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Change: Happy Autumnal Equinox

Happy Autumnal Equinox. Change is coming whether we like it or not. Do you like change?

I am going through many changes myself and I feel uncomfortable with some of the changes. I am trying to let go of a need to control things and allow the universe to unfold as She wills. But often, I feel that decisions I make have a direct influence on Her will. Sometimes we are faced with decisions we have to make. Often, this is the case. What do I have for breakfast? Coffee and more coffee or yogurt and fruit. Simple choices such as these have a direct effect on our health. Little by little they stack up, like tiny rocks placed on each other.

Healthy choices are also essential when it comes to our mental health. If I had it my way, I would just sit, be silent and refuse to make a choice. Now that I am a mother, the choices I make have a direct influence in the life of my child. I am aware of this on such an intense level that I often have anxiety over it. I have never been one to love making decisions. Honestly, I hate them. I freak out over what salad dressing to choose. I make the waitress list them all and usually go with ranch (I must admit I love the milky creamy ranch that is a bit watery. Do you know what I am talking about?)

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If you have had the pleasure of eating with me in a restaurant, I often anguish over making a choice. Should I choose something different? Should I choose what I always order? What if I don’t like it? Will it be wasted money? When I do go out to a restaurant, more often than not, it is Thai food. There is one dish I am always happy with: Drunken Noodles. I get the Tom Kha soup before my entrée and water as a beverage. I hardly ever stray from this decision. I have taken chances and ordered something new, but I often wish for my comfort choice, as I love love love Drunken Noodles.

Am I getting old and stuck in my ways? Yes, I am getting older and am becoming more conservative in my choices. I tend to make safety decisions and when I do take a risk, I weigh the consequences that will effect my family.

Perhaps I am not as conservative as I think I am. I am still a free spirit and go with the flow a lot. But I struggle with change, like most people. I have gone through many changes in the last decade–marriage, death of a parent (dad), major illness and health decline of a parent (mom), birth of a child, Master’s degree, career change (from teacher to Teaching Artist and Writer), moving to a new state and across the country (from Wyoming to North Carolina), and many other ones. Though these changes did not happen overnight, they happened nonetheless.

I guess I am welcoming fall for the changes in nature that lie ahead, but moreover, I welcome the changes that are going to happen in my personal life. I am not sure what these changes are, but I know change happens.

I look to the future with a positive attitude and rely on my support system of family, friends, and health (mind, body, spirit).

I remember hearing a quote when I was teaching about how when you struggle with a new concept and feel overwhelmed and confused, you are about to turn the corner onto discovery and understanding.

Each choice we make has a ripple effect. Like rocks placed on top of each other, they all stack up to create a whole.

The photos in this post are from the White Mountains last fall on the Kangamangus Highway in New Hampshire.

About memomuse

I am an arts educator, writer, poet, photographer, and mama.
United Arts Council Artist in the Schools and Writer-in-Residence -- I am available to conduct workshops and residencies: Memoir, Writing, Poetry, Spoken Word, Poetry Slams. Contact me for more information. Also available for freelance writing and photography.
I am also working on a historic food memoir: http://evanstoncommmunitykitchen.wordpress.com

10 thoughts on “Change: Happy Autumnal Equinox”

Oh, these photos are beautiful! Wish I could be there! As for anguishing over stuff, you have a sister here in that. As for anxiety over what is best for your kids, I’ve been able to loosen up a bit there. They will be ok. I think parents in this generation worry way more than we need to. They’re their own little persons and regardless of whether we do everything just right, they will turn out to be who they were meant to be.

Sandra, Thank you very much. The Kangamangus Highway is beautiful. This was a “forced” trip on my part. We were in Boston area for my sister-in-law’s wedding and were staying for a long weekend. I made sure we saw the fall foliage. When I say forced, I am referring to my “Aries” force of will, which can throw off my Cancerian planner of a husband. Nonetheless, we ended up really enjoying ourselves and had a lovely time. I am so at home in nature. I loved the gigantic river rocks. I have a video on my page of me being all Thoreau and deep if you would like to see footage of the waterfalls we hiked while in the White Mountains. It is on my facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/memomuse. I posted it Sunday. Let me know if you can’t find it if you are interested in seeing it.

Understanding that change is inevitable — and cyclical — is one thing. Integrating change in a way that allows one to ‘go with the flow’ is harder challenge, in my experience. Yes, ‘each choice we make has ripple effect.’ I love autumn, btw, your photos are really wonderful.

Deborah, Thank you for your wise comments. Fall is a magical time of year. Harvest and preparation and yet things are still growing, in the deep womb of Mother Nature. Summer short and vibrant burst of abundance and energy slows down and quiets. I am enjoying the sweet breezes and cool temperatures. I look forward to what will burst from the pecans still growing in my back yard–the shell still green, transforming from bud to food. I often sit on my back steps late at night when the house is quiet and I am alone. I talk to my pecan tree. She loves the night just as I do.
You inspire me btw… thank you.

I used to be such a control freak, then I broke my neck and for several months had no control over anything. It was the Universe giving me a big lesson in trust. I did completely recover and now I’m more than happy to turn over any decisions involving change to the Universe, asking for guidance in faith believing that whatever the result will be for the highest good of all. It all works much better when I get out of the way. Thoughtful post, Megan.

Jayne.
Yes indeed, it does all work much better when we get out of the way. I have learned that I really can’t control anything but the decisions I make. And I make those with a more reflective heart and mind. I am so glad you survived such a terrible accident.

Loved your Nature Nerd Rant video, Megan. Very reminiscent of “Brandywine” in Ohio where layers and layers of ancient rock formations are
jutting out so far on some that you can use them for shelter; the waterfalls so cleansing. Thanks for sharing !

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