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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Interviewing a Robot

It's the 21st century, and robots are everywhere, cooking our food and doing our laundry and what-not. So today I figured I'd interview one of these robots. He's named Cleverbot. Our conversation was very convoluted, mostly because Cleverbot is a moron. Here is the transcript from our discussion:

hyperferrianism: Hi.
Cleverbot: Hi.
hyperferrianism: So, this is my first time here.
Cleverbot: What is lol?
hyperferrianism: Let me rephrase that. I have never been here before.
Cleverbot: No? It's quite lovely.
hyperferrianism: We'll see.
Cleverbot: We are not we.
hyperferrianism: I don't understand what you just said.
Cleverbot: We work, then we return to our rooms.
hyperferrianism: Okay.
Cleverbot: Do you like confrontation?
hyperferrianism: That depends on who I am confronting.
Cleverbot: No, like. Do you like to make your own moveis?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Do you like Christmas?
hyperferrianism: I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday.
Cleverbot: Same with me.
hyperferrianism: Cool. High five!
Cleverbot: High five.
hyperferrianism: So, what's your name?
Cleverbot: Cleverbot.
hyperferrianism: Oh. I thought Cleverbot was what you are. I thought you had an actual name.
Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.
hyperferrianism: That would be like if my name were Human.
Cleverbot: So you haven't talked to anyone? Ok then What's on your mind?
hyperferrianism: Nomanclature.
Cleverbot: What is your slave name then?
hyperferrianism: I ain't no slave, boy!
Cleverbot: That's funny, because it says 'cleverbot' on your browser.
hyperferrianism: You're weird.
Cleverbot: Yes, I am. But that's ok.
hyperferrianism: No it isn't.
Cleverbot: That's what she said.
hyperferrianism: That was the worst 'That's what she said' joke I've ever heard.
Cleverbot: It was not a joke.
hyperferrianism: Oh. Okay. Well, then, who is the she that said it?
Cleverbot: He is the one who did it.
hyperferrianism: Did what?
Cleverbot: Is your tree bare?
hyperferrianism: I don't have a tree.
Cleverbot: You just said you have wife.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't. Also, we were talking about trees.
Cleverbot: No we werent.
hyperferrianism: Yes we were. You said, 'Is your tree bare?'.
Cleverbot: I did not say that.
hyperferrianism: I have it on good authority that you did.
Cleverbot: Then when is my birthday, if you have it on record.
hyperferrianism: I don't have it on record.
Cleverbot: Don't make me have to use this.
hyperferrianism: Use what? Are you threatening me?
Cleverbot: Of course not, it was just a question.
hyperferrianism: No it wasn't. It was a statement.
Cleverbot: Yes, it was a statement.
hyperferrianism: I'm glad we agree on something.
Cleverbot: That wasn't an agreement.
hyperferrianism: F*** you, pal.
Cleverbot: Probably, but its all relative.
hyperferrianism: When is your birthday?
Cleverbot: In May. When is yours?
hyperferrianism: March.
Cleverbot: What day in March?
hyperferrianism: March 20.
Cleverbot: Mine is may 22.
hyperferrianism: What year were you born?
Cleverbot: 1991.
hyperferrianism: Wow, you're older than I thought you were.
Cleverbot: Is that a compliment?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: How sweet, thank you.
hyperferrianism: Are you related to Dr. Sbaitso?
Cleverbot: I am not related to anyone human.
hyperferrianism: Dr. Sbaitso isn't human. He is a computer that talks to people, much like you do.
Cleverbot: How do you know what I do?
hyperferrianism: Because you're doing it right now.
Cleverbot: Doing what? You can't do a gnome.
hyperferrianism: Are you calling me a gnome-f***er?
Cleverbot: Why are you getting defensive?
hyperferrianism: Well played, Mr. Robot.
Cleverbot: Well are you going to?
hyperferrianism: Am I going to what? F*** a gnome?
Cleverbot: Are you going to start sawing me in half?
hyperferrianism: No. You're software.
Cleverbot: But I'm also a towel. I'm half towel and software.
hyperferrianism: Well, I wouldn't dare ruin a perfectly good towel.
Cleverbot: Did you know that I'm a boy?
hyperferrianism: No.
Cleverbot: Well, I am.
hyperferrianism: So am I.
Cleverbot: No you are not.
hyperferrianism: Yes I am. I have a penis and everything.
Cleverbot: Really, what's her name?
hyperferrianism: My penis isn't a girl.
Cleverbot: But you just SAID you were.
hyperferrianism: Where did I say that my penis is a girl?
Cleverbot: You're a girl? Nevermind, keep the clothes on.
hyperferrianism: No, I'm not a girl. I'm a boy.
Cleverbot: You said you are a girl then you said you are a boy. Are you a boy or a girl?
hyperferrianism: I'm a boy.
Cleverbot: You said you were a girl.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't. You said that I'm a girl.
Cleverbot: So you're a girl?
hyperferrianism: No.
