Owner Mick took us through a tasting from ‘girlie’ (ie Longboard pale ale) right through to ‘rusty’ and black beers. With names like Parkyn’s Shark Oil, Barbeerian Wit and Dirty Deeds Dunkelweizen, you can be sure that the stories behind the brews are as colourful as the beers themselves. Mick also claims that you can drink ten pints and not wake up with a hangover due to the pure ingredients. Umm, Mick … I’m not so sure about that.

There is something a little bit VIP about being one of the first guests to stay in a brand spanking new hotel. Open for just three weeks, Quality Suites Pioneer Sands is spotlessly clean and shiny. The rooms are enormous and come complete with kitchen, lounge and not one, but two bathrooms. There are beach-inspired photographic prints on the wall (thank god – no tired old landscapes to torture my delicate aesthetic sensibilities) and a colour scheme of blues, greys, creams and whites. And there is a pool. And there is lots of parking. And it is perfectly quiet. And I think I want to move in.

I often joke that I was raised by mountain goats but I’m not really joking. I really was raised by mountain goats and that’s why I have a deep appreciation for a view that I didn’t have to clamber up a rocky precipice to see. The Illawarra Fly is a suspended walkway that soars amidst the treetops and gives the idle ambler an uninterrupted view to the sea. Ahhh, nice. But you know what was even nicer? The breakfast that they served in the cafe. I am shallow like that.

Imagine a Happy Meal for grown ups and you should have a fairly clear picture of this. You get four tasting glasses of the Coolangatta Estate grown wines (my favourites were the Savagnin and the Chambourcin) to accompany a tasting platter of local oysters, a ceviche-style Tahitian fish salad, a sweet Thai beef and vermicelli dish, a salad with regional manzanillo and kalamata olives and small cow feta, oven roasted tomatoes, a pickled cucumber salad, some local brie and almond bread, as well as a twee little herbed flowerpot damper. Yum.

5. The fudge fridge in Kangaroo Valley

On the outskirts of Kangaroo Valley, there stands a fridge at the end of a driveway. Inside this fridge, you will find a bounty of about ten types of fudge, coconut ice, toffee, rocky road and a honesty box. For between $3 – $4 a pop, you can load up on more sugar than is prudent. I recommend the lemon butter fudge and the maple pecan toffee. Cheap thrills, my friends.

Where the bloody hell is Burrill Lake? It’s just south of Ulladulla. What the bloody hell is a jumping pillow? THE FUNNEST THING EVER INVENTED. It’s a giant inflatable rubber pillow that you can jump up and down on like an ultra bouncy trampoline. So fun. And potentially quite good for you because we were all pretty puffed out after two minutes of exuberant bounding.

Whenever I see dolphins, it’s as though my head gets filled with Fruit Tingly effervescence. I am a tragic hippie and like many tragic hippies before me, I feel a certain affinity with dolphins. Cue pan pipes and tinkly wind chimes. Dolphins look like they are having so much fun all the time. Like if they could talk, all they would ever say is ‘wheeeeeeee!’. If you love dolphins, you should go see Matt Cross at Dolphin Watch Cruises in Jervis Bay. If the Lorax speaks for the trees, then Matt speaks for the dolphins. I suspect he might be a hippie too.

Special thanks to Sydney Melbourne Touring, Tourism Wollongong and BIG4 Holiday Parks for hosting the twippers.