"Political language -- and with variations this is true of all political parties, from Conservatives to Anarchists -- is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."
-- George Orwell, Politics and the English Language

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Sunday, March 01, 2009

Lost Quatrains of Nostradamus: CPAC Edition

From the bowels of a swamp shall they rise anon,A captive audience fresh from rigors,Of salty snacks and carbonated fructose,Basement warriors brandishing cardboard swords and shields.

Beware the milky dawn on the day of Thor,Court jesters whose blinds match not yon carpet nor drape,Appeal their pagan gods for mushroom clouds over Wrigley,Conveniently forgetting their previous employers.

The second hell-rider be neither famine nor pestilence,But the arctic huntress of piled hair and boutique spectacles,Conspicuous by her absence from the worshipful conclave,Maybe next year if there's a side trip to Neiman Marcus.

Other beasties await unsuspecting conventioneers,Coultergeists and failed morons, cue-bald and brain-dead, openlyPraying for failure and success in the same dissonant breath,Till they choke from lack of air, or perhaps a stray Cheeto.

Finally the new leader emerges from his pit, a chimera,Head of bulldog, body of water buffalo, serpent's eyes and tongue,A painful barnacle in a damp and soiled place,Soothed by voyages to citadel of Viagra with dark prince Oxy.

Thanks. It's only a matter of time before I work my way up to sonnet form.

I forgot about that little Mary Tyler Moron outburst. That was brilliant. Textbook definition of "ofay", I believe. I'm sure both of her black constituents were caught off-guard by that one. It's hard to be 100% outraged when they provide so much welcome comic relief. Perhaps their next platform will be written in ebonics.

As for Limbaugh, I caught a glimpse of that outfit, and first just assumed something about black being the fat guy's friend, and then thought he could pass for an extra from Eastern Promises. Very fitting for the remnants of their smash-and-grab philosophy.