A health insurance company is touting what some might think sounds like a great idea, a gift card that can “cover out-of-pocket expenses related to personal health and wellness.” Perfect for sick friends and ailing relatives, right? Well a Pittsburgh paper got one of the Highmark-branded cards and was able to buy from Rite Aid: cigarettes, chewing tobacco, Doritos, fudge brownies, Butterfingers, Hot Pockets, Mountain Dew, and a plastic World Wrestling Entertainment World Championship belt.

Nothing says “I love you, Mom,” like some more medicine for her diabetes, or “You’re the best, Dad,” like a refill of nitro tablets. That’s why the health insurance company Highmark is offering new Healthcare Visa Gift Cards—for about $5 plus an unspecified shipping and handling fee, you can load it with anywhere from $25 to $5,000 to be used exclusively on medical expenses. After the first 9 months, the card emerges from the womb of “I already paid for this!” and starts charging you a monthly $1.50 maintenance fee. Won’t your kid be excited come Christmas morning when she finds out her staph infection is going to get treated?!