad, I’m incredibly lucky to have such wonderful and supportive people in my life. Things are looking more positive, and my family and I are hopeful about the future.

Speaking of the future, 2020 is the year I turn 30. The “dreaded three-oh”. Except, I’m not dreading it. At least not yet, my birthday isn’t until November, so I’ve still got plenty of time for The Fear™ to set in.

I imagine being 30 will be very similar to being 29. However, starting a new age decade seems to be almost like starting a New Year. It’s an opportunity to put everything that didn’t serve me in the previous year (or in this case, the last ten years) behind me and only take what does serves me forward. My 20s were a real mixed bag full of high highs and low lows, and I feel ready for something a little more steady. Hopefully, my 30s will provide that stability I need.