Sunday, August 27, 2006

Stupid pregnant dreams

I have had such horrible dreams this pregnancy. I've only had a few good dreams.Last night was no exception.I was upstairs and heard my phone ringing, there was no way I could get to it, so I tried to hear my answering machine, but could barely make out what was being said. It must have been somewhere in the night, because I went right to bed after the call.Later, in the middle of the night, the phone rang again. This time I could hear it.It was my cousin, Jennifer's dad, calling to tell me her baby had died during his surgery.Next thing I knew, I was with all my family at the hospital. Her baby had died during open heart surgery. Everyone was so calm. She was saying it was just meant to be, and I was thinking the poor girl was in shock. I asked if I could see him, but they wouldn't let me. At that point, I asked if they ever had gotten a diagnosis. She replied, "yeah, it was TAPVR"I flipped out. I was in hysterics. No one could calm me down. I knew that if her baby had TAPVR and Zachy had TAPVR, it had to be genetic, and I was pregnant, and it was highly possible that this baby would have TAPVR.I was having a panic attack, and thinking that I had to write it in my blog, and post pictures of him.I knew I had some on my digital camera. But when I went to find them, I came across a picture of me in the water, behind a chain link fence. Which took me back to my sister and me being stuck in a cage in the water surrounded by sharks. We were fighting them off with everything we had, but they were in the cage with us. And someone was taking pictures! We were obviously ok, because I was looking at the pictures of it.I kept thinking, 'I have to find the pictures of the baby!!' Eventually I did. But they weren't good, and I had already made them into scrapbook layouts, so I was trying to scan them to post them, but they were too big.The whole thing had me in such a panic. I kept waking up, so scared that this baby has TAPVR, then would fall asleep and be right back in the same dream.

At least in this dream I didn't hate Matt, which is what happens a lot of times in my dreams. *sigh* I just want to dream pleasant dreams.