Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I'm a goal setter. It is just a fact of who I am. I love to work hard for things and to feel like I've really earned them.

....but...more often than not...I don't meet my goals. I don't get the thing I've been working as hard as I can for.

So I've learned that I shouldn't get my hopes up. Even when I tell myself, "You've worked hard. You deserve this." Because sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you've worked. Because the decision is always up to someone else who often doesn't realize how much you want it. Or maybe they know that you want it. But they don't want you. You don't match what they want.

I won't go into how badly it sucks when they come back later and say, "I was wrong about you. I should have picked you." because I know I worked hard enough to deserve it. Something just didn't line up on D-Day. Again, and again, and again.

I'm so tired of failure. But I feel so close. And I keep telling myself, don't get your hopes up Kaela. You know how much it hurts to get them crushed.

But I can't help it...

At least I've still got some time. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

When you are about to scream because there is no food in your house, and then remember that you have half a sandwich and 2 cookies in your backpack. The title of this post could be argued, but anybody in psych right now knows just how motivating hunger can be. Among other things. See "How To Know That Some Dark Force Not Of This World Is Out To Make Your Life Miserable" Part 3.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Here's the thing about me. I love to write. I could write all day. Not really. I have to be in a certain mood to write. And usually I'm in that mood, but I'm not in that mood when I'm sick and I feel like my brain is full of cotton. And yesterday I had a giant headache, so my writing skills and ideas were not up to par, so I just wrote something really quick so that I wouldn't be giving up on the Sunday post idea after 2 weeks.

Now that I'm in a writing mood, I have a few quick things to say to complete my Sunday post. Or improve it. Or something. Yeah.

This is something I've struggled with before, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. But sometimes I've found it hard to recognize if the Spirit is trying to speak to me, or if it's personal revelation I'm getting or just random stuff I'm coming up with that isn't really useful at all.

So here are a few things I've discovered over the years.

Scriptures: I've discovered time and time again that when I'm troubled about something or completely depressed and in need of comfort, the scriptures have always, ALWAYS been there for me. When I'm praying about a question I've had a scripture pop into my mind that answers my question perfectly. I can't stress enough how important it is to read the scriptures. They've helped me more than I can possibly describe. And in pretty miraculous ways too.
I vividly remember, on probably the worst day of last year, one of the worst days of my life, sitting in my car, crying my eyes out, with my scriptures in my lap. I remember praying for just one scripture that could get me through what I was going through. I opened my scriptures to a chapter I've read a million times, but one verse stuck out that I had never even seen before. It was in D&C. And that one verse has definitely carried me through that trial that sometimes I still feel like I'm experiencing.
I've had many other experiences very similar to that. I could write a book of all the experiences, and I'll probably give some more examples in more of my Sunday posts. The scriptures are real, and reading them will bring you more joy than you know.
The same goes for Patriarchal blessings. If you don't have one, I would suggest getting one. Mine has given me a lot of guidance through my life. It's even helped me decide which college to go to.
Richard G Scott talked about the scriptures in the last October conference. He said "Scriptures are like packets of light that illuminate our minds and give place to guidance and inspiration on high." Another quote I liked is when he said "To memorize a scripture is to forge a new friendship." That is so true. Whenever I've felt completely alone, I've always found comfort in reading the scriptures. Go read that talk. For reals. I would copy and past the whole thing into this post, but this is already getting long enough ;) seriously though, when you have time, read it. You won't regret it.

Write things down: If you ever have a distinct impression or thought while you are seeking the answer to a question, WRITE IT DOWN. A few nights ago I had a little idea pop into my mind, so I pulled out my phone and wrote it down. But out of nowhere more inspiration started coming and I ended up writing like 8 pages of text. It was wild. Unrelated, but that's exactly how I've ended up writing my last 2 articles for Journalism. One idea turned into an 800 word article...at midnight. Crazy stuff.

And finally, I learned this in Sunday School yesterday. My teacher said this one little thing that stuck with me:

"If it's good, then it's from the spirit." So in other words, if you have an impression pop into your mind, and it's something good, then it's from the spirit. If it's bad, then it probably isn't. Nuff said?

Well...I'm not sure how this got so long. But I guess that's what I get for blogging when I'm in a writing mood. Maybe I should be writing up my English paper...yeah?

Sunday, January 29, 2012

I had to write a paper for english, but guess what? Wikipedia was down. And my paper had to be 4 pages. So I chose a topic that Wikipedia was not choosing to black out.

Censorship.

So this is what my 4 page, 11 pt. font 1 inch margin paper said.

The problem with censorship is nothing there is no problem the concept of censorship does not make this paper hard to understand as well as extremely frustrating to read. The author of this paper was not trying to make a statement about how suppressing parts of a document or any form of art or media can potentially take away from the main purpose of what the author is trying to say. Censorship is good it makes people happy and keeps a society from falling into chaos it is better for people to just be ignorant. Many people create things which have potential to be morally wrong or harmful to others so it is better completely suppress. As you can see there is absolutely nothing wrong with censorship.

You can probably guess what my paper actually looked like. I ended up getting 50/50. College is great.

This is getting pretty fun. There's so much I want to say on these, but I try to keep it short. If you want to read a novel about the better things in life, then I would suggest just reading the Book of Mormon, straight up. It's full of the better things in life. Really.

So I started going to a new seminary class, like I mentioned before. It is definitely worth driving all the way up to school for in the middle of the day. The last time I went I felt the spirit so strongly, but it was way different than I usually feel it. Life is great.

Now...I kind of struggled over whether I should mention a certain incident that happened on Friday. Here is all I am going to say about it:

3rd Nephi 11:29: "For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another."

Yeah.

So to what I read this week. I actually read this last week, but it's just too good to not talk about. Title of Liberty. Like a boss.

It's scenes like this that make me wish somebody would make a movie of the Book of Mormon. A good one, because they have made one before and...yeah. I'm talking about something Peter Jackson would direct. And I don't know who would play who, but Samuel L Jackson would have to be in it. Maybe someday I'll make up a cast list...but I'm trying to stray away from that path of accidentally saying sacrilegious/racist/offensive things. If you want to know how I'm doing so far, just ask my English class.

