Thursday, June 14, 2012

Martin Lawrence To Let Bev Hills Mansion

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama was in the throes of getting this big of celebrity real estate bizness together when it was revealed to us that the sassy, long-legged blond at Truliaalready did a little ditty about it. We press forward even still...

There seems to be a celebrity property trend afoot. First former 007 star Pierce Brosnan put his Bali-Thai-inspired ocean front mansion in Malibu up for lease at $250,000 per month (July and August only) and today comedian Martin Lawrence put his beast of a mansion in the guard-gated and architecturally steroidal Beverly Park community in Beverly Hills, CA out for lease at a substantially lower but still sky high $200,000 per month.

Listing information shows Mister Martin's X-shaped mansion sits on 2.2 gated and manicured acres, measures 16,178—on the wee side compared to many of the other monstrous manses in Beverly Park— and includes a total of 7 bedrooms and 9.5 bathrooms. Listing information goes on to parse the bedroom count into 4 family/guest suites; a master suite with private office and his and her bathrooms; and two additional downstairs bedrooms suitable for live in domestic staff (or less favored family members).

In addition to all the usual rooms a (mc)mansion usually has—including a marble-floored foyer with floating curved staircase, double height ceiling fitted a series of Salvatore Polizzi-designed stained glass sky lights—some of the extra special amenities at Mister Lawrence's contemporized faux-French pile include, according to current listing information, a game room, wine room, state-of-the-art movie theater with concession stand, and "1,000 sq ft gym or guest suite."

A few of the exterior features $200,000 a month buys include (but are not limited to) a cobblestone motor court in front of the house plus second and also huge side motor court with garage access; sunken and lighted tennis court; swimming pool and elevated spa; octagonal pool house; outdoor kitchen; and meandering lawns lined with thickets of mature landscaping.

We'll prolly take a few swipes for saying this, but it's all so positively Floridian and self-consciously desperate to be elegant that we can't bear to stare at it for more than a minute or two at a time. And that pink and gold lady's bathroom in the master bedroom? Jeezis, Mary and Jehosephat, that is a posh pooper few besides Jayne Mansfield, Paris Hilton, Alex Madonna or a sun-damaged, senior citizen version of Barbie could love. Seriously.

Then again, what do we know? Mister Lawrence will most assuredly laugh his way all the to the bank when the pink-adoring and gilt-loving wife (or mistress) of some filty rich potentate, pasha or super-tycoon with a customized 747 goes ape-shit crazy for that bathroom and agrees to cough up a couple hundred grand a month for the privilege of stepping out of an over-sized soaking tub set in a pink marble platform on to plush expanse of toe-wiggling, wall-to-wall rose-colored carpeting. Believe it or not, puppies, that is the very picture of über-luxury for some people. Not Your Mama but, of course, we're not shopping for a $200,000 a month rental mansion either.

29 comments:

This home inside and out is one of the most repulsive in Beverly Park, and that's saying something.

PS... Why on earth would anyone pay $200K per mo for this mess when isn't there another Beverly Park house up for rent at $100K per mo? The Zingerman's old house, I think? And that one is far better looking, inside and out, and not much smaller.

I didnt think anything in Beverly Park was as old as this feels. Those hideous cabinets smack of the ones my grandmother outfitted her kitchen with in the early 1970s. (minus the gilt)In some parts of the country, a months rent on this architectural abortion will buy a perfectly nice tract house.

Why is he renting it out? Isn't this his main residence? If he's not going to be using it anymore, he should just sell it, nothing else on the market now so he could get top dollar. Renting it just seems like desperation...hmmm.

Mama, it seems that long-legged blonde is beating you to the punch lately. Perhaps you should strap on some drywaller stilts and give her a run for the money.

According to Wiki, and you know you can trust Wiki, Mr. Lawrence filed for divorce on April 25, 2012, so perhaps that enters into the equation, but who knows because I don't. Also, he has been in a film series called Big Momma's House. Could this be Big Momma's house? If it is, she can keep it. Really, "bad" doesn't even begin to describe it.

If this had not been reported by Trulia first, I would think Mama had taken too many nerve pills with gin, and added some zeros..like 4 too many! And a Bentley or tricked out range rover in front of a listing just screams desparation. Is that bathroom a replica of Caesars Palace 1980's presidential suite bathroom??

Architecture is too good a word for the exterior, so lets call it pattern-book pick-and-choose, probably with a pin and blindfold. The horrible mess outside is an accurate prelude to the indoor decor, is it not? Quel horreur!!!The drab Aunt Rose comment about the pink and gold can't be topped, so I won't bother.

I miss the glory days of Beverly Park. You know, when the Bisnos had their “Plow Me” statue, the Udvar-Hazy kids would toss terlit paper around during the night, the Vanderpump would get her Bentley driven off random mountains, Michael Scott and Norm Zada would host their X-rated galas, and when Irina Medavoy would just be her crazy bitch self.

Now all the fun people are gone and that’s left are a bunch of boring Russians, Asians, and Arabs, most of whom barely even live there part-time. Not to mention some of the most boring white people imaginable. Bruce Makowsky? Ed Glazer? Come on.

Lawrence’s place is unbelievably gauche! Mama Candy is aghast at that pink bedroom and that hideously ugly Range Rover parked out front! I half-expected to see a huge sign on the front door that said “New Money” in neon lights! Children, have mercy!

A bathroom fit for Jesus Barbie (aka Alexis on RHOC) -- not that she could afford it, even as a serial renter.

I'm sure I cannot be the only one who shan't shed a tear when the next wildfire sweeps through Beverly Park and scrubs the earth clean...the whole development reminds me of Richard Landry's dirty laundry basket.

Not all the homes in Beverly Park are ugly. Personally I find the Udvar-Hazy estate and the Saban estate to be beautiful, even if the homes are massive. It's just tasteless monstrosities like this one that give the community a bad name.