In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the 1972 Miami Dolphins, who stuck enough pins in enough voodoo dolls and got the 2009 Colts to commit consumer fraud on the football public.

Indy coach Jim Caldwell pulled his starters in the third quarter yesterday and let the Jets walk all over his Colts' perfect season, thereby ensuring that the '72 Dolphins remain football's bestest team ever. I'll leave the ethics of this to the Kantians hanging around ESPN and elsewhere (one of whom needs to explain why NFL convention demands that regulars only be rested en bloc in the second half and that they never, ever be re-inserted) and merely congratulate the old Dolphins bunch, who get to go on being the bitchiest, most insufferable collection of passive aggressives in all of sports.