Anyways, Moroni rips up his coat and writes up a Title of Liberty: "In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children." First of all, I think that is a title we should all try to keep. Those are all great things to defend and fight for, and I love how much they are stressed throughout the chapter, and even every time they fight, they stress how they are defending their families and their liberty, and how because of that they have God on their side.

The Title of Liberty is something I kind of want to hang up in my house. Just seeing that is a great reminder of what I always want to stand for.

Anyways, I can't stress this enough. Read the Book of Mormon. It teaches great lessons, and I'm always happier when I read it. Also, I've reached a point where it's pretty fun to read, because it's pretty dang epic. I use that word to describe it too much. But you get the idea. Really, really good stuff.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Contrary to what you are probably thinking, this post is not about Christmas. It's about what happens when I go all philosophical for an hour when all my bottled up feelings for the past 3 quarters of a year suddenly explode and I...philosophize. I actually like philosophizing and analyzing things. Straaaange as that may sound.

So. I ended up thinking about alternate realities. Because I've had so many changes happen in my life recently that there are two very distinct and different (or so I thought) paths that I could have ended up on. And I wanted to know what my life would be like now if it had gone exactly how I had planned it to, instead of how its actually going right now.

I was pretty shocked at what I discovered. If I had lived in this alternate reality I so often think about, I would be EXACTLY where I am now, only I would be totally miserable, but I wouldn't realize it. Presumably. I wouldn't have had the certain life experiences I've had, I wouldn't have met a lot of people who have strongly influenced my life, and my life would be not much different than it is now. The only difference is...I wouldn't be in college...and I would have more fake friends than real ones. I would probably also have really low standards, and I probably wouldn't have a testimony of the church either.

Sooooooo. The thing is, I've been wondering if I made the right decisions about stuff...for the longest time. I've just really felt like this wasn't the path I was supposed to be on. But the thing is, I somehow knew I would be on this path, WAY before I had made ANY decisions that would lead me to eventually taking it. In 8th grade. I can remember the moment where it hit me that I KNEW it. And, if that is confusing to you...it's okay. Don't worry about it.

Bottom line, I am where I am supposed to be. And I REALLY want to know my future...but I know it's not going to happen until it happens. That, my friends, is called exercising patience.

Anyways, I hope you love being confused. Because that was what this was intended to do. Just kidding. This is just a classic example of Kaela philosophizing. Time to eat some pasta-roni. Yum!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Makeup is wonderful. If it wasn't for makeup, I would be in a lot of trouble.

Not that I don't love putting junk all over my face every morning, but I'm not talking about Covergirl. I'm talking about a different brand, so to speak...

SEMINARY!!!

Woohoo! Something about those 26 impending absences makes me want to throw a party. Before you call me out for being a horrible person, let me explain why seminary makeup is so great.

I love seminary so much. But my seminary experience hasn't been picture perfect either. I won't go into detail, but 2nd semester of my junior year I started skipping seminary not because I thought the class was boring (even though it was) but because I really, really didn't want to go. Which is never a good thing, by the way.

I felt bad though, because I love seminary and all the things I learn. And every time I skipped seminary that was one more lesson I was missing, which was no bueno.

This is where makeup comes in. When I do makeup, somehow I end up loving the class I do makeup in INFINITELY more than the class I've actually been assigned to. I did some makeup in Bro. Barrow's class last year and I loved it. I love Brother Barrow and his lessons so much.

This year, I have skipped a LOT of seminary. I'm pretty sure early morning seminary was a bad idea. WOW. Waking up that early was sending me screaming into major depression and sleep deprivation, for a 50 minute class where we never even finished the lesson. Not that the lessons weren't good -- I loved Bro. Kearns. He was a really great guy, but I was usually too tired to even understand ANYTHING that was going on, also I was getting sick from lack of sleep, whine complain cry, and for some reason I decided that it was time for round 2 this semester!

Suffice to say...we are 2 weeks into the term and I already have 3 absences. It is early morning seminary. It does not conflict with my college classes. I COULD go. But I don't! I don't have the motivation to get up before the crack of dawn to sit through another class where (see early morning description above)

Look, I know this is coming off as extremely negative, so just bear with me for a little big longer.

I went to my early morning class today. I have NO idea what the lesson was about. I just remember one thing from that morning, and it was that I wasn't in a good mood, and I blame sleeping until 8 or 9 the past few days and then being lovingly greeted by a cold car at 5:30 in the morning. So I made a decision right then and there. If I can't, by chance, be placed into a seminary class that I love more than anything...then I will find one, and make up my 26+ impending absences there.

And today, I did. Luckily, it only took me one try to find a class that I totally love. My friends, it was like a breath of fresh air. I honestly felt like I hadn't been to seminary since my Junior year. It was like a bright light had suddenly turned on in my mind. I MISSED release time seminary so much. I had forgotten how great it was to sit through seminary for an hour and a half. And the lesson was SO good. I figured as long as I was doing makeup I would do it with a teacher who I had heard lots of great things about. Bro. Dykstra is PHENOMENAL. In that one lesson I felt the spirit stronger than I can remember feeling it in seminary before. It answered so many questions I've been having about my life, and I walked away from that class feeling better than I had felt all year. Seriously. It's a good feeling.

So, there is a chance that my battle with seminary these past 3 and a half years is coming to an end. I've found a class that I totally love that I can do all of my makeup in, and I'm finally starting to see seminary as a good thing again instead of "set your alarm to 5:30 Kaela!! yay!!!"

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

This evening during dinner, my family ended up talking about politics....again. I normally hate talking about politics, because...they're confusing. And boring. And make people angry...

However, since I get to vote in the upcoming election (yay!) I've decided that saying "I'm voting for so and so" instead of "if I could vote, I would vote for so and so" is secretly exciting. So on rare occasion, I'll briefly talk about politics.

Right now is one of those times.

So I know this could get kind of controversial, but bear with me. Once I get a good idea for a blog, nothing holds me back.

So today at dinner we ended up talking about Mr. Newt Gingrich. And, whew. Even saying his name makes me laugh. Newt? Who wants a lizard for a president? Also there was that thing about him being the only speaker of the house to be disciplined for ethical violations....yeah.

So I created a list of people I would rather vote for than good ol' Newt.