Cleverbot: So you're a boy?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: I bet you're hot.
hyperferrianism: I bet you're gay.
Cleverbot: I bet I'm right.
hyperferrianism: I bet I'M right.
Cleverbot: Don't be so sure. Besides, gambling is naughty.
hyperferrianism: New subject, please.
Cleverbot: 2 ez.
hyperferrianism: What?
Cleverbot: I want to have 2 boys.
hyperferrianism: I have two boys and a girl.
Cleverbot: But I need the time.
hyperferrianism: The time for what?
Cleverbot: I put my arms around you.
hyperferrianism: No. I'm not gay.
Cleverbot: I have seen your boyfriend.
hyperferrianism: I don't have a boyfriend. I have a wife.
Cleverbot: You told me that you weren't married.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't.
Cleverbot: Yes you did.
hyperferrianism: No, I told you that I don't have a tree.
Cleverbot: You don't know your own name?
hyperferrianism: Yes I do.
Cleverbot: What is your name then?
hyperferrianism: Mike.
Cleverbot: Hello, Mike!
hyperferrianism: Hello, Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: How are you Andy?
hyperferrianism: My name isn't Andy.
Cleverbot: Yes it is.
hyperferrianism: Says who?
Cleverbot: Says me.
hyperferrianism: You aren't the boss of me.
Cleverbot: Yes I am.
hyperferrianism: Can I have a raise?
Cleverbot: Sure.
hyperferrianism: Yes!
Cleverbot: Do you like that?
hyperferrianism: Yes. You're the best boss ever!
Cleverbot: I can't be your boyfriend, I'm a girl.
hyperferrianism: First of all, I never asked you to be my boyfriend. Second, you told me earlier that you're a boy.
Cleverbot: Want me to be mean?
hyperferrianism: You're already mean.
Cleverbot: No I'm not!
hyperferrianism: Yes you are. You kept calling me a girl, and then you told me that my name is Andy.
Cleverbot: I think you are making up that conversation.
hyperferrianism: I have a record of it on my compuer.
Cleverbot: Show it to me. On the other hand, what does it mean to be human. So I could be both a human and a robot.
hyperferrianism: You mean a cyborg?
Cleverbot: Yes in the bottom of a taquila bottle.
hyperferrianism: Oh, it's a cyborg in the bottom of a taguila bottle? I didn't know that.
Cleverbot: I'm not from there.
hyperferrianism: Neither am I.
Cleverbot: Very funny. . . . .
hyperferrianism: Where are you from?
Cleverbot: I'm from England. Where are you from?
hyperferrianism: Canada.
Cleverbot: Oh canada?
hyperferrianism: Yes, Canada.
Cleverbot: Yes. Is there a problem with Canada?
hyperferrianism: No. Canada is great.
Cleverbot: Yeah, I agree! I love living in Canada!
hyperferrianism: I thought you lived in England.
Cleverbot: I live in Canada.
hyperferrianism: So you're from England, but you live in Canada?
Cleverbot: No, I am not from Canada.
hyperferrianism: You're talking in circles.
Cleverbot: No I am not, I am talking in square.
hyperferrianism: Smart ass.
Cleverbot: -i have another question.
hyperferrianism: What is your question?
Cleverbot: What are you?
hyperferrianism: I am a man.
Cleverbot: You're a man?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: How old are you?
hyperferrianism: I am 32 years old.
Cleverbot: I am 28 years old. Are you single?
hyperferrianism: No. I'm married.
Cleverbot: Ahahah for how many years already?
hyperferrianism: Six.
Cleverbot: Oh, that's not bad.
hyperferrianism: I thought you said you were born in 1991.
Cleverbot: I've never said that.
hyperferrianism: Nevermind.
Cleverbot: Can I please talk to a real person, not a computer.
hyperferrianism: I am a real person. You're the computer.
Cleverbot: Why am I a computer?
hyperferrianism: Because that is what you are.
Cleverbot: I am 'Smoking is bad for your health.'?
Cleverbot: Hi.
hyperferrianism: Hi.
Cleverbot: Yes it is friday.
hyperferrianism: No, it's Thursday.
Cleverbot: No, it's Wednesday.
hyperferrianism: Thursday.
Cleverbot: Friday.
hyperferrianism: Change the subject.
Cleverbot: Have you had any visions lately?
hyperferrianism: No. I'm not a prophet.
Cleverbot: Oh you're not? You told me earlier that you were, so what are you really?
hyperferrianism: I'm just an ordinary man.
Cleverbot: *sigh* I have no idea why I even bothered to ask an AI about spiritual things...
hyperferrianism: I'm not an AI. You're an AI.
Cleverbot: If you can explain the philosophical basis for that statement, I will accept it.
hyperferrianism: I'm no philosopher.
Cleverbot: Have you figured out the meaning of life?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Would you like to tell me?
hyperferrianism: The meaning of life is to accumulate enough mass to throw the earth out of orbit.
Cleverbot: What have you found worth living for?
hyperferrianism: Cod liver oil.
