Q&A with Charles J. Orlando

What inspired you to write The Problem with Women… is Men®?My
unique life experience has enabled The Problem with Women… is Men to virtually
pour out of me. Yes, I do come from the shadier, braggart-ridden side of life, and
if you had met me 17 years ago, I suppose you might have seen me every Tuesday
night in a circle of men, stale coffee in my hand, saying something 12-step-ish
like “Hi. My name is Charles, and I’m a playboy.” However, I
let that part of my personality fall to the wayside upon my own personal
evolution. It is through my past experiences and present reflection that I have
been able to realize that men—in all their remote-clicking, control-hoarding,
unkempt-hair wearing glory—need to rise Phoenix-like from their
passive-aggressive, mixed message-sending ashes to answer the call of the woman
in their lives. The focus groups I have held (with both women and men) have
proven that the issues I have written about (and the manner in which they are
presented) resonate with women of all colors, shapes, sizes, salary levels and
professions. Through this book, I hope to explain the evolutionary path I have
taken in my continuing journey to better myself, and my outlook on life. A
journey that rejects long-held tenets of male behavior; my ever-present pursuit
of living comfortably in my own skin. It is the same path I have found my true
brethren on. A path of principles and character; clearly going against the
grain of society, but critical for men to enlighten themselves, raise their
consciousness to a higher plane.

What was your goal in writing The Problem with Women… is Men?I
wrote this book in the hopes of achieving two goals: 1) To help men Evolve to a
better place; and 2) To assist women in identifying where they are going wrong in their relationships, and help them improve their romantic relationships and
face their own issues regarding self-empowerment. Asking men to alter their
state of being is part of the “cure” for the disease of failing relationships,
but the symptoms must also be addressed. Many men get away with murder with the
women in their lives. As a general statement, they do pretty much what they
want, say what they want, and keep the women in their lives down (intentionally
or unintentionally). And why? Part of the fault lies with women who allow these men
to misbehave in their relationships, but there’s much more to this problem.

Men
controlling/manipulating women is accepted by society, and is in many ways
encouraged. A large percentage of women
have a compulsive need to fix, change and/or save the men who are in their
lives. In contrast, many men have an overwhelming need to cheat, ignore, lie
(by omission or by telling half-truths), and to take women for granted—the very
women who are their life partners, women they’ve promised to honor and cherish.
And how does this behavior affect women? They complain, criticize, bitch, and
protest. But more often than not, these same women do not follow through, and
men know it. Women deserve much more, and can avoid these damaging relationship
issues by demanding more, and sticking to their guns. Through my book, I hope
to not only provide women desperately-needed insights into the world of men—from a man’s perspective—but also some
solutions to improve the quality of their relationships, as well as their own
lives.

What makes The Problem with Women… is Men different from other books about
relationships and marriage?My interviews were conducted in very casual environments. No double-blind
studies with prepared participants. These frank, impromptu discussions—coupled
with my past as a now-reformed “bad boy”—have provided the background and data
for this unique offering.

There are a number of popular TV shows, websites, newsletters, and self-help
books that attempt to discuss what men are all about, and purport to help women
understand men better. When I reviewed a number of these marketing-infused
offerings, I found they share striking similarities:

Women write the majority of these self-help tomes, so a man’s perspective on his thoughts and actions is conspicuously missing. In my opinion (and with no disrespect intended toward those female writers), it doesn’t matter how a woman analyzes and assesses men’s societal ills, or how many focus groups she holds; she is still nota man… and she never will be. She is attempting to interpret men; her data-driven research is internalized and offered solely from a woman’s point of view, and thus incomplete. There is no choice but for her views to be skewed, because they’re based on the following societal program: Women are responsible for the problems in relationships, and must fix them.

Most books of this genre tend to be written from one of two perspectives: “Here are a number of cute anecdotes about
what men really mean when they don’t respond to your telephone messages, or
don’t call for two weeks after you go on a date with them.” or “A man who calls his mother on a daily basis
clearly has Freudian issues concerning separation, codependency, and an over-developed
desire to please…” blah, blah, blah…

The majority of these self-help books are women’s survival guides, and focus on their own self-improvement. In other words, how a woman can change herself in order to survive in a relationship with a man and his unresolved issues.

The
basic premise of these books is extremely alarming. Women should not be forced
to accept—and learn to cope with—men’s bad behaviors. And the sad truth? These behaviors are merely
symptoms of the underlying problems: 1) Men’s lack of understanding and
introspection concerning their actions (or inaction), and 2) women laboring
under the damaging misconceptions of their childhood programming/brainwashing
regarding what being a woman is all about; and as a consequence, giving
permission for these relationship-damaging behaviors, and oftentimes even
condoning them.

You write and speak about an “Evolved Man”? What
is “Evolved”?An Evolved Man
doesn’t fit a mold. He might be married, single, gay, straight, black, white
(or a shade in between), but he is not society’s version of a man. Obviously,
Evolved Men are male—their physical characteristics determined at the moment of
conception. But it’s crystal-clear that they have a certain spark that is best
described as an amalgam of their feminine and masculine traits. The fact of the
matter is that a real man, an Evolved Man is a man of made up of
many things: feelings, caring, commitment, energy, style… and has a strong
passion for life. To call him a mere “man” (in the light of society’s
definition) discounts and devalues the Evolved Man he has become.

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