Roger Federer: Okay, so I'm not necessarily the biggest fan of this guy, but he plays some pretty good tennis. In fact I'm pretty sure he never loses, so voting him for president just makes sense. All of that national debt? It's taken care of with all of his grand slam winnings. He might even pass some law making it mandatory for the states to build tennis courts in all of their schools. That is called a categorical grant-in-aid. (I learned something in my Government class today! It's a miracle! I blame the strawberry lemonade. More on that in another blog.) Anyways, I know Federer isn't an American citizen...but he is decently attractive, and he plays tennis. Which is good enough for me. (Andy Murray is good too, but he needs to step it up and represent the U.S. a little better. Guess who really wants to watch the Australian Open?? Meeeee!!!!!)

Ben Flajnik aka The Bachelor: Ben is great. I'm really loving getting to know Ben, I feel like we have a great connection. Ben is a wonderful man. Ben is really good at making decisions. In all reality though, Newt is really that bad that I would rather vote Ben for president than Newt. Every time Ben says "I really like Courtney, I think she is a great, strong woman. I like kissing Courtney." I want to vomit up my LIFE. Not just because Courtney is evil incarnate but mainly because Ben is super retarded. Every time he says "I like kissing so and so" I want to break his legs. Everything he says is a joke. I still want him to marry Kacey B though. Or Lindsey. No! They deserve better! AAHHHH.
Ahem. That is beside the point. Ben is pretty much a GIANT man whore and he would still make a better president than Newt.

My George Foreman Grill:

Also, it makes a great footrest.

And now for some honorable mentions...

Snoop Dogg: Here is a brilliant artist who would love his country more than his own weed. And my friends, that's saying something.

Mrs. Sweetwood: Only the best Statistics teacher around. If you've ever sat through her class, you can tell that she really knows what's up.

Me: This is the girl who sleeps, blogs, and tweets through her American Government class...like a boss. And if it comes down to it, and I really have nobody else to vote for, I would totally write in my own name. Anybody else is of course free to join me. ;D

**UPDATE** So apparently there is a big giant sign that says "QUIET AREA" making this entire post pretty irrelevant but...read it anyways..

Kaela Carter

Blog

January 24, 2012

Carter

Right now, I'm in the library at UVU. I wanted to go somewherevery quiet with not a lot of people, so I escaped up to the 3rd floor. I guess I'm still getting used to the etiquette of college life because I am about 80% sure I am not supposed to be up here right now.

In psych last year we learned about social norms. Meaning, the unspoken rules of society that everybody follows just because everybody else follows them. And I thought, eh. Whatever, right?

The more social norms you break, the more you realize how awkward it is to break them.

So, even though there is no sign on the 3rd floor that states “SUPER DUPER QUIET STUDY AREA ONLY ALL OTHERS ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN” you kind of figure that out when you get up there. And then by that point you’re too tired of running around breaking social norms so you just sit there are pretend you are doing homework. Which is why I’m typing up this blog on a Microsoft Word document in MLA format so anybody who walks past me will be like “oh, she is doing homework” when originally I intended to use this spare hour to Pin to my heart’s delight. No. That would be a crime. And when I thought about maybe getting on iwastesomuchtime.com for just a little bit, I had a vision of some crevice in the earth opening up and swallowing me into the very pit of…well I guess it would just take me to the 2nd floor. I’m even feeling a little sketched out by being on Twitter.

There are 2 guys in front of me right now. Working on what looks like “very hard science-looking homework that Kaela would never understand in a million years if she was given all the knowledge of a dolphin” (which is more than you would think). Whatever they’re doing, it seems pretty intense. Awww crap my laptop is almost dead. I’ll make this snappy. So to me, it seems like the 3rd floor is strictly for intense study, do not disturb, etc. These two guys even got mad when the guy behind me was typing too loud. This is pretty serious stuff.

And since my laptop is almost dead, even though I went on what felt like a long journey to get up to the 3rd floor, I’m going back down to the 2nd, or probably the first, to use the library’s computers and waste some time in peace.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

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I almost skimped out this week on the Sunday post. Not because I didn't have anything to say...I actually thought about this a few times throughout the week...but because I'm making some delicious Chewy Lemon Cookies before the Seminary Broadcast tonight. I've also devoted my Sundays to trying all the new recipes I find on Pintrest. DEFINITELY not because I like cooking, because PFFT that's just ridiculous.

Anyways, I'll keep this short and sweet.

First of all, last week I mentioned a verse about how great Moroni is. And then I found it this week in my personal reading. Alma...(that heart stopping moment when you can't find your scriptures and you think you left them at church and then find them in your bed, right next to you, which is where I end up finding most of my stuff) 48:17 -

"Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men."

So true. What a great guy. I'm pretty sure we need more like him in this...universe. World. Place.

So, something I've been thinking about this week. I know I've been guilty of this too, but I think a lot of times we take prayer for granted. Same with the trials we all go through. Lately, I've come to realize just how much of a blessing it is. It is such a blessing having a testimony that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants the best for me. And to get down on my knees at the end of the day and know that He will listen to everything I have to say, and that He knows what is best for me, and that I can trust Him 100 percent is really great. Having a testimony of all of that has really strengthened my relationship with Him.

Seriously, knowing that the God of the universe has my back...is a really good feeling.

So maybe next time you go to say your prayers, just remember how much of a blessing it really is that we all have the ability to communicate with our Heavenly Father, in any situation, no matter what. And even if it feels like your prayers are just bouncing right back off the ceiling (trust me, that happens to me all the time :P) just keep the faith because seriously, prayer is totally not something to be taken for granted.

Contrary to what you are all thinking, that sentence is not implying ANYTHING about a mission. It's just very, very true.

Okay, so I guess in a roundabout way....it kind of does....but don't over think it. Because I'm not thinking 2 years in the future. I'm thinking about 2 years in the past.

Which, by the way, I would suggest you never do. I try not to think about the past because, well, it's kind of stuck there. Not much you can do about it.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about 2 years as a unit of time. Not unlike how 72 days is now a unit of time known as a "Kardashian." (If you don't get it, go read a newspaper you hobo.)