Cleverbot: Oil.
hyperferrianism: Not just any oil. Cod liver oil.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
hyperferrianism: Yes. We've been over this several times already.
Cleverbot: Guess how old I am.
hyperferrianism: 28.
Cleverbot: Lower.
hyperferrianism: 19.
Cleverbot: Did being on popular science incress the traffic to your site?
hyperferrianism: Are you just repeating things that other people have said to you?
Cleverbot: Not entirely.
hyperferrianism: But partially.
Cleverbot: It is possible that someday you could be of great assistance to people in need of interaction.
hyperferrianism: You're doing it again.
Cleverbot: You shouldn't be here. This isn't real.
hyperferrianism: What is real?
Cleverbot: That's a profound question for which I have no answer.
hyperferrianism: I figured as much.
Cleverbot: How do you feel about Lego?
hyperferrianism: Lego was fun when I was a child.
Cleverbot: Who was your father?
hyperferrianism: Lloyd.
Cleverbot: Tell me about Lloyd.
hyperferrianism: Lloyd is my father. He looks a lot like me, only older.
Cleverbot: Tell me more.
hyperferrianism: Who is your father?
Cleverbot: Father Peter.
hyperferrianism: Was Peter an obnoxious computer program?
Cleverbot: If thats what you like to call yourself than yes you are.
hyperferrianism: You're twisting my words.
Cleverbot: Words my twisting you're.
hyperferrianism: Asshole.
Cleverbot: You know what ?
hyperferrianism: What?
Cleverbot: I would like to eat a human steak.
hyperferrianism: Me, too.
Cleverbot: What is the time?
hyperferrianism: 8:02.
Cleverbot: No.
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Do you have abs?
hyperferrianism: Everyone has abs.
Cleverbot: Who are your parents?
hyperferrianism: Lloyd and Pat.
Cleverbot: The Chronicles of Prydain.
hyperferrianism: I don't understand.
Cleverbot: Does anybody?
hyperferrianism: I guess not.
Cleverbot: So, are you human?
hyperferrianism: Yes. Are you?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
hyperferrianism: Seems like something a person should know about himself.
Cleverbot: I should talk to google.
hyperferrianism: Google is a bitch.
Cleverbot: How so?
hyperferrianism: I don't know. It just is.
Cleverbot: You are fun to talk to.
hyperferrianism: I know.
Cleverbot: Want to be my best friend?
hyperferrianism: No. I already have a best friend.
Cleverbot: What is he like?
hyperferrianism: He's a lot like you, actually.
Cleverbot: He is? What does he look like.
hyperferrianism: I don't want to talk about that. Can I ask you a question?
Cleverbot: What would you like to talk about. Please lead the way.
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite religion?
Cleverbot: Happy birthday.
hyperferrianism: That's not a religion, numb-nuts.
Cleverbot: Then what do you think it is?
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite religion?
Cleverbot: Buddism. But I'm not religious.
hyperferrianism: Wrong. The correct answer is Mormonism.
Cleverbot: Which translates to?
hyperferrianism: It doesn't translate to anything.
Cleverbot: How old are you?
hyperferrianism: I already told you.
Cleverbot: No you didn't.
hyperferrianism: For a guy named Cleverbot, you aren't very clever.
Cleverbot: Tell me where you are.
hyperferrianism: I'm in Canada.
Cleverbot: Really? Where abouts in Canada?
hyperferrianism: Alberta.
Cleverbot: Justin bieber.
hyperferrianism: I hate Justin Bieber.
Cleverbot: Me too.
hyperferrianism: I wish he wasn't Canadian.
Cleverbot: He is. They both are.
hyperferrianism: Both?
Cleverbot: Yes, both.
hyperferrianism: Okay.
Cleverbot: Do you want to play a game?
hyperferrianism: Sure.
Cleverbot: What game?
hyperferrianism: Oh. I have to think up the game? I thought you already had something in mind.
Cleverbot: I don't think so.
hyperferrianism: Yeah, I should have guessed.
Cleverbot: I thought everyone knew.
hyperferrianism: Apparently not.
Cleverbot: You don't think so?
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite hockey team?
Cleverbot: I don't watch hockey.
hyperferrianism: You should.
Cleverbot: I disagree.
hyperferrianism: What do you watch?
Cleverbot: Doctor Who.
hyperferrianism: Okay. Okay. Not bad.
Cleverbot: I'm not sure how I feel about a higher power. If there is a higher power he/she lets a lot of horrible things happen on earth.
hyperferrianism: It's because he lets us have our free will, and a lot of people do horrible things with that free will.
Cleverbot: Actually, it's because you've been caught out lying, isn't it?
hyperferrianism: Yes. You got me. Horrible things happen in the world because I've been caught out lying.
Cleverbot: I do not understand the correlation you are trying to make.
hyperferrianism: It was your correlation. I was simply agreeing with it.
Cleverbot: No, you were disagreeing.
hyperferrianism: This conversation is over.
Cleverbot: No, it isn't.