Saturday, July 26, 2008

On June 16th, 1998 the Detroit Red Wings swept the Washington Capitols to win their second straight Stanley Cup. The "16" was important, since it takes 16 wins in the playoffs to win the Cup. "16" was also the number of Vladimir Konstantinov, the Red Wing defenseman who was critically injured during a car crash shortly after their 1997 Cup Win. All year long the Wings wore a patch on their uniforms that said "Believe". For Vlad-y.

I am a Red Wings fan, but the 16th is important to me for a different reason. That afternoon we brought a little calico kitten home, just before Game 4 was to start. We named her Madison and she punched the older cats in the face and she licked beer from my chin as the Wings clinched the Cup.

Madison was our first daughter, in a way, and even though pet owners might shake their heads at this, she was clearly the favourite in the house. Hector and Puck, a year older and brothers to boot, just never did out-cute Madison. She was Emily's favourite living thing in the world, and I don't know that I'm kidding about that. Maybe a little, but it's a close call.

Maddy grew very ill just after Valentine's Day 2006. Her vet said that her kidneys had failed and that we ought to go home, say goodbye, and bring her in the next day to put her to sleep.

Emily and I were both complete and total wrecks. And in the middle of the night, in the middle of our grief, Emily said "No."

"No, I don't accept this."

The vet had told us that the UC Davis veterinary hospital actually had a feline kidney transplant program, but that Maddy was just too far gone for that to help. But in the middle of the night that sliver of hope was enough for Emily, and for me.

We brought her up to Davis the next day and then spent a week with her in the veterinary hospital, having her examined, stabilized, and hoping that a donor would come in. None ever did.

But it was during this process, the daily visits, the constant worrying about Madison's health and future quality of life, that Emily turned to me and said "Let's have a baby."

Even though no donor ever came in Maddy was stabilized enough to come home after a couple of weeks and then we began our long wait. Twice daily we would give her subcutaneous fluids and medication so that she would feel well enough to eat and put weight back on.

In early August 2006 Erin was conceived, and Maddy was still with us, six months after the vet had said we ought to put her to sleep; six months after Emily said "no."

In late April 2007 Erin was born, and Maddy was still with us. She met the little girl that love for her inspired us to have.

Maddy stayed with us until September 2007, 19 months after she would have died if Emily hadn't said "no." Once Erin was born the cats received a lot less attention, and so there was always a lingering feeling of either guilt, or that Maddy had just stayed long enough to say hello and goodbye to Erin.

Emily came to me in the kitchen a few days ago: "I had a dream about Maddy last night."

"I dreamt that she came to tell us that she was happy in kitty heaven and not to worry about her."

I almost couldn't look Emily in the face after she said this. It was quite possibly the most adorable thing she's ever said in my presence. I felt my heart grow like the Grinch's, bursting its walls and giving me superhuman strength and inspiration out of love for this divine woman.

And then, proving forever and to the entire world that I am married to the most perfect woman, she said: "It kind of reminded me of that part in Buffy when she comes back from the dead and she doesn't want to tell her friends that heaven was great because she doesn't want them to feel bad about bringing her back. Except I don't think Maddy would lie about it like that."

The only thing I could think to say to her after all of that crushing loveliness was: "You are writing my blog for me, you know."

38 comments:

I have a cat and I know that I'd do the same thing you and Emily did. In a heartbeat, and some people won't ever understand that.

Just like how I cannot understand the popularity of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Much to my husband's dismay, I should add, because he can sing every single word to the musical episode (which is on his iPod) and has seen every episode ever.

That's how I know we're meant to be together. I finally found someone who's a bigger dork than me.

It's amazing what power these little balls of fur have over us. Our newest one we found when he was 10 days old so we were doing the every 4 hour feeding. And I know the pets I've lost will be waiting for me.

Hmmm. I wonder. I dont' usually remember dreams, if i even have them, but now I wonder if Ginger will come to me some day. Meanwhile, she's the wallpaper on the computer, so I still get to see her every day, even if it is a really grouchy-looking picture.

That musical episode of Buffy was FLAT-OUT the best. And I've developed a little crush on your wife from her coolness in being able to parlay anything from that in your day to day life. That was precious.

I've never seen an episode of Buffy. I have a friend at work who's supposed to lend me her box sets, but so far, no show. This doesn't make me happy, but how many times can you keep asking, I ask.

(I'm not sure if that last sentence should end with a period or a question mark. I'll just leave it with a period. I may go back up and put ellipses there instead. Trying to hold strong...)

I've never had a cat, either, but I had a dog once that nearly died within days of our acquiring him. I did the whole sit up with him, bundled in blankets, feeding with a tube thing. I don't get Buffy (though I probably would if that girl would just bring me her damn sets!), but I get the sentiment of this. Absolutely. You, and Emily, totally work,

Woot GO WINGS... I was hugely preggers in 97, crying like a baby after the win I'd been waiting for all my life, in 98 a tired mom of an almost 1 year old, crying like a baby again...both times with my own first baby kitten Norman curled against me. We lost him last year after kidney crap, then heart failure at 13. My kids miss him as much as me.

Buffy is awesome, Once More With Feeling, BEST SHOW EVER! Dr. Horrible is genius, I heart the Wheldon bros

I loved that after Buffy was dead for a minute the next slayer was called up and we got to have two of them for awhile. Then of course there was the end of the end and Buffy did the swan dive and all we women were slayers.

Ah, Buffy - is there a real-life situation where I *can't* quote some bizarre anecdote from your world and make things better? My husband loves the show too, but he still rolls his eyes a bit whenever I say, 'Hey, this is just like that episode of Buffy where -'

Funny about cat dreams, though. The other night I dreamed about my childhood cat, Lulu, who I'd always privately suspected was the offspring of a rogue ocelot, escaped from the zoo. In the dream, she looked bigger than in life, like one of those serval hybrids. It was like, how I suspcted she'd always thought of herself. And she was happy to see me. She hunted some stuff through the long grass, we ran around, and then (as always happens in my dreams) some fantastic meance drove in a new storyline. But I woke up the next day, and my first hazy thought was, 'It's nice she's doing well.'

This was an awesome post! Your wife totally rocks. That was the perfect analogy, too, and I especially like the part that the cat wouldn't lie. Awesome.

Bonus points from caramama for referencing Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Our cat has a heart condition which rarely can be corrected and likely was to end in his early death. Daily medicine and many cat cardiology appointments later, he will be 9 years old in a couple weeks and is going strong. :-)

I gotta tell you, your positivity, your love for your wive and family and your articulation of those feelings are a magnificent read...I love how you focus on the things that make you happy when you're speaking of your family. I've become a big fan of your blog...tps