love this thread. I have a couple. There is a guy that comes to the gym every morning, hops on a treadmill and kicks it up to a really fast paced walk. He does this for an hour while reading his newspaper. I have no idea how he does it. I would fall flat on my face!

The other is an older man that brings his own hand weights. He gets on the treadmill, kicks it up to a run and then proceeds to hold weights over his head or punching out in front of him the entire time.

There is always the handful of women that come in with full makeup, hair perfectly styled and perfume stinking. They strut on the treadmill for a bit then go home. hmmm.

Finally, there is a woman who comes in and always gets on the treadmill next to me. She gets a spray bottle of disinfectant and sprays the machine like crazy. The end result is my lungs close up and I can't run but she is friendly and smiles and says good morning.

"It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop."Wisdom of Confucius

I used to go to the gym on Friday night. I loved it because it was open late and pretty empty. I would always see the same woman there and I started noticing that she would never work out. No weights, no cardio, just walk around. When she wasn't wandering she could be found passing a great deal of time, sitting Indian-style on top of one of the bathroom counters, leaning in and popping zits very close to the mirror.

The other is an older man that brings his own hand weights. He gets on the treadmill, kicks it up to a run and then proceeds to hold weights over his head or punching out in front of him the entire time.

I couldn't do that - I don't have the coordination. I would go flying right off the back of the treadmill.

My #1 freak crossed my path about 2 years ago when I was within one month of finishing my free membership that I won in a drawing (the only reason I'd joined):

Beefy 19 or 20 year old college kid with the muscle shirt and high school football logo on his shorts. High top workout shoes that probably cost $250. Hair cut that looks like something the dog does on the lawn when she squats. Earbuds in his ears but the iPod on his arm that they're attached to isn't even on. Probably 6-1, 250. Trying to chat with and impress the female on the machine next to him who says one word answers and does not even look at him.

Then he says: "It takes a real man to do 10 pull ups. It ain't easy."

Really? I was not aware of that qualification.

Of course, he does it, but not without the theatrics of grunting the last three, dropping off with a loud sigh and a thump of his feet hitting the ground, and flexing his arms and shoulders for effect and telling her that was really tough, but felt really good. Really.I cannot resist even though I usually don't talk much there. Over I go, the guy almost 2x his age and probably 60-65 pounds lighter, I was just stretching along the wall a few feet away preparing to run easy on the treadmill minding my own business until this @ssclown came over. I'm wearing my wedding ring, mind you, so no urge or even misunderstanding that I would want to try and also impress the girl.

"Can I work in with you?"

"Sure dude, give it a shot" he replies, eyeing my thin body and balding head with a slight smile.I knock out 20 pull ups but with no theatrics or noises, drop off, and lean over the female.

"Sorry to interrupt you but I have to ask. Does that make me twice the man he is?"Girl chuckles and rolls her eyes.

"Maybe," she shrugs.

"Good, I'll tell my wife that when I get home."

Girl laughs out loud. I thank the kid - now adjusting the still powered-off iPod - for letting me work in an easy set. Beefy kid gives me stink eye and after a few seconds waddles over to the bench where he will soon be clanking down weights and grunting again. The girl smiles at me because beefy kid is now too embarrassed to follow her around the gym any further so she can do her workout in peace.

That's my favorite one.

Second place: guys obviously juicing coming over to me and asking me conspiratorily "hey man, what are you on?" because at one time I could really put up a lot of weight. "How do you juice and stay so thin?" they ask me. I don't juice, I reply. I just work hard and because I run, I'm not carrying 50 extra pounds. This is not fathomable to them, because they can't produce the same result going to the gym four hours per day mostly flexing in front of the mirrors, flipping through bodybuilding magazines, hitting on any woman within earshot, occasionally picking up and dropping large dumbbells loudly onto the floor, and injecting their butts with chemicals. This happened to me at least 7 or 8 times.

The third thing I didn't understand about the gym was the apparent requirement that any guy over age 65 must walk naked through the locker room without bothering to wrap the towel they are holding around them on their way to the shower, that is, if they don't stop to chit chat with an equally old, equally naked man.

My #1 freak crossed my path about 2 years ago when I was within one month of finishing my free membership that I won in a drawing (the only reason I'd joined):

Beefy 19 or 20 year old college kid with the muscle shirt and high school football logo on his shorts. High top workout shoes that probably cost $250. Hair cut that looks like something the dog does on the lawn when she squats. Earbuds in his ears but the iPod on his arm that they're attached to isn't even on. Probably 6-1, 250. Trying to chat with and impress the female on the machine next to him who says one word answers and does not even look at him.

Then he says: "It takes a real man to do 10 pull ups. It ain't easy."

Really? I was not aware of that qualification.

Of course, he does it, but not without the theatrics of grunting the last three, dropping off with a loud sigh and a thump of his feet hitting the ground, and flexing his arms and shoulders for effect and telling her that was really tough, but felt really good. Really.I cannot resist even though I usually don't talk much there. Over I go, the guy almost 2x his age and probably 60-65 pounds lighter, I was just stretching along the wall a few feet away preparing to run easy on the treadmill minding my own business until this @ssclown came over. I'm wearing my wedding ring, mind you, so no urge or even misunderstanding that I would want to try and also impress the girl.

"Can I work in with you?"

"Sure dude, give it a shot" he replies, eyeing my thin body and balding head with a slight smile.I knock out 20 pull ups but with no theatrics or noises, drop off, and lean over the female.

"Sorry to interrupt you but I have to ask. Does that make me twice the man he is?"Girl chuckles and rolls her eyes.

"Maybe," she shrugs.

"Good, I'll tell my wife that when I get home."

Girl laughs out loud. I thank the kid - now adjusting the still powered-off iPod - for letting me work in an easy set. Beefy kid gives me stink eye and after a few seconds waddles over to the bench where he will soon be clanking down weights and grunting again. The girl smiles at me because beefy kid is now too embarrassed to follow her around the gym any further so she can do her workout in peace.

That's my favorite one.

Second place: guys obviously juicing coming over to me and asking me conspiratorily "hey man, what are you on?" because at one time I could really put up a lot of weight. "How do you juice and stay so thin?" they ask me. I don't juice, I reply. I just work hard and because I run, I'm not carrying 50 extra pounds. This is not fathomable to them, because they can't produce the same result going to the gym four hours per day mostly flexing in front of the mirrors, flipping through bodybuilding magazines, hitting on any woman within earshot, occasionally picking up and dropping large dumbbells loudly onto the floor, and injecting their butts with chemicals. This happened to me at least 7 or 8 times.

The third thing I didn't understand about the gym was the apparent requirement that any guy over age 65 must walk naked through the locker room without bothering to wrap the towel they are holding around them on their way to the shower, that is, if they don't stop to chit chat with an equally old, equally naked man.

The third thing I didn't understand about the gym was the apparent requirement that any guy over age 65 must walk naked through the locker room without bothering to wrap the towel they are holding around them on their way to the shower, that is, if they don't stop to chit chat with an equally old, equally naked man.

This isn't the first post about naked old guys haunting gym locker rooms. So it's a thing?

This isn't the first post about naked old guys haunting gym locker rooms. So it's a thing?

Old hippies from the 60's? I remember my family camping at Big Sur when I was a kid back in the early 70's. We hiked into the local swimming hole and there were a bunch of hippies skinny dipping. My mother couldn't get us out of there fast enough.