Really though, I feel like 2 years ago from today, January 22 2012, was not that long ago. I remember everything that was happening in January of 2010. I was a sophomore in high school. I played tennis twice a week. (Moment of silence because I haven't played since August). I had relatively few problems. That was pretty nice. And 2 years ago, I would never have been able to guess where I am now. I really do feel like I strayed from a the path I've always been on and just stepped into an alternate universe. I never would have guessed that I'd have, for all intents and purposes, dropped out of high school to just start college early. I know, I didn't technically drop out, but it certainly feels that way when I only have 2 classes there.

And part of me feels...sad. What if I hadn't made the choices that I did? What if I had stayed on that path I always figured I would be on? Why does change...happen? Why?

For some reason, I feel like I'm going to be on this same path 2 years from now. And I keep planning my life according to that thought. And seeing how much change has happened the past 2 years, is that really a wise idea? Because much, MUCH bigger changes are about to happen, like moving out...that's kind of big. Like having to provide for myself...that's kind of big. Like not being in high school at ALL...that's kind of big.

Unrelated, but either I'm suffering from paralysis, or the entire bottom half of my body just fell asleep. It is quite a strange sensation. I feel like I'm floating.

Anyways, I made a decision a couple weeks ago that life is pretty dang exciting. And maybe I'll blog about that later. I'm still really nervous for the future though. Nervous, and excited. Kind of like I watch football. Or tennis. 2 words, Australian Open. Oohh man....I wonder if that's on right now...

Well, that's me getting off topic. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm having another one of those "should I be regretting everything and what in the world am I doing with my life and what if I go broke and can't afford food or a christmas tree or what if I marry the wrong person and life is scary i wish i was a child again actually i really DONT want that but wow future here scary gah!" moments. And I think I blog about these moments a lot more frequently than I should. But I think I did jump into the future sooner than I expected to. Which is really throwing me off. Oh world. I think I need a hug...and a peach.

Friday, January 20, 2012

But I'm going to keep this short and sweet since it's almost midnight and I'm super tired and even a little bit grouchy. Probably because I'm tired.

I watched The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty with Whitney. Back to back. We also ate delicious candy.

The movies:

Much to my surprise, I liked The Little Mermaid. Ariel is kind of a boss. Well...kind of. Actually, I'm jealous of her hair. And how she can look adorable even when she can't even talk. For what it's worth, the real Grimm Brother's tale of The Little Mermaid I believe ends in Ariel committing suicide. Let me check on that. Yep. She watches the prince marry somebody else, and is offered a knife to kill him with, but instead kills herself and falls into the sea where she turns to froth. How romantic. But really, I did like Disney's take on it. I think Ursula is crazy, and one of the better villains Disney has come up with. Also I thought the soundtrack was decent. Alan Menkin, who created the Tangled soundtrack, also wrote the score for Little Mermaid. So the main songs were pretty good. I still like the Tangled soundtrack better though. But that doesn't really matter. My favorite part: Ariel's hair. I just love her hair. All of it. I wish I had her hair. Actually, let's get technical. I just want the volume of her hair. Too technical. Moving on.

I thought Sleeping Beauty was a waste of time. It was way old, which was weird, and even though there was plot and conflict, there was zero substance. The two main characters didn't even have personalities. Why do people cherish Princess Aurora so much when she doesn't even do anything? I know, hate the critic who hates all things classic and good. I should appreciate the sentimental value of it. Then again, I did watch it right after Little Mermaid. So I guess my expectations were a little high.

So there you have it. I guess that's what I get for trying to appreciate Disney when I'm tired and angry.

This is just a moment for me to have a little pride, especially since nothing like this really happened to me during high school.

Prideful moments:

When you turn in your assignment to your teacher, he picks it up and says "oh this is good!" and then later pulls it out of his stack of papers and shows it to the Dean, who just happens to be sitting in the room.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I didn't think I would be making one of these today, but I remembered something from my reading today that I wanted to share.

Right now I'm reading in Alma. And on Wednesday I got to chapter 43 where in verse 2 he is pretty much like "Well I'm going to stop talking about missionary work and start talking about war!" And I was like "Oh...sad...I like reading about missionary work..." so it took me until today to actually finish all of chapter 43. Which means I really didn't read my scriptures all week and...yeah. That's what repentance is for.

When I did actually read it I realized that even though war stories are different from missionary stories, they are still fantastic. They are full of really great principles. Also they say stuff like "the Nephites did carry on the work of death upon the Lamanites" and "fight like dragons" and "they did smite in two many of their head-plates." The BoM provides a lot of gruesome details. Like the story where Coriantumr chops off Shiz's head. That one...is a classic. Haha I will never forget Brother Martin teaching that lesson. Those were the days.

Anyways, everything I was about to say is going to pale in comparison to all of that, so I'll really try to make this sound interesting.

First of all, I just want to say that Captain Moroni is a boss. He's like the Chuck Norris of the scriptures. (Sometimes, I wonder if I'll get struck by lightning for saying stuff like that.) But really, he is one cool guy. There's even a scripture that says "If everyone was like Moroni, the devil wouldn't stand a CHANCE."

This is why Joseph Smith translated the scriptures, and not me. Once I considered what would happen if I wrote a Book of Mormon Sparknotes, but I quickly decided that probably wasn't a good idea.

Anyways, there was a point in writing this. I just get sidetracked very easily whenever I write.

Basically, in Chapter 43, starting in verses 19 to 21, it talks about how Moroni "prepared his people" with breastplates, arm shields, helmets and thick clothes. Then it says how the Lamanites had a bunch of weapons, but pretty much weren't wearing anything. Then when they see the Nephites it says "they were exceedingly afraid of the armies of the Nephites because of their armor." Even though they had a lot more people than the Nephites, they were kind of freaking out. For a good reason, too. Going to war without wearing anything to protect you isn't the smartest military strategy. They weren't very prepared.

So I thought to myself, "huh. The Nephites were prepared up the wazoo. They had a bunch of armor on, a great leader, plus they were defending their liberty (they repeat that at least 8 times throughout the chapter), so they had God on their side. The Lamanites, however, are scared out of their minds, because they aren't very prepared and loincloths don't look very threatening."

So what I took away from that was, if you are prepared, and have God on your side, then you're going to win whatever battle you're faced with. Though at the end it may not always be necessary to cut off your opponent's scalp. (Yes, that does happen. And the seminary video about it is fantastic.)

