An adult escape,
domestic care and worries,
quickly left behind.
We arrived breathless, Driven performers,
just before the curtain call,
blend of old and new.
Stretch, twist, lift, bend, leap,
contemporary at its best, Saturday at the Lowry
music a delight.
‘Constant Speed’ gives us,
physics and passion merged,
Signed for the 1st time. Appreciated.
Returning home,
hearts kindled with excitement,
next time bring the kids!

Additional Notes:Took Paula to see the Rambert Dance Company on saturday first time she had ever been to the ballet.It was a premiere of the first signed ballet "constant speed" inspired by Einstiens centenary
It drove me to write this. Its a performance duet for a male and female voice
1st and last stanza for both voices, the left for the male overlapped by the female on the right (syllable for syllable)
hope you like it!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-10-06 06:35:31Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Stephen,
I love the format you've created here! The interlocking haiku are very well done, and the play back and forth, between the two voices, would sound very effective when spoken aloud. There's a dance-like effect to this. I do note that the female "side" has fewer words; it's as if the male is the one experiencing an awakening and the female (who may already love the ballet) feels less need to wax eloquent about it. The woman utters a single haiku; her spouse uses three and includes much more energetic diction. "Physics and passion" probably possess great appeal for him (and be somewhat unexpected).
I enjoyed the shift in perspective from the opening haiku to the final one. The couple at first is looking forward to an evening away from the demands of family and home; by the end, they regret not having brought their children. Gone are the days when ballet embodied somewhat androgynous performances, embellished with frills and theatrical excess. Today's dance is more direct, more athletic, and more intellectually-oriented. Yet it still affects our emotions and elicits the familiar response of excitement and greater insight into human possibilities.
What a delightful poem! I feel almost as if I've witnessed this production and vicariously shared in your reactions.
Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-09-30 23:10:57Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41667Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is a bunch of haikus yes? (Or the version of haiku that's not about nature) I'm not very good at recognizing forms. In any case, I read another combined haiku from a different poem...I like them very much. I like the story here and the final stanza/haiku is the best. My only suggestion is that the female voice (and yes, I know you are speaking from the male perspective) is a little weak here. Perhaps that matches Paula's personality - I don't know, but would've liked to see more emotion on the right side, after all, it is her first ballet.This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-09-30 09:09:26Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64286I'm not quite sure what you meant by the left and the right voices. Were the dancers singing as
well? I have never heard of that dance company or the ballet itself. I am more in tune with the
classics like Swan Lake, Nutcracker, etc. I guess your layout is supposed to emulate the dancers
side by side. I personally think you could come up with a better title. Thanks for this opportunity to comment.This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-09-28 21:34:38Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000Stephen,
I'm not here to "critique" your writing or tell you how to do it unless you ask for something like that in the notes. You don't need any help anyway! LOL! Rather, I dropped in tonight, to support the excitement I see in your writing, the creativity of the form and the energy and touch of humor you bring to the page.
I think writing your poem to the structure of dialogoue is pretty neat and very creative!
I thoughy "An adult escape" in the beginning, contrasted by "next time bring the kids," was funny. I try to involve my children in everything we do, but some nights we don't take them somewhere and wish I would have. Love the irony.
And is there anything better than live theatre? Your form captures the energy of this.
You nail every syllable, delivering a fine performance. Bravo! You have me excited for you and wondering when I can get away to go to a play.
Take care, I look forward to reading more of your poetry,
TroyThis Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2005-09-28 20:16:48Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000Hi Stephen,
It is nice to read once more of your inspiring poem. There is truly love that binds you and Paula. And I am pleased to keep track of the interesting things that you shared through your poems. This one is really reminiscing. I can imagine how you treat your dearest beloved. I must treat my wife with this kind soon.
Hope to see more of this!
Thank you for sharing this with us.
JordanThis Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-09-26 14:02:14Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000Hi Steve,
I have never been to a ballet either! Well I guess I sorta have...went to Denver to see a Christmas play that had a lot of ballet....but don't know if that counts!! I like the form you have chosen for this piece and you have captured the dancing perfectly...stretch, twist, lift, bend, leap...all we need now is the music. I smiled at the way you ended this ...next time bring the kids! I know I too have been places that I wished my children were with me....good form, good subject, good poem!
Peace....MarilynPoetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link