Anyways, I hope that, buried deep underneath all of my sarcasm and bordering on sacrilegious side notes, you can see that I really was trying to make a point. I do tend to get a little excited when I talk about the Book of Mormon. And then other people think I'm weird. It's a fact of life. This is why everyone in my ward thinks I'm crazy.

Unrelated, but I could probably listen to "Come Thou Fount" on repeat for the rest of my LIFE. It's such a great song.

Anyways, I'm going to peace out. I hope you all have an excellent Sunday (or Monday, if you're reading this tomorrow...)

11:00 church is a blessing. It allows me to sleep in, but not too much, and then I still have an afternoon to do stuff with after I get home from church.

I take the commandment to "rest on the Sabbath" very literally. I will rest from putting on makeup (usually), I will rest from wearing clothes that are uncomfortable in the slightest, I will rest from work, I will not take more than the maximum steps in a day, I will not work too hard preparing my meals. I will wear sweats, I will sit on my bed, and anything that needs to be done will have to be done there. So usually I end up sleeping or blogging or both.

I used to fill my Sunday afternoons with homework, but I'm really trying to avoid that. At the beginning of the school year somebody came to my ward and gave a talk and mentioned how much better he did in school when he didn't do homework on Sundays. So I challenged myself to finish my homework during the week so I wouldn't have to do it on a Sunday. And that never ended up happening throughout the entire semester. Pretty sad, I know. But this semester I can kind of kick back a little bit. After all I only have school 2 days a week (I'm gonna need that time though. Professors love to dish out homework. Especially reading...)

So now my Sunday afternoons are free. So I sat down and had a little conversation with myself.

Me: Okay, Kaela. We're really going to do it this time. No homework on Sundays. So what are you going to do with your afternoons?
Me: Sleep...
Me: Okay, what else?
Me: Eat...
Me: Anything else?
Me: Blog...
Me: About what?
Me: This stupid conversation we're having.

Anyways, I came to the decision that on Sundays, I should blog about all the religious inspirations I have throughout the week. Some weeks are better than others, and the only one I had this week was that going to the temple on a Friday morning shouldn't be a problem, but it is when everybody doesn't have school for some unknown reason so it's bloody crowded and you're late for Journalism and you're worrying about that and how it's your last normal day of high school and....yeah. So crowded temple = angst. I can't wait for the Provo Tabernacle Temple to be finished. HOLD THAT THOUGHT. I can. I can wait as long as I want. That temple is my insurance. (I actually feel pretty cool whenever I say that. It's good to know that I've already invested in insurance while I'm still in my youth.)

I also decided that I can Pin to my heart's delight, as long as it's only the food tab. I have weird rules, but it's okay. I think we all do.

I did have an inspiration come to me today though. And you might think, "Kaela, that's not an inspiration. That's just...sad." But please, don't judge. I'm just a girl.

Music and I have been fighting a war since the summer of 2009, when I decided that I didn't want to only listen to Coldplay anymore and I needed to branch out. In fact I should listen to more than just one band, ever. It's what normal people do.
So I started listening to the radio and top 40, and then my cousins got me interested in boy bands, hip hop, and that kind of stuff.
Then at EFY the next summer I decided that I would stop listening to music with any swear words in it. That didn't last longer than a day. While I usually buy or download edited versions of songs, music nowadays is just full of junk. Even if they aren't swearing, they're talking about getting drunk and taking off their clothes. So...I'm working on it. I really am. Really.

One thing I have been exceptionally good about is not listening to music on Sundays. Which makes my life kind of quiet, (just kidding, it's never quiet in my house...) but I have that rule so I can feel like I'm keeping my Sabbath day holy for not just the 3 hours I'm at church. Which sometimes are full of more conflict than I would like. Today was one of those days.

So I came home thinking "Grr church troubles I want pizza" and then got my pizza and got on Pinterest and here is where I had my revelation.

I can't listen to music on Sundays. But I can listen to churchy music...like Motab!

Motab is music!

That was my grand revelation for the day. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir is music!

So I got onto grooveshark, and made up a playlist called "Motab Jam" and started filling it with songs. I wasn't really feeling in a Motab mood, so I had to ease myself in with some "All Creatures of Our God and King" and "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" because you can't listen to those songs and then NOT be totally in love with Motab.

So now, I'm pinning food, blogging about spiritual inspirations, and listening to Motab. A Sunday afternoon well spent.

Pretty much, I've been raised to believe that crying is weak and I shouldn't do it. Since I'm a girl, I usually end up doing it anyways. There was one summer where I only cried twice: Once when I crashed my car, and again when somebody was being a completely irrational jerk that made me wonder what the heck I was doing...long story short, I was pretty proud of myself for not crying, at all. In fact, I considered myself pretty much, "A Boss."

Well that phase of my life is over. I've come to accept that I cry and that is a fact of life. I still try not to do it, and I've been getting better, but there are still things that make me cry. Weird things. Things that make most people cry, don't make me cry, and things that don't make most people cry, sometimes make me cry. Does that make sense?

Anyways, this is just a list of things that get me rather emotional.

Movies: I usually don't cry during movies. But UP and Toy Story 3 manage to penetrate my iron interior. Oh, and The Help. And Harry Potter 7, when it showed all of Harry's dead friends. But that's really about it. And I didn't even cry that much. On the cry-o-meter with a 1 being "one tear shed" and a 10 being "full scale bawling" it was like a 2. I still love those movies though. As far as TV shows go, I cried during the series finale of Monk, but probably because I was watching it 1 in the morning and sleep deprivation + nostalgia = Kaela getting emotional. I'm pretty sure I also cried at the end of Lost, but mostly because when show ended I was left with more questions then answers.

Music videos: I'm more likely to cry during a music video than I am a movie. Mostly, it's Taylor Swift music videos. "Love Story" and "Ours" got me significantly choked up. Today I got choked up during a Miley Cyrus music video, because yes, I thought it was cute. "When I Look At You." Good song. I also seriously considered crying while watching the We The Kings music video for "Say You Like Me" but only because it doubles as an interactive video game which is pretty much IMPOSSIBLE to beat.

Books: I definitely cried my way through Harry Potter 7 the first time I read it. Hedwig died and that was it for me. I bawled my way through the entire book. I'm talking about a 10 on the cry-o-meter. Again, this may have something to do with the sleep deprivation + nostalgia equation, but regardless, that book made me cry. I can't think of any other recent ones. Oh, Tale of Two Cities...almost. Almost. I actually cried when I read New Moon and Eclipse, back in the day when I read those books. Actually I think when I was reading Eclipse I just swore and threw my book across the room. Because those were the days when I used to swear...and throw books into walls. (I've overcome that need I have to throw things when I'm angry, which is good, because my phone used to suffer.)

Food: I'm being totally serious here. Whenever there is nothing to eat in my house, and I've wandered around for a while trying to find something that will satisfy my hunger, and I still can't find anything, it makes me cry. Mostly because nobody in my house ever buys any food except for fruit, chicken, and corn chips.

Random tragedies: When the Provo Tabernacle burned down, any mention of it got the waterworks flowing. I think the Japan earthquake/tsunami did the same thing, that time this summer when I thought we were going to have to put down my dog...yeah. Stuff like that.

Not pain: I just felt like I would throw this in there...but I never cry when I get physically hurt (we'll go into emotionally hurt in a second). The last time I cried at pain was when the pain was so bad that I was rushed to the ER this summer. But...that's not really a story worth telling. I didn't even cry that much then. On the cry-o-meter scale, it was about a 3. Of course now I'm about to get my wisdom teeth out, and eventually my tonsils, so I'll probably end my no-crying streak sometime soon. Grr.

Saying goodbye: oohh man. Don't even get me started. Cry-o-meter is at least a 10, but probably higher. Anyone who watched me say goodbye to Romain can testify. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it. It's that bad. Graduation is going to be one heck of a day for me.

Losing: In certain circumstances, losing makes me weep, about a 5 on the cry-o-meter scale. But only if I really felt like I had a very good chance of winning. I'm mostly talking about tennis, but sometimes watching the BYU-Utah game has the same effect.

Car stuff: I always cry whenever I crash my car. And sometimes I even cry when I'm trying to park on UVU campus, or when I'm trying to merge onto the freeway.

The rest of them are pretty obvious. Fear, sadness, despair, boy problems, crumbling self esteem...although I'm much better with those than in years past. For example, I'll have a small weeping session over one of those things...maybe once a month. I know, heart of steel. Just kidding. I'm more like a trained dog. That...might not make any sense.

Oh, I forgot something else. This'll be a good one to end on.

Good things: Things that are good make me cry the least, but overall are the best things to shed happy tears about. Graduations, random patriotism things, finding out the tabernacle is being turned into a temple, scriptures found at just the moment I needed to read them the most, every-day miracles, just overall...things that are good. I think it's safe to say that at least a few of the things I mentioned would fall into this category, like the different music, movies and books. For what it's worth, I also cry every time I laugh really hard. If somebody says something funny to me in class, I'll start crying because I'm laughing so hard. It's a gift...and a curse. (cue pang of sadness because I just finished watching Monk.)

I can't really think of any good way to say this, so pretty much...if you ever see me crying, chances are, it's not because I'm sad, but because I'm happy about something really weird and obscure.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I seriously have never made a better decision in my life. I'm so glad I decided to do this.

All through my first two classes, Psych and Stats, I was just jumping out of my seat. I couldn't wait to just get down there!!

When I finally got onto campus, it was like a train wreck. Parking. Is. A. Nightmare. It's a bloody nightmare. I was kind of freaking out. I needed a spot by the LA building, but there was nowhere to park! I didn't know where I could park! And there were so many people trying to park! Eventually I ended up finding a spot by the SA building...clear on the other side of campus. Ah!

But, then I found Bri, and she helped me find my classes. Which was fantastic. And I kind of got a chance to see what the school actually looks like when there are lots of people there. It's so different from high school!! Haha, I might say that a lot...

As I was walking around, I noticed that there are a quite a few attractive men at UVU. And I was like, huh, that would be kind of fun to have a mini crush on some older college man in one of my classes. Then I reminded myself that doesn't really fit in with my plan to not get married anytime soon.

My first class was POLS 1100. And I was thinking, great, American Government, this is gonna be sooooooo boring. But I just might be wrong...

First of all, my class is completely silent. Maybe that's how it is with most college classes...which is very different from high school. Haha. Of course. But my teacher is really funny! And pretty much...in 10 minutes he had said more cuss words than I have ever heard from any teacher I've had, in all my 12 years of public education. That's going through Kelemen, too.
Plus, he made it clear that all the lecture notes are online, and he doesn't take attendance. Sweet.

My second class is English 2010. And I think that class is going to be AWESOME.

My teacher walked in...and I about died...

The guy is a full blown HIPSTER!!!

I'm dead serious!!

Bald. With a beard. And his name is Dr. Pepper. But he was drinking Naked juice when he walked in.

He swears like a sailor. My favorite quote of the day: "Wikipedia is [dang] accurate. But it scares the [crap] out of most people."

And his lecture was fascinating! For a 90 minute class it zipped by. He also let us out early. At the end of class, we had to introduce ourselves by giving our name, major, and something about us that was either true or false, and the class had to guess. I told the class that I had a tattoo. And overall, everybody guessed that it was true. Pepper said, "True. You have that look about you." Haha. I really hope not.

And then they were all disappointed when I told them it was false.

Also, most of the people in the class are my age...ish. Which is nice, because there were a bunch of old guys in my Gov. class. One looked like a chubby Hitler. Speaking of which, Pepper showed us a picture to emphasize the importance of putting the comma before "and" in a list. That picture was JFK and Stalin dressed as strippers. First day of class. 2 hours out of high school. Where Sweetwood got mad at Josh for writing a word problem about 2 wizards having a drinking contest.

The difference between high school and college was overwhelming. I snuck out of Timpview so I wouldn't get slammed with a lunch detention, and walked into UVU where the teachers swear and don't care if you come to class. And have interesting lectures.

Monday, January 9, 2012

And I'm freakin out. I have no idea where any of my classes are. I'm not going to know anyone. What if I end up sucking at life and I can't make any friends? On top of that, what if I just fail at life and I can't do any of my assignments right? For some reason I thought since I knew a lot of people going to UVU that's where I was supposed to be. On top of that, I get free tuition. Why wouldn't I go to UVU?

The cost of going to BYU for one year is 16,470. I don't have that money! I don't have even close to that much money! I don't even have enough to cover tuition. And there's no way I can get a scholarship.

I'm so excited to move on and start my new life but...ah. It's scary. And I am completely broke. And I have this dream of being successful, of actually doing well in school and being recognized. Not being vain, I just want to do well in whatever major I choose. Communications? Journalism? Am I just kidding myself? I know I'm going to work hard. And I never want to settle for less than the best. But sometimes maybe the best simply isn't reachable. Maybe the best costs 17,000 a year. Maybe the best requires more talent than I have.

And now I'm starting college. Tomorrow. Yep. I've been dreaming of this day my whole life. What if it isn't everything I dreamed it would be? And what if it is? Then what?

Yes, yes I did just quote Tangled there.

The only difference is, I am feeling less than optimistic. I am scared. I am terrified out of my mind. And there is no turning back.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

2 nights ago, I had a dream. I'm about 110% sure it won't come true, but I thought you all might enjoy it.

I was standing in a dark room looking at the silhouettes of 2 people standing in front of me. Subconsciously, I knew one of them was me, and the other was the person I was marrying. So I thought, "huh, I wonder who that person is!" Just as I thought that, the two people turned to face each other. Then I realized that one person was me, and the other person was not a person. It was an alpaca. I was marrying an alpaca.

As retarded as that dream was, it got me thinking (again) about marriage. And I hate thinking about marriage because so many people keep telling me that I'll be getting married soon, probably. Which is not going to happen but it keeps freaking me out. Especially because return missionaries can sometimes be likened to a pack of hungry wolves, on the prowl for an unsuspecting female they can eat. I mean marry. You get the idea.

So I was thinking to myself, I need some sort of insurance. Some way to make sure that, no matter what, I won't get married too young, and I won't get married to the wrong guy. And then I realized...

Bam! Temple! That unfinished temple is my insurance right there. I refuse to get married anywhere else. No matter what my future husband or anybody else says. As long as that temple stays the burnt out shell of a tabernacle that it currently is, then I remain very, very single.

And so, I need to make sure that temple doesn't get built until I am ready. Which is why I am writing a letter to the Big Dog. This is in no way sacrilegious.

Dear President Monson,

First off, I would just like to say I really admire you, and you are cool. So I kind of need a favor. I know getting married and replenishing the earth is a commandment, and I'm cool with that. But I'd rather not start marrying and replenishing until I'm like...21? That sounds like a good age. And as long as the Provo Tabernacle stays the Provo Tabernacle and not the Provo Temple Part 2, then I can't get married! Which is really perfect. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, take your time. Really...let's not rush this. Really.

Anyways, thanks for everything, and keep doing what you do best. That is to say, leading the fastest growing church in the world, and of course being awesome.

Well, the countdown is officially here. And very, very real. I start my first day of college in 5 days.

I was walking down the hall today when suddenly, out of nowhere, I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I just had this overwhelming desire to not be in high school anymore. I don't know where it came from, and I don't know why, because I've been kind of sad about leaving the past few days.

So I just repeatedly told myself that, for all intensive purposes, I was graduating in a week and there is nothing to freak out about. I don't know why that happened. But...it got me thinking.

I know that I'm doing the right thing. But I never would have dreamed I would be doing this in a million years. Now I can't imagine doing anything else BUT this. And I wouldn't have been doing this if it weren't for a chain of events that happened starting in like...6th grade? Weird, huh?

If A hadn't happened, then B wouldn't have happened with C, so then I probably wouldn't have met D, or if I did E probably wouldn't have happened, and if E hadn't happened then F wouldn't have happened either, and if E and or F hadn't happened then I can't imagine I would be doing G, that is to say graduating early.

Yeah. Weird stuff. Don't read too much into that.

Even now I'm realizing all these plans I had...probably aren't going to happen. Right now I want to be a communications major. Now I'm thinking, is that really the best idea? Honestly...I just want to go to hair school. Haha but my parents are telling me to shoot a little bit higher.

I always get kind of sad when my friends change, and people grow apart. But, that's life, isn't it?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Confession: I've been anticipating this 100th post for weeks. It's kind of a big deal. But I really haven't had any idea of what to write. Should it be meaningful? Funny? No different than the others so people don't think I'm weird about caring about this stuff?

I've decided to write about how this is my 100th post. The unoriginal title of the blog should have been self explanitory enough.

To begin, I know how this goes. People read a blog, watch a certain youtuber's videos, or follow someone on Twitter because they like what they have to say/sing/do/whatever. And I've always found the "oh I've reached my 1 millionth subscriber omgg thanks so much love my fans!!" really annoying, because I don't follow people to listen to them tell me how many subscribers they have, I follow them because I want them to provide entertainment or comic relief to my life.

So please, please bear with me here. I know I'm a filthy hypocrite...but really. Let's just all be friends and appreciate that I'm feeling rather pleased that I've written 100 blogs.

First, I want to celebrate the life of this blog. It is just over 1 year old, which means I averaged 1 blog every 3.6 days. Except that is not even true. I wrote a few blogs a month until I wrote about 50 between October and December, where my blogs also changed too. I honestly don't know how, or why. I think I started proof reading whatever I started writing, because I went back and read through my blog and I noticed a ton of typos in my first few months of posting. That's just embarrassing, because Kaela doesn't make typos. Ever.

Anyways, I can't remember why I started this blog, other than I needed a healthy way to express myself rather than becoming a Facebook status posting maniac (I think we've all been through that stage. No? Just me? Yikes. Well...I've repented). Also, I love to write. Obviously, because I'm a communications major. Pause. I started writing more blogs around the same time I decided on that major. Correlation is not causation, but it's the best excuse I've got.

Anyways, I tried to have a set theme for what I would blog about. Dates, monthly reviews, Basketball/Volleyball Co-ed. And all of that was going pretty well until I just got really lazy. Or I just realized that writing about those things consistently was hard and wasn't really producing quality posts. Either way, I at least have noticed the quality of my writing improve ever since I became addicted to blogging. So I guess that is the one good thing about this.

Why do I love blogging? Because I'm still living under this impression that nobody reads my blog, so technically I can write about whatever I want and NOBODY will know. But its not like a journal, because I still have to accept the fact that this is the internet and some random people may read my blog and possibly get offended if I talk about them. So I usually don't talk about people. But I love to express myself and talk about things I've learned or try new styles of writing and all that good stuff. Is blogging probably going to die out and be remembered as just some fad? I hope not. Cuz...then I won't know what to do with myself...

Anyways, I'm gonna make this quick, cuz I'm going to watch The Bachelor (which I've gotta do at least once in my life, so don't judge.)

Basically, for the people who have read my blog...I don't know who all of you are, but thanks for being interested in what I have to say! And for the people who I don't know who read my blog, don't tell me who you are. I want to be able to continue to blog without being afraid of what people might think about me.

It's been so fun! And I'm not stopping anytime soon...which hopefully isn't a bad thing.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Confession: I've been trying to write this post for DAYS. But I really haven't been able to find the right words. Now that 2011 is over, I think I know exactly what needs to be said.

I debated for a while going month by month saying what went well and what didn't. But that was taking way too long. I also realized that there were few events in the year I really wanted to talk about. Mostly, it was just the people. So even though I feel a little weird about doing this, I'm going to give a shoutout to the people who made 2011 the year that it was. But seriously, lets just take a moment here to understand that me mentioning you on my blog is not creepy, and me not mentioning you on my blog does not mean I don't love you. Okay, from the beginning.

Yon Soo Park: You are the Harry Potter of 2011. You are the master of the Deathly Hallows. Thank you for taking me under your metaphorical wing in while I endured wrath and torment. Thanks for always being understanding and willing to tell me what's what. Stay strong my asian adopted sister. Once you defeat the Voldemort that is college, you can come live with me.

Aubrey Glazier: You are the Dobby of 2011. You provide much comic relief, but you're also a very loyal friend, and your eyes are the shape of tennis balls. Even though I pretend to hate you, I actually don't. Even though you still think my name is Karla. Thank you for being such a great friend, a great example and for never failing to make me laugh. You kept me sane during Journalism, which was quite an amazing feat. And AP World history wouldn't have been the same if you had never discovered Hadippa. Just remember, a father's heart knows no maths.

Rachel Chow: You are the Draco Malfoy of 2011. I'll never understand you, ever. But you are a very hardcore friend. I'll never forget all the crazy parties you've thrown. If your hair gets any shorter, then eventually you will be bald. But it's okay, because you can pull pretty much everything off. Even when you overdress to go to sketchy new years parties at the mall. Seriously though, you've got style. And swag. I think of you as the Draco of 2011 not because you love him, but because he reminds me of the color green, and so do you.

Chase Weight: You are the Nearly Headless Nick of 2011. Oh what great times we've had. Remember that awkward study party we had for AP World, and then we made a banana souffle that tasted like garbage? One canoli hope that someday we will someday make food that actually tastes good. That curry would have been pretty good...too bad Matt ruined it. Lets go to Lagoon again, and this time, how about you don't break your new phone?

Briana Lindsay: You are the Ginny Weasley of 2011. Not because I want you to hook up with Yon Soo, but you're pretty much fearless. And, I'm pretty excited to go to UVU with you next semester :) Next time we go get our nails done, let's not go to that awkward place in the mall, okay? Also, watch out for those Village Inn creepers ;)

Christian Paiva: You are the Hedwig of 2011. We experienced some crazy, crazy stuff. Remember that SUPER awkward date? Shudder. Thank you for all the laughs. If it wasn't for you, I never would have imagined Kirk Skyles in an American flag speedo, covered in honey. Now sometimes I can't sleep at night. Thank you for all the fun memories and for being the one to convince me that it's alright to follow my heart. (ending on a cheesy note, love it.) Also, I hope your Hamlet essay ended up going well. It is kind of a stupid book, huh?

Kate Cutchins: You are the Severus Snape of 2011. Don't freak out, because that could be considered a bad thing. But we've both read the books, so we know Snape is one of the best characters in the entire series. Basically, I have so many fond memories of us from 2011. Going to Sonic after school, watching Tangled and X-Files -- those were some of my favorite memories from this year. And I think we have had more than enough misunderstandings. But you are a very good person, you are smart and talented and I hope you know that I truly do admire you.

Kat Moulton: You are the Luna Lovegood of 2011. It always makes me so happy whenever you comment on my blog. You are always so full of surprises, and I really admire how you know who you are and you stick to it. You are brilliant, and you are going to go on to teach herbology some day. I can just feel it in my bones.

Romain Dupouy: You are the Ron Weasley of 2011. Even though we didn't have very much time to spend together, you taught me so much about being a true friend. I absolutely loved getting to know you and I miss you more than you could possibly imagine. The day I win the lottery, I am coming to France to visit you. Actually, I'm just going to buy a private jet so we can hang out whenever we want. Thank you for making me realize that America really is a fatty country, and for being one of the best friends I've ever had.

Whitney Carlson: You are the Neville Longbottom of 2011. Since we have known each other, you have always been a loyal friend. I would not be surprised if, at the end of this year, at graduation, you pulled out Godric Gryffindor's sword out of a hat and chopped off Nagini's head. I really wouldn't at all be surprised, because you are just that cool. Remember who you are, and remember that sometimes, it's okay to wonder why it's harder to breathe underwater.

Matthew Woodruff: You are the Albus Dumbledore of 2011. Mostly because I have seen you with a beard (remember that time when you didn't shave for 2 weeks for Morp? Yeah that was supes dupes gross), and I think someday it could be just as amazing as Dumbledore's. But, maybe wait until you're 150 years old, or however old Dumbledore ended up being. I hope you realize that you give the absolute best advice, and to go with that you are a very good listener. Thank you for always being there for me, to make me laugh or just help me through a hard time. Thank you for all the fun we had this year. Prom seriously was the best day of 2011, and one of the best days of my life. Also just so you know, I TOTALLY won the burn contest...I think I can see you being the headmaster of a school for witches and wizards. But an American school, because you are the whitest kid I know. And finally, you are going to be an incredible missionary. Brazil doesn't realize that they are totally the luckiest country in the world. Thanks for being one of the best friends I've ever had, and for making 2011 absolutely wild.

So there you have it. The celebrities of 2011. I have no idea how the Harry Potter thing got started. Like, I honestly don't. But thank you all again for making 2011 the crazy